CWCki - User contributions [en]

Talk:Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys

2026-03-23T14:27:19Z

Hallowed Ween: retract irrelevant question

I feel that this article should be deleted. It serves as nothing but a promotion for someone's (likely the author of this article's) Chris-inspired album, and has nothing to do with Chris related events. If we leave it up, that means that all fan videos/song recordings have the right to a page, and I do not feel that this is conducive to an informative wiki.[[User:Kewlkat101|Kewlkat101]] ([[User talk:Kewlkat101|talk]])

I'm fully aware how denying you're somebody else only raises more suspicion, but I'm not the Rexy guy listed in the article. I just thought this fan album was worthy of its own article. If there's no posts about this album on the [[Kiwi Farms]] then I guess it could be taken off. --[[User:FromtheWordsofBR|FromtheWordsofBR]] ([[User talk:FromtheWordsofBR|talk]]) 22:31, 18 February 2015 (UTC)
:I was about to say it's clear as day that you're not the one who made this album, and you're not self-promoting. I remember this being a thing 2 years ago. Good on you for the work. --[[User:DawnDusk|DawnDusk]] ([[User talk:DawnDusk|talk]]) 07:25, 19 February 2015 (UTC)

Even if it's not directly from the horse's ass's mouth, it's Chris-related. If '''''NO SHIT IS TOO MINOR''''', why should it be deleted? [[User:Der Zuschauer|Der Zuschauer]] ([[User talk:Der Zuschauer|talk]]) 17:24, 19 February 2015 (UTC)

I agree. I say we keep it up.--[[User:FromtheWordsofBR|FromtheWordsofBR]] ([[User talk:FromtheWordsofBR|talk]]) 17:53, 19 February 2015 (UTC)

I'll Never Leave You, Ivy

2026-03-23T14:08:05Z

Hallowed Ween: corrected obsolete pipes

'''"I'll Never Leave You, Ivy"''' is the fifth song off of ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]''. It is [[Chris]]'s version of "[[Wikipedia:Wuthering Heights (song)|Wuthering Heights]]" by [[Wikipedia:Kate Bush|Kate Bush]]. Said song is notoriously difficult to sing thanks to Kate's high-pitched and fluctuating vocal style (which you can naturally hear in the background while Chris drones away in his signature monotone), so it shouldn't be a surprise to anybody that Chris is unable to retain the spirit of the original song.

Ironically, the title "I'll Never Leave You, Ivy" turned out to be correct, because [[Ivy]] dumped Chris before he had a chance to leave her.

==The Song==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = "I'll Never Leave You, Ivy"
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|LGzk-JTqXcM}}
| stardate = [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Ivy|text}}, {{Galpals|[[Love]]}}
| style =
| saga =
| shirt =
| previous = [[I Gotta Make My Move]]
| next = [[Lovin' You]]
}}

===Lyrics===
[''sung over Kate Bush's "Wuthering Heights"'']

Out on our winding, front lawn
 We'd stroll and grace our green
 You have a great [[2014 house fire|flare]] like [[Chris and anger|my emotions]]
 [[Heart level|Heart felt, so happy.]]
 [[Ivy#May|Please never leave me]]
 When I would've felt unwound and lost
 I cared for you, I loved you, too.

Bad [[dreams]] in the night
 You told me not to give up the fight
 Leave behind my [[autism|autistic]], autistic, autistic shell...

[[Ivy]], it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way
 Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

Ooh, it gets dark! It gets lonely,
 While you are not by my side
 I pine a lot. I find the lot
 Falls through without you.
 I am still here, love
 Sweetest Ivy, my one dream
 My [[heartsweet]]

Too long I roamed in the night, before I found your sweet voice
 I'll leave my past,
 We remain here at [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]], Ruckersville, Ruckersville Home

 Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way
 Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

 Ooh! Let me have it.
 [[Patti_Chandler|Let me grab your soul away.]]
 Ooh! Let me have it.
 Let me grab your soul away.
 You know it's me--Christian!

Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

[''At this point, Chris begins singing at a volume barely audible over the song.'']

Ivy, Ivy, Ivy

Ivy, Ivy, Ivy
 I love you, Ivy
 My sweetest Ivy, I love you, I'll never leave you in any way
 Oh Ivy, I love you, sweetest Ivy, and I'll never leave you in any way

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]
[[Category:Music]]

CWC-isms

2026-03-23T13:47:04Z

Hallowed Ween: fix formatting error

<center>{{Honest}}</center>

{{Protip|Please refrain from using CWC-isms casually when writing articles, as this may make them difficult for newcomers to decipher.}}
One of [[Chris]]'s most notorious features is his strange '''vocabulary''', consisting of a mix of fairly standard words, slang, jargon, and various personal coinages.

Some of these coinages originate from a degree of prudery, likely inherited from his older parents and maintained by his childlike nature. Like many children who don't feel comfortable referring to [[Honest Content|adult concepts]] directly, Chris often resorts to creating cutesy euphemisms for a lot of words that anyone else his age would generally use with little reservation, which is common with autistic people. While some of them are understandable — after all, nobody would really relish discussing their [[Butt garments|diapers]] — others, such as "[[tobacky]]" instead of "tobacco", only serve to turn an otherwise normal sentence into an advertisement for Chris's childish nature.

Others are attempts to be clever that fail miserably, for example, he refers to [[semen]] as "[[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|navy]]", because semen sounds like sea men, [[Random-access humor|get it?]] Still others come from Chris's love of manipulating words, especially backwards spellings, {{w|portmanteau}} blends, “verbing” nouns, or liberal use of suffixes like “- ish” or “-er”. Combine this with the idiosyncratic speech patterns that are common among [[autism|autistics]] (likely since standard language may seem inefficient to explain their thought processes), and you get his so-called '''CWC-isms'''.

CWC-isms may be combinations or butchered versions of words or phrases that already exist, entirely new words, commonplace words that he uses repeatedly in a peculiar or obsessive way, or entirely new phrases that Chris often has to explain afterwards because nobody knows what he's talking about.

==Primary categories of CWC-isms==
Nearly all CWC-isms belong to one of the four following classes:
# '''CWC-neologism''' - a ''new'' word or phrase, unknown until ''created by Chris''. Example: ''[[CWC-isms#L|Lovehogs]]'', a portmanteau of "love" and "hedgehogs".
# '''CWC-homonym''' - an ''existing'' word or phrase, to which Chris has given a ''different meaning''. These may be euphemisms, designed to avoid naming (to Chris) offensive things, or else due to Chris confusing an elevated word's meaning. Example: ''[[Duck]]'', for Chris's penis; ''[[CWC-isms#T|telekinesis]]'', used erroneously in place of ''telepathy''.
# '''CWC-archaism''' - an ''obscure'' word or phrase, known in English but seldom used by contemporary Virginians, which Chris has learned somewhere and has ''become characteristic'' for Chris's way of speaking/writing. Example: ''[[CWC-isms#U|Uncouth]]'', a word now rarely used outside the context of formal etiquette, which Chris used to tell people how much of a jerk he perceive they're being to him.
# '''CWC-misspelling''' - only the ''most notable'' of Chris's ''misspellings'', including deliberate re-arrangements: those which are characteristic for Chris's way of writing. Example: ''[[Geinus]]'', what he deems himself to be; ''[[Pmurt]]'' for Donald Trump, 45th and 47th president of the United States. Chris's sporadic, inconsistent use of some [[Catherine|British spellings]] while otherwise using American English can also be considered under this category.



__NOTOC__

<div style="position:fixed; bottom:0; center:0">{{Alphabet ToC}}</div>

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

==#==
|-
|

;12-9
[[Image:Sonichu 12-9 Cover.jpg|The cover for Sonichu #12-9|thumb|200px]]

<blockquote>
1. ''(numeral)'' A placeholder for the number thirteen.

<blockquote> ''There are no quotes that cite the use of this CWC-ism directly. Chris however used it in lists that exceed 12 items.''<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1006915844016869377</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris has shown on a few occasions to dislike the number 13, due to him deeming it an unlucky number. This phenomenon, referred to as [[wikipedia:Triskaidekaphobia|triskaidekaphobia]], is already a popular superstition in American culture, and this is likely where Chris picked it up. His fear of the number has led to some bizarre effects, particularly in his numbering. A famous example of this unusual numbering shtick is in the 13th issue of his Sonichu comics, which he numbered as "Issue #12-9", in which he used an em-dash in the place of a decimal place. The 12-9 itself is meant to represent a value of "almost 13".</blockquote>

;15 minutes
[[File:15 minutes.jpg|thumb|200px|"It takes me fifteen f-yay minutes"]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' [[Masturbation]], the amount of time it takes for Chris.

<blockquote> ''Masturbation takes '''Fifteen LONG, Tiring and Annoying Minutes'''''<ref name=15min>[[Masturbation discussions]]</ref></blockquote>
<blockquote> ''Self-masturbation is really arduous and annoying. Another '''15 minutes''' down the drain.''<ref name=15min></ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris coined this phrase in 2021, using it in chats with the [[Watchmen]] and in the [[Workaholics Anonymous comic]].</blockquote>

;[[4-cent_garbage.com|4-Cent Garbage]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' The headquarters of [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and [[4-Chan]] trolls in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]''.

<blockquote> ''You will recognize her [?] as your sweetheart because from a fav- from a favor on her half, your internal clock will be restored fully, your enemies of '''4-cent-garbage''' will be vanquished, so you both will live together in peace. Live freely.''<ref>[[Sonichu 9 Official Videobook]]</ref></blockquote>
Origin: Since ED and 4chan were partly responsible for Megan's breakup with him, Chris decided to get payback on the both of them by combining the both of them into an evil corporation in Sonichu, dubbing it "4-cent Garbage".</blockquote>

;7-incher
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' A penis which measures seven-inches in length.

<blockquote> ''Good thing we stopped for a pack of condoms; it's too bad the regular-size ones break easily on my '''7-incher'''.''</blockquote>

Origin: According to Chris, his penis is about 7 inches, which he actually believes is the average length of a penis of an adult male <ref>[[Mailbag 20#Oral doesn't count]]</ref>. Chris has made all kinds of weird euphemisms for just his penis alone such as this one, "ugly growth", and "duck".</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

==A==
|-
|
;abreast
<blockquote>
1. ''(adjective)'' full of; filled with.

<blockquote>''It was not until after saving the city from the forces of Count Graduon and his minions, that she realized her form's new assets. And she was '''abreast''' with delight and glee when she found not the Male Part, but a Vagina!''<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''In fact, while I am fairly educated about Tribadism and '''abreast''' with theories, I would appreciate some experience with a lesbian or two who knows what she likes to enlighten me better, including on sensual massage and all that.''<ref>[[May_2015_Facebook_posts]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris uses this word when discussing feminine anatomy and lesbian sex, evidently because it includes the word "breast". He fails to realize that "abreast" actually means "adjacent" or "across".<ref>http://www.dictionary.com/browse/abreast</ref> A possible confusion with the word "abound" or "abundant".</blockquote>

;Adult Swim
<blockquote>
1. ''(adjective)'' pornographic or otherwise "NSFW"; containing [[Honest Content|adult content]].

<blockquote>''She still has a great drawing style, even for the '''Adult Swim''' section."<ref>[[CWCSonichu-NightStar2891 DMs]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Refers to the Cartoon Network block ''[[Adult Swim]]''. Chris seemed to only consider the "Adult" part of this block's name, and therefore assumed he could use this phrase to describe anything that's "adult" to him. Note that the Cartoon Network block does not feature pornographic content.

</blockquote>

;adulterous
<blockquote>
1. ''(adjective)'' Of an [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles|adult]] and mature nature

<blockquote>''Originally it was supposed to be like, you know, like ages 7 and up, but then I end up going to the content, uh, it could be considered, be like, be like definitely be considered '''adulterous'''.''<ref>[[Lars Call]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: usually used to describe people who [[Ivy|cheat]] on their [[Blanca Weiss|partners]] (i.e. guilty of adultery), Chris only notices the "adult" component of the word.

2. ''(adjective)'' Insult of unclear nature
<blockquote>''Heeeeey, folks! It's me, [[Clyde Cash]]. I am the ruler of the internet and the internet trolls. I am an '''adulterous''' foe, a bastard and a self-righteous idiot who spends his time wallowing and trolling the one Christian Weston Chandler, and making up a whole bunch of dadgum rumors all over the internet!''<ref>[[100 2267]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris simply throws out the insult without a clear understanding of the word. Possibly referring to Clyde taking [[PandaHalo]] from Chris, though this is more aptly described as cuckoldry than adultery. Perhaps influenced by the verb ''adulterate''.

</blockquote>

;among which
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' Among other things. Et cetera. Also. Additionally

<blockquote>'''''Among which''' I can project myself to (the Ninja Turtles universe)''<ref>[[Count Dankula#More CWCville (19:55-42:18)]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: [[Autism|Uncertain]]. Chris adopted this phrase and began using it heavily in a number of different contexts through-out 2018. Perhaps the clearest example of Chris's over-use of "among which" is the [[Dankula|Count Dankula interview]], where Chris uses the phrase no less than ten times.

</blockquote>

;an' anurr thing
<blockquote>
1. ''(Phrase, transitionary)'' Signifies that Chris wishes to make another point about a subject he is discussing, and that he wishes he were Peter Falk.

<blockquote>''An' anurr thing...CHRIS. Your for real- your real name, as I have been told by Kacey, is only Chris Chandler! No "-tian," no "-topher," just Chris! So, admit that. '''An' anurr thing''', I NAME is NOT IAN! BRANDON!!! SOMETHING!!!!!''<ref>[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: a corruption of "and another thing". Used constantly when Chris is angry.

</blockquote>
;[[Anaxis bird]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' Signifies that [[Anaxis]] was meant to be a messenger for the information that Chris requested he put in ''A Medium's Guidance''.

<blockquote>
''Perhaps you all may have heard how I came onto this from an '''Anaxis bird'''.''<ref>[[User:Anaxis/Watchmen Source Leaks#"Anaxis Bird"]]</ref>
</blockquote>

Origin: A mangling of the phrase "a little birdie told me", indicating that an anonymous source gave someone a piece of secret information. Because of Chris's misuse of the phrase, the other Watchmen present had come to believe that Anaxis was influencing Chris to write both the [[Affirmations List]] and the [[Lovers Attributes List]].</blockquote>

;[[Anchuent Prophecy|anchuent]]
[[Image:Anch.PNG|right|thumb|Chris and Sonichu amazed by the Anchuent Prophecy]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(adjective)'' Describes anything that is archaic in the ''Sonichu'' canon.

<blockquote>
''Well, what's this? I'm havin' an upgrade? Huh! Huh! My- my powers are given me the ability to fly with my wings attached to my head! It's like a w- it's like an add-on! That's optional! Huh! Must have been done by '''Anchuent''' Powers, so awesome I can fly now! Huh!''<ref>[[Sonichu_3_Official_Videobook]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Initially, "anchuent" was taken to be a misspelling of the word "ancient" given Chris's [[Chris and English|poor grasp of the English language]]. Over time, however, it was revealed that "anchuent" was meant to be a portmanteau of the words "ancient" and "Sonichu", adding the "chu" part of "Sonichu" into the word "ancient".<ref>[[Sonichu_3_Official_Videobook]]</ref> </blockquote>

;and shit
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' And additional items.

<blockquote>''I don't want to believe in labels at all but I mean obviously, tale- the incest fanfics have come true '''and shit'''.''<ref>[[Incest call]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''But, yeah, I did not verbally argue as much growing up, and it took facing the even Toughter Moments since 2000 '''and shit''' for me to actually formulate and speak better self-defenses with what is Truth''<ref>[[Jail Letter - 20 October 2021#22 October]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A more profane variant of "and such" (see below). Chris often uses the phrase in unfitting contexts. He may have picked it up from [[Lars]]'s constant usage of the phrase during the 2010 [[Lars Call]].
</blockquote>

;and such
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' And additional items; to add to a list.

<blockquote>''At least to give you all, my patient, loyal Fans and Trolls, something to quell your pallets until Official Merchandise is sold in Official Stores such as Toys 'R' Us, GameStop, Best Buy, Wal-Mart, etcetera '''and such'''.''<ref>[[CWC Blog|Cwcipedia captain's log, 25 November 2009]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris understands the term's meaning, but uses it superfluously.
</blockquote>

;anthropological
<blockquote>
1. ''(adjective)'' human-like, anthropomorphic.

<blockquote>''In dressing myself for the burial work, I saw Snoopy had merged with his '''anthropological''' self-counterpart on the C-197 half of the veil.''<ref>[[July 2021 social media posts#Eulogy for Snoopy]]</ref></blockquote>
</blockquote>

;acquisition
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' A charge or allegation of wrongdoing.

<blockquote>''NO! MORE! Of those stupid '''acquisition''' messages!''<ref>[[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A {{w|malapropism|malaprop}} of "accusation".
</blockquote>

;artery

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' art.

<blockquote>''Good evening, but between this and the, uh, oh, and the other clips I would like to present you, uh, a few examples of hand '''artery'''.''<ref>[[CWC - Hand Drawn Original]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Not to be confused with the term for blood vessels. Chris doesn't seem to realize "art" is already a noun and doesn't need the suffix, and that "artistry" also exists.
</blockquote>

;as such

<blockquote>1. ''(adverb)'' In the manner previously described.

<blockquote>''They just hated me because they don't, they did not understand people with autism. And so they tortured me '''as such'''.''<ref name=FatherCall>[[Father Call]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris overuses this phrase to the point of self-parody. He's either tacking it on to fill space when he can't think of the next thing to say, or he's peppering it into his language in a feeble attempt to sound intelligent.
</blockquote>

;ass burgers

<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' [[Asperger's Syndrome]]

<blockquote> ''There are no quotes that cite the use of this CWC-ism directly, as Chris instead alludes to it as "a bad cut of cow meat".</blockquote>

Origin: Since the CWCipedia Saga, Chris has been noted for disliking Asperger's Syndrome, viewing it as something that makes autistic people look bad due to the term vaguely sounding like "ass burgers". Chris has alternatively suggested the term can also sound like "something that can be picked nasally", aka "ass boogers".
</blockquote>

;ass manager
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Either a misspelling or a derogatory term for "assistant manager," based on the abbreviation "ass. manager."

<blockquote>''I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.''<ref name=ShitMeetFan>[[December 2014 Facebook Posts#Shit, Meet Fan]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris has only used this term once, when referring to the [[Yellow-Shirted Foe]]. It's unclear if this was a misspelling or [[Manajerk|yet]] [[Jerkop|another]] childish insult based on someone's job title.</blockquote>

;[[Attraction Location|attraction location]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Any place Chris may sit to gain the attention of any passing women, only to get promptly kicked out afterward.

<blockquote>''Also, as of early November, I was reemitted into the Fashion Square Shopping Center, and since Mid-December, I totally left the UVA as an '''Attraction Location'''.''<ref name=CurrentDays>[[Story of My Current Days]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris, having a very difficult socializing with women, thought that sitting around in a certain place and soliciting himself would be a better alternative. Therefore, it would make sense to him to sit in a location with many people in order to gain the attention of several women.</blockquote>

;attraction time

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The time that is spent at an attraction location

<blockquote>''Then, on my next visit to the mall, I felt seriously depressed about what had happened the other day; it killed my '''attraction time'''''.<ref name=CurrentDays/></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;audio-sonic feeling

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' the arousing feeling caused by getting hit by sound waves

<blockquote>''Here is a most '''audio-sonic feeling'''. While at the club last night, the [[Chris and music|music]] was loud, maybe reverberating or echoing. The music and beats literally shook up my rack! I actually Felt the music playing and reverbing within my breasts, almost like my breasts had become a pair of speakers. It Felt Amazing and Arousing!''<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#Manboob Tunes]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: As shown in the quote above, Chris believed that he was sexually aroused when sound waves hit him. In actuality, sound, a vibration,<ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sound</ref> creates pressure. The louder the sound, the more pressure gets created from the wave. Therefore, very loud music should be able to hit Chris given that he's a [[obesity|huge target]], creating that "arousing" feeling, which is actually an alternation between high and low pressures.</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== B ==
|-
|

;B-dog
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Derogatory epithet for women.

<blockquote>''Then that [[Mary Lee Walsh|'''B-Dog''']] ripped up my notes and all, dragged me to her quarters and talked down to me very RUDELY AND HOARSELY.''<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Childish censorship of the word "bitch"; bitch also meaning "female dog". [[Bubbles Rosechu]] is implied to say this in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], when she shouts "BEEE..!!!" at [[Silvana]].<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Issue_8/Page_95|Issue 8 Pages 94-95}}</ref>
</blockquote>

;bally
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' round; having the texture of a perfectly round ball.

<blockquote>''I've always given her a "'''Bally'''-Scratch" where I stroke her head with all five fingers like as if I was gently squeezing a rubber ball.''<ref>[[Chris emails 2004-2006]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: If one didn't know Chris was referring to his dog, Patti, and that he gives her a "Bally-scratch" on the head, one might conclude that he's fondling someone's genitals. Chris, [[CWC-isms#N|naive]] to how suggestive this sounds, gave this special kind of petting the name "Bally-scratching" because of how stroking her head felt like he was squeezing a rubber ball.</blockquote>

;Be Woman
<blockquote>1. ''(verb phrase)'' Be '''a''' woman.

<blockquote>''I am a Lesbian Transwoman; I am not confused or mentally ill about that; '''I Am Woman.'''''<ref>[[March 2017 tweets#Proud_to_be_a_feminist]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''How Dare You Insult and be so Inconsiderate of Her like that? '''She Is Woman'''; she would Never Revert Back.''<ref>[[NightStar2891_tweets#She_is_woman]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used regularly when Chris asserts his [[Tomgirl|transgender identity]], notable for the consistent lack of a proper article and capitalization of each word in the phrase. Originally only attested in the first person ("I Am Woman"), a post on Chris's [[Miss Night Star]] Twitter sockpuppet account uses the third person ("She Is Woman"). Technically first appears in [[Sonichu 8]] when [[The Incredible Lioness]] attacks [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], as the somewhat cliché musical reference [[wikipedia:I Am Woman|"I am woman, hear me roar!"]], which may have inspired Chris's broader use of the phrase. This could be a reference to the Bhagavad Gita or Oppenheimer ("Now I am become death, destroyer of worlds.") [[honor roll|but this is unlikely]].
</blockquote>



;Bigfoot hunts
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The act of taking photos of Chris when you spot him in public.

<blockquote>''I've had it with those shutterbug...Bigfoot hunts imposed upon me because ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!<ref>[[C-Log 03182026]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used in C-Log 03182026, where Chris complains about sightings of him being posted online, all while inadvertently comparing himself to a big, smelly ape.
</blockquote>

;[[Biological clock|biological clock]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' [[Wikipedia:Circadian Rhythm|circadian rhythm]]

<blockquote>'''I have a lot of stored caffeene [sic] in my energy supply, and not only kept me on my toes, but has also messed up my fucking '''biological clock''' as well.''<ref>[[Biological clock]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Although technically not used incorrectly in this context, the phrase "biological clock" is used exclusively for women in their child-bearing years. Possibly a confusion with "internal clock".
</blockquote>

;blangry
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' [[Chris and anger|Angry]].

<blockquote>''Oh, and how 'bout this?! I get '''BLANGRY'''! ''<ref>[[Chris Calls Clyde Out]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Given Chris's belief that he has [[Chris and English|mastered the English language]] and his [[speech impediment]], it's likely he meant to say angry.
</blockquote>

;blue-printed
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Skilled in engineering.

<blockquote>''I like many others, was born a foal; to a '''blue-printed''' Pegasus and a country tomboy earth mare.''<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/screenshot_20171019-235945_01-png.299275/</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris portrayed Bob's Pony Counterpart in [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]] as an engineer, just like the real [[Bob Chandler|Bob]]. Due to Chris's limited vocabulary, Chris knew few words to describe Bob's profession. Derived from the word "blueprints", the plans set for the design of a product. </blockquote>

;[[Boyfriend-free girl|boyfriend-free]]

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Single; particularly used on women.

<blockquote>''Ahh, well, it's been over a year and ten months now since I started my sweetheart-search; I still haven't found a '''boyfriend-free'''-caring-smoke-free-non-alcoholic-white-girl-near-my-age to build a relationship with from the ground up.''</blockquote>

Origin: Chris’s mission in life used to be to obtain a girlfriend and have sex. However, every chance he thinks he gets, they already have a boyfriend. This has made Chris “fear” girls who already have boyfriends.</blockquote>

;breaking my balls, busting my balls

<blockquote>1. ''(idiom)'' Feeling annoyed, teased, and/or nagged by somebody or something.

<blockquote>''Don't do this, you're '''breaking my balls''' here.''<ref name=SHOWDOWN>[[SHOWDOWN: The TRUE CWC Confronts The FAKE]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I have gave you the last warning, I gave you the last response, you just '''busted my balls''' again, you're going to jail.''<ref name=SHOWDOWN/></blockquote>

Origin: Originally said by Eric Cartman in an episode of ''[[South Park]]''.
</blockquote>

;Buddha belly
<blockquote>1. ''(expression)'' Excess fat that gives a person a [[obesity|very round appearance]].

<blockquote>''Okay, well, I admit I do have a '''Buddha belly''', but I am not lazy, I do get out and about, I exercise, I jog and work out, and I eat healthy.''<ref name=FatherCall/></blockquote>

Origin: "[[Wikipedia:Buddha|Buddha]]" is a title given to several legendary figures in [[Wikipedia:Buddhism|Buddhism]]. In this case, Chris is making reference to [[wikipedia:Budai|Budai]], who is often known as "Fat Buddha". Chris presumably picked up the phrase from the ''[[Family Guy]]'' episode "To Love and Die in Dixie".
</blockquote>

;bugbears
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' [[Trolls]], [[weens]], and other Chris-related orbiters who make him miserable.

<blockquote>''Freaking CyberBullies!!!!!!! Real '''Bugbears''', they are!''<ref>[[Apologies to the liked Bronies and Pegasisters; PLEASE UNBLOCK ME ON TWITTER!]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Although the term was originally defined in the 16th century as 'a cause of obsessive fear, anxiety, or irritation.', it was given another definition centuries later to describe a race of hobgoblins [[Wikipedia:Bugbear (Dungeons & Dragons)|made famous]] by ''[[Dungeons and Dragons]]''. It's widely believed that Chris picked up the term from [[My Little Pony]]: Friendship is Magic, which depicted these creatures as literal bear-insect hybrids that are first seen terrorizing the ponies.
</blockquote>

;buh bye bay nose
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' but if anybody knows.

<blockquote>''If I knew who you were, I'd give you a kick in da bawls. But I can't, because I don't know who or where you are. '''Buh bye bay nose''' the whereabouts of the... [[JERKS|jerk]]... and just happens to be nearby... or within the state? Give him a swick kick for me.''<ref>[[Christian's Update 13 September 2008]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A result of Chris’s [[speech impediment]]</blockquote>

</blockquote>
;but during the stone age...
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A rebuttal for something obvious being stated.

<blockquote>''You don’t have to tell me twice! '''But during the stone age...'''''<ref>[[Sonichu 2]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: According to the [[Sonichu 2 Official Videobook|Videobook for Sonichu #2]], the phrase originates from how you need to “tell cavemen twice” over anyone else.</blockquote>

;[[Butt garments|butt garment]]
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|thumb|Leaked footage of Chris in a butt garment]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' an adult diaper; typically one used to control Chris's [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fecal incontenence]].

<blockquote>''The doctor corrected that they were liners; he never called them diapers. Neither did Chris- he called them “'''butt garments'''”.''</blockquote>

Origin: To avoid embarrassment from stating that he shits himself constantly, and uses incontinence pads, Chris refers to them as butt garments.
</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== C ==
|-
|

;C-Log
<blockquote>1. ''(abbreviation)'' Captain's Log.

<blockquote>'''''C-Log''' February 4th, 2010. First off, I'm not dead, and I have a few announcements to make.''<ref>[[I am Alive]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: For quite some time, Chris has had the habit of abbreviating certain words or phrases that begin with "'''C'''", possibly for [[Chris and his Ego|his name also beginning with "'''C'''"]], as well as to put greater emphasis on the letter C in the words he abbreviates. Other examples of this kind of abbreviation include "C-Mas" and "C-Ville".
</blockquote>

;C-Mas
<blockquote>1. ''(abbreviation)'' Christmas

<blockquote> ''The [[Christmas]] season is upon us, and with that comes the rush for the '''C-Mas''' Turkey, Tree (real or artificial), and of course, the presents. So, Sonichu and the News Dash have some helpful tips to give a better feel of the season to all.<ref>[[Sonichu's_News_Dash#A_Very_Special_Holiday_Chris-chan]]
</ref>''</blockquote>

Origin: See ''C-Log''.
</blockquote>

;C Ville (or C-Ville)
<blockquote>1. ''(abbreviation)'' [[Charlottesville, VA]].

<blockquote>''Look, you're going to back in '''C-Ville''' tomorrow, I can meet you at the McDonalds at Forest Lakes, what time is good for our meeting?''<ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 3]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' Generic term for any city whose name fits the pattern of beginning with "C" and ending with "ville," e.g., [[CWCville]], Charlottesville, etc.

<blockquote>''And when you diss Cwcville you disf- you diss every "'''C Ville'''" within these United States.''<ref>[[Do Not Dis C Ville]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: See ''C-Log''.
</blockquote>

;[[Captain's Log|Captain's Log]]
[[File:CWCtrek1.png|400px|right|thumb|The Autistic Generation]]
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' The classic opening for a vlog video Chris makes to adress the fanbase, which includes the date of production. Replaced in 2015 with "live from home once again".

<blockquote>'''''Captain's Log'''. Stardate: September... 24th, 2008.''<ref>[[Chris Chan Update 24 September 2008]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: One may come to the conclusion that Chris picked up this phrase from Star Trek, however, Chris is neither a fan of the Star Trek franchise, nor has he seen any clips of the show<ref>[[Mailbag_3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag_14]]</ref>. It is more likely that Chris picked up the phrase from cartoons like [[Family Guy]], which references Star Trek, considering how much he watched the show religiously.</blockquote>

;carniverous
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' evil, vengeful.

<blockquote>''On today's show, we will take a close-up look at the '''carniverous''' jerkops.''<ref>https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P29.htm</ref></blockquote>Origin: A misspelling of "carnivorous". It is unknown what word Chris meant to use here, but "carnivorous" certainly wasn't it.</blockquote>

;[[china]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Female genitalia

<blockquote>''I love dykes! DYKES! '''CHINA!'''''<ref>[[CWC's_Second_Message]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris, uncomfortable with directly saying the word "vagina", decided to alter the word to a cutesy, similar-sounding word. Based off of a term for porcelain "china".</blockquote>

;coldest shoulder

<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' to rebel.

<blockquote>''Those people like me at the very least, NOT counting all of the deceitful people I have had the displeasure of knowing who turned '''Coldest Shoulder''' Against me and STARTED all of the Online Hatred.''<ref>[[April_2012_Facebook_posts]]</ref>

''One of which, Amanda, is one of the Part-Time Manajerks who gives her elders the '''coldest of shoulders'''.''<ref>[[Coffee Place]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A misuse of the phrase "turning a cold shoulder", a phrase used for the negligence of another person<ref>https://www.collinsdictionary.com/us/dictionary/english/turn-a-cold-shoulder-to</ref>. </blockquote>

;Come Adore
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A sermon from Chris's religion.
<blockquote>''That's all for now. Be safe and well.

Mrs. Jesus Christine Chan Sonichu.

Commodore Come Adore<ref>[[Jail Letter - 27 June 2022]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Yet another retarded pun from Chris, specifically based on the [[Commodore 64]].
</blockquote>

;[[Comeuppance|comeuppance]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Male orgasm.
<blockquote>''...I feel my '''comeuppance''' and I come into your mouth, my [[semen]] is inside your mouth and you'd swallow every drop. (...) And right after I'd given you my first round, my first '''comeuppance''', you would take, you would reach down, and you would take your face away from my penis...''<ref>[[Chris Sex Logs]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' [[Semen]], usually immediately after ejaculation. ''See also: [[CWC-isms#N|Navy]]''
<blockquote>''Yeah, and I'm just gonna keep bangin' your breasts over and over again until you get the first dosage of my '''comeuppance'''!''<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>
</blockquote>

Origin: Chris uses the sexual slang "cum" as a [[For Julie's Eyes Only|verb]] for orgasm, but he may not realize it can also be a noun referring to ejaculate. In his mind, "comeuppance" apparently serves that purpose, viz., "that which has come/cum up."

In the real world, "comeuppance" is an English noun meaning [[Wiktionary:comeuppance|outcome which is justly deserved]] based upon the common verb "come," i.e., the state of coming forward to receive judgment. He is either unaware of the original definition of the word or does not appreciate the irony of telling women he's going to give them comeuppance.

Note that the contexts of the real word and Chris's version are different. When a woman is rebuked, she receives her comeuppance; when a woman gets Chris's hot load in her face, she receives ''his'' "comeuppance."
</blockquote>

;count you(r) blessing(s)
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase used as a retort when someone complains about the quality of your work.
<blockquote>It’s an early thing; it will improve later on. Curb your enthusiasm and '''count your blessing.'''</blockquote>
Origin: In [[January 2020]] Chris was seen using the phrase when he was attacked after chimping out about being blocked on social media. Recently people have been questioning the quality of the newest [[medallions]], produced by [[Praetor]]. Chris, perhaps in an attempt to "calm the trolls down'' tells them to '''count their blessings''.</blockquote>

;crash into slumber (or crash and burn)
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' To get so sad and [[Chris and stress|stressed out]] that you get tired from exhaustion.

<blockquote>And… the void in my heart that requires a sweetheart is open again, and it hurts. I hope you jerks and trolls who wanted to break us up… are happy… 'cause all you did was make me feel sad and depressed. And you made me '''crash… into slumber'''… a couple of times. And you know, it takes a lot of stress and exhaust… and such… to make a person feel like they're gonna crash and burn… into a whole bunch of s-- into a long slumber… that just basically sleeps o-- that just basically sleeps off the—uh, what's the word I was looking for? I had it. Ugh…<ref>[[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008]]
</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris famously said that he "crashed into slumber" in the video [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008]], where he shows off how depressed and angry he was with his latest tomfoolery at the time. It could be because that one of Chris's main methods of coping with his stress is to sleep it off, and tried to make it sound hyperbolic by stating that he "crashed" onto the bed, as if he tried to get it done sooner.</blockquote>

;crestfallen
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Sad and disappointed

<blockquote>''I should have been Highly Recognized for my ARTISTIC TALENTS I showed in my Many Art Classes for the Award Ceremonies before Graduation Day. I felt '''crestfallen''' greatly from not getting recognized for any of my Talents. I EXCELLED IN MATH TOO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!''<ref>[[Chris's Wikipedia profile#Graduation]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys R Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and '''crestfall'''. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!''<ref name=ShitMeetFan/></blockquote>

Origin: Another obscure word Chris liked to use a lot, even today. It even got to the point where he tried to put it into a baffling progressive tense "to my dismay and crestfall".</blockquote>

;crooks
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Those who may steal Chris's intellectual property for malicious purposes. ''(pl.)''

<blockquote>''I aways keep my eyes open for '''crooks''' who take my [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]]'s name and put it in offensive use!''<ref>''[[:File:116-CWCCop.jpg|116-CWCCop.jpg]]''</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' websites, and even words on websites which communicate lies about Chris.

<blockquote>''And that [[ED]] page is one of those crooks. Every page--every word on the discussion page is a '''crook'''.''<ref>[[Take that Page DOWN NOW!]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A finishing move Chris does on his adversaries in order to "curse" them, publicly or otherwise.

<blockquote>''Hmmm...'''Curse-ye-ha-me-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!'''''<ref>[[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A reference to the Kamehameha energy attack from the [[Dragon Ball]] series, performed in the same way it is in the anime. Chris believes that he possesses [[Chris and reality#Magic|magical powers]]. Typically, these so-called magical powers would be used whenever an enemy gets in the way of whatever he wants to do, since Chris is too afraid to actually fight anyone. Therefore, he will rely on this magical power in order to gain control of whoever is giving him trouble.</blockquote>

;CWC-sense
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The ability to sense Chris's presence.

<blockquote> ''Seriously though, awesome timing coming in, just as we, and Chris, had just finished writing the lyrics...was your '''CWC-sense''' tingling?''<ref>https://www.patreon.com/posts/15092809</ref></blockquote></blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== D ==
|-
|

;D.A.
<blockquote>1. ''(abbreviation)'' Unexplained, presumably a substitution to avoid the word "dumbass." Most likely ''not'' "District Attorney," although equally applicable to [[Marvey Blaziken]].

<blockquote>''You are obviously a troll trying to pick on my nerves; nice try, '''D.A.'''''<ref>[[Mailbag 15]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris intermittently decides to self-censor his profanities for the benefit of younger readers.
</blockquote>

;da
<blockquote>1. ''(article)'' [[Wikipedia:Eye dialect|Eye dialect]] spelling of the word [http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/the the].

<blockquote>''Y'all know me as [[DJ Jamsta|Jamsta Sonichu]], '''da''' DJ with da power!''<ref>[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], page 43</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris writes "the" as "da" when he intends for his characters (or himself) to sound laid-back and cool. This is most notable with Jamsta Sonichu, who is supposed to sound like a hip radio DJ and/or a [[Chris and Race#Black_people|Jamaican man]]. Chris may intend at times to do the same thing in his verbal communications, although his [[speech impediment]] makes it difficult to tell when he actually means to say "da."
</blockquote>

;Da Update
[[File:Daupdate.jpg|thumb|400px|[[Megan]], comparing Chris's [[Chris and his Ego|attitude]] to [[Dragon Ball Z|Goku]].]]
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' The latest news.

2. ''(phrase)'' The most recent fail Chris is responsible for.

<blockquote>''Hey, guys! What's '''da update'''?''</blockquote>

Origin: Dialogue used by Chris, in an exceedingly awkward attempt to sound casual, in the pages of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]. As Chris's [[fans]] have searched the Internet for the latest news from our hero, "da update" has become shorthand for "the latest [[Relics of Fail|failure]] Chris has committed." The phrase became legendary when posted above the Chris-chan talk page on [[ED]] (eventually the page was locked, forcing mass migration to the [[PVCC (message board)|PVCC]]).

</blockquote>

;[[Darling|darling]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A potential lover, even one that shows no affection back at you.

<blockquote>''Thank you, Doopie '''Darling'''. :)<ref>[[July 2017 tweets#Thanks, darling]]</ref>''</blockquote>

Origin: Chris, so hellbent on being [[Chris and kindness|kind]] to just about any potential sweetheart he met, thinks it's appropriate to refer to women he doesn't know outside of the internet by pet names to sound like he really cares for them, despite it being creepy to most other people. Chris's main justification for using this word on women who don't bond with him is that the actor [[Wikipedia:Tallulah Bankhead|Tallulah Bankhead]] used this word a lot, ignoring the fact that she only did this while on set and was an attractive woman.</blockquote>

;[[Dating education|Dating Education]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' formal education in schools about dating people of the opposite sex.

<blockquote>''Also, in addition, while we also fully support Sexual Education in every high school, Christian Weston Chandler also highly recommends, and would gladly support, '''Dating Education''' classes, because, while Sex Ed is great for the eventual, well-earned intercourse after 3 or more dates, it is vital to learn what to do before that moment. It should be well0taught how to approach and ask one’s member of the opposite gender out for the very first date.''<ref>[[:File:DatingEducation.jpg]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The lack of "Dating Education classes" is something that Chris used to complain about all of the time, because he's simply incapable of finding a [[CWC-isms#S|sweetheart]], and that it would be a great advantage for people of his type to learn how to do so. Chris doesn't understand that a key aspect of obtaining a mate is to develop the proper [[Chris and socialization|social skills]], especially those around [[women]], and that it has very little to do with how much sex he has with them.</blockquote>

;dementia
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A synonym for Chris's [[autism]].

<blockquote>''My brain is blank and, I definitely wouldn't have realized. Word of the day, Dementia. The umbrella term for all the mentally wearing down people, I got some dementia okay? So give me time, give me space, alright? And some slack.''<ref>[[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;detail
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A thing of importance that Chris cannot recall at any given moment.

<blockquote>''I do not have the appropriate calm state of mind to make time to READ those numerous upon numerous small-print '''details''', much less memorize them.''<ref>[[Wikipedia#May 2009 drama]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

<blockquote>2. ''(noun)'' Something that Chris does not understand.

<blockquote>''There was one I remember from then where the essay had a lot of offensive content, including smoking, and I spoke my mind on how offended I was of it. Plus other details I misunderstood that he was expecting in the assignments.'' <ref>[[Jackie E-mails 9]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris's ability to retain information is questionable (unless it's about [[Sonichu (comic)|something]] [[Lego|he]] [[Pokémon|obsesses]] [[PS3|over]]). As such, he "misunderstands" and "forgets" a lot of glaringly important things, such as [[Father call|how to live on his own]] and [[Jackie E-mails 2|the fact that he cheated on Ivy]].
</blockquote>

;devotee
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An [[enabler]] of Chris.

<blockquote>''Ah, I believe I have the proper term. Going from "Worshiper", I checked the thesaurus:"'''Devotee'''" in the term sounds better. "Devotees of Chris Chan Sonichu"(DoCCS). This is my better educates and thought suggestion." ''<ref>[[November 2019 social media posts#Devotees of Chris Chan Sonichu]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Believing himself to be a goddess, Chris needed a term to refer to any of his followers. The term was originally "worshiper", but then after a quick thesaurus search, he decided to change the term to "devotees", solely because he thought it sounded smarter. Although technically a synonym of "worshiper", the term "devotee" is more often used in Eastern religions such as Hinduism and Buddhism.
</blockquote>

;Did the do, to do the do
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' To have sexual intercourse, likely under deceptive conditions

<blockquote>''[[Lovely Weather|Lovely]] was hot. She mistook me for myself and we went home from work that night, so Lovely and I '''did the do''', and it was awesome!''<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Issue_10/Page_2|Issue 10 Page 2}}</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An even more benign variation of the common euphemism for sex, "doing it". Likely taken from [[Wikipedia:Emission_Impossible|an episode]] of [[Family Guy]].
</blockquote>

;dige
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Marijuana

<blockquote>''My name's [[Inos]]... wha' chu up to? I am eclectic on this hedge... high on the hog... you wan' som' of this '''dige''', mon?''<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Issue_10/Page_70|Issue 10 Page 70}}</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Intended to be part of a coded reference to "Sonichu, Electric Hedgehog Digimon". It is not known why he changed the reference from "Pokemon" to "Digimon".
</blockquote>

;[[dimension]]
[[File:Chrisminecraft.jpg|right|thumb|In a universe of multiple realities, anything is possible according to Chris.]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Either our universe or a fictional one, such as the one in which ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' or ''[[My Little Pony]]'' are set, both held to be equally [[Chris and reality|real]] in Chris's ontology.

<blockquote>''For Our Home World and All other '''Dimensions''', Realities and Worlds; All Of Us! Dance! Dance! Dance!!!''<ref>[[Freestyle Dance With Me, For Our World]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Dumbing down some physicists' hypothetical notion of other physical universes embedded in mathematically higher-dimensional space, which has since seeped into pop culture and thence down to Chris.
</blockquote>

;[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]]
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' Used as a reference to Chris's fecal incontinence.

<blockquote>''I have NUMBERS OF PAIRS OF '''DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS'''.''<ref>[[IRC_(20_January_2009)]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris used this phrase during an [[IRC (20 January 2009)|IRC chat]] with [[Clyde Cash]] and [[BILLY MAYS]] after they alleged that Chris has a fondness to wear women's underwear. In order to confirm his straightness, he retorted by admitting the fact that he has "NUMBERS OF PAIRS OF DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS". Soon after, due to how humorous the phrase sounded, it became a shorthand for trolls to refer to Chris's fecal incontinence.</blockquote>

;disabled of crafting
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' Too apathetic to work

<blockquote>''Since last December with the Lulu.com problems (resolved), that has left me with a bad emotional and mental scar. Leaving me feeling '''disabled of crafting'''...''<ref>[[August 2016 Facebook posts#Too lazy to work]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris being defensive when a customer asked how he could be trusted to follow through on an order, when he had failed to send out orders from his Etsy shop, which resulted in his seller account getting closed.
</blockquote>

;dispel
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' Reject, turn away

<blockquote>''[T]o dispel me is to discriminate against the LGBTQ community as well.<ref>[[Unban_contracts#GameStop|GameStop unban contract]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A misunderstanding of the meaning of the word.</blockquote>

;Dork of Ages
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Someone who deserves scorn for creating an [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] article on you.

<blockquote>He is the '''Dork of Ages'''. Y'all should be sending every last complaint and hatred towards—rain down upon him. Send him every last email you can. Shower him with as much hate as possible until that Encyclopedia Dramatica page is taken down, [gives a thumbs down] along with him.<ref name=AttentionAll>[[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used on [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] after he created Chris's Encyclopedia Dramatica page. This phrase was [[List of phrases Chris copied from media|taken]] from the American Dad episode "Dungeons and Wagons", where Hayley called Steve the "Dork of Ages" while he played "Dragon Shuffle".</blockquote>

;Drunk, High Aqua Teenatic
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Backstabber.

<blockquote>''You could be a Better, More Supportive Friend, instead of a '''Drunk, High Aqua Teenatic''' with your sweetheart!!!''<ref>[[October 2017 Facebook posts#Quinn breaks up with Chris again]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A bizarre attempt to turn the title of the Adult Swim cartoon, ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]'' into an insult.</blockquote>

;[[duck]]
[[Image:BentDuck.jpg|thumb|right|An example of a bent duck]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris's penis

<blockquote>''MY '''DUCK''' HUNGERS FOR TOM-TOM TO POUND!!!!!''<ref>[[I_Am_The_TRUE,_Original_CCWC]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Initially "duck" was taken to be a typo of "dick" since the "u" and "i" keys are close together. It was later revealed that Chris was using this neologism as an intentional euphemism to refer to his own penis.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref>

''See also:'' [[CWC-isms#P|pickle]]</blockquote>

;dyke

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A vagina.

<blockquote>I love dykes! DYKES! '''CHINA!'''<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In actuality, the word dyke (or dike) refers to an embankment, wall, or ridge built to control or confine water. It is also a derogatory term for [[lesbian]]s, which is somewhat ironic, given Chris's homophobia at the time.</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== E ==
|-
|

;elbow-greased
[[Image:Elbow-Greased Strength.jpg|200px|thumb|Chris gets swole]]

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Earned from hard work and exercise

<blockquote>''There are no quotes that cite the use of this CWC-ism. It appears in his [[resume]], where he lists "elbow-greased strength" as one of his "functional skills"''</blockquote>

Origin: A misuse of the idiom, "elbow-grease", a figure of speech humorously used for tasks that involve manual labor only. </blockquote>

;[[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]''

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Any of the characters found in Sonichu which are hybrids of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] characters and/or Pokemon.

<blockquote>''Since the inspiration and conception of Sonichu, the '''Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon''' on March 17, 2000, I have grown further in his stories, plots and adventures in a series of hand-drawn and computer-edited comic books.''<ref>[[Chris's resume]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Despite the name, a majority of "Electric Hedgehog Pokemon" are neither Pokemon or hedgehogs. This misnomer may come from Chris's original characters being hybrids of two Sonic characters, both of whom are hedgehogs (Sonic and Amy Rose) and two Pokémon (Pikachu and Raichu).</blockquote>

;emotional differences

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A strong disagreement between two people.

<blockquote>''I told you! It was, it was because of, uh, '''emotional differences.'''''<ref>[[Father Call#The Shit Hits the Fan (33:24-39:17)]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris mentioned that he got terminated from [[Wendy's]] in the [[Father Call]], due to their "emotional differences", possibly meaning that a heated argument between him and his employer ensued.</blockquote>

;empirical
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' resorting to experience to gain knowledge rather than through scientific means.

<blockquote>''So, throw away the book talk; be '''empirical''' and believe what you know is fact'' <ref>[[October 2012 Facebook posts#Empirical]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris attributed the nearly opposite definition of the word to Jeremy Hilary Boob PhD, a character from ''{{w|Yellow Submarine (film)|Yellow Submarine}}''. Considering this, Chris must have picked up this strange definition from the content in the Beatles Edition of ''Rock Band''.</blockquote>

;entendre

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Charisma or attraction

<blockquote>''Too much '''entendre'''?''<ref>https://www.patreon.com/posts/15092809</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Derived from the phrase "double entendre", a figure of speech used for words or phrases with a double meaning, typically [[Duck|with]] [[Mass Debating|one]] [[China|of]] [[Recycling|them]] [[Pickle|being]] [[Comeuppance|risque]].<ref>https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/double%20entendre</ref> In English, the word "entendre" isn't typically used outside of the phrase itself, but in many other languages like French and Catalan, it is understood to mean "to hear" or "to understand". Chris, thinking he knows everything there is to know about the English language, once again thought he would sound smart by using this obscure word.
</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== F ==
|-
|

;F-yay
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' A euphemism for the swear word "fucking".

<blockquote>''For all this time, every single time, [[Mass debating|it takes me fifteen '''f-yay''' minutes]].''<ref>[[Workaholics Anonymous comic]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Seen in the [[Workaholics Anonymous comic]] from [[March 2021]] and again in [[August 2025]].<ref>[[August 2025 social media posts#Decepticlone Punislav... yay]]</ref> The yay comes from Fluttershy's cheer in the [[My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]] episode Sonic Rainboom, which was a popular meme in the brony fanbase.</blockquote>

;[[Fangs|fangs]]
[[File:Showing_Off_Fangs.jpg|thumb|right|200px|How Chris imagined himself when showing off his canines]]
[[File:ChrisCavities.JPG|thumb|right|200px|The reality. The red arrows point to Chris's cavities]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris's canine teeth.

<blockquote>''They're called Eye-Teeth, but they feel and look like '''fangs''' of a vampire, dog or something to me.''<ref>[[Sonichu_Girls#Your_understanding_me_fukky_.281_January_2009.29]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I'm not afraid to SHOW MY '''FANGS'''!''<ref>[[CWC_Update_8_January_2009]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris believes his teeth to be unordinary compared to most other people's teeth, apparently believing canine teeth are some kind of special trait only a selected few people have. Because he believes his canines to be menacing, he gave them the name "fangs". Once in a while, Chris would show off his decaying teeth to scare his enemies. This usually works, although for the wrong reasons.</blockquote>

;faredoo
<blockquote>1. ''(interjection, imperative verb)'' Parting salutation, akin to "goodbye".

<blockquote>''Vessel of my loneliness for the past three years of anguish. I bid you fond...'''faredoo'''. Adieu. Fond farewell adieu...''<ref>[[The MovingFoward videos]].</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Accidental portmanteau of "farewell" and "adieu".
</blockquote>

;fart-minded

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' dumb and perverted.

<blockquote>Ha Ha! Take THAT, you '''fart-minded''', jerk [[MALE]] among ALL fart-minded, jerk Males that make up the Majority of the Worldwide Male Population! -:D<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivtWQTjXCDs</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used in the comment section of a Stopmotion Lego animation, where a ''Lego'' minifigure is in a sexual relationship with a ''Lego Friends'' minifigure. Throughout this video, the Lego minifigure essentially acts how Chris believes most men do. At the end of the video, the male minifigure proceeds to fart, which disgusts the female minifigure. Also a possible butchering of the phrase "brainfart", which is used to humorously refer to a moment of absentmindedness.</blockquote>

;firstly
<blockquote>1. ''(adverb)'' A word that indicates that Chris is about to tell someone why he's right. Often not followed by an enumerated list of reasons, despite the implication.

<blockquote>'''''Firstly''', Aspergers is NOTHING Similar to Autism; Aspergers pertains to MEMORY, Autism is Social Skills. and I'm High-Functionally Autistic''<ref name=IRC2January09>[[IRC (02 January 2009)]].</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Use of "firstly" to begin a list, rather than "first," is a matter of dispute. While both words exist in the dictionary, "Firstly" has fallen out of common use in speech and tends to sound more formal, perhaps overly so. Chris seems to like this formality, probably because he thinks it sounds smart.
</blockquote>

;French side dish
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A kiss that involves the usage of one's tongue.

<blockquote>''"I LOVE YOU" would be shared daily with a '''French side dish'''.''<ref>[[For My True Love, I Would…]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A bizarre take on the phrase "French kiss".
</blockquote>

;fondful
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' fond.

<blockquote>''Faithfully yours with '''fondful''' thoughts; Chris Chan.''<ref>[[Megan Emails, Jan-July 2007|Chris's email to Megan Schroeder]], 06 July 2007</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris apparently doesn't understand that "fond" is already an adjective by itself.
</blockquote>

;for good-like
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' final, but with the imagined possibility otherwise.

<blockquote>''And in June of 2008, he banned me from the store '''for good-like'''.''<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails|Chris's email to The Wallflower]], 18 February 2010</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Confusing modification of "for good".
</blockquote>

;foresee/foretell/foreknow
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' To make a wild guess at something occuring, claiming it's a "prediction".

<blockquote>''#Saberspark Is right. This is one reason why I stay clear from certain games and shows. My intuition also senses and '''foresees''' the quality and feel without even having to watch or play it at all''<ref>[[March 2025 social media posts#Brainrot]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(verb)'' To have predicted something that already happened or that someone else claimed would happen, but didn't.

Origin: Chris claims he has the ability to predict the future, an aspect of his divinity. However, Chris only ever makes these claims whenever an event has already happened, claiming he predicted it would, or when he makes a confident guess at the future based purely on his intuition.
</blockquote>

;foundate
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' To dedicate, as in a monument or building.

<blockquote>''I, Christian Weston Chandler, re-'''foundate''' this monument that is the PAGE with MY SOLE HONEST TRUTH from my sound mind and heart.''<ref>{{CWCipedia link|1=Christian_in_his_Own_Words#Captain.27s_Log.2C_Stardate:_June_6.2C_2009|2=Christian in his Own Words}}.</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Likely a portmanteau of "found" and "dedicate", or a bizarre attempt to convert "foundation" into a verb.
</blockquote>

;four-boomerang-shaped symbol
[[File:Fourboom.jpg|thumb|right|"G'Day welcome to Auschwitz"]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' minced oath for "[[Wikipedia:swastika|swastika]]," especially the ''Hakenkreuz'' symbol of the [[Nazis|Nazi]] Party.

<blockquote>''Like Most People, I do not care much for Adolf; he was a terrible man, and even in jest, I WOULD NEVER want to portray him, much less, his '''four-boomerang-shaped symbol''' (I know what it is called, but I do not wish to type the word).''<ref>[[Mailbag 5#That wacky Hitler|Mailbag 5]]
</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris was apparently afraid to say the word "swastika," probably for the same reason he used to [[Niggos|fear using racial slurs]].
</blockquote>

;fourth wall

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A boundary that separates [[Reality Cartoon|reality cartoons]] and [[Dimensions|dimensions]] from dimension C-197.

<blockquote>''Hey, Everyone. I have another announcement for you all to do now, for yourselves and our OCs: Break Your Own '''Fourth Wall'''.
<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1195039493130199041</ref>''</blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' An abstract force that prevents people from talking to their OC's.

<blockquote>Our OCs in C-197 often break their '''fourth walls''', because they are aware of us, and it is our time and turn to return the favour.</blockquote>

Origin: Comes from the phrase "breaking the fourth wall", a figure of speech humorously used on characters that acknowledge the audience directly, or state their awareness of the media they're in. Chris has taken this to mean that all dimensions in the universe are separated by this kind of barrier, therefore calling them "the fourth wall". In a recent Twitter post, Chris has also stated that this mysterious force is the reason why people cannot see or interact with their OC's, but that the OC's themselves are fully aware of their creators, so will eventually break through the barrier every once in a while to speak to people of other dimensions.</blockquote>

;[[Friend Zone|friend zone]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The dreaded moment a sweetheart rejects you.

<blockquote>''A lot of times, especially if the friend in question is opposite of gender 18 or older, they may have sex on the brain. And when that person hears from you that you just want to be friends, or in the other term, put into the '''Friend Zone''', that person will feel like they failed at getting the sex they wanted, or Ever will from you.''<ref>[[August 2017 tweets]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' The lousiest excuse a sweetheart could give for not having sex with Chris.

<blockquote>''Nothing has happened in Women's Rights; the "Friend Zone" is only the LOUSIEST EXCUSE EVER to give to someone the woman deeply cares about and trusts so she could get out of sex or a relationship. I do not take kindly to that Excuse at this time.''<ref>[[Common Questions]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The Friend Zone refers to a relationship where one person desires romance, while the other only shows interest in friendship. Much like his stance on the Three-Date Rule, Chris believed that the Friend Zone is simply another rule explicitly placed on him by some unspecified authority to slow down his progress on completing his [[Love Quest]]. His belief that this is simply an "excuse" to avoid having sex with him reveals a lot on why he was [[Megan|overly-persistent with]] [[Wallflower|some of]] [[Doopie|his sweethearts]]. He couldn't imagine why any woman would not want to have sex with him, so he came to the conclusion that every woman he stalks are simply unfamiliar with sex and what goes into it.</blockquote>

;[[Fuzzy-wuzzies|fuzzy-wuzzies]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The rewards of giving Chris compliments.

<blockquote>''Compliments will get you '''fuzzy-wuzzies'''.''<ref name=FutureMessage>[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Unknown. Believed to be another example of Chris's random-access humor. May have been derived from an English assignment in [[Manchester High School|high school]], "[[Manchester High Leaks#Warm Fuzzies|Warm Fuzzies for Christian]]".

''See Also:'' [[CWC-isms#P|prickly-wicklies]]
</blockquote>

{{clear}}
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== G ==
|-
|

;[[Gal pal|gal-pal]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' a female friend.

<blockquote>''And also, I would like to give a shout-out to...Ivy, sweet '''gal-pal''' of mine...and her friend Rachel across the hall from her, in a college within these United States!''<ref>[[CWC Update 18 March 2009 More Updated]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris rarely refers to any of his female friends as just "friends", simply because he thinks that all female friends have the potential to be [[CWC-isms#S|sweethearts]] before they're in the dreaded [[Friend Zone]]. Chris also states that due to his autism, this somehow means that he gets along much more easily with girls than with guys. <ref>[[Autism Tutorial Part 5]]</ref> Although this could be more due to the fact that he overall has had much better experiences with girls than with boys growing up, especially in high school. This has caused him to pick up more [[Transgender|effeminate traits and characteristics]]. The term "gal-pal" is typically used by women when they are talking to other people in their social clique. Chris therefore picked this phrase up from the girls he's talked to (possibly using the phrase because he sees himself as "one of the girls"). It is also common for [[homos]] to use this to refer to their female friends.
</blockquote>
;gawd
<blockquote>
1. ''(interjection)'' eye dialect of "god", Used in the place of "god" when it is used to express annoyance, shock, or pain.

<blockquote>''Life is f***ed up. (I had a real stressful Sunday afternoon) '''Gawd'''! Just... GAWD!!!''<ref>[[April 2017 tweets#STRESSFUL SUNDAY. GAWD!]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Possibly meant to add dramatic effect to saying "god", which is already used to add dramatic effect.</blockquote>

;gaybian
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' a male lesbian.

<blockquote>''Uh... simply put—and I am willing to say this... in sound mind and body: I... am a '''gaybian'''.''<ref>[[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris only used this word once in the video [[Chris_Comes_Out_of_the_Closet]]. Before this video, [[Clyde Cash]] had threatened to harm [[Julie]] under the condition that Chris refuses to admit that he's gay. Chris being Chris, he had absolutely no idea that he was once again under another elaborate trolling scheme, and had no clue how to handle the situation. Chris thought he could be sly and admit to being gay, while also being attracted to women. Thus, he tacked on the word "gay" onto "lesbian" to create the word "gaybian" so that he can say that he's a "male lesbian", despite this being a complete contradiction within itself.</blockquote>

;geinus
[[Image:Robotnik.jpg|thumb|I'M A MAD GEINUS! [[Doctor Robotnik|ROBOTNIK]]! ROBOTNIK!]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' a genius

<blockquote>''Robotnik! Robotnik! I'm a mad '''geinus'''! Robotnik, Robotnik!''<ref>[[Sonichu 1]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An accidental misspelling of "genius", this CWC-ism is the result of Chris's ability to spell, or lack thereof. In his futile attempts to spell words with "eni", he substitutes this with "ein", possibly due to his habit of spelling words phonetically.</blockquote>

;get it through your skulls
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' Used to clarify something to your fans
<blockquote>''So everybody '''get it through your skulls''', I'm the real deal.'' <ref>[[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris used this term a lot when trying to clarify various misconceptions about him, such as his straightness, and who the real CWC was. Variations of the phrase include "GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULLS", "Get it through your damn, dirty, immature skulls!", and "Get through your damn, dirty, stupid, idiotic, immature skulls".</blockquote>

;gitar
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' A guitar

Origin: How Chris pronounces the word "guitar".
</blockquote>

;give birth, give the birth
<blockquote>
1. ''(verb)'' To transfer possession of the state of having been born, by bearing as offspring.

<blockquote>''My mother and my father are both really nice, old-fashioned-type people who not only '''gave the birth'''--gave me birth at their ages...which my mother is sixty-six, currently, and my father is currently eighty. They both just turned that way in the last couple of months. And, uh, I was born in 1982. They gave me the birth...then, and, uh, anyway, it was so nice of--for them to give me the, uh, birth during the early [[1980s]].''<ref>[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris seems to think that a sentence like "Barbara gave birth to Christian" is grammatically equivalent to a sentence like "Barbara gave Go-bots to Christian."
</blockquote>

;GO!
<blockquote>
1. ''(adjective)'' Having a style similar to the cartoon ''Teen Titans Go!''.

<blockquote>''As MUCH, as I would like to agree; Cute as it may be, it is still '''GO!''' Version, and #GOPony is something we Really do not like.''<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1211396957203247104</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(adjective)'' Of a descent originating from [[Dimensions|dimension CZ-69]].

<blockquote>''Just; Most '''GO!''' individuals are...NO!!!''<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1215833863718567937</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris used this CWC-ism to describe his distaste for the MLP:FiM spinoff series [[Pony Life]], believing it to be in the same vein as Teen Titans Go! due to its artstyle. He would go around on his [[Twitter]] account spamming Hasbro and/or users showing any interest in the show with some of his TSSSF cards as a means of protest using this euphemism to put it under a bad light.
</blockquote>

;go make a rhyme
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase used by Chris to indicate that he is in a [[Chris and writing|poetic]] mood.

<blockquote> ''Oh, Back Off, '''go make a rhyme'''. Love will come your way in good time.<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/913230475774369794</ref> Keep Heart, Have hope and faith. Life is a coinkie-dink strafe. Have an open heart, don’t be afraid. Your sweetie is likely in your friendship parade.''</blockquote>

Origin: Chris intended to write a rhyme in order to sound poetic in a tweet, continuing with the rhyming schtick in several subsequent ones. Due to his own laziness, the best Chris could come up with in terms of words that rhyme with "time" is "rhyme".
</blockquote>

;[[Godjesus]]
[[Image:Jesusbot.jpg|thumb|This is who Chris actually believes in.]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(shorthand)'' God and Jesus Christ.

<blockquote> ''As I have guide, as I was guide [sic] by, uh, God and Jesus. And because I, uh, cheated on Ivy lately, '''Godjesus''' were mad at me, so, even though she r-, even though she requested the recent items of question, sex-, [quietly] sexual stuff--videos and pictures--I am being punished because the trolls are getting their hands on them.''<ref>[[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''And also, who I'd like to thank, '''GodJesus''', our God and our Lord and savior, for their support, for their support as well, I pray to them every day, and I follow, I am guided by Jesus.''<ref>[[CWC Update 9 April 2009]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris appears to be somewhat aware of the Holy Trinity (Holy Spirit, Son, and Father), the three forms that God takes in mainstream Christianity. Despite accepting Jesus as the son of God, Chris believes that God and Jesus are essentially the same entity. As a result, whenever he mentions God, he is never reluctant to mention Jesus in the same sentence. Because of this, Chris made this CWC-ism as a shorthand of "God and Jesus". This CWC-ism was the primary inspiration for the term "[[Godbear]]" to humorously refer to [[Leonard Bearstein]], who Chris has credited for his name change. Chris now no longer uses his CWC-ism, now referring to both God and Jesus as separate [[OCs]]. Chris now calls God "Emmanuelle".</blockquote>

;grand number of pounds
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' Extremely heavy.

<blockquote> ''Note: The chair weighs a '''grand number of pounds'''!<ref>[[Power]]</ref>'</blockquote>

Origin: Used in a video where he tried to prove his strength to [[Vanessa Hudgens]], who was actually [[Joshua Martinez]], by lifting an office chair.
</blockquote>

;grinds my gears
<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase used by Chris to indicate he is annoyed with something.

<blockquote>Firstly, I got your image in my mailbox; while I thank you for your fanart, No Offense, but I do not appreciate Sonichu drawn looking retarded; I feel it '''grinds my gears''' a bit.<ref>[[Mailbag_2#In_which_Chris_insults_someone_who_drew_a_picture_for_him]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>Something that '''grinds my gears''' is how people are not accepting of the neutral terms of "darling" or "dear".<ref>[[:File:OpenLetter.jpg]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris used this phrase almost every time he wanted to indicate he was annoyed and not outright [[angry]]. It is believed that Chris has picked up this archaic phrase from [[Family Guy]], specifically from a segment from the show called "What Really Grinds My Gears", where Peter is talking about things that annoy him or "grinds his gears".

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== H ==
|-
|

;hand-drawing
[[Image:Chris holding a pencil.png|thumb|Chris holding a pencil|200px]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An original drawn image, as opposed to a facsimile of that image.

<blockquote>''I mean, does that look like a printout to you? No! It's a '''HAND-DRAWING'''! It's the original hand-drawing of the back cover I constantly used! Among all the other hand drawings on my SHELF! In my BINDERS! IN THIS ROOM! In this house!''<ref>[[Chris dispels videogame rumors]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(verb)'' To sketch without the aid of digital technology, such as a computer.
[[File:Sonichuipaddrawing2020.jpg|thumb|A non-example made by Chris.]]
<blockquote>''No, actually, what I thought, is that you skip the '''hand-drawing''' and you draw everything on your PhotoShop with your computer mouse.''<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris's process for producing his drawings is to draw them, by hand, on physical paper, and then scan the paper into his computer and use image editing software to add effects like lettering or (for the purpose of breaking the fourth wall) photographs. He takes comfort in the belief that ownership of the original paper drawings is evidence of his authorship and will frequently cite this in defense against perceived thieves and trolls.

Chris also thinks that drawing on a computer instead of paper is an inferior method of producing artwork; he thinks the results look "blocky and low-resolution," which probably speaks more to his [[:File:179-ShineSchuChara.jpg|his own experience using MSPaint]] than the artistic quality of, for example, [[Asperchu]]. The fact that a digital artist like Alec Benson Leary is nonetheless ''using his hands'' does not seem to have occurred to Chris.
</blockquote>

;Haterade

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a metaphorical drink consumed by haters.
<blockquote>''Therefore, for all of you '''Haterade'''-Chugging “GET A JOB!” spouters out there, I suggest you Shut Up and enjoy your ability to settle in a cozy Office or wherever. For the rest of us, the worlds and the dimensions are our Offices, and we are doing our best, so we can reach our respective Fated Destined Promotions. But, I Digress. <ref>[[June 2019 social media posts#Fan art isn't thoughtful when it feeds into Chris's delusions]]</ref>''</blockquote>

<blockquote>''Put down the '''Haterade'''; this is not going against any rules, it is just the way it is. Hey! I still have my flaws, so I am definitely Not a Mary Sue type of OC. Also, if I wanted a shot glass of '''Haterade''', I would read most anything this dimension’s @realDonaldTrump ever wrote.''<ref>[[June 2019 social media posts#Fan art isn't thoughtful when it feeds into Chris's delusions]]</ref></blockquote></blockquote>

<blockquote>2. ''(noun, informal)'' excessive negativity, criticism, or resentment.

<blockquote>''This is in reference to the Nypical '''Haterade''' Comment of “Get A Job” that is not only thrusted upon me, but to everyone who is creative and have powerful in their own respective, individual rights.<ref>[[June 2019 social media posts#Fan art isn't thoughtful when it feeds into Chris's delusions]]</ref>''</blockquote>

Origin: Originally said by Lars in the 2010 [[Lars Call]]. Chris then used it almost nine years later. Likely a pun on the sports drink Gatorade.
</blockquote>
;[[heart level]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris's way of measuring his emotional state

<blockquote>''100% Change the number to change your '''heart level''' and you can write a sentence to indicate how you feel.''<ref>[[Heart_level]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The concept of the "heart level" most likely stems from Chris's inability to understand emotions. As an alternative, Chris tends to use video game terms in order to measure such emotions.</blockquote>

;heal
<blockquote> 1. ''(verb)'' to ejaculate into someone.

<blockquote>''Had I Not '''healed''' her, she would be dead Late August.''<ref>[[Jail Letter - 16 November 2021]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris had somehow come to the conclusion that sex with his mother would make her more youthful, hence "healing" her.

</blockquote>

;heartsweet
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a [[sweetheart]].

<blockquote>''Rosey, as often as birds tweet, will you be my lovely '''heartsweet'''?''<ref name=OdeToRosechu>"[[Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu]]"</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Rearrangement of "sweetheart," possibly coined initially to provide more rhyming options in poetry. Chris primarily uses this term in Sonichu's dialogue, as the character's pet name for Rosechu. When speaking for himself, Chris tends to prefer "sweetheart," although the trolls use "heartsweet" in conversation with him.

''See also: [[sweetbolt]]''
</blockquote>

;heavyweight
[[File:Studalert.png|thumb|Chris does NOT look like Chris Farley]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Stockboy; person employed to move heavy objects and perform other menial labor.

<blockquote>If she gets pregnant and can't work, then I would be working. I would be working VERY HARD AND HEAVILY. [...] If I have to I would be, get one of the '''heavyweights''', that just moves the boxes around the, stock the shelves at a grocery store.<ref name=FatherCall/></blockquote>

2. ''(adjective)'' heavy.

<blockquote>I do not think Chris Farley looks like me at all, plus he was a LOT more '''heavyweight''' than me, and he was more wild than me.<ref>[[Jackie_e-mails_Part_2]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris, as usual, has to repurpose words rather than use the existing words that already mean what he wants to say.
</blockquote>

;hedgehog-defensive (or hedgehog)
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Protecting oneself by curling up into a ball, just like a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|hedgehog]].

<blockquote>And I do understand all that. Believe me, and I need not be reminded of the worst part, but my '''hedgehog-defensive''' state and all of the tears and leaking mucus and whole body paralysis that happened to me then and there will haunt me in reminder of that.<ref>[[TooManyGames#Personal_space_talk]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>@MLPSilverQuill, having one’s own spirit killed is really not fun nor funny at all. And, believe me, I was literally in a worse huddled position than what I see here, and I FELT DEVASTATED at that moment. I went full '''Hedgehog Defensive''' and let my quills keep others back. It Hurts<ref>[[April_2019_social_media_posts#Hedgehog-defensive_state]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Replacing the likes of his [[Megatron pistol]] and his [[pepper spray]], Chris has adapted the habit of rolling up into a ball to protect himself from unwanted physical contact. The protective state he dubs "the hedgehog-defensive state" is most likely based off of the spin-dash attack from the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise, which the titular character uses to attack foes.</blockquote>

;[[hermaphrodite]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A derogatory term for passing transgender women, particularly those that haven't gotten bottom surgery.

<blockquote>''OH MY GOD!!! UGH!!! ARE YOU REALLY A '''HERMAPHRODITE'''?! I'm sorry, but that naughty picture just really shocked me and made me want to throw up. *deep breath* You do have a pretty face, but what happened just now is just like the movie, "The Crying Game", or the Thanksgiving episode of "The Cleveland Show".''<ref>[[Mailbag 25#It's a trap, again!]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' A person of an ambiguous gender, or who is female, who also has a penis.

<blockquote>If a '''Hermaphrodite''', I would raise it to be male regardless since it would not have any eggs anyway. Plus big bonus for (him) in sex with all women (lesbians included I would imagine).<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin:A misuse of the archaic term for intersex people. Chris appears to use this term to refer to someone he deems as "almost a woman", which is also shown when he referred to some of his female characters as "all female" when having their penises removed. Chris used this term when he noticed that the sweetheart [[Bailey Jay]] had a penis, and she explained to him her experiences as a transwoman. Chris also notably talked about how if he had a "hermaphrodite" as one of his offspring, he'd raise them as a boy. Chris's rather specific usage of this term also shows some of his prior beliefs about gender before he transitioned himself, such as who he deemed "male" or "female" in the first place.</blockquote>

;[[HEXBox]]
[[File:KillThatHexBawx.jpg|thumb|]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Any of the video game consoles made by Microsoft, primarily the Xbox 360.

<blockquote>I never cared for the '''HEXBox''', and frankly it LACKS heavily in comparison to the Wii and PS3, PLUS YOU HAVE TO PAY THEIR FEES TO EVEN GO ONLINE OR DOWNLOAD DEMOS WITH IT.</blockquote>

Origin: Due to his [[Chris and brand loyalty|Brand Loyalty]], Chris had an irrational hatred for the XBox, simply because of how much you've got to pay for it to access some of its content<ref>[[Mailbag_5]]</ref>. Because Chris viewed this device as a curse to humanity, he tacked the word "hex", which is defined as being a curse, onto the original name of the console.</blockquote>

;hide behind/under his mother's skirt
<blockquote>1. ''(idiom)'' To behave in a cowardly, immature fashion.

<blockquote>''You come to me now. Come face me like a man. Unless you want to continue being called a cow-a quivelling coward who '''hides under his mother's skirt'''.''<ref>[[Challenge for Clyde II]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An antiquated phrase alluding to children literally hiding behind their mother's skirts when frightened.
</blockquote>

;hippo on one's head
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A predicament or unpleasant situation one is currently facing

<blockquote>''I'M WET. I'M COLD. THERE'S A HIPPO ON MY HEAD. AND CLEARLY, I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO DO THIS ON MY OWN.''<ref>[[:File:JailArt15.jpg]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' Someone's [[wikipedia:Hippocampus|hippocampus]]

<blockquote>''(EVERYBODY has a Hippo on their head; it is called the Hippocampus)''<ref>[[:File:FSM2.PNG]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris states in an e-mail directed at [[Regina Novakova]] that the phrase originated as an example of his [[random-access humor]], apparently as a pun of the word "hippocampus". Following from this, he would famously use the term in a [[HippoOnYourHead|Flipnote animation]] of a person literally getting crushed by a falling hippo, and then use the term several more times to describe the "weight" of the hippo on people's heads. He has lately used this term to describe his struggles with being in jail in a drawing sent to [[Praetor]].

</blockquote>

;[[homo]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A male homosexual

<blockquote>''Yes; the '''Homos''' I have heard from try to push their damn lifestyle in my face, and I DO NOT CARE FOR THAT AT ALL; What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it.<ref>[[Common Questions]]</ref></blockquote>''

2. ''(noun)'' A non-passing transgender woman, particularly one Chris doesn't deem an authentic woman

<blockquote>''So I would- so I would say, good luck being a fake woman because you'll never be able to achieve true femdom! And you'll always be a dang homosexual male, 'cuz you're born that way, you gonna to stay that way pretty much even if you're gonna- if you're gonna have your dick either chopped off or tucked in! People are still gonna look at you so ill. In the majority of this country.''

''Anyway, that's my response for now.''

''Damn '''homo'''.''<ref>[[Response to ADF]]</ref></blockquote>

3. ''(adjective)'' homosexual

<blockquote>''Every one of you who thinks I'm '''homo''' and calls me that—-because I am not; I'm straight! I'm straight!''<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref></blockquote>

4. ''(adjective)'' relating to homosexuals

<blockquote>''Again, to reiterate the issue, THE GOD DAMN F***IN' '''Homo''' Ads MUST BE GONE!''<ref>[[CWC Blog]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Before the [[Tomgirl Saga]], Chris had a hatred for homosexuals, out of fear that he'll become one himself. Even uttering words like "gay" and "homosexual" would make him uncomfortable. Chris also believed that those that strayed too much from their assigned gender at birth would turn out as being gay, which explains his defensiveness towards his more effeminate traits.</blockquote>

;[[Honest Content|honest]]
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' NSFW, containing adult content.

<blockquote>''Parental Advisory - VERY '''HONEST''' content.''<ref>[[:File:Sonichu - Advertisement, Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles.jpg]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris only has a slightly good understanding of what honesty is. However, Chris doesn't seem to understand when it's most appropriate to be honest. In his mind, to attract mates, he has to be honest all of the time, even if this includes instances of his sexual misadventures. Chris knows that he's not supposed to discuss such topics publically with ordinary people, so he would have to keep such things in secret. Therefore, in his mind, it would be the honest thing to do to discuss such actions.
</blockquote>

;Hurtful Truth Level
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A point at which honest criticism should be stopped so as to avoid hurting a person's feelings, regardless of the usefulness of the advice.

<blockquote>''And another thing, When constantly exceeding that '''Hurtful Truth Level''' to me, it feels like to me you're, and you may as well have, told me, "I Hate You! I Hate You!", and forget about me.''<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 23]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Said in an email to Jackie after she had pointed out several glaring flaws in Chris's lifestyle and personality. Rather than take her criticism to heart and improve himself, he got angry and defensive, wishing that she would show sympathy for him instead.
</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== I ==
|-
|

;I can feel the cosmos
[[File:I can feel the cosmos.jpg|thumb|right]]
<blockquote>1. ''(expression)'' Statement of achievement and oneness with the universe.

<blockquote>''I promise, uh, three da—three pages a day, drawn or colored, but, also with the, uh, website, and God/Jesus's support, I feel like... we will be seeing many new—many new thing. The website will be better. '''I can feel the cosmos!''' Peace.''<ref>[[CWC Update 9 April 2009]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Inspired by a line from the game Katamari Damacy, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmWxNFq6_3U "Oh, I feel it. I feel the cosmos."]
</blockquote>

;I got a fish

<blockquote>1. ''(expression)'' Claim that one owns a fish.

<blockquote>'''''I got a fish!''' Would ya like to make a wish?''
''I got a fish Would ya like to make a wish?''
''I got a fiiiiiiiiish! Would ya like to make a wish?''<ref>[[I_Got_A_Fish]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used in a song of the same name, where Chris's [[random-access humor]] shines.</blockquote>

;I HATE ME TOO!!!

<blockquote>1. ''(expression)'' A self-destructive phrase used to attempt to gain pity from trolls

<blockquote>''You know what, '''I HATE ME TOO!!!'''''<ref>[[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used as part of the title of a gallery found on Chris’s [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] Page.
</blockquote>

;[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]!
<blockquote>1. ''(interjection)'' Expressed angrily when you wish to break someone apart to kill them

<blockquote>''Jason Kendrick Howell... you BASTARD! BASTARD! You hacked into everything! You have driven me so beyond the wall, I can't even DESCRIBE it! YOU'RE LAUGHING NOW, BUT... '''I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD!''' Goodbye!''<ref>[[Jason Kendrick Howell message]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used as a [[death threat]] to [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] after he has hacked Sonichu.net.</blockquote>

;I'm workin' on it!
<blockquote>1. ''(exclamation)'' An exclamation that you are working on something important.

<blockquote>'''I'm workin' on it!''' I was making a YouTube vi—uh, a vid-dya for YouTube t-tellin' ev'rybody, "get the images off of the Internet". Y'know it's not...<ref>[[THAT IS MY HOUSE]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used repeatedly by Chris to assure to [[Bob]] that he is doing his best to take down information about 14 Branchland Court from the Internet.</blockquote>

;IBAChandler
<blockquote>1. ''(expression)'' Abbreviation for "I be a chandler," i.e., "I am a person named 'Chandler.'"

<blockquote>''I am so sick of hearing that stupid name that somebody made up back when I had that '''IBAChandler''' account, and I be a Chandler. You know, "I" being myself, "B" standing for specifying who I am, and "Chandler" being my last name.''<ref>[[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(proper noun)'' [[YouTube]] username in use by Christian Weston Chandler during his conflict with [[Liquid Chris]], leading trolls to accuse Chris of being an impostor of Liquid named [[Ian Brandon Anderson]].

3. ''(proper noun)'' Name of a ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' villain based upon Liquid Chris, ironically named for the real Chris's alias.

<blockquote>'''''I B A Chandler''', And I am here to copycatly sieze claim of you hedgehogs and this city from your absent mayor's domain.''<ref>[[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], page 79</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Inspired by [[Bob Chandler]]'s license plate, "I B MR C" ("I be Mister C.").<ref>[[CWC Update 29 July 2009]]</ref>
</blockquote>

;ID
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' Identifying.

<blockquote>''"That is the difference between Trans Gender and Vestites; '''ID''' as the other sex, and dressing like it, respectively"''<ref name=Vestites>[[September 2017 tweets#Chris argues semantics]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Possibly derived from ID meaning "Identification". </blockquote>

;[[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' the extremely high probability that any woman Chris talks to is not [[CWC-isms#boyfriend-free|boyfriend-free]].

<blockquote>''With the '''infinitely high Boyfriend-Factor''', I am not fond of about 99.999999999996% of the total male population, with a margin-of-error of the 4 billionth of a percent (for about 100 men) of whom are okay acquaintences.''<ref>[[Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris is aware the general chances of him finding a sweetheart are extremely slim. Not willing to admit he's not at all attractive to most women, Chris blames it on the fact that most men are "jerks", and that one probably is already dating the woman he's trying to latch onto.</blockquote>
;information overload

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An act of spamming a webpage with pictures.

<blockquote>''I had thought the '''Information Overload''' would somehow Take Down the page; I admit that I was mistaken.<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref>''</blockquote>

Origin: When Chris saw all of the explicit pictures on his Encyclopedia Dramatica page, he decided that the best course of action would be to spam the article with his own pictures. His logic was that if he kept doing this faster than the other editors, they'd have to delete the article, as they just wouldn't catch up with him.
</blockquote>

;instinction

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An instance of something being used a certain way.

<blockquote>''Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all '''instinctions''' and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "Deck the Halls"''<ref name=IRC2January09/></blockquote>

Origin: Once again an instance of Chris trying to sound smart by using a word that sounds foreign to him, made up or otherwise. The end result, however, gives the impression that Chris isn't familiar with the word "instances".

</blockquote>

;intersex

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Relating to any gender identity outside of the gender binary.

<blockquote>''As a Tomgirl, '''Intersex''' of Female Soul with Male Body, and a Tranny Cross-Dresser, I am in full support for Human Equal Rights for everyone."''<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out... kinda]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris used the term "intersex" interchangeably with the term "transgender" on many occasions, and also uses it to refer to Silvana, who actually is intersex. This gives the impression that when he talks about something being "intersex", he means that it isn't entirely "male" or "female".

</blockquote>

;[[Iron Curtain|iron curtain]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The mostly hermetic seal between [[Reality Cartoon]]s, such as the [[Chris and reality|real world]] and the fictional universe containing [[CWCville]], that prevents the [[Dimensional Merge]] from proceeding.

<blockquote>''But we are getting increasing magics, here, with more and more opening portals and growing tears and cracks in the '''iron curtain'''''.<ref>[[November 2019 social media posts#Chris begs; posts creepy photo of Barb]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Coined by Sir Winston Churchill in 1946 to refer to the limits of Russian intrusion into central Europe after the War. Chris presumably heard it once in [[Manchester High School|history class]] and forgot what it meant, unless he is comparing his fictional world to the [[Chris and censorship|Soviet Union]]. Alternatively it was fed to him by the [[Idea Guys]].

''See Also:'' [[#F|fourth wall]]</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== J ==
|-
|
;Jail of Fail
<blockquote>''(noun)'' 1. A rather unappealing jail to reside in.

<blockquote>''I have a temporary Soul Partner, a Holy Flame Type, you may Remember her (on her repentence tour) keeping me safe, well, not abused, and good, alongside Many (Good) Angels, Spirits, and OP allies in and around this '''Jail of Fail'''. We presently have a genuine Turkish Prayer Rug and a deck of Playing Cards from the Commisary, along with very much appreciated Sports Bra, Socks with no holes, Earplugs, and a few other goodies.''<ref>[[Jail Letter - 4 October 2021]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Said in a letter to the long-time orbiter and enabler, [[Kenneth Engelhardt]].

</blockquote>

;janekop
<blockquote>''(noun)'' 1. A female [[CWC-isms#jerkop|jerkop]].

<blockquote>''YOU'RE UNDER ARREST. SO SAYS THIS '''JANEKOP'''.''<ref>[[Feelings of the election results]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Whereas the term "jerkop" is a portmanteau of the CWC-ism "jerk" and the word "cop", janekop is a portmanteau of the words "jane" and "cop". The word "jane" is a slang word for "woman". <ref>https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/jane</ref>
</blockquote>
;[[JERKS|jerk]]
<blockquote>''(noun)'' 1. Any male other than Chris and his dad in general, particularly those that Chris dislikes, especially one that gets in the way of his LoveQuest.

<blockquote>''On the flip side, I feel discomfort around men, because they can be such mean and cruel '''jerks'''.''<ref>[[Sonichu Girls]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The term "jerk" is generally defined as "A person with unlikable or obnoxious qualities and behavior, typically mean, self-centered or disagreeable".<ref>https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/jerk#Etymology_1</ref> As stated in the quote above, Chris believes that all men to be cruel, selfish, and overall unlikeable. Therefore, he views almost all men as jerks.
</blockquote>
;[[Jerkop|jerkop]]
<blockquote>''(noun)'' 1. An official of the law.

<blockquote>''I would have left peacefully, in fact, I was ready to go, but I had a prepared speech to say to them stupid '''Jerkops'''.''<ref>[[CWC's Diary#2005]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Since Chris views most officers of the law as jerks, due to how often they'd thwart his LoveQuest, the term is a portmanteau of "jerk" and "cop". Possibly a pun on the word "jerkoff", which is defined as being "a contemptible man".<ref>http://www.dictionary.com/browse/jerk--off</ref></blockquote>

;[[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAAAAAAAY]]
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|thumb|Chris preparing for hanky-panky with Julie, using a blow-up doll no less]]
<blockquote>''(interjection)'' 1. An expression used by Chris to indicate how much he'd love having sex for the first time with [[Julie]]

<blockquote>"Oh, Julie...'''JULAAAAAY''', JULAAAAAAAAAAY!!!"<ref>[[For Julie's Eyes Only]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris first shouted this infamous CWC-ism in the video [[For Julie's Eyes Only]]. He originally intended to share this video privately with [[Julie]], (unaware that 'she' was actually a 13-year-old male troll), to show what their first date would amount to, despite this breaking his Three Date Rule. Seeing how Chris was somewhat of a porn junkie,<ref>[[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases]]</ref><ref>[[Miyamoto emails#Chris Sets the Record STRAIGHT]]</ref> Chris must have picked up that during sexual intercourse, one of the people may shout the name of the other person in order to "spice up" the orgy. When the video got leaked soon after, the term started to be used by trolls humorously, to the point where [[weens]] started using the phrase in excess, making the CWC-ism lose its luster.</blockquote>

</blockquote>

;jumping the shark
<blockquote>''(verb)'' 1. To start over from scratch

<blockquote>"I am moving out of this Twitter into creating a new one I created, @CPU_CWCSonichu. New and renewed followers will all be screened by my ally, as to keep out the Haters and Harassers. Starting up new and fresh. '''Jumping The Shark''' from old to new"<ref>[[Misc texts#CPU_CWCSonichu]]</ref>

</blockquote>

Origin: The term "jumping the shark" humorously refers to the point where something once popular which has begun to lose its viewer base pulls an extreme stunt in hopes of garnering attention. The term comes from an episode of the television show ''Happy Days'', where Fonzie literally jumped over a shark while water skiing. Ironically enough, despite Chris's misuse of the phrase, many people could easily say that the comic of Sonichu and Chris as a person have "jumped the shark" several times, especially with [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retcons]] and- of course- Chris's change into a [[Transgender|transwoman]].

</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== K ==
|-
|
;kawaii
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' cute or adorable.

<blockquote>''Also, I have thought up something '''kawaii''' we can talk about; Makeup and Fashion ideas.''<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 28]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''That look really suits you; you look so '''kawaii''' and cool.😊''<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1209184205776797697</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The Japanese word for cute, once popular in the English-speaking anime/manga and fashion subcultures. Chris has used this word in almost all cases where he describes anything he thinks is cute and cuddly, more so in recent times, where the use of this word is no longer taken seriously, and seen as more of a joke to poke fun at [[Joshua Wise|weeaboos]].</blockquote>

;[[Kick the Autistic]]
[[File:CWC gets kicked.jpg|thumb|A self-administered kick]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' America's favorite game

<blockquote>''I REALLY WANTED THAT TRIP SO I COULD HAVE A CHANCE TO IMPRESS MY SWEETEST MEGAN AND POSSIBLY FULFILL MY DREAM OF GETTING MARRIED AND SOON HAVE A DAUGHTER NAMED CRYSTAL. YET NOW I, A FRUSTRATED HIGH-FUNCTIONALLY AUTISTIC 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN, HAVE BEEN BALLZ-BROKEN LIKE I HAVE THROUGH A BIG CHUNK OF MY LIFE IN AMERICA'S FAVORITE GAME, '''"KICK THE AUTISTIC!"''' *sigh*''<ref>[[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' Any action which involves doing something to Chris that he doesn't like

<blockquote>''And if you have so much free time to play the cruelest game of '''"KICK THE AUTISTIC"''', then you CAN and SHOULD put the time to better use; volunteer for a social chore; take up the culture in tasteful art; go out and socialize.''<ref>[[List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#21 January]]</ref></blockquote>

3. ''(noun)'' Any form of discrimination towards Chris for being [[autism|autistic]].

<blockquote>''And so, the world continues to play the world's favorite game of "'''Kick the Autistic'''". I'm gonna need all the luck I can get. *Game Over*''<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris had this paranoid idea that the whole world is going against him and his goals, solely due to his autism. In this sense, the fact that so many people supposedly wanted to thwart his goals made him feel like he was being "kicked" around. </blockquote>

;Kra-Kow!

<blockquote>
1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase indicating that Chris roasted someone.

<blockquote>''What? I’m just telling the truth. I hear and see WORSE shit from you Haters. At this point, I’d rather look back in that memory than PTSD over y’all’s Hate-Filled content. '''Kra-Kow!'''''<ref>https://mobile.twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1231269768310722560</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Possibly [https://www.pinterest.com/pin/318700111138943542/ a comic strip] from Calvin and Hobbes. Most likely inspired by the sound lightning makes.</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== L ==
|-
|

;Laughs Under Lucricities
[[File:LULZ.jpg|thumb|"[[C-Log 03182026|For the LULZ!]]"]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(backronym)'' backronym for "LULZ"

<blockquote>''Although, F.Y.I., "LULZ" is short for "'''Laughs Under Lucricities'''"''<ref>[[Chris chan (CWCipedia)]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' Any form of humor made at Chris's expense

<blockquote>''... your bully of a boyfriend is the Original Author of the "Chris-chan" page that was put up there for the "LULZ", "'''Laughs Under Lucricities'''". Which I don't have to tell you is not only mean and cruel, the page is HORRIBLE''<ref>[[Chris emails 2008#August]]</ref>
</blockquote>

Origin: It's likely that Chris first heard of lulz on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]-<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2008#August]]</ref> the slogan of which is "in lulz we trust"- and thus forever associated the term with trolling. Originally he would simply say "LULZ" ''ought'' to stand for "Laughs Under Lucricities," but he soon began implying that it already does.<ref>[[Chris_E-mails_2008|Email]] from Chris to Robert Simmons V on 12 August 2008</ref> Lucricities is seemingly a combination of "lucrid" (another non-word with apparent negative connotations that Chris has used<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 48]]</ref>) and "ludicrous" but falls short of being a portmanteau and is more like the result of a head-on collision of the English language.

</blockquote>

;lesbian soul
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' What Chris believes to be his true [[Chris and sexuality|sexuality]].

<blockquote>''I am an all-around, good natured, high-functioning autistic, Female '''Lesbian Soul''', and Transwoman, artist, gamer and creative type.''<ref>https://www.facebook.com/pg/cwcville/about/</ref></blockquote>

Origin: When Chris declared himself transgender, he continued to be attracted to exclusively to biological females regardless of their own sexual orientation.<ref>[[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's]]</ref> Thus, Chris became a lesbian. As a way to assert to detractors that he was a lesbian, Chris cited himself as having a "lesbian soul" despite previously living as a straight man for thirty years.

 </blockquote>
;level-up king
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' Master of [[card games]].

<blockquote>''There must have been about 6 people including Chris and myself at the tourney and when he won he was jumping up and down a yelling "I'm the '''level up king'''!"''<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Follow-up]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Before his permanent ban from the [[GAMe PLACe]], Chris would play games of Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh with some of the other customers. Despite his sick obsession with both games, Chris never developed any type of strategy to compete with other players, making it very difficult to succeed at the game, even when he played against small children. Eventually, when the shop was just down to six people, which included Chris, the manager, [[Daniel Mimms|Mimms]], and [[Lucas]], Chris did win a match against a relatively new player, and excitedly jumped up and down at this accomplishment like a child. Along with this, he shouted the phrase "I AM THE LEVEL-UP KING!"</blockquote>

;like, you know
<blockquote>1. ''(discourse particle)'' Space filler during sentence.

<blockquote>''I don't want too much conflict to happen, '''like, you know'''. You wouldn't want too much conflict to happen, like, you know. I mean-like, you know, between you and him any further. Yeah.''<ref>[[I Love You Kacey]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris's speech consists mostly of uh's, um's, and other vocalized pauses.</blockquote>

</blockquote>

;live from home once again
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' An introduction stating that one is recording themselves from their home.

<blockquote> ''Hello everybody this is Christine Chandler coming to you '''live from home once again''' and we're going to talk about the recent and more obvious topic, of "The Dimensional merge". Yes! This dimension! Right here! 1218. Is going to be merged with our sister dimension "C197" where all of our s- where most of our superheroes, super-villains, OCs, and what have you, and other characters, consisted, have been existing and co-existing. Yep!''<ref>[[Dimensional Merge Announcements]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: This phrase became Chris's typical means of starting his videos since late 2015, replacing the famous Captain's Log. Although it is sometimes used appropriately (i.e. livestreams), Chris uses the phrase even in prerecorded videos that are not, in fact, live.</blockquote>

;[[Love Quest]]
<blockquote>1.''(noun)'' Chris's former on-going search for a sweetheart.

<blockquote>''As for Wes, I blame all of these happenings on him. If he had not taken my life-long friend away from me, I might have a Pretty Girlfriend today. And I would not have had to set out on endeavoring '''LOVE QUEST'''!''<ref name=CurrentDays/></blockquote>

Origin: Since attending [[PVCC]], Chris has embarked on a 15-year long quest to find his true love. Chris constantly failing to achieve this goal was what gave this CWC-ism its name.</blockquote>

;lovehog
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A lover in a relationship between two [[CWC-isms#E|Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]].

<blockquote>''Also, I have finished the drawing for you, and I have shown off the Original '''LoveHog''' Couple's Wedding Rings, and their three children: Cerah Rosey, Robbie Sonee and (Shiney Rosey) Christine Rosey.''<ref>[[Katie Bay E-mails 4]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A portmanteau of "love" and "hedgehog".</blockquote>

;lucricities
<blockquote>1. ''(pl. noun)'' lurid acts or motivations

Origin: Chris completely made this word up, presumably based on "lucrid," which may in turn be based on the actual word "lurid." According to Chris, the word "lulz" can mean either "Laughs at my expense" or "Laughs under lucricities," so presumably the two contexts are equivalent.
</blockquote>

;lucrid
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' obscene, profane, wicked
<blockquote>''And promoting the hatred, and...drawing such loose—such '''lucrid''' mockeries is not gonna further the story plot or have anything new created, or even gonna help in any way...''<ref name=csm>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Unknown. Possibly a corruption of "lurid," given the context. Alternatively, it might be a corruption of "ludicrous." Chris has used this word to describe the homoerotic/dickgirl art on the ED page, as well as the fan comic in which he was depicted as a man-baby. Ironically, even before Chris used this word
</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== M ==
|-
|

;majorly

<blockquote>1. ''(adverb)'' very, really

<blockquote>''Well, at the mall today, my heart had a extremly fast recovery, then it became '''Majorly''' Shattered again.''<ref>[[CWC's Diary#2005|CWC's Diary: 29 March]]</ref></blockquote>
<blockquote>''That Cake Cost Me $11!!! UGH! What a '''majorly''' royal waste.''<ref>[[Cakefarts#Later thoughts]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A stilted word used likely because has more syllables (thus making it sound smarter to Chris) than the regular ones it replaces.</blockquote>

;make one's own peeps n' poops

<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' to urinate and deficate at the same time

<blockquote>''Uh, actually, uh, actually Crystal is uh, doing, is uh, doing her preschool homework, and uh, Reg-, and Reginald's been uh, been a messy lil' babychild! '''Made his lil' peeps n' poops'''! And he went, and he went weewee all over the bathroom.''<ref>[[PlayingHouse]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Taken from a clip of Family Guy, where Herber the Pervert is letting his dog out to "make his pees n' poops". <ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtlwEfZEmrg</ref></blockquote>

;Mama
[[File:Christine and pikachu.jpg|right|thumb|Mama Christine with a [[Sonee]].]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' What Chris refers to himself as when roleplaying as one of his [[OCs]].

<blockquote>''I am going to some shopping and donating amongst the artists affected by the COVID virus of this Dimension, on behalf of '''Mama''', Chris Chan Sonichu. Thank you, again, to the individual who bought the book set recently. Still waiting for the set of #TSSSF cards to sign and offer.''<ref>https://mobile.twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1251259373810302977</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris believes himself to be a parent to his characters. Since he identifies as a woman, he has given himself the alias “Mama”. Chris further shows his lack of self-awareness by not realizing how awkward it is to have anyone, even his own characters (who are presumably teenagers) refer to him as such.</blockquote>

;[[Manajerks|manajerk]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a store manager

<blockquote>'' two Manajerks asked me to leave, because they said that I was loitering; I was NOT!''<ref>[[CWC's Diary#2005]] (20 July)</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A portmantau of "manager" and "jerk". </blockquote>

;[[Mary Lee Walsh|Mary Lee Walshing]]
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' akin to to Mary Lee Walsh

<blockquote>''She has proven herself to be a cold-hearted, uncaring, uncompassionate, lack-of-understanding, bigoted, discriminating, selfish, '''Mary Lee Walshing''', Witch Bitch!''<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Chris Expresses His Outrage for Walmart]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris's ongoing resentment against his old college dean has led him to compare a Wal-Mart manager who banned him from her store to Walsh. He apparently fails to comprehend that the "-ing" suffix is generally associated with verbs.</blockquote>

;mashed potato grenade

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a [[Wikipedia:Stielhandgranate|Stielhandgranate]], a special German hand grenade with a handle.

<blockquote>''I want to just kill him; destroy his goody-two-shoes nature, soul, heart and all that shit my '''mashed potato grenade''' could shatter, but leave his body in tact, so I'm not committed fro murder.''<ref>[[October 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used in a Facebook post sent to [[Megan Schroeder]] accusing her of his [[List of places that have banned Chris|ban]] from the [[The GAMe PLACe|Game Place]], where he [[Chris and reality|makes paranoid claims]] of what she, [[Mimms]], [[Lucas]], and [[Snyder]] were thinking that day. A corruption of "potato masher grenade", a common English nickname of the Stielhandgranate<ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stielhandgranate</ref>.</blockquote>

;[[Mass debating|mass debate]]
[[File:Mass_Debate.jpg|right|thumb|Massive Debating]]
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' to pleasure one's self; to masturbate

<blockquote>''I've actually done it '''mass debating''' to myself so many times, even with a hunk of - even with an inflatable plastic woman...''<ref>[[Kacey Call 7]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: This particular euphemism comes from Chris's tendency to refrain from using inappropriate language, as well as his unusual variation of a southern accent combined with a minor speech impediment.</blockquote>

;mental block

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris's autism

<blockquote>''And, uh, during my high school years, I was used to being surrounded by… girls… in my circle, and after having to, uh, leave them I felt ever so lonesome. And, after the stress from some of the people—people at PVCC, as well as my '''mental block''' of autism, it became hard from me to approach gir—approach the girls like I used to.''<ref>[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris refers to his [[autism]] as a "mental block" because he believes the term refers to a disability. In his case, his supposed disability to socialize with girls. In reality, a mental block is the inability to remember a specific thing at a given moment. <ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mental_block</ref></blockquote>

;Meta

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' being able to break through the fourth wall.

<blockquote>''Also, there is no problem with breaking your own fourth wall with us from your dimension, here. Go '''Meta'''. We are certainly Meta with and for you all as well.''<ref>[[October 2020 social media posts#Homelander and C-197]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: From the Greek prefix meaning "after" or "beyond". Chris views all cartoons as being on a dimension higher than our own. According to him, being able to break through the iron curtain entails obtaining a higher mode of consciousness.
</blockquote>

;mislabel

<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' to put a label on Chris or any of his creations in a way he doesn't like, regardless of truth
2. ''(noun)'' a label of such slanderous nature; see also "misunderstanding"
<blockquote>''I am NOT a Dictator. Why are you giving me an even WORSE '''Mislabeling''' than the Homosexual Mislabelings? Why do YOU have to be so bored that you have to make up NEW mislabelings to try and deface me over and over again? ''<ref>[[Common Questions#1_February_2010]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Just about everywhere. He appears to use this term as often as the word "slanderous". Curiously, the redundancy "ill-mislabeling" (as if there were any other kind) has appeared once.<ref>[[CWC Blog#28_December_2009]]</ref>
</blockquote>

;misspeak

<blockquote>1.''(verb)'' to lie

<blockquote>''Sometimes, I have '''misspoke'''. But you are more important to me than ANYTHING. Believe me! I swear. Hand to God. And on my Bible. I'd have to go look for it.''<ref>[[ToJackie]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Instead of accepting that someone has called him out on [[Lies|his bullshit]], Chris prefers to say he "misspoke". Needless to say, no one has fallen for this ploy.

</blockquote>

;misunderstanding

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a deliberate view that contradicts Chris; see also "mislabel"
<blockquote>''*AND WE WILL NOT TAKE THE '''MISUNDERSTANDINGS''', THE MISLABELS, AND ALL THE LIKE SITTING DOWN!!!''<ref>{{CWCipedia link|1=Issue_9/Page_39|2=Issue 9 Page 39}}</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Misappropration. Note that it is not, as in reality,<ref>[http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/misunderstanding Merriam-Webster Dictionary, "misunderstanding"]</ref> a mistaken notion (alternatively a dispute) based on faulty information, but a malicious action worthy of [[tard rage]]. Apparently a slanderous troll has to actively "misunderstand" Chris. Also, Chris has used the related word "misunderstood" (participle adjective) as an insult, not realizing that if the troll misunderstood (transitive verb) him, ''Chris'' would be the one that was misunderstood (participle adjective).<ref>[[Mailbag 39#Rosechu_the_transwoman|Mailbag 39]]</ref>
</blockquote>

;modnar
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' random

<blockquote>''I may be '''modnar''', but I try not to be offensive, and if I do, then I am sorry. I can not please Everyone.''<ref>[[LadyOfTheCosmo#Twitter]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: "Random", spelt backwards.</blockquote>

;[[Monthly tugboat|monthly tugboat]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris's Social Security Disability Service

<blockquote>"I'm getting by livin' with my folks and a '''monthly tugboat.'''"<ref>[[Monthly tugboat#References by Chris]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris apparently coined the term "Monthly Tugboat" due to a comparison he makes between gaining money through his SSDS vs. winning the lottery. In his mind, winning the lottery is like riding a "Luxury ship that can easily sink", while gaining money from the government is the same as getting cargo from a ship pulled by a tugboat. <ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 12]]</ref></blockquote>

;morrow

<blockquote> 1. ''(noun)'' Synonym for moral.

<blockquote>''The '''Morrow''' remains: Look up to whoever and whatever you like as your childhood hero like no one else is watching you; remain proud with your choice and preference. 💜⚡️''<ref>[[September 2019 social media posts#Chris supports playing with whatever toys you want]]</ref>
</blockquote>

Origin: Unknown, possibly a corruption of the word moral. Used exclusively by Magi-Chan during Chris month-long twitter roleplay in August and September of 2019.
</blockquote>

;Mother Nature errand
<blockquote>1. ''(idiom)'' The bodily urge to either [[Piss|urinate]] or [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|defecate]].

<blockquote>''All right, well, ladies, it’s been fun, but I gotta split and take care of ah... y’know, a '''Mother Nature errand'''.''<ref>[[Sonichu Home Club]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A peculiar take on the idiom "call of nature".
</blockquote>

;[[Muscle bra|muscle bra]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A sports bra used for covering a man's bare chest.

<blockquote>''And you know what, I highly recommend this to every dude who goes around shirtless: wear a '''muscle bra'''. Because nobody, and I mean nobody wants to see your dog-gone ugly pecs, they're so ugly and repulsive, ugh... creeps everybody out.''<ref>[[Clyde is Weaker than Water]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Contributing to his previous fear of the homos, Chris also had a fear of seeing the bare chests of other men out of fear that it'll make him gay. He therefore suggested that men cover their chests under penalty of the law. Chris most likely adapted this name due to some weird association he makes between muscles and sports.</blockquote>

;my two bolts and a heart

<blockquote>1. ''(idiom)'' Chris's opinion or takeaway on something.

<blockquote>''Okay. I get serious creep and dark vibrations from all of this. I mean, you may do as you will if it feels right with you. Just '''my two bolts and a heart'''.''<ref>[[April_2021_social_media_posts#Dark_vibrations]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris's version of the idiomatic expression "my two cents", referencing his emoji signature "⚡️💙⚡️". Chris has also used a similar phrase before while roleplaying as Sonichu, shortening it to just "my two bolts."<ref>[[Sonichu reads and critiques a Fanfic by The Crimson Libertarian]]</ref></blockquote>

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== N ==
|-
|

;[[naïve]]
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' dumb, lacking intelligence.

<blockquote>''You are such a cowardly, '''naïve''', retarded, individual.''<ref>[[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers]]</ref ></blockquote>

Origin: Chris only seems to understand the most simplified definition of the word. In general terms, the word "naïve" is defined as "showing a lack of experience, wisdom, or judgment."<ref>http://www.dictionary.com/browse/naive</ref> However, in Chris's mind, the word is used to "question one's intelligence". Despite his distaste for the use of the word on him, this turns out to be a commonly used insult by Chris.</blockquote>

[[File:FRENCH-NAVY-CameraObscura.jpg|thumb|Chris travels to France]]
;navy
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' semen.

<blockquote>''You know that, uh—first off, uh, the one... with the '''navy''' being drunk. Yeah. Som—yeah. A b—a—i—a—it's a good idea somet—uhhh... it's a... it's a good idea. But, uh, you know, you don't have to do it if you don't like it, but, uh... I recycle my own semen''<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Play on words, i.e, a navy is a collection of seamen/semen.

''See also: [[CWC-isms#C|Comeuppance]]''
</blockquote>

;nearly same
<blockquote>1. ''(Adjective)'' Similar.

<blockquote>''And so I killed about- killed about twenty miles round trip for gas to go find her house. But it turns out that was a troll posing as that girl. [sighs] THE VOICES SOUNDED '''NEARLY SAME'''.''<ref>[[For Chris]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;negligent

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' [[negligee]]

<blockquote>So, I went onto Adam & Eve's website, and ordered three garments, and a transparent robe. One of the '''negligent''' is about exactly on what I had drawn onto myself.<ref>[[WCT DMs#Sexy negligee]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An obvious mispelling of "negligee", a form of lingerie.

</blockquote>

;neurotypically hindered
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Lacking the proper mindset or intelligence to understand Chris's world building, just by being normal.

<blockquote>''Go ahead; that Is what happened that day, and they did not mind it much. To mock us makes you all Soo '''Neurotypically Hindered'''.''<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1203938198424035329</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris believes that the term "neurotypical" refers to having average brain function, rather than lacking any sort of mental condition.<ref>https://twitter.com/CPU_CWCSonichu/status/1207129697752141824</ref> He believes that if one only possesses average intelligence, it makes it impossible for them to fully accept his fantasy world, thus claiming it as a "hindrance".

</blockquote>

;neutral
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' platonic.

<blockquote>''I apologize, but I meant the term '''neutrally''', and I never meant anything from that.''<ref>[[LadyOfTheCosmo#Twitter]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''And One More thing, Darling!... Talluah Bankhead would be Insulted with your response to the term's '''neutral''' usage. Hmpf!'<ref>[[LadyOfTheCosmo#Twitter]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris believes words like "darling" and "dear", are gender neutral terms. Because of this, he assumes that if he claims that he used it in a "neutral" way, people will know he's not using the term in a romantic tone.

</blockquote>
<blockquote>2. ''(adjective)'' politically centrist or nonpartisan.

<blockquote>''He is a communist! And we do not like communists within this country! We are Republican, Democrat or ''' neutral'''... And I am '''neutral''', so I can go either way, but I do not exactly care much for communism!'<ref>[[Re-Calling Ahuvia]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;[[Niggo|niggo]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An African-American person.

<blockquote>''Chris: [sighs, raises his voice] BILLY MAYS IS THE NEW MAYER OF CWCVILLE!</blockquote>
<blockquote>''Max: Yeah, and also say that "Christian Chandler will be thrown in jail!" CWCville Jail.''</blockquote>
<blockquote>''Chris: And Christian Chandler will be thrown in CWCville Jail.''</blockquote>
<blockquote>''Max: "Where he will be raped by a bunch of niggers!" Say this one really loud.''</blockquote>
<blockquote>''Chris: Where he will be raped by a bunch of '''niggos'''.''<ref>[[Julie Reveals Herself]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A bastardization of the racial slur "nigger". This minced oath was used only once after [[BlueSpike]] persuaded Chris to say: "''BILLY MAYS is the new mayor of CWCville, and Christian Chandler will be thrown in CWCville jail, where he will be raped by a bunch of niggers''". Chris decided to repeat this phrase, but he also thought he could "outsmart" BlueSpike by replacing "niggers" with "niggos" in order to avoid saying the offending word directly. Ironically, a whole year after the incident, Chris referred to [[Surfshack Tito]] as a "nigger" [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|several]] [[Surfshack Tito E-mails|times]], despite not even knowing what he looks like.</blockquote>

;No fucking shit / N.F.S.
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' obviously

<blockquote>''[[The WCT]]: Don't let [[Jacob Sockness|Jacob]] get close to you ever.''</blockquote>
<blockquote>''Chris: '''No fucking shit'''.''<ref name=wctdms>[[WCT DMs]]</ref></blockquote>
<blockquote>''The WCT: The Sockness Saga will be something to watch when Geno gets there. ''</blockquote>
<blockquote>''Chris: '''N.F.S.'''.''<ref name=wctdms></ref></blockquote>

Origin: Another instance of Chris attempting to add unnecessary emphasis onto his writing.</blockquote>

;[[Nombie-zazis|nombie-zazis]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' zombie nazis

<blockquote>''Anyway, as for the medical study, and this will require your aid, Magi-Chan. In June of 2015, the scientists have found the gene-like molecule which makes a person turn...ugh..'''nombie-zazis'''.''<ref>[[:File:Son10revp3.jpg]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Replacement for homosexuals and homosexuality in the revised [[Sonichu 10]].</blockquote>

;not-troll
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a victim of trolling.

<blockquote>''Consider who does more harassing, which do you block? <ref>[[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-278#post-2549629]]</ref>
<blockquote>
*Every Foul-Mouth Troll
*The '''Not-Troll''' they follow</blockquote>''</blockquote>

Origin: In Chris's mind, only two types of people exist on [[the Internet]], those who are trolls, and those who are victims of trolling. Because the person being trolled is supposedly '''not''' a troll, they are a "not-troll". Chris eventually deleted the aforementioned post, and reposted it, replacing "not-troll" with "victim" to clarify what he was referring to in the first place.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-279</ref></blockquote>

;[[Noviophobia|noviophobia]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' the fear that someone you want to date is already dating someone else.

<blockquote>''His one fault, that has restricted him from finding the Ms. Right, he had a major case of '''Noviophobia''', where he is afraid to even approach most ladies, because he thought that they were all already paired up with “A Jerk.”''<ref>[[Sonichu's News Dash]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Because Chris was so frustrated with so many [[CWC-isms#J|jerks]] stealing his potential mates, Chris decided that his envy and hatred of men was a real phobia. Thus, overconfident in his ability to speak [[Spanish]], formed the word "noviophobia" by using the Spanish word ''novio'', meaning "boyfriend", and the English suffix, -phobia, meaning fear . </blockquote>
</blockquote>

|}
{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== O ==
|-
|
;[[OC]]
<blockquote>1. ''(abbreviation, noun)'' Original Creator. A god or deity, including [[Chris and religion#Delusions of godhood|Chris himself]].

<blockquote>''I recall that there was a Mythos about me online: myself, Chris Chan, I; I was an '''OC''' in my own stories; was I Real in this “Reality” that is Dimension 1218? And then I was confirmed in late 2007 with that blurry photograph of me in a moment of great shock and stress.''<ref>[[September 2019 social media posts]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(abbreviation, noun)'' Original Creation. A resident of a [[Reality Cartoon|cartoon dimension]]

<blockquote>''I am pleased to announce from this collab piece alone, we have ten Sonichu/Rosechu '''OCs''' confirmed for the OC Expansion Packs of our #TSSSF set of cards, and then some, as I’m also delegating with my other friends as well. This is going to be a massive and lovely OC party!''<ref>[[September 2019 social media posts]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Short for ''original character'', a common term used by fanfiction authors for characters invented by themselves and used in their stories yet not present in the source material. Chris believes that fictional characters [[Chris and reality|really]] exist in other [[dimensions]], and under the [[Idea Guys]]' influence was convinced they are deserving of worship. Beginning with the Console Patron Units from ''[[Hyperdimension Neptunia]]'', he has since generalised this idea on his own.</blockquote>

;OH! MY AXELS! (or OW! MY AXELS!)
[[File:Axels2.jpg|thumb|right]]
<blockquote>1. ''(interjection)'' Expression of pain in one's axles (the central shafts of rotating wheels or gears in a machine).

<blockquote>'''''OOOHHHHHH!!!! MY AXELS!!!!!'''''<ref>[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Written for [[Ghostbusters|Ghost Buggy]]'s cameo in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], based upon the character's tendency to complain about its aching mechanical components.</blockquote>

;OH, MY CHRIS CHAN!
[[File:CWC GoPony reaction.jpg|thumb|150px|right]]
<blockquote>1. ''(interjection)'' Exclamation uttered by Chris during his phases of holding a [[messiah complex]] and [[role-play]]ing as [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]].

<blockquote>''Why the Hell would you read that personal shit about [[Chris|Mama]] with [[LoveYouLongTime E-mails, 2013-2014#Chris fucks himself|the penis thing]]? '''[[CPU Blue Heart|Oh, My Chris Chan]]!'''''<ref>[[Chris-Chan: A Comprehensive History]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Typed as a comment for the [[Chris-Chan: A Comprehensive History]] episode involving an embarrassing email.</blockquote>

;old-fashioned<blockquote>
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Holding a belief that may be considered politically incorrect.

<blockquote>''But still, call me '''old-fashioned''' but, I'd rather be- I would not- I'd uh- I'd definitely wouldn't uh... NOT BLACK. Not black.''<ref>[[Mumble_4]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''My father is '''OLD FASHIONED'''; he NEVER gives thought to homos, and he HATES them too.''<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris seems to regard most traditional beliefs and rituals to be offensive to the general public.

2. ''(adjective)'' Dating back to the 1980s.

<blockquote>''Ah, you can tell this is an '''old-fashioned''' Lego set on account of this—the old-fashioned "LegoLand" on the corner.''<ref>[[Song of Christian]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris seems to believe anything that's been made more than 5 years ago is as old as dirt.

3. ''(adjective)'' Preferring real women over waifus.
<blockquote>''Nothing against waifus and the people who have them, but I Never Really understood the appeal and concept of making out a character from a show who is Dimensions Away from your own league to be any sort of a significant other to you. I’m more '''old-fashioned''' towards real women.''<ref>[[January 2018 tweets#Opinion on waifus]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Unknown. However, Chris seemed to use this word like this because he's aware it isn't considered customary to be sexually attached to fictional characters over real people.

</blockquote>

;ounce of vagina

<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' Essentially Chris's way of saying "I'll at least lose my virginity at some point".

<blockquote>''And, as for you, Jason Kendrick Howell… as sure as I am to get at least one '''ounce of vagina''', I have your number, and you're going down!''<ref name=AttentionAll/></blockquote>

Origin: Obviously confused when it comes to both euphemisms and basic units of measure, Chris has stated that he is sure to get "at least one ounce of vagina" within his lifetime.<ref name=AttentionAll/> In the years since, he's gotten at least [[Mia Hamm|two]] [[Barbara Chandler|ounces]].
</blockquote>
;outercourse
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' the act of stimulating someone else's genitals.

<blockquote>''I understand. You may or may not have had much exposure to sexual images as I've had, so the idea of a "hand job" (which was the act drawn there) as part of '''outtercourse''''' [sic]'' (versus intercourse) was a surprise to you.''<ref>[[Megan emails, 2008#Chris thinks she was scarred because she doesn't know much about sex]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The word "outercourse" is actually another way to refer to dry humping.<ref>http://www.dictionary.com/browse/outercourse</ref> In Chris's mind however, outercourse simply refers to sex which involves touching another's genitals, because the action happen outside of the body.</blockquote>

;overinexperienced
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Being overly inexperienced.

<blockquote>''My Body is sexually overinexperienced, and Starved.''<ref>[[May 2020 social media posts]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: It apparently didn't occur to Chris that sexual inexperience isn't the least bit comparative, at least not in the context where he intended to use this word.
</blockquote>

;overpowered (or OP)
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' A disproportionate amount of strength, which is worn as a badge of honor.

<blockquote>''If I was a neuro-typical mind, as opposed to '''overpowered''' psychic, I’d have gotten dizzy. ''<ref>[[September 2019 social media posts]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A term normally meant to refer to imbalance in game mechanics. Chris adopted the term at some point during or after the [[Idea Guys]] saga as a way to brag about his nonexistent psychic abilities and ludicrously powerful fictional characters.</blockquote>

{{clear}}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== P ==
|-
|

;parkay
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' an epic style of running

<blockquote>''Hello there, fans! It's Christian Chandler here, live at the downtown mall, where for the Sonichu franchise and city of CWCville, and everything like that, I'm gonna do a '''parkay''' from this point all the way down to the gara--parking garage where, at the end, we will get a nice view of the tent-style theater that's down there where events are held.''<ref>[[Sonichu's Edge]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In the video [[Sonichu's Edge]], Chris calls his style of running "parkay". Chris confused his running as a form of parkour, an acrobatic sport typically used in the military as a means of practicing the navigation of a complex environment without the use of equipment. <ref>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parkour</ref>. Given Chris's [[speech impediment]], the word "parkour" somehow came out as "parkay".
</blockquote>

;[[Parody|parody]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Any work that "borrows" characters, plots, or styles from other pieces of fiction, whether infringing International [[Chris and copyright|Copyright]] Law or otherwise.

<blockquote>''Any names, or persons, illustrated in any of the Sonichu Comics, except that of Christian Weston Chandler, that may seem similar to anyone in real life, are purely coincidental, or otherwise '''parodic'''.''<ref>https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=File:Issue_8_Cover.jpg</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris's understanding of what constitutes as a parody most likely comes from his interest in shows like [[Family Guy]] and [[Excel Saga]], the former of which use copyrighted characters to make jokes around them, and the latter of which parodied various clichés found in anime. In his mind, because those shows can get away with using such characters and scenes, that gives him an excuse to do the same thing in his comics as long as he states it's being done as a "parody". Ironically, Whenever Chris spoted an actual parody, he thought that the characters from the original work were being defaced.<ref>[[Parody#Chris does not understand the concept of parody]]</ref></blockquote>

;peanut
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Someone who disregards you, or otherwise does not accept you for who you are.

<blockquote>''So you enjoy it, just do it—don't worry about other people's opi—pinions. Because, uh, compared to the other schools, those people who disregard you are just total '''peanuts'''. And I'm not talkin' Charlie Brown; I'm talkin' 'bout the little nuts after the shells. The real peanut gallery. That would be peanuts, wouldn't it?''<ref name=FutureMessage/></blockquote>

Origin: Apparently derived from "{{w|peanut gallery}}," a term used to describe the hecklers in an vaudeville audience who would throw peanuts at a performer. Chris's own spin on this concept is to dismiss such hecklers as being insignificant like literal peanuts.
</blockquote>

;[[Pedofork|pedofork]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A pedophile.

<blockquote>''I am not a '''pedofork''', you DORKS!!!''<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Created as a half-assed attempt to make "pedophile" rhyme with dork. Coined in Chris's [[Madman Rising]] video, in response to the trolls who were comparing him to [[wikipedia:Herbert_(Family_Guy)| Herbert the Pervert]] from ''Family Guy''.</blockquote>

;Pfalm
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The act of placing your palm over someone's face or the camera, as if it's the viewer's face.

<blockquote>''Be geek, be proud, pfaaaaaalm! Emgo; silly! Silly, silly person. Have a good day, be safe, be good.''<ref>[[CLog 10172017 - Medallion Making]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: According to Chris, it comes from the phrase "palm in your face" which is a phrase [[Emgo316]] uses, combining the words "palm" and "face".<ref>[[Random Thoughts (will be updated from time to time)]]</ref> Even though the CWC-ism was coined by Chris in 2017,<ref>[[Son-Chu Review]]</ref> it was not actively used until 2024.
</blockquote>

;[[Pickle|pickle]]
[[File:Pickle Rick.jpg|right|thumb|Chris bought this back in 2018. The brine-soaked irony!]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A penis, particularly one of [[JERKS|any man that isn't Chris]].

<blockquote>''Do me a favor, draw a VAGINA on my Rosechu, Rosechu IS A GIRL; SHE NEVER HAD A FREAKIN' '''PICKLE'''!!!!''<ref>[[:File:Chrisreply3.PNG]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The word "pickle" is one of the few hundred slang words for the word "penis".<ref>https://web.stanford.edu/~eckert/PDF/PenisTesticlesSlang.pdf</ref> It is unknown why Chris prefers to refer to the penises of other men as "pickles", while he calls his own his "duck", but it may have to do with Chris's sexual insecurity and the fact that he legitimately hates actual pickles <ref>[[Mailbag 4#Why Chris hates pickles]]</ref>, whereas Chris thinks he's special enough to have a cutesy name for his own penis.</blockquote>

;[[Pmurt]]

<blockquote>1. ''(proper noun)'' The 45th and 47th president of the United States: Donald Trump.

<blockquote>''EID '''PMURT''' EID!!!!!!''<ref>[[Eid, Pmurt, Eid]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Donald Trump's last name, but spelled backwards. In Chris's first usage of this CWC-ism, Chris mentioned how "Trump spelled backward is "Pmurt", which sounds like "hurt".<ref>[[September 2016 Facebook posts#Registered to vote]]</ref>
Due to Chris's strong hatred for Trump, he frequently referred to Trump as Pmurt- believing that the spoken word of a backwards name has the power to degrade and weaken a person.<ref>[[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L]]</ref>. In Chris's eyes, if he repeated the word again and again, everyone would turn against Trump and start voting for [[Wikipedia:Hillary Clinton|Hillary]]. Unsurprisingly, Chris had no sway over the election aside from his own vote.
</blockquote>

;point at your snout and oink
<blockquote>1. ''(verb phrase)'' Do something humiliating to yourself.

<blockquote>''You both want me to even Beg, you can go '''point at your own damn snouts and Oink''' like Eric Cartman, and then [[Rape]] yourselves with your own Damn [[Star Wars|Darth Maul]] [[Sex toys|Dual LightSabre]].''<ref>[[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A reference to a scene in the ''[[South Park]]'' episode "{{w|Scott Tenorman Must Die}}", where Scott makes Eric Cartman embarass himself by singing a song about being a "little piggy". Chris said this to [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Surfshack Tito]] upon failing to receive a cash bounty for destroying his own [[PlayStation 3]].
</blockquote>

;poke
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Marijuana.

<blockquote>''Anyway, eclectic! High on the hedge and high on the hog. You want some of this '''poke''', mon?<ref>[[CWC address to Royal Board]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Intended as a demonstration of what "Soni-Chew the Eclectic Heeedge Hog Poke Mon of London, England" would sound like. A coded reference to Pokémon, and may or may not be a play on the verb "toke".
</blockquote>

;[[Polyamorous marriage|polyamorous]]
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Polygamous.

<blockquote>''I go'' [sic] ''married to Magi-Chan Sonichu and Cryzel Rosechu last March, and then I married Sylvana Rosechu and Mewtwo last June. We all share a '''polyamorous''' relationship.''<ref>[[:File:Miss_Cherry_asks_Chris_about_his_marriages.png]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An etymologically malformed neologism from the 1970's for having multiple romantic or sexual relations at once, misapplied by Chris. </blockquote>

;prawns
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Subordinates or helpers, often those wittingly or unwittingly aiding a sinister character.

<blockquote>''You keep sending out your '''prawns''' to do your dirty work, you coward.''<ref>[[List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris almost certainly meant to type "pawns" here. </blockquote>

;[[Prickly-Wicklies|prickly-wicklies]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Punishments given for insulting or harming Chris.

<blockquote>''War gets you '''prickly-wicklies'''... as well as punches.''<ref>[[Fuzzy-Wuzzies & Prickly-Wicklies#Possible origin]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Refer to ''Fuzzy-Wuzzies''.

''See Also:'' [[CWC-isms#F|fuzzy-wuzzies]]

</blockquote>

;[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]
[[Image:PVCCitizens.jpg|thumb]]
<blockquote>1. ''(backronym)'' The headquarters of several Sonichu villains.</blockquote>

<blockquote>Origin: The name itself is a backronym of the college Chris attended, the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. After experiencing several mishaps throughout his college experience<ref>[[Piedmont Virginia Community College#Kicked out of English]]</ref><ref>[[Piedmont Virginia Community College#Kicked out of college]]</ref>, the dean giving him the cold hard truth about why his [[Love Quest]] is doomed to fail became the straw that broke the camel's back, and Chris thought it would be a smart idea to deface the college afterward in his comics.</blockquote>

;prowldent
<blockquote>1. ''(???)'' Unknown.

<blockquote>There's no quote to cite this from, just a logo in which Chris gives the name "Prowldent Virginia Community College" to [[PVCC]].<ref>[[:File:ProwldentVCC.jpg]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Likely combining connotations of "prowl" and "dent" (either to leave an indentation or [[fangs|teeth]]).
</blockquote>

;Pu Tuhs!
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' Shut Up!

<blockquote>''SHE; my Ariel Starter was Female from the start, so '''Pu Tuhs!'''''<ref>[[December 2016 Facebook posts#Favorite Pokemon]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: "Shut up" backwards. Because it is backwards, Chris thinks it is more debasing than the normal version of the phrase.
</blockquote>

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== Q ==
|-
|

;q-sand
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' Short for quarter sandwich (i.e. a quarter of a sandwich).

<blockquote>
''So, mom ignored her and ate the '''q-sand''' in front of her.''<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 31]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Appeared in an [[Jackie E-mails 31|e-mail]] sent to [[Jackie]] dated August 5, 2011. Most likely unnecessarily used as a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|way past cool]] abbreviation.
</blockquote>

;quarters
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An office space; headquarters.

<blockquote>''Then that B-Dog ripped up my notes and all, dragged me to her '''quarters''' and talked down to me very RUDELY AND HOARSELY.''<ref>[[Chris's Wikipedia profile]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Whenever Chris says that he's being brought to someone's office, he always refers to it as their "quarters", as if he was being brought to some kind of evil hideout. This could be to add unnecessary dramatic effect to his stories.

2. ''(noun, pl.)'' coins, no matter their origin or worth.

<blockquote>''Uhh. I want a soda, but it takes only C '''quarters''' and I only have W quarters. Do you have any change?''<ref>[[Sonichu 9 Official Videobook]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The first time this word was used like this was in [[Sonichu 9]], where it is revealed that [[CWCville]] issues its currency in the form of "C-quarters" and "W-quarters". According to this issue, 10 C-quarters, make up a single W-quarter, which ultimately defeats the whole concept of the "quarter" coin. Despite being a part of the United States, CWC-ville still issues this strange form of currency, along with US dollars. Because of this, Chris likely decided to refer to his currency as "quarters" so that it could technically count as US currency.</blockquote>

;quite
<blockquote>1. ''(exclamation)'' A fancy replacement of the word "right" or "correct".

<blockquote>''Arthur: Magi-Chan, it's because of his-- you know, he wants to help all of his friends, and with his ability to contact them all simultaenously at the same time, it's an amazing ability to have.</blockquote>

<blockquote>''Chris: '''Quite''', he is the psychic type, after all.''<ref name=CatKnight>[[CatKnight Interview]]''</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(adverb)'' to the utmost or most absolute extent or degree; absolutely; completely.

<blockquote> ''Hm. Not enough to, uhh... Well, he knows quite-- he can see '''quite''' a bit far into the future, but although there are details of which you might not be able to see, a point or two.'' <ref name=CatKnight/></blockquote>

<blockquote>''For a hundred dollars? Th-that's, that's '''quite''', that's uh, it'd take more funds for me to, more funds than that for me to be able to acquire the material figures...''<ref name=CatKnight/></blockquote>

Origin: Chris infamously used this word, along with "indeed" ad nauseam in his interview with [[Arthur Spatchcock]], believing that doing so is essentially the same as speaking his language, British if you will.</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== R ==
|-
|

;raincoat
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a condom.

<blockquote>''You ARE the woman...we gotta stop by [[Wal-Mart|Wall-Mall-Wart]] on the way for a "'''raincoat'''".''<ref>[[Sonichu 7 Official Videobook]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The term "raincoat" is actually an archaic slang term for the word "condom".<ref>https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/raincoat</ref> Given that Chris has been raised by two geezers his whole life, and that part of his childhood has consisted of [[Gilligan's Island|old TV shows]], Chris thought that people would understand what he meant when he states that his Mary Sues are having protected sex with a raincoat.</blockquote>

;[[random-access humor]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' non-sequitur.

<blockquote>''Punchy grew up in a dojo, where he perfected his punches. He is also full of '''random-access humor'''. He lost his tail in a brutal fight.''<ref>https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComicP5.htm</ref></blockquote>

Origin: According to Chris, his brain is completely random, and it always spews out incoherent garbage. In his mind, this works in the same way a computer processes random-access memory.<ref name=FatherCall/>

</blockquote>

;rapier
[[File:ReldnahcTheRapier .jpg|thumb|Reldnahc the Rapier]]
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun, attributive)'' rapist, sexual assailant.

<blockquote>
''Now! My '''rapier''' friend, I would very much like you to get off me, please.''<ref>[[Sonichu 12]], [[:File:SchuComic12-1P60.jpg|page 60]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris-Chan Sonichu calls [[Reldnahc_Notsew_Naitsirhc#Fictional_biography|Reldnahc Ha-Taque]] his "rapier friend" in [[Sonichu 12|Sonichu #12]] after Reldnahc tackles him to the ground in a suggestive pose and touches his chest, thus (in Chris's hyperbolic mind) "raping" him. As a double double entendre, he could also be using the externally attested definition, as an adjective meaning "witty",<ref>https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/rapier#Adjective</ref> and metaphorically referring to a kind of thin, sharp-pointed sword. This is incredibly unlikely due to Chris's basic understanding of the English language, and he most likely didn't know "rapist" is the term for one who rapes, not raper or rapier.
</blockquote>

;reality cartoon

<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' The universe.

<blockquote>
''Life is a cartoon; we are all the characters of the larger; the cartoons we make are part of our own universe; we're all a '''reality cartoon'''.''<ref>[[August 2017 tweets#"Life is a cartoon"]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Since Chris's life revolves mainly around [[Vidya]] and cartoons, it would make sense to him that the most believable explanation for the universe and everything in it is that it's all a cartoon. Likely related to Chris's known belief that [[Chris and reality#Fictional characters and media|all fiction actually exists in alternate universes]]. Chris's interactions with the [[Idea Guys]] made this idea seem even more plausible to him.
</blockquote>

;[[recycling]]

<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' the act of one ingesting their own semen to preserve their sperm count.

<blockquote> I '''recycle''' my own semen, because, uh, you know, yes I do masturbate.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]]</ref> </blockquote>

Origin: Chris, having very little knowledge of how the male reproductive system works, thinks that men can run out of sperm from masturbating or orgasming too much. Fearing the loss of "potential children", Chris actually thinks that by ingesting the sperm back into his body, his sperm count will stay in balance, thus, he is "recycling" it.

</blockquote>

;[[Redemption Arc]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris's alleged period of redemption.

<blockquote> I am in my '''Redemption Arc'''. Please be kind to me, I have repented. All of you should be Soul Searching.<ref>[[:File:HarmonyCon Redemption Arc card.jpg]]</ref> </blockquote>

Origin: Named after the common trope found in fiction, where a villainous character atones for past actions.

</blockquote>

;reeb
[[Image:4centgarbagereeb.jpg|thumb|Glug! Glug! Glug!]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' beer or any other alcoholic beverage of the like.

<blockquote>''Then he glugs his '''reeb''', heh-heh, and then he conks out.''<ref>[[Sonichu 8 Official Videobook]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris, thinking he's so [[Slow-in-the-minds|clever]], decided to censor any mention of the word "beer" in his comics, by spelling the word backward.</blockquote>

;Resident-Evil refrigerator

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The refrigerator in the previous Chandler Household.

<blockquote>''Kitchen very much blocked off all over... with the '''Resident Evil refrigerator''' right there.''<ref>[[Tour of Chris's House II]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris refers to the fridge as the "Resident Evil" kind, because in Japan, the game ''{{w|Resident Evil}}'' is known as ''Biohazard''. Considering the quality of the household, that name may very well fit the description of the fridge in the state it was in before filming the [[Tour of Chris's House II|Second House Tour]].</blockquote>

;[[Respectable Frames]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris's aviator glasses.

<blockquote>''Grandmother Glasses? These are Respectable Frames I have picked out from Wal-Mart.''<ref>[[Mailbag 20#Chris defends the pedo-glasses]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used in [[Mailbag 20]] in protest of a troll disrespectfully calling his glasses "grandmother glasses".</blockquote>

;romps in the hay

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' sexual intercourse

<blockquote>''This page, by the way, was drawn before last March, so stuff Has Happened since then, it is all good. Go ahead and Muck It Up in your heads, Trolls; I Am BiSexual, and I Laugh at your Jokes. (Awesome Romps in the hay with him, as well as Cryzel)''<ref>[[July 2018 social media posts#BronyCon thoughts]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris has used this term since at least 2018.
</blockquote>

;[[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The female counterpart of the [[Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon]].</blockquote>

<blockquote>Origin: Derived from the appropriately named first Rosechu of CWCville, [[Rosechu]]. The name of the species is a portmanteau of the last name of the ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' character, Amy Rose, and "Raichu", the evolved form of a Pikachu.</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== S ==
|-
|

;[[saga]]
<blockquote>1 ''(noun)'' An ongoing event within Chris's life.

<blockquote>''A Sonichu Special: CWC's Love Quest '''Saga'''''</blockquote>

Origin: Chris was actually the first to use the term "saga" as Christorians know it today, using it as such when describing his Love Quest on the cover of [[Sonichu 4]]. It wasn't until the Miyamota Saga when the term was used by Christorians to describe ongoing events in Chris's life as we know it.</blockquote>

;salty
<blockquote>1 ''(adjective)'' showing more maturity or coarseness than is expected, especially knowledge of [[honest]] topics like [[Chris and sex|sex]].

<blockquote>''Ah, but I am not the weak person they think I am; I am much, much '''saltier'''!''<ref>[[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Based upon a line from "Bowling Girls", ninth episode of ''[[Excel Saga]]'': "But I'm not the sweet little girl I was a few minutes ago! I'm much, much saltier now!" "Salty" in this context derives from naval lingo, since the most experienced sailors would have greater exposure to both the saltwater seas and worldly experiences.
</blockquote>

;[[Scale of Respect|scale of respect]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Chris's way of measuring his respect for other people.

<blockquote>''I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my '''Scale of Respect''' each by 2 points''<ref>[[Scale of Respect]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris, like most other autistics, tends to view the world based on numerical values due to their lack of understanding of certain abstract concepts such as respect. Because of this, Chris made his very own numerical scale to decide on who should be respected, compared to who shouldn't.</blockquote>

;seinor
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Misspelling of senior.

<blockquote>''A cool Junior or '''Seinor'''-Year student, and follow their example on asking others out''<ref>[[CWC Blog]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An example of how the “i before e rule” escapes Chris.

</blockquote>

;self-epic
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' describing a situation which is epic, and at the same time related to Chris and his various clones.

<blockquote>''And I will square-off in the TRULY '''SELF-EPIC''' Battle between me, and my Dark Half.''<ref>[[An Important Update]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: [[Chris and his Ego|Self-explanatory]].</blockquote>
</blockquote>

;self-masturbation
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' [[Mass debating|masturbation]].

<blockquote>'''''Self-masturbation''' is really arduous and annoying.''<ref name=15min>[[Masturbation discussions]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris decided to add the prefix "self-" to make it clear that he was stroking his own [[duck]], apparently unaware that use of said prefix is redundant (the term masturbation typically implies self-pleasure unless one specifies otherwise).</blockquote>
</blockquote>

;self-sexually active
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' in the habit of [[Mass debating|masturbating]].

<blockquote>''And Another Thing, yes, I will admit I was '''self-sexually active'''; WAS. You all turned me off of Sex LONG Before I even thought of coming out as Trans in ‘14.''<ref>[[February 2020 social media posts#On seeing his father's penis]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A modification of "sexually active".</blockquote>
</blockquote>

;ship
[[File:Chillaxingcard.jpg|200px|thumb|An example of a "shipping".]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An act of two or more OCs interacting with or performing any given action towards one another, regardless of any romantic feelings.

<blockquote>''You must take a Pony card from the grid and reattach it elsewhere with this '''Ship'''. That card's power activates. At the end of the turn, until the Pony card attached with this '''Ship''' is discarded of removed from the grid, it gains the Keyword Villain.''<ref>[[:File:EpicOnlineBully.jpeg]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: An abbreviation of the word "relationship". Chris learned the term from the card game ''[[Twilight Sparkle's Secret Shipfic Folder]]'', a My Little Pony fan game satirizing the popular internet trend of shipping. He used the game as another creative medium to sell items to fans, trolls, weens, and enablers.</blockquote>
</blockquote>

;shitful
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' hurtful; defamitory.

<blockquote>''And this is the last time I will ever say anything in response to your '''shitful''' and hurtful comments and hatred for Hate's Sake!''<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Shitful is a vulgar slang word, synonymous with words like "boat-load" or "truck-load". Chris may have seen the "shit" part of this word and assumed that it was a more profane version of "hateful". Disregarding its actual meaning, the word to Chris is used for situations that seem "shitty" to him.</blockquote>

;[[SLGBTQ]]

<blockquote>1. ''(acronym)'' an extended acronym for LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) which includes "straights" and "questioning people".

<blockquote>''Considering your logo there, Texas will be feeling more love from the '''SLGBTQ''' community; give us props and Love, Lone Star State.''<ref>[[September 2017 tweets#Hurricane Harvey and SLGBT]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: When Chris first used this acronym, he didn't explain what groups the "S" or "Q" were supposed to represent, making plenty of people confused. Eventually, Chris revealed that the "S" represents '''s'''traight and cis-gender people, while "Q" represents "'''q'''ueers" or "'''q'''uestioning people". Chris believes that if he included straight people into LGBT, then those particular people would feel more invited to join into the community. Considering the fact that gay people are minorities, adding the "S" to LGBT only defeats the entire purpose of identifying people as LGBT in the first place.</blockquote>

;[[Slow-in-the-minds|slow-in-the-mind]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' a mentally handicapped person

<blockquote>''And finally, after a hard "odd" day, he rides home on a bus, but unfortunately, it had a few "'''slow-in-the-minds'''" on it.''<ref name=AWeekWith>[[A Week With Christian Chandler]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: While the exact origin of the term is unknown, slow-in-the-minds was first used by Chris in a high school assignment.<ref>[[Manchester High Leaks#Help This Unborn Child]]</ref> "Slow-in-the-minds" works as a stand in for the less-socially-acceptable "retard", so it's possible that Chris created this CWC-ism in order to self-censor.

</blockquote>

;slow-minded

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' mentally retarded

<blockquote>''As for what had happened during PVCC, in a nutshell; about Mid-Summer, 2003, I've realize upon revolation that I needed a girl friend to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up, so with a sign (which I've later realized that it made me look '''slow-minded'''; the "R" Word), I've started my Enduring Love Quest.''<ref>[[Chris emails 2007#February]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''OK, I can definitely name you a few reasons, like there was this one [stutters] …there was this one '''slow-minded''' individual named Tony. He was like as big as-he was as big and strong as an ox. He just kept on making all the moanings and noises and whatnot, and he sometimes even-even-a couple of times he even spat on me, and he even bopped me on the back of the head once or twice during the whole-during the whole time I knew him there.''<ref>[[Kacey Call 9]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(adjective)'' stupid, but not quite retarded

<blockquote> ''I'll admit I have had some '''slow-minded''' moments. But I am certainly not totally retarded.''<ref>[[Father Call#Crossing the Naïve Line (1:46:21-1:52:36)]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;SNERGEN FLERGEN!!!
[[Image:SNERGEN FLERGEN!.PNG|thumb|200px]]
<blockquote>1. ''(interjection)'' A phrase one may shout out when asked for attendance.

<blockquote>'''''SNERGEN FLERGEN!!!'''''<ref>[[:File:SchuComic9P6.jpg]]</ref>
''-What?''

''Uh...here!''
</blockquote>

Origin: An obvious example of Chris's [[CWC-isms#R|random-access humor]]. This weird phrase appeared in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], when the cast was asked for their attendance during a [[CWC-isms#D|Dating Education]] class. When [[Wild Sonichu]] was asked for his attendance, he blurted out this phrase as Chris's many attempts to be funny in his comics. Given Chris's childish sense of humor, it would make a whole lot of sense for him to include a character randomly blurt out a nonsensical phrase out of nowhere.</blockquote>

;snooze cruise
<blockquote>1. a long period of slumber

<blockquote> ''Next, he had Trigonometry...I'd hate to be Christian when his nerves kicked into action after waking up from a "notey" '''snooze cruise''', but I was.''<ref name=AWeekWith/></blockquote>

Origin: Taken from ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]'', in the Super Sonic's Story cutscenes, after Sonic gets woken up by Tails: "I was on a snooze cruise, I guess!"

</blockquote>

;somecummpentydifferent
<blockquote>1. ''(Phrase)'' Used to announce a change in subject.

<blockquote>''Anyway and now for somecummpentydifferent stay tuned for '''somecummpentydifferent''' — a bunch of good pushups!''<ref>[[Getting Foam Ed]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(Phrase)'' Used to announce use of [[random-access humor]].

<blockquote>''And now for '''somecummpentydifferent'''. BUUUUNG! And now it's Monty Python's flying elephants. Du tu du tu du tu du. Du tu du tu du tu du. Johan, why is people running away? I don't know, Greeg, why is people running away.''<ref>[[CWCFlyingElephants]]. Note this is the very first thing he says, so there's nothing to be completely different ''from''.</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris is trying to say "And now for something completely different" like John Cleese does on [[Monty Python]]. Suffice to say Cleese's ability to say three multisyllabic words in rapid succession exceeds that of Chris.</blockquote>

;[[Tobacky|somkey]]
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' The quality of having smoked recreationally, be it tobacco, marijuana, or some other substance.

<blockquote>''Thank our mayor, Mr. Christian Weston Chandler that CWCville is a clean city; nobody has to go home drunk or '''somkey'''!''<ref>[[Sonichu 8]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A simple corruption of the word 'Smokey', used by [[Jamsta Sonichu]] and [[Lolisa Rosechu]] during their report on [[Sonichu 8#Spring Break, 2008!|Spring Break, 2008!]].
</blockquote>

;[[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]]
<blockquote>1. (noun) The male counterpart of the Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon.</blockquote>

<blockquote>Origin: Derived from the appropriately named first Sonichu of CWCville, Sonichu. The name of the species is a portmanteau of the name of the titular character of ''Sonic the Hedgehog'', Sonic, and "Pikachu".</blockquote>

;soo
<blockquote>1. ''(adverb)'' Very, Very much.

<blockquote>''Dear Blanca, I am '''soo''' happy that you were revealed as my True, Honest Sweetheart-To-Be''<ref>[[Chris's Letter to Blanca]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In writing, Chris often adds extra o's to the word "so" to prolong the "o" sound and show added emphasis. This has the (unintentional?) effect of mimicking the speech patterns of a Valley Girl or an effeminate homosexual. However, where most people would add two or more o's, (e.g., "I love you sooo much!"), Chris frequently only adds one, resulting in "soo," which makes the word look like it's supposed to be pronounced "sue".

This may originate from pamphlets published by [http://www.channing-bete.com/ Channing Bete], [[Autism|short and uninformative]] self-help pamphlets often handed out at churches, the last page of which often feature a summary headlined by "Soo…" Given his distrust of help from anyone other than [[Rocky]], it is not entirely impossible that Chris has read Channing Bete pamphlets occasionally.

This is one of many recurring jokes in the [[Sonichu Audiobooks]] in which the narrator pronounces words like "soo" as they are literally spelled, instead of how Chris intended them to be read.
</blockquote>

;soul-bonding
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Sexual intercourse as a means of purifying someone.

<blockquote>What had happened was Literally a Divine Mission, commissioned to Christine and I by Emanuel (GOD above Gods), herself, to Heal and Cleanse Barbara's health and soul and being and Clear her of remaining sins and regrets through Coddling, Talking, and Supportive '''Soul Bonding''' to mainly Extend her Life, personally by Divine Intervention.<ref>[[Jail Letter - 4 October 2021]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris has somehow come under the delusion that having sex with his mother would "purify" her, and extend her lifetime, all through the act of bonding each other's souls.

</blockquote>

;soup beds
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Homeless shelter with beds

<blockquote>'' I mean, we have soup kitchens and we have '''soup beds'''. We should really combine the two into SOUP HOTELS!''<ref>[[A Public Announcement for Congress]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris tries to distill his "soup hotel" idea into its two components, but he mangles one of them by retaining the "soup" prefix.
</blockquote>

;sourdough region
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The crotch area

<blockquote>''Its weak point is still the '''sourdough region''', but it would take FIVE KICKS to get to it''<ref>[[Sonichu 4 Official Videobook]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In his Sonichu comics, Chris has decided to make the main weakness of the jerkops their crotch. The weakest of the jerkops take only one kick to be taken down, while higher-ranking jerkops like [[Jerkhief]], take five. The reason why Chris refers to this spot as the "sourdough region" is unknown, but most of his other CWC-isms already tend to sound so nonsensical to begin with, it barely even matters.</blockquote>

;spike on one's shoulder
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' refers to the act of holding grievances towards someone.

<blockquote>''There was a whole bunch of misunderstandings between me and my employer, and he had a '''spike on his shoulder''' against me.''<ref>[[Father Call#The Shit Hits the Fan (33:24-39:17)]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A confusion with the phrase "chip on one's shoulder".</blockquote>

;spot
<blockquote> 1. ''(noun)'' A small amount.

<blockquote>''the recent 43.98 purchase was actually a ''spot'' of Wheeling and Dealing I did; I actually spent less to make a profit.''<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 15]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris likes to retardedly incorporate British English into his sentences when he has the chance, possibly to sound more classy than he actually is. The phrase "A spot of X" is a British English idiom referring to a small amount of something.</blockquote>

;sticky dream
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A wet dream

<blockquote>''After falling back asleep Chris had a "'''sticky dream'''."''<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris claims that a "wet dream" actually refers to wetting one's bed as opposed to nocturnal emission.
</blockquote>

;straight path
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The quality of being heterosexual and cisgender

<blockquote>''And, besides, if you stray away from the '''straight path''', it can really jeopardize the entire future of the world and the human race.<ref name=FutureMessage/></blockquote>

Origin: Before the [[Tomgirl Saga]], Chris had an intense fear of "falling off the straight path". When he states this, he is essentially referring to being on the path to straightness, in the same way a normal person would refer to someone being on the path to success. Chris also had this unrealistic idea that being in contact with gay men would suddenly make him gay too, making him fall off the path. Possibly also an allusion to the phrase "straight and narrow" and/or the Biblical passage Matthew 7:14: "Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it."</blockquote>

</blockquote>
;[[Sub-Episodes|sub-episode]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The side stories in the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] comics.</blockquote>

<blockquote>Origin: A result of Chris's use of [[Chris and English#Television jargon|television jargon]] in his comics.</blockquote>

;sumbah
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Minced oath for "son of a bitch."

<blockquote>''Yo, Christian, thanks for saving my sister from that crazy '''sumbah'''''<ref>[[Sonichu Special 4]], page K-4</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Probably based upon "sumbitch."
</blockquote>

;[[Sweetbolt|sweetbolt]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A pet name used by [[CWC-isms#E|Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]].

<blockquote>''Ahh..that salad was great! What's wrong '''sweetbolt'''?''<ref>https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComicP11.htm</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' A sweetheart.

<blockquote>''I understand, and I will NEVER put it against you. Yes, as your '''SweetBolt'''. :)?''<ref>https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComicP11.htm</ref></blockquote>

Origin: When Chris first worked on his Sonichu comics, he tried to incorporate as many references to electricity as he can to match with the Pikachu part of the titular character. A portmanteau of the CWC-ism "sweetheart" and "bolt".
</blockquote>

;[[Sweetheart|sweetheart]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A potential lover.

<blockquote>''Oh, gee, I'm sorry Bionic, but back then I was na- I was naive on dating and all that, so I just didn't think of it at the time. But if you a '''sweetheart''', Meg has created quite a few foxy characters. If she's cool with it, you could go out with one of them.''<ref>[[Sonichu 6 Official Videobook]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Another cutesy pet name given to candidates of his Love Quest.</blockquote>

;[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up|sweetheart from the ground-up]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An ideal sweetheart beyond the friend zone.

<blockquote>''For days to weeks to months to years, I Felt So Lonesome and Incomplete. But I didn't STOP! In the name of Love, and the fact that there had to be a Boyfriend-Free Girl out there, somewhere, for me to get to know, grow a strong companionship with and make into a '''Sweetheart from the Ground-Up''', so in later years, after the inevitability of my parents leaving me, I WON'T BE ALONE. And I can eventually realize my dream of being a good husband, and father of a pretty girl named Crystal.''<ref name=CurrentDays/></blockquote>

Origin: As stated, Chris intended to use this weird phrase to indicate that he wants an ideal gal-pal well beyond the friend zone. Chris thought this phrase sounded so clever that he used it constantly.</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== T ==
|-
|

;teenages

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The 13-19 age group; teenage years.

<blockquote>''Ahem... hello, ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, and dudes of all '''teenages''', as well as the, uh, gals.''<ref name=FutureMessage/></blockquote>

Origin: In Chris's [[Future Message]], he attempts to talk down to just about every age group. In order to do this, he starts his video off with the quote above. Chris clearly couldn't think of a way to refer to teenagers, so he decided to refer to such people by "teenages". A butchering of "people of all ages".</blockquote>

;teir
[[File:Teir.png|thumb|200|Chris spelling tier wrong.]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Misspelling of tier.

<blockquote>''$1 '''Teir'''''<ref>[[Patreon]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Yet another example of how Chris is unaware of “i before e”. In a June 2019 update, he managed to spell tier wrong throughout multiple descriptions, despite the correctly-spelled word being visible right on the page.</blockquote>

;telekinesis

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Telepathy, i.e. communication through long distances, usually via psychic or supernatural means.

<blockquote>''I’ve been communicating with her through '''telekinesis''', and she sounded very lonesome.''<ref>[[Silvana]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Whereas tele'''kine'''sis means ''moving'' objects from a distance with psychic powers (c.f. ''[[wikipedia:kinetic energy|kinetic]]''), Chris has never used the term properly. [[Magi-Chan|Psychic]] [[Silvana|characters]] in the [[comic]] have both powers of telekinesis and telepathy, but Chris has only used the former to refer to both.
</blockquote>

;Temple

<blockquote>1. [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]].
<blockquote>''Food for Barbara is also appreciated, and Visitors who personally offer genuine Kindness and Good Intentions are all encouraged to visit the '''Temple'''.''<ref>[[Jail Letter - 4 October 2021]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In [[2019]] Chris designated his house as the "Temple of CWC Sonichu" due to his growing [[Messiah complex]].
</blockquote>

;That was a straw that sold the blade to the executioner

<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' That was the final straw.

<blockquote>''And on top of that, literally doxing someone on [[Kiwi Farms|Kiwi]], because someone has a hold over [[Bismuth|Naught]] to the point of him having to feel very insecure about himself. And the topper, in my eyes, one of y'all sent threats to [[Praetor|Anni]]. Fortunately, she completely missed and overlooked that memo in her inbox. '''That was a straw that sold the blade to the executioner'''.''<ref>[[MKR DMs]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris used the phrase in listing his grievances against some members of the [[Watchmen]].
</blockquote>

;theoretical ex

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' One of the trolls who posed as a potential love interest for Chris during the classic period of trolling, between 2008 and 2011; a catfish, generally-speaking.

<blockquote>''Yeah, it’s like, you know, even when I try to make a new relationship, uh, especially among the '''theoretical rex-, exes''' I had, I still could not tell which was which…''<ref>[[Catie Date Conversation Transcript#Chris's history with the trolls]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris started calling the trolls who pretended to be his girlfriends during the classic era "theoretical exes" around the time of his date with [[Catherine|Catie]]. When pressed by Cousin Al as to what he meant, he cited that people may not always be who they say they are on the Internet.
</blockquote>

;This Viral Event

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' The worldwide Coronavirus ([[COVID-19]], SARS-CoV-2) outbreak in early [[2020]], which began in [[China]] on New Year's Eve [[2019]] and has since become the most severe pandemic since the Spanish flu of 1918. Regarded by Chris as a trivial excuse to cancel a perfectly good ''[[My Little Pony]]'' convention.

<blockquote>''The Bottom Line is that '''This Viral Event''' is actually a better step in our own developments and evolution, as well as a deity-level test to sort out the weak from the moderate and strong of mental and soulful intervals, and nothing else.<ref>[[March 2020 social media posts#Chris finally weighs in on the coronavirus pandemic]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris's [[Chris and religion|theodicy]] assigns any misfortune in the world to the Dimensional Merge. As the disease's spread has caused many governments to forbid large gatherings as a sanitary measure, it has become a [[Chris and His Ego|personal inconvenience to Chris]]. He believes that the pandemic will soon be stopped by [[OC|fictional characters]]' efforts,<ref>[[March 2020 social media posts#COVID-19 a sign of dimensional merge]]</ref> making it nothing but a transient event.</blockquote>

;[[Tobacky|tobacky]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' tobacco or tobacco products

<blockquote>''If I could, I would take every last ounce of '''tobacky''', put 'em on a rocket, and shoot 'em up to the Moon.''<ref name=FutureMessage/></blockquote>

Origin: American English slang, used by Chandlers since 1856,<ref>https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/tobacky#English</ref> and for [[random access humor]] since 1928.<ref>[http://www.uwosh.edu/home_pages/faculty_staff/earns/song.html Back in Nagasaki Where the Fellers Chew Tobaccy]</ref> Chris hates the act of smoking cigarettes so much that even uttering the word "tobacco" makes him feel uncomfortable, so Chris uses this as a retarded {{w|minced oath}}.<ref>[[List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica]]</ref></blockquote>

;tom-tom
[[File:Duck Pounding Some Tom-Tom.jpeg|thumb|A duck pounding some tom-tom real hard]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' female genitalia.

<blockquote>''MY DUCK HUNGERS FOR '''TOM-TOM''' TO POUND!!!!!''<ref>[[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Taken from the short Adult Swim music video, ''Pound my Tom-Tom'', which served as the intro to the cartoon, ''Lucy, the Daughter of the Devil''.<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1DVoH0Njow</ref> Considering Chris barely understands anything adult, the fact that this was meant to be a bad euphemism, which the character, Lucy, used to avoid directly mentioning her vagina, flew over his head.</blockquote>

;[[Tomgirl Pictures|tomgirl]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A femboy, which is a person who identifies as male though still cross dresses.

<blockquote>''I am '''Tomgirl'''.''<ref>[[:File:I_am_tomgirl.jpg|PSN comment as of 6 April 2011]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: analogous to "tomboy", i.e. a girl who likes boy-stuff.

</blockquote>

;too many crooks

<blockquote>1. ''(interjection)'' Expression of dissatisfaction with an overabundance of evildoers.

<blockquote>''Well, call it--this was "too many crooks." '''Too many crooks!''' Too many crooks! And that ED page is one of those crooks.''<ref>[[Take that Page DOWN NOW!]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Based upon the idiom, "too many cooks spoil the broth." Although that idiom means something, this is just an incomplete sentence.
</blockquote>

;took my idea for a fall

<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' Refers to ruining Chris's [[Love Quest]] plans.

<blockquote>''I am very mad and upset, because that JERK took my idea for a fall, just like that XXXXX at PVCC did!''<ref>[[CWC%27s Diary#2004]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris used this in his poem [[Saddest Heart in the World]] as well as a 2004 diary entry. Appears to be a mangling of "took me for a fool."</blockquote>

;[[Toxic Trio]]

<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A combined name for the Watchmen [[Naught]], [[Kyle]], and [[MKRNightVee]]

<blockquote>''Hey, @everyone. For starters, in light of the recent events @Neko has been through, and the light shedding on the toxic trio, an announcement with care for now:
To all of you in my flock, I highly encourage each of you to begin and continue your own individual self-work in enlightenment. For amongst you all, as the Dimension Merge/Collective Shift draws closer upon the main event with the removal of the veil between our universe halves, each of you has your own inner potential and strength. We have no need for war or quarrel at all with the OCs and individuals of C-197, as I state to all of those individuals in regard to us of 1218.''<ref>[[:File:TheKnights1stLayer-26Jun21 - Chris intro.png]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used by Chris when he joined The WCT's [[Knights of CWC]] Discord server after WCT convinced him to distance himself from the "trio".</blockquote>

;triage

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' ménage à trois; a romantic relationship between three people.

<blockquote>''Magi-Chan Sonichu, Silvana Rosechu & Mewtwo / A Loving '''Triage'''''<ref>[[January 2018 Facebook posts‎‎#Mewtwo and Magi-Chan married]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A corruption or misspelling of "triad", possibly influenced by the ending of "ménage". "[[wikipedia:Triage|Triage]]" is a real word with a completely different meaning and unrelated etymology.
</blockquote>

;trollin' stupid

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Very stupid, in a manner pertaining to trolling.

<blockquote>''Because that's what you deserve, you God damn womanizing raping... '''trollin' stupid''' pickle suited... nigger!''<ref>[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris seems to have coined this phrase for his [[CWC "Boyfriend"|"Boyfriend"]] lyrics with "trollin'" serving as an intensifier along the lines of "fucking."
</blockquote>

;true and honest

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' something [[Honest content|honest]].

<blockquote>''I like sharing my honest feelings with other people because they're good feelings, most of the time. And more importantly they are '''true and honest''' feelings. SO THERE.''<ref>[[For Chris]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris first used the adjective with reference to his love for [[PandaHalo]], and the adjective was often used by [[Liquid Chris]].
</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== U ==
|-
|

;ugly growth

<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase used by Chris to refer to his own penis negatively.

<blockquote>''"Did I not just tell you I am Seven Inches Long?! It is soo long, that I am literally able to stretch it Under my taint, and tuck it between my own ass cheeks, beyond my ass hole. With help, I can literally even shove the head of the '''Ugly Growth''' Up Mine!"''<ref>[[Colin Chat 2]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;[[Un-clit|un-clit]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A piercing Chris got on his perrinium as an immitation clitoris.

<blockquote>''It is a short, steel straight piece with steel spheres, of which I refer to them as my '''un-clit'''.''<ref>[[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Introducing the Un-clit]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: During his Tomgirl years, Chris was, and still is, very desperate to gain female body traits such as bigger breasts, wider hips, a fully functioning vagina, etc. In order to get a part of the work done, Chris got a piercing on his taint as a sort of pseudo-clitoris, showing more of Chris's limited knowledge of female anatomy. </blockquote>

;uncouth
[[File:Uncouth Twat.png|thumb|Most uncouth!]]
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' unlikeable, lacking good manners.

<blockquote>''And, by the way, among which, You give the Males a Most Terrible and Horrible Name in your behavior. Most '''Uncouth'''.''<ref>[[Colin Chat 1]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''Trump is most Immature, '''Uncouth''', and Not Valid to be president.''<ref>[[Misc texts#Anti-Pmurt]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I felt it appropriate to change my profile photo back to the filtered one for what happened in France the while back with due respect of the continuing of Trump's most drastic and '''uncouth''' actions in office.''<ref>[[January 2017 Facebook Posts]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''You, sir, are '''Uncouth'''.''<ref>[[April 2017 tweets#Trump, you mocked the mentally-challenged]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''All of you are nothing but immature, borish, '''uncouth''', and damned Neanderthals.''<ref>[[Sonic Boom Protests#Chris Rages On]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''Not Sexual Fantasy; Friendships, You '''Uncouth''' Cad. Hmpf!''<ref>[[August 2017 tweets#Unleashing his inner Brit]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''And as it Had been My fault on that #NationalGirlfriendTweet that started the whole mess, that was Why I chose whole-heartedly to Harass Me instead of Doopie or Anyone Else who was being harassed with the mis-content from Years Ago from me taken Out Of Context, Mind you, because Harassing Anyone at Anyone else’s Expense is Just Plain Wrong, Bullying, and '''Uncouth'''!''<ref>[[October 2017 tweets]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote> ''And it was ignored by you that Talulah Bankhead coined the term for Tabitha, you '''Uncouth''' Twat.''<ref>[[August_2017_tweets#Tabitha addresses CWC flame war]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I agree it is shameful of these people to have accounts just to haze at me and all others, Soo '''uncouth'''.''<ref>[[NightStar2891 tweets#Twitter spam for Tabitha]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I miss Jessica. You Trolls Scared Her Off by either Hacking or Reporting her Facebook. You '''Uncouth''' Cads!''<ref>[[October 2017 Facebook posts#Still missing Quinn]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: As demonstrated, Chris uses this word way more than any 21st-century [[American]] would. It is often speculated that Chris picked up this word from an ''MLP'' episode, where Applebloom and Applejack are talking about what the word "uncouth" means.<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-SrQ-Oz1k4</ref> Seeing how this conversation alone is somehow a staple in the Brony subculture, and how Chris is one of those Bronies who sees more [[Night_Star#Chris_spills_the_beans|meaning]] in the show than it actually possesses, Chris likely picked up this term due to how foreign and smart it sounded to him.

Chris is also notorious for his use of British English whenever he tries to make it seem he knows what he's talking about. It is also fairly likely Chris may have adapted this word solely because he thinks British English words will make him sound smarter.
</blockquote>

;[[UNGA-WUNGA]]
<blockquote>1. ''(interjection)'' A sexual chant from the [[Cherokian Clan]].
<blockquote>''There is no quote to directly cite the use of this CWC-ism. This CWC-ism was used in one of Chris's art pieces appropriately named "UNGA-WUNGA"''</blockquote>
Origin: Comes from a horrifying art piece Chris drew of himself banging [[Jackie]] against a tree while a group of Cherokians masturbate to their orgy.<ref>[[:File:Unga_Wunga_Time.jpg]] (NSFW)</ref> As for the questionably racist phrase itself, Chris simply stated that it was "just a random phrase I randomly picked for the natives to chant as they jerked off."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 11]]</ref></blockquote>

;unto
<blockquote>1. ''(preposition)'' Archaic or poetic form of the word "to".

<blockquote>''Now that it has been made fully clear to me, I am now able to devote myself fully '''unto''' you, Julie.''<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 7]]</ref></blockquote>
<blockquote>''I am very devastated, due to my SHATTERED HEART that [[Mary Lee Walsh|XXXXX]] caused '''unto''' me!''</blockquote>

Origin: Another one of Chris's autistic ways of sounding smart, possibly in imitation of the Bible. (c.f. ''[[Chris and hypocrisy|Do unto others...]]''). Chris uses this form more frequently than most English speakers of the 21st century should, even when it sounds unwieldy.
</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== V ==
|-
|
;vaginatables

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' female genitalia

<blockquote>''There is no quote to cite the use of this CWC-ism. Chris used this CWC-ism in an e-mail address "ILuvVaginatables@aol.com".''</blockquote>

Origin: A strange hybrid of the words "vagina" and "vegetables", purely for Random-Access Humor.</blockquote>

;vege-marmite

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Vegemite

<blockquote>''Certainly not a '''vege-marmite''' sanwich. Lol''<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-372</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A retarded pun made by Chris to state his distaste for veggie marmite. Coincidentally, vegemite is essentially marmite, yeast extract from brewing beer turned into a pungent, salty paste, with vegetables and spices added in.<ref>{{w|Vegemite}}</ref></blockquote>

;vestite

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A transvestite person.

<blockquote>''"That is the difference between Trans Gender and '''Vestites'''; ID as the other sex, and dressing like it, respectively"''<ref name=Vestites/></blockquote>

Origin: In the above post, Chris intended to write the words "transgender" and "transvestite" in the same sentence without duplicating the trans suffix. He did so by adding a space between the prefix and the respective endings. It is worth mentioning that "Vestite" is a word in Latin, and simply refers to being clothed, without any connotations regarding cross-dressing.</blockquote>

;[[Virgin with Rage|virgin with rage]]

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' An individual who is sexually frustrated

<blockquote>''Tell me why
I'm stuck as a '''virgin with rage'''!
Tell me why
I so need a cute girl my age!
Tell me why
I never wanna hear you say,
"I have a boyfriend!"''<ref>[[So Need a Cute Girl]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: The idea of being a virgin and not having a sweetheart was something that greatly upsetted Chris. He would throw tantrums after losing a potential sweetheart, and thus missing out on an opportunity to lose his virginity.</blockquote>

;[[Virginia is for virgins]]

<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase that pushes the idea that the citizens of Virginia won't allow Chris to get a girlfriend solely due to his autism.

<blockquote>"'''VIRGINIA IS FOR VIRGINS''', NOT LOVERS!"<ref name=CurrentDays/></blockquote>

Origin: An intentional butchering of the phrase "Virginia is for Lovers". His belief that the state of Virginia is behind some kind of conspiracy to prevent him from finding true love has started since attending [[PVCC]]. While there, Chris has gotten himself putting up Attraction Signs, loitering with said signs on campus, and even creating a [[Sonichu's News Dash|newsletter series]] in order to attract potential sweethearts. Seeing how all of this violated the school's rules and policies, he was sent directly to the [[Mary Lee Walsh|Dean]] in order for her to straighten him out.<ref>[[Virginia is for Virgins#Origins]]</ref> Of course, Chris took this to be another instance of him being discriminated, solely for being autistic. This, coupled with the fact that he's already failed on several occasions to actually get to date any of his his female friends in high school, reinforced this belief. </blockquote>

;VOTES FOR WOMEN!
[[Image:Ss03.jpg|thumb|Mrs. Banks, wearing the "Votes for Women" sash that Chris so blatantly misinterpreted.]]
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase shouted in protest of pictures depicting women with penises.

<blockquote>'''''VOTES FOR WOMEN''', STEP IN TIME! VOTES FOR WOMEN, STEP IN TIME! NEVER NEED A REASON, NEVER NEED A RHYME, VOTES FOR WOMEN, STEP IN TIME!''<ref>[[:File:SchuComic8P52.jpg]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Taken from a sash Mrs. Banks, a character from [[Mary Poppins]], had worn. Chris clearly took this banner to simply refer to any kind of mistreatment towards women, rather than the fairly obvious implication that she's actually fighting for the right to vote.</blockquote>

<blockquote>''See Also'': [[CWC-isms#W|Women's Rights]]
</blockquote>

|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== W ==
|-
|

;Walter Grisby
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A man's name often employed in acts of random-access humor.

<blockquote>''"Is this '''Walter Grisby'''? Who threw a frisbee? Well you know what? DAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!"''<ref>[[Random-access humor]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' The retconned name of the character formerly known as [[Wes Iseli]].

Origin: Unknown; thought by some to be a reference to the Cartoon Network show ''Ed, Edd n Eddy''. A character in the PC game ''The Sims 3'' goes by the name of Walter Grisby, but the game's release post-dates Chris's first uses of the term by some years.
</blockquote>

; Warroir of Love
[[Image:WarriorOfLove.jpg|thumb|300px|History's greatest warroirs.]]
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' an advocate for spreading love and peace.

<blockquote>''"People! You do not understand! By Not blocking the Trolls, you are Promoting Hatred; They don't always side with Love. I Am '''Warroir of Love'''."''<ref>[[BlockTheTrolls#Campaign]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Misspelling of the word "warrior". Chris considers himself a "warrior of love" because he believes that he is the [[Chris and kindness|voice of kindness]]. Most likely derived from the derogatory term "Social Justice Warrior", a term used for individuals who advocate for social justice and equality.
</blockquote>

; water on the rocks
[[File:Water and Dasani.jpeg|thumb|200px|Literally a drink on the rocks.]]
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' water poured over Chris's [[magic stones]] for drinking.

<blockquote>''#DrinkWater; Filtered or Bottled, preferred; Quartz, Rose Quartz, or Amethyst optional to enjoy it '''on the rocks''' (held in place with aluminum wire).''<ref>[[March 2020 social media posts#watch anime to kill coronavirus]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''staying hydrated with more than 101.4 ounces of filtered '''water on the rocks''' within a #Glacce bottle''<ref>[[January 2021 social media posts#GFuel and meditation]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In accordance with his [[Magical thinking|New Age]] beliefs, Chris purchased a Glacce water bottle for $80+, which features a crystal display set inside. He later placed one of his [[magic stones]] into it, crudely held in by aluminum wire, and refers to drinking from the bottle as "water on the rocks."
</blockquote>

;well-breasted
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Having large breasts.

<blockquote>''And her image dawned upon me in my imagination, starting out as the '''well-breasted''' pink electric-hedgehog (Pok'emon) with the long Raichu-like tail, I drew her outfit onto her in red and Battery-Charged Blue.''<ref>{{CWCipedia link|Rosechu|CWCipedia article on Rosechu}}</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Confusion between "well-endowed" and "large-breasted".

</blockquote>

;witching hours
<blockquote> 1. ''(noun)'' The time between midnight and 4 AM that Chris cannot fall asleep during.

<blockquote>'' I know that I'm gonna be more effective with the '''witching hours''' during the night once again, whether I'm asleep or not, okay.<ref>[[Animated Everfree Message]]</ref>
</blockquote>
Origin: May have been picked up from Chris's increasing interest in the [[Magical thinking|occult]]. Generally, the phrase refers to the midnight hours, with the term being inspired by the ancient belief that supernatural events, like witches, demons, and ghosts, are at their most powerful at midnight. Chris adopted the phrase in reference to his [[Biological clock|unusual sleep schedule]].

''See Also:'' [[CWC-isms#B|biological clock]]
</blockquote>

;Woahly
<blockquote> 1. ''(interjection)'' Expression indicating surprise.
<blockquote>'' Who is it Rosey? The Stew's almost ready and I... '''Woahly'''..!''<ref>[[:File:Sonichu15-2019draft-p11.png]]</ref>
</blockquote>
Origin: Portmanteau of "woah" and "holy... (as in the beginning of saying holy shit)," found in [[Sonichu 15]].
</blockquote>

;woman up
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' The female equivalent of manning up.

<blockquote>''Fellow autistic people! I encourage you to man and '''woman up''' [Subtitle: "It is Socializing In Real Life or Dust!"] respectively! Go out into the real world, and make real friends with full, great quality friendships! Do it now!''</blockquote>

Origin: Used in the second part of Chris’s Autism Tutorial, where he insultingly attempts to rally up all autistic people (regardless of their functionality) to form proper friendships, all while missing the point of “manning up”.
</blockquote>

;[[Women's rights]] (or Women's Lib)
<blockquote>
1. ''(noun)'' Any kind of behavior towards women that does not involve abusing them physically or mentally.

<blockquote>''Christian Weston Chandler, A Man For The Women, For the '''Women's Rights''', For the Women's Justice, For the Women's Peace.''<ref>[[Other documents]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' The right for women to not be depicted with a [[CWC-isms#P|pickle]].

<blockquote>''FOR OUR '''RIGHTS AS WOMEN''' AMONG ALL PEOPLE, I WILL OVERPOWER THOSE SLANDEROUS JERKS!!!''<ref>[[:File:SchuComic8P58.jpg]]</ref></blockquote>

3. ''(noun)'' The act of women protesting by stripping down naked.

<blockquote>''Well, once we get our centerfolds shot and uploaded, hopefully those bastards will see and admire our beautiful lights.''</blockquote>

<blockquote>''Yeah, and if nothing else, we can still have a lot of fun trying.''</blockquote>

<blockquote>''With our lord's support in our peaceful protest, we can win this fight.''</blockquote>

<blockquote>''Victory for '''Women's Lib'''''.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic8P51.jpg]]</ref>
</blockquote>

Origin: Chris's understanding of sexism is botched up beyond belief. His zeal towards the rights of women is believed to have originated from watching the 1964 Disney film, Mary Poppins. He was particularly influenced by Mrs. Banks, who has expressed distaste for unequal treatment for women in 1910 London. As to be expected, Chris missed the point of this part of her character, and instead used this in order to justify his treatment towards the women he meets. Chris also believed that the term "sexism" only applies to forms of violence against women, and not necessarily representing in a condescending manner.

</blockquote>

;wooden nickel
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Acoustic guitar.

<blockquote>''I got the idea of the challenge from him COPYING me playing Boston's "More Than A Feeling" on Guitar Hero on his old '''Wooden Nickel'''; if he wants to copy on Guitar, he may as well be challenged in a Sing-Off.''<ref>[[Katie Bay E-mails 3]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In real life, a wooden nickel is a now defunct form of currency used during the Great Depression. His use probably refers to the phrase "don't take any wooden nickels" - that is, he is calling the acoustic guitar a semi-worthless imitation of his Guitar Hero controller.
</blockquote>

;worse
<blockquote>1. ''(adverb)'' Severely; extremely, in an adverse manner

<blockquote>''IMHO, having Seinor Citizens for Parents throughout your whole life is no picnic; they are '''WORSE''' Overprotective.''<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>

;worst mud, muck and bodily fluids

<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Mud, among [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|other disgusting things]].

<blockquote>''The DAMN Trolling-Stupids have manipulated me; smeared my once good name through the worst mud, muck, and bodily fluids.''<ref>[[June 2012 Facebook posts#Damn Michael Snyder]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: First used by Chris in a June 2012 Facebook post ranting about that damn [[Michael Snyder]]. Refers to having his good name or reputation dragged through the mud, with "bodily fluids" added in an attempt to garner sympathy.
</blockquote>

|-
|
;wrath
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' Great [[Chris and anger|anger]] or rage. Considered one of the [[Chris and religion|Seven Deadly Sins]].

<blockquote>''Apparently, my, uh, heed of warning towards Vivian has gone unheard or otherwise SHE DID NOT REALIZE THE FURY OF MY '''WRATH'''''<ref>[[Sign Destruction Video]]</ref></blockquote>

2. ''(noun)'' Strength sufficient to lift an office chair.

<blockquote>''I HAAAVE THE POWEEERRRR!!! FEEL MY '''WRATH'''!!''<ref>[[Power]]</ref></blockquote>
</blockquote>
|}

{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

==X==
|-
|
;X2-checking
<blockquote>1. ''(verb)'' Double Checking
<blockquote>''Just '''X2-checking''' if you got the drawing I left you.''<ref>[[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/twitter-8-11-2017-chris-spotted-at-bronycon.33187/page-35#post-2511049]]</ref></blockquote>
Origin: Comes from x2 meaning times two, which means double to Chris.</blockquote>

;XXX-tended
<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' Sexually explicit
<blockquote>''ESPECIALLY WITH ALL OF THE TRUTH BOMBS AND ROSEY ROSECHU's POST-INTERSEX-TO-FEMALE TRANSITION AND OPERATION NUDES IN THE '''XXX-TENDED''' CONTROVERSIAL VERSION OF MY BOOK NUMBER EIGHT IN 2008!''<ref>[[Jail_Letter - 20 October 2021#22 October]]</ref></blockquote>

</blockquote>
;XXXXX
<blockquote>1. ''(noun, censorship)'' censorship of the word "bitch"
<blockquote>''Mary Lee Walsh made it illegal to distribute the News Dash; I AM VERY ANGRY AT THAT '''XXXXX'''!''<ref>[[CWC's Diary]]</ref></blockquote>
Origin: Chris's only instance of this peculiar censorship is in his [[diary]]. In it, Chris repeatedly refers to [[Mary Lee Walsh]] as an "XXXXX", clearly as a censorship of the word "bitch". Why Chris chose to replace all of the letters in the word with the capital letter "X", instead of using asterisks remains a mystery.</blockquote>

|}
{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== Y ==

</blockquote>
|-
|
;y'all should know me by now
|-
|<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' An introduction to complete strangers.

<blockquote>'''''Y'all should know me by now''', but if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, the original creator of Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, back on March 17th, 2000.''<ref name=csm/></blockquote>
Origin: His second message on YouTube, addressed to the ED trolls. He would use it several more times after this, possibly making this into his tagline. The introduction is made under the assumption that Chris is [[Chris and his Ego|already well-known]]. May have been partially derived from ''[[The Adventures of The American Rabbit]]'', where a character similarly begins a speech by saying, "You all know me."
</blockquote>

</blockquote>

;yea and merrily
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase used to open videos where Chris is feeling [[Messiah complex|messianic]].

<blockquote>'''''Yea and merrily''' to everyone. Welcome to this.''<ref>[[Jesus Christ Chan Sonichu Prime Resurrected and Returned]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''Hey everybody! '''Yea and merrily'''.''<ref>[[Simple Existential Q&A]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: A stupid play on "yea, verily", an antiquated phrase meaning "yes, truly", often assumed to have been said by Jesus in the {{w|King James Version}} of the Bible. Although the word "verily" is often used by Jesus in the King James Version, the phrase "yea, verily" never actually appears anywhere in the King James Bible. It does, however, appear in the {{w|Book of Mormon}}.
</blockquote>

;You don't rape a hamster!
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' A phrase condeming the raping of women kept as sex slaves, but apologizing for acussing someone of doing so.

<blockquote> ''It was just like you know...he had to—he had those four Rosechus in his basement. Kept 'em in cages. Treated them like hamsters. Ham—giant hamster wheel. Water bottle. Food pellets. No rape. Just hamsters. '''You don't rape a hamster!'''''<ref>[[I am Alive]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used in the video [[I am Alive]], where Chris dispels "rumors" that were being propogated by trolls who were vandalizing the CWCipedia. In the video, he apologizes to [[Alec Benson Leary]] for misunderstandings about [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6|acussing him of keeping women in his basement]], comparing them to hamsters.</blockquote>

;young at heart

<blockquote>1. ''(noun, attributive)'' An individual with childlike characteristics; a childish person.

<blockquote>''Hello Nintendo! Welcome to my Animal Crossing for Nintendo GameCube. I am your host. My name is Christian Weston Chandler. I live in Ruckersville, Virginia and I is [sic] 21 years old and I play because I am '''young at heart'''. So anyway we are going to take a tour of my ci-ty...in Animal Crossing.''<ref>[[Animal Crossing Documentary]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''I am '''Young at Heart'''; a concept I have kept within myself since childhood.''<ref>[[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/twitter-8-27-chris-wants-everyone-to-be-a-manchild-like-him.33726/]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote>''We, the '''Young at heart''' stand alongside our Liked and Cared others.''<ref>[[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/twitter-8-27-chris-wants-everyone-to-be-a-manchild-like-him.33726/]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Chris more often than not advertises his childish nature as being "young at heart". As if this was a more positive quality of himself, he even goes as far as using this as a reason for girls to fall in love with him in his [[attraction signs]]. This is because Chris can't tell the difference between being a child at heart and being childish. In his mind, people who are considered "childish" actually lead a happier and more exciting life, since he believes that childlike people are more willing to show off their [[kindness]] and are generally more eccentric. In reality, adults who are "young at heart" generally have a somewhat innocent outlook of life and are generally interested in things considered suitable for children, yet understand their responsibilities as adults, something which Chris has failed to do since graduating [[High School]].
</blockquote>
|}
{| class="collapsible" style="width:100%; text-align: left;"
! style="background-color:#ffffff;" |

== Z ==
|-
|

;zap to the extreme
[[Image:ZapToTheExtreme.png|thumb|200px]]
<blockquote>1. ''(phrase)'' Go out and be brave.

<blockquote>''Go! Sonichu! Go out and '''zap to the extreme'''!''<ref>[[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]</ref></blockquote>

<blockquote> ''Now everyone stay green and go out and '''zap to the extr-r-r-r-r-eme'''. Have a lovely day.''<ref>[[A New, Fun Trick]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: This phrase is first used on the cover of [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], where Chris's self-insert tells Sonichu to "zap to the extreme" as if Chris and Sonichu were in a bona fide [[Pokémon]] tournament. Chris would then end up using this phrase time and again, usually completely out of context of its original meaning.
</blockquote>

;zapbud
<blockquote>1. ''(noun)'' A fictitious flower found in the ''Sonichu'' canon; Rosechu's favorite flower.

<blockquote>''Oh, Rosechu, you are as beautiful as a rose, though a '''Zapbud''' is the flower that heals your woes.''<ref name=OdeToRosechu/></blockquote>

Origin: Essentially the result of Chris attempting to create a mythology around his ''Sonichu'' comics, he created some of his own flora as well. Because "zapping" was a very common theme in the earlier issues of ''Sonichu'', Chris thought about naming his flora after this one theme. The term has ironically become popular with trolls and enablers, where they name made-up characters and places after it.</blockquote>

<blockquote>2. ''(noun)'' a [[CWC-isms#S|sweetheart]].

<blockquote>''Yes, my blossoming '''zapbud'''. That's why we are here.''<ref>[[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: In this context, the term is used the same way a female lover may be compared to a flower. This was clearly an attempt to make the flora have a greater significance by making it sound like something beautiful.
</blockquote>

;zombie-like

<blockquote>1. ''(adjective)'' To be riddled with dementia.

<blockquote>''Also, Barb is literally a Zombie-Like Living Body with little remaining of Barbara (her Soul) within her anymore; that living body is Running on Fumes at this point. She CAN NOT Drive anymore, regardless of Van loss; she has the fridgid mental activity and physical ability like a scared deer in headlights nearly ALL the time since even before June, 2021.<ref>[[Jail Letter - 29 July 2022]]</ref></blockquote>

Origin: Used in a [[Jail Letter - 29 July 2022|Jail Letter]] where Chris seems to imply that during his affair with his mother, she might have been declining mentally.
</blockquote>

|}

==References==

<references/>

==Navigation==

{{CWC-isms}}
{{Lists}}
[[Category:CWC-isms]]

User:Hallowed Ween

2026-01-25T07:43:12Z

Hallowed Ween: Replaced content with "balls"

balls

WTJU Marathon

2022-08-03T10:27:18Z

Hallowed Ween: fixed mondegreen

{{DeadLinks}}
{{VideoWithContentID}}
[[File:WTJU Jazz MARATHON omot.jpg|thumb|right|[[Chris]]'s cover to the album, [[Autism|predictably]] featuring [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]].]]

The '''WTJU Jazz Marathon''' was a marathon that [[Bob Chandler]] helped to host in [[1990]]. Over the course of this marathon, Bob shows an impressive amount of knowledge about jazz [[music]] in the 1920s and 1930s. Also notable is Bob's use of the word "negro" to describe African-American musicians and their music, Bob's droning on about jazz history for minutes at at a time, and the general lack of interest that the audience and the other DJs have in Bob's program, as shown by the lack of donation calls that are made over the course of the show.

Chris first mentioned the marathon in an [[Megan emails, Jan-July 2007#Chris apologizes for being a douche|email]] to [[Megan Schroeder]] in January 2007. The next mention of the marathon was in [[DayOut#At Least My Face Is Not F3c7ing Orange|At Least My Face Is Not F3c7ing Orange]] in October 2010, albeit with Chris misremembering the date as 1989. In [[December 2012]], he put up the marathon on RapidShare (after which it was luckily archived to [[YouTube]], as RapidShare was shut down a few years later, however the video for disc four was blocked on copyright grounds), and it remained the most notable thing Chris has done about his dad ever since Bob's death until [[2017]], when he [[CLog 09042017 - Mister C|read out]] several [[Bob's Letters to Chris|letters]] Bob had written for him prior to his death

==Transcript==
''[Chris distributed the marathon as a 6-CD set. Only discs 2 to 4 are transcribed here, since Bob was the DJ during that segment of the marathon.]''
=== Disc 2 ===
{{Infobox/video
| name = 1990 WTJU Jazz Marathon Disc 2 Out Of 6
| ytid = jn19ZFhN97E
| stardate = [[1990]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
}}

'''Timiny''': K, you're listening to the WTJU jazz marathon for 1990, my name is Timiny (sp.?), I'm here in the studio with Bob Chandler, who's prepared an excellent show for us today, of music including jugs, kazoos and washboards. Some really dynamite stuff from between-made between 1928 and 1934. So I'm gonna go ahead and turn the mic over to Bob and I wanna urge everybody in the audience to make a pledge for support of community radio here in [[Charlottesville, Virginia]]. The numbers down here to make a pledge are 924-3418 and 924-3959. And Bob, if you'd be so kind, tell us about this music you're about to play for us.

'''Bob''': OK, this is jazzy jugs, kazoos and washboards. It's a style of American jazz that's been far too long overlooked. The musical is a jug, a bottle or even a pipe will serve as well. The hat spitting, and vocalizing into the player can produce a brooding, resonant sound. Not dissimilar to that of a tuba or a string bass. Larger glass vessels and earthenware demijohns does produce a full boom. The player may alter the sound by blowing into the jug at different angles. Singers who like to vocalize through a kazoo, a submarine-like look-like toy that imparts a buzzing sound to the vocal sound similar to that of a comb and paper. One who would want to give it more volume might add an oral funnel, which gives it direction, and carries it further. Another related domestic item, the corrugated washboard, a rubbing board, gave rise to the noted rubbing sounds of the washer window. Its surface gives a staccato beat on a board or similar implement is drawn across the washboards, and its potential as a rhythm instrument was not missed. The players often wore metal thimbles on his fingers to obtain a crisp, rattling sound, more satisfying to the Blues era than the drums were. Cowbells, wood blocks, pans, wire brushes, wooden rods, and other embellishments were added to create excitement and tone color for the rhythmic beat of the music. So here they are, fifteen obscure performances, from 1928 to 1934. Performance number one, is "Farewell Blues", August the 17th, 1934, New York Personnel, The Georgia Washboard Stompers. Chick Webb is the celebrated trumpeter, Taft Jordan is the star of the session, surrounded by saxophonists Dave Page, Ben Smith and Carl Wade. Clarence Prophet is at the piano, Steve Washington is doubling banjo and guitar, Ghost Howell is on the bass, and Jake Fenderson is on the washboard, makes this performance really swing! You listen for good breaks by all the personnel in the band, and good, good rhythm by Fenderson on the washboard.

[''"[[Wikipedia:Farewell Blues|Farewell Blues]]" plays'']

'''Bob''': Okay, now we goin' on performance number two, which is Tight Like That. This is November the 9th, 1928 with Chicago Personnel, Tampa Red's Hokum Jug Band. It's a great group of Chicago musicians featuring kazoo, guitar and jug by Hudson Whittaker. Tampa Red's guitar, Thomas A. Dorsey's on the piano and the washboard, Frankie "Half Pint" Jax on vocals interact to make this a great session. Listen for some very good kazoo and jugs, and notice how Half Pint Jaxon laughs like scat singing. Very unusual.

[''"It's Tight Like That" plays'']

'''Bob''': Okay, now we goin' performance number three. Barrelhouse Stomp, which was done March 13th, 1931. Again with Chicago people, the State Street Ramblers. Alfred Bell is singing and strumming washboard, as well as playing the kazoo, Roy Palmer is on trombone, Darryl Howard of New Orleans is on clarinet, Jimmy Blythe, the great Jimmy Blythe is on piano, and Ed Hudson on banjo. The talking is by Alfred Bell. You listen for Howard's clarinet feature, kazoo takes the place of the trumpet throughout so if you think you hear a trumpet, you're not hearing a trumpet, you're hearing a kazoo. [''light laugh''] Very good washboard and kazoo. Notice how the trombone takes the place of the jug and string bass when the kazoo takes the lead.

[''"Barrelhouse Stomp" plays'']

'''Bob''': OK, the next one is "Forty and Tight". This was recorded on July 24th, 1929 by Chicago personnel, The Beale Street Washboard Band. The legendary Johnny Dodds is on clarinet, Herb Moran is on cornet, Frank Melrose is on piano, and Warren "Baby" Dodds is on washboard. Now, this is unusual because you normally hear him on drums. The teaming of the Dodds brothers when they were at their best. You listen for Baby Dodds, who's not often on the washboard, and very good interplay between the personnel, and each individual instrument of the group can be heard at any time, even if they're all playing at once. I feel this is very unselfish, and if they weren't so good, they wouldn't even try to overplay the other.

[''"Forty and Tight" plays'']

'''Timiny''': The Dodds brothers...hot stuff, huh? I'd like to remind you, you're listening to the 1990 Jazz Marathon. We're on the air to entertain you and also to elicit your support for community radio here in Charlottesville, Virginia. All of this music is, of course, a type that you never hear anywhere else, er, probably you've never heard anything like this in your lives, but you have to admit this is really hot jazz. We have a lot more ahead of us, um, Bob's got a whole bunch of tunes lined up. We'd like to hear the phones ring down here, it's sorta like the calm before the storm. The game isn't over yet, and there aren't too many people..active and alive, but we know you're out there, so before everything gets hot, give us a call down here, 924-3418, 924-3959, and support WTJU, so I'll turn the mic over to Bob.

'''Bob''': This is performance number five coming up. "Sweet Lizzie" was done on October 27, 1930 by Chicago personnel again, and it was called James Cole's Washboard Band. A sizzling fiddle, of all things, by James Cole, and he's backed up by Eddie Dennis, mandolin, washboard and kazoo, Tony Bradley on guitar, you listen for the sizzling fiddle by James Cole, and good rhythm by Bradley on guitar, and the kazoos and the washboards, [''laughs''], they just can't be, undercut cuz they're great.

[''"Sweet Lizzie" plays'']

'''Bob''': And can you imagine, that that was all done with a violin, a mandolin, a kazoo and a washboard? It-it's just amazing. The next performance is known as "Crazy Blues". It was done on October the 3rd, 1934, in New York, by the Alabama Jug Band. Now, [''laughs''], this-this name and the people don't seem to go together but, uh, at any rate, it-it spots the eccentric cigar chewin' Willie "The Lion" Smith on piano, and includes Ed Allen's cornet, Cecil Scott's clarinet, Ikey Robinson on banjo, Cyrus St. Clair on bass, Clarence Todd on kazoo, Floyd Casey on washboard, and Clarence Williams blowing zany, highly emotional notes into his jug. It also adds a Ham and Cabbage Trio composed of Williams, Robinson and Todd. Listen for some great jug by Williams, and very interesting washboard by Floyd Casey, which sounds almost like brushes on a snare drum.

[''"[[Wikipedia:Crazy Blues|Crazy Blues]]" plays'']

'''Bob''': That, that jug by Williams just carries me away, I'm telling you. (Laughs) The next performance is "Tiger Rag". It was done on October the 17th, 1934, again by New York personnel. They were called the Georgia Washboard Stompers. This is Chick Webb's celebrated trumpeter Taft Jordan, is the star of this session. He's surrounded by saxophonists Dave Page, Ben Smith and Carl Wade. Clarence Prophet is at the piano, Steve Washington is doubling banjo and guitar, Ghost Howell is on bass, and Jake Fenderson is on washboard, making this performance really swing. Listen for tremendous washboards, pots and pans by Jake Fenderson, great string bass by Ghost Howell and notice the exciting syncopation and hesitation of Taft Jordan on trumpet.

[''"[[Wikipedia:Tiger Rag|Tiger Rag]]" plays'']

'''Timiny''': Before we get on with the music, I'd like to tell you that you're listening to the jazz marathon, and we're doing this programming for the purpose of eliciting support from the public for continued jazz programming in Charlottesville, and we'd like to hear the phones ring down here, it's been very, very quiet, I know there's a lot going on, but I also know there's a lot of people who haven't yet made a pledge to help us out with our operations for the next year, and, if you will listen to WTJU regularly, and a lot of people do, it's time now to get out your checkbook and be a little generous with the music that we like and enjoy so much. Okay, I'm going to turn the mic over to Bob for more kazoos and washboards and jugs.

'''Bob''': K, this next performance is "Shake Your Shimmy". It was done on October the 9th, 1928 by Chicago personnel, a group called The Midnight Rounders. And this group was known by several other names too, but it was basically headed up by Jimmy Blythe on piano, William Lyle on bass, Jimmy Bertrand on washboard and woodblocks and Frankie Jackson on vocal. Listen for great washboard and woodblocks by Jimmy Bertrand, and good performances from Blythe and Lyle. Just listen to each player and you just see, boy, they're really having a lot of fun.

[''"Shake Your Shimmy" plays'']

'''Bob''': OK, now we'll go back to New York personnel on this cut, and they're playing a song called "Jazz It Blues", which was done October the 3rd 1934 again by the Alabama Jug Band, and we have the eccentric cigar chewing Willie "The Lion" Smith on piano, Ed Allen's cornet, Cecil Scott's clarinet, Ikey Robinson on banjo, Cyrus St. Clair on bass, Clarence Todd is on kazoo this time, Floyd Casey's on washboard, and Clarence Todd doubles by blowing zany, high emotional notes into his jug. We again have the Ham and Cabbage Vocal Trio of Williams and Robinson and Todd. On this one you should listen for an outstanding recording, listen to the notes of the various pitches that come from the jugs that William is blowing into it. I understand you can change the pitch by the angle at which you blow into the jug, and the, uh, intensity at which you blow it. Uh, everybody takes a solo in this one, and there's great interaction between the players. The trio does scat singing and I myself in 60 years have never heard a growl clarinet before, but Cecil Scott does it on this one, and it's just amazing.

[''"Jazz It Blues" plays'']

'''Bob''': Well, that was just a, just a foot tappin', knee slappin' performance there, I tell you. (Laughs). That's just about as good a jazz you can find anywhere. The next performance is done by Chicago people, it's called "Pleasure Mad". It was done on April 23rd, 1928, by the Blythe Blue Boys. Now this again is Jimmy Blythe on piano, Natty Dominique on cornet, and we have unknown alto sax, W.E. Burton's on the washboards and vocal comments, and on this one you can listen for a great Jimmy Blythe piano break, and all the fun that these boys have.

[''"Pleasure Mad" plays'']

'''Bob''': They-They sure are having fun. (Laughs) That's just infectuous (sic). The next performance is "Wildman Stomp", which was done March the 30th, 1931 by Chicago personnel, and it's the State Street Ramblers again. It again has Jimmy Blythe on piano, Ed Hudson on banjo, Alfred Bell on kazoo and washboard. And you listen for a great kazoo solo by Alfred Bell, and a vocal comment by Bell, and what jazz can be made with just a piano, a kazoo, a banjo and a washboard. Wow, what fun they all having.

[''"Wildman Stomp" plays'']

'''Bob''': This next one is again by New York personnel, the Alabama Jug Band, that we've heard before. Uh, the name of the song is "My Gal Sal", and it was recorded on September the 5th, 1934. Again, we have the cigar chewin' Willie "The Lion" Smith on piano, including Ed Allen's cornet, Cecil Scott on clarinet, Ikey Robinson on banjo, Richard Fulbright on bass, Floyd Casey on the washboard, Clarence Todd's on the kazoo, and Clarence Williams is blowing his zany, highly emotional notes in the jug again. And listen to the vocal by Hambone Jackson. This is a good cornet and a good group. Williams on the jug, and Todd's on the kazoo, and Casey on the washboard, they're just hard to beat.

[''"My Gal Sal" plays'']

'''Bob''': The next song'll be the "Gulf Coast Blues", which is done, which was recorded on September the 5th, 1934 by the same group, the Alabama Jug Band that you just heard, except one of the differences is the writer of this song is also the one who is gonna be blowing the jug, which is Clarence Williams.

[''"Gulf Coast Blues" plays'']

'''Timiny''': OK, I'd like to remind you you're listening to WTJU 91.3 FM in Charlottesville, Virginia, it's almost 6:00. We're doing, (inhales), jugs, kazoos (sighs) and other unusual instruments in jazz, and we have about, oh, about 20 more minutes left of this programming and then we're gonna move on to some boogie-woogie jazz, so I'll let Bob Chandler here continue with this great music, the numbers here again, if you, (pause), choose to make a pledge of support to WTJU are 924-3959 and 924-3418. At this point, we're about $1,800 shy of our goal and we have about one more day of the jazz marathon left so it's time to keep, uh, to stop putting it off and get out your checkbook and, (pause), support your community radio. Okay, Bob. Lay a little more of this on us.

'''Bob''': OK, the next, the next song we'll hear is by the Alabama Jug Band again, this is the same New York personnel, it was recorded at the same time, it's "I Wish I Could Shimmy Like My Sister Kate".

[''"[[Wikipedia:I Wish I Could Shimmy Like My Sister Kate|I Wish I Could Shimmy Like My Sister Kate]]" plays'']

'''Bob''': Okay, we'll come now to the last performance of our jugs, kazoos and washboards, which is done by New York personnel, October the 3rd, 1934, again it's the Alabama Jug Band, uh, which was the cigar chewin' Willie "The Lion" Smith, Ed Allen's cornet, Cecil Scott's clarinet, Ikey Robinson on banjo, Cyrus St. Clair on tuba, Floyd Casey on washboard, Clarence Todd on kazoo, and Clarence Williams blowing his zany notes into the jug. The vocals by Hambone Jackson, you listen for a great cornet break towards the end of this piece, followed by Willie "The Lion" Smith on piano doing his thing. The name of this song is "Somebody Stole My Gal".

[''"[[Wikipedia:Somebody Stole My Gal|Somebody Stole My Gal]]" plays'']

=== Disc 3 ===
{{Infobox/video
| name = 1990 WTJU Jazz Marathon Disc 3 Out Of 6
| video = {{#ev:youtube|clMw0ntg384}}
| stardate = [[1990]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
}}

'''Bob''': Well, I certainly hope that you enjoyed the jugs and the kazoos and the washboards because it's certainly unusual music, you don't hear it much anymore, I think it'd be a lot of fun, I would enjoy going to a place that had it myself, and participating even. We're going to lead into the boogie-woogie show with some boogie-woogie now. Uh, the act, the show will start at 6:30 but we're just gonna lead in with some of the, more modern boogie woogie, not the roots of the boogie woogie but the more modern boogie woogie that was done in the 1939, 1940, 1938, uh, and this is just beautiful music, and the first one we're gonna hear is by one of the greats of the Boogie Woogie Trio, Albert Ammons, and his "Bass Going Crazy", this was recorded in 1939.

[''"Bass Going Crazy" plays'']

'''Bob''': The next record we're gonna hear, is one by Pete Johnson, which was recorded in 1939, and, uh, it's called "Climbing and Screaming", and, it's on the same record so my friend Timiny here is trying to cue it up, so that, uh, we can let it go. That's why I'm hesitating for a minute, give him a little bit of time. So this is "Climbing and Screaming" by Pete Johnson from Kansas City, part of the Boogie Woogie Trio.

[''"Climbing & Screaming" plays'']

'''Bob''': Okay, that was "Climbing & Screaming" by Pete Johnson. Again, we've gotta move to another track on this, uh, record so I'll talk just a little bit. We're gonna have another one by Pete Johnson, and like I say he was part of the Boogie Woogie Trio and he was from Kansas City. And, uh, Timiny says we're ready so, here we go with "[[Kacey]] On My Mind".

[''"Kacey On My Mind" plays'']

'''Bob''': This next record is, is really part of the piano blues but it's not a boogie-woogie, but it's one which, uh, I think you'll be surprised at, it was very surprising to me, it's played by Meade "Lux" Lewis, who's one of the Boogie Woogie Trio again, but he's playing this on a Celeste, which is one of the most beautiful songs I think I've ever heard, I, I, uh,was just, overwhelmed when I heard it, I think you will be too. The name of this tune is The Celeste Blues.

[''Bob mistakenly plays the entirety of "The Pearls" by Mary Lou Williams'']

'''Bob''': I-I-I'm sorry, we got the wrong side of that record, what you just heard was Mary Lou Williams, (laughs), who is, uh, one of the great ones for, uh, piano blues also, and she was playing Jelly Roll Morton's famous "The Pearls". Now we're gonna, we're gonna play one, next, by Maude "Lux"--Meade "Lux" Lewis, we'll go back to the Celeste as soon as we flip the record over, after this one, but this is one he did in 1936 called, uh, "Whistling Blues".

[''"Whistling Blues" plays'']

'''Bob''': OK now, this, this Whistling Blues I picked just because it was kinda unusual, you never hear people whistling anymore. I, myself, find myself whistling, but then, um, I'm a lot older also. (Laughs) Uh, we'll go back to our Celeste Blues, we have it cued up now. And I think that you'll find that this is one of the most beautiful pieces of music you've ever heard. I'm sorry we missed it on our first go-around.

[''"Celeste Blues" plays'']

'''Timiny''': You're listening to WTJU 91.3 in Charlottesville. This is the jazz marathon, the 1990 jazz marathon. We haven't had too many phone calls down here. We would like to thank Robert Overstreet for his, uh, generous pledge, and we're still looking for his request. And we're gonna continue now with more boogie-woogie for about another hour and a half before Sineer (sp.?) comes on with her Sarah Vaughan show that you definitely want to stay tuned for, and Bob Chandler is gonna take us in more boogie-woogie.

'''Bob''': To start the boogie-woogie, I would like first to tell you a little bit about the piano blues, cuz what you're going to hear is a performance of a collection of piano blues, which also is known as the Barrelhouse, Fast Western, the Piano Boogie-Woogie, the Train Blues, the Juke Joint Jams, the Rent Party Blues, the Brothel Piano and piano music in small cafes and bars around the countryside. The following performances that you'll hear for the next hour-and-a-half were recorded between 1924 and 1938, and these will be divided into two categories. Pre-1920 types of piano blues performances, and Post-1920 through 1950 piano blues and jazz. Although there were a multitude of regional and individual variations, Pre-1920 American negro piano music can in general be divided into two main categories. Ragtime, which was a relatively sophisticated music which included the charming, intricate and quite seriously intended work of a small school of Negro composers. Ragtime reached its highest development, and evolved toward actual jazz piano in the cities of the Eastern Seaboard, particularly in New York, eventually becoming the magnificent stride piano of men like James P. Johnson, Fats Waller, Lucky Roberts, Willie "The Lion" Smith and the piano musicians that followed on the streets of Jazz, 52nd Street in New York. Ragtime is a school of piano music into itself, and will be left to others to explore. For me, there's nothing to beat the blues piano, a kind which was, by contrast, a black folk form of music, pure and simple. Its players were self-taught, largely unconcerned with written music, but their music has proved far deeper and more durable. Authentic blues piano was a western and southern type that flourished from Texas to Alabama, through the Mississippi Valley, and had its northern center in Chicago's South Side. It was a folk music played by countless unknown and wandering musicians, riding the freight trains and riverboats from place to place. Most were never recorded, and are only now remembered as vague names by musicians, who became more well known. This was a music invariably played on the dilapidated pianos of lumber camps, back-road dives, speakeasies, brothels, dance halls, cafes, and more importantly, the rent parties of apartments and houses where the tenants would give all-night parties to raise the money to pay the rent. In such surroundings, a piano player was expected to last for hours, which may have something to do with the repetitious form of the music. In any event, functioning mainly as party music and dance music. It had to be strongly rhythmic. At best, it had to simulate the sounds of a full band, and some of the slides and micro-tones of the blues melodies. At its best, this music can be extremely extraordinary, but also deceptively beautiful in its simpler forms. The form of this music was usually that of the 12-bar blues, although 8-bar and even 16-bar variants existed, as well as non-blues tunes that were blues-like in feeling. Some players were quite casual about forming meter, adding or subtracting beats in a haphazard way. Aside from the form itself, the most obvious characteristics of the blues piano is in the blues that you used. There were usually repeated one-bar figures, which sound simple enough, but actually there were innumerable variations, and players prided themselves on the number of basses they knew. There were rolling basses, which kept the hand in the same position for each chord, and walking basses, which moved up and down the keyboard in a set pattern. Some basses used single-note lines, others used thirds, fifths, sixths, and still other broken octaves. Often there were eight to the bar or double-time, a characteristic that has reappeared in rock and soul music. Quite often, the basses started in a rolling, eight-note triplet rhythm. But whatever the specific figure might be, the left hand was the rhythmic bass. The right hand had a completely independent role to play, supplying a contrasting melody line (usually a series of progressive phrases, rather than a sustained or complex melody).

And so, on to the music itself. A small sampling of what could go on for weeks and weeks in the records of my collection alone. There was evidence that the music that we know of as boogie-woogie existed before the turn of the century by players such as William Turk, who was said to have a left hand like God. There was also evidence of players in Birmingham, Alabama, New Orleans, Louis---St. Louis, and the Tenderloin District of New York. The first known published piece of music that shows a form of boogie-woogie, the New Orleans Hop Scop Blues, was written at least as early as 1911 by George Washington Thomas Jr. of Houston, Texas. He later moved to New Orleans in 1914, and this is where he met Clarence Williams and formed a publishing house. George Washington Thomas Jr. also recorded the first known walking bass recording in 1923, it was known as "The Rocks", and to my dismay I do not have a copy of it to let you hear. The first song we will hear, though, is New Orleans Hop Scop Blues as it was published in 1915. It appears to be a song to dance to. It was performed by Betsy Smith with Clarence Williams as her piano player. Notice the piano and the form of the music rather than the words itself. Here is New Orleans Hop Scop Blues.

[''"New Orleans Hop Scop Blues" plays'']

'''Bob''': The next piece we will hear is the Farro Street Jive by Little Brother Montgomery from Louisiana, where he crossed the paths of and learned from Lee Green, Roosevelt Sykes "The Honeydripper", and many other piano players in the logging camps and barrelhouses of Louisiana in the period of 1915 to the '30s. The next three pieces are typical of the blues up to the early '20s. Here is Farro Street Jive by Little Brother Montgomery.

[''"Farro Street Jive" plays'']

'''Bob''': The next piece is by.."Dud-Low Joe" is by Lee Green, and it's the forerunner of the piece that was just played. This name, "Dud-Low Joe", is one of the names used for boogie-woogie before 1928 when Pinetop Smith named this gentry of music "boogie-woogie". Now, this...this "Dud-Low Joe" is, uh, you gotta remember that these people now were back in the...in the before 1920 really playing this in-in the juke joints and turpentine fields of Louisiana, and it's just, just beautiful music.

[''"Dud-Low Joe" plays'']

'''Bob''': The next piano blues that we will hear is The Suitcase Blues by Hersal Thomas. He was the younger brother of George Washington Thomas Jr., and was born in 1910. He was a child prodigy in Houston, and he exceeded his older brothers as a blues pianist. He modeled his style on George's but he elaborated it and developed new, bass figures. When he was 14, he cut his first record, "The Suitcase Blues". He had a very busy, but a very short recording career. In Chicago, Hersal was no less a giant on piano than King Oliver was as a horn player. He was in Detroit working at Penny's Pleasure Inn, where he developed food poisoning and died at the age of 16. Here's his very beautiful "Suitcase Blues" that he recorded when he was 14 years old in 1925.

[''"Suitcase Blues" plays'']

'''Bob''': As I said in the beginning, a lot of these piano players rode the freight trains, both inside the boxcars and underneath the cars, on the rod supports or on the flatcars. They were very accustomed to the sounds the trains made, and the surrounding noise of bells and whistles and echoes of the surrounding trees and buildings that the train passed by. If you've ever ridden a train, you will know what I'm really trying to say. These pianists wrote and played many pieces that became known as the train blues, where they used a piano to make the sounds of the train and the passing bridges and the bells and the buildings. Close your eyes and listen to the train on the next three recordings. First, "The Honky Tonk Train Blues" by the great Meade "Lux" Lewis. This was recorded in 1935.

[''"Honky Tonk Train Blues" plays'']

'''Bob''': Now we'll listen to another train blues. Uh, I guess as you, if you really heard that one, you heard the pounding of the wheels, and the signals and the bells as the train went by crossings, and, uh, it's just amazing how these people, uh, would get this out of a piano and get the actual noise that you were really hearing when you ride a train, if you've ever ridden a train, passenger train or a freight train. Anyway, the next one is, the name of the song is "No. 29" and this is by Wesley Wallace. It was done in 1930, and here he actually has a commentary of the things he's doing on the train (even to the point where he jumps off the train and rolls on the ground). So, so listen away.

[''"No. 29" plays'']

'''Phyllis''': Okay, um, this is great stuff, I hope you're enjoying it. This is Phyllis White, here with Bob Chandler, bringing you boogie-woogie blues piano, we're gonna move up to Chicago now, but I just wanna let you know that you are listening to WTJU 91.3 FM in Charlottesville, uh, you're listening to the WTJU Jazz Marathon. Um, if you'd like to come down and see all our premiums or give us a call, we'd be glad to tell you what we have to offer while the music's playing and the numbers are 924-3418, 924-3959 so, let's, um, move from, sort of, southern domain up to Chicago and here's, uh, Bob to fill you in on that.

'''Bob''': The next, uh, record that we will hear is actually anoth-still another train blues, another example. This is one of the greatest ones by Cripple Clarence Lofton and he was one of the main figures in the Chicago, South Side of Chicago blues piano players. And the name of this one is "Streamline Train" by Cripple Clarence Lofton.

[''"Streamline Train" plays'']

'''Bob''': OK, now we'll, we'll all take the train, and we'll go up to Chicago, because, like all of the jazz players, most of the blues piano players began to drift to Chicago starting about 1915. By the early to mid '20s, there were many groups of piano blues players living in the South Side of Chicago. Groups of these piano players lived in an apartment building called Mecca Flats. 2,000 people were reported to be living there, and other famous piano players lived together at 4435 Prairie Avenue, as well as many other locations on the South Side. Some of these at Prairie Avenue were Pinetop Smith, Meade "Lux" Lewis, and, uh, some of the other greats. In the '20s and '30s, any night would find many of these blues piano players in the bars and rent parties on the South Side. Jimmy Blythe was a house pianist at Paramount Records, and he had quite a following of younger blues pianists. There was Meade "Lux" Lewis and Albert Ammons, and somewhat older player Jimmy Yancey of vaudeville fame, Clarence "Pinetop" Smith from Alabama, Hersal Thomas from Texas, Cripple Clarence Lofton, J.H. "Mr. Freddie" Shayne, as well as many visiting players as they wandered through. Blythe, Thomas and Shayne were the professional players. Yancey and Lofton were gifted semi-pros. Lewis and Ammons were the strong young professionals to beat, and Smith would have been too, if he had not been killed at the age of 25. With this background, we will move into the '20s, the rent parties of South Side Chicago and the blues pianists there and other cities. We will first hear Jimmy Blythe playing his "Chicago Stomp", as recorded in 1924. It must, er, be remembered here that a player may record a piece he has been playing for many years, but recorded at a much later date. So here's Jimmy Blythe, in 1924, playing "Chicago Stomp".

[''"Chicago Stomp" plays'']

'''Bob''': This next record, where we actually have to flip the record and re-cue it to another track on the same record, but, we will next hear "The Mellow Blues" by Jimmy Yancey, and Jimmy Yancey was in vaudeville, he and his wife, and, for many years, and he actually didn't do any recording until 1939, but he was playing the same music back in the '20s that he recorded in 1939, so here is a good example of Jimmy Yancey playing "The Mellow Blues".

[''"The Mellow Blues" plays'']

=== Disc 4 ===
{{Infobox/video
| name = 1990 WTJU Jazz Marathon Disc 4 Out Of 6
| video = {{#ev:youtube|hRGeCpPBE38}}
| stardate = [[1990]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
}}

'''Bob''': The next record we will hear is Chain 'Em Down, by Blind Leroy Garnett. Now he was from Fort Worth, and he recorded this in 1929. Uh, this is again another example of some of the regional differences from Chicago but, uh, this is a, this is a great example of this music in, in the middle '20s.

[''"Honky Tonk Train Blues" briefly plays again'']

'''Bob''': I'm sorry, we picked the wrong track. We will-we will very shortly here put it on the right one, cuz that was "Honky Tonk Train" which we've already heard once, and it's a good piece, but, uh, I wanted at this time to hear "Chain 'Em Down", so we'll give it another try if you'll, just bear with us, we'll make it.

[''"Chain 'Em Down" plays'']

'''Bob''': Another name that the boogie-woogie gentry had before Pinetop Smith named it was The Dozens, and this was one that a lot of people in Louisiana and-and, uh, Pittsburgh and Kansas City and everywhere else played, and here's a rendition by Will Ezell which is probably one of the more famous ones of The Dozens. And Will Ezell was from Shreveport, Louisiana. This was recorded in 1929.

[''"The Dozens" plays'']

'''Bob''': While we're talking now, Phyllis is gonna flip the record and select the next band, but this will be Charlie Spand from Texas, who settled in Detroit, and he had another complete form of boogie-woogie. But, uh, here is Charlie Spand playing his Hastings Street, which was recorded in 1929.

[''"Hastings Street" plays'']

'''Bob''': Okay, while Phyllis is cuing the next record, which is actually the same record (but a different track), we will move to a piano player named Henry Brown, who was from Troy, Tennessee, and he moved to St. Louis in 1918, so here we'll hear what he had to say, his own thing as we listen to his "Deep Morgan", which was recorded actually in 1930, but this was the kind of music he'd been playing in St. Louis for 10 years before that.

[''"Deep Morgan" plays'']

'''Bob''': The next song we will hear is Charles Avery from Chicago, where he's playing his own "Dearborn Street Breakdown". This was recorded in 1929 but, here again, he was playing this long before 1929.

[''"Dearborn Street Breakdown" plays'']

'''Bob''': Next we will hear one of the most accomplished blues piano pianist, Meade "Lux" Lewis, playing what was almost the theme song of J.H. "Mr. Freddie" Shayne - Shayne's own "Mr. Freddie Blues". This tells us a lot about "Mr. Freddie" Shayne. I don't have any records by "Mr. Freddie" Shayne, and I wish I did. He came along earlier with some of the-some of the earlier pianists, and I guess he just didn't record that much. At least I don't have the records. But anyway, this is Maude "Lux" Lewis playing "Mr. Freddie's Blues". This was recorded in 1936.

[''"Mr. Freddie Blues" plays'']

'''Bob''': Now, Albert Ammons, Clarence "Pinetop" Smith, and Meade "Lux" Lewis lived for a time at the same location in South Side, Chicago. Ammons was the only one who had a piano. Can you imagine recording what we would now call jam sessions that they must have had there? Just before Pinetop, now, later we will hear Pinetop's record, uh, his first boogie-woogie, but just before he was killed, he asked Albert Ammons to learn his boogie-woogie. And here it is, what Albert Ammons learned from Pinetop, "The Boogie Woogie Stomp" by Albert Ammons.

[''"Boogie Woogie Stomp" plays'']

'''Bob''': There's one more of the older Chicago boogie-woogie piano players that we'll hear next. Th-this one is Jimmy Yancey, and this was actually recorded in 1939 because he didn't make any recordings until 1939, even though he was in Vaudeville at the turn of the century. But this was the kind of music that he was playing in the '20s, the mid '20s, and even into the '30s. And, th-this one tells you a lot about how-the kind of music that he could play. This is called "Tell Him About Me", by Jimmy Yancey.

[''"Tell Him About Me" plays'']

'''Bob''': Now we're getting up to the point in time of about 1928, and we come to the man who vaulted himself into immortality by naming the musical idiom of boogie-woogie, after recording only 8 sides before he was killed...(Chuckles) Actually, it wasn't his fault, he was actually hit by a stray bullet. But he was killed at the age of 25. Pinetop Smith was from Alabama, and he was working in a chili parlor and beer garden in Pittsburgh in 1925 or '26, and Cow Cow Davenport, who was also from Alabama, and was working for one of the record companies visited him as he was on one of his Vaudeville tours, and, as Pinetop was working on and playing his blues and overhand piano style, Cow Cow is reported to have said to Pinetop, "Boy, look here, you sure have a mean boogie-woogie.", and he also tried to explain how Pinetop could add boogie-woogie to the words he was making to go with the music. It is thought that Pi-, uh, Cow Cow might even have talked Pinetop into moving to Chicago so Pinetop could make records. Well, here we have the first two sides of the eight sides that Pinetop recorded. First, "The Jump Steady Blues", and then Pinetop's boogie-woogie, which is, both recorded in 1928, with Pinetop doing his singing, or talking if you like. But, here again, this shows that boogie-woogie is for dancing as Pinetop gives instructions as he plays. Here's his "Jump Steady Blues".

[''"Jump Steady Blues" plays'']

'''Bob''': While they're resetting up for the next record, which is one track before this one, I will tell you that what we're gonna hear next is the first record that really put the name to this whole gentry, and i-it's called "Pinetop's Boogie Woogie", and this was the first time it was put on record, it was put on record in 1928, and this is how the whole thing got its name.

[''"[[Wikipedia:Pinetop's Boogie Woogie|Pinetop's Boogie Woogie]]" plays'']

'''Bob''': And now we come to the record, in 1938, that introduced the whole world to boogie-woogie and the jitterbug dance craze. Next this is Tommy Dorsey's version of Pinetop's music, and you will-if you ever picked up the record, maybe you haven't, but it says right on the record that this is Pinetop Smith's Boogie Woogie, and the name of the record was "Boogie Woogie" by Tommy Dorsey, and it was made in 1938.

[''"Boogie Woogie" plays'']

'''Bob''': There, that was the Boogie Woogie that people like me grew up with in our teens. It was the introduction of the world to the piano blues. The closeness of John Hammond to Tommy Dorsey, John's love of the piano blues and Tommy Dorsey's recording of Boogie Woogie started John Hammond on a search for the piano blues players that he thought might still live in Chicago. John came up with the idea of a Spirituals to Swing concert to be held at Carnegie Hall in December of 1938. So John started on the, on the search for the jazz and blues greats throughout the country. He found most of the jazz and blues greats, and they agreed to the concert. Of the blues piano players, he found Albert Ammons and Meade "Lux" Lewis in Chicago, and Pete Johnson in Kansas City. These three pianists came into being with this concert as The Boogie Woogie Trio. They became very successful as a trio through recording dates, as well as club dates in New York and Chicago for the next group of years, for about ten years. Boogie-Woogie had been born to the world in 1938. It was no longer the property of the black race only, and now must be shared with the rest of the world. How much the world missed for 20 years before John Hammond started his love for the music with the world! Here is the last record for the night, actually the next-to-last record, but this is the last record by the, by The Boogie Woogie Trio, "The Boogie Woogie Prayer" by The Boogie Woogie Trio of Ammons, Lewis and Johnson, recorded in 1938.

[''"Boogie Woogie Prayer" plays'']

'''Bob''': Okay, since we have a little bit of time left, we're gonna play an extra one here, which-because we really didn't give you a good, uh, record, erm, interpretation from Pete Johnson. Now, Pete Johnson, like I say, was from Kansas City. He was a different group completely from the Chicago crowd, but he plays one mean piano, and he-he was part of this Boogie Woogie Trio from-from Carnegie Hall concert, and we're gonna play one called "Roll 'Em Pete" by Pete Johnson at this time.

[''"[[Wikipedia:Roll 'Em Pete|Roll 'Em Pete]]" plays'']

'''Bob''': Heh, heh. Well, we have enjoyed sharing our love for this music, and some of my records with you tonight. And if you would like to have a weekly program of this music, just contact Bruce Torrence, the jazz programming director, or Phyllis White, the special programming director, at WTJU. And, incidentally, some of you out there (unless you're at least my age) might not realize that in the beginning, when they were assigning letters to the stations like WTJU, do you know what the WTJU stands for?

'''Phyllis''': Thomas Jefferson's University.

'''Bob''': That's right, it stands for Thomas Jefferson's University, and I'll tell you a story that came out of Chicago since we spent a lot of time in Chicago tonight. Uh, the story is that in 1925, there was a company who wanted to, um, uh, get their name, really, across the air, and they had-they bought this big radio station in 1925. Radio stations were scarce, but this one-this one was called WLS, and the reason they picked those call letters was because that was Sears & Roebuck, and they stood for The World's Largest Store. So now you know what-what significance these call letters can have for stations because what could be better for a station than WTJU? Thomas Jefferson's University, who, incidentally, another piece of information is that Thomas Jefferson was known as the first real, honest, collector of popular music in the United States of America.

'''Phyllis''': (quietly) Hm, interesting. Great. (unintelligible)

'''Bob''': So now, if you would like to have a weekly program of this blues piano, just contact Bruce Torrence, the jazz programming director, or Phyllis White, the special programming director, at WTJU, and we will see what can be worked out.

'''Phyllis''': (quietly laughs)

'''Bob''': This is Bob Chandler and Phyllis White, signing off, and sending you off to the next program.

'''Phyllis''': Mmm-hmm.

==[[eBay]]==
On 14 [[July 2014]], Chris listed CDs of the marathon on eBay, never mind it was put up for free download already (and on a website that wouldn't be defunct until 8 months after it was posted). The list price was $50, $10 of which Chris claimed would be donated to WTJU. Obviously, the CD cover has [[Chris and his Ego|Sonichu]] and the words [[Chris and copyright|"(C) 2000 CWC" on it]]. eBay removed the listing, presumably over copyright infringement, and Chris angrily reposted the listing, claiming that he had permission from WTJU to sell it, which is somewhat irrelevant, and which WTJU later retracted.<ref>[http://cwckiforums.com/threads/wtju-charlottesville-radio-station-responds.4313/]</ref> Apparently, WTJU gave the permission, rather than telling him it wasn't theirs to give, because they thought that Bob was a musician who did a set for the station and not a DJ. eBay then removed the listing a second time, but not before two hapless people had bought copies. Chris gave up on relisting the CDs and claimed he was unable to refund the buyers, but promised to ship each of them a color commissioned drawing, autographed photo, and complimentary CD instead.

==References==
<references/>

==Links==
* [https://archive.org/details/Bobs1990WTJUJazzMarathon The full marathon] on the Internet Archive
* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdlHvwJ22mM (Disc 1)
* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jn19ZFhN97E (Disc 2)
* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clMw0ntg384 (Disc 3)
* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRGeCpPBE38 (Disc 4)
* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkaZd6IS93A (Disc 5)
* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TD-olCmSWuk (Disc 6)

[[Category:Music]]

July 2016 Paid Video Requests

2021-12-14T08:56:17Z

Hallowed Ween: more accurate transcript for ily's video

On 18 July 2016, Chris announced that he would be offering video messages for sale, for $50 each, arranged through texting instead of his defunct Etsy shop. On 26 July, he changed his pricing, saying "it starts at $50, but I'm negotiable to as low as $10, and no less." [[Weens]] flooded him with requests, essentially giving him money for nothing and making him even more [[Ego|entitled]].

Two videos had (unintentionally) funny results. In '''Singing "Yellow Submarine"''', Chris drops the camera for a moment, revealing an upskirt shot and showing him wearing a [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|pantiliner]]<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/updated-7-22-chris-paid-content-general.22728/page-25#post-1620669</ref>. After Chris uploaded '''Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies''', YouTube deleted it and issued a strike against his account. Chris [https://kiwifar.ms/attachments/screenshot-www-facebook-com-2016-07-23-12-51-22-png.118280/ reacted to the fallout from both the following day on Facebook].

Following the strike, which barred him from uploading videos to his CwcvilleGuardian YouTube account for two weeks, Chris continued the video request program by uploading to an [https://gaming.youtube.com/channel/UCN4fi8RjeYVVRbeavxeXffw an alternate account], then returning to his main account after the ban expired.

Fans continued buying [[:Category:Business|more video requests]] throughout 2016, although the number of public videos gradually diminished.

==Josh Lover of men==
'''Josh Lover of men''' is a video uploaded by Chris on 20 July 2016, as part of his video request program. In this video, Chris reads out a paragraph written by a [[homo]] named Josh about how much of a [[ween|crazy fucking idiot he is for paying $50 to Chris for this video]]. Chris was hopelessly [[Autism|unable to detect the sarcasm]] praising his exemplary life and achievements. In fact, Josh's admiration was so obviously masturbatory, it's reasonable to assume Chris would have understood it as mockery if not for his inexhaustible sense of [[Chris and his Ego|self-importance]]

{{Infobox/video
| name = Josh Lover of men
| ytid = qTjvP_EXKlo
| stardate = 20 [[July 2016]]
| subject = {{(Handouts)|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = {{(Clopper)|text}}
| previous = [[Update_20160718]]
| next = [[Announcement 07202016]]
}}

'''Description'''
{{quotebox| And now by paid request...
}}

===Transcript===
[''[[PlayStation 4|PS4]] intro'']

Hello [[Speech impediment|'vbody]], this is [[Tomgirl|Christine]] Chandler, and, uh, the following is from... this guy Joshua's own words, this is a paid request. And the title is right here underneath, "Josh, Lover of Men". So, yeah. [''reading from iPhone''] "[[Homos|Homosexual]] known as Josh has [[Financhu Crisis|paid me $50]] [[United States]] currency to make this video. He is truly a [[Ween|crazy fucking idiot]] for doing so." His words, not mine. He wanted me to tell his [[Gal pal|friend]] Nicole that "she is an attractive slut and that he [[Speech Impediment|abbire]] her - he admires her greatly and appreciates her filthy whore face. Happy early birthday, you magnificent piece of human [[14 Branchland Court|garbage]]. You are such trash and we all love you a lot."

On a more serious note, Josh also [[Speech impediment|wanned]] me to remind you that, hmmm, [''reading''] "[[White knight|I, Christine, am now and have always been a worthwhile human being that deserves a great amount of respect]], and... all [''unintelligible''] and... gratitude for... over the years of [[Chris and art|creativity and effort]] I have poured forth, for all the [[Chris and anger|genuine love and care]] I have trust onto you, not just for [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] and all related [[Chris and copyright|original intellectual properties]], but also for the care I have put into my [[True and Loyal Fanbase|fanbase]] and all those loyal to my [[Love Quest|righteous cause]]. Please take a moment out of each day to think about the tremendous good I have done for you, and others, and what you could do to give back. Be the hero that you feel inside. Be the Sonichu dat's in your [[Heart level|heart]]. And go fast. Go... to PayPal, and buy a personalized video just like Josh did. Much love," Josh assed... me to bid you a fond farewell, "and may [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon|lightning hedgehogs]] guide you to a path o' happiness".

Well, Nicole, at least he appreciates you. And, yeah, [[Chris and his Ego|I agree with him on everything about me]], so... thank you, Joshua. [[List of Chris's lies|I don't like very much calling other people... such negative things]], 'cause they're still people, after all, but... let's just leave it at that.

[''PS4 outro'']

==Copypasta: Sexual Helicopter==
As the second of his paid request videos to raise money during the [[Financhu Crisis]], Chris read a famous internet meme "copypasta" about an individual who "sexually identifies as an attack helicopter". The resulting video was '''Copypasta: Sexual Helicopter'''. At the end, Chris exaggeratedly shook his head to let his [[Trolls|fanbase]] know he wasn't associated with the literary masterpiece he just read.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Copypasta: Sexual Helicopter
| video = {{#ev:youtube|fof0BM28TUY}}
| stardate = 20 [[July 2016]]
| subject = {{(Handouts)|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Reason|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = {{(Clopper)|text}}
| previous = [[Announcement 07202016]]
| next = [[Paid Video Requests#Happy Birthday, Nathan.|Happy Birthday, Nathan.]]
}}

'''Description'''
{{quotebox| And now by paid request...

via YouTube capture
}}

===Transcript===
Hello everybody, here's another paid request, their words, not mine, it's a... little piece of literature this person liked. Alright, so... [''reading energetically''] "I [[Tomgirl|sexually identify]] as an at''tack'' helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the [[Speech impediment|offields]], dropping... [[Semen|hot, sticky loads]] on [[Chris and race|disgusting foreigners]]. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is impossible, and I'm... [[Slow-in-the-minds|retarded]], but I don't ''care''. I'm beautiful." Mmph. [''suddenly monotone, confused''] "I'm having a... plastic surgeon install [[Speech impediment|rolly]] blades, thirty-millimeter... cannons, and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body, [''high pitched''] and from now on, I want you guys to call me ''ApaCHEEE'' and respect my rights to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me, you're a... heliphobe... and you need to check your vehicle [[Speech impediment|priviges]]. Thank you for being so understanding."

Wow, that's [[Chris and psychology|crazy]], that's jus'... I feel like... it's weird. [''Chris makes a strange sound, seemingly blowing a very short raspberry''] Whatever.

[''He shakes his head rapidly while [[Chris and cinematography|wobbling the camera]]'']

Alright, well there you go. Paid request. Have a good day.

==Happy Birthday, Nathan.==

Chris begins this video with an appearance of feigned astonishment. His eyes continually dart around the room as he attempts to briefly carry a tune.

Appearance-wise, Chris can only be described as extraordinarily hideous (more so than usual). Chris unsuccessfully returns to wearing blue eye-shadow, painting copious amounts of overarching makeup around his eyes, resulting in a garish visage similar to that of a washed-up drag queen. We also see a return of the yellow-flower barrette.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Happy Birthday, Nathan.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|CYjULlAjQ3E}}
| stardate = 21 [[July 2016]]
| subject = {{(Handouts)|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = {{(Clopper)|text}}
| previous = [[Paid Video Requests#Copypasta: Sexual Helicopter|Copypasta: Sexual Helicopter]]
| next = [[Paid Video Requests#Copypasta: Gorilla Warfare|Copypasta: Gorilla Warfare]]
}}

'''Description'''
{{quotebox| And now, another paid request...

via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===
Hello Nathan, this is Christine Chandler. A friend of yours paid me to send you a birthday greeting—so here you go.

''[Starts singing]''

Happy Birthday, Nathan. 
Have yourself a good day. 
Enjoy some cake and presents too. 
Happy Birthday to you. 

''[Briefly pauses, opening mouth to speak but instead transitions into a smile]''

Have a good day.

==Copypasta: Gorilla Warfare==
The copypasta Chris was paid to read this time, the "Navy Seal Copypasta" (or [[Wikipedia:Guerrilla warfare|"Gorilla Warfare"]]), is notably heavy on [[Chris and English#Chris and profanity|profanity]]. Presumably to the disappointment of the requester, Chris neglected to read all but one of the curses used. Most were simply deleted, resulting in awkward pauses and seemingly nonsensical sentences, though a few were replaced with milder words or strange sound effects.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Copypasta: Gorilla Warfare
| video = {{#ev:youtube|v=8_KAd19UGs0}}
| stardate = 21 [[July 2016]]
| subject = {{(Handouts)|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Reason|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = {{(Clopper)|text}}
| previous = [[Paid Video Requests#Happy Birthday, Nathan.|Happy Birthday, Nathan.]]
| next = [[Paid Video Requests#Singing "Yellow Submarine"|Singing "Yellow Submarine"]]
}}

'''Description'''
{{quotebox| And now, another paid request...

via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===
And now, another special recording request, paid, copypasta, their words not mine, called "Gorilla Warfare". What the- did you- just say about me, you little ''bloof''? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy SEALs! And I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Qaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills! I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top of- the top sniper in the entire [[United States of America|U.S.]] armed forces. You're nothing to me! You're just another target! I'll wipe the- out with precision... the likes of which you have- has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my... words. You think you'll get away with saying that... to me into- to me over the internet? Think again! As we speak I'm contacting my secret network of spies across the U.S., and your IP is being traced right now, so you better prepare for the storm, maggot, the storm that wipes out the... [[Duck|pathetic little thing]] you call your life. You're... dead, kid! [''[[It's UGH!|strange growling voice]]''] I can be anywhere, at any time. I can kill you in over 700 ways, and that's just with my bare haaands! [''normal voice''] Not only am I extensive trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corp [''sic''], [''high pitched''] and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little! [''normal voice''] If only you could have known the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|unholy reb- retribution]] your little "clever" comment ''was'' about to bring upon you, maybe you w'ave held your- tongue. But you couldn't, c- you didn't... and now you're paying the price, you god-dang idiot! I will... fury out over you and you will drown in it! You're dead, kiddo.

Yep, [''rolls eyes''] there's another paid creepypasta [''sic''], which I just read. [''claps down phone, [[Creepy stare|stares into camera]]''] Eh, whatever. Have a good day.

==Singing "Yellow Submarine"==
Unlike the other paid requests, Chris seemed genuinely excited to record this cover of a Beatles song, as indicated in the description. He even added a bizarre improvised portion at the end of the video, presumably as [[random-access humor]].

This video is notable for exhibiting an unintentional glance of Chris's crotch, revealing that he is wearing a [[Self-inflicted taint wound|pantiliner]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Singing "Yellow Submarine"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|o_-DFejUbDk}}
| stardate = 22 [[July 2016]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{(Handouts)|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|[[Random-access humor|Unintentional Comedy]]}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = {{(Clopper)|text}}
| previous = [[Paid Video Requests#Copypasta: Gorilla Warfare|Copypasta: Gorilla Warfare]]
| next = [[Paid Video Requests#Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies|Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies]]
}}

'''Description'''
{{quotebox| With pleasure, and by paid request,

via YouTube Capture
}}

After receiving a barrage of scornful conjectures regarding the accidental exposure of his crotch, Chris updated the video description:
{{quotebox| **In the Accidental crotch shot, I was wearing Panties, a Pantiliner and Pantyhose. OMG!
}}

===Transcript===
{{collapsible
|A long transcript of Chris mostly singing|

Hello, Christine Chandler, coming to you live again, and now by special, paid, request.

[''Chris freezes for several seconds as he holds the [[Chris and music#Recording tech|stereo system]] remote. He finally presses play, and The Beatles' "Yellow Submarine" begins playing. As he begins singing, the camera turns down to look at his K'Nex Yellow Submarine model'' ]

In the town where I was born lived a man who sailed the sea 
And he told us of his life in the land of submarines 
So we sailed into the sun 'till we found the sea of green 
And we live beneath the waves [''chris fiddles with the model''] in our yellow submarine 
We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine 
We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine 
And our friends are all aboard, many more of them live next door 
Then the band begins to play [''imitating a horn''] ''ba-ba-ba-rump-ra-rump-ra-rump-ra-rump-a-rump-a-rump-ba-rump-a-rump'' 
We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine 
We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine 

[''in a strange squeaky voice''] "Full speed ahead, Mr. Boatswain [''pronounced boats-wain''], full speed ahead! Ah, feel it is, sir! Cut the- cut the cable, drop the cable! C- aye, sir, aye, aye! Captain, [[Speech impediment|cowdun]]!"

[''He continues to sing, awkwardly trying to do the accompanying vocals as well with a higher pitch'']

As we live beneath these- a life of ease! 
And every one of us- every one of us! Has all we need- has all we need! 
Sky of blue- sky of blue! And sea of green- sea of green! 
In our yellow- in our yellow! Submarine, ha ha! 
We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine 
We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine 
We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine 
[''quietly''] All live in a yellow submarine...

[''Chris cuts off music but keeps singing''] Yellow submarine, yellow submarine... [''Chris picks up a K'Nex hippopotamus figure and moves it toward the camera''] and we all live in a hipp- [''camera falls over on its side''] Mmph! [''Chris sets camera up again, now holding another toy figure resembling a pig''] [[Random-access humor|We all live in a hippopotamus, a hippopotamus, a hippopotamus]] [''The camera falls over again, this time looking under the table and giving the viewer an unintentional shot of a seemingly oblivious Chris's crotch, revealing that he is wearing a pantiliner.''][''picking up camera again, still holding toy''] We all live in a hippopotamus, a hippopotamus, [''he sets it down on top of a human figure''] sitting on my head. Duh! Ba-bum! [''setting down "hippo" toy again''] Hippopotamus, sitting on my head! Duh! Get off my head, hippo!

[''Chris holds up a piece of the Yellow Submarine model''] And on a personal note, [[Lego]] would have done a be'er job with the construction of the Yellow Submarine than... K'Nex did. [''he demonstrates the model falling apart as he tries to pick it up''] Falls apart easy! Made in the USA, these [[HEXBox|Kinect]] [''sic''] parts. Anyway, there you go. "Yellow Submarine". Have a good day.}}

==Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies==
{{Honest}}
Similar to his last paid request, Chris appeared genuinely eager to record this video. His enthusiasm grew as the recording progressed—his voice projecting excitement as his pitch increased—especially when he shook his chest. This may be because—however briefly or mockingly—Chris became the object of someone else's sexuality. In total, Chris says the word "fuck" 32 times in the video, even though he had previously stated that he would not do any requests which contained profanity.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies
| video = {{#ev:youtube|cAR-6otspXk}}
| stardate = 22 [[July 2016]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}, {{(Handouts)|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = {{TurquoiseTankTop|text}}
| previous = [[Paid Video Requests#Singing "Yellow Submarine"|Singing "Yellow Submarine"]]
| next = [[Paid Video Requests#For Elisabeth|For Elisabeth]]
}}

This video was deleted by YouTube for violating its policy on "nudity or sexual content."

'''Description'''
{{quotebox| via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===
[''Chris retracts his right hand from the bottom right of the frame. He raises his eyebrows twice, then begins to recite the message. While doing this, he locks his forearms at a 90 degree angle to his upper arms, and rotates his torso left and right, as if he is dancing. '']

Fuck fuck fuck,

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck,

Fuck fuck fuck,

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck,

Fuck fuck fuck,

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck,

Fuck fuck fuck,

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!

[''Chris abruptly grabs his chest with both hands, one on each breast, and jiggles the flab underneath violently'']

Shake my boobiieees! Shake my boobies!

[''Chris quickly crosses his arms over his chest, presumably in a failed attempt to hide his burgeoning cleavage'']

Shake my boobies!

[''Chris shakes his head'']

Wee!

[''Chris reaches with his right hand to the bottom right of the frame'']

==For Elisabeth==
{{Infobox/video
| name = For Elisabeth
| video = {{#ev:youtube|XxJPbuAkaY0}}
| stardate = 22 [[July 2016]]
| subject = {{(Handouts)|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = {{TurquoiseTankTop|text}}
| previous = [[Paid Video Requests#Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies|Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies]]
| next = [[Paid Video Requests#To Stephen.|To Stephen.]]
}}

'''Description'''
{{quotebox| via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===
{{collapsible
|A long transcript of Chris mostly singing|

[''Chris looks into the camera and adjusts his glasses.'']

And now, my special paid request to Elizabeth, from your friend. If the, uh, tracks pauses, it's because the internet connection. My bad. Christine Chandler coming to ya live.

[''Chris looks up and to the left at his television, which is out of the shot. He presses a button on his controller, and the song'' Stereo Love ''written by Edward Maya and featuring Mia Martina begins to play. Chris follows along weakly, quickly getting out of sync with the lyrics.'']

When's a you're gonna stop breaking my heart 
I don't wanna be another one 
Pa-paying for the things I never done 
Don't let go 
Don't let go 
To my love 

Can I get to your soul 
Can you get to my thoughts 
Can you promise we won't let go 
All the things that I need 
All the things that you need 
Tha-You can make it feel so reeeeeal. 

Cuz you can't deny 
You've blown my mind 
When I touch your body 
As-I feel I'm losing control 
Cuz you can't deny 
You've blown my mind 
When I see you baby 
I just don't wanna let go 

I hate to see you cry 
Your smile's a beautiful lie 
I hate to see you cry 
My love is dyin' inside 

I can fix all those lies 
But baby, baby, I run, but I'm running to you 
You won't see me cryyyy, I'm hiding insiii 
My heart is in pain but I'm smiling for you 

Can I get to your soul 
Can't you get to my thoughts 
Can you promise we won't let goooo 
All the things that I need 
All the things that you need 
You can make it feel so reeeal 

Cuz you can't deny 
You've blown my mind 
When I touch your body 
I feel I'm losing control 
Lis-Cuz you can't deny 
You've blown my mind 
When I see you baby 
I just don't wanna let goooo 

When's you gonna stop breaking my hearrrt 
Don't let go 
Don't let goooo 
To my loooove 

-te to see you cry 
Your smile's a beautiful liiieee 
I hate to see you cry 
My love is dying insiiide 
I hate to see you cry 
My love is dyin' insiiide 
I hate to see you cry 
My love is dyin' insiiide 

I can fix all's lies 
But baby, baby, I run, but I'm running to you 
Won't see me cryyy, I'm hiding inside 
My heart is in pain but I'm smiling for you 
Oh baby I'll try to make the things right 
I need you more than air when I'm not with you 
Please don't as' me why, jus' kiss me this time 
My only dream is about you and Iii. 

[''The video ends. Chris turns his head back to the camera.'']

There you go, Elizabeth. Have a good day.}}

==To Stephen.==
{{Infobox/video
| name = To Stephen.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|RP9VKMOg-wg}}
| stardate = 22 [[July 2016]]
| subject = {{(Handouts)|text}}, {{Music|text}}, {{Television|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = {{TurquoiseTankTop|text}}
| previous = [[Paid Video Requests#For Elisabeth|For Elisabeth]]
| next = [[Paid Video Request Reminder]]
}}

'''Description'''
{{quotebox| via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===
[''The camera shakes as Chris turns it towards himself. He turns his head slightly to look into the camera.'']

Hello Steven (sic), this is Christine Chandler coming live to you. Paid request.

[''Chris looks directly down at his phone, which bobs in and out of the frame.'']

Uh, so yeah a friend of yours wanted me to, make, uh, a personal [''Chris raises his hand with the phone and takes off his glasses''] video shoutout to you, or, uh just talk to you.

[''Chris bring his phone into the center of the frame. He alternates throughout the message between looking at the phone and the camera.'']

Um, so yeah, heard you had surgery, so, that's good. You survived. Feel like you got a new lease. [''Chris looks up, then at the camera.''] Very good. Very good. Reason to live. Hmm. An', let's see, uh, oh, your friend really likes you, yeah, think you're the nicest person they ever know, you got a birthday-you HAD a birthday, so, happy belated birthday. Your friend's sorry about that too. Mmm. Movies and cartoons. So: [''Chris blows on his phone screen.''] I dunno if you're old enough to have h-seen the Saw movies, but [http://sawfilms.wikia.com/wiki/John_Kramer the story behind John Kramer] was pretty good. Um, an' cartoons, yeah-ah, shit! [''Chris holds the phone to his head briefly and makes a pained face''] start with a movie-a cartoon movie, um, oh well!

[''Chris starts to sing in a high-pitched voice to the tune of'' Everything is Awesome ''from the Lego Movie, although he sings the wrong lyrics.'']

Everything is groovy! 
Everything is cool when-[''Chris pauses'']-part of the team! 
Everything is groovy! 

[''Chris attempts to imitate a much older man now.'']

It's the Lego Movie! 
Lego Lego Movie!

[''In a higher pitched voice.''] 
Groovy! 
Movie! 

[''Chris returns to his normal voice.''] An, good luck to you an' both of your dogs! So, have a great day, Steven! [''Chris drops his phone.''] Take care.

==Machine Romans==
Note: This video was uploading to [https://gaming.youtube.com/channel/UCN4fi8RjeYVVRbeavxeXffw an alternate account], due to Chris receiving a temporary ban from his main channel.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Machine Romans
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Ch0t6ZPxTxo}}
| stardate = 28 [[July 2016]]
| subject = {{(Handouts)|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = {{TurquoiseTankTop|text}}
| previous = [[Paid Video Request Reminder]]
| next = [[Paid Video Requests#Birthday Greetings for BellyBoi69|Birthday Greetings for BellyBoi69]]
}}

'''Description'''
{{quotebox| Paid for by StrokeTheWizard - soundcloud.com/strokethewizard More information: nobodytm.com

Common Filth: youtube.com/channel/UCb9NIDFFW4KOqc6hGBnFBhg

via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===
[''Chris turns the camera towards himself. He glances down at a piece of paper out of frame, then back at the camera.'']

Hello ev'rybody, 'nother paid request, [''Chris brings the piece of paper into the bottom left of the frame.''] so without further ado, hmm, [''Chris's voice becomes lower in pitch. Throughout the reading, the pitch and tone of his voice fluctuates between his normal voice and this more somber voice, and he pronounces several of the words in the passage with great difficulty.'']

Our civilization's trajectory is irreversible. We are being physically culled by visions, and our machines are domesticating us. Corporations are plotting to build sub-realities via trendy virtual-reality technology, that celebrities will soon endorse as fashion, so they may act as gods to the underclasses. In a matrix of their own creation, the spiritual peasants are all too eager to submit. Sexual intimacy will no longer be ''intimate,'' the act will be as mundane conversation. We will be monitored by artificial intelligence, through every medium, for our own protection, and humans will always feel inclined to erode morality, through slogans relating to love and freedom. Believing that it is part of evolution, conditioned from birth to worship the institution, the narrative will not be conquered from within. Faith must be put into intangible higher orders; do not submit to the good of mere machines.

[''Chris puts the paper down and faces the camera again. He now speaks in his normal voice.'']

Okay. That's fair. Have a good day.

==Birthday Greetings for BellyBoi69==
Even though this video was released on 28 July 2018, Chris's [[Chris_and_fashion|wardrobe]] and his location suggest that it was made in [[2016]].
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris's paid video for BellyBoi69
| video = {{#ev:youtube|3ZA6AG9kECg}}
| stardate = 28 July 2016
| subject = {{Marketing|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = {{TurquoiseTankTop|text}} {{The Musical Tote|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Machine Romans]]
| next = [[Reading: "A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire"]]

}}

====Transcript====
[''Overhead shot of Chris.'']
Hello, Ily [''pronounced like "Reilly"''] in Australia. I'm guessin' that's how you [[Honor roll|spell]] your name 'cause your friends... typed it as I-L-Y. Anyway, happy birthday to you and... I'm doin' this w'm'selfie stick because, uh... it'd be complicated to link my PS4 to my YouTube account-- uh, other one. Anyway, [''Chris briefly lowers the camera, giving the audience a boob shot''] here's the selfie stick, I'll do a little dance. [''Chris hums tunelessly and dances, inverting and lowering the camera during the latter part of the routine.''] Happy birthday, Ily.

==Sources==
<references/>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Update_20160718]]|nextlink=[[Reading: "A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire"]]}}

{{BusinessList}}
[[Category:Business]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2016]]
[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme

2021-07-23T04:48:06Z

Hallowed Ween:

'''"Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme"''' is the eighth and final track from [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]'s [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|self-titled debut]]. Notably, it is sung over an instrumental version of the song, "Open Your Heart" by [[wikipedia:Crush 40|Crush 40]]. This is a major step up for Chris, as this way he isn't competing with the lyrics, as in most of his covers. He still sings pretty terribly, though.

Until Chris officially [[July 2021 social media posts#Please_update_the_CWCki|released a lyric sheet]] in 2021, the low volume of the vocal track relative to the instrumental track made the song's lyrics extremely difficult to parse. As the CWCki's best attempt to decipher the lyrics was the listener's only reference for years, its incomplete version thereof has been a substantial influence on cover artists and Christorians, and is preserved for historical interest.

==Listen==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|WwzfupzM6eo}}
| stardate = [[2003#August|August 2003]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| previous = [[Feel So Lonesome]]
| next = [[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise]]
}}

===Official lyrics===
''[sung over [[Wikipedia:Crush 40|Sons of Angels]]'s "Open Your Heart" (instrumental) from [[Wikipedia: NASCAR Arcade|NASCAR Arcade]] and [[Wikipedia: Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]. Lyrics edited for formatting.]''

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys 
Zipping along, rocking with joy ''[written as ''Zappin' it up ''in later versions]'' 
Guitars, and rockin' speedsters 
And many fans with cheers

[[Shadow the Hedgehog|Shadow]] and [[Blake|Black Sonichu]] 
[[Niggos|The dark half]] can rock too 
[[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] 
Rockin' in the atomic!

And [[Chris and his Ego|the leader]] who put the band together 
Singin' with his soul 
His name is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Christian Chandler]]

Rockin' with adventures 
and without stopping 
Runnin' faster than the speed of sound ''[sung as'' ...than sound ''in album version]'' 
And zappin' with lightning

Instruments of rhythm 
Listening to their souls 
We are setting out on a mission 
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will rock your world

Rock your world 
Yeah, yeah!

Rockin' with adventures 
and without stopping 
Runnin' faster than the speed of sound ''[sung as'' ...than sound ''in album version]'' 
And zappin' with lightning

Instruments of rhythm 
Listening to their souls 
We are setting out on a mission 
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will rock your world

Rock your world 
Yeah, yeah! ''[sung as presumably ad-libbed'' Yeah!/Oh yeah! ''in album version]''

<center>
<gallery>
Image:July22LyricSheet.jpg|Chris's official lyric sheet. Note that, rather than writing the song in verse, or perhaps sheet music, Chris chose to write it as prose. It's no wonder his timing is so awful.
</gallery>
</center>

===Lyrics as formerly interpreted by the CWCki===
[''sung over [[Wikipedia:Crush 40|Sons of Angels]]'s "Open Your Heart" (instrumental) from [[Wikipedia: NASCAR Arcade|NASCAR Arcade]] and [[Wikipedia: Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]'']

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys! 
Zipping along! Rockin' with joy! 
Guitars, drums, and seniors! 
''[Unintelligible]'' with you!

Shadow! Black Sonichu! 
The dark half can rock you! 
Sonichu and Sonic 
Rockin' in the atomic!

And the leader who put the band together 
Singin' with this song! 
His name is Christian ''Chandler!''

Rockin' with adventures 
and without stopping! 
Runnin' faster than sound! 
''[Unintelligible]'' my day!

It's a mental rhythm 
Listening to their songs! 
We are setting out on a mission! 
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will ''ROCK THE WORLD!''

Rock the ''world!'' 
Yeah, yeah!

Rockin' with adventures 
and without stoppin'! 
Runnin' faster than sound 
And zappin' with lightning!

It's a mental rhythm 
Listenin' to their songs! 
We are setting out on a mission! 
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will ''rock the world!''

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will rock a world! 
Yeah!

Oh, yeah!

==Covers==
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|acsbVnZ-neU}}
| stardate = 13 [[February 2015]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| subject = Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]] (Deluxe Edition).
}}</center>

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)]]
[[Category:Music]]

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme

2021-07-23T04:47:16Z

Hallowed Ween: mistranscribed the non-canon lyrics, my bad. also, header style fix

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme

2021-07-23T01:20:40Z

Hallowed Ween: i swear i had the embedded image in here before

'''"Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme"''' is the eighth and final track from [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]'s [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|self-titled debut]]. Notably, it is sung over an instrumental version of the song, "Open Your Heart" by [[wikipedia:Crush 40|Crush 40]]. This is a major step up for Chris, as this way he isn't competing with the lyrics, as in most of his covers. He still sings pretty terribly, though.

Until Chris officially [[July 2021 social media posts#Please_update_the_CWCki|released a lyric sheet]] in 2021, the low volume of the vocal track relative to the instrumental track made the song's lyrics extremely difficult to parse. As the CWCki's best attempt to decipher the lyrics was the listener's only reference for years, its incomplete version thereof has been a substantial influence on cover artists and Christorians, and is preserved for historical interest.

==Listen==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|WwzfupzM6eo}}
| stardate = [[2003#August|August 2003]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| previous = [[Feel So Lonesome]]
| next = [[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise]]
}}

===Official Lyrics===
''[sung over [[Wikipedia:Crush 40|Sons of Angels]]'s "Open Your Heart" (instrumental) from [[Wikipedia: NASCAR Arcade|NASCAR Arcade]] and [[Wikipedia: Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]. Lyrics edited for formatting.]''

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys 
Zipping along, rocking with joy ''[written as ''Zappin' it up ''in later versions]'' 
Guitars, and rockin' speedsters 
And many fans with cheers

[[Shadow the Hedgehog|Shadow]] and [[Blake|Black Sonichu]] 
[[Niggos|The dark half]] can rock too 
[[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] 
Rockin' in the atomic!

And [[Chris and his Ego|the leader]] who put the band together 
Singin' with his soul 
His name is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Christian Chandler]]

Rockin' with adventures 
and without stopping 
Runnin' faster than the speed of sound ''[sung as'' ...than sound ''in album version]'' 
And zappin' with lightning

Instruments of rhythm 
Listening to their souls 
We are setting out on a mission 
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will rock your world

Rock your world 
Yeah, yeah!

Rockin' with adventures 
and without stopping 
Runnin' faster than the speed of sound ''[sung as'' ...than sound ''in album version]'' 
And zappin' with lightning

Instruments of rhythm 
Listening to their souls 
We are setting out on a mission 
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will rock your world

Rock your world 
Yeah, yeah! ''[sung as presumably ad-libbed'' Yeah!/Oh yeah! ''in album version]''

<center>
<gallery>
Image:July22LyricSheet.jpg|Chris's official lyric sheet. Note that, rather than writing the song in verse, or perhaps sheet music, Chris chose to write it as prose. It's no wonder his timing is so awful.
</gallery>
</center>

===Lyrics as Formerly Interpreted by the CWCki===
[''sung over [[Wikipedia:Crush 40|Sons of Angels]]'s "Open Your Heart" (instrumental) from [[Wikipedia: NASCAR Arcade|NASCAR Arcade]] and [[Wikipedia: Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]'']

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys! 
Zipping along! Rockin' with joy! 
Guitars, drums, and seniors! 
''[Unintelligible]'' with you!

Shadow! Black Sonichu! 
The dark half can rock you! 
Sonichu and Sonic 
Rockin' in the atomic!

And the leader who put the band together 
Singin' with this song! 
His name is Christian ''Chandler!''

Rockin' with adventures 
and without stopping! 
Runnin' faster than sound! 
And zappin' with lightning!

It's a mental rhythm 
Listening to their songs! 
We are setting out on a mission! 
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will ''ROCK THE WORLD!''

Rock the ''world!'' 
Yeah, yeah!

Rockin' with adventures 
and without stoppin'! 
Runnin' faster than sound 
''[Unintelligible]'' my day!

It's a mental rhythm 
Listenin' to their songs! 
We are setting out on a mission! 
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will ''rock the world!''

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will rock a world! 
Yeah!

Oh, yeah!

==Covers==
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|acsbVnZ-neU}}
| stardate = 13 [[February 2015]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| subject = Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]] (Deluxe Edition).
}}</center>

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)]]
[[Category:Music]]

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme

2021-07-23T00:25:25Z

Hallowed Ween:

'''"Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme"''' is the eighth and final track from [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]'s [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|self-titled debut]]. Notably, it is sung over an instrumental version of the song, "Open Your Heart" by [[wikipedia:Crush 40|Crush 40]]. This is a major step up for Chris, as this way he isn't competing with the lyrics, as in most of his covers. He still sings pretty terribly, though.

Until Chris officially [[July 2021 social media posts#Please_update_the_CWCki|released a lyric sheet]] in 2021, the low volume of the vocal track relative to the instrumental track made the song's lyrics extremely difficult to parse. As the CWCki's best attempt to decipher the lyrics was the listener's only reference for years, its incomplete version thereof has been a substantial influence on cover artists and Christorians, and is preserved for historical interest.

==Listen==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|WwzfupzM6eo}}
| stardate = [[2003#August|August 2003]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| previous = [[Feel So Lonesome]]
| next = [[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise]]
}}

===Official Lyrics===
''[sung over [[Wikipedia:Crush 40|Sons of Angels]]'s "Open Your Heart" (instrumental) from [[Wikipedia: NASCAR Arcade|NASCAR Arcade]] and [[Wikipedia: Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]. Lyrics edited for formatting.]''

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys 
Zipping along, rocking with joy ''[written as ''Zappin' it up ''in later versions]'' 
Guitars, and rockin' speedsters 
And many fans with cheers

[[Shadow the Hedgehog|Shadow]] and [[Blake|Black Sonichu]] 
[[Niggos|The dark half]] can rock too 
[[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] 
Rockin' in the atomic!

And [[Chris and his Ego|the leader]] who put the band together 
Singin' with his soul 
His name is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Christian Chandler]]

Rockin' with adventures 
and without stopping 
Runnin' faster than the speed of sound ''[sung as'' ...than sound ''in album version]'' 
And zappin' with lightning

Instruments of rhythm 
Listening to their souls 
We are setting out on a mission 
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will rock your world

Rock your world 
Yeah, yeah!

Rockin' with adventures 
and without stopping 
Runnin' faster than the speed of sound ''[sung as'' ...than sound ''in album version]'' 
And zappin' with lightning

Instruments of rhythm 
Listening to their souls 
We are setting out on a mission 
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will rock your world

Rock your world 
Yeah, yeah! ''[sung as presumably ad-libbed'' Yeah!/Oh yeah! ''in album version]''

===Lyrics as Formerly Interpreted by the CWCki===
[''sung over [[Wikipedia:Crush 40|Sons of Angels]]'s "Open Your Heart" (instrumental) from [[Wikipedia: NASCAR Arcade|NASCAR Arcade]] and [[Wikipedia: Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]'']

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys! 
Zipping along! Rockin' with joy! 
Guitars, drums, and seniors! 
''[Unintelligible]'' with you!

Shadow! Black Sonichu! 
The dark half can rock you! 
Sonichu and Sonic 
Rockin' in the atomic!

And the leader who put the band together 
Singin' with this song! 
His name is Christian ''Chandler!''

Rockin' with adventures 
and without stopping! 
Runnin' faster than sound! 
And zappin' with lightning!

It's a mental rhythm 
Listening to their songs! 
We are setting out on a mission! 
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will ''ROCK THE WORLD!''

Rock the ''world!'' 
Yeah, yeah!

Rockin' with adventures 
and without stoppin'! 
Runnin' faster than sound 
''[Unintelligible]'' my day!

It's a mental rhythm 
Listenin' to their songs! 
We are setting out on a mission! 
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will ''rock the world!''

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will rock a world! 
Yeah!

Oh, yeah!

==Covers==
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|acsbVnZ-neU}}
| stardate = 13 [[February 2015]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| subject = Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]] (Deluxe Edition).
}}</center>

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)]]
[[Category:Music]]

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme

2021-07-23T00:24:42Z

Hallowed Ween: whoever's edit i overwrote: oops

'''"Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme"''' is the eighth and final track from [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]'s [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|self-titled debut]]. Notably, it is sung over an instrumental version of the song, "Open Your Heart" by [[wikipedia:Crush 40|Crush 40]]. This is a major step up for Chris, as this way he isn't competing with the lyrics, as in most of his covers. He still sings pretty terribly, though.

Until Chris officially released a lyric sheet in [[July 2021 social media posts#Please_update_the_CWCki|2021,]] the low volume of the vocal track relative to the instrumental track made the song's lyrics extremely difficult to parse. As the CWCki's best attempt to decipher the lyrics was the listener's only reference for years, its incomplete version thereof has been a substantial influence on cover artists and Christorians, and is preserved for historical interest.

==Listen==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|WwzfupzM6eo}}
| stardate = [[2003#August|August 2003]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| previous = [[Feel So Lonesome]]
| next = [[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise]]
}}

===Official Lyrics===
''[sung over [[Wikipedia:Crush 40|Sons of Angels]]'s "Open Your Heart" (instrumental) from [[Wikipedia: NASCAR Arcade|NASCAR Arcade]] and [[Wikipedia: Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]. Lyrics edited for formatting.]''

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys 
Zipping along, rocking with joy ''[written as ''Zappin' it up ''in later versions]'' 
Guitars, and rockin' speedsters 
And many fans with cheers

[[Shadow the Hedgehog|Shadow]] and [[Blake|Black Sonichu]] 
[[Niggos|The dark half]] can rock too 
[[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] 
Rockin' in the atomic!

And [[Chris and his Ego|the leader]] who put the band together 
Singin' with his soul 
His name is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Christian Chandler]]

Rockin' with adventures 
and without stopping 
Runnin' faster than the speed of sound ''[sung as'' ...than sound ''in album version]'' 
And zappin' with lightning

Instruments of rhythm 
Listening to their souls 
We are setting out on a mission 
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will rock your world

Rock your world 
Yeah, yeah!

Rockin' with adventures 
and without stopping 
Runnin' faster than the speed of sound ''[sung as'' ...than sound ''in album version]'' 
And zappin' with lightning

Instruments of rhythm 
Listening to their souls 
We are setting out on a mission 
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will rock your world

Rock your world 
Yeah, yeah! ''[sung as presumably ad-libbed'' Yeah!/Oh yeah! ''in album version]''

===Lyrics as Formerly Interpreted by the CWCki===
[''sung over [[Wikipedia:Crush 40|Sons of Angels]]'s "Open Your Heart" (instrumental) from [[Wikipedia: NASCAR Arcade|NASCAR Arcade]] and [[Wikipedia: Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]'']

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys! 
Zipping along! Rockin' with joy! 
Guitars, drums, and seniors! 
''[Unintelligible]'' with you!

Shadow! Black Sonichu! 
The dark half can rock you! 
Sonichu and Sonic 
Rockin' in the atomic!

And the leader who put the band together 
Singin' with this song! 
His name is Christian ''Chandler!''

Rockin' with adventures 
and without stopping! 
Runnin' faster than sound! 
And zappin' with lightning!

It's a mental rhythm 
Listening to their songs! 
We are setting out on a mission! 
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will ''ROCK THE WORLD!''

Rock the ''world!'' 
Yeah, yeah!

Rockin' with adventures 
and without stoppin'! 
Runnin' faster than sound 
''[Unintelligible]'' my day!

It's a mental rhythm 
Listenin' to their songs! 
We are setting out on a mission! 
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will ''rock the world!''

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will rock a world! 
Yeah!

Oh, yeah!

==Covers==
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|acsbVnZ-neU}}
| stardate = 13 [[February 2015]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| subject = Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]] (Deluxe Edition).
}}</center>

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)]]
[[Category:Music]]

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme

2021-07-23T00:09:56Z

Hallowed Ween: lyrics are out so i guess it's on be to be chris's wiki whore

'''"Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme"''' is the eighth and final track from [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]'s [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|self-titled debut]]. Notably, it is sung over an instrumental version of the song, "Open Your Heart" by [[wikipedia:Crush 40|Crush 40]]. This is a major step up for Chris, as this way he isn't competing with the lyrics, as in most of his covers. He still sings pretty terribly, though.

Until Chris officially released a lyric sheet in [[July 2021 social media posts#Please_update_the_CWCki|2021,]] the low volume of the vocal track relative to the instrumental track made the song's lyrics extremely difficult to parse. As the CWCki's best attempt to decipher the lyrics was the listener's only reference for years, its incomplete version thereof has been a substantial influence on cover artists and Christorians, and is preserved for historical interest.

==Listen==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|WwzfupzM6eo}}
| stardate = [[2003#August|August 2003]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| previous = [[Feel So Lonesome]]
| next = [[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise]]
}}

===Official Lyrics===
''[sung over [[Wikipedia:Crush 40|Sons of Angels]]'s "Open Your Heart" (instrumental) from [[Wikipedia: NASCAR Arcade|NASCAR Arcade]] and [[Wikipedia: Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]. Lyrics edited for formatting.]''

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys 
Zipping along, rocking with joy ''[''Zappin' it up ''in later versions]'' 
Guitars, and rockin' speedsters 
And many fans with cheers

[[Shadow the Hedgehog|Shadow]] and [[Blake|Black Sonichu]] 
[[Niggos|The dark half]] can rock too 
[[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] 
Rockin' in the atomic!

And [[Chris and his Ego|the leader]] who put the band together 
Singin' with his soul 
His name is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Christian Chandler]]

Rockin' with adventures 
and without stopping 
Runnin' faster than the speed of sound ''[sung as'' ...than sound ''in album version]'' 
And zappin' with lightning

Instruments of rhythm 
Listening to their souls 
We are setting out on a mission 
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will rock your world

Rock your world 
Yeah, yeah!

Rockin' with adventures 
and without stopping 
Runnin' faster than the speed of sound ''[sung as'' ...than sound ''in album version]'' 
And zappin' with lightning

Instruments of rhythm 
Listening to their souls 
We are setting out on a mission 
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will rock your world

Rock your world 
Yeah, yeah! ''[sung as presumably ad-libbed'' Yeah!/Oh yeah! ''in album version]''

===Lyrics as Formerly Interpreted by the CWCki===
[''sung over [[Wikipedia:Crush 40|Sons of Angels]]'s "Open Your Heart" (instrumental) from [[Wikipedia: NASCAR Arcade|NASCAR Arcade]] and [[Wikipedia: Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]'']

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys! 
Zipping along! Rockin' with joy! 
Guitars, drums, and seniors! 
''[Unintelligible]'' with you!

[[Shadow the Hedgehog|Shadow]]! [[Blake|Black Sonichu]]! 
The dark half can rock you! 
[[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] 
Rockin' in the atomic!

And the leader who put the band together 
Singin' with this song! 
His name is Christian ''Chandler!''

Rockin' with adventures 
and without stopping! 
Runnin' faster than sound! 
And zappin' with lightning!

It's a mental rhythm 
Listening to their songs! 
We are setting out on a mission! 
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will ''ROCK THE WORLD!''

Rock the ''world!'' 
Yeah, yeah!

Rockin' with adventures 
and without stoppin'! 
Runnin' faster than sound 
''[Unintelligible]'' my day!

It's a mental rhythm 
Listenin' to their songs! 
We are setting out on a mission! 
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will ''rock the world!''

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will rock a world! 
Yeah!

Oh, yeah!

==Covers==
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|acsbVnZ-neU}}
| stardate = 13 [[February 2015]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| subject = Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]] (Deluxe Edition).
}}</center>

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)]]
[[Category:Music]]

Chris and cameras

2020-08-10T04:10:45Z

Hallowed Ween: /* Other photography failures */

{{Dated}}

{{quote|Q: Why do so many of your videos have a greenish-yellow tinge? A: It's one of the flaws in recording with Sony's EyeCreate Program (a downloadable Playstation 3 Application that requires the [[PSEye|Playstation Eye Camera]]); THEY NEED TO FIX THE PROGRAM, not only of that tint from Lack Of Some Light, but the Audio/Video skips that seems to occur during recording.|[[Common Questions|Chris, believing it's all in the equipment]]}}
{{quote|Oh, and the Windows at that place were Tinted, so the photography would be best from inside the place.|[[Talk:Coffee Place#Do Not Delete; Pursue for the Drama.|Chris]], trying to troll us as JenkinsJinkies. Like we wouldn't know what tinted windows actually do to your photographs.}}

[[Image:camerawork2.png|thumb|For as much as he sucks at positioning photos, at least Chris is real good at hiding his failures.]]

Chris's approach to '''cinematography''' is all kinds of abysmal, whether we're talking about still photography or videos. Despite years and years of constant and obviously enthusiastic photography and home video making, Chris hasn't learned anything beyond the basics of this craft. In fact, the way he still routinely fucks up things proves that he is handling cameras far ''worse'' than your Average Joe...and as we've seen from [[12 October 2009|what Chris has done]] to his camera, "bad camera handling" can be interpreted in more than one way.

Chris's video production efforts have been hindered by the fact that, despite [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|years of practice]], he doesn't know anything about cinematography. He's oblivious to several bits of common sense, like "if you want to see anything at all, light the scene properly." Chris goes as far as to [[Brutal Legend|never even check his videos]] before uploading them, nor does he [[Live Drawing Streams|check his recording equipment]] before filming.

Note that not every failure in Chris's cinematography can be attributed solely to Chris; it's obvious that in some cases where he's in front of the camera he has gotten help that goes beyond merely using a camera timer or doing heavy-handed editing. Yet, he still fancies that he's in creative control of the situation, which just proves that he just doesn't see any mistakes in his pet projects no matter how obvious they are. If you end up as [[Mailbag 43#...Well, this is disturbing!|Great Director Chandler]]'s cameraman, he won't complain about your lack of talent (nor compliment you if you outdo him), unless you fail to draw Rosechu's tail correctly.

==Framing the shots==
[[Image:Gibson.jpg|thumb|This is an excellently centered image, with a delightful backdrop.]]

Chris assumes that if he can see the lens, then everything can be seen by the lens. He has no idea what it means to be in the focus of a shot, and is constantly standing way out of center, or putting stuff so close to the camera you can't even tell what you're looking at. A shining example is [[ToJackie|a video to Jackie]] in which he "swore on the Bible," yet the poor framing makes it impossible to tell whether the object he holds is actually a Bible or not. When handling the camerawork directly, Chris often attempts to experiment with the camera's positioning without properly considering what his audience will see, and as such we are on the receiving end of [[Videobooks|many]] [[Sonichu's Edge|masterpieces]]. Additionally, his lack of proper equipment or controlled co-ordination tends to [[Obesity|weigh down]] such endeavors with constant shaking, or disorienting angles, especially in [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|videos]] [[Don't Mess With Me|where]] [[Bunny Hop|he]] [[100 2278|moves]] [[CWC Fighter|around]].

In some of his more recent videos, such as [[Doxing Jeff/Francine]] from [[November 2015]], Chris has taken to using the image stabilization feature on his iPhone to help steady his shaky-handed recordings. The result is a wobbly image against a mostly black background when the videos are put up on YouTube, which doesn't make things any much better.

==Focus==
Chris relies extensively on autofocus. Autofocus usually works with a slight delay and it usually can't focus on subjects that are too close to the camera. Many cameras have a specific autofocus mode or require manual focus for [[wikipedia:macro photography|macro photography]]...and judging by some rather blurry shots in [[A Week With Christian Chandler]] (probably shot with a 35mm SLR camera from the school), he can't even get the latter right.

==Lighting==
[[File:0779-CWCREAR.JPG|thumb|right|Chris's clueless flash photography is one reason why we know so little about his room and so much about his wardrobe and skin conditions.]]

Most of Chris's [[YouTube]] videos have been lit completely wrong. Plainly put, if you're making videos indoors, ''you've got to turn the room lights on!'' Human brains can automatically adjust to different color temperatures, but film and video cameras either lack the automata to handle this, or are constantly struggling in bad lighting conditions to figure out what's going on. Chris assumes that if there's enough natural light coming in for him to see anything at all, then the video is lit properly. As a result, many of Chris's indoor video shots have a distinct, disgusting yellow tint that make it look like it was shot in a jar filled with pee (indeed, many have compared Chris's videos to that of [[wikipedia:Piss Christ|Piss Christ]]). Of course, it also doesn't help that he has never heard of [[wikipedia:Color balance|white balance]]. This is somewhat subverted with his videos shot on his [[iDea Book Case|iPhone]] and his PlayStation Camera, but other factors hamper down whatever merit he gets out of it.

Many of Chris's photographs, as in the Scrapbook and A Week With Christian Chandler, have been shot against light (i.e., camera facing the light source). This usually leaves the subjects in shadow and obscures the details. When done correctly, this technique will highlight the subject's hair and create a beautiful halo effect (especially during a sunset), but Chris lacks the editing or exposure skills necessary to pull it off.

Chris also commits a common novice mistake in thinking that camera flash completely negates the need for proper lighting (a [[naïve]] view of "if it's day, everything is OK, but if it's night or you're indoors, then just use the flash"). In fact, flash will highlight the front of the scene, but it can also overexpose the shot if the subject is too close to the camera. If the background is unlit, it adds a very big contrast and stark shadows.

As of [[October 2015]], Chris has begun lighting his room before filming it, as evidenced in videos like [[Thank You from Christine Chandler]] and [[HelloLadyFans]], which lack a green tint. So far, this shift has stuck, as all of Chris's videos from that point are lit properly.

==Post-production==
[[File:Family Guy mirror.jpg|right|thumb|A shining example of Chris's amazing screenshot work.]]

As inept as he is at video production, he's equally bad at post-production as well. A good example of this is whenever he needs to put text on the screen during his videos. Even the simplest video editing software like Windows Movie Maker or iMovie will allow you to easily put text on the screen and make it so that anyone watching the video can read it, whether it's changing the color of the font or adding a drop shadow. Chris doesn't do this, opting instead to write the text on a piece of paper and film it with his camera. Probably the best example of this is seen in [[The July 10th Messages]] where, at the start of each of the videos, he films a piece of paper with a YouTube username while informing us that the video we're about to see is addressed to the user shown. In one of the videos, he has a message below the username that, because he never bothers to focus the camera, is completely unreadable. This wouldn't be a problem if he could just use software to add text to the video.

He did once use video editing software, albeit a really basic one that's built into the PSEye software, to add text and effects, in his [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|entry in the ''PaRappa the Rapper'' contest]] that the no-good [[Adam Stackhouse]] ended up winning. The result is the video makes even less sense than it did without the use of editing software. The effects added to the video are all stock effects, most of which make no sense in the context of the video. For example, in one part, Chris put up a graphic that reads "Birthday Boy" on the screen, even though the video had nothing to do with his birthday. One can argue, though, that this was his attempt at [[random-access humor]] and that it's not supposed to make sense.

This is not to say he can't edit, because there are a couple of music videos that show that he can, indeed, put shots together in a way that the video conveys a message that it's supposed to. This is present in his music videos for "[[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|Holding Out for a Hero]]" and "[[CWC "Boyfriend"|Boyfriend]]". Of course, they both suck, but the fact that he can at least put shots together proves that, if he could just learn how to use editing software for more than just putting shots together, he could be a filmmaker. Then again, he never learns.

When the video is uploaded to YouTube, most of the time Chris doesn't bother to name it. And when he does, he leaves the .MOV extension in the video title, suggesting that his videos are uploaded in the QuickTime format. Obviously, he wouldn't bother using any of his [[monthly tugboat]] purchasing a Mac when there are better things to [[Chris and money|spend your tax dollars]] on. Whether the computer in the kitchen has software that exports to QuickTime or his camera uses SD cards or other flash memory in a way that he can simply upload the video from the memory is a mystery.

In [[Some Favored Comedians]], Chris, in an attempt to insert clips for comparison, records the TV screen. Recording things off the TV screen without extra preparation often results in a completely unwatchable picture, and this is no exception, as if the camera is focused on the TV, everything else in the room is darkened and a series of black lines appear on the screen. In this case, because the camera isn't focused, the TV shows nothing but bright, unfocused colors. Most people would think that ''actually editing the clips in'' might be a far more sensible strategy--Chris shows clips from ''The Cleveland Show'' and ''Family Guy'', shows that are readily available online and on Amazon Instant Video, iTunes and DVD. However, knowing YouTube's notoriously broken copyright system, which would allow [[wikipedia:Fox Broadcasting Company|Fox]] to take it down, it's possible Chris did this intentionally to avoid getting a copyright strike.

In [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4]], Chris uses very obvious and clumsy jump cuts to disguise the fact that he missed the camera when he first tried to throw a tape dispenser at it.

Chris can't even take screenshots, a novice action, properly without screwing it up, as one can see in the ''[[Family Guy]]'' picture shown at the right. Not only does it display that Chris is unaware of software that can capture images on computer screens ([[wikipedia:Snipping Tool|one of which]] is ''bundled with Windows computers''), the shot he took of his computer screen is blocked by glare from the background lights, as well as the watermark that appears when a Hulu video is paused.

==Animation==
{{see also|Flipnote Hatena}}
Chris used to make stop-motion [[Lego]] animations, which were shot with the [[wikipedia:Game Boy Camera|Game Boy Camera]] and transferred to videotape (and eventually the DVD) using a combination of the [[wikipedia:Super Game Boy|Super Game Boy]] and a VCR. The main problem with these animations was the grainy picture quality, breakneck pace and lack of post-processing editing (there are very visible breaks in the animation). As such, it's very difficult to make sense of what's going on in these animations.

Later on, Chris started doing Lego "animations" with a regular video camera. [[A Sonichu Day]] and [[PlayingHouse]] are good examples of this. These efforts are all wrecked by being out of focus, and Chris's hands blocking the view most of the time when anything worthwhile happens. Nowadays, creating stop-motion animations is relatively simple with just about any digital camera and video editing software, but this is probably way out of Chris's technical competence and lack of patience.

Chris showed significant improvement in animation with the release of [[A Moment With Dr Wolf Chris Chan and Greater Struggles]]. Not only did he improve his filming techniques, he even occasionally uses scene transitions, demonstrating a limited knowledge in special effects and editing.

==Other photography failures==
[[A Week With Christian Chandler]] includes a bunch of black-and-white photographs that were apparently done as part of a photography course. The photographs themselves are probably shot on 35mm SLRs, with manual iris and focus, and considering how many problems Chris nowadays has with digital cameras with ''automatic'' exposure control and focus, the results are not entirely unexpected.

Unlike color photography, black-and-white film and prints are easy to develop without complicated processes and overly expensive chemicals, so letting kids develop their own photos in school makes sense. However, failure is never too far away; Chris's report is almost a complete collection of common black-and-white photo development newbie mistakes. Most prints are over or underexposed, resulting in an overly dark or overly light print. Some have edges or corners underexposed, and one even has an underexposed band going through the image, which means that someone in the darkroom didn't quite grasp the idea of "not putting anything between the enlarger's head and the paper while the print is exposed". Some have smudges and fingerprints in resulting prints, owing to handling photographic paper with wet or dirty hands before putting it in an enlarger. One has visible dust, for the same reason.

The photos in the report, as well as some older photos, particularly the ones in the [[KCWC broadcast|slideshow]], have visible striping on them. This is likely due to the images being rescans of inkjet-printed photos.

==See also==
*[[YouTube]]
*[[List of videos]]
*[[Captain's Log]]
*[[PSEye]]

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Hobbies]]

Chris and fashion

2020-08-10T01:49:34Z

Hallowed Ween: /* Cross-dressing Boutique */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|thumb|Fashion passes...]]
[[File:Chris at Region 10.jpg|thumb|200px|for a few decades at least.]]
{{Quote|Oh yeah, you just love to see me in my- in the old red, white and blue.|Chris to [[Kacey]]<ref>[[Kacey Call 2]]</ref>}}

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has a somewhat peculiar taste in '''fashion'''. Although he is willing to [[Chris and money|spend thousands of dollars]] on [[video games]], [[toys]], and [[sex dolls]], Chris is very stingy when it comes to shopping for his clothes, which are usually purchased secondhand at thrift stores like [[Wikipedia:Salvation Army|The Salvation Army]] and [[Wikipedia:Goodwill Industries|Goodwill]]. Prior to the [[Tomgirl Saga]], the majority of shirts he owned were colorful collared shirts and undersized rugby shirts - most of which were decorated with horizontal stripes, which, despite being scientifically proven to have a slimming effect <ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-superhuman-mind/201502/what-makes-you-look-fat-vertical-or-horizontal-lines?amp</ref>, have any such potential effects crushed by Chris's [[Obesity|impressive physique]]. [[Mailbag 42#The rugby shirt he wore for 3 days in a row isn't a favorite or anything|Mailbag 42]] revealed that at least one of these shirts (the "Advice Dog") was purchased by his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]. Though his mother didn't directly dress him anymore, Chris still chose to wear these shirts. The advent of the [[Tomgirl Saga]] was accompanied by a change to garb that may have been more feminine, but was equally cheap and hideous.

==Pre-tomgirl fashion sense==
=== Childhood ===
[[Image:Ernie.jpg|thumb|200px|Ernie also enjoys "The Classic".]]

In his youth, Chris set the general tone for years to come with many striped polos, T-shirts, and khaki pants. The only difference compared to adulthood is that he sometimes dared to wear single-colored shirts with his favorite [[Sonic the Hedgehog|game]] and [[television]] characters on them. The only article of clothing he was seen in until the summer of [[2010]] that didn't follow the "long-sleeved, colorful clown suit" theme was the [[Pokémon]] T-shirt that he owned since he was 19. Being yellow, it did not look particularly good on him.

=== Trademark clothing ===
[[File:Classic post-fire 2.jpeg|thumb|left|200px|The Classic, pictured in [[April 2017]], after Chris recovered it from the hoard.]]
[[File:Chrischan5.jpg|thumb|200px|Artist's vision of Chris's typical outfit, featuring "the Horizontal Horror".]]

This is the original and most iconic look of Chris, the standard until mid-2011. It is a look immortalized in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comic book]] self-insertion. His outfit usually consisted of:
* His [[The Classic|favorite shirt]], a [[Chris and brand loyalty|Ralph Lauren]]<ref>In [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt]], Chris claims the polo is actually a Ralph Lauren.</ref> Rugby Stripe Sueded Polo, which was so tight that it accentuated his voluptuous, masculine bosoms. This is the shirt that Chris almost invariably drew himself wearing in the comics. Trolls came to call it the "clown shirt" or "The Classic". It was thought destroyed in the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|2014 fire]] that gutted the Chandler house,<ref>[[eBay]] comment: "I lost the shirt in the fire" http://contact.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ShowAllQuestions&iid=191232666489&requested=jesusguidesme2&redirect=0&frm=2047675&ShowASQAlways=1&ssPageName=PageAskSellerQuestion_VI</ref> but later [[eBay#The Classic shirt|resurfaced for sale in 2017]], when Chris listed it for a minimum price of '''$12,000''' due to the [[Financhu Crisis]]. He had found it in a bag of damp, moldy clothes, wet from the water the firefighters had used to extinguish the flames when his house burned three years prior. He washed it, and then wore it for the first time in years when he uploaded [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt]].
* His [[medallions]] (sporadically) and his [[High School Ring]].
* A pair of [[pedo-glasses]] attached to a chain.
* Jeans or khaki slacks. Chris's jeans typically defined his rear end to a disturbing level — he may have been wearing women's jeans, or he may have been simply wearing pants his gut long ago outgrew.
* The [[Belt Buckle of Fail]].
* Alternatively, a green terrycloth bathrobe with a mismatched (of course) black belt on occasions when he's [[April 16 Fetish Vids|in the mood]] for [[recycling]], or when even getting dressed would involve too much [[stress]].
* On occasion, a dark suit jacket, perhaps for [[Chris and death|funerals]] or [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].
* During the winter months, a dark blue parka with orange and yellow stripes to enhance visibility.
* Starting in late [[2009]], a [[bra]] to keep the previously mentioned bosoms in check.

===The "IBA" outfit===
[[File:The Chronicles Of Chris-Chan- They see me trollin, they laughin'... -7-17-09-.mp4 20140516 130015.190.jpg|thumb|The "IBA" outfit.]]
In mid-[[2009#June|June 2009]], roughly around the time he made certain friends, Chris temporarily decided that his current look was old hat. He got rid of many of the striped shirts (mostly because he couldn't fit into them anymore) and grew a goatee.

The reformed Chris's wardrobe consisted of:

*Sunglasses over normal glasses (glasses chain remains)
*T-shirt over long sleeved shirt.
*Goatee.
*Tattoo sleeves
*A black vest that was too small for his girth.

His new attire was first properly presented to the world in the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video.

Soon afterward, however, he went back to sporting his traditional clown shirts, and claimed that he had been pressured into making the Rollin' and Trollin' video. However, on the same day he [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back|shaved his beard]], he drew the first picture of [[Collosal Chan]], a character which preserved the look for all eternity.

===The "Gay Trucker" outfit===

[[Image:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Notice how his pose in this picture is eerily reminiscent of his pose in [[ShecameforCWC.jpg]].]]

After he promised to leave the [[Internet]] in the spring of [[2010]], Chris threw away his clown shirts, ditched the medallion for several months (it returned in [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|September]]), and picked up a new wardrobe in an attempt to look like a normal person. This included a denim jacket from Goodwill that he cut the sleeves off of, making it look somewhat like a [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gilet gilet].<ref>[[Kacey Call 2]]</ref> The result was a modified version of the IBA outfit. It has been observed that when Chris tries to look like a bad boy, he ends up looking like a [[Truck Driver|gay trucker]], hence the trolls' term for his new wardrobe.

The only way he could have made it look gayer would have been by combining it with his muscle bra. Which, unfortunately, he did. [[Fridays After Five|And in public]]. At this point, going back to the medallion would have actually ''improved'' his chances of picking up [[gal-pals]].

[[File:EnjoyVagaina.jpg|thumb|left|Deftly combining what Chris [[Coke|has too much of]] and what he [[China|will never have]] [[Facebook#An Open Note (4/13/2012)|with a non-prostitute]].]]

With the arrival of the gay trucker outfit also came an interest in T-shirts that boldly expressed Chris's desire for sex, often in exceedingly tasteless ways. The first clear look at one of these shirts was in a [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|profoundly disturbing video]] leaked in late [[April 2010]] which featured Chris wearing a [[parody]] shirt that changed the Mountain Dew logo so it read "Mount and Do Me". Fans hoped that since this was a private video for a potential sweetheart, Chris didn't intend to dress like that outside his [[bedroom]]. Alas, Chris destroyed any hope of that being the case on 18 [[June 2010]] when he wore a shirt that said "Enjoy Vagina" to Fridays After Five – a '''public, ''family-oriented''''' concert. He topped this by pulling that shirt over his head and standing around in his muscle bra, on which he had written "WANT WOMAN!". The common belief was that these unfunny, sexually-themed shirts were the next evolution of the [[attraction sign]], a way for him to inform potential mates that he is available without ever having to talk to people, nor spend any effort in making a sign.

In late [[August 2010]], Chris returned to the Internet with a series of videos in which he sported simple, loose-fitting T-shirts. The effect was interesting, bringing him closer to normality than he'd been in many years. He was still a pale, sweaty, balding, fat, pathetically weak manchild, but in Ruckersville, that put him reasonably close to the mainstream.

A number of Chris's T-shirts appear to have been with him for a decade or more – a Manchester High shirt, a souvenir shirt from the BrickFest event in [[2000]], and a [[Pokémon]] trainer shirt from the Books-a-Million where Chris played [[card games]] between [[1998]] and 2000. Either he's willing to keep shirts that have some personal significance around for a very long time, or his packrat tendencies prevent him from throwing any of them away.
{{clear}}

===The [[Carlos Chantor]] outfit===
[[File:Chantor.jpg|thumb|His best outfit yet. Too bad it did not last.]]

A single picture of Chris posing as a male prostitute was posted on Escorts.com. It is significant because it implies that Chris can dress like a normal human being if he wants to remain inconspicuous.

The black shirt and sunglasses he is wearing are never seen in any later pictures.
{{clear}}

==Transgender fashion sense==
===Early tomgirl fashion===
{{main|Tomgirl Saga}}

[[Image:TG19.jpg|thumb|He made himself into a [[sweetheart from the ground-up]].]]
[[File:TG10.jpg|thumb|Would you fuck me? [[It's not that cold|I'd fuck me]]. I'd fuck me HARD.]]
[[File:Chris_at_a_gay_bar.jpg|thumb|A hemline this high leaves little to the imagination.]]

In [[April 2011]], a series of leaked pictures showed Chris dressed in women's clothing in public. This outfit consisted of:

* Bright green nail polish
* Earrings (a purple glass stud and a blue ring) - Note that piercing the right ear is traditionally code for [[Homos|homosexuality]]; guess which one Chris pierced twice?
* Women's sandals
* Blue eye shadow
* Jeans
* Blue string top
* Black thong
* A silver ring (Note that silver rings have been used to symbolize a pledge of [[F Abstinence|abstinence]] until [[Lovely Weather|marriage]])<ref>[[:File:TG6.jpg]] - Chris-Tran with his new silver ring</ref><ref>[http://www.silverringthing.com/ silverringthing.com]</ref>
* A red and blue sweater vest (tank top) with a red shirt underneath it
* Red lipstick
* A new pair of [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]]
* A new head-band (as seen in the [[Facebook]] pictures)

While not seen in the leaked images, Chris's posts in [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] revealed he also donned skirts and panties as part of his new look.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=20&p=162#p162 Re: Girly Things Tee Hee]</ref><ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=39&p=315#p315 Re: Mothers]</ref> In [[September 2011]], Chris was also photographed carrying a purse.

Chris was very happy with his new fashion choices, but friction with his parents made it difficult for him to wear makeup and women's clothing overtly. Sometimes he had to change after leaving the house or before returning (but he could always wear a bra and panties).<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 25]]</ref>

===Late transgender fashion===
[[File:CWC1214.png|thumb|150px|Chris in December 2014.]]
Chris continued to wear female clothing, albeit with some refinements, over the course of the next couple of years. Although he has long since dispensed with the clownish polo shirts and jeans, many characteristics of his tomgirl wardrobe are remarkably consistent with the way he dressed when he still wore men's clothing, especially in terms of color coordination and clothing size. He also remains committed to buying all his clothes from thrift stores, giving him the appearance of a dumpy bag lady. He summarized his style in [[November 2014]] as "colored leggings, denim skirts mini to knee length, bold colored shirts and blouses".<ref>[[Commissions#The Flufflehugs Commissions]]</ref> Some of the most frequent themes in his feminine fashion choices are:

* Clashing, violently-opposed colors (particularly red with blue or green)
* Clothing far too small for him
* Dresses or skirts with very high hems
* Leggings, to help with tucking
* Sports bras
* Big, floppy, church-lady hats
* Eye makeup, applied poorly and usually purple or blue in color

A deviation from this style was seen in the video of the [[26 December 2014]] incident, where Chris is shown in purple [[My Little Pony]] shades, (probably as a [[Honor roll|disguise]]); a silver headband, showing off his ever-receding [[hair|hairline]]; his Manchester High sweatshirt; short jeans matched with long, purple socks and/or [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|another pair of pants]]; and boots (possibly Uggs).

The fact that Chris wore skirts and makeup for each of his court hearings in 2015, even those to which [[Barb]] accompanied him, suggests that he consistently dresses this way in public, and that his mother has come to grudgingly accept her son's transgender attire.

In 2015, Chris also started dying his hair blue, but predictably failed to do it properly, and ended up dying it an ugly, seaweed green instead. Combined with his wardrobe that manages to somehow simultaneously resemble the attire of a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|5 year old girl]] and a [[Barb|65 year old cat lady]], the resulting look has been sardonically referred to by Kiwis as "mermaid grandma".

[[File:Chris at Target April 2019.jpg|thumb|right|200px]]Several photographs of Chris taken in early 2019 show him wearing an orange, white and blue striped shirt, including an eyewitness photo of him at a [[Get-Tar Region|Target]] store. Chris hasn't been seen wearing the shirt since April 2019, however, and its whereabouts are unknown.

===Gopnik outfit===
[[File:CWC Magfest Aftermath @BatteryEffect.jpeg|thumb|200px|left|"А ну, чики-брики!"]]
In [[December 2017]], Chris appeared in [[Cherokean Chant|a video]] dressed as a classic Russian [[Wikipedia:gopnik|''gopnik'']], wearing a striped black Adidas tracksuit jacket (with his usual ugly skirt) and cap, drinking a bottle of [[Alcohol|vodka]]. The full ensemble, as Chris wore for his famous appearance at [[MAGfest]] in [[January 2018]], consists of the cap, jacket (often unzipped over another shirt), and a pair of matching tracksuit pants (often under a skirt). However, he often swaps out the pants, and sometimes wears one element of the outfit on its own. Chris first wore the gopnik outfit under the [[Idea Guy]]'s influence, but seems to have adopted it as a mainstay of his wardrobe. In February 2018, he introduced a [[Christine Doll#Resurrection|new model of the Christine Doll]] with the tracksuit's stripes and logo painted on.

{{clear}}

==Headgear==
Since 2017, Chris has increasingly started wearing various tiaras (alongside his [[Sonichu Medallion]]) for his shenanigans both indoors and out.

<center><gallery>
File:Dailyprogress online cville pride cwc.jpg|The [[unicorn cosplay]] in summer 2017.
File:Sonichu standee 2.jpg|A [[Sailor Moon]] tiara in summer 2018.
File:Chris at Region 10.jpg|Sailor Moon tiara with headbands in summer 2018, at the [[Region Ten]] therapist office.
File:Chriswithbensaint.png|A [[CPU]] wire tiara in summer 2019.
File:CWC Discord selfie for VoidZine server.jpg|A crown for holding [[magic stones]] against his forehead in spring 2020.
</gallery></center>

==Chris on fashion==
[[File:CWC and FourScore64 Too Many Games.jpg|thumb|Chris in skirt and leggings, 2018]]
In [[November 2016]], Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Women should wear skirts|posted]] a commentary on women's fashion.

In it, Chris implored women to wear skirts with leggings instead of pants, saying to "view it from [[Attraction Sign|a pervert's perception]]: they eye downward and have Good view of the in-between, as well as easier access to picture it in their imaginations from there. With a dress or skirt concealing the area, it is actually more difficult for the perv, and, thus, more difficult to picture and imagine what is or isn't at the [[China|groin area]]."

He also requested men to consider wearing kilts - stressing to wear pants underneath, saying, "NOBODY is impressed with that [[Pickle|bulge]]; moreover it is Absolutely Offensive," which indicates that Chris has shifted from [[Brassieres For Males|obsessing over men's chests]] to obsessing over their crotches.

==Theory of fashion==
The clothes that Christian chooses seem almost like a costume for him, especially his infamous striped shirt. Given that he is autistic, observers speculate that he may have difficulty with identifying things visually, including himself. In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], he alluded to having to take time to study his appearance in a mirror, possibly wearing the shirt in question.

Chris seems to regard clothing and color as an integral part of peoples' identities. During the events of the [[Liquid Saga]], Chris took a special interest in [[Liquid Chris|Liquid]]'s choice of a brown striped shirt, referring to Liquid as a "Brown-Striped Impostor"<ref>[[SingStar Challenge]]</ref> and fixating on Liquid's shirt as a symbol of his inauthenticity, despite the fact that Chris [[hypocrisy|owns several brown shirts himself]]. Chris also believed that [[jerkops|police officers]] wearing brown or beige uniforms weren't authentic, and that true police officers only wear blue. He referred to the man he [[pepper spray]]ed as a [[Yellow-Shirted Foe]] – and let's not forget that the macing was inspired by Sega changing Sonic's arms from tan to blue.

Like many of his lifestyle changes which occurred during the Tomgirl Saga, Chris's unceremonious abandonment of his classic shirts came as a surprise to trolls who had spent years speculating on Chris's clothing as a symbol of his identity, and his usual resistance to change as a symptom of his autism. However, even in retrospect, Chris seems to hold the clothes he used to wear in very high regard as a symbol of his identity and legacy, as shown when he listed "The Classic" on eBay for a whopping $12,000. Writing after the end of the auction, Chris felt the need to commemorate the occasion with some words:<ref>[[April 2017 Facebook posts#Barb borrowed from life insurance]]</ref>

{{Quote|1=Yes, the shirt's auction has ended high, but I am still awaiting payment from the mother of one of my fans, who, unless remains anonymous, will have her name go down in History for not only restoring a very Iconic Artifact, but also improves this artist's family's life, After the restoration and disinfection of the shirt. Her most grateful son will be proud of her for having gone down in history for Restoring the Fire-Survivor Iconic Shirt of Sonichu and Rosechu's Creator. Thank You, Missus.|2=Chris|3=on why history books should remember the momentous occasion wherein a retard bought a moldy piece of cloth from another retard}}

Not only is this statement [[Chris and his Ego|extremely egotistical]] even by CWC's standards, it also betrays the fact that Chris continues to treat a shirt that he let rot in a plastic bag for two years with an undue amount of gravitas. It seems that Chris views the clothing he has worn over the course of his life, much like [[Christopher's name change#Christopher as a separate personality|the various names he has had]], as an important symbol of his identity as it has twisted and changed. Because autistics are known to place extreme importance on inanimate objects, this can be seen as standard autistic behavior.

==Wardrobe==
Below is a gallery of most of Chris's wardrobe, prior to the Tomgirl Saga, along with links to the videos they appeared in:
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Christshirt1.png|"[[The Classic|The Classic]]" [[So Need a Cute Girl|1]] [[Harvey Birdman Commercial|2]] [[Pixelated PS3|3]] [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|4]] [[CWC is Angry|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|6]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 18th, 2009|7]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 19th, 2009|8]] [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|9]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|10]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2009|11]] [[SingStar_Challenge#Watch|12]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|13]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 4|14]] [[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC|15]] [[Sign Destruction Video|16]] [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|17]] [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt|18]]
Image:Christshirt4.png|"The Advice Dog" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate Columbus Day, 2008|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 6th, 2009|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009|4]] [[12 January 2010|5]] [[14 January 2010|6]] [[What's the Name, Christian Chandler, C H R I S C H A N|7]] [[15 January 2010|8]] [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|9]]
Image:Christshirt3.png|"[[Liquid Chris|The Impostor]]" [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|1]] [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|2]]
Image:Christshirt5.png|"The Napoleon" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 17th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 4th, 2009|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|3]] [[Challenge for Clyde II|4]] [[15 October 2009|5]] [[9 December 2009|6]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|7]] [[22 January 2010|8]] [[I am Alive|9]] [[100 2269|10]] [[A Hike|11]]
Image:Christshirt6.png|"The Racing Stripe" [[I am STRAIGHT|1]] [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|2]] [[Congrats, Jack Black|3]] [[ECV 00002|4]] [[100 2278|5]]
Image:Christshirt7.png| "The Power Ranger" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008|1]] [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC|2]] [[LOOK at the truth!|3]]
Image:Christshirt8.png| "The Dunwich Horror" [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 12th, 2009|1]] [[More for the crabs|2]] [[ECV 00081|3]] [[Bunny Hop|4]] [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5]] [[CWC address to Royal Board|6]] [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|7]] [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|8]]
Image:Christshirt10.png|"The Two-Face" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 23rd, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 3rd, 2009|2]] [[Wigwam|3]] [[WeighIn|4]] [[Chris Sings Lovin' You|5]]
Image:Christshirt11a.png|"The Poké-Master" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 6th, 2008|1]] [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt12.png|"The Horizontal Horror" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 8th, 2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt13a.png|"The Jerkop" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 13th, 2008|1]] [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt14.png|"The Greasy Flag" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 6th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 9th, 2009|2]] [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy|3]] [[Matthew 5 27, CWC Confessions|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 22nd, 2009|6]] [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts|7]] [[9 October 2009|8]] [[Warning - Naughty Women ;)|9]] [[Old Time Rock and Roll on Shredwud|10]] [[Brutal Legend|11]] [[3 December 2009|12]]
Image:Christshirt18.png|"The Star Fleet Captain" [[CWC More Than A Feeling|1]]
Image:Christshirt17.png|"The Scuderia Autistirarri" [[Chris's Big Night Out|1]] [[10 September 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt19.png|"The Flag-Waving Patriot" [[Chris Destroys His Vibrator|1]] [[A CWC Audition|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|3]] [[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters|4]] [[Challenge for Clyde|5]] [[Brutal Legend Plus|6]] [[For_Chris#IBA.27s_video|7]] [[IPods Down and Listen Up|8]] [[Hello, Juffalo|9]] [[9 February 2010|10]]
Image:Christshirt20.png|"The Captain Falcon" [[Down with Asperchu|1]] [[CWC Update 18 March 2009 More Updated|2]] [[F Abstinance|3]]
Image:Christshirt21.png|"The DangerStripe" [[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora|1]] [[CWC is Sad|2]] [[Address to my CWCipedia SysOP|3]] [[This was my fault|4]] [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|5]]
Image:Christshirt22.png|"The Cyclone Joker" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009|1]] [[CWC Callout for Miss Emily and Stephanie|2]] [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|3]] [[A message to the Trolls|4]] [[Don't Mess With Me|5]]
Image:ChrisShirt43.png|"The Swamp Monster" [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 20th, 2009|1]] [[I like Mary Poppins|2]] [[DayOut|3]] [[FullHouse|4]] [[100 2357.MOV|5]]
Image:Christshirt23.png|"The Traffic Light" [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|1]] [[A Sonichu Day|2]] [[Shout out to Fans in Hospital|3]] [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|4]] [[Kill De Jack|5]]
Image:ChristshirtPoke.png|"The Manchild" [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|1]] [[Magical Man Potion|2]] [[ItIsFinished.MOV|3]] [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt28.png|"The Rugby of Shame" [[Christian's Update 11 September 2008|1]]
Image:Parappashirt.png|"The [[PaRappa the Rapper|PaRappa]] Shirt" [[51 50|1]] [[Chris with Teen Troon Squad|2]]
Image:Christshirt42.png|"The Statesmen" [[10252009 For Kacey|1]] [[To Clyde Gregg|2]] [[For Chris II|3]]
Image:sportsbra.png|"The [[Muscle bra|Muscle Bra]]" [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|1]] [[100 2265|2]] [[ECV 00001|3]] [[Pregnant Act|4]]
Image:sportsbra2.png|"The Muscle Bra 2" [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|1]] [[WelcometoBollywood|2]]
Image:Christshirt27.png|"The Dirty Dashiki" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 8th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009|2]] [[CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 4th, 2009|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 26th, 2009|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|6]] [[Challenge for Clyde II|7]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|8]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|9]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|10]] [[I am Alive|11]]
Image:Christshirt37.png|"The [[Homos|Mount and Do Me]]" [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|1]]
Image:Christshirt25.png|"The [[Duck]]ie Shirt" [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|1]] [[Secret Weapon|2]] [[YouTube Finale|3]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 5|4]]
Image:Christshirt26.png|"The Shamrock Shake" [[An Official Sonichu Update|1]] [[Sonichu Game Talk|2]] [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls|3]]
Image:Christshirt29.png|"The Shamrock Stripes" [[Chris Sex Videos|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 7th, 2009|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 12th, 2009|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 13th, 2009|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 20th, 2009|5]] [[Clyde Cash the kid video|6]] [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4|7]]
Image:Christshirt31.png|"The Burgundy Nightmare" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 8th, 2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt32.png|"The Burgundy Nightmare Redux" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 15th, 2009|1]] [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|2]]
Image:Christshirt33.png|"The Bumblebee" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt35.png|"The Intimidator" [[Chris Calls Clyde Out|1]] [[I Love You Kacey|2]] [[10242009|3]] [[29 January 2010|4]] [[C-Ya Later|5]] [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|6]] [[Pregnant Act#The Remake|7]]
Image:Christshirt38.png|"The [[Rainbow]] Flag" [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|1]]
Image:Christshirt30.png|"The Big Green" [[We're Being Watched|1]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|2]]
Image:Christshirt41.png|"The White Trash" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 29th, 2009|1]] [[War Paint Video|2]] [[Some Favored Comedians|3]] [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt45.png|"The Happy Jack" [[CWC Dare|1]] [[June062010.MOV|2]] [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|3]] [[XBox is OK.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt46.png|"The Bordeaux Butcher" [[Apology to Emily|1]]
Image:Christshirt40.png|"The Ivory Poacher" [[25 September 2009|1]]
</gallery>
</center>

==Cross-dressing Boutique==
Chris has ditched the clown shirts, instead opting for an arguably worse wardrobe, see below:
<center>
<gallery>
Image:The Clopper.PNG|"The Clopper" [[Paid Video Requests#Josh Lover of men|1]] [[Announcement 07202016|2]] [[Paid Video Requests#Copypasta: Sexual Helicopter|3]] [[Paid Video Requests#Happy Birthday, Nathan.|4]]
Image:White tomgirl with Heart design.png|"The Shattered Heart" [[Announcement 06292016|1]] [[Unicorns Rainbows and a Bluebird of Happiness Chapter 3|2]] [[Rainbows Unicorns and a Bluebird of Happiness Chapter 4|3]] [[August 2016 Paid Video Requests#Singing "All of the Lights"|4]]
Image:imdoneadulting.png|"The Broken Brony"
 [[The_Alpha_Trion/"Young_Warrior"_Challenge|1]]
Image:thepromoter.png|"The Promoter" [[Update_02/16/2016|1]]
Image:sonicrainboom.png|"The Sonic Rainboom" [[Jungle bells|1]] [[Holiday_Greetings_to_Karen_Riley|2]]
Image:thehappyhag.png|"The Happy Hag" [[Update_01/12/2016|1]] [[Apologies_for_offending_people|2]] [[Doxing_Jeff/Francine|3]] [[Eid,_Pmurt,_Eid|4]] [[Embargo_Update_12/2/2015|5]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|7]] [[GameStop_is_UNFAIR_to_Everyone;_Not_Just_Me!|6]] [[Happy_Birthday,_Martin.|8]] [[Happy_Pokémon_Day.|9]] [[HelloLadyFans|10]] [[I%27m_sick;_we_need_money_donations;_no_video_requests_for_a_while|11]] [[I_Am_me;_He_is_not|12]] [[Jeff_is_Beyond_Denounced.|13]] [[Lesbian_Sleepover_Party_Announcement.|14]] [[Lesbian_Sleepover_Party_Announcement.|15]] [[Reading:_"A_Girl_Who_Brought_Down_the_World",_"And_Apparently_Survived_a_Housefire"|16]] [[September_2016_Paid_Video_Requests|17]] [[Thank_You_from_Christine_Chandler|18]] [[Twelve_New_and_Old_Things_of_Christmas|19]] [[Update,_1/22/2016,_and_new_items_for_Cwcville_Shopping.|20]] [[Update_01/12/2016|21]] [[Update_1/25/2016|22]] [[Yes,_it_still_has_been_I,_Christine_Weston_Chandler,_who_has_been_uploading_the_videos_personally.|23]]
Image:thedealmaker.png|"The Deal Maker" [[Proposition_to_Sega|1]] [[Announcement_04/16/2016|2]]
Image:bubblegumnightmare.png|"The Bubblegum Nightmare" [[Live_Game_Stream_-_C-Log_050032017-2|1]] [[Chris's Last Will and Testament|2]]
Image:toothpastetube.png|"The Toothpaste Tube" [[Live_Game_Stream_-_C-Log_050032017-2|1]] [[CLog_07142017_-_Rainbow_Colouring|2]]
Image:ManchesterSweaterFixed.png|"The Manly Chester" [[I Love You, Catherine|1]] [[26_December_2014#Video|2]]
Image:Bigbaggyblue.png|"The Big Baggy Blue" [[CLog_07072017|1]] [[I need some local C64 Tech Help, Please|2]]
Image:MANCHILDMELTDOWN.png|"The Manchild Meltdown" [[I_Am_Sick_of_the_HATE!!!_(I_could_use_a_break)|1]] [[Apologies to the liked Bronies and Pegasisters; PLEASE UNBLOCK ME ON TWITTER!|2]]
</gallery>
</center>

{{Illustrations}}

==Other aspects of his Fashion sense==
===Custom-painted shoes===
[[File:Painted shoes finished.jpg|thumb|250px|Spray-painted in Sonichu's colors.]]
[[File:SoniShoes.jpg|thumb| In [[May 2020]] after being sold to [[Jacob Sockness]]]]
Chris wears shoes that he sloppily spray-paints blue and yellow. He demonstrated his technique in [[Shoe Colouring]]. They would later be sold to [[Jacob Sockness]] on 12 March 2019.

{{clear}}

===Wrist warmer===
[[Image:Wrist Warmer.jpg|thumb|Wrist warmer]]

{{quote|Yes, it is a part of my necklace; it's a "[[Wikipedia:Wilson Sporting Goods|Wilson]]" wrist-warmer I use to cover the discomfort of the number of Links back there.|Chris<ref>Email from Chris posted in old [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]] thread 162</ref>{{PublicSource}}}}

Chris likely wears this article to counter [[Wikipedia:Sensory defensiveness|sensory defensiveness]], a condition common among autistics, in which a normally harmless sensation directly triggers a fight-or-flight reaction.

===Fanny pack===
[[Image:0226-ChristianWMrsSanford.jpg|thumb|left|Chris and [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|Mrs. Sanford]].]]
[[Image:0565-CWCKellieGrads.jpg|thumb|Chris with [[Kellie Andes]]. Chris would have, for the first time in his life, looked like he dressed sharp, if it wasn't for the fanny pack. Note the award that Kellie is holding.]]

A fanny pack (known as a "bum bag" in the British Commonwealth) is a small fabric pouch secured with a zipper and worn by use of a strap around the hips or waist. Fanny packs reached the peak of their popularity in the late 1980s and early-to-mid 1990s, and were considered to be a fashion faux pas until the late 2010s.<ref>http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/beauty/once-reviled-fanny-packs-get-a-high-fashion-makeover-and-an-even-higher-pricetag-2452640#photoViewer=1</ref> Naturally, Chris wore them throughout the 1990s and 2000s.

===Cosplaying===
{{main|Chris and cosplaying}}
{{clear}}

== Sources ==
<references />

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]

Chris's Last Will and Testament

2020-08-10T00:01:33Z

Hallowed Ween: tweaked the transcript

{{Protip|Chris is not going to kill himself, so stop saying that.}}
{{ongoing}}
'''Chris's Last Will and Testament''', titled by Chris as '''IMG_0176.MOV''', is a video produced by Chris and uploaded to his Google Drive in the evening hours of 6 [[August 2020]]. Chris, under [[Spirit possession|the possession of Sonichu]], prepares to leave his belongings to [[MKRNightVee]] and Kai/Kevin Fairchild in the case of his death or disappearance to dimension [[C-197]]. Throughout the video, Chris repeatedly breaks the kayfabe of LARPing as Sonichu delivering Chris's will and instead refers to himself in first-person.

==Background==
A [[User:Ihasnoname|CWCki editor]] released the video by making a page on this wiki with the following text:<ref>[[Last will and testament? CwC as Sonichu leaves a message to Kai/Kevin Fairchild due to a 'premonition']]</ref>

{{quotebox|August 6th 2020 cwcs new best irl and [[Dungeons and Dragons|d&d]] <nowiki>friend has cwc isolated in a discord server. Luckily one of cwcs close friend's got me in the server out of genuine concern (thanks) which after watching this video you too may feel a similar unease. Caution: Intense & sad. https://drive.google.com/file/d/185tEr63kYq_oa64y8ojQF-jZ4o-5nNeY/view?usp=drivesdk</nowiki>

<nowiki>Link to the server with Kai & cwc. https://discord.gg/WvAQErG</nowiki>

<nowiki>For the record the power's to be were warned about Kai/Kevin Fairchild; To be fair fact is on paper cwc is legally an adult. Regardless Kai has already taken money from cwc for 'groceries' and 'raid shadow legends' purchases. Kai/Kevin has gotten cwc into Egyptian Myths Kai even claims he's married to the goddess Isis to name one. link title Source <img src="content://com.samsung.android.memo/file/d7faf221-a884-d146-0000-0173c768367d" orientation="0" altText="Screenshot_20200806-185241_Messages.jpg.png" width="608" /></nowiki> Ongoing..}}

==Legal Worth==
Unsurprising, this video is worth little in terms of being an actual will. For one, a will must be in writing (Virginia allows handwritten wills if two disinterested parties can attest to the authenticity of the handwriting), have two competent witnesses (who are not beneficiaries), and be notarized to begin to be valid. Even if Chris supplemented the video with the required paperwork, the will could easily revoked on the grounds that Chris was not sound of mind or under duress when making the will.<ref>https://eforms.com/wills/virginia-last-will-and-testament-template/</ref>

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = IMG_0176.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|icv7RQ9HPQg}}
| stardate = 6 [[August 2020]]
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{Bubblegumnightmare|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Analysis_Anarchy_Reaction_Livestreams#Watching_TF2_Analysis_Anarchy_Red_Vs_Blue_Part_3|Watching TF2 Analysis Anarchy Red Vs Blue Part 3]]
}}

==Transcript==

''[Chris is sitting at a desk in his room with the camera on it, showing him from his shoulders up.]''

Hmm, hello, this is... Hello! This is Sonichu in... ''[takes off glasses]'' the body of mama, Christine Weston Chander Sonichu. Ok, Chris-Chan Sonichu.

Anyway, I am recording this, as a video will, with my wife Rosey-Rosechu standing next to me, for in the oca- for in the event, anything happens to me, ''[points at himself]'' in this, one body, that belongs to mama Chris-Chan, if anything happens, including, the very likely just ''[poof]'', [[Dimensional_Merge|vanish from this dimension]], this body and me? And, this house gets left behind, and, anything else that happens and transpire in this timeline, before the timeline changes, I wish to hereby, bequeath, all my remaining posse- all of... the remaining possessions between mine, and mama's that are in, and aro- this household, in- within the area of this [[14 Branchland Court|Temple]]...

I relinquish all- I will relinquish all that... to [[MKRNightVee|Meghan Kathleen Ringo]], who lives in the state of, Washington ''[Nervously licks his lips]''... so, simply, she will- simply, sh- had to be sure to come over to come, to help, sort things out, and if she f- if she feels like it she can move in and help- as well, but that's a whole 'nother thing. That's a FAN going ''click-click-click-click-click-click'' the air conditioner just died out, so ''[shrugs]'' I had to take that as a sign.

Uh, anyway- aside from that, um, also, another note... that's set, but I would also... like to... also help out around the house, who lives here within the state of Virginia, one, Kevin Fairchild, who lives in [[Dox|Fisherfield]], I'd like him to... [[Barbara]]! You're gonna [[ego#Entitlement|let him]] move in! You're gonna let him move in, he gonna help you with any remaining things, and artifacts within this house. And, Meghan you'll have to work with him as well, he's very genuine, very kind, I believe you both will get along very well.

And this, will definitely work out because you know me, I'm going, into [[C-197]] ''[Points to C-197]'', our alternate dimension, and I'm gonna end up, uh, powering up this body, unlocking its- all of its alternate forms, and everything... I'm- you know me I'm a little bit ''[Shrugs right shoulder suggestively]'' this BRAIN IS SO DISORGANISED!!! ''[Bangs the side of his head with the heel of his hand]'', so body language is not exactly shyn-- syncing up at times. But yeah... anyway, everything goes to... everything of- Chris- everything of... mine and Christine Weston Chandler Shonichu's ''[Makes hand gestures]'', they go to... Meghan Kathleen Ringo, and... I want Kevin Fairchild to come and move in, as well, because Barbara's gonna need as much help as possible, on the event that this house, this Temple, just stays behind, while, if the event that I ''[Points at himself]'' just suddenly vanish, without this house ''[Adjusts hair]'' and leaving it and everything else behind, and in that case also, uh, being obvious, this body would not stand by because it's [[ego|ONE AND ONLY]] it's, one and only, the eyes, linked to this one brain! If you only knew, camera, ''[slurs a string of zeroes of indeterminate length, whilst making a "continuing to infinity" gesture]''... of everybody else, the TRUE first person perspective. ''[grasps a lock of his hair in each hand]''

So many things in my mind, so please pardon me if I seem a little bit erratic, but... This is my, last video will, and testament, on behalf of, Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu, who was born as [[Christopher's name change|Christopher Weston Chandler]], to Barbara and [[Robert]] Chandler in this dimension, in this timeline. I'll leave you all with that, and, the attorney, who will handle the... case and all that, and, helping... them at all, or, anybody else helping them get situated with the situation and all that, so, thank you.

==External Links==
[https://gofile.io/d/grJzNG Download video]

==References==
<references/>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Analysis_Anarchy_Reaction_Livestreams#Watching_TF2_Analysis_Anarchy_Red_Vs_Blue_Part_3|Watching TF2 Analysis Anarchy Red Vs Blue Part 3]]|nextlink=}}
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2020]]

User:Hallowed Ween

2020-07-30T09:11:13Z

Hallowed Ween:

{{ViolentlyUnfunnyPieceOfShitWithASmallPenis}}

Yes, it's a halloween pun. [[Lie|Yes,]] I realize what I'm [[Ween|implying]] by referring to myself as a ween, [[BlueSpike|one that is worshipped no less]] (sorry i just made that link for a joke i wasn't serious in calling them a ween [[TRUE and HONEST|i think they were very effective]] please don't [[Death threats|hurt my family]]). Not expecting [[Sweet, Sweet Sex|recognition,]] so it kind of rules out the possibility of being a ween but then again it probably isn't helping my case that [[Autism|I'm trying to disprove accusations that were never brought against me.]] [[Homos#Past_homophobia|At least not at time of writing this.]] Like [[Megan|many]] [[Doopie|of]] [[Julay|you,]] [[List of good jokes made by Hallowed Ween|I came for CWC.]] Wow, that was a lot of links [[Ween|I]] [[Weening#Examples_of_weening|put in.]]

CWCki [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit]] of which I am proud:

>Not banned yet

>[[April_2018_social_media_posts#Chris_is_a_cunt|Added Chris's tweet apoligizing for being a cunt]]

>Started the [[Dimensional Merge]] page, albeit as a redirect, which got linked to in another page ''before'' becoming its own page

Sonichu 8

2020-04-30T06:48:20Z

Hallowed Ween: TV-14 edition is MIA

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{deadLinks}}
{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #8
| cover = Sonichu8.jpg
| coverdate = 20 August 2008
| finishedcomic = 1 January 2009 (revised 10 [[July 2019]])
| pagecount = 101
| episodes = 17-18
| sub-episodes = 3
| previous = [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]]
| next = [[Sonichu 9|Sonichu #9]]
}}{{Honest}} 

'''''Sonichu'' #8''' is the ninth comic in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic series]]. Based on the cover, this was originally planned as a [[Rosechu]] Spring Break special, featuring both [[Blanca Weiss]] and her character [[Jiggliami]] as introduced in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]. However, by [[August 2008]], Chris's focus was entirely on the [[trolls]], and that greatly altered the shape of this issue.

Chris unveiled Episode 17 in September 2008 without having first completed the entire issue, in a break from the established tradition. Rather than featuring a Spring Break story, Episode 17 presents a story of [[Sonichu]] and Rosechu fucking until they discover ''slanderous mislabelings'' on a website called [[4-cent_garbage.com]], whereupon Rosechu poses for nude photos of herself to prove that she doesn't have a penis. The rest of the comic deals with the Spring Break element as a means to psychotically address the relationship statuses of the Sonichus and Rosechus. Even though Chris had temporarily stranded his comic self in the [[Time Void]] as to focus his attention on Sonichu, it instead treats all the hedgehogs as more of an ensemble cast, which would take hold for the rest of the series.

In the end, the long-awaited Spring Break story would appear as Episode 18, although it would not be completed for several more months following [[Blanca]]'s betrayal of Chris, his subsequent [[Stress|depression]], and the massive distraction provided by playing ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''. Chris would not return to work on the comic until he was told of a boy named [[Ryan Cash]] who, despairing of ever seeing his beloved ''Sonichu'' comics again, committed suicide. Ryan's tragic story, and the sadness of his mourning brother [[Clyde Cash]], prompted Chris to redouble his efforts, and Rosechu finally got to go on Spring Break in the dead of winter.

''Sonichu'' #8 proved to be widely condemned, primarily due to the hardcore sex scenes between Sonichu and Rosechu, who had previously been described as being 16 and 15, respectively. Chris rushed to include scenes in this issue that would firmly establish both characters as being of legal age to avoid accusations of child pornography.

==Development==
A few months before Episode 18, several plot points were leaked in [[Chris Sex Logs|audio conversations]] Chris had with his then-sweetheart.
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==Public Service Announcement==
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|right|thumb|The disclaimer, as it appeared originally.]]
Before the prologue, Chris has a page dedicated to a disclaimer by [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]. Rosechu assures their readers that she and Sonichu are both over 18, and they like to 69. She then promotes safe sex. Sonichu then promotes Chris's warped morals about sex education.
{{clear}}

==Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage"==
===Prologue===
{{Resources
| title = Prologue
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.522346341193183.1073741841.100002534669114&type=3 ''Episode 17''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_1 ''Episode 17''
| videobook =Sonichu_8_Official_Videobook#Episode_17{{!}} ''Episode 17''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic9TVY7P1.htm ''Episode 17''
| audiobook =https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phFqXLjEt5s&list=PL12A55E9C82971031&index=23 ''Episode 17 (1 of 4)''
| audiobook2 =https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSw31YVQ_8c&index=24&list=PL12A55E9C82971031 ''Episode 17 (2 of 4)''
}}

The story opens with random proclamations from Chris:

*Sonichu turned 19 on March 17, [[2007]].
*Rosechu turned 18 on December 22, [[2006]].
*As of November 3, 2007, the pair have been living in a house in the suburbs of [[CWCville]]. The house has been fully paid for with [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayer dollars]] (although new Mayor [[BILLY MAYS]] may revise this item in the CWCville budget to fund smoking and drinking laws.).

Worth noting is that Sonichu and Rosechu's house is yellow and pink, just like its occupants.

Inside, Sonichu shows off his bare ass to the reader, while Rosechu emerges from the bathroom in pink lingerie. The pair engage in disgusting pre-coital banter, which may even be post-coital since Rosechu suggests they just got done showering together. We also learn that Sonichu has a seven-inch (18 cm) cock, and requires "double-extra length" condoms for safe sex (but anyone who has ever paid attention in health class can tell you that regular-sized condoms can fit Sonichu perfectly).

The two monsters engage in what they call "Missionary Cowgirl", apparently unaware that these are two completely opposite sexual positions. Rosechu responds by saying, "I think I can hotshot. Insert rod 'A' into slot 'B'." (The slot line is [[Things Chris has ripped off|borrowed]] from an episode of ''[[Family Guy]]''.)

In a moment of illusory mercy, Chris interrupts the action to discuss the nature of Sonichu and Rosechu's reproductive organs. In fact, the reader is subjected to a new kind of horror, as Chris clumsily attempts to explain how naked cartoon characters can have tits and balls. For the most part, Sonichu/Rosechu biology is a sick parody of human anatomy, with the following key distinctions:

*A Rosechu's vagina or "[[china]]" is normally hidden from view by some hideous flap of skin, which recedes during urination, sexual arousal, or a "[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|psych-up]]" attack.
*[[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]] nipples appear only when aroused, "for sensual massage". This would mean that Rosechus can only nurse their young when horny.
*Rosechus possess a "V-shaped pouch" behind their vaginal opening, which apparently serves the same function as a human uterus.
*A [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]]'s penis and testicles reside entirely within its abdominal cavity. While the testicles are permanently contained behind a "bone-like structure" for protection, the penis can emerge for urination or intercourse when the Sonichu leans forward, causing the erect penis to "slide out" purely by gravitational force. This presumably means Sonichu must be erect to urinate.
*Sex may be painful for Rosechu the first time, even causing her to bleed from her hymen, but it soon begins to feel like "a sensual massage."
*Sexually transmitted diseases are unheard of in the Sonichu/Rosechu population, which makes sense, given that there are fewer than twenty of the little freaks, and most of them were created abiogenetically.
*If impregnated, the resulting zygote is gestated within the mother Rosechu for "a few months," after which the Rosechu deposits an egg outside of her body, and must keep it warm until the infant [[Sonee]] or [[Rosey]] hatches. This reveals that all Rosechus are [[Wikipedia:monotremes|monotremes]] (egg-laying mammals).
Chris also declares that "most" STIs can be treated and removed, although it is unclear if he is referring to human STIs or bug-eyed furfag STIs. He refers the readers to local libraries and the internet for more information and then returns to the hideous yiffing scene in the Sonichu household.

Chris treats the readers to a cock-eye view of Sonichu's penis falling out of his pelvis. As they 69 each other, Rosechu emits disgusting blue fumes from her ungodly orifice, which Sonichu appears to savor. Sonichu finally penetrates Rosechu with his sickening yellow member, and Chris depicts numerous scenes of past intercourse between the two wretched creatures. Grasping Rosechu's tail, Sonichu pounds away at Rosechu's gaping hole, until the two finally reach orgasm simultaneously.
{{clear}}
===Rage Against the Garbage===
{{Resources
| title = Rage Against the Garbage
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.522346341193183.1073741841.100002534669114&type=3 ''Episode 17''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_3 ''Episode 17''
| videobook =Sonichu_7_Official_Videobook#Part_3{{!}} ''Episode 17''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic9TVY7P2.htm ''Episode 17''
| audiobook =https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhqY2aJIwHQ&index=25&list=PL12A55E9C82971031 ''Episode 17 (3 of 4)''
| audiobook2 =https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01HCMw7LIk4&index=26&list=PL12A55E9C82971031 ''Episode 17 (4 of 4)''
}}
[[Image:Chris and Rule 34.jpg|thumb|300px|right|"[[Chris and art|They look so life-like.]]"]]
[[Image:Rosechustrips1.png|thumb]]
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|200px|right|"What a show!"]]
Twelve hours later, Sonichu seeks out even more putrid beast-sex from his sow, but Rosechu is too engrossed in her discovery of a website called [[4-cent_garbage.com]], which defames the good names of not only Sonichu and Rosechu, but their father [[Christian Weston Chandler (character)|Christian Weston Chandler]] as well. Rosechu shows Sonichu various drawings of them and their friends (in fact, the [[Rule 34]] images Chris himself uploaded to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]), and Sonichu mistakes them for photographs.

Also, note that to prove he isn't a [[homos|homo]], Chris drew Rosechu's breasts protruding, and only pages earlier, Chris said that Rosechus only do this when aroused, meaning that Rosechu is getting off to porn of herself and friends. Because that isn't weird at all!

Rosechu goes on to show him the "apex" of the site, referring to numerous drawings of herself with male genitalia. Overcome with nausea, Sonichu vomits. Unable to distinguish fantasy from reality, Sonichu insists that Rosechu is female, and cites her photoshoot in ''PokéBoy'' magazine as proof of her gender. Thinking that the dickgirl pictures were created by mistake rather than malice, Sonichu suggests they "prove" Rosechu's womanhood to 4-cent_garbage.com's staff in person. He nearly faints with weakness, and Rosechu puts him to bed to sleep off the trauma of seeing cartoon penises on the internet.

Incensed, Rosechu decides to retaliate by producing an amateur photoshoot and uploading it to [[4-cent_garbage.com]] to counter the dickgirl artwork. Her efforts are fruitless, however, as even more Rosechu-with-penis drawings are uploaded all the time. Rosechu decides to consult [[Bubbles]] and [[Angelica]] for help.

At 1:45 that afternoon, Sonichu, Rosechu, and [[Wild Sonichu]] are teleported to the 4-cent_garbage.com Building in Clarksville, Tennessee, courtesy of [[Magi-Chan]]. While Rosechu seeks to confront the [[Jason Kendrick Howell|head of the company]] and protest the website, Wild has been tasked with locating one of the [[Sonichu Balls]], which Magi-Chan detected inside (likely in some feeble attempt to tie this story into the overall plot). While Sonichu contacted the mysterious head of the company to make their appointment, the only name given was "Jason." In a pathetic attempt at subtlety, Chris depicts [[Thurston Howell III]] and his wife walking down the street to hint at Jason's full name.

For no reason whatsoever, Wild expounds upon his childhood, telling a tedious story about how his father, a [[Scyther]], was captured by poachers in the jungle. He makes clear that he intends to avenge his father's death, despite not having mentioned it for the last eight issues. Wild turns invisible (a skill he learned from a passing Porygon), and slips into the building.

Sonichu and Rosechu enter through the main door and find a [[Beel|demonic receptionist]] in the hellish atrium of the building. He rudely directs Sonichu to the 72nd floor (66+6). In the elevator, Sonichu angrily whines about the receptionist, until Rosechu reminds him of the [[story of Joseph]], and its moral of [[Death threats|forgiveness]].

As Sonichu and his pink cum-dumpster ascend the building in the elevator, they stop regularly to check out the [[4-cent_garbage#The_elevator_gags|strange things happening on every floor]]. Why Sonichu and Rosechu would stop at each floor to look at whatever's going on is never explained, but they clearly react to whatever they see, meaning that they must have pressed all the buttons on the elevator controls for no reason. Much of the material featured in these pages were images lifted directly from [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], whether Chris understood their context or not.

On the 36th floor, Wild finds a Sonichu ball in an empty room. Holding both of his Balls somehow prevents Wild from using his invisibility power, or contacting [[Magi-Chan]] for extraction. Wild is left with no choice but to sneak out of the building on his own, which is implied to be a feat of great difficulty despite the building containing a total of three adversaries.

On the 72nd floor, Sonichu and Rosechu confront Jason, who introduces himself as a 20-year-old [[troll]], and his companion [[Kathleen]] as his "minory 17-year old woman," with whom everything he does is "illegal in these 50 states". When he bids the Electric Hedgehogs to state their case, Sonichu delivers a moving speech to convince Jason that the website needlessly drags names through the mud and that it's morally wrong to troll innocent people. Jason responds by saying that the page will stay up forever.

Enraged, Sonichu attacks Jason, but he is no match for the troll's awesome powers. Rosechu elects to withdraw, preferring to forgive Jason since there is no reasoning with him. The two leave with their arms around each other, and Chris pointlessly interrupts the story to explain how the two crimes against nature can touch each other's spiny backs without getting hurt.

Adding insult to injury, Jason tosses a [[pickle]] at Rosechu, striking her on the back of the head. Pushed to the breaking point, Rosechu crushes the pickle, strips nude, and leaps into the air to attack Jason.

With ferocious roars (and a good deal of [[Things Chris has ripped off#Kekko Kamen|plagiarism]]), Rosechu lands pelvis-first on Jason's head, and wraps her tail and legs around his body, SHOVING his face up her [[China|vagina]]. With sadistic glee, she claws open his head and bites down on the wound, then unleashes a powerful burst of electrical power. Sonichu even says she "had him going." Though dark forces somehow sustain Jason's life, he admits that the attack would have otherwise been fatal. Exhausted, Rosechu gathers her clothes and leaves with Sonichu. While he is impressed with her display of raw fury, Rosechu is horrified at her primal rage and makes some mention that she "transformed" into "[[The Incredible Lioness|some monster]]," expressing concern that "this thing" won't overtake her again. If Sonichu were a better comic, this might be interpreted as foreshadowing, but since it's Chris, this event will never be mentioned again.

Outside, the three Hedgehogs reunite, and Magi-Chan teleports them back to [[CWCville]].
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===Epilogue===

Later, Rosechu hosts a gathering of other Rosechus to protest [[4-cent_garbage.com]] and uphold [[Women's rights]] by producing pornographic photoshoots. In addition to [[Bubbles]], [[Angelica]], and [[Lolisa]], the group is joined by [[Simonla Rosechu]], who supplies the backdrops for the shoot and volunteers her services as a model. The group is also joined by [[Zapina Rosechu]], a fourteen-year-old who desperately wants to [[pedofork|"volunteer her services of cuteness"]] to the project and join in the stripping fun. Citing "dumb" laws<ref>While many argue that Chris is referring to "dumb laws" against child pornography, it is plausible he's referring to "dumb" child labor laws which would prohibit Zapina from participating in setting up lights, cameras, etc. for the photoshoot. In any case, Chris thinks it's "dumb" that a fourteen-year-old can't work, sexually or otherwise.</ref>, Rosechu refuses her help, but Lolisa offers to supervise Zapina as she uses the light from her mutant ass to illuminate the photoshoot.
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===Advertisement===

Chris introduces the Knothole in an ad filled with [[random-access humor]]. Some might consider this a [[parody]] of a parody, which [[Parody#Hypocrisy|Chris feels is improper]]. However, Chris has cleverly pre-empted such accusations by labeling it a tribute, turning the tables on his critics with the power of his high-functional mind.
{{clear}}

==Episode 18:"Spring Break, 2008!"==
===Prologue===
{{Resources
| title = Prologue
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.522346341193183.1073741841.100002534669114&type=3 ''Episode 18''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_60 ''Episode 18''
| videobook =Sonichu_7_Official_Videobook#Episode_18{{!}} ''Episode 18''
| sonichusite =https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic9P33.htm ''Episode 18''
| audiobook =https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjBme409Hx0&index=27&list=PL12A55E9C82971031 ''Episode 18 (part 1 of 3)''
| audiobook2 =https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8TQ3vE7Z4U&index=28&list=PL12A55E9C82971031 ''Episode 18 (part 2 of 3)''
}}
[[Image:LikeFatherLikeSon.jpg|thumb|right|Sonichu squeezes and kisses Rosechu and leaves her feeling [[Megan|extremely uncomfortable]]. Like [[Christian Weston Chandler|father]], like son!]]
Apparently ''still'' concerned that someone will accuse him of being a [[Pedofork]], Chris establishes ''yet again'' that his characters are of legal age, this time by actually showing the birthday parties held for most of the main cast since Episode 17. Rosechu turns 19 on December 22, 2007. The [[Chaotic Combo]] turn 19 on February 2, 2008. Sonichu turns 20 on March 17, 2008.

Finally, [[Black Sonichu]] celebrates his birthday in a private get-together with [[Bubbles Rosechu]]. Blake disputes that he even has a birthday since he was cloned from Sonichu's [[Semen|DNA]] (and thus not born of a Rosechu's uterus, which is stupid because all the other Sonichus and Rosechus were hatched from fucking eggs anyway). Bubbles, however, insists that he is a 20-year-old "starting straight with a 2-year old body". Bubbles asks Blake what he wished for and he says "It's already come true", where Chris is either butchering the classic teen film "Sixteen Candles" or the Family Guy parody of it. The two kiss and Black Sonichu agrees to rendezvous with Bubbles at the CWCville Spring Break Concert on March 22.

Chris introduces Spring Break by ripping off a gag from a ''[[Family Guy]]'' episode, wherein Meg Griffin tries to ignore Spring Break by flipping channels, only to find that every station is covering Spring Break, including the news. Chris repeats the joke almost verbatim, except he fails to include anyone actually watching the television, rendering the joke incoherent. The scene is best remembered for the appearance of ''[[Excel-Saga|FQX]]'' newswoman Greta Squall, a hideously deformed woman with club-like arms and scars on her face which look like the numeral "2".
{{clear}}
===Spring Break, 2008!===
{{Resources
| title = Spring Break, 2008!
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.522346341193183.1073741841.100002534669114&type=3 ''Episode 18''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_66 ''Episode 18''
| videobook =Sonichu_7_Official_Videobook#Episode_18{{!}} ''Episode 18''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic9P2.htm ''Episode 18''
| audiobook =https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_85HJpRE_DA&list=PL12A55E9C82971031&index=29 ''Episode 18 (part 3 of 3)''}}
The story proper opens with [[KCWC]] DJs [[Jamsta Sonichu]] and [[Lolisa Rosechu]] covering the event.

{{quote|We have a lot of great events and giveaways goin' on here today. Thank our mayor, Mr. [[Christian Weston Chandler]] that [[CWCville]] is a clean city; nobody has to go home drunk or somkey! We've got coolers and kegs full of our famously delicious [[CWC-Cola]], Diet CWC-Cola, Lemonade, Grape and Orange Soda, compliments of our local CWC-Cola Bottling Company, founded and opened proudly in 1985; three years after CWCville was founded by our mayor's father, [[Bob Chandler|Robert Franklin Chandler, Jr.]] You can enter to win a 40-inch Sony HD-TV from Cwick-Circuit City, or drive home in a shiny new '08 Chevy Camaro Concept. Also tonight, our rising star, [[Jiggliami]] will be singing her debut single, "War of Love" on the concert stage here at CWCville Beach. So stay tuned to CWCville, [[Virginia]]'s number 1 radio station for all this and a lot more!|Jamsta Sonichu, desperately craving nicotine and liquor}}

Almost immediately, Lolisa excuses herself to take a swim.

On the stage, Jiggliami and [[Blanca]] eagerly await their performance. As in their appearance in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], both of them babble incoherently about their music. Blanca maintains that she will wait for Chris to return from the time void — ironic since Blanca had betrayed Chris long before this episode was uploaded to the internet.

On the beach, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] enjoy themselves. Like Franklin from [[Wikipedia:Peanuts|''Peanuts'']], characters with suntans are depicted with vertical lines for shading. When Chris does it, though, it just looks like the characters are shaking uncontrollably, teleporting, or just soaked with [[comeuppance|liquid]]. While Sonichu heads off to surf, the Rosechus lie on the beach.

Unprompted, Bubbles explains at length that she does not need sunscreen because she is incapable of tanning and impervious to sunburn. This has something to do with her being a Water-type Pokémon, her body being composed of 90% water (about the same as a watermelon), and her fur being capable of adapting itself to her surroundings. This rant comes despite no Rosechu or Sonichu ever being shown to tan, and how they would tan at all if covered in fur is anybody's guess.

The Rosechus notice a mysterious black Rosechu, and later catch up with [[Megagi]] and [[Bionic the Hedgehog]]. [[Sarah Jackson]] and [[PandaHalo]] make a cameo appearance as well.

Bubbles's sunbathing is interrupted when Magi-Chan contacts her to collect a Sonichu Ball from the ocean. Before she can get up to find the ball, Black Sonichu kicks sand on the girls. Rosechu threatens to attack him, but Bubbles offers to do it herself and pretends to force Black Sonichu away from the others. While she and Blake seem determined to hide their relationship, Rosechu and Angelica secretly know the truth and laugh at the transparency of Bubbles's ruse.

Chris incorporates a drawing of Sonichu surfing by PandaHalo, yet he manages to ruin the continuity by drawing in different colored water around the edges of the picture. Also, Sonichu wasn't wearing his shoes earlier, but Panda's drawing shows him wearing shoes.

Elsewhere on the beach, Bubbles tells Blake of her mission to find the Sonichu Ball, and they agree to meet at Pier 969 later for disgusting sex. Little do they know that the black Rosechu from before has eavesdropped on their conversation. As she transforms into a duplicate of Bubbles, Chris introduces her as [[Silvana Rosechu]] and explains that hers was the ''sixth'' egg that emerged from the [[Rainbow]] along with the five eggs that became the Chaotic Combo. Silvana's egg wound up on the Earth's moon (Chris predictably does not explain how) where [[Count Graduon]] somehow made telepathic contact with her in [[1980s#1989|1989]]. As Mewtwo mentored the infant Magi-Chan Sonichu, so did Graduon raise Silvana. In addition to training her in the ways of evil, Graduon "upgraded" Silvana to have both male and female genitalia, and enabled her to change her shape.

In the Atlantic Ocean, Bubbles searches for the Sonichu Ball, passing by fan-favorite character [[Yawning Squirtle]], among other crappily drawn Pokémon who sing the song "Under the Sea" from ''[[Things_Chris_has_ripped_off|The Little Mermaid]]'', yet another thing Chris has ripped off.

Magi-chan informs Bubbles that the Ball is claimed to be 5 miles (8 km) out to sea and, helpfully, "2,000-5,000 fathoms" (2.3 - 5.7 mi / 3,700 - 9,100 meters) below the surface, which is impossibly deep for Bubbles to dive (the deepest point of all the oceans is 6.8 mi / 10,900 meters). Chris likely used "fathom" (6 feet / 183 cm) as a measurement of depth without bothering to find out how big a fathom was.

Meanwhile, Black Sonichu buys condoms in anticipation of the nasty, dirty animal sex he intends to share with his revolting mate. Silvana, posing as Bubbles, meets him, and convinces him not to wear a condom. Blake agrees, never suspecting Silvana's power to ejaculate a "paralyzing sleep solution" during intercourse. At Pier 969, Blake humps the foul creature, never suspecting that cock is ramming up against Silvana's own penis, which is perhaps withdrawn inside her vagina. Blake passes out from the effects of Silvana's seed, and she teleports him to a closet in the CWCville Beach stage. From there, she returns to Pier 969 disguised as Black Sonichu and lays the same trap for Bubbles. What she had actually intended to "do'' after systematically seducing and subduing the various [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|recolors]] is never elaborated upon.

Before Bubbles goes to the pier, she hands off the Sonichu Ball to Angelica to ferry back to [[CWCville Mall]]. As she flies off, [[Punchy]] and Wild discuss their sex lives. Punchy wants to bang Angelica, and Wild seems uncertain what to do about his own loneliness. The two resolve to enroll in a Dating Education course offered at CWCville University, thus setting up the [[Sonichu 9|next shitty issue]].
[[File:BubblesXSilvana.jpg|thumb|Silvana's eventual goal.]]
At Pier 969, Bubbles meets Silvana, but before she can present her hindquarters for vomit-inducing copulation, she receives a telepathic message from Magi-Chan, warning her of the impostor. Why Magi-Chan knows the difference, and why he didn't warn Black Sonichu of the same thing, is left to the reader's imagination. Bubbles is skeptical at first, but Jiggliami calls to inform her that she has discovered Black Sonichu in the stage closet. When Black Sonichu himself warns her of the danger, the dumb slut finally begins to put two and two together. Bubbles exposes Silvana by asking her to attack her with Black Sonichu's electrical powers. Although Transform grants the user the ability to mimic all moves known by the target, Silvana instead opts to use her own psychic attack to simulate Blake's power, but Bubbles knows the difference. Silvana reveals herself and teleports away before Bubbles can avenge Blake's manhood. Horrified, she returns to Blake's side to comfort him.

That night, Jiggliami finally performs the damned song Chris had been promoting for four months. Chris credits Blanca Weiss for composing the lyrics on August 20, 2008, which contradicts the premise of Jiggliami performing the same song on March 22, 2008. Also, the song, "War of Love", makes no sense whatsoever, and resembles the sort of crap Chris writes all the time.

As an epilogue of sorts, Chris establishes that Blanca found "her boyfriend" and returned to her home state of Kentucky, despite previously establishing that she intended to wait for Chris to return from the time void. Acknowledging his own personal life, Chris briefly discusses the three [[Trolls|women]] he was involved with during the fall of 2008. Chris claims to have been uncertain about which one to pursue, and credits God and Jesus for eliminating two of them by having [[Optimus Prime]] kill [[Sarah Jackson]], and revealing the second to be in alliance with the trolls. Presumably, this is meant to refer to Blanca, even though Chris has depicted her as his girlfriend in this very story. The third woman, [[PandaHalo]], Chris declares to be his True Sweetheart, and the person he would promise his [[sex|first time]] to, although he would abandon her for dead within two months.

In a small note on the last page, Chris acknowledges the suicide of [[Ryan Cash]] and admits a modicum of responsibility for his death.
{{clear}}

==Alternate versions==

When originally uploaded to [[Sonichu.net]], Chris offered multiple versions of Episode 17, depending on which link the reader selected. These were based upon the rating system used for television content.

[[Image:TVMA.jpg|48px|left]] '''TV-MA''': The uncut version of the comic. It was quickly unlinked from the site; however, all files remained available.
{{Clear}}
[[Image:TV14.jpg|48px|left]] '''TV-14''': A censored version of the above comic. Mostly, this is accomplished by Chris putting a photograph of a banana over Sonichu's dick, an orange over Rosechu's vagina, and blue stars on her nipples. Other objects are used throughout the issue to conceal nude pictures Chris took from [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. <s>These lousy edits can be seen [http://www.mediafire.com/?tt0s91mnmez here]</s> Dead link
{{Clear}}
[[Image:TVY7.jpg|48px|left]] '''TV-Y7''': A version which omitted many pages of the original story. Chris appears to have created "Rage Against the Garbage" with these edits in mind, as the TV-Y7 pages are numbered normally, while the pages featuring nudity and sex were lettered (e.g. page 19-A, 19-B, etc.). As the sexual content in the story was gratuitous and pointless in the first place, removing it did little to harm the quality of the work, except that the plot is significantly altered. Since Rosechu's face raping of Jason had to be removed, the TV-Y7 version implies that Sonichu and Rosechu left peacefully, never to revisit the matter.

Chris would rearrange the content in the TV-14 version numerous times before finally settling on a single version of the story, with most of the nudity removed yet with Rosechu's face rape attack left in. The hedgehog porn was reportedly removed at the request of his parents, and Chris would later add a message to his site stating his solemn vow to never again depict his characters engaged in sexual activity. This promise was soon broken when Chris created [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]] and snuck all of the deleted scenes there.

===The uncensored scenes===
[[File:Sonichu 8 on Lulu.png|thumb|200px|The extended edition, offered for sale on [[Lulu]] behind an Age Verification wall.]]

By popular demand, here are the uncensored images from ''Sonichu'' #8, including the ones from Episode 17's prologue that now appear on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Biology CWCipedia's 'Biology' page underneath 'Reproductive Biology of Sonichu and Rosechu'].

{{clear}}

{{collapsible
|Uncensored images from Sonichu 8 (abandon hope all ye who enter here)
|<gallery perrow="5">
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</gallery>}}

===Revised Version===

On 10 July 2019, Chris made an update to the comic on his [[Patreon]] page:

{{quotebox|In better light of their respective birthdates being better educated to me, I have updated both versions of "Sonichu" #8 with those dates, also to change the Chaotic Combo's day from combined birthday to group anniversary and add their birthdates onto the page for reference.

Y'all can blame the Trolling-Stupids of 2008 pressuring me to make everyone fake being older than they are (with the exception of Magi-Chan, since he was literally born in 1948). Seriously: Go Figure the conversion from Pokemon Levels to Age at the time of Evolving.}}

This was made in response to fit in the new headcanons made under the influences of the [[Idea Guys]].

<center>
{| class="wikitable collapsible" width="600"
! colspan="4"|Sonichu #8 Version Comparison
|-
!Page Number
!Original Version
!Revised Version
!Notes
|-
|20
|[[File:SchuComic8P25.jpg|120px|frameless|center|text-bottom]]
|[[File:SchuComic8Page20edit.jpg|120px|center]]
|The anti-[[HEXbox]] screed is replaced by an anti-troll screed.
|-
|37
|[[File:SchuComic8P60.jpg|120px|frameless|center|text-bottom]]
|[[File:SchuComic8Page37edit.jpg|120px|frameless|center|text-bottom]]
|Rosechu is now celebrating her 16th birthday on 8 January 2008.
|-
|38
|[[File:SchuComic8P61.jpg|120px|frameless|center|text-bottom]]
|[[File:SchuComic8Page38edit.jpg|120px|frameless|center|text-bottom]]
|The Chaotic Combo is now celebrating their creation's 5th anniversary on 2 November 2008. Each of their birthdates are now listed below.
|-
|39
|[[File:SchuComic8P62.jpg|120px|frameless|center|text-bottom]]
|[[File:SchuComic8Page39edit.jpg|120px|frameless|center|text-bottom]]
|Sonichu is now celebrating his 16th birthday on 20 April 2008.
|-
|40
|[[File:SchuComic8P63.jpg|120px|frameless|center|text-bottom]]
|[[File:SchuComic8Page40edit.jpg|120px|frameless|center|text-bottom]]
|Date is changed from March 21 to April 4. Bubbles now states how Blake started at Level 16.
|-
|41
|[[File:SchuComic8P64.jpg|120px|frameless|center|text-bottom]]
|[[File:SchuComic8Page41edit.jpg|120px|frameless|center|text-bottom]]
|Date is changed from March 22 to April 5.
|}
</center>

==Comic Pages==
<center>{{collapsible
|Episode 17
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<center>{{collapsible
|Episode 18
|<gallery perrow="5">
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</gallery>}}</center>

==Links==

* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCjgNF0NTwQ Examining Sonichu & Rosechu Audiobook]

==Sources and Notes==
<references/>

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]
[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]
[[Category: ED Saga]]

Song of Christian

2020-01-25T00:00:37Z

Hallowed Ween: grammar fix

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:Song_of_christian_1_1-51.jpg|thumb|"I hear [[United States of America|America]] singing as I sing of myself..."]]

'''''Song of Christian''''' was a poem that [[Chris]], at age sixteen, had to write for a class. Chris bases his poem partly on [[Homos|Walt Whitman]]'s [[Wikipedia:Song of Myself|"Song of Myself"]].

It is also the name of a '''video''' Chris produced about it on 15 [[May 1998]], the very first video Chris has produced (although not his first media appearance), where it later made an appearance on his [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|homemade DVD]]. In it, Chris recites his poem in what appears to be the dark, and rages about the F he got in school for the project. The dark colors are both the result of him forgetting to [[Chris and cinematography|use proper lighting]] (video cameras didn't come with night-vision features in those days) and the technical limits of the model he was using (see below). He also forgets to come up with something interesting to say before the camera was rolling.

Regardless, Chris's voice at age sixteen, compared to today, sounds more conscious and matter-of-fact, and it seems that he is actually trying to put effort into his speech as opposed to mindlessly railing off words (although he still does stutter a lot). What happened between this and the [[Harvey Birdman Commercial]] can be chalked up to Chris becoming more isolated from real-life people, and thus having less practice to speak in this way.

The video is shot in black-and-white and has murky video quality. While some have speculated this video was filmed on a [[Wikipedia:PXL-2000|PXL-2000]] camcorder, a camcorder that used audio cassette tapes and similar low-quality B&W video, the VHS artifacts suggest this was actually filmed with a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixgsYAfZ8eo Tyco VideoCam], a late-1990s B&W camcorder that operated by simply plugging it into a VCR and using a blank tape in the VCR to record footage.

It should be noted that, at the age of 16, Chris doesn't appear to fully understand conception, expressing belief that there is a chance Bob and Barb will have a child at the respective ages of 70 and 56. While biologically, conceiving a child at such an age can be possible, it is normally impossible due to the effects of menopause.

==The actual poem==

<blockquote><poem>“I hear America singing, as I sing of myself,
And you experience, as I experience.
The problems of yourself are my problems.
The youth and the young singing cries of happiness,
As you have sung the song of laughter.
At age six weeks, I sang this song of laughter
Then, at one and a half years of age, the Lord put the mute button on me.
Those are my parents' song. They pulled me through to talk again, at age seven.
I am now sixteen years old and good at talking enough to help me achieve...
New goals and ''Mario'' raceway records, and to finish my [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]].
The magazine's songs, the ballad of ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' on Game Boy.
The rudeness of the teenager's song,
The despicable mention of rude words and...[[Tobacky|D-R-U-G-S]].
I am not afraid to speak, despite the hazardous flukes in America's song.
My song that I sing, although I talk well,
My peer relationship is low, and my [[So Lonesome|loneliness]] is off the scale.”</poem></blockquote>

==Part I==

{{Infobox/video
| name = "Song of Christian" ~ Part I
| video = {{#ev:youtube|eC4XNixKBq4}}
| stardate = 15 [[May 1998]]
| subject = Poetry
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Rage|text}}
| shirt = Unclear
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Sonic_the_Hedgehog_Watch_%26_Win_Sweepstakes#Video|''Sonic the Hedgehog'' Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]
| next = [[Song_of_Christian#Part_2|"Song of Christian" ~ Part II]]
}}

<center>Just showing off his [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]].</center>

===Transcript===

[''Simulates blowing a trumpet, or the sound of a diseased rooster, to mark his arrival.''] 

Welcome ladies, and gentlemen, to ''The Christian Chandler Show''! 
Bringin' ya lots of laughs, and all that neat ol' stuff. Now, here he is, the host with the most: Christian Chandler!

<div>[''simulates the cheers of a crowd through half-breathing, half-hissing, stopping to take a breath halfway through, and reveals himself to the camera'']</div>

<div>Good evening friends, and welcome to ''The Christian Chandler Show''. '''I''' am your host Christian Chandler.
Now, tonight, we are gonna talk about poetry. And uh, line— an', uh, behind the scenes of part of the lines—which got me inspired. An' I'm gonna express my feelings a little bit, so...please don't laugh. I feel— I'll feel embarrassed. Okay, anyway, my poem is called— entitled— "The Song of Christian". And I just did it last night, on May 14th, [[1998]].</div>

[''muttering in an irritated tone: "Gonna embarrass myself."''] Anyway, uh, I'm gonna do my poem, now, so, here goes. [''recites poem''] An' anyway that's my poem. 
Now, we gotta go behind the lines, and see how it all got inspired.

<div>Now the, uh, first line line "I hear America singing", and, uh, "sing of myself". I got those from the combination of the first line of, both, [[Wikipedia:Song of Myself|"Song of Myself"]] and—s I—s—I—[http://www.bartleby.com/142/91.html "I hear America singing"]. And the "experiencing" and ''problems'', bas-- I made those up myself. And of course, ya know, the, uh, youth. I'm talking about the young children, here. They start singing their cries of happiness when they are born. With their little [[Sonee & Rosey|'giggles' and 'tee-hee-hees'.]] [''[[sigh]]''] That's just the sound of laughter. At age six weeks, I started... the sound of laughter which is my—when I start talking. Now, my first word was "monkey", and here's how it happened. My mother and I went down to the [[Wikipedia:Best Products|Best Products]] store in [[Charlottesville]] many, many years ago. ''Of course you know at age six weeks I was born in [[1982]]''. [''sigh''] Anyway, uh, my mother was carrying me in her arms, and she was shopping, when then all of a sudden I said [''baby talk voice''] "mon-kee". An' there was a wo—uh, there was an old woman near by, and, uh, she suh—h—heard me and then came over and asked my mom, "''Was that your son?''", and my mom said, "''Yup, that was my son''". Ahh... she didn't say anything, she was just shocked.</div> 

<div>An', anyway I, uh, went on—and—on with my mouth. That is until the age one-and-a-half... years... [''sigh''] The sad thing that happened... the Lord put the mute button on me. CLICK FLICK [''Light switch motion'']. That's when my ad—me—I'm representing my autism, there. The Lord clickin' the mute button. [sigh] An' anyway here's where my autism began. I'm gonna to be very truthful here. Uh, I had a babysitter, but, uh, she was kinda've mean [[Abusive babysitter|babysitter]]. Anyway, ah, one day she was on her phone and, uh, I came up t—I came up to her, I came up with her, and said something and, uh, she was kinda angry at me, 'cause I interrupted her phone call, AND she locked me [[Chris's room|in a room fulla noth—n—fulla nothing but toys]], and, uh, she just locked me in there, and, uh, I was very lonely, so I just sat there and cried, and... uh that's how my [[autism]] began. Thanks to an evil babysitter.</div> 

<div>And then thanks to my parents—actually my ma did most of the work, but, uh, it was thanks to my parents. They got me talkin' again at age seven. An', anyway, here's how they—it happened. My mother, my mother, always took me down to the toy store, ahh, at least every weekend on... [''sigh''] to, uh, wa—l—look at the, to read packages. Like, say, for example, "Go-Bots." You remember those old goh—fashion Go-Bot toys? Well, anyway, with ma we always read thepackageis [''All in one breath''] for me, and I read along with her. And, uh, well, we just read the, uhh, top name of the fi—name of the toy, and the name of the, uh, to—and the, uhhh, name of the... character that it represents. And, then, on an the—go to the flip side and see all the other characters, name all the other toys in the collection. And, ''of course'', we did the same for fu—the old-fashioned Transformers. Yes. [''Head confidently turns to look at items off-camera'']</div>

And, also, wit' mother an' I—and, also, sometimes, mother and I'd buy some Lego sets and build them together, like, for example... [''mumbles about getting his "stupid thing"''] Oh, yeah... Lllike, for example, this old, uh, bicycle pit shop, here. Ah, you can tell this is an old-fashioned [[Lego]] set on account of this—the old-fashioned "Lego Land" on the corner. Anyway, ah, we always built something like this, but, uhh, since that... and, one time, we even built a nice racetrack. I don't still have my Lego tin, but, uh... I NAMED MY CAMERA NIBBLE(?)... [''sigh''] I don't think... that it's good to have. Uh, oh, well, anyway.

''Excuse me''.

[[Image:003-NPSon.jpg|thumb|right|The homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine.]]

Anyway, Mother and I always had fun together. But, then, at age five—age seven, my mouth blabbed, ah—I started blabbin' my mouth, again. [''Voice cracks''] Daarn that collar! And then, uh, the, ah, "Helping to achieve new records on ''Mario Raceway''". You know I like the play video games. I mean, I have Nintendo 64 video games, the Super Nintendo games, Genesis, old-fashioned Nintendo, Game Boy, Game Gear, Sega CD, 32X, and I also got lotsa Tiger-brand LCD games. An', anyway, I was a video game p—person, and my favorite type of game were racing. So, um, one of my favorite Nintendo 64 games were—was ''Mario Kart 64''. I'r, uh, I was already tryin' to beat my ghost on the, uh, ''Mario Raceway'' Time ''Trails'' mode. My best time—my best record is, as Mario, ah minute, twenty-one, and eighty-nine seconds. Me—uh... ''excuse me''... I mean a 1'21"89. Yeah, that's it. An', anyway, I always like to beat my records.

But then the, uh, Nin-ten-do Ma-ga-zine that's da'uh maga-zine you heard that was lost. There it is: my ''home-made'' ''Nintendo Power'' magazine. Actually, that's just the cover. [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'm, ah, working on it]]...on the ''insides'', like a regular ''Nintendo Power'' magazine. When I'm done it should have a hundred-and-eight pages, including the front cover, and the back cover. Ah, right now I'm only on, uh, page 35. [''sigh''] I'll show you, ah, the pages that are inside it. We have your, uh, your, ah, type of contest that they're mentioning of the main article... that goes with the table of contents ''there''. [''sigh''] Then, we have the winners section. Now you seen the, uh, the two envelopes on this page? I actually created them on u—other envelo—on two envelopes myself an' kinda copied that from the envelopes onto ''here''. And, on this page, the three of those, I just kinda made up myself. That's, uh, ''Cruis'n USA'', ''Zelda'', and ''Yoshi's Story''. [''Christian exhales and ruffles through the pages'']. And we have the, uh, ''Power Charts''. Which is the Top Ten Nintendo 64, and Super Nintendo, and the Top Five Game Boy games. Of course, the Most Wanted, and some more letters, and I just a made up a article about somebody winning the ''Zelda'' contest. Ya know, test the ''Zelda 64'' game that is gonna come out later. WAAAY later, I—in fact, we don't even know—we're not exactly sure WHEN it's gonna come out. ''Darnedest thing is slippin' on me'' [Christian reassembles the magazine].

<div>An anyway, I had this dream a long time ago about ''[[Sonic]]'' on Game Boy, so that's what I based my magazine on.
'Course you can ''tell'' on the cover he's switched from Sega to Nintendo. SO, I started off by making my own Nintendo 64 game: Sonic 64. Isn't that a cool picture, or what? [''shoves crude drawings into the camera''] Alrigh', anyway, you got your castle over ''there''. Sonic and Tails. '''Scuse me a sec''...[''The PXL-2000, or whatever other cheap camera he's using, only records up to 10 minutes of footage on each side of the tape, so he is most likely getting it prepared to flip over.'']</div>

====Factual error====
It is physically impossible for him to have spoken a word at six weeks old. Any [[Chris and health|doctor]] will attest to the fact that no infant's vocal chords are developed enough by that time to speak, and any [[Chris and psychology|psychologist]] will tell you that their [[wikipedia:Broca's Area|Broca's Area]] is not anywhere near developed enough to understand words by this time.

==Part II==
{{Tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Song of Christian" ~ Part II
| video = {{#ev:youtube|G9qf5aYpjRg}}
| stardate = 15 [[May 1998]]
| subject = {{Rumors|text}}, {{Video games|text}}, [[Chris and Art|Artwork]]
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Reason|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = Unclear
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Song_of_Christian#Part_1|"Song of Christian" ~ Part I]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_64_Lego_Raceway#Prototype|''Mario Kart 64'' Lego Raceway]]
}}
<center>[[Chris]] [[virgin with rage|rages]] between 7:38 and 10:05 if you want to skip all the shit no one cares about.</center>

===Transcript===
[''Chris mutters under his breath: "Darn that thing.", and fiddles with the papers.'']

Uh...this may even be a rumor, so you— my magazine is falling apart on me. I mean it's just ''paper clipped.'' So sue me. I'm jus' still [[THAT_IS_MY_HOUSE|working on it]].

[''Continues looking through pages'']

Now, let me just find that page again... Well, they have the old castle, again, but now I got the special moves, the spin dash, pound the baw—pound the ground, spin, punch. There's that cool picture of Sonic co—in the co—in the corner. Isn't that cool, or what, huh? Three DI-mensional. That's what I call cool. Yeah....

[''Mumbling and looking through pages.'']

And, then, I have Sonic's friends that help. Of course, Tails (that flies), Knuckles (that punches and flies), and [[Bionic]], WELLLLL, you heard rumors about Bionic: he's that Sonic's brother I made up myself who's that very good basketball player and mechanic. Uh... I can tell you the background story on him. I could tell you about it... I'll just make it quick so I can tell you, anyway. Bionic was Sonic's older brother. Please note "older". Anyway, one day, when they were very young, they were playing a ca—playing the game of catch, Sonic accidentally threw the ball into the bushes. Bionic offered to get it, because he was closer to it. He went in the bushes, but, then, there was a—but there was a warp... p—portal there, and he got sucked into it. Sonic tried to get him out, but Sonic fell into it, went to a dimension of ba—abou—basketball. But then, uh... years later, Bionic found a way to es—found a portal to go back to Sonic and end up in Sonic's... new home in Knothole. And, uh... Sonic and Bionic lived together from then on. Anyway, he's a great mechanic too.

Anyway, I got some pictures here that, uh...shows how Sonic's friends help him...climbing along Knuckles, Tails flying, Sonic...and Bionic...breaking a lot— destroying a lot— breaking a lot of Dr. Robotnik's evil machines.

And, yet, of course, you know, my, uhh, ''Sonic'' on Game Boy originally was ''Sonic and Knuckles'', but I decided to do something different in this magazine. ''Sonic and Knuckles '''II'''''... I mean, a sequel, yeah... Anyway, you got your coverage there, and I put a little Dr. Robotnik in the corner saying, (''changes voice'') "I HATE SONIC! AND I HATE THAT ECHIDNA, TOO!"

[''Bends over to adjust paperclip that is holding his homemade ''Nintendo Power'' together, muttering.'']

Oh, dear, the paperclip is slipping. Darn that thing.

[''Comes back up.'']

Yeah...and, of course, you know I've got my basic "coverages" about a file...selector, and another water zone, Knuckles— playing as Knuckles, and a...special stage. Cool, huh?

[''Turns page.'']

And then I made up a Super Nintendo game. ''SUPER Sonic''. Yeah it's a Super Nintendo game with all— with some of the ''Sonic'' games in one Super Nintendo cartridge. Hey, look, check this out, we got Sonic hanging ten on a Super Nintendo controller. YEAAAH! (''hums music'') Anyway, then I got some...coverage on the...Sonic, uh...with the...how you select the game you wanna play. And of course I got ''Sonic I'' picture there, and ''Sonic 3''.

[''Flips through pages.'']

Oh, dear...

And then I have the uh...coverage on the games. I got ''Sonic I'', ''Sonic II'', ''Sonic III'', and ''Sonic and Knuckles'' in there... yeah, the original ''Sonic and Knuckles'' I'm talking about, not ''Sonic and Knuckles II''.

But, then, I made up another Nintendo 64 game. Uh...sort of interesting to teenagers. I call it ''BEAST WARS''...''[[Transformers]]''. And except these aren't about the missions; they're fighters. Yeah, that was the Maximals and Predacons fightin' each other. And I made somes—fantasize—suh that... it will be RumblePak compatible. And becau—and the uh... bots that I put in it...goes as follows. I got [[Optimus Prime|Optimus Primal]], and uh...Cheetor... Rattrap, Silverbolt, Dinobot, Megatron...Tarantulas, Waspinator, Quickstrike, and Inferno.

And then I, uh...before Soni- before I made the cover of Sonic, I made up a, uh...other ''Nintendo Power'' cover, which I made of...uh...you heard of ''Megaman XTC'' Nintendo? Well, that's what I did. ''Megaman XTC '''IV'''''. Check that out. Cool picture. IT'S BACK. And then there's some coverage, uh...about some of the stuff about him in the...Sigma's return...Zero being captured, and...X's armor. It's actually revived armor... The— from the original first— the first ''Megaman X'' game...except more powerful, because it's, uh, actually... Oh, whatever...

Anyway, I got a bunch of bosses from the three ''Megaman X'' games and a couple of the classic ''Megaman'' games. I got Storm Eagle, Snake Man, Wheel Gator, Neon Tiger... [''mumbles "oh jeez" while flipping through pages'']... Gravity Beetle, Bubble Crab, Shadow Man... and, uh... why not ''Megaman X'' without the old... classic ''Megaman X'' boss... [''fumbles with pages''] Oh, dear... these things are slipping on me... Anyway, Chill Penguin. Yeah, that penguin is back, alright. I ]got each of these bosses as 3D battle zone, and of course, now, I got coverage of Sigma's return. I got Robotis dog reform [''likely "Robotis Dog's Return"''}, then I made up a new dissent (?) for old Dr. Wily, Dr. Wily Jr. He's fighting Megaman in a robot MONKEY. Monkey... And then I got Sigma's return... and this is actually from that cover of Meg—that cover I made up. I mean, it's actually destroying Sigma, but this is from his, uh, view. It's actually from the opposite side... of the battlefield.

So right now I'm working on the classified information... begun with Sonic— parts of ''Sonic I'' and ''Sonic II'', and I just did ''Mario Kart 64''. And for ''Nintendo Power''...I'm tracing another copy. Yeah, you can tell it's another copy, because— lookit there. Sonic is a bit more, uh...chubbier there. You can tell the difference right there. All right, on, um... this tracing thing, I only got to page 60, it was the beginning of ''Super Sonic''...

But, moving on... yeah... the rudeness of the teenagers song... of course, now—of course, you know I'm talking about those despicable rude words they got down in there... I mean... ah, you know, w-w-when they say those... sound like, somethin' like... "Oh, *booop*." And, uh... "Oh, *booop*", and "son of a *booop*"... You understand what I'm talking about? I mean, that just really ticks me off. And I hope this video's getting through to those tee—to those students in that English class of mine. I HOPE THEY GET IT THROUGH THEIR HEADS AND EV— AND GET IT THROUGH TO EVERYBODY ELSE IN THAT SCHOOL, THAT THAT RUDE LANGUAGE IS CRUEL. I mean, you see it, and—you thinks it's cool to the adults, BUT YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER DO IT. I MEAN, IT'S JUST RUDE! VERY RUDE! I MEAN, I'M JUST SICK OF IT! I mean... [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|HNNNNGH]].

And then there's that other thing... the, uh... D-R-U-G-S. I mean... (''mimes smoking'') That just... that *puff puff* [[tobacky|thing]], that just clogs up my nose. *grunt* And that other thing... (''mimes drinking alcohol and passing out'') Anyway, just MAKES ME SICK to see people just [[Sonichu|waste]] [[Little Big Planet|their]] [[Love Quest|lives]] [[Guitar Hero|away]] on [[alcohol|that]]. I mean, [[Chris and hypocrisy|it's DESPICABLE (''hits table''). DE-SPIC-A-BLE!]] Understand what I'm talking about? And, of course, I'm not afraid to speak about the hazardous flukes like [[Chris and copyright|the "American Song" how it goes]]... and, of course, that last line there... The song I sing you and all my—talk about my peer relationships as well... I talk about the peer relationships in my neighborhood. I mean, I do not have that many peers in the neighborhood. All I have in my neighborhood is Damien, and I don't usually see him a lot, and a twelve year old boy named Michael, and he's uh... just a little kid.

Anyway, I'm just usually lonely at home. Don't have a second player to play with. I don't even have a little brother, and I'm s—still hoping for one. Anyway uh... I see by the clock that it's about time I sign off. But, uh... before I go, I have just one thing to say to, uh... the teacher: '''[[Chris and anger|AN F IN ENGLISH CLASS?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!]]''' I mean, an F! I DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I GOT AN F... I MEAN, WHO KNOWS? IT COULD'VE BEEN BACK IN OLD GREENE COUNTY, THAT STUPID PLACE... YEESH. That Greene County Primary... actually that was a nice school, but then th—came the [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Nathanael Greene Elementary]]. That's probably where I got the F. Anyway, then, many years rolled by... '''THEN YOU CAME ALONG AND GAVE ME AN F. I MEAN I STARTED OFF WITH AN A AND YOU JUST LOWERED IT! LOWERED IT! LOWERED IT! I'M GETTING SICK AND TIRED OF THIS LOWERING THING. WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST AUT—[[Slow-in-the-minds|AGAINST THE HANDICAPPED CHILDREN]], ANYWAY?! I MEAN, I KNOW MY HANDICAP IS [[Kick the Autistic|AUTISM]], AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO ADMIT IT! AND YOU, MRS. BIRD (Burns?), I THINK THAT F IS VERY DISRESPECTFUL! I MEAN, [[Chris and his Ego|I AM VERY EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT]].'''

[''stress sigh'']

Anyway, it's time I sign off. Well, this has been ''The Christian Chandler Show'', and we hope you all enjoyed it. And, as we say in the land of TV Land...goodnight, folks!

[''covers camera with hand and "sings" theme song'']

==See also==
* [[Greene County Conspiracy]] - 12 YEARS LATER, Chris still sits in the dark and complains about people hating him for being Autistic

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]|nextlink=[[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]|}}
{{Writings}}
{{CWC on TV}}

[[Category:Poetry]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos before 2007| 1998-05-15]]

Chris and sex

2020-01-24T20:36:26Z

Hallowed Ween: /* Is Chris a furry? */

{{Dated}}
{{Honest}}
{{DeadLinks}}

[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sexual intercourse''' (a.k.a. '''hanky-panky'''), mostly stemming from stunted sexual development, [[Borb|a sheltered upbringing]], and the [[Autism|twisted, disjointed]] [[Chris and reality|worldview]] he acquired as a result. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on HBO at around age 16. He describes pornographic films as "educational".<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga#Chris Sets the Record STRAIGHT]]</ref>

==Knowledge of sex==
In his mind, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful... sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate", a description he [[Things Chris has ripped off|stole]] from ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> In truth, for much of the time he was presenting this advice Chris had yet to even kiss a girl.<ref name="Jackie E-mails 2">[[Jackie E-mails 2]]</ref>

What he knows about sex he's picked up from rudimentary [[high school]] [[Dating education|sex education]] or [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|pornography]]. This has engendered many false beliefs in Chris, which he sticks to religiously. Readers who brave his [[Chris Sex Logs|sex chat logs]] should immediately notice what's going wrong--Chris's fantasies are merely recreations of what he's seen in pornos, rather than plausible sexual experiences. For example, he believed that [[Kacey]] would welcome a brutal tit-fucking followed by load after load of [[navy]] to the face.<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>

Other examples of Chris's crude misconceptions about sex abound. He mimics female porn stars' sex positions, spreads an imaginary vagina a yard across,<ref name="JR Eyes">[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]</ref> thinks that the clitoris is located on the female body where the [[wikipedia:Perineum|perineum]] is located on the male one<ref>[[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Introducing the Un-clit]]</ref> and believes that electric shocks to the vagina are pleasurable.<ref name="Cums cat">[[CWC Cums for a Cat]]</ref> He also seems to believe that a woman's vagina is higher up on the woman's body that it actually is;<ref>[[:File:SchuComicSP3P7.jpg]]</ref> this is undoubtedly due to his experience with his [[Kimmi|sex]] [[Officer Nasty|dolls]]. The "missionary cowgirl" position mentioned in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is a contradiction in terms. He can't even get the most basic double entendres correct, wearing a terrible [[CWC Cola|Mountain Dew]] parody shirt thinking it's an invitation for women to try and ride his broken [[penis]].<ref name="JR Eyes" /> He thinks that his [[Virgin with rage|virginity]] is a precious and sought-after treasure which women will come in droves to take (he even went so far as to use it as a bargaining chip to haggle with a prostitute), and believes that [[mass debating]] ultimately makes him better at sex.

With Chris's [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]], he is also noticeably confused about basic sexual terminology. For example, Chris told Ivy he had a "sticky dream" about her. When Ivy asked if he meant a wet dream, he replied, "No, that's when you pee yourself, silly!"<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#Threats]]</ref> While he may have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. He refuses to use common terms--either medical or slang--for sex organs, instead calling penises "[[duck]]s" and "[[pickle]]s", and vaginas and vulvae "[[china]]" or "tom-tom" out of a childish aversion borne of disgust.

In [[August 2011]], Chris said he is into female domination.<ref>[[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]</ref> (going as far as to draw Sonichu and Rosechu performing the act in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]).

==Moral basis on sex and double standards==
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? ''Really''? In a ''children's'' comic? Because they should know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: but I say to you, that whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is (partially) dictated by the Bible - or rather, by his religion, as Chris's Biblical knowledge is extremely poor. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when male homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' homos, but with no hesitation views lesbian porn and approves of it [[Mass debating|masturbatorily]]<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref>, and as of 2014, seemed to be adopting a more progressive view of even gay men and their rights (albeit begrudgingly). In 2015 Chris made a video lamenting his "past" homophobia and clarifying that he apparently now has great liking and admiration for male homosexuality, [[Retroactive continuity|retconning]] the viscous homophobic tirade of [[Sonichu 10]] into a bizarre zombie apocalypse, implying that he realizes religion is not an excuse for discrimination. Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he planned on losing his virginity on the [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true sweetheart (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). This is, of course, blatant violation of the Christian value of marriage before sex.

The Bible also frowns upon [[Nudes|pornographers]], of which he is very guilty and holds no apparent [[Chris and remorse|remorse]]. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to denigrate and what is OK in his own personal dogma, although to be fair, the same is true of many Christians anyway.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is most likely because he goes to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|a very liberal church]], so any question about premarital sex is probably interpreted quite liberally, and Chris believes that his church and ''only'' his church defines the entirety of religious morality - as it applies to him, anyway. When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by [[trolls]], she only fuels his à la carte Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which contradicts Christian doctrine.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> In summary, Chris picks and chooses what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest]].

[[File:Female anatomy according to chris.png|thumb|A moderately detailed portrait of what Chris probably thought females looked like before meeting [[Mia Hamm]].]]

Chris seems to consider a female sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he's ever held, he announced his desire to upload on the Internet a video of his first full sexual intercourse, even if his hypothetical partner refused to consent to it.<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)]]</ref> After further prodding, he added that he would simply hide the camera, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public.<ref>[[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line]]</ref> In [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]], Chris indicated that if a woman accused him of being gay in person, he would sexually assault them by demanding they submit to a kiss and allow him to videotape the act, possibly as a way of proving his straightness.

For Chris, as stated above, [[Women's rights|a woman is just a living, sentient sex-toy]], existing only to validate him as a heterosexual. As long as they're straight and younger than him, of course.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|frame|right|Christian professing his love for "[[Julie]]".]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous sex tape with Kimmi shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. It seems that Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the [[JERKS|men]] in pornography (due to fear of becoming a [[homo]]).

However, it should be noted that in most of Chris's Rule 34 drawings the characters do tend to assume positions which are fitting for their gender, including Chris.<ref>For examples, see the [[Sonichu 8#The uncensored scenes|uncensored panels]] from Sonichu 8, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]], [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]], the [[Giant Penis Comic]] and [[Jackie E-mails 14]].</ref> It might be that Chris adopts female positions not so much due to ignorance regarding sex, but more because of [[Tomgirl pictures|his identification with the opposite gender]].

Chris's view of cunnilingus, put on display in [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]], involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the clitoris.

In the leaked media, Chris displays that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (bent duck, [[Obesity|being overweight]], lack of endurance) or psychological in nature (performance anxiety, high expectations, intrusive homoerotic thoughts, subconscious guilt about sex), or a combination thereof.

In 2018, a troll posing as [[Magi-Chan]] leaked a [[All Star|video]] on Chris's Twitter depicting him tugging his [[duck]] to a certain well known song. He remains flaccid the entire time; his inability to get an erection is possibly a side effect of [[Tomgirl|HRT]]. If this is true, Chris will certainly not be getting any hanky-panky in the future.

==Homosexuality==
{{main|Chris and sexuality}}

==Pedophilia==
{{main|Pedofork}}

==Bestiality==
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris to [[PandaHalo]]<ref name="collie">[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref>}}
[[File:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|Run, Patti, run!]]
[[File:Super-mode.jpg|thumb|left|90px|Chris, sporting a [[ECV 00002‎|homemade fursuit]].]]

In [[December 2008]], Chris told [[PandaHalo]] he would be willing to have sex with a female dog for her.<ref name="collie" /> However, in his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against bestiality, then hoists himself by his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form; so technically this isn't bestiality, as they're animals having sex with each other.

Chris suggested that Brian from ''[[Family Guy]]'' be paired up with "any sexy breed" of dog.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy#Story_of_the_CWC_Episode_for_.22Family_Guy.22 The Family Guy article on CWCipedia]</ref>

In [[The Red-Maned Deer]], Chris recites a poem he wrote about having sex with a deer, but at the end of it states, "This was, in fact, NOT an act of bestiality. For you see, the Red-Maned Deer I have been communicating with and tracking, is really...my lo-my womanly sweetheart, named [[Jacklyn Romy]]."<ref>[[The Red-Maned Deer]]</ref> The fact that the deer is Jackie is obvious, but in spite of this he explicitly stated that it was her at the end.

In a photo of the [[Rental House]] from June 2014, the Chandler minivan bears a bumper sticker reading "I Sleep with Dogs".<ref>[[:File:Chandler Cars 1600w.jpg]]</ref> What exactly this means is yet to be determined.

===Is Chris a furry?===
{{quote|I am half-Sonichu and half-Pokemon, thus making me a "furry".|Chris, May 2018<ref>https://tweetsave.com/cwcsonichu/status/997320832040005634</ref>}}

Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a furry was, for a long time, debated.<ref>From [[Sarah May Skype Logs#Chris tries to leave|the Sarah May Skype Logs]]: [7:17:25] '''Sarah May''': Did you feel sexually aroused when you drew them? [7:17:34] '''Christopher C.W.C.''': a bit.</ref> There are some things that point in that direction. [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is in many ways similar to a fursona. Chris has also used the character while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref name="Cums cat" /> Finally, in the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. However, it was confirmed by [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] that Chris was actually prejudiced against furries, not because of who they are, but because many furries tend to be [[homos]].<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Racism and homophobia]]</ref>

Then, in May 2018, Chris, in trademark Christine style, [[May_2018_social_media_posts#Michael_Hirtes_BTFO|went back on]] another of his long-held beliefs. Becoming another of the things he used to loathe, Chris dubbed himself a furry, no doubt influenced by his [[MAGfest#The_Aftermath|encounters with some]] at MAGfest a few months prior.{{-}}

==Prostitution==
[[Image:Virginbreaker.png|thumb|Chris's leaked [[Facebook]] announcement that he had lost his virginity. Initially igniting a firestorm of controversy, Chris himself let it slip that she was found "somewhere on the backpage" soon after.]]

Given how badly Chris wanted to lose his virginity, many observers have wondered why he didn't immediately spend some of his [[tugboat]] on a prostitute. [[Mumble 4]], from [[February 2009]], answered that question for a while. There, Chris explained that paying for sex would render the act "meaningless," and he was - in a rare display of common sense - afraid of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

Needs must as the devil drives, though. While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of [[2009]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked [[PlayStation Network]] accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life to try and gain sympathy. He was genuinely shocked when she didn't offer to fuck him out of pity, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, in [[March 2009]], [[Bryan Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a virgin with rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].

By the beginning of [[2010]], Chris's views on prostitution had further softened. According to his [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|conversations with Vivian Gee]], around the turn of the year he was attempting to save $100 out of his monthly budget to buy himself a whore for his 28th [[birthday]]. This, presumably, was the "hundred dollars for a damn hooker" he referred to when [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|begging the Wallflower for sex]] on YouTube in [[March 2010]].

Between [[April 2010|April]] and [[July 2010]], under the name of [[Carlos Chantor]], Chris tried to offer himself up as a male escort. He described himself as "[[Chris and reality|Experienced for Her Pleasure]]", with an [[obesity|average]] body type.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref>

Later, under the guise of his troll persona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris attempted to acquire the contact details of the hookers Brian Bash had previously hired. While it is possible that Chris merely wished to make his disguise more convincing by implying that 14 year old Jenkins wished to hire prostitutes, it seems far more likely that Chris actually was considering hiring Brian's girls.

In [[April 2012]] a [[Facebook]] status leaked in which Chris announced that he was no longer a virgin. Suspicion arose that this was due to the help of a hooker. Chris provided further evidence suggesting that the girl was a prostitute on 1 [[May 2012|May]] when he wrote in a [[Facebook#Hey, Trollies|Facebook note]] that his virgin breaker can be found "somewhere on the [[Wikipedia:Backpage|backpage]]", a website known for featuring sex service ads.<ref>[http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/19/opinion/kristof-not-quite-a-teen-yet-sold-for-sex.html?_r=1]</ref> On 28/29 June 2014 Chris openly admitted that his first time was with a prostitute, and that he had sex with her twice.<ref>[[Other documents#Chris's wingman]]</ref>

In [[June 2016]], Chris himself made [[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's|another attempt]] to enter the prostitution business, now as a [[Tomgirl|trans woman]], going by the name "Stephanie Bustcakes". Predictably, Chris was unable to find any "women of any orientation" who were interested in paying him $100 to have sex either "one way or the lesbian way", and the Stephanie Bustcakes persona has not yet reappeared.

In [[April 2018]], Chris, facing [[Financhu Crisis|serious financial issues]] and having recently been brainwashed into [[bisexual]]ity, made a [[Twitter|tweet]] offering to [[April 2018 social media posts#Will provide house tour and suck dicks for money|give blowjobs for money]]. However, the post may have been made under the influence of an [[Idea Guy]]-like troll, and few of Chris's fans have any interest in taking up his offer to verify.

[[File:NAME YOUR PRICE!!.jpeg|thumb]]

An update as of 24 April 2018 reveals Chris has stooped low enough to give a blow job or have anal sex with a furry for money, this however does not confirm if he is one. Given that this post was later revealed to have been made at the behest of the [[Idea Guys]] as part of their [[Weens|'grand plan']] of manipulating and abusing Chris, it is unlikely that Chris was being sincere here.

==Incest==
{{Dated}}
{{Quote|I, myself, Did have dreams of having sex with [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]].|Chris, 2016}}

[[File:CWCSonichu Rule34.jpeg|thumb|Chris having sex with his "son," Sonichu, in order to fulfill a prophecy to bring Crystal into the world.]]

[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], Chris's imaginary twin sister, appeared as a [[:image:153-GirlfriendsGift.jpg|"girlfriend" card]] he made for ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'', and her attractiveness and desirability are brought up several times in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] comics well after being established as Chris's twin. Chris has shown complete ignorance in matters incestuous before; his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are all related (despite their type and appearance differences, they all come from [[homos|Sonic and the same male Pikachu]]-apart from that fact, they were all created by Chris and acknowledge him as such- Sonichu and Rosechu calling him father), but many of them are paired off with one-another (notably Sonichu/Rosechu, Bubbles/Blake, and Magi/Silvana- Simonla was technically made by someone else), banging and some even [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|having]] [[Sandy Rosechu|kids]]. Chris's own comic children are a form of incest- as Chris impregnated himself with his navy. Chris shrugs off [[Autism|all medical/science facts]] and lists the two as perfectly healthy and Autism Free

Chris first expounded his views on incest to the internet on 31 [[January 2009]] during the [[Mumble 1|first Mumble chat]], when it was revealed that he did not fully understood the meaning of the word "incest". While he showed aversion toward incest in the chat, his condemnation of it was lukewarm, saying that he would only "definitely discourage that" and that lesbian incest is "possibly OK" due to no reproduction being involved. Compare this to his statements about male homosexuality from the same chat ("I hate homo males [...] I'd sooner have a [[Tomgirl Saga|sex change]] before I would ever turn into a homo") or to his statements about male homosexuality from earlier that month, saying that he would make it a crime and force its practitioners into having sex with members of the opposite gender.<ref>[[IRC (02 January 2009)]]</ref>

A year later, Chris's views became staunch. When a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]] pointed out that Chris's state allows cousin marriage but not same-sex marriage, Chris furiously denied it and wrote, "Cousin-Marriage is just as Terrible and Unholy as MARRYING YOUR OWN MOTHER OR FATHER!"<ref>[[Common Questions#5 January 2010]]</ref> When another correspondent responded to Chris by saying that he is happily married to his cousin and that their marriage is indeed legal in Virginia, Chris answered him by saying he was destined to hell for his relationship,<ref>[[Mailbag 34#Good luck in hell]]</ref> not realizing that incest is shown in a positive light in [[Chris and religion|the Bible]]. When the subject came up again in the next mailbag, Chris said that sexual relations between cousins are just as wrong as incest between parents and their children or between siblings, and that all those relationships were condemned in the "same part" of the Bible,<ref>[[Mailbag 35#I think he wanted a specific verse]]</ref> which is not actually true.<ref> [http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=religion]</ref>

During the [[Idea Guy]] saga, the troll convinced Chris that [[Magi-Chan]] foretold of a prophecy in which [[Crystal]] would be born by Chris mating with Sonichu. He also informed Chris that if this was drawn, he wouldn't have to do it in real life. Chris complied<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/idea-guy-joshua-wise-manipulating-the-intellecutally-disabled-for-fun-megathread.37132/page-80#post-2988349</ref>.

===Dreams of sex with Barb===
On 10 August 2016, Chris posted a [[Facebook statuses|response]] to a mother-son couple who were arrested for incest. He admitted to "[having] dreams of having sex with my mother" but "Never acting on them ever." Among other things, he also implied that incest "offers a chance for better teaching the child how to better satisfy their eventual partner(s)." All this is in stark contrast to his earlier condemnation of incest, which raises the question of whether Chris was being TRUE and HONEST but changed his opinion later thanks to his growing degeneracy, or the likelier possibility it was [[Hypocrisy|all for show]].

{{quotebox|I have a few things to say in response to this article. Firstly, the child was over 18, and surely the mother has talked it out with him beforehand. The child might have had social problems, or a situation where socializing or going out to socialize with other people, was a Greater Difficulty. Financial situation to prevent paying someone else to come over and help out in the situation. Moreover, it was the lifelong affections between parent and child. Also, the mother probably could not bear any ovum for children anymore.
Anyhow, who among Everyone in this world has not had a dream of having sex with one of their parents? Never acting on them ever, I, myself, Did have dreams of having sex with my mother.
Although incest is quite controversial topic, but there are circumstances where there would be not so much harm as one may think, feel or believe. The child is over 18; the mother is unable to have any more children at the time; birth control and protection is available and can be used (in a case of father/daughter, birth control Definitely should be used anyhow). Also, consider if the child is adopted; not as much biological.
Plus, this offers a chance for better teaching the child how to better satisfy their eventual partner(s). The schools can only teach from books; not so much practice. And Nobody wants to end up being a 20 or 30-plus year old Virgin. I know; That is a Huge, Enduring Pain.
Unless the sex act was abusive, hurtful, or Would result in an unwanted birth of a physical or mental challenged child, I would not judge or persecute the parent and child. I would encourage the child to socialize more; maybe make it easier for the child to meet more people his/her age.
Do Not send the mother and son to jail!}}

==Rape==

{{Protip|Despite your worst fears, Chris won't rape anybody, so stop saying that.}}

Chris is very apathetic about the idea of rape. When [[PandaHalo]] told him she was raped by [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]], he reacted nonchalantly. He even thought it would be appropriate for Panda to move in with her rapist, whom he called a "good man" for regretting the rape and for being willing to take care of the ensuing child.<ref>[[IRC (21 January 2009)]]</ref> Later on, long after the PandaHalo saga was over, he would wish her and her rapist a happy marriage.<ref>[[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)#Sarah Cassandra McKenzie, A.K.A. PandaHalo]]</ref> In [[iPods Down and Listen Up]], he doesn't seem to realize that his improvised lyrics detail a sexual act that would almost certainly be construed by others as rape. More recently, he has taken to comparing his ordeals with the trolls to rape in his Facebook posts.

As far as ''Chris'' being a potential rapist is concerned, during a particularly [[IRC (23 July 2009)|disturbing chat]], he ([[:File:BillRiley.jpg|incognito]]) suggested that the trolls try to convince him to rape [[Rocky Shoemaker]].

In all likelihood, though, these parts of his behavior are most likely explained by the keys to understanding his behavior overall: his ignorance about the world and his persecution complex causes him to be quite [[naïve]] about how bad rape actually is. With the Rocky situation above, he likely said that as part of an odd, roundabout scheme to get the trolls arrested, but it's still pretty fucked up that he'd even suggest something like this, let alone tell her about it after.

Chris has a surprisingly mature moral opinion on the subject of abortion in cases of rape; in one of the [[Kacey Calls]], he states he believes that abortion in these cases should be the choice of the victim only and that they should not be pressured by others in their decision.

One might assume that he will one day try to rape someone due to this mindset and stalker tendencies, but this scenario is highly unlikely. For instance, he tried to kiss [[Emily]] and gave up when she said no,<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#A precious farewell (1:29:35–1:31:10)]]</ref> showing that he does understand the importance of consent....or at least, he ''used'' to. Unfortunately, it seems that as of 2014, he has decided that he won't take "no" for an answer, and basically ''molested'' [[Catherine#The Date|Catherine during their second outing]] by hugging her and burying his head in her breasts even after she flatly told him not to. This gets even more disturbing when you consider [[Catherine E-mails#It IS Your Fault!|this e-mail]], where Chris outright says that he's [[Chris and his Ego|"entitled to a relationship"]].

He also doesn't have a history of violence (indeed, quite, quite the opposite), and aside from his [[Death threats#Likelihood of Acting Out on Death Threats|habit of dishing out threats he can't possibly carry out]], Chris is physically [[Chris and health|very weak and unfit]], and simply could not overpower an able-bodied person - the only outcome of him attempting it would be a swift knee to the [[duck]] followed by a rousing round of [[Kick the Autistic|America's favorite game]]. However, given Catherine's experience with Chris during their outing (in her words, she was taken by surprise and couldn't react to it), potential sweethearts should still exercise some caution around him.

Interestingly, Chris details in [[Announcement 06292016]] that he wants all men to stay an arm's length distance away from him. Along with showing the insecurities he possesses concerning men, Chris seems to think that he is [[Tomgirl|female]] enough or [[Chris and his ego|attractive]] enough that [[Chris and reality|a man would want to rape him.]]

==Sexting==

<strike>[http://www.4shared.com/photo/ofavvePXce/Chris_Chan_Sexting.html Sexting Coversation]</strike> Link down. Please reupload.

==Contraceptives==

{{quote|Confidentially, I wear a condom during the second half when I masturbate; I use Trojan or LIfestyles brand (Trojan mostly)

And I used condoms when I fooled with the [[Officer Nasty|L.D.s]] as well.|Chris, [[Jackie E-mails 1]]}}

Condoms, or as Chris has called them "'''raincoats'''", are thin latex coverings worn over a man's penis for the purpose of birth control. However, Chris seemed to understand the condom as more of a symbol for promoting safe premarital sex rather than as a contraceptive. Aside from promoting safe sex and justifying premarital sex, Chris has also drawn his male Sonichu characters with condoms in order to censor their penises. Chris has stated that before his third date with [[Blanca]], he'd wear a condom for the first two times they've had sex, only to have non-protected sex by the third date, showing that he also believed that condoms serve more as some kind of gateway to pregnancy. Chris had a box of chocolate-flavored condoms that he purchased to be prepared for his first time. Chris had given a few different dates for when they expired; some time in 2010 <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Chris_Sex_Logs#Condoms</ref> and January 2013.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/IRC_(27_December_2008)</ref> Chris reportedly also wore a condom that was flavored like green apple while engaging in sex with Mia Hamm.

==See also==
*[[China]]
*[[Chris and his Ego]]
*[[Chris and gender]]
*[[Chris and sexuality]]
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Homos]]
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[Naive]]
*[[Pickle]]
*[[Semen]]
*[[ShecameforCWC.JPG]]
*[[Women's rights]]

== References ==
<references/>

{{Love quest}}
{{Chris and}}

Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt

2020-01-24T16:16:00Z

Hallowed Ween:

'''Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt''' is a live-streamed video by Chris on 19 April 2017. It is notable for featuring him wearing [[The Classic]] shirt, previously thought (by fans and Chris himself<ref>[[eBay]] comment: "I lost the shirt in the fire" http://contact.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ShowAllQuestions&iid=191232666489&requested=jesusguidesme2&redirect=0&frm=2047675&ShowASQAlways=1&ssPageName=PageAskSellerQuestion_VI</ref>) to have been lost to the [[Destruction of Chris's house|fire]] that gutted the [[14 Branchland Court|Chandler family home]] three years prior.

This video marks the first time since [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|November, 2009]] that Chris has worn The Classic in a video. Chris also dons the [[Sonichu Medallion]] and refers to the video as a "[[Captain's Log]]", making good on [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04142017|his promise to bring back the Captain's Log series of videos]]. It seems that Chris, in a shocking and unexpected display of self-awareness, has begun preying on his own trolls' nostalgia for his simpler days in a desperate attempt to [[Financhu Crisis|extort money]] from them.

Among the revelations divulged in this video is that The Classic is actually a Ralph Lauren, and not a St. John's Bay polo as previously thought. However, [[List of Chris's lies|because this is Chris talking]], the information should be taken with a large grain of salt. In a demonstration of shade-throwing not seen since the [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call]], Chris tells us to "put that on your [[CWCki]]."

The opening bid for the shirt was originally set at $12,000. On 22 April 2017 the auction concluded after reaching $25,100 with a total of 23 bids.

As noted by members of Kiwi Farms, Chris's nose is bent in this captain's log, but not in the SNL trump stream. This could mean that between these two videos; Chris broke his nose.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt
| video = {{#ev:youtube|v=XnOyhlA84dQ}}
| stardate = 19 April 2017
| maker = CwcvilleGuardian
| subject = {{(Handouts)|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}
| Saga = {{Financhu Crisis|text}}
| shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}, {{The Musical Tote|text}}
| previous = [[React to SNL 41-4 Darn Ol' Tramp 45#React part 2|React part 2]]
| next = [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04272017]]
}}

'''Description'''

{{Quotebox|
**AND the shirt WILL be Restored (Mended and (hopefully) white parts become white again) after Final Sale Payment Amount is received.**}}

===Transcript===

[''Start of the sentence is cut off'']

Once again and today we are, doin' another Captain's Log. And so yeah, Captain's Log: Stardate 04192017. We have resurrected this old antique.

[''Does a slow twirl while speaking, stumbles halfway through'']

The very same shirt that you've seen me wear in the comics. Uh, sh-showed in between these two.

[''Holds up issues of Sonichu'']

At least uh, to make it to prove my point.

[''Puts down comics and shuffles awkwardly'']

But we'll get to more details about this in just a mim- but right now, um- hng, cuz I'm gon' make ya'll wait till after I get any other remaining thoughts in my mind, out my mind. Uh so let me think.

[''Pauses'']

Right so uh first off uh, yes as I have stated in my Facebook posts uh, my PayPal is in the red because the customer bought the totem complained and Ebud- Ebay refunded, and I had already spent the money on the s- on the Skylanders shirts and the cards and the replacement necklace for my mother. As well as uh, payed two my bills. High b- high bills. And, our bank accounts are in the red. So, gotta make some more money. So, I gotta h- make the money back so I can ship the darn totem so he can be happy about it and I get that money back and I get my PayPal back into the black. Yeah, so I've dug up this old relic from, a months a back garbage bag's in the other room, yeah. (Sentence is very slurred)

[''High pitched sigh'']

I went through more than twenty bags this I stated in my Facebook post, and fortunately this was not in a bag that had the dirt and wall lining into it. No, this was just really really damp, it was in uh- sta- it was possibly close to the bottom of the uh- st- mountain of was clean laundry that was stacked in front of the dryer, before the fire, house fire 2014, January 2014. So, uh, anything- anything else in my mind, I'm thinking, um. Right, um, To show my faith, to show ya'll good faith I have-

[''Picks up Sonichu Transformer figures, packaging falls apart in the back, Chris appears dumbstruck for a moment'']

Well, I have made the uh, extra Sonichu figures, two of them right now. I end making- I guess I'll end up making more because, we're gonna sell more- we're selling more big- big money items, Yeah. No, and uh, for comparison, here I am with me and myself and I.

[''Holds up CWC Link Amiibos, almost dropping one'']

Because- get it where ya'll can see it.

[''Holds Amiibos closer to camera, adopts a sing song voice'']

Because we're all precious, so precious, very very precious, deedleedle oop!

[''Does loud mouth pop, puts figures down'']

Okay, um, shoot where'd I put my phone, oh here it is. I stepped on something.

[''Picks up phone'']

Okay, so I actually do have more details that I have about the shirt that I end up takin' a close look at the shirt tag cuz it got really bad faded. I betcha I could show ya'll the phot- the fresh to- photo I took of that.

[''Hold phone up to camera, showing a picture of the shirt tag'']

Look at how badly faded that tag came out, and that was the tag on the back of this shirt. Alright but fortunately I was able to look closely and further examine it, so I'll be posting this onto m- onto the Ebay page shortly. But right now I'm just gonna read to you as I have put it into my notepad. So alright so, this shirt first off I'm gonna state, is more than 14 years old. Because you know I had drawn it back in 2004, way back in 2004 on the very first book. And we had bought this sh- and my mom I, my family and I, we had bought this shirt, among other clothing in one of the Goodwills, I don't know which one. But, I have the final selling amount this thing, and we're hoping it's gonna be (???), uh, I mean bid if you're seriously gonna pay okay? And I want the pay- and I wanna be paid immediately after the listing ends, which should be some time on Fr- Friday, the 21st, alright? I'll put the list- I'll put the link to the listing down the s- link below. No tricks, only place a bid if you are seriously interested. And you are seriously, sincerely, gonna pay for this okay? This is the only one out there, you can even do a Google search for this same shirt from, the uh- from the brand name which I'm gonna tell ya'll. You won't be able to find it anywhere else, at least until I tell it to ya'll, alright?

[''Has trouble with phone'']

Come on, don't t- don't tell me I'm do typing, I didn't even do any typing. Okay, first off this shirt-

[''Does another twirl'']

Is a polo shirt, from Lalph- from Ralph Lauren. This shirt was made in the USA, it's 100% cotton. And it is a size L, Large. So you can put it on a little child and be bigger than them and be like-

[''Adopts extremely disturbing falsetto while smiling at the camera'']

Oh you'll grow into it!

[''Continues smiling and looks at phone for a moment'']

Anyway essentially that's that, this is a Ralph Lauren.

[''Puts phone down and immediately picks it back up'']

I mean you can even- I even- Actually, yeah I did an image search for a Ralph Lauren polo tag, and I can personally verify from- Between the faded icon, as you can see here I took the picture off my phone.

[''Holds phone up to camera, comparing photos of real Ralph Lauren tag with faded original tag'']

If I can get it to work. Yeah it matches this one that I found on the Internet, 'cept for that said M instead of L, which I can confirm that but anyway. It's definitely a Ralph Lauren.

[''Wipes finger grease off phone with the shirt now valued at 25 thousand dollars and steps back from camera'']

So put that on your- put that on your CWCki! So anyway, I guess that's about it for this week's Captain Log cuz I got- cuz I can't think of too many other things, my brain is knocked out. My brain is blank and, I definitely wouldn't have realized word of the day, Dementia. The umbrella term for all the mentally wearing down people, I got some dementia okay? So give me time, give me space, alright? And some slack.

[''Stares blankly into space'']

Anyways so, I guess that's it for this week's uh- Captain's Log. I hope we'll have more to talk about next week, have a good day.

{{Captain's Log}}

== References ==
<references/>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[React to SNL 41-4 Darn Ol' Tramp 45]]|nextlink=[[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04272017]]}}

[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2017]]
[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Song of Christian

2020-01-24T15:44:28Z

Hallowed Ween: noted chris's misconception about conception

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:Song_of_christian_1_1-51.jpg|thumb|"I hear [[United States of America|America]] singing as I sing of myself..."]]

'''''Song of Christian''''' was a poem that [[Chris]], at age sixteen, had to write for a class. Chris bases his poem partly on [[Homos|Walt Whitman]]'s [[Wikipedia:Song of Myself|"Song of Myself"]].

It is also the name of a '''video''' Chris produced about it on 15 [[May 1998]], the very first video Chris has produced (although not his first media appearance), where it later made an appearance on his [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|homemade DVD]]. In it, Chris recites his poem in what appears to be the dark, and rages about the F he got in school for the project. The dark colors are both the result of him forgetting to [[Chris and cinematography|use proper lighting]] (video cameras didn't come with night-vision features in those days) and the technical limits of the model he was using (see below). He also forgets to come up with something interesting to say before the camera was rolling.

Regardless, Chris's voice at age sixteen, compared to today, sounds more conscious and matter-of-fact, and it seems that he is actually trying to put effort into his speech as opposed to mindlessly railing off words (although he still does stutter a lot). What happened between this and the [[Harvey Birdman Commercial]] can be chalked up to Chris becoming more isolated from real-life people, and thus having less practice to speak in this way.

The video is shot in black-and-white and has murky video quality. While some have speculated this video was filmed on a [[Wikipedia:PXL-2000|PXL-2000]] camcorder, a camcorder that used audio cassette tapes and similar low-quality B&W video, the VHS artifacts suggest this was actually filmed with a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixgsYAfZ8eo Tyco VideoCam], a late-1990s B&W camcorder that operated by simply plugging it into a VCR and using a blank tape in the VCR to record footage.

It should be noted that, at the age of 16, Chris doesn't appear to fully understand conception, expressing belief that there is a chance Bob and Barb will have a child at the respective ages of 70 and 56.

==The actual poem==

<blockquote><poem>“I hear America singing, as I sing of myself,
And you experience, as I experience.
The problems of yourself are my problems.
The youth and the young singing cries of happiness,
As you have sung the song of laughter.
At age six weeks, I sang this song of laughter
Then, at one and a half years of age, the Lord put the mute button on me.
Those are my parents' song. They pulled me through to talk again, at age seven.
I am now sixteen years old and good at talking enough to help me achieve...
New goals and ''Mario'' raceway records, and to finish my [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]].
The magazine's songs, the ballad of ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' on Game Boy.
The rudeness of the teenager's song,
The despicable mention of rude words and...[[Tobacky|D-R-U-G-S]].
I am not afraid to speak, despite the hazardous flukes in America's song.
My song that I sing, although I talk well,
My peer relationship is low, and my [[So Lonesome|loneliness]] is off the scale.”</poem></blockquote>

==Part I==

{{Infobox/video
| name = "Song of Christian" ~ Part I
| video = {{#ev:youtube|eC4XNixKBq4}}
| stardate = 15 [[May 1998]]
| subject = Poetry
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Rage|text}}
| shirt = Unclear
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Sonic_the_Hedgehog_Watch_%26_Win_Sweepstakes#Video|''Sonic the Hedgehog'' Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]
| next = [[Song_of_Christian#Part_2|"Song of Christian" ~ Part II]]
}}

<center>Just showing off his [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]].</center>

===Transcript===

[''Simulates blowing a trumpet, or the sound of a diseased rooster, to mark his arrival.''] 

Welcome ladies, and gentlemen, to ''The Christian Chandler Show''! 
Bringin' ya lots of laughs, and all that neat ol' stuff. Now, here he is, the host with the most: Christian Chandler!

<div>[''simulates the cheers of a crowd through half-breathing, half-hissing, stopping to take a breath halfway through, and reveals himself to the camera'']</div>

<div>Good evening friends, and welcome to ''The Christian Chandler Show''. '''I''' am your host Christian Chandler.
Now, tonight, we are gonna talk about poetry. And uh, line— an', uh, behind the scenes of part of the lines—which got me inspired. An' I'm gonna express my feelings a little bit, so...please don't laugh. I feel— I'll feel embarrassed. Okay, anyway, my poem is called— entitled— "The Song of Christian". And I just did it last night, on May 14th, [[1998]].</div>

[''muttering in an irritated tone: "Gonna embarrass myself."''] Anyway, uh, I'm gonna do my poem, now, so, here goes. [''recites poem''] An' anyway that's my poem. 
Now, we gotta go behind the lines, and see how it all got inspired.

<div>Now the, uh, first line line "I hear America singing", and, uh, "sing of myself". I got those from the combination of the first line of, both, [[Wikipedia:Song of Myself|"Song of Myself"]] and—s I—s—I—[http://www.bartleby.com/142/91.html "I hear America singing"]. And the "experiencing" and ''problems'', bas-- I made those up myself. And of course, ya know, the, uh, youth. I'm talking about the young children, here. They start singing their cries of happiness when they are born. With their little [[Sonee & Rosey|'giggles' and 'tee-hee-hees'.]] [''[[sigh]]''] That's just the sound of laughter. At age six weeks, I started... the sound of laughter which is my—when I start talking. Now, my first word was "monkey", and here's how it happened. My mother and I went down to the [[Wikipedia:Best Products|Best Products]] store in [[Charlottesville]] many, many years ago. ''Of course you know at age six weeks I was born in [[1982]]''. [''sigh''] Anyway, uh, my mother was carrying me in her arms, and she was shopping, when then all of a sudden I said [''baby talk voice''] "mon-kee". An' there was a wo—uh, there was an old woman near by, and, uh, she suh—h—heard me and then came over and asked my mom, "''Was that your son?''", and my mom said, "''Yup, that was my son''". Ahh... she didn't say anything, she was just shocked.</div> 

<div>An', anyway I, uh, went on—and—on with my mouth. That is until the age one-and-a-half... years... [''sigh''] The sad thing that happened... the Lord put the mute button on me. CLICK FLICK [''Light switch motion'']. That's when my ad—me—I'm representing my autism, there. The Lord clickin' the mute button. [sigh] An' anyway here's where my autism began. I'm gonna to be very truthful here. Uh, I had a babysitter, but, uh, she was kinda've mean [[Abusive babysitter|babysitter]]. Anyway, ah, one day she was on her phone and, uh, I came up t—I came up to her, I came up with her, and said something and, uh, she was kinda angry at me, 'cause I interrupted her phone call, AND she locked me [[Chris's room|in a room fulla noth—n—fulla nothing but toys]], and, uh, she just locked me in there, and, uh, I was very lonely, so I just sat there and cried, and... uh that's how my [[autism]] began. Thanks to an evil babysitter.</div> 

<div>And then thanks to my parents—actually my ma did most of the work, but, uh, it was thanks to my parents. They got me talkin' again at age seven. An', anyway, here's how they—it happened. My mother, my mother, always took me down to the toy store, ahh, at least every weekend on... [''sigh''] to, uh, wa—l—look at the, to read packages. Like, say, for example, "Go-Bots." You remember those old goh—fashion Go-Bot toys? Well, anyway, with ma we always read thepackageis [''All in one breath''] for me, and I read along with her. And, uh, well, we just read the, uhh, top name of the fi—name of the toy, and the name of the, uh, to—and the, uhhh, name of the... character that it represents. And, then, on an the—go to the flip side and see all the other characters, name all the other toys in the collection. And, ''of course'', we did the same for fu—the old-fashioned Transformers. Yes. [''Head confidently turns to look at items off-camera'']</div>

And, also, wit' mother an' I—and, also, sometimes, mother and I'd buy some Lego sets and build them together, like, for example... [''mumbles about getting his "stupid thing"''] Oh, yeah... Lllike, for example, this old, uh, bicycle pit shop, here. Ah, you can tell this is an old-fashioned [[Lego]] set on account of this—the old-fashioned "Lego Land" on the corner. Anyway, ah, we always built something like this, but, uhh, since that... and, one time, we even built a nice racetrack. I don't still have my Lego tin, but, uh... I NAMED MY CAMERA NIBBLE(?)... [''sigh''] I don't think... that it's good to have. Uh, oh, well, anyway.

''Excuse me''.

[[Image:003-NPSon.jpg|thumb|right|The homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine.]]

Anyway, Mother and I always had fun together. But, then, at age five—age seven, my mouth blabbed, ah—I started blabbin' my mouth, again. [''Voice cracks''] Daarn that collar! And then, uh, the, ah, "Helping to achieve new records on ''Mario Raceway''". You know I like the play video games. I mean, I have Nintendo 64 video games, the Super Nintendo games, Genesis, old-fashioned Nintendo, Game Boy, Game Gear, Sega CD, 32X, and I also got lotsa Tiger-brand LCD games. An', anyway, I was a video game p—person, and my favorite type of game were racing. So, um, one of my favorite Nintendo 64 games were—was ''Mario Kart 64''. I'r, uh, I was already tryin' to beat my ghost on the, uh, ''Mario Raceway'' Time ''Trails'' mode. My best time—my best record is, as Mario, ah minute, twenty-one, and eighty-nine seconds. Me—uh... ''excuse me''... I mean a 1'21"89. Yeah, that's it. An', anyway, I always like to beat my records.

But then the, uh, Nin-ten-do Ma-ga-zine that's da'uh maga-zine you heard that was lost. There it is: my ''home-made'' ''Nintendo Power'' magazine. Actually, that's just the cover. [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'm, ah, working on it]]...on the ''insides'', like a regular ''Nintendo Power'' magazine. When I'm done it should have a hundred-and-eight pages, including the front cover, and the back cover. Ah, right now I'm only on, uh, page 35. [''sigh''] I'll show you, ah, the pages that are inside it. We have your, uh, your, ah, type of contest that they're mentioning of the main article... that goes with the table of contents ''there''. [''sigh''] Then, we have the winners section. Now you seen the, uh, the two envelopes on this page? I actually created them on u—other envelo—on two envelopes myself an' kinda copied that from the envelopes onto ''here''. And, on this page, the three of those, I just kinda made up myself. That's, uh, ''Cruis'n USA'', ''Zelda'', and ''Yoshi's Story''. [''Christian exhales and ruffles through the pages'']. And we have the, uh, ''Power Charts''. Which is the Top Ten Nintendo 64, and Super Nintendo, and the Top Five Game Boy games. Of course, the Most Wanted, and some more letters, and I just a made up a article about somebody winning the ''Zelda'' contest. Ya know, test the ''Zelda 64'' game that is gonna come out later. WAAAY later, I—in fact, we don't even know—we're not exactly sure WHEN it's gonna come out. ''Darnedest thing is slippin' on me'' [Christian reassembles the magazine].

<div>An anyway, I had this dream a long time ago about ''[[Sonic]]'' on Game Boy, so that's what I based my magazine on.
'Course you can ''tell'' on the cover he's switched from Sega to Nintendo. SO, I started off by making my own Nintendo 64 game: Sonic 64. Isn't that a cool picture, or what? [''shoves crude drawings into the camera''] Alrigh', anyway, you got your castle over ''there''. Sonic and Tails. '''Scuse me a sec''...[''The PXL-2000, or whatever other cheap camera he's using, only records up to 10 minutes of footage on each side of the tape, so he is most likely getting it prepared to flip over.'']</div>

====Factual error====
It is physically impossible for him to have spoken a word at six weeks old. Any [[Chris and health|doctor]] will attest to the fact that no infant's vocal chords are developed enough by that time to speak, and any [[Chris and psychology|psychologist]] will tell you that their [[wikipedia:Broca's Area|Broca's Area]] is not anywhere near developed enough to understand words by this time.

==Part II==
{{Tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = "Song of Christian" ~ Part II
| video = {{#ev:youtube|G9qf5aYpjRg}}
| stardate = 15 [[May 1998]]
| subject = {{Rumors|text}}, {{Video games|text}}, [[Chris and Art|Artwork]]
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Reason|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = Unclear
| other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Song_of_Christian#Part_1|"Song of Christian" ~ Part I]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_64_Lego_Raceway#Prototype|''Mario Kart 64'' Lego Raceway]]
}}
<center>[[Chris]] [[virgin with rage|rages]] between 7:38 and 10:05 if you want to skip all the shit no one cares about.</center>

===Transcript===
[''Chris mutters under his breath: "Darn that thing.", and fiddles with the papers.'']

Uh...this may even be a rumor, so you— my magazine is falling apart on me. I mean it's just ''paper clipped.'' So sue me. I'm jus' still [[THAT_IS_MY_HOUSE|working on it]].

[''Continues looking through pages'']

Now, let me just find that page again... Well, they have the old castle, again, but now I got the special moves, the spin dash, pound the baw—pound the ground, spin, punch. There's that cool picture of Sonic co—in the co—in the corner. Isn't that cool, or what, huh? Three DI-mensional. That's what I call cool. Yeah....

[''Mumbling and looking through pages.'']

And, then, I have Sonic's friends that help. Of course, Tails (that flies), Knuckles (that punches and flies), and [[Bionic]], WELLLLL, you heard rumors about Bionic: he's that Sonic's brother I made up myself who's that very good basketball player and mechanic. Uh... I can tell you the background story on him. I could tell you about it... I'll just make it quick so I can tell you, anyway. Bionic was Sonic's older brother. Please note "older". Anyway, one day, when they were very young, they were playing a ca—playing the game of catch, Sonic accidentally threw the ball into the bushes. Bionic offered to get it, because he was closer to it. He went in the bushes, but, then, there was a—but there was a warp... p—portal there, and he got sucked into it. Sonic tried to get him out, but Sonic fell into it, went to a dimension of ba—abou—basketball. But then, uh... years later, Bionic found a way to es—found a portal to go back to Sonic and end up in Sonic's... new home in Knothole. And, uh... Sonic and Bionic lived together from then on. Anyway, he's a great mechanic too.

Anyway, I got some pictures here that, uh...shows how Sonic's friends help him...climbing along Knuckles, Tails flying, Sonic...and Bionic...breaking a lot— destroying a lot— breaking a lot of Dr. Robotnik's evil machines.

And, yet, of course, you know, my, uhh, ''Sonic'' on Game Boy originally was ''Sonic and Knuckles'', but I decided to do something different in this magazine. ''Sonic and Knuckles '''II'''''... I mean, a sequel, yeah... Anyway, you got your coverage there, and I put a little Dr. Robotnik in the corner saying, (''changes voice'') "I HATE SONIC! AND I HATE THAT ECHIDNA, TOO!"

[''Bends over to adjust paperclip that is holding his homemade ''Nintendo Power'' together, muttering.'']

Oh, dear, the paperclip is slipping. Darn that thing.

[''Comes back up.'']

Yeah...and, of course, you know I've got my basic "coverages" about a file...selector, and another water zone, Knuckles— playing as Knuckles, and a...special stage. Cool, huh?

[''Turns page.'']

And then I made up a Super Nintendo game. ''SUPER Sonic''. Yeah it's a Super Nintendo game with all— with some of the ''Sonic'' games in one Super Nintendo cartridge. Hey, look, check this out, we got Sonic hanging ten on a Super Nintendo controller. YEAAAH! (''hums music'') Anyway, then I got some...coverage on the...Sonic, uh...with the...how you select the game you wanna play. And of course I got ''Sonic I'' picture there, and ''Sonic 3''.

[''Flips through pages.'']

Oh, dear...

And then I have the uh...coverage on the games. I got ''Sonic I'', ''Sonic II'', ''Sonic III'', and ''Sonic and Knuckles'' in there... yeah, the original ''Sonic and Knuckles'' I'm talking about, not ''Sonic and Knuckles II''.

But, then, I made up another Nintendo 64 game. Uh...sort of interesting to teenagers. I call it ''BEAST WARS''...''[[Transformers]]''. And except these aren't about the missions; they're fighters. Yeah, that was the Maximals and Predacons fightin' each other. And I made somes—fantasize—suh that... it will be RumblePak compatible. And becau—and the uh... bots that I put in it...goes as follows. I got [[Optimus Prime|Optimus Primal]], and uh...Cheetor... Rattrap, Silverbolt, Dinobot, Megatron...Tarantulas, Waspinator, Quickstrike, and Inferno.

And then I, uh...before Soni- before I made the cover of Sonic, I made up a, uh...other ''Nintendo Power'' cover, which I made of...uh...you heard of ''Megaman XTC'' Nintendo? Well, that's what I did. ''Megaman XTC '''IV'''''. Check that out. Cool picture. IT'S BACK. And then there's some coverage, uh...about some of the stuff about him in the...Sigma's return...Zero being captured, and...X's armor. It's actually revived armor... The— from the original first— the first ''Megaman X'' game...except more powerful, because it's, uh, actually... Oh, whatever...

Anyway, I got a bunch of bosses from the three ''Megaman X'' games and a couple of the classic ''Megaman'' games. I got Storm Eagle, Snake Man, Wheel Gator, Neon Tiger... [''mumbles "oh jeez" while flipping through pages'']... Gravity Beetle, Bubble Crab, Shadow Man... and, uh... why not ''Megaman X'' without the old... classic ''Megaman X'' boss... [''fumbles with pages''] Oh, dear... these things are slipping on me... Anyway, Chill Penguin. Yeah, that penguin is back, alright. I ]got each of these bosses as 3D battle zone, and of course, now, I got coverage of Sigma's return. I got Robotis dog reform [''likely "Robotis Dog's Return"''}, then I made up a new dissent (?) for old Dr. Wily, Dr. Wily Jr. He's fighting Megaman in a robot MONKEY. Monkey... And then I got Sigma's return... and this is actually from that cover of Meg—that cover I made up. I mean, it's actually destroying Sigma, but this is from his, uh, view. It's actually from the opposite side... of the battlefield.

So right now I'm working on the classified information... begun with Sonic— parts of ''Sonic I'' and ''Sonic II'', and I just did ''Mario Kart 64''. And for ''Nintendo Power''...I'm tracing another copy. Yeah, you can tell it's another copy, because— lookit there. Sonic is a bit more, uh...chubbier there. You can tell the difference right there. All right, on, um... this tracing thing, I only got to page 60, it was the beginning of ''Super Sonic''...

But, moving on... yeah... the rudeness of the teenagers song... of course, now—of course, you know I'm talking about those despicable rude words they got down in there... I mean... ah, you know, w-w-when they say those... sound like, somethin' like... "Oh, *booop*." And, uh... "Oh, *booop*", and "son of a *booop*"... You understand what I'm talking about? I mean, that just really ticks me off. And I hope this video's getting through to those tee—to those students in that English class of mine. I HOPE THEY GET IT THROUGH THEIR HEADS AND EV— AND GET IT THROUGH TO EVERYBODY ELSE IN THAT SCHOOL, THAT THAT RUDE LANGUAGE IS CRUEL. I mean, you see it, and—you thinks it's cool to the adults, BUT YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER DO IT. I MEAN, IT'S JUST RUDE! VERY RUDE! I MEAN, I'M JUST SICK OF IT! I mean... [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|HNNNNGH]].

And then there's that other thing... the, uh... D-R-U-G-S. I mean... (''mimes smoking'') That just... that *puff puff* [[tobacky|thing]], that just clogs up my nose. *grunt* And that other thing... (''mimes drinking alcohol and passing out'') Anyway, just MAKES ME SICK to see people just [[Sonichu|waste]] [[Little Big Planet|their]] [[Love Quest|lives]] [[Guitar Hero|away]] on [[alcohol|that]]. I mean, [[Chris and hypocrisy|it's DESPICABLE (''hits table''). DE-SPIC-A-BLE!]] Understand what I'm talking about? And, of course, I'm not afraid to speak about the hazardous flukes like [[Chris and copyright|the "American Song" how it goes]]... and, of course, that last line there... The song I sing you and all my—talk about my peer relationships as well... I talk about the peer relationships in my neighborhood. I mean, I do not have that many peers in the neighborhood. All I have in my neighborhood is Damien, and I don't usually see him a lot, and a twelve year old boy named Michael, and he's uh... just a little kid.

Anyway, I'm just usually lonely at home. Don't have a second player to play with. I don't even have a little brother, and I'm s—still hoping for one. Anyway uh... I see by the clock that it's about time I sign off. But, uh... before I go, I have just one thing to say to, uh... the teacher: '''[[Chris and anger|AN F IN ENGLISH CLASS?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!]]''' I mean, an F! I DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I GOT AN F... I MEAN, WHO KNOWS? IT COULD'VE BEEN BACK IN OLD GREENE COUNTY, THAT STUPID PLACE... YEESH. That Greene County Primary... actually that was a nice school, but then th—came the [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Nathanael Greene Elementary]]. That's probably where I got the F. Anyway, then, many years rolled by... '''THEN YOU CAME ALONG AND GAVE ME AN F. I MEAN I STARTED OFF WITH AN A AND YOU JUST LOWERED IT! LOWERED IT! LOWERED IT! I'M GETTING SICK AND TIRED OF THIS LOWERING THING. WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST AUT—[[Slow-in-the-minds|AGAINST THE HANDICAPPED CHILDREN]], ANYWAY?! I MEAN, I KNOW MY HANDICAP IS [[Kick the Autistic|AUTISM]], AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO ADMIT IT! AND YOU, MRS. BIRD (Burns?), I THINK THAT F IS VERY DISRESPECTFUL! I MEAN, [[Chris and his Ego|I AM VERY EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT]].'''

[''stress sigh'']

Anyway, it's time I sign off. Well, this has been ''The Christian Chandler Show'', and we hope you all enjoyed it. And, as we say in the land of TV Land...goodnight, folks!

[''covers camera with hand and "sings" theme song'']

==See also==
* [[Greene County Conspiracy]] - 12 YEARS LATER, Chris still sits in the dark and complains about people hating him for being Autistic

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]|nextlink=[[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]|}}
{{Writings}}
{{CWC on TV}}

[[Category:Poetry]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos before 2007| 1998-05-15]]

Tour of Chris's House II

2020-01-23T15:55:13Z

Hallowed Ween: from the brief glimpses when he looks down and the shadow outside, i think i identified the shirt. there might be a reflection on the door at 4:18, but there is a white object on the stairs already so i could be mistaken.

In this video, leaked by [[Alec Benson Leary]] on 11 December [[2013]], [[Chris]] provides a '''second tour of [[14 Branchland Court|his house]]''' and the property that it's on, showing how it has deteriorated even further since [[Tour of Chris's House|the first house tour video]] in [[March 2009]]. It's quite telling how [[Chris's room]], messy as it is, is somehow more organized and easy to navigate than the rest of the house, which is often so cluttered with junk that it reaches to the top of the ceiling.

The exact date in which the video was filmed has not been established with certainty. Chris's narration seems to imply that the video was shot after Bob's death, suggesting a date after 6 [[September 2011]]. The video may have been shot during early May 2013. This video gives our last view of the house before it [[Destruction Of Chris's House|burned down]] on 10 [[January 2014]]. Notably, Chris's voice turns increasingly resentful over the course of the video, implying that even he may have realised the house was too cluttered and nearly impossible to move around.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Tour of Chris's House II
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DrTBH_VYVD0}}
| stardate = 11 December [[2013]]
| subject = [[14 Branchland Court]]
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| shirt = {{WhiteTShirt|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013]]
| next = [[Hello, my sweety baby]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''Sounds of clutter can be heard as Chris steps over a pile of trash.''] Mmph... Mmph. What you just seen was the living room, pretty much where [[Barbara Chandler|my mom]] and I are in, [''[[Stress sigh|sighs]]''] then what's been... what's blocked off the other side of the... actually that... actually that was the family room in it's entirety, both halves. But, the other half, the second half was blocked.

And then the bathroom down here and [''Struggles over the garbage blocking the passage''], pretty much the, that's pretty much the utility room, laundry, and back door, which that too is blocked. So freakin' cluttered in here, in this house. [''Grunts repeatedly'']

[[Bob Chandler|Mr. C]], my father, [[Obesity|had to have narrow passageways, but they were not this narrow]]. Anyway uh, steps going to up the front door right there, and then more steps going up... [''[[Chris and health|Pants heavily]]''] [[Chris's kitchen|Kitchen]] very much blocked off all over... with the ''[[Wikipedia:Resident Evil|Resident Evil]]'' refrigerator right there. I use the term ''Resident Evil'' because in Japan, ''Resident Evil'' video game is called ''Biohazard''. [''Some dinging sounds are heard''] And the one I cleaned recently.

That's as much of the living room as you can see above... To, above this lot, which essentially consists of two couches, [[Virgin with Rage|hardly been used.]] [''Sighs''] [''"Come On Eileen" by [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dexys_Midnight_Runners Dexys Midnight Runners] plays briefly on the radio during this line.'']

Bu- way through this narrow hallway, upstairs bathroom with bathtub and shower, pretty much [[April 16 Fetish Vids|hasn't changed]] since the [[Speech impediment|udder--]] since the trolls first saw it. [''Sighs'']

And this is [[Chris's room|my room]], obviously. [[Honor roll|Lot more cleaner than it is now,]] lot more clearer than the rest of the house, actually right now. Couch under [[Snorlax|that pile.]] Um, I'll make the bed shortly after. Anyway that's pretty much the inside of the house.

I guess I gotta show... I guess I gotta better show you the outside as well. [''Bends down to pick up what appears to be a plastic lighter.''] Me-- [''Sighs as he knocks something else to the floor.'']

[[The Simpsons|D'oh]]. [''Sighs again''] Droppin' everything. It's so crowded in here! [''Sighs''] Hoarding mom and dad and... everything... [''Sighs''] Cluttered, freaking cluttered.

[''Chris descends the stairs and opens the front door.'']

Hey [[Chandler cats#Scamper|Scamper]]! Yep, and we just exit the front of the house to the front yard. And there's accessible portion of the [[Wikipedia:Daylily|daylily]] garden. [''A neighbor kid yells something unintelligible.'']

That's essentially the front of the house. Yeah, that's... Yeah, I think the front yard is more cluttered than the back yard. Eh, there's garden shed. Pretty much not used n-nowadays.

My father liked to spend time in there. Yeah, trees cluttering up par-... cluttering up the gardens. And, driveway... more daylily garden patch. There goes...

And, you saw [[Clover and Snoopy|the pen]] in the back yard earlier. Mmkay, so that's pretty much, that's the- well, actually there's one room I missed. One room I missed.

[''Chris re-enters the house and descends the stairs, approaching a wall of clutter. He places the camera in a small hole in the wall, revealing an entire room behind it.'']

And behind this... door frame is... music room. Cluttered in there too. So yeah, I'm not too proud of the state of the house. Okay? So that's pretty much everything right now.

==See also==
*[[Tour of Chris's House]]
*[[Tour of Chris's House III]]
*[[THAT IS MY HOUSE]]

==References==
<references/>
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013]]|nextlink=[[Hello, my sweety baby]]|}}
{{Videos}}

[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]
[[Category:Chris's house]]

25 September 2009

2020-01-23T15:47:47Z

Hallowed Ween: added official name of shirt

"'''25 September 2009'''" (officially "'''09252009'''") is a video addressing fake websites and unofficial [[Sonichu]] merchandise.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 25 September 2009
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ptV10pWJ07o}}
| stardate = 25 [[September 2009]]
| subject = {{Website|text}}
| shirt = {{WhiteBlackTrimShirt|The Ivory Poacher}}
| previous = [[19 September 2009]]
| next = [[29 September 2009]]
}}
=== Transcript ===
[[Image:Hot Chocolate.jpg|thumb|Cover of the "Hot Chocolate" comic Chris was trolled with.]]

[[Captain's Log]], Stardate September 25th 2009.

I wish to, uh, elaborate to everybody on the Internet and everybody in my [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] [[True and Loyal Fanbase|fanbase]]. The true, only, sole, legitimate, official websites for Sonichu and Rosechu and everything of that sort are [[CWCipedia]] and this, the [[YouTube#ChristianWChandler .28August 2009 - present.29|ChristianWChandler]] [[YouTube]] page, that this video originated from. Now, this uh, web—uh, this, uh, [http://www.youtube.com/user/ChrisWChandler ChrisWChandler] YouTube guy, he's an impostor, he's selling fake merchandise, do not buy from him whatsoever, it's not official, and you are—and you are aiding and abetting an illegal guy—a guy who is committing fraud, a scam artist, a con artist. Do not buy into him. Completely ignore him.

And, also, this, uh, google.com/CW—I mean, this <nowiki>http://sites.google.com/site/sonichusite/home Google.com/SonichuSite</nowiki>: that's not mine, either; that is a fake website, and this, uh, "[[Homos|Hot Chocolate]] comic" I've heard about through e-mails: that is not mine either, so, disregard that website. Forget about it, because that is a fake. Someone else did that... behind my back. Okay? Anyway, I am continuing work on the, on m—on my original pages... and I'm doing it one moment at a time. I just wanted to let y'all know that.

Peace out, and have a good day.

{{clear}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[19 September 2009]]|nextlink=[[29 September 2009]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, September 2009| 2009-09-25]]

CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!

2020-01-19T14:11:23Z

Hallowed Ween: Found CWC Tok reupload

[[File:CWCderp.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris actually derps out from rage.]]

"'''CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!'''" is a video released on 6 [[August 2009]], during the [[SingStar Challenge]] saga. In this video, [[Solid Chris]] exposes his rage against [[Liquid Chris]], accusing him of not doing the last [[SingStar Challenge Round 5#CChanSonichuCWC's Entry|song]] right and ordering him to redo the song and put his commentary in another video. This video is notorious for the anger and angst shown by Solid, who deleted the video shortly after uploading it. Prior to the sudden termination of [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]] in [[December 2015]], it was the second of Solid's most-viewed videos, earning over 300,000 views prior to the channel being taken down.

==Video==
{{Tardrage}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = CHRIS! CHANDLER!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|t_mlyEtzax8}}
| stardate = 6 [[August 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Rumors|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}
| saga = {{Liquid|text}}
| shirt = {{JokerShirt|text}}
| previous = [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_5#IBAChandler.27s_Revised_Entry|Smell Yo Duck Too]]
| next = [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
{{RageQuote|'''CHRIS!''' CHANDLER!}}

Firstly, your video [''takes [[glasses]] off dramatically''] is only [''throws them to the floor'']...HALF the length of that track! The FULL length of that track is ALMOST...''10'' minutes. Redo the video for the full, ''9''-MINUTE-something LENGTH!

And commentary? You can put them in a SEPARATE video. SEPARATE. So, SING the whole 9-minute-something song.

AND anurr' thing...CHRIS. Your for real n--your real name, as I have been told by [[Kacey]]...is only Chris Chandler! No "-tian," no "-topher," just Chris! So, admit that! An' anurr' thing...: [''yelled while jumping up and down like a child'']

{{RageQuote|[[Speech impediment|I]]! NAME! IS! NOT! ''IAN...'' ''...BRANNAN...'' ''...SOMETHING!!!''}}

[''gasps for air in an annoyed manner''] I am CHRISTIAN...WESTON...CHANDLER! SO GET IT THROUGH YOUR DAMN FUCKING SKULL

{{RageQuote|'''AND CALL ME THE REAL NAME''' [[Chris and English|THAT have]] [[God]] has been given to me,}}

AND [[Christopher's name change|the bear at Regency Square Shopping center]], during 1989...

{{RageQuote|YOU DAMN, MOCKING, BASTARD!!!}}

GET. IT. {{RageQuote|'''''RIGHT!''''' I'M}} Christian Weston Chandler, YOU are only {{RageQuote|CHRIS...CHANDLER!}} Your medal is made out of {{RageQuote|PAPER!}} The whole length of time, THE [[medallion|REAL medal]] HAS been made out of Crayola FUCKIN' Model MAGIC, and acrylic {{rageQuote|PAINT!}} If I wanted paper, I would go to [[Wal-Mart]], and pay $5 for '''500''' {{RageQuote|'''[[Sheetz|SHEETS]]!'''}}

[''pauses, realizing what he said has no relevance to the topic at hand''] Redo the 10-minute song and save the commentaries for a [''lowers his voice to an angry whisper''] separate video, [''stops whispering''] and everybody on the internet knows that I am the real deal, you are the impostor, so give up the damn game already before I really call the poli--[''realizes he fucked up''] before that I actually--[''fucks up again''] before I tell the police all the information I have gotten since I finally got them involved, and then send them on your case, put you in jail bef--, even though I would prefer not to see you in jail because Kacey respects you so much, man! [''in a really high voice''] She cares about you so much! She has told me so herself, over the telephone!

If I did not have that [''voice is normal again''] beforehand, I would have just been gladly prepared, gladly, and only gladly, before talking to her, gladly, to see your ass behind bars. But after talking to Kacey, and hearing her honest respect, [''calms down here''] I would hate to see you in jail, out of respect, and of care, because she would be heartbroken. You are a lucky son of a [[gun]], Chris Chandler, so quit this stupid impersonation game. Call me by the real name that God and the bear has given me throughout my whole life. [''Starts to rage again''] The current full name of Christian Weston Chandler, my first name being Christopher and my [[Spanish]] nickname being Ricardo. But in the end, just call me the full name, Christian Weston Chandler.

[''Takes a few deep breaths, possibly due to exhaustion'']

This game is not fun. If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail. You will be tried in court, and you will be going to jail or serve community service, forcedly. I have--I was nice about it, I told you the details, and what do you do,

{{RageQuote|[[Kick the Autistic|YOU KICK ME IN THE BALLS AGAIN]]!}}

And I do not appreciate that! So STOP it! Stop it!

Come clean! Rip off your PAPER medallion, [[Sign Destruction Video|RIP IT OFF like a shred of paper]], look at my medal, I cannot even twist it, because it is made from Model Magic, not some cheap paper I can get at Wal-Mart for 500 dollar--for $5 for 500 sheets.

Sing the whole 9-minute-something song.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Bear Canyon
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ref7rOmS-7s}}
| stardate = 30 [[December 2009]]
| maker = [[Vivian]]
| subject = CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!
| type = (VGM) Remix
| info = [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67MPxnPHBNk The original song]
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC-Tok
| video = {{#ev:youtube|watch?v=PE4h9LKwV8s}}
| maker = [[Liquid Chris]]
| stardate = 9 [[January 2010]]
| type = Remix to "TiK ToK" by Ke$ha
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = OveR Da TeLePhonE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|63XxM-Gysfw}}
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/iiKiDzJii iiKiDzJii]
| stardate = 2 [[February 2010]]
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = (YTPMV) Ian Brandon Anderson Sparta Remix
| video = {{#ev:youtube|LSZK8AqFvbg}}
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/RainingMetal RainingMetal]
| stardate = 12 [[August 2010]]
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Hitler calls Chris Chan
| video = {{#ev:youtube|5_6WsxXDuqg}}
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCI2gRuUl9SVnjsfMOwoXXDA Griffin Law]
| stardate = 12 [[September 2017]]
}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC - Hand Drawn Original]]|nextlink=[[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC]]|}}
{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2009| 2009-08-07]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga videos| 2009-08-07]]

Hello, my sweety baby

2019-10-08T05:43:09Z

Hallowed Ween:

'''Hello, my sweety baby''' is a video leaked on [[Chris's birthday|24 Febr]][[February 2014|uary 2014]] of [[Chris]] singing the Tin Pan Alley song "[[Wikipedia:Hello! Ma Baby|Hello! Ma Baby]]" outside his house, in the style of the ''[[Wikipedia:Merrie Melodies|Merrie Melodies]]'' short ''[[Wikipedia:One Froggy Evening|One Froggy Evening]]''. He also attempts to do Michigan J. Frog's high-step dancing, but instead appears to stupidly jump and prance around as his [[manboobs]] jiggle all over the place. Note how he completely skips the "Everybody do the Michigan Rag!" line of the original ''Merrie Melodies'' short.

Presumably he was singing to a [[heartsweet]] that he hadn't yet met. Either that, or this is another bout of [[random-access humor]].

The video is shown to be shot on a high-quality camera above his usual [[PSEye]] standards. It is very clearly shot on an [[iDea Book Case|iPhone]] as the [[Brushfire Video]] shares the same quality.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Hello, my sweety baby!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|MBDcdJDFzTk}}
| stardate = 8 [[May 2013]]
| subject = {{Galpals|[[Love Quest]]}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{Class of 2000|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Tour of Chris's House II]]
| next = [[Mario Kart 8|Wii U - Mario Kart 8 - (DS) Tick-Tock Clock]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''Chris has set the camera down on something uneven, resulting in the footage being at an odd angle.'']

[''terrifyingly comes close to the camera''] '''A-woooe!''' [''looks at iPod Touch, salutes and sings in "baritone" as he prances around. Every time he lands a heavy step, his voice shakes unnaturally.'']

<poem>Hello, ma baby,
[[Monthly tugboat|Hello, ma money]] [''sic''],
Hello, ma ragtime gal,
Send me a kiss by wire,
Baby, [[Obesity|my heart's on fire]]!
If you refuse me,
Honey, you'll lose me,
... you'll be left alone;
Oh baby, telephone
And tell me I'm your own!

[''Looks at his iPod for lyrics, being too lazy to learn them, then begins speaking in a gay voice'']
You call me on the telephone
You tell me that you’re all alone
I know that you are lying through your teeth
You dirty rascal
How could you expect me
To [[List of sweethearts|believe the lies you hand me]]
You've been out with that girl again
[''Chris skips the line "Now do you understand me?"'']
You broke my heart and made me cry
With every phoney alibi
When I could see the lipstick on your shirt
You dirty polecat
Telephone and tell me I'm your own.

[''begins singing in baritone again'']
Hello, ma baby,
Hello, ma honey,
Hello, ma ragtime gal,
I’m sorry that I made you blue
It was a beaut--it was a beastly thing to do
I shouldn’t have upset you like I did
With little blue--with Lil’ the barmaid
[''Chris skips the line "If you take me back again"'']
I’ll never, ever...wander
‘Cause when I did...I found that absence
Made the heart grow fonda!
[[Bob|Cross my heart and hope to die]]
[[List of Chris's lies|I’ll never tell another lie]]
I’ll mend your [[Heart level|broken heart]]
As good as new
My little cough-drop
Telephone and tell me I'm your own

Hello, ma baby,
Hello, ma honey,
Hello, ma ragtime gal,
[[CWC Cums for a Cat|Send me a kiss by wire,]]
Baby, my heart's on fire!
If you refuse me,
Honey, you'll lose me,
Then you'll be left alone;
Oh baby, telephone
And tell me I'm your own!</poem>

==Fan Videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Chan Michigan Frog (Black and White)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|qZ6P6HcNqII}}
| Stardate = 3 [[March 2014]]
| Maker = HeirOfByzantium
| Subject = Now in [[Black]] and White!
}}

==References==
<references/>
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013]]|nextlink=[[Mario Kart 8 Videos]]|}}
{{Music Videos}}

[[Category:Leaked videos]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2013]]

All Star

2019-10-08T05:35:29Z

Hallowed Ween: better words

{{Honest}}
[[File:Screenshot-twitter.com-2018.11.18-16-23-55.png|thumb|right|"''Well, the years start coming and they don't stop [[Semen|coming]].''"]]
"'''[[Wikipedia:All Star (song)|All Star]]'''" is a [[1999]] song by [[wikipedia:Smash Mouth|Smash Mouth]]. Widely known as the opening theme of the animated film ''[[Shrek Retold|Shrek]]'', the song has since entered internet meme culture in the last decade thanks to [[Idea Guys|Millennials]] and [[Teen Troon Squad|Zoomers]]. During the "[[Cryzel Torture]]" chat of 21 [[April 2018]], [[Chris]] uploaded two covers of "All Star" to the [[Idea Guys]] via Discord.

Having gained Chris' consent to use his Discord account to aid in the conflict against the Idea Guys, [[Kiwi Farms]] owner Null leaked the SFW version on 13 July.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/cryzel-torture.45450/</ref> Later that year on 18 [[November 2018]], a troll impersonating [[Magi-Chan]], presumably one of the [[Teen Troon Squad]], leaked the second, [[Honest Content|TRUE and HONEST]] rendition with Chris [[mass debating]] to Chris' [https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Twitter Twitter]. The tweet was deleted minutes later, but the video was quickly preserved by Christorians.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/11-18-chriss-twitter-posts-a-video-of-him-jacking-off.50093/</ref> More parts of video would be leaked by Lukas Sampson, the ringleader of the [[Teen Troon Squad]] onto [[/cow/]] on 31 [[December 2018]].<ref>Videos were leaked at https://8ch.net/cow/res/687691.html#689605 and a Teen Troon Squad member posted at https://8ch.net/cow/res/687691.html#689633</ref>

Notably, Chris sings in the same growling voice that he used to indicate he was singing under duress way back in [[It's UGH!]] (2009).

==Singing All Star Part 1==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris chan sings All Star
| video = {{#ev:youtube|8Jwt2_q19Iw}}
| stardate = 21 [[April 2018]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}} {{Rage|text}}
| saga = {{Idea Guy|text}}
| shirt =
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[April 2018 Paid Video Requests#Message to Dio Brando, Plus I Need a New Phone!|Message to Dio Brando, Plus I Need a New Phone!]]
| next = [[All Star#Singing All Star Part 2|All Star Part 2]]
}}

===Transcript===
[''Chris makes a [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|constipated grunt]] and the camera briefly gains a green tint. He begins [[Honor roll|reading the lyrics from his phone]] in a similar constipated low growl, his tone severely fluctuating, and gesticulating wildly.'']
Some-BODY once told me,

the WORLD is gonna ROLL ME!

I ain't the sharpest [''voice drops to guttural croak''] torl in the sheeeed!

She was looking [''Chris gives up on following the melody''] kinda ''dumb''

[''Mimes along with the next two lines''] With her ''finger'' and her ''thumb''

In the shape of an L, on her foreheeead!

[''Remembers the melody again''] Well... the years start comin'

And they don't [[Chris and English|starp]] comin'

Feh to the rules and they [[TooManyGames|hit the ground]] runnin'

It dudn't make sense not to live for fun

[''High growl, slurred''] Y'brain gets [[Honor roll|smart]] [''Low growl''] but yer head gets dumb

So much to do, so much to see,

So what's wrong with takin' the backstre'

You'll never know if you don't go

You'll never shine if you don't GLOW

Hey know, you're an all star

Get your game on, go bleh

Hurr nurr, yer a ruckstar

Get the show on, get beh

[''Shakes his phone''] ''And all that glitters is gooold''

Only shootin' ''STUURS'' break the ''[[14 Branchland Court|mooold?]]''

It's a col' place, and they say i'gets col'er

Yer bun'led up now until y'ge' ol'er

The me'eor men beg t'differ

Judgin' by the hole in their satellite picture

The ice ge' thay, [''gibberish as he loses his place''] w'er w'er w'er... [''small groan'']

[''Picks up the tempo''] W'er's ge'in warm so ya might as well ''swim!''

My world's on fire, how 'bout yours?

That's the way I like it, I'll never get bore'

Hey now, you're an all star

Getcher game on, go blay

Hey now, you're a rockstar

Get the show on, get beh

[''Begins shaking his phone''] An' all that gli'ers is ''gooold!''

Only shootin' ''staaars breeeak'' the ''mooold!''

[''Almost 20 seconds of growling, warbling and Hulk Hogan-like arm shaking'']

Hey now, you're an all star

Getcher game on, go blay

Hey now, you're a rockstar

Get yer show on, get bleh

[''Poses with arms out and head low''] An' ''ALL'' that gli'ers is ''GOOOL'''

[''Another brief growl solo'']

Only shootin' ''staaaaaaars...''

Some''bo''dy once-- [''[[Speech Impediment|Unintelligible]]'']

[[Ohio trip|Spare some change for gas, I need to get away from]]

Self away from this ''place''

[''Growls'']

I sai', "Yup... ''WHA' CONCE'!''

I could use lotta fuel myself!

An' we could all use a little [''Leaning towards the camera''] ''chaaange!''"

[''[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Rising growl]]'']

Well, the years start comin'

And they don't stop comin'

I feh to the rules an' I hit the ground ruh

Di'n' make sense not to live for fun

Yer brain gets smart but yer head gets dumb

''So much'' to do, so much t'see

So what's wrong with takin' the backstre'

Ya never know if you don't go. [''Lurches towards the camera''] '''''GUH-OOH!'''''

Ya never knuh if ya don't [''Lurches again, but less intensely''] ''glow''

Hey now, you're an ahrl star

Get the game on, go blay

Hey now, you're a wock star

Get the show on, [[Monthly Tugboat|get pay]]

An' all that gli'ers is ''goool'!''

[''Growls'']

Only shootin' stars break the mol'?

An' ''all'' that gli'ers is gold

Only shoo'in' stars, break the frickin' ''moooold!''

[''Chris groans constipatedly one more time, picks up the camera, spins around and punches it to the ground.'']

==Singing All Star Part 2==

{{Infobox/video
| name = For Shrek's Eyes Only
| video = {{#ev:youtube|LZMB6TaxGZU}}
| stardate = 21 [[April 2018]]
| subject = {{Music|text}} {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Idea Guy|text}}
| shirt =
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[All Star#Singing All Star Part 1|All Star Part 1]]
| next = [[I’m Sorry for Ruining so many Fandoms]]
}}

The uncensored version can be found [https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5c2f79f5aa825 here], if you really need to see it.

===Description===
{{quotebox|This is how chris pays tribute to his lovers
- The guy in the "bluegras state"

You lose farms!}}

===Transcript===
{{Transcript}}

[''Scene opens to an empty shot of Chris' room with Chris himself just offscreen.''] 
I'm just gonna go ahead and boot it up. 
[''Silence''] 
[[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'm working on it]], Magi-Chan! 
[''More silence''] 
Do that real quick, get it out of the way. 
[''A few more seconds of silence until you're greeted with the sound of Chris pissing on the floor''] 
You do me? I mean..I..You let me do you first, and then I'll let you do me okay Hubby? 
[''Pissing continues''] 
Get this out of my system. 
[''Pissing stops''] 
I got one more thing, [''Slap''] ow. [''Unintelligible''] 
Sigh. 
[''A nude Chris then goes onscreen, stands next to a docked iPhone and then applies hand sanitizer''] 
Yes, picking' that up. 
For us Hubby. 
[''Chris wakes the phone up and All Star begins to play''] 
[''Chris sings in a flat monotone voice''] 
Some-BODY once told me the world is gonna roll me. 
[''He kneels onto the bed and the singing becomes more erratic''] 
I ain't the sharpest tool in the sheeeeeed! 
She was lookin' kinda dumb with her [''He mimes analingus on an invisible partner''] finger and her thumb- 
and the shape of an L on her forehead. 
Magibond! 
[''Mumbles''] 
[''Chris then moves towards the camera and begins to rub his taint while also building a falsetto''] 
Your brain gets smart and your head gets dumb! 
So much to do so much to see- 
So what's wrong with taking the backstreets? 
You never know if you don't go. 
You never stop if you don't know. 
[''For a few seconds he sounds like one of the Bee Gees and then his voice immediately drops back down''] 
Hey now! You're an allstar! 
[''He switches from taint rubbing to mass debating''] 
Get your game on go play! 
Hey now! You're a rockstar! 
Get the show on, get paid! 
And all that glitters is.. [''Sound cuts for a second''] 
[''Chris stops rapping and moves over to a body pillow''] 
-shootin' stars break the mold! 
[''Chris begins to fist the pillow as if it were a partner''] 
Cool place, and they say it gets colder. 
Bundle up now but you never get older. 
[''Mumbles''] satellite picture. 
Ice we skate [''Mumbles''] getting warm- 
so you might as well swim. [''Mumbles''] 
Yours? That's the way I like it and I never get BORED! 
[''Chris then gives the pillow doggy style''] 
Hey now! You're an allstar! Get the show on, get paid! 
HEY now! You're an allstar! Get the show on, get paid! 
And all that glitters is gold! Only shooting stars break- 
the MOLD! [''Chris sings to the instrumental part while still humping the pillow''] 
[''He then switches back to mass debating''] 
Rockstar, get the show on get paid! 
And all that glitters is GOOOLD! 
SHOOTIN' STARS BR- 
SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME [''Mumbles''] 
Get myself away from this place. 
I said yep, what a concept! 
[''Mumbles''] All use a little chaaaange! 
[''Mumbles''] smart but your head gets dumb 
So much to do, so much to see 
...what's wrong with TAKING the backstreet?! 
Uh, no, fairy snow 
Never shine if you don't know!

Hey now, you're an all star 
Get show on, get paid 
Hey now, you're a rock star 
Get the show on, get PAID 
And all that glitters is GOOOOLLLD 
...shooting stars break the MOOOOLD 
And all [''mumbling''] is gooooold 
Only shootin' stars break the MOOOOOOOLLLLDDD!!!!! 
[''music ends and all that's left is the unholy sound of Chris fapping'']

{{LeakedVideos}}
{{Troll Videos}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[April 2018 Paid Video Requests#Message to Dio Brando, Plus I Need a New Phone!|Message to Dio Brando, Plus I Need a New Phone!]]|nextlink=[[I’m Sorry for Ruining so many Fandoms]]}}

==See also==
* [[For Julie's Eyes Only]]
* [[Chris humps his PS3]]
* [[Sam and Ellen]]

==References==
<references/>

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2018]]
[[Category:Videos containing nudity]]

I'll Never Leave You, Ivy

2019-09-04T10:25:45Z

Hallowed Ween: also formatting

'''"I'll Never Leave You, Ivy"''' is the fifth song off of ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]''. It is [[Chris]]'s version of "[[Wikipedia:Wuthering Heights (song)|Wuthering Heights]]" by [[Wikipedia:Kate Bush|Kate Bush]]. Said song is notoriously difficult to sing thanks to Kate's high-pitched and fluctuating vocal style (which you can naturally hear in the background while Chris drones away in his signature monotone), so it shouldn't be a surprise to anybody that Chris is unable to retain the spirit of the original song.

Ironically, the title "I'll Never Leave You, Ivy" turned out to be correct, because [[Ivy]] dumped Chris before he had a chance to leave her.

==The Song==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "I'll Never Leave You, Ivy"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|LGzk-JTqXcM}}
| stardate = [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Ivy|text}}, {{Galpals|[[Love]]}}
| style =
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| saga =
| shirt =
| previous = [[I Gotta Make My Move]]
| next = [[Lovin' You]]
}}

===Lyrics===
[''sung over Kate Bush's "Wuthering Heights"'']

Out on our winding, front lawn
 We'd stroll and grace our green
 You have a great flare like my emotions
 [[Heart level|Heart felt, so happy.]]
 [[Ivy#July|Please never leave me]]
 When I would've felt unwound and lost
 I cared for you, I loved you, too.

Bad [[dreams]] in the night
 You told me not to give up the fight
 Leave behind my [[autism|autistic]], autistic, autistic shell...

[[Ivy]], it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way
 Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

Ooh, it gets dark! It gets lonely,
 While you are not by my side
 I pine a lot. I find the lot
 Falls through without you.
 I am still here, love
 Sweetest Ivy, my one dream
 My [[heartsweet]]

Too long I roamed in the night, before I found your sweet voice
 I'll leave my past,
 We remain here at [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]], Ruckersville, Ruckersville Home

 Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way
 Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

 Ooh! Let me have it.
 [[Chris_and_religion#Chris_the_Shaman|Let me grab your soul away.]]
 Ooh! Let me have it.
 Let me grab your soul away.
 You know it's me--Christian!

Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

[''At this point, Chris begins singing at a volume barely audible over the song.'']

Ivy, Ivy, Ivy

Ivy, Ivy, Ivy
 I love you, Ivy
 My sweetest Ivy, I love you, I'll never leave you in any way
 Oh Ivy, I love you, sweetest Ivy, and I'll never leave you in any way

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]
[[Category:Music]]

I'll Never Leave You, Ivy

2019-09-04T10:25:06Z

Hallowed Ween: the lyrics were right there on the album page

'''"I'll Never Leave You, Ivy"''' is the fifth song off of ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]''. It is [[Chris]]'s version of "[[Wikipedia:Wuthering Heights (song)|Wuthering Heights]]" by [[Wikipedia:Kate Bush|Kate Bush]]. Said song is notoriously difficult to sing thanks to Kate's high-pitched and fluctuating vocal style (which you can naturally hear in the background while Chris drones away in his signature monotone), so it shouldn't be a surprise to anybody that Chris is unable to retain the spirit of the original song.

Ironically, the title "I'll Never Leave You, Ivy" turned out to be correct, because [[Ivy]] dumped Chris before he had a chance to leave her.

==The Song==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "I'll Never Leave You, Ivy"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|LGzk-JTqXcM}}
| stardate = [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Ivy|text}}, {{Galpals|[[Love]]}}
| style =
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| saga =
| shirt =
| previous = [[I Gotta Make My Move]]
| next = [[Lovin' You]]
}}

===Lyrics===
[''sung over Kate Bush's "Wuthering Heights"'']

Out on our winding, front lawn
 We'd stroll and grace our green
 You have a great flare like my emotions
 [[Heart level|Heart felt, so happy.]]
 [[Ivy#July|Please never leave me]]
 When I would've felt unwound and lost
 I cared for you, I loved you, too.

Bad [[dreams]] in the night
 You told me not to give up the fight
 Leave behind my [[autism|autistic]], autistic, autistic shell...

[[Ivy]], it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way
Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

Ooh, it gets dark! It gets lonely,
 While you are not by my side
 I pine a lot. I find the lot
 Falls through without you.
 I am still here, love
 Sweetest Ivy, my one dream
 My [[heartsweet]]

Too long I roamed in the night, before I found your sweet voice
 I'll leave my past,
 We remain here at [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]], Ruckersville, Ruckersville Home

 Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way
 Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

 Ooh! Let me have it.
 [[Chris_and_religion#Chris_the_Shaman|Let me grab your soul away.]]
 Ooh! Let me have it.
 Let me grab your soul away.
 You know it's me--Christian!

Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

[''At this point, Chris begins singing at a volume barely audible over the song.'']

Ivy, Ivy, Ivy

Ivy, Ivy, Ivy
 I love you, Ivy
 My sweetest Ivy, I love you, I'll never leave you in any way
 Oh Ivy, I love you, sweetest Ivy, and I'll never leave you in any way

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]
[[Category:Music]]

I'll Never Leave You, Ivy

2019-09-04T08:41:27Z

Hallowed Ween: I also figured out I'm retarded at formatting

'''"I'll Never Leave You, Ivy"''' is the fifth song off of ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]''. It is [[Chris]]'s version of "[[Wikipedia:Wuthering Heights (song)|Wuthering Heights]]" by [[Wikipedia:Kate Bush|Kate Bush]]. Said song is notoriously difficult to sing thanks to Kate's high-pitched and fluctuating vocal style (which you can naturally hear in the background while Chris drones away in his signature monotone), so it shouldn't be a surprise to anybody that Chris is unable to retain the spirit of the original song.

Ironically, the title "I'll Never Leave You, Ivy" turned out to be correct, because [[Ivy]] dumped Chris before he had a chance to leave her.

==The Song==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "I'll Never Leave You, Ivy"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|LGzk-JTqXcM}}
| stardate = [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Ivy|text}}, {{Galpals|[[Love]]}}
| style =
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| saga =
| shirt =
| previous = [[I Gotta Make My Move]]
| next = [[Lovin' You]]
}}

===Lyrics===
[''sung over Kate Bush's "Wuthering Heights"'']

Out on our winding, front lawn
 We'd stroll and grace our green
 You have a great flare like my emotions
 [[Heart level|Heart felt, so happy.]]
 [[Ivy#July|Please never leave me]]
 When I would've felt unwound and lost
 I cared for you, I loved you, too.

Bad [[dreams]] in the night
 You told me not to give up the fight
 Leave behind my [[autism|autistic]], autistic, autistic shell...

[[Ivy]], it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way
Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

Ooh, it gets dark! It gets lonely,
 While you are not by my side
 I pine a lot. I find the lot
 Falls through without you.
 I am still here, love
 Sweetest Ivy, my one dream
 My [[heartsweet]]

Too long I roamed in the night, before I found your sweet voice
 I'll leave my past,
 We remain here at our [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]], Ruckersville, Ruckersville, home

 Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way
 Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

 Ooh! Let me have it.
 [[Chris_and_religion#Chris_the_Shaman|Let me grab your soul away.]]
 Ooh! Let me have it.
 Let me grab your soul away.
 You know it's me--Christian!

Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

[''At this point, Chris begins singing at a volume barely audible over the song.'']

Ivy, Ivy, Ivy

Ivy, Ivy, Ivy
 I love you, Ivy
 My sweetest Ivy, I love you, I'll never leave you in any way
 Oh Ivy, I love you, sweetest Ivy, and I'll never leave you in any way

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]
[[Category:Music]]

I'll Never Leave You, Ivy

2019-09-04T08:40:31Z

Hallowed Ween: I think I figured out the mumblings

'''"I'll Never Leave You, Ivy"''' is the fifth song off of ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]''. It is [[Chris]]'s version of "[[Wikipedia:Wuthering Heights (song)|Wuthering Heights]]" by [[Wikipedia:Kate Bush|Kate Bush]]. Said song is notoriously difficult to sing thanks to Kate's high-pitched and fluctuating vocal style (which you can naturally hear in the background while Chris drones away in his signature monotone), so it shouldn't be a surprise to anybody that Chris is unable to retain the spirit of the original song.

Ironically, the title "I'll Never Leave You, Ivy" turned out to be correct, because [[Ivy]] dumped Chris before he had a chance to leave her.

==The Song==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "I'll Never Leave You, Ivy"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|LGzk-JTqXcM}}
| stardate = [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Ivy|text}}, {{Galpals|[[Love]]}}
| style =
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| saga =
| shirt =
| previous = [[I Gotta Make My Move]]
| next = [[Lovin' You]]
}}

===Lyrics===
[''sung over Kate Bush's "Wuthering Heights"'']

Out on our winding, front lawn
 We'd stroll and grace our green
 You have a great flare like my emotions
 [[Heart level|Heart felt, so happy.]]
 [[Ivy#July|Please never leave me]]
 When I would've felt unwound and lost
 I cared for you, I loved you, too.

Bad [[dreams]] in the night
 You told me not to give up the fight
 Leave behind my [[autism|autistic]], autistic, autistic shell...

[[Ivy]], it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way
Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

Ooh, it gets dark! It gets lonely,
 While you are not by my side
 I pine a lot. I find the lot
 Falls through without you.
 I am still here, love
 Sweetest Ivy, my one dream
 My [[heartsweet]]

Too long I roamed in the night, before I found your sweet voice
 I'll leave my past,
 We remain here at our [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]], Ruckersville, Ruckersville, home

 Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way
 Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

 Ooh! Let me have it.
 [[Chris_and_religion#Chris_the_Shaman|Let me grab your soul away.]]
 Ooh! Let me have it.
 Let me grab your soul away.
 You know it's me--Christian!

Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

['At this point, Chris begins singing at a volume barely audible over the song.']

Ivy, Ivy, Ivy

Ivy, Ivy, Ivy
I love you, Ivy
My sweetest Ivy, I love you, I'll never leave you in any way
Oh Ivy, I love you, sweetest Ivy, and I'll never leave you in any way

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]
[[Category:Music]]

I'll Never Leave You, Ivy

2019-09-04T08:27:45Z

Hallowed Ween: /* Lyrics */

'''"I'll Never Leave You, Ivy"''' is the fifth song off of ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]''. It is [[Chris]]'s version of "[[Wikipedia:Wuthering Heights (song)|Wuthering Heights]]" by [[Wikipedia:Kate Bush|Kate Bush]]. Said song is notoriously difficult to sing thanks to Kate's high-pitched and fluctuating vocal style (which you can naturally hear in the background while Chris drones away in his signature monotone), so it shouldn't be a surprise to anybody that Chris is unable to retain the spirit of the original song.

Ironically, the title "I'll Never Leave You, Ivy" turned out to be correct, because [[Ivy]] dumped Chris before he had a chance to leave her.

==The Song==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "I'll Never Leave You, Ivy"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|LGzk-JTqXcM}}
| stardate = [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Ivy|text}}, {{Galpals|[[Love]]}}
| style =
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| saga =
| shirt =
| previous = [[I Gotta Make My Move]]
| next = [[Lovin' You]]
}}

===Lyrics===
[''sung over Kate Bush's "Wuthering Heights"'']

Out on our winding, front lawn
 We'd stroll and grace our green
 You have a great flare like my emotions
 [[Heart level|Heart felt, so happy.]]
 [[Ivy#July|Please never leave me]]
 When I would've felt unwound and lost
 I cared for you, I loved you, too.

Bad [[dreams]] in the night
 You told me not to give up the fight
 Leave behind my [[autism|autistic]], autistic, autistic shell...

[[Ivy]], it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way
Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

Ooh, it gets dark! It gets lonely,
 While you are not by my side
 I pine a lot. I find the lot
 Falls through without you.
 I am still here, love
 Sweetest Ivy, my one dream
 My [[heartsweet]]

Too long I roamed in the night, before I found your sweet voice
 I'll leave my past,
 We remain here at our [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]], Ruckersville, Ruckersville, home

 Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way
 Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

 Ooh! Let me have it.
 [[Chris_and_religion#Chris_the_Shaman|Let me grab your soul away.]]
 Ooh! Let me have it.
 Let me grab your soul away.
 You know it's me--Christian!

Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

[''Occasional mumblings and a random "Ivy" can be heard up until the end'']

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]
[[Category:Music]]

I'll Never Leave You, Ivy

2019-09-04T08:21:05Z

Hallowed Ween: nice copy paste skills

'''"I'll Never Leave You, Ivy"''' is the fifth song off of ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]''. It is [[Chris]]'s version of "[[Wikipedia:Wuthering Heights (song)|Wuthering Heights]]" by [[Wikipedia:Kate Bush|Kate Bush]]. Said song is notoriously difficult to sing thanks to Kate's high-pitched and fluctuating vocal style (which you can naturally hear in the background while Chris drones away in his signature monotone), so it shouldn't be a surprise to anybody that Chris is unable to retain the spirit of the original song.

Ironically, the title "I'll Never Leave You, Ivy" turned out to be correct, because [[Ivy]] dumped Chris before he had a chance to leave her.

==The Song==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "I'll Never Leave You, Ivy"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|LGzk-JTqXcM}}
| stardate = [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Ivy|text}}, {{Galpals|[[Love]]}}
| style =
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| saga =
| shirt =
| previous = [[I Gotta Make My Move]]
| next = [[Lovin' You]]
}}

===Lyrics===
[''sung over Kate Bush's "Wuthering Heights"'']

Out on our winding, front lawn
 We'd stroll and grace our green
 You have a great flare like my emotions
 [[Heart level|Heart felt, so happy.]]
 [[Ivy#July|Please never leave me]]
 When I would've felt unwound and lost
 I cared for you, I loved you, too.

Bad [[dreams]] in the night
 You told me not to give up the fight
 Leave behind my [[autism|autistic]], autistic, autistic shell...

[[Ivy]], it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way
Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

Ooh, it gets dark! It gets lonely,
 While you are not by my side
 I pine a lot. I find the lot
 Falls through without you.
 I am still here, love
 Sweetest Ivy, my one dream
 My [[heartsweet]]

Too long I roamed in the night, before I found your sweet voice
 I'll leave my past,
 We remain here in [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]], Ruckersville, Ruckersville, [[Virginia]].

 Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way
 Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

 Ooh! Let me have it.
 [[Chris_and_religion#Chris_the_Shaman|Let me grab your soul away.]]
 Ooh! Let me have it.
 Let me grab your soul away.
 You know it's me--Christian!

Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

Ivy, it's me, I’m Christian, I've come home and I'll never leave you in any way

[''Occasional mumblings and a random "Ivy" can be heard up until the end'']

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category:Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]
[[Category:Music]]

(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise

2019-09-03T07:18:16Z

Hallowed Ween: pronunciation implies a different word

[[Image:ECP 00024.jpg|thumb|left|C-Chan up in dis mothafucka.]]
[[Image:ECP 00025.jpg|thumb|Even my mama thinks that my mind is gone!]]

"'''(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise'''" is [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]'s version of [[Wikipedia:Coolio|Coolio]]'s "[[Wikipedia:Gangsta's Paradise|Gangsta's Paradise]]," featured in their second album, ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]''. The song deals with [[Chris]]'s struggle against [[Clyde Cash]] from Clyde's point of view.

==Listen==
{{Infobox/video
| name = "(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|t-uY2QpW51I}}
| stardate = [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{smug|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| shirt =
| previous = [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme]]
| next = [[CWC Like a Virgin]]
}}

===Lyrics===
[''sung over Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise"'']

As I walk through the valley of wallow and dark shame 
I take a look at my life and I realize there's nothing here 
Cuz I've been blastin' and laughin' so long, that 
Even my [[Barbara Chandler|mama]] thinks that my [[Chris and psychology|mind is gone]]

But I ain't never left my [[computer]], dog gone it 
Me be [[Kick the Autistic|treated like a punk]], I take it out on that guy 
[[Chris and hypocrisy|I have too much stress and free time, I can't enjoy it]] 
I am a stressed homeboy imprisoned in [[lulz]]

A cheap laugh on that guy's lone expense 
As they croak I see myself worse off than that fool 
I'm the kinda 'G' no one gives a cryin' dime to care 
On my knees in the night ''(sped up)'' 
Saying prayers in the LCD light

We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradi~ise 
We been spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise

Look at the situation, they got me facin' 
I can't live a normal life, I was raised by the street 
So I gotta lay it down as [[Clyde Cash|Clyde No-cash]] 
Too much [[Internet]] surfin' got me tauntin' dreams

I'm an stupid 'lil fool with [[Kimmi|fake sex]] on my mind 
Got my mouse in my hand and a [[Semen|soda]]-stained keyboard 
I'm [[Financhu Crisis|locked in]] [[Punchy|ninja]] ding dang ganger 
I keep my homies not here, so I'm a lonely dope, G 

[[Bob|...eath ai-ain't nothing but a heartbeat away]] 
I'm livin life, yo, do or die, what can I say? 
I'm [[BlueSpike|thirteen]] now, but will I live to see any-MOE?! 
The way things are going I don't know

...me why are why are so blind to see that the ones we hurt are you and me ''(sings 2 times faster)'' 
The... things... we... see... ''(catches up)'' ...hurt are you and me?

We... we...

W-w-we b-been spending most of our lives 
Living in a gang-trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a grollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise

[[Power]] and no [[money]], money and no power 
Minute after minute, hour after hour 
Everybody's typing, but half of them ain't carin' 
... [[Bob Walks In|It's goin' on in the kitchen]], but I don't know what's hangin'

They gotta learn lame words, learnin' to- er- teach me 
If they can't understand it, how can they reach me 
I guess they can't, I guess they won't 
I guess I front, that's why I know my life is not well spent, G.

We been spending most of our lives 
Living in the trollsta's paradise 
We been spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise 
We keep spending most of our lives 
Living in a trollsta's paradise

Tell me why are we, so blind to see, that the ones we hurt 
Are you and me? ''(pause)'' Tell me why! We are we! 
So blind to see! The ones we hurt! Are you and me! ''(pause)'' 
''(catches up)'' ...ones we hurt are you and me?

==Covers==
<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = (Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise cover
| video = {{#ev:youtube|3dSqTxqMlrE}}
| stardate = 13 [[February 2015]]
| maker = [http://guwange.bandcamp.com GUWANGE]
| subject = (Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise
| type = Song Cover
| info = From the album [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]] (Deluxe Edition).
}}</center>

<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Trollsta's Paradise
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-V81-XXCkOc}}
| stardate = 18 [[February 2019]]
| maker = Smoky Chris
| subject = (Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise
| type = Song Cover
}}</center>

==Link to Download==
* [http://pbouns.com/christian_weston_chandler.html Scroll down a bit and it should be there]

==See also==
* [[Sonic the Hedgehog (film)]] - The first trailer for this film prominently uses the original version of this song, "Gangsta's Paradise".

{{Hedgehog Boys}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Clyde's Trollsta's Paradise}}
[[Category:Yo! CWC Raps]]
[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]
[[Category:Music]]

Chris Destroys His Vibrator

2019-06-04T07:26:51Z

Hallowed Ween: unpiping from lie

"'''Chris Destroys His Vibrator'''" (officially "'''ECV 00050'''") is a video in which [[Chris]] explains why he had to make [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|the two videos]] suggesting that he was [[homos|gay]], in order to satisfy an agreement with [[Clyde Cash]]. He then attempts to honor another agreement with Clyde by [[CWC Update 18 January 2009|further]] destroying his [[vibrator]]. Or rather, he ''tries'' to destroy his vibrator, fails, and simply takes it apart in a manner that would allow him to easily reassemble it.

Chris apparently doesn't seem to understand that if he were actually straight, he would've disposed of the dildo the moment he got it instead of storing it in his room.

It is implied in this video that Christian could not issue this retraction until "one man" emailed him to say he recognized the "super secret" clues in the previous videos. Apparently, if no one had solved the mystery Chris would have been forced to live as a homo forever.

==Description==
{{quotebox|I am Striaght ''[sic]'', and it took a Forced Lie in the previous video to make that Perfectly Clear. }}

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Destroys His Vibrator
| video = {{#ev:youtube|v_uQFeFaxfg}}
| stardate = 06 [[February 2009]]
| subject = {{Homos|text}} {{Sex|text}}
| saga = {{Julie|text}}, {{Clyde|text}}
| shirt = {{StraightWhiteLinesShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Chris_Comes_Out_of_the_Closet#Take_2|Chris Comes Out of the Closet, Take 2]]
| next = [[CWC Update 8 February 2009#Video|CWC Update 8 February 2009]]
}}
{{quote|I was lying out of my ass!|Chris, who is [[Homos#Chris the Homo|definitely not a homo]].}}

=== Transcript ===

[''smacks [[PSEye]] for no apparent reason''] Hello. Y'all may—some of you may have seen the, uh, video, which—of which I recently ''up''...lo--''loaded''...sayin’ that I was, uh...of the wrong...[[Homo|orientation]]. But any-—but I w—-I wanted to let y'all know that...I on—-I did that...to save the life...of a trusted [[Julie|gal-pal]]. And she is eternally grateful from—-to me for it. So, th—-so, yes, as you can tell from my...non-verbal ''clues'', I was lying out of my ass! But I did it to save a l-—to save ''her'' life, 'cause...[[Clyde Cash]]...would've harmed her, but I have gotten ''his word'' that, uh, he would not lay a finger on her.

And also, I had to make another...slight promise—-uh...another promise, after making that-—after ''that'': that I, uh, get rid of some...of my...unnecessary possessions. I wanted to let—-I wanted to, uh, let him know, anyway, that I've already started. [''reaches off-camera for something'']

I destroyed… [''drops it, picks it up, puts it back in his hand''] ''this''. [''presents a disassembled [[vibrator]]'']

[''Jump cut to Chris, apparently pre-disassembly, trying to snap the vibrator in half with his bare hands, followed by another jump cut showing Chris really straining to break the vibrator. Another jump cut occurs, and he simply pulls the vibrator's two halves apart as they're designed to come apart, before pulling the motor out in another jump cut.'']

[''Jump cut back to Chris holding the two halves in one hand''] Dun-dun-''dunnn''! [''holds the pieces out like the [http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/card-crusher Card Crusher] before throwing them down on the floor'']

The—''that'' deed is done. I am ''straight''. ''I am straight.''

And it only—-and it took me the, uh, one time...where I actually had to say the word...that I hated so much...for the first time in my life, ever. And then, later, it took...one man to, uh, send me an e-mail, lettin' me know that he ''realized'' the non-verbal clues...leading to—-like, I was being forced to do that, and I had to lie out my ass.

Y'all can, uh, view the previously uploaded video...in its originality...[''sniffles''] and unaltered spec-—in an unaltered-—unaltered sense in my current Yah-—[[YouTube]] account. But...I think I have proven myself well enough. [[Mass debating|I was holding onto my ''manhood'']]-—my straightness-—by having [[Optimus Prime]] in my lap...[''reaches off-camera for the [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail]] and holds it up''] and my Sailor Moon poster behind me...that I look at every night to help keep me straight. [''puts poster away'']

I was ''born'' straight, and I will never be changed that way. Thank you.

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Christian Weston Chandler: Test your might!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ydcRfctzkjI }}
| stardate = 12 [[February 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/MajorIronwood '''MajorIronwood''']
| subject =
| type = ''Mortal Kombat'' Remix
| info = FINISH HIM!
}}

==See also==

*[[The MovingFoward videos]]
*[[Sign Destruction Video]]
*[[Smashing]]
*[[Sex toys]]
*[[Homos]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]|nextlink=[[CWC Update 8 February 2009]]|}}
{{Troll Videos}}

{{Clyde Saga}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries|2009-02-06]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, February 2009| 2009-02-06]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2009-02-06]]
[[Category:Julie saga videos| 2009-02-06]]
[[Category:Videos about homos| 2009-02-06]]

Homos

2019-04-17T12:06:06Z

Hallowed Ween: CWC-jargon correction

{{Ongoing}}
{{Articleofthenow}}

{{Quote|I Am Straight; [[China|Vaginas]] and [[Plush breasts|Boobies]] Give Me MY [[Duck|ERECTIONS]]; You Damn Homos have NO CHANCE with me EVER.|[[Chris]].<ref>[[Mailbag 31]]</ref>}}
{{Quote|There Was a time before I realized mine being a female soul trapped in a male-born body, when I was homophobic. But I became better aware of these kind and open-hearted people, and learned how understanding and compassionate they are, and with that, losing the homophobia, I felt more at peace with myself and those around me.|Chris evolves.<ref>[[January_2017_Facebook_Posts#Open_letter_to_Barron_Trump]]</ref>}}

[[Image:RainbowChris.jpg|thumb|Fun fact: [[Rainbow]] colors are the internationally recognized colors for the gay pride movement.]]

'''Homos''' was the pejorative term by which Chris referred to gay people--almost invariably gay males--nigh exclusively at the time of his discovery. He had also occasionally used phrases such as "those of the wrong orientation", because even saying the word "homo" or "gay" made him uncomfortable. Chris's former ire for male homosexuals was confusing, since they, of all people, posed the least threat to his [[Love Quest]], and seemed to be motivated entirely by his own sexual insecurities.

From the very beginning of his [[internet]] fame in [[2007]], his extreme opposition to homosexuality and his neurotic, obsessive demand that everyone "[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|STAY STRAIGHT]]" had been one of his most noted and exploited aspects, until he came out as a "[[Tomgirl|transgender lesbian]]" in [[2014]], at which point he gradually recanted previous homophobic statements, becoming supportive of equality.

==Past homophobia==

{{quote|"Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation."|Chris. <ref>E-mail to Megan, "I'm sorry... *[[sigh]]*:; Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm</ref>}}

Chris's homophobia apparently grew out of the complex stew of his [[noviophobia]], his failure to achieve his Love Quest, his admiration for [[My Little Pony|girly toys]], his own [[Chris and gender|gender confusion]], his loathing of [[muscle bra|male bodies]], and [[autism]]. His terror was such that he was barely able to bring himself to even utter the word "gay" or any other term concerning gay people, except of course for "homo." He struggled with intrusive homosexual thoughts<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3]]</ref>; he said that he couldn't even look at a picture of a [[pickle]] without being "freaked out."<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref> In [[Kill De Jack]], Chris revealed that he had to cover a section of his computer screen with a piece of paper so that he could browse the [[CWCipedia]] without looking at [[Jack Thaddeus]]'s pro-gay advertisements. Nothing got Chris angrier than being "mislabeled" as a homo.

Chris was not simply afraid of becoming a homo himself--he hated all gay men. This animosity seemed to result primarily from his fear of them (and all men) and their supposed ability or desire to make him gay. He had often characterized the [[trolls]] - all of them - as homos, which is either a basic ''ad hominem'' attack or a sincere belief that anyone who draws penises on [[Rosechu (character)|Rosechu]] must be gay. It also revealed a belief that all of his trolls are male, since Chris used "homo" exclusively in reference to gay men. This notion is not only [[Vivian Gee|demonstrably false]], but in fact [[Chris and reality|completely delusional]], since many of Chris's greatest trolls have been women, and Chris knows it. This exercise in selective memory likely stems from Chris's loathing of male [[JERKS]] and inversely-proportional adoration of [[Gal-pals|women]].

Notably, in [[IRC (02 January 2009)|an IRC chat]] from 2 [[January 2009]], Chris made this statement:

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "[[Wikipedia:Deck the Halls|Deck the Halls]]"|Chris, 2 January 2009, 11:59.}}

[[Image:Bionic2.jpg|thumb|Chris projects his repressed homosexuality onto [[Bionic the Hedgehog|one of his own abominations]].]]

Chris further went on to propose a bizarre form of conversion therapy in which all gay men would be imprisoned and made to sleep with both female offenders and prostitutes against their will (read: basically rape), thereby "reprogramming" them. Interestingly, a certain [[wikipedia:Heinrich Himmler|Herr Himmler]] had a similar idea, suggesting that "pink triangle" concentration camp prisoners be forced to sleep with (female) camp prostitutes.

{{quote|[they would be] taken in and reprogrammed with multiple upon multiple pleasurable moments with female prison inmates and prosts.|Chris<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/IRC_(02_January_2009)</ref>}}

On 30 [[January 2010]], Chris voiced his sagacious opinion about the ban on homosexuals serving openly in the American military. He advocated the lifting of the ban, but only so that "[[Mailbag 49#Chris loves his country|the homos can go die in explosions]]."

The universe of [[CWCville]] also saw an anti-gay jihad. On 5 [[January 2010]], Chris stated that [[Magi-Chan]] keeps a constant psychic surveillance to ensure that there are no homos in CWCville.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Mailbag_31#Magi-Chan_knows_when_you_fuck</ref> When evidence of homosexuality is found, the people involved are [[Chris and the Law|arrested and fined heavily]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris's comic self travels into the future, where scientists have successfully isolated the "homo gene" (An idea stolen from the ''[[Family Guy]]'' episode "[[Wikipedia:Family Gay|Family Gay]]"). They have not, however, isolated the "straight gene", and are only able to when Chris donates his own blood (Chris has once remarked that [[Wikipedia:Sonderbehandlung|homosexuality could be cured by injecting blood from straight men into homosexuals]]). Chris then brought back to the present enough of the "cure" to turn every gay person on Earth straight. Ironically, a vaccination traditionally consists of introducing a small amount of the disease to a body to stimulate the immune system - so Chris unwittingly implied that his blood contains the dreaded homo virus.

A classic case of Chris's homophobia surfaced in the struggle over advertisements on his CWCipedia. Jack Thaddeus purchased ad space on the CWCipedia to put up 2 ads. One featured Peter Griffin of ''Family Guy'', pointing out that he and his creator, Seth MacFarlane, were supportive of gay rights; and the other promoted Mexican tourism with a cartoon [[pickle]]. Chris unsurprisingly went berserk, stating:

{{quote|I understand you getting paid to run ads in that box on the Cwcipedia. I feel okay with Vivian's [[Audiobooks]], BUT I feel OFFENDED with the Mexico Contest and Gay-Rights Ads. The Pickle on the Mexico ad reminds me of a terrible time in my past with Pickle-Suited TROLLS, and '''I AM AGAINST HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLES and FOR STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUALITY.'''|Chris.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:WikiSysop#The_New_Ad-Links</ref>}}

In protest, Chris replaced Jack Thaddeus's gay-friendly ads with ads for [[wikipedia:Love In Action|Love In Action]] (an "ex-gay" ministry), ProtectMarriage.com (a site promoting [[wikipedia:California Proposition 8 (2008)|Proposition 8]]), and a site calling for a boycott of Pepsi due to their gay-friendliness. To sum it up, in one fell swoop, Chris managed to put in three big things that would ''not'' win him any gay friends whatsoever.

As with his fear of becoming a homo, the origins of Chris's deep homophobia are not clear. Certainly [[Bob]] had an influence, as the [[Matthew Noble call]] showed that he had the same kind of deranged hatred and prejudice as his son. On 7 January 2010, when answering the question of how he began hating the gay population, we got this interesting insight:

{{quote|I estimate that I started hating them about Summer, [[2003]] just after I started my Sweetheart Search, where I received the response from one woman, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I am a Lesbian." That, combined with my PAST dislike of MEN in general AND the later pictured images of such acts led me to DISGUST AND HATRED FOR THE HOMOSEXUALS. Plus ALL of the Homos within the Trolls AND all Homosexual Fans with their WRONGFUL Quoting of MY comics and characters in THEIR PAPERS and ESSAYS promoting homosexuality, and EVEN WORSE a Sonichu BALLOON in one of their God DAMED Pride Parades!!! ALL OF THESE FACTORS have ONLY made my view of the Homosexual Males WORSE!|[[Common Questions#Answered 07 January 2010|Chris, before finally stating (for the umpteenth time) that Sonichu is straight.]]}}

If this is true, Chris made no reference to it at the time, restricting his hatred solely to the heterosexual male [[JERKS]]. It is certainly ironic considering his more recent views on lesbianism. It also adds another interesting aspect to his hatred: Chris's frustration with homos is influenced by his being childish and whiny about not getting his way with ''one'' woman who turned him down. We wouldn't expect anything different from him.

He later expressed anxiety towards gays in his classic "[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|Future Message]]," released in February 2007.

Chris knows that his homophobia was unpopular with his fans, and he often tried to persuade the public that he respects homosexuals for "who they are". However, he usually betrayed his sincere intolerance of different lifestyles soon afterward - often within the same statement. On [[CWC Update 18 February 2009|18 February 2009]], for example, Chris issued one of his retractions of his previous homophobic remarks and declared that he respects "the gay people" just as he respects his gal pals and his [[List of Chris's sweethearts|sweethearts]]. However, this was done at the insistence of [[Julie]]; [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|a mere month later]] Chris was [[Chris and religion|reciting verses from the Bible]] to once again preach against the vile homos.

On 14 [[June 2009]], Chris posted a "[[music]]" [[video]] called "[[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]", which, in his tradition of ruining everything you ever loved, is a homophobic version of [[Wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]]'s satirical song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from ''[[Wikipedia:The Boondocks|The Boondocks]]''. Later on that same day, he published an [[I'm Sorry, Dude|apology]] for the video and insisted that he likes gays who "ac...accomplish other things, like [[Wikipedia:Stephen Fry|Stephen Fry]], who was a homosexual, but y'know he did a good job being a narrator on ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''." Chris was of course unaware of the various other career accomplishments of Stephen Fry. It seems that this apology was only posted in the first place for the sake of his gal-pal [[Kim]]'s boyfriend, whose gay brother apparently lost both his arms in Iraq.

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be [[Warning - Naughty Women ;)|having sex with THREE WOMEN?"]]]]

On 6 August 2009, at a time when the trolls were getting the most mileage out of baiting Chris regarding his sexual orientation, Chris posted a wide-ranging, [[Chris and anger|hate-fuelled]] rant on the [[CWCipedia]] which he hoped would clear up all misconceptions. His "Address to the Homosexuals," subtitled "I AM STRAIGHT!!! NOT HOMO; NOT BI; STRAIGHT!!! GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULLS!" is a classic statement on the issue. Unfortunately it had no noticeable effect on the trolling. The essay in full<ref>https://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality</ref>:

{{quotebox|
Good day, I write this essay with sound mind to address the major issues that has been bugging me constantly for the past few yeas, The Pressure and '''Stress''' FROM the Homosexual Population.

First off, as I have said OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND '''OVER Infinite Number Of Times''', ''I, “Christopher” Christian “Ricardo” Weston Chandler, AM STRAIGHT.'' '''[[Tomgirl Saga|No Question or Shadow of a Doubt, EVER.]]'''

I personally respect the individual people as fellow human beings, and I am cool with associating with them as acquaintances and friends, but Please Do Not Wave Around what you do behind closed doors around me; '''NOBODY CARES TO KNOW; I PERSONALLY DO NOT CARE TO KNOW.''' Even within my imagination, I Do Not Care to even have the pictures Randomly Pop up in my head. Every time of such pictures’ appearance, ''I feel Queasy and want to Throw Up.'' I humbly apologize for being offensive, but that is how I feel.

As a human being, I have no hard feelings conversing and associating with the homosexuals at any time. Individually, they each have a right to their own opinions, perceptions and peaceful lives. I fully understand and respect that.

''The only thing that really Grinds My Gears Harshly is being '''Wrongfully Labeled as a Homosexual when I am straight.'''''

I am aware of the way I [[Speech impediment|stutter]], space my words and all that from the way I talk, but I assure you, that I sometimes have trouble fully comprehending situations and status at first; it sometimes takes me a long while before I can fully comprehend and make an appropriate reaction. In another word, ''I am Sometimes Retarded.''

And the ONLY REASON I have not had sex yet in my lifetime WITH A WOMAN yet, is because '''the WHOLE TIME, I have been SHY'''; kept down with the ''Personal Fear of nearly EVERY Woman I see being Already Paired-Up with a Boyfriend''. I am not a man who likes confrontations with the guy who has spoken for the woman I’m eying over. And during my High School Years, '''I WAS NAÏVE on the subject of DATING''' (''Bring in Dating Education Classes, and Run them Alongside or Before Sexual Education, and make Dating Education Equally Mandatory)''. [[Honor roll|It had not dawned on me that I NEEDED TO BE DATING until AFTER I had turned Twenty-One-Years Old]], during my Third Year attending Piedmont Virginia Community College.

And my '''Sonichu and Rosechu Comic Pages'''; again, I understand each individual person has their own perception of things, BUT Contrary to the individual perceptions among some people, '''The Comics, Drawings, and ALL Words ALL HAD NO MEANING OF ANYTHING Homosexual Whatsoever!''' I Personally in Real Life AND in the Comic Pages and all that '''PROMOTE BEING STRAIGHT''', No Question or Shadow of a Doubt.

All Those of You have Heavily Wrongfully Misunderstood Parts of All the Comic Pages and all that of such.

'''I, All my Sonichus, Rosechus, and citizens of Cwcville, Virginia, Do Not Appreciate At All Being Wrongfully Labled as homosexuals. IT REALLY INFURIATES ME, Sonichu, Rosechu and EVERYBODY ELSE.'''

I have also heard of My Sonichu being ''written in College Essays that promote homosexuality.'' And even worse, ''promoting him in the Gay Pride Parades.'' '''WRONG LABELS; STOP WRITING OR PROMOTING ME OR MY CHARACTERS AS SUCH!''' ''[[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|ALL Sonichus Are Straight!]] [[Silvana Rosechu|ALL Rosechus Are Straight!]] I Am Straight! My Comics are STRAIGHT COMICS.'' I, Sonichu and Rosechu, '''We Never Want to be part of ANY AND ALL Homosexual-Promoting Papers or Events, because with EVERY ITEM that is created from NOT OF MY OWN HANDS that EVEN Inklings such Wrongful Labelings upon, ME, Sonichu, Rosechu, and ALL MY STRAIGHT CHARACTERS, WE ARE ALL BEING DISREPECTED!'''

We will Never Take the Misunderstandings, Mislabelings And All The Like Sitting Down.

I, Personally, would RATHER have a PAINFUL Gender-Change Operation than EVER Turn Homosexual.

'''So, to reiterate, I, and 96 % of ALL CHARACTERS, are ALL STRAIGHT!''' ''NEVER EVER CALL me, my comics, or any of MY STRAIGHT Characters GAY!''

<nowiki>*</nowiki>sigh*

And to conclude, while I personally do not care about the homosexual lifestyle that swift, and I personally respect each individual homosexual person as individual human beings, '''The MAIN thing that really Infuriates Me is being called gay. DO NOT EVER Call Me Gay, or EVER Question My Sexual Orientation.
'''

''I, “Christopher” Christian “Ricardo” Weston Chandler, Am Straight. Period.
''

Thank you.}}

On 12 January 2010, Chris again appeared to soften his stance, saying that "I am decreeing that homosexuals will have equal relationship rights within CWCville." However, in the same breath Chris clarified, "gay marriage is still Illegal and Wrong. And [[Magi-Chan]] will stay out of those people's heads under my request."<ref>[[CWC Blog#12 January 2010]]</ref> The reason why gay marriage isn't an "equal relationship right" is not readily apparent.

===Defenses against becoming a homo===
[[Image:CWCIsSTRAIGHT.jpg|thumb|According to Chris, heterosexuals defend their sexuality by stomping on [[vibrator]]s and showcasing index cards indicating their straightness on their shoes.]]
It's hard work for a warrior of true love and honesty to stay straight. Chris used many strange and totemic objects, from a [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|poster of Sailor Moon]] to his [[Optimus Prime]] toy, to aggressively assert his straightness. Chris has said that he stared at his Sailor Moon poster every day to stave off temptations of homosexuality. The centerfold poster of [[The Simpsons#Marge poster|Marge Simpson's ''Playboy'' edition]] was another of Chris's many defenses against becoming a homo. The fact that she is a married cartoon character does not seem to have dissuaded him. Chris also subscribed to ''Playboy'' to help keep himself straight. You could tell he's straight because when he's explaining what he finds attractive in women it only takes five seconds for him to get around to breasts and china.

When homosexual (or potentially homosexual) fans sent Chris questions on the CWCipedia asking for tips to STAY STRAIGHT, Chris tended to suggest what essentially amounts to self-brainwashing. Some of his ideas included thinking of naked women and how awesome they are, and imagining being struck by painful lightning whenever a homosexual thought occurs.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> He also clarified that one needs not buy a Sailor Moon poster in particular; any poster featuring attractive women (preferably in bikinis and looking sexy) will do the trick. He believes these rituals are necessary to "maintain" sexual attraction to women.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Mailbag 3#Hypnotize away the gay|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 3#Sexy posters|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 4#Dissolving homoerotic thoughts in stomach acid|Mailbag #4]]</ref>

Chris has also encouraged women to not [[Alcohol|drink]], [[Tobacky|smoke]], or be physically abused while pregnant, as this could cause the baby to be born homosexual, as if Homosexuality is like Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. <ref>[[Mailbag 5#Daniel Tammet/Punching your baby will make it gay|Mailbag #5]]</ref> Chris is also convinced that his chances of becoming homosexual have been raised because he did not engage in heterosexual intercourse before maturation,<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Dating_Education</ref> hence his oft-stated regret that he did not get [[dating education]] classes in high school, and his recommendation that they be made available for the youth of today.

Considering the myriad of habits Chris has cultivated which are highly atypical for a straight male, it seems certain that he has been at the very least sexually confused. He is demonstrably very aggressive and insecure about it.

==Lesbianism==
Whereas Chris's discomfort with homosexual males has been fairly consistent, his views on lesbianism have wildly vacillated. In Chris's ''Carrie'' rip-off, "[[The High School Story]]", his Mary Sue character Terrah LeAnne Yowman is ridiculed and accused of being a lesbian by kids at her high school because she hangs around with male friends. As the work serves as a backstory to the villainous [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], Terrah's bullying may have served as a fictional inverse parallel to the endless accusations of homosexuality lodged by Chris' detractors, illustrating Chris' worldview of implied homosexuality as an insult.

{{quote|She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating [[Creepy stare|glare]] with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a Strong, Straight [[Christian Weston Chandler|Homophobe]] would attack that bully with [[Chris and religion|No Mercy]]; beat the crap out of that person.|"[[The High School Story]]"}}

On 25 July 2009, Chris produced a [[CWC "Boyfriend"|rambling and nonsensical video]] to the tune of Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend". In the middle of the video, Chris sings about the importance of "being straight" and intersperses a "STAY STRAIGHT" caption on a photo of a lesbian couple split in two.

{{quote|
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me!
Hey, you! Hey, you!
You need to be straight, girl!
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend! }}

Later, Chris would gradually revise his former hard-line attitude against lesbians. In ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', Chris goes out of his way to state that the children of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] are watched over by [[Heather Iglesias]], whom he characterizes as "a pretty, trustworthy, good natured Spanish Lesbian."<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu">[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Cwcipedia: Sonichu]</ref> He further mentions that Heather keeps her sexuality a secret from the kids at the request of Sonichu himself.<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu"/> Chris may have shoehorned a lesbian character into ''Sonichu'' to appear more tolerant, but his attempt comes off as half-hearted in light of his continual derision of gay men and insistence that Heather hide her sexuality.

In [[Mumble 1]], which took place on the last day of 2009, Chris declared his support for lesbians and reiterated his simultaneous hatred for gay men, stating that he hated [[JERKS]] in general, and how (typically) a porn DVD helped to soften his view on lesbians. In effect, Chris claimed that he supports lesbians because he believes women are beautiful, and hates gay men because men are icky.

{{quote|Uhh. Pretty much but it's like you know, between lesbians, it's like, hmm, partial [dis]courage. But then it's- but then again, but then between guys instead I would definitely 100% discourage. In my humble opinion...I've uh talked to others before with uh, [[PandaHalo|Sarah]], my uh s-s-Sarah, my girlfriend. I can not be willing to do a threesome with uh two women, but defina- but definitely never with two guys.|Chris, [[Mumble 1]]}}

{{quote|Yes, Yes they are- yes they're they're more beautf- they're more beautiful. They're like, they're really- they're truly like works of art in their own way- just like yeah you know, just like you know the statues that uh, were in past times.|Chris, [[Mumble 1]]}}

On 28 [[March 2013]], Chris posted a public [[Facebook#Gay Marriage |Facebook message]] whining about repeat media coverage of the Supreme Court's [[:wikipedia:Hollingsworth v. Perry|Proposition 8]] and [[:wikipedia:United States v. Windsor|DOMA]] deliberations. In it, he reiterated his support for lesbians and his disapproval of "the damn homosexual males".

===Chris the lesbian===
[[File:Chris at a gay bar.jpg|right|thumb|Chris's selfie from a gay bar restroom. Disturbing, but unsurprising.]]
On 14 [[August 2014]], Chris posted on his [[Facebook]] page that he himself was now officially a "lesbian-identified man".<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out...kinda]]</ref> He posted a picture of himself holding an LGBT flag. He stated that "I support the LBT fully; the G.[ay] M.[ale]s are fortunate to be on this boat." On 31 [[October 2014]], Chris spent that [[Halloween]] at a gay bar dressed as a "Groovy 70's Lesbian",<ref>[[October 2014 Facebook Posts]]</ref> further evidencing his apparent acceptance of homosexuality, in that visiting a gay bar was [[Chris and hypocrisy|THE thing Chris had specified on multiple occasions that he would never do in his life]].

However, as anyone who's even mildly aware of sexuality and gender will tell you, a "lesbian male" isn't actually a real thing. Though actual trans women can be lesbians, the idea of a "lesbian-identified male" is just something a guy might google after [[mass debating]], and Chris's citation of ''Yahoo! Answers'' to validate its existence is unpersuasive to say the least. Sexuality seems to be the most powerful governing force in Chris's self-definition, and as such it is perhaps unsurprising that it has changed so dramatically over time, given his utter failure to find his place in the world.

Through [[2017]], Chris expressed his interest in media ripe with lesbian implications; hinted at to the point in which he fantasizes himself in the act. Prior to his relationship with [[Jessica Quinn]], Chris complained of his loneliness by comparing to himself to ''[[Life Is Strange]]'' deuteragonist Chloe Price.

==Shifting stance==
[[File:CWC's FB like on news about gay men, April 2017.png|thumb|200px|Chris likes a news item about gay men, April 2017.]]

Not long after coming out as a "male lesbian," Chris felt deeply uncomfortable with being perceived as "gay" or "homo," and in Facebook statements attempted to exclude gay men from his crusade for gender equality. No doubt under the influence of his new sweetheart [[Catherine]] and other gal-pals, Chris retracted these clumsy statements, apologizing for the umpteenth time.

{{quote|I am accepting of the gays as people, just like most any individual person. Seriously, you all be proud of who you are. All I ask is not to find any reason to feel anger towards anyone of any orientation, race or whatever, based on their individual actions or offense as an individual person of self. Also, please disregard all of my past and Way past thoughts of turning gays straight; that was very wrong of me. I am very sorry about that, and continue to be true and proud of yourselves for who you are, as I am Very Proud of myself for being a Lesbian Transgender (a Female, Lesbian Soul trapped in a male body).|Chris, surprisingly redeemable.<ref>[[September 2014 Facebook Posts]]</ref>}}

He also announced his support for the Human Rights Campaign, going so far as to say that homophobics "are none other than the Cyber-Bullies and Internet Trolls who put hate on the innocent around the world; Young and Old. Some of which even put pressure on to force you into being something you know fully that you are Not!" Interestingly, his prior notion that all trolls are homosexuals had been completely reversed to the idea that they're all homo''phobes'', illustrating that Chris still believes that any detractor of his is part of an organized movement and [[Chris and his Ego|has personal flaws]].

However, if the past is any judge, the end of his relationship with Catherine has no doubt caused his homophobia to resurface. He confirmed in late 2014 that despite the fact that comic Chris shares his new gender identity, [[Reldnahc]], his opposite, is still an evil violent homo.<ref>Commissions</ref>

On 26 [[June 2015]], the Supreme Court upheld the constitutionality of gay marriage. Chris, shockingly enough, reacted very positively towards this:

{{Quotebox|Congratulations to us all for Nationwide Marriage Equality! If a holiday be made of June 26, 2015, how about ‪#‎PridependenceDay‬!

Now, I still require my Sweetheart to be my future wife. As a ‪#‎Lesbian‬ ‪#‎Transwoman‬, I do feel I am compatible with Any woman.

And No, I am not mistaken. I have been genuinely feeling and [[List of Chris's lies|identifying like a woman for about my whole lifetime]]. I never could appreciate the [[JERK|male's]] Neanderthal interests. And I felt more appreciative and comprehending of [[Women's Rights|fashions, makeup, shopping]], [[Chris and remorse|empathy]], identifying feelings and [[Death threats|looking to resolve problems]] [[Sub-episodes|reasonably]].

Plus, I have a great deal of [[Chris and Anger|self control]], and I can bring good and pleasant [[semen|tidings]] to an all woman party.

‪#‎LoveWins‬ ‪#‎OneFamily‬ ‪#‎LGBTQ‬ ‪#‎Pridependence‬ ‪#‎Pride‬}}

In [[October 2015]], Chris released a [[Apology for past homophobic comments and homophobia.|video]] in which he apologizes for his past homophobic statements and iterates that he is now supportive of male homosexuals, while still drilling the point home that Sonichu and Rosechu are straight. He almost simultaneously [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] [[Sonichu 10]] and replaced the fictional gay epidemic with a bizarre [[Nombie-zazis|Nazi zombie]] premise, which still has homophobic implications given the context of the comic.

==Chris the Homo==

{{main|Chris and sexuality}}

In [[April 2018 social media posts#I'm bisexual|April 2018]], Chris came full circle, revealing that he now likes [[Pickle|pickles.]] Later that same month, he recorded himself [[Dick Licker; that is I.|licking pictures of penises that he drew on the wall]].

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Homosexuality}}

* [[Chris and religion]]
* [[Chris and sex]]
* [[Chris and sexuality]]
* [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
* [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]
* [[Gay 4 Sonichu]]
* [[It's UGH!]]
* [[Magi-Chan]]
* [[Reldnahc Naitsirhc]]
* [[SLGBTQ]]
* [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]
* [[Tomgirl]]

==Sources==
<references/>

[[Category:Homos]]

Chris and death

2019-04-16T14:01:30Z

Hallowed Ween: fixed header implying Barb's gonna die this year

{{Quote|Sometimes I remember her, but I have moved on.|[[Chris]] on the late [[PandaHalo]].<ref>[[Regina e-mails]]</ref>}}

[[Image:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|Rest in peace...?]]

'''Death''' is a concept that Chris has a notably hard time understanding and/or coping with, be it the death of a [[Bob Chandler|human]] or an [[Patti Chandler|animal]], or even a [[Simonla Rosechu|fictional character]].

His poor reactions to death most likely come from Chris's lack of empathy (a common symptom of [[autism]]), and childish thought patterns. Children often don't understand death, usually just thinking it's "like sleeping forever", "just leaving", or in recent years, "merged with their counterpart from C-197." Chris, being a child inside, can only resort to these clumsy analogies to understand death.

Here are the departed souls, in order from earliest to latest:

==Deaths==

===Various ancestors===
Chris claimed that, at Aunt Corrina's funeral, his ancestors wished him a safe [[Ohio trip|trip to Ohio]] to meet Julie.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7]]</ref>

===Passengers of ''[[wikipedia:RMS Titanic|RMS Titanic]]'' (d. 1912)===
In 1912, famous passenger liner ''Titanic'' hit an iceberg on its maiden voyage from Southampton, England to New York, and resulted in the deaths of around 1,600 people. In [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV]], Chris insensitively attempts to threaten [[Lars]] by destroying a [[Lego]] version of the Titanic.

===Every single victim of the World Trade Center attacks (d. 2001)===
[[File:Memory-card-15-2.jpg|200px|thumb|A Memory Card noting the tragedy, next to the Dark Arbok Pokémon card Chris had purchased on that day.]]

Chris has a very juvenile understanding of the [[wikipedia:September 11 attacks|September 11, 2001 terror attacks]] and their effect on world history. In the [[Twin Falling Towers]] video of 1 [[November 2009]], Chris makes fun of [[Clyde Cash]] and says that he is as weak as the [[Wikipedia:World Trade Center|Twin Towers]], which were primary targets in the 9/11 attacks. He then pretends that the mouse cursor is crashing into the buildings, complete with sound effects. After heavy criticism for turning a tragedy which killed 3,000 people into a childish joke, Chris [[Apology for 9/11 Joke|apologized]] and insisted his patriotism. He also equated the death of [[Kacey]]'s grandmother, who is said to have died in the attacks, to his dead dog. For literally no reason at all, the date of the attack is included in a time-travel sequence in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]].

===Patti Chandler (1988–2006)===
Patti was Chris's pet dog, who died in June 2006. Chris apparently drew a picture of a crying [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] face on the signature confirming the euthanasia process.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Eulogy_for_Patti&diff=4455&oldid=4454 Eulogy for Patti] on the [[CWCipedia]]</ref> As seen in the image used in this article, Patti also appeared in the [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]], immortalized as a furry character named [[Patti-Chan]]. This is particularly disturbing in that Chris has apparently decided to deny his dog the afterlife that he presumably believes in in favor of locking her in his own [[CWCville|personal hell]].

To Chris, her death is the greatest tragedy of his life, which he often compares to the deaths of other people's family members and loved ones. Unsurprisingly, every single person he has said this to has become horribly offended. In [[Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash]], he equates [[Ryan Cash]]'s death with Patti's, and in the [[Father Call]], he equates the death of [[Matthew Devoria]]'s mother in the 9/11 attacks.

Oddly enough, Patti may have been the only being Chris ever cared about. On the 1-year anniversary of her death, Chris even broke down in tears and had to be consoled by his mother.<ref>[[Megan emails, Jan-July 2007#Chris is sad about Patti]]</ref> By comparison, the "death" of any sweetheart will result in a few days of mourning at best.

It should be noted though that despite all of Chris's fondness for Patti, her memory was still not safe from being [[It's not that cold|defiled by him]].

===RocketFox's Dad (1966–2008)===
RocketFox's Dad used to be an [[alcohol]]ic, but recovered and stayed sober for ten years. However, his liver failed and he passed away in mid-October 2008. When RocketFox asked Chris for advice on how to cope, Chris considered it an "accident" and went on a spiel about how bad alcohol was.<ref>[[IRC (16 October 2008)]]</ref> This is actually the first death during the [[troll]]ing, and it was mentioned to Chris to see how he would react to such news, and as mentioned, Chris did so poorly. Ryan's death and Chris's reaction cemented this.

===[[Sarah Jackson]] (1981–2008)===
A former heartsweet of Chris (and Decepticon) who was killed in a carefully executed plan by [[Optimus Prime]]. Sarah Jackson, like Patti, was used in his comic for a while as "Ms. Jackaras" in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. Unlike Patti, Ms. Jackaras gets the same fate as her non-comic counterpart, and is replaced by her sister, who continues the lesson anyway. None of the ''Sonichu'' characters mourn the loss of their professor.

===Ryan Cash (1996–2008)===
Ryan was Clyde's brother who was a huge fan of the ''Sonichu'' comics. After they were delayed over and over, Ryan fell into a depression and committed suicide. Chris, of course, [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 28th, 2008|reacted to this]] in an inconsiderate manner, telling Clyde and his family to "just move on", and marveling at his power to incite suicide. He also suggested that Clyde get a girlfriend who could make him just as happy as Ryan could have, which (disturbing implications aside) indicates that Chris seems to regard people as more or less fungible. This also helps explain why Chris seems to be able to move on so quickly when one of his online "heartsweets" meets some unfortunate demise.

===[[PandaHalo]] (d. 2009?)===
Despite her being hundreds of kilometers away from the [[Brushfire Video|bushfires]], Chris assumed PandaHalo was dead. She is actually alive and kicking but Chris still doesn't know this. Two days after her "death," he went to find another sweetheart to [[mass debate]] to, saying "It's OK though, at least I have a [[Julie|good woman]] who's willing to be by my side at this point."<ref>[[Mumble 7#Summary]]</ref>.

Nine months later, [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] featured a special "memorial" to PandaHalo and a sequence in which she dies (off-screen) in a building fire after saving her "Pokemon", [[Chloe Rosechu]] and [[BlazeBob Sonichu]], so they wouldn't "burn with" her, not realizing that burning is an incredibly painful way to die.

More recently, Chris "dedicated" all of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] to PandaHalo's memory. This would be almost touching, if the alleged dedication didn't wholly consist of how awesome Chris was for using Panda's cover artwork.

===[[Sarah May]]===
After being called "[[Julie]]" multiple times, Sarah May attempted suicide over Mumble.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> Immediately after she went offline, rather than express any concern or try to find a way to stop her, Chris told Julie (who was also in the chat), "I still have you," with a completely emotionless "oh well" attitude. Julie was playing along with Chris, and did not react to Sarah's suicide attempt in any human-like fashion either; yet, it did not occur to Chris that Julie's behavior was ''in any way'' unnatural. Chris then made an [[CWC Shout Out to Sarah May|immature shout-out]] to her on a YouTube video, with tears faker than all his [[sweetheart]]s combined. The only reason he offered as to why she shouldn't commit suicide was that he would be sad without her.

===[[Aunt Corrina]] (1936–2009)===
Chris's aunt Corrina had her funeral on Chris's birthday, which was also [[wikipedia:Shrove Tuesday|Shrove Tuesday]], a Christian holiday that involves eating pancakes. Needless to say, Chris cared more about the pancakes than the funeral of his own aunt.

When the "I know how to be sad because my dog died" excuse fails, Chris usually follows up with an offhand mention of his Aunt Corrina. If that fails, the deaths of his many sweethearts tends to follow.

===Clyde Cash (1976–2009)===
In early [[2009]], Chris seemed to be aware that Clyde was supposedly dead, though he was suspicious of the idea. Regardless, he [[curse-ye-ha-me-ha|cursed]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 18th, 2009|him]], just in case.

===[[BILLY MAYS]] (1958–2009)===
In [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 1st, 2009]], Chris only seems to be upset over people blaming him for MAYS's death, and loudly denies that BILLY had ever been the mayor of CWCville. He doesn't even offer his condolences to MAYS's family. Down the line, Chris selfishly adopts the idea that MAYS was in fact his bodyguard and he died protecting Chris.

In ''Sonichu'' #9, Chris slaps in a one-page intro with BILLY saying that he was never was the Mayor, but was part of Chris's group. At the bottom was a message from Chris, asking him to "come back soon."

===[[Ivy]] (1992–2009)===
Ivy committed suicide after not being allowed to see Chris. Chris uploaded [[CWC "Boyfriend"]] as a memorial. Yes, a poorly-sung remake of Avril Lavigne's happy, bouncy pop-punk song, with lyrics changed to be about how much Chris would like women to date him. Chris included pictures of several past sweethearts in the video, making it less of a tribute to Ivy and more of a monument to Chris's failures.

Furthermore, as is unquestionably appropriate, Ivy's tragic demise was incorporated into issue #9. Rather than admit to having a hand in her suicide, Chris conjures up a magnificently gruesome accidental death, which involved having gotten her neck broken with elevator wires after falling through the elevator floor. Although this is a particularly troubling manipulation of what really happened, Chris more than makes up for it with gravitas; he gracefully, albeit belatedly, offers a tiny orange box in memory to Ivy 'O'Niel', taking pride of place underneath a backshot of [[Slaweel]] and some weird faux-[[Transformers]] actions. All of the above shows the leaps and bounds Chris has made in his appropriate handling of tragic deaths.

When confronted about this insanity in the [[Mailbag]], Chris got quite indignant, demanding to know what the questioner thought he should have done, since Ivy had died in real life and could no longer serve as Chris's [[GodJesus|God-given sweetheart]]. It's not clear whether it had ever crossed Chris's mind to keep this horrific death out of the pages of what is supposedly a comic aimed at children, or to let Ivy's character live on in CWCville like he had done for Patti and BILLY.

===[[Wikipedia:Mary Jo Kopechne|Mary Jo]] (d. 2009)===
In a [[Mailbag 27#Love and loss|mailbag]], Chris was asked by a [[Wikipedia:Ted Kennedy|troubled fan]] what he should do after the death of his beloved Mary Jo.

{{quote|Mary Jo is gone (I feel for you), but you should move on and try to find another woman who will treat you about as good, or possibly better than, her. Suck it up, and move on like a Man would. I tell you as a Man who had to do the same thing a few times in the past too.|Chris, being super-sensitive.}}

Chris clearly states how he believes a death should be approached by a man (which includes finding another woman right away and a specific lack of grieving), and tells the traumatized fan that he should simply move onto a better woman since his girlfriend's death, not only being completely asinine, but also outlining that he believes women to be [[women's rights|replaceable and possibly interchangeable]].
[[Image:RIP mike.JPG|thumb|The obituary that Chris didn't even bother to read.]]

===Mike Jackson (1969–2010)===

Throughout [[January 2010]], a man named Mike Jackson sent Chris a series of friendly letters asking for advice, and then begging for help after Chris's amazingly bad advice completely ruined his life. Chris, caring soul that he is, promised the absolute minimum amount of effort (a [[YouTube]] video) and then never made good on his word.

Distraught over Chris's total lack of action, and terrified at the risk of having his family torn to pieces, Mike [[Mailbag 52#This, if anything, requires a canned response|died from a sleeping pill overdose]]. Mike's grieving widow generously decided to let Chris view the private obituary page set up for friends and family of the deceased, saying that Mike would have wanted her to treat Chris with respect and decency.

Chris responded to the news of Mike's death with the same copy-pasted bullshit he used to pretend he was listening to criticism. The two infamous sentences made no sense in context and demonstrated beyond the shadow of a doubt that Chris could not care less about Mike's tragic death. It was revealed in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]] that Chris didn't even view Mike's obituary page, and his [[Mailbag 56#In which Chris isn't sorry at all|response]] to Mike's grieving son was all of three words long.

===Simonla Rosechu===
[[Image:SandyRosechu.jpg|80px|right|thumb|The bastard child in question.]]
During the [[Asperchu]] saga, a recurring theme was [[Evan]]'s legal claims in regard to [[Simonla Rosechu]] as a derivative of his character, [[Simonchu]]. While early demands were for Chris to edit his old strips to remove Simonla entirely from continuity, later Evan consented to letting Chris keep Simonla's early appearances, on the grounds that he kill her at a later date. Chris, not surprisingly, totally lost his shit, showing a much stronger emotional attachment to an empty, one-dimensional fictional character than he has managed for any living creature other than his dog. Finally, after being faced with the threat of legal action, Chris finally killed Simonla in issue #10, though not before she laid an egg out of wedlock with her baby-daddy [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]] (though, of course, the act of laying the egg was never shown, or even mentioned), which hatched into [[Sandy Rosechu]].

Simonla's death apparently continued to haunt Chris long afterwards. This led to him [[Simonla Rosechu#Resurrection|reviving Simonla]] around [[May 2014]], more than four years after her demise. It should be noted that, as revealed in the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Calls]], Chris considers cartoon characters to be real, living creatures that exist in some other world reminiscent of Toon Town from ''[[Wikipedia:Who Framed Roger Rabbit|Who Framed Roger Rabbit]]''. Simonla's death was as [[Chris and reality|real]] to him as that of any of his family members or sweethearts... perhaps even more so.

===[[Chandler Cats#Desi|Desi]] and [[Chandler Cats#Skittles|Skittles]] Chandler (precise date of deaths unknown; no later than 10 April 2010)===
In an email Chris sent to [[Jackie]], he [[Jackie E-mails#Chris is lazy, Hates simple chores|mentions having three cats]] (Lucy, Kitty and Scamper), despite the fact that he was previously known to have had two additional cats (Desi and Skittles). This suggests that by the time of the correspondence both had died, or had at least departed from [[14 Branchland Court]] in some other way. No documentation exists of Chris's reaction to their loss.

===[[Wikipedia:Murder of Yeardley Love|Yeardley Love]] (1987–2010)===
Yeardley Love was a lacrosse player for [[UVA]] who was murdered. Chris uploaded a [[05142010|video]] discussing the story (which he probably just saw on television for a few minutes), but didn't even bother to say her name. He also stated that the murderer should get 20 years in prison for the shock of the murder, which is twice his desired punishment for [[Tobacky|smoking]]. Later in the video, [[Chris and his Ego|he rerouted the subject towards himself]] and stated how everyone needed to be sympathetic of him and his autism and that he's not a bad man. In other words, he used the death of a girl he never knew in an attempt to make himself look good.

===[[Bob Chandler|Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.]] (1927–2011)===
After a long battle with heart failure, Bob's life came to an end while he was being hospitalized in the [[wikipedia:Martha Jefferson Hospital|Martha Jefferson Hospital]]'s ICU.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071324/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600 (archive from 11 Feb 2013)</ref> The fact that on the day Bob died Chris posted an online [[attraction sign]] in the form of a [[Facebook#What I am looking for in a woman|Facebook note]] reflects poorly on him. However, he later told [[Jackie]] that ''"my heavier cries from my father's passing is really hitting me bad."'', and lamented that in a previous [[dream]] the Grim Reaper had promised that he would not claim Bob until 2015.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 31]]</ref>

In a March 31, 2012 Facebook message, Chris expressed a desire for Bob's ghost to haunt the dreams of anyone who doesn't like him, putting him on the exact same level as his dead dog. While this was an understandable reaction to discovering "plans" that trolls were going to dig her up, or discovering a webcomic that contained what he considered a mockery of her memory, his threat to send Bob's ghost after people is equal parts disrespectful and unreasonable.

In a [[Facebook]] post from [[June 2013|June]] of [[2013]], Chris laments that he had more freedom when his father was still alive, and goes onto complain about how he has to take time out of his day to [[Jerkop|"serve and protect"]] [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]]. Knowing Chris, this presumably means that he sat around in [[Chris's room|his room]] playing [[vidya]] while his elderly father did most of the [[chores|work around the house]].

===Victims of the November 2015 Paris terror attacks===
In wake of the shootings and bombings in Paris on November 13, 2015, Chris [[Chris's Response to the Terrorism Attacks in Paris|responded on Facebook]] and expressed remorse in his own simple way, but equated the real-life atrocity which killed over 120 people with the actions of a "cartoon villain", suggesting he still has a poor grasp of the difference between reality and fantasy. Included was the image of Sonichu and Rosechu in front of the American flag in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]].

===Stan Lee (1922-2018)===
{{Incomplete}}
On 12 [[November 2018]], with the advent of the death of famed comic legend Stan Lee, Chris stated that he merged with his Universe C-197 counterpart.

===Barbara Chandler (1941–20??)===
Barbara, much like Bob before his death, has been experiencing many illnesses in the past few years. Barbara was [[Obesity|obese]], and this contributes to her poor health, examples of which include oversleeping and bed sores. In [[August 2013]], Chris revealed that Barbara is now a breast cancer survivor, which reveals that she suffers from far more serious health problems than initially thought. It may not be long before Barb keels over as well, which would ultimately leave Chris with no coddling matriarch to provide support for or keep him company, and in the grander scheme of things, without parents.

Even today, where everyone's favorite manchild will go from there remains a mystery, especially since it was revealed in an [[October 2013 Facebook Posts#Reality Comes Knocking|October 2013 Facebook post]] that Chris considers Barbara to be one of the few people who gives meaning and purpose to his life.

In November 2015, Chris released [[Family Needs to appreciate Family]], where he addressed [[Cole Smithey]], [[David Alan Chandler]] and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]] to visit Barb before "her time runs out".

In June 2016, Chris released [[Donations Requested, Please.|two]] [[Donations Required, Serious Please help|videos]] in which he asks for donations for Barb's asthma medication; here, Barb appears somewhat unresponsive and barely conscious, and Chris says she likely won't make it "through the rest of this month". While Chris could just be exaggerating just to get more free money, one cannot deny that Barb's physical appearance is the worst it's ever been, so his prognosis just might be accurate. Regardless, Chris shows flagrant indifference to her imminent demise.

===Chris himself (1982–20??)===
Given Chris's notoriously [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|bad diet]], lack of [[Chris and health|activity]], [[14 Branchland Court|hygiene]] or [[Chris and the Internet|social interaction]], on top of a complete lack of [[Love Quest|motivation]] or [[Chris and remorse|concern]] for anything other than himself, it is generally considered unlikely that Chris will live very far into his forties should he persist in his current lifestyle.

However, there is a likelihood that like Bob, who lived into his mid-eighties despite suffering from (and eventually passing away as a result of) [[Heart level|heart failure]] and alcoholism, he may be genetically disposed to lead a long, albeit miserable life. In comparison though, Chris's own death is naturally [[Chris and his Ego|the only one that immediately concerns him]], since it is the one thing that would put an end to the [[Love Quest]] once and for all.

{{quote|And Believe Me, IN DREAMS, and even IN MOMENTS within my mind while AWAKE, I HAVE SEEN AND FELT That Death Light. Not only is it the Most Horrifying Thing Ever, but I am [[Chris and English|LOOOONG NOT READY FOR IT YET]].|Chris, on his visions of death.}}

In a conversation with the CWCipedia Sysop, Chris once mentioned that he had been receiving recurring visions of himself walking into a bright light, which he one day hoped would be prevented from appearing by getting a sweetheart. However, judging by how unlikely it is that he will ever enter any meaningful relationship with someone within his obsessive standards and willing to put up with him and his numerous faults, these visions will most likely persist until the inevitable day it comes true.

In a Facebook post on 30 [[October 2013]], Chris stated that he had become so [[stress|stressed]] out (specifically, over [[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking|the revelation]] that his [[Manchester High School|high school]] [[gal pal|gal-pals]] did not actually like him much at all), that he had contemplated killing himself multiple times. According to Chris, the only reasons he did not go through with it are [[Barb|painfully]] [[Clover and Snoopy|obvious]]. This shows just how much Chris's [[Chris and psychology|mentality]] has drained, and how badly he needs the professional help he so stubbornly refuses to get. Of course, this could well be Chris exaggerating and trying to gain pity as he has done in the past, and as his mother allegedly also has (or at least, used to have) a habit of doing. In all seriousness, however, suicide is no laughing matter, and this should be looked at with caution.

In late [[2014]], Chris actually came quite close to being hospitalized, as a serious infection had developed around a [[Un-clit|piercing on the bottom of his]] [[duck]] that he had received earlier in the year. Thankfully, though, Chris came to his senses and permanently removed the piercing, and had the infection treated.

In the aftermath of the 2016 US Presidential election Chris made comments and videos containing death threats to Donald Trump where he repeatedly justified wishing for Trump's death by saying 'men die earlier than women'. It is possible he decided to 'transform' in to a woman because he believes he will live longer as a result.

===Sonichu (2000–????)===
One of the very few things that Chris seems to care about the death of besides himself is [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and his pals. Since Chris believes all cartoon characters exist in some universe, and he had created Sonichu's, he feels that if he were to reboot the comics, that would mean that Sonichu and his friends would all die, and that they would all reincarnate into their newer rebooted versions, as hinted in a July 23, 2017 Twitter post.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/July_2017_Patreon_posts#Delay_on_pages.2C_no_plans_to_reboot_Sonichu</ref> Being his love and joy, the last thing on Chris' mind would be to kill his creations, but yet is perfectly fine with freezing them in time with his hiatus on the series.

Ironically, even when Chris inevitably does pass on and go to meet [[Godbear]], he will still be remembered; not only for his life and the many humorous misadventures in it, but for his comics. Thus, it can be said that Sonichu will never truly die.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[White_knight#Chris_lacks_empathy_himself|Lack of empathy]]
*[[Death threats]]

==References==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Dead]]

Trollsta's Paradise

2019-01-17T10:28:19Z

Hallowed Ween: having this page makes sense to me, it's not unimaginable to forget to add the (Clyde's) when entering the URL for the songs or the subtitle when entering the URL for the cover album

{{Disambiguation}}

'''Trollsta's Paradise''' may refer to:

*'''[[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys - (Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise]]''', a song from Chris's second album.
*'''[[(Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise#Covers|GUWANGE - (Clyde's) Trollsta's Paradise]]''', a cover of the above song.
*'''[[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]]''', the album by GUWANGE named after Chris's aforementioned song, and whose Deluxe Edition the above cover is featured in

User:Hallowed Ween

2019-01-06T04:57:31Z

Hallowed Ween:

Yes, it's a halloween pun. [[Lie|Yes,]] I realize what I'm [[Ween|implying]] by referring to myself as a ween, [[BlueSpike|one that is worshipped no less]] (sorry i just made that link for a joke i wasn't serious in calling them a ween [[TRUE and HONEST|i think they were very effective]] please don't [[Death threats|hurt my family]]). Not expecting [[Sweet, Sweet Sex|recognition,]] so it kind of rules out the possibility of being a ween but then again it probably isn't helping my case that [[Autism|I'm trying to disprove accusations that were never brought against me.]] [[Homos#Past_homophobia|At least not at time of writing this.]] Like [[Megan|many]] [[Doopie|of]] [[Julay|you,]] [[List of good jokes made by Hallowed Ween|I came for CWC.]] Wow, that was a lot of links [[Ween|I]] [[Weening#Examples_of_weening|put in.]]

CWCki [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit]] of which I am proud:

>Not banned yet

>[[April_2018_social_media_posts#Chris_is_a_cunt|Added Chris's tweet apoligizing for being a cunt]]

>Started the [[Dimensional Merge]] page, albeit as a redirect, which got linked to in another page ''before'' becoming its own page

The Awakening of a CPU AKA The Idea Guy Corruptions

2018-12-22T04:22:58Z

Hallowed Ween: readability

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #16
| cover =
| coverdate = N\A
| began = 1 [[November 2017]]
| finishedcomic = 3 [[August 2018]]
| pagecount = 82
| episodes = Unknown
| previous = [[Sonichu 15|''Sonichu'' #15]]
| next =
}}
{{Quote|October 25, 2017... the life of Miss Christine Weston Chandler, myself, was beginning to change forever... this is our story.}}

'''''Sonichu''''' '''#16''' or '''The Awakening of a CPU''' as re-titled by Chris is an issue which was heavily directed by the [[Idea Guys]] trolls. It features a story on how his fictional troll character, John Yamada, came to influence Chris. Due to the secretive nature of the saga, the comic pages were never uploaded by Chris; however, in-progress photos were leaked by various people whom [[Joshua Wise]] had shared with.

Chris stated that the comic was back in production in May 2018, when he posted previews for a backup story about the marriage between himself, [[Cryzel and Magi-Chan]].

The comic was published around fall of 2018, albeit rough and mostly uncolored and was directly mailed to his backers to avoid violating [[Patreon]]'s Terms of Service.

==Plot==

{{protip|The following makes little sense and has little to no continuity with the previous comics, due to it consisting of troll concepts Idea Guy had planted into the comic. Despite being aware that Idea Guy turned out to be a troll, Chris still believes the events depicted are canon and really happened, evidenced when he wrote The Awakening of a CPU epilogue several months later.''}}

On October 25th 2017 Chris is contacted by a lone Gamindustri agent known as John who is investigating if his Dreamcast is a "spiral" console of this world capable of jumping between worlds. [[Magi-Chan]] investigates and confirms that yes, this console in particular is special. After 24 hours of reflection, Chris touches the console decides he has immediately become part of the canon of the anime/game franchise "Hyperdimension Neptunia" and claims to share his body with that of the character Uzumi Tennouboshi who promptly informs him her evil half Kuromi, the Russian Billionare Akan, and Monika from [[Wikipedia:Doki Doki Literature club|"Doki Doki Literature Club"]] are causing Chaos in our world.

[[Silvana]] is sent to rescue Adult Neptune and bring her safely to Gamindustri, however Kuromi and Akan are infiltrating Chris' dreams and corrupting his mind and on November 4th, they encourage Graduon to lead an attack on Cwcville.

John unites the Sailor Scouts from Sailor Moon and Chris is awestruck to learn that they apparently exist in our world too and informs us at some point Sailor Jupiter rescued John, Neptune, Nepgear and Blanc from German Soldiers. Nepgear falls unconscious until she is cuddled by John and Chris, after which she fully recovers.

Chris deploys the Cwcville Army, [[Son-Chu]] and his autobots and push the evil forces back. Kuromi launches her last stand, knowing Uzume is inside Chris. Uzume and Kurome fuse together into one being and Chris gives Uzumi her powers back, and Chris goes on to inform us everyone has a heart crystal inside of them.

Meanwhile Chris and John's friend Cave are set to meet for discussions, and Silvana is made Cave's bodyguard. She gets herself captured by Russian forces and it takes four days to rescue her. Russian cloakers are invading Cwcville, and Chris destroys a hotel full of criminals with Lightning. Akan infiltrates the Mall with a puppet-mayor and Chris promptly destroys the Mall and murders the fake-mayor before restoring the Mall from the toilets to the full building as it once stood.

Akan (a billionaire, mind you) makes himself at home at 14 Branchland Court and vandalises it. Monika makes contact with Chris via his phone, but Chris is immune to her tricks and memory wipe. John, however, is not.

14 Branchland Court is restored and returned to Chris, Graduon, angry at Silvana's abduction, joins forces with Chris.

Akan opens a vortex and Sonichu is teleported to Africa where he is pursued by natives. Emmet Brown gives him a ride back to Virginia and he somehow winds up locked in a Country Cookin food freezer.

Chris informs us that in the Cwcville dimension, the US lost the Cold War and Russia took over the nation. Clinton won the 2016 election but became deathly ill, after which Vladimir Putin became the POTUS. This results in gang violence between the Yakuza and Russian Mafia for some reason. Ian Brandon Anderson becomes the Mayor of Cwcville, but also becomes ill and is replaced by actor Brendan Fraser.

During his time in office, Chris had revoked women's rights and mentions after Real Life Megan "wronged" him, he stripped her of her Megtune Powers and banished her from Cwcville. Regardless she is doing well as a CPU goddess on the island of Krasna.

The Sailor Senshi and Twilight Sparkle aid Chris is learning how to use his powers.
Akan had annexed the High School in which the Sailor Scouts studied and it is now a training ground for his troops.

John and Chris travel back in time to meet past-Chris and smack him with a baseball bat to prevent the abolishment of women's rights and because Present Chris was disgusted with him. This gives Sonichu amnesia.

Chris backtracks to tell us that whilst developing his powers, he and his new friends where on the hunt for E115 material, said to be very rare and powerful. The American Sailor Scouts from the infamous Saban Moon (which failed to even launch) had knowledge of where to get it as they where apparently all female soldiers (at fifteen years old...) who had been exposed to it, and it's exposure is how Chris explains how Saban Mercury was paraplegic (''note that the intent of Saban Mercury was to be representation to disabled preteen girls, showing they could be heroes too, opposed to Chris' twisted version.)'' Most of the Saban scouts wound up passing away due to the exposure, including Mercury, who Chris claims to have personally met, and discloses that her name was Hilda. Hilda, rather than passing away, chose to commit suicide. Before passing, the Saban Scouts all praise Chris and pass on their powers to him.

Whilst attempting to clone Chris so he could dump the responsibility of caring for Barb on it, Chris' Pony OC Night Star took a sample of DNA from Chris that had been laying around since the year 2000, leaving a horrifying question as to just how unwashed his home is. She accidentally clones multiple sexually aggressive Chris-chans to the point where the Ponys must evacuate to Cwcville for their own safety.

John meanwhile has gathered enough E115 to fashion three brand new Sonichu medallions that allow Chris to become Chris-Chan Sonichu. Chris time travels to the year 2000 to find he has been possessed by Satan and become a Nazi and has kept Hitler alive using his own Sonichu Medallion. Horrified at the monster he is in this timeline, Chris kills his Nazi alter-ego, claimed the Medallion, turning Hitler into dust.

Going back in time again. John finds Chris has been taken to "Islam" in order to have the lustful urges exorcized and such was done by shoving the medallion into his rectum.

Whilst attempting to return that medallion to Chris, it is intercepted and obtained by North Koreans.
Chris discovers terrible things about Cwcville, including he and his Father being real Sonichu born from eggs and the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] being real.
Chris laments that while Cwcville is currently predominantly Christian, it used to be mostly Athiest or Satanic.
Angelica turned away from Christianity and became a Muslim, then converted once more into a Satanist.
Blake idolised Osama Bin Laden and became an extremist implied to have ties to ISIS.
Wild became a drug peddler who grew weed (which Chris is ok with) and produced Meth in his own lab (which Chris is not ok with).
Bubbles decided she identified as a muscle-bound black man, which Chris seems to equate to being a "Knuckle-Head" and drew her with the body of Knuckles as depicted in his loathed Sonic Boom series.
Punchy, instead of a dojo, hatched in an insane asylum and was detained in a straight jacket, developing an irrational hatred of the [[Obesity|obese.]]
Chris tells us he is ashamed of his Chaotic Combo.

On December 5th 2017, Rosechu informs Chris she had been born as a male Pichu and had retained her penis and testes post transformation until she received surgery in Cwcville ''(Chris being unaware that medical science has yet to advance to the point of being able to provide transwomen the ability to give birth).''
Chris is devastated as he had created Rosechu and her evolutionary line to be female-only Pokemon and listened to Britney's "I'm Not a Girl" on repeat as he drew and colored the page. Nevertheless, he stands by her as a transwoman.
He goes on to inform us that Sonichu and Rosechu shared their first kiss not under fireworks, but in sewage and in the process of sharing the virginity with each other, role-played as ice hockey players.

Chris tells us that after he vented about Rosechu being a transwoman on Facebook, it had upset Rosechu and Uzumi angrily confronted Chris about shaming her.

Chris goes on to create Battery-Charge Heart/Miss Anirbas Saffron Chandler who represented the Smach Z handheld console. Due to Chris' misunderstanding of when the Smach Z was released, Blanc and Noire turn their backs on him.

In an effort to restore Silvana by rewriting her story and failing, Chris concludes that only Monika can bring her back.

In the meantime, Chris is distressed by John's massive libido and his being married to five wives and impregnating a lesbian couple, and admits in his frustrations he lashed out at people more than once, and that he is not fond of sex at the given moment.

Whilst role-playing a date with Blanc, instead of discussing how the date, Chris being Chris immediately jumps into how he'd fuck her, and Blanc is not amused. She gives him another chance and they discuss authors and politics.
She asks him why he is so against Trump, why he favoured Hillary and why he is currently not working, similarly to the Father Call.

Meanwhile, a CWC Defense Soldier shits on the border between Cwcville and Australatina and is killed in retaliation. War is declared whilst Chris tries to make peace.

Tails and Bionic help testify against Jamsta in the accusation that he had been sexually molesting Punchy. Chris doesn't believe it, despite overwhelming evidence. He is found not guilty and the citizens, outraged by this miscarriage of justice, start to riot.

Australatina is beating the everloving piss out of Cwcville and their Russian allies (weren't they the enemy?) and Simonla & Wild's home is destroyed. All
of the Autobots are destroyed, including Optimus and Bumblebee - with the exception of the severed head of [[Son-Chu]]. It's implied that the destruction of Chris's IRL car impacted this choice of plot.

Australatina is the victor in the battle, and the swastika on the page implies they enforce a Nazi regime. Chris grabs all of his level 100 Pokemon from his various Pokemon games in order to try and counter them. He refrains from using the Electric Hedgehogs because the Nazis will kill them. He also attempts to create a portal to reach his Skylanders for aid. It is noted that the Nazis shoot to kill Pokemon, but Inuyasha (his Blaiziken) and Arial (his Primarina) have escaped. It's noted that all wild Pokemon in the area have been gunned down.

Though Silvana has been "deleted", Magi-Chan sheds hardly a tear for his beloved and decides to get his bone on with his father figure, Mewtwo and marries him.

Battery Charge Heart, instead of defending against Australatina, goes impulse shopping and boyfriend hunting. Chris is upset considering she was designed to be bright, loyal and [[Honor roll|intelligent.]]

The Nazis abduct the 71 special Sonichus and Rosechus and the CPUs try to bargain for their release. Simonla is freed but has come down with a terrible syndrome. The Nazis attempt to immolate her, but Chris throws himself in front of their flamethrowers, using his powers to withstand the heat.

Chris admits that in the past (referring to his past self as though he were a separate character) he was a sex-obsessed lunatic and his lustful sins where bringing Cwcville down. It's implied his sins are contagious and are infecting the survivors of Cwcville including the Sonichus and Rosechus.
Magi-Chan confirms that Akan has been passing himself off as God and Jesus to mess with people.

In [[Chris and reality|"Sound Mind"]] he proclaims he no longer believes in God and Jesus in favor of the "Console Patron" - essentially saying that he will live and die by a subpar Japanese game/anime franchise.

John has been funding Cwcville through heists in the video game Payday 2, by way of Magi-Chan converting his winnings into real money.

In Equestria, the sexually aggressive Chris Clones have mutated to become slimy and bulbous and chant "JULAAAAAY". John, Megan and Neptune lure them away from Equestria and destroy them with napalm and the ponies return to their homes.

The CPUs beat the Nazis out of Cwcville as the war officially comes to an end on the 21st.

However, the Sonichus and Rosechus are still in enemy custody.
Chris reveals that when an Electric Hedgehog dies, they do not pass into an afterlife, their soul instead slips into an egg that appears where they had initially hatched, and upon hatching, are born with the same personality and memories of their previous selves - like the Chao in Sonic Adventure 2.
This means the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon are immortal and [[death]] is, at worst, an inconvenience.
Silvana, Bob Chandler, Simonla and Zapina rehatch and assert their intention to find their families and continue their fight.

As favour to Blanc, Chris reads "The Man in the High Castle" by Phillip K Dick.

John and his friends are ambushed by Nazis. They survive, but Chris is pissed off. Doktor Herr Wilhelm Strasse interrupts a conversation Chris is having with the CPU Vert to mess with him, Chris again is pissed off and swears he will kill every living Nazi. He notes that Monika is also working with Nazis.
Chris announces that he can be in multiple places at once, and every time a Nazi misgenders him in German, Chris sprays them with his blood which apparently melts them.

The Nazis occupy Equestria and the Mirror pools lose their ability to clone.

Chris pens a handwritten letter to Discord to appeal for aid, and is told "No". Chris shows up to bully him into helping them and is still met with refusal until he decides to turn Discord into stone until he complies by killing every single Nazi with fatal heart attacks and disposing of their corpses before finally destroying the portals they used to enter Equestria.

Remember when Chris sprayed all the transphobic Nazis to melt them with his blood? It didn't actually work, instead it just "dirtied" their [[Chris and race|"pure white"]] blood and became sub-human Electric Hedgehog Pokemon so Chris can point and laugh. Ashamed, the Nazis leave Cwcville.
They regroup in Germany where it's revealed that all historical Nazis have retroactively become Electric Hedgehog Pokemon too. Regardless, Blanc orders them to disband and they pretty much just do as she says.

Chris informs us about the Pokedex numbers of his breeds of Electric Hedgehogs, and tells us regular Sonichu and Rosechu age every two years, whilst those with a connection to Chris (i.e. any of them that have had any kind of role in the comic) age every five years, as do their descendants.

Chris tells he us he stopped aging at 21 (as did all of his dimensional counterparts) and repeats what he said before about Sonichu and Rosechu being reborn and retaining their appearances, personalities and memories.

On Jan 18th 2018, Night Star cries about how her family are being imprisoned in Equestria, and she had been tortured, her tail removed. Chris reminds her she can open portals and must always stand up for what's right, and heals her. Night Star's tail grows back and she becomes a hideous abomination of hedgehog and horse.
Chris opens a portal despite just saying he didn't have that power, and encourages Night Star to slaughter all of the Nazis in 2019.

Meanwhile, on Jan 19th, in the prison where the Electric Hedgehogs are being detained, it appears the Rosechus and Roberta have been raped for the purpose of repopulation. Christine and Cerah bide their time, praying to the CPU and reserving their strength whilst Rosechu and Roberta appear heavily pregnant.
John and his crew storm the prison and decapitate the Warden, drawn in gruesome detail. The prison guards are massacred, mostly by Sonichu who angrily states as he slices them to ribbons that this is vengeance for his family, and that Electric Hedgehogs are not inferior beings.
The women are released, and in a disturbing vision, the underage Zapina is shown to have been one of the prisoners, and in a small line from Christine Rosechu, it is implied that [[Barb]] was also being held in the rape camp.
Sonichu reunites with his wife and daughters, and the girls refer to Chris as their "MeMaw" and thank her for rescuing them even though he was not involved.
Roberta is implied to have done something wrong as there is talk about her having learned her lesson about Chris - but the text is cut off and we have so little context that we don't know what she did.

In California, [[Bob]] shows up and is teleported to Cwcville where he tells everyone about himself. He then shows himself to Sonichu and co. in his own check-Sonichu form and everybody in tears talks about how much they missed him.
It is explained that both Bob and serial killer Ted Bundy where reborn as Sonichu and Ted defends Cwcville.

- plot review up to page 49 - still in progress -

==Still canon==
On 25 May 2018, Chris tweeted:

{{quotebox|A Large Portion of Sonichu 16 was inspired by "Idea Guy" in an Attempt to Troll Me. A Good Friend reviewed the Final Draft of the Comic and Told Me that Patreon would most likely consider it "Hate Speech".

I don't want to Re-Draw Sonichu 16 - I put MUCH work Into It.

But at the Same Time I don't want to Offend Anybody or get my Patreon Page removed. Can someone Give Me Advice? Should I Publish It or Re-Do it Completely to Remove Outside Influence? I Don't Want my Patreon Page or my Future Work Threatened by This.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-615#post-3394818</ref>}}

However, he deleted the tweets within minutes and the comics were mailed to his [[Patreon]] backers on 22 [[October 2018]].

==Gallery==
<center>{{collapsible
|Issue 16 - Idea Guy Corruption
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File:Sonichu 16 page-60.jpeg
File:Sonichu 16 page-61.jpeg
File:Sonichu 16 page-62.jpeg
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File:Sonichu 16 page-64.jpeg
File:Sonichu16PreviewPage6.jpg
File:Sonichu 16 page-66.jpeg
File:Sonichu 16 page-67.jpeg
File:Sonichu 16 page-68.jpeg
File:Sonichu 16 page-69.jpeg
File:Sonichu 16 page-70.jpeg
File:Sonichu 16 page-71.jpeg
File:Sonichu 16 page-72.jpeg
File:Sonichu 16 page-73.jpeg
File:Sonichu 16 page-74.jpeg
File:Sonichu 16 page-75.jpeg
File:Sonichu 16 page-76.jpeg
</gallery>}}</center>

==Epilogue==
{{main|The Awakening of a CPU}}

==Our Wedding special==
<center><gallery>
File:Sonichu16PreviewPage6.jpg
File:OurWedding preview1.png
File:OurWedding preview2.jpeg
</gallery></center>

==References==
<references/>

{{Sonichu}}

Chris slaps himself

2018-12-20T08:30:42Z

Hallowed Ween:

'''Chris slaps himself''' is the third [[Idea Guys]] video leaked on Chris's Twitter. The person who hacked into his Twitter claimed that this video was made after [[Chris apologizes to Gwen]], a video from [[The Bad Beginning]] chat. Like all the leaked videos, it was deleted by Chris minutes later.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris slaps himself
| video = {{#ev:youtube|lyYZYZ4_jFA}}
| stardate = 9 [[April 2018]]
| subject =
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Idea Guy|text}}
| shirt =
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[April_2018_Paid_Video_Requests#Buy_Shin_Megami_Tensei_Nocturne|Buy Shin Megami Tensei Nocturne]]
| next = [[Buy Our Things off of my eBay to help us, Please]]
}}

==Description==
{{quotebox|chrissy sissy once apologized to me for being a fuck up... but I made him slap himself anyway.. b0rb was so happy she did a lil dance for me!}}

==Transcript==
[''Grimacing, Chris takes a deep breath, braces himself and begins slapping himself back and forth in the face. After two uneventful slaps, he groans and begins to speak.'']
[''Punctuating his slaps''] Dirty, oorgh... [''One wordless slap''] Dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, fuck, fuck, fuckin' 'ore! Dir'y, dir'y, whore, dir'y, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, [''grunts "whore" ten times, then stops slapping himself and groans in pain.'']

[[Category:Leaked videos]]

Talk:I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC

2018-12-20T08:04:35Z

Hallowed Ween: never mind

==Video Missing==
Chris removed it. Already checked the CWCville Library, but couldn't find a copy there. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 22:55, 8 September 2009 (CEST)

==Why?==
Why's he showing us old comics? As they proved something? He hasn't drawn any new Sonichu stuff in ages. He might as well abandon Sonichu, seeing has he's utterly forgotten and neglected the plot. --[[User:Megaman|Megaman]] 11:15, 26 July 2009 (CEST)
*To show he's the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler because only he has the original art from the comic. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 11:19, 26 July 2009 (CEST)
:*Sorry about that, I didn't notice there were two articles for the same video, but neither of them were created by me. --[[User:Megaman|Megaman]] 11:21, 26 July 2009 (CEST)
:* Why the god awful sexist annotations? Does he talk to women like that IRL? That must be a treat to witness. --[[User:Hayate666|Hayate666]] 14:04, 26 July 2009 (CEST)
:* According to LoveYouLongTime and Podmonkey, yes. [[User:PickleSuitFTW|PickleSuitFTW]] 19:52, 26 July 2009 (CEST)
::What the fuck is Tom-Tom? And why does he want a duck to pound him? And who the fuck locked up Vag again? That's the fifth time this week we need to liberate her. Jesus. [[User:Evang7|Evang7]] 20:36, 26 July 2009 (CEST)
::: [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom-tom_drum Tom-tom] is a type of a drum - the small drums in a normal drum kit. Drums are, um, ''pounded'' - though most people usually merely ''beat'' them normally. Most people also use drumsticks instead of ducks, though I haven't been to enough different types of concerts to know what's going on in all of them. Perhaps they did that in classic jazz era when Bob bought his records. Maybe that's why they bombed Glenn Miller's plane out of air. Gah, I need to go to sleep. =) --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 23:38, 26 July 2009 (CEST)
:::Yes, but that's not what Chris got the idea from, see [[China#Tom-Tom]] for the ugly truth. --[[User:Megaman|Megaman]] 23:59, 26 July 2009 (CEST)

==Suggestion for comic commentary==
I've probably seen it before but I can't think of what it's called, but how about for the part where he goes into commenting on the comics, we have a two column table sort of deal (sorta like the one in [[Sonichu:The Animated Series]] but not sortable and without headings) where on the left is a thumbnail of the drawing in discussion and a transcript of what Chris says is on the right.

We don't have to do that but something that'll juxtapose the comic page in discussion with what Chris says may be helpful so people know which image Chris is talking about without having to go look it up or figure which of the drawings he's referring to. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:52, 26 July 2009 (CEST)

==Captain's log==

He doesn't announce "captain's log" at the beginning. To my mind, this means the article should be re-named as it is not a TRUE and HONEST captain's log. Thoughts? --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 16:26, 26 July 2009 (CEST)
:I agree. [[User:Evang7|Evang7]] 20:36, 26 July 2009 (CEST)
::*We've discussed this before. Any video that is addressed to his general fanbase is a Captain's Log. Yes, it's a sucky system (in my personal opinion) but you all had the chance to voice your opinions [[CWCki:Community_Portal#Categorizing_videos_-_POLICY_TYPE_VOTE|here]] and it was decided we'll stick with the status quo. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 21:33, 26 July 2009 (CEST)
::**I agree with this, the video doesn't start with Captain's Log, but neither did the first few entries, as they are categorised. This video fits with the Captain's Log series, since it's Chris talking about his life to a general audience. I say the page should be moved back. - unsigned comment from [[User:Great Briton]].

== "Watchmen... ==

One of us got told off by CWC last night. Somebody knows why. Somebody knows."

"I heard he'd been working with those damn, slanderous trolls, maybe it was a retaliation."

"Maybe. Or maybe somebody's flippin' off pickle-suited heroes."

"Clyde thinks... That there's going to be newfags."

"What if that's why someone wants us out of the way? So we can't do anything to stop it? An attack
on one, is an attack on all of us."

"Watchmen are over... What do you suggest we do about it?"

"Devine Retribution."

"We can troll this faggot."

They troll over him

But who trolls them?

"Why would I show my troll a guy, in a world where he threatens to punch my lights out?"

"Do it for china."

From the visionary troll of "Rollin' and trollin'"

The most despised 28 year-old manchild of all time

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"The trolls will look up and shout 'Save us!' and I'll look down and whisper 'You DORKS!'"

Trollmen

[Insert today's date here]

== Monty Python ==

I love how he brought up [[Monty Python]] during his usual "GAYS ARE BAD" rant; I take it he doesn't know about Graham Champman? --[[User:Lime|Lime]] ([[User_talk:Lime|Scold?]] |
[[Special:Contributions/Lime|Undo?]]) 00:04, 27 July 2009 (CEST)
:Even if he didn't know that, he doesn't understand Monty Python's humor when it comes to gays. When it comes to homosexuality the Python gang thought cross dressing was absurdly silly, but they never made any claims that it was "evil" "unnatural" or "immoral" without sarcasm. They thought making IRL tough guys like army Sargent into sissys was hilarious simply because it's a contradiction. Chris is such a lost cause. --[[User:Megaman|''Super Fighting Robot Megaman!'' ]] [[Image:MegaManXRunning.gif]] 02:05, 27 July 2009 (CEST)

== Dead link ==

During several automated bot runs the following external link was found to be unavailable. Please check if the link is in fact down and fix or remove it in that case!

* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqYkCJaBAyA
** In [[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC]] on 2011-09-20 22:38:43, 404 Not Found
** In [[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC]] on 2011-09-28 08:05:49, 404 Not Found

--[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 01:05, 28 September 2011 (PDT)

Talk:I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC

2018-12-20T07:55:14Z

Hallowed Ween: /* Screencap video to preserve annotations? */ new section

The Awakening of a CPU AKA The Idea Guy Corruptions

2018-12-19T09:27:17Z

Hallowed Ween: spelling

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #16
| cover =
| coverdate = N\A
| began = 1 [[November 2017]]
| finishedcomic = 3 [[August 2018]]
| pagecount = 82
| episodes = Unknown
| previous = [[Sonichu 15|''Sonichu'' #15]]
| next =
}}
{{Quote|October 25, 2017... the life of Miss Christine Weston Chandler, myself, was beginning to change forever... this is our story.}}

'''''Sonichu''''' '''#16''' or '''The Awakening of a CPU''' as re-titled by Chris is an issue which was heavily directed by the [[Idea Guys]] trolls. It features a story on how his fictional troll character, John Yamada, came to influence Chris. Due to the secretive nature of the saga, the comic pages were never uploaded by Chris; however, in-progress photos were leaked by various people whom [[Joshua Wise]] had shared with.

Chris stated that the comic was back in production in May 2018, when he posted previews for a backup story about the marriage between himself, [[Cryzel and Magi-Chan]].

The comic was published around fall of 2018, albeit rough and mostly uncolored and was directly mailed to his backers to avoid violating [[Patreon]]'s Terms of Service.

==Plot==

''NOTE - The following makes little sense and has little to no continuity with the previous comics, due to it consisting of troll concepts Idea Guy had planted into the comic. Despite being aware that Idea Guy turned out to be a troll, Chris still believes the events depicted are canon and really happened, evidenced when he wrote The Awakening of a CPU epilogue several months later.''

On October 25th 2017 Chris is contacted by a lone Gamindustri agent known as John who is investigating if his Dreamcast is a "spiral" console of this world capable of jumping between worlds. Magi-Chan investigates and confirms that yes, this console in particular is special. After 24 hours of reflection, Chris touches the console decides he has immediately become part of the canon of the anime/game franchise "Hyperdimension Neptunia" and claims to share his body with that of the character Uzumi Tennouboshi who promptly informs him her evil half Kuromi, the Russian Billionare Akan, and Monika from "Doki Doki Literature Club" are causing Chaos in our world.

Silvana is sent to rescue Adult Neptune and bring her safely to Gamindustri, however Kuromi and Akan are infiltrating Chris' dreams and corrupting his mind and on November 4th, they encourage Graduon to lead an attack on Cwcville.

John unites the Sailor Scouts from Sailor Moon and Chris is awestruck to learn that they apparently exist in our world too and informs us at some point Sailor Jupiter rescued John, Neptune, Nepgear and Blanc from German Soldiers. Nepgear falls unconscious until she is cuddled by John and Chris, after which she fully recovers.

Chris deploys the Cwcville Army, Son-Chu and his autobots and push the evil forces back. Kuromi launches her last stand, knowing Uzume is inside Chris. Uzume and Kurome fuse together into one being and Chris gives Uzumi her powers back, and Chris goes on to inform us everyone has a heart crystal inside of them.

Meanwhile Chris and John's friend Cave are set to meet for discussions, and Silvana is made Cave's bodyguard. She gets herself captured by Russian forces and it takes four days to rescue her. Russian cloakers are invading Cwcville, and Chris destroys a hotel full of criminals with Lightning. Akan infiltrates the Mall with a puppet-mayor and Chris promptly destroys the Mall and murders the fake-mayor before restoring the Mall from the toilets to the full building as it once stood.

Akan (a billionaire, mind you) makes himself at home at 14 Branchland Court and vandalises it. Monika makes contact with Chris via his phone, but Chris is immune to her tricks and memory wipe. John, however, is not.

14 Branchland Court is restored and returned to Chris, Graduon, angry at Silvana's abduction, joins forces with Chris.

Akan opens a vortex and Sonichu is teleported to Africa where he is pursued by natives. Emmet Brown gives him a ride back to Virginia and he somehow winds up locked in a Country Cookin food freezer.

Chris informs us that in the Cwcville dimension, the US lost the Cold War and Russia took over the nation. Clinton won the 2016 election but became deathly ill, after which Vladimir Putin became the POTUS. This results in gang violence between the Yakuza and Russian Mafia for some reason. Ian Brandon Anderson becomes the Mayor of Cwcville, but also becomes ill and is replaced by actor Brendan Fraser.

During his time in office, Chris had revoked women's rights and mentions after Real Life Megan "wronged" him, he stripped her of her Megtune Powers and banished her from Cwcville. Regardless she is doing well as a CPU goddess on the island of Krasna.

The Sailor Senshi and Twilight Sparkle aid Chris is learning how to use his powers.
Akan had annexed the High School in which the Sailor Scouts studied and it is now a training ground for his troops.

John and Chris travel back in time to meet past-Chris and smack him with a baseball bat to prevent the abolishment of women's rights and because Present Chris was disgusted with him. This gives Sonichu amnesia.

Chris backtracks to tell us that whilst developing his powers, he and his new friends where on the hunt for E115 material, said to be very rare and powerful. The American Sailor Scouts from the infamous Saban Moon (which failed to even launch) had knowledge of where to get it as they where apparently all female soldiers (at fifteen years old...) who had been exposed to it, and it's exposure is how Chris explains how Saban Mercury was paraplegic (''note that the intent of Saban Mercury was to be representation to disabled preteen girls, showing they could be heroes too, opposed to Chris' twisted version.)'' Most of the Saban scouts wound up passing away due to the exposure, including Mercury, who Chris claims to have personally met, and discloses that her name was Hilda. Hilda, rather than passing away, chose to commit suicide. Before passing, the Saban Scouts all praise Chris and pass on their powers to him.

Whilst attempting to clone Chris so he could dump the responsibility of caring for Barb on it, Chris' Pony OC Night Star took a sample of DNA from Chris that had been laying around since the year 2000, leaving a horrifying question as to just how unwashed his home is. She accidentally clones multiple sexually aggressive Chris-chans to the point where the Ponys must evacuate to Cwcville for their own safety.

John meanwhile has gathered enough E115 to fashion three brand new Sonichu medallions that allow Chris to become Chris-Chan Sonichu. Chris time travels to the year 2000 to find he has been possessed by Satan and become a Nazi and has kept Hitler alive using his own Sonichu Medallion. Horrified at the monster he is in this timeline, Chris kills his Nazi alter-ego, claimed the Medallion, turning Hitler into dust.

Going back in time again. John finds Chris has been taken to "Islam" in order to have the lustful urges exorcized and such was done by shoving the medallion into his rectum.

Whilst attempting to return that medallion to Chris, it is intercepted and obtained by North Koreans.
Chris discovers terrible things about Cwcville, including he and his Father being real Sonichu born from eggs and the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] being real.
Chris laments that while Cwcville is currently predominantly Christian, it used to be mostly Athiest or Satanic.
Angelica turned away from Christianity and became a Muslim, then converted once more into a Satanist.
Blake idolised Osama Bin Laden and became an extremist implied to have ties to ISIS.
Wild became a drug peddler who grew weed (which Chris is ok with) and produced Meth in his own lab (which Chris is not ok with).
Bubbles decided she identified as a muscle-bound black man, which Chris seems to equate to being a "Knuckle-Head" and drew her with the body of Knuckles as depicted in his loathed Sonic Boom series.
Punchy, instead of a dojo, hatched in an insane asylum and was detained in a straight jacket, developing an irrational hatred of the [[Obesity|obese.]]
Chris tells us he is ashamed of his Chaotic Combo.

On December 5th 2017, Rosechu informs Chris she had been born as a male Pichu and had retained her penis and testes post transformation until she received surgery in Cwcville ''(Chris being unaware that medical science has yet to advance to the point of being able to provide transwomen the ability to give birth).''
Chris is devastated as he had created Rosechu and her evolutionary line to be female-only Pokemon and listened to Britney's "I'm Not a Girl" on repeat as he drew and colored the page. Nevertheless, he stands by her as a transwoman.
He goes on to inform us that they shared their first kiss not under fireworks, but in sewage and in the process of sharing the virginity with each other, role-played as ice hockey players.

Chris tells us that after he vented about Rosechu being a transwoman on facebook, it had upset Rosechu and Uzumi angrily confronted Chris about shaming her.

Chris goes on to create Battery-Charge Heart/Miss Anirbas Saffron Chandler who represented the Smach Z handheld console. Due to Chris' misunderstanding of when the Smach Z was released, Blanc and Noire turn their backs on him.

In an effort to restore Silvana by rewriting her story and failing, Chris concludes that only Monika can bring her back.

In the meantime, Chris is distressed by John's massive libido and his being married to five wives and impregnating a lesbian couple, and admits in his frustrations he lashed out at people more than once, and that he is not fond of sex at the given moment.

Whilst role-playing a date with Blanc, instead of discussing how the date, Chris being Chris immediately jumps into how he'd fuck her, and Blanc is not amused. She gives him another chance and they discuss authors and politics.
She asks him why he is so against Trump, why he favoured Hilary and why he is currently not working, similarly to the Father Call.

Meanwhile, a CWC Defense Soldier shits on the border between Cwcville and Australatina and is killed in retaliation. War is declared whilst Chris tries to make peace.

Tails and Bionic help testify against Jamsta in the accusation that he had been sexually molesting Punchy. Chris doesn't believe it, despite overwhelming evidence. He is found not guilty and the citizens, outraged by this miscarriage of justice, start to riot.

Australatina is beating the everloving piss out of Cwcville and their Russian allies (weren't they the enemy?) and Simonla & Wild's home is destroyed. All
of the Autobots are destroyed, including Optimus and Bumblebee - with the exception of the severed head of [[Son-Chu]]. It's implied that the destruction of Chris's IRL car impacted this choice of plot.

Australatina is the victor in the battle, and the swastika on the page implies they enforce a Nazi regime. Chris grabs all of his level 100 Pokemon from his various Pokemon games in order to try and counter them. He refrains from using the Electric Hedgehogs because the Nazis will kill them. He also attempts to create a portal to reach his Skylanders for aid. It is noted that the Nazis shoot to kill Pokemon, but Inuyasha (his Blaiziken) and Arial (his Primarina) have escaped. It's noted that all wild Pokemon in the area have been gunned down.

Though Silvana has been "deleted", Magi-Chan sheds hardly a tear for his beloved and decides to get his bone on with his father figure, Mewtwo and marries him.

Battery Charge Heart, instead of defending against Australatina, goes impulse shopping and boyfriend hunting. Chris is upset considering she was designed to be bright, loyal and [[Honor roll|intelligent.]]

The Nazis abduct the 71 special Sonichus and Rosechus and the CPUs try to bargain for their release. Simonla is freed but has come down with a terrible syndrome. The Nazis attempt to immolate her, but Chris throws himself in front of their flamethrowers, using his powers to withstand the heat.

Chris admits that in the past (referring to his past self as though he were a separate character) he was a sex-obsessed lunatic and his lustful sins where bringing Cwcville down. It's implied his sins are contagious and are infecting the survivors of Cwcville including the Sonichus and Rosechus.
Magi-Chan confirms that Akan has been passing himself off as God and Jesus to mess with people.

- plot review up to page 34 - still in progress -

==Still canon==
On 25 May 2018, Chris tweeted:

{{quotebox|A Large Portion of Sonichu 16 was inspired by "Idea Guy" in an Attempt to Troll Me. A Good Friend reviewed the Final Draft of the Comic and Told Me that Patreon would most likely consider it "Hate Speech".

I don't want to Re-Draw Sonichu 16 - I put MUCH work Into It.

But at the Same Time I don't want to Offend Anybody or get my Patreon Page removed. Can someone Give Me Advice? Should I Publish It or Re-Do it Completely to Remove Outside Influence? I Don't Want my Patreon Page or my Future Work Threatened by This.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-615#post-3394818</ref>}}

However, he deleted the tweets within minutes and the comics were mailed to his [[Patreon]] backers on 22 [[October 2018]].

==Gallery==
<center>{{collapsible
|Issue 16 - Idea Guy Corruption
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Sonichu 16 page-0.JPG
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File:Sonichu 16 page-64.jpeg
File:Sonichu16PreviewPage6.jpg
File:Sonichu 16 page-66.jpeg
File:Sonichu 16 page-67.jpeg
File:Sonichu 16 page-68.jpeg
File:Sonichu 16 page-69.jpeg
File:Sonichu 16 page-70.jpeg
File:Sonichu 16 page-71.jpeg
File:Sonichu 16 page-72.jpeg
File:Sonichu 16 page-73.jpeg
File:Sonichu 16 page-74.jpeg
File:Sonichu 16 page-75.jpeg
File:Sonichu 16 page-76.jpeg
</gallery>}}</center>

==Epilogue==
{{main|The Awakening of a CPU}}

==Our Wedding special==
<center><gallery>
File:Sonichu16PreviewPage6.jpg
File:OurWedding preview1.png
File:OurWedding preview2.jpeg
</gallery></center>

==References==
<references/>

{{Sonichu}}

The Awakening of a CPU AKA The Idea Guy Corruptions

2018-12-19T09:25:35Z

Hallowed Ween: readability edit

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #16
| cover =
| coverdate = N\A
| began = 1 [[November 2017]]
| finishedcomic = 3 [[August 2018]]
| pagecount = 82
| episodes = Unknown
| previous = [[Sonichu 15|''Sonichu'' #15]]
| next =
}}
{{Quote|October 25, 2017... the life of Miss Christine Weston Chandler, myself, was beginning to change forever... this is our story.}}

'''''Sonichu''''' '''#16''' or '''The Awakening of a CPU''' as re-titled by Chris is an issue which was heavily directed by the [[Idea Guys]] trolls. It features a story on how his fictional troll character, John Yamada, came to influence Chris. Due to the secretive nature of the saga, the comic pages were never uploaded by Chris; however, in-progress photos were leaked by various people whom [[Joshua Wise]] had shared with.

Chris stated that the comic was back in production in May 2018, when he posted previews for a backup story about the marriage between himself, [[Cryzel and Magi-Chan]].

The comic was published around fall of 2018, albeit rough and mostly uncolored and was directly mailed to his backers to avoid violating [[Patreon]]'s Terms of Service.

==Plot==

''NOTE - The following makes little sense and has little to no continuity with the previous comics, due to it consisting of troll concepts Idea Guy had planted into the comic. Despite being aware that Idea Guy turned out to be a troll, Chris still believes the events depicted are canon and really happened, evidenced when he wrote The Awakening of a CPU epilogue several months later.''

On October 25th 2017 Chris is contacted by a lone Gamindustri agent known as John who is investigating if his Dreamcast is a "spiral" console of this world capable of jumping between worlds. Magi-Chan investigates and confirms that yes, this console in particular is special. After 24 hours of reflection, Chris touches the console decides he has immediately become part of the canon of the anime/game franchise "Hyperdimension Neptunia" and claims to share his body with that of the character Uzumi Tennouboshi who promptly informs him her evil half Kuromi, the Russian Billionare Akan, and Monika from "Doki Doki Literature Club" are causing Chaos in our world.

Silvana is sent to rescue Adult Neptune and bring her safely to Gamindustri, however Kuromi and Akan are infiltrating Chris' dreams and corrupting his mind and on November 4th, they encourage Graduon to lead an attack on Cwcville.

John unites the Sailor Scouts from Sailor Moon and Chris is awestruck to learn that they apparently exist in our world too and informs us at some point Sailor Jupiter rescued John, Neptune, Nepgear and Blanc from German Soldiers. Nepgear falls unconscious until she is cuddled by John and Chris, after which she fully recovers.

Chris deploys the Cwcville Army, Son-Chu and his autobots and push the evil forces back. Kuromi launches her last stand, knowing Uzume is inside Chris. Uzume and Kurome fuse together into one being and Chris gives Uzumi her powers back, and Chris goes on to inform us everyone has a heart crystal inside of them.

Meanwhile Chris and John's friend Cave are set to meet for discussions, and Silvana is made Cave's bodyguard. She gets herself captured by Russian forces and it takes four days to rescue her. Russian cloakers are invading Cwcville, and Chris destroys a hotel full of criminals with Lightning. Akan infiltrates the Mall with a puppet-mayor and Chris promptly destroys the Mall and murders the fake-mayor before restoring the Mall from the toilets to the full building as it once stood.

Akan (a billionaire, mind you) makes himself at home at 14 Branchland Court and vandalises it. Monika makes contact with Chris via his phone, but Chris is immune to her tricks and memory wipe. John, however, is not.

14 Branchland Court is restored and returned to Chris, Graduon, angry at Silvana's abduction, joins forces with Chris.

Akan opens a vortex and Sonichu is teleported to Africa where he is pursued by natives. Emmet Brown gives him a ride back to Virginia and he somehow winds up locked in a Country Cookin food freezer.

Chris informs us that in the Cwcville dimension, the US lost the Cold War and Russia took over the nation. Clinton won the 2016 election but became deathly ill, after which Vladimir Putin became the POTUS. This results in gang violence between the Yakuza and Russian Mafia for some reason. Ian Brandon Anderson becomes the Mayor of Cwcville, but also becomes ill and is replaced by actor Brendan Fraser.

During his time in office, Chris had revoked women's rights and mentions after Real Life Megan "wronged" him, he stripped her of her Megtune Powers and banished her from Cwcville. Regardless she is doing well as a CPU goddess on the island of Krasna.

The Sailor Senshi and Twilight Sparkle aid Chris is learning how to use his powers.
Akan had annexed the High School in which the Sailor Scouts studied and it is now a training ground for his troops.

John and Chris travel back in time to meet past-Chris and smack him with a baseball bat to prevent the abolishment of women's rights and because Present Chris was disgusted with him. This gives Sonichu amnesia.

Chris backtracks to tell us that whilst developing his powers, he and his new friends where on the hunt for E115 material, said to be very rare and powerful. The American Sailor Scouts from the infamous Saban Moon (which failed to even launch) had knowledge of where to get it as they where apparently all female soldiers (at fifteen years old...) who had been exposed to it, and it's exposure is how Chris explains how Saban Mercury was paraplegic (''note that the intent of Saban Mercury was to be representation to disabled preteen girls, showing they could be heroes too, opposed to Chris' twisted version.)'' Most of the Saban scouts wound up passing away due to the exposure, including Mercury, who Chris claims to have personally met, and discloses that her name was Hilda. Hilda, rather than passing away, chose to commit suicide. Before passing, the Saban Scouts all praise Chris and pass on their powers to him.

Whilst attempting to clone Chris so he could dump the responsibility of caring for Barb on it, Chris' Pony OC Night Star took a sample of DNA from Chris that had been laying around since the year 2000, leaving a horrifying question as to just how unwashed his home is. She accidentally clones multiple sexually aggressive Chris-chans to the point where the Ponys must evacuate to Cwcville for their own safety.

John meanwhile has gathered enough E115 to fashion three brand new Sonichu medallions that allow Chris to become Chris-Chan Sonichu. Chris time travels to the year 2000 to find he has been possessed by Satan and become a Nazi and has kept Hitler alive using his own Sonichu Medallion. Horrified at the monster he is in this timeline, Chris kills his Nazi alter-ego, claimed the Medallion, turning Hitler into dust.

Going back in time again. John finds Chris has been taken to "Islam" in order to have the lustful urges exorcized and such was done by shoving the medallion into his rectum.

Whilst attempting to return that medallion to Chris, it is intercepted and obtained by North Koreans.
Chris discovers terrible things about Cwcville, including he and his Father being real Sonichu born from eggs and the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] being real.
Chris laments that while Cwcville is currently predominantly Christian, it used to be mostly Athiest or Satanic.
Angelica turned away from Christianity and became a Muslim, then converted once more into a Satanist.
Blake idolised Osama Bin Laden and became an extremist implied to have ties to ISIS.
Wild became a drug peddler who grew weed (which Chris is ok with) and produced Meth in his own lab (which Chris is not ok with).
Bubbles decided she identified as a muscle-bound black man, which Chris seems to equate to being a "Knuckle-Head" and drew her with the body of Knuckles as depicted in his loathed Sonic Boom series.
Punchy, instead of a dojo, hatched in an insane asylum and was detained in a straight jacket, developing an irrational hatred of the [[Obesity|obese.]]
Chris tells us he is ashamed of his Chaotic Combo.

On December 5th 2017, Rosechu informs Chris she had been born as a male Pichu and had retained her penis and testes post transformation until she received surgery in Cwcville ''(Chris being unaware that medical science has yet to advance to the point of being able to provide transwomen the ability to give birth).''
Chris is devastated as he had created Rosechu and her evolutionary line to be female-only Pokemon and listened to Britney's "I'm Not a Girl" on repeat as he drew and colored the page. Nevertheless, he stands by her as a transwoman.
He goes on to inform us that they shared their first kiss not under fireworks, but in sewage and in the process of sharing the virginity with each other, role-played as ice hockey players.

Chris tells us that after he vented about Rosechu being a transwoman on facebook, it had upset Rosechu and Uzumi angrily confronted Chris about shaming her.

Chris goes on to create Battery-Charge Heart/Miss Anirbas Saffron Chandler who represented the Smach Z handheld console. Due to Chris' misunderstanding of when the Smach Z was released, Blanc and Noire turn their backs on him.

In an effort to restore Silvana by rewriting her story and failing, Chris concludes that only Monika can bring her back.

In the meantime, Chris is distressed by John's massive libido and his being married to five wives and impregnating a lesbian couple, and admits in his frustrations he lashed out at people more than once, and that he is not fond of sex at the given moment.

Whilst role-playing a date with Blanc, instead of discussing how the date, Chris being Chris immediately jumps into how he'd fuck her, and Blanc is not amused. She gives him another chance and they discuss authors and politics.
She asks him why he is so against Trump, why he favoured Hilary and why he is currently not working, similarly to the Father Call.

Meanwhile, a CWC Defense Soldier shits on the border between Cwcville and Australatina and is killed in retaliation. War is declared whilst Chris tries to make peace.

Tails and Bionic help testify against Jamsta in the accusation that he had been sexually molesting Punchy. Chris doesn't believe it, despite overwhelming evidence. He is found not guilty and the citizens, outraged by this miscarriage of justice, start to riot.

Australatina is beating the everloving piss out of Cwcville and their Russian allies (weren't they the enemy?) and Simonla & Wild's home is destroyed. All
of the Autobots are destroyed, including Optimus and Bumblebee - with the exception of the severed head of [[Son-Chu]]. It's implied that the destruction of Chris's IRL car impacted this choice of plot.

Australatina is the victor in the battle, and the swastika on the page implies they enforce a Nazi regime. Chris grabs all of his level 100 Pokemon from his various Pokemon games in order to try and counter them. He refrains from using the Electric Hedgehogs because the Nazis will kill them. He also attempts to create a portal to reach his Skylanders for aid. It is noted that the Nazis shoot to kill Pokemon, but Inuyasha (his Blaiziken) and Arial (his Primarina) have escaped. It's noted that all wild Pokemon in the area have been gunned down.

Though Silvana has been "deleted", Magi-Chan sheds hardly a tear for his beloved and decides to get his bone on with his father figure, Mewtwo and marries him.

Battery Charge Heart, instead of defending against Australatina, goes impulse shopping and boyfriend hunting. Chris is upset considering she was designed to be bright, loyal and [[Honor roll|intelligent.]]

The Nazis abduct the 71 special Sonichus and Rosechus and the CPUs try to bargain for their release. Simonla is freed but has come down with a terrible syndrome. The Nazis attempt to immolate her, but Chris throws himself in front of their flamethrowers, useing his powers to withstand the heat.

Chris admits that in the past (referring to his past self as though he were a separate character) he was a sex-obsessed lunatic and his lustful sins where bringing Cwcville down. It's implied his sins are contagious and are infecting the survivors of Cwcville including the Sonichus and Rosechus.
Magi-Chan confirms that Akan has been passing himself off as God and Jesus to mess with people.

- plot review up to page 34 - still in progress -

==Still canon==
On 25 May 2018, Chris tweeted:

{{quotebox|A Large Portion of Sonichu 16 was inspired by "Idea Guy" in an Attempt to Troll Me. A Good Friend reviewed the Final Draft of the Comic and Told Me that Patreon would most likely consider it "Hate Speech".

I don't want to Re-Draw Sonichu 16 - I put MUCH work Into It.

But at the Same Time I don't want to Offend Anybody or get my Patreon Page removed. Can someone Give Me Advice? Should I Publish It or Re-Do it Completely to Remove Outside Influence? I Don't Want my Patreon Page or my Future Work Threatened by This.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-615#post-3394818</ref>}}

However, he deleted the tweets within minutes and the comics were mailed to his [[Patreon]] backers on 22 [[October 2018]].

==Gallery==
<center>{{collapsible
|Issue 16 - Idea Guy Corruption
|<gallery perrow="5">
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</gallery>}}</center>

==Epilogue==
{{main|The Awakening of a CPU}}

==Our Wedding special==
<center><gallery>
File:Sonichu16PreviewPage6.jpg
File:OurWedding preview1.png
File:OurWedding preview2.jpeg
</gallery></center>

==References==
<references/>

{{Sonichu}}

The Awakening of a CPU AKA The Idea Guy Corruptions

2018-12-18T15:59:41Z

Hallowed Ween: readability edit

July 2016 Paid Video Requests

2018-12-18T15:39:49Z

Hallowed Ween: transcribed birthday greeting for ily

On 18 July 2016, Chris announced that he would be offering video messages for sale, for $50 each, arranged through texting instead of his defunct Etsy shop. On 26 July, he changed his pricing, saying "it starts at $50, but I'm negotiable to as low as $10, and no less." [[Weens]] flooded him with requests, essentially giving him money for nothing and making him even more [[Ego|entitled]].

Two videos had (unintentionally) funny results. In '''Singing "Yellow Submarine"''', Chris drops the camera for a moment, revealing an upskirt shot and showing him wearing a [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|pantiliner]]<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/updated-7-22-chris-paid-content-general.22728/page-25#post-1620669</ref>. After Chris uploaded '''Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies''', YouTube deleted it and issued a strike against his account. Chris [https://kiwifar.ms/attachments/screenshot-www-facebook-com-2016-07-23-12-51-22-png.118280/ reacted to the fallout from both the following day on Facebook].

Following the strike, which barred him from uploading videos to his CwcvilleGuardian YouTube account for two weeks, Chris continued the video request program by uploading to an [https://gaming.youtube.com/channel/UCN4fi8RjeYVVRbeavxeXffw an alternate account], then returning to his main account after the ban expired.

Fans continued buying [[:Category:Business|more video requests]] throughout 2016, although the number of public videos gradually diminished.

==Josh Lover of men==
'''Josh Lover of men''' is a video uploaded by Chris on 20 July 2016, as part of his video request program. In this video, Chris reads out a paragraph written by a [[homo]] named Josh about how much of a [[ween|crazy fucking idiot he is for paying $50 to Chris for this video]]. Chris was hopelessly [[Autism|unable to detect the sarcasm]] praising his exemplary life and achievements. In fact, Josh's admiration was so obviously masturbatory, it's reasonable to assume Chris would have understood it as mockery if not for his inexhaustible sense of [[Chris and his Ego|self-importance]]

{{Infobox/video
| name = Josh Lover of men
| video = {{#ev:youtube|qTjvP_EXKlo}}
| stardate = 20 [[July 2016]]
| subject = {{(Handouts)|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = {{(Clopper)|text}}
| previous = [[Update_20160718]]
| next = [[Announcement 07202016]]
}}

'''Description'''
{{quotebox| And now by paid request...
}}

===Transcript===
[''[[PlayStation 4|PS4]] intro'']

Hello [[Speech impediment|'vbody]], this is [[Tomgirl|Christine]] Chandler, and, uh, the following is from... this guy Joshua's own words, this is a paid request. And the title is right here underneath, "Josh, Lover of Men". So, yeah. [''reading from iPhone''] "[[Homos|Homosexual]] known as Josh has [[Financhu Crisis|paid me $50]] [[United States]] currency to make this video. He is truly a [[Ween|crazy fucking idiot]] for doing so." His words, not mine. He wanted me to tell his [[Gal pal|friend]] Nicole that "she is an attractive slut and that he [[Speech Impediment|abbire]] her - he admires her greatly and appreciates her filthy whore face. Happy early birthday, you magnificent piece of human [[14 Branchland Court|garbage]]. You are such trash and we all love you a lot."

On a more serious note, Josh also [[Speech impediment|wanned]] me to remind you that, hmmm, [''reading''] "[[White knight|I, Christine, am now and have always been a worthwhile human being that deserves a great amount of respect]], and... all [''unintelligible''] and... gratitude for... over the years of [[Chris and art|creativity and effort]] I have poured forth, for all the [[Chris and anger|genuine love and care]] I have trust onto you, not just for [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] and all related [[Chris and copyright|original intellectual properties]], but also for the care I have put into my [[True and Loyal Fanbase|fanbase]] and all those loyal to my [[Love Quest|righteous cause]]. Please take a moment out of each day to think about the tremendous good I have done for you, and others, and what you could do to give back. Be the hero that you feel inside. Be the Sonichu dat's in your [[Heart level|heart]]. And go fast. Go... to PayPal, and buy a personalized video just like Josh did. Much love," Josh assed... me to bid you a fond farewell, "and may [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon|lightning hedgehogs]] guide you to a path o' happiness".

Well, Nicole, at least he appreciates you. And, yeah, [[Chris and his Ego|I agree with him on everything about me]], so... thank you, Joshua. [[List of Chris's lies|I don't like very much calling other people... such negative things]], 'cause they're still people, after all, but... let's just leave it at that.

[''PS4 outro'']

==Copypasta: Sexual Helicopter==
As the second of his paid request videos to raise money during the [[Financhu Crisis]], Chris read a famous internet meme "copypasta" about an individual who "sexually identifies as an attack helicopter". The resulting video was '''Copypasta: Sexual Helicopter'''. At the end, Chris exaggeratedly shook his head to let his [[Trolls|fanbase]] know he wasn't associated with the literary masterpiece he just read.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Copypasta: Sexual Helicopter
| video = {{#ev:youtube|fof0BM28TUY}}
| stardate = 20 [[July 2016]]
| subject = {{(Handouts)|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Reason|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = {{(Clopper)|text}}
| previous = [[Announcement 07202016]]
| next = [[Paid Video Requests#Happy Birthday, Nathan.|Happy Birthday, Nathan.]]
}}

'''Description'''
{{quotebox| And now by paid request...

via YouTube capture
}}

===Transcript===
Hello everybody, here's another paid request, their words, not mine, it's a... little piece of literature this person liked. Alright, so... [''reading energetically''] "I [[Tomgirl|sexually identify]] as an at''tack'' helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the [[Speech impediment|offields]], dropping... [[Semen|hot, sticky loads]] on [[Chris and race|disgusting foreigners]]. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is impossible, and I'm... [[Slow-in-the-minds|retarded]], but I don't ''care''. I'm beautiful." Mmph. [''suddenly monotone, confused''] "I'm having a... plastic surgeon install [[Speech impediment|rolly]] blades, thirty-millimeter... cannons, and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body, [''high pitched''] and from now on, I want you guys to call me ''ApaCHEEE'' and respect my rights to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me, you're a... heliphobe... and you need to check your vehicle [[Speech impediment|priviges]]. Thank you for being so understanding."

Wow, that's [[Chris and psychology|crazy]], that's jus'... I feel like... it's weird. [''Chris makes a strange sound, seemingly blowing a very short raspberry''] Whatever.

[''He shakes his head rapidly while [[Chris and cinematography|wobbling the camera]]'']

Alright, well there you go. Paid request. Have a good day.

==Happy Birthday, Nathan.==

Chris begins this video with an appearance of feigned astonishment. His eyes continually dart around the room as he attempts to briefly carry a tune.

Appearance-wise, Chris can only be described as extraordinarily hideous (more so than usual). Chris unsuccessfully returns to wearing blue eye-shadow—painting copious amounts of overarching makeup around his eyes. We also see a return of the yellow-flower barrette.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Happy Birthday, Nathan.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|CYjULlAjQ3E}}
| stardate = 21 [[July 2016]]
| subject = {{(Handouts)|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = {{(Clopper)|text}}
| previous = [[Paid Video Requests#Copypasta: Sexual Helicopter|Copypasta: Sexual Helicopter]]
| next = [[Paid Video Requests#Copypasta: Gorilla Warfare|Copypasta: Gorilla Warfare]]
}}

'''Description'''
{{quotebox| And now, another paid request...

via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===
Hello Nathan, this is Christine Chandler. A friend of yours paid me to send you a birthday greeting—so here you go.

''[Starts singing]''

Happy Birthday, Nathan. 
Have yourself a good day. 
Enjoy some cake and presents too. 
Happy Birthday to you. 

''[Briefly pauses, opening mouth to speak but instead transitions into a smile]''

Have a good day.

==Copypasta: Gorilla Warfare==
The copypasta Chris was paid to read this time, the "Navy Seal Copypasta" (or [[Wikipedia:Guerrilla warfare|"Gorilla Warfare"]]), is notably heavy on [[Chris and English#Chris and profanity|profanity]]. Presumably to the disappointment of the requester, Chris neglected to read all but one of the curses used. Most were simply deleted, resulting in awkward pauses and seemingly nonsensical sentences, though a few were replaced with milder words or strange sound effects.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Copypasta: Gorilla Warfare
| video = {{#ev:youtube|v=8_KAd19UGs0}}
| stardate = 21 [[July 2016]]
| subject = {{(Handouts)|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}, {{Reason|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = {{(Clopper)|text}}
| previous = [[Paid Video Requests#Happy Birthday, Nathan.|Happy Birthday, Nathan.]]
| next = [[Paid Video Requests#Singing "Yellow Submarine"|Singing "Yellow Submarine"]]
}}

'''Description'''
{{quotebox| And now, another paid request...

via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===
And now, another special recording request, paid, copypasta, their words not mine, called "Gorilla Warfare". What the- did you- just say about me, you little ''bloof''? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy SEALs! And I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Qaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills! I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top of- the top sniper in the entire [[United States of America|U.S.]] armed forces. You're nothing to me! You're just another target! I'll wipe the- out with precision... the likes of which you have- has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my... words. You think you'll get away with saying that... to me into- to me over the internet? Think again! As we speak I'm contacting my secret network of spies across the U.S., and your IP is being traced right now, so you better prepare for the storm, maggot, the storm that wipes out the... [[Duck|pathetic little thing]] you call your life. You're... dead, kid! [''[[It's UGH!|strange growling voice]]''] I can be anywhere, at any time. I can kill you in over 700 ways, and that's just with my bare haaands! [''normal voice''] Not only am I extensive trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corp [''sic''], [''high pitched''] and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little! [''normal voice''] If only you could have known the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|unholy reb- retribution]] your little "clever" comment ''was'' about to bring upon you, maybe you w'ave held your- tongue. But you couldn't, c- you didn't... and now you're paying the price, you god-dang idiot! I will... fury out over you and you will drown in it! You're dead, kiddo.

Yep, [''rolls eyes''] there's another paid creepypasta [''sic''], which I just read. [''claps down phone, [[Creepy stare|stares into camera]]''] Eh, whatever. Have a good day.

==Singing "Yellow Submarine"==
Unlike the other paid requests, Chris seemed genuinely excited to record this cover of a Beatles song, as indicated in the description. He even added a bizarre improvised portion at the end of the video, presumably as [[random-access humor]].

This video is notable for exhibiting an unintentional glance of Chris's crotch, revealing that he is wearing a [[Self-inflicted taint wound|pantiliner]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Singing "Yellow Submarine"
| video = {{#ev:youtube|o_-DFejUbDk}}
| stardate = 22 [[July 2016]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{(Handouts)|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|Unintentional Comedy}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = {{(Clopper)|text}}
| previous = [[Paid Video Requests#Copypasta: Gorilla Warfare|Copypasta: Gorilla Warfare]]
| next = [[Paid Video Requests#Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies|Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies]]
}}

'''Description'''
{{quotebox| With pleasure, and by paid request,

via YouTube Capture
}}

After receiving a barrage of scornful conjectures regarding the accidental exposure of his crotch, Chris updated the video description:
{{quotebox| **In the Accidental crotch shot, I was wearing Panties, a Pantiliner and Pantyhose. OMG!
}}

===Transcript===
{{collapsible
|A long transcript of Chris mostly singing|

Hello, Christine Chandler, coming to you live again, and now by special, paid, request.

[''Chris freezes for several seconds as he holds the [[Chris and music#Recording tech|stereo system]] remote. He finally presses play, and The Beatles' "Yellow Submarine" begins playing. As he begins singing, the camera turns down to look at his K'Nex Yellow Submarine model'' ]

In the town where I was born lived a man who sailed the sea 
And he told us of his life in the land of submarines 
So we sailed into the sun 'till we found the sea of green 
And we live beneath the waves [''chris fiddles with the model''] in our yellow submarine 
We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine 
We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine 
And our friends are all aboard, many more of them live next door 
Then the band begins to play [''imitating a horn''] ''ba-ba-ba-rump-ra-rump-ra-rump-ra-rump-a-rump-a-rump-ba-rump-a-rump'' 
We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine 
We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine 

[''in a strange squeaky voice''] "Full speed ahead, Mr. Boatswain [''pronounced boats-wain''], full speed ahead! Ah, feel it is, sir! Cut the- cut the cable, drop the cable! C- aye, sir, aye, aye! Captain, [[Speech impediment|cowdun]]!"

[''He continues to sing, awkwardly trying to do the accompanying vocals as well with a higher pitch'']

As we live beneath these- a life of ease! 
And every one of us- every one of us! Has all we need- has all we need! 
Sky of blue- sky of blue! And sea of green- sea of green! 
In our yellow- in our yellow! Submarine, ha ha! 
We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine 
We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine 
We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine 
[''quietly''] All live in a yellow submarine...

[''Chris cuts off music but keeps singing''] Yellow submarine, yellow submarine... [''Chris picks up a K'Nex hippopotamus figure and moves it toward the camera''] and we all live in a hipp- [''camera falls over on its side''] Mmph! [''Chris sets camera up again, now holding another toy figure resembling a pig''] [[Random-access humor|We all live in a hippopotamus, a hippopotamus, a hippopotamus]] [''The camera falls over again, this time looking under the table and giving the viewer an unintentional shot of a seemingly oblivious Chris's crotch, revealing that he is wearing a pantiliner.''][''picking up camera again, still holding toy''] We all live in a hippopotamus, a hippopotamus, [''he sets it down on top of a human figure''] sitting on my head. Duh! Ba-bum! [''setting down "hippo" toy again''] Hippopotamus, sitting on my head! Duh! Get off my head, hippo!

[''Chris holds up a piece of the Yellow Submarine model''] And on a personal note, [[Lego]] would have done a be'er job with the construction of the Yellow Submarine than... K'Nex did. [''he demonstrates the model falling apart as he tries to pick it up''] Falls apart easy! Made in the USA, these [[HEXBox|Kinect]] [''sic''] parts. Anyway, there you go. "Yellow Submarine". Have a good day.}}

==Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies==
{{Honest}}
Similar to his last paid request, Chris appeared genuinely eager to record this video. His enthusiasm grew as the recording progressed—his voice projecting excitement as his pitch increased—especially when he shook his chest. This may be because—however briefly or mockingly—Chris became the object of someone else's sexuality. In total, Chris says the word "fuck" 32 times in the video.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies
| video = {{#ev:youtube|cAR-6otspXk}}
| stardate = 22 [[July 2016]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Sex|text}}, {{(Handouts)|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = {{TurquoiseTankTop|text}}
| previous = [[Paid Video Requests#Singing "Yellow Submarine"|Singing "Yellow Submarine"]]
| next = [[Paid Video Requests#For Elisabeth|For Elisabeth]]
}}

This video was deleted by Youtube for violating its policy on "nudity or sexual content."

'''Description'''
{{quotebox| via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===
[''Chris retracts his right hand from the bottom right of the frame. He raises his eyebrows twice, then begins to recite the message. While doing this, he locks his forearms at a 90 degree angle to his upper arms, and rotates his torso left and right, as if he is dancing. '']

Fuck fuck fuck,

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck,

Fuck fuck fuck,

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck,

Fuck fuck fuck,

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck,

Fuck fuck fuck,

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!

[''Chris abruptly grabs his chest with both hands, one on each breast, and jiggles the flab underneath violently'']

Shake my boobiieees! Shake my boobies!

[''Chris quickly crosses his arms over his chest, presumably in a failed attempt to hide his burgeoning cleavage'']

Shake my boobies!

[''Chris shakes his head'']

Wee!

[''Chris reaches with his right hand to the bottom right of the frame'']

==For Elisabeth==
{{Infobox/video
| name = For Elisabeth
| video = {{#ev:youtube|XxJPbuAkaY0}}
| stardate = 22 [[July 2016]]
| subject = {{(Handouts)|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = {{TurquoiseTankTop|text}}
| previous = [[Paid Video Requests#Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies|Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies]]
| next = [[Paid Video Requests#To Stephen.|To Stephen.]]
}}

'''Description'''
{{quotebox| via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===
{{collapsible
|A long transcript of Chris mostly singing|

[''Chris looks into the camera and adjusts his glasses.'']

And now, my special paid request to Elizabeth, from your friend. If the, uh, tracks pauses, it's because the internet connection. My bad. Christine Chandler coming to ya live.

[''Chris looks up and to the left at his television, which is out of the shot. He presses a button on his controller, and the song'' Stereo Love ''written by Edward Maya and featuring Mia Martina begins to play. Chris follows along weakly, quickly getting out of sync with the lyrics.'']

When's a you're gonna stop breaking my heart 
I don't wanna be another one 
Pa-paying for the things I never done 
Don't let go 
Don't let go 
To my love 

Can I get to your soul 
Can you get to my thoughts 
Can you promise we won't let go 
All the things that I need 
All the things that you need 
Tha-You can make it feel so reeeeeal. 

Cuz you can't deny 
You've blown my mind 
When I touch your body 
As-I feel I'm losing control 
Cuz you can't deny 
You've blown my mind 
When I see you baby 
I just don't wanna let go 

I hate to see you cry 
Your smile's a beautiful lie 
I hate to see you cry 
My love is dyin' inside 

I can fix all those lies 
But baby, baby, I run, but I'm running to you 
You won't see me cryyyy, I'm hiding insiii 
My heart is in pain but I'm smiling for you 

Can I get to your soul 
Can't you get to my thoughts 
Can you promise we won't let goooo 
All the things that I need 
All the things that you need 
You can make it feel so reeeal 

Cuz you can't deny 
You've blown my mind 
When I touch your body 
I feel I'm losing control 
Lis-Cuz you can't deny 
You've blown my mind 
When I see you baby 
I just don't wanna let goooo 

When's you gonna stop breaking my hearrrt 
Don't let go 
Don't let goooo 
To my loooove 

-te to see you cry 
Your smile's a beautiful liiieee 
I hate to see you cry 
My love is dying insiiide 
I hate to see you cry 
My love is dyin' insiiide 
I hate to see you cry 
My love is dyin' insiiide 

I can fix all's lies 
But baby, baby, I run, but I'm running to you 
Won't see me cryyy, I'm hiding inside 
My heart is in pain but I'm smiling for you 
Oh baby I'll try to make the things right 
I need you more than air when I'm not with you 
Please don't as' me why, jus' kiss me this time 
My only dream is about you and Iii. 

[''The video ends. Chris turns his head back to the camera.'']

There you go, Elizabeth. Have a good day.}}

==To Stephen.==
{{Infobox/video
| name = To Stephen.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|RP9VKMOg-wg}}
| stardate = 22 [[July 2016]]
| subject = {{(Handouts)|text}}, {{Music|text}}, {{Television|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = {{TurquoiseTankTop|text}}
| previous = [[Paid Video Requests#For Elisabeth|For Elisabeth]]
| next = [[Paid Video Request Reminder]]
}}

'''Description'''
{{quotebox| via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===
[''The camera shakes as Chris turns it towards himself. He turns his head slightly to look into the camera.'']

Hello Steven (sic), this is Christine Chandler coming live to you. Paid request.

[''Chris looks directly down at his phone, which bobs in and out of the frame.'']

Uh, so yeah a friend of yours wanted me to, make, uh, a personal [''Chris raises his hand with the phone and takes off his glasses''] video shoutout to you, or, uh just talk to you.

[''Chris bring his phone into the center of the frame. He alternates throughout the message between looking at the phone and the camera.'']

Um, so yeah, heard you had surgery, so, that's good. You survived. Feel like you got a new lease. [''Chris looks up, then at the camera.''] Very good. Very good. Reason to live. Hmm. An', let's see, uh, oh, your friend really likes you, yeah, think you're the nicest person they ever know, you got a birthday-you HAD a birthday, so, happy belated birthday. Your friend's sorry about that too. Mmm. Movies and cartoons. So: [''Chris blows on his phone screen.''] I dunno if you're old enough to have h-seen the Saw movies, but [http://sawfilms.wikia.com/wiki/John_Kramer the story behind John Kramer] was pretty good. Um, an' cartoons, yeah-ah, shit! [''Chris holds the phone to his head briefly and makes a pained face''] start with a movie-a cartoon movie, um, oh well!

[''Chris starts to sing in a high-pitched voice to the tune of'' Everything is Awesome ''from the Lego Movie, although he sings the wrong lyrics.'']

Everything is groovy! 
Everything is cool when-[''Chris pauses'']-part of the team! 
Everything is groovy! 

[''Chris attempts to imitate a much older man now.'']

It's the Lego Movie! 
Lego Lego Movie!

[''In a higher pitched voice.''] 
Groovy! 
Movie! 

[''Chris returns to his normal voice.''] An, good luck to you an' both of your dogs! So, have a great day, Steven! [''Chris drops his phone.''] Take care.

==Machine Romans==
Note: This video was uploading to [https://gaming.youtube.com/channel/UCN4fi8RjeYVVRbeavxeXffw an alternate account], due to Chris receiving a temporary ban from his main channel.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Machine Romans
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Ch0t6ZPxTxo}}
| stardate = 28 [[July 2016]]
| subject = {{(Handouts)|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = {{TurquoiseTankTop|text}}
| previous = [[Paid Video Request Reminder]]
| next = [[Birthday Greetings for BellyBoi69]]
}}

'''Description'''
{{quotebox| Paid for by StrokeTheWizard - soundcloud.com/strokethewizard More information: nobodytm.com

Common Filth: youtube.com/channel/UCb9NIDFFW4KOqc6hGBnFBhg

via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===
[''Chris turns the camera towards himself. He glances down at a piece of paper out of frame, then back at the camera.'']

Hello ev'rybody, 'nother paid request, [''Chris brings the piece of paper into the bottom left of the frame.''] so without further ado, hmm, [''Chris's voice becomes lower in pitch. Throughout the reading, the pitch and tone of his voice fluctuates between his normal voice and this more somber voice, and he pronounces several of the words in the passage with great difficulty.'']

Our civilization's trajectory is irreversible. We are being physically culled by visions, and our machines are domesticating us. Corporations are plotting to build sub-realities via trendy virtual-reality technology, that celebrities will soon endorse as fashion, so they may act as gods to the underclasses. In a matrix of their own creation, the spiritual peasants are all too eager to submit. Sexual intimacy will no longer be ''intimate,'' the act will be as mundane conversation. We will be monitored by artificial intelligence, through every medium, for our own protection, and humans will always feel inclined to erode morality, through slogans relating to love and freedom. Believing that it is part of evolution, conditioned from birth to worship the institution, the narrative will not be conquered from within. Faith must be put into intangible higher orders; do not submit to the good of mere machines.

[''Chris puts the paper down and faces the camera again. He now speaks in his normal voice.'']

Okay. That's fair. Have a good day.

==Birthday Greetings for BellyBoi69==
Even though this video was released on 28 July 2018, Chris's [[Chris_and_fashion|wardrobe]] and his location suggest that it was made in [[2016]].
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris's paid video for BellyBoi69
| video = {{#ev:youtube|3ZA6AG9kECg}}
| stardate = 28 July 2016
| subject = {{Marketing|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| Saga = {{Business|text}}
| shirt = {{TurquoiseTankTop|text}} {{The Musical Tote|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Machine Romans]]
| next = [[Reading: "A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire"]]

}}

====Transcript====
[''Aerial shot of Chris.'']
Hello, Ily [''pronounced like "Reilly"''] in Australia. I guess that's how you [[Honor roll|spell]] your name 'cause your friends... typed it as I-L-Y. Anyway, happy birthday to you and... I'll do this m'selfie stick because, uh... complicated to link my PS4 to my YouTube account, doesn't wanna. Anyway, [''Chris briefly lowers the camera, giving the audience a boob shot''] here's the selfie stick, a'ight, do your dance. [''Chris begins humming a tune and dances, inverting and lowering the camera during the latter part of the routine.''] Happy birthday, Ily.

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris-Chan's July 2016 Paid Video Requests Reversed
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0uZiR5-_32w}}
| stardate = 21 [[January 2018]]
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuObAUCueXDNZpyhljfQ_kQ Craig Smith]
| subject =
| type =
| info = The July 2016 Paid Video Requests, compiled and now played backwards
}}

==Sources==
<references/>

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Update_20160718]]|nextlink=[[Reading: "A Girl Who Brought Down the World", "And Apparently Survived a Housefire"]]}}

{{BusinessList}}
[[Category:Business]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, 2016]]
[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Chris slaps himself

2018-12-18T15:25:33Z

Hallowed Ween:

'''Chris slaps himself''' is the third [[Idea Guys]] video leaked on Chris's Twitter. The person who hacked into his Twitter claimed that this video was made after [[Chris apologizes to Gwen]], a video from [[The Bad Beginning]] chat. Like all the leaked videos, it was deleted by Chris minutes later.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris slaps himself
| video = {{#ev:youtube|lyYZYZ4_jFA}}
| stardate = 9 [[April 2018]]
| subject =
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Idea Guy|text}}
| shirt =
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[April_2018_Paid_Video_Requests#Buy_Shin_Megami_Tensei_Nocturne|Buy Shin Megami Tensei Nocturne]]
| next = [[Buy Our Things off of my eBay to help us, Please]]
}}

==Description==
{{quotebox|chrissy sissy once apologized to me for being a fuck up... but I made him slap himself anyway.. b0rb was so happy she did a lil dance for me!}}

==Transcript==
[''Chris takes a deep breath, braces himself and begins slapping himself back and forth in the face.'']
[''Punctuating his slaps''] Urgh, dirty, oorgh... Dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, fuck, fuck, fuckin' 'ore! Dir'y, dir'y, whore, dir'y, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, [''grunts "whore" ten times, then stops slapping himself and groans in pain.'']

[[Category:Leaked videos]]

Cat video - Sylvia playing

2018-12-18T15:17:08Z

Hallowed Ween: transcribed video

'''Cat video - Sylvia playing''' is a video Chris uploaded to [[YouTube]] on 17 [[November 2018]]. The video opens on Chris's [[Chandler Cats|cat]] Sylvia playing with a cat toy that is held by Chris who is off camera. The backdrop for the video is the sign from the Dreaming Studio propped up against a table in Chris's [[room]]. Throughout the short video, Chris makes candid remarks about Sylvia while she jumps at the toy Chris is holding.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Cat video - Sylvia playing
| video = {{#ev:youtube|fjPUGJZE8iI}}
| stardate = 17 [[November 2018]]
| subject = {{Other|Pets}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}
| saga =
| previous = [[Dimensional Merge Announcements]]
| next = [[Shrek Retold#Chris's Entry|Shrek Retold]]
}}

===Description===
She has been eating her food and doing a lot better. Look at her. 😊⚡️💙⚡️

Song from radio: “We Found Love” by Rihanna.
===Transcript===
[''Chris dangles a cat toy-- a mouse on a rope-- in front of Sylvia for a few moments as music plays in the background. She pounces on it.''] [''Baby voice''] Hey Sylvia. [''Sylvia continues playing with the cat toy, but becomes annoyed when Chris holds it in her face, and turns away.''] Sylvia, you're so silly. [''As Sylvia''] Mommy, you're so silly. You're so delightful. [''Chris stops imitating his cat and watches as Sylvia plays with the toy some more. Eventually, she glances at the "Mr C and Little C" plaque behind her. Coincidentally, the toy is facing the same way.''] Cat and mouse reading. There's your meme. [''Sylvia continues playing as Chris laughs in adoration. Chris closes the video with an unintelligible comment'']

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Dimensional Merge Announcements]]|nextlink=[[Shrek Retold#Chris's Entry|Shrek Retold]]}}

All Star

2018-12-18T15:02:39Z

Hallowed Ween: transcribed song. he slurred a lot of the words so if it's preferable to remove all those contractions i'll do so

On 21 [[April 2018]], [[Chris]] uploaded a cover of "'''[[wikipedia:All Star (song)|All Star]]'''" by [[wikipedia:Smash Mouth|Smash Mouth]] to the [[Idea Guy]]s on Discord during the [[Cryzel Torture]] chat. The video was eventually leaked by Null.

On 18 [[November 2018]], the second part of Chris singing the same song, this time while [[mass debating]], was leaked to his [[Twitter]] by a troll impersonating [[Magi-Chan]]. It was deleted minutes later, but it was quickly preserved.

Notably, Chris sings in the same growling voice that he used to indicate he was singing under duress way back in [[It's UGH!]] (2009).

==Singing All Star Part 1==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris chan sings All Star
| video = {{#ev:youtube|C5j5PSKRSp4}}
| stardate = 21 [[April 2018]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Idea Guy|text}}
| shirt =
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[April 2018 Paid Video Requests#Message to Dio Brando, Plus I Need a New Phone!|Message to Dio Brando, Plus I Need a New Phone!]]
| next =
}}

===Transcript===
[''Chris makes a [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|constipated grunt]] and the camera briefly gains a green tint. He begins reading the lyrics from his phone in a similar constipated low growl, with heavy tone variation, and gesticulating wildly.'']
Some-BODY once told me,

the WORLD is gonna ROLL ME!

I ain't the sharpest [''voice drops to croaking voice''] torl in the sheeeed!

She was looking [''Chris gives up on following the melody''] kinda ''dumb''

[''Mimes along with the next two lines''] With her ''finger'' and her ''thumb''

In the shape of an L, on her foreheeead!

[''Remembers the melody again''] Well... the years start comin'

And they don't [[English|starp]] comin'

Feh to the rules and they hit the ground runnin'

It dudn't make sense not to live for fun

[''High growl, slurred''] Y'brain gets [[Honor roll|smart]] [''Low growl''] but yer head gets dumb

So much to do, so much to see,

So what's wrong with takin' the backstre'

You'll never know if you don't go

You'll never shine if you don't GLOW

Hey know, you're an all star

Get your game on, go bleh

Hurr nurr, yer a ruckstar

Get the show on, get beh

[''Shakes his phone''] ''And all that glitters is gooold''

Only shootin' ''STUURS'' break the ''mooold?''

It's a col' place, and they say i'gets col'er

Yer bun'led up now until y'ge' ol'er

The me'eor men beg t'differ

Judgin' by the hole in their satellite picture

The ice ge' thay, [''gibberish as he loses his place''] w'er w'er w'er... [''small groan'']

[''Picks up the tempo''] W'er's ge'in warm so ya might as well ''swim!''

My world's on fire, how 'bout yours?

That's the way I like it, I'll never get bore'

Hey now, you're an all star

Getcher game on, go blay

Hey now, you're a rockstar

Get the show on, get beh

[''Begins continuously shaking phone''] An' all that gli'ers is ''gooold!''

Only shootin' ''staaars breeeak'' the ''mooold!''

[''Almost 20 seconds of growling, warbling and Hulk Hogan-like arm shaking'']

Hey now, you're an all star

Getcher game on, go blay

Hey now, you're a rockstar

Get yer show on, get bleh

[''Poses with arms out and head low''] An' ''ALL'' that gli'ers is ''GOOOL'''

[''Another brief growl solo'']

Only shootin' ''staaaaaaars...''

Some''bo''dy once-- [''Unintelligible'']

[[Ohio trip|Spare some change for gas, I need to get away from]]

Self away from this ''place''

[''Growls'']

I sai', "Yup... ''WHA' CONCE'!''

I could use lotta fuel myself!

An' we could all use a little [''Leaning towards the camera''] ''chaaange!''"

[''[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Growl rising in pitch]]'']

Well, the years start comin'

And they don't stop comin'

I feh to the rules an' I hit the ground ruh

Di'n' make sense not to live for fun

Yer brain gets smart but yer head gets dumb

''So much'' to do, so much t'see

So what's wrong with takin' the backstre'

Ya never know if you don't go. [''Lurches towards the camera''] '''''GUH-OOH!'''''

Ya never knuh if ya don't [''Lurches again, but less intensely''] ''glow''

Hey now, you're an ahrl star

Get the game on, go blay

Hey now, you're a wock star

Get the show on, get pay

An' all that gli'ers is ''goool'!''

[''Growls'']

Only shootin' stars break the mol'?

An' ''all'' that gli'ers is gold

Only shoo'in' stars, break the frickin' ''moooold!''

[''Chris makes an extended constipated grunt, picks up the camera, spins around and punches it to the ground.'']

==Singing All Star Part 2==
{{Honest}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = For Shrek's Eyes Only
| video = {{#ev:youtube|IRPCEWn07Nc}}
| stardate = 21 [[April 2018]]
| subject = {{Music|text}} {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Idea Guy|text}}
| shirt =
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous =
| next = [[I’m Sorry for Ruining so many Fandoms]]
}}

The uncensored version can be found [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/11-18-chriss-twitter-posts-a-video-of-him-jacking-off.50093/ here], if you really need to see it.

===Description===
{{quotebox|This is how chris pays tribute to his lovers
- The guy in the "bluegras state"

You lose farms!}}

===Transcript===
[''Chris is kneeling on his bed in the nude, pounding on his bent duck while writhing in discomfort. The shitty camera quality and blue pillow somewhat obscure his bits, but it's otherwise completely obvious what he's doing.'']

--your head gets dumb 
So much to do, so much to see 
...what's wrong with TAKING the backstreet?! 
Uh, no, fairy snow 
Never shine if you don't know!

Hey now, you're an all star 
Get show on, get paid 
Hey now, you're a rock star 
Get the show on, get PAID 
And all that glitters is GOOOOLLLD 
...shooting stars break the MOOOOLD 
And all [''mumbling''] is gooooold 
Only shootin' stars break the MOOOOOOOLLLLDDD!!!!! 
[''music ends and all that's left is the unholy sound of Chris fapping'']

{{LeakedVideos}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[April 2018 Paid Video Requests#Message to Dio Brando, Plus I Need a New Phone!|Message to Dio Brando, Plus I Need a New Phone!]]|nextlink=[[I’m Sorry for Ruining so many Fandoms]]}}

==See also==
* [[For Julie's Eyes Only]]
* [[Chris humps his PS3]]
* [[Sam and Ellen]]

December 2018 videos

2018-12-18T13:50:56Z

Hallowed Ween: Transcribed treadmill video

This page contains Chris's videos from [[December 2018]].

==Why did you interrupt my video, Barbara?==
Chris says it's snowing, then grumbles at his [[mother]] for interrupting the video.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Why did you interrupt my video, Barbara?
| video = {{#ev:youtube|X4-VeY03upI}}
| stardate = 5 [[December 2018]]
| subject = {{Other}}
| style = {{Rage|text}} {{Comedy|text}}
| saga =
| previous = [[Shrek Retold#Chris's Entry|Shrek Retold]]
| next =
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox|Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow! For tomorrow, it melts, or I end up shoveling some of it. 😊

⚡️💙⚡️}}

===Transcript===
Hey, everybody. It's snowing here in [[1218]], Virginia. Why did you interrupt my video, Barbara? There's a joke. Have a good day.

==Address to FunkO's Cereal==

In this video ([[Chris and cinematography|awkwardly cut into two parts]]), Chris extols the virtues of "FunkO's", a brand of generic sugary cereal sold as a specialty item with the marketing gimmick of including a Funko toy figurine. He completely misses the point of this business strategy and suggests that the cereal should be sold in big-box stores without the toy so that he can buy more of it with his [[Financhu Crisis|limited financial means]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Address to FunkO's Cereal, Part 1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Q2tLvWTC5O4}}
| stardate = 5 [[December 2018]]
| subject = {{Other}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga =
| previous =
| next =
}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Address to FunkO's Cereal, Part 2
| video = {{#ev:youtube|d1faP3qv1W8}}
| stardate = 5 [[December 2018]]
| subject = {{Other}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga =
| previous =
| next =
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox|Hey, @OriginalFunko, how about making the Funko’s Cereal available in all cereal aisles in random colours and a random figure Optionally available in the boxes, please? 😊 Your multigrain cereal is Really Good! I would buy a 20oz box, just for the cereal, at $4.99.}}

===Transcript===
[''Part 1'']

Hey, everybody! Just wanted to offer a little [[Chris and brand loyalty|voluntary...]] individ- opinion about [''holds up FunkO's box to camera''] Funko brand's FunkO's cereal! But just the cereal though, I mean, because having all the pictures and the figures in them is good and all, but the cereal is really good. I mean, various colors therein, but I mean, hey, Funko company, you know what you could do with the cereal? ''Actually put it in the grocery stores'' and in the cereal aisles of the [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Marts]], the [[Get-Tar Region|Targets]], and everywhere, all the actual cereal aisle, instead of just making it a "specialty food item available only in certain places", you could make it available with, or without, the included [[List of toys|''toy!'']] and actually put more of the cereal in the box, like you know, make it a [[Obesity|family-size]] box of ''FunkO's!'' FunkO's!

Because that berry flavor is totally awesome, and it's a multi-grain cereal, so, it's definitely... a [[Chris and health#Diet and nutrition|good part of a balanced breakfast]]. So anyway, hey Funko, let's get the act together, let's put your cereal in the act- in all the cereal aisles. Okay? And you could just put various... pictures on the front, like, or even just, just even, just Social Time Freddy, just on the front cover, enjoying the cereal, and just... put FunkO's on the top part. ''FunkO's!'' FunkO's! And this is a really good cereal. Let's have... cereal in the cereal aisles, [[South Park|mmkay]]?

I had other thoughts that are escaping me, but - oh, not only that, but you could also just, in the bowl, yac'put various, you could make it like, eh, sections like, individual colors, just like, you know, [[rainbow]] from red to purple. From red to violet. Aaand, yac'put... all, uh, all of them in each box, just put a ''random color'' in each of them, so like, you know, in one... neutral type of FunkO's box, could be red, anurr one could be yellow, anurr one could be ''orange!'', anurr one could be blue, anurr one could be... ''pur''ple, youguyshavefunwidda-

[''Part 2, picking up near the end of Part 1'']

... eh, sections like, individual colors, just like, you know, [[rainbow]] from red to purple. From red to violet. Aaand, yac'put... all, uh, all of them in each box, just put a ''random color'' in each of them, so like, you know, in one, neutral type of FunkO's box, could be red, anurr one could be yellow, anurr one could be ''orange!'', anurr one could be blue, anurr one could be... ''pur''ple, youguyshavefunwiddat, 'cause the cereal is really good, so, Funko, let's get in on that, so then... I don't have to pay [[Chris and money|eight bucks]] for... this awesome cereal. Every time. [''sets down cereal box''] Pay like, four, five bucks for... bigger box of just the cereal, because... it really is good, and... at... two thumbs up. Okay? [''holds up right thumb''] Here's one, [''holds up same thumb again''] and here's another, because... my other thumb's holding the camera, hehe. Alright. Thank you, Funko company!

==Supportive message for Gracie==

Chris records a message for Gracie, after her father had tweeted:

{{quoteboxgreen|Hello my Twitter friends. This is my daughter Gracie whos getting Bullied and picked on at school. Being told shes Ugly and Fat and looks like a boy all the usual stuff. Can she get some love we've told her how Beautiful she is Love you Gracie❤❤❤}}

The father's tweet had been retweeted by [[Tara Strong]], who said:

{{quoteboxwhite|Hello beautiful. Please tell her she’s awesome & bullies suck & I’m happy to send her a special voice recording & I 💜 her?}}

Upon seeing Strong's tweet, Chris recorded his own message.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Supportive message for Gracie
| video = {{#ev:youtube|pRJ2UHf9zPY}}
| stardate = 8 [[December 2018]]
| subject = {{Other}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga =
| previous =
| next =
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox|Hi, Gracie. You are beautiful, and you certainly are not fat; those bullies can take their insults and Zap It Up theirs. Ignore them, and stay Awesome as you are, with Great Self-Esteem, girl. 😊 ⚡️💙⚡️}}

===Transcript===
Hi Gracie, this is Christine Chandler, giving you a little support. I hear you're being bullied. [''brushes hair back''] Don't let the bullies bother you. I mean, [[Chris and his ego|I've been there with you]]. [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|I was bullied]] in my childhood too. I was bullied for being different, because of my... [[autism]]. But that's a whole different ting, and I didn't let that stop me, and I was [[Trolls|cyberbullied]] since 2007. Think I'd let that stop me? Nope. Nothing's stopping me. I continued on. [[Sonichu (comic)|I created]], and I worked. And you can do the same, just... you are beautiful, you are bright, and [[Pedofork|you definitely look very lovely, you look like a woman]], yes you do. [''deep breath''] And when somebody tells you otherwise, you can tell them that I said, [''points at camera''] they can take their insults and [''thrusts hand upward''] [[List of things Chris has shoved up his ass|zap it up theirs]]. But seriously though, just tell everybody, tell- report them to your [[Jerkop|authorities]], your [[Bruce Johnson|principal]], whoever's nearby, an adult. Okay? Alright. Good luck, Gracie. Stay awesome. Zap to the extreme!

==Tour of Chris's House III==
{{main|Tour of Chris's House III}}

==Chris slaps himself==
{{main|Chris slaps himself}}

==Barb confirms she isn't dead==
On 14 December 2018, the troll who had been leaking videos from the [[Idea Guys]] saga on Chris's Twitter logged in again, this time to post:

{{quoteboxred|RIP Barbara Anne Weston Chandler 1941-2018 😇😇😇😭😭😭😢😢😢😢}}

About a minute later, the tweet was deleted by Chris. Three minutes after the tweet appeared, Chris uploaded this video as a rebuttal. He further claimed that he would increase his security measures to prevent being hacked again<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1073740669750001664</ref>.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Barb confirms she isn't dead.
| video = {{#ev:youtube|kG-oUKpxzXs}}
| stardate = 14 [[December 2018]]
| subject = {{Rumors|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Tragedy|text}}
| saga = {{Idea Guy|text}}
| previous =
| next =
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox|Does she look dead to you, damn Hacker!}}

===Transcript===
Chris: Hey Mom, Say Something.

Barb: My Name is Barbara Chandler.

Chris: Are you Dead right now?

Barb: No.

Chris: You're Very much Alive?

Barb: Yes

Chris: How Strong do you feel?

Barb: Very Strong.

Chris: Good, Thank you.

==Sylvia==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Sylvia
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Sf7eR1eic8c}}
| stardate = 16 [[December 2018]]
| subject =
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga =
| previous =
| next =
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox|But, for a good Twitter Feed Topper for a while, here’s a little bit of [[Sylvia]]. 😸}}

===Transcript===
[''Chris speaks in a baby voice as Sylvia leans on Chris's knee and licks herself and a high-pitched beep repeatedly sounds''] Hello Sylvia, lookit you being so sweet, aww. [''Unintelligible''] because the big coincidence between-n [[Dimensional_Merge|dimensions...]] is you can start [[Patti-chan|hanging out]] [[Reality|with me.]] You such a schweet, good little kitty. [''Chris begins fondling Sylvia's head. She freezes.''] Yesh you are. [''Raising his voice to an alien-sounding tone''] Yes you are, [''Back to baby voice''] [[Chris_and_Sex#Bestiality|so pretty, too.]] [''Chris continues scratching, punctuated with incoherent cutesy noises. Sylvia wriggles her head. Chris switches to the alien tone.''] I know you sho cute! [''Chris brings the camera over to an aerial view of Sylvia and returns to the baby voice.''] Aww. Thank you for being Your Schweetness. [''Chris stops scratching and Sylvia contorts to look at him expectantly with a purr.'']

==On mah Treadmill, dawgs! ==

{{Infobox/video
| name = On mah Treadmill, dawgs!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|87Dnl9GltY0}}
| stardate = 16 [[December 2018]]
| subject = {{Power|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga =
| previous =
| next =
}}

===Description===
{{quotebox|On mah [[Treadmill]], dawgs! ⚡️💙⚡️}}

===Transcript===
[''Chris steps back from the camera and raises a finger. The camera waves around unsteadily through the video.''] Hey errybody! Check it out. [''Briefly flashes the [[medallion]] and tucks it back into his shirt.''] Jus't'let you that it ''is'' me... I'm walkin'! [''Chris activates his treadmill with a beep, clenches his fists in an attempt to assume a power stance and, moments later, the treadmill starts and he begins walking. The camera begins trembling. After a few seconds, he increases the speed.''] I got [''holds up [[Honor roll|four]] fingers''] three miles an hour and ''countin','' [[Pedofork|baby!]] Heh-heh! [''Chris reaches for the camera to turn it off.'']

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Shrek Retold#Chris's Entry|Shrek Retold]]|nextlink=[[January 2019 videos]]}}