CWCki - User contributions [en]

Mia Hamm

2026-01-22T01:08:56Z

Got2Hands:

{{Honest}}
{{taxpayermoney}}
{{quote|And those- Those memories build towards the true love. And honest- in the honest emotions that have to occur during that relationship. Because without the emo- because without the true love and honest emotions, it's just about as meaningless as sex with a prostitute.|Chris, back in [[2009]]<ref>[[Mumble 4]]</ref>}}

{{quote|I came within seven minutes both of those times.|Chris on sex with Mia<ref name=discussions>[[Masturbation discussions]]</ref>}}

{{quote|My body, however, felt like it was being used and not fully appreciated. It even took a massive hit when I considered that time in ‘12 when I had sex with that woman, Just to lose my virginity and get it over with.|Also Chris on sex with Mia.<ref name=discussions></ref>}}

[[File:Mia 002.jpg|thumb|Mia Hamm after reading this article.]]

'''Mia Hamm''' (born c. [[1980s|1987]]-[[1992|1992]]) is the pseudonym of the woman [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] finally completed his [[Love Quest|Fuck Quest]] with, relieving him of his hated status as a [[virgin with rage]]. Named after the {{w|Mia Hamm|former soccer player of the same name}}, she is a [[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free hooker]] who advertised herself on Backpage.com - a site seized by the [[jerkops|feds]] in [[2018]] for sex trafficking ties.<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20120523054531/http://charlottesville.backpage.com/FemaleEscorts/ Confirmation of Backpage]</ref> Chris paid for an hour with her in [[April 2012]], which cost him [[Chris and money|$150]] of his [[Monthly tugboat|tugboat]], and later had sex with her again [[May 2012|the following month]].

He chose to have intercourse with her despite [[Chris and hypocrisy|his previous statements that he would not hire a prostitute because it would render the act of sex meaningless]]. His decision was motivated by a fear of going to jail for [[28 October 2011|an incident]] that took place in [[October 2011]], although [[Chris and the Law|prostitution is also illegal in Virginia]].

In May, Chris told his mother [[Barbara Chandler]] about having gone to a prostitute, and he claimed that her response was, "[[Affair with Mother|I would have had sex with you myself, Christian]]."<ref>[[Jail Letter - 11 May 2022]]</ref>

Details about Mia were revealed publicly in a [[Open_Relationship_E-mails#The_Hooker_Story|text document]] Chris sent Renee. The document was originally an email given to an unidentified individual who provided Chris with Mia's Backpage ad. While Chris is no longer a virgin, he still has rage, albeit not to the same extent, and it doesn't seem like getting laid solved Chris's deep-seated problems like he expected it to.

==Description==
[[Image:ChrisFirstTimeEnd.jpg|thumb|left|What probably happened.]]

{{quote|I need some sex. I am no different from everyone else on that topic. I get horny. I think about it OFTEN. [[Sonichu 8|I'm dreaming of inserting my rod 'A' into female slot 'V']]; [[Crystal Weston Chandler|followed by some]] [[Reginald Chandler|lost genetics]]. [[Virgin with rage|Being an Adult Virgin SUCKS!]] [[F Abstinance|Abstinance is a Joke.]] I am lonely. I am tired of being ignored and overlooked inbpublic by women. I Need Some Sex.|Chris on Facebook, shortly before the sexual encounter was arranged.<ref>[[March 2012 Facebook Posts#Need Some Sex|Facebook]]</ref>}}

Chris describes Mia as a black-haired, blue-eyed woman of 24, although her ad claimed she was 20. She has an "average" figure with C-cup breasts. Her personality is described as "nice, likeable, and down to earth." She has [[un-clit|piercings]] on her lip, tongue, and nipples. She is half-[[Cherokee]] as well, which Chris enjoyed. Mia has two [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughters]] to a man who abandoned her. Given her young age and the fact that Chris states that she had them "years ago," this could possibly mean that Mia was a teenage mother. The girls stay with their grandmother. Mia travels from town-to-town and is attempting to get an education to give herself and her daughters a better future, and told Chris that her escort service is just "a quick spot of cash for her." While working in Charlottesville, she serviced her clients at a [http://www.daysinn.com/hotels/virginia/charlottesville/days-inn-charlottesville-university-area/hotel-overview?hotel_id=10134&cid=whg_di_gglsem_br&wid=ps:br_whg&tel=18006821082&002=2188742&004=2113581259&005=15394730470&006=36511643659&007=Search&008=&025=c&026= Days Inn] hotel.

Mia appears to have since quit the escort business, as she took her ad down by May 27,<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20120527155707/http://charlottesville.backpage.com/online/classifieds/AdNotFound?category=4443</ref> five days after her last known posting and no subsequent ads by her can be found. The title of her last ad read "Just arrived MIA Hamm¡¡¡¡§pec@ils all day & night – 20," and it included a picture. However, the ad itself is unfortunately irretrievable, so its contents are unknown.

As for Chris, aside from a brief raising of his spirits ([[Duck|among other things]]) and getting a little [[Chris and his ego|ego boost]] from having "done it", the sexual encounters that he had with Mia did little to lift him out of his state of depression at the time. In the years since the time he got laid, Chris has been largely uninterested in hiring further prostitutes and has gone back and forth between wanting an actual romantic companion and being satisfied with either [[Polyamorous marriage|enjoying his self-proclaimed marriage to fictional characters]] and/or [[Affair with Mother|screwing his mother]].

==Chris's account of their meeting==
[[Image:Virginbreaker.png|thumb|Chris bragging about how he paid for sex.]]

{{quote|Oh, I forgot to mention, she Really Enjoyed my [[Duck|dick]]; it was soo big and good, that it put the last dude she was with to shame; Her Words.|Chris on [[Facebook]], unaware that hookers typically tell clients things they want to hear}}

After recieving Backpage ads of escorts from his unknown contact, Chris drove to the Days Inn located between [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U.S._Route_29_in_Virginia Route 29] and [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U.S._Route_250_in_Virginia Route 250] to have sex with one of them. Mia was not Chris' original choice and was actually the third escort he contacted. "Riley," the one he intended to have sex with, never responded to his calls, and "Kristen," his next choice, was unavailable. Chris then decided to call Mia, who was able to see him and told Chris she could be found in room 338.

Upon entering her room at 4:30 PM, Chris could tell that Mia had been smoking [[Tobacky|weed]], which made him uncomfortable. He calmed down, however, after smelling [[Chris and health#Hygiene|hand sanitizer]]. They [[Nudes|stripped]] for each other, and "communicated good throughout." At Mia's insistence, Chris wore a green-apple-flavored [[Chris_and_sex#Contraceptives|condom]]. She applied it to him with her mouth, and then began to give him a blowjob. Chris enjoyed it, and stated that her tongue piercing added to the pleasure of the experience. Afterward, she laid beside Chris on the bed and they began feeling each other up. Chris described her [[china]] as feeling "really good," and he found her clitoris, though Mia did not allow him to [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|finger her]]. They began making out (but no tongue), and then Chris gave her a massage that he also gives [[Barb]], which he claims she enjoyed. Then, Chris informed her that he was ready for [[hanky-panky]]. He "requested Cowgirl, with possible missionary later," though this did not happen.

{{quote|Her pelvic thrusts were amazing; her pussy was tight, even after pushing two daughters out of there years ago. And I supported her thrusts with my hands on her knees, weaving back and forth. I also gave her [[Plush Breasts|breasts]] a good thrusting. I felt her front pelvic bone, which really made the top of the game. She came and I came, but on my coming, it was only half-felt. And the [[semen]] that was mostly inside, but a smidge on the outside of the condom, confirmed it.|Chris describing his first time}}

Afterward, Chris washed his [[duck]] with a [[Mass debating|washcloth]] he had brought with him. They spent the rest of their time conversing, and Chris gave Mia a gift basket containing "three apples, lavender air-freshener, breath mints, a 4-gig flash drive with the track sets of the [[WTJU Marathon|1990 WTJU jazz marathon]], Teenage Dream and Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You) album tracks, and a Hello Kitty Pez Dispenser."<ref>[[LoveYouLongTime E-mails, 2011-2012]]</ref> Mia told him a bit about her background, and Chris talked to her about the [[trolls]]. He also talked to her about ''[[Family Guy]]'' and ''[[South Park]]'' before her clock chimed, indicating that her next appointment was arriving. Chris promised that he would call her later, which he did at around 6:30. Mia had already finished with her next client, and told Chris that he was a disappointment to her. She said that the man's penis was smaller than Chris's and that it was a "wiener in a hallway" situation. Very soon after, Chris posted on [[Facebook]] that he was no longer a virgin. He taunted trolls with the fact that the only people who would ever know the full story would be himself, Mia (whose alias he did not mention), the person who put him in contact with her, and his future [[sweetheart]]. Apparently, [[Honest Content|Chris sees no problem with telling a potential girlfriend that he had his first sexual encounter with a prostitute,]] [[Women's rights|and expects them to be completely okay with this]]. Chris saw her again the following month, though the details of their second encounter are unknown. Mia appears to have left the escort business very soon after her second meeting with Chris, meaning that he would have been one of her last clients. What became of her afterwards is unknown.

===Fantasy vs. Reality===
Given [[List of Chris's lies|what we know]] [[Chris and reality|about Chris]], there is a strong possibility that this is not the [[TRUE and HONEST]] version of what happened. Chris paints himself as being unrealistically competent at sex for a virgin whose only prior knowledge of it comes from [[pornography]]. Additionally, Chris describes the incident as going off without a hitch, which is highly unlikely for a number of reasons, the most obvious of which is his horrifically bent [[duck]]. It is highly likely that Chris is omitting [[Obesity|unflattering details]] or making up flattering ones to make himself look better. Chris's notion that Mia enjoyed the experience probably stems from the fact that prostitutes often pay their clients compliments, because it helps them make money to do so. Chris would probably be [[naïve]] enough to believe that she was being sincere, or he could just be telling himself that she was in order to serve his already massive [[Chris and his ego|ego]].

In response to speculation about the event on the Chris discussion board [[CWCki Forums]], former troll [[Alec Benson Leary]] wrote:

{{quote|Yeah... jesus people, let me ask (those of you who aren't virgins) a question: What was the least interesting time you had sex like? Chris's hookertime was a tenth as interesting as that. He lay down, the hooker got on top and rode him for a little bit, then Chris decided his life was better than it was a day previously. The end.|[[Alec Benson Leary]] on the [[CWCki Forums]], 30 July 2014.<ref>[[CWCki Forums posts (Alec)#Mia Hamm]]</ref>}}

==See also==
* [[Hooker incident]] - Chris's first (and decidedly less pleasant) experience with hookers
* [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|Prostitution]]
* [[Kimmi]], [[Officer Nasty]], and [[Chris humps his PS3|his PS3]] - Chris's previous sex partners
* [[For Julie's Eyes Only]] - Chris's sex tape
* [[Carlos Chantor]] - Chris's first prostitution attempt (male)
* [[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's|Stephanie Bustcakes]] - Chris's second prostitution attempt (female)

{{References}}
{{People}}
{{Love quest}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hamm, Mia}}
[[Category:People Chris has had Sex with]]
[[Category:Millennial Generation]]
[[Category:People from the United States]]
[[Category:People from Virginia]]

CWC-isms

2025-12-10T06:22:48Z

Got2Hands:

<center>{{Honest}}</center>

{{Protip|Please refrain from using CWC-isms casually when writing articles, as this may make them difficult for newcomers to decipher.}}
One of [[Chris]]'s most notorious features is his strange '''vocabulary''', consisting of a mix of fairly standard words, slang, jargon, and various personal coinages.

Some of these coinages originate from a degree of prudery, likely inherited from his older parents and maintained by his childlike nature. Like many children who don't feel comfortable referring to [[Honest Content|adult concepts]] directly, Chris often resorts to creating cutesy euphemisms for a lot of words that anyone else his age would generally use with little reservation, which is common with autistic people. While some of them are understandable — after all, nobody would really relish discussing their [[Butt garments|diapers]] — others, such as "[[tobacky]]" instead of "tobacco", only serve to turn an otherwise normal sentence into an advertisement for Chris's childish nature.

Others are attempts to be clever that fail miserably, for example, he refers to [[semen]] as "[[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|navy]]", because semen sounds like sea men, [[Random-access humor|get it?]] Still others come from Chris's love of manipulating words, especially backwards spellings, {{w|portmanteau}} blends, “verbing” nouns, or liberal use of suffixes like “- ish” or “-er”. Combine this with the idiosyncratic speech patterns that are common among [[autism|autistics]] (likely since standard language may seem inefficient to explain their thought processes), and you get his so-called '''CWC-isms'''.

CWC-isms may be combinations or butchered versions of words or phrases that already exist, entirely new words, commonplace words that he uses repeatedly in a peculiar or obsessive way, or entirely new phrases that Chris often has to explain afterwards because nobody knows what he's talking about.

==Primary categories of CWC-isms==
Nearly all CWC-isms belong to one of the four following classes:
# '''CWC-neologism''' - a ''new'' word or phrase, unknown until ''created by Chris''. Example: ''[[CWC-isms#L|Lovehogs]]'', a portmanteau of "love" and "hedgehogs".
# '''CWC-homonym''' - an ''existing'' word or phrase, to which Chris has given a ''different meaning''. These may be euphemisms, designed to avoid naming (to Chris) offensive things, or else due to Chris confusing an elevated word's meaning. Example: ''[[Duck]]'', for Chris's penis; ''[[CWC-isms#T|telekinesis]]'', used erroneously in place of ''telepathy''.
# '''CWC-archaism''' - an ''obscure'' word or phrase, known in English but seldom used by contemporary Virginians, which Chris has learned somewhere and has ''become characteristic'' for Chris's way of speaking/writing. Example: ''[[CWC-isms#U|Uncouth]]'', a word now rarely used outside the context of formal etiquette, which Chris used to tell people how much of a jerk he perceive they're being to him.
# '''CWC-misspelling''' - only the ''most notable'' of Chris's ''misspellings'', including deliberate re-arrangements: those which are characteristic for Chris's way of writing. Example: ''[[Geinus]]'', what he deems himself to be; ''[[Pmurt]]'' for Donald Trump, 45th and 47th president of the United States. Chris's sporadic, inconsistent use of some [[Catherine|British spellings]] while otherwise using American English can also be considered under this category.



__NOTOC__

<div style="position:fixed; bottom:0; center:0">{{Alphabet ToC}}</div>

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

==#==
|-
|

;12-9
[[Image:Sonichu 12-9 Cover.jpg|The cover for Sonichu #12-9|thumb|200px]]

<blockquote>
1. ''(numeral)'' A placeholder for the number thirteen.

<blockquote> ''There are no quotes that cite the use of this CWC-ism directly. Chris however used it in lists that exceed 12 items.''<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1006915844016869377</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris has shown on a few occasions to dislike the number 13, due to him deeming it an unlucky number. This phenomenon, referred to as [[wikipedia:Triskaidekaphobia|triskaidekaphobia]], is already a popular superstition in American culture, and this is likely where Chris picked it up. His fear of the number has led to some bizarre effects, particularly in his numbering. A famous example of this unusual numbering shtick is in the 13th issue of his Sonichu comics, which he numbered as "Issue #12-9", in which he used an em-dash in the place of a decimal place. The 12-9 itself is meant to represent a value of "almost 13".</blockquote>

;15 minutes
[[File:15 minutes.jpg|thumb|200px|"It takes me fifteen f-yay minutes"]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' [[Masturbation]], the amount of time it takes for Chris.

<blockquote> ''Masturbation takes '''Fifteen LONG, Tiring and Annoying Minutes'''''<ref name=15min>[[Masturbation discussions]]</ref></blockquote>
<blockquote> ''Self-masturbation is really arduous and annoying. Another '''15 minutes''' down the drain.''<ref name=15min></ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris coined this phrase in 2021, using it in chats with the [[Watchmen]] and in the [[Workaholics Anonymous comic]].</blockquote>

;[[4-cent_garbage.com|4-Cent Garbage]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' The headquarters of [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and [[4-Chan]] trolls in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]''.

<blockquote> ''You will recognize her [?] as your sweetheart because from a fav- from a favor on her half, your internal clock will be restored fully, your enemies of '''4-cent-garbage''' will be vanquished, so you both will live together in peace. Live freely.''<ref>[[Sonichu 9 Official Videobook]]</ref></blockquote>
Origin: Since ED and 4chan were partly responsible for Megan's breakup with him, Chris decided to get payback on the both of them by combining the both of them into an evil corporation in Sonichu, dubbing it "4-cent Garbage".</blockquote>

;7-incher
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' A penis which measures seven-inches in length.

<blockquote> ''Good thing we stopped for a pack of condoms; it's too bad the regular-size ones break easily on my '''7-incher'''.''</blockquote>

Origin: According to Chris, his penis is about 7 inches, which he actually believes is the average length of a penis of an adult male <ref>[[Mailbag 20#Oral doesn't count]]</ref>. Chris has made all kinds of weird euphemisms for just his penis alone such as this one, "ugly growth", and "duck".</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

==A==
|-
|
;abreast
<blockquote>
1. ''(adjective)'' full of; filled with.

<blockquote>''It was not until after saving the city from the forces of Count Graduon and his minions, that she realized her form's new assets. And she was '''abreast''' with delight and glee when she found not the Male Part, but a Vagina!''<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''In fact, while I am fairly educated about Tribadism and '''abreast''' with theories, I would appreciate some experience with a lesbian or two who knows what she likes to enlighten me better, including on sensual massage and all that.''<ref>[[May_2015_Facebook_posts]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris uses this word when discussing feminine anatomy and lesbian sex, evidently because it includes the word "breast". He fails to realize that "abreast" actually means "adjacent" or "across".<ref>http://www.dictionary.com/browse/abreast</ref> A possible confusion with the word "abound" or "abundant".</blockquote>

;Adult Swim
<blockquote>
1. ''(adjective)'' pornographic or otherwise "NSFW"; containing [[Honest Content|adult content]].

<blockquote>''She still has a great drawing style, even for the '''Adult Swim''' section."<ref>[[CWCSonichu-NightStar2891 DMs]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Refers to the Cartoon Network block ''[[Adult Swim]]''. Chris seemed to only consider the "Adult" part of this block's name, and therefore assumed he could use this phrase to describe anything that's "adult" to him. Note that the Cartoon Network block does not feature pornographic content.

</blockquote>

;adulterous
<blockquote>
1. ''(adjective)'' Of an [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles|adult]] and mature nature

<blockquote>''Originally it was supposed to be like, you know, like ages 7 and up, but then I end up going to the content, uh, it could be considered, be like, be like definitely be considered '''adulterous'''.''<ref>[[Lars Call]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: usually used to describe people who [[Ivy|cheat]] on their [[Blanca Weiss|partners]] (i.e. guilty of adultery), Chris only notices the "adult" component of the word.

2. ''(adjective)'' Insult of unclear nature
<blockquote>''Heeeeey, folks! It's me, [[Clyde Cash]]. I am the ruler of the internet and the internet trolls. I am an '''adulterous''' foe, a bastard and a self-righteous idiot who spends his time wallowing and trolling the one Christian Weston Chandler, and making up a whole bunch of dadgum rumors all over the internet!''<ref>[[100 2267]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris simply throws out the insult without a clear understanding of the word. Possibly referring to Clyde taking [[PandaHalo]] from Chris, though this is more aptly described as cuckoldry than adultery. Perhaps influenced by the verb ''adulterate''.

</blockquote>

;among which
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' Among other things. Et cetera. Also. Additionally

<blockquote>'''''Among which''' I can project myself to (the Ninja Turtles universe)''<ref>[[Count Dankula#More CWCville (19:55-42:18)]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: [[Autism|Uncertain]]. Chris adopted this phrase and began using it heavily in a number of different contexts through-out 2018. Perhaps the clearest example of Chris's over-use of "among which" is the [[Dankula|Count Dankula interview]], where Chris uses the phrase no less than ten times.

</blockquote>

;an' anurr thing
<blockquote>
1. ''(Phrase, transitionary)'' Signifies that Chris wishes to make another point about a subject he is discussing, and that he wishes he were Peter Falk.

<blockquote>''An' anurr thing...CHRIS. Your for real- your real name, as I have been told by Kacey, is only Chris Chandler! No "-tian," no "-topher," just Chris! So, admit that. '''An' anurr thing''', I NAME is NOT IAN! BRANDON!!! SOMETHING!!!!!''<ref>[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: a corruption of "and another thing". Used constantly when Chris is angry.

</blockquote>
;[[Anaxis bird]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' Signifies that [[Anaxis]] was meant to be a messenger for the information that Chris requested he put in ''A Medium's Guidance''.

<blockquote>
''Perhaps you all may have heard how I came onto this from an '''Anaxis bird'''.''<ref>[[User:Anaxis/Watchmen Source Leaks#"Anaxis Bird"]]</ref>
</blockquote>

Origin: A mangling of the phrase "a little birdie told me", indicating that an anonymous source gave someone a piece of secret information. Because of Chris's misuse of the phrase, the other Watchmen present had come to believe that Anaxis was influencing Chris to write both the [[Affirmations List]] and the [[Lovers Attributes List]].</blockquote>

;[[Anchuent Prophecy|anchuent]]
[[Image:Anch.PNG|right|thumb|Chris and Sonichu amazed by the Anchuent Prophecy]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(adjective)'' Describes anything that is archaic in the ''Sonichu'' canon.

<blockquote>
''Well, what's this? I'm havin' an upgrade? Huh! Huh! My- my powers are given me the ability to fly with my wings attached to my head! It's like a w- it's like an add-on! That's optional! Huh! Must have been done by '''Anchuent''' Powers, so awesome I can fly now! Huh!''<ref>[[Sonichu_3_Official_Videobook]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Initially, "anchuent" was taken to be a misspelling of the word "ancient" given Chris's [[Chris and English|poor grasp of the English language]]. Over time, however, it was revealed that "anchuent" was meant to be a portmanteau of the words "ancient" and "Sonichu", adding the "chu" part of "Sonichu" into the word "ancient".<ref>[[Sonichu_3_Official_Videobook]]</ref> </blockquote>

;and shit
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' And additional items.

<blockquote>''I don't want to believe in labels at all but I mean obviously, tale- the incest fanfics have come true '''and shit'''.''<ref>[[Incest call]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''But, yeah, I did not verbally argue as much growing up, and it took facing the even Toughter Moments since 2000 '''and shit''' for me to actually formulate and speak better self-defenses with what is Truth''<ref>[[Jail Letter - 20 October 2021#22 October]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A more profane variant of "and such" (see below). Chris often uses the phrase in unfitting contexts. He may have picked it up from [[Lars]]'s constant usage of the phrase during the 2010 [[Lars Call]].
</blockquote>

;and such
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' And additional items; to add to a list.

<blockquote>''At least to give you all, my patient, loyal Fans and Trolls, something to quell your pallets until Official Merchandise is sold in Official Stores such as Toys 'R' Us, GameStop, Best Buy, Wal-Mart, etcetera '''and such'''.''<ref>[[CWC Blog|Cwcipedia captain's log, 25 November 2009]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris understands the term's meaning, but uses it superfluously.
</blockquote>

;anthropological
<blockquote>
1. ''(adjective)'' human-like, anthropomorphic.

<blockquote>''In dressing myself for the burial work, I saw Snoopy had merged with his '''anthropological''' self-counterpart on the C-197 half of the veil.''<ref>[[July 2021 social media posts#Eulogy for Snoopy]]</ref></blockquote>
</blockquote>

;acquisition
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' A charge or allegation of wrongdoing.

<blockquote>''NO! MORE! Of those stupid '''acquisition''' messages!''<ref>[[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A {{w|malapropism|malaprop}} of "accusation".
</blockquote>

;artery

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' art.

<blockquote>''Good evening, but between this and the, uh, oh, and the other clips I would like to present you, uh, a few examples of hand '''artery'''.''<ref>[[CWC - Hand Drawn Original]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Not to be confused with the term for blood vessels. Chris doesn't seem to realize "art" is already a noun and doesn't need the suffix, and that "artistry" also exists.
</blockquote>

;as such

<blockquote>1. ''(adverb)'' In the manner previously described.

<blockquote>''They just hated me because they don't, they did not understand people with autism. And so they tortured me '''as such'''.''<ref name=FatherCall>[[Father Call]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris overuses this phrase to the point of self-parody. He's either tacking it on to fill space when he can't think of the next thing to say, or he's peppering it into his language in a feeble attempt to sound intelligent.
</blockquote>

;ass burgers

<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' [[Asperger's Syndrome]]

<blockquote> ''There are no quotes that cite the use of this CWC-ism directly, as Chris instead alludes to it as "a bad cut of cow meat".</blockquote>

Origin: Since the CWCipedia Saga, Chris has been noted for disliking Asperger's Syndrome, viewing it as something that makes autistic people look bad due to the term vaguely sounding like "ass burgers". Chris has alternatively suggested the term can also sound like "something that can be picked nasally", aka "ass boogers".
</blockquote>

;ass manager
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Either a misspelling or a derogatory term for "assistant manager," based on the abbreviation "ass. manager."

<blockquote>''I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.''<ref>[[December 2014 Facebook Posts#Shit, Meet Fan]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris has only used this term once, when referring to the [[Yellow-Shirted Foe]]. It's unclear if this was a misspelling or [[Manajerk|yet]] [[Jerkop|another]] childish insult based on someone's job title.</blockquote>

;[[Attraction Location|attraction location]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Any place Chris may sit to gain the attention of any passing women, only to get promptly kicked out afterward.

<blockquote>''Also, as of early November, I was reemitted into the Fashion Square Shopping Center, and since Mid-December, I totally left the UVA as an '''Attraction Location'''.''<ref name=CurrentDays>[[Story of My Current Days]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris, having a very difficult socializing with women, thought that sitting around in a certain place and soliciting himself would be a better alternative. Therefore, it would make sense to him to sit in a location with many people in order to gain the attention of several women.</blockquote>

;attraction time

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The time that is spent at an attraction location

<blockquote>''Then, on my next visit to the mall, I felt seriously depressed about what had happened the other day; it killed my '''attraction time'''''.<ref name=CurrentDays/></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;audio-sonic feeling

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' the arousing feeling caused by getting hit by sound waves

<blockquote>''Here is a most '''audio-sonic feeling'''. While at the club last night, the [[Chris and music|music]] was loud, maybe reverberating or echoing. The music and beats literally shook up my rack! I actually Felt the music playing and reverbing within my breasts, almost like my breasts had become a pair of speakers. It Felt Amazing and Arousing!''<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#Manboob Tunes]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: As shown in the quote above, Chris believed that he was sexually aroused when sound waves hit him. In actuality, sound, a vibration,<ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sound</ref> creates pressure. The louder the sound, the more pressure gets created from the wave. Therefore, very loud music should be able to hit Chris given that he's a [[obesity|huge target]], creating that "arousing" feeling, which is actually an alternation between high and low pressures.</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== B ==
|-
|

;B-dog
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Derogatory epithet for women.

<blockquote>''Then that [[Mary Lee Walsh|'''B-Dog''']] ripped up my notes and all, dragged me to her quarters and talked down to me very RUDELY AND HOARSELY.''<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Childish censorship of the word "bitch"; bitch also meaning "female dog". [[Bubbles Rosechu]] is implied to say this in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], when she shouts "BEEE..!!!" at [[Silvana]].<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Issue_8/Page_95|Issue 8 Pages 94-95}}</ref>
</blockquote>

;bally
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' round; having the texture of a perfectly round ball.

<blockquote>''I've always given her a "'''Bally'''-Scratch" where I stroke her head with all five fingers like as if I was gently squeezing a rubber ball.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris_emails_2004-2006</ref></blockquote>

Origin: If one didn't know Chris was referring to his dog, Patti, and that he gives her a "Bally-scratch" on the head, one might conclude that he's fondling someone's genitals. Chris, [[CWC-isms#N|naive]] to how suggestive this sounds, gave this special kind of petting the name "Bally-scratching" because of how stroking her head felt like he was squeezing a rubber ball.</blockquote>

;Be Woman
<blockquote>1. ''(verb phrase)'' Be '''a''' woman.

<blockquote>''I am a Lesbian Transwoman; I am not confused or mentally ill about that; '''I Am Woman.'''''<ref>[[March 2017 tweets#Proud_to_be_a_feminist]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''How Dare You Insult and be so Inconsiderate of Her like that? '''She Is Woman'''; she would Never Revert Back.''<ref>[[NightStar2891_tweets#She_is_woman]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used regularly when Chris asserts his [[Tomgirl|transgender identity]], notable for the consistent lack of a proper article and capitalization of each word in the phrase. Originally only attested in the first person ("I Am Woman"), a post on Chris's [[Miss Night Star]] Twitter sockpuppet account uses the third person ("She Is Woman"). Technically first appears in [[Sonichu 8]] when [[The Incredible Lioness]] attacks [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], as the somewhat cliché musical reference [[wikipedia:I Am Woman|"I am woman, hear me roar!"]], which may have inspired Chris's broader use of the phrase. This could be a reference to the Bhagavad Gita or Oppenheimer ("Now I am become death, destroyer of worlds.") [[honor roll|but this is unlikely]].
</blockquote>



;[[Biological clock|biological clock]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' [[Wikipedia:Circadian Rhythm|circadian rhythm]]

<blockquote>'''I have a lot of stored caffeene [sic] in my energy supply, and not only kept me on my toes, but has also messed up my fucking '''biological clock''' as well.''<ref>[[Biological clock]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Although technically not used incorrectly in this context, the phrase "biological clock" is used exclusively for women in their child-bearing years. Possibly a confusion with "internal clock".
</blockquote>

;blangry
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' [[Chris and anger|Angry]].

<blockquote>''Oh, and how 'bout this?! I get '''BLANGRY'''! ''<ref>[[Chris Calls Clyde Out]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Given Chris's belief that he has [[Chris and English|mastered the English language]] and his [[speech impediment]], it's likely he meant to say angry.
</blockquote>

;blue-printed
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Skilled in engineering.

<blockquote>''I like many others, was born a foal; to a '''blue-printed''' Pegasus and a country tomboy earth mare.''<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/screenshot_20171019-235945_01-png.299275/</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris portrayed Bob's Pony Counterpart in [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]] as an engineer, just like the real [[Bob Chandler|Bob]]. Due to Chris's limited vocabulary, Chris knew very little words he could use to describe Bob's profession. Derived from the word "blueprints", the plans set for the design of a product. </blockquote>

;[[Boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]]

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Single; particularly used on women.

<blockquote>''Ahh, well, it's been over a year and ten months now since I started my sweetheart-search; I still haven't found a '''boyfriend-free'''-caring-smoke-free-non-alcoholic-white-girl-near-my-age to build a relationship with from the ground up.''</blockquote>

Origin: Chris’s mission in life used to be to obtain a girlfriend and have sex. However, every chance he thinks he gets, they already have a boyfriend. This has made Chris “fear” girls who already have boyfriends.</blockquote>

;breaking my balls, busting my balls

<blockquote>1. ''(idiom)'' Feeling annoyed, teased, and/or nagged by somebody or something.

<blockquote>''Don't do this, you're '''breaking my balls''' here.''<ref name=SHOWDOWN>[[SHOWDOWN: The TRUE CWC Confronts The FAKE]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I have gave you the last warning, I gave you the last response, you just '''busted my balls''' again, you're going to jail.''<ref name=SHOWDOWN/></blockquote>

Origin: Originally said by Eric Cartman in an episode of ''[[South Park]]''.
</blockquote>

;Buddha belly
<blockquote>1. ''(expression)'' Excess fat that gives a person a [[obesity|very round appearance]].

<blockquote>''Okay, well, I admit I do have a '''Buddha belly''', but I am not lazy, I do get out and about, I exercise, I jog and work out, and I eat healthy.''<ref name=FatherCall/></blockquote>

Origin: "[[Wikipedia:Buddha|Buddha]]" is a title given to several legendary figures in [[Wikipedia:Buddhism|Buddhism]]. In this case, Chris is making reference to [[wikipedia:Budai|Budai]], who is often known as "Fat Buddha". Chris presumably picked up the phrase from the ''[[Family Guy]]'' episode "To Love and Die in Dixie".
</blockquote>

;bugbears
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' [[Trolls]], [[weens]], and other Chris-related orbiters who make him miserable.

<blockquote>''Freaking CyberBullies!!!!!!! Real '''Bugbears''', they are!''<ref>[[Apologies to the liked Bronies and Pegasisters; PLEASE UNBLOCK ME ON TWITTER!]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Although the term was originally defined in the 16th century as 'a cause of obsessive fear, anxiety, or irritation.', It was given a another definition centuries later to describe a race of hobgoblins made famous by [[Wikipedia:Bugbear (Dungeons & Dragons)|Dungeons & Dragons]]. It's widely believed that Chris picked up the term from [[My Little Pony]]: Friendship is Magic, which depicted these creatures as literal bear-insect hybrids that are first seen terrorizing the ponies.
</blockquote>

;buh bye bay nose
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' but if anybody knows.

<blockquote>''If I knew who you were, I'd give you a kick in da bawls. But I can't, because I don't know who or where you are. '''Buh bye bay nose''' the whereabouts of the... [[JERKS|jerk]]... and just happens to be nearby... or within the state? Give him a swick kick for me.''<ref>[[Christian's Update 13 September 2008]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A result of Chris’s [[speech impediment]]</blockquote>

</blockquote>
;but during the stone age...
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A rebuttal for something obvious being stated.

<blockquote>''You don’t have to tell me twice! '''But during the stone age...'''''<ref>[[Sonichu 2]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: According to the [[Sonichu 2 Official Videobook|Videobook for Sonichu #2]], the phrase originates from how you need to “tell cavemen twice” over anyone else.</blockquote>

;[[Butt garments|butt garment]]
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|Leaked footage of Chris in a butt garment]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' an adult diaper; typically one used to control Chris's [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fecal incontenence]].

<blockquote>''The doctor corrected that they were liners; he never called them diapers. Neither did Chris- he called them “'''butt garments'''”.''</blockquote>

Origin: To avoid embarrassment from stating that he shits himself constantly, and uses incontinence pads, Chris refers to them as butt garments.
</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== C ==
|-
|

;C-Log
<blockquote>1. ''(abbreviation)'' Captain's Log.

<blockquote>'''''C-Log''' February 4th, 2010. First off, I'm not dead, and I have a few announcements to make.''<ref>[[I am Alive]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: For quite some time, Chris has had the habit of abbreviating certain words or phrases that begin with "'''C'''", possibly for [[Chris and his Ego|his name also beginning with "'''C'''"]], as well as to put greater emphasis on the letter C in the words he abbreviates. Other examples of this kind of abbreviation include "C-Mas" and "C-Ville".
</blockquote>

;C-Mas
<blockquote>1. ''(abbreviation)'' Christmas

<blockquote> ''The [[Christmas]] season is upon us, and with that comes the rush for the '''C-Mas''' Turkey, Tree (real or artificial), and of course, the presents. So, Sonichu and the News Dash have some helpful tips to give a better feel of the season to all.<ref>[[Sonichu's_News_Dash#A_Very_Special_Holiday_Chris-chan]]
</ref>''</blockquote>

Origin: See ''C-Log''.
</blockquote>

;C Ville (or C-Ville)
<blockquote>1. ''(abbreviation)'' [[Charlottesville, VA]].

<blockquote>''Look, you're going to back in '''C-Ville''' tomorrow, I can meet you at the McDonalds at Forest Lakes, what time is good for our meeting?''<ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 3]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' Generic term for any city whose name fits the pattern of beginning with "C" and ending with "ville," e.g., [[CWCville]], Charlottesville, etc.

<blockquote>''And when you diss Cwcville you disf- you diss every "'''C Ville'''" within these United States.''<ref>[[Do Not Dis C Ville]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: See ''C-Log''.
</blockquote>

;[[Captain's Log|Captain's Log]]
[[File:CWCtrek1.png|400px|right|thumb|The Autistic Generation]]
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' The classic opening for a vlog video Chris makes to adress the fanbase, which includes the date of production. Replaced in 2015 with "live from home once again".

<blockquote>'''''Captain's Log'''. Stardate: September... 24th, 2008.''<ref>[[Chris Chan Update 24 September 2008]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: One may come to the conclusion that Chris picked up this phrase from Star Trek, however, Chris is neither a fan of the Star Trek franchise, nor has he seen any clips of the show<ref>[[Mailbag_3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_14]]</ref>. It is more likely that Chris picked up the phrase from cartoons like [[Family Guy]], which references Star Trek, considering how much he watched the show religiously.</blockquote>

;carniverous
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' evil, vengeful.

<blockquote>''On today's show, we will take a close-up look at the '''carniverous''' jerkops.''<ref>https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P29.htm</ref></blockquote>Origin: A misspelling of "carnivorous". It is unknown what word Chris meant to use here, but "carnivorous" certainly wasn't it.</blockquote>

;[[china]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Female genitalia

<blockquote>''I love dykes! DYKES! '''CHINA!'''''<ref>[[CWC's_Second_Message]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris, uncomfortable with directly saying the word "vagina", decided to alter the word to a cutesy, similar-sounding word. Based off of a term for porcelain "china".</blockquote>

;coldest shoulder

<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' to rebel.

<blockquote>''Those people like me at the very least, NOT counting all of the deceitful people I have had the displeasure of knowing who turned '''Coldest Shoulder''' Against me and STARTED all of the Online Hatred.''<ref>[[April_2012_Facebook_posts]]</ref>

''One of which, Amanda, is one of the Part-Time Manajerks who gives her elders the '''coldest of shoulders'''.''<ref>[[Coffee Place]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A misuse of the phrase "turning a cold shoulder", a phrase used for the negligence of another person<ref>https://www.collinsdictionary.com/us/dictionary/english/turn-a-cold-shoulder-to</ref>. </blockquote>

;Come Adore
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A sermon from Chris's religion.
<blockquote>''That's all for now. Be safe and well.

Mrs. Jesus Christine Chan Sonichu.

Commodore Come Adore<ref>[[Jail Letter - 27 June 2022]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Yet another retarded pun from Chris, specifically based on the [[Commodore 64]].
</blockquote>

;[[Comeuppance|comeuppance]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Male orgasm.
<blockquote>''...I feel my '''comeuppance''' and I come into your mouth, my [[semen]] is inside your mouth and you'd swallow every drop. (...) And right after I'd given you my first round, my first '''comeuppance''', you would take, you would reach down, and you would take your face away from my penis...''<ref>[[Chris Sex Logs]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' [[Semen]], usually immediately after ejaculation. ''See also: [[CWC-isms#N|Navy]]''
<blockquote>''Yeah, and I'm just gonna keep bangin' your breasts over and over again until you get the first dosage of my '''comeuppance'''!''<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>
</blockquote>

Origin: Chris uses the sexual slang "cum" as a [[For Julie's Eyes Only|verb]] for orgasm, but he may not realize it can also be a noun referring to ejaculate. In his mind, "comeuppance" apparently serves that purpose, viz., "that which has come/cum up."

In the real world, "comeuppance" is an English noun meaning [[Wiktionary:comeuppance|outcome which is justly deserved]] based upon the common verb "come," i.e., the state of coming forward to receive judgment. He is either unaware of the original definition of the word or does not appreciate the irony of telling women he's going to give them comeuppance.

Note that the contexts of the real word and Chris's version are different. When a woman is rebuked, she receives her comeuppance; when a woman gets Chris's hot load in her face, she receives ''his'' "comeuppance."
</blockquote>

;count you(r) blessing(s)
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase used as a retort when someone complains about the quality of your work.
<blockquote>It’s an early thing; it will improve later on. Curb your enthusiasm and '''count your blessing.'''</blockquote>
Origin: In [[January 2020]] Chris was seen using the phrase when he was attacked after chimping out about being blocked on social media. Recently people have been questioning the quality of the newest [[medallions]], produced by [[Praetor]]. Chris, perhaps in an attempt to "calm the trolls down'' tells them to '''count their blessings''.</blockquote>

;crash into slumber (or crash and burn)
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' To get so sad and [[Chris and stress|stressed out]] that you get tired from exhaustion.

<blockquote>And… the void in my heart that requires a sweetheart is open again, and it hurts. I hope you jerks and trolls who wanted to break us up… are happy… 'cause all you did was make me feel sad and depressed. And you made me '''crash… into slumber'''… a couple of times. And you know, it takes a lot of stress and exhaust… and such… to make a person feel like they're gonna crash and burn… into a whole bunch of s-- into a long slumber… that just basically sleeps o-- that just basically sleeps off the—uh, what's the word I was looking for? I had it. Ugh…<ref>[[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008]]
</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris famously said that he "crashed into slumber" in the video [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008]], where he shows off how depressed and angry he was with his latest tomfoolery at the time. It could be because that one of Chris's main methods of coping with his stress is to sleep it off, and tried to make it sound hyperbolic by stating that he "crashed" onto the bed, as if he tried to get it done sooner.</blockquote>

;crestfallen
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Sad and disappointed

<blockquote>''I should have been Highly Recognized for my ARTISTIC TALENTS I showed in my Many Art Classes for the Award Ceremonies before Graduation Day. I felt '''crestfallen''' greatly from not getting recognized for any of my Talents. I EXCELLED IN MATH TOO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Manchester_High_School</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys R Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and '''crestfall'''. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/26_December_2014</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Another obscure word Chris liked to use a lot, even today. It even got to the point where he tried to put it into a baffling progressive tense "to my dismay and crestfall".</blockquote>

;crooks
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Those who may steal Chris's intellectual property for malicious purposes. ''(pl.)''

<blockquote>''I aways keep my eyes open for '''crooks''' who take my [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]]'s name and put it in offensive use!''<ref>''[[:File:116-CWCCop.jpg|116-CWCCop.jpg]]''</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' websites, and even words on websites which communicate lies about Chris.

<blockquote>''And that [[ED]] page is one of those crooks. Every page--every word on the discussion page is a '''crook'''.''<ref>[[Take that Page DOWN NOW!]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A finishing move Chris does on his adversaries in order to "curse" them, publicly or otherwise.

<blockquote>''Hmmm...'''Curse-ye-ha-me-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!'''''<ref>[[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A reference to the Kamehameha energy attack from the [[Dragon Ball]] series, performed in the same way it is in the anime. Chris believes that he possesses [[Chris and reality#Magic|magical powers]]. Typically, these so-called magical powers would be used whenever an enemy gets in the way of whatever he wants to do, since Chris is too afraid to actually fight anyone. Therefore, he will rely on this magical power in order to gain control of whoever is giving him trouble.</blockquote>

;CWC-sense
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The ability to sense Chris's presence.

<blockquote> ''Seriously though, awesome timing coming in, just as we, and Chris, had just finished writing the lyrics...was your '''CWC-sense''' tingling?''<ref>https://www.patreon.com/posts/15092809</ref></blockquote></blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== D ==
|-
|

;D.A.
<blockquote>1. ''(abbreviation)'' Unexplained, presumably a substitution to avoid the word "dumbass." Most likely ''not'' "District Attorney," although equally applicable to [[Marvey Blaziken]].

<blockquote>''You are obviously a troll trying to pick on my nerves; nice try, '''D.A.'''''<ref>[[Mailbag 15]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris intermittently decides to self-censor his profanities for the benefit of younger readers.
</blockquote>

;da
<blockquote>1. ''(article)'' [[Wikipedia:Eye dialect|Eye dialect]] spelling of the word [http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/the the].

<blockquote>''Y'all know me as [[DJ Jamsta|Jamsta Sonichu]], '''da''' DJ with da power!''<ref>[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], page 43</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris writes "the" as "da" when he intends for his characters (or himself) to sound laid-back and cool. This is most notable with Jamsta Sonichu, who is supposed to sound like a hip radio DJ and/or a [[Niggos|Jamaican man]]. Chris may intend at times to do the same thing in his verbal communications, although his [[speech impediment]] makes it difficult to tell when he actually means to say "da."
</blockquote>

;Da Update
[[File:Daupdate.jpg|thumb|400px|[[Megan]], comparing Chris's [[Chris and his Ego|attitude]] to [[Dragon Ball Z|Goku]].]]
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' The latest news.

2. ''(phrase)'' The most recent fail Chris is responsible for.

<blockquote>''Hey, guys! What's '''da update'''?''</blockquote>

Origin: Dialogue used by Chris, in an exceedingly awkward attempt to sound casual, in the pages of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]. As Chris's [[fans]] have searched the Internet for the latest news from our hero, "da update" has become shorthand for "the latest [[Relics of Fail|failure]] Chris has committed." The phrase became legendary when posted above the Chris-chan talk page on [[ED]] (eventually the page was locked, forcing mass migration to the [[PVCC (message board)|PVCC]]).

</blockquote>

;[[Darling|darling]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A potential lover, even one that shows no affection back at you.

<blockquote>''Thank you, Doopie '''Darling'''. :)<ref>[[July 2017 tweets#Thanks, darling]]</ref>''</blockquote>

Origin: Chris, so hellbent on being [[Chris and kindness|kind]] to just about any potential sweetheart he met, thinks it's appropriate to refer to women he doesn't know outside of the internet by pet names to sound like he really cares for them, despite it being creepy to most other people. Chris's main justification for using this word on women who don't bond with him is that the actor [[Wikipedia:Tallulah Bankhead|Tallulah Bankhead]] used this word a lot, ignoring the fact that she only did this while on set and was an attractive woman.</blockquote>

;[[Dating education|Dating Education]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' formal education in schools about dating people of the opposite sex.

<blockquote>''Also, in addition, while we also fully support Sexual Education in every high school, Christian Weston Chandler also highly recommends, and would gladly support, '''Dating Education''' classes, because, while Sex Ed is great for the eventual, well-earned intercourse after 3 or more dates, it is vital to learn what to do before that moment. It should be well0taught how to approach and ask one’s member of the opposite gender out for the very first date.''<ref>[[:File:DatingEducation.jpg]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The lack of "Dating Education classes" is something that Chris used to complain about all of the time, because he's simply incapable of finding a [[CWC-isms#S|sweetheart]], and that it would be a great advantage for people of his type to learn how to do so. Chris doesn't understand that a key aspect of obtaining a mate is to develop the proper [[Chris and socialization|social skills]], especially those around [[women]], and that it has very little to do with how much sex he has with them.</blockquote>

;dementia
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A synonym for Chris's [[autism]].

<blockquote>''My brain is blank and, I definitely wouldn't have realized. Word of the day, Dementia. The umbrella term for all the mentally wearing down people, I got some dementia okay? So give me time, give me space, alright? And some slack.''<ref>[[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;detail
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A thing of importance that Chris cannot recall at any given moment.

<blockquote>''I do not have the appropriate calm state of mind to make time to READ those numerous upon numerous small-print '''details''', much less memorize them.''<ref>[[Wikipedia#May 2009 drama]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

<blockquote>2. ''(noun)'' Something that Chris does not understand.

<blockquote>''There was one I remember from then where the essay had a lot of offensive content, including smoking, and I spoke my mind on how offended I was of it. Plus other details I misunderstood that he was expecting in the assignments.'' <ref>[[Jackie E-mails 9]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris's ability to retain information is questionable (unless it's about [[Sonichu (comic)|something]] [[Lego|he]] [[Pokémon|obsesses]] [[PS3|over]]). As such, he "misunderstands" and "forgets" a lot of glaringly important things, such as [[Father call|how to live on his own]] and [[Jackie E-mails 2|the fact that he cheated on Ivy]].
</blockquote>

;devotee
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An [[enabler]] of Chris.

<blockquote>''Ah, I believe I have the proper term. Going from "Worshiper", I checked the thesaurus:"'''Devotee'''" in the term sounds better. "Devotees of Chris Chan Sonichu"(DoCCS). This is my better educates and thought suggestion." ''<ref>[[November 2019 social media posts#Devotees of Chris Chan Sonichu]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Believing himself to be a goddess, Chris needed a term to refer to any of his followers. The term was originally "worshiper", but then after a quick thesaurus search, he decided to change the term to "devotees", solely because he thought it sounded smarter. Although technically a synonym of "worshiper", the term "devotee" is more often used in Eastern religions such as Hinduism and Buddhism.
</blockquote>

;Did the do, to do the do
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' To have sexual intercourse, likely under deceptive conditions

<blockquote>''[[Lovely Weather|Lovely]] was hot. She mistook me for myself and we went home from work that night, so Lovely and I '''did the do''', and it was awesome!''<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Issue_10/Page_2|Issue 10 Page 2}}</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An even more benign variation of the common euphemism for sex, "doing it". Likely taken from [[Wikipedia:Emission_Impossible|an episode]] of [[Family Guy]].
</blockquote>

;dige
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Marijuana

<blockquote>''My name's [[Inos]]... wha' chu up to? I am eclectic on this hedge... high on the hog... you wan' som' of this '''dige''', mon?''<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Issue_10/Page_70|Issue 10 Page 70}}</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Intended to be part of a coded reference to "Sonichu, Electric Hedgehog Digimon". It is not known why he changed the reference from "Pokemon" to "Digimon".
</blockquote>

;[[dimension]]
[[File:Chrisminecraft.jpg|right|thumb|In a universe of multiple realities, anything is possible according to Chris.]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Either our universe or a fictional one, such as the one in which ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' or ''[[My Little Pony]]'' are set, both held to be equally [[Chris and reality|real]] in Chris's ontology.

<blockquote>''For Our Home World and All other '''Dimensions''', Realities and Worlds; All Of Us! Dance! Dance! Dance!!!''<ref>[[Freestyle Dance With Me, For Our World]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Dumbing down some physicists' hypothetical notion of other physical universes embedded in mathematically higher-dimensional space, which has since seeped into pop culture and thence down to Chris.
</blockquote>

;[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]]
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' Used as a reference to Chris's fecal incontinence.

<blockquote>''I have NUMBERS OF PAIRS OF '''DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS'''.''<ref>[[IRC_(20_January_2009)]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris used this phrase during an [[IRC (20 January 2009)|IRC chat]] with [[Clyde Cash]] and [[BILLY MAYS]] after they alleged that Chris has a fondness to wear women's underwear. In order to confirm his straightness, he retorted by admitting the fact that he has "NUMBERS OF PAIRS OF DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS". Soon after, due to how humorous the phrase sounded, it became a shorthand for trolls to refer to Chris's fecal incontinence.</blockquote>

;disabled of crafting
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' Too apathetic to work

<blockquote>''Since last December with the Lulu.com problems (resolved), that has left me with a bad emotional and mental scar. Leaving me feeling '''disabled of crafting'''...''<ref>[[August 2016 Facebook posts#Too lazy to work]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris being defensive when a customer asked how he could be trusted to follow through on an order, when he had failed to send out orders from his Etsy shop, which resulted in his seller account getting closed.
</blockquote>

;dispel
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' Reject, turn away

<blockquote>''[T]o dispel me is to discriminate against the LGBTQ community as well.<ref>[[Unban_contracts#GameStop|GameStop unban contract]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A misunderstanding of the meaning of the word.</blockquote>

;Dork of Ages
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Someone who deserves scorn for creating an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] article on you.

<blockquote>He is the '''Dork of Ages'''. Y'all should be sending every last complaint and hatred towards—rain down upon him. Send him every last email you can. Shower him with as much hate as possible until that Encyclopedia Dramatica page is taken down, [gives a thumbs down] along with him.<ref name=AttentionAll>[[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used on [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] after he created Chris's Encyclopedia Dramatica page. This phrase was [[List of phrases Chris copied from media|taken]] from the American Dad episode "Dungeons and Wagons", where Hayley called Steve the "Dork of Ages" while he played "Dragon Shuffle".</blockquote>

;Drunk, High Aqua Teenatic
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Backstabber.

<blockquote>''You could be a Better, More Supportive Friend, instead of a '''Drunk, High Aqua Teenatic''' with your sweetheart!!!''<ref>[[October 2017 Facebook posts#Quinn breaks up with Chris again]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A bizarre attempt to turn the title of the Adult Swim cartoon, ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]'' into an insult.</blockquote>

;[[duck]]
[[Image:BentDuck.jpg|thumb|right|An example of a bent duck]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris's penis

<blockquote>''MY '''DUCK''' HUNGERS FOR TOM-TOM TO POUND!!!!!''<ref>[[I_Am_The_TRUE,_Original_CCWC]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Initially "duck" was taken to be a typo of "dick" since the "u" and "i" keys are close together. It was later revealed that Chris was using this neologism as an intentional euphemism to refer to his own penis.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref>

''See also:'' [[CWC-isms#P|pickle]]</blockquote>

;dyke

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A vagina.

<blockquote>I love dykes! DYKES! '''CHINA!'''<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In actuality, the word dyke (or dike) refers to an embankment, wall, or ridge built to control or confine water. It is also a derogatory term for [[lesbian]]s, which is somewhat ironic, given Chris's homophobia at the time.</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== E ==
|-
|

;elbow-greased
[[Image:Elbow-Greased Strength.jpg|200px|thumb|Chris gets swole]]

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Earned from hard work and exercise

<blockquote>''There are no quotes that cite the use of this CWC-ism. It appears in his [[resume]], where he lists "elbow-greased strength" as one of his "functional skills"''</blockquote>

Origin: A misuse of the idiom, "elbow-grease", a figure of speech humorously used for tasks that involve manual labor only. </blockquote>

;[[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]''

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Any of the characters found in Sonichu which are hybrids of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] characters and/or Pokemon.

<blockquote>''Since the inspiration and conception of Sonichu, the '''Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon''' on March 17, 2000, I have grown further in his stories, plots and adventures in a series of hand-drawn and computer-edited comic books.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris%27s_resume</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Despite the name, a majority of "Electric Hedgehog Pokemon" are neither Pokemon or hedgehogs. This misnomer may come from Chris's original characters being hybrids of two Sonic characters, both of whom are hedgehogs (Sonic and Amy Rose) and two Pokémon (Pikachu and Raichu).</blockquote>

;emotional differences

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A strong disagreement between two people.

<blockquote>''I told you! It was, it was because of, uh, '''emotional differences.'''''<ref>[[Father Call#The Shit Hits the Fan (33:24-39:17)]]</blockquote>

Origin: Chris mentioned that he got terminated from [[Wendy's]] in the [[Father Call]], due to their "emotional differences", possibly meaning that a heated argument between him and his employer ensued.</blockquote>

;empirical
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' resorting to experience to gain knowledge rather than through scientific means.

<blockquote>''So, throw away the book talk; be '''empirical''' and believe what you know is fact'' <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2012_Facebook_posts#Empirical</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris attributed the nearly opposite definition of the word to Jeremy Hilary Boob PhD, a character from [[Wikipedia:Yellow Submarine|''Yellow Submarine'']]. Considering this, Chris must have picked up this strange definition from the content in the Beatles Edition of ''Rock Band''.</blockquote>

;entendre

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Charisma or attraction

<blockquote>''Too much '''entendre'''?''<ref>https://www.patreon.com/posts/15092809</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Derived from the phrase "double entendre", a figure of speech used for words or phrases with a double meaning, typically [[Duck|with]] [[Mass Debating|one]] [[China|of]] [[Recycling|them]] [[Pickle|being]] [[Comeuppance|risque]].<ref>https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/double%20entendre</ref> In English, the word "entendre" isn't typically used outside of the phrase itself, but in many other languages like French and Catalan, it is understood to mean "to hear" or "to understand". Chris, thinking he knows everything there is to know about the English language, once again thought he would sound smart by using this obscure word.
</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== F ==
|-
|

;F-yay
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' A euphemism for the swear word "fucking".

<blockquote>''For all this time, every single time, [[Mass debating|it takes me fifteen '''f-yay''' minutes]].''<ref>[[Workaholics Anonymous comic]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Seen in the [[Workaholics Anonymous comic]] from [[March 2021]] and again in [[August 2025]].<ref>[[August 2025 social media posts#Decepticlone Punislav... yay]]</ref> The yay comes from Fluttershy's cheer in the [[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]] episode Sonic Rainboom, which was a popular meme in the brony fanbase.</blockquote>

;[[Fangs|fangs]]
[[File:Showing_Off_Fangs.jpg|thumb|right|200px|How Chris imagined himself when showing off his canines]]
[[File:ChrisCavities.JPG|thumb|right|200px|The reality. The red arrows point to Chris's cavities]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris's canine teeth.

<blockquote>''They're called Eye-Teeth, but they feel and look like '''fangs''' of a vampire, dog or something to me.''<ref>[[Sonichu_Girls#Your_understanding_me_fukky_.281_January_2009.29]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I'm not afraid to SHOW MY '''FANGS'''!''<ref>[[CWC_Update_8_January_2009]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris believes his teeth to be unordinary compared to most other people's teeth, apparently believing canine teeth are some kind of special trait only a selected few people have. Because he believes his canines to be menacing, he gave them the name "fangs". Once in a while, Chris would show off his decaying teeth to scare his enemies. This usually works, although for the wrong reasons.</blockquote>

;faredoo
<blockquote>1. ''(interjection, imperative verb)'' Parting salutation, akin to "goodbye".

<blockquote>''Vessel of my loneliness for the past three years of anguish. I bid you fond...'''faredoo'''. Adieu. Fond farewell adieu...''<ref>[[The MovingFoward videos]].</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Accidental portmanteau of "farewell" and "adieu".
</blockquote>

;fart-minded

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' dumb and perverted.

<blockquote>Ha Ha! Take THAT, you '''fart-minded''', jerk [[MALE]] among ALL fart-minded, jerk Males that make up the Majority of the Worldwide Male Population! -:D<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivtWQTjXCDs</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used in the comment section of a Stopmotion Lego animation, where a ''Lego'' minifigure is in a sexual relationship with a ''Lego Friends'' minifigure. Throughout this video, the Lego minifigure essentially acts how Chris believes most men do. At the end of the video, the male minifigure proceeds to fart, which disgusts the female minifigure. Also a possible butchering of the phrase "brainfart", which is used to humorously refer to a moment of absentmindedness.</blockquote>

;firstly
<blockquote>1. ''(adverb)'' A word that indicates that Chris is about to tell someone why he's right. Often not followed by an enumerated list of reasons, despite the implication.

<blockquote>'''''Firstly''', Aspergers is NOTHING Similar to Autism; Aspergers pertains to MEMORY, Autism is Social Skills. and I'm High-Functionally Autistic''<ref>[[IRC_(02_January_2009)|IRC chat, 02 January 2009]].</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Use of "firstly" to begin a list, rather than "first," is a matter of dispute. While both words exist in the dictionary, "Firstly" has fallen out of common use in speech and tends to sound more formal, perhaps overly so. Chris seems to like this formality, probably because he thinks it sounds smart.
</blockquote>

;French side dish
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A kiss that involves the usage of one's tongue.

<blockquote>''"I LOVE YOU" would be shared daily with a '''French side dish'''.''<ref>[[For My True Love, I Would…]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A bizarre take on the phrase "French kiss".
</blockquote>

;fondful
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' fond.

<blockquote>''Faithfully yours with '''fondful''' thoughts; Chris Chan.''<ref>[[Megan Emails, Jan-July 2007|Chris's email to Megan Schroeder]], 06 July 2007</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris apparently doesn't understand that "fond" is already an adjective by itself.
</blockquote>

;for good-like
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' final, but with the imagined possibility otherwise.

<blockquote>''And in June of 2008, he banned me from the store '''for good-like'''.''<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails|Chris's email to The Wallflower]], 18 February 2010</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Confusing modification of "for good".
</blockquote>

;foresee/foretell/foreknow
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' To make a wild guess at something occuring, claiming it's a "prediction".

<blockquote>''#Saberspark Is right. This is one reason why I stay clear from certain games and shows. My intuition also senses and '''foresees''' the quality and feel without even having to watch or play it at all''<ref>[[March 2025 social media posts#Brainrot]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(verb)'' To have predicted something that already happened or that someone else claimed would happen, but didn't.

Origin: Chris claims he has the ability to predict the future, an aspect of his divinity. However, Chris only ever makes these claims whenever an event has already happened, claiming he predicted it would, or when he makes a confident guess at the future based purely on his intuition.
</blockquote>

;foundate
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' To dedicate, as in a monument or building.

<blockquote>''I, Christian Weston Chandler, re-'''foundate''' this monument that is the PAGE with MY SOLE HONEST TRUTH from my sound mind and heart.''<ref>{{CWCipedia link|1=Christian_in_his_Own_Words#Captain.27s_Log.2C_Stardate:_June_6.2C_2009|2=Christian in his Own Words}}.</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Likely a portmanteau of "found" and "dedicate", or a bizarre attempt to convert "foundation" into a verb.
</blockquote>

;four-boomerang-shaped symbol
[[File:Fourboom.jpg|thumb|right|"G'Day welcome to Auschwitz"]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' minced oath for "[[Wikipedia:swastika|swastika]]," especially the ''Hakenkreuz'' symbol of the [[Nazis|Nazi]] Party.

<blockquote>''Like Most People, I do not care much for Adolf; he was a terrible man, and even in jest, I WOULD NEVER want to portray him, much less, his '''four-boomerang-shaped symbol''' (I know what it is called, but I do not wish to type the word).''<ref>[[Mailbag 5#That wacky Hitler|Mailbag 5]]
</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris was apparently afraid to say the word "swastika," probably for the same reason he used to [[Niggos|fear using racial slurs]].
</blockquote>

;fourth wall

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A boundary that separates [[Reality Cartoon|reality cartoons]] and [[Dimensions|dimensions]] from dimension C-197.

<blockquote>''Hey, Everyone. I have another announcement for you all to do now, for yourselves and our OCs: Break Your Own '''Fourth Wall'''.
<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1195039493130199041</ref>''</blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' An abstract force that prevents people from talking to their OC's.

<blockquote>Our OCs in C-197 often break their '''fourth walls''', because they are aware of us, and it is our time and turn to return the favour.</blockquote>

Origin: Comes from the phrase "breaking the fourth wall", a figure of speech humorously used on characters that acknowledge the audience directly, or state their awareness of the media they're in. Chris has taken this to mean that all dimensions in the universe are separated by this kind of barrier, therefore calling them "the fourth wall". In a recent Twitter post, Chris has also stated that this mysterious force is the reason why people cannot see or interact with their OC's, but that the OC's themselves are fully aware of their creators, so will eventually break through the barrier every once in a while to speak to people of other dimensions.</blockquote>

;[[Friend Zone|friend zone]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The dreaded moment a sweetheart rejects you.

<blockquote>''A lot of times, especially if the friend in question is opposite of gender 18 or older, they may have sex on the brain. And when that person hears from you that you just want to be friends, or in the other term, put into the '''Friend Zone''', that person will feel like they failed at getting the sex they wanted, or Ever will from you.''<ref>[[August 2017 tweets]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' The lousiest excuse a sweetheart could give for not having sex with Chris.

<blockquote>''Nothing has happened in Women's Rights; the "Friend Zone" is only the LOUSIEST EXCUSE EVER to give to someone the woman deeply cares about and trusts so she could get out of sex or a relationship. I do not take kindly to that Excuse at this time.''<ref>[[Common Questions]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The Friend Zone refers to a relationship where one person desires romance, while the other only shows interest in friendship. Much like his stance on the Three-Date Rule, Chris believed that the Friend Zone is simply another rule explicitly placed on him by some unspecified authority to slow down his progress on completing his [[Love Quest]]. His belief that this is simply an "excuse" to avoid having sex with him reveals a lot on why he was [[Megan|overly-persistent with]] [[Wallflower|some of]] [[Doopie|his sweethearts]]. He couldn't imagine why any woman would not want to have sex with him, so he came to the conclusion that every woman he stalks are simply unfamiliar with sex and what goes into it.</blockquote>

;[[Fuzzy-wuzzies|fuzzy-wuzzies]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The rewards of giving Chris compliments.

<blockquote>''Compliments will get you '''fuzzy-wuzzies'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Christian_Weston_Chandler%27s_FUTURE_MESSAGE</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Unknown. Believed to be another example of Chris's random-access humor. May have been derived from an English assignment in [[Manchester High School|high school]], "[[Manchester High Leaks#Warm Fuzzies|Warm Fuzzies for Christian]]".

''See Also:'' [[CWC-isms#P|prickly-wicklies]]
</blockquote>

{{clear}}
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== G ==
|-
|

;[[Gal pal|gal-pal]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' a female friend.

<blockquote>''And also, I would like to give a shout-out to...Ivy, sweet '''gal-pal''' of mine...and her friend Rachel across the hall from her, in a college within these United States!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CWC_Update_18_March_2009_More_Updated</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris rarely refers to any of his female friends as just "friends", simply because he thinks that all female friends have the potential to be [[CWC-isms#S|sweethearts]] before they're in the dreaded [[Friend Zone]]. Chris also states that due to his autism, this somehow means that he gets along much more easily with girls than with guys. <ref>Autism Tutorial Part 5</ref> Although this could be more due to the fact that he overall has had much better experiences with girls than with boys growing up, especially in high school. This has caused him to pick up more [[Transgender|effeminate traits and characteristics]]. The term "gal-pal" is typically used by women when they are talking to other people in their social clique. Chris therefore picked this phrase up from the girls he's talked to (possibly using the phrase because he sees himself as "one of the girls"). It is also common for [[homos]] to use this to refer to their female friends.
</blockquote>
;gawd
<blockquote>
1. ''(interjection)'' eye dialect of "god", Used in the place of "god" when it is used to express annoyance, shock, or pain.

<blockquote>''Life is f***ed up. (I had a real stressful Sunday afternoon) '''Gawd'''! Just... GAWD!!!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/2017_tweets#STRESSFUL_SUNDAY._GAWD.21</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Possibly meant to add dramatic effect to saying "god", which is already used to add dramatic effect.</blockquote>

;gaybian
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' a male lesbian.

<blockquote>''Uh… simply put—and I am willing to say this… in sound mind and body: I… am a '''gaybian'''.''<ref>[[Chris_Comes_Out_of_the_Closet]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris only used this word once in the video [[Chris_Comes_Out_of_the_Closet]]. Before this video, [[Clyde Cash]] had threatened to harm [[Julie]] under the condition that Chris refuses to admit that he's gay. Chris being Chris, he had absolutely no idea that he was once again under another elaborate trolling scheme, and had no clue how to handle the situation. Chris thought he could be sly and admit to being gay, while also being attracted to women. Thus, he tacked on the word "gay" onto "lesbian" to create the word "gaybian" so that he can say that he's a "male lesbian", despite this being a complete contradiction within itself.</blockquote>

;geinus
[[Image:Robotnik.jpg|thumb|I'M A MAD GEINUS! [[Doctor Robotnik|ROBOTNIK]]! ROBOTNIK!]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' a genius

<blockquote>''Robotnik! Robotnik! I'm a mad '''geinus'''! Robotnik, Robotnik!''<ref>[[Sonichu 1]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An accidental misspelling of "genius", this CWC-ism is the result of Chris's ability to spell, or lack thereof. In his futile attempts to spell words with "eni", he substitutes this with "ein", possibly due to his habit of spelling words phonetically.</blockquote>

;get it through your skulls
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' Used to clarify something to your fans
<blockquote>''So everybody '''get it through your skulls''', I'm the real deal.'' <ref>[[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris used this term a lot when trying to clarify various misconceptions about him, such as his straightness, and who the real CWC was. Variations of the phrase include "GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULLS", "Get it through your damn, dirty, immature skulls!", and "Get through your damn, dirty, stupid, idiotic, immature skulls".</blockquote>

;gitar
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' A guitar

Origin: How Chris pronounces the word "guitar".
</blockquote>

;give birth, give the birth
<blockquote>
1. ''(verb)'' To transfer possession of the state of having been born, by bearing as offspring.

<blockquote>''My mother and my father are both really nice, old-fashioned-type people who not only '''gave the birth'''--gave me birth at their ages...which my mother is sixty-six, currently, and my father is currently eighty. They both just turned that way in the last couple of months. And, uh, I was born in 1982. They gave me the birth...then, and, uh, anyway, it was so nice of--for them to give me the, uh, birth during the early [[1980s]].''<ref>[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris seems to think that a sentence like "Barbara gave birth to Christian" is grammatically equivalent to a sentence like "Barbara gave Go-bots to Christian."
</blockquote>

;GO!
<blockquote>
1. ''(adjective)'' Having a style similar to the cartoon ''Teen Titans Go!''.

<blockquote>''As MUCH, as I would like to agree; Cute as it may be, it is still '''GO!''' Version, and #GOPony is something we Really do not like.''<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1211396957203247104</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(adjective)'' Of a descent originating from [[Dimensions|dimension CZ-69]].

<blockquote>''Just; Most '''GO!''' individuals are...NO!!!''<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1215833863718567937</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris used this CWC-ism to describe his distaste for the MLP:FiM spinoff series [[Pony Life]], believing it to be in the same vein as Teen Titans Go! due to its artstyle. He would go around on his [[Twitter]] account spamming Hasbro and/or users showing any interest in the show with some of his TSSSF cards as a means of protest using this euphemism to put it under a bad light.
</blockquote>

;go make a rhyme
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase used by Chris to indicate that he is in a [[Chris and writing|poetic]] mood.

<blockquote> ''Oh, Back Off, '''go make a rhyme'''. Love will come your way in good time.<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/913230475774369794</ref> Keep Heart, Have hope and faith. Life is a coinkie-dink strafe. Have an open heart, don’t be afraid. Your sweetie is likely in your friendship parade.''</blockquote>

Origin: Chris intended to write a rhyme in order to sound poetic in a tweet, continuing with the rhyming schtick in several subsequent ones. Due to his own laziness, the best Chris could come up with in terms of words that rhyme with "time" is "rhyme".
</blockquote>

;[[Godjesus]]
[[Image:Jesusbot.jpg|thumb|This is who Chris actually believes in.]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(shorthand)'' God and Jesus Christ.

<blockquote> ''As I have guide, as I was guide [sic] by, uh, God and Jesus. And because I, uh, cheated on Ivy lately, '''Godjesus''' were mad at me, so, even though she r-, even though she requested the recent items of question, sex-, [quietly] sexual stuff--videos and pictures--I am being punished because the trolls are getting their hands on them.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Matthew_5:27,_CWC_Confessions</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''And also, who I'd like to thank, '''GodJesus''', our God and our Lord and savior, for their support, for their support as well, I pray to them every day, and I follow, I am guided by Jesus.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CWC_Update_9_April_2009</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris appears to be somewhat aware of the Holy Trinity (Holy Spirit, Son, and Father), the three forms that God takes in mainstream Christianity. Despite accepting Jesus as the son of God, Chris believes that God and Jesus are essentially the same entity. As a result, whenever he mentions God, he is never reluctant to mention Jesus in the same sentence. Because of this, Chris made this CWC-ism as a shorthand of "God and Jesus". This CWC-ism was the primary inspiration for the term "[[Godbear]]" to humorously refer to [[Leonard Bearstein]], who Chris has credited for his name change. Chris now no longer uses his CWC-ism, now referring to both God and Jesus as separate [[OCs]]. Chris now calls God "Emmanuelle".</blockquote>

;grand number of pounds
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' Extremely heavy.

<blockquote> ''Note: The chair weighs a '''grand number of pounds'''!<ref>[[Power]]</ref>'</blockquote>

Origin: Used in a video where he tried to prove his strength to [[Vanessa Hudgens]], who was actually [[Joshua Martinez]], by lifting an office chair.
</blockquote>

;grinds my gears
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase used by Chris to indicate he is annoyed with something.

<blockquote>Firstly, I got your image in my mailbox; while I thank you for your fanart, No Offense, but I do not appreciate Sonichu drawn looking retarded; I feel it '''grinds my gears''' a bit.<ref>[[Mailbag_2#In_which_Chris_insults_someone_who_drew_a_picture_for_him]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>Something that '''grinds my gears''' is how people are not accepting of the neutral terms of "darling" or "dear".<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:OpenLetter.jpg</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris used this phrase almost every time he wanted to indicate he was annoyed and not outright [[angry]]. It is believed that Chris has picked up this archaic phrase from [[Family Guy]], specifically from a segment from the show called "What Really Grinds My Gears", where Peter is talking about things that annoy him or "grinds his gears".

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== H ==
|-
|

;hand-drawing
[[Image:Chris holding a pencil.png|thumb|Chris holding a pencil|200px]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An original drawn image, as opposed to a facsimile of that image.

<blockquote>''I mean, does that look like a printout to you? No! It's a '''HAND-DRAWING'''! It's the original hand-drawing of the back cover I constantly used! Among all the other hand drawings on my SHELF! In my BINDERS! IN THIS ROOM! In this house!''<ref>[[Chris dispels videogame rumors]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(verb)'' To sketch without the aid of digital technology, such as a computer.
[[File:Sonichuipaddrawing2020.jpg|thumb|A non-example made by Chris.]]
<blockquote>''No, actually, what I thought, is that you skip the '''hand-drawing''' and you draw everything on your PhotoShop with your computer mouse.''<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris's process for producing his drawings is to draw them, by hand, on physical paper, and then scan the paper into his computer and use image editing software to add effects like lettering or (for the purpose of breaking the fourth wall) photographs. He takes comfort in the belief that ownership of the original paper drawings is evidence of his authorship and will frequently cite this in defense against perceived thieves and trolls.

Chris also thinks that drawing on a computer instead of paper is an inferior method of producing artwork; he thinks the results look "blocky and low-resolution," which probably speaks more to his [[:File:179-ShineSchuChara.jpg|his own experience using MSPaint]] than the artistic quality of, for example, [[Asperchu]]. The fact that a digital artist like Alec Benson Leary is nonetheless ''using his hands'' does not seem to have occurred to Chris.
</blockquote>

;Haterade

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a metaphorical drink consumed by haters.
<blockquote>''Therefore, for all of you '''Haterade'''-Chugging “GET A JOB!” spouters out there, I suggest you Shut Up and enjoy your ability to settle in a cozy Office or wherever. For the rest of us, the worlds and the dimensions are our Offices, and we are doing our best, so we can reach our respective Fated Destined Promotions. But, I Digress. <ref>[[June 2019 social media posts#Fan art isn't thoughtful when it feeds into Chris's delusions]]</ref>''</blockquote>

<blockquote>''Put down the '''Haterade'''; this is not going against any rules, it is just the way it is. Hey! I still have my flaws, so I am definitely Not a Mary Sue type of OC. Also, if I wanted a shot glass of '''Haterade''', I would read most anything this dimension’s @realDonaldTrump ever wrote.''<ref>[[June 2019 social media posts#Fan art isn't thoughtful when it feeds into Chris's delusions]]</ref></blockquote></blockquote>

<blockquote>2. ''(noun, informal)'' excessive negativity, criticism, or resentment.

<blockquote>''This is in reference to the Nypical '''Haterade''' Comment of “Get A Job” that is not only thrusted upon me, but to everyone who is creative and have powerful in their own respective, individual rights.<ref>[[June 2019 social media posts#Fan art isn't thoughtful when it feeds into Chris's delusions]]</ref>''</blockquote>

Origin: Originally said by Lars in the 2010 [[Lars Call]]. Chris then used it almost nine years later. Likely a pun on the sports drink Gatorade.
</blockquote>
;[[heart level]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris's way of measuring his emotional state

<blockquote>''100% Change the number to change your '''heart level''' and you can write a sentence to indicate how you feel.''<ref>[[Heart_level]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The concept of the "heart level" most likely stems from Chris's inability to understand emotions. As an alternative, Chris tends to use video game terms in order to measure such emotions.</blockquote>

;heal
<blockquote> 1. ''(verb)'' to ejaculate into someone.

<blockquote>''Had I Not '''healed''' her, she would be dead Late August.''<ref>[[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris had somehow come to the conclusion that sex with his mother would make her more youthful, hence "healing" her.

</blockquote>

;heartsweet
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a [[sweetheart]].

<blockquote>''Rosey, as often as birds tweet, will you be my lovely '''heartsweet'''?''<ref>"[[Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu]]"</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Rearrangement of "sweetheart," possibly coined initially to provide more rhyming options in poetry. Chris primarily uses this term in Sonichu's dialogue, as the character's pet name for Rosechu. When speaking for himself, Chris tends to prefer "sweetheart," although the trolls use "heartsweet" in conversation with him.

''See also: [[sweetbolt]]''
</blockquote>

;heavyweight
[[File:Studalert.png|thumb|Chris does NOT look like Chris Farley]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Stockboy; person employed to move heavy objects and perform other menial labor.

<blockquote>If she gets pregnant and can't work, then I would be working. I would be working VERY HARD AND HEAVILY. [...] If I have to I would be, get one of the '''heavyweights''', that just moves the boxes around the, stock the shelves at a grocery store.<ref name=FatherCall/></blockquote>

2. ''(adjective)'' heavy.

<blockquote>I do not think Chris Farley looks like me at all, plus he was a LOT more '''heavyweight''' than me, and he was more wild than me.<ref>[[Jackie_e-mails_Part_2]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris, as usual, has to repurpose words rather than use the existing words that already mean what he wants to say.
</blockquote>

;hedgehog-defensive (or hedgehog)
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Protecting oneself by curling up into a ball, just like a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|hedgehog]].

<blockquote>And I do understand all that. Believe me, and I need not be reminded of the worst part, but my '''hedgehog-defensive''' state and all of the tears and leaking mucus and whole body paralysis that happened to me then and there will haunt me in reminder of that.<ref>[[TooManyGames#Personal_space_talk]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>@MLPSilverQuill, having one’s own spirit killed is really not fun nor funny at all. And, believe me, I was literally in a worse huddled position than what I see here, and I FELT DEVASTATED at that moment. I went full '''Hedgehog Defensive''' and let my quills keep others back. It Hurts<ref>[[April_2019_social_media_posts#Hedgehog-defensive_state]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Replacing the likes of his [[Megatron pistol]] and his [[pepper spray]], Chris has adapted the habit of rolling up into a ball to protect himself from unwanted physical contact. The protective state he dubs "the hedgehog-defensive state" is most likely based off of the spin-dash attack from the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise, which the titular character uses to attack foes.</blockquote>

;[[hermaphrodite]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A derogatory term for passing transgender women, particularly those that haven't gotten bottom surgery.

<blockquote>''OH MY GOD!!! UGH!!! ARE YOU REALLY A '''HERMAPHRODITE'''?! I'm sorry, but that naughty picture just really shocked me and made me want to throw up. *deep breath* You do have a pretty face, but what happened just now is just like the movie, "The Crying Game", or the Thanksgiving episode of "The Cleveland Show".''<ref>[[Mailbag 25#It's a trap, again!]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' A person of an ambiguous gender, or who is female, who also has a penis.

<blockquote>If a '''Hermaphrodite''', I would raise it to be male regardless since it would not have any eggs anyway. Plus big bonus for (him) in sex with all women (lesbians included I would imagine).<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin:A misuse of the archaic term for intersex people. Chris appears to use this term to refer to someone he deems as "almost a woman", which is also shown when he referred to some of his female characters as "all female" when having their penises removed. Chris used this term when he noticed that the sweetheart [[Bailey Jay]] had a penis, and she explained to him her experiences as a transwoman. Chris also notably talked about how if he had a "hermaphrodite" as one of his offspring, he'd raise them as a boy. Chris's rather specific usage of this term also shows some of his prior beliefs about gender before he transitioned himself, such as who he deemed "male" or "female" in the first place.</blockquote>

;[[HEXBox]]
[[File:KillThatHexBawx.jpg|thumb|]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Any of the video game consoles made by Microsoft, primarily the Xbox 360.

<blockquote>I never cared for the '''HEXBox''', and frankly it LACKS heavily in comparison to the Wii and PS3, PLUS YOU HAVE TO PAY THEIR FEES TO EVEN GO ONLINE OR DOWNLOAD DEMOS WITH IT.</blockquote>

Origin: Due to his [[Chris and brand loyalty|Brand Loyalty]], Chris had an irrational hatred for the XBox, simply because of how much you've got to pay for it to access some of its content<ref>[[Mailbag_5]]</ref>. Because Chris viewed this device as a curse to humanity, he tacked the word "hex", which is defined as being a curse, onto the original name of the console.</blockquote>

;hide behind/under his mother's skirt
<blockquote>1. ''(idiom)'' To behave in a cowardly, immature fashion.

<blockquote>''You come to me now. Come face me like a man. Unless you want to continue being called a cow-a quivelling coward who '''hides under his mother's skirt'''.''<ref>[[Challenge for Clyde II]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An antiquated phrase alluding to children literally hiding behind their mother's skirts when frightened.
</blockquote>

;hippo on one's head
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A predicament or unpleasant situation one is currently facing

<blockquote>''I'M WET. I'M COLD. THERE'S A HIPPO ON MY HEAD. AND CLEARLY, I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO DO THIS ON MY OWN.''<ref>[[:File:JailArt15.jpg]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' Someone's [[wikipedia:Hippocampus|hippocampus]]

<blockquote>''(EVERYBODY has a Hippo on their head; it is called the Hippocampus)''<ref>[[:File:FSM2.PNG]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris states in an e-mail directed at [[Regina Novakova]] that the phrase originated as an example of his [[random-access humor]], apparently as a pun of the word "hippocampus". Following from this, he would famously use the term in a [[HippoOnYourHead|Flipnote animation]] of a person literally getting crushed by a falling hippo, and then use the term several more times to describe the "weight" of the hippo on people's heads. He has lately used this term to describe his struggles with being in jail in a drawing sent to [[Praetor]].

</blockquote>

;[[homo]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A male homosexual

<blockquote>''Yes; the '''Homos''' I have heard from try to push their damn lifestyle in my face, and I DO NOT CARE FOR THAT AT ALL; What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Common_Questions''</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' A non-passing transgender woman, particularly one Chris doesn't deem an authentic woman

<blockquote>''So I would- so I would say, good luck being a fake woman because you'll never be able to achieve true femdom! And you'll always be a dang homosexual male, 'cuz you're born that way, you gonna to stay that way pretty much even if you're gonna- if you're gonna have your dick either chopped off or tucked in! People are still gonna look at you so ill. In the majority of this country.''

''Anyway, that's my response for now.''

''Damn '''homo'''.''<ref>[[Response to ADF]]</ref></blockquote>

3. ''(adjective)'' homosexual

<blockquote>''Every one of you who thinks I'm '''homo''' and calls me that—-because I am not; I'm straight! I'm straight!''<ref>[[CWC's_Second_Message]]</ref></blockquote>

4. ''(adjective)'' relating to homosexuals

<blockquote>''Again, to reiterate the issue, THE GOD DAMN F***IN' '''Homo''' Ads MUST BE GONE!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CWC_Blog</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Before the [[Tomgirl Saga]], Chris had a hatred for homosexuals, out of fear that he'll become one himself. Even uttering words like "gay" and "homosexual" would make him uncomfortable. Chris also believed that those that strayed too much from their assigned gender at birth would turn out as being gay, which explains his defensiveness towards his more effeminate traits.</blockquote>

;[[Honest Content|honest]]
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' NSFW, containing adult content.

<blockquote>''Parental Advisory - VERY '''HONEST''' content.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:SchuComic10P97.jpg</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris only has a slightly good understanding of what honesty is. However, Chris doesn't seem to understand when it's most appropriate to be honest. In his mind, to attract mates, he has to be honest all of the time, even if this includes instances of his sexual misadventures. Chris knows that he's not supposed to discuss such topics publically with ordinary people, so he would have to keep such things in secret. Therefore, in his mind, it would be the honest thing to do to discuss such actions.
</blockquote>

;Hurtful Truth Level
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A point at which honest criticism should be stopped so as to avoid hurting a person's feelings, regardless of the usefulness of the advice.

<blockquote>''And another thing, When constantly exceeding that '''Hurtful Truth Level''' to me, it feels like to me you're, and you may as well have, told me, "I Hate You! I Hate You!", and forget about me.''<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 23]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Said in an email to Jackie after she had pointed out several glaring flaws in Chris's lifestyle and personality. Rather than take her criticism to heart and improve himself, he got angry and defensive, wishing that she would show sympathy for him instead.
</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== I ==
|-
|

;I can feel the cosmos
[[File:I can feel the cosmos.jpg|thumb|right]]
<blockquote>1. ''(expression)'' Statement of achievement and oneness with the universe.

<blockquote>''I promise, uh, three da—three pages a day, drawn or colored, but, also with the, uh, website, and God/Jesus's support, I feel like... we will be seeing many new—many new thing. The website will be better. '''I can feel the cosmos!''' Peace.''<ref>[[CWC Update 9 April 2009]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Inspired by a line from the game Katamari Damacy, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmWxNFq6_3U "Oh, I feel it. I feel the cosmos."]
</blockquote>

;I got a fish

<blockquote>1. ''(expression)'' Claim that one owns a fish.

<blockquote>'''''I got a fish!''' Would ya like to make a wish?''
''I got a fish Would ya like to make a wish?''
''I got a fiiiiiiiiish! Would ya like to make a wish?''<ref>[[I_Got_A_Fish]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used in a song of the same name, where Chris's [[random-access humor]] shines.</blockquote>

;I HATE ME TOO!!!

<blockquote>1. ''(expression)'' A self-destructive phrase used to attempt to gain pity from trolls

<blockquote>''You know what, '''I HATE ME TOO!!!'''''<ref>[[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used as part of the title of a gallery found on Chris’s [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] Page.
</blockquote>

;[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]!
<blockquote>1. ''(interjection)'' Expressed angrily when you wish to break someone apart to kill them

<blockquote>''Jason Kendrick Howell... you BASTARD! BASTARD! You hacked into everything! You have driven me so beyond the wall, I can't even DESCRIBE it! YOU'RE LAUGHING NOW, BUT... '''I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD!''' Goodbye!''<ref>[[Jason Kendrick Howell message]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used as a [[death threat]] to [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] after he has hacked Sonichu.net.</blockquote>

;I'm workin' on it!
<blockquote>1. ''(exclamation)'' An exclamation that you are working on something important.

<blockquote>'''I'm workin' on it!''' I was making a YouTube vi—uh, a vid-dya for YouTube t-tellin' ev'rybody, "get the images off of the Internet". Y'know it's not...<ref>[[THAT IS MY HOUSE]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used repeatedly by Chris to assure to [[Bob]] that he is doing his best to take down information about 14 Branchland Court from the Internet.</blockquote>

;IBAChandler
<blockquote>1. ''(expression)'' Abbreviation for "I be a chandler," i.e., "I am a person named 'Chandler.'"

<blockquote>''I am so sick of hearing that stupid name that somebody made up back when I had that '''IBAChandler''' account, and I be a Chandler. You know, "I" being myself, "B" standing for specifying who I am, and "Chandler" being my last name.''<ref>[[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(proper noun)'' [[YouTube]] username in use by Christian Weston Chandler during his conflict with [[Liquid Chris]], leading trolls to accuse Chris of being an impostor of Liquid named [[Ian Brandon Anderson]].

3. ''(proper noun)'' Name of a ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' villain based upon Liquid Chris, ironically named for the real Chris's alias.

<blockquote>'''''I B A Chandler''', And I am here to copycatly sieze claim of you hedgehogs and this city from your absent mayor's domain.''<ref>[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], page 79</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Inspired by [[Bob Chandler]]'s license plate, "I B MR C" ("I be Mister C.").<ref>[[CWC Update 29 July 2009]]</ref>
</blockquote>

;ID
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' Identifying.

<blockquote>''"That is the difference between Trans Gender and Vestites; '''ID''' as the other sex, and dressing like it, respectively"''<ref name=Vestites>[[September 2017 tweets#Chris argues semantics]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Possibly derived from ID meaning "Identification". </blockquote>

;[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' the extremely high probability that any woman Chris talks to is not [[CWC-isms#boyfriend-free|boyfriend-free]].

<blockquote>''With the '''infinitely high Boyfriend-Factor''', I am not fond of about 99.999999999996% of the total male population, with a margin-of-error of the 4 billionth of a percent (for about 100 men) of whom are okay acquaintences.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Megan_emails,_Aug-Dec_2007</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In general, Chris will almost never find a sweetheart.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sweetheart#Will_Chris_ever_have_a_Sweetheart.3F</ref> Already aware of this fact, but not willing to admit he's not at all attractive to most women, Chris blames it on the fact that most men are "jerks", and that one probably is already dating the woman he's trying to latch onto.</blockquote>
;information overload

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An act of spamming a webpage with pictures.

<blockquote>''I had thought the '''Information Overload''' would somehow Take Down the page; I admit that I was mistaken.<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>''</blockquote>

Origin: When Chris saw all of the explicit pictures on his Encyclopedia Dramatica page, he decided that the best course of action would be to spam the article with his own pictures. His logic was that if he kept doing this faster than the other editors, they'd have to delete the article, as they just wouldn't catch up with him.
</blockquote>

;instinction

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An instance of something being used a certain way.

<blockquote>''Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all '''instinctions''' and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "Deck the Halls"''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris_and_English</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Once again an instance of Chris trying to sound smart by using a word that sounds foreign to him, made up or otherwise. The end result, however, gives the impression that Chris isn't familiar with the word "instances".

</blockquote>

;intersex

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Relating to any gender identity outside of the gender binary.

<blockquote>''As a Tomgirl, '''Intersex''' of Female Soul with Male Body, and a Tranny Cross-Dresser, I am in full support for Human Equal Rights for everyone."''<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out... kinda]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris used the term "intersex" interchangeably with the term "transgender" on many occasions, and also uses it to refer to Silvana, who actually is intersex. This gives the impression that when he talks about something being "intersex", he means that it isn't entirely "male" or "female".

</blockquote>

;[[Iron Curtain|iron curtain]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The mostly hermetic seal between [[Reality Cartoon]]s, such as the [[Chris and reality|real world]] and the fictional universe containing [[CWCville]], that prevents the [[Dimensional Merge]] from proceeding.

<blockquote>''But we are getting increasing magics, here, with more and more opening portals and growing tears and cracks in the '''iron curtain'''''.<ref>[[November 2019 social media posts#Chris begs; posts creepy photo of Barb]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Coined by Sir Winston Churchill in 1946 to refer to the limits of Russian intrusion into central Europe after the War. Chris presumably heard it once in [[Manchester High School|history class]] and forgot what it meant, unless he is comparing his fictional world to the [[Chris and censorship|Soviet Union]]. Alternatively it was fed to him by the [[Idea Guys]].

''See Also:'' [[#F|fourth wall]]</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== J ==
|-
|
;Jail of Fail
<blockquote>''(noun)'' 1. A rather unappealing jail to reside in.

<blockquote>''I have a temporary Soul Partner, a Holy Flame Type, you may Remember her (on her repentence tour) keeping me safe, well, not abused, and good, alongside Many (Good) Angels, Spirits, and OP allies in and around this '''Jail of Fail'''. We presently have a genuine Turkish Prayer Rug and a deck of Playing Cards from the Commisary, along with very much appreciated Sports Bra, Socks with no holes, Earplugs, and a few other goodies.''<ref>[[Jail Letter - 4 October 2021]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Said in a letter to the long-time orbiter and enabler, [[Kenneth Engelhardt]].

</blockquote>

;janekop
<blockquote>''(noun)'' 1. A female [[CWC-isms#jerkop|jerkop]].

<blockquote>''YOU'RE UNDER ARREST. SO SAYS THIS '''JANEKOP'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Feelings_of_the_election_results</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Whereas the term "jerkop" is a portmanteau of the CWC-ism "jerk" and the word "cop", janekop is a portmanteau of the words "jane" and "cop". The word "jane" is a slang word for "woman". <ref>https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/jane</ref>
</blockquote>
;[[JERKS|jerk]]
<blockquote>''(noun)'' 1. Any male other than Chris and his dad in general, particularly those that Chris dislikes, especially one that gets in the way of his LoveQuest.

<blockquote>''On the flip side, I feel discomfort around men, because they can be such mean and cruel '''jerks'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu_Girls</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The term "jerk" is generally defined as "A person with unlikable or obnoxious qualities and behavior, typically mean, self-centered or disagreeable".<ref>https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/jerk#Etymology_1</ref> As stated in the quote above, Chris believes that all men to be cruel, selfish, and overall unlikeable. Therefore, he views almost all men as jerks.
</blockquote>
;[[Jerkop|jerkop]]
<blockquote>''(noun)'' 1. An official of the law.

<blockquote>''I would have left peacefully, in fact, I was ready to go, but I had a prepared speech to say to them stupid '''Jerkops'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Get-Tar_Region</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Since Chris views most officers of the law as jerks, due to how often they'd thwart his LoveQuest, the term is a portmanteau of "jerk" and "cop". Possibly a pun on the word "jerkoff", which is defined as being "a contemptible man".<ref>http://www.dictionary.com/browse/jerk--off</ref></blockquote>

;[[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAAAAAAAY]]
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|thumb|Chris preparing for hanky-panky with Julie, using a blow-up doll no less]]
<blockquote>''(interjection)'' 1. An expression used by Chris to indicate how much he'd love having sex for the first time with [[Julie]]

<blockquote>"Oh, Julie...'''JULAAAAAY''', JULAAAAAAAAAAY!!!"<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/For_Julie%27s_Eyes_Only</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris first shouted this infamous CWC-ism in the video [[For Julie's Eyes Only]]. He originally intended to share this video privately with [[Julie]], (unaware that 'she' was actually a 13-year-old male troll), to show what their first date would amount to, despite this breaking his Three Date Rule. Seeing how Chris was somewhat of a porn junkie,<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/List_of_Chris%27s_Adam_%26_Eve_purchases</ref><ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Miyamoto_emails#Chris_Sets_the_Record_STRAIGHT</ref> Chris must have picked up that during sexual intercourse, one of the people may shout the name of the other person in order to "spice up" the orgy. When the video got leaked soon after, the term started to be used by trolls humorously, to the point where [[weens]] started using the phrase in excess, making the CWC-ism lose its luster.</blockquote>

</blockquote>

;jumping the shark
<blockquote>''(verb)'' 1. To start over from scratch

<blockquote>"I am moving out of this Twitter into creating a new one I created, @CPU_CWCSonichu. New and renewed followers will all be screened by my ally, as to keep out the Haters and Harassers. Starting up new and fresh. '''Jumping The Shark''' from old to new"<ref>[[Misc texts#CPU_CWCSonichu]]</ref>

</blockquote>

Origin: The term "jumping the shark" humorously refers to the point where something once popular which has begun to lose its viewer base pulls an extreme stunt in hopes of garnering attention. The term comes from an episode of the television show ''Happy Days'', where Fonzie literally jumped over a shark while water skiing. Ironically enough, despite Chris's misuse of the phrase, many people could easily say that the comic of Sonichu and Chris as a person have "jumped the shark" several times, especially with [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retcons]] and- of course- Chris's change into a [[Transgender|transwoman]].

</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== K ==
|-
|
;kawaii
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' cute or adorable.

<blockquote>''That look really suits you; you look so '''kawaii''' and cool.😊''<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1209184205776797697</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The mainstream Japanese word typically used to describe cute subculture. Chris has used this word in almost all cases where he describes anything he thinks is cute and cuddly, more so in recent times, where the use of this word is no longer taken seriously, and seen as more of a joke to poke fun at [[Joshua Wise|weeaboos]].</blockquote>

;[[Kick the Autistic]]
[[File:CWC gets kicked.jpg|thumb|A self-administered kick]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' America's favorite game

<blockquote>''I REALLY WANTED THAT TRIP SO I COULD HAVE A CHANCE TO IMPRESS MY SWEETEST MEGAN AND POSSIBLY FULFILL MY DREAM OF GETTING MARRIED AND SOON HAVE A DAUGHTER NAMED CRYSTAL. YET NOW I, A FRUSTRATED HIGH-FUNCTIONALLY AUTISTIC 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN, HAVE BEEN BALLZ-BROKEN LIKE I HAVE THROUGH A BIG CHUNK OF MY LIFE IN AMERICA'S FAVORITE GAME, '''"KICK THE AUTISTIC!"''' *sigh*''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chop_Chop_Master_Onion%27s_Rap_Showdown</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' Any action which involves doing something to Chris that he doesn't like

<blockquote>''And if you have so much free time to play the cruelest game of '''"KICK THE AUTISTIC"''', then you CAN and SHOULD put the time to better use; volunteer for a social chore; take up the culture in tasteful art; go out and socialize.''<ref>[[List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#21 January]]</ref></blockquote>

3. ''(noun)'' Any form of discrimination towards Chris for being [[autism|autistic]].

<blockquote>''And so, the world continues to play the world's favorite game of "'''Kick the Autistic'''". I'm gonna need all the luck I can get. *Game Over*''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Vivitheg%27s_AIM_chat</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris had this paranoid idea that the whole world is going against him and his goals, solely due to his autism. In this sense, the fact that so many people supposedly wanted to thwart his goals made him feel like he was being "kicked" around. </blockquote>

;Kra-Kow!

<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase indicating that Chris roasted someone.

<blockquote>''What? I’m just telling the truth. I hear and see WORSE shit from you Haters. At this point, I’d rather look back in that memory than PTSD over y’all’s Hate-Filled content. '''Kra-Kow!'''''<ref>https://mobile.twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1231269768310722560</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Possibly [https://www.pinterest.com/pin/318700111138943542/ a comic strip] from Calvin and Hobbes. Most likely inspired by the sound lightning makes.</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== L ==
|-
|

;Laughs Under Lucricities
<blockquote>
1. ''(backronym)'' backronym for "LULZ"

<blockquote>''Although, F.Y.I., "LULZ" is short for "'''Laughs Under Lucricities'''"''<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' Any form of humor made at Chris's expense

<blockquote>''... your bully of a boyfriend is the Original Author of the "Chris-chan" page that was put up there for the "LULZ", "'''Laughs Under Lucricities'''". Which I don't have to tell you is not only mean and cruel, the page is HORRIBLE''<ref>[[Chris emails 2008#August]]</ref>
</blockquote>

Origin: It's likely that Chris first heard of lulz on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]-<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2008#August]]</ref> the slogan of which is "in lulz we trust"- and thus forever associated the term with trolling. Originally he would simply say "LULZ" ''ought'' to stand for "Laughs Under Lucricities," but he soon began implying that it already does.<ref>[[Chris_E-mails_2008|Email]] from Chris to Robert Simmons V on 12 August 2008</ref> Lucricities is seemingly a combination of "lucrid" (another non-word with apparent negative connotations that Chris has used<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 48]]</ref>) and "ludicrous" but falls short of being a portmanteau and is more like the result of a head-on collision of the English language.

</blockquote>

;lesbian soul
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' What Chris believes to be his true [[Chris and sexuality|sexuality]].

<blockquote>''I am an all-around, good natured, high-functioning autistic, Female '''Lesbian Soul''', and Transwoman, artist, gamer and creative type.''<ref>https://www.facebook.com/pg/cwcville/about/</ref></blockquote>

Origin: When Chris declared himself transgender, he continued to be attracted to exclusively to biological females regardless of their own sexual orientation.<ref>[[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's]]</ref> Thus, Chris became a lesbian. As a way to assert to detractors that he was a lesbian, Chris cited himself as having a "lesbian soul" despite previously living as a straight man for thirty years.

 </blockquote>
;level-up king
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' Master of [[card games]].

<blockquote>''There must have been about 6 people including Chris and myself at the tourney and when he won he was jumping up and down a yelling "I'm the '''level up king'''!"''<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Follow-up]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Before his permanent ban from the [[GAMe PLACe]], Chris would play games of Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh with some of the other customers. Despite his sick obsession with both games, Chris never developed any type of strategy to compete with other players, making it very difficult to succeed at the game, even when he played against small children. Eventually, when the shop was just down to six people, which included Chris, the manager, [[Daniel Mimms|Mimms]], and [[Lucas]], Chris did win a match against a relatively new player, and excitedly jumped up and down at this accomplishment like a child. Along with this, he shouted the phrase "I AM THE LEVEL-UP KING!"</blockquote>

;like, you know
<blockquote>1. ''(discourse particle)'' Space filler during sentence.

<blockquote>''I don't want too much conflict to happen, '''like, you know'''. You wouldn't want too much conflict to happen, like, you know. I mean-like, you know, between you and him any further. Yeah.''<ref>[[I Love You Kacey]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris's speech consists mostly of uh's, um's, and other vocalized pauses.</blockquote>

</blockquote>

;live from home once again
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' An introduction stating that one is recording themselves from their home.

<blockquote> ''Hello everybody this is Christine Chandler coming to you '''live from home once again''' and we're going to talk about the recent and more obvious topic, of "The Dimensional merge". Yes! This dimension! Right here! 1218. Is going to be merged with our sister dimension "C197" where all of our s- where most of our superheroes, super-villains, OCs, and what have you, and other characters, consisted, have been existing and co-existing. Yep!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Dimensional_Merge_Announcements</ref></blockquote>

Origin: This phrase became Chris's typical means of starting his videos since late 2015, replacing the famous Captain's Log. Although it is sometimes used appropriately (i.e. livestreams), Chris uses the phrase even in prerecorded videos that are not, in fact, live.</blockquote>

;[[Love Quest]]
<blockquote>1.''(noun)'' Chris's former on-going search for a sweetheart.

<blockquote>''As for Wes, I blame all of these happenings on him. If he had not taken my life-long friend away from me, I might have a Pretty Girlfriend today. And I would not have had to set out on endeavoring '''LOVE QUEST'''!''<ref name=CurrentDays/></blockquote>

Origin: Since attending [[PVCC]], Chris has embarked on a 15-year long quest to find his true love. Chris constantly failing to achieve this goal was what gave this CWC-ism its name.</blockquote>

;lovehog
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A lover in a relationship between two [[CWC-isms#E|Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]].

<blockquote>''Also, I have finished the drawing for you, and I have shown off the Original '''LoveHog''' Couple's Wedding Rings, and their three children: Cerah Rosey, Robbie Sonee and (Shiney Rosey) Christine Rosey.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Katie_Bay_E-mails_4</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A portmanteau of "love" and "hedgehog".</blockquote>

;lucricities
<blockquote>1. ''(pl. noun)'' lurid acts or motivations

Origin: Chris completely made this word up, presumably based on "lucrid," which may in turn be based on the actual word "lurid." According to Chris, the word "lulz" can mean either "Laughs at my expense" or "Laughs under lucricities," so presumably the two contexts are equivalent.
</blockquote>

;lucrid
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' obscene, profane, wicked
<blockquote>''And promoting the hatred, and...drawing such loose—such '''lucrid''' mockeries is not gonna further the story plot or have anything new created, or even gonna help in any way...''<ref name=csm>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Unknown. Possibly a corruption of "lurid," given the context. Alternatively, it might be a corruption of "ludicrous." Chris has used this word to describe the homoerotic/dickgirl art on the ED page, as well as the fan comic in which he was depicted as a man-baby. Ironically, even before Chris used this word
</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== M ==
|-
|

;make one's own peeps n' poops

<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' to urinate and deficate at the same time

<blockquote>''Uh, actually, uh, actually Crystal is uh, doing, is uh, doing her preschool homework, and uh, Reg-, and Reginald's been uh, been a messy lil' babychild! '''Made his lil' peeps n' poops'''! And he went, and he went weewee all over the bathroom.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/PlayingHouse''</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Taken from a clip of Family Guy, where Herber the Pervert is letting his dog out to "make his pees n' poops". <ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtlwEfZEmrg</ref></blockquote>

;Mama
[[File:Christine and pikachu.jpg|right|thumb|Mama Christine with a [[Sonee]].]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' What Chris refers to himself as when roleplaying as one of his [[OCs]].

<blockquote>''I am going to some shopping and donating amongst the artists affected by the COVID virus of this Dimension, on behalf of '''Mama''', Chris Chan Sonichu. Thank you, again, to the individual who bought the book set recently. Still waiting for the set of #TSSSF cards to sign and offer.''<ref>https://mobile.twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1251259373810302977</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris believes himself to be a parent to his characters. Since he identifies as a woman, he has given himself the alias “Mama”. Chris further shows his lack of self-awareness by not realizing how awkward it is to have anyone, even his own characters (who are presumably teenagers) refer to him as such.</blockquote>

;[[Manajerks|manajerk]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a store manager

<blockquote>'' two Manajerks asked me to leave, because they said that I was loitering; I was NOT!''<ref>[[CWC's Diary#2005]] (20 July)</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A portmantau of "manager" and "jerk". </blockquote>

;[[Mary Lee Walsh|Mary Lee Walshing]]
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' akin to to Mary Lee Walsh

<blockquote>''She has proven herself to be a cold-hearted, uncaring, uncompassionate, lack-of-understanding, bigoted, discriminating, selfish, '''Mary Lee Walshing''', Witch Bitch!''<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Chris Expresses His Outrage for Walmart]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris's ongoing resentment against his old college dean has led him to compare a Wal-Mart manager who banned him from her store to Walsh. He apparently fails to comprehend that the "-ing" suffix is generally associated with verbs.</blockquote>

;mashed potato grenade

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a [[Wikipedia:Stielhandgranate|Stielhandgranate]], a special German hand grenade with a handle.

<blockquote>''I want to just kill him; destroy his goody-two-shoes nature, soul, heart and all that shit my '''mashed potato grenade''' could shatter, but leave his body in tact, so I'm not committed fro murder.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2013_Facebook_Posts</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used in a Facebook post sent to [[Megan Schroeder]] accusing her of his [[List of places that have banned Chris|ban]] from the [[The GAMe PLACe|Game Place]], where he [[Chris and reality|makes paranoid claims]] of what she, [[Mimms]], [[Lucas]], and [[Snyder]] were thinking that day. A corruption of "potato masher grenade", a common English nickname of the Stielhandgranate<ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stielhandgranate</ref>.</blockquote>

;[[Mass debating|mass debate]]
[[File:Mass_Debate.jpg|right|thumb|Massive Debating]]
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' to pleasure one's self; to masturbate

<blockquote>''I've actually done it '''mass debating''' to myself so many times, even with a hunk of - even with an inflatable plastic woman...''<ref>[[Kacey Call 7]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: This particular euphemism comes from Chris's tendency to refrain from using inappropriate language, as well as his unusual variation of a southern accent combined with a minor speech impediment.</blockquote>

;mental block

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris's autism

<blockquote>''And, uh, during my high school years, I was used to being surrounded by… girls… in my circle, and after having to, uh, leave them I felt ever so lonesome. And, after the stress from some of the people—people at PVCC, as well as my '''mental block''' of autism, it became hard from me to approach gir—approach the girls like I used to.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris_Chan%27s_Public_Announcement</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris refers to his [[autism]] as a "mental block" because he believes the term refers to a disability. In his case, his supposed disability to socialize with girls. In reality, a mental block is the inability to remember a specific thing at a given moment. <ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mental_block</ref></blockquote>

;Meta

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' being able to break through the fourth wall.

<blockquote>''Also, there is no problem with breaking your own fourth wall with us from your dimension, here. Go '''Meta'''. We are certainly Meta with and for you all as well.''<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1316825180610670592</ref></blockquote>

Origin: From the Greek prefix meaning "after" or "beyond". Chris views all cartoons as being on a dimension higher than our own. According to him, being able to break through the iron curtain entails obtaining a higher mode of consciousness.
</blockquote>

;mislabel

<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' to put a label on Chris or any of his creations in a way he doesn't like, regardless of truth
2. ''(noun)'' a label of such slanderous nature; see also "misunderstanding"
<blockquote>''I am NOT a Dictator. Why are you giving me an even WORSE '''Mislabeling''' than the Homosexual Mislabelings? Why do YOU have to be so bored that you have to make up NEW mislabelings to try and deface me over and over again? ''<ref>[[Common Questions#1_February_2010]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Just about everywhere. He appears to use this term as often as the word "slanderous". Curiously, the redundancy "ill-mislabeling" (as if there were any other kind) has appeared once.<ref>[[CWC Blog#28_December_2009]]</ref>
</blockquote>

;misspeak

<blockquote>1.''(verb)'' to lie

<blockquote>''Sometimes, I have '''misspoke'''. But you are more important to me than ANYTHING. Believe me! I swear. Hand to God. And on my Bible. I'd have to go look for it.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/ToJackie</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Instead of accepting that someone has called him out on [[Lies|his bullshit]], Chris prefers to say he "misspoke". Needless to say, no one has fallen for this ploy.

</blockquote>

;misunderstanding

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a deliberate view that contradicts Chris; see also "mislabel"
<blockquote>''*AND WE WILL NOT TAKE THE '''MISUNDERSTANDINGS''', THE MISLABELS, AND ALL THE LIKE SITTING DOWN!!!''<ref>{{CWCipedia link|1=Issue_9/Page_39|2=Issue 9 Page 39}}</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Misappropration. Note that it is not, as in reality,<ref>[http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/misunderstanding Merriam-Webster Dictionary, "misunderstanding"]</ref> a mistaken notion (alternatively a dispute) based on faulty information, but a malicious action worthy of [[tard rage]]. Apparently a slanderous troll has to actively "misunderstand" Chris. Also, Chris has used the related word "misunderstood" (participle adjective) as an insult, not realizing that if the troll misunderstood (transitive verb) him, ''Chris'' would be the one that was misunderstood (participle adjective).<ref>[[Mailbag 39#Rosechu_the_transwoman|Mailbag 39]]</ref>
</blockquote>

;modnar
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' random

<blockquote>''I may be '''modnar''', but I try not to be offensive, and if I do, then I am sorry. I can not please Everyone.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/LadyOfTheCosmo#Twitter</ref></blockquote>

Origin: "Random", spelt backwards.</blockquote>

;[[Monthly tugboat|monthly tugboat]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris's Social Security Disability Service

<blockquote>"I'm getting by livin' with my folks and a '''monthly tugboat.'''"<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Monthly_tugboat#References_by_Chris</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris apparently coined the term "Monthly Tugboat" due to a comparison he makes between gaining money through his SSDS vs. winning the lottery. In his mind, winning the lottery is like riding a "Luxury ship that can easily sink", while gaining money from the government is the same as getting cargo from a ship pulled by a tugboat. <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/BlueSpike_Skype_Logs_12</ref></blockquote>

;morrow

<blockquote> 1. ''(noun)'' Synonym for moral.

<blockquote>''The '''Morrow''' remains: Look up to whoever and whatever you like as your childhood hero like no one else is watching you; remain proud with your choice and preference. 💜⚡️''<ref>[[September 2019 social media posts#Chris supports playing with whatever toys you want]]</ref>
</blockquote>

Origin: Unknown, possibly a corruption of the word moral. Used exclusively by Magi-Chan during Chris month-long twitter roleplay in August and September of 2019.
</blockquote>

;Mother Nature errand
<blockquote>1. ''(idiom)'' The bodily urge to either [[Piss|urinate]] or [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|defecate]].

<blockquote>''All right, well, ladies, it’s been fun, but I gotta split and take care of ah... y’know, a '''Mother Nature errand'''.''<ref>[[Sonichu Home Club]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A peculiar take on the idiom "call of nature".
</blockquote>

;[[Muscle bra|muscle bra]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A sports bra used for covering a man's bare chest.

<blockquote>''And you know what, I highly recommend this to every dude who goes around shirtless: wear a '''muscle bra'''. Because nobody, and I mean nobody wants to see your dog-gone ugly pecs, they're so ugly and repulsive, ugh... creeps everybody out.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Clyde_is_Weaker_than_Water</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Contributing to his previous fear of the homos, Chris also had a fear of seeing the bare chests of other men out of fear that it'll make him gay. He therefore suggested that men cover their chests under penalty of the law. Chris most likely adapted this name due to some weird association he makes between muscles and sports.</blockquote>

;my two bolts and a heart

<blockquote>1. ''(idiom)'' Chris's opinion or takeaway on something.

<blockquote>''Okay. I get serious creep and dark vibrations from all of this. I mean, you may do as you will if it feels right with you. Just '''my two bolts and a heart'''.''<ref>[[April_2021_social_media_posts#Dark_vibrations]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris's version of the idiomatic expression "my two cents", referencing his emoji signature "⚡️💙⚡️". Chris has also used a similar phrase before while roleplaying as Sonichu, shortening it to just "my two bolts."<ref>[[Sonichu reads and critiques a Fanfic by The Crimson Libertarian]]</ref></blockquote>

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== N ==
|-
|

;[[naïve]]
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' dumb, lacking intelligence.

<blockquote>''You are such a cowardly, '''naïve''', retarded, individual.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CWC_Calls_Out_Three_Na%C3%AFve_YouTubers</ref ></blockquote>

Origin: Chris only seems to understand the most simplified definition of the word. In general terms, the word "naïve" is defined as "showing a lack of experience, wisdom, or judgment."<ref>http://www.dictionary.com/browse/naive</ref> However, in Chris's mind, the word is used to "question one's intelligence". Despite his distaste for the use of the word on him, this turns out to be a commonly used insult by Chris.</blockquote>

[[File:FRENCH-NAVY-CameraObscura.jpg|thumb|Chris travels to France]]
;navy
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' semen.

<blockquote>''You know that, uh—first off, uh, the one... with the '''navy''' being drunk. Yeah. Som—yeah. A b—a—i—a—it's a good idea somet—uhhh... it's a... it's a good idea. But, uh, you know, you don't have to do it if you don't like it, but, uh... I recycle my own semen''<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Play on words, i.e, a navy is a collection of seamen/semen.

''See also: [[CWC-isms#C|Comeuppance]]''
</blockquote>

;nearly same
<blockquote>1. ''(Adjective)'' Similar.

<blockquote>''And so I killed about- killed about twenty miles round trip for gas to go find her house. But it turns out that was a troll posing as that girl. [sighs] THE VOICES SOUNDED '''NEARLY SAME'''.''<ref>[[For Chris]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;negligent

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' [[negligee]]

<blockquote>So, I went onto Adam & Eve's website, and ordered three garments, and a transparent robe. One of the '''negligent''' is about exactly on what I had drawn onto myself.<ref>[[WCT DMs#Sexy negligee]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An obvious mispelling of "negligee", a form of lingerie.

</blockquote>

;neurotypically hindered
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Lacking the proper mindset or intelligence to understand Chris's world building, just by being normal.

<blockquote>''Go ahead; that Is what happened that day, and they did not mind it much. To mock us makes you all Soo '''Neurotypically Hindered'''.''<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1203938198424035329</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris believes that the term "neurotypical" refers to having average brain function, rather than lacking any sort of mental condition.<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1207129697752141824</ref> He believes that if one only possesses average intelligence, it makes it impossible for them to fully accept his fantasy world, thus claiming it as a "hindrance".

</blockquote>

;neutral
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' platonic.

<blockquote>''I apologize, but I meant the term '''neutrally''', and I never meant anything from that.''<ref>[[LadyOfTheCosmo#Twitter]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''And One More thing, Darling!... Talluah Bankhead would be Insulted with your response to the term's '''neutral''' usage. Hmpf!'<ref>[[LadyOfTheCosmo#Twitter]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris believes words like "darling" and "dear", are gender neutral terms. Because of this, he assumes that if he claims that he used it in a "neutral" way, people will know he's not using the term in a romantic tone.

</blockquote>
<blockquote>2. ''(adjective)'' politically centrist or nonpartisan.

<blockquote>''He is a communist! And we do not like communists within this country! We are Republican, Democrat or ''' neutral'''... And I am '''neutral''', so I can go either way, but I do not exactly care much for communism!'<ref>[[Re-Calling Ahuvia]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;[[Niggo|niggo]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An African-American person.

<blockquote>''Chris: [sighs, raises his voice] BILLY MAYS IS THE NEW MAYER OF CWCVILLE!</blockquote>
<blockquote>''Max: Yeah, and also say that "Christian Chandler will be thrown in jail!" CWCville Jail.''</blockquote>
<blockquote>''Chris: And Christian Chandler will be thrown in CWCville Jail.''</blockquote>
<blockquote>''Max: "Where he will be raped by a bunch of niggers!" Say this one really loud.''</blockquote>
<blockquote>''Chris: Where he will be raped by a bunch of '''niggos'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Julie_Reveals_Herself</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A bastardization of the racial slur "nigger". This minced oath was used only once after [[BlueSpike]] persuaded Chris to say: "''BILLY MAYS is the new mayor of CWCville, and Christian Chandler will be thrown in CWCville jail, where he will be raped by a bunch of niggers''". Chris decided to repeat this phrase, but he also thought he could "outsmart" BlueSpike by replacing "niggers" with "niggos" in order to avoid saying the offending word directly. Ironically, a whole year after the incident, Chris referred to [[Surfshack Tito]] as a "nigger" [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|several]] [[Surfshack Tito E-mails|times]], despite not even knowing what he looks like.</blockquote>

;No fucking shit / N.F.S.
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' obviously

<blockquote>''[[The WCT]]: Don't let [[Jacob Sockness|Jacob]] get close to you ever.''</blockquote>
<blockquote>''Chris: '''No fucking shit'''.''<ref name=wctdms>[[WCT DMs]]</ref></blockquote>
<blockquote>''The WCT: The Sockness Saga will be something to watch when Geno gets there. ''</blockquote>
<blockquote>''Chris: '''N.F.S.'''.''<ref name=wctdms></ref></blockquote>

Origin: Another instance of Chris attempting to add unnecessary emphasis onto his writing.</blockquote>

;[[Nombie-zazis|nombie-zazis]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' zombie nazis

<blockquote>''Anyway, as for the medical study, and this will require your aid, Magi-Chan. In June of 2015, the scientists have found the gene-like molecule which makes a person turn...ugh..'''nombie-zazis'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Son10revp3.jpg</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Replacement for homosexuals and homosexuality in the revised [[Sonichu 10]].</blockquote>

;not-troll
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a victim of trolling.

<blockquote>''Consider who does more harassing, which do you block? <ref>[[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-278#post-2549629]]</ref>
<blockquote>
*Every Foul-Mouth Troll
*The '''Not-Troll''' they follow</blockquote>''</blockquote>

Origin: In Chris's mind, only two types of people exist on [[the Internet]], those who are trolls, and those who are victims of trolling. Because the person being trolled is supposedly '''not''' a troll, they are a "not-troll". Chris eventually deleted the aforementioned post, and reposted it, replacing "not-troll" with "victim" to clarify what he was referring to in the first place.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-279</ref></blockquote>

;[[Noviophobia|noviophobia]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' the fear that someone you want to date is already dating someone else.

<blockquote>''His one fault, that has restricted him from finding the Ms. Right, he had a major case of '''Noviophobia''', where he is afraid to even approach most ladies, because he thought that they were all already paired up with “A Jerk.”''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu%27s_News_Dash</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Because Chris was so frustrated with so many [[CWC-isms#J|jerks]] stealing his potential mates, Chris decided that his envy and hatred of men was a real phobia. Thus, overconfident in his ability to speak [[Spanish]], formed the word "noviophobia" by using the Spanish word ''novio'', meaning "boyfriend", and the English suffix, -phobia, meaning fear . </blockquote>
</blockquote>

|}
{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== O ==
|-
|
;[[OC]]
<blockquote>1. ''(abbreviation, noun)'' Original Creator. A god or deity, including [[Chris and religion#Delusions of godhood|Chris himself]].

<blockquote>''I recall that there was a Mythos about me online: myself, Chris Chan, I; I was an '''OC''' in my own stories; was I Real in this “Reality” that is Dimension 1218? And then I was confirmed in late 2007 with that blurry photograph of me in a moment of great shock and stress.''<ref>[[September 2019 social media posts]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(abbreviation, noun)'' Original Creation. A resident of a [[Reality Cartoon|cartoon dimension]]

<blockquote>''I am pleased to announce from this collab piece alone, we have ten Sonichu/Rosechu '''OCs''' confirmed for the OC Expansion Packs of our #TSSSF set of cards, and then some, as I’m also delegating with my other friends as well. This is going to be a massive and lovely OC party!''<ref>[[September 2019 social media posts]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Short for ''original character'', a common term used by fanfiction authors for characters invented by themselves and used in their stories yet not present in the source material. Chris believes that fictional characters [[Chris and reality|really]] exist in other [[dimensions]], and under the [[Idea Guys]]' influence was convinced they are deserving of worship. Beginning with the Console Patron Units from ''[[Hyperdimension Neptunia]]'', he has since generalised this idea on his own.</blockquote>

;OH! MY AXELS! (or OW! MY AXELS!)
[[File:Axels2.jpg|thumb|right]]
<blockquote>1. ''(interjection)'' Expression of pain in one's axles (the central shafts of rotating wheels or gears in a machine).

<blockquote>'''''OOOHHHHHH!!!! MY AXELS!!!!!'''''<ref>[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Written for [[Ghostbusters|Ghost Buggy]]'s cameo in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], based upon the character's tendency to complain about its aching mechanical components.</blockquote>

;OH, MY CHRIS CHAN!
[[File:CWC GoPony reaction.jpg|thumb|150px|right]]
<blockquote>1. ''(interjection)'' Exclamation uttered by Chris during his phases of holding a [[messiah complex]] and [[role-play]]ing as [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]].

<blockquote>''Why the Hell would you read that personal shit about [[Chris|Mama]] with [[LoveYouLongTime E-mails, 2013-2014#Chris fucks himself|the penis thing]]? '''[[CPU Blue Heart|Oh, My Chris Chan]]!'''''<ref>[[Chris-Chan: A Comprehensive History]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Typed as a comment for the [[Chris-Chan: A Comprehensive History]] episode involving an embarrassing email.</blockquote>

;old-fashioned<blockquote>
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Holding a belief that may be considered politically incorrect.

<blockquote>''But still, call me '''old-fashioned''' but, I'd rather be- I would not- I'd uh- I'd definitely wouldn't uh... NOT BLACK. Not black.''<ref>[[Mumble_4]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''My father is '''OLD FASHIONED'''; he NEVER gives thought to homos, and he HATES them too.''<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris seems to regard most traditional beliefs and rituals to be offensive to the general public.

2. ''(adjective)'' Dating back to the 1980s.

<blockquote>''Ah, you can tell this is an '''old-fashioned''' Lego set on account of this—the old-fashioned "LegoLand" on the corner.''<ref>[[Song of Christian]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris seems to believe anything that's been made more than 5 years ago is as old as dirt.

3. ''(adjective)'' Preferring real women over waifus.
<blockquote>''Nothing against waifus and the people who have them, but I Never Really understood the appeal and concept of making out a character from a show who is Dimensions Away from your own league to be any sort of a significant other to you. I’m more '''old-fashioned''' towards real women.''<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/954587249622077440</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Unknown. However, Chris seemed to use this word like this because he's aware it isn't considered customary to be sexually attached to fictional characters over real people.

</blockquote>

;ounce of vagina

<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' Essentially Chris's way of saying "I'll at least lose my virginity at some point".

<blockquote>''And, as for you, Jason Kendrick Howell… as sure as I am to get at least one '''ounce of vagina''', I have your number, and you're going down!''<ref name=AttentionAll/></blockquote>

Origin: Obviously confused when it comes to both euphemisms and basic units of measure, Chris has stated that he is sure to get "at least one ounce of vagina" within his lifetime.<ref name=AttentionAll/> In the years since, he's gotten at least [[Mia Hamm|two]] [[Barbara Chandler|ounces]].
</blockquote>
;outercourse
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' the act of stimulating someone else's genitals.

<blockquote>''I understand. You may or may not have had much exposure to sexual images as I've had, so the idea of a "hand job" (which was the act drawn there) as part of '''outtercourse''''' [sic]'' (versus intercourse) was a surprise to you.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Megan_emails,_2008#Chris_thinks_she_was_scarred_because_she_doesn.27t_know_much_about_sex</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The word "outercourse" is actually another way to refer to dry humping.<ref>http://www.dictionary.com/browse/outercourse</ref> In Chris's mind however, outercourse simply refers to sex which involves touching another's genitals, because the action happen outside of the body.</blockquote>

;overinexperienced
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Being overly inexperienced.

<blockquote>''My Body is sexually overinexperienced, and Starved.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/May_2020_social_media_posts</ref></blockquote>

Origin: It apparently didn't occur to Chris that sexual inexperience isn't the least bit comparative, at least not in the context where he intended to use this word.
</blockquote>

;overpowered (or OP)
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' A disproportionate amount of strength, which is worn as a badge of honor.

<blockquote>''If I was a neuro-typical mind, as opposed to '''overpowered''' psychic, I’d have gotten dizzy. ''<ref>[[September 2019 social media posts]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A term normally meant to refer to imbalance in game mechanics. Chris adopted the term at some point during or after the [[Idea Guys]] saga as a way to brag about his nonexistent psychic abilities and ludicrously powerful fictional characters.</blockquote>

{{clear}}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== P ==
|-
|

;parkay
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' an epic style of running

<blockquote>''Hello there, fans! It's Christian Chandler here, live at the downtown mall, where for the Sonichu franchise and city of CWCville, and everything like that, I'm gonna do a '''parkay''' from this point all the way down to the gara--parking garage where, at the end, we will get a nice view of the tent-style theater that's down there where events are held.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu%27s_Edge</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In the video [[Sonichu's Edge]], Chris calls his style of running "parkay". Chris confused his running as a form of parkour, an acrobatic sport typically used in the military as a means of practicing the navigation of a complex environment without the use of equipment. <ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parkour</ref>. Given Chris's [[speech impediment]], the word "parkour" somehow came out as "parkay".
</blockquote>

;[[Parody|parody]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Any work that "borrows" characters, plots, or styles from other pieces of fiction, whether infringing International [[Chris and copyright|Copyright]] Law or otherwise.

<blockquote>''Any names, or persons, illustrated in any of the Sonichu Comics, except that of Christian Weston Chandler, that may seem similar to anyone in real life, are purely coincidental, or otherwise '''parodic'''.''<ref>https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=File:Issue_8_Cover.jpg</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris's understanding of what constitutes as a parody most likely comes from his interest in shows like [[Family Guy]] and [[Excel Saga]], the former of which use copyrighted characters to make jokes around them, and the latter of which parodied various clichés found in anime. In his mind, because those shows can get away with using such characters and scenes, that gives him an excuse to do the same thing in his comics as long as he states it's being done as a "parody". Ironically, Whenever Chris spoted an actual parody, he thought that the characters from the original work were being defaced.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Parody#Chris_does_not_understand_the_concept_of_parody</ref></blockquote>

;peanut
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Someone who disregards you, or otherwise does not accept you for who you are.

<blockquote>''So you enjoy it, just do it—don't worry about other people's opi—pinions. Because, uh, compared to the other schools, those people who disregard you are just total '''peanuts'''. And I'm not talkin' Charlie Brown; I'm talkin' 'bout the little nuts after the shells. The real peanut gallery. That would be peanuts, wouldn't it?''<ref>[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Apparently derived from "[[Wikipedia:peanut gallery|peanut gallery]]," a term used to describe the hecklers in an vaudeville audience who would throw peanuts at a performer. Chris's own spin on this concept is to dismiss such hecklers as being insignificant like literal peanuts.
</blockquote>

;[[Pedofork|pedofork]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A pedophile.

<blockquote>''I am not a '''pedofork''', you DORKS!!!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CWC%27s_Second_Message</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Created as a half-assed attempt to make "pedophile" rhyme with dork. Coined in Chris's [[Madman Rising]] video, in response to the trolls who were comparing him to [[wikipedia:Herbert_(Family_Guy)| Herbert the Pervert]] from ''Family Guy''.</blockquote>

;Pfalm
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The act of placing your palm over someone's face or the camera, as if it's the viewer's face.

<blockquote>''Be geek, be proud, pfaaaaaalm! Emgo; silly! Silly, silly person. Have a good day, be safe, be good.''<ref>[[CLog 10172017 - Medallion Making]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: According to Chris, it comes from the phrase "palm in your face" which is a phrase [[Emgo316]] uses, combining the words "palm" and "face".<ref>[[Random Thoughts (will be updated from time to time)]]</ref> Even though the CWC-ism was coined by Chris in 2017,<ref>[[Son-Chu Review]]</ref> it was not actively used until 2024.
</blockquote>

;[[Pickle|pickle]]
[[File:Pickle Rick.jpg|right|thumb|Chris bought this back in 2018. The brine-soaked irony!]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A penis, particularly one of [[JERKS|any man that isn't Chris]].

<blockquote>''Do me a favor, draw a VAGINA on my Rosechu, Rosechu IS A GIRL; SHE NEVER HAD A FREAKIN' '''PICKLE'''!!!!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Chrisreply3.PNG</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The word "pickle" is one of the few hundred slang words for the word "penis".<ref>https://web.stanford.edu/~eckert/PDF/PenisTesticlesSlang.pdf</ref> It is unknown why Chris prefers to refer to the penises of other men as "pickles", while he calls his own his "duck", but it may have to do with Chris's sexual insecurity and the fact that he legitimately hates actual pickles <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Mailbag_4#Why_Chris_hates_pickles</ref>, whereas Chris thinks he's special enough to have a cutesy name for his own penis.</blockquote>

;[[Pmurt]]

<blockquote>1. ''(proper noun)'' The 45th and 47th president of the United States: Donald Trump.

<blockquote>''EID '''PMURT''' EID!!!!!!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Eid,_Pmurt,_Eid</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Donald Trump's last name, but spelled backwards. In Chris's first usage of this CWC-ism, Chris mentioned how "Trump spelled backward is "Pmurt", which sounds like "hurt".<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/September_2016_Facebook_posts#Registered_to_vote</ref>
Due to Chris's strong hatred for Trump, he frequently referred to Trump as Pmurt- believing that the spoken word of a backwards name has the power to degrade and weaken a person.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/U8C43P2A37A8_y_U8C1N023V0L</ref>. In Chris's eyes, if he repeated the word again and again, everyone would turn against Trump and start voting for [[Wikipedia:Hillary Clinton|Hillary]]. Unsurprisingly, Chris had no sway over the election aside from his own vote.
</blockquote>

;point at your snout and oink
<blockquote>1. ''(verb phrase)'' Do something humiliating to yourself.

<blockquote>''You both want me to even Beg, you can go '''point at your own damn snouts and Oink''' like Eric Cartman, and then [[Rape]] yourselves with your own Damn [[Star Wars|Darth Maul]] [[Sex toys|Dual LightSabre]].''<ref>[[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A reference to a scene in the ''[[South Park]]'' episode "{{w|Scott Tenorman Must Die}}", where Scott makes Eric Cartman embarass himself by singing a song about being a "little piggy". Chris said this to [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Surfshack Tito]] upon failing to receive a cash bounty for destroying his own [[PlayStation 3]].
</blockquote>

;poke
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Marijuana.

<blockquote>''Anyway, eclectic! High on the hedge and high on the hog. You want some of this '''poke''', mon?<ref>[[CWC address to Royal Board]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Intended as a demonstration of what "Soni-Chew the Eclectic Heeedge Hog Poke Mon of London, England" would sound like. A coded reference to Pokémon, and may or may not be a play on the verb "toke".
</blockquote>

;[[Polyamorous marriage|polyamorous]]
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Polygamous.

<blockquote>''I go'' [sic] ''married to Magi-Chan Sonichu and Cryzel Rosechu last March, and then I married Sylvana Rosechu and Mewtwo last June. We all share a '''polyamorous''' relationship.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Miss_Cherry_asks_Chris_about_his_marriages.png</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An etymologically malformed neologism from the 1970's for having multiple romantic or sexual relations at once, misapplied by Chris. </blockquote>

;prawns
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Subordinates or helpers, often those wittingly or unwittingly aiding a sinister character.

<blockquote>''You keep sending out your '''prawns''' to do your dirty work, you coward.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/List_of_Chris%27s_edits_to_Encyclopedia_Dramatica#15_May</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris almost certainly meant to type "pawns" here. </blockquote>

;[[Prickly-Wicklies|prickly-wicklies]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Punishments given for insulting or harming Chris.

<blockquote>''War gets you '''prickly-wicklies'''... as well as punches.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/A_Warm_Fuzzy_Tale</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Refer to ''Fuzzy-Wuzzies''.

''See Also:'' [[CWC-isms#F|fuzzy-wuzzies]]

</blockquote>

;[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]
[[Image:PVCCitizens.jpg|thumb]]
<blockquote>1. ''(backronym)'' The headquarters of several Sonichu villains.</blockquote>

<blockquote>Origin: The name itself is a backronym of the college Chris attended, [[PVCC|the Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. After experiencing several mishaps throughout his college experience<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Piedmont_Virginia_Community_College#Kicked_out_of_English</ref><ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Piedmont_Virginia_Community_College#Kicked_out_of_college</ref>, the dean giving him the cold hard truth about why his [[Love Quest]] is doomed to fail became the straw that broke the camel's back, and Chris thought it would be a smart idea to deface the college afterward in his comics.</blockquote>

;prowldent
<blockquote>1. ''(???)'' Unknown.

<blockquote>There's no quote to cite this from, just a logo in which Chris gives the name "Prowldent Virginia Community College" to [[PVCC]].<ref>[[:File:ProwldentVCC.jpg]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Likely combining connotations of "prowl" and "dent" (either to leave an indentation or [[fangs|teeth]]).
</blockquote>

;Pu Tuhs!
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' Shut Up!

<blockquote>''SHE; my Ariel Starter was Female from the start, so '''Pu Tuhs!'''''<ref>[[December 2016 Facebook posts#Favorite Pokemon]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: "Shut up" backwards. Because it is backwards, Chris thinks it is more debasing than the normal version of the phrase.
</blockquote>

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== Q ==
|-
|

;q-sand
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' Short for quarter sandwich (i.e. a quarter of a sandwich).

<blockquote>
''So, mom ignored her and ate the '''q-sand''' in front of her.''<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 31]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Appeared in an [[Jackie E-mails 31|e-mail]] sent to [[Jackie]] dated August 5, 2011. Most likely unnecessarily used as a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|way past cool]] abbreviation.
</blockquote>

;quarters
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An office space; headquarters.

<blockquote>''Then that B-Dog ripped up my notes and all, dragged me to her '''quarters''' and talked down to me very RUDELY AND HOARSELY.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris%27s_Wikipedia_profile</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Whenever Chris says that he's being brought to someone's office, he always refers to it as their "quarters", as if he was being brought to some kind of evil hideout. This could be to add unnecessary dramatic effect to his stories.

2. ''(noun, pl.)'' coins, no matter their origin or worth.

<blockquote>''Uhh. I want a soda, but it takes only C '''quarters''' and I only have W quarters. Do you have any change?''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu_9_Official_Videobook</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The first time this word was used like this was in [[Sonichu 9]], where it is revealed that [[CWCville]] issues its currency in the form of "C-quarters" and "W-quarters". According to this issue, 10 C-quarters, make up a single W-quarter, which ultimately defeats the whole concept of the "quarter" coin. Despite being a part of the United States, CWC-ville still issues this strange form of currency, along with US dollars. Because of this, Chris likely decided to refer to his currency as "quarters" so that it could technically count as US currency.</blockquote>

;quite
<blockquote>1. ''(exclamation)'' A fancy replacement of the word "right" or "correct".

<blockquote>''Arthur: Magi-Chan, it's because of his-- you know, he wants to help all of his friends, and with his ability to contact them all simultaenously at the same time, it's an amazing ability to have.</blockquote>

<blockquote>''Chris: '''Quite''', he is the psychic type, after all.''<ref name=CatKnight>[[CatKnight Interview]]''</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(adverb)'' to the utmost or most absolute extent or degree; absolutely; completely.

<blockquote> ''Hm. Not enough to, uhh... Well, he knows quite-- he can see '''quite''' a bit far into the future, but although there are details of which you might not be able to see, a point or two.'' <ref name=CatKnight/></blockquote>

<blockquote>''For a hundred dollars? Th-that's, that's '''quite''', that's uh, it'd take more funds for me to, more funds than that for me to be able to acquire the material figures...''<ref name=CatKnight/></blockquote>

Origin: Chris infamously used this word, along with "indeed" ad nauseam in his interview with [[Arthur Spatchcock]], believing that doing so is essentially the same as speaking his language, British if you will.</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== R ==
|-
|

;raincoat
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a condom.

<blockquote>''You ARE the woman...we gotta stop by [[Wal-Mart|Wall-Mall-Wart]] on the way for a "'''raincoat'''".''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu_7_Official_Videobook</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The term "raincoat" is actually an archaic slang term for the word "condom".<ref>https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/raincoat</ref> Given that Chris has been raised by two geezers his whole life, and that part of his childhood has consisted of [[Gilligan's Island|old TV shows]], Chris thought that people would understand what he meant when he states that his Mary Sues are having protected sex with a raincoat.</blockquote>

;[[random-access humor]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' non-sequitur.

<blockquote>''Punchy grew up in a dojo, where he perfected his punches. He is also full of '''random-access humor'''. He lost his tail in a brutal fight.''<ref>https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComicP5.htm</ref></blockquote>

Origin: According to Chris, his brain is completely random, and it always spews out incoherent garbage. In his mind, this works in the same way a computer processes random-access memory.<ref name=FatherCall/>

</blockquote>

;rapier
[[File:ReldnahcTheRapier .jpg|thumb|Reldnahc the Rapier]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun, attributive)'' rapist, sexual assailant.

<blockquote>
''Now! My '''rapier''' friend, I would very much like you to get off me, please.''<ref>[[Sonichu 12]], [[:File:SchuComic12-1P60.jpg|page 60]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris-Chan Sonichu calls [[Reldnahc_Notsew_Naitsirhc#Fictional_biography|Reldnahc Ha-Taque]] his "rapier friend" in [[Sonichu 12|Sonichu #12]] after Reldnahc tackles him to the ground in a suggestive pose and touches his chest, thus (in Chris's hyperbolic mind) "raping" him. As a double double entendre, he could also be using the externally attested definition, as an adjective meaning "witty",<ref>https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/rapier#Adjective</ref> and metaphorically referring to a kind of thin, sharp-pointed sword. This is incredibly unlikely due to Chris's basic understanding of the English language, and he most likely didn't know "rapist" is the term for one who rapes, not raper or rapier.
</blockquote>

;reality cartoon

<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' The universe.

<blockquote>
''Life is a cartoon; we are all the characters of the larger; the cartoons we make are part of our own universe; we're all a '''reality cartoon'''.''<ref>[[August 2017 tweets#"Life is a cartoon"]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Since Chris's life revolves mainly around [[Vidya]] and cartoons, it would make sense to him that the most believable explanation for the universe and everything in it is that it's all a cartoon. Likely related to Chris's known belief that [[Chris_and_reality#Fictional_characters_and_media|all fiction actually exists in alternate universes]]. Chris's interactions with the [[Idea Guys]] made this idea seem even more plausible to him.
</blockquote>

;[[recycling]]

<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' the act of one ingesting their own semen to preserve their sperm count.

<blockquote> I '''recycle''' my own semen, because, uh, you know, yes I do masturbate.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Captain%27s_Log,_Stardate_April_28th,_2009</ref> </blockquote>

Origin: Chris, having very little knowledge of how the male reproductive system works, thinks that men can run out of sperm from masturbating or orgasming too much. Fearing the loss of "potential children", Chris actually thinks that by ingesting the sperm back into his body, his sperm count will stay in balance, thus, he is "recycling" it.

</blockquote>

;reeb
[[Image:4centgarbagereeb.jpg|thumb|Glug! Glug! Glug!]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' beer or any other alcoholic beverage of the like.

<blockquote>''Then he glugs his '''reeb''', heh-heh, and then he conks out.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris, thinking he's so [[Slow-in-the-minds|clever]], decided to censor any mention of the word "beer" in his comics, by spelling the word backward.</blockquote>

;Resident-Evil refrigerator

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The refrigerator in the previous Chandler Household.

<blockquote>''Kitchen very much blocked off all over... with the '''Resident Evil refrigerator''' right there.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Tour_of_Chris%27s_House_II</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris refers to the fridge as the "Resident Evil" kind, because in Japan, the game ''Resident Evil'' is known as ''Biohazard''.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Tour_of_Chris%27s_House_II</ref><ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Resident_Evil</ref> Considering the quality of the household, that name may very well fit the description of the fridge in the state it was in before filming the [[Tour of Chris's House II|Second House Tour]].</blockquote>

;romps in the hay

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' sexual intercourse

<blockquote>''This page, by the way, was drawn before last March, so stuff Has Happened since then, it is all good. Go ahead and Muck It Up in your heads, Trolls; I Am BiSexual, and I Laugh at your Jokes. (Awesome Romps in the hay with him, as well as Cryzel)''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/July_2018_social_media_posts#BronyCon_thoughts</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris has used this term since at least 2018.
</blockquote>

;[[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The female counterpart of the [[Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon]].</blockquote>

<blockquote>Origin: Derived from the appropriately named first Rosechu of CWCville, [[Rosechu]]. The name of the species is a portmanteau of the last name of the ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' character, Amy Rose, and "Raichu", the evolved form of a Pikachu.</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== S ==
|-
|

;[[saga]]
<blockquote>1 ''(noun)'' An ongoing event within Chris's life.

<blockquote>''A Sonichu Special: CWC's Love Quest '''Saga'''''</blockquote>

Origin: Chris was actually the first to use the term "saga" as Christorians know it today, using it as such when describing his Love Quest on the cover of [[Sonichu 4]]. It wasn't until the Miyamota Saga when the term was used by Christorians to describe ongoing events in Chris's life as we know it.</blockquote>

;salty
<blockquote>1 ''(adjective)'' showing more maturity or coarseness than is expected, especially knowledge of [[honest]] topics like [[Chris and sex|sex]].

<blockquote>''Ah, but I am not the weak person they think I am; I am much, much '''saltier'''!''<ref>[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Based upon a line from "Bowling Girls", ninth episode of ''[[Excel Saga]]'': "But I'm not the sweet little girl I was a few minutes ago! I'm much, much saltier now!" "Salty" in this context derives from naval lingo, since the most experienced sailors would have greater exposure to both the saltwater seas and worldly experiences.
</blockquote>

;[[Scale of Respect|scale of respect]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris's way of measuring his respect for other people.

<blockquote>''I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my '''Scale of Respect''' each by 2 points''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Scale_of_Respect</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris, like most other autistics, tends to view the world based on numerical values due to their lack of understanding of certain abstract concepts such as respect. Because of this, Chris made his very own numerical scale to decide on who should be respected, compared to who shouldn't.</blockquote>

;seinor
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Misspelling of senior.

<blockquote>''A cool Junior or '''Seinor'''-Year student, and follow their example on asking others out''<ref>[[CWC Blog]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An example of how the “i before e rule” escapes Chris.

</blockquote>

;self-epic
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' describing a situation which is epic, and at the same time related to Chris and his various clones.

<blockquote>''And I will square-off in the TRULY '''SELF-EPIC''' Battle between me, and my Dark Half.''<ref>[[An Important Update]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: [[Chris and his Ego|Self-explanatory]].</blockquote>
</blockquote>

;self-masturbation
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' [[Mass debating|masturbation]].

<blockquote>'''''Self-masturbation''' is really arduous and annoying.''<ref name=15min>[[Masturbation discussions]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris decided to add the prefix "self-" to make it clear that he was stroking his own [[duck]], apparently unaware that use of said prefix is redundant (the term masturbation typically implies self-pleasure unless one specifies otherwise).</blockquote>
</blockquote>

;self-sexually active
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' in the habit of [[Mass debating|masturbating]].

<blockquote>''And Another Thing, yes, I will admit I was '''self-sexually active'''; WAS. You all turned me off of Sex LONG Before I even thought of coming out as Trans in ‘14.''<ref>[[February 2020 social media posts#On seeing his father's penis]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A modification of "sexually active".</blockquote>
</blockquote>

;ship
[[File:Chillaxingcard.jpg|200px|thumb|An example of a "shipping".]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An act of two or more OCs interacting with or performing any given action towards one another, regardless of any romantic feelings.

<blockquote>''You must take a Pony card from the grid and reattach it elsewhere with this '''Ship'''. That card's power activates. At the end of the turn, until the Pony card attached with this '''Ship''' is discarded of removed from the grid, it gains the Keyword Villain.''<ref>[https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:EpicOnlineBully.jpeg]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An abbreviation of the word "relationship". Chris learned the term from the card game ''[[Twilight Sparkle's Secret Shipfic Folder]]'', a My Little Pony fan game satirizing the popular internet trend of shipping. He used the game as another creative medium to sell items to fans, trolls, weens, and enablers.</blockquote>
</blockquote>

;shitful
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' hurtful; defamitory.

<blockquote>''And this is the last time I will ever say anything in response to your '''shitful''' and hurtful comments and hatred for Hate's Sake!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/August_2014_Facebook_Posts</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Shitful is a vulgar slang word, synonymous with words like "boat-load" or "truck-load". Chris may have seen the "shit" part of this word and assumed that it was a more profane version of "hateful". Disregarding its actual meaning, the word to Chris is used for situations that seem "shitty" to him.</blockquote>

;[[SLGBTQ]]

<blockquote>1. ''(acronym)'' an extended acronym for LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) which includes "straights" and "questioning people".

<blockquote>''Considering your logo there, Texas will be feeling more love from the '''SLGBTQ''' community; give us props and Love, Lone Star State.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/September_2017_tweets#Hurricane_Harvey_and_SLGBT</ref></blockquote>

Origin: When Chris first used this acronym, he didn't explain what groups the "S" or "Q" were supposed to represent, making plenty of people confused. Eventually, Chris revealed that the "S" represents '''s'''traight and cis-gender people, while "Q" represents "'''q'''ueers" or "'''q'''uestioning people". Chris believes that if he included straight people into LGBT, then those particular people would feel more invited to join into the community. Considering the fact that gay people are minorities, adding the "S" to LGBT only defeats the entire purpose of identifying people as LGBT in the first place.</blockquote>

;[[Slow-in-the-minds|slow-in-the-mind]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a mentally handicapped person

<blockquote>''And finally, after a hard "odd" day, he rides home on a bus, but unfortunately, it had a few "'''slow-in-the-minds'''" on it.''<ref name=AWeekWith>[[A Week With Christian Chandler]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: While the exact origin of the term is unknown, slow-in-the-minds was first used by Chris in a high school assignment.<ref>[[Manchester High Leaks#Help This Unborn Child]]</ref> "Slow-in-the-minds" works as a stand in for the less-socially-acceptable "retard", so it's possible that Chris created this CWC-ism in order to self-censor.

</blockquote>

;slow-minded

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' mentally retarded

<blockquote>''As for what had happened during PVCC, in a nutshell; about Mid-Summer, 2003, I've realize upon revolation that I needed a girl friend to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up, so with a sign (which I've later realized that it made me look '''slow-minded'''; the "R" Word), I've started my Enduring Love Quest.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris_emails_2007#February</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''OK, I can definitely name you a few reasons, like there was this one [stutters] …there was this one '''slow-minded''' individual named Tony. He was like as big as-he was as big and strong as an ox. He just kept on making all the moanings and noises and whatnot, and he sometimes even-even-a couple of times he even spat on me, and he even bopped me on the back of the head once or twice during the whole-during the whole time I knew him there.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Kacey_Call_9</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(adjective)'' stupid, but not quite retarded

<blockquote> ''I'll admit I have had some '''slow-minded''' moments. But I am certainly not totally retarded.''<ref>[[Father Call#Crossing the Naïve Line (1:46:21-1:52:36)]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;SNERGEN FLERGEN!!!
[[Image:SNERGEN FLERGEN!.PNG|thumb|200px]]
<blockquote>1. ''(interjection)'' A phrase one may shout out when asked for attendance.

<blockquote>'''''SNERGEN FLERGEN!!!'''''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:SchuComic9P6.jpg</ref>
''-What?''

''Uh...here!''
</blockquote>

Origin: An obvious example of Chris's [[CWC-isms#R|random-access humor]]. This weird phrase appeared in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], when the cast was asked for their attendance during a [[CWC-isms#D|Dating Education]] class. When [[Wild Sonichu]] was asked for his attendance, he blurted out this phrase as Chris's many attempts to be funny in his comics. Given Chris's childish sense of humor, it would make a whole lot of sense for him to include a character randomly blurt out a nonsensical phrase out of nowhere.</blockquote>

;snooze cruise
<blockquote>1. a long period of slumber

<blockquote> ''Next, he had Trigonometry...I'd hate to be Christian when his nerves kicked into action after waking up from a "notey" '''snooze cruise''', but I was.''<ref name=AWeekWith/></blockquote>

Origin: Taken from ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]'', in the Super Sonic's Story cutscenes, after Sonic gets woken up by Tails: "I was on a snooze cruise, I guess!"

</blockquote>

;somecummpentydifferent
<blockquote>1. ''(Phrase)'' Used to announce a change in subject.

<blockquote>''Anyway and now for somecummpentydifferent stay tuned for '''somecummpentydifferent''' — a bunch of good pushups!''<ref>[[Getting Foam Ed]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(Phrase)'' Used to announce use of [[random-access humor]].

<blockquote>''And now for '''somecummpentydifferent'''. BUUUUNG! And now it's Monty Python's flying elephants. Du tu du tu du tu du. Du tu du tu du tu du. Johan, why is people running away? I don't know, Greeg, why is people running away.''<ref>[[CWCFlyingElephants]]. Note this is the very first thing he says, so there's nothing to be completely different ''from''.</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris is trying to say "And now for something completely different" like John Cleese does on [[Monty Python]]. Suffice to say Cleese's ability to say three multisyllabic words in rapid succession exceeds that of Chris.</blockquote>

;[[Tobacky|somkey]]
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' The quality of having smoked recreationally, be it tobacco, marijuana, or some other substance.

<blockquote>''Thank our mayor, Mr. Christian Weston Chandler that CWCville is a clean city; nobody has to go home drunk or '''somkey'''!''<ref>[[Sonichu 8]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A simple corruption of the word 'Smokey', used by [[Jamsta Sonichu]] and [[Lolisa Rosechu]] during their report on [[Sonichu 8#Spring Break, 2008!|Spring Break, 2008!]].
</blockquote>

;[[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]]
<blockquote>1. (noun) The male counterpart of the Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon.</blockquote>

<blockquote>Origin: Derived from the appropriately named first Sonichu of CWCville, Sonichu. The name of the species is a portmanteau of the name of the titular character of ''Sonic the Hedgehog'', Sonic, and "Pikachu".</blockquote>

;soo
<blockquote>1. ''(adverb)'' Very, Very much.

<blockquote>''Dear Blanca, I am '''soo''' happy that you were revealed as my True, Honest Sweetheart-To-Be''<ref>[[Chris's Letter to Blanca]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In writing, Chris often adds extra o's to the word "so" to prolong the "o" sound and show added emphasis. This has the (unintentional?) effect of mimicking the speech patterns of a Valley Girl or an effeminate homosexual. However, where most people would add two or more o's, (e.g., "I love you sooo much!"), Chris frequently only adds one, resulting in "soo," which makes the word look like it's supposed to be pronounced "sue".

This may originate from pamphlets published by [http://www.channing-bete.com/ Channing Bete], [[Autism|short and uninformative]] self-help pamphlets often handed out at churches, the last page of which often feature a summary headlined by "Soo…" Given his distrust of help from anyone other than [[Rocky]], it is not entirely impossible that Chris has read Channing Bete pamphlets occasionally.

This is one of many recurring jokes in the [[Sonichu Audiobooks]] in which the narrator pronounces words like "soo" as they are literally spelled, instead of how Chris intended them to be read.
</blockquote>

;soul-bonding
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Sexual intercourse as a means of purifying someone.

<blockquote>What had happened was Literally a Divine Mission, commissioned to Christine and I by Emanuel (GOD above Gods), herself, to Heal and Cleanse Barbara's health and soul and being and Clear her of remaining sins and regrets through Coddling, Talking, and Supportive '''Soul Bonding''' to mainly Extend her Life, personally by Divine Intervention.<ref>[[Jail Letter - 4 October 2021]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris has somehow come under the delusion that having sex with his mother would "purify" her, and extend her lifetime, all through the act of bonding each other's souls.

</blockquote>

;soup beds
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Homeless shelter with beds

<blockquote>'' I mean, we have soup kitchens and we have '''soup beds'''. We should really combine the two into SOUP HOTELS!''<ref>[[A Public Announcement for Congress]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris tries to distill his "soup hotel" idea into its two components, but he mangles one of them by retaining the "soup" prefix.
</blockquote>

;sourdough region
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The crotch area

<blockquote>''Its weak point is still the '''sourdough region''', but it would take FIVE KICKS to get to it''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In his Sonichu comics, Chris has decided to make the main weakness of the jerkops their crotch. The weakest of the jerkops take only one kick to be taken down, while higher-ranking jerkops, such as [[Jerkhief]] take five. The reason why Chris refers to this spot as the "sourdough region" is unknown, but most of his other CWC-isms already tend to sound so nonsensical to begin with, it barely even matters.</blockquote>

;spike on one's shoulder
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' refers to the act of holding grievances towards someone.

<blockquote>''There was a whole bunch of misunderstandings between me and my employer, and he had a '''spike on his shoulder''' against me.''<ref>[[Father Call#The Shit Hits the Fan (33:24-39:17)]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A confusion with the phrase "chip on one's shoulder".</blockquote>

;spot
<blockquote> 1. ''(noun)'' A small amount.

<blockquote>''the recent 43.98 purchase was actually a ''spot'' of Wheeling and Dealing I did; I actually spent less to make a profit.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Jackie_E-mails_15</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris likes to retardedly incorporate British English into his sentences when he has the chance, possibly to sound more classy than he actually is. The phrase "A spot of X" is a British English idiom referring to a small amount of something.</blockquote>

;sticky dream
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A wet dream

<blockquote>''After falling back asleep Chris had a "'''sticky dream'''."''<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris claims that a "wet dream" actually refers to wetting one's bed as opposed to nocturnal emission.
</blockquote>

;straight path
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The quality of being heterosexual and cisgender

<blockquote>''And, besides, if you stray away from the '''straight path''', it can really jeopardize the entire future of the world and the human race.<ref>[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]''</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Before the [[Tomgirl Saga]], Chris had an intense fear of "falling off the straight path". When he states this, he is essentially referring to being on the path to straightness, in the same way a normal person would refer to someone being on the path to success. Chris also had this unrealistic idea that being in contact with gay men would suddenly make him gay too, which would therefore make him fall off the path. Possibly also an allusion to the phrase "straight and narrow" and/or the Biblical passage Matthew 7:14: "Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it."</blockquote>

</blockquote>
;[[Sub-Episodes|sub-episode]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The side stories in the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] comics.</blockquote>

<blockquote>Origin: A result of Chris's use of [[Chris and English#Television jargon|television jargon]] in his comics.</blockquote>

;sumbah
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Minced oath for "son of a bitch."

<blockquote>''Yo, Christian, thanks for saving my sister from that crazy '''sumbah'''''<ref>[[Sonichu Special 4]], page K-4</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Probably based upon "sumbitch."
</blockquote>

;[[Sweetbolt|sweetbolt]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A pet name used by [[CWC-isms#E|Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]].

<blockquote>''Ahh..that salad was great! What's wrong '''sweetbolt'''?''<ref>https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComicP11.htm</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' A sweetheart.

<blockquote>''I understand, and I will NEVER put it against you. Yes, as your '''SweetBolt'''. :)?''<ref>https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComicP11.htm</ref></blockquote>

Origin: When Chris first worked on his Sonichu comics, he tried to incorporate as many references to electricity as he can, in order to match with the Pikachu part of the titular character. A portmanteau of the CWC-ism "sweetheart" and "bolt".
</blockquote>

;[[Sweetheart|sweetheart]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A potential lover.

<blockquote>''Oh, gee, I'm sorry Bionic, but back then I was na- I was naive on dating and all that, so I just didn't think of it at the time. But if you a '''sweetheart''', Meg has created quite a few foxy characters. If she's cool with it, you could go out with one of them.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu_6_Official_Videobook</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Another cutesy pet name given to candidates of his Love Quest.</blockquote>

;[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up|sweetheart from the ground-up]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An ideal sweetheart beyond the friend zone.

<blockquote>''For days to weeks to months to years, I Felt So Lonesome and Incomplete. But I didn't STOP! In the name of Love, and the fact that there had to be a Boyfriend-Free Girl out there, somewhere, for me to get to know, grow a strong companionship with and make into a '''Sweetheart from the Ground-Up''', so in later years, after the inevitability of my parents leaving me, I WON'T BE ALONE. And I can eventually realize my dream of being a good husband, and father of a pretty girl named Crystal.''<ref name=CurrentDays/></blockquote>

Origin: As stated, Chris intended to use this weird phrase to indicate that he wants an ideal gal-pal well beyond the friend zone. Chris thought this phrase sounded so clever, that he used it constantly.</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== T ==
|-
|

;teenages

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The 13-19 age group; teenage years.

<blockquote>''Ahem... hello, ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, and dudes of all '''teenages''', as well as the, uh, gals.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Christian_Weston_Chandler%27s_FUTURE_MESSAGE</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In Chris's [[Future Message]], he attempts to talk down to just about every age group. In order to do this, he starts his video off with the quote above. Chris clearly couldn't think of a way to refer to teenagers, so he decided to refer to such people by "teenages". A butchering of "people of all ages".</blockquote>

;teir
[[File:Teir.png|thumb|200|Chris spelling tier wrong.]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Misspelling of tier.

<blockquote>''$1 '''Teir'''''<ref>[[Patreon]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Yet another example of how Chris is unaware of “i before e”. In a June 2019 update, he managed to spell tier wrong throughout multiple descriptions, despite the correctly-spelled word being visible right on the page.</blockquote>

;telekinesis

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Telepathy, i.e. communication through long distances, usually via psychic or supernatural means.

<blockquote>''I’ve been communicating with her through '''telekinesis''', and she sounded very lonesome.''<ref>[[Silvana]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Whereas tele'''kine'''sis means ''moving'' objects from a distance with psychic powers (c.f. ''[[wikipedia:kinetic energy|kinetic]]''), Chris has never used the term properly. [[Magi-Chan|Psychic]] [[Silvana|characters]] in the [[comic]] have both powers of telekinesis and telepathy, but Chris has only used the former to refer to both.
</blockquote>

;Temple

<blockquote>1. [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]].
<blockquote>''Food for Barbara is also appreciated, and Visitors who personally offer genuine Kindness and Good Intentions are all encouraged to visit the '''Temple'''.''<ref>[[Jail Letter - 4 October 2021]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In [[2019]] Chris designated his house as the "Temple of CWC Sonichu" due to his growing [[Messiah complex]].
</blockquote>

;That was a straw that sold the blade to the executioner

<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' That was the final straw.

<blockquote>''And on top of that, literally doxing someone on [[Kiwi Farms|Kiwi]], because someone has a hold over [[Bismuth|Naught]] to the point of him having to feel very insecure about himself. And the topper, in my eyes, one of y'all sent threats to [[Praetor|Anni]]. Fortunately, she completely missed and overlooked that memo in her inbox. '''That was a straw that sold the blade to the executioner'''.''<ref>[[MKR DMs]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris used the phrase in listing his grievances against some members of the [[Watchmen]].
</blockquote>

;theoretical ex

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' One of the trolls who posed as a potential love interest for Chris during the classic period of trolling, between 2008 and 2011; a catfish, generally-speaking.

<blockquote>''Yeah, it’s like, you know, even when I try to make a new relationship, uh, especially among the '''theoretical rex-, exes''' I had, I still could not tell which was which…''<ref>[[Catie Date Conversation Transcript#Chris's history with the trolls]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris started calling the trolls who pretended to be his girlfriends during the classic era "theoretical exes" around the time of his date with [[Catherine|Catie]]. When pressed by Cousin Al as to what he meant, he cited that people may not always be who they say they are on the Internet.
</blockquote>

;This Viral Event

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The worldwide Coronavirus ([[COVID-19]], SARS-CoV-2) outbreak in early [[2020]], which began in [[China]] on New Year's Eve [[2019]] and has since become the most severe pandemic since the Spanish flu of 1918. Regarded by Chris as a trivial excuse to cancel a perfectly good ''[[My Little Pony]]'' convention.

<blockquote>''The Bottom Line is that '''This Viral Event''' is actually a better step in our own developments and evolution, as well as a deity-level test to sort out the weak from the moderate and strong of mental and soulful intervals, and nothing else.<ref>[[March 2020 social media posts#Chris finally weighs in on the coronavirus pandemic]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris's [[Chris and religion|theodicy]] assigns any misfortune in the world to the Dimensional Merge. As the disease's spread has caused many governments to forbid large gatherings as a sanitary measure, it has become a [[Chris and His Ego|personal inconvenience to Chris]]. He believes that the pandemic will soon be stopped by [[OC|fictional characters]]' efforts,<ref>[[March 2020 social media posts#COVID-19 a sign of dimensional merge]]</ref> making it nothing but a transient event.</blockquote>

;[[Tobacky|tobacky]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' tobacco or tobacco products

<blockquote>''If I could, I would take every last ounce of '''tobacky''', put 'em on a rocket, and shoot 'em up to the Moon.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Christian_Weston_Chandler%27s_FUTURE_MESSAGE</ref></blockquote>

Origin: American English slang, used by Chandlers since 1856,<ref>https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/tobacky#English</ref> and for [[random access humor]] since 1928.<ref>[http://www.uwosh.edu/home_pages/faculty_staff/earns/song.html Back in Nagasaki Where the Fellers Chew Tobaccy]</ref> Chris hates the act of smoking cigarettes so much that even uttering the word "tobacco" makes him feel uncomfortable, so Chris uses this as a retarded [[wikipedia:minced oath|minced oath]].<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/List_of_Christian%27s_edits_to_Encyclopedia_Dramatica</ref></blockquote>

;tom-tom
[[File:Duck Pounding Some Tom-Tom.jpeg|thumb|A duck pounding some tom-tom real hard]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' female genitalia.

<blockquote>''MY DUCK HUNGERS FOR '''TOM-TOM''' TO POUND!!!!!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/I_Am_The_TRUE,_Original_CCWC</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Taken from the short Adult Swim music video, ''Pound my Tom-Tom'', which served as the intro to the cartoon, ''Lucy, the Daughter of the Devil''.<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1DVoH0Njow</ref> Considering Chris barely understands anything adult, the fact that this was meant to be a bad euphemism, which the character, Lucy, used to avoid directly mentioning her vagina, flew over his head.</blockquote>

;[[Tomgirl Pictures|tomgirl]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A femboy, which is a person who identifies as male though still cross dresses.

<blockquote>''I am '''Tomgirl'''.''<ref>[[:File:I_am_tomgirl.jpg|PSN comment as of 6 April 2011]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: analogous to "tomboy", i.e. a girl who likes boy-stuff.

</blockquote>

;too many crooks

<blockquote>1. ''(interjection)'' Expression of dissatisfaction with an overabundance of evildoers.

<blockquote>''Well, call it--this was "too many crooks." '''Too many crooks!''' Too many crooks! And that ED page is one of those crooks.''<ref>[[Take that Page DOWN NOW!]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Based upon the idiom, "too many cooks spoil the broth," although that idiom means something, whereas this is just an incomplete sentence.
</blockquote>

;took my idea for a fall

<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' Refers to ruining Chris's [[Love Quest]] plans.

<blockquote>''I am very mad and upset, because that JERK took my idea for a fall, just like that XXXXX at PVCC did!''<ref>[[CWC%27s Diary#2004]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris used this in his poem [[Saddest Heart in the World]] as well as a 2004 diary entry. Appears to be a mangling of "took me for a fool."</blockquote>

;[[Toxic Trio]]

<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A combined name for the Watchmen [[Naught]], [[Kyle]], and [[MKRNightVee]]

<blockquote>''Hey, @everyone. For starters, in light of the recent events @Neko has been through, and the light shedding on the toxic trio, an announcement with care for now:
To all of you in my flock, I highly encourage each of you to begin and continue your own individual self-work in enlightenment. For amongst you all, as the Dimension Merge/Collective Shift draws closer upon the main event with the removal of the veil between our universe halves, each of you has your own inner potential and strength. We have no need for war or quarrel at all with the OCs and individuals of C-197, as I state to all of those individuals in regard to us of 1218.''<ref>[[:File:TheKnights1stLayer-26Jun21 - Chris intro.png]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used by Chris when he joined The WCT's [[Knights of CWC]] Discord server after WCT convinced him to distance himself from the "trio".</blockquote>

;triage

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' ménage à trois; a romantic relationship between three people.

<blockquote>''Magi-Chan Sonichu, Silvana Rosechu & Mewtwo / A Loving '''Triage'''''<ref>[[January 2018 Facebook posts‎‎#Mewtwo and Magi-Chan married]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A corruption or misspelling of "triad", possibly influenced by the ending of "ménage". "[[wikipedia:Triage|Triage]]" is a real word with a completely different meaning and unrelated etymology.
</blockquote>

;trollin' stupid

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Very stupid, in a manner pertaining to trolling.

<blockquote>''Because that's what you deserve, you God damn womanizing raping... '''trollin' stupid''' pickle suited... nigger!''<ref>[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris seems to have coined this phrase for his [[CWC "Boyfriend"|"Boyfriend"]] lyrics with "trollin'" serving as an intensifier along the lines of "fucking."
</blockquote>

;true and honest

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' something [[Honest content|honest]].

<blockquote>''I like sharing my honest feelings with other people because they're good feelings, most of the time. And more importantly they are '''true and honest''' feelings. SO THERE.''<ref>[[For Chris]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris first used the adjective with reference to his love for [[PandaHalo]], and the adjective was often used by [[Liquid Chris]].
</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== U ==
|-
|

;ugly growth

<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase used by Chris to refer to his own penis negatively.

<blockquote>''"Did I not just tell you I am Seven Inches Long?! It is soo long, that I am literally able to stretch it Under my taint, and tuck it between my own ass cheeks, beyond my ass hole. With help, I can literally even shove the head of the '''Ugly Growth''' Up Mine!"''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Colin_Chat_2</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;[[Un-clit|un-clit]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A piercing Chris got on his perrinium as an immitation clitoris.

<blockquote>''It is a short, steel straight piece with steel spheres, of which I refer to them as my '''un-clit'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Un-clit</ref></blockquote>

Origin: During his Tomgirl years, Chris was, and still is, very desperate to gain female body traits such as bigger breasts, wider hips, a fully functioning vagina, etc. In order to get a part of the work done, Chris got a piercing on his taint as a sort of pseudo-clitoris, showing more of Chris's limited knowledge of female anatomy. </blockquote>

;uncouth
[[File:Uncouth Twat.png|thumb|Most uncouth!]]
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' unlikeable, lacking good manners.

<blockquote>''And, by the way, among which, You give the Males a Most Terrible and Horrible Name in your behavior. Most '''Uncouth'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Colin_Chat_1</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''Trump is most Immature, '''Uncouth''', and Not Valid to be president.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Misc_E-mails#Anti-Pmurt</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I felt it appropriate to change my profile photo back to the filtered one for what happened in France the while back with due respect of the continuing of Trump's most drastic and '''uncouth''' actions in office.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/January_2017_Facebook_Posts</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''You, sir, are '''Uncouth'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/2017_tweets#Trump.2C_you_mocked_the_mentally-challenged</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''All of you are nothing but immature, borish, '''uncouth''', and damned Neanderthals.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonic_Boom_Protests#Chris_Rages_On</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''Not Sexual Fantasy; Friendships, You '''Uncouth''' Cad. Hmpf!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/August_2017_tweets#Unleashing_his_inner_Brit</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''And as it Had been My fault on that #NationalGirlfriendTweet that started the whole mess, that was Why I chose whole-heartedly to Harass Me instead of Doopie or Anyone Else who was being harassed with the mis-content from Years Ago from me taken Out Of Context, Mind you, because Harassing Anyone at Anyone else’s Expense is Just Plain Wrong, Bullying, and '''Uncouth'''!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2017_tweets</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote> ''And it was ignored by you that Talulah Bankhead coined the term for Tabitha, you '''Uncouth''' Twat.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/August_2017_tweets#Tabitha_addresses_CWC_flame_war</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I agree it is shameful of these people to have accounts just to haze at me and all others, Soo '''uncouth'''.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/NightStar2891_tweets#Twitter_spam_for_Tabitha</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I miss Jessica. You Trolls Scared Her Off by either Hacking or Reporting her Facebook. You '''Uncouth''' Cads!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Jessica_Quinn</ref></blockquote>

Origin: As demonstrated, Chris uses this word way more than any 21st-century [[American]] would. It is often speculated that Chris picked up this word from an ''MLP'' episode, where Applebloom and Applejack are talking about what the word "uncouth" means.<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-SrQ-Oz1k4</ref> Seeing how this conversation alone is somehow a staple in the Brony subculture, and how Chris is one of those Bronies who sees more [[Night_Star#Chris_spills_the_beans|meaning]] in the show than it actually possesses, Chris likely picked up this term due to how foreign and smart it sounded to him.

Chris is also notorious for his use of British English whenever he tries to make it seem he knows what he's talking about. So it is also fairly likely Chris may have adapted this word solely because he thinks British English words will make him sound smarter.
</blockquote>

;[[UNGA-WUNGA]]
<blockquote>1. ''(interjection)'' A sexual chant from the [[Cherokian Clan]].
<blockquote>''There is no quote to directly cite the use of this CWC-ism. This CWC-ism was used in one of Chris's art pieces appropriately named "UNGA-WUNGA"''</blockquote>
Origin: Comes from a horrifying art piece Chris drew of himself banging [[Jackie]] against a tree while a group of Cherokians masturbate to their orgy.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Unga_Wunga_Time.jpg</ref> As for the questionably racist phrase itself, Chris simply stated that it was "just a random phrase I randomly picked for the natives to chant as they jerked off."<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Jackie_E-mails_11</ref></blockquote>

;unto
<blockquote>1. ''(preposition)'' Archaic or poetic form of the word "to".

<blockquote>''Now that it has been made fully clear to me, I am now able to devote myself fully '''unto''' you, Julie.''<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 7]]</ref></blockquote>
<blockquote>''I am very devastated, due to my SHATTERED HEART that [[Mary Lee Walsh|XXXXX]] caused '''unto''' me!''</blockquote>

Origin: Another one of Chris's autistic ways of sounding smart, possibly in imitation of the Bible. (c.f. ''[[Chris and hypocrisy|Do unto others...]]''). Chris uses this form more frequently than most English speakers of the 21st century should, even when it sounds unwieldy.
</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== V ==
|-
|
;vaginatables

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' female genitalia

<blockquote>''There is no quote to cite the use of this CWC-ism. Chris used this CWC-ism in an e-mail address "ILuvVaginatables@aol.com".''</blockquote>

Origin: A strange hybrid of the words "vagina" and "vegetables", purely for Random-Access Humor.</blockquote>

;vege-marmite

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Vegemite

<blockquote>''Certainly not a '''vege-marmite''' sanwich. Lol''<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-372</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A retarded pun made by Chris to state his distaste for veggie marmite. Coincidentally, vegemite is essentially marmite, yeast extract from brewing beer turned into a pungent, salty paste, with vegetables and spices added in.<ref>{{w|Vegemite}}</ref></blockquote>

;vestite

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A transvestite person.

<blockquote>''"That is the difference between Trans Gender and '''Vestites'''; ID as the other sex, and dressing like it, respectively"''<ref name=Vestites/></blockquote>

Origin: In the above post, Chris intended to write the words "transgender" and "transvestite" in the same sentence without duplicating the trans suffix. He did so by adding a space between the prefix and the respective endings. It is worth mentioning that "Vestite" is a word in Latin, and simply refers to being clothed, without any connotations regarding cross-dressing.</blockquote>

;[[Virgin with Rage|virgin with rage]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An individual who is sexually frustrated

<blockquote>''Tell me why
I'm stuck as a '''virgin with rage'''!
Tell me why
I so need a cute girl my age!
Tell me why
I never wanna hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"''<ref>[[So Need a Cute Girl]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The idea of being a virgin and not having a sweetheart was something that greatly upsetted Chris. He would throw tantrums after losing a potential sweetheart, and thus missing out on an opportunity to lose his virginity.</blockquote>

;[[Virginia is for virgins]]

<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase that pushes the idea that the citizens of Virginia won't allow Chris to get a girlfriend solely due to his autism.

<blockquote>"'''VIRGINIA IS FOR VIRGINS''', NOT LOVERS!"<ref name=CurrentDays/></blockquote>

Origin: An intentional butchering of the phrase "Virginia is for Lovers". His belief that the state of Virginia is behind some kind of conspiracy to prevent him from finding true love has started since attending [[PVCC]]. While there, Chris has gotten himself putting up Attraction Signs, loitering with said signs on campus, and even creating a [[Sonichu's News Dash|newsletter series]] in order to attract potential sweethearts. Seeing how all of this violated the school's rules and policies, he was sent directly to the [[Mary Lee Walsh|Dean]] in order for her to straighten him out.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Virginia_is_for_Virgins#Origins</ref> Of course, Chris took this to be another instance of him being discriminated, solely for being autistic. This, coupled with the fact that he's already failed on several occasions to actually get to date any of his his female friends in high school, reinforced this belief. </blockquote>

;VOTES FOR WOMEN!
[[Image:Ss03.jpg|thumb|Mrs. Banks, wearing the "Votes for Women" sash that Chris so blatantly misinterpreted.]]
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase shouted in protest of pictures depicting women with penises.

<blockquote>'''''VOTES FOR WOMEN''', STEP IN TIME! VOTES FOR WOMEN, STEP IN TIME! NEVER NEED A REASON, NEVER NEED A RHYME, VOTES FOR WOMEN, STEP IN TIME!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:SchuComic8P52.jpg</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Taken from a sash Mrs. Banks, a character from [[Mary Poppins]], had worn. Chris clearly took this banner to simply refer to any kind of mistreatment towards women, rather than the fairly obvious implication that she's actually fighting for the right to vote.</blockquote>

<blockquote>''See Also'': [[CWC-isms#W|Women's Rights]]
</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== W ==
|-
|

;Walter Grisby
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A man's name often employed in acts of random-access humor.

<blockquote>''"Is this '''Walter Grisby'''? Who threw a frisbee? Well you know what? DAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!"''<ref>[[Random-access humor]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' The retconned name of the character formerly known as [[Wes Iseli]].

Origin: Unknown; thought by some to be a reference to the Cartoon Network show ''Ed, Edd n Eddy''. A character in the PC game ''The Sims 3'' goes by the name of Walter Grisby, but the game's release post-dates Chris's first uses of the term by some years.
</blockquote>

; Warroir of Love
[[Image:WarriorOfLove.jpg|thumb|300px|History's greatest warroirs.]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' an advocate for spreading love and peace.

<blockquote>''"People! You do not understand! By Not blocking the Trolls, you are Promoting Hatred; They don't always side with Love. I Am '''Warroir of Love'''."''<ref>[[https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/902236285389111297]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Misspelling of the word "warrior". Chris considers himself a "warrior of love" because he believes that he is the [[Chris and kindness|voice of kindness]]. Most likely derived from the derogatory term "Social Justice Warrior", a term used for individuals who advocate for social justice and equality.
</blockquote>

; water on the rocks
[[File:Water and Dasani.jpeg|thumb|200px|Literally a drink on the rocks.]]
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' water poured over Chris's [[magic stones]] for drinking.

<blockquote>''#DrinkWater; Filtered or Bottled, preferred; Quartz, Rose Quartz, or Amethyst optional to enjoy it '''on the rocks''' (held in place with aluminum wire).''<ref>[[March 2020 social media posts#watch anime to kill coronavirus]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''staying hydrated with more than 101.4 ounces of filtered '''water on the rocks''' within a #Glacce bottle''<ref>[[January 2021 social media posts#GFuel and meditation]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In accordance with his [[Magical thinking|New Age]] beliefs, Chris purchased a Glacce water bottle for $80+, which features a crystal display set inside. He later placed one of his [[magic stones]] into it, crudely held in by aluminum wire, and refers to drinking from the bottle as "water on the rocks."
</blockquote>

;well-breasted
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Having large breasts.

<blockquote>''And her image dawned upon me in my imagination, starting out as the '''well-breasted''' pink electric-hedgehog (Pok'emon) with the long Raichu-like tail, I drew her outfit onto her in red and Battery-Charged Blue.''<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Rosechu|CWCipedia article on Rosechu}}</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Confusion between "well-endowed" and "large-breasted".

</blockquote>

;witching hours
<blockquote> 1. ''(noun)'' The time between midnight and 4 AM that Chris cannot fall asleep during.

<blockquote>'' I know that I'm gonna be more effective with the '''witching hours''' during the night once again, whether I'm asleep or not, okay.<ref>[[Animated Everfree Message]]</ref>
</blockquote>
Origin: May have been picked up from Chris's increasing interest in the [[Magical thinking|occult]]. Generally, the phrase refers to the midnight hours, with the term being inspired by the ancient belief that supernatural events, like witches, demons, and ghosts, are at their most powerful at midnight. Chris adopted the phrase in reference to his [[Biological clock|unusual sleep schedule]].

''See Also:'' [[CWC-isms#B|biological clock]]
</blockquote>

;Woahly
<blockquote> 1. ''(interjection)'' Expression indicating surprise.
<blockquote>'' Who is it Rosey? The Stew's almost ready and I... '''Woahly'''..!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Sonichu15-2019draft-p11.png</ref>
</blockquote>
Origin: Portmanteau of "woah" and "holy... (as in the beginning of saying holy shit)," found in [[Sonichu 15]].
</blockquote>

;woman up
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' The female equivalent of manning up.

<blockquote>''Fellow autistic people! I encourage you to man and '''woman up''' [Subtitle: "It is Socializing In Real Life or Dust!"] respectively! Go out into the real world, and make real friends with full, great quality friendships! Do it now!''</blockquote>

Origin: Used in the second part of Chris’s Autism Tutorial, where he insultingly attempts to rally up all autistic people (regardless of their functionality) to form proper friendships, all while missing the point of “manning up”.
</blockquote>

;[[Women's rights]] (or Women's Lib)
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' Any kind of behavior towards women that does not involve abusing them physically or mentally.

<blockquote>''Christian Weston Chandler, A Man For The Women, For the '''Women's Rights''', For the Women's Justice, For the Women's Peace.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Other_documents</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' The right for women to not be depicted with a [[CWC-isms#P|pickle]].

<blockquote>''FOR OUR '''RIGHTS AS WOMEN''' AMONG ALL PEOPLE, I WILL OVERPOWER THOSE SLANDEROUS JERKS!!!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:SchuComic8P58.jpg</ref></blockquote>

3. ''(noun)'' The act of women protesting by stripping down naked.

<blockquote>''Well, once we get our centerfolds shot and uploaded, hopefully those bastards will see and admire our beautiful lights.''</blockquote>

<blockquote>''Yeah, and if nothing else, we can still have a lot of fun trying.''</blockquote>

<blockquote>''With our lord's support in our peaceful protest, we can win this fight.''</blockquote>

<blockquote>''Victory for '''Women's Lib'''''.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:SchuComic8P51.jpg</ref>
</blockquote>

Origin: Chris's understanding of sexism is botched up beyond belief. His zeal towards the rights of women is believed to have originated from watching the 1964 Disney film, Mary Poppins. He was particularly influenced by Mrs. Banks, who has expressed distaste for unequal treatment for women in 1910 London. As to be expected, Chris missed the point of this part of her character, and instead used this in order to justify his treatment towards the women he meets. Chris also believed that the term "sexism" only applies to forms of violence against women, and not necessarily representing in a condescending manner.

</blockquote>

;wooden nickel
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Acoustic guitar.

<blockquote>''I got the idea of the challenge from him COPYING me playing Boston's "More Than A Feeling" on Guitar Hero on his old '''Wooden Nickel'''; if he wants to copy on Guitar, he may as well be challenged in a Sing-Off.''<ref>[[Katie Bay E-mails 3]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In real life, a wooden nickel is a now defunct form of currency used during the Great Depression. His use probably refers to the phrase "don't take any wooden nickels" - that is, he is calling the acoustic guitar a semi-worthless imitation of his Guitar Hero controller.
</blockquote>

;worse
<blockquote>1. ''(adverb)'' Severely; extremely, in an adverse manner

<blockquote>''IMHO, having Seinor Citizens for Parents throughout your whole life is no picnic; they are '''WORSE''' Overprotective.''<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;worst mud, muck and bodily fluids

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Mud, among [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|other disgusting things]].

<blockquote>''The DAMN Trolling-Stupids have manipulated me; smeared my once good name through the worst mud, muck, and bodily fluids.''<ref>[[June 2012 Facebook posts#Damn Michael Snyder]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: First used by Chris in a June 2012 Facebook post ranting about that damn [[Michael Snyder]]. Refers to having his good name or reputation dragged through the mud, with "bodily fluids" added in an attempt to garner sympathy.
</blockquote>

|-
|
;wrath
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Great [[Chris and anger|anger]] or rage. Considered one of the [[Chris and religion|Seven Deadly Sins]].

<blockquote>''Apparently, my, uh, heed of warning towards Vivian has gone unheard or otherwise SHE DID NOT REALIZE THE FURY OF MY '''WRATH'''''<ref>[[Sign Destruction Video]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' Strength sufficient to lift an office chair.

<blockquote>''I HAAAVE THE POWEEERRRR!!! FEEL MY '''WRATH'''!!''<ref>[[Power]]</ref></blockquote>
</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

==X==
|-
|
;X2-checking
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' Double Checking
<blockquote>''Just '''X2-checking''' if you got the drawing I left you.''<ref>[[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/twitter-8-11-2017-chris-spotted-at-bronycon.33187/page-35#post-2511049]]</ref></blockquote>
Origin: Comes from x2 meaning times two, which means double to Chris.</blockquote>

;XXX-tended
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Sexually explicit
<blockquote>''ESPECIALLY WITH ALL OF THE TRUTH BOMBS AND ROSEY ROSECHU's POST-INTERSEX-TO-FEMALE TRANSITION AND OPERATION NUDES IN THE '''XXX-TENDED''' CONTROVERSIAL VERSION OF MY BOOK NUMBER EIGHT IN 2008!''<ref>[[Jail_Letter - 20 October 2021#22 October]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>
;XXXXX
<blockquote>1. ''(noun, censorship)'' censorship of the word "bitch"
<blockquote>''Mary Lee Walsh made it illegal to distribute the News Dash; I AM VERY ANGRY AT THAT '''XXXXX'''!''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CWC%27s_Diary</ref></blockquote>
Origin: Chris's only instance of this peculiar censorship is in his [[diary]]. In it, Chris repeatedly refers to [[Mary Lee Walsh]] as an "XXXXX", clearly as a censorship of the word "bitch". Why Chris chose to replace all of the letters in the word with the capital letter "X", instead of using asterisks remains a mystery.</blockquote>

|}
{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== Y ==

</blockquote>
|-
|
;y'all should know me by now
|-
|<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' An introduction to complete strangers.

<blockquote>'''''Y'all should know me by now''', but if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, the original creator of Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, back on March 17th, 2000.''<ref name=csm/></blockquote>
Origin: His second message on YouTube, addressed to the ED trolls. He would use it several more times after this, possibly making this into his tagline. The introduction is made under the assumption that Chris is [[Chris and his Ego|already well-known]]. May have been partially derived from ''[[The Adventures of The American Rabbit]]'', where a character similarly begins a speech by saying, "You all know me."
</blockquote>

</blockquote>

;yea and merrily
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase used to open videos where Chris is feeling [[Messiah complex|messianic]].

<blockquote>'''''Yea and merrily''' to everyone. Welcome to this.''<ref>[[Jesus Christ Chan Sonichu Prime Resurrected and Returned]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''Hey everybody! '''Yea and merrily'''.''<ref>[[Simple Existential Q&A]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A stupid play on "yea, verily", an antiquated phrase meaning "yes, truly", often assumed to have been said by Jesus in the {{w|King James Version}} of the Bible. Although the word "verily" is often used by Jesus in the King James Version, the phrase "yea, verily" never actually appears anywhere in the King James Bible. It does, however, appear in the {{w|Book of Mormon}}.
</blockquote>

;You don't rape a hamster!
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase condeming the raping of women kept as sex slaves, but apologizing for acussing someone of doing so.

<blockquote> ''It was just like you know...he had to—he had those four Rosechus in his basement. Kept 'em in cages. Treated them like hamsters. Ham—giant hamster wheel. Water bottle. Food pellets. No rape. Just hamsters. '''You don't rape a hamster!'''''<ref>[[I am Alive]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used in the video [[I am Alive]], where Chris dispels "rumors" that were being propogated by trolls who were vandalizing the CWCipedia. In the video, he apologizes to [[Alec Benson Leary]] for misunderstandings about [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6|acussing him of keeping women in his basement]], comparing them to hamsters.</blockquote>

;young at heart

<blockquote>1. ''(noun, attributive)'' An individual with childlike characteristics; a childish person.

<blockquote>''Hello Nintendo! Welcome to my Animal Crossing for Nintendo GameCube. I am your host. My name is Christian Weston Chandler. I live in Ruckersville, Virginia and I is [sic] 21 years old and I play because I am '''young at heart'''. So anyway we are going to take a tour of my ci-ty...in Animal Crossing.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Animal_Crossing_Documentary</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I am '''Young at Heart'''; a concept I have kept within myself since childhood.''<ref>[[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/twitter-8-27-chris-wants-everyone-to-be-a-manchild-like-him.33726/]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''We, the '''Young at heart''' stand alongside our Liked and Cared others.''<ref>[[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/twitter-8-27-chris-wants-everyone-to-be-a-manchild-like-him.33726/]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris more often than not advertises his childish nature as him being "young at heart", as if this was a more positive quality of himself, even going as far as using this as a reason for girls to fall in love with him in his attraction signs <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Attraction_Sign</ref>. This is because Chris can't tell the difference between being a child at heart, and being childish. In his mind, people who are considered "childish" actually lead a happier and more exciting life, since he believes that childlike people are more willing to show off their [[kindness]] and are generally more eccentric. In reality, adults who are "young at heart" generally have a somewhat innocent outlook of life and are generally interested in things considered suitable for children, yet understand their responsibilities as adults, something which Chris has failed to do since graduating [[High School]].
</blockquote>
|}
{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== Z ==
|-
|

;zap to the extreme
[[Image:ZapToTheExtreme.png|thumb|200px]]
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' Go out and be brave.

<blockquote>''Go! Sonichu! Go out and '''zap to the extreme'''!''<ref>[[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote> ''Now everyone stay green and go out and '''zap to the extr-r-r-r-r-eme'''. Have a lovely day.''<ref>[[A New, Fun Trick]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: This phrase is first used on the cover of [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], where Chris's self-insert tells Sonichu to "zap to the extreme" as if Chris and Sonichu were in a bona fide [[Pokémon]] tournament. Chris would then end up using this phrase time and again, usually completely out of context of its original meaning.
</blockquote>

;zapbud
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A fictitious flower found in the ''Sonichu'' canon; Rosechu's favorite flower.

<blockquote>''Oh, Rosechu, you are as beautiful as a rose, though a '''Zapbud''' is the flower that heals your woes.''<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Sonichu%27s_Ode_to_Rosechu</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Essentially the result of Chris attempting to create a mythology around his ''Sonichu'' comics, Chris created some of his own flora as well. Because of how "zapping" was a very common theme in the earlier issues of ''Sonichu'', Chris thought about naming his flora after this one theme. The term has ironically become popular with trolls and enablers, where they name made-up characters and places after it.</blockquote>

<blockquote>2. ''(noun)'' a [[CWC-isms#S|sweetheart]].

<blockquote>''Yes, my blossoming '''zapbud'''. That's why we are here.''<ref>[[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In this context, the term is used the same way a female lover may be compared to a flower. This was clearly an attempt to make the flora have a greater significance by making it sound like something beautiful.
</blockquote>

;zombie-like

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' To be riddled with dementia.

<blockquote>''Also, Barb is literally a Zombie-Like Living Body with little remaining of Barbara (her Soul) within her anymore; that living body is Running on Fumes at this point. She CAN NOT Drive anymore, regardless of Van loss; she has the fridgid mental activity and physical ability like a scared deer in headlights nearly ALL the time since even before June, 2021.<ref>[[Jail Letter - 29 July 2022]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used in a [[Jail Letter - 29 July 2022|Jail Letter]] where Chris seems to imply that during his affair with his mother, she might have been declining mentally.
</blockquote>

|}

==References==

<references/>

==Navigation==

{{CWC-isms}}
{{Lists}}
[[Category:CWC-isms]]

LadyOfTheCosmo

2024-09-27T21:31:13Z

Got2Hands:

{{quote|In the name of Honestly, Love and Kindness, I will defend myself and punish you, only if I feel need to. Don't make me feel need to.|Chris to Lady.}}

{{quote|You have no heart, and no life so that you feel the need to harass women on the internet. Yeah, your life was completely wasted.|Lady to Chris.}}

{{infobox
|title = LadyOfTheCosmo
|image = [[File:LadyOfTheCosmo.jpg|250px]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = n/a
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = TheLady LadyOfTheCosmo
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = 1 March 1995 (age {{Age|1995|3|1}})
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Female
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = [[United States|American]]
|header7 = Twitter
|data7 = [http://twitter.com/LadyOfTheCosmo @LadyOfTheCosmo]
}}

'''LadyOfTheCosmo''' (nicknamed "'''Lady'''") is a close friend of several [[Planet Dolan]] members, including [[DoopieDoOver|Doopie]] and Hellbent. Fully aware of Chris's antics before and during the Doopie fiasco, she chastised him after he tweeted at her on 25 August 2017, in what has probably been Chris's biggest dose of [[reality]] since the [[Father Call]]. Later, Chris unfollowed her, and she blocked him.

== Twitter ==

Chris met Lady on 25 August 2017, responding to a tweet about how she's tired and is about to go to sleep.

{{quoteboxpurple|Okay, officially good night y'all, I'm so tired from the all nighter I did. I'll see you on the flipside, cheers to a good sleep!}}

To which Chris responded with this tweet:

{{quotebox|Rest comfy and easy, dear!}}

This provoked a response from her, calling Chris out for his use of the word "dear":

{{quoteboxpurple|Pardon me, I will not allow you address me as "dear"

I'm not your "dear" & none of these other girls & artists involved with PD are either}}

Chris responded, with an image of a letter he wrote:

{{quotebox|I apologize, but I meant the term neutrally, and I never meant anything from that.}}

{{quotebox|And One More thing, [[Chris and remorse|Darling]]!... Talluah Bankhead would be Insulted with your response to the term's neutral usage. Hmpf!

[[File:OpenLetter.jpg|250px]]}}

{{collapsible
|Transcript|

Open Letter:

Something that grinds my gears is how people are Not accepting of the neutral terms "darling" or "dear". I use one or the other as a neutral addressing, inlieu of the various online nicknames, or actual names in general, when that detail is unknown, or when the other person is too distant to trust me, yet, on addressing them by their name. I Swear, if Tallulah Bankhead were alive today, she would never put up with such disrespectful responses. That is all for now, "Dahling."

Hmpf!

Christine W. Chandler}}

He later shared this in a different tweet:

{{quotebox|I can use "Dear" and "Darling" Neutrally as Miss Talluah Bankhead before us. It's your disrespectful responses to my usage that irks me.}}

Lady replied to Chris's letter with screenshots of dictionary definitions of "dear" and "darling:

{{quoteboxpurple|Those are not neutral words, and you know what? Two can play at that game, letter writing to try and get an easy way out. Look at this}}

{{quoteboxpurple|THESE ARE NOT NEUTRAL, you need someone to get that through your skull. You're not sorry, you're not sorry for the women you've horrified!}}

Chris angrily responded with a wall of 10 tweets.

{{quotebox|Writing a short letter on the topic saves me multiple tweets; it was not an easy out, as I was not looking for an outlet to try to share my thoughts on the subject and put an ease on it. I Care about a lot of people, and I like a lot of people; I do [[Megan|not]] [[Wallflower|harass]] others, and I certainly never intended to horrify anyone. I have a good and kind heart and soul, and I Have <s>felt about all I have</s> **Felt Bad about the people I have mistakenly hurt before, including the theoretical online exes of mine who turned out to be false.

You are behaving like you do not understand how it feels to have been Trolled, Harassed and Bullied by the [[4-cent_garbage.com|4Chan Losers]], among which, over [[Chris and copyright|creating something]] that you've put all of your heart and Love into. And Sonichu and Rosechu, and the others there, are amongst those closest to my heart, my mother being the Closest! And those who have proved their sincere kindness to me also have a place in my heart and soul. Why must you act and (appear to be siding with the) hate(rs), and leave the terms as neutral? In the name of Honestly, Love and Kindness, I will defend myself and [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|punish you]], only if I feel need to.

Don't make me feel need to.}}

Lady responded to three separate tweets of his, sparking a tweet war between the two.

{{quoteboxpurple|Tell me now, do those even look like "neutral" words? Those are words of endearment, only my hubby uses those for me and him alone}}

{{quoteboxpurple|Can i say that's a hell lotta bullshit falling out of your mouth right now, what ass did you stick your head up? Clearly your own}}

{{quoteboxpurple|There's a big difference between haters and the ones who serve sweet justice towards hooligans like you. You have NO heart}}

{{quotebox|I am not a hooligan, and [[Chris and kindness|I Do have heart!]]}}

{{quoteboxpurple|If you did, you wouldn't even have the nerve to harass Doopie. You're selfish, and it's filled your heart with fatty layers of greed}}

{{quotebox|I did not mean to harass her; my intentions were misunderstood, albeit I was impulsive, and I had apologized and repented for that.}}

{{quoteboxpurple|Misunderstood?! You really aren't getting the point here kid, your intentions were clear right from the start. There's no hiding}}

{{quotebox|[[Chris and his Ego|I am not selfish.]]}}

{{quoteboxpurple|Then you would've been respective towards her, but no, you just had to keep going}}

{{quotebox|I meant to be respective, but obviously, I said the wrong things in grave error.}}

{{quoteboxpurple|Obviously?! You've fucked up bad, and none of us feel any pity for you}}

{{quotebox|I don't need this kind of misunderstood pity; I never was in any of this for infamy or fame! I will keep defending myself and showing you...}}

{{quoteboxpurple|Showing me what? What a horrible person you really are past your painted smile. I see past your façade, your actions reflect who you are}}

{{quotebox|...the Sincere Kind person that I Am! I have lots of music and love in my heart and soul! I will not be silenced.}}

{{quotebox|I had No facade. My smile is Genuine; Not Painted.}}

{{quoteboxpurple|You can say what you want Christopher asshat, your actions make you who you are, if you cared you wouldn't continue what you're doing}}

{{quotebox|I grow tired and weary from this dispute that You will not accept, open your heart, and Just Move Forward and On, Dear Darling.}}

{{quotebox|[[Crash into slumber|Good Night.]]}}

{{quoteboxpurple|We're tired and weary because of you! I've tried and tried to help you to understand. I'm trying to be kind and patient despite your actions}}

{{quotebox|Then why did you speak ill against me if you were meaning to help? Kindness is appreciated; not hurtful tongue.}}

{{quoteboxpurple|I'm only doing it so you can see why we see you using these terms are non-neutral. For their definitions mean something completely different}}

{{quotebox|Did you not realize that I was addressing the terms to [[Sweetheart|people I liked]]. Perhaps you've used a similar term to address another woman you liked}}

{{quoteboxpurple|"Like" you say too much bullshit. More like wanted to get up in our business old man}}

{{quoteboxpurple|I would never, especially to someone who's random on the internet.}}

{{quotebox|I may be [[random-access humor|modnar]], but I try not to be offensive, and if I do, then I am sorry. I can not please Everyone.}}

{{quoteboxpurple|You don't try not to be offensive, you love it. You love every second your offending women. If you wanted to be a women, youd respect them}}

{{quoteboxpurple|Hide all you want Christopher, you can't run from this.}}

A branch of the thread reads:

{{quotebox|You could do with dispelling the hatred and actually getting to know the people you speak against.}}

{{quoteboxpurple|I already know enough from you, everyone here knows what you've done to get yourself in this mess. I know it, these people know it}}

{{quotebox|I do not deny the mistakes I have made, and with that one tweet, my heart Was in the right place. To know me based on what the haters...}}

{{quotebox|...and trolls have spewed online is to not know me as the person that I actually am: Sincere, Kind, and Open-Hearted.}}

{{quoteboxpurple|Keep going, you're just digging yourself deeper into the mess you made for yourself.}}

{{quotebox|I'll keep digging until when people like you actually understand me and stop being so closed-hearted. [[Lovequest|Love Is Love! And I stand in its name!]]}}

{{quoteboxpurple|Love doesn't have room for harassment. I don't know what world you're living in, but you need a serious reality check to hit you in the face}}

{{quotebox|Takes one who really needs the Dream Check to recognize when someone needs a Reality Check.}}

===Fan responses===

An onlooker asked if Lady knew about Chris's history of homophobia and racism. Chris later replied, stating that he had "Matured".

{{quoteboxyellow|Remember back in the past when Chris Chan used to say he hated [[Homos|gay people]]?}}

{{quoteboxpurple|Yeah, I've heard something like that from the long history of [[26 December 2014|Chris the Harasser]]}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Not only that, but I believe there were [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|a few moments recorded]] where he actually said the [[Niggos|n-word]] some times.}}

{{quotebox|I do not hate gay people; in fact, I actually have hugged a few men recently too. I Have Matured.}}

{{quoteboxpurple|HAHAHAHAHAHA IM CRYING

That is rich, matured? You? Ha! Don't make me a bigger fool of yourself}}

The same commenter presumably insulted Chris's age in a deleted tweet. Chris proceeded to bring up the names of his favorite voice actors, and claimed to be a "library of wisdom".

{{quotebox|I may be old, but guess who else is older that y'all like; Betty White, Seth MacFarline, even Cathy W (Not saying exactly).}}

{{quoteboxpurple|I don't know any of those, they're ancient history Chris, just like you}}

{{quotebox|Then you do not watch a lot of television or YouTube, because they are all still famous.}}

{{quotebox|#HotInCleveland, #FamilyGuy, #MyLittlePony}}

{{quotebox|I may be getting on in years, but I am a [[Honor Roll|library of wisdom]], and I have energy to love and live!}}

{{quoteboxpurple|You have no heart, and no life so that you feel the need to harass women on the internet. Yeah, your life was completely wasted}}

{{quotebox|I Have Heart! I Have Life! [[lie|I do not harass people!]] [[obesity|I am not a waste of space.]] I Am Done With You now! Hope you have a nightmare tonight.}}

{{quotebox|Now, I am officially done for tonight. Goodnight.}}

{{quoteboxpurple|You should be done for good. Enough of your damn bullshit Chris, go to hell you bastard}}

{{quoteboxpurple|I hope you go to hell and have to suffer through this again and again and again}}

Another fan advised Chris to leave Lady alone. Lady replied, using male pronouns, to which Chris responded with "I am Woman".

{{quoteboxyellow|Just leave her alone Chris, you can't win.}}

{{quoteboxpurple|He can kick and fight all he wants, but he knows he's already lost}}

{{quotebox|Wrong Pronoun! [[Tomgirl|I Am Woman]], and I will kindly ask you to please address me as such.}}

A third commented:

{{quoteboxyellow|@LadyOfTheCosmo I am so sorry this has happened to you.}}

{{quoteboxpurple|Thank you for your concern for me, I'll be alright, I'm more so worried for the women artists and Voice Actors of PD like Doopie}}

A fourth said:

{{quoteboxyellow|Dont Listen To Her Miss Christine! If you wanna talk like a 90 year old grandma that calls everyone "dear" or "darling", that's your right!}}

{{quoteboxpurple|Stay outta this, you don't know squat about what he's done}}

A fifth pointed out how Chris doesn't respond to [[jerks]]:

{{quoteboxyellow|Anyone else noticed that Chris very, very rarely responds to any male's account? Check his History. It's been creeperstalking all the way.}}

{{quoteboxpurple|There you have it, proof}}

===Aftermath===

Lady later posted a tweet saying:

{{quoteboxpurple|Hmph, people will never learn}}

{{quoteboxyellow|I know, right? Not sure what it takes to get through to some people. Sorry you had to go through that.}}

{{quoteboxpurple|It's alright, I'm gonna be a-okay! :)

Someone needs to [[Kick the Autistic|give that guy a beating once and a while]] to show his [[Fangs|darker side]]}}

{{quoteboxyellow|That's good. I can agree with that. Let's hope it helped. I hope you have a more peaceful rest of the evening/day.}}

Additionally, a fan made a suggestion:

{{quoteboxyellow|@LadyOfTheCosmo Have you considered commissioning being referred to by terms like "darling" and "dear?" I think one person will pay it.}}

{{quoteboxpurple|I'm kinda tempted to. He won't ever be able to pay it with his allowance from his poor mother}}

{{quoteboxyellow|He supposedly gets [[Tugboat|monthly disability social security above $1000]] just for existing. [[Chris and money|It either goes to you, Legos, or debt collectors.]]}}

Later, Chris unfollowed Lady. She decided to block him.

{{quoteboxpurple|Good riddance that bastard unfollowed me. I couldn't stand him trying to drive himself up my ass}}

{{quoteboxyellow|He'll be back. He always does.}}

{{quoteboxpurple|Nah, I blocked him}}

She also decided to explain her apparent [[A-Log]]ging in her final few tweets to Chris.

{{quoteboxpurple|Just so y'all know when I have snapped when angry, is when I start cussing. So I've been calmly arguing until just the last few tweets}}

{{quoteboxyellow|Damn! Who pissed off The Lady?! Who I gotta stab gurl?}}

{{quoteboxpurple|No one, for he past hour and a half or so, me and my team of justice have been getting at this [[pedofork|pedophile]] for attacking Doopie}}

=== Night Star ===

After Chris had experienced quite enough [[Chris and stress|stress]] for one day, he decided to use his [[NightStar2891|Twitter sockpuppet]] to white knight himself once again. This is despite his having revealed that Night Star was controlled by him a week ago.

{{quoteboxred|@CWCSonichu Y'all know what? Here is an example y'all Should Follow...}}

He then talked to himself using both his accounts in a bizarre series of tweets, calling himself "dear" and "darling" in the process.

{{quoteboxred|@CWCSonichu I've heard you've been having a tough time with some haters. You don't deserve that, darling.}}

{{quotebox|Thank you, dear. I am relieved to hear your kindness. And with hearing the kind term, I feel grateful that at least you like me.}}

{{quoteboxred|That is so kind of you. And I can tell you like me too. And I know you mean that neutrally, and you would never do anything to harass me.}}

{{quotebox|Of course, dear. I never mean to harass anyone; I am just misunderstood by some people. Ugh.}}

Chris attempted to justify this later.

{{quotebox|I was showing an Example of how the terms should be accepted; I was aware of me talking with myself, but to Prove The Point, People!}}

Lady was later alerted to the existence of the account by a fan.

{{quoteboxyellow|have to at least mention it, hope you know about his sockpuppet account too (hope you're okay from even more of that btw)}}

{{quoteboxpurple|Do you know what it's called?}}

{{quoteboxyellow|@NightStar2891 , it even has his confession after everyone called him out on his bluff}}

{{quoteboxpurple|I thought that account looked fishy. Also, look on it, there's replies to himself XD}}

{{quoteboxyellow|lol I know, he was trying to white Knight himself at first but his grammar & capitalization gave it away}}

{{quoteboxpurple|Haha, this is so sad, he's depending on himself for support by using another's account. What a psycho}}

{{quoteboxyellow|welp, that's what we've know him as. Trying to find anything to make him look good but in the end: backfires}}

==Kiwi Farms==

On 26 August 2017, Lady created an account on [[Kiwi Farms]]. After some of the forum's members had started to criticize her behavior, she posted messages explaining her intentions:

{{quoteboxpurple|Hello, I know some of you may think I'm bad, I don't blame you. It's your honest opinion here and you have every right to say you don't like things about me and what I do, just like I had every right to tell Chris that I'm uncomfortable with his supposedly free use of "dear" and "darling" for me. I rightfully told him that I didn't appreciate him calling me that as nicely as I could, but he remained persistent by saying that I should be okay with it by backing it up with his ramblings of it being out of love and kindness, and that I was being bad for saying I didn't accept him calling me such. You can either understand what I'm trying to say or you can be against me, or think both me and Chris are in the wrong. Or you can see that I simply warned him to not do it again, a son I had said clearly in my first reply to his use of "dear" in the sentence. I was disturbed by him using it because a man doesn't use that for a woman out of no where, who's just a complete stranger to him on the internet. I didn't block him because I was hoping he'd understand and the fact he just liked the things I made. I then went back on that and blocked him because of his clear refusal to consider what I've said, by using his sock account to reassure himself that I was wrong to think it was disturbing. That was decided by Chris to not listen to my reasonings, and therefore he is no longer my problem now, what he does in the future will certainly not involve me any further with his meandering about the internet. His childish fits won't be ignored, but they won't be listened to either. He will only care about what he believes is right and everyone who disagrees is wrong and a bad person. I'm sorry you all had to see the angry side of me, I understand if you think I'm just as bad as Chris, I only wish for women to feel it's okay to be on social networks without being paranoid that a man will be waiting to start harassing them around every corner of the internet.}}

{{quoteboxpurple|I understand that, I just get worked up really easily and I start to go all over the place, that's just me being me. I overreact a lot, and I can admit that it's one of my many flaws besides my short temper that gets out of control. That has been a personal issue I let get out of control when I take things to heart, sorry, forgive me please for my actions. I only wished for him to just say "okay I'll stop calling you dear or darling." He continued on and that made me upset. I'm sorry once again for acting so foolishly}}

==Followed again==

On 3 September 2017, Chris announced on Twitter that he had unblocked all the "trolls". This included refollowing LadyOfTheCosmo's account.

{{quoteboxpurple|@CWCSonichu Why are you following me again? I thought you unfollowed me for a reason that we both know}}

{{quotebox|Call it an impulse, since I've just unblocked everyone on my list; since I have forgiven you of the insults; since I like your style. 🌸}}

{{quoteboxpurple|My.... style?}}

{{quotebox|We're cool. Stay safe with peace. 🌸😊}}

{{quoteboxpurple|The only thing we shared was a fight. There were no smiles that day, nor respect for a single word I said. So there was no "peace"}}

{{quotebox|You've misread that comment: I shared the smiles and respect with the other people who were sassy and fun. And I respect you too.}}

{{quoteboxpurple|Chris, if you respected me, you would've heeded my words and wouldn't have made me nearly burst a vein from a major headache over a week ago}}

==See also==
*[[DoopieDoOver]]
*[[Planet Dolan]]

{{Template:People}}
[[Category:People]]

Father Call

2024-09-25T08:24:51Z

Got2Hands:

{{Troll}}
{{Protip|Matthew was not [[Liquid Chris]], it was in reality a minor troll who was asked to do the role.}}
[[Image:Md.PNG|thumb|Chris's drawing of <s>Guile</s> Kacey's father (from [[Sonichu Special 4]]).]]

The '''Father Call''' is a [[Phone calls|phone call]] that occurred on 4 [[November 2009]]. In this call, [[Christian Weston Chandler|Solid Chris]] spends 2 hours on the phone with '''Matthew Devoria''' (born [[1957]]), the father of his would-be [[sweetheart]] [[Kacey]], and a retired {{w|United States Marine Corps|U.S. Marine}} who served in the {{w|Gulf War}}. Chris uses the opportunity of speaking to the dad of his sweetheart by boasting of his now-legendary [[honest]]y, before flimsily attempting to defend himself from an angry father.

Their conversation is illuminating. What follows is probably the bluntest personal assessment Chris has ever received to date: Matt berates Chris for his [[Monthly tugboat|laziness]], [[Chris and his ego|egotism]], [[Chris and kindness|lack of empathy]], [[Chris and reality|inability to grow up]], [[Chris and health|unhealthy lifestyle]], [[obesity]], [[Women's rights|treatment of Kacey]] and general failure at life. To this day, Chris has never taken any of Matt and Kacey's advice to heart; throughout the call he retorts by saying that he leads a hard life, which includes such laborious tasks as doing menial [[chores]], [[CWC Fighter|mowing the lawn]] and ''[[Tour of Chris's House|cleaning the house]]''. He also claims to be [[I AM STRONG|strong]] and that he [[Guitar Hero|exercises]] [[Mass debating|regularly]], as well as eating healthy by going to [[McDonald's]] only once per week and shoving [[Barbara Chandler|vegetables]] [[Homos|down his throat]].

After being berated with insults for two hours (or so he says), Chris became increasingly more [[stress]]ed, frequently making insensitive statements towards Matthew. In general, Chris greatly offended Kacey and her father, causing her to rethink her relationship and go back to [[Liquid Chris]].

Chris recorded his [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5 November video]] as a follow-up to this conversation, hoping to repair his relationship with Kacey. He then had another [[Kacey and Liquid Call|phone conversation with Kacey]], which, to put it bluntly, ended equally as poorly.

==Summary==
* Throughout the call, ''Portal'' is occasionally heard in the background, as well as constant typing sounds every so often. A turret from the game can briefly be heard at approximately 1 hour and 20 minutes in.
* Chris [[Stress sigh|sighs]] constantly during the call – to the point where Matthew points out the constant sighing ''3 times''.
* The call begins with Chris talking to Kacey and making some rather dubious-sounding claims about his weightlifting prowess, saying he [[11042009 51 50|just got done lifting 50 pounds]] 51 times with each arm, a total of 102 reps according to Chris. Kacey doesn't bother to question Chris on the truth of these claims, and instead hands the phone over to her father, Matthew.
* Before she hands the phone over, however, Kacey claims she has to lift at least 100 pounds for her job. Chris does not question how or why a waitress would have to lift that many pounds.
* Matt starts out being fairly civil toward Chris, though it's immediately obvious that he doesn't have much respect for him. Matt begins by calling out Chris on his [[Chris and work|underwhelming employment record]], and tells him that no sane employer would take his claim of being a [[Pokémon]] Gym Leader/babysitter seriously.
* Upon being questioned as to the source of his monthly income, Chris reveals his [[autism]] and the corresponding [[monthly tugboat]]. Matt asks if any hypothetical children (or "[[Slow-in-the-minds|'tard babies]]", as he says) of Chris and Kacey would also be autistic, and while Chris denies that they would be, Matt checks with Kacey, who confirms that autism is more often than not genetic. This is the first of several times Chris lies during the call, and while Matt goes easy on him this time, he won't be so generous the next time Chris does it.
* Chris reveals his dream about God promising him a daughter named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. Not only does Matt consider the idea of God sending Chris messages to be [[Wikipedia:False Prophet|blasphemous]], but he also doesn't even like Crystal as a name and believes it's more appropriate for a [[Little Tomboy Blue|stripper]], or [[wikipedia:Cristal (wine)|an expensive brand of]] [[Alcohol|champagne]]. Chris corrects him with the pronunciation of the name to not sound like a stripper, "Chris-tul", not "Chris-tal" (he also misspells the name). Chris ignores the fact that Kacey does not like the name that much either, as Matthew points out.
* After indirectly confirming to Matthew that he was interested primarily in Kacey [[Women's rights|for her looks]], he is questioned on why the great and powerful Liquid was impersonating him. Solid's response is to claim that Liquid was jealous of his success with ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]''. Matt is at first completely bewildered as to why Chris is spending so much time on ''Sonichu'', before using it to make the point that Chris has completely failed to move on from his teenage years. Matthew commits a potentially damaging mistake when he points out that Sega owns the rights to Sonic the Hedgehog, despite having earlier claimed not to know anything about the character, leading to him clumsily backtracking on his statement; fortunately, [[Slow-in-the-minds|Chris doesn't notice this]].
* The tone of the conversation takes a significant turn for the worse when Matt brings up the subject of [[Twin Falling Towers]], and says that he found that said video to be especially offensive since his mother (Kacey's grandmother) was one of the casualties in the World Trade Center on 11 September 2001. Chris's only response is to blame it all on [[Clyde Cash]], because [[Mumble 9.5|he was being "mean" to Chris]]; Matthew is unsurprisingly baffled as to why Chris tried "getting back" at a random guy on the internet by mockingly comparing him to the subject of one of the all-time biggest American tragedies.
* Chris tries to elicit sympathy by claiming to have undergone "war-like tribulations" in his life. Matt tells Chris what war is ''actually'' like, recounting his Gulf War experiences, particularly an incident where he had to carry a dead colleague back to base. Chris retracts his statement about his problems being "war-like", but carries on whining about the hard burdens he's had to deal with, like pulling weeds, standing up to [[Guitar Hero|play guitar]], mowing the lawn, moving furniture, and burying his beloved [[Patti Chandler|dog]]. Matt is even more offended by the insinuation that this is equal to the death of his mother, and even points out his grandma with ''arthritis'' pulled weeds.
* Chris also seems to believe a dog house made of plastic and wood weighs 5 to 10 tons (10,000-20,000 pounds), and believes the doghouse would weigh more than any tombstone (which tends to weigh an average of about 80 pounds). He also tries to gain sympathy by saying Patti's doghouse was essentially a tombstone. Chris believes plastic and wood would weigh more than solid stone, retracting the previous claim to saying the doghouse weighed 100 pounds. A small dog like Patti would not need a dog house that heavy or large.
* Chris isn't discouraged by the fact that his attempts to earn sympathy aren't working, and rants semi-coherently about how the evil [[troll]]s have [[Kick the Autistic|made his life a misery]]. Not only does this self-pitying whining severely annoy Matt, Chris unwittingly digs himself a deeper hole by revealing details about the [[Ohio trip]] in the [[Julie]] saga, causing Matthew to angrily question him on why he wouldn't come to D.C. to meet Kacey if he were willing to drive +800 miles to another state to rescue a girlfriend he eventually found out didn't exist (and was really a [[BlueSpike|13-year-old boy]], to boot).
* Matt accuses Chris of acting like a child and mentions the state of [[Chris's room|his room]] as proof that he's lazy and unwilling to take responsibility, remarking Chris's plan to be a house-husband. Chris just tries to blame [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] for not helping him, hypocritically saying that Barb is lazy. Matt sarcastically comments on his lack of maturity, but Chris misses the sarcasm and thinks he's actually agreeing with him.
* In an unbelievably insensitive move even by his standards, ''Chris compares the effort that tidying his house would entail with the effort Matt spent carrying his dead colleague back to base''. Matt is rightfully ''furious'' at this comparison and gets Kacey back on the phone to tell her how full of shit Chris is. Kacey tells Chris that he needs to respect Matthew more, before handing the phone back to her father. Chris tries to say he was being respectful and Matthew treats him like a child. Kacey points out he needs to be nicer and more respectful to Matthew (not to mention, throughout the call, Chris is acting ''like'' a child, which Matt doesn't overlook). After being yelled at by Kacey, Chris "apologizes" to Matthew, with Matthew seeing past his crap.
* An off-hand remark about the library leads Matt to question Chris on his reading habits. Chris says that the last book he read was ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Matt points out that's a book generally already read by high school students, and then asks him what he learned from the novel. Chris proceeds to describe the plot of ''Of Mice and Men''. Upon having this pointed out, Chris remembers which book he's talking about and gives a ''vaguely'' correct description of the plot, but seems to have only read (or paid attention to) the first half of the story. When Matt brings up the court case (a major part of the story) and the character of Atticus Finch (who is the main character's dad), Chris seems to not know what he's talking about.
* Matt says that Kacey reads books like Chris stuffs candy down his throat. Chris ''completely'' misses the point of that comparison, and angrily claims he has a healthy lifestyle. Matthew thoroughly mocks Chris's lack of basic comprehension skills and challenges him to produce a video of himself exercising in order to prove his obviously false claims of being healthy.
* Returning to the subject of Crystal, Matthew asks Chris how he intends to support himself, Kacey, and a child on his tugboat and a minimum-wage job. Chris tries to claim that $8/hour is plenty for a family of three, to which Matt points out that not only is that amount of money nowhere near enough, the minimum wage is actually $7.25/hour. Chris takes a sneering tone during this debate, only serving to piss Matt off even more, and causing Kacey to again tell Chris to respect Matthew. By this point, Kacey is getting pissed off with Chris's disrespect and clear failure to listen to her and her father's advice.
* Matthew again questions Chris on his lifestyle and asks him to take his pulse. Chris discovers his pulse to be 84 per minute; Kacey overhears this and tells Chris that with his history of heart trouble and unhealthy eating, such a pulse indicates a serious problem. Chris doesn't seem at all bothered by him possibly risking death, which really annoys Kacey and causes her to storm off.
* Chris bizarrely attempts to make himself look better by boasting that he's American-born and bred, and has never even left the country, somehow thinking this will impress a man who fought in Iraq. Matt points out that not only is this irrelevant since Kacey and Liquid Chris are also American, but true patriots also wouldn't make videos mocking national tragedies.
* Matt decides to test Chris's memory and asks him various details about Kacey; Chris gets her favorite color vaguely right, has no idea what her favorite flower is, and takes forever to remember which of her family members died on 9/11 (which should've been easy for Chris because Matt told him ''earlier in the conversation''). Matt tells Chris that he must be [[naïve]] to think he would have any chance with Kacey; Chris gets ''really'' annoyed by Matthew's usage of [[Niggos|the dreaded "N" word]] and actually implies that he would try to kick Matthew's ass were they in the same room. At least, until Matthew reminds him [[Kick the Autistic|which of the two was formerly in the USMC]], causing Chris to quickly backtrack on his threats.
* Out of nowhere, Chris suddenly brings up his experience of being restrained by his [[Bruce Johnson|elementary school principal]] and teachers. This is probably yet another attempt to gain sympathy, but Matthew just considers it more evidence that Chris has serious problems, and points out how hypocritical it is for him to accuse Liquid of being the crazy one.
* Matt brings up Chris's first meeting with Kacey (and her sister), and accuses him of acting in an inappropriate "touchy-feely" manner, which Chris just flat-out denies being true. This leads to Matthew questioning Chris on where he would take Kacey on a date, and in turn how much he would tip the server. Chris's response indicates that he believes the "15% rule" [[Autism|to be a cast-iron rule]], rather than just a rough guideline for tipping.
* Chris abruptly tries weaseling his way out of the call, partly because of how late at night it is, but also because he thinks Matthew is being disrespectful to ''him''. After some back and forth regarding Kacey, the future of Chris's relationship to her, her song dedication video, and Chris's [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey|own version of the song]], Matthew snidely congratulates Chris on getting Kacey and Liquid back together.
* Kacey comes back one last time and rails at Chris for being disrespectful and generally full of shit, as Matthew attempts to hold back laughter. She mentions Chris failing to make her a comic (presumably what would become the [[Sonichu Special 4|Gun Comic]]) and instead making her a ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' level. Kacey reveals Chris asked her for her phone number, which she refused to give him until her parents trusted him – Chris claims he would have come to her if he knew where she was – despite earlier in the call implying after Julie, he would not travel to see any girlfriends. During this, she compares him to Liquid, who she says would've driven to see her soon as he knew she was upset (Chris didn't bother during the call to ask how she was when talking to Matthew). Chris doesn't give a clear answer to any of her accusations, resulting in her storming out of the call for good. The tape runs out before the call actually ends, but it's clear by now that Chris has fucked up big time.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Father Call
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Jhp5WyvPWNI}}
| Stardate = 4 November 2009
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = {{Liquid}} Liquid Saga
| previous = [[Kacey Call 24]]
| next = [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]
}} </center>

===Matthew Makes the Scene (0:00-4:26)===
'''Chris:''' Hello?

'''Kacey:''' Hey, Chris, it's Kacey!

'''Chris:''' Hi, Kacey, how are you?

'''Kacey:''' Um, I'm cool, um, I'm over at my parents' house, cause, um, they wanted to call [''Chris speaks over her''] 'cause they saw some of your videos and I gave them the letter.

'''Chris:''' Okay, all right. Actually, I'm uploading a [[11042009 51 50|video]] now, I did fif--I did 51 reps with, uh, 50-pound weights… well, not really weights, but as much as they are...

'''Kacey:''' You did 51 reps or 51 times? 'Cause reps are different.

'''Chris:''' You know, li… you know, lifted them up, 51 times, lifted them up with each arm. 51 times--arm, so it's a total of 102.

'''Kacey:''' Hmm. [''pause''] Well, at--was--was it hard?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it was hard, but… it was a show of strength anyway.

'''Kacey:''' Um, that's funny, 'cause I have to lift, like… 100 and more pounds for my job--I, but, um, let me go ahead and get my dad for you, because he wants to talk to you.

'''Chris:''' Alright, by the way what's his name? [''pause''] Mokay.

'''Kacey:''' I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, uh, it's Matthew.

'''Chris:''' Oh, Matthew, okay.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. [''stifles a chuckle'']

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Kacey:''' Alright, well gu--just give me a minute.

'''Chris:''' Okay. [''long pause and typing noises'']

'''Matthew:''' Hello, Chris. This is ''Matthew'', Kacey's father.

'''Chris:''' Hello, si--good evening, sir, how are you?

'''Matthew:''' I'm good, thank you. How are you?

'''Chris:''' I'm da--I'm doing good.

'''Matthew:''' Good. Good. So, uh… so, I've got a couple of questions for you… well, n'I mean more than a couple. Aaai?

'''Chris:''' That's fine, that's fine, I'm happy to oblige with an answe--with an honest answer.

'''Matthew:''' Okay. [''inhales''] Well, uh, first and foremost, uh, let's see, uh… you got a job, son?

'''Chris:''' Hmm, not currently, but [[Chris's resume|I am working towards getting a job]]. I have been filling applications left and right.

'''Matthew:''' Really, really, what kinds of places, uh, what kind of skills you got?

'''Chris:''' Hmm, yeah, w--yeah, I'm looking, um--I'm applying for, like, uh--retail stores and such, uh got an application for a new CVS in [[Ruckersville]], and uh, one over at the [[Walmart]], and I had one over at [[Target]]… I have worked before, I've worked at--duh, [[Wendy's]] in di--Ruckersville for a few months… first off, I worked off as a sales representative for, uh... [[Cutco]] Cutlery.

'''Matthew:''' Right, that's--that's minimum wage stuff, uh… yi, d'you go to college or something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|I went to college]] and, uh, got a degree and a certificate in [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting and Design]].

'''Matthew:''' And you're working at… ''Target''… I mean, I know the economy's bad, but I mean… surely, you've gotta, you know, use that somehow, right? And how old are you again?

'''Chris:''' I'm 27… sir.

'''Matthew:''' You're almost ''30'' and you're working at the… ''Target''. You wanna work at Target, I should say.

'''Chris:''' Hmm… yeah, well, not really sure what kind of jobs my, uh… degree and certificate would get me, but I mean, like, you know… but I mean, if I--if I did know, then I'd certainly strike up on the job…

'''Matthew:''' You got a degree not knowing what kind of jobs you could get… in that field, and you've had it for how long? When did you graduate?

'''Chris:''' Hmm… I graduated in 2006.

'''Matthew:''' 2006, so you've had it for 3 years and you have done nothing with it… y-you haven't… you haven't had any jobs between then?

===The Pokémon Volunteer Who Lives with His Parents (4:28-11:01)===
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I had--I did--I did volunte--I have done volunteer work… uh… [''cut off'']

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't pay, though. Although, what kind? [''stutters''] Humor me.

'''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Matthew:''' Uwha--what kind of volunteer work? Humor me.

'''Chris:''' Alright, well yeah, I helped the--I helped, uh… the chil--I helped the, uh, children over at the--at the [[The GAMe PLACe|Assistant Gym Leader]] for the [[Pokémon]] [[Trading Card Game]] league, a few years back…

'''Matthew:''' P--''Pokémon''? Di--wait, that…

'''Chris:''' You know, teach them how to play, and building decks from ther-swha-what scraps they had, and uh… di--making sure they kept in order, y'know, d-d-don't get too crazy…

'''Matthew:''' And how long ago was this?

'''Chris:''' …I'm sorry, what was that?

'''Matthew:''' How long ago was this? I mean, wasn't that ''Pokémon'' thing, wasn't that back in [[1990s|the 90s]] when that was really popular? Because I think my youngest daughter used to like that, but you know, that was years ago.

'''Chris:''' It was the late 90s.

'''Matthew:''' LATE 90s.

'''Chris:''' [''stutters''] That's still going strong. Maybe I--

'''Matthew:''' If you say so.

'''Chris:''' …and I have been doing that from 1998 'till about 2008. [''pause''] So about 10 years I've been doing that.

'''Matthew:''' Right. You've been playing a children's card game for 10 years.

'''Chris:''' …yeah, but also [''stutters''], like, as you know, like, a form of babysitting.

'''Matthew:''' Babysitting… but… but doesn't babysitting usually, you know, pay? I mean, and, that doesn't sound like you're volunteering. When I think volunteering work, I think like, you know, Red Cross, that kind of thing. You know, actually going out and ''really'' helping people. Planting ''trees'', that kind of stuff.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have--I have been--I have helped people--out. You know, I, uh, helped, like, the parents mind… knowing their children were in a safe environment and I helped ensure that their children were playing and, uh, were within the safe environment and that nothing was to go wrong and, uh, and I was respected as an authoritative figure in that sense.

'''Matthew:''' Right. I'ean, [''stutters''] and… but… are you still doing this? I mean, or what are you doing right now? If you stopped, why aren't you doing this anymore? [''crinkles paper or snack bag'']

'''Chris:''' Ummm… yeah, it was kinda, um, kinda like, uh, you know, not too m--not too many were showing up, so it was like my choice on ending that, you know. But yeah, it was a sa--yeah, it was kind of a sad day for me, you know, to have to put that behind me, but, you know, we gotta move on, but anyway… but anyway, aside from that, I… I've been searching and, uh, doing [''stutters a lot''] yardwork for my family and other sorts of… heavy lifting.

'''Matthew:''' Right, right… well--aaaah, anyways, I'm done talking about, uh, ''Pokeyman'' now. I got a couple more. So, uh, what kind of place you got, you got a place of your own? Where you living at?

'''Chris:''' Yeah… I'm currently living in a [[14 Branchland Court|two-story house]] with [[Borb|my mother and my father]].

'''Matthew:''' Living with your parents, age 30. Got it. [''Chris tries to interrupt''] ''Almost'' 30, excuse me.

'''Chris:''' Well, uh, I hope that, uh, doesn't strike you in a bad thing, but it's like, uh, I just did not feel comfortable leaving the safety of my home with the, uh, for the while.

'''Matthew:''' And, uh, why is that exactly?

'''Chris:''' 'Cause I could not really, I just did not feel, you know, like I was ready for a place of my own just yet.

'''Matthew:''' You gotta leave somehow, you've gotta leave at some point. I mean, I think most of my kids will, you know, move out 18, 20… y'kn--I'm okay if they hang out while they're in college, but after that they gotta start looking for a place of their own, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah… yeah. But, you know, to--to each their own individual growth rates.

'''Matthew:''' Right, but, but uh, I just gotta ask, though… I mean, you're really serious about Kacey, are you not?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I--yes, I am serious about Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Okay so… uh-

'''Chris:''' And with her help, I feel like I could get a good start on being able to, uh, you know, shortly, in the near future, move out of my--[[Rental House|move of the house]].

'''Matthew:''' …with her help?

'''Chris:''' …and get a place of my own…

'''Matthew:''' You need her help in order to support both of you?

'''Chris:''' [''floundering''] It's more like, you know… um… ye, some details I'm not understand… I talk to my parents sometimes about that, but it's like, uh, you know… mmm… I… it's like a… whole bunch of details… you know… yeah. [''says "mmm" or audibly farts'']

'''Matthew:''' Explain, please. [''stutters''] I don't know what these details are.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, I'm still, like, uh, I would need like, you know, external influence, you know, somebody outside the house to help me feel more comfortable in moving out.

'''Matthew:''' You could, you know, people are always looking for roommates, you know, just go to any college board, you know, y-sti…

'''Chris:''' Yeah… but still, I mean, that's not…

'''Matthew:''' That's not really an excuse.

'''Chris:''' That's not something I would feel comfortable with, since, uh, I haven't been to college for a few years, you know… I keep between myself…

'''Matthew:''' So, but I mean really, okay, if you can't s-s-if you can't support my daughter, my daughter needs a man, a MAN to support her.

'''Chris:''' I am a man, sir.

===Financial Situation and Crystal the Tard Baby (11:01-18:28)===
'''Matthew:''' How serious are you about my daughter?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Matthew:''' How serious are you about my daughter? Really. If you aren't even willing to support yourself, you know, like that uh…

'''Chris:''' I am willing, I am able to support myself as well. I'm able to support myself. And I will be able to support your daughter as well.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, then t-then then why aren't you? I mean, where's the money gonna come from?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I do have, I do have a- I do have a- a [[Monthly tugboat|monthly income]]. I get, uh--

'''Matthew:''' Do you now?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I get it fro- yeah, pretty much- I get it from the government. My family is a little bit in with the government.

'''Matthew:''' S-s-so w-why do you- why do you get welfare? Mi-might I ask? Or, whatever you call it. Um…

'''Chris:''' You can call it, like, you know, a stepping-stone in the right direction of, uh, me movin- me moving out and- and all that, but seriously, though, I am very strong-willed, and I feel like, and I feel that I could, that when- that- I could- I would be able to take care of Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' You're avoiding my question. Why are you on, I think it's actually called Social Security. Why do you get it? I mean, I'm a pretty strong Republican, we don't really like that whole welfare thing. We work, and if we can't work, we go join the military. That's what I did.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I understand that. You see, I'm [[Autism|high-functionally autistic]].

'''Matthew:''' Are you now?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was diagnosed with that at a young age, and I was, I still have [''brief disconnection''] just a few years ago.

'''Matthew:''' So, ah… isn't that autism thing, it's like a, you're not, like, ''retarded'', are you?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, not really, what?

'''Matthew:''' I'm just saying, you know, that's a genetic thing, right? I don't want any, if you're really going to get with my daughter, I don't want 'tard-babies.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, autism is not genetic.

'''Matthew:''' Ah, I think I read somewhere that it was, actually. I'm pretty sure I did.

'''Chris:''' No, no, it's a myth. That's a myth.

'''Matthew:''' A myth. A myth.

'''Chris:''' Autism is not genetic. You're not gonna have, there would be no retarded grandchildren on your part. I can guar… I can promise you that.

'''Matthew:''' If you say so. If you really say so. I'm looking this stuff up right now. My Kacey, she's in medicine, she knows this stuff, she's an expert.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, like, you know, it might be also…

'''Matthew:''' Actually, hold on, she's right over here. Hey, Kacey, what do you know about autism? Is that genetic?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it's definitely genetic. It usually runs in the [[Barb|mother]]'s line but it can be in the [[Bob|father]]'s as well. But it's usually the mother's. And twins have a much higher chance.

'''Chris:''' [''In a relatively quiet sigh''] Great.

'''Kacey:''' Anything else, Dad?

'''Matthew:''' Ah… no, I think that's good, yeah, you go… What were you doing again?

'''Kacey:''' I need to go finish washing the dishes. I'll be right back, Dad.

'''Matthew:''' I think there's some cake down there, too. Go help yourself or something.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, sweet! Thanks, Dad.

'''Matthew:''' Anyways, where was I? Let's see… if you really want a kid with my Kacey, I think you'd probably be best if you adopted or something. That's a good thing, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, in my case, I would not, I do not, [[Chris and his Ego|I would not care to adopt. You see, I have a dream, I have my dream, and that dream is to give birth, to have, to share a daughter with my wife-to-be]], and her name would be [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]].

'''Matthew:''' A dream… as in, you were asleep and you saw something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Plus, in the dream, I had, like, an office job.

'''Matthew:''' An office job. Right.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' You know, I don't think, Kacey actually doesn't really like that name. You know, it's kind of a stripper name, CrySTAL, it's kinda like Cristal, that champagne…

'''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, it would not, it would not, it would not be CriSTAL, it would be CrySTULL. Does that make sense?

'''Matthew:''' It's still pretty close.

'''Chris:''' It's fairly, it does sound close, but it's not, you're not, you're just replacing the C-R-Y-S-T-L-E ''(yes, he misspelled that)'', you're replacing the L-E with an A-L.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, but even so… you said this all came to you in a dream… dreams, they don't pay the bills. It's just a dream. That's all just from your head. I had a dream once where, you know, I was flying. You don't see me doing that.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, okay, but I mean, it's like in, yeah. Flying, yeah, you're definitely not going to be able to fly on your own. Sure. But it's like, you know, when you see a dream that's actually reasonable, that you can actually picture yourself doing in the future while you're awake. You know? It's like a career thing. You know, it's like, yeah, you definitely, it's like, you know, when your child, there's a chance you could become a cowboy if you dreamed of being a cowboy. But, you know, that may not be, that may seem kind of far-fetched, if you're living in a place that's not near or in Tetsas, but if you're like, if you dreamed you want, if you want, if you dreamed you wanted to be, to become a teacher, that's more likely, that's more likely possible. You can get the degree and become a teacher.

'''Matthew:''' So? If you want to go do it, be a teacher, go to work in an office, GO WORK IN AN OFFICE! Go apply to an office. Don't dream about it, dreams do nothing for you, they don't pay the bills.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I am taking, I have been, I have been working on that, and I have been taking action on looking for good jobs. Definitely looking in office jobs.

===Prophetic Dreams and Bob Chandler (18:28-24:18)===
'''Matthew:''' You think you have some kind of powers of prophecy? That doesn't seem very, I don't know, to me it doesn't seem very Godly, you know.

'''Chris:''' No, ah, ah, ah, I'm not saying, I'm not saying that I'm a prophet. I'm not saying that. But, you know, it's definitely something that, you know, it's definitely something that I feel that God has promised to me and [[Chris and religion|I believe in God]], I go to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] every Sunday, and like, like in…

'''Matthew:''' That sounds like [[Chris and reality#Chris the Goddess|being a prophet]] to me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you do, yeah, there are prophets that are mentioned in the Bible.

'''Matthew:''' Yes, but.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not, I, but, I am not saying that I am a prophet. Not saying that.

'''Matthew:''' Son, I go to church every Sunday too, and I've never had any kind of dreams of anything telling me that something is going to happen. God doesn't do that. God doesn't tell you things like that.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you never know, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, it'll just, it depends on the people, you know? You never know it, but you know, you might actually have gotten a message in a dream that may have actually [''brief interruption''] but you might, you might not have caught on as quickly, or… and I do not mean to insult you, but, ah, yeah, right now, conflicted by, you know, retrospect, you might actually realize that could have been a message from God.

'''Matthew:''' Naaaah… if you think you see the future, that sounds like you're trying to be a prophet. That doesn't really sound religious, that just sounds like some [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|mumbo-jumbo]] to me.

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying that it is the definite future, but that it is a POSSIBLE future. And I am looking-and I am looking to make that happen.

'''Matthew:''' Well, MAKE it happen.

'''Chris:''' I am going to.

'''Matthew:''' Do it. And if it's not a message from God, you should go out, you should do it. Why don't you go- don't wait for it, it sounds like you're just sitting around waiting for it. When did you have this dream, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I pretty much, I pretty much had it when I was between seven and nine years old-

'''Matthew:''' Seven-wh-TWENTY YEARS AGO? Excuse me? And nothing has happened between then and now?

'''Chris:''' ''[floundering]'' I was definitely, like, in my [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school years]]…

'''Matthew:''' And you hold onto this dream… I mean, you're almost thirty, you're, you know… time is gonna start working against you, you know? I mean, life is short.

'''Chris:''' Yes, it is.

'''Matthew:''' And you're living with your parents. I mean, what do you do all day, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I get creative by uh, I like to [[CWC - Hand Drawn Original|draw and color]]. And uh, sometimes I like to create with my hands, you know, I [[Medallions of Fail|sculpt]]. And, uh even as far as, you know, just tinkering with, anything I like tinkering with. I even have-I am even [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|technologically smart]]. I even took a [[computer]] upgrading class where I put together a computer, a personal computer, from scratch.

'''Matthew:''' So… why aren't you working building computers or something? It sounds like something you could do.

'''Chris:''' [''ignoring this fairly good point''] Hm, yeah, it is. Hm. Well I pretty much did get started on the techno-savvy, I would say, from my father. He's a retired technical engineer, he worked for GE for a number of years, he also, uh, was in the, well he was stationed over in Korea in the Signal Corps [''pronounced "corpse"'']. He-he designed the controls for the plastic auto machines for his other achievements. So without him we would not have the plastic for, at the very least, your soda bottles.

'''Matthew:''' That's all fine and good, I mean, your father… but I'm not talking about your father, I'm talking about you.

'''Chris:''' I'm just pointing it out as hinting at my technological influence.

'''Matthew:''' But… you haven't done anything, unlike your father. That's what I'm getting here. That's not good, son. I mean, when I was 27 I already had a wife and kids, I was working 40 hours a week.

'''Chris:''' Hmm… umm… yes, well, my father didn't marry-my father did not marry the first time till he was 30 himself.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah but you know, he probably also had a job and was living on his own, and he was also in the military, like me. So I don't really care about what your father did, because that's what he did, that's not what you did.

'''Chris:''' I understand-I understand th-I understand what you're talk-I understand… talking about… and, you know, and your point.

'''Matthew:''' Right.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I make a, I am trying to make a valid point myself. I feel like that, you know, we both are definitely understanding each other.

===Kacey's Boobs and Fame (24:18-33:24)===
'''Matthew:''' Really? I must say, I'm not really impressed, but, uh, let's move on. Let's talk a little bit about what you think about my lovely daughter. What was the first thing you liked or noticed about Kacey?

'''Chris:''' I noticed her beautiful face.

'''Matthew:''' Her beautiful face.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. And her blue-green eyes are like a pair of swimming pools that I would just love to swim around and bathe myself in.

'''Matthew:''' [''extremely uncomfortable laughter'']

'''Chris:''' I am very poetic as well, just to let you know, sir.

'''Matthew:''' So the first thing you noticed was her appearance.

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting''] But also I definitely like to take note over time, over talking to her, one day that she was very smart and very fun to hang around with, and she definitely knows what she's talking about. If anything [''laughs''] she could be a little bit sm- she could be smarter than me [[Ego|on some things]].

'''Matthew:''' But still, the first thing that, uh, you noticed, was her appearance. So, were you looking for like a trophy wife or something? It's kind of funny…

'''Chris:''' [''stuttering''] The first thing I noticed about her in person, when we talked first, you know, between phone calls and e-mails, after kind of an indirect meeting there, but anyway. I actually learned first that she was smart and very delightful to talk to. And then after a while, she and I met in person, and then I got to appreciate her face. And the-the smart, charming wit behind it.

'''Matthew:''' This doesn't really add up to what Kacey told me, you know. The impressions I got from what she said about your first little… "encounter," we'll call it… she said she was a little bit… uncomfortable around you, you know? And apparently when you first talked to her, you actually were [[Kacey Phone Call|pretending to be somebody else]], actually. You know, that [[Liquid Chris|other Chris]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well he was, that was another thing. Yeah. All right, yeah.

'''Matthew:''' She didn't like that much.

'''Chris:''' My friend [[Kim]], she helped me, uh, get into that Chris's e-mail account. Before I ever learned about Kacey-

'''Matthew:''' You know, that Chris was her boyfriend at the time, you know? I mean, I've actually talked to that guy and met him in person, he's actually a pretty nice kid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but if you watch his [[YouTube]] videos he does get a little crazy. But anyway for the past few months now… he was, you know, he was pretending to be me, and a few months ago, he pretends, or I'm assuming he pretends, that he gets kidnapped and tied up, and sent to the desert. And then Kacey tells me that cops ''[incomprehensible]'' in the desert, but I'm going off track here-

'''Matthew:''' That just doesn't make any sense to me. Why would he pretend to be you? Someone like you, guy who lives with his parents.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Okay, first off, I'm Internet famous for being the original creator of the, uh… it's like a combination of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and Pikachu [''Kacey's Dad groans''], so I was the original creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. And I created him on March 17, [[2000]], and I drew the [[comic]] books… I originally started that back in 2000, and I've drawn a few books and I'm still doing some drawing, I don't like to leave an unfinished project finished. But-

'''Matthew:''' [''Has been trying to interrupt for the last 30 seconds''] Okay, so… you know, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about? I barely know what Sonic the Hedgehog and Pokémon is other than it's kids' stuff. So basically what I'm getting here is you took two kids' things and put them together, you know, two [[Chris and copyright|copyrighted]] kids' things…

'''Chris:''' But it's making up a whole new character, and my father has the knowledge with the [[copyrights]] and whatnot, and he verifies for me that I have been in the clear the whole time, from the beginning, to uh, to continue on with Sonichu being m-Sonichu and Rosechu being my original creation. And I create the original stories and everything, and the books, and I've done the [[CWCipedia]], which was originally on the CWC Sonichu site speaking of which, CWC is my name, Christian Weston Chandler. Anyway, I've been going on with that since 2000, uh-

'''Matthew:''' Which means you were 18 when you made this. You were what, a senior in high school? You were playing with kids' stuff? And that's what you've been doing for… what, you know, since then? You're 27 years old? You're playing with kids' stuff? I mean, like, little kids' stuff. I mean, like, ten-year-olds.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, it may sound like that, but in a sense, it was definitely a fad that I was, uh, enjoying, and, uh-

'''Matthew:''' But fads, they come and go.

'''Chris:''' -until when I had to like, uh, which was just a year and a half ago, I had to let that go, and I let that go a year and a half ago. But anyway, getting back to, uh…

'''Matthew:''' You said it was popular, still. But you're not making any money off it. You're just doing this while you sit around in your parents' house for no real reason, because like I said, you're not making any money off this, and you still wanna be a boyfriend.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, it is a thing I’m doing to make money off of, I could be, it is a thing that I am working on starting to make money off of, I am in talks with the com- comic book company, as well as Nintendo of America, about, uh, you know, about possibly, about the likelihood of me being able to, uh, of, uh, us getting together… making money off of this, cuz, obviously, since 2000 it became more and more popular on the, uh, Internet, and I became Internet famous and, uh, along with a bunch of the fans like that, I was, ah…

'''Matthew:''' Don’t you… don’t you need permission from both [[SEGA]], and [[Nintendo]]? I mean, is that, Sonic is from Sega, right? I mean, I know a little bit about what my daughter was… my little daughter used to talk about… I kinda know what a Sega is, I think.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I have talked to Sega as well, but anyway, getting back to, anyway, getting back to, if I may finish… yeah. Anyway, yeah, I got Internet famous, I got the fans, and then I got the naysayers which were the Internet bullies and trolls… and, uh… and uh, that Chris, and uh, Chris over there, was uh, he was one of them, and uh before, and this is, uh before I met Kacey he uh, he started pretending to be me, on the, in YouTube videos. And, uh…

'''Matthew:''' This… okay, I’m sorry, this is just getting completely ridiculous, all this Internet, I mean you just, all this Internet stuff, I don’t, I don’t know much about computers, but I mean, that’s just… this sounds like just a whole waste of time, that I don’t care about, because it doesn’t pay the bills, and it DOES NOT help support Ka- my Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I- I- I understand that.

===The Shit Hits the Fan (33:24-39:17)===
'''Matthew:''' I mean, I was in the MILITARY. I was DOING something. I fought in Desert STORM. I fought against Saddam HUSSEIN.

'''Chris:''' Yeah… okay… you fought in Desert Storm, you fought against Saddam… that’s all good, that’s very good. That’s honorable. That is honorable.

'''Matthew:''' But… and then what- and then YOU, you made this… Son-ni-chu thing. I mean… it’s like… ah, this is, something’s, something’s not right here, you know? But, but, but since you did bring up YouTube, I got, I got kind of an interesting little thing… that I noticed, in one of your recent videos, heh. I mean, I don’t know what exactly you were thinking, with this, um… you know, you did [[Twin Falling Towers|that video with the, ah… 9/11]]. I can’t say I really enjoyed that too much. I mean… that kinda hits… that kinda hits close to home to me, you know, I mean…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I, yeah, I realize, I realize that now, and I have received the complaints so, yeah that’s why I have… I put that…

'''Matthew:''' You’re lucky I don’t… you’re lucky I don’t have a YouTube, son. I mean, my… I mean, that hits close to home to me. My MOTHER, Kacey’s grandmother… y’know, she DIED on 9/11.

'''Chris:''' I, um… I’m sorry to hear that. Yeah, and I, uh, I mean, it’s like, I did not mean to hit that, hit that fragile emotion, ah, it was originally, ah, a thing, against a longer, worser- worser Internet [[troll]], who goes by the name of [[Clyde Cash]], whose alias is Gregg Mays, and…

'''Matthew:''' You made a video…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that’s just a whole nother story, right there. Anyway, I had…

'''Matthew:''' You made a video, basically, just trying to, trying to mess with some… GUY… on the Internet… that makes fun of one of the greatest American tragedies of our lifetime- no, THE Amer- greatest American tragedy of our lifetime.

'''Chris:''' Mm… yes, but, yeah but this guy, uh, he’s done a lot, he’s done a lot of things against me, yeah, on the Internet, trying to… you know… y-yeah, trying to destroy my good name with, uh, a whole bunch of twisted tru- told a whole bunch of twisted truths and phrases, and, words, and, I- that I have said, he just twist them around to- in evil ways and just, like some, and just, try- he’s one of those that just- and trying to slander my good name… And, uh, worse off, and worse off, and worse off, and worse off…

'''Matthew:''' Okay, let me ask you… let me ask you something. Where were you, on 9/11? I mean, they say everybody remembers where they were on 9/11 when they heard that those towers were going down, when a plane had hit those towers, and THOUSANDS of people DIED.

'''Chris:''' Yeah… I do remember where I was on, uh, 9/11, yeah, I was a, I had just, uh, I was just, uh, let go, from uh, my job at, uh, Wendy’s, it was uh, for, there was some differences between me and my employer, you know, I… [''trails off with a faint groan''] Yeah, but anyway,

'''Matthew:''' Would you like to know where Kacey was? Would you like to know where Kacey was?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, okay, well, if I may finish, if I may finish, yeah, I was-

'''Matthew:''' No. No, I’m sorry. No, n--Kacey was, Kacey was AT Ground Zero. She was giving BLOOD, and plasma, volunteering, and where were you again?

'''Chris:''' [''Pause''] Hm. Yeah, I was--I was out shopping with my mom that day.

'''Matthew:''' ...Uh-huh. Really. That’s…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' …That’s wonderful. Wait a minute, you said Wendy’s before. That...are y-are you changing stories on me? H-have you been, like, changing stories on me through this entire call?

'''Chris:''' No, no I'm not changing-

'''Matthew:''' Are you just making shit up now?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not changing stories, this is the same story, I had just gotten fired from the Wendy's and I was feeling down, and I, I was feeling down...

'''Matthew:''' You'd been FIRED from Wendy's.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was, yeah, let go. I was let go from Wendy's, and I was sad, I was sad about that, you know, they gave me…

'''Matthew:''' WHY?

'''Chris:''' I told you! It was, it was because of, uh, emotional differences.

'''Matthew:''' Emotional differences.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, my, my, my employer, my…

'''Matthew:''' That's… this is absolutely nothing, that just sounds like a bunch of bull[[Lars|sheeit]].

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' Also sounds a little GAY. [''Chris stammers, splutters, and sighs in the background''] I mean, what, did the fry cook break up with you or something? I mean, come on.

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] No! It was nothing, it was nothing like that! It was a misunderstanding, something…

'''Matthew:''' Why do you [[sigh]] so much? That's just irritating.

'''Chris:''' That was, that was, that was misunderstanding, that was just, there was a whole bunch of misunderstandings between me and my employer, and he, and he has, and he had, and he had, and he had a spike on his shoulder against me. And, and, and, and then, and then that was why he, and then that was why he eventually fired me…

'''Matthew:''' [''has been trying to interrupt Chris's stammering for a while''] What ''kind'' of misunderstandings? WHAT ''KIND'' OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS?!

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Like I, like I did, like I did some things that he thought were bad but were, that he thought were bad but were actually good. And then he let, and then he, and then he let me, and then he let me go based on that. Anyway, yeah, I, anyway, this was a couple of days before 9/11 and I was still feeling down from being let go, and then, on 9/11 I was out shopping with my mother that day.

===Maturity and Chores (39:17-48:08)===
'''Matthew:''' Good god, I mean, you sound like you're just, you sound like you're just some simpering little… your voice is all wavery… good lord. You want to date… YOU? You want to date my daughter? You're not even giving me an ounce of respect now.

'''Chris:''' Oh come, oh come, oh come on, I grew up a lot, I grew up a lot since then! [''rapidly loses coherence''] I've grown, I've grown up a lot, in sounds, in sounds, duetothegirl, and, sounds strite, sound, in sound mind.

'''Matthew:''' Goddamn. This just sounds like a bunch of fucking whining. You're not even, you don't even sound like half the man that other Chris sounds like at this point. You don't sound like you've grown up. You play fucking Pokeymon all the time!

'''Chris:''' [''Chris's dander is up.''] I am, I am, I am a grown-up ''sir''! I have moved, I have [[Pokéwalker of Fail|moved on]] from Pokémon [[June 2010|years ago]]! I am a grown-up! I have moved on from the childish things.

'''Matthew:''' No, you didn't move from… you went from Pokémon to Sonichu. What the fuck? This is still just kid shit. You don't have a job. You're still living with your parents. Almost 30 years old. This is ridiculous. You want to date my daughter. You realize that she's LEAGUES above you right now. She's out of your reach.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting a word in edgewise after many stammers''] I have, I have, I have suffered through my own, through my own trials and tribulations that would be war-like. I have suffered through a whole bunch of… enduring physical pains as well. You just could not, you just could not imagine…

'''Matthew:''' [''laughing''] Physical pain! [''more laughter''] God, this is…

'''Chris:''' I have, I have worked myself to the bone a lot!

'''Matthew:''' This is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' And I have, I have felt heartaches, and I have felt like…

'''Matthew:''' You don't know what physical pain feels like…

'''Chris:''' I have felt like I couldn't move on. But then, but then I still move on.

'''Matthew:''' …until you have taken a bullet in the fucking chest. I'm lucky to be alive. My comrade, one of my good buddies, he wasn't so lucky. He died right next to me. I carried him back…

'''Chris:''' [''humbled''] Yeah, well, well, yeah, that is, that was, that was very heroic and I commend you for that good sir.

'''Matthew:''' Sure. Yeah. I'm sure. You don't need to commend me. Now you're just kissing ass.

'''Chris:''' No! I am not just, I am not kissing ass!

'''Matthew:''' Okay. Well then. Alright. So really, okay… I have one more question, what do you have to offer my daughter, really? After I've heard all this, what exactly do you have to offer a future med student? She had a good fiancé, and now you think you can take her?

'''Chris:''' Yes I could, because I could offer, I can, I can offer her… a whole bunch of support that, that, that, that Chris could not offer. Like I am, I am, I am [[Honest Content|HONEST]]…

'''Matthew:''' Really? He's going to be published! He has a job lined up!

'''Chris:''' Like, I am honest, I am loyal, I am STRONG… good natured…

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, but this guy spoke several languages, he had connections in the comic-book industry, this guy could get a job right out of college, and you're mooching off the government, off of ''MY'' tax money! And you want to date my daughter. These two had so much in common, Kacey and Chris. She loved everything about him. And you? You just sit around, play with toys, and what, video games? Is that what you buy with your welfare money? Like Pokeyman shit?

'''Chris:''' I have not played with Pokémon [[Pokéwalker of Fail|for years]], sir!

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what do you play with?

'''Chris:''' Hmph.

'''Matthew:''' You denied Pokeyman, but you didn't deny video games.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I, okay, I have, I have, I have played some Gui-, I have played some [[Guitar Hero]].

'''Matthew:''' Guitar Hero.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' What the hell is that?

'''Chris:''' I have to stand, I have to stand up to play, I have to stand up and play gitar.

'''Matthew:''' You have to stand up to play ''guitar''! Oh, wow! That's… why don't you… that's just pathetic. You think that's exercise? Do you play a real guitar? [[CWC More Than A Feeling|I think the real Chris could play a real guitar.]]

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] I work, I work hard for my father in his, in his gar-, in his gar-, in his garden! I pulled weeds! Those weeds are very hard to pull!

'''Matthew:''' Pulled weeds? My grandma pulled weeds! My grandma had arthritis and she pulled weeds every day!

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] Well, I'm sorry to hear that your grandma had ar-, had arthritis. But I, but I, I am, I am very strong sir. And I tell you, it was very hard and torturing work to pull, to pull, to, I was working under the hot hot sun, it was, those were very hot days!

'''Matthew:''' And you still look like a, I dunno, you look pretty fat to me. I mean, my Kacey, Kacey exercises. And she lost weight, she looks, you know, she looks wonderful. And you? I mean, do you even know… what is the hot sun? I've been in the Middle East. You don't know hot until you've been out in the fuckin' shit.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yes, okay, yes, I will agree with you that I cannot, I cannot understand heat, truly understand heat, until I'm truly in the middle of a desert. But still, it was, those were very hot days. And I pulled those weeds. And I even, I even, I even placed lumber around the edges of that garden, and I hammered labels of those flowers, and my, that my, that my father hand-wrote accurately, and figured, and, pat out the, and he showed me where to place them, I even helped him a little bit with placing them. And I placed, I hammered those labels hard into those pieces of lumber.

'''Matthew:''' That's, that just sounds like basic chores. Lumber, pulling weeds, on a good day I had to do 200 push-ups. And I saw [[30 Push-Ups|those push-ups]] you did, whatever you call them. Push-ups? That's not push-ups. That was, I dunno, you looked like you were flopping around like a… fish. Actually kinda looked like you were humping the floor or something.

'''Chris:''' [''unfazed''] I even mowed the lawn!

'''Matthew:''' Mowed the lawn! [''laughs''] Wow.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and again, those were very hot days, too. And sometimes the lawnmower would quit on me! And I'd have to practically kick-start it, with my foot, I had to kick it to start it up again!

'''Matthew:''' You know, I see seven-year-olds who mow lawns all day for a summer job. All day. All summer. They do it just, they handle it just fine, why can't you? Oh, yeah, and they get paid for it, might I add.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting very angry at this point''] Yeah, well, I was not, well, I was not paid for mowing the lawn. And also, you know what? Another heavy-duty burden I had to take care of, and that I wasn't paid for? When [[Patti Chandler|my dog]] died, a few years ago, she was a sweet dog, I moved, I lifted and carried her doghouse to the site where we buried her. Her doghouse. That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief'']

'''Chris:''' It was very heavy! I carried that thing.

===Death and Fake Internet Women (48:08-54:05)===
'''Matthew:''' [''about to break down laughing''] You're talking to me about how your dog died, you're talking about someone who has lost friends and family in national tragedies. My mother, I had… I had to deal with the loss of my mother, not to old age, but to… fucking… a plane by fucking… piloted by terrorists. My gran-, my mother was killed by terrorists.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, my…

'''Matthew:''' And your… but, but your heavy burden is your dog died. I'm sorry, but boo, really, I've had dogs die, it sucks, but that's nothing… that's nothing…

'''Chris:''' Y'know, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well, I was very sad when she died. It was not a matter of age, it was pretty much, yeah, she was very sickly, there was nothing we could do, so I, I signed that form to give them permission to put her to sleep. I let her, I let her go, that was an emotional burden on me. And I have, I have been, my aunt Corrina died just a few months, just a few months, just last January, because of, because of heart cancer.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] Are you, are you…

'''Chris:''' It was very, it was very saddening, I was very…

'''Matthew:''' I'm sorry, are you messing with me? Are you trying to compare the loss of my mother, the loss of someone who took care of me for years, to a dog? [[IRC_(20_January_2009)|Are you calling my mother a dog]]?

'''Chris:''' I am not calling your mother a dog.

'''Matthew:''' [''[[stress sigh]] of his own''] I had to dig my mother out of the rubble of the Twin Towers. I mean, and you had to lift a doghouse.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'll tell you, that doghouse was heavier than any tombstone. And that doghouse pretty much was the tombstone!

'''Matthew:''' Sounds like you're fucking with me now.

'''Chris:''' I am not! I am being very HONEST with you sir! I'm telling you the honest truth from my, from my sound mind and my sound heart.

'''Matthew:''' I'm starting to, I'm starting to really kinda doubt this whole honesty thing you keep talking about. How do you think, how do you think Kacey would feel if I told her about this? What do you think, how do you think she would feel about you comparing this whole lifting a 30-, 50-pound doghouse to maybe a 100-, 200-pound tombstone? That doghouse was probably, what, made of wood? This is solid rock!

'''Chris:''' No, it was, it was, no, I mean, yeah, this is, it was wood ''and'' plastic, that thing had to weigh over a hundred pounds!

'''Matthew:''' Plastic's pretty light, you know. I'm sorry, this is, this isn't even close to the same.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' And that's just, that's just that… you know, if you had told this to Kacey, she would probably be, she would be so angry. You're just totally grasping at [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|straws]] at this point.

'''Chris:''' [''mutters under his breath''] Yeah, well, also I've been to a whole bunch of this, also, to go off talk, off-topic a bit, or going back to an old topic, that I have been DECEIVED BY THE TROLLS! A bunch of them pretending to be women who I thought were honest over the Internet when I was talking to them for the first time for a while!

'''Matthew:''' WHO GIVES A SHIT about the Internet?

'''Chris:''' And some, and some of them, and some of them were actually, and some of them were actually two honest women…

'''Matthew:''' BE A MAN…

'''Chris:''' And those [[PandaHalo|two]] [[Ivy|women]] died! I was very, I was very heartbroken by that! And yet I was even more heartbroken when I found out that…

'''Matthew:''' YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE!

'''Chris:''' I, I… I may not admit, okay, well, yes…

'''Matthew:''' Wait, wait, didn't you say, fake women? Did you say that these women were fake? So wait, these women were probably fake… fake women died?

'''Chris:''' [''in a state of great consternation''] I didn't, I didn't… no! I'm talking about, no, two of them, a coup-, a few of them were real women.

'''Matthew:''' And how many of these women have you gone through?

'''Chris:''' I have not been able to go to them. But one, there was this [[Julie|one time]] where I actually thought it was a woman, and [[Ohio_trip|I actually drove a whole, a whole, a whole day's worth]] back and forth, almost 24 hours, from my house to Cleveland, Ohio, where it turned out that was, that was, that was a bad lead. I drove a whole, I drove a whole, almost 20, I drove from five in the morning to 12 o'clock, to about, just after about, after midnight. To find out that the destination was a bad one, and that was, that was an [[BlueSpike|imposterous troll]].

'''Matthew:''' So you went to go to... Ohio, for a fake woman, but my Kacey just told me that you won't go and visit her, a real woman?

'''Chris:''' I, I, I, I... [''angry, incoherent stammering'']

'''Matthew:''' I am looking at Kacey right ''now''.

'''Chris:''' But you're in...

'''Matthew:''' You wouldn't even go to D.C., that's like two hours away. And you've met her before, for God's sake?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean, I was more naïve, I was more naïve back then, but I am very less naïve now. I have been very less naïve for about, for about a year now.

===More Shit Hits the Fan (54:05-58:09)===
'''Matthew:''' I am not convinced.

'''Chris:''' [''snapping''] '''OH COME ON. YOU SHOULD BE CONVINCED!'''

'''Matthew:''' [''Laughing with frustration''] "Oh come on"? You know who, you know who you're talking to, son? What the fuck is this? Now you're just talking back to me like a little kid. Don't yell at me, you maggot! Piece of shit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you, you're obviously talking to me like, as if I was a child. And I am not a child.

'''Matthew:''' Because you are a child, you're acting like a child.

'''Chris:''' I am not a child, I am a MAN. [[I AM STRONG|I am a STRONG MAN]]. I have been through a whole bunch of emotional and physical traumas in my life!

'''Matthew:''' You haven't proven a thing to me, you've shown me nothing that could even possibly suggest that you are a man.

'''Chris:''' Well, sometimes my memory fails me!

'''Matthew:''' You're just sitting around in your parents' house, crying about your [[Patti Chandler|little dog,]] playing video games, whining about women on the Internet. Some lazy little... maggot--

'''Chris:''' [''Full-blown tard rage erupts''] I AM NOT, I AM NOT LAZY!

'''Matthew:''' You're living with your parents and you don't have a job, how is that not lazy?!

'''Chris:''' Well, maybe I, maybe I don't have a job, but I DO WORK around the house! I lift a whole bunch of...

'''Matthew:''' Chores! I do those every day, and I'm retired!

'''Chris:''' They're not just chores! They're not just chores.

'''Matthew:''' Yes, they ''are'', EVERYONE works around the house!

'''Chris:''' Maybe everyone works around the house, but they don't...the, they differ from burden to burden to... [''stress sigh''] ...heavy weights! I mean...

'''Matthew:''' And, and, I've seen--an-an, you know, I was looking around that YouTube, I saw [[Tour of Chris's House|a video of your house]], it's a ''fuckin' MESS!'' You call that working around the house? [''stutters in disbelief''] Are you trying to be, and you're trying to be some kind of house-husband or something?

'''Chris:''' Well, most of that mess belongs to my mother and I can't really..move, I can't really organize it without her being able to help me, without her being able to point out where to put everything!

'''Matthew:''' [''sarcastically''] Oh, it's your ''mom's'' fault. And...that's, that's real mature.

'''Chris:''' She's a, well, okay, yeah, I admit, she's a bit of a pack rat. And since she retired from secretarial work...she's been livin' more lazy, I'll admit that.

'''Matthew:''' But your room is a mess, too. What do you have to say about that? I mean, this is...this is nothing. Uh I mean, at this rate, you're not getting...

'''Chris:''' [''On the edge of tears''] It may be nothing, it may be, it may be nothing...

'''Matthew:''' You're a pack rat too.

'''Chris:''' I am not a, I am not that bad of a pack rat. I mean, I even brought, I even brought a bunch, I even brought practically all that stuff into the house. And I had to bring in a couch and I had to bring in the hutch, among other pieces of furniture, among the smaller pieces of stuff, smaller bunches of junk that my mom got! That's a lot, that's a lot of heavy lifting. And it was very hard.

'''Matthew:''' Who doesn't have to push furniture? All this stuff you're talking about, these heavy burdens sound like stuff everybody has to do at least at some point, you know, maybe every....while, this is no, I mean, this is nothing, this is just regular, everyday housework. This isn't real work. This is chores.

'''Chris:''' I... oh! And you don't think...!

'''Matthew:''' This is kids' stuff.

'''Chris:''' Oh, and you don't think [[Chris and Remorse|carrying your soldier friend on your back was a heavy burden]]... That was a heavy burden!

'''Matthew:''' That's...! What the fuck, is that--are you ''mocking me?!''

'''Chris:''' I am not mocking you!

'''Matthew:''' [''stammering in utter shock''] Is this... are you comparing...

'''Chris:''' I'm just, I'm just pointing out, I'm just pointing out that what you did was a heavy burden under…

'''Matthew:''' I don't know even know what to say to this!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, that is, yeah, that is a heavy burden because you were fighting to save, you were fighting to save your friend's life.

===Kacey Returns (58:09-1:02:35)===
'''Matthew:''' [''still stuttering in disbelief''] Kacey, c'mon, come over here. You gotta listen to this guy. This is great.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, what, daddy?

'''Matthew:''' Ah, just-just, what is... I mean... [''clears throat''] I mean, this guy is just fucking with me…

'''Kacey:''' Daddy, you sound mad, what's wrong?

'''Matthew:''' This guy's just fucking with me, he's not even, he's not even respecting me at all. He's a disrespectful...I dunno--

'''Kacey:''' What, he's disrespecting you? What is he doing?

'''Matthew:''' I don't know, he's just talking about all this little ol' faggot kiddie shit... and how he has to ''move chairs'' and do - ''oh no'' - housework! And he's comparing that to when your grandma died.

'''Kacey:''' He's WHAT?

'''Matthew:''' Yeah. I mean, he's talking about all these "heavy burdens" he's had to face, you know, and he's saying it's a heavy burden, kind of like...you know, of course, you remember when we lost grandma...how would you forget?

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, I know, I had to volunteer just to get my mind off it...

'''Matthew:''' I mean, and this guy, this guy has nothing to offer you.

'''Chris:''' [''combative''] I have a lot to offer her!

'''Matthew:''' Really, wh--

'''Chris:''' I have plenty to offer her!

'''Matthew:''' Wh--like what?! ''Like what?!?!''

'''Kacey:''' Don't yell at my father like that! You need to respect him, he's a retired Marine!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I do respect your father, Kacey.

'''Kacey:''' Well, you need to be nice to him! What are you going to do if he doesn't like you?

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I mean, I want, I was being nice to him, but then he started to insult me, he was talking down to me like as if I was a child, when I'm an adult.

'''Matthew:''' I already don't like...

'''Kacey:''' Chris! He's way older than you! He's your elder! To him, you ARE a child, ''I'm'' a child to him!

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I guess in compar-, I guess in comparison, yeah, that is true. But I just don't like being talked, I just feel, I just basically, just turns me off when I'm talked down to and such. I mean, I have to put up with my father talking down to me and such, and he starts more arguments than there are flies in the garbage dump!

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but my father doesn't get angry easily.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' Like, you can't act like a child like that! He is your elder! You're trying to ask him PERMISSION.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Kacey:''' ''What are you doing?''

'''Chris:''' Well... yeah...

'''Kacey:''' Apologize!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... [''heavy sigh''] Yeah. [''more sighing''] I apologize, Matthew. I apologize for talking back to you. I just got, I got, I got carried away. Especially from feeling like I was being talked down to. Mm… I mean, surely, yeah, you can understand that, I'm sure your father talked down to you, you, even when you were about my age. And I do not mean to insult you or your father, I just felt like it was a fair compar-, I just felt like it was a good comparison there, but anyway. I apologize for yelling at you, and raising my voice.

'''Matthew:''' I don't even know how you think you can call me by my name right now.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' I don't believe a goddamn word you just said. I'm sorry. No, I'm not sorry, actually.

'''Chris:''' Well... believe it or not, it is the whole, honest truth, that I have been telling you this whole time.

'''Matthew:''' Honest. [''snort''] If that's the truth, I'm afraid to say you're pretty fucked. You're just using people from the Internet as scapegoats for your problems. And you were lying when you first met Kacey. That's what I've gotten about this. You... are not good enough for my daughter. Chris, on the other hand, has my blessing.

'''Chris:''' [''massive stress sigh'']

===Literature and Health (1:02:35-1:13:17)===
'''Matthew:''' And if the Internet is such a problem for you, I mean, just get rid of it. What do you have to do? Just call up whoever it is, AOL, whatever it is you use, just call 'em and say "I don't want the Internet anymore." That's all you have to do. You don't need it for anything. Go to a library!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a bunch… yeah, well, I have a bunch of ties on the Internet and for your information I do go to libraries. I read a lot of books.

'''Matthew:''' Really? What was the last book you read?

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Mockingbird}}The last book I read... was ''[[Wikipedia:To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]''.

'''Matthew:''' That's high-school shit.

'''Chris:''' You call this high-school, I call it adult, I call it...

'''Matthew:''' Kacey read that in high school, Kacey read that as a freshman in high school.

'''Chris:''' I call it adult drama.

'''Matthew:''' An adult drama.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [''pause''] It was very dramatic, and I felt for the characters in that, in that story, just like I feel for every character, all the characters in the stor-, in the stories that I have read, throughout my whole life.

'''Matthew:''' So-so what exactly did you learn from this book?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I...have...learned.....that I have to be able to...cope and be patient with, with a, with everybody who makes, a whole lot of people that may appear to be impatient or that could be hard to put up with. Like [[Honor roll|George had to put up with Lennie]] throughout the story. I mean, I'd say that's...

'''Matthew:''' That's ''[[Wikipedia:Of Mice and Men|Of Mice and Men]]''.

'''Chris:''' Oh, I'm sorry, I'm getting my stories mixed up. Yeah. Yeah. ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' Yeeeaaaaah... did you even read this book?

'''Chris:''' Yes I did! The dramatic story, the story about that girl who was living with her family throughout the Depression and there was that guy in the store who was nice enough to leave her gifts in the tree trunk. That was like, that was definitely a story of, like, definitely, you know, be kind to your neighbor and they'll, and they'll, and they'll be kind to you. That's still another kind of, another, it's another story where you have to learn to be patient...

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't sound like the American classic that I know. I'm sorry. This is... just sounds like a bunch of horseshit. Do you remember the court scene?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, the what?

'''Matthew:''' The court scene in the book? That was pretty big, it was a pretty major part of the book. Do you even remember who [[Wikipedia:Atticus Finch|Atticus Finch]] was? In fact, that was probably the pivotal moment of the book.

'''Chris:''' Atticus... hm... Atticus... hm, I-I do believe that was the lawyer in that story.

'''Matthew:''' Yesss... man, you call yourself smart? You aren't smart enough for Kacey. I mean, when did you-when did you read this?

'''Chris:''' I...I've read it, about a month ago.

'''Matthew:''' A month ago.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' I-you know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books, y'know, she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.

'''Chris:''' [''rage button pushed''] Stuff...candy...don't...[''sigh''] I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!

'''Matthew:''' Wooooowww! [''laughs''] What the fuck are you talking about? I mean, I don't even know what the hell...

'''Chris:''' I eat and drink healthy.

'''Matthew:''' And you look like that. I...you don't even know what I just said, do you? You completely missed that I was, that little analogy back there.

'''Chris:''' No, no, I...

'''Matthew:''' Kacey says you eat [[McDonald's]]. You say you eat healthy, but you eat at McDonald's?

'''Chris:''' I have a, I have salads over at McDonald's. And I drink the lemonade over there.

'''Matthew:''' That lemonade is full of sugar. You know, [[Liquid|Chris]] is, Chris is fit, I've seen that man, he has rock-hard abs. That guy makes a Marine proud. And he can cook, he doesn't go to McDonald's because he doesn't need to.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can cook too! And sometimes I do cook!

'''Matthew:''' You know, he and Kacey like to go running together. Why don't you go running with Kacey, rather than sitting around eating fast food all day?

'''Chris:''' I do go out, I do go out for jogs, sir. I do go out jogging. And if Kacey was here I would be happy to go jogging with her. Or even running, I'd be happy to do that as well.

'''Matthew:''' You think you could do five miles like Kacey and Chris do? Five miles?

'''Chris:''' Yep!

'''Matthew:''' That's a brisk jog.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I could do five miles with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' Someone who looks like you can run five miles? I'm sorry, that's bullshit.

'''Chris:''' You're... [''angry sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' You look like you couldn't even do five seconds running. In fact, I was watching, I was watching those push-ups, you got winded after… that was thirty seconds of push-ups and you were sweating like a pig.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] Well, wouldn't you sweat?

'''Matthew:''' I don't... with that much…? Fuck, that's nothing.

'''Chris:''' WARRIORS, WARRIORS...

'''Matthew:''' I'm a Marine. Not after...a few push-ups like that? That's nothing. Okay, but...how much and how often do you jog? I sweat maybe...maybe after, I don't know, ten miles on a hot day.

'''Chris:''' I have been jogging for about fifteen minutes on a daily basis.

'''Matthew:''' Fifteen minutes. So you go… you go, what, a quarter of a mile and you call it quits? That's pussy shit. And that's just jogging. Kacey could run, Kacey runs for at least an hour.

'''Chris:''' Well, that's good.

'''Matthew:''' Five miles is like a two-hour jog, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a, I have a whole bunch of potential, I can run five miles with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' I would love to see that. I mean, why don't you? You can't… you say you could. You're just saying you have potential. That doesn't sell me. You can't sell me with "potential." Why don't you run five miles, and maybe, maybe I'll think otherwise.

'''Chris:''' It would be hard to video, to video-record five mile running. But I can run five miles, with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' You can?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I can! And I will the first chance I get!

'''Matthew:''' But why with Kacey, though, why can't you just do it on your own? You have a camera, don't you? It wouldn't be so hard to just hold a camera and run, would it? That's easily, easily do-able.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well…

'''Matthew:''' Why don't you just figure out how to do that? You said you're good with computers. I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a [[Wikipedia:Microsoft Windows|Windows]] is.

'''Chris:''' You barely know what a Windows is?

'''Matthew:''' Don't... [''sputters''] ...don't patronize me.

'''Chris:''' I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?

'''Matthew:''' What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that. I could figure out how to hold a camera and fuckin' run for five miles. That's… how could you not figure out how to do that?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, think about this, do you think the batteries would be able to last five miles?

'''Matthew:''' Running? Shit. You're running, you're not jogging, it's not gonna take two hours.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, yeah, well... yeah, well, I can't...

'''Matthew:''' Besides, think of it as a time limit of some sort, you know? You gotta run fast enough so you can get all of it in before the batteries run out. That would take like… half an hour at most. Batteries last that long.

'''Chris:''' Alright, you want a half hour running? I'll be happy to do a half hour of running with my digital camera.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs''] Fine. Show me.

'''Chris:''' Alright, I will.

'''Matthew:''' Until then, until then, you are not good enough for Kacey. You are just a maggot.

'''Chris:''' Well. You may call me a maggot, but I'm a pretty dang strong one.

'''Matthew:''' I'm gonna go talk to Kacey, I gotta tell her, you do not deserve Kacey. Kacey lifts more than you, how does that feel? [[Power|The strong man]] outdone by a woman.

'''Chris:''' Well I may not feel pleasant, if that was the case, then I could not say I did not try.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs'']

===Liquid Chris and Minimum Wage Jobs (1:13:17-1:19:04)===
'''Chris:''' But I...

'''Matthew:''' While you're at it, you don't, you don't try, if you had tried you would have gotten out of your house, you would have gotten a job, you would have… you would be like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Yeah, well, I am much stronger and I am much better than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' Oh, yes I am!

'''Matthew:''' But why don't you have, you don't have a job! You're not stronger than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]], you're not smarter than Chris.

'''Chris:''' I am stronger and I am smarter than Chris!

'''Matthew:''' You're not living on your own. How can you even say that? And he's younger than you!

'''Chris:''' I say that because it's true.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' You do not think so... you may not think so...

'''Matthew:''' I was so happy, when Kacey said she was going to marry [[Liquid Chris|Chris]]. But then, I don't know, he vanished or something, I don't know what happened…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that would be the point where he made his video on [[YouTube]] where he [[CChanSonichuCWC Videos, August-November 2009#GONE|pretended he was being kidnapped]] and then that's where he hid away for a number of, for a few months.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, and that devastated her. You don't know how much she missed him.

'''Chris:''' I do, I do, because she has shared that with me.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, I would much rather believe him…

'''Chris:''' She has shared that with me and I have comforted the her. I have emotionally supported her.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think she... she wasn't nearly that, I don't think she was nearly as happy as when the police finally called her about that. I think you're just trying to get, I think you're just trying to get my little Kacey for a booty call.

'''Chris:''' Believe me sir, it would not just be for a booty call, it would be for a strong relationship with all the loyalty and trust and honesty that a woman can ever want. [''shifts to a momentous tone, half under his breath''] EVER.

 '''Matthew:''' But you can't even move out. She needs a man, a man who can support himself and keep a job. You got fired from [[Wendy's]], most people quit because it sucks. You got FIRED. You weren't GOOD ENOUGH for Wendy's. What are you gonna do, what are you gonna do if she gets pregnant and she can't work?

'''Chris:''' If she gets pregnant and can't work, then I would be working. I would be working VERY HARD AND HEAVILY.

'''Matthew:''' What kind of job?

'''Chris:''' If I have to I would be, get one of the heavyweights, that just moves the boxes around the, stock the shelves at a grocery store. At the least. If not better.

'''Matthew:''' That makes minimum wage at best. That's not a real job. You know how much minimum wage is?

'''Chris:''' At the current rate, it's about $8 an hour.

'''Matthew:''' That's not good enough! Get a good job! You can't live off that! Especially after taxes.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I can get a good job, and I will.

'''Matthew:''' If you want to do lifting, you go work in a warehouse or something. And last I checked, minimum wage was $7.25.

'''Chris:''' [''takes a contemptuous tone''] Huh! You must have checked, no offense, but you must have checked like five years ago. [''In fact, [[Wikipedia:List of US states by minimum wage|Matt is correct]].'']

'''Matthew:''' And how would you know? You don't have a job!

'''Chris:''' Because it was over five years ago, I was working for that minimum wage, and that was $7.50.

'''Matthew:''' That wasn't minimum wage.

'''Chris:''' Yes it was. And that was back at Wa-Wendy's!

'''Matthew:''' You know you can get paid more at jobs than minimum wage? I just looked it up right now, it says $7.25.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Maybe that's average minimum wage.

'''Matthew:''' Don't lie to me. Look...

'''Chris:''' I am not lying to you.

'''Matthew:''' Kacey, come on, Kacey, come over here, listen to this horseshit, ''listen to this horseshit''.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' What's wrong now, Daddy?

'''Matthew:''' What's this he's talking about… minimum wage is $7.25, right?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. It went up in July, I remember because it was around my birthday.

'''Matthew:''' This guy's lying again. Why is it... I'm looking right here on this webpage, that's exactly what it says.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it happened on July 24, that was like…

'''Matthew:''' Why does this guy keep lying to me? How do I know that anything he says is true?

'''Chris:''' I stand corrected! I stand corrected. On current minimum wage.

'''Matthew:''' Don't argue with me.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

===Respect and Listening Skills (1:19:04-1:24:45)===
'''Kacey:''' Is he being disrespectful again, Daddy?

'''Matthew:''' He's always been… he's been disrespectful this whole time.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] I have not been lying!

'''Matthew:''' When Kacey says it, when Kacey says it you believe it now.

'''Kacey:''' I just don't understand.

'''Matthew:''' I don't understand either.

'''Chris:''' I can't say I'm in full understanding either.

'''Kacey:''' That doesn't even make sense. Like, I shouldn't have to pick up the other line and have to hear this. I mean, what are you doing, are you trying to sabotage this?

'''Chris:''' No. Just, throughout, throughout this whole conversation I have been telling the [[True and honest|honest truth]], from memory. As far as I know.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but this doesn't make sense. Like, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] charmed my dad within five minutes. Why are you still fighting with him? Why are you lying to my father?

'''Chris:''' I have not been lying to your father. I have been telling him the truth throughout my best and honest knowledge. From my heart and from my head.

'''Kacey:''' What are you wanting me to think, that you're dumb or something?

'''Chris:''' I... wh... no. [''pause''] I, I... [''drowned out by Kacey'']

'''Kacey:''' Well, then what's going on?! Why does my dad look so upset? I haven't seem him this upset in a long time.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can't read, I cannot read his mind, so…

'''Kacey:''' Well, no, no-one expects you to, but you could be respectful to him.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, um, I mean, yeah, I was doing my best to be respectful. But then… and then he started, he started…

'''Kacey:''' My Dad is not going to lie to me, and obviously whenever I get on the phone you're calm and everything, so is something going on when I'm not on the phone? Like are you being two-faced?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation. I swear, hand to [[God]].

'''Kacey:''' You shouldn't do that, we don't swear to God, and my dad wouldn't lie to me.

'''Matthew:''' One-faced side of bullshit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, he's been contradicting me, and talking to me in a negative way…

'''Kacey:''' Okay, you guys, I'm going to go. Talk nice.

'''Chris:''' I have been, I have been, I was talking nice. And then he started contradicting me with those words, like, yeah, and, uh, hm, and put, and putting me down, like even call, even call, even calling me a pussy, or, among other things. And then that, and then that just... [[Family Guy|grinded my gears]].

'''Matthew:''' You know, Kacey is gone. She's not listening right now. She didn't hear anything you just said.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Portal Turret:''' Target lost.

'''Matthew:''' Stop [[sigh]]ing so much.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' Didn't you just hear, she... hear her say she was getting off?

'''Chris:''' Uhh... hear her say she was getting off?

'''Matthew:''' Do you pay attention to anything? Ever? To the words that I am saying?

'''Chris:''' I, I'm, I do pay attention. But I, I did not hear "I'm getting off."

'''Matthew:''' This is... this, do you, do you even listen to her, orm, her at all? I mean, how can you be a good boyfriend? You don't listen to anything.

'''Chris:''' I, I do, I do listen! And I, and ob-, obviously, she must have said it in a quiet tone, because I did not hear it. [''Actually, Chris was talking over her at the time, but never mind.'']

'''Matthew:''' But this is... she was pretty upset. She wasn't that quiet.

'''Chris:''' W...well, I'm sorry she's upset.

'''Matthew:''' And now, what I'm saying right now, is that before you can say you are better than Chris, you need to get a job, you need to move out from your parents, you need to be independent. You need to show me that you're a man. And you… you also have to have the ability to not lie to me. I'm getting all tongue-tied, because… just… you don't know how frustrating this is. I mean, I haven't done that in years.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I agree with you, this is frustrating.

'''Matthew:''' And you are lucky her mother isn't here.

'''Chris:''' And I pro-, and I send… I promise you. I have not been lying.

'''Matthew:''' How is this, how is this frustrating to you? You sound like you just have the easiest life in the world.

'''Chris:''' Because, because, because, because you're, because you're frustrated, and your frustration is reflecting onto me and it's making me feel frustrated. It's making me feel frustrated.

===Chris's Pathetic Life and Diseased Ticker (1:24:05-1:36:33)===
'''Matthew:''' You sit around... what are you going to do after this? You're gonna go home, you're gonna go play [[video games]] again or something?

'''Chris:''' No...

'''Matthew:''' Nobody can get you to do anything. Play your [[Pokémon|Pokeymans]], watch [[TV]]. [[Biological clock|Sleep.]] Eat [[McDonald's]]. That's, that's your life.

'''Chris:''' That is not my life.

'''Matthew:''' Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' It's a lot, it's a lot more than that. I do a lot more than...

'''Matthew:''' Oh, yeah, I forgot, you do chores, too.

'''Chris:''' See, this, you know, this is why I was talking to Kacey about...

'''Matthew:''' You talk and you get angry at people on the Internet who you've never seen before.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, see, right now you're just… you're just saying some, saying some of the things that sit aside from the good for me, honest, from, aside from the good things, yeah, everything I've said, I have been, I have been very honest about, and you're just taking the bad pieces that can, you're just taking some of that honesty and you're just reflecting it onto me and, you're just making it sound bad. Like it's a bad thing. And that makes me feel bad.

'''Matthew:''' It IS a bad thing. What good qualities do you have that aren't LIES? You started this whole relationship on a lie. My daughter doesn't deserve that. And now you're blaming me... for all this that's going on.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, fuck it, I'm gonna, could you just, look, okay, well, you did not let me say that...

'''Matthew:''' You just met me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, well, I'm talking to you over the... phone, that is [''dissolves into gibberish momentarily'']

'''Matthew:''' You don't... it just sounds like you don't want to admit any of your faults. You just...

'''Chris:''' I am, I am happy to admit my faults.

'''Matthew:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yes. Okay, well, for one, sometimes, I don't think things through and I make, end up in the decision I thought was good at first may end up being the bad decision.

'''Matthew:''' O...kay?

'''Chris:''' But yeah, I have been improving on that and thinking things through fully. Making sure that…

'''Matthew:''' Everyone does that, everyone, you know, makes a mistake every now and then. Okay?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Matthew:''' Let's start with something easy. Let's tell me... Tell me... How about you admit that you're, well, okay, I'll just say it. [[Obesity|FAT]]. And lazy.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I admit I do have a [[Buddha belly]], but I am not lazy, I do get out and about, I exercise, I jog and work out, and I eat healthy.

'''Matthew:''' Doesn't show at all. How often do you watch TV? And you said you jog for fifteen minutes. That's… that's not gonna burn calories.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'm working up to thirty minutes.

'''Matthew:''' Thirty minutes. And compared to... how does this compare to how much TV you watch?

'''Chris:''' For your information, I watch only about four hours of television.

'''Matthew:''' Four hours of television.

'''Chris:''' In a day.

'''Matthew:''' A day. That... I don't think that's true. That just doesn't sound, you kinda paused right there? You sound like you actually had to think about it for a second. I don't think that's true.

'''Chris:''' Well, when I had to count it up, I did have to think about it. But yes, it is true, I watch four hours of television in a day.

'''Matthew:''' Four hours, that's still quite a bit, hasn't Kacey told you anything about how important it is to take care of yourself?

'''Chris:''' Yes, we have, we have talked about that. And I have listened to her about that, and I have been taking the appropriate steps and abiding with her words in mind and heeding her advice as such.

'''Matthew:''' Really... Because she's still pretty worried about you, she says. She think something's gonna happen to you, you know. She thinks it's not looking good. And didn't she, she told me you were on [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]]?

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, I know about that stuff. That's something people my age take. I don't take it myself, but I know people who do.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, for your information, my doctor got me off, took me off Lipitor a couple of months ago.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' I still don't think you… You still don't sound like you're terribly healthy. Okay, watching TV aside, and you play video games, how long do you do that a day, huh? I mean, with how much you sit around, your metabolism must not be so hot.

'''Chris:''' How long...do I sit around? I would not say that I sit around that much. I would say...

'''Matthew:''' And play... Okay, how much do you play video games?

'''Chris:''' About two hours in a day.

'''Matthew:''' Two hours a day.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so that's at least six hours you spend sitting around doing absolutely nothing in your room. That's a quarter of a day. In six hours you could have worked a part-time job.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I, but, the time I do not spend in front of the television is the time I spend exercising. That's about half of the day.

'''Matthew:''' You do not spend half of a day exercising. If you spent half a day exercising, you would have at least lost that little Buddha belly and those man-tits of yours.

'''Chris:''' [''offended by phrases he used himself moments ago''] Okay, now I'm feeling insulted with those, with what you just said there.

'''Matthew:''' And you just told me fifteen minutes, so you're lying again.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, maybe, yeah, well, fifteen minutes jogging, upon the pacing of the spacing of the jogging.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so you don't even run fifteen minutes altogether, at one time?

'''Chris:''' It's fifteen, they're, fifteen minutes, they're fifteen-minute intervals, like I do fifteen minutes in one hour, then the next hour I do another fifteen minutes of jogging.

'''Matthew:''' But that doesn't help you at all. All that… That means there's 45 minutes of you doing nothing every hour. By then your heart rate has gone down, the exercise is gonna do nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' My heart rate has been, has been good.

'''Matthew:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I can guarantee that.

'''Matthew:''' Do you even know what you're talking about?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I do, I am talking...

'''Matthew:''' Do you even know how to check your heart rate?

'''Chris:''' Yes I do.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, how?

'''Chris:''' I put my fingers on my pulse, count the number of beats through ten seconds, and then I multiply by six. That's, that's…

'''Matthew:''' Where do you check for your pulse?

'''Chris:''' Put two fingers on my wrist or on my neck. Or put it on my chest where my heart is.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what's a good heart rate for you?

'''Chris:''' About seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Matthew:''' Seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Chris:''' To about a hundred beats per minute.

'''Matthew:''' Uh-huh. So what's your heart rate right now?

'''Chris:''' Alright... [''long silence''] Alright, let me find that...yeah. It's approximately, it is approximately eighty-four right now.

'''Matthew:''' Eighty-four from just sitting around?!

'''Kacey:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I've been listening. Chris, that's a serious medical condition. What are you talking about? Normally your heart doesn't beat that fast unless you've done exercise.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Kacey:''' That's like [[Wikipedia:arrhythmia|arrhythmia]] or [[Wikipedia:tachycardia|tachycardia]]. What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, right, you know, well, I did get a little bit of [[stress]] from some of the conversation.

'''Kacey:''' Stress doesn't do that. That's like a serious medical condition. And I heard you talk to my dad, you don't listen to anything I say when I worry about you. You still go to [[McDonald's]], and I told you those salads aren't healthy. I bet you haven't even lost one pound. Don't you care that I think you're gonna die? [''Chris stammers briefly in response''] That you're probably going to lose motion in your body if you don't exercise enough? This is important to me!

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It is.

'''Kacey:''' What're you going to do? You're gonna die before you're thirty.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Hm. [''pause, then sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' Hmph.

'''Kacey:''' If anything, that means you have way too much caffeine in your system. If you have something that high. That's either, you can get that from smoking, from too much fat, from too much caffeine...

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah.

'''Kacey:''' [''Her voice breaks, on the verge of crying.''] It's like you don't even care! Dad was right, you are being disrespectful!

'''Chris:''' [''Attempting to sound empathetic''] Kacey, I do care. [''sigh''] Even though, even though it may not, even though it may show-- not show-- I do care. Believe me.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. Because it's that hard for you to stop going to McDonald's. But you've still been going. Right?

'''Chris:''' I have been going less.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like I didn't... Less is not none! Fast food is bad! Period at the end!

'''Chris:''' [''On the defensive''] Yeah, but that was like once a week! Once in a week!

'''Kacey:''' Once a week is bad! Don't eat any! None!

'''Chris:''' Alright, I won't go there anymore. I won't go [[McDonald's]] anymore.

'''Kacey:''' Or any fast food!

'''Chris:''' Alright. I will not go to any fast food, I...

'''Kacey:''' Whatever. It's not like you haven't lied to me before. You're just probably lying to me now. Dad, I can't deal with this anymore…

'''Chris:''' I'M NOT LYING TO YOU! I promise you! I promise you! I promise you, Kacey. I promise you.

'''Matthew:''' She's gone again.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh'']

===Chris Blows It, but He's an American! (1:36:33-1:41:33)===
'''Matthew:''' She was pretty, ah... let's say you just blew it, man. She was— She was crying right there. You just fuckin' blew it. Big-time.

'''Chris:''' [''deep sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' I just heard the door slam. I wouldn't be surprised if she goes and calls Chris.

'''Chris:''' Hmph. Well...

'''Matthew:''' What do you have to say for yourself? [''Long silence ensues'']

'''Chris:''' Well, all I can say is... that's your opinion, and you have every right to your own opinion.

'''Matthew:''' It's not my opinion. It just happened. What the hell are you talking about? I'm talking about facts.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you're talking about— Yes, you are talking about facts, but you have expressed a whole bunch of your own opinions about what you've heard from me the whole conversation.

'''Matthew:''' And that's all you have to say about the fact that you just upset my daughter? What are you...

'''Chris:''' That's my response— That's my response about you, but as for Kacey, you know, I just feel— I just feel very sad for her.

'''Matthew:''' I don't care what you have to say about me. This is about— You should care about Kacey, not me! You have to do something big.

'''Chris:''' I care about Kacey. I really, truly do.

'''Matthew:''' Okay. But if you want my opinion right now, I think you should stay away from my daughter. Unless you really, ''really'' turn around your life. You're not even close to Chris right now. You have to do something big to get her back. You have to get a job, at the very least. Lose, I dunno, fifty pounds. Move out. Then I might consider you, ''maybe''.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' And you have to keep your promises, because she says you never do.

'''Chris:''' I do keep my promises.

'''Matthew:''' And I think she should be with her [[Liquid Chris|real fiancé]] right now. [''Long silence''] I mean, he treats her like a princess. You treat her like... a set of tits and ass.

'''Chris:''' No, I treat her like a princess as well. I treat her, more importantly... as a friend... a true friend, a good friend...

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't sound like it at all.

'''Chris:''' You don't know. I mean…

'''Matthew:''' I do know, because she talks to me.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well… points of view.

'''Matthew:''' I can't even stand your voice. So whiny, all this sighing, it's like a baby. You'll never be as good as Chris at this rate.

'''Chris:''' I am a lot better than Chris. [[Autism|Belieeeeeeeeve... me.]]

'''Matthew:''' You're not even a functioning human. You're leeching off my government.

'''Chris:''' I have a functioning image...

'''Matthew:''' I met Chris in real life, he's an upstanding young man. How are you better than this?

'''Chris:''' I...am an ''[[American]]!'' I am proud to be an American and [[I AM STRONG|I am ''strong'']]. I am an individual...

[''Portal'' can again be heard faintly in the background]

'''Matthew:''' Don't tell— Don't tell me you're an American.

[''Portal'' can again be heard]

'''Chris:''' I was born in America, I was raised in America my whole life, I never left the United States of America.

'''Matthew:''' You can't tell me you're patriotic... if you were patriotic, you wouldn't even have thought about making that video, that [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11 video]]. I still can't believe why you made that. It doesn't matter. You don't...do that! You're not acting like a patriot, you're acting more like a terrorist.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression. At least I— At least I was man enough to admit I was wrong and I am. I did my best to undo the mistake by deleting that video and making the apology.

'''Matthew:''' You know, Chris and Kacey are Americans, too. And "sorry" doesn't undo the fact that you made that video.

===Love and Memories (1:41:33-1:46:21)===
'''Chris:''' It may not, but at least I admitted I was wrong. And it takes a man to admit when he is wrong.

'''Matthew:''' And you still made it. You... you're not a man. Stop trying to call yourself a man. I mean, it takes a real man to change, and you haven't.

'''Chris:''' I do change my habits. I have been changing my habits. And I have been better from the habits I have changed.

'''Matthew:''' That's a lie. You haven't done shit.

'''Chris:''' I... I have done a lot more than you can, than you are thinking right now. Or that you could ever think at this moment.

'''Matthew:''' You said you stopped eating McDonald's, and you didn't... That's such a simple little thing, and you still lied about it. You can't stop eating fast food. What makes you think you can turn around and get a job and stop leeching off the government? And stop lying to Kacey?

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] Because... I am me, I have faith in me, and I am strong within myself.

'''Matthew:''' I bet you don't even love Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey!

'''Matthew:''' I bet if Kacey [[The End For Real|left you right now]], right this very moment, you would... [[CWC is Sad|you'd probably cry]], for maybe just a couple seconds, then [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|you'd go out]] and find [[The Wallflower|another girl on the Internet]].

'''Chris:''' No!

'''Matthew:''' [[List of Love Quest candidates|Wouldn't you?]] And even if you do love Kacey, you don't love Kacey nearly as much as Chris loves Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey, truly and deeply. And I care about her, about that much, probably more.

'''Matthew:''' And so does Chris, and he can prove it, so why don't you? You can't even stop eating McDonald's for her.

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] I can so prove it, and I will.

'''Matthew:''' God. You know, he knows her favorite color, and her favorite flower. I'm sure you don't.

'''Chris:''' Her favorite color is "tarquoise".

'''Matthew:''' Turquoise? That's… that's wrong.

'''Chris:''' It's a blue-green shade. ''[Chris is correct here, at least. On his [[Kacey#Kacey Date Log|creepy date]] with Kacey, she said her favorite color was [[Wikipedia:Teal (color)|teal]].]''

'''Matthew:''' Okay, favorite flower.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I cannot say that I, I cannot say that I remember her favorite flower at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' Aha. Really.

'''Chris:''' It could have been maybe because she did not mention her favorite flower yet. But she did tell me her favorite color. It was a shade, it was a blue-green shade. So turquoise is ''close''.

'''Matthew:''' Can you remember anything? Okay, I bet you don't even remember some of the stuff I just said today. You probably don't even remember who in my family died in 9/11, do you? I just said that, what, half an hour ago?

'''Chris:''' You, you said that your daughter, that your daughter was giving blood in New York, right by the 9/11 site.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, but who DIED, who of my family died in 9/11?

'''Chris:''' The grandma.

'''Matthew:''' My grandma?

'''Chris:''' Her grandmother.

'''Matthew:''' Who is?

'''Chris:''' You did not mention her name.

'''Matthew:''' No... [''exasperated sigh''] ....no, okay, her grandmother, who is ''my''...?

'''Chris:''' Your mother.

'''Matthew:''' [''claps once''] How long did that just take you? Good boy! [''chuckles''] God, this is just like talking to a preschooler.

===Crossing the Naïve Line (1:46:21-1:52:36)===
'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, talking to a what?

'''Matthew:''' A preschooler. God. This is...man. You can't have Kacey, with...with this kind of, this is just ridiculous. I can't believe I'm talking to someone who's so... '''[[Naïve]].''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' [''angry intake of breath''] You just crossed a line. You just crossed a line. By saying the word "naïve." That is like the worst insult to me…

'''Matthew:''' What line?

'''Chris:''' 'A line'... you crossed the line. You've just... you just really ticked me off right there when you said that.

'''Matthew:''' What're you gonna do about it?

'''Chris:''' Nothing at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' "Nothing at the moment"?

'''Chris:''' Because I can't really do anything, I'm not right there in front of you, now, am I? I'm talking to you over the phone. The only thing I could do right now is let you know that you just crossed a line. By saying that word.

'''Matthew:''' Are you... wait, wait, wait a minute, are you trying to [[Death threats|threaten]] me? You trying to threaten an ex-Marine?

'''Chris:''' No, I... no, I am not threatening you, I am not threatening you. I am in no position to threaten an ex-Marine. And I understand that, and I respect you as such.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what are you saying? I could [[Kick the Autistic|whoop your naïve little ass with my pinky]] if I wanted to. Kacey could whoop your ass! I'm surprised she hasn't already.

'''Chris:''' Well. I would be able to defend myself.

'''Matthew:''' So you would hit Kacey?

'''Chris:''' No, I would not hit Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Have you ever defended yourself?

'''Chris:''' I have defended myself.

'''Matthew:''' [''exhales in disbelief''] I'm sure that was something to see. Have you… I mean, I'm sure, I can see what would just happen. She'd probably try to throw a punch and you'd just bounce her off with your Buddha belly. Or so you call it.

'''Chris:''' I would either step to one side or block it with an arm!

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs''] That little limp-wristed twig of yours? You're pretty big, but you've got some pretty scrawny arms. And you're a pretty big target, she'd be… pretty hard to miss you. I've seen her punches.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think you'd be able to react fast enough.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you have not seen how I can, how fast I can react.

'''Matthew:''' You can't even react fast enough to what I'm saying.

'''Chris:''' Because I'd like to spell-check, and make sure I'm not making any mistakes. Make sure that my mind and my mouth are in sync.

'''Matthew:''' Making... mistakes…?

'''Chris:''' My mouth does not go faster than my mind.

'''Matthew:''' What are you even...?

'''Chris:''' That's another, that is another one of my flaws, I am willing to admit. Sometimes my mouth goes faster than my brain.

'''Matthew:''' Well, I bet that's not the [[Slow-in-the-minds|only thing that goes faster than your brain]]. Are you trying to say [[CPU Blue Heart|you're some kind of computer or something]]? But this is, you're getting completely off the point. So tell me why, exactly, you aren't naïve? Why is this crossing the line so much?

'''Chris:''' Because it's insulting my intelligence.

'''Matthew:''' What line did I cross exactly?

'''Chris:''' And I do not appreciate that. You made me feel... [[Chris and anger|anger]].

'''Matthew:''' Because you haven't proven your intelligence to me.

'''Chris:''' Well, just like a computer, my brain is random. It picks up memories at random. I cannot simply access them sometimes, even though most of the time I can. But sometimes I can't, and they later come back to me at random.

'''Matthew:''' Okay... here's how intelligent you really are, and that's because being naïve has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence.

'''Chris:''' Look it up in the dictionary.

'''Matthew:''' I have looked it up in the dictionary. It has nothing to do with intelli--what are you talking about? What dictionary are ''you'' looking in?

'''Chris:''' Webster's.

'''Matthew:''' Webster's. You know, I'm sure, if you think naïve has to do with... I'm sure your "[[autism]]" is just some sort of blanket term for "retarded" for you. Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' I'll admit I have had some slow-minded moments. But I am certainly not ''totally'' retarded.

'''Matthew:''' No. I'm looking at my dictionary, you know what "naïve" means? It means "inexperienced." Not "unintelligent." I shouldn't be calling you naïve, I should just be calling you a dumbass. But you are naïve as well.

===Experience and Respect (1:52:36-1:57:38)===
'''Chris:''' I've got a lot more experience than you could imagine.

'''Matthew:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I have had twenty-seven years of experience.

'''Matthew:''' With what? Eating [[McDonald's]] and watching [[TV]]? Son, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is younger than you, and he has had far more experiences than you have. And I've had fifty-two years of experience.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, how about being pinned down by three teachers, a guidance counselor, and an elementary school... prinstapull... and having your screams and cries recorded on audiotape like a torture chamber?

'''Matthew:''' The hell are you talking about?

'''Chris:''' And have, I was pretty much in that situation there in, back in the fourth grade. They were scared of, scared of...

'''Matthew:''' What did you do, some kind of temper tantrum?

'''Chris:''' No, they were scared of me. They did not understand autism.

'''Matthew:''' So, what, you just had some kind of retard panic attack and they didn't know what to do?

'''Chris:''' I...it was not a retard! No...it was not! They just hated me because they don't, they did not understand people with autism. And so they tortured me as such. I even ended up with a rash on my neck from that thing, among other things! And we had to fight the school system, they wanted to put me in a [[Nathanael_Greene_Elementary_School#The_.22institution.22|mental institution]]! But that was not...

'''Matthew:''' Because you NEED HELP. [[Western State Hospital|That's probably where you belong!]] And you call the other, you call Chris crazy... This is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' I do not belong in a mental... If I had gone to a mental institution, I would not have graduated high school or gotten my certificate and degree in [[CADD|Computer-Aided Drafting and Design]]. I've moved up from what you would consider a retarded state of mind.

'''Matthew:''' I know retards with college degrees. They probably felt sorry for you. They probably just kinda let you through, that's probably what happened.

'''Chris:''' [''angry stress sigh, or perhaps spluttering with rage'']

'''Matthew:''' You know schools do that. And those other, I call them retards, but really, they're pretty good people. They actually did something with their degrees, believe it or not. People with Down's syndrome have done more than you. And that degree has done nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' It has done a lot, it has done a lot for me. It's given me the whole bunch of computer experience and potential that I have. And I will get an office job, and I will move out of this house, and I will run five miles!

'''Matthew:''' But you haven't done any of that. If you're gonna say it, then do it.

'''Chris:''' I would not be saying it if I was not going to do it. That is a promise.

'''Matthew:''' You better do it before Kacey runs back to a real man.

'''Chris:''' Okay then.

'''Matthew:''' Because I'm thinking that's going to happen pretty soon here. 27 years and you haven't changed.

'''Chris:''' Well, she did, she and I did not meet twenty-seven years ago, she and I met a few months ago.

'''Matthew:''' And you… and you haven't, she wasn't alive twenty-seven years ago. That doesn't even make any sense.

'''Chris:''' Well, what you said there a moment ago equally did not make much sense either. That was like you were implying, like as if she actually knew me my whole twenty-seven years.

'''Matthew:''' This is insulting to ''my'' intelligence, talking to you. You've shown me nothing but disrespect.

'''Chris:''' I have, I have...

'''Matthew:''' I'm sure you show Kacey hardly any more respect than you show me. I've been trying to open your eyes here.

'''Chris:''' I have shown you respect from the lot, for a while during the conversation.

'''Matthew:''' This is the kind of respect you show me, I would hate to see the kind of respect you show Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I show Kacey a lot of respect.

'''Matthew:''' You probably don't even respect her as a person...

'''Chris:''' I do res... I do respect her as a person!

===Chris is Creepy and Bad at Dating (1:57:38-2:08:38)===
'''Matthew:''' You know, her sister said you kept trying to touch her when you met her.

'''Chris:''' Because I was nervous at the time!

'''Matthew:''' You were ''NERVOUS?!'' What the hell kind of response is ''that?!'' You're nervous, so you try to touch a per--you try to touch a girl? What the ''hell?!'' That's...that's...that's just '''sick!''' I mean, that's my ''daughter'', you're trying to touch a girl, you're trying to touch my daughter because you're nervous? I mean, most people try to avoid touching people when they're nervous. Gah, I can't believe I just heard that, I '''should''' come and [[Kick the Autistic|kick your ass right now]]!

'''Chris:''' I only touched her shoulder! And I thought it was a friend gesture!

'''Matthew:''' Her shoulder? That's...you know, that didn't...y'know, I heard otherwise, I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry too.

'''Matthew:''' Did you try to kiss her?

'''Chris:''' No!

'''Matthew:''' Bullshit. I mean, she told her sister about what-what, what you did. I mean, I know. Are you telling me that Kacey lied?

'''Chris:''' I am not saying that. I am not saying that.

'''Matthew:''' You trying to tell me that, uh... and I heard you did all kinds of other weird shit, like, you tried to sniff her or something?

'''Chris:''' She was sharing her perfumes with me.

'''Matthew:''' That's... [''stifled laugh''] I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' She wanted my, she wanted my opinion on which perfume smelled better.

'''Matthew:''' You know, she gave it to you, she said she gave it to you in the bottle first. You could have just opened the bottle and sniffed, you didn't have to sniff ''her'' to do it. I mean, that's...that's a little creepy.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, she wanted the perfume, she wanted me to give an honest opinion about... on her.

'''Matthew:''' You did it...you did it in front of her and her ''friend.'' I mean, have you ever done this before? Is this something you do when you meet girls?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, could you, could you, ah, repeat that?

'''Matthew:''' Have you... have you ever done this before, to another girl?

'''Chris:''' Mm... Yeah, well, we've been talking about the sniffing thing. I just want to make sure I understand what we're talking about here.

'''Matthew:''' Yes. Anything, any of this creepy...shit. This touching, this kissing, that you-that, that I've been told you try to do.

'''Chris:''' Well... first off I can definitely, honestly say that I have not kissed a girl yet...

'''Matthew:''' TRIED.

'''Chris:''' [[Emily#Kiss fail|Or even tried to]].

'''Matthew:''' ''Really?'' [''scoffs'']

'''Chris:''' Truly.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, I don't--I don't believe, I mean, I don't believe a word of that. [''stutters a bit''] How many dates have you even been on?

'''Chris:''' In my lifetime? [[Two's company snapshots|Only one]].

'''Matthew:''' Only one.

'''Chris:''' And this was a few months ago. Before I met Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Before you met Kacey.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' And how did that--and how did that turn out? And how did she act to--how did she act toward you? What'd she think of you?

'''Chris:''' It turned out that girl just was not all that into me.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, Kacey met you around...around August, that was a couple of months ago. So how far along was this?

'''Chris:''' That one date was back in, was last June.

'''Matthew:''' [''stutters a bit again''] And now why exactly do you think she wasn't interested in you?

'''Chris:''' I don't know! I am not a mind-reader.

'''Matthew:''' ...but-s-so you can't think of a single reason why she might not have been interested in you?

'''Chris:''' .....yeah.

'''Matthew:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' I can honestly say that I cannot.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, you can't think of, maybe...I can think of a couple reasons right off the bat, why a girl would not have been into you. [''Chris scoffs''] I mean, I didn't even need to think about it. [''pause''] I mean, uh...I mean, you can't even take them on a real date.

'''Chris:''' I took her on a real date. Took her to [[Wikipedia:Applebee's|Applebee's]], and I paid for her, for what she ate and what she drank there.

'''Matthew:''' You paid for her. [''scoffs''] And how much--and how much was that?

'''Chris:''' That was about $10.

'''Matthew:''' $10.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' That's...$10 for dinner? Are you sure you just didn't go to McDonald's again?

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] No, this was APPLEBEE'S. And Kim was there, she could tell you the same, she could tell you the same thing.

'''Matthew:''' So--so where would you take Kacey? You know, she's a pretty high-class girl. And I'm sure you probably didn't even tip.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I did not understand the second half of that sentence, after you said "Kacey is a high-class girl."

'''Matthew:''' I, you know, I y'know, you probably didn't--I said you probably didn't even tip. And, so where exactly are you going to take Kacey?

'''Chris:''' Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, I did tip.

'''Matthew:''' You even know how much you're supposed to tip?

'''Chris:''' About 15 or 20%.

'''Matthew:''' So, how much did you tip, then? If you paid $10?

'''Chris:''' I tipped a buck fifty.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' That's still pretty cheap. I, you know, Kacey probably wouldn't like that if you tipped her that much. I mean, you know she's a waitress, right? Tips are pretty important to...to waitresses.

'''Chris:''' Yep, I understand that, tips are important. But still, 15% of 10 is a dollar fifty.

'''Matthew:''' Eee...that's true. Okay, so how much would you tip if you paid, say, $80 for dinner? Which is very possible, if you go to the kind of places Kacey likes to go.

'''Chris:''' Hm...let's see, hm...that would be about $12.

'''Matthew:''' You, so you would just pay $12, you wouldn't go up to, like, y'know, you wouldn't even just toss them a twenty or something? Can you even ''do'' math?

'''Chris:''' Well, I cannot say that my family is of the ''high-class, hoity-toity, rich type'', type of people. We are on average income.

'''Matthew:''' You could at least...they're not rich either, and they still left a twenty.

'''Chris:''' Well, good for them.

'''Matthew:''' You're not even on an income. I mean, income would be, like, y'know, you actually have a job. Man, Chris treats her so much better than you, shows her so much more respect.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I give you respect throughout the beginning of the conversation.

'''Matthew:''' You've given me nothing!

'''Chris:''' And then, and then, I started to feel insulted, from...being, from being talked down about, some, about some, about the honest...details I've talked about. And that she told you, like about the McDonald's and the video games and that sort of thing, when I am so much better than that.

'''Matthew:''' And I have not seen any of this, because...it probably doesn't exist.

'''Chris:''' It does exist.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, telling the truth isn't...it's not made of, uh, y'know, Pokeymans and all that.

'''Chris:''' It is not.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, and how are you better than all this? [''stutters in disbelief''] You're doing exactly, you know, you're doing just that, talking about stupid fucking Pokeymans and shit. That's all I'm really getting about you is...you do nothing but what exactly what you have said.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, what can you...

'''Matthew:''' And you need to be better. Not say you could be better.

'''Chris:''' At least I am HONEST when I say I could be better. At least I don't go around lying, pretending that I am an astronaut.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] You're not! You're not being honest.

'''Chris:''' No, I have been honest. Otherwise I would have said that I was an astronaut, but that would be lying. And I have not been lying this conversation.

'''Matthew:''' Would have been a pretty bad lie, too.

'''Chris:''' I know, but that's just an example off the top of my head at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' You don't even have the eyes to be an astronaut, I mean, c'mon. You don't have the weight. You especially don't have the weight.

===What Are You Gonna Do Now? (2:08:38-2:18:03)===
'''Chris:''' [''Long silence''] Well... I'll just say that, uh, this has been, uh, a most experiencing conversation, and, uh, I wish you a pleasant evening. Take care, Mr. Devoria, and stay safe. And... please give my most fondest regards to Kacey as well. I love her and I care about her very much.

'''Matthew:''' Don't you hang up on me! When did I say that this conversation was over?

'''Chris:''' Well. You continue the insults, and I'm getting tired of insults. I feel like I need to go--I feel like I need to go take a shower, and get ready to sleep, I mean, we are in the same time zone, it's ten after two right now.

'''Matthew:''' Well, actually, that's fine, you know, you can...you can go, you can whine and, you know, weasel your way out of this. You don't even deserve my daughter. I mean...what are you gonna do after this, y'know, what are you going to do tomorrow? You're going to get up, sleep, you're going to get up and play video games again. That's...that's--

'''Chris:''' I am not, I will not be that way, I am going to get up...and I'm going to be...finding a job in the office. And I am going to be jogging for fifteen to thirty minutes.

'''Matthew:''' I don't believe in--you know what Kacey's gonna do? She's gonna go to school, and she's gonna call Chris back. That's what she's gonna do.

'''Chris:''' [''Snide and superior''] Well, that's what you think she's gonna do. You do not control her.

'''Matthew:''' And you know why she's gonna do that? It's because she, because he's the one she wants. You know that song that she made for Chris? She made it for him. Not you. You know that song, that [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey|"Whole New World,"]] from that Disney movie? She made that for him.

'''Chris:''' No, she told me she made that for me.

'''Matthew:''' Oh, no she didn't.

'''Chris:''' Oh yes she did!

'''Matthew:''' I think I know my daughter a little better than you do.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'll have to check with her on that.

'''Matthew:''' He even sang it for her! I mean, what really made you think it was for you?

'''Chris:''' Because she told me so herself!

'''Matthew:''' She told ME that she made it for him. Unless you're saying she's lying.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not saying she's lying, because...

'''Matthew:''' And I saw that video. You didn't even know the lyrics to that song. You had to look it up. I could see the paper in your hand. And you had to sing over the words, you didn't even get the karaoke version or something. How could you possibly have known the lyrics?

'''Chris:''' I have watched the [[Wikipedia:Aladdin (film)|''Aladdin'']] movie a whole number of times. I would say greater than ten times. In my lifetime. At this point.

'''Matthew:''' And you know how I know that was made for him, and not you? Because that song was their song. They know it by HEART. And that has always been their song.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' You know they were going to sing it to each other at their wedding?

'''Chris:''' [''More silence''] I see.

'''Matthew:''' Well, this, this is really... this has really been enlightening. Learning about just how unworthy a person can be for my daughter. How much of a... I have to congratulate you, though, because you totally did a great job at getting Kacey and Chris back together. [''pause'']

'''Kacey:''' [''bursting in''] Seriously, Chris, how could you?!

'''Matthew:''' I can't believe...! [''cracks the fuck up'']

'''Kacey:''' You've been so insulting to my father, and everything...di, uh...Chris would never have done this! Maybe I did make a wrong decision! [''stutters''] I don't think I can do this.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' Maybe I was thinking of him all along, maybe I just displaced things. Just, I can't believe you would do this. You--yo--I was crying, and all you did was argue with my father. You didn't even care enough to check on me, or see if you could talk to me, Chris would never have done that. Chris would have demanded to talk to me right away and he would have calmed me down. [''pause''] And I mean, obviously you misunderstood me.

'''Chris:''' I guess...maybe I...did.

'''Kacey:''' You know what? I don't want you. I don't want this, I don't need this right now. I have so much going on with finals and everything, and this is the way you're going to act? Yeah. My father's right. You're going to have to do something HUGE. I mean, you can't even work on the comic you promised me, you made me a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing. Where the hell's the comic, Chris? You know what? You probably still won't make it. So, you know what? I-I can't do this. You need to totally reform your life. [''pause''] I mean, Chris would have come by. He would have driven the 2 hours just to comfort me once he heard I was crying.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, if I knew where you were I would have driven 2 hours as well. But I did not know...

'''Kacey:''' You know you won't! You always want me to come to you. It's stupid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean... yeah, I would have asked, I mean, I did ask you for your address, but then... and I did ask you for your phone number.

'''Kacey:''' And I told you that you can't get it until you get my parents to trust you because you know they're overprotective! And you think this is the way you do it?! I bet you're not even gonna finish the comic! You can't even finish it tonight. Or anything. You can't do anything.

'''Chris:''' I can so.

'''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you're not motivated enough, because you haven't done anything like that. Like, you've promised me a song a long time ago, never got it. Chris has written me, like, 3 songs. You promised me tons of things, you never keep your promises. You just sit around playing video games, you made a stupid ''LittleBigPlanet'' thing for me. I mean, come on. All I wanted was the damn comic, all I wanted was you just to pay attention. You don't even pick up the phone anymore because of the trolls, because of the stress! I can't do this. I want a real man. [''long pause''] And thi--you can't even say anything. Dad, I think you're totally right.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah. Don't tell him where we live, I don't want my name and number, I don't want him to know my name and number.

'''Kacey:''' See?! Look what you done, Chris. Look what you've done! [''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like you're gonna do anything to make up for it. So you know what? I don't even care. Dad, you can do whatever, that's--thi--that's all he can say, I'm done.

'''Matthew:''' I don't know, I don't think I want to get in trouble...

'''Kacey:''' He's not, Chris, screw this.

'''Matthew:''' I don't want to get in trouble for beating the shit out of this faggot anyway.

'''Kacey:''' [''long pause''] I'm gonna go, this is too much for me. You can finish this off, Dad.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry. [''typing and long pause''] I would like to say... good evening.

'''Matthew:''' [''long pause''] Ssssso... what are you gonna do now?

[''Tape runs out'']

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 24]]|nextlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}

==External links==
*[https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6mRSOBYFcaBNloweEFQOElEdjA/edit?usp=sharing Link to MP3 on Google Drive]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?ddn91nknqahn87a mp3 of phone call]
*Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jhp5WyvPWNI the call on YouTube]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{FanChats}}
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

Tour of Chris's House III

2024-09-25T03:18:43Z

Got2Hands:

{{TTSTwitter}}

'''Tour of Chris's House III''', or as titled by Chris, '''IMG_7150.MOV''', is a video the [[Idea Guys]] had Chris record privately and save to his [[Google Drive]] on 9 [[March 2018]].<ref>[[:File:Google Drive IMG 7150 Activity1.png]]</ref>

Compared to previous house tours trolls had Chris record in [[2009]] and [[2013]], the house is slightly less cluttered than it used to be, however, Chris has taken on hoarding habits learned from [[Barbara]]. Following the events of the 2014 [[house fire]], the parts of Barbara's hoard that weren't completely destroyed are still packed away into boxes set throughout the house; while the hoard still dominates the kitchen and upstairs living room, the oven and sink are actually ''accessible'' this time. Chris, on the other hand, has massively expanded his toy hoard, using the downstairs family room as a dumping ground for it, complete with narrow walkways to access parts of the room. On a lighter note, Chris also appears to have salvaged the 'Dreaming Studio' sign from the toolshed outside and brought it into his [[room]], which is relatively less cluttered than the rest of the house.

On 11 [[December 2018]], the [[Teen Troon Squad]] leaked a portion of the video onto Chris's Twitter, marking it as the second [[Idea Guys]] video to be leaked in such a way. The tweet with the video included a Teen Troon Squad-written description stating that for $500 the full video could be unlocked. The tweet was later deleted by Chris. According to comments by [[Marvin]], the Teen Troon Squad had been able to access the video because Chris had not deleted the video file.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Marvin)#Leaking of Idea Guys Videos]]</ref>

On 11 [[August 2020]], the [[Watchmen]] member [[Klop]] leaked the full video. In doing so, Klop provided the original Google Drive link to the video file, noting it was over two years old,<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Klop)#Tour of Chris's House III Google Drive link]]</ref> meaning Chris still had not bothered to delete the file.

The file was eventually deleted off of Chris's Google Drive.<ref name=link>https://drive.google.com/file/d/1QW9WtRZw9W2fxLHRKHJ8I6d9dS47eF5U/view?usp=sharing</ref>

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Tour of Chris's House III
| ytid = npxpE9Df0nU
| stardate = 9 [[March 2018]] (Fully leaked [[August 2020]])
| subject = [[14 Branchland Court]]
| style =
| saga = {{Idea Guy|text}}
| shirt = {{ManchildMeldownShirt|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Damaged original art for sale]]
| next = [[Selling Vintage Comic Books (Cole Smithey’s Comic Books)]]
}}

==Transcript==

===Intro (00:00-00:20)===

[''Video begins with a close up of Chris's face, revealing it is shot on a phone'']

[''Gives us a quick flash of the house before returning to face shot'']

Hello, on the internet, this is Christine Chandler, coming to you live from home once again, and today... givin' y'all an update nyauh- gonna take a tour of, the house... as it currently... is!

===Chris's work room (00:20-05:09)===

Um, ok? So, esc- es- start it... hm... pretty much from what is the family room is now my...

[''Turns the camera to show the room, which is unfocused''] ...kind of... living space- why is it blurry? The hell? [''Camera focuses, revealing a very cluttered room, but less clutter than before''] Oh, there is is. Just needed to focus, FOCUS! Anyway so that's... one half, um- that side but also, [[cats]] like to... hop on the couch, we don't let 'em, come in guests... but anyway, um...

[''Walks up to some boxes''] Um, boxes of... um... the VHS tapes, from [[Bob|Mr. Cs]] collection, and some of mine...

[''Pans around to show some monitors and piles of paper and toys''] and uh, there's the... [[PlayStation_4|PlayStation]] monitor and look! I've found the... [[Commodore_64|C64]] monitor today! Yep, right there with the old keyboard, 'n... there's the floppy disc drive, which needs some... hm, t-keyboard n' the disc drive need some [[Chris_and_work#Chris_hates_chores|TLC]], anyway.

[''Quickly pans away to move on to the [[Lego]] collection''] Um, [''sigh''] um, I'll give you, kind of an expansive view, of my nowd- my... old Lego kinda kits and whatnot, I'll go round the other side...

[''Walks around the central table in order to access the second half of the Lego table''] But anyway, I spend... most of my... time, on THAT side of the room [''Indicates towards the side he was just on''] neh- just-

[''Shows us various Lego buildings on this second half of the Lego table''] Yep, there's my... [[CWC_Lego_Manchester_High_School_Oct_18_2013|Lego high school]], there's my little house, srs... another house, there's the [[The_Simpsons|Simpson's house]], there is... spooky house, aneren... other... Legos... I've kind of lost track along the way, an... yada yada yada, um...

[''Pans down to show his desk''] There's m' desk!

[''Pans to his OC's [[Sonichu_Amiibo|amiibos]]''] There's, all my... [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] figure- phototype figures, um along with Sonic and Mewtwo there, just... because, for now.

[''Hold's Chris-Chan Sonichu and Magi-chan amiibo figures up for the camera''] Um, there's magi-chan and f- and I... yep! Why not?

[''Pans down to show his custom playmat''] And this is a lovely, custom, playmat I had, uh, printed... from uh... Custom... Ink, uh, it's got my, skylander... counterpart on it.

[''Holds camera down to plug the [[Xbox]] controller back in''] Excuse me this, chord unsti- unplug it's off, d- whynee- t'do dat? Stay in! Stay in. Hm, stay.

[''Pans up to show another monitor and then pans around the room''] Um, there's my monitor! Um, there things... it's that...

[''Shows [[Equestria Girls]] figures below monitor'']Um, uh, equestria girls... figures, and sympoa- hm... ther's my figure! And... there's [[Night_Star|Nightstar]] with... [[Kun_T’Nyuget|Kunt Nyuget]]! Yep! Anenereyouare!

[''Moves around and shows a printer covered in clutter''] Heh, ok um, there's, uh-I, clear it off when I'm printing or copying... me-uh, uh-don- uh.

[''Pans over to a box, but refers to a suspicious looking container on his desk just off to the left of the screen''] And that's... not what you think it is! It's just a little container of candy, ok? See? A container of, candy, and, s-musuruh, s- lu- toy! It's... candy, alright?

[''sighs, and shows the "That's Life" Snoopy book''] and, found this in the workshop, that's life, Snoopy, yep! That's life! It's crazy! Aaargh!

[''Walks over to and shows a stack of printed Sonichu comic books with some re-boxed custom painted amiibos on top''] Hm, there's... my... copies of my printed books so far, with uh... just a couple of things in the top...

[''Pans up to show gaming laptop''] There's my laptop, and...

[''Pans right to show binders of current Sonichu projects''] here are my current... binders of, projects, uh when I sit down in front of it I have a...

[''Walks over to and shows a cushioned folding chair''] I use this! Folding chair right here... uaah.

[''Pans down to some briefcases''] Then, that's my... pillowcase, it's got my medicine in it, like... I take daily, and...

[''Pans up to an easel and canvas with a lot of drawings on it.''] I stand- t-tuh- to draw nowadays, there's my- back up a bit- there's my, easel and canvas, uh, just see some things up there, I... draw on the board- on the clipboard on the top!

[''Walks over to and shows some games''] And, there's just, some other things, there's... some games I have- but something... fell.

[''Picks something up''] Gravity, it... happens.

[''Shows some art supplies and toys''] Euugh, other things I... just put stuff around here, for my... [''sigh'']... something I FORGET THE WORD, THERE!

[''Pans around in a circle to show the whole room''] What's the word? What's the word? Surroundings... from my surroundings, just... it's all I'm used to. And I've been used to, cluttered, type things, uh, pfff, life is. Um...

===The hallway (05:09-05:35)===

[''Pans to show the hallway''] Here's the hallway, and...

[''Shows the Poster of SLGBTQ pride cover''] That's... poster, with uh, Sarah, Christine and Roberta... Rosechus and Sonichu, uh... but other than this and that... um...

[''Pans over to the family photo drawing''] There's the family photo!

[''Walks down the hallway to show more art on the walls''] And, a little bit of, old art, here and there... in this hallway.

===The laundry room (05:35-06:05)===

[''Shows the laundry room, which despite the name has little to no room at all''] Um, laundry room, with... it's... I'll say blocked. Can't... already get to the back door but, we'll eventually clear it out.

[''Shows some filing cabinets and utilities''] There's... filing cabinets, and... a washer and dryer. Right there.

[''Walks back down hallway, and shows a calendar which is set to March 2018''] Um, there's my calendar, uh, with uh, moistures calendar above it, s- because I like, that artist Norman Roxwell, so did Mr. C and... a couple pictures of, me in my Sonichu form.

===Chris's room (06:05-07:53)===

[''Pans to look into his room in which the light is off''] Here's... my dru- lemme turn on the light

[''Turns on the light, Revealing a wooden bed with a pink duvet and a lot of clutter''] A'right there's my... bedroom, just...

[''Walks over to the bed''] And there's the bed. Ok? Um, and...

[''Shows dumbbells on the floor''] Dumbbells, because I do fifty reps a day, eh, I got my...

[''Shows some wrist weights and ankle weights that are on top of a cabinet''] Ankle and... wrist weights up there along with my, waist sucher that sweats it out... m'belly.

[''Shows a night shirt''] There's my night shirt!

[''Pans around to show an unorganised messy storage of clothes''] And, my other assortment of... clothes, I just... washed my tracksuit and cap today, and...

[''Pans around to show a dream catcher on the wall''] With this and that- I've just made that dream catcher, uh, ch- chandler, it opens the heart, 'n, th- hearts-

[''Shows very old sign from Bob's family''] and look what I found in the workshop today, huh? Uh, you can seeing this mis- Mr. C? My old man, you seeing that? Huh? Found it! Found it. And, it's hanging right here, now. Hehehe, uh

[''Pans left to show some precariously placed vinyl records, with [[Wikipedia: Bobbie_Gentry_and_Glen_Campbell|Bobbie Gentry and Glen Campbell]] at the front''] There's a, few records over there, just, hanging about.

[''Walks across the room to show more toys and some pictures and posters on the walls''] Uh, du- du- du- dududu, uh, other things, there's bear- uh- Bearstein, there's uh... photograph of, something my fan made me, and, picture of, uh, those things that I like from, uh, that's on my 3DS. Front and back of my 3DS, there. And, Milo and TV, with Daniel Ingram's autograph, and, Bronycon 2017 poster there, there's my, desk lamp. And... clock.

[''Pans past full sized trangender pride flag and lesbian pride flag''] Um, there's... lesbian pride- there's my, lesbi- there's my transgender flag, here's my... lesbian pride flag,

[''Walks over to and shows an iPhone''] I... this is my alarm clock, this... wakes me up about 6AM... It was my previous phone... um... um...

===Barb's room (07:53-08:34)===
[''Walks to the bottom of the stairs''] Oh and upstairs I don't wanna talk much, because my [[mother]] is up there, I don't want her to get suspicious, but... that's pretty much where my mother is... uh, and our [[Clover_and_Snoopy|dogs]]... sometimes our [[Chandler_Cats#Cats_currently_residing_at_14_Branchland_Court|cats]]. Aaand, she's got mostly [[Barbara_Chandler#Mental|boxes of her clothes]] up there. [''Sigh'']

[''Starts walking up the stairs''] So I'll just go with that, and I'll just- have a look.

[''Reaches the top of the stairs, and pans right to see Barb sleeping on a mattress [[Barbara_Chandler#Financial_problems|on the floor]]. She is surrounded by high piles of boxes of her own clothes that could easily fall and suffocate her, or [[Destruction_Of_Chris%27s_House|block firefighters]]. There is a laptop playing soothing music in there with her. Chris then walks into the kitchen and turns on the light and starts panning the camera around af the various objects''] A long else, ok.

===The kitchen (08:34-09:48)===
Uh, this- this is our kitchen, um, we don't have much room, because, we got s- stuff that's cluttered in here, ever since we moved back in, buut we get by, um, we have our... counter top, we have our... big old refrigerator, with, Batman poster and my mom likes batman, nanananananana... uh, microwave...

[''Shows a large amount of washing up that needs doing''] Uh, there's the sink! We have a... water filter system, so that's good. Um, I [[Chris_and_health#Diet_and_nutrition|cooked]] chicken earlier tonight... um weus- um, washer... dishwasher, doesn't work for some reason, I forget why. It was discussed after, when we were moving back in, um

[''Walks over to toolbox''] ahh, du- du- daa da- just- we- just see, there's tools in that toolbox, hum, mm, and out there we fee- we feed our outside cats there. Um, ok what else? What else, what else?

[''Wanders over to a cabinet full of canned food''] Um, uch we store, canned goods... there.

[''Pans down to an ironing board''] Owell oxcheny opfeny anchony ironing board here. Hm.

===The bathroom (09:48-10:26)===
[''Walks into the bathroom. The tub is visibly rimmed with filth''] This is our bathroom, our upstairs... bathroom, it could... do with a little TLC, whe-yip, um, whigonisiscome, ey- ir- uh- ihr- irhis- few more boxes.

[''Pans to a small built in cabinet''] Uh, that, and then... grandma's cabinet, uh, belonging to... my mother's mother. She wanted it, so, after [[Aunt_Corrina|Aunt Corrina]] died, so, she has that and we've got some things in out new, closet area there, there's- a door behind that that goes to... well, that would be the guest room there...

===The guest room (10:26-11:17)===
[''Walks to another door and opens it, revealing a very dark room''] And in here... is, turn on the light...

[''Turns on the light to reveal an extremely large number of dangerous stacked boxes.''] Um, this would have been the guest room, if it didn't... just store a bunch of our stuff in here. Um, it was our... craft room, there's a hutch-

[''Shows the other side of that door from before''] there's the door... which you just saw from the other side.

[''Pans down to show an interesting painting in the middle of a clutter pile''] There's a... picture there... and other things..

[''Shows a nice framed greyscale photograph of a young Barb which is on top of one of the box piles''] There's, a photograph of my mother, from many, many years ago, and other things...

[''Shows a disassembled light table stored among the box piles''] Over there is our, light table, it's disassembled, that needs to be- to put it's legs back on, ahh, de- de- doo, ah, what you see is, what you get with... everything, inside the boxes, possiposisos.

[''Leaves the room into the hallway''] Where's that light switch? I need to turn off the light.

===Chris's old room (11:17-12:43)===
[''Turns off the light, walks over to the door of his old room, and opens it''] Pretty much, last, and... kinda last, what was... bedroom, and, all that's lef- and glory, is now... more boxes.

[''The room is now filled with boxes and is very dark''] Just, over the boxes, um...

[''Turns to show a closet, but it is so dark that you can't see it''] New closet right here, and there's... boxes in there, uh, I don't know why this- ch- this phone's giving me- dim lighting on that, but, hm, anyway, uh, half this room is occupied by... my mother's boxes...

[''Zooms in onto various boxes Labelled as his mother's clothes''] Look! Clothes! Clothes... cloth, cloth, cloth, oh, [[Chris_and_Spanish|muchos ropas, ropas ropaas!]] [''Ropas is Spanish for clothes''] Hey einsme, and, all the way over here, is some... lots of cloth, some other things, the only boxes that are mine are pretty much, um, fffff- EEEUUUH...

[''Indicates to some boxes that he apparently owns''] Along there, there... there, there... there, uh, it pretty much ends... right. there, that's the corner, zoop, eeh, just- just seems,

[''Walks around and shows all the other various boxes and objects scattered around''] ye- uh, other things, uh, what was this for? MORE CLUTTER, things, I'd like to be able to uah- sort it out, but my mo- urgh just, wants me to- uh, so much clutter! AH, CLUTTER! Eugh, eh, so pretty much, um...

===Outro (12:43-13:03)===
[''Chris turns the camera back onto himself to end the video''] Ending it... what was... my bedroom, uh, that's pretty much it for the, inside the house tour, as it is today, so, [''sigh''] y-yup! Thank you very much, and, have a good day! Where is that button?

==Google Drive activity==
The [[Google Drive]] activity, screencapped while the file was still online, shows that it was uploaded on 9 [[March 2018]], moved to Trash on 14 March, restored on 3 [[May 2018]], and edited on 13 [[July 2018]]. At an unknown time, the file was deleted, as the Google Drive link no longer functions.<ref name=link></ref>

<center><gallery>
File:Google Drive IMG 7150 Activity1.png
File:Google Drive IMG 7150 Activity2.png
</gallery></center>

==See also==
*[[THAT IS MY HOUSE]] (2009)
*[[Tour of Chris's House]] (2009)
*[[Tour of Chris's House II]] (2013)

{{References}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Damaged original art for sale]]|nextlink= [[Selling Vintage Comic Books (Cole Smithey’s Comic Books)]]|}}

{{IdeaGuySaga}}
{{Troll Videos}}
{{Videos}}
[[Category:Chris's house]]
[[Category:Idea Guy Saga videos| 2018-03-09]]
[[Category:Leaked videos]]

Date with Catherine

2024-09-24T03:33:03Z

Got2Hands:

On 31 [[August 2014]], Chris went on a '''date with [[Catherine]]''', his then-(fake) love interest. Accompanying the two was Catherine's friend [[Cousin Al]], who alongside her [[manipulated]] Chris into believing he was on a date with Catherine. The conversation was released to the [[CWCki Forums]] by Cousin Al.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/catie-date-audio-part-1-first-30-minutes.7987/post-566865</ref>

The date took place at an Applebee's at [[Charlottesville]]. Cousin Al claimed to be tagging along because he needed to chauffeur Catherine, as her car was in the shop. For nearly three hours, the trio engaged in a pleasant chat which covered topics such as Chris's Cub Scouts experiences, high school bullying, his legal issues, and [[Barb]]'s teeth. Since the topic of marriage had previously been raised as a hypothetical, Chris was questioned about how, in a practical sense, he intended to juggle wife, children, mother, hoard and vidya as an ordinary family guy.

After lunch the trio took a brief [[IRL Tour of 14 Branchland Court|tour of 14 Branchland Court]], and ended the afternoon with a [[Rental House Tour|visit to the rental house]].
[[File:Applebees.jpg|thumb|right|300px|The setting for the fateful rendezvous.]]

==Summary==
* Chris fails to notice Catherine waving at him when he enters the restaurant, and gets seated separately.
* Chris gives Catie the "[[Three-Quarter Woman]]" CD and some artwork.
* Chris tells [[Christopher's name change|the story of why he changed his name]].
* Chris says that he got his "kilt" at Goodwill.
* Chris explains his gender to Al, stating that he's only "three-quarters woman" because he still has a [[duck]].
* Chris tells Al that he is interested in an "open relationship" with Catherine, and that they've been contemplating marriage.
* Chris says he's trying to overcome his hostility to [[homos|homosexual men]] in order to feel comfortable as a new member of the LGBT community.
* Chris struggles to explain his religious beliefs, saying that everyone believes in the same god, and that God is "neutral."
* Chris states that his [[Destruction Of Chris's House|house fire]] was caused by an extension cord looped over a door which had been abraded by the action of the door opening and closing.
* Chris also states that one of his two [[Chandler cats|cats]] died in the fire.
* Chris doesn't know if [[Bob Chandler|his father]] served in World War Two or the Korean War.
* Chris says that he was kicked out of the Cub Scouts for his failure to control his [[Chris and anger|anger]].
* He also discusses the early treatment he received for his [[autism]] while he was mute.
* Chris knows nothing about health insurance matters, or whether his wife would be covered by his plan.
* Chris demonstrates that he doesn't understand the basics of [[Spanish]] pronunciation.
* For Catherine's benefit, Chris plays up his British heritage, especially the links to royalty.
* Chris states that essentially the only time he has left his house during his entire life was [[Anime Mid-Atlantic|a weekend in 2004]].
* Chris explains how the [[trolls]] stopped him from drawing [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]. Catherine and Al try to persuade him to start it up again, but he is clearly uninterested.
* Chris brags about reading an entire [[Wikipedia]] article.
* Chris wears [[Bob]]'s wedding ring in his memory.
* Chris's duct tape wallet, inspired by Mythbusters, is falling apart.
* We discover that [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] is estranged from nearly her entire family.
* Chris still believes that [[Michael Snyder]] bribed the [[jerkops|police]] to have him and his mother arrested on [[28 October 2011]]. He believes he did nothing wrong, even though he has no idea what [[Rob Bell|his lawyer]]'s defense was.
* Chris is adamant that Catie move in with he and Barb after they get married. He thinks Barb can take care of any children. Her health is improving because ''he'' is happier.
* Chris voted for [[Barack Obama]] twice because he felt he could personally relate to him better than his opponents.
* He thinks the [[trolls|trolling]] started because they thought his [[Chris and art|artwork]] was "childish."
* Chris explains why he had to ride on the handicapped bus in [[Manchester High School|high school]].
* Chris believes he started playing video games on his father's [[Commodore 64]] at six months of age.
* Chris also believes his high school [[gal-pals]] recently abandoned him because the trolls told them he was [[homos|gay]].
* Al tells Chris he'll have to shape up if he wants to marry Catie.

==Audio==
Below is the combined audio file for the date, originally released in nine sections.

{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Catie Date Conversation
| audio = {{#ev:archiveorg|cwccatiedatecomplete}}
| Stardate = 31 [[August 2014]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[Catherine]], Al
| Saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Catherine|text}}, {{Sonic Boom|text}}
| previous =
| next =
}}

==Part One==
===Transcript===

====It begins====

[Part 1 00:00]

'''Chris''': Catherine!

'''Catherine''': Hi! Hi sweetheart, we're sitting over here. [garbled]

'''Chris''': Oh, I'm sorry.

'''Catherine''': I’m sorry, we’re sitting back here. Sorry, I thought you saw me and ran off [garbled]. Why did you sit down over here?

'''Chris''': I’m sorry, well, um…

'''Catherine''': This is my cousin Al.

'''Al''': Yeah, Catie, uh, her car was in the garage so I gave her a ride, so, yeah.

'''Catherine''': Come sit down.

'''Chris''': You got here ear-, I thought you were going to get here, like, ten minutes…

'''Catherine''': We thought so too, but we ended up spending less time at the mechanic’s than we thought. We have to drop my car off, so he's my lift.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': It’s nice to finally meet you.

'''Chris''': You’re here!

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Yup, I’m here.

'''Chris''': I’m so glad.

'''Catherine''': I’m glad to meet you as well. I like your earrings, they’re very pretty.

'''Chris''': Thank you. I like your earrings too.

'''Catherine''': Oh thank you. [garbled] How have you been?

'''Chris''': I’ve been doing very well, thank you.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, we got here a little earlier than I thought.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': You’re acting [garbled]

'''Al''': Oh yeah, I’m fine. Yeah, I haven’t eaten anything all day, so I’m just, yeah.
[[File:Chris Chan CD discovery.png|thumb|right|The mix CD.]]
'''Catherine''': Sorry, we didn’t get you anything to drink, because we didn't know what you would be drinking.

'''Chris''': This is for you.

'''Catherine''': Is this what…? Oh my goodness, this is amazing. He, He’s made me a [[Three-Quarter Woman|mix CD]].

'''Chris''': Yeah, and there’s a story that goes with it, plus the printout about the details of your birthday. And the two drawings I drew for you so far.

'''Catherine''': That’s so amazing. Nobody’s ever done anything like this for me before. I’ll put it in my purse, so it doesn’t get hurt on the table.

'''Chris''': Well I think this date’s going pretty good so far.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I should hope so.

'''Chris''': (to Al) Oh I’m sorry, what was your name again?

'''Al''': Oh, I’m Al.

'''Chris''': Al. It’s nice to meet you.

'''Al''': You can call me Big Al, but, yeah.

'''Chris''': OK. Well, I say for us you’re a lifesaver for bringing her here.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': (to waitress) Yeah bring me a sweet tea, and do y’all have cream here?

'''Waitress''': We have half and half, and one percent milk.

'''Chris''': Yeah, half and half. Yeah, and bring me some half and half cream please.

'''Waitress''': With uh, I’m sorry, what did you want to drink?

'''Chris''': Just sweet tea.

'''Catherine''': Can we do two separate checks please?

[mumbling]

'''Chris''': Yeah OK, well that’s fine, I mean...

'''Catherine''': Sorry, we did, I thought we agreed…

'''Chris''': Yeah, we did agree, yeah.

'''Catherine''': OK.

'''Chris''': I just…

'''Catherine''': I’m just making sure, I don't want to upset you.

'''Chris''': Yeah, no upset, no upset.

====Introductions====

'''Al''': So, Chris, is your name Christian or is it Christopher…?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah, my legal name now is Christian, but I was born Christopher. Yeah, I had, yeah, there’s a [[Christopher's name change|fun story behind that name change]]. There was a bear band over at, uh, Regency Square in [[Chesterfield County]]. Shopping center? Yeah, it was kind of about when I was ten or eleven. We went over there, my mom, my family and I did, and uh, the guy behind the bear was English, so when I told him my name was Christopher, his, he misunderstood and he called me Christian.

'''Catherine''': [?]

'''Chris''': Yes it did.

'''Al''': Cool. So that was it? You just changed your name all like that?

'''Chris''': Well, yeah but, yeah, but yeah, we changed my name and then had legally changed after we moved to [[Richmond]], for prob, for probably middle school and education and all that. Yeah.

'''Al''': So have you ever lived anywhere outside of [[Virginia]] then, or…?

'''Chris''': No. Uh, no I did uh, go to, my mom and I, we went to California one time to see my half-brother [[Joseph Cole Smithey]]. And actually, you know what, without the glasses, you look remarkably like him. He has videos on line.

'''Al''': Really?

'''Chris''': Yeah, he’s a movie critic. He has a website, ColeSmithey.com.

'''Al''': Cool.

'''Catherine''': I nearly brought it up, I'd kind of forgotten about it. [garbled]

'''Al''': OK. You seem like you have pretty important family. It’s something you should be proud of.

'''Chris''': Yeah, well, [[Bob Chandler|my father]] was a retired engineer from General Electric. He designed the controls for quasi motor machines, steel mills and all that. So without him, you wouldn’t have these plastic glasses.

'''Catherine''': I think they’re glass.

'''Chris''': Oh. Well, I’m sorry…

'''Al''': Like Plexiglass, I don’t know, so…

'''Catherine''': Yeah, I’m not a glass expert.

'''Chris''': Well anyway, he helped in the progress of that. That’s pretty much all that matters there.

'''Al''': But you like, uh, of all the places you’ve been, you like Virginia the best then, or…?

'''Chris''': Yeah, pretty much, uh, I mean, yeah, I like Virginia very well. It’s my home state and everything but I’m very much looking to travel with Catherine.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, I thought it would be…Yeah, if I had the money I’d be, I’d be really excited to travel like that. If my gig at the library fell through, I’m back to uh, I’m back to square one again, I guess.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Well, I’m sure, uh, you know, you hang out, stick with, stick with me, kid, we’ll get you a gig [pronounced “jig”] at a library yet.

'''Al''': Yep. So Chris, do you eat here a lot, or…?

'''Chris''': Um, not, [[List of restaurants|not very often, sometimes]].

'''Catherine''': [?]

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I mean, I’ve been to Applebee's before, but this is… I’ve been here ages ago with a friend of mine, that's how I knew it existed, that’s why I suggested it. I haven’t been here in a really long time.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Uh, I try to remember what it was I usually like to get, the one that comes with the spinach-mushroom cap.

[phone vibrates]

'''Al''': Eh. You know what, I’m on a diet, but I’m just thinking like, fuck it, you know, gonna eat what I want, so…

'''Catherine''': Mind your language.

'''Al''': Oh….

'''Chris''': It’s okay, it’s okay around me.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': We’re trying to get back down to uh, the original way, so…

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': “Trying” being the key word, I think.

'''Chris''': That’s reasonable.

'''Al''': I’m just pretty outspoken, Chris, I speak my mind, you know, so…

'''Chris''': That’s fine.

[The waitress comes. Phone vibrates again.]

'''Chris''': You have a straw for me there? Thank you. [To his date:] You know, lately when I’ve been drinking sweet tea from [[McDonald's|McDonald’s]], and gettin’ the half and half in there, I feel uh, my leg[?], uh, I feel the taste of it going down, you know, I think of, I wr, I sr, I think of you and the love-

'''Al''': If you want to order you can go ahead, I’m still looking for the moment, so...

'''Catherine''': Can I get the turkey bacon and avocado sandwich please?

'''Waitress''': [?]
[[File:Classic Clubhouse Grille.jpg|thumb|right|The Clubhouse Grille. 1120 calories.]]
'''Catherine''': I feel weird ordering alone.

'''Chris''': That’s OK. Yeah I guess I’ll have the Clubhouse Grille.

'''Al''': You know what? Um… [Laughs] I think, um, do you have any appetizers or anything?

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, look at the front of the menu, there’s appetizers. Oh, and anything with an apple beside it, that’s healthy good.

'''Al''': Let’s just get, let’s get the appetizer, uh, sampler. Sure.

'''Chris''': Sounds like a good idea.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': If you don’t know what you want, sampler’s always good.

'''Al''': Yup.

'''Waitress''': And would you like your wings mild, barbecue, sweet and spicy, or hot?

'''Catherine''': [?]…so whatever you guys want is fine with me.

'''Al''': Um…What were the options again ma’am?

'''Waitress''': Mild wings, barbecued, sweet and spicy, or hot.

'''Al''': Barbecue.

'''Catherine''': At least you get a little bit [?]

'''Al''': No, no, [mumbling between Al and Catherine]

'''Chris''': Anyway, yeah, my van’s good to go, so I can drive you anywhere as well.

'''Catherine''': Hopefully [?] because it was a long drive. [?] The check engine light came on; it could be anything.

'''Chris''': Yeah, it could be anything. I’ve had that happen before a number of times.

====Understanding the whole tomgirl thing====

'''Catherine''': I see you wore your, um, [[tomgirl]] best today.

'''Chris''': My best? Yes. Kilt.

'''Catherine''': Oh yeah. Yeah, you are wearing a kilt.

'''Chris''': Or at least kilt-patterned. It was the only thing I could find at the [[Chris and fashion|Goodwill]] there, that fit, that fit me. I think there was anudder one, but I think it was like, smaller.

'''Catherine''': Yeah. [garbled] limited sizes.

'''Al''': Chris, I’m not trying to be offensive or nothin’, but what’s, what’s this whole “tomgirl” thing? I just, I just don’t understand.

'''Chris''': Oh, it’s essentially where I’m uh, it’s like tomboy, where women are interested in boys’ things and high activity, I’m in, I’m into more feminine things.

'''Al''': So, you’re like a cross-dresser then, or…?

'''Chris''': Yes, I’m, yes, you can call me a tranny. I accepted that. [[Homos#Chris and transgender topics|Lesbian tomgirl transgender may-ul]]. So I’m three-quarters woman.

'''Al''': OK.

'''Chris''': The only difference is the, uh, is [[duck|the body]]. Heh. [Chuckles]

'''Al''': Yeah. You certainly have a unique fashion sense, I’ll say that. So.

'''Catherine''': It is fairly unique.

'''Chris''': Fairly unique, but I’m sure I could be shapened up a little more sophisticated or whatever.

'''Catherine''': There's always room for improvement for everybody, I think.

'''Chris''': Yeah, I think so.

'''Al''': I dunno, I’m not in transsexual, tomgirl, tomboy, I just, yeah, I’m not into any of that, so I just didn’t know, so…

'''Chris''': That’s OK.

'''Al''': I’m just curious. So.

'''Chris''': I’m guessing you, you have your own girlfriend then, huh?

'''Catherine''': He's between girlfriends.

'''Al''': Yeah, at the moment, yeah, I’m between girlfriends.

'''Chris''': Well, don’t, if you don’t break one’s heart, uh, you gotta make sure you pick the one that makes you feel more happy.

'''Al''': I, I prefer not to get tied down. I just go from girl to girl really, so…

'''Chris''': Eh. Oh boy, regular heartbreaker here. Heh heh.

'''Al''': Yeah, well, what can I say.

'''Chris''': Regular heartbreaker on the road, driving the [[Wikipedia:The Dukes of Hazzard|General Lee]]. Huh huh.

'''Al''': Shit. No, I try not to be too mean about it, you know, I just…

'''Chris''': Well, that’s OK, we’re all reas-, we’re all reasonable adults.

'''Al''': I just prefer, I just prefer not to get tied down, you know? It’s like, hey, if I’m with a girl, you know, somebody cuter comes along, not serious, you know what I mean? So…

'''Chris''': OK. Well, as long as you make it clear that it’s not serious.

'''Al''': Yeah, I do. I do.

'''Chris''': OK, well that’s good.

'''Catherine''': I’d hate to be treated like that. [?]

'''Al''': Golden Rule, you know? Treat other people like you like to be treated. So.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Yeah, I agree with that as well. I like to be…

'''Catherine''': It’s the Golden Rule, do unto others.

'''Chris''': [[Chris and hypocrisy|Do unto others as you would have done unto you]].

'''Catherine''': You know it!

'''Chris''': Yes I do.

====The relationship and its future====

'''Al''': So Catie, how did, how did you and Chris meet?

'''Catherine''': Oh that’s right, I haven’t told you yet. Um, we met on a dating site.

'''Chris''': [[OKCupid]].

'''Catherine''': Yeah, OKCupid, we met. Actually it was while I was overseas.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': While I was at [?].

'''Al''': So you move, so you get around a lot, so the online dating thing, it usually works for you as far as…

'''Catherine''': Yeah, well, it sort of did after, well, after I moved to [?] I didn’t know anybody.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': So. Well I knew the roommates, but that doesn’t really count. So. It was just sort of [?] and then you got in touch with me again when I was overseas.

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Catherine''': You said you were scared of responding.

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, because of the internet [[trolls]] and cyber-bullies. I’ve had a lot of bad experiences with them. Eh, I don’t want to get into that too much right now.

'''Al''': Fair enough.

'''Chris''': You know, I responded to her, and she responded very kindly, and we kind of got to know each other. Hooked [pronounced hook-ed] up very well, hooked up emotionally and everything, right?

'''Catherine''': Yeah, for the last few weeks, and we’re finally getting to meet.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': You seemed pretty excited about it; you said you were hopping all over your house.

'''Chris''': [Laughs] Not all over, but I did jump, I did jump up and down.

'''Catherine''': Yeah? Were you really excited about it?

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Catherine''': Were you really concerned I wouldn’t be here?

'''Chris''': Yes, I was concerned at points, but I try to keep pos-, I try to be optimistic. I mean this thing has been so real so far.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': [[Love Quest|It all comes to fruition]].

'''Catherine''': I’m real, so…

'''Chris''': And I’m real too.

'''Catherine''': So it all works out.

'''Chris''': Yes it does.

'''Al''': Yep. So what, what are your goals, plans, whatever? You guys gonna get married or what?

'''Chris''': Well, we might.

'''Catherine''': We might do one day. It’s going pretty well so far, so...

'''Chris''': Yeah, I think, I’m thinking we would probably be together more often, I hope.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, I mean, you were talking about wanting to get married too, so…

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Catherine''': You said you wanted to be in the next five years or so.

'''Chris''': Yeah, within the next five years. I mean, that, but that’s up to you, though, when you, when you feel ready to get married, I’ll be, I’ll be there by your side, at the chapel. Heh heh!

'''Catherine''': I should hope so.

'''Chris''': Me too.

'''Catherine''': Well you said, I want my marriage to be forever.

'''Chris''': Yes, me too, I want permanent thing as well. And you know I am, and I’m still full supportive of who you are as well. Remember?
[[File:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|right|Chris is interested in an open relationship.]]
'''Catherine''': Yeah, the um…

'''Chris''': Open relationship.

'''Al''': So you got open relationship?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah, I, yeah, I fully support her, you know, you know, as a bi, I’m sure.

'''Al''': So, you’re OK with her being with other women?

'''Chris''': Yeah. If that… I have other ideas…

'''Al''': Does that include other men too?

'''Chris''': Um, well, optionally for her, uh, but, for me I would, I would definitely, I would, if I felt up to it it would be with anudder woman definitely. But, she’s expressed her interest in other women as well. I mean, I don’t want to go too much into that, it sounds a little bit embarrassing.

'''Al''': Chris, Chris, you love her, right?

'''Chris''': Yes I do, I care about her.

'''Al''': So, why would you be OK with her having sex with other men?

'''Chris''': Well…

'''Al''': I mean, that’s a fair question.

'''Chris''': It’s a fair question, yes. It’s more like, uh, if I can’t satisfy her, if she feels lack of satisfaction, I’m, I made it very clear for her that our relationship would be honest and loyal to each other, so, as long as she, as long as she lets me know that she f-, if she feels like she needs to see somebody else, then that’s fine. I’ll let her go and uh…

'''Al''': So sort of like an open marriage thing where each of you can see other people?

'''Chris''': Mm. Well, we’re not gonna marry other people…

'''Catherine''': Oh no…

'''Al''': So just like, see other people.

'''Chris''': Yeah, just like see other people. It’s like to take a break from each other as well. Because I’ve, I’ve learned a lot from a lot of [[Chris and television|television]] about how, where marriages end up bad, because one cheats on the other? Yeah, but this way it’s an open relationship, so we’re being honest with each other, and I just f-, I’ve come to terms with that being a part of a hap, of a, of a healthier relationship. I mean, you know, even modernly, sometimes the couples, the married couples will sleep in separate rooms if they felt need to.

'''Al''': Sleep in separate rooms? Like after a fight or something, maybe, or…?

'''Chris''': Essentially-- if they get married and they decide,...

[Part one ended]

==Part Two==
===Transcript===
====The relationship and its future CONTINUED====
'''Chris''': ...it’s like, they don’t, one doesn’t feel comfortable sleeping right next to the other, so they end up with separate rooms, but they still love each other and care f’ each other. In fact, it broadens the relationship better that way. It’s healthier. It gives, it gives them more room to breathe.

'''Al''': So that, have you had relationships like that then where you’ve been at a distance…

'''Chris''': Um, no I haven’t, well, I haven’t had too many relationships, really. Um. But yeah, there was uh, one where sh-, where one, where one, there was [[Megan|one girl]] who definitely, definitely wanted me to keep my distance from her. She thought I was getting too close to her. [sigh] And that’s where I learned how to restrain, to keep my hands to myself for a while. That…

'''Catherine''': I suppose you feel very strongly about [[Women's rights|respecting a woman’s boundaries]].

'''Chris''': Oh yes, I do. I mean, I was kind of, I was just so excited, mm, to see you and everything…I was just, I just jumped up and hugged you like I did there.

'''Catherine''': I tried, I tried to wave to you in the entrance so you saw me.

'''Chris''': Oh I’m sorry, I was, um, that’s part of my, where my eyes wander in other directions, that’s the [[autism]]. Autistic people typically tend to have trouble making eye contact. Eh, but for me, it’s kind of like, yeah, I have to, my eyes wander and then I have to regain my grounds in my head and, you know, just try to reestablish eye contact as quickly as possible.

====Autism, LGBT, and God====

'''Al''': Yeah. So you’re autistic then?

'''Chris''': High functioning autistic. Yeah.

'''Al''': So what’s, what’s that like, you have trouble making eye contact?

'''Chris''': Well that’s one thing. It’s also with uh, [[CWC-isms|communication skills]]. I did a whole [[LittleBigPlanet]] seven-part, well six-part plus bonus, [[Autism Tutorial|animation talk about autism]] and my perspective, so…

'''Al''': What? I don’t even know what that is.

'''Chris''': LittleBigPlanet, it’s a [[PlayStation 3]] game.

'''Al''': Oh.

'''Chris''': And then there’s LittleBigPlanet 2 which that’s, where it gets, it gets more into you’re able to animate. Yeah, you create your own custom levels and, within them, in LittleBigPlanet 2 and so on, you get to create your own mini-movies.

'''Al''': So it’s like a video game then.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': OK. Cool.

'''Chris''': And then, and then you upload them to the, uh, internet, from the PlayStation Network you can also pretty much videotape record them.

'''Catherine''': Sorry, my hair is…

'''Al''': Oh yeah, no problem.

'''Chris''': That’s OK.

'''Catherine''': I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…

'''Chris''': I w-, I wanted to tell ya, I wanted to tell you this in person but, I really love your, I really like your red hair, the way it is.

'''Catherine''': Thank you.

'''Chris''': It makes, it makes me think of strawberry jam. [[Chris and sex|It makes me wanna jam.]]

'''Catherine''': I’ve never heard that one before. That’s an interesting descriptor. I’ve never actually considered that one before.

'''Al''': Yeah. Well you’re wearing a red shirt, so at least your shirt and hair match…

'''Chris''': Yeah, I like, I like wearing, [[Chris and fashion|I like wearing bold colors]].

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah, that’s pretty much where I’m trying to reestablish, being more comfortable being LGBT—Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans. And wh, their pride parades and everything.

'''Al''': You said now that you’re more comfortable, so is that like a recent thing with you?

'''Chris''': Yeah, it came, yeah, I pr-, yeah I became, I became more comfortable with it recently being part of it, and let my, and let myself become part of it and supporting the equal rights, equal rights. I signed up with the [[Wikipedia:Human Rights Campaign|Human Rights Campaign]], and bought a few things off their store.

'''Catherine''': You said, oh I didn’t know you actually bought something. I thought you were just thinking about it.

'''Chris''': Yeah, yeah, pur-, yeah, purchased them, purchased them like, um, I think, sometime between last Thursday or Saturday. It takes about, it takes about up to ten days, uh…

'''Catherine''': OK.

'''Chris''': I feel like I’ll get back to them maybe early next week.

'''Catherine''': Probably when I was traveling then.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': I picked a lovely, yeah, I picked out a lovely shirt for you too. I showed you a picture?

'''Catherine''': You did. I hope it fits.

'''Chris''': I hope it fits too, you know, it’s XL versus two X. That’s uh, one X. Heh. I saw the number and, I saw the two X and I thought and remembering it later one X. It turns out that’s XL. I hope it does fit.

'''Catherine''': It probably will.

'''Al''': So you said the LBGT, what is it, LGBT?

'''Catherine''': Yeah, LGBT.

'''Al''': LGB, whatever.

'''Catherine''': Lesbian, gay, trans…

'''Al''': Lesbian, gay, trans, yeah OK. So you said that’s just something you’ve became comfortable with? So was…?

'''Chris''': Become, become comfortable being part of. Yeah, I had, I pretty much had my mental backdrops with uh, the [[homos|homosexual males]], especially. Especially since the majority of the trolls and cyber-bullies were homosexual men.

'''Al''': So basically these gay guys were all bullying you, or…?

'''Chris''': Yeah, a lot of them were bullying me, pestering me, sending me these [[Masturbating and squirtin'|lewd…images]], imagery, and...

'''Catherine''': [?] getting a lot of that.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I mean you mentioned it, but you didn’t really talk with me about that.

'''Chris''': Yeah, I haven’t really gone to, into depth about all of that, but…

'''Catherine''': I figured there was somebody in Ohio talking about, the other day.

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, that was like, uh, essentially somebody in, that’s the [[Chris and religion|higher force]] about, uh, yeah everybody, everybody has names for god, Emanuel, Buddha, whatever. But essentially it’s the one same elemental force, probably that guy up in the stars that Matt Groening best describes as that star cluster in [[Futurama]] that Bender talks to.

'''Al''': What guy?

'''Chris''': Heh. Yeah. “Are you God?” “Possibly. I go by many names.”

'''Al''': So you’re saying something about Ohio? God lives in Ohio then?

'''Chris''': No no no, higher force.

'''Al''': Oh.

'''Chris''': He's above us, is like in the stars, so that’s why, that’s pretty much what I consider we call “neutrally” as. Like, like, like yeah, I guess it’s the one, you know, I guess God would definitely be more neutral and more accepting since everybody knows that word.

'''Al''': Well.

'''Chris''': I even made like a bit about that when I got, when I’m watching this, I let all the uh, bullies and trolls at one point. I talked about the higher force and messing with our heads and, I did bring up that he is, that that is God essentially, I would think. I mean, I, I mean, somebody who looks like, I mean, people portray God as like being human, pretty much. But then, there’s that joke in that episode of [[South Park]], the Millennium episode where the man looked like this cluster of animals. He had a [[HippoOnYourHead|hippopotamus head]]! But yeah I…

'''Al''': You watch South Park?

'''Catherine''': I don't watch South Park. You watch a lot of television, though, don’t you?

'''Chris''': Yeah. [[Chris and television|“TV! We talk TV! Do you talk some TV?”]] Heh heh.

'''Catherine''': I don’t know what that’s from.

'''Chris''': Oh that’s from the [[Transformers]] movie. The original animated.

'''Catherine''': I haven’t seen it.

'''Al''': You sound like you’re a big film and cinema and TV fan.

'''Chris''': Oh yeah. My fam, my family raised me on [[Chris and music|music]] and [[Mary Poppins|musicals]] and television and whatnot, so, and then pretty much, uh, I was inside a lot and by myself, uh, I really wasn’t as sociable as I’ve grown up to be much more better at.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah, so I pretty much had time for watching movies and television.

====The house fire====

'''Catherine''': Oh, I did mean to ask, how is your uh, I remember you were having some trouble with your landlord in the [[Rental House|rental house]].

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, my, Debbie our uh, Debbie our uh…

'''Catherine''': How’d that go for you? Did you manage to get all that figured out?

'''Chris''': Claims, yeah our claims agent made the call. Yeah we got our lease extended until the end of November.

'''Catherine''': Oh you got that in stone now then?

'''Chris''': Yes, we’re good.

'''Catherine''': Oh, that’s good.

'''Chris''': And also they’re gonna start working on the renovation of [[14 Branchland Court|our house]], uh…

'''Al''': Are you guys like remodeling then or something?

'''Chris''': Oh no, we had a [[Destruction Of Chris's House|house fire]] last January.

'''Al''': That sucks, man, hey, I’m sorry to hear, dude.

'''Chris''': Thank you.

'''Al''': That sucks.

'''Chris''': Thank you, Al.

'''Al''': No problem, man. But what, what happened with the fire?

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, we…

[the food arrives]

'''Al''': Oh boy! [laughs]

'''Chris''': Wow, now that’s a sampler!

'''Al''': That’s what I call a sam--, you want anything, Chris, or…?

'''Chris''': Well, we’ll see how I feel after I have my sandwich.

'''Catherine''': Thank you very much.

'''Al''': Yeah, no problem. Wow.

'''Waitress''': Do you guys need anything else right now?

'''Chris''': I think we’ll be OK.

'''Catherine''': Alright, thank you very much.

'''Chris''': You want ketchup for your fries?

'''Catherine''': Um, yes please, I’ll start in on them a bit later. I’ll be alright.

'''Chris''': I’ll just put it back here then. Uh, so anyway, the house fire, it was electrical. We had just, I had just plugged in a coffee brewer, Kruger, Keurig brand? Yeah. Yeah anyway, the extension, there was one plugged in extension cord that was going into the bathroom, the [paper?] was outside on the top of the, top of the dresser in the hallway. Pretty much the way the situation was, was it was in there, the door to the bathroom was j-, was kept open? So I, and uh, cord was shorter than I thought and I ended up having to loop it over the door, and that part just where, it’s hard to get up to where finally get there, it starts, and that’s pretty much how the fire started on the top.

'''Catherine''': I don't think you ever told me why you have a coffee maker in the bathroom.

'''Chris''': Oh, yeah, No, no, it’s not in the bathroom, it’s out-, it was outside the bathroom.

'''Catherine''': Oh.

'''Chris''': Anyway, that’s how the fire started, and we all got out safe.

'''Catherine''': I don't know why you'd have that plugged in there. That seems like a really odd place for a coffee maker.

'''Al''': Yeah I always put the coffee maker in the kitchen or something.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Well, we do have a coffee, we do have another coffee maker now and that’s in the kitchen. And I can brew tea in it as well.

'''Catherine''': I mean [?] aren’t designed to do that.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Well anyway, we all got out safe ‘cept for one of our two [[Chandler Cats|cats]], which that was a shame. We buried that cat in the backyard, uh, after the cleaners found it.

'''Al''': So your cat died then? Or one of them?

'''Chris''': Yeah, one cat. We have another, we have, the other cat was safe. She got out safe. Both of our dogs. We have beagles. Purebred beagles. Their names are [[Clover and Snoopy|Snoopy and Clover]]. Yeah, you know…

'''Catherine''': Did you adopt them from the shelter?

'''Chris''': Oh no, we went way out of our way to another part of Virginia to pretty much go to this puppy farm. Yeah. [baby voice] There were like three little beagles and they were all so cute!

'''Catherine''': A puppy farm’s not good then.

'''Chris''': Uh well…

'''Catherine''': Don’t they just like breed them in boxes?

'''Chris''': Um, no, they were, they were let out a lot of… Yeah, they had them out-, they had the three remaining puppies outside in a small wire gate. They were just [] little puppies, but I’m sure, I’m sure it’s [?]

'''Catherine''': I always heard that puppy farms were a bad thing, [?] all the time and [?] I’ve heard, it’s possible that I’m wrong, but I’ve heard that…

'''Al''': You went to a puppy farm? Where it’s just that grow puppies to sell them or something?

'''Catherine''': Yeah, like that.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Yeah, I don’t know. I don’t know anything about it.

'''Chris''': Yeah well OK well, I know a little, a little about puppy farms, especially also this place, that’s where Snoopy came from, the Daisy Hill Puppy Farm. Uh, not our Snoopy, Peanuts’ Snoopy.

'''Catherine''': My parents, they got a dog called Snoopy.

'''Chris''': Yeah, and then, I’ll tell you a story behind Clover. There was, in generation two, of [[My Little Pony]], of My Little Pony Tales, there was a pony named Clover. I pretty much liked her among the main cast during that, during that season. I felt like I could relate to her, so… plus also…

[clapping in the background]

'''Chris''': Yeah, somebody’s having a birthday.

'''Al''': Yeah, I’d say that.

[birthday noise continues]

'''Al''': So Chris, you’re saying that your house fire got started by some appliance, that Keurig…?

'''Chris''': Yeah, the Keurig coffee brewer was plugged into the extension cord plugged into the bathroom wall, and the fire happened at the arch where it was over the door frame, over the door.

'''Al''': Oh, I was gonna say, if it was the, the coffee maker, I would have sued the hell out of them, those bastards.

'''Chris''': Yeah, but, yeah but we thought for, for a while that’s what we’d sue the coffee brewer, but the… Unfortunately, it turned out to be the extension cord after the fire inspector confirmed that.

'''Al''': Oh.

'''Chris''': My uncle, my uncle [[Minor Family Members|Tom Ashby]], who married my, uh, aunt who was actually, uh, my blood aunt, uh, so you know, uncle, in-law, sort of, but anyway, Tom Ashby is a retired fire inspector. And they live over in Chesterfield County now. They recently moved out of the house, moved into like a condominium.

'''Catherine''': But why was it plugged in there? Your coffee maker was plugged into the extension cord, it's an electrical thing [?]

'''Chris''': Uh, we didn’t have one that was closer.

'''Catherine''': Closer?

'''Al''': Well maybe how…

'''Catherine''': [?] house?

'''Al''': When was your house built? Do you know?

'''Chris''': [stress sigh] It was built before I was born, so, before my parents got married, so before 1980.

'''Al''': So I’m saying a lot of those older houses, there’s not enough exten-, like, outlets, so they gotta run extension cords to get to places. Was that it, or…?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah, pretty much. Of course also, the nearest plug socket that we had was behind a really big, where the coffee maker was, the closest one there was behind a really big dresser. And the house was cluttered, it had lots of stuff. [[Bob Chandler|My father]], as old as he was, he died September of 2011, two midnights and a quarter hour later, after he turned 84.

'''Al''': Uh huh.

'''Chris''': He had heart problems.

'''Al''': That must have sucked.

'''Chris''': Yeah. And we still had all these narrow hallways, everything was cluttered. And [[Barbara Chandler|my mom]] made uh, has impulsive issues, goes to Goodwill sometimes and didn’t [?] much either, but you know, that is like, God is telling us, “Hey Barbara,” – that’s my mother’s name, Barbara—“Uh, hey Barbara, I’ll make it easier for ya. There you go –fire, get out of the house. You go save what you are able to and I’ll take care of…”

'''Al''': Wait, who said that?

'''Chris''': Uh, my mom, my mom came up with this, it’s like, God was telling her, “Hey Barbara, I’ll make it easy for ya.” Yeah, cause she was concerned about all the clutter as well and didn’t know where to put it.

'''Catherine''': Is that, is that how she’s coping?

'''Chris''': Uh, that’s one way she’s coping. She’s coping in a lot of ways in her head. She’s, I mean, she can tell you a lot, a lot of stories and interesting facts.

'''Al''': So your mother thinks that God was telling her to move out of the house? So he, God burnt it then? Is that what she believes, or…?

'''Chris''': That’s, that’s, that’s one idea she has. Another theory that my mother ha-, another belief my mother has about God is that uh, the energy inside us is God. So it’s like, you know, millions of gods around the world.

'''Al''': So you, you believe in some sort of higher being then. So your mother, so are you a pretty religious guy, or…?

'''Chris''': Well I, uh, I'm fairly religious. I just, uh, I just, I just take all the good about from, I learn at least a little bit about every aspect of religion.

[Part two ended]

==Part Three==
===Transcript===
====The house fire CONTINUED====

'''Chris''': And uh, just, and I took it, and then my father said, “Everyone believes in the same God.” So, I was thinking to live with that and I leave it with you know, the one higher force and just…

'''Catherine''': Your dad said that?

'''Chris''': Yeah. Everybody…

'''Catherine''': Other people believe in different gods.

'''Chris''': Yeah well it’s, yeah, but it’s essentially the one same god.

'''Al''': So you’re saying it’s like different versions of the same god, different incarnations of the same god?

'''Chris''': Yeah, pretty m-, yeah, let’s go with that, yeah.

'''Catherine''': Fair enough.

====Bob and Chris's early years====
[[File:Chris Korean War Graphic.jpg|thumb|right|The Nazis advance on Seoul, 1942.]]
'''Al''': [[Bob Chandler|Your father]] sounds like a very worldly man. Did he travel a lot?

'''Chris''': Mm. [Chris is eating.] That’s a tasty sandwich. Yes he, he has traveled the world some. He was stationed in [[honor roll|Seoul, Korea during World War…Two]], in the Signal Corps.

'''Al''': World War Two?

'''Chris''': Well, civil, [stumbles and slurs]

'''Al''': The Korean War happened after World War Two.

'''Chris''': OK, maybe the Korean War, I don’t know. Anyway, he was, but anyway, he was stationed in Seoul, Korea.

'''Al''': And what did he do in the army?

'''Chris''': He was, he was in the Signal Corps. He uh, helped maintain the satellite feeds and uh, all the mechanics over there.

'''Al''': Like the communications and stuff like that.

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Al''': So how long was he in the army? When did he get out?

'''Chris''': Uh. [sigh] I’m not sure I remember. I have in a keepsake box he kept some of his, he kept his Boy Scout badges that he earned. I’m not sure from when he was, from when he was a boy, or… He was a Scout troop leader at one point in his life. His Scout, his Scout troop, his group, his Scout troop made a wallet for him. And he wanted to be sh-, he wanted to be, he wanted to be buried with that wallet but he wasn’t really buried. He’s in a mausoleum up on the uh, Monticello Memory Gardens, up on the hill on the way up to the Monticello.

'''Catherine''': Were you um, were you ever in the Boy Scouts? I know…

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, I was in the [[List of places that have banned Chris#The Cub Scouts|Wolf Cub Scouts]] uh, for a while in my life but they booted me out.

'''Catherine''': For what would they do that?

'''Chris''': I think it’s probably something from my autism, when I was being, I was being, like I was being, I was being [[Chris and anger|outbursting and loud for something]], or misbehave-, I don’t remember.

'''Catherine''': So they kicked you out because you’re autistic?

'''Chris''': Yeah, I think so.

'''Catherine''': Did you, did you ever get in touch with them? That’s illegal.

'''Chris''': No, uh, I don’t even remember who the Scout troop leader was.

'''Catherine''': I don’t suppose that matters, does it. You can actually sue…

'''Chris''': Yeah, it was, yeah, it was like, I was like five, six, seven.

'''Catherine''': Five, six, so that would be twenty-five years ago?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I suppose the statutes have passed with that.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': I'da said today that would be illegal. You could sue ‘em, get a lot of money.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Well.

'''Catherine''': For that sort of thing.

'''Chris''': Well, I might, I don’t know, if I remember it.

'''Catherine''': Well I don’t, I don’t expect you can any more. The statute of limitations would be…

'''Chris''': Yeah, I, too much, too much time has gone by. I wouldn’t even worry about it.

'''Catherine''': Well that’s sad. Was your, was your dad upset?

'''Chris''': Um…

'''Catherine''': I expect if he was a scoutmaster, that he would've been…

'''Chris''': I think my, I think both my parents were upset. Uh, they were quite upset when the, uh, disputes with [[Greene County Conspiracy|Greene County]] with the uh, yeah, the way they received my reactions in the [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|fourth grade]] I was in, pinned me down on the floor and they wanted to record my screams. That was abuse right there. But anyway…

'''Catherine''': What happened?

'''Chris''': Eh, Teachers and counselors, they pinned me down quote-unquote, they wanted to audio record my screaming.

'''Catherine''': For what??

'''Chris''': [stress sigh] I don’t know. That was, eh…

'''Catherine''': Where was that?

'''Chris''': That was [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Nathanael Greene Elementary]], in…

'''Catherine''': The fourth grade?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': You would have been, you would have been nine?

'''Chris''': Yeah, uh, I guess, I don’t know. I don’t remember, it was so long ago.

'''Catherine''': What made that happen?

'''Chris''': Uh, I don’t remember. I think they, the t-, yeah, from what they, my parents told me they, the tea-, they did not understand children with autism, way back then either.

'''Al''': Well that was a long time ago.

'''Chris''': Yeah, but anyway, they wanted to put me in a mental institution but between court settlements my family decided to move, that’s why they moved to Chesterfield County in ’92.

'''Catherine''': To get away from that?

'''Chris''': Yeah, plus...

'''Catherine''': Did they have a good autism program?

'''Chris''': Yeah, and a better education, between [[Chris's education#Providence Middle School|Providence Middle]] and [[Manchester High]].

'''Catherine''': So did that have... I don't think I ever asked. Did they have like, um, special education or an autism program?

'''Chris''': Uh, I was pretty much mainstreamed.

'''Catherine''': So you didn’t have any extra…classes?

'''Chris''': No, actually, I have uh, no, not, no, no extra classes, uh, well, unless you want to count coping skills.

'''Catherine''': I suppose.

'''Chris''': That’s kind of a [[Chris and psychology|special ed class]].

'''Catherine''': I suppose that’s really…

'''Al''': So did you have any like special counselors or anybody who could help you in high school?

'''Chris''': Um…

'''Al''': Anyone special that you saw?

'''Chris''': Uh…

'''Catherine''': Anyone specialized with kids or any-

'''Chris''': They um, I believe they offered them to me, but I don’t think I ever really sought counseling like that, that much. I mean I probably did, but…

'''Catherine''': Well if it was available to you, it was your right to use it whenever you liked.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

====Metabolism and long distance relationships====

[waitress shows up]

'''Catherine''': Sorry didn’t mean to stop you.

'''Al''': Yeah no problem. The food is great.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Your sandwich good?

'''Chris''': Yes, the taste of it, of this so far... It is good.

'''Catherine''': Just nibbling.

'''Chris''': Yeah, me too. Just nibbling.

'''Catherine''': Are you nervous?

'''Chris''': Uh, a little bit. I, I g-, I’m a bit of a soda jerk, I drink a lot of soda throughout my life, so I got a shaky leg also.

'''Catherine''': Oh.

'''Chris''': That’s one thing my mother complains about, when it shakes the house also.

'''Catherine''': Your shaky leg shakes the whole house?

'''Chris''': Well, when I’m standing, uh, not as much when I’m sitting down.

'''Catherine''': Is that like your old house or your rental house?

'''Chris''': Uh, well, everywhere. It’s just whenever, I mean, I’m shaking right now here.

'''Al''': So it’s, you’re just like, your leg fidgets a little bit, shakes like that?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': That’s actually, with people who fidget like that, they burn more calories. So that’s like, a forty percent less chance of them becoming obese as they get older.

'''Catherine''': Well I did not know that.

'''Chris''': Me neither.

'''Al''': This means you have a high metabolism. It’s good.

'''Chris''': That’s very good.

'''Al''': Yep.

'''Catherine''': Well now I feel weird because I don't [? - relating to not fidgeting]

'''Chris''': Mm. Well don’t worry about it.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Maybe live with me long enough, you’ll pick up on the habit. Huh! Just kidding.

'''Catherine''': I don’t know about living together.

'''Chris''': Well…

'''Catherine''': It’s like I said my dad’s very traditional.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Well that’s another thing, another obstacle to relations, sometimes if you travel a lot, so there’s long distance so you can’t see each other, that’s the challenge, so.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, that hurt. But I mean, I told you that I have long distance before and it did work.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': It takes effort.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': It takes a lot of effort.

'''Chris''': And I am willing to put in the effort.

'''Catherine''': Well I live at Culpeper, so it’s not that far away.

'''Chris''': It’s not that far away. Plus you can always move in, when me and my mom felt, when you felt comfortable, and then, yeah, we’ll find you a library here that’ll hire ya.

'''Al''': Yep.

'''Chris''': I mean, ‘cause up in Culpeper it’s just the one library.

====Health concerns====

'''Catherine''': Yeah, it is the one, that’s why I was so happy to get the internship, but then it didn’t pan out. So how is your [[eBay|art business]] going?

'''Chris''': Uh, fair. I’ve got, yeah, fair, I currently have, like, [[Chris and money|over $120 in my PayPal account]].

'''Catherine''': That’s good, you can work on your mother’s teeth that way.

'''Chris''': Well a little bit, yeah.

'''Catherine''': Well does she need them?

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, she needs them. But it’s like, she needs six of them and it feels like I’ve got to raise the whole six hundred, so that would take a while.

'''Al''': So is your mom, she needs new teeth, you’re saying?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah, she needs like, uh, she’s got cavities in six of her teeth.

'''Al''': How old is your mother?

'''Chris''': She’s 72. She was, yeah, she was born in 1941.

'''Al''': That’s not young. Yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So is her health good then? Is she OK?

'''Chris''': Um, I’d say her health is fair. She uh, doesn’t get as much energy in a day, so she, as she used to, so she ends up, uhhh, resting, resting more often.

'''Al''': Yeah. But you’re saying it’s six new teeth would be what, six hundred bucks?

'''Chris''': Yeah well…

'''Al''': That’s cheap.

'''Chris''': Well, well actually it’s, actually it’s for, ehh, it’s, it’s a lot more than six hundred. It’s like, in order for me to be able to help with that I gotta give her a hundred dollars per tooth. And as she takes care of her, as then she, she is able to take care of the remainder after that.

'''Al''': Yeah. Dental, dental work is very expensive. My father has bad teeth actually, and he got a couple of those worked on a few years back, and it was like five thousand dollars for just two of his teeth.

'''Chris''': Yeesh.

'''Al''': Yeah. Do you guys have health insurance then, or…?

'''Chris''': Yeah, I guess we do have health in-, I guess, yeah [[tugboat|we have insurance]]. I’ve just never really understood it.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Ah, so you do have health insurance. That’s good. What sort of insurance do you have? Like where do you get it from? Do you buy it yourself?

'''Chris''': Well, well I know we have, uh, Medicaid and uh, and the Blue Cross/Blue Shield.

'''Catherine''': Medicare?

'''Al''': So if you get, so if you marry Catie would she be on your insurance plan, or…?

'''Chris''': Uh, my mother would be able to, be able to answer that question better.

'''Al''': Alright.

'''Chris''': So I don’t know.

'''Catherine''': I guess you don’t…

'''Al''': So Chris…

'''Catherine''': I mean, I know, I know how that works for mine.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': But if I married someone they’d go on mine, so…I guess that’s just something I feel I have to learn.

'''Chris''': Yeah. At least, at least it’s beneficial mutually. I mean, especially if we end up on our health insurance that way.

====Chris the artist====

'''Al''': Yep. So Chris, you’re basically like a freelance artist then?

'''Chris''': Mm. [he’s eating]

'''Catherine''': I never did ask, how long you’ve been doing that. Like, how long have you been making your living from that?

'''Al''': Is that something you decided to do after [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]], or…?

'''Chris''': Mm. Yeah, essentially after college. I mean, yeah I did, uh, I originally did drawing the comic pages and whatnot for fun and then the [[trolls]] got to me and I just had writer’s block from really devastating emotions for years.

'''Al''': Comic pages? Are you like, you had a comic book or something?

'''Chris''': Yeah. [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]].

'''Catherine''': Yeah, you didn’t tell me very much about that.

'''Al''': What’s Ssssonichu?

'''Chris''': Electric hedgehog [[Pokemon]].

'''Al''': Oh, so it’s like a Pokemon thing.

'''Chris''': Yeah. And then he looks like, and then it looks like [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]]. Uh, his girlfriend, [[Rosechu]], it’s like, looks a lot like Amy.

[the waitress shows up]

'''Catherine''': I think we’re doing good.

'''Al''': Oh, we’re doing great!

'''Chris''': Yeah, we’re doing good, thank you.

'''Al''': But yeah, yeah, so they’re like, Pokemon things, or…?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah. I mean…

'''Catherine''': Don’t you need permission to distribute that?

'''Chris''': Uh, no, since they’re [[parody]], since they’re parody-like characters, it’s OK, I mean I have not gotten any complaints from [[Nintendo]] or [[Sega]] or anybody.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I suppose they can’t…As long as you’re careful they can’t give a cease and desist to everybody.

'''Chris''': Yeah I mean, I mean I’ve been working on Sonichu since uh, [[2000]]. I’ve uploaded a few images onto my [[CWC's Pokésite 2|PokeSite]], and then I started working on my comic book, the first one, in [[2004]]. And then I made like, ten books total. Well ten and a half, I got part way through the eleventh one. That’s about when…

'''Catherine''': Would you ever pick it up again?

'''Chris''': Yeah, I probably would.

'''Catherine''': Because you mentioned wanting to draw, in the email you sent me about how coming across your evil twin or something.

'''Chris''': Sorry, coming across…?

'''Catherine''': Your evil twin.

'''Chris''': Oh. Um, well that was uh, that’s an idea I just had as a fresh idea.

'''Catherine''': Fresh idea?

'''Chris''': Yeah, well it’s essentially it’s where I meet up with, meet up with [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|Reldnahc]]. That’s his name. It’s essentially “Chandler” spelled backwards.

'''Al''': And he’s like what, your evil twin or something, or…?

'''Chris''': Yeah. Just essentially everything opposite me, because he would be totally [[homos|gay]].

'''Al''': So what you’re saying: He is opposite, so he would be gay, but aren’t you a [[tomgirl]] now? So wouldn’t he be a…tomboy or…? I don’t know… How would that--

'''Chris''': Yeah, I… [[Stress sigh|[stress sigh]]] I know it’s complicated when you think about it. But yeah. Essentially just consider this: I have, I feel like I have a woman’s, a female soul in me. And the female soul is lesbian. And since I’m a, since I’m a male physically…

'''Al''': OK, so basically you’re a lesbian trapped in the body of a man.

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Al''': OK. I can understand that. Yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

====Chris fails at [[Spanish]]====

'''Al''': Hey Chris, you want any of this? I mean I’m not, I’m on a diet, but these barbeque wings are really good and then that’s a cheese stick, now that’s a quesaduhdah.

'''Chris''': Dilla. [pronounced “Deela.”]

'''Al''': Huh?

'''Chris''': Deela.

'''Catherine''': Dee-ah. OK.

'''Chris''': Quesadilla [Kay-sah-deela.]

'''Catherine''': Isn’t the double-l…?

'''Al''': Quesadilla [pronounced correctly].

'''Catherine''': The double-l, is that a y-sound?

'''Al''': Quesa-dillah, quesadeela, whatever.

'''Chris''': Yeah, it’s tomato, tomahto, potato, potahto. Let’s call the whole thing off!

====Chris's Heritage====

'''Al''': OK. Yeah but come on Chris, get... get, get some, get some grub, man. [trying to push food onto Chris]

'''Chris''': Yeah I mean, I’ve got grub right here.

'''Al''': Alright.

'''Chris''': I mean we’ve been talking.

'''Al''': Catie, you want anything?

'''Catherine''': I may actually pinch your cheese straw.

'''Al''': Cheese straw! [Chris laughs]

'''Catherine''': Stop it.

'''Al''': It’s a cheese stick!

'''Catherine''': Stop calling me foreigner. I don’t like that.

'''Al''': Friggin’ British people, Chris.

'''Catherine''': [mumbles] You call me all sorts of things.

'''Al''': (sneers) British.

'''Catherine''': You’re lucky I like you, alright!

'''Al''': That’s debatable, but we’ll stick with that for now.

'''Chris''': Mm. You’re fair that you’re one of the few [[JERKS|males]] that I’m, that I’m feeling comfortable around, especially with, especially with Catherine here.

'''Al''': Yeah. Well I…

'''Chris''': Yeah anyway, I take, I take a bit of offense to the British comment because [[Daniel Weston|I’m part-British]].

'''Catherine''': I think that you shouldn't pretend you've ever been to Britain.

'''Chris''': Yeah I haven’t been to Britain.

'''Catherine''': Because I’m not British at all.

'''Waitress''': You want any dipping sauce for that?

'''Chris''': Yeah. You're not British. I’ll be good there.

'''Al''': Alright.

'''Chris''': You’re just like a born-in-British kind of thing, or sort, something like that.

'''Al''': I apologize Chris, I didn’t know. I didn’t know you were British, I didn’t mean to offend you.

'''Chris''': Oh, well that’s OK, I mean.

'''Al''': I take it back.

[[File:Mayflower.jpg|thumb|right|Autism comes to America.]]
'''Chris''': I’m a lot of mixed breeds, between my family, French, [[honor roll|English, British]], some, I think some Ir-, I think some Irish, maybe a little bit of Italian. I’m not one hundred percent. That's, that would, my mother knows better. And for, she’s, cause her...

[Part three ended]

==Part Four==
===Transcript===
====Chris's Heritage CONTINUED====
'''Chris''': ...family came along the, came along shortly after the Mayflower because [[Daniel Weston]] borrowed for, bartered for the Mayflower but that uh, didn’t get aboard at the time.

'''Al''': Cool.

'''Catherine''': Have you ever done research, like gone back and look at the passenger roster? That sort of thing is available to the public.

'''Chris''': Hm.

'''Catherine''': You go to em, libraries and online databases that will find. Because in the old days you would have to sign a, uh, a passenger list, ['''Chris''': “Yeah.”] if you were traveling, so you know, there’s all the names of all the people that have ever come over.

'''Chris''': The [bay?] that boarded the Mayflower.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, there’s a hundred and twenty-odd people that boarded the Mayflower.

'''Chris''': Yeah, but my mother, but my mother, she did the research between library books and she feels, she is very positive that Daniel was not aboard the Mayflower. Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Back to square one. You'll have to find it eventually.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Just like I’m still trying to find a link between Richard Will-, Richard, Richard Weston, which preceded Daniel Weston, first Earl of Portland, to [[Anne Boleyn|Mary Boleyn]].

'''Catherine''': Yeah, that would be um, related to the king.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Well, sister-in-law to the king. He did have an affair with Mary but it’s not... It’s all very convoluted.

'''Al''': Yeah. (to Catherine) You gotta go to the bathroom, or…?

'''Catherine''': Yeah, I need the ladies.

'''Al''': Alright.

'''Catherine''': And can I, can I trust you here with my handbag? Can you just mind it for a few minutes

'''Al''': I won’t touch it, no problem.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, I know you won't touch it. Oh never mind, I thought I had [?].

====Just the boys====

'''Al''': Oh, okay. (to Chris) So how long have you and Catie been talking?

'''Chris''': Essentially last mid-July.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Or, yeah, I think it was last mid-July. We had been talking a few weeks on end of July to mid-August. I kept track of the first twenty days of communication between [[OKCupid]] initially, and then we tacked, and then we talked through Skype. Via instant messenger, plus the one time, uh, two times, we, she was able to borrow a microphone for her friend. I believe Sarah was her name?

'''Al''': Ah, I don’t know, I don’t keep track of her friends.

'''Chris''': Well at least I paid attention to the two names that were mentioned. I’m having a hard time remembering the bride’s, the bride’s name now. That’s the other name she mentioned, the bride. I think it started with a B or an I.

'''Al''': [completely bored] Yeah. Eh, you seem like a pretty cool guy. Yeah. I just, if you’re gonna marry Catie, I mean, you’re marrying into the whole family, so it’s just, I figured I’d get it out of the way and meet you now, so. Catie called me up and she needed a ride, so I figured hey, so I gave her a ride here.

'''Chris''': I appreciate that.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': And yes, you can rest assured my family is pretty much wholesome.

'''Al''': OK.

'''Chris''': I mean, my fa-, um, my father was 52 upon my conception. I’m living with two senior citizens, well, one and a ha-, one and then one later became a senior citizen, my mother.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': For all my life, so…

'''Al''': So you never, you never moved out of home then?

'''Chris''': Yeah never really, yeah never really moved out of home. Um, one weekend I went to an anime convention and stayed at the hotel by myself. That was kind of fun.

'''Al''': Really, when was that?

'''Chris''': Oh, that was a few years ago. Ah, [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]].

'''Al''': Anime Mid-Atlantic?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So anime is like the Pokey-mon… and the comic characters.

'''Chris''': Uh, [[anime]] is Japan animation.

'''Al''': Ah, cool.

'''Chris''': Anything that was originally from Japan of animation. And of course that includes Pokemon. Also includes shows like [[Dragon Ball Z]]. And uh, let me see if I can remember a few more…um, Sonic X, um…

'''Al''': But you went to the convention all by yourself?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Alright. So what’d you do there? Did you like, meet other people in anime, or…?

'''Chris''': Yeah, I sort of, I mingled a little bit, um, but I mostly kept to myself, really. Because I wasn’t, cause I wasn’t really as extroverted as I am now.

'''Al''': Yeah.

====How the trolls defeated Sonichu====

'''Catherine''': [returning] What were you boys talking about?

'''Al''': So where was the, where was the convention that…?

'''Chris''': Uh, it was over in Kroger Hotel in [[Richmond|Midlothian]].

'''Al''': Oh, outside Richmond.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So you spent the whole weekend there yourself?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': That must have been pretty cool.

'''Chris''': Yeah. It was fun. (to Catherine) I was, I was telling him about how I went to the anime convention.

'''Al''': Yeah, he was saying he went to some anime convention a couple years back outside Richmond. He said, um, I was, he was like, “Hey did you ever,” he was like, he never left his parents’ house, moved out from his parents’, so like, and then he mentioned a convention he went to, so, that seems like it’d be pretty cool.

'''Chris''': Yeah, finally I’m trying to remember the name of the bride of the wedding you went to.

'''Catherine''': Nanette.

'''Chris''': Nanette.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': OK. Yeah. I thought so at the time. I’m sorry, I started, thought it started with an I or a B. That’s N Nanette.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, it’s kind of an old name from my family.

'''Chris''': Yeah, and then I remembered Sarah you borrowed the microphone from.

'''Al''': (to waitress) Can I get a refill on the diet Mountain Dew?

'''Catherine''': (to waitress) Um, can I get herbal tea as well please? Thank you.

'''Chris''': And I’ve been talking a lot! Huh huh! S’why I haven’t been eatin’.

'''Al''': Ah, no problem Chris.

'''Catherine''': That’s alright, we’re trying to learn about each other.

'''Al''': Yeah. The whole point of this is so that we get to know each other. So.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, pretty much. Yeah.

'''Al''': But yeah, uh, what were you saying?

'''Chris''': I lost the train of my thought. I was talking about the anime convention.

'''Al''': Um, OK, so what have you been doing since, you’ve been doing artistry, artwork, stuff like that?

'''Chris''': Uh, well, I recently decided to do art [[commissions]] for money so I made listings on [[eBay]]. Plus also, free drawing of Sonichu and Rosechu artwork that prolly sell as well. I had, I mean, the fan club started as early as [[2004]]. And then the trolls, [Catherine says something] Yes, it was an online club thing, so errybody around the world can become a member of the fan club. And then the trolls joined the fan club and really knocked me for a loop. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t tell the difference between troll/bad person or fan/good person, and so I just opted, so I just opted out.

'''Al''': So basically like, you had this cool fan club and you had this comic book, and then there were a bunch of assholes that basically ran down the whole, basically were assholes.

'''Chris''': Yeah, they even hacked into my web, hacked into my web sites, and then put up all over the place the…lewd…male pictures.

'''Al''': Like what do you mean, lewd male pictures? Like, gay guys and stuff?

'''Chris''': Yeah, and uh, [[pickle|dick]] imagery as well.

'''Al''': Yeah, that…

'''Catherine''': Why would they do that?

'''Chris''': Well it was like he just said, they were assholes. And they uh, essentially for the sake of hatred as, that was anudder term I learned.

'''Al''': So they were gonna make fun of whatev…Sunny-chew? Sonichu, whatever.

'''Chris''': Sonichu.

'''Al''': Sonichu. Sonichu.

'''Chris''': And [[Christian Weston Chandler|the creator]]. They found, they considered me to be weak and I was, I was mentally more weak back then but I’ve gr-, I’ve grown more immune and tougher, so.

'''Catherine''': You're good at spotting them now.

'''Chris''': Well, more or less. I, uh, have uh, I’ve grown an immunity to their bad words now.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Sort of. It still hurts me a little bit. A little bit. But it’s like, I just brush it off.

'''Al''': Yeah. So where, where do these people come from? What are they like? All around the world?

'''Chris''': Yeah, but I think most of them are like, within the United States, like within California. And I…

'''Catherine''': Why California? How did you gain that information?

'''Al''': Yeah, why, why California?

'''Chris''': Well, they, they uh, have initiated, they have made it known to me at some points that some of them were from California. And then also there’s some over in uh, [sigh] I forget which part of Europe. Um, it’s like um, it’s something Great Britain? Uh, I think, uh, India as well, I’m not sure. Singapore…

'''Catherine''': How are you getting all that information?

'''Chris''': [sigh]

'''Al''': How’d you find out where they were at, yeah?

'''Chris''': Fan mail.

'''Catherine''': Fan mail?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': So wait, they were sending you, they, they were sending you fan mail even though they didn’t like you?

'''Chris''': Yeah, yeah that was, they definitely did not like me. They sent me lewd drawings.

'''Al''': So it was like fake fan mail then.

'''Chris''': Yeah, some of it was fake, and…actually of a lo-, actually a lot more of it was positive mail, fan mail. I kept ‘em, I kept ‘em in binders. The fan mail.

'''Catherine''': Is it at your house?

'''Chris''': Yeah. I have most of ‘em. Yeah.

'''Al''': So are you still doing Sonichu then?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Your comic book thing, your…?

'''Chris''': Yeah, more or less. I’m getting, trying to get back into the groove.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I think you should do it, honestly. It seems like it makes you happy.

'''Chris''': Yeah it did make me happy, but then I lost, with the trolls coming I lost track of the storyline and what I wanted to do, and then I ended up, as I drew furder I end up falling into writer’s block. And that’s, oh, and anudder thing about autistic people—we’re kind of ritualistic as in, as in we tend to fall into habits of what we normally do.

'''Catherine''': If you got into the habit of drawing the comic you’d probably be able to…

'''Chris''': Yeah it’s like, it’s like, it’s like riding a bicycle. Um, uh, yeah, one time I was able to. It mostly depends on my mood and how I’m feeling. Yeah one time I did manage to get one book drawn in a month. But most of the time it took me more than a month.

'''Catherine''': Do you get distracted or something?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah kinda, and anudder thing about autistic people, the attention deficit disorder is part of it, as well.

'''Catherine''': I thought they were two different things.

'''Chris''': What’s that?

'''Catherine''': I thought they were two different things.

'''Chris''': Uh, well there’s a l- there’s a lot of things linked to autism, yeah, OCD, ADD…

'''Al''': I suppose one person could have two different disorders at the same time.

'''Catherine''': I suppose.

'''Al''': Or conditions, whatever you call them.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Chris, there are a lot of artists out there in the world, and even some of the greatest artists out there who have published, have millions of fans—they still get criticism. Because with every, all art, there’s gonna be someone who doesn’t like it. And you know what, those artists, they can just ignore the criticism…

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': …and they keep on publishing. Because even if some people don’t like it, there are gonna be people that do like it.

'''Chris''': Yeah, well, I mean I w- I would have appreciated your input dere, like, five years ago.

'''Catherine''': Well the best thing you can do is just get back on your horse.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': And show them that it’s not gonna bother you, that they can’t keep you down.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': That would drive them crazy, and it would get you doing what you love.

'''Al''': Yeah, if there’s something that you can do, with these bullies or whatever can’t affect, and you keep doing it, that will drive them nuts, it will piss ‘em off.

'''Chris''': [meekly] Yeah. Well, I should, well, especially right now I feel like I’m getting the more positive help.

'''Al''': Well.

'''Chris''': Uh, inspiration.

'''Catherine''': Positive help is a good thing.

'''Chris''': Yeah. You’re my muse.

'''Catherine''': I’m your muse? I like that.

====Chris and learning====

'''Al''': You should draw her into the comic.

'''Chris''': Ugh.

'''Catherine''': That would be cool.

'''Al''': Make her like a super-hero or something like a jet backpack and like a Batman suit or something.

'''Chris''': Ugh.

'''Catherine''': I would love that.

'''Chris''': Well…

'''Al''': This is like anime and Pokemon, right, like Batman or Superman aren’t really anime.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': You could do a parody of Batman or Superman.

'''Chris''': You know there was actually a, there was a DC Universe/Spiderman cross-over, I learned. Where Spiderman wanted to learn, he wanted to learnt to, come into the Justice League, but Batman would not hear of it.

'''Catherine''': I’d love to be a comic character.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I think that would be fun.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I’ve always wanted to be like a cartoon character or something, like, I don’t know, I don’t know why. But I love cartoons, and I’d love to be a cartoon character.

'''Al''': I don’t really read…I’ve read some of the original Marv-, Marvel comics when I was a kid, you know like Spiderman, the Fantastic Four, stuff like that. So. Not so much anymore.

'''Chris''': I got into, I got into DC and Marvel original TV cartoon shows.

'''Catherine''': Yeah. So do you, I guess you don’t read a lot then, do you?

'''Chris''': Oh I do, [[Chris and writing#Chris's reading habits|I do read]], I do read some like, I read that [[Wikipedia]] article, the whole thing: “History of Lesbianism in America.”

'''Al''': So you read Wikipedia a lot then?

'''Chris''': Uh, no, not, I haven’t read it often, but I mean, I felt in the mutual interest here. I felt compel-, I felt compelled to, and it definitely was very interesting. I shared what I learned from the page with everyone.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, you did learn from it.

'''Al''': Yeah. So you basically, when you become interested in something, you look up information about it and learn about it?

'''Chris''': Mm.

'''Catherine''': Learn about as much as you can?

'''Al''': So, would you say most of what you’ve learned through your life comes from yourself, do you educate yourself? Or would you say it comes from school and college?

[something about the restaurant is bothering Chris]

'''Al''': Something spicy? You sound like you’re really hot. So…oh, the light.

'''Catherine''': Oh, the light.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I guess I’m far enough down that it doesn’t matter.

'''Chris''': Yeah. [stress sigh]

'''Al''': But now you were saying, like, do you learn more from studying things yourself or do you learn more from school?

'''Chris''': I think I think I have learned from studying things myself. And taking the good from life from the bad from what I learned everywhere, and errywhere else.

'''Al''': Taking from the bathroom? What?

'''Chris''': No, taking the good from the bad.

'''Al''': Oh, I thought you said bathroom. I just, I didn’t understand you there.

'''Chris''': [sigh] That’s the perception right, right there. Individual perceptions.

'''Al''': OK. But you said taking the good from the bad? What were you going to say?

'''Chris''': You take the good from the bad and then you put it in your own common sense and ideals, and then you figure out what’s best from all, from all perspectives there.

====The eBay business====

'''Al''': Yeah. So. So do you, you said you get paid for these comic [[commissions]], right?

'''Chris''': Well, there’s, I’m doing drawings…

'''Al''': Art commissions, whatever.

'''Chris''': Yeah. I’m doing it on [[eBay]]. I’m charging like, twenty bucks for an [[autographed photos|autographed photo]] cause I’m so famous. And I do fifty dollars for a commission I draw fully, like with a background and foreground characters and everything.

'''Al''': Sweet.

'''Chris''': But I don’t color it. And then for a hundred I will color it in. And then for two hundred, I’ll give a certificate of authenticity hand pers-, personally hand draw-, hand written, and then I laminate the piece and frame it.

'''Al''': So have you been getting a lot of business, then?

'''Chris''': Um, I’ve done a good amount, a fair amount of business. [Chris is still bothered by heat] I feel like I wanna...

[Part four ended]

==Part Five==
===Transcript===

====The eBay business CONTINUED====
'''Chris''': ...say dang that lamp! Huh huh!

'''Al''': It’s pretty hot? But…

'''Catherine''': Let’s see about the air conditioner.

'''Al''': Yeah. Yeah. It is a little bit warm over here, yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So, do you do art just because you enjoy it, or is it just like a money thing? You know what I mean?

'''Chris''': Well, well I do it for mostly for my uh, for when I feel inspired and my, kinda, and my…and help me feel a little better, yeah.

'''Catherine''': So, is it passion, or is it more a business?

'''Chris''': Yeah, I’d definitely say it’s more of a passion. When I, it’s like, when I get to the drawing stuff and I set my mind to it, I definitely get in the zone. But also, you know, I’ve had a good deal of repeat customers. I give them a small upgrade on the drawings and you know, the second time around they go, “I paid fifty dollars for a black-and-white, I’ll buy a color.” Or for the uh, color, I’ll add lamination and the certificate. No frame.

'''Al''': So Chris, you said you’ve got a pretty decent amount of business. Are they…fans of your comic book?

'''Chris''': Yeah. Yeah, it was, I was really happy in the beginning, like uh, last, like, last July, throughout, throughout the month. I started, I think I started like the end of June, when I put all that onto the Ebay. Yeah, it was really pouring in, and maybe over $2000 a month.

'''Al''': That’s pretty good money.

'''Chris''': Yeah. But then, but then uh, the [?] went down, and interest kind of slowed down a little bit, so I didn’t make, I’m not making as much this month. Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Why do you think the interest went down?

'''Chris''': Um, essentially because everybody got a piece of me now, between a [[Autographed Photos|photo]] or some hand drawing.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': And then for an international cus-, customers, you know, outside the US, ‘cause they have to pay a little more, I’ll give them a single character drawing, where I just draw a character.

'''Catherine''': Oh that’s nice of you.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Or you know, I could, I could also draw like some, I could draw like headshots of their friends or celebrities. Like, this one time I just drew of, this was recent, I drew a friend of this guy who looked like uh, he was bald and had a big beard and everything, he…[the waitress arrives]

====Dieting====

'''Waitress''': Can I take these plates for you?

'''Catherine''': [?]

'''Chris''': I think I’m, I think I’m good too.

'''Waitress''': You sure?

'''Chris''': Yeah, I feel sure.

'''Al''': Chris, you want the uh, quesadill-, quesadilla with barbeque?

'''Chris''': Nah, I don’t think so.

'''Al''': Come on.

'''Chris''': I feel pretty, I’m not gonna make me…I’ve been dieting myself, and I feel full. Well at least I feel, you know…

'''Catherine''': (to waitress) Thank you.

'''Chris''': …satis-, I feel, I feel satisfied.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': I mean, it’s not growling and I’m not, and I feel like I’m nearing full, so I don’t want to go overboard.

'''Catherine''': Oh. Yeah, that’s a good thing.

'''Chris''': I mean…

'''Catherine''': So you care a lot about staying in shape.

'''Chris''': Uh, a little bit, yeah. I take a walk daily.

'''Catherine''': Oh that’s good.

'''Chris''': Yeah at least like um, half an hour or so.

'''Catherine''': Well that’s good. So do you walk about your um, shop over here?

'''Chris''': Yeah. I take, I take laps around the [[Get-Tar Region|Target]]. It’s air conditioned in there and uh, so it’s a better neutral place for any weather.

====The Apology Letters and Rings====

'''Catherine''': Well that’s good. Did you get those [[Apology Letters|letters]] sent that you told me about?

'''Chris''': What letters? Oh, oh, yes, yes, the letters to…

'''Catherine''': [?]

'''Al''': [clears throat] Excuse me.

'''Catherine''': Have you gotten any response?

'''Chris''': No, I haven’t gotten a response yet.

'''Catherine''': That’s a shame.

'''Al''': Letters?

'''Chris''': Uhhh, I was banned from like, two stores. Uh, well…

'''Al''': What happened?

'''Chris''': Well in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square]], right over here…

'''Al''': Oh, the mall?

'''Chris''': Yeah. They uh, I made loud outbursts and plus it was, it was like the early days of my [[Sweetheart Search]], in early 2000 [?]. They thought I was soliciting. But I was not.

'''Al''': What were you doing?

'''Chris''': Yeah, yeah, I was, I was trying to meet people the best way I could. Before I was still very shy and paranoid. I had this, I had this idea in my head about [[noviophobia|every woman being paired up]], and I didn’t know how to tell a difference aside from a wedding ring. Oh this is my father’s wedding ring, by the way.

'''Al''': Oh, I didn’t know that.

'''Chris''': Yeah. I’ve been hanging onto it since he passed away. The reason I had it in like the, 20th anniversary Optimus Prime figure behind the grill, but since the fire and uh, he had a little bit of melting, it was like, what if it had left this, what if it had gotten worse and I couldn’t have gotten the ring out?

'''Catherine''': [?]

'''Chris''': Yeah, and this is my [[Amnyfest Ring|class ring]]. The class of 2000. And that’s my birthstone, amethyst.

'''Catherine''': That’s pretty!

'''Al''': That’s pretty badass.

'''Catherine''': Did you know, this is uh, in the old days, you know, like way back in the 50s, if the boy and the girl were going out, the boy would give the girl his class ring. That’s how they, that’s how people knew that they were together, because she was wearing his class ring.

'''Al''': Yeah, that’s right back in the 50s and 60s.

'''Catherine''': I mean, my dad was really cheesy, and it was in the 60s that my dad did it for my mum. [?]

'''Chris''': Well, I’ll tell you what, give me some time and, maybe I’ll let, maybe I will let you wear it.

'''Catherine''': Oh, that would be sweet!

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': That would be so sweet. I’ve never had jewelry from a boy before.

'''Chris''': Really, you never had jewelry before?

'''Catherine''': No, not from a boy. I mean, I’ve had my own, but…I’ve hardly got anything on at the moment at all.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Just my earrings, and [?].

'''Al''': Too damn hot to wear jewelry, really. [belches]

'''Catherine''': Oh, right, that sounded like [?]

'''Al''': Oh yeah, I’m fine. I just got a big stomach.

'''Chris''': I have a [sweet?] too, you know, you know the big reason why men belch is because, because they’re stressed. I know exactly [?], yeah.

'''Catherine''': [?]

'''Chris''': What happens is, I just belch so loud, and I’ll [?], it just sounds as if I’m throwing up, I’m not.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Quite bad.

'''Catherine''': I’ve never heard that stress leads to belching.

'''Al''': Yeah, people have different reactions to stress. So. So Chris, how, how old are you exactly?

'''Chris''': I’m 32 years old. Pisces, February 24th.

'''Al''': OK. So you, after you said you went to Manchester…

[waitress asks about dessert]

'''Catherine''': Um, I’m fine about dessert, and you?

'''Al''': Ah, I’m, I’m pretty good, yeah. Chris, do you want anything for…I’ll get you something if you want.

'''Chris''': Uh, no that’s OK, um...I guess you could bring another sweet tea.

'''Catherine''': Thank you.

[waitress brings checks]

'''Catherine''': Thank you.

'''Chris''': You know, I think we’re OK on that.

====Duct Tape Wallet and Math Skills====

[pause as everyone deals with the checks]

'''Chris''': (to Catherine) I like that. I think that must be like a 3DS case.

'''Catherine''': Oh, no, it’s a wallet.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Oh, it is a wallet.

'''Catherine''': [?] Yeah, I got it from uh…

'''Chris''': Yeah, it looks big.

'''Catherine''': I don’t even remember where I got it from, probably a friend’s house.

'''Al''': (to Chris) Did you build that wallet yourself?

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, inspired by the Mythbusters. [clears throat] Excuse me. Uh, yeah, Mythbusters, uh, in the very first duct tape special, Adam shows off his wallet made out of duct tape, and that’s what inspired me to do it. I based it off of a wallet I was using when I…. And…

'''Catherine''': Does anyone have any singles? I haven’t got any singles with me.

'''Al''': Ah, I can loan you a couple. Damn, Chris, how long have you had that wallet?

'''Catherine''': Oh my goodness, that’s falling apart!

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Eh, well, it’s, it’s infinitely…

'''Al''': [interrupts with a question for Catherine about the bill] How much do you need? Three?

'''Catherine''': I think I’m gonna leave a tip, so it’s three, four…

'''Al''': Three bucks…I got, um…I got some quarters.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Me too.

'''Catherine''': Oh no, wait, I found a dollar.

'''Al''': Oh, OK. That’ll work.

'''Catherine''': That works.

'''Chris''': Eh, I’m trying to figure out my tip now. One-three-six…

'''Al''': [interrupting] So what do you usually tip? Is it 10%, 15, 20%?

'''Chris''': Yeah, yeah, I figure fifteen, I figure fifteen percent. I can do percentages in my head fairly quick.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': [mumbling about the tip math]

'''Catherine''': [mumbling]

'''Chris''': Yeah. I’d say 68 cents…well…well, round up by a nickle. So 73 cents and then uh, the dollar, that total brings it up to six bucks.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': That’s anudder good thing, that’s one good thing about autism, we uh, do fairly well in our mental [cognitives?] Uh, I’m fairly skilled…math was one of my favorite subjects.

'''Al''': So you did pretty good in that in school, then?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': That’s pretty impressive then. I mean, ‘cause you said, you’re what, high-functioning autistic?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So you did pretty good in math in your regular classes, then?

'''Chris''': Yeah. I’ve uh, yeah I’ve got-, I’ve gotten like As and Bs a long, a long time. I’ve been on, I was on [[Honor Roll]] throughout middle and high school. Made the Dean’s List at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]].

====A Futile Discussion About Getting a Job====

'''Al''': So you went to college at Piedmont, Piedmont Virginia Community College, then?

'''Chris''': That’s right. [?]

'''Al''': So do you have a degree from there, or…?

'''Chris''': Oh yeah. Yeah. I got a degr-, I got a degree and a certif-, and a certificate for [[Computer Aided Drafting and Design]].

'''Al''': So do you get a job from that then, or…?

'''Chris''': [pause] Jobs were scarce.

'''Al''': Yeah. So you just never really found one in that area, then?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Plus I’m on uh, plus I’m on [[tugboat|income]], so, if I got, so if I got a job I’d have to make like up to $900 a month.

'''Al''': So wait a second, you said you’re on income? What, what do you mean?

'''Chris''': Sssocial Security.

'''Al''': Oh! So you’re on welfare, then?

'''Chris''': Yeah, because of my…autism.

'''Al''': Oh.

'''Chris''': Knock in the head, that’s the old brain problem, there.

'''Al''': Yeah. Well that sucks, man, so.

'''Catherine''': Oh well.

'''Al''': My understanding that, what, what type of Social Security, is it Social Security Supplemental Disability income, then?

'''Chris''': That sounds, that sounds right.

'''Al''': Yeah. Well I actually worked with a guy at Wal-Mart one time that was getting that as well.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': I don’t know if he had autism or something, but it may have been something similar to that. And he worked there, and the thing is, is he got, he could only work a certain number of hours a week. I believe it was like 25. Because with that you can work a certain number of hours, but as long as your income from the job doesn’t go above a certain amount…

'''Chris''': Right.

'''Al''': …you still keep all the Social Security income.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So.

'''Chris''': Yeah, plus I had, yeah, I had so many inputs here and there and everywhere, I just, I just uh, couldn’t really get into the….I, I, I tried applying a number of times, but I never got a call back.

'''Catherine''': Well that’s just the way it is, I mean.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': [?]

'''Chris''': After my, my mom and I, we get moved back into our house, I’ll, I’ll look for, I’ll go applying…

'''Catherine''': What stops you doing it now?

'''Al''': I mean, you don’t do anything aside from the, what were you saying, going for walks and the comics…

====Respect for the Elderly====

'''Chris''': Well, I’m take-, I’m taking care of my mom. Also. Yeah, ‘cause uh, she needs, ‘cause we need each other, essentially. Um, well she needs me to uh, help, help keep her, help do things for her sometimes…

'''Catherine''': (to waitress) Here you go.

'''Chris''': OK, yeah I got the uh, tip. Bring me back six dollars, ‘cause I had, only had a twenty.

'''Al''': So Chris, if your mother’s uh, disabled then, uh, shouldn’t she, shouldn’t she be put in like a…elderly home, or…?

'''Chris''': [interrupting] Oh, oh no, we’re not, we’re not doing that. They treat, they treat you very badly in there. She, she would, she, she, she would never want me to put her into a home, and I would not do that.

'''Al''': You’re just very independent, then?

'''Chris''': Fairly, yeah.

'''Al''': Yeah. My, my uh, grandparents were like that too, they just never, on my dad’s side of the family, they just never wanted to be in a home. So.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, I understand that. You just want to stay in your own home as much as possible.

'''Al''': Well still, though, it can be dangerous. Like at the end, their eyesight started failing, and their bones, my grandmother, she slipped and she got, she broke her, her pelvis. Towards when she was, when she was older. So, it’s just, you gotta look out for your mom’s health, you know what I mean?

'''Chris''': Yeah, I had, yeah I definitely have lots of respect for my elder. Respect for the elderly.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': So she can’t even be without you for four hours. [?]

'''Chris''': Yeah well, well she can be without me, she does, she can can do OK by herself, but it’s like the uh, few things, and I’ll never know when they’re gonna come up. But yeah, I w-, but yeah, after we get moved back in, ‘cause if we, if we, if the house has, if the house could get up and to be finished any time, they’re actually getting started on that now.

'''Catherine''': So the rebuild’s going really well.

'''Chris''': Yeah, it’s, yeah, it’s, yes, it is progressing.

'''Al''': So, there’s gonna be a place for you and Catie to live, then.

'''Chris''': Oh yes. It’s a big house, uh, about three rooms wide, two rooms…thick?

'''Al''': Do you, do you know the square footage?

'''Chris''': Um, no, not really. I’d say, the house uh, that we’re renting right now is about two-thirds the size of the original house. And plus we have like uh, back porch, but uh, that’s still cluttered. My mom and I, we really need to unload a lot of stuff, so we’re gonna be sorting through everything we got boxed up and…

'''Al''': So, what’s…I mean, if you need to unload it, what’s stopping you?

'''Chris''': Uh, it’s pretty much uh, my mother’s input, ‘cause…lots, there’s lot, she has a lot more stuff than I do.

'''Al''': So, she doesn’t want to get rid of it.

'''Chris''': Yeah, for some uh, reasons or whatever. It’s like, she’s got, she would, she’s got like, mountains of fabric, ‘cause she thinks she’s gonna get back into sewing and whatever.

'''Catherine''': She could make some money doing that.

'''Al''': She could, yeah.

'''Catherine''': If she started a business with that, she could make some money.

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah but she’s still like, lack of energy. She only gets like, a certain number of hours of energy per day.

'''Catherine''': But if she’s doing her own business, she could uh…

'''Chris''': [sigh]

'''Al''': Do it at her leisure, yeah.

'''Catherine''': …only do it when she knows she can, so if she says, you know I need this, you can say I’m afraid I can’t do it.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': I just, I wanna make sure if Catie’s gonna be moving in with you, I’m concerned….We’re blood. She’s my family.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So I wanna be sure she has a safe and clean location to live.

'''Chris''': Yeah, I, I, I would like her to be, to move in with me, if she feels comfortable with that.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Someday, maybe.

'''Waitress''': Thank you.

'''Catherine''': Thanks very much.

====Barb and her family====

'''Al''': So Chris, you said your mother needs to be taken care of, I mean, are you the only one? I mean, isn’t there anybody else in the family who could take care of her for you?

'''Chris''': [sighs] Errybody else on the Weston side of the family is...

'''Al''': Right.

==Part Six==
===Transcript===

====Barb and her family CONTINUED====

'''Chris''': ...pretty much close minded to her nowadays.

'''Al''': Are they assholes?

'''Chris''': Yeah, essentially, I would say, I would say that, yea. They uh, yea she grew up in Red Oak. She was born in Red Oak, Virginia and uh, within the Weston family there they spread rumors about her. Sort of things like, she’s a slut. That sort of thing.

'''Catherine''': What would make them say that?

'''Al''': Yeah, why would they… talking bad about someone in your own family, that’s just like harming yourself.

'''Catherine''': That’s just bullying.

'''Chris''': Yeah, I would say either their assholes or they’re just stressed with their own lives. If they would do it when they were younger I would definitely say “assholes”.

'''Al''': Was it just misconceptions or rumors?

'''Chris''': Yea, I would say definitely misconceptions and rumors. Uh, even, even [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] who was born of my mother there uh…

'''Al''': Oh yea Cole, that guy you mentioned earlier.

'''Chris''': Yeah… uh anyway, he’s got a chip on his shoulder against my mother as well because uh, of things that he’s been told about her from things, from the relatives, and his [[Bob Chandler|father in law]], even his birth father.

'''Al''': Wait. Cole, your mother is his mother too, right?

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Al''': That’s mother and son.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': And he doesn’t want to take care of her when she’s sick?

'''Chris''': Yea, he’s like, he just doesn’t wanna do a thing with her.

'''Catherine''': Wow.

'''Al''': What’s he been told? What are these people telling him?

'''Chris''': [sigh] Yeah, well my mother, she could tell it better than I could.

'''Catherine''': I mean, did he tell you at all? It seems like something brothers would talk about.

'''Chris''': Well, uh, well actually all of my half-siblings are all distant, cuz I was child when they were all adults.

'''Al''': There’s an age gap there.

'''Chris''': Big age gap.

'''Al''': So that makes it harder to communicate with them then?

'''Chris''': Yeah, even more difficult when they don’t even give you the information themselves and you have to try to look it up on the interne- through whatever and then you, then you send em a letter or email multiple times and then they don’t respond.

'''Al''': So wait, you didn’t even have their contact info, you had to look it up online?

'''Chris''': I had to look up Cole’s information online, uh, from my father, he had two children Allen and Carol. Allen is a, a alloth- an optomologlist [meaning ophthalmologist] in Chestfield County. [[Minor Family Members#David Chandler|David Allen Chandler]], doctor. Anyway he lives over in ??ville. My father knew that, he did. umm… as for [[Minor Family Members#Carol Chandler|Carol]], he, we have no idea where the Hell she is and Allen would be able to know where she is definitely and Allen still doesn’t want to do a thing with me or his mother in law here.

'''Al''': So, how long has it been since you’ve been in touch with him?

'''Chris''': Well, my, well, my father and I before he died uhh, earlier summer two thousand ‘leven, we tried to find him at his house, where he’s living at but they were out. They might have gone on vacation uhh we had an idea, we had an idea ?without any notice? but we had uuuh had like a couple of gifts for Allen and his family cuz he got married, has a daughter named [[Savannah Chandler|Savannah]].

'''Catherine''': OK.

'''Chris''': Yeah, so anyway, uh so we left the presents with their next door neighbor.

'''Al''': So you drove to their house then or wherever they live?

'''Catherine''': Just drove there and they weren’t there?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': What did you get for them, what presents?

'''Chris''': My father had like this stained glass bird he wanted to give that too Sava- yea the gifts were for Savannah really. Yeah he wanted to give her the stained glass bird and for a little while I collected Squinkies.

'''Al''': Squinkies? What’s a Squinkie?

'''Chris''': They’re the cute little animal-type plastic squishy things. You can put ‘em on pencils or pencils and pegs and they’re like, they're like little various characters...

'''Al''': Oh like, those little erasers you put on the end of pencils sometimes.

'''Chris''': Yeah, yeah, yeah, but these are not erasers.

'''Al''': Oh, they’re like decorative.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I never even heard of that ????????

'''Chris''': Yeah they came out like within the past decade.

'''Al''': Cool.

'''Catherine''': I guess, yeah I would’ve been overseas then.

'''Al''': So there’s no… your father’s side of the family there’s no… on your mother’s side of the family there’s nobody either?

'''Chris''': Nobody on my father’s side of the family, they’re all old as well. And pretty much my father, he has siblings but they’re all half siblings as well and he never really got close to them either, they, they never really got close to him.

'''Catherine''': So you and your mom really don’t have much of a support network.

'''Chris''': Yeah, kind of up a creek with a wing and a prayer… [pause] I didn’t want to say without a paddle, because we did sort of have a paddle so that’s why “with a wing and a prayer.”

'''Al''': That… that sucks man.

'''Catherine''': Yeah. That’s terrible. I mean, we haven’t always been close but at least we have family.

====The Game Place incident====

'''Al''': So what are your long term plans, I mean, where do you see you and Catie five years from now?

'''Chris''': Well, hopefully uh, more organized and all that and uh… definitely would like to be married.

'''Al''': So are you gonna be living with Catie then or are three going to be living with your mom?

'''Chris''': Yeah I think, uh, I think uh, i think we’re uh, all going to be living together. Yeah cuz I don’t want to leave my mother behind. I’m sure all of us will be living together.

'''Al''': So do you plan on doing this Sonichu thing, comic book thing or continue with the art?

'''Chris''': Yeah, I’m thinking I am going to continue with the art.

'''Al''': So have you thought about getting a job at all though? I know the economy's bad right now.

'''Chris''': Yeah, I’m gonna apply… I’m apply for a part time job after uh, yeah after we move back in, uh but I guess part time, I guess I might be flexible. I might try beforehand but I'm still not certain about that when [[14 Branchland Court|the house]] will be completed.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': And we have to move everything back to the house - we’re renting a storage unit as well.

'''Al''': You don’t have like a, like with the applications for job checks or anything, one of the things that can make it harder is if you have a felony on your record. I mean, you don’t have any crimes on your record, do you?

'''Chris''': [sigh] No, not really, but the [[trolls]]...

'''Al''': You never got arrested or anything like that?

'''Chris''': Yeah, my mother and I [[28 October 2011|we have been arrested]]… upon a trap set by, set by [[Michael Snyder|the guy who pressed charges against us]].

'''Al''': So was he one of the trolls then, or one of these internet bullies?

'''Chris''': Yeah I say he was among the trolls I say everybody and the [[jerkops|police]] around here are amongst the trolls as well. I mean, it’s not confirmed but my mother and I we end up speculating there.

'''Al''': So was it these...

'''Catherine''': So you and your mom both think...

'''Chris''': It’s the impression we get from, from, when we were talks with the police while we were under their custody at the time, or when we were going to report something, like we reported the trawwwllls and their ? have been going on and nothing got done.

'''Catherine''': There’s not always a lot they can do about that. What made you think, like apart from that, what made you conclude that trolls were in the police?

'''Chris''': Uh...

'''Al''': Yeah, what made you think that the cops were trolls?

'''Catherine''': Yeah what had you...

'''Chris''': Essentially it was within the attitude and the signal- the body language and subtle signal.

'''Catherine''': The attitude and body language, like how so, what specific?

'''Al''': Were the police not very professional then?

'''Chris''': Yeah they were not, they were not very professional, they’re more brutish - more like shoot first, or arrest first, beat ‘em up, ask questions later.

'''Catherine''': You got beat up by the police?

'''Chris''': Yeah we both did that time.

'''Al''': So were you physically injured? You could’ve sued the police if they abused you.

'''Chris''': Yeah we were completely injured, my mother was too.

'''Catherine''': What happened? Did you break a bone, did you need stitches?

'''Chris''': Uh... no bones were broken, but they broke my [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]].

'''Al''': Well that’s still damage to property, it’s not physical injury, but, so did they pay for your glasses then?

'''Chris''': Uh [sigh] no, we, my mother and I we were already going through our own [[stress]] from the court dates and everything. Fortunately we got settled, we got stuck with a felony charge, mother and I, but that’ll be cleared up next June or July.

'''Catherine''': Next June, so do you have a court date?

'''Chris''': Uh, I don’t think there is a court date, I’m not sure.

'''Al''': When was this? What happened?

'''Catherine''': Yeah, when did this happen?

'''Chris''': Yeah this was October 2011. [pause] [[Michael Snyder]], [[The GAMe PLACe|the Game Hobby place]] I had been [[List of places that have banned Chris|banned]] from there cuz Michael hated my guts April 2008 and uh he was definitely a total asshole.

'''Catherine''': How was he an asshole to you?

'''Chris''': He was just very mean, uncaring, he wouldn’t even give service when I went in [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|one time before that]], that just, uh ask him OK everything's past everything and he’s like “no” he’s like “no” and he was gonna call the police on evidence so I left.

'''Al''': So wait a second, you went into the store one time and you talked with him and what happened?

'''Chris''': Yeah, I tried to reason with him. Like I was like uh [sigh] I had it audio recorded and I uploaded it for the reason I had at the time...

'''Al''': Wait a second, why would you record it and then why would you upload it? Where did you upload it to?

'''Chris''': Well, because I, because I [pause] well it was because, you know, so I could prove Michael was as mean as he was. Had he had not been mean I wouldn’t have uploaded it at all, but I mean it was audio when I had a digital camera in my pocket and it recorded the audio.

'''Catherine''': OK?

'''Al''': And when was this?

'''Chris''': Uh this was like um, two thousand nine, or ten.

'''Catherine''': OK so it was a few years ago.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So he was just basically an asshole?

'''Chris''': Yeah he was just, it was like every time it was just like every time I got half way through sentence he was just like “nope.” rah blah blah blah “nope” blah blah blah “nope.” Just a minute, “nope, nope, nope.” bipbipbibpbip “nope” -

'''Al''': So Chris, that was in two-thousand and ten then?

'''Chris''': Nine or ten I don’t remember exactly.

'''Al''': And you said you got arrested in 2011.

'''Chris''': Yeah because it was a trap essentially. My mother and I, we were in that part of town and we saw a sign on a store window that said “under new management” so I figured Michael was gone, right, but no he was the new manager of the place now and he had the police on call, ready right there at the people, at the Staple’s store to, to be like witnesses and everything and mom and I we tried to make our escape but they, but nobody would let us and then like, Snyder paid the police, told “beat the crap outta ‘em and arrest ‘em!” something like that.

'''Catherine''': He bribed the police?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Why would he do that? Why would he hate you so much?

[pause for obnoxious birthday song in background]

'''Al''': Why would he do that? He sounds like a really cruel guy?

'''Chris''': Yeah, he was really cruel.

'''Catherine''': How’d you find out he bribed the cops, did somebody tell you?

'''Chris''': Yeah, well, pretty much my mom figured it out, essentially and you know it’s like com- it’s like common sense to put two and two together and he figured that he would profit from me and my mother, he thought we were rich but we were not so rich. We had- it was a lot of money we had, but Mr. C, my father had left us and it paid the court and lawyer fees.

'''Al''': So what were you charged with then? I mean, it sounds like you didn’t really do anything.

'''Chris''': Yeaaa we were charged with trespassing.

'''Al''': Well you mentioned a felony too. It doesn’t sound like trespassing would just be a felony.

'''Chris''': There was also uh… There were...

'''Al''': You said you tried to make an escape, did you run from the cops?

'''Chris''': Uh a bit… yeah.

'''Al''': Wow.

'''Chris''': Yeah, they were blocking, they were try to block our path out but we made it out but then they cornered us at the nearby court building in the back parking lot, behind the building.

'''Al''': Chris, I’ve had to deal with cops myself, and I’ve gotta say, you never look forward to dealing with the cops but they’re still the police. You gotta treat them with respect. Even if you don’t agree with them you still have to show respect.

'''Chris''': Yeah… that’s…

'''Al''': It’s just important to do.

'''Chris''': Yeah, that’s still the process I’m trying to get to. ? uh giving the good from the bad from and I’m still seeing bad in a lot of ‘em because with the bribery and everything they can be corrupted. Cuz you don’t know what’s going on in their heads.

'''Catherine''': You realize that if you find actual evidence, like if you could actually put a case together for that you can sue them and you can...

'''Al''': Yeah, if they slip up and you get evidence that they’ve been bribed or that they maltreated you...

'''Catherine''': You could get the charges dropped and it’ll be off your record completely and it’ll be like it never happened.

'''Chris''': Yeah but... yeah…but that hardly… My mother thought that at one point but we we’re so stressed and everything we couldn’t really act on it.

'''Al''': It can be hard to find evidence of that, yeah.

'''Catherine''': It can be hard, but if this is all true, if this is really what happened then goodness knows what else has been happening.

'''Chris''': well... yeah, yeah.

'''Catherine''': So you could be able to help a lot of people if you did that.

'''Al''': Yeah if the police around here are acting like that you might not be the only victim. They could be doing that to other people.

[Part six ended]

==Part Seven==
===Transcript===
====The Game Place incident CONTINUED====
'''Al''': What happened then, did you get a felony on your record, or…?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah, ‘cause uh, there was a little bit of a…yeah, I mean we, there was a bit of a fight on the way out and…

'''Catherine''': A bit of a fight?

'''Chris''': Yes, yeah, something like, and uh, Snyder, he pretended to be like hit by our van, but he did not, but the van was stood still. He like hit the bumper and faked falls. Twice.

'''Al''': Wait, he what?

'''Chris''': He stood in front of our van. He did not want us to leave. And he pretended to be like, he got hit by the van. He kicked the bumper and faked his falls.

'''Al''': So he walked…so the van was not moving. It was, he walked up to the van and then like, fell back?
[[File:Stonewall Jackson.jpg|thumb|right|Michael Snyder]]
'''Chris''': Uh, well, he stood there like uh, shoot, what was that uh, the, the general who, Stonewall Jackson!

'''Al''': The Confederate general.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Like stood there like [stupid voice] Stonewall Jackson! Yeah. And then, like I said he…I’m not going to repeat myself, I’ve repeated enough times. He hit the bumper and fell.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Yeah. But yeah, so basically he filed a bunch of charges against you then?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': And the cops helped him out?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Did you have a lawyer?

'''Chris''': Yeah, we had [[Rob Bell]].

'''Catherine''': I don’t know him.

'''Al''': So how…

'''Chris''': Yeah he…

'''Al''': Who’s he?

'''Chris''': Uh yeah, he’s uh, he’s Rob Bell. And he’s an attorney. Uh, I forget what he specializes in. His office is in the downtown mall area. Uh, he ran, he ran for Congress. He’s a congressman among there. Um, but the way he handled our case, he was kind of like being, he was kind of like chicken about it. I mean, it’s like, yeah it was like…

'''Catherine''': How so?

'''Chris''': Like, he was, he, he wouldn’t, he wouldn’t assert us very well in the way he presented everything. Uh…

'''Catherine''': Like what was his, what was his argument? What was his defense?

'''Chris''': Uh…I don’t remember all the details. Um, um, but mom, but yeah my mom’s had more observation of Rob Bell than I would, than I was able to.

'''Al''': It, it sounds like you were innocent, ['''Chris''': “Yeah.”] so were you found innocent then?

'''Chris''': Uh, well we, well, he advised us and we went along with it to plead guilty. Yeah and then, and then all the char-, and then, uh, pushed us to multiple trials. We uh, had the, uh, shoot…the… First you go, you check in with?

'''Catherine''': Parole officer?

'''Chris''': Uh yeah, but indirect. We did not have to have a parole officer all the time so we just checked in with the person who was helping us there, being the parole officer.

'''Catherine''': It’s usually a parole officer who [?].

'''Al''': Yeah. So how long did you spend in jail then before the trial?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah, we spent overnight in jail from like, seven a.m. to like, three to six…I mean, seven, seven to nine, it felt like it was from seven p.m. to the following, uh, three to six…

'''Al''': But it was overnight. So it was like one day?

'''Catherine''': It was overnight, [?].

'''Chris''': It was like overnight, but I was really upset. I was, I mean, when you upset an autistic person it’s just really bad.

'''Al''': So were they not, did they not know you were autistic then, or did they not care, or…?

'''Chris''': They did not care. And, and I…

'''Catherine''': How did you know that?

'''Chris''': Uh. Uh, I couldn’t really think of it, I was just too darn upset. They were arrest-, they were arresting my mother and all I could do was just scream.

'''Catherine''': [?] your fault.

'''Chris''': Yeah, they, I didn’t, I ended up try-, I could not find peace while sitting in that jail cell, and not knowing where my, where my mother was and everything. Nobody would talk to me in there, and for hours, while I was stuck in there, so stuck in there, because there was no clock anywhere in sight. I actually thought it was like 7:27 pm on Friday, October 27th.

'''Catherine''': That sounds really terrible.

'''Al''': Did you sleep at all?

'''Chris''': [stress sigh] After we got back home late, after we got back home then, in the morning, yeah.

'''Al''': So you stayed up all night?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah. Yeah, I was just worried, worried, worried.

====Chris, Catherine, and Barb, united in holy matrimony====

'''Al''': So did you have anybody who helped you, or…? I mean you said you don’t keep in touch with your family, so who…?

'''Catherine''': Did you have anybody in your corner? Anybody helping you?

'''Chris''': Uh, well, yeah most, well there was one, yes, that’s my uh, [[Minor Family Members#Aunt Harriet and Uncle Tom|Aunt Harriet and Uncle Tom]]. My mom talks to her weekly nowadays, at least every Saturday.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': And uh, that’s pretty much it, uh, they haven’t uh, they haven’t invited us over to their new condominium.

'''Al''': Oy, where do they live?

'''Chris''': Yeah, they’re living in [[Richmond]], in Chesterfield County there.

'''Catherine''': Oh, that’s not that too far away.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So maybe, maybe what, could your mother maybe she could move in with them…?

'''Chris''': Uh, we don’t…

'''Al''': And you and Catie could live together. Would that work, or…?

'''Chris''': Uh, no, because uh, we do not know their address and they have not invited us over. All we have from Harriet and Tom now is their phone number.

'''Al''': Oh.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Haven’t you even been by for a visit? How long have they been living there? You say it’s new, so…

'''Chris''': I think it’s been like uh, one, two, three years, at best.

'''Catherine''': OK. So…

'''Chris''': Yeah, but anyway, but anyway…

'''Catherine''': I’m just not sure how I feel about…I understand you’re close to your mother, but I don’t know if I want to be married and also doing that. Does that make sense?

'''Chris''': I feel that makes sense but uh, I don’t think…

'''Catherine''': Because it’s not an usual arrangement.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Uh don’t, I don’t think you have to worry about that.

'''Catherine''': You don’t?

'''Chris''': Yeah I don’t think so.

'''Catherine''': You mean you don’t think it would be a problem?

'''Chris''': I don’t think it would be a problem.

'''Catherine''': So like, I mean like, what if we one day had [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|children]]? There would be children in the house.

'''Chris''': Well, we would be in the big, we would be back in the bigger house long before then.

'''Catherine''': Oh yeah yeah, no, I’m talking about after that, after you’re back in your, your real house. Like what if we have children, there’s children running about? Would your mother be able to handle them?

'''Chris''': Yeah, she would be able to handle them. She’s been able to handle the dog-, our little puppies, [[Clover and Snoopy|our dogs]].

'''Catherine''': Dogs aren’t children, though.

'''Al''': Yeah I mean, you said that she was having only a limited amount of energy every day. Are you sure that she could handle a couple new kids?

'''Chris''': [stress sigh] Yeah, I’m sure she could handle children.

'''Catherine''': Has she, have you talked about, is this something you’ve talked about?

'''Chris''': Yeah, we, yeah, we talked about it before.

'''Al''': So…

'''Catherine''': What did she say about that?

'''Chris''': Uh, she said, she shed she’ll be, she’ll be able to help out.

'''Catherine''': And…

'''Chris''': Yeah she’s just, I think uh, what really eased her, ease her to be able to stay awake longer is motiv-, is the motivation and the drive and she’s been feeling a lot better because I’ve been more happy lately, cause of you.

'''Catherine''': Well that’s good.

'''Al''': So she, she knows about Catie then?

'''Chris''': Oh yes.

'''Catherine''': What, what all does she know about me?

'''Chris''': Um, I showed her your photographs. Um, I told her you were part Scottish and Italian. Told her a bit, told her a bit about your father and stepfather. And uh, about your mom. I, uh, just went into that detail there and [?] and everything. I’m not, I’m not gonna go furder because I don’t want to upset you.

'''Catherine''': OK yeah, cause I’m not sure. I mean eventually she will find out that…

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I just don’t know how, it’s like, it’s like [?] about tomgirl/lesbian thing.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': So it’s sort of…in due time, I think.

'''Chris''': Yes, in due time. Everything in due time, but I did tell her a lot of things that we shared, talked about.

'''Catherine''': That’s good. And she’s, she’s happy with that?

'''Chris''': Yeah she’s happy and she’s…

'''Catherine''': I know for a bit she was a little bit concerned because she’s, she’s afraid I was going to take you away.

'''Chris''': Uh, no no no, I don’t think so. Yeah I think, if anything, she would, well, hm. I don’t know yet, but I def-, I definitely would not leave her behind if we moved into a new house.
[[File:Psycho house.jpg|thumb|right|Definitely not 14 Branchland Court.]]
'''Catherine''': OK. You must be really attached to her.

'''Chris''': Yeah but, it’s not like, it’s not like Bates Motel or anything like that.

'''Catherine''': What’s Bates Motel? Oh, that…

'''Al''': What the hell is Bates Motel?!

'''Chris''': Well…

'''Catherine''': Psycho.

'''Al''': What?

'''Catherine''': Psycho.

'''Chris''': The movie Psycho.

'''Al''': Oh, like the Alfred Hitchcock.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Yeah and they also made a TV series based off that, of before his mother died.

'''Catherine''': Oh, I haven’t seen the show.

'''Chris''': It’s on Netflix. Check it out sometime.

'''Catherine''': I’m scared of everything, so.

====Obama, Anna, and the trolls====

'''Al''': Yeah. Uh Chris, you said earlier that I was one of the males that you get along with well?

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, it’s like I don’t get along with most [[JERKS|males]] around the world originally, and I have a little like a few male acquaintances, friends, that I get along friendly well with, and I have to respect the president. Uh, and I guess pretty much to say, my mind, my mind is fixed so far. I voted for [[Barack Obama|Obama]] both times.

'''Al''': So why’d you vote for Obama? What made you decide?

'''Chris''': I, well, it’s like you know initially the first time he ran against uh, sh-, I forget his name.

'''Catherine''': McCain.

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, McKinney. Yeah, I would have, and I would have definitely voted for Sarah Palin if she had stayed in the running. But anyway, uh, I felt, I’ve watched both a-, both A&E biographies of McCain and uh, Obama, and with the way he was uh, raised and everything, in uh, poor countries and at distant from his parents and whatnot, I f-, I kind of felt like um, with my mental stabil-, with my [[autism|mental problems]] and whatnot, I felt like I could similarly relate to him? I felt more related, felt more relatable to him in that sense than McCain was. As he was the, uh, prisoner in that other country he insisted, he did not want to be released early. He wanted to go out with the r-, with as s-, at the same time as errybody else. Uh I mean, that is, that is admirable [he pronounces this word all wrong].

'''Al''': So why’d you vote for him the second time then? Did your uh, did your reasons change, or…?

'''Chris''': Uh…

'''Catherine''': Or was it just the same thing?

'''Chris''': I’d say it was pretty much just the same.

'''Catherine''': You felt you related to him more.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': So is that like, is that like a continuing thing for you, like you have to feel like you have to relate to an authority figure?

'''Chris''': Uh, not necessarily all the time, but I felt like uh, if I wanted, if I felt like I wanted to make sure that I had good reason to decide from the change and having a first [[niggos|black]] president. Aside from that, cause if I had done that, if I had done it on just that alone, that would have been [[Chris and race|racist]].

'''Catherine''': I suppose that makes sense.

'''Al''': Yeah. So Chr-, who else do you hang out with? I mean, aside from males, girls, do you have any friends?

'''Chris''': Uh, I don’t have too many friends. Uh, I have, I have gal-, I have two [[gal-pals]], uh, female friends, uh, yeah one of which lives in Utah. That’s [[Anna McLerran|Anna]]. And the other one lives around here with her boyfriend Philip, that’s [[Kim Wilson|Kim]]. Uh, but we don’t hang out much. Well we do talk like over instant mess-, over instant message for, and emails.

'''Catherine''': Well that’s good.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Plus I have uh, Anna’s phone number, so I call Anna [all] the time.

'''Catherine''': Well that’s good.

'''Al''': Well…

'''Catherine''': [?] talking to you as a friend, like?

'''Chris''': I feel like, I feel like it is important for me to have friends, but because of, because uh, uh, yes. I’m…yeah, but, yeah, for the past, since [[2007]] I’ve been, and definit-, kind of since two thou-, since after the trolls came in, it definitely has gone downhill for me. I became more paranoid of people now.

'''Catherine''': Yeah. And you were a little bit paranoid of me for a bit.

'''Chris''': Yeah. And I feel better.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, [?] real now.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': OK, good. I didn’t, I didn’t want to upset you.

'''Chris''': Yeah, you’re not upsetting me. Uh, in fact, in fact you’re doing the opposite. The only thing that’s upsetting me right now is recounting the uh, some of the past times.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I’m sorry.

'''Chris''': That’s OK. I mean, it’s, I mean as long as I can find a punch line to go out good with, that pops up random in my head.

'''Catherine''': Well if it pops up you let me know.

'''Al''': So…

'''Catherine''': [?] to me.

'''Al''': Yeah, so Chris, how did all these trolls or internet bull-, how did it all start?

'''Chris''': [sigh] Because I uploaded whatever I felt like onto the [[internet]], essentially Sonichu and Rosechu and I had a, before then I had a [[CWC's Pokésite 2|Pokemon website]] cause I was more interested in [[Pokemon]] at that time, plus also I was a fan of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] since Genesis. [dumb voice] SAY-GAH!

'''Al''': So they just saw all your artwork and then they were just like, hey, let’s fuck with this guy?

'''Chris''': Yeah. That’s, [[Chris and art|they saw my artwork as childish]] the way I drew. Anyway yeah, that’s a word association—you mentioned the fact of Genesis, I’ll say, SAYGAH!

'''Catherine''': Word association.

====Early video games====

'''Al''': Yeah. So you play a lot of video games?

'''Chris''': Uh yeah, I played a lot of [[video games]].

'''Al''': So do you have any favorite video games, or…?

'''Chris''': Uh, some, uh, yeah, I definitely like the, uh, I definitely like uh, anything with [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] in it, but, but my favorite Sonic game would have to be Sonic CD.

'''Al''': Cool. So how long have you been playing video games?

'''Chris''': Uh, pretty much all my life. My father also raised me on video games also.

'''Waitress''': Would you like more drinks?

'''Catherine''': No, I think we’re probably [?]

'''Chris''': Yeah, I think we’re good, thank you.

'''Catherine''': Sorry, I didn’t mean to [?].

'''Al''': Yeah. So he introduced you to video games?
[[File:Commodore 64.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's first crush.]]
'''Chris''': Yeah, he, yeah, shortly before I was born the Commodore 64 computer came out, and he bought it and got it for me. The monitor, the keyboard, the whole hard drive in that, and the floppy disk drive, even the printer.

'''Al''': So what’s your first video game that you remember playing?

'''Chris''': Uh, I can remember, I can remember a few from the, amongst the floppy disks I had, there was a Muppets video game, and uh, Ch-, and the Peanuts Charlie Brown video game with, about letters. And uh, and then among the floppy disks there was also Pitfall, Q-Bert, uh, Pist-, uh, Piston P For-, uh, Formula 1 Racing, um, and then there was a [[Donald Duck impersonation|Donald Duck]] video game that I lov-, that was kind of delightful.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So how old were you then when you started playing? About six, seven years old?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah, musta been like, uh, I’m gonna have to say as long as I can remember. Um, maybe at least one or, maybe at least six months to a year or two.

'''Al''': From when you started school, or…?

'''Chris''': Uh, started playing video games, started on the [[Commodore 64]].

'''Catherine''': At six months?

'''Chris''': Well, I don’t know. I don’t remember, it was soooo long…

'''Al''': Wait, a year old? Like, you can’t even walk at a year old, dude.

'''Chris''': Well, maybe, well, OK well, maybe, well, OK well…

'''Al''': Maybe like two or three years old?

'''Catherine''': [?]

'''Chris''': OK.

'''Al''': It was a long time ago.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': [?] you started to say, [?]

'''Chris''': Yeah, that makes more sense, one or two. Two or two.

====How Chris conquered [[autism]]====

'''Al''': So you, when did you find out, when did you find out you were autistic?

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, it was wr-, about within the first two years of my life. I said my first word, “monkey,” at about six weeks. I was trying to say “mommy.”

'''Al''': That’s very impressive.

'''Chris''': Yeah, and then I, and then I came up with new words as I went and uh, then I just finally stopped talking at about a year and a half.

[Part seven ended]
==Part Eight==
===Transcript===
====How Chris conquered autism CONTINUED====
'''Chris''': Yeah, and then I, and then I came up with new words as I went and uh, then I just finally stopped talking at about a year and a half. And my mom was very, my mom and dad, especially my mom was very, uh, what’s the word I’m looking for?

'''Al''': Wait, you, you stopped talking for a year and a half?

'''Chris''': Nah, I stopped talking at one and a half years.

'''Al''': Ohhh.

'''Catherine''': So you [didn’t…?]

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Catherine''': Is that common with autistic people?

'''Chris''': Yeah that’s one thing that’s common among autistic people. Yeah they either, yeah they stop talking and they probably like never talk again, or like my mom had all her positive influence and whatnot, never stopped hugging me.

'''Catherine''': What sort of positive influence?

'''Chris''': Yeah, hugging. Love. And like, you know, floor time, playing with me.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, that would do it.

'''Chris''': And talking to me. Ah, I started talking again at seven.

'''Catherine''': Sounds very devoted.

'''Chris''': Yes. Very devoted, they both were.

'''Catherine''': That’s good.

'''Al''': So they, they knew you had autism, then?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So, uh, what did they do, like what sort of treatment or special stuff did they do for you aside from just like, loving and caring for you?

'''Chris''': Uh, uh, I don’t remember exactly.

'''Catherine''': Did you have any kind of therapy at any point?

'''Chris''': Oh yeah we went to, we went, we went and saw, we saw people; we went up to the Coogi [?] rehab center. Krugi? [Neither Chris nor I know the name of this place.]

'''Catherine''': I don’t know [?].

'''Al''': I don’t, I don’t know.

'''Catherine''': I haven’t been here that long.

'''Chris''': Yeah. Yeah, and I’ve been, I’ve uh, learned about robotics and computers there as well. [Catherine: “Hm.”] Yeah, that must have definitely been after two years old. Uh, I think I was three, four, or five when I went to, went to…Krugi.

'''Catherine''': OK.

'''Chris''': Yeah, and uh, went up to, and then also sessions over at [[James Madison University]].

'''Catherine''': OK, since that’s a different sort up there.

'''Chris''': Yeah, yeah, and a few times over at [[University of Virginia|UVA]] as well.

'''Catherine''': Well that’s good.

'''Al''': Well yeah, I mean, obviously you’ve learned how to talk, so that’s good.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

====High school years====

'''Al''': So do you still talk, you said school was pretty rough for you growing up. Do you still keep in touch with anybody from school?

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, oh yeah, I tried to get in touch with my [[gal-pals]] in [[Manchester High School|high school]]. Uh, high school, the best years of my life there. My, my closest gal-pals were very nice to me, very good. But then I found out that they were hired to be my protectors because my, my [[Bob Chandler|father]] had set up with the prin-, uh the principal and uh, and uh, [sigh]. Lost my train of thought.

'''Al''': Hey, well your father had, your father had what with the principal?

'''Chris''': Worked, you know, talked with the principal. Set up…friends for me to hang, for me to hang out with.

'''Catherine''': [?]

'''Al''': Aww.

'''Chris''': And, and like, you know, protect me from bullies.

'''Catherine''': Were you bullied really bad?

'''Chris''': Uh, I was bullied a few times, yeah, considerably, uh...

'''Catherine''': So it must have been really bad if your dad went to that length.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': If he thought that that was what he had to do. I mean, how bad was it? What happened?

'''Chris''': Uh, uh, well, it, comments made, there was kids who were teasing me, shouting, “Sonic’s dead.” As in [[Sonic the Hedgehog]].

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah. And uh, then there was this one time on the regular school bus in my freshman year…

'''Catherine''': Mm-hmm.

'''Chris''': Uh, I got beat up by, I got beat up real bad, kid punched my glasses off. He wanted to be the first off the bus.

'''Catherine''': Was that, he just, he just pushed you and [?] your glasses off?

'''Chris''': He, he like, like…

'''Catherine''': Punched you in the face? What happened to him? Did you tell on him?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah, I did tell on him. I’m sure he got punished, I don’t know exactly, but anyway…

'''Catherine''': Well for something like that…

'''Al''': He just punched you in the face for no reason?

'''Chris''': [gets agitated] Well there was a reason: he wanted to be first off the bus!

'''Al''': Oh.

'''Catherine''': Well that’s, if something like that happened now, somebody would be, you know, get all kinds of detentions and stuff.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': But nobody did anything?

'''Chris''': I’m sure somebody did something. I, I feel certain he got punished. But any, but anyway, yeah, uh, broke, knocked, knocked a lens out [[Pedo-Glasses|my glasses]] then as well. Ugh. But anyway, the sad part for me is the remaining years of my, the remaining high school years, I had to go there on a [[Manchester High School#The Bus|handicapped bus]].

'''Al''': Why?

'''Chris''': [stress sigh]

'''Catherine''': Why would you do that?

'''Chris''': Because they feared, uh, they feared, uh, me getting bullied by somebody else on the bigger bus.

'''Catherine''': So they just… That seems like an extreme action.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Was that your parents’ idea or was that the school?

'''Chris''': Uh, my parents idea. I believe my father’s. Uh, but I, but I feel like it was the worse idea cause I ended up sitting, I ended up being randomly, ah well, I don’t know if I’m… Depending on how he felt, there was this [[slow-in-the-minds|very mentally challenged guy]] who was a little bit taller than me. He was like “bdeh, bdeh, bdeh, bdeh, bdeh.” [Chris blows three raspberries.] He had an older brother that helped him out. But, yeah, but he often one time just whapped me on the back of the head. A few times he did that.

'''Al''': So you rode on the bus with him?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah, I rode on the handicapped bus. So.

'''Catherine''': Did you have any classes with him [?]?

'''Chris''': I had no classes with any of, with anyb-, with anybody on that bus.

'''Al''': So he would hit you in the back of the head for no reason?

'''Chris''': Yeah. Yeah, for no reason.

'''Catherine''': That sounds awful.

'''Al''': That’s awful.

'''Chris''': I would, I would tend to think uh, it might be, from his perception, of maybe something like uh, [dumb voice] “Hey, high five! I said high five! This guy’s head is a bit like a fist so I’ll give him a high five!” Whap!

'''Al''': He just didn’t understand.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': He didn’t understand.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I guess that can’t be counted as bullying then, I don’t think, because he…

'''Al''': Yeah, he didn’t understand what he was doing.

'''Catherine''': He didn’t know better. Yeah, you can’t hold that against him.

'''Chris''': Yeah, I’m not, yeah, I w-, I’m not, I’m not gonna hold it against, I have not held it against him then except for the fact that it hurt.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': But his fath-, his brother told him that and made sure he understood and then, and then he stopped, but I still felt very uncomfortable sitting within that radius of him.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Yeah. So what made high sch-, you said you were bullied a lot; what made high school so good?

'''Chris''': Yeah, I got bullied a lot less in high school.

'''Catherine''': So then what made high school so [?]?

'''Chris''': And then, and then I had my cl-, and then I got to have my closest friends in high school, my, my gal-pals.

'''Al''': But who were they?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah I can name them: [[Kellie Andes]], [[Gal pal#Miranda Joyce Mitchell|Miranda Mitchell]], [[Gal pal#Sarah Anne Bevel|Sarah Bevel]], [[Tiffany Gowen]]…uh, for God’s sake, I can’t, uh….Did I say Kellie or Miranda first?

'''Catherine''': Kellie.

'''Chris''': Uh, Miranda Mitchell. [[Gal pal#Molly Quarles|Molly Quarles]].

'''Catherine''': OK. So that was your, like, group of friends.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': But didn’t you say that something happened and they all decided [?]?

'''Chris''': Yeah, yeah, it was like, yeah it was like, it was like sometime after [[Manchester High School#Graduation|graduation]]. Yeah, we got separated, uh, and then I found, and then I found most of them on [[Facebook]].

'''Catherine''': Yeah?

'''Chris''': And I tried communicating with them, but then they replied, it’s like, uh, they didn’t want to do a thing with me, and then this also ended up being a factor after the trolls came in and made a mess of my once good, made a mess of my good name.

'''Catherine''': So, what do you think the trolls had to do with that?

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, yeah, like uh, yeah they found out, they got to them first and told them everything, everything about, everything from their perception that was considered bad about me.

'''Catherine''': What did they tell them?

'''Chris''': Oh, I’m sure they told them like, [deep voice] “Christian’s gaaay.”

'''Catherine''': But if you’re a lesbian, then technically that would be…

'''Chris''': Well no, yeah maybe, they didn’t, it was, they, they were mislabeling me as a, as a male homosexual there. Or otherwise that I was just plain stupid. Well anyway, then uh, all the things that they blackmailed me, tricked me into doing, I went into some of that with…

====Chris's history with the trolls====

'''Catherine''': [[Chris humps his PS3|Blackmail]]?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Blackmail? Do you have…?

'''Chris''': Yeah, like, like I had my Playstation account on, in their grasp. Under the troll…

'''Catherine''': Did they hack it? Your Playstation?

'''Chris''': Yeah they hacked, yeah they hacked it.

'''Catherine''': So wait what, and then what happened? Like, what did they do with that?

'''Chris''': Uh, they uh, ended up giving it back to me sometime, but I never realized I got to call Sony and then uh, reset, uh, get them to reset everything and then I get back in my…

'''Al''': Reset the password?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Reset the account.

'''Chris''': Yeah. But they also, the, the trolls, they also changed the email address associated with the account, so that was a big, that was a bigger screw in the hole.

'''Catherine''': That’s quite a lot of effort they went to.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So, why would they…they’re that, they wanted to fuck with you that bad?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': They’re that dedicated to messing with you?

'''Chris''': They’re OK with messing with me, messing with him, messing with her, everybody they see as weak, cause they’re all stuck, they’re all stereotypically stuck in the basements of their house with their mother, with their parents being all overweight or whatever, yelling, shouting at them and everything, when they got all their high-tech equipment set up, and they just wanna fuck with errybody.

'''Catherine''': So have you, like, met these people, and that’s how you know they’re like that?

'''Chris''': Uh…

'''Al''': Yeah, how’d you find out who they are?

'''Chris''': Well, I, they pretty much revealed themselves.

'''Catherine''': Oh did they?

'''Chris''': Yeah, and uh, I’ve actually met a few of them in person. Once, once or twice.

'''Catherine''': Really? How did you, how did that happen?

'''Chris''': Well one was had like a set-up, uh, where, with a f-, where I thought I was gonna make a, I thought I was gonna make a new girlf-, [[Emily|a girlfriend]] there. My father was with me that one time. But it turns out there was a camera recording, and hiding from somewhere else [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|recording everything that was going on in that conversation]].

'''Al''': Wow.

'''Catherine''': Really?

'''Chris''': Yeah. And then uh, then this other guy came in dressed in a [[Man in the Pickle Suit|pickle costume]]!

'''Catherine''': A pickle costume? That’s funny!

'''Al''': A costume?! Why would he be dressed in a pickle costume?

'''Catherine''': I swear I was looking at you, that’s just so absurd.

'''Chris''': Yeah I know it is absurd.

'''Catherine''': Why a pickle costume?
[[File:201-SchuAqua.jpg|thumb|right|The drawing in question.]]
'''Chris''': Uh, because early, early in the s-, early in the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comics]], uh, I drew [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] eating lunch with [[Rosechu]]. He uh, he was eating a sandwich, he was eating a sandwich and he had pickle, it had pickles on it. Uh, it was like, “I hate pickles!” Ungh!

'''Catherine''': And that was it?

'''Al''': So, this Sssonichu character hated pickles?

'''Chris''': Yeah, but I made it clear more recently that uh, he was allergic to pickles.

'''Catherine''': OK. And that, and that…

'''Al''': Like, some people are allergic to peanut butter? Your Sonichu character in the com-, your Sonic guy is allergic to…

'''Chris''': Pickles.

'''Al''': Why did you make him allergic to pickles?

'''Chris''': [stress sigh]

'''Catherine''': Why pickles?

'''Al''': Yeah?

'''Chris''': Yeah, because, because I don’t like [[pickles]] either.

'''Catherine''': Oh.

'''Al''': Oh, OK.

'''Chris''': Uh, I tasted them and I’m not really fond of the taste. I like cucumbers, though. I guess it’s more the pickle juice that…

'''Catherine''': I suppose it’s just the pickle [?] preserving process.

'''Al''': Yeah, what they do is they get cucumbers and they put vinegar in it to make…

'''Catherine''': Vinegar and other [?].

'''Al''': Yeah, yeah, other preservatives to make the pickles, yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': So. But no, um, you were saying, uh, so why’d they break off your gal-pals? Why did they break off contact with you after high school?

'''Chris''': Uh, they did, they just want, they just did not, they just essentially did not want me being happy at all.

'''Al''':

'''Chris''': No, I had not done anything to them.

'''Catherine''': Really?

'''Chris''': Seriously.

'''Catherine''': So why did they, like what made them change their minds? Presumably they were fond of you in school, like they liked you or something.

'''Chris''': Um, well I’d say everything that the trolls told them. Um, but I think, I would say the trolls, they hated me initially, but then they wanted to find more stuff to hate me with, so they sent me emails and whatnot, uh, on the internet. Internet communications, since two thou-, since 2007. And uh, and [[Mailbag|I answered some of their questions publicly]] on the, I had a wiki-style website, Wikipedia-style. Not [[Chris's Wikipedia profile|Wikipedia]]. It was called…

'''Al''': Cool, so you had your own Wikipedia then?

'''Chris''': Yeah but I, it was just…

'''Catherine''': Like a famous person.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah, it was called “[[CWCipedia]],” cause my initials C.W.C., Christian Weston Chandler. Saying the initials it sounds like the word “quick.” Zzzt!

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Like Sonic is quick, yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': So you had your own, what happened to your website? Is it still up?

'''Chris''': No, they hacked it. And I just, I was like, they kept hacking it, and I was like, I was tired with it, I don’t want a website anymore.

'''Catherine''': So you just gave it up?

'''Chris''': Yeah and I, and I shut, I shut it down, pulled the plug.

'''Al''': So you just gave up and let them win?

'''Chris''': [stress sigh]

'''Catherine''': That’s sort of sad.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': You let them win, then that shows that they can bully you.

'''Chris''': [stress sigh] Well I was s-, I was, that was years ago. I think it was like, 2008 or 9 that I pulled the plug on all the websites I had.

'''Al''': That was a while back, yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': So, you could probably do it again, though.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Just to show them, like to get up there and show them that you are proud and that you are strong ['''Chris''': “Yeah.”] and they can’t pull you down.

'''Chris''': Yeah, it’s like, you know, even when I try to make a new relationship, uh, especially among the theoretical rex-, exes I had, I still could not tell which was which…

'''Al''': Wait, what do you mean, “theoretical ex?”

'''Chris''': I was saying we never met in person. And then we communicated essentially online.

'''Al''': So theoretical ex is like, fake ex, or…?

'''Chris''': Uh, it could be fake. But it’s like, uh, it’s, it’s a theory: I’m online, I’m talking to a woman, and then, likely, probably, on the udder guy’s [?] of a woman it’s [[Julie|a dude…pretending]].

'''Al''': Yeah, that’s not cool.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Yeah. That’s, well obviously I’m not a [?] woman, so…

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': I’m very happy about that.

'''Catherine''': Excuse me, I’m burping a bit.

====Al wants Chris to get a job====

'''Al''': Yeah. So what, looking to the future, um, so your plan is pretty much move back into your [[14 Branchland Court|old house]] and maybe Catie can move in, and…?

'''Chris''': Uh, yeah I think so.

'''Al''': So, how are you gonna take care of, uh, Catie then? And [[Barbara Chandler|your mom]]? How do you, what’s your plan for that?

'''Chris''': I think we, I think we’ll be able to pool our [[tugboat|resources]] and, and [[Chris and money|finances]], and do good. I know that doesn’t sound so swift, even I’m feeling that, but I mean, I just feel, I just feel like uh, we’re, we’ve been getting along very well and I don’t want to be alone forever.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': And, and you know, couples do work better together as a team, pool everything, you know?

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Well Chris… [lets Catherine speak] yeah.

'''Catherine''': I think Al is just concerned cause our family is so traditional.

'''Chris''': Yeah, that’s understandable.

'''Al''': It’s just, you know, you’re marrying not just her, but you’re marrying into our whole family.

'''Chris''': Hm.

'''Al''': And we have high standards.

'''Chris''': Hm.

'''Al''': And you need to take care of my cousin well.

'''Chris''': I’ll sh-, I’ll take care of her the best I am able.

'''Al''': OK. And if you, you just need to show her some respect and take care of her, and I’m not sure, I don’t know you too well yet. Right, so…

'''Chris''': I, I promise you I will show her a lot of [[Scale of Respect|respect]] and I will do my best to take care of her.

'''Al''': OK, well. We’ll see then. If you can prove that to me then you can prove that to me.

'''Chris''': Hm.

'''Al''': So.

'''Catherine''': Don’t be such a hardass.

'''Al''': Oh, well, yeah.

'''Chris''': It’s alright, I mean, I understand. I’ve seen a lot of the si-, I’ve seen a lot of the type on the, uh, telly.

'''Al''': OK.

'''Catherine''': He’s just looking out for me.

'''Al''': Oh yeah, if you, if you can treat her with respect, and you can maybe get a job, bring in some money, or continue this art thing?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Cause, it’s just, I think, eh, Cate would be happier if she was with someone who was doing something productive.

'''Chris''': Yes, I…

'''Al''': Kind of like, getting into the art, maybe start up this comic thing again?

'''Chris''': Yes.

'''Al''': Or maybe get a job and stuff like that?

'''Chris''': Yes. Yes I will.

'''Al''': Because when some people stay around the house too much, you know, it’s too much time to get, like you’ve got to get out and like, do you take walks?

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': Like sometimes, when I was living with my mother and my brother and stuff,...

[Part eight ended]
==Part Nine==
===Transcript===
====Al wants Chris to get a job CONTINUED====

'''Al''': ...I would go to work as a way to get away from them, you know?

'''Chris''': Right.

'''Al''': Just have some stress-free time at work, so.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Al''': But yeah.

'''Chris''': I understand.

====Attempt to escape====

'''Catherine''': (to Al) What time is it? We’d better go back to the mechanic’s before they close.

'''Chris''': It’s uh…

'''Al''': Yeah what time…?

'''Chris''': It’s ten after three.

'''Catherine''': Oh it’s ten after three, yeah they close at 4:30.

'''Al''': OK, well we’ll, we’ll wrap it up here in a few minutes, so…

'''Catherine''': Yeah. Because they’ve got, they’ve got my car, I gotta find out what’s wrong with it.

'''Al''': So Mr. Chand-…

'''Chris''': OK, OK yeah, so they got your car over there.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, that’s why Al had to drive me.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Oh that’s OK. I can, I can…

'''Catherine''': [?]

'''Chris''': Where, where, where, where was the mechan-, where, where is the garage then?

'''Catherine''': I’m not sure.

'''Al''': Uh, we don’t know the…you don’t know the street address? No, we don’t, you, we don’t have the street…

'''Catherine''': It’s, it’s in your GPS, I’m not sure…

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Well, OK, well I’ll, I’ll just, I’ll follow y’all.

'''Catherine''': Well I’ve gotta go, he’s got…

'''Al''': It’s a pretty long way to the mechanic’s. So.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, it’s, it’s near my place. You’ve gotta drop me off and then I, he’s gotta go back home for work. I’m sorry.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Mm. I’m really sorry.

'''Chris''': Um.

'''Catherine''': If I had my own car…

'''Al''': And this is, and the date here has dragged on a little longer than we thought.

'''Chris''': Well that’s OK, I mean, I like, I like, I like talking. Conversing.

'''Al''': Alright.

'''Catherine''': OK. And I’ll see if I can make rye bread for you.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': Two weeks?

'''Chris''': That’s on the thirteenth.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': That’s two weeks from now, I’ll try and see if I can make sure that [?] walking dogs and uh…

'''Al''': Well you can always talk with Catie over Skype, right?

'''Chris''': Yeah that’s, that’s another thing, I, yeah, did wanna get her, I did wanna help her out by getting her set up with a, um…

'''Al''': Yeah now do you have like a webcam or is it just a audio microphone, or what?

'''Chris''': Uh…[apparently whips it out] I have an iPhone.

'''Al''': Oh, well you use Skype on an iPhone. So.

'''Catherine''': Yeah, you can do that.

'''Al''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': Yeah.

'''Catherine''': I’ve got it on my computer at home. But I’ve actually got a, a phone line. I’ve got unlimited text now. So.

'''Chris''': [surprised] Oh you did?

'''Catherine''': Yeah, I got, I got an upgrade, so I’ve got unlimited texts now.

'''Chris''': Oh. Hm.

'''Catherine''': I can give you my number if you want it.

'''Chris''': Oh yeah, give me your number.

[Part nine ended]

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/listen/5u4tdussdod4ky1/CWC_Catie_Date_Complete.mp3 Download complete mp3!]
*[https://archive.org/details/cwc-catie-date-complete The audio on the Internet Archive]
{{CatherineSaga}}
{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Catherine Saga]]

John Tesh

2024-09-23T03:27:48Z

Got2Hands:

[[image:Johntesh.jpg|thumb|right|John Tesh, a man so dull we can't even come up with a snappy caption for him.]]

'''John Tesh''' (born 9 July 1952) is an [[American]] musician and [[KCWC|radio]] personality, famous for his unusual blandness. His "Intelligence for Your Life Radio Show" has aired on many soft rock and adult contemporary stations since [[2003]], and [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] seems to have been a regular listener since the early days of the program.

The show's format intersperses [[music]] with trivia and advice from Tesh on a variety of subjects. Tesh's romantic advice appears to have had the most influence on Chris. In particular, the [[third date|three-date rule]] has come up in his reams of dating advice, which may be where Chris picked up the concept (and subsequently ran with it).<ref>[http://www.tesh.com/ittrium/visit?path=A1xc797x1y1xa5x1x76y1x240dx1x9by1x2412x1y5xbe6bx5x1 Tesh.com: New Rules of Attraction]</ref>

Chris catches the Tesh show on his favorite local radio station, Lite Rock Z95.1.<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref>

==References by Chris==
*Chris's original [[Facebook]] profile mentions the fact that married couples live longer than single individuals. Chris provides Tesh as his source for this claim.
*Chris quoted several "dating tips" he picked up from Tesh in the seventh issue of ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]''.
*In an e-mail to [[Megan Schroeder]] from October [[2007]], Chris mentioned that he had learned from Tesh about the potential dangers of wearing [[Wikipedia:Crocs|Crocs]] on escalators.<ref>[[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Chris_talks_about_Crocs_and_how_he_was_kicked_out_of_the_library_for_soliciting_sex]]</ref>
*In the prelude to his last [[Julie Reveals Herself: The Prequel|conversation with Julie]], Chris mentioned some hygiene tips he picked up from Tesh.
*In his [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|YouTube sermon on Leviticus]] from [[March 2009]], Chris referred to Tesh as one of his sources of dating advice.
*During his first fan chat, Chris was listening to the Tesh show.<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref>
*During his first phone call with [[Jack Thaddeus]], Chris was also listening to the Tesh show.<ref>[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call]]</ref>
*In a chat with [[Jackie]], he said he would take Tesh's advice on wearing a green shirt to a job interview.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 3]]</ref>

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:John Tesh|Wikipedia article on John Tesh]]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Tesh, John}}
[[Category:People]]

{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Tesh, John}}
[[Category:People]]

Mia Hamm

2024-09-15T20:46:26Z

Got2Hands:

{{Honest}}
{{taxpayermoney}}
{{quote|And those- Those memories build towards the true love. And honest- in the honest emotions that have to occur during that relationship. Because without the emo- because without the true love and honest emotions, it's just about as meaningless as sex with a prostitute.|Chris, back in [[2009]]<ref>Mumble 4</ref>}}

{{quote|I came within seven minutes both of those times.|Chris on sex with Mia<ref name=discussions>[[Masturbation discussions]]</ref>}}

{{quote|My body, however, felt like it was being used and not fully appreciated. It even took a massive hit when I considered that time in ‘12 when I had sex with that woman, Just to lose my virginity and get it over with.|Also Chris on sex with Mia.<ref name=discussions></ref>}}

[[File:Mia 002.jpg|thumb|Mia Hamm after reading this article.]]

'''Mia Hamm''' (born approx. [[1980s|1987-1988]] or [[1990s|1991-1992]]) is the pseudonym of the woman [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] finally completed his [[Love Quest|Fuck Quest]] with, relieving him of his status as a [[virgin with rage]]. Named after the {{w|Mia Hamm|former soccer player of the same name}}, she is a [[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free hooker]] who advertised herself on Backpage.com - a site seized by the [[jerkops|feds]] in [[2018]] for sex trafficking ties.<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20120523054531/http://charlottesville.backpage.com/FemaleEscorts/ Confirmation of Backpage]</ref> Chris paid for an hour with her in [[April 2012]], which cost him [[Chris and money|$150]] of his [[Monthly tugboat|tugboat]], and later had sex with her again [[May 2012|the following month]].

He chose to have intercourse with her despite [[Chris and hypocrisy|his previous statements that he would not hire a prostitute because it would render the act of sex meaningless]]. His decision was motivated by a fear of going to jail for [[28 October 2011|an incident]] that took place in [[October 2011]], although [[Chris and the Law|prostitution is also illegal in Virginia]].

Details about Mia were revealed publicly in a [[Open_Relationship_E-mails#The_Hooker_Story|text document]] Chris sent Renee. The document was originally an email given to an unidentified individual who provided Chris with Mia's Backpage ad. While Chris is no longer a virgin, he still has rage, albeit not to the same extent, and it doesn't seem like getting laid solved Chris's deep-seated problems like he expected it to.

==Description==
[[Image:ChrisFirstTimeEnd.jpg|thumb|left|What probably happened.]]

{{quote|I need some sex. I am no different from everyone else on that topic. I get horny. I think about it OFTEN. [[Sonichu 8|I'm dreaming of inserting my rod 'A' into female slot 'V']]; [[Crystal Weston Chandler|followed by some]] [[Reginald Chandler|lost genetics]]. [[Virgin with rage|Being an Adult Virgin SUCKS!]] [[F Abstinance|Abstinance is a Joke.]] I am lonely. I am tired of being ignored and overlooked inbpublic by women. I Need Some Sex.|Chris on Facebook, shortly before the sexual encounter was arranged.<ref>[[March 2012 Facebook Posts#Need Some Sex|Facebook]]</ref>}}

Chris describes Mia as a black-haired, blue-eyed woman of 24, although her ad claimed she was 20. She has an "average" figure with C-cup breasts. Her personality is described as "nice, likeable, and down to earth." She has [[un-clit|piercings]] on her lip, tongue, and nipples. She is half-[[Cherokee]] as well, which Chris enjoyed. Mia has two [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughters]] to a man who abandoned her. Given her young age and the fact that Chris states that she had them "years ago," this could possibly mean that Mia was a teenage mother. The girls stay with their grandmother. Mia travels from town-to-town and is attempting to get an education to give herself and her daughters a better future, and told Chris that her escort service is just "a quick spot of cash for her." While working in Charlottesville, she serviced her clients at a [http://www.daysinn.com/hotels/virginia/charlottesville/days-inn-charlottesville-university-area/hotel-overview?hotel_id=10134&cid=whg_di_gglsem_br&wid=ps:br_whg&tel=18006821082&002=2188742&004=2113581259&005=15394730470&006=36511643659&007=Search&008=&025=c&026= Days Inn] hotel.

Mia appears to have since quit the escort business, as she took her ad down by May 27,<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20120527155707/http://charlottesville.backpage.com/online/classifieds/AdNotFound?category=4443</ref> five days after her last known posting and no subsequent ads by her can be found. The title of her last ad read "Just arrived MIA Hamm¡¡¡¡§pec@ils all day & night – 20," and it included a picture. However, the ad itself is unfortunately irretrievable, so its contents are unknown.

As for Chris, aside from a brief raising of his spirits ([[Duck|among other things]]) and getting a little [[Chris and his ego|ego boost]] from having "done it", the sexual encounters that he had with Mia did little to lift him out of his state of depression at the time. In the years since the time he got laid, Chris has been largely uninterested in hiring further prostitutes and has gone back and forth between wanting an actual romantic companion and being satisfied with either [[Polyamorous marriage|enjoying his self-proclaimed marriage to fictional characters]] and/or [[Affair with Mother|screwing his mother]].

==Chris's account of their meeting==
[[Image:Virginbreaker.png|thumb|Chris bragging about how he paid for sex.]]

{{quote|Oh, I forgot to mention, she Really Enjoyed my [[Duck|dick]]; it was soo big and good, that it put the last dude she was with to shame; Her Words.|Chris on [[Facebook]], unaware that hookers typically tell clients things they want to hear}}

After recieving Backpage ads of escorts from his unknown contact, Chris drove to the Days Inn located between [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U.S._Route_29_in_Virginia Route 29] and [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U.S._Route_250_in_Virginia Route 250] to have sex with one of them. Mia was not Chris' original choice and was actually the third escort he contacted. "Riley," the one he intended to have sex with, never responded to his calls, and "Kristen," his next choice, was unavailable. Chris then decided to call Mia, who was able to see him and told Chris she could be found in room 338.

Upon entering her room at 4:30 PM, Chris could tell that Mia had been smoking [[Tobacky|weed]], which made him uncomfortable. He calmed down, however, after smelling [[Chris and health#Hygiene|hand sanitizer]]. They [[Nudes|stripped]] for each other, and "communicated good throughout." At Mia's insistence, Chris wore a green-apple-flavored [[Chris_and_sex#Contraceptives|condom]]. She applied it to him with her mouth, and then began to give him a blowjob. Chris enjoyed it, and stated that her tongue piercing added to the pleasure of the experience. Afterward, she laid beside Chris on the bed and they began feeling each other up. Chris described her [[china]] as feeling "really good," and he found her clitoris, though Mia did not allow him to [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|finger her]]. They began making out (but no tongue), and then Chris gave her a massage that he also gives [[Barb]], which he claims she enjoyed. Then, Chris informed her that he was ready for [[hanky-panky]]. He "requested Cowgirl, with possible missionary later," though this did not happen.

{{quote|Her pelvic thrusts were amazing; her pussy was tight, even after pushing two daughters out of there years ago. And I supported her thrusts with my hands on her knees, weaving back and forth. I also gave her [[Plush Breasts|breasts]] a good thrusting. I felt her front pelvic bone, which really made the top of the game. She came and I came, but on my coming, it was only half-felt. And the [[semen]] that was mostly inside, but a smidge on the outside of the condom, confirmed it.|Chris describing his first time}}

Afterward, Chris washed his [[duck]] with a [[Mass debating|washcloth]] he had brought with him. They spent the rest of their time conversing, and Chris gave Mia a gift basket containing "three apples, lavender air-freshener, breath mints, a 4-gig flash drive with the track sets of the [[WTJU Marathon|1990 WTJU jazz marathon]], Teenage Dream and Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You) album tracks, and a Hello Kitty Pez Dispenser."<ref>[[LoveYouLongTime E-mails, 2011-2012]]</ref> Mia told him a bit about her background, and Chris talked to her about the [[trolls]]. He also talked to her about ''[[Family Guy]]'' and ''[[South Park]]'' before her clock chimed, indicating that her next appointment was arriving. Chris promised that he would call her later, which he did at around 6:30. Mia had already finished with her next client, and told Chris that he was a disappointment to her. She said that the man's penis was smaller than Chris's and that it was a "wiener in a hallway" situation. Very soon after, Chris posted on [[Facebook]] that he was no longer a virgin. He taunted trolls with the fact that the only people who would ever know the full story would be himself, Mia (whose alias he did not mention), the person who put him in contact with her, and his future [[sweetheart]]. Apparently, [[Honest Content|Chris sees no problem with telling a potential girlfriend that he had his first sexual encounter with a prostitute,]] [[Women's rights|and expects them to be completely okay with this]]. Chris saw her again the following month, though the details of their second encounter are unknown. Mia appears to have left the escort business very soon after her second meeting with Chris, meaning that he would have been one of her last clients. One can only speculate on whether having to sleep with a foul-smelling, overweight autistic manchild with a bent penis on a somewhat regular basis caused Mia to reevaluate her career choices.

===Fantasy vs. Reality===
Given [[List of Chris's lies|what we know]] [[Chris and reality|about Chris]], there is a strong possibility that this is not the [[TRUE and HONEST]] version of what happened. Chris paints himself as being unrealistically competent at sex for a virgin whose only prior knowledge of it comes from [[pornography]]. Additionally, Chris describes the incident as going off without a hitch, which is highly unlikely for a number of reasons, the most obvious of which is his horrifically bent [[duck]]. It is highly likely that Chris is omitting [[Obesity|unflattering details]] or making up flattering ones to make himself look better. Chris's notion that Mia enjoyed the experience probably stems from the fact that prostitutes often pay their clients compliments, because it helps them make money to do so. Chris would probably be [[naïve]] enough to believe that she was being sincere, or he could just be telling himself that she was in order to serve his already massive [[Chris and his ego|ego]].

In response to speculation about the event on the Chris discussion board [[CWCki Forums]], former troll [[Alec Benson Leary]] wrote:

{{quote|Yeah... jesus people, let me ask (those of you who aren't virgins) a question: What was the least interesting time you had sex like? Chris's hookertime was a tenth as interesting as that. He lay down, the hooker got on top and rode him for a little bit, then Chris decided his life was better than it was a day previously. The end.|[[Alec Benson Leary]] on the [[CWCki Forums]], 30 July 2014.<ref>[[CWCki Forums posts (Alec)#Mia Hamm]]</ref>}}

==See also==
* [[Hooker incident]] - Chris's first (and decidedly less pleasant) experience with hookers
* [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|Prostitution]]
* [[Kimmi]], [[Officer Nasty]], and [[Chris humps his PS3|his PS3]] - Chris's previous sex partners
* [[For Julie's Eyes Only]] - Chris's sex tape
* [[Carlos Chantor]] - Chris's first prostitution attempt (male)
* [[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's|Stephanie Bustcakes]] - Chris's second prostitution attempt (female)

{{References}}
{{People}}
{{Love quest}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hamm, Mia}}
[[Category:People Chris has had Sex with]]

Third date

2024-09-15T20:32:36Z

Got2Hands:

{{Quote|first date: [[McDonalds]], [[Burger King]], Arby's, etc; it would be a mutual choice between the two of us. Second Date; [[Obesity|CiCi's Pizza, Golden Corral]], etc. and a movie and/or a walk in the park. Third Date: mutual choice restraunt, mutual choice shopping, movie, walk or other, and hopefully, if she wanted to, snuggle and beyond.|Chris, [[IRC (18 December 2008)]].}}

[[Image:ThirdDateComic.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris, for once in his life, reacts the way anybody would to [[Bionic the Hedgehog|Bionic]]'s faggotry.]]

Prior to cutting out the middle man and [[Mia Hamm|hiring a prostitute]] (and later [[Affair with Mother|fucking his own mom]]), [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] had a set of beliefs regarding how a relationship should proceed and when it was acceptable for a couple to start getting intimate. As such, he alluded to the idea that [[Chris and sex|hanky-panky]] must occur on, or after, the '''third date'''.

==Background==

Chris, like many [[Autism|autistics]], tends to view the world in absolute values and quantify things which, by the rest of the world's standards, can't be measured with numbers or any other exact reckoning, due to his difficulty in handling [[Random-access humor|abstract ideas]]. His [[heart level]] and his [[Scale of Respect]] are key examples. In the same way, despite the fact that in his entire life he has only been [[Two's company snapshots|on]] [[Emily|three]] [[Catie Date Conversation Transcript|dates]] (and all of them were [[trolls|troll]] setups), he has mapped out his dating plans precisely. The first two dates are spent getting to know one another, and the third date ends with [[sex]].

Chris has often shown that his ideas about [[Chris and sex|sex]] are just as skewed as his thinking about any other aspect of relationships. In this case, he seems to believe that sex is almost like a fee paid after the couple has been together three times. It's hardly unusual, as Chris has often seemed to act as if he views sex as payment (during his friendship with [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]], for instance) as opposed to a mutual expression between partners. It was not out of character that when he did finally lose his [[virgin with rage|virginity]], it was to a [[Mia Hamm|prostitute]].

As with many times he's brought up sex, his fantasies sound a lot more like coercion or [[rape]] than what goes on between a loving couple.

==Rationale==

The "third date rule" or "three-date rule" is a notion common in popular writing about sex and relationships. Variations include the fifth-date rule, the second-date rule, and others, but it's most often remarked that one should wait until the third date ''at least'' before having sex, so as not to have an awkward relationship predicated on sex instead of [[TRUE and HONEST]] feelings (although one notable variation states that a relationship is not worth pursuing if both parties are not interested in sex by the third date).

While it's referred to as a "rule," no sane person would actually take the saying so seriously. It's a guideline at best. Chris, [[Chris and mental healthcare|being a long way from sane]], seems to have twisted the idea into [[Autism|a rigid, unbreakable law]]. If he can make it through three dates with one woman, he '''will''' get laid.

==References by Chris==

{{quote|Sexual Education is good after '''Date #3''', but how does one even get to '''Date Number One?'''|Chris, in bold letters on the front page of [[CWCipedia]].<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20140828190512/http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Featured_Article&oldid=2627</ref>}}

Because Chris puts so much faith in the notion that date number three means guaranteed sex, references to this idea show up frequently in his writing and conversations.

* On the [[CWCipedia]] Christian briefly mentioned that [[Dating education]] is needed because sex education is only useful "after 3 or so dates."
* Likewise, in his [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|chat]] with [[Vivian Gee]], Chris declared that "Sex Ed is good for date 3 or beyond, but what is it that has to be done before then?"
* In a [[IRC_(18_December_2008)|fan chat]] from [[December 2008]], Chris broke down his plans for three ideal dates, the third one concluding with "snuggle and beyond."
* [[Bionic]] expresses his belief in this rule before his second date with [[Megagi]] on [https://web.archive.org/web/20161008083659/http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_2 Page 2] of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu #7'']].
* In a [[Kacey Phone Call|phone call with Kacey]], Chris hopefully remarked, "Ah, date number three..." He then went into [[recycling|far too much detail]] about what would happen there.
* In [[Kacey Call 7|another call with Kacey]], after Chris mentions the third date rule, as he understands it, Kacey states that if "somebody did that to me, I’d smack them, and I’d call them a pervert," causing Chris to quickly backtrack.
* The course number for the [[Dating Education]] class in [[Sonichu|Sonichu (Comic)]] is DAT-303.
* Chris repeats, almost word to word, the above-quoted rationale for dating education in [[Autism Tutorial Part 3]].

==Exceptions==

Despite his frequent insistence that the third date mandates sex, Chris has proven himself unwilling to wait even that long. He is quick to remind a [[Sweetheart|girl]] that they can always go further "if she wants to," though the insistence is evident. Even when he isn't specific about what time the sex will occur, he always [[For My Sweetest Ivy|brings up]] that he's looking forward to sex, and thus making sure she's well aware that he has expectations which must be met.

In his [[Blanca_Emails,_September_2008#Future_dates_with_Blanca|meticulous description]] of his plans for meeting [[Blanca Weiss]], Chris proposed having sex on their second evening together. Ever the gentleman, though, he added that he would be willing to wait until the third time if she so chose.

Chris's [[OkCupid]] profile takes this obsession with immediate sex a step further, saying that women should message him if "they're willing to get to [[Chris's room|the bedroom]] as quickly as right after the first date." Given that the same profile also demands that women meet him in person as soon as two days after the first online contact, Chris has effectively shortened his expectations from three official dates to three days since the initial "hello." Needless to say, this aggressive stance on immediate sex has not gotten him anywhere.

Given how Chris is apt to take [[Attraction Sign|something that doesn't work]] and simply [[Fridays After Five|do it harder]], it was only a matter of time until Chris started to demand absolutely no dates [[The Hook Cafe|at all]]. In [[Jackie E-mails 22]] Chris mentions how he realizes he is "not mentally ready for a relationship" and says that he "needs more [[Chris and socialization|socialization]] practice in real life for starters." However, even though he explicitly states that he doesn't want a relationship with Jackie, he still tells her that he wants to keep casual sex open as an option.

==References==
<references/>
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Love quest}}
[[Category:Love Quest]]

Diamond Melody

2024-09-06T19:47:29Z

Got2Hands:

{{quote|I'm a unicorn with Levitation and other powers; she's a pegasus; Please, Bronies and Pegasisters: Make us look as great as y'all can.|[[Chris and his Ego|Chris tries to get free art out of his fans]]<ref>[[September 2017 Facebook posts#Quinn as a MLP OC]]</ref>}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:DiamondMelody-cropped.jpg|200px|center]]
|-
! colspan="2" | Diamond Melody
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Significant others'''
| [[Night Star]] [[Christine Chan]]
|-
| '''Species'''
| [[My Little Pony|Pony (Pegasus)]] Human (''Equestria Girls'')
|-
|}

In [[September 2017]], while in the [[Chris and the Internet|virtual]] bosom of his new [[Sweetheart|sweetheart]], [[Jessica Quinn]], Chris inserted her into the world of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]''. In addition to [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|reinterpreting]] a [[Lovely Weather|previous character]], Chris created a ponysona named '''Diamond Melody'''. Melody appeared in [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]]; however, with Quinn's breakup with Chris and the eventual emergence of the [[Idea Guys]] in late 2017, Melody would be condemned to a single comic and be replaced with a new horse sweetheart, [[Kun T’Nyuget]].

==Background==
[[File:JessicaQuinnArt.jpg|left|thumb|125px|''Jessica'' by Chris.]]
By the time Chris and Jessica had started their relationship on 7 September 2017,<ref>[[Jessica Quinn#As a sweetheart]]</ref> Chris was already in production of his newest issue of ''Sonichu'', which he decided to base on ''[[My Little Pony]]''. Months prior, having attended [[BronyCon 2017]] with minimal problems, he had a new-found inspiration.

On 17 September, Chris published a drawing of [[Night Star]] paired with a new [[OC]]. Later that day, he posted a reference drawing of the new character, who bore the name "Diamond Melody".<ref>[[September 2017 Facebook posts#Quinn as a MLP OC]]</ref>

By early [[October 2017]], Chris and Jessica were no longer a couple.<ref>[[October 2017 Facebook posts#Quinn breaks up with Chris again]]</ref> Within that same month, the [[Idea Guys]] began to manipulate Chris – an influence which would [[Sonichu 13|gradually seep into the comic series canon]], especially with regards to Diamond Melody.
{{clear}}

==In the comic==
{{quote|Yes, we soon romped the hay together, Diamond Melody and I.|Chris' ponysona narrates<ref>[[:File:SchuComic12-9Page29.JPG]]
</ref>}}
[[File:SchuComic12-9Page22.jpg|thumb|left|150px|Can you {{w|2013 horse meat scandal|spot}} the [[Idea Guys]]' input?]]
In the first story of [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]], Night Star transforms [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic Chris]] into a more identical clone of herself – with the only distinguishing feature being a white skirt. She then guides her CWCville counterpart to the human Diamond Melody, who is across the campus chatting with [[Vinyl Scratch]] and another student. It is revealed that in Equestria, pony Diamond is Night Star Prime's sweetheart, which effectively guarantees ''white skirt'' a [[China|fair chance]].

Melody is approached by ''white skirt'', who instantly recognizes her newly transformed fellow student, and compliments [[Chris and art|her art style]]. After a brief conversation, they all decide to meet up at the [[McDonald's|cafe]] after school.

The second story chronicles Night Star's first meeting with Diamond Melody. Both ponies are lining up for a concert in Cloudsdale, where Vinyl Scratch is "headlining" {{w|Slayer}} (this is apparently a universe where an EDM artist and a thrash metal band share the same lineup at a gig).

After Night Star eavesdrops on Melody's conversation, she [[Chris and English|smooth talks]] her way in and neggs Melody on her taste in Equestrian sports, at which point the discussion descends into a long back and forth about the speed of Pegasi. After losing the argument, because of course, Melody invites Night Star to a {{w|Tesco}} food stand, where they share a hot dog on Melody's dime.<ref>Editor's note: Implied cannibalism aside, Chris should be aware that the characters in MLP are herbivores.</ref> Shortly before they enter the concert, [[Hyperdimension Neptunia|Nepgear]] manifests next to the duo; they all discuss how to enter Equestria without morphing into a ponysona. Upon hearing of Night Star's [[TF2 Analysis|rapport with celebrities of many dimensions]], Melody gradually warms to Night Star.

Immediately after the concert, Star and Melody decide to have an impromptu date in [[CWCville]]. Melody initially struggles to walk on two legs, but Star eases her towards the notion. They visit a Tesco store, where they share anecdotes over ice cream. At the end of the day, the pair end up at the house of [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic Chris]] where [[Chris and sex|one thing eventually leads to another]].

Despite going on further dates, Night Star concludes that Melody's [[Earth 1218]] counterpart, Jessica Quinn, was doxed and unveiled as a [[Troll|troll]]. Carrying the burden of this truth, Melody was ashamed to be associated with Quinn, and could no longer feel at ease with Star; thus, she moved to Las Pegasus.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:Quinn pony.jpg|Reference drawing
File:Quinn CWC ponies.jpg|With Night Star
File:JessicaQuinnEquestriaGirl.jpg|As an Equestria Girl
</gallery></center>

==See also==
*[[My Little Pony]]
*[[Night Star]]
*[[Jessica Quinn]]
*[[Sonichu 12]] – which was also influenced by Jessica

==References==
<references/>

{{MLP}}
{{Sonichu}}
{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:My Little Pony]]

Sonichu 12

2023-08-31T21:47:18Z

Got2Hands:

{{quote|[[SLGBTQ]]Fun2009|Chris's title for his file of the comic<ref>[[:File:Sonichupdfproperties12.png]]</ref>}}
{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #12
| cover = SchuComic12-5CoverEdit.jpg
| coverdate = 21 [[May 2017]]
| began = circa [[2011]]
| finishedcomic = 16 [[October 2017]]
| pagecount = 118
| episodes = 24.5, 25, 26
| previous = [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]
| next = [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]]
}}

[[File:SchuComic12-5AltCoverEdit.jpg|thumb|Alternate cover.]]

'''''Sonichu'' #12''' is the 13th issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic series]]. After Chris restarted work on ''Sonichu'' #11, which he completed in [[June 2017]], ''Sonichu'' fans were reassured that they would get to see the completion of this issue. It was finished on 16 October.

The song lyrics Chris wrote in this comic was performed in [[Love is Love (song)|a collaborative effort between him and a self-proclaimed boy band]].

==Early projections==
It was not clear what this issue would contain, as ''Sonichu'' #11 was itself in creative limbo for years. Chris has said that the second or third part will complete the [[A_Sonichu_and_Rosechu_Christmas|Christmas special]] begun in ''Sonichu'' #11,<ref>[[CWC Blog#14 February 2010]]</ref> though given the date of that statement, and the apparent drift away from the Christmas special by the end of #11, Chris's plans may have changed significantly.

On 9 [[April 2010|April 2010]], [[Count Graduon]] was mentioned to play an important part in the issue, along with [[Metal Sonichu]].

Work on the issue was hinted to have started as early as [[2011]] with Chris mentioning Robbee's transition to a Tomgirl in an e-mail conversation with [[Jackie]]<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 28]]</ref> and as suggested in the alternate cover's cover date. The story would have involved Robee's relationship with Jackie's OC before being reworked due to him finding out that she is a troll.

==Episode 25: "To Be or Naught a Tomgirl…"==
On 21 [[May 2017]] Chris finally uploaded a scan of the front page, and more uncolored pages. The first episode promises to deal with [[Robbie Sonee]]'s thoughts about his [[Tomgirl|gender identity]], perhaps as an expression of Chris's own, though this comes across as oddly redundant given that Chris's transition to "Christine" was already expounded upon in ''Sonichu'' #11.

The title of the episode is nonsense, with Chris presumably lifting the "''to be or not'' to be" soliloquy in Hamlet (though likely through general cultural awareness [[Chris and writing#Chris's reading habits|rather than actually reading it]] and then throwing in an apparent misspelling of "not" as "naught" (actually an archaic synonym for "nothing/zero"), which makes no apparent sense.

[[Sonichu chronology|Early 2009]]. [[Robbie Sonee]] finds himself troubled; wondering why he dislikes [[Sonichu 10|violent media]] when other [[JERKS|males]] categorically do. He seeks advice from his sisters [[Cera Rosechu]] and [[Christine Rosechu]], his parents, Chris himself, and the internet, but to no avail. Still seeking answers, he consults [[Magi-Chan]] about his future, but Magi-Chan refuses to divulge anything, notionally to avoid depriving Robbie of a proper experience. Magi-Chan then immediately defeats the purpose of this restraint by telling Robbie that he possesses a "female soul." Accordingly, Robbie concludes that he is a lesbian transwoman. He formalizes his newfound identity by coming out to his sisters, declaring his intention to transition completely as soon as he evolves and adopts the name Roberta Sonichu. Christine and Cera unconditionally accept Robbie as their little sister, pulling her up into a hug and telling her that they love her and they're proud of her -- prompting her to evolve in their arms. Chris concludes this sentimental scene by having Roberta ejaculate on her sister's carpet.

Donning a new outfit slapped together by Christine, Roberta then heads to the top of [[Magi-chan]]'s police state surveillance tower. To help her transition along, Magi-chan offers her a [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]] binaural beat CD (the same kind that [[Un-clit_2.0 | served Chris so well]]) and reckons that the entire process should take about two months. Roberta offhandedly mentions that she also begins conventional hormone therapy, though this is rendered somewhat redundant as she magically sprouts double-D breasts and a penis that shrinks and splits into a new vagina. At the end of June, Magi-chan "examines" her telepathically, treating the reader to a nightmarish 3-D shot of her organs. He proclaims her transformation complete while also reminding her to continue taking her meds until the doctors instruct her to stop; Chris seemingly unaware that hormone therapy is generally a lifetime undertaking (and Roberta was magically transformed into a female anyway).

After receiving a "life trophy" for her transition, Roberta lists off her dating experiences, from the unfortunately named Vulva Pie (a creation of [[Jackie]]'s who was dragged into hiding along with her creator) on to Mimi (a random character and star of the [[Commissions#The_Flufflehugs_Commissions|Flufflehugs commissions.]]) The narration jumps ahead to Roberta performing (apropos of nothing) a Sonic Rainboom, a phenomenon Chris stole from My Little Pony, by running on the sky clad in a garish Rainbow Dash costume from the previous Halloween, all while her sisters film it. She succeeds, creating a rainbow that implausibly stretches across the east coast.

The episode ends with Roberta addressing the reader with a wandering spiel about tomgirls and female souls, along with a mangled Michael Jackson quote, and proclaiming that she is loved and loves herself.

==Episode 26: Prideful==

September 12, 2009. The episode starts ''in medias res'' with Chris in his new female Sonichu form locked in an intense battle against Reldnahc while delivering a long, incoherent internal monologue on the nature of love and hatred. The narration skips back to earlier in the day, where the main cast (and any number of shoddily drawn Cwcville citizens) attend the first Annual SLGBTQ Pride festival at Cwcville Park. Attractions include burgers and pop, "pride bracelets, knick knacks and lots of rainbows," and largely untouched "Banasaur figures". Jamsta and Lolisa broadcast live from their booth and loudly flaunt their heterosexual sex life, while Angelica meets with [[DStecks|"Danny Steckle"]] and thanks him for his large donation.

Meanwhile, Chris along with Crystal and the hedgehogs gather on a blanket in the grass. Chris regales everyone with a loquacious account of his psychic training with Magi-chan and Silvana, which is met with fawning praise. They are interrupted by the return of Sonichu and Rosechu's brood, Zapina, and Sandy, who come bearing some tat they bought at the stalls. They begin distributing it as gifts, while Cera bores everyone with an account of their acquisition, replete with ham-fisted references to lesbianism. They also receive a surprise visit from Chris's self-spawned children, Cynthia and Russel. The twins hug their "mama" with wagging tails and tell him they miss him, and he negligently brushes them off with an "awww!" It's at that this point that Heather Iglesias, their caretaker, appears in the comic for the first time (despite her token lesbianism having become dilute now, to say the least). After greeting the group with a string of broken English and incorrect Spanish, she removes the children.

Several more characters appear; first [[Patti-Chan|Patti]], then [[Darkbind]] with [[Zelina]]. Finally, [[Reldnahc]] appears, shocked that Chris is now Christine. He accosts Chris, announcing that the gay vaccine failed to work on him for some reason. He explains that shortly after Naitsirhc was teleported to [[Kel|Kel's]] cabin in Sonichu #10, he began to long for the power the black Sonichu medallion gave him while also developing an attraction to other men. One morning, he woke up, discovered that he'd fully turned back into Reldnahc and decided to abandon Kel.

Returning to CWCville, Reldnahc claims that he was living in an old, abandoned house because he didn't want to use a Soup Hotel, then immediately contradicts himself by admitting that he was going to Soup Hotels for his meals (and once again, referencing [[DStecks|"Danny Steckle"'s donation]]). Somehow unable to locate the address and phone number of the town's mayor, he had no option but to go to the pride festival to see if Chris would be there on a "mayoral chore". Having found Chris at last, Reldnahc unleashes a text wall of perfectly valid complaints about Chris and everything he does. Chris replies with a text wall of his own, offering minced words and non-apologies for some points and completely ignoring others.

Somehow, this lengthy and unremorseful word salad convinces Reldnahc to become "neutral" on Chris. He then leaves the group alone and walks off, but as soon as he is out of sight he falls into the sidewalk and is sucked into Graduon's pocket dimension or something. [[Graduon]], now possessing [[Metal Sonichu]], offers to give Reldnahc back his hedgehog powers in exchange for serving him. Eager to have his power back, Reldnahc accepts.

Back at the festival, Magi-chan abruptly alerts the rest of the cast that a "big battle" is about to happen. Chris reveals that he has modified his medallion by unspecified means to only change him back if he touches it, and mentions a "subspace cube" that he uses to trap Jerkops in a pocket dimension to prevent Graduon from using them again. The festival is evacuated while the cast remains to fight the Jerkop army. As Chris is giving them a pep talk (including a Nazi salute), he suddenly has a psychic vision of [[Cole Smithey]] somehow sneaking up behind [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and knocking him out cold. How Cole was able to accomplish this while all of the Sonichus and Rosechus were looking at Chris (and therefore, the area behind Chris) is not elucidated.

Chris and Crystal transform into Chris-Chan Sonichu and Crystalina Rosechu as Reldnahc arrives on the scene, declaring that he's finally found himself and that he'll be a villain. Cole appears and attempts to ambush Chris, but only manages to hit an illusionary double. The real Chris appears behind Cole and knocks him out, and THEN realizes that he just cold-cocked his half-brother. Chris cries crocodile tears over having to physically assault his half-brother, even though he stated 30 seconds prior that all he needed to do was tap someone with the subspace cube to free them from Graduon's influence. Just as Chris sends Cole to the pocket dimension, a transformed Reldnahc bodychecks Chris into a pocket dimension of his own.

Reldnahc straddles Chris, declaring that he's going to "take my advantage" and Chris immediately assumes (despite supposedly being female now) that he's about to become a rape statistic. Instead, Reldnahc tries to punch Chris's weak point only for Chris to reveal that he removed his weakness, something the reader was already told about fourteen pages ago. Chris uses his psychic powers to throw Reldnahc off of him, at which point Chris's narration interrupts to tell the reader to just go back and read the fight scene at the start of the episode. While Chris fights Reldnahc pseudo-offscreen, the rest of the cast fights his army and wins easily because they're Mary Sue trash.

Chris pops out of Reldnahc's pocket dimension with the defeated Reldnahc in tow, and Chris then proceeds to explain that some of the Jerkops in the army were actually zombies (something he insists will be elaborated upon in Sonichu #14). As he is also talking about how he thinks Reldnahc can be "friended", Reldnahc vanishes into the ether. Cera has her picture taken with a Janekop she knocked out during the fighting, [[Chris and Reality| something Chris insists was Cera's idea, not his]]. Silvana returns the subspace cube to Chris, and Magi-chan explains that they were able to release around 1500 mind control victims from Graduon's control.

Chris ends the episode with both a tribute to [[Bob Chandler]] and his own coming out story, claiming to be the reincarnation of a lesbian hippie who went to Woodstock. The final page splash panel of Jamsta Sonichu and Lolisa Rosechu performing a musical number.
[[File:Sonichu 12 2010 tomgirl.png|thumb|2010: Actually pretty cute]]
[[File:Sonichu 12 2017 tomgirl.png|thumb|2017: W O O M U N]]

==Episode 24, Part 2: The Clip Show: Catching Up==
Back in August of 2009, Sonichu begins to tell [[Chris and Copyright|Silvana-Disguised-As-Sonic]] about what happened the day he married Rosechu.

In the flashback, Rosechu is chatting anxiously with Bubbles and Angelica, concerned that something will go wrong, ignoring the fact that every female present seems to be wearing a white dress similar to her own in a huge faux pas.
Bubbles and Angelica reassure her that nothing can possibly go wrong, whilst Simonla and Zapina go through the checklist of preparations. Why a child is assuming responsibility for wedding preparations is anybody's guess, but in a possibly related turn of events, the caterers have yet to show up and set up, causing no small amount of panic among the team.

Sonichu ponders with the boys over his future, and similar to the Rosechus, they do nothing but spout inane feel-good gibberish, except Magi-Chan who shows off that he can predict the exact moment Bubbles will appear. When she does, she informs Sonichu that Rosechu has stepped out for some fresh air and not to bother her.

Bubbles steps into the hallway to be inexplicably accosted by Spinarak (a common spider Pokemon) after which she panics and floods the hallway with a Surf attack. She laments that she needs to dry her dress whilst in the other room Magi-Chan giggles over the impending misunderstanding whilst Sonichu searches for his phone to contact the missing caterers.

Sonichu walks into the room Bubbles is using to dry her dress, and for some reason, Bubbles tries to hide (she normally wanders around naked) and hands Sonichu his missing phone. At that same split second, the caterers arrive and Rosechu wanders in on Sonichu and the naked Bubbles, and her jaw drops in horror. Bubbles and Sonichu try to explain the situation, which Rosechu is quickly able to deduct as true and bursts into laughter, finding the situation funny. They decide the wedding will continue as planned.

We are soon treated to scenes and characters taken from Chris's classic [[Wedding Comic]] including Canino Houndhowl - on old OC of [[Megan Schroeder|Megan's]], a pair of cake-baking raptors of unknown genesis and finally Spas the cat who plays the organ. All the while, Blake is hiding in the rafters, creeping on Bubbles.

Chris stands as Father of the Bride and walks her down the altar, while Zapina replaces not only Ching Chong as the flower girl, but [[Crass and Champ]] as the Ring Bearer. Rev Elizabeth Foss proceeds to wed the two lovehogs by the power vested in her by God, Jesus, and CWCville.

'''NOTE:'''
''The Wedding scene was partially inspired by a fan comic, as depicted in the Comic Pages section.''

Cutting back to the conversation with [[Chris and Copyright|Silvana-Disguised-As-Sonic]], Sonichu explains that he and Rosechu had their honeymoon at a local hotel, making it clear that Sonichu is just as cheap as his creator. He goes on to state that his marriage is an inspiration for [[Chris and Reality|thousands to millions]] of people and that he enjoys positive fanart. But sometimes he gets some gross and "heavy" fanart that reminded him of one specific time Rosechu was hospitalized.
He explains that in March 2008, the family was out shopping and Rosechu was by herself at JC Penny's carrying several boxes that obscured her vision. As a result, she lost her footing and fell down the stairs. One would think that with reflexes established in Electric Hedgehog Pokemon, she would have been able to bounce back and minimalize injury to herself, but apparently not.

As a bystander calls 911, Sonichu and Robbie wonder how they will avoid paying for the treadmill they just destroyed. Magi-Chan uses the power of deus ex machina to inform Sonichu and his daughters that Rosechu has been hurt. As they hasten to the scene, they are all brought to tears as Sonichu commits a big medical NO-NO and picks up his injured wife who cannot move, likely further damaging any broken bones she is sustaining.
Had her spine been injured, he very possibly may have caused irreparable damage. It turns out both of Rosechu's legs are broken and all it takes is two weeks with casts on to fix her right up (in reality, even minor breaks in both legs would take several months to heal).

Regardless, Rosechu returns home after a fortnight and is dismayed to see she has gained a little weight; a few pounds as stated, which is negligible. Sonichu takes a moment to remind the reader that even if Rosechu had been horrifically disfigured as depicted in some of the nastier fan-art, he would still love and adore her.

Meanwhile, Sonichu and his girls have cooked a welcome-home feast for Rosechu, who is anxious that if she overeats she will gain more weight. Nobody passes comment on Robbie having magically become a huge-breasted woman in the preceding fortnight.

Rosechu sits at the table and immediately begins to gorge herself on all of the food whilst her family stare on in shock. Afterward, sporting a hefty food-baby, she thanks them for the meal and goes to wash and get ready for bed. Sonichu hands Roberta $20 to get pizza whilst he tends to his wife. He asks Rosechu if everything is alright, concerned for her sudden massive appetite. Rosechu brushes him off and boasts she can fit into her skinny clothes before going on a tirade about how great food is.

Sonichu steps out of the story to crucially inform us that his daughters gave him a slice of pizza, before jumping back in. Being the attentive husband he is, he pokes her food-baby to let her know that she's too fat for all her slimmer clothes. Rosechu, unsurprisingly, bursts into tears and talks about how she doesn't want to be fat, but she felt obligated to eat the massive meal they had worked so hard on for her. Sonichu says he doesn't mind, and snuggles into her tummy and Rosechu, touched by his continued tenderness and affection, decides that perhaps he prefers her this way and considers not bothering to take the weight off after a text panel strongly implies they had sex.

The next morning, Rosechu has inexplicably become obese, literally overnight. Cera, tactless, jokingly asks if Rosechu is pregnant. Rosechu announces she is not pregnant and wants to have a lazy first day home after her hospital stay and binge watch TV and play video games.

Cera is offended that her fat mother is content with her looks and tries to coax her into a fitness routine. Rosechu refuses, stating that after she's had her fun, she'll be back to work cooking for the family and that Cera is an ungrateful little shit for being upset that she's serving up Mexican food and caramel apples. After Cera tries one more time to get her mother on the treadmill, Rosechu simply leaves to make herself some pancakes.

Cera completely over-reacts and begins pestering Roberta, asking if she's seen Rosechu this morning. Roberta explains she and Christine spoke with Sonichu and have come to the reasonable conclusion not to force their mother to change when she's still recovering. Cera, still disgusted at the idea of having a fat cow for a mother, sends a video message to her school informing them she's not going to be turning up today because her mom is "big like Godzilla", and finishes by demanding Roberta get her homework for her, who complies.

Rosechu, meanwhile, orders cookies from Sandy and Zapina. She continues growing in size, and Cera simply joins in as well, feeling distraught about this entire situation. Later, on May 1st, Sonichu has a dream. He dreams that [[Count Graduon]] captured both Rosechu and Chris and that he has to get through all three of his challenges. His first challenge is to swim down a river. When told to throw a cucumber into it, it's revealed that the river is made of [[pickle]] brine. He ends up getting big and fat, not unlike his wife.

He then is told to get through a very narrow tunnel. He decides to do so, and for some reason, the slime within it makes him thin out back to regular size. Whether Chris intended it or not, the tunnel resembles a [[China|birth canal]]; clearly the Freudian connotations of [[Barb|crawling back into the womb]] are lost on Chris. Finally, he is given two doors. One to save his beloved Rosechu, and the other to save Chris and CWCville. After an angsty dilemma, he ends up choosing Rosechu, who manages to help save Chris as well. They all get into a group hug, but Graduon isn't finished yet... However, at that moment, Sonichu wakes up under his whale of a wife. He rolls her over somehow, and once she wakes up he explains his dream to her. She explains that since she prefers the active life (and that she's tired of her tail falling asleep), she is going to ditch the belly.

She goes downstairs and invites her daughter to join her on this journey, which she excitedly accepts. As the days go by, Rosechu and Cera somehow lose their considerable fat within less than 2 weeks (while [[Layla]] gains a lot of weight for some reason), and after some quick exposition, [[Sonic]] and [[Amy]] join the two for a total of two pages. They say goodbye and go home. Then, seemingly for no reason, it's revealed that Sonic was [[Silvana]] and Amy was a Ditto. This concludes Book 12.

==Comic pages==

<div style="margin:auto">{{collapsible
|Pages from Sonichu 12
|<gallery mode="nolines" perrow="10">
File:Sonichu - Issue 12, Cover.jpg | Cover
File:SchuComic12-5AltCoverEdit.jpg | Alternate Cover
</gallery>
<gallery caption="Episode 25: To Be or Naught a Tomgirl…" mode="nolines" perrow="10">
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</gallery>
<gallery caption="Episode 26: Prideful" mode="nolines" perrow="10">
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</gallery>
<gallery caption="Episode 24, Part 2: The Clip Show: Catching Up" mode="nolines" perrow="10">
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File:SchuComic12-1P105.jpg | Page 105
File:SchuComic12-1P106.jpg | Page 106
File:SchuComic12-1P107.jpg | Page 107
File:SchuComic12-1P108.jpg | Page 108
File:SchuComic12-1P109.jpg | Page 109
File:SchuComic12-1P110.jpg | Page 110
File:SchuComic12-1P111.jpg | Page 111
File:SchuComic12-1P112.jpg | Page 112
</gallery>
<gallery caption="Bonus song pages" mode="nolines" perrow="10">
File:SchuComic12-1PAA.jpg | Page 113
File:SchuComic12-1PBB.jpg | Page 114
File:SchuComic12-1PCC.jpg | Page 115
File:SchuComic12-1PDD.jpg | Page 116
File:SchuComic12-1PEE.jpg | Page 117
File:SchuComic12-1PFF.jpg | Page 118
</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|Development sketches
|<gallery mode="nolines" perrow="10">
File:Sonichu Issue 12 pg 1.jpg | Page 1
File:Sonichu Issue 12 pg 2.jpg | Page 2
File:Sonichu Issue 12 pg 3.jpg | Page 3
</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|The Wedding Comic Chris ripped off
|<gallery mode="nolines" perrow="10">
File:F1cover.jpg | Cover
File:F1insidecover.jpg | Inside Cover
File:F1p01.jpg | Page 1
File:F1p02.jpg | Page 2
File:F1p03.jpg | Page 3
File:F1p04.jpg | Page 4
File:F1p05.jpg | Page 5
File:F1p06.jpg | Page 6
File:F1p07.jpg | Page 7
File:F1p08.jpg | Page 8
File:F1p09.jpg | Page 9
File:F1p10.jpg | Page 10
</gallery>}}</center>

==Credits==
As the book was featured on Chris's [[Patreon]], he gave credit mentions in the printed edition. The top six credits for this issue:

*[[Jessica Quinn]] (honorable mention, with her last name struck out as Chris didn't know it)
*VikingBoyBilly, aka [[William Elliott Waterman]]
*[[Merryweathery]]
*Kristie Pollard
*[[DStecks]] (down three places on the list since [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]'s credits)
*OnionNull, aka [[Kenneth Erwin Engelhardt]]

<center>{{collapsible
|Images
|<gallery perrow="3">
File:Sonichu 12 credits.jpg
File:Sonichu 12 credits2.jpg
</gallery>}}</center>

==Fan reading==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu Episode 25, Part 1 // a not so comprehensive reading
| ytid = ajjgR9IUIAA
| stardate = 13 [[August 2018]]
| maker =foobird
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu Episode 25 Part 2 // Lesbianchu
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8AG-kK1FnL0}}
| stardate = 18 [[August 2018]]
| maker =foobird
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu Episode 26, Part 3 // End
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Fszk5VyZVXg}}
| stardate = 12 [[January 2019]]
| maker =foobird
}}

==References==
<references/>
{{Sonichu}}
{{articleofthenow}}
[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Date with Emily

2023-08-31T20:57:19Z

Got2Hands:

[[Image:Emily date.png|thumb|250px|Bob, Chris, and Emily (face censored) at the food court.]]

On 19 [[March 2009]], [[Chris]] went on '''his first [[dating|date]] ever''', with a [[troll]] called [[Emily]]. For posterity's sake, the event was recorded, and is now presented in text format for your enjoyment here.

Chris brought his father [[Bob]] along for the date. Amusingly, it is Bob who leads much of the conversations throughout; he and Emily share lengthy and fairly interesting discussions about his past, retirement, and other life aspects, while Chris is relegated to various attempts at interrupting and the occasional aside. An hour or so later, Emily and Chris leave on their own - and it is at that point where [[The Man in the Pickle Suit]] spirits her away from Chris.

==Summary==
* The trolls worry about a possible appearance by [[Snorlax|Barb]], wire Emily with a microphone and run a mic check.
* Emily talks to [[Bob]], ignores Chris.
* Bob recites his work history, from serving in the army to retirement. Chris talks a grand total of 9 times, gets ignored.
* Bob goes on at length about being retired. Chris tries to interrupt on multiple occasions, and fails every single time.
* Chris reveals his favorite artist is [[Britney Spears]].
* Bob discusses his patchy medical history.
* Bob points out that Chris doesn't pay that much attention to him, Chris struggles to find an explanation for why.
* Finally, Chris gets a whole minute in which to talk. The [[Amnyfest Ring]] makes an appearance.
* Chris asks why [[University of Virginia|UVA]] doesn't have a [[Sonichu Girls]] chapter.
* Chris brings up his [[Heterochromia|pink-eye]].
* Bob goes back to his health problems.
* Bob and Chris mention their [[Cherokee]] heritage.
* Chris flirts.
* Chris fails at flirting.
* Chris does the infamous [[Donald Duck]] impression.
* Chris talks about [[Sailor Moon]].
* Emily and Chris leave Bob and go out into the mall.
* Chris brings up winning the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|Sonic competition]].
* Emily tries to be discreet about going to the bathroom. Chris announces she's on her period.
* Emily attempts to escape.
* The [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Pickle Man]] arrives and saves Emily, whereupon Chris announces "HE KNOWS [[Clyde Cash|CLYDE CASH]]." A random passerby, seemingly baffled by the strange scene, stops to complement Pickle Man's costume and asks why he's dressed like that, and whether it's for an advertisement. When the Pickle Man explains that he's just doing it because he's bored, the passerby is sufficiently impressed and continues on their way, but not before Chris tries to explain that he was being haunted by the Pickle Man.
* Pickle Man suggests that all three go to watch ''Watchmen''; Chris expresses hesitance and apprehension while Emily agrees with the idea, much to Chris's protests.
* Chris gives up trying to make any sort of defense against the Pickle Man's logic.
* Chris tries to kiss Emily goodbye.
* Emily makes good her escape and goes home with the Pickle Man.

==Cast==

'''Chris''' – Misshapen, autistic manchild, his disgusting nature seeps into the very recording of his voice.

'''Emily''' - Queen of [[trolls]], she risks both life and limb on a plunge into the heart of darkness.

'''Bob''' – Robert Chandler, the proud [[Internet]] lumberjack. Possible love interest to Emily, though he is apparently nothing more than a slave to Chris.

'''Pickle Man''' – Brave and daring hero, he protects Emily from certain peril.

'''Frosty''' - A whiz kid, his high-tech know-how keeps the group online.

'''Camwhore''' - "Emily's friend", her mission is to capture video of the event.

==Video==
This short clip, recording by Camwhore, is the only known footage of the date.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Date with Emily (Video)
| ytid = kaLvsLHTsOw
| stardate = 19 [[March 2009]]
| style = {{Comedy|text}}
| saga = {{Emily|text}}
| shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}} {{SafetyParka|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[CWC Update 18 March 2009 More Updated]]
| next = [[CWC_Update_18_March_2009_More_Updated#Director.27s_Cut|CWC Update 18 March 2009 More Updated - Director's Cut]]
}}

==Audio==
This contains the full audio of the date, from Emily's POV.

{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Date with Emily (Audio)
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|n0mLPSHWdZc}}
| stardate = 19 [[March 2009]]
| featuring = [[Chris]], [[Emily]], [[Bob]], [[The Man in the Pickle Suit]]
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Emily|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
}}

==Transcript==
=== Overture (0:00:00–0:03:13) ===
[[Image:ThongMic.jpg|thumb|right|Artist's impression of what Emily is wearing.]]
'''Frosty:''' Okay... lock it?

'''Frosty:''' Okay-

'''Camwhore:''' Are you wearing a [[Butt garments|thong]]? With a-

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Camwhore:''' That better be fuckin' ''tight''.

'''Emily:''' It's tight.

'''Camwhore:''' That may pop out while you're walking around, while you're like-

'''Emily:''' I should be like-

'''Camwhore:''' Or a robotic [[China|vagina]].

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' Say "It's my [[Sex toys|vibrator]]."

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' It's one of those things that you see taped to those- those hentai-

'''Frosty:''' Well, the thing is, Chris- if you said that to Chris, he would squeal.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Ungh, ungh, ungh, ungh! Okay, if he gets, like, ''way'' too close to me, I'm just gonna be like- get my chair farther away.

'''Camwhore:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' I really like your [inaudible]

'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughs''] Maybe Barb- Barbara can come.

'''Emily:''' Apparently, she doesn't leave the house anymore.

'''Pickle Man:''' No, I'm just [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Frosty:''' There- there are [[Obesity|Barb candidates]] ''everywhere''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Frosty:''' No, no, no, no, no, no. But- but in all actuality, there should be no [[Barb]]; if there ''is'' Barb, I will [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit myself]].

'''Emily:''' If there is Barb, we're- we're done.

'''Camwhore:''' We're not showing up.

'''Frosty:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Frosty:''' "You brought your mommy?"

'''Emily:''' I should be like, "No– just put that shit in the bag, and we're not doing anything today."

'''Camwhore:''' Yeah.

'''Frosty:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' That's it.

'''Camwhore:''' And you can call him and be like "You owe me a ''dire'' apology, and you're the… jack-off-"

'''Emily:''' No– I'm sure I'm gonna yell at him, and make him ''cry''.

'''Frosty:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' And I'm gonna be like "Oh– I live in [[Clyde]]'s playboy mansion now." [''laughs'']

'''Frosty:''' No– even better!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' [aside] I'm waiting. I'm ''part'' of Clyde's playboy mansion.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Camwhore:''' I'm the janitor.

[''all laugh loudly'']

'''Emily:''' Okay– let's go see if he's there.

'''Camwhore:''' ''You'' go see if he's there.

'''Emily:''' ''No!'' 'Cause- 'cause it's-

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible (but about "a girl")]

'''Emily:''' 'Cause I'm gonna make it like an entrance, like… ''"Hiii!"''

'''Pickle Man:''' Did he say where [''inaudible, presumably "where he'll park his car", judging by Camwhore's response'']

'''Emily:''' No. Like, he wants to be- he wants to meet in front of [[Chick-fil-A]], so…

'''Camwhore:''' Figures! But the ''general'' idea would be you park near where you wanna… go.

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Camwhore:''' What if that [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' [aside] [inaudible] Do you see those pile of balloons right there? Swear to God: it looks like a [[Pickle|penis]].

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Camwhore:''' The balloons. Right here.

'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' It's a fuckin' penis.

[pause]

'''Camwhore:''' Nope.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

[pause]

'''Emily:''' [''sighs'']

'''Camwhore:''' [''sighs'']

[pause]

'''Camwhore:''' There's that ugly bitch that looks like [[Wikipedia:Kidney Boy and Hamster Girl: A Love Story|Hamster Girl]]… at [[Coffee Place|Starbucks]].

'''Emily:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Camwhore:''' She ''looks'' like Hamster Girl.

'''Pickle Man:''' ''Which'' one looks like Hamster Girl?

'''Camwhore:''' Right there. The only one that you can see working?

'''Pickle Man:''' Oh– over at Starbucks? You should see her with that hair off.

'''Camwhore:''' No, no, no. She looks like Hamster Girl. [''inaudible'']

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm telling you: you should see her with that [[hair] off!

'''Camwhore:''' Oh– she don't have no hair?

'''Pickle Man:''' Um...

'''Camwhore:''' Oh– she has a fake-

'''Pickle Man:''' She has fake hair, or… she has no hair… or the hair back like this.

'''Camwhore:''' Well, yeah– I knew that.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Camwhore:''' I was gonna say: I don't- I guess she dyed her hair blond. 'Cause I remember seeing her with some ugly, strange-colored hair.

===Target acquired (0:03:13–0:04:43)===

'''Frosty:''' There he is!

'''Camwhore:''' Shut up!

'''Emily:''' [''startled''] What?

'''Frosty:''' I can see a [''inaudible''] jacket.

'''Emily:''' Oh my God! [''jokingly''] Eject! Oh my God!

'''Frosty:''' Is your jacket on? [''unintelligible''] Put your jacket on. Are you ready?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I'm ready. [''laughs nervously''] This is gonna be my best acting moment ever.

'''Pickle Man:''' He can't see my face before I suit up.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– go, like, look, 'cause he has to sit down first.

'''Pickle Man:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Frosty:''' He'll realize later: that's what it was.

'''Camwhore:''' I don't feel bad.

'''Emily:''' Okay. Hopefully, he, like, won't come, like, around and- [''inaudibly interrupted''] Huh? I don't have my phone.

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Oh my God…

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' If this goes all smoothly, I should get, like…

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] Where do I sit… to, like, watch [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Um, there's some ''benches'', like… by the tables. [abruptly] Oh! Oh! Oh, no.

'''Pickle Man:''' Where do I go?

'''Emily:''' Okay– there's some benches, like, ''nearby''…

'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah?

'''Emily:''' Um, just sit and watch him [''unintelligible''] till you need to go change or whatever.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. Well, I- I started the- I [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. I'll [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''exhales loudly''] Yeah. Or just, like… kinda walk around and see if you can… see us.

===The Green Mile (0:04:44–0:05:19)===

[''Emily's footfalls can be heard as she marches off to meet the manchild.'']

===Meet the Parent (0:05:20–0:07:17)===

'''Emily:''' ''Hi!''

'''Chris:''' Hello! Emily?

'''Emily:''' Yeah! I'm Emily. So nice to meet you!

'''Chris:''' Hi, Emily. This is my father, Robert.

'''Bob:''' Hello.

'''Emily:''' Hello. [pause] I've started [[Rosechu|shopping]] a little bit.

'''Chris:''' That's alright.

'''Bob:''' You're from West Virgina?

'''Emily:''' Yeah... I used to live here for a while, but then, I-

'''Chris:''' [''abruptly''] Hey!

'''Emily:''' But then, I moved to-

'''Chris:''' [[Autism|Cute hat!]]

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I thought you might like it.

'''Chris:''' [''laughs contentedly'']

'''Bob:''' You go to school over there?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– [[Wikipedia:West Virginia University|University of West Virginia]]. My friend, uh, wanted to go to school there, and she's my best friend, so I have to… go with her everywhere! [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' That sounds like the best way to do things!

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Hey, Emily– you mind, uh, a photo of you and me together?

'''Emily:''' Sure!

[pause]

'''Bob:''' What are you taking?

'''Emily:''' I'm doing journalism.

'''Bob:''' What?

'''Emily:''' ''Journalism.''

'''Bob:''' Journalism?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Ah! You wanna be a writer!

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''giggles''] I did a lot-

'''Bob:''' He has a… [[Cole Smithey|''half-brother'']] who's- who lives in New York City… and, uh, does ''freelance'' writing and show reviews and things… for newspapers and magazines.

'''Emily:''' Is it- does he love it?

'''Bob:''' I ''guess''.

'''Emily:''' [''giggles again'']

'''Bob:''' I haven't talked to him in years…

'''Emily:''' Yeah…

'''Chris:''' I can't this dang camera to work!

[pause]

'''Bob:''' Yeah– that's- I worked at, uh- I'm an engineer… and engineers [[Chris and English|never learn how to spell]].

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' I think very logically, but I-

'''Chris:''' Shoot! I got bad batteries in the [[Chris and camerawork|camera]].

'''Emily:''' [''disappointed''] Oh...

'''Bob:''' If I would- if I would ''write'' anything, half the words would be phonetically rather than the way we're… ''supposed'' to do.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' I got along fine… writing stuff… on my ''word'' processor… when I had a ''spell'' checker.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Without that, I'm [''unintelligible, but clearly self-deprecating''] [''laughs heartily'']

'''Emily:''' Did you like doing engineering?

'''Bob:''' Well... I- I had a real ''u-''nique situation…

[''pause'']

===Bob's work history (0:07:18–0:16:58)===

'''Bob:''' Look, uh… I'm- I'm really old.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Okay– to start with: I'm 81. And, uh, I came along ''before'' [[Wikipedia:Transistor|transistors]].

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Not- not all the solid-state stuff we have now, but even before ''transistors''… when we had [[Wikipedia:Vacuum tube|vacuum tubes]]. I, uh... got drafted after World War II. That's how old. But, uh... then, they put me in the Signal Corps, and they knew things I didn't know. They taught me how to install valve systems and switchboards and telephone poles. So, I found out: yeah– I'm pretty good at that. So, when I got out– 'course that was in [[Pre-1980#1947|1947]]– I found out- now, I know that we had a depression on our hands; I didn't know it then. You couldn't get a job, so, I thought "Well, I got the G.I. Bill. I'll go to school."

'''Emily:''' Yeah– now, it's really hard to become an engineer.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– now, ya- I, uh- I went to… a state teaching college to start with, 'cause I had the philosophy that if I went to a big school I'd be just… swallowed up.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, I went to a small school and took Pre-Engineering for two years, and that was the best thing ''I'' ever did, 'cause I wound up, uh- well, I got- I got through my two years of Pre-Engineering in small classes.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And also, I loved [[music]], and I was in [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|the band]] and everything. And I got in the symphony orchestra… and learned a lot about music while I was up there too. And then, I went to Auburn, and then [''unintelligible''] talk about getting swallowed up!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Then, at that time, Auburn- which now has what: 30,000 students, or something? Auburn had about 5,000 students. I got my Engineering degree. And then, when I got out, I said "Well, I'll, uh... I can do anything with relays and telephones and valve systems, and that sort of thing. I'm gonna work for {{w|Western Electric}}."

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' That seems logical, right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' [suddenly offended somehow] Hey!

'''Bob:''' Because they make, uh-

'''Chris:''' You- no– you listen to my father… because he's somethin'! Because I get some of my intelligence from ''him''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' [[Chris and reality|Especially my ''technological'' intelligence.]]

'''Bob:''' But anyway, I, uh- I went to work for them for forty years, and, uh... at that point in time… Uh, this is even ''before'' the Atlas missile… the ICBM.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' ''Before'' the Korean War… and, uh- but, I- I found out they were building ''radar'' systems. Well, that was fine, but also, they had lots of government money, so they wanted some automatic test equipment. At that time, ''nothing'' was automatic. They ''had'' none!

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, that's what ''I'' went and built, that kinda stuff, what I learned in the army, right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, I started working with the first automatic test equipment that we ever made. And then, [[Wikipedia:General Electric|GE]] heard about it… and they came down to, I was in Winston-Salem, in North Carolina. And- so, GE came down; they offered me a job… up in upstate New York. Cold country in Utica.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' And then, uh... I went down to build some automatic test equipment for the ICBM [''unintelligible''] [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Intercontinental Ballistic Missile]].

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Nobody knows how, 'cause we haven't done it before.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' We'd done some of this automatic test equipment down here. "Why don't you come up there?" "Well, okay!" So, I went up there for three years and helped develop the, uh, automatic… equipment… for testing the missiles, and… all the guidance systems, and things… in the [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' But- but I got- I was a soldier, true and tried, 'cause I was born in Texas and raised in Alabama.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And then, I was in North Carolina first. And then, I hit upstate New York, and I froze to death. [''chuckles'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah, that must be really different! [''laughs again'']

'''Bob:''' Well, after three years, I said "I'm going back to somethin' [''unintelligible'']" Well, GE- I didn't know it then, but I had a real, natural ''draw''… to the mountains.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And I knew about Roanoke, since I'd been in, uh, [''unintelligible''] So, I wanted to come back to Roanoke, and GE had a plant there.

'''Bob:''' And… their plant specialized in industrial automation. Except they didn't done any ''automation'' yet. They were just industrial-controlled.

'''Bob:''' So, I finagled a transfer back to Roanoke, and… I got there just at the time when they were startin'… to make… any kind of automation controls for engines.

'''Bob:''' So, I got into what they call "a new business area". And I got to do ''all'' the great things. All my- I- I really had it right. I was in the right places at the right time.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Because I am very ''[[Autism|logically]]-''inclined.

'''Emily:''' That doesn't really happen nowadays, with the economy…

'''Bob:''' Yeah– and I- I'm a logician.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Oddly enough, I never learned how a transistor even works… on records. But I ''use'' 'em all the time.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I use 'em. I'm retired now, a long time. But… when I started out with this group, and the first thing we got into was trying to automate a steel mill… for rolling [''unintelligible''] steel for your cars.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Well, we did that. And then, I got into… how to roll papers so you could get Kleenex.

'''Emily:''' [''giggles'']

'''Chris:''' And, of course, y'know, he's the guy that designed the controls for all the plastic water machines, so without him at this time, you couldn't have the plastic for your glasses.

'''Bob:''' And- and then- then, I got into- I was in the new business area where we could do the first one… and then, somebody else would take over and do the others.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And- and then, I got into managing a paper mill. But then, I got into the… industry of- of, uh, like phone lines, warehousing, automatic transition, like BART: [[Homos|Bay Area]] Rapid Transit.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Automatic railroads and all that kind of stuff. Automated a bunch of that. Then, I got into automating a bunch of mine [unintelligible] around the world.

'''Emily:''' You've been through a lot!

'''Bob:''' And then, I went to automating tanker ships, so you could run 'em from the bridge and have nobody downstairs.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Just someone else involved-

'''Chris:''' Want some water?

'''Emily:''' No, thank you.

'''Bob:''' And, uh... then, uh- then, um, I got into… I developed a system and I found out that there was very few people like me in the world that had this natural… inclination… for logic. You know, like [[Wikipedia:Logic gate|the ANDs, and ORs, and the what-ifs, and the what-if-nots]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And then, I developed a system… which is called [''inaudible''] that stands for- it's an acronym.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Hardware-oriented [[2000|Y2K]] pile of junk!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Similar fortune… was in… ''hardware''.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' Hey, everybody– I got [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you.

'''Bob:''' What this enables-

'''Chris:''' [''unintelligible, but clearly addressing Emily'']

'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] Thank you.

'''Bob:''' What this enables everybody to do- and me, too, but I was lazy…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Was to write down on- on paper– and design on paper from the start– a sequence of parallel lines.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And up to that point, nobody had a way of writin' it down on paper.

'''Emily:''' [''half-stifles a genuine laugh'']

'''Bob:''' And they ''still'' don't, really! [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' But that [unintelligible] to mind, horse and buggy.

'''Bob:''' Elevator-type system that's over a 5,000 ft. hole!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Then, I got into, uh, designing… ''scooter'' machines, which fused all the plastic around wires, and things like that…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Scooters. And then, I got into... die-cast machines… and the machines automating ''them''. They make things like carburetors, and [[My Coke Rewards|cans]], and whatever. And then, I got into ''plastics''… and even the ''plastics'' were [unintelligible] automating their machines. In the process, I ended up with about… ''two'' patents [unintelligible] in ''my'' name that ''they'' own. And all this… dumb stuff. And I saw the first 2-liter Coke bottle…

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Come off the line in New England.

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] on it, and all these [''unintelligible''] microvalves, and ''doors'', and- and, um... ''shutters'', and [[Kimmi|stuff like that made out of plastic]]. All this stuff we got plastic.

'''Chris:''' [''unintelligible''] in your frames!

'''Emily:''' Yep! [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' Including, uh, [[Sex toys|Tupperware]].

'''Emily:''' Can't… go without Tupperware…

'''Bob:''' So, then [''unintelligible''] ''finalized'' and- and perfected, basically, this [''unintelligible''] process…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Of design and documentation. [''unintelligible''] It came time for me to retire. And so, I did! [''chuckles'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' So, now, I'm ''un-''indated with all this stuff I did, and I don't know whether I did the world a good thing or not.

'''Emily:''' I think you did!

'''Bob:''' But I can't-

'''Emily:''' You did a lot of things.

'''Bob:''' I can't spell the word "[[cat]]" without a 'K' in it.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, well, y'know, [[Chris and his ego|I'm proud of him anyway]], for his accompliment- accom-''plish-''ments.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

[pause]

'''Bob:''' He's got a ''half-''brother who's a doctor.

'''Chris:''' ''His'' son.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh...'' okay.

'''Bob:''' And he's got a- and I have a daughter, who is his- his half-sister… that's a… [[Wikipedia:Phi Beta Kappa Society|Phi Beta Kappa]] outta UVA Atlantic.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh...'' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' She's workin' for the federal government, and she's got a Ph.D. now. She's working somewhere for the federal government. All these [[Autism|math people]]… I dunno.

===Retired life (0:16:59–0:24:22)===

'''Emily:''' I'm not very good at math. [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' I'm not that-

'''Emily:''' That's why-

'''Bob:''' I'm good at ''logic'', but not at math.

'''Chris:''' But ''I'm'' good at math!

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Bob:''' He's not good at math when it comes to managing [[money]].

[pause]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Hey– look! Hey– look it! I have… ''your'' plastic lid on it!

[''Chris chuckles and Emily laughs'']

'''Bob:''' We've been working with him, now, for 27 years.

'''Bob:''' It was a challenge. ''Most'' of the time, I've been retired, so I could stay home.

'''Emily:''' Yeah... usually, if you're not very good at math, you're really good at writing, which is why I'm going for journalism.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– well, I, um... I did- I do alright with writing as long as I got a spell checker.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' I just, uh- I- but I enjoyed my life. It- it, uh- it- I had… things; I had- I had opportunities that most people don’t get.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I got to see all this stuff now.

'''Emily:''' That’s good. I hope that, like, y'know, I can travel around the world and, y'know... write up- do some journalism, like, overseas.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I’ve been to [[PandaHalo|Australia]], and I’ve been to Korea, and I've been to [[Anne Boleyn|England]]. ''Most'' people [''unintelligible''] to see 'em, but [''unintelligible''] I've never seen, 'cause they work too good.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Well, it- it was interesting. [pause] I wish I could get- find out what ''Christian's'' really good- well, he’s pretty good in [[Art|drawing]]…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And writing.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– he- she should know; she- you’ve- you should know; you've seen a bunch of [[Chris and art|my artwork]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah! It’s really good! All my- all my friends like it, as well.

'''Bob:''' [[Chris and copyright|He’s ''creative'']]… but he’s, um... I- I guess you know he’s- [[autism|he's high-functioning autistic]]… and, um...

'''Chris''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' At six, he couldn’t even ''talk''… but he was… ''programming'' [unintelligible] on his computer: his [[Wikipedia:Commodore International|Commodore]] computer…

'''Chris:''' [[Wikipedia:Commodore 64|Commodore 64]].

'''Bob:''' [''laughs''] Which was his first little-

'''Emily:''' Oh! I don’t know very many- much about computers! [''giggles''] Sorry! [''giggles some more'']

'''Bob:''' You’ve probably got a laptop, with a word processor, don't ya?

'''Emily:''' [''reluctantly''] Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah– but you-

'''Bob:''' Now, we've- we- we’ve brought him a long way.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' It’s been interesting.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... well, that’s a little piece for you- that you can, uh, write about, if you want to.

'''Emily:''' Yeah! That- that would be interesting.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, you- anyway, you came all the way here from, uh, VCU? Or did you make a few stops along the way?

'''Emily:''' No– I came all the way from VCU. Um... like, a lot of my fr- uh, friends over at VCU? They're into the whole Sonichu thing, but there’s a lot more… uh, like, I guess "[[Sonichu Girls]]"…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Up in, uh, the University of West Virginia. And we… k- we kinda do, like, a newsletter-type thing every week.

'''Chris:''' Wow.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' But this is in one of my favorite spots in the country.

'''Chris:''' [''responding belatedly to Emily''] I commend you for that.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] little trees on West Avenue.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Have you heard of West Avenue?

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' You know where West Avenue is?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– a little bit; I don’t… really go in that area.

'''Bob:''' They're at the end of VCU, then?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] I don’t know that area very well.

'''Bob:''' It’s- it's a street of, uh, townhouses. And it's about three blocks long. And it’s got a second name called "Stork Alley".

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And every spring, they have a "Stork Alley Rally".

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? Oh…

'''Bob:''' At the same time, they have the Easter parade over on Monument Avenue.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’ve never seen it before, but my friends tell me about it. But I’m usually stuck in, y'know… college.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– but- but I was only in Richmond… um… 1975 through 1980. And then, I got married to ''his'' mother. And, um... ''he'' was born, and then, we got transferred over here; I worked for GE. And we lived in Chesterfield County… but I ''love'' West Avenue; that’s my favorite spot.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' I call it "Sesame Street".

'''Emily:''' Oh, that’s… [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Because they call it "Stork Alley", 'cause there’s so many kids.

'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah?

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' I- I- I love the Virginian area.

'''Bob:''' His ''mother''… was raised– but you wouldn’t believe it– she- she was raised in a [''unintelligible''] home. And one that's [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Right there on, um… I can’t think of the name of that street: the one that goes right in front of the [[Burger King]]… down at… VCU.

'''Emily:''' I don’t know what… streets really are-

'''Bob:''' Well, again- but that is a street that goes right in front of Burger King…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And right down the street from there is where… ''his'' mother lived for about twenty years and raised [[Cole Smithey|her first son]]. And he’s got a lot of ties to the family, too; he just doesn’t like me.

'''Emily:''' Oh... do you guys have a big family?

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' Well, uh, we’ve got- we've got ''my'' son, and my daughter. You- my son’s in [[Richmond]], and my daughter’s in Washington.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And then, we’ve got ''her'' son, who's in New York. And then, there’s the three of us.

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah– Schiflett's a really big family.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– we got… two- really, two separate families.

'''Emily:''' Mmm.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... but it’s not as big as [[Wikipedia:The Brady Bunch|The Brady Bunch]]!

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' No… it isn't.

'''Emily:''' No.

'''Bob:''' But we- we- we enjoy it, and I- I have- uh, I grow flowers. And... I don’t have to worry about… makin' a livin' anymore…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' With [[Monthly tugboat|Social Security]], and... the GE pension. And GE's good and sound… fortunately!

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' So, uh... I- I grow day lilies. I’ve gotten my yard full of [''unintelligible'']. And in the middle, I’ve got a, um... well, about fifteen-foot plastic greenhouse.

'''Emily:''' Oh?

'''Bob:''' Except… inside this greenhouse, it’s different.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Inside this greenhouse, there’s ''plastic'' flowers.

'''Emily:''' Oh– ''plastic'' flowers?

'''Bob:''' A ''swing''… and, uh, all my ''stereo'' stuff, and, uh...

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but he’s got ''real'' flowers in his garden.

'''Emily:''' Oh. Oh, okay.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– the day lilies are real, in the garden; but inside here, it’s all flat.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– day lilies bloom about once a year, during- dur- about ''once''-

'''Bob:''' In the summer.

'''Chris:''' This- this summer.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' There- there's also that-

'''Chris:''' And then, they stay that way for about a month or so. It’s a beautiful garden.

'''Emily:''' Oh, I can imagine!

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I’ve got about 15,000 healthy-

'''Chris:''' [''dreamily/creepily''] ''Imagine!''

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And I- I love all the music from- from Dixieland to Big Band to [unintelligible].

'''Chris:''' Raise me on music, he did!

'''Emily:''' [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' And- and musicals. And soundtracks.

'''Emily:''' Well, what’s ''your'' favorite artist?

'''Chris:''' Uh, my favorite artist? Well, he didn’t raise me on it, but, y'know, my favorite ss- uh... ''singer'' is [[Britney Spears]].

'''Emily:''' Britney Spears?

'''Bob:''' And, uh, he's got all- uh, mine are all back from the '40s, and '30s, and '20s, and-

'''Emily:''' And he’s into… more ''modern'' pop music?

'''Chris:''' Although… I guess if I had to pick a ''classic'' favorite, it would have to be ''[[Niggos|Satchmo']]'.

'''Emily:''' "Satchmo"?

'''Chris:''' [[Wikipedia:Louis Armstrong|Louis Armstrong]].

'''Bob:''' And- but I've got him all these big ''classics'' now-

'''Chris:''' [''does terrible Satchmo impression''] "Ten feet off the ground! Ba-doom-ba-bam-bow. [''Worst attempt at scatting ever'']"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''imitates trumpet melody'']

'''Emily:''' [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when it came out. All the European records were [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when they came out, 'cause they were ten, twelve dollars a piece, then, but now, you can get 'em at [[Chris and fashion|Goodwill and Salvation Army]]…

'''Emily:''' Well like-

'''Bob:''' A ''quarter'' to ''fifty'' cents apiece.

'''Emily:''' [''feigning enthusiastic agreement''] Yeah! [''laughs weakly'']

'''Bob:''' ''Thousands'' of them now!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And inside, uh, I found out that inside this, um… um… ''greenhouse''…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Bob:''' It's got a ''dome'' ceiling… which gives it the ca- ''cathedral'' kind of [unintelligible]

'''Bob:''' Well... I found this ''great'' stereo system at, uh- in the [[1970s]], at Goodwill… and put ''it'' out there… along with the swing.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And... if you turn the volume up, then that music just sounds like it’s the hall where they ''recorded'' it! Ah– it's great! Goin' out there and swingin' with my music for hours on end!

'''Emily:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily'']

'''Emily:''' That must be really relaxing!

'''Bob:''' Well, yeah– it's a nice life!

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely'']

===Bob's health problems (0:24:23–0:25:29)===

'''Bob:''' If I didn't have to worry about ''him'', I'd be in ''great'' shape!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs sympathetically'']

'''Bob:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' [''laughs nervously''] [unintelligible] But he's been- still been in… good shape all his [unintelligible, seems like gibberish] I mean, he's been in- he's been through, uh, ''three'' triple- ''two'' triple-bypasses?

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I was supposed to ''die'' in 1980.

'''Emily:''' Oh, no! What happened?

'''Bob:''' In fact, I ''did''.

'''Emily:''' What happened?

'''Bob:''' I [[Tobacky|smoked]] too much…

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Bob:''' And, um... I worked for GE.

'''Bob:''' I did [[Barbara|all this dumb stuff I shouldn't have]].

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Yeah- but yeah– he- but yes– uh...

'''Bob:''' And, um...

'''Chris:''' God let him survive!

'''Bob:''' I had a couple [[Heart level|heart attacks]], and...

'''Emily:''' [''responding to Chris''] Yeah– [[Chris|for]] [[Burger King|a]] [[Barbara|reason]]!

'''Chris:''' And he's got a [[Wikipedia:Artificial pacemaker|pacemaker]] now!

'''Bob:''' Yeah... I- I've been through- I lived through a [[Wikipedia:Triple bypass|triple-bypass]] in [[1980]] when they were brand new.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' And survived that… so, [[Chris and death|I've only died a couple times!]] And then, I got- I got through that. Then, ''he'' came along.

'''Chris:''' Hey! He come-

'''Bob:''' And then, I- I got retired…

'''Chris:''' Hey!

'''Emily:''' Hmm?

'''Chris:''' Yeah– hey– he's the one that's b- that has seen the light, but did not actually go ''to'' it…

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And, um...

'''Chris:''' A ''number'' of times.

'''Bob:''' I had ''another'' triple-bypass in [[1992|'92]]… And I died a couple times that [''unintelligible''] And that was at Chippenham, over in Chester County.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

===Memories of High School (0:25:30–0:26:12)===

'''Bob:''' And, uh... when I was over there with him, I- I put him to school through, uh, ''Chesterfield'' County's school system.

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Bob:''' Well, they're the best in the country…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Bob:''' For- for schools, ''I'' think.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Bob:''' And- and, um...

'''Chris:''' [[Manchester High]].

'''Emily:''' [''uninterested''] Oh, really?

'''Bob:''' Then, um...

'''Chris:''' That's my birthstone: [[Amnyfest Ring|amnyfest]].

'''Emily:''' And the ''side'' of it… What does it say: "Lancers"?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Is that- wait– is that your mascot?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Then…what's on the other side? "[[2000]]"?

'''Chris:''' Yes... that's my class and coat'a arms.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' [[Manchester High School]]. And look at the jewel! It's a galaxy cut on top, and a [[rainbow]] on the bottom. If you look at- in the ring-

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' Do you see-

'''Emily:''' I see it!

'''Chris:''' Do you see the rainbow?

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [[speech impediment|Well, anyway, like, y'know,]] I guess that's enough- y'know, that's enough talk from ''him''. Uh... you were gonna ask…

'''Emily:''' Aww...

'''Chris:''' ''Me'' something?

===The "Sonichu Girls" Club (0:26:13–0:29:01)===

'''Bob:''' Now, I wanna find out about these… ''Sonichu'' Girls!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Sonichu Girls?

'''Bob:''' 'Cause I didn't know about them.

'''Emily:''' Oh– didn't… Chris tell you about them?

'''Bob:''' No– he doesn't- no– he doesn't normally- he doesn't… ''tell'' me much about them, so... See– he's a- he- he and his mother [[Biological clock|stay up all night]]… and I stay up all day.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Uh... actually reminds me more- actually, we're more- sometimes, you stay up in the day; sometimes, you stay up in the night.

'''Emily:''' So, you've got, like, ''mixed''… like, sleep schedules, I guess?

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... my mom- and my- my mom picked up my bad biological- my messed-up [[biological clock]].

'''Bob:''' Yeah...

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Bob:''' She stays up all night! But anyway... I- I- yeah– I found out about 'em from… I guess, when you called on the phone…

'''Emily:''' Oh! [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And- and left a message.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– it's a pretty big fanbase. Um... there's actually about- about 30-some girls… at University of West Virginia who, like, are part of the fan club.

'''Bob:''' Hmm!

'''Emily:''' And then, there's- I mean, there's, uh, plenty of others, like, around the world, too, that- we talk to… um, on the forums that we have?

'''Bob:''' Uh-huh.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Do- you got one here in UVA?

'''Emily:''' I don't know… [''giggles''] I don't have very many friends at UVA.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] That's why I heard- that's why.

'''Bob:''' VCU's [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah. They're a lot more laid-back over there.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. Well, they're in the sand! How else could you be?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' 'Cause in the sand, you have to be laid-back.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' Y'know, I was curious about this- this club…

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' I- I didn't know he even knew about it! ''I'' didn't know about it. I think it's great!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Hey– I've been on the [[IRC|Internet chat]]! And plus, y'know...

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Y'know, certain-

'''Bob:''' Plus [[medallion|the ''medallion'']], Christian!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... um...

'''Bob:''' He's got this yellow medallion with Sonichu on it…

'''Emily:''' Yeah! Why- why aren't you wearing your… [''suddenly concerned''] m- medallion?

'''Chris:''' Um... I just believe I expressed that, uh... in a video on, uh, [[YouTube]]? But I- I, uh...

'''Emily:''' I might've missed that; I'm not sure.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– um... I'd rather not say in front of- I'd rather not say in front of ''Father''… but, uh...

'''Bob:''' There's a lot of things he doesn't tell me; he doesn't share things with me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh''... [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' [whispering] If I told him why, he'd have ''another'' heart attack…

'''Emily:''' Oh, no! [''laughs politely'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' Whatever.

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely again'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah... But I mean, y'know… think of it this way: at least you don't have another face that you have- you don't- it saves you one face to have to look at!

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– and look at 'em, y'know: they're ashually ''[[Heterochromia|green-blue]]''.

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I see it!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– pink eye in that eye, and then, uh, the prescribed eye drops changed the pigment!

'''Emily:''' Wow... I didn't know that… could happen! [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. ''Yeah''... looks like you kinda, like, uh, have green-brown eyes yourself?

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Emily:''' I thought they were just plain brown! [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– it's just that- y'know, it's- the angle of the light kinda gave it a little bit of a greenish tint…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] might be blue...

===Emily isn't hungry (0:29:02–0:29:58)===

'''Chris:''' Yeah... but ''anyway'', uh… you came all the way from VCU; uh... you hungry?

'''Emily:''' Oh– no, I'm not hungry. I ate on the way here, really.

'''Chris:''' Oh– you-

'''Emily:''' Stopped at, like, a rest stop. Got some vending m- [''laughs nervously''] vending machine snacks… and that's it.

'''Chris:''' ''Oh.'' That's good. That's good; uh... ''Father'' was thinkin' about, like- was gonna get us ''spaghetti'', and, uh... [''truly flustered''] we wanna sh- we wanna split it be- he was gonna split it between me, and, uh... I'm gonna split mine with you…

'''Emily:''' Oh, no… I'm not hungry. Thank you, though!

'''Chris:''' [weakly] Yeah.

'''Bob:''' We usually split a [[SpaghettiRoutine|spaghetti]], 'cause I- I can't eat it all!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... it's a really big bowl for him…

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Really… ''whoop!''

[''Emily laughs and Chris chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' It's not as big as I'd like… y'know... it's bigger!

'''Emily:''' No… [''giggles'']

'''Chris:''' Let's see… well, Dad– why don't you go get your spaghetti?

'''Bob:''' Do you want some?

'''Emily:''' No. I'm- I'm not hungry. Thank you, though…

'''Chris:''' Yeah... we could get you some ''water''.

'''Emily:''' No– I'm not thirsty, as well.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Okay– well, go ahead and get your sh- go ahead and get the spaghetti, Father.

'''Bob:''' Alright.

===Bob's health problems revisited (0:29:59–0:32:11)===

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I got one other thing I was gonna tell you about…

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' Since we've talked about it: on that, uh... I've died about five times now. The last time, I was at [[Golden Corral]]. The restaurant?

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Chris:''' And… my mom was there with him.

'''Bob:''' [''chuckles''] I just… hit the floor!

'''Emily:''' Oh, no!

'''Chris:''' No– not really; uh... he was- uh, he was pullin' out his credit c- not really "hit the floor", but… he was pullin' out his, uh, credit card?

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Chris:''' And he would've… hit a- he was standing in front of, like, the cash register, and there was a bar railing there; the bar rail was there. If he- if my mom wasn't there to catch him…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' His- like his guardian angel, he would'a hit the bar and would've been… worse…

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Would've been worse off!

'''Emily:''' Oh, wow...

'''Bob:''' But anyway, uh, now, I've got a pacemaker.

'''Emily:''' Wow. [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– and ''that's'' when he got his pacemaker.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' I guess that won't happen in, uh...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' But I- I think the real reason why I survived all those attacks… which I think I'm ''proud'' of…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Bob:''' I don't know about you.

'''Chris:''' ''He's'' proud of it.

'''Bob:''' ''I'm'' proud of it. I don't know whether ''he'' is or not.

'''Chris:''' I'm proud of him, for it!

'''Bob:''' But I'm, um- I found out a few years ago- about… 10 or 15 years ago…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Bob:''' That I was… at least one-fourth [[Cherokee]]!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– so, that makes me an eighth… Cherokee.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, I figured that- and then, I checked back all my father's… relatives [unintelligible] all the way up to be up in their 80s, and 90s, and even over ''100'' sometimes.

'''Emily:''' Dang! [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Well, I figured: well, that's why I keep bouncin' back from this.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' This ain't [[September 2011|my time]] yet.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– either that or, uh, God's lettin' him stick around for my… c- for ''my'' case.

'''Bob:''' Somebody's gotta look out for him!

'''Emily:''' Oh... [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' [''cackles'']

'''Chris:''' [''cackles almost identically'']

'''Bob:''' Somebody's gotta pay the bills!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously again'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah… okay, Dad, uh... you s- alright, Dad-

'''Bob:''' Now- now, I'm dismissed, so I can go eat.

'''Emily:''' Oh... [''laughs nervously yet again'']

'''Chris:''' Well… not really "dismissed", because… y'know, I'm [[Obesity|a little hungry myself]]… So… [''laughs nervously''] y'know, Dad, please go get the spaghetti and the bread.

'''Bob:''' You sure you don't want something?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I'm sure. Thank you for asking, though.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– y'know, I was concerned, myself.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Well, I'll let you two talk… mainly to save the table…

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah…

'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily''] Then, I'll come back, and… If you don't mind us eatin' in front of you!

'''Emily:''' I don't mind.

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' You better tell me more about this club you've got!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

[''Bob walks away'']

===Chris fails at flirting (0:32:12–0:36:48)===

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Yeah– y'know, you- uh... I must say you look ''good''.

'''Emily:''' Oh– thank you!

'''Chris:''' And, y'know, you are the first, uh, female Sonichu fan to have actually come a long distance to see me.

'''Emily:''' Oh– well, it's not that far! I’m sure, like, maybe some of the girls from VCU would come down sometime: like, maybe during s- uh... summer break.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but I mean, at least all the way from, uh, West Virginia.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' I mean, that’s farther than VCU, I'm sure.

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely''] We might take a road trip down here.

'''Chris:''' [in a sing-song voice] "Take a road trip! It's a little road trip!"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. [''does terrifying [[Donald Duck impersonation|Donald Duck impression]]''] "And this is my [[duck]] talk! This is, uh, Donald Duck!"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] [almost fearful] Is that the one that scared that child?

'''Chris:''' Uh... at the-

'''Emily:''' At [[Wendy's|Wendy’s]].

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Emily:''' I don’t know how that’s scary.

'''Chris:''' No– not- not- no– not- really scary; y'see, he was ''tired''…

'''Emily:''' ''Oh''... okay. So, you…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' But it makes a lot of children smile, ‘cause they’re familiar with that D- classic Disney character.

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... you mi- you don’t mind if I t- if I, uh, have my hand on your shoulder?

'''Emily:''' Uh, not for too long…

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] "Not for too long".

'''Emily:''' ''Okay''... not- not for too long…

'''Chris:''' Okay [''incredibly creepily'']...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. [''chuckles again''] This is like- wow– I finally… get, like, this… beautiful girl in front of me…

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] Thank you.

'''Chris:''' And she's like- and she actually got to know ''me''.

'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Just, like, y'know, uh... Yeah. So… what’s your- what's the reason you need ''your'' [[glasses]] for? I’m ''near-''sighted myself.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’m nearsighted, as well.

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' I don’t have very good eyes.

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] It's like, y'know, [[The Creepy Stare|we’re close, so it's like, y'know, we don’t need glasses to see each other]]…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Do we?

'''Emily:''' Hmm... no– it's still blurry…

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... Mmm. How do you look without that hat? I mean, I want- I'd like to see the, uh…

'''Emily:''' I- I like this hat. My hair doesn’t look good today.

'''Chris:''' Oh…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Your hair doesn’t look good today? Are you sure?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’m sure. [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' How’s my [[hair]] look?

'''Emily:''' It looks good!

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Looks good. [''chuckles''] Boy– I've had it sleepin' against ''pillows''… and I took a shower before I went- before I went to- um, crashing on the… couch.

'''Emily:''' [slightly disgusted] Oh...

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but I put on some, uh, bod- body s- some [[Axe|Axe body spray]] before I left. Do you like that smell?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– it depends on which one it is.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Uh, which one is it?

'''Chris:''' I believe it's, uh... it's called "Proximity".

'''Emily:''' Oh– I ''really'' like the choc- the new chocolate one.

'''Chris:''' Oh– the, uh, "[[Niggos|Dark Temptation]]"…

'''Emily:''' ''Yeah.''

'''Chris:''' Oh– I was running low on that can anyway.

'''Emily:''' Oh... okay.

'''Chris:''' It's like I- if I- if I- if we- if we was [[Third date|hookin' up]], I would've gotten more of that!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

[Note: Chris both stutters ''and'' laughs through "if we was hookin' up", so it's not at all clear that Emily realizes what she's laughing at.]

'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] But seriously, though: you ''are'' cute.

'''Emily:''' Oh– thank you.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. ''Mmm''... Yeah– I like- I like this- I like this- I like the get-up you’re wearing. It's like you're- you c- you straight- came straight from, uh... the, uh, ''[[Wikipedia:Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon|PGSM]]''… show.

'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah... [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' It's the live-action ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’ve seen some of the episodes for that.

'''Chris:''' I’ve got the entire series-

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Saved to my [[PlayStation 3]], including the, uh, wedding episode.

'''Emily:''' Oh– I don’t… think I’ve… seen that one… so…

'''Chris:''' It's, like, the very- it's, like, a very special ''last'' episode.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [''in a strange, baby-like voice''] You actually get to see ''[http://sailormoon.wikia.com/wiki/Usagi_Tsukino Usagi]''… [''back to his normal voice''] and, uh- aww, shoot– I forget his name, but, y'know...

'''Emily:''' Uh... Mamoru?

'''Chris:''' Yeah– Samoru. That’s it; ''you'' got it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' You ''got'' it!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' You got it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I used to be a really big fan of ''Sailor Moon''. Well, I still am; I’m just not as big of a fan as… nowadays.

'''Chris:''' Did you see [''unintelligible''] entire [[anime]] series?

'''Emily:''' Um, I haven’t seen the ''last'' season.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– [[Wikipedia:List of Sailor Moon Sailor Stars episodes|''Sailor Stars'']].

'''Emily:''' ''Yeah''... 'cause it didn’t come out in America, 'cause they’re, like, afraid of the [[Silvana Rosechu|transsexuals]]?

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] Yeah.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously'']

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah... Yeah– I kn- I know that. But I ''have'' that on, uh- I have that on ''[[DVD]]''-

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Uh, y'know, with J- Japanese audio and [[English]] subtitles.

'''Emily:''' How do you feel about that? Like, the [[Tomgirl pictures|transsexuals]] and… the [[Wikipedia:Sailor Starlights|Sailor Starlights]]?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Um...

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Does it, like, make you uncomfortable, or… would you-

'''Chris:''' No.

'''Emily:''' Would you have minded if, like, it came out, and the TV showed just, like, [[Pedofork|little kids]]?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Um... ''Yeah''... [''pitiful''] I don’t have much of an opinion…

[''Emily and Chris both laugh'']

'''Emily:''' It's kind of a… sketchy subject, there.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– it's, uh- it's… [''in a British accent''] ''itchy''…

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''pause, laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but you can sketch a lot in your, uh... journalism, don't ya?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. Well, I m- I mean, we don’t draw a lot; we just… We do, like, the little outlines, and then, we start writing.

'''Chris:''' Okay– well, I mean, you- I mean, you sketch your ''letters''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' I bet you sketch your signature pretty… don’t you?

'''Emily:''' No– I thinks it's, uh- it's just basically a buncha' scribbles.

[''Chris and Emily both laugh'']

'''Chris:''' Eh... a lot of people would say that about their signatures, I’m sure.

'''Emily:''' Well, I mean, some people just, like, put an 'X' for their signature, and that’s it.

'''Chris:''' ''Ah''... but not you. You put…

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' An 'E' and… an 'S', basically. [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Uh- uh, an S?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– Emily Schiflett.

'''Chris:''' Oh– ''that’s'' your last name!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' "Schiflett".

'''Emily:''' Yeah– my middle name’s [[Julie|Jul]][[Kacey|ia]].

'''Chris:''' ''"Julia"!''

'''Emily:''' ''Yeah.''

'''Chris:''' "Emily Julia Schiflett".

'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Flows nicely, doesn’t it?

'''Chris:''' It's beautiful!

'''Emily:''' Aww... thank you.

'''Chris:''' D- do you dot your I in "Julia" with a heart?

'''Emily:''' No... [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles'']

[''pause'']

===Eating spaghetti and conversing (0:36:49–0:44:46)===

[''Bob comes back'']

'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] Alright, Dad– uh, I'll let you, uh, divvy up the spaghetti onto my plate.

'''Bob:''' I get to divvy it up!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' Wow! Christian– I don't know… I tell you, my ''treat'' to finally come down here! I love their spaghetti!

'''Emily:''' ''Oh''... really? I don't think- I've only had their pizza there… before…

'''Bob:''' Yeah– the, um- all the spaghetti places in town are [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|too expensive]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' My favorite, though, is, um, Olive Garden.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh.''

'''Chris:''' Yeah– b- but-

'''Bob:''' But they don't have one here!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' But they should have one here.

'''Bob:''' ''I'' think they should.

'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah…

'''Chris:''' You ever been to an Olive Garden?

'''Emily:''' Mm-mmm.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Well, yeah– it's a good place to, uh, get, uh, spaghetti.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' I- I've actually- yeah– y'know, I was there with my father… when- the few times we visited, uh, Olive Garden.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– a good place to get, uh, spaghetti; really good. [pause] And also, we've been to the, uh, few, uh, nearly- to the ''other'' nearly [[Speech impediment|esstinct]], uh, restaurants: y'know, like [[wikipedia:Shoney's|Shoney's]] and WesterN SizzliN.

'''Emily:''' Oh– I haven't seen a Shoney's around in a ''while!''

'''Chris:''' There's one in Chesterfield Count- there's a bun—there's a few in the Richmond area…

'''Bob:''' And one over close to VCU!

'''Emily:''' Oh! Really? I didn't see it! [''laughs politely''] Of course, I'm- I'm usually not looking for them, so…

'''Chris:''' Yeah– we even ha- yeah– we even- at- at home, somewhere, we even have a t- we even have the- the [[Li'l Chris|teddy bear]]: the "Shoney Bear".

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' The Shoney Bear?

'''Chris:''' Yeah– it's- that was their mascot.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' And I mean, if you look it up- if you look up "Shon"- if you- I'm sure if you Googled "Shoney's", you'd, uh... find their mascot being the teddy-

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Being the bear.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [''in a somewhat cutesy voice''] "Bein' the bear in the shirt…"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' [unintelligible] "to… wan- to wan- to… gawk- to ''gander'' at!"

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' Christian– they got lots of juice!

[''Chris chuckles and Emily laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Well, ''you'' can have it…

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' I don't need to, uh, [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|''slobber'' all over myself]]… Especially in front of my, uh, "[[Gal-pal|lady friend]]", here.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] Aww...

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Bob:''' [[Duck|Do ya need a little bit more?]] [long pause] You can deal ''without''…

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– he doesn't usually eat the bread, so, uh, I'll take his- so, [[Obesity|I take his breadsticks]].

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' I'm gonna go get some more water.

'''Emily:''' Okay!

'''Chris:''' I'll be right back.

[''Chris walks away'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] share with him.

'''Emily:''' [laughs politely]

'''Bob:''' I share with my wife. [unintelligible] She had to stay home today.

'''Emily:''' Does she do anything for a living or is she retired as well?

'''Bob:''' She's retired. She used to be a secretary. She worked for uh, General Power.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' You know, our nice power company, whatever they're called now... Dominion?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And uh, she worked for, um,[[Wikipedia:Circuit City|Circuit City]] for a while before she retired.

'''Emily:''' Well good thing she's gone- she got out of Circuit City before they started going downhill.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, well they were going downhill [unintelligible] retired.

'''Emily:''' Oh really?

'''Bob:''' Yeah, [''unintelligible''] got retirement. She didn't retire 'til, a couple- three years ago. She's younger than I am... everybody is!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' But she's younger than I am, but uh [pause] [unintelligible] she uh worked [''Chris comes back''] She loves that band there, over there. I like the band there. She loves that. Grey Street. Grey Street. [''a Dave Matthews Band [[parody|tribute]]'']

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' Do you know where Grey Street is over there? Do you uh, Do you know where the Burger King is over there by BP is?

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] Yeah.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''unintelligible, Emily is laughing as he says it'']

'''Bob:''' The [[Burger King]] is on Price Street.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' I-I-I'm an engineer [''unintelligible''] uh, Main, uh, what you would call Main Street.

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' VCU is all back in [pause] all back in here like this,

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] and downtown Richmond is this way.

'''Chris:''' [says something about [[Pokémon]]]

'''Bob:''' He loooves Pokémon.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, we used to come down here for the Pokémon League or uh [''unintelligible''] Yeah, I remember that.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Well VCU is-is you is-is here. Well all around in here, they're everywhere, but fifth Avenue is over there.

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' And Grey Street is three blocks, all the way through there like this where the lower side of VCU is.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And they got all their little restaurants and their little stores and things like that and they're all along Grey Street.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And where his mother lived for about twenty years was right about here... On Grey Street.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Hey, by the way you know I have eaten with uh, chopsticks before.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' See there?

'''Emily:''' That may be kind of hard with a fork and a knife. [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Heh heh heh hey that's close enough.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [laughs]

'''Chris:''' I can't...

'''Bob:''' Yeah, well while we were over there in Richmond.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, are you a little bit [[Ching Chong|Chinese or Asian or Japanese]]?

'''Emily:''' Nuh-uh.

'''Bob:''' I think it's just from wearin' glasses.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I think it's just the glasses... And the dark hair. [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' My best friend over there was Reverend Chen of the Korean Church.

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Chris:''' And this is in Chesterfield County.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. And he was from [[Wikipedia:Seoul|Seoul]], Korea, and I was in Seoul for about a year. Went in about the time he was born.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' But he was my best friend over there, and I used to spend talking with and talking to. Because he was really interested in the world.

'''Emily:''' Mmhm.

'''Bob:''' And I'm really world oriented, and my favorite institution is the United Nations.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' I think they're the answer to everything we got in this world... but... [''delayed pause''] We went to the Korean church while we were over there in Chesterfield County when he was in school. I tell you, that's where picked up the chopsticks.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' [Starts talking but is cut off by Chris.]

'''Chris:''' They gave me, they gave me [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|my Bible]] that I used in my Sundays- days... when I graduated from [[High School]].

'''Emily:''' Is it part, like, in the other language? Or-

'''Bob''' and '''Chris:''' No.

'''Emily:''' Uh, only English, okay. I know there's some that have like two different languages in it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a [[Honor roll|King England- It's a King England Bible]].

'''Bob:''' And what they do in the Church, they-they [trails off quietly]

'''Chris:''' King's English, whatever it is.

'''Bob:''' [''still quiet, hard to hear''] ...Korean.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' It's all Korean language, except for a few of 'em. And then they had like, a wireless [''unintelligible''], those little earphones, where you could hear the translation.

'''Emily:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' It was kind of neat, I-I enjoyed it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, everybody was able to bring their own food and we'd get to sample it for uh-, and we'd get to have a nice lunch meal every Sunday there.

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] You like [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|spicy food]]?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I like- I like spicy.

'''Bob:''' What I was gonna say, uh, [[Wikipedia:Kimchi|kimchi]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. Go away, you know?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Too spicy for you?

'''Bob:''' Yeah, it's too spicy for me.

'''Chris:''' [''sounding it out''] Kim-chi, hm.

'''Bob:''' But, uh, like they told me if anything that's red, forget it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' Except your spaghetti sauce, right Dad?

'''Bob:''' They didn't have spaghetti sauce, no they watched that to me, they gave me that more bland stuff.

'''Emily:''' Oh. [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' I even-I-I-I even had my own special fork.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' If it was me I can handle spicy, seriously, I can even probably even handle the kid-the kid- the kimchi, what he said.

'''Bob:''' That's- that's-

'''Emily:''' I can't handle spicy food that well, it upsets my stomach.

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Bob:''' I like jalapeño a little bit

'''Emily:''' [chuckles]

'''Bob:''' -a little jalapeño. I love [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Hah, yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''something more about jalapeños, followed by silence''] Yeah, they told me anything that was red, don't pick it up.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

[''silence'']

===Bob on World News (0:44:47–0:51:00)===

'''Bob:''' Yeah, I miss Reverend Chen, he was- he was really interested in learning about the world.

'''Emily:''' Mhm.

'''Bob:''' And he didn't have much of a chance-[''hard to hear''] and we- we'd sit there and talk, at [[McDonald's]]-

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' every morning, for 2 to 3 hours, and just go through ''[[Wikipedia:The Washington Post|The Washington Post]]'', page by page, you know, just learning about the world

'''Emily:''' Good. I wish I could, like, pick up the newspaper and read more. I mean I pick up, like, our [[:File:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|school newspaper]] and that's about it, but I mean when it comes to world events I read some of the articles, but I mean some of them I just can't get into.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, it's a new thing on TV.

'''Emily:''' Mhm?

'''Bob:''' At least we have it here on Comcast... I don't know what you have though.

'''Emily:''' I'm not sure what-

'''Bob:''' Over there.

'''Emily:''' I'm not sure what-

'''Bob:''' But, it's a program on public television, it's really a station here, we have three different stations, [''unintelligible''] and one of them's called World News. [''says call sign''], World News.

'''Emily:''' I don't think we have that.

'''Bob:''' And, they uh-they have uh English translations of everything on it, but they have programs that originate all over the world. [unintelligible] So you see how [[Molvanîa|the rest of the world]] looks at [[United States of America|the U.S.]]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So you see what they're saying about us and what's going on over there. Half the time I find out things that are happening in the United States, that somebody in Germany or [[Molvanîa|Russia]] or [[China]] or in [[Anime|Japan]]-

'''Emily:''' [laughs] That's always nice.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, that's one of my my favorite stations, and they have it here. I-it's a public radio sponsored thing, but it's called World View.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' W.V.

'''Emily:''' I think my school has that, I'm not sure, I might have not never noticed or anything like that.

'''Bob:''' Well they might have it, because it's very educational.

'''Emily:''' I like watching Discovery Channel.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, I watch Discovery, and World Discovery Science, and World History, and-

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Yeah there's lots to see on TV. In fact, uh, I can give you a tip that you can pass along. Christian thought of it. He came up with it, believe it or not. He taught himself to read.

'''Emily:''' Really?

'''Bob:''' Oh he could really read, by turning on the closed captions on the TV.

'''Emily:''' Wow, that's-

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' That's go-that's clever!

'''Bob:''' I keep telling everybody I know including all these learning Ph.D.'s, and psychologists,

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And everybody, you know [''unintelligible''] you got a kid that's [[Autism|all wired up]], [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' Turn on the closed captions, [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] and they learn how to read!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Bob:'''But they won't listen to me, I'm just an 81 year old fogey!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' But he came up with-

'''Emily:''' But you know they'll come up with it and someone else will take the credit for it later on.

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] I don't think it really matters, but he came up with it

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

[Bob fades into background noise]

'''Bob:''' ...I thought it was such a phenomenally good idea. [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Well he-he's got a photographic memory.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' But I think those were the [[autism]] a little bit.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' And I got an audio memory too. [''apparently they were talking about him'']

'''Bob:''' Cause he can, you ever heard of, um ''Mario World''?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [chuckles]

'''Chris:''' [''chimes in to correct, [[Autism|sounds a bit upset]]''] He's talking about ''[[Wikipedia:Super Mario World|Super Mario World]]''.

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Well in three days, he-he [''unintelligible stuttering''] killed [[Wikipedia:Bowser|King Koopa]]. I can't get off of ''[[Wikipedia:Yoshi's Island|Yoshi's Island]]''.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] I'm not very good at those games either. [''more laughing'']

'''Bob:''' The reason he is, is cause he can remember all those different moves.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' It's like taking a picture, [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] I reckon I wanna know about that.

'''Chris:''' I'll tell you one thing, you've got pretty face. [''not a mistake'']

'''Emily:''' Aww, thank you.

'''Bob:''' She looks like [[Wikipedia:Marcie|Margie]], doesn't she?

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Bob:''' She looks like Margie.

'''Chris:''' What you mean the ''[[Peanuts]]'' character Margie?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' You know Margie?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs again'']

'''Chris:''' Uh...no. [''cuts off Bob with more laughter from Emily''] No, I'd say if anything she uh, wait a minute I'm trying to...I'm trying to figure it out. Um...

'''Bob:''' She doesn't look like Peppermint Patty.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah I'd say, uh, you compare when-when tied up there, you look more like, uh Rei from PGSM.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, [pause] she's one of my favorite characters.

'''Chris:''' You like [[Wikipedia:Sailor Mars|Sailor Mars]], [''lame voice''] Flame Sniper!

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Who's your favorite character?

'''Chris:''' Um, with the exception of uh Usagi and [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Chibi-Usa]]. I like, uh, Ami.

'''Emily:''' Any particular reason, like?

'''Chris:''' [chuckle] Well, I don't know it's just like you know

'''Emily:''' Cause she's smart?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' And uh also, I think it's, I think also it's the blue hair, I'm not sure.

'''Emily:''' Do you like blue?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, blue is my favorite color, what's your favorite color?

'''Emily:''' I like [[Pickle|green]].

'''Chris:''' You like green. I guess you like Jupiter.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, sort of. [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''apparently doing a horrendous impression of [[Wikipedia:Sailor Jupiter|Sailor Jupiter]]''] Jupi-tahhh!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [clears throat] [to Bob]You know, if you uhh, if uhh, you moved, uh, the car, you'd- you'd be all right by yourself at this point, right?

'''Bob:''' I been takin' care of myself for eighty-one years!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Aww.

'''Chris:''' I mean, it's like, uhh you know, if you, uhh, don't feel like sitting around any more, we can go, uhh, walk and talk.

'''Emily:''' I don't want to leave him by himself. I mean...

'''Chris:''' He's all right.

'''Emily:''' Will you be here at the mall very much longer, or...

'''Bob:''' I dunno.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Well, if he's here by the time we get back, he'll be here for that much longer.

'''Emily:''' OK...

'''Bob:''' I can stick around, but I'm slow.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, he's slow.

'''Bob:''' I like to eat slow, [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|I don't gobble my food]] [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

===The Bear Band (0:51:01–0:55:23)===

'''Bob:''' -enjoy it, savor it-

'''Chris:''' You know I taste my food and savor it as well. At least my first bite.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs''] [''unintelligible''] Even faster than you!

'''Bob:''' After that it's [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah but by the way, you know it's on one of my shirts. It's on [[Chris and fashion|my favorite]] shirt, you know, the one I draw myself in often.

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I felt it was appropriate for uh, being my first female [[Sonichu]] fan...

'''Emily:''' [''interrupts with a laugh''] Thank you.

'''Chris:''' ... have come a long distance.

'''Emily:''' Thank you. Anyway, where do you want to walk off to?

'''Chris:''' Uh, you know, uh, anywhere in the mall.

'''Bob:''' All those exciting things around the mall.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, doesn't look... [[Duck|it's not very big]]. [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' You're right.

'''Chris:''' Yeah I have. I wish it was two story, like Regency Square.

'''Emily:''' Where's that?

'''Chris:''' It's in Chest'field County.

'''Bob:''' No, it's not in [''???'']...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs over Bob'']

'''Bob:''' ...County. It's close [''inaudible''] It's across the river.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

{{anchor|Christopher}}
'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] ...That's that big shopping center over in north, north-west side of Richmond.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. I've never heard of it.

[[File:BearsteinbyChris.jpg|right|thumb|Regency Square Bear Band]]

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and it has a Bear Band there... that's uh, where I got...that's where I learned about "Christian" and got my name changed from "Christopher" to "Christian."

'''Bob:''' How come none of your fans know about it?

'''Chris:''' For one I didn't share it arou- didn't talk about it very much.

'''Bob:''' When he was born... I was too chicken to name him "Christian."

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Wow.

'''Bob:''' I was too... so I named him "Christopher."

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' But I really wanted to name him "Christian."

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And so, when he was... what? Seven or eight years old...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' ...we were over at Regency Square...

'''Chris:''' Yeah I think his photo...

'''Bob:''' ...at [[Christmas]] time. And they had this automated Bear Band.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Like... they had bear characters that were playing instruments, and one of them was conducting and singing.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And...but underneath there was this old man fella talking, and he had a camera, so he could see who he was talking to. And he [''inaudible''] talking to the Bear.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] was British...had a British accent anyway. But he was talking to Christopher. And he asked Chris-he asked uh, Chris his name. He said "Christopher," but he misunderstood.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And he thought he said Christian.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' So he started calling him Christian.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Over there... at the mall.

'''Emily:''' Mm.

'''Bob:''' Guess he liked that, and uh, so later we got- later we got... later we did all the paperwork.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Made it official, changed it from-from "Christopher" to "Christian."

'''Emily:''' Well at least he got the name that you wanted to give him.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, yeah I know. But...and then Christian came along with later and confided in me like he does sometimes...

'''Emily:''' [awkward laugh]

'''Bob:''' ...sometimes, that he had so much- too many [[stress|problems]] here in [[Greene County]], north of here where we live.

[loud cough, probably Chris]

'''Bob:''' It's a little small county 'n rural. Got... maybe 10,000 people in there.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' It's about ten... yeah, about ten miles up the road.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And, uh... he had so much trouble over the school system there. They tried to put him in an institution for years. For years I fought 'em in court.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And I kept winning and winning and winning, but finally I took him to Richmond to go to school...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' ...to get him away from...them.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And I spent seven years over there with him in a townhouse while his mother was working over here.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' But, um...anyway, he confided in me one day after we changed his name.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' He was all, "I really wanted to change my name to uh, to be a Christian as a new life in Chesterfield County...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' We left Christopher over there with those people in Greene County.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but then here's the [unintelligible] I thought...I real-I realized, uh, later after we came back to our [[Ruckersville]] home here.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' Uh...yeah, um...after we came back I started hearing Christopher, like you know, Christopher Thorndyke from ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic X|Sonic X]]'', at least.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' It's like... it's like- like you know...at the same time it's like th-those...it's like the past spirit of Christopher saying [''high-pitched voice''] "You should change your name!"

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Anyway, we're still... we're still back in the same house, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] programmed... I had an interesting life...

'''Emily:''' I don't know.

===Chris's card game history (0:55:24–0:59:24)===

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] Now I can play around... [''Chris talks over him'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Well actually, uh, also you know, [''inaudible; possibly 'brace yourself for the history of how it originally started'.''] [coughs] In Chesterfield County in 1998.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' In the February [[1998|'98]] issue of ''[[Nintendo Power]]'', uh... they had the p- the had the uh, they had the Char- they had the Charmeleon Pokémon card from the first base set.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Two months...yeah, like a month or two after that, over by the [[Books-A-Million]] I signed up for the Pok... I uh, with...uh...within that time I uh learned to play the game after I picked up some cards from the deck. Then I went to the Poké- I started going to the Pokémon league over there, at the Books-a-Million.

'''Bob or possibly a bystander:''' Oh my god.

'''Chris:''' Then we moved back to Ruckersville, uh, been around, uh, went to Pokemon League over at, uh, [[Toys|Toys "R" Us]], then uh [''inaudible, sounds like "The End".'], and uh, finally over at [[The Game Place|The, uh, Game Place]].

'''Bob:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' But then they [[Banned|kicked me out]], uh, last... June of last year.

'''Emily:''' Was that at the Toys "R" Us or, uh, the End...?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, they don't...they don't do that anymore [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' You could always, like, go back to those places, I mean, maybe they've...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' ...got other [[card games]] that you can play.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well [clears throat] I think why- also why one of the reasons why I decided to go back to playing ''[[Eye of Judgment]]''.

'''Emily:''' Mm.

'''Chris:''' I'm going to the online tournament that's like starting today.

'''Emily:''' Are you gonna...are you joining? Or...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it's basically all I have to do is go online and play against...

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' ...oh... uh... against opponents like around the world.

'''Emily:''' Oh. Nothing hard. [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' You play him, you'll probably win.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, if I get... if I get within the top 100 I win the free promo cards they're off- offering.

'''Emily:''' Uh, what do you... what do you get if you win like first place, do you know?

'''Chris:''' A title.

'''Emily:''' A title? [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yep. A title. If I don't go-

'''Emily:''' Why don't-no money or anything like that?

'''Chris:''' No, but...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' ...you know, at least I get the free promo cards.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' And I'd-I'd just as soon get the cards than the title, but if I get the title, then that's just plain dumb luck right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Like [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes|that one time]] you won what, $500 worth of stuff?

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, I-

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, uh, four hunnerdollar gamecar- [[GameStop]] gift card from that ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' gift card.

'''Emily:''' Oh yeah! I voted for you.

'''Chris:''' Thank you.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] You're welcome.

'''Bob:''' But he won.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean I shared it with my church's congre-my church congregation.

'''Emily:''' Well what did you spend your portion... did you spend some of it on yourself?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, I spent it on myself. I got some [[Wii]] games for myself, ''Country Music'' and ''[[RuleCWC|Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess]]''.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, you were popular at the church.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' You gave...you gave about 10 or 15 games away, right?

'''Chris:''' Uh, no, it wasn't-it wasn't like 10 or 15, I'd say it's more like, uh, five or eight.

'''Emily:''' Five or eight.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but you know the top three, you know, the uh... three of the children over there, they uh, they requested from me, they appre-they appreciated it so much they gave me... made this little tree for me and little ah-ah-ah branches...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' And put like the... they put like fun little ornaments, like you know, like you know twist-tie- you know, twist-ties...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' ...and the uh... shoot, what is it?... pipe cleaner.

'''Emily:''' Mm. Oh.

'''Chris:''' [''unintelligible''] pipe cleaner, paper butterflies, pa-paper hearts and pa- uh, used paper clips...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' ...and wrote their names on the... on the card there. It was... a nice little gesture.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' For, you know, appreciation and the fact that I was shar-

'''Emily:''' Yeah, that was very nice for you to do that and for them to thank you like that.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' How about sending me a copy of your publication... of your [[Sonichu Girls]]?

'''Emily:''' What was that again?

'''Bob:''' About sending me a copy.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' I might join. I guess I'd have to change my...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' -[[Tomgirl|gender]], wouldn't I?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' How would you feel about your dad being a Sonichu Girl?

'''Chris:''' Now...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' He could be a... he could be an honorary Sonichu Guy.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' How about that?

'''Emily:''' Yeah, that'll work.

'''Bob:''' You gotta tell me what's going on.

'''Emily:''' You don't know what's going on.

'''Chris:''' [''laughs'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' It's basically girl chatter amongst the four of us, right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

===Girls (0:59:26–1:05:21)===

'''Chris:''' I-I like to see the girls talk. I listened to girls talk a lot back in high school because I have my wide circle of [[gal-pal]]s...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' ...between my high-school years and also my elementary-school years. And also I didn't live my young life. In my neighborhood I was pretty much the only guy in the neighborhood.

'''Emily:''' [laughs] Well then, lucky for you.

'''Chris:''' [''laughs'']

'''Emily:''' [[JERKS|All the other guys]] are jealous.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [''pause''] Yeah.

'''Bob:''' My favorite girl, I guess, on the TV – aside from your mother, who's not on TV – my favorite girl.

'''Chris:''' [[Wikipedia:Shirley Temple|Shirley Temple]]?

'''Bob:''' No, that was back when I was a kid [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but [[Pedofork|you do like Shirley Temple a lot]].

'''Bob:''' And uh, uh this is one that's on uh... MSNBC if you watch that. On the NBC Money channel.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Name is [[Wikipedia:Erin Burnett|Erin Burnett]]. She is a smart girl. She hosts a lot of it. She's been...already been to Russia and Asia already. She must be...no more than 25? She is very smart. She impresses me, she's a really smart girl. Not a brunette, [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' I don't know about [''inaudible'']. [[Kacey|Flakey blondes]].

'''Emily:''' Do you like blondes?

'''Chris:''' I like blondes. But, you know, it's so... [[Women's rights|that's so stereotypical]]...

'''Bob:''' Yes.

'''Chris:''' ...to call 'em flakey cause they're not all flakey.

'''Bob:''' No, they're not. No way.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Like you know Pamela Anderson is very smart.

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [laughs]

'''Chris:''' ...just to name one at least. She wrote the book, ''Star''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [[Wikipedia:Paris Hilton|Paris Hilton]] also wrote a book, too.

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' Have you ever read that?

'''Chris:''' No I no-I haven't even heard of it.

'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah. She wrote her own book.

'''Chris:''' That's cool. [''pause''] I think Britney Spears wrote a book too, didn't she?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [[Britney Spears]] is really smart. Even though people like, diss her blah blah blah saying, but she's pretty intelligent.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. So anyway, there you go. Three blondes, right there, that are sexified [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Hmm... I guess that's why he would be uh, he would-it's one reason he was attracted to my mom, is she reminds him of Marcie, you know?

'''Bob:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' I guess she kind of turned him off being Marcie-ish,

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' being a Marcie type yourself. I mean...

'''Bob:''' She looked like [[Wikipedia:Elizabeth Taylor|Liz Taylor]] then.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Everybody thought she was Liz Taylor.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. By the way, uh Emily, how old did you say you were again?

'''Emily:''' I'm nineteen.

'''Chris:''' Nineteen.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' OK.

'''Emily:''' I started hi- I started college.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you started college as a journalist.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. Something I'd like- I don't want to really, you know, go for a degree where, you know, I won't be happy with it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [''pause'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] No, you keep writing...

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Then you look at it, and put it down for a day or two.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Then you decide [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' There's a... in my creative writing class what we do sometimes is that we write one line each day for a story, and just, every day we just write a different line, and eventually like after maybe a month or two, you know, it's supposed to be a story.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] But then, you pick it up and lay it down, you pick it up and look at it again...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' ...and each time you little minute corrections.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Mild corrections. But that's the way to do it. And if you don't try, you don't-you don't gain nothing [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' You gotta keep trying. You know, you don't give up... who knows, some [[Christopher's name change#Leonard Bearstein|crazy bear]] might come along and call you "Christian."

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''laughs''] What?

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] silly bear might come along and call you "Christian," right?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [''pause''] No, I don't think so. I don't think a-I don't think a British bear could confuse "Emily"...

'''Emily:''' Yeah. I don't-there's no other name that really sounds like Emily.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] there was a writer named [[Wikipedia:Emily Dickinson|Emily]].

'''Chris:''' [[Virgin with rage|Emily Dickinson]]?

'''Bob:''' Yeah, Emily Dickinson.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I couldn't even remember...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|I just slipped]]- [[Semen|it just came up]]. That was the only Emily I could think of who was a writer at the time.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' There's probably a lot of Emilys I'm sure.

'''Bob:''' His mother keeps tellin' me- [''Chris talks over him'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' His mother keeps tellin' me I got more dibs though [''unintelligible''].

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Emily Julia Schifflet.

'''Emily:''' Yep.

'''Chris:''' That's her full name, Dad.

'''Bob:''' Is it Schifflet?

'''Chris''' and '''Emily''' simultaneously: Yep.

'''Bob:''' Well now I want you to know something. If you were in Greene County, they'd welcome you with open arms.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Because Schifflet... and what's the other name up there? Uh, two- two names basically in Greene County. One of 'em's Schifflet, and... Marks, is the other one

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And it was Marks, or Schifflet your native tongue.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Betcha got lotsa relatives up there and don't even know it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I have a lot of, um, a lot of family, but I don't know most of them. I stick with my parents and maybe a few aunts.

'''Bob:''' Where do they live?

'''Emily:''' What was that again?

'''Bob:''' Well, where do your parents live?

'''Emily:''' Oh, they live up in West Virginia too. They moved up there as well.

'''Bob:''' They moved up there.

'''Emily:''' Mhm.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] wild wonderful weather.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, they don't have...they-they wanna let me go on my own, really. [''pause''] [''Chris talks over her'']

'''Chris:''' You took a big step.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I don't trust them, either.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] we've been to a lot of parks. I keep telling him now that he's young and I'm old, and why don't he take me to [[McIntire Park|the park]]?

'''Emily:''' Oh!

'''Bob:''' He-he won't do it.

'''Emily:''' [''clears throat'']

'''Chris:''' Listen to him.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I think it ought to be ['inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' [''high-pitched''] Do you agree with that?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' I spent twenty-seven years of my life with you, why can't you spend twenty-seven years of your life with me?

===Basketball and a fateful trip (1:05:23–1:14:22)===

'''Chris:''' Because, [unintelligible]

'''Bob:''' I'm not gonna live that long, I know.

'''Emily:''' [awkward laugh]

'''Bob:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' I spend time with you, Dad. Like I spend time with you now when you [''inaudible''] wanted to meet Emily. Before uh, you know, when you leave, uh, leave-leave us alone and let us do our talking.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] go home and watch some [[Bionic|basketball]].

'''Emily:''' That's something to do right there.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. And I'll see what's goin' on...[''inaudible''] the [[Wikipedia:National Collegiate Athletic Association|NCAA]].

'''Emily:''' I don't watch a lot of sports, really.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] You don't watch that either?

'''Emily:''' I don't really watch sports. I mean, I sometimes will with some of my friends, but I can't really get into it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and I was actually a manager-slash-waterboy in my freshman year of Man-at [[Manchester High School]]'s varsity basketball team.

'''Emily:''' Were you good at it? Did you say you were- you played basketball?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, a little bit.

'''Emily:''' Are you good?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm fair.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' But, you know I was...I-pl-...y-you know my freshman year I manager and waterboy for the varsity basketball team.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

[''P.A. system faintly in background'']

'''Bob:''' Good, cause I think I'm gonna go home.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Alright, dad, well you have a safe trip.

'''Bob:''' You can do whatever you want, I guess.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Bob:''' Whatever time Emily wants to spend with you.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I can't stay too much longer. I have to get going back to co-

'''Bob:''' Headin' back to West Virginia tonight?

'''Emily:''' Yep.

'''Bob:''' You are, huh? What is the drive... four-hour, five-hour drive?

'''Emily:''' About five-hour drive.

'''Bob:''' I'm a little too old for that.

'''Emily:''' [''short laugh'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, especially since I was young [''unintelligible''] the eight-hour round trip total drive.

{{anchor|Cleveland}}
'''Bob:''' He-he drove to Cleveland and back on the same day.

'''Emily:''' I...vaguely heard about that. What-what happened?

'''Bob:''' He got stupid and drove up there to try to meet [[Julie|somebody]] and they weren't there. He took off and we didn't even know about it.

'''Chris:''' No, I left them a note.

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Bob:''' But, uh, he got up there and got back, same day. I can't imagine driving... I can't even fly to Cleveland and fly back in the same day.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Di-did you have a good drive at least? Was it...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' ...relaxing a little bit?

'''Chris:''' Yeah [''inaudible'']

'''Bob:''' Well, if you went-he went up from here over to pick up the Interstate 81, and he went up and picked up the Pennsylvania Turnpike...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' ...and he went up and picked up the Ohio Turnpike... and locked himself out of his car.

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Emily:''' How did you lock yourself out of your car?

'''Chris:''' I [''inaudible''] my keys in there at the t-toll booth.

'''Emily:''' Oh? How did you get them out? You had to call like the locksmith or something?

'''Chris:''' Uh, fortunately, uh, one of the uh, people at-people over at that toll booth had [[Wikipedia:American Automobile Association|AAA]].

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK. So they were able to help you out.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] mother [''inaudible''] cross the street [''inaudible''] here he is at the Ohio state line.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' W-we didn't sleep very well that day.

'''Emily:''' I can imagine.

'''Bob:''' Finally he got home, about three o'clock in the morning, and he left at, what...

'''Chris:''' Five-thirty.

'''Bob:''' Six o-Six o'clock in the morning?

'''Chris:''' Five-thirty.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] find anybody till we came back.

'''Chris:''' Well, at least I didn't get killed.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. I think I [''inaudible'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] We were worried about that.

'''Emily:''' Hm-

'''Chris:''' I had money for gas and food.

'''Bob:''' He's never driven over fifty miles out of town before.

'''Chris:''' Well that was an adventure for me.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Bet that was an experience.

'''Chris:''' Yep. But I had my [[PSP]] with me to play uh, music on the trip. I had a novel with uh, long driving. Recently [''unintelligible''] paradise.

'''Bob:''' Fortunately, he was checking in with us on his cell phone, every once in a while so we could [''inaudible''] [[money]]...

'''Emily:''' Oh, so you knew he was going to O-Ohio.

'''Bob:''' He left us a note.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' ...detailed note.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' With maps and everything.

'''Chris:''' A copy of the map...

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' ...I got from Mapquest.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] he left-you'll never believe it, when he left home he had about ten dollars in his pocket.

'''Chris:''' No, I had-I had forty.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' I had forty dollars. I had forty dollars plus ten dollars in my pocket. Forty dollars came from my birthday money.

'''Bob:''' That wouldn't even-that wouldn't even take care of the toll [''inaudible''] turnpike.

'''Chris:''' I didn't expect that toll to be eleven dollars.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Really? Eleven dollars for a toll booth?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Th-th-they give you a card at one checkpoint, then when you get to the next checkpoint, depending on the distance-depending on uh, how far it was from that checkpoint...

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Chris:''' ...from one tollbooth to the next.

'''Bob:''' Wherever you get off, then you gotta pay.

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Bob:''' You'd never been-never been on a toll road before.

'''Chris:''' Yeah that was a new ex-that was something new for me to learn.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' [''unintelligible''] for a toll booth with about a dollar. [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Well you can get on and fill it out, and drive all the way to the Ohio line.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Pittsburgh. I guess they charge you twenty, twenty-five dollars for that.

'''Emily:''' Dang.

'''Bob:''' But he got on in the middle, in a place called [[Wikipedia:Breezewood, Pennsylvania|Breezewood]].

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' You've probably heard of Breezewood. It's up there... just-just northeast of uh, West Virginia.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' And, uh, yeah and you go to Breezewood and hang a left. I thought he-I thought he was up here in the valley.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' Couple hundred miles away and then he was at the Ohio state line.

'''Emily:''' [''short laugh'']

'''Bob:''' That was some day for us. We were a little worried. Then he-then he started back. We were led to believe that he was about three hundred -about two hundred miles away.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Turns out he was just outside of Ohio, Cleveland, when he called.

'''Emily:''' At least you were able to get back safely.

'''Chris:''' Yep.

'''Bob:''' I don't know how he did it. Three o'clock in the morning, I'd have been numb. I wouldn't have been able to.

'''Chris:''' [''laughs'']

'''Emily:''' [''inaudible''] at night.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well I got bet-I got [[Pedo-Glasses|better eyesight]] than he does.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] mine keeps going downhill, little bit at a time.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Thing called old age and [[David Alan Chandler|glaucoma]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, plus consi-plus considering [[video games]]... training, a lot of video game time I've logged in over my lifetime.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' And uh, see going through the many types of, like, games, playing [[ModNation Racers|racing]], and RPG...

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' ...and all, and the [[Sonichu Adventure|adventures]] and all that...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' But it's like, it's only helpful when you have the directions from Mapquest, and uh, you can uh, find a world map of the uh, east-of the we-of the eastern coast of the United States.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' Which is really Virginia. And uh, Ohio in the road I was- the route I was taking, it was directed from that.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Which I highlighted with a blue marker.

'''Bob:''' I have to admit, I did something just about as dumb when I was a kid.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Oh, you did something dumb?

'''Bob:''' Yeah I did. Well, I'd already been to Korea and back. When I was in Korea, like I said, before the Korean War.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And I'd always spent my time with the army, well I was in school.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And I had a friend that was in Auburn, down in Alabama, way down there, you know.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And um, I had a friend [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' ...in the Army. So, [[Christmas]] break, Christmas time, right. I didn't have anywhere to go. I decided to hitchhike.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Yeah. While I was in the Army, I spent nine months in New York anyway.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] Fort [''???''] [''inaudible''] and I'd gone up to New York City every weekend. But, for about nine months, well I knew the place like the back of my hand.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' No wonder I was risky enough to take a- I was adventurous enough to take such a trip.

'''Bob:''' Uh-

'''Chris:''' I'd been hanging around in hi- inside him while he was taking that trip!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Yeah, so dumb me, I thought I could hitchhike to-to [[Clyde Cash|New Jersey]]...now this was like the middle of December.

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Warm in Alabama but not in New Jersey.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' I got there, and then I had to stay a couple weeks-

'''Chris:''' [''interrupting''] And by the way you know

'''Bob:''' -then I ran out of money-

'''Chris:''' You know that-

'''Bob:''' -and then I had to try to-

'''Chris:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Bob:''' -find-to fi-to get back to my way home.

'''Chris:''' Just to let you know, uh, went up to Cleveland, [inaudible] kind of like, uh, run down. I thought, Jersey probably looks better.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' By comparison.

'''Bob:''' I've done [[Barbara|dumb things]] too.

'''Chris:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' There you go.

'''Chris:''' He went to a bad town...he went to a bad slummy [[Honor roll|town called Jersey,]] I went to a bad slummy town called Cleveland.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Well I've been to Cleveland too, I know Cleveland well.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' I me-I me-I mean he took the stupid long trip to Jersey, I took the stupid long trip to see Cleveland.

'''Bob:''' And I was hitchhiking and you were in the car. It was different. It used to be safe to walk.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And you can't even hitchhike places today.

'''Emily:''' Nowadays you can't do that.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] down the road.

'''Emily:''' Yeah [''unintelligible''] [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Well, I'll see you later. You have a good trip.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Emily:''' Alright.

'''Bob:''' Don't go to sleep. If you get sleepy, pull over.

'''Emily:''' OK, don't worry, I will.

===A walk to remember (1:14:23–1:21:43)===

[''Chris and Emily awkwardly leave Bob who continues to ramble as they clomp off through the mall.'']

'''Bob:''' Take care.

'''Chris:''' Alright come on, Emily, let's, let's walk…

[''Bob babbles on about sending something.'']

'''Emily:''' Okay... okay, you can show me around the mall…

'''Chris:''' Okay! Here's our… heights… You… you come to just about my uh, eyeline.

'''Emily:''' [nervous tittering]

[''They walk quietly for a moment as Chris mutters something quietly.'']

'''Chris:''' [sigh] So where you li… where do you usually like to go shopping at when you're at a shopping center?

'''Emily:''' [''impatiently''] [[Rosechu|Clothes stores]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, they have a number of clothing stores in, uh...

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' …a J.C. Penney and a Sears, among other places that uh, more name brands…

'''Emily:''' Yeah a lot of the stores here are, if you take a look, take a look at the prices and they're pretty expensive.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... Yeah... but, you know, they used to ha- they used to have a KB [[Toys]] here and I- that's where I did my- ten thous- dol... [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes |my thousand dollar shopping spree]] I won, uh... back in, uh... the... Sonic, the Adventures- around the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog?

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' That sweepstakes, you might have remembered me talking about that…

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' …you might remember that, uh, news clip…

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [[DVD|I've seen-I've seen it.]]

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

[''Chris nervously takes a few steps.'']

'''Chris:''' Wow.

'''Emily:''' What?

'''Chris:''' You're like… I'm sorry.

'''Emily:''' [''nervous laughter'']

'''Chris:''' I'm just kinda fascinated like… you're just pleasant- it's like… a character from ''PGSM'' or somebody else came all the way from Japan- just leapt out of my television!

'''Emily:''' [nervous laughter] No I'm definitely all American.

'''Chris:''' You're all American.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I'm an all American.

'''Chris:''' Okay- so it's just- it's just your eyes that are deshe- [[Chris and English|decepting]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [shameless subject change] So what's your favorite store here?

'''Chris:''' Yeah it's, it's- currently, since they took away the toy store- uh- either- I think it's- I would say it's mostly GameStop, but I also go to the bookstore or Sears, or even the Spencer's that's down on the other side of the mall. And they used to have an FYE here, which was a Suncoast before- before- they all merged and became an FYE, but then they closed that to make the next [''unintelligible''] business here.

'''Emily:''' What's down the other way… cause I've been… I came down this way, but I haven't been down that way.

'''Chris:''' Okay, we'll go down that way! Alright. I hope- Hope you don't mind me sticking around your left side…

'''Emily:''' [''bravely''] Oh that's [laughs] Okay, that's fine!

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] [[Megan|I mean, I guess I should keep my hands to myself and behave, right?]]

'''Emily:''' Yeah, you should probably do that.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I'm just trying to be friendly.

'''Emily:''' [''nervous laughter'']

'''Chris:''' [[Megan|But, you know, not- but you know I'm respectful- touch you gently on the shoulder or the back-]]

'''Emily:''' [''vomitously''] Yeah…

'''Chris:''' I mean at least I'm not that guy from ''[[Anime|InuYasha]]'' that… [''chucklingly''] always tries to [[Homos|go for the bum]].

'''Emily:''' [''vomitously''] Yeah…

'''Chris:''' Heh-heh, that's funny. Always get slapped in the face, he does.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' I forget his name, I think it's Mamoru, or something like that.

'''Emily:''' Uh... it's [[Wikipedia:List of InuYasha characters#Miroku|Miroku]].

'''Chris:''' [talking over her] Do you watch ''InuYasha''? Yeah, Miroku, that was it, you hi- you actually hit it on the head right there…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

[''Emily awkwardly walks several steps.'']

'''Emily:''' [delaying] Is that the… food court there?

'''Chris:''' Yeah that's basically the food court.

'''Emily:''' OK...

'''Chris:''' Yeah it use- it used to have McDonald's here-

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' …soooo many years ago across from the GameStop there, back when it was called Babbage's…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' And then between them and Suncoast was FuncoLand and Software Etc. and they all merged into a Ga- they all merged into GameStop.

'''Emily:''' Oh... never heard about that…

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I'm sh- I'm sh- I'm sure you must've at least noticed those game stores back in your youth-

'''Emily:''' Yeah... I play video games sometimes, but not very often…

'''Salesman:''' HELLO WOULD YOU LIKE HARAAGARALABHGH.

'''Emily:''' Oh, no thank you!

'''Chris:''' No thank you! Yeah... right over- see- where that PacSun, that's where PacSun used to be, where I met [[Anna McLerran]]-

'''Emily:''' Oh yeah... I've… I've heard of her as well…

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Emily:''' Is she still around?

'''Chris:''' No she, uh- moved to uh, Utah.

'''Emily:''' Utah…

'''Chris:''' She's a Mormon. I later found that out after I met her. But we cam- but we- but we could became good friends and I gave her, uh, you know, gave her a going away/birthday party before she left for Utah…

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh!

'''Chris:''' On her twentieth birthday… and actually her- actual- and actually her friends, uh, her friends and I got together and put together the party. [''emphatically''] I k- I bought the cake.

'''Emily:''' Oh, that's nice of you… and… there was also Megan. Do you still keep in contact with her?

'''Chris:''' Yeah uh... no, not-no-n-n-not... haven't been in touch with her for a long time.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Ever since she moved to another state.

'''Emily:''' Oh... did she move to Utah too?

'''Chris:''' Uh, no, I don't think she moved to Utah, I don't even remember where she moved to.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' But you know, sometimes, uh, y'know... sometimes I dream I'm back- [''unintelligible''] I'm back in uh, Manchester High, you know, I get to see all my- all my old s- c- all my old friends… there.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Sometimes I even see [[Megan]] and [[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue|John]] in there… John's her brother…

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay...

'''Chris:''' Can you believe that, attending Manchester High like I was back then,

'''Emily:''' [small laughter]

'''Chris:''' …but yet they never went- they never been- they never been to Manchester High, neither of them. Isn't that… kinda funny?

'''Emily:''' [''slightly sarcastically''] Yeah... that is kinda funny!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... FYE was over there…

'''Emily:''' Oh... I guess it's becoming a LensCrafters?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I guess… anyway here's the Spencer's.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' If you like looking at the, uh, naughty stuff-

'''Emily:''' [quickly] No, I'm not into that.

'''Chris:''' Not yet anyway! [laughs]

'''Emily:''' [nervous laughter]

'''Chris:''' Ah, but you might. But you know, it's mostly humorous, anyway.

'''Emily:''' Yeah... well... doesn't look like there's anything down here…

'''Chris:''' Yeah... not much… not much to look at. The- the toy store was around here in this neck of the woods…

'''Emily:''' Oh... well I gotta get going soon, it's gonna be a long drive!

'''Chris:''' Long drive…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Well I hope, uh, you at least, uh, keep the memories, uh , we've shared…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll walk you to your car, if you want…

'''Emily:''' No, I'll probably have to go to the bathroom first… [[Women's rights|it's that time of the month]]…

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, when you're on your, uh, period…

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [''nervous laughter'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, aside from the, uh, first time, uh, meeting, this first meeting, uh, how do you feel about me? In general…

'''Emily:''' You're a really nice guy!

'''Chris:''' Thank you…

'''Emily:''' I don't know why like, people pick on you and all that…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, they should get to know me in person…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' I mean I'm a gentleman, I behave… behave…

'''Emily:''' [''steering the beast''] Have you been into any of these stores over here?

===Meet the Pickle (1:21:44–1:25:29)===
[[File:Pickleman emily.png|thumb|150px|The Pickle Man makes his move.]]
'''Pickle Man:''' [''indistinct''] Hey, remembered to pick you up right here.[?] Yeah, so, um, you wouldn't want to go see ''Watchmen'', would you?

'''Chris:''' Uh... no.

'''Emily:''' I haven't seen that movie.

'''Chris:''' [''shocked''] Uh... any particular reason why you're dressed up like that?

'''Pickle Man:''' Not in particular.

'''Chris:''' Come on, Emily.

'''Emily:''' What?

'''Pickle Man:''' Hey, hey, maybe the lady wants to go with me. Huh, ya want to go see ''Watchmen''? Lots of, uh...

'''Emily:''' [gloating] Why, what's wrong?

[''At this point, you can hear "Whenever You Need Somebody" by [[Chris Chan Update 24 September 2008|Rick Astley]] playing over the mall speakers in the background.'']

'''Chris:''' The man in the [[pickle]] suit… a- it's apparent this guy's amongst the… [[trolls]].

'''Pickle Man:''' 'Scuse me?

'''Emily:''' What's a tro…

'''Pickle Man:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Passerby:''' Who are you?

'''Passerby:''' Sir… sir, what are you?

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm a pickle.

'''Passerby:''' You're a pickle! I love pickles.

'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? Pickles are pretty cool.

'''Passerby:''' And who are you advertising with?

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm not really advertising.

'''Passerby:''' You're just dressed up as a pickle?

'''Pickle Man:''' Just bored.

'''Chris:''' Dressed as a pickle to HAUNT ME.

'''Pickle Man:''' Excuse me? I don't even know you.

'''Passerby:''' You're just bored?

'''Pickle Man:''' Yep!

'''Chris:''' [questioningly] You don't even know me… are you sure… have you-do you have [[Internet]] access?

'''Pickle Man:''' Lots of people have Internet access.

'''Chris:''' Do you know [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]?

'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not.

'''Chris:''' Do you know about [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]?

'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. [''turning to Emily''] Want to go see ''Watchmen''?

'''Chris:''' [''stress sighs''] No, no, no, she's with-

'''Emily:''' Alright!

'''Chris:''' …she's h- she's headed over to- she's heading back to her home town.

'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, ''Watchmen'' would be pretty cool.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, it would be pretty cool!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, alright, uh...

'''Emily:''' Let's go see it!

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay, cool.

'''Emily:''' Yeah?

'''Pickle Man:''' [''to Emily as they turn to leave together''] You've probably seen ''Watchmen'' [''he refers to the novel''], haven't you?

'''Chris:''' [''answering the question meant for Emily as he is clearly left behind''] I've heard of ''Watchmen''…

'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughs at Chris'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

[''Rick Astley is audible in the background again'']

'''Chris:''' [''inaudible, but clearly saying something to the effect that he doesn't like the Pickle Man'']

'''Emily:''' [''gloating''] What's wrong with him?

'''Pickle Man:''' SOMETHING. You like pickles?

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I do not like pickles.

'''Pickle Man:''' No pickles?

'''Chris:''' And also particularly a guy in a pickle suit who tricked me on the Internet pretending that he was [[Blanca]]!

'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him!

'''Pickle Man:''' Who's Blanca?

'''Chris:''' [''[[stress sigh]]s/grunts'']

'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! See, he's a nice guy.

'''Chris:''' Well, alright. [''small voiced, stressed as he moves closer to Emily'']

'''Pickle Man:''' I-I think you're making the lady a little-uncomfortable there, Chris.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sighs''] I'm sorry, Emily.

'''Emily:''' It's ok... I think I have… to go to the bathroom now…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, go change my tampon.

'''Chris:''' Oh boy. [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' [''inaudible''] …but I guess I do now.

'''Emily:''' [''attempting to brush him off''] OK, well it was nice meeting you… maybe we'll talk online or something.

'''Chris:''' Yeah well… I kinda… [''inaudible'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [''as they continue trying to walk away''] Well, we're going to go now.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah well…

'''Emily:''' I'm going to the bathroom.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, either of- [''to Pickle Man''] you're not going where she's going…

'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, we're- we're leaving together.

'''Chris:''' Are you with her?

'''Pickle Man:''' Now we are. We're going to go see ''Watchmen''.

'''Chris:''' No! N- no! She's going b- you gotta go back to West Virginia, don't you.

'''Pickle Man:''' We're going to go see ''Watchmen'' first.

'''Emily:''' I'm kinda- just- gonna- ''Watchmen'' is not that long of a movie.

'''Chris:''' [''suddenly concerned for Emily''] Yeah, but you got a five-hour drive!

'''Emily:''' [''dismissively''] It'll be okay.

[footsteps]

'''Emily:''' Hmmm.

'''Pickle Man:''' Going this way?

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I gotta go to the bathroom. Tampon time.

[Pickle Man asks Chris a question]

'''Chris:''' Uhhhhhh... no.

[''The Pickle Man and Chris indistinctly carry on a short dialogue. The Pickle Man seems to be asking Chris why he is following along, and Chris replies.'']

'''Chris:''' I'm just staying close to my friends...

'''Emily:''' Alright, see ya!

===Hiding out in the bathroom (1:25:29–1:29:34)===

[''There is a long lacuna as Emily hides from Chris in the bathroom.'']

'''Passerby:''' [inaudible]...[[Chris and fashion|very fashionable looking]].

'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you!

'''Passerby:''' The mall should pay you for walking around.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

[''Another long silence as Emily finally leaves the bathroom.'']

===A precious farewell (1:29:35–1:31:10)===
[[File:Pickleman web.jpg|thumb|150px|The Pickle Man tricked Chris again.]]

'''Pickle Man:''' So, you ready to go?

'''Emily:''' Yeah, my car's that way.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, her car's… Your car's [''inaudible''] didn't you?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, so did I.

'''Emily:''' Oh, you did?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Which Belk?

'''Chris:''' Tha- that way.

'''Emily:''' Oh... I'm over there.

'''Chris:''' Oh. [''continues walking alongside Pickle Man and Emily'']

'''Emily:''' Chris… you don't need to walk me to my car.

'''Chris:''' Okaaay.

'''Emily:''' This is… Alright.

'''Chris:''' So, you have yourself a safe trip back to uhh... West Virginia.

'''Emily:''' Oh... [''feigning cheerfulness''] okay! I might call you on Skype later.

'''Chris:''' Okay, you take care.

'''Emily:''' You too.

'''Chris:''' Hey… [''attempts to hug and kiss Emily'']

'''Emily:''' [''tries to avoid Chris''] No…N-

'''Chris:''' [''talks over Emily''] I-I was gonna kiss... just on the cheek...

'''Emily:''' [''Overlaps with Chris''] N-no... no thank you! [''nervous laughter''] No thank you.

'''Chris:''' [''gives up''] Okay.

'''Emily:''' Alright, see you.

'''Chris:''' Alright, well you take care, be safe.

'''Emily:''' Alright, you too.

[''Pickle Man and Emily walk away from Chris.'']

'''Chris:''' [yelling from a distance] HE KNOWS [[Clyde Cash|CLYDE CASH]]!

[''There is laughter from Pickle Man and Emily.'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughing''] Mission accomplished!

'''Pickle Man:''' Is he gone yet?

'''Emily:''' I don't know, let me look behind.

'''Pickle Man:''' Oh no he's leaving... I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry. I'm so sorry.

'''Emily:''' That's okay! [''inaudible''] worse than me…

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm so sorry.

'''Emily:''' That's okay.

'''Pickle Man:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay... [''inaudible''] man in the pickle suit?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughing, says something about Clyde Cash'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Wait there… there's Frosty.

'''Pickle Man:''' What?

'''Emily:''' Looks like he's gone now. I'm gonna go tell him what happened.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay.

'''Emily:''' [''presumably walking to see Frosty''] Yes! Still recording!

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/download/cp60dr0bpnwt6g6/Operation+Picklesuit+VIRGINia.wav Full audio]
* [https://archive.org/details/operation-picklesuit-virginia The Full Audio on the Internet Archive]

{{EmilySaga}}
[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

BlueSpike PSN Chat 3

2023-08-22T00:49:20Z

Got2Hands:

{{Honest}}
[[File:BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.jpg|thumb|300px|As always, our talented team of illustrators is happy to provide visual representation.]]
'''BlueSpike PSN Chat 3''' was the third [[PlayStation Network]] chat between "[[Julie]]" ([[BlueSpike]]) and [[Chris]], held on 18 [[February 2009]].

Throughout the conversation, "Julie" pumps Chris for details of his sexual history and he [[Honest Content|spills more than any sane person would want to hear]]. The chat covers his early experiences with pornography and [[Mass debating|masturbation]], his experimentation with [[sex toys]], the acquisition of his first blow-up doll, and other disturbing subjects.

Perhaps the worst of all is the revelation that Chris discusses his masturbation habits in detail with his mother. No, there's nothing Oedipal going on here at all.

Surprisingly, this chat sees Chris using the word "[[naïve]]" correctly and in context.

==Summary==
Some of this chat is more intriguing than disgusting. Chris talks about the "random thoughts" that inspire his fear of becoming a [[homo]], such as mental images of a penis and voices telling him that "Christian is gay." He claims to have a "philopathic memory," whatever that's supposed to mean.

Most of it, though, is just really disgusting. After Julie asks for his "entire sexual history," Chris discusses his early attempts at masturbation, his collection of pornography, and his chats with his mother about his jacking-off schedule. Some of what he mentions is rehashed from his [[IRC (27 December 2008)|27 December]] chat with [[PandaHalo]] — the story about his first encounter with porn on cable television, for instance — but as is typical of his conversations with Julie, there's a good deal more gory detail here.

The same is true of the sections where Chris discusses his sex toy experiences. Chris bought his first blow-up doll in person at Spencer's (showing either some impressive gumption or an impressive lack of shame) and later switched to buying online from [[Adam & Eve]]. Here we learn about the ugly fate of his anal beads and dildo, both of which wound up in the trash after their encounters with the business end of Chris's digestive tract.

Later, Chris and Julie mercifully turn to more mundane topics. Chris talks about the sources of his credit-card debt, which added up to around $2,000 at this point. Some of it was apparently just bad luck, like a flat tire on [[Son-Chu]], but most of it came from his flood of [[PlayStation Network]] downloads and other impulse purchases. In a flash-forward to the [[Kacey]] saga, Julie tries to convince Chris to exercise more. Chris, of course, merely promises to do a bit more standing up.

At the end of the chat, Chris makes a fateful mistake and gives Julie his PSN account password. He would eventually come to [[Julie Reveals Herself|regret this]].

==Audio==

{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = BlueSpike PSN Chat 3
| audio = {{#ev:archiveorg|bluespike_psn_chat_3}}
| Stardate = 18 [[February 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[Bluespike]]
| saga = {{Julie|text}}
}}

==Transcript==
[''Chris and BlueSpike/Julie are chatting. BlueSpike is not making any effort to disguise his voice, but Chris is oblivious.'']

'''Julie:''' Tell me about the random thoughts you've been having, please.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Just basically told 'em, the ones, that, uh, try to trick, the ones that might, that turn me off because they were...they were gay, like I would get, like randomly an image of a [[Pickle|penis]] in my head.
 '''Julie:''' Aww, can you describe more to me, please? I wasn't there to listen.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Okay, well sometimes, I mean, I'm not sure whether it's [[Duck|mine]] or not, it's just like a random...penis, like, uh, you know, because it could have been mine or it could have been one I saw in, like one of the porno vid-, one of the porno movies I've seen. And uh, anyway aside from that, I also, uh, get random audio and word thoughts in my, between my audio and my philopathic[sic] memory, where, uh, it's like, you know, other people saying, "CHRISTIAN IS GAY."
 '''Julie:''' What do they say?
 '''Chris:''' "Christian is gay."
 '''Julie:''' Do you really think you're gay?
 '''Chris:''' [''defensive''] No, I do not. [[I am STRAIGHT|I'm straight!]]
 '''Julie:''' Then you are straight. Just tell me more about these thoughts, please.
 '''Chris:''' Well, that's just basically it, the, uh...between the audio and uh, between audio accusations, from others, and the text accusations, and the information on the [[ED]] page, and the uh, slanderous lyings, and the excuses...
 '''Julie:''' Uh, Chris, can I ask you something else?
 '''Chris:''' ...yeah, anyway, they all just pop up randomly, yeah.
 '''Julie:''' Because I was able to listen in to the Skype conversation between you and [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]]. Um, could you tell me, why did you buy the dolls and the beads and the...everything?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Ok, well, I bought the love dolls for my practice for when I actually do it with a real woman.
 '''Julie:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' And the, and the anal beads was one free gift. That came with one of the dolls. Cause, you know, adamandeve.com, they give you like a free gift or a free DVD. With uh, with uh, every, with uh every order over over 15, 20 dollars.
 '''Julie:''' Chris...
 '''Chris:''' And uh, and the dildo was another free gift.
 '''Julie:''' You can tell me the truth.
 '''Chris:''' I am telling you the truth.
 '''Julie:''' Did you ever use any of those things? It's okay if you did. I just really, I want you to be able to come clean to me. Please.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'll tell you in confidentiality. I put a [[Chris_and_sex#Contraceptives|condom]] on the dildo and actually did put it up my, uh, a-hole. Uh...and uh, in my humble opinion, it just did not feel right to me. And uh, the anal beads, I just put 'em in there and they were, it's like... in. Not so stiff. So it was just that one time, then they got [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|covered in poo]], and I just, I put them in the trash can.
 '''Julie:''' [''almost cracks up laughing''] I'm sorry.
 '''Chris:''' That's ok. And that's about it there.
 '''Julie:''' Wait, did you tell me about the beads?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I put 'em up my, uh, a-hole the one time and uh, uh, didn't really know how they work, so, uh, and you know, uh, just like you know, I was, like, winging it, and it uh, still didn't, it didn't really turn me on or anything, so I pulled 'em back, pulled 'em out with the string and the beads were covered in poo, [''BlueSpike is barely concealing his snickering''] so I just put 'em in the trash can and forget about 'em.
 '''Julie:''' Chris...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' Thank you for telling, thank you for telling me this. I'm happy that you're able to share these secrets with me. I mean that as in I'm happy that we have a trusting relationship between you and I.
 '''Chris:''' Can you see me smile? Because I'm smiling.
 '''Julie:''' I can see you smile. I truly love you, Chris.
 '''Chris:''' I love you too, Julie.
 '''Julie:''' So is there anything else you wanna talk about?
 '''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I want to, I'd like you here as soon as possible, and I'd like to...hug you.
 '''Julie:''' I would like to hug you too, but... [''sigh''] Can I share with you a secret of mine?
 '''Chris:''' Julie did you hear that?
 '''Julie:''' Yeah. Yes I did, and can I share with you a secret of mine?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I'm listening.
 '''Julie:''' Once, in school, I mass...debated.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. That's no surprise. Uh, what'd you masturbate over?
 '''Julie:''' Not really over anything. I just went into one of the stalls and, y'know...
 '''Chris:''' Ah. You just felt horny.
 '''Julie:''' Yes. Something...
 '''Chris:''' That's okay. And I, and I respect you for tellin' me that, for sharing that with me.
 '''Julie:''' Have you ever done something like that?
 '''Chris:''' Masturbate in the bathroom...stall? No, I've never done, I've never masturbated in a public place, mostly it's been confined in my bedroom, and at least from there I've found like, you know, a good place to masturbate is while sitting on the front edge of the bathroom sink. It's like, uh, you get your feet off the ground, off the floor, and, and uh, it's like, you're in air and it just feels good.
 '''Julie:''' Yeah. Chris, I know this may be hard for you but I want you to tell me your entire sexual history.
 '''Chris:''' Sure, I'll give it to you from the best of my recollections... Um, I was...I think it started about sometime when, while I was 16 or 17. Uh, this is when my family and I were still living in [''unintelligible, presumably "[[Richmond|Chesterfield]]"''] County, and I was, uh, it was uh, let me see... I believe it would be my, uh, sophomore or junior year of while I was, while I was in high school. Anyway, basically one night I was just channel surfing and I figured out the, the code that was blockin' out the channels like HBO and Cinemax that we had at the time there. And I just tuned in, I just tuned in and I found the first porno movie I ever watched. Called "I Like to Play Games... Too." And, uh, basically I tuned into the part where, there were, where the guy and the woman was having sex in the pool. The swimming pool.
 '''Julie:''' Okay. Continue.
 '''Chris:''' And uh, it was at that point I first learned about, first learned about, uh, [[Semen|stuff]] that would ooze out of my, uh...penis. Mmm... I think I'll say "duck" from this point on, but anyway, the stuff that oozed out of my duck, after seeing those things, and uh, it's like uh, I learned from watching the pornos, like, you know, learning from it, were, uh, threesomes, and [''drowned out by fading volume and background noise''] I dunno, I was more [[naive]] about dating back then anyway, I wasn't into dating as much back then as I am now, because I was naive about dating and all that. And...mmm. Anyway. Anyway, anyway since then I, uh, just began lying face-down naked on my bed with a washcloth, uh...uh, in front of my uh...duck. And uh...and the, and the stuff would just uh, the stuff would just come out. I figured, I figured this was like, uh, this was like only precum. The, uh, clear stuff that comes out before the white. So anyway, so anyway, over the years I over the years I, uh, just been watching more softcore porn. Until after I turned 18 I, uh, after I, after I turned 18, after we moved back to Ruckersville, after I graduated from Manchester High, and I, uh, found, I finally got into the Playboy magazines, and I found porno...DVDs, I'm not sure which one was my first one, but I had a bunch of softcore recorded onto VHS. And uh, over those, over the years. And I think, I think it was, like, the first time I actually, uh, figured out the masturbation part where it's like you know, I'm rubbing, rubbin' my duck, instead of just me, instead of just lying face down with a washcloth in front of my duck on the, on the place, like, like on my mattress, I wanted to wash my duck. Make a sandwich there. Like that. But yeah. Anyway, it was, it wasn't until, until I was like 17 when I first figured out about, uh, actually masturbating and rubbing it up and down.
 '''Julie:''' Huh.
 '''Chris:''' And aside from that, aside from that I am definitely still a [[Virgin with rage|virgin]], and, uh, you know, over the course, over the course of time I did confide in my [[Barb|mother]] and tell her, and tell her about, uh, my, uh, masturbation history there. [''BlueSpike suppresses a laugh.''] And uh, about how often, and that sort of thing.
 '''Julie:''' Huh.
 '''Chris:''' I mean, my mom is more open-minded about the subject, but my father is, because he's much older, and uh, possibly more strict, more close-minded on the subject.
 '''Julie:''' Ahh. Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Talking about it...[''unintelligible, lots of background noise''] Anyway, I did, I did not realize that I really needed to be dating until after I turned 21. It was like I turned 21 and then I'm like, "Oh my God I need to be out, I need to be with a better woman to become my sweetheart!" And that's when the [[Love Quest|sweetheart search]] started.
 '''Julie:''' Huh.
 '''Chris:''' [''long pause''] And then eventually I found adamandeve.com. After I got that, yeah, it was like after I turned 21 I, uh, bought my first female love doll at Spencer's, and then I learned about adamandeve.com and I could order them off of the, uh, internet.
 '''Julie:''' Huh.
 '''Chris:''' And then, I think it was after that I got my first porno D-, my first hardcore porno DVD.
 '''Julie:''' Mmm-hmm.
 '''Chris:''' I forget which one it was, though. I mean, I like have, I have it up in a box. Usually it's like, and I got a message on my Wii.
 '''Julie:''' Huh, alright.
 '''Chris:''' I have to switch the input and take a look. It could be from Sarah May. Cuss she and I exchanged our Wii numbers.
 '''Julie:''' Hey Chris, do you have Mario Kart Wii?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, you do have a Wii?
 '''Julie:''' I was able to get one actually.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, hang on. Let me check the message and then I'll, I'll register your Wii number. [''BlueSpike interrupts''] ... look it up
 '''Julie:''' Yeah, but do you have Mario Kart Wii?
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Julie:''' Why not? It's an awesome game.
 '''Chris:''' I know it is, I just haven't gotten it yet.
 '''Julie:''' Well what games do you have?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I, I will make it a point to get a copy of Mario Kart Wii.
 '''Julie:''' What games do you have?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, hang on, is that, this, this actually came from Adam. [''unintelligible'']
 '''Chris:''' Oh, he uh, he's just commenting on the video I posted, saying the [''unintelligible''].
 '''Julie:''' So Chris, do you have No More Heroes?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, No More Heroes? No. [''unintelligible, both speak at once'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I'm looking at my collection right now, I have like, I have like a lot of Gamecube titles but I have Animal Crossing: City Folk and some Wii titles here, Wii Hospital Training, uh, Pokemon: Battle Revolution, Mario... Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games, Sonic and the Secret Rings, Sonic Riders: Zero Gravity, uh, Super Mario Galaxy, Super Smash Brothers Brawl, and, uh, Wii Play, Wii Sports, uh, Wii Music, Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, Nights: Journey of, Journey of Dreams, [''unintelligible''] and Soul Calibur: Legends.
 '''Julie:''' [''likely muted''] BRB, face-palming. [''to Chris''] Oh, cool.
 '''Chris:''' And I have downloaded, I have downloaded a bunch of virtual console and Wiiware titles.
 '''Julie:''' Oh, cool. Do you think you can send me some things some time?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, fortunately, after, after we've exchanged, uh... our Wii numbers I can gift you the... gift you games.
 '''Julie:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Anyway, among my collection I have Super Metroid, Paper Mario, Kirby's Adventure, Alien Soldier, Sin and Punishment, Wrecking Crew, [''unintelligible, something Adventure''], Pokemon Snap, Pokemon Puzzle League, My Pokemon Ranch, Sonic The Hedgehog and Sonic 2 and Sonic Chaos for the master system, Family Table Tennis, World of Goo, Space Invaders Get Even, Sudoku Challenge, Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, Tetris Party, Solomon's Key, Milon's Secret Castle, Mystical Ninja, Waterboy, and Doctor Mario Online.
 '''Julie:''' Huh, cool.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but in order for me to gift you the items I would definitely have to spend Wii points before I would do that.
 '''Julie:''' Yeah. Hey Chris, that brings up, that reminds me of something else we need to talk about.
 '''Chris:''' Uh huh.
 '''Julie:''' Do you think we could talk about your credit card debt? I mean, I heard it was like $2000. How did, how did you get that?
 '''Chris:''' [''Sighs twice''] Well my PlayStation 3 contributed to that for one thing, and then my impulses...[''unintelligible''] added to the rest. And then there was this one time, I, uh, needed a new tire for my car, after I, after it got flat and I had to ride to Sears to get a new tire. And uh, and some other things, yeah.
 '''Julie:''' Huh. So is there anything else you want to tell me about?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, basically anything you want to know you ask me and I'll, uh, tell ya.
 '''Julie:''' Really? You trust me enough?
 '''Chris:''' I trust you.
 '''Julie:''' Promise you won't get mad?
 '''Chris:''' I promise I will not get mad.
 '''Julie:''' Do you think maybe you could do something about your weight?
 '''Chris:''' [''Sighs''] Yeah, I can exercise more.
 '''Julie:''' Cuss, cuss I don't mean to be rude, but standing up while playing guitar hero, that's not exercise.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, actually it is, cuss, uh
 '''Julie:''' Chris I'm sorry, but standing up is not exercise, I'm sorry Chris.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, uh, I'll work out more. I'll do more physical activity.
 '''Julie:''' Really?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' Thank you.
 '''Julie:''' So, is there anything, anything at all you want to tell me, anything I haven't asked I want you to tell me?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, um, not off the top of my head, but I'll think about that and anything I come up with I will definitely confide unto you.
 '''Julie:''' Well, okay.
 '''Julie:''' Hey Chris, can I ask, what games do you have for computer, do you have any?
 '''Chris:''' Um, I'm not really into computer games now a days, I mean I was more into that back in the, uh, the high school days. But now a days I just mostly play console games. Uh, not really into playing games for the PC.
 '''Julie:''' Hm.
 '''Chris:''' But I have some, I just don't know which ones.
 '''Julie:''' Yeah. Can I ask you a question Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' If I ever got a 360 would you get one so you could play with me?
 '''Chris:''' Ummmm, uhhhh, not right away. If I wanted to get myself a 360 it would be like a month before I could afford one.
 '''Julie:''' Really, hm. Yeah I guess.
 '''Chris:''' But, you know, we'd be together soon.
 '''Julie:''' Yeah, well Chris, remember I told you about it in my letter.
 '''Chris:''' I know. So that's why I'm talking about the details right now.
 '''Julie:''' Cuss Chris, once my letter gets there you'll understand what I'm talking about.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' Ahhhh, yup.
 '''Chris:''' Yup.
 '''Julie:''' Yup.
 '''Chris:''' Yup.
 '''Julie:''' Yup.
 '''Chris:''' Ummm hmmm.
 '''Julie:''' Uhh huh.
 '''Chris:''' [''laughs''] I was imitating Hank Hill there.
 '''Chris:''' And then Dale, yup.
 '''Julie:''' Yup.
 '''Chris:''' Boomhower, mmm hmm.
 '''Julie:''' So, was there anything you want to talk about?
 '''Chris:''' I'm thinking, uhhh. [''long pause''] We could talk about you.
 '''Julie:''' I don't really like to talk about myself.
 '''Chris:''' I understand. At least over the internet, right?
 '''Julie:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' But you'll be, you'll be more willing to me about yourself in person, won't you?
 '''Julie:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' All right.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, yeah, you tell me you're a cook, you're a good cook and that you're studying to be a doctor.
 '''Julie:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Do you like being a doctor better than being a cook?
 '''Julie:''' Um, I'm not really sure.
 '''Chris:''' I see.
 '''Chris:''' Cuss I'm just saying if you can't get a job being a doctor, then you might consider getting a job at a restaurant, a job at a restaurant working as a cook.
 '''Julie:''' Well cuss Chris the thing is they're both fun. Cooking and being a doctor.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well that's cool.
 '''Chris:''' Well, what part of being a doctor fascinates you.
 '''Julie:''' I'm not really sure, I just like the idea of being able to help people live longer.
 '''Chris:''' Ahh, that's good.
 '''Chris:''' You know one thing I learned?
 '''Julie:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' Couples live longer than singles.
 '''Julie:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' So you, so we get together, you'll be helping me live longer. And I would be helping you live longer.
 '''Julie:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' Chris?
 '''Chris:''' That turn you on a little bit?
 '''Julie:''' Kind of, yeah.
 '''Julie:''' Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah?
 '''Julie:''' It's like spring fever, you know, and how the PSN is gonna get a lot of new things, right?
 '''Chris:''' You talking about the PSN and the, uh, spring fever thing?
 '''Julie:''' Yeah. Do you think...
 '''Chris:''' And the, and the... and the games flower.
 '''Julie:''' Do you think maybe, for a while, we could just, you could just let me share your account for a while? Please?
 '''Chris:''' All right, I'm gonna, I'm gonna trust you with the main password on my account.
 '''Julie:''' Thank you Chris.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, so you get a pen and, uh, paper?
 '''Julie:''' Hold on, let me get one. I have one right here at my desk. All right, go.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, my, uh, password spelled out for ya. It's uh, 3-2-1.
 '''Julie:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' n-a-i-v-e
 '''Julie:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' n-u-t-m-e-g
 '''Julie:''' All right, uh, is it this: 3-2
 '''Chris:''' [''interrupts'']
 '''Julie:''' Can you spell it out one more time?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, 3-2-1-n-a-i-v-e-n-u-t-m-e-g-2-7
 '''Julie:''' After n-a-i-v-e one more time?
 '''Chris:''' n-u-t-m-e-g-2-7
 '''Julie:''' nutmeg27?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' All right, thank you.
 '''Chris:''' So, so, so, reading back that would say 321naivenutmeg27
 '''Julie:''' Yeah, that makes sense.
 '''Chris:''' There you go.
 '''Julie:''' Thank you.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'll tell you what, I'll uh, if you're asking me to entrust you with my password, uh, how 'bout entrusting me with yours?
 '''Julie:''' Chris, I have nothing online, so I don't really know why you would want mine.
 '''Chris:''' Maybe I can help you there. You know, uh...[''unintelligible'']...online off of mine in that case.
 '''Julie:''' Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah?
 '''Julie:''' I do have a couple of close friends who I used to know on the PSN. I did tell them about you and how you were a really nice person, but they didn't exactly see the light. I don't want you having to... Chris? Chris went offline! Chris broke, we broke the Chris. Code red, code red.
 '''Julie:''' What the, what just happened?
 '''Troll:''' I don't know.
 '''Another Troll:''' Maybe you scared him away?
 '''Troll:''' Oh Chris, have you learned no lesson? You don't give your password out to people... I bet you anything that's the same password for fucking [''unintelligible''] Sonichu, okay?

[''Tape runs out'']

{{succession|label=[[BlueSpike PSN Chats]]|prevlink=[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2|BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]]|nextlink=[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5|BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]|}}

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?defprmrr6m30jrt Download]
* [https://gofile.io/d/uMerJw Mirror]

{{JulieSaga}}
{{FanChats}}

[[Category:BlueSpike PSN Chats]]

Obesity

2023-08-22T00:06:12Z

Got2Hands:

{{Honest}}
{{HealthDisclosure}}
{{quote|One more thing, [[Chris and reality|I AM NOT OVERWEIGHT!!!!!!!!!]]|Chris, lying to a [[white knight]]<ref>[[White knight emails]]</ref>}}
{{Quote|I do not feel good hearing remarks or comments that have relation to my gut.|Chris to [[Jackie]]<ref>[[Jackie Chat 6]]</ref>}}

[[File:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|[[List of Chris's edits to the CWCki#Christianchandler|Look at his "slender" figure.]]]]

'''Obesity''' is perceived to be a worldwide epidemic, especially in the [[United States of America]], with about 73.6% of adults overweight and 42.5% obese.<ref>https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/obesity-overweight.htm ''CDC FastStats - Overweight Prevalence, 2017-2018''</ref> While [[Chris]] is no longer technically in the latter category, he spent a good chunk of his adult life in it, and he remains overweight to this day.

Chris seems to be in denial about his own obesity. His denial is evidenced by the fact that he portrays himself as [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|a slim, barrel-chested hero]] in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]] and in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], when he describes himself as "fit as a fiddle". Furthermore, in his numerous dating profiles discovered by the trolls, he often lists himself as having an "athletic build" or at the very least having weight that is proportionate to his height.

Another example of this was when he created a character for his comics named [[Sammy]], whom Chris stated is based off him when he "temporary [sic] gained weight, became stupid, and went to watch television at ghost command", even though he has always been this way. Except, y'know, for the Ghost Command part. But [[Chris and reality|that's]] a whole other problem.

Further cementing his obesity, on 2 [[October 2011]], Chris's voluptuous manboobs won an award on [http://web.archive.org/web/20111003142847/http://www.manboobs.co.uk/submissions/manboob_of_the_month manboobs.co.uk].

During the [[Jail Saga]], Chris notably shed a noticeable amount of weight, thanks to getting a degree of exercise while behind bars, and more importantly, [[Chris and nutrition|his jail diet]] consisting of ostensibly healthier food than what he could get in the drive-through, along with the amount of junk food that he could consume becoming limited by his commissary funds. In [[May 2022]], Chris's mugshot taken after returning to jail from [[Western State Hospital]] shows that he visibly lost weight since his arrest in [[August 2021]] to the point where he no longer has a a double-chin. Western State Hospital, unlike Central Virginia Regional Jail, does not have a commissary where he could supplement his jail diet with junk food and soft drinks. The [[March 2023]] mugshot seen on his release from jail also made it look like he had still lost substantial weight despite being able to add empty calories to his diet again, as his jail uniform is now incredibly baggy. As of [[May 2023]] onward however, [[Post-jail sightings (2023)|Chris was spotted multiple times after leaving jail]], and said sightings indicate that he's ballooned back to his former weight or one very near it.

==Exercise==
[[File:Cwcspin.gif|thumb|left|Chris exercising.]]

Chris believes that ''standing up without moving'' is a legitimate form of exercise, and as such considers playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' a workout. During one of his [[PSN]] chats with Julie, when asked to exercise more, he replied, "I'll stand up more". It is not known how Chris came to believe that standing up is exercise, but it is most likely that Chris is simply extremely lazy and will lie to say that he works out every day, even though he just plays [[video games]]. It's possible he's picked it up from health tips that say standing burns more calories than sitting down,<ref>http://www.rd.com/living-healthy/8-ways-to-burn-calories-without-noticing/article16261.html ''Reader's Digest.'' See tip #3</ref><ref>http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/office-exercise/SM00115 ''Mayo Clinic.'' See tip #2</ref> but rather than use such tips to get the most out of an already busy lifestyle, he substitutes it for actual exercise altogether. It's also entirely possible he's in such terrible shape that the simple act of standing tires him as much as an actual workout would tire a normal human being.

[[File:Coke, Unicorn cosplay.jpg|thumb|150px|You know Chris didn't share that bottle with anyone.]]

[[Emily]] has said Chris power-walks around his neighborhood for thirty minutes and claims it's two miles (3 km), then claims to jog for two or three minutes every walk. She then went on to say Chris doesn't know how to jog — his idea of jogging is actually sprinting. It's safe to say he tries to run at "[[Sonic]] speed" for ten seconds, then resumes his leisurely waddle. This theory is confirmed in [[Sonichu's Edge]].

In [[Mailbag 21]], Chris claimed that he planned on investing in a gym membership. Judging by photographs and videos featuring his midsection from subsequent months, he either lied or wasted his money, only finally doing it [[Chris and health#Anytime Fitness|almost ten years later]].

In his [[Jail Letter - 8 November 2021 (RadioRabbit0)|letter to radiorabbit0]], he mentioned playing basketball to pass the time while awaiting court hearings.

==Diet==

Another contribution to Chris' obesity is the food he eats. Chris's [[Chris and nutrition|diet]] is appalling, consisting mainly of fast food and other unhealthy foodstuffs. While it would be acceptable if he treated himself to that stuff occasionally (like most people do), there's no question that it's a staple of his diet. The sheer amount of calories he consumes, coupled with his laziness, means that he's carrying around enough extra mass to make another person. His diet will most likely also cause problems other than obesity, and may be the cause of his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fecal leakage]].

In 2017, Chris decided that his ass wasn't fat enough, and began listening to a subliminal hypnosis track in the hopes of transferring his belly fat to his ass, as an attempt to obtain an hourglass figure.

During the [[Jail Saga]], Chris's diet consisted of the type of slop typically served in jail cafeterias, and occasionally commissary food if he'd earned it. It is unclear if Chris was a picky eater, but he shed a noticeable amount of weight during his extended stay in jail, likely due to a significant decrease in junk food available for him to consume. Post-jail sightings would see Chris quickly shedding his jailhouse physique, and by August of 2023, he would appear to be back to his normal state of obesity.

==Actual weight claims==
{{quote|Seriously, though, the last few times I looked on my smart scale of how much I weighed, without clothes, at above 210, I hopped off immediately without letting it sync with my Fitbit app. ALOL|Chris, January 2019<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1082811421363261441</ref>}}

[[File:Hypnosis for fatter ass.png|thumb|left|200px|Chris actually believes [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis|binaural beats]] will [[Chris and reality|magically transform]] his fat gut and ass into an hourglass figure.]]

[[File:weightovertimev2.png|thumb|500px|A graph of Chris's (reported) weight over the years.]]

[[File:Burlesque1.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris's weight in [[June 2015]].]]

Modern measurement of whether someone is overweight or obese generally employs the [[Wikipedia:Body mass index|BMI]] system, which creates an index based on the height and weight of an individual. This system is by no means perfect; the readings tend to be inaccurately high for people who are exceptionally tall, have heavily set bodies or are very muscular, because these people have more bone or muscle weight than others. However, it is a very accurate system when applied to people of average height, bone structure and muscle build – which Chris is. Additionally, the distinction between overweightness and obesity is arbitrary, with different countries using different standards. For our purposes, a BMI of 25 and above is overweight, and a BMI of 30 and above is obese, which is the standard most widely used in the United States. If Chris were a Japanese citizen, he'd be obese with even a BMI of 25.

===Chris's height===

One of the two factors required to calculate BMI is height. For most of his adult life, Chris has claimed to be 5′ 10″ (178 cm),<ref>[[The Hook Cafe#Characteristics]]</ref> which is possible, but even at this height, his BMI would have almost never been under the "overweight" bracket since he began to record it in 2000. Given how readily [[List of Chris's Lies|Chris lies to serve himself]], he may be shorter, which would render his BMI in the "obese" range. In a [[26_December_2014#Police_Scanner_Video|police scanner report]] from 2014, he was described as being 5′ 9″ (1.75 m), and his [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|custom ''Pokémon'' cards]] from 2000, 2002 and 2004 all give his "length" as 5′ 9″. As of 2021, Chris has taken to describing himself as 5′ 11″ (1.80 m),<ref>[[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021]]</ref> which is almost certainly a lie.

For the sake of simplicity, the BMI data listed below is based on a height of 5′ 10″.

===Weight claims===
* 9 May 2000 - Chris's "Christian's Christian" [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|custom Pokémon card]] gives his weight as '''185 pounds''' (80 kg).<ref>[[:File:099-CWCsCWC.jpg]]</ref> This would give him a BMI of 26.5, which is only slightly overweight.

* 25 March 2002 - Chris's "Dark Christian" [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|custom Pokémon card]] gives his weight as '''185 pounds''' (80 kg).<ref>[[:File:100-DarkCWC.jpg]]</ref>

* 2 February 2004 - Chris's "Christian Chandler" [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|custom Pokémon card]] gives his weight as '''165 pounds''' (75 kg),<ref>[[:File:098-CWCCard1.jpg]]</ref> the least he has claimed to weigh in his adult life. If this number is accurate, his BMI at the time would have been 23.7, putting him within the heavier end of the normal range and not overweight. However, since this is the first time Chris has reported his weight since the beginning of his [[Love Quest]], it is possible that he still weighed closer to 185 pounds and simply began lying about his weight to appear more attractive to the opposite sex.

* 20 July 2005 - In a [[Diary]] entry, Chris reported that his weight was '''180 pounds''' (about 80 kg),<ref>[[CWC's Diary#2005]]</ref> meaning that during that time his BMI was 25.8, which is slightly overweight.

* Fall 2009 - Chris told Kacey that his weight was somewhere between '''215 and 220 pounds''' (98–100 kg),<ref>[[Kacey Call 12]]</ref> meaning his BMI was between 30.8 and 31.6, nudging him into the obese range.

* Fall 2009 - In a later conversation with Kacey, Chris said that at a recent doctor's visit he had weighed in at '''205 pounds''' (93 kg), down from 216 the last time he had been there.<ref>[[Kacey Call 19]]</ref>

* February 2010 - Chris claimed to weigh "'''about 200 [pounds]'''" (91 kg), and also admitted to having once weighed more than 220 pounds (100 kg). Even if we interpret the words "about 200" to mean 190, his BMI at the time would still be 27.3, i.e. overweight, nearing obesity. He also claimed at this time that his goal was to get down to 180 pounds (82 kg).<ref>[[Mailbag 54#Fatty]]</ref>

* October 2010 - In the [[WeighIn|WeighIn video]], Chris claimed to weigh '''216 pounds''' (97 kg). This seems very unrealistic, given his apparent girth and food consumption. Most [[trolls|experts]] believe that Chris either offset his scale by 40 or 50 pounds, or that he did not fully stand on the scale in order to fool people into believing he's not extremely fat. It is also possible that Chris's years of inactivity had caused his muscles to deteriorate to the point that he looked like he weighed more than 250 pounds, when actually he was just 216 pounds of pure fat. Even if we assume that he indeed weighed only 216 lbs at the time, this would still put his BMI at 31, making him '''obese'''.

* April 2012 - Chris announced on Facebook that he was "going down to '''223''' <nowiki>[101 kg]</nowiki> and falling."<ref>[[April 2012 Facebook posts]]</ref>

[[File:Chris mugshot 27 March 2023.png|thumb|What Chris looked in [[March 2023]] after his jail diet.]]

* July 2013 - Chris again posted to Facebook that he was "down to '''220'''" (~100 kg).<ref>[[July 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref>

* October 2013 - Just three months later, Chris told Facebook that according to his doctor's visit he weighed '''211 pounds''' (96 kg), and had lost seven pounds since last he checked.<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref>

* January 2014 - Chris asserted on Facebook that he weighed "'''about 202 pounds'''" (91 kg). While many would be quick to dismiss this solely on the basis that he eats at McDonald's regularly, at least one report shows that it can't be the sole factor, due to [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2533353/Forget-Super-Size-Me-Man-loses-37lbs-lowers-cholesterol-eating-McDonalds-three-months.html one individual actually ''losing weight'' on a pure McDonald's diet]. However, given the sheer deluge of fast/processed food Chris eats from other places, the non-existence of an exercise regimen, and the simple fact that his face is a lot fatter compared to previous photographs of him, this claim that he weighs 202 pounds is ''very'' dubious.<ref>[[January 2014 Facebook Posts]]</ref>

* October 2014 - Chris defensively told his friend Shaina that he weighed "'''around 200''' <nowiki>[91 kg]</nowiki>, give or take two or three."<ref>[[Open Relationship E-mails]]</ref>

* January 2018 - At [[MAGfest]], Chris said that he was '''"212 pounds of awesome"''' at the ''Christory of Sonichu'' panel.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/1-6-chris-at-magfest.38143/page-16#post-2931683</ref> Later, when he praised a fan who lifted him with a bear hug, Chris stated that his weight was more than 212 pounds, congratulating the fan on his strength.<ref>[[January 2018 tweets#Much love for MAGfest fans]]</ref>

* January 2019 - Chris self-consciously reported his weight at '''213 pounds''' (96 kg).<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1082809505367367680</ref> Three days later, Chris posted on Twitter data from his Aria 2 Smart Scale and Fitbit app that displayed his weight as '''209.7 pounds''' (95.1 kg) with his BMI listed as 29.4, nearly inside of the obese range.<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1083935703698935808</ref> The readout from the smart scale also displayed Chris' Percent Body Fat as 45.3%, for comparison, PBF greater than 25% is considered obese for men while greater than 32% is obese for women. Chris stated that he wants to use his [[treadmill]] to slim down to 200 and eventually 179 pounds.

* November 2021 - Chris, after three months in jail, gave his weight as '''203 pounds''' (92 kg). Presumably this is due to the relatively low quality and low amount of food available to inmates. Chris described this weight as "appropriate to my Human Form's Five Foot, Eleven Inch Height", although with a BMI of 28.3 he is still very much overweight.<ref>[[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021]]</ref>

==Health==
''Main article: [[Chris and health]]''

Obviously, all this has an adverse effect on Chris's health. Morbidly obese people are far more likely to develop diabetes, heart disease, and a number of other ailments. While it is admittedly possible to be both fat ''and'' fit at the same time, and an obese person can be very healthy in other regards (even living a long life), Chris's lifestyle, combined with ample evidence of his lack of physical prowess, means that this does not apply to him.

==Denial==
{{Quote|He's fat! Iiiiii'm thin!|Chris breaking out into chorus on [[Alec Benson Leary]]<ref>[[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal]]</ref>}}
[[Image:FattyLOL.jpg|thumb|180px|Horizontal stripes aren't exactly slimming!]]

Chris has generally been in denial about his weight. When a white knight once told him that he needed to lose some weight if he ever wanted to get a girlfriend, Chris responded by freaking out and exclaiming that he wasn't overweight.<ref>[[White knight E-mails#September 2008 .E2.80.94 Chris denies being fat and sexist]]</ref> In [[IRC]], Chris has been known to become very defensive about his weight, always making claims that he works out, when in fact he just stands up while playing ''Guitar Hero''. Chris's reaction to being called fat is precisely the same as his reaction to being called [[homos|gay]]. Unfortunately for Chris, there isn't a [[Homo#Defenses_against_becoming_homo|poster that will help him lose weight]]. He simply screams that he isn't fat, then oftentimes lies, and calls the person accusing him fat. He exhibited this behavior during an email with [[Evan]],<ref>[[Masturbating_and_squirtin%27#Transcript of Chrisreply1evan.jpg|1st email to Evan]]</ref> during his phone call with [[Father Call|Kacey's father]], and especially in his conversation with [[Kacey and Liquid Call|Kacey and Liquid Chris]], where insults about his weight triggered a screaming rage.

However, during his original rivalry with [[Liquid Chris]], Chris once finally admitted he was perhaps maybe just a little bit fat, but only because he could use this as proof that he was the ''real'' Christian Weston Chandler. A similar problem arose during the [[Asperchu]] saga, where Chris, in an attempt to prove that Asperchu was a parody of himself, was forced to admit that Asperchu's "Buddha belly" and "man boobs" are similar to his own. More specifically, he acts as though he ''used'' to have a sagging gut, even though he has, in fact, significantly gained weight since [[high school]]. He chose to focus on this aspect of Asperchu rather than admit his more embarrassing failures the series parodies. He did once admit in a [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|phone call]] with [[Jack Thaddeus]] that he was not fit.

There is also convincing evidence that [[autism|Chris has difficulty recognizing]] the human figure — [[Facial blindness|faces]] in particular. His consistent representation of himself as slender and athletic may be attributable to his having formed his self-image during high school, when he would spend hours studying his then-scrawnier self in the mirror, memorizing his looks. However, this is unlikely as Chris has probably never "spent hours studying" anything.<ref> [[Sonichu_7#Episode_16:_.22Time_Hogs.22|''Sonichu'' #7]] - "…I had to train my brain to visually remember what I looked like…"</ref>

Chris passed a kidney stone on July 9, 2017. According to the Mayo Clinic,<ref>http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/kidney-stones/symptoms-causes/dxc-20319562</ref> some causes of kidney stones include dehydration, certain diets that are rich in protein, sodium, and sugar, and being obese, which makes sense, seeing as Chris is fat, eats a lot of fast food, which is rich in sodium and sugar, and he commonly drinks soda over water, which unlike water, doesn't do well for hydration.

==In the comic==
[[File:SchuComic12-1P96.jpg|thumb|Fat Rosechu]]
Obesity in the ''Sonichu'' comic is largely limited to villains like [[Robotnik]] or the [[Jerkhief]] and comic relief like [[Sammy]], but [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]] contains a bizarre sequence in which [[Rosechu]] and [[Cera]] balloon up before later losing 200 pounds in two weeks. This was done to appeal to [[Jessica Quinn]], who had a fat fetish.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CLog_10042017_-_Q%26A_1#Question_12:_About_the_Rosechu_weight_gain</ref><ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2017_Facebook_posts#Quinn.27s_missing_out</ref>

==See also==
* [[Chris and health]]
* [[Muscle bra|Manboobs]]
* [[McDonald's]]
* [[Burger King]]
* [[List of restaurants]]

==References==
<references/>
{{Health}}
[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

Obesity

2023-08-22T00:04:48Z

Got2Hands: I don't know what pictures you guys are looking at but I was amazed at how fast he put the gut back on.

{{Honest}}
{{HealthDisclosure}}
{{quote|One more thing, [[Chris and reality|I AM NOT OVERWEIGHT!!!!!!!!!]]|Chris, lying to a [[white knight]]<ref>[[White knight emails]]</ref>}}
{{Quote|I do not feel good hearing remarks or comments that have relation to my gut.|Chris to [[Jackie]]<ref>[[Jackie Chat 6]]</ref>}}

[[File:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|[[List of Chris's edits to the CWCki#Christianchandler|Look at his "slender" figure.]]]]

'''Obesity''' is perceived to be a worldwide epidemic, especially in the [[United States of America]], with about 73.6% of adults overweight and 42.5% obese.<ref>https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/obesity-overweight.htm ''CDC FastStats - Overweight Prevalence, 2017-2018''</ref> While [[Chris]] is no longer technically in the latter category, he spent a good chunk of his adult life in it, and he remains overweight to this day.

Chris seems to be in denial about his own obesity. His denial is evidenced by the fact that he portrays himself as [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|a slim, barrel-chested hero]] in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]] and in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], when he describes himself as "fit as a fiddle". Furthermore, in his numerous dating profiles discovered by the trolls, he often lists himself as having an "athletic build" or at the very least having weight that is proportionate to his height.

Another example of this was when he created a character for his comics named [[Sammy]], whom Chris stated is based off him when he "temporary [sic] gained weight, became stupid, and went to watch television at ghost command", even though he has always been this way. Except, y'know, for the Ghost Command part. But [[Chris and reality|that's]] a whole other problem.

Further cementing his obesity, on 2 [[October 2011]], Chris's voluptuous manboobs won an award on [http://web.archive.org/web/20111003142847/http://www.manboobs.co.uk/submissions/manboob_of_the_month manboobs.co.uk].

During the [[Jail Saga]], Chris notably shed a noticeable amount of weight, thanks to getting a degree of exercise while behind bars, and more importantly, [[Chris and nutrition|his jail diet]] consisting of ostensibly healthier food than what he could get in the drive-through, along with the amount of junk food that he could consume becoming limited by his commissary funds. In [[May 2022]], Chris's mugshot taken after returning to jail from [[Western State Hospital]] shows that he visibly lost weight since his arrest in [[August 2021]] to the point where he no longer has a a double-chin. Western State Hospital, unlike Central Virginia Regional Jail, does not have a commissary where he could supplement his jail diet with junk food and soft drinks. The [[March 2023]] mugshot seen on his release from jail also made it look like he had still lost substantial weight despite being able to add empty calories to his diet again, as his jail uniform is now incredibly baggy. As of [[May 2023]] onward however, [[Post-jail sightings (2023)|Chris was spotted multiple times after leaving jail]], and said sightings indicate that he's ballooned back to his former weight or one very near it.

==Exercise==
[[File:Cwcspin.gif|thumb|left|Chris exercising.]]

Chris believes that ''standing up without moving'' is a legitimate form of exercise, and as such considers playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' a workout. During one of his [[PSN]] chats with Julie, when asked to exercise more, he replied, "I'll stand up more". It is not known how Chris came to believe that standing up is exercise, but it is most likely that Chris is simply extremely lazy and will lie to say that he works out every day, even though he just plays [[video games]]. It's possible he's picked it up from health tips that say standing burns more calories than sitting down,<ref>http://www.rd.com/living-healthy/8-ways-to-burn-calories-without-noticing/article16261.html ''Reader's Digest.'' See tip #3</ref><ref>http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/office-exercise/SM00115 ''Mayo Clinic.'' See tip #2</ref> but rather than use such tips to get the most out of an already busy lifestyle, he substitutes it for actual exercise altogether. It's also entirely possible he's in such terrible shape that the simple act of standing tires him as much as an actual workout would tire a normal human being.

[[File:Coke, Unicorn cosplay.jpg|thumb|150px|You know Chris didn't share that bottle with anyone.]]

[[Emily]] has said Chris power-walks around his neighborhood for thirty minutes and claims it's two miles (3 km), then claims to jog for two or three minutes every walk. She then went on to say Chris doesn't know how to jog — his idea of jogging is actually sprinting. It's safe to say he tries to run at "[[Sonic]] speed" for ten seconds, then resumes his leisurely waddle. This theory is confirmed in [[Sonichu's Edge]].

In [[Mailbag 21]], Chris claimed that he planned on investing in a gym membership. Judging by photographs and videos featuring his midsection from subsequent months, he either lied or wasted his money, only finally doing it [[Chris and health#Anytime Fitness|almost ten years later]].

In his [[Jail Letter - 8 November 2021 (RadioRabbit0)|letter to radiorabbit0]], he mentioned playing basketball to pass the time while awaiting court hearings.

==Diet==

Another contribution to Chris' obesity is the food he eats. Chris's [[Chris and nutrition|diet]] is appalling, consisting mainly of fast food and other unhealthy foodstuffs. While it would be acceptable if he treated himself to that stuff occasionally (like most people do), there's no question that it's a staple of his diet. The sheer amount of calories he consumes, coupled with his laziness, means that he's carrying around enough extra mass to make another person. His diet will most likely also cause problems other than obesity, and may be the cause of his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fecal leakage]].

In 2017, Chris decided that his ass wasn't fat enough, and began listening to a subliminal hypnosis track in the hopes of transferring his belly fat to his ass, as an attempt to obtain an hourglass figure.

During the [[Jail Saga]], Chris's diet consisted of the type of slop typically served in jail cafeterias, and occasionally commissary food if he'd earned it. It is unclear if Chris was a picky eater, but he shed a noticeable amount of weight during his extended stay in jail, likely due to a significant decrease in junk food available for him to consume. Post-jail sightings would see Chris quickly shedding his jailhouse physique, and by August of 2023, he would appear to be back to his normal obese state.

==Actual weight claims==
{{quote|Seriously, though, the last few times I looked on my smart scale of how much I weighed, without clothes, at above 210, I hopped off immediately without letting it sync with my Fitbit app. ALOL|Chris, January 2019<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1082811421363261441</ref>}}

[[File:Hypnosis for fatter ass.png|thumb|left|200px|Chris actually believes [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis|binaural beats]] will [[Chris and reality|magically transform]] his fat gut and ass into an hourglass figure.]]

[[File:weightovertimev2.png|thumb|500px|A graph of Chris's (reported) weight over the years.]]

[[File:Burlesque1.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris's weight in [[June 2015]].]]

Modern measurement of whether someone is overweight or obese generally employs the [[Wikipedia:Body mass index|BMI]] system, which creates an index based on the height and weight of an individual. This system is by no means perfect; the readings tend to be inaccurately high for people who are exceptionally tall, have heavily set bodies or are very muscular, because these people have more bone or muscle weight than others. However, it is a very accurate system when applied to people of average height, bone structure and muscle build – which Chris is. Additionally, the distinction between overweightness and obesity is arbitrary, with different countries using different standards. For our purposes, a BMI of 25 and above is overweight, and a BMI of 30 and above is obese, which is the standard most widely used in the United States. If Chris were a Japanese citizen, he'd be obese with even a BMI of 25.

===Chris's height===

One of the two factors required to calculate BMI is height. For most of his adult life, Chris has claimed to be 5′ 10″ (178 cm),<ref>[[The Hook Cafe#Characteristics]]</ref> which is possible, but even at this height, his BMI would have almost never been under the "overweight" bracket since he began to record it in 2000. Given how readily [[List of Chris's Lies|Chris lies to serve himself]], he may be shorter, which would render his BMI in the "obese" range. In a [[26_December_2014#Police_Scanner_Video|police scanner report]] from 2014, he was described as being 5′ 9″ (1.75 m), and his [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|custom ''Pokémon'' cards]] from 2000, 2002 and 2004 all give his "length" as 5′ 9″. As of 2021, Chris has taken to describing himself as 5′ 11″ (1.80 m),<ref>[[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021]]</ref> which is almost certainly a lie.

For the sake of simplicity, the BMI data listed below is based on a height of 5′ 10″.

===Weight claims===
* 9 May 2000 - Chris's "Christian's Christian" [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|custom Pokémon card]] gives his weight as '''185 pounds''' (80 kg).<ref>[[:File:099-CWCsCWC.jpg]]</ref> This would give him a BMI of 26.5, which is only slightly overweight.

* 25 March 2002 - Chris's "Dark Christian" [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|custom Pokémon card]] gives his weight as '''185 pounds''' (80 kg).<ref>[[:File:100-DarkCWC.jpg]]</ref>

* 2 February 2004 - Chris's "Christian Chandler" [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|custom Pokémon card]] gives his weight as '''165 pounds''' (75 kg),<ref>[[:File:098-CWCCard1.jpg]]</ref> the least he has claimed to weigh in his adult life. If this number is accurate, his BMI at the time would have been 23.7, putting him within the heavier end of the normal range and not overweight. However, since this is the first time Chris has reported his weight since the beginning of his [[Love Quest]], it is possible that he still weighed closer to 185 pounds and simply began lying about his weight to appear more attractive to the opposite sex.

* 20 July 2005 - In a [[Diary]] entry, Chris reported that his weight was '''180 pounds''' (about 80 kg),<ref>[[CWC's Diary#2005]]</ref> meaning that during that time his BMI was 25.8, which is slightly overweight.

* Fall 2009 - Chris told Kacey that his weight was somewhere between '''215 and 220 pounds''' (98–100 kg),<ref>[[Kacey Call 12]]</ref> meaning his BMI was between 30.8 and 31.6, nudging him into the obese range.

* Fall 2009 - In a later conversation with Kacey, Chris said that at a recent doctor's visit he had weighed in at '''205 pounds''' (93 kg), down from 216 the last time he had been there.<ref>[[Kacey Call 19]]</ref>

* February 2010 - Chris claimed to weigh "'''about 200 [pounds]'''" (91 kg), and also admitted to having once weighed more than 220 pounds (100 kg). Even if we interpret the words "about 200" to mean 190, his BMI at the time would still be 27.3, i.e. overweight, nearing obesity. He also claimed at this time that his goal was to get down to 180 pounds (82 kg).<ref>[[Mailbag 54#Fatty]]</ref>

* October 2010 - In the [[WeighIn|WeighIn video]], Chris claimed to weigh '''216 pounds''' (97 kg). This seems very unrealistic, given his apparent girth and food consumption. Most [[trolls|experts]] believe that Chris either offset his scale by 40 or 50 pounds, or that he did not fully stand on the scale in order to fool people into believing he's not extremely fat. It is also possible that Chris's years of inactivity had caused his muscles to deteriorate to the point that he looked like he weighed more than 250 pounds, when actually he was just 216 pounds of pure fat. Even if we assume that he indeed weighed only 216 lbs at the time, this would still put his BMI at 31, making him '''obese'''.

* April 2012 - Chris announced on Facebook that he was "going down to '''223''' <nowiki>[101 kg]</nowiki> and falling."<ref>[[April 2012 Facebook posts]]</ref>

[[File:Chris mugshot 27 March 2023.png|thumb|What Chris looked in [[March 2023]] after his jail diet.]]

* July 2013 - Chris again posted to Facebook that he was "down to '''220'''" (~100 kg).<ref>[[July 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref>

* October 2013 - Just three months later, Chris told Facebook that according to his doctor's visit he weighed '''211 pounds''' (96 kg), and had lost seven pounds since last he checked.<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref>

* January 2014 - Chris asserted on Facebook that he weighed "'''about 202 pounds'''" (91 kg). While many would be quick to dismiss this solely on the basis that he eats at McDonald's regularly, at least one report shows that it can't be the sole factor, due to [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2533353/Forget-Super-Size-Me-Man-loses-37lbs-lowers-cholesterol-eating-McDonalds-three-months.html one individual actually ''losing weight'' on a pure McDonald's diet]. However, given the sheer deluge of fast/processed food Chris eats from other places, the non-existence of an exercise regimen, and the simple fact that his face is a lot fatter compared to previous photographs of him, this claim that he weighs 202 pounds is ''very'' dubious.<ref>[[January 2014 Facebook Posts]]</ref>

* October 2014 - Chris defensively told his friend Shaina that he weighed "'''around 200''' <nowiki>[91 kg]</nowiki>, give or take two or three."<ref>[[Open Relationship E-mails]]</ref>

* January 2018 - At [[MAGfest]], Chris said that he was '''"212 pounds of awesome"''' at the ''Christory of Sonichu'' panel.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/1-6-chris-at-magfest.38143/page-16#post-2931683</ref> Later, when he praised a fan who lifted him with a bear hug, Chris stated that his weight was more than 212 pounds, congratulating the fan on his strength.<ref>[[January 2018 tweets#Much love for MAGfest fans]]</ref>

* January 2019 - Chris self-consciously reported his weight at '''213 pounds''' (96 kg).<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1082809505367367680</ref> Three days later, Chris posted on Twitter data from his Aria 2 Smart Scale and Fitbit app that displayed his weight as '''209.7 pounds''' (95.1 kg) with his BMI listed as 29.4, nearly inside of the obese range.<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1083935703698935808</ref> The readout from the smart scale also displayed Chris' Percent Body Fat as 45.3%, for comparison, PBF greater than 25% is considered obese for men while greater than 32% is obese for women. Chris stated that he wants to use his [[treadmill]] to slim down to 200 and eventually 179 pounds.

* November 2021 - Chris, after three months in jail, gave his weight as '''203 pounds''' (92 kg). Presumably this is due to the relatively low quality and low amount of food available to inmates. Chris described this weight as "appropriate to my Human Form's Five Foot, Eleven Inch Height", although with a BMI of 28.3 he is still very much overweight.<ref>[[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021]]</ref>

==Health==
''Main article: [[Chris and health]]''

Obviously, all this has an adverse effect on Chris's health. Morbidly obese people are far more likely to develop diabetes, heart disease, and a number of other ailments. While it is admittedly possible to be both fat ''and'' fit at the same time, and an obese person can be very healthy in other regards (even living a long life), Chris's lifestyle, combined with ample evidence of his lack of physical prowess, means that this does not apply to him.

==Denial==
{{Quote|He's fat! Iiiiii'm thin!|Chris breaking out into chorus on [[Alec Benson Leary]]<ref>[[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal]]</ref>}}
[[Image:FattyLOL.jpg|thumb|180px|Horizontal stripes aren't exactly slimming!]]

Chris has generally been in denial about his weight. When a white knight once told him that he needed to lose some weight if he ever wanted to get a girlfriend, Chris responded by freaking out and exclaiming that he wasn't overweight.<ref>[[White knight E-mails#September 2008 .E2.80.94 Chris denies being fat and sexist]]</ref> In [[IRC]], Chris has been known to become very defensive about his weight, always making claims that he works out, when in fact he just stands up while playing ''Guitar Hero''. Chris's reaction to being called fat is precisely the same as his reaction to being called [[homos|gay]]. Unfortunately for Chris, there isn't a [[Homo#Defenses_against_becoming_homo|poster that will help him lose weight]]. He simply screams that he isn't fat, then oftentimes lies, and calls the person accusing him fat. He exhibited this behavior during an email with [[Evan]],<ref>[[Masturbating_and_squirtin%27#Transcript of Chrisreply1evan.jpg|1st email to Evan]]</ref> during his phone call with [[Father Call|Kacey's father]], and especially in his conversation with [[Kacey and Liquid Call|Kacey and Liquid Chris]], where insults about his weight triggered a screaming rage.

However, during his original rivalry with [[Liquid Chris]], Chris once finally admitted he was perhaps maybe just a little bit fat, but only because he could use this as proof that he was the ''real'' Christian Weston Chandler. A similar problem arose during the [[Asperchu]] saga, where Chris, in an attempt to prove that Asperchu was a parody of himself, was forced to admit that Asperchu's "Buddha belly" and "man boobs" are similar to his own. More specifically, he acts as though he ''used'' to have a sagging gut, even though he has, in fact, significantly gained weight since [[high school]]. He chose to focus on this aspect of Asperchu rather than admit his more embarrassing failures the series parodies. He did once admit in a [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|phone call]] with [[Jack Thaddeus]] that he was not fit.

There is also convincing evidence that [[autism|Chris has difficulty recognizing]] the human figure — [[Facial blindness|faces]] in particular. His consistent representation of himself as slender and athletic may be attributable to his having formed his self-image during high school, when he would spend hours studying his then-scrawnier self in the mirror, memorizing his looks. However, this is unlikely as Chris has probably never "spent hours studying" anything.<ref> [[Sonichu_7#Episode_16:_.22Time_Hogs.22|''Sonichu'' #7]] - "…I had to train my brain to visually remember what I looked like…"</ref>

Chris passed a kidney stone on July 9, 2017. According to the Mayo Clinic,<ref>http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/kidney-stones/symptoms-causes/dxc-20319562</ref> some causes of kidney stones include dehydration, certain diets that are rich in protein, sodium, and sugar, and being obese, which makes sense, seeing as Chris is fat, eats a lot of fast food, which is rich in sodium and sugar, and he commonly drinks soda over water, which unlike water, doesn't do well for hydration.

==In the comic==
[[File:SchuComic12-1P96.jpg|thumb|Fat Rosechu]]
Obesity in the ''Sonichu'' comic is largely limited to villains like [[Robotnik]] or the [[Jerkhief]] and comic relief like [[Sammy]], but [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]] contains a bizarre sequence in which [[Rosechu]] and [[Cera]] balloon up before later losing 200 pounds in two weeks. This was done to appeal to [[Jessica Quinn]], who had a fat fetish.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CLog_10042017_-_Q%26A_1#Question_12:_About_the_Rosechu_weight_gain</ref><ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2017_Facebook_posts#Quinn.27s_missing_out</ref>

==See also==
* [[Chris and health]]
* [[Muscle bra|Manboobs]]
* [[McDonald's]]
* [[Burger King]]
* [[List of restaurants]]

==References==
<references/>
{{Health}}
[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

Obesity

2023-08-21T23:57:32Z

Got2Hands:

{{Honest}}
{{HealthDisclosure}}
{{quote|One more thing, [[Chris and reality|I AM NOT OVERWEIGHT!!!!!!!!!]]|Chris, lying to a [[white knight]]<ref>[[White knight emails]]</ref>}}
{{Quote|I do not feel good hearing remarks or comments that have relation to my gut.|Chris to [[Jackie]]<ref>[[Jackie Chat 6]]</ref>}}

[[File:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|[[List of Chris's edits to the CWCki#Christianchandler|Look at his "slender" figure.]]]]

'''Obesity''' is perceived to be a worldwide epidemic, especially in the [[United States of America]], with about 73.6% of adults overweight and 42.5% obese.<ref>https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/obesity-overweight.htm ''CDC FastStats - Overweight Prevalence, 2017-2018''</ref> While [[Chris]] is no longer technically in the latter category, he spent a good chunk of his adult life in it, and he remains overweight to this day.

Chris seems to be in denial about his own obesity. His denial is evidenced by the fact that he portrays himself as [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|a slim, barrel-chested hero]] in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]] and in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], when he describes himself as "fit as a fiddle". Furthermore, in his numerous dating profiles discovered by the trolls, he often lists himself as having an "athletic build" or at the very least having weight that is proportionate to his height.

Another example of this was when he created a character for his comics named [[Sammy]], whom Chris stated is based off him when he "temporary [sic] gained weight, became stupid, and went to watch television at ghost command", even though he has always been this way. Except, y'know, for the Ghost Command part. But [[Chris and reality|that's]] a whole other problem.

Further cementing his obesity, on 2 [[October 2011]], Chris's voluptuous manboobs won an award on [http://web.archive.org/web/20111003142847/http://www.manboobs.co.uk/submissions/manboob_of_the_month manboobs.co.uk].

During the [[Jail Saga]], Chris notably shed a noticeable amount of weight, thanks to getting a degree of exercise while behind bars, and more importantly, [[Chris and nutrition|his jail diet]] consisting of ostensibly healthier food than what he could get in the drive-through, along with the amount of junk food that he could consume becoming limited by his commissary funds. In [[May 2022]], Chris's mugshot taken after returning to jail from [[Western State Hospital]] shows that he visibly lost weight since his arrest in [[August 2021]] to the point where he no longer has a a double-chin. Western State Hospital, unlike Central Virginia Regional Jail, does not have a commissary where he could supplement his jail diet with junk food and soft drinks. The [[March 2023]] mugshot seen on his release from jail also made it look like he had still lost substantial weight despite being able to add empty calories to his diet again, as his jail uniform is now incredibly baggy. As of [[May 2023]] onward however, [[Post-jail sightings (2023)|Chris was spotted multiple times after leaving jail]], and said sightings indicate that he's ballooned back to his former weight or one very near it.

==Exercise==
[[File:Cwcspin.gif|thumb|left|Chris exercising.]]

Chris believes that ''standing up without moving'' is a legitimate form of exercise, and as such considers playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' a workout. During one of his [[PSN]] chats with Julie, when asked to exercise more, he replied, "I'll stand up more". It is not known how Chris came to believe that standing up is exercise, but it is most likely that Chris is simply extremely lazy and will lie to say that he works out every day, even though he just plays [[video games]]. It's possible he's picked it up from health tips that say standing burns more calories than sitting down,<ref>http://www.rd.com/living-healthy/8-ways-to-burn-calories-without-noticing/article16261.html ''Reader's Digest.'' See tip #3</ref><ref>http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/office-exercise/SM00115 ''Mayo Clinic.'' See tip #2</ref> but rather than use such tips to get the most out of an already busy lifestyle, he substitutes it for actual exercise altogether. It's also entirely possible he's in such terrible shape that the simple act of standing tires him as much as an actual workout would tire a normal human being.

[[File:Coke, Unicorn cosplay.jpg|thumb|150px|You know Chris didn't share that bottle with anyone.]]

[[Emily]] has said Chris power-walks around his neighborhood for thirty minutes and claims it's two miles (3 km), then claims to jog for two or three minutes every walk. She then went on to say Chris doesn't know how to jog — his idea of jogging is actually sprinting. It's safe to say he tries to run at "[[Sonic]] speed" for ten seconds, then resumes his leisurely waddle. This theory is confirmed in [[Sonichu's Edge]].

In [[Mailbag 21]], Chris claimed that he planned on investing in a gym membership. Judging by photographs and videos featuring his midsection from subsequent months, he either lied or wasted his money, only finally doing it [[Chris and health#Anytime Fitness|almost ten years later]].

In his [[Jail Letter - 8 November 2021 (RadioRabbit0)|letter to radiorabbit0]], he mentioned playing basketball to pass the time while awaiting court hearings.

==Diet==

Another contribution to Chris' obesity is the food he eats. Chris's [[Chris and nutrition|diet]] is appalling, consisting mainly of fast food and other unhealthy foodstuffs. While it would be acceptable if he treated himself to that stuff occasionally (like most people do), there's no question that it's a staple of his diet. The sheer amount of calories he consumes, coupled with his laziness, means that he's carrying around enough extra mass to make another person. His diet will most likely also cause problems other than obesity, and may be the cause of his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fecal leakage]].

In 2017, Chris decided that his ass wasn't fat enough, and began listening to a subliminal hypnosis track in the hopes of transferring his belly fat to his ass, as an attempt to obtain an hourglass figure.

During the [[Jail Saga]], Chris's diet consisted of the type of slop typically served in jail cafeterias, and occasionally commissary food if he'd earned it. It is unclear if Chris was a picky eater, but he shed a noticeable amount of weight during his extended stay in jail, likely due to a significant decrease in junk food available for him to consume. Chris is still overweight, although he seems to be thinner coming out of jail than he's been for decades.

==Actual weight claims==
{{quote|Seriously, though, the last few times I looked on my smart scale of how much I weighed, without clothes, at above 210, I hopped off immediately without letting it sync with my Fitbit app. ALOL|Chris, January 2019<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1082811421363261441</ref>}}

[[File:Hypnosis for fatter ass.png|thumb|left|200px|Chris actually believes [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis|binaural beats]] will [[Chris and reality|magically transform]] his fat gut and ass into an hourglass figure.]]

[[File:weightovertimev2.png|thumb|500px|A graph of Chris's (reported) weight over the years.]]

[[File:Burlesque1.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris's weight in [[June 2015]].]]

Modern measurement of whether someone is overweight or obese generally employs the [[Wikipedia:Body mass index|BMI]] system, which creates an index based on the height and weight of an individual. This system is by no means perfect; the readings tend to be inaccurately high for people who are exceptionally tall, have heavily set bodies or are very muscular, because these people have more bone or muscle weight than others. However, it is a very accurate system when applied to people of average height, bone structure and muscle build – which Chris is. Additionally, the distinction between overweightness and obesity is arbitrary, with different countries using different standards. For our purposes, a BMI of 25 and above is overweight, and a BMI of 30 and above is obese, which is the standard most widely used in the United States. If Chris were a Japanese citizen, he'd be obese with even a BMI of 25.

===Chris's height===

One of the two factors required to calculate BMI is height. For most of his adult life, Chris has claimed to be 5′ 10″ (178 cm),<ref>[[The Hook Cafe#Characteristics]]</ref> which is possible, but even at this height, his BMI would have almost never been under the "overweight" bracket since he began to record it in 2000. Given how readily [[List of Chris's Lies|Chris lies to serve himself]], he may be shorter, which would render his BMI in the "obese" range. In a [[26_December_2014#Police_Scanner_Video|police scanner report]] from 2014, he was described as being 5′ 9″ (1.75 m), and his [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|custom ''Pokémon'' cards]] from 2000, 2002 and 2004 all give his "length" as 5′ 9″. As of 2021, Chris has taken to describing himself as 5′ 11″ (1.80 m),<ref>[[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021]]</ref> which is almost certainly a lie.

For the sake of simplicity, the BMI data listed below is based on a height of 5′ 10″.

===Weight claims===
* 9 May 2000 - Chris's "Christian's Christian" [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|custom Pokémon card]] gives his weight as '''185 pounds''' (80 kg).<ref>[[:File:099-CWCsCWC.jpg]]</ref> This would give him a BMI of 26.5, which is only slightly overweight.

* 25 March 2002 - Chris's "Dark Christian" [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|custom Pokémon card]] gives his weight as '''185 pounds''' (80 kg).<ref>[[:File:100-DarkCWC.jpg]]</ref>

* 2 February 2004 - Chris's "Christian Chandler" [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|custom Pokémon card]] gives his weight as '''165 pounds''' (75 kg),<ref>[[:File:098-CWCCard1.jpg]]</ref> the least he has claimed to weigh in his adult life. If this number is accurate, his BMI at the time would have been 23.7, putting him within the heavier end of the normal range and not overweight. However, since this is the first time Chris has reported his weight since the beginning of his [[Love Quest]], it is possible that he still weighed closer to 185 pounds and simply began lying about his weight to appear more attractive to the opposite sex.

* 20 July 2005 - In a [[Diary]] entry, Chris reported that his weight was '''180 pounds''' (about 80 kg),<ref>[[CWC's Diary#2005]]</ref> meaning that during that time his BMI was 25.8, which is slightly overweight.

* Fall 2009 - Chris told Kacey that his weight was somewhere between '''215 and 220 pounds''' (98–100 kg),<ref>[[Kacey Call 12]]</ref> meaning his BMI was between 30.8 and 31.6, nudging him into the obese range.

* Fall 2009 - In a later conversation with Kacey, Chris said that at a recent doctor's visit he had weighed in at '''205 pounds''' (93 kg), down from 216 the last time he had been there.<ref>[[Kacey Call 19]]</ref>

* February 2010 - Chris claimed to weigh "'''about 200 [pounds]'''" (91 kg), and also admitted to having once weighed more than 220 pounds (100 kg). Even if we interpret the words "about 200" to mean 190, his BMI at the time would still be 27.3, i.e. overweight, nearing obesity. He also claimed at this time that his goal was to get down to 180 pounds (82 kg).<ref>[[Mailbag 54#Fatty]]</ref>

* October 2010 - In the [[WeighIn|WeighIn video]], Chris claimed to weigh '''216 pounds''' (97 kg). This seems very unrealistic, given his apparent girth and food consumption. Most [[trolls|experts]] believe that Chris either offset his scale by 40 or 50 pounds, or that he did not fully stand on the scale in order to fool people into believing he's not extremely fat. It is also possible that Chris's years of inactivity had caused his muscles to deteriorate to the point that he looked like he weighed more than 250 pounds, when actually he was just 216 pounds of pure fat. Even if we assume that he indeed weighed only 216 lbs at the time, this would still put his BMI at 31, making him '''obese'''.

* April 2012 - Chris announced on Facebook that he was "going down to '''223''' <nowiki>[101 kg]</nowiki> and falling."<ref>[[April 2012 Facebook posts]]</ref>

[[File:Chris mugshot 27 March 2023.png|thumb|What Chris looked in [[March 2023]] after his jail diet.]]

* July 2013 - Chris again posted to Facebook that he was "down to '''220'''" (~100 kg).<ref>[[July 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref>

* October 2013 - Just three months later, Chris told Facebook that according to his doctor's visit he weighed '''211 pounds''' (96 kg), and had lost seven pounds since last he checked.<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref>

* January 2014 - Chris asserted on Facebook that he weighed "'''about 202 pounds'''" (91 kg). While many would be quick to dismiss this solely on the basis that he eats at McDonald's regularly, at least one report shows that it can't be the sole factor, due to [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2533353/Forget-Super-Size-Me-Man-loses-37lbs-lowers-cholesterol-eating-McDonalds-three-months.html one individual actually ''losing weight'' on a pure McDonald's diet]. However, given the sheer deluge of fast/processed food Chris eats from other places, the non-existence of an exercise regimen, and the simple fact that his face is a lot fatter compared to previous photographs of him, this claim that he weighs 202 pounds is ''very'' dubious.<ref>[[January 2014 Facebook Posts]]</ref>

* October 2014 - Chris defensively told his friend Shaina that he weighed "'''around 200''' <nowiki>[91 kg]</nowiki>, give or take two or three."<ref>[[Open Relationship E-mails]]</ref>

* January 2018 - At [[MAGfest]], Chris said that he was '''"212 pounds of awesome"''' at the ''Christory of Sonichu'' panel.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/1-6-chris-at-magfest.38143/page-16#post-2931683</ref> Later, when he praised a fan who lifted him with a bear hug, Chris stated that his weight was more than 212 pounds, congratulating the fan on his strength.<ref>[[January 2018 tweets#Much love for MAGfest fans]]</ref>

* January 2019 - Chris self-consciously reported his weight at '''213 pounds''' (96 kg).<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1082809505367367680</ref> Three days later, Chris posted on Twitter data from his Aria 2 Smart Scale and Fitbit app that displayed his weight as '''209.7 pounds''' (95.1 kg) with his BMI listed as 29.4, nearly inside of the obese range.<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1083935703698935808</ref> The readout from the smart scale also displayed Chris' Percent Body Fat as 45.3%, for comparison, PBF greater than 25% is considered obese for men while greater than 32% is obese for women. Chris stated that he wants to use his [[treadmill]] to slim down to 200 and eventually 179 pounds.

* November 2021 - Chris, after three months in jail, gave his weight as '''203 pounds''' (92 kg). Presumably this is due to the relatively low quality and low amount of food available to inmates. Chris described this weight as "appropriate to my Human Form's Five Foot, Eleven Inch Height", although with a BMI of 28.3 he is still very much overweight.<ref>[[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021]]</ref>

==Health==
''Main article: [[Chris and health]]''

Obviously, all this has an adverse effect on Chris's health. Morbidly obese people are far more likely to develop diabetes, heart disease, and a number of other ailments. While it is admittedly possible to be both fat ''and'' fit at the same time, and an obese person can be very healthy in other regards (even living a long life), Chris's lifestyle, combined with ample evidence of his lack of physical prowess, means that this does not apply to him.

==Denial==
{{Quote|He's fat! Iiiiii'm thin!|Chris breaking out into chorus on [[Alec Benson Leary]]<ref>[[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal]]</ref>}}
[[Image:FattyLOL.jpg|thumb|180px|Horizontal stripes aren't exactly slimming!]]

Chris has generally been in denial about his weight. When a white knight once told him that he needed to lose some weight if he ever wanted to get a girlfriend, Chris responded by freaking out and exclaiming that he wasn't overweight.<ref>[[White knight E-mails#September 2008 .E2.80.94 Chris denies being fat and sexist]]</ref> In [[IRC]], Chris has been known to become very defensive about his weight, always making claims that he works out, when in fact he just stands up while playing ''Guitar Hero''. Chris's reaction to being called fat is precisely the same as his reaction to being called [[homos|gay]]. Unfortunately for Chris, there isn't a [[Homo#Defenses_against_becoming_homo|poster that will help him lose weight]]. He simply screams that he isn't fat, then oftentimes lies, and calls the person accusing him fat. He exhibited this behavior during an email with [[Evan]],<ref>[[Masturbating_and_squirtin%27#Transcript of Chrisreply1evan.jpg|1st email to Evan]]</ref> during his phone call with [[Father Call|Kacey's father]], and especially in his conversation with [[Kacey and Liquid Call|Kacey and Liquid Chris]], where insults about his weight triggered a screaming rage.

However, during his original rivalry with [[Liquid Chris]], Chris once finally admitted he was perhaps maybe just a little bit fat, but only because he could use this as proof that he was the ''real'' Christian Weston Chandler. A similar problem arose during the [[Asperchu]] saga, where Chris, in an attempt to prove that Asperchu was a parody of himself, was forced to admit that Asperchu's "Buddha belly" and "man boobs" are similar to his own. More specifically, he acts as though he ''used'' to have a sagging gut, even though he has, in fact, significantly gained weight since [[high school]]. He chose to focus on this aspect of Asperchu rather than admit his more embarrassing failures the series parodies. He did once admit in a [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|phone call]] with [[Jack Thaddeus]] that he was not fit.

There is also convincing evidence that [[autism|Chris has difficulty recognizing]] the human figure — [[Facial blindness|faces]] in particular. His consistent representation of himself as slender and athletic may be attributable to his having formed his self-image during high school, when he would spend hours studying his then-scrawnier self in the mirror, memorizing his looks. However, this is unlikely as Chris has probably never "spent hours studying" anything.<ref> [[Sonichu_7#Episode_16:_.22Time_Hogs.22|''Sonichu'' #7]] - "…I had to train my brain to visually remember what I looked like…"</ref>

Chris passed a kidney stone on July 9, 2017. According to the Mayo Clinic,<ref>http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/kidney-stones/symptoms-causes/dxc-20319562</ref> some causes of kidney stones include dehydration, certain diets that are rich in protein, sodium, and sugar, and being obese, which makes sense, seeing as Chris is fat, eats a lot of fast food, which is rich in sodium and sugar, and he commonly drinks soda over water, which unlike water, doesn't do well for hydration.

==In the comic==
[[File:SchuComic12-1P96.jpg|thumb|Fat Rosechu]]
Obesity in the ''Sonichu'' comic is largely limited to villains like [[Robotnik]] or the [[Jerkhief]] and comic relief like [[Sammy]], but [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]] contains a bizarre sequence in which [[Rosechu]] and [[Cera]] balloon up before later losing 200 pounds in two weeks. This was done to appeal to [[Jessica Quinn]], who had a fat fetish.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CLog_10042017_-_Q%26A_1#Question_12:_About_the_Rosechu_weight_gain</ref><ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2017_Facebook_posts#Quinn.27s_missing_out</ref>

==See also==
* [[Chris and health]]
* [[Muscle bra|Manboobs]]
* [[McDonald's]]
* [[Burger King]]
* [[List of restaurants]]

==References==
<references/>
{{Health}}
[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

Adam Stackhouse

2023-08-18T07:35:30Z

Got2Hands:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|<nowiki>*</nowiki>The EX-Winner, Adam Stackhouse, was DISQUALIFIED on the grounds of violating the Official Rules on TWO COUNTS:
-He Had Licensed BeatBox Music playing from a licensed BoomBox.
 -He Had his SISTER [[Chris_and_the_law|ILLEGALLY]] in the video without authorized consent.|Chris's version of the rules}}

{{Infobox Person
| name = Adam Stackhouse
| image = AdamStackhouse.jpg
| title = Adam Stackhouse
| nationality = [[United States|American]]
| race = White
| gender = Male
| occupation = Filmmaker
| saga = {{saga|stackhouse|cn}}
}}

'''Adam Stackhouse''' was the winner of the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]] ''[[PaRappa the Rapper]]'' [[Chris and contests|contest]]. [[Chris]] felt that he should have won instead, and thus harbored a grudge against him.

In order to win, Chris orchestrated a mass spamming of votes via dummy sockpuppet accounts, so that he would not only win a [[PSP]] for his then love interest [[Megan Schroeder]], but also claim the prize of an all-expenses-paid trip for two to the [[2007]] [[Wikipedia:Penny Arcade Expo|Penny Arcade Expo]]. He had hoped to bring Megan on the trip and eventually make love to her in their shared hotel room, losing his "[[virgin with rage]]" moniker once and for all. As a result, Adam had inadvertently cock-blocked Chris, by simply being more talented.

In a huge display of [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]], Christian wanted to get back at Adam for supposedly cheating, as he used more than one person in his video (in a rather nice display of family, Stackhouse's little sister has a role, which Chris believed was illegal, even though Adam does all the singing) and used music in the background (which didn't count as it was [[Wikipedia:beatboxing|beatboxing]], even though Chris believed it was a [[Wikipedia:Boombox|boombox]]). Chris ignored the fact that he himself had cheated by registering many fake accounts to vote for himself, and also attempted to blackmail his [[Cole Smithey|half-brother]] into voting for him as well.

Chris was so angry about the outcome of the contest that he created a fake webpage proclaiming himself the victor.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20071108233910/http://members.aol.com/CWCSonichu/EPPromotions283.html</ref> He also created [[CWC is Angry|a creepy video]] in which he repeatedly shot a photo of Adam and his sister in silence with a [[Megatron pistol|toy gun]].

Adam Stackhouse is the complete opposite of Chris. Evidence to prove this is the fact that he graduated as a [[Honor roll|valedictorian]] of his graduating class in [[Piedmont_Virginia_Community_College|college]].<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20100701123021/http://web.wm.edu/news/archive/index.php?id=3657</ref> He also owns his own production company, AVAdventure.<ref>http://theavadventure.com/</ref>

==The Original Version==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|xh6BtPs-KNk}}</center>

==Adam's entry==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|lA84b9eCyZA}}</center>

{{quote|Number 2: From adamstackhouse; Video1: It's okay, if you like someone making the music in the background. It took away pops from the rappin of the two cooks. And adding seafood like in the song to the cake... are you kidding? They should have done it without the noise; it's in da rules. A petite comical moment comes around with an empty plate for no sample and turning off the [[TV]] after "thinking about it". I give it 4/5 Stars for moderate effort.|Chris in [[PSN Blogs]] in July 2007}}

==Chris's opinion of Adam==

{{quote|My previously submitted PaRapper the Rapper "Master Onion A-La Mode" Video is among the TOP TEN to win the GRAND PRIZE. 
AAARRRGGGHHH!!! That stupid, no-good ADAM STACKHOUSE won the trip!!! He had MUSIC and MORE THAN ONE PERSON IN HIS VIDEO, which were in VIOLATION OF THE OFFICIAL RULES!!!!!! Three other videos out of the remaining nine: APRELEWSKY, BRUDELL AND SURYABUCHWALD, ALL VIOLATED THE OFFICIAL RULES AS WELL! THOSE SEVEN PEOPLE OF THOSE FOUR VIDEOS SHOULD HAVE BEEN DISQUALIFIED, PERIOD!!!! I am sooooooooooooooooooo [[Chris and anger|ANGRY]] of the fact that the [[Sony|Playstation company]] and their Promotional Associates WILL NOT DO ANYTHING TO BRING THOSE VIOLATORS TO JUSTICE!!!! Go to http://www.us.playstation.com/, and register the complaint, in addition to my own, through their "Contact Us" link. So that SWORN ON MY [[autism|AUTISM]], JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED TO THE SEVEN PEOPLE OF THOSE FOUR VIDEOS!!!!|Chris on Adam Stackhouse<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20070830114517/http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm</ref>}}

He also thought Adam was cheating because he thought Adam's beatboxing counted as background music, even though beatboxing is music made with the voice and is therefore [[Wikipedia:A cappella|a cappella]]. Naturally, Chris ignored the fact that [[Chris and hypocrisy|he cheated himself]] by bombarding Sony with fake accounts in order to win.

In a [[PlayStation Network]] post from 4 August 2007, Chris goes into detail about his feelings on Adam Stackhouse:

{{quote|This is directed mostly to Adam Stackhouse; the S.O.B. who was the Alphabetically First Video in the PaRappa Contest and got WRONGFULLY the big prize. This [[JERKS|JERK's]] Video WAS AGAINST The NO MUSIC RULE!!!! His, Suryabuchwald and Aprelewsky's VIDEO ALL SHOULD HAVE BEEN DISQUALIFIED because they ALL HAD MUSIC!!!!

In any case, I LOATHE Adam and his Sister for STEALING my one chance at taking my Sweet Gal-Friend to Seattle; it would have been terriffic. I might have even been able to change her outlook on not planning on having children (she and I are both virgins; although I am a FRUSTRATED, [[Autism|High-Functionally AUTISTIC]], 25-YEAR OLD [[Virgin with rage|VIRGIN]]. And I LOATHE Surybuchwald and Aprelewsky as well, because their MUSIC probably landed those [[JERKS]] in 2nd and 3rd.

I don't have much going on for me really, because I have been the dog in America's favorite game, "[[Kick the Autistic|KICK THE AUTISTIC]]" for my whole life.

I curse those seven people (between the cast of the three illegal videos) to [[Death threats|DIE and BURN]]!

As for Adam, if he is reading this and is asking, "You've got something to say to me?" I do, P.S. F*** You, you Dream Smashing Son of a B****!|Chris in PSN Blogs in August 2007}}

==Adam's opinion of Chris==

[[File:Chris and Adam Stackhouse, MAGfest 2018.png|Together at peace...|thumb|200px]]

Adam's initial reaction to Chris was to threaten legal action against him for harassment<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lA84b9eCyZA&lc=UgwnnzQGxEqx0wQRBep4AaABAg</ref>, but later relented after probably realizing it would not be worth pursuing.

{{quotebox|No remorse... I mean, I didn't even know the wonders of CWC until a year after the contest... I noticed a string of comments about his entry at that point coming from [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|his ED page]] (at that time there was a longer passage on [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|the Parappa contest]], before he really went off the deep end). That's when I discovered the apology video, where he retracted the threats on my sister and I. I've always wanted to see [[CWC is Angry|the lost video]] where he calls me "no-good" and repeated shoots a picture of me...

I've been following the whole thing since I discovered it about six months ago, thanks to CWC's [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008|Sept 24 2008]] update video... and yeah, it was pretty shocking and bizarre as I slowly put the pieces together..."<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20130408113141/http://www.youtube.com/all_comments?v=lA84b9eCyZA From YouTube comments, user 1693productions]</ref>|}}

==Adam revisited==

A decade after the Chop Chop Master Onion Rap contest, Adam attended [[MAGfest]] in 2018, even attending a panel dedicated to Chris, which was originally meant to be more scathing but ended up being a bizarrely wholesome experience where Chris somehow became the guest of honor. Adam and Chris even posed for a selfie with each other - Chris's interactions with him at the event showed that he no longer holds his animosity towards him, and the two have finally made peace with each other.

==See also==
*[[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]]
*[[CWC is Angry]]
*''[[PaRappa the Rapper]]''

==References==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://theavadventure.com/ AVAdventure Productions], Adam Stackhouse's production company
{{StackhouseSaga}}
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Stackhouse, Adam}}
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

Kiwi Farms

2023-07-29T02:52:51Z

Got2Hands:

:''This article is about the Kiwi Farms message board. For the original forum it expanded on and replaced, see [[CWCki Forums]]. For the Kiwi Farms splinter forum, see [[CWCki Club]].
[[File:JailArt9-13-22.jpeg|thumb|Chris comments on the 'fall' of Kiwi Farms in September 2022]]
{{quote|THANKS A LOT YOU GOD DAMNED BUNCH OF BASTARDOUS CHILDREN!!! Her Life Is Ruined!!! And It was My Fault for TRYING TO MAKE PEACE WITH YOU LOT!!! I Really Wish I Never Created THIS New Account and Tried to Reach Out!!!|[[Chris]], posting on Kiwi Farms<ref name="curse">[[Kiwi Farms posts (LegendaryChristorian)#I CURSE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU ALL!!! To Hell, Back, Hell, Back, and Hell Again!!!]]</ref>}}

After existing in various iterations as a [[Chris]]-focused message board, the [[CWCki Forums]] was consolidated in [[February 2015]] by [[Null|Joshua "Null" Moon]] into the '''Kiwi Farms''', a forum which focuses on lolcows (people and groups whose eccentric or foolish behavior can be "milked" for amusement and laughs) in general and not just Chris. The new name came from [[speech impediment|the way several lolcows mispronounced "CWCki Forums"]].

For reasons unrelated to Chris, the forum has become extremely controversial in recent years and is frequently down due to [[wikipedia:Denial-of-service attack|DDoS]] attacks. As of [[June 2023]], it has been on and off the [[wikipedia:Clearnet (networking)|Clearnet]] and between different domain names, but remains consistently accessible via [[wikipedia:Tor (network)|Tor]].

==Chris's forum account==
[[File:CWC Kiwi Farms avatar.jpg|thumb|Chris's forum avatar.]]
On 4 October 2017, a user going by the name "LegendaryChristorian" began a thread on the Christian Weston Chandler board on the forum. While a few speculated about it being a [[ween]], [[Null]], the head admin, quickly confirmed that it was indeed Chris.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Null)#Confirming LegendaryChristorian]]</ref> Under this account, Chris received questions to which he responded in a [[CLog 10042017 - Q&A 1‎‎|livestreamed Q&A video]].

His motivation for joining and holding the Q&A was to reach out to trolls and try to satiate their curiosity about his life by answering their questions, in the hopes that they wouldn't bother [[Jessica Quinn]].<ref>[[Misc texts#Desiree Delightful]]</ref> However, since Quinn was herself a troll, the interaction with the Farms instead proved instrumental in her breaking up with Chris on 5 October, after which he made a final, angry post on the forum before cursing it in [[CLog 10042017 - Q&A NO MORE|another video]].
===Posts===
{{main|Kiwi Farms posts (LegendaryChristorian)}}

===DMs===
On 16 [[July 2020]], Chris logged into his Kiwi Farms account and had a conversation with [[Null]]. Chris, wanting to role-play, rambled for paragraphs on being possessed by Sonichu, lore involving [[Jacob Sockness]], and the [[Iron Curtain]]. Null replied that he would not be playing along with the game.<ref>[[Null DMs#Chris wants to role-play]]</ref>

===Lurking===
{{quote|Chris doesn't read your posts|A somewhat inaccurate line from the forum guidelines.}}
[[File:CWC - Kiwi Farms login 26 Dec 2020.png|thumb|200px|Chris logging in to view a thread in December 2020.]]
Much like with the [[CWCki Forums]], Chris has occasionally been known to lurk on Kiwi Farms. In 2015, after posting some photos to Facebook showing what he believed to be progress on his gender transition, Chris viewed the forum thread on it and was elated when a user commented "he looks like a D cup now".<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#Chris Takes Hormones]]</ref>

In August 2017, Chris, feeling refreshed after his trip to [[BronyCon]], browsed the thread on it. On Facebook, he made a few posts responding to commentary and thanking users for featuring his photos.<ref>[[August 2017 Facebook posts#Good joke]]</ref> In the same month, he referred to the Random Chris Updates thread to help prove a ween was trying to impersonate [[DoopieDoOver|Doopie]].<ref>[[August 2017 tweets#Outsmarted a ween, with help of Kiwi Farms]]</ref>

In October 2017, Chris stated that he believed [[Jessica Quinn]] was not a troll because conversations between them hadn't been leaked, and he specified that he had not seen any such leaks on the Farms.<ref>[[Jessica Quinn#Not quite over her]]</ref>

On 4 [[December 2020]], Chris logged in to search for ''[[SNT Vs Sonichu]]'' fanfic writer [[Opuscon789]]'s posts and read them, since he had been harboring a grudge against Opuscon789 over the direction of the fanfic. Chris also tried to see if [[ProjectSNT]], an artist he was obsessing over, had a Kiwi Farms account but found she did not.<ref>[[The Place chats - ProjectSNT#Browsing Kiwi Farms]]</ref>

On 26 December 2020, Chris logged in to view a thread on Kiwi Farms member blank's fancomic ''The Real Sonichu'', at [[Naught]]'s recommendation.<ref>[[The Place chats (December 2020)#The Real Sonichu Fancomic]]</ref>

===Forum ratings===
[[File:Chris rating doopie's posts.png |thumb]]

Chris rated several of [[DoopieDoOver]]'s posts from the end of the [[Jessica Quinn]] saga, the only ones he has rated so far.

*Like

{{quoteboxgreen|at least that would be more interesting than this god damned shitfest<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/sorry-ill-take-you-back-10-06-2017.34971/page-12#post-2657767</ref>}}

*Like

{{quoteboxgreen|I know I said I wouldn't come back and post, but this whole saga is really upsetting me. While I don't agree with a lot of the trolling and fucking with him for the lulz, this is going too far. Even if it's supposed to be a "troll", this is pretty fucked up and it hurts to watch. I can't stand to see someone with a disability be emotionally abused and manipulated like this. [[Jessica Quinn|She]]'s not even a funny troll. She could have at least gone on the date they planned, but she dipped out because she's a pussy.

I actually really feel bad for Chris.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/posts/2657755/</ref>}}

*Optimistic

{{quoteboxgreen|At this point, do you really think he's capable of growing and learning?<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/sorry-ill-take-you-back-10-06-2017.34971/page-12#post-2657780</ref>}}

==See also==
* [[CLog 10042017 - Q&A NO MORE]]
* [[CWCki Club]]
* [[CWCki Forums]]
* [[Guard Dogs]]
* [[Null]]

{{references}}

==External links==

*[https://kiwifarms.net/forums/christian-weston-chandler.18/ The Chris subforum on the Kiwi Farms (currently down)]
*[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiwi_Farms Wikipedia article about the Kiwi Farms]

{{The Internet}}

[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

[[Category: Websites]]

Clover and Snoopy

2023-03-19T08:55:46Z

Got2Hands:

{{infobox
| title = Clover and Snoopy
| image = [[File:Clover and snoopy.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Names
|data1 = Clover Snoopy
|label2 = Nicknames
|data2 = Snoopy-Doo (Snoopy)
|label3 = Date of birth
|data3 = [[March 2012]]
|label4 = Date of death
|data4 = 15 [[July 2021]] (Snoopy)
|label5 = Gender
|data5 = Female (Clover) Male (Snoopy)
|label6 = Breed
|data6 = {{w|Beagle}}
|label7 = Owners
|data7 = [[Barbara]] [[Chris]]
}}

'''Clover''' (b. circa [[March 2012]]<ref>According to their [https://web.archive.org/web/20201210124928/http://charlottesvilleradiogroup.upickem.net/engine/Details.aspx?p=A&c=64810&s=22437342&i=1&sort=DESCENDING#SD entry], they were three months old when Chris entered them into the contest. Since registration to the contest began on 16 [[July 2012]] (see [https://web.archive.org/web/20201210125245/http://charlottesvilleradiogroup.upickem.net/engine/Rules.aspx?contestid=64810 contest rules]) and they were registered no later than 1 [[August 2012|August]], this would mean they were born sometime between March and May. Chris has stated that Snoopy was born in March, meaning that Clover could have been born at or around the same time.</ref>) is the Chandlers' beagle. '''Snoopy''' (March 2012 - 15 July 2021) was her brother.<ref name=snoopydeath>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/snoopy-has-died.95170/</ref><ref name=eulogy>[[July 2021 social media posts#Eulogy for Snoopy]]</ref> The Chandlers bought them at a puppy mill in [[wikipedia:Fredericksburg, Virginia|Fredericksburg]] on 13 [[May 2012]].

The idea of getting beagles was originally Barbara's idea, and Chris eventually acquiesced. The CWC community learned of their existence on 1 [[August 2012]], when a link to an [https://web.archive.org/web/20201210124928/http://charlottesvilleradiogroup.upickem.net/engine/Details.aspx?p=A&c=64810&s=22437342&i=1&sort=DESCENDING#SD entry of them] Chris submitted to a [[Chris and contests#Dog Days of Summer Photo Contest|local contest]] was posted on the [[CWCki Forums]]; Chris didn't win the contest.

According to one of Chris's Facebook posts, the dogs are siblings. Clover, Chris's dog, has a white mark on her snout, and Snoopy didn't. Clover has a pink collar, and Snoopy had a green collar. Additionally, they each have an animal chew toy - Clover has a [[duck]] and Snoopy had a [[Megagi La Skunk|skunk]]. Barbara claimed in the [[Rental House Tour]] audio that the dogs were part fox, though this is incredibly unlikely – no authenticated hybrids between domestic dogs and foxes exist.

Snoopy, who officially belonged to Barbara, was named after the dog from ''[[Peanuts]]'', who was also a beagle. Even though Snoopy was her dog, Chris was listed as the person responsible for not getting proper checks and licenses for both dogs, according to legal records from 2016.

Clover is named after the character from the show ''[[My Little Pony]] Tales''.<ref>[[Catie Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>

==Poor Living Conditions and Neglect==
{{quote|It’s, it’s awfully inconvenient to take them outside and have to pick it up. I’d rather have it inside, to pick it up. I’m 72 years old, and I don’t...|Barbara on why the dogs relieve themselves inside the house.<ref name=rht>[[Rental House Tour]]</ref>}}

[[File:A few seconds of Barb dancing.png|In the background is one of the newspaper spots where the Chandler dogs relieve themselves. Pictured in April 2018, in the doorway of the [[kitchen]].|thumb|200px]]

On 6 [[August 2013]], Chris posted on Facebook a picture of dog urine on a newspaper.<ref>[[August 2013 Facebook Posts#One_of_my_pups_just_peed]]</ref> In [[December 2014]], a statement released by [[Catherine]] (who manipulated Chris into inviting her to the Chandler's [[Rental House]]) confirmed that the dogs are not house-trained, are aggressive towards strangers, and are severely [[obese]]. This was especially apparent in a series of photos released in [[November 2015]]. The dogs were still relieving themselves on newspaper in April 2018, evidenced when Chris filmed a paid request video which showed a newspaper with dog shit on it in the background.<ref>[[April 2018 Paid Video Requests#A few seconds of Barb dancing]]</ref>

In the [[Rental House Tour]], Barbara can be heard attempting to justify her gross neglect of the dogs by complaining about how she's too old to take them out to relieve themselves (despite having only gotten the dogs two years prior). A hole in the fence in the backyard, which the Chandlers never bothered to fix, also may have contributed to Barbara's decision to let their dogs piss and shit on the newspapers within the home.

When Chris reflected on Snoopy's life, he noted that he'd regularly sleep on the couch with the puppies until January 2014. They also would regularly play in a "mountain of clothes" from Barbara's hoard from which Snoopy fell and injured his left back leg, an injury which he would never fully recover from, making it difficult to traverse stairs. Chris also admitted that he and Barbara could have walked the dogs more often, using Snoopy's leg condition as an excuse for why they had not.<ref name=eulogy></ref>

[[File:Snoopy, 7 December 2018.jpg|An overweight Snoopy, pictured in December 2018. Note the premature greying around his chin, which is sometimes taken as a sign of living in an uncomfortable and [[Chris and stress|stressful]] environment, and the overly-long nails.|thumb|left|200px]]

When faced with a situation where he wanted to go on a date, but Barbara was not home to watch the dogs, Chris's proposed solution was to take the dogs with him, then leave them in the car, though Barbara turned up last minute and was able to watch the dogs.<ref>[[Catherine#The bowling outing]]</ref> Catherine also stated that the dogs are so terribly taken care of that they can't even be left at home by themselves without destroying all the furniture.

Chris also mentioned to Catherine that he has fed the dogs chicken noodle soup,<ref name=rht></ref> which can cause sodium ion poisoning if fed from canned soup with high sodium amounts.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20201210125623/https://canigivemydog.com/chicken-noodle-soup</ref>

In the [[Rental House Tour]], Chris is heard cooing and babbling over the dogs.

In [[August 2016]], even though Barbara and Chris both look after the dogs, only Chris was slapped with two (more) misdemeanors on his record, as a result of the Chandlers failing to acquire proper licenses and rabies checks for the dogs, marking the first time the authorities have gotten involved because of the Chandlers' neglect of their pets.

<center><gallery>
File:Dogcourtcase2.png|Chris fined - No county dog tag 2
File:Dogcourtcase1.png|Chris fined - No rabies certificate 2
</gallery></center>

[[File:Clover, 7 December 2018.jpg|Clover, also overweight and pictured in December 2018.|thumb|left|200px]]

In 2020, Clover and Snoopy were both heard barking loudly and getting overexcited when pizza deliveries summoned by [[weens]] appeared at the door while [[Live Reading of SNT Vs Sonichu, Part 2|Chris tried reading fanfiction in a livestream]]. Chris notably yelled "SHUT UP!" at them with a noticeable degree of venom in his voice, before they whimpered and presumably recoiled in fear. Due to happening offscreen, it's unclear if Chris did anything besides scream at his pets to prompt that response, although [[The Chris Chan Conspiracy|later footage of the dogs]] indicate that this kind of whimpering happens when they're approached in general, as Chris was shown speaking in a high-pitched "cute" voice when inviting some guests in.

==Stealing a Neighbor's Dog==
According to [[Kim Wilson]], Barbara and Chris once tried to steal a neighbor's dog which had been wandering loose. They eventually gave it back when its owner showed up at their door.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/newold-content-part-2.23995/page-27#post-1759719</ref>

{{quotebox|I don't think I have emails regarding that, but if anyone needs the rundown...a neighbor's dog slipped out of their collar while tied up outside and went wandering around the neighborhood. I'm assuming it was more Barb's idea, but she decided she wanted to keep it so instead of doing the right thing and asking around first. They bought it a collar and a couple of other supplies. Lo and behold, the neighbor goes looking for their dog and winds up at the Chandler's. From what I remember, they put up a fight to keep the dog and blamed the neighbor for being irresponsible. Basically, finders keepers. Neighbor still got their dog back. But Chris couldn't comprehend why it was wrong for them to try and keep the dog. I wonder if this is (part) of the reason they keep their own dogs locked up inside, a fear of repercussion from trying to steal someone else's dog.}}

==Snoopy's Death==
Snoopy passed away in July 2021 in his sleep,<ref name=snoopydeath></ref> at nine years of age; not young, but still shy of a small breed's usual lifespan of 12-15 years. Shortly after his demise, Chris took to social media to offer a eulogy, not unlike the one he gave [[Patti Chandler]] so many years ago, recalling when he and Barbara had acquired Snoopy and Clover and memories of Snoopy, describing Snoopy as caring, understanding and smart. Chris explained that he and a neighbor buried the dog by a tree, making a stone mound around where the body lay as a marker for the pooch and that he was saddened by the dog's death.

Chris resorted to his usual [[Chris and coping|coping mechanism]] of the [[Dimensional Merge]] to help him deal with Snoopy's death, which he mentioned in the eulogy as well. He believes that Snoopy was aware of the Merge and imagined that he saw Snoopy merge with his anthropomorphized version in [[Dimensions#C-197|Dimension C-197]] - becoming a "tall dog guy" that was taller than Patti-Chan - and noted that he could feel solace and comfort knowing Snoopy could better help with the Merge.<ref name=eulogy></ref>

Chris resumed his usual social media habits a day after the dog's passing, though he still mentioned feeling sad about Snoopy in the days afterward. Aside from sharing a few fan tributes to "Snoopy-Doo", Chris fully resumed business as usual later in the month.

==After Chris's arrest==

Following the [[Affair with Mother|incest]] bombshell, with both Chris and Barb being separated from [[14 Branchland Court]] as a result, Clover and the other surviving Chandler household pets were taken care of by a neighbor.<ref>[[WCT DMs#Chris's final messages]]</ref> Unfortunately, Clover and the other pets of the Chandler family were returned to Barb's <strike>neglect</strike> care following her return to the house. Clover can be heard crying for help in the video of some weens [[Fan_visits#Barb_Visit|visiting Barb]].<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cd_VfIhRBg</ref> It is currently unknown if any of the pets are being attended to following [[Jail Letter - 27 November 2021|Barb's car accident and hospitalization]], although given that Barb has apparently received assistance from [[Minor Family Members|her family]], it's likely that they aren't alone.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Mikmmp.jpg|"Snoopy has a hat on his tush, and Clover is looking at the camera."
File:Dogs 1.jpg|Clover in a picture on [[Facebook]]
File:Dogs 2.jpg|Another Facebook picture, with Chris looking extremely fat.
File:Dogs 3.jpg|Clover again.
Image:Twitter20June201301.png|Clover and Snoopy in a picture on [[Twitter]] from 20 [[June 2013]].
File:ChrisPupsPeed.png|"One of my pups just peed, and look how it came out. Shaped like a girl."
File:SnoopyDoobieDoo.png|[[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] and Snoopy.
File:DogsA.jpg|First in a series of old photos leaked in [[October 2015]].
File:DogsB.jpg|These were presumably taken in 2012.
File:DogsC.jpg|Chris posted this photo on his [[Manchester High School]] alumni site page.
File:DogsD.jpg
File:DogsE.jpg|Both dogs.
File:DogsF.jpg|Clover, based on the collar color.
File:DogsG.jpg
File:DogsH.jpg
File:DogsI.jpg
File:DogsJ.jpg|Very obese.
File:Cloversnoopy tweet.jpeg|Date unknown. Chris tweeted it in March 2017.
</gallery>
</center>

==References==
<references />

{{People}}

[[Category:Pets]]

Clover and Snoopy

2023-03-19T08:54:44Z

Got2Hands:

{{infobox
| title = Clover and Snoopy
| image = [[File:Clover and snoopy.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Names
|data1 = Clover Snoopy
|label2 = Nicknames
|data2 = Snoopy-Doo (Snoopy)
|label3 = Date of birth
|data3 = [[March 2012]]
|label4 = Date of death
|data4 = 15 [[July 2021]] (Snoopy)
|label5 = Gender
|data5 = Female (Clover) Male (Snoopy)
|label6 = Breed
|data6 = {{w|Beagle}}
|label7 = Owners
|data7 = [[Barbara]] [[Chris]]
}}

'''Clover''' (b. circa [[March 2012]]<ref>According to their [https://web.archive.org/web/20201210124928/http://charlottesvilleradiogroup.upickem.net/engine/Details.aspx?p=A&c=64810&s=22437342&i=1&sort=DESCENDING#SD entry], they were three months old when Chris entered them into the contest. Since registration to the contest began on 16 [[July 2012]] (see [https://web.archive.org/web/20201210125245/http://charlottesvilleradiogroup.upickem.net/engine/Rules.aspx?contestid=64810 contest rules]) and they were registered no later than 1 [[August 2012|August]], this would mean they were born sometime between March and May. Chris has stated that Snoopy was born in March, meaning that Clover could have been born at or around the same time.</ref>) is the Chandlers' beagle. '''Snoopy''' (March 2012 - 15 July 2021) was her brother.<ref name=snoopydeath>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/snoopy-has-died.95170/</ref><ref name=eulogy>[[July 2021 social media posts#Eulogy for Snoopy]]</ref> The Chandlers bought them at a puppy mill in [[wikipedia:Fredericksburg, Virginia|Fredericksburg]] on 13 [[May 2012]].

The idea of getting beagles was originally Barbara's idea, and Chris eventually acquiesced. The CWC community learned of their existence on 1 [[August 2012]], when a link to an [https://web.archive.org/web/20201210124928/http://charlottesvilleradiogroup.upickem.net/engine/Details.aspx?p=A&c=64810&s=22437342&i=1&sort=DESCENDING#SD entry of them] Chris submitted to a [[Chris and contests#Dog Days of Summer Photo Contest|local contest]] was posted on the [[CWCki Forums]]; Chris didn't win the contest.

According to one of Chris's Facebook posts, the dogs are siblings. Clover, Chris's dog, has a white mark on her snout, and Snoopy didn't. Clover has a pink collar, and Snoopy had a green collar. Additionally, they each have an animal chew toy - Clover has a [[duck]] and Snoopy had a [[Megagi La Skunk|skunk]]. Barbara claimed in the [[Rental House Tour]] audio that the dogs were part fox, though this is incredibly unlikely – no authenticated hybrids between domestic dogs and foxes exist.

Snoopy, who officially belonged to Barbara, was named after the dog from ''[[Peanuts]]'', who was also a beagle. Even though Snoopy was her dog, Chris was listed as the person responsible for not getting proper checks and licenses for both dogs, according to legal records from 2016.

Clover is named after the character from the show ''[[My Little Pony]] Tales''.<ref>[[Catie Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>

==Poor Living Conditions and Neglect==
{{quote|It’s, it’s awfully inconvenient to take them outside and have to pick it up. I’d rather have it inside, to pick it up. I’m 72 years old, and I don’t...|Barbara on why the dogs relieve themselves inside the house.<ref name=rht>[[Rental House Tour]]</ref>}}

[[File:A few seconds of Barb dancing.png|In the background is one of the newspaper spots where the Chandler dogs relieve themselves. Pictured in April 2018, in the doorway of the [[kitchen]].|thumb|200px]]

On 6 [[August 2013]], Chris posted on Facebook a picture of dog urine on a newspaper.<ref>[[August 2013 Facebook Posts#One_of_my_pups_just_peed]]</ref> In [[December 2014]], a statement released by [[Catherine]] (who manipulated Chris into inviting her to the Chandler's [[Rental House]]) confirmed that the dogs are not house-trained, are aggressive towards strangers, and are severely [[obese]]. This was especially apparent in a series of photos released in [[November 2015]]. The dogs were still relieving themselves on newspaper in April 2018, evidenced when Chris filmed a paid request video which showed a newspaper with dog shit on it in the background.<ref>[[April 2018 Paid Video Requests#A few seconds of Barb dancing]]</ref>

In the [[Rental House Tour]], Barbara can be heard attempting to justify her gross neglect of the dogs by complaining about how she's too old to take them out to relieve themselves (despite having only gotten the dogs two years prior). A hole in the fence in the backyard, which the Chandlers never bothered to fix, also may have contributed to Barbara's decision to let their dogs piss and shit on the newspapers within the home.

When Chris reflected on Snoopy's life, he noted that he'd regularly sleep on the couch with the puppies until January 2014. They also would regularly play in a "mountain of clothes" from Barbara's hoard from which Snoopy fell and injured his left back leg, an injury which he would never fully recover from, making it difficult to traverse stairs. Chris also admitted that he and Barbara could have walked the dogs more often, using Snoopy's leg condition as an excuse for why they had not.<ref name=eulogy></ref>

[[File:Snoopy, 7 December 2018.jpg|An overweight Snoopy, pictured in December 2018. Note the premature greying around his chin, which is sometimes taken as a sign of living in an uncomfortable and [[Chris and stress|stressful]] environment, and the overly-long nails.|thumb|left|200px]]

When faced with a situation where he wanted to go on a date, but Barbara was not home to watch the dogs, Chris's proposed solution was to take the dogs with him, then leave them in the car, though Barbara turned up last minute and was able to watch the dogs.<ref>[[Catherine#The bowling outing]]</ref> Catherine also stated that the dogs are so terribly taken care of that they can't even be left at home by themselves without destroying all the furniture.

Chris also mentioned to Catherine that he has fed the dogs chicken noodle soup,<ref name=rht></ref> which can cause sodium ion poisoning if fed from canned soup with high sodium amounts.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20201210125623/https://canigivemydog.com/chicken-noodle-soup</ref>

In the [[Rental House Tour]], Chris is heard cooing and babbling over the dogs.

In [[August 2016]], even though Barbara and Chris both look after the dogs, only Chris was slapped with two (more) misdemeanors on his record, as a result of the Chandlers failing to acquire proper licenses and rabies checks for the dogs, marking the first time the authorities have gotten involved because of the Chandlers' neglect of their pets.

<center><gallery>
File:Dogcourtcase2.png|Chris fined - No county dog tag 2
File:Dogcourtcase1.png|Chris fined - No rabies certificate 2
</gallery></center>

[[File:Clover, 7 December 2018.jpg|Clover, also overweight and pictured in December 2018.|thumb|left|200px]]

In 2020, Clover and Snoopy were both heard barking loudly and getting overexcited when pizza deliveries summoned by [[weens]] appeared at the door while [[Live Reading of SNT Vs Sonichu, Part 2|Chris tried reading fanfiction in a livestream]]. Chris notably yelled "SHUT UP!" at them with a noticeable degree of venom in his voice, before they whimpered and presumably recoiled in fear. Due to happening offscreen, it's unclear if Chris did anything besides scream at his pets to prompt that response, although [[The Chris Chan Conspiracy|later footage of the dogs]] indicate that this kind of whimpering happens when they're approached in general, as Chris was shown speaking in a high-pitched "cute" voice when inviting some guests in.

==Stealing a Neighbor's Dog==
According to [[Kim Wilson]], Barbara and Chris once tried to steal a neighbor's dog which had been wandering loose. They eventually gave it back when its owner showed up at their door.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/newold-content-part-2.23995/page-27#post-1759719</ref>

{{quotebox|I don't think I have emails regarding that, but if anyone needs the rundown...a neighbor's dog slipped out of their collar while tied up outside and went wandering around the neighborhood. I'm assuming it was more Barb's idea, but she decided she wanted to keep it so instead of doing the right thing and asking around first. They bought it a collar and a couple of other supplies. Lo and behold, the neighbor goes looking for their dog and winds up at the Chandler's. From what I remember, they put up a fight to keep the dog and blamed the neighbor for being irresponsible. Basically, finders keepers. Neighbor still got their dog back. But Chris couldn't comprehend why it was wrong for them to try and keep the dog. I wonder if this is (part) of the reason they keep their own dogs locked up inside, a fear of repercussion from trying to steal someone else's dog.}}

==Snoopy's Death==
Snoopy passed away in July 2021 in his sleep,<ref name=snoopydeath></ref> at nine years of age; small dog breeds have an average lifespan closer to 12-15 years. Shortly after his demise, Chris took to social media to offer a eulogy, not unlike the one he gave [[Patti Chandler]] so many years ago, recalling when he and Barbara had acquired Snoopy and Clover and memories of Snoopy, describing Snoopy as caring, understanding and smart. Chris explained that he and a neighbor buried the dog by a tree, making a stone mound around where the body lay as a marker for the pooch and that he was saddened by the dog's death.

Chris resorted to his usual [[Chris and coping|coping mechanism]] of the [[Dimensional Merge]] to help him deal with Snoopy's death, which he mentioned in the eulogy as well. He believes that Snoopy was aware of the Merge and imagined that he saw Snoopy merge with his anthropomorphized version in [[Dimensions#C-197|Dimension C-197]] - becoming a "tall dog guy" that was taller than Patti-Chan - and noted that he could feel solace and comfort knowing Snoopy could better help with the Merge.<ref name=eulogy></ref>

Chris resumed his usual social media habits a day after the dog's passing, though he still mentioned feeling sad about Snoopy in the days afterward. Aside from sharing a few fan tributes to "Snoopy-Doo", Chris fully resumed business as usual later in the month.

==After Chris's arrest==

Following the [[Affair with Mother|incest]] bombshell, with both Chris and Barb being separated from [[14 Branchland Court]] as a result, Clover and the other surviving Chandler household pets were taken care of by a neighbor.<ref>[[WCT DMs#Chris's final messages]]</ref> Unfortunately, Clover and the other pets of the Chandler family were returned to Barb's <strike>neglect</strike> care following her return to the house. Clover can be heard crying for help in the video of some weens [[Fan_visits#Barb_Visit|visiting Barb]].<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cd_VfIhRBg</ref> It is currently unknown if any of the pets are being attended to following [[Jail Letter - 27 November 2021|Barb's car accident and hospitalization]], although given that Barb has apparently received assistance from [[Minor Family Members|her family]], it's likely that they aren't alone.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Mikmmp.jpg|"Snoopy has a hat on his tush, and Clover is looking at the camera."
File:Dogs 1.jpg|Clover in a picture on [[Facebook]]
File:Dogs 2.jpg|Another Facebook picture, with Chris looking extremely fat.
File:Dogs 3.jpg|Clover again.
Image:Twitter20June201301.png|Clover and Snoopy in a picture on [[Twitter]] from 20 [[June 2013]].
File:ChrisPupsPeed.png|"One of my pups just peed, and look how it came out. Shaped like a girl."
File:SnoopyDoobieDoo.png|[[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] and Snoopy.
File:DogsA.jpg|First in a series of old photos leaked in [[October 2015]].
File:DogsB.jpg|These were presumably taken in 2012.
File:DogsC.jpg|Chris posted this photo on his [[Manchester High School]] alumni site page.
File:DogsD.jpg
File:DogsE.jpg|Both dogs.
File:DogsF.jpg|Clover, based on the collar color.
File:DogsG.jpg
File:DogsH.jpg
File:DogsI.jpg
File:DogsJ.jpg|Very obese.
File:Cloversnoopy tweet.jpeg|Date unknown. Chris tweeted it in March 2017.
</gallery>
</center>

==References==
<references />

{{People}}

[[Category:Pets]]

Sonichu 11

2022-05-03T09:17:56Z

Got2Hands:

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #11
| cover = Issue 11 Cover.jpg
| coverdate = 13 [[August 2009]]
| finishedcomic = 30 [[June 2017]]
| pagecount = 102
| episodes = 22, 23, 24.1
| previous = [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]
| next = [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]]
}}

{{Quote|I have not ended [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]; I only lost inspiration to [[Chris and art|draw]], thanks to [[Trolls|the people online]].|Chris, September 2010.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 3]]</ref>}}

{{quote|For continued peace of my mind that will keep the drawing spark lit, please Donate or Pledge some money my way. Thank You All for your loyalty, fandom and patience. |Chris, May 2017, upon his re-return to drawing comic pages in 2017, asking for donations, despite still owing pages to [[DStecks]] for his $1,000 donation.<ref>[[Live Drawing Streams]]</ref>}}

'''''Sonichu'' #11''' is the twelfth comic in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic series]], dated 13 [[August 2009]]. The cover claims to be the tenth-anniversary issue. (Ten years without a "cease and desist" letter from [[Nintendo]] or [[Sega]]!) Chris abandoned the issue in [[December 2009]], months before the tenth anniversary of [[Sonichu]]'s creation came and went on 17 [[March 2010]]. For years it seemed that Chris was done with Sonichu forever.

On 4 [[September 2015]], however, in an unprecedented act of will and determination, Chris managed to crawl back from his long night of [[Kick the Autistic|abuse]] at the hands of the trolls and cyber-bullies, and finally released new pages. The revival of the Sonichu comic proved too stressful for Chris, even though he had been paid over $1,000 to do it<ref>[[Etsy#Donate towards New Comic Book Pages]]</ref>, and he dropped the project once again after 25 October.

Two years later, on 8 [[May 2017]], Chris [[Live Drawing Stream - 05082017|began work on the comic again]] and finished it on 30 June.

==Production Notes==
===2009===

[[Chris]] began writing this issue while [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] was also in production, apparently to have somewhere to put the comic version of "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]," which is even more unendurably boring than its prose counterpart. Christmas [[2009]] came and went, and Chris apparently forgot about this unfinished story with eight pages to go. In the meantime, he was still engrossed in tracing shit for his epic battle with [[Reldnahc]] and the anti-[[gay]] vaccine from the future. So far, Chris has kept the promise of not including the [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|comic Chris]] as a character, restructuring the series to its original intention as an uninspired ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' [[Chris and copyright|homage]], although he would make a cameo appearance in a set of pages near the end of the Christmas special.

===2010 - Hoax conclusion===
[[Image:Sonichu 11 Teaser.jpg|thumb|[[Alec Benson Leary]]'s rendition.]]
On 24 [[April 2010]], the Sysop of the [[CWCipedia]] uploaded two new episodes from ''Sonichu'' #11. These stories picked up where [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] left off and continued the dark and downbeat tone: [[Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]] were killed in the bombing of the CWCville [[Mal-Wart]]; [[Sandy Rosechu]] was run over by an inattentive driver; [[Wild]] committed suicide in a fit of grief and rage; [[Christine]] and [[Robbie]] were killed and [[Cerah]] badly injured when the three of them drank drain cleaner; [[Rosechu]] smothered her permanently crippled daughter with a pillow; [[Sonichu]] demanded a divorce; and [[Reginald Sneasel]] decided to show some infants his "[[Pickle|seven-inch lightning rod]]." An archive of the pages can be seen [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/that-one-issue.197/#post-20215 here].

Surprisingly, Punchy and Blake are nowhere to be seen nor mentioned in either part of the hoax comic.

====Part 1====
The comic picks up one morning in the Sonichu household. As Rosechu cooks breakfast, Sonichu and her discuss their bed romp right in front of Robbie, who ponders on what as "Seven inch- wightning wod" is. Sonichu informs his son that he will show him later on. Chris pops up to inform the audience that Sonichu is not a pedofork, but instead teaching his young son on sex so he will be prepared for the young Rosey he will one day engage in sex with. Magi-Chan mentally informs Sonichu of an attack on the mall- Slawheel being behind the attack. He can sense Angelica and Bubbles inside, but a psychic barrier prevents him from seeing in further. Sonichu tells him to get the CWCVille Power Rangers- he will be there after he finishes breakfast. Sonichu gets to the mall and meets with Officer Perez- who pretty much sums up what Magi Chan just said one page prior. Wild suddenly shows up.

Back at home, Reginald is at the Sonichu house for no explained reason, and young Robbie decides to ask him about a "seven-inch lightning rod". Reginald, being the modest gentleman he is, whips out his penis for Robbie and Cerah to play with it, Robbie declaring he wants to put it in his mouth. Rosechu interrupts and rightfully yells at Reginald. The Sneasel makes a sorry excuse that Angelica has not done her womanly duties of sexually pleasing him in over 3 months, and apologizes for exposing himself. Rosechu implies she will aide him in his needs and sends her children off to go watch Family Guy Blu-Rays (the perfect show for children). On the bottom of the page is an Axe ad "for that delicius smell".

Once in her room, Rosechu preaches to Reginald about how he should not seek adultery for his urges. Reginald sees the error of his ways and thanks Rosechu for her support. He mentally laments about Rosechu's beauty, her kindness...her body, and lusts for her, knowing she is Sonichu's. He has shown no concern nor worry that Angelica is being held hostage at the mall. Chris takes up a full page with an American flag to inform the readers that Rosechu is indeed faithful to Sonichu, and educates the readers on the dangers of cheating, such as diseases and children born with homosexuality, and how the main Rosechu gals freely express their feminism in the bedroom with their respected men.

Back at the mall, the battle has been fought completely offscreen as Wild and Sonichu talk about the aftermath. Magi Chan mentally informs them that he has found hostages, with Sonichu saying they will need ambulances and transportation for the homeless to go to the soup hotels in CWCVille. They take a moment to discuss how great the mayor is in attending to the people of the town and go back to their task of finding Slawheel. Sonichu finds her on the next page, and punches her a few times, declaring it a great battle as Slawheel flies away on a Nimbus Cloud with Sonichu flipping her off as she leaves, Slawheel declaring that though she has given up, there are more surprises in store. The Mal-Wart blows up as Sonichu and Wild watch in horror. Magi, who somehow survived, inform them Anglica and Bubbles are dead, along with 350 others (175 innocent, 23 Jerkops, 47 Janekops, and 127 were hypnotized by Slawheel. Three Power Rangers also died valiantly). Sonichu swears on his dead friends that he will get Slawheel for her crimes.

The first part ends on Magi informing Reginald on Angelica's death (she died buying tampons and/or pads as Magi implies), and how the Sneasel should invest in a sex-doll while he partakes in a love quest to replace Angelica. Reginald shows no sorrow for his lost love, as he blames Sonichu for a moment, but now finds himself free to make moves on Rosechu.

====Part 2====
Sonichu and Rosechu in: Dangers Above

The next episode opens on Wild and Sandy, who are adjusting to living without Simonla around. Sandy leaves for school and Wild tells her to be good and study hard. Sandy slips her earbuds in to listen to her favorite band, Christian and the Hedgehog Boys. Unfortunately, she is so distracted by her music, she walks in front of a speeding car. The driver was texting and driving, but suddenly sees the tragedy he caused. The next page cuts to her funeral as Sonichu and Rosechu pity Wild- losing his wife, and then his daughter. Rosechu attempts to empathize and offer support to Wild. Wild, overcome with grief and anger, lashes out at her, saying she's never lost anything while he has now lost his entire family. Rosechu is in shock of his anger, but Sonichu tells her to shrug it off since he's in grief. He answers his phone during the funeral with a frantic Heather on the other end. The kids got into the cleaners while Heather used the bathroom and all three kids had drunk all of the drain cleaner. Sonichu and Rosechu rush to the hospital and learn the fate of their children- Robbie and Christine died from ingesting the cleaner, but Cerah lived since she is the oldest and was not fatally affected (even though she's only a few months older than Christine and all kids were the same size). However, Cerah suffered major brain damage and would need assistance for the rest of her life. Sonichu and Rosechu grieve as two headstones take up the rest of the page for the children.

Later, Sonichu falls under stress with all the medical bills. Rosechu suggests he go get help from the mayor, to which Sonichu says is no use- Chris has been missing for months and is too busy with his video games and The Wallflower to care. Sonichu mentally blames Rosechu for the kids' fates as she left the cleaner out where they could easily get to it, and Rosechu mentally laments that Sonichu doesn't attempt to understand her.

The next scene cuts to a few weeks later as Marvey Blaziken discusses with Wild the legal actions after Sandy's death. The driver was convicted of texting and driving, but since Sandy was witnessed jaywalking at the time of her death, the driver was not convicted of involuntary manslaughter. The driver is only fined for running a stop sign and is put on probation for three months. Wild gains some self-awareness and yells about how terrible the laws are in the town- they have useless things like Dating Education (ironically where Wild met Simonla). Marvey suggests they present the mayor with a petition so he can review CWCville laws, to which Wild responds in saying that's hopeless- all of Chris's documents are signed with DS consoles. Wild excuses himself to be alone. The next page shows him with a gun, declaring he no longer wants to live and ends his life.

Sonichu drinks at TGI Fridays, verbally lashing out at the bartender to get him his fourth Long Island Iced Tea. Angelica appears to console Sonichu (most likely as a drunk hallucination by Sonichu) as he flirtingly invites her to sit with him. Meanwhile, Rosechu is at home grieving over Cerah's status, as she is tired of having to give Cerah 24/7 assistance, as Cerah lays in bed drooling and urinating. Rosechu thinks about how she dreamt of seeing her daughter walk down the aisle and start a family, but now she is "slow in the mind". Rosechu is angry over having no money to buy shoes and being forced to eat tuna from a can. She has reached her end and smothers Cerah with a pillow, mentally begging for forgiveness from her daughter. Sonichu comes home and is informed of her death. The two parents seem to shrug off their final child's death heartlessly- Rosechu glad he didn't suspect anything, and Sonichu actually relieved with her death. In a big text wall, the couple talk about their true feelings- Sonichu cannot stop blaming her for the kids' death, and Rosechu revealing she never really loved him, and it was foolish they got together just because they looked the same, and she had felt like nothing but a sex object to him and just a prize for him to show to his friends. She agrees to a divorce but declares Sonichu will pay for ruining her life.

The episode ends with a PSA from Chris to the audience about how an act of carelessness can snowball into tragic events. He reminds them all to have safe sex and to know the difference between lust and love.

====Reception====
Despite an overwhelmingly positive fan response to the new pages, Chris clarified in a rage-filled [[CWC Blog]] update that they were the work of a troll<ref>[[CWC_Blog#26_April_2010]]</ref>. During The Great Rampage 2.0 (when the [[CWCipedia]] was hacked for the second and final time), the pages were restored, but the CWCipedia died the next day.

===2015===

{{quote|I am getting back into the swing of drawing, writing and coloring my pages. The stories resume! And I am not letting too many cooks into this kitchen like I did inadvertently with the haters.|Chris, September 2015.<ref>[[September 2015 Facebook Posts#Sonichu 11 Continues]]</ref>}}

{{quote|I have been unable to get that routine successfully habitual and set. The reasons are between my Emotions and Mood; I have to be in the right mind set in order to draw and create.|Chris, February 2016, shortly before citing a bunch of tired excuses as to why he wouldn’t work on the comic that he was paid over $1,000 to do.<ref>[[February 2016 Facebook Posts#Bleeding Autism]]</ref>}}

According to statements made by [[William Elliott Waterman]] and his friend, Waterman had commissioned Chris, for $100, to draw Sonichu 11 pages<ref>http://cwcki.club/index.php?threads/fb-4-5-fearful-of-working.1331/page-7#post-26095</ref><ref>[[:File:Waterman commission CWC $100 .png]]</ref>, as part of a pathetic attempt to get himself unbanned from a video game blog. To that end, Waterman provided a script for Sonichu 11, including a page in which he begged the moderator of the blog to unban him; however, Chris merely used the script for inspiration and heavily revised it to his liking<ref>http://cwcki.club/index.php?threads/fb-5-11-sonichu-sketches.1402/#post-29062</ref>.

On 5 September 2015, a set of uncolored development images of Sonichu #11 pages was leaked<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/sonichu-11-development-images.12384</ref>. They appear to prove that the 2015 pages were, in fact, new, and not something he had been holding back for an extended time.
<center>{{collapsible
|Development Images
|<gallery mode="nolines" perrow="10">
File:Son11development5.jpg|Page 13 (Development)
File:Son11development3.jpg|Page 14 (Development)
File:Son11development1.jpg|Page 15 (Development)
File:Son11development2.jpg|Page 16 (Development)
File:Son11development4.jpg|Page 17 (Development)
</gallery>}}</center>

The glorious, yet brief, resurrection of the comic on 4 September 2015, when Chris uploaded 11 new pages, was accompanied by a [[Etsy#Donate towards New Comic Book Pages|donation bucket]] on his new [[Etsy]] account. One day later, a Youtube reviewer named [[DStecks]] gave Chris $1,000, thinking that Chris would deliver 100 pages of Sonichu. The donation listing was one of his best-selling items, until Etsy forced him to remove it, apparently because it violated TOS<ref>[[May 2016 Facebook posts#Etsy listing removal]]</ref>.

Despite being paid, Chris only completed a further 16 pages before dropping the project for another ''two years''. Only 27 pages were added in 2015, but in them, the ubiquitous elements of ''Sonichu'' - boring and confusing plotlines, inappropriate portrayals of underage characters, walls of expository text and tone-deaf racism - are present and accounted for.

For the next two years, Chris would recycle a set of worn-out excuses for why he didn't feel like doing work he was paid to do. His typical claim of stress evolved to ADD<ref>[[February 2016 Facebook Posts#Bleeding Autism]]</ref>, then dementia<ref>[[2017 tweets#Doopie defends Chris]]</ref>, and he also blamed [[Lulu]] for banning him over Sonichu being fanfiction. He last made those comments in April 2017.

===2016===
Chris discussed the comic with [[Arthur Spatchcock]] in early 2016.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. And uh, kind of a spoiler, there will be a part in a future story where he-- where pretty much in a [[dream]] scenario, he has to swim in a river of essentially [[pickle]] brine juice.

'''Arthur:''' Oh no.

'''Chris:''' And he blows up during the swim.

'''Arthur:''' Really? So he's like, he's like deathly allergic to pickles?

'''Chris:''' Quite.

'''Arthur:''' He better hope he gets an {{w|Epinephrine|endephrine shot}} after that.

'''Chris:''' Well he's quite, uh, he's quite strong, so he's able to survive it, and at the end of the river is uh, is a healing pond at which he recovers from the allergy fairly quick.

'''Arthur:''' Well I guess that will definitely take care of that problem.

'''Chris:''' Yep.

'''Arthur:''' Now are you going to be introducing any more new characters into the series? Because right now you've already got quite a collection of people already ready to go. But seeing as how previous villains in the series have either been arrested, or, or gone, or dead, or missing, I should say, are you introducing new villains into the series based on the current, you know, issues in your life?

'''Chris:''' I would say that's still yet to be determined. But at least I was-- at least I am definitely glad to give [[Count Graduon]] a past human form with which to lead into his spirit, and um, [[Duck|very small]] spoiler, among the uh, people he'll be bringing in uh, the bodies, he finds somebody that looks nearly exactly like he used to, and he brings in-- he becomes one of the Jerkops, so he brings him in and moves his soul from the Metal Sonichu into that body.

'''Arthur:''' Now I gotta tell you right now, I definitely want to see more [[Metal Sonichu]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you'll definitely see Graduon's soul in Metal Sonichu's body, and uh, [[Ren Skysoar|Skysoar]] will be employed under Graduon, and he'll make a few more of them.

'''Arthur:''' See, what you need in the series, I think to really push the bad guys now, instead of just having Jerkops, you need like, robotic Jerkops, like 2.0.

'''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, pretty much, uh...

'''Arthur:''' After all, when you have a hero like Sonichu... Sonichu is already pretty powerful, and all of his friends are pretty strong too. You need to start adding that concept of conflict by making the enemies tougher too.

'''Chris:''' ...Yes, that will be taken under consideration. I already have a few-- I already have a few ideas on my mind, among which. But that is definitely one I could definitely add into, uh, the uh, into the [[Jerkop]] and Janekops, there.

'''Arthur:''' Because--

'''Chris:''' Make 'em-- make 'em a bit cyborg.

'''Arthur:''' Yes, you know, it's like, uh, it's like [[Power Rangers]], the original Power Rangers, with Zordon? When they had the {{w|Villains_in_Mighty_Morphin_Power_Rangers#Putty_Patrol|Putties}}, and then they had the Lord Zedd Putties?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. ...Quite. But anyway, yes, I will take all that under great consideration.

===2017===
[[File:Beggingcountermay2017.png|thumb|Goddamnit Chris.]]

After 561 days of [[stress]]-fuelled inaction, Chris suddenly resumed work on the comic in [[May 2017]], with a [[Live Drawing Stream]] on the 8th, in which he took half an hour to draw the line-art for a single page. The sketch from that session, with three others, was posted to Facebook on the 11th. On the 14th-15th, he recorded more drawing and filmed himself using Photoshop. On the 23rd, he posted twelve fully colored pages to Facebook, finally putting an end to the Christmas special.

<center>{{collapsible
|Sketches from May 2017
|<gallery mode="nolines" perrow="10">
File:Sonichu 2017 1.jpeg|Page 40 (Development)
File:Sonichu 2017 2.jpeg|Page 41 (Development)
File:Sonichu 2017 3.jpeg|Page 42 (Development)
File:Sonichu 2017 4.jpg|Page 43 (Development)
File:S11-52p.jpg|Page 52 (Development)
File:S11-53p.jpg|Page 53 (Development)
File:S11-54p.jpg|Page 54 (Development)
File:S11-55p.jpg|Page 55 (Development)

</gallery>}}
</center>

In June 2017, Chris finished more pages and placed them behind a patron-only wall on [[Patreon]], stating that free samples would no longer be available<ref>[[May 2017 Facebook posts#Patreon plans]]</ref>. This move is in marked contrast to what he had advertised on [[Etsy]] two years before when he said, "[[Lie|All completed Past and NEW Pages will be uploaded and Publicly viewable on my Facebook Page.]]" Regardless of his shady [[business]] dealings, fans continued throwing money at him, with some leaking the pages to the general public.

After '''eight years''' of development, he finished Sonichu 11 on 30 June.

[[File:Sonichu 11 book.jpg|200px|thumb|Chris's copy of the book.]]
In July, he distributed print copies of the book, likely manufactured through [[Lulu]], to people who had pledged at least $20 to his [[Patreon]].<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/June_2017_Patreon_posts#Sonichu_11_page_91</ref>.

[[File:Sonichu11Credits.png|thumb|left|Part of the credits page]]
The printed edition of the book contains three pages worth of credits to people who had donated/pledged money to his Etsy and Patreon accounts, spanning nearly two years.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/June_2017_Patreon_posts#Book_11_completed</ref> The first two mentioned are early backers [[Waterman|Mister V.B.B.]] and [[DStecks|Daniel Steckly]].

===Speculation===

The ultimate content of future episodes was the subject of much speculation. [[Sonic]] appears prominently on the cover, making his reappearance no surprise; however, the bizarre way that he returns (apparently "played" by [[Silvana]]) seems to be a misguided attempt to avoid [[copyright]] infringement by having the blue hedgehog not be the "real" Sonic.

Chris has said that "''The reboot will happen in Book 11 with the Clip Show Episode; most questions will be answered and plots revealed.''"<ref>[[Mailbag 51]]</ref> This was pretty incomprehensible, as a {{w|Reboot (fiction)|reboot}} is a declaration by a Great Director that previously-established canon is null and void, or at least irrelevant. A {{w|clip show}}, on the other hand, is a TV episode composed mainly of excerpts from previous episodes. Neither of these corresponds to answered questions or revealed plots. It's possible that by "Clip Show," Chris meant that ''Sonichu'' #11 would contain more {{w|backstory}}, while by "reboot," he meant that the existing "plot" would be [[Chris and writing|clumsily resolved in a couple of pages]] before establishing a new status quo. In the end, neither of this happened, the "clip show" instead being a flash-forward followed by a flashback.

==Episode 22: "A Sonichu Christmas"==
{{Resources
| title = A Sonichu Christmas
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.915813811846432.1073741853.100002534669114&type=3 ''A Sonichu Christmas''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_11/Page_1 ''A Sonichu Christmas''
| audiobook =http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9245JMAhhw ''A Sonichu Christmas''}}
[[Image:Virginmary.jpg|thumb|Take that, separation of church and state! Also, child molestation.]]
[[Image:Thisemotionyoucallwuvconfusesandinfuriatesus.jpg|thumb|She's addressing Chris.]]
''This episode is not numbered, but as it skips from 21 to 23, this is clearly intended as Episode 22.''

In [[December 2009]], in response to requests for a ''Sonichu'' Christmas special, Chris began to create a comic adaptation of "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]," at the same time as he was working on the original prose version of the story. This marks the second time that Chris's [[Chris and writing|prose]] was adapted into comic form - the short story "[[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs]]" served as the basis for Episodes 1 and 2 in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]. The story contains nothing of substantial value to the overarching plot of ''Sonichu'', instead just depicting the Lovehogs and their hellish offspring partaking in various boring and tedious Christmas activities, with no conflict or general narrative friction whatsoever.

The comic opens to show Sonichu's family in various states of celebration for the Christmas season, with the house decorated for the holiday. For a wintertime scene, the lawn of 14 Brunchland Lane is impossibly green, while a bike is left out along the side of the house awaiting permanent rusting from the events to follow. This is because Chris [[Scrapbook of Fail|reused]] the [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/2/27/SchuComic9P34.jpg original 14 Brunchland Lane picture] seen in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] with half-assed editing of the clouds and sky to a dark blue color to reflect the nighttime, the removal of [[Reldnahc]] running down the road, and the addition of poorly-rendered Christmas lights and a wreath onto the house. Chris believes toddlers can do a lot, as Cerah, Christine and Robbie hang stockings, rehearse for the overtly Christian school play, and help bake cookies. At least one of them appears to be in elementary school, so Chris likely forgot how old they were supposed to be.

While rehearsing for a Christmas pageant at her school, Christine plagiarizes a joke from ''[[Family Guy]]'' when she ad-libs that the Virgin Mary may not really have been a [[virgin]]. Sonichu and [[Robbie]] are seen to be hanging stockings, and Robbie butchers a quote from ''{{w|A Visit from St. Nicholas}}''. After a long, boring conversation about what toys Robbie wants, the conversation finally ends with Sonichu giving a diabetes-inducing speech about loving his little angelic kids.

Meanwhile, Rosechu and [[Cerah]] make cookies. Cerah makes a big deal about making a special cookie for a [[Jewish]] kid named [[Kevin the Jew|Kevin]] in an uncomfortably awkward attempt at sensitivity. The cookie, made in the vague shape of a candle, bears no resemblance to any Jewish symbol. The cookie is vanilla-flavored, in case the kid has some kind of food allergy. Rosechu and Cerah do not consider that anyone other than Jews might have food allergies. Cerah says "I wuv you!" while facing away from her mother and directly at the reader, apparently breaking the fourth wall.

In the living room, Robbie and Cerah notice that it has begun to snow. As they watch, Sonichu and Rosechu discuss the weather forecast and decide to hoard groceries while the roads are still clear. While Sonichu goes to the supermarket, Christine recites {{w|Magnificat|Luke 1:45-55}} (which Chris types as Luke 1:46.5 - 55) while Rosechu watches and the children stare on with their soulless green eyes. While this passage is commonly heard in Protestant churches, there's no way that any American public school in the 21st century could get away with anything this overtly religious without fear of legal reprisal.
Later, Sonichu returns home with groceries and is welcomed home woodenly by Rosechu. His trip to the grocery store is not depicted or described in any way, rendering it a pointless plot feature.

The next morning, Sonichu and Rosechu sit in the kitchen drinking coffee. A [[KCWC]] announcer details [[CWCville]] school closings, and Sonichu expresses his anticipated enjoyment of a day spent with his family, hot "[[tobacky|coca]]" and a warm shower. Rosechu nags him to clear the snow burying their palatial residence, so Sonichu "bundles up for work." The kids wake and greet their father in unsettling unison, to which Sonichu replies with a hearty "good mornint". Noticing that all doors and windows are barred by mounds of snow, Sonichu decides to show off in front of the kids by jumping up the chimney and using his super-speed to scatter the snow off of his yard, heedless of the likelihood that the light and fluffy snow he's moving will be blown towards a busy road and possibly cause a [[Son-Chu|tragic accident]]. Exhausted, he heads back into the house for [[Chris and health#Hygiene|a shower]]. Waiting patiently by the bathroom, Rosechu holds a hideous novelty Christmas towel and blesses Sonichu for doing thirty seconds of chores.

To bore us further, we are informed that Robbie [[Christian Weston Chandler|plays video games and watches television]] and reminded that Rosechu is motivated only by her [[Women's rights|desire to cook and clean]]. Cerah, meanwhile, plays ''Call of Duty: World at War'' with Kevin the Jew. Kevin's character dies and his score is erased (even though ''Call of Duty'' doesn't work that way as a game), and when he complains, Cera chides him that he "[[Sonic Boom Protests|can't be so attached to a set of pixels]]." The two fight over the game, and soon after [[Magi-Chan]] begins chatting to Cerah telepathically about the incident, exploring her feelings for Kevin even though she's supposed to be a toddler. Meanwhile, Sonichu and Robbie meet a homeless woman and instead of offering her a place to sleep in their luxury home, they call her a cab to a soup hotel. Robbie, eager for adulation, announces that he feels embarrassed by his professed enormous reservoir of empathy for the less fortunate.

Blake and Bubbles are approached by [[Inos]], who wishes them a happy Kwanzaa. Blake suddenly remarks furiously that he isn't [[Chris and race|racist]] before expressing furious rage at the mere notion of someone thinking he is black, insisting mystifyingly that his fur does not look "skinburn colour." A [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retroactive flashback]] informs us that [[Simonla]] actually survived the Voltorb attack in ''Sonichu'' #10 due to a healing ability that was never referenced before. She is reunited with Wild, her daughter Sandy, and Zapina, who hugs Simonla and calls her "sis."

As they leave the hospital, Sandy's thoughts turn toward the [[Asperpedia Four|"bad men" in Amish Country]] and whether or not they celebrate Christmas. Wild immediately checks his smartphone and explains very tersely that the Amish actually celebrate two Christmases, focusing on "family, togetherness and reglion [sic]". Sandy imagines Mao and Alec trading simple building materials on Christmas, before almost orgasming at the thought of raising a barn. Mao and Alec also appreciate the fact that Sean is placated by rocks, for he indeed rocks. [[Evan]] is unmentioned. Sandy concludes her fantasy by proclaiming the Amish "weird". The entire segment is, of course, a ham-fisted attempt to remind everyone that Chris retconned the violent deaths of these men in ''[[Sonichu 10]]'' into an exile into Amish country.

Wild and Simonla then take Sandy and Zapina off to [[Country Cookin']] to celebrate. An unwarranted author's note informs the reader that all Sonichus and Rosechus drive hybrids. Meanwhile, up in the mountains for some reason, [[Magi-Chan]] and [[Silvana Rosechu]] huddle around a fire, and exchange wooden statements about how they are "fated" to be a couple. Silvana thanks Magi-Chan for all the character development that has occurred off-panel, and asks if he remembers how they first met. Magi-Chan suggests, [[Chris and writing|"at the risk of breaking the fourth wall"]], they save the story they both know for another time. Silvana then demands they "shut up, make out and mate up" and Magi-Chan expresses his desire to destroy the mountain they are on via violent intercourse.

We then see [[Punchy]] decorating his dojo and [[Angelica]] "sets a table" (the "table" is the altar of her church, which Chris evidently believes Catholics use as a dining table). No sign of [[Reginald Sneasel|Reginald]] or [[Layla Flaafy|Layla]] though.

At long last, we see Christine performing in the Nativity Play. Suddenly, Christine begins to evolve and runs off stage in embarrassment. She texts Rosechu about her clothes being destroyed and the great urgency with which she needs new ones. This once again muddies the waters regarding Sonichus and Rosechus and clothing; Christine is practically hysterical over not having any clothes to wear even though she's covered in fur and many of the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon never wear clothing at all. Clothing issues notwithstanding, Rosechu finds the now-adult Christine behind a locked door, and comforts her by sharing in a duet of [[Tomgirl|"I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman"]]. Sonichu suddenly returns with "coat, sandals, socks, panties" before regaling everyone with a pointless, extremely detailed account of his trip home and back. Christine triumphantly returns to the stage and completes her part, despite dwarfing the rest of the cast.

After the play, Cera approaches Kevin and apologizes for killing off his video game character, offering him dreidel cookies as a way of making amends. Kevin calmly explains how Cera's aggressive video game playing has proven "too much for him" and unceremoniously breaks up with her. These characters are supposed to be very young children. Devastated, Cera breaks down into tears and the famously empathetic Robbie comes over to comfort her. Together, they cry for two whole minutes before deciding they're over it. Note that this is one of few occasions in ''Sonichu'' where an undesirable situation is not resolved in an artificially cheerful way. Christine scoops up her siblings, Rosechu mentioning how she's gone from "middle child to big sister", and they all head off in their electric car.

[[File:48.jpg|thumb|Chris shoots down Blake's plans for a threesome.]]
Later, at the [[CWCville Shopping Center]], all the Sonichus and Rosechus have gathered together around a large Christmas tree to engage in holiday merriment. Angelica reveals that she kicked Reginald out of her house after he "trashed her bed", but plans to apologize to him later. Punchy responds with the news that Layla has left him because she could not get along with the Bananasauros. Simonla asks what has become of Chris since her recovery, at which point Rosechu reveals that in the time since the last issue, Chris has transitioned into a woman and now goes by Christine. Sonichu goes on a spiel about accepting others for their differences and apologizes for past remarks he has made. Wild suggests that the gang should visit Chris to show their support, and the rest agree. [[Allison Amber]] makes her sole appearance this issue just to say that she has other plans and can't go with them.

In [[Virginia]], the assorted 'chus show up at Chris' house with a cake. Chris, who is depicted with photographs a la [[Sonichu 6]], accepts their kindness. Blake comments that Chris has a nice rack and then they all pose for a group photo, concluding an episode that had been in the making for eight years.

==Episode 23: "Simonchu & Bananafunkle”==

{{see also|July 2017 Patreon posts#Simonchu & Bananafunkle script}}

[[File:VikingBoyBillyPatreon.png|thumb|Waterman has no self-respect.]]

In 2017, Chris posted Waterman’s 2015 script for this episode, which the latter had paid Chris $100 to produce. Chris had taken many artistic liberties with the material. Notably, Waterman had included a scene in which he pleaded with the administration of a video game blog to unban him; instead, Chris rewrote the lines to mock Waterman for being “juvenile.” Despite Chris being two years late on delivering, disregarding much of his script, and insulting him in the finished product, Waterman continued to give him money for the comic, donating through Patreon.

Summary

In West Virginia, Simonchu is repeatedly blown up by random underground Voltorbs while hunting for fossils when he receives a text from Simonla inviting him to her house. Simonchu decides to go and visit (taking a fossil and a Razor Claw with him), and we are treated to a flashback in which the retconned ending of Sonichu 10 shows that the Asperpedia 4 were not brutally murdered, but instead deprived of all their possessions by the state and imprisoned on an Amish farm for life in a less gory but still unconstitutional sentencing. Despite Simonla's retconned survival, Wild is shown screaming at a clearly distraught Simonchu, calling him a "murderer" despite nobody being dead, threatening to violently assault him (presumably with the intent to kill) over a murder that no longer took place. This begs the question-why does Simonchu risk death by showing up to Wild's house in person when he's clearly shown to own a perfectly functional iPhone?

Simonchu arrives at Simonla's house, where the latter suffers a fit of sanity and (reasonably) forgives Simonchu for his involvement in her not-murder, as after all, he wasn't the one who blew her up. Suddenly, Sandy returns home, and upon spotting Simonchu seems to immediately forget that her mother's death was retconned and yells at Simonla to "get away from that male". Simonla yells at her to apologize, and the mention of her middle name ("Samantha") inexplicably causes the psychotic Sandy to enter a berserk state in which she breaks the fourth wall to threaten to drill the reader's dick off if they even so much as mention a variation on "Samantha".

Sandy refuses to forgive Simonchu for being "one of those trolls", prompting Simonchu to protest that he was against the assassination plot in the first place, to which Sandy screams at him to shut up. A frightened Simonchu tries to stutter out a "Yes Sandy" in affirmation, but unfortunately, Sandy is ALSO inexplicably enraged by shorthand variations on her FIRST name, which makes you wonder why Wild and Simonla don't just have Chris legally change it to something else so she doesn't drill someone's dick out in the future.

The situation only escalates when Wild suddenly returns home, due to a Deus ex Machina sense telling him to be where the plot required him to be. Wild immediately pulls out a vine and by the next panel, Simonchu is out cold due to Wild committing the assault he threatened him with. It's only THEN that Simonla yells at her family to stop being idiots for five seconds, remember that her death was completely retconned out, and apologize to Simonchu for assaulting him once he regains consciousness. At no point does Simonla announce an intention to apologize to Simonchu for causing the whole mess by being too lazy to text her husband and daughter about this in advance.

Upon recovery, Simonchu claims that he was abused by the Asperpedia 4 by being trained to fight high level Pokémon and was "mentally dumbed down" by "videos of the seriously mentally challenged". Despite being locked in a cage, he was able to obtain Internet access by stealing someone's phone, getting Simonla's number, and sending her evidence of his plight. Simonla apparently promised to launch a rescue attempt that never took place.

Simonchu then explains that the plot against Simonla's life was a retaliatory strike for Chris's mass murder of hundreds of people in Sonichu #10. He details their plan to kill everyone Sonichu and Rosechu at the mall, which was apparently supposed to involve Sean throwing rocks at people and Alec setting more than one Voltorb. Simonchu explains that his role in the plan was to distract Magi-chan's psychic surveillance by thinking "Kill Simonla" repeatedly, a tactical decision that is comparable to setting off the sprinklers so you can commit arson. During his incarceration, Wild and Sandy visited him for the sole purpose of screaming at him for things that were clearly beyond his ability to control (once again calling him a "murderer" despite nobody dying), presumably because Simonla once again neglected to tell someone about an important thing involving Simonchu.

Wild and Sandy give a standard Chris pseudo-apology and the issue is promptly forgotten about. Simonchu goes on to explain that he moved to West Virginia to dig for fossils until recently, as he felt "banned from Virginia" despite being acquitted of any involvement in a crime and CWCville merely being one city out of many. Wild asks Simonchu for the Razor Claw so he can give it to Reginald so the latter can evolve, while Sandy offers to take Simonchu to the local museum to have the mystery fossil revived.

Thirty minutes later, Wild arrives at Angelica's church and gives her the Razor Claw. We then flash forward four days to December 22nd, 2008. Angelica gives Reginald the Razor Claw, the two have sex (thankfully offscreen for once), and then promptly fall asleep. Reginald then presumably gains a level in his sleep while holding on to the Razor Claw at night, causing him to suddenly evolve into a Weavile. He then spends five minutes trashing every part of the room save for the section of the bed Angelica is still sleeping in due to some sort of feral rage. Angelica awakes to find Reginald huddled in the corner, now completely coherent and claiming that he's "evolved against his own will" (even though all he had to do to stop it was not hold on to the Razor Claw at night) and despite Angelica's pleas, he leaves for her safety because he thinks he is now "vicious and more dark than the night", forcing Angelica and her sister nuns to clean up his mess.

Chris then interjects, apologizes for not giving the episode a title yet, and explains that the rest of the episode will be based on a script Waterman gave him in 2015, though Chris states that he has taken creative liberty to add more details to the story.

Back on December 18th, 2008, Simonchu and Sandy arrive at the Museum and give the mystery fossil to an unnamed Rosechu scientist (who Simonchu considers asking out). While they wait for the fossil to be revived, Simonchu expresses an intention to move to CWCville and Sandy explains that despite being less than a few months old she was placed in the fourth grade after what was presumably a basic intelligence test. The scientist Rosechu then returns, announcing that the revived fossil is a new species of Pokémon that has been dubbed the Bananasaur (a Grass/Dragon-type) and requests that Simonchu and Sandy breed it to obtain new Bananasaurs for research purposes.

The Bananasaur does not appear to be a normal Pokémon, as Sandy explains that it's not using whatever universal language Pokémon use to talk to one another to communicate. In fact, it appears to speak complete nonsense. At a nearby manga store, Punchy overhears what the Bananasaur is trying to tell Sandy--that he's a fan of Samurai Pizza Cats and AC/DC. Punchy enters the museum and begins to converse with the Bananasauros, who explains that he is the recently reincarnated spirit of someone who was struck by a car while listening to music on his phone while going to play vidya with his friends. Punchy offers the Bananasaur some Pocky, and Simonchu suggests that Punchy be the one to take care of the Bananasuar as nobody else can understand him.

Suddenly, the Bananasaur evolves into a banana-shaped dinosaur thing which Punchy dubs the Bananasauros (clearly meant to be Banana''saurus''). Punchy concludes that it must have been a friendship-induced evolution and takes the Bananasauros home. On the way to Punchy's house, the Bananasauros elaborates on his past life, claiming to be the reincarnated spirit of a high school "seinor", skateboarder, and "expert rad gamer" named David Rotgard. David the Bananasauros goes on to claim that he deserves his current fate, as shortly before his death he "cheaded Caitllyn on Henny". The two return home, and while David is happy to see that he can still operate a controller, Layla is upset that Punchy got a pet/adopted a baby/took in a random high schooler without so much as a phone call. Punchy promises to take care of their new friend, but Layla threatens to leave him if it becomes too much for her to handle. Punchy leaves to go play Call of Duty with his new roommate.

On December 22nd, Punchy takes David to the local Pokémon Day Care Center and forces him to have sex with a Ditto in the form of a female Bananasauros, telling him to suck it up. David is traumatized by the whole experience and sorely regrets every life decision he made that resulted in being reincarnated as a banana dragon thing. After the Ditto lays the eggs containing David's children, David requests that he be neutered so he never has to be raped by a Ditto again. Later in the week, Punchy takes David to Nabe's dojo to teach him how to fight. Punchy easily gains the upper hand, until David notices a skateboard propped up against a tree after being thrown through a wall.

David crashes through the wall on a skateboard and begins fighting Punchy again, right after the Sonichu had patched up the holes from their training session a few moments ago. Punchy complains that David "lacks discipline" and is offended that he'd consider bringing a skateboard onto "sacred ground", but fights him anyway. David beats Punchy, as his skateboarding-based fighting style is too unorthodox for Punchy to read, but as he stands over Punchy and gloats, a loose floorboard flings Punchy into David with enough force to send both of them to the hospital.

Punchy and David return home to find Layla packing her bags, furious that Punchy would continue to associate with David after the latter's antics landed them in the hospital. Layla tells Punchy to not bother trying to find her, that she's unfriended him on Facebook, and that she never wants to see him again. Layla then slugs the Bananasauros in the face and "devours part of his body", commenting that he doesn't even taste like a fruit. David tries to apologize to Punchy via the standard Chris format, but Punchy is too pissed at him for destroying his relationship in just four days of existing to care.

[[File:Bananasauros.jpg|thumb|A [[ween]]'s character getting beaten up by a [[troll]]'s character.]]

Chris then butts in, declaring that he's going to be summarizing the rest of the episode because "time is short" and he wants to get on to his original ideas already. He explains that Layla hooked up with Reginald and got a job working as a secretary with the local power company and that the two moved in with each other shortly after Christmas. Punchy grows increasingly distraught as David doesn't pick up after himself, does nothing but play video games, and hogs the TV so much that Punchy can't enjoy Samurai Pizza Cats (with Chris insulting Waterman for the latter's idea that the two could be best roommates). David is hired for odd jobs by Shin-Nabe as a form of discipline training.

The episode ends with Magi-chan deciding to butt in, explaining that he's been looking for the cast's Mega Stones since the end of Sonichu 10, that he's fully aware of whatever it is that Graduon's planning, and spoilers that Chris will "nullify" a "spot of havoc" at an SLGBTQ festival in 2009, presumably referring to something in Sonichu #12, while claiming that Chris will stop writing slice of life stories after that.

==Episode 24, Part 1: "The Clip Show: Catching Up"==

Taking place on August 21st, 2009, Episode 24 consists mostly of flashbacks in an attempt to form an approximation of clip show episode. The chapter displays that Chris doesn't understand how clip shows are supposed to work.

The comic opens with a confusing "behind-the-scenes prologue" in which Silvana Rosechu is getting ready to play a guest star in what she calls, "an episode of our history." She gets dressed and then transforms into Sonic the Hedgehog as a man with a name tag labeled "STAFF" tells her cameras are rolling.

Sonic comes across Sonichu and Rosechu in the mall carrying large amounts of bags while lamenting the lack of carts in malls. The three have a difficult to read conversation about sales "featuring the CWC-sclusives until Amy decides to go off to shop some more. Sonichu and Sonic sit down on a bench and catch up on the events in each other's lives since they last interacted in Sonichu 1.

Sonichu mentions his children as the scene transitions to 12:30 pm on February 17, 2009, at AnnWeston elementary school. The infobox also informs us that it is 65 degrees "Farenheit" for no apparent reason. Cera and Christine Rosey and Robbie Sonee are having a tea party when they are interrupted by a bully who throws a baseball at Robbie's head. Robbie retaliates with an electric attack, but it has no effect. The bully tries to get help from a police officer to no avail. He then calls for a boy named Dogson saying, "It's time to play for our team, boy." as he kisses him to get the officer's attention. The cop reveals himself to be a Jerkop by shouting, "There will be no love in the world of Graduon, kid!" turning to fight to attack the bully.

Enraged, Cera defeats the Jerkop with a series of thunder punches, paralyzing him. The bully runs away while Robbie and Cera celebrate. Cera evolves into Cera Rosechu, destroying her clothing. Robbie asks Cera how she feels, and she replies with, "I feel more knowledged. I feel stronger. my perception of things have changed a bit. I feel like I could take on the whole world! And then,... I feel a chill! Darn! I'm naked!" Robbie goes off to call Sonichu to bring Cera some clothes.

Cut back to the present with Sonichu and Sonic still talking on a bench. Sonichu explains how when Robbie evolved, he realized he was transexual, and after coming out to his sisters, doctors and Magi-Chan helped Robbie transition to Roberta. Sonichu claims that although he was "bothered some with that boy body dressing up girly," he eventually got used to it, and Roberta's transition was so effective that every day her breasts grew bigger, her face got smoother, and her belly got slimmer. Sonic is flabbergasted by all of this. Chris then shows up out of nowhere, and Sonic says she looks familiar. Sonichu explains she is Chris. Sonic is surprised and accuses Chris’s medallion of being fake. Chris then uses her medallion to transform into a feminine form of Chris Chan Sonichu, and Sonic is so astonished that his jaw drops. Sonichu grabs a microphone out of nowhere and introduces “Miss Chris Chan Sonichu” Chris then asks for his flashback to be played.

In this flashback, he explains that his transition to becoming a woman happened after his trip in 2015. He explains that in addition to finding a cure for homosexuality that would have only raised a "Zombie-Like army", he would have learned of the "epithany" that he was a woman all this time. After defeating [[Slaweel]] in battle, his TRUE womanhood came closer to him. The scene jumps to a flashback from ''[[Sonichu 10]]'', in which Slaweel was arrested. Chris, in his [[Colossal Chan]] form, is seen thinking to himself first about Slaweel's arrest and Count Graduon's destruction, and then about his feminine habits and nature back in High School. Comparing it to his experiences with the masculine, he finds it that he "actually don't like such brutish things". Looking deeper into himself, he felt more woman than his birth-gender male. He then felt that the more he opened himself towards that plausibility, he truly felt more at peace within himself. Suddenly, he yells out:

{{quote|[[The Incredible Lioness|'''''I am woman! Roar!''''']]}}

He then kneels down, feeling some sort of pain. Suddenly, his transformation changes! He changes from some hobo looking dude in a blue Sonichu costume to a beautiful woman that, like his previous incarnation and original form, obviously doesn't match his IRL physical appearance. His beard is removed, he is given breasts and his butt is tightened. After the transformation sequence, Chris is shocked by his new look. He looks into the mirror and sees that his new epiphany works well with him now. He also says that although he would switch to wearing skirts, his jeans still work well on him.

Then, the energies of the [[Sonichu Balls|Crystals]] departed from him and synced in with the energies that departed from Sonichu earlier, merging under the moonlight. From the ground, many people, including [[Magi-chan]], witnessed the crystals merging in front of the moon in the midnight skies. Suddenly, the Sonichu Crystal's shattered into a million fragments. These fragments took the form of Megastones from ''Pokémon X & Y''. One of these Mega Stones landed near Chris. He then claims to have seen these in the future (This could be explained by the fact that the events in this flashback took place on August 9, 2008, predating the release of ''Pokémon X & Y'' in 2013) and recognized it as a [[Sonichite]], or in this case a "Chrischansonichite".

The narration is then switched to Sonichu's POV. He was chilling with his wife, [[Rosechu]], and [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|his children]] when he witnessed the shattering of the Sonichu Crystals. They enjoyed the view, saying that it was like a "multi-exploding, very expensive Firework". Two of these Sonichu Crystal fragments landed near Rosechu and Sonichu. Upon picking them up, they both transformed. Rosechu transformed into [[The Incredible Lioness]] and Sonichu transformed into [[Ultra Sonichu]]. They both pointed at each other in shock. [[Cera Rosechu|Cera]] congratulated them on evolving. Rosechu and Sonichu were confused about how they evolved. Rosechu claimed that she wasn't feeling angry, which is required for her to transform into the Incredible Lioness, and Sonichu claimed that he gave up on his Ultra form a few hours ago. Then suddenly, the couple transformed back into their original form. Cera wasn't quite happy to see them deform while [[Robee Sonichu|Robee]] and [[Christine Rosechu|Christine]] were shocked to see what briefly happened to their parents.

The narration is switched back to Chris's POV. As said before, Magi-Chan saw the shattering of the Crystals. High above the CWCville Police Station, he foresaw his own unique Sonichite in the distance and, with his psychic powers, stopped it in its tracks and brought the Mega Stone to him. The other unique Mega Stones landed in various random places around [[CWCville]] and beyond, nowhere near [[Wild Sonichu|the]] [[Bubbles Rosechu|other]] [[Angelica Rosechu|members]] [[Punchy Sonichu|of]] the [[Chaotic Combo]].

The flashback ends when Chris said that he thought of putting his Sonichite on his medallion, but it was already within it upon contact, right in the center. He recognized this magic to be something else other than [[Cherokee]] magic. Sonichu then says that his species have pockets sewed inside their socks to store their Sonichites. Chris then says that he would've used a Barrette, but her hair isn't long enough yet and wasn't thinking of making his hair long before. He also felt disappointed that he was still a male human body throughout that night. It made him think, though, as Magi-chan would've confirmed the new functions inside his new female Sonichu form. He would "mix me-a and mix me-b, yada, yada, yada" and would give birth to [[Russel and Cynthia|Russel Sonee and Cynthia Rosey]]. As he was unwilling to parent the children he willfully created, he pushed them off onto Senorita [[Heather Iglesias]] instead. Chris claims to often visit them, to make sure they know that he is their mother.

Sonichu then tells Chris that he has digressed enough. He also says that Magi-Chan informed him and the rest of the other Sonichus that these Megastones cannot be used frequently and thus require recharging in between uses. He also says that they would allow them to use the Mega Stones as a last resort. Suddenly, Chris's receives a call from [[Bob Chandler]], who tells Chris to go to [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] to buy him some TV dinners and Soup. After the call ended, Chris then tells Sonichu and Sonic that he was heading to Wal-Mart to buy what his dad needs. He then heads off to Wal-Mart.

Sonichu and Sonic say goodbye to Chris. Sonic then says that he's hungry and tells Sonichu what time it is. Sonichu responds with 5:30 and realizes that they're were talking for three hours. Sonic then says that when he's not running, time does fly by for him. He then suggests moving this conversation to the food court. Sonichu asks if he would want to carry the food to the cart. Sonic then says that he's got a better idea and "would be right back". Sometime later, Sonichu is seen carrying the grocery bags and Sonic is seen with a shopping cart. Sonic proceeds to tell Sonichu that he hasn't stopped by Sears yet. Sonichu tells Sonic to be "enough with the gabbin'" and that he was loading the cart. Sonichu then tells Sonic that he would discuss the wedding after they ate.

==Comic pages==
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|48 pages, June 2017, Patreon-exclusive
|<gallery caption="Episode 23: Simonchu and Bananafunkle" mode="nolines" perrow="10">
File:S11-52.jpeg|Page 52
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File:SchuComic1180.jpg|Page 80 (Ad)
</gallery>
<gallery caption="Episode 24, Part 1: The Clip Show: Catching Up" mode="nolines" perrow="10">
File:SchuComic1181.jpg|Page 81
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</gallery>}}</center>

The last three pages contain a list of donors, as a sign of gratitude from Chris, which are only in the print version of the comic.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu #11 Trailer
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0hhhM_lfR-8}}
| stardate = 11 [[August 2011]]
| maker = archhalljr10
| subject = ''Sonichu'' #11
| type = Fan trailer
}}

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20170723172149/https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_11/Page_1 ''Sonichu'' #11]
* [https://archive.vn/x4nAF 2015 Pages of Sonichu 11] archived link but it's not interractive
* [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/that-one-issue.197/#post-20215 Mirror of Sysop's FALSE and DISHONEST version of pages 13-38]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Aunt Corrina

2022-04-29T08:00:04Z

Got2Hands:

{{quote|[[Chris and Remorse|I'm also shedding a tear again]] for my Aunt Corina. I'm hoping her funeral is not on my birthday, because I'm planning on going to this Pancake Dinner that my church is holding on that day. a week ago, my [[Rocky Shoemaker|pastor]] said I can come and they would celebrate my birthday as well. but if the funeral is on my birthday, then I hope I can return in time to make the Pancake Dinner.|Chris, caring more about pancakes, [[BlueSpike Skype Logs 11]]}}

'''Aunt Corrina''' (full name '''Corrina Weston Carey Inge''';<ref name="corrina obituary"><s>[http://www.woodfuneralservice.com/obituary.aspx?MemberId=55269&MName=Corrina%20Weston%20Carey%20Inge Obituary of Corrina Weston Carey Inge]</s> Dead Link [https://archive.vn/P5Bey an archive of the Obituary]</ref> [[Pre-1980#1930s|26 January 1934]] – 21 [[February 2009]]<ref>[https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/35862335/corrina-weston-inge Corrina's Find A Grave page]</ref>) was [[Barbara]]'s older sister and one of [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris's]] favorite aunts. She was also the person from whom the Chandlers bought their dog [[Patti Chandler]].

Corrina lived in [[Chris's homes#Family in South Virginia|Red Oak, Virginia]], her and Barbara's hometown, and the Chandlers occasionally drove down to Red Oak to visit her and other Weston family members while she was alive.<ref>[[Patti Chandler#Eulogy for Patti, as written by Chris]]</ref> Corrina was married twice, first to Edward Carey and later to [[Minor Family Members#Uncle Raymond|Raymond Inge]]. She was the grandmother of [[Minor Family Members#Jonathan Carey|Jonathan Carey]] by way of her first husband.

__TOC__

{{clear}}

==Death and legacy==
Corrina died on 21 [[February 2009]] and was buried on 24 February, thus ruining Chris's twenty-seventh [[Chris's birthday|birthday]] as a posthumous [[trolls|troll]]. The day she was buried was also the Christian holiday of {{w|Shrove Tuesday}} (a.k.a. "Fat Tuesday" or Mardi Gras), when some Christian churches including Chris's traditionally give pancake dinners. Unsurprisingly, Chris cared more about the fact that he missed out on stuffing his autistic face with pancakes than he did the funeral of his "beloved" aunt.

In the days leading up to Corrina's death [[Julie]] insisted that Chris visit her in the hospital, but Barb dissuaded him. He did get the chance to tell Corrina he loved her over the phone before she died.<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2#A wild Snorlax appears!]]</ref>

In the [[Father Call]], Chris tries to convince Mr. Devoria that he has gone through some hardships in his life, bringing up his aunt's passing as an example.

In his phone call to Lars, Chris swore on her grave he would not spend any more money on the [[PlayStation 3]]. He predictably failed to keep his word.

According to Chris, after Corrina's death he and his mother became hated by the entire Weston family.<ref>[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref>

==Spelling of name==
Further suggesting a lack of familial closeness, Chris consistently spells her name "Corina", but the spelling "'''Corrina'''" appears on her obituary<ref name="corrina obituary"/> and a peoplefinders notice.<ref>[http://www.peoplefinders.com/search/preview.aspx?searchtype=people-name&fn=Corrina&mn=&ln=Inge&city=Red%20Oak&state=VA&age=&utm_source=radaris&utm_campaign=results Peoplefinders search]</ref>

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:0038-AuntCorinaAndDad.jpg|[[Bob Chandler|Bob]] and Corrina in the mid-1980s.
Image:0042-BarbaraCorinaHerrietAndElvis.jpg|Corrina with [[Barbara]], Harriet and Elvis.
Image:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|Barb, Corrina, Tom and Harriet.
Image:Corrina's Gravestone.jpg|Corrina's gravestone.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Chris and death]]
*[[Aunt Harriet and Uncle Tom]]

==References==
<references/>

{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Weston Carey Inge, Corrina}}
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Dead]]

Tiffany Gowen

2022-04-29T01:10:32Z

Got2Hands:

[[File:Tiffany.jpg|thumb|Unlike Chris, Tiffany has only one face so you know she's honest.]]
{{Quote| Tiffany Gowen; she was really good to me. She reminded me of a [[Peanuts]] character, Peppermint Patty, and she and I were close, yet separate, like Patty and Charlie Brown.|Chris<ref>[[DVD_Slideshow_Transcripts]]</ref>}}
'''Tiffany Nicole Gowen''' was a "[[Things Chris has ripped off#Peanuts|Peppermint Patty]]-type" [[gal pal]] of [[Chris]]'s from [[Manchester High School|high school]], as well as "a bit of a [[Tomgirl|tomboy]]". Despite the fact that they haven't spoken in fourteen years, Chris remains obsessed with reestablishing contact with her.

==In High School==
Chris remembered that "she was really good to me" in high school, and has described their [[Chris_and_socialization|relationship]] as "close, yet separate, like [Peppermint] Patty and Charlie Brown".<ref name="dvd5">[[:File:0309-CWCNote5.jpg|DVD, note 5]]</ref> They sat together for lunch, and she attended his eighteenth birthday party. Tiffany was the only student to console Chris when he cried and ran away during graduation.<ref>[[:File:0568-GraduationNote3.jpg|DVD, graduation note 3]]</ref> Presumably she was one of the few individuals to willingly show kindness and tolerance for him, whether out of sympathy or general good-heartedness.

Chris's greatest memory of her, which he will never forget,<ref name="dvd5"/> concerns their [[Manchester High School#The Senior Prom|senior prom]] where Tiffany was dared to play [[America]]'s second favorite game – [[Kick the Autistic|dance the autistic]]:

{{quote|But that night, my trusted "Peppermint Patty"-Type Gal-Pal, Tiffany Gowen, asked me to dance with her. I hesitated at first, but she grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the dance floor. We danced for what felt like hours. It was the most pleasant experience of that night, and I thank her for dancing with me then. I hope to return the favor at our [[Manchester High School#Reunion plans|Reunion]].|Chris<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile]]</ref>}}

==Since high school==
The emptiness Chris found in life after high school caused him to idealize that period of his life and the people he had known then. Tiffany held a special place in his memories because he believed that her request to dance meant that she was attracted to him. Unfortunately, because he was "[[naïve]] about dating", he had not asked her out. When he discovered the concept of [[dating]] at age 21, he became convinced that if only he could see her again, they could become sweethearts. Alternatively, he yearned to travel back in time and ask her out in 2000.<ref>[[January 2012 Facebook Posts]]</ref> "[[The High School Story]]" features a gender-switched Tiffany, "Tippanston Gowen", who dances with the female main character at Senior Prom, and follows it up with not only a "long and good" kiss, but a marriage proposal. Chris's efforts to organize both the ten-year and fifteen-year Manchester High School reunions were largely driven by his focus on "paying her back" with another dance and "[[Chris and sex|finding closure]]" with her.<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Tiffany nostalgia]]</ref> He called her "my closest friend", even though, remember, they hadn't exchanged words since the millennium.<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref>

Chris habitually refers to Tiffany admiringly as a "tomboy", leading many to suspect that his focus on her is somehow related to his [[tomgirl|gender issues]].

In [[2011]], ten years since he had last seen "Tiff", Chris made a special [[LittleBigPlanet]] dedication to her, in the hope that she would see it and contact him.<ref>[[Autism Tutorial]]</ref> For most of [[2013]] he intensified his efforts to track her down. In August, Chris posted on the [[CWCki Forums]] to ask if any [[trolls]] knew how to get in touch with her.<ref>[[CWCki Forums#Re: Tiffany_Gowen]]</ref> In October, Chris stated on Facebook that he has been attempting to contact Tiffany but had been unable to do so.<ref>[[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking]]</ref> "Tiffany Gowen...Where are you? I feel so lost right now...", he lamented.<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#More Tiff nostalgia]]</ref> A leaked email suggested she was disturbed by his activities post-graduation and had purposely made it difficult for Chris to track her down. However, this email was probably among the gal-pal material fabricated by trolls, so even if it isn't true that she's in hiding, the trolls have saved her from being contacted and harassed by a washed-up autistic transvestite.

For better or worse, in October 2013, [[Thetan]] impersonated Chris's former high school gal-pals and persuaded him that none of them had been real friends, that they had pretended to like him out of pity and/or because [[Bob]] had, via the principal, asked them to. The shock of this revelation caused him to reevaluate Tiffany, but unfortunately made him even more eager to track her down and interrogate her. In September 2014 he forwarded at least one email to Thetan-posing-as-Tiffany saying "I still want to be friends with you again". Thetan-posing-as-Tiffany's recommendation that he "kindly fuck off" only puzzled him, and he still wanted to "clear the air". Only when his sweetheart [[Catherine]] became upset did he drop his pursuit of Tiffany.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails]]</ref> He finally admitted that their storied dance at prom had probably been a "set up arrangement" like the rest of her sham friendship.<ref>[[Catherine E-mails#Ex-gal pals]]</ref>

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:415-CWCWeekP9 crop 2.jpg|Gazing at Chris during lunch break, Tiffany sees only a child in need.
File:0487-CWC18th18.jpg|Tiffany (far right) with other gal-pals on Chris's [[My big 18th party|18th birthday party]].
File:0549-Prom11.jpg|Tiffany consoles [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] during [[Manchester High School#The Senior Prom|seinor prom]].
File:TiffanyTriesToGetAway.png|Chris fondles [[Little Big Planet|Sackgirl]] Tiffany in the [[Autism Tutorial]].
File:Tiffany Gowen.jpg|[[Lego]] Tiff.
</gallery>
</center>

== References ==
<references />

{{HighSchoolSaga}}
{{Love Quest}}
{{People}}

[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:Sweethearts]]

Joseph Herring

2022-04-29T01:03:45Z

Got2Hands:

[[Image:0245-JosephWHerring98.jpg|thumb|left|Joe in real life...]]
[[Image:JoeHerring.jpg|right|thumb|right|120px|...and as Chris depicted him.]]
{{Quote|In my Freshman Year, I was selected to be Manager/Water Boy for the Varsity Basketball Team. With my partner, who was Junior, Josheph Herring. He and I were good buddies. He confided in me his dating experiences with his ex-girlfriend then (I can't remember her name, but I'm sure she would remember). Poor fellow; that night she dumped him, he cried all by his lonesome in the cold all that night. I empathized with him, and I was able to help him cheer up. I lost touch with him after he graduated Class of 1998, yet I wonder what's he been up to and how he has been.|Chris, on his [[Chris's Wikipedia profile|Wikipedia profile]]}}

'''Joseph Herring''' (born 14 December 1979) was one of Chris's few male "buddies". They were water boys for the varsity basketball team at [[Manchester High School]]. Two years older, Joseph told Chris about his girlfriend, whose name may have been Lindsay. Chris consoled him when he got dumped.<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#The Teenage Years]]</ref> According to Chris, she gave him a "bum steer".<ref>[[:Image:0232-CWCNote3.jpg|DVD 99]]</ref> Chris once rode in Joseph's Jeep when the buses failed to turn up for a game.<ref>[[:Image:0232-CWCNote3.jpg|DVD 99]]</ref>

Joseph (later [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] as '''Joe Herr''') appears in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] only during a time travel storyline. He is depicted in the comic with a ripped vest, messy brown hair and a bad case of acne. It was presumed that [[Manchester High School|Manchester High]] employs the use of the [[Slow-in-the-minds|mentally handicapped]] and horribly disfigured students to clean jockstraps and refill water bottles. The reasons given in the comic for his breakup with his girlfriend involve an incident in a restaurant involving "spilled soup" and "[[Homos|tossed salad]]". A pimply character similar to Joe appears in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]] with a girlfriend, both of whom are split apart due to [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s quest to [[Virginia is for Virgins|make true love illegal in Virginia]]. It is unknown if this throwaway character is intended to be Joe.

When high-res images from the [[DVD]] slideshow were released, it was discovered that Joseph was in fact a good-looking young man with a clean face and neat black hair; it is likely that Chris drew him horribly disfigured [[Chris and his Ego|to make himself look good]] in comparison. The [[LEGO]] figure Chris made of Joe in 2014 is somewhat closer to his actual appearance.

Joe now lives in [[Wikipedia:High Point, North Carolina|High Point, North Carolina]].<ref>[https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100010648302430&sk=about Facebook]</ref>
{{-}}

==References==
[[File:Herring.jpg|right|thumb|[[LEGO]] Joe. Chris made this in [[2014]], long after Joe had forgotten all about him.]]
<references/>

{{HighSchoolSaga}}
{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Herring, Joseph}}
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Animal Crossing Documentary

2022-01-03T04:05:54Z

Got2Hands:

The '''''[[Animal Crossing]]''''' '''Documentary''' is an hour-long video featured on [[Chris]]'s homemade [[DVD]]. Here, you can watch 21-year-old [[Chris]] reach the peak of his maturity, as he immerses himself in a video game targeted for kids on one cold November afternoon. Because of how the video is made (gameplay with the player commentating), this could mean Chris created one of the first-ever video {{w|Let's Play|Let's Plays}}.

==Analysis==
The video offers tours of two different towns saved on two different memory cards. The town of [[CWCville]] is home to [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], who wears a Sonichu outfit. The town of CWC City is home to [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]], who wears a [[Rosechu]] outfit.

Some of the narration centers around Chris complaining to [[Nintendo]] about his many personal problems. One can only imagine how the hapless ''Nintendo Power'' employee tasked with watching this video felt at hearing Chris [[Honest Content|constantly bring up]] his [[Virgin with rage|virginity and lack of a girlfriend]]. He expects the company to remember his [[fan]] letters regarding his dreams. He also implies that the company should send him [[Chris and reality|birthday presents]], reissue trading cards that went out of print so Chris can collect them, and adopt his fan characters as official [[Pokémon]]. He also expresses his [[Brand loyalty|distaste]] for [[Sony|the PlayStation and the PS2]], but speaks fondly of many obsolete consoles he owns that weren't made by Nintendo. He also mentions he dislikes a ''{{w|Beyblade: Super Tournament Battle|Beyblade}}'' game because it's "not real" (which is [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|disturbing]] in retrospect).

Chris has spent an exorbitant amount of [[Chris and money|money]] on ''Animal Crossing'', purchasing not only the base game (retailing at $49.99) but also a number of relatively obscure hardware add-ons that add functionality to the game, including the Game Boy Advance link cable (MSRP $10.00), the e-Reader (retailing at around $40.00) and numerous e-Reader cards. Chris's propensity for blind brand loyalty and consumerism is on full display here: although the aforementioned e-Reader was maligned by many Nintendo fans and is largely forgotten today, Chris fell for it hook, line and sinker, mentioning that he owns a whopping ''63'' e-Reader cards (which, considering each pack of ''Animal Crossing'' cards included five cards and retailed for $5.00, means that Chris spent a minimum of $60.00 on cards alone, assuming that the leftover 3 cards were freebies that were found loose and not purchased).

[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]' [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|debut album]] is featured prominently, as Chris sings several of the songs aloud and has the CD on repeat playing quietly in the background. "[[Yellow is a Mellow Color]]" plays at least three times in the span of an hour. He also sings along to parts of the game. Much like the boatman Charon ferried the souls of the damned to Hades, a character shuttles Sonichu across a river while Chris sings in the voice that got him fired from [[Wendy's]]. The singing becomes high-pitched gibberish after two stanzas.

There are a few odd moments, like where Chris compares two fighting insects to ''[[I Love Lucy]]'', says a [[Niggos|dark-skinned]] hippopotamus reminds him of ''{{w|Sanford and Son}}'', and talks about his strained relationship with his father. Chris also doesn't mention the {{w|Joy to the World (Hoyt Axton song)|bullfrog character named Jeremiah}}, showing his ignorance of popular [[Chris and music|music]] outside of 90's teen pop and the older music [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] liked. Also, he will gladly [[Chris and work#Chores|pull weeds]] in this game but not in [[Father Call|real life]].

Chris mentions "profit" from selling in-game items over and over again. This in no way involves real money and is just Chris selling easily-found items dropped by the game to purchase more furniture and crap, which he finds validating. Chris probably enjoys the game because it showers him with rewards for completing simple tasks, none of which are challenging or stressful.

Chris mentions that his favorite of the NES games available to play in-game is ''{{w|Donkey Kong Jr. Math}}'' because it "really [[Slow-in-the-minds|challenges the mind]] in the math area". The math featured in the game is simple arithmetic that should be well below the average middle schooler's level, much less that of a 21-year-old college student who supposedly graduated high school on the [[honor roll]].

This "[[documentary]]" also provides insight into how Chris projects his own lifestyle onto a video game. His hoarding enters the realm of video games, as he uses his island house to store almost a dozen dressers full of in-game objects. His two houses are full of clutter, his in-game bedrooms look eerily like [[Chris's room|his own]] (right down to a small bed surrounded by clutter), and he refers to every generic "nice" female character as being [[sweetheart|sweet]], and being a genuine [[gal pal|friend]] of his.

This is Chris at his most infantile, immersing himself in a game full of soft animal characters with no conflict or challenge. Throughout the documentary, Chris tells jokes that [[Random access humor|don't make sense in the given context]] and [[Chris and music|plays his poorly dubbed versions of pop songs]]. Note that most of the animals in the game immediately run into their houses whenever Chris tries to go near them.

==Video==
<center>{{Infobox/video
| name=Animal Crossing Documentary
| ytid = 5QtOj7rNFCY
| stardate = 22nd [[November 2003]]
| maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}, {{Website|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Reason|[[Honest Content|Informative]]}}
| Other = {{Direct Feed|text}}, {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[The City of Cwicville Tour!#Watch|The City of Cwicville Tour]]
| next = [[The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special#Part 1|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special]]
}}</center>

===Outline===

{| class="wikitable"
| 00:01-01:24 || Introduction
|-
| 01:25-19:39 || Tour of Cwcville (part 1 of 2)
|-
| 19:40-25:19 || Trip to Cwcville Island
|-
| 25:20-35:24 || Tour of Cwcville (part 2 of 2)
|-
| 35:25-36:44 || Interlude
|-
| 36:45-52:39 || Tour of Cwc City
|-
| 52:40-53:39 || Interlude
|-
| 53:40-55:54 || Conclusion
|}

==Transcription==

'''Introduction'''

[''Video begins with the Nintendo GameCube startup logo as Chris sings along like a retard, followed by the Nintendo logo with Chris saying "Nintendo."'']

[00:24]

Hello Nintendo! Welcome to my ''Animal Crossing'' for Nintendo GameCube. I am your host. My name is Christian Weston Chandler. I live in [[Ruckersville]], Virginia and I is [''sic''] 21 years old and I play because I am young at heart. So anyway we are going to take a tour of my ci-ty...in ''Animal Crossing''.

[''Goes to main menu'']

[00:48]

The city's name is CWCville. See, those are my initials CWC. That's why it is spelled that way.

[''Picking menu options'']

[01:01]

And my character's name is Sonichu. You may remember him from, ahh, previous letters I have sent to you guys in the past.

[01:10]

[''Game starts to load town'']

Anyway we are going to get set up now. [''Chris starts singing'']

[''Game is done loading'']

We usually do have a good time.

[1:25]

So anyway, stepping out is my character [[Sonichu]]. He's wearing the [[Chris and fashion|clothes]] with the character on it. Like I said you might remember his face. And there's his actual face.

[''Shows a sign with the face of Sonichu on it'']

You remember the rest of his body you see the whole picture.

And before we get to the daily routines I'm goin' let you...I'm goin' to take you on a tour of my [[house]] as well as uh, as well as you know, uh, a daily routine. We'll take a tour of the town, but first the house. You see this logo here, that is the logo to [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|my website on the internet]]. If you would like to visit, here is the address. I'm going to leave it up for a few seconds.

[''Shows the address to his website for a few seconds'']

[2:02]

Alright, that's enough. Now we're gonna take a [[Tour of Chris's House|tour of my house]].

Turn on the light so you can see better. This is my first floor, obviously. I keep things well organized. I got room to walk around in; I can even dance, wanna see me do I bit?

[''Chris begins to sing'']

[[Yellow Is a Mellow Color|Yellow is a mellow color]] 
Yes it is a mellow color 
Sonichu zaps a lightning 
EEEEEHHHHH mellow color 

[''Chris stops singing'']

Yeah. Course...a...when I, a...do a dance...I usually like to have my uh...audience.

[''Chris puts a wallpaper up on his house, resembling wrestling fans who just witnessed a Stone Cold Stunner.'']

Dodedododododoo. But since it's getting close to [[Christmas]], I have the snowflakes on the wall instead. And I keep it in this closet. So anyway here's a fun thing. This snowman, he teach me how to play piano. And by the way just to let you know in case...a...you can hear the, a...music in the background.

[''Chris appears to be playing [[So Need a Cute Girl]]'']

Those are my karaoke numbers that I actually ma...that I actually made up lyrics to, and I have played and, uh, sang my voice over the originals. So let me give you an example; may I Mister Snowman? "Please go right ahead!" Alright.

[''Chris begins to sing again while Sonichu bangs on the piano, which emits no sound'']

[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Tell me why]] 
I'm stuck as a 
[[Virgin with Rage]]? 
[[Semen#Recycling|Tell me why]] 
I so need a 
Cute Girl my age 
[[Medallions_of_Fail|Tell me why]] 
I never wanna 
Hear you say 
I have a boyfriend!

[''Chris stops singing'']

And that was inspired by a [[Love Quest|real thing]]. By the way that's your website...that is your website isn't it? Nintendo.com, it's a nice place to visit; but we cannot live there. Which brings us up to our next subject...

[''A calendar of November appears on the screen'']

...the [[diary]]. You guys did a good job of it going back and forth within a 12 month radius. By the way, this is my birthday, right here my actual birthday, I was born in 1982. You guys...in case you want to take a note there. OK, that's long enough. So anyway uh, it does make a...not only does it work for a calendar, but it makes for a good monthly journal. As for a monthly journal entry here in November.

[''Chris begins to scroll up and down his journal entry'']

Yeah I tried to get a girlfriend because, I don't have a girlfriend. But I have made up a poem, let you guys read it.

{{quotebox|My dreams of getting a girlfriend was crushed by the medeling [''sic''] [[Mary_Lee_Walsh|"Mary Lee Walsh."]] 
Christian Chandler. 
November 4, 2003 
Saddest Heart in the World 
Lonesome and sad, lonesome and sad, the "Mastermind" is very bad. In efforts of getting a [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend-Free gal]], that female dog took my only idea for a fall. Heart-broken, sad and very lonely, I'll never remove my virginity. And with Backstreet Boys' tune, I sing my lonesome croon: "Tell me why I'm stuck as a virgin with rage. Tell me why, I so need a...}}

All right. Scroll down a little bit as we go along.

''...cute girl my age. Tell me why, I ain't ever wanna hear you say 'I have a boyfriend.'" And so, deep in dreary thought, a girl was what I sought. A stitch in time, will never remove my...''

It's a very good pro...poem, because I am an artist, as well as a poet. I make a rhyme every time.

''...crying rhyme. I may be destined for loneliness forever, fate is to blame...whatever. I conclude this cry, to say that as long as there are no matching girls, my happiness well runs dry.''

Anyway that's my poem, but in case...a, you didn't notice here. Look right here, "Tell me why, I'm stuck as a virgin with rage." I put my song lyric in here because it was inspired; because I do not have a girlfriend. You know why, cause I have a [[Noviophobia|phobia]] that every girl I talk to she already has a boyfriend.

Right. So anyway moving on with the tour of my house. As you can see I've got- I'm collecting the NES games. I've got most of them down here, and I've got a couple upstairs. One of 'em's fake you know the one I'm talking about, does April 1st strike a bell? But my favorite game is right here.

[''"Would you like to play 
DK Jr MATH?"'']

I like it because...a, it really challenges the mind in the math area and gets your memory fresh there. And by the way, notice the two logos here?

[''Chris is making a motion towards the GameCube and N64 logos'']

It's a good way to welcome the guests, that come into your house. Ol' Nintendo 64 on the left, and GameCube on the right, caught them before an after deal. Oh and look at this, a good little south feng shui here. Of course makes for a good welcome mat. Speaking of feng shui, I've got my red items against the east side, in hopes of getting more NES games; specially that Wario's Woods. By the way, how the heck do you get that game anyway? I mean all you tell us do to is to go to Animal Island. And then what the heck do we do? You should have given us more details, back in the previous issue of uh, the Crossing Guardian.

Speaking of which I've been a long time subscriber. So therefore I've got all their previous issues. And I time travel back and forth when I start ''Animal Crossing'' to collect a few items, but in respect to uh...time traveling back because I missed a few items, I made a new character named "Tim Timetale" and, uh, he time-traveled back and got the remaining items, give them to me, as well as the other character I made up, and, uh, the, uh, the other city in Slot B, which, uh, I'll tell you about that later.

[6:45]

[''Character walks up stairs to the second floor of house'']

Anyway, we're going upstairs. This is my [[Chris's room|bedroom]]. It's a lot of fun, isn't it, because I like to make things fun since, you know, I'm young at heart. And here's a fun joke. Turn on the [[TV]] [''he does, but it just shows static''] sit down and watch TV while I wait t-to get on the [[Internet]]. It's a good way to kill time anyway. Anyway, here's the fake [''brings up caption for the April Fool's NES game, Super Tortimer'']. Sound familiar? Right [''[[sigh|sighs]]'']. Anyway, this is my bed. The harvest bed. Nice choice, isn't it? I'm going to take a quick nap.

[7:17]

[''Character lays down on bed while Chris makes snoring noises too close to the microphone'']

OK. Nap's over. All right. You want to see my music collection? [''Brings up music menu''] It's all good. I got them all courtesy of K.K. Slider. Well, of course, the first one was a freebie from the e-Reader card. "Swipe, Swipe, Swipe". Anyway, here's the fan and the Mario Brothers stuff. Oh, and uh you notice what time it is? It's 1:15. Good time to start. In the afternoon.

[7:48]

[''Character walks down stairs to first floor of house'']

Anyway, now we're going down to the basement.

[''Character walks down stairs to the basement of house'']

Let me just turn on the lights. I keep my models down here. It's a nice little aero fa [sic] models, and I leave enough room for me to walk around in. Well, that's a cute joke.

''"Hey. Stop. You're under arrest."'' 
''"What for?"'' 
''"For, uh, being the black market, you red fox."'' 
''"Ah, geez."'' 

And I got both houses. Yeah, I scored that high with the HRA. Notice this train? I wonder where it's headed to. It's probably headed over to the memory card in Slot B. I'll tell you about that city later. Anyway. This is where I do my cooking. If, uh, if you can ever do your cooking in ''Animal Crossing'' for Nintendo GameCube. I have that DVD. And this is the fridge. I could store my food in there, but I can't. What? Does it have a padlock on it or something? Oh, look. Here's my phone. Let's make a phone call. [''Pulls up phone menu, calling the Dial-a-Psychic''] Hello? Thank you. Good advice. Hey. Let's have a seat on this thing. I like this thing. Listen to this. [''Character sits on the couch and it makes a fart noise'']. Let me do that again. [''Character again jumps on the farting couch''] One more time. [''Character again jumps on farting couch with predictable results''] OK. That's enough. Too much fun and [[Random-access humor|you'll die laughing]].

[9:04]

[''Character walks up stairs to first floor of house'']

So anyway, that's my house. Let me just turn off the lights before I leave.

[''Character walks out the front door of house'']

Alright, now where going to go through my daily routines. As well as a tour of the town.

[''Pause menu pops up'']

You notice I've got an empty inventory. And by the way, here's a good rule of thumb. Keeping my shovel, net, pole, axe, and letters here on the bottom row. You know why? I'll tell you bout that when we get to the Nook shop. Anyway, I usually check my mail; what do you know I got three presents. Let's see what this one is though. [[Bob]].

''How ARE you, Sonichu? Well now, I bet your bottom Bell you didn't expect me to cut out and split town, huh? Nope, I shocked the world! I'm turning over a new leaf- see you on the flip side! Laters, Bob''

Oh I guess he moved out, oh well.

[''Sonichu proceeds to throw out poor Bob's letter, then collect his gifts from the remaining letters'']

Anyway, let's see what we got from the, uh, probably from the museum; because I dig up those fossils and uh...I sell them. Makes a nice profit.

[''Sonichu throws away all three letters'']

I just quickly uh read through them and then throw them away. You know like...junk mail! You could also say pop-ups if they had "x's" on em.

[''Sonichu begins to open his gifts'']

See what we got here, A dinosaur track, a Tricera tail, and a dinosaur egg. Well that'll make a nice profit. By the way, in case you missed it the first time I'll put it up again.

[''Once again shows the address to his website'']

Ok you got it, alright now. Before we head to Nook's shop which will be the last stop on the tour; we go- we're gonna take the rest of the tour here. Alright let's see. Well this is the train station. But I travel to the other city which I'll tell you about now. The name of the city is CWCcity. Spelled C-W-C-c-i-t-y, we'll visit there later, but not by train of course. It'll be a hou-It'll be a run by the, uh, character named [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(sister)|Crystal]], C-r-y-s-t-a-l, when we get there. All right. Oh, look at this, a hole in the ground.

[''opens the menu to equip his golden shovel'']

Yeah, you see, sometimes there's an item in CWCcity. I don't have it here in CWCville because I have CWCville a lot longer than CWCcity. I bring stuff from CWCcity over here.

[''he digs up the buried item - it's a folding chair'']

'Cause obviously I did not collect this one yet. I got a good memory.

[''Sonichu screws up and digs another hole; he cleans both of them up'']

And also, you know, I got a good taste for music because I grew up on music. So anyway let's move on with- oh, you notice this [a golden statue of Sonichu]? You know why this is here?

[''This statue was erected in honor of Sonichu's full loan repayment!'']

I paid my debt. And this is Sonichu's mug again, right next to the master.

[''Sonichu runs past a sign reading "H.F.A." with two almost invisible red eyes'']

Oh, look at this. H.F.A. And very mean eyes. Must mean something bad. ...I know what it means. I'll tell you about it at the end of the documentary here. Uh, the city of CWCville and CWCcity, or otherwise all the deal [?] in ''Animal Crossing'' for Nintendo GameCube, in a nutshell.

[''Sonichu enters the acre with the post office on it'']

So anyway, here's the post office, do my mailing and such and the e-Reader swipes. By the way there's a good way to profit from the e-Reader, I'll tell you about it in CWCcity.

[''Sonichu comes across a shining ring in the ground'']

Oh, what do you know! A money spot. I'll just dig up the thousand bells.

[''Sonichu pulls a shovel out of his inventory and digs up the money sack'']

Yep, thousand bells, just bury that up. Mmm, drag it up there. Use the R button to quickly pick up the items.

[''Sonichu enters the acre with the dump in it, he enters it'']

Anyway, here's the dump. I come here first, pick up the- whatever items I want every time I start ''Animal Crossing''. Hmm, got a shirt, what do we have here? A plant. I's have picked up a pothos before so I know it's a plant.

[''Sonichu starts wandering into some acres filled with trees'']

I don't really use plants in my house you n-n-noticed, except for that Christmas Tree but that's for, you know, the holidays. Anyway she's around here, I want to show you my favorite character that I kind of got to know from the start.

[''Sonichu finds his way into an acre with a house on it'']

Oop, she just went in. So let's go say hello.

[''Sonichu follows some green squirrel into a house and rams into it'']

Yeah uhm, uhm, would you come out here please?

[''Sonichu walks back into the center of the room and back into the green squirrel, he pushes it into a corner'']

Mmm... Darnit, I can't see her but anyway uh, I think you recognize her. Oh here we go a little bit. Yeah Mint, she's a sweety.

[''Sonichu talks to Mint about some random crap'']

She gave me a birthday present on my 21st birthday when I time-traveled back. Talk to me!

[''Mint rambles on about how it's cold out and how winter's coming'']

Well, what did ya expect? It's November.

[''Mint asks Sonichu if he has a heater'']

Yeah I got a heater in the basement.

[''Mint jokingly mocks him about turning on heaters during November'']

[Chris chuckles] Yea.

[''Mint says something about how it's going to get colder'']

That's right. Well, I'll see you later Minty, you're a sweety.

[''Sonichu leaves Mint's house'']

Anyway that's uhh all so on the trip. We'll take a look at all the other colorful characters we have around here.

[''The town map comes up, different acres are examined'']

Also uh every time I keep track of the-uh map so that I can see if anyone new came in. Oh, we got a new neighbor, Bertha. I haven't noticed her before. So she's obviously new. So anyway uh, let's move on.

[''Sonichu starts running through the woods and comes across some kangaroo'']

Here's another character I grew up with. Actually she moved in, and lived here most of the time. Marcy. And now she's wearing a Sonichu shirt. Sonichu is very popular in CWCville.

[''Sonichu heads south to an acre with some green mouse's house in it'']

There's Anicotti, she just went in.

[''Sonichu heads west and finds some horse's house'']

And there's Elmer. He just went in, he's one of the senior citizens around here too. I say that because he's lived here- by the way our ne- our city pe- fruit is a peach. But I've grown a lot of orange, pears n such.

[14:15]

[''Sonichu heads west and finds a white cat, she says something about how CWCville is amazing'']

Oh whaddya' know, it's that girl from the train.

[''He talks to Blanca'']

I draw her face every time, but when I'm in a hurry I just color it, the whole thing, and she just looks like a... ''Blank face''. But I gave her a face last time.

[''Sonichu starts to head out of the acre but turns around and runs back in, [[Yellow Is a Mellow Color]] begins to play in the background. Chris's "singing" is clearly audible'']

Oh, there was another character up here on the hill.

[''Sonichu heads to a goat's house by a river'']

And she just came out, Chevre. What do you know, she's wearing Elmer's clothes.

[''Sonichu runs out of that acre back into the woods'']

Anyway, moving on with the tour.

[''Sonichu comes to some giant tree with a fountain thing in front of it, Chris mistakes it for a well. Some billboards are to the right of it'']

Well, [Chris chortles] good joke. Anyway I also, you know I like to use the billboards, put my signs up. There's my Sonichu site logo, there's Sonichu's mug. I got two here side by side represent the holidy and such. Yea here we got your corn that you got from the previous issue and I drew this leaf.

[''It doesn't look like a leaf'']

Obviously for Thanksgiving and the harvest festival.

[''A blue bear walks into the video'']

Oh, look there's Groucho. He's wearin' a Sonichu site shirt. Let's say hello.

[''Sonichu starts speaking with Groucho'']

Entertain me.

[''Groucho bitches about his mom and fruit'']

A fruit huh?

[''Groucho offers Sonichu an apple, Sonichu accepts'']

I-I'll take one. Yeah, it makes a nice little profit when you talk to them and most of the time it happens from the jobs.

[''Sonichu walks east and comes across a green lion's house'']

So anyway. Yeah, here's Leopold, he moved in a long time-

[''Sonichu makes his way to a green rooster's abode'']

Here's Hank, he's one of the senior citizens around here also. [unintelligible]

[''Sonichu runs to a teal hippo's house'']

Let's go see our new neighbor. Oh, here she is. She must be Bertha. Hello Bertha.

[''Sonichu talks to Bertha, Bertha talks about how nice the town is, etc.'']

It is a nice place. Heh you're scatterbrained. Yeah, okay, well see you around!

[''Sonichu heads south towards a museum'']

[Chris Grunts] Here's the Museum.

[''Sonichu heads inside'']

Let's go look at the exhibits.

[''We see the inside of the museum as Sonichu heads toward the insect section'']

First, we'll look at the bug exhibit.

[''Sonichu is now inside the insect section'']

I caught most of the bugs.

I'll show 'ya. This is my bug collection, I caught them all one-by-one and donated them one-by-one.

[[I Got A Fish|Wanna' see my number of fish?]] Not as much. Not as much. Anyway, uh, all the bugs are just runnin' around here. Hey, whaddya' know, we got a couple- few bugs on the trees here. Two of them are fighting. Well, that's funny, like [[cats|Lucy and Desi]]. [[I Love Lucy|I love Lucy]].

Anyway, uh, nebit, cebit, zibit, the fish exhibit. Yeah, you can see here I caught those fish and I donated them. Hmm, this one is empty. I guess it's waiting for a kind donation. Yeah, here's a bunch of fish; here's some more fish. One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.

Alright, anyway, moving on with the tour the museum, take a look at the paintings. I haven't gotten them all yet, but, uh, I got a few. Here's a nice one, it's strange though. sw- why- I gu- why I'd call it a strange painting. Yeah, some of them are- most of them are just waiting for a kind donation, but I got this one from a swipe. Your uh, Common Painting, from Ol' Boots. Well, my favorite painting around here is, uh, right here. Washington crossing the Delaware, but you guys call it the Classic Paining.

Anyway, moving on. We're gonna' check out what I worked hard for and actually got done, the fossil section. All the fossils, right here; all of them! Dug them all up! Though the last one I completed and the last one I picked up was the pterodactyl. All I needed was the right wing and that completed the pterodactyl. As well as the fossil exhibit; and who's my favorite? It's obvious.

Anyway- oh, you can actually see a bug in that amber, y'know? That right there, I wonder what kind of bug that is. I think it was in the, uh, insect thing. Oh well, forget it. Anyway, moving on with the tour, leaving the museum. See you later, sleeping Blathers.

Well, here's another neighbor, Cookie; She just went in. Alright. Well, anyway, uh, since we're, uh, down here, I'm gonna' tell you a couple of things. This is a- here's a- here's the dock, right here, and there's the sea turtle. Of course I usually would check around the, uh, beach lines for old Gulliver, that sailor bird. You should have called him Pelliper like the Pokémon. You notice these two signs here? You need a Game Boy Advance to get started, but when you come back, welcome to the Gamecube.

Anyway, let's go visit the island real quick, 'cuz I'll show you something fun you could do on the island. I use my Game Boy Advance SP but I do have a GBA as well. Well, I use the, uh, SP for, uh, y'know the e-Reader because y'know my Digimon players. It's, uh, easier to hold as swiping as, as compared to the, uh, GBA, the original. Yeah- this sweet young lass, so full of spunk an' sass, over tea, she tells me I gots no class.I ain't no crummy creep who lives in [[Barbara|trash heaps]]! I'm just one old sea-hun who needs some sleep. *unintelligible noises* No, I do not. *rhythmic unintelligible noises* Woooh! I know, the singing annoys me too. I just mock it, and that's- that's why I kinda' have this thing on mute anyway. I listen to my music... every time I play. I actually turn it off right after we- just after we- just as we leave the, uh, bridge there.

So, anyway, this is my island, Cwcville island. Looket all these coconuts here, "In the tropical seas with the coconut trees, we will look and see, coconut." Fine little way to make a profit. Here's Flash. "Troz." I gave him that expression, like ''{{w|Pinky and the Brain}}''. So, let's say hello.

''[Flash asks for Sonichu's [[Fashion|rugby shirt]]]

I'll let you have it, 'cause [[Muscle bra|I don't need it]]. It doesn't look too bad on you.

Anyway, here's a fun way to make a profit, a'course, you need the Gameboy Advance for this. You shake the trees, you grab the coconuts. I put them all over her- I gathered them all over here, in this area, and then I just drag them over to the bird. And after the first three coconuts, he gives me money. And I just all put 'em back in the proper place around here. And when I come back to the island, Gamecube version, instead of the uh, on the Gamecube instead of in the Gameboy Advance, after uploading I collect the money, go as high as 30,000 bells, which is very nice.

Anyway, I'll show you what you can do on the house in the island.

[''Goes inside the house'']

I use mine as storage for the, uh, extras items I, uh, don't have room for, at home. Yeah, I got a bunch. 'Course, I got mostly wallpaper and shirts, that's why I got all these dressers.

[''Looks inside a dresser'']

But I've gotten all the uh, carpets from, uh, Sahara. She was here yesterday. Wel- How do I know? I usually keep track, I made a special sticker with my Gameboy camera and I just uh, whenever there's a holiday or ah, when there's a special event as noted by the Copper, I note it on the calendar with one of those special stickers, or write it down whether it's for Cwcville or Cwc City.

[''Exits the house'']

Anyway, we're going to leave the island. See you later Flash! Troz! Or Zort!

[''Goes to Kapp'n so he can leave'']

Hey Kapp'n. Yeah I'm leavin'. No thank you.

[''Gets on the boat'']

Oh, by the way Sonichu's mug is the flag of the island. Obviously. Don't worry, this time I'm not going to imitate his singin'.

Instead I'll talk about something random. [[Sonic the Hedgehog]].

Oh, by the way, those two characters at the tailor shop, Mabel and Sabel, are they hedgehogs or porcupines, cuz I dunno. They look like hedgehogs, and or porcupines, but ah, I'm not sure which are they. But either way, if they're hedgehogs, you got my vote on Sonic. Speaking of which, you should have make- ''Sonic Heroes'' should be Nintendo Gamecube exclusive, because [[Xbox]] and [[Sony|PlayStation 2]], my opinion is the same as yours, they both stink. Yeah, I do not even own them, I do not even want them, and that goes double for the PS One as well.

But if you want to know my game systems, I've had my Gamecube for about almost a year and a half now, got it on May thirty-first, twenty o'two. I got your SNES, Nintendo 64, NES, I got the Genesis 301, with the uh, original Genesis, 32X and Sega CD, as well as Sega Dreamcast, and a Sega Saturn. So I've got mostly all of them, I've been a Sonic fan forever, and that's why I'm glad that Sonic came to Nintendo.

[''Arrives back at Cwcville'']

By the way, you all may remember, that I sent you guys a letter, talking about my dream of Sonic on Game Boy, well you go on my website, check the uh, about the author section, you'll see the ''[[Nintendo Power]]'' magazine cover I made up just for the occasion.

Anyway, welcome back to the Gamecube, let's move on with the tour, shall we? Anyway, we're gonna check the island. Oh, Lighthouse, oh will look at this, there's a weed, I pick weeds, keeps my town clean, as well as uh, Cwc City.

Oh, here's the other billboard I don't kn-know if I've shown you, [[Pokémon|Magikarp]]. that's for the fishing tourney, I drew a Magikarp just for it. Yeah, that's a Magikarp, I didn't have room for a Gyarados.

So, way, ah, here's the Tailor Shop. I got a Game Boy Advance right here as well because, you know, I can use my Gameboy Advance here. So let's go in and see what I got on display.

[''Enters Able Sisters shop'']

Yeah I mean what are they, hedgehogs or porcupines, cuz I can't tell. Anyway, I got Sonichu an Ro-, I got Sonichu right here. Oh, and by the way, this is his girlfriend, you want to know what her name is? [[Rosechu]]. See how that's spelled? Yeah, but you'll see- you'll probably see her and her body on the uh, letter that's included with the VHS here. So anyway, that's her favorite flower, called the Zapbud. Oh, and there's my Sonichu site logo, there's you acc- that you featured in ''Nintendo Power''. And a nice (swipe?) for the Poké Ball, as well as Star Fox emblem.

[''Opens up his saved patterns'']

Here, let me show you the uh, rest of my uh, patterns. Most of them I put together. There's Sonic, right there. And this is Sonichu's evil twin, [[Blake|Black Sonichu]]. I made the Mario as uh, kinda like, you know, the ''Nintendo Power''. Duh. If you guys had a shirt already, and the uh, game, that's from me and then you'll find out later. Oh, because [[It will never end|Spider-Man]] was in town recently, I was inspired. An here's Old Glory. Let's see. Yeah, these are the uh, older patterns I uh, kinda picked up from the shirts as much. And these are patterns I put together myself, there's the Magikarp, and there are others, like you got from ''Nintendo Power'', like the corn, [[the Moon]], groovy. Groovy! I call it groovy. There's the mushroom and the mug. Oh, I got something ready for Christmas, you know, you may notice the wreath back there. Let's see, yeah, here the uh, swiped images. Ah, by the way, you remember Tim Timetrail, that's his logo right there, I call it Time Travel, it's got his name written on there, Time- Tim Timetrail.

Could you excuse me for a minute, I've got an itch in my eye. [''A few seconds pause''] Alright. Anyway, that's taken care of. Let's see, I guess.

[''Selects Time Travel shirt and moves it around'']

What'd I do that for? I'm putting it back. Anyways that's-a, images I got so far.

[''Talks to Mabel'']

No, no thank you, we got nothing. So I'll see you all later. Or ah, another day, somewhat. Hey, I think that looks uh-familiar, what Mabel's sewing up, or's that Sabel? I think that's the noodle design.

[''Exits Able Sisters shop'']

Anyway, moving on. Another weed, well what do you know about that. I usually like to run, it ke-keeps me going faster. Oh, by the way, Puck lives here.

Oh, what do you know, a hole in the ground. I usuall- also usually uh, during my rounds, ["Digs up fossil"] I check for these holes. ["Raises pitch of voice"] And it's an antique! And of course, if I dig up a fossil I just quickly write a letter to the Museum. And I don't have to write anything, so I just get that out of the way real quick. I only keep my shovel in hand cuz there may be a few more holes around here somewhere. Well look at this, another weed.

Anyway, no bird today. So le- let's go see Copper, see if there's anything new at the police station.

[''Talks to Copper'']

Any goings-on? Nothing of import, huh.

It's hard to catch that b- bird you know, the uh, postal character Pete. One time I tried, but then he just flew away. Anyway, you got anything in the police station today Copper? That is uh, anything lost? Oh, we got something? Oh good, I'll go take it, I just usually pick it up and sell it later.

[''Enters police station'']

By the way, as fer the Gulliver, if he has something I have not collected yet, I'll usually keep it. Seeds? Oh well, I'll take it. I could always plant those. Cuz they won't make much of a profit. Anyway, if uh, Gulliver has a gave me something that I already have, I usually just sell it.

[''Exits Police Station'']

Makes a nice profit. Uh anyway, let's plant these flowers. Uh, here's a good place.

[''Plants flowers'']

Alright, what do you know, red tulips.

Anyway uh, there's ah, what's her name. Oh yeah, Portia. Anyway, uh, let's see. Oh yeah, there's Leigh right there.

Oh by the way, you know for Mint? I got her card as well, her ''Animal Crossing'' card. Oh yeah, Chuckles! He likes to wear belt buckles! [[Random Access Humor|Rhyme joke]]. So anyway, uh, moving a little north. Here's the uh, Nook Shop. I got it the best, obviously. But if it gets any better, I'll be surprised. So anyway, uh, let's go inside.

[''Enters Nook's Shop'']

See what see what look lik- See what old Nook has today. [''Sighs'']. Oh, I got to sell these items, I usually do that, I sell him the items.

[''Starts selling things to Nook'']

Items I don't need. Those fossils make a nice little profit, espeg- especially the uh, one that's not within the top five. Whoops. I pressed the B button by mistake.

[''Continues to sell, and starts to hum'']

Doops, I goofed. Yeah, foreign fruits, 500. Although the peaches only get you 100 here. By the way, same fruit in Cwc City, it's a pear. Oh, and I need a sign anyway, so I'll just go ahead and get one of those.

[''Buys sign, clicks through Nook's dialogue about using the sign, and starts humming'']

Anyway, we're going upstairs.

[''Goes upstairs'']

What do ya know, we got the gruesome twosome. They're a comical pair. Ugn, let's see, a blue dresser. Uhh, iris table, refrigerator. Yes, I got this refrigerator already, so I don't need it. I already got the water bird. I've seen those shirts before. Ugn, look at all of these two, they chase me around wherever I go, like I'm some sort kind of [[Autism|nut]] or something. Watch this.

[''Chris makes odd noises that might be mistaken for humming, as he runs around the store and watches the salesman chase him. Sometimes art does imitate real life'']

Almost caught me there. Okay, I'm leaving.

[''Goes downstairs'']

Let's see, was there any other business I need? Oh, I guess I need more paper. So I'll get a sheet, get a pack.

[''Buys paper'']

That's quick, I just pick a random style and just go with that. By the way, in case you're wondering about those button noises, I got the microphone taped to the uh, Gamecube Wavebird here.

Anyway, I'll show you something you can do with the raffle tickets you pick up from here.

[''Exits Nook's Store'']

Instead of making a [[Tour of Chris's House|mess in my house]], I bury them right here, next to the Nook Shop. It's a good place to locate them. So when I'm ready at the end of the month, I just pick up as many as I can hold.

[''Digs up raffle ticket, then buries it again'']

I'm just going to put it back, because it ain't November 30th yet. Oh I guess I don't need this shovel anymore.

[''Puts away shovel'']

Now I'm going to make use of this uh, sign here, the way I should have long time ago, because I didn't think about it. It's already been done in Cwc City, but... Right here by the Post Office, you can use your GBA, oh, well that's a bad place for it. I'm picking it back up. Oh what do you know, another weed.

[''Pulls weed'']

Must of missed that earlier. Anyway, you may post a design, Gameboy Advance, whoops.

[''Picks up sign accidentally'']

What'd I do that for, I'm puttin' it back.

[''Puts it back and adds Gameboy design again'']

There we go. [''Burps''] Excuse me. Hm, I've got well over fifty thousand, so I'm going to make a deposit.

[''Enters Post Office'']

It's ny- It's a good idea to- that you guys did have when you made this thing not only a post office. Oh, I got to mail off that fossil anyway. And I don nee- And it's a good idea to not only you make this into a post office but a bank, saves ya a building. So anyway, see, let's make a deposit. One, two, three, four, five.

[''Deposits 50,000 bells'']

Seven hundred and fifty thousand. It's good saved. I made most of my money from the e-Reader swipes, which I'll tell you about that in Cwc City.

[''Exits Post Office'']

Anyway, uh, lets see. I guess that's it for Cwcville. You guys will be back later. And that- And when you come back, I'll tell you about this sign here. [''Sign saying "H.F.A"'']

Anyway, I'm going home, and I'm gonna save. You may save, Mister Gyroid.

[''Goes inside the house to save, hums a bit'']

You may save and quit.

[''Noise in the background, possibly the radio'']

[''Chris begins to sing''] Do-do-do-do-do-do-do, hey mellow color! Yellow is a mellow color, yes it is. [''Chris stops singing'']

Okay. see you in Cwcville- I mean Cwc City.

[''Title screen'']

At this time, I switched the memory cards. Cuz, ah, I got Cwcvville currently in Slot A, and Cwc City in Slot B. I'm switching the two, putting City in Slot A and Ville in Slot B. So now I'm pressin' the start button.

And here's a resident, Iggy. Here you got- get that down. Cwc City, that's the name of the city right there.

[''Yellow Is A Mellow Color playing faintly in the background'']

And that's her name, Crystal, make sure you get that down. Alright, getting things ready. Have a blast, huh, well that's a fun thing to say.

[''Cwc City is loaded, and starts'']

Anyway ah, this is Crystal. She's wearing the uh, Rosechu look. There's a Zapbud on the door, I got Sonichu- Rosechu's mug right here. [''A sign with Rosechu's face on it''] Yeah, an her ensemble, but let's take a tour of her house first.

[''Goes inside the house'']

It ain't much since, uh, she basically got started, but she's almost done paying off her debt to old Nook. There's your website again. [''A Nintendo bench with their website on it''] Oh look, there's the R-Wing, launching into the uh, Super Mario Brother's World. [''The wallpaper is from Mario'']

Which reminds me, I got to get those two boxes to those two passwords later. Anyway, here's her diary. She got started only on November twelfth. Sonichu got started on October twenty-fourth. Anyway let's see, what else have we got here. Yeah, I got the two logos. Well would you look at that, I got them in the wrong place.

[''Starts moving around the logos'']

Oh well, I'll just move 'em. I didn't notice that before, I got 'em in the wrong place. Well that's no problem. I'll just quickly move them around. Hm, they make it loo- You guys make it look tough to move things around, but actually it's not. Let's see what time it is. Oh, it's one forty-five, huh? Well, it's getting close to being later in the afternoon.

There's her tree, she's getting ready for Christmas too. Let's take a quick trip upstairs.

[''Goes upstairs'']

She got her NES games she got collected up here. A plain old falsehood right there, Super Tortimer. Why'd you guys make that game up anyway? It's so- It's stupid. Cuz it's fake. Anyway, here's a thing. I got lucky and found this. I think I dug it up. Oh-no, wait a minute, I got it from Redd, long time ago. Oh, here's her harvest bed. I got a couple empty tables for- getting ready for a couple more NES games. [''Sighs'']

[''Goes downstairs'']

Anyway uh,

[''Continues down to the basement'']

Her basement isn't sa- as busy as uh, Cwcville, but she's got a few models down here. A couple of tracks models. Oh, there's the Moon. You guys made that thing really big you know, it's too big for me, if you ask my opinion.

Huh, Katrina's a little off, I'm just gonna move her real quick, there we go. Alright, you know there's the glow clock, you notice I had glow [[pickles|cock]]- glow clock in the basement in Cwcville as well.

Oh, you know what, ah, ruh- Crystal's worn her Rosechu outfit long enough.

[''Tries to change her outfit'']

Oops. I guess I can't do that yet. Well, never mind.

[''Goes upstairs'']

Anyway, moving on.

[''Leaves house'']

Before we take a tour of the city, I'mma tell you how to make a f- how you make a fun profit with the e-Reader. I'll check the bulletin board.

[''Checks the bulletin board'']

Ah, that's an oldie.

[''Walks to the Train Station'']

Anyway, 'course, there's the Train Station, I told you earlier about that in Cwcville. There's Rosey's mug. You see no statue cuz, she hasn't paid her debt off. That's why we're going to do this with Crystal. Oh, give me a second would ja, I got to do something real quick.

[''A few seconds pass'']

I'm having my Game Boy and my Wavebird at the same time. That's why I put it over there too.

I use my uh, SP as well here. You know, ah, my funds uh, right here, right? Help my funds. I'm gonna- show you guys something real quick- I use my Game Boy Advance SP to help me out here, since you know, the Digimon deal. Not only that, but, the noise it makes, helps me, uh, clarify, whether I uh, got the card read right. I usually do it ten at a time, I'll tell- elaborate about that more later. But I'm gonna do this on purpose, uh, swipe it awkwardly.

Oops, I musta goofed up. Anyway, gonna try that again, see and ah uh, hear the noise that makes.

Oh, that's right, cuz, ya see, I uh, prepared in advance by, uh, [''Clears throat''] you know, showing you showing my profit.

By goin' on ahead and takin' care of the first set of thirty cards out of 63 that I own so far. Cuz like I said, do it ten at a time. By anyway, ah,

[''Exits Post Office'']

[''Sighs'']

Let me just go ahead an uh, show you how you make a nice little profit. Okay, first step you uh, swipe the first ten cards, right? Cuz that's the maximum you can hold in your mailbox. Open your mailbox, get your ten letters into your hold there. And then you just, ah, grab and drop it to the first ten slots. By the way, rule of thumb, elaborate earlier with the five down here. Cuz you know, when you ah, sell your items to Tom, it usually ends up on the first item, and you- that, that way you have these guys on the bottom, they will not get in the way, you won't have to move the uh, hand.

So anyway, uh, we're gonna go to the Nook Shop. There's Iggy again, gonna play with his ball. Like I said, I haven't gotten that far here yet, in Cwc City.

[''Enters Nook Shop'']

There's old Tom. I've taken care of all my uh, errands, like ah, Chris and the little Sonichu I showed you back there. Anyway, we're going to do some selling.

[''Starts selling things to Nook, some other song from Christian and the Hedgehog Boys in the background'']

Obviously, I don't have sa- much to say at this point. So I'm just going to let you guys listen to the music while I sell.

[About 30 seconds later, he finishes selling, and leaves the store]

Okay, I got more to say. After I uh, sell the uh, first set ten, I get that out of the way. Like I said before, of course I do this with the R button.

[''Starts removing gifts from letters, then deleting the letters'']

I just pick up, and put 'em over there. 'Course, I have precise order, I do it from the first letters- first card swiped to the last card swiped. I usually swipe them in the uh, in order of their card numbers. Cuz ah, that's just the way I do it. Also, I use the uh, ''Animal Crossing'' card that came with the e-Reader,you notice the musical note in the first set. I just count that as card triple zero. Makes a good idea, by the way, according to- by the way, speaking of the e-Reader cards, you guys should really uh, print out some more uh, of series- more of the early series. like series one. Cuz, you know, since I just just started you sh- I really want to collect those. And uh, I really would like if you uh, publish some more of those uh, series ones. I don't care if do like you know, second edition or whatever. But print out more of those cards, please. Anyway, uh, I just click- just [[Mailbag|read the letters real quick and then throw them away]] like junk mail. After I get rid of the presents.

[''Finishes throwing letters away'']

By the way, I hope you guys took note of the uh, amount in the previous deal in the Post Office. Anyway, after I delete the last letters, I open them up.

[''Opening up all his gifts'']

One by one, in an orderly flash- orderly fashion. A'most said orderly flashin'! Anyway...

[''Finishes opening his gifts'']

Let's see, with that done, I head back home.

[''Runs to his mailbox'']

And get the next set of ten I have ready. And then I head back to the Post Office.

[''Runs to Post Office'']

And swipe the next set of ten.

[''Enters Post Office'']

And uh, just to let you know, every fifty- every point over fifty thousand, you should make a deposit. But since I'm a good number at start, I'm not gonna do that. So, uh, after all the uh, e-Reader swipes, you should come up to a very nic-

[''Video cuts out for a second, possibly the result of Chris editing the video so we wouldn't have to wait for him to swipe the e-Reader cards'']

an profable- profitable proposition there. And after ah, swiping all those cards, then a nice grand total there. We can make a very generous donation. Or should I say deposit? The usual fifty-thou.

[''Deposits 50,000 bells'']

Here ya go. No thank you. Well, anyway ah, besides ah, selling those things, those uh, profitable items from the e-Reader cards, if there are any I haven't collected yet, I usually just keep 'em.

[''Exits Post Office'']

(Cuz I like the sound of them?) Like for example, the uh, Pansy models downstairs. And well, since that's over with.

[''Changes shirt'']

She just changed into her regular- her uh, nice warm clothing for the winter. Her ski sweater. So anyway, uh, let's see uh. Oh yes, I guess I should- she shoul- we should give you a tour of Cwc City.

Well, you have seen the uh, Post Office, and the Nu- Nook Shop. But I'll tell you the dump is in the opposite location compared to CWCville. And there it is, the dump. And uh, let's see. There's Money. She used to live in CWCville but she moved here. And there's Sally. She moved here.

[''Checks map'']

I have to check the map every now and then because the different location. Let's see, there's Carmen. [''Sing-song''] Carmen San Diego! Carmen San Diego!... Causing mischief around the world!

Let's see now. Oh yeah, that's Pinky. That's Pinky. There's the Museum. Oh, would you look at this, a hole in the ground. Let's see what's in it.

[''Digs up fossil'']

And it's [[Bob|an antique]]!

Must have missed that one previously. Oh well, I'll just simply write the old Museum a letter. Or not write a letter. Like I sent it to them anyway. [Goes to put away shovel, then changes his mind]

Ah, I best to hold on to that just in case. Let's see. Oh, Katrina's tent, she's here today. And there's Rollo. I think a friend sen- I think of Sanford and Son everytime I see Rollo. [''Scatman Chris''] Doo-doo-doo-doo-a-rawdl-et-do-do-do-do-alot-dude-alot-do-do-dolot-a-dood-alot-dooo. Do-do.

Speakin' of fr- speakin' of Sanford and Sons, my father an I, we have a relationship like Stanford and Son. He starts more arguments than there are flies in a garbage dump. Anyway, let's see, I took every care of business, and I do not need to talk to Copper, but there's the Police Station.

And what's at the shoreline for that stupid bird, and possibly anymore uh, holes in the ground.

[''Singing'']

There's nothing quite like a hole in the ground, hole in the ground, hole in the ground. There's nothing like a hole in the ground, here is, the lighthouse!

[''Stops singing'']

We got a stone bridge here in the city.

[''Sings again'']

There's nothing like a hole in the ground, a hole in the ground

[''Stops singing'']

Oh, we got two neighbors up here. Let's see. Yeah. There's a, Jeremiah. we got a new neighbor. Yeah, that was Pinky. She moved in today. Anyway, there;s the Tailor Shop. Right here. Already took you there over in Cwc Ci- Cwcville. And well, here's the dock. The island is, uh, we kept it for the ah, kre- for a memorial, we used Tim Timetale's island. As uh, we uh, trans- we exchanges between us- we exchanged it with the original island of Cwc City. Anyway, it's got the Tim Timetale flag on it. So we're not going to bother going there. Anyway, you know the two signs.

[''Goes to Wishing Well'']

Well. That joke never gets old. Anyway, there are two holiday signs, got 'em down here, here in the city. There's Rosey, and we got the Sonichu site logo here as well. There's a uh, shovel tree. That's Buzz. Buzz Lightyear. To infinity, and on your head! Oh, and there's uh, Cashmire. I got a card for Baah-bra. Huh, too bad she ain't here. And uh, I'm not sure, oh wait, yes I'm sure. Yeah, you have seen him, uh, Iggy. He's around here somewhere. I'm not gonna bother. Anyway, here's the Nook Shop, once again. And well, uh, I guess that's it for uh, Cwc City. oh, I got the fishing tourney sign around here somewhere. You've already seen that, so I'm not gonna bother finding it.

Anyway uh, let's see. Oh, I got to mail this uh, fossil off. After I do that, we're going to go back over to Cwcville for uh, closing ceremonies of this great documentary I've put together. you'll find out what that "H.F.A" stands for.

[''Goes inside post office'']

So, stay tuned! And relax.

[''Starts mailing letter'']

In the meantime, here's some music.

[''Plays Yellow is a Mellow Color'']

[''Exits Post office'']

[''Goes and saves his game'']

[''Start screen'']

[''Loads Cwcville'']

[''Finally turns off Yellow is a Mellow Color'']

Welcome back to Cwcville! And we're here for the closing ceremonies, so the uh, documentary of the city of Cwcville and Cwc City in Animal Crossing, [''Raises pitch of voice''] for Nintendo Gamecube! But first, I'm gonna tell you a couple of things. Sonichu and Rosechu. [''Burps''] [''Faintly''] Excuse me.
I'm just going to let you know who they are, they're Pokémon. I made them up. They're both Electric-types, alright. Obviously. Sonichu and Rosechu are Pokémon I made up. They're Electric-types. They've got evolution, [[Metonic]] and [[Vamprosa]]. You want pictures, you gotta ask me for them. Also they got baby forms, [[Sonee & Rosey|Sonee and Rosey]], they're cuties. So anyway, if you've missed it the first couple of times.

[''Shows bulletin saying "CWC's Sonichu Site!
http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm"'']

Here is one last time. Okay, and uh, to answer the all important question; What is the meaning of "H.F.A"? With the two red eyes. I will tell you. Got that? it means "High Functionally [[Autism|Autism]]" because that's what I am, I'm High Functionally Autistic. I may have autism, but since I'm [[honor roll|high functional]], I do all- I can do alot of things. I mean otherwise I wouldn't even do this documentary I'm doing right now.

So let's see, is there anything else I need to cover? Well, I guess not. But anyway, uh, this is the city of Cwcville and there's a- don't forget Sonichu website if you want to go see it. I've been playing video games for as long as I can remember. And listening to music as long as I can remember. So, we're going to end this documentary by obviously leaving. If you want credits, ya have to look at the uh, enclosed letter.

[''Starts saving game'']

But anyway, uh, pu- for in the submission of Nintendo Power. This has been a, [[Chris and Ego|documentary narrated by Christian Weston Chandler]]. Thank you very much, and I hope that you will [[Chris and Reality|consider this for publication]]. Bye now.

[''Nintendo logo and title screen. There is a voice in the background, possibly [[Snorlax]], saying "Stop!"'']

[''The video normally ends here, but on other versions of it, this is followed by 5 commercials for the game, and then...'']

[''Shows bulletin reading "For Nintendo Power...A Bonus Feature! Later on...". The character moves towards a golden statue reading "This statue was erected in honor of Crystal's loan repayment!". The character moves around some trees, bushes and the sign board, before moving to the bulletin board, flipping to a new page. Chris types in "Bye-Bye!" and then a happy face. He then throws out the letter, and then moves back to the bonus feature one for a few seconds before the video finally ends.'']

==''Nintendo Power'' article==

''[[Nintendo Power]]''’s May 2004 article on Chris’s documentary covers only Sonichu’s life in Cwcville. The way that the article speaks of Sonichu’s actions, most casual readers would be led to believe that “Sonichu” is the real name of the person who submitted the documentary.

[[Image:CWCSchuCross.jpg|thumb|center]]

===Transcript===

{{quotenews|'''Sonichu’s Cwcville Documentary'''

Simply amazing. There’s no other way to describe what we received from Sonichu of Cwcville—a full video documentary that walked us through his daily life. His opulent manor contained every manner of furniture. Cwcville’s landscape was filled to the bursting point with all the animals who’d moved to his well-tended town. And Sonichu has customized everything about his town—even many villagers have followed his bold trends, wearing the patterns he has created!

''(Image captions)''

*Sonichu has packed the museum with his fads—its bug collection is hopping.
*He often visits Sonichu Island to bring its high-value coconuts to town.
*And he uses the spare hut on the island to store his huge collection of oddities.
*Cwcville is brimming with Sonichu’s patterns, including the popular Poké Ball.}}

==PVCC's news report==

The 26 April 2004 issue of [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC's]] school newspaper, ''The Forum'', included a news report on the "accomplishments" of then-student Christian Chandler. The first half of the article discusses Chris's OFFICIAL and ORIGINIAL creation, Sonichu, while the second half covers Chris's Animal Crossing Documentary, going so far as to quote ''[[Nintendo Power]]'''s own coverage. Everyone can draw their conclusions of how slow news day it was at the PVCC by comparing how big the ''Nintendo Power'' article was, and how big this article was.

===Transcript===

[[File:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|thumb|center|Meet Sonichu]]

{{quotenews|'''Meet Sonichu''' ''Student featured in "Nintendo Power"''

By Kari Mitchell ''The Forum assistant editor''

Most everyone has a hobby. It may be hard to find free time in between classes, especially with exam week quickly approaching, but PVCC student Christian Chandler, has dedicated many hours to his past time. He is the creator of Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon.

Like Sonic, Sonichu can run at high speeds. "During Super Sonic's battle against the [[Perfect Chaos Monster|Perfect Chaos monster]] (''Sonic Adventure DX'' for Gamecube), Super Sonic was spat out by the monster, and colldied with a by-standing Pikachu," Chandler explained. According to his story, the power from the Chaos Emeralds transformed Pikachu into Sonichu.

The idea for the character came from a project Chandler was assigned his senior year of high school. He was enrolled in a computer graphics class that required him to design a CD cover. His original idea was to put Sonic and Pikachu on the cover, however, both characters are copyrighted. Instead he decided to combine the characters into something all his own. Thus, on March 17, 2000, Sonichu was born.

Over time, Chandler began to mold and expand the life of Sonichu, giving him stories, homemade trading cards, clay figures, a board game, and a [[Sonichu medallion]] with charms, among other things.

Chandler and the world he created for Sonichu were featured in the May 2004 issue of ''Nintendo Power.'' The place was called Cwcville (The "Cwc" prefix are his initials, Christian Weston Chandler). Nintendo Power was apparently impressed with Chandler's work. "Simply amazing. There's no other way to describe what we received from Sonichu of Cwcville - a full video documentary that walked us through his daily life." The documentary, running about an hour, was taped from the Nintendo Gamecube title, ''Animal Crossing''. He dubbed his voice over the sound through a microphone and audio input in his VCR. In the documentary, Chandler covers "basically how I do things in ''Animal Crossing'' as the boy character, Sonichu, in the city of Cwcville." Some of the tasks include using the journal as a monthly diary, making money, customizing the city, and conversing with another ''Animal Crossing'' city. For now, Sonichu remains a hobby in the future, Chandler would like to see Sonichu and his friends as real Pokémon, even having their own Nintendo Gamecube video game title. "I am not really sure what to do in order to do all that," Chandler said, "but for now, Sonichu and I, Christian C., are in Nintendo Power Magazine!"}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[The City of Cwicville Tour!]]|nextlink=[[The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special]]|}}

{{CWC on TV}}

[[Category:Media that has been published in real life]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos before 2007| 2003-11-22]]
[[Category:Videos About or Featuring Farts]]

Pokémon

2021-10-07T00:59:51Z

Got2Hands:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[Image:0647-CWCAshAnime.jpg|thumb|right|OH, BOY! SLAM ATTACK, Y'ALL!]]

[[File:486-CWCcatchesaPikachu.JPG|thumb|Chris [[Attraction sign|seeks out]] a Pikachu.]]

'''''Pokémon''''' (occasionally spelled "'''Pok'emon'''" by [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]) is one of [[Nintendo]]'s greatest creations, a Japanese cultural phenomenon that is beloved by children around the world, and a multimedia franchise encompassing [[video games]], [[card games]], [[toys]], various [[anime]] series, and much, much more. It is the world's largest media franchise, and the second-biggest video game franchise, beaten by Nintendo's own ''Mario'' franchise.

It is also beloved by [[autistics]] all over the world (its creator, Satoshi Tajiri, is himself autistic<ref>https://www.parentherald.com/articles/61265/20160815/satoshi-tajiri-the-original-creator-of-pokemon-go-has-autism.htm</ref>), and a certain person named Christian Weston Chandler happens to be one of them. It is highly integral to his life, as without ''Pokémon'', the world of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' wouldn't exist.

==Chris-chan in the ''Pokémon'' World==
Chris, according to the "Sonichu" article on the [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu CWCipedia], sees himself as an official Pokémon gym leader. He claims to have over 387 Pokémon leveled-up to level 100 on his ''Pokémon Diamond'' game, all of them being trained without any kind of cheating or Rare Candies. It's not certain whether this is true, but given the fact he owns [[List of Chris's games|every ''Pokémon'' game]] and game system, has no life at all, and has paid off several mortgages in ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' (a feat requiring hundreds of hours of gameplay), it may very well be.

As the leader of the [[CWCville]] Pokémon Gym, Chris has a fairly unimaginative team:
:* [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] - A [[Parody|recolor]] (and not even a real Pokémon)
:* [[Anime|Inuyasha]] - A [[Wikipedia:Blaziken|Blaziken]]
:* [[Gregg Mays|Greg]] - A [[Wikipedia:Swampert|Swampert]]
:* [[Chris and his Ego|Christina]] - A [[Wikipedia:Sceptile|Sceptile]]
:* [[Vanessa Hudgens|Vanessa]] - A [[Wikipedia:Gardevoir|Gardevoir]] (note that Gardevoir is seen as a [[women's rights|sex symbol]] in Pokémon fan rings)
:* [[Random-access humor|Bagoner]] - A [[Wikipedia:Salamence|Salamence]]

Chris has repeatedly listed his work as a Pokémon gym leader at [[Books-A-Million]] and [[The GAMe PLACe]] as an actual volunteer job in his [[resume]] and elsewhere, ignoring that he was never paid,<ref>[[Father Call#The Pokémon Volunteer Who Lives with His Parents (4:28-11:01)|Father Call]]</ref> had no authority,<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Follow-up]]</ref> and was actually closely monitored by the actual employees (at least for the latter store). Furthermore, he wasn't actually a real gym leader; he only acted as a substitute for when the regular gym leader wasn't at the GAMe PLACe, and even then was rarely left in charge due to his short temper and not liking handling all the losses and wins, among other things. He would wind up being banned from the store for two weeks for an incident where he took out a box meant only for employees and actual gym leaders without permission.

For years, his [[Chris and cosplaying#Ash Ketchum cosplay|main cosplay]]/[[Chris and fashion|outfit of choice]] was a Pokémon trainer outfit styled after Ash Ketchum, the lead character of the ''Pokémon'' anime. He wore this cosplay to the [[2004]] [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]] convention, and donned it every week at the GAMe PLACe<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Chris's behavior]]</ref> until around 2004.

Chris has expressed the desire to make his house address, [[14 Branchland Court]], a Pokéstop in the mobile game ''Pokémon Go''.

==Pokémon characters in the ''Sonichu'' universe==
===Pokémon appearing within the comics===
====[[Wikipedia:Pikachu|Pikachu]]====
[[File:Pika.PNG|thumb|Poor Pikachu - he did not know the horrors fate had in store for him.]]
Transformed into [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]. Despite the importance of ''Sonichu'' "lore", this is basically the only time a Pikachu appears or is mentioned in the comic. From this point on, it's all just shitty recolors of Chris's first shitty recolor.

====[[Wikipedia:Raichu|Raichu]]====
Transformed into [[Rosechu]] by the [[Rainbow]] in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], otherwise the same deal as Pikachu.

====[[Wikipedia:Dragonite|David the Dragonite/Daisy the Dragonite]]====
[[File:DD.PNG|thumb|Kel with her Dragonite.]]
A Dragonite [[Kel]] also owned. The considerate Pokémon trainer offered his [[Duck|sexual services]] to [[Rosechu]] when the latter was [[Masturbating and squirtin'|in heat]], noting that he's "[[Honest|loyal]]". Rosechu sensibly declined, stating that David is "[[Obesity|just too big]]".

Strangely enough, David may have been [[retcon]]ned into "Daisy the Dragonite", as indicated by a listing of Kel's Pokémon on [[CWCipedia]]. David, who appeared in [[Issue 0|issue #0]] (Episodes #2 and #3), is not mentioned on the list, though Daisy is and is the only Dragonite on the list. It would not be out of the question to think that Chris simply forgot about David's importance to the canon and retconned him into a girl, especially probable due to the fact that both names begin with the same letter.

====[[Wikipedia:Zapdos|Zapdos]]====
[[Image:Zapdos.jpg|thumb|Zapdos is not amused by Chris's faggotry.]]
An Electric-type [[Pokémon]] and one of the three legendary birds. Zapdos was used by [[Naitsirhc]] to capture [[Rosechu]] and battle [[Sonichu]] in CWCville Mall. Although Sonichu was victorious, Naitsirhc obtained a sample of Sonichu's [[Semen|DNA]], which he would later use in the creation of [[Black Sonichu]].

====[[Wikipedia:Raikou|Raikou]]====
[[Image:CWCSTRIPES.jpg|thumb|right|Oh the narcissism.]]
Used by [[Naitsirhc]] as a getaway ride in the same episode. Has stripes that spell out "[[CWC]]". Why Naitsirhc never used this powerful legendary Pokémon in a fight is anyone's guess.

====[[Wikipedia:Venusaur|Venusaur]]====
[[File:Venusaur.jpg|thumb|200px|left|She has to put up with his retardation.]]
A female Venusaur in the jungle discovered [[Wild Sonichu]]'s egg and adopted him. As Wild inexplicably has retractable tentacles in his arms, the Venusaur trained him in using them to grasp objects. On the other hand, she may have rightly tried to drop a coconut on his head.

====[[Wikipedia:Scyther|Scyther]]====
[[File:Scyther.jpg|thumb|200px|left|The Scyther who fathered Wild Sonichu...[[Chris and art|we think.]]]]
For no obvious reason, a male Scyther assumed the role of [[Wild Sonichu]]'s father. Whether this is because it was screwing his Venusaur mother (a pairing that couldn't have produced offspring) or felt some obligation to help her raise Wild is unclear. The Scyther trained Wild in using his "Razor Leaf" attacks to cut down trees and such. Scyther cannot actually learn the move Razor Leaf in the video games.

In [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], Wild would tell Sonichu and Rosechu of the last time he saw his adoptive father. According to Wild, his father was the leader of the "Cut-Sharp" Clan of "Scyther and Scizor". At some point, the "Charmeleon Cult" burned down the dojo in the jungle that served as their headquarters. Wild joined his father on a mission to take [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|revenge]], but the Scyther was intercepted and captured by poachers instead. Wild cried like a bitch while the poachers loaded his dad in their van, then finally attempted to use his super powers to free him. The Scyther told him to stop, however, since he knew Wild was too much of a failure to cut through the steel frame of the van. Wild's last memory of his father was of "the passing-of-the-torch look in his eyes."<ref name="Sonichu8Page9">[[Sonichu 8]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/a/a1/SchuComic8P14.jpg page 9]</ref>

The [[CWCipedia]] [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Wild+Sonichu#The_Father_is_Captured article on Wild] gives a slightly different version of the Scyther's capture. In this telling, Wild and his father were scanning the forest for predators rather than trying to seek revenge on the Charmeleons. When Wild detected poachers, the Scyther went on to attack them but was captured in the process, leading to the same ending in which the other version of the story concluded.

====[[Wikipedia:Swampert|Swampert]]====
A female Swampert adopted [[Bubbles Rosechu]] upon discovering her egg on the beach.<ref name="Sonichu3Page4">[[Sonichu 3]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/e/e9/SchuComic3P4.jpg page 4]</ref> Unlike Wild's parents, the Swampert doesn't seem to have taught Bubbles much of anything, and the pair spent her childhood splashing in the water like idiots. This idyllic existence was brought to an end when a Wailord dropped a giant boulder on the Swampert for no apparent reason.<ref name="Sonichu3Page4" /> Unable to rescue her mother in her immature Rosey body, Bubbles evolved into her Rosechu form, and somehow used an ice beam to save the Swampert from drowning.<ref name="Sonichu3Page5">[[Sonichu 3]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/6/62/SchuComic3P5.jpg page 5]</ref>

While Bubbles continues to live on the beach, the Swampert has not been seen since her first appearance. This would suggest that at some point, the Wailord returned to finish the job.

According to the [[CWCipedia]], the [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic Chris]] has a Swampert in his possession called Greg which he used in his battles against [[Naitsirch]] and [[Kel]].<ref name="Son cpedia" /><ref name="Ros cpedia" /> Its male name suggests it is not the same Swampert who raised Bubbles, as the latter is explicitly referred to as a female both in the comic<ref name="Sonichu3Page5" /> and in Bubbles own CWCipedia article.<ref name="Bub cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Bubbles_Rosechu Bubbles]</ref>

====[[Wikipedia:Wailord|Boulder-Dropping Whale]]====
[[Image:Boulder_Whale.jpg|160px|thumb|left|The Boulder-Dropping Whale's lone appearance in the comic.]]
As the name suggests, Boulder-Dropping Whale is a creature resembling a whale, who summoned a boulder out of the sky. This signature attack was used against the Swampert who raised Bubbles Rosechu,<ref name="Sonichu3Page4" /> and would have drowned the Swampert if not for Bubbles's timely intervention.<ref name="Sonichu3Page5" /> Although never named in the comic, the whale's anonymity and murderous hatred for ''Sonichu'' characters has earned him a cult following among [[trolls|fans]], who have dubbed him "Boulder-Dropping Whale", or "BDW" for short.

Chris stated several times <ref name="Bub cpedia" /><ref name="CWCblog">[[CWC Blog#12 January 2010]]</ref><ref>[[Sonichu 3 Official Videobook]]</ref> that it is a Wailord, a Pokémon that closely resembles a whale. This makes sense, as Chris always uses Pokémon when drawing background fauna in his comics, such as the underwater scene in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], which featured only Pokémon sea creatures and no naturally occurring wildlife. Further, BDW's trademark attack appears to resemble "[http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Rock_Tomb_%28move%29 Rock Tomb]", an attack available to many Pokémon in the video games, including Wailord. However, Chris has claimed that the boulder was in fact "attached to the Wailord's underbelly, like barnicles ''[sic]''", and fell off not due to murderous intent, but simply gravity.<ref>[[Common_Questions#22_February_2010|Common Questions]]</ref>

Nevertheless, the name "Boulder-Dropping Whale" has stuck, and no matter what his species, he remains a fan favorite, and was prominent in the [[parody]] series ''[[Moon-Pals]]''.

Chris also stated that Boulder-Dropping Whale had been captured, and was currently being forced to fight in the senseless battles of some random Pokémon trainer.<ref name="CWCblog" />

====[[Wikipedia:Mewtwo|Mewtwo]]====
[[Image:Mewtwo.PNG|thumb|right|Mewtwo is not pleased with Chris.]]
[[File:Mewtwo magichan married.jpg|thumb|that's not what triage means]]
A powerful, reclusive Pokémon genetically engineered from the DNA of the rare Mew, Mewtwo escaped from his creators and briefly plotted to conquer the world in the first ''Pokémon'' feature film. Mewtwo's dark, brooding nature and vast psychic abilities would serve as Chris's "inspiration" for [[Magi-Chan|Magi-Chan Sonichu]], whose egg hatched in the same cave Mewtwo lived in during the movie. As if the connection weren't blatant enough, Chris established that Mewtwo served as Magi-Chan's mentor, contacting him at birth via telepathy and teaching him to use his mental powers. Aside from his mental rapport with Mewtwo, Magi-Chan grew up completely isolated from the rest of the world. In a half-assed attempt to introduce him to civilization, Mewtwo projected memories of Jackie Chan films, other people's birthday parties, and various tourist attractions. Two weeks after Magi-Chan evolved into his Sonichu form, Mewtwo sent him out into the world, promising that they would one day meet face-to-face. As Chris has probably forgotten all about this, though, it'll probably never happen.

Christian has also notably claimed on the [[CWCipedia]] once that [[Reldnahc]] had a Mewtwo on his Pokémon team.<ref name="Son cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu]</ref> It can be assumed that this is the same one, although how this came to pass has never been explained.

In [[January 2018]], Chris, under the influence of the [[Idea Guy]], revealed that Mewtwo and [[Magi-Chan]] had got married.<ref>[[January_2018_Facebook_posts#Mewtwo_and_Magi-Chan_married]]</ref> They later joined with Chris, [[Cryzel]] and [[Magi-Chan]] in a [[polyamorous marriage]].

====[[Wikipedia:Snorlax|Snorlax]]====
[[File:0839-MomDesi.JPG|thumb|right|A wild [[Barb|Snorlax]] in repose.]]
A Snorlax briefly appeared in Christian's "Backyard Safari" [[Sub-Episode]], a documentary about [[Jerkops]] designed specifically to insult them. He comments at one point that a [[Jerkhief]] weighs [[Obesity|over 1,500 pounds]] (681 kg) and can be identified by its [[The Creepy Stare|glassy eyes]] and wooden badge. [[Obesity|How ironic]] for Chris to be saying such things about Jerkops.

The Snorlax appears at the bottom of the page as an illustration, since Christian had commented in a paragraph that the Jerkhief was heavier than a Snorlax.

Snorlax is also infamously an affectionate name coined by trolls towards [[Barb]].

====[[Wikipedia:Jigglypuff|Jigglypuff]]====
Served as inspiration for [[Jiggliami]], an "original" character created by [[Blanca]]. Appeared in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] and [[Sonichu 8|#8]]. A Jigglypuff also apparently made out with the Pikachu who would later evolve into Sonichu, and it's implied that this Jigglypuff and Jiggliami are one and the same.<ref name="Son cpedia" />

====Miscellaneous water Pokémon====

The Pokémon [[Yawning Squirtle|Squirtle]], [[Wikipedia:Mudkip|Mudkip]], [[Wikipedia:Seadra|Seadra]], [[Wikipedia:Goldeen|Goldeen]], [[Wikipedia:Staryu|Staryu]], [[Wikipedia:Corsola|Corsola]], [[Wikipedia:Octillery|Octillery]], [[Wikipedia:Mantine|Mantine]], and [[Wikipedia:Corphish|Corphish]] all appeared in the underwater scene on page 59 of [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].

====[[Wikipedia:Flaaffy|Flaaffy]]====
Appears as [[Layla Flaaffy]] in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]].<ref name="Sonichu9Page7">[[Sonichu 9]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/8/87/SchuComic9P7.jpg page 7]</ref> It should be noted that Layla was not intended at all to be a Pokémon by her [[Ivy|creator]]; Chris merely decided her to be one after she was brought by him into the comics.<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#Layla and Punchy]]</ref> This explains why she looks nothing like a Flaaffy.

====[[Wikipedia:Sneasel|Sneasel]]====
Appears as [[Reginald Sneasel]] in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]].<ref name="Sonichu9Page7" />

====[[Wikipedia:Tauros|Tauros]]====

During the Dating Ed Episode Reginald tries to drive a wedge between Punchy and Layla by claiming that Layla is a lesbian, averse to the color red and that her father is a Tauros.<ref name="Sonichu9Page15">[[Sonichu 9]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/d/de/SchuComic9P15.jpg Page 15]</ref> In the next page we are told that Punchy had checked those rumors, most of which "were verified false."<ref name="Sonichu9Page16">[[Sonichu 9]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/7/77/SchuComic9P16.jpg Page 16]</ref> This indicates that, since she neither hates red nor is a lesbian, her father must have been a Tauros.

====[[Wikipedia:Nidoking|Nidoking]]====
Used by Naitsirhc to battle [[Bionic]] in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]].<ref name="Sonichu9Page85">[[Sonichu 9]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/0/07/SchuComic9P85.jpg page 85]</ref>

====[[Wikipedia:Ditto (Pokémon)|Ditto]]====
After entering the [[Asperchu]] universe in [[Sonichu 10]], [[Ultra Sonichu]] learns from its inhabitants that all the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] in the Asperchu comics are descended from [[Alec Benson Leary]]'s Ditto and a single Sonichu.<ref name="Sonichu10Page57">[[Sonichu 10]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/2/2d/SchuComic10P57.jpg page 57]</ref>

====[[Wikipedia:Voltorb|Voltorb]]====
Used by Alec Benson Leary to murder [[Simonla Rosechu]] via Explosion in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]].

====[[Wikipedia:Sandslash|Sandslash]]====
[[Simonla]] was raised by two Sandslashes after the egg from which she hatched landed in their cave.<ref name="Simon cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Simonla_Rosechu Simonla]</ref><ref name="Sonichu10Page67">[[Sonichu 10]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/c/c0/SchuComic10P67.jpg page 67]</ref> After Simonla's death, the two Sandslashes are said by [[Magi-Chan]] to have become involved in their granddaughter [[Sandy]]'s training; the Sandslash seen with Sandy in Sonichu 10 is probably one of them.<ref name="Sonichu10Page86">[[Sonichu 10]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/c/cd/SchuComic10P86.jpg page 86]</ref>

====[[Wikipedia:Blaziken|Blaziken]]====

A Blaziken called Inuyasha is mentioned on the CWCipedia as one of the Pokémon in Chris's possession. It was used by Chris in his battles as a Gym Leader against [[Naitsirch]] and [[Kel]].<ref name="Son cpedia" /><ref name="Ros cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu Rosechu]</ref> It might also be the same Blaziken seen training with [[Sandy]] in [[Sonichu 10]].<ref name="Sonichu10Page86">[[Sonichu 10]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/c/cd/SchuComic10P86.jpg page 86]</ref>

[[Marvey Blaziken]] is apparently also a Blaziken, despite looking nothing like one and having the ability to talk.

====[[Wikipedia:Meowth|Meowth]]====

A female Meowth called Lilith acts as [[Ivy]]'s bridesmaid in the [[Wedding Comic]].<ref>[[Wedding Comic|Sonichu Special 2]], [[:File:SchuComicSP2P3.jpg|Page 3]]</ref> Her creator is listed by Chris as "Sen-Chan", who would, later on, be revealed as a friend of Ivy in [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special#Part 6: #3|KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]] when Chris dedicated to her a video featuring a drawing of Lilith (which was probably made by Sen-Chan herself). This drawing would be featured once more in the [[Good Fan Art]] gallery Chris uploaded to the CWCipedia.

===Pokémon not appearing within the comics===

Being an avant-garde writer with little regard to outdated conventions, Chris ignores the idea of "show don't tell" and often introduces entire plots and characters in his writings rather than in his drawings. Some of the Pokémon who have been revealed in this manner to have participated in the plot of Sonichu include:

*[[Wikipedia:Chansey|Chansey]]/[[Wikipedia:Blissey|Blissey]] - [[Kel]] is mentioned on the CWCipedia as having caught a Chansey during the beginning of her career as a Pokémon trainer.<ref name="Ros cpedia" /> It most likely evolved into Kel's Pokémon Stephanie the Blissey.<ref name="Son cpedia" /><ref name="Ros cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Charmander|Charmander]] - Sonichu's CWCipedia biography implies that after he transformed, Pokémon trainers caught his Pikachu parents by using a Sandshrew and a Charmander against them.<ref name="Son cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Dratini|Dratini]] - [[Kel]] is mentioned on the CWCipedia as having caught a Dratini during the beginning of her career as a Pokémon trainer.<ref name="Ros cpedia" /> It most likely evolved into [[Pokémon#David the Dragonite/Daisy the Dragonite|David the Dragonite/Daisy the Dragonite]].
*[[Wikipedia:Gardevoir|Gardevoir]] - A Gardevoir called Vanessa is mentioned on the CWCipedia as one of the Pokémon in Chris's possession. It was used by Chris in his battles as a Gym Leader against [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|Naitsirhc]] and [[Kel]].<ref name="Son cpedia" /><ref name="Ros cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu Rosechu]</ref>
*[[Wikipedia:Geodude, Graveler, and Golem|Geodude/Golem]] - [[Kel]] is mentioned on the CWCipedia as having caught a Geodude during the beginning of her career as a Pokémon trainer.<ref name="Ros cpedia" /> It most likely evolved into Kel's Pokémon Lauren the Golem.<ref name="Son cpedia" /><ref name="Ros cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Gyarados|Gyarados]] - A species whose members are mentioned as having threatened the Pichu who would become Rosechu from time to time.<ref name="Ros cpedia" /> According to the CWCipedia a [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Red_Gyarados Red Gyarados] called Shred is one of the Pokémon in [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|Naitsirhc]]'s possession.<ref name="Son cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Ho-Oh|Ho-Oh]] - Mentioned on the CWCipedia as one of the Pokémon in [[Naitsirhc]]'s possession.<ref name="Son cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Jolteon|Jolteon]] - According to the Rosechu's CWCipedia article, a Jolteon named Sparks was a part of Chris's Pokémon team during his battle with Kel.<ref name="Ros cpedia" /> On Sonichu's CWCipedia article, on the other hand, Sonichu is the sixth member of Chris's team during said battle while Sparks is nowhere mentioned.<ref name="Son cpedia" /> It should be noted that the first [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu&diff=4242&oldid=4241 revision of the article on Sonichu mentioning the battle] was written on [[August 2009]], while the article on Rosechu was written on [[February 2010]]; the inconsistency between the two versions of the story is probably due to one of them being written long after the other.
*[[Wikipedia:Lapras|Lapras]] - [[Kel]] is mentioned on the CWCipedia as having caught a Lapras during the beginning of her career as a Pokémon trainer, which she named Tiffany.<ref name="Ros cpedia" /><ref name="Son cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Lopunny|Lopunny]] - father of Sarahchu, an OC created by [[Sarah and Steve]] and added to [[Twilight Sparkle's Secret Shipfic Folder]].
*[[Wikipedia:Luxray|Luxray]] - While he made no appearances in the comics, the CWCipedia states that Rosechu was fathered by a male Luxray and a female Raichu.<ref name="Ros cpedia" /> The Luxray's main role in young Rosechu's life appears to have been defending her from enemy Pokémon and teaching her how to do so. In 1996 the Luxray became sick and his Raichu wife decided to stay by his bedside rather than look out for their daughter, giving Pokémon trainers the perfect opportunity to capture her. The Luxray quickly gave up on finding his daughter, who doesn't seem to have given much of a fuck about this whole thing either.
*[[Wikipedia:Pichu|Pichu]] - Does not appear in the comics but was obviously Sonichu's and Roeschu's first form. According to the [[CWCipedia]], the Pokémon who would become Sonichu was a Pichu from 1988 until 1994.<ref name="Son cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu]</ref> Rosechu CWCipedia article states that she was still a Pichu when captured in 1996 and already a Raichu in 1998, the year in which she became Rosechu;<ref name="Ros cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu Rosechu]</ref> it can, therefore, be inferred that she evolved into a Pikachu somewhere in between those times.
*[[Wikipedia:Porygon|Porygon]]/[[Wikipedia:Porygon2|Porygon2]]/[[Wikipedia:Porygon-Z|Porygon-Z]] - Chris, as part of his role as the CWCville gym leader, owns several of these Pokémon.<ref name="Son cpedia" /> In [[Sonichu 8]], Wild mentions in a thought bubble that he learned Conversion from a passing Porygon, allowing him to turn invisible.
*[[Wikipedia:Ponyta and Rapidash|Ponyta/Rapidash]] - [[Kel]] is mentioned on the CWCipedia as having caught a Ponyta during the beginning of her career as a Pokémon trainer.<ref name="Ros cpedia" /> It most likely evolved into Kel's Pokémon Ashley the Rapidash.<ref name="Son cpedia" /><ref name="Ros cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Salamence|Salamence]] - A Salamence called Bagoner is mentioned on the CWCipedia as one of the Pokémon in Chris's possession. It was used by Chris in his battles as a Gym Leader against [[Naitsirch]] and [[Kel]].<ref name="Son cpedia" /><ref name="Ros cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu Rosechu]</ref>
*[[Wikipedia:Sandshrew|Sandshrew]] - Sonichu's CWCipedia biography implies that after he transformed Pokémon trainers caught his Pikachu parents by using a Charmander and a Sandshrew against them.<ref name="Son cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:Sceptile|Sceptile]] - A Sceptile called Christina is mentioned on the CWCipedia as one of the Pokémon in Chris's possession. It was used by Chris in his battles as a Gym Leader against [[Naitsirch]] and [[Kel]].<ref name="Son cpedia" /><ref name="Ros cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu Rosechu]</ref>
*[[Wikipedia:Tyranitar|Tyranitar]] - A Tyranitar named Dark Bite is mentioned on the CWCipedia as one of the Pokémon in [[Naitsirhc]]'s possession.<ref name="Son cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:List of Pokémon (252–319)#Vigoroth|Vigoroth]] - A species whose members are mentioned as having threatened the Pichu who would become Rosechu from time to time.<ref name="Ros cpedia" />
*[[Wikipedia:List of Pokémon (320–386)#Zangoose|Zangoose]] - A Pokémon trainer working for Professor Oak utilized a Zangoose to capture the Pichu who would become Rosechu.<ref name="Ros cpedia" />

==Plagiarism in ''Sonichu''==
Despite the fact that Chris primarily uses Pokémon in his series, not only is he not above using the characters, he's also not above using various ''ideas'' from the series. Amongst those include:

*In [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], [[Flame the Sunbird]] says that he "[could] use pants."<ref name="Sonichu3Page14">[[Sonichu 3]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/3/37/SchuComic3P14.jpg page 14]</ref> This is ripped off from [[Wikipedia:Pokémon: The Movie 2000|''Pokémon: The Movie 2000'']] when the Pokémon [[wikipedia:Slowking|Slowking]], freezing due to the weather changes, wishes for a pair to keep himself warm.
* Despite "not being a Pokémon,"<ref name="Sonichu3Page13">[[Sonichu 3]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/2/2a/SchuComic3P13.jpg page 13]</ref> Flame uses Pokémon attack [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Drill_Peck_%28move%29 Drill Peck] in his one notable appearance.<ref name="Sonichu3Page16">[[Sonichu 3]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/d/de/SchuComic3P16.jpg page 16]</ref> Speculation abounds, but it could be that Chris assumes that "Pokémon rules" apply to all intelligent mystical animals the way anyone with a guitar can pull off solo specials from ''[[Brutal Legend]]''.
* In [[Sonichu Special 4|''Sonichu Special'' #4]], [[Kacey]]'s sister wears similar clothes to those of [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Candice Candice], one of the 4th Generation gym leaders.
* In the biography for [[Rosechu]], it is mentioned that [[Kel]] ended up getting the Pichu who'd become Rosechu because she missed out on getting Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle.<ref name="Ros cpedia">[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu Rosechu]</ref> This is a ripoff of how Ash Ketchum got Pikachu, except for the fact that Ash and Pikachu didn't hit it off until Pikachu saw how far Ash would go to protect it.
* In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], Sonichu inexplicably knows [http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Iron_Tail_%28move%29 Iron Tail], a Steel-type attack, for use on the Rock/Ground-type Liquid (Steel is super effective against Rock).<ref name="Sonichu9Page80">[[Sonichu 9]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/6/67/SchuComic9P80.jpg page 80]</ref> This is stolen, again, from Pikachu, who learned the same move so the writers could let Ash battle Roxanne (and other Rock-types) without breaking the rules of the game. The difference is that leading up to the battle, an episode was spent to show Pikachu learning the move. It is to be noted that in the video games, Pikachu is able to learn this move through the use of an item.
* Human characters from the Pokémon franchise have also been plagiarized into Sonichu. The most prominent example is [[Giovanni]], the leader of Team Rocket who serves as the main villain in ''[[Sonichu 1|Sonichu #1]]'' and also makes brief appearances in ''[[Sonichu 3|Sonichu #3]]'' and ''[[Sonichu 9|Sonichu #9]]''. [[Wikipedia:Professor Oak|Professor Oak]] is also mentioned both within the comic<ref name="Sonichu1Page7">[[Sonichu 1]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/b/b1/SchuComic1P7.jpg page 7]</ref> and on the CWCipedia<ref name="Ros cpedia" /><ref name="Son cpedia" /> though he is never actually seen.

==Memory Cards==
Chris meticulously saved and cataloged at least 15 Pokemon cards he dubbed "Memory Cards". They are scattered throughout his collection. They can be identified by a crudely drawn star taped to the upper right corner of the outside of a card sleeve. Behind the card is the same card stock with the custom [[CWC]] back that he used to print his card from the [[Wall of Originals]]. On which he titled the card, gave a brief reason why the card means so much to him, and numbered the card for the set. The spelling, grammar and handwriting would suggest these are very early editions to his collection. The oldest memory card is dated to [[Twin Falling Towers|September 11, 2001]]. So, it to fair to assume these cards are older than that if numbered by date of acquisition. Full 600 DPI scans of some Memory Cards can be found at [http://www.cabalc.wordpress.com this blog].

<gallery><center>
File:Wiki Memory Card 2.jpg|Memory card 2 in sleeve
File:Memory-card-2.jpg|Memory card 2 out of sleeve
File:Wiki Memory Card 2 back.jpg|Memory card 2 back
File:Wiki Memory Card -15 - 1.jpg|Memory card 15 in sleeve
File:Memory-card-15-2.jpg ‎|Memory card 15 out of sleeve
File:Memory-card-15-3.jpg ‎|Memory card 15 back
</center></gallery>

==See also==
* [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]
* [[Card_games#Pok.C3.A9mon_TCG|''Pokémon TCG'']]
* [[CWC's Pokésite 1]]
* [[CWC's Pokésite 2]]
* [[Pokéwalker of Fail]]
* [[Pokémon GO]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

[[Category:Pokémon and Pokémon Trainers]]
[[Category:Television shows]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Things Chris likes]]

Fan visits

2021-09-23T05:21:37Z

Got2Hands:

{{Protip|If you're thinking about taking a trip to personally check on Barb after [[Incest|what's happened]], then don't. She has been through enough in the past few months as it is, and she is probably better off being left alone.}}

In recent years, Chris and/or Barb have occasionally been '''visited by fans''' at their [[14 Branchland Court|house]].

==Joey Vance==
[[File:JvanceandChris.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris with Joey (far left) and his brother.]]

On 18 [[October 2019]], '''Joey Vance''' and his older brother visited [[Sonichu Headquarters]] to meet Chris. Their accounts were posted on Reddit in r/ChrisChanSonichu the next day.<ref>[https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/dk6ttx/look_who_i_met_the_other_day_im_in_the_back_lol/ Original Post] ([http://archive.li/ZznCn Archive])</ref>

The two brothers were initially visiting [[Charlottesville]] and since [[Ruckersville]] just happens to be in their way, Joey decided to make the most of their time together to personally visit Chris. The overall visit was described as a calm experience between the two parties, with the older brother (known by his Reddit handle xv5qx) even giving a [[Sonic]] toy as a "peace offering". One interesting note Joey mentioned is the fact that Chris smells of [[weed]]. Whether the musk is the result of his usual poor [[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|hygiene]] or his new [[Teen Troon Squad|drug habit]] is still up for debate.

===Audio===
Joey also recorded conversations regarding [[Jacob Sockness]].
{{Infobox/video
| name = A Chat with Christine Weston Chandler/Chris Chan
| ytid = HGXar9jLaq0
| stardate = 19 [[October 2019]]
| maker = Joey Vance 2
| previous = [[ChrisReleasesAStatementRegardingJacobSockness‎‎]]
| next = [[Chris Chan Sonichu plays Twilight Sparkle’s Secret Shipfic Folder, Solitaire]]
| subject = {{Jacob|text}}
}}

===Transcript===
[A [[Clover and Snoopy|dog]] is heard whining eerily throughout the video]

'''Chris''': [Faintly] Hello?

'''Joey's Brother''': Hey, are you Christian Chandler?

'''Chris''': Yes...

'''Joey's Brother''': We live in the area- sorry to bother you- we've been fans for a few years and stuff and...

'''Chris''': Thank you.

'''Joey's Brother''': though we'd kinda give some gifts

'''Chris''': Oh, thank you.

'''Joey's Brother''': Yeah.

'''Chris''': That's very nice.

'''Joey's Brother''': Yeah. Its nice to meet you dude.

'''Chris''': Yeah. It's nice to meet you both.

'''Joey's Brother''': Yeah. Anyway, how have you been?

'''Chris''': I've been doing alright.

'''Joey's Brother''': That's cool.

'''Chris''': Ahh been doing very well, you knowsshh having to cope with [[Jacob_Sockness#Abortive_Virginia_trip|the events-]]

'''Joey's Brother''': Yeah, I- I heard about the- the situation with the guy, I'm sorry to hear about that.

'''Chris''': Well don't worry about that, it's all cool.

'''Joey's Brother''': We're all looking out for your best interests, and you definitely have our support so-

'''Chris''': Thank- [[Homos|I love your blue eyes.]]

'''Joey's Brother''': Oh, appreciate it. I you- [[Heterochromia|blue and green eyes]], they're really cool.

[Pause]

'''Joey's Brother''': That's awesome! Yeah. So, anyway, um is it cool if we get a selfie or something?

'''Chris''': Yeah-

==Aggravating Art==
[[File:Aggrevating ArtPhoto2.png|thumb|250px|Chris with Aggravating Art.]]
On 20 [[February 2021]], a Ruckersville local by the handle of '''Aggravating_Art_2982''', along with his older brother and his brother's girlfriend visited Chris and documented his experience on [[Reddit]]'s r/ChrisChanSonichu subreddit.<ref>[https://old.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/lojfvv/me_and_my_brother_met_chris_today_ask_away/ Original Post] ([https://archive.md/MFjjm Archive])</ref>

<center><gallery>
File:Aggrevating ArtPhoto1.png|Chris getting uncomfortably close with Aggravating Art's brother's girlfriend while looking like a stoned {{w|Rick Moranis}}.
File:Aggrevating ArtPhoto3.png|Aggravating Art on the gazebo.
</gallery></center>
===Video===
Aggravating Art also recorded a short video featuring Chris's wardrobe.
{{Infobox/video
| name = CHRIS CHAN DRIP OUT
| ytid = tQsTwz_Y_Vc
| stardate = 20 [[February 2021]]
| subject =
| style =
| shirt = Patriotic Muumuu
| saga =
| other =
| maker =
| previous = [[Sonichu reads and critiques a Fanfic by The Crimson Libertarian]]
| next = [[Chris Kisses Rosechu]]
}}

==Anon on /pol/==
On 28 [[June 2021]], an anonymous user on [[4chan]]'s /pol/ board visited 14 Branchlord Court to take pictures of the house and [[Son-chu#Barb's Dodge Caravan|the Dodge Caravan]]. The user played the flute near [[Patti]]'s old doghouse and apparently saw Chris peeking through a window in the house.

<center><gallery>
File:June2021Visit1.jpg|
File:June2021Visit2.jpg|
File:June2021VisitThread.png|A screencap of the original 4chan thread.
</gallery></center>

==Phillip Jeffries==
On 29 [[August 2021]], during the fallout of [[Incest|the incest incident]] and the [[August 2021 Arrest and Court Case|August 2021 arrest]], a [[Kiwi Farms]] user called Phillip_Jeffries visited 14 Branchlord Court with a friend in order to see the condition of the aforementioned Dodge Caravan and [[Chandler cats|the cats]]. Phillip was able to confirm that the vehicle was back at the house, and that at least two cats, Baby and Sylvia, were still living at the residence. Most notably, it was also confirmed that Barbara had returned to the house.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/aug-29-2021-barb-returned-to-14bc.99387/</ref>

<center><gallery>
File:August2021House1.jpg|
File:August2021House2.jpg|
File:August2021House3.jpg|
File:August2021House4.jpg|
</gallery></center>

==Barb Visit==
On 20 [[September 2021]], a pair of weens checked up on Barb to ask about Chris, unknowingly recording the audio of the meeting. Barb was previously described as looking frail, more "gone" than usual, and growing facial hair.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/aug-29-2021-barb-returned-to-14bc.99387/page-48#post-9991909</ref> Barb seemed to be confused when asked about where her son was while [[Clover and Snoopy|Clover]] howled at the door.

The video was then posted to the r/ChrisChanSonichu subreddit,<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/ps1foq/i_went_to_chris_chans_house_and_met_barb/</ref> but the original video was taken down before being mirrored.

===Video===
{{Infobox/video
| name = I went to Chis Chan's house and met Barb...
| ytid = 6cd_VfIhRBg
| stardate = [[September 2021]]
}}

==See also==
*[[True and Loyal Fanbase]]

==Reference==
<references/>

{{FanChats}}
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

Honest Content

2021-08-12T00:22:19Z

Got2Hands:

{{Honest}}
{{quote|WHAT … WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU OFFER THAT INFORMATION|[[BILLY MAYS]]'s [[IRC (20 January 2009)|reaction to learning]] of [[Chris]]'s [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]], effectively summarizing Honest Content.}}
[[File:VeryHonestContent.png|thumb|right|One of the earlier examples of the phrase, as a 'Very Honest Content' advisory on [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|Chris's DVD]].]]

'''Honest Content''' refers to the way Chris believes that, in order to be "honest," you must give away excessive amounts of personal information about yourself.

While honesty may be the best policy, Chris has a poor grasp of what honesty is or when it's inappropriate to be "honest." Worse still, he seems to think the only way to attract a woman is to be 100% honest. Like with many of Chris's strange mannerisms, this is likely linked to his [[autism]]; autistics have little to no social filter, causing them to say things they shouldn't say. Chris just so happens to take this to ridiculous levels.

However, Chris will usually not be honest about things that actually warrant it, like how he honestly didn't really go on a date with a girl named [[Chloe]] or [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|that he was honestly fooled by trolls]] or how he [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009|honestly never went to Redmond]]. Likewise, according to [[Bob Chandler|Bob]]<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref> Chris never told him anything, suggesting that he was not honest with his own father.

==Origin==
[[File:Sonichu - Advertisement, Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles, Artwork.jpg|thumb|Rated M for....you know it already.]]

The term "Honest Content" is derived from Chris's [[DVD]] which has a parental advisory for "Very Honest Content", despite said content being harmless and far tamer than [[April 16 Fetish Vids|certain other works]].

Likewise, it appears as a content descriptor in the ESRB rating for ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]''. This fictional [[video game]]'s Honest Content is apparently enough to earn it an M rating (for users 17 and older).

==Honesty==
Upon meeting you, Chris will be happy to "honestly" discuss his:

*[[Heterochromia]]
*[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Fecal incontinence]] (and his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]'s [[Jackie E-mails 24|bowel movements as well]])
*[[Love Quest]]
*[[Autism]]
*[[Noviophobia|Invented phobias]]
*[[Semen|Recycling]]
*[[Donald Duck impersonation]]
*[[Anne Boleyn|Genealogy]]
*[[Mass debating|Masturbation habits]]
*[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|Need to]] [[Brassieres For Males|wear a]] [[bra]]
*[[Sonic Boom Protests|Hatred for blarms]]
*[[Un-clit 2.0|"labia"]]
*[[August 2016 Facebook posts#Incestuous Thoughts|Dreams about having sex with his mother]]
*[[August 2016 Facebook posts#Whopperrito|Bout of diarrhea from eating fast food]]
*[[February 2020 social media posts#On seeing his father's penis|Memory of seeing his father's penis]]
*[[Dimensional Merge|Delusions of Godhood]]
*[[Incest|Actually having sex with his mother]]

His honesty, however, isn't limited to the horrible, but also the insane. When mentioning his first [[Christopher's name change|name-change]], he always credits both [[Chris and religion|God]] and [[The Bear]]. Similarly, when talking about Sonic being his childhood hero he always clarifies that his hero was originally Robert the [[American Rabbit]]. Whether or not he thinks he'll hurt the Rabbit's feelings if he doesn't make that distinction is unknown, though judging by the quite [[Alec Benson Leary calls|illuminating conversations Chris had with Alec]] it's entirely possible, since Chris believes that [[Chris and reality|all fictional characters are "real"]] to some degree.

Despite being candid about just about every little personal aspect, including addresses and phone numbers, Chris will rage at you for supposedly stealing "private" information that [[Chris and hypocrisy|he himself has disclosed]].

==True and Honest==
'''"True and honest"''' (or "TRUE and HONEST" for added impact) is a common catchphrase among trolls, usually used to describe something that isn't the least bit honest or true. Chris first used it with reference to his love for [[PandaHalo]], and it was often used by [[Liquid Chris]].

*In a drawing for PandaHalo of 24 September [[2008]], he (as [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]) signs a "Certificate of True, Honest Love" in his own blood, and gives it to Panda.<ref>[[:File:Me and Panda Bear by SonichuSite.jpg]]</ref>
*On the [[The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog|OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog]], in an entry from 25 September 2008, Chris talked about his would-be sweetheart [[PandaHalo]], saying, "I know she is True and Honest from her voice...SHE IS NOT A TROLL; SO DO NOT TELL ME OTHERWISE OR FRAME HER."
*In [[Mumble 9]], Chris said of his gal-pals: ''"I was very happy that day when I felt such respect when I felt the true honest respect of them."''
*In the extended version of [[CWC Update 29 July 2009]], Chris says, "I am NOT a troll to any of the other True and Honest people out there."
*During one of his [[SHOWDOWN: The TRUE CWC Confronts The FAKE|phone conversations]] with Liquid in August 2009, Chris declared, "I am the true, honest voice of reason here, I am being the- I am the true, honest one here."
*On 22 August 2009, in the comment to the video [[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC]], Chris wrote "Thank you to all my True, Loyal Honest Fans for giving me RESPECT."
*In a 24 August 2009 [[CWC Blog]] post, Chris wrote "I wish to make a few points of Honest Truth here," and mentioned "all Honest, True People."
*In [[For Chris]], a video from the Liquid dispute dated 22 October 2009, Chris talked about his infamous honesty: "I like sharing my honest feelings with other people because they're good feelings, most of the time. And more importantly they are true and honest feelings. SO THERE."
*In the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], from November 2009, after being caught up in lie a half-sobbing Chris said, "I have not been lying to anybody! I have been honest and true."

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[List of Chris's lies]]
*[[Chris and censorship]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category: CWC-isms]]

User:Got2Hands

2021-07-16T06:16:49Z

Got2Hands:

Transcribed [[SpaghettiRoutine]] and part of the [[Lars Call]]. Makes edits when necessary and reasonably appropriate. Shameless Silvana fan.

{{Kitty}}

{{GrammarNazi}}

{{Evan}}

{{Transcriber}}

Sylvia’s being comfy and a little bobble-headed

2021-06-21T22:56:42Z

Got2Hands:

On 20 [[June 2021]], Chris tweeted a short video of himself baby-talking to and playing with one of his cats, [[Liza, Patches and Sylvia|Sylvia]].

{{quote|Sylvia’s being comfy and a little bobble-headed. Still cute. 😸}}

The video is noteworthy for featuring a seemingly [[overweight]] Sylvia, a sign of possible overfeeding.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Sylvia’s being comfy and a little bobble-headed
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DXiHfxx7Wbk}}
| stardate = 20 [[June 2021]]
| subject =
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| shirt =
| saga =
| other =
| previous = [[Birthday Greetings to Devin]]
| next = N/A
}}

==Transcript==
[''Chris lies filming in bed, an overweight Sylvia sprawled out beside him. As he jiggles his leg, Sylvia jiggles with it.'']

I wanna see you do this. You're a bobbly, aren't you, bobble-head? [''Chris chuckles''] You're a bobble-headed kitty. [''Sylvia rolls onto her back''] Aww, you're so cute. [''high-pitched baby voice''] He's so cute! [''Zooms in on Sylvia's face''] Hello. Hello! Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow! [''Nonsensical cooing''] Heh. N'aww, look at you.

[''Sylvia continues to purr loudly.'']

==External links==
*[https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1406447302584242187 Link to tweet]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Birthday Greetings to Devin]]|nextlink=}}

[[Category:Twitter]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2021]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to Twitter]]

Sylvia’s being comfy and a little bobble-headed

2021-06-21T22:55:32Z

Got2Hands:

On 20 [[June 2021]], Chris tweeted a short video of himself baby-talking to and playing with one of his cats, [[Liza, Patches and Sylvia|Sylvia]].

{{quote|Sylvia’s being comfy and a little bobble-headed. Still cute. 😸}}

The video is noteworthy for featuring a seemingly [[overweight]] Sylvia, a sign of possible overfeeding.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Sylvia’s being comfy and a little bobble-headed
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DXiHfxx7Wbk}}
| stardate = 20 [[June 2021]]
| subject =
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| shirt =
| saga =
| other =
| previous = [[Birthday Greetings to Devin]]
| next = N/A
}}

==Transcript==
[''Chris lies filming in bed, an overweight Sylvia sprawled out beside him. As he jiggles his leg, Sylvia jiggles with it.'']

I wanna see you do this. You're a bobbly, aren't you, bobble-head? [''Chris chuckles''] You're a bobble-headed kitty. [''Sylvia rolls onto her back''] Aww, you're so cute. [''high-pitched baby voice''] He's so cute! [''Zooms in on Sylvia's face'] Hello. Hello! Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow! [''assorted cooing''] Heh. N'aww, look at you.

[''Sylvia continues to purr'']

==External links==
*[https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1406447302584242187 Link to tweet]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Birthday Greetings to Devin]]|nextlink=}}

[[Category:Twitter]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2021]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to Twitter]]

SpaghettiRoutine

2021-06-01T08:11:23Z

Got2Hands:

'''SpaghettiRoutine''' is a [[YouTube]] [[video]] that [[Chris]] uploaded on 30 [[October 2010]]. [[Jackie]] had requested him to make a video depicting him actually cooking spaghetti (which is a very simple dish to make) in his [[Chris's kitchen|kitchen]]. Chris [[List of Chris's lies|claimed]] that [[Barb|his mother]] had cluttered up the stove, and thus ''pretended'' to make spaghetti instead. Chris then presents microwaved spaghetti served on a paper plate and rubs his face in it. As he wipes the sauce from his face, he shoehorns in a not-so-subtle jab at [[Clyde Cash]].

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = SpaghettiRoutine
| video = {{#ev:youtube|BAIXSVcmZP8}}
| stardate = 30 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Other|[[Obesity|Food]]}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}, {{Racism|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}
| shirt = {{VertRedShirt|text}}
| previous = [[ShowerClean2]]
| next = [[WelcometoBollywood]]
}}

{{quote|Unfortunately, I don't have access to stove 'cause mama put a whole bunch of crap in the way.}}

=== Transcript ===
[[Image:Chefboyardee.jpg|thumb|right|Thank goodness for Chris's [[TRUE and HONEST]] Special Recipe. (DO NOT STEAL.)]]

For this presentation, I was going to make some spaghetti, live in the kitchen. But unfortunately, I don't have access to stove 'cause mama put a whole bunch of crap in the way. So, I am going to mime it.

[''Mimes picking up a pot.'']

Here's the pot.

[''Wipes down the imaginary stove and mimes putting the pot on the burner.'']

Put it on the stove.

[''Mimes turning on the stove.'']

Set it to the boiling temperature.

[''Gestures upwards, making a sound that imitates steam rushing up, before making a tapping motion with his fingers to represent the water bubbling.'']

Boop-boop-boop-boop! Ah, in time the water's boiling. So we take the pot of spaghetti noodles...

[''Mimics opening a package of dried noodles.'']

And...

[''Hissing noises, wild gestures.'']

Click click click click click click!

[''Stirring motions. Adopts a baby voice.'']

Noodles, smell so good!

[''Lifts pretend noodles as if on a spoon.'']

Mm, hey look at that. [[Duck|Drippy, no stiffy!]]

[''Holds them close to the camera.'']

I offer you some don—some non stiff drippy! But it's hot right now, so you might wanna wait a while.

[''More hissing, more stirring.'']

Yeah, I say our noodles are done.

[''More imaginary knob turning. Chris motions as if holding a fishing rod.'']

Hey, we pour—we drain the water out.

[''Does so, and sets “pot” down.'']

We get some plate-we get some plates.

[''Mimes getting plates down.'']

Oh wait a minute...we're serving two!

[''In light of this epiphany, Chris tosses the excess plates away and makes shattering sounds.'']

Heh heh! I'm just kiddin'.

[''More gesturing, seems to be serving spaghetti.'']

Fork.

[''Mimes scraping pot.'']

We don't want any noodles left behind! We'll rinse that out later! In the meantime, here's a good jar of marinara sauce.

[''Produces imaginary sauce. Unscrews it with unnecessary groaning noises, then a pop sound to indicate the lid coming off.'']

There we go, I popped the seal!

[''Pours it.'']

Bloop-bloop-bloop-bloop...and now some grated mozzarella!

[''Sings while caressing the mozzarella.'']

I gotta pop this seal. Bloop-bloop...

[''Shakes it over the food.'']

And we'll add other spices...from my father's collection, which includes rosemary, garlic, parsley, whatever.

[''More “unsealing”, more “shaking.”'']

And you can make your own meatballs with uh, processed meat and... put it all on a tray or something, let me throw it in, rolling it all into balls. But [[CWC - Hand Drawn Original|they end up not so good]], not as good, are they? So, what about we did, what if you buy your own meatballs? We had this pot-we had this package of Swedish meatballs, cook it in the microwave alread- so they're warming up already.

[''Opens a package of imaginary meatballs, does something unidentifiable to them, and appears to dump them all over the “table.”'']

And in the end, on one-at least on one of the two plates, you get somethin'...like this!

[''Turns the camera to focus on a plate of real, albeit canned, spaghetti and meatballs on a paper plate. Zooms in and out on it.'']

Yummy, yummy, delicious!

[''Focuses back on himself. Goes back to the baby voice.'']

So now we can sit down and eat our spaghetti. It is so delicious.

[''Stirs the plate of real spaghetti with a plastic fork.'']

Mmm...it smells so good!

[''Holds a forkful up to the camera.'']

You want a bite? Look at this, you want a bite? Mm, very good, num. You better take a bite, because you know what? Watch this- watch this- you watchin'?

[''Chris mashes his face into the spaghetti like a child and takes several disgusting bites, then emerges with sauce on his nose and chin. He holds out his arms and flashes a shit-eating grin, like he did something worth praising.'']

Ta-da!

[''Laughs. Wipes his face with a paper towel.'']

I'm just kiddin'. I wouldn't do that to you for real life, huh-huh. It's fun. Hey, [[Clyde Cash|at least my head's not fuckin' orange]]. Like a certain...

[''Wipes nose some more'']

...Cashey-type person I know.

[''Turns camera off.'']

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[ShowerClean2]]|nextlink=[[WelcometoBollywood]]}}

{{Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Jacklyn's Naughty No Trick, All Treat, 31 Days of Halloween Contest| 2010-10-30 c]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, October 2010| 2010-10-30 c]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos| 2010-10-30 c]]

Chris and sex

2021-05-27T22:28:46Z

Got2Hands:

{{Dated}}
{{Honest}}
{{HealthDisclosure}}
[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sexual intercourse''' (a.k.a. '''hanky-panky'''), mostly stemming from stunted sexual development, [[Borb|a sheltered upbringing]], and the [[Autism|twisted, disjointed]] [[Chris and reality|worldview]] he acquired as a result. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on HBO at around age 16. He describes pornographic films as "educational".<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga#Chris Sets the Record STRAIGHT]]</ref>

==Knowledge of sex==
In his mind, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful... sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate", a description he [[Things Chris has ripped off|stole]] from ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> In truth, for much of the time he was presenting this advice Chris had yet to even kiss a girl.<ref name="Jackie E-mails 2">[[Jackie E-mails 2]]</ref>

What he knows about sex he's picked up from rudimentary [[high school]] [[Dating education|sex education]] or [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|pornography]]. This has engendered many false beliefs in Chris, which he sticks to religiously. Readers who brave his [[Chris Sex Logs|sex chat logs]] should immediately notice what's going wrong--Chris's fantasies are merely recreations of what he's seen in pornos, rather than plausible sexual experiences. For example, he believed that [[Kacey]] would welcome a brutal tit-fucking followed by load after load of [[navy]] to the face.<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>

Other examples of Chris's crude misconceptions about sex abound. He mimics female porn stars' sex positions, spreads an imaginary vagina a yard across,<ref name="JR Eyes">[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]</ref> thinks that the clitoris is located on the female body where the [[wikipedia:Perineum|perineum]] is located on the male one<ref>[[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Introducing the Un-clit]]</ref> and believes that electric shocks to the vagina are pleasurable.<ref name="Cums cat">[[CWC Cums for a Cat]]</ref> He also seems to believe that a woman's vagina is higher up on the woman's body that it actually is;<ref>[[:File:SchuComicSP3P7.jpg]]</ref> this is undoubtedly due to his experience with his [[Kimmi|sex]] [[Officer Nasty|dolls]]. The "missionary cowgirl" position mentioned in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is a contradiction in terms. He can't even get the most basic double entendres correct, wearing a terrible [[CWC Cola|Mountain Dew]] parody shirt thinking it's an invitation for women to try and ride his broken [[penis]].<ref name="JR Eyes" /> He thinks that his [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] is a precious and sought-after treasure which women will come in droves to take (he even went so far as to use it as a bargaining chip to haggle with a prostitute), and believes that [[mass debating]] ultimately makes him better at sex.

With Chris's [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]], he is also noticeably confused about basic sexual terminology. For example, Chris told Ivy he had a "sticky dream" about her. When Ivy asked if he meant a wet dream, he replied, "No, that's when you pee yourself, silly!"<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#Threats]]</ref> While he may have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. He refuses to use common terms--either medical or slang--for sex organs, instead calling penises "[[duck]]s" and "[[pickle]]s", and vaginas and vulvae "[[china]]" or "tom-tom" out of a childish aversion borne of disgust.

In [[August 2011]], Chris said he is into female domination.<ref>[[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]</ref> (going as far as to draw Sonichu and Rosechu performing the act in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]).

==Moral basis on sex and double standards==
===The Bible===
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? ''Really''? In a ''children's'' comic? Because they should know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: but I say to you, that whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is (partially) dictated by the Bible - or rather, by his religion, as Chris's Biblical knowledge is extremely poor. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when male homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' homos, but with no hesitation views lesbian porn and approves of it [[Mass debating|masturbatorily]]<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref>, and as of 2014, seemed to be adopting a more progressive view of even gay men and their rights (albeit begrudgingly). In 2015 Chris made a video lamenting his "past" homophobia and clarifying that he apparently now has great liking and admiration for male homosexuality, [[Retroactive continuity|retconning]] the viscous homophobic tirade of [[Sonichu 10]] into a bizarre zombie apocalypse, implying that he realizes religion is not an excuse for discrimination. Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he planned on losing his virginity on the [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true sweetheart (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). This is, of course, blatant violation of the Christian value of marriage before sex.

The Bible also frowns upon [[Nudes|pornographers]], of which he is very guilty and holds no apparent [[Chris and remorse|remorse]]. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to denigrate and what is OK in his own personal dogma, although to be fair, the same is true of many Christians anyway.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is most likely because he goes to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|a very liberal church]], so any question about premarital sex is probably interpreted quite liberally, and Chris believes that his church and ''only'' his church defines the entirety of religious morality - as it applies to him, anyway. When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by [[trolls]], she only fuels his à la carte Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which contradicts Christian doctrine.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> In summary, Chris picks and chooses what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest]].

===Sexism===
[[File:Female anatomy according to chris.png|thumb|A moderately detailed portrait of what Chris probably thought females looked like before meeting [[Mia Hamm]].]]

Chris seems to consider a female sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he's ever held, he announced his desire to upload on the Internet a video of his first full sexual intercourse, even if his hypothetical partner refused to consent to it.<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)]]</ref> After further prodding, he added that he would simply hide the camera, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public.<ref>[[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line]]</ref> In [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]], Chris indicated that if a woman accused him of being gay in person, he would sexually assault them by demanding they submit to a kiss and allow him to videotape the act, possibly as a way of proving his straightness.

For Chris, as stated above, [[Women's rights|a woman is just a living, sentient sex-toy]], existing only to validate him as a heterosexual. As long as they're straight and younger than him, of course.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|frame|right|Christian [[For Julie's Eyes Only|professing his love]] for "[[BlueSpike|Julie]]".]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous sex tape with Kimmi shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. It seems that Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the [[JERKS|men]] in pornography (due to fear of becoming a [[homo]]).

However, it should be noted that in most of Chris's Rule 34 drawings the characters do tend to assume positions which are fitting for their gender, including Chris.<ref>For examples, see the [[Sonichu 8#The uncensored scenes|uncensored panels]] from Sonichu 8, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]], [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]], the [[Giant Penis Comic]] and [[Jackie E-mails 14]].</ref> It might be that Chris adopts female positions not so much due to ignorance regarding sex, but more because of [[Tomgirl pictures|his identification with the opposite gender]].

Chris's view of cunnilingus, put on display in [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]], involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the clitoris.

In the leaked media, Chris displays that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (bent duck, [[Obesity|being overweight]], lack of endurance) or psychological in nature (performance anxiety, high expectations, intrusive homoerotic thoughts, subconscious guilt about sex), or a combination thereof.

In 2018 the 2018 [[All Star]] video, Chris is seen tugging his [[duck]] along to the song. He remains flaccid the entire time; his inability to get an erection is possibly a side effect of [[Transgender|HRT]]. If this is true, Chris will certainly not be getting any hanky-panky in the future.

During his time losing his virginity to a [[Mia Hamm| prostitute]] its worth noting that he first received a blowjob, than demanded cowgirl before possible missionary later; [[Obesity| but luckily for her]] he couldn't last very long and finished just after she rid him for a bit; this is important as it points to 2 big problems with Chris; first his lack of self control due to him [[Navy| finishing]] so quickly, second is that he ordered possibly the laziest sex position in the book, with Mia doing pretty much all of the physical exercise with Chris being a lazy fuck.

==Homosexuality==
{{main|Chris and sexuality}}

==Pedophilia==
{{main|Pedofork}}

==Bestiality==
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris to [[PandaHalo]]<ref name="collie">[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>}}
[[File:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|Run, Patti, run!]]
[[File:Super-mode.jpg|thumb|left|90px|Chris, sporting a [[ECV 00002‎|homemade fursuit]].]]

In [[December 2008]], Chris told [[PandaHalo]] he would be willing to have sex with a female dog for her.<ref name="collie" /> However, in his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against bestiality, then hoists himself by his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form; so technically this isn't bestiality, as they're animals having sex with each other.

Chris suggested that Brian from ''[[Family Guy]]'' be paired up with "any sexy breed" of dog.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20161007175309/http://archive.sonichu.com:80/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy The Family Guy article on CWCipedia]</ref>

In [[The Red-Maned Deer]], Chris recites a poem he wrote about having sex with a deer, but at the end of it states, "This was, in fact, NOT an act of bestiality. For you see, the Red-Maned Deer I have been communicating with and tracking, is really...my lo-my womanly sweetheart, named [[Jacklyn Romy]]."<ref>[[The Red-Maned Deer]]</ref> The fact that the deer is Jackie is obvious, but in spite of this he explicitly stated that it was her at the end.

In a photo of the [[Rental House]] from June 2014, the Chandler minivan bears a bumper sticker reading "I Sleep with Dogs".<ref>[[:File:Chandler Cars 1600w.jpg]]</ref> What exactly this means is yet to be determined.

===Is Chris a furry?===
{{Wise|he is a furry.}}

{{quote|I am half-Sonichu and half-Pokemon, thus making me a "furry".|Chris, May 2018, during the aftermath of the [[Idea Guys]] saga.<ref>https://tweetsave.com/cwcsonichu/status/997320832040005634</ref>}}

Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a furry was, for a long time, debated.<ref>From [[Sarah May Skype Logs#Chris tries to leave|the Sarah May Skype Logs]]: [7:17:25] '''Sarah May''': Did you feel sexually aroused when you drew them? [7:17:34] '''Christopher C.W.C.''': a bit.</ref> There are some things that point in that direction. [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is in many ways similar to a fursona. Chris has also used the character while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref name="Cums cat" /> Finally, in the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. However, it was confirmed by [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] that Chris was actually prejudiced against furries, not because of who they are, but because many furries tend to be [[homos]].<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Racism and homophobia]]</ref>

Under the influence of the [[Idea Guys]], in May 2018, Chris went back on another of his long-held beliefs. Becoming another of the things he used to loathe, Chris dubbed himself a furry.<ref>[[May_2018_social_media_posts#Michael_Hirtes_BTFO]]</ref> The Idea Guys also [[brainwashed]] him into believing he is in a [[polyamorous marriage]] with furry [[imaginary friends]] such as [[Magi-Chan]] and [[Cryzel]], and Chris believes he has had sexual relations with these imaginary friends.<ref>[[July 2018 social media posts#BronyCon thoughts]]</ref>

While Chris may loosely qualify as a furry via his obsession with anthropomorphic [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], he has not participated in the furry community itself.

{{-}}

==Prostitution==
[[Image:Virginbreaker.png|thumb|Chris's leaked [[Facebook]] announcement that he had lost his virginity. Initially igniting a firestorm of controversy, Chris himself let it slip that she was found "somewhere on the backpage" soon after.]]

Given how badly Chris wanted to lose his virginity, many observers have wondered why he didn't immediately spend some of his [[tugboat]] on a prostitute. [[Mumble 4]], from [[February 2009]], answered that question for a while. There, Chris explained that paying for sex would render the act "meaningless," and he was - in a rare display of common sense - afraid of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

Needs must as the devil drives, though. While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of [[2009]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked [[PlayStation Network]] accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life to try and gain sympathy. He was genuinely shocked when she didn't offer to fuck him out of pity, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, in [[March 2009]], [[Bryan Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a virgin with rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].

By the beginning of [[2010]], Chris's views on prostitution had further softened. According to his [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|conversations with Vivian Gee]], around the turn of the year he was attempting to save $100 out of his monthly budget to buy himself a whore for his 28th [[birthday]]. This, presumably, was the "hundred dollars for a damn hooker" he referred to when [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|begging the Wallflower for sex]] on YouTube in [[March 2010]].

Between [[April 2010|April]] and [[July 2010]], under the name of [[Carlos Chantor]], Chris tried to offer himself up as a male escort. He described himself as "[[Chris and reality|Experienced for Her Pleasure]]", with an [[obesity|average]] body type.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref>

Later, under the guise of his troll persona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris attempted to acquire the contact details of the hookers Brian Bash had previously hired. While it is possible that Chris merely wished to make his disguise more convincing by implying that 14 year old Jenkins wished to hire prostitutes, it seems far more likely that Chris actually was considering hiring Brian's girls.

In [[April 2012]] a [[Facebook]] status leaked in which Chris announced that he was no longer a virgin. Suspicion arose that this was due to the help of a hooker. Chris provided further evidence suggesting that [[Mia Hamm|the girl]] was a prostitute on 1 [[May 2012|May]] when he wrote in a [[Facebook#Hey, Trollies|Facebook note]] that his virgin breaker can be found "somewhere on the [[Wikipedia:Backpage|backpage]]", a website known for featuring sex service ads.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20210206132219/https://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/19/opinion/kristof-not-quite-a-teen-yet-sold-for-sex.html?_r=1]</ref> On 28/29 June 2014 Chris openly admitted that his first time was with a prostitute, and that he had sex with her twice.<ref>[[Other documents#Chris's wingman]]</ref>

In [[June 2016]], Chris himself made [[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's|another attempt]] to enter the prostitution business, now as a [[Tomgirl|trans woman]], going by the name "Stephanie Bustcakes". Predictably, Chris was unable to find any "women of any orientation" who were interested in paying him $100 to have sex either "one way or the lesbian way", and the Stephanie Bustcakes persona has not yet reappeared.

[[File:ChrisChanSexForMoney.png|thumb]]
In [[April 2018]], Chris, facing [[Financhu Crisis|serious financial issues]] and having recently been brainwashed into [[bisexual]]ity, made a [[Twitter|tweet]] offering to [[April 2018 social media posts#Will provide house tour and suck dicks for money|give blowjobs for money]]. However, the post may have been made under the influence of the [[Idea Guys]], and few of Chris's fans have any interest in taking up his offer to verify.

==Incest==
{{Dated}}
{{Quote|I, myself, Did have dreams of having sex with [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]].|Chris, 2016}}

[[File:CWCSonichu Rule34.jpeg|thumb|Chris having sex with his "son," Sonichu, in order to fulfill a prophecy to bring Crystal into the world.]]

[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], Chris's imaginary twin sister, appeared as a [[:image:153-GirlfriendsGift.jpg|"girlfriend" card]] he made for ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'', and her attractiveness and desirability are brought up several times in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] comics well after being established as Chris's twin. Chris has shown complete ignorance in matters incestuous before; his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are all related (despite their type and appearance differences, they all come from [[homos|Sonic and the same male Pikachu]]-apart from that fact, they were all created by Chris and acknowledge him as such- Sonichu and Rosechu calling him father), but many of them are paired off with one-another (notably Sonichu/Rosechu, Bubbles/Blake, and Magi/Silvana- Simonla was technically made by someone else), banging and some even [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|having]] [[Sandy Rosechu|kids]]. Chris's own comic children are a form of incest- as Chris impregnated himself with his navy. Chris shrugs off [[Autism|all medical/science facts]] and lists the two as perfectly healthy and Autism Free

Chris first expounded his views on incest to the internet on 31 [[January 2009]] during the [[Mumble 1|first Mumble chat]], when it was revealed that he did not fully understood the meaning of the word "incest". While he showed aversion toward incest in the chat, his condemnation of it was lukewarm, saying that he would only "definitely discourage that" and that lesbian incest is "possibly OK" due to no reproduction being involved. Compare this to his statements about male homosexuality from the same chat ("I hate homo males [...] I'd sooner have a [[Tomgirl Saga|sex change]] before I would ever turn into a homo") or to his statements about male homosexuality from earlier that month, saying that he would make it a crime and force its practitioners into having sex with members of the opposite gender.<ref>[[IRC (02 January 2009)]]</ref>

A year later, Chris's views became staunch. When a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]] pointed out that Chris's state allows cousin marriage but not same-sex marriage, Chris furiously denied it and wrote, "Cousin-Marriage is just as Terrible and Unholy as MARRYING YOUR OWN MOTHER OR FATHER!"<ref>[[Common Questions#5 January 2010]]</ref> When another correspondent responded to Chris by saying that he is happily married to his cousin and that their marriage is indeed legal in Virginia, Chris answered him by saying he was destined to hell for his relationship,<ref>[[Mailbag 34#Good luck in hell]]</ref> not realizing that incest is shown in a positive light in [[Chris and religion|the Bible]]. When the subject came up again in the next mailbag, Chris said that sexual relations between cousins are just as wrong as incest between parents and their children or between siblings, and that all those relationships were condemned in the "same part" of the Bible,<ref>[[Mailbag 35#I think he wanted a specific verse]]</ref> which is not actually true.<ref> [https://web.archive.org/web/20051223102404/http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=religion]</ref>

During the [[Idea Guy]] saga, the troll convinced Chris that [[Magi-Chan]] foretold of a prophecy in which [[Crystal]] would be born by Chris mating with Sonichu. He also informed Chris that if this was drawn, he wouldn't have to do it in real life. Chris complied<ref>https://archive.md/AL1PT</ref>. During the nonsensical [[Sonichu 13| issue 13]] of Sonichu incest is unsurprisingly everywhere, from [[Chris Chan Sonichu]] getting married to [[Magichan]] to Chris and Sonichu raping each other.

===Dreams of sex with Barb===
On 10 August 2016, Chris posted a [[Facebook statuses|response]] to a mother-son couple who were arrested for incest. He admitted to "[having] dreams of having sex with my mother" but "Never acting on them ever." Among other things, he also implied that incest "offers a chance for better teaching the child how to better satisfy their eventual partner(s)." All this is in stark contrast to his earlier condemnation of incest, which raises the question of whether Chris was being TRUE and HONEST but changed his opinion later thanks to his growing degeneracy, or the likelier possibility it was [[Hypocrisy|all for show]].

{{quotebox|I have a few things to say in response to this article. Firstly, the child was over 18, and surely the mother has talked it out with him beforehand. The child might have had social problems, or a situation where socializing or going out to socialize with other people, was a Greater Difficulty. Financial situation to prevent paying someone else to come over and help out in the situation. Moreover, it was the lifelong affections between parent and child. Also, the mother probably could not bear any ovum for children anymore.
Anyhow, who among Everyone in this world has not had a dream of having sex with one of their parents? Never acting on them ever, I, myself, Did have dreams of having sex with my mother.
Although incest is quite controversial topic, but there are circumstances where there would be not so much harm as one may think, feel or believe. The child is over 18; the mother is unable to have any more children at the time; birth control and protection is available and can be used (in a case of father/daughter, birth control Definitely should be used anyhow). Also, consider if the child is adopted; not as much biological.
Plus, this offers a chance for better teaching the child how to better satisfy their eventual partner(s). The schools can only teach from books; not so much practice. And Nobody wants to end up being a 20 or 30-plus year old Virgin. I know; That is a Huge, Enduring Pain.
Unless the sex act was abusive, hurtful, or Would result in an unwanted birth of a physical or mental challenged child, I would not judge or persecute the parent and child. I would encourage the child to socialize more; maybe make it easier for the child to meet more people his/her age.
Do Not send the mother and son to jail!}}

On 13 September 2019, while [[Spirit possession|role-playing]] as Magi-Chan, Chris would describe Barb as a "guilty pleasure waifu."<ref>[[September 2019 social media posts#Barbara was more of a "guilty pleasure" waifu]]</ref>

==Rape==

{{Protip|Despite your worst fears, Chris won't rape anybody, so stop saying that.}}

Chris is very apathetic about the idea of rape. When [[PandaHalo]] told him she was raped by [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]], he reacted nonchalantly. He even thought it would be appropriate for Panda to move in with her rapist, whom he called a "good man" for regretting the rape and for being willing to take care of the ensuing child.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref> Later on, long after the PandaHalo saga was over, he would wish her and her rapist a happy marriage.<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, A.K.A. PandaHalo]]</ref> In [[iPods Down and Listen Up]], he doesn't seem to realize that his improvised lyrics detail a sexual act that would almost certainly be construed by others as rape. More recently, he has taken to comparing his ordeals with the trolls to rape in his Facebook posts.

As far as ''Chris'' being a potential rapist is concerned, during a particularly [[IRC (23 July 2009)|disturbing chat]], he ([[:File:BillRiley.jpg|incognito]]) suggested that the trolls try to convince him to rape [[Rocky Shoemaker]]. He also evidently see's no issue with rape by fraud (essentially having sex with someone while tricking them into believing you're somebody else, meaning they didn't consent with you) as seen with his comic book counterpart when he travels forwards in time to have sex with his future wife lovely weather in the guise of being his future self [[Tomgirl|(whom is definitely a different person in the future)]]. During the [[Kacey Calls]] he attempted unsuccessfully to lure her to his place in the guise of being [[Liquid Chris]], again seeing absolutely nothing wrong with that.

In all likelihood, though, these parts of his behavior are most likely explained by the keys to understanding his behavior overall: his ignorance about the world and his persecution complex causes him to be quite [[naïve]] about how bad rape actually is. With the Rocky situation above, he likely said that as part of an odd, roundabout scheme to get the trolls arrested, but it's still pretty fucked up that he'd even suggest something like this, let alone tell her about it after.

Chris has a surprisingly mature moral opinion on the subject of abortion in cases of rape; in one of the [[Kacey Calls]], he states he believes that abortion in these cases should be the choice of the victim only and that they should not be pressured by others in their decision.

One might assume that he will one day try to rape someone due to this mindset and stalker tendencies, but this scenario is highly unlikely. For instance, he tried to kiss [[Emily]] and gave up when she said no,<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#A precious farewell (1:29:35–1:31:10)]]</ref> showing that he does understand the importance of consent....or at least, he ''used'' to. Unfortunately, it seems that as of 2014, he has decided that he won't take "no" for an answer, and basically ''molested'' [[Catherine#The Date|Catherine during their second outing]] by hugging her and burying his head in her breasts even after she flatly told him not to. This gets even more disturbing when you consider [[Catherine E-mails#It IS Your Fault!|this e-mail]], where Chris outright says that he's [[Chris and his Ego|"entitled to a relationship"]].

He also doesn't have a history of violence (indeed, quite, quite the opposite), and aside from his [[Death threats#Likelihood of Acting Out on Death Threats|habit of dishing out threats he can't possibly carry out]], Chris is physically [[Chris and health|very weak and unfit]], and simply could not overpower an able-bodied person - the only outcome of him attempting it would be a swift knee to the [[duck]] followed by a rousing round of [[Kick the Autistic|America's favorite game]]. However, given Catherine's experience with Chris during their outing (in her words, she was taken by surprise and couldn't react to it), potential sweethearts should still exercise some caution around him.

Interestingly, Chris details in [[Announcement 06292016]] that he wants all men to stay an arm's length distance away from him. Along with showing the insecurities he possesses concerning men, Chris seems to think that he is [[Tomgirl|female]] enough or [[Chris and his ego|attractive]] enough that [[Chris and reality|a man would want to rape him.]]

==Contraceptives==

{{quote|Confidentially, I wear a condom during the second half when I masturbate; I use Trojan or LIfestyles brand (Trojan mostly)

And I used condoms when I fooled with the [[Officer Nasty|L.D.s]] as well.|Chris, [[Jackie E-mails 1]]}}

Condoms, or as Chris has called them "'''raincoats'''", are thin latex coverings worn over a man's penis for the purpose of birth control. However, Chris seemed to understand the condom as more of a symbol for promoting safe premarital sex rather than as a contraceptive. Aside from promoting safe sex and justifying premarital sex, Chris has also drawn his male Sonichu characters with condoms in order to censor their penises. Chris has stated that before his third date with [[Blanca]], he'd wear a condom for the first two times they've had sex, only to have non-protected sex by the third date, showing that he also believed that condoms serve more as some kind of gateway to pregnancy. Chris had a box of chocolate-flavored condoms that he purchased to be prepared for his first time. Chris had given a few different dates for when they expired; some time in 2010 <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris_Sex_Logs#Condoms</ref> and January 2013.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/IRC_(27_December_2008)</ref> Chris reportedly also wore a condom that was flavored like green apple while engaging in sex with Mia Hamm.<ref>[[July 2020 social media posts]]</ref>. Its not entirely clear whether the condom was entirely successful or not due to him mentioning that a "Smidge" of Navy had leaked out after their first round together, meaning he either kept them in his pocket far too long, the condom didn't fit entirely properly around his [[Duck]], he became flaccid way faster than he should have, or he's an idiot who mistook a smear of lube or vaginal discharge for semen. For those wondering however, it's probably safe to assume [[Mia Hamm]] won't be harbouring [[Crystal]] any time soon; even by some non-existent chance he managed to get her pregnant, she would have likely been on the pill anyway.

==See also==
*[[China]]
*[[Chris and his Ego]]
*[[Chris and gender]]
*[[Chris and sexuality]]
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Homos]]
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[Naive]]
*[[Pickle]]
*[[Semen]]
*[[ShecameforCWC.JPG]]
*[[Women's rights]]

== References ==
<references/>

{{Love quest}}
{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]

Sam and Ellen

2021-04-29T00:00:49Z

Got2Hands:

{{Honest}}
{{Troll}}

'''Sam''' and '''Ellen''' are a lesbian couple who considered Chris as a surrogate father, in reality troll characters introduced to him by the [[Lady Managers]]<ref name=johan>[[CWC Responds to a bully named Johan]]</ref> to [[manipulate]] him into showing off his [[Chris's Specimen Sample|frozen semen collection]] and to film [[Lesbian Sex Audition|another sex tape with a doll]].

The setup for the sex tape was that [[Johan]], a former gay porn star, was Chris's main competition to be a surrogate father. He made Sam and Ellen aware of some of Chris's previous exploits such as the [[cakefarts]] video and the [[Megan Schroeder]] saga, which cast serious doubts on Chris' viability. Though unclear who put forth the challenge, all parties agreed that Chris and Johan would both make videos to prove their sexual prowess and the winner would be decided through an online poll.<ref name=johan>[[CWC Responds to a bully named Johan]]</ref> Around 7,000 votes were cast, with Johan taking a 16-point lead over Chris, despite the latter accusing the former of having an STD and being a bully. Sam and Ellen have yet to be heard of again since; it's generally assumed they chose Johan to impregnate one of them and lived happily ever after with a child that was not Chris's.

Their names are a pun on "salmonella." At first, they gave their names as '''Samantha''' and '''Ellie''',<ref>[[Chris's Specimen Sample]]</ref> which were later morphed to Sam and Ellen for the pun effect.

==References==
<references/>

{{People}}
[[Category:Lady Managers Saga]]
[[Category:Trolls]]

Sonichu 12-9

2021-04-21T02:46:09Z

Got2Hands:

:''This article is about the ''My Little Pony'' fanfiction comic originally called ''Sonichu'' #13. For the novella dictated to Chris by the Idea Guys, see [[Sonichu 13|''Sonichu'' #13]].''
{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #12-9
| cover = Sonichu 12-9 Cover.jpg
| coverdate = 25 [[August 2017]]
| finishedcomic = 20 [[July 2018]]
| pagecount = 55
| episodes = 1 (split into 4 arcs)
| previous = [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]]
| next = [[Sonichu 13|''Sonichu #13]]
}}
{{Quote|I am an [[art]]ist, but I also [[Hyperdimension Neptunia|traverse dimensions]], and I posess [''sic''] psychic powers. Moreover, I enjoy having fun.|Night Star introduces herself.}}
'''''Sonichu'' #12-9''' (formerly ''Sonichu'' #13) is the 14th issue of the Sonichu comic series. The unusual title is due to Chris's [[superstition]] about the number thirteen.<ref>[[CLog 08142017 - More Positive Content]]</ref> The name ''"Sonichu #13"'' would later be applied to [[Sonichu 13|the next issue]] on August 29, 2019, thus confusing readers into thinking that this issue is a sequel to [[Sonichu 12]].

The plot of this issue was heavily shaped by the [[saga]]s and events in Chris's own life which occurred during the 14 months he worked on the comic - namely, [[BronyCon]] and the [[Doopie]], [[Jessica Quinn]] and [[Idea Guy]] sagas.

Influence from the Idea Guys features heavily in the third act of the comic, as the writing suddenly veers into edginess and their [[OC]], [[Kun T'Nyuget]], is also inserted as Night Star's lover.

For those interested in the Sonichu series this is the final "completed" Sonichu comic; the next comic is an incoherent mess that is almost completely uncolored and every issue after that is even less complete (missing many pages). Chris probably will never continue work on the remaining issues, partially due to his [[Chris and work|laziness]] and partially due to his belief in the [[Dimensional Merge]].

==Production notes==
[[File:Sonichu-Planet Dolan.jpeg|thumb|Original cover, for the ''Dolan'' crossover, cover date of 29 [[May 2017]]|200px]]
Chris planned this in May 2017 as a crossover involving [[Planet Dolan]], completing at least the cover and one page; however, the aftermath of the [[DoopieDoOver|Doopie]] saga compelled Chris to cancel writing the story. Chris has claimed that the Planet Dolan arc has already happened in the Sonichu canon, but he never explained what actually did happen, like how the crew got to Planet Dolan in the first place, what happened between them, and whether or not there was conflict.<ref>[[CLog 08142017 - More Positive Content]]</ref>

On 25 August, following [[BronyCon]], Chris posted a new cover of the issue, featuring his [[My Little Pony]]-inspired [[Night Star]] character. Other main characters are Diamond Melody, a character based on [[Jessica Quinn]], and [[Kun T’Nyuget]], [[Idea Guy]]'s character. He also stated that [[My Little Pony]] versions of the Chandler family will be involved in this issue.<ref>[[August 2017 Patreon posts#The Chandlers as ponies]]</ref>

[[File:Sonichu 12-9 book cover.jpg|thumb|150px|left|Final front and back covers.]]
Based on the new cover, Chris seems to have deviated from his usual [[Chris and art|Comic Sans]] font, switching to {{w|Mark Simonson|Proxima Nova}}. He had discussed wanting to [[Chris and money|purchase the font]] on [[Twitter]] after talking with someone he met at BronyCon.

One of the consequences of the Idea Guy saga was that Chris's perception of reality and fantasy had been distorted more than ever. This is reflected in the cover, which originally stated:

{{quote|This is a fan-fiction of My Little Pony. But, also side-canon to "Sonichu". But this story, and this unicorn, doesn't have to remain a fan-fiction; she could become canon. ;)}}

...and was then edited to:

{{quote|From the world of Equestria and My Little Pony. This is not only canon to "Sonichu", but these events all really did happen, period.}}

Chris finished the comic on 20 [[July 2018]]. The back cover is a piece of art Chris commissioned from artist Feather Shine<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1020481886202793984</ref>. For the record, Feather Shine didn't know he would do so but was fine with it upon finding out<ref>https://tweetsave.com/cowokie_pone/status/1020625776868233216</ref>.

This is the first comic to be available print-only. Chris posted 22 pages on [[Patreon]], then put the comic on hiatus to devote more time to the Idea Guy saga. Upon his return to the comic, Chris only posted black-and-white previews of select pages and mailed out the completed book to patrons. This is also the first comic where Chris dropped the episodic formatting done on the previous comics.

==Plot==
{{Protip|This is barely a ''Sonichu'' comic, focusing almost entirely on ponies.}}

The comic is split into four storylines.

===Night Star's backstory===
[[File:Sonichu12-9fanart.jpg|thumb|right|A more accurate interpretation of the ''[[Equestria Girls]]'' segment.]]
[[Night Star]] tells of her origin, born to [[Barb|Missus Sugar Darling]], an Earth mare, and [[Bob|Mister Gallop Crush]], a blue-printed Pegasus. She was born on the same day as [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic!Christian]] and also has "a bit of the [[autism]]" and shares his [[heterochromia]]. She shared thoughts and visions with the young Christopher, looking at him watching ''[[Ghostbusters]]''.

Night Star gains a cutie mark, and goes to school, learning how to hatch a dragon egg. she also perfects her "dimension magic and psychic skills", allowing her to travel to meet the [[Autobots]], [[Sailor Moon]], [[Red Skelton]], and many others. When Chris created [[Sonichu]] on [[Sonichu chronology#2000|14 March 2000]], Night Star soon found [[CWCville]] and produced pony versions of the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]].

Fast-forward to [[Sonichu chronology#2017|1 September 2017]]. Night Star attends Canterlot High School and can transform into a human and teleport. She meets [[Sonichu]] and travels to [[KCWC]] radio station to help [[Jamsta Sonichu]] prepare for a concert.

Returning to Ponyville, Night Star bumps into [[Comic Chris]]. Chris tries to ask out Diamond Melody. Pinkie Pie accidentally sucks herself into an [[S-Chu Ball]].

In the chemistry lab, Sunset Shimmer makes a permanent hair dye.

Night Star explains that Canterlot High is located near {{w|Foggy Bottom|Foggy Bottom, D.C.}}

===Relationship with Diamond Melody===
[[File:Bronycon2019-24.jpg|thumb|left|200px|"Yeah! Vinyl! Drop dat Bass!!!"]]
Night Star then tells of her meeting with Diamond Melody; they argue about whether Spitfire or Rainbow Dash is faster, and true to form, [[Chris and his ego|Night Star wins]]. They share a hot dog (from Tesco, who totally do not make their products out of their own kin). Afterwards, [[Hyperdimension Neptunia|Nepgear]] makes a sudden appearance. The three exuberantly greet each other and decided to go to a [[DJ Pon-3]] concert.

Afterward, Night Star plans to go to Cwcville to visit her mother. Diamond Melody decided to come to Cwcville too, as a date. After getting Diamond accustomed to her human form, Night Star took her girlfriend across Cwcville, bought groceries for pie, and slept at her home. They continue their date, alternating between the human world and the pony world.

Sadly, their relationship would not last long as Diamond Melody would later meet her [[Jessica Quinn|human counterpart]]. Ashamed for being associated with a troll with a fat fetish, she moved away to Las Pegasus, never to see Night Star again. Night Star would mourn for days, with the last panel featuring Applejack and Twilight Sparkle coming to comfort her.

===Relationship with Kun===
[[File:KunT052818.jpg|thumb|left|200px|Lock up your daughters. There's a stud in town.]]
Some times later, we see Discord conversing with Night Star on what to do to [[Financhu Crisis|raise some money for Cwcville]]. Since Night Star is now on talking terms with the CPUs, Discord suggested holding an air race between the Pegasi and the CPUs. Night Star also suggests a footrace between the Earth Ponies and the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon. Content, Night Star would tell Comic Chris of the plan. Comic Chris would appear to add praise for Discord being a good bodyguard.

Weeks later, Night Star would go to the market to get more Zap Apples. While mulling over the state of her human counterpart and Cwcville, an impatient Pegasus colt asked how long the Zap Apple line would last. Night Star was immediately struck by his handsomeness. Coming back to her senses, she introduced herself to the colt. The colt would introduce himself as Kun Hanhphuc (Vietnamese for "Happiness", [[May_2018_social_media_posts#Kun_T.E2.80.99Nyuget|original name]] was retconned).

In a text wall, Kun explained how he got his name and cutie mark and his occupation at Canterlot's Technology Division. After buying their Zap Apple products from Applejack, Night Star would explain her powers and the tech back at Cwcville. Elated, the two would agree to meet at Cwcville to visit their engineering facility. Night Star used her Sonichu speed to return home to have [[Magi-Chan]] make an appointment for a tour of the General Electric Plant.

In their human forms, Night Star and Kun had a swell time in the plant. However, their tour was interrupted by the city's attack from Rei Ryghts, the CPU of Atari and the leader of the Seven Sages. Night Star transformed into her Sonichu form to save the city, leaving Kun behind. However, Kun, concerned about her safety, chased his girlfriend.

In the center of the battle, Rei fought against the Electric Hedgehog Pokemons and CWCville's defense force. With Cwcville's efforts made futile by Rei's defensive abilities, Night Star opened a void portal behind Rei, sucking her in. However, a second void portal opened underneath Night Star, sucking her in with Rei. Kun made it just in time to attempt to save his friend, but due to his human form, he failed. Magi-Chan, being the Deus ex Machina in Sonichu form, saved Kun before he too got sucked in and escorted him back to Canterlot High for him to return home.

Even in her mega-evolved form, Night Star was defeated and captured by Rei Ryghts. Rei would then force Night Star to use her powers to relocate Tari over Cwcville, throwing her overboard afterward. Again, Magi-Chan the Deus ex Machina Sonichu caught her, sending Night Star, who is now in a coma to a hospital. The other CPU goddesses somehow appeared and made short works out of Rei and sent Tari plummeting far from Cwcville.

Over the next three weeks, Kun would stay in Cwcville, studying at the GE and sharing Equestrian technology and visiting his now comatose heartsweet. Soon after, Kun was able to revolutionize cloning and memory restoration. Flash forward to 6 [[January 2018]], Night Star woke from her coma and Kun explained what happened. Kun would then her to his Cwcville apartment and later, back to Night Star's residence at Ponyville. They would live happily ever after since then.

===Cutie Map mission===
[[File:Night star and kun hanhphuc - 9 June 2018.png|thumb|right|200px|The intro to Act 4, as "chronicled" by Chris.]]
The final part takes place after the event of ''{{w|My Little Pony: The Movie (2017 film)|My Little Pony: The Movie}}''.

31 [[May 2018]], Night Star was enjoying a cup of coffee when she received a telepathic message from real-life Chris. In the middle of the psychic conversation, Night Star's cutie mark began to glow, which signified that a mission is on the way. Kun, whose cutie mark was also glowing too, came to Night Star, excited about the upcoming adventure.

Arriving at Kludgetown, Night Star makes a brief reference and promotion of the movie before heading out to a pub to meet [http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Captain_Celaeno Captain Celaeno].

As it turns out, Captain Celaeno has concerns over two of her crews, Pea-Tree and Squaker, who are now unusually distant to each other. When the three head out to Celaeno's ship, they meet up with Pea-Tree and Squaker. It is revealed that the two have conflicting opinions on [http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/The_Storm_King The Storm King], with Pea-Tree remembering him fondly and Squaker knowing of the villain's malicious intents. Now the mission is clear, they need to convince Pea-Tree that The Storm King is evil. However, there is a problem, the Storm King is dead and there are no records of him. Just as the two wonder what to do, [http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Tempest_Shadow#Unicorn Tempest Shadow] suddenly appears.

[[File:TempestShadow.jpg|thumb|left|200px|[[The Incredible Lioness|I am Tempest, hear me roar!]]]]
In exchange for a cut of the Storm King's loot, Tempest offers to provide the direction to his bases and coming with them. Arriving at the island, the three split up to search for damning evidence against him. Night Star found a mysterious ladder and Tempest found something more startling, her missing horn.

As Tempest slammed the drawer, she unknowingly activated a cage trap. Night Star called Kun to avoid it but got herself trapped. With Kun and Tempest being unable to lift the cage, Night Star simply opened a portal, and the three got out of the case.

Back at Celaeno's ship, Night Star and Kun pieced together all the information that the Storm King did indeed deceive Pea-Tree. It was also revealed that the Storm King's soldiers were the ones who found Tempest's broken horn in an Ursa Major's cave but kept it covered up by the order of the Storm King. Satisfied with her long-lost horn, Tempest left the duo. With the task finished, Night Star and Kun told Celaeno, who then ordered Pea-Tree and Squaker to report to her quarters. From the information, Celeano revealed to the two how he plans to bomb her and her crews if they betrayed him and ending with an anti-parrot remark. Shock by this, Pea-Tree took the records to read it for himself.

With the bombshell finally convincing Pea-Tree that the Storm King is indeed evil, he and Squaker finally reconcile. They then hugged each other and performed a [[homos|beak bump]]. Night Star and Kun also shared a kiss in victory. Content that the conflict is finally resolved, Captain Celaeno offered the pony couples to come the pub to celebrate.

The readers are then taken to Night Star's room, where she is working on her comic. While taking a brief stretch, she decided to call real life Chris to help her finish her comic. Chris then proceeded to use his power to come, transforming him into an Alicorn in the process. Chris then states his satisfaction with starting this comic, with Night Star agreeing with her creator. Kun also appeared so he will not be left out, which is ironic when he somehow disappears when Chris and Night Star transform into their Sonichu forms.

In the end, Chris provides possible teasers to [[Sonichu 16|Sonichu <s>14</s> 16]] and dedicates this comic to the wonderful people he met at [[BronyCon]].

==Comic pages==

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<center>{{collapsible
|A page from the abandoned ''Dolan'' crossover plot.
|<gallery perrow="3">
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==See also==
*[[Analysis of Sonichu 12-9]]
*[[Equestrian calendar]]

==References==
<references/>

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]
[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 12-9

2021-04-21T02:45:09Z

Got2Hands:

:''This article is about the ''My Little Pony'' fanfiction comic originally called ''Sonichu'' #13. For the novella dictated to Chris by the Idea Guys, see [[Sonichu 13|''Sonichu'' #13]].''
{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #12-9
| cover = Sonichu 12-9 Cover.jpg
| coverdate = 25 [[August 2017]]
| finishedcomic = 20 [[July 2018]]
| pagecount = 55
| episodes = 1 (split into 4 arcs)
| previous = [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]]
| next = [[Sonichu 13|''Sonichu #13]]
}}
{{Quote|I am an [[art]]ist, but I also [[Hyperdimension Neptunia|traverse dimensions]], and I posess [''sic''] psychic powers. Moreover, I enjoy having fun.|Night Star introduces herself.}}
'''''Sonichu'' #12-9''' (formerly ''Sonichu'' #13) is the 14th issue of the Sonichu comic series. The unusual title is due to Chris's [[superstition]] about the number thirteen.<ref>[[CLog 08142017 - More Positive Content]]</ref> The name ''"Sonichu #13"'' would later be applied to [[Sonichu 13|the next issue]] on August 29, 2019, thus confusing readers into thinking that this issue is a sequel to [[Sonichu 12]].

The plot of this issue was heavily shaped by the [[saga]]s and events in Chris's own life which occurred during the 14 months he worked on the comic - namely, [[BronyCon]] and the [[Doopie]], [[Jessica Quinn]] and [[Idea Guy]] sagas.

Influence from the Idea Guys features heavily in the third act of the comic, as the writing suddenly veers into edginess and their [[OC]], [[Kun T'Nyuget]], is also inserted as Night Star's lover.

For those interested in the Sonichu series this is the final "completed" Sonichu comic; the next comic is an incoherent mess that is almost completely uncolored and every issue after that is even less complete (missing many pages). Chris probably will never continue work on the remaining issues, partially due to his [[Chris and work|laziness]] and partially due to his belief in the [[Dimensional Merge]].

==Production notes==
[[File:Sonichu-Planet Dolan.jpeg|thumb|Original cover, for the ''Dolan'' crossover, cover date of 29 [[May 2017]]|200px]]
Chris planned this in May 2017 as a crossover involving [[Planet Dolan]], completing at least the cover and one page; however, the aftermath of the [[DoopieDoOver|Doopie]] saga compelled Chris to cancel writing the story. Chris has claimed that the Planet Dolan arc has already happened in the Sonichu canon, but he never explained what actually did happen, like how the crew got to Planet Dolan in the first place, what happened between them, and whether or not there was conflict.<ref>[[CLog 08142017 - More Positive Content]]</ref>

On 25 August, following [[BronyCon]], Chris posted a new cover of the issue, featuring his [[My Little Pony]]-inspired [[Night Star]] character. Other main characters are Diamond Melody, a character based on [[Jessica Quinn]], and [[Kun T’Nyuget]], [[Idea Guy]]'s character. He also stated that [[My Little Pony]] versions of the Chandler family will be involved in this issue.<ref>[[August 2017 Patreon posts#The Chandlers as ponies]]</ref>

[[File:Sonichu 12-9 book cover.jpg|thumb|150px|left|Final front and back covers.]]
Based on the new cover, Chris seems to have deviated from his usual [[Chris and art|Comic Sans]] font, switching to {{w|Mark Simonson|Proxima Nova}}. He had discussed wanting to [[Chris and money|purchase the font]] on [[Twitter]] after talking with someone he met at BronyCon.

One of the consequences of the Idea Guy saga was that Chris's perception of reality and fantasy had been distorted more than ever. This is reflected in the cover, which originally stated:

{{quote|This is a fan-fiction of My Little Pony. But, also side-canon to "Sonichu". But this story, and this unicorn, doesn't have to remain a fan-fiction; she could become canon. ;)}}

...and was then edited to:

{{quote|From the world of Equestria and My Little Pony. This is not only canon to "Sonichu", but these events all really did happen, period.}}

Chris finished the comic on 20 [[July 2018]]. The back cover is a piece of art Chris commissioned from artist Feather Shine<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1020481886202793984</ref>. For the record, Feather Shine didn't know he would do so but was fine with it upon finding out<ref>https://tweetsave.com/cowokie_pone/status/1020625776868233216</ref>.

This is the first comic to be available print-only. Chris posted 22 pages on [[Patreon]], then put the comic on hiatus to devote more time to the Idea Guy saga. Upon his return to the comic, Chris only posted black-and-white previews of select pages and mailed out the completed book to patrons. This is also the first comic where Chris dropped the episodic formatting done on the previous comics.

==Plot==
{{Protip|This is barely a ''Sonichu'' comic, focusing almost entirely on ponies.}}

The comic is split into four storylines.

===Night Star's backstory===
[[File:Sonichu12-9fanart.jpg|thumb|right|A more accurate interpretation of the ''[[Equestria Girls]]'' segment.]]
[[Night Star]] tells of her origin, born to [[Barb|Missus Sugar Darling]], an Earth mare, and [[Bob|Mister Gallop Crush]], a blue-printed Pegasus. She was born on the same day as [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic!Christine]] and also has "a bit of the [[autism]]" and shares his [[heterochromia]]. She shared thoughts and visions with the young Christopher, looking at him watching ''[[Ghostbusters]]''.

Night Star gains a cutie mark, and goes to school, learning how to hatch a dragon egg. she also perfects her "dimension magic and psychic skills", allowing her to travel to meet the [[Autobots]], [[Sailor Moon]], [[Red Skelton]], and many others. When Chris created [[Sonichu]] on [[Sonichu chronology#2000|14 March 2000]], Night Star soon found [[CWCville]] and produced pony versions of the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]].

Fast-forward to [[Sonichu chronology#2017|1 September 2017]]. Night Star attends Canterlot High School and can transform into a human and teleport. She meets [[Sonichu]] and travels to [[KCWC]] radio station to help [[Jamsta Sonichu]] prepare for a concert.

Returning to Ponyville, Night Star bumps into [[Comic Chris]]. Chris tries to ask out Diamond Melody. Pinkie Pie accidentally sucks herself into an [[S-Chu Ball]].

In the chemistry lab, Sunset Shimmer makes a permanent hair dye.

Night Star explains that Canterlot High is located near {{w|Foggy Bottom|Foggy Bottom, D.C.}}

===Relationship with Diamond Melody===
[[File:Bronycon2019-24.jpg|thumb|left|200px|"Yeah! Vinyl! Drop dat Bass!!!"]]
Night Star then tells of her meeting with Diamond Melody; they argue about whether Spitfire or Rainbow Dash is faster, and true to form, [[Chris and his ego|Night Star wins]]. They share a hot dog (from Tesco, who totally do not make their products out of their own kin). Afterwards, [[Hyperdimension Neptunia|Nepgear]] makes a sudden appearance. The three exuberantly greet each other and decided to go to a [[DJ Pon-3]] concert.

Afterward, Night Star plans to go to Cwcville to visit her mother. Diamond Melody decided to come to Cwcville too, as a date. After getting Diamond accustomed to her human form, Night Star took her girlfriend across Cwcville, bought groceries for pie, and slept at her home. They continue their date, alternating between the human world and the pony world.

Sadly, their relationship would not last long as Diamond Melody would later meet her [[Jessica Quinn|human counterpart]]. Ashamed for being associated with a troll with a fat fetish, she moved away to Las Pegasus, never to see Night Star again. Night Star would mourn for days, with the last panel featuring Applejack and Twilight Sparkle coming to comfort her.

===Relationship with Kun===
[[File:KunT052818.jpg|thumb|left|200px|Lock up your daughters. There's a stud in town.]]
Some times later, we see Discord conversing with Night Star on what to do to [[Financhu Crisis|raise some money for Cwcville]]. Since Night Star is now on talking terms with the CPUs, Discord suggested holding an air race between the Pegasi and the CPUs. Night Star also suggests a footrace between the Earth Ponies and the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon. Content, Night Star would tell Comic Chris of the plan. Comic Chris would appear to add praise for Discord being a good bodyguard.

Weeks later, Night Star would go to the market to get more Zap Apples. While mulling over the state of her human counterpart and Cwcville, an impatient Pegasus colt asked how long the Zap Apple line would last. Night Star was immediately struck by his handsomeness. Coming back to her senses, she introduced herself to the colt. The colt would introduce himself as Kun Hanhphuc (Vietnamese for "Happiness", [[May_2018_social_media_posts#Kun_T.E2.80.99Nyuget|original name]] was retconned).

In a text wall, Kun explained how he got his name and cutie mark and his occupation at Canterlot's Technology Division. After buying their Zap Apple products from Applejack, Night Star would explain her powers and the tech back at Cwcville. Elated, the two would agree to meet at Cwcville to visit their engineering facility. Night Star used her Sonichu speed to return home to have [[Magi-Chan]] make an appointment for a tour of the General Electric Plant.

In their human forms, Night Star and Kun had a swell time in the plant. However, their tour was interrupted by the city's attack from Rei Ryghts, the CPU of Atari and the leader of the Seven Sages. Night Star transformed into her Sonichu form to save the city, leaving Kun behind. However, Kun, concerned about her safety, chased his girlfriend.

In the center of the battle, Rei fought against the Electric Hedgehog Pokemons and CWCville's defense force. With Cwcville's efforts made futile by Rei's defensive abilities, Night Star opened a void portal behind Rei, sucking her in. However, a second void portal opened underneath Night Star, sucking her in with Rei. Kun made it just in time to attempt to save his friend, but due to his human form, he failed. Magi-Chan, being the Deus ex Machina in Sonichu form, saved Kun before he too got sucked in and escorted him back to Canterlot High for him to return home.

Even in her mega-evolved form, Night Star was defeated and captured by Rei Ryghts. Rei would then force Night Star to use her powers to relocate Tari over Cwcville, throwing her overboard afterward. Again, Magi-Chan the Deus ex Machina Sonichu caught her, sending Night Star, who is now in a coma to a hospital. The other CPU goddesses somehow appeared and made short works out of Rei and sent Tari plummeting far from Cwcville.

Over the next three weeks, Kun would stay in Cwcville, studying at the GE and sharing Equestrian technology and visiting his now comatose heartsweet. Soon after, Kun was able to revolutionize cloning and memory restoration. Flash forward to 6 [[January 2018]], Night Star woke from her coma and Kun explained what happened. Kun would then her to his Cwcville apartment and later, back to Night Star's residence at Ponyville. They would live happily ever after since then.

===Cutie Map mission===
[[File:Night star and kun hanhphuc - 9 June 2018.png|thumb|right|200px|The intro to Act 4, as "chronicled" by Chris.]]
The final part takes place after the event of ''{{w|My Little Pony: The Movie (2017 film)|My Little Pony: The Movie}}''.

31 [[May 2018]], Night Star was enjoying a cup of coffee when she received a telepathic message from real-life Chris. In the middle of the psychic conversation, Night Star's cutie mark began to glow, which signified that a mission is on the way. Kun, whose cutie mark was also glowing too, came to Night Star, excited about the upcoming adventure.

Arriving at Kludgetown, Night Star makes a brief reference and promotion of the movie before heading out to a pub to meet [http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Captain_Celaeno Captain Celaeno].

As it turns out, Captain Celaeno has concerns over two of her crews, Pea-Tree and Squaker, who are now unusually distant to each other. When the three head out to Celaeno's ship, they meet up with Pea-Tree and Squaker. It is revealed that the two have conflicting opinions on [http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/The_Storm_King The Storm King], with Pea-Tree remembering him fondly and Squaker knowing of the villain's malicious intents. Now the mission is clear, they need to convince Pea-Tree that The Storm King is evil. However, there is a problem, the Storm King is dead and there are no records of him. Just as the two wonder what to do, [http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Tempest_Shadow#Unicorn Tempest Shadow] suddenly appears.

[[File:TempestShadow.jpg|thumb|left|200px|[[The Incredible Lioness|I am Tempest, hear me roar!]]]]
In exchange for a cut of the Storm King's loot, Tempest offers to provide the direction to his bases and coming with them. Arriving at the island, the three split up to search for damning evidence against him. Night Star found a mysterious ladder and Tempest found something more startling, her missing horn.

As Tempest slammed the drawer, she unknowingly activated a cage trap. Night Star called Kun to avoid it but got herself trapped. With Kun and Tempest being unable to lift the cage, Night Star simply opened a portal, and the three got out of the case.

Back at Celaeno's ship, Night Star and Kun pieced together all the information that the Storm King did indeed deceive Pea-Tree. It was also revealed that the Storm King's soldiers were the ones who found Tempest's broken horn in an Ursa Major's cave but kept it covered up by the order of the Storm King. Satisfied with her long-lost horn, Tempest left the duo. With the task finished, Night Star and Kun told Celaeno, who then ordered Pea-Tree and Squaker to report to her quarters. From the information, Celeano revealed to the two how he plans to bomb her and her crews if they betrayed him and ending with an anti-parrot remark. Shock by this, Pea-Tree took the records to read it for himself.

With the bombshell finally convincing Pea-Tree that the Storm King is indeed evil, he and Squaker finally reconcile. They then hugged each other and performed a [[homos|beak bump]]. Night Star and Kun also shared a kiss in victory. Content that the conflict is finally resolved, Captain Celaeno offered the pony couples to come the pub to celebrate.

The readers are then taken to Night Star's room, where she is working on her comic. While taking a brief stretch, she decided to call real life Chris to help her finish her comic. Chris then proceeded to use his power to come, transforming him into an Alicorn in the process. Chris then states his satisfaction with starting this comic, with Night Star agreeing with her creator. Kun also appeared so he will not be left out, which is ironic when he somehow disappears when Chris and Night Star transform into their Sonichu forms.

In the end, Chris provides possible teasers to [[Sonichu 16|Sonichu <s>14</s> 16]] and dedicates this comic to the wonderful people he met at [[BronyCon]].

==Comic pages==

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</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|A page from the abandoned ''Dolan'' crossover plot.
|<gallery perrow="3">
File:S13 1.jpeg
</gallery>}}</center>

==See also==
*[[Analysis of Sonichu 12-9]]
*[[Equestrian calendar]]

==References==
<references/>

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]
[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

McDonald's

2021-04-17T05:17:26Z

Got2Hands:

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{quote|Uh, not very often, I'd say like, uh... You know, two or three times a week.|[[Mumble 8|Chris on his frequency of McDonald's visits]]}}

[[Image:B-Manajerk.jpg|thumb|A typical visit to McDonald's in [[CWCville]].]]

'''[[Wikipedia:McDonald's|McDonald's]]''' is [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s favorite [[List of restaurants|restaurant]]. His ideal first [[dating|date]] would take place here.<ref>[[Blanca Emails, September 2008#Future dates with Blanca]]</ref> His favorite items are the eight-piece [[Wikipedia:Chicken McNuggets|Chicken McNuggets]]<ref>[[Sonichu_1_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_2_2]]</ref><ref>[[CWC%27s_Diary#March_2]]</ref> and the $1 sweet tea,<ref>[[Mailbag 28]]</ref> though he has [[Jackie E-mails 2|claimed]] to get salads more often when attempting to get in the good graces of [[gal-pal|female friends]].

Additionally, Chris's preference for McDonald's was symbolic of his conflict with [[Bob Chandler|his dad]], who preferred [[Burger King]].<ref>[[Coffee Place]]</ref><ref>[[DayOut#DayOut3|DayOut]]</ref>

Chris met the real-life [[B-Manajerk]] and his partner, [[Merried Seinor Comic|Merried Seinor Comic]], in a [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] McDonald's in June of [[2005]], an event which would later be dramatized in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]].

==Health issues==
It is probable that Chris's [[PS3|inactive lifestyle]] and frequent patronage of McDonald's is the cause of his [[obesity]]. The number of times Chris claims to eat there, two or three times a week,<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> is equivalent to going an average of 130 times a year. During his [[Father Call|phone call with Kacey and her father]], he claimed to have cut down to one McDonald's trip per week at best, and even that was unquestionably a lie told to impress Mr. Devoria - once a week would still be more than enough to cause health issues, depending on the foods Chris orders. The frequency of his trips to McDonald's were confirmed in [[2015]], when a [[Kiwi Farms]] user gave Chris $500 to see what he would spend with it; the eventual list of purchases made showed that Chris went to McDonald's 10 times in 13 days--and that's not even the only fast food place on the list. At this rate, Chris could probably develop [[Chris and health|serious medical problems]] - heart disease, high blood pressure, and type 2 diabetes are known to result from constant consumption of fast food.<ref>[http://www.livestrong.com/article/351296-health-effects-and-diseases-caused-by-eating-fast-food/]</ref>

The trouble is that Chris [[Chris and reality|doesn't seem to realize]] just how unhealthy fast food actually is. He barely understood that fast food was bad for one's health until roughly the [[Liquid Saga]], when at [[Kacey]]'s behest he made a feeble effort to clean up his act as far as exercise and eating right. This mostly involved eating salads at McDonald's instead of his usual eight-piece box of chicken nuggets.

In a [[Kacey Call 6|display of nutritional ignorance]], he claimed that having grilled chicken with his garbage food was better than having breaded chicken. In all fairness, grilled fast food items are generally less fatty than breaded ones due to not being fried in unhealthy oils. Still, with them being heavily processed fast food items, they shouldn't be eaten in the frequency Chris eats them--and whether or not he strictly or frequently eats grilled fast food is unknown, but probably unlikely. The "side salad" that he [[Kacey Call 12|occasionally mentions]] eating is one of the more inoffensive items on the McDonald's menu, and grilled chicken salads are also not as unhealthy as most of their products. However, these salads are frequently drowned by fat people in cheese and high-calorie dressing. Chris [[Kacey Call 6|claimed]] once (in effort to impress a girl, natch) that he refrains from using dressing, but given that he seems to have a dislike for foods without copious amounts of fat, salt, or sugar, this is almost certainly untrue.

Also, the sugar content of a small McDonald's sweet tea is 21 grams.<ref>[https://www.mcdonalds.com/us/en-us/product/sweet-tea-small.html]</ref> The recommended daily intake of sugar for an adult is about 40 grams.<ref>[http://www.dailysugarintake.net/how-much-sugar-per-day.html]</ref>

With all that said, it is possible to have a meal at McDonald's that at best isn't too unhealthy, and at worst won't do much damage to your diet (this is why publications like ''Eat This, Not That'' exist after all). Nonetheless, you still shouldn't eat fast food on a frequent basis like Chris does, and knowing him, it's also very unlikely he frequently chooses the less-fatty items on their menu.

==In ''Sonichu''==
[[Image:Punchyfeedslayla.jpg|thumb|right|300px|"Have some fistfull fries!"]]
* There is a McDonald's in the [[CWCville Shopping Center]].
* [[Sub-Episodes]] [[Sub-Episode_4#Sub-Episode_4:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22McAttack.22|#4]] and [[Sonichu_4#Sub-Episode_5:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22McAttack_part_2.22|#5]] take place in "the city of M-C-Dville, of the region of [[Mal-Wart]]".
* A McDonald's ripoff, CWCee Dees (pronounced like "Quicky Dee's"), appears in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy]] took [[Layla]] there on their first date.
* In [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], [[Reginald Weavile]] takes [[Layla]] to McDonald's.

==McDonald's Monopoly==
In [[2009]], McDonald's held a [[Wikipedia:McDonald's Monopoly|''Monopoly'']] promotion. Chris claimed to not care about it in [[Brutal Legend Plus|a video]], only to create more accounts later and enter 65 codes from purchased goods, which may seem [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown#Campaign|familiar]] to seasoned CWC watchers.

===Account I (October 6 - October 20)===
52 codes (43 of them from purchased things)

*52. St. Charles Place
*51. Oriental Avenue
*50. Baltic Avenue
*49. Park Place
*48. Marvin Gardens

===Account II (October 21)===
11 codes (10 of them from purchased things)

*11. Park Place
*10. North Carolina Avenue
*9. Illinois Avenue
*8. Community Chest (2)
*7. Oriental Avenue

===Account III (October 22 - October 23)===
7 codes (6 of them from purchased things)

*7. Park Place
*6. Community Chest (3)
*5. Illinois Avenue
*4. New York Avenue
*3. Electric Company

===Account IV (October 23 - October 28)===
8 codes (6 from purchased things)

*8. Reading Railroad
*7. Luxury Tax
*6. North Carolina Avenue
*5. B. & O. Railroad
*4. Pennsylvania Railroad

==McCosplay==
[[File:HAMBURGLAR.jpg|thumb|150px|Chris as the Hamburglar, [[Chris and cosplaying|apparently.]]]]
[[File:Grimace.jpg|thumb|150px|At least it hides his [[Muscle bra|tits]].]]
In the beginning of [[October 2010]], Chris apparently remembered [[Jackie]] telling him that she liked his [[Chris and cosplaying|cosplay]] videos. Following a [[Song for Jackie.MOV|scandalous cosplay video]] over two weeks before, Chris decided to continue his act with McDonald's characters.

His first McDonaldland act was [[100 2265|the Hamburglar]], where he [[CWCFlyingElephants|ran around his room acting batshit crazy]], wearing a BDSM costume that looked far more like an obese [[Soul Calibur|Voldo]] than the Hamburglar.

The next day, Chris attempted to cosplay [[100 2266|Grimace]]. [[Chris and art|Needless to say]], the Grimace costume he made was beyond recognition. Whilst wearing the costume, he delivered a speech about [[autism]] and bullying before breaking out into song. It is likely that Chris got this idea from an episode of ''[[Family Guy]]'' in which [[Wikipedia:Lois Griffin|Lois]] dresses up as [[Wikipedia:The Grimace|The Grimace]] - Peter responds with a comment that Grimace is retarded.

{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:Chris mcdonalds.jpg|Taking up a lot of room.
File:SonichuRosechuAmiibo.jpg|Playing with his toys in public. Note the Sonichu comic facing away from him.
File:Pancakes Facebook photo.jpg|Bringing in marmalade to apply on pancakes.
File:Soysauce on fries.jpg|Chris, putting soy sauce on french fries as a DIY-gender transition method.
</gallery></center>

{{Lists}}
{{Places}}
{{CWCverse}}

==References==
<references />

[[Category:Attraction Locations]]
[[Category:Places]]
[[Category:Things Chris likes]]

Mary Lee Walsh

2021-04-17T02:47:52Z

Got2Hands:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Honest}}
{{Template:DeadLinks}}
{{quote|You're not gonna get a [[Girlfriend]], [[Attraction Sign|this way]] or [[Love Quest|any way]].|Mary, as quoted by Chris.<ref>[[Chris emails 2007]]</ref>}}
{{quote|Enough OLD [[Chris and anger|angst]] against the grey-haired witch-devil, THAT I'VE PUT LONG BEHIND ME...|Chris, lying, in November 2007.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]]</ref>}}
[[Image:Sonichu07-P38.jpg|thumb|Mary Lee Walsh, as she appears in the [[comic]]. Chris draws her tits almost as big as his fans do.]]

'''Mary Lee Walsh''' is a proto-[[troll]] and former dean of student affairs at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. She thwarted [[Chris]]'s [[Love Quest]] in its early years by allegedly ripping up his [[Attraction Sign]]s, and eventually suspending him from PVCC for a whole year. She is one of the most important people in Chris's life, as she is one of the few people who refused to allow Chris to use his [[autism]] as an excuse for anything he wanted and tried to make him act like a normal human being. This, of course, meant war.

The resulting conflict between Chris and Mary Lee affected Chris so profoundly that she became the sole focus of many early ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' [[Sub-Episodes]]. Even to this day, she is still arguably the supreme villain in the ''Sonichu'' series, a status that even [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Liquid Chris]] could never match. As such, she is revered and cherished among trolls for her actions, both in real life and in ''Sonichu'' [[fan]] fiction. All hail the Dean!

By early [[2009]], many years after the college suspension episode, Chris had begun to express a desire for reconciliation with Walsh. He began with the [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retcon]] of the fictional Mary's name to the slightly less defamatory '''Slaweel Ryam''', implying (and later stating outright) that the character was not related to the real Mary. For several months Chris made conciliatory gestures, including sending a drawing to her house, but her only response was a legal summons. Since then, Chris has accepted that Walsh will never be able to [[Chris_and_remorse#Common_traits_of_a_CWC_apology|truly earn his forgiveness]].

Chris' continued feud with Mary Lee Walsh is illustrative of his propensity to hold severe grudges over seemingly minor incidents. In late [[2013]], '''ten years''' after the August 2003 incident, Chris blamed Mary Lee Walsh in part for his continued decline in a series of [[Facebook]] ramblings, and referred to a [[Wal-Mart]] [[manajerk]] who banned him from the store as a "Mary Lee Walshing Witch Bitch".

Walsh slipped Chris' attention until mid-[[2019]], when she retired, which prompted him to tweet wishing her a peaceful retirement until "her time of [[Chris and death|passing]]", as well as offering "constructive criticism" on how she could have better handled her interactions with him. He followed up asking if she had ever made any recorded statement about his apology drawing from 10 years earlier. Two years later, Chris would state that Walsh's comic counterpart had become the mayor of CWCville.

==Mary Lee Walsh in real life==
[[Image:MaryLeeWalshIRLnewsScreenCapture.JPG|thumb|left|Walsh during a TV interview.]]
[[Image:MaryLeeWalsh-IRL.JPG|thumb|right|Contrary to how she is rendered in various media, Mary Lee Walsh is not very voluptuous in person.]]

Walsh was the Dean of Student Affairs at PVCC and a member of the [[Virginia]] Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance.<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20101015023113/http://www.vadv.org/secGetHelp/Directory%20of%20Services/campusprgms_p-z.html] (archived on 15 October 2010)</ref> She has also written a book<ref>http://product.half.ebay.com/The-Freshman-Experience-Creating-College-Success-Piedmont-Virginia-Community-College-by-Mary-L-Walsh-and-Mary-Lee-Walsh-2001-Paperback/2491824&tg=info</ref> about coping with college life, which perhaps unsurprisingly does not advocate attacking one's superiors with magical curses. Chris had first been scolded by her for passing around photocopies of his ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]'' newsletter, but delivered the most crushing blow when Chris was loitering with his usual [[Attraction Sign]]; [[Chris and reality|according to Chris]], Walsh tore down his sign and told him that he would never get a girlfriend this way, or indeed ''at all''. However true this alleged statement may have been, there is virtually no chance Mary said it, as it would have been highly inappropriate and would have jeopardized her job.

It should be noted that judging by her e-mail exchanges with Chris, Walsh was anything but hostile towards Chris; quite the opposite, in fact - Versus Chris's version of events, Walsh was entirely reasonable in her conduct towards Chris and his attraction sign escapades.

Chris, being the narcissist he is, disregarded her warnings to stop posting his signs and continued to place this ad for his "love quest" in the main campus building. Walsh, taking umbrage at this clear defiance of her authority, took Chris to her office to discuss the situation with him. What exactly transpired during the meeting is a source of mass debate, as the only accounts made public are written by Chris and thus heavily biased. What is known is that during the meeting, [[Imaginary friends|Chris pretended to converse out loud with Sonichu]] (relaying what Sonichu "said" to her). Then, after what Chris described as being "talked down...to RUDELY AND HOARSELY," he verbally attacked her in a fit of [[Chris and anger|rage]], going so far as to hex her with the dreaded [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]].<ref>[[Jackie Chat 5|Jackie Chat #5]]</ref> (This event was later dramatized, with plenty of wish fulfillment added, in the short comic "Christian + Sonichu vs. The Mastermind" in ''[[Sonichu 0]]'', which was later remade as "Witch Confront" in ''[[Sonichu 2]]''.) Chris was told in no uncertain terms that he couldn't continue his [[Love Quest]] on campus, prompting him to slander Walsh on his [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|website]] and send her an attempt at an intimidating drawing.<ref>[[Autism papers]]</ref> This little stunt got him banned from PVCC for a whole year, and forced to take anger management classes and get psychiatric help before he was readmitted.<ref name="wikipedia">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Enter_the_Wicked_Witch_of_the_Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens|User:ChrisChanSonichu]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie E-mails#Chris got his degree for Cwcville|Jackie E-mails]]</ref> Any positive effects these may have are not evident.

===In his own words===
{{quotebox|So, as of August, [[2003|Y2K3]], I did [[autism|the most logical, sensible and inexpensive idea I could think of]], I made a simple [[sign]] that stated, "I am a 21-year-old and Single Male Seeking and 18-21-year-old SINGLE [[Gal-pal|FEMALE COMPANION]]", along with a basic description of qualities I felt were best suited, due to the fact that it describe MOST every [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend-Free]], 18-21-year-old Girl. Sadly though, not a single one even gave me a glanced, a momentary pause or even an excuse-making throat clearing to read the sign or give me the time of day. And the few who noticed... That EVIL WITCH OF THE [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PrivateVilla of Corrupted Citizens]], Mary Lee Walsh, a bunch of Non-Blue or [[Niggos|Black]] impersonating [[Jerkop|JERKOPS]], [[Manajerks]] and every other (only a few total) son/daughter of a #@&*.. MOCKED ME AND EVEN CRUMBLED MY EFFORTS AND THREW THEM INTO MY FACE! IT WAS SERIOUS HEART-SHATTERING INSULTS LIKE THAT WHICH LITERALLY SHATTERED MY HEART TO ALMOST NOTHING AND MURDERED MY SOUL! Like as if I didn't already understand that [[Love]] Can't be Hurried; but they ALL left a HUGE IMPRESSION among the general population that having a [[Sweetheart]] was ILLEGAL IN VIRGINIA thus, "[[Virginia is for Virgins|VIRGINIA IS FOR VIRGINS, NOT LOVERS!]]" was what I had thought for a long time with the Dark Forces that were forced into me, bedding with my torturing past with the [[JERKS|jerks]] of the [[Greene County]] School System during the childhood years of my life. Thank [[Chris and religion|God]] for blessing me with many happy years at [[Providence Middle School]] and [[Manchester High School]] in Chesterfield; rounding my feelings and attitude out for today.}}

===Emails with Mary===
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''Sent: Sunday, February 01, 2004 1:22 PM''' 
'''To: mwalsh@pvcc.edu''' 
'''Subject: Hi again...'''

Mary, I've slept on it, and I have realized that note-hanging is not the way to get attention. And I don't really want to meet with either you nor Susan, no offense. I'll tell you what, let's forget the meeting, and if you will allow my newsletter to stay in distribution, I will do all of the following:

-I will never hang notes on the wall again. 
-I'll consider stopping my Silent Treatment on Susan. 
-I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my [[Scale of Respect]] each by 2 points (0=No Respect...10=Respect). 

Please reply via E-Mail.

Christian C.
</div>

{{quoteboxgreen|
'''From: Mary Lee Walsh <mwalsh@pvcc.edu>''' 
'''To: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''Sent: Tue, 3 Feb 2004 8:54 am''' 
'''Subject: RE: Hi again...'''

Christian:
Susan Hannifan and I will be able to meet with you on Monday February 9th in my office at 3:00 p.m. I do not have any time this week that works with all of our schedules, so it will have to be next Monday. I normally send students notice of appointments by mail, but you have asked that I correspond to you through email. It is necessary that this meeting take place, so if Monday is not convenient for you please let me know and we will set a time for Wednesday.}}

'''Email to [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford]]'''

<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''To: Virginia_Sanford@ccpsnet.net''' 
'''Sent: Wed, 21 Feb 2007 3:32:50 PM Eastern Standard Time''' 
'''Subject: Re: Hello'''

Hey, Mrs. Sanford (or should I say Ginny or Virginia), I am delighted to hear from you as well. And It is also good to know that you are still residing at that address. The [[DVD]] is under production, to be completed a few days after February 24, [[2007]] (my 25th Birthday...Yay).

You may be able to help me in a portion of it now; there will be a [[Slideshow]] (projected from my [[PlayStation Portable]]) featuring not only pics of me growing up, but the friends, teachers and relatives I've known and remembered (either from heart, like yourself, as well as yearbook signatures). Anyway, do you remember from the ol' class, Sarah and Micha (the blonde girl with glasses, and the slow-talking [[Niggos|african american]] who Ms. Eckel told over and over [[Hypocrisy|to get his dad to teach him how to shave]])? I remembered both of them from heart, but unfortunately I don't remember their last names, so it's harder to find them in the yearbooks; could you tell me their last names, please?

As for what had happened during PVCC, in a nutshell; about Mid-Summer, 2003, I've realize upon revolation[sic] that I needed a girl friend to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up, so with a sign (which I've later realized that it made me look slow-minded; the "R" Word), I've started my Enduring Love Quest. The Dean of Student Serveces[sic], Mary Lee Walsh came out and tore my sign up right in front of me, and said, "You're not gonna get a Girlfriend this way or any way." That *&^%$ SHATTERED MY HEART AND MURDERED MY SOUL. And it wasn't just her, the Policemen Imposters in Brown, White and Red, AKA The Jerkops (Blue and Black ARE the TRUE POLICE SOLDIERS) also seriously indented the impression that "Virgina is for Virgins, NOT Lovers".

But it has a happy ending; in Mid-[[2005]], when I've started playing the [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] TCG, I met [[Megan Schroeder|this girl]] who upon numerous conversations, art-sharing and secret confidence, I've grown fond of, and my Heart and Soul Recovered from the Serious Emotional and Physical Pain I've endured. Although she's not intrested[sic] in a serious relationship, I still am fond of her, and I'm hoping that she may have a change of heart.

You may learn more about what had happened to me from the Sub-Episodes in my "Sonichu" Comic Book, which I have the legable [''sic''] images uploaded onto my [[CWC's Sonichu Site!]]; those Sub-Episodes are based on my Real-Life Events. *[[sigh]]*

Well, that's about it for now; I hope you do well as well. And I will make that DVD copy for you after I've finalized the master copy. Please tell the remaing[sic] faculty who are still working at Providence that I wish them the best as well. I still remember Mrs. Rogers (my ol' computer teacher) when she played as Woodstock in the [[1990s#1996|1996]] "Snoopy" play; that was just fun and cute. :)

Take care;
Christian Weston Chandler, A.K.A. (nickname) Chris Chan.
</div>

==Mary Lee Walsh in ''Sonichu''==
[[Image:MachPunch.jpg|thumb|Chris, fantasizing that he could punch his old dean in the face as his fursona.]]
[[Image:MaryWantsIt.JPG|thumb|Chris is willing to pick up his markers and make hideous porn of people that he hates.]]

Because of all the [[stress]] Mary Lee Walsh caused, Chris brooded and obsessed over his "HEART SHATTERING" defeat and began to re-invent the entire scenario so that he came out as the victor. As such, Walsh began to appear in a lot of Chris's works as a primary antagonist specifically opposing his [[Love Quest]].

{{quote|After the first encounter with Mary, I put her into my comics from the start as MY personal MAIN Adversary, with her hoard[sic] of Impostor Police People, also known as [[Jerkop]]s, and the Notorious [[Count Graduon]] trapped in the glass orb on the scepter she wields.|Chris, in regards to a comic which isn't meant to be about him}}

In the comics, Walsh appears as a literal witch, complete with a broomstick. In an ingenious [[parody]], she is the leader of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], or PVCC. Her sinister deeds are motivated by a [[Chris and Writing|totally unexplained]] hatred of true love and people who seek it, making her a fitting adversary for the heartsick Chris and the deeply monogamous Sonichu. As the "witch of hearts," Walsh's broader goal is to wage war against love itself, although her only tactic is to send [[Jerkop|jerkops]] into [[CWCville]] to beat up anyone engaging in romance (she needed Graduon's help for the later invasions). For no given reason, she considers Chris the most important target of her malign actions and doesn't seem aware of the fact that true love occurs outside of CWCville as well.

Mary's first appearances in the comics are in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], via a brief preview and several short comic strips that don't formally introduce her; her formal debut in the canon is in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]. Upon her introduction, Chris and Mary are already bitter enemies, yet Chris never explains the exact source of their hostility beyond stating that she once "shattered" his heart and she is inexplicably frustrated by his dogged persistence in searching for love. It is, however, made immediately clear that their feud has become intensely personal; both characters are fully prepared to fight to the death.

In [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] Chris ties together the ancient evil of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] with his own petty grudges by teaming Mary with [[Count Graduon]]. Imprisoned in a magical scepter, Graduon's power is wielded by Walsh for much of the series. Together, Graduon and Walsh represent the dual miseries of his becoming an adult--the trauma of graduating from his beloved [[high school]] and the stress of his disastrous collegiate career. To combat Walsh's powerful new accomplice, in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], Chris gains the powers of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], escalating the original battle between a fat virgin and an old lady to an epic struggle between a horribly drawn Sonic OC and an old lady with a scepter.

During her reign of terror, Walsh threatens the city of CWCville on multiple occasions. In ''Sonichu'' #2, she and Graduon create a golem to stomp the city. Much of the action in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]] involves Chris fending off Walsh's agents, until he and [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] finally storm PVCC and liberate the college from her evil, although Mary simply relocates to [[The High School Story|Menchi-Nasu High]] to establish a new base of operations. In [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]] she floods the town with her army of [[Jerkops]] to stage a coup against Chris and his loyal police force. When this plan begins to collapse, she and Graduon attempt to trap Chris in a [[Dark Mirror Hole]], but are only successful in ensnaring Crystal. When Chris later became stuck in the [[Time Void]] in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], Mary seizes the opportunity and prepares to attack CWCville in her most audacious invasion yet, laying siege with vast armies of [[Decepti-Clones]] in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] and causing untold damage before being defeated by Sonichu. Her evil is finally put to an end in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], when Chris uses the power of the [[Sonichu Balls]] to become [[Collosal Chris-Chan]]. He then destroys Graduon's scepter and easily overpowers her, but instead of killing her (like he killed 100+ innocent people in that very issue) he paralyzes her (seemingly permanently) and sends her to jail.

A consistent theme in Mary's story arc is that she is to blame for almost everything that maligns Chris or CWCville, mirroring Chris's insane belief that the real-life Mary was somehow the singular author of all his misfortunes. Even her conspirators are victims--virtually all of her Jerkops are simply brainwashed against their will, and even co-villain Count Graduon finds her to be selfish and wicked, thinking only of her petty squabbles with Chris and never about helping him get free from his scepter. To labor the point even more, while Chris suggests that some of her followers have good in them and are capable of redemption, Mary herself is pure evil.

===Renaming and retcons===
[[Image:143-MaryLeeWalsh.jpg|thumb|Hslaw Eel Ryam Hctib Hctiw deriah yerg eht liah lla]]

As a result of the [[Miyamoto Saga]], many characters based on real-life figures were renamed. In an act of utmost subtlety, Mary Lee Walsh became "'''Slaweel Ryam'''" or "'''Slaweel the Witch'''". A devious maneuver indeed – as one can see, the name is not ''entirely'' backward, and there are letters missing. Nobody could possibly figure out the connection, unless of course they happened to see the notice posted prominently on the [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|Sonichu.net]] front page detailing the full extent of the name changes. Walsh being one of the primary villains in both the comic and real-life, Chris obviously didn't want to change the name to an entirely unrecognizable form, as that would require originality. The name is an evolution of "'''Hslaw Eel Yram'''", which was Chris's version of MLW in his custom [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] cards; in all likelihood, he had only used the "reverse code" as a means to insult Mary with the card without fear of getting in trouble if someone saw it.

In [[August 2009]], Chris put up a [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=TwoMarys page on CWCipedia entitled "TwoMarys"] in which he tried graspingly to explain the retconning of Mary Lee Walsh's name to Slaweel Ryam. Apparently, the evil Mary Lee Walsh had been Slaweel all along, except Slaweel changed her name from Mary Lee Walsh to Slaweel Ryam later on, while the ''real'' Mary was innocent the whole time. This, of course, makes [[List of Chris's lies|absolutely no sense]] as Chris has changed ''every'' instance of the "evil" Mary's name to Slaweel in the most recent edits of his comics, even during her introduction in ''Sonichu'' #0, where her character is introduced as "Slaweel the Witch" and not Mary Lee Walsh. Chris had essentially created a paradox within his universe, having made a [[:File:Apology_to_Mary_Lee.jpg|comic]] where Slaweel, caught by Chris and the police, apologizes to Mary for ruining her good name, but because of the retcon Slaweel hasn't really had a chance to ruin Mary's name in the first place. Another glaring contradiction is that Slaweel says in the apology comic that she's "sorry for using [Mary's] name in vain and when I constructed P.V.C.Citizens, and made [Mary] look a fool for about six years," but on the [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=TwoMarys "TwoMarys" page], this caption appears below a picture of Slaweel Ryam:

{{quote|This Mary later changed her name to Slaweel Ryam, and she was creating witch brew during night hours and sharing them illegally with the bums outside of the building; she was fired from PVCC '''then went on to build PVCCitizens'''.|Chris, demonstrating his inability to create a cohesive plot.}}

==Mary Lee Walsh in ''Soul Calibur''==
{{main|Soul Calibur}}

It is unclear whether or not Chris ever attempted to physically harm Mary Lee Walsh, but in a video he uploaded to [[YouTube]], Chris lives out his fantasy of beating the daylights out of her. Chris creates himself and many other real-life friends and enemies in the [[video game]] ''Soul Calibur III'', so that he can take out his pent-up [[Virgin with rage|rage]] in the most disturbing, passive-aggressive manner possible. It should be noted that Chris appears to struggle with defeating an AI-controlled Mary Lee Walsh on the easiest possible setting.

==Possible reconciliation==
[[Image:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|thumb|Notice that Chris isn't sorry for the shit he did to warrant her anger, only that he let someone with her name run around. And why bother having two separate Mary Lee Walshes if he made her Slaweel?]]

Beyond his efforts to retcon the fictional Mary, Chris began re-examining Mary's value to society by describing her good works on CWCipedia, to distinguish her from "Slaweel":

{{quote|This Mary replaced the previous one in mid-2000; she has done a good job with her role as Dean of Student Services. She is Currently and To Be Respected with Open Kindness and Prosperity from ALL the Piedmont Virginia Commuinity College Students, Peers and Employees.|Chris, CWCipedia<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=TwoMarys</ref>}}

The article rambles on and drifts alarmingly far from reality, strongly suggesting he used a quick Google search for "research," detailing this Mary's many achievements and services to Piedmont Virginia Community College. However, the whole piece carries an insincere tone, suggesting Chris was compelled to recognize Mary as a [[reality|real person]] as some sort of therapeutic measure. Keep in mind, however, that he doesn't acknowledge that the ''real woman'' he interacted with wasn't a horned-hat wearing witch; simply that this Mary Lee Walsh was replaced (in the ''real world'') by a good duplicate. In a very sad way, Chris seems to find it easier to rewrite reality than his own fantasy world.

Mary was named on the CWCipedia Chris's first "Woman of The (ANY) Month to Respect with Authority and Kindness" for the month of August.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Christian_Says</ref>

In his edited version of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page, he clarifies that he forgave Mary Lee Walsh for her "past misdeeds" (even though Chris himself was entirely at fault in all of their encounters). According to his edits, he also hand-delivered a framed copy of his "apology" to her office, but Mary simply contacted his parents and told them to keep Chris off campus altogether.

From this action, Chris inferred that Mary didn't care about him or their relationship, and Chris was crushed. Also crushed were any hopes of reconciliation, as after this incident Chris soon reverted to precisely the same deranged mindset as before, once again imagining her as somehow orchestrating everything bad that happened to him.

{{quote|Besides which, that b**** "Dean", Mary Lee Walsh, AFTER I personally went over and handed her a Framed Hand-Drawn Apology of my angst against her, SHE SENT ME A TRESPASSING NOTICE! While my family and I did NOT accept it, and sent it back to her, I must say that is one hell of a "Thank You" for going through the trouble and gas usage to Personally Apologize and Make Peace.|Chris, Mailbag 26<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>}}

==Grudge==
[[File:Sept13 Imgur 29.jpg|thumb|right|Voodoo [[LEGO]] Mary. Chris shakes this container and holds it upside down to torment her.]]
[[File:MLW Retirement.jpg|thumb|right|PVCC's 46th commencement ceremony, the last before Mary Lee Walsh's retirement.]]
[[File:MLW_retirement.jpg|thumb|right|An announcement for Walsh's retirement party. It is presumed Chris was not invited.]]
Chris's anger toward Mary Lee Walsh continues well over a decade since his [[Attraction Sign]] was torn down at [[PVCC]]. In a series of rambling [[Facebook]] postings made on 2 [[September 2013]], Chris began blaming various people for a temporary ban from [[Wal-Mart]], including Walsh:

{{quote|If it had not been for [[Michael Snyder|Mr. "Manajerk"]], [[Megan Schroeder]], and their Internet Troll/Cyber-Bully Breeding and Meeting Ground, [[The GAMe PLACe|Cville's Hobbies, Games and Toys]], My Family and I would not have had go through all of the emotionally depressing, and Financial Downfall to the depths of Greatly Poor and Just Getting By!...And that [[Women's Rights|bitch]], Mary Lee Walsh, with a Cold Heart at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] for interfering with my Sweetheart Search, AND Banning me from PVCC!!!|Chris, Facebook, 2 September 2013}}

A few days later, when Chris was conclusively banned from Wal-Mart, he coined the term "Walshing," a verb that evidently means "not accepting autism as an excuse."

{{quote|I have just been intercepted by the "Lady" Manajerk...the bitch has followed the steps of Mr. Snyder now; banned me from the Wal-Mart closest to my own house...She has proven herself to be a cold-hearted, uncaring, uncompassionate, lack-of-understanding, bigoted, discriminating, selfish, Mary Lee Walshing, Witch Bitch!|Chris, Facebook, 6 September 2013}}

On 17 [[December 2014]], [[Apology Letters‎|an apology letter]] that Chris had written to Walsh in [[August 2014]] was leaked. True to form, Chris blames everything on factors supposedly beyond his control, and tries to be condescending and play the victim at the same time. He specifically tries to appease Mary for depicting her in his comic as a witch, operating on the presumption that a university administrator is gravely concerned with the way she is presented in DeviantArt-level Sonic OC garbage drawn by a fat [[Tomgirl|tranny]].

Upon Walsh's retirement, Chris stated that he has left his grudge behind and wished her a nice life, even claiming he didn't recall much about her. However, he immediately followed this up with a passive-aggressive critique of Walsh's conduct, showing he was still upset that she tore the Attraction Sign. He also wanted to know if Walsh had made any statement regarding his 2009 apology, claiming it was added back to his "pile of [[stress]]es".

On 29 July 2020, Chris retweeted a post by an enabler named [[Other enablers#Helena Fiorenza|Helena Fiorenza]], who claimed that the Mary Lee Walsh of the ''Sonichu'' comic had reformed. Chris, in his phase of [[Spirit possession#Sonichu|roleplaying]] as Sonichu, would confirm this.

{{quote|Actually, that is correct; Mary Lee Walsh, there, is on our side now. Very good observation.|<s>Chris</s> "Sonichu" on Twitter.}}

On 6 April 2021, Chris would again bring up Mary Lee Walsh, this time saying that she had succeeded [[Brendan Fraser]] as the mayor of CWCville. <ref>[[April 2021 social media posts#Twilight Sparkle and CWCVille]]</ref>

==[[:Category:Mary_Lee_Walsh|Fan art]]==
[[Image:Mary-lee-Walsh.jpg|thumb|250px|[[Mass debating|For some reason]], Mary has become a frequent subject of pictures like this.]]

In Chris's artwork, Mary Lee Walsh has long gray hair and wears a golden helmet with red horns on it. However, it was much shorter than it later became in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], as shown from shots from behind. In the early days of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page it was inferred that Walsh's helmet was in fact a blonde bob cut, and the horns were growing out of her head like those of a devil. Additionally, once it became clear that Chris was viewing the page it became fashionable to mess with him by drawing Mary (whom he despised) as a sexy cartoon succubus who tempted Chris with her body (which he was sure to [[Mass debating|mass debate]] to). As a result, the most influential depictions of Mary have been "Rule 34" fan art, depicting her as a voluptuous blonde with devil horns (and occasionally a tail), usually wearing (at most) a skimpy purple miniskirt and thigh-high boots. In ''[[Sonichu the Animated Series|Sonichu: The Animated Series]]'', she was depicted as being physically sexy but having unflattering sexual desires (such as shoving the staff containing Count Graduon up her [[china]] to shut him up, and demanding a recording of a minion shoving Chris's medallion up their butt) and speaking with a man's voice.
{{clear}}
{{collapsible
|Gallery; mostly NSFW.
|<gallery>
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Image:184947 - Chris-chan Jerkops ROSECHU Sonichu mary lee walsh.JPG
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Image:37820426 mary lee walsh sonichu.jpg
Image:45422 - Chris-chan Sonichu mary lee walsh.JPG
Image:Cc5.jpg
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Image:Lesath-Walsh.png
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Image:Mary Lee Walsh and her world by Plombard.jpg
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by churippu.JPG
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by judassnogger.JPG
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by The Best Sappho.jpg
Image:Mary Xmas by Scarlet Rose.jpg
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Image:SF page 18 by Plombard.jpg
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Image:Curse those damn trolls by amazing toaster-d30xau7.jpg
Image:Sonichu Finale 2 Page 23 by Plombard.jpg
Image:Sonichu fanart Mary Lee Walsh by baddleebadd.jpg
Image:Sonichu VS Mary Lee Walsh.jpg
Image:SonichusiteMary.jpg
Image:Spazkid mary lee walsh.png
Image:The dean in her heaven by Plombard.png
Image:Mlw_avec_colour.PNG
Image:Lost 2010 Fan Art.jpg
Image:Animu Mary Lee Walsh.jpg
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by ColonelTwisty.jpg
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by greateste.jpg
Image:Mary lee walsh pcneedle.jpg
Image:MaryLeeWalshSonicStyle.jpg
Image:MLWLesbian.png
</gallery>}}

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=TwoMarys}}
{{Fan art}}
*[[Count Graduon]]
*[[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]
*[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]
*[[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Retroactive continuity in ''Sonichu'']]
*[[Attraction Sign]]

==External links==
*[http://zabukawaii.deviantart.com/art/The-origin-of-Slaweel-146885649 Fanfiction: The origin of Slaweel]
*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLCsZpcTSg0 Harry D and the PVCC girls: "Jerkop Bebob"]</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)
*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZyH5Y9SpQY Harry D's Live Drawing.]</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8dAntFOZxg CWC Sketch- MLW Pt 1]

{{Mayors of CWCville}}
{{Sonichu}}
{{People}}
{{Love quest}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Walsh, Mary Lee}}
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Villains]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

Mary Lee Walsh

2021-04-17T02:47:33Z

Got2Hands:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Honest}}
{{Template:DeadLinks}}
{{quote|You're not gonna get a [[Girlfriend]], [[Attraction Sign|this way]] or [[Love Quest|any way]].|Mary, as quoted by Chris.<ref>[[Chris emails 2007]]</ref>}}
{{quote|Enough OLD [[Chris and anger|angst]] against the grey-haired witch-devil, THAT I'VE PUT LONG BEHIND ME...|Chris, lying, in November 2007.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]]</ref>}}
[[Image:Sonichu07-P38.jpg|thumb|Mary Lee Walsh, as she appears in the [[comic]]. Chris draws her tits almost as big as his fans do.]]

'''Mary Lee Walsh''' is a proto-[[troll]] and former dean of student affairs at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. She thwarted [[Chris]]'s [[Love Quest]] in its early years by allegedly ripping up his [[Attraction Sign]]s, and eventually suspending him from PVCC for a whole year. She is one of the most important people in Chris's life, as she is one of the few people who refused to allow Chris to use his [[autism]] as an excuse for anything he wanted and tried to make him act like a normal human being. This, of course, meant war.

The resulting conflict between Chris and Mary Lee affected Chris so profoundly that she became the sole focus of many early ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' [[Sub-Episodes]]. Even to this day, she is still arguably the supreme villain in the ''Sonichu'' series, a status that even [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Liquid Chris]] could never match. As such, she is revered and cherished among trolls for her actions, both in real life and in ''Sonichu'' [[fan]] fiction. All hail the Dean!

By early [[2009]], many years after the college suspension episode, Chris had begun to express a desire for reconciliation with Walsh. He began with the [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retcon]] of the fictional Mary's name to the slightly less defamatory '''Slaweel Ryam''', implying (and later stating outright) that the character was not related to the real Mary. For several months Chris made conciliatory gestures, including sending a drawing to her house, but her only response was a legal summons. Since then, Chris has accepted that Walsh will never be able to [[Chris_and_remorse#Common_traits_of_a_CWC_apology|truly earn his forgiveness]].

Chris' continued feud with Mary Lee Walsh is illustrative of his propensity to hold severe grudges over seemingly minor incidents. In late [[2013]], '''ten years''' after the August 2003 incident, Chris blamed Mary Lee Walsh in part for his continued decline in a series of [[Facebook]] ramblings, and referred to a [[Wal-Mart]] [[manajerk]] who banned him from the store as a "Mary Lee Walshing Witch Bitch".

Walsh slipped Chris' attention until mid-[[2019]], when she retired, which prompted him to tweet wishing her a peaceful retirement until "her time of [[Chris and death|passing]]", as well as offering "constructive criticism" on how she could have better handled her interactions with him. He followed up asking if she had ever made any recorded statement about his apology drawing from 10 years earlier. Two years later, Chris would state that Walsh's comic counterpart had become the mayor of CWCville.

==Mary Lee Walsh in real life==
[[Image:MaryLeeWalshIRLnewsScreenCapture.JPG|thumb|left|Walsh during a TV interview.]]
[[Image:MaryLeeWalsh-IRL.JPG|thumb|right|Contrary to how she is rendered in various media, Mary Lee Walsh is not very voloptuous in person.]]

Walsh was the Dean of Student Affairs at PVCC and a member of the [[Virginia]] Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance.<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20101015023113/http://www.vadv.org/secGetHelp/Directory%20of%20Services/campusprgms_p-z.html] (archived on 15 October 2010)</ref> She has also written a book<ref>http://product.half.ebay.com/The-Freshman-Experience-Creating-College-Success-Piedmont-Virginia-Community-College-by-Mary-L-Walsh-and-Mary-Lee-Walsh-2001-Paperback/2491824&tg=info</ref> about coping with college life, which perhaps unsurprisingly does not advocate attacking one's superiors with magical curses. Chris had first been scolded by her for passing around photocopies of his ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]'' newsletter, but delivered the most crushing blow when Chris was loitering with his usual [[Attraction Sign]]; [[Chris and reality|according to Chris]], Walsh tore down his sign and told him that he would never get a girlfriend this way, or indeed ''at all''. However true this alleged statement may have been, there is virtually no chance Mary said it, as it would have been highly inappropriate and would have jeopardized her job.

It should be noted that judging by her e-mail exchanges with Chris, Walsh was anything but hostile towards Chris; quite the opposite, in fact - Versus Chris's version of events, Walsh was entirely reasonable in her conduct towards Chris and his attraction sign escapades.

Chris, being the narcissist he is, disregarded her warnings to stop posting his signs and continued to place this ad for his "love quest" in the main campus building. Walsh, taking umbrage at this clear defiance of her authority, took Chris to her office to discuss the situation with him. What exactly transpired during the meeting is a source of mass debate, as the only accounts made public are written by Chris and thus heavily biased. What is known is that during the meeting, [[Imaginary friends|Chris pretended to converse out loud with Sonichu]] (relaying what Sonichu "said" to her). Then, after what Chris described as being "talked down...to RUDELY AND HOARSELY," he verbally attacked her in a fit of [[Chris and anger|rage]], going so far as to hex her with the dreaded [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]].<ref>[[Jackie Chat 5|Jackie Chat #5]]</ref> (This event was later dramatized, with plenty of wish fulfillment added, in the short comic "Christian + Sonichu vs. The Mastermind" in ''[[Sonichu 0]]'', which was later remade as "Witch Confront" in ''[[Sonichu 2]]''.) Chris was told in no uncertain terms that he couldn't continue his [[Love Quest]] on campus, prompting him to slander Walsh on his [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|website]] and send her an attempt at an intimidating drawing.<ref>[[Autism papers]]</ref> This little stunt got him banned from PVCC for a whole year, and forced to take anger management classes and get psychiatric help before he was readmitted.<ref name="wikipedia">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Enter_the_Wicked_Witch_of_the_Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens|User:ChrisChanSonichu]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie E-mails#Chris got his degree for Cwcville|Jackie E-mails]]</ref> Any positive effects these may have are not evident.

===In his own words===
{{quotebox|So, as of August, [[2003|Y2K3]], I did [[autism|the most logical, sensible and inexpensive idea I could think of]], I made a simple [[sign]] that stated, "I am a 21-year-old and Single Male Seeking and 18-21-year-old SINGLE [[Gal-pal|FEMALE COMPANION]]", along with a basic description of qualities I felt were best suited, due to the fact that it describe MOST every [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend-Free]], 18-21-year-old Girl. Sadly though, not a single one even gave me a glanced, a momentary pause or even an excuse-making throat clearing to read the sign or give me the time of day. And the few who noticed... That EVIL WITCH OF THE [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PrivateVilla of Corrupted Citizens]], Mary Lee Walsh, a bunch of Non-Blue or [[Niggos|Black]] impersonating [[Jerkop|JERKOPS]], [[Manajerks]] and every other (only a few total) son/daughter of a #@&*.. MOCKED ME AND EVEN CRUMBLED MY EFFORTS AND THREW THEM INTO MY FACE! IT WAS SERIOUS HEART-SHATTERING INSULTS LIKE THAT WHICH LITERALLY SHATTERED MY HEART TO ALMOST NOTHING AND MURDERED MY SOUL! Like as if I didn't already understand that [[Love]] Can't be Hurried; but they ALL left a HUGE IMPRESSION among the general population that having a [[Sweetheart]] was ILLEGAL IN VIRGINIA thus, "[[Virginia is for Virgins|VIRGINIA IS FOR VIRGINS, NOT LOVERS!]]" was what I had thought for a long time with the Dark Forces that were forced into me, bedding with my torturing past with the [[JERKS|jerks]] of the [[Greene County]] School System during the childhood years of my life. Thank [[Chris and religion|God]] for blessing me with many happy years at [[Providence Middle School]] and [[Manchester High School]] in Chesterfield; rounding my feelings and attitude out for today.}}

===Emails with Mary===
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''Sent: Sunday, February 01, 2004 1:22 PM''' 
'''To: mwalsh@pvcc.edu''' 
'''Subject: Hi again...'''

Mary, I've slept on it, and I have realized that note-hanging is not the way to get attention. And I don't really want to meet with either you nor Susan, no offense. I'll tell you what, let's forget the meeting, and if you will allow my newsletter to stay in distribution, I will do all of the following:

-I will never hang notes on the wall again. 
-I'll consider stopping my Silent Treatment on Susan. 
-I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my [[Scale of Respect]] each by 2 points (0=No Respect...10=Respect). 

Please reply via E-Mail.

Christian C.
</div>

{{quoteboxgreen|
'''From: Mary Lee Walsh <mwalsh@pvcc.edu>''' 
'''To: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''Sent: Tue, 3 Feb 2004 8:54 am''' 
'''Subject: RE: Hi again...'''

Christian:
Susan Hannifan and I will be able to meet with you on Monday February 9th in my office at 3:00 p.m. I do not have any time this week that works with all of our schedules, so it will have to be next Monday. I normally send students notice of appointments by mail, but you have asked that I correspond to you through email. It is necessary that this meeting take place, so if Monday is not convenient for you please let me know and we will set a time for Wednesday.}}

'''Email to [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford]]'''

<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''To: Virginia_Sanford@ccpsnet.net''' 
'''Sent: Wed, 21 Feb 2007 3:32:50 PM Eastern Standard Time''' 
'''Subject: Re: Hello'''

Hey, Mrs. Sanford (or should I say Ginny or Virginia), I am delighted to hear from you as well. And It is also good to know that you are still residing at that address. The [[DVD]] is under production, to be completed a few days after February 24, [[2007]] (my 25th Birthday...Yay).

You may be able to help me in a portion of it now; there will be a [[Slideshow]] (projected from my [[PlayStation Portable]]) featuring not only pics of me growing up, but the friends, teachers and relatives I've known and remembered (either from heart, like yourself, as well as yearbook signatures). Anyway, do you remember from the ol' class, Sarah and Micha (the blonde girl with glasses, and the slow-talking [[Niggos|african american]] who Ms. Eckel told over and over [[Hypocrisy|to get his dad to teach him how to shave]])? I remembered both of them from heart, but unfortunately I don't remember their last names, so it's harder to find them in the yearbooks; could you tell me their last names, please?

As for what had happened during PVCC, in a nutshell; about Mid-Summer, 2003, I've realize upon revolation[sic] that I needed a girl friend to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up, so with a sign (which I've later realized that it made me look slow-minded; the "R" Word), I've started my Enduring Love Quest. The Dean of Student Serveces[sic], Mary Lee Walsh came out and tore my sign up right in front of me, and said, "You're not gonna get a Girlfriend this way or any way." That *&^%$ SHATTERED MY HEART AND MURDERED MY SOUL. And it wasn't just her, the Policemen Imposters in Brown, White and Red, AKA The Jerkops (Blue and Black ARE the TRUE POLICE SOLDIERS) also seriously indented the impression that "Virgina is for Virgins, NOT Lovers".

But it has a happy ending; in Mid-[[2005]], when I've started playing the [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] TCG, I met [[Megan Schroeder|this girl]] who upon numerous conversations, art-sharing and secret confidence, I've grown fond of, and my Heart and Soul Recovered from the Serious Emotional and Physical Pain I've endured. Although she's not intrested[sic] in a serious relationship, I still am fond of her, and I'm hoping that she may have a change of heart.

You may learn more about what had happened to me from the Sub-Episodes in my "Sonichu" Comic Book, which I have the legable [''sic''] images uploaded onto my [[CWC's Sonichu Site!]]; those Sub-Episodes are based on my Real-Life Events. *[[sigh]]*

Well, that's about it for now; I hope you do well as well. And I will make that DVD copy for you after I've finalized the master copy. Please tell the remaing[sic] faculty who are still working at Providence that I wish them the best as well. I still remember Mrs. Rogers (my ol' computer teacher) when she played as Woodstock in the [[1990s#1996|1996]] "Snoopy" play; that was just fun and cute. :)

Take care;
Christian Weston Chandler, A.K.A. (nickname) Chris Chan.
</div>

==Mary Lee Walsh in ''Sonichu''==
[[Image:MachPunch.jpg|thumb|Chris, fantasizing that he could punch his old dean in the face as his fursona.]]
[[Image:MaryWantsIt.JPG|thumb|Chris is willing to pick up his markers and make hideous porn of people that he hates.]]

Because of all the [[stress]] Mary Lee Walsh caused, Chris brooded and obsessed over his "HEART SHATTERING" defeat and began to re-invent the entire scenario so that he came out as the victor. As such, Walsh began to appear in a lot of Chris's works as a primary antagonist specifically opposing his [[Love Quest]].

{{quote|After the first encounter with Mary, I put her into my comics from the start as MY personal MAIN Adversary, with her hoard[sic] of Impostor Police People, also known as [[Jerkop]]s, and the Notorious [[Count Graduon]] trapped in the glass orb on the scepter she wields.|Chris, in regards to a comic which isn't meant to be about him}}

In the comics, Walsh appears as a literal witch, complete with a broomstick. In an ingenious [[parody]], she is the leader of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], or PVCC. Her sinister deeds are motivated by a [[Chris and Writing|totally unexplained]] hatred of true love and people who seek it, making her a fitting adversary for the heartsick Chris and the deeply monogamous Sonichu. As the "witch of hearts," Walsh's broader goal is to wage war against love itself, although her only tactic is to send [[Jerkop|jerkops]] into [[CWCville]] to beat up anyone engaging in romance (she needed Graduon's help for the later invasions). For no given reason, she considers Chris the most important target of her malign actions and doesn't seem aware of the fact that true love occurs outside of CWCville as well.

Mary's first appearances in the comics are in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], via a brief preview and several short comic strips that don't formally introduce her; her formal debut in the canon is in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]. Upon her introduction, Chris and Mary are already bitter enemies, yet Chris never explains the exact source of their hostility beyond stating that she once "shattered" his heart and she is inexplicably frustrated by his dogged persistence in searching for love. It is, however, made immediately clear that their feud has become intensely personal; both characters are fully prepared to fight to the death.

In [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] Chris ties together the ancient evil of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] with his own petty grudges by teaming Mary with [[Count Graduon]]. Imprisoned in a magical scepter, Graduon's power is wielded by Walsh for much of the series. Together, Graduon and Walsh represent the dual miseries of his becoming an adult--the trauma of graduating from his beloved [[high school]] and the stress of his disastrous collegiate career. To combat Walsh's powerful new accomplice, in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], Chris gains the powers of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], escalating the original battle between a fat virgin and an old lady to an epic struggle between a horribly drawn Sonic OC and an old lady with a scepter.

During her reign of terror, Walsh threatens the city of CWCville on multiple occasions. In ''Sonichu'' #2, she and Graduon create a golem to stomp the city. Much of the action in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]] involves Chris fending off Walsh's agents, until he and [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] finally storm PVCC and liberate the college from her evil, although Mary simply relocates to [[The High School Story|Menchi-Nasu High]] to establish a new base of operations. In [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]] she floods the town with her army of [[Jerkops]] to stage a coup against Chris and his loyal police force. When this plan begins to collapse, she and Graduon attempt to trap Chris in a [[Dark Mirror Hole]], but are only successful in ensnaring Crystal. When Chris later became stuck in the [[Time Void]] in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], Mary seizes the opportunity and prepares to attack CWCville in her most audacious invasion yet, laying siege with vast armies of [[Decepti-Clones]] in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] and causing untold damage before being defeated by Sonichu. Her evil is finally put to an end in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], when Chris uses the power of the [[Sonichu Balls]] to become [[Collosal Chris-Chan]]. He then destroys Graduon's scepter and easily overpowers her, but instead of killing her (like he killed 100+ innocent people in that very issue) he paralyzes her (seemingly permanently) and sends her to jail.

A consistent theme in Mary's story arc is that she is to blame for almost everything that maligns Chris or CWCville, mirroring Chris's insane belief that the real-life Mary was somehow the singular author of all his misfortunes. Even her conspirators are victims--virtually all of her Jerkops are simply brainwashed against their will, and even co-villain Count Graduon finds her to be selfish and wicked, thinking only of her petty squabbles with Chris and never about helping him get free from his scepter. To labor the point even more, while Chris suggests that some of her followers have good in them and are capable of redemption, Mary herself is pure evil.

===Renaming and retcons===
[[Image:143-MaryLeeWalsh.jpg|thumb|Hslaw Eel Ryam Hctib Hctiw deriah yerg eht liah lla]]

As a result of the [[Miyamoto Saga]], many characters based on real-life figures were renamed. In an act of utmost subtlety, Mary Lee Walsh became "'''Slaweel Ryam'''" or "'''Slaweel the Witch'''". A devious maneuver indeed – as one can see, the name is not ''entirely'' backward, and there are letters missing. Nobody could possibly figure out the connection, unless of course they happened to see the notice posted prominently on the [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|Sonichu.net]] front page detailing the full extent of the name changes. Walsh being one of the primary villains in both the comic and real-life, Chris obviously didn't want to change the name to an entirely unrecognizable form, as that would require originality. The name is an evolution of "'''Hslaw Eel Yram'''", which was Chris's version of MLW in his custom [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] cards; in all likelihood, he had only used the "reverse code" as a means to insult Mary with the card without fear of getting in trouble if someone saw it.

In [[August 2009]], Chris put up a [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=TwoMarys page on CWCipedia entitled "TwoMarys"] in which he tried graspingly to explain the retconning of Mary Lee Walsh's name to Slaweel Ryam. Apparently, the evil Mary Lee Walsh had been Slaweel all along, except Slaweel changed her name from Mary Lee Walsh to Slaweel Ryam later on, while the ''real'' Mary was innocent the whole time. This, of course, makes [[List of Chris's lies|absolutely no sense]] as Chris has changed ''every'' instance of the "evil" Mary's name to Slaweel in the most recent edits of his comics, even during her introduction in ''Sonichu'' #0, where her character is introduced as "Slaweel the Witch" and not Mary Lee Walsh. Chris had essentially created a paradox within his universe, having made a [[:File:Apology_to_Mary_Lee.jpg|comic]] where Slaweel, caught by Chris and the police, apologizes to Mary for ruining her good name, but because of the retcon Slaweel hasn't really had a chance to ruin Mary's name in the first place. Another glaring contradiction is that Slaweel says in the apology comic that she's "sorry for using [Mary's] name in vain and when I constructed P.V.C.Citizens, and made [Mary] look a fool for about six years," but on the [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=TwoMarys "TwoMarys" page], this caption appears below a picture of Slaweel Ryam:

{{quote|This Mary later changed her name to Slaweel Ryam, and she was creating witch brew during night hours and sharing them illegally with the bums outside of the building; she was fired from PVCC '''then went on to build PVCCitizens'''.|Chris, demonstrating his inability to create a cohesive plot.}}

==Mary Lee Walsh in ''Soul Calibur''==
{{main|Soul Calibur}}

It is unclear whether or not Chris ever attempted to physically harm Mary Lee Walsh, but in a video he uploaded to [[YouTube]], Chris lives out his fantasy of beating the daylights out of her. Chris creates himself and many other real-life friends and enemies in the [[video game]] ''Soul Calibur III'', so that he can take out his pent-up [[Virgin with rage|rage]] in the most disturbing, passive-aggressive manner possible. It should be noted that Chris appears to struggle with defeating an AI-controlled Mary Lee Walsh on the easiest possible setting.

==Possible reconciliation==
[[Image:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|thumb|Notice that Chris isn't sorry for the shit he did to warrant her anger, only that he let someone with her name run around. And why bother having two separate Mary Lee Walshes if he made her Slaweel?]]

Beyond his efforts to retcon the fictional Mary, Chris began re-examining Mary's value to society by describing her good works on CWCipedia, to distinguish her from "Slaweel":

{{quote|This Mary replaced the previous one in mid-2000; she has done a good job with her role as Dean of Student Services. She is Currently and To Be Respected with Open Kindness and Prosperity from ALL the Piedmont Virginia Commuinity College Students, Peers and Employees.|Chris, CWCipedia<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=TwoMarys</ref>}}

The article rambles on and drifts alarmingly far from reality, strongly suggesting he used a quick Google search for "research," detailing this Mary's many achievements and services to Piedmont Virginia Community College. However, the whole piece carries an insincere tone, suggesting Chris was compelled to recognize Mary as a [[reality|real person]] as some sort of therapeutic measure. Keep in mind, however, that he doesn't acknowledge that the ''real woman'' he interacted with wasn't a horned-hat wearing witch; simply that this Mary Lee Walsh was replaced (in the ''real world'') by a good duplicate. In a very sad way, Chris seems to find it easier to rewrite reality than his own fantasy world.

Mary was named on the CWCipedia Chris's first "Woman of The (ANY) Month to Respect with Authority and Kindness" for the month of August.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Christian_Says</ref>

In his edited version of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page, he clarifies that he forgave Mary Lee Walsh for her "past misdeeds" (even though Chris himself was entirely at fault in all of their encounters). According to his edits, he also hand-delivered a framed copy of his "apology" to her office, but Mary simply contacted his parents and told them to keep Chris off campus altogether.

From this action, Chris inferred that Mary didn't care about him or their relationship, and Chris was crushed. Also crushed were any hopes of reconciliation, as after this incident Chris soon reverted to precisely the same deranged mindset as before, once again imagining her as somehow orchestrating everything bad that happened to him.

{{quote|Besides which, that b**** "Dean", Mary Lee Walsh, AFTER I personally went over and handed her a Framed Hand-Drawn Apology of my angst against her, SHE SENT ME A TRESPASSING NOTICE! While my family and I did NOT accept it, and sent it back to her, I must say that is one hell of a "Thank You" for going through the trouble and gas usage to Personally Apologize and Make Peace.|Chris, Mailbag 26<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>}}

==Grudge==
[[File:Sept13 Imgur 29.jpg|thumb|right|Voodoo [[LEGO]] Mary. Chris shakes this container and holds it upside down to torment her.]]
[[File:MLW Retirement.jpg|thumb|right|PVCC's 46th commencement ceremony, the last before Mary Lee Walsh's retirement.]]
[[File:MLW_retirement.jpg|thumb|right|An announcement for Walsh's retirement party. It is presumed Chris was not invited.]]
Chris's anger toward Mary Lee Walsh continues well over a decade since his [[Attraction Sign]] was torn down at [[PVCC]]. In a series of rambling [[Facebook]] postings made on 2 [[September 2013]], Chris began blaming various people for a temporary ban from [[Wal-Mart]], including Walsh:

{{quote|If it had not been for [[Michael Snyder|Mr. "Manajerk"]], [[Megan Schroeder]], and their Internet Troll/Cyber-Bully Breeding and Meeting Ground, [[The GAMe PLACe|Cville's Hobbies, Games and Toys]], My Family and I would not have had go through all of the emotionally depressing, and Financial Downfall to the depths of Greatly Poor and Just Getting By!...And that [[Women's Rights|bitch]], Mary Lee Walsh, with a Cold Heart at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] for interfering with my Sweetheart Search, AND Banning me from PVCC!!!|Chris, Facebook, 2 September 2013}}

A few days later, when Chris was conclusively banned from Wal-Mart, he coined the term "Walshing," a verb that evidently means "not accepting autism as an excuse."

{{quote|I have just been intercepted by the "Lady" Manajerk...the bitch has followed the steps of Mr. Snyder now; banned me from the Wal-Mart closest to my own house...She has proven herself to be a cold-hearted, uncaring, uncompassionate, lack-of-understanding, bigoted, discriminating, selfish, Mary Lee Walshing, Witch Bitch!|Chris, Facebook, 6 September 2013}}

On 17 [[December 2014]], [[Apology Letters‎|an apology letter]] that Chris had written to Walsh in [[August 2014]] was leaked. True to form, Chris blames everything on factors supposedly beyond his control, and tries to be condescending and play the victim at the same time. He specifically tries to appease Mary for depicting her in his comic as a witch, operating on the presumption that a university administrator is gravely concerned with the way she is presented in DeviantArt-level Sonic OC garbage drawn by a fat [[Tomgirl|tranny]].

Upon Walsh's retirement, Chris stated that he has left his grudge behind and wished her a nice life, even claiming he didn't recall much about her. However, he immediately followed this up with a passive-aggressive critique of Walsh's conduct, showing he was still upset that she tore the Attraction Sign. He also wanted to know if Walsh had made any statement regarding his 2009 apology, claiming it was added back to his "pile of [[stress]]es".

On 29 July 2020, Chris retweeted a post by an enabler named [[Other enablers#Helena Fiorenza|Helena Fiorenza]], who claimed that the Mary Lee Walsh of the ''Sonichu'' comic had reformed. Chris, in his phase of [[Spirit possession#Sonichu|roleplaying]] as Sonichu, would confirm this.

{{quote|Actually, that is correct; Mary Lee Walsh, there, is on our side now. Very good observation.|<s>Chris</s> "Sonichu" on Twitter.}}

On 6 April 2021, Chris would again bring up Mary Lee Walsh, this time saying that she had succeeded [[Brendan Fraser]] as the mayor of CWCville. <ref>[[April 2021 social media posts#Twilight Sparkle and CWCVille]]</ref>

==[[:Category:Mary_Lee_Walsh|Fan art]]==
[[Image:Mary-lee-Walsh.jpg|thumb|250px|[[Mass debating|For some reason]], Mary has become a frequent subject of pictures like this.]]

In Chris's artwork, Mary Lee Walsh has long gray hair and wears a golden helmet with red horns on it. However, it was much shorter than it later became in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], as shown from shots from behind. In the early days of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page it was inferred that Walsh's helmet was in fact a blonde bob cut, and the horns were growing out of her head like those of a devil. Additionally, once it became clear that Chris was viewing the page it became fashionable to mess with him by drawing Mary (whom he despised) as a sexy cartoon succubus who tempted Chris with her body (which he was sure to [[Mass debating|mass debate]] to). As a result, the most influential depictions of Mary have been "Rule 34" fan art, depicting her as a voluptuous blonde with devil horns (and occasionally a tail), usually wearing (at most) a skimpy purple miniskirt and thigh-high boots. In ''[[Sonichu the Animated Series|Sonichu: The Animated Series]]'', she was depicted as being physically sexy but having unflattering sexual desires (such as shoving the staff containing Count Graduon up her [[china]] to shut him up, and demanding a recording of a minion shoving Chris's medallion up their butt) and speaking with a man's voice.
{{clear}}
{{collapsible
|Gallery; mostly NSFW.
|<gallery>
Image:126473378631.JPG
Image:12670593995.JPG
Image:127128115082.jpg
Image:184947 - Chris-chan Jerkops ROSECHU Sonichu mary lee walsh.JPG
Image:204421 - Chris-chan Sonichu mary lee walsh.jpg
Image:37820426 mary lee walsh sonichu.jpg
Image:45422 - Chris-chan Sonichu mary lee walsh.JPG
Image:Cc5.jpg
Image:E6224fea4f4247159177c5f48e077b17.jpg
Image:Lesath-Walsh.png
Image:Makeitup.png
Image:Mary Lee Walsh and her world by Plombard.jpg
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by churippu.JPG
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by judassnogger.JPG
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by The Best Sappho.jpg
Image:Mary Xmas by Scarlet Rose.jpg
Image:Maryleewalsh.jpg
Image:Mlw.png
Image:MLW attacks by Plombard.jpg
Image:MLWsis.png
Image:Mlwsonichu34.png
Image:Mlwsonichu342.png
Image:SF page 18 by Plombard.jpg
Image:Sonichu by Plombard.jpg
Image:Curse those damn trolls by amazing toaster-d30xau7.jpg
Image:Sonichu Finale 2 Page 23 by Plombard.jpg
Image:Sonichu fanart Mary Lee Walsh by baddleebadd.jpg
Image:Sonichu VS Mary Lee Walsh.jpg
Image:SonichusiteMary.jpg
Image:Spazkid mary lee walsh.png
Image:The dean in her heaven by Plombard.png
Image:Mlw_avec_colour.PNG
Image:Lost 2010 Fan Art.jpg
Image:Animu Mary Lee Walsh.jpg
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by ColonelTwisty.jpg
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by greateste.jpg
Image:Mary lee walsh pcneedle.jpg
Image:MaryLeeWalshSonicStyle.jpg
Image:MLWLesbian.png
</gallery>}}

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=TwoMarys}}
{{Fan art}}
*[[Count Graduon]]
*[[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]
*[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]
*[[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Retroactive continuity in ''Sonichu'']]
*[[Attraction Sign]]

==External links==
*[http://zabukawaii.deviantart.com/art/The-origin-of-Slaweel-146885649 Fanfiction: The origin of Slaweel]
*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLCsZpcTSg0 Harry D and the PVCC girls: "Jerkop Bebob"]</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)
*<s>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZyH5Y9SpQY Harry D's Live Drawing.]</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8dAntFOZxg CWC Sketch- MLW Pt 1]

{{Mayors of CWCville}}
{{Sonichu}}
{{People}}
{{Love quest}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Walsh, Mary Lee}}
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Villains]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia

2021-04-14T01:01:34Z

Got2Hands:

{{Articleofthenow}}
'''Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia''' was a troll forum established in late [[April 2011]] and shut down later that year.<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20111028013842/http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/] (Archive from 28 Oct 2011)</ref> [[Chris]] was directed to the site and joined on 26 May 2011, posting under the alias "Kookydashy". This resulted in several stories of his exploits as a tomgirl that, to say the least, made the effort of tracking him down more than worth it. It is believed by many Christorians that the exploits that Chris had in this forum culminated in a domino effect that led to him going from experimenting with crossdressing to becoming [[transgender]].

Chris revealed that he had come out to his parents, only to receive insults from them. [[Barb]], in particular, has kept complaining about his new attire, and [[Bob]], according to Chris, "threw the damned fag card" at him. Chris also recounts a story in which he went to the lady's restroom because he "started feeling discomfort in using the Men's restroom." Despite a [[jerkop]] who caught him and yelled at him, Chris proceeded to ignore him and is presumably using the ladies' room to this day.

Later posts Chris made excessive mention of being trolled online, at which point it became obvious that KookyDashy was Chris. According to Chris, socializing online makes people more [[autistic]], and people should socialize offline. The irony of posting this on an online social forum was apparently lost. Chris also became paranoid of being trolled even on these forums, leading him to accuse a tomboy looking for a tomgirl of being a troll. For a month, Chris didn't post at the forums.

After that month, [[Thorg]] discovered the Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia forum, and made an article about it on the [[CWCki]]. Chris noticed this quickly, and alerted his fellow tomboys and tomgirls a day later. Naturally, this also entailed him admitting that he is Christian Weston Chandler. Chris complained about the trolls, and said that he is not a bad person, despite what the CWCki said. The other posters promised to help Chris defeat the trolls. The forums became defunct shortly afterwards. Chris's last communique was on 28 July. Below are his posts, 23 in all, with white representing Chris's posts and red representing those by his gender-bending peers. Not all dates have been preserved.
[[File:Tbtgva.png|thumb|right|400px|Screencap of the forum index page.]]

== Profile ==
[[Image:ponyboy.jpg|thumb|Chris's profile pic. [[My Little Pony|KookyDashy]]: Interests include [[Plush Breasts of Fail|breasts]], [[China|pussy]], and [[Autism Awareness E-mails|autism awareness]].]]
Username: KookyDashy

Location: [[Charlottesville]], Virginia

Age: 29

Interests: music, makeup, clothes, video games, sing-a-longs/karaoke, pussy, breasts, sweet-personality, friendly girlfriends. :) Protecting against cyber-bullies, and autism awareness. Also be sure to feel your boobies for breast cancer awareness.

Signature: Have a Good Day and Stay Safe, KookyDashy.

== Posts ==
===Re: Introductions!===
In which Chris provides everything about his identity bar his name.

{{quotebox|Sun May 29, 2011 4:56 am
Hello, fellow tomgirls. :)

Y'all may address me by my screen name in the board talk. I like [[Chris and Music|music]], [[Kaka Makeup Basics|makeup]], [[Chris and Fashion|dressin' up]] in my mini, [[Mass Debating|havin' fun]] 'n hangin' with my [[Gal-pals|girlfriend]]s, [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|karaoke]], [[video games]], crafting and [[art]].

I am also [[Chris and remorse|empathetic]], so [[Autism|I can understand others people's feelings]], as well as my own. I am a dynamic, complex individual.

I do not have many [[jerks|dude pals]], because I have my own mental hang-ups against the majority of them; Nothing Personal. I have a history of being bullied by some mean brutes, as well as [[homos|homosexuals]], over the [[internet]]. Cyber-Bullies/[[Trolls]]/Anons are a hot button with me. I prefer not to discuss that issue further.

And I am an all-around good, [[death threats|friendly]], [[List of Chris's lies|honest]], [[Vibrator|heterosexual]] tomgirl.

Thank you all for offering me respect, as I respect each of you and your opinions on the board.<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20110722211237/http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=2&p=157] (Archive from 22 July 2011)</ref>}}

===Re: Coming out to my parents===
In this thread, Chris opened up about his parents' feelings in regards to his newfound wardrobe.

{{quotebox|Sun May 29, 2011 5:12 am
Y'all are singin' my song; my [[Barb|mom]] and [[Bob|dad]] were shocked bad when I told them I was a tomgirl. Soo Literally old-fasioned (they're both [[Chris and English|seinors]]). My mom said "I didn't raise a daughter", and my father threw the damned "fag" card at me.

[[Dick_Licker;_that_is_I|I will Always be Straight,]] Mom and Dad; give me some faith and trust.

What a world with outside influances to put great paranoia in our families.

Also, try looking up "tomgirl" on [[Wikipedia]]; it redirects to "effeminancy". While effeminancy is true for us, I feel the contents of that page is against us, due to it addressing the [[homos]].

Someone needs to undo the redirects, edit the grammer errors in "tomgirl"`s original edit, and add a ton more detail to it.<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20110722211307/http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=3&p=160] (Archive from 22 July 2011)</ref>}}

{{quotebox|Wed Jun 01, 2011 3:37 am
My mom is still giving me complaints and nit-picks about me wearing my feminine attire. I wish I could just up and move out and not have to deal with my family; I don't know too many other people here in C-Ville, and those I do know I'm only acquainted with or know little about them for only a few weeks.

Plus finding employment is hard. I got a [[CADD|fancy computer degree]] from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|community college]], and there have been very slim pickings from it. Already Taken; Quota's Filled; yada, yada, yada.

Plus also, she keeps throwing disbelief towards us by stating "Tomgirls aren't real"; SHE'S a Tomboy; what a bunch of 1940's old-fashioned crap. Plus she watches too much current news, and she is soo paranoid and shit.

I wish I could afford to move out, but I can't afford it [[monthly tugboat|financially]], [[Autism|mentally]] and [[stress|emotionally]]. Fucking [[Chris and anger|pisses me off.]]<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=3&start=20] (Archive from 22 July 2011)</ref>}}

===Re: Girly Things Tee Hee===
Chris relates a story about women feeling justifiably uncomfortable with a leering, beskirted moron invading their restroom.

{{quotebox|Sun May 29, 2011 5:30 am
After I realized my tomgirly ways, and starting dressing up in my skirts, I started feeling discomfort in using the Men's restroom. I asked my closest [[gal pal]] if it would be going too far in using the Ladies' room; she told me to go with my feelings. My next skirted outting, I used the ladies' room, and I squatted, holding my [[duck|arrow]] down over the john (so I would be less likely to soil my skirt); it felt good and Right. Days later, though, after 4 more lady trips; a woman complains and tattles on me, and a stereotypical [[jerk|Brute male]] shouts me out. I felt embarassed. When in skirt, I am still gonna go to the Ladies, because there is no goin' back for me.

[[Rape|Heck, I would not hold it against a tomboy who felt more comfort in using the Men's room over the Ladies']].

As truest Tomgirls, we do respect greatly the women as equals. I would never look or anything of the sort.

Open for your thoughts.<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20110722211350/http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=20&p=162#p162] (Archive from 22 July 2011)</ref>}}

{{quotebox|Wed Jun 01, 2011 3:42 am
I've recently got into the original Squinkies, they are so cute and cool. And their gumball-machine dispensing playsets are neat. I like the cupcake-shaped one. And they're also coming out with Squinkie cars for [[Hot Wheels]] and Cars 2; little Squinkie people now have cool wheels to drive.<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20110722211412/http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=20&start=10] (Archive from 22 July 2011)</ref>}}

{{quotebox|Sun Jun 12, 2011 4:24 am
Something else girly I enjoy danglin' around where I go is my ankle bracelet. It's a silver chain with sections of 4 silver beads, and I've added three stars on chains onto the hook. I never take it off, because it is an awesome and cute jewelry, plus it is difficult to put it back on. LOL

I also am enjoying the "Mighty Milky Way" DSiWare game on my [[Nintendo|3DS]]. Luna is a cute, sexy gal, and the method of guiding her from planet to planet is neat.

Anyone else on here with a 3DS may add me onto y'all's Friend List with my code, 2836-0121-9073. Please P.M. me with your 3DS F.C. in response if y'all add me.<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20110722211448/http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=20&p=382#p382] (Archive from 22 July 2011)</ref>}}

===Re: Homosexuals===
[[Image:TG20.jpg|thumb|Hear that, homos? Chris is offended by your flamboyance!]]
Chris's well-established sentiments about gay men bubble to the surface.
{{quotebox|I do not care much for the [[homosexual]] males either. I mean, I really feel offended when they get soo flamboyant with their ways and such, it's like they're shoving it in your face. Plus, most of the Cyber-Bullies who gave me grief were homos [[Jack Thaddeus|themselves]], placing their damn label onto me wrongfully.

[[Magi-Chan|As long as they each keep it to themselves and behind closed doors, I won't bother them]].<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20110722211350/http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=20&p=162#p162] (Archive from 22 July 2011)</ref>}}

===Re: July Meetup===
{{quoteboxred|'''by DanielleTheRiveter » Sun May 29, 2011 9:58 pm'''

That's right, everyone. It's that time again. Time to plan our big meet up for July. We're currently looking to meet up somewhere that's kinda central and should be easy for everyone.

First off, remember to dress your best. I'm going to wear my old dress uniform like normal but if you'd like to give us a sneak peak of your outfit, please feel free to do so here.

Also, any suggestions for Date / Time / Location is welcome.

Looking forward to seeing everyone there!|DanielleTheRiveter<ref name="July Meetup">[http://web.archive.org/web/20110722211516/http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=27&p=229#p229] (Archive from 22 July 2011)</ref>}}

{{quotebox|Wed Jun 01, 2011 3:47 am
How about at the [[Two's_company_snapshots|Applebees]] next to Toys 'R' Us on Branchlands Lane on a Monday; at 9 PM, they have Karaokee night there. Meet and greet first and sing-along after.<ref name="July Meetup" />}}

===Re: FUKKEN HATERSSSssssssssss===
In which Chris fantasizes about an unrealistic encounter with a "hater" and reminds everyone that he's not a [[homo]].

{{quotebox|Wed Jun 08, 2011 3:38 am
I would generally ignore the haters' hurtful comments and move forward too. But if they are really in my face calling me gay or telling me [[virgin|I won't be geeting a woman]], I would tell them like it is in my miniskirt, "All I have to do is lift up my skirt and I'll be up your woman's biz in seconds." :)<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20110722211544/http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=32&p=291#p291] (Archive from July 22 2011)</ref>}}

===Re: What part of Virginia are you from?===
{{quotebox|Wed Jun 08, 2011 3:44 am
Charlottesville is my city of stompin' ground; it can stand some improvement, though. More excitement, and maybe a strip club or two. LOL.

I've also resided in [[Richmond|Midlothian]] for my Middle and [[High School]] years.<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20110722211606/http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=35&p=292] (Archive from 22 Jul 2011)</ref>}}

===Re: 10 interesting facts about you!===
Unsurprisingly, Chris considers an assortment of banal self-serving opinions to be "interesting facts".

{{quotebox|Wed Jun 08, 2011 4:00 am

[[Autism|1.]] I like to take my time to think of how I feel about the current topic, as well as responding in discussion.

2. I am empathetic.

[[Fat|3.]] I appreciate how the fast food places wised up and started offering apple slices as a healthier option after decades of fried potatoes.

[[Trolls|4.]] With my history of being trolled and online coomunicating, I feel online socializing only makes people more autistic-like. People need to wise up and go back to feeling comfortable socializing in person.

[[Cwcsicle|5.]] I have sassy, fun ideas sometimes.

[[Sonichu|6.]] I am good at hand-drawing, coloring and story creating.

[[Manchester High School|7.]] I have had happy years in High School.

[[Autism|8.]] I try to be cautious of other people's intentions and feelings while communicating and coping with them.

9. I am technologically and musically inclined.

[[Chris and Art|10.]] I enjoy tinkering and creating when I feel inspired.<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20110722211622/http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=34&p=293] (Archive from 22 Jul 2011)</ref>}}

===Re: tomboy looking 4 tomgirl===
A [[Trolls|purported]] tomboy makes herself known on the forums, and is immediately attacked by Chris with no incitement or context.
[[Image:Suchin.jpg|thumb|Suchin]]

{{quoteboxred|'''by William » Sun May 29, 2011 2:44 am'''

hello my name is suchin and i am originally from thailand. my friends call me william or will because i am rowdy and like to have fun i am looking for tomgirl to treat me right. i work in manicure salon now and i love beauty on my men and dirt on me

[image]

this is me. what is you? lets meet up and exchange details. i am from richmond but will be in charlottesville for the 4th of july. i love freedom now too.
your turn now! fi dorrar. sacki aur bunti. PLEASE send me a message!|William<ref name="tomboy looking 4 tomgirl">[http://web.archive.org/web/20110722211633/http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=26&p=311#p311] (Archive from 22 July 2011)</ref>}}

{{quotebox|Thu Jun 09, 2011 3:06 am
There is a pretty face, lovely head of [[hair]] and [[Women's Rights|a nice rack]] in the photo. But I feel I have to interject here.

How do we know you are really that woman, or are you really some immature, trolling stupid brat trying to stir trouble on our forum? People have done that sort of thing over the internet; I fell victim to communicating with such people. And from that, I have learned to keep most personal things offline and to myself.

Anyway, I am not going to fall for such an obvious facade, and I wish to prevent anyone else from finding such gross disappointment and disaster.

Fess up, man.<ref name="tomboy looking 4 tomgirl" />}}

{{quoteboxred|'''by Tippy » Thu Jun 09, 2011 3:27 am '''

Hey I'm going to be down in Richmond tomorrow anyway, I think you're pretty cute so I'd like to meet up if possible.

I understand if this is kind of sudden, but when I saw that picture I just knew I had to meet this woman.|Tippy<ref name="tomboy looking 4 tomgirl" />}}

{{quoteboxred|'''by William » Thu Jun 09, 2011 3:33 am'''

kookydashy your comment make me so sad? i work so hard on my body to be my tomboy self and i am so tired of others putting me down for me being me. sometimes i think it because they jealous but for you to accuse me of being troll, someting i hate most in whole american world, make me cry some. this remind me of my sister telling me i cannot wear pants because i am woman. i can wear pants AND NOT BE MAN OR UGLY!!!!

as for Tippy, you sound so nice. I would love to meet a creature like you in reality world! i would even love to do your hair and nails and so much more... I am excite now! Yes! Please! I get out of work at around six. Can we do drinkies than??
|William<ref name="tomboy looking 4 tomgirl" />}}

{{quoteboxred|'''by Tippy » Thu Jun 09, 2011 3:38 am'''

OMG that's perfect, I'm supposed to have an early dinner meeting with a supplier, so I will be free right around six. I'll private message you my cell number and other info so we can exchange our numbers and stuff. I am so excited, I cannot wait. I will be counting down the hours till we meet up my Tomboy dream. We'll have drinks, and maybe dessert ;). Hehehehe|Tippy<ref name="tomboy looking 4 tomgirl" />}}

{{quoteboxred|'''by William » Thu Jun 09, 2011 3:44 am'''

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Sawatdee kaa!! <3 You are true lady AND gentleman! I will call you tonight to confirm our time together with one another for tomorrow! You have dried every tear of mine so quick and make me smile bright bright bright... I cannot wait to smile more with you! xx|William<ref name="tomboy looking 4 tomgirl" />}}

[[Image:Suchin 2.jpg|thumb|Suchin]]

{{quoteboxred|'''by Tippy » Fri Jun 10, 2011 6:00 pm'''

Hey everyone, I have a major update.

So after my meeting with the supplier, who I sweet talked into giving me a discounted rate, I met up with Suchin for drinks. Let me just say Tomboys and Tomgirls, the photos do not do her justice, she looks absolutely incredible. She gave me some great tips on keeping my pedicures lasting longer, we talked about every subject imaginable, and I hope she doesn't mind me saying this, but I am totally crushing on her right now, and cannot wait to see her again. The drive home from Richmond felt like nothing because of how happy I am right now.

Plus I'll always have this picture to remember our incredible night by.

Tippy<ref name="tomboy looking 4 tomgirl" />}}

{{quoteboxred|'''by William » Fri Jun 10, 2011 7:33 pm'''

Yes, it very true ! Tippy you steal my heart and not ever let go! I am happy this way. I love sharing all my pretty lingerie with Tippy and I teach my new Tomgirl how to do Thai lap dance. We are so sensual and one. Tippy and I are item now!! NO TOUCHING! Thank you TBS and TGS of Virgina! <3 xoxo|William<ref name="tomboy looking 4 tomgirl" />}}

{{quoteboxred|'''by Tippy » Fri Jun 10, 2011 7:40 pm'''

Suchin, you catty gal, I thought you were gonna let me announce to the forum that we were an item. It's ok, I still love you. And I can't wait until the next time we're together so I can give you that massage while you play your video games. I've never felt this happy, like this may be the greatest day of my entire life. I've met a lot of girls in my life, but Suchin, you are my woman, my strong, masculine, tomboy woman. I can't wait to see you next weekend, I've already talked to my boss, and I'm getting Friday off so we can spend the whole day together.

I never thought I'd be able to find love on an internet forum, and here we are, happy as can be. Thank you Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virgina, I hope the rest of you find your Tomboys and Tomgirls soon.
|Tippy<ref name="tomboy looking 4 tomgirl" />}}

{{quotebox|Sun Jun 12, 2011 4:10 am
It looks like I stand corrected of my suspicions. But with my past experiences, and the too great number of crazy people in the world, we all have to be very cautious. And with that, I apologize for my earlier post and hurting your feelings, Suchin.<ref name="tomboy looking 4 tomgirl" />}}

===Re: Manicure/Pedicure stories?===
Chris delivers an enthralling account of his fingernail growth.
{{quotebox|I have colored my nails before, and it is fun to do for a grand outting.

I feel it ill for me to go in for a manicure, not only due to lack of funds, but I am a recovering nail-biter. I even had to have a fingernail replaced in surgery years ago; it is growing in well, even though slower than the other nine.<ref><s>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=37&p=312#p312]</s> (Dead link as of January 2015)</ref>}}

===Re: Mothers===
In which Chris nonchalantly claims that there should be laws enforced to tailor to his personal insecurities.

{{quotebox|June 8, 2011
My mother has tried to coerce me into going back to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|briefs]]; Hells No! Panties are far more comfortable And stylish. And I am not going to ever go out without one of my [[muscle bra|sports bras]] again. She even tried to bribe, or wager, me, but I would not take it.

I feel there should be a law requiring all men to wear bras (sports ones at least); I feel grossed out whenever I see some dude walking sround shirtless. ]:(P<ref><s>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=39&p=315#p315]</s> (Dead link as of January 2015)</ref>}}

===Friendship Issues===
As with most things Chris writes that are longer than one sentence, his initial post heavily concerns his hatred of men. It then devolves into an argument between Chris and a couple of forum users about his bad attitude when it comes to online socializing.

{{quotebox|Fri Jun 17, 2011 2:05 am
I'd like to talk a bit about those of us (well, me in particular) who have for real only less than or equal to a handful of friends in person.

Growing up, I have had mostly [[gal-pals|female friends]]. I was considerably blessed, yet I still lack the virgin-breaker moment. The close friendships were great, and I really appreciated them in my heart forever. I really should have tried to get further, but before 21, I was [[naive]] on the subject of dating. There Really should be a manditory [[dating education]] class alongside sex ed.

I have known all of my life that I do get along better with women well over those of my own gender. No personal offense to anyone.

I have a mental flaw, along with other learnings, which has taught me that most of the worldwide male poulation are, pretty much, Uncaring, Violent, Ignorant, Dumb, Boring Jerks. And with that, I feel afraid in meeting most males, because I feel ill of getting too close, because of me getting hurt, or something else god-awful. ]:(

Again, no personal offense is meant to anyone.

My gal pal has informed me that me meeting more women and getting it on is very unlikely if I do not have many dude pals. Nutshell; I would be mistaken for a homo, or too easily [[friend zone|friend-zoned]] by women. This tid bit makes me feel sad.

Open for individual responses from Everyone on this forum.<ref name="Friendship Issues">[http://web.archive.org/web/20110722211758/http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=48&p=405] (Archive from 22 July 2011)</ref>}}

{{quoteboxred|'''by BornThisWay » Sun Jun 19, 2011 12:24 am'''
Aww, that sux!!!! Anyway I met most of my friends back in high school, or college, or at my past jobs. Sometimes it's hard to keep in touch with everybody but that's why the [[Internet]] and phones were invented! A lot of the friends I hang out with now were from my last job. We'd go out for drinks every Thursday, Friday and Saturday and have the grandest of times! Sometimes I still meet up with them, but not every week like I used to.

As for meeting people, I've never really thought about it because I'm not a really shy person. I guess if you strike up conversations based on stuff you like or stuff you notice about them, that's a good start. It's real easy to sit in your room all day and play video games but you just have to talk to people and get out there. Sometimes I'll just go out all by myself and sit someplace nice and quiet and read. If you look cute sometimes people come up and introduce themselves!

But anyway if you haven't done it already you should get on [[Facebook]] and try to find your old friends and tell them what you've been up to since you've last seen them! It's a really easy way to keep in touch with people especially since a lot of people move away right after high school or college. Facebook is like a high school reunion that never ends! (Sorry if I sound like a commercial!) Plus if there's anyone who still lives in Virginia maybe they can introduce you to some of their single friends! Just be yourself and let us know what they say, ok?|BornThisWay<ref name="Friendship Issues" />}}

{{quotebox|Tue Jun 21, 2011 1:55 am
"Social" websites like Facebook and [[MySpace]] are ALL a Joke against socializing. Everybody is on the internet these days. And to Socialize online with total strangers Constantly is an epic fail. That kind of "socializing" on the internet will only result in making people more and more Autistic-Like. Think about it.

The more time we spend in front of an internet screen leads to constant lack of practice in REAL Socializing face to face offline.<ref name="Friendship Issues" />}}

{{quoteboxred|'''by Mike Love » Tue Jun 21, 2011 5:23 am'''
I like Facebook. There's a lot of people I don't nescesarilly talk to a lot, but I like to be able to keep up with what they're doing. Plus it makes it easier to keep track of people's phone numbers. Plus, I know a lot of cute girls, and I like to look at their photos a lot and get ideas on new outfits to wear.
|Mike Love<ref name="Friendship Issues" />}}

{{quotebox|Tue Jun 21, 2011 8:16 pm
Just a gosh-darn minute. People Pretend to be Other People online, even Computers have been Programmed to pretend to be People to tease and get personal information from you. And Trolls/Cyber-Bullies Hack into YOUR Facebook and MySpace, rearranging, smearing, soiling with pornographic, most horrible images from the darkest regions of the internet. And they create [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|wiki]] [[CWCki|sites]] and pages of Hate against you soo horrible that Googling your own name results in MILLIONS of hate-filled results.<ref name="Friendship Issues" />}}

{{quoteboxred|'''by BornThisWay » Tue Jun 21, 2011 11:53 pm'''
Like I said, it's really, really sad that you're putting your fears in the way of getting in touch with your old friends and establishing new friendships. I'll bet your old friends think about you sometimes and miss you. And like it or not, people use social networking sites to contact people they know in real life to do things in real life. This is the way things are now.

I don't get how somebody who has enough courage to dress up in women's clothing and walk around in public and use the girl's bathroom can be so afraid of somebody making fun of them on the internet. I mean, who would even know who your old friends are? Why would somebody go through the trouble of impersonating them? And wouldn't you like, be able to figure out if it was somebody pretending to be them? I mean their Facebook profile would link back to all their friends and most of their family members. They'd not only have to fool you, but their parents and relatives, who have known them since they were born. Like, if somebody tried to set up a phony profile and pretended to be me just to hate on me, everybody would know that something was off.

So like, you've though about one bad thing that could happen if you tried to look up old friends on Facebook, and just assumed that it will happen. And you said you're afraid of getting to close to males in real life, because you think something bad might happen. It's really easy to worry and make up excuses about why you can't do things, but just know that if you do that anxiety is going to rule your life.

Like I said you believe in yourself enough to admit that you're a Tomgirl and get out there and strut your stuff. Some Tomgirls don't even get that far! Think about how much you've already accomplished before deciding what you can and can't do. You're your own boss and I can't make you do anything, I'm just saying your life would be a lot less lonely if you were open to looking up the old friends you've fallen out of touch with over the years.|BornThisWay<ref name="Friendship Issues" />}}

{{quoteboxred|'''by Tippy » Wed Jun 22, 2011 1:31 am'''
Maybe I've just been lucky and haven't met anyone who has lied to me online. I use facebook to keep in contact with the people I'm close to, they've made it so easy to keep track of my friends, why wouldn't I take advantage of it. As far as having problems with meeting anyone online. I met Suchin here on the forum, and I had no trouble meeting up with her. There are always going to be assholes out there Kooky, but you can show them that they are just haters and you aren't going to listen to them.
|Tippy<ref name="Friendship Issues" />}}

{{quoteboxred|'''by Thoria » Wed Jun 22, 2011 2:34 am'''
I just use FB in private mode, that way haters can't see what I'm doing and I only have my closest friends on there.
|Thoria<ref name="Friendship Issues" />}}

At this point Chris loses all self-control and does everything short of posting "I am Christian Weston Chandler, I am famous on the internet and trolls pick on me".

{{quotebox|Wed Jun 22, 2011 6:18 am
It's not just THOUGHT, but it HAS happened to me before for real. And if you don't believe, take for example the author of the comic book series featuring that yellow, [[electric hedgehog]]... [[Sonichu]], if I remember correctly.

Before a time, the author had a clean history, then Cyber-Bullies and Trolls attacked him greatly; now Googling his name will result in over a million results of hate and name soiling. Especially from the blackmail and deceptions he had to endure.

I, myself, had a page on Facebook. Things were good for me a while. Then I was attacked in [[2005]] by the Trolls. They pretended to be my closest friends; they got a number of incriminating photos and details from me. They also hacked into my Facebook. It took me over a week before I was able to reset my password and e-mail address. And upon reflection, I closed my Facebook account and left the online socializing for years. It is real, and they are vicious, crazy, wickedly smart people.<ref name="Friendship Issues" />}}

===We've been found AND mocked horribly! :(===
In which Chris actually says "I am Christian Weston Chandler, I am famous on the internet and trolls pick on me". He also tries to incite the forum into hacking the [[CWCki]] for him.

{{quotebox|Wed Jul 20, 2011 10:45 pm
Google and go to the hate-site, the "Cwcki". They're making distasteful mockery of this forum right now.

Those Trolls MUST be taken down NOW!}}

{{quoteboxred|'''by Tomboy » Thu Jul 21, 2011 3:51 pm
Not to worry! My friend Arthur who is very internet-savvy and runs a very successful website told me of a great strategy to deal with cyberbullies like this. The first thing is to send a very sternly worded letter to their ISP and complain of copyright infringement which they have done if they have used any graphics or images from our forum. The second step is to perform what is called a "Denial of Service" or DOS attack which would mean all of us going to their website throughout the day and clicking on links to eat up their bandwidth. He said he used this strategy very successfully just a couple of weeks ago.}}

{{quotebox|Thu Jul 21, 2011 10:50 pm
This Arthur has a good idea with this "[[wikipedia:Denial-of-service attack|DOS]]". He certainly knows more than I have on taking down their Trolling Stupid websites.

My Tomgirl and Tomboy acquaintances, I feel it is time I introduce myself better. I am more than just a Tomgirl. I am the high-functioning autistic person who was heavily emotionally damaged, artistic inspiration lost with paranoia, deception, blackmail and plain hurtful words from those bottom-feeding Trolls. I am the hand-drawing original creator of Sonichu, Rosechu and the city of Cwcville, Virginia, USA.

I am Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, VA.

I had joined this Forum with the opportunity to associate with my own misunderstood kind of people, commonly mistaken for amongst the gays and lesbians. I concealed my identity on here reasonably, prayfully Not to be found by those Trolls.

For Years, I have fallen victim to their trachery. I have tried within my own limited knowledge and technology to counter-attack those fiends. I have mostly failed. And as a result, my reputation on the internet fell deep into their treacherous exaggerations, lies and crap. If I had any knowledge or technology, I would have hacked into and destroy every one of their webpages, servers and whatnot looong ago, but I did and still do not. All I could do in the end was hide in the old-fashioned (as it would appear to be now) world of Real Life, off of the internet. Yet I am one who does not like to be left behind in the modern world.

Also, because of them, it has been Impossible for me to get a job; damned negative background checks. And I would appreciate reducing the results of my full name from over Two Freaking Million results back down to less than 100.

Now that they have found me on here, y'all have been dragged into my darkness; for that, I feel deep shame and regret, and I am really sorry about that.

I am Not the disgruntled, mean or perverted person they have mislabeled of me; I am only a normal, heterosexual, good natured, high-functioning autistic Tomgirl, and I want to be treated like a normal person.

And I wish I do not have to be paranoid of those fiends and their hurtful webpages.<ref name="found out page 2">[http://web.archive.org/web/20110804190802/http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=57&start=10] (Archive from 4 Aug 2011)</ref>}}

Unaware of the horrible truth, members promise to help.

{{quoteboxred|'''by Thoria » Thu Jul 21, 2011 11:22 pm'''
Well Chris, you won't have to worry about this "CWCki" for much longer. Trust me on that, we'll take care of it. I have a cousin who's into computers and stuff, he took a Computer Science III course. I'll give him a shout and see if he can do something. If I were those trolls I'd be shivering in my boots right now.<ref name="found out page 2" />}}

Chris demonstrates a feeling resembling gratitude, but also seems to be preparing himself to sit down and wait for a solution to come to him.

{{quotebox|Sat Jul 23, 2011 1:41 am
Thank you. Any help in this old battle to finally put it to rest would bebgreatly appreciated.

[[Chris and religion|God bless us all]].<ref name="found out page 3">[http://web.archive.org/web/20110804190910/http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=57&start=20] (Archive from 4 Aug 2011)</ref>}}

One of them quickly catches up, however:

{{quoteboxred|'''by SexBomb33 » Sat Jul 23, 2011 2:42 am'''
Aren't you going to help us fight ''your'' battle in any way?<ref name="found out page 3" />}}

Chris explains why:

{{quotebox|Thu Jul 28, 2011 11:57 pm
As I have said before, I have tried on my own to counter-attack, and I still lack knowledge and resourses within my reach to counter-attack properly. And I do not have a functional Personal Computer or a Laptop of any kind. I have been posting from my 3DS internet browser, and it, my Wii, PS3, PSP at my house and one of the computers at the nearby library, which requires Gasoline to get to, are my current ONLY connection methods to the internet.

At this point, technology-wise and mentally autistic with the missing links in my Corpus Callosum, I do not feel fit to be an adaquate leader in taking down the frigging cyber-bullies and trolls.

I do have intel from my own experiences and past research which hopefully can be helpful. I'd recommend starting at [[The GAMe PLACe|the Game & Hobby Place]] in Charlottesville, across from the Omni hotel. I have been banned from there in April, [[2008]] by the [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|cold-hearted]] [[Michael Snyder]]. My family and I know that in a great way, that Place IS a central or focal point of the Trolls' plottings and/or such.

PLUS, it AND the other three associated hobby stores on their same website are ALL owned by a convicted-in-Illinois sex offender, Robert Lightfire. The Place is located across the street from a Public School; morally and legally, the Place should NOT be located there at all. Yet Mr. Lightburn is listed as an Offender in Illinois; he isn't listed in VA. He lives in Madison. I am positive, aside from him being married, Mr. Snyder has his own equatable criminal scandal.

That's all I have for now.<ref name="found out page 3" />}}

Chris will be helped by TRUE and HONEST people in this fight. As in, they will do it for him if he can help (i.e., never)

{{quoteboxred|'''by DanielleTheRiveter » Fri Jul 29, 2011 1:21 am'''
Don't worry about it, Chris. I'm sure Thoria's cousin can help you out. He's been good to me in the past I'm sure that he's an Honest and Helpful fellow.

I'm sure that you'll be free of those trolls soon and I'm glad that you've trusted us with this. You're a good friend. Thoria's cousin has enough tech ability. He can walk you through it as long as you have the intel and can help him out a little bit.<ref name="found out page 3" />}}

It is very likely that these new, oh-so-helpful friends provided the impetus for the [[Calling Out]] Saga, which produced its first video just one week later.

==See also==
*[[Sonichu Girls]]
*[[Tomgirl Pictures]]
*[[Trollin' Train]]

==References==
<references/>

{{The Internet}}

[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Homos]]
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Websites]]

Sonic World

2021-01-14T01:14:17Z

Got2Hands:

{{quote|Why do the handful of people in this dimension have to be so freaking ungrateful and selfish, including you?|Chris to the person he appropriated a Sonichu mod from.}}

[[File:Sonic World Sonichu mod.jpg|thumb|200px|The Sonichu mod Chris uses, also set as his [[Twitter]] avatar.]]

'''Sonic World''' is a [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] fan game which can be modded with characters. In October 2020, [[Chris]] joined its [[Discord]] group and requested ''[[Sonichu]]''-themed mods. He also recorded lines for Sonichu, [[Chris Chan Sonichu]], [[Magi-Chan]], and [[Rosechu]]. Chris also requested a mod be made of [[ProjectSNT]] due to his continuing obsession over her.<ref name=Discord>[[:File:SonicWorldDXDiscord.png]]</ref>

In December 2020, Chris noticed a fanmade mod of Sonichu and requested to get in contact with the modder, in order to add his own voice clips and details to the Sonichu character mod. Without acquiring permission, Chris appropriated the Sonichu mod, replaced the creator's voice clips with his own, replaced the bio, and re-posted the mod under his account to GameBanana. Chris reposting mods without permission got his submissions to GameBanana flagged and his account temporarily kicked from the Sonic World DX Discord group.<ref>[[:File:Kicked from Sonic World DX Discord.png]]</ref>

==GameBanana mods==
{{quote|A LOT of gaming Mods are just simple texture changes; you should know that better than anyone. Your demaning commentary is just hateful, and I simply do not like you flagging our content. [[Messiah complex|You will be judged.]]

Sonichu Prime, Dimension C-197|Chris's message to various users.<ref>https://gamebanana.com/members/submissions/posts/1760824</ref>}}

[[File:GameBanana Screenshot.png|200px|right]]

On 26 November 2020, Chris joined the GameBanana modding community as ''CWCSonichu'', and started uploading mods to the website.<ref>[https://gamebanana.com/members/1760824 Profile: CWCSonichu] ([https://web.archive.org/web/20201215063610/https://gamebanana.com/members/1760824 Archived])</ref> Chris’s submissions shortly ran into trouble with the community, mostly for [[Chris and copyright|not crediting]] the original author,<ref>[https://gamebanana.com/textures/admin/flags/6281 Flags: Human Form Modern & Classic Chris Chan Sonichu Mod] ([https://web.archive.org/web/20201215062508/https://gamebanana.com/textures/admin/flags/6281 Archived])</ref><ref name="cirrusfire">[https://gamebanana.com/skins/183391?post=8886471 Comment in Sonichu Mod (personally updated)] ([https://web.archive.org/web/20201218115452/https://gamebanana.com/skins/183391?post=8886471 Archived])</ref> or spamming.<ref>[https://gamebanana.com/textures/admin/flags/6272 Flags : Beta-type Chris Chan and Magi-Chan Sonichu Mods] ([https://web.archive.org/web/20201215062515/https://gamebanana.com/textures/admin/flags/6272 Archived])</ref><ref>[https://gamebanana.com/textures/admin/flags/6271 Flags : Shiny Sonichu Mod] ([https://web.archive.org/web/20201215062912/https://gamebanana.com/textures/admin/flags/6271 Archived])</ref> As of 28 December 2020:<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20201215062706/https://gamebanana.com/members/submissions/sublog/1760824 Sublog: CWCSonichu]</ref>

* Three mods were taken down for having more than four flags, and were later deleted by Chris with the reason given as: “Chris Chan Sonichu, herself, commanded it so for now”.<ref>[https://gamebanana.com/textures/6281 Human Form Modern & Classic Chris Chan Sonichu Mod] ([https://web.archive.org/web/20201228014326/https://gamebanana.com/textures/6281 Archived])</ref>
* Two were deleted by him, with the reason given as: “Have my reasons”.<ref>[https://gamebanana.com/skins/183643 Shiny Sonichu Mod] ([https://web.archive.org/web/20201215064554/https://gamebanana.com/skins/183643 Archived])</ref>
* One mod was deleted, after a complaint by the original artist.

===Human Form Modern & Classic Chris Chan Sonichu Mod===
[[File:Kale-CWC-min.png|thumb|The recolored Kale-as-CWC mod.]]
[[File:Kale-CWC-Super-min.png|thumb|Super Saiyan form.]]

Chris made this mod, recoloring a model of Kale from [[Dragon Ball]], which was flagged for being spam. He wrote an angry description on it.<ref>https://archive.vn/6EKWH</ref>

{{quotebox|**BEFORE you go off typing in the comments section, know that A. I am fully aware of the Mods I've been uploading being essentially texture changes, but they all do have different and new voice clips that you all are missing out on by not being able to download the Mods for yourselves. B. I know the pictures are bad, I do not know what button to press on this laptop to screen cap better. If I did, I certainly would have done so already. And C. I know you damned bunch of Hater and bad [[Trolls]] are here on the hunt of just about anything that is Chris Chan or Sonichu related, well this is not your place to hate on what we have on here. AND a lot of Mods for just about any game are retextures and revoices, but you do not see anyone that is not a hater or bad complaining. I do not. There is no difference between Skin and Texture, because it's essentially basing off of an existing character base from the original game. Therefore, all of you [[Julay]]-effing-lovers can shut the hell up.

With that said, this is a retextured Mod of a DBZ fighter to represent Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu in her Human form; you get her in two variants: her present attire, and her classic shirt. They both respectively have different sets of voice clips. New ones that are memeable on the Classic variant. And the Modern one has three Bonus voice clips within its folder. And they each are wearing the signature [[Medallion|Sonichu Medallion]], even though it doesn't show so easy in the above photographs.

Download today, Do Not Complain, Comment nor Flag this Mod, and enjoy. Okay? I, Sonichu Prime, have just had it about up to beyond seven feet with this dimension and you poisonous lot. And I know you all are just laughing it up for the freaking [[Laughs Under Lucricities|LULZ]] reading this, but mark my words: you all will be judged and sentenced by Chris Chan, herself, and the other deities as well.

And one more thing, I genuinely am not on this website for any freaking points; I am only using this platform for sharing these add-ons with you all. Good day.}}

Chris’s diatribe did not prevent the mod from being taken down for improper crediting and using the wrong category on 17 December 2020.<ref>[https://gamebanana.com/textures/admin/flags/6281 Flags : Beta-type Chris Chan and Magi-Chan Sonichu Mods] ([https://web.archive.org/web/20201218115924/https://gamebanana.com/textures/admin/flags/6281 Archived])</ref>

=== Sonichu Mod (personally updated) ===

On the same day, it emerged that ''Sonichu Mod (personally updated)'', one of Chris’s mods that was also [[Honor roll|featured]] on GameBanana, was stolen from a modder called CirrusFire, who created the model with Sack Tree back in 2017:<ref name="cirrusfire"/><ref>[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8DLxKEXpyY Sonic World: Sonichu RELEASE 8] on YouTube, 31 December 2017</ref>

{{quoteboxred|'''Cirrusfire''': Would have been nice you would have gotten permission to repost this mod with a slightly altered voice mod, I put a lot of effort into the model and animations way back when.. If anything you could have just posted a "Original Official voice Mod pack" to put in the mod I already made.}}

{{quoteboxorange|'''Blur of Blue''': huh... so he never got permission AND is posting lazy recolors of this!? I'm kinda not surprised though...}}

On 21 December 2020, the mod was removed:<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20201221094423/https://gamebanana.com/skins/183391 Sonichu Mod (personally updated)]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|'''YellowJello''': The original creator of this model has requested that we take down this page because sufficient permission was not given to release the mod.}}

== Twitter response ==
On 20 December, Chris took to Twitter to, in his own words, "[set] a record straight" and address the situation. What resulted was Chris denying that he stole mods by claiming that he gave credit to the original creators (forgetting that he still [[Recycling|recycled]] the mods without their permission beforehand) and spending most of the tweets nitpicking other mods and invoking his belief that he had swapped bodies with Sonichu as an excuse for his actions.<ref>[[December 2020 social media posts#Chris "setting the record straight"]]</ref>

{{quote|I am still learning and figuring this out; cut me some slack, please, I was born a Pichu in the wild, had to grow up quick and hard in early 2003, and worked very hard and tough with Rosey and the others defending Cwcville, helping out the rest of the Earth, checked out other dimensions and timelines and so on in missions, and presently still talking with you all from within Chris Chan’s body after eight and a half-plus months since the body-swap, last March.}}

==Confronting Cirrusfire over DMs==
On 26 December 2020, Chris, during his phase of [[role-play]]ing as Sonichu, confronted Cirrusfire over [[Discord]] DMs. The DMs were later leaked by Deez, the admin of the Sonic World Discord group, who [[ban]]ned Chris over the confrontation.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/12-26-2020-chriss-dms-with-sonichu-mod-creator.82796/ (Archive https://archive.fo/T5ueo)</ref>

Chris's messages are in yellow; Cirrusfire's in green.

{{quoteboxyellow|Cirrus, I wish to talk with you. The Sonichu Mod was forced into trash from Gamebanana.}}

''[Chris sends a cap of the GameBanana deletion]''

{{quoteboxyellow|Look, for one thing, I gave you credit in the notes of the Mod. Second, I am Sonichu Prime; the one-and-only individual that mod was inspired and made from. Third, Christine is the main owner of our IP and all that.

I get it, I should have talked with you sooner about this, but I had thought things were cool, since this was a non-profit bit of data that was personally updated and made authentic, and as the individual who made the thing, I had thought you would be [[Chris and his Ego|humbled and honored]] to have been made famous by our action of sharing your contribution to the communities. But for whatever reasoning that we can resolve to restore this, I am willing to listen. But, dude, in this misconduct after the fact of my own generosity to make the mod better, 1 personally feel rejected, and it really hurts.}}

{{quoteboxgreen|Just because you have me credit in the notes doesn't mean you can republish my work. Secondly yes it's your character that I mainly made for a comic dub that was long since cancelled 2 years ago, and it's why I did my own voice acting.. it's authentic to my own project, I have you permission to make your own voice mod which is fine and dandy and you can release the voice mod separate and for those that wish to use it can download it, also. I'm not famous, if I was cool but it'd be on my own accord, and not for a sonichu mod.. but once again having your own voice mod is chill, but when I made it originally it took hours to animate and work on, models, textures. I put all that time and effort in.}}

{{quoteboxyellow|''[cutoff]'' Mod, and uploaded them separately from the Mod, people would still need the Mod to put with the files. If it were you, and you did not know where to download the Mod to go with these voice and bio files, it would be just about garbage to you. So, yeah, the mod would have to be there with the voice and bio files. I'll let you ponder and stew over that. [[Messiah complex|What you did will be judged upon you by Chris, herself]]; what you did was most ungrateful and selfish. (edited)

And to add, no [[money]] was being made at all from this. Sonic World is a free to play game, and so are all of the Mods. A Mod should only be reported if the person is actually making any money off of the Mod itself. And a retexture is a retexture; it should not be a freaking matter, because the thing is Free. Why do the handful of people in this [[dimension]] have to be so freaking ungrateful and selfish, including you?}}

{{quoteboxgreen|It's my project, my model, you don't get to justify texturing, also it's a rule in the sonic world discord server so maybe you should "ponder and stew" for being ungrateful and selfish for not just being satisfied for a mod that was meant for everyone to enjoy- also so people would 'know' you could easily drop my mod link with your voice and bio mod, BAM that's literally okay. And it's not ungrateful or selfish. I didn't have to release the mod at all, a lot of people don't release their mods for this exact reason, people like you will take and repost and others will instantly think you did everything when all you did was change voice files and a bio}}

==Demo Audio Track==
This video, and the lines in it were shared via Google Drive by Chris to the Sonic World DX Discord group.

It contains lines for Rosechu, Sonichu and Magi-Chan.

{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Myrec_20-11-17_at_18 15 11
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|l7EC8wmR66A}}
| Stardate = 17 [[November 2020]]
| Featuring =
| Saga =
| previous = [[Chris Chan Sonichu Intro animation]]
| next = [[Sonichu reads and critiques a Fanfic by The Crimson Libertarian]]
}}

{{collapsible|Transcript|
'''Chris''': Hey Sonic World players! This is Sonichu coming to you live from Christine's body. From Mama Chris-Chan's body, I mean- if y'all have been-keep payin' attention on her Twitter and recently on our YouTube! Yeah, you would definitely gotten the message that [[Spirit possession|we had swapped bodies]] like ''months'' ago, SEVEN MONTHS! Anyway, so for the demo samples for... our voicing on the... project of our c-characters for our mods in Sonic World. And by the way I wanna add that for the special abilities if you se-s'apparently Mar-ma- honestly Mario can have his word-wording of his special abilities changed like what RB does. [''short sigh''] Ah. I mean it says ''Sonic Wind'' it should be like something like ''Thundershock'' or ''Thunderboat'' and instead of ''Whirlwind'' it would be- i-it should b-be something like ''Discharge''. And if possible lightning bolts give us some lightning bolts instead of... wind imagery t'for our output. Izzay-yeah I no doubt it would be much or too much I mean at least cha- at least change the names of our specials in the list. In our list. [[Chris and english|Et-that's just hear near or hear]] Alright so anyway, you're hear me, this is Sonichu, I'll give you a few my-give you a few of my catchphrases:

'''Sonichu''': Let's zap it up!

'''Sonichu''': Zap it to the extreme!

[''clicking noise, likely Chris's jewelry'']

'''Sonichu''': I do it for my friends, I do it for my mama.

[''the clinking noise stays interspersed between lines for the rest of the video'']

'''Sonichu''': Ipledgemyloyalty to Chris-Chan.

[''silence, save for static and the clinking'']

'''Sonichu''': If only Rosey was here!

'''Sonichu''': ''in an unidentifiable accent with a lisp'' Ey, ruth! 'Ello!

'''Sonichu''': Aaaag!

'''Sonichu''': Ow-sty scrap!

'''Sonichu''': A-he-awesome!

'''Sonichu''': We're really zappin' it up together!

'''Sonichu''': Eh. I coulda done better.

'''Chris''': Eh-way that's just a few examples, I could think further or do better on- af- on, you know having a full list of what each voice clip does my me- me- I can only gather so much from looking at the .ogg files. Personally I'm not able to make such files but at the very least when I do record these samples I do record them to this audio file app and y'all can convert them. Anyway so here's a few sample- examples for... Rosey.

[''Chris is thinking'']

'''Rosechu''': I'll do my best!

'''Rosechu''': Let's go!

'''Rosechu''': I do it for my family and my loved ones.

'''Rosechu''': Take that!

'''Rosechu''': I'll kick your ass!

'''Rosechu''': Waddaya think you're doin'?

'''Rosechu''': Noooooooo!

'''Rosechu''': Yay!

'''Rosechu''': Aah!

'''Rosechu''': Gre-hay, good job, player!

'''Rosechu''': Let's do this again sometime.

'''Rosechu''': E rank? What are you, kidding me?

'''Chris''': Alright, so now with that- with that done, here's uh- here's samples for Magi-Chan Sonichu:

'''Magi-Chan:''' My wisdom knows no bounds.

'''Magi-Chan:''' I have seen the future.

'''Magi-Chan:''' We must callect the rings!

'''Magi-Chan:''' Telekinesis levitate.

'''Magi-Chan:''' I got all the psychic powers.

'''Magi-Chan:''' I see danger up ahead.

'''Magi-Chan:''' Our path is clear.

'''Magi-Chan:''' Be aware of the glitch!

'''Magi-Chan:''' Uuuaaaagh!

'''Magi-Chan:''' Aghgh!

'''Magi-Chan:''' This's no good.

'''Magi-Chan:''' Oh hey, this is really... satisfactory.

'''Magi-Chan:''' Satisfactory.

'''Magi-Chan:''' That was a good run. Thank you for playing me. Or rather, thank you for playing ''with'' me.

'''Chris:''' Yes, we should definitely have a good rewrite on the final versions of the voice samples before we actually record them.

'''Magi-Chan:''' Mh. E rank. We can do better than that. I foresee you trying.

'''Magi-Chan:''' Don't give up.

'''Chris:''' Ann o'course- uhh, you know, just direct from the original voicebox- just, you know, good ol' Chris-Chan, AKA Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu... Just devol(?) voice, I mean, you got me talkin' here- I'm talkin' here. Heh. But yeah, the upgrades definitely beat Mama. And the update, instead of saying- uh, Sonichu callin' me father, he calls me Mama. Or mother, whichever- 'cause y'know, I ''did'' [[Transgender|change genders]]. Anyway...

'''Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu:''' Alright, let's go!

'''Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu:''' Time to zap it up!

'''Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu:''' Krakow!

'''Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu:''' I ain' missin' out on this!

'''Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu:''' Take that!

'''Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu:''' Zappin' it up!

'''Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu:''' WOOHOO!

'''Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu:''' Yay!

'''Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu:''' Ay, good job on this run.

'''Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu:''' Eh. We coulda done better.

'''Chris:''' Alright, well, that's pretty much it for now- fur- that's pretty much... '''demonstration'''- this aud- audition tape- if you will. So, yeah, if you want the most authentic voice clips for the Sonichu Characters, we're more happy to- we're more than happy to oblige, personally. So, yeah. Thank you!

}}

==Other soundbites==

===Sonichu===
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Sonichu voice clips
| audio = {{#ev:archiveorg|sonichu-sonic-world-voice-clips}}
| Featuring =
| Saga =
| previous =
| next =
}}
{{collapsible|Transcription|
'''Sonichu''': Hyah!

'''Sonichu''': Zap!

'''Sonichu''': Krakow!

'''Sonichu''': Take that!

'''Sonichu''': Uh! Static scrap!

'''Sonichu''': Time to zap it up! [''exhale'']

'''Sonichu''': Zap to the extreme!

'''Sonichu''': Let's zap it up!

'''Sonichu''': [''chews something''] Doin' it for Mama Chris-chan, and everyone.

'''Sonichu''': Here we go!

'''Sonichu''': Waow!

'''Sonichu''': That breeze feels nice!

'''Sonichu''': Zappin' it up!

'''Sonichu''': Krakow! [''less emphatically'']

'''Sonichu''': Ugh!

'''Sonichu''': Hmm!

'''Sonichu''': Wow!

'''Sonichu''': Ooh! Feel the breeze!

'''Sonichu''': Hyah!

'''Sonichu''': Hwah!

'''Sonichu''': Woo~!

'''Sonichu''': Zap!

'''Sonichu''': Hay-yah!

'''Sonichu''': We did it, Mama!

'''Sonichu''': Welp! We tried!

'''Sonichu''': Ugh! I coulda done better!

'''Sonichu''': A ''[[Honor roll|D]]''? Darn glitch.

'''Sonichu''': Woly crap! Player? We could've done better.

'''Sonichu''': Sweet!

'''Sonichu''': And that's for Sonichus and Rosechus everywhere!
}}

===Magi-Chan===
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Magi-Chan voice clips
| audio = {{#ev:archiveorg|magi-chan-sonic-world-voice-clips}}
| Featuring =
| Saga =
| previous =
| next =
}}
{{collapsible|Transcription|

'''Magi-Chan''': Your mind is [[4-cent_garbage|moot]]!

'''Magi-Chan''': No words.

'''Magi-Chan''': Only thought.

'''Magi-Chan''': Take this.

'''Magi-Chan''': I shall return.

'''Magi-Chan''': Ferry well, player my friend? Lead the way.

'''Magi-Chan''': My abilities are hardly insurpassable.

'''Magi-Chan''': I foresee many battles ahead.

'''Magi-Chan''': Track lightly and swift! Don't fall through the ground.

'''Magi-Chan''': You player are neither a hater or good. You are... ''neutral''.

'''Magi-Chan''': Indeed.

'''Magi-Chan''': Ah! As I have foreseen.

'''Magi-Chan''': Chris-Chan blesses you.

'''Magi-Chan''': This, I like.

'''Magi-Chan''': No!

'''Magi-Chan''': Ascend!

'''Magi-Chan''': Rise.

'''Magi-Chan''': Levitate!

'''Magi-Chan''': [''apets?'']

'''Magi-Chan''': Hear me.

'''Magi-Chan''': Focus!

'''Magi-Chan''': Inner strength.

'''Magi-Chan''': Keep calm.

'''Magi-Chan''': Good job.

'''Magi-Chan''': Fair job.

'''Magi-Chan''': Well enough.

'''Magi-Chan''': You should ponder about this, player.

'''Magi-Chan''': ''pound pound'' Your wisdom and skills, need much improvement, my friend.

'''Magi-Chan''': I need not speak; I foresaw this vittory.}}

===Chris Chan Sonichu===
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris Chan Sonichu voice clips
| audio = {{#ev:archiveorg|chris-chan-sonichu-sonic-world-voice-clips}}
| Featuring =
| Saga =
| previous =
| next =
}}
{{collapsible|Transcription|
'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': ''possibly cut-off'' [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|HAME-HA!]]

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': I'll show you!

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': Chaos! Control!

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': Taste my aura!

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': Kuh!

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': ''exhale'' Calm mind, clear mind, meditate. ''inhale'' Let's go!

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': Time to answer some prayers.

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': Ah! A good day between dimensions.

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': I'll show those haters what I'm made of.

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': Time to draw these pages up!

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': Hu-yah!

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': [[McDonald's|I am lovin']] this moment!

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': Seven rings in my haaaand! ''voice wavering''

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': Another page colored in!

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': Unf!

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': Hay-yah!

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': Zoom!

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': Boing! ''imitating a spring''

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''':''high-pitched'' Wee!

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': Woosh!

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': Breathe it in!

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': Zoom.

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': [[ECV 00002|Electric Hedgehog power!]]

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': Well! Awesome job!

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': Eh. Good enough.

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': Yep. We got a C. Meme that up.

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': [[Honor roll|I've hardly ever earned a D in my education.]]

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': My brain and my mouth. May not sync at times, but that was pitiful.

'''Chris Chan Sonichu''': Esselent! You have done very well.
}}

===Human Chris Chan (Classic)===

{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Human Chris Chan (Classic) voice clips
| audio = {{#ev:archiveorg|human-cwc-classic-sonic-world-voice-clips}}
| Featuring =
| Saga =
| previous =
| next =
}}
{{collapsible|Transcription|
'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': [''possibly cut-off''] [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|HAME-HA!]]

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': THUNDERRRRR!

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': [''growling''] [[Muscle bra|WANT WOMAN]]

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': Shut up, [[BlueSpike|Julie BlueSpike]]!

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': AAAAAAAAAAAAGGG!

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': Let's rock this [[4-cent_garbage.com|4-cent garbage]] down!

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|Don't trust them haters over there, sing along!]]

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': Let's go out and ZAP TO THE ETSTREME!

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': Are there any [[Boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free women]] out there? If not, that's cool.

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': Time to draw these pages up!

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': In the name of love and [[Honest Content|honesty]]!

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': On the news today, a [[Kiwi Farms|LOLcow]]!

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': Bathing is better than [[Axe|Ats Body Spray]]!

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': Another page colored in!

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': Ow!

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': Hay-yah!

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': Woo-yeah!

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': Zoom!

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': Woosh!

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': Rock on!

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': [[Pickle]] barrel!

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': [[Revive Zordon|Ree-vive Zordon!]]

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': [[ECV 00002|Electric Hedgehog powerrrrrrrrr!]]

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|Well, they put my name in a hat, and... I just won!]]

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': [[Obesity|Don't call me fat! My body is slender, thank you!]]

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]], singin' along, gonna rock you with joy!

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': [[Sonic Boom Protests|Sonic's arms are ''not'' blue!]]

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': [[Song of Christian|'''AN "F" IN ENGLISH?! ERRRGG!''']]

'''Chris Chan (Classic)''': {{w|Another One Bites the Dust|Another bunch of haters bite the dust! An anudder one gone and anudder one gone, anudder one gone!}}
}}

===Human Chris Chan (Modern)===

{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Human Chris Chan (Modern) voice clips
| audio = {{#ev:archiveorg|human-cwc-modern-sonic-world-voice-clips}}
| Featuring =
| Saga =
| previous =
| next =
}}
{{collapsible|Transcription|
'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': ''possibly cut-off'' [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|HAME-HA!]]

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': I'll show you!

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': Chaos! Control!

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': Taste my aura!

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': Commodore 64: The pro computer with pro power!

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': '''LEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY [[JenkinsJinkies|JENKINS]]!'''

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': Here's how we do it with Byzantine [[A New, Fun Trick!|r-r-r-r-results!]]

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': Guh!

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': ''exhale'' Calm mind, clear mind, meditate. ''inhale'' Let's go!

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': Time to answer some prayers.

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': Ah! A good day between dimensions.

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': I'll show those haters what I'm made of.

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': Time to draw these pages up!

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': Hu-yah!

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': [[McDonald's|I am lovin']] this moment!

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': Seven rings in my haaaand! ''voice wavering''

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': Another page colored in!

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': Unf!

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': Hay-yah!

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': Zoom!

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': Boing! ''imitating a spring''

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''':''high-pitched'' Wee!

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': Woosh!

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': Breathe it in!

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': Zoom.

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': [[ECV 00002|Electric Hedgehog power!]]

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': Well! Awesome job!

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': Eh. Good enough.

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': Yep. We got a C. Meme that up.

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': [[Honor roll|I've hardly ever earned a D in my education.]]

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': My brain and my mouth, may not sync at times, but ''that'' was pitiful.

'''Chris Chan (Modern)''': Esselent! You have done very well.
}}

==See also==
*[[Cirrusfire DMs]]

==References==
<references/>
[[Category:Video Games]]

Sonichu 12-9

2020-12-19T06:25:22Z

Got2Hands:

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #12-9
| cover = Sonichu 12-9 Cover.jpg
| coverdate = 25 [[August 2017]]
| finishedcomic = 20 [[July 2018]]
| pagecount = 55
| episodes = 1 (split into 4 arcs)
| previous = [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]]
| next = [[Sonichu 13|''Sonichu #13]]
}}
{{Quote|I am an [[art]]ist, but I also [[Hyperdimension Neptunia|traverse dimensions]], and I posess [''sic''] psychic powers. Moreover, I enjoy having fun.|Night Star introduces herself.}}
'''''Sonichu'' #12-9''' (formerly ''Sonichu'' #13) is the 14th issue of the Sonichu comic series. The unusual title is due to Chris's [[superstition]] about the number thirteen.<ref>[[CLog 08142017 - More Positive Content]]</ref> The name ''"Sonichu #13"'' would later be applied to [[Sonichu 13|the next issue]] on August 29, 2019, thus confusing readers into thinking that this issue is a sequel to [[Sonichu 12]].

The plot of this issue was heavily shaped by the [[saga]]s and events in Chris's own life which occurred during the 14 months he worked on the comic - namely, [[BronyCon]] and the [[Doopie]], [[Jessica Quinn]] and [[Idea Guy]] sagas.

Influence from the Idea Guys features heavily in the third act of the comic, as the writing suddenly veers into edginess and their [[OC]], [[Kun T'Nyuget]], is also inserted as Night Star's lover.

==Production notes==
[[File:Sonichu-Planet Dolan.jpeg|thumb|Original cover, for the ''Dolan'' crossover, cover date of 29 [[May 2017]]|200px]]
Chris planned this in May 2017 as a crossover involving [[Planet Dolan]], completing at least the cover and one page; however, the aftermath of the [[DoopieDoOver|Doopie]] saga compelled Chris to cancel writing the story. Chris has claimed that the Planet Dolan arc has already happened in the Sonichu canon, but he never explained what actually did happen, like how the crew got to Planet Dolan in the first place, what happened between them, and whether or not there was conflict.<ref>[[CLog 08142017 - More Positive Content]]</ref>

On 25 August, following [[BronyCon]], Chris posted a new cover of the issue, featuring his [[My Little Pony]]-inspired [[Night Star]] character. Other main characters are Diamond Melody, a character based on [[Jessica Quinn]], and [[Kun T’Nyuget]], [[Idea Guy]]'s character. He also stated that [[My Little Pony]] versions of the Chandler family will be involved in this issue.<ref>[[August 2017 Patreon posts#The Chandlers as ponies]]</ref>

[[File:Sonichu 12-9 book cover.jpg|thumb|150px|left|Final front and back covers.]]
Based on the new cover, Chris seems to have deviated from his usual [[Chris and art|Comic Sans]] font, switching to {{w|Mark Simonson|Proxima Nova}}. He had discussed wanting to [[Chris and money|purchase the font]] on [[Twitter]] after talking with someone he met at BronyCon.

One of the consequences of the Idea Guy saga was that Chris's perception of reality and fantasy had been distorted more than ever. This is reflected in the cover, which originally stated:

{{quote|This is a fan-fiction of My Little Pony. But, also side-canon to "Sonichu". But this story, and this unicorn, doesn't have to remain a fan-fiction; she could become canon. ;)}}

...and was then edited to:

{{quote|From the world of Equestria and My Little Pony. This is not only canon to "Sonichu", but these events all really did happen, period.}}

Chris finished the comic on 20 [[July 2018]]. The back cover is a piece of art Chris commissioned from artist Feather Shine<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1020481886202793984</ref>. For the record, Feather Shine didn't know he would do so but was fine with it upon finding out<ref>https://tweetsave.com/cowokie_pone/status/1020625776868233216</ref>.

This is the first comic to be available print-only. Chris posted 22 pages on [[Patreon]], then put the comic on hiatus to devote more time to the Idea Guy saga. Upon his return to the comic, Chris only posted black-and-white previews of select pages and mailed out the completed book to patrons. This is also the first comic where Chris dropped the episodic formatting done on the previous comics.

==Plot==
{{Protip|This is barely a ''Sonichu'' comic, focusing almost entirely on ponies.}}

The comic is split into four storylines.

===Night Star's backstory===
[[File:Sonichu12-9fanart.jpg|thumb|right|A more accurate interpretation of the ''[[Equestria Girls]]'' segment.]]
[[Night Star]] tells of her origin, born to [[Barb|Missus Sugar Darling]], an Earth mare, and [[Bob|Mister Gallop Crush]], a blue-printed Pegasus. She was born on the same day as [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic!Christine]] and also has "a bit of the [[autism]]" and shares his [[heterochromia]]. She shared thoughts and visions with the young Christopher, looking at him watching ''[[Ghostbusters]]''.

Night Star gains a cutie mark, and goes to school, learning how to hatch a dragon egg. she also perfects her "dimension magic and psychic skills", allowing her to travel to meet the [[Autobots]], [[Sailor Moon]], [[Red Skelton]], and many others. When Chris created [[Sonichu]] on [[Sonichu chronology#2000|14 March 2000]], Night Star soon found [[CWCville]] and produced pony versions of the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]].

Fast-forward to [[Sonichu chronology#2017|1 September 2017]]. Night Star attends Canterlot High School and can transform into a human and teleport. She meets [[Sonichu]] and travels to [[KCWC]] radio station to help [[Jamsta Sonichu]] prepare for a concert.

Returning to Ponyville, Night Star bumps into [[Comic Chris]]. Chris tries to ask out Diamond Melody. Pinkie Pie accidentally sucks herself into an [[S-Chu Ball]].

In the chemistry lab, Sunset Shimmer makes a permanent hair dye.

Night Star explains that Canterlot High is located near {{w|Foggy Bottom|Foggy Bottom, D.C.}}

===Relationship with Diamond Melody===
[[File:Bronycon2019-24.jpg|thumb|left|200px|"Yeah! Vinyl! Drop dat Bass!!!"]]
Night Star then tells of her meeting with Diamond Melody; they argue about whether Spitfire or Rainbow Dash is faster, and true to form, [[Chris and his ego|Night Star wins]]. They share a hot dog (from Tesco, who totally do not make their products out of their own kin). While enjoying their treat, [[Hyperdimension Neptunia|Nepgear]] makes a sudden appearance. The three exuberantly greet each other and decided to go to a [[DJ Pon-3]] concert.

Afterward, Night Star plans to go to Cwcville to visit her mother. Diamond Melody decided to come to Cwcville too, as a date. After getting Diamond accustomed to her human form, Night Star took her girlfriend across Cwcville, bought groceries for pie, and slept at her home. They continue their date, alternating between the human world and the pony world.

Sadly, their relationship would not last long as Diamond Melody would later meet her [[Jessica Quinn|human counterpart]]. Ashamed for being associated with a troll with a fat fetish, she moved away to Las Pegasus, never to see Night Star again. Night Star would mourn for days, with the last panel featuring Applejack and Twilight Sparkle coming to comfort her.

===Relationship with Kun===
[[File:KunT052818.jpg|thumb|left|200px|Lock up your daughters. There's a stud in town.]]
Some times later, we see Discord conversing with Night Star on what to do to [[Financhu Crisis|raise some money for Cwcville]]. Since Night Star is now on talking terms with the CPUs, Discord suggested holding an air race between the Pegasi and the CPUs. Night Star also suggests a footrace between the Earth Ponies and the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon. Content, Night Star would tell Comic Chris of the plan. Comic Chris would appear to add praise for Discord being a good bodyguard.

Weeks later, Night Star would go to the market to get more Zap Apples. While mulling over the state of her human counterpart and Cwcville, an impatient Pegasus colt asked how long the Zap Apple line would last. Night Star was immediately struck by his handsomeness. Coming back to her senses, she introduced herself to the colt. The colt would introduce himself as Kun Hanhphuc (Vietnamese for "Happiness", [[May_2018_social_media_posts#Kun_T.E2.80.99Nyuget|original name]] was retconned).

In a text wall, Kun explained how he got his name and cutie mark and his occupation at Canterlot's Technology Division. After buying their Zap Apple products from Applejack, Night Star would explain her powers and the tech back at Cwcville. Elated, the two would agree to meet at Cwcville to visit their engineering facility. Night Star used her Sonichu speed to return home to have [[Magi-Chan]] make an appointment for a tour of the General Electric Plant.

In their human forms, Night Star and Kun had a swell time in the plant. However, their tour was interrupted by the city's attack from Rei Ryghts, the CPU of Atari and the leader of the Seven Sages. Night Star transformed into her Sonichu form to save the city, leaving Kun behind. However, Kun, concerned about her safety, chased his girlfriend.

In the center of the battle, Rei fought against the Electric Hedgehog Pokemons and CWCville's defense force. With Cwcville's efforts made futile by Rei's defensive abilities, Night Star opened a void portal behind Rei, sucking her in. However, a second void portal opened underneath Night Star, sucking her in with Rei. Kun made it just in time to attempt to save his friend, but due to his human form, he failed. Magi-Chan, being the Deus ex Machina in Sonichu form, saved Kun before he too got sucked in and escorted him back to Canterlot High for him to return home.

Even in her mega-evolved form, Night Star was defeated and captured by Rei Ryghts. Rei would then force Night Star to use her powers to relocate Tari over Cwcville, throwing her overboard afterward. Again, Magi-Chan the Deus ex Machina Sonichu caught her, sending Night Star, who is now in a coma to a hospital. The other CPU goddesses somehow appeared and made short works out of Rei and sent Tari plummeting far from Cwcville.

Over the next three weeks, Kun would stay in Cwcville, studying at the GE and sharing Equestrian technology and visiting his now comatose heartsweet. Soon after, Kun was able to revolutionize cloning and memory restoration. Flash forward to 6 [[January 2018]], Night Star woke from her coma and Kun explained what happened. Kun would then her to his Cwcville apartment and later, back to Night Star's residence at Ponyville. They would live happily ever after since then.

===Cutie Map mission===
[[File:Night star and kun hanhphuc - 9 June 2018.png|thumb|right|200px|The intro to Act 4, as "chronicled" by Chris.]]
The final part takes place after the event of ''{{w|My Little Pony: The Movie (2017 film)|My Little Pony: The Movie}}''.

31 [[May 2018]], Night Star was enjoying a cup of coffee when she received a telepathic message from real-life Chris. In the middle of the psychic conversation, Night Star's cutie mark began to glow, which signified that a mission is on the way. Kun, whose cutie mark was also glowing too, came to Night Star, excited about the upcoming adventure.

Arriving at Kludgetown, Night Star makes a brief reference and promotion of the movie before heading out to a pub to meet [http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Captain_Celaeno Captain Celaeno].

As it turns out, Captain Celaeno has concerns over two of her crews, Pea-Tree and Squaker, who are now unusually distant to each other. When the three head out to Celaeno's ship, they meet up with Pea-Tree and Squaker. It is revealed that the two have conflicting opinions on [http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/The_Storm_King The Storm King], with Pea-Tree remembering him fondly and Squaker knowing of the villain's malicious intents. Now the mission is clear, they need to convince Pea-Tree that The Storm King is evil. However, there is a problem, the Storm King is dead and there are no records of him. Just as the two wonder what to do, [http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Tempest_Shadow#Unicorn Tempest Shadow] suddenly appears.

[[File:TempestShadow.jpg|thumb|left|200px|[[The Incredible Lioness|I am Tempest, hear me roar!]]]]
In exchange for a cut of the Storm King's loot, Tempest offers to provide the direction to his bases and coming with them. Arriving at the island, the three split up to search for damning evidence against him. Night Star found a mysterious ladder and Tempest found something more startling, her missing horn.

As Tempest slammed the drawer, she unknowingly activated a cage trap. Night Star called Kun to avoid it but got herself trapped. With Kun and Tempest being unable to lift the cage, Night Star simply opened a portal, and the three got out of the case.

Back at Celaeno's ship, Night Star and Kun pieced together all the information that the Storm King did indeed deceive Pea-Tree. It was also revealed that the Storm King's soldiers were the ones who found Tempest's broken horn in an Ursa Major's cave but kept it covered up by the order of the Storm King. Satisfied with her long-lost horn, Tempest left the duo. With the task finished, Night Star and Kun told Celaeno, who then ordered Pea-Tree and Squaker to report to her quarters. From the information, Celeano revealed to the two how he plans to bomb her and her crews if they betrayed him and ending with an anti-parrot remark. Shock by this, Pea-Tree took the records to read it for himself.

With the bombshell finally convincing Pea-Tree that the Storm King is indeed evil, he and Squaker finally reconcile. They then hugged each other and performed a [[homos|beak bump]]. Night Star and Kun also shared a kiss in victory. Content that the conflict is finally resolved, Captain Celaeno offered the pony couples to come the pub to celebrate.

The readers are then taken to Night Star's room, where she is working on her comic. While taking a brief stretch, she decided to call real life Chris to help her finish her comic. Chris then proceeded to use his power to come, transforming him into an Alicorn in the process. Chris then states his satisfaction with starting this comic, with Night Star agreeing with her creator. Kun also appeared so he will not be left out, which is ironic when he somehow disappears when Chris and Night Star transform into their Sonichu forms.

In the end, Chris provides possible teasers to [[Sonichu 16|Sonichu <s>14</s> 16]] and dedicates this comic to the wonderful people he met at [[BronyCon]].

==Comic pages==

<center>{{collapsible
|Comic pages
|<gallery perrow="5">
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</gallery>}}</center>

<center>{{collapsible
|A page from the abandoned ''Dolan'' crossover plot.
|<gallery perrow="3">
File:S13 1.jpeg
</gallery>}}</center>

==See also==
*[[Analysis of Sonichu 12-9]]
*[[Equestrian calendar]]

==References==
<references/>

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]
[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Diamond Melody

2020-12-19T06:23:37Z

Got2Hands:

{{quote|I'm a unicorn with Levitation and other powers; she's a pegasus; Please, Bronies and Pegasisters: Make us look as great as y'all can.|[[Chris and his Ego|Chris tries to get free art out of his fans]]<ref>[[September 2017 Facebook posts#Quinn as a MLP OC]]</ref>}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:DiamondMelody-cropped.jpg|200px|center]]
|-
! colspan="2" | Diamond Melody
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Significant others'''
| [[Night Star]] [[Christine Chan]]
|-
| '''Species'''
| [[My Little Pony|Pony (Pegasus)]] Human (''Equestria Girls'')
|-
|}

In [[September 2017]], while in the [[Chris and the Internet|virtual]] bosom of his new [[Sweetheart|sweetheart]], [[Jessica Quinn]], Chris inserted her into the world of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]''. In addition to [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|reinterpreting]] a [[Lovely Weather|previous character]], Chris created a ponysona named '''Diamond Melody'''. Melody appeared in [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]]; however, with Quinn's breakup with Chris and the eventual emergence of the [[Idea Guys]] in late 2017, Melody would be condemned to a single comic and be replaced with a new horse sweetheart, [[Kun T’Nyuget]].

==Background==
[[File:JessicaQuinnArt.jpg|left|thumb|125px|''Jessica'' by Chris.]]
By the time Chris and Jessica had started their relationship on 7 September 2017,<ref>[[Jessica Quinn#As a sweetheart]]</ref> Chris was already in production of his newest issue of ''Sonichu'', which he decided to base on ''[[My Little Pony]]''. Months prior, having attended [[BronyCon 2017]] with minimal problems, he had a new-found inspiration.

On 17 September, Chris published a drawing of [[Night Star]] paired with a new [[OC]]. Later that day, he posted a reference drawing of the new character, who bore the name "Diamond Melody".<ref>[[September 2017 Facebook posts#Quinn as a MLP OC]]</ref>

By early [[October 2017]], Chris and Jessica were no longer a couple.<ref>[[October 2017 Facebook posts#Quinn breaks up with Chris again]]</ref> Within that same month, the [[Idea Guys]] began to manipulate Chris – an influence which would [[Sonichu 13|gradually seep into the comic series canon]], especially with regards to Diamond Melody.
{{clear}}

==In the comic==
{{quote|Yes, we soon romped the hay together, Diamond Melody and I.|Chris' ponysona narrates<ref>[[:File:SchuComic12-9Page29.JPG]]
</ref>}}
[[File:SchuComic12-9Page22.jpg|thumb|left|150px|Can you {{w|2013 horse meat scandal|spot}} the [[Idea Guys]]' input?]]
In the first story of [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]], Night Star transforms [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic Chris]] into a more identical clone of herself – with the only distinguishing feature being a white skirt. She then guides her CWCville counterpart to the human Diamond Melody, who is across the campus chatting with [[Vinyl Scratch]] and another student. It is revealed that in Equestria, pony Diamond is Night Star Prime's sweetheart, which effectively guarantees ''white skirt'' a [[China|fair chance]].

Melody is approached by ''white skirt'', who instantly recognizes her newly transformed fellow student, and compliments [[Chris and art|her art style]]. After a brief conversation, they all decide to meet up at the [[McDonald's|cafe]] after school.

The second story chronicles Night Star's first meeting with Diamond Melody. Both ponies are lining up for a concert in Cloudsdale, where Vinyl Scratch is "headlining" {{w|Slayer}} (this is apparently a universe where an EDM artist and a thrash metal band share the same lineup at a gig).

After Night Star eavesdrops on Melody's conversation, she [[Chris and English|smooth talks]] her way in and neggs Melody on her taste in Equestrian sports, at which point the discussion descends into a long back and forth about the speed of Pegasi. After losing the argument, because of course, Melody invites Night Star to a {{w|Tesco}} food stand, where they share a hot dog.<ref>Editor's note: Implied cannibalism aside, Chris should be aware that the characters in MLP are herbivores.</ref> Shortly before they enter the concert, [[Hyperdimension Neptunia|Nepgear]] manifests next to the duo; they all discuss how to enter Equestria without morphing into a ponysona. Upon hearing of Night Star's [[TF2 Analysis|rapport with celebrities of many dimensions]], Melody gradually warms to Night Star.

Immediately after the concert, Star and Melody decide to have an impromptu date in [[CWCville]]. Melody initially struggles to walk on two legs, but Star eases her towards the notion. They visit a Tesco store, where they share anecdotes over ice cream. At the end of the day, the pair end up at the house of [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic Chris]] where [[Chris and sex|one thing eventually leads to another]].

Despite going on further dates, Night Star concludes that Melody's [[Earth 1218]] counterpart, Jessica Quinn, was doxed and unveiled as a [[Troll|troll]]. Carrying the burden of this truth, Melody was ashamed to be associated with Quinn, and could no longer feel at ease with Star; thus, she moved to Las Pegasus.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:Quinn pony.jpg|Reference drawing
File:Quinn CWC ponies.jpg|With Night Star
File:JessicaQuinnEquestriaGirl.jpg|As an Equestria Girl
</gallery></center>

==See also==
*[[My Little Pony]]
*[[Night Star]]
*[[Jessica Quinn]]
*[[Sonichu 12]] – which was also influenced by Jessica

==References==
<references/>

{{Sonichu}}
{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Category:Characters]]

Darling

2020-05-01T19:20:16Z

Got2Hands:

[[File:OpenLetter.jpg|thumb|Chris's justification for using "darling" and "dear".]]

"'''Darling'''", also spelt "'''Dahling'''", is a common term of affection noteworthy for its [[CWC-isms|idiosyncratic misuse by Chris]]. "'''Dear'''" is also used by him for the same purposes, albeit less commonly. While the term, when used by an adult male for an adult female, almost always carries [[Love Quest|romantic]] associations, Chris says that he uses it purely in a [[Friend zone|platonic manner]] and cannot understand why the objects of his affection find it creepy. It is possible that because Chris [[Tomgirl|sees himself as a woman]], he thinks he can escape the gendered meaning of the word, ignoring that an actual [[Gaybian|lesbian]] saying it to another woman would be only modestly less creepy.

"Darling" first appeared as Chris's default form of address for [[DoopieDoOver]], which most [[trolls]] and later Doopie herself recognized as Chris attempting to hit on a potential [[Sweetheart]]. Chris's incessant use of the term was a key factor in making Doopie feel uncomfortable with interacting with him and setting the stage for the climax of the Doopie Saga.

Chris later brought the term back, along with "dear", when interacting with Doopie's friend [[LadyOfTheCosmo]], who turned out to be much less tolerant of it than Doopie. She tried to convince Chris, to no avail, of the typical connotations of the words, only resulting in Chris [[Chris and remorse|obstinately continuing]] to address her with them. Lady's patience with this unraveled rapidly to the point of simply cursing at Chris, before he unfollowed her and she blocked him. Chris then used his [[Night Star|sockpuppet account]] to roleplay the "proper" use of the term.

He has also used it on [[Tabitha St. Germain]].

Chris uses ''both'' "darling" and "dear" to refer to [[Barb|his mother]]. His [[MLP]]-inspired character of her is named Sugar Darling. He is heard addressing her as "dear" in an [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04142017|April 2017 Captain's Log]], and [[Clare Porter]] has further mentioned that he addressed Barb that way over the phone.

Chris thinks that his use of the term is justified as the late actress Tallulah Bankhead used it liberally in movies. He wrote about this in a letter addressed to LadyOfTheCosmo. However, what Chris fails to consider is that unlike himself, Bankhead was an attractive woman who only used the terms as such while on set.

{{Collapsible|Open Letter transcript|{{quotebox|Open Letter:

Something that grinds my gears is how people are Not accepting of the neutral terms "darling" or "dear". I use one or the other as a neutral addressing, inlieu of the various online nicknames, or actual names in general, when that detail is unknown, or when the other person is too distant to trust me, yet, on addressing them by their name. I Swear, if Tallulah Bankhead were alive today, she would never put up with such disrespectful responses. That is all for now, "Dahling."

Hmpf!

Christine W. Chandler}} }}

==See also==
*[[Sweetheart]]
*[[Chris and kindness]]
*[[Chris and socialization]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Random-access humor

2020-02-07T10:29:38Z

Got2Hands: He actually did say it like this.

: '''random-access''' ''n.''
:: 1. ''(computing)'' type of storage access where arbitrary data can be accessed, as opposed to sequential access (q.v.). ''See also'' random-access memory.
::''adj.''
:: 2. ''(CWCism)'' non-sequiturial; lacking any coherence.
: '''humor''' ''n.''
:: 1. Something funny.
:: 2. ''(CWCism)'' Something not funny, but which can be made funny when accessed randomly (q.v.). ''See'' random-access.

[[Image:Wild_Snergen_Flergen.jpg|thumb|[[Wild Sonichu]] offers some uproarious random-access humor]]

'''Random-access humor''' is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]]'s [[CWC-isms|terminology]] for his tendency to blurt out whatever random thought enters his mind, regardless of its relevance to a given situation. More traditional literary analysts might describe this as the literary device of [[Wikipedia:Non sequitur (literary device)|''non sequitur'']]. The "humor" part of the phrase stems from Chris's assumption that if he says something completely irrelevant and random, then it is automatically funny, when most of the time it's completely nonsensical and infuriatingly ''un''funny. At this moment, the strongest portrayal of Chris's random-access humor can be found in his [[CWCFlyingElephants]] video.

Like many of Chris's strange mannerisms, this is likely linked to his [[autism]]; a common symptom among autistics is echolalia, where they constantly repeat phrases from their favorite television shows, movies, and video games, regardless of whether they fit the current situation. Chris just so happens to take this to ridiculous levels.

Ironically enough, Chris's random-access humor is often [[Things Chris has ripped off|unoriginal]]. Jokes are mostly taken from [[Adult Swim]] shows, ''[[Monty Python|Monty Python's Flying Circus]]'', ''[[Family Guy]]'', or even shows like [[Wikipedia:Ed, Edd 'n Eddy|''Ed, Edd n Eddy'']] and [[Wikipedia:Samurai Pizza Cats|''Samurai Pizza Cats'']], taking them completely out of context. He fails to understand the purpose of these jokes. For example, Monty Python's comedy was sculpted specifically to satirize British culture of their era and not simply random-for-the-sake-of-random. This shows that, even when Chris doesn't have to make any sense, he still has a hard time coming up with original material. When Chris ''is'' original, it's mostly in the form of childish rhymes or wordplays that would make [[wiki:Lewis Carroll|Lewis Carroll]] roll in his grave (his sex joke anyone?). This is due to Chris being a [[Autism papers|"somewhat concrete"]] thinker, having a tough time understanding abstract concepts (including humor). Because of his linear thinking, he has the tendency to take jokes literally (e.g. [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] told Chris a joke about [[Barack Obama|Obama]] painting the White House black if he won the 2008 election).

One occasion of note is a line in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], wherein [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], after being commanded to retreat, retorts with "You don't have to tell me twice! But during the stone age...". According to the [[Sonichu 2 Official Videobook|comic's official videobook]], the joke is that "you really need to tell those cavemen twice," but Chris fails to realize that as the "joke" is written in the comic, there is literally ''nothing'' to interpret as funny by any standard. This isn't too surprising, since Chris has never shown interest in clarity for the audience, and simply makes the comics for his own sake.

The randomosity is also questionable in that the allegedly random jokes are also frequently repeated; Chris keeps ''re-telling'' the same jokes that weren't funny in the first try. (For example, if you are a confused foreigner who has no idea what "Nantucket" is, ''you will Google it soon.'') Chris has specifically stated he actually fears things that are beyond his control,<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:DariaCamacho User talk:DariaCamacho]</ref> a fear which falls nicely in line with [[autism]].

Chris also uses the term "random-access memory", which is basically when he says something completely random without the intent of being funny. He tends to use these when a conversation is not going in a direction he wants it to and hopes that interjecting this other thought-line will briefly distract him from that.

{{quote|Well, just like a computer, my brain is random. It picks up memories at random. I cannot simply access them sometimes, even though, most of the time, I can. But sometimes I can't, and they later come back to me at random.|Chris during the [[Father Call]], showing off his mad computer science and neuroscience skills}}

==Random ramblings==
[[File:DaftPunk.jpg|thumb|right|[[Hanky-panky|Chris is up all night to get lucky.]]]]

In November [[2007]], in a misguided attempt to help [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] to get to know him better and stop trolling him, Christian added the following to his ED page:

<blockquote>
----

Each Brain in every person in the world is a computer, complete with an InfiniteGB RAM...Emphasis on Random, and our [[Christian Weston Chandler|Autistic Hero]] is no exception. Here are some of his ramblings that can make him comparable to the TV-Talking-styles of those retarded robots, the [[Transformers Generation 1|Junkeons]], who got it from watching too much TV.

{{quote| -"Carrots are good for your eyes, can it dial a phone?"<ref>Originally said by Ed; originated from ''Ed Edd n Eddy'' episode [http://www.tv.com/ed-edd-n-eddy/one-plus-one-equals-ed/episode/117706/summary.html "One Plus One Equals Ed"]</ref>
 -"[[Autism_papers#MENTAL_STATUS_EXAM:|Uncle Spunky is a really funky monkey]]."
 -"[[Yellow Is a Mellow Color]]."
 -"All aboard, here we go, let's go...somewhere else."
 -"[[CWCFlyingElephants|I once knew a man from Nantucket, and he had on his head a silly bucket.]]"
 -"I'm gonna call my lawer, his name is Tom Seywer, he has a daughter named Sue, who has been visiting her Uncle Sam for many years. Poor Tom."
 -"I knew a nose from the Pocanose, but then he ran away to Snotsvillvania."
 -"Quiet everybody, Emperor Fred has an announcement...FRED."<ref>From the US-dubbed version of ''Samurai Pizza Cats''. Emperor Fred only said his name because he had "his wisdom teeth removed".</ref>
 -"[[BILLY MAYS|Call 'Right Now']], and we'll send you a beautiful girl to be your [[Sweetheart]], FREE. But you'd better call 'Right Now', or otherwise you'll get bupkis. And believe me, you do not want bupkis. Welcome to Bupkistown."
 -"Welcome to the Novelty Shop, this is [[Bob Chandler|Bob]], how can I help you?...Okay, we can do that."
 -"Well get out of [[List of places that have banned Chris|here]]. What are you waiting on? [[Jerkop|I]]'m gonna chase you outta here."<ref>Originally said by Meatwad; originated from ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]'' episode [http://athf.frostillusions.net/transcripts/oldrippy.html "Ol' Drippy"]</ref>
 -"[[HippoOnYourHead|You've got a Hippo on your head.]]"
 -"[[Transformers]]. Robots on your head. Okay."
 -"I'm upside-down in a car, drivin' my way to the grocery store."<ref name="brak"> From [[Adult Swim|''The Brak Show'']] episode [http://members.fortunecity.com/brakshow/newbrak.html "The New Brak"]</ref>
 -"I have bow-ties on my feet, I must be walking with my neck."<ref name="brak"/>
 -"Root-de-do-de-do. Stop saying 'Root-de-do-de-do,' that's my bit, get your own. Oh, okay, how about 'Spling-ling, bling-ling, splee-de-de-le-deee?'"<ref name="brak"/>
 -"What? Pod six doesn't need a Pro Shop, they [[fangs|need a dentist]].<ref>''Sealab 2021'' episode "Legend of Baggy Pants" (Pod Six was another pod that was part of the lab. Captain Murphy referred to them as "[[JERKS|jerks]]")</ref>"
 -"Is this [[Wes Iseli|Walter Grisby]]? Who threw a frisbee? [[Chris Loses It|Well you know what]]?"
 -"I Watch TOO MUCH FUCKING TELEVISION!!!"

|Chris-Chan|}}

----
</blockquote>

== References ==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Punchy Sonichu]] - A fighting electric hedgehog Pokémon who is explicitly stated to be the master of RAH, but has only shown it [[SonichuBabies|once]] to date.
*[[Monty Python]] - Actual masters of RAH, whom Chris unsuccessfully tried to emulate.
*[[CWCFlyingElephants]] - RAH at its worst.
*[[I Got A Fish]]
*[[Bunny Hop]]
*[[Yellow is a Mellow Color]]
*[[Christian's sex joke]] - A staple of Chris's repertoire.

{{CWC-isms}}
{{Mannerisms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Mannerisms]]
[[Category:Things Chris likes]]

2014 house fire

2019-12-31T00:35:03Z

Got2Hands:

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{Quote|FIRE! 2:00 AM. [[Jerkop|911]] arrived ten minutes later. Did everything they could; started downstairs; [[Mass debating|bathroom]]; electrical; made it to the roof. Considering EVERYTHING, but [[Barbara Chandler|my mom]], [[Clover and Snoopy|both dogs]], [[Chris|me]], and [[Chandler Cats|Lucy]] and my [[iDea Book Case|iPhone]], shoes, clothes, whatnot on our backs made it out... Considered physically lost.|Chris, 10 January 2014}}

On 10 [[January 2014]], [[14 Branchland Court]], [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville, Virginia]] was devastated by '''an early morning fire'''. Chris first mentioned it on [[Facebook]], and it was confirmed later that day when [[Charlottesville]]'s local CBS affiliate, WCAV-TV, broadcast a brief news report on the incident.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Fire at 14 Branchland Court
| video = {{#ev:youtube|qkYnMRh26Oo}}
}}

==The Fire==
Shortly after the fire, leaked emails and Facebook posts from Chris helped set up his version of the timeline of events that fateful night. Naturally, what we heard from Chris and what was written in the official fire report obtained months later were quite different. Chris initially claimed that the fire started around 2:00 A.M.; however, the official report states that the 911 call wasn't received until 2:44 A.M. This is in line with what WCAV reported as well.

===Chris's Timeline of Events===
*'''2:00 EST''': According to Chris, this was approximately when the fire began.
*'''2:00-2:10''': Chris claimed that a fire extinguisher was present or was retrieved, and that there was an attempt to extinguish the fire, which ultimately failed. After the failed attempt to extinguish the fire, Chris evacuated the household, along with Barbara and the Chandler pets. Sometime during this period, emergency services were called.
*'''2:10''': Local firefighters arrive at the scene.

===Actual Timeline of Events===
[[File:14 Branchland Court on Fire - Copy.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris's house on fire. This photo is believed to have been taken around 4:00 A.M., more than an hour after the fire started.]]
The official fire report states that Chris's 911 call was actually [[Chris and reality|received at 2:44 A.M.]] and that fire personnel were on scene about 15 minutes later. WCAV stated the fire started around 3:00am. Almost immediately, the fire department asked for additional support to help fight the fire. The fire was put out by 6 A.M., and the scene was cleared by 7:00 A.M.

*'''2:45''': Dispatch tones 4 fire stations (Dyke, Ruckersville, Standardsville Fire, and Greene County Rescue Squad.) Dispatch relays "Fire in the downstairs bathroom."
*'''3:01''': Dispatcher relays that a lot of smoke is coming from the basement and flames are visible at the top of the steps.
*'''3:01''': Engine 11 requests Orange Company provide additional manpower.
*'''3:05''': Engine 21 is on scene and reports heavy smoke.
*'''3:06''': Engine 11 is on scene.
*'''3:13''': BVille (Burtonville?) Fire has been called for support.
*'''3:37''': Command requests dispatch contact the power company.
*'''3:45''': The fire has been burning for at least an hour at this point.
*'''3:47''': Station 2 is called for additional manpower.
*'''3:53''': Station 1 is called for additional manpower.
*'''4:05''': Heavy fire coming through roof.
*'''4:07''': Command requests Hollymead for additional manpower.
*'''4:45''': The fire has been burning for about two hours at this point.
*'''4:47''': Madison County contacted for additional personnel.
*'''5:00''': Rescue 401 leaves scene to transport one patient (Probably the injured firefighter) to Martha Jefferson Hospital.
*'''5:22''': Chris first breaks the news about the house fire on Facebook. He commented twice on the post in quick succession, lamenting the loss of personal belongings and the memories of his home, as well as stating he was able to salvage his mother's medication and his wallet. At the time of the posting, he was boarding with a generous neighbor.
*'''5-57-7:11''': All the remaining units on-scene are cleared to return to their stations.
*'''7:10''': Chris posted an angry comment on [[Wikipedia:Keurig|Keurig]]'s Facebook page, producer of the coffee brewer, blaming faulty wiring in the product for creating the spark that created the fire. Chris then admitted to operating the coffee brewer within the bathroom after responding to a comment from his friend [[William Elliott Waterman]], who vainly tried to calm Chris down and not seek vengeance so soon after the fire.
*'''7:30''': Sunrise.
*'''Later''': An e-mail from Chris is released giving more information about the event. It is revealed that Chris and Barbara were allowed to enter the house and retrieve [[Lego|necessities]] for living from the house, and are currently receiving [[Rental House|accommodation]] from their insurer while investigation and "repairs" are conducted.

<center>{{collapsible
|Fire Report
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:FireReport001.jpg
File:FireReport002.jpg
</gallery>}}</center>

There is no official word as to the cause of the fire, but the person who leaked the above fire report documents claims that it was caused by a spark from an extension cord run through the bathroom door, the plastic coating of which had worn away.<ref>http://cwckiforums.com/threads/fire-report-docs.4849/#post-337450</ref> Chris admitted to [[Catherine]] that he was using an extension cord in the bathroom to plug in a Keurig coffee maker located in an adjacent room. The cord was looped over the top of the door, and the friction caused by the motion of the door had abraded the cord, starting the fire. Chris claimed that the brewer was off when the fire started, although he admitted that [[Honor roll|it wasn't unplugged]]. Why the Chandlers had an extension cord running out of the bathroom to plug in a coffee maker is anyone's guess, but it probably has something to do with Barb's hoarding. It is worth noting that in [[Tour of Chris's House II|Chris's second video tour of his home]], coffee cups are spotted around his bathroom sink, suggesting that the bathroom has become the primary source of water. Said video also shows the blatant fire hazard that was his home, with piles of paper and plastic inside a barely standing structure of dry wood.

==Victims and survivors==
Chris reports that he, his mother, and his pets Clover, Snoopy and Lucy escaped the blaze unharmed. Unfortunately, one of his cats was killed in the blaze, and was discovered by the cleaners. Chris buried the cat in the backyard. It was initially unknown whether it was Scamper or Kitty, until [[CatKnight Interview 3|February 2016]] when Chris confirmed [[Chandler_Cats#Scamper|Scamper]] was the one who had died due to smoke inhalation. It's unknown what happened to the other cat before the fire, but it is likely that this death gives Chris nowhere near as much pain as the death of [[Patti Chandler|Patti]] did.

According to the news report, one of the firefighters suffered minor, unspecified injuries while putting out the fire. Considering how difficult it had been for Chris to navigate his junk-ridden hallways, it is likely that, in the rush to fight the fire, one firefighter may have tripped over the clutter or initiated an avalanche of [[navy]]-coated bric-a-bracs. Chris told Catherine and Al that firefighters were unable to enter the house through either door because of the hoard, and had to climb in through windows.

=== Firefighters ===
Unlike the local police departments of Greene County, Chris has historically been ambivalent towards firefighters. However, in the aftermath of the house fire, Chris and his mother both apparently blame the "greedy firefighters" for the absence of some of their personal possessions (which included a cheap knock-off painting and Barb's purse), effectively accusing them of theft. This information was revealed in an [[Misc_E-mails#Greedy_Firefighter|email]] leak after the incident. Insinuating that one of the brave and selfless firefighters who saved his home openly [[Chris and his Ego|stole from him]], especially when there were no grounds whatsoever for his implications, was a new low even for Chris. Once again, Chris showed complete ingratitude for anyone who tries to help him. Only time will tell if the Ruckersville Fire Department will again play a major part in Chris's pathetic life.

==Extent of destruction==
[[File:14305011100_debcde366f_b.jpg|thumb|Photo of the melted Lego Manchester High School, taken within the house on 11 Jan 2014.]]

It can be rightfully assumed that the Chandlers escaped with little more than the clothes on their backs. Chris wrote that he was able to save his wallet, Barb's medication, some clothes and shoes, and his iPhone (as shown in [[Brushfire Video|a later video uploaded through YouTube Capture]]). Soon after the fire, Chris was also observed on [[Miiverse]], not to mention he eventually bought ''Super Mario Maker'', heavily implying that he managed to save his Wii U and possibly at least one of his [[3DS]]'s. He could have also acquired another Wii U, but this is unlikely. He was also seen on his PSN, showing that he either still had his [[PS3]], or that he promptly acquired another (also unlikely.) He even had his old [[PSEye]].

In a [[Reaching Out to Game Developers.|video]] uploaded on 19 [[November 2015]], Chris shows off his [[Scrapbook of Fail]], confirming the fire did not destroy all of the original ''[[Sonichu]]'' comics and artwork.

Chris stated on Facebook that everything else was "considered physically lost." However, he later revealed to Catherine that his mother had rented a storage unit to hold items which had been recovered from the house. Al and Catherine also noted that the rental house was piled high with boxes and trash. As is typical of hoarders, Barb probably decided that much that was burned or water-damaged was actually salvageable.

A troll visited the house two days after the fire, and found that while the exterior structure of the house appeared largely intact, there was apparently sufficient damage to the roof that it had to be covered over with plastic cladding. Some of the exterior wood paneling had also warped and twisted, presumably due to being near where the fire was burning at its strongest, though due to the house's exact layout being unknown, it's hard to say where exactly this was. The house's windows had been boarded over (as is standard in house fires of this kind), making it impossible to get any exact details on the house's interior condition.

It is unclear to what extent Chris's personal possessions survived the flames. The [[Lego]] [[Manchester High School|High School]] escaped only partially melted, and he was able to use some of the smokey pieces to reconstruct the structure. He also employed his creative [[geinus]] to build a [[ReBrick#Billboard Person from Melting Chaos|surprisingly-original sculpture]] out of the damaged pieces. Two copies of his [[Manchester High School|high school]] yearbooks survived, albeit with smoke and water damage. At least one of his [[Pixelblocks]] creations and a [[medallion]] survived. In reply to a comment on his [[eBay]] auction of his autographed photos, Chris claimed that the [[Chris and fashion|"Classic" shirt]] was lost in the flames; however, three years later, he [[eBay#The Classic shirt|revealed]] the shirt had in fact survived, albeit badly damaged. He also confirmed that his Nintendo GameCube was a goner as well. No word yet on [[the Wall of Originals]], Chris's other [[Chris and art|art]], the [[Crumple-Lope]], the [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|''Sailor Moon'' poster]], the portal to [[CWCville]], the [[Attraction Sign]]s, the [[Heart Torch of Fail|Heart Torch]], and the [[Plush Breasts]]. Large numbers of schoolbooks and documents also survived the fire, but were thrown away once the renovations began.

Over the year, Chris bought multiple Lego sets to replace those lost. He also bought uncut ''Sailor Moon'' DVDs to replace the ones he gifted to Megan some seven years prior.

During the video [[Lesbian Sleepover Party Announcement.]], one of the oldest Christorical artifacts, the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] totem/figure from Chris's [[Graduation]], was shown to have survived the fire.

On [[April 2017]] it was revealed that another famous Christorical artifact, [[The Classic]] survived the fire. However, it suffered from severe water damage. Despite that, it did not prevent Chris from trying to sell it on [[eBay]] and, when it didn't find a buyer, wearing it himself to special events.

==Aftermath and reaction==
In one of the most interesting and significant events regarding Chris's <s>fan</s>trollbase, a care package was put together from online donations, initially pooling a few hundred dollars in a matter of hours. The total amount in donations was worth almost a thousand American dollars<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/fire-relief-fund.2855/page-12#post-169127</ref> and consisted of basic necessities with a few amenities thrown in (markers, paints and modeling stuff).

After being sent an incident occurred when a [[weening|troll]] used the tracking number that was posted on the Internet to have the package returned midway. The package was eventually held at a post office in [[Charlottesville]] and withdrawn by the Chandlers. Chris made a [[Facebook]] post about it, thanking those involved before -- ever the picture of gratitude -- diverging to express his distaste for the [[CWCki]]. A note was sent alongside the goods:

<blockquote>Hey Chris!

Your Sonichu friends have heard about the house fire, and to help you out we put together a care package as CWC as we could! In a few days, 34 donated and collected over $900 towards getting this stuff out to you!
Since your bathroom is where it started, I’ve focused on buying toiletries and hygienic stuff to keep you clean and healthy as you recover from the damages. I could not spend all the money collected, so I’ve also included a money order for $500 that you should give to your mother. She can cash it out and buy whatever you guys need to keep chugging. Don’t forget to get something nice for your pets, too!

I know you often feel that life is hopeless, but there’s good in the world and in people. I hope this package helps you see that. No person on the Internet can ever take away your right to be happy. You must find reasons to enjoy life, even when there are enemies trying to bring you down.

I’ve included some arts and crafts to help you take your mind off things. I think your fans would really like to see what you come up with, because it’s been a very long time since we’ve seen anything new from you. Try to create something that makes you happy and that you can be proud of.

Good luck with everything, Chris. Keep hate out of your heart and look forward to each day.
We will be around if you need us.
</blockquote>

<center><gallery>
[[File:Example.jpg]]
Carepackage box.jpg|Care package.
carepackage_contents.jpg|Its contents.
carepackage_letter.jpg|Note.
carepackage_facebook.png|Chris's update on Facebook.
</gallery></center>

A note by Chris that was posted on the website of the [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]] attest that the church had also provided donations to the Chandlers in response to the house fire.<ref>[https://archive.is/9iIi1#selection-343.0-347.9 Thanks to All from the Chandlers]</ref>

==The Return of Chris's House==
On 3 [[December 2014]], Chris announced that 14 Branchland Court was being reconstructed, and by [[January 2015]] he was safely moved back in. Between those dates, however, he was forced to briefly stay at [[26 December 2014|Albemarle Regional Jail]]. Chris's newer videos show small areas of the now-renovated house - Chris's room, whilst still full of boxes of clutter and other things, has been repainted in magnolia and has had the wooden cladding removed, making the room look much lighter and less claustrophobic, for example. In addition, with the fire destroying much of the hoard, the building as a whole is in a much more sound condition, although only time will tell as to how long this will last.

==See also==
* [[January 2014 Facebook Posts]] - Facebook posts Chris posted about the house fire.
* [[Misc E-mails]] - E-mails exchanged between Chris and his classmates about the house fire.
* [[Rental House]] - The Chandlers' temporary household after the incident.
* [[Chris and journalism]]

==References==
<references/>

[[Category:Chris's house]]

Christian Weston Chandler

2019-12-28T06:13:21Z

Got2Hands: Hedgehogs are insectivores.

:''This article is about Chris himself... it is his article and nothing less! For the "Sonichu" character, see [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]]. For other uses, see [[Christian Weston Chandler (disambiguation)]]. ''
:''"Christian" redirects here. For our hero's view on Christianity, see [[Chris and religion]].''

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Honest}}

{{quote|I am the [[Slow-in-the-minds|high-functioning]] [[autism|autistic]] person who was heavily [[stress|emotionally damaged]], [[Chris and art|artistic]] [[Things Chris has ripped off|inspiration]] lost with [[Chris and his Ego#Paranoia|paranoia]], [[BlueSpike|deception]], [[Jack Thaddeus|blackmail]] and [[Death threats|plain hurtful words]] from those bottom-feeding [[Trolls]]. I am the hand-drawing original [[Chris and copyright|creator]] of [[sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]] and the city of [[CWCville|Cwcville]], [[Virginia]], [[United States of America|USA]].|[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|KookyDashy]], aka Chris<ref>
[http://web.archive.org/web/20110804190802/http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=57&start=10 Re: We've been found AND mocked horribly! :( ] - The Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia post where Chris reveals himself (archive from 4 Aug 2011)</ref>}}

{{infobox
| title = Chris Chandler
| image = [[File:CWCspread cropped.jpg|250px|center]] [[File:Cwc bronycon 2017 1.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Christopher Weston Chandler (1982–[[Christopher's name change|1992]]) Christian Weston Chandler ([[Christopher's name change|1992]]–2016) Christine Weston Chandler (2016–2018) Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu (2018–present, not a legal name change)
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = Chris-chan CWC [[Spanish|Ricardo]] [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo|RWC]] [[Sonichu (character)|Father]] [[Sonichu (character)|Pop]] [[Rosechu (character)|Papa]] [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] [[Liquid Saga|Solid Chris]] [[JenkinsJinkies|Junior Jenkins]] [[Carlos Chantor]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|KookyDashy]] [[Jackie E-mails 24|Kaka Apple Chrissy]] [[CWCki Forums|paintingatree]] [[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's|Stephanie Bustcakes]] [[Night Star]] [[CPU Blue Heart]] [[Kiwi Farms|LegendaryChristorian]] [[CWCki Forums|OPL (Our Pet Lolcow)]] [[Internet Dream Lounge|Natalie Portman]] [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children| Grandma Christine]]
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = [[Birthday|24 February 1982]] (age {{Age|1982|2|24}})
|label5 = Gender
|data5 = Male (1982–2011) Tomgirl (2011–2014) [[Transgender|Transwoman]] (2015–present)
|label6 = Nationality
|data6 = [[United States|American]]
|label7 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data7 = White (1/8th "[[Cherokian]]")
|label8 = Height
|data8 = 5'11" (1.80 m)<ref>[[https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1084128581360513025]]</ref>
|label9 = Weight
|data9 = [[WeighIn|209 lbs. (94.8 kg)]]<ref>[[https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1084128581360513025]]</ref>
|label11 = Father
|data11 = [[Bob Chandler|Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.]] (1927–2011)
|label12 = Mother
|data12 = [[Barbara Chandler]] (1941–present)
|label13 = Siblings
|data13 = [[Cole Smithey]] (half-brother) [[David Alan Chandler]] (half-brother) [[Carol Chandler]] (half-sister)
|label14 = Education
|data14 = [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] ([[CADD]])
|label15 = Occupations
|data15 = Freelance comic book artist ([[Lulu|self-published]]) Video game designer (unpublished) [[Wendy's]] employee ([[2001]]) [[Cutco]] salesman ([[2003]]) [[Carlos Chantor|Male escort]] ([[2010]], unpaid) Entrepreneur, [[Chris and business|Cwcville Shopping]] ([[2014]]–[[2016]]) [[Stephanie Bustcakes|Prostitute]] ([[2016]], unpaid)
|label16 = Spouse(s)
|data16 = [[Cryzel Rosechu]], [[Magi-Chan Sonichu]] (m. March 2018) [[Sylvana]] Rosechu and [[Mewtwo]] (m. June 2018)<ref>[[:File:Miss Cherry asks Chris about his marriages.png]]</ref>
|label17 = Titles
|data17 = Mrs. Christine W. Chandler Sonichu Sonichu Creator Chronicler of Sonichu & Rosechu [[Hyperdimension Neptunia|CPU Goddess]] of the Nations of [[Cwcville]], Comma, and the [[Commodore 64|Commodore Consoles]]<ref>https://archive.fo/v5aVW</ref>
}}

<s>'''[[Christopher]]'''</s> <s>'''Christian'''</s> '''[[Tomgirl Saga|Christine]] Weston Chandler''' (born on 24 February [[1982]]), also known as '''Chris-Chan''', is a 37-year-old autistic, [[Therapeutic Docket|mentally ill]] <s>manchild</s> lesbian transwoman, former [[virgin with rage]], and [[Things Chris has ripped off|creator]] of the infamous [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]].

In late [[2007]], he became [[Internet]]-famous when he caught the attention of [[4chan]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. Initial fascination was spurred on by his signature homemade [[Sonichu medallion]], his [[Chris and art|childlike artwork]] featuring his unoriginal Sonic recolor, and his history of loitering in [[Attraction Locations|public places]] while literally holding up a [[sign]] asking women to talk to him. His reaction to the ensuing mockery led to a spiral of ever greater scrutiny of his life, [[Chris and...|revealing more disturbing facts about him]].

==Overview==
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|left|[[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|An infamous image Chris drew of himself enjoying a soda in 2 ways.]]]]

Chris is a timid, autistic, {{age|1982|2|24}}-year-old self-identified transwoman with delusional tendencies who has been allowed - by his parents, [[Barbara Chandler]] and the deceased [[Bob Chandler]] - to eternally live like a child, amassing [[toys]] and [[video games]] into a single [[room]] in his parents' [[14 Branchland Court|house]]. Even into his thirties, he is so comfortable in his protected existence that he refuses to conform to the norms of society, even as the need for independence becomes more dire as his mother's health fails. Chris regularly demonstrates having trouble with acceptable [[Love Quest|public]] [[Chris and the Law#2013|behavior]], recognizing when he needs to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|use the washroom]], and using his time to [[Sonic Boom Protests|contribute]] [[Dimensional Merge|to]] [[Twitter|society]] in any [[Chris's resume|meaningful way]]. Although the public school system forced Chris to face reality, graduation has allowed Chris to stay indoors and avoid taking part in typical civilian activities. Due to this avoidance of the outside world, Chris hasn't held a steady [[Chris's resume|job]] [[Wendy's|since 2001]] (commissions and multi-level marketing aside), and he hasn't been employed for more than a few months in his whole life. It is likely Chris will never get a job again thanks to Patreon, the tugboat, the <s>begging</s> generous donations, and the fact he has flat out said his autism prevents him from getting a job. Chris has had shockingly few meaningful relationships with people in a social setting outside of his parents, although he does manage to make friends with people who share his interests in nerd and LGBT culture<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/what-will-happen-when-barb-dies.10000/page-96#post-1853572</ref>.

[[File:Chris BronyCon18 with Sonichu.jpg|thumb|left|250px|Chris in [[July 2018]], posing with a fan cosplaying as Sonichu at [[BronyCon]].]]

Chris is completely obsessed with his character [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and the associated [[comic]], to the point that he has hand-crafted several [[medallions]] in Sonichu's shape. Between February [[2004]] and [[March 2010]], Chris was rarely seen or photographed without one of these totems, even wearing them in his [[:Image:License.jpg|driver's license photo]] and to his [[college]] graduation. At the same time, he is absolutely convinced that everyone wants to learn all about Sonichu, and that the only reason [[Nintendo]], Sega, and [[Sony]] haven't approached him about making Sonichu games is that they're either trying to be tough negotiators, or that his chances are being ruined by trolls working in the companies. The medallion returned in [[September 2010]]. For awhile Chris had been upkeeping an eBay shop where he would make and sell these medallions, including Sonichu, Rosechu, Blake, and even custom character options. These were sold for $30 a piece. After the eBay shop became a mild success he moved to Etsy, however, his laziness got the best of him and he lost the shop after nine months in business, due to failing to fulfill orders.

Chris used to absolutely hate [[homos|gay men]], and communicated this with such intensity that observers were easily convinced he was simply terrified of becoming gay himself. He cannot bear to look at another man's [[pickle|penis]], and he stared at [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|a ''Sailor Moon'' poster]] to keep himself straight.<ref>[[Chris Destroys His Vibrator]]</ref> Chris' words do not always align with his actions; throughout his early Internet history, he appeared to be deeply insecure about his gender and sexuality. Even prior to his gender transition, he has [[recycling|swallowed his own semen]], [[Sports bra photo series|worn a bra]], and only reined in his [[Tomgirl Pictures|tendency to proudly cross-dress]] because his elderly mother intensely disapproved. While these actions do not indicate homosexuality outright, they do question the validity of Chris's own judgements on his sexual orientation. Surprisingly, however, his homophobia seemed to have little basis in his religious beliefs, as he had not noticed Leviticus 18:22, which condemns homosexuality, until he saw it on a 2009 episode of ''[[Family Guy]]''.<ref>[[CWC with Bible - Leviticus]]</ref> However, his homophobia didn't extend to lesbians, whom he "partially [en]courages" and is even aroused by. Over time, Chris dropped his homophobic tendencies, [[Apology for past homophobic comments and homophobia.|apologized in 2015]]. In [[2018]], the [[Idea Guys]] [[brainwashed]] Chris into identifying as bisexual.

His adult life has been largely defined by his goals of developing his webcomic ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' into a hit media franchise, his [[Love Quest]] to obtain a "[[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]], 18-[''his current age'']-year old, caring, [[tobacky|smoke-free]], non-[[alcohol]]ic [[Chris and race|white]] girl" to make into a "[[sweetheart from the ground-up]]," and, beginning from 2011, his gender identity as a [[tomgirl]] and later a lesbian transwoman.

{{clear}}

== Early life ==
In 24 February 1982, Chris was born to Robert and Barbara Chandler. He was born in the [[United States]], specifically in the state of [[Virginia]], and of course, is a citizen of the US. Not much was known about Chris in his toddler years, but the signs of autism didn't creep up until he was older. At the time, he was a pretty normal kid.

===Childhood and adolescence===
[[Image:Lapse.gif|left]]

[[Image:0147-CWCsMilkcapsAcrossTime.jpg|240px|thumb|The evolution (or decay, depending upon how you see things) of Chris-chan... in a [[Wikipedia:Pogs|pog]] form (yes, those are homemade pogs). Top: Chris '94, '95, '96. Bottom: '97, '98', '99.]]

Chris claims his first word, "monkey", was spoken at 6 weeks old,<ref name="Wikipedia early">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> and he remains proud of this feat into his thirties regardless of how obviously unlikely and physically impossible it is to be true – the language centers in the human brain literally cannot grasp English at 6 weeks, disregarding infantile vocal chords.

An [[abusive babysitter]], who was alone with Christopher every day for years,<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> allegedly locked him in a room at an early age.<ref name="Wikipedia early" /> Chris apparently misses the irony in the fact that he now locks himself in a room. He once identified this confinement as the source of his autism. Between the ages of 1 and 7, Chris did not speak at all, and had to visit [[James Madison University]] for speech therapy. He was diagnosed as being autistic, with the doctor projecting (at least according to Chris) that he would never make it to high school, much less be able to write his own name.<ref>[[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)]]</ref>

During the [[1980s]], Christopher was playmates with [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]]. One day, she convinced him that Casper the Friendly Ghost lived in the crawlspace under her house, and when he crawled in there to look, she locked him in,<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Memories of childhood|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares, page 4]]</ref> beginning Chris's lifelong career of getting trolled. Apparently, he doesn't hold any hard feelings over it (possibly just because she's a girl – if a guy did that to him, Chris would vow vengeance). In [[1989]], noted ursine conductor Leonard Bearstein misheard Christopher's first name and called him "Christian", which inexplicably convinced Christopher to later have his name legally changed.

Chris spent the [[1990s|1990-1991]] school year in the fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], until his parents pulled him out of classes over a mysterious dispute. Chris claims that he was forcefully restrained by the school's faculty<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]</ref> and that he was made to sit on the lap of the [[Bruce Johnson|principal]], an experience that supposedly inspired his homophobia. It's possible that Chris's opinions about these events are colored more by his parents' attitudes than his own memories. The issue went to court, with Greene County seeking to have Chris sent to a "special school", which Bob and Barbara likely interpreted to mean a nut-house. Chris was home-schooled through the 5th grade during these proceedings. When his family exhausted all legal recourse, Chris and his father relocated to [[Richmond]] so that Chris could continue his education in a different school system, starting with the sixth grade in fall 1992.<ref name="Wikipedia early" />

At age 11, Chris entered and won the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]. On his 12th birthday, he enjoyed a $1,000 shopping spree as his prize. WVIR-TV's coverage of the event focused on Chris's autism, regarding the contest win as a worthy accomplishment due to his mental condition. Chris put footage from this newscast on [[YouTube]] long before he was known to general public, and it remains the most solid evidence that he is not an elaborate troll. This incident is often cited as the beginning of Chris's tendency to use his autism as leverage for special treatment, as well as his fascination with toys and video games at the expense of more mature pursuits. It has also led Chris to constantly enter contests in hopes of winning big (or else [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|becoming infuriated and belligerent to the winners]] when he loses).

<center><gallery>
Image:0002-BabyChristopher.jpg|As a baby, he was unusually ugly.
Image:0003-ChristopherApr1985.jpg|Age 3, actually a pretty cute kid.
Image:0001-ChristopherInSchool.jpg|Holding a prototype [[Sonichu Balls|Sonichu Ball]].
Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|[[Chris and fashion|Chris's taste in clown shirts begins]], coupled with his infamous "deer in headlights" [[stare]].
</gallery></center>

{{collapsible
|More of young Christian
|<gallery>
Image:0005-ChristopherWBigShirt.jpg
Image:0006-Christopher6-1986.jpg
Image:0007-Christopher12-1986.jpg
Image:0010-ChristopherChristmas1.jpg
Image:0013-ChristopherWFivel.jpg
Image:0015-ChristopherWPillow.jpg
Image:0016-ChristopherByTV.jpg
Image:0017-Christopher'sFavoriteChair.jpg
Image:0018-ChristopherWRootBeer1.jpg
Image:0019-ChristopherWRootBeer2.jpg
Image:0020-ChristopherWCar1.jpg
Image:0021-ChristopherWCar2.jpg
Image:0022-ChristopherWithWhat1.jpg
Image:0023-ChristopherWithWhat2.jpg
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg
Image:0030-ChristopherWSunglasses.jpg
Image:0031-1-Chris on Pony.jpg
Image:0035-ChritopherArmPaint.jpg
Image:0044-YoungChristopher1.jpg
Image:0047-ChristopherApr1991.jpg
Image:0048-1-Sad Chris.jpg
Image:0048-ChristopherSept1991.jpg
Image:0049-ChristopherFacePaint.jpg
Image:0059-ChristopherWBat.jpg
Image:0072-Chrisian&Santa.jpg
Image:0076-ChristianWTrain.jpg
Image:0086-Christmas95-1.jpg
Image:0087-Christmas95-2.jpg
Image:0088-Christmas95-3.jpg
</gallery>}}

[[Image:0240-ChristianCBBall97.jpg|120px|thumb|left|CWC the water boy. PRO TIP: Don't drink anything from one of Chris's [[fapcup|cups]].]]

[[Image:CWC12.png|120px|thumb|Hard to believe, but this photo has not been airbrushed to perfection.]]

Chris spent much of his time in [[Manchester High School|high school]] playing video games at home, reading ''[[Goosebumps]]'' novels, and hanging out with his "[[gal pal]]s" and "[[Joseph Herring|friend]]" at school. It was at this time that he first put his "creative talents" to use, with the inventions of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] and Sonichu.<ref>[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_22]</ref> Chris claims to have been on the [[honor roll]], and during this time acquired the true source of his powers, his [[Amnyfest Ring]]. Because the art award he wanted was given to someone else, Chris stormed out crying during his [[Manchester High School#Graduation|high school graduation]]. He honestly thought he deserved the award more than anyone else because he worked on it "so hard" in spite of his autism. Another reason for his sorrow was his fear that he might soon have to grow up and start acting like an adult.<ref>[[:Image:0567-GraduationNote2.jpg|DVD, graduation note 2]]</ref> Evidently, this fear was unfounded.

Since leaving high school and the happiest years of his life, Chris has been unwilling and unable to progress in any aspect of his life. He remains trapped in a childish, Year [[2000]] [[Time Void|time-stasis]], as he believes that whatever he was doing at the time was what helped him attract female companions. That his high school gal-pals have moved on and married real adult men with careers is of little consequence to him.
{{collapsible
|Chris's award-winning artwork
|<gallery perrow="5">

Image:444-MecheFox.JPG|This should win a prize.
Image:445-SonicTotem.JPG|Not creepy.
Image:470-CWCCoilPot.JPG|Chris's Like Like.
Image:475-RelaxingCWC1.JPG|Chris relaxing. Not scary at all.
Image:476-RelaxingCWC2.JPG|Uh...
Image:471-ChristophersLeatherFace.JPG|Chris calls this his "leather face". Apparently, he's never seen ''Texas Chainsaw Massacre''.
Image:467-CWCPlate.JPG|This plate helps you lose weight – look at it and you'll want to vomit.
Image:doorfish.jpg|You put this over your door to keep away would-be thieves.
</gallery>}}

===Adult Chronicles===
[[Image:0781-CWCspdbed.JPG|thumb|One of Chris's promotional images for his [[Love Quest]].]]

Chris's entry into [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] probably eased his inability to cope with life after high school. He took courses in [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting and Design]] and began spending more time on ''Sonichu'', launching a [[Sonichu's News Dash|newsletter]] and circulating it on the PVCC campus. Over time, he began losing touch with his gal-pals from high school, and he presumably found the junior college crowd less willing to humor him and his personal idiosyncrasies. By his own admission, his social life at PVCC was lacking when compared to his high school years.<ref>[[Story of My Current Days#Story of My Current Days]]</ref><ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 10.</ref>
Chris says he decided he needed a [[sweetheart]] in February [[2003]]. Possibly driven by his discovery that his old friend [[Sarah Hammer]] had begun dating [[Wes Iseli]], Chris started his [[Love Quest]] in earnest that summer. However, he quickly found that every girl he talked to had a boyfriend (or so they claimed). Chris soon became neurotic about the "[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]" and began concocting and employing various bizarre methods to attract women without actually having to approach or speak to them.

Chris's most celebrated technique involved sitting in one place (or pacing back and forth) for hours, holding a sign that read "I am a (variable age)-Year Old, Single Male, seeking an 18-(Chris's age then)-Year Old, Single Female Companion." Amazingly, this strategy accomplished nothing beyond getting him into trouble with various [[jerkops|authority]] [[manajerks|figures]] who believed that he was loitering and/or soliciting sex, which was legally true. Chris was particularly affected by a series of confrontations with the [[PVCC]] dean [[Mary Lee Walsh]] over his attraction techniques, resulting in an ongoing, completely one-sided blood feud involving [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|magic curses]] and [[Mary Lee Walsh#Mary Lee Walsh in Sonichu|slander]]. After a series of confrontations featuring increasingly bizarre and threatening behavior on Chris's part, Walsh expelled him for one year in [[2004]]. He eventually returned, however, obtaining an associate's degree in May [[2006]].

After college, Chris promptly dropped out of society, devoting his life to finding a boyfriend-free girl, drawing ''Sonichu'', [[mass debating]], and using his [[monthly tugboat|welfare money]] to buy video games and [[sex toys]].

[[Image:156-CWCMegan1.jpg|thumb|left|He can smell fear.]]
In [[2005]], Chris met [[Megan Schroeder]] at a [[The GAMe PLACe|local game and card shop]]. A social outcast like himself, Megan proved unusual in that she was willing to talk to Chris for more than 5 minutes. The two quickly became close friends, although Megan claimed to have recently endured a bad break-up and refused to entertain Chris's obvious romantic interest. Chris, seemingly basing his stance on studying women in porn and [[anime]], believed that the key to turning Megan's platonic feelings romantic was to make inappropriate advances toward her until she had to tell him to stop touching her.

In the summer of [[2007]], Chris put it all on the line by entering the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest|''PaRappa the Rapper'' Contest]] so that he could win prizes and a trip for two to Seattle, which formed the centerpiece of his plan to finally score with Megan. The contest ended in disaster for Chris, as he lost to the dreaded [[Adam Stackhouse]] and subsequently learned that Megan wouldn't have gone with him on the trip even if he had won.

It was during the Love Quest that Chris was inspired to launch ''Sonichu'', a comic book series featuring his Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. Ostensibly, the comic was intended to focus on the life and times of Chris's unbelievably original character, but by halfway through the first issue the focus of the story had become Chris and his myriad of romantic misadventures.

{{clear}}

==Discovery==
{{main|2007|2008}}
[[Image:110-SchuSiteIdea2.jpg|thumb|FUCK YEAH!!!]]

{{quote|Geez, when you have '''me''' facepalming at you, you have got to be pretty bad off.|[http://encyclopediadramatica.rs/David_Gonterman David Gonterman] on Chris.}}

Chris's rare talent (and by talent we mean pathology) was discovered when someone posted an anonymous picture of Sonichu on [[4-cent garbage|4chan]]. It only took a quick Google search of Chris's name to discover the picture's author. He was also discovered on 26 October 2007 by the website SomethingAwful, when a user derailed the conversation and wrote their personal account of Chris. A thread on Chris and Sonichu was created the next day.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20071107074539/http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2667671&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1</ref> Chris's miserable existence spilled over onto [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] in November 2007. His life hasn't been the same since then.
[[File:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in [[2008]].]]

Upon learning of the "Chris-Chan" article on ED, Chris released a single [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|YouTube video]] attempting to diplomatically convince the site to remove the page. Failing in this, he then spent the next several months [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|vandalizing]] the article in the vain hope of overwhelming his enemies. This catastrophically backfired as Chris, in an attempt to prove himself as lurid as the [[trolls]], revealed a great deal of embarrassing information, most notably [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a portrait of himself finger-banging Megan]] that ruined his most important relationship at the time. By the spring of [[2008]], Chris would be banned from both [[The Game Place|his favorite hangout]] (temporarily, but he was banned permanently in August 2008) and [[Grace Baptist Church|his parents' church]] for reasons at least partially related to information brought to light by the ED article.

In August 2008, Chris [[CWC's Second Message|declared]] [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|war]] upon Encyclopedia Dramatica in a series of videos, threatening to withhold publication of the upcoming [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] unless his vast [[fan base]] rallied to force ED to remove the "Chris-Chan" article. When ED suffered outages unrelated to this crusade, Chris [[Kudos to the Encyclopedia DramaDestruction|took credit and declared victory]], guaranteeing that he would be under constant fire from trolls for years to come. This began an endless cycle in which Chris would produce [[videos]], comics, and harebrained schemes to attack the trolls, which would in turn encourage more and more trolls to provoke him for his hilarious responses.

The cycle was briefly disrupted in the fall of 2008 when Chris sent his various [[medallions]] to his [[Blanca Weiss|fake Internet girlfriend]], who immediately destroyed them and broke up with him. This emotional heartbreak and the release of ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' reduced Chris's output of videos and other sources of [[Laughs Under Lucricities]]. At the same time, Encyclopedia Dramatica began cracking down on trolls using Chris's ED page as a forum for discussing him, and in general opinion was divided as to whether it was funny or [[A-Logging|obnoxious and tiring]] to continue harassing him. The resulting schism led to the creation of numerous websites (such as [[CWCki|this one]] singularly devoted to documenting his life), which has only expanded the coverage of Chris's hijinks.

==The trolling continues==
{{main|2009|2010}}
[[File:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2009]].]]

By late 2008, trolls controlled many aspects of Chris's life by posing as dedicated [[fans]], sweethearts, cartoonish enemies, and prospective business partners. Chris's ego and [[naïve]]te readily embraced this brave new world in which every woman wanted to fuck him, and every man was either trying to help him sell ''Sonichu'' products or steal the franchise for their own nefarious goals. Trolls would begin denoting major events in Chris's life as "[[saga]]s" such as the [[Miyamoto]] Saga, the [[Julie]] Saga, the [[Ivy]] Saga, the Liquid Saga, and the [[Asperchu]] Saga. All the while, the CWCki maintains a constant record of these events, ensuring that Chris cannot get away with his highly selective and revisionary treatment of his history.

[[File:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|left|''[[OkCupid|Hello]], [[The Hook Cafe|ladies]][[Carlos Chantor|!]]'' Chris in [[2010]].]]

Following his disastrous failure to woo [[The Wallflower|a real girl]] in March [[2010]], Chris began to realize what anyone else would have figured out a long time ago: his toxic Internet presence is having a detrimental effect upon his real life, and each new video he creates only makes it worse. This realization appears to have led him to reduce his online presence and to stop donning Sonichu medallions and [[clown shirt]]s.

In [[November 2010]], around the same time another romantic saga involving [[Jackie|another sweetheart]] ended in failure, Chris announced he will no longer socialize online or publish videos of himself. Subsequently, all videos save for the last one were removed from his YouTube channel. However, his Internet activity had not completely ceased since he retired from YouTube. Chris later returned with new videos in [[August 2011]].

== Chris today ==
{{main|2011|2012|2013|2014|2015|2016|2017|2018|2019}}

[[File:TG20.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2011]], near the time of his father's death.]]

Perhaps the most dramatic change in Chris's life was his open and enthusiastic embrace of cross-dressing and femininity in general. In [[2011]], Chris was revealed to have become a full-blown transvestite (or "[[tomgirl]]", as he calls it) and fully embraced his new identity both at home and in public. Chris seems to have reconciled this behavior with his extreme homophobia and purported heterosexuality without any difficulty. Though treated as yet another saga at first, this behavior seems to be deeply entrenched and has only gotten more extreme as of late 2014 (see below).

In [[September 2011]], Chris's father died of heart failure. Chris continues to live with his widowed mother, who along with the [[tugboat]] is his only source of income. Since his mother is in her 70s, it can be reasonably assumed that she has little time left on this earth, especially when her poor health is taken into account.

Since Bob's death, Chris has seldom interacted with trolls, and is seemingly no longer able to effortlessly bounce back from despair like he used to, and has instead lapsed into deep depression, no doubt exacerbated by the later loss of his home to fire, and subsequent financial difficulties. In the aftermath of Bob's death, many trolls began to question whether Chris deserved or indeed, could cope with any further trolling, given that he was no longer the bellicose, [[Chris and fashion|striped-shirted]] egocentric that the world had come to know. If one thing is certain, it is that Chris's glory days of screaming into a camera like a madman and performing like a circus animal for trolls offering [[china]] are over.

[[File:Christran2.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in [[2012]].]]

In [[October 2011]], Chris and Barb were [[28 October 2011|arrested]] at [[The GAMe PLACe]] and charged on several counts including trespassing, assault, and failure to stop at an accident causing over $1,000 in damage after an altercation with [[Michael Snyder]]. The trespassing and assault charges against Chris were dropped, but both still face felony trials for the failure to stop, and Barb for assaulting a police officer.
[[File:Chris march2013.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2013]].]]

In [[April 2012]], Chris declared that he finally [[Mia Hamm|lost his virginity]]. This was later confirmed to be true... [[Other documents#Chris's wingman|at the hands of a prostitute]]. 2012 was otherwise uneventful, probably because Chris was in trouble with [[Chris and the Law|the law]].

[[2013]] saw Chris's life more or less confined to ranting on [[Facebook]] and [[Twitter]], as well as making himself a pariah to people in real life through his actions. He began blaming people to their face for his own shortcomings which resulted in him leaving his church, getting chewed out by a voice actress from [[My Little Pony|one of his favorite shows]], upsetting the few friends he has left with his homophobia and getting thrown out of a [[Wal-Mart]] for committing blatant vandalism. He has also complained about the "stress" taking its toll on his health ([[Chris and health|this, at least, is evident]]) and pined incessantly about being "lonely". Even the "gal-pals" Chris so fondly talked about in his high school days would end up betraying him – he found out around Halloween 2013 that they had only tolerated him out of pity and, having discovered them, were just as revolted by his antics as much as the next sane person. Of course, the miseries Chris was lamenting at this time were almost entirely products of his own behavior coming back to haunt him, something he clearly did not realize.

The year 2013 also saw the rise of quite a few new white knights as well (including actual friends he met in real life) all of whom tried to offer constructive advice to Chris, although their advice was unwelcome information and thus totally ignored, as tradition dictates. This year of Chris's life seemed to have been most characterized by his flagrant disrespect of people, things and ideas around him, resulting in his exile and loneliness which he idiotically (but predictably) did not connect with his appalling behavior.

[[File:Chris 15 Aug 2014 changed profile pic.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in [[2014]], his long, lank, thin [[hair]] receding in earnest.]]

At first, it seemed that [[2014]] would just be business as usual. That is, until [[January 2014|January]] 10th when, in a cataclysmic display of the idiocy we've come to expect from him, Chris thought it would be a good idea to brew coffee in the bathroom of his garbage-filled house with an extension cord, leading to him [[Destruction Of Chris's House|setting his own house on fire]]. While no human was seriously harmed, one of the remaining [[Chandler cats]] died in the fire. The resulting damages forced Chris and his mother to temporarily [[Rental House|move out and trash a different house]]. Almost all of the Chandler possessions were destroyed in the fire, including most of Chris's [[Megan Shrine|vast]] [[Lego|hoard]] [[Trading Cards|of]] [[DVD|stupid]] [[Kimmi|shit]]. On a sadder note, most if not all of Bob's possessions were presumably also destroyed, including his huge record collection.

Since then, Chris and his mother have been having [[Chris and money|acute financial difficulties]], and Chris has spent most of the year alternating between begging and taking the odd commission to make more of his horrendous "art" on Facebook, or in a new display of [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]], selling autographed photos of himself on eBay (you can guess who most of his patrons are). Nonetheless, this hasn't stopped Chris from blowing literally thousands of dollars on [[Lego|children's toys]]. Naturally, his "art" and photographs are only really of any value to trolls, and thankfully few people have been foolish enough to give him hand-outs. Which is for the best, given that he may finally be forced to face a situation his mother can't [[Hooker incident|bail him]] [[Chris and money|out of]], and maybe, just maybe, learn something from it. [[Chris and reality|Or not]].

[[File:OmegaconB.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in [[2015]].]]

More curiously, [[Chris and reality|Chris began identifying as a lesbian]] in [[August 2014]], and denied that there is no such thing as a male lesbian (citing Yahoo! Answers as proof). While he seemed to soften his stance on gay men (''very'' reluctantly), he also indicated that he hated his own duck, in addition to his pre-existing hatred of ducks in general.

In July, Chris claimed to have a [[2014 Anonymous Sweetheart|girlfriend]]. Needless to say, many [[Megan Schroeder|doubted it]] [[The Wallflower|would last]].

As of Halloween, Chris has been swanning around attending (and likely ruining) LGBTQ events around Charlottesville, including attending a Halloween party at a gay bar dressed as a lesbian from the 70s. At such events, he obviously mingles with people infinitely more accepting and kind than himself. This necessarily will result either in Chris becoming a better person or in Chris being banned and ostracized from these gatherings. If history suggests a single thing, it is that the latter scenario will occur.

In early November, it was confirmed that his latest sweetheart, [[Catherine]], was yet another troll persona. This has led to an outpouring of disappointment and disgust from many of his [[CWCki Forums|unappreciated abettors]], who were hoping that, for once, Chris had got lucky. It is unclear, but likely, that she was the same woman mentioned above who was dating him in July.

This glimmer of pity was extinguished in December, as Chris [[26 December 2014|violated a ban and assaulted an employee in an outing to]] [[GameStop]] on Boxing Day. He assaulted the store's Assistant Manager, who was calling security, with mace; showing that, again, Chris has yet to learn anything from his mistakes, if he even regards them as mistakes to begin with. Only time will tell how much trouble Chris has landed himself in this time, but given his current financial status and history, it can't be good. Needless to say, Chris has no one to blame but himself for this mess, which isn't to say he won't try.

In January 2015, Chris asked people to start referring him with female pronouns, and subsequently caused another ruckus at Wal-Mart. More generally, 2015 has seen Chris slowly shy away from his traditional bigotry towards men and homosexuals (while still keeping up his [[Sonic Boom Protests|ludicrous crusade against Sega over the color scheme of a certain cartoon hedgehog]] and dramatizing his experience with trolls), and finally develop enough self-awareness to try and know himself. He has indicated in several Facebook posts that he is still trying to gauge his own sexuality and sexual identity; he has yo-yoed between wanting to remain a transvestite and wanting to transition into womanhood.

[[File:Happy Birthday, Nathan..mp400001.png|thumb|left|Chris in [[2016]].]]

Chris performed the sequels to some of his greatest hits in 2016.

{| class="wikitable"
|Original
|Sequel
|-
|[[Recycling]]
|[[Chris's Specimen Sample]]
|-
|[[For Julie's Eyes Only]]
|[[Lesbian Sex Audition]]
|-
|[[Carlos Chantor]]
|[[Stephanie Bustcakes]]
|-
|[[Un-clit]]
|[[Self-inflicted taint wound]]
|}

In addition, Barb was sued by two banks, due to failure to pay over $20,000 of debt, kicking off the [[Financhu Crisis]], in which she and Chris both begged for money like jackasses, while their hoards were clearly visible behind them. The [[Business]] saga was suspended when Chris was [[Chris and business|banned from Etsy for failing to send orders]]. He continued to [[duck]] responsibility for his inability to put down the [[PS4]] controller long enough to slap together his preschool-level arts and crafts, choosing to blame [[Lulu]] for being "[[Homos|the bugger that bit my ass bad]] and killed my creative groove".

His Oedipal complex veered into disturbing new levels when he freely announced that he [[August 2016 Facebook posts#Incestuous Thoughts|dreams about having sex with his mother]]. He also made multiple death threats against political figures [[Donald Trump]] and Mike Pence.

[[File:Dailyprogress online cville pride cwc.jpg|thumb|Chris in 2017, donning his [[unicorn cosplay]] at [[Cville Pride]].]]

In [[2017]], the Financhu Crisis continued to stress the Chandlers. Chris offered pieces of his late father's stamp collection, the [[Sonic Totem]] and [[The Classic]] for sale in order to afford more toys, a [[$400 gold necklace]] for Barb, and the extremely costly expenses for his [[Stamps#Raffle|raffle prizes]]. He and Barb also continued begging. One of his friends from [[The End Games]] Pokémon Club grew concerned and gave him solid advice on how to apply for work through Virginia's DARS program – and in true Chris fashion, instead of following it, he went on an angry tirade. Later in the year, he was sued for failure to pay debt to Mariner Finance.

Chris rediscovered Twitter in March. His frequent tweets to voice actresses lead to the [[DoopieDoOver|Doopie]] saga – in which he was chastised for calling her [[darling]], but doubled down on it and was subsequently blocked by her – and getting blocked by ''My Little Pony'' VA [[Tabitha St. Germain]] due to her getting constantly tagged by Chris and the [[weens]] orbiting him. He created sockpuppet accounts [[NightStar2891]] to plead his case and [[TwiSparLicious]] to ban-evade, which failed.

He briefly joined the [[Kiwi Farms]] forum under the name LegendaryChristorian and held a Q&A session.

A high point for his social life was attending [[BronyCon]], at which he enjoyed attention from [[fans]]. He also attended LGBT events such as [[UVA Remembers Pulse]] (where he was interviewed on TV), [[Cville Pride]] (where he was photographed by news in crowd shots), and [[Love is Love]].

Chris resumed the [[Business]] saga halfway through the year by going back to work on the [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]] comic he had abandoned in 2015, by placing pages behind [[Patreon]]. He also again offered books for sale, self-published by [[Lulu]], was paid to be interviewed by [[Merryweathery]] and [[CopperCab]], and joined [[Redbubble]]. After eight years, he finally completed #11, and moved onto #12, which he completed after a few months. He began work on [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]] and [[Sonichu 15|''Sonichu'' #15]], but got distracted. His Patreon efforts also began to languish around October, when patrons complained that he hadn't been sending out books.

Another sweetheart saga took place in the fall. [[Jessica Quinn]], a long-time white knight, suddenly turned troll by pretending she had fallen in love with him. She broke up with him twice, the first time he cried on camera for her to take him back, and the final time, he raged on video against the trolls he thought were to blame. He recovered quickly after drowning his sorrows at an ice cream shop.

[[File:ChrisandTeenTroonSquad.png|thumb|left|Chris with the Teen Troon Squad in [[2018]].]]

Afterwards, another troll, the mysterious [[Idea Guys|Idea Guy]], began to influence Chris by slipping hidden messages, often based on Nazi references, into the ''Sonichu'' canon. While under the influence of the Idea Guy, Chris began spending time with members of the [[Teen Troon Squad]] who attempted to influence the Sonichu lore through involving themselves in the [[Dimensional Merge]].

{{clear}}

==Aliases==
[[Image:093-CWCtoon.jpg|thumb|left|100px|[[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian's hand-drawn representation of himself.]]]]

Christian Weston Chandler has a wide array of names he has given himself. He was born Christopher Weston Chandler, but [[Christopher's name change|changed]] to "Christian" at the behest of the "[[Leonard Bearstein|mall conductor bear]]". In either case, he answers to "Chris" and "Chris-Chan". [[Autism|Unusually]], Chris would often refer to himself by his full name, or if he's feeling especially formal, "Christopher Christian Weston Chandler". He is [[Ego|unusually proud]] of his initials "CWC", and often incorporates them into his creations and various puns on the word "quick". Examples include [[CWCville]], [[A CWC Audition]] and [[CWC Dare]].

Shortly after declaring himself a [[transgender]] lesbian, Chris started introducing himself as "Christine". In May 2016, he successfully filed for another name change to "Christine Weston Chandler".<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/chris-filed-for-a-legal-name-change-update-the-judgement-is-in.20763/</ref> He then followed up by filing to alter the description for sex on his driver's license to female.<ref>[[:File:Christine license.jpg]]</ref> He now signs his name with "heart i's". Legal documents refer to him as Christine Chandler,<ref>[[:File:Trespass case 2018.png]]</ref> except for civil cases, in which he hadn't updated his name change information with plaintiffs.<ref>[[:Image:Court Record - 2019 Midland Funding Debt Case, Garnishment (Chris, GV18000451-01).png]]</ref> [[CWCki|This wiki]], however, refers to him as Chris for consistency.

Chris's nickname in his high school [[Spanish]] classes was "Ricardo", and long after then he would still translate his own name to "Ricardo Weston Chandler" when writing or speaking in Spanish, likely due to his ignorance of the fact that you generally don't replace your own name with something completely different when speaking in another language. At times he would go so far as to announce himself as "Christopher Christian 'Ricardo' Weston Chandler", or variants thereof, to identify himself precisely. In recent times, Chris has forgone stating his middle name, former names, and Spanish nickname in videos; now he usually leads with just "Christine Chandler".

Occasionally, Chris would use the names of his characters to refer to himself, most notably his evil twin, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]], and of course, Sonichu. In his comics, Chris has the ability to transform into an [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], named [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]. As Chris grew even more unhinged in 2017 and fell under the [[Idea Guys]]'s sway in 2018, he would conflate himself even further with his fantastic inventions. Other modern names for himself include CPU [[Scarlet]] and [[Night Star]], respectively his self-inserts for [[Hyperdimension Neptunia]] and [[My Little Pony]]. In contexts when he wants to be grandiose, he might append his various fictional alter egos to his name, much as he would list his former names in the past.

The only names commonly used to refer to Chris which he did not himself invent are "Chrissy" (popularized by [[Arjen Van Dierten]]) and [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] (popularized by [[Liquid Chris]]). Less notably, there is also "Solid Chris", used by some to differentiate him from Liquid in the tradition of a [[Metal Gear Solid|certain video game series]]. Certain A-Loggers have been known to refer to Chris as "Satan's Agent on Earth". Users of [[Kiwi Farms]] have coined the term "Classic Chris" to refer to Chris before the [[Destruction of Chris's house|house fire]] and/or the [[Tomgirl Saga]].

==Featured fan video==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC ~ A Sad Story
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DxAhBoYfWy4}}
| Stardate = 20 November 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==See also==
* [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]] - Chris's depiction of himself within his own comics.
* [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] - Chris's furry alter ego.
* [[:Category:DVD slideshow images|Hundreds of personal photographs]] assembled for use in Chris's autobiographical [[DVD]].
* [[User:GodofThunderGodofWar]] - Chris's own CWCki account

==Sources==
{{CWCipedia}}
{{Fan Art|chris=Chris fan art|linkname=Chris}}
<references/>
==External links==
[http://www.imdb.com/name/nm4813395/ Christian Weston Chandler] at the [[Wikipedia:Internet Movie Database|Internet Movie Database]]

{{Chris and|nocat=true}}
{{People}}
{{Timeline|nocat=true}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Christian Weston}}

[[Category:Chris| ]]
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]
[[Category:Homos]]

Megagi La Skunk

2019-12-24T09:19:42Z

Got2Hands: She still mentions being a cheerleader.

{{Articleofthenow}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' character
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Megagi.jpg|200px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Megagi La Skunk
|-
| '''Homeland'''
|[[Parody]]se Island
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Species'''
| Humanoid skunk
|-
| '''Creator'''
| [[Megan Schroeder]]
|}

{{quote|Whether or not you've noticed NONE of my original female characters have....[[Muscle bra|breasts]]. I just don't believe in giving animals that kind of human quality.|Megan on Megagi, [[Megan Emails, Jan-July 2007#Megan gives Chris a lesson in canine anatomy|6 March 2007]]}}

{{quote|SHE DOES HAVE BREASTS. Megan Schroeder DREW THAT WAY.|Chris on Megagi, [[IRC (20 January 2009)]]}}

'''Megagi La Skunk''' (pronounced [mɛˈgɑːdʒi], "meh-GAW-jee"<ref>[[Sonichu 6 Official Videobook]]</ref>) is one of [[Megan Schroeder]]'s furry-inspired characters, who first appears alongside Megan as her Sailor Fighter "[[Homos|partner]]" and later begins dating [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]. She has outlived her creator's presence in the comic, similar to [[Jiggliami]], except Megan was <s>(probably) not a [[trolls|troll]]</s> a [[Megan_Schroeder#The_Blame_Game|far greater troll than Blanca]].<ref>[[February 2012 Facebook Posts#Urgent news]]; [[October 2013 Facebook Posts#Apologize or else]]</ref>

==Creation==
[[Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|thumb|left|An example of Megagi's change in personality.]]
Megagi was originally called '''[[Semen|Spunky]] Skunk''';<ref name="OriginalDrawing">[[:image:316-MegagiOriginal.jpg|Spunky Skunk]] by [[Megan Schroeder]]</ref> the reason why Chris changed her name is unclear (although most likely an obsession over [[Megan Schroeder|someone with a similar name]]). She also did not have breasts in her original drawing<ref name="OriginalDrawing" /> or first appearances in the comic,<ref>''[[Sonichu 5]]'', pp. [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_5/Page_41 41]-[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_5/Page_42 42].</ref> but Chris added them in later for [[Mass debating|unknown reasons]].

Given her name, color scheme and species, she likely constitutes a [[Things Chris has ripped off|plagiarism]] of ''[[Wikipedia:Tiny Toon Adventures|Tiny Toon Adventures]]'' character [[Wikipedia:Fifi La Fume|Fifi La Fume]]. She may also be a ripoff of the Sonic character Fang the Sniper (Nack the Weasel), given her color and design. Funnily enough, her colors are also the same as those used to symbolize bisexual pride.

Megagi used to have a somewhat different personality from the other female characters; she seemed to be the [[Silvana|tomboyish]] type, and Chris described her as being like an "Army Soldier". In [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]], she calls Chris out on his shit,<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/images/0/03/SchuComic6P21.jpg]</ref> and she chews him out for ogling Megan when he should be saving the day. Although the rough-and-ready tomboy archetype is not exactly original, it was at least different from the typical [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]] who just liked shopping. However, in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], she gets watered down just like the rest of them – [[Women's rights|girly and no personality]] – and later on in the comic she is further reduced to being [[Bionic the Hedgehog|Bionic]]'s personal cheerleader.

==Fictional biography==
===Origins===
When Megan drew the character, she wrote the words "Parody Island" next to it.<ref name="OriginalDrawing" /> This appears to refer to the place where she lives, which was renamed by Chris as "[[Parody]]se Island".<ref>[[Megan emails, 2005-2006#Chris wants to date Megan at McDonald's]]</ref> Along with three other unnamed individuals, she serves as protector of the island. She's described by Chris as being physically strong. Her scent attack is of lesser power, but is still potent.<ref>[[:image:315-ACMegagiBck.jpg|Megagi La Skunk]]'s [[Animal Crossing]] card.</ref> It should be noted that said scent attack was never seen in the comic itself.

According to her [[CWCipedia]] page, she came "''from a mysterious land far, far away with her partner Megan Schroeder''".<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Megagi_La_Skunk]</ref> However, it should be noted that her CWCipedia biography was not authored by Chris.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Megagi_La_Skunk&action=history Revision history of "Megagi La Skunk"]</ref>

===''Sonichu'' #5===
Megagi and Sailor Megtune come to the rescue of [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian]] and the Chaotic Combo when threatened by [[Wes Iseli|Wes-Li]].
===''Sonichu'' #6===
[[Bionic the Hedgehog]] asks Christian to create a girlfriend for him, leading CWC to suggest that he should date one of Megan's characters.

===''Sonichu'' #7===
Bionic the Hedgehog gushes about his new girlfriend, Megagi, and taunts Chris for still being a virgin.
[[File:Betrayal.jpg|thumb|200px|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]]

===''Sonichu'' #8===
Megagi shows up at Spring Break to lounge around in a bikini.
===''Sonichu'' #9===
Megagi cheers her boyfriend's triumph over Reldnahc.
===''Sonichu'' #12===
Megagi appears at the SLGBTQ Pride Festival with her boyfriend [[Bionic]].

===Turning on her Sailor Fighter partner===

In a series of increasingly vitriolic [[October 2013 Facebook Posts|Facebook posts]] directed at Megan, Chris [[Chris and reality|claims to have talked directly with Megagi]], who has some particularly nasty things to say about her original creator. Whilst Chris is [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|known to believe]] that Sonichu and the other comic characters are real to an extent, it's still somewhat unsettling to see it weaponized to justify threats and slander.
{{quote|By the way, I have checked with Megagi La Skunk; she feels deep distrust in you. We mutually agree that you should have never been born, even if it meant she would never exist.|Chris, in an [[October 2013 Facebook Posts#Megagi La Skunk agrees that you should have never been born|open letter to Megan]] on [[Facebook]]}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:085-ChrisChanWMegagi.jpg|Chris and Megagi examine their balls.
Image:128-CChanMegagi.jpg
Image:316-MegagiOriginal.jpg|Without breasts...
Image:317-Megagi.jpg|...and with breasts.
File:Med 76 C.jpg|Megagi [[medallion]] produced and sold by Chris on [[eBay]].
</gallery></center>

==Sources==
<references />

==See also==
{{Fan art|chris=Megagi}}
*[[Megan Schroeder]]
*[[Sailor Megtune]]
*[[Bionic the Hedgehog]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Homos]]
[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]

Chris and Jackie's Date

2019-12-19T09:00:11Z

Got2Hands:

[[File:Date.jpg|thumb|300px|A view of where Chris and "Jackie" did the do.]]
{{Quote|If it inspires me... if you really try your hardest... I will drive down to see you and pay for the hotel room myself. You won't have to pay a penny because I know you would have taken care of me in DC if you could have. I want to reward you because I know your heart is in the right place. And if you really, really show me how much it is... ;) I'll make sure you know mine is, too.|[[Jackie]] promises Chris [[hanky-panky]] for this video}}
'''Chris and Jackie's Date''' is a four-video series of a date between Chris (in full [[Tomgirl]] regalia) and [[Jackie]], here represented by a sex doll, leaked on 24 [[February 2012]]. Their romantic date consists of dancing in [[Chris's room]], a trip in [[Son-Chu]] to get some [[McDonald's]], eating it and then making out with the doll in the McDonald's parking lot, and Chris's attempt at re-enacting a viral video in a dressing room at the [[Ruckersville]] [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]].<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wRjc2Qg-3Y music video]</ref>

The videos were originally leaked as ''one0612-hioghuyiogyo [SaveYouTube.com], two0612-vgiherqighbvpioerua [SaveYouTube.com], three0612-rqwehgiohcnracga [SaveYouTube.com]'' and ''four0612-hncu9tgohaeruxye [SaveYouTube.com]'', and data suggests that they were recorded on 11 [[July 2011]]. Throughout the videos, Chris speaks in an even higher pitch than usual, and enunciates in a revoltingly saccharine, babyish manner. Whether this is standard procedure for [[Tomgirl Saga|tomgirls]] or some sort of cutesy way of speaking to "Jackie" is unclear.

Background was provided when some [[Jackie E-mails 29|Jackie emails]] were leaked:
{{Quote| want you to get all dolled up on the 4th. And I want you to get one of your blow up dolls and dress it up too- but as me. Print out my picture or draw a picture of my face and put it over their's. Put me in gorgeous clothes so I look every part the proud girlfriend of the hottest Tomgirl in all of Virginia. Show me around town, take me to [[McDonalds]] or Starbucks or the movies. Let's have a ball and strut our stuff! Do my make up and pretend I can do your's! Then I want us to end our romantic evening at McIntire Park, watching the fireworks together under the stars. xoxox :D :D|Jackie}}
==Videos==
===One===

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris and Jackie's Date 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|NFj45Zs4lmQ}}
| stardate = 11 [[July 2011]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}} {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{Green tomgirl|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[CWC's Collector's Case Tutorial]]
| next = [[Chris_and_Jackie%27s_Date#Two|Chris and Jackie's Date 2]]
}}

==== Transcript ====

And now, Jackie-pie, I'm gonna go ahead and sweep you off your feet.

''[Turns camera to sex doll]'' Even though right now, you're sitting down.
''[Sets camera up on a table and picks up "Jackie," swinging her around and making his own music of la's and da's, occasionally throwing in random phrases as lyrics.]''

''[He stops dancing and kisses the sex doll's lips (where his [[duck]] has inevitably been) and sets her down. He comes to turn the camera off.]''

===Two===

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris and Jackie's Date 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|i7NkpV_Vqzo}}
| stardate = 11 [[July 2011]]
| subject = {{Sex|Dating}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}} {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{Green tomgirl|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_and_Jackie%27s_Date#One|Chris and Jackie's Date 1]]
| next = [[Chris_and_Jackie%27s_Date#Three|Chris and Jackie's Date 3]]
}}

==== Transcript ====

And after having picked you up Jackie and giving you a good dance and song, we are now heading out to the restaurant. We're gonna have some fun, you know, in the car-- and sitting on the car and eating our food. Yep. Yum yum. Very very good. Yum yum.

''[Proceeds to spend the rest of the video [[Random-access humor|making strange "wacka doo" noises]].]''

===Three===

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris and Jackie's Date 3
| video = {{#ev:youtube|CZoylxa3Q8w}}
| stardate = 11 [[July 2011]]
| subject = {{Sex|Dating & [[sex]]}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}} {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{Green tomgirl|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_and_Jackie%27s_Date#Two|Chris and Jackie's Date 2]]
| next = [[Chris_and_Jackie%27s_Date#Four|Chris and Jackie's Date 4]]
}}

==== Transcript ====

''["Jackie" is sitting on the hood of Chris's car, which is parked on his lawn. Chris comes by and sits down, [[Obesity|making the car shake noticeably]].]''
Okay, so Jackie and I, we're here at the McDonald's parking lot... we are sitting on top our car, after-- and we just enjoyed some apple-dippers and a Happy Meal.

''[Chris gropes the doll and moves it as a child would when making a toy speak and uses a [[sexism|shrill, high pitched voice]] while he [[Chris and reality|pretends Jackie is talking]].]''

''[As Jackie]'' It was really, really tasty, yes it was. And even better...my...my professor here...fed-fed me some of the apples...and I enjoyed that.

''[As himself]'' Yes, it was very enjoyable. Very good... So Jackie-pie, what'cha wanna do now?

''[As Jackie]'' I say we make out. And then see where it goes from there.

''[As himself]'' Alright.

''[Chris then proceeds to give "Jackie" a deep, open-mouthed kiss in the'' public parking lot of a McDonald's. ''He reaches past her and clicks an iPod or a radio. "[[Wikipedia:California Gurls|California Gurls]]" plays. Chris then moves the doll so that he his legs are wrapped around it, its legs around him. He makes out with it for a few seconds before doing a strange, [[gaybian|scissor-like]] sex act. He makes sex noises, switching between his voice and Jackie's. He kisses her again for a moment before returning to his strange humping. He then puts the doll on the hood of his car, turns the music off, and rushes to the camera.]''

God, it's hot out here.

===Four===
{{Honest}}

[https://streamable.com/3c3bg Can be viewed here.]
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris and Jackie's Date 4
| stardate = 11 [[July 2011]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}} {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{Green tomgirl|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_and_Jackie%27s_Date#Three|Chris and Jackie's Date 3]]
| next = [[Who's Your Brony?]]
}}

==== Transcript ====

Here we go.

[''Immediately starts humping the sex doll while making high-pitched moaning sounds'']

[''after 10 seconds, he turns the sex doll around into the doggy-style position before it goes off-camera, the blow-up doll going head first into his mold-coated bathtub.]

[''Resumes shrill, sexual moans that sound like a whimpering dog while thrusting the doll's behind.'']

[''Continues moaning suggestively'']

Yeah!

[''Moans some more. He pauses to reach over to something (water):'']

Whoopie! [''tosses water into the air as if "Jackie" climaxes & squirts everywhere.'']

[''Sighs of relief, wipes shirt on face from the [[Chris and Health|intensity]] and to remove Jackie-Pie's "cum" before turning the camera off'']

==References==
<references/>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100 2357.MOV]]|nextlink=[[Who's Your Brony?]]}}

{{Sweetheart Videos}}
[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos]]

Russel and Cynthia

2019-12-14T02:54:04Z

Got2Hands: Don't do that.

{{quote|Back in human form, she extracted some of her essence. Then in (female) Sonichu form, she shot her essence up herself ... After that, when she tried to transform back to human, she could not. She was stuck in her Chris Chan Sonichu form. Then between Magi-Chan and the examinations at the hospital, she was knocked up for sure.|Chris, on the [[May_2015_Facebook_posts#Meet_Russel_and_Cynthia|beautiful act of conception.]]}} [[Image:Cynthia_and_Russel.jpg|thumb|The twins, ravenous for affection.]]

'''Russel Sonee''' and '''Cynthia Rosey''' are Chris's fictional Sonee and Rosey children. After Chris's [[Sonichu]] form became female to correspond with his [[Tomgirl Saga|newfound female identity]], he got the notion to use his own semen to impregnate himself, thus conceiving Russel and Cynthia. Miraculously, neither of the twins emerged as hideous mutants, and Chris proudly insists that they're completely [[autism]] free.

This little experiment behind him, Chris shoved them off on [[Heather Iglesias]], claiming to visit them every now and again. They are first seen in [[Sonichu 12]], attending the [[CWCville]] pride festival with their lesbian nanny. On catching sight of Chris, they immediately run up and cling to him, telling him they miss him. Chris gives them a dismissive "awww!" before coldly allowing Heather to take them away.

==See also==
*[[Chandler Family Tree]]
*[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)]]
*[[Reginald Chandler]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Imaginary Family Members]]
[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]