CWCki - User contributions [en]

Template:Da update

2012-05-13T18:48:55Z

GrannyT: W/o a comma it sounds like the note was about Mimms getting people to annoy Chris. And with the other comma, it's a comma splice.

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>
*12 [[May 2012|May]] - Chris posts a new note on Facebook about Mimms, attempting to get people to annoy him. He then deletes the note minutes later.
*9 May - A [[Kacey Call 1.5|call]] between [[Chris]] and [[Kacey]] that was "misplaced" by [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]] is released.
*6 May - A previously unseen [[Jackie#Sex pics|drawing]] of Chris and Jackie in a pool having sex is released.
*5 [[May 2012|May]] - Chris posts a [[Facebook#Hey, Doofs! Leave Anna Alone!|note]] on Facebook calling on the trolls to leave [[Anna]] alone and clarifying that he does not see [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] in her. In addition, an old drawing of the Wallflower from 2010 is released.
*1 [[May 2012|May]] - Chris makes another post on Facebook titled "Hey, Trollies", where he continues to gloat over his alleged "victory" over the trolls (despite the fact that he's caused them no damage or humility whatsoever).
*30 [[April 2012|April]] - Chris posts on Facebook saying that the [[JenkinsJinkies]] gay camp experience story wasn't real, comments about his enjoyment over the news that one of his trolls has been caught by the [[Jerkops|FBI]], and makes a gloating [[voicemail greeting]].
*28 [[April 2012|April]]: Chris posts on Facebook that he knows of the [[CWCki]] forums and taunts the trolls with this knowledge.
*26 [[April 2012|April]]: Chris posts on Facebook that he aims to return to use of an [[Attraction Sign]] at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]].
<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is a list of recent Chris-related activity, namely new content. To prevent the list becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added - with no more than 6 or 7 entries being displayed. To add new update to the list, simply edit this template and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]].}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Main Page

2012-02-17T10:54:57Z

GrannyT: Undo revision 156902 by CWCtrollmaster12 (talk)

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<div style="font-size:162%; border:none; margin:0; padding:.1em; color:#000;">Welcome to the [[CWCki]]!</div>
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[[Category:Special]]

A Hike

2010-10-10T13:40:48Z

GrannyT: /* Transcription */

[[File:monticello.jpeg|thumb|The "village" of Monticello.]]
'''A Hike''' is a rare video that takes place both during the day and outdoors. The video is broken up into small chunks with [[Chris]] alternating between hiking and filming, [[Chris and health|presumably the exertion from walking up a slight grade requires all the energy he can muster]]. In what can be considered the spiritual successor to the [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]], he is immediately out of breath after the first cut and continues to deteriorate from that point. Top men calculate the filming took place at the [http://www.monticello.org/parkway/trail.html Saunders-Monticello Trail]
{{-}}
==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = A Hike
| video = {{#ev:youtube|37pXWB9rjBU}}
| stardate = 9 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Power|text}}
| style =
| saga =
| shirt = {{VertBlueGrayShirt|text}}
| previous = [[ECV 00001]]
| next = Current
}}

==Transcription==

''[Chris is filming himself with his handheld camera. He is sitting in his car in broad daylight. Children scream in the background]''

Quarter after three now. I'm gonna be making my way up a mountain trail nearby [[Wikipedia:Monticello|The Monticello]]. I'll check back in about a quarter of an hour. I've got my ''OFF!'', an' got my camera here and my phone. Be okay.

''[Jump Cut, Chris has begun to labor in his breathing]''

Ah, just a few minutes into my little hiking trail. So I walk off course to visit the little woodland theater or Palmer that [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|my congregation]] and I visited one past Sunday and now I'm gonna walk up further up the trail and I'll be back in a bit.

''[Jump Cut, Chris is standing still.]''

Another trail as got explored by me, so I'm gonna take a little look up the trail and see what's up this way. Check in in a bit, it is quite a mysterious forest. Along the mountain beside The Monticello.

''[Cut to dead tree]''

Hm. A tree that has been uprooted by a past weather event, along the side of this path. Deep in the chasm, that forms a river. Which could be a river, if there was more water in it.

''[Jump Cut, Chris's heavy breathing is slowly replacing the narration as the dominant soundtrack]''

Deeper and deeper into the forest the trail goes, where it leads? I don't know yet. There's a rock with moss. Moss grows on the north side. On tree bark or rock formations. I just walked across a wooden plank. ''[Prolonged gasping for air]'' If you think it's spooky. Well, you're wrong. Because it's only a stick I've stepped on. [[Obesity|A really big stick]]. North is that way! As I have seen, on this rock and it's mold.

''[Narration becomes slower and slower with more breaks]'' Huh, look at that. A tree bit formation with moss on the wrong side. Bet it got twisted and turned. That's why it's on the wrong side. Isn't it?

It is a sunny day in the village of Monticello. It's even a sunny day in the forest. Things may or may not be well, we'll see what what happens as we walk long this trail ''[Breathing continues horribly]''

Huh, another tree fallen. [[Chris_and_music#Singing|''[Chris sings]'' Free fallin']]. Cut up 'chucks. Ah, look at this, a bit of an open field. A field that is open for play by one animal or two, or so. Quite possibly, many more. I think we go this way in the fork of the road. Other way goes back to civilization and I'm not ready to head back just yet. Look at that ''[Chris points the camera at a tree]'' a shade of red on this tree. One would suppose, rotted? Or dead wood? Or perhaps it is just dirty from dirt and grime thrown upon by it's wondrous past.
[[File:Blairchris.png|thumb|The parallels are eerie.]]

Over here, there's another big tree. OVER THERE! Fallen and uprooted.

''[Heavy breathing, slow walking, shaky camera]''

Quite a chasm down there. If that were water, it probably would be a river. A big one.

''[Heavy breathing followed by a burp]''

Goin' up a trail, not down the trail. Goin' up a trail not down the trail.

I'd care to comment, but you know what? I'd just prefer to marvel on nature and it's revels. [[Random-access humor|A bug buzzing about me. Not busy as a bumble bee.]]

''[Camera spends prolonged periods of time pointed at the ground, Chris is now gulping air.]''

''[Two pained grunts]''

Whew, a long way up we have gotten.

''[Chris is stumbling with exhaustion and stops midway on the trail]''

Well I think we've reached the end of our trail, not too many ways to go, yeah? We have reached a dead end.
''[Camera clearly shows the trail continuing off to the right, despite Chris's claims to the contrary]''

Rest a moment and I'm going to head by to [[Son-Chu|my car]]. Take a hiking trail of your own, if you will, in your own forest where there in dwell.

''[Jump Cut]''

Another commentary note, if you will, for down that big trail at that major fork with the clearing, we find an overlook. Let's take a look over.

Hm. Vast glorious view from here. As was portrayed and enjoyed by a Carter family.

''[Chris points the camera at himself. He is simultaneously flushed, pale and drenched with sweat]''

Signing off now, y'all take care and be s-

==Notes==
While difficult to try to guess why Chris does things, a person might find it odd that he turns his camera off while walking. One theory might be he doesn't want people to see how little exercise it will take to get him tired. Thanks to a map of the Saunders-Monticello Trail (found [http://www.monticello.org/parkway/ParkwayTrails.pdf here]), we can calculate the relative health of Chris by comparing his breathing with the actual distance covered. Using the scale of the map, estimates place the distance from his car to the Palmer Woodland Theater at roughly 822 feet. In addition, Chris had climbed 40 feet in elevation.

The map also conveys the length of the trail segments we suspect Chris walked. Adding those together and calculating the distance it takes to get to those trails yields a grand total of .59 miles (less than 1 km) before Chris reaches his “dead end,” wheezing and covered in sweat.

Chris repeatedly refers to Monticello, the historic home of famed Virginian and Founding Father Thomas Jefferson, as ''The'' Monticello for no reason.

==See also==
* [http://www.monticello.org/parkway/ParkwayTrails.pdf Map of the Saunders-Monticello Trail] — What an average human could walk through in less than fifteen minutes without breaking a sweat.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[ECV 00001]]|nextlink=Current}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Talk:A Hike

2010-10-10T04:35:05Z

GrannyT:

{{Not A Forum}}

Transcribed. Missed a few words, such as what he has in addition to his phone and camera and the word he used to describe the woodland theater. [[User:Mupkids|Mupkids]] 19:49, 9 October 2010 (PDT)

*Pretty sure he's saying "OFF!," as in the brand of insect repellant. The second unintelligible might be Palmer, since I think he's talking about the [http://www.monticello.org/parkway/woodlandtheater.html Palmer Woodland Theater]. --[[User:GrannyT|GrannyT]] 21:35, 9 October 2010 (PDT)

In the first few seconds of the video it sounds like he's saying "waking" insead of "making" [[User:MoarDesu|MoarDesu]] 20:50, 9 October 2010 (PDT)

What "Carter family" is he talking about?--[[User:Svek|Švek]] 21:04, 9 October 2010 (PDT)

A Hike

2010-10-10T04:26:20Z

GrannyT: /* Transcription */

[[File:monticello.jpeg|thumb|The "village" of Monticello.]]
'''A Hike''' is a rare video that takes place both during the day and outdoors. The video is broken up into small chunks with [[Chris]] alternating between hiking and filming, [[Chris and health|presumably the exertion from walking up a slight grade requires all the energy he can muster]]. In what can be considered the spiritual successor to the [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]], he is immediately out of breath after the first cut and continues to deteriorate from that point.
{{-}}
==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = A Hike
| video = {{#ev:youtube|37pXWB9rjBU}}
| stardate = 9 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Power|text}}
| style =
| saga =
| shirt = {{VertBlueGrayShirt|text}}
| previous = [[ECV 00001]]
| next = Current
}}

==Transcription==

''[Chris is filming himself with his handheld camera. He is sitting in his car in broad daylight. Children scream in the background]''

Quarter after three now. I'm gonna be making my way up a mountain trail nearby [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monticello The Monticello]. I'll check back in about a quarter of an hour. I've got my ''OFF!'', an' got my camera here and my phone. Be okay.

''[Jump Cut, Chris has begun to labor in his breathing]''

Ah, just a few minutes into my little hiking trail. So I walk off course to visit the little woodland theater or [unintelligible] that my congregation and I visited one past Sunday and now I'm gonna walk up further up the trail and I'll be back in a-

''[Jump Cut, Chris is standing still.]''

Another trail as got explored by me, so I'm gonna take a little look up the trail and see what's up this way. Check it a bit, it is quite a mysterious forest. Along the mountain beside The Monticello.

''[Cut to dead tree]''

Hm. A tree that has been uprooted by a past weather event, along the side of this path. Deep in the chasm, that forms a river. Which could be a river, if there was more water in it.

''[Jump Cut, Chris's heavy breathing is slowly replacing the narration as the dominant soundtrack]''

Deeper and deeper into the forest the trail goes, where it leads? I don't know yet. There's a rock with moss. Moss grows on the north side. On tree bark or rock formations. I just walked across a wooden plank. ''[Prolonged gasping for air]'' If you think it's spooky. Well, you're wrong. Because it's only a stick I've stepped on. A really big stick. North is that way! As I have seen, on this rock and it's mold.

''[Narration becomes slower and slower with more breaks]'' Huh, look at that. A tree bit formation with moss on the wrong side. Bet it got twisted and turned. That's why it's on the wrong side. Isn't it?

It is a sunny day in the village of Monticello. It's even a sunny day in the forest. Things may or may not be well, we'll see what what happens as we walk long this trail ''[Breathing continues horribly]''

Huh, another tree fallen. ''[Chris sings]'' Free fallin'. Cut up 'chucks. Ah, look at this, a bit of an open field. A field that is open. Preferred by one animal or two, or so. Quite possibly, they know that people go this way in the fork of the road. On their way back to civilization and I'm not ready to head back just yet. Look at that ''[[Chris points the camera at a tree]'' a shade of red on this tree. One would suppose, rotted? Or dead wood? Or perhaps it is just dirty from dirt and grime thrown upon by it's wondrous past.
[[File:Blairchris.png|thumb|The parallels are eerie.]]

Over here, there's another big tree. OVER THERE! Fallen and uprooted.

''[Heavy breathing, slow walking, shaky camera]''

Quite a chasm down there. If that were water, it probably would be a river. A big one.

''[Heavy breathing followed by a burp]''

Goin' up a trail, not down the trail. Goin' up a trail not down the trail.

I'd care to comment, but you know what? I'd just prefer to marvel on nature and it's revels. A bug buzzing about me. Not busy as a bumble bee.

''[Camera spends prolonged periods of time pointed at the ground, Chris is now gulping air.]''

''[Two pained grunts]''

Whew, a long way up we have gotten.

''[Chris is stumbling with exhaustion and stops midway on the trail]''

Well I think we've reached the end of our trail, not too many ways to go, yeah? We have reached a dead end.
''[Camera clearly shows the trail continuing off to the right, despite Chris's claims to the contrary]''

In just a moment, I'm going to head by to my car. Take a hiking trail of your own, if you will, in your own forest where there in dwell.

''[Jump Cut]''

Another commentary note, if you will, for down that big trail at that major fork with the clearing, we find an overlook. Let's take a look over.

Hm. Vast glorious view from here. As was portrayed and enjoyed by a Carter family.

''[Chris points the camera at himself. He is simultaneously flushed, pale and drenched with sweat]''

Signing off now, y'all take care and be s-

ItIsFinished.MOV

2010-09-12T21:01:03Z

GrannyT: /* Video */

'''ItIsFinished.MOV''' is a video made by [[Chris]] and is the sequel to [[The MovingForward videos]] released the day before. In this video, a sweaty and somehow smug Chris addresses a "[[Surfshack Tito|heckler]]" who supposedly called him out on the state of his [[PS3|PlayStation 3]]'s hard drive by running it, along with several pieces of the destroyed console, over with his [[Son-Chu|car]]. Repeatedly.

The parts on display are readily identifiable as a PS3's innards. The white object nearer the camera and to the left as Chris runs over it, for instance, is a PS3 Blu-ray drive.

== Video ==

{{Infobox/video
| name = ItIsFinished.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Ard-YZNUA3M}}
| stardate = 30 August 2010
| subject = {{Video games|text}}, {{Rumors|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga =
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| shirt = {{PlainOrangeShirt|text}}
| previous = [[The MovingForward videos]]
| next = [[Haters gonna hate.mov|Haters gonna hate]]
}}

== Transcript ==

[''We're outside the Chandler [[house]] again, and Chris is filming himself with a handheld camera. He looks unusually sweaty, with strands of his thinning [[hair]] stuck to his forehead.'']

Seems like we have an [[Troll|heckler]] in [[Fanbase|the audience]], so I will really show you that I am really, seriously moving on. I would to use the phrase "the final trail of destruction"...

[''Chris walks towards his car, which is sitting in the driveway. We can see the bits of his PS3 stacked up on the ground in front of the wheels.'']

I'm putting everything I have [[Chris and English|dissetted]] from the dead PlayStation 3 console...

[''Chris focuses the camera on three hard drives that sit atop one of the stacks of parts.'']

...including the one, two, three, the three hard drives I have used ev-, all throughout, the original sisty-gigabyte, the 120-gigabyte, and the 500-gigabytes.

[''The camera focuses back on Chris.'']

Prepare for destruction!

[''Chris sets down the camera to one side of the driveway, focusing on the PS3 parts. We then hear him get in the car and start it up. He backs up a bit before driving forward over the remains of the PS3. Then he [[6 June 2010|shifts into reverse and backs up over them]]. Then he repeats the process before pulling all the way into the driveway and getting out of the car. At this point, the remains of his PS3 are [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|well and truly shattered]]. Chris walks over and picks up the camera, pointing it at himself.'']

And now, if you'll excuse me, I will collect the pieces, to be put into a [[Chris's room|dumpster]]. Have a good-

[''The video cuts off in the middle of a word.'']

== See also ==
*[[PS3]]
*[[Sony]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[The MovingForward videos]]|nextlink=[[Haters gonna hate.mov]]}}

{{LeakedVideos}}
{{Game Videos}}

[[Category:Video Games]]

Talk:Fridays After Five

2010-06-22T16:52:11Z

GrannyT: /* Enjoy Coca Cola Vagina */ new section

== To Do ==
I don't normally do this whole to do thing, but...
*<s>Get a gallery of this stuff up.
*put up the video like we have all his others.</s>
Maybe get some more background information, if we can.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 02:59, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
:That was quick.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 20:26, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

== What we can get out of this ==
These files prove that Chris is actually going to more social even its, influenced by rocky, but also we learned that he is creepy enough to wear his bra in public and he still dances like a turkey mating. Considering the bra is more like a "sign" of some sorts, could this be added into the "love quest" page?.--[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 01:55, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
:This latest turn of events has proven that Chris trolls himself harder than anyone else ever could. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 01:58, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
Chris is actually going out now, huh? I think it's clear it won't work and once Chris realizes this he'll be back to his old self again. Come to think of it, we could use this video to give him a false sense of paranoia, by claiming we have people following him. This could get us a nice reaction.--[[User:Hiiro|Hiiro]] 02:10, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

Did anybody else notice the absence of the Medallion of Fail? Any other photo? It's kind of historic if he really ventured out of his cubbyhole without it, whatever the reason. Also, the (wraparound?) glasses. --[[User:ErsatzHouse|ErsatzHouse]] 05:58, 21 June 2010 (UTC)

You know, the last time he was out this much was during his love quest, getting his ass kicked by jerkops and manajerks in the real world. Perhaps we can start seeing something similar in the near future? [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 02:17, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

We can hope. In the meantime I called Chris and left a message saying that the trolls are now stalking him in real life now, going with Hirro's idea to give him paranoia. I figure we can try scaring him back onto the internet. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 02:24, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
:I also sent him an e-mail message linking to the videos recorded of him at the event with the subject stating that he was being followed. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 02:27, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
:Yay~ People liked my idea. But if we're going with it, we'll need more sightings. Also, Independence day surprise?--[[User:Hiiro|Hiiro]] 05:52, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

Yes... he truly has nowhere to run now. And I hope Clyde hasn't forgotten his promise for an Independence Day surprise. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 02:28, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
:I completely forgot about that [[User:Sinisterminister|Sinisterminister]] 04:00, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

He had better not have forgotten it. Because if he does, I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH! Seriously though. We need a PS3 hacking. Soon. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 02:30, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

I think we should all thank our greatest operative, Rochelle Shoemaker, for this bounty of lulz.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 02:36, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

Good thing this happened. Now to wait for him to check his e-mail, then my crazed troll plan will start... --[[User:Eniggy|Eniggy the Trollish]] 02:48, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

* I love how the first thing that popped into everyone's mind was "Gay Trucker"... That alone will be enough for Chris to loose his shit. On a side note, Chris now officially fails at dancing and public decency (If wearing a shirt that says "I love vagina" to a family event doesn't do it, I don't know what does) --[[User:SargentPickles|SargentPickles]] 22:53, 18 June 2010 (EST)
**/me waits for the cops to knock at his door... [[User:Eniggy|Eniggy the HAHAHA]] 03:05, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

Heh, this might have something to do with an email I sent him. I suggested he check out [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desert_Punk Desert Punk] It's about a lecherous twat who's obsessed with getting laid, but women find him rude and repulsive. It's got plenty of fan service though, and the main character, despite being depicted as a loser when it comes to sex, is still standard anime fare badass-goofy (like Vash the Stampede in Trigun) so it should appeal to him. There is one story element that I was hoping Chris would see and not go over his head, the introduction of the loli character. To quote the wiki article
:"Kosuna is the former apprentice of the Shimmer Sniper. Her goal is to become the desert's number one "power babe" mercenary, meaning stronger than any man and more beautiful than any woman. After the Shimmer Sniper is defeated by Kanta, Kosuna follows him and constantly begs to be made his apprentice. Kanta highly objects at first but eventually accepts her after she shows him a picture of a large breasted woman Kosuna claims to be her mother, implying how attractive Kosuna would be in years to come. Kanta, a heavily perverted guy, can't help but accept her, though his personal motives are clearly to groom Kosuna to be his personal mate when she grows up."
Sounds like building a sweetheart from the ground up, 'eh? I never got a reply, despite sending it to his gmail, aol, and youtube accounts. If he did read it and check it out, this could be indicative of his apparent courtship of little girls. --[[User:Xanabit|Xanabit]] 04:51, 18 June 2010 (UTC)
:He wasn't courting little girls, the girls got near him because he had a DS and they wanted to play it too. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 04:54, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
::In that pic, maybe. Why else would he boogie down surrounded by delicious loli while wearing his new "attraction ensemble"? --[[User:Xanabit|Xanabit]] 05:02, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
:::You're putting way too much thought into this. Chris isn't a pedophile, he's just really, really stupid and socially inept. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 05:17, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
::::Neither was that character. Another episode had them sharing a sleeping bag the survive a cold desert night, and he freaked out. The intent is for Chris to get the idea that creating a close bond with one or a harem of loli will enable him to brainwash the little tykes into something he can fuck in a few years. The deviousness comes from the fact that Chris is incapable understanding boundaries and his idea that showing minors porn is "educational". --[[User:Xanabit|Xanabit]] 05:23, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
:Oh god, this was creepy. Spotting him amongst the crowd was like watching those 'Slender Man' videos, only it was insanely easy to find the horror. I think this proves that, when left to his own devices, Chris A) Acts more like a dumbass than ever before, or B) Gets himself into trouble with the law. I was afraid he was going to try to murder someone, but this proves he's a perfectly healthy human being. Also, I hope the little girl in the photo said 'no' when he likely offered her candy. --[[User:Inferno232|Inferno232]] 19 June 2010
::More likely, if he had any candy, he would have eaten it all himself. [[User:Sakanz|Sakanz]] 00:25, 20 June 2010 (UTC)

:You know what Chris? Stay off the internet. You're even more of a lolcow in real life. Seriously, this is hilariously creepy and awesome. Definitely add this into the Love Quest page, because his crappy "Captain Morgan" pose in multiple different places with his... bra sign... cruelly in plain sight of everyone is an obvious extension of his love search. Except I think the Gameboy and sign was slightly better for him, because at least then he could get sympathy. This is literally indecent and just disgusting. I'm a fat guy myself, and I'd never even consider just randomly taking my shirt off in a public place. Let alone if I was wearing a bra...([[User:KingoftheJuice|KingoftheJuice]] 05:58, 19 June 2010 (UTC))
::The only downside to that is someone has to be there to record him acting like a dumbass in public, or else we'd never know any of the shit he gets himself into. We lucked out this time. There's probably plenty of times he did stuff like this when noone was around to film him or take pictures of him and we'll never know unless Chris mentions it himself with plenty of bias, no doubt. [[User:Sakanz|Sakanz]] 00:30, 20 June 2010 (UTC)

:What can you get outta this? This is what happens when you live 28 years of your life as a pathetic diagnosis holder locked up in your room. Seriously, just look at how pasty white his arms and gigantic gut are. Clearly those alone should be a testament to how very little sunlight he gets. [[User:TRock|TRock]] 21, June 2010

== Started a video box. ==

Added the 100_0690.MOV thru 100_0692.MOV as a starter. [[User:Eniggy|Eniggy the still HAHAHA]] 04:23, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

==Why show his bra?==

Clearly, Chris doesn't have any compunctions about proving to the world that he wears women's underwear because he's a retard, but being that this was clearly a family event and he was wearing a shirt about pussy, could Jerkops have made him change? Any way of knowing? —[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 05:38, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

:If he keeps coming back and someone complains, it's likely the jerkops will intervene. And this time, in front of hundreds of witnesses. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 05:51, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
* I would say, with something like this, Jerkops could have gotten him to change the shirt easily, though if this was a free event, which I wouldn't be surprised at all, they probably wouldn't fully enforce it. The bra, on the other hand, is completely different. If a woman was running around in her bra, yes, they would stop her, but this is ''Chris'' we're talking about here. Since he's a guy, I'm guessing they don't see many guys running around in bras, so they wouldn't think twice.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 05:56, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
Can't he be charged for indecent exposure or dissorderly conduct or something?--[[User:Hiiro|Hiiro]]
* Probably not, since he's not actually indecently exposing anything. It's not illegal as far as I know for a man to go around shirtless, and this seems to be more of an outdoor community street fair, so I don't think policies like that can really be enforced. Even if they were, he's not technically shirtless, since he's wearing a bra. But he should definitely have to change the shirt, with so many little kids around. Well, at least it's better than the Mount and Dew Me one. Seeing as that one is a legitimately homosexual t-shirt. ([[User:KingoftheJuice|KingoftheJuice]] 06:02, 19 June 2010 (UTC))
** Yeah, in most every place I know of in the USA a man can go topless, though a woman can't. So Chris wearing a bra in public wouldn't be indecent exposure. [[User:BubblegumPinkButler|BubblegumPinkButler]] 23:45, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
*This whole thing makes me wonder if it ever crossed Chris Chan's retarded brain (or lack thereof) that a man walking around in a sports bra is gay? That boy is so far in the closet that he's in fuckin' Narnia. [[User:Jerkop421]] 20-06-2010, 0632 Hours (GMT).
**No, no, no. Chris is SO STRAIGHT that he BLOCKED OFF his closet so he could not POSSIBLY BE IN IT!.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 06:54, 21 June 2010 (UTC)
== The innocent ==

The girl's face is blocked in the cropped photo but the one in the gallery remains clear. What's the policy then? [[User:Nechita|Nechita]] 06:35, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

It's a joke--[[User:Wintermute|Wintermute]] 06:48, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

== There are more photos ==

Post them all. --[[User:Sonijew is back|Sonijew is back]] 10:18, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
*[[CWCki:DOITFAGGOT|Get to it then]] :p. Also, we need an uncensored version of that one with the kid. Justification - 1) whoever made the set ("Archie Bunker") would have censored it if he felt like it was a concern for the child, 2) a child's privacy is probably not going to be threatened by inclusion in a picture, 3) I can't think of any troll who is obsessed enough to track down a girl who look at Chris in a picture just to get info or whatever from her. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:03, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
::Also it's badly edited - looks terrible. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 16:45, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

== Pokéwalker? ==

What the hell does he use that for?--[[User:OrsonZedd|OrsonZedd]] 14:16, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

I played a downloaded version of Heartgold so I didn't get one, but it's my understanding that you put one of your pokemon in it or onto it and when you walk around it gives the pokemon xp. So, he uses it to level up his pokemon. --[[User:Hellion|masta beta alum]] 14:29, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
:According to [[Wikipedia:Nintendo_DS_accessories#Pok.C3.A9walker|Wikipedia]]:
:''The Pokéwalker is a Poké Ball-shaped pedometer which can connect to Pokémon HeartGold and SoulSilver game cards via infrared signals. The player can transfer a Pokémon to the Pokéwalker from either HeartGold or SoulSilver. Every time the player takes a step, the Pokémon inside gains experience points and the player earns "Watts", a type of in-game currency which was also used on the Pokémon Pikachu virtual pet. Players can also catch various Pokémon on the device and obtain items, then transfer them to the game. The device comes bundled with the games.''
--[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 15:19, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
:* I confirm. I have seen such a device onto action and it is quite easy to accumulate xp. If I remember clearly, it gives the owner a single xp by step. So this will not influence the girth of our manchild. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 04:48, 20 June 2010 (UTC)
== I can't believe it ==
Why is he wearing a manbra with writing. and WHY hasnt the police arrested him or something for doing that.
T_T The poor children are scared....especially when he dances with em, what a PEDOFORK. >.<
[[User:BabyNeko|BabyNeko]]

* As long as he isn't causing a problem with it the messages on his clothing are technically covered by the first amendment. At least if it's on public property. ---[[User:ConCat|ConCat]] 15:42, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

== This is fucking hilarious ==

It's true... Chris trolls himself harder than we do.

I say we leave him off the internet for a while and observe him, see if he does more dumb shit. If not (or nothing out of the ordinary), we can always get him back with Hiiro's plan of making him paranoid. [[User:Doctor Nuriel|Doctor Nuriel]] 17:37, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
*I had thoughts of sending him an email full of shots of his house from Google Maps with the Google crap cropped out along with random gay porn pictures in an attachment to him to see how scared he gets. -- [[User:Eniggy|Eniggy the Cunning]] 17:51, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
** you are a huge faggot and that's a horrible idea. -- [[User:Boop|Boop]] 19:51, 20 June 2010 (UTC)

==Maybe it's just me, but==
In some of these videos/pictures, when Chris is standing with his back to the crowd, it looks to me like he's sticking his ass out as far as he can. Remember, Chris thinks he has a great ass (can't remember where he said that, so if you guys know please tell me), so it wouldn't surprise me if this was an intentional ploy to get a gal-pal, though it ends up looking unnatural and creepy. Best example: [http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/File:100_0678.JPG this image] in which he is sitting, but in a manner which to me looks incredibly unnatural. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 18:30, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

:Don't remember him saying this, but totally possible. [http://cogsdev.org/w/images/thumb/0/02/0779-CWCREAR.JPG/450px-0779-CWCREAR.JPG Pic related.] --[[User:Sonijew is back|Sonijew is back]] 18:38, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
::He's definitely posing. What's more the only time he wasn't posing is when he was playing the Vidja. Every time he's trying to position himself to appear cool and relaxed, and ends up looking awkward and terrifying. I'm sure in his mind this makes him incredibly attractive to the ladies, but we all know how good Chris's mind is.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 20:29, 19 June 2010 (UTC)
:Isn't one effect of autism not knowing how to position yourself in a "natural" way? Chris might just fail at standing and/or posture. God knows he doesn't have much practice at either. -[[User:Schismtracer|Schismtracer]] 01:36, 20 June 2010 (UTC)
:: Yes, it is. Stereotypy (IE, repetitive movements) is a symptom of it, and often manifests in posing or rocking. [[User:BubblegumPinkButler|BubblegumPinkButler]] 07:23, 21 June 2010 (UTC)

==So how long has it been?==
I added a minor note on Chris mentioning FAF in the 6/6/2010 video. Can anyone confirm or deny if 6/4 was the first time he visited the event? I know the 6/6 video was the first time he talked about it.--[[User:AdderCress|AdderCress]] 01:35, 21 June 2010 (UTC)

==Next Friday after Five?==

If he has been going regularly to these events, then there's a a good chance that he will resurface again this Friday. Do we have any agents who will be in the area to confirm? This could become a regular attraction location for him, and we should get as much video proof of his misadventures as we can before he's inevitably thrown out. --[[User:SargentPickles|SargentPickles]] 11:43, 21 June 2010 (EST)

We have at least one known agent in the area; I'm sure the rest have been alerted to look out for him. Of course, the fact that Chris may be on to use may mean he's not showing up anymore. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 15:46, 21 June 2010 (UTC)

==Just an observation==
Does the Chris Dance remind anyone else of the music video for Rubber Johnny? --[[user:Manwithoutabody|manwithoutabody]] 18:14, 21 June 2010 (CEST)

== Enjoy <s>Coca Cola</s> Vagina ==

The article says the operative saw Chris wearing a shirt saying "I Enjoy Vagina," but I bet it was just "Enjoy Vagina." I bet it was [http://www.sportressofblogitude.com/2010/05/10/its-funny-because-he-got-on-tv-and-his-t-shirt-had-the-word-vagina-on-it/ this shirt], which parodies Coca Cola, much like his "Mount and Do Me" shirt parodied Mountain Dew. This and its red color are all I have as evidence, but still, this soda-themed t-shirt prurience might be a pattern that could eventually be added to the [[Chris and fashion]] section, if not elsewhere. --[[User:GrannyT|GrannyT]] 16:52, 22 June 2010 (UTC)

A message to the Trolls

2010-03-12T06:13:12Z

GrannyT: /* Transcript */

'''A message to the Trolls''' (video name: '''A message to the Trolls.MOV''') is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 10 [[March 2010]]. In it he whines like a baby against the trolls for interfering with his life, but doesn't go into specifics, mentioning only that trolls have been messing with his friends. He does not mention [[Bob Chandler|his father]] or his new sweetheart, [[The Wallflower]]. Note the lack of [[Medallions of Fail|medallion]] and [[Amnyfest Ring|class ring]].

==Video==

{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = A message to the Trolls.MOV
| image = {{#ev:youtube|zBXMu2zPL04}}
| Stardate = 10 [[March 2010]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Rumors}} Rumors, {{Galpals}} Galpals
| Performance Style = {{Tragedy}} Tragedy
| Shirt = [[Image:Jokershirt.png]] The Joker
| previous = [[Surfshack Tito]]
| next = [[Don't Mess With Me]]
}}

===Transcript===
This message is for every last god damned troll that has been pestering me for the past number of years, even the recent ones. I have been in a number of moments finding peace and losing it later. Because YOU WON'T LET ME BE!

You are su- You are a bunch of damn [[Chris and hypocrisy|immature DUMBASSES]] who have no lives of your own.

You don't want me to have a little life of my own, you don't want me to find long-lasting peace and happiness for myself, you don't want me to find the whole true love for myself because you are so [[Chris and Ego|sub-absorbent]] yourselves, you don't wan- you only want me to give you more got-dang stories and [[Chris and art|art]] then I can give because of my... inspiration comes in and out and it mostly comes in when I'm happy and have peace.

You are nothing but goddamn greedy, impatient, unloved and [''shows the [[Claw of Fail|claw]]''] corrupted fools. Heartbreaks and heartaches, they really hurt. I let you all done so much whatever you want emotionally than me.. but.. it is GOD DAMNED ANOTHER STORY WITH YOU TRYTA HURT MY FRIENDS AND GET THEM INVOLVED LIKE YOU'VE BEEN DOING [''Chris punches the camera'']

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Surfshack Tito]]|nextlink=[[Don't Mess With Me]]}}
{{Troll Videos}}
[[Category:Videos]]

Ode to Julie

2010-02-23T03:58:05Z

GrannyT:

'''Ode to Julie''' is a video in which [[Chris]] is in a poetic mood and tries to get all Shakespearean for [[Julie]]. Though he manages to not fart for nearly eight minutes, he does not manage to realize that "wherefore" actually means "why," and not "where."

Coincidentally, Chris and Julie were much like [[Wikipedia:Romeo and Juliet|Romeo and Juliet]], in that the role of Julie was, in true Shakespearean tradition, played by a 13 year old boy.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Ode to Julie
| image = {{#ev:youtube|YFZGe_qYct4}}
| Stardate = Febuary 23, 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Galpals.png]] [[Gal pal]]
| Saga = [[Image:Julie_saga.png]] [[Julie]] Saga
| Shirt = [[Image:Twofaceshirt.png]] Two Face
| previous = [[CWC Update 18 February 2009]]
| next = [[CWC Update 4 March 2009]]
}}

{{quote|O fair Julie… I love you so much in my heart.}}

===Transcript===

This is a, uh, long-distance love dedication… to my girlfriend… Julie. Beautiful woman, beautiful woman.

I love you, Julie, so very much. You are—you strike my thought at every moment, and it makes me po—it makes me ponder with such… [''inhales deeply''] ''love'' and ''desire''.

I love you so much.

You came from far a—you came from a far distance… of the country [[Molvanîa]]. [''sets down PS3 controller to free up both hands'']

And also, throughout with respect, though I hold onto it with… ''single hand''… I respectfully remove for you, Julie… [''removes Sonichu medallion''] my medal. And I hold it in my hand as I, uh, tell the truth in the video, here. [''inhales deeply'']

O fair Julie… [''clutches chest''] I love you so much in my heart. I—your voice strikes me like… a ''lute''… on a spring day, or a red—or a red robin… in an early afternoon.

I look at and see your picture… [''picks up picture''] as you have sent to me. [''stares at picture''] And I look into your ''eyes''… and I am deeply in awe, as your eyes are like chocolate-covered strawberries. They're brown on the outside, but the sweet, wonderful woman… that cares about me very much… and will love me no matter what—that is the strawberry within. That is your soul. [''sets picture back down'']

And, uh, we yet have a similar storyline to, uh, Romeo and Juliet. [''voice cracks badly''] Only one syllable misting—missing. It'd be like—if we’d add a syllable, it'd be like, "''Christian-o'' and Juliet". [''inhales deeply'']

But every night, you can cr—e-e-every night you may cry, "Christian-o! Christian-o! Wherefore art thou, Christian-o?" And I would be there… int—in your ''heart'' – for I have—for ''my'' heart is with you. For if I called you up—for I would be there in your heart. And I would personally be calling out, "I am here, O fair Juliet. 'Tis no—'tis nobler thy name be heard every mom—every waking moment."

[''inhales deeply, sighs, and clutches chest''] "And Ju—the sun is in the ''east'', and Juliet ''is'' the sun." Though I know not much Shakespeare, but at least I know ''enough''… to getteth by!

I th—think of you, Juliet, at every moment… and it makes my heart… pound so much faster. It gets me… ''jazzed up'' like I was [[Speech Impediment|rell-wested]], y'know, like after a buzz after drinkin' a… ''caffeinated beverage''.

Because I have s—because we have talked for a little while and I have seen s—the love and honor… in my dr—in you, my Julie. [''inhales deeply'']

And you have seen… the yellow—the love and honor in my heart. And yet, also similar to Romeo and Juliet; though our families are ''not'' in quarrel with each other, ''my'' family is paranoid for my safety for traveling a long distance. Yet what used to—what separated us before… was an ''ocean'' and a bunch of other countries, including ''Germany''. [''inhales sharply''] Yet now, the only thing that separates us… in distance… is north Virginia.

And yet, I would be willing to, uh, travel that dista—travel the, uh, distance that may—that may… be equal to less than a day… after I have the money… and my mother… is less para-''noid''.

But you s—but it is not, uh… as much parental restriction as it is, uh… I feel I need the ''emotional support''… to back me up in my… fair quest for a true l—for a true love.

And let's not forget my, uh… past—my, uh, ''past''. Mmm…

I'll only mention her once, but… ''Panda''? I know that you are… somewhere up there… after the fire… and we will not forget you.

''But''… I look to a bright future, where Julie and I will feel the l—will feel that—will feel that ''love'' (''and then more'') after we are… brought together… by a v—by a ''vrooming''… bit of fate… that is a small traveling distance.

But I would lo—''I love you, Julie''. I love you so much that I'd be willing to, uh… spend the amount that is needed… to—for the gas (''and the food'') to travel the less-than-a-day trip… to you.

[''clutches chest''] And if anything should happen to you, my sweet Julie… it would hurt me so much. It would hurt me.

But we don't need to face such, uh, grim consequences… as you are—as, uh, we both are living alive and well… and, uh, we also have the support… of, uh… your ''brother''… and, uh… [''inhales deeply''] w—and, uh, another one who is—who ''was'' a troll, but has emotionally… took a 180. 160? No, 180. It's ''360'' that's full. [''sniffles'']

The only f—the only factor missing that would—the only thing missing that would complete… [''inhales deeply''] the emotional support… [''sighs''] would be that of my fam—would be that of… ''my mother''. For she is the app—for—even though—for my father....

Ennh. You know what? I talk too much about, uh, what prevents us from being together. But… I promise you, Julie, that… in the near future, we ''will'' be together, whether it be by my… swift… [''inhales sharply''] driving distance....

And I'd be wi—and I'd be willing to travel that distance, after I get the directions.

Because I love you with my heart, Julie. [''clutches chest'']

I love you for… who you are: the sweet, kind, gentle person that you are. The woman that understands me very much. [''sniffles'']

We have a good number of things in common, Julie. And I am proud that—to hear—to know that you are… going to a church, as well.

It's gonna be a…

Well, hopefully, with the power of God… at our sides… we'll be together very soon. For the power of God can influence even the, uh, most paranoid of souls, I'm sure.

[''strains until he farts wetly, then sighs contentedly'']

So, I pray to him every night… that you and I would be together… with ''full'' emotional support… from everyone within our rea—within our respective reach.

[''sighs and clutches chest''] My heart yearns for you, Julie, very much. I love you. ''I love you, Julie''!

I cannot say that… I would die without you, because that would be an exaggeration. ''But''… I would—but it is better to say that… ''I am'' a more… nobler and much better… person… when I am around you and when I think of you… or when I talk to you.

[''reaches down and picks up picture again''] Mmm. And I look at your… [''stares at picture''] beautiful face in your picture. [''glances back at the camera and smiles slyly'']

[''sets picture back down again''] I love you, Julie. I love you with my heart. [''clutches chest'']

I'll be—I am always with you… in spirit. And soon enough, I will be with you in person. So, y'know… every night I ''can'' call out, "O fair Juliet! Fair Juliet! Wherefore art thou, fair Juliet?" And you would… wait—well, I mean, you would wander… from the bushes that is the distance… into my heart. And you would say, "I am here, O fair Christian-o, for—and we are to be together, as the gods join—as the gods… so willed… for it. And yet, uh… we tra—and yet, we traveled this distance to ''be'' together. Our hearts… are emotionally joined."

So, let us get together, Julie, because… you j—you love me, and I love you.

Both of us love each other with our hearts.

[''hugs himself''] ''I'm hugging you, Julie.'' ''Mmm… mmm.''

[''loudly drops medallion and picks PS3 controller back up'']

I'll talk to you later.

{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category: Captain's log entries| 2009-02-23]]

Talk:Jason Kendrick Howell message

2010-02-12T04:50:01Z

GrannyT: /* Transcript */

===To Do===

*Force this to be a meme.

*Find e-mail or chatlog of Chris using this now-immortal line.
**It was an e-mail that I actually got from Jason Kendrick Howell, then posted on PVCC. Jason then posted the audio on PVCC. I'll upload the e-mail I got sometime. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:00, 11 February 2009 (CET)
*Break you dead. [[User:Dethchemist77|Dethchemist77]] 03:50, 11 February 2009 (CET)

== Dude... ==

There's [http://www.zazzle.com/ill_break_you_dead_tshirt-235960033507176382 T-shirts] of it now. --[[User:Lime|Lime]] ([[User_talk:Lime|Scold?]] | [[Special:Contributions/Lime|Undo?]]) 07:32, 3 May 2009 (CEST)
== VIDEO DOWN ==

OMGWTFBBQ. It was removed by user, do we have it saved somewhere? --[[User:Jump|Jump]] 17:22, 2 July 2009 (CEST)

== Transcript ==

It wouldn't hurt to have a transcript of the call in question. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 01:37, 29 January 2010 (UTC)
*Done and done. Though, I know it's written down on that letter in the video, that "I hope you're happy nappa" sounds more like "I hope you're happy now, pal!" --[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 02:10, 29 January 2010 (UTC)
*It's probably "You're laughing now, but..." -- or more accurately, "You['re] laughin' now bu[t]..." At least 14 people on the Youtubes agree with this, so I have changed the transcript. --[[User:GrannyT|GrannyT]] 04:50, 12 February 2010 (UTC)

Jason Kendrick Howell message

2010-02-12T04:46:11Z

GrannyT: /* Transcript */

<center>{{#ev:youtube|k-ZWM4nlaB8}}</center>
'''I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD''' is [[Chris]]'s infantile, yet to-the-point, threat to [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] after the hacking of [[Sonichu.net]] which was initially pinned on Jason, when the mastermind was [[Clyde Cash|someone]] far more nefarious.

Some argue Chris is actually saying "I'll ''pray'' you dead" which Chris did in fact ask the [[Sonichu Girls]] to do, to pray for the death of Jason Kendrick Howell. However, Chris begging [[GodJesus]] to smite his enemies is not as funny as Chris tard raging and snapping (or attempting to) Jason in half.

[[Image:ILLBREAKYOUDEAD.jpg|thumb|Original e-mail with text of Chris's threat to Jason]]

[[Image:ChrisBreakYouDead.jpg|center]]

[[Image:SonichuBreakYouDead.jpg|center]]

==Transcript==
''Answering Machine:'' One saved message

Jason Kendrick Howell...<br>
You BASTARD!<br>
You ''BASTARD!''<br>
You hacked into everything! You have driven me so up the wall, I can't even describe it!<br>
You're laughing now, but<br>
{{RageQuote|I'll BREAK YOU DEAD!}}
Goodbye!

==See also==
*[[Death threats]]

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?jgoz109zwym The audio recording]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category: CWC-isms]]

User:GrannyT

2010-02-12T04:36:23Z

GrannyT: get fucked