CWCki - User contributions [en]

William Elliott Waterman

2016-08-15T21:31:22Z

Gsbr:

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:William_Elliott_Waterman.jpg|William Elliott Waterman|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" | William Elliott Waterman
|-
| '''Full Name'''
| William Elliott Waterman
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Billy, Waterhead, Watermelon
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| 1 March 1986 (age {{Age|1986|3|1}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| [[Male]]
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[American]]
|-
| '''[[Race]]'''
| White
|-
|'''Education'''
| Champlain College (BS, software engineering)<ref>http://www.maine.gov/oit/workforce/interns/interns.shtml</ref>
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Computer programmer<ref>http://www.maine.gov/oit/workforce/documents/oitconnection_vol2_iss1.pdf</ref>
|-
|}
: ''"William" redirects here. For William Spicer, husband of [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] and character in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', see [[List of Sonichu characters#William Spicer]].''
'''William Elliott Waterman''' (born 1 March 1986) is a [[Facebook]] friend of [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] who lives in [[Wikipedia:Woolwich, Maine|Woolwich, Maine]]. He is sometimes called '''Billy''' by family and friends, and affectionately nicknamed '''Watermelon''' or '''Waterhead''' by [[trolls]].<ref>http://i44.tinypic.com/2z4a7iw.jpg</ref> William comments on Chris's Facebook posts with support, occasional advice, and off-topic remarks. He has also purchased artwork from Chris, including [[Sonichu 0|the first issue of ''Sonichu'']]. William can be considered a [[white knight]], although he claims to be a troll. Many see as an enabler of Chris's actions and a [[weening|ween]].

William came to prominence after his 7 August [[2013]] Facebook post, where he called out trolls over their treatment of Chris. The post was prompted by his name appearing on the CWCki.

Chris and William apparently met online, through William's cousin and one of Chris's most well-known enablers, [[Anna McLerran]]. William's aforementioned August 7th post indicates that they never met in person, and Chris initiated the friend request after correspondence with William, despite him being [[JERKS|male]] and having [[Asperger syndrome]]. It is unknown when William and Chris first met, but William's first activity on Chris's Facebook timeline is from May [[2013]].<ref>[[2013_Facebook_Posts#This_cold_is_really_weighing_me_down]]</ref>

In late 2015, William was removed from Chris's friends list after his activity on [[CWCki Forums|Kiwi Farms]]. He has since been re-added.

==Facebook==
William's Facebook comments to Chris are often short and [[Random-access humor|off topic]]. For example, after Chris found out his [[Manchester High School|high school]] [[gal pal]]s weren't TRUE and HONEST, he posted a rant about having no local friends and included pictures of [[Pokémon]] cards of Cubone and Yamask. Instead of responding to Chris wrote about, William said he liked the Pokémon.<ref>[[December 2013 Facebook posts#Friends]]</ref>

On occasion, however, William attempted to give advice to Chris, which was promptly ignored. For example, on 9 June 2013, Chris posted a rant about [[Megan Schroeder]], to which William replied, "Chris, why are you demonizing Megan? I don't think she actively did anything with the intent to make others see you the way they do. Why are you harping on something from 2007?" He followed this up by telling Chris, "I think if you were just grateful you have a friend who loves you, and didn't waste time thinking about the bad, you would be feeling a lot better."<ref>[[June_2013_Facebook_Posts#Just_re-watched_your_DVD_with_a_friend.]]</ref> On 29 May 2014, William told Chris he was being greedy for asking people to give him more Lego sets.<ref>[[May_2014_Facebook_Posts#Chris_NEEDS_MOAR_FUCKING_LEGOS]].</ref>

At times, it appeared Chris was alienating William with some of his Facebook posts. On 7 October [[2013]], Chris commented on William's profile picture suggesting that William is [[Chris and his Ego|attempting to look like Chris]] with his long [[hair]]. This prompted one of William's friends to accuse Chris of trolling and stated that William looked like that since high school.<ref>http://i44.tinypic.com/2z4a7iw.jpg</ref> Nearly two years later, Chris retracted his statement on another profile picture. William also seemed to be alienated by Chris's intense hatred for the franchise ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic Boom]]'', all just because of an arm color change. Throughout [[2015]], William continued to comment on Chris's Facebook, but was noticeably unwilling to defend Chris for his actions, and even jokingly compared him to Christian Gray from ''Fifty Shades of Grey''.

==Calling out trolls==
On 7 August [[2013]], in response to his Facebook activity being posted to the [[CWCki]], William posted a long rant on Facebook about him and Chris:

{{quotebox|7 August 2013Hello, trolls. I've seen that I'm not exempt from you plastering what I say to Chris onto your archives and announcing it on your news feed, so I'll address you all directly in an open statement. You trolls get a lot of laughs out of the things Chris has done, but what you all do isn't even funny. It's just sad. You're actually dedicating huge chunks of your daily lives stalking one lonely man on the internet. Seriously? This 'lolcow' was dried up years ago. You're not going to get anything entertaining out of him any more, and you're still trying to milk him. It's sick. NONE OF YOU are ANY BETTER THAN HIM. It doesn't matter if you're a hypocritical basement-dwelling virgin that hates him just because he exists, or you're just doing it for the 'lulls'. If somehow you're married, have a job, and have everything Chris wants, you should feel even more disgusted in yourself for doing it because you have some perversion for taking advantage of someone less fortunate instead of having empathy and compassion for them. I used to be like you morons, wasting my days sitting on my butt listening to everything you say about him. But I grew up. I have a job and a life now, but that still doesn't make me any better than him. I'm not even better than any of you. I pity all of you, but there's a chance you could be better people if you all made an effort to grow up and stop stalking and cyber-bullying with no honor. He's not shallow and picky like you think. You think you all need to go on covert field missions and disguise yourselves as girlfriends to even talk to him. I never met him in person - I'm not even a female - and he friend requested me. All I did was respect him and treat him like a HUMAN BEING. Having a heart and humbly admitting that you're at the same level as him is all it takes, but you're all too little to do that. I'm not an attention whore, but feel free to troll me if you care enough. I know you won't. You all got so lazy that you just copy and paste his activity without even writing your own commentary anymore. [[Wikipedia:EarthBound | Come and get me, losers. Spankety, spankety, spankety.]]}}<ref>http://i.imgur.com/qSCNJkR.png</ref>

Chris liked the post.

==Kiwi Farms==
As William began to squeal louder and louder for attention, his various apparent issues also came to the fore. In [[November 2015]], he joined Kiwi Farms under the name "VikingBoyBilly" (which recalls to mind Chris's similar habit of bragging about his [[Cherokee|supposed]] [[Anne Boleyn|ancestry]]) and unexpectedly contacted [[Alec Benson Leary]], who entertained his bullshit for perhaps longer than he should have.

During the course of his inane prattling, William made several false assumptions. He tried at first to goad Alec by proving himself to be the better man. William, of course, was completely blindsided by two factors: first, he was seemingly baffled by Alec's disinterest in proving his worth to a stranger on the internet, second, as he failed to prove himself to be better than Alec in any case, instead providing incredibly damning information about himself. William also tried to bargain with Alec, offering him a favourable review of [[Asperchu]], again, under the false assumption that Alec gave a shit, as he had not added to the comic in years. He also tried to turn Alec against the administration of Kiwi Farms, apparently in an attempt to take advantage of a culture of byzantine cut-throat politics that only exists in his imagination.

As aforementioned, William also revealed quite a bit about himself in the exchange - namely that he's an idiotic, [[Random-access humor|annoying]], [[Anna McLerran|attention-whoring]] [[Clyde Cash]] [[Weens|wannabe with some sort of "epic trolling plan"]], and also that he's far more [[autistic]] than most had initially assumed. Much like his cousin, Anna, he also revealed he has done very little with his life, bragging about having a transcript, which gave people the impression that he hasn't finished education. Also much like Anna, he was unable to make anyone give a shit who he was or what he had to say, for all his efforts.

==Unfriended and refriended==
A few weeks after the Kiwi Farms debacle, William posted on Facebook that he held power over Chris and Chris would not make any more statuses or videos until the administration of Kiwi Farms gave into demands he made. By claiming he was controlling Chris, however, William overstepped his boundaries and treaded on Chris's ego. Chris responded with a [[November_2015_Facebook_Posts#I_Control_My_Life|Facebook post]] about William, where he emphasized that he had control over his own life, and then promptly unfriended William.

By [[June 2016]], William was re-added as a friend by Chris and continued to make off-topic comments. In a post where Chris went on a tirade against [[Cole Smithy|his estranged brother]] for not [[Chris and money|serving as an ATM]] for himself and [[Barb]], William [[Ego|redirected the topic to himself]] by picking a fight with [[Kim Wilson]] and also posted about his [[video games|autistic interests]].

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Not_Jerks}}

{{DEFAULTSORT: Waterman, William Elliott}}
[[Category:People]]

Calling Out

2016-08-14T16:32:48Z

Gsbr:

'''Calling Out''' refers to a series of [[videos]] [[Chris]] uploaded from the 6-23 [[August 2011]], following an [[100 2357.MOV|eight-month hiatus]] from [[YouTube]].

The series focuses on Chris's efforts to expose the identities his various trolls. Each confrontation consists of Chris decrying the apparent traits of his trolls, such Thorg's [[Chris and religion|atheism]] and Jack Thaddeus's [[Homos|sexual interests]], followed by demands for apologies and other blackmail. Chris gives them deadlines to meet his demands, many of which are idiotic; e.g. asking Tito to send cash in the mail, or impossible, e.g. asking [[BlueSpike]] to stop random people all over the Internet from making [[prank calls]].

Chris's [[autism|gullibility]] is highlighted in the series as the "identities" of the trolls he believes he's acquired are really fellow lolcows (and in Thorg's case, the source of an image macro template) who lack the motivation and intelligence to troll Chris, as well as having completely different voices from the trolls they're supposed to be. Even if Chris did possess the actual identities of the trolls, it wouldn't have made much of a difference because he takes no direct action against them. Instead, Chris just exposes people's personal information and expects the Internet to do the work for him of tormenting his foes. He seems to believe that if a troll's identity is revealed, all of the other trolls will turn on him and troll him instead of Chris. This is not likely.

These videos also showcase Chris's [[Tomgirl]] look, where he attempts to make himself look feminine. Chris is sporting new earrings in these videos, two on his right ear and one on his left. His [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]] are also absent. [[Chris and cinematography|Chris's camerawork]] in this series is exceptionally shitty, opting to hold the camera with his hand instead of propping it up on a surface. This results in a very shaky, Cloverfield-like viewing experience. Oblivious as always, Chris makes the videos while failing to realize that the obese horrific "tomgirl" delivering the messages overshadows the message.

The Calling Out series came to an abrupt end after [[Bob Chandler|Bob's]] death in [[September 2011]], a mere five days after the last video Chris posted in the series.

==Summary==

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Troll
! Calling out
!Demands
!Deadline
! Result
! Finale
|-
| [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]]
| 6 August: [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don]] 6 August: [[Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"]]
| Admit to PlayStation Network hacking Apologize to [[The Wallflower]] and her family Send Chris $1,000 Delete all of his pages from the [[CWCki]] Apologize to Chris
|31 August
| Met demands
| 9 August: [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don|Tito's official response to Chris]] 10 August: [[Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]
|-
| [[Thorg]]
| 6 August: [[Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]] 6 August: [[Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"]] 10 August: [[Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]
| Put up a [[20 December 2009#One of these things is not like the others|billboard]] in New York City saying that Chris is [[Homos|straight]] Delete all of his pages from the CWCki Apologize to Chris
|31 August
| '''Unmasked'''
| 12 August: [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada]] 20 August: [[Wristwatch-SwissWatch for Jeremy "Thorg"]] 28 August: [[Victory Rockout]]
|-
| [[Alec Benson Leary]]
| 9 August: [[Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher]]
| Apologize to Chris
|31 August
| '''Unmasked'''
| 30 August: [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal]]
|-
| [[Jack Thaddeus]]
| 16 August: [[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]] 23 August: [[Re-Calling Ahuvia]]
| Apologize to Chris
|10 September
| '''Revealed himself'''
| 29 August: [[Response to ADF]]
|-
| [[BlueSpike]]
| 23 August: [[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David]] 
| Apologize to Chris Stop people from calling Chris and yelling "JULAAAYY!"
|15 September
| Nothing *
|
|}
* Chris stopped making videos in the series after [[Bob Chandler|Bob's]] death on 4 September 2011.

==References==
<references/>

{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011| 2011-08-05 c]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada

2016-08-14T16:32:08Z

Gsbr:

'''Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada''' is a video Chris uploaded on 12 August 2011. Chris uses this video to expose information about [[Thorg]] and to show that he is very serious in releasing his information. Instead, the video confirmed that Chris had no real leverage against his trolls, as anyone with cursory knowledge of the internet recognized that the supposed picture of Thorg was really the template image for [http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/butthurt-dweller-gordo-granudo the Butthurt Dweller meme]. This is not the first time Chris thought [[Clyde Cash|one of his tormentors]] was the source of an [[Secret Weapon|image macro template]]. It was quickly removed as hate speech. The new [[Pedo-glasses]] make their first appearance on video.

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada
| video = {{#ev:youtube|x9XxnrzJUR0}}
| stardate = 12 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{Redbra|text}} , Unknown
| previous = [[Correction of EX relationship status]]
| next = [[Kaka Makeup Basics]]
}}

{{quote|**Troll Alias: Thorg. Real Name: Jeremy Slonwhite. Occupation: Single, Virgin, Athiest, Gamestop Employee in Vancouver, BC, Canada. Age: 32 Interestes include: Dungeons and Dragons, Stargate, World of Warcraft, Star Wars, Elder Scrolls, Star Trek, Mountain Dew, Magic the Gathering, LARPing, GURPS, Minecraft, Gaia Online and TROLLING.}}

[[File:TheCatch.jpg|thumb|The one catch to Chris's brilliant scheme.]]

=== Transcript ===
Another fine day, another good day. ''[pause]'' I understand that, uh, Master Thorg, also known as Jeremy, is, uh, very [[Chris and religion#Atheism|atheist]] against me and my ways. So, to prove to h- so to prove to him and to everyone that I am serious, very serious, about [[wikipedia:Google_Images|revealing]] [[Trolls|troll]] information…

''[Puts on pedo-glasses.]''

He will be on the chopping block right now. ''[Makes a karate chop hand movement and a sound effect that sounds like a crushed tissue.]''

''[Jerks the camera around wildly to face the TV screen.]''

This is his…trolling persona pho-to-graph. And of course, here's da full photograph, ''[Scrolls down to show picture]'' of which I have shown previously in full- der- in full-- persona. Troll alias: Thorg. Real name: Jeremy Sloanwhite. Lives in- resides in Vancouver, BC, Canna-duh. Occupation: Aga- employee over at- at [[Gamestop|Gamestop]] over there. Age: 32. He is a sin- he is a [[Virgin with rage|single virgin]]. His interests include Dungeons & Dragons, ''Stargate, World of Warcraft, [[Star Wars]], [[Captain's Log|Star Trek]], The Elder Scrolls, [[Fanta|Mountain Dew]], [[Card games|Magic: The Gathering]], [[wikipedia:GURPS|GURPS]]'', whatever the hell they are, ''Minecraft, [[Anime|Gaia Online]]'', LARPing, live action role-play, and trolling.

He is- he was responsible for leaking the [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] to the public through the [[CWCki]], Pho'oshopping me into a gay bar, which [[Clyde Cash|Clyde Cash]] uploaded to a [[20 December 2009|billboard in New York City, New York]]. He has participated in the [[Trollin Train|Trollin' Train]], he [[Kick the Autistic|contributed bad things]] into my [[mailbag]] on the [[CWCipedia]], and general [[YouTube]], CWCki, [[troll]]ing, and support roles.

And following that, we have two more photographs of Master Jeremy Sloanwhite. ''[TV screen changes to show almost-completely white photo due to [[Chris and camerawork|terrible webcam]]. The photo slowly dims to reveal another "Butthurt Dweller" photo.]'' What an ugly sunnuvabitch! Really ugly! Eeehh. He looks like he's got a penguin in the background of this photograph.

''[Photo changes again to another photo, holding a piece of paper that reads "CWC is a fat retard tranny [[Calling Out#Re: Don.2C and ReCalling Out .22Thorg.22 - Jeremy|-Thorg 10/8/2011]]"]'' And then there's a more recent one, where he da-erhs- plays atheist against me!

''[Chris' voice raises.]'' [[personal_army|EVERYBODY! PLEASE FEEL FREE TO TROLL MR. JEREMY SLOANWHITE]], AGE TWE-- AGE THIRTY TWO, IN VANCOUVER, BC, CANNA-[[slow-in-the-minds|DUH]], AT THE GAMESTOP AT WHICH HE WORKS AT!

[[Chris and religion|ATHEIST, BEGONE!]]

''[Jerks the camera back to himself]'' An' then right after that, you will s- everybody can stay tuned for next trolling-- next troll I will be revealing a little bit of info of. In which, uh, now if you'll excuse me, ''[stares off-screen]'' I'm gonna go ''[sudden high-pitched voice, attempting to imitate [[Wikipedia:Kesha|Ke$ha]]]'' brush my teeth with a bottle a' Jack!
{{Troll Videos}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Correction of EX relationship status]]|nextlink=[[Kaka Makeup Basics]]}}
{{Calling Out}}
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011| 2011-08-12 e]]

Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada

2016-08-14T16:24:40Z

Gsbr:

'''Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada''' is a video Chris uploaded on 12 August 2011. Chris uses this video to expose information about [[Thorg]] and to show that he is very serious in releasing his information. Instead, the video confirmed that Chris had no real leverage against his trolls, as anyone with cursory knowledge of the internet recognized that the supposed picture of Thorg was really the template image for [http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/butthurt-dweller-gordo-granudo the Butthurt Dweller meme]. It was quickly removed as hate speech. The new [[Pedo-glasses]] make their first appearance on video.

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada
| video = {{#ev:youtube|x9XxnrzJUR0}}
| stardate = 12 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Smug|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = {{Redbra|text}} , Unknown
| previous = [[Correction of EX relationship status]]
| next = [[Kaka Makeup Basics]]
}}

{{quote|**Troll Alias: Thorg. Real Name: Jeremy Slonwhite. Occupation: Single, Virgin, Athiest, Gamestop Employee in Vancouver, BC, Canada. Age: 32 Interestes include: Dungeons and Dragons, Stargate, World of Warcraft, Star Wars, Elder Scrolls, Star Trek, Mountain Dew, Magic the Gathering, LARPing, GURPS, Minecraft, Gaia Online and TROLLING.}}

[[File:TheCatch.jpg|thumb|The one catch to Chris's brilliant scheme.]]

=== Transcript ===
Another fine day, another good day. ''[pause]'' I understand that, uh, Master Thorg, also known as Jeremy, is, uh, very [[Chris and religion#Atheism|atheist]] against me and my ways. So, to prove to h- so to prove to him and to everyone that I am serious, very serious, about [[wikipedia:Google_Images|revealing]] [[Trolls|troll]] information…

''[Puts on pedo-glasses.]''

He will be on the chopping block right now. ''[Makes a karate chop hand movement and a sound effect that sounds like a crushed tissue.]''

''[Jerks the camera around wildly to face the TV screen.]''

This is his…trolling persona pho-to-graph. And of course, here's da full photograph, ''[Scrolls down to show picture]'' of which I have shown previously in full- der- in full-- persona. Troll alias: Thorg. Real name: Jeremy Sloanwhite. Lives in- resides in Vancouver, BC, Canna-duh. Occupation: Aga- employee over at- at [[Gamestop|Gamestop]] over there. Age: 32. He is a sin- he is a [[Virgin with rage|single virgin]]. His interests include Dungeons & Dragons, ''Stargate, World of Warcraft, [[Star Wars]], [[Captain's Log|Star Trek]], The Elder Scrolls, [[Fanta|Mountain Dew]], [[Card games|Magic: The Gathering]], [[wikipedia:GURPS|GURPS]]'', whatever the hell they are, ''Minecraft, [[Anime|Gaia Online]]'', LARPing, live action role-play, and trolling.

He is- he was responsible for leaking the [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] to the public through the [[CWCki]], Pho'oshopping me into a gay bar, which [[Clyde Cash|Clyde Cash]] uploaded to a [[20 December 2009|billboard in New York City, New York]]. He has participated in the [[Trollin Train|Trollin' Train]], he [[Kick the Autistic|contributed bad things]] into my [[mailbag]] on the [[CWCipedia]], and general [[YouTube]], CWCki, [[troll]]ing, and support roles.

And following that, we have two more photographs of Master Jeremy Sloanwhite. ''[TV screen changes to show almost-completely white photo due to [[Chris and camerawork|terrible webcam]]. The photo slowly dims to reveal another "Butthurt Dweller" photo.]'' What an ugly sunnuvabitch! Really ugly! Eeehh. He looks like he's got a penguin in the background of this photograph.

''[Photo changes again to another photo, holding a piece of paper that reads "CWC is a fat retard tranny [[Calling Out#Re: Don.2C and ReCalling Out .22Thorg.22 - Jeremy|-Thorg 10/8/2011]]"]'' And then there's a more recent one, where he da-erhs- plays atheist against me!

''[Chris' voice raises.]'' [[personal_army|EVERYBODY! PLEASE FEEL FREE TO TROLL MR. JEREMY SLOANWHITE]], AGE TWE-- AGE THIRTY TWO, IN VANCOUVER, BC, CANNA-[[slow-in-the-minds|DUH]], AT THE GAMESTOP AT WHICH HE WORKS AT!

[[Chris and religion|ATHEIST, BEGONE!]]

''[Jerks the camera back to himself]'' An' then right after that, you will s- everybody can stay tuned for next trolling-- next troll I will be revealing a little bit of info of. In which, uh, now if you'll excuse me, ''[stares off-screen]'' I'm gonna go ''[sudden high-pitched voice, attempting to imitate [[Wikipedia:Kesha|Ke$ha]]]'' brush my teeth with a bottle a' Jack!
{{Troll Videos}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Correction of EX relationship status]]|nextlink=[[Kaka Makeup Basics]]}}
{{Calling Out}}
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011| 2011-08-12 e]]

Calling Out

2016-08-14T16:16:40Z

Gsbr:

'''Calling Out''' refers to a series of [[videos]] [[Chris]] uploaded from the 6-23 [[August 2011]], following an [[100 2357.MOV|eight-month hiatus]] from [[YouTube]].

The series focuses on Chris's efforts to expose the identities his various trolls. Each confrontation consists of Chris decrying the apparent traits of his trolls, such Thorg's [[Chris and religion|atheism]] and Jack Thaddeus's [[Homos|sexual interests]], followed by demands for apologies and other blackmail. Chris gives them deadlines to meet his demands, many of which are idiotic; e.g. asking Tito to send cash in the mail, or impossible, e.g. asking [[BlueSpike]] to stop random people all over the Internet from making [[prank calls]].

Chris's [[autism|gullibility]] is highlighted in the series as the "identities" of the trolls he believes he's acquired are really fellow lolcows (and in Thorg's case, an image macro template) who lack the motivation and intelligence to troll Chris, as well as having completely different voices from the trolls they're supposed to be. Even if Chris did possess the actual identities of the trolls, it wouldn't have made much of a difference because he takes no direct action against them. Instead, Chris just exposes people's personal information and expects the Internet to do the work for him of tormenting his foes. He seems to believe that if a troll's identity is revealed, all of the other trolls will turn on him and troll him instead of Chris. This is not likely.

These videos also showcase Chris's [[Tomgirl]] look, where he attempts to make himself look feminine. Chris is sporting new earrings in these videos, two on his right ear and one on his left. His [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]] are also absent. [[Chris and cinematography|Chris's camerawork]] in this series is exceptionally shitty, opting to hold the camera with his hand instead of propping it up on a surface. This results in a very shaky, Cloverfield-like viewing experience. Oblivious as always, Chris makes the videos while failing to realize that the obese horrific "tomgirl" delivering the messages overshadows the message.

The Calling Out series came to an abrupt end after [[Bob Chandler|Bob's]] death in [[September 2011]], a mere five days after the last video Chris posted in the series.

==Summary==

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Troll
! Calling out
!Demands
!Deadline
! Result
! Finale
|-
| [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]]
| 6 August: [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don]] 6 August: [[Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"]]
| Admit to PlayStation Network hacking Apologize to [[The Wallflower]] and her family Send Chris $1,000 Delete all of his pages from the [[CWCki]] Apologize to Chris
|31 August
| Met demands
| 9 August: [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don|Tito's official response to Chris]] 10 August: [[Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]
|-
| [[Thorg]]
| 6 August: [[Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]] 6 August: [[Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"]] 10 August: [[Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]
| Put up a [[20 December 2009#One of these things is not like the others|billboard]] in New York City saying that Chris is [[Homos|straight]] Delete all of his pages from the CWCki Apologize to Chris
|31 August
| '''Unmasked'''
| 12 August: [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada]] 20 August: [[Wristwatch-SwissWatch for Jeremy "Thorg"]] 28 August: [[Victory Rockout]]
|-
| [[Alec Benson Leary]]
| 9 August: [[Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher]]
| Apologize to Chris
|31 August
| '''Unmasked'''
| 30 August: [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal]]
|-
| [[Jack Thaddeus]]
| 16 August: [[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]] 23 August: [[Re-Calling Ahuvia]]
| Apologize to Chris
|10 September
| '''Revealed himself'''
| 29 August: [[Response to ADF]]
|-
| [[BlueSpike]]
| 23 August: [[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David]] 
| Apologize to Chris Stop people from calling Chris and yelling "JULAAAYY!"
|15 September
| Nothing *
|
|}
* Chris stopped making videos in the series after [[Bob Chandler|Bob's]] death on 4 September 2011.

==References==
<references/>

{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011| 2011-08-05 c]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Calling Out

2016-08-14T16:16:14Z

Gsbr:

'''Calling Out''' refers to a series of [[videos]] [[Chris]] uploaded from the 6-23 [[August 2011]], following an [[100 2357.MOV|eight-month hiatus]] from [[YouTube]].

The series focuses on Chris's efforts to expose the identities his various trolls. Each confrontation consists of Chris decrying the apparent traits of his trolls, such Thorg's [[Chris and religion|atheism]] and Jack Thaddeus's [[Homos|sexual interests]], followed by demands for apologies and other blackmail. Chris gives them deadlines to meet his demands, many of which are idiotic; e.g. asking Tito to send cash in the mail, or impossible, e.g. asking [[BlueSpike]] to stop random people all over the Internet from making [[prank calls]].

Chris's [[autism|gullibility]] is highlighted in the series as the "identities" of the trolls he believes he's acquired are really fellow lolcows (and in Thorg's case, an image macro template) who lack the motivation and intelligence to troll Chris, as well as having completely different voices from the trolls they're supposed to be. Even if Chris did possess the actual identities of the trolls, it wouldn't have made much of a difference because he takes no direct action against them. Instead, Chris just exposes people's personal information and expects the Internet to do the work for him of tormenting his foes. He seems to believe that if a troll's identity is revealed, all of the other trolls will turn on him and troll him instead of Chris. This is not likely.

These videos also showcase Chris's [[Tomgirl]] look, where he attempts to make himself look feminine. Chris is sporting new earrings in these videos, two on his right ear and one on his left. His [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]] are also absent. [[Chris and cinematography|Chris's camerawork]] in this series is exceptionally shitty, opting to hold the camera with his hand instead of propping it up on a surface. This results in a very shaky, Cloverfield-like viewing experience. Oblivious as always, Chris makes the videos while failing to realize that the obese horrific "tomgirl" delivering the messages overshadows the message.

The Calling Out series came to an abrupt end after [[Bob Chandler|Bob's]] death in [[September 2011]], a mere five days after the last video Chris posted in the series.

==Summary==

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Troll
! Calling out
!Demands
!Deadline
! Result
! Finale
|-
| [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]]
| 6 August: [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don]] 6 August: [[Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"]]
| Admit to PlayStation Network hacking Apologize to [[The Wallflower]] and her family Send Chris $1,000 Delete all of his pages from the [[CWCki]] Apologize to Chris
|31 August
| Met demands
| 9 August: [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don|Tito's official response to Chris]] 10 August: [[Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]
|-
| [[Thorg]]
| 6 August: [[Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]] 6 August: [[Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"]] 10 August: [[Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]
| Put up a [[20 December 2009#One of these things is not like the others|billboard]] in New York City saying that Chris is [[Homos|straight]] Delete all of his pages from the CWCki Apologize to Chris
|31 August
| '''Unmasked'''
| 12 August: [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada]] 20 August: [[Wristwatch-SwissWatch for Jeremy "Thorg"]] 28 August: [[Victory Rockout]]
|-
| [[Alec Benson Leary]]
| 9 August: [[Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher]]
| Apologize to Chris
|31 August
| '''Unmasked'''
| 30 August: [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal]]
|-
| [[Jack Thaddeus]]
| 16 August: [[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]] 23 August: [[Re-Calling Ahuvia]]
| Apologize to Chris
|10 September
| '''Revealed himself'''
| 29 August: [[Response to ADF]]
|-
| [[BlueSpike]]
| 23 August: [[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David]] 
| Apologize to Chris Stop people from calling Chris and yelling "JULAAAYY!"
|15 September
| Nothing *
|
|}
* Chris stopped making videos in the series after [[Bob Chandler|Bob's]] death on 4 September 2011.

==References==
<references/>

{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011| 2011-08-05 c]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Calling Out

2016-08-14T16:16:01Z

Gsbr:

'''Calling Out''' refers to a series of [[videos]] [[Chris]] uploaded from the 6-23 [[August 2011]], following an [[100 2357.MOV|eight-month hiatus]] from [[YouTube]].

The series focuses on Chris's efforts to expose the identities his various trolls. Each confrontation consists of Chris decrying the apparent traits of his trolls, such Thorg's [[Chris and religion|atheism]] and Jack Thaddeus's [[Homos|sexual interests]], followed by demands for apologies and other blackmail. Chris gives them deadlines to meet his demands, many of which are idiotic; e.g. asking Tito to send cash in the mail, or impossible, e.g. asking [[BlueSpike]] to stop random people all over the Internet from making [[prank calls]].

Chris's [[autism|gullibility]] is highlighted in the series as the "identities" of the trolls he believes he's acquired are really fellow lolcows (and in Thorg's case, an image macro template) who lack the motivation and intelligence to troll Chris, as well as having completely different voices from the trolls they're supposed to be. Even if Chris did possess the actual identities of the trolls, it wouldn't have made much of a difference because he takes no direct action against them. Instead, Chris just exposes people's personal information and expects the Internet to do the work for him of tormenting his foes. He seems to believe that if a troll's identity is revealed, all of the other trolls will turn on him and troll him instead of Chris. This is not likely.

These videos also showcase Chris's [[Tomgirl]] look, where he attempts to make himself look feminine. Chris is sporting new earrings in these videos, two on his right ear and one on his left. His [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]] are also absent. [[Chris and cinematography|Chris's camerawork]] in this series is exceptionally shitty, opting to hold the camera with his hand instead of propping it up on a surface. This results in a very shaky, Cloverfield-like viewing experience. Oblivious as always, Chris makes the videos while failing to realize that the obese horrific "tomgirl" delivering the messages overshadows the message.

The Calling Out series came to an abrupt end after [[Bob Chandler|Bob's]] death in [[September 2011]], a mere five days after the last video Chris posted in the series.

==Summary==

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Troll
! Calling out
!Demands
!Deadline
! Result
! Finale
|-
| [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]]
| 6 August: [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don]] 6 August: [[Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"]]
| Admit to PlayStation Network hacking Apologize to [[The Wallflower]] and her family Send Chris $1,000 Delete all of his pages from the [[CWCki]] Apologize to Chris
|31 August
| Met demands
| 9 August: [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don|Tito's official response to Chris]] 10 August: [[Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]
|-
| [[Thorg]]
| 6 August: [[Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]] 6 August: [[Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"]] 10 August: [[Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]
| Put up a [[20 December 2009#One of these things is not like the others|billboard]] in New York City saying that Chris is [[Homos|straight]] Delete all of his pages from the CWCki Apologize to Chris
|31 August
| '''Unmasked'''
| 12 August: [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada]] 20 August: [[Wristwatch-SwissWatch for Jeremy "Thorg"]] 28 August: [[Victory Rockout]]
|-
| [[Alec Benson Leary]]
| 9 August: [[Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher]]
| Apologize to Chris
|31 August
| '''Unmasked'''
| 30 August: [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal]]
|-
| [[Jack Thaddeus]]
| 16 August: [[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]] 23 August: [[Re-Calling Ahuvia]]
| Apologize to Chris
|10 September
| '''Revealed himself'''
| 29 August: [[Response to ADF]]
|-
| [[BlueSpike]]
| 23 August: [[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David]] 
| Apologize to Chris Stop people from calling Chris and yelling "JULAAAYY!"
|15 September
| Nothing *
|
|}
* Chris stopped making videos in the series after [[Bob Chandler|Bob's]] death on 4 September 2011.

==References==
<references/>

{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011| 2011-08-05 c]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Calling Out

2016-08-14T16:15:50Z

Gsbr:

'''Calling Out''' refers to a series of [[videos]] [[Chris]] uploaded from the 6-23 [[August 2011]], following an [[100 2357.MOV|eight-month hiatus]] from [[YouTube]].

The series focuses on Chris's efforts to expose the identities his various trolls. Each confrontation consists of Chris decrying the apparent traits of his trolls, such Thorg's [[Chris and religion|atheism]] and Jack Thaddeus's [[Homos|sexual interests]], followed by demands for apologies and other blackmail. Chris gives them deadlines to meet his demands, many of which are idiotic; e.g. asking Tito to send cash in the mail, or impossible, e.g. asking [[BlueSpike]] to stop random people all over the Internet from making [[prank calls]].

Chris's [[gullibility]] is highlighted in the series as the "identities" of the trolls he believes he's acquired are really fellow lolcows (and in Thorg's case, an image macro template) who lack the motivation and intelligence to troll Chris, as well as having completely different voices from the trolls they're supposed to be. Even if Chris did possess the actual identities of the trolls, it wouldn't have made much of a difference because he takes no direct action against them. Instead, Chris just exposes people's personal information and expects the Internet to do the work for him of tormenting his foes. He seems to believe that if a troll's identity is revealed, all of the other trolls will turn on him and troll him instead of Chris. This is not likely.

These videos also showcase Chris's [[Tomgirl]] look, where he attempts to make himself look feminine. Chris is sporting new earrings in these videos, two on his right ear and one on his left. His [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]] are also absent. [[Chris and cinematography|Chris's camerawork]] in this series is exceptionally shitty, opting to hold the camera with his hand instead of propping it up on a surface. This results in a very shaky, Cloverfield-like viewing experience. Oblivious as always, Chris makes the videos while failing to realize that the obese horrific "tomgirl" delivering the messages overshadows the message.

The Calling Out series came to an abrupt end after [[Bob Chandler|Bob's]] death in [[September 2011]], a mere five days after the last video Chris posted in the series.

==Summary==

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Troll
! Calling out
!Demands
!Deadline
! Result
! Finale
|-
| [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]]
| 6 August: [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don]] 6 August: [[Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"]]
| Admit to PlayStation Network hacking Apologize to [[The Wallflower]] and her family Send Chris $1,000 Delete all of his pages from the [[CWCki]] Apologize to Chris
|31 August
| Met demands
| 9 August: [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don|Tito's official response to Chris]] 10 August: [[Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]
|-
| [[Thorg]]
| 6 August: [[Calling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]] 6 August: [[Deadline for Don "Tito" and Jeremy "Thorg"]] 10 August: [[Re: Don, and ReCalling Out "Thorg" - Jeremy]]
| Put up a [[20 December 2009#One of these things is not like the others|billboard]] in New York City saying that Chris is [[Homos|straight]] Delete all of his pages from the CWCki Apologize to Chris
|31 August
| '''Unmasked'''
| 12 August: [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada]] 20 August: [[Wristwatch-SwissWatch for Jeremy "Thorg"]] 28 August: [[Victory Rockout]]
|-
| [[Alec Benson Leary]]
| 9 August: [[Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher]]
| Apologize to Chris
|31 August
| '''Unmasked'''
| 30 August: [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal]]
|-
| [[Jack Thaddeus]]
| 16 August: [[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]] 23 August: [[Re-Calling Ahuvia]]
| Apologize to Chris
|10 September
| '''Revealed himself'''
| 29 August: [[Response to ADF]]
|-
| [[BlueSpike]]
| 23 August: [[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David]] 
| Apologize to Chris Stop people from calling Chris and yelling "JULAAAYY!"
|15 September
| Nothing *
|
|}
* Chris stopped making videos in the series after [[Bob Chandler|Bob's]] death on 4 September 2011.

==References==
<references/>

{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011| 2011-08-05 c]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

BlueSpike

2016-08-14T15:12:56Z

Gsbr: Not accurate. The weening page acknowledges him as a successful troll.

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | <s>Sweethearts</s> Trolls
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:JULAYYYYYYYY.PNG|250px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |BlueSpike
|-
|'''Real name'''
|David
|-
| '''Alias'''
| LeonSpike Julie Milvana Max Milvana
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| c. 1996
|-
| '''Gender'''
| <s>Female</s> Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| [[Trolls|Troll]]
|-
|}
{{Articleofthenow}}
Most 13-year-old boys only dream of getting to watch an [[autistic]] [[Chris|manchild]] shove pieces of [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|CRAYOLA FUCKIN' MODEL MAGIC]] up his ass. '''BlueSpike''' (AKA '''LeonSpike''', "a 13 year old brat" according to Chris) got to live that dream, when he [[troll]]ed Chris through 2 identities: a [[sweetheart]] named '''Julie''' (aka '''JULAAAY''') and her brother '''Max'''.

The trolling caused events such as Chris admitting to Julie that he had tried a [[dildo]] and [[sex toys|anal beads]], the infamous [[sex tape]] where he fucks [[Kimmi]], a description of a future scene from [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] alluding to his [[Gay 4 Sonichu|gay fans]], how Chris hates everything that's not Aryan, his [[Bob Walks In|father walking in]] to him [[mass debating]], and other sick shit.

Due to his sadistic treatment of Chris, especially [[Julie Reveals Herself|during the Mumble call where he revealed himself as Julie]], BlueSpike remains a controversial figure among Christorians. He is also indirectly responsible for the "JULAAAAAAAAYYY!" meme, so he is partially to blame for all the [[weens]] who still find it amusing.

==Julie==
[[Image:LetterfromJulie(2of2).jpg|thumb|left|100px|What Chris believed Julie looked like.]]
[[File:ChrisandJulieLBP.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Chris and Julie, together in [[LittleBigPlanet]]. The salad days.]]
{{quote|I can tell in my heart Julie IS 19.|Chris on Julie.<ref>[[Mumble 10]]</ref>}}
{{quote|JULAAAAAAY, JULAAAAAAY!!!!|Chris professes his undying love while screwing [[Kimmi|a doll]].}}

'''Julie Milvana'''<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 5]]</ref> (born 13 July 1989<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 4]]</ref>) was a [[Molvanîa]]n Methodist<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' fan who became Chris's sweetheart after [[PandaHalo]]. Her kidnap by her evil brother Max led to Chris's ill-fated [[Ohio trip|rescue mission]] to Cleveland.

"Julie" first showed up in IRC in December [[2008]], suggesting the infamous [[Tour of Chris's House]] video.<ref>[[IRC (15 December 2008)]]</ref> She later posed a ton of ''Sonichu'' questions submitted by fans<ref>[[IRC (28 December 2008)]]</ref> and was invited to [[Sonichu Girls]]. As early as 3 [[January 2009]], she asked Chris what he would do if a [[JERK]] kidnapped his [[heartsweet]]--he said, ''"I would learn his demands if any, or if he hurt her, I'd strike the jerk back."'' Julie also got excited by the prospect of an orgy with Chris and the Sonichu Girls.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref> The next day, it was revealed that Chris had promised his virginity to both Panda and Julie, and both ladies were furious, with Julie threatening to kill herself.<ref>[[IRC (04 January 2009)]]</ref> Later she calmed down and moved to Ohio to live with relatives. Ever classy, Chris suggested a threesome with PandaHalo.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs]]</ref>

Chris refused to drive to Ohio, instead insisting that Julie come to him. He also couldn't be bothered to attack Clyde in IRC, even when he threatened Julie.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 2]]</ref>

When Chris chose [[Sarah May]] over her, Julie was crushed. Chris apologized, and then abruptly [[Autism|went back to talking about vidya]].<ref name="a">[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 4]]</ref>

Clyde Cash made more serious threats against Julie, forcing Chris to upload a famous [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|5 February 2009 video]] admitting that he was gay.<ref name="a" />

Once Chris got it into his head that PandaHalo had burned to death in a wildfire, he began to focus even more on Julie as a sweetheart.

Chris received a [[:File:LetterfromJulie(1of2).jpg|letter]] written by Julie, the first physical [[:File:LetterfromJulie(2of2).jpg|proof]] of her "existence". In it, it details the love professed by her to Chris.

That Valentine's Day, Chris uploaded [[LittleBigPlanet|an ''LBP'' level]], and Chris and Julie took their relationship to the next level with cybersex. [[Bob Chandler]] [[Bob Walks In|walked in]], and the rest is history. [[Borb|Chris's parents]] didn't believe that Julie was TRUE and HONEST.<ref>[[Bob Walks In Aftermath]]</ref>

In an infamous video on 20 [[February 2009]], Chris created a sex video for Julie with the help of his inflatable assistant Kimmi, in order to give Julie an idea of what their first time together would be like. Chris's agonized cries of "JULAAAAAAAY!" would prove one of the most striking and memorable of CWC-isms; to this date, many erroneously believe that Kimmi ''is'' Julie. This is not so; Chris may be the most desperate man alive, but he's not quite got to the point where he's convinced himself any of his sex dolls are real.

{{clear}}

==Max==
[[Image:Anon.jpg|thumb|left|100px|The mysterious Max.]]
[[Image:Nnocac.jpg|thumb|Receipts from Chris's epic journey to Cleveland. Note that he asked for no [[pickle]]s on the mayo hamburger, and that the place he at was a [[Sonic]] Drive-In.]]

Max was the evil, mysterious brother of Julie who held her against her will. On 26 February 2009, Chris valiantly [[Ohio trip|traveled to Ohio]] in a bid to rescue her and got his parents all worried. (His ancestors' spirits had wished him "a Safe Trip to Ohio" two days prior at [[Aunt Corrina]]'s funeral.)<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7]]</ref> Unfortunately, because Chris got the "wrong" address, he ended up at a run down house in the ghetto that was inhabited by an elderly [[black]] woman.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 13]]</ref>

{{Main|Julie Reveals Herself}}

On 3 [[March 2009]], Max gained control of Chris's PlayStation Network account, and during an hour-long audio session threatened to sell the PSN account and forbid Julie from seeing Chris. Chris was coerced into declaring [[BILLY MAYS]] to be the mayor of CWCville and shoving the pieces of his destroyed [[Sonichu medallion]] up his anal cavity, before he was able to talk to Julie, at which point Julie admits that both she and Max were the figments of BlueSpike's imagination. At no point did BlueSpike even mention the sex tape (which had already gotten nearly 2 million hits on SlutLoad). BlueSpike's female voice is an unconvincing falsetto, which makes it all the more hilarious (or [[duress]]ful, depending on who you talk to) that it worked so well on Chris.

This incident shattered both his [[heart level]] and his anus to 0%.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|1xo3SAwefBM}}
</center>

{{-}}

==Encyclopedia Dramatica Troll War==
[[Image:Advicespikemedallion.png|thumb|right|Kids say the darndest things.]]

On 5 [[March 2009]], an all-out civil war broke out between trolls on the Chris-chan [[ED]] discussion page on whether BlueSpike had gone too far, whether he was a hypocrite, or if he was merely a tool initiated by Clyde Cash to ruse Chris into the further milking of [[lulz]]. Suffice to say, a combination of outrage and troll remorse turned the whole event into a clusterfuck.

{{quote|If BlueSpike really is 13 years old, then we know who the real child molesters are. "hey, they made fun of YOU for doing sonic recolours?, look at this guy!". "hey! be one of the cool kids, help this autistic guy jack off, pretend to be a girl so we can video tape and record it..." . Thats the REAL reason you were shiting it and called for a 30 minute silence just after, Clyde/Mayes. At least you had the balls to say that it was you responsible in channel once. You know its not going to be pizza's at 1am, and you know its not a fucking cat. If Bluespike really is 13, then you groomed a child to perform sex acts on a mentally retarded man for your pleasure. You're fucked, son. You both broke a lolcow, but theres better sport now, ruining your lives. And dont act like you dont care, I saw you shiting yourself all that night and the next, sending waves of members out to kill threads about it or put in false names, just like Your sock earlier in the page. Ready to have a seat of there?|Wit, ED user}}

Most of the trolling involved BlueSpike having phone sex with Chris for hours each night, listening to Chris masturbating. <ref = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Gq35fqRk5E&feature=channel_page>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Gq35fqRk5E</ref> <ref = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpj5Hg80f1E>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpj5Hg80f1E</ref>  As BlueSpike was in complete control of Chris, he could have done more sinister things, but night after night he engaged in nothing but noisy, fabricated (on Blue's end) phone sex and listened to Chris very loudly go on dates with Rosie Palms. Draw your own conclusions about BlueSpike's sexuality. One such session did eventuate in the legendary interruption by the [[Internet lumberjack]].

==Today==
Today, BlueSpike is easily one of, if not ''the'' most polarizing troll in the CWChronology. Most trolls tend to frown on BlueSpike and his methods, as his methods easily echo actions done by [[weens]] and [[A-Log]]gers, though some weens yearn to return to the sadist days of BlueSpike in hopes of an age of trolling where physical pain is inflicted upon Chris.

While one might think that this level of physical and mental abuse would leave lasting scars, BlueSpike's trolling had virtually '''no''' evident long-term impact on Chris. Just a few weeks after Julie revealed her true identity, Chris had moved onto thinking he'd found another [[Ivy|sweetheart]] online, and just a few weeks after that he had no trouble believing that he was having IM sex with a [[Vanessa Hudgens|world-famous celebrity]]. The main effect it did have was that although Chris remade a new Sonichu medallion, he stopped wearing it until 1 [[July 2009]].

Chris came to believe that BlueSpike was killed at the hands of [[Clyde Cash]], from an offhand comment Cash made in [[Mumble 12]]. On [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|his version of the ED page]], Chris stated that "That little S.O.B. later died at the hands of the "[[Transformers|Starscream]]" Troll, Clyde Cash." Of course, this statement was later [[Car Pranks|revealed to be a complete and utter bluff]]. Chris himself no longer believes BlueSpike is dead, as is evident from the next section.

==Called out==
On 23 [[August 2011]], [[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David|Chris claimed]] to know BlueSpike's real identity (first name '''David''') and threatened to drop dox on him unless he made an apology video by 15 [[September 2011]]. In the video, BlueSpike was to tell people to stop calling Chris "[[Ian Brandon Anderson]]" and yelling "JULAAAAAAAAYYY!" in [[prank calls]]. Although BlueSpike did not respond to Chris' demands, the death of Bob 2 weeks later caused Chris to leave the Internet before he could reveal BlueSpike's personal information, and he ultimately lost interest in exposing his tormentor.

Even if Chris did make a video about who BlueSpike really was, it would have been for naught. The personal information Chris had actually belonged to David Harlow, a lolcow also known as [https://encyclopediadramatica.se/Nesshelper Nesshelper]. This is evidenced by Nesshelper and BlueSpike apparently sharing the same first name, the "real" photo of BlueSpike being a closeup of [https://encyclopediadramatica.se/File:Davidharlow.jpg this picture of Nesshelper], and Chris' claim of BlueSpike liking big rooms, which references a [http://vimeo.com/21478293 video rant] where Nesshelper complained about the size of a hotel room he was staying in. Aside from not being a troll and having no reason nor motivation to go after Chris, the fact that Nesshelper sounds nothing like BlueSpike in his videos makes it clear they are not the same person. Furthermore, Nesshelper was born on July 9, 1985<ref>http://nintendodojo.com/profile.aspx?id=12501</ref> and therefore would have been 23 years old during the Julie saga.

Chris was presumably given false information to highlight his [[autism|gullibility]] and possibly set up a feud between him and Nesshelper, similar to how [[Ahuviya Rotem Harel]] and [[Christopher Paul Whitney]] made negative remarks about Chris after he accused them of being [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Alec Benson Leary]] respectively. Of course, the aforementioned death of Bob prevented a conflict between the 2 from occurring; regardless, it's likely Nesshelper wasn't even aware of Chris's misguided attempt to dox him out.

==See also==
{{Fan art}}
*[[BlueSpike PSN Chats]]
*[[Bob Walks In]]
*[[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
*[[CWC Cums for a Cat]]
*[[For Julie's Eyes Only]]
*[[Julie Reveals Herself]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

==External links==

[http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=B3D68D552646B0AD BlueSpike's infamous conversation with Chris] <---- Video Removed

{{Trolls}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Julie Saga]]

William Elliott Waterman

2016-08-14T14:52:04Z

Gsbr: The evidence of his employment is on page 14 of the PDF.

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:William_Elliott_Waterman.jpg|William Elliott Waterman|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" | William Elliott Waterman
|-
| '''Full Name'''
| William Elliott Waterman
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Billy, Waterhead, Watermelon
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| 1 March 1986 (age {{Age|1986|3|1}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| [[Male]]
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[American]]
|-
| '''[[Race]]'''
| White
|-
|'''Education'''
| Champlain College (BS, software engineering)<ref>http://www.maine.gov/oit/workforce/interns/interns.shtml</ref>
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Computer programmer<ref>http://www.maine.gov/oit/workforce/documents/oitconnection_vol2_iss1.pdf</ref>
|-
|}
: ''"William" redirects here. For William Spicer, husband of [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] and character in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', see [[List of Sonichu characters#William Spicer]].''
'''William Elliott Waterman''' (born 1986 March 1) is a [[Facebook]] friend of [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] who lives in [[Wikipedia:Woolwich, Maine|Woolwich, Maine]]. He is sometimes called '''Billy''' by family and friends, and affectionately nicknamed '''Watermelon''' or '''Waterhead''' by [[trolls]].<ref>http://i44.tinypic.com/2z4a7iw.jpg</ref> William comments on Chris's Facebook posts with support, occasional advice, and off-topic remarks. He has also purchased artwork from Chris, including [[Sonichu 0|the first issue of ''Sonichu'']]. William can be considered a [[white knight]], although he claims to be a troll. Many see as an enabler of Chris's actions and a [[weening|ween]].

William came to prominence after his 7 August [[2013]] Facebook post, where he called out trolls over their treatment of Chris. The post was prompted by his name appearing on the CWCki.

Chris and William apparently met online, through William's cousin and one of Chris's most well-known enablers, [[Anna McLerran]]. William's aforementioned August 7th post indicates that they never met in person, and Chris initiated the friend request after correspondence with William, despite him being [[JERKS|male]] and having [[Asperger syndrome]]. It is unknown when William and Chris first met, but William's first activity on Chris's Facebook timeline is from May [[2013]].<ref>[[2013_Facebook_Posts#This_cold_is_really_weighing_me_down]]</ref>

In late 2015, Chris removed William from his friends list. The reason for the unfriending is unknown, but was presumably related to his activity on Kiwi Farms where he claimed to be a troll and attempted to enter a partnership with [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]]. He has since been re-added.

==Facebook==
William's Facebook comments to Chris are often short and [[Random-access humor|off topic]]. For example, after Chris found out his [[Manchester High School|high school]] [[gal pal]]s weren't TRUE and HONEST, he posted a rant about having no local friends and included pictures of [[Pokémon]] cards of Cubone and Yamask. Instead of responding to Chris wrote about, William said he liked the Pokémon.<ref>[[December 2013 Facebook posts#Friends]]</ref>

On occasion, however, William attempted to give advice to Chris, which was promptly ignored. For example, on 9 June 2013, Chris posted a rant about [[Megan Schroeder]], to which William replied, "Chris, why are you demonizing Megan? I don't think she actively did anything with the intent to make others see you the way they do. Why are you harping on something from 2007?" He followed this up by telling Chris, "I think if you were just grateful you have a friend who loves you, and didn't waste time thinking about the bad, you would be feeling a lot better."<ref>[[June_2013_Facebook_Posts#Just_re-watched_your_DVD_with_a_friend.]]</ref> On 29 May 2014, William told Chris he was being greedy for asking people to give him more Lego sets.<ref>[[May_2014_Facebook_Posts#Chris_NEEDS_MOAR_FUCKING_LEGOS]].</ref>

At times, it appeared Chris was alienating William with some of his Facebook posts. On 7 October [[2013]], Chris commented on William's profile picture suggesting that William is [[Chris and his Ego|attempting to look like Chris]] with his long [[hair]]. This prompted one of William's friends to accuse Chris of trolling and stated that William looked like that since high school.<ref>http://i44.tinypic.com/2z4a7iw.jpg</ref> Nearly two years later, Chris retracted his statement on another profile picture. William also seemed to be alienated by Chris's intense hatred for the franchise ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic Boom]]'', all just because of an arm color change. Throughout [[2015]], William continued to comment on Chris's Facebook, but was noticeably unwilling to defend Chris for his actions, and even jokingly compared him to Christian Gray from ''Fifty Shades of Grey''.

==Calling out trolls==
On 7 August [[2013]], in response to his Facebook activity being posted to the [[CWCki]], William posted a long rant on Facebook about him and Chris:

{{quotebox|7 August 2013Hello, trolls. I've seen that I'm not exempt from you plastering what I say to Chris onto your archives and announcing it on your news feed, so I'll address you all directly in an open statement. You trolls get a lot of laughs out of the things Chris has done, but what you all do isn't even funny. It's just sad. You're actually dedicating huge chunks of your daily lives stalking one lonely man on the internet. Seriously? This 'lolcow' was dried up years ago. You're not going to get anything entertaining out of him any more, and you're still trying to milk him. It's sick. NONE OF YOU are ANY BETTER THAN HIM. It doesn't matter if you're a hypocritical basement-dwelling virgin that hates him just because he exists, or you're just doing it for the 'lulls'. If somehow you're married, have a job, and have everything Chris wants, you should feel even more disgusted in yourself for doing it because you have some perversion for taking advantage of someone less fortunate instead of having empathy and compassion for them. I used to be like you morons, wasting my days sitting on my butt listening to everything you say about him. But I grew up. I have a job and a life now, but that still doesn't make me any better than him. I'm not even better than any of you. I pity all of you, but there's a chance you could be better people if you all made an effort to grow up and stop stalking and cyber-bullying with no honor. He's not shallow and picky like you think. You think you all need to go on covert field missions and disguise yourselves as girlfriends to even talk to him. I never met him in person - I'm not even a female - and he friend requested me. All I did was respect him and treat him like a HUMAN BEING. Having a heart and humbly admitting that you're at the same level as him is all it takes, but you're all too little to do that. I'm not an attention whore, but feel free to troll me if you care enough. I know you won't. You all got so lazy that you just copy and paste his activity without even writing your own commentary anymore. [[Wikipedia:EarthBound | Come and get me, losers. Spankety, spankety, spankety.]]}}<ref>http://i.imgur.com/qSCNJkR.png</ref>

Chris liked the post.

==Kiwi Farms==
As William began to squeal louder and louder for attention, his various apparent issues also came to the fore. In [[November 2015]], he joined Kiwi Farms under the name "VikingBoyBilly" (which recalls to mind Chris's similar habit of bragging about his [[Cherokee|supposed]] [[Anne Boleyn|ancestry]]) and unexpectedly contacted [[Alec Benson Leary]], who entertained his bullshit for perhaps longer than he should have.

During the course of his inane prattling, William made several false assumptions. He tried at first to goad Alec by proving himself to be the better man. William, of course, was completely blindsided by two factors: first, he was seemingly baffled by Alec's disinterest in proving his worth to a stranger on the internet, second, as he failed to prove himself to be better than Alec in any case, instead providing incredibly damning information about himself. William also tried to bargain with Alec, offering him a favourable review of [[Asperchu]], again, under the false assumption that Alec gave a shit, as he had not added to the comic in years. He also tried to turn Alec against the administration of Kiwi Farms, apparently in an attempt to take advantage of a culture of byzantine cut-throat politics that only exists in his imagination.

As aforementioned, William also revealed quite a bit about himself in the exchange - namely that he's an idiotic, [[Random-access humor|annoying]], [[Anna McLerran|attention-whoring]] [[Clyde Cash]] [[Weens|wannabe with some sort of "epic trolling plan"]], and also that he's far more [[autistic]] than most had initially assumed. Much like his cousin, Anna, he also revealed he has done very little with his life, bragging about having a transcript, which gave people the impression that he hasn't finished education. Also much like Anna, he was unable to make anyone give a shit who he was or what he had to say, for all his efforts.

==Unfriended and refriended==
A few days after the Kiwi Farms debacle, Chris made a [[November_2015_Facebook_Posts#I_Control_My_Life|Facebook post]] about William which implied that he recognized William as a "hater" who was trying to control his life. Around the same time, Chris removed William from his friends list.

By [[June 2016]], he had been re-added as a friend by Chris and continued to make off-topic comments. In a post where Chris went on a tirade against [[Cole Smithy|his estranged brother]] for not [[Chris and money|serving as an ATM]] for himself and [[Barb]], William [[Ego|redirected the topic to himself]] by picking a fight with [[Kim Wilson]] and also posted about his [[video games|autistic interests]].

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Not_Jerks}}

{{DEFAULTSORT: Waterman, William Elliott}}
[[Category:People]]

Kenneth Erwin Engelhardt

2016-08-14T13:52:11Z

Gsbr:

<div style="position:fixed; bottom:0; right:0">[[Image:Kengle_Pop-up.gif|55px]]</div>
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:260px-Kenneth_Erwin_Englehardt.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" | Kenneth Erwin Englehardt
|-
| '''Full Name'''
| Kenneth Erwin Englehardt
|-
| '''Nickname'''
| Kengle
|-
| '''Religion'''
| [[Chris and religion#Islam|Muslim]]
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| 2 March 1960 (age {{Age|1960|3|2}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| [[Male]]
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[American]]
|-
| '''[[Race]]'''
| White
|-
| '''Education'''
| DeKalb Technical College ([[Wikipedia:Associate_degree#United_States|AAS]], accounting)
Kennesaw State University ([[Wikipedia:Bachelor of Business Administration|BBA]], accounting)
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Bookkeeper, amateur artist
|-
|}

'''Kenneth Erwin Englehardt''' (born 2 March 1960), affectionately nicknamed '''Kengle''' by Christorians, is one of [[Chris]]'s [[Facebook]] [[white knights]]. As an overweight, inept, autistic, middle-aged, part-time bookkeeper and accountant with a penchant for creating bizarre artwork, Kengle naturally feels as though he shares a lot in common with him.

Kengle is also notable for being one of two confirmed genuine fans of [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] during the comic's run (another being [[The July 10th Messages#True_Fan|Sonichuizcool]]).

== Relationship with Chris ==
Kengle's intentions towards Chris seem entirely [[True and Honest]]. Kenneth will often give praise to Chris when he feels there is justification in doing so. A notable example of this was praising on Christian on some of his artwork of a [[medallion]], having an opinion on a [[video game]], and breathing in and out. That being said, he'll occasionally make what appears to be a subtle jab at Chris, and even outright call him out when he's clearly in the wrong, in particular over the events of [[26 December 2014]].

Kenneth is well-known for his artwork: Sonichen and Rosechen [http://www.sonichenandrosechen.com/]. While he was initially rejected as a troll by Chris, this is no longer the case, and they have been Facebook friends for quite a while. Kenneth remains the only person on record to have made a Sonichu-derivative website. Occasionally, he does post on Chris's Facebook statuses. There is some debate on whether Kenneth can be considered a member of Chris's inner circle on Facebook, (as they do have a number of mutual friends, the most notable being [[William Elliott Waterman]]), but Kenneth is often flatly ignored and sometimes treated contemptuously by Chris. Despite being known as a lolcow amongst lolcow enthusiasts, by and large he is actually quite well-liked on Facebook.

Kenneth has also hosted anti-bullying forums in the past, on Sonichu.org and Spergweb.com. Technical issues (caused by his unfamiliarity with forum design) and trolling forced these off the Internet. While Chris did express interest in his idea of making a fan-site, this did not materialize due to Kenneth's unfamiliarity with Dreamweaver.

Kengle has also bought several of Chris' [[eBay]] items, and sent him some sardines after Chris's [[Destruction Of Chris's House|house burned down]]. Kengle is considered a lolcow in his own right in part due to his bizarre [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] fan comic ''Sonichen''. It is not known what Chris thinks of this parody, but according to Kenneth himself Chris takes a neutral stance.
Ken once bought a ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' comic book. The problem was that it contained a preview for ''[[Sonic Boom]]'' at the start, which predictably got Chris hotheaded.

Although Kengle is classified as lolcow in his own right in part due to his bizarre artwork and websites, he is considered more of a borderline/low-grade cow compared to more infamous cows on the forum. It was recently noted that Kenneth's Sonichen and Rosechen website was dismantled and rebuilt as a general website to exhibit his artwork. Whether the comic will return remains to be seen.

==Relationship with Trolls==
Kengle was temporarily banned from the [[Kiwi Farms]] because he does not seem to comprehend that there are [[trolls|mean people on the Internet]], and instead believes that everyone is genuinely interested in Chris as a cool famous Internet dude who everyone wants to befriend. A thread was made specifically about Kengle, and it has ballooned to over 200 pages, and counting.

In many ways, Kengle is the [[Rosechu]] to Chris's [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]; a useless borderline-NPC character who shows up occasionally to be mildly annoying.

==External Links==
* [http://www.sonichenandrosechen.com/ Kengle's ''Sonichen'' website.] '''Note:''' Will cause nightmares.
* [http://www.kennethengelhardt.com Ken's official website]
* [http://lolcow.wiki/wiki/Kenneth_Erwin_Engelhardt Kengle on the Lolcow Wiki]

{{people}}
[[Category:People]]

William Elliott Waterman

2016-08-12T23:31:55Z

Gsbr: Updated information.

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:William_Elliott_Waterman.jpg|William Elliott Waterman|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" | William Elliott Waterman
|-
| '''Full Name'''
| William Elliott Waterman
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Billy, Waterhead, Watermelon
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| 1 March 1986 (age {{Age|1986|3|1}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| [[Male]]
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[American]]
|-
| '''[[Race]]'''
| White
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| None
|-
|}
: ''"William" redirects here. For William Spicer, husband of [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] and character in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', see [[List of Sonichu characters#William Spicer]].''
'''William Elliott Waterman''' (born March 1, 1986) is a [[Facebook]] friend of [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] who lives in [[Wikipedia:Woolwich, Maine|Woolwich, Maine]]. He is sometimes called '''Billy''' by family and friends, and affectionately nicknamed '''Watermelon''' or '''Waterhead''' by [[trolls]].<ref>http://i44.tinypic.com/2z4a7iw.jpg</ref> William comments on Chris's Facebook posts with support, occasional advice, and off-topic remarks. He can be considered a [[white knight]] and is often seen as an enabler of Chris's actions.

William came to prominence after his 7 August [[2013]] Facebook post, where he called out [[trolls]] over their treatment of Chris. The post was prompted by his name appearing on the CWCki.

Chris and William apparently met online, through William's cousin and one of Chris's most well-known enablers, [[Anna McLerran]]. William's aforementioned August 7th post indicates that they never met in person, and Chris initiated the friend request after correspondence with William. It is unknown when William and Chris first met, but William's first activity on Chris's Facebook timeline is from May [[2013]].<ref>[[2013_Facebook_Posts#This_cold_is_really_weighing_me_down]]</ref> A post from 3 August indicates that William discussed Chris with Anna, who told William about how far back she and Christian go.<ref>http://i.imgur.com/Vzyfg48.png</ref>

In late 2015, Chris removed William from his friends list. The reason for the unfriending is unknown, but was presumably related to his activity on Kiwi Farms where he claimed to be a troll and attempted to enter a partnership with [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]]. He has since been re-added.

==Facebook==
William's Facebook comments to Chris are often short and [[Random-access humor|off topic]]. For example, after Chris found out his [[Manchester High School|high school]] [[gal pal]]s weren't TRUE and HONEST, he posted a rant about having no local friends and included pictures of [[Pokémon]] cards of Cubone and Yamask. Instead of responding to Chris wrote about, William said he liked the Pokémon.<ref>[[December 2013 Facebook posts#Friends]]</ref>

On occasion, however, William attempted to give advice to Chris, which was promptly ignored. For example, on 9 June 2013, Chris posted a rant about [[Megan Schroeder]], to which William replied, "Chris, why are you demonizing Megan? I don't think she actively did anything with the intent to make others see you the way they do. Why are you harping on something from 2007?" He followed this up by telling Chris, "I think if you were just grateful you have a friend who loves you, and didn't waste time thinking about the bad, you would be feeling a lot better."<ref>[[June_2013_Facebook_Posts#Just_re-watched_your_DVD_with_a_friend.]]</ref> On 29 May 2014, William told Chris he was being greedy for asking people to give him more Lego sets.<ref>[[May_2014_Facebook_Posts#Chris_NEEDS_MOAR_FUCKING_LEGOS]].</ref>

At times, it appeared Chris was alienating William with some of his Facebook posts. On 7 October [[2013]], Chris commented on William's profile picture suggesting that William is [[Chris and his Ego|attempting to look like Chris]] with his long [[hair]]. This prompted one of William's friends to accuse Chris of trolling and stated that William looked like that since high school.<ref>http://i44.tinypic.com/2z4a7iw.jpg</ref> Nearly two years later, Chris retracted his statement on another profile picture. William also seemed to be alienated by Chris's intense hatred for the franchise ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic Boom]]'', all just because of an arm color change. Throughout [[2015]], William continued to comment on Chris's Facebook, but was noticeably unwilling to defend Chris for his actions, and even jokingly compared him to Christian Gray from ''Fifty Shades of Grey''.

==Calling out trolls==
On 7 August [[2013]], in response to his Facebook activity being posted to the [[CWCki]], William posted a long rant on Facebook about him and Chris:

{{quotebox|7 August 2013Hello, trolls. I've seen that I'm not exempt from you plastering what I say to Chris onto your archives and announcing it on your news feed, so I'll address you all directly in an open statement. You trolls get a lot of laughs out of the things Chris has done, but what you all do isn't even funny. It's just sad. You're actually dedicating huge chunks of your daily lives stalking one lonely man on the internet. Seriously? This 'lolcow' was dried up years ago. You're not going to get anything entertaining out of him any more, and you're still trying to milk him. It's sick. NONE OF YOU are ANY BETTER THAN HIM. It doesn't matter if you're a hypocritical basement-dwelling virgin that hates him just because he exists, or you're just doing it for the 'lulls'. If somehow you're married, have a job, and have everything Chris wants, you should feel even more disgusted in yourself for doing it because you have some perversion for taking advantage of someone less fortunate instead of having empathy and compassion for them. I used to be like you morons, wasting my days sitting on my butt listening to everything you say about him. But I grew up. I have a job and a life now, but that still doesn't make me any better than him. I'm not even better than any of you. I pity all of you, but there's a chance you could be better people if you all made an effort to grow up and stop stalking and cyber-bullying with no honor. He's not shallow and picky like you think. You think you all need to go on covert field missions and disguise yourselves as girlfriends to even talk to him. I never met him in person - I'm not even a female - and he friend requested me. All I did was respect him and treat him like a HUMAN BEING. Having a heart and humbly admitting that you're at the same level as him is all it takes, but you're all too little to do that. I'm not an attention whore, but feel free to troll me if you care enough. I know you won't. You all got so lazy that you just copy and paste his activity without even writing your own commentary anymore. [[Wikipedia:EarthBound | Come and get me, losers. Spankety, spankety, spankety.]]}}<ref>http://i.imgur.com/qSCNJkR.png</ref>

Chris liked the post.

==Kiwi Farms==
As William began to squeal louder and louder for attention, his various apparent issues also came to the fore. In [[November 2015]], he joined Kiwi Farms under the name "VikingBoyBilly" (which recalls to mind Chris's similar habit of bragging about his [[Cherokee|supposed]] [[Anne Boleyn|ancestry]]) and unexpectedly contacted [[Alec Benson Leary]], who entertained his bullshit for perhaps longer than he should have.

During the course of his inane prattling, William made several false assumptions. He tried at first to goad Alec by proving himself to be the better man. William, of course, was completely blindsided by two factors: first, he was seemingly baffled by Alec's disinterest in proving his worth to a stranger on the internet, second, as he failed to prove himself to be better than Alec in any case, instead providing incredibly damning information about himself. William also tried to bargain with Alec, offering him a favourable review of [[Asperchu]], again, under the false assumption that Alec gave a shit, as he had not added to the comic in years. He also tried to turn Alec against the administration of Kiwi Farms, apparently in an attempt to take advantage of a culture of byzantine cut-throat politics that only exists in his imagination.

As aforementioned, William also revealed quite a bit about himself in the exchange - namely that he's an idiotic, [[Random-access humor|annoying]], [[Anna McLerran|attention-whoring]] [[Clyde Cash]] [[Weens|wannabe with some sort of "epic trolling plan"]], and also that he's far more [[autistic]] than most had initially assumed. Much like his cousin, Anna, he also revealed he has done very little with his life, bragging about having a transcript, which is essentially nothing more than proof that he hasn't finished education. Also much like Anna, he was unable to make anyone give a shit who he was or what he had to say, for all his efforts.

==Unfriended and refriended==
A few days after the Kiwi Farms debacle, William was unfriended by Chris on Facebook. The exact reason why Chris removed him from his friends list is unknown, but a [[November_2015_Facebook_Posts#I_Control_My_Life|Facebook post]] made around the same time implied that Chris recognized William as a "hater" who was trying to control his life.

By [[June 2016]], he had been re-added as a friend by Chris and continued to make off-topic comments. In a post where Chris went on a tirade against [[Cole Smithy|his estranged brother]] for not [[Chris and money|serving as an ATM]] for himself and [[Barb]], William [[Ego|redirected the topic to himself]] by picking a fight with [[Kim Wilson]] and also posted about his [[video games|autistic interests]].

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Not_Jerks}}

{{DEFAULTSORT: Waterman, William Elliott}}
[[Category:People]]

Piedmont Virginia Community College

2016-08-07T18:59:18Z

Gsbr:

:''For other uses of "PVCC", see [[PVCC|the disambiguation page]].''

[[Image:RealPVCCLogo.jpg|thumb|The public education system has failed us miserably...]]

'''Piedmont Virginia Community College''' is Chris's collegiate [[Wikipedia:alma mater|''alma mater'']], a [[Wikipedia:Community college|community college]] located in [[Charlottesville, Virginia]]. At PVCC, [[Chris]] earned an [[Wikipedia:Applied science|Applied Science]] Associate's Degree in [[CADD|Computer-Aided Drafting and Design]]. After [[Slow-in-the-minds|five years of study]], Chris earned his degree, even though students are expected to earn associate's degrees after two years in the U.S. He also made the Dean's List, or so he claims.<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga]]: "I earned two degrees in Computer Aided Drafting and Design at Piedmont Virginia Community College, and made the Dean's List."</ref>

In the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]], PVCC is the realm of the evil witch [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. In real life, Walsh, in her role as Dean of Student Affairs, gave Chris a hard time on his [[Love Quest]] and at points shattered his heart, lowering his [[heart level|level]] to nearly zero. Chris took revenge in his own inimitable fashion, making her into a character in his comics: the evil witch in command of a villainous group known as the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]].

==Chris's academic life==

Chris probably both unwilling and unable to go to a better school, so PVCC was chosen for his collegiate career, likely by his parents.

As a community college, the institution is not prestigious, accepting all applicants and not offering any degrees higher than an associate's. Nevertheless, we have its Dean of Student Services to thank for teaching (or at least attempting to teach) Chris some of the best lessons of his life - much to his chagrin, of course.

Chris began classes in PVCC in [[2000#September|September 2000]]. For reasons unknown, even to Chris, he originally chose Marketing as his major. [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] quickly transferred Chris to the [[CADD]] track, probably considering it a more attainable goal for Chris, this being a time before Bob had completely given up on Chris as a functioning adult.<ref>[[Jackie_E-mails#Chris_is_lazy.2C_Hates_simple_chores]]</ref>

Chris has said very little about his college academic career and appears to have learned even less. We do know that by the grace of God he graduated (having taken '''five years'''), and according to the PVCC Student Handbook in force while Chris was a student, he had to earn the following credits to acquire his particular '''two-year''' degree. Note that the college considered 15 credits per semester to be a normal load, and 12 to be the minimum.

[[Image:Matchdotcom1.jpeg|thumb|For reference, this is what Chris wore to college.]]

3 - English Composition

3 - Humanities/Fine Arts

6 - Social/Behavioral Sciences

3 - Math or Natural Sciences

2 - Wellness

1 - Student Development

12 - Specific to CADD degree

35 - Other major related, not specified.

______________________

65 - Total<ref>[[https://web.archive.org/web/20050122014451/http://pvcc.edu/College%20Catalog%202004-2006%20%20for%20web/piedmont_virginia_community_coll.htm]]</ref>

For the CADD degree specifically, Chris's requirements were:

3 - Computer-Aided Drafting I

3 - Computer-Aided Drafting II

6 - Additional courses approved by advisor.

________________________

12 - Total<ref>[[https://web.archive.org/web/20040324223330/http://www.pvcc.edu/cadlab/csc-m.htm]]</ref>

In other words, his CADD advisor would have played a very large role in guiding Chris towards the appropriate background and prerequisite courses. The nature of this relationship is unknown, but it can safely be assumed that Chris was passive and uninterested in what was decided for him. [[Bob]] probably had more contact with the CADD faculty than Chris did.

When Chris entered the college, he was required to consult with an academic counselor, who would also help him plan a schedule. He was also no doubt in close touch with the Counseling Center throughout his time there, given his mandates (see below).

We know that Chris took at least one infamous English class. He also took Tennis to fulfill his Wellness requirement.<ref>[[MySpace messages]]</ref> He also took a course in HTML.<ref>[[Regina e-mails]]</ref> To learn more, someone will need to dig through Chris's trash again.

One "mystery" is why it took Chris so long to finish. Even taking his suspension into account, he needed ten semesters to earn a degree which officially should have taken two. Chris has never indicated that he had academic trouble, consistently asserting on his contemporary dating site profiles that he was doing just fine, the only exception being his prejudiced [[jerk]] English professor. One factor might have been the switch in majors from Marketing to CADD; he would not have been able to count specific marketing classes towards his new degree. Another possibility is that he was going to school part-time, preferring to spend a greater portion of his days playing [[games|vidya]].

==Kicked out of English==

Chris's first great PVCC trauma occurred when he was kicked out of an [[Chris and English|English]] class on his [[Chris's birthday|birthday]].

Chris at one point claimed that his class was reading ''[[wikipedia:Wednesday's Child (novel)|Wednesday's Child]]'', a story about an [[autism|autistic]] girl who [[Death threats|brutally murders people]].<ref>[http://www.amazon.com/Wednesdays-Child-Inspector-Banks-Novels/dp/0380820498]</ref> Chris said that he told his [[JERKS|male]] professor that he, too, was autistic. This apparently resulted in Chris's ejection from that class on 24 [[February 2003]], Chris's twenty-first birthday, and many tears were shed. According to Chris, the reason for his ejection was the professor's misunderstanding and fear of autism. Chris later passed the course when he retook it with a [[gal pal|female professor]].

[[List of Chris's Lies|Of course]], Chris's account of the story bears little resemblance to reality. In conversations with his [[gal pal|gal-pal]]s years afterward, Chris admitted that the topic of [[homos|homosexuality]] had come up in a group discussion in class. Chris made a derogatory and inappropriate comment (in his words, he emitted "exclamations you'd likely hear from a [[Niggos|black person]] in [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]]"), and was promptly told to leave the classroom.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 5|Jackie Chat #5]]</ref> What exactly he said will forever remain mystery, but given the [[Virginia|circumstances]] it must have been fairly severe. It may have been that the professor was gay himself.

PVCC gave professors considerable leeway in disciplining their students. From the 2004-06 Student Handbook:<ref>[[https://web.archive.org/web/20050122014451/http://pvcc.edu/College%20Catalog%202004-2006%20%20for%20web/piedmont_virginia_community_coll.htm]]</ref>

{{quotebox|When unruly or otherwise unacceptable behavior occurs in a classroom or lab, the instructor may immediately have the student who is causing the problem leave the classroom. It is the student’s responsibility to contact the instructor as soon as possible, and at the latest before the next meeting of the class or lab to attempt to reconcile the problem. If not resolved, and/or in the most serious cases, such as when a student has previously been removed from the class or when the behavior is a serious violation of the rights of others (i.e., threats of violence or other acts of hostility), the faculty member may prefer to deny the student’s return to the course. In these cases, the faculty member must file a written charge (available in the Admissions and Records Office) that proposes the removal of the student from the course....Once a charge is filed, the case will be settled by following the Procedure for Making and Hearing Charges Against Students.}}

The Handbook defined disorderly conduct as including "loud noise that is disruptive to college functions," "obscene or abusive language or [[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha|gestures]]," or "threatening or hostile language." This pretty much covers the waterfront of Chris's typical behaviors.

Given that Chris never reads the fine print (or even the large print), he was doubtlessly unaware of these legalistic niceties. Chris has not specified whether he was actually permanently expelled from the class by the professor, or if he just chose not to return.

At any rate, according to Chris, after being kicked out he sat at a table by himself and cried. As well as reinforcing Chris's [[JERKS|hatred of men]], this event also (albeit for no obvious reason) inspired Chris to begin his [[Love Quest]].<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Start of my Sweetheart Search]]</ref>

==Kicked out of college==
When Fall semester began in the fourth year of Chris's education, he began his [[Love Quest]] in earnest - academia be damned. For two months, Chris taped his [[Attraction Sign]] to the wall in the PVCC lobby, usually standing or sitting next to it. On 7 October 2003, however, Chris fell prey to [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Dean of Student Services, who allegedly ripped up his sign, yelled at him in "a very violent manner," and harshly criticized his methods. Given Chris's history of delusional thinking and revising past events when it comes to confrontations with authority figures, it is highly unlikely that this is what transpired. While Chris assumed she was simply a force of pure malice dedicated to keeping him a frustrated virgin, her official justification is not known, although the likeliest given reason was simply that Chris was [[Carlos Chantor|soliciting sex]] on college property, which unsurprisingly created an uncomfortable environment for the unfortunate females he was undoubtedly leering at (as well as the JERK males he was glowering at).

In any case, Chris made another sign and put it up, but it was simply torn down again. For the rest of the semester Chris stopped his solicitations, but in the new year he implemented his new plan; he inundated the campus with copies of his monthly, ''[[Sonichu's News Dash|Sonichu's News Dash!]]''. This publication was predictably chiefly concerned with Chris and his all-consuming need for a girlfriend, with the Sonichu franchise firmly in the periphery. It can be assumed Chris also began using the Attraction Sign again to supplement his pamphleteering.

At this stage, the College had numerous legal avenues they could take to force Chris to stop. The pamphleteering (as Chris was doing it) was blatantly illegal:<ref>[[https://web.archive.org/web/20050122014451/http://pvcc.edu/College%20Catalog%202004-2006%20%20for%20web/piedmont_virginia_community_coll.htm]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Before beginning distribution of petitions, handbills, signs, or pieces of literature, students or registered student organizations, individuals, or groups must submit to the student activities office a copy of such for distribution approval.}}

If this wasn't enough, the college also defined illegal activities as including "misuse of public or private property," "sexual harassment," "disruption of normal functioning of the college," "harassment of any other person on college property," and "violation of any other college policy or regulation." Chris defied every one of these literally hundreds of times.

Chris managed to get out two issues of the News Dash before direct intervention occurred. In late January 2004, he was summoned to a meeting with Walsh as well as Susan Hannifan from the Office of Advisement and Counseling, who specialized in Disability Support Services<ref>[[https://web.archive.org/web/20060117133529/http://www.pvcc.edu/directories/SearchStaff.asp?CAT=EPE]]</ref> who, considering her position, would have been extremely courteous and obliging to Chris (to the extent possible) and would also have had a good understanding of Chris's condition. Chris, however, despised Hannifan and was giving her "the silent treatment" at this time (something Susan probably would have been happy about). At the February 9 meeting, Chris was told in no uncertain terms that he could not distribute the News Dash, and presumably also ordered (again) not to use his Sign either. According to him, he incurred a haranguing from Walsh, who for her troubles found herself on the receiving end of a [[Chris and Reality|lecture from Sonichu]], punctuated by a loud [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]].

Chris then significantly escalated the situation in two ways. Upon returning home from his meeting, he wrote in his [[diary]],

{{quote|I AM VERY [[anger|ANGRY]] AT THAT [[Censorship|XXXXX]]! In response, I plan to incite the masses, and hope they DEMAND the return the News Dash so my chances on getting a girlfriend can be restored. I have also declared WAR on them as well!}}

The following day, he posted on his [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|website]]:

{{quotebox|
'''Sonichu's News Dash! has been taken away by Mary Lee Walsh!
'''

'''Mary Lee Walsh has taken the Sonichu's News Dash! and made it illegal on PVCC property.'''

'''But it is not too late; go to Mary's office and DEMAND that the News Dash should stay running on Piedmont Virginia Community College!'''

To annoy her, send her an email!}}

He helpfully included a link.
[[File:139-CWCsDarkGlare.jpg|thumb|right|Probably something like this.]]
Chris also sent Walsh an angry note which "communicated an 'intimidating glare' in a pictorial fashion."<ref>[[Autism papers]]</ref> Walsh correctly interpreted this as harassment, and accordingly she set in motion disciplinary procedures.

On paper,<ref>[[https://web.archive.org/web/20050122014451/http://pvcc.edu/College%20Catalog%202004-2006%20%20for%20web/piedmont_virginia_community_coll.htm]]</ref> any member of the PVCC community who initiated charges against a student would have said charges investigated by the Dean of Student Services. In this case, however, it was the Dean herself who was filing the charges. How the college dealt with this paradox is unknown; perhaps one of Mary's colleagues investigated instead. What is clear, however, is that Chris had stupidly attacked the one person at the college who was most knowledgeable about how to expel students. It is also almost certain that Walsh herself would not have partaken in the disciplinary decision concerning Chris, as she was involved in the incidents and thus would have been obligated to abstain from judgement.

Again on paper, Chris would have been given five days to address the allegations against him. At this point, the college had the choice to simply give Chris a written warning. Instead, they wisely decided to treat the matter seriously enough to assemble the College Hearing Committee, which would discuss the possibility of suspension or expulsion. In ten days there would be a hearing, to which Chris could bring people to defend him.

In reality, there were "several hearings," and the decision to suspend Chris wasn't made until September.<ref>[[Autism papers]]</ref> It is almost a certainty that Chris allowed others to fight this battle for him, in this case his parents. And knowing what we do about Barb and Bob, they likely fought tooth and nail to shield Chris from the slightest punishment. On March 2, Walsh met with Chris and his parents and, in his words, "tried to frame me, just to giver [sic] her an excuse to boot me out of PVCC." This angered Chris and his parents.<ref>[[CWC's Diary]]</ref>

On 16 September 2004, Chris was informed that he had been suspended for one year. In order to return, he would need to take anger management classes, get a psychological evaluation, and receive "social skills counseling."<ref>[[Autism papers]]</ref><ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]</ref> Thus, we have the [[autism papers]]. He apparently completed these tasks and was allowed to return to campus, and he was attending classes again in Fall 2005.

==Graduation==
After spending five years on a degree that is expected to take only two, Chris graduated with an associate's degree in Applied Science and a [[CADD]] certificate. Chris has repeatedly and fallaciously claimed to have two degrees, seemingly not understanding that his certificate and his associate's degree are two separate things.<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 4|BlueSpike PSN Chat #4]]</ref><ref>[[CWC - Hand Drawn Original]]</ref><ref>[[IRC (26 October 2008)]]</ref><ref>[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref><ref>[[IRC (24 October 2008)]]</ref>

As opposed to his [[Manchester_High_School#Graduation|high school graduation]], Chris didn't seem to care about graduating from college, likely because of his perceived antagonisation during his studies there. On the big day, Chris wore not only his [[Sonichu medallion]], but his gown, tassel, and [[honor roll]] stole from [[Manchester High School|high school]].

<center>
<gallery>
Image:0710-CWCCollGrad1.jpg|Graduation
Image:0711-CWCCollGrad2.jpg|Such is his disdain for college, he's wearing the [[medallion]] and the same [[Chris and fashion|shirt of fail]] he draws himself in.
Image:0712-CWCCollGrad3.jpg|And as usual, Chris couldn't care less and he disrobed himself like a small child.
Image:0714-PVCCCaddDeg2.jpg|His Associate of Applied Science degree.
Image:0713-PVCCCaddDeg1.jpg|His CADD certificate. Chris insists this is a degree, but the [[Commonwealth of Virginia]] begs to differ.
Image:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|"Student featured in ''[[Nintendo Power]]''."
</gallery>
</center>

==PVCC as viewed by Chris==
Christian Weston Chandler refers to Piedmont Virginia Community College as the '''Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens''' (abbreviated '''PVCCitizens'''; or, on one occasion, as '''Piedmont Virginity College'''<ref>[[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation]]</ref>) due to the grudge he holds against the college. Within the context of his [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] comics, Christian has characterized the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens as the headquarters for the activities of the villains of [[CWCville]].

As you can imagine, when the [[troll]] message boards were created, [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|it simply had to be christened with this name]].

==See also==
* [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]
* [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)]]

== Sources ==
<references />

==External links==
{{CWCipedia}}
* [[Wikipedia:Piedmont Virginia Community College|Wikipedia article on PVCC]]
* [http://www.pvcc.edu/ PVCC website]

{{Places}}

[[Category:Attraction Locations]]
[[Category:Education]]
[[Category:Places]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

Reading: "A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire"

2016-08-07T18:45:47Z

Gsbr:

{{Quote|as this Is the first time ever reading it, you will see fresh responses in my facial expressions.|Chris}}
'''Reading: "A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire"''' is a video uploaded 30 [[July 2016]], to an alternate Youtube account, in which Chris reads from ''[[A Girl Who Brought Down the World]]'', a 2008 novelette by [[Vivian Gee]] that she sent him 7 years prior. Chris claimed not to have been paid for doing this.

Also of note, Chris and Barb still haven't unpacked all their boxes since moving back home a year and a half ago.

On 7 August, Chris reuploaded the video to his CwcvilleGuardian account after his two week ban from uploading videos expired, but misspelled the title as '''Reading "A Girl Who Fought the World", and a House Fire as Well'''.

==Description==
{{quotebox|Reading Chapter One

This is Not a Paid request; I genuinely have been curious in this near-decade old book, and I take any parodies with the grain of salt, regardless. And as this Is the first time ever reading it, you will see fresh responses in my facial expressions.

via YouTube Capture}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Reading: "A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Co2vuyVtHWM}}
| stardate = 30 [[July 2016]]
| maker = Christine Chandler
| subject = [[Vivian Gee]], ''[[A Girl Who Brought Down the World]]''
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| shirt = blue
| saga = [[Financhu Crisis]]
| previous = [[Machine Romans]]
|next =
}}

===Transcript===

{{transcript}}

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2016]]
[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Vivian]]

A Girl Who Brought Down the World

2016-08-06T23:44:27Z

Gsbr: /* Chapter 23: Everything */

"'''A Girl Who Brought Down the World'''" is a [[Wikipedia:Novelette|novelette]] written by [[vivitheg]] for [[wikipedia:National Novel Writing Month|NaNoWriMo]] 2008. It imagines a scenario that [[trolls]] have imagined for some time - what if [[Chris]] ruled the world?

The novelette also serves as an allegorical moral tale for Chris, with hopes Chris would see some parallel to his own life and do something to correct it.

== Chris's response ==

A copy was sent to Chris. His response was "I like the cover"<ref>[[Mumble 2]]</ref> and expressed concerns that he was being charged for it.

{{Quotebox|I just received a copy of your book, "A Girl who Brought Down the World", from createspace.com in the mail. I'm writing this e-mail to inquire of who's paying for the book? Because the Billing Address had MY address in it in the enclosed receipt. Look, I appreciate the gesture, but I wish for the issue to be straightened out from the author who most likely did the dirty work of sending it and the bill my way.

Again, who is paying for this book? Please reply.

Merry Christmas,
Christian W. Chandler.}}

NaNoWriMo participants get one free copy of their novels from CreateSpace, so vivitheg likely told them to send it to Chris.

Chris never read the book. Instead, he lied about reading it and gave it to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|his pastor]] as a Christmas gift. Soon after, Chris reported that she hated the book and he hates it too.<ref>[[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]</ref> A few days later he admitted to Vivian that he never read it, but [[Lies|promised]] to "make time" to read it soon.<ref>[[Vivian_Gee_E-mails,_2010#Are_you_doing_anything.3F_.E2.80.94_21_January]]</ref>

In July of 2016, Chris began reading the story on his youtube channel out of personal interest.

== Plot summary==
===Chapter 1: Neighbors===

A young girl named Kid has just moved to a new city with her parents, Miles and Mimi, and her older sister, [[Vivian Gee|Vivian]]. Vivian quickly gets bored of sitting around the house and brings Kid with her to meet their new next-door neighbor: a large, smelly man named [[Christian Weston Chandler|Christopher Winnfield Vega]].

Christopher, who goes by “Chris”, goes into great detail explaining to Vivian and Kid how he once lost his [[gal-pal]], [[Megan|Melanie]]. Getting creeped out by Chris's story of a duel won and a beloved lost, Vivian tells Kid that Chris is “[[Santa Claus]]’s evil brother”, and the two of them flee his house.

After hearing about how rudely Vivian treated Chris, Mimi invites him over for dinner the next evening as a way of patching things up. Chris finds Mimi attractive but shudders when he learns that her racial identity is [[Niggos|part-African]]. He nevertheless graciously accepts her dinner invitation.

===Chapter 2: Memories===

Vivian is desperate to learn more about Chris, so she brings Kid with her to Waynesworth Enterprises to find and question Melanie, who works there. Soon after arriving at Waynesworth, Vivian admits to Kid that Chris isn’t really “Santa Claus's evil brother”… just a terrible person.

Once Vivian and Kid locate Melanie, who goes by “Mel”, they’re told all about how she has a restraining order against Chris because of his constant sexual harassment in the past. Mel insists on telling the girls’ parents about Chris, and she heads home with the two of them.

As the girls return, Chris notices from his bedroom window that Mel is with them, and he assumes that Vivian and Kid are trying to help him reunite with her. He labors to make himself look presentable and heads next door only to be told by Mimi that their dinner plans are off.

===Chapter 3: Cops===

Kid emerges from her room to find the house in ruins. Turning on the news, she learns that her family, Mel, Chris, and [[Jerkop|the police]] are all involved in one big high-speed chase. Chris can't be stopped because a new law states that harming him in any way may result in life imprisonment.

As the family’s car runs out of gas, Miles is forced to pull over into a gas station. Chris pulls over in turn and heads after Mel on foot. Soon, Chris has lowered his pants around his ankles only to trip over them, and the police have rescued Mel and Kid's family for the time being.

While everyone is waiting around at the police station, Chris’s half-brother, [[Cole Smithey|Jones Brimley]], shows up and offers to let them all stay at his place, where they should be safe from Chris. Meanwhile, back at the gas station, Chris finally picks himself up and resumes his [[love quest]] for Mel.

===Chapter 4: Asylum===

At his mansion, Jones explains to Mel and Kid's family that living with his failure of a half-brother had inspired him to move out in search of success. That night, Chris scales the mansion's electric fence and is stopped only by the sight of Jones's female bodyguard stripping naked.

Soon afterward, [[Wikipedia:Republican Party (United States)|the Republican Party]] announces that Chris will be their next presidential candidate. One year later, Chris is elected [[A Public Announcement for Congress|President]] in a landslide victory, just as feared. He immediately announces that he will put an end to terrorism, [[Wikipedia:Democratic Party (United States)|the Democratic Party]], and [[Homos|gay rights]].

Chris adds that [[Sonichu (character)|Rabbichoso]], an "original" fictional character of his creation, will be serving as his VP. His first official act as President is to offer cash rewards for Mel’s capture and the murder of Kid’s family. Vivian declares that her family must somehow kill Chris before he can kill them.

===Chapter 5: Staff===

Chris goes on air to name his Cabinet. [[Punchy|Fighting Rabbichoso]] will be his [[Wikipedia:United States Secretary of State|Secretary of State]], [[Wild|Grass Rabbichoso]] his [[Wikipedia:United States Secretary of Agriculture|Secretary of Agriculture]], [[Angelica|Holy Bunnichoso]] his [[Wikipedia:United States Secretary of the Interior|Secretary of the Interior]], and [[Bubbles|Water Bunnichoso]] his [[Wikipedia:United States Secretary of Health and Human Services|Secretary of Health]]. [[Magi-Chan|Psychic Rabbichoso]] will be his Secretary of Dating.

Chris next announces that he's still seeking an 18-27 year-old female to marry. A young woman who goes by “[[Cogsdev|cogs]]” fills out Chris’s online application as a joke. An hour later, two [[Wikipedia:Secret Service|Secret Service]] agents appear at her doorstep, knock her out, and drag her back to Chris’s quarters.

Chris isn't immediately sure that cogs is his [[sweetheart]], but after measuring her weight and breasts, testing her driving ability, and smelling her [[hair]], he weds her. When it comes time to consummate the marriage, cogs reveals that she cannot bear children, and Chris has her executed.

===Chapter 6: Patriots===

Mel, apparently long pregnant with Jones's baby, is about to go into labor. Everyone rides along to the hospital together before splitting up: Mel and Jones into the hospital, Mimi and Kid to a grocery store, and Miles to a nearby sporting goods store. Vivian opts to stays with the car.

While checking out, Mimi is attacked by her cashier, who warns the whole store that the “terrorists” have been found. Meanwhile, Miles is being chased by a mob after stealing some golf clubs. A former friend of Chris’s named [[Anna McLerran|Shana]] appears and rescues everyone just in time.

Back at the White House, Chris is busy consulting with the members of his Cabinet. Before long, Rabbichoso is having loud “sex” with his wife, [[Rosechu|Bunnichoso]]. When Secret Service agents begin to voice their concern, Chris fires them and barricades himself in the basement with a janitor.

===Chapter 7: Faults===

At the hospital, Mel tells Jones that she’s afraid that Chris is going to capture her and her unborn child. Jones sets out alone in desperation only to be captured himself. After explaining her awkward history with Chris to Kid’s family, Shana rescues Mel and her newborn son, Matt.

Soon afterward, Jones awakens on a plane and has a video confrontation with Chris. Meanwhile, Rabbichoso goes on air to dismiss Congress, declaring a “time of crisis”. As [[America]]’s supreme dictator, Chris demands that every city show its love for Rabbichoso or face annihilation.

Police then surround Shana's home, but Shana pleads with one of the officers, and he agrees to let everyone escape. Fearing assassination, Chris nukes the White House with himself still inside. [[DJ Jamsta|Black Rabbichoso]], Secretary of Music, then spreads disinformation about this “attack”.

===Chapter 8: Education===

A twelve-year-old boy named Cameron enters his first [[dating education]] class. His teacher, a loud man named [[Billy Mays|Mr. MAYS]], plays a video tape in which Psychic Rabbichoso tells children how to stay straight and get dates. Cameron zones out, imagining Chris ranting about minorities.

Once the video ends, Cameron takes a test on dating dos and don'ts. When he admits to having had one or two gay thoughts, Secret Service agents show up to knock him out and drag him away. Meanwhile, his town puts on its state-mandated Rabbichoso parade, floats and all.

Cameron wakes up in a holding cell with some other boys and girls his age. Psychic Rabbichoso informs the children that they are about to be “un-gayed”. Sent to separate, slowly-flooding chambers in boy-girl pairs to have sex, each couple will drown unless each boy [[semen|cums]] into a [[fapcup|cup]].

===Chapter 9: Magic===

Chris goes on air to remind America that most of the “terrorists” are still at large. [[Wes Iseli|A magician]] returns to his home and is confronted by a police officer who accuses him of aiding these fugitives. The magician escapes by teleporting himself to the home of his former love, [[Sarah Hammer|Sally]].

Despite her hurt feelings, Sally agrees to shelter the magician. That night, she turns on her TV to find Chris, who happens to be a former friend of hers, meeting with his Cabinet about women’s role in society. She remembers how grateful she was when [[Mary Lee Walsh|a certain witch]] rid her of him.

The next morning, Sally finds that Chris is still broadcasting from his "office", and that the magician has just teleported himself there to battle him. In his own mind, Chris gains the advantage with the help of his Cabinet and prepares to finish the magician off with a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Hex-me-ha-me-ha]].

===Chapter 10: Crossroads===

The magician begins ridiculing Chris for imagining himself to be so much more powerful than he is. Abruptly, the janitor withdraws a pistol and shoots the magician. Chris moves to televise this victory, but before he can, the magician teleports himself to Sally’s house as he lies dying.

Meanwhile, Shana, Melanie, and Kid’s family are driving to D.C. An unfamiliar woman starts following them, and when they stop the car to get gas, she pulls into the gas station. Kid’s family fears the worst until the woman identifies herself as Sally and explains that she wants to help.

Sally presents the group with some credit cards from her work and a map of the White House basement that the magician had given to her just before he died. She then leaves, declining to join the group on their journey. Later, she travels alone into a forest to visit the magician’s grave.

===Chapter 11: Outside===

Chris goes on air to explain to men across America how to be better fathers. Fighting Rabbichoso then informs Chris that he should spend some time improving foreign relations. When the Chinese president tells Chris that Taiwan pirates video games, he nukes that whole country.

Soon afterward, Chris nukes both South Korea for sympathizing with Taiwan and Poland for stealing jobs from the UK. Upset that no one has yet commended him, he calls the Iraqi president to learn what he can do to assist ''his'' country. As requested, he bombs 1/5 of the entire world.

All surviving countries are terrified, aware that America is the only nation to still possess nuclear weapons. When the President of Brazil tells Chris not to contact his country, Chris fires another nuke. However, [[Bill The Scientist|he spills some soda]] onto the missile console, and the nuke hits Canada.

===Chapter 12: Brimley===

Chris goes into the basement to check on his half-brother, Jones. They have a heated conversation about relationships, and Jones points out how inept Chris is at understanding them. Chris, being the selfish person he is, believes that everything should be handed to him on a silver platter.

Chris then goes on a rant about how the [[Homos|homos]] keep tempting him to join their side. This leaves Chris [[Stress|stressed]] and he returns to the main room to sleep. He gets woken up by the janitor, who reminds him he must do his daily broadcast, even though it's 2 a.m. He announces the addition of Black Rabbichoso (AKA [[Blake|Thomas]]) to his Cabinet, as the new Secretary of Defense.

Shana and Vivian talk in the car about their plot to kill Chris, while looking over the details about how to enter the underground basement.

===Chapter 13: Crushed===

Kid notices that they need gas, so they pull into the next gas station. The owner recognizes Melanie and gets his shotgun. Vivian throws a pocket knife into his arm but he manages to shoot her in the leg. Being in no condition to travel, she tells the rest to leave her behind. She is taken to the hospital but requires a wheelchair.

The Secret Service is there to pick her up. They fly Vivian to Chris's basement, where he greets her after taking a shower. Vivian talks to Jones in the basement while Chris announces the capture of one of the Terrorist Four. Chris declares Vivian as his back-up girlfriend and wheels her off into another part of the basement. He coats her in white paint as God intended him to have a [[Niggos|white girlfriend]], and goes back upstairs.

Chris later comes down for their date, and Vivian hides a knife to kill him with when the time is right. They dine on burgers from Burger Palace. After the janitor leaves the room, she wheels over to Chris and takes out the knife. Chris declares he can cut his own burger and raises his arms in surprise. The stench overpowers Vivian and she's knocked out.

===Chapter 14: Hero===

Chris phones his old school friend, [[Joshua Martinez|Phillip Gonzalo]], for advice with the ladies. After the conversation is over, Phillip falls into an uneasy dream. The [[dream]] is about the time he first met Chris, and they play video games. The dream changes to Chris seeing him kissing his [[Gal-pal|Girlfriend]], then to an [[E-mail]] he sent Chris informing him of a date he set up. This wakes him up suddenly and he wonders why [[Chris]] is still alive.

Vivian wakes up in a bed, nude, with her clothes neatly folded on a cabinet. Chris, who had been watching her, notices that she's conscious and walks in with his shirt off. He tries to kiss her and she slaps him. He phones Phillip again for advice, and he begs Chris to stop after he finds out she's underage.

Chris forces himself upon Vivian, who fights against him. In the struggle, she pulls one of his eyes clean out. Chris runs shrieking out the room. Rabbichoso then goes on air announcing Chris is on a short vacation. He then fires Psychic Rabbichoso for failing to keep everyone straight, and offers the role of President to whomever can deliver the rest of the three remaining terrorists along with Melanie and Shana.

===Chapter 15: Alamo===

Kid, upset by the capture of Vivian, is left bent upon revenge against Chris. The engine dies just as several cars begin following them. They gather weapons and jump out the car. A fight breaks out between them and a gang after the reward. After all but the leader, Bon, have been killed, she calls for backup. Several people come with swords, led by Clyde.

After another fight, Bon and Miles have a one-on-one duel for Mimi, who is taken hostage. Bon pulls a gun, but trips and Miles picks the gun up. He shoots her in the face. Melanie kills Clyde with a throwing knife to the heart. They realize that Kid and Matt are missing, taken hostage by the two remaining gang members.

The gang offers a trade -- Kid and Matt for Miles and Mimi, as their bounty is higher. They agree, but as they're being tied up, Miles attacks and takes one down. Mimi runs to safety but Miles is killed in the process. The remaining member is brutally killed by Shana. Chris informs Vivian her father is dead, saying that he should be more careful next time.

===Chapter 16: Witch===

Chris makes an announcement of the death of Miles, then parades his two captives on TV. An old woman watches this broadcast. In the car, they realize they're running low on supplies and the nearest town is 800 miles (1,288 km) away. They spot an old hut nearby and investigate. Inside they find a witch named [[Mary Lee Walsh|Eva G. Warren]] who gave the unnamed magician his powers.

She reveals that before she gained her powers, she used to be the principal of the school Chris attended and stopped him from [[Love Quest|soliciting sex]] from other students. Suddenly she vanishes, and her voice informs them she has passed on. Kid finds some gum in the pocket of her clothes, which had fallen to the ground, and chews it.

Chris looks in the mirror and [[Honest Content|is disgusted by what he sees]]. After a brief talk to Jones, he decided that the cops that took her away must die.

===Chapter 17: Reflection===

Chris makes an announcement that every [[jerkop|cop]] must die. An ex-officer named Jim, who let Shana go when police surrounded her house, receives a call from an officer asking for assistance. He goes to the station to help out. While moving his car to find civilians to evacuate, he sees several houses on fire. He returns to find the station ablaze too.

Jim, a fellow officer, and a hundred civilians take shelter in a Gym. A few nights later, they see a dozen thugs armed with chainsaws advancing. Mr. Mays finds his classroom empty. The principal and Mays set off to find the children, and discover they've been taken to a factory. Mays cuts through a fence and tasers several Secret Service agents blocking their way. More agents spot them, and Mays shoots them with his EZGun. They rescue the children.

Sally goes to the grave of Eva, who apparently committed suicide aged thirty-four. She obtains a key from the grave. Back in the Gym, the thugs are breaking in, after their supplies and killing the other officer. Jim shoots several dead but the remaining manage to encircle him. The civilians then start attacking the thugs, killing them with their chainsaws. On the radio, Chris announces his plans to dominate the globe.

===Chapter 18: Doctrine===

Chris decides to spread his view of [[Religion|Christianity]], despite Rabbichoso and Holy Rabbichoso's protests. As he spreads his view, Jones, Melanie, Vivian and her family discuss how wrong Chris's views are, in utter disbelief that people still accept this. They also provide commentary towards his views on [[homosexuality]] and the [[Chris and religion|seven deadly sins]], with Jones telling more about Chris's past.

As Mimi shuts off the radio, Kid mentions that she's glad she had great parents and knows that there needs to be good people in the world and knows the bad ones can change... except Chris.

===Chapter 19: Escape===

Vivian and Jones still remain inside Chris's basement, unable to escape, thinking that the others are unable to come and rescue them. Vivian gets an idea on how to escape (which she admittedly hates), attempting to seduce Chris by deciding to have him have a threesome with herself and Jones. Chris is disgusted by this, but when Vivian decides to go back to [[Homos|lesbianism]], Chris changes his mind.

When Vivian's bad leg gives out, Jones goes to get a wheelchair to get Vivian out, leaving her alone with Chris. Chris attempts to get it on with Vivian alone, but she wants another man. Chris attempts to get the janitor in on this, but he declines. The mentioning of Melanie gives Vivian hope that her family's still alive. She asks why Chris wants to lose his [[virgin]]ity, and he tells her that it would make him a man. Vivian, in disgust, says that losing his virginity is more than that, but Chris doesn't listen.

When Jones returns, Chris attempts to initiate the threesome, only to have the two attempt to escape. The janitor returns and attempts to kill Vivian, only for Jones to take the bullet. He attempts to fire again, only to learn he's out. Vivian makes her escape and discovers that, outside, its a wasteland and that her father's body has been defiled. Weakened by the pollution and horror, Vivian passes out.

The janitor checks on Chris and attempts to see about his wounds, but Chris blows him off, taking some pills to cure his headache and goes off to make a message. In the bedroom, Jones dies of his wounds.

===Chapter 20: Edge===

Chris [[crash into slumber|crashes into slumber]] after failing to lose his virginity, but comes to the next day. Chris continues to demand that they find Melanie and brushes off Mimi and Kid as terrorists, thinking that they're too busy shopping.

Meanwhile, Kid has a nightmare about Chris and Rabbichoso and wakes up crying. When the group attempt to drive through a dust storm, it destroys their car's engine. The five split up into the dust storm, Mimi, Matt and Melanie going one way and Kid and Shana going another. Mimi, Matt and Melanie discover a child in a school, who accept them. The quickly rally behind the three when they mention that they were going to end Chris's reign, but they are forced to leave them to protect them

Shana and Kid find themselves lost, only to end up in an abandoned house. Kid wants to stay and wait, but Shana wants to keep going, only to be affected by the dust storm, which kills her.

===Chapter 21: Genes===

Kid uses a compass to leave into the storm, reuniting with the others. After paying their respects to Shana, the four continue on. Melanie thinks it's hopeless to continue on, but Kid wants to keep pushing on, for everyone's sake.

They find a hut, with a person, Chris's half-sister Karen Vega, inside. There, she tells them that she designed the suits allowing others to enter the area, then tells her story of how she was hated by Chris for being geeky, but, when he became president, she was forced to design suits for radiation protection. She reveals that three special suits were designed, but they took two - a child-sized suit was left behind. She gives it to Kid, but dismisses the notion of her wanting to kill Chris.

When Kid marches out alone into the void, Karen goes to stop her, only to be struck down by the dust. With one last goodbye, Kid walks back into the void to kill Chris.

===Chapter 22: Revenge===

Kid continues her trek, seeing the devastation left behind by Chris's actions. As she does, she ends up discovering the building holding Chris's basement... then discovers Vivian and Miles's bodies. She hallucinates seeing Vivian and Miles, both of them trying to deter her from her mission. She ends up passing out and waking up sometime later.

Inside, Chris asks if he's a good president. Rabbichoso says he is, but Thomas tells him that humanity must be purged. Chris tells Thomas that there's a woman out there for him, but Thomas continues to tell him that he will be killed and that if humanity isn't purged, he will die. The janitor finds Chris talking to pieces of paper. The janitor wants to send Chris to a psychiatrist, but Chris turns him down and decides to take a nap.

In a hallway, Kid ends up discovering a few drawings he did including [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|Chris finger-banging Melanie]] and [[Saddest Heart in the World|a poem]] before continuing on.

===Chapter 23: Everything===

Kid finally makes it to Chris's room and prepares to kill him, only to be stopped by the janitor. The janitor reveals himself to be [[troll|Hendrix]], who used Chris to control the [[U.S.]] He reveals that he used Chris to run America to the ground, and that he works for China.

He goes on to explain that he was part of a group that helped [[Bush]] win the 2008 elections and that they were the ones who got [[Obama]] into office. With America weak, they chose Chris to be the next President, using the promise of getting Melanie to get him to join. Kid is stunned by these revelations. Hendrix goes to kill her, only to be thwarted by Chris, who suffocates Hendrix under his [[obesity|body weight]].

Chris, in his hallucinated state, is told by Rabbichoso that he has no future, that there's no hope for him and goes to leave. Chris panics and tries to run after him, only to hit a self-destruct device. Kid tries to kill Chris, but decides to let the explosion kill him. She escapes and reunites with everyone.

===Chapter 24: Reset===

Kid writes in her diary, as everyone attempts to try to live in a world after Chris. Meanwhile, a group of Chinese attempt to destroy America only to have themselves wiped out...

...and [[God]], in stitches over the massive chain reaction the creation of Chris (an idea he got whilst being drunk) have caused, decides to reset the world.

In Nevada, cogs takes a breath of fresh air, then goes back inside to play video games.

In Shana's house, Jim proposes to Shana, who accepts.

In Washington D.C., Karen becomes the first female President, hoping to end the line of deception her family was known for.

At the grave of Eva G. Warren, Sally and the magician mourn her passing.

Mr. MAYS hits it big and quits teaching.

Cameron tells a girl how he feels about her and she invites him to her house. There Mr. MAYS is on television. His odd commercial makes the two want to smoke.

Melanie attempts to hire Jones, but declines, only to invite her inside his house for coffee.

Kid admits that Vivian's probably the only person she can trust, but Vivian gets her to try to enjoy the rest of life and takes her on a tour of the city...

===Chapter 25: Christopher===

And we see Chris's new life.

Chris is born, and his parents think he's destined for great things.

At a park, years later, Chris and Jones are playing on the swings. Jones wants Chris to push him for a change, but Chris complains that he might get hurt if he does, so he makes Jones do it.

Years later, Chris is attempting to pick up a girlfriend at the mall while Jones is trying to get them some clothes. He's disgusted by Chris's actions.

At Chris's graduation, Karen watches as Chris hesitates in getting his diploma.

Years later, Chris meets Shana in a grocery store. Shana tells Chris to leave, but Chris takes it as someone talking to him.

Outside Waynesworth Enterprises, Chris meets Melanie and befriends her. Sometime later, he tries to enter the Game Wars store, only to be stopped by police.

Years later, Chris sends a letter to Jones about their parents' passing, ranting about other stuff along the way.

Soon, he meets Vivian and Kid's family, acting the same way he did in the beginning. After that day, they never see each other again.

Years later, Vivian has married [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]] and calls Kid, only for her to tell her to watch [[TV]]. On there, Chris has held an employee hostage inside a mall as the cops attempt to free his hostage and take him down.

Years later, he's locked up in an mental institution, incompetent to stand trial. After having a dream he thinks is from God, he leaps through a window to his death.

No one comes to his funeral.

== Characters ==

'''Christopher Winnifred Vega''' - Analogue to Christian Weston Chandler and main antagonist of the story. He becomes president through the machinations of a group of [[trolls|Chinese]] seeking to bring down the US. In the original timeline, Chris is killed in the destruction of his bunker. In the reverted timeframe, he throws himself out of a window thanks to a dream.

'''Kid''' - The main protagonist of the story. Her life is changed throughout the story as she's put on the run by Chris. In the end, she attempts to kill Chris, but allows him to die by his own stupidity. She is presumed killed in the nuclear fallout in the original time frame. In the reverted time frame, she lives a pretty normal life.

'''Vivian''' - Analogue to Vivian Gee and Kid's older sister. Goes on the run, then attempts to kill Chris. She is killed by the radiation fallout around Washington. In the reverted time frame, she ends up marrying a gang member named Clyde.

'''Miles and Mimi''' - Vivian and Kid's parents. When they go to protect Melanie from Chris's wrath, they are considered terrorists and are hunted down. Miles is killed protecting his family and Mimi is killed in the nuclear assault. In the reverted time line, their meeting with Chris goes sour and they never see him again.

'''Melanie''' - Analogue to Megan Schroeder. She is the reason Chris ends up becoming president. She has a child with Jones named Matt. She is presumed killed in the final nuclear attack in the original time frame. In the reverted time line, she is able to get away from Chris and ends up befriending Jones.

'''Jones Brimley''' - Analogue to Cole Smithy and Chris's half-brother. He goes to great lengths to protect Kid's family and Melanie from Chris's attacks. He is killed trying to protect Vivian from Chris. In the reverted time line, he's a popular writer and ends up befriending Melanie.

'''Karen Vega''' - Chris's half-sister. A genius who was forced to work for Chris after his election. She ends up giving Kid a suit that allowed her to enter Washington. She is killed by the radiation dust around the city. In the reverted time frame, she becomes President.

'''Shana''' - Analogue to Ann McLerran. She joins Kid's family after rescuing Melanie and Matt. She is killed by the radioactive dust. In the reverted time frame, she is proposed by Jim

'''Jim''' - A police officer and possible analogue to [[Bagget]]. He attempts to arrest Shana, only to let her go. He joins in the rescue of a number of children. In the reverted time line, he proposes to Shana.

'''Clyde''' - Analogue to [[Clyde Cash]] and a gang leader. He takes Kid and Matt hostage and attempts to get Mimi and Miles instead. He is killed in the ensuing scuffle. In the reverted time frame, he marries Vivian.

'''Mr. Mays''' - Analogue to [[BILLY MAYS]]. He was one of the teachers for Chris's mandated dating education. He ends up leading the charge to save the children. In the reverted universe, he ditches teaching and becomes a spokesman.

'''Cameron''' - a student in one of Chris's date ed classes. He is taken away for reprogramming for thinking gay thoughts. In the reverted time frame, he admits his feelings to a girl, then ends up deciding to smoke, thanks to one of Mr. Mays's commercials.

'''"cogs"''' - Analogue to cogsdev. Ends up filling out a form for kicks, only to be dragged in to be another one of Chris's wives-to-be. When she reveals she can't bear children, she's killed. In the reverted time frame, she lives a pretty normal life.

'''Rabbichosos''' - Analogue to Sonichu, Rosechu and the Chaotic Combo. Comprised of [[Sonichu|Rabbichoso]], [[Rosechu|Bunnichoso]], [[Wild|Grass Rabbichoso]], [[Angelica|Holy Bunnichoso]], [[Bubbles|Water Bunnichoso]], [[Punchy|Fighting Rabbichoso]], [[Magi-chan|Psychic Rabbichoso]] and [[Blake|Thomas]], they make up Chris's Cabinet.

'''Matt''' - Jones and Melanie's baby son. Named by Kid. Does not exist in the reverted timeline.

== Sources ==
<references/>

==The original text==

* [http://vivig.deviantart.com/art/Girl-Brought-Down-World-CH1-5-102863247 Chapters 1 - 5]
* [http://vivig.deviantart.com/art/Girl-Brought-Down-World-CH6-10-103157555 Chapters 6 - 10]
* [http://vivig.deviantart.com/art/Girl-Brought-Down-World-11-14-103719474 Chapters 11 - 14]
* [http://vivig.deviantart.com/art/Girl-Brought-Down-World-15-19-104009914 Chapters 15 - 19]
* [http://vivig.deviantart.com/art/Girl-Brought-Down-World-20-24-104743076 Chapters 20 - 24]
* [http://vivig.deviantart.com/art/Girl-Brought-Down-World-25-END-104952905 Chapter 25 (Final)]
* [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AGirlWhoBroughtDownTheWorld TV Tropes]

{{Sonichu}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Girl Who Brought Down the World}}
[[Category:Trolling]]

BlueSpike

2016-03-16T23:14:58Z

Gsbr:

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | <s>Sweethearts</s> Trolls
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:JULAYYYYYYYY.PNG|250px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |BlueSpike
|-
|'''Real name'''
|David
|-
| '''Alias'''
| LeonSpike Julie Milvana Max Milvana
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| c. 1996
|-
| '''Gender'''
| <s>Female</s> Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| [[Trolls|Troll]]
|-
|}
{{Articleofthenow}}
Most 13-year-old boys only dream of getting to watch an [[autistic]] [[Chris|manchild]] shove pieces of [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|CRAYOLA FUCKIN' MODEL MAGIC]] up his ass. '''BlueSpike''' (AKA '''LeonSpike''', "a 13 year old brat" according to Chris) got to live that dream, when he [[troll]]ed Chris through 2 identities: a [[sweetheart]] named '''Julie''' (aka '''JULAAAY''') and her brother '''Max'''.

The trolling caused events such as Chris admitting to Julie that he had tried a [[dildo]] and [[sex toys|anal beads]], the infamous [[sex tape]] where he fucks [[Kimmi]], a description of a future scene from [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] alluding to his [[Gay 4 Sonichu|gay fans]], how Chris hates everything that's not Aryan, his [[Bob Walks In|father walking in]] to him [[mass debating]], and other sick shit.

Due to his sadistic treatment of Chris, especially [[Julie Reveals Herself|during the Mumble call where he revealed himself as Julie]], BlueSpike remains a controversial figure among Christorians. He is also indirectly responsible for the "JULAAAAAAAAYYY!" meme, so he is partially to blame for all the [[weens]] who still find it amusing.

==Julie==
[[Image:LetterfromJulie(2of2).jpg|thumb|left|100px|What Chris believed Julie looked like.]]
[[File:ChrisandJulieLBP.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Chris and Julie, together in [[LittleBigPlanet]]. The salad days.]]
{{quote|I can tell in my heart Julie IS 19.|Chris on Julie.<ref>[[Mumble 10]]</ref>}}
{{quote|JULAAAAAAY, JULAAAAAAY!!!!|Chris professes his undying love while screwing [[Kimmi|a doll]].}}

'''Julie Milvana'''<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 5]]</ref> (born 13 July 1989<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 4]]</ref>) was a [[Molvanîa]]n Methodist<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' fan who became Chris's sweetheart after [[PandaHalo]]. Her kidnap by her evil brother Max led to Chris's ill-fated [[Ohio trip|rescue mission]] to Cleveland.

"Julie" first showed up in IRC in December [[2008]], suggesting the infamous [[Tour of Chris's House]] video.<ref>[[IRC (15 December 2008)]]</ref> She later posed a ton of ''Sonichu'' questions submitted by fans<ref>[[IRC (28 December 2008)]]</ref> and was invited to [[Sonichu Girls]]. As early as 3 [[January 2009]], she asked Chris what he would do if a [[JERK]] kidnapped his [[heartsweet]]--he said, ''"I would learn his demands if any, or if he hurt her, I'd strike the jerk back."'' Julie also got excited by the prospect of an orgy with Chris and the Sonichu Girls.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref> The next day, it was revealed that Chris had promised his virginity to both Panda and Julie, and both ladies were furious, with Julie threatening to kill herself.<ref>[[IRC (04 January 2009)]]</ref> Later she calmed down and moved to Ohio to live with relatives. Ever classy, Chris suggested a threesome with PandaHalo.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs]]</ref>

Chris refused to drive to Ohio, instead insisting that Julie come to him. He also couldn't be bothered to attack Clyde in IRC, even when he threatened Julie.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 2]]</ref>

When Chris chose [[Sarah May]] over her, Julie was crushed. Chris apologized, and then abruptly [[Autism|went back to talking about vidya]].<ref name="a">[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 4]]</ref>

Clyde Cash made more serious threats against Julie, forcing Chris to upload a famous [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|5 February 2009 video]] admitting that he was gay.<ref name="a" />

Once Chris got it into his head that PandaHalo had burned to death in a wildfire, he began to focus even more on Julie as a sweetheart.

Chris received a [[:File:LetterfromJulie(1of2).jpg|letter]] written by Julie, the first physical [[:File:LetterfromJulie(2of2).jpg|proof]] of her "existence". In it, it details the love professed by her to Chris.

That Valentine's Day, Chris uploaded [[LittleBigPlanet|an ''LBP'' level]], and Chris and Julie took their relationship to the next level with cybersex. [[Bob Chandler]] [[Bob Walks In|walked in]], and the rest is history. [[Borb|Chris's parents]] didn't believe that Julie was TRUE and HONEST.<ref>[[Bob Walks In Aftermath]]</ref>

In an infamous video on 20 [[February 2009]], Chris created a sex video for Julie with the help of his inflatable assistant Kimmi, in order to give Julie an idea of what their first time together would be like. Chris's agonized cries of "JULAAAAAAAY!" would prove one of the most striking and memorable of CWC-isms; to this date, many erroneously believe that Kimmi ''is'' Julie. This is not so; Chris may be the most desperate man alive, but he's not quite got to the point where he's convinced himself any of his sex dolls are real.

{{clear}}

==Max==
[[Image:Anon.jpg|thumb|left|100px|The mysterious Max.]]
[[Image:Nnocac.jpg|thumb|Receipts from Chris's epic journey to Cleveland. Note that he asked for no [[pickle]]s on the mayo hamburger, and that the place he at was a [[Sonic]] Drive-In.]]

Max was the evil, mysterious brother of Julie who held her against her will. On 26 February 2009, Chris valiantly [[Ohio trip|traveled to Ohio]] in a bid to rescue her and got his parents all worried. (His ancestors' spirits had wished him "a Safe Trip to Ohio" two days prior at [[Aunt Corrina]]'s funeral.)<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7]]</ref> Unfortunately, because Chris got the "wrong" address, he ended up at a run down house in the ghetto that was inhabited by an elderly [[black]] woman.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 13]]</ref>

{{Main|Julie Reveals Herself}}

On 3 [[March 2009]], Max gained control of Chris's PlayStation Network account, and during an hour-long audio session threatened to sell the PSN account and forbid Julie from seeing Chris. Chris was coerced into declaring [[BILLY MAYS]] to be the mayor of CWCville and shoving the pieces of his destroyed [[Sonichu medallion]] up his anal cavity, before he was able to talk to Julie, at which point Julie admits that both she and Max were the figments of BlueSpike's imagination. At no point did BlueSpike even mention the sex tape (which had already gotten nearly 2 million hits on SlutLoad). BlueSpike's female voice is an unconvincing falsetto, which makes it all the more hilarious (or [[duress]]ful, depending on who you talk to) that it worked so well on Chris.

This incident shattered both his [[heart level]] and his anus to 0%.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|1xo3SAwefBM}}
</center>

{{-}}

==Encyclopedia Dramatica Troll War==
[[Image:Advicespikemedallion.png|thumb|right|Kids say the darndest things.]]

On 5 [[March 2009]], an all-out civil war broke out between trolls on the Chris-chan [[ED]] discussion page on whether BlueSpike had gone too far, whether he was a hypocrite, or if he was merely a tool initiated by Clyde Cash to ruse Chris into the further milking of [[lulz]]. Suffice to say, a combination of outrage and troll remorse turned the whole event into a clusterfuck.

{{quote|If BlueSpike really is 13 years old, then we know who the real child molesters are. "hey, they made fun of YOU for doing sonic recolours?, look at this guy!". "hey! be one of the cool kids, help this autistic guy jack off, pretend to be a girl so we can video tape and record it..." . Thats the REAL reason you were shiting it and called for a 30 minute silence just after, Clyde/Mayes. At least you had the balls to say that it was you responsible in channel once. You know its not going to be pizza's at 1am, and you know its not a fucking cat. If Bluespike really is 13, then you groomed a child to perform sex acts on a mentally retarded man for your pleasure. You're fucked, son. You both broke a lolcow, but theres better sport now, ruining your lives. And dont act like you dont care, I saw you shiting yourself all that night and the next, sending waves of members out to kill threads about it or put in false names, just like Your sock earlier in the page. Ready to have a seat of there?|Wit, ED user}}

Most of the trolling involved BlueSpike having phone sex with Chris for hours each night, listening to Chris masturbating. <ref = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Gq35fqRk5E&feature=channel_page>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Gq35fqRk5E</ref> <ref = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpj5Hg80f1E>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpj5Hg80f1E</ref>  As BlueSpike was in complete control of Chris, he could have done more sinister things, but night after night he engaged in nothing but noisy, fabricated (on Blue's end) phone sex and listened to Chris very loudly go on dates with Rosie Palms. Draw your own conclusions about BlueSpike's sexuality. One such session did eventuate in the legendary interruption by the [[Internet lumberjack]].

Today, most trolls tend to frown on BlueSpike and his methods, though some weens yearn to return to the sadist days of BlueSpike in hopes of an age of trolling where [[A-Logging|physical pain is inflicted upon Chris]].

While one might think that this level of physical and mental abuse would leave lasting scars, BlueSpike's trolling had virtually '''no''' evident long-term impact on Chris. Just a few weeks after Julie revealed her true identity, Chris had moved onto thinking he'd found another [[Ivy|sweetheart]] online, and just a few weeks after that he had no trouble believing that he was having IM sex with a [[Vanessa Hudgens|world-famous celebrity]]. The main effect it did have was that although Chris remade a new Sonichu medallion, he stopped wearing it until 1 [[July 2009]].

Chris came to believe that BlueSpike was killed at the hands of [[Clyde Cash]], from an offhand comment Cash made in [[Mumble 12]]. On [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|his version of the ED page]], Chris stated that "That little S.O.B. later died at the hands of the "[[Transformers|Starscream]]" Troll, Clyde Cash." Of course, this statement was later [[Car Pranks|revealed to be a complete and utter bluff]]. Chris himself no longer believes BlueSpike is dead, as is evident from the next section.

==Called out==
On 23 [[August 2011]], [[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David|Chris claimed]] to know BlueSpike's real identity (first name '''David''') and threatened to drop dox on him unless he made an apology video by 15 [[September 2011]]. In the video, BlueSpike was to tell people to stop calling Chris "[[Ian Brandon Anderson]]" and yelling "JULAAAAAAAAYYY!" in [[prank calls]]. Although BlueSpike did not respond to Chris' demands, the death of Bob 2 weeks later caused Chris to leave the Internet before he could reveal BlueSpike's personal information, and he ultimately lost interest in exposing his tormentor.

Even if Chris did make a video about who BlueSpike really was, it would have been for naught. The personal information Chris had actually belonged to David Harlow, a lolcow also known as [https://encyclopediadramatica.se/Nesshelper Nesshelper]. This is evidenced by Nesshelper and BlueSpike apparently sharing the same first name, the "real" photo of BlueSpike being a closeup of [https://encyclopediadramatica.se/File:Davidharlow.jpg this picture of Nesshelper], and Chris' claim of BlueSpike liking big rooms, which references a [http://vimeo.com/21478293 video rant] where Nesshelper complained about the size of a hotel room he was staying in. Aside from not being a troll and having no reason nor motivation to go after Chris, the fact that Nesshelper sounds nothing like BlueSpike in his videos makes it clear they are not the same person. Furthermore, Nesshelper was born on July 9, 1985<ref>http://nintendodojo.com/profile.aspx?id=12501</ref> and therefore would have been older than 13 during the Julie saga.

Chris was presumably given false information to highlight his [[autism|gullibility]] and possibly set up a feud between him and Nesshelper, similar to how [[Ahuviya Rotem Harel]] and [[Christopher Paul Whitney]] made negative remarks about Chris after he accused them of being [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Alec Benson Leary]] respectively. Of course, the aforementioned death of Bob prevented a conflict between the 2 from occurring; regardless, it's likely Nesshelper wasn't even aware of Chris's misguided attempt to dox him out.

==See also==
{{Fan art}}
*[[BlueSpike PSN Chats]]
*[[Bob Walks In]]
*[[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
*[[CWC Cums for a Cat]]
*[[For Julie's Eyes Only]]
*[[Julie Reveals Herself]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

==External links==

[http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=B3D68D552646B0AD BlueSpike's infamous conversation with Chris] <---- Video Removed

{{Trolls}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Julie Saga]]

BlueSpike

2016-03-16T23:14:09Z

Gsbr: /* Called out */

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | <s>Sweethearts</s> Trolls
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:JULAYYYYYYYY.PNG|250px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |BlueSpike
|-
|'''Real name'''
|David
|-
| '''Alias'''
| LeonSpike Julie Milvana Max Milvana
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| c. 1996
|-
| '''Gender'''
| <s>Female</s> Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| [[Trolls|Troll]]
|-
|}
{{Articleofthenow}}
Most 13-year-old boys only dream of getting to watch an [[autistic]] [[Chris|manchild]] shove pieces of [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|CRAYOLA FUCKIN' MODEL MAGIC]] up his ass. '''BlueSpike''' (AKA '''LeonSpike''', "a 13 year old brat" according to Chris) got to live that dream, when he [[troll]]ed Chris through 2 identities: a [[sweetheart]] named '''Julie''' (aka '''JULAAAY''') and her brother '''Max'''.

The trolling caused events such as Chris admitting to Julie that he had tried a [[dildo]] and [[sex toys|anal beads]], the infamous [[sex tape]] where he fucks [[Kimmi]], a description of a future scene from [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] alluding to his [[Gay 4 Sonichu|gay fans]], how Chris hates everything that's not Aryan, his [[Bob Walks In|father walking in]] to him [[mass debating]], and other sick shit.

Due to his sadistic treatment of Chris, especially [[Julie Reveals Herself|during the Mumble call where he revealed himself as Julie]], BlueSpike remains a controversial figure among Christorians. He is also indirectly responsible for the "JULAAAAAAAAYYY!" meme, so he is partially to blame for all the [[weens]] who still find it amusing.

==Julie==
[[Image:LetterfromJulie(2of2).jpg|thumb|left|100px|What Chris believed Julie looked like.]]
[[File:ChrisandJulieLBP.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Chris and Julie, together in [[LittleBigPlanet]]. The salad days.]]
{{quote|I can tell in my heart Julie IS 19.|Chris on Julie.<ref>[[Mumble 10]]</ref>}}
{{quote|JULAAAAAAY, JULAAAAAAY!!!!|Chris professes his undying love while screwing [[Kimmi|a doll]].}}

'''Julie Milvana'''<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 5]]</ref> (born 13 July 1989<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 4]]</ref>) was a [[Molvanîa]]n Methodist<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' fan who became Chris's sweetheart after [[PandaHalo]]. Her kidnap by her evil brother Max led to Chris's ill-fated [[Ohio trip|rescue mission]] to Cleveland.

"Julie" first showed up in IRC in December [[2008]], suggesting the infamous [[Tour of Chris's House]] video.<ref>[[IRC (15 December 2008)]]</ref> She later posed a ton of ''Sonichu'' questions submitted by fans<ref>[[IRC (28 December 2008)]]</ref> and was invited to [[Sonichu Girls]]. As early as 3 [[January 2009]], she asked Chris what he would do if a [[JERK]] kidnapped his [[heartsweet]]--he said, ''"I would learn his demands if any, or if he hurt her, I'd strike the jerk back."'' Julie also got excited by the prospect of an orgy with Chris and the Sonichu Girls.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref> The next day, it was revealed that Chris had promised his virginity to both Panda and Julie, and both ladies were furious, with Julie threatening to kill herself.<ref>[[IRC (04 January 2009)]]</ref> Later she calmed down and moved to Ohio to live with relatives. Ever classy, Chris suggested a threesome with PandaHalo.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs]]</ref>

Chris refused to drive to Ohio, instead insisting that Julie come to him. He also couldn't be bothered to attack Clyde in IRC, even when he threatened Julie.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 2]]</ref>

When Chris chose [[Sarah May]] over her, Julie was crushed. Chris apologized, and then abruptly [[Autism|went back to talking about vidya]].<ref name="a">[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 4]]</ref>

Clyde Cash made more serious threats against Julie, forcing Chris to upload a famous [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|5 February 2009 video]] admitting that he was gay.<ref name="a" />

Once Chris got it into his head that PandaHalo had burned to death in a wildfire, he began to focus even more on Julie as a sweetheart.

Chris received a [[:File:LetterfromJulie(1of2).jpg|letter]] written by Julie, the first physical [[:File:LetterfromJulie(2of2).jpg|proof]] of her "existence". In it, it details the love professed by her to Chris.

That Valentine's Day, Chris uploaded [[LittleBigPlanet|an ''LBP'' level]], and Chris and Julie took their relationship to the next level with cybersex. [[Bob Chandler]] [[Bob Walks In|walked in]], and the rest is history. [[Borb|Chris's parents]] didn't believe that Julie was TRUE and HONEST.<ref>[[Bob Walks In Aftermath]]</ref>

In an infamous video on 20 [[February 2009]], Chris created a sex video for Julie with the help of his inflatable assistant Kimmi, in order to give Julie an idea of what their first time together would be like. Chris's agonized cries of "JULAAAAAAAY!" would prove one of the most striking and memorable of CWC-isms; to this date, many erroneously believe that Kimmi ''is'' Julie. This is not so; Chris may be the most desperate man alive, but he's not quite got to the point where he's convinced himself any of his sex dolls are real.

{{clear}}

==Max==
[[Image:Anon.jpg|thumb|left|100px|The mysterious Max.]]
[[Image:Nnocac.jpg|thumb|Receipts from Chris's epic journey to Cleveland. Note that he asked for no [[pickle]]s on the mayo hamburger, and that the place he at was a [[Sonic]] Drive-In.]]

Max was the evil, mysterious brother of Julie who held her against her will. On 26 February 2009, Chris valiantly [[Ohio trip|traveled to Ohio]] in a bid to rescue her and got his parents all worried. (His ancestors' spirits had wished him "a Safe Trip to Ohio" two days prior at [[Aunt Corrina]]'s funeral.)<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7]]</ref> Unfortunately, because Chris got the "wrong" address, he ended up at a run down house in the ghetto that was inhabited by an elderly [[black]] woman.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 13]]</ref>

{{Main|Julie Reveals Herself}}

On 3 [[March 2009]], Max gained control of Chris's PlayStation Network account, and during an hour-long audio session threatened to sell the PSN account and forbid Julie from seeing Chris. Chris was coerced into declaring [[BILLY MAYS]] to be the mayor of CWCville and shoving the pieces of his destroyed [[Sonichu medallion]] up his anal cavity, before he was able to talk to Julie, at which point Julie admits that both she and Max were the figments of BlueSpike's imagination. At no point did BlueSpike even mention the sex tape (which had already gotten nearly 2 million hits on SlutLoad). BlueSpike's female voice is an unconvincing falsetto, which makes it all the more hilarious (or [[duress]]ful, depending on who you talk to) that it worked so well on Chris.

This incident shattered both his [[heart level]] and his anus to 0%.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|1xo3SAwefBM}}
</center>

{{-}}

==Encyclopedia Dramatica Troll War==
[[Image:Advicespikemedallion.png|thumb|right|Kids say the darndest things.]]

On 5 [[March 2009]], an all-out civil war broke out between trolls on the Chris-chan [[ED]] discussion page on whether BlueSpike had gone too far, whether he was a hypocrite, or if he was merely a tool initiated by Clyde Cash to ruse Chris into the further milking of [[lulz]]. Suffice to say, a combination of outrage and troll remorse turned the whole event into a clusterfuck.

{{quote|If BlueSpike really is 13 years old, then we know who the real child molesters are. "hey, they made fun of YOU for doing sonic recolours?, look at this guy!". "hey! be one of the cool kids, help this autistic guy jack off, pretend to be a girl so we can video tape and record it..." . Thats the REAL reason you were shiting it and called for a 30 minute silence just after, Clyde/Mayes. At least you had the balls to say that it was you responsible in channel once. You know its not going to be pizza's at 1am, and you know its not a fucking cat. If Bluespike really is 13, then you groomed a child to perform sex acts on a mentally retarded man for your pleasure. You're fucked, son. You both broke a lolcow, but theres better sport now, ruining your lives. And dont act like you dont care, I saw you shiting yourself all that night and the next, sending waves of members out to kill threads about it or put in false names, just like Your sock earlier in the page. Ready to have a seat of there?|Wit, ED user}}

Most of the trolling involved BlueSpike having phone sex with Chris for hours each night, listening to Chris masturbating. <ref = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Gq35fqRk5E&feature=channel_page>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Gq35fqRk5E</ref> <ref = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpj5Hg80f1E>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpj5Hg80f1E</ref>  As BlueSpike was in complete control of Chris, he could have done more sinister things, but night after night he engaged in nothing but noisy, fabricated (on Blue's end) phone sex and listened to Chris very loudly go on dates with Rosie Palms. Draw your own conclusions about BlueSpike's sexuality. One such session did eventuate in the legendary interruption by the [[Internet lumberjack]].

Today, most trolls tend to frown on BlueSpike and his methods, though some weens yearn to return to the sadist days of BlueSpike in hopes of an age of trolling where [[A-Logging|physical pain is inflicted upon Chris]].

While one might think that this level of physical and mental abuse would leave lasting scars, BlueSpike's trolling had virtually '''no''' evident long-term impact on Chris. Just a few weeks after Julie revealed her true identity, Chris had moved onto thinking he'd found another [[Ivy|sweetheart]] online, and just a few weeks after that he had no trouble believing that he was having IM sex with a [[Vanessa Hudgens|world-famous celebrity]]. The main effect it did have was that although Chris remade a new Sonichu medallion, he stopped wearing it until 1 [[July 2009]].

Chris came to believe that BlueSpike was killed at the hands of [[Clyde Cash]], from an offhand comment Cash made in [[Mumble 12]]. On [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|his version of the ED page]], Chris stated that "That little S.O.B. later died at the hands of the "[[Transformers|Starscream]]" Troll, Clyde Cash." Of course, this statement was later [[Car Pranks|revealed to be a complete and utter bluff]]. Chris himself no longer believes BlueSpike is dead, as is evident from the next section.

==Called out==
On 23 [[August 2011]], [[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David|Chris claimed]] to know BlueSpike's real identity (first name '''David''') and threatened to drop dox on him unless he made an apology video by 15 [[September 2011]]. In the video, BlueSpike was to tell people to stop calling Chris "[[Ian Brandon Anderson]]" and yelling "JULAAAAAAAAYYY!" in [[prank calls]]. Although BlueSpike did not respond to Chris' demands, the death of Bob 2 weeks later caused Chris to leave the Internet before he could reveal BlueSpike's personal information, and he ultimately lost interest in exposing his tormentor.

Even if Chris did make a video about who BlueSpike really was, it would have been for naught. The personal information Chris had actually belonged to David Harlow, a lolcow also known as [https://encyclopediadramatica.se/Nesshelper Nesshelper]. This is evidenced by Nesshelper and BlueSpike apparently sharing the same first name, the "real" photo of BlueSpike being a closeup of [https://encyclopediadramatica.se/File:Davidharlow.jpg this picture of Nesshelper], and Chris' claim of BlueSpike liking big rooms, which references a [http://vimeo.com/21478293 video rant] where Nesshelper complained about the size of a hotel room he was staying in. Aside from not being a troll and having no reason nor motivation to go after Chris, the fact that Nesshelper sounds nothing like BlueSpike in his videos makes it clear they are not the same person. Furthermore, Nesshelper was born on July 9, 1985,<ref>http://nintendodojo.com/profile.aspx?id=12501</ref> which means he would have been older than 13 during the Julie saga.

Chris was presumably given false information to highlight his [[autism|gullibility]] and possibly set up a feud between him and Nesshelper, similar to how [[Ahuviya Rotem Harel]] and [[Christopher Paul Whitney]] made negative remarks about Chris after he accused them of being [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Alec Benson Leary]] respectively. Of course, the aforementioned death of Bob prevented a conflict between the 2 from occurring; regardless, it's likely Nesshelper wasn't even aware of Chris's misguided attempt to dox him out.

==See also==
{{Fan art}}
*[[BlueSpike PSN Chats]]
*[[Bob Walks In]]
*[[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
*[[CWC Cums for a Cat]]
*[[For Julie's Eyes Only]]
*[[Julie Reveals Herself]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

==External links==

[http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=B3D68D552646B0AD BlueSpike's infamous conversation with Chris] <---- Video Removed

{{Trolls}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Julie Saga]]

BlueSpike

2016-03-16T23:09:56Z

Gsbr:

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | <s>Sweethearts</s> Trolls
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:JULAYYYYYYYY.PNG|250px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |BlueSpike
|-
|'''Real name'''
|David
|-
| '''Alias'''
| LeonSpike Julie Milvana Max Milvana
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| c. 1996
|-
| '''Gender'''
| <s>Female</s> Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| [[Trolls|Troll]]
|-
|}
{{Articleofthenow}}
Most 13-year-old boys only dream of getting to watch an [[autistic]] [[Chris|manchild]] shove pieces of [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|CRAYOLA FUCKIN' MODEL MAGIC]] up his ass. '''BlueSpike''' (AKA '''LeonSpike''', "a 13 year old brat" according to Chris) got to live that dream, when he [[troll]]ed Chris through 2 identities: a [[sweetheart]] named '''Julie''' (aka '''JULAAAY''') and her brother '''Max'''.

The trolling caused events such as Chris admitting to Julie that he had tried a [[dildo]] and [[sex toys|anal beads]], the infamous [[sex tape]] where he fucks [[Kimmi]], a description of a future scene from [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] alluding to his [[Gay 4 Sonichu|gay fans]], how Chris hates everything that's not Aryan, his [[Bob Walks In|father walking in]] to him [[mass debating]], and other sick shit.

Due to his sadistic treatment of Chris, especially [[Julie Reveals Herself|during the Mumble call where he revealed himself as Julie]], BlueSpike remains a controversial figure among Christorians. He is also indirectly responsible for the "JULAAAAAAAAYYY!" meme, so he is partially to blame for all the [[weens]] who still find it amusing.

==Julie==
[[Image:LetterfromJulie(2of2).jpg|thumb|left|100px|What Chris believed Julie looked like.]]
[[File:ChrisandJulieLBP.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Chris and Julie, together in [[LittleBigPlanet]]. The salad days.]]
{{quote|I can tell in my heart Julie IS 19.|Chris on Julie.<ref>[[Mumble 10]]</ref>}}
{{quote|JULAAAAAAY, JULAAAAAAY!!!!|Chris professes his undying love while screwing [[Kimmi|a doll]].}}

'''Julie Milvana'''<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 5]]</ref> (born 13 July 1989<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 4]]</ref>) was a [[Molvanîa]]n Methodist<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' fan who became Chris's sweetheart after [[PandaHalo]]. Her kidnap by her evil brother Max led to Chris's ill-fated [[Ohio trip|rescue mission]] to Cleveland.

"Julie" first showed up in IRC in December [[2008]], suggesting the infamous [[Tour of Chris's House]] video.<ref>[[IRC (15 December 2008)]]</ref> She later posed a ton of ''Sonichu'' questions submitted by fans<ref>[[IRC (28 December 2008)]]</ref> and was invited to [[Sonichu Girls]]. As early as 3 [[January 2009]], she asked Chris what he would do if a [[JERK]] kidnapped his [[heartsweet]]--he said, ''"I would learn his demands if any, or if he hurt her, I'd strike the jerk back."'' Julie also got excited by the prospect of an orgy with Chris and the Sonichu Girls.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref> The next day, it was revealed that Chris had promised his virginity to both Panda and Julie, and both ladies were furious, with Julie threatening to kill herself.<ref>[[IRC (04 January 2009)]]</ref> Later she calmed down and moved to Ohio to live with relatives. Ever classy, Chris suggested a threesome with PandaHalo.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs]]</ref>

Chris refused to drive to Ohio, instead insisting that Julie come to him. He also couldn't be bothered to attack Clyde in IRC, even when he threatened Julie.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 2]]</ref>

When Chris chose [[Sarah May]] over her, Julie was crushed. Chris apologized, and then abruptly [[Autism|went back to talking about vidya]].<ref name="a">[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 4]]</ref>

Clyde Cash made more serious threats against Julie, forcing Chris to upload a famous [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|5 February 2009 video]] admitting that he was gay.<ref name="a" />

Once Chris got it into his head that PandaHalo had burned to death in a wildfire, he began to focus even more on Julie as a sweetheart.

Chris received a [[:File:LetterfromJulie(1of2).jpg|letter]] written by Julie, the first physical [[:File:LetterfromJulie(2of2).jpg|proof]] of her "existence". In it, it details the love professed by her to Chris.

That Valentine's Day, Chris uploaded [[LittleBigPlanet|an ''LBP'' level]], and Chris and Julie took their relationship to the next level with cybersex. [[Bob Chandler]] [[Bob Walks In|walked in]], and the rest is history. [[Borb|Chris's parents]] didn't believe that Julie was TRUE and HONEST.<ref>[[Bob Walks In Aftermath]]</ref>

In an infamous video on 20 [[February 2009]], Chris created a sex video for Julie with the help of his inflatable assistant Kimmi, in order to give Julie an idea of what their first time together would be like. Chris's agonized cries of "JULAAAAAAAY!" would prove one of the most striking and memorable of CWC-isms; to this date, many erroneously believe that Kimmi ''is'' Julie. This is not so; Chris may be the most desperate man alive, but he's not quite got to the point where he's convinced himself any of his sex dolls are real.

{{clear}}

==Max==
[[Image:Anon.jpg|thumb|left|100px|The mysterious Max.]]
[[Image:Nnocac.jpg|thumb|Receipts from Chris's epic journey to Cleveland. Note that he asked for no [[pickle]]s on the mayo hamburger, and that the place he at was a [[Sonic]] Drive-In.]]

Max was the evil, mysterious brother of Julie who held her against her will. On 26 February 2009, Chris valiantly [[Ohio trip|traveled to Ohio]] in a bid to rescue her and got his parents all worried. (His ancestors' spirits had wished him "a Safe Trip to Ohio" two days prior at [[Aunt Corrina]]'s funeral.)<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7]]</ref> Unfortunately, because Chris got the "wrong" address, he ended up at a run down house in the ghetto that was inhabited by an elderly [[black]] woman.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 13]]</ref>

{{Main|Julie Reveals Herself}}

On 3 [[March 2009]], Max gained control of Chris's PlayStation Network account, and during an hour-long audio session threatened to sell the PSN account and forbid Julie from seeing Chris. Chris was coerced into declaring [[BILLY MAYS]] to be the mayor of CWCville and shoving the pieces of his destroyed [[Sonichu medallion]] up his anal cavity, before he was able to talk to Julie, at which point Julie admits that both she and Max were the figments of BlueSpike's imagination. At no point did BlueSpike even mention the sex tape (which had already gotten nearly 2 million hits on SlutLoad). BlueSpike's female voice is an unconvincing falsetto, which makes it all the more hilarious (or [[duress]]ful, depending on who you talk to) that it worked so well on Chris.

This incident shattered both his [[heart level]] and his anus to 0%.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|1xo3SAwefBM}}
</center>

{{-}}

==Encyclopedia Dramatica Troll War==
[[Image:Advicespikemedallion.png|thumb|right|Kids say the darndest things.]]

On 5 [[March 2009]], an all-out civil war broke out between trolls on the Chris-chan [[ED]] discussion page on whether BlueSpike had gone too far, whether he was a hypocrite, or if he was merely a tool initiated by Clyde Cash to ruse Chris into the further milking of [[lulz]]. Suffice to say, a combination of outrage and troll remorse turned the whole event into a clusterfuck.

{{quote|If BlueSpike really is 13 years old, then we know who the real child molesters are. "hey, they made fun of YOU for doing sonic recolours?, look at this guy!". "hey! be one of the cool kids, help this autistic guy jack off, pretend to be a girl so we can video tape and record it..." . Thats the REAL reason you were shiting it and called for a 30 minute silence just after, Clyde/Mayes. At least you had the balls to say that it was you responsible in channel once. You know its not going to be pizza's at 1am, and you know its not a fucking cat. If Bluespike really is 13, then you groomed a child to perform sex acts on a mentally retarded man for your pleasure. You're fucked, son. You both broke a lolcow, but theres better sport now, ruining your lives. And dont act like you dont care, I saw you shiting yourself all that night and the next, sending waves of members out to kill threads about it or put in false names, just like Your sock earlier in the page. Ready to have a seat of there?|Wit, ED user}}

Most of the trolling involved BlueSpike having phone sex with Chris for hours each night, listening to Chris masturbating. <ref = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Gq35fqRk5E&feature=channel_page>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Gq35fqRk5E</ref> <ref = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpj5Hg80f1E>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpj5Hg80f1E</ref>  As BlueSpike was in complete control of Chris, he could have done more sinister things, but night after night he engaged in nothing but noisy, fabricated (on Blue's end) phone sex and listened to Chris very loudly go on dates with Rosie Palms. Draw your own conclusions about BlueSpike's sexuality. One such session did eventuate in the legendary interruption by the [[Internet lumberjack]].

Today, most trolls tend to frown on BlueSpike and his methods, though some weens yearn to return to the sadist days of BlueSpike in hopes of an age of trolling where [[A-Logging|physical pain is inflicted upon Chris]].

While one might think that this level of physical and mental abuse would leave lasting scars, BlueSpike's trolling had virtually '''no''' evident long-term impact on Chris. Just a few weeks after Julie revealed her true identity, Chris had moved onto thinking he'd found another [[Ivy|sweetheart]] online, and just a few weeks after that he had no trouble believing that he was having IM sex with a [[Vanessa Hudgens|world-famous celebrity]]. The main effect it did have was that although Chris remade a new Sonichu medallion, he stopped wearing it until 1 [[July 2009]].

Chris came to believe that BlueSpike was killed at the hands of [[Clyde Cash]], from an offhand comment Cash made in [[Mumble 12]]. On [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|his version of the ED page]], Chris stated that "That little S.O.B. later died at the hands of the "[[Transformers|Starscream]]" Troll, Clyde Cash." Of course, this statement was later [[Car Pranks|revealed to be a complete and utter bluff]]. Chris himself no longer believes BlueSpike is dead, as is evident from the next section.

==Called out==
On 23 [[August 2011]], [[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David|Chris claimed]] to know BlueSpike's real identity (first name '''David''') and threatened to drop dox on him unless he made an apology video by 15 [[September 2011]]. In the video, BlueSpike was to tell people to stop calling Chris "[[Ian Brandon Anderson]]" and yelling "JULAAAAAAAAYYY!" in [[prank calls]]. Although BlueSpike did not respond to Chris' demands, the death of Bob 2 weeks later caused Chris to leave the Internet before he could reveal BlueSpike's personal information, and he ultimately lost interest in exposing his tormentor.

Even if Chris did make a video about who BlueSpike really was, it would have been for naught. The personal information Chris had actually belonged to David Harlow, a lolcow also known as [https://encyclopediadramatica.se/Nesshelper Nesshelper]. This is evidenced by Nesshelper and BlueSpike apparently sharing the same first name, the "real" photo of BlueSpike being a closeup of [https://encyclopediadramatica.se/File:Davidharlow.jpg this picture of Nesshelper], and Chris' claim of BlueSpike liking big rooms, which references a [http://vimeo.com/21478293 video rant] where Nesshelper complained about the size of a hotel room he was staying in. Aside from not being a troll and having no reason nor motivation to go after Chris, the fact that Nesshelper sounds nothing like BlueSpike in his videos makes it clear they are not the same person. Furthermore, Nesshelper's Encyclopedia Dramatica page indicates he was born sometime in 1985, which means he would have been older than 13 during the Julie saga.

Chris was presumably given false information to highlight his [[autism|gullibility]] and possibly set up a feud between him and Nesshelper, similar to how [[Ahuviya Rotem Harel]] and [[Christopher Paul Whitney]] made negative remarks about Chris after he accused them of being [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Alec Benson Leary]] respectively. Of course, the aforementioned death of Bob prevented a conflict between the 2 from occurring; regardless, it's likely Nesshelper wasn't even aware of Chris's misguided attempt to dox him out.

==See also==
{{Fan art}}
*[[BlueSpike PSN Chats]]
*[[Bob Walks In]]
*[[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
*[[CWC Cums for a Cat]]
*[[For Julie's Eyes Only]]
*[[Julie Reveals Herself]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

==External links==

[http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=B3D68D552646B0AD BlueSpike's infamous conversation with Chris] <---- Video Removed

{{Trolls}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Julie Saga]]

Jackie E-mails 23

2016-03-16T20:20:01Z

Gsbr:

This page lists emails exchanged between [[Chris]] and [[Jackie]] from 22 to 26 [[November 2010]].

In response to his apathy, Jackie sends Chris a torrent of angry tirades. She explains that regular women don't want to have "friends with benefits." She also says that Chris is ill-equipped for a purely sex-based relationship, due to his unattractiveness. She points out how little Rocky has done for him. Chris fails to respond to the bulk of this, instead taking a chunk completely out of context to compare himself to distressed women who want shallow relationships. He makes the surprising claims that his [[duck]] is bigger and no longer bent, and that [[Obesity#Denial|he's not fat]]. He whines that she has hurt his feelings, and accuses the world of being "[[autistic]]-like" and "unsympathetic," which Jackie again points out is just his way of preserving his ego and ensuring he never has to change. Chris condemns social networking and the [[Internet]], but Jackie reacts with skepticism.

Chris point-blank tells Jackie that her walls of text are just meaningless hate. Jackie offers a final summary that doesn't paint too good a picture.

{{Email|November 22, 2010 - 5:13pm

Hey Chris, I haven't heard back from you recently. I thought maybe you were confused about something I said. Let me reiterate some of my points for you so that you can better understand (reread this several times if you need to, I had a lot of ground to cover and it got pretty long by the time I was done writing it):

A self-respecting girl would not want a friends-with-benefits arrangement with a guy. No girl who knows her own value has any reason to want that sort of repugnant relationship. A self-respecting girl wants a real relationship with a guy. But that alone isn't what made your words to me insulting. What made what you said to me insulting was that we had spent months trying to build the basis of a relationship, but you just stomped all over it the whole time and acted like you didn't even want to be part of it. But you lied to me for months and told me you did want to be part of it. You eventually owned up and admitted your desire to be with me was a lie, but then you thought I would have some compelling reason to actually want to sleep with you after all that you had done to me. You basically told me "hey [[Jackie]], I don't really feel like putting out the effort to make you happy anymore, but I still want you to come give me free [[sex]]." Not a good way to make a girl feel special, Chris.

All that notwithstanding, I'm not holding a grudge against you. I want to be your friend, so I'm going to be helpful and lay out the facts for you so you know what you're working with. there are some girls who are perfectly willing to have a casual sex-based relationship with no strings attached. However, these girls always possess the same two qualities:

1) They usually have some kind of psychological hang-up, whether it be that they have terrible self-esteem and hate themselves, or they feel like no one could love them or that they don't deserve a real relationship, or something like that. Basically, every minute they are in this sort of hollow mockery of a relationship, they are in pain and suffering. But you probably wouldn't care about any of that, since all you want to do is fuck them and then ignore them.

2) The thing that I bet you WILL care about is that those women only care about the shallowest aspects of men. By that I mean that they want guys who are [[Liquid Chris|good-looking]], [[Clyde Cash|muscular]], [[Surfshack Tito|manly]], and have big [[pickle|dicks]]. You do not fit any of those criteria, Chris. You are significantly [[Obesity|overweight]] and flabby, you have virtually no muscle, your skin is pasty and your forehead is covered in acne scarring that is the most readily visible thing about you even in a low-light, low-resolution picture or video. Your [[hair]] is thinning and looks stringy and greasy all the time because you don't take care of it, your body isn't getting the nutrients it needs to maintain it, and you probably don't wash it all that much. [[ECV 00002|When you dressed up as]] [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], your distended gut was hanging so low it completely covered your belt buckle and much of the front of your pants, it reminded me of when [[Family Guy|Peter Griffin]] is naked and they don't have to blur his genitals because his giant gut covers them completely. All of those are things that you could take care of if you actually tried, but you just stuff yourself with fast food, soft drinks, and [[:File:Kroger sighting.jpg|Hungry Man dinners]] all day and night and make no effort to exercise or keep in shape, which is why [[100 2278|you can't do a single pull-up]] and your body is falling apart before you've even turned 30.

Also, your [[Duck|penis]] is rather small and bent at an awkward angle, girls who want an FWB arrangement just want the biggest, straightest dicks they can find. And trust me, they don't have trouble finding them. For every one of a guy like you, there are five or ten guys who actually take care of themselves physically that these girls can choose from instead. Oh, the other thing is that those girls will often forgive a less-than-attractive physique if the guy in question has a lot of money to spend on them. But having never tried to pursue an actual career (or earn [[money]] with your comics, which you have claimed many times you always wanted to do) means you have no money, either. So basically, you have nothing that an FWB-type of girl would want.

Now, if you want a girl who would look past all of the superficial stuff, you'd need to find a girl who wanted an honest relationship - a girl like me ;) Now, as I'm sure is obvious, I looked past your physical appearance, lack of money, and so on because I wanted to see what your personality is like. A lot of good girls will go for a guy who has a great personality, because that's probably the most important quality a person can possess. Now, consider that I gave you a lot of chances to show me what kind of personality you have.

In all our time communicating with each other, you showed that you are incredibly petty and vindictive. You showed that you care nothing for other peoples' property or livelihood, as evidenced by the ridiculous grudge you still possess against [[Michael Snyder]]. You went into [[The GAMe PLACe|the store]] he was in charge of running, you hogged his TV to play your own games, even though he never owed you that, and then when he tried to assert his dominance over the business HE runs, you scrawled vile graffiti slandering him in his own store, and you refuse to play by the rules and force him to ban you. And YEARS go by and you STILL hold this childish grudge to the point of repeatedly trespassing on the store's property and taking pictures of his children in a threatening manner. You are hateful and judgmental toward entire groups of people you know nothing about. You hate [[Homos|gays]] for absolutely no reason, you are afraid of [[Niggos|black people]], you think calling someone a "[[jew]]" is an insult, and yet you still get super self-righteous and act all offended whenever you think someone is disrespecting you because they don't like your autism. You are a hypocrite of immense proportions, always holding other people to standards of behavior that you believe you yourself have no obligation to follow. You criticize other people for social networking, saying "the internet is turning them autistic", even though you sit at home playing your [[Playstation 3]] ALL DAY LONG. [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|You throw words from the Bible]] at people when they do something that offends you even though you [[lie]], cheat, steal, want premarital sex, [[Death threats|threaten bodily harm/murder]] on others, and a whole host of other activities that God doesn't like. And whenever you are cornered and can't explain away your rampant egotism and hypocrisy, you will just claim that "the trolls" are responsible for all your problems, great and small, and act as though your bad internet experience excuses you from having to take responsibility for anything.

And what's more, you expect others to do everything for you and offer nothing in return. You treat Samantha like she's your personal secretary and like she should do all the hard work to make your life better, and for a while now you've treated me the same way. Whenever either of us offer you an idea of how to deal with some problem of yours, you come up with some rationalization why you are too lazy to do it and beg us to do it for you instead. You'll complain about the same problems over and over but you refuse to consider any solution that is offered to you. You have talked down to me, insulted me, lied to me repeatedly (I know you have lied to Samantha countless times), refused to do something I asked you to do many, many times, yet you still expect me to be some perfect girlfriend who makes you happy all the time. You complained about our IM conversations being stressful and said they "could be construed as arguments", just because I had a different opinion than you on things and wanted you to back up your belief instead of just believing things for no reason. You place your prized video games above all other concerns in your life, you drop the majority of what little money you have every month on video games and then whine about how you don't have the money you would need to accomplish actual goals. You complain about other people being addicted You make excuses that "once we're together, then you will improve yourself", suggesting that you expect me to be a babysitter and give your life direction because you are too lazy to give it direction yourself. If you had been a good person, things might have turned out different between us. But you proved your inside was even uglier than your outside.

The most succinct way to put why you are not currently ready to be with a girl is that you want to be taken seriously as an adult man even though you are a person who sits in [[Chris's room|your room]] playing video games all day, [[Monthly tugboat|leeching money off the government]] that could be going to people who are homeless and starving and at the same time convincing yourself that God WANTS you to have free money, has no goals, no aspirations, and no direction, who avoids any and all work like the plague, whines about [[Bob|his father]] telling him to do chores to real adults who have to work 60 hours a week and take care of themselves, all the while growing fatter, balder, greasier, and closer to death off your diet of fast food and Hungry Mans and a total lack of exercise or activity. You need to change all of these things about yourself before a relationship (fwb or not) with any girl is practical.

Well, that was pretty long, I admit, but it's ground that needed to be covered. I feel kind of better now that we're just going to be friends instead of pursuing a relationship - I feel like I can be brutally honest about things that I always felt strongly about, but had to kind of sugercoat because our relationship was something different. Friends can sometimes be honest in ways that romantic partners have difficulty with. (You might be wondering, after I just got done explaining why you are such a bad friend, why I would want to be your friend - and that's a valid point. Well, I want to be your friend because I think it is possible for you to change, become good, and get the things you want, and it's not hurting me to help you to try.)

One more thing: I have to ask you, again, what Rocky has really done for you. Has Rocky helped you get a girlfriend and/or sex partner? No, you're still alone and a [[virgin]]. Has she helped you get healthy or develop a means of interacting with adults? No, you still live like a slob and play with toys all day. You are severely depressed because you don't have a social life, but she hasn't helped you with that. All she tells you is that nothing is your fault and that your problems will be solved when the trolls are all gone. Well, when the trolls are all punished, you'll still be a lonely, depressed virgin with no real social life, no job, no hobbies, and nothing significant in his life. Why don't you ask Rocky to help you with your actual personal problems, instead of just blaming the trolls for everything? I'M trying to help you by pointing out things you need to change about yourself. Doesn't Rocky? Or does she just tell you that it's okay to sit on your ass playing video games and doing nothing with your life? I've got news for you, if that's what she's telling you, it's because she believes you're too retarded and stupid to accomplish anything and she's just humoring you.

Anyway, I know this probably sounds all pretty brutal and shocking to you. That's why I want you to save this email and reread it, over and over. Read it again each day, so the shock can fade but my message can sink in. Because you really need this message to sink in, Chris. You need to do something different with your life. If you don't, then the life you have now is all you'll ever have.

Write me back,

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|November 23, 2010 - 6:34pm

Well, I have not replied lately, because I have been emotionally suffering and lost iin thoughts of my own with my own confusions and lost paths.

Second, in response to your last message, when you described "such a woman", you essentially spelled out how I've been eeling for a long time. I have felt like I was one of them who have "some kind of psychological hang-up, whether it be that they have terrible self-esteem and hate themselves, or they feel like no one could love them or that they don't deserve a real relationship, or something like that. Basically, every minute they are in this sort of hollow mockery of a relationship, they are in pain and suffering." Congratulations, you put my situation in life in better words than I could have ever.

And I do not appreciate the hurtful insults I have read after hat directed towards me. [[Duck|My dick]] is bigger than previously photographed, and it is no longer bent. And [[obesity|I am not overweight]]. Two wrongs do not make a right, so at this point, I'll leave you to think about how much more hurt you've made me.}}

{{Email|November 23, 2010 - 7:33pm
Hi Chris.

I have been thinking about the stuff I said to you, and will continue to do so. But I do not feel guilty in the least about it. Everything I told you was the complete and utter truth. And as I explicitly told you, I set out with only that purpose - to make you face the truth. I didn't set out to hurt you. I certainly did not set out to wrong you just because you wronged me out of believing that "two wrongs make a right". And what you call being "hurt", I call being knocked off your high horse and forced to accept some humility, which is something you desperately needed. You have believed for far too long that you deserve to have all your desires handed to you on a silver platter and that you shouldn't have to work to earn any of it. I set out to end that. So if you're expecting me to feel guilty or remorseful over trying to set you right, you're in for a yet another rude awakening, buddy-boy.

You would have a chance at a relationship if you just took care of yourself. You need to start eating healthy, take care of your appearance, build some muscle, and lose a lot of weight. You also need to stop treating girls like they are just living [[Kimmi|sex toys]] who exist to validate your manliness. You can't have a relationship the way you are now because you treat everyone around you as tools for your own selfish advancement and you never give a shit about what other people want. And yes, you are overweight. YOU ARE [[Obesity|OVERWEIGHT]]. at 5'10" and 216 lbs, your Body Mass Index is about 31, which classifies you as obese. And even that is probably a pretty low estimate - you weight moderately less than a person as fat as you would normally weigh, because muscle is denser than fat, and you have NO muscle. Look at yourself in the picture I included, really look at it. A nearly 29-year-old man should not have that giant gut hanging over his pants.

Do you know why most people don't like you? Do you know why women don't approach you, and why people don't praise you, and why people on the internet mock you? It's because you are a horrible, selfish, [[ego]]tistical person. You have NO respect and NO consideration for other people. THAT is why you are alone and unloved. People will give you no compassion because you believe you don't have to show any to other people. It's not because people are "jealous" of you - they know your life sucks, they wouldn't want to be in your shoes. It's not because they're playing "[[kick the autistic]]". No one GIVES A SHIT that you are [[autistic]], they NEVER DID. People don't like you because you use your autism as a fucking excuse to refuse to do anything and demand that other people fix your problems for you. People don't like you because you want them to treat you like a fucking king at the same time as you treat them like shit. People don't like you because you act as if you are doing everything right and all your problems are someone ELSE'S fault when the truth is that your problems are all YOUR fault.

As I said, not a single thing in my last email was an insult. Not one bit. It was all true. IT IS ALL TRUE. Swallow your fucking pride and accept that I'm not insulting you just because I'm refusing to kiss your ass and make you face the uncomfortable truth about yourself. You know exactly what you have to do to fix your life, Chris. I know you do because [[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails|Samantha]] and I (and other people) have told you COUNTLESS TIMES what you need to do to improve your situation. No one else will do it for you. If you don't fix it, no one else ever will.

The way I see it, you have two choices:
1) Put your pride aside, admit you are not special and that you have to follow the same life rules as everyone else, and do the same exact hard work that everyone else needs to do to be happy.
2) Sit on your ass, continue whining that people like me who try to help you are "hurting your feelings", continue to believe that you are a special little snowflake who has endured far worse hardship than anyone else, and spend the rest of your life as a lonely virgin.

I can kind of see now why you love going to Rocky for counseling, and I also understand better what exactly Rocky does to "counsel" you. The answer to both is that she blows smoke up your ass, tells you that none of your problems are your fault, and that you don't have to take responsibility for yourself. And you love that, because you want everyone around you to just kiss your ass. Well, the flip side of that is that Rocky thinks your a retard who will never improve or have sex. I'M the one who believes you stand a chance, Chris. I'M the one who is telling you the truth while she lies to you because she thinks you're hopeless. But by all means, if you'd rather never get sex or love or happiness just so that you can continue to pretend that someone else is obligated to fix your life for you, then don't listen to me. Go ahead and close your mind to the truth when someone who actually WANTS to see you be HAPPY tries to tell it to you like it is. I hope you respond to this and keep an open mind, but I can't make you, and if you want to keep living in your own self-imposed hell I won't lose sleep over it.

Jackie}}
{{Email|November 25, 2010 - 4:58pm
Hey Chris! Just wanted to wish you happy turkey day. Are you and your family doing anything special today?

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|November 26, 2010 - 4:25pm
Thanks for the Thanksgiving Greeting. It was pleasant.

I am not an [[Chris and his Ego|egotisital]], selfish man, andwhile the truth is appreciated sometimes, there IS a certain level of Truth Telling that should Never be Exceded, because of hurting the other's feelings and emotions worse than they already are. Is Sympathy a Lost Art in this Damn Digital Communicatve Age that makes more and more Society Autistic-like Every day?

I am sorry for the wrongs I have done, but in this day and age, what I Really Need is Friends in real Life I do not Have To E-Mail Ever, but actually Hang Out In Person and Actually Hang Out and Positively Encourage each other.

I have been in deep thought and self-checking towards how to better improve myself, meet new people and whatever. I just do not care to converse via e-mail or over the internet anymore. It is In Person in Real Life or Bust for me.

Internet Socialization is BULL CRAP, and you can Quote me ALL OVER the DAMN, FUCKING Internet, AND in the Newsletter Article, as you please.

Take Care and Stay Safe,

One Misunderstood, Lonely, Caring Idiot,

Christian Weston Chandler.}}

{{EmailReply|November 26, 2010 - 7:36pm
And another thing, When constantly exceeding that Hurtful Truth Level to me, it feels like to me you're, and you may as well have, told me, "I Hate You! I Hate You!", and forget about me.}}

{{Email|November 26, 2010 - 8:24pm
Hey Chris! I'm glad your Thanksgiving went well. Anyway, I have some responses to each of your points, which I will put after each section of your writing.

''"I am not an egotisital, selfish man, andwhile the truth is appreciated sometimes, there IS a certain level of Truth Telling that should Never be Exceded, because of hurting the other's feelings and emotions worse than they already are."''

You are egotistical, because not only do you believe yourself to be an ideal partner for any woman in your present state without requiring change, but you also believe it is plausible and practical to remain in your comfort zone for your entire life, to the point that avoiding any kind of discomfort or displeasure is one of your primary life goals. You are most definitely selfish, as evidenced by your unwillingness to budge even the slightest bit when I asked you to step out of said comfort zone and give me something I wanted. You always tried to twist and warp my requests into something else entirely, then you egotistically told me "it's good enough like that", even though I am the one who would determine that, not you. The truths I told you were things you absolutely needed to hear, because you so strongly believed yourself to be a paragon of manhood and you were in such a strong denial that nothing else COULD get through to you. Throwing that bucket of water in your face was on the same principle on which interventions are conducted. I have been nice to you time and again, but you just refuse to listen when advice is given "nicely". Using harsh words was entirely necessary.

''"Is Sympathy a Lost Art in this Damn Digital Communicatve Age that makes more and more Society Autistic-like Every day?"''

I have two responses to this: First of all, sympathy has nothing to do with this. I have spent months sympathizing with you on every subject that bothers you, but it has gotten you nowhere. You still sit alone in your room, depressed and resentful toward the rest of the world. You don't listen when people sympathize with you. I chose my words very carefully because I KNEW they would shock you. I KNEW that shocking you was the only thing that might stand a chance of making you realize that you don't have the luxury of just sitting and waiting for the world to make itself perfect for you.

Secondly, you complain about not receiving sympathy, but when have you ever offered it? When people sympathize with you, all you end up doing is demanding that they fix your problems for you. You don't sympathize at all with people like me or Samantha when we get frustrated at how you routinely ignore our advice and would rather piss your life away playing video games. Friendship seems to be one-sided affair with you; you expect "sympathy" - which I think you misinterpret to mean "[[White knight|coddling]]" - but don't return the favor.

Thirdly, stop saying the internet is "making people autistic". That is grade A BULLSHIT. You bitch all the time about how everyone else has friends and relationships and can socialize, and how you are the only person who has your problems socializing; who then are these supposed people who are turning autistic? As I said, my words were deliberately chosen, I didn't "forget" how to "sympathize" with you just because my words came in an email instead of in person. I would have said the same exact thing to you in person. How about you stop playing the fucking PS Triple for 10 hours a day? Because I don't think you have a right to say others are addicted to the internet when you drop nearly every dollar you have buying stupid games on the internet.

''"I am sorry for the wrongs I have done, but in this day and age, what I Really Need is Friends in real Life I do not Have To E-Mail Ever, but actually Hang Out In Person and Actually Hang Out and Positively Encourage each other."''

Fair enough, it's nice to have friends in real life. So how's that working for you? How many people have you met out in the real world? You can't be talking about ME when you mention socializing in real life - we met online, so talking to me in real life would defeat your silly idea that internet socialization is worthless. Who else do you have? Or are you still expecting people to come up to you and do all the work for you? That's another perfect example of your egotism: You expect others to do all the work of creating a relationship with you, but you can't be bothered to put any effort into it yourself. You just say "I don't know what to do or where to go" as an excuse, despite the fact Samantha has given you many, many detailed ideas of how to start.

''"I have been in deep thought and self-checking towards how to better improve myself, meet new people and whatever. I just do not care to converse via e-mail or over the internet anymore. It is In Person in Real Life or Bust for me."''

I hope you're aware that "Bust" means "virgin forever". You've spent the past decade of your adult life putting absolutely no effort into anything, including making friends, so I don't see why you would start now. I've been doing nothing but trying to help you, but if you arrogantly think you can afford to just toss me away because I won't bend over backwards for a guy who never put effort into making me happy, then I guess I can't stop you. Hope your pride keeps you warm at night when you don't have any relationships.

''"Internet Socialization is BULL CRAP, and you can Quote me ALL OVER the DAMN, FUCKING Internet, AND in the Newsletter Article, as you please."''

Wow, thanks. Glad to see how worthless you consider all of your interactions with me. Is that the sort of "sympathy" you were complaining about not receiving?
As I said, you do nothing in real life, you just expect others to take care of you for your entire life. So I don't see how the internet is such an awful thing by comparison.

''"And another thing, When constantly exceeding that Hurtful Truth Level to me, it feels like to me you're, and you may as well have, told me, "I Hate You! I Hate You!", and forget about me."''

You've just written a large email telling me that you basically want to forget about me because email is inconvenient and because I don't kiss your ass enough. Once again, sterling display of reciprocity you show there, Chris. Everyone is supposed to be nice and sympathetic to you but you don't care what others think or feel or need.

So anyway, if you want to go your whole life without having to face the truth about yourself, that's fine. Just accept that you won't be respected as an adult and that you won't be getting a girlfriend or sex... ever.

Jackie}}

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[[Category:Jackie E-mails| 23]]

Obesity

2016-03-16T20:18:43Z

Gsbr: /* Actual weight claims */

[[Image:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|[[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki#Christianchandler|Look at his "slender" figure.]]]]
[[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|thumb|180px|The Atkins Diet apparently didn't work on [[Barb]].]]

{{quote|One more thing, [[Chris and reality|I AM NOT OVERWEIGHT!!!!!!!!!]]|Chris, lying to [[White knight emails|White Knight]]}}
{{Quote|I do not feel good hearing remarks or comments that have relation to my gut.|Chris to [[Jackie]]<ref>[[Jackie Chat 6]]</ref>}}

'''Obesity''' is perceived to be a worldwide epidemic, especially in the [[USA]], with about 65% of adults overweight and 26% obese. This is especially apparent in the [[14 Branchland Court|Chandler home]], in which 100% of its residents are fat: [[Chris]], [[Barbara]], and even [[Chandler Cats|their]] [[Clover and Snoopy|pets]].

Chris seems to be in denial about his own obesity. His denial is evidenced by the fact that he portrays himself as [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|a slim, barrel-chested hero]] in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]] and in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], when he describes himself as "fit as a fiddle." Furthermore, in his numerous dating profiles discovered by the trolls, he often lists himself as having an "athletic build" or at the very least having weight that is proportionate to his height.

Another example of this was when he created a character for his comics named [[Sammy]], whom Chris stated is based off him when he "temporary[sic] gained weight, became stupid, and went to watch television at ghost command," even though he has always been this way. Except, y'know, for the Ghost Command part. But [[Chris and reality|that's]] a whole other problem.

Further cementing his obesity, on [[October 2011|October 2nd, 2011]], Chris's voluptuous manboobs won an award on [http://www.manboobs.co.uk/submissions/manboob_of_the_month manboobs.co.uk].

== Exercise ==
[[Image:Cwcspin.gif|right|Exercise]]

Chris believes that standing up without moving is a legitimate form of exercise, and as such considers playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' a workout. During one of his [[PSN]] chats with Julie, when asked to exercise more, he replied, "I'll stand up more". It is not known how Chris came to believe that standing up is exercise, but it is most likely that Chris is simply extremely lazy and will lie to say that he works out every day, even though he just plays [[video games]]. It's possible he's picked it up from health tips that say standing burns more calories than sitting down,<ref>http://www.rd.com/living-healthy/8-ways-to-burn-calories-without-noticing/article16261.html ''Reader's Digest.'' See tip #3</ref><ref>http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/office-exercise/SM00115 ''Mayo Clinic.'' See tip #2</ref> but rather than use such tips to get the most out of an already busy lifestyle, he substitutes it for actual exercise altogether. It's also entirely possible he's in such terrible shape that the simple act of standing tires him as much as an actual workout would tire a normal human being.

[[Emily]] has said Chris power-walks around his neighborhood for thirty minutes and claims it's two miles (3 km), then claims to jog for two or three minutes every walk. She then went on to say Chris doesn't know how to jog — his idea of jogging is actually sprinting. It's safe to say he tries to run at "[[Sonic]] speed" for ten seconds, then resumes his leisurely waddle. This theory is confirmed in [[Sonichu's Edge]].

In [[Mailbag 21]], Chris claimed that he planned on investing in a gym membership. Judging by photographs and videos featuring his midsection from subsequent months, he either lied or wasted his money.

== Diet ==
Another contribution to Chris' obesity is the food he eats. Chris' [[McDonald's|diet]] is appalling, consisting mainly of fast food and other unhealthy stuff. While it would be acceptable if he treated himself to that stuff occasionally, there's no question that it's a staple of his diet. The sheer amount of calories he consumes, coupled with his laziness, means that he's carrying around enough extra mass to make another person. His diet will most likely also cause problems other than obesity.

== Actual weight claims ==
[[File:Burlesque1.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris's weight in [[June 2015]].]]

Modern measurement of whether someone is overweight/obese generally employs the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_mass_index BMI] system, which creates an index based on the height and weight of an individual. This system is by no means perfect; the readings tend to be inaccurately high for people whose height is abnormally tall, and/or whose bodies are heavily set, because these people have more bone weight than others. However, it is a very accurate system when applied to people of average height and bone structure - which Chris is.

One of the two factors required to calculate BMI is height. Chris claims to be 5'10" (1.78 m),<ref>[[The Hook Cafe#Characteristics]]</ref> which is possible, but even at this height, his BMI would never have been under the "overweight" bracket since he began to record it. Given how readily [[List of Chris's Lies|Chris lies to serve himself]], he may be shorter, which would render his BMI in the "obese" range. In a [[26_December_2014#Police_Scanner_Video|police scanner report]], he was described as being 5'9" (1.75 m). For the sake of simplicity, the BMI data listed below is based on his self-reported height.

* 20 July 2005 - In a [[Diary]] entry, Chris reported that his weight was '''180 pounds''' (about 80 kg) <ref>[[CWC's Diary#2005]]</ref> meaning that during that time his BMI was 25.8, which is overweight.

* Fall 2009 - Chris told Kacey that his weight was somewhere between '''215 and 220 pounds''' (98-100 kg) <ref>[[Kacey Call 12]]</ref>, meaning his BMI was between 30.8 and 31.6, nudging him into the obese range.

* Fall 2009 - In a later conversation with Kacey, Chris said that at a recent doctor's visit he had weighed in at '''205 pounds''' (93 kg), down from 216 the last time he had been there.<ref>[[Kacey Call 19]]</ref>

* February 2010 - Chris claimed to weigh "'''about 200 [pounds]'''" (91 kg), and also admitted to having once weighed more than 220 pounds (100 kg). Even if we interpret the words "about 200" to mean 190, his BMI at the time would still be 27.3 i.e overweight, nearing obesity. He also claimed at this time that his goal was to get down to 180 pounds (82 kg).<ref>[[Mailbag 54#Fatty]]</ref>

* October 2010 - In the [[WeighIn|WeighIn video]], Chris claimed to weigh '''216 pounds''' (97 kg). This seems very unrealistic, given his apparent girth and food consumption. Most [[trolls|experts]] believe that Chris either offset his scale by 40 or 50 pounds, or that he did not fully stand on the scale in order to fool people into believing he's not extremely fat. It is also possible that Chris's years of inactivity had caused his muscles to deteriorate to the point that he looked like he weighed more than 250 pounds, when actually he was just 216 pounds of pure fat. Even if we assume that he indeed weighed only 216 lbs at the time, this would still put his BMI at 31, making him '''obese'''.

* April 2012 - Chris announced on Facebook that he was "going down to '''223''' <nowiki>[101 kg]</nowiki> and falling."<ref>[[April 2012 Facebook posts]]</ref>

* July 2013 - Chris again posted to Facebook that he was "down to '''220'''" (~100 kg).<ref>[[July 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref>

* October 2013 - Just three months later, Chris told Facebook that according to his doctor's visit he weighed '''211 pounds''' (96 kg), and had lost seven pounds since last he checked.<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref>

* January 2014 - Chris asserted on Facebook that he weighed "'''about 202 pounds'''" (91 kg). While many would be quick to dismiss this solely on the basis that he eats at McDonald's regularly, at least one report shows that it can't be the sole factor, due to [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2533353/Forget-Super-Size-Me-Man-loses-37lbs-lowers-cholesterol-eating-McDonalds-three-months.html one individual actually ''losing weight'' on a pure McDonald's diet]. However, given the sheer deluge of fast/processed food Chris eats from other places, the non-existence of an exercise regimen, and the simple fact that his face is a lot fatter compared to previous photographs of him, this claim that he weighs 202 pounds is ''very'' dubious.<ref>[[January 2014 Facebook Posts]]</ref>

* October 2014 - Chris defensively told his friend Shaina that he weighed "'''around 200''' <nowiki>[91 kg]</nowiki>, give or take two or three."<ref>[[Open Relationship E-mails]]</ref>

== Health ==
''Main article: [[Chris and health]]''

Obviously, all this has an adverse effect on Chris' health. Morbidly obese people are far more likely to develop diabetes, heart disease, and a number of other ailments. While it is admittedly possible to be fat '''and''' fit, Chris' lifestyle, combined with ample evidence of his lack of physical prowess, means that this does not apply to him.

== Denial ==
{{Quote|He's fat! Iiiiii'm thin!|Chris breaking out into chorus on [[Alec Benson Leary]]<ref>[[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal]]</ref>}}
[[Image:FattyLOL.jpg|thumb|180px|Horizontal stripes are very slimming!]]

Chris has generally been in denial about his weight. A white knight once told him that he needed to lose some weight if he ever wanted to get a girlfriend. Chris responded by freaking out and exclaiming that he wasn't overweight.<ref>[[White knight E-mails#September 2008 .E2.80.94 Chris denies being fat and sexist]]</ref> In [[IRC]], Chris has been known to become very defensive about his weight, always making claims that he works out, when in fact he just stands up while playing ''Guitar Hero''. Chris's reaction to being called fat is precisely the same as his reaction to being called [[homos|gay]]. Unfortunately for Chris, there isn't a [[Homo#Defenses_against_becoming_homo|poster that will help him lose weight]]. He simply screams that he isn't fat, then oftentimes lies, and calls the person accusing him fat. He exhibited this behavior during an email with [[Evan]],<ref>[[Masturbating_and_squirtin%27#Transcript of Chrisreply1evan.jpg|1st email to Evan]]</ref> during his phone call with [[Father Call|Kacey's father]], and especially in his conversation with [[Kacey and Liquid Call|Kacey and Liquid Chris]], where insults about his weight triggered a screaming rage.

However, during his original rivalry with [[Liquid Chris]], Chris once finally admitted he was perhaps maybe just a little bit fat, but only because he could use this as proof that he was the ''real'' Christian Weston Chandler. A similar problem arose during the [[Asperchu]] saga, where Chris, in an attempt to prove that Asperchu was a parody of himself, was forced to admit that Asperchu's "Buddha belly" and "man boobs" are similar to his own. More specifically, he acts as though he ''used'' to have a sagging gut, even though he has, in fact, porked up significantly since [[high school]]. He chose to focus on this aspect of Asperchu rather than admit his more embarrassing failures the series parodies. He did once admit in a [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|phone call]] with [[Jack Thaddeus]] that he was not fit.

There is also convincing evidence that [[autism|Chris has difficulty recognizing]] the human figure — faces in particular. His consistent representation of himself as slender and athletic may be attributable to his having formed his self-image during high school, when he would spend hours studying his then-scrawnier self in the mirror, memorizing his looks. However, this is unlikely as Chris has never "spent hours studying" anything.<ref> [[Sonichu_7#Episode_16:_.22Time_Hogs.22|''Sonichu'' #7]] - "…I had to train my brain to visually remember what I looked like…"</ref>

==See also==
* [[Chris and health]]
* [[Muscle bra|Manboobs]]
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonald's]]
* [[Golden Corral]]
* [[Chick-fil-A]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

Asperchu

2016-03-16T19:47:48Z

Gsbr: /* Calling Out */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[File:Alec Benson Leary.jpg|thumbnail|right|Alec Benson Leary, in the flesh.]]

:''This article discusses the award-winning comic series '''''Asperchu''''' and its relationship with Chris. For information about the ''Asperchu'' series itself, please see [[Asperchu/Background]].''

'''''Asperchu''''' is a multiple award-winning comic series created by Alec Benson Leary of [[Wikipedia:Eden Prairie, Minnesota|Eden Prairie, Minnesota]].<ref>[[Mailbag 19#A very Asperchu Christmas]]</ref> His [[Chris and art|deft artwork]], [[Chris and writing|gripping stories, and excellent characterization]] has resulted in the series gaining hundreds of fans in the few short months since its inception. Many of these fans were discontented followers of the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]], who were turned off by the comics becoming exponentially more disturbing.

==Similarities to Chris==
[[Image:Asperchu-and-sonichu-meet.jpg|thumb|left|The first drawing Alec sent Chris.]]
[[File:Vote sonichu for DA.jpg|thumb|[[Sonichu]] for DA.]]
While Alec has stated that Asperchu is not a parody of [[Chris]],<ref>[[Mailbag 32]]</ref> there are many similarities between the two. Both of them are [[Obesity|overweight]], [[Pedo-Glasses|bespectacled]], [[naïve]] individuals who find themselves somewhat out of place in the world. They both address the masses through [[List of videos|YouTube videos]], and both are preoccupied with finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] to make into a [[sweetheart]].

These similarities between the two characters has resulted in no shortage of [[Chris and anger|rage]] from Chris. He seems to feel that the only reason Asperchu exists is to poke fun at him. He also takes serious offense at the idea of a [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]] who suffers from [[Asperger's]], for [[Chris and his Ego|some reason]].

==Chris on Asperchu==
{{quote|''Die'', you son of a bitch! Alec... '''Die'''.|[[Chris]]<ref>[[Down With Asperchu]]</ref>}}
[[Image:Aspergchulove.jpg|thumb|The second drawing Alec sent Chris.]]

It's no secret that Chris hates Asperger's syndrome (and presumably everybody that suffers from it), due to some illusory sense of competition between Asperger's and other disorders on the [[autism]] spectrum. The knowledge that someone had created a series about an [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] who suffered from the affliction did not sit well with him. He became even angrier when the creator of the series himself started sending him e-mails.

The first recorded communication we have between Alec and Chris implies that Alec had been in contact with him multiple times outside of the public view and that Chris had responded to these communications negatively.<ref>[[Mailbag 10#Meet Asperchu]]</ref> Chris didn't respond any better on his public mailbag, claiming that Alec was jealous of him and inexplicably alleging that the included fan art of Asperchu and Sonichu implied [[homos]]exuality.

Upset that Chris would jump to such conclusions, Alec sent him another letter, depicting Sonichu and Asperchu having good, masculine, straight fun.<ref>[[Mailbag 17#Sonichu loves Asperchu no homo]]</ref> This letter was even more poorly received.

Undaunted, Alec continued to send letters to Chris's mailbag, thinking that perhaps the man he respected so much really just misunderstood him. A few of these letters were [[Mailbag 19#A very Asperchu Christmas|ignored]], some were [[Mailbag 28#Hey kids, it's Asperchu!|coldly dismissed]], but Chris's most [[Mailbag 31#Asperchu is the shit|notable]] [[Mailbag 32#Parodies|responses]] were explosive outbursts of [[Chris and anger|anger]] and hatred. Eventually, Chris began [[Mailbag 35#No comment|refusing to respond]] to Alec's correspondence, or [[Mailbag 34#Asperpedia!|deleting his messages outright]].

In ''Asperchu'' Issue C, Chris made an appearance asking for help from the characters to save Asperchu. Later, he and [[Liquid Chris|CChanSonichuCWC]] met up with each other, leading to a standoff where Chris tried to shoot him. Chris [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|responded]] to the comic, mentioning that he was set on fire in the comic. He didn't seem to notice that he was also called by the name [[Ian Brandon Anderson]], nor did he notice the appearance of Liquid Chris.

Since the ''Asperchu'' saga started really taking off, Chris's schedule for [[Sonichu (comic)|his own comic]] has [[stress|dropped drastically]].

Beyond this, Chris made clear that he also hates the comic because of its "uncensored pictures" and "low resolution and blocky art". Here, we see Chris's [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]] in action. The "uncensored pictures" he's all up in arms over are just minor posters hung up mostly in Asperchu's room and even so, they are mostly hidden away by the character's heads. Chris's "uncensored pictures" are done by the main characters in full view, despite the fact that ''Sonichu'' is supposed to be a "kids' comic". Chris probably took the terms "blocky" and "low-resolution" from the ''[[Family Guy]]'' episode [[Wikipedia:Road to the Multiverse|Road to the Multiverse]]. Of course, compared to Chris's [[Chris and art|art]], it's the fucking ''Mona Lisa''. It also helps that Alec is humble and doesn't try to act like his artwork is amazing and worthy of being hung in a museum.

==Asperpedia==
[[Image:Haitihelp.JPG|thumb|Clearly, Asperchu is pure evil.]]
After finishing the first three issues of his comic, Alec Benson Leary set up his own Mediawiki website where one could read all existing comics, as well as a number of articles about the world of ''Asperchu'', and read fan mail answered by Mr. Leary. Soon afterward, portals were added to the site for other notable comics, such as [[Evan]]'s [[Evan#Simonchu|''Simonchu'']], {{anchor|Sean}} and ''Sonichu is Dead'' creator Sean August Watley's latest project, ''Moon-Pals''. In [[February 2010]], more comics were added, including Alec's ''Sonichu Revolution'', Sean's ''Sonichu is Dead'' and ''Sonichu is Gay'', and Isabel Monday's ''Capering Berries''.

[[Jack Thaddeus]], recognizing the incredible profit potential of ''Asperchu'', immediately began advertising the new website on the [[CWCipedia]]. Chris responded to these new ads, and his newfound knowledge of Alec's website with a series of increasingly disturbing videos<ref>[[Down with Asperchu]], [[12 January 2010]], [[14 January 2010]], [[15 January 2010]], [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L]]</ref> where he made his opinions on the matter quite clear.

Alec, being a gentle soul, has not directly responded to any of Chris's offensive videos. When [[Down with Asperchu#Alec's response to the video|asked by a concerned fan]], he outlined his planned course of action as one of peace, citing his personal hero, [[Wikipedia:Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi|Mahatma Gandhi]]. His webmaster, Mao "Bamboo" Ling has opted for a more direct approach, speaking to Chris directly in two short [[YouTube]] videos.

The large banner ad for Asperpedia was replaced by a link to information on the U.S. Government's efforts to help the victims of [[Wikipedia:2010 Haiti earthquake|the earthquake in Haiti]], because Alec cares about the plight of his fellow men.

Due to the growing popularity of ''Asperchu'' over ''Sonichu'', the site later set up a fan portal where aspiring writers can make their own ''Sonichu'' fanfictions. Various pre-existing titles, including ''Sonichu: The Animated Series'', are also hosted in the fan section. There is even a parody version of [[CWCipedia]] set up by Mao, where totally fictitious articles on ''Sonichu''-related things are made, including photoshopped images of the original comic.

Eventually on May 27, 2010, Mao took complete control of CWCipedia, after which Alec and [[Vivian Gee]] started uploading ''Sonichu'' Season 2. The CWCipedia was then permanently deleted for Mao to gain the upper hand after noting to the Comic Fury staff that, without ''Sonichu'' and Chris to bargain for a lower price, they must be forced to sign with him. The rights to the Asperpedia was then sold for $150,000.

The Asperpedia was eventually shut down, however, according to Alec Benson Leary, "It was run by a spazlord who took it down randomly in a fidgety fit one day. I didn't care to fight for it."

===The 19 January Demands===
On 19 January 2010, Chris uploaded twelve new pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], which are centered mostly around Asperchu and the Asperpedia. [[Chris and his Ego|Ever the heroic savior]], Chris pictures himself, along with [[Ultra Sonichu]], destroying the slanderous Asperpedia and saving Alec's characters from their [[Asperger syndrome|terrible affliction]], with Asperchu himself getting an "EXTREME ELECTRIC MAKEOVER" and becoming "[[Mitch Sonichu]]".

Not content with this, Chris then issued an ultimatum to Alec through a blog post:

{{Quote|Although within Alec's Hands, Asperchu IS a horrific joke, not only because of the uncensored nudity, wrongful character usage and all that, but also because the whole thing is drawn in a c***py Blocky and Low Resolution way.

I still have NO association with Alec Benson Leary OR HIS Asperchu character Whatsoever, but I will forgive Alec for his error if he FOLLOWS from my new plot and Extreme Electric Makeover as a template. He is no longer "Asperchu", just call him [[Mitch Sonichu]].|Chris's featured quote on January 19, 2010.}}

Alec didn't listen to Chris's demands, instead keeping everyone there and just introducing Mitch Sonichu as simply "Mitch Chu", who appears to be a [[Homos|gay stylist]], as well as Whisp Sonichu as the character Whispy Sonichu, Punchy's [[slow-in-the-mind]] cousin.

==Apologies==
In [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|a 1 February 2010 video]], Chris finally admitted that Asperchu was not a [[parody]] of himself or his original creation, Sonichu, and was instead a completely original character. He also apologized for spreading lies about Alec, such as suggesting that he [[Mailbag 50|only responded to fan mail that puts him in a positive light]], and for the constant [[death threats]] against him. He also apologized for trying to commandeer [[Evan]]'s [[Simonchu]] character (though he tactfully avoided mentioning his blatant ripoff, [[Simonla]]).

However, Chris's real motivations quickly become obvious as he proceeded to beg Alec and Evan to help him take down the [[CWCipedia#CWCipedia Advertisements|CWCipedia ads]], which had become increasingly homoerotic and insulting to Chris.

A few days later, Chris made [[I am Alive|another video]] fully apologizing for his threats towards the four, deciding to give up Simonla and delivering a half-assed Forgiveness Blessing to Mao, in the hope of finally removing the ads (which also included a [[parody]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] involving him and [[Snorlax|his mom]] and an obituary for Chris).

On 25 [[February 2010]], Chris released the last pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], in which he did kill off [[Simonla]]... but turned around and ''brutally executed'' the "Asperpedia Four."

[[Book10Replacement|A revised version]], inspired by Chris's [[sweetheart]] [[Jackie]], replaced the death sentences with a lifetime placement among the Amish. Jackie insisted on a parade in honor of Alec and Asperchu<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 19]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie E-mails 20]]</ref><ref>[[Lars Call]]</ref> but Chris did not honor his promise.

==Phone calls==
{{main|Alec Benson Leary calls}}

{{quote|Encourage the fans that were originally my fans to come back to me.|Chris}}

On 9 [[February 2010]], [[Mao]] sent [[Evan]] and [[Sean]] a series of seven phone conversations between Alec Benson Leary and Chris. While these conversations were meant to stay between the [[Asperpedia]] staff, they were eventually leaked by Mao for the world to hear. An [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|eighth]] and [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|ninth]] phone call between Chris and Alec followed on 18 February and 25 February, respectively.

==Trial and execution of Asperpedia staff==

{{Quote|We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore.|Chris, [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]}}

Despite Alec attempting to help Chris out several times during the phone calls, Chris would involve Alec, along with Mao, Sean and Evan, in the penultimate pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. They are portrayed as stupid, murderous characters, who are tried by [[CWCville]]'s court for the murder of [[Simonla Rosechu]], as well as the theft and mockery of several citizens of CWCville. After a rather one-sided trial (in CWCville's favor, of course), Alec and co. are sentenced to death, Alec specifically in a "ten-button Electric chair". He is electrocuted to death by various characters that were "misrepresented" in ''Asperchu'', including Sonichu, who states that he is [[Homos|"not gay"]] as he jointly ends Alec's life. Chris himself also joins in on the fun, and ironically, and also hypocritically, states that Alec is a "d*** lunatic," after which he helps fry him to a crisp, before proceeding to slowly twist Mao's limbs backwards until they snap using telekinesis, followed shortly after by crushing his heart. Evan is horribly mutilated by [[Sandy Rosechu]] whilst chained to a wall, and Sean is used as target practice by [[Bill the Scientist]], [[Kel]] and [[Allison]].

During this brutality, Chris also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Calls|apologized]] for some of his own wrongdoings towards the Asperchu Four, as well as his fans.

In recent updates to [[Sonichu 11]], Chris made good on his promise to "revive" Simonla. However in the pages, it is revealed that [http://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Son11p22.jpg[she never died in the first place]]. This means that Chris set up the trial on a whim just so he would have a convenient excuse to kill Alec, Mao, Sean, and Evan.

==''Sonichu Revolution''==
When the CWCipedia was taken down during the [[Simonchu]] dispute, it appeared Chris was not going to budge and would [[9_February_2010|possibly set up shop elsewhere]]. Considering Chris's laziness, how long that would take was anyone's guess. The possibility that no new comics would appear for days, weeks, or even months was likely, and this didn't take into account how often Chris's new digs would get hacked. Fortunately Alec, being the nice guy that he is, decided ''Sonichu'' fans should not be deprived of the promised reboot. He took it upon himself to not only deliver fans new pages through Chris's site, but to also take care of the looming copyright issues that Chris had been unwilling to tackle. All while still uploading new ''Asperchu'' comics.

Chris, of course, took this in entirely the wrong way. In the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|eighth phone call]], he accused Alec of stealing his work and attempting to impersonate him. Also, while he expressed offense at the violence of some of the ''Sonichu Revolution'' strips, he showed no signs of grasping the way Alec's comic mocks the unoriginality, moral hypocrisy, sexual degeneracy, and generally warped outlook of Chris's original ''Sonichu'' stories.

===''Sonichu Revolution'' Gallery===
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Sonichurevolution01.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution02.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution03.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution4.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution05.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution06.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution07.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution08.jpg
Image:SonichuRevolution9.jpg
Image:SonichuRevolution10.jpg
Image:SonichuRevolution11.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution12.jpg
Image:Sonichurevolution13.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==CWCipedia advertisements==
[[File:Asperchuissue5ad.jpg|thumb|200px|The ad in question.]]
Shortly after 110mb returned from what may have been its billionth outage, a large ''Asperchu'' ad appeared at the top of every article, depicting [[Sonichu]] shooting Chris in the calves ([[Sonichu Special 4|sound familiar?]]) while calling him a "[[Honest Content|fat little son of a bitch]]". Chris claimed that he won't let the ad get to him, but as anyone who has heard a lulzcow claim this before knows, this implies that he could possibly be one good push away from an explosion. Either that, or he failed to grasp this ad like the [[ShecameforCWC.jpg]] ad parody.

[[Jackie e-mails|Jackie]] came across this ad and, thinking it was one of the ''Sonichu'' comics, thought it was, as advertised, fucking awesome. Chris explained to her it was really a troll advertisement, which eventually lead to him showing her [[CWCki]] and her finding out what a lazy monster he is, ending the online correspondence. So even if it failed to provoke a response from Chris, it managed to perform some small service in [[The Miscreants|the larger scheme of things]].

[[File:AsperchuMarkDeux.jpg|thumb|left|200px|The (other) ad in question.]]

Eventually, the ad was taken down, although it was quickly replaced with another, smaller one featuring a callback to the scene of [[Evan]]'s cold-blooded torture from [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. Chris has yet to respond to this, most likely because he's too busy [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|bitching about not being unbanned from The GAMe PLACe]].

[[File:Sonichu0.jpg|thumb|200px|The (final) ad in question.]]

Yet another ad was put up a few days later, depicting Chris' final death. It was taken down relatively quickly and replaced with an Autism Awareness Month ad (featuring a mention of the hated [[Asperger's syndrome]], no less), so it isn't unreasonable to believe Chris may have missed this one entirely.

== [[Calling Out]] ==
After attempting to ignore Alec for well over a year and a half, Chris suddenly turned around and revealed a possible dox on Alec. He proclaimed that he's a [[South Park|"fatty-fat-fat"]] named Christopher who makes donations to [[The GAMe PLACe]] and doesn't have Aspergers. Like [[Surfshack Tito]] and [[Thorg]], he demanded reparations - namely that he make a video apologizing for [[Chris and copyright|infringing on his Sonichu "copyright"]] and then [[Chris and hypocrisy|leave the Internet]].

On 30 August 2011, the day before Alec's deadline, [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|Chris revealed]] the true identity of Alec as 36-year old "Christopher Paul Whitney", of San Antonio, Texas, better known as [[YouTube]] sensation "Fatman."

Unbeknownst to Chris, the dox wasn't true. Not only does Fatman have a completely different voice than Alec, he would have no motivation to troll Chris, let alone create a comic about him. The information on Fatman wasn't even accurate - Fatman is from Rutland, Vermont (which he later pointed out) and since he was born in 1980, he would have been 30 or 31 when Chris made his video. But Chris being Chris, was [[naïve]] enough to believe they were the same person, especially since Fatman represented what Chris thought his tormentors were really like.

Fatman later made a video response, where he called Chris a [[Slow-in-the-minds|"dumb ass"]] for thinking he was Alec. Chris never replied to the video and presumably never saw it due to the death of [[Bob Chandler|his father]] a week after he "revealed" Fatman.

== Legacy ==
One of the last surviving relics of the ''Asperchu'' saga met its demise during the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fire]] which ravaged [[14 Branchland Court]] on 10 [[January 2014]]. The Asperchu [[medallion]], gifted to Chris by Alec, was destroyed in the fire, as Chris revealed in a [[Facebook]] post on [[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Fan items lost in the fire|2 August 2014]].<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Fan items lost in the fire|August 2014 Facebook Posts]]</ref> Notably, the somber tone Chris takes on in this post when recalling the destruction of this and other fan items seems to suggest that his feelings toward Alec and ''Asperchu'' as a whole may have softened over the years, though he could have just been feigning this for sympathy to [[Chris and money|e-beg]].

Notably, Chris states that he does not know who made the medallion (or any of the other lost fan creations), suggesting that he [[Slow-in-the-mind|might not remember Alec at all]].

''Asperchu'' was mentioned in the [[CatKnight Interview]], in which Arthur Spatchcock brought up the series as a potential threat to ''Sonichu''<nowiki>'s</nowiki> distribution in Europe, likely due to Alec's claim on the copyright of the character Mitch Sonichu. Chris reasoned that Asperchu " is definitely not a canon character" in his comics, [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|except for when he is]], rendering the issue moot [[Chris and copyright|as far as Chris is concerned]].<ref>[[CatKnight Interview]], [https://soundcloud.com/cat-knight-430471584/part-1-christine/s-iCiQa part 1], 8:40.</ref> Once again, Alec is not mentioned directly.

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Asperchu/Background]]: More about the comic itself.

==External links==
* [http://www.youtube.com/user/Asperchu Asperpedia's YouTube channel]
* [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/archive/ Asperchu on ComicFury]
* [https://mega.co.nz/#!IdRQlQyK!Jsk9WqinpSXP0tBnQjsUWxtKbmnrL5Tt4BoOLg6G3sk Asperpedia Comic Archive]

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category:Not TRUE and ORIGINAL]]
[[Category:Asperchu Saga]]

William Elliott Waterman

2016-03-16T19:08:35Z

Gsbr: Breaking this into sections.

[[File:William_Elliott_Waterman.jpg|thumb|William Elliott Waterman]]
: ''"William" redirects here. For William Spicer, husband of [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]] and character in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', see [[List of Sonichu characters#William Spicer]].''
'''William Elliott Waterman''' (born March 1, 1986) is a former [[Facebook]] friend of [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] who lives in [[Wikipedia:Woolwich, Maine|Woolwich, Maine]]. He is sometimes called '''Billy''' by family and friends, and affectionately nicknamed '''Watermelon''' or '''Waterhead''' by [[trolls]].<ref>http://i44.tinypic.com/2z4a7iw.jpg</ref> William frequently commented on Chris's Facebook posts with support, and can be considered a [[white knight]]. Many see him as an enabler of Chris's actions. His posts often consisted of a smiley or a simple message.

William came to prominence after his 7 August [[2013]] Facebook post, where he called out [[trolls]] over their treatment of Chris. The post was prompted by his name appearing on the CWCki.

Chris and William apparently met online, through William's cousin and one of Chris's most well-known enablers, [[Anna McLerran]]. William's aforementioned August 7th post indicates that they never met in person, and Chris initiated the friend request after correspondence with William. It is unknown when William and Chris first met, but William's first activity on Chris's Facebook timeline is from May [[2013]].<ref>[[2013_Facebook_Posts#This_cold_is_really_weighing_me_down]]</ref> A post from 3 August indicates that William discussed Chris with Anna, who told William about how far back she and Christian go.<ref>http://i.imgur.com/Vzyfg48.png</ref>

In late 2015, Chris removed William from his friends list. The reason for the unfriending is unknown, but it was presumably related to William's activity on Kiwi Farms, where he claimed to be a troll and attempted to enter a troll partnership with [[Alec Benson Leary]].

==Facebook==
William's Facebook comments to Chris were often short and [[Random-access humor|off topic]]. For example, after Chris found out his [[Manchester High School|high school]] [[gal pal]]s weren't TRUE and HONEST, he posted cards of [[Pokémon]] Cubone and Yamask, along with a rant about having no local friends. William's reply was a simple comment of, "I love cubone [''sic''] and yamask [''sic'']".<ref>[[December 2013 Facebook posts#Friends]]</ref>

On occasion, however, William attempted to give advice to Chris, which was promptly ignored. For example, on 9 June 2013, Chris posted a rant about [[Megan Schroeder]], to which William replied, "Chris, why are you demonizing Megan? I don't think she actively did anything with the intent to make others see you the way they do. Why are you harping on something from 2007?" He followed this up by telling Chris, "I think if you were just grateful you have a friend who loves you, and didn't waste time thinking about the bad, you would be feeling a lot better."<ref>[[June_2013_Facebook_Posts#Just_re-watched_your_DVD_with_a_friend.]]</ref> On 29 May 2014, William told Chris he was being greedy for asking people to give him more Lego sets.<ref>[[May_2014_Facebook_Posts#Chris_NEEDS_MOAR_FUCKING_LEGOS]].</ref>

At times, it appeared Chris was alienating William with some of his Facebook posts. On 7 October [[2013]], Chris commented on William's profile picture suggesting that William is [[Chris and his Ego|attempting to look like Chris]] with his long [[hair]]. This prompted one of William's friends to accuse Chris of trolling and stated that William looked like that since high school.<ref>http://i44.tinypic.com/2z4a7iw.jpg</ref> Nearly two years later, Chris retracted his statement on another profile picture. William also seemed to be alienated by Chris's intense hatred for the franchise ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic Boom]]'', all just because of an arm color change. Throughout [[2015]], William continued to comment on Chris's Facebook, but was noticeably unwilling to defend Chris for his actions, and even jokingly compared him to Christian Gray from ''Fifty Shades of Grey''.

==Calling out trolls==
On 7 August [[2013]], in response to his Facebook activity being posted to the [[CWCki]], William posted a long rant on Facebook about him and Chris:

{{quotebox|7 August 2013Hello, trolls. I've seen that I'm not exempt from you plastering what I say to Chris onto your archives and announcing it on your news feed, so I'll address you all directly in an open statement. You trolls get a lot of laughs out of the things Chris has done, but what you all do isn't even funny. It's just sad. You're actually dedicating huge chunks of your daily lives stalking one lonely man on the internet. Seriously? This 'lolcow' was dried up years ago. You're not going to get anything entertaining out of him any more, and you're still trying to milk him. It's sick. NONE OF YOU are ANY BETTER THAN HIM. It doesn't matter if you're a hypocritical basement-dwelling virgin that hates him just because he exists, or you're just doing it for the 'lulls'. If somehow you're married, have a job, and have everything Chris wants, you should feel even more disgusted in yourself for doing it because you have some perversion for taking advantage of someone less fortunate instead of having empathy and compassion for them. I used to be like you morons, wasting my days sitting on my butt listening to everything you say about him. But I grew up. I have a job and a life now, but that still doesn't make me any better than him. I'm not even better than any of you. I pity all of you, but there's a chance you could be better people if you all made an effort to grow up and stop stalking and cyber-bullying with no honor. He's not shallow and picky like you think. You think you all need to go on covert field missions and disguise yourselves as girlfriends to even talk to him. I never met him in person - I'm not even a female - and he friend requested me. All I did was respect him and treat him like a HUMAN BEING. Having a heart and humbly admitting that you're at the same level as him is all it takes, but you're all too little to do that. I'm not an attention whore, but feel free to troll me if you care enough. I know you won't. You all got so lazy that you just copy and paste his activity without even writing your own commentary anymore. [[Wikipedia:EarthBound | Come and get me, losers. Spankety, spankety, spankety.]]}}<ref>http://i.imgur.com/qSCNJkR.png</ref>

Chris liked the post.

==Kiwi Farms==
As William began to squeal louder and louder for attention, his various apparent issues also came to the fore. In [[November 2015]], he joined Kiwi Farms under the name "VikingBoyBilly" (which recalls to mind Chris's similar habit of bragging about his [[Cherokee|supposed]] [[Anne Boleyn|ancestry]]) and unexpectedly contacted [[Alec Benson Leary]], who entertained his bullshit for perhaps longer than he should have.

During the course of his inane prattling, Waterman made several false assumptions. He tried at first to goad Alec by proving himself to be the better man. Waterman, of course, was completely blindsided by two factors: first, he was seemingly baffled by Alec's disinterest in proving his worth to a stranger on the internet, second, as he failed to prove himself to be better than Alec in any case, instead providing incredibly damning information about himself. Waterman also tried to bargain with Alec, offering him a favourable review of [[Asperchu]], again, under the false assumption that Alec gave a shit, as he had not added to the comic in years. He also tried to turn Alec against the administration of Kiwi Farms, apparently in an attempt to take advantage of a culture of byzantine cut-throat politics that only exists in his imagination.

As aforementioned, Waterman also revealed quite a bit about himself in the exchange - namely that he's an idiotic, [[Random-access humor|annoying]], [[Anna McLerran|attention-whoring]] [[Clyde Cash]] [[Weens|wannabe with some sort of "epic trolling plan"]], and also that he's far more [[autistic]] than most had initially assumed. Much like his cousin, Anna, he also revealed he has done very little with his life, bragging about having a transcript, which is essentially nothing more than proof that he hasn't finished education. Also much like Anna, he was unable to make anyone give a shit who he was or what he had to say, for all his efforts.

A few days after this, Waterman was unfriended by Chris on Facebook, and promptly returned to obscurity.

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Not_Jerks}}

{{DEFAULTSORT: Waterman, William Elliott}}
[[Category:People]]

Sweetheart

2015-08-20T21:22:02Z

Gsbr:

[[Image:Boyfriend-free girls.jpg|thumb|A flock of potential sweethearts.]]
{{quote|'''[[Kacey]]:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? '''Chris:''' I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.|from [[Kacey Call 9]]}}

A '''Sweetheart''' (sometimes '''heartsweet''') is [[Christian]]'s flavor-of-the-month.

==Definition==
Chris's goal is to build a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]], lose his dreaded [[Virgin with Rage|virginity]] (which he ultimately accomplished without a sweetheart), and spawn his God-chosen daughter, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (named after "[[Honor roll|the illustrious metal]]" and [[Chris and his Ego|a name similar to his own]]). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, and a trip to a [[Mia Hamm|hooker]] (two in fact). Thus the ''sweetheart'' label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Christian's [[Gal-Pals]]; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts by virtue of the fact that they are known to Christian and don't appear to hate him.

==Qualifications==
:''See Also: [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and [[Attraction Sign]]''[[Image:Chris chan is a hoers.jpg|thumb|It's the one on the left.]]

In the early years of his [[Love Quest]], Christian spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the ''[[News Dash]]'', and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be [[Hambeast|bent a little]], as expedient.

*18 - [Chris's age then] Years Old
*Boyfriend-Free
*Blonde or Brunette
*White
*Pretty
*Average or Slender Body Type
*5' or Taller
*No Smoking or Drinking
*Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area
*Has Own Car
*Average to High Income
*Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Christian established a few more rules:

*No Children from Previous Relationships<ref>[[Facebook messages]]</ref>
*No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>

==Will Chris ever have a Sweetheart?==

[[File:Chris-chan_010714.JPG|thumb|Helloooooo, ladies.]]

Despite an old Trinidadian saying that goes, "Every bread has its cheese" ''(meaning that there's a special someone waiting for everybody, no matter how badly off they are)'', [[Clyde Cash|many]] [[Matthew Devoria|who]] [[Jackie|have]] [[White Knights|dealt]] with Chris would be quick to rebut the idea.

However, in case anybody reading this article is curious as to why not, there are quite a few reasons:

'''1) Chris refuses to grow up.''' He is a man in his thirties who plays with children's toys and video games, and still lives with his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]. Adult responsibilities such as gainful employment are almost completely alien concepts to Chris, and any [[Monthly tugboat|money he does receive]] is promptly [[Chris and money|wasted on stupid crap he doesn't need.]] On top of that, he has implied that if he does get married, [[PlayingHouse|all he'll do is stay home while his wife goes to work]]. He doesn't even plan on looking after the kids for her; he'd dump this responsibility on his old, ailing mother. This lack of maturity and inability to stand on his own two feet would be an instant turn-off to any woman.

'''2) Chris has issues that would damage a relationship.''' Autistic antics aside, Chris does a lot of things that upset women. For starters, he seems to have no sense of personal space, and [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Emily|women]] [[Kacey|have]] [[Catherine|found]] themselves creeped out by his habit of inappropriately touching them. On his date with Catherine, he made a point of bragging about learning from his mistakes with Megan shortly before he ''molested'' Catherine by hugging her and burying his face in her breasts, after specifically being told not to. Needless to say, had this been a real date, Catherine and "cousin Al" would've [[Kick the Autistic|beaten him up]] or [[Michael Snyder|called the]] [[Jerkops|cops]] at this point. He also [[List of Chris's lies|lies a lot]], and when he doesn't lie, he makes poor excuses for his shortcomings, both of which can damage a girl's trust in him. [[Chris and remorse|His lack of genuine sympathy towards people]] has led to a lot of complaints about him apologizing without meaning it. On top of that, he seems to be of the idea that women in a relationship with him [[Women's_rights#In_real_life|will tolerate waiting on him hand and foot while he plays video games all day, and bear his children,]] and enable his [[Megan Schroeder|deranged]] [[Michael Snyder|theories]] about conspiracies and trolls.

'''3) Chris is not self-sufficient.''' As mentioned before, Chris doesn't have a job and has no plans to get one, opting instead to live with his mother. His welfare after room and board deductions is barely over the $200 mark, which he wastes on toys and video games instead of saving for something really important. He also has a habit of landing himself into [[Chris_and_money#Credit_cards|debt]] with his purchases, and isn't even aware of [[Mumble 4|all of the necessary bills one needs to pay to keep a house running.]] He has also [[PlayingHouse|indicated]] that if he becomes a family man, he will be leeching off his wife instead of looking for work on his own (of course, there would be no problem with him being a "house husband" if he actually knew how to maintain a household - [[Tour of Chris's House|which he doesn't]]). It'll become crystal clear to any woman who learns this about Chris that he is definitely not marriage material, as he has at no point in his life been able to support himself, much less a family.

'''4) Chris has issues with [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]].''' Above and beyond Chris's problems with self-sufficiency is the person he is dependent on. Not to put too fine of a point on it, but Barb isn't the easiest of people to live with. Aside from her own [[Barb#Mental|personality problems]], she has issues with hoarding, she has many of the same issues with authority figures that Chris does, and shows only slightly more of an ability to manage her money. Many people around Chris's age have difficulty dealing with their parents, but Chris has (aside from his devotion to being a [[Tomgirl]]) been shown to be neither willing nor able to stand up to her. As it stands, Barb is another obstacle on his [[Love Quest]] and if Chris was willing to move out from under her shadow his chances of landing a sweetheart would substantially improve.

'''5) [[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|Chris's Hygiene]].''' Chris does not shower regularly, believing that all you need to be hygienic are a few sprays of [[Axe]]. He also lives in a [[14 Branchland Court|filthy house with garbage everywhere]], and routinely [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|shits himself]]. [[Emily|One woman]] has described him as smelling like 'rotten watermelons'.

'''6) Chris is physically unattractive.''' Chris is not inherently ugly, but his lifestyle and fashion choices have rendered his appearance deeply repulsive. Even before he started dressing like a [[Tomgirl]] (already a deterrent in itself for a [[Homos|certain reason]]), Chris always [[Chris and fashion|had very questionable tastes in fashion]], and would often have an unkempt appearance, as shown in the picture above. In fact, when first spotted from a distance by Catherine, she believed she was looking at an ugly old woman. The fact that he [[Chris and health|doesn't take good care of himself]] also hurts his chances of attracting the opposite sex, and has resulted in him becoming [[Obesity|clinically obese]] and [[Hair|nearly bald]]. If Chris dressed somewhat fashionably, bothered grooming himself properly and worked out, his chances with the ladies would improve a bit. In fact, during Chris's stint as a [[Carlos Chantor|male escort]], his appearance was comparatively rather presentable and he appeared well-groomed.

'''7) Chris has no idea how to behave around women.''' Chris has many childish mannerisms and social hindrances that are repellent to women (and men alike). In the infamous [[For My Sweetest_Ivy|video for Ivy]], these things are in abundance. Chris thinks that when you talk to a woman you like, you babble and coo like you're addressing a toddler. Also, he thinks that women in this day and age would like watching ''[[Gilligan's Island]]'', an ancient show from his elderly parents' days. One of the first things new people also notice about Chris' room is that he's surrounded by toys and video games, which pretty much scream 'manchild', and Chris has been known to post pictures and videos addressed to potential dates in this room.<ref>[[:File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG]]</ref> His recent [[Tomgirl]] antics haven't helped either - he's now a manchild that dresses like a woman, which doesn't even make him seem heterosexual anymore (sure enough, this happened when one of his Tomgirl pictures was [[Chris in the media#Failosophy|featured on MTV's Failosophy]], where the ''only'' person who would date him was the [[Homos|gay guy.]])

'''8) Chris is ignorant and averse to change.''' A feature of autism is hostility to and even fear of change, and Chris is no exception. Chris often believes that, above all else, his way is right, and [[Clyde Cash|anybody who tries to tell him otherwise is a dirty troll]], especially if it interferes with his immediate [[China|interests]]. This kind of thinking can severely damage a relationship where a well-meaning girl is trying to steer him in the right direction, as many trolls posing as women have tried to do.

'''9) Chris is an intolerant bigot.''' [[Homos|He still hates gay men.]] He has shown insensitivity (if not outright [[Niggos|enmity]]) towards people of different races. Woe be onto you if [[Noviophobia|you're ''male'']], too. Needless to say, the only women who'd approve of this stance would have to be outright racists who don't have any male friends themselves, and then you'd have to consider the fact that they must also put up with financially supporting a couch potato who plans to let her do everything for him and shits himself, which would put the grand total of women who'd be interested in Chris to a big, fat '''ZERO.''' For an example of this and how women would not tolerate such an attitude, consider [[March_2013_Facebook_posts#Gay_Marriage|this homophobic post he made]] (and the replies he got as a result) on Facebook (to truly hammer the point home, Kim, a long-time ''friend'' of Chris's, chastised him for his bigotry.)

'''10) Chris has problems with authority.''' Despite the cliché that 'all girls love [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|bad boys]]', a sensible woman is going to be put off by someone who is in constant trouble with [[Chris and the law|the law]]. Consider that Chris has on [[26 December 2014|two]] separate [[28 October 2011|occasions]] come very close to being sent to jail for several months; this is on top of his other lesser [[List of places that have banned Chris|brushes with authority figures]]. And it's not even as though Chris's attitude stems from him [[Episode 17#Epilogue|fighting for an important cause]] - Chris is willing to risk imprisonment for something as petty as [[Sonic Boom Protests|the color of a character's arms]]. Even if Chris does find his elusive sweetheart, few will be able to put up with the constant stream of bans, fines, and jailtime brought about by Chris's [[Chris and anger|poor self-control]].

'''11) Chris is incompetent.''' Chris has claimed, numerous times, to be [[Chris and writing|proficient]] [[CADD|in]] [[Chris and Art|several]] [[Chris and Music|of the arts]], but in reality is incompetent in pretty much every sphere imaginable. He compares [[Father Call|cleaning his house to fighting in a war]], and even then, [[Tour_of_Chris%27s_House|his idea of "cleaning the house" leaves a lot to be desired]]. One could even argue that it's because of this and his lack of common sense that the afforementioned [[14 Branchland Court|house]] eventually [[Destruction Of Chris's House|burned to the ground]] when he thought it would be a good idea to brew coffee with an extension lead in his bathroom. He has been employed for maybe a few months in his whole life, then was fired, as he proved too egotistical and stubborn [[Wendy's|to keep even a minimum wage job at a fast food place]], and he simply hasn't bothered since. He is completely inept when it comes to [[Chris and money| managing money]], meaning any relationship with him will be a financial nightmare. He gets himself [[Banned|into]] [[28_October_2011|trouble]] way more times than he should, such as his attempts to return to [[The GAMe PLACe]], where basic common sense should have told him to stay away like he'd been told. So, long story short, ladies, If you were looking for somebody to be the "man of the house", would Chris even remotely fit the bill?

'''12) Chris's past will always return to haunt him.''' Thanks to the combined forces of the Internet, [[weens]], and even Chris ''himself'', there are literally volumes [[Death Threats|of]] [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|unsavory]] [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|information]] about Chris out in the open for all to see, almost all of which is documented right here. Chris knows this all too well, which is why he strongly discourages anybody from doing even a simple Google Search about him. This was, in fact, one of the key reasons why he didn't even make it to first base with [[The Wallflower]] - a ween mailed her a link to the [[CWCki]]. But even if we were to put aside anything to do with the internet, there are still many, ''many'' embarassing and undesirable things about Chris that will, in one way or the other, surface that would damage, if not outright destroy a budding relationship - to which this very list can attest.

'''13) Chris doesn't try.''' Throughout his whole life, Chris has not had even one [[TRUE and HONEST|real]] girlfriend. The reason for this is simple: he won't initiate. Chris is well known to have a fear of talking to women, even [[How to Talk to Girls|resorting to a book to try and get over his anxiety]]. While not as true today, men are supposed to play the role as the "go-getter", and try to woo over "the fair lady". How does the scenario play out in this autistic's mind? Stand around with an [[attraction sign]] with [[Chris and his Ego|ridiculous requirements]]. Back in the day, even if a girl did express interest, Chris would've been too shy to even talk back to her. He's a little more confident today, but it's hardly done wonders for his chances of scoring - instead he'll turn her off with a cheesy, ham-fisted attempt at a pickup line that just makes him look incredibly creepy and out-of-touch. If there was such a girl who could and would overcome these barriers, the odds that she would meet his standards (just in appearance) are about 1 in 100. And if that ''still'' isn't enough, Chris would never stick to his sweetheart. In his entire life, he has barely had any friends, so what makes anyone in the whole world think he is capable of having a girlfriend? If he is, then his habit of holding back on anything that requires effort and no immediate reward (like moving out, getting a job, maintaining a social life, etc.) will inevitably keep Chris from ever catching that one [[I Got A Fish|fish]] out there.

[[File:NaiveChrisHedgehog.gif|thumb|right|300px|This is what Chris's break-ups are like.]]

==Conclusion==
Chris has myriad problems, and no person - male, female or [[Tomgirl Saga|other]] - is likely to find him attractive. Chris isn't a lost cause though - a major lifestyle overhaul and some serious self-betterment could hypothetically entice a sweetheart, but these things have a mouse's chance in a tampon factory of happening. As it stands, Chris simply will not attract a sweetheart.
==References==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Boyfriend-free girl]]
*[[Gal pal]]
*[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor]]
*[[Love Quest]]
*[[Noviophobia]]
*[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]

{{Sweethearts}}

Duck

2015-08-14T02:02:55Z

Gsbr:

{{Honest}}
[[Image:SchuComicSP3P5.jpg|thumb|right|Chris and his duck in the comics. Traced for authenticity<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#Comics]]</ref>]]
<div style="position:fixed; bottom:0; right:0">[[Image:Duck_edited.jpg|right|200px]]</div>
{{quote|ChrisChanSonichu (12:20:19 AM): sorry, it is limp.|Chris, on his duck.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 3]]</ref>}}
{{quote|MY DUCK HUNGERS FOR [[china|TOM-TOM]] TO POUND!!!!!|Chris, [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]}}
'''Duck''' is a [[CWC-ism]] for penis, usually in the context of [[Chris]]'s own penis. (The genitalia of other [[JERKS|males]], and [[Silvana|those of Rosechus]], are [[pickles]].) This neologism was originally thought to be a misspelling of "dick", but Chris confirmed in a 17 [[February 2009]] [[Mumble]] chat that it is an intentional euphemism.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref>

==Chris and his duck==
[[Image:Loch Ness.jpg|thumb|right|180px|Indeed a monster.]]
[[Image:BentDuck.jpg|thumb|right|Another example of a bent duck]]
Chris's circumcised penis is bent at a [[Nudes|horrifying 45° angle]], though he has never clearly explained why. Some speculate that Chris has [[Wikipedia:Peyronie's disease|Peyronie's disease]], or that he did it to himself by [[mass debating]] improperly, resulting in what's known medically as a [[Wikipedia:Fractured penis|fractured penis]]. It may also have been a botched circumcision, although this is unlikely. Further damage could have resulted from when Chris [[Cwcsicle|stuck his duck in the ice]] for 15 minutes trying to imitate Jackass.

Chris proudly claims his penis is six inches (15 cm) long.<ref>[[Chris humps his PS3]]</ref> He even [[List_of_Christian's_edits_to_the_CWCki#8_May.2C_03:09_-_03:16|edited]] the CWCki at one point to remove a bit of piping that suggested otherwise. In spite of this, [[Nudes|visual evidence]] suggests it is at least an inch shorter (five inches being closer to the average size), and Chris [[Obesity|readily lies]] about the dimensions of his body.

Chris at least concedes that his penis is of no more than average size, which is a source of some insecurity for him. In [[:File:Evan_responds_to_his_death.png|an e-mail]] to [[Evan]] during their feud over [[Simonla Rosechu]], he took off on a peculiar tangent about penis length: "There ARE those with dicks longer than 7 inches; yes I am jealous of those individuals, not just you." In [[Kacey Call 11]], Chris asked Kacey for details as to the size of Liquid Chris's penis and expressed regret that his own was not as large. He once attempted to enlarge it with [[Wikipedia:ExtenZe|ExtenZe]], a supplement advertised to enlarge penises, but he said it didn't work.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref><ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref>

Toward the very end of his [[Jackie E-mails 23|communications with Jackie]], Chris claimed that his penis has grown larger and straightened itself out since it was last photographed for public consumption. Determining the likelihood of this occurrence will be left as an exercise for the reader. At any rate, this claim was disproven in the [[Tomgirl Pictures|Tomgirl]] [[:File:TG20.jpg|images]], leaked in [[April 2011]], wherein his penis is still visibly bent and the same size it always was.

Many of his nude photos show that Chris shaves most of his [[Wikipedia:pubic hair|pubic hair]]. While this sometimes has the effect of making the penis seem more prominent, in Chris's case, it just draws attention to the abundant pubic fat surrounding his genitalia. This can not be described as an attractive effect.

When he announced the alleged loss of his [[virgin with rage|virginity]] on [[Facebook]], Chris claimed his sex partner praised his duck for its size. This sex partner was later confirmed to be a [[Mia Hamm|prostitute]],<ref>[[http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/Other_documents#Chris.27s_wingman]]</ref> so while it is likely that she said it, its sincerity was dubious to say the least.

It seems that, as of 2014, Chris [[Un-clit|now actively ''despises'' his own duck]] in the wake of his coming out as "Tomgirl, Intersex of Female Soul with Male Body, and a Tranny Cross-Dresser". It is common for (legitimate) transsexuals to detest their own genitalia, which they perceive as incorrect, and in fact, he even uses a homemade device to hold it in. However, the fact that Chris loathes ALL penises is more indicative of issues with his sexuality than with his gender.

Coincidentally, real-life ducks are known for their massive, twisted penises.

==References by Chris==
[[Image:1256079873949.jpg|thumb|Anatomical analysis of the duck.]]
*One of the annotations from [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]] is "MY DUCK HUNGERS FOR TOM-TOM TO POUND!!!!!"
*In his final [[SingStar_Challenge#Video_11|SingStar Challenge]] song, "[[SingStar Challenge Round 5|Smell Yo Dick]]" (as chosen by [[CChanSonichuCWC]]), he attempts to [[Chris and hypocrisy|circumvent his own rules]] about not changing lyrics by saying ''duck'' instead of ''dick.''
*Chris occasionally forgoes substituting the word "duck" for "dick" when he is talking dirty with a gal-pal (such as in one of the [[Kacey]] chats) or angry (in one of the [[White Knight emails]], he referred to how trolls made fanart featuring [[Rosechu]] with "an UNNATURAL, UNREQUIRED, DISGUSTING, DICK!!!!!!!")
*In an [[IRC (24 October 2008)|IRC chat]] from October 2008, Chris said, concerning [[Jimmy Hill]], "I hope he loses his duck." This is an unusual example of Chris using "duck" to refer to a penis not his own.

== Sources ==
<references />
==See also==
* [[Nudes]]
* [[Pickle]]
* [[Comeuppance]]
{{CWC-isms}}
[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

December 2014

2015-04-25T21:15:52Z

Gsbr:

[[File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's mugshot from December 2014, following [[26 December 2014|his assault on GameStop]].]]
[[File:Set2Pic4.jpg|thumb|right|Chris draws his scissoring fantasy.]]
[[File:ChrisContraption 02.JPG|thumb|Chris uses this contraption for a certain purpose.]]
[[File:Chris's strut.png|thumb|Chris ends the year in style.]]
'''December''' was the twelfth and final month of '''[[2014]]'''. At first it seemed like nothing big was going to happen beyond Chris repiercing and later removing the [[un-clit]], moving back into [[14 Branchland Court]], and, of course, continuing to hate [[Sonic Boom Protests|blue-colored arms]]. But on the day after Christmas, Chris decided to completely ignore common sense and [[28 October 2011|past experience]] by visiting a [[GameStop]] that he was banned from and ''macing'' an employee on his way out. He was arrested and spent a weekend in jail.

==Events==
* 1 December - Flufflehugs receives her first three [[commissions|commissioned drawings]]. He explains to her the impact of his new gender identity on his imaginary sister [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] and [[Reldnahc]].
* 2 December - Chris uploads [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nObkrWFwQBk another video] of himself playing ''Mario Kart 8''.
* 3 December - Chris posts a [[medallion]] update and states that he and his [[mother]] will soon be moving back into their restored [[14 Branchland Court|home]].
* 3 December - On [[Facebook]], Chris explains how and why he came to learn about the [[Sonic Boom Protests|blue arms issue]].
* 4 December - Chris [[Un-clit#Repiercing_the_Taint|repierces his taint]] with [[Chris and money|gold piercing jewelry]]. He texts [[Open Relationship E-mails|Renee]] about it.
* 4 December - On his [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!|public group]], Chris demands that people contact every newspaper in the world about Sonic Boom.
* 5 December - Chris discovers [[December_2014_Facebook_Posts#The_Second_Season|''Sonic Boom'' is getting a second season]], and...well, [[12 October 2009|just guess what happens]]. He urges people to join his [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!|protest public group]], where he makes a series of angry posts.
* 6 December - Chris posts more idiotic hatred at ''Sonic Boom'', including suggestions for how to protest.
* 6 December - Chris announces on [[Facebook]] and [[eBay]] that he is [[December_2014_Facebook_Posts#Move_Back_to_14BLC_has_officially_begun|moving back]] to a renovated [[14 Branchland Court]], and notes that he will not be able to fill orders until the new year.
* 7 December - Chris invites [[Open Relationship E-mails|Renee]] to his house for Christmas and says that [[Barb]] is flirting with the movers.
* 9 December - The series of commissions drawn by Chris for [[commissions#The Flufflehugs Commissions|Flufflehugs]] is uploaded to the forums. One of them is the receiver's OC scissoring [[Robbie]]. The thread later reveals that Chris IRL uses a homemade device to hold his [[duck]] in, which consists of a strap-on with the [[sex toys|dildo]] removed.
* 9 December - [[Catherine]] tells Chris they are not in a relationship. He sends her an [[Catherine E-mails|email]] saying he is depressed and angry.
* 9 December - Chris discovers a possible jab made to him in episode 7 of ''Sonic Boom''...and is actually [[December_2014_Facebook_Posts#Pickle_Joke|''neutral'' towards it]].
* 10 December - Chris sends a raging, mostly [[BILLY MAYS|ALL-CAPS]] letter to [[SEGA|Sega]], [[Sonic_Boom_Protests|begging them to revert Sonic's arms]]. He couples this with a Facebook post addressed to Sega.
* 10 December - Chris [[Open Relationship E-mails#No_Longer_Together_With_Catherine|e-mails Renee]] that he and [[Catherine]] are no longer together.
* 11 December - On his public group, Chris posts that he is distressed at the lack of positive news.
* 12 December - Chris tells [[Catherine]] he is still very depressed and that she should watch the Care Bears to learn how to be more empathetic.
* 12 December - Chris finally realizes piercing part of his taint isn't such a great idea after all, and as a result [[Un-clit#The_End_of_the_Un-clit|removes it completely]].
* 13 December - Chris tells [[Catherine]] she should try to see things from his perspective.
* 13 December - Chris reminds people that [[December_2014_Facebook_Posts#BMW_is_still_for_sale|his mom's BMW on sale]].
* 13 December - On his public group, Chris notes that he received an "immature" postcard from a [[troll]].
* 14 December - Chris lashes out at [[Catherine]] and says he's entitled to a relationship because he's descended from royalty.
* 14 December - Chris thinks that [[trolls]] are [[Open Relationship E-mails#Trolls_are_hacking_his_text_messages|hacking his text messages]]. Meanwhile, he asks Renee to [[Open Relationship E-mails#Modelling_Career|help him in his modelling career]].
* 15 December - [[Catherine E-mails|E-mails]] from Chris to [[Catherine]] are leaked on the [[CWCki Forums]].
* 15 December - Chris [[December_2014_Facebook_Posts#Don.27t_Ask.2C_Don.27t_Tell|posts on Facebook]] that he's "feeling crappy".
* 16 December - Pics of the [[Catherine#Leaked_Information|"Relationship Vow" card]] are leaked on the [[CWCki Forums]], showing Chris's vow to [[Catherine]] for their ''Relationship as Sweethearts, Soul-Mates and Partners''.
* 16 December - Chris extends his protest of Sonic Boom to the Miiverse.
* 17 December - Chris explains to Flufflehugs the mechanics of male lesbian sex.
* 17 December - [[Apology Letters‎|Three apology letters]] that Chris wrote to [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and [[Wal-Mart]] in August are leaked. Also leaked is a never-before-seen [[ChrisAfterChristmas2004|Christmas video]] filmed in [[2004]].
* 18 December - Chris posts a long [[December_2014_Facebook_Posts#Meme_Run|opinion piece]] on why he hates trolls and the infamous Nintendo eShop game ''Meme Run''.
* 18 December - It is leaked on the [[CWCki Forums]] that [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] had [[Catherine_E-mails#The_Gal_Pals_Weren.27t_the_First_Time_Bob_Hired_Friends_for_Chris|hired gal-pals for Chris]], and that [[Anna McLerran]] [[Anna_McLerran#Anti-troll_plea_to_Catie|was trying]] to dislodge Catherine, appealing to Catherine's humanity.
* 19 December - Chris uploads to his Facebook public group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]], dozens of photos of Sonic with his blue arms painted tan by Chris himself.
* 20 December - Chris tells [[Open Relationship E-mails|Renee]] that he'll be having a neutral [[Christmas]].
* 21 December - Chris announces 14 Branchland Court will not be ready to move back into by [[C-Mas]]. He posts links to give him presents, gift cards, or PayPal money--and '''even gives suggestions for joke presents.'''
* 21 December - Chris again begs his Facebook friends to buy his mom's car from [[Craigslist]]. He admits that the price is unreasonable, but that it was Barb's idea.
* 21 December - Chris and [[Catherine]] exchange text messages; he can't explain what she said that hurt him.
* 21 December - Chris makes a Facebook comment that he needs friends to be happy.
* 21 December - Chris learns some news that makes him cautiously optimistic about his [[Sonic Boom Protests]], and asserts that [[SEGA|Sega]] employees are a bunch of cowards.
* 22 December - Chris awards his Facebook friends for helping him get through the year (supposedly) by giving them a picture of [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|CRAYOLA FUCKIN' MODEL MAGIC]]ified [[Lego]] [[Wild Sonichu]] and [[Sonichu]] himself.
* 23 December - Chris sends a text message to [[Catherine]] saying that he still wants to be her friend.
* 24 December - [[Christmas|Christmas Eve]]. Chris tells [[Open Relationship E-mails|Renee]] he's feeling extremely depressed.
* 25 December - [[Christmas]]. Chris texts [[Open Relationship E-mails|Renee]] that he's depressed and that he wanted either a [[sweetheart]] or a "Magical Transformation" of himself into a woman.
* 26 December - Possibly the busiest day in Chris's life since [[graduation]]. He goes to [[Fashion Square Shopping Mall]] and visits [[GameStop]] where he [[26 December 2014|vandalizes a ''Sonic Boom'' display and pepper-sprays James Herring, an employee]]. The [[jerkops|police]] are called and he is arrested.
* 27 December - Chris's anti-Sonic Boom Facebook group gets a taste of what will occur the next few days--a bombardment of trolls, [[weens]] and jokesters mocking Chris.
* 28 December - Chris is confirmed to be held in [[Jerkops|Albemarle Regional Jail]], awaiting an initial hearing for his crimes two days earlier.
* 29 December - Chris's initial hearing takes place. The case is continued, to be heard again on 5 [[February 2015]]. Chris also posts bail and is released from jail.
* 29 December - On Facebook, Chris explains in great detail that nothing he did on the 26th was his fault, and that the [[Sonic Boom Protests]] should continue.
* 29 December - Nash from ''Radio Dead Air'' looks at the GameStop incident on a ''[[WTFIWWY Segment|What the Fuck is Wrong with You?]]'' segment.
* 31 December - New Year's Eve.

{{timeline}}

26 December 2014

2015-04-25T21:03:19Z

Gsbr: Quote is too long.

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|Ugh!!! I Fucking Hate These People for continuing to allow the damn blue arms to exist! And I fucking hate them for changing the arm colour in the first place and ultimately from that damn seed event, force me to be attacked, having to defend myself, and forcing me to spend a weekend in jail!|Chris' justification for his actions.}}
{{clear}}
[[File:Bluearmsis zpsac2c59f2.jpg|thumb|A [[wikipedia:Orange Is the New Black|hit new]] show [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|rocking]] the [[Netflix]] [[Ruckersville, VA|nation]]!]]

'''26 December 2014''', a date which will also live in infamy, was probably the busiest day in [[Chris]]'s life since he [[Graduation|graduated]], and is essentially [[28 October 2011]] all over again. Chris is [[Chris and the Law|in trouble with the law]] once again for [[Michael Snyder|assaulting staff]] [[The GAMe PLACe|at a video game store]], except this time he upped the ante by using pepper spray on the source of his [[rage]]<ref>[https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1424389574456&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Virginia general court records]</ref>. He is presently being charged by the Albemarle General District Court of Virginia with "illegal use of tear gas"<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+18.2-312]</ref>--a Class 6 felony for which Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/18.2-10.HTM]</ref> if convicted. The situation for Chris is worsened by the fact that, unlike his vehicular assault on Mike Snyder in 2011, this time the actual assault was caught on camera and posted to [[YouTube]], where it became viral and will surely be available to the state prosecutors.

==Synopsis==
===In GameStop===
[[File:Madman.jpg|thumb|The now infamous photo of Chris, 6 seconds before the assault.]]

Chris's trouble with the law was first brought to the attention of the internet when a Tumblr user named monozettai uploaded a video of Chris spraying a [[GameStop]] [[Manajerks|employee]] with something, later confirmed to be pepper spray, on 26 December<ref name=smokinggun>https://archive.today/ZDHkd</ref>. In the short clip (which can be viewed below) Chris, clad in full [[tomgirl]] regalia, throws away any [[Trolls#Today|pity points]] he may have earned by breaking three separate laws in one visit to his local GameStop.

Chris, who was already banned from GameStop, went to the outlet at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] with the intention of [[Sonic Boom Protests|vandalizing their ''Sonic Boom'' merchandise]] (staff claimed he'd done this before, which is probably why he was banned in the first place) wearing a pair of purple [[My Little Pony]]-[[Chris and fashion|branded sunglasses intended for little girls]] as a "[[Honor roll|disguise]]". Needless to say, he was immediately recognized by staff, who tried to get him to leave. Chris moaned to them about [[Autism|"letting bygones be bygones", so he could vandalize the store's property in peace]]. It's unclear whether Chris managed to do any damage to the ''Sonic Boom'' games before leaving, but he eventually strode out, as seen in the video, commanding the staff "[[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]" as if he deserved to be [[Barbara Chandler|shielded from the consequences of his actions]]. It was as he left that he brandished a pink can of mace, and sprayed the unfortunate employee, whose name was revealed to be James Herring and was confirmed to be unharmed. Despite the commotion, the store did not close.

The clip of Chris became a minor viral hit, earning over 195,911 views as of 5 January 2015. It is now one of the most-viewed videos in the CWChronology, next to [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|the 1993 contest video]], [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]], [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|CWC-Tok]], the [[FUTURE MESSAGE]], and [[Madman Rising]].

===monozettai's Account===
After the video was discovered by Christorians at large on 27 December<ref name=forum/>, many [[weens]] flooded monozettai's inbox with questions on his recollection of the event. This is what he had to say about the incident:

{{quotebox|I was in Gamestop looking at the 3ds rack when I heard a racket from my left. I looked up and saw Chris surrounded by 3-4 employees in a corner (I recognized Chris’ voice before their appearance). A woman was telling Chris that they had been banned from the store and needed to leave, to which Chris responded with something like “Oh come ON, can’t we let bygones be bygones?” The employees ignored him and continued to tell him to leave and threatened to call security. Eventually they dispersed to do so, which is about when I began filming (I had been wondering whether or not I should, but I’d say only about 20 or so seconds had gone by between when I noticed and when I started filming).

 After the video I heard the employees complaining about the use of pepper spray. I didn’t notice it when I initially filmed nor was I ever in the vicinity of the spray, so I can’t confirm anything, but as you can see Chris sprayed something at an employee in the video. I don’t remember seeing that employee around after that so I assume he left. Anyway, a woman buying a game at the counter asked the employee she had been interacting with what had just happened and the employee replied that Chris was “some guy that came in from time to time to mess with the Sonic Boom games because he was upset that Sonic’s arms had changed color, ” or something to that effect. Sadly I did not check to see what happened to the Sonic Boom and only stayed for another 5 minutes or so before leaving, but nothing else of interest happened other than employees running back and forth from the counter to the back room, anxiously talking about contacting security and making sure “he” was gone.<ref name=eyewitness>https://archive.today/GsnsF</ref>}}

===After GameStop===
Most of the sketchy information on what happened in the next hour or so comes exclusively from leaked, low-quality audio from a police scanner, and most details are uncertain. With his duty at GameStop done, and the police on their way, Chris returned to his car and left the mall. At some point after arriving at the mall and checking [[Kaka Makeup Basics|JCPenney]] and Sears, police determined that Chris had left the building around half an hour ago. The police also managed to contact Barbara, who had been eating at the mall with Chris, which also implies he left her behind, without a car to get home. Barb had little information to offer, except the make and color of Chris's car. Clearly, the police didn't catch Chris at the mall, so it is unknown when and where he was caught, but it was most likely the same day, and probably at [[Rental House|home]], or at least on the way home. For more details, observers were forced to await Chris's inevitable account on Facebook when he was released on bond, although little else was gleaned from his incoherent rambling (which can be read below), except him meeting the expectation that [[Sub-episodes|he'd twist the tale to make himself look like a noble activist]] so he could get sympathy out of his [[white knights]].

[[File:Dec2014cwcjailphonecall.jpg|thumb|Expert recreation of Chris's first night in the pokey.]]

On 28 December, a member of [[Kiwi Farms]] [[Jail calls|contacted Albemarle Regional Jail]] and confirmed that Chris was being held there, and was awaiting video court the next morning. Assuming Chris was caught on the day he committed his crimes, he had been in jail for two days by this point.

===Aftermath===
[[File:Cwc_arrest_record.png|thumb|left|Chris's court records]]

A followup call from a [[4chan]] troll<ref name=forum>https://archive.today/KbrlM</ref> revealed that Herring will be pressing charges, in a development remarkably similar to the events of 28 October 2011. He is presently being charged by the Albemarle General District Court of Virginia with "illegal use of tear gas", a Class 6 felony for which Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500 if convicted, along with all the other corresponding losses he'd experience as a registered felon.

Interestingly enough, Chris is being charged with the 6th Degree version under the Virginia tear gas law, which the code states is for cases in which the tear gassing was done "unlawfully, but not maliciously". This lesser charge was clearly intended for cases of neglect, negligence or stupidity which resulted in somebody innocent getting tear gassed accidentally; for the cops to book him on the lesser charge suggests that they believe at least some version of Chris's story about "spritzing a miniscule amount downward, NOT into his face" as he fearfully made his escape. Unfortunately for Chris, the video taken of the incident clearly shows him intentionally spraying Herring (who was not obstructing him or offering him resistance) in the upper chest area as he angrily exited the store. This suggests that once the prosecutor gets a look at the video, the charge might be upgraded to the Class 3 felony version of the charge, which carries a much stiffer penalty of 5-20 years and up to a $100,000 fine. A lot will depend upon whether or not it can be proved Herring was "injured" by the pepper spray, which is an element of both felony charges; if not, Chris will likely be allowed to plea down to misdemeanor-level assault and battery and be given a suspended sentence with probation, counseling, anger management and community service in lieu of jail time.

Whatever he's charged with, Chris is unlikely to receive a lenient sentence this time for a number of reasons. First, he's a repeat offender, which won't look good to the judge. Second, he and his mother are already in [[Chris and money|deep shit financially]], having squandered their inheritance from [[Bob]] on hiring [[Rob Bell]] after the incident in 2011, so Chris getting a good representative is out of the question. Chris also cannot bank on his victim asking the court to downgrade the crime from a felony to a misdemeanor, as Michael Snyder did after the 28 October 2011 incident. Given the less-than-rousing success of previous attempts by the judicial system to alter Chris' behavior, anything short of rigorously enforced probation and a monitored psychological day program is likely going to result in failure. Worrying, even short term jail stints don't appear to bother Chris all that much anymore, certainly not enough to give him perspective as to why trespassing, vandalism and macing employees in a mall are unacceptable behaviors that society will put him in jail to prevent him from doing.

[[File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|thumb|left|Chris's mugshot. Note that killer pout, and lazy eye.]]

With estimates for Chris's sentence ranging from minor community service to 5 years in prison, everything's up in the air at the moment. There have also been suggestions he may lose his [[tugboat]], perhaps [[14 Branchland Court|his home]], or maybe even become a ward of the state. Considering his very unsound mental state, it is very possible that he will be forced to receive therapy (rather than an evaluation simply to see whether he was a threat to society, like in 2011), something many are [[Chris and psychology|hoping for]].

Consensus among his observers is that the time has come to stop giving Chris leniency. So far, every time he has had to face the consequences of his own actions, he has been let off quite easily. Examples include his parents rushing to his defense (even awakening in the middle of the night to blast trolls on the phone) whenever his actions land him into trouble with anyone, Snyder magnanimously deciding to drop felony charges for Chris after 28 October 2011, and the Kiwi Farms, of all people, putting together a care package for him after [[Destruction Of Chris's House|the house fire]]. Moreover, for the duration of [[2014]], Chris's white knights have consistently coddled him, humored his foolish mercantile ventures and fed his already-gigantic ego, and not a single white knight spoke harshly to him, even while condemning his actions, when he got home ''from jail''. This would all be well and good if Chris could recognize that he should be grateful for his narrow escapes, and take measures to avoid landing in situations like this in the first place. However, since Chris is incapable of introspection, it has instead simply gotten to the point that he [[Chris and his Ego|just expects to be bailed out, or otherwise rescued from the consequences of his own actions]].

On 29 December, it was confirmed that Chris had posted the $2500 bail and left jail. Barb was probably the donor, once again abluting Chris of consequences.

On 3 [[January 2015]], an e-mail leaked onto Kiwi Farms revealed that Chris had behaved in a bellicose manner at [[Wal-Mart]] and threatened to use his mace. This was soon afterwards confirmed to be true by Chris himself, and indicated that he wielded the pepper spray because it made him feel like a "badass". This statement worried many onlookers, as it suggests Chris perceives himself as invincible as long he can threaten to mace his antagonists. Chris's notion of his own infallibility and invulnerability has previously been generally confined to the comics, but owing to the ever-growing chasm separating him from reality it may have seeped into his conscious psyche.

Chris's hatred for ''Sonic Boom'' is also escalating horribly even after this, as well. On 30 [[January 2015]], it was revealed that Chris is sending threats of glitter bombing (or, what he thinks is glitter bombing) to Sega of America headquarters.

All things considered, it's doubtful that Chris will learn anything whatsoever from his impending punishment, however harsh it may be. It will more likely simply resuscitate his old grudge against [[Jerkop|police officers]] and retail workers, which in turn will distort his perspective on the real world even further.

===Subsequent court hearings===
After his video hearing on 29 December (which only consisted of the judge setting bail/bond conditions and a date for the next hearing), Chris was released on a bond and promptly took to Facebook to decry this injustice and counter troll speculation, the result of which can be seen below. The following month he revealed in a Facebook post that, in yet another development mirroring 28 October 2011, the judge placed a restraining order on Chris as part of his bail conditions, forbidding him from setting foot in any local GameStop or contacting any of the company's employees.

His next hearing took place on 5 February. It was decidedly brief as the Chandlers appeared to have hired/been assigned an unsuitable representative, and another hearing in April was scheduled. According to two Virginian Christorians in attendance, little of note happened except Chris and Barb forgetting the date of the next hearing, then pissing off the court by coming back to ask (thus holding up their next case). Additionally, footage was taken of Chris and Barb leaving court--marking the first appearance Barb has made in Christorical media for almost two years.

The subsequent hearing took place on 2 April; Chris attended alone, and reportedly seemed more nervous than in the previous hearing. It began twenty minutes early and was over within minutes; in fact Chris left before Christorians made it through security, so no-one knows what actually happened inside. What is known is that Chris was granted another continuance and the next hearing was scheduled for 7 May. If the legal proceedings of [[28 October 2011|Chris's previous misadventure]] are any indication, the actual trial may not take place until August or September 2015. However, Christorians with legal knowledge have commented that he is unlikely to be granted any more continuances, meaning any hearings from now on are probably going to be the real thing, rather than Chris just walking in and out.

== Chris's side of the story ==
{{quote|I WAS the Victim|Chris, meeting everyone's expectations}}

As with the 28 October 2011 incident, Chris just couldn't help but give his own self-serving account of events. Not surprisingly, Chris refuses to admit any fault in the incident--aside from claiming ignorance to the effects of pepper spray, a claim he immediately disproves by admitting that he sprayed ''himself'' with the stuff several days before the incident--and tries to blame the store employees for "intimidating" him, and Sega for changing Sonic's arm color in the first place. Unlike his previous run-in with the law, where he was at least smart enough to only mention the exact details in a personal e-mail to a [[trolls|close friend]], Chris posted this to his [[Facebook]] page for all to see, meaning he's in deep shit if the prosecution sees his (publicly accessible) profile. Even his white knights, if not harsh, seem condemnatory of his actions. It seems that this time around, everyone is against him.

In this illuminating tract, Chris rambles on and on, continually shooting himself in the foot by providing extremely damning information. He proves the above point that he expects to go unpunished for everything by saying he had expected GameStop to ''ignore the fact that he had attacked one of their employees''. Apparently he thinks they should be grateful he didn't stop to mace everyone in sight. He tries to portray himself as the victim, implying that a group of professional game designers who are probably unaware of his existence were directly responsible for ''his'' actions.

Moreover, the revelation that he was aware of the effects of his weapon of choice, added to the circumstances, seem to show that him pepper-spraying Herring wasn't Chris [[Autism|misinterpreting]] the act of pepper-spraying as a sassy, feminine display of contempt. Also consider that the man he targeted was by the door, rather than further inside, and was not advancing towards or threatening Chris in any way. This indicates that this was a deliberate, cowardly act of malice on Chris's part, as he deliberately sprayed Herring on the way out, when his escape was already assured.

{{quotebox|1=Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]]

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local GameStops (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the Fashion Square GameStop, and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the GameStop, and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their Wii U Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and mentally overloaded, I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day. <ref name=Chris>https://archive.today/HQknP</ref>}}

== Chris's side of the story 2: Eclectic Boogaloo ==

On, January 11th, Chris posted the following to his [[Facebook]] account, in which he once again paints himself as the victim and wishes that people could like him, even barring all of his other actions from the past. He also says that ''nobody should be banned from a store unless they are carrying a gun''.

{{quotebox|Just Listen; Do Not Comment or Respond; I am being Very Serious.
I Really Wish People would Positively Like Me. I can not make people like me, and if they dislike me, for their own individual reasons beyond my own comprehension.

I can not change their minds. But, to my utmost dismay and sadness, should I be threatened, or be made to feel threatened, I Will defend myself to force some respect from them.
All I would ever want is a good day and some peace of my own mind; I do not intend, nor have ever intended, unprovoked, to offend anyone.
And if my good day is turned bad, because of me feeling threatened by anyone, and then I feel those individuals immediately deserve to have a bad day themselves (and continue living on from there),
then it is Their Fault for pushing me into the defensive position in the first place.
It really does make me feel sad and most disappointed of the other people when they give me such grief to the point that I have to be put into a position to force some respect out of them.

And I have been growing more paranoid of Other People since November of 2007 with the damn bad people over the internet,
as well as those I have had the displeasure to have encountered in person who have shown me nothing but a difficult time and even more grief.

Also, I sincerely believe nothing would ever be gained from killing anyone, including myself; all that does is forces one or the other into their next realm or life;
Nobody really Learns or really Benefits anything from the deaths of any person. That is why I would never own, or want to own, a real gun.
"Look out, she's going for her mace!"
"What? Would you rather I have a gun with bullets in it?"

And that is another thing everyone Should be Aware of: I AM A FEMALE SOUL, and I Prefer to be referred to by the Female Pronouns. Any address of "Sir", or "Man" upon me, will only be met by a cold shoulder or stare in their general direction.

And NOBODY should ever be BANNED from a high-volume store like Wal-Mart or Target for anything less offensive than a gun withdrawl or robbery. We All Have Bad Days, and unless we actually Hit a Person or living individual or similar actions, in how we individually react to how we are feeling at the ONE Moment, aside from the other Individual Moments, To Ban an individual is just plain wrong.

And acts of protests with JUST Meanings, do not deserve any damn grief either.

Just Let Me Live On In Peace, Let Me enjoy my Good Day and Pleasant Shoppings and Outings, and DO NOT BOTHER ME AT ALL. I have No Intention Whatsoever to harm Any Individual Person or Myself. So, Please, Do Not Give Me Reason to be Forced to Defend Myself to garner any respect. All that does is give us all a Bad Day from a Good One.

Good Day. }}

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:GameStopCville.jpg|The store in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], site of the incident.
File:ChrisGameStopShort.png|The listing of his court hearing.
File:ChrisGameStopFull.png|The full details.
File:Chris%27AssaultAccount.png|Chris's violently insane version of the incident.
File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|Chris's distinctly [[Tomgirl Saga|unfeminine]] mugshot.
File:PROTESTING_SANIC_BUM.jpg|The defacement Chris intended to wreak.
</gallery></center>

== Fan Art ==
<center><gallery>
File:Goofytime PTSD Employ2.jpg|Retail employees will now have Chris haunting their nightmares.
File:Tomgrrllyfe.jpg|Chris after life on the inside.
File:Chris-chan as the Pepper Spray Cop.jpg|Don't call anybody!
File:Chris's strut.png|Fighting the law requires fashion!
File:Chris_in_court.jpeg| Meanwhile at Chris's trial...
File:Phantom_Stress.jpg| "What a mess I've made, when it all went wrong..."
</gallery></center>

== Video ==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan maces a GameStop employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yJkjjpFM97w}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Manchester Sweatshirt
| previous = [[Brushfire Video]]
| next = [[Documentary]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''A beep, most likely from the checkout machine, is heard as Chris walks near the camera. He blows a raspberry, presumably at monozettai, for a nanosecond as he passes the camera'']

'''Chris''': Don't call anybody!

[''Chris struts confidently towards the store entrance. Unintelligible background noise from other customers can be heard, a family at the counter look shocked and confused by the bizarre creature passing them.'']

'''Clerk''': [''to customer at register''] 22.10 [''laughs'']

[''Chris sprays James Herring, the store's assistant manager, with pepper spray, causing him to quickly back away. A woman, likely the store's manager from Chris's description, walks into view.'']

'''Manager''': That guy wants to buy two... [''trails off, realizing what just happened.'']

'''Herring''': Whoa! Hey! [''mouths "what the fuck"'']

== Police Scanner Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Police scanner
| video = {{#ev:youtube|pk-Oa8BinxE}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===Transcript===
{{Transcription}}
{{Incomplete}}
[''The entire audio is messy, grainy and hard to hear. If there are any inaccuracies in the audio, please feel free to help.'']

'''0:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP 5-7, APC--[''mumbling'']

'''Rookie:''' I'll cover it.

'''Cool cop:''' Stay there.

'''Old cop:''' He's at Fashion Square Mall. I'll get him. He's not in Shoppers World. I'm probably gonna pull up in the community and park the car. ''(CUTS OUT)'' and then...I'll go...check the car. He is described as a ''([[Stress sigh|sighs]])'' white male, 5-foot 9, with long brown hair. He was wearing two sets of glasses and [[Plush Breasts|fake breasts]]. ''(Someone in the background says "what the hell?")'' The name is supposed to be "Christopher Chandler".

'''1:00'''

'''Rural cop:''' I'll go and do it. I'm on location.

'''?:''' Okay.

'''?:''' Doin' okay.

'''?:''' Thank you, Ethan.

'''?:''' No problem.

'''?:''' Uhh... I'll be looking for seven, I'll probably be in that ''???'' mall for a little bit. Three-nine can just run it.

'''?:''' Fine, Arthur. Three-nine, you got... Yeah. He can just route a call from our phone. Okay.

'''?:''' Uh, have you sent out that thing from here, ''?????'' Thirty-nine can just draw it.

'''?:''' Uh, ''????'' and ''?????''

'''?:''' Roger.

'''2:00'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''2:26'''

'''Mike:''' ''?????''

'''Woman:''' Thank you, Mike.

'''2:32'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''3:23'''

'''?:''' Seven-six APC.

'''?:''' Copy, seven-six.

'''Rural cop:''' Someone here at the mall with ''???'' Chandler. A long time here. Trespass. Banned from the mall.

'''?:''' ''????'' uh, you got ''??????''

'''4:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven.

'''Rookie:''' Copy.

'''?:''' Uh, ''?????''

'''Rookie:''' That's correct.

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven. ''(PAUSE) ?????'' seven-six

'''4:45'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''5:14'''

'''Ethan:''' ''???'' before seven APC

'''?:''' ''?????''

'''Ethan:''' Could I have the report number please?

'''?:''' Ethan, your number's 10725. Ten seven two five. ''(PAUSE) careful??????''

'''Ethan:''' ''????'' three units.

'''?:''' Sir, can you get me the report number ''????????''

'''?:''' ''?????'', you have, uh, 10726. Ten seven two six.

'''6:09'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''7:00'''

'''?:''' APC ''?????''

'''Woman:''' ''?????''

'''Old cop:''' ''?????'' car ''???????????????'' in the area ''????'' might have come from a house ''?????'' I'll check the ''book????''

==Fan Videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading of Chris' Facebook Post
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1mNy4oamILA}}
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7EpM9PXIn3bTIlJYiP1xWg BrendanielReads]
| stardate = 29 [[December 2014]]}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Fought the Law
| video = {{#ev:youtube|M2cKgb9xU2o}}
| stardate = 30 [[December 2014]]
| maker = FavoretFox
| subject = 26 December 2014
| type = [[Parody]] of The Crickets' "I Fought the Law"}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tyrone Declares Chris Chan's Innocence
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0A2p_OgkZw0}}
| stardate = 17 [[January 2015]]
| maker = Based Tyrone
| subject = 26 December 2014}}

== See also ==
* [[Chris and the Law]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Jail calls]]
* [[Sonic Boom Protests]]
* [[28 October 2011]]

==References==
<references />

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

Weens

2015-04-16T03:13:53Z

Gsbr: More appropriate quote.

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|Are you six years old or somethin'? |[[Bob Chandler|Bob]] to a ween.}}

Rounding out the unholy trinity of [[white knights]] and [[A-Logging|A-Logs]], '''weens''' are several times as annoying as the previous two combined. Both a corruption of the phrase "epic win" and a reference to [[wikipedia:Ween|the experimental rock band]], weens are wannabe [[trolls]] who attempt to recreate the success of prominent trolls, but generally just embarrass themselves due to their lack of originality and wit. In other words, they're the hyperactive preteen cargo-cultists who annoy the ''shit'' out of non-weens with their [[Chris and art|complete lack of talent]] [[random-access humor|and insular sense of humor]].

Think we're exaggerating? Maybe a video or two will help get the point across.
<center>{{#ev:youtube|SZyS7SDVyMQ}} {{#ev:youtube|4yUUi2Qco5Q}}</center>

==What Weening consists of==
[[Image:epicweentrolling1.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT WEENS ACTUALLY BELIEVE.]]
[[Image:Furniggersmustdie.jpg|thumb|Typical ween art.]]
* Elaborate trolling plans.
* Prank calls to Chris's house and/or cellphone. Double dumbass points if it's just to yell "[[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAAAY, JULAAAAAAY!]]" into the phone.
* A-Logging. While not all weens are A-Logs and vice versa, the vast majority of these dumbasses are both. A-Log himself was as much of a ween as your average A-Log, what with his unfunny "commentaries" that made people who make similar (and ''much'' better) videos do a collective facepalm, not to mention his excruciating attempt at stand-up comedy- based entirely on Chris, and in a place where most (If not all) of the attendants had never even heard of him.
* [[Facebook]] stalking.
* Spamming Chris's [[Facebook|Face]][[Brassieres For Males|book]] [[Keep Sonic Original|pag]][[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!|es]] with random pictures of [[Sonic]]'s [[Sonic Boom Protests|blarms]].
* Scathing e-mails or letters.
* Attempting to contact people who once interacted with Chris but have since cut off all ties with him, like [[Megan]], [[Cole]] and [[the Wallflower]], and drag them back into the spotlight.
* Terrible fanfiction that "wittily" deconstructs ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' as a saccharine dystopia. Sorry, folks, but ''[[Asperchu]]'' already did it; it's time to move on.
* Terrible fanfiction and fanart that focuses solely on murdering [[Sonichu]] characters, as seen in the picture below-right. Double dumbass points if focusing predominantly on the slaughter of [[Sonees and Roseys]].
* Terrible fanart of ''Sonichu'' that attempts to be wittily macabre by making it even more [[Chris and art|grotesque]], [[Episode 21|gory]], or [[Episode 17|perverse]] than it already was.
* Spouting tired old Chris memes in places where Christorians lurk, or even in places where most of the members don't even know about Chris. Either way, it's very annoying.
* Making frivolous or exaggerated claims of Chris's misconduct in feedback on sites like [[eBay]] or [[YouTube]].
* Spoiling Chris's legitimate attempts at participating in [[Chris and contests|contests]] or e-commerce.
* Making [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y87AvTrK9Dc terrible rap songs] about Chris that would make Vanilla Ice or Soulja Boy shake their heads. Double dumbass points for making excuses to keep it up, like saying it's a demo and/or claiming you had a sore throat that day, and triple dumbass points for attacking people in the comments section who ''dare'' give out negative opinions of it.
* Any kind of trolling plan, really. But especially...
* ...breaking the [[law]] in pursuit of [[Laughs Under Lucricities|lulz]], like vandalizing Chris's [[14 Branchland Court|property]], illegally recording telephone conversations, stalking him or his mother, or [[Death threats|threatening him]] with violence or death. We shouldn't have to say it, but for fuck's sake, '''DON'T DO THIS.'''

==Why you should avoid weening==
[[Image:REALChrisChanAndFriends.jpg|thumb|[[The Miscreants]], grateful to get away from all of the weens leeching off their hard work.]]
Yeah, yeah, we know what you're thinking. You're not one of those try-hard [[BlueSpike|13-year old boys]] who think that screaming "'''JULAAAAAY!!!'''" at Chris is the height of wit. You've come up with a great plan to really get under Chris's skin, bring back the good old days and all that shit. While you ''may'' in fact be that guy, 99.9% of the time, you should just shitcan your trolling plans and move on with your life.

Why, you ask?

===There are much better targets than Chris===
If you're willing to put that much effort into trolling Chris, why not use that effort to choose a better victim? As much as the [[CWCki]] examines and discusses [[Tomgirl|his]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|numerous]] [[Semen|odd]] [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|behaviors]] and [[Chris and his Ego|per]][[Chris and reality|son]][[Chris and hypocrisy|ali]][[Chris and Remorse|ty]] [[Chris and anger|fla]][[Chris and race|ws]], Chris isn't even ''close'' to the bottom of the barrel of internet scumbags. [[Beel|Neo-Nazis]], [[Blanca Weiss|abusive lovers]] and [[Babysitter|parents]], [[Joshua Martinez|scam artists]], [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|hate groups]], [[white knight|social justice warriors]], [[pedofork|pedophiles]], [[Allison Amber|corrupt politicians]] and [[4-cent_garbage.com|corporations]], [[Chris and religion|religious zealots]], [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|zoophiles]], [[Computer|malware writers]], and other assorted shitbirds are much more deserving of concentrated trolling than Chris will ever be.

Even if you don't give a shit about who the trollbait is as long as you get major laughs, the Chris of today just isn't as amenable to trolling as he used to be (discussed in further detail below). The amount of effort you would need to put into piercing his layers of white knights and paranoia would be staggering to say the least. And even if you do manage to bypass these obstacles, ''what is there left to do to him?'' Anything amusing about him has already been extracted from years of trolling and information gathering, except perhaps the odd [[CWC-ism]] he occasionally makes up, and other shit he does on his own initiative (also discussed further below). All that is left of him at this point is a withered husk of a lolcow; as much as you may try to milk it, all that'll come out will be cobwebs and dust. With that in mind, you may as well just spend your time on another lolcow who hasn't been inured to years of deceit yet.

For most aspiring trolls, the only reason to pick Chris over any other Internet jackass is because he's relatively well-known even today, and you have a ready-made audience available to appreciate your efforts. But that's just you being lazy, not some trolling mastermind.

===The best trolls are chosen by fate===
With a couple of exceptions, the greatest trolls didn't even mean to get into professional trolling. BlueSpike never intended to create the [[Julie]] character; he just rolled with it when Chris assumed he was a girl because of his voice. [[Clyde Cash]] was an emergent meme and later a collective identity that spread from Chris [[Ryan Cash|jerking around his fanbase]]. [[Liquid Chris]] started out as a YouTube nobody who discovered he was surprisingly good at Chris impressions, and was eventually noticed by Chris himself out of the blue. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] thought that he was making a page on a run-of-the-mill lolcow and had no idea of the clusterfuck he was about to create. [[Ivy]] only asked him for a shout-out; she had no idea that Chris was going to latch onto her so hard.

Ask any of the seasoned Chris trolls and they'll tell you meticulous trolling plans ''really'' don't work with Chris, because it's not always so easy to predict how he'll react to anything. For example; on the one hand, he completely shrugged off the theft and destruction of the original medallions, yet on the other hand he has [[Chris and anger|completely]] [[Death threats|overreacted]] to what could be considered quite [[Pickles|minor]] [[Homos|triggers]] in comparison. At most, people who troll Chris successfully just go in with a rough outline and let Chris fill in the details as they go. So quit with the elaborate planning, because it doesn't work and only makes you look obsessed; coincidentally, this is exactly what turned the trolls' attention to A-Log.

==={{CURRENTYEAR}}'s Chris is not (quite) as gullible as he used to be===
Granted, almost no one on Earth is as [[naïve]] as Chris was in 2007. However, Chris has gradually learned that when he's contacted by people claiming to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], [[Prank calls#Batman Call|Batman]], [[Vanessa Hudgens]], someone from his past, or [[Savannah Chandler|even his own relatives]], chances are he's just being trolled. In fact, the naivety of the younger Chris has been swapped for an extreme paranoia and distrust of anyone who tries to contact him, to the extent where he's even turned down legitimate attempts to get in touch by people he actually knew at [[high school]] or [[college]]. This hasn't been helped by weens--according to [[Seinor prom|senior]] trolls, Chris was once contacted by ''10 people'' claiming to be Megan at the same time.

Needless to say, he no longer responds to any random dork who contacts him, meaning that most trolling plans nowadays will simply fail to even get off the ground.

===Your idea is probably not original===
Whatever it is, it's probably been done before, and most likely better. It's pretty much impossible to top getting Chris to believe that the [[Miyamoto emails|President of Nintendo]] was interested in his work, that Vanessa Hudgens wanted to date him, or that there was a DANG, DIRTY IMPOSTER whom everyone else truly thought was the ''real'' Chris and stealing his richly deserved fame. By and large, most modern trolling plans tend to be some minor variation on something that's already been done, like ''"what if we got his [[high school ring]]?"'' or ''"what if we got him to see another parody of his comic?"'' Thus, if you attempt to rehash older trolling events, it's highly likely Chris will simply ignore it--in the words of the [[Chris and music|Bare]][[Nudes|naked]] [[China|Ladies]], ''[[wikipedia:It's All Been Done|it's all been done before]]''.

===Weenery discourages Chris from producing content===
Most of Chris's content came from a time when he believed he had lots of fans and everyone, barring a few trolls here and there, loved him. The constant stream of weenery over the years has made him think of himself as a victim who won't be able to do anything without being harassed. As a result, he's wised up and become far more private, meaning barely any content for us.

It is also worth mentioning that Chris produces better content of his own accord, without any input from trolls or weens. Since his semi-retreat from the public eye after his father's death, Chris has been [[28 October 2011|prosecuted]] [[26 December 2014|twice]], concocted outlandish conspiracy theories centered on [[Megan Schroeder|someone]] he hasn't spoken to for years, accidentally set fire to his house, and swapped his [[Chris and fashion|already unappealing wardrobe]] for an [[Tomgirl Pictures|even worse one]]; all of this without any impetus from the trolls. Don't try and rush the master of [[Kick the Autistic|America's favorite game]].

===If you fail hard enough, you will become a target for trolls yourself===
Anthony LoGatto, or "A-Log", is ''the'' touchstone for trolling backfiring on the troll, and it's important to remember that he would never have attracted the attention of the internet if he had simply toned down the vitriol, or at the very least reined himself in enough to make it less obvious that he was absolutely obsessed with Chris. It was thereafter a fairly obvious leap in intuition to assume that someone with that level of hysteria and monomania over someone they had never even met in real life would have had some skeletons in their own closet--and as it turns out, A-Log had more than a few. These included some terrible stand-up comedy bits he did, and a cache of disturbing cartoon pornography and self-written yiff fanfiction, featuring a fox OC with an exceptionally-large [[duck|penis]].

By the same token, obsessive, excessive weenery is very likely to get you noticed by other trolls, who will in turn start trolling you because of that and anything else they notice about you, hoisting you on your own petard. In other words, it's akin to plugging in a big neon sign pointing the trolls straight to your collection of ''[[Dragon Ball Z|Goku]] x Anne Frank'' slash fiction and old ''Tiger Beat'' magazines with [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|boy bands]] mugging at the camera.

===Even if you do succeed, you may regret it later===
Sometimes, trolls that somehow manage to succeed in extracting lulz from Chris end up getting more than they bargained for. Liquid Chris is probably going to have to fend off accusations from people outside of the Chris-Chan bubble of tormenting what they would assume to be an emotionally-vulnerable autistic man for his own amusement for the rest of his life. BlueSpike will turn 30 someday, and even then will still be thought of as the crazed, sadistic pervert who willingly listened to a [[slow-in-the-mind]] [[mass debate]] for hours on end at age 13 and forced him to cram a broken [[CRAYOLA FUCKIN' MODEL MAGIC|clay]] medallion up his ass.

To add to the irony, people who didn't intentionally upset Chris are still getting unwanted attention from weens. Do you think [[Adam Stackhouse]] enjoys being inundated by various unwanted ''"you prevented Chris from raping Megan, congrats!"'' messages in his inbox? Or that [[Mary Lee Walsh]] enjoys seeing herself as a nubile anime blonde who exists solely to torment a [[virgin with rage]] every time she or her students uses Google? Or that [[Michael Snyder]] would like being constantly reminded by various weens of almost becoming the victim of vehicular homicide in misguided attempts to congratulate him? In all these cases, the answer is a big, fat '''NO'''.

===Chris is still the undisputed trolling champion===
Lest we think that the current drought in content is because of a shortage of trolling triggers, consider that we would be having a ''windfall'' in content of unprecedented magnitude right now, had Chris not given up on making frequent videos. A lot has happened over the last year or so, although you wouldn't know it from the intermittent updates; Chris had another [[Catherine|girlfriend]] whom he eventually discovered was fake, been led to believe his [[gal-pals]] never liked him, threw away all of his [[eBay]] and commission money on [[Lego]] bricks, [[Destruction Of Chris's House|accidentally set his house on fire]], began what will probably be a long crusade against blue arms, and got himself arrested again as a result of it. If Chris still had his old enthusiasm for 24/7 content creation, we'd be utterly spoiled.

In fact, even in the "golden age" of trolling, many Christorians' most fondly-remembered incidents had little or no active involvement from the trolls. Chris spilled the beans about his DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS during an IRC chat about a mostly unrelated subject. [[THAT IS MY HOUSE]] came out of the seemingly innocuous act of him [[House tour|videotaping the inside of his house]] and putting it up on YouTube. The events of 28 October 2011 would likely have taken much longer to come to light if not for Chris himself posting pictures of Michael Snyder and various other details to this very wiki within hours of him getting home from jail, and the same is true of the events of 26 December 2014. Chris's macing of a GameStop employee was provoked by a minor change to a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|cartoon hedgehog]]'s design that was done by professional video game designers unaware of or otherwise unfettered by the vitriol they'd receive from Chris and other people like him in return. And one can only imagine what on Earth possessed him to not only draw [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]], but to post it online and [[Madman Rising|proudly proclaim]] that it depicted Megan, one of the few real friends he's ever had.

An old saying among Christorians applies here: "''[[Trolls#Chris_the_Troll|Nobody trolls Chris better than Chris]].''" In other words, even without the involvement of active trolling, Chris is so good at turning his own life into a rolling disaster that not even the triumphant return of Clyde Cash could top how he's trolling himself. So just sit back, relax, and [[CWCki|enjoy the show]].

==See also==
* [[Trolls]] - Examples of doing it right.
* [[A-Logging]] - Examples of doing it wrong.
* [[Michael Snyder]] / [[Adam Stackhouse]] / [[Mary Lee Walsh]] - Examples of doing it by complete accident.

[[Category:Trolling]]

BlueSpike

2015-04-16T03:03:39Z

Gsbr:

{{Articleofthenow}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | <s>Sweethearts</s> Trolls
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:JULAYYYYYYYY.PNG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |BlueSpike
|-
|'''Real name'''
|David
|-
| '''Alias'''
| LeonSpike Julie Milvana Max Milvana
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| c. 1996
|-
| '''Gender'''
| <s>Female</s> Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| [[Trolls|Troll]]
|-
|}
Most thirteen-year-old boys only dream of getting to watch an [[autistic]] [[Chris|manchild]] shove pieces of [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|CRAYOLA FUCKIN' MODEL MAGIC]] up his ass. '''BlueSpike''' (AKA '''LeonSpike''', "a 13 year old brat" according to Chris) got to live that dream, when he [[troll]]ed Chris through two identities: a [[sweetheart]] '''Julie''' (aka '''JULAAAY''') and her brother '''Max'''.

The trolling caused events such as Chris admitting to Julie that he had tried a [[dildo]] and [[sex toys|anal beads]], the infamous [[sex tape]] where he fucks [[Kimmi]], a description of a future scene from [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] alluding to his [[Gay 4 Sonichu|gay fans]], how Chris hates everything that's not Aryan, his [[Bob Walks In|father walking in]] to him [[mass debating]], and other sick shit.

Due to his sadistic treatment of Chris, especially [[Julie Reveals Herself|during the Mumble call where he revealed himself as Julie]], BlueSpike remains a controversial figure among those who document Chris' life. He is also indirectly responsible for the "JULAAAAAAAAYYY!" meme, so he is partially to blame for all the [[weening|weens]] who still find it amusing.

==Julie==
[[Image:LetterfromJulie(2of2).jpg|thumb|left|100px|What Chris believed Julie looked like.]]

{{quote|I can tell in my heart Julie IS 19.|Chris on Julie.<ref>[[Mumble 10]]</ref>}}
{{quote|JULAAAAAAY, JULAAAAAAY!!!!|Chris professes his undying love while screwing a [[Kimmi|doll]].}}

'''Julie Milvana'''<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 5]]</ref> (born 13 July 1989<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 4]]</ref>) was a [[Molvanîa]]n Methodist<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' fan who became Chris's sweetheart after [[PandaHalo]]. Her kidnap by her evil brother Max led to Chris's ill-fated [[Ohio trip|rescue mission]] to Cleveland.

Julie first showed up in IRC in December [[2008]], suggesting the infamous [[Tour of Chris's House]] video.<ref>[[IRC (15 December 2008)]]</ref> She later posed a ton of ''Sonichu'' questions submitted by fans.<ref>[[IRC (28 December 2008)]]</ref> She was later invited to [[Sonichu Girls]]. As early as 3 [[January 2009]], she asked Chris what he would do if a [[JERK]] kidnapped his [[heartsweet]] - he said, ''"I would learn his demands if any, or if he hurt her, I'd strike the jerk back."'' Julie also got excited by the prospect of an orgy with Chris and the Sonichu Girls.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref> The next day, it was revealed that Chris had promised his virginity to both Panda and Julie, and both ladies were furious, with Julie threatening to kill herself.<ref>[[IRC (04 January 2009)]]</ref> Later she calmed down and moved to Ohio to live with relatives. Ever classy, Chris suggested a threesome with PandaHalo.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs]]</ref>

Chris refused to drive to Ohio, instead insisting that Julie come to him. He also couldn't be bothered to attack Clyde in IRC, even when he threatened Julie.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 2]]</ref>

When Chris chose [[Sarah May]] over her, Julie was crushed. Chris apologized, and then abruptly [[Autism|went back to talking about vidya]].<ref name="a">[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 4]]</ref>

Clyde Cash made more serious threats against Julie, forcing Chris to upload a famous [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|5 February 2009 video]] admitting that he was gay.<ref name="a" />

Once Chris got it into his head that PandaHalo had burned to death in a wildfire, he began to focus even more on Julie as a sweetheart.

Chris received a [[:File:LetterfromJulie(1of2).jpg|letter]] written by Julie, the first physical [[:File:LetterfromJulie(2of2).jpg|proof]] of her "existence". In it, it details the love professed by her to Chris.

That Valentine's Day, Chris uploaded [[LittleBigPlanet|an ''LBP'' level]], and Chris and Julie took their relationship to the next level with cybersex. Bob walked in, and the rest is history. Chris's parents didn't believe that Julie was TRUE and HONEST.<ref>[[Bob Walks In Aftermath]]</ref>

In an infamous video on 20 [[February 2009]], Chris created a sex video for Julie with the help of his inflatable assistant Kimmi, in order to give Julie an idea of what their first time together would be like. Chris's agonized cries of "JULAAAAAAAY!" would prove one of the most striking and memorable of CWC-isms; to this date, many erroneously believe that Kimmi ''is'' Julie. This is not so; Chris may be the most desperate man alive, but he's not quite got to the point where he's convinced himself any of his sex dolls are real.

{{clear}}

==Max==
[[Image:Anon.jpg|thumb|left|100px|The mysterious Max.]]
[[Image:Nnocac.jpg|thumb|Receipts from Chris's epic journey to Cleveland. Note that he asked for no [[pickle]]s on the mayo hamburger, and that the place he at was a [[Sonic]] Drive-In.]]

Max was the evil, mysterious brother of Julie who held her against her will. On 26 February 2009, Chris valiantly traveled to [[Ohio trip|Ohio]] in a bid to rescue her and got his parents all worried. (His ancestors' spirits had wished him "a Safe Trip to Ohio" two days prior at [[Aunt Corrina]]'s funeral.)<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7]]</ref> Unfortunately, because Chris got the "wrong" address, he ended up at a run down house in the ghetto that was inhabited by an elderly [[black]] woman.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 13]]</ref>

{{Main|Julie Reveals Herself}}

On 3 [[March 2009]], Max gained control of Chris's PlayStation Network account, and during an hour-long audio session he threatened to sell the PSN account and forbade Julie from seeing Chris. Chris was coerced into declaring [[BILLY MAYS]] to be the mayor of CWCville and shoving the pieces of his destroyed [[Sonichu medallion]] up his ass while shouting "Zap to the extreme!" before he was allowed to speak to Julie as seen in the video below, at which point Julie admits that both she and Max have been BlueSpike, a 13-year-old boy in league with Clyde Cash. At no point did BlueSpike even mention the sex tape (which had already gotten nearly two million hits). BlueSpike's female voice is an unconvincing falsetto, which makes it all the more hilarious that it worked so well on Chris.

This incident shattered both his [[heart level]] and his anus to 0%.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|1xo3SAwefBM}}
</center>

{{-}}

==Encyclopedia Dramatica Troll War==
[[Image:Advicespikemedallion.png|thumb|right|Kids say the darndest things.]]

On 5 [[March 2009]], an all-out civil war broke out between trolls on the Chris-chan [[ED]] discussion page on whether BlueSpike had gone too far, whether he was a hypocrite, or if he was merely a tool initiated by Clyde Cash to ruse Chris into the further milking of [[lulz]]. Suffice to say, a combination of outrage and troll remorse turned the whole event into a clusterfuck.

{{quote|If BlueSpike really is 13 years old, then we know who the real child molesters are. "hey, they made fun of YOU for doing sonic recolours?, look at this guy!". "hey! be one of the cool kids, help this autistic guy jack off, pretend to be a girl so we can video tape and record it..." . Thats the REAL reason you were shiting it and called for a 30 minute silence just after, Clyde/Mayes. At least you had the balls to say that it was you responsible in channel once. You know its not going to be pizza's at 1am, and you know its not a fucking cat. If Bluespike really is 13, then you groomed a child to perform sex acts on a mentally retarded man for your pleasure. You're fucked, son. You both broke a lolcow, but theres better sport now, ruining your lives. And dont act like you dont care, I saw you shiting yourself all that night and the next, sending waves of members out to kill threads about it or put in false names, just like Your sock earlier in the page. Ready to have a seat of there?|Wit, ED user}}

Most of the trolling did involve BlueSpike having phone sex with Chris for hours each night, disgustingly listening to the guy [[mass debate|fap]]. <ref = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Gq35fqRk5E&feature=channel_page>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Gq35fqRk5E</ref> <ref = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpj5Hg80f1E>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpj5Hg80f1E</ref>  As BlueSpike was in complete control of Chris, he could have done more sinister things, but night after night he engaged in nothing but noisy phone sex and listened to Chris very loudly jack off. Draw your own conclusions about BlueSpike's sexuality. One fap session did produce the epically hilarious [[Bob Walks In|event]] when [[Bob Chandler]] became the Internet Lumberjack.

Today, most trolls tend to frown on BlueSpike and his methods, though some yearn to return to the sadist days of BlueSpike in hopes of an age of trolling where [[A-Logging|physical pain is inflicted upon Chris]].

While one might think that this level of physical and mental abuse would leave lasting scars, BlueSpike's trolling had virtually no evident long-term impact on Chris. Just a few weeks after Julie revealed her true identity, Chris had no trouble believing that he had found another [[Ivy|sweetheart]] online, and just a few weeks after that he had no trouble believing that he was having instant-messenger sex with a [[Vanessa Hudgens|world-famous celebrity]]. The main effect it did have was that although Chris remade a new Sonichu medallion, he stopped wearing it until 1 [[July 2009]].

Chris came to believe that BlueSpike was killed at the hands of [[Clyde Cash]], from an offhand comment Cash made in [[Mumble 12]]. On [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|his version of the ED page]], Chris stated that "That little S.O.B. later died at the hands of the "[[Transformers|Starscream]]" Troll, Clyde Cash." Of course, this statement was later [[Car Pranks|revealed to be a complete and utter bluff]]. Chris himself no longer believes BlueSpike is dead, as is evident from the [[BlueSpike#Called out|video Chris directed at him on August 2011]].

==Called out==
On 23 [[August 2011]], [[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David|Chris claimed]] to know BlueSpike's real identity (first name '''David''') and threatened to drop dox on him unless he made an apology video by 15 [[September 2011]]. In the video, BlueSpike was to tell people to stop calling Chris "[[Ian Brandon Anderson]]" and yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|"JULAAAAAAAAYYY!"]] in [[prank calls]]. Although BlueSpike did not respond to Chris' demands, the death of [[Bob Chandler]] two weeks later caused Chris to leave the internet before he could reveal BlueSpike's personal information, and he ultimately lost interest in exposing his tormentor.

Even if Chris did make a video about who BlueSpike really was, it would have been for naught. The personal information Chris had actually belonged to David Harlow, a lolcow also known as [https://encyclopediadramatica.se/Nesshelper Nesshelper]. This is evidenced by Nesshelper and BlueSpike apparently sharing the same first name, the "real" photo of BlueSpike being a closeup of [https://encyclopediadramatica.se/File:Davidharlow.jpg this picture of Nesshelper], and Chris' claim of BlueSpike liking big rooms, which references an infamous [http://vimeo.com/21478293 video rant] where Nesshelper complained about the size of a hotel room he was staying in. Aside from not being a troll and having no reason nor motivation to go after Chris, the fact that Nesshelper sounds nothing like BlueSpike in his videos makes it clear they are not the same person. Furthermore, Nesshelper is said to be in his early twenties on his Encyclopedia Dramatica page, which means he would have been older than 13 during the Julie saga.

Chris was presumably given false information to highlight his [[autism|gullibility]] and possibly set up a feud between him and Nesshelper, similar to how [[Jack_Thaddeus#Called_out|Ahuviya Harel]] and [[Asperchu#Calling_Out|Christopher Paul "Fatman" Whitney]] made negative remarks about Chris after he accused them of being Jack Thaddeus and Alec Benson Leary respectively. Of course, the aforementioned death of Bob prevented a conflict between the two from occurring.

==See also==
{{Fan art}}
*[[BlueSpike PSN Chats]]
*[[Bob Walks In]]
*[[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
*[[CWC Cums for a Cat]]
*[[For Julie's Eyes Only]]
*[[Julie Reveals Herself]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=B3D68D552646B0AD BlueSpike's infamous conversation with Chris]

{{Trolls}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Julie Saga]]

Mia Hamm

2015-04-06T18:41:45Z

Gsbr: Cleaning up article, adding new details.

{{Honest}}
{{taxpayermoney}}
{{quote|And those- Those memories build towards the true love. And honest- in the honest emotions that have to occur during that relationship. Because without the emo- because without the true love and honest emotions, it's just about as meaningless as sex with a prostitute.|Chris, back in [[2009]]}}
[[File:Mia 002.jpg|thumb|Mia Hamm after reading this article.]]

'''Mia Hamm''' (born approx. [[1980s|1987-1988]] or [[1990s|1991-1992]]) is the pseudonym of the woman [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] finally completed his [[Love Quest|Fuck Quest]] with, relieving him of his status as a [[virgin with rage]]. Named after the [[wikipedia:Mia Hamm|former soccer player of the same name]], she is a [[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free hooker]] who advertised herself on Backpage.com.<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20120523054531/http://charlottesville.backpage.com/FemaleEscorts/ Confirmation of Backpage]</ref> Chris paid for an hour with her in [[April 2012]], which cost him [[Chris and money|$150]] of his [[Monthly tugboat|tugboat]], and later had sex with her again [[May 2012|the following month]]. He chose to have intercourse with her despite [[Chris and hypocrisy|his previous statements that he would not hire a prostitute because it would render the act of sex meaningless]]. His decision was motivated by a fear of going to jail for [[28 October 2011|an incident]] that took place in [[October 2011]], although [[Chris and the Law|prostitution is also illegal in Virginia]].

Details about Mia were revealed publicly in a [[Open_Relationship_E-mails#The_Hooker_Story|text document]] Chris sent Renee. The document was originally an email given to an unidentified individual who provided Chris with Mia's Backpage ad.

==Description==
Chris describes Mia as a black-haired, blue-eyed woman of 24, although her ad claimed she was 20. She has an "average" figure with C-cup breasts. Her personality is described as "nice, likeable, and down to earth." She has [[un-clit|piercings]] on her lip, tongue, and nipples. She is half-[[Cherokee]] as well, which Chris enjoyed. Mia has two [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughters]] to a man who abandoned her. Given her young age and the fact that Chris states that she had them "years ago," this could possibly mean that Mia was a teenage mother. The girls stay with their grandmother. Mia travels from town-to-town and is attempting to get an education to give herself and her daughters a better future, and told Chris that her escort service is just "a quick spot of cash for her." While working in Charlottesville, she serviced her clients at a [http://www.daysinn.com/hotels/virginia/charlottesville/days-inn-charlottesville-university-area/hotel-overview?hotel_id=10134&cid=whg_di_gglsem_br&wid=ps:br_whg&tel=18006821082&002=2188742&004=2113581259&005=15394730470&006=36511643659&007=Search&008=&025=c&026= Days Inn] hotel.

Mia appears to have since quit the escort business, as she took her ad down by May 27,<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20120527155707/http://charlottesville.backpage.com/online/classifieds/AdNotFound?category=4443</ref> five days after her last known posting and no subsequent ads by her can be found. The title of her last ad read "Just arrived MIA Hamm¡¡¡¡§pec@ils all day & night - 20," and it included a picture. However, the ad itself is unfortunately irretrievable, so its contents are unknown.

==Chris's account of their meeting==
[[Image:Virginbreaker.png|thumb|Chris bragging about how he paid for sex.]]
{{quote|Oh, I forgot to mention, she Really Enjoyed my [[Duck|dick]]; it was soo big and good, that it put the last dude she was with to shame; Her Words.|Chris on [[Facebook]], unaware that hookers typically tell clients things they want to hear}}
After recieving Backpage ads of escorts from his unknown contact, Chris drove to the Days Inn located between [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U.S._Route_29_in_Virginia Route 29] and [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U.S._Route_250_in_Virginia Route 250] to have sex with one of them. Mia was not Chris' original choice and was actually the third escort he contacted. "Riley," the one he intended to have sex with, never responded his calls, and "Kristen," his next choice, was unavailable. Chris then decided to call Mia, who was able to see him and told Chris she could be found in room 338.

Upon entering her room at 4:30 PM, Chris could tell that Mia had been smoking [[Tobacky|weed]], and that made him uncomfortable. He calmed down, however, after smelling [[Chris and health#Hygiene|hand sanitizer]]. They [[Nudes|stripped]] for each other, and "communicated good throughout." At Mia's insistence, Chris wore a green-apple-flavored [[raincoat|condom]]. She applied it to him with her mouth, and then began to give him a blowjob. Chris enjoyed it, and states that her tongue piercing added to the pleasure of the experience. Afterward, she laid beside Chris on the bed and they began feeling each other up. Chris described her [[china]] as feeling "really good," and he found her clitoris though Mia did not allow him to finger her. They began making out (without tongues), and then Chris gave her a massage that he also gives [[Barb]], which she enjoyed. Then, Chris informed her that he was ready for [[hanky-panky]]. He "requested Cowgirl, with possible missionary later," though this did not happen.

{{quote|Her pelvic thrusts were amazing; her pussy was tight, even after pushing two daughters out of there years ago. And I supported her thrusts with my hands on her knees, weaving back and forth. I also gave her [[Plush Breasts|breasts]] a good thrusting. I felt her front pelvic bone, which really made the top of the game. She came and I came, but on my coming, it was only half-felt. And the [[semen]] that was mostly outside, but a smidge on the outside of the condom, confirmed it.|Chris describing his first time}}

Afterward, Chris washed his [[duck]] with a [[Mass debating|washcloth]] he had brought with him. They spent the rest of their time conversing, and Chris gave Mia a gift basket, the contents of which are currently unknown. Mia told him a bit about her background, and Chris talked to her about the [[trolls]]. He also talked to her about ''[[Family Guy]]'' and ''[[South Park]]'' before her clock chimed, indicating that her next appointment was arriving. Chris promised that he would call her later, which he did at around 6:30. Mia had already finished with her next client, and told Chris that he was a disappointment to her. She said that the man's penis was smaller than Chris's and that it was a "wiener in a hallway" situation. Very soon after, Chris posted on [[Facebook]] that he was no longer a virgin. He taunted trolls with the fact that the only people who would ever know the full story would be himself, Mia (whose alias he did not mention), the person who put him in contact with her, and his future [[sweetheart]]. Apparently, [[Chris and reality|Chris sees no problem with telling a girlfriend that he had his first sexual encounter with a prostitute,]] [[Women's rights|and expects them to be completely okay with this]]. Chris saw her again the following month, though the details of their second encounter are unknown. Mia appears to have left the escort business very soon after her second meeting with Chris, meaning that he would have been one of her last clients. One can only speculate on whether having to sleep with a foul-smelling, overweight autistic manchild with a bent penis on a somewhat regular basis caused Mia to reevaluate her career choices.

===Fantasy vs. Reality===
Given [[List of Chris's lies|what we know]] [[Chris and reality|about Chris]], there is a strong possibility that this is not the [[TRUE and HONEST]] version of what happened. Chris paints himself as being unrealistically competent at sex for a virgin whose only prior knowledge of it comes from [[pornography]]. Additionally, Chris describes the incident as going off without a hitch, which is highly unlikely for a number of reasons, the most obvious of which is his horrifically bent [[duck]]. It is highly likely that Chris is omitting unflattering details or making up flattering ones to make himself look better. Chris's notion that Mia enjoyed the experience probably stems from the fact that prostitutes often pay their johns compliments, because it helps them make money to do so. Chris would probably be [[naïve]] enough to believe that she was being sincere, or he could just be telling himself that she was in order to serve his already massive [[ego]].

==See also==
* [[Hooker incident]] - Chris's first (and decidedly less pleasant) experience with hookers
* [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|Prostitution]]
* [[Kimmi]], [[Officer Nasty]], and [[Chris humps his PS3|his PS3]]- Chris's previous sex partners
* [[For Julie's Eyes Only]]- Chris's sex tape

{{References}}
{{Sweethearts}}
{{People}}
{{Love quest}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hamm, Mia}}
[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]

Virgin with rage

2015-04-03T23:02:48Z

Gsbr: /* No longer a virgin (No word on the rage) */

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|Tell me why I'm stuck as a virgin with rage Tell me why I so need a cute girl my age|[[So Need a Cute Girl]]}}

[[Image:106-FrustratedVirgin.jpg|thumb|[[Autism|WHY?!]]]]

'''Virgin with rage''' was [[Chris]]'s description of himself whilst he was still a virgin. Chris claimed that when he was a virgin, his condition engendered [[stress|frustration]] and, well, [[rage]].

Chris was very self-conscious about being a virgin, and frequently brought up the subject unprompted, [[Honest Content|even in casual conversation]] with people he had only just met. However, after being advised by his parents that it wasn't a good idea to mention that he was a VIRGIN WITH RAGE, he stopped this practice,<ref>[[Chris-Chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris_in_Person_.28From_THEIR_Point_of_View.29]]</ref> one of [[Un-clit|the few times he has learned from his mistakes]].

In [[April 2012]], Chris finally lost his virginity to a prostitute known as [[Mia Hamm]]. It remains yet to be seen whether or not losing it will change anything. So far, it hasn't.

== Hormonal rage ==
Chris was extremely distressed about the possibility of being destined to be a virgin forever.

{{quote|Sometimes I would want to touch her shoulder or back, feel her hair or give her a hug. I hold those urges back, because I care about her. And to keep myself from flying crazily off the handle at a random time, I keep my hormones in check at least twice a week by myself.|Chris on [[Megan]], [[Story of My Current Days]].}}

Despite his claims that he was "holding back", the emails with [[Megan]] paint a different picture, describing instances of him doing exactly what he says he wouldn't, by giving her random and unwanted touches.<ref>[[Megan Emails, 2008]]</ref><ref>[[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q&A#Chris_and_Megan]]</ref>

In another instance, Chris attempted to kiss [[Emily]] by surprise, during an unusually generous hug, but she was able to avoid it, and left unscarred.<ref>[[Emily#Kiss_fail]]</ref>

Likewise, [[Facebook]] correspondence between Chris and a young man named Joshua Alba revealed this pearl:
{{quote|I've thought of a funny message for a Valentine's Day card. On the outside, "Please Be Mine," and on the inside, "My hormones are slam-banging, and I do not have a woman to put them in."

I am not a sex freak; I'm just lonesome and sometimes horny.|Chris, [[Facebook messages]], 10 January 2010.<ref>[[Facebook_messages#Other]]</ref>}}

==References by Chris==
*"[[So Need a Cute Girl]]", a song which Chris recorded in August [[2003]], features the first known use of the term "virgin with rage."
*Chris's letter to ''Nintendo Power'' about ''[[Sprung]]'' from the spring of 2004 concludes, "So thank you, [[Nintendo]] and Ubisoft, for the dating advice that this frustrated virgin needed."
*The first issue of ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]'' from [[2004]] featured Chris's poem "[[Saddest Heart in the World]]", where he whines repeatedly about his virginity and repeats some of the lyrics from "So Need a Cute Girl."
*According to an entry in [[CWC's Diary#2004|CWC's Diary]] from September [[2004]], Chris told his "Lonesome Virgin story" to a [[jerkop]] who interrupted his loitering at the mall.
*After he lost [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]], Chris sent an angry e-mail to Sony, where he announced "YET NOW I, A FRUSTRATED HIGH-FUNCTIONALLY AUTISTIC 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN, HAVE BEEN [[South Park|BALLZ-BROKEN]] LIKE I HAVE THROUGH A BIG CHUNK OF MY LIFE IN AMERICA'S FAVORITE GAME, "[[KICK THE AUTISTIC]]!" *[[sigh]]*"
*Likewise, his [[PSN blogs#4_August_2007_.E2.80.94_Adam_Stackhouse.21.21.21|PSN Blog]] update from after losing the contest includes the line "I am a FRUSTRATED, High-Functionally AUTISTIC, 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN."
*In Chris's first video address of the post-[[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]] era, [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]], he doesn't actually come out and bluntly announce that he's a virgin. [[CWC's Second Message]], however, hammers the point home. There, Chris calls himself "the innocent, still 26-year-old virgin."
*During his IRC fan chat from [[Chris's Sonichu IRC Chloe Introduction|26 October 2008]], Chris billed his fictitious new girlfriend [[Chloe]] as his "VIRGIN-TAKER."
*Chris's New Year's resolution for [[2009]], announced on [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC]]: "Lose my Virginity with a Woman." Like most people's New Year's resolutions, he failed to follow through.
*While molesting his blow-up doll in the [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy]] video from 17 [[April 2009]], Chris says, "Ivy, I promise you, I promise you my undying love and devotion, I promise you my heart, my soul, even my virginity..."
*Chris's [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|Wikipedia profile]] from [[May 2009]] includes multiple references to his virginity.
*In the [[CWC Trollin More]] video from 19 [[July 2009]], Chris announced that he was "still a virgin," retracting one of the more obvious lies in the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video.
*At the end of [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]], from 9 [[August 2009]], Chris sums up his achievements in life (including his [[Julie|trip to Ohio]]) and says that "the—only thing—mark that's not been checked yet for a good life is the virgin-breaker."
*One of Chris's posts on the [[Adult Swim posts|Adult Swim forums]] was signed "Lonely Virgin in Virginia, searching for a Sweetheart-Soulmate."
*In the [[Common Questions#15 January 2010|Common Questions]] from 15 [[January 2010]], a correspondent asked Chris why he was so fixated on sex. He answered, "Oh, I don't know, how about being a Frustrated Virgin?!"
*Chris's [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|plea for sex to Damian Antaria]], uploaded 14 [[March 2010]], features his standard whine about being "a 28-year-old high-functioning autistic virgin."
*The 2009 [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|COMEBACK!]]'' album has a song on it titled "[[CWC Like a Virgin]]".

==No longer a virgin (No word on the rage)==
[[Image:Virginbreaker.png|thumb|Chris bragging about how he paid for sex.]]

On 12 [[April 2012]], two leaked [[Facebook]] statuses depicted Chris as having finally lost his virginity. The posts contained several points highly suggesting Chris hired a prostitute:

* She compared him to the last guy she was with.
* She told him a [[Duck|blatant lie]] to make him feel good about himself.
* Perhaps the most telling of all, Chris said that his eventual 'Sweetheart-to-be' will find out about it, meaning that this was a [[Fuck Quest|one night stand]].

Roughly a month later, on 1 [[May 2012|May]], Chris wrote in a [https://www.facebook.com/notes/christian-weston-chandler/hey-trollies/283149358446217 Facebook note] that his virgin breaker could be found "somewhere on the backpage." Most assumed he was referring to [http://www.backpage.com Backpage.com], a website well-known for featuring sex service ads.<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/19/opinion/kristof-not-quite-a-teen-yet-sold-for-sex.html?_r=1]</ref> This made it even more apparent that Chris resorted to paying for sex.

In a [[July_25,_2014_Leaks#June_28-29|conversation]] that was leaked on 25 [[July 2014]], Chris confirmed what everyone already knew; he hired a prostitute to take his virginity. A few months later, a [[Open_Relationship_E-mails#The_Hooker_Story|leaked email]] detailed his experience with her and revealed she went by the alias of [[Mia Hamm]]. Given that Chris practically had to bribe someone for his first time, all at the age of thirty, this brings a less-than-[[Giant Penis Comic|ideal]] conclusion to the virginal chapter of his ongoing [[Love Quest]] (which, despite his bragging, was [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|never an option he considered with any level of enthusiasm]]).

Incidentally, both prostitution and solicitation of prostitution are illegal in Virginia.<ref>[http://prostitution.procon.org/view.background-resource.php?resourceID=767]</ref> Therefore, Chris [[Chris and the Law|has committed yet another crime]].

==Aftermath==
Despite his hopes, losing his virginity did not appear to make Chris any happier. His [[Twitter]] and Facebook updates in the weeks, months, and years since showed him sliding deeper into depression. An April 2012 post on Twitter stated, "The virgin-breaker was a Great Milestone for me, and it made me feel more self-confident, but still, it was One thing. I still require my Sweetheart. :_( ...<3"
In August 2013, Chris even mentioned that he was more stressed.

{{References}}
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Virgin with rage

2015-04-03T15:22:21Z

Gsbr:

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|Tell me why I'm stuck as a virgin with rage Tell me why I so need a cute girl my age|[[So Need a Cute Girl]]}}

[[Image:106-FrustratedVirgin.jpg|thumb|[[Autism|WHY?!]]]]

'''Virgin with rage''' was [[Chris]]'s description of himself whilst he was still a virgin. Chris claimed that when he was a virgin, his condition engendered [[stress|frustration]] and, well, [[rage]].

Chris was very self-conscious about being a virgin, and frequently brought up the subject unprompted, [[Honest Content|even in casual conversation]] with people he had only just met. However, after being advised by his parents that it wasn't a good idea to mention that he was a VIRGIN WITH RAGE, he stopped this practice,<ref>[[Chris-Chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris_in_Person_.28From_THEIR_Point_of_View.29]]</ref> one of [[Un-clit|the few times he has learned from his mistakes]].

In [[April 2012]], Chris finally lost his virginity to a prostitute known as [[Mia Hamm]]. It remains yet to be seen whether or not losing it will change anything. So far, it hasn't.

== Hormonal rage ==
Chris was extremely distressed about the possibility of being destined to be a virgin forever.

{{quote|Sometimes I would want to touch her shoulder or back, feel her hair or give her a hug. I hold those urges back, because I care about her. And to keep myself from flying crazily off the handle at a random time, I keep my hormones in check at least twice a week by myself.|Chris on [[Megan]], [[Story of My Current Days]].}}

Despite his claims that he was "holding back", the emails with [[Megan]] paint a different picture, describing instances of him doing exactly what he says he wouldn't, by giving her random and unwanted touches.<ref>[[Megan Emails, 2008]]</ref><ref>[[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q&A#Chris_and_Megan]]</ref>

In another instance, Chris attempted to kiss [[Emily]] by surprise, during an unusually generous hug, but she was able to avoid it, and left unscarred.<ref>[[Emily#Kiss_fail]]</ref>

Likewise, [[Facebook]] correspondence between Chris and a young man named Joshua Alba revealed this pearl:
{{quote|I've thought of a funny message for a Valentine's Day card. On the outside, "Please Be Mine," and on the inside, "My hormones are slam-banging, and I do not have a woman to put them in."

I am not a sex freak; I'm just lonesome and sometimes horny.|Chris, [[Facebook messages]], 10 January 2010.<ref>[[Facebook_messages#Other]]</ref>}}

==References by Chris==
*"[[So Need a Cute Girl]]", a song which Chris recorded in August [[2003]], features the first known use of the term "virgin with rage."
*Chris's letter to ''Nintendo Power'' about ''[[Sprung]]'' from the spring of 2004 concludes, "So thank you, [[Nintendo]] and Ubisoft, for the dating advice that this frustrated virgin needed."
*The first issue of ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]'' from [[2004]] featured Chris's poem "[[Saddest Heart in the World]]", where he whines repeatedly about his virginity and repeats some of the lyrics from "So Need a Cute Girl."
*According to an entry in [[CWC's Diary#2004|CWC's Diary]] from September [[2004]], Chris told his "Lonesome Virgin story" to a [[jerkop]] who interrupted his loitering at the mall.
*After he lost [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]], Chris sent an angry e-mail to Sony, where he announced "YET NOW I, A FRUSTRATED HIGH-FUNCTIONALLY AUTISTIC 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN, HAVE BEEN [[South Park|BALLZ-BROKEN]] LIKE I HAVE THROUGH A BIG CHUNK OF MY LIFE IN AMERICA'S FAVORITE GAME, "[[KICK THE AUTISTIC]]!" *[[sigh]]*"
*Likewise, his [[PSN blogs#4_August_2007_.E2.80.94_Adam_Stackhouse.21.21.21|PSN Blog]] update from after losing the contest includes the line "I am a FRUSTRATED, High-Functionally AUTISTIC, 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN."
*In Chris's first video address of the post-[[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]] era, [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]], he doesn't actually come out and bluntly announce that he's a virgin. [[CWC's Second Message]], however, hammers the point home. There, Chris calls himself "the innocent, still 26-year-old virgin."
*During his IRC fan chat from [[Chris's Sonichu IRC Chloe Introduction|26 October 2008]], Chris billed his fictitious new girlfriend [[Chloe]] as his "VIRGIN-TAKER."
*Chris's New Year's resolution for [[2009]], announced on [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC]]: "Lose my Virginity with a Woman." Like most people's New Year's resolutions, he failed to follow through.
*While molesting his blow-up doll in the [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy]] video from 17 [[April 2009]], Chris says, "Ivy, I promise you, I promise you my undying love and devotion, I promise you my heart, my soul, even my virginity..."
*Chris's [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|Wikipedia profile]] from [[May 2009]] includes multiple references to his virginity.
*In the [[CWC Trollin More]] video from 19 [[July 2009]], Chris announced that he was "still a virgin," retracting one of the more obvious lies in the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video.
*At the end of [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]], from 9 [[August 2009]], Chris sums up his achievements in life (including his [[Julie|trip to Ohio]]) and says that "the—only thing—mark that's not been checked yet for a good life is the virgin-breaker."
*One of Chris's posts on the [[Adult Swim posts|Adult Swim forums]] was signed "Lonely Virgin in Virginia, searching for a Sweetheart-Soulmate."
*In the [[Common Questions#15 January 2010|Common Questions]] from 15 [[January 2010]], a correspondent asked Chris why he was so fixated on sex. He answered, "Oh, I don't know, how about being a Frustrated Virgin?!"
*Chris's [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|plea for sex to Damian Antaria]], uploaded 14 [[March 2010]], features his standard whine about being "a 28-year-old high-functioning autistic virgin."
*The 2009 [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|COMEBACK!]]'' album has a song on it titled "[[CWC Like a Virgin]]".

==No longer a virgin (No word on the rage)==
[[Image:Virginbreaker.png|thumb|Chris bragging about how he paid for sex.]]

On 12 [[April 2012]], two leaked [[Facebook]] statuses depicted Chris as having finally lost his virginity. The posts contained several points highly suggesting Chris hired a prostitute:

* She compared him to the last guy she was with.
* She told him a [[Duck|blatant lie]] to make him feel good about himself.
* Perhaps the most telling of all, Chris said that his eventual 'Sweetheart-to-be' will find out about it, meaning that this was a [[Fuck Quest|one night stand]].

Roughly a month later, on 1 [[May 2012|May]], Chris wrote in a [https://www.facebook.com/notes/christian-weston-chandler/hey-trollies/283149358446217 Facebook note] that his virgin breaker could be found "somewhere on the backpage." Most assumed he was referring to [http://www.backpage.com Backpage.com]", a website well-known for featuring sex service ads.<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/19/opinion/kristof-not-quite-a-teen-yet-sold-for-sex.html?_r=1]</ref> This made it even more apparent that Chris resorted to paying for sex.

In a [[July_25,_2014_Leaks#June_28-29|conversation]] that was leaked on 25 [[July 2014]], Chris confirmed what everyone already knew; he hired an escort to take his virginity. A few months later, a [[Open_Relationship_E-mails#The_Hooker_Story|leaked email]] detailed his experience with her and revealed she went by the alias of [[Mia Hamm]]. Given that Chris practically had to bribe someone for his first time, all at the age of thirty, this brings a less-than-[[Giant Penis Comic|ideal]] conclusion to the virginal chapter of his ongoing [[Love Quest]] (which, despite his bragging, was [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|never an option he considered with any level of enthusiasm]]).

Incidentally, both prostitution and solicitation of prostitution are illegal in Virginia.<ref>[http://prostitution.procon.org/view.background-resource.php?resourceID=767]</ref> Therefore, Chris [[Chris and the Law|has committed yet another crime]].

==Aftermath==
Despite his hopes, losing his virginity did not appear to make Chris any happier. His [[Twitter]] and Facebook updates in the weeks, months, and years since showed him sliding deeper into depression. An April 2012 post on Twitter stated, "The virgin-breaker was a Great Milestone for me, and it made me feel more self-confident, but still, it was One thing. I still require my Sweetheart. :_( ...<3"
In August 2013, Chris even mentioned that he was more stressed.

{{References}}
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Virgin with rage

2015-03-22T17:49:31Z

Gsbr: /* No longer a virgin (No word on the rage) */

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|Tell me why I'm stuck as a virgin with rage Tell me why I so need a cute girl my age|[[So Need a Cute Girl]]}}

[[Image:106-FrustratedVirgin.jpg|thumb|[[Autism|WHY?!]]]]

'''Virgin with rage''' was [[Chris]]'s description of himself whilst he was still a virgin. Chris claimed that when he was a virgin, his condition engendered [[stress|frustration]] and, well, [[rage]].

Chris was very self-conscious about being a virgin, and frequently brought up the subject unprompted, [[Honest Content|even in casual conversation]] with people he had only just met. However, after being advised by his parents that it wasn't a good idea to mention that he was a VIRGIN WITH RAGE, he stopped this practice,<ref>[[Chris-Chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris_in_Person_.28From_THEIR_Point_of_View.29]]</ref> one of [[Un-clit|the few times he has learned from his mistakes]].

In [[April 2012]], Chris wrote a message to [[Facebook]] claiming he had finally lost his virginity. It remains yet to be seen whether or not losing it will change anything, which it currently hasn't.

== Hormonal rage ==
Chris was extremely distressed about the possibility of being destined to be a virgin forever.

{{quote|Sometimes I would want to touch her shoulder or back, feel her hair or give her a hug. I hold those urges back, because I care about her. And to keep myself from flying crazily off the handle at a random time, I keep my hormones in check at least twice a week by myself.|Chris on [[Megan]], [[Story of My Current Days]].}}

Despite his claims that he was "holding back", the emails with [[Megan]] paint a different picture, describing instances of him doing exactly what he says he wouldn't, by giving her random and unwanted touches.<ref>[[Megan Emails, 2008]]</ref><ref>[[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q&A#Chris_and_Megan]]</ref>

In another instance, Chris attempted to kiss [[Emily]] by surprise, during an unusually generous hug, but she was able to avoid it, and left unscarred.<ref>[[Emily#Kiss_fail]]</ref>

Likewise, [[Facebook]] correspondence between Chris and a young man named Joshua Alba revealed this pearl:
{{quote|I've thought of a funny message for a Valentine's Day card. On the outside, "Please Be Mine," and on the inside, "My hormones are slam-banging, and I do not have a woman to put them in."

I am not a sex freak; I'm just lonesome and sometimes horny.|Chris, [[Facebook messages]], 10 January 2010.<ref>[[Facebook_messages#Other]]</ref>}}

==References by Chris==
*"[[So Need a Cute Girl]]", a song which Chris recorded in August [[2003]], features the first known use of the term "virgin with rage."
*Chris's letter to ''Nintendo Power'' about ''[[Sprung]]'' from the spring of 2004 concludes, "So thank you, [[Nintendo]] and Ubisoft, for the dating advice that this frustrated virgin needed."
*The first issue of ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]'' from [[2004]] featured Chris's poem "[[Saddest Heart in the World]]", where he whines repeatedly about his virginity and repeats some of the lyrics from "So Need a Cute Girl."
*According to an entry in [[CWC's Diary#2004|CWC's Diary]] from September [[2004]], Chris told his "Lonesome Virgin story" to a [[jerkop]] who interrupted his loitering at the mall.
*After he lost [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]], Chris sent an angry e-mail to Sony, where he announced "YET NOW I, A FRUSTRATED HIGH-FUNCTIONALLY AUTISTIC 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN, HAVE BEEN [[South Park|BALLZ-BROKEN]] LIKE I HAVE THROUGH A BIG CHUNK OF MY LIFE IN AMERICA'S FAVORITE GAME, "[[KICK THE AUTISTIC]]!" *[[sigh]]*"
*Likewise, his [[PSN blogs#4_August_2007_.E2.80.94_Adam_Stackhouse.21.21.21|PSN Blog]] update from after losing the contest includes the line "I am a FRUSTRATED, High-Functionally AUTISTIC, 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN."
*In Chris's first video address of the post-[[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]] era, [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]], he doesn't actually come out and bluntly announce that he's a virgin. [[CWC's Second Message]], however, hammers the point home. There, Chris calls himself "the innocent, still 26-year-old virgin."
*During his IRC fan chat from [[Chris's Sonichu IRC Chloe Introduction|26 October 2008]], Chris billed his fictitious new girlfriend [[Chloe]] as his "VIRGIN-TAKER."
*Chris's New Year's resolution for [[2009]], announced on [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC]]: "Lose my Virginity with a Woman." Like most people's New Year's resolutions, he failed to follow through.
*While molesting his blow-up doll in the [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy]] video from 17 [[April 2009]], Chris says, "Ivy, I promise you, I promise you my undying love and devotion, I promise you my heart, my soul, even my virginity..."
*Chris's [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|Wikipedia profile]] from [[May 2009]] includes multiple references to his virginity.
*In the [[CWC Trollin More]] video from 19 [[July 2009]], Chris announced that he was "still a virgin," retracting one of the more obvious lies in the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video.
*At the end of [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]], from 9 [[August 2009]], Chris sums up his achievements in life (including his [[Julie|trip to Ohio]]) and says that "the—only thing—mark that's not been checked yet for a good life is the virgin-breaker."
*One of Chris's posts on the [[Adult Swim posts|Adult Swim forums]] was signed "Lonely Virgin in Virginia, searching for a Sweetheart-Soulmate."
*In the [[Common Questions#15 January 2010|Common Questions]] from 15 [[January 2010]], a correspondent asked Chris why he was so fixated on sex. He answered, "Oh, I don't know, how about being a Frustrated Virgin?!"
*Chris's [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|plea for sex to Damian Antaria]], uploaded 14 [[March 2010]], features his standard whine about being "a 28-year-old high-functioning autistic virgin."
*The 2009 [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|COMEBACK!]]'' album has a song on it titled "[[CWC Like a Virgin]]".

==No longer a virgin (No word on the rage)==

[[Image:Virginbreaker.png|thumb|Chris bragging about how he paid for sex.]]

On 12 [[April 2012]], a leaked [[Facebook]] message depicted Chris as having finally lost his virginity. The post contained several points highly suggesting that Chris hired a prostitute:

* She compared him to the last guy she was with.
* She told him a [[Duck|blatant lie]] to make him feel good about himself.
* Perhaps the most telling of all, Chris said that his eventual 'Sweetheart-to-be' will find out about it, meaning that this was a [[Fuck Quest|one night stand]].

Roughly a month later, on 1 [[May 2012|May]], Chris wrote in a [https://www.facebook.com/notes/christian-weston-chandler/hey-trollies/283149358446217 Facebook note] that his virgin breaker could be found "somewhere on the backpage." Since Chris commonly uses [[Dating#Online_dating|the internet solicit sex]], it was generally assumed he was referring to [http://www.backpage.com Backpage.com]", a website well-known for featuring sex service ads.<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/19/opinion/kristof-not-quite-a-teen-yet-sold-for-sex.html?_r=1]</ref> This made it even more apparent that Chris resorted to paying for sex.

In a [[Open_Relationship_E-mails#The_Hooker_Story|leaked email sent to Renee]], Chris confirmed what everyone already knew; he hired an escort with the alias of [[Mia Hamm]] to take his virginity. Given that Chris practically had to bribe someone for his first time, all at the age of thirty, this brings a less-than-[[Giant Penis Comic|ideal]] conclusion to the virginal chapter of his ongoing [[Love Quest]] (which, despite his bragging, was [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|never an option he considered with any level of enthusiasm]]).

Incidentally, both prostitution and solicitation of prostitution are illegal in Virginia.<ref>[http://prostitution.procon.org/view.background-resource.php?resourceID=767]</ref> Therefore, Chris [[Chris and the Law|has committed yet another crime]].

==Aftermath==
Despite his hopes, losing his virginity does not appear to have made Chris any happier. His [[Twitter]] and Facebook updates in the weeks, months, and years since have shown him sliding deeper into depression. An April 2012 post on Twitter states, "The virgin-breaker was a Great Milestone for me, and it made me feel more self-confident, but still, it was One thing. I still require my Sweetheart. :_( ...<3"
By August 2013, Chris even mentioned that he was more stressful.

{{References}}
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Mia Hamm

2015-03-22T17:48:37Z

Gsbr: Renee didn't put Chris in contact with Mia.

{{Honest}}
{{taxpayermoney}}
[[File:Mia 002.jpg|thumb|Mia Hamm after reading this article.]]

'''Mia Hamm''' (born approx. [[1980s|1987 or 1988]]) is the pseudonym of the woman with whom [[Chris]] finally completed his [[Love Quest|Fuck Quest]] and relieved his status as a [[virgin with rage]]. Named after the [[wikipedia:Mia Hamm|former soccer player of the same name]], she is a hooker whom Chris found on "the backpage," referring to Backpage.com, a classified ads website with a sizable "adult" section.<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/19/opinion/kristof-not-quite-a-teen-yet-sold-for-sex.html?_r=1]</ref><ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20120523054531/http://charlottesville.backpage.com/FemaleEscorts/ Confirmation of Backpage]</ref> Chris paid for an hour with her, which cost him [[Chris and money|$150]] of his [[Monthly tugboat|tugboat]]. He had sex with her twice, once in [[April 2012]], and again [[May 2012|the following month]]. He chose to have intercourse with her despite [[Chris and hypocrisy|his previous statements that he would not hire a prostitute because it would render the act of sex meaningless]]. He did this because he was afraid of going to jail for [[28 October 2011|an incident]] that took place in [[October 2011]], though [[Chris and the Law|prostitution is also illegal in Virginia]].

The details about Mia were revealed publicly in a [[Open_Relationship_E-mails#The_Hooker_Story|text document]] Chris emailed Renee. The document was originally sent to an unidentified individual who provided Chris with Mia's Backpage ad.

==Description==
Chris describes Mia as a black-haired, blue-eyed woman of 24, although her ad claimed she was 20. She has an "average" figure with C-cup breasts. Her personality is described as "nice, likeable, and down to earth." She has [[un-clit|piercings]] on her lip, tongue, and nipples. She is half-[[Cherokee]] as well, which Chris enjoyed. Mia has two [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughters]] to a man who abandoned her. Given her young age and the fact that Chris states that she had them "years ago," this could possibly mean that Mia was a teenage mother. The girls stay with their grandmother. Mia travels from town-to-town and is attempting to get an education to give herself and her daughters a better future, and told Chris that her escort service is just "a quick spot of cash for her." Mia appears to have since quit the escort business, as she took her ad down on May 27,<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20120527155707/http://charlottesville.backpage.com/online/classifieds/AdNotFound?category=4443</ref> five days after her last known posting and no subsequent ads by her can be found.

==Chris's account of their meeting==
After finding her on Backpage, Chris arrived at the inn Mia was staying at at around 4:30 PM. Right away, Chris could tell that Mia had been smoking [[Tobacky|weed]], and that made him uncomfortable. He calmed down, however, after applying some [[Chris and health#Hygiene|hand sanitizer]]. They [[Nudes|stripped]] for each other, and "communicated good throughout." At Mia's insistence, Chris wore a green-apple-flavored [[raincoat|condom]]. She applied it to him with her mouth, and then began to give him a blowjob. Chris enjoyed it, and states that her tongue piercing added to the pleasure of the experience. Afterward, she laid beside Chris on the bed and they began feeling each other up. Chris described her [[china]] as feeling "really good," and he found her clitoris though Mia did not allow him to finger her. They began making out (without tongues), and then Chris gave her a massage that he also gives [[Barb]], which she enjoyed. Then, Chris informed her that he was ready for [[hanky-panky]]. He "requested Cowgirl, with possible missionary later," though this did not happen.

{{quote|Her pelvic thrusts were amazing; her pussy was tight, even after pushing two daughters out of there years ago. And I supported her thrusts with my hands on her knees, weaving back and forth. I also gave her [[Plush Breasts|breasts]] a good thrusting. I felt her front pelvic bone, which really made the top of the game. She came and I came, but on my coming, it was only half-felt. And the [[semen]] that was mostly outside, but a smidge on the outside of the condom, confirmed it.|Chris describing his first time}}

Afterward, Chris washed his [[duck]] with a [[Mass debating|washcloth]] he had brought with him. They spent the rest of their time conversing, and Chris gave Mia a gift basket, the contents of which are currently unknown. Mia told him a bit about her background, and Chris talked to her about the [[trolls]]. He also talked to her about ''[[Family Guy]]'' and ''[[South Park]]'' before her clock chimed, indicating that her next appointment was arriving. Chris promised that he would call her later, which he did at around 6:30. Mia had already finished with her next client, and told Chris that he was a disappointment to her. She said that the man's penis was smaller than Chris's and that it was a "wiener in a hallway" situation. Very soon after, Chris posted on [[Facebook]] that he was no longer a virgin. He taunted trolls with the fact that the only people who would ever know the full story would be himself, Mia (whose alias he did not mention), the person who put him in contact with her, and his future [[sweetheart]]. Apparently, [[Chris and reality|Chris sees no problem with telling a girlfriend that he had his first sexual encounter with a prostitute,]] [[Women's rights|and expects them to be completely okay with this]]. Chris saw her again the following month, though the details of their second encounter are unknown.

===Fantasy vs. Reality===
Given [[List of Chris's lies|what we know about Chris]], there is a strong possibility that this is not the [[TRUE and HONEST]] version of what happened. Chris paints himself as being unrealistically competent at sex for a virgin whose only prior knowledge of it comes from [[pornography]]. Additionally, Chris describes the incident as going off without a hitch, which is highly unlikely for a number of reasons, the most obvious of which is his horrifically bent [[duck]]. It is highly likely that Chris is omitting unflattering details or making up flattering ones to make himself look better. Chris's notion that Mia enjoyed the experience probably stems from the fact that prostitutes often pay their johns compliments, because it helps them make money to do so. Chris would probably be [[naïve]] enough to believe that she was being sincere, or he could just be telling himself that she was in order to serve his already massive [[ego]].

==See also==
* [[Hooker incident]] - Chris's first (and decidedly less pleasant) experience with hookers
* [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|Prostitution]]
* [[For Julie's Eyes Only]]- Chris's sex tape with [[Kimmi]]

{{References}}
{{Sweethearts}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]

Mia Hamm

2015-03-22T14:21:02Z

Gsbr: I found her ad on an archived version of Backpage, although it can't be accessed.

{{Honest}}
{{taxpayermoney}}
[[File:Mia 002.jpg|thumb|Mia Hamm after reading this article.]]

'''Mia Hamm''' (born approx. [[1980s|1987 or 1988]]) is the pseudonym of the woman with whom [[Chris]] finally completed his [[Love Quest|Fuck Quest]] and relieved his status as a [[virgin with rage]]. Named after the [[wikipedia:Mia Hamm|former soccer player of the same name]], she is a hooker whom Chris found on "the backpage," which most likely refers to Backpage.com, a classified ads website with a sizable "adult" section.<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/19/opinion/kristof-not-quite-a-teen-yet-sold-for-sex.html?_r=1]</ref> An archived version of Backpage confirms she was found on the site.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20120523054531/http://charlottesville.backpage.com/FemaleEscorts/</ref> Chris paid for an hour with her, which cost him [[Chris and money|$150]] of his [[Monthly tugboat|tugboat]]. He had sex with her twice, once in [[April 2012]], and again [[May 2012|the following month]]. He chose to have intercourse with her despite [[Chris and hypocrisy|his previous statements that he would not hire a prostitute because it would render the act of sex meaningless]]. He did this because he was afraid of going to jail for [[28 October 2011|an incident]] that took place in [[October 2011]], though [[Chris and the Law|prostitution is also illegal in Virginia]].

==Description==
Chris describes Mia as a black-haired, blue-eyed woman of 24, although her ad claimed she was 20. She has an "average" figure with C-cup breasts. Her personality is described as "nice, likeable, and down to earth." She has [[un-clit|piercings]] on her lip, tongue, and nipples. She is half-[[Cherokee]] as well, which Chris enjoyed. Mia has two [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughters]] to a man who abandoned her. Given her young age and the fact that Chris states that she had them "years ago," this could possibly mean that Mia was a teenage mother. The girls stay with their grandmother. Mia travels from town-to-town and is attempting to get an education to give herself and her daughters a better future, and told Chris that her escort service is just "a quick spot of cash for her."

==Chris's account of their meeting==
After finding her on Backpage, Chris arrived at the inn Mia was staying at at around 4:30 PM. Right away, Chris could tell that Mia had been smoking [[Tobacky|weed]], and that made him uncomfortable. He calmed down, however, after applying some [[Chris and health#Hygiene|hand sanitizer]]. They [[Nudes|stripped]] for each other, and "communicated good throughout." At Mia's insistence, Chris wore a green-apple-flavored [[raincoat|condom]]. She applied it to him with her mouth, and then began to give him a blowjob. Chris enjoyed it, and states that her tongue piercing added to the pleasure of the experience. Afterward, she laid beside Chris on the bed and they began feeling each other up. Chris described her [[china]] as feeling "really good," and he found her clitoris though Mia did not allow him to finger her. They began making out (without tongues), and then Chris gave her a massage that he also gives [[Barb]], which she enjoyed. Then, Chris informed her that he was ready for [[hanky-panky]]. He "requested Cowgirl, with possible missionary later," though this did not happen.

{{quote|Her pelvic thrusts were amazing; her pussy was tight, even after pushing two daughters out of there years ago. And I supported her thrusts with my hands on her knees, weaving back and forth. I also gave her [[Plush Breasts|breasts]] a good thrusting. I felt her front pelvic bone, which really made the top of the game. She came and I came, but on my coming, it was only half-felt. And the [[semen]] that was mostly outside, but a smidge on the outside of the condom, confirmed it.|Chris describing his first time}}

Afterward, Chris washed his [[duck]] with a [[Mass debating|washcloth]] he had brought with him. They spent the rest of their time conversing, and Chris gave Mia a gift basket, the contents of which are currently unknown. Mia told him a bit about her background, and Chris talked to her about the [[trolls]]. He also talked to her about ''[[Family Guy]]'' and ''[[South Park]]'' before her clock chimed, indicating that her next appointment was arriving. Chris promised that he would call her later, which he did at around 6:30. Mia had already finished with her next client, and told Chris that he was a disappointment to her. She said that the man's penis was smaller than Chris's and that it was a "wiener in a hallway" situation. Very soon after, Chris posted on [[Facebook]] that he was no longer a virgin. He taunted trolls with the fact that the only people who would ever know the full story would be himself, Mia (whose alias he did not mention), the person who put him in contact with her, and his future [[sweetheart]]. Apparently, [[Chris and reality|Chris sees no problem with telling a girlfriend that he had his first sexual encounter with a prostitute,]] [[Women's rights|and expects them to be completely okay with this]]. The details would later be leaked in a [[Open Relationship E-mails|series of e-mails with Renee]], the person who put Chris in contact with Mia. Chris saw her again the following month, though the details of their second encounter are unknown. Mia appears to have quit the escort business shortly afterwards, as she took her ad down on May 27,<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20120527155707/http://charlottesville.backpage.com/online/classifieds/AdNotFound?category=4443</ref> five days after her last known posting.

===Fantasy vs. Reality===
Given [[List of Chris's lies|what we know about Chris]], there is a strong possibility that this is not the [[TRUE and HONEST]] version of what happened. Chris paints himself as being unrealistically competent at sex for a virgin whose only prior knowledge of it comes from [[pornography]]. Additionally, Chris describes the incident as going off without a hitch, which is highly unlikely for a number of reasons, the most obvious of which is his horrifically bent [[duck]]. It is highly likely that Chris is omitting unflattering details or making up flattering ones to make himself look better. Chris's notion that Mia enjoyed the experience probably stems from the fact that prostitutes often pay their johns compliments, because it helps them make money to do so. Chris would probably be [[naïve]] enough to believe that she was being sincere, or he could just be telling himself that she was in order to serve his already massive [[ego]].

==See also==
* [[Hooker incident]] - Chris's first (and decidedly less pleasant) experience with hookers
* [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|Prostitution]]
* [[For Julie's Eyes Only]]- Chris's sex tape with [[Kimmi]]

{{References}}
{{Sweethearts}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]

Virgin with rage

2015-03-21T04:19:06Z

Gsbr: Cleaning up the information regarding the escort. The Facebook message didn't identify who she was.

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|Tell me why I'm stuck as a virgin with rage Tell me why I so need a cute girl my age|[[So Need a Cute Girl]]}}

[[Image:106-FrustratedVirgin.jpg|thumb|[[Autism|WHY?!]]]]

'''Virgin with rage''' was [[Chris]]'s description of himself whilst he was still a virgin. Chris claimed that when he was a virgin, his condition engendered [[stress|frustration]] and, well, [[rage]].

Chris was very self-conscious about being a virgin, and frequently brought up the subject unprompted, [[Honest Content|even in casual conversation]] with people he had only just met. However, after being advised by his parents that it wasn't a good idea to mention that he was a VIRGIN WITH RAGE, he stopped this practice,<ref>[[Chris-Chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris_in_Person_.28From_THEIR_Point_of_View.29]]</ref> one of [[Un-clit|the few times he has learned from his mistakes]].

In [[April 2012]], Chris wrote a message to [[Facebook]] claiming he had finally lost his virginity. It remains yet to be seen whether or not losing it will change anything, which it currently hasn't.

== Hormonal rage ==
Chris was extremely distressed about the possibility of being destined to be a virgin forever.

{{quote|Sometimes I would want to touch her shoulder or back, feel her hair or give her a hug. I hold those urges back, because I care about her. And to keep myself from flying crazily off the handle at a random time, I keep my hormones in check at least twice a week by myself.|Chris on [[Megan]], [[Story of My Current Days]].}}

Despite his claims that he was "holding back", the emails with [[Megan]] paint a different picture, describing instances of him doing exactly what he says he wouldn't, by giving her random and unwanted touches.<ref>[[Megan Emails, 2008]]</ref><ref>[[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q&A#Chris_and_Megan]]</ref>

In another instance, Chris attempted to kiss [[Emily]] by surprise, during an unusually generous hug, but she was able to avoid it, and left unscarred.<ref>[[Emily#Kiss_fail]]</ref>

Likewise, [[Facebook]] correspondence between Chris and a young man named Joshua Alba revealed this pearl:
{{quote|I've thought of a funny message for a Valentine's Day card. On the outside, "Please Be Mine," and on the inside, "My hormones are slam-banging, and I do not have a woman to put them in."

I am not a sex freak; I'm just lonesome and sometimes horny.|Chris, [[Facebook messages]], 10 January 2010.<ref>[[Facebook_messages#Other]]</ref>}}

==References by Chris==
*"[[So Need a Cute Girl]]", a song which Chris recorded in August [[2003]], features the first known use of the term "virgin with rage."
*Chris's letter to ''Nintendo Power'' about ''[[Sprung]]'' from the spring of 2004 concludes, "So thank you, [[Nintendo]] and Ubisoft, for the dating advice that this frustrated virgin needed."
*The first issue of ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]'' from [[2004]] featured Chris's poem "[[Saddest Heart in the World]]", where he whines repeatedly about his virginity and repeats some of the lyrics from "So Need a Cute Girl."
*According to an entry in [[CWC's Diary#2004|CWC's Diary]] from September [[2004]], Chris told his "Lonesome Virgin story" to a [[jerkop]] who interrupted his loitering at the mall.
*After he lost [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]], Chris sent an angry e-mail to Sony, where he announced "YET NOW I, A FRUSTRATED HIGH-FUNCTIONALLY AUTISTIC 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN, HAVE BEEN [[South Park|BALLZ-BROKEN]] LIKE I HAVE THROUGH A BIG CHUNK OF MY LIFE IN AMERICA'S FAVORITE GAME, "[[KICK THE AUTISTIC]]!" *[[sigh]]*"
*Likewise, his [[PSN blogs#4_August_2007_.E2.80.94_Adam_Stackhouse.21.21.21|PSN Blog]] update from after losing the contest includes the line "I am a FRUSTRATED, High-Functionally AUTISTIC, 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN."
*In Chris's first video address of the post-[[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]] era, [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]], he doesn't actually come out and bluntly announce that he's a virgin. [[CWC's Second Message]], however, hammers the point home. There, Chris calls himself "the innocent, still 26-year-old virgin."
*During his IRC fan chat from [[Chris's Sonichu IRC Chloe Introduction|26 October 2008]], Chris billed his fictitious new girlfriend [[Chloe]] as his "VIRGIN-TAKER."
*Chris's New Year's resolution for [[2009]], announced on [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC]]: "Lose my Virginity with a Woman." Like most people's New Year's resolutions, he failed to follow through.
*While molesting his blow-up doll in the [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy]] video from 17 [[April 2009]], Chris says, "Ivy, I promise you, I promise you my undying love and devotion, I promise you my heart, my soul, even my virginity..."
*Chris's [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|Wikipedia profile]] from [[May 2009]] includes multiple references to his virginity.
*In the [[CWC Trollin More]] video from 19 [[July 2009]], Chris announced that he was "still a virgin," retracting one of the more obvious lies in the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video.
*At the end of [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]], from 9 [[August 2009]], Chris sums up his achievements in life (including his [[Julie|trip to Ohio]]) and says that "the—only thing—mark that's not been checked yet for a good life is the virgin-breaker."
*One of Chris's posts on the [[Adult Swim posts|Adult Swim forums]] was signed "Lonely Virgin in Virginia, searching for a Sweetheart-Soulmate."
*In the [[Common Questions#15 January 2010|Common Questions]] from 15 [[January 2010]], a correspondent asked Chris why he was so fixated on sex. He answered, "Oh, I don't know, how about being a Frustrated Virgin?!"
*Chris's [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|plea for sex to Damian Antaria]], uploaded 14 [[March 2010]], features his standard whine about being "a 28-year-old high-functioning autistic virgin."
*The 2009 [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|COMEBACK!]]'' album has a song on it titled "[[CWC Like a Virgin]]".

==No longer a virgin (No word on the rage)==

[[Image:Virginbreaker.png|thumb|Chris bragging about how he paid for sex.]]

On 12 [[April 2012]], a leaked [[Facebook]] message depicted Chris as having finally lost his virginity. The post contained several points highly suggesting that Chris hired a prostitute:

* She compared him to the last guy she was with.
* She told him a [[Duck|blatant lie]] to make him feel good about himself.
* Perhaps the most telling of all, Chris said that his eventual 'Sweetheart-to-be' will find out about it, meaning that this was a [[Fuck Quest|one night stand]].

Roughly a month later, on 1 [[May 2012|May]], Chris wrote in a [https://www.facebook.com/notes/christian-weston-chandler/hey-trollies/283149358446217 Facebook note] that his virgin breaker could be found "somewhere on the backpage." Since Chris commonly uses [[Dating#Online_dating|the internet solicit sex]], it was generally assumed he was referring to [http://www.backpage.com Backpage.com]", a website well-known for featuring sex service ads.<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/19/opinion/kristof-not-quite-a-teen-yet-sold-for-sex.html?_r=1]</ref> This made it even more apparent that Chris resorted to paying for sex.

In an [[Open_Relationship_E-mails#The_Hooker_Story|leaked email sent to Renee]], Chris confirmed what everyone already knew; he hired an escort with the alias of [[Mia Hamm]] to take his virginity. Given that Chris practically had to bribe someone for his first time, all at the age of thirty, this brings a less-than-[[Giant Penis Comic|ideal]] conclusion to the virginal chapter of his ongoing [[Love Quest]] (which, despite his bragging, was [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|never an option he considered with any level of enthusiasm]]).

Incidentally, both prostitution and solicitation of prostitution are illegal in Virginia.<ref>[http://prostitution.procon.org/view.background-resource.php?resourceID=767]</ref> Therefore, Chris [[Chris and the Law|has committed yet another crime]].

==Aftermath==
Despite his hopes, losing his virginity does not appear to have made Chris any happier. His [[Twitter]] and Facebook updates in the weeks, months, and years since have shown him sliding deeper into depression. An April 2012 post on Twitter states, "The virgin-breaker was a Great Milestone for me, and it made me feel more self-confident, but still, it was One thing. I still require my Sweetheart. :_( ...<3"
By August 2013, Chris even mentioned that he was more stressful.

{{References}}
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Weens

2015-03-18T16:39:57Z

Gsbr: /* There are much better targets than Chris */ Aren't Neo-Nazis a type of hate group?

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|Fine, make sure you light one where I can see it. Now, I want you to put it in your hand, I wanna see you get burned, you fucking dick. I want to see you see you get burned! I wanna see you get a fuckin' third-degree burn, I WANNA SEE YOU LOSE A FUCKING FINGER!!! Oh, and after--after you, uh--after you, uh, burn it? Shove it up your ass. [pause] How does that sound, Chris? Sound like your idea of a good time? [...] Ah, interrogating autistics, it's so easy. It's so easy, especially with you, Chris. You. Dumb. Fuck. You make it all too easy. |[[BlueSpike]], [[Julie Reveals Herself|torturing Chris]] and giving a clear-cut perfect example of weening.}}

Rounding out the unholy trinity of [[white knights]] and [[A-Logging|A-Logs]], '''weens''' are several times as annoying as the previous two combined. Both a corruption of the phrase "epic win" and named after the [[wikipedia:Ween|experimental rock band]], weens are wannabe [[trolls]] who attempt to recreate the success of prominent trolls, but generally just embarrass themselves due to their lack of originality and wit. In other words, they're the hyperactive preteen cargo-cultists who annoy the ''shit'' out of non-weens with their [[Chris and art|complete lack of talent]] [[random-access humor|and insular sense of humor]].

Think we're exaggerating? Maybe a video or two will help get the point across.
<center>{{#ev:youtube|SZyS7SDVyMQ}} {{#ev:youtube|4yUUi2Qco5Q}}</center>

==What Weening consists of==
[[Image:epicweentrolling1.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT WEENS ACTUALLY BELIEVE.]]
[[Image:Furniggersmustdie.jpg|thumb|Typical ween art.]]
* Elaborate trolling plans.
* Prank calls to Chris's house and/or cellphone. Double dumbass points if it's just to yell "[[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAAAY, JULAAAAAAY!]]" into the phone.
* A-Logging. While not all weens are A-Logs and vice versa, the vast majority of these dumbasses are both. The original A-Log was as much of a ween as your average A-Log, what with his unfunny ''Mystery Science Theater 3000''-style "commentaries" that made people who make similar (and ''much'' better) videos do a collective ''Naked Gun''-style facepalm.
* [[Facebook]] stalking.
* Spamming Chris's [[Brassieres For Males|pro]][[Keep Sonic Original|test]] [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!|organizations]] with random pictures of [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic's]] [[Sonic Boom Protests|blue arms]].
* Scathing e-mails or letters.
* Attempting to contact and drag people who once interacted with Chris but have since cut off all ties with him--such as [[Megan]], [[Cole]] and [[the Wallflower]]--back into the spotlight.
* Terrible fanfiction that "wittily" deconstructs ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' as a saccharine dystopia. Sorry, folks, but ''[[Asperchu]]'' already did it; it's time to move on.
* Terrible fanfiction and fanart that focuses solely on murdering [[Sonichu]] characters--as seen in the picture below-right. Double dumbass points if focusing predominantly on the slaughter of [[Sonees and Roseys]].
* Terrible fanart of ''Sonichu'' that attempts to be wittily macabre by making it even more [[Chris and art|grotesque]], [[Episode 21|gory]], or [[Episode 17|perverse]] than it already was.
* Spouting tired old Chris memes in places where regular Christorians lurk.
* Spouting tired old Chris memes in places where most of the members aren't even familiar with Chris.
* Making frivolous or exaggerated claims of Chris's misconduct to sites like [[eBay]] or [[YouTube]].
* Spoiling Chris's legitimate attempts at participating in [[Chris and contests|contests]] or e-commerce.
* Making [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y87AvTrK9Dc terrible rap songs] about Chris that would make Vanilla Ice or Soulja Boy shake their heads.
* Any kind of trolling plan, really. But most notably...
* ...breaking the [[law]] in pursuit of [[Laughs Under Lucricities|lulz]], such as vandalizing Chris's [[14 Branchland Court|property]], illegally recording telephone conversations, stalking him or his mother, or [[Death threats|threatening him]] with violence or outright murder. We shouldn't have to say it, but for fuck's sake, people- '''DON'T DO THIS.'''

==Why you should avoid weening==
[[Image:REALChrisChanAndFriends.jpg|thumb|[[The Miscreants]], grateful to get away from all of the weens leeching off of their hard work.]]
Yeah, yeah, we know what you're thinking. You're not one of those try-hard [[BlueSpike|13-year old boys]] who think that screaming "'''JULAAAAAY!!!'''" at Chris is the height of wit. You've come up with a great plan to really get under Chris's skin, bring back the good old days, and whatnot. Whilst you may in fact be that guy, 99.9% of the time, you should just shitcan your trolling plans and move on with your life.

But why?

===There are much better targets than Chris===
If you're willing to put that much effort into trolling Chris, why not use that effort to choose a better victim? As much as the [[CWCki]] examines and discusses [[Tomgirl|his]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|numerous]] [[Semen|odd]] [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|behaviors]] and [[Chris and his Ego|per]][[Chris and reality|son]][[Chris and hypocrisy|ali]][[Chris and Remorse|ty]] [[Chris and anger|fla]][[Chris and race|ws]], Chris isn't even ''close'' to the bottom of the barrel of internet scumbags. [[Blanca Weiss|Abusive lovers]] and [[Borb|parents]], [[Joshua Martinez|scam artists]], [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|hate groups]], [[white knight|social justice warriors]], [[pedofork|pedophiles]], [[Allison Amber|corrupt politicians]] and [[4-cent_garbage.com|corporations]], [[Chris and religion|religious zealots]], [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|zoophiles]], [[Computer|malware writers]], and other assorted shitbirds are much more deserving of concentrated trolling than Chris will ever be.

Even if you don't give a shit about who the trollbait is as long as you get maximum enjoyment, the Chris of today just isn't as amenable to trolling as he used to be (discussed in further detail below). The amount of effort you would need to put into piercing his layers of white knights and paranoia would be staggering to say the least. Even if you do manage to bypass these obstacles, ''what is there left to do to him?'' Anything amusing about him has already been extracted from years of trolling and information gathering, except perhaps the odd [[CWC-ism]] he occasionally makes up or the occasional rant posted on Facebook. All that is left of him at this point is a withered husk of a lolcow; as much as you may try to milk it, you'll be lucky to get a few cobwebs and a layer of dust in return. With that in mind, you may as well just spend your time on another lolcow who hasn't been inured to years of deceit yet.

For most aspiring trolls, the only reason to pick Chris over any other Internet jackass is because he's relatively infamous even today, and you have a ready-made audience available to appreciate your supposedly-fine trolling efforts. But that's just you being lazy, not some trolling mastermind.

===The best trolls are chosen by fate===
With a couple of exceptions, the greatest trolls didn't even mean to get into professional trolling. BlueSpike never intended to create the [[Julie]] character; he just rolled with it when Chris assumed he was a girl because of his voice. [[Clyde Cash]] was an emergent meme and later a collective identity that spread from Chris [[Ryan Cash|jerking around his fanbase]]. [[Liquid Chris]] started out as a YouTube nobody who turned out to be surprisingly good at doing Chris impressions, and was eventually noticed by Chris himself out of the blue. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] thought that he was making a page on a run-of-the-mill lolcow and had no idea of the clusterfuck he was about to create. [[Ivy]] only contacted him to ask for a shout-out; she had no idea that Chris was going to latch onto her so hard.

The biggest factor in whether or not a trolling plan is successful is flat-out luck, so stop trying to commence shitty trolling plans. Planning really doesn't work with Chris.

==={{CURRENTYEAR}}'s Chris is not (quite) as gullible as he used to be===
Granted, almost no one on Earth is as [[naïve]] as 2007's Chris was. However, Chris has gradually learned that when he's contacted by people claiming to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], [[Prank calls#Batman Call|Batman]], [[Vanessa Hudgens]] or someone from his past, chances are he's just being trolled. In fact, the naivety of the younger Chris has been swapped for an extreme paranoia and distrust of anyone who tries to contact him, to the extent where he's even turned down legitimate attempts to get in touch by people he actually knew at [[high school]] or [[college]]. This especially took off when his [[Catherine|most recent sweetheart]] was revealed to be a fabrication, and hasn't been helped by weens--according to [[Seinor prom|senior]] trolls, Chris was once contacted by ''10 people'' at once, all of them claiming to be Megan.

Needless to say, he no longer responds to any random dork who contacts him, meaning that most trolling plans nowadays will fail to even get off the ground.

===Your idea is probably not original===
Whatever it is, it's probably been done before, and most likely better. It's pretty much impossible to top getting Chris to believe that the [[Miyamoto emails|President of Nintendo]] was interested in his work, that [[Vanessa Hudgens]] wanted to date him, or that there was a [[Liquid Chris|DANG, DIRTY IMPOSTER]] whom everyone else truly thought was the ''real'' Chris and stealing his richly deserved fame. By and large, most modern trolling plans tend to be some minor variation on something that's already been done, like ''"what if we got his [[high school ring]]?"'' or ''"what if we got him to see another stock parody of his comic?"'', so if the trolls have already done it, then Chris has already seen it, too.

===Weenery discourages Chris from producing content===
Most of Chris's content came from a time when he believed he had lots of fans and everyone, barring a few trolls here and there, loved him. The constant amount of epic weenery has made him think of himself as a victim who won't be able to do anything without being harassed. As a result, he's wised up and become far more private, meaning barely any content for us.

It is also worth mentioning that Chris produces better content by himself rather than due to being harassed by weens. Since his semi-retreat from the public eye after his father's death, Chris has been prosecuted [[28 October 2011|twi]][[26 December 2014|ce]], made outlandish conspiracy theories about [[Megan Schroeder|someone]] he hasn't even spoken to for years, accidentally set fire to his house, and swapped his [[Chris and fashion|already unappealing wardrobe]] for an [[Tomgirl Pictures|even worse one]]; all without any impetus from the trolls. Don't try and rush the master of [[Kick the Autistic|America's favorite game]].

===If you fail hard enough you will become a target for trolls===
Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto is ''the'' touchstone for trolling backfiring on the troll, and it's important to remember that he would never have attracted the attention of the internet if he had either toned down the vitriol, or at least reined himself in enough to make it less obvious that he was absolutely obsessed with attacking Chris. It was thereafter a fairly obvious leap in intuition to assume that someone with that level of hysteria and monomania over someone they had never even met in real life would have had some skeletons in their own closet.

By the same token, obsessive or excessive weenery is very likely to get you noticed by other trolls, who will in turn start trolling you because of that and anything else they notice, hoisting you on your own petard. In other words, it's akin to plugging in a big neon sign pointing the trolls straight to your collection of ''[[Dragon Ball Z|Goku]] x Anne Frank'' slash fiction and old ''Tiger Beat'' magazines with [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|boy bands]] mugging at the camera.

===Even if you do succeed, you may regret it later===
Sometimes, trolls that somehow manage to succeed in extracting lulz from Chris end up getting more than they bargained for. Liquid Chris is probably going to have to fend off accusations from people outside of the Chris-Chan bubble of tormenting what they would assume to be an emotionally-vulnerable autistic man for his own amusement for the rest of his life. BlueSpike will turn 30 someday, and even then he will still be thought of as the crazed, sadistic pervert who willingly listened to a [[slow-in-the-mind]] [[mass debate]] for hours on end and forced him to cram a broken [[CRAYOLA FUCKIN' MODEL MAGIC|clay]] [[medallion]] up his ass.

To add to the irony, people who didn't intentionally mean to upset Chris are still getting unwanted attention from weens. How much do you want to bet that [[Adam Stackhouse]] looks forward to seeing yet another ''"you prevented Chris from raping Megan, congrats!"'' message of many from some unoriginal ween? Do you think that [[Mary Lee Walsh]] enjoys seeing herself as a nubile anime blonde who exists solely to torment a [[virgin with rage]] every time she or her students uses Google? And do you think that [[Michael Snyder]] would like being constantly reminded by various weens of almost becoming the victim of [[28 October 2011|vehicular homicide]] in misguided attempts to congratulate him? In all these cases, the answer is a big, fat '''NO'''.

===Chris is still the undisputed trolling champion===
Lest that we think that the current drought in content is because of a shortage of trolling triggers, consider that we would be having a windfall in content of unprecedented magnitude right now, had Chris not given up on making frequent videos. A lot has happened over the last year or so, although you wouldn't know it from the intermittent updates. Chris had another [[Catherine|girlfriend]] whom he eventually discovered was fake, been led to believe his [[gal-pals]] never liked him, flushed down his [[eBay]] and commission money on [[Lego]], [[Destruction Of Chris's House|accidentally set his house alight]], and began what will probably be a long [[Sonic Boom Protests|crusade against blue arms]]. If Chris still had his old enthusiasm for content creation, we'd be utterly spoiled.

In fact, even in the "golden age" of trolling, many of Chris's most fondly-remembered moments had little or no active involvement from the trolls. Chris spilled the beans about his DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS during an IRC chat about a mostly unrelated subject. [[THAT IS MY HOUSE]] came out of the seemingly innocuous act of him [[House tour|videotaping the inside of his house]] and putting it up on YouTube. The events of [[28 October 2011]] would likely have taken much longer to come to light if not for Chris himself posting pictures of [[Michael Snyder]] and various other details to this very wiki within hours of him getting home from jail, and the same is true of the events of 26 December 2014. Chris's [[26 December 2014|macing of a GameStop employee]] was provoked by a minor change to a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|cartoon hedgehog]]'s design that was done by professional video game designers unaware of/unfettered by the vitriol they'd receive from Chris in turn. And one can only imagine what on Earth possessed him to not only draw [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]], but to post it online and [[Madman Rising|proudly proclaim]] that it depicted Megan, one of the few real friends he's ever had.

Chris is so good at turning his own life into a rolling disaster that not even the triumphant return of Clyde Cash could top how he's trolling himself. So just sit back, relax, and [[CWCki|enjoy the show]].

==See also==
* [[Trolls]] - Examples of doing it right.
* [[A-Logging]] - Examples of doing it wrong.
* [[Michael Snyder]] / [[Adam Stackhouse]] / [[Mary Lee Walsh]] - Examples of doing it by complete accident.

[[Category:Trolling]]

Virgin with rage

2015-03-18T16:37:00Z

Gsbr:

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|Tell me why I'm stuck as a virgin with rage Tell me why I so need a cute girl my age|[[So Need a Cute Girl]]}}

[[Image:106-FrustratedVirgin.jpg|thumb|[[Autism|WHY?!]]]]

'''Virgin with rage''' was [[Chris]]'s description of himself whilst he was still a virgin. Chris claimed that when he was a virgin, his condition engendered [[stress|frustration]] and [[rage]].

Chris was very self-conscious about being a virgin, and frequently brought up the subject unprompted, even in casual conversation with people he had only just met. However, after being advised by his parents that it wasn't a good idea to mention that he was a VIRGIN WITH RAGE, he stopped this practice,<ref>[[Chris-Chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris_in_Person_.28From_THEIR_Point_of_View.29]]</ref> one of the few times he has learned from his mistakes.

On April 2012, Chris wrote a message to [[Facebook]] claiming he had finally lost his hated virginity. It remains yet to be seen whether or not losing it will change anything. ''('''SPOILER:''' It hasn't.)''

== Hormonal rage ==
Chris was extremely distressed about the possibility of being destined to be a virgin forever.

{{quote|Sometimes I would want to touch her shoulder or back, feel her hair or give her a hug. I hold those urges back, because I care about her. And to keep myself from flying crazily off the handle at a random time, I keep my hormones in check at least twice a week by myself.|Chris on [[Megan]], [[Story of My Current Days]].}}

Despite his claims that he was "holding back", the emails with [[Megan]] paint a different picture, describing instances of him doing exactly what he says he wouldn't, by giving her random and unwanted touches.<ref>[[Megan Emails, 2008]]</ref><ref>[[Mimms_and_Lucas_Q&A#Chris_and_Megan]]</ref>

In another instance, Chris attempted to kiss [[Emily]] by surprise, during an unusually generous hug, but she was able to avoid it, and left unscarred.<ref>[[Emily#Kiss_fail]]</ref>

Likewise, [[Facebook]] correspondence between Chris and a young man named Joshua Alba revealed this pearl:
{{quote|I've thought of a funny message for a Valentine's Day card. On the outside, "Please Be Mine," and on the inside, "My hormones are slam-banging, and I do not have a woman to put them in."

I am not a sex freak; I'm just lonesome and sometimes horny.|Chris, [[Facebook messages]], 10 January 2010.<ref>[[Facebook_messages#Other]]</ref>}}

==References by Chris==
*"[[So Need a Cute Girl]]", a song which Chris recorded in August [[2003]], features the first known use of the term "virgin with rage."
*Chris's letter to ''Nintendo Power'' about ''[[Sprung]]'' from the spring of 2004 concludes, "So thank you, [[Nintendo]] and Ubisoft, for the dating advice that this frustrated virgin needed."
*The first issue of ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]'' from [[2004]] featured Chris's poem "[[Saddest Heart in the World]]", where he whines repeatedly about his virginity and repeats some of the lyrics from "So Need a Cute Girl."
*According to an entry in [[CWC's Diary#2004|CWC's Diary]] from September [[2004]], Chris told his "Lonesome Virgin story" to a [[jerkop]] who interrupted his loitering at the mall.
*After he lost [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]], Chris sent an angry e-mail to Sony, where he announced "YET NOW I, A FRUSTRATED HIGH-FUNCTIONALLY AUTISTIC 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN, HAVE BEEN [[South Park|BALLZ-BROKEN]] LIKE I HAVE THROUGH A BIG CHUNK OF MY LIFE IN AMERICA'S FAVORITE GAME, "[[KICK THE AUTISTIC]]!" *[[sigh]]*"
*Likewise, his [[PSN blogs#4_August_2007_.E2.80.94_Adam_Stackhouse.21.21.21|PSN Blog]] update from after losing the contest includes the line "I am a FRUSTRATED, High-Functionally AUTISTIC, 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN."
*In Chris's first video address of the post-[[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]] era, [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]], he doesn't actually come out and bluntly announce that he's a virgin. [[CWC's Second Message]], however, hammers the point home. There, Chris calls himself "the innocent, still 26-year-old virgin."
*During his IRC fan chat from [[Chris's Sonichu IRC Chloe Introduction|26 October 2008]], Chris billed his fictitious new girlfriend [[Chloe]] as his "VIRGIN-TAKER."
*Chris's New Year's resolution for [[2009]], announced on [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC]]: "Lose my Virginity with a Woman." Like most people's New Year's resolutions, he failed to follow through.
*While molesting his blow-up doll in the [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy]] video from 17 [[April 2009]], Chris says, "Ivy, I promise you, I promise you my undying love and devotion, I promise you my heart, my soul, even my virginity..."
*Chris's [[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile|Wikipedia profile]] from [[May 2009]] includes multiple references to his virginity.
*In the [[CWC Trollin More]] video from 19 [[July 2009]], Chris announced that he was "still a virgin," retracting one of the more obvious lies in the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video.
*At the end of [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]], from 9 [[August 2009]], Chris sums up his achievements in life (including his [[Julie|trip to Ohio]]) and says that "the—only thing—mark that's not been checked yet for a good life is the virgin-breaker."
*One of Chris's posts on the [[Adult Swim posts|Adult Swim forums]] was signed "Lonely Virgin in Virginia, searching for a Sweetheart-Soulmate."
*In the [[Common Questions#15 January 2010|Common Questions]] from 15 [[January 2010]], a correspondent asked Chris why he was so fixated on sex. He answered, "Oh, I don't know, how about being a Frustrated Virgin?!"
*Chris's [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|plea for sex to Damian Antaria]], uploaded 14 [[March 2010]], features his standard whine about being "a 28-year-old high-functioning autistic virgin."
*The 2009 [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|COMEBACK!]]'' album has a song on it titled "[[CWC Like a Virgin]]".

==No longer a virgin (No word on the rage)==

[[Image:Virginbreaker.png|thumb|Chris bragging about how he paid for sex.]]

On 12 [[April 2012]] a leaked [[Facebook]] message depicted Chris as having finally lost his virginity. The post contains several points highly suggesting that Chris has hired a [[Mia Hamm|prostitute]]:

* She compared him to the last guy she was with.
* She told him a [[Duck|blatant lie]] to make him feel good about himself.
* Perhaps the most telling of all, Chris said that his eventual 'Sweetheart-to-be' will find out about it, meaning that this was a [[Fuck Quest|one night stand]].

Roughly a month later, on 1 [[May 2012|May]], Chris wrote in a [[Facebook#Hey, Trollies|Facebook note]] that his virgin breaker can be found "somewhere on the [http://www.backpage.com backpage]." This could refer to Backpage.com, a popular classified ads website with a sizable "adult" section, or it could refer to the literal back pages of a weekly newspaper, which are often home to ads for escorts.<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/19/opinion/kristof-not-quite-a-teen-yet-sold-for-sex.html?_r=1]</ref> Given that Chris practically had to bribe someone for his first time, all at the age of thirty, this brings about a less-than-[[Giant Penis Comic|ideal]] conclusion to the virginal chapter of his ongoing [[Love Quest]] (which, despite his bragging, was [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|never an option he considered with any level of enthusiasm]]).

Both prostitution and solicitation of prostitution are illegal in Virginia.<ref>[http://prostitution.procon.org/view.background-resource.php?resourceID=767]</ref> Therefore, Chris is either [[List of Chris's lies|lying]] or [[Chris and the Law|has committed yet another crime]].

==Aftermath==
Despite his hopes, losing his virginity does not appear to have made Chris any happier. His [[Twitter]] and Facebook updates in the weeks, months, and years since have shown him sliding deeper into depression. An April 2012 post on Twitter states, "The virgin-breaker was a Great Milestone for me, and it made me feel more self-confident, but still, it was One thing. I still require my Sweetheart. :_( ...<3"
By August 2013, Chris even mentioned that he was more stressful.

{{References}}
{{Love quest}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

User:Gsbr

2015-03-18T16:33:14Z

Gsbr: Created page with "Image:Janekops.jpg"

[[Image:Janekops.jpg]]

28 October 2011

2014-12-31T18:35:40Z

Gsbr: /* See also */

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{clear}}
[[File:GuiltyInnocense.jpg|thumb|[[TRUE and HONEST]] artist's depiction.]]

On '''28 October 2011''', a date which will live in infamy, [[The GAMe PLACe]] was suddenly and deliberately attacked by forces of the City of [[CWCville]]. On that fateful Friday evening, at around 5:20 p.m.,<ref>Based on metadata from Chris's photos.</ref> [[Chris]] and [[Barbara]] visited the GAMe PLACe, where Chris has been banned since [[2008]]. Chris took a photo of the store and then two of owner [[Michael Snyder]] in the parking lot. All hell broke loose when Chris and Barbara allegedly each hit Michael once with their car. When the [[Jerkop]]s arrived, Chris and Barb assaulted them during the arrest.

Chris and Barb were charged with a Class 5 Felony, which entails "a term of imprisonment of not less than one year nor more than 10 years, and [...] a fine of not more than $2,500."<ref>http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/18.2-10.HTM</ref> They were bonded out on 29 October,<ref>https://www.vinelink.com/vinelink/detailsAction.do?siteId=47000&agency=228&id=323013&searchType=offender</ref><ref>https://www.vinelink.com/vinelink/detailsAction.do?siteId=47000&agency=228&id=125674&searchType=offender</ref> with Chris's initial hearing taking place one week after Barb's.

The Chandlers were represented in court by [[Wikipedia:Rob_Bell_(Virginia_politician)|Rob Bell]], a Republican member of the [[Virginia]] House of Delegates. On 10 July 2012, a plea bargain was reached. Barbara was sentenced to community service and two years of probation. Chris was sentenced to community service, one year of probation, and mandatory [[Chris and psychology|psychiatric]] treatment and evaluation. They must also pay Michael Snyder's medical expenses.

== The charges ==
Below are the charges brought against both Barbara and Chris, along with details and court dates based on the details from the [http://epwsgdp1.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/captchaVerification.do?landing=landing General District Court Online Case Information System] & [http://wasdmz2.courts.state.va.us/CJISWeb/circuit.html Charlottesville City Circuit Online Case Information].

===Barbara's===
* '''FAIL STOP ACCIDENT > $1000 FEL''' (§ 46.2-894. Duty of driver to stop, etc., in event of accident involving injury or death or damage to attended property; penalty.<ref name="a">http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+46.2-894</ref>)
** Class 5 Felony charge - Failing to stop after an accident where the damage exceeds $1,000 in value, from [[This is how the Trial went|hitting Snyder with the vehicle.]]
* '''ASSLT: ON LAW ENF/DOC PERSON''' (§ 18.2-57. Assault and battery.<ref name="b">http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+18.2-57</ref>)
** Class 6 Felony charge - Assaulting a law enforcement official. This occurred when Barb attempted to prevent the police from arresting Chris.

==== Court dates ====
* 31 October 2011 - Appeared in court to be formally charged.
* 15 December 2011 - 1:00pm - Judge Robert Downer Jr. granted a continuance for both Chris and Barb's charges.
* 5 January 2012 - 1:00pm - Yet another continuance.
* 5 April 2012 - 1:00pm - Another hearing. Both felonies go to a grand jury at Circuit Court.
* 16 April 2012 - 9:30am - Indicted on both felony charges.
* 10 July 2012 - 2:00pm - Arraignment.

===Chris's===
* '''FAIL STOP ACCIDENT > $1000 FEL''' (§ 46.2-894. Duty of driver to stop, etc., in event of accident involving injury or death or damage to attended property; penalty.<ref name="a" />)
** Class 5 Felony charge - Failing to stop after an accident where the damage exceeds $1,000 in value, from [[This is how the Trial went|hitting Snyder with the vehicle.]]
* '''ASSAULT: (MISDEMEANOR)''' (§ 18.2-57. Assault and battery.<ref name="b" />)
** Class 1 Misdemeanor charge - Attempted or actual assault against another person, perhaps [[Michael Snyder|Snyder]].
* '''TRESPASS AFTER FORBIDDEN''' (§ 18.2-119. Trespass after having been forbidden to do so; penalties.<ref>http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+18.2-119</ref>)
** Class 1 Misdemeanor charge - Trespassing on land or within an area from which the offender is forbidden, no doubt due to setting foot in The GAMe PLACe.

==== Court dates ====
* 7 November 2011 - Appeared in court to be formally charged.
* 15 December 2011 - 1:00pm - Judge Robert Downer Jr. granted a continuance (postponement) for both Chris and Barb's charges.
* 5 January 2012 - 1:00pm - Yet another continuance.
* 5 April 2012 - 1:00pm - Another hearing. [[Wikipedia:Nolle prosequi|Nolle prosequi]] on the trespass and assault; the failure to stop goes to Circuit Court.
* 16 April 2012 - 9:30am - Indicted on the felony charge.
* 10 July 2012 - 2:00pm - Arraignment.

== Civil suit ==
Michael Snyder also filled a civil suit against both Chris and Barb on 1 November 2011, 4 days after the incident. Barb attended a second hearing on 14 November, a third took place on 15 December, at the same time as her criminal case hearing, and a fourth occurred on 5 January at 1:00 PM.

Chris' case at one point read 'Other Judgement', however, it appears to have been open again. Presumably, Chris appeared again in court on 5 January 2012 at 2:15 PM, shortly after his criminal hearing.

Before the court hearing, Michael Snyder requested and received a Preliminary Protective Order against both Chris and Barbara. This order is similar to a restraining order, and prohibits Chris or Barb from contacting Michael or engaging in any threatening behavior towards him before the hearing. The order lasts for 15 days.<ref>http://www.dcjs.virginia.gov/victims/documents/podomesticviolence.pdf</ref>

On 5 April, Snyder was awarded full Protection Orders against both Chris and Barbara. A Protection Order can last up to two years and violation of the Protection Order can result in both civil and criminal charges.

No further information on the civil suit has emerged since then, and with the Chandlers having been ordered to pay Snyder's medical bills as part of their plea bargain, it seems likely that the suit will not proceed any further.

== Chris retaliates ==

On 4 November, soon after being bailed out of jail, Chris uploaded the pictures he took of Michael Snyder on the 28th to the [[CWCki]], plastering them on the front page and the page on Michael.<ref>[[Special:Contributions/Christianchandler]]</ref> In the image descriptions, Chris [[Chris and hypocrisy|taunted Snyder for his]] [[obesity]] and claimed that he [[Pedofork|molests children]].

In the February [[Facebook]] leaks, Chris stated 'After October 28, 2011; I now have TOTAL Disrespect and Miscontent of the so-called "Officers of the Badge"' as opposed only to those in colors other than blue and black. He also produced 50 copies of a flyer calling the GAMe PLACe a "Cyber bullies' hang-out" and encouraging people to stay far away which he then left around his usual attraction locations. This led to another run in with [[Jerkops]]; Chris escaped by "hiding and weaving around the parked cars" and by driving a Mistubishi as opposed to [[Son-Chu]].

== Arraignment, plea bargain, and sentencing ==

The arraignments took place on 10 July. Two CWCki Forum members named Cyan and Indigo went to the courthouse and afterwards [[This is how the Trial went|recounted the proceedings]].

A plea bargain was settled upon because Michael did not want Chris and Barb to be stuck with felony charges. Rob Bell said that despite this, Chris and Barb maintain their version of the events as accurate. Before Chris's turn to speak, Bell referred to him as "high-functioning autistic" and then as an "adult autistic child", much to the chagrin of Chris. When the judge asked Chris if he understood that he had to pay Michael's medical expenses, Chris replied something along the lines of, "Yes, but I don't think that thieving/bribing liar deserves a red cent!" He then begrudgingly pleaded guilty.

Barbara was sentenced to community service and two years of probation; Chris was sentenced to community service, one year of probation, and mandatory psychological treatment and evaluation, plus jail time unless he complies.<ref>http://pastebin.com/jD4zAfX3</ref>

The next day, Chris wrote a note on [[Facebook#You WILL be brought in!|Facebook]] confirming Cyan and Indigo's report. Chris claimed that Rob Bell confronted the two "trolls" and that the trolls will get arrested.

==Email?==
Someone purporting to be in contact with Chris leaked an email, supposedly from Chris himself, shedding some light on the events of October 28. While the validity of the email is disputed, [[Surfshack Tito]] confirmed on [[/cwc/]] that the events of October 28 are basically the same as that described in the email.

{{quotebox|1=
I tell about us two landing in jail. During a usual, yettiring, shopping outting with [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]], we had just stopped at the [[Wikipedia:Salvation Army|Salvation Army]] story on Cherry Ave and left with a few purchases. She impulsively asked
to go to the SPCA Rummage Sale, and I ended up taking 4 St. NW to stop by the [[McDonalds]] there for a cup of tea to go, when at the PLACe, now known as "C-Ville Game & Hobby" (status unchanged on the PLACe website), mom and I read the sign on the window that led me to an occurrence I was waiting for, the PLACe under New Ownership (with [[Destruction Of Chris's House|burning it down]] [[Death threats|being the alternative]]).

So, I continue ahead for the tea, and mom asked for a smoothie. On an impulse of the newfound piece of freedom, I drove back to the PLACe, upon closer inspection, I read the "New Owner" sign further, stating, "Under New Ownership of Mike & Madeline"; I had thought, [[Honor roll|perhaps it was another Mike]]. Mom insisted on coming in with me, so we did, and a few steps in, who did our eyes see in the new center counter, past employee Nathan, and Michael Snyder.

I hid behind my mother for a moment, and Mike pointed us out the door, but before leaving, I whipped out my [[3DS]], activated its camera and took his photo, then I shouted, "For [[the Internet]]". Mom and I made our way to the van and entered it; Mike followed us out, and Stood right in front of the van, thinking he was Stonewall Jackson. We backed up the van some; Mike chased us. Mom took the wheel; [[Chris and reality|Mike twice made his own deliberate leg scars, rubbing his legs on our bumper, banged our hood and fell backwards; we had NOT moved our van at either instance of him faking his falls.]]

And more shit happened. Mom called [[Jerkop|911]] on my phone first (followed shortly after by Mike being handed a phone by someone else for him to make his call. Eventually, mother backed us out onto 4 St. NW, northward, and we escaped. But at the traffic light, we were caught up by a [[Decepti-Clones|cop car]]. Parked at the nearby courthouse, two of the cop cars, and us in the van, exchanged the tales of the event and our driver licenses. Eventually, I was asked to step out of the van; I was about to be handcuffed, but I would not have another handcuffing, so I fought, I was pinned, and I was handcuffed.

My NEW pair of [[Chris and money|$324]] Rx lens [[glasses]] were broken by THEM in the fight. My mother fought the police in my defense, and she was handcuffed and I was emotionally distraught, I screamed and Screamed and SCREAMED, until an ambulance came for my mother to take her to UVA Hospital; she was okay, but her [[Obesity|Blood Pressure]] was high. I was driven to, entered and thrown into a cell block. At first for a while, I was as melodramatic and sane as [[Beavis and Butt-head|Daria]], then I started going crazy, I shouted television talk and songs at random; [[Muscle bra|took off my shirt]] due to the heat; pretended to be a [[Wikipedia:Jeanie with the Light Brown Hair|genie with light brown hair]] for a while, and made an acquaintance with the stainless steel sink with a hex-shaped bowl.

I prayed a LOT to [[Jesus]] for my release and safe return home with my mother. And I banged the cell door with both my feet while lying on a folding mattress on the floor (to get those bastards to let me see and talk to my mother Eventually, my mother arrived, tried to post bail, but there were errors. [[Rocky]] was called to help us, BLESS her and her husband soo much. Then my mother was jumpsuited and jailed; I was too shortly before. And I was moved to two other cells. Only after seeing my mother in her suit pass by my second cell, did I start to calm down. I was REALLY WORRIED about my mother and her health. She Needed Me, and I Needed Her. Eventually in cell 3, I dozed off and slept for a few hours. I did not eat their food; I had Never eaten Prison Food, and I was NOT going to start then. About 3 PM on the 29th, mom and I were released, and Rocky and her husband drove us back to our van.

Now mom and I each have our own courthouse dates. I'm sure mom will be only fined, but I have the worse of cases. Mom and I, we are certain I will be found not guilty; it was a case of a Deliberate Deception, with the "New Ownership" sign from Michael, and my falling for his trap. I later printed out the facts of Mike from the [[Cwcki]] that night, and I found the "CWC Michael Snyder Interview" video on [[YouTube]], where the clown-faced troll called Mike; Michael Snyder CONFESSES to Wanting to lure me in and land me in jail with a "[[Pokemon]] Tournament on the 22nd".

I have streamed from my [[PS3]] to my Laptop to get an MP4 of the video, and to burn the video onto a DVD-R. [[Chris and reality|With this great amount of evidence, we will find Michael Guilty of being a Troll/Cyber Bully among those who have been pestering, deceiving, tricking, blackmailing, etc, me for about 4 years now.]]

That's the story I share with you, REDACTED, in Strictest Confidence; DO NOT TELL ANYONE, PLEASE. [[Homos|Do not ask; Do not tell]]; Barbara and I are working diligently to deal with this. Currently, her court date is set on 12/15; mine is yet to be determined on 11/7, but it'll probably be on the same day as my mother's.

We have also been blessed with connections from Rocky at my church to have Robert B. Bell, Delegate, Republican, Methodist Esquire to represent Barbara and me in both of our cases. It may help to have you come in for support on my trial, and as a character witness. I will send you an update later on.

Stay Safe, REDACTED,

Christian W. Chandler<ref>http://pastebin.com/Tm9EMppU</ref>
}}

== Chris's photos ==
<gallery>
File:HNI 0020.JPG|Chris's photo of The GAMe PLACe; note that everyone is looking at the camera
File:HNI 0021.JPG|Chris's photograph of Michael Snyder
File:HNI 0022.JPG|Chris's second photograph of Michael Snyder
</gallery>

== Screenshots ==
<gallery>
File:28 Oct 2011 Barb1.png|Barb's failure to stop felony charge
File:28 Oct 2011 Barb2.png|Barb's felony assault on a police officer charge
File:28 Oct 2011 Chris1.png|Chris's failure to stop felony charge
File:28 Oct 2011 Chris2.png|Chris's misdemeanor assault charge
File:28 Oct 2011 Chris3.png|Chris's trespass misdemeanor charge
File:Chriscivil29.png|Michael Snyder's civil suit against Chris
File:Barbcivil29.png|Michael Snyder's civil suit against Barbara
File:PO-BARB.png|Michael Snyder's protection order against Barb.
File:PO-CHRIS.png|Michael Snyder's protection order against Chris.
File:ChrisCourtCase.JPG|Updated court info on 5 [[September 2013]].
</gallery>

==Fan art ==
<gallery>
File:Chris mug.jpg|Artist's depiction of Chris's mugshot.
File:Chris joker.jpg| Why so serious?
File:TheJoker.png|Oh dear...
File:Chris court sketch.png| An artist provides a theoretical court sketch.
File:RAPSHT-P1.jpg| An artist compiled Chris's crimes onto a rap sheet. (Page 1/2)
File:RAPSHT-P2.jpg| An artist compiled Chris's crimes onto a rap sheet. (Page 2/2)
</gallery>

==References==
<references />

== See also ==
*[[This is how the Trial went]], reports from the courthouse
*[[6 June 2010]], a previous altercation with Michael Snyder
*[[26 December 2014]], a later incident that got Chris arrested
*[[Chris and the Law]]

[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:The GAMe PLACe]]

WeighIn

2014-09-27T16:51:50Z

Gsbr:

'''WeighIn''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 25 [[October 2010]], in which Chris, to the surprise of us all, steps on a scale to weigh himself. The scale gives a weight of 216 lb (15 st 6 lb / 98 kg). There is some speculation as to whether or not Chris offset the scale, but in any case, it didn't do any good; based on [[Wikipedia:Body mass index|BMI]], this weight implies that he is [[obesity|obese]] for a man of even his claimed height (5'10" / 178 cm).<ref>Chris claims to be 5'10" on his [[The Hook Cafe#Characteristics|dating]] [[Match.com#SonichuCWC_profile_text|profiles]], although considering how he lies about his other physical attributes and [http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-biggest-lies-in-online-dating/ men in general are dishonest about their height], he's probably shorter. His BMI can be calculated [http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi_scripts/bmi_udaim.pl?htf=5&hti=10&wt=216&scale=english&submit_e=Submit on this website].</ref> Admittedly, BMI is a flawed metric, which doesn't take into account muscle mass or build, but in any case Chris has [[Power|almost]] [[I AM STRONG|no]] [[51 50|muscles]] and has quite a thin build.

It is also revealed that Chris is wearing blue Crayola Model Magic around the bridge of his [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]].

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = WeighIn
| video = {{#ev:youtube|e9eT2CLp5pc}}
| stardate = 25 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Power|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| shirt = {{RedBlueShirt|text}}
| previous = [[DayOut#At_Least_My_Face_Is_Not_F3c7ing_Orange|At Least My Face Is Not F3c7ing Orange]]
| next = [[FullHouse]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
Here is the official weigh-in on Sunday, September twenty- [[October 2010|October 24th 2010]].

[''Aims camera, jerkily, at scale readout.'']

If I can stay still long enough.

Hmmm.

Anyway it says 216.

[''Speaks into the camera again. His [[glasses]] are now on his face and the bridge appears to be wrapped in tape.'']

Currently I'm 216 pounds.

== See Also ==
[[Obesity]]

== References ==
<references/>

{{Power videos}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[DayOut]]|nextlink=[[FullHouse]]}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Jacklyn's Naughty No Trick, All Treat, 31 Days of Halloween Contest| 2010-10-25 e]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, October 2010| 2010-10-25 e]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos| 2010-10-25 e]]

Obesity

2014-09-27T16:30:19Z

Gsbr: /* Actual weight */

[[Image:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|[[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki#Christianchandler|Look at his "slender" figure.]]]]
[[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|thumb|180px|The Atkins Diet apparently didn't work on [[Barb]].]]

{{quote|One more thing, [[Chris and reality|I AM NOT OVERWEIGHT!!!!!!!!!]]|Chris, lying to [[White knight emails|White Knight]]}}
{{Quote|I do not feel good hearing remarks or comments that have relation to my gut.|Chris to [[Jackie]]<ref>[[Jackie Chat 6]]</ref>}}

'''Obesity''' is perceived to be a worldwide epidemic, especially in the [[USA]], with about 65% of adults overweight and 26% obese. This is especially apparent in the [[14 Branchland Court|Chandler home]], in which 100% of its residents are fat: [[Chris]], [[Barbara]], and even their cat, [[Chandler Cats#Desi|Desi]].

Chris seems to be in denial about his own obesity. His denial is evidenced by the fact that he portrays himself as [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|a slim, barrel-chested hero]] in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]] and in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], when he describes himself as "fit as a fiddle." Furthermore, in his numerous dating profiles discovered by the trolls, he often lists himself as having an "athletic build" or at the very least having weight that is proportionate to his height.

Another example of this was when he created a character for his comics named [[Sammy]], whom Chris stated is based off him when he "temporary gained weight, became stupid, and went to watch television at ghost command," even though he has always been this way. Except, y'know, for the Ghost Command part. But [[Chris and reality|that's]] a whole other problem.

Further cementing his obesity, on [[October 2011|October 2nd, 2011]], Chris's voluptuous manboobs won an award on [http://www.manboobs.co.uk/submissions/manboob_of_the_month manboobs.co.uk].

== Exercise ==
[[Image:Cwcspin.gif|right|Exercise]]

Chris believes that exercise involves standing up without moving, and thus considers playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' a workout. During one of his [[PSN]] chats with Julie, when asked to exercise more, he replied, "I'll stand up more". It is not known how Chris came to believe that standing up is exercise, but it is most likely that Chris is simply extremely lazy and will lie to say that he works out every day, even though he just plays [[Video games|vidya]]. It's possible he's picked it up from health tips that say standing burns more calories than sitting down,<ref>http://www.rd.com/living-healthy/8-ways-to-burn-calories-without-noticing/article16261.html ''Reader's Digest.'' See tip #3</ref><ref>http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/office-exercise/SM00115 ''Mayo Clinic.'' See tip #2</ref> but rather than use such tips to get the most out of an already busy lifestyle, he substitutes it for actual exercise altogether. It's also entirely possible he's in such terrible shape that the simple act of standing tires him as much as an actual workout would tire a normal human being.

[[Emily]] has said Chris power-walks around his neighborhood for thirty minutes and claims it's two miles (3 km), then claims to jog for two or three minutes every walk. She then went on to say Chris doesn't know how to jog — he thinks you either walk or run full tilt. It's safe to say he tries to run at "[[Sonic]] speed" for ten seconds, then resumes his leisurely waddle. This theory is confirmed in [[Sonichu's Edge]].

In [[Mailbag 21]], Chris claimed that he planned on investing in a gym membership. Judging by photographs and videos from subsequent months, either he lied or he wasted his money.

== Diet ==
Another contribution to Chris' obesity is the stuff he eats. Chris' [[McDonald's|diet]] is appalling, consisting mainly of fast food and other unhealthy stuff. While it would be acceptable if he treated himself to that stuff occasionally, there's no question that it's a staple of his diet. The sheer amount of calories he consumes, coupled with his laziness, means that he's carrying around enough extra mass to make another person. His diet will most likely also cause problems other than obesity.

== Actual weight ==

In a [[Diary]] entry from 20 July 2005, Chris reported that his weight at the time was 180 pounds.<ref>[[CWC's Diary#2005]]</ref> He claims to be 5'10" (1.78 m),<ref>[[The Hook Cafe#Characteristics]]</ref> meaning that during that time his BMI was 25.8, which is overweight. And this is assuming Chris is being honest about his height, which considering his [[List of Chris's lies|track record]] and the fact that [http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-biggest-lies-in-online-dating/ most men generally lie about their height on dating websites] appears unlikely. If Chris is under 5'10", his BMI would be even higher.

In [[February 2010]], Chris claimed to weigh "about 200 [pounds]" (91 kg), and also admitted to having once weighed more than 220 pounds.<ref>[[Mailbag 54#Fatty]]</ref> Even if we interpret the words "about 200" to mean 190, his BMI at the time would still be 27.3 i.e overweight.

In [[WeighIn|WeighIn video]], Chris claims that he weighs 216 lbs (97kg). This seems very unrealistic, given his current girth and food consumption. Most [[trolls|experts]] believe that Chris either offset his scale by 40 or 50 pounds, or that he's not fully standing on the scale in order to fool people into believing he's not extremely fat. It is also possible that Chris's years of inactivity have caused his muscles to deteriorate to the point of him looking like he weighs more than 250 pounds, when he really is just 216 pounds of pure fat. Even if we assume that he indeed weighed only 216 lbs at the time, this would still mean that his BMI was 31, making him obese.

In a [[Facebook]] post of 22 July [[2013]], Chris said he was "down to 220", suggesting he was before that much higher.

On 4 January [[2014]], he claimed he weighs 202 pounds. (''Again, considering his track record, this may be unlikely.'') While many would be quick to dismiss this solely on the fact that he's been caught at McDonald's regularly, at least one report shows that it can't be the sole factor, due to [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2533353/Forget-Super-Size-Me-Man-loses-37lbs-lowers-cholesterol-eating-McDonalds-three-months.html one individual actually ''losing weight'' on a pure McDonald's diet], suprisingly enough. However, given the sheer deluge of fast/processed food Chris eats from other places, the non-existence of an exercise regimen and the fact that his face is a lot fatter compared to previous photographs of him, this claim that he weighs 202 pounds is ''very'' dubious.

== Health ==
''Main article: [[Chris and health]]''

Obviously, all this has an adverse effect on Chris' health. Morbidly obese people are far more likely to develop diabetes, heart disease, and a number of other ailments. While it is admittedly possible to be fat '''and''' fit, Chris' lifestyle, combined with ample evidence of his lack of physical prowess, means that this does not apply to him.

== Denial ==
{{Quote|He's fat! Iiiiii'm thin!|Chris breaking out into chorus on [[Alec Benson Leary]]<ref>[[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal]]</ref>}}
[[Image:FattyLOL.jpg|thumb|180px|Horizontal stripes are very slimming!]]

Chris has generally been in denial about his weight. A white knight once told him that he needed to lose some weight if he ever wanted to get a girlfriend. Chris responded by freaking out and exclaiming that he wasn't overweight.<ref>[[White knight E-mails#September 2008 .E2.80.94 Chris denies being fat and sexist]]</ref> In [[IRC]], Chris has been known to become very defensive about his weight, always making claims that he works out, when in fact he just stands up while playing ''Guitar Hero''. Chris's reaction to being called fat is precisely the same as his reaction to being called [[homos|gay]]. Unfortunately for Chris, there isn't a [[Homo#Defenses_against_becoming_homo|poster that will help him lose weight]]. He simply screams that he isn't fat, then oftentimes lies, and calls the person accusing him fat. He exhibited this behavior during an email with [[Evan]],<ref>[[Masturbating_and_squirtin%27#Transcript of Chrisreply1evan.jpg|1st email to Evan]]</ref> during his phone call with [[Father Call|Kacey's father]], and especially in his conversation with [[Kacey and Liquid Call|Kacey and Liquid Chris]], where insults about his weight triggered a screaming rage.

However, during his original rivalry with [[Liquid Chris]], Chris once finally admitted he was perhaps maybe just a little bit fat, but only because he could use this as proof that he was the ''real'' Christian Weston Chandler. A similar problem arose during the [[Asperchu]] saga, where Chris, in an attempt to prove that Asperchu was a parody of himself, was forced to admit that Asperchu's "Buddha belly" and "man boobs" are similar to his own. More specifically, he acts as though he ''used'' to have a sagging gut, even though he has, in fact, porked up significantly since [[high school]]. He chose to focus on this aspect of Asperchu rather than admit his more embarrassing failures the series parodies. He did once admit in a [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|phone call]] with [[Jack Thaddeus]] that he was not fit.

There is also convincing evidence that [[autism|Chris has difficulty recognizing]] the human figure — faces in particular. His consistent representation of himself as slender and athletic may be attributable to his having formed his self-image during high school, when he would spend hours studying his then-scrawnier self in the mirror, memorizing his looks. However, this is unlikely as Chris has never "spent hours studying" anything.<ref> [[Sonichu_7#Episode_16:_.22Time_Hogs.22|''Sonichu'' #7]] - "…I had to train my brain to visually remember what I looked like…"</ref>

==See also==
* [[Chris and health]]
* [[Muscle bra|Manboobs]]
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonald's]]
* [[Golden Corral]]
* [[Chick-fil-A]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

Chris's birthday

2014-09-09T19:25:53Z

Gsbr: /* 30th */ Proper tense.

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|[[Homos|Chris blows.]]]]

{{quote|Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!"|Chris, on being nearly 30.}}

'''[[Chris]]'s birthday''', 24 February, is a significant date in his life, for obvious reasons. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new [[vidya]], to [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|wanting his birthday to be a national holiday]]) warrants some inspection.

==Notable birthdays==

[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|Chris's best birthday EVER!]]

===17th===
Chris received a Pro 200<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iF1n1AxK1Dg]</ref> handheld game console, and was photographed looking visibly disappointed while holding it. He also drew "[[:File:086-BionicFlag.jpg|Bionic Over Autism]]", which would later be included in [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]], and created [[Espanolic]], which would later be seen on his [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|CD cover project]] for school.

===18th===
While [[Trolls|most people]] would've celebrated by partying hard, doing [[Sex|something special]], or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris got a [[Video games|Sega Dreamcast]]. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children—composed of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some [[Friend zone|platonic]] [[gal-pals]] as guests. No strip clubs, no booze, no [[tobacky]], just ''Kenan & Kel'' and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever. The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "[[My big 18th party]]".

Years later, when asked by [[Kacey]] what did he do with his high school friends, Chris could not recall meeting them outside of school at any instance other than his 18th birthday.<ref>[[Kacey Call 20]]</ref> Likewise, a former Manchester High alumni who attended this birthday cannot recall any other instance in which she and the rest of Chris's high school friends ever hung out with him outside of school.<ref name>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts#Reality Comes Knocking]]</ref>

===[[Alcohol|21st]]===
[[Image:0603-CWC21Note.jpg|thumb|And now the worst...]]
If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this was probably his worst. No friends, no new [[video games]], and no [[sweetheart]]. The only thing Chris got was kicked out of his [[PVCC|college]] [[Chris and English|English]] class by his professor. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the [[Love Quest]]—Chris's enduring search for someone that will [[Barbara_Chandler|put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity]].

===23rd===
Chris documented this birthday in an issue of [[News_Dash#Chris.27s_23rd_Birthday|''Sonichu's News Dash'']]. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion." He was treated like a child and loved every second of it.

The gal-pal who is "undatable, due to her religion" is most likely [[Anna]]. Chris has met her prior to his 23rd birthday<ref>As can be inferred from the fact that [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer]] was published on 5 [[2005#February |February 2005]], prior to Chris's birthday.</ref> and he likewise describes Mormons like Anna as undatable.<ref>[[MySpace messages#Jalena]]</ref>

===25th===
[[Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|thumb|Chris's 25th birthday and [[DVD]] launch party.]]
To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|IMPORTANT MESSAGE]], inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience.

===26th===
It's not known that Chris did for his birthday in February [[2008]], although a week later [[Megan]] wrote to him saying ''"Yeah that [[internet]] thing is getting very much out of hand and would like to ask if you could please take down or remove anything that has to do with me from any of your websites. I don't want to appear on those sites as well."'' A while later she discovered that [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] was meant to be a picture of her.

===27th===
Chris's 27th birthday coincided with the burial of his late [[Aunt Corrina]]. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to [[Obesity|stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes]] instead of [[Chris_and_death|mourning]] the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in a [[Mumble 9|Mumble chat]] about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He also received some birthday money, which he used to fund his [[Ohio trip|road trip to Ohio]].

===28th===
Chris's 28th birthday is shrouded in mystery. Other than his [[ego|obsessive desire]] to see his birthday made a holiday, next to nothing is known about how it was spent. What we do know is that he ingested a [[Semen|mysterious substance]] and was [[Magical Man Potion|visited]] by another [[Jerk|male]] guest. [[Alec Benson Leary]] also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|called in and congratulated him]], being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails,_2010#Hey.2C_Vivian_.E2.80.94_11_February|had been saving $100]] to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after [[The Wallflower]] became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free.

===29th===
The events were unknown due to his hiatus from [[the Internet]], but somewhere around this time is when Chris began to [[Tomgirl Pictures|embrace his feminine side]].

* '''''Sonichu'' Canon:''' Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.

===30th===
[[Image:30_year_old_virgin.png|thumb|A must-see!]]
Chris entered his fourth decade in [[2012]]. The [[28 October 2011]] crimes still cast a shadow. Being the affluent [[Sony]] fanboy that he is, Chris bought himself a [[PS Vita]] and a copy of Asphalt Injection (a critically panned racing title).

Leaked [[Facebook statuses]] revealed that Chris was not looking forward to this birthday. On 30 January he expressed his frustrations about soon becoming a 30 year old virgin, and a little more than a week later Chris announced on 11 February that he had no plans for his birthday.

===31st===
[[Trolling]] was on Chris's mind on this birthday: he watched the slasher film about trolls ''[[Wikipedia:Smiley (2012 film)|Smiley]]'' two days before, and the day after his birthday he called out [[My Little Pony|Tara Strong]] for "promoting [[troll]]ing".
===32nd===
Chris was not in [[14 Branchland Court]] after its [[Destruction Of Chris's House|fiery demise]].

==Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution==
<center><gallery>
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg|Age 5: Cute kid, right?
Image:0092-Christians14th.jpg|Age 14
Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|Age 17
Image:0491-CWC18th23.jpg|Age 18
Image:0583-CWC19-2.jpg|Age 19
Image:0599-CWC20-4.jpg|Age 20
Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|Age 21
Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|Age 22
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|Age 23
Image:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg|Age 24
Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|Age 25
Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|Age 26: Cute kid, right?
File:Chris27a.PNG|Age 27<ref>[[Ode to Julie]]</ref>
File:Chris27.PNG|Age 28<ref>[[Christian Love Day (video)]]</ref>
File:TG9.jpg|Age 29
File:1328397527051.jpg|Age 30
File:Chris march2013.jpg|Age 31
File:OriginalSonichuAndRosechuDrawingChris1.JPG|Age 32
</gallery></center>

=="Christian Love Day"==
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally TRUE and HONEST, and not a [[things Chris has ripped off|rip-off]] at all).]]
Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be [[Chris and his Ego|focused on him too]]. First seen in the [[CWC Blog]], "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by [[Homos|STRAIGHT]] folk. In the [[Mailbag]], he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because [[Chris and reality|he wills it]] and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond [[Christian Love Day|one lone video]].

In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and [[Chris and his Ego|ego]]). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he [[Chris and reality|has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality]].

==References==
<references/>
{{Year}}
[[Category:Events]]

Christian Weston Chandler

2014-09-02T00:20:16Z

Gsbr: Given his track record, he might be lying about his height.

:''This article is about Chris himself... It is his article and nothing less! For the "Sonichu" character, see [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]]. For other uses, see [[Christian Weston Chandler (disambiguation)]]. ''
:''"Christian" redirects here. For our hero's view on Christianity, see [[Chris and religion]].''

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{Honest}}

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Christian Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Christopher Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Full Name'''
| "Christopher" Christian "Ricardo" Weston Chandler
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| Chris-chan Chris Chan [[Spanish|Ricardo Weston Chandler]] CWC [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] Solid Chris [[JenkinsJinkies|Junior Jenkins]] [[Carlos Chantor]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|KookyDashy]] [[Jackie E-mails 24|Kaka Apple Chrissy]]
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| [[Birthday|24 February]] [[1982]] (age 32)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male (1982–2011) [[Tomgirl]] (2011–c2012) Unknown (2012-2014) Tomgirl/[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out...kinda|Lesbian Identified Male]] (2014-)
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Height'''
| Self reported 5'10" (1.78 m)<ref>[[Match.com#Profile text]]</ref><ref>[[The Hook Cafe#Characteristics]]</ref>
|-
| '''Weight'''
| Self-reported [[WeighIn|216 lbs. (98.2 kg)]]
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Bob]] (deceased) [[Barbara]]
|-
| '''Education'''
| [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] ([[CADD]])
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Freelance comic book artist/writer/videogame designer (unpublished) [[Wendy's]] employee ([[2001]]) [[Cutco]] salesman ([[2003]]) Male escort ([[2010]], unpaid)
|-
|}
{{quote|I am the [[Slow-in-the-mind|high-functioning]] [[autism|autistic]] person who was heavily [[stress|emotionally damaged]], [[Chris and art|artistic]] [[Things Chris has ripped off|inspiration]] lost with [[Chris and health|paranoia]], [[BlueSpike|deception]], [[Jack Thaddeus|blackmail]] and [[Death threats|plain hurtful words]] from those bottom-feeding [[Trolls]]. I am the [[The Wall of Originals|hand-drawing original]] [[Chris and copyright|creator]] of [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]] and the city of [[CWCville|Cwcville]], [[Virginia]], [[United States of America|USA]].|[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia|KookyDashy]], aka Chris<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20110804190802/http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=57&start=10 Re: We've been found AND mocked horribly! :( ] - The Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia post where Chris reveals himself (archive from 4 Aug 2011)</ref>}}

'''Christian Weston Chandler''' (born '''Christopher Weston Chandler''' on 24 February [[1982]]) is a [[Asperger's|high-functioning]] [[This_is_how_the_Trial_went#The_Trial.|adult autistic child]], thirty-two-year-old, former [[virgin with rage|virgin with rage]], and [[Things Chris has ripped off|creator]] of the infamous [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], a crossover of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and [[Pikachu]]. Christian also stars alongside his [[Chris and copyright|original creations]] in his own self-titled [[Sonichu (comic)|online comic book]].

His adult life has been largely defined by his goal of developing his webcomic ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' into a hit media franchise and his [[Love Quest]] to obtain a "[[boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]], 18-[''my current age'']-year old, caring, [[tobacky|smoke-free]], [[alcohol|non-alcoholic]] [[Chris and race|white]] girl" to make into a "[[sweetheart from the Ground-Up|sweetheart from the ground-up]]."

In late [[2007]], he became [[Internet]]-famous when he caught the attention of [[4chan]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. The initial fascination was spurred on by his willingness to wear a homemade [[Sonichu medallion]] in public, his [[Chris and Art|childlike artwork]] featuring his unoriginal Sonic recolor, and his history of loitering in [[Attraction Locations|public places]] while literally holding up a [[sign]] asking women to talk to him. His reaction to the ensuing mockery led to even greater scrutiny of his life, [[Chris and...|revealing still more disturbing facts about him.]]

==Aliases==
[[Image:093-CWCtoon.jpg|thumb|left|100px|[[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian's hand drawn representation of himself.]]]]

Christian Weston Chandler has a wide array of names he has given himself. He was born Christopher Weston Chandler, but [[Christopher's name change|changed]] to "Christian" at the behest of the "[[Leonard Bearstein|bear conductor]]". In either case, he answers to "Chris" and "Chris-Chan". [[Autism|Unusually]], Chris will often refer to himself by his full name, or if he's feeling especially formal, "Christopher Christian Weston Chandler". He is unusually proud of his initials "CWC" and often incorporates them into his creations and various puns on the word "quick".

Chris's nickname in his high school [[Spanish]] classes was "Ricardo", and to this day he translates his own name to "Ricardo Weston Chandler" when writing or speaking in Spanish, likely due to his ignorance of the fact that you generally don't translate your own name when speaking in another language. At times he will literally announce himself as "Christopher Christian 'Ricardo' Weston Chandler", or variants thereof, to precisely identify himself.

Occasionally, Chris will use the names of his characters to refer to himself, most notably his evil twin, [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]], and of course, [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]. In his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], Chris has the ability to transform into an [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], named [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

The only names commonly used to refer to Chris which he did not himself invent are "Chrissy" (popularized by [[Arjen Van Dierten]]) and [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] (popularized by [[Liquid Chris]]). Less notably, there is also the seldom-used "Solid Chris", used by some to differentiate him from Liquid in the tradition of a [[Metal Gear Solid|certain video game series]].
{{clear}}

==Overview==
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|left|[[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|An infamous image Chris drew of himself enjoying a soda.]]]]

Chris is a timid, [[autism|autistic]], man with [[chris and his ego|delusional tendencies]] who has been allowed - by his parents, [[Bob Chandler]] and [[Barbara Chandler]] - to eternally live like a child, amassing [[toys]] and [[video games]] into a single [[room]] in his parents' [[14 Branchland Court|house]]. Now thirty-two years old, he is so comfortable in his protected existence that he refuses to conform to the norms of society, such as "you must [[Chris and health#Hygiene|bathe]] regularly," "you cannot loiter in a store all day [[Attraction Sign|waiting]] for people to talk to you," and "you should use the washroom if you think you may [[dirty crapped briefs|soil yourself]]." Although the public school system forced Chris to face society, graduation has allowed Christian to stay indoors and avoid taking part in typical civilian activities. Due to this avoidance of the outside world, Chris has never held a steady [[Chris's resume|job]], or even been employed for more than a few months in his whole life. Nor has he had many meaningful relationships with people in a social setting. Christian's main impressions of people now come from the [[trolls]] and [[white knights]] he meets online.

Chris is completely obsessed with his character [[Sonichu]], to the point that he has hand-crafted several [[medallions]] in the shape of Sonichu and related characters. Between February [[2004]] and [[March 2010]], Chris was rarely seen or photographed without one of these totems, even wearing them in his [[:Image:License.jpg|driver's license photo]] and to his [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] graduation. At the same time, he is absolutely convinced that everyone wants to learn all about Sonichu, and that the only reason [[Nintendo]], Sega, and [[Sony]] haven't approached him about making Sonichu games is that they're either trying to be tough negotiators, or that his chances are being ruined by [[trolls]] working in the companies. The medallion returned in [[September 2010]].

Chris absolutely hates [[homos|gay men]], and communicates this with such intensity that observers are easily convinced he's simply terrified of becoming gay himself. He cannot bear to look at another man's [[pickle|penis]], and he stares at [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon]] to keep himself straight.<ref>[[Chris Destroys His Vibrator]]</ref> Chris' words do not always align with his actions; Christian appears to be deeply insecure about his gender. He has [[recycling|swallowed his own semen]], [[Sports bra photo series|wears a bra]], and only reins in his [[Tomgirl Pictures|tendency to proudly cross-dress]] because his elderly mother intensely disapproves. While these actions do not indicate homosexuality outright, they do question the validity of Christian's own judgements on his sexual orientation. Surprisingly, however, his homophobia seems to have little basis in his religious beliefs, as he had not noticed Leviticus 18:22, which condemns homosexuality, until he saw it on a 2009 episode of ''[[Family Guy]]''.<ref>[[CWC with Bible - Leviticus]]</ref> However, his homophobia does not extend to lesbians, whom he "partly encourages" and is even aroused by.
{{clear}}

== Early life ==

In 24 February 1982, Chris was born to [[Robert]] and [[Barbara Chandler]]. He was born in the [[United States]], specifically in the state of [[Virginia]], and of course, is a citizen of the US. Not much was known about Chris in his toddler years, but the signs of autism didn't creep up until he was older. At the time, he was a pretty normal kid.

===Childhood and adolescence===
[[Image:Lapse.gif|left]]

[[Image:0147-CWCsMilkcapsAcrossTime.jpg|240px|thumb|The evolution (or decay, depending upon how you see things) of Chris-chan...in a [[Wikipedia:Pogs|pog]] form (yes, those are homemade pogs). Top: Chris '94, '95, '96. Bottom: '97, '98', '99.]]

Chris claims his first word, "monkey", was spoken at six weeks old,<ref name="Wikipedia early">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> and he remains proud of this feat into his thirties regardless of how obviously unlikely and physically impossible it is to be true - the language centers in the human brain literally cannot grasp English at six weeks, disregarding infantile vocal chords.

An [[abusive babysitter]], who was alone with Christopher every day for years,<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> allegedly locked him in a room at an early age.<ref name="Wikipedia early" /> Chris apparently misses the irony in the fact the he now locks himself in a [[Chris's room|room]]. He once identified this confinement as the source of his autism. Between the ages of one and seven, Chris did not speak at all, and had to visit [[James Madison University]] for speech therapy. He was diagnosed as being autistic, with the doctor projecting (at least according to Chris) that he would never make it to high school, much less be able to write his own name.<ref>[[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)]]</ref>

During the [[1980s]], Christopher was playmates with [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]]. One day, she convinced him that Casper the Friendly Ghost lived in the crawlspace under her house, and when he crawled in there to look, she locked him in,<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Memories of childhood|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares, page 4]]</ref> beginning Chris's lifelong career of getting trolled. Apparently, he doesn't hold any hard feelings over it (possibly just because she's a girl—if a guy did that to him, Chris would vow vengeance).

In [[1989]], noted furry conductor Leonard Bearstein misheard Christopher's first name and called him "Christian", which convinced Christopher to later have his name [[Christopher's name change|legally changed]].

Chris spent the [[1990s|1990-1991]] school year in the fourth grade at [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]], until his parents pulled him out of classes over a mysterious dispute. Chris claims that he was forcefully restrained by the school's faculty<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]</ref> and that he was made to sit on the lap of the [[Bruce Johnson|principal]], an experience that supposedly inspired his homophobia. It's possible that Chris's opinions about these events are colored more by his parents' attitudes than his own memories. The issue went to court, with Greene County seeking to have Chris sent to a "special school", which Bob and Barbara likely interpreted to mean a nut-house. Chris was home-schooled through the fifth grade during these proceedings. When his family exhausted all legal recourse, Chris and his father relocated to [[Richmond]] so that Chris could continue his education in a different school system, starting with the sixth grade in fall 1992.<ref name="Wikipedia early" />

At age 11, Chris entered and won the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]. On his twelfth birthday, he enjoyed a $1,000 shopping spree as his prize. Local news coverage of the event focused on Chris's autism, regarding the contest win as a worthy accomplishment due to his mental condition. Chris put footage from this newscast on [[YouTube]] long before he was known to general public, and it remains the most solid evidence that he is not [[Liquid Chris|some elaborate troll]]. This incident is often cited as the beginning of Chris's tendency to use his autism as leverage for special treatment, as well as his fascination with toys and video games at the expense of more mature pursuits. It has led Chris to constantly enter contests in hopes of winning big (or else [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|becoming infuriated and belligerent to the winners]] when he loses).

<center><gallery>
Image:0002-BabyChristopher.jpg|Even as a baby, he was unusually ugly. Looks kind of like Baby Selwyn from ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Braindead_%28film%29 Braindead]''.
Image:0003-ChristopherApr1985.jpg|Age 3, actually a pretty cute kid.
Image:0001-ChristopherInSchool.jpg|Holding a prototype [[Sonichu Balls|Sonichu ball]].
Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|[[Chris and fashion|Chris's taste in clown shirts begins]], coupled with his infamous "deer in headlights" [[Creepy stare|stare]].
</gallery></center>

{{collapsible
|More of young Christian
|<gallery>
Image:0005-ChristopherWBigShirt.jpg
Image:0006-Christopher6-1986.jpg
Image:0007-Christopher12-1986.jpg
Image:0010-ChristopherChristmas1.jpg
Image:0013-ChristopherWFivel.jpg
Image:0015-ChristopherWPillow.jpg
Image:0016-ChristopherByTV.jpg
Image:0017-Christopher'sFavoriteChair.jpg
Image:0018-ChristopherWRootBeer1.jpg
Image:0019-ChristopherWRootBeer2.jpg
Image:0020-ChristopherWCar1.jpg
Image:0021-ChristopherWCar2.jpg
Image:0022-ChristopherWithWhat1.jpg
Image:0023-ChristopherWithWhat2.jpg
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg
Image:0030-ChristopherWSunglasses.jpg
Image:0031-1-Chris on Pony.jpg
Image:0035-ChritopherArmPaint.jpg
Image:0044-YoungChristopher1.jpg
Image:0047-ChristopherApr1991.jpg
Image:0048-1-Sad Chris.jpg
Image:0048-ChristopherSept1991.jpg
Image:0049-ChristopherFacePaint.jpg
Image:0059-ChristopherWBat.jpg
Image:0072-Chrisian&Santa.jpg
Image:0076-ChristianWTrain.jpg
Image:0086-Christmas95-1.jpg
Image:0087-Christmas95-2.jpg
Image:0088-Christmas95-3.jpg
</gallery>}}

[[Image:0240-ChristianCBBall97.jpg|120px|thumb|left|CWC the water boy. PRO TIP: Don't drink anything from one of Chris's [[fapcup|cups]].]]

[[Image:CWC12.png|120px|thumb|Hard to believe, but this photo has not been airbrushed to perfection.]]

Chris spent much of his time in [[Manchester High School|high school]] playing video games at home, reading R.L. Stine horror novels, and hanging out with his "[[gal pals]]" and "[[Joseph Herring|friend]]" at school. It was at this time that he first put his "creative talents" to use, with the inventions of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]] and Sonichu.<ref>[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_22]</ref> Chris was on the [[honor roll]] and acquired the true source of his powers, his [[high school ring]].

Because the art award he wanted was given to someone else, Chris cried during his [[Manchester High School#Graduation|high school graduation]]. He honestly thought he deserved the award more than anyone else because he worked on it ''so hard'' in spite of his autism. Another reason for his sorrow was his fear that he might soon have to grow up and start acting like an adult.<ref>[[:Image:0567-GraduationNote2.jpg|DVD, graduation note 2]]</ref>

Since leaving high school and the happiest years of his life, Chris has been unwilling and unable to progress in any aspect of his life. He remains trapped in a childish, Year [[2000]] [[Time Void|time-warp]], as he believes that whatever he was doing at the time was what helped him attract female companions. That his high school gal-pals have moved on and married real adult men with careers is of little consequence to him.

{{collapsible
|Chris's award-winning art work
|<gallery perrow="5">

Image:444-MecheFox.JPG|This should win a prize.
Image:445-SonicTotem.JPG|Not creepy.
Image:470-CWCCoilPot.JPG|Chris's Like Like.
Image:475-RelaxingCWC1.JPG|Chris relaxing. Not scary at all.
Image:476-RelaxingCWC2.JPG|Uh...
Image:471-ChristophersLeatherFace.JPG|Chris calls this his "leather face". Apparently, he's never seen ''Texas Chainsaw Massacre''.
Image:467-CWCPlate.JPG|This plate helps you lose weight - look at it and you'll want to vomit.
Image:doorfish.jpg|You put this over your door to keep away would be thieves.
</gallery>}}

===Adult Chronicles===
[[Image:0781-CWCspdbed.JPG|thumb|One of Chris's promotional images for his [[Love Quest]].]]

Chris's entry into [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] probably eased his inability to cope with life after high school. He took courses in [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting and Design]] and began spending more time on ''Sonichu'', launching a [[Sonichu's News Dash| newsletter]] and circulating it on the PVCC campus. Over time, he began losing touch with his gal-pals from high school, and he presumably found the junior college crowd less willing to humor him and his personal idiosyncrasies.

Chris says he decided he needed a [[sweetheart]] in February [[2003]]. Possibly driven by his discovery that his old friend [[Sarah Hammer]] had begun dating [[Wes Iseli]], Chris started his [[Love Quest]] in earnest that summer. However, he quickly found that every girl he talked to had a boyfriend...allegedly. Chris soon became neurotic about the "[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]" and began employing various bizarre methods to attract women without actually having to approach them or speak to them.

Chris's most celebrated technique involved sitting in one place (or pacing back and forth) for hours, holding a [[sign]] that read "I am a (my age then)-Year Old, Single Male, seeking an 18-(my age then)-Year Old, Single Female Companion." Amazingly, this strategy accomplished nothing beyond getting him into trouble with various [[jerkops|authority]] [[manajerks|figures]] who believed that he was loitering and/or soliciting sex. Chris was particularly affected by a series of confrontations with the [[PVCC]] dean [[Mary Lee Walsh]] over his attraction techniques, resulting in an ongoing, completely one-sided blood feud.

After a series of confrontations featuring increasingly bizarre and threatening behavior on Chris's part, Walsh expelled him for one year in [[2004]]. He eventually returned, however, obtaining an associate's degree in May [[2006]].

After college, Chris promptly dropped out of society, devoting his life to finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]], drawing ''Sonichu'', [[masturbation|masturbating]], and using his [[monthly tugboat|welfare money]] to buy video games and [[sex toys]].

[[Image:156-CWCMegan1.jpg|thumb|left|He can smell fear.]]

In [[2005]], Chris met [[Megan Schroeder]] at a [[The GAMe PLACe|local game and card shop]]. A social outcast like himself, Megan proved unusual in that she was willing to talk to Chris for more than five minutes. The two quickly became close friends, although Megan claimed to have recently endured a bad break-up and refused to entertain Chris's obvious romantic interest. Chris, being totally smooth with women due to countless hours of studying them in porn and [[anime]], believed that the key to turning Megan's platonic feelings romantic was to make inappropriate advances toward her until she had to tell him to stop touching her.

In the summer of [[2007]], Chris put it all on the line by entering the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest|''PaRappa the Rapper'' Contest]] so that he could win prizes and a trip for two to Seattle, which formed the centerpiece of his plan to finally score with Megan. The contest ended in disaster for Chris, as he lost to the dreaded [[Adam Stackhouse]] and finally learned that Megan wouldn't have gone with him on the trip even if he had won.

It was during the Love Quest that Chris was inspired to launch ''Sonichu'', a comic book series featuring his [[Electric-Hedgehog Pokémon]]. Ostensibly, the comic was intended to raise awareness of Chris's unbelievably original character, but within half an issue, the storyline began to revolve around the frankly more compelling saga of Chris's own personal issues and adventures.
{{clear}}

==Discovery==
{{main|2007|2008}}
[[Image:110-SchuSiteIdea2.jpg|thumb|FUCK YEAH!!!]]

{{quote|Geez, when you have '''me''' facepalming at you, you have got to be pretty bad off.|[http://encyclopediadramatica.es/David_Gonterman David Gonterman] on Chris.}}

Chris's rare talent was discovered when someone posted an anonymous picture of Sonichu on [[4-cent garbage|4chan]]. It only took a quick Google search of Chris's name to discover the picture's author, and Chris's miserable existence spilled over onto [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] in October 2007. His life hasn't been the same since then.

[[File:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in [[2008]].]]

Upon learning of the "Chris-chan" article on ED, Chris released a single [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|YouTube video]] attempting to diplomatically convince the site to remove the page. Failing in this, he then spent the next several months [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|vandalizing]] the article in the vain hope of overwhelming his enemies. This catastrophically backfired as Chris, in an attempt to prove himself as lurid as the [[trolls]], revealed a great deal of embarrassing information, most notably [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a portrait of himself fingerbanging Megan]] that ruined his most important relationship at the time. By the spring of [[2008]] Chris would be banned from both [[The Game Place|his favorite hangout]] (temporarily. But he was banned permanently in August 2008) and [[Grace Baptist Church|his parents' church]] for reasons at least partially related to information brought to light by the ED article.

In August 2008, Chris [[CWC's Second Message|declared]] [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|war]] upon Encyclopedia Dramatica in a series of videos, threatening to withhold publication of the upcoming [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] unless his vast [[fan base]] rallied to force ED to remove the "Chris-chan" article. When ED suffered outages unrelated to this crusade, Chris [[Kudos to the Encyclopedia DramaDestruction|took credit and declared victory]], guaranteeing that he would be under constant fire from trolls for years to come. This began an endless cycle in which Chris would produce [[videos]], comics, and harebrained schemes to attack the trolls, which would in turn encourage more and more trolls to provoke him for his hilarious responses.

The cycle was briefly disrupted in the fall of 2008 when Chris sent his various [[medallions]] to his [[Blanca Weiss|fake Internet girlfriend]], who immediately destroyed them and broke up with him. This emotional heartbreak and the release of ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' reduced Chris's output of videos and other sources of [[lulz]]. At the same time, Encyclopedia Dramatica began cracking down on trolls using Chris's ED page as a forum for discussing him, and in general opinion was divided as to whether it was lulzy or faggy to continue harassing him. The resulting schism led to the creation of numerous websites (such as [[CWCki|this one]] singularly devoted to trolling Chris), which has only expanded the coverage of Chris's hijinks.

==Chris today==
{{main|2008|2009|2010|2011|2012|2013|2014}}
[[File:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2009]].]]

By late 2008, trolls controlled many aspects of Chris's life by posing as dedicated [[fans]], [[sweethearts]], cartoonish enemies, and prospective business partners. Chris's ego and [[naive]]te readily embraced this world in which every woman wanted to fuck him, and every man was either trying to help him sell ''Sonichu'' products or steal the franchise for their own nefarious goals. Trolls would begin denoting major events in Chris's life as "[[saga]]s" such as the [[Miyamoto]] Saga, the [[Julie]] Saga, the [[Ivy]] Saga, the [[Liquid Chris|Liquid]] Saga, and the [[Asperchu]] Saga. All the while, the [[CWCki]] maintains a constant record of these events, ensuring that Chris cannot selectively ignore his own history.

[[File:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|left|''[[OkCupid|Hello]], [[The Hook Cafe|ladies]][[Carlos Chantor|!]]'' Chris in [[2010]].]]

Following his disastrous failure to woo [[The Wallflower|a real girl]] in March [[2010]], Chris began to realize what anyone else would have figured out a long time ago: his toxic [[Internet]] presence is having a detrimental effect upon his real life, and each new video he creates only makes it worse. This realization appears to have led him to reduce his online presence and to stop donning Sonichu medallions and [[Chris and fashion|striped shirts]].

In [[November 2010]], around the same time another romantic saga involving [[Jackie|another sweetheart]] ended in failure, Chris announced he will no longer socialize online or publish videos of himself. Subsequently, all videos save for the last one were removed from his YouTube channel. However, his Internet activity had not completely ceased since he retired from YouTube. Chris later returned with new videos in [[August 2011]].

[[File:TG20.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2011]].]]

Perhaps the most dramatic change in Chris’s life was his open and enthusiastic embrace of cross-dressing and femininity in general. In [[2011]], Chris was revealed to have become a full blown transvestite (or "[[Tomgirl Saga|tomgirl]]", as he calls it) and fully embraced his new identity both at home and in public. Chris does not see his new-found femininity as being in contradiction to his heterosexuality or homophobia.

In [[September 2011]], Chris's [[Bob Chandler|father]] died of heart failure. Chris continues to live with his widowed mother, who along with the [[monthly tugboat|tugboat]] is his only source of income. Since his [[mother]] Barbara is in her 70s, it can be reasonably assumed that she has little time left on this earth, especially when her poor health is taken into account.
[[File:Christran2.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in [[2012]].]]

In [[October 2011]], Chris and Barb were [[28 October 2011|arrested]] at [[The GAMe PLACe]] and charged on several counts including trespassing, assault, and failure to stop at an accident causing over $1,000 in damage after an altercation with [[Michael Snyder]]. The trespassing and assault charges against Chris were dropped, but both still face felony trials for the failure to stop, and Barb for assaulting a police officer.
[[File:Chris march2013.jpg|thumb|Chris in [[2013]].]]

In [[April 2012]], Chris declared that he finally lost his virginity.

[[2013]] saw Chris's life more or less confined to ranting on [[Facebook]] and [[Twitter]], as well as making himself a pariah to people in real life through his actions. He began blaming people for his own shortcomings which resulted in him leaving his church, getting chewed out by a voice actress from [[My Little Pony|one of his favorite shows]], upsetting the few friends he has left with his homophobia and getting thrown out of a [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] for committing blatant vandalism. He has also complained about the 'stress' taking its toll on his health and pined often about being "lonely". Even the "gal-pals" Chris so fondly talked about in the past would end up betraying him - he found out around Halloween 2013 that they had only tolerated him out of pity and, having discovered them, were just as revolted by his antics as much as the next sane person.

In reality the "frustration" that Chris now feels is actually the direct results of his past behaviours coming full circle in his life; whether he realizes it or not. The year 2013 also saw the rise of quite a few new white knights as well (including actual friends he met in real life) all of whom tried to offer constructive advice to Chris. Only for him to ignore their advice completely. With growing disregard for societal norms and even [[Chris and the Law|the law]], it leaves one to wonder if there will come a day when Chris does something ''truly'' reprehensible resulting in him being put away from functioning society for good.
[[File:Chris 15 Aug 2014 changed profile pic.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in [[2014]].]]

At first, it seemed that [[2014]] would just be business as usual. That is, until [[January 2014|January]] 10th when, in a spectacular display of the [[Naive|idiocy]] we've come to expect from him, Chris thought it would be a good idea to brew coffee in the bathroom with an extension cord, leading to him [[Destruction Of Chris's House|setting his own house on fire]]. Luckily, no-one was seriously harmed, although the resulting damages have forced him and his mother to temporarily [[Rental House|move out and trash a different house]].

Since then, Chris and his mother have been having [[Chris and money|acute financial difficulties]], and Chris has spent most of the year alternating between begging and taking the odd commission to make more of his horrendous "art" on Facebook, or in a new display of [[Ego|narcissism]], selling autographed photos of himself on eBay ([[Trolls|you can guess who most of his patrons are]]). Nonetheless, this hasn't stopped Chris from blowing ''THOUSANDS'' of dollars on [[Lego|fucking toys]]. Naturally, his "art" and photographs are only really of any value to trolls, and thankfully few people have been foolish enough to [[Monthly tugboat|give him hand-outs]]. Which is for the best, given that he may finally be forced to face a situation his mother [[Hooker incident|can't]] [[28 October 2011|bail him]] [[Chris and money|out of]], and maybe, just maybe, learn something from it. [[Chris and reality|But]] [[Ego|probably not]].

More [[Autism|curiously]], [[Chris and reality|Chris began identifying as a lesbian]] in [[August 2014]], and denied that there is no such thing as a male lesbian. While he seemed to soften his stance on [[Homos|gay men]] (''very'' reluctantly, probably just another desperate attempt [[China|to get some]]), he also indicated that he hated his own [[Duck|penis]], in addition to his pre-existing hatred of penises in general. Only time will tell if he'll stop buying toys long enough to save the money to get a sex change.

As of September, he's claiming to have a girlfriend. [[Megan Schroeder|Let's see how]] [[Wallflower|long this lasts]].

{{clear}}

==Featured fan video==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC ~ A Sad Story
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DxAhBoYfWy4}}
| Stardate = 20 November 2009
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/IBAClydeCash IBAClydeCash]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==See also==
* [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)]] - Chris's depiction of himself within his own comics.
* [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] - Chris's furry alter ego.
* [[:Category:DVD slideshow images|Hundreds of personal photographs]] assembled for use in Chris's autobiographical [[DVD]].
* [[User:GodofThunderGodofWar]] - Chris's own CWCki account!

==References==
{{CWCipedia}}
{{Fan Art|chris=Chris fan art|linkname=Chris}}

<references />

==External links==
[http://www.imdb.com/name/nm4813395/ Christian Weston Chandler] at the [[Wikipedia:Internet Movie Database|Internet Movie Database]]

{{Chris and|nocat=true}}
{{People}}
{{Timeline|nocat=true}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Christian Weston}}

[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]
[[Category:Homos]]

Michael Snyder

2014-05-31T23:22:16Z

Gsbr: He yells "JEW!" after Snyder delivers his one-liner.

{{quote|'''Chris:''' I hope that God will forgive you for being so heartless and cruel, Michael Snyder! '''Mike:''' He probably will.|[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Manajerk
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:HNI 0022-cropped.jpg|225px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Michael Snyder
|-
| '''Nickname'''
| Mike
|-
| '''Birth'''
| Mid-1956 (age 58)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Religion'''
| JEW (according to Chris)
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Family'''
| Wife and daughter
|-
| '''Occupation'''
| Manager of [[the GAMe PLACe]] (to 2011) Manager and owner of Cville's Hobbies, Games, and Toys (2011-)
|-
|}

'''Michael John "Mike" Snyder''' (born mid-1956<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheRcholic YouTube account]</ref>; Hebrew: מִיכָאֵל ג'ון „מייק“ שניידר) is the [[manajerk|owner]] of [[The GAMe PLACe]] (now Cville's Hobbies, Games, and Toys), a [[video games|game]] and [[Toys|hobby]] store in [[Charlottesville]]. Chris regularly caused trouble at the PLACe and was eventually permabanned in June [[2008]]. Based on his surname, Chris came to the conclusion that Snyder was Jewish, giving him [[Niggos|yet]] [[Chris and race|another]] [[Homos|minority]] to rage at.

Due to his [[Naïve|misguided]] belief that he had genuine friends at the PLACe, Chris developed a burning hatred for Snyder over the years, describing him as a "bastard",<ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 3]]</ref> a "[[JERKS|jerk]]"<ref>[[Keep CWC's Wikipedia Up]]</ref>, a "pigheaded, stubborn Jew"<ref>[[Katie Bay E-mails 2]]</ref>, "cold-hearted"<ref>[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]</ref> and even a [[pedofork| child molester]].<ref>[[Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher]]</ref> In June 2010, Chris had a [[Son-Chu|run-in]] with Snyder when he tried to take his picture at the PLACe, and on [[28 October 2011]] both Barb and Chris got legal charges for a more serious attack.

==At the GAMe PLACe==
{{quote|That was why the Son of a Bitch Jew kicked me out of The Game Place, Permanently, After YEARS of Loyal Volunteer Service in the Pokemon TCG League. I had apologized numerously before, but he's still the pigheaded, stubborn Jew he was then.|[[Katie Bay E-mails 2|Chris, being his usual humble self.]]}}

Chris's behavior offended the store's management in a number of ways. Aside from punting his gym leader duties, he scared the small children he played card games with, picked fights with other players, and generally was a racist, homophobic creep. He would also truck his video game consoles into The GAMe PLACe and take over the shop's flat-screen TV for considerable amounts of time, loudly sing along to [[Britney Spears]] during games, pitch fits inspired by his hatred of the [[HEXBox]] in public, and so on.<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A]]</ref>

The trigger for his permanent ban in [[August 2008]] was a shouting match with a young [[niggos|black kid]]. That particular incident was merely the straw that broke the camel's back, though, as "Mike was looking for any reason to ban him at this point," says [[Mimms]].

Predictably, Chris did his best to appeal his permaban. He brought his parents in to argue his case with Michael Snyder, to which Michael responded by calling the [[police]]. Despite a fierce response from [[Barbara Chandler]], Chris and his family failed to move either Michael or the cops, and every indication is that Chris will never be allowed back into the store.

In the [[Jackie e-mails]], Chris offers his own chronology and version of events. There, he claims that he was thrown out of the store much earlier than Mimms indicates, in June 2008. The so-called "Wii Incident", according to Chris, was when Michael Snyder forced Chris to stop bogarting the TV for his Wii. Doing this apparently caused a number of children to miss out on obtaining a few trade-only evolution Pokémon. Chris got angry and wrote a letter, sign, or simply scrawled a note on the side of a card box stating "Michael Snyder Loves the "F" out of [[Mary Lee Walsh]]." This, Chris claimed, was Michael's last straw and he booted him then.

Chris is vague about why he thinks he was banned; he has said that ''"Michael was scared of me and and uh, he was afrai- and he was uh, preoccupied with his crackpot theory of me scaring his- scaring his... customers away, so he banned me from the store."''<ref>[[Sydney Kirsch]]</ref>

==Years of hatred (2008-11)==
{{Quote|And I also hope that the Game and Hobby Place in Charlottesville… [[Destruction Of Chris's House|BURNS TO THE GROUND]]! ALONG WITH MICHAEL SNYDER!|Chris|[[Autism Tutorial Part 3]]}}

[[File:AskMichaelSnyder.jpg|thumb||Chris at war with Michael.]]

On 12 April 2010, [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Chris confronted Michael]] in an attempt to get back into The GAMe PLACe. In his anger, Chris ends up [[South Park|calling him a Jew]] as an insult.

Based on comments from earlier in the audio recording, Chris seems to have jumped to his conclusion about Michael's religion on account of his last name. In fact, "Schneider" is a German surname meaning "tailor" (and "Snyder" descends from the Dutch word for "cutter"). While some German Jews might have wound up with the name by anglicizing the Jewish surname "Sznajder", it doesn't necessarily denote Jewish heritage at all. Michael himself is a goy.

In a [[100 2178|more recent video]], Chris linked Michael to a conspiracy he believes the [[Greene County]] school board have staged against him to keep him down, and calls Michael "GOD-DAMN, GREEDY ... SNYDER", seeming to restrain himself from calling Snyder a "greedy Jew".

Chris's violent urges against Snyder periodically came to the surface, whether it was telling [[Lars]] that he would shoot Michael if he had a gun<ref>[[Lars Call]]</ref> or wishing that the PLACe would burn down with Mike inside.<ref>[[Autism Tutorial Part 3]]</ref>

On [[6 June 2010]], Chris drove to the PLACe and Mike appeared on YouTube and commented ''"Christian is in my parking lot right now being grilled by the police. He [[Pedofork|took pictures of my daughter]] and tried to run me over with [[Son-Chu|his car]]. they witness this, and I bet they still do nothing about it."'' Chris claimed that he wanted to take a photograph of Snyder to use as a dartboard, but when Snyder saw him with his camera outside, he chased Chris. Chris claimed that he tried to drive away, but was accosted by Snyder, a woman he didn't recognize, and the police.<ref>[[6 June 2010]]</ref> Chris didn't tell his parents about this incident.<ref>[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref>

Snyder did not engage with trolls until [[2010]], when he made several [[YouTube]] comments, most notably: ''"When I go to [[CWCville|hell]], I will hold the door open for you, if not not too busy giving tours. I can't believe I've spent all these years conspiring to make your life more miserable than your fossilized parents could ever dream of. Oh, wait, I wasn't doing that, I've been too busy living my own life. I remember you as a child creeping out all the other [[pokemon]] kids, including my own, because even [[2000|10 years ago]] you were an angry, unsportsmanlike punk. Signed, That goddam Michael Snyder."''<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRJlreNexFU&lc=H4DNT6hErMgcsSRClm-pu6iLL_1ZaF0ObFCT7h6BT-k YouTube comment]</ref>

[[Matthew Noble call|A phonecall]] on 10 August 2010 indicated that [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] (and, presumably, Barb as well) shares Chris's idea of the GAMe PLACe as Troll Central: ''"Mike's been [[Kick the Autistic|persecuting him]] for years and I don't like Mike. I'd like to speak to the owner of the place I think lives up here, up the road from me. In Madison or somewhere. This whole thing is a setup from the very beginning with my son. Now I don- didn't like it then and I still don't like it. ''[...]'' Mike, and [[Megan]] are the ones that conspired together with a couple of other people- kids there that I think were [[Homos|gay]], to persecute and torment Christian for years.''

==Shit gets real (2011-)==
{{main|28 October 2011}}
[[File:Snider.jpg|thumb|250px|Artist's impression of the Jew-Spider]]
On [[28 October 2011]], just a few weeks after Bob's death, Chris and [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] launched a vehicular assault on the newly christened "Cville's Hobbies, Games, and Toys", now owned by Snyder. Chris and Barb both hit Snyder with their vehicle, injuring him, and were arrested near the scene. Both faced charges for hit and run, while Chris also had trespassing and misdemeanor assault and Barb had felony assault on a [[Jerkop|law enforcement official.]] Mike has also filed a civil suit against them both.

In a Facebook status update from 13 February 2012, Chris recounted a brief dispute with his mother, instigated when Chris flipped off a [[Jerkop]]. He concluded with a somewhat cryptic remark: "I do not want Michael Snyder's blood on my mother's hands." Whether Barbara has developed an irrational hatred of Snyder to match her son's, or whether Chris is simply being overdramatic, remains uncertain.

Despite his past history with the Chandlers, Snyder in fact pushed for leniency in the court case, as he did not want Chris to get a felony on his record. As part of the plea bargain however, he apparently insisted on his medical bills being paid in full by the Chandlers. This prompted Chris to openly refer to Snyder as a "thieving liar" in court (though Snyder himself was apparently not in attendance), showing a complete lack of gratitude to a man who had showed an amazing level of kindness considering the circumstances.<ref>[[This is how the Trial went|First-hand report by Cyan and Indigo]]</ref>

===Post-trial===

Chris claimed that he met Snyder some time in [[2013#August|August 2013]]:
{{quotebox|WTH... The same [[Manajerks|Manajerk]] of Cville's Hobbies, Games and Toys gave me the finger at [[List of restaurants#Sheetz|Sheetz]] in [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]], and threatened me with "Relax, I'm not going to hurt you" in my face at [[McDonald's|McDonalds]] in Ruckersville; both in the same Morning a few weeks ago. I did not respond to either at the times. He violate his own "restraining order".<ref>[[Facebook]]</ref>}}
Note that classic Chris paranoia, where "Relax, I'm not going to hurt you" is a threat. And his typical misunderstanding of the law - Chris is required to keep away from Snyder, not vice versa.

==See also==
*[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]
*[[6 June 2010]]
*[[28 October 2011]]
*[[The GAMe PLACe]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheRcholic YouTube account]

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Snyder, Michael}}
[[Category:Manajerks]]
[[Category:The GAMe PLACe]]

Michael Snyder

2014-05-31T23:18:42Z

Gsbr: He yells "JEW!

{{quote|'''Chris:''' I hope that God will forgive you for being so heartless and cruel, Michael Snyder! '''Mike:''' He probably will.|[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Manajerk
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:HNI 0022-cropped.jpg|225px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Michael Snyder
|-
| '''Nickname'''
| Mike
|-
| '''Birth'''
| Mid-1956 (age 58)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Religion'''
| JEW (according to Chris)
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Family'''
| Wife and daughter
|-
| '''Occupation'''
| Manager of [[the GAMe PLACe]] (to 2011) Manager and owner of Cville's Hobbies, Games, and Toys (2011-)
|-
|}

'''Michael John "Mike" Snyder''' (born mid-1956<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheRcholic YouTube account]</ref>; Hebrew: מִיכָאֵל ג'ון „מייק“ שניידר) is the [[manajerk|owner]] of [[The GAMe PLACe]] (now Cville's Hobbies, Games, and Toys), a [[video games|game]] and [[Toys|hobby]] store in [[Charlottesville]]. Chris regularly caused trouble at the PLACe and was eventually permabanned in June [[2008]]. Based on his surname, Chris came to the conclusion that Snyder was Jewish, giving him [[Niggos|yet]] [[Chris and race|another]] [[Homos|minority]] to rage at.

Due to his [[Naïve|misguided]] belief that he had genuine friends at the PLACe, Chris developed a burning hatred for Snyder over the years, describing him as a "bastard",<ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 3]]</ref> a "[[JERKS|jerk]]"<ref>[[Keep CWC's Wikipedia Up]]</ref>, a "pigheaded, stubborn Jew"<ref>[[Katie Bay E-mails 2]]</ref>, "cold-hearted"<ref>[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]</ref> and even a [[pedofork| child molester]].<ref>[[Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher]]</ref> In June 2010, Chris had a [[Son-Chu|run-in]] with Snyder when he tried to take his picture at the PLACe, and on [[28 October 2011]] both Barb and Chris got legal charges for a more serious attack.

==At the GAMe PLACe==
{{quote|That was why the Son of a Bitch Jew kicked me out of The Game Place, Permanently, After YEARS of Loyal Volunteer Service in the Pokemon TCG League. I had apologized numerously before, but he's still the pigheaded, stubborn Jew he was then.|[[Katie Bay E-mails 2|Chris, being his usual humble self.]]}}

Chris's behavior offended the store's management in a number of ways. Aside from punting his gym leader duties, he scared the small children he played card games with, picked fights with other players, and generally was a racist, homophobic creep. He would also truck his video game consoles into The GAMe PLACe and take over the shop's flat-screen TV for considerable amounts of time, loudly sing along to [[Britney Spears]] during games, pitch fits inspired by his hatred of the [[HEXBox]] in public, and so on.<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A]]</ref>

The trigger for his permanent ban in [[August 2008]] was a shouting match with a young [[niggos|black kid]]. That particular incident was merely the straw that broke the camel's back, though, as "Mike was looking for any reason to ban him at this point," says [[Mimms]].

Predictably, Chris did his best to appeal his permaban. He brought his parents in to argue his case with Michael Snyder, to which Michael responded by calling the [[police]]. Despite a fierce response from [[Barbara Chandler]], Chris and his family failed to move either Michael or the cops, and every indication is that Chris will never be allowed back into the store.

In the [[Jackie e-mails]], Chris offers his own chronology and version of events. There, he claims that he was thrown out of the store much earlier than Mimms indicates, in June 2008. The so-called "Wii Incident", according to Chris, was when Michael Snyder forced Chris to stop bogarting the TV for his Wii. Doing this apparently caused a number of children to miss out on obtaining a few trade-only evolution Pokémon. Chris got angry and wrote a letter, sign, or simply scrawled a note on the side of a card box stating "Michael Snyder Loves the "F" out of [[Mary Lee Walsh]]." This, Chris claimed, was Michael's last straw and he booted him then.

Chris is vague about why he thinks he was banned; he has said that ''"Michael was scared of me and and uh, he was afrai- and he was uh, preoccupied with his crackpot theory of me scaring his- scaring his... customers away, so he banned me from the store."''<ref>[[Sydney Kirsch]]</ref>

==Years of hatred (2008-11)==
{{Quote|And I also hope that the Game and Hobby Place in Charlottesville… [[Destruction Of Chris's House|BURNS TO THE GROUND]]! ALONG WITH MICHAEL SNYDER!|Chris|[[Autism Tutorial Part 3]]}}

[[File:AskMichaelSnyder.jpg|thumb||Chris at war with Michael.]]

On 12 April 2010, [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Chris confronted Michael]] in an attempt to get back into The GAMe PLACe. In his anger, Chris ends up [[South Park|calling him a Jew]] as an insult.

Based on comments from earlier in the audio recording, Chris seems to have jumped to his conclusion about Michael's religion on account of his last name. In fact, "Schneider" is a German surname meaning "tailor" (and "Snyder" descends from the Dutch word for "cutter"). While some German Jews might have wound up with the name by anglicizing the Jewish surname "Sznajder", it doesn't necessarily denote Jewish heritage at all. Michael himself is a goy.

In a [[100 2178|more recent video]], Chris linked Michael to a conspiracy he believes the [[Greene County]] school board have staged against him to keep him down, and calls Michael "GOD-DAMN, GREEDY ... SNYDER", seeming to restrain himself from calling Snyder a "greedy Jew".

Chris's violent urges against Snyder periodically came to the surface, whether it was telling [[Lars]] that he would shoot Michael if he had a gun<ref>[[Lars Call]]</ref> or wishing that the PLACe would burn down with Mike inside.<ref>[[Autism Tutorial Part 3]]</ref>

On [[6 June 2010]], Chris drove to the PLACe and Mike appeared on YouTube and commented ''"Christian is in my parking lot right now being grilled by the police. He [[Pedofork|took pictures of my daughter]] and tried to run me over with [[Son-Chu|his car]]. they witness this, and I bet they still do nothing about it."'' Chris claimed that he wanted to take a photograph of Snyder to use as a dartboard, but when Snyder saw him with his camera outside, he chased Chris. Chris claimed that he tried to drive away, but was accosted by Snyder, a woman he didn't recognize, and the police.<ref>[[6 June 2010]]</ref> Chris didn't tell his parents about this incident.<ref>[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref>

Snyder did not engage with trolls until [[2010]], when he made several [[YouTube]] comments, most notably: ''"When I go to [[CWCville|hell]], I will hold the door open for you, if not not too busy giving tours. I can't believe I've spent all these years conspiring to make your life more miserable than your fossilized parents could ever dream of. Oh, wait, I wasn't doing that, I've been too busy living my own life. I remember you as a child creeping out all the other [[pokemon]] kids, including my own, because even [[2000|10 years ago]] you were an angry, unsportsmanlike punk. Signed, That goddam Michael Snyder."''<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRJlreNexFU&lc=H4DNT6hErMgcsSRClm-pu6iLL_1ZaF0ObFCT7h6BT-k YouTube comment]</ref>

[[Matthew Noble call|A phonecall]] on 10 August 2010 indicated that Bob (and, presumably, Barb as well) shares Chris's idea of the GAMe PLACe as Troll Central: ''"Mike's been [[Kick the Autistic|persecuting him]] for years and I don't like Mike. I'd like to speak to the owner of the place I think lives up here, up the road from me. In Madison or somewhere. This whole thing is a setup from the very beginning with my son. Now I don- didn't like it then and I still don't like it. ''[...]'' Mike, and [[Megan]] are the ones that conspired together with a couple of other people- kids there that I think were [[Homos|gay]], to persecute and torment Christian for years.''

==Shit gets real (2011-)==
{{main|28 October 2011}}
[[File:Snider.jpg|thumb|250px|Artist's impression of the Jew-Spider]]
On [[28 October 2011]], just a few weeks after Bob's death, Chris and [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] launched a vehicular assault on the newly christened "Cville's Hobbies, Games, and Toys", now owned by Snyder. Chris and Barb both hit Snyder with their vehicle, injuring him, and were arrested near the scene. Both faced charges for hit and run, while Chris also had trespassing and misdemeanor assault and Barb had felony assault on a [[Jerkop|law enforcement official.]] Mike has also filed a civil suit against them both.

In a Facebook status update from 13 February 2012, Chris recounted a brief dispute with his mother, instigated when Chris flipped off a [[Jerkop]]. He concluded with a somewhat cryptic remark: "I do not want Michael Snyder's blood on my mother's hands." Whether Barbara has developed an irrational hatred of Snyder to match her son's, or whether Chris is simply being overdramatic, remains uncertain.

Despite his past history with the Chandlers, Snyder in fact pushed for leniency in the court case, as he did not want Chris to get a felony on his record. As part of the plea bargain however, he apparently insisted on his medical bills being paid in full by the Chandlers. This prompted Chris to openly refer to Snyder as a "thieving liar" in court (though Snyder himself was apparently not in attendance), showing a complete lack of gratitude to a man who had showed an amazing level of kindness considering the circumstances.<ref>[[This is how the Trial went|First-hand report by Cyan and Indigo]]</ref>

===Post-trial===

Chris claimed that he met Snyder some time in [[2013#August|August 2013]]:
{{quotebox|WTH... The same [[Manajerks|Manajerk]] of Cville's Hobbies, Games and Toys gave me the finger at [[List of restaurants#Sheetz|Sheetz]] in [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]], and threatened me with "Relax, I'm not going to hurt you" in my face at [[McDonald's|McDonalds]] in Ruckersville; both in the same Morning a few weeks ago. I did not respond to either at the times. He violate his own "restraining order".<ref>[[Facebook]]</ref>}}
Note that classic Chris paranoia, where "Relax, I'm not going to hurt you" is a threat. And his typical misunderstanding of the law - Chris is required to keep away from Snyder, not vice versa.

==See also==
*[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]
*[[6 June 2010]]
*[[28 October 2011]]
*[[The GAMe PLACe]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/TheRcholic YouTube account]

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Snyder, Michael}}
[[Category:Manajerks]]
[[Category:The GAMe PLACe]]

Template:Facebook

2014-05-31T23:06:52Z

Gsbr:

{{Navbox
|title= [[Facebook]]
|name=Facebook

|group1 = Facebook Posts
|list1 = [[Early Facebook Posts]] '''[[2012]]''': [[January 2012 Facebook Posts|January]] • [[February 2012 Facebook Posts|February]] • [[March 2012 Facebook Posts|March]] • [[April 2012 Facebook posts|April]] • [[May 2012 Facebook posts|May]] • [[June 2012 Facebook posts|June]] • [[July 2012 Facebook posts|July]] • [[August 2012 Facebook posts|August]] • [[September 2012 Facebook posts|September]] • [[October 2012 Facebook posts|October]] • [[November 2012 Facebook posts|November]] • [[December 2012 Facebook posts|December]] '''[[2013]]''': [[January 2013 Facebook posts|January]] • [[February 2013 Facebook posts|February]] • [[March 2013 Facebook posts|March]] • [[April 2013 Facebook posts|April]] • [[May 2013 Facebook Posts|May]] • [[June 2013 Facebook Posts|June]] • [[July 2013 Facebook Posts|July]] • [[August 2013 Facebook Posts|August]] • [[September 2013 Facebook Posts|September]] • [[October 2013 Facebook Posts|October]] • [[November 2013 Facebook Posts|November]] • [[December 2013 Facebook Posts|December]] '''[[2014]]''': [[January 2014 Facebook Posts|January]] • [[February 2014 Facebook Posts|February]] • [[March 2014 Facebook Posts|March]] • [[May 2014 Facebook Posts|May]]

|group2 = Events
|list2 = [[Brassieres For Males]] • [[Destruction Of Chris's House]]

}}
<noinclude>{{usage|1=This is a navigational template (navbox) for articles related to Chris's [[E-mails|e-mail]] correspondence. The format for using this template is as follows: 

'''<nowiki>{{</nowiki>{{PAGENAME}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki>'''

- Displays:{{ {{PAGENAME}} }}
}}

[[Category:Navigational templates|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>

Saturday Night Special

2014-05-13T22:54:05Z

Gsbr:

'''''Saturday Night Special''''' is an article written by [[Cole Smithey]] on his film critic blog<ref>http://www.colesmithey.com/articles/2014/02/saturday-night-special.html</ref>. It mostly details his coming of age, but the last two paragraphs involve [[Barbara Chandler]]. According to his recount, Barb's recklessness almost killed him and certainly left a lasting impression.

== ''Saturday Night Special'' ==
'''My Childhood, Playing with Guns'''

It wasn’t officially what the media called a “[[Wikipedia:Saturday night special|Saturday Night Special]].” Nevertheless, my [[Barbara_Chandler#Jerry_Harmon|stepdad]], a professional magician in every sense of the phrase — he was a master of sleight-of-hand and just about everything else — referenced the term so many times that that was what I called the .25 caliber revolver he kept in his nightstand drawer. It wasn’t loaded, but that wasn't because he was an especially safety-conscious man. There was a box of bullets in the drawer too. Some were loose, rolling around the bottom of the drawer unencumbered by the presence of any other items that might impede a would-be user from quickly loading it. When I was somewhere between eight and ten years of age, I played with my stepfather's gun whenever he and my mom left me alone in our second-floor apartment at 1124 West Grace Street (apartment 7) adjacent to the campus of Virginia Commonwealth University in [[Chris's homes|Richmond]]. Like many boys I wanted to become a man as quickly as possible. My dad’s stacks of Playboy and Penthouse magazines inspired me to aspire to be an oversexed version of James Bond from a young age — I remember watching a James Bond triple-feature at a drive-in (“From Russia With Love,” “Goldfinger” and “Thunderball”) with my folks. I fell asleep before the end of “Thunderball,” but “Goldfinger” made an impression.

An only child, I would spend Friday nights trying to keep awake all night because I imagined that passing this test would mean that I had the requisite stamina that being an adult required. Late-night horror movies — frequently starring Vincent Price or Boris Karloff — assisted in my weekly endeavor, as did an hourglass; alas, I accidentally broke the device and was naturally, typically and severely punished for it.

I’ll never forget the time I finally got up the courage to pull the trigger on the pistol. I had long before discovered that I didn’t possess enough hand strength to pull the trigger unless the hammer was already cocked. If you’ve never operated an old-school pistol, you may not be aware that you can pull the hammer back to a locked position that allows the trigger to be pulled easily. If you try to pull the trigger before first cocking the hammer, you have to pull the hammer back with the trigger, which takes more strength — adult strength — that I didn’t yet have.

It was a Saturday night. My parents were out who knows where doing God knows what. I wanted to see if I had the guts to put a gun that I was very sure wasn’t loaded to my head and pull the trigger. I kept rechecking the chambers of the revolver to make sure all six chambers were empty before committing to an action I intuited was one that only a confident adult — a “man,” of course — could do. Steve McQueen, Clint Eastwood, Charles Bronson were the kind of men I had in mind. I finally achieved my goal. The trigger fired into an empty chamber. I survived.

Obviously, you knew that.

My curiosity was sated. I never did it again.

Then came the night when a burglar tried to break in when my dad was out cheating on my mom. We had a steel front door. You don’t see many of those around unless you live — as I do — in a pre-war building in a big city. Some dirtbag was making no bones about trying to break down our front door. Richmond was the [[Chris and sex#Rape|rape]] capital of America at the time. The former capital of the Confederacy has always been a cesspool of violent crime, and still is. [[Barbara Chandler|My mother Barbara]] left the living room for the adjacent bedroom where said pistol sat waiting. She returned with a fully loaded gun. I stood beside her about ten feet from the door where the would-be thief was still loudly at work trying to break down the front door. My mother pulled back the hammer, attempting to cock it. But she didn’t pull it back far enough for it to lock. BLAM! The gun fired. The bullet hit the floor, ricocheted onto the steel door, then onto the ceiling, before lodging in the plaster wall less than a foot to the left of my head. The would-be thief was scared off, so mission accomplished there, but I could easily have died. I remember sticking a pencil into the hole in order to measure how far the bullet had lodged after ricocheting so many times.

We never discussed what had happened that night, but I revisited the bullet hole in our living room wall anytime I wanted to remember the event. I’ll never forget the angle of the richochet that nearly killed me.

==Sources==
<references />

[[Category:Historical Documents]]

Cole Smithey

2014-02-22T00:11:20Z

Gsbr:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:Coles.jpg|250px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Cole Smithey
|-
| '''Birth Name'''
| Joseph Cole Smithey
|-
| '''D.O.B.'''
| 24 July [[Pre-1980#1960s|1963]] (age 50)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]] (father) [[Barbara Chandler]] (mother) [[Jack Dale Smithey]] (supposed father) [[Jerry Harmon]] (stepfather) [[Robert Chandler]] (stepfather)
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Film critic, musician
|-
|}

{{quote|Let me know when that fuck [[Bob]] finally drops.|Cole<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|24 July 2007 email #3]]</ref>}}
{{quote|I do not regret giving birth to Cole.|[[Barbara Chandler]]<ref>[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-1.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 1]]</ref>}}

'''Joseph Cole Smithey''' (born 24 July 1963)<ref>''[[:Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|A CD For Cole Smithey!]]''</ref> is [[Chris]]'s half-brother, [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]]'s first son, and lone escapee of the [[14 Branchland Court|Casa De Chandler]]. Despite sharing chromosomes with Chris and being raised by the same horrible mother, Cole leads a relatively normal life. [[Cole Smithey E-mails|Cole's emails to Chris]] revealed a lot of information about the Chandler family.

==Life==

===Childhood===
[[Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|thumb|Cole's [[TRUE and HONEST]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest yearbook. Notice the physical similarity.]]

Cole grew up in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Retired life (0:16:59–0:24:22)]]</ref> As a child, Cole claims to have been physically and mentally abused by Barbara and his "stepfather" [[Jerry Harmon]] with punishments such as ass beatings, cold showers, and "bizarre scenarios."<ref name="email">[[:Image:Cole_07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref>

Barb insisted that Cole's biological father was [[Jack Dale Smithey]], to whom she claimed she was married, but records show she wasn't.<ref name="email" /> Cole suspected and later confirmed the identity of his father to be [[Ran Coleman Yeatts]], who was introduced as a friend of the family and visited when Cole was a child.

===Move to California===
Cole left home for California, attended San Diego State University from 1981–84, and earned degrees in Dramatic Art and Music. He also attended Hartnell College and San Francisco City College in similar fields of study.<ref>http://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa</ref> While at college, he became the drummer for a Poway, California punk rock band called "The Rockin’ Dogs". The band lasted from 1981–85.<ref>The Rockin’ Dogs</ref>

===Present===
Cole currently lives in Manhattan and is a film critic who is featured on Rotten Tomatoes.<ref>http://www.rottentomatoes.com/critic/cole-smithey/</ref> He was mentioned once in Time Magazine for being one of the few critics to give a negative review to Toy Story 3.<ref>http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/06/19/can-147-critics-be-wrong-meet-the-two-pundits-who-trashed-toy-story-3/</ref> He occasionally hosts [[eBay]] auctions for the winning bidder to [[Chris and his Ego|spend a night drinking with him]], proving that despite one brother being a pretentious hipster douchebag, and the other being an emotionally stunted autistic manchild, they both share the same bloated ego.<ref>http://www.ebay.com/itm/Drink-Craft-Beer-in-NYC-with-Film-Critic-Cole-Smithey-/291052352033?hash=item43c4127221</ref>

Cole regularly posts his reviews to YouTube, but his videos have hilariously low viewcounts, rarely more than a few hundred per video and sometimes not even more than a few ''dozen'', even on reviews of well-known films. Whatever the reason, this means that the various videos Chris posted to YouTube over the years were literally many thousands of times more popular than those of his theoretically more successful brother.

{{clear}}

==Relationship with Barbara and Bob==
[[File:Bobcomes home copy.jpg|thumb|left|A likely summary for Bob and Cole's relationship.]]
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|Cole smiles alongside [[Barbara]] on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Cole was not on good terms with [[Bob]] or [[Barbara]]. According to Cole, [[Bob]] worked his "bitter influence" on Barbara to separate her from Cole. He has "never met a meaner or more reprehensible Republican cur than Bob Chandler."<ref name="email" /> In multiple emails to Chris, Cole asks to be informed when Bob dies so he can celebrate.<ref>[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

Barbara continued to lie about the identity of Cole's biological father and related facts repeatedly, even on the night before Cole's wedding and even after Cole hired a private detective to find evidence contradicting her claims. It turns out Barbara was never married to [[Jack Dale Smithey]], Cole's alleged father, but rather to [[Ran Coleman Yeatts|Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts]]. In a leaked e-mail sent to [[Jackie]] on 14 May 2011, Chris wrote that "he has had mental problems since he hit his head on a bus, and has taken it out heavily on our mother." Some argue the story could be a lie Barbara told Chris to explain Cole's bitterness towards her while masking the issue that actually caused it.

Barbara visited Cole only once in 27 years, whereas Cole had made special effort to visit her several times. Cole's wife's family treats him more like family than his own.

{{clear}}

==Relationship with Chris==
[[Image:0468-CWC&JCS.jpg|thumb|The half-brothers hold their hands the same way on Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Ironically, Cole actually gets along much better with Chris than with either Bob or Barb (or at least he used to; it's unclear whether the two are still in regular contact), and possibly better than with any of his other direct relatives. Then again, when you don't actually know ''who'' your paternal relatives are, you have to take what you can get.

Cole was not around when Chris was growing up. Being nineteen years older, he was in California making a life for himself. Cole said that Barbara and Bob neglected Chris for years with the [[abusive babysitter]], which suggests that Chris's muteness in early life was their fault.

Cole visited for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday party]] in [[2000]]. Later in the same year, for Cole's 37th birthday, Chris made him ''A CD For Cole Smithey!'' Naturally, the present had little to do with Cole and [[Chris and his Ego|everything to do with Chris]], even featuring a picture of Chris on the cover. Chris further taints the CD by trying to talk like a DJ.

Chris visited Cole in California at some point, the only time Chris has been on an airplane<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> and one of only two times that he has left [[Virginia]] (the other being [[Ohio trip|his trip to Ohio]] to save [[Julie]]).

In [[July 2007]], Chris sent an email asking for Cole's vote in the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest]]. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out the truth about his father from Barbara. The timing of this request was probably not a coincidence, as Ran Coleman Yeatts had died a month prior.<ref>[http://ssdi.rootsweb.ancestry.com/ United States Social Security Death Index]</ref> Chris did ask his mother about it, but she lied once again. Chris was more interested in the ''PaRappa'' contest than his brother's plight, showing just how [[Chris and his Ego|self-absorbed]] he truly is. This resulted in Cole becoming even more bitter towards both Chris and Barbara. Suffice to say, Cole did not vote for Chris.

In [[2013]], Chris got back into [[Twitter#29_June_2013|contact with Cole]] on Twitter, basically telling him to come back home so he could [[White_knights#Chris_cares_only_for_himself|dump his responsiblities of taking care of his mother on him]] and go on his [[Sweetheart Search]]. He also suggested that Cole had some mental/physical problems of his own ''(even talking down to him at one point)'' right before activating the "Playing for Sympathy" card, lamenting his time in jail. Cole has yet to respond.

===Cole in the comics===
On the [[CWCipedia]] profile for [[Rosechu]], there is a "Professor Cole" listed as the one who gave [[Kel]] the [[Wikipedia:Pichu|Pichu]] who would become Rosechu.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:0425-CwcvilleBandStand2.jpg|Chris's gift to Cole in [[1998]]
Image:045-ColeCD.jpg|''A CD For Cole Smithey!''
Image:046-ColeCDIn.jpg|As if Barbara had any involvement with the CD.
Image:Colesmithyrockingdogs.jpg|Cole playing drums.
</gallery></center>

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://www.colesmithey.com ColeSmithey.com]
* [http://www.rottentomatoes.com/author/author-3041/ Cole at Rotten Tomatoes]
* [http://www.youtube.com/user/colesmithey/ Cole's YouTube channel]

{{Not_Jerks}}
{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Smithey, Cole}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Examples of Chris's Ego

2014-02-16T23:26:01Z

Gsbr: /* Contests */

Here's an exhaustive list of '''Examples of Chris's Ego''' in the real world and in the Sonichu Comic. The list is so long that it warrants its own page!

==In the real world==

===School===
*[[Manchester High School]] - When Chris graduated from high school, he actually cried because he believed that he deserved a number of artistic awards for his [[Chris and art|artwork]]. By his own admission, he also made a scene and ran out after getting his diploma, eventually having to be consoled by both his [[mother]] and gal-pal [[Tiffany Gowen]].
*[[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] - After being expelled for his [[Chris and anger|appalling behavior]] by the [[Mary Lee Walsh|Student's Dean]], Chris felt the need to write to the Then-Standing President of the United-States, [[George W. Bush]]. The idea that a standing President would be willing to use his clout to reverse a local community college's administrative decision is ludicrous at best.

===Public places===
*[[Wal-Mart]] - When asked to cease his solicitation, Chris refused to budge, rambled on in some stupid speech, and actually ''ran''. He would do this again in a [[Target]] soon after, only to be arrested in the process.
*[[The GAMe PLACe]] - Chris acted in this store as if he owned the place. He was rude with the patrons, abused the access to a flat-screen TV, and was an all-around pain for the manager, [[Michael Snyder]]. After many antics, he was banned from the place. Chris filmed a half-assed [[Apology to Game & Hobby Place|apology]] nine months later, not because he was sorry for his actions, but because the store was the only place that had [[Eye of Judgement]] cards. Chris has also attempted to incite harassment of employees of the store (using the very fans he had chastised mere weeks earlier), simply because Michael had refused to remove his ban.
*[[McIntire Park]] - During a newscast, Chris happened to pass by a cameraman who was videotaping someone being interviewed. As he did, he flashed his Sonichu [[medallion]] as if to say "Hey, look at me! I'm more important!" Sometime later, he appeared in a town hall meeting over the park itself. He flashed his shitty Sonichu and Rosechu drawing in a bizarre attempt to save it, then tried to interrupt the proceedings with a speech about how he didn't want to pay for a YMCA membership when the recognized speaker made the mistake of referring to him. He was no doubt trying to gain sympathy by noting that it would make an ostensible retard sad to build the YMCA. Chris also requested that the wading pool be deeper, most likely meaning the wading pool was not meant to be used by a full grown adult. Chris was promptly and thankfully shot down.

===With people===
*[[Sarah Hammer]] - One of Chris's first crushes. Chris made the small booklet ''[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]]'' in an attempt to win her over on her 21st birthday. The booklet was more a major ego trip, talking more about him and less about her, with the two of them replaced with Sonichu and Rosechu. He later cast her in his Sonichu comic and having her break up with [[Wes Iseli]] before disposing her when she was married away to [[William Spicer]].
*[[Megan Schroeder]] - For the longest time, Chris actually believed that he and Megan were going out as boyfriend and girlfriend. He even attacked someone for getting near Megan. When the infamous [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] picture was discovered, Chris actually thought that the reason she was upset was because she wasn't used to sexual things. He then tried to make Megan believe that the bullying from those amongst [[ED]] was MUCH worse than the fact that he did the picture because he was afraid of trying to rape her. He also insisted that he was under much more emotional pain than she was. Chris would later blame ED for the fact that he lost her friendship, not caring it was his fault in the first place.
*[[Jerkops]] - Thanks to Chris's various run-ins with the law, Chris has a very skewed view of law enforcement. After being tossed out of [[Wal-Mart]] and [[Target]], he deemed that security guards were evil and just trying to play [[Kick the autistic]] and prevent him from completing his [[Love Quest]]. However, following his arrest on [[28 October 2011]], Chris has now assumed that ''all'' law enforcement is evil and has gone out of his way to make sure they never take him into any sort of custody again.
*[[10 September 2009]] - Chris, in his ever-growing paranoia, automatically assumes that a possible interview from Veronica Belmont of ''PlayStation Magazine Europe'' is a troll because the person didn't leave a return number, demanding that if she truly wanted to interview him, she should come ''personally'' to his house... then starts trying to suck up to her just in case it wasn't a troll.
*[[Rejected Mailbag]] - Chris hates being proven wrong, especially about Asperger's and autism being part of the same spectrum. He also takes issue with letters that point out the flaws in his comic pages, which is interesting considering he has no problem telling fans about the flaws he finds in their fan art, calling it "constructive criticism". He's gone from simply ignoring people correcting his mistake to placing these "offending" letters in his rejected mailbag. Even more, when any of the letters mention the similarities between autism and Aspergers, he tosses them into his "Autism Mailbag" and whenever someone tries to mention anything else connected to his past, he automatically goes into a "mental block" and refuses to go any further. On 5 December 2009, Chris wrote a long essay that made little sense, which mainly consisted of him bawwwing that he was a unique and special snowflake, and that Aspies are faking fakers that take away the specialness of his autism. Despite autism and Asperger's existing in the populace long before he was born, and Chris being a [[virgin with rage]], Chris also states that he [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|"...Helped cultivate the First Generation of Autistic People".]]
*[[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|The Sonichu promotional video]] - In the Part 2 of his video, Chris shows to the camera an elegant drawing of the two main heroes of the comic book made by a fan called Allie. Not only does he proceed to comment "Rosey's tail was wrong, but I'll forgive her," he presents an actual, sub-par copy of the drawing made by himself as a better version.
*[[Chris and Copyright|Copyright claim against Vivian Gee]] - For the most part, Chris ignored the [[Audiobooks]] that were being made out of his comics. However, when he found out that they were being "sold", Chris issued [[Death threats]] against [[Vivian Gee]], threatening to kill her AND [[Clyde Cash|her family]]. He then released his own [[Official Videobooks]], which he believed to be better than Vivian's. These consisted of holding up the TRUE and ORIGINAL pages up to a camera and waving the page around as he stumbled through the dialogue, made childish sound effects, and failed to explain what was actually going on. He excused himself a month later and asked for a quote of 25% out of the donations she received for her hard work. It is worth mentioning that the excuse AND the demand for a share of the profits were in the same e-mail, separated by a single dot.
*[[Jimmy Hill]], [[Liquid Chris]] and [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]] - While Chris is more than willing to declare Sonichu as a parody so he can make his multimedia franchise, he blows his stack whenever someone ''actually'' parodies Sonichu and himself. He threatened "legal action" during the Jimmy Hill saga and went all out to prove himself the True and Honest Chris when Liquid showed up. During the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]], when Liquid threatened to go to the police over the Gun Comic, Chris was certain that the police would be more concerned over the fact that someone was impersonating him than the fact that he threatened to murder him. When Alec Benson Leary's Asperchu began to be more popular than Sonichu, Chris decided to pull a number of things, including a moment of "pot calling the kettle black" in which he decries Asperchu as crappy because it was computer drawn.
*[[Father Call]] - When talking to [[Kacey]]'s father, his ego clashed horribly against Matt's attempts to get through to his head, comparing losing a loved one to Chris losing his [[Patti|dog]], declaring that mowing the lawn (a menial task at that) was tough work and utterly missing various cues to people's hardships, such as when Matt told him that his mother pulled weeds while inflicted with arthritis. Chris could only apologize for her having arthritis, not be impressed by the feat.
*[[Evan]] - When Evan created the character "Simonchu" as a joke, Chris took it, turned it into a girl and renamed her "[[Simonla Rosechu|Simonla]]". When Evan got tired of Chris using the monstrosity, he demanded that he kill her. Chris has refused many times but in [[Mailbag 43#...Well, this is disturbing!|Mailbag 43]] took the cake: he told Evan, in detail, how his Simonchu would try to take back Simonla, how Wild Sonichu would defend and defeat Simonchu and Simonla would return to Evan's "ECGVille" and say that she didn't want to come back, all under Chris's GDC ("Great Director Chandler") powers.
*[[Shigeru Miyamoto]] - Chris was convinced that Miyamoto, who is a world-famous video game designer and creator of beloved and legendary icons like Mario and the Legend of Zelda, would not only be honored to meet him, but in fact even ''more'' honored to meet Chris than Chris would be to meet him. Then, even after having his game proposal rejected by Miyamoto, Chris still remained convinced that Miyamoto was only "holding out on [him]" and would surely accept his offer in the near future.
*[[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]] - Chris loves to hold some form of superiority over people he doesn't like, and the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Calls|calls Alec made]] to Chris are great examples. Chris calls Alec's art "crappy" several times, his reasoning being that it is drawn with a tablet, and doesn't have the "character" that his own pencil-and-paper methods apparently convey. He also tells Alec he is "obviously naïve" because he ''doesn't'' believe that cartoon and comic book characters have real feelings and hasn't been deceived countless times by trolls, and implies that he thinks Alec is pathetic in a rather snide tone of voice, despite having no real reasons to back this up. Despite Alec actually being genial to him during the first few calls, Chris attempts to insult and demean him anyway, and acts like a child being scorned when Alec inevitably becomes angered by this. In [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|one call]], Chris actually has the balls to tell Alec that there was a price to pay for making him kill off Simonla - Alec, Evan, Sean and Mao's deaths in the comic.
*[[Bob Chandler]] - On 01 [[March 2010]], Chris [[twitter|tweeted]] the sad news that Bob Chandler, Chris's father, was hospitalized with a life-threatening heart condition. Instead of asking for prayers, like many [[Chris and religion|Christians]] do, or putting his comic on hold, he whined about the [[stress]] it caused him and talked about the newest dates for release of [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu 11]]. The next day, he released [[02 March 2010|two]] [[Surfshack Tito|videos]]. Neither had any info on or mention of his father or his condition. He didn't even update [[CWCipedia|his website]] or his [[The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog|blog]] with the sad news. Here's the sum of all the love and concern Chris expressed for his Dad: one and a half lines of the 11 tweets he sent that afternoon.<ref>[http://twitter.com/CWCSonichu Chris's Twitter]</ref>
*[[Fans]] - Ever since day one, Chris has treated his fanbase like shit. He insulted one of the few fans he had, shrugs his shoulders and says "Whatever" whenever a fan tells him they were going to leave, and then he expects them to come to his aid whenever it's necessary. When Chris lost his latest [[gal-pal]] due to troll interference, not only did he attack the trolls, he also attacked his fans, claiming that they have no life of their own and comparing them to Mary Lee Walsh in trying to stop him from finding a sweetheart. Hilariously, Chris thinks that he has over a billion fans. Let's put this into perspective: The internet has close to ''two billion users''. Chris thinks he has half of them.
*[[The Wallflower]] - The Wallflower was a woman Chris hung out with outside of the Young Adult Social Group. In an article in the CWCipedia, Chris shoves the blame on The Wallflower herself, saying that she should never have had a Facebook page or Fanfiction.net page and that, because she refuses to give ''him'' an apology for this, despite the fact it should be ''him'' to ''her'', she will forever hold the guilt of breaking his heart. In addition, Chris claims that the two of them had "exchanged DNA" at the movies and that she was his girlfriend in his [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|"C-Ya Later" video]], when in reality, they were never more than friends. A recent video shows that he ''still'' thinks she was his girlfriend and he still hasn't let go of her.
*[[Trolls]] - One of the things that has enraged even casual Christorians is his smugness towards even his trolls. In Chris's own mind, he has came up with the image that they are actually [[homos]]exual [[niggos|blacks]] who are jealous of his work and are slowly becoming autistic by staying on the computer. Furthermore, he has arrived at the belief that they are only jealous of his material goods. Chris's paranoia has gotten to the point where he openly blames them for driving him out of every place he could go to and not being able to make friends.
*[[Lars]] - Even though Chris has been known for the longest time to berate [[JERKS|most other males]] for taking all of the [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]]s and leaving none for him, he was more than happy to taunt Lars like a little kid about his breakup with [[Jackie]], acting like he is actually proud of taking her away from him (With liberal use of [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4|racist terms]]) and threatening to [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|to kill him]] should he say anything about it. [[Chris and Hypocrisy|Now there's something to think about]]. However, it should be noted that this [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|isn't the first time]] [[SHE IS MINE NOW|he has done this]].
*[[Love Quest]] - A recurring requirement for potential [[boyfriend-free girl]]s, established most notably on his [[attraction sign]]s and in his [[Sonichu's_News_Dash]], is that they be age 18-[Chris's current age]. In the latter, he goes as far as to specify "18-21 years of age (18-22 as of February 24, 2004[the date on which Chris turned 22])", demonstrating that although he expects 18 year old girls to be interested in him regardless of his age, anyone so much as a ''day'' older than Chris doesn't meet his standards. Also, Chris has stated he would not date a girl with autism or any other mental disabilities, yet expects a woman to accept an autistic manchild like himself.
*[[Jackie]] - Not even his [[sweetheart]] is safe from the ego. In the final e-mail exchanges<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 21]], [[Jackie E-mails 22]] and [[Jackie E-mails 23]]</ref> between the two, Jackie, quite accurately, pointed out many of Chris's flaws, also taking the time to rationally explain what he was doing wrong and what he could do to fix things. However, Chris took it the wrong way, claiming that she was being mean to him and [[Kick the Autistic|hating]] him by pointing out his flaws, still believing himself to be flawless and special. Ultimately, but perhaps predictably, it was Chris's own ego that led to the resulting collapse of the relationship.
* [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]] - The latest of the many trolls to come after Chris, Chris's ego has ramped up incredibly after [[Calling Out|his return to the internet]]. In his first video in eight months, Chris revealed that he had dox on him and was pretty much blackmailing him to do certain things or he'd reveal those dox. Chris's demands were for him to apologize to Sony for hacking the Playstation Network (when it was other people entirely), apologize to The Wallflower for breaking her and Chris up (when it was her finding out about how sick Chris was that ended their ''friendship'', not ''relationship'' - something he never had), to pay him $1000 dollars (probably to pay for the [[PS3]] that ''he destroyed'') and to remove everything he added to the [[CWCki]] (despite the fact that anyone with half a brain could easily put back up)
* [[Michael Snyder]] - Michael has been a thorn in Chris's side since the day he was kicked out of the [[GAMe PLACe]]. At first, it seemed that Chris's animosity towards Michael was minor, that he just wanted to go back and start buying stuff again. However, after [[The Wallflower]] incident, Chris had stepped up his attempts to get back in and failing miserably. This has lead Chris to throw "anti-Semetic" "slurs" (re: calling him a "[[South Park|Jew]]"), and attempting vehicular assault at least twice. As of now, he sees Michael as some sort of ring leader for cyber-bullying and considers the GAMe PLACe to be the headquarters for it all. Though Snyder was openly lenient on the charges, Chris still called him "thieving liar" before the judge.
* [[Barbara Chandler]] - Despite [[Tomboys_And_Tomgirls_of_Virginia#Re:_Mothers|her disapproval]] of his [[Tomgirl]] shenanigans (she even tried bribing him to get him to stop wearing a bra and panties), Chris continued to parade around as a crossdresser, no doubt causing a lot of undue embarassment to his mother. From what little contact anyone had with Chris since a [[28 October 2011|certain incident]], Chris has shown no visible [[Remorse|remorse]] for getting his aging mother thrown in jail and waist deep in legal troubles since then. While he does mention Barb as being "the only person who cares about him" in a [[Facebook]] note, the note primarily focuses on his grievances with the trolls and how much they've made his life miserable. Again, this comes on the heels of the Chandlers ending up in legal troubles, which was entirely his fault.

===Online===
*[[CWC's Second Message]] - In what would be his opening attack on trying to get the trolls to remove his page following losing Megan, Chris's opening words, amazingly, were:
{{quote|Y'all should know me by now, but if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, the original creator of Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon, back on March 17th, 2000.}}
*[[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC]] - Another shining example of Chris's ego in video form: Chris expects, and even '''demands''', respect from everybody, even though Chris has never shown anybody else any kind of respect. Plus, considering all of the things he's done: adding people to his comic so that he can beat them up, [[mass debating]] on camera, discriminating against others because of [[niggos|race]], [[JERKS|gender]], and [[homos|sexual orientation]], spending taxpayer money on [[Kimmi|sex toys]] and [[PS3|video games]], uploading poorly-drawn [[ShecameforCWC.jpg|pictures]] of himself fingering [[Megan]] to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], and then blaming them for her breaking up with him; he has never done anything to warrant the respect of '''anyone'''.
*[[LittleBigPlanet]] - When Chris had shown up on LBP community and posted videos addressed to them, he once again said people "should know him by now". He immediately assumed people would praise him for his levels, especially the "Collector's Case", which he thought was the most original LBP level idea ''ever.''
*[[For G4s Web Soup|Web Soup]] - When Chris learned that one of his videos was featured on an episode, he took it as a good thing, not realizing that the show made fun of people on the Internet.
*[[Sonichu's Edge|Chris]] [[CWCFighter|and]] [[51 50|exercise]] - Many times, Chris has shown his attempts at exercising or performing some sort of strenuous feat. He considered [[Power|lifting up a chair]] to be a great feat of strength, thought that lifting two 12-pack boxes was akin to lifting two 50-pound weights, and even showed his "amazing" Parkay skills.
*[[Chris and Wikipedia|Chris and famous people]] - Chris has compared himself to [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo|Leonardo da Vinci and Michelangelo Buonarotti]] in artistic ability. He has also compared himself in ability or personality to President [[Barack Obama]], [[SingStar Challenge|Frank Sinatra]], [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|Bing Crosby]], [[Red Skelton]], Dick van Dyke, [[I Love Lucy|Ricky Ricardo]], and Jaleel White, who voiced Sonic the Hedgehog in the original three Sonic cartoons. He has also compared himself to many fictional characters such as [[Transformers|Optimus Prime]], [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], [[CWC Fighter|Chun-Li]], [[The Simpsons|Homer Simpson]], and [[Family Guy|Peter Griffin]]. Since free-riding on someone else's talents is nothing new for Chris, he saw no issue into incorporating known people in [[Chandler Family Tree|his family tree]]. This is how [[Anne Boleyn]], [[Daniel Weston]] and an unknown [[Cherokian Clan|Cherokee fellow]] appeared in his ancestry for no logical reason whatsoever. He pushed the audacity to edit many [[Wikipedia]] pages to validate his hubris. All entries have been redacted and his account was blocked.
*[[Chris E-Mails]] - Chris's massive ego manifests itself eagerly through his correspondence with other people. For example, he e-mailed the O'Reilly Factor, Dateline NBC, and NBC Nightly News at least twice, telling them about his Encyclopedia Dramatica page. Not only did he outright expect them to report on it and give it extensive television coverage, but he expected the FBI (which he also believed was apparently part of the crew for the news shows) to go after Jason Kendrick Howell. Other examples include that while he apologized to Megan for drawing [[shecameforcwc.jpg]], he told her that she owed him money, and that he tried to coax [[Anna McLerran]] and Megan into vandalizing his ED page for him. He also believed that people thought their ranking on his [[Scale of Respect]] was of the utmost importance, as illustrated by his correspondence with Mary Lee Walsh.
*[[Chris-Chan (CWCipedia)|Chris and his ED Page]] - Since Chris is a known narcissistic loon, he never liked mirrors of any kind. When the [[Jason Kendrick Howell|nice folks]] of [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] found him, they couldn't resist the urge to satirize his own existence. Said article turned into a circus whereby [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica|he tried to retract, modify, erase]], and even supply the page with [[shecameforcwc.jpg|new]] [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|material]]. In 17 [[December 2009]], he went as far as copying the main article page out of ED and edited out at his convenience.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Chris_chan]</ref>
*[[CWCipedia|Chris and his own webpage]] - When Chris was given his own webpage, he found himself bombarded with gay ads, all paid for by [[Jack Thaddeus]]. After dealing with this for months on end, Chris finally had enough and proclaimed that he wrote to currently-standing President Barack Obama in an attempt to make gay ads illegal, despite the fact that this kind of ad is still protected under free speech and even if he got the letter, there's a slim (read: zero) chance that Obama will actually listen to his whiny, fat ass. While addressing the matter, Chris proclaims himself ''the captain of this boat'' and says that without him, CWCipedia would not exist, implying that he does all the hard work on the website, ignoring all of the Sysop's efforts. In fact, CWCipedia was a privilege given to Chris and not at all something that he came up with. Chris has taken this to an absolute extreme, going as far as to suggest that he is the "Captain" of CWCipedia.
*[[Sonichu Forum|Chris and the Sonichu Forum]] - When Chris discovered a troll site filed with people pretending to be Sonichu fans, he used it to its maximum possible extent. The notorious [[Mailbag 50]] was made using hand-picked posts from the forum, selected for their copious amounts of ass-kissing. When one troll suggested that Chris [[Sonichu Forum#Chris doesn't own a mirror|wasn't much of a catch IRL]], Chris responded with anger, demanding to know what could possibly make them think that he was anything less than awesome.
*[[CWCki|Chris and the CWCki]] - On 10 March 2010, Chris ended up discovering the CWCki due to the fiasco that led to his breakup with [[The Wallflower]]. He demanded that all pages concerning him, his family and friends be altered or [[death threats|there would be trouble.]] Noticing the Wallflower's page altered, he took credit for it, not realizing that she had demanded it much earlier and had nothing to do with his earlier rant.
*[[Chris and the Internet|Leaving the Internet]] - No fewer than ''six times'', Chris has boldly claimed that he was "distancing himself from the Internet" and that the only way he would be seen would be outside. However Chris has always returned, anywhere from 36 hours to eight months after making this bold claim. In a hypocritical sense, Chris hasn't left the Internet - he's left the parts that he doesn't like anymore.
*[[Flipnote Hatena]] - After "distancing himself from the Internet", Chris decided to bide his time on Flipnote Hatena, a website that allows him to post animated creations from the Nintendo DSi program Flipnote Studio. So far, Chris has used it to spread his word over how to deal with trolls by butchering a humorous music video, thinking its creator was thinking the same thing he was, and by creating a set of "tags", listing out a bunch of lies. At the end of [[An Ol' Classic Dream]], he demands that his brainwashed, obedient fanbase give him 5 million stars in exchange for an uncensored version of the already raunchy video. When mods took down his flipnotes, Chris would put them back on, disable comments on his page, then re-allow them, and post a flipnote that should have been him apologizing for doing so, but talked more about the trolls and his "Internet Rep" than an actual apology.
*[[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|Trollbusters]] - After returning to the Internet, Chris comes up with the idea for a "Trollbusters" group, having made shirts and cars on [[ModNation Racers]]. All of this was done so he can make the Internet safe for himself. Searches through Google though, reveal that there have been other Trollbuster attempts in the past by other people and, most likely like this one, were doomed to fail.
* [[Calling Out]] - In Chris's first video since he "left" the Internet, he just had to reintroduce himself to others, almost copying word for word the same thing he said when first began his attack on the trolls. As well, he stood to reveal that the Playstation Network hackings weren't the work of a series of hackers, but by Surfshack Tito himself.
* [[Facebook]] - On 1 April 2012, Chris posted a note on his Facebook, talking about how all of his [[trolls]] know nothing about him, that what they've said and done is totally uncalled for and that the only person who cares about him is [[Barbara]] and he would rather not meet anyone who might be a troll. This is despite the fact that numerous [[white knight]]s have attempted to tell Chris to straighten up or he's going to die and some of the trolling attempts were attempts to get him to do just that. And all of them were ignored. Later on, on the 28th April, 2012, Chris placed screenshots on the CWCki forums, and started bragging about 'deceiving the trolls' despite them merely making small talk over his announcement about re-using the Attraction Sign. Even more telling, though, is his claim that he knows where every user lives, that that he'll [[Death threats|find them all]].

===Contests===
*[[Harvey Birdman Commercial]] - In an attempt to win a contest involving the animated avian lawyer, Chris went to great lengths to talk about himself, his rivalry with [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and [[Sonichu]], but very, ''very'' little about Birdman himself.
*[[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]] - In his reviews of the top 10 videos, Chris highly praised his entry and claimed it was the best. After losing the contest to [[Adam Stackhouse]], Chris would have a major hissy-fit over the loss, proclaiming even the slightest mistake as cheating, despite the fact that Chris himself had broken numerous rules in the process. Even worse, he attempted to fabricate the PlayStation webpage to show that he himself had won and not Adam.
*[[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes]] - After [[trolls]] caused Chris to win the contest in a misguided attempt to troll the entire gaming community, Chris vowed to spend his winnings (a $400 USD gift card) with his church. Instead, he barely spent half of it towards the church, taking the rest (approximately over 200 dollars) for himself.

===Other===
*[[Mumble 3]] - While talking to Clyde, Chris tells him that the reason why he doesn't have a job is because he has so many awesome skills, he just can't choose one.
*[[Mumble 4]] - When Clyde asks Chris what kind of job he thinks he's qualified for, Chris says, "If anything, I'm overqualified...[for] every type of job available!"
*[[Chris and health]] - Chris hates to be called fat. Deep in his mind, he honestly thinks he's the same somewhat skinny child he was ten years ago, despite the fact that he has a gut and his hairline's retreating at an alarming rate. While he refuses to accept his baldness, he actually is claiming to be working on his gut. Beyond that, he refuses ''professional'' psychological help and honestly believes stuff such as autism and homosexuality are easily caught diseases.
*[[Homos]]exuality - Given his passion for STAYING STRAIGHT, in [[Kacey Call 22]], Chris actually seems bemused by the idea that gay men don't find him attractive enough to "lure off the straight path."
*[[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|His Church]] - In a recent [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|call to arms against Asperchu]], Chris reveals that he believes he can use his current congregation as a personal army.
*[[Copyright|His copyright]] - If there is one thing Chris takes pride in, it's his "official" Sonichu copyright. With this, he feels as if he can actually make his multimedia empire with no one to stop him. When he first got the paperwork, he boasted it not even a day after he lost Kacey to Liquid Chris, more or less telling her she got stuck with a loser. He also attempted to set up a bunch of videos trying to sell Sonichu to other companies. In his second "I'm leaving the Internet FOREVER" video, he uses the copyright again to boast that he has won over the trolls.
* [[Car Pranks|His answering machine]] - When a number of trolls attempted to call Chris over a Craigslist listing of his car, one of the calls got to his answering machine. The recorded message says that his lawyers and a doctor of some sort advise him not to take any interviews due to too much information being leaked, then calls the trolls "trollin' stupid."
* [[100 2178|Greene County School Board]] - In one video, Chris proclaims that the Greene County School Board, who sought to help Chris when he was younger, initiated a massive conspiracy against him in order to keep him in his "autistic shell". This also included paying off a Realtor to keep their house from being sold and paying off Michael Snyder to keep him out of the GAMe PLACe.
*In a [[Media:HelpHaitSonichu.jpg|one-page spread]] designed to spread awareness of the victims of the earthquake in Haiti (and likely done only in response to a [[:File:Haitihelp.JPG|similar ad]] featuring Asperchu), Chris drew all the human victims being dwarfed by four and a half foot tall hedgehogs. The human children, sitting beside [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|a bunch of furry runts]], are to scale less than a foot tall. Topping it all off was the inclusion of Simonchu in order to spite [[Evan]]. To Chris, it's more important that his (stolen) recolor abominations have more exposure than the people he's trying to help.
*Similarly, the [[:File:Sonichu Rosechu Save McIntire by Cwcipedia.jpg|poster]] ostensibly designed to be a protest sign features the aforementioned recolors more prominently than the [[McIntire Park|message]] of the sign.
*[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|Forgiveness Blessings]] - Much like his lord and master GodJesus, Chris believes he has the power to forgive those who have sinned against him, essentially the opposite of his [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] attack. Apparently, Chris is so arrogant, he thinks he can use his [[Chris and religion|retard magic]] to cleanse the souls of the [[trolls|wicked mortals]] who dare to play [[Kick the Autistic]] instead of worshipping him, and has done so [[One Blessing, and One Curse|on]] [[Light His Mind's Darkest Hour|numerous]] [[XBox is OK.MOV|occasions]].
*[[Exposing Jeff]] - Despite acknowledging that Liquid knows three different tongues (in addition to his native English) and how to play the guitar, Chris still says that he can be "so much better".
*[[DivineTrial]] - [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]] is put to trial by Chris ([[Chris and cosplaying|cosplaying]] as Divine), who acts as a prosecutor, judge, jury and a one man firing squad. Apparently [[PandaHalo|Panda]]'s rape wasn't serious enough to be put into the charges against Clyde, though his various acts of trolling against Chris were.
*[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]] - The cover features a picture of Chris with a [[Chris and religion#Delusions of Godhood?|halo]] made mostly out of Pokémon energy symbols floating over his head.
*[[Virgin with rage|Losing his virginity]] - After losing his ever-so-hated virginity, the news of it spread across the troll community with one thing in mind - it could not have happened. When Chris finally admitted it, he talks down to the trolls, vowing never to reveal what had happened.

==In the comic==

{{quote|I did an AWESOME FUCKIN' JOB|Chris}}

While [[Issue 0]] and [[Issue 1]] do focus on Sonichu, [[Chris-Chan]] takes over as the main character throughout [[Issue 2]], [[Sonichu 5|Issue 5]], [[Sonichu 6|Issue 6]] and [[Sonichu 7|Issue 7]], with [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] as a supporting character, and even when he does appear, he's shouting some retarded praises about Chris. [[Sonichu 8|Issue 8]] and [[Sonichu 9|Issue 9]] see Sonichu taking back his major role as the main character, but he's basically just a Mary-Sue analogy for Chris. The main story arc of [[Sonichu 10|Issue 10]] is the resurgence of Chris and his elimination of every enemy he has so far. He also portrays himself as skinny and handsome, although this doesn't happen till said ''Issue 2'', and will pull powers out of his ass. He even makes several episodes that dramatize events he had in real-life, with the extremely self-indulgent fantasies that are described below.

Chris's ego is in full bloom in the comics. The name of the city in which he and his Electric Hedgehog Pokémon strive to protect is known as [[CWCVille]]. The city's currency is C-Quarters and W-Quarters. One of the major drinks in this city is known as [[CWC Cola]]. The radio station is called "K-CWC"; the hotel is called the "Double CWC"; even his [[Wikipedia:Hyrule|Hyrule]] ripoff is called "[[RuleCWC]]". Basically, everything is named after Chris. The Sonichus and Rosechus he created proclaim him "father". No one in his city cares if he slacks off from his job as Mayor. He even goes so far as to proclaim that there are no elections when he proclaims [[BILLY MAYS]] is NOT the True and Honest mayor of CWCville.

===Instances of Chris's ego in the comics===
[[Image:Issue4.jpg|thumb|An entire book of Chris hurting people he hates]]
*'''[[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]:''' While this is the smallest amount of screen time he's ever had in the comics, he generally steals the scene to himself. Sonichu tries to make a point about how "[[lie|creative]]" the comics are if that, and generally trying to make it seem like he deserves a girlfriend for drawing this retarded piece of fail.
*'''[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]:''' Again, Chris's existence in the comics is very minor, confined to Sub-Episodes and a sudden appearance, mocking how ridiculous a singing and dancing [[Doctor Robotnik]] is.
*'''[[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]:''' His portrayal of [[Wes-Li Sonichu|Wes-Li]] counts, despite not really knowing Chris in [[Chris and Reality|real life]] he still gets portrayed as a villain. He also openly admitted he didn't want Sarah to see anyone else in a text-walling portion of the comic, yet still calls Wes-Li greedy for not wanting to be a part in CWC's retarded conversations. He also draws [[Sarah]] pinning Wes-Li to a tree & breaking up with him, just because she thought Chris being jealous of her was sweet. He is also drawn whining about how he lost Sarah, and essentially tells Wes to "buck up", even though he's the first one to make a scream when he lost a [[Hanna|one-time date]]. [[Mary Lee Walsh]] also appears as a villain.
*'''[[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]]:''' This issue has a semi-fictionalized account of an incident Chris had with the managers of McDonald's. He was loitering and soliciting, and they threw him out. In his comic book, however, Chris exclaims that the Jerkops are conspiring against him, preventing him from finding true love. He turns into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and defeats them with the help of [[Darkbind Sonichu]], who admits he only helped because Chris was his creator.
*'''[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]:''' It's all about Chris here. Sonichu and Rosechu are nowhere to be seen, except for one cameo each in separate sub-episodes. This issue was all about Chris's semi-fictionalized misadventures at Wal-Mart, Target and McDonald's, and pitted him constantly against the Jerkops and Mary Lee Walsh, for they dare to interfere with his [[Love Quest]]. Unlike IRL, Chris can (and does) pwn them in the fantasy world of his comics. This issue also includes the account of Chris's encounter with IRL troll [[Hannah]], who raised his [[heart level]] to 100% just to smash it down to 15%.
[[Image:Sammyandchris.jpg|thumb|Chris as he is vs. Chris as he sees himself.]]
*'''[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]]:''' This issue has Chris write Sarah Hammer out of the comic so he could focus exclusively on [[Megan Schroeder]], the new object of his desire. While Sarah did marry a man named [[William Spicer]], Chris was not present at her wedding, and had never met Spicer, as he was represented in the comic by a generic [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] character. The next episode has Chris fawning over Megan, and she over him. In reality, Megan saw Chris only as a friend, and was constantly rebuffing his advances. The episode features two different endings because Megan either did not like the original ending or objected to being featured in the comic at all.
*'''[[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]]:''' The [[Patti Chandler]] Memorial Issue, where his dead dog becomes a member of CWCville. In the only other episode in this issue, Chris has [[Bionic]] ask him to create a sweetheart for him, but Chris, being a lazy fuck, hooks him up with Megan's character [[Megagi La Skunk]]. Chris would later claim Megan's character as his own.
*'''[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]:''' Chris is envious of Bionic's ability to screw Megagi until Megan holds his hand, again implying romance where none exists. This issue contains the stupid time-travel plot where they go back in time to the moment Chris created Bionic, and the scene randomly segues into a [[Family Guy]] style scene he gives Seth McFarlane full permission to use (Coincidentally, or not, the first few minutes of the ''Road to Germany'' episode of Family Guy bears a close resemblance to this "skitch"). After Chris gets trapped in the time void, he mixes both fake memories from the comic with real ones, like Megan "dumping" him and his denial of having drawn [[Shecameforcwc.jpg]] (he blames it on [[ED]], even though he was the one that drew it and uploaded it onto that site), Mary Lee Walsh's invasion of CWCville and her defeat at the hands of the Sonichus and Rosechus, and [[Joshua Martinez]] hooking him up with [[Vanessa Hudgens]]. In the other episode, he introduces his Sweetheart-of-the-moment Blanca and her creation [[Jiggliami]], who Chris would later claim as his own, as well as featuring an interview with anti-troll [[Robert Simmons V]] about how awesome Chris is.
[[Image:Momentary Escape.JPG|thumb|Chris rends space time asunder to punch some guy. On the plus side, that does look a little bit like him.]]
*'''[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]:''' While free of Chris the character, the comic was not free of Chris's warped psyche. He drew a sex scene between Sonichu and Rosechu for no other reason than to draw porn of his characters, and gave a detailed account of their reproductive systems. Remember, Sonichu is supposed to be a children's comic, as Chris has stated numerous times. After having his characters have sex for the fifty billionth time, he inserts the hideous [[Rule 34]] he drew into the storyline by having Rosechu come across it while using the internet. In a blatant display of Mary Sueism, Chris uses Sonichu to comment on his hideous drawings by saying that they are "so lifelike", and he also has Sonichu gag and barf at the sight of fan drawings from Chris's ED page of Rosechu with a "pickle". Next there are multiple (traced) nude images of Rosechu, which the plot indicates is to prove that she doesn't have a "pickle". Later on, after Sonichu and Rosechu storm [[4-cent garbage.com]], which is a thinly veiled portrayal of ED, she strips again and face-rapes [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the guy who created Chris's ED page, putting him into a state close to death. Even later, all the Rosechus in the comics decide to strip for "[[Women's rights]]"...well, all except [[Zapina|one underaged one]], who can't strip because of the "[[Pedofork|dumb laws]]". It must be noted that this entire storyline was a result of Chris being trolled hard by the people over at ED, who drew fan art of Rosechu with a dick to make Chris RAGE...and RAGE he did. An epilogue has former sweetheart [[Sarah Jackson]] killed by [[Optimus Prime]]; another former sweetheart, [[Blanca]], returned to Kentucky and her boyfriend, which makes no fucking sense storyline wise. The truth is that she was a troll and Chris failed at writing her out; a two sentence memorial to [[Ryan Cash]] and a dedication to Sweetheart-of-the-moment [[PandaHalo]].
[[Image:Billboard.JPG|thumb|They're better off without him.]]
*'''[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]:''' Lacking Sonichu to use as his mouthpiece, Chris invented [[Reginald Sneasel]] to use as his stand-in during the first episode, and Reginald even goes to retarded lengths to break up a romance between [[Punchy]] and [[Layla]] in a similar way that Chris meddled with Wes and Sarah. After Reginald's plan fails, [[Angelica Rosechu]] approaches him, and they quickly jump into the sack together, echoing Chris's own belief that the woman must make the first move, out of pity, and put out as soon as possible. This episode also introduces Chris's retarded [[Dating Education]] concept and applies it to his characters. Chris also inserts his Sweetheart-of-the-moment [[Ivy]] into the comics in a plotline that goes nowhere, and has a thinly-veiled version of former sweetheart Sarah Jackson as the Date Ed teacher. Chris then makes a callous reference to Sarah's death by Optimus Prime via a representation of her sister Rita. When Rita informs the class about her sister's death, the assorted characters appear to not give a fuck, nor do they make any attempt to console the poor grieving woman that is now stuck teaching their class. Also in Sonichu 9, Chris depicts PandaHalo dying in a fire. He seems to think this is a fitting tribute. He also shopped a caricature of himself onto a billboard in the background, with a caption begging him to return to the mayor's office. Recent additions have shown the addition of a [[Power Rangers]] team, the CWC-Power Rangers, as well as a gruesome description of Ivy dying by being hanged.
*'''[[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]''' With Chris back in the saddle, he proceeds with his master plan to get rid of all of those who troubled him in real life. Even worse, he apparently was able to deceive his future wife into think he was his future self and did the nasty with her. On top of this, he proclaims that he helped create the cure for homosexuality and plans to bring about straightness by stealing all those vaccines, bringing them to the present, and distributing them right there! Chris-Chan Sonichu defeats some "devil trolls", but can't resist imitating Zorro and spelling "CWC" in the air with his epic blows and kicks (this could be a trifecta: unoriginal, egotistic, ''and'' physically implausible). As the comic continues, he attacks the 4-cent_garbage HQ, using the characters [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] and [[Beel]] to condemn [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]] for being homo trolls who "slander and tarnish an innocent man's good name", then proceeds to make the latter two jump to their deaths, just as he wishes. Even more, he destroys the building, kills about 200 trolls and proclaims that both ED and 4-cent_garbage's websites were lost forever, despite the fact that most websites nowadays have back ups waiting for just such an emergency. Soon after, Magi-Chan returns from the future, reporting that the gay vaccine has/will be proven to be a worldwide success and that [[1982|February 24th]], 2009 will be proclaimed Christian Love Day in his honor. Yes, really. Then Chris immediately manages to top this when his God complex manifests itself in the form of [[Collosal Chan]] and [[Ultra Sonichu]]. Both are portrayed as blatantly messianic figures, especially Ultra Sonichu who works like Chris's version of Jesus who saves [[Asperchu]] characters from "[[Liquid Chris|The False God In Brown Strips]]" and Aspergers by granting them the forgiveness of Chris, which can only be received by praying to him. Chris later denied that he tried to set himself up as God, but at the same time he more than insinuated that he is just as awesome. Later in the issue, as he issues an apology over what he had done concerning Asperchu, he puts Alec, Mao, Evan, and Sean on a mock trial for the murder of Simonla Rosechu, pulls evidence out of their asses and gets them sentenced to death, via cruel and unusual forms of execution- two of which Chris himself participates in!
*'''[[Sonichu Special 4]]:''' Chris steals [[Kacey]] from [[Liquid]] for "not treating her right", bursts into the house (note that Kacey doesn't seem to be in any real danger), blows out a disarmed Liquid's kneecaps with a [[Megatron pistol|handgun]], and draws Kacey's military family telling praises about Chris, and generally negative comments towards Liquid. However, Karma would later [[Kacey and Liquid Call|come back to bite him]] after Kacey and Liquid read the strip.

==Christian Love Day==

[[Image:Love-Day.jpg|thumb|250px|[[Magi-Chan]] describes Failmas, and expresses his severe disappointment with a startling lack of accuracy.]]
'''Christian Love Day''' is a proposed holiday mused upon by Chris in the CWC blog entry of 7 January 2010. It made an appearance in [[Sonichu 10]] on the same day. As described in the events of the comics, on 24 February 2009 [[Magi-Chan]] completed his mission of distributing Chris's Gay Vaccine to the world. "[[Chris and religion|Thanks to the blood of Christian Weston Chandler]]," all Homosexuality and, in a startling display of overkill, [[Megan Schroeder|Asexuality]] are eradicated. Chris uses this as an excuse for a second Valentine's Day late in the month. Presumably, the day will be celebrated with unabashed, BUT STRAIGHT, monkey sex.

===Significance===

{{quote|Upon reflection, February 24 SHOULD be a Holiday of sorts (even a Second Day for Love in addition to Valentine's Day), because the day, to me at least, just FEELS like a Holiday, in addition to it being my Birthday. I have looked it up before, and it is some sort of forgettable (Holi)day in Mexico or somewhere. February 24 Should have More Significance and Recognition like a Holiday.|[[Chris]], in his [[CWC Blog]] for 7 January, 2010}}

Chris bases the holiday not only on his horrifically misguided and disturbing Gay Holocaust, but grants it full significance for being his birthday. Chris actually believes a milestone date in his amateur webcomic should be celebrated worldwide, because he "feels" like it should, especially since it "feels" like a holiday to him, neglecting that everyone tends to view their own birthday as a holiday. He attempts to mask this fact with ill-researched hear-say. The "forgettable" holiday occurring on the 24th is [[Wikipedia:Flag Day in Mexico|Mexican Flag Day]], celebrated at most with a flag ceremony in elementary schools and maybe a short lecture on the history of the Mexican flag. This is notable for being both a minor, yet momentous holiday, doubly defeating Chris's point. On a historical note, it was the same day the [[Wikipedia:February_24#Events|Nazi Party]] was founded, way back in 1920.

Interesting to note is the celebration of a "man"(child) giving his [[Navy|"blood"]] to "save" the population of the [[CWCville|Earth]] from [[Homosexuality|"damnation"]]. [[Chris and religion|Chris thinks he's Jesus]]. Big surprise.

===The Declaration===
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|250px|True and Original Declaration of the Christian Love Day. Also, notice how he has buttocks on his front.]]
{{quote|Good morning. In less than an hour, Sonichu fans from here will join others from around the world as you will be witnessing the largest personal change in the history of mankind. Mankind...that word should have new meaning for us all today. We cannot be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it is fate that today is Metsico's flllag day. And we will once again be saluting an image of our freedom. Not just from trolling, loneliness, or persecution, but also from heartbreak. We are fighting for our right to love, to be honest, and when the sun sets today, the twenty-fourth of February will no longer be known as only a Metsican holiday, but as today the Sonichu fans declared what wuv was. We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We are going to live on! We are going to survive, to celebr--today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!|Chris, totally not [[Things Chris has ripped off|ripping off]] the movie ''[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Independence_Day_%28film%29 Independence Day]''}}

Chris is so engrossed by the idea, that he went as far as [[Christian Love Day (video)|making a video]] for the occasion, asking his army of [[fans]] to celebrate his hubris. To remove any doubt about the issue, he [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|admitted to Alec Benson Leary]] that he does indeed believe he is important enough to have his birthday celebrated across the country. On the other side, he denies ever writing the declaration, claiming a [[Troll|friend]] did it for him, and says he saw the movie ''Independence Day'' only once.

{{clear}}

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Chris and his Ego]]
*[[Sub-Episodes]]

{{Lists}}

[[Category:Lists]]

Jackie E-mails 23

2014-02-16T23:14:40Z

Gsbr: He doesn't say he's no longer fat, he says he'

This page lists emails exchanged by [[Chris]] and [[Jackie]] from 22 to 26 [[November 2010]].

In response to his apathy, Jackie sends Chris a tirade of angry emails. She explains that regular women don't want to have "friends with benefits", because those kind of relationships are not really about the friendship at all and too much about the benefits. She also says Chris is ill-equipped for a purely sex-based relationship, due to his unattractiveness, before pointing out how little Rocky has done for him.

Chris retaliates with surprising claims that his [[duck]] grew/is no longer bent and that he's not fat. In spite of Jackie's insightful critique, Chris fails to respond to the bulk of it, instead taking a chunk of it completely out of context to compare himself to distressed women who want shallow relationships. In response, Jackie lists the reasons why he is so widely disliked, immediately blowing some of Chris's claims out of water, and sardonically wishes Chris a happy Thanksgiving.

Chris ignores Jackie's words of wisdom on the grounds that she hurt his feelings and accuses the world of being "[[autistic]]-like" and "unsympathetic", which Jackie again points out is just his way of preserving his ego and ensuring he never has to change. Chris once again condemns social networking and the [[Internet]], to which Jackie reacts with suspicion - Chris claims to reject her advice for the sole reason that she gave it over the Internet, ignoring the fact that [[Barb|nobody's]] [[Rocky|helping]] him offline.

Chris resigns by point-blank telling Jackie that all she has said previously is just meaningless hate. Jackie offers a final summary that doesn't paint a too good picture.

{{Email|November 22, 2010 - 5:13pm

Hey Chris, I haven't heard back from you recently. I thought maybe you were confused about something I said. Let me reiterate some of my points for you so that you can better understand (reread this several times if you need to, I had a lot of ground to cover and it got pretty long by the time I was done writing it):

A self-respecting girl would not want a friends-with-benefits arrangement with a guy. No girl who knows her own value has any reason to want that sort of repugnant relationship. A self-respecting girl wants a real relationship with a guy. But that alone isn't what made your words to me insulting. What made what you said to me insulting was that we had spent months trying to build the basis of a relationship, but you just stomped all over it the whole time and acted like you didn't even want to be part of it. But you lied to me for months and told me you did want to be part of it. You eventually owned up and admitted your desire to be with me was a lie, but then you thought I would have some compelling reason to actually want to sleep with you after all that you had done to me. You basically told me "hey [[Jackie]], I don't really feel like putting out the effort to make you happy anymore, but I still want you to come give me free [[sex]]." Not a good way to make a girl feel special, Chris.

All that notwithstanding, I'm not holding a grudge against you. I want to be your friend, so I'm going to be helpful and lay out the facts for you so you know what you're working with. there are some girls who are perfectly willing to have a casual sex-based relationship with no strings attached. However, these girls always possess the same two qualities:

1) They usually have some kind of psychological hang-up, whether it be that they have terrible self-esteem and hate themselves, or they feel like no one could love them or that they don't deserve a real relationship, or something like that. Basically, every minute they are in this sort of hollow mockery of a relationship, they are in pain and suffering. But you probably wouldn't care about any of that, since all you want to do is fuck them and then ignore them.

2) The thing that I bet you WILL care about is that those women only care about the shallowest aspects of men. By that I mean that they want guys who are [[Liquid Chris|good-looking]], [[Clyde Cash|muscular]], [[Surfshack Tito|manly]], and have big [[pickle|dicks]]. You do not fit any of those criteria, Chris. You are significantly [[Obesity|overweight]] and flabby, you have virtually no muscle, your skin is pasty and your forehead is covered in acne scarring that is the most readily visible thing about you even in a low-light, low-resolution picture or video. Your [[hair]] is thinning and looks stringy and greasy all the time because you don't take care of it, your body isn't getting the nutrients it needs to maintain it, and you probably don't wash it all that much. [[ECV 00002|When you dressed up as]] [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], your distended gut was hanging so low it completely covered your belt buckle and much of the front of your pants, it reminded me of when [[Family Guy|Peter Griffin]] is naked and they don't have to blur his genitals because his giant gut covers them completely. All of those are things that you could take care of if you actually tried, but you just stuff yourself with fast food, soft drinks, and [[:File:Kroger sighting.jpg|Hungry Man dinners]] all day and night and make no effort to exercise or keep in shape, which is why you can't do a single pull-up and your body is falling apart before you've even turned 30.

Also, your [[Duck|penis]] is rather small and bent at an awkward angle, girls who want an FWB arrangement just want the biggest, straightest dicks they can find. And trust me, they don't have trouble finding them. For every one of a guy like you, there are five or ten guys who actually take care of themselves physically that these girls can choose from instead. Oh, the other thing is that those girls will often forgive a less-than-attractive physique if the guy in question has a lot of money to spend on them. But having never tried to pursue an actual career (or earn [[money]] with your comics, which you have claimed many times you always wanted to do) means you have no money, either. So basically, you have nothing that an FWB-type of girl would want.

Now, if you want a girl who would look past all of the superficial stuff, you'd need to find a girl who wanted an honest relationship - a girl like me ;) Now, as I'm sure is obvious, I looked past your physical appearance, lack of money, and so on because I wanted to see what your personality is like. A lot of good girls will go for a guy who has a great personality, because that's probably the most important quality a person can possess. Now, consider that I gave you a lot of chances to show me what kind of personality you have.

In all our time communicating with each other, you showed that you are incredibly petty and vindictive. You showed that you care nothing for other peoples' property or livelihood, as evidenced by the ridiculous grudge you still possess against [[Michael Snyder]]. You went into [[The GAMe PLACe|the store]] he was in charge of running, you hogged his TV to play your own games, even though he never owed you that, and then when he tried to assert his dominance over the business HE runs, you scrawled vile graffiti slandering him in his own store, and you refuse to play by the rules and force him to ban you. And YEARS go by and you STILL hold this childish grudge to the point of repeatedly trespassing on the store's property and taking pictures of his children in a threatening manner. You are hateful and judgmental toward entire groups of people you know nothing about. You hate [[Homos|gays]] for absolutely no reason, you are afraid of [[Niggos|black people]], you think calling someone a "[[jew]]" is an insult, and yet you still get super self-righteous and act all offended whenever you think someone is disrespecting you because they don't like your autism. You are a hypocrite of immense proportions, always holding other people to standards of behavior that you believe you yourself have no obligation to follow. You criticize other people for social networking, saying "the internet is turning them autistic", even though you sit at home playing your [[Playstation 3]] ALL DAY LONG. [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|You throw words from the Bible]] at people when they do something that offends you even though you [[lie]], cheat, steal, want premarital sex, [[Death threats|threaten bodily harm/murder]] on others, and a whole host of other activities that God doesn't like. And whenever you are cornered and can't explain away your rampant egotism and hypocrisy, you will just claim that "the trolls" are responsible for all your problems, great and small, and act as though your bad internet experience excuses you from having to take responsibility for anything.

And what's more, you expect others to do everything for you and offer nothing in return. You treat Samantha like she's your personal secretary and like she should do all the hard work to make your life better, and for a while now you've treated me the same way. Whenever either of us offer you an idea of how to deal with some problem of yours, you come up with some rationalization why you are too lazy to do it and beg us to do it for you instead. You'll complain about the same problems over and over but you refuse to consider any solution that is offered to you. You have talked down to me, insulted me, lied to me repeatedly (I know you have lied to Samantha countless times), refused to do something I asked you to do many, many times, yet you still expect me to be some perfect girlfriend who makes you happy all the time. You complained about our IM conversations being stressful and said they "could be construed as arguments", just because I had a different opinion than you on things and wanted you to back up your belief instead of just believing things for no reason. You place your prized video games above all other concerns in your life, you drop the majority of what little money you have every month on video games and then whine about how you don't have the money you would need to accomplish actual goals. You complain about other people being addicted You make excuses that "once we're together, then you will improve yourself", suggesting that you expect me to be a babysitter and give your life direction because you are too lazy to give it direction yourself. If you had been a good person, things might have turned out different between us. But you proved your inside was even uglier than your outside.

The most succinct way to put why you are not currently ready to be with a girl is that you want to be taken seriously as an adult man even though you are a person who sits in [[Chris's room|your room]] playing video games all day, [[Monthly tugboat|leeching money off the government]] that could be going to people who are homeless and starving and at the same time convincing yourself that God WANTS you to have free money, has no goals, no aspirations, and no direction, who avoids any and all work like the plague, whines about [[Bob|his father]] telling him to do chores to real adults who have to work 60 hours a week and take care of themselves, all the while growing fatter, balder, greasier, and closer to death off your diet of fast food and Hungry Mans and a total lack of exercise or activity. You need to change all of these things about yourself before a relationship (fwb or not) with any girl is practical.

Well, that was pretty long, I admit, but it's ground that needed to be covered. I feel kind of better now that we're just going to be friends instead of pursuing a relationship - I feel like I can be brutally honest about things that I always felt strongly about, but had to kind of sugercoat because our relationship was something different. Friends can sometimes be honest in ways that romantic partners have difficulty with. (You might be wondering, after I just got done explaining why you are such a bad friend, why I would want to be your friend - and that's a valid point. Well, I want to be your friend because I think it is possible for you to change, become good, and get the things you want, and it's not hurting me to help you to try.)

One more thing: I have to ask you, again, what Rocky has really done for you. Has Rocky helped you get a girlfriend and/or sex partner? No, you're still alone and a [[virgin]]. Has she helped you get healthy or develop a means of interacting with adults? No, you still live like a slob and play with toys all day. You are severely depressed because you don't have a social life, but she hasn't helped you with that. All she tells you is that nothing is your fault and that your problems will be solved when the trolls are all gone. Well, when the trolls are all punished, you'll still be a lonely, depressed virgin with no real social life, no job, no hobbies, and nothing significant in his life. Why don't you ask Rocky to help you with your actual personal problems, instead of just blaming the trolls for everything? I'M trying to help you by pointing out things you need to change about yourself. Doesn't Rocky? Or does she just tell you that it's okay to sit on your ass playing video games and doing nothing with your life? I've got news for you, if that's what she's telling you, it's because she believes you're too retarded and stupid to accomplish anything and she's just humoring you.

Anyway, I know this probably sounds all pretty brutal and shocking to you. That's why I want you to save this email and reread it, over and over. Read it again each day, so the shock can fade but my message can sink in. Because you really need this message to sink in, Chris. You need to do something different with your life. If you don't, then the life you have now is all you'll ever have.

Write me back,

Jackie}}

{{EmailReply|November 23, 2010 - 6:34pm

Well, I have not replied lately, because I have been emotionally suffering and lost iin thoughts of my own with my own confusions and lost paths.

Second, in response to your last message, when you described "such a woman", you essentially spelled out how I've been eeling for a long time. I have felt like I was one of them who have "some kind of psychological hang-up, whether it be that they have terrible self-esteem and hate themselves, or they feel like no one could love them or that they don't deserve a real relationship, or something like that. Basically, every minute they are in this sort of hollow mockery of a relationship, they are in pain and suffering." Congratulations, you put my situation in life in better words than I could have ever.

And I do not appreciate the hurtful insults I have read after hat directed towards me. [[Duck|My dick]] is bigger than previously photographed, and it is no longer bent. And I am not overweight. Two wrongs do not make a right, so at this point, I'll leave you to think about how much more hurt you've made me.}}

{{Email|November 23, 2010 - 7:33pm
Hi Chris.

I have been thinking about the stuff I said to you, and will continue to do so. But I do not feel guilty in the least about it. Everything I told you was the complete and utter truth. And as I explicitly told you, I set out with only that purpose - to make you face the truth. I didn't set out to hurt you. I certainly did not set out to wrong you just because you wronged me out of believing that "two wrongs make a right". And what you call being "hurt", I call being knocked off your high horse and forced to accept some humility, which is something you desperately needed. You have believed for far too long that you deserve to have all your desires handed to you on a silver platter and that you shouldn't have to work to earn any of it. I set out to end that. So if you're expecting me to feel guilty or remorseful over trying to set you right, you're in for a yet another rude awakening, buddy-boy.

You would have a chance at a relationship if you just took care of yourself. You need to start eating healthy, take care of your appearance, build some muscle, and lose a lot of weight. You also need to stop treating girls like they are just living [[Kimmi|sex toys]] who exist to validate your manliness. You can't have a relationship the way you are now because you treat everyone around you as tools for your own selfish advancement and you never give a shit about what other people want. And yes, you are overweight. YOU ARE [[Obesity|OVERWEIGHT]]. at 5'10" and 216 lbs, your Body Mass Index is about 31, which classifies you as obese. And even that is probably a pretty low estimate - you weight moderately less than a person as fat as you would normally weigh, because muscle is denser than fat, and you have NO muscle. Look at yourself in the picture I included, really look at it. A nearly 29-year-old man should not have that giant gut hanging over his pants.

Do you know why most people don't like you? Do you know why women don't approach you, and why people don't praise you, and why people on the internet mock you? It's because you are a horrible, selfish, [[ego]]tistical person. You have NO respect and NO consideration for other people. THAT is why you are alone and unloved. People will give you no compassion because you believe you don't have to show any to other people. It's not because people are "jealous" of you - they know your life sucks, they wouldn't want to be in your shoes. It's not because they're playing "[[kick the autistic]]". No one GIVES A SHIT that you are [[autistic]], they NEVER DID. People don't like you because you use your autism as a fucking excuse to refuse to do anything and demand that other people fix your problems for you. People don't like you because you want them to treat you like a fucking king at the same time as you treat them like shit. People don't like you because you act as if you are doing everything right and all your problems are someone ELSE'S fault when the truth is that your problems are all YOUR fault.

As I said, not a single thing in my last email was an insult. Not one bit. It was all true. IT IS ALL TRUE. Swallow your fucking pride and accept that I'm not insulting you just because I'm refusing to kiss your ass and make you face the uncomfortable truth about yourself. You know exactly what you have to do to fix your life, Chris. I know you do because [[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails|Samantha]] and I (and other people) have told you COUNTLESS TIMES what you need to do to improve your situation. No one else will do it for you. If you don't fix it, no one else ever will.

The way I see it, you have two choices:
1) Put your pride aside, admit you are not special and that you have to follow the same life rules as everyone else, and do the same exact hard work that everyone else needs to do to be happy.
2) Sit on your ass, continue whining that people like me who try to help you are "hurting your feelings", continue to believe that you are a special little snowflake who has endured far worse hardship than anyone else, and spend the rest of your life as a lonely virgin.

I can kind of see now why you love going to Rocky for counseling, and I also understand better what exactly Rocky does to "counsel" you. The answer to both is that she blows smoke up your ass, tells you that none of your problems are your fault, and that you don't have to take responsibility for yourself. And you love that, because you want everyone around you to just kiss your ass. Well, the flip side of that is that Rocky thinks your a retard who will never improve or have sex. I'M the one who believes you stand a chance, Chris. I'M the one who is telling you the truth while she lies to you because she thinks you're hopeless. But by all means, if you'd rather never get sex or love or happiness just so that you can continue to pretend that someone else is obligated to fix your life for you, then don't listen to me. Go ahead and close your mind to the truth when someone who actually WANTS to see you be HAPPY tries to tell it to you like it is. I hope you respond to this and keep an open mind, but I can't make you, and if you want to keep living in your own self-imposed hell I won't lose sleep over it.

Jackie}}
{{Email|November 25, 2010 - 4:58pm
Hey Chris! Just wanted to wish you happy turkey day. Are you and your family doing anything special today?

Jackie}}
{{EmailReply|November 26, 2010 - 4:25pm
Thanks for the Thanksgiving Greeting. It was pleasant.

I am not an egotisital, selfish man, andwhile the truth is appreciated sometimes, there IS a certain level of Truth Telling that should Never be Exceded, because of hurting the other's feelings and emotions worse than they already are. Is Sympathy a Lost Art in this Damn Digital Communicatve Age that makes more and more Society Autistic-like Every day?

I am sorry for the wrongs I have done, but in this day and age, what I Really Need is Friends in real Life I do not Have To E-Mail Ever, but actually Hang Out In Person and Actually Hang Out and Positively Encourage each other.

I have been in deep thought and self-checking towards how to better improve myself, meet new people and whatever. I just do not care to converse via e-mail or over the internet anymore. It is In Person in Real Life or Bust for me.

Internet Socialization is BULL CRAP, and you can Quote me ALL OVER the DAMN, FUCKING Internet, AND in the Newsletter Article, as you please.

Take Care and Stay Safe,

One Misunderstood, Lonely, Caring Idiot,

Christian Weston Chandler.}}

{{EmailReply|November 26, 2010 - 7:36pm
And another thing, When constantly exceeding that Hurtful Truth Level to me, it feels like to me you're, and you may as well have, told me, "I Hate You! I Hate You!", and forget about me.}}

{{Email|November 26, 2010 - 8:24pm
Hey Chris! I'm glad your Thanksgiving went well. Anyway, I have some responses to each of your points, which I will put after each section of your writing.

''"I am not an egotisital, selfish man, andwhile the truth is appreciated sometimes, there IS a certain level of Truth Telling that should Never be Exceded, because of hurting the other's feelings and emotions worse than they already are."''

You are egotistical, because not only do you believe yourself to be an ideal partner for any woman in your present state without requiring change, but you also believe it is plausible and practical to remain in your comfort zone for your entire life, to the point that avoiding any kind of discomfort or displeasure is one of your primary life goals. You are most definitely selfish, as evidenced by your unwillingness to budge even the slightest bit when I asked you to step out of said comfort zone and give me something I wanted. You always tried to twist and warp my requests into something else entirely, then you egotistically told me "it's good enough like that", even though I am the one who would determine that, not you. The truths I told you were things you absolutely needed to hear, because you so strongly believed yourself to be a paragon of manhood and you were in such a strong denial that nothing else COULD get through to you. Throwing that bucket of water in your face was on the same principle on which interventions are conducted. I have been nice to you time and again, but you just refuse to listen when advice is given "nicely". Using harsh words was entirely necessary.

''"Is Sympathy a Lost Art in this Damn Digital Communicatve Age that makes more and more Society Autistic-like Every day?"''

I have two responses to this: First of all, sympathy has nothing to do with this. I have spent months sympathizing with you on every subject that bothers you, but it has gotten you nowhere. You still sit alone in your room, depressed and resentful toward the rest of the world. You don't listen when people sympathize with you. I chose my words very carefully because I KNEW they would shock you. I KNEW that shocking you was the only thing that might stand a chance of making you realize that you don't have the luxury of just sitting and waiting for the world to make itself perfect for you.

Secondly, you complain about not receiving sympathy, but when have you ever offered it? When people sympathize with you, all you end up doing is demanding that they fix your problems for you. You don't sympathize at all with people like me or Samantha when we get frustrated at how you routinely ignore our advice and would rather piss your life away playing video games. Friendship seems to be one-sided affair with you; you expect "sympathy" - which I think you misinterpret to mean "[[White knight|coddling]]" - but don't return the favor.

Thirdly, stop saying the internet is "making people autistic". That is grade A BULLSHIT. You bitch all the time about how everyone else has friends and relationships and can socialize, and how you are the only person who has your problems socializing; who then are these supposed people who are turning autistic? As I said, my words were deliberately chosen, I didn't "forget" how to "sympathize" with you just because my words came in an email instead of in person. I would have said the same exact thing to you in person. How about you stop playing the fucking PS Triple for 10 hours a day? Because I don't think you have a right to say others are addicted to the internet when you drop nearly every dollar you have buying stupid games on the internet.

''"I am sorry for the wrongs I have done, but in this day and age, what I Really Need is Friends in real Life I do not Have To E-Mail Ever, but actually Hang Out In Person and Actually Hang Out and Positively Encourage each other."''

Fair enough, it's nice to have friends in real life. So how's that working for you? How many people have you met out in the real world? You can't be talking about ME when you mention socializing in real life - we met online, so talking to me in real life would defeat your silly idea that internet socialization is worthless. Who else do you have? Or are you still expecting people to come up to you and do all the work for you? That's another perfect example of your egotism: You expect others to do all the work of creating a relationship with you, but you can't be bothered to put any effort into it yourself. You just say "I don't know what to do or where to go" as an excuse, despite the fact Samantha has given you many, many detailed ideas of how to start.

''"I have been in deep thought and self-checking towards how to better improve myself, meet new people and whatever. I just do not care to converse via e-mail or over the internet anymore. It is In Person in Real Life or Bust for me."''

I hope you're aware that "Bust" means "virgin forever". You've spent the past decade of your adult life putting absolutely no effort into anything, including making friends, so I don't see why you would start now. I've been doing nothing but trying to help you, but if you arrogantly think you can afford to just toss me away because I won't bend over backwards for a guy who never put effort into making me happy, then I guess I can't stop you. Hope your pride keeps you warm at night when you don't have any relationships.

''"Internet Socialization is BULL CRAP, and you can Quote me ALL OVER the DAMN, FUCKING Internet, AND in the Newsletter Article, as you please."''

Wow, thanks. Glad to see how worthless you consider all of your interactions with me. Is that the sort of "sympathy" you were complaining about not receiving?
As I said, you do nothing in real life, you just expect others to take care of you for your entire life. So I don't see how the internet is such an awful thing by comparison.

''"And another thing, When constantly exceeding that Hurtful Truth Level to me, it feels like to me you're, and you may as well have, told me, "I Hate You! I Hate You!", and forget about me."''

You've just written a large email telling me that you basically want to forget about me because email is inconvenient and because I don't kiss your ass enough. Once again, sterling display of reciprocity you show there, Chris. Everyone is supposed to be nice and sympathetic to you but you don't care what others think or feel or need.

So anyway, if you want to go your whole life without having to face the truth about yourself, that's fine. Just accept that you won't be respected as an adult and that you won't be getting a girlfriend or sex... ever.

Jackie}}

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