CWCki - User contributions [en]

Family Guy

2010-10-14T08:32:55Z

Hamsterjelly: not ironic

[[Image:Herbert (Family Guy).JPG|thumb|Chris's favorite Family Guy character, [[Pedofork|Herbert]]. ''Get your fat ass back here!'']]

''[[Family Guy]]'' is an animated sitcom known for basing most of its jokes around pop-cultural references, which is interesting considering [[Chris]] rips it off so much in his comics.

The series is also the inspiration for Chris's infamous ''[[Ghostbusters]]'' [[Sonichu_7#The_Family_Guy_.22Skitch.22|"skitch"]] that appeared in ''[[Sonichu 7]]'' and introduced the one-off appearance of his character [[Sammy]], a creation that was a mix between Chris and Peter Griffin (srsly, and you thought his mix of him and [[Sonichu]] was bad!). Chris had hoped that the creator of ''Family Guy'', [[Wikipedia:Seth MacFarlane|Seth MacFarlane]], could possibly use his sketch in a future episode, but he unfortunately didn't realize MacFarlane is quite capable of making unfunny, plagiarized, boring shit on his own.

==Influence on Chris==
[[Image:Meg 08-10-2009.jpg|thumb|Chris's declaration of intention regarding [[Megan Schroeder|Meg]].]]

Chris has variously expressed fanaticism for the series and watches it regularly. It can be inferred from this that the show's frequent use of [[random-access humor|non-sequitur, referential humor]] has bolstered Chris's belief that reproducing (or at least deriving) themes, motifs and characters from other works makes for legitimate, original art and has influenced his muddled understanding of [[parody]].

Also significant is his [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|citing of ''Family Guy'']] as material that endorses [[homos|homophobia]], having completely misinterpreted what was a not-so-subtle jab at the prejudice in an episode. As the series often deals with issues of bigotry and other social taboos in a manner which to most would constitute unsubtle, perhaps even ham-fisted, irony, the question is raised as to what other messages from the show Chris takes at face value.

One of the best examples of Chris's misunderstandings of the show is Chris's referencing of a scene in which Stewie quotes the Bible to prove that gay marriage is wrong, the joke being that Stewie himself is ambiguously gay, making his quoting of the Bible hypocritical. This joke obviously soared over Chris's head, and even now, Chris references that scene to prove that being gay is wrong. What's even more ridiculous is the fact that Chris seems to have not heard of any specific parts of the Bible that condemn homosexuality, despite being a supposedly devout Christian his entire life, until it was spelled out in an animated comedy series.

It is notable that Seth MacFarlane holds almost the complete opposite beliefs to Chris — he is liberal, atheist, supports gay marriage, believes in gay rights, and has hinted at drug use. The irony is nearly painful. [[Jack Thaddeus]] once purchased ad space on [[CWCipedia]] to display an ad banner announcing MacFarlane's support for gay rights; Chris was mortally offended and demanded the ad's removal.

Chris lifts lines and phrases from the show in conversation, perhaps unconsciously. He's been heard spouting the wacky phrase, "In da eaaaaggghh!", probably referring to an episode where Meg and her boyfriend take an abstinence pledge, and are discovered by Lois having ear sex. When he's angry — in the [[Father Call]], in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], in the e-mail that accompanied the [[sports bra photo series]] — Chris often declares that a person or situation "grinds his gears," which was Peter Griffin's stock saying in [[Wikipedia:Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story|''Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story'']].

==Similarities with ''Family Guy''==
[[Image:Peter Weston Griffen.JPG|thumb|The impostor!]]

While very likely unintentional, since it is highly doubtful that Seth MacFarlane knows of Chris's existence, there are a few instances of similarity from Chris's work with ''Family Guy''.

The first few minutes of "[[Wikipedia:Road to Germany|Road to Germany]]," when Mort Goldman looks desperately for a bathroom, only to accidentally go into Stewie's new time machine, is strikingly similar to the ''[[Ghostbusters]]'' skitch.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcville//SchuComic8P5.htm Ghostbusters "skitch"]</ref>

Likewise, many trolls noticed how uncanny Peter Griffin in the episode "[[Wikipedia:Three Kings (Family Guy)|Three Kings]]" was wearing a shirt very similar to one of Chris's [[Chris and fashion|trademark shirts]]. However, the shirt was originally featured in the 1986 film, [[Wikipedia:Stand by Me (film)|''Stand by Me'']], on which this segment of "Three Kings" was based.<ref>[http://www.breakfastclubquotes.com/images/StandByMe1.jpg TCM advert for Stand by Me]</ref>

In the episode "[[Wikipedia:Family Goy|Family Goy]]," Peter falls in love with a cardboard cutout of [[Kimmi|Kathy Ireland]] and later [[Sex tape|has sex with said cutout]].

Another episode features a plot centered around the characters making a conscious effort to treat Meg better (a point of contention Chris has always had with the series). This seems mostly coincidence, except for a sequence where Peter performs as a male stripper dressed like a police officer. His stripper name? ... "[[Officer Nasty]]."

==Controversy==
A majority of the show is based off its shock appeal, and has sparked several debates with parental groups over TV. Despite claiming to be a "family man", Chris believes that it is okay, even ''beneficial'', for parents to show their children ''Family Guy'' at extremely young and impressionable ages. But only under parental supervision! This is despite the show's notoriety for its onslaught of sex jokes, violence, and language. The jokes would fly right over any kid's head, yet Chris believes that kids would find the show so hilarious that they'd even quote it. Most kids would find the show uninteresting, if only for the fact that they wouldn't get ''any'' of the jokes, most of which are lewd.

==Chris and Meg==

{{Quote|Megan thanks me very much for my compliments I gave a lot of, and we hang out throughout the episode (I hope she has turned Eighteen by the time I get there, so this can be a really good story).|Chris, on what makes a story [[China|really good]].<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy Cwcipedia page on Family Guy]</ref>}}[[Image:Chris&Meg.jpg|thumb|The depths of Chris's mind. Notice that Meg is the dominant one.]]

[[Image:ChrisChanfamilyguy.jpg|thumb|Chris's welcome page as of 9 October 2009]]
Chris has a crush on [[Meg Griffin]] (a cartoon character, for those keeping track at home). However, what Chris doesn't seem to understand is that a good portion of the show's "humor" is intended to come at the expense of Meg Griffin. She is mostly portrayed as fat, unlikeable and ugly (sound familiar?) and given very few lines in episodes. Despite her portrayal, Chris has developed feelings for her, perhaps finding a kindred spirit in another person whose only use seems to be to entertain the masses by being constantly mistreated by the world at large (that or her name just reminds him of [[Megan Schroeder|someone...]]). Although she is [[pedofork|underage]], Chris has sought porn of her, going so far as to assimilate it into his comics (see [[:Image:Chrischantraced2.jpg|here]]).

On 8 [[October 2009]], he commented on a [[YouTube]] clip from the episode "[[Wikipedia:Road to the Multiverse|Road to the Multiverse]]" depicting a hot alternate-universe Meg, lamenting that if only MacFarlane let Meg turn eighteen that CWC would "be all over her sweet pussy and breasts."<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDy-LEpQapQ</ref>

It is unknown what his opinion of Meg is following all the "nasty-ass" sex she had with the [[niggo]] Jerome in the episode "[[Wikipedia:Jerome Is the New Black|Jerome Is the New Black]]".

In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris went and inserted Meg into the comic, [[Chris and his ego|having her compliment Chris on the comic]]. In turn, Chris defends Meg's "honor" by beating up a guy who insults the two of them. He then kisses Meg, cheating on his future wife [[Lovely Weather]]. Ironically, if Meg likes Chris, this means the rest of the Griffin family hates him. However, he revealed this to be [[Silvana]] in disguise, though to what purpose remains to be seen.

==Chris's message to Seth MacFarlane==
On 5 [[June 2009]], [[The Miscreants]] special ops agent [[Bryan Bash]] hacked into Chris's YouTube account and found a message Chris sent to ''Family Guy'' creator Seth MacFarlane via his YouTube account.

{{quotebox|Hello Seth,

I am a long-time Family Guy Fan. I have purchased the Blu-Ray of [[Wikipedia:Seth MacFarlane's Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy|your Calvacade]]; I enjoyed all but the homosexual and dick jokes (I detest the [[homos]] very strongly). For your next bunch of 50 or so videos, please do more breast and vagina jokes.

Also, in Family Guy, PLEASE give [[Meg Griffin|Megan]] more respect, because she IS VERY BEATIFUL in my perspective, and she truly deserves MORE Positive attention and less abuse. Give her an irreversable Love Potion or something yo give her the attention that she deserves for MULTIPLE SEASONS and MULTIPLE CONSISTANT episodes.

We LOVE Megan Marie Griffin.

Peace,

Christian Weston Chandler, creator of Sonichu and Rosechu at http://www.cwcville.com}}

==''The Cleveland Show''==
27 [[September 2009]] saw the debut of [[wikipedia:The Cleveland Show|''The Cleveland Show'']], a ''Family Guy'' spin-off that answered the question, "What would happen if we took a fairly bland supporting character on ''Family Guy'' and gave him his own show?" Naturally, it sounded like a solid gold idea to Chris, as he plugged the show heavily on one of his [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|Captain's Logs]]. The eager endorsement of the show by an [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|odorous]], [[muscle bra|bra]]-wearing [[The Creepy Stare|creepy-ass]] manchild is certainly much appreciated by the Fox network.

It would seem Chris may have been too hasty in his initial endorsement of the show. In a [[CWCipedia]] update on 11 [[December 2009]], after making several idiotic points about ''Family Guy'', his analysis of ''The Cleveland Show'' consisted simply of, "I do not care for all the dick jokes." This didn't stop him from buying the show's first season through the [[PlayStation Network]], though.

In another eerie coincidence, a recent episode revolved around a sex doll named [[Kimmi]].

On 22 [[March 2010]], Chris broke [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|his vow never to use the internet again]] after thirty-six hours to [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|complain]] about changes in the show's voice acting. He would continue his whining in [[Some Favored Comedians|a video about his favorite comedians]] [[May 2010|two months later]].

In an [[100_2279|October 2010]] video, Chris held up a DVD box set of the first season of The Cleveland Show and performed a terrible rendition of the show's themesong. According to Amazon.com this would cost just shy of $40. These DVDs may serve as a replacement for Chris's digital downloads of the show, which got wiped during his hard drive crash.

==The Chrisode==
[[Image:126052012913.jpg|thumb|Leaked concept sketches made by [[Trolls|Seth MacFarlane]] himself.]]
On [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 9th, 2009|9 December 2009]] Chris said that he'd heard rumors that Seth MacFarlane was planning on including him in a future ''Family Guy'' episode. This obviously fake news inflated [[Chris and his Ego|Chris's ego]] to [[Giant Penis Comic|gigantic proportions]], to the point where he felt the need to pitch an idea for the plot. Below is the plot he posted on the CWCipedia.

{{quotebox|I, Christian Weston Chandler, have described the story in a nutshell in my [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 9th, 2009|recent video]]. But to reiterate (the final story will be typed up then copied/pasted onto this page), The show opens on Megan going onto the [[Cwcipedia]] on her computer in her room, reading the latest page uploaded and enjoying it. Later, she sends a message for the [[Mailbag]], asking if I could come to Quahog for their upcoming Comic Book Convention to show off my work. I respond, "[[Rape|I just may, Meg]]. ;)" Then I later drive up to Quahog in [[Son-Chu|my car]] (debatable on the destination being the Comic Con or the Griffin House), either way, the Griffins greet and welcome me. Then I break out [[Homo#Evidence that Chris is a homo|my two [[Sonichu Balls|S-Chu Balls]]]], toss them and release [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]; more greetings. Megan thanks me very much for my compliments I gave a lot of, and we hang out throughout the episode ([[pedofork|I hope she has turned Eighteen]] by the time I get there, so this can be a really good story). For the [[Wikipedia:Subplot|"B" Story]], Brian gets a bit [[autism|antsy]] around the [[Sonichu_0#Episode_2:_.22Genesis_of_the_Lovehogs.22|Lovehogs]]' cuddlings, and he just could not help but ask them about how they maintain their relationship. And Sonichu and Rosechu tell Brian and help him find himself a new good girlfriend. **Suggestion to Seth, Let's Add a Smart, [[Patti-Chan|Sweet Girl Dog]] for Brian (Yes, SHE TALKS), as for breed, [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|I think any sexy breed]] (not a poodle; nothing against poodles, but I feel that a poodle might not work well for Brian).}}

At no point does Chris suggest anything that could possibly lead into a joke. Even if you don't like the show, you've got to admit that it's funnier than what he suggests.

==Chris's criticisms==
Although Chris loves ''Family Guy'', he has several ideas that he's certain would make the show much, much better. Most of his suggestions revolve around his infantile fears of [[homos|homosexuality]] and his sad ability to fall desperately in love with [[Julie|fictional women]]. Also: subtle hints of [[Chris and sex#Bestiality|bestiality]].

{{quotebox|Family Guy
-Megan does not deserve the abuse she gets. She is a Beautiful Girl, she is Very Smart, and she is the Oldest of the three children. So, Why.T.F. does Seth let most everyone treat her terribly? What is it about her that everyone is seeing to instinctively wail on her by default? WHAT and WHY?!

-Stewie should have let that tower fall on him; at least in the future scenario there, he Ended Up Straight.

-Chris finally got the best girlfriend he could ask for at the end of Season 6, Anna, so what happened to her between then and when Connie dated him in Season 7?

-While I can see Brain looking for the womanly qualities that he finds in the women he's dated, why does he not date female talking dogs who are That Pretty, Smart and all that?

-In "Road to Multiverse", in the "Robot Chicken" Universe, Stewie asks Seth Greene through Chris, "How does it feel to be on a Major Network for 30 Seconds?" Upon watching the video file on my PS3, the time in that universe was Only 20 Seconds Total, and there were NO additional portions of that scene in the version later shown on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. Seth McFarline owes Seth Greene 10 Seconds and then some.

American Dad
-There should be More Stories starring Haley.

The Cleveland Show
-I do not care for all the dick jokes. }}

==See also==
{{CWCipedia}}

*[[Sammy]] - Chris's bastard love child creation of him combined with Peter Griffin.
*''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]''
*''[[Monty Python's Flying Circus]]''
*''[[South Park]]''

==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Family Guy|''Family Guy'']] at [[Wikipedia]]

[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]

Anti Troll Movement Video1

2010-09-27T20:21:22Z

Hamsterjelly:

[[File:datface1.png|thumb|200px|[[Audiobooks|LOOK AT THAT FACE GOD DAMN]].]]

'''Anti Troll Movement Video1''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 26 [[September 2010]]. He sings the same song about [[trolls]] featured in his [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote]] animation [[Don'tGetTrolled!|Don'tGetTrolled]], apparently in hopes of promoting an "Anti-Troll Cyber Bully Movement". Surprisingly, Chris was able to recite the lyrics with a good deal of accuracy, even though he [[Autism|completely missed the original point of the song]].

In the latter half of the video (which, completely contrary to the alleged topic of the video, has nothing to do with anti-trolling), he lists the "sponsors" of his video, including ''[[ModNation Racers]]'', and feminine skin care products. Considering he is wearing the same t-shirt he [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|wore the day before]], his promotion of [[Chris and health#Hygiene|personal hygiene]] products is rather ironic. Chris specifying and praising anti-dandruff formula haircare makes it a safe assumption that he has dandruff (which is no surprise).

Just like in other videos, his [[Chris and English|mastery of the English language]] is apparent, as when he tries to say "I don't use products ''tested'' on animals" comes out as "I don't use animals". He has trouble keeping his thoughts [[Homo|straight]] even in the same sentence. Then he goes off on a tangent about his bathing habits (or lack thereof) and [[Recycling|semen utilisation]].

In essence: Chris once again [[Family_guy#Influence_on_Chris| doesn't get the point of the original message]] of [[Parody|what he steals]], nor does he apply [[Cwcipedia#CWCipedia_closed_due_to_A.28I.29DS|previously learned lessons]] and [[Wallflower_E-mails_3|repeats the mistakes of the past]].
{{clear}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Anti Troll Movement Video1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|EgZijKM17Kw}}
| stardate = 26 [[September 2010]]
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Smug|text}}
| shirt = {{BrickFestShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV]]
| next = Current
| saga =
}}
{{quote|Oil of Olay brand bar soap... Softer, smoother skin in a week or so! And, not only that, it gets you clean, and it makes you smell good|Chris on the benefits of washing}}

===Transcript===
[''Chris turns on the camera and speaks in an odd sing-song rhythm.'']

And now, a very, encouraging, song.

[''He begins singing "[[Don'tGetTrolled!|You've Been trolled]]"'']

Youuuu've beeeen trolled 
You've been trolled 
You have PROB-ly been told 
Don't reply...
[[File:Christler.jpg|thumb|right|Haben Sie einen schönen Tag, mein Führer.]]
[''He turns away and reaches for a crudely-drawn picture of a troll, which he holds up through the song and after.'']

...to this guy 
He is just getting a rise 
Out of you 
Yes, it's true 
You respond and that's his cue 
You start trouble on the double 
While he strokes his manly stubble

You've been trolled 
You've been trolled 
You should probably just fold 
When the only winning move is not to plaaaay

Then you keep on trying 
Endlessly replying 
You've been trolled 
You've been trolled 
Havnicedaaay!

[''Song ends.'']

This video, portraying and projecting the Anti-Troll Cyber Bully Movement...

[''He puts down the troll picture.'']

...has been brought to you by ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' and...

[''He holds up a box of soap.'']

...Oil of Olay brand bar soap, and other things. Softer, smoother skin in a week or so! And, not only that, it gets you clean, and it makes you smell good...

[''Chris [[Homo|drops the soap.]]'']

I just used it to wash my hands! And I use it in the shower! To [[Mass debating|wash myself vigorously!]] I certainly do not use any animals, my own [[Semen|jizz]], or anything else other than Oil of Olay brand bars of soap. And [[Axe]] body wash. And shampoo, and conditioner. Available in anti-dandruff form! But anyway, Oil of Olay. Softer, smoother skin in a week, and makes you very clean. Have a nice day!

[''Chris throws up a [[CWCville|Nazi]] salute and turns off the camera.'']

{{clear}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV]]|nextlink=Current}}
{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Anti Troll Movement Video1

2010-09-27T20:20:38Z

Hamsterjelly:

[[File:datface1.png|thumb|200px|[[Audiobooks|LOOK AT THAT FACE GOD DAMN]].]]

'''Anti Troll Movement Video1''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 26 [[September 2010]]. He sings the same song about [[trolls]] featured in his [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote]] animation [[Don'tGetTrolled!|Don'tGetTrolled]], apparently in hopes of promoting an "Anti-Troll Cyber Bully Movement". Surprisingly, Chris was able to recite the lyrics with a good deal of accuracy, even though he [[Autism|completely missed the original point of the song]].

In the latter half of the video (which, completely contrary to the alleged topic of the video, has nothing to do with anti-trolling), he lists the "sponsors" of his video, including ''[[ModNation Racers]]'', and feminine skin care products. Considering he is wearing the same t-shirt he [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|wore the day before]], his promotion of [[Chris and health#Hygiene|personal hygiene]] products is rather ironic. Chris specifying and praising anti-dandruff formula haircare makes it a safe assumption that he has dandruff (which is no surprise).

Just like in other videos, his [[Chris and speech|mastery of the English language]] is apparent, as when he tries to say "I don't use products ''tested'' on animals" comes out as "I don't use animals". He has trouble keeping his thoughts [[Homo|straight]] even in the same sentence. Then he goes off on a tangent about his bathing habits (or lack thereof) and [[Recycling|semen utilisation]].

In essence: Chris once again [[Family_guy#Influence_on_Chris| doesn't get the point of the original message]] of [[Parody|what he steals]], nor does he apply [[Cwcipedia#CWCipedia_closed_due_to_A.28I.29DS|previously learned lessons]] and [[Wallflower_E-mails_3|repeats the mistakes of the past]].
{{clear}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Anti Troll Movement Video1
| video = {{#ev:youtube|EgZijKM17Kw}}
| stardate = 26 [[September 2010]]
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Smug|text}}
| shirt = {{BrickFestShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV]]
| next = Current
| saga =
}}
{{quote|Oil of Olay brand bar soap... Softer, smoother skin in a week or so! And, not only that, it gets you clean, and it makes you smell good|Chris on the benefits of washing}}

===Transcript===
[''Chris turns on the camera and speaks in an odd sing-song rhythm.'']

And now, a very, encouraging, song.

[''He begins singing "[[Don'tGetTrolled!|You've Been trolled]]"'']

Youuuu've beeeen trolled 
You've been trolled 
You have PROB-ly been told 
Don't reply...
[[File:Christler.jpg|thumb|right|Haben Sie einen schönen Tag, mein Führer.]]
[''He turns away and reaches for a crudely-drawn picture of a troll, which he holds up through the song and after.'']

...to this guy 
He is just getting a rise 
Out of you 
Yes, it's true 
You respond and that's his cue 
You start trouble on the double 
While he strokes his manly stubble

You've been trolled 
You've been trolled 
You should probably just fold 
When the only winning move is not to plaaaay

Then you keep on trying 
Endlessly replying 
You've been trolled 
You've been trolled 
Havnicedaaay!

[''Song ends.'']

This video, portraying and projecting the Anti-Troll Cyber Bully Movement...

[''He puts down the troll picture.'']

...has been brought to you by ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' and...

[''He holds up a box of soap.'']

...Oil of Olay brand bar soap, and other things. Softer, smoother skin in a week or so! And, not only that, it gets you clean, and it makes you smell good...

[''Chris [[Homo|drops the soap.]]'']

I just used it to wash my hands! And I use it in the shower! To [[Mass debating|wash myself vigorously!]] I certainly do not use any animals, my own [[Semen|jizz]], or anything else other than Oil of Olay brand bars of soap. And [[Axe]] body wash. And shampoo, and conditioner. Available in anti-dandruff form! But anyway, Oil of Olay. Softer, smoother skin in a week, and makes you very clean. Have a nice day!

[''Chris throws up a [[CWCville|Nazi]] salute and turns off the camera.'']

{{clear}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV]]|nextlink=Current}}
{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Wallflower E-mails 3

2010-09-26T08:28:32Z

Hamsterjelly:

The third collection of '''[[Wallflower]] e-mails''' covers the final stage of the relationship between [[the Wallflower]] and [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. These e-mails chronicle events taking place from 10 [[March 2010]] to 20 March 2010.

Unlike the more jovial tone of [[Wallflower E-mails 2|the last set of e-mails]], the letters here go into a downward spiral. In an almost perfect re-creation of the end of the [[Megan Saga]], the Wallflower is shocked and appalled at the original [[CWCki]] page put up about her and quickly blames Chris, ending their friendship. Chris, wounded and butt-hurt, quickly blames [[trolls]], his [[fans]], and even ''[[Sonichu]]'' for what happened and tries to repair his relationship. However, the Wallflower won't hear any of it — she completely reasserts her a[[sex]]uality (inspiring Chris's "Got-Dang Asexual Woman" line from the later [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|CWCipedia page]] he wrote about her) and tries to tell Chris that, yes, she ''was'' seeing [[Surfshack Tito]].

At the end, the Wallflower gets off one final shot at Chris.

;March 10

{{quoteboxred|Chris, 
You need to find someway to delete all of that information about me on your site. And I'm hurt that you didn't ask permission either. I didn't appreciate that. There's only one place that has my real info and that's [[facebook]]. And for the last time I am not your [[sweetheart]]! I never agreed to be your girlfriend or anyone elses. 
Facebook is the only place that knows my real name. and all the other websites I go by <CENSORED>. If someone comes after me, it'll be your fault. 
Delete all of that right now. And just for this, we're no longer friends. I'm sorry, but you did this, and it was wrong. 
Email me once you've deleted that info, and I'm going to check it. I'm also going to have to change my email thanks to you.}}

;March 10

{{quotebox|Listen, the "CWCIPEDIA" is my ONE website; not the "CWCki", that belongs to someone else; I will get in touch with the webmaster who created it and try to get it off of there.

I Only referenced you by your Pen Name Once on the Foretaste level I uploaded; NO OTHER TIME, and I have Never referred us as Sweethearts or anything beyond [[Just Friends]]. [[Lie|I swear this with hand on my Bible]].

I understand I screwed up royally. I also did my best to prevent this by not even stating an inkling of your real name. Why did I have to become such a god damned internet celebrity? I shared my Sonichu stories and art, and for a few years now, I have been Bullied, Tortured, Hacked, and such cruel emotional torment from like thousands to millions of cruel people who took my words and photos and warped them around to their own damned mockery. Even crap they took from me from deceptive methods; pretending to be old friends and "trusting" people [[online]]. I had learned long ago to be very careful about most people online and such.

Because of these trolls, I have lost a few friends. They made a page of my old gal pal, [[Megan Schroeder]], on their [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] "Chris_chan" page, I also made the worst mistake of an adult drawing between me and her which was the apex there. She and her family moved to another state, and I lost touch with her long ago. Such a damned mistake I swore never to repeat ever again.

Not only friends, but because of their influence towards the [[manager]], plus an impulse of anger because he would not let me hook up my [[Wii]] to his HD [[TV]], I was [[banned]] from the [[Game & Hobby Place]] June, [[2008]], and with that I was forced away from the [[Pok'emon]] [[TCG]] League which I enjoyed going to every Friday.

And as that webmaster states in some exaggeration (some on that damned ED page as well), they tell of the other women I've met online who I lost because of those trolls and my mistakes, as well as the "women" who were trolls themselves. [[Sarah Jackson]], [[Sarah Cassandra McKenzie]] and [[Ivy O'Niel]]; they were [[honest]] women, but they all died between a [[car]] accident, the Janurary, [[2009]] Australia Brushfires, and suicide. And [[Kacey]] fell for and married [[Liquid|a "Christian Weston Chandler" of Philladelphia]] who PRETENDED TO BE ME in identity theft on YouTube with a Paper [[Medallion]] and a Brown Striped [[Shirt]].

Damn it, they even listed three of my High School [[gal pals]], based from the [[slideshow]] from a copy of the "CWC On TV" [[DVD]] a troll who pretended to be my Primary/Elementary School crush in her adult years.

I should have never put Sonichu on the internet...How was I to know that it would bring me grief less than a decade later.

I have been in a number of moments of finding peace and losing it later, because these damn trolls won't leave me be. They're mostly immature dumbasses who have no lives of their own. They don't want me to have a life of my own; they don't want me to find long-term peace and happiness for myself. They don't want me to find and hold True Love for myself. Because they are so self-absorbed in themselves that they only want me to give them more stories and art more often; they are nothing but greedy, impatient, unloved and corrupted fools.

Heartbreaks and Heartaches... it really hurts...

<CENSORED>, Please, Please, Please do not leave me as my companion. You are the sunlight that lifted me up more than I've been lifted from in the past. I would feel like hardly a shell of my better self; I would be left in a deep in the darkness state of loneliness and despair. Even worse...I'd probably hire a prostitute out of desperation...that is a fate I do not want to ever feel.

Please don't leave me, <CENSORED>. As a friend, and from my heart, I Love You.

Christian.}}

;March 10

{{quoteboxred|Look, I never agreed we were together in a relationship in the first place. I told you I wasn't into having boyfriends. My writing is more important to me right now. I am no one's sweetheart. 
And besides, how the hell did they find out all of my usernames that actually linked back to me? I don't remember putting my whole name in those websites. And another thing, ask me if you can put my Penname onto your website. I don't want anyone stealing it. You know how I feel about my gilrl, <CENSORED>. 
I don't love you and I hate you for this. Everything was fine until I met you. I don't know why I took up mom's offer to go the social club. I had enough friends here at home and on the [[internet]].}}

;March 13

{{quotebox|I pray you are feeling better from the recent chaos; I still have lingering heartaches from the "I hate you" and such from that message.

I know it's not much, but apparently your e-mail account remained safe. I am looking into it further, but I do know it was this Tito
dude/troll who found you out, and likely was the one who started that page on the CWCki (it's [[wikipedia]] style; anyone can create a page on that damn website). Tito was the one who sent me the e-mail that early morning. I found it after hand-writing and enveloping the letter you may have received Saturday, or will receive in a day or two; that letter was before that matter. And Tito was also the same dude who left you a review leading you to that CWCki page on your <CENSORED> page; he has admitted it in an e-mail he sent me recently. I will be forwarding the two mentioned messages to you shortly.

If you ever come into contact with Tito, or meet him in real life, Do Not Trust Him. I still care for you and your safety and [[health]]. Please let me know over the phone or e-mail when you've recovered and we can move forward from this. I do not want to lose our friendship between you and me. (and "Hate" is such a strong word)

Stay Safe. Love and Peace, 
Christian.}}

;March 13

{{quoteboxred|Okay, now I'm getting pissed off. First off, stop sending this, I don't want to be reminded of it, second, I told you I'm not your friend anymore, and thirdly, I have a boyfriend now, so back off and leave me alone.}}

;March 14

{| class="{{{2}}}" style="border:1px dotted #4682B4; padding:5px; background-color:#66CD00; margin-bottom:8px" |
| From: Tito Surfshack <surfshacktito@yahoo.com> 
To: chrischansonichu@aol.com 
Sent: Sun, Mar 14, 2010 2:14 am 
Subject: I'VE THOUGHT I EXPLAINED IT LITTLE CUZ (YES)

Ok, man, I'll man up. Yeah, I made it, so what? I was jealous of your beautiful Stephen King lady. But now she hates you and I'm getting with her. Aww yeah. What're you going to do about it little cuz?

And it's not just <CENSORED>. I mean, you drove <CENSORED> away by giving me her name, she's a lost cause, brudda. But what about the other girls? Any girl you'll ever try for thinks you're a loser. You're just some guy who lives with his parents. You used to be the famous creator of sonichu who did all those cool [[videos]] and [[comics]], but now you're just some lazy fatass.

Your fans have left you. It's almost too late to get them back. <CENSORED>'s mine. But this is bigger than <CENSORED>, this is every girl you'll ever see.

Think you can turn your public image around? HA, I'd like to see you try.

AS THE ANCIENT HAWAIIANS USED TO SAY:

"When your itching for the waves, The only lotion, is the ocean."
|}

;March 14

{{quotebox|Don't you GET IT, TITO, the guy you're seeing now, CREATED THAT PAGE on the CWCki, AND he had the balls to let you know in a "Review".

I have been heartaching over this the past days, and I've had sleepless nights over it. For the love of [[God and Jesus]], don't leave me, Please!

Also, I was going to surprise you on St. Patrick's Day, but I feel it appropriate for the sake of protecting you, that I put on my Kilt in your honor against this Hawaiian Troll.

<nowiki>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taiBe4ct_So</nowiki>}}

;March 14

{{quoteboxred|How the fuck would you know? I haven't said any names. Anyway, its none of your business, and he's not Hawaiian either. Do me a huge favor, and stay away from me. And stop calling my phone. I don't care. Leave me the fuck alone!!!!!!}}

;March 15

{{quoteboxred|You son of a bitch! Leave me and Tito alone! I don't want you to ever to call my cell or house phone again! I want you out of my fucking life and leave me the hell alone! Or I'm going to have to unfortunately drag my parents into this, and you don't want that.

LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU AGAIN, EVER! AND TAKE MY EMAIL OFF YOUR GODDAMN WEBSITE!!!}}

;March 16

{{quotebox|I fully understand that I probably should not be talking to you now, but you have to understand; you mean a LOT to me. My heart has been hurting since Last Wednesday, and my smiles are rare now. I constantly think of you, and I am very concerned with you going out with this Tito. I HAVE told you that HE IS A TROLL. I forwarded you his confession message. He ONLY WANTS YOU out of JEALOUSY OF ME AND MY LIFE. He does NOT care for you at all; he considers you a "Trophy Girlfriend", and he will never see you as anything other than that. I have been seeing you as a human woman with a charming, sweet personality, untainted by any muscle-headed individuals who only care about themselves. Please, at least, look at him, and ask yourself, "Does Tito REALLY, TRULY care about me as a person, or am I just an Object to him?"

Also, I will be sending you an invitation soon for the party.

Also, please extend my friendly regards to your mom, dad and Maggie and Rachel.

Does Tito really care about you?

Stay Safe, Sweetie. 
Christian.}}

;March 16

{{quoteboxred|As if I care what you think. I'm only telling you that I have a boyfriend to get you off my back. By the way. you owe mom an apology for waking her up at 7:30 in the morning!!! Thinking it was me and not her. That was very rude of you. Don't call my house again. It also upsetted my dad. And, I know how desperate you are (which makes me sick) to get into contact with me. But I ask you not to call my work and ask for me. I've already asked one of the ladies up front not to accept any calls from you asking for me. I'm not getting my job jepordize because of you. 
And, you can't tell me who to date either. That's my choice and mine alone. You have no business in my personal life. And you don't mean anything to me. Stay away from me. This better be the last email. 
I don't know how clear I have to get through to your head, to once again, leave me alone, PLEASE!!!}}

;March 16

{{quotebox|I have never called your house. I have never called you at your job. The only phone number I called you at was your cell phone, and the last time I called your cell was about last Sunday. I swear on my Bible I have never personally called your house or your job. Someone else is calling y'all, pretending to be me.}}

;March 16

{{quoteboxred|Fine (not like I belive you), but just please leave me alone from now on. I don't want to talk to you again. Do you hear me? }}

;March 20

{{quotebox|Due to an unexpected trip, the party is being postponed to the following Saturday from stated on the invitation.

Stay Safe, 
Christian.}}

;March 20

{{quoteboxred|LMAO, Sorry, I won't be able to make it. Besides, I wouldn't go, if you were going to be there. And I'm not going to the thing next week. Because I don't want to do deal with you. BTW. that letter, don't do that again, ever. I wasn't even impressed with your little gift. I threw it away. Not only that, I was pissed when you said that we had been going out for a month and a half. First of all, I never agreed anything of the sort, second, I would never date you. You're not my type. 
Also, if you want me to 'stay safe', then you would leave me alone, from phone, email, and mail. I don't want to hear from you ever again, do you hear me? 
And, who cares if you're a fucking acoustic [[virgin]]? I'd rather have my best friend's boyfriend take me first (because I trust him). then you. Besides, I'm asexual, so there's no hope for you, at least from me. Not only that, not even a cheap whore would want your small [[dick]] inside her, neither would I.}}

[[Category:E-mails]]

Andrew Simmons chat

2010-09-22T20:28:53Z

Hamsterjelly: info about truth.com

On 19 [[September 2010]], [[Clyde Cash]] leaked an ancient instant messenger conversation between [[Chris]] and an [[IRC]] regular Falsion, going by the alias "Andrew Simmons".

The conversation lasts for over two hours on the night of 15 [[October 2008]] and takes place in the midst of the [[Blanca]] saga. Andrew presents himself as wanting to troll [[Robert Simmons V]], before the conversation runs off the rails.

==Tl;dr==

'''Andrew Simmons''' : I'm [[Robert Simmons V]]'s cousin and I want to help him by making him less of a pussy by stating that he shouldn't do things that you're doing Chris.
 '''Christian Chandler''' : [Totally oblivious to Andrew's satire] YOU CAN DO IT! Mind if I try to act like a guidance counselor?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' : Go ahead, I'll humble you on why I'm so awesome.
 '''Christian Chandler''' : Thanks

==Transcript==

'''Andrew Simmons''' (10/15/2008 10:02:39 PM): hi
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:02:45 PM): Hey
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:02:49 PM): How are you doing?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:02:56 PM): Where's Bob?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:02:58 PM): I'm okay.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:03:03 PM): I have not heard from him.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:03:11 PM): Oh
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:03:23 PM): I really miss him, tell him to come home
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:03:27 PM): I won't beat him up
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:03:30 PM): not too badly anyway
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:03:38 PM): okay, I'll pass that on.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:03:43 PM): yay
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:03:58 PM): anything else on your mind at the moment?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:04:08 PM): yeah bob is a faggot imho
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:04:23 PM): OTHER than Bob?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:04:47 PM): hmm
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:05:02 PM): not really
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:05:06 PM): i can't think of anything
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:05:14 PM): I see.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:05:28 PM): you know that girl blanca, when you meet her are you gonna do it?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:05:42 PM): not right away.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:05:45 PM): let me tell you, the first time is always kinda akward, no where near like what you imagined in that one leaked mp3
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:05:59 PM): just hope you can get it up at least hahahahah
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:06:15 PM): lol
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:06:50 PM): ugh, that damn thing is burned onto my brain. you're one sick fuck, but bob is the one I'm after not you. although I don't really like you much either
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:06:58 PM): but seriously man what the fuck
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:07:38 PM): anyway forget it i dont wanna know
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:07:38 PM): I would have thought you'd understand, since you get your cock sucked on EVERY NIGHT by women.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:07:48 PM): yeah that's true
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:08:17 PM): so, why are you offended by my fantasy between me, the man, and Blanca, the woman, ALONE in a Hotel Room.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:08:18 PM): ?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:08:40 PM): cuz I'm a guy. and you are referring to the listener as the one you're doing
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:08:46 PM): i'm not the only one disgusted at that shit
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:09:03 PM): The original Listener WAS the Woman.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:09:28 PM): whatever i don't want to argue semantics
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:09:40 PM): okay, bro.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:10:13 PM): you should smoke weed, maybe ease some of that stress you say you have
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:10:18 PM): weed is good shit man
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:10:23 PM): I do not use drugs.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:10:28 PM): weed isn't a drug
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:10:31 PM): it's natural
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:10:31 PM): yes it is.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:10:35 PM): a drug.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:10:43 PM): the government is just being jerkops restricting that shit
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:10:48 PM): herb never killed anyone
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:11:04 PM): it's killed a LOT MORE people than you think.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:11:08 PM): Live WITH THE TRUTH
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:11:12 PM): oh really?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:11:12 PM): who?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:11:32 PM): go to truth.com, and you'll find out. "Live Above the Influence." [''[[Wikipedia:TheTruth.com|truth.com]] is an American anti-smoking campaign that focuses mostly on discouraging teen tobacco use. [[Wikipedia:Above The Influence|Above The Influence]] is an American anti-drug campaign completely separate from truth.com. The channels and timeslots Chris watches often show PSAs from both''.]
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:11:42 PM): that's a thinktank. i want facts
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:11:52 PM): those ARE facts.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:12:06 PM): and Medical Records and Research will tell you the SAME THING.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:12:19 PM): negative. it's a thinktank, an organization built to further a polticial agenda
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:12:28 PM): even by supressing the facts in the process
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:12:43 PM): well, I am still in agreement with the "thinktank"
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:13:03 PM): but your opinion is yours alone.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:13:04 PM): then you're nothing but a tool. if you let misinformation form your beleifs then what are you?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:13:19 PM): i'd rather have my own opinions than be controlled by the masses
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:13:19 PM): I have read the same thing from text books as well.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:13:59 PM): are you happy being a puppet of someone else's political agenda?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:14:13 PM): talk to me when you have your own beleifs not someone elses
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:15:09 PM): I see.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:15:17 PM): You know why they don't have dating education classes in schools? You don't understand what sex education is. Sex education was a program enacted by the government to prevent people from having sex, I'm talking about teens.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:15:26 PM): What would a dating education program be? Stop people from dating?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:15:30 PM): There'd be no point
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:15:55 PM): at least none that fits with anything that politics would involve itself in
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:16:17 PM): let me ask you, if I was to come to your neighborhood, and ask around, would your neighbors tell me the same about you that you have informed me of, that you are "da man of da hood?"
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:16:35 PM): you'd have to be able to talk to girls and ask them
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:16:45 PM): and that your kitchen every night would be classified as "La Cocina en la Casa de Casanova?"
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:16:48 PM): you can't though so it's pointless
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:17:02 PM): yeah it is
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:17:19 PM): I can talk to women if I am on Neutral terms, and only wish to be informed.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:17:33 PM): I mean strangers, Chris
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:17:39 PM): Strangers too.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:17:47 PM): even an extrovert like me would feel akward asking about some guys sex life
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:17:57 PM): i couldn't imagine an introvert like you doing so
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:19:30 PM): I see. Well, Andrew, I am feeling like I am being labled by an individual who only looks at people from a high point of view, yet the person is not as high up as perceived. do you feel like that person?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:19:45 PM): No
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:20:19 PM): how would describe yourself that you feel best describes you?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:20:26 PM): as an individual.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:20:30 PM): Chris, one thing I've always been dying to tell you. When girls say they have a boyfriend, they are lying.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:20:45 PM): They do that to people who they don't want to date, because saying no is too hard to do.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:21:28 PM): You've gotta improve your appearence, lose that fat stomach and chest of yours, stop bringing up things that people see as children's hobbies, leave the medallion at home.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:21:37 PM): Then girls will say that they don't have boyfriends
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:22:12 PM): I see. have you been rejected by women in the same manner, being Lied to by that possible fact?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:22:17 PM): Even if they do have one, your apperance can make them change their mind
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:22:27 PM): Yes
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:22:37 PM): I wasn't always as cool as I am now
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:22:41 PM): I used to be a nerd too
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:22:51 PM): I only bully Bob because I want him to toughen up
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:22:53 PM): become a man
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:23:28 PM): I see, and how do you feel best describes how a man should be, from your humble opinion?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:24:07 PM): Someone who isn't afraid of going out there and doing whatever he feels like doing, not being restrained by feeling self concious about yourself or wondering if other people will agree with you, etc.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:24:32 PM): You gotta have balls. If you act like a little pussy, you won't get any pussy
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:25:03 PM): and what if women were offended by such loose restraints?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:25:08 PM): They're not
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:25:23 PM): Trust me, I used to think that too. They aren't/
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:25:34 PM): In fact, women are worse
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:25:49 PM): There is no such thing as a virgin girl after the age of 12 anymore, man. Everyone is doing it
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:26:03 PM): people having sex left and right these days. it's a new world out there
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:27:02 PM): you can't be stuck up on petty outdated morality in this new century we live in.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:27:46 PM): I see. how old were you when you did it with a woman for the first time ever, and how did you feel before that date?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:28:23 PM): 17. but i've heard people who've done it earlier than that. i mean, i feel bad for you being 26.. you're gonna get all the leftovers
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:28:31 PM): how I felt...
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:28:33 PM): i don't know
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:28:37 PM): i never really gave it much thought
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:28:46 PM): it just sort of happened
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:29:28 PM): okay, that's good; let's get in touch with that feeling. did you feel left out as well? socially flushed? normal? or somewhat good?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:30:29 PM): yeah, I used to feel left out. i was kinda overweight. I used to like anime and other really lame shit. But I stopped watching those kids cartoons, I started working out and before I knew it, I was able to get a girl's attention
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:30:41 PM): and from there I just became who I am
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:31:36 PM): that's good. at what age, approximately, did you start to feel more grown up and started working out and all that?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:31:53 PM): I used to like the same Sonic cartoon you did, Pokemon too. But my mind matured and I started liking things that you'd probably find boring
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:31:54 PM): hmm
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:32:05 PM): i dunno it was sort of a gradual thing
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:32:22 PM): it didnt really start at one age, but after the age of 18 i had grown out of all the stuff I liked before
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:32:25 PM): i mean
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:32:34 PM): anything that wouldn't be appropriate for my age of coarse
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:32:51 PM): but that really happened by the time I was around 15 or 16
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:33:04 PM): good.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:34:09 PM): tell me, did you anything in addition to working out, such as weight-loss medication, yoga, or whatever else was avilable for you to take or do at the time?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:34:26 PM): There is no pill to take that will make you fit. That's all BS
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:34:36 PM): yes.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:34:36 PM): Getting fit takes a lot of hard work and dedication
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:34:44 PM): There is no "magic cure"
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:34:48 PM): I agree.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:35:09 PM): You have to change the way you eat, the way you think, and overall become something better than what you once were.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:35:16 PM): It's not easy, but it's worth it
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:35:46 PM): that's good. what of your eating habits did you change; how much less did you eat?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:36:48 PM): Well, you know stop eating things like pizza, fast food, processed food. I mean, you can look this kinda thing up in any health website really
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:37:01 PM): okay.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:37:02 PM): I'd suggest talking to someone who can help you with this better than I can
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:37:08 PM): like a personal trainer or something
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:37:21 PM): did you have a personal trainer or someone to talk to then?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:37:49 PM): no, I kind of had to do things trail and error. but I wouldn't recommend that
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:37:54 PM): *trial
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:37:58 PM): I agree.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:38:29 PM): tell me about your parents, or how would you feel that you were raised?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:38:42 PM): i'd rather not, sorry
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:38:48 PM): that's okay.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:39:05 PM): do you feel uncomfortable talking about that?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:39:14 PM): yeah
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:39:21 PM): that's a bit too personal man
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:39:28 PM): I understand.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:39:46 PM): I mean I don't talk about your parents
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:39:56 PM): those ED guys aren't right doing so either
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:40:06 PM): what infuences in your life do you feel led up to who you are?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:40:08 PM): I agree.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:40:28 PM): i dunno
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:40:32 PM): what do you mean?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:40:50 PM): like your favorite toy, most favorite show, your childhood hero, etc.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:41:45 PM): Oh, I don't play with toys anymore. But I used to like all the stuff back then. I can't even name it all. The stuff from the 80's like Voltron, Transformers, etc. and even later on Pokemon. But I grew out of all that
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:41:53 PM): There's too much to name from back then
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:42:00 PM): I used to watch all that stuff though
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:42:18 PM): that's okay; if you can name only ONE, which would be your top choice?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:42:43 PM): Battle of the Planets, but honestly the Japanese version Gatchaman is better
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:43:11 PM): ah, so you were very interested in outer space adventures; lots of action.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:43:52 PM): i guess s
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:43:53 PM): *so
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:44:02 PM): what intrested you the most from Gatchaman?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:44:34 PM): I don't know. Anime back then was kind of a rare thing, but it always seemed to be unique and really stood out from the crowd. Like Speed Racer or Voltron even
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:44:42 PM): You'd never expect to see it here in the states
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:44:45 PM): I agree.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:45:16 PM): did you ever want to be a space person or warrior?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:45:22 PM): Now it's all over the place
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:45:26 PM): nah
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:45:57 PM): Piloting a giant mech or something would be bad ass though.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:46:10 PM): ah, like a Mobile Suit Gundam.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:46:14 PM): yeah
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:46:26 PM): i was more of a fan of "robotech" (macross) myself though
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:46:52 PM): so you were more interested in giant, pilotable robots?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:46:58 PM): that's neat.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:47:15 PM): yeah, war would be a lot more interesting if giant robots were involved
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:47:25 PM): everything would be a lot more interesting with giant fucking robots
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:47:42 PM): going to work in a mech would be kinda bad ass
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:48:21 PM): have you considered a possible carrer in mechanics, where you may work with cars, or possibly being able to design and build the giant robots?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:48:41 PM): no, that stuff is way out of my league
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:48:44 PM): i'm no good at math
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:49:02 PM): it is true that math is a small, but important factor.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:49:03 PM): you need to be a genius to get into robotics
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:49:14 PM): not many people are cut out for that
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:49:20 PM): so you do not feel that you are a geinus?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:49:27 PM): i'm just an average guy
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:49:47 PM): that's cool. did you know that even average men can become soo great.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:49:48 PM): ?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:50:08 PM): yeah, but even then they're just average people
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:50:19 PM): as long as you enjoy what you're doing what does it matter?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:50:27 PM): I agree.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:51:08 PM): and what do or did you enjoy doing the most of everything that you did?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:51:16 PM): yeah
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:51:40 PM): i enjoy every moment of my life. i don't worry about things like the past or future too much
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:51:56 PM): you only get one life, why waste it?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:52:09 PM): i mean worrying about frivolus things
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:52:14 PM): that's a good method; living for the moment.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:53:13 PM): listen chris, you gotta be a man and take control of life, or life will control you
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:53:21 PM): I agree.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:53:37 PM): being a 26 year old virgin is not the way to go
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:53:44 PM): I hear you.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:54:50 PM): so you feel like you have total control of your life; how is that working for you; I'm sure you must have had some temptations towards veering off?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:54:52 PM): I hope Bob will understand what I have done for him someday
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:55:05 PM): Even if the way I did it was not really the right way
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:55:24 PM): but nevertheless I've tried
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:55:29 PM): hmm
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:55:35 PM): Yeah, I guess so
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:55:43 PM): It's working fine for me
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:55:50 PM): good.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:55:58 PM): What temptations?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:56:34 PM): that depends on your point of view; like for example, the scent of a freshly baked chocolate cake while you were lifting weights.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:56:58 PM): Yeah, that was torture. But so is the thought of knowing you'd never get laid.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:57:08 PM): I thought more about the latter and overcame the former
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:57:28 PM): well-worthy of being praised.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:58:26 PM): I'm not crazy. Bob might think I'm a raging lunatic, but I've tried to help him for so long and nothing works. The guy is still a walking pussy deflector
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:58:37 PM): I can't help but feel kinda raged at him
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (10:58:43 PM): and wanting to tell him to be a man
 '''Christian Chandler''' (10:59:32 PM): I see, and Bob's appearance and methods offend you in some way to ensue your rage; what specifically about Bob triggers your anger emotions?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:00:03 PM): He's all feminine he's a fucking pussy, I mean look at the guy, no confidence at all. He's never gonna get anywhere being all quiet and to himself like that
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:00:19 PM): He watches Sailor Moon for gods sake
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:00:28 PM): thats a cartoon made for japanese females
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:01:26 PM): so, it is simply the fact that Bob prefers things that females like, such as Sailor Moon, over things that boys prefer, such as Mobile Suit Gundam.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:01:58 PM): I don't watch cartoons anymore
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:02:14 PM): I understand; I am only providing examples.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:03:16 PM): Hmm... a better example I guess would be MMA or boxing
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:03:22 PM): maybe football
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:03:34 PM): I mean, stuff that guys are into
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:03:59 PM): let me go off-topic for a bit, which type of woman do you feel that you would enjoy better: a woman who was raised on Feminine things like Sailor Moon and makeup and all that, or a woman who acts manly, and was raised on MMA or boxing?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:04:40 PM): I guess the former. A girl who watches manly stuff would be kinda akward. But really, there's more options than that.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:04:50 PM): I agree.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:05:24 PM): you know what MMA is right? UFC, the martial arts competitions
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:05:33 PM): so, you feel uncomfortable of those of a specific gender that more enjoys the opposite things.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:05:45 PM): I understand the fighting initials.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:06:23 PM): well it's more like this. Bob's my family, I gotta look out for him
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:06:29 PM): and right now he's not gonna get anywhere
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:06:35 PM): at least in terms of girls, etc.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:06:49 PM): so, you feel like an older brother to Bob, more than just a cousin?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:07:01 PM): A cousin is pretty much the same thing I'd assume
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:07:22 PM): well, I would not know; I'm not that close to my cousins.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:07:37 PM): Family is family to me. But if you're not close to your family, then I understand.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:07:47 PM): I guess I'm not really that close with Andrew either though
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:07:48 PM): Family is family to me as well.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:07:59 PM): At least, how he sees me
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:08:16 PM): I hear you.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:09:20 PM): do you feel like possibly your source of anger may derive from how much you may want to be more of an older brother to Robert, instead of possibly a distant cousin?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:09:34 PM): No, I said it's the same thing
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:09:53 PM): he's family to me, why would anything be different?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:10:31 PM): My anger is at how much he just fails at life
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:10:42 PM): despite attempts to help him out
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:10:51 PM): I'd say nothing would be different, but take a guess on how Bob may feel; what else do you do for him that you feel may portray you more as a brother?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:11:14 PM): I don't know man
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:11:32 PM): But it pains me to see him go to waste, become nothing but a little sissy
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:11:36 PM): who will never get laid
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:12:14 PM): He comes from a good family, the Simmons aren't losers
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:12:21 PM): He needs to live up to that.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:12:24 PM): I see. tell me, from your point of view, how do you feel a brother would help his little brother?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:12:40 PM): aside from teasings and violence?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:12:54 PM): I don't know, I guess it would be the same. I mean, that's what brothers do right? I already feel like his brother
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:13:02 PM): that's good.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:13:10 PM): I guess maybe I'm overstepping my role, I guess you're saying
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:13:20 PM): no, no; you are okay.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:13:23 PM): I don't feel that way though.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:13:24 PM): Yeah
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:13:25 PM): ok
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:14:15 PM): if I may offer my humble opinion, and I have watched a LOT of shows on the topic, a brother helps a brother by defending him from tougher opponents, thus builing up his courage from example.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:14:45 PM): But man, the Simmons are warriors dude. I'm talking about guys who fought in WWII. There is no reason for him to be such a little sissy like this
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:14:49 PM): hmm
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:14:57 PM): yeah I think I've seen shows like that
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:14:58 PM): I am not putting down the family name.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:15:03 PM): you're not
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:15:06 PM): i just went off topic
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:15:12 PM): that's okay.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:15:58 PM): ok ok back to what you were saying
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:16:00 PM): uhh
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:16:24 PM): so, from my example, if a brother wants to help hook up his brother with a girlfriend, or a laid-night if I may say, what is the best way to lead the younger brother?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:16:39 PM): from example, so what do you think the older brother should do?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:16:43 PM): that's the problem. i don't know
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:16:52 PM): that's probably why I just end up making him feel bad
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:17:01 PM): or doing things he finds abusive
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:19:02 PM): from my perspective, I would think that the older brother would go to the mall, for example, with the yonger brother, point out the choice women, good women, and the wrong women in the crowds, to better his viewpoint on which ones to approach. Then, provide an example; the older brother asks a few women out, with the younger brother watching and listening; paying attention to all the details the older is setting from his example.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:19:20 PM): then the younger would follow and fend for himself.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:19:27 PM): from example.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:20:09 PM): doesn't that sound like a good method to you?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:20:53 PM): as long as the older isn't as rough in his teachings, the younger is more likely to follow from better example.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:21:54 PM): sorry i was on the phone, reading what you wrote now
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:22:24 PM): Yeah, but Bob is kinda shy though. He doesn't even want to go with me
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:22:44 PM): He even fights with me about it
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:23:10 PM): well, as a responsible brother, how do you feel is the best way of winning back his confidence in you, so he'll go to the mall with you?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:23:24 PM): It's not that. He's scared of going to the mall and talking to girls.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:23:42 PM): Really scared. He just doesn't want to do it
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:23:54 PM): I think he might be gay
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:24:08 PM): well, the best way to help a frightened young is to offer positive influence.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:24:28 PM): Well, yeah I've tried but it doesn't work
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:24:35 PM): that's why it just ends up being abusive in the end
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:25:12 PM): Because he is a stubborn bastard who even fights with me to not to the mall or wherever. I've been nice to him as much as I can
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:25:57 PM): Why is he friends with you anyway? I've always wondered if he was a closet case
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:26:00 PM): you know, gay
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:26:02 PM): be kind to him; open up how you feel about him, and inform him on how you'd like to help. and if he still refuses, then you may take a step up; extend your hand, like a kind soul offering to help a homeless person, in full support.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:26:18 PM): if you guide him in the right light, you can keep him straight.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:26:25 PM): Yeah
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:26:28 PM): That's true
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:26:44 PM): But if he refuses and fights with me then I can't do much about it
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:27:31 PM): that's okay; just be good to him, and he'll open up and go with you; it's a matter of building up his confidence from good example.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:27:53 PM): I wasn't always the mean abusive cousin of his, he really made me like this with his stubbornness
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:28:00 PM): I mean I can try
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:28:04 PM): but he just runs away from me
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:28:11 PM): and treats me like I'm some sort of evil guy
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:28:28 PM): and I mean, when someone treats you like that, you can't really be much else other than that
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:28:38 PM): that's all you can do; just try; be good to him as much as possible, but not too much.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:28:42 PM): kinda like how ED treats you like a bad person. Try convincing them that you're good
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:29:00 PM): I understand you there.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:29:16 PM): Also I'm not a part of ED, he is lying about that
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:29:19 PM): after talking to me, how do you feel about me?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:29:36 PM): I dunno, you seem like a pretty decent guy
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:29:43 PM): I don't agree with how you've spent your life though
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:29:47 PM): for the past 26 years
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:30:02 PM): I mean being a virgin and all
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:30:29 PM): and the things with ED could have easily been avoided
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:30:41 PM): well past may matter to some, but it's the ending result that counts; I am a decent guy; it just takes time for people to see that.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:31:29 PM): so, what good things can you do for Bob that can help build his confidence in himself and you?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:31:34 PM): Yes, but your reputation is ruined now. It's going to be hard to live a normal life. You've gotta become someone better than who you are to the point where the article doesn't even seem to apply to you anymore
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:31:41 PM): to the point where it all seems made up
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:32:03 PM): and so I am ignoring their words, for the better.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:32:30 PM): That's not good enough though. I just saw you on a news site, I mean, your public opinion as a whole is pretty fucked
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:32:57 PM): let me find the link
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:33:32 PM): damn ED's results have clogged up Google now
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:33:41 PM): and other people linking to ti
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:33:43 PM): *it
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:34:17 PM): found it
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:34:18 PM): http://www.nerve.com/CS/blogs/61fps/archive/2008/09/19/wtfriday-the-adventures-of-sonichu.aspx
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:34:36 PM): anyway you get the idea
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:35:17 PM): But, I think you could get through this over time though
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:35:39 PM): well, that is their opinion, and I take that with a grain of salt and move on with my life.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:35:45 PM): alright
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:35:58 PM): so, let's go back to helping Bob.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:36:11 PM): yeah i agree
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:36:34 PM): what can you think of doing that you feel can help build up his confidence in you and in himself?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:36:44 PM): i don't know
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:37:06 PM): well, you can offer to fix him dinner one night.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:37:16 PM): he won't eat it
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:37:23 PM): he'll say it's poisoned
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:37:40 PM): or something like that. the guy is really stubborn like that
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:37:52 PM): well, you don't have to tell him that you made it until after he's eaten and enjoyed it.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:38:03 PM): if I tell him at all, he'd be pissed
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:38:14 PM): he'd try to start hitting me or something
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:38:17 PM): really
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:38:36 PM): although he knows not to fuck with me but when he's mad he doesn't care
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:38:45 PM): well, what if he truly enjoyed the meal and thought it was really delicious and good?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:39:06 PM): I can't cook anyway
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:39:15 PM): okay, I did not know that.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:39:15 PM): I'm not his wife
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:39:21 PM): that's fine.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:39:47 PM): we have talked about opening yourself up to him honestly with your feelings.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:39:58 PM): talking about them.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:40:30 PM): whatever I don't really care anymore
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:41:34 PM): i mean, fuck it. you know what I mean
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:41:35 PM): well, we don't have to strain our brains right away; you may take your time; think about it, ask yourself "What can I do for Bob to make his day better and build up his confidence?"
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:41:44 PM): let him die sad and alone
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:41:47 PM): write up a list of things you can do for him.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:41:59 PM): what the hell can I do about it?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:42:07 PM): i mean look, has anyone been able to help you?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:42:09 PM): no
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:42:54 PM): look, you are only denying yourself; you CAN help Bob, just have more confidence in yourself being able to help him.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:43:22 PM): Ask yourself what you can do for him.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:43:27 PM): make the list.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:43:35 PM): and help him.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:43:37 PM): let him live his own life, I can only do so much. He has to be able to help himself
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:43:57 PM): I'm not his babysitter
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:44:15 PM): he CAN help himself, if he is taught how to help himself from example.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:44:25 PM): I'm not calling you his babysitter.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:44:29 PM): I'm not a good example
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:44:45 PM): Tell him to find someone who can help him out, like you maybe. But then again, maybe you're not a good example either
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:45:02 PM): why do you feel that you are not a good example?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:46:01 PM): I dunno, I mean the guy is fine the way he is right? What will he learn from me, to bang chicks and do things he finds objectionable?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:46:10 PM): You said drugs were bad for example
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:46:14 PM): would you want him following me
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:46:23 PM): smoking weed
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:46:54 PM): okay, that's a good reason, but what if you gave it up, or only do it when NOT around Bob.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:46:55 PM): ?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:48:03 PM): Bob can help you in return for you helping him; he leads you better by example of NOT smoking weed, and you lead him by example of how to talk to women.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:48:37 PM): hmmm
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:48:45 PM): why should I?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:48:46 PM): You've said it yourself that you had control of your life, now you can better yourself to truly become a better man.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:49:07 PM): Give me a reason that's not from a thinktank
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:49:09 PM): Bob is your Little Brother; Be a Good Big Brother to him.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:49:16 PM): Weed isn't bad though
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:49:24 PM): He may think it is
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:49:26 PM): but it's not
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:50:01 PM): still, keep the thought that you would like to be his Big Brother; let That Thought be your alternative to weed.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:50:35 PM): no it shouldn't
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:50:36 PM): people can become better from other people.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:51:14 PM): If not for any other reason, Be a Good Brother, for Rober Simmons V.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:51:25 PM): Robert
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:52:09 PM): Just repeat to yourself, "I am Andrew Simmons a Big Brother to Robert Simmons."
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:52:29 PM): I'm his cousin
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:52:46 PM): I mean metaphorically.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:53:08 PM): Forget the word "cousin" for now; just repeat the phrase to yourself over and over.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:53:21 PM): "I am Andrew Simmons, a Big Brother to Rober Simmons."
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:53:55 PM): there ARE people who volunteer to be a Big Brother to a younger child.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:54:33 PM): sorry
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:54:34 PM): can't do it
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:55:03 PM): are you sure that you "Can't", or that you "Won't"?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:55:26 PM): it is not what you CAN'T do; it is the FACT THAT YOU CAN.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:55:31 PM): YOU CAN.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:55:48 PM): nah
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:55:59 PM): YOU CAN.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:56:26 PM): YOU ARE CAPABLE.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:56:30 PM): YOU ARE NEEDED.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:56:36 PM): BOB NEEDS YOU.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:56:39 PM): YOU CAN.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:56:56 PM): hmm
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:56:58 PM): I can?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:57:13 PM): YOU CAN.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:57:32 PM): Really?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:57:39 PM): Yes, YOU CAN.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:57:40 PM): Really?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:57:49 PM): YES, and ONLY YOU CAN.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:57:51 PM): ...really?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:57:55 PM): YOU CAN.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:57:59 PM): Are you sure about that?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:58:08 PM): I AM POSITIVE. YOU CAN.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:58:19 PM): I'm not feeling you man. I don't think I can
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:58:33 PM): Stay with me. YOU CAN.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:58:37 PM): YOU CAN.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:58:40 PM): YOU CAN.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:58:46 PM): U
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:58:47 PM): er
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:58:48 PM): I
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:58:50 PM): I can
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:58:51 PM): 't
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:58:53 PM): I CAN'T
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:59:00 PM): NO, YOU CAN.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:59:14 PM): YOU CAN.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:59:14 PM): Really?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:59:18 PM): YOU CAN.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:59:23 PM): AND YOU WILL.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:59:24 PM): Really?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:59:29 PM): YOU CAN>
 '''Christian Chandler''' (11:59:45 PM): YOU CAN.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (11:59:58 PM): hmm
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:00:00 AM): k
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:00:13 AM): good, say it with me, YOU CAN.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:00:26 AM): YOU CAN
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:00:41 AM): lol. no, say it with me, I CAN
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:00:52 AM): YOU CAN
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:01:28 AM): lol again. YOU CAN.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:01:35 AM): YOU CAN
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:02:01 AM): Andrew Simmons CAN.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:02:07 AM): no he can't
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:02:16 AM): Andrew Simmons CAN.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:02:20 AM): nah
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:02:25 AM): Andrew Simmons CAN.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:02:37 AM): not really
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:03:05 AM): YOU ARE ANDREW SIMMONS, and YOU CAN DO IT!
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:03:13 AM): OMG I HAVE THE POWER!
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:03:23 AM): I HAVE THE POWERRRRRRRRRR
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:03:33 AM): to say no I can't
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:03:33 AM): YES.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:03:37 AM): NO
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:04:03 AM): YOU ARE ANDREW SIMMONS, YOU HAVE THE POWER, and YOU CAN!
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:04:12 AM): ok
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:04:22 AM): good.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:04:32 AM): so, WHO ARE YOU?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:04:48 AM): I forgot. I have amnesia
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:04:54 AM): lol
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:05:09 AM): SERIOUSLY, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:05:17 AM): I'm Batman
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:05:26 AM): lol
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:05:37 AM): YOUR NAME IS ANDREW SIMMONS.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:05:43 AM): Oh fuck, it is?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:06:17 AM): okay, obviously I have built up your confidence enough to joke around.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:06:20 AM): Sorry I just hit my head against the wall
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:06:24 AM): I can't remember anything
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:06:36 AM): Who am I? i don't really know
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:06:48 AM): I'm trying to help you.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:07:17 AM): and if at this moment you are going to be closed-minded to me, there's nothing else I can do for you.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:07:20 AM): No, Chris. I'm the one helping you.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:07:47 AM): Good night.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:07:50 AM): wait
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:07:51 AM): ok
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:07:52 AM): fine
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:07:57 AM): what did you want me to say?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:08:09 AM): okay.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:08:27 AM): I'm Andrew Simmons btw nice to meet you
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:08:35 AM): I just got my memory back
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:08:42 AM): now what
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:09:03 AM): Repeat to yourself, "I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V."
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:09:07 AM): "I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V."
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:09:24 AM): that's good. repeat that over and over again.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:09:28 AM): "I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brother to Robert Simmons V.""I am Andrew Simmons, Big Brot
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:09:34 AM): oops
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:09:35 AM): sorry
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:09:44 AM): that's good.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:09:55 AM): ok i got it man
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:10:00 AM): now what
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:10:14 AM): Go help Bob become a ladies' man.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:10:23 AM): alright he's not here though
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:10:28 AM): tell me where he is//
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:12:14 AM): okay, I'll tell you what, write an e-mail to Robert, tell him that I have advised you on how to be a better man, and how you are going to positively help him, and send it to my address @ ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com; I will Forward it to him.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:12:46 AM): I Promise.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:13:00 AM): I'll just tell him when he gets back
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:13:11 AM): okay.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:13:35 AM): take care and stay safe.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:13:50 AM): you can't talk any longer?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:13:57 AM): this has been awfully one sided. all about me
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:14:00 AM): what about you?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:14:10 AM): I'm okay, and I HAVE learned from you.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:14:16 AM): learned what?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:14:22 AM): how to be a better man.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:14:27 AM): details
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:14:37 AM): in what way?
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:14:49 AM): how to open up more to them with delightful conversation.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:14:56 AM): to whom? girls?
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:15:00 AM): i didn't even get to that
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:15:02 AM): to women, yes.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:15:06 AM): you did.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:15:18 AM): i told you how to stop them from telling you they have a boyfriend
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:15:32 AM): EXCATLY.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:15:45 AM): Yeah, leave the medallions and toys etc at home
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:15:47 AM): you have told me what to say in response to that lie.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:15:51 AM): start working out
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:15:54 AM): yes.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:16:08 AM): get some better clothes. i mean goodwill is not really where young people go to get clothes
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:16:15 AM): just a basic white button shirt is good
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:16:20 AM): yes.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:16:55 AM): Also about Blan..ca... er.. I ... nevermind
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:17:03 AM): she's not a troll right
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:17:09 AM): even if she is, time will tell
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:17:09 AM): yes, she is not a troll.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:17:27 AM): But internet relationships aren't good IMHo
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:17:33 AM): they're nothing but trouble in the end
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:17:38 AM): *IMHO
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:17:51 AM): but whatever, you can make up your own mind about that if this works out or not
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:17:58 AM): I'll be there to help you out afterwards
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:18:03 AM): okay, thank you.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:18:25 AM): all you need to mainly concentrate on is helping Robert.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:18:45 AM): I'm pretty sure someone originally set Blanca up to this though, some poor bastard tried to use her to get close to you. I just don't see it ending we-... forget it, you'd never beleive me anyway
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:19:09 AM): i'm pretty sure I know a certain group that... well nevermind
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:19:15 AM): good luck anyway
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:19:23 AM): thank you.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:19:29 AM): take care.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:19:41 AM): I'll let Bob know that I have helped you.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:19:46 AM): alright
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:19:55 AM): hopefully he'll come back.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:20:32 AM): anyway, try to get in shape. you were fine but you've started to really let yourself go man. really I'd like to help you as much as bob
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:20:45 AM): you need it
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:20:53 AM): yes, thank you.
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:20:58 AM): Peace.
 '''Andrew Simmons''' (12:21:00 AM): anyway, take care then
 '''Christian Chandler''' (12:21:05 AM): u2

[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Chatlogs]]

Chris and negotiation

2010-09-10T05:40:59Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Mary Lee Walsh */

When dealing with [[Chris]], trolls often experience a unique form of '''negotiation'''. Due to a severe sense of [[Chris and his Ego|entitlement]], a [[Barb|lifetime of coddling]] and [[autism|other factors beyond his control]], Christian Weston Chandler has no grasp of how to compromise, and often fails to understand what sort of bargaining position he's in.

Often, trolls blackmailing Chris will find him making demands of them, as if he were the one with leverage. Conversely, some have experienced the oddity of having Chris run away from a situation where he was purposely given the upper hand. When it comes to dealing with Chris directly, one can only expect that he will always take the path of least resistance, even if it doesn't benefit him.

[[Image:0781-CWCspdbed.JPG|thumb|right|Chris waiting for his [[china]] to come to him]]
{{quote|[[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'M WORKIN' ON IT!!!]]| Christian Weston Chandler on everything and anything}}

==Concept of Compromise==
Negotiation is based on compromise. Both parties must work together and make concessions to each other in order to find the best possible solution to their problems in a satisfactory manner. Chris doesn't understand this, and arguably ''cannot'' understand this, given his severely stunted ability to understand that other people have thoughts and feelings that differ from his own. Being completely ego-centric, Chris believes that, in any exchange, both parties must share the same viewpoint: his. Chris can't stand any form of prolonged confrontation and quickly tires if his demands aren't met exactly as he has made them.

On numerous occasions, Chris has tried to negotiate either by making ridiculous demands or outright refusing to give anything up (or do anything at all for that matter). After he makes his case, his mind is "closed on the matter" and he is unwilling to budge. When further pressed, he often shuts down completely and walks away from the table, into the waiting arms of his [[PS3|hugbox]].

==Examples of Negotiation==

===Mary Lee Walsh===
One of the earliest examples of Chris's attempts at negotiations was after his expulsion from his [[PVCC|community college]]. In emails between [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and himself, Chris was unapologetic about a violent outburst that he had had in their previous meeting. Instead of apologizing, Chris offered to "never hang notes on the wall again", and to consider "stopping my Silent Treatment" of Susan Hannifan, a PVCC Guidance Counselor. To further sweeten the deal, Chris offered to "knock[...] [Walsh] and Susan up my scale of Respect each by 2 points". Ignoring the horrible choice of words in regards to "knocking up" two of his female superiors, Chris believed that an imaginary measurement of his personal opinion was an [[Chris and his ego|extremely important]] bargaining chip. This is an example of how Chris behaves in negotiations where he wants something from another person - by offering minimal effort on his part, but expecting full returns from the other party.

===Miyamoto saga===
During the Nintendo saga, [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] stated that Chris must meet him at Nintendo's American headquarters in Redmond, Washington. Chris handled this by making a video where he pretended to come back from Redmond, when he actually never left the house. Chris demanded that the CEO of an international company come to HIS house and meet with him. When Chris was pressed as to why the meeting had to be at his house, Chris said that he had no money. When he was asked why he had no money, he said he had no job. When he was asked why he didn't have a job, Chris made various excuses and cited his very brief employment at [[Wendy's]]. He also insulted Miyamoto, asking him "Are you the "Mario" who Plays Fair, or the "Bowser/Koopa" who Cheats and Lies?" This sort of "pass the buck" attitude is very common when dealing with Chris. Nothing negative can ever be his fault.

===[[Audiobooks]]===
In [[2009]], Chris came into contact with [[Vivian Gee]], a white knight who eventually turned troll. Vivian was very helpful to Chris at first, but Chris refused to hear any of her input. As a result, their relationship soured, and Vivian started a popular Sonichu parody audio book that Chris despised. [[4 September 2009|Chris ranted and raved]], demanding that audio books be removed. They were not, but one month later, Chris quickly changed his tune. After taking out a [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] on the [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|NAME "Sonichu"]], Chris believed he now had magical copyright powers, and demanded that Vivian give him 25% of all the profits she'd made from the audiobooks (SPOILER ALERT: 25% of zero is zero). Suddenly, something that he had made death threats over, was not only welcome, but he was demanding to be part of it.

===Sweetheart sagas===
Whenever Chris wants to meet one of his "[[sweethearts]]" in real life, he usually wants them to come to him, no matter how difficult such a trip would be. He wanted [[PandaHalo]] to come to him despite her living in Australia. He wanted [[Julie]] to come to him even though she was supposedly a poor immigrant who couldn't afford a car or bus fare. He wanted [[Kacey]] to come to him even though she lived in the DC area, which is an hour or so from Ruckersville.

One of the most recent sweethearts, [[Jackie e-mails|Jackie]], was willing to have a relationship with Chris as long as he tried to become a better person. Instead of trying to put in a minimal amount of effort and try to better himself, he decided to end things.

During the Julie saga, Chris made a number of deals with Clyde Cash and The Miscreants, all of which he reneged on:

*In the first deal, Chris agreed to do a video where he came out of the closet in order to save Julie's life. In the [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_February_5th,_2009#Take_1|first take]], he called himself a "[[gaybian]]", which was done so that he could somehow say he was gay without actually calling himself gay. He did a [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_February_5th,_2009#Take_2|second take]] where he clearly stated that he was being forced to say he was gay. When he actually did call himself a homosexual, he mumbled it and stated he was "guhhhhh".

*The second deal was that Chris would clean his room in order to save Julie's life and that he would do a video in order to prove it was clean. In order to avoid actually having to clean his room, he merely pushed some of his stuff aside and filmed his floor for 30 seconds before he did his [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_February_10th,_2009|Captain's Log]].

*The final deal resulted in the infamous [[Julie Reveals Herself]] call. [[BlueSpike]], as both Julie and her kid brother Max, had gained access to Chris's [[PSN]] account. In the guise of Max, he offered Chris an ultimatum: The PSN and Yahoo accounts or Julie. In a conversation before the call, Chris told Max that he chose Julie, believing that, like in the movies and tv, he would get both back for "making the right choice". Right when "Max" put "Julie" on, Chris immediately asked "her" to get his PSN and Yahoo back. Failing that, he tried to guilt Max into giving it back to him. In the main call, Max gives Chris one last chance to change his choice. He sticks with Julie, despite the hold that his PSN account has over him. When Max threatened to sell his account on eBay, he revealed that he "made the right choice" and that he deserves his PSN.

===Chris, CWCipedia captain===
When he was given [[CWCipedia|his own wiki]] for free, he demanded complete executive control from day one. In Chris's mind this meant that every demand he made would be fulfilled by the staff, and that anything done without his permission would be removed immediately. He insisted on a gaudy background, and [[CWCipedia#Traitorous_mutiny|threatened to stop working]] whenever the [[Cogsdev|webmaster]] displeased him. Later, when [[Jack Thaddeus]] graciously paid for the CWCipedia's webspace with ads featuring homoerotic images, Chris went on a tirade. Chris immediately demanded that they be taken down, but refused to even consider paying for his own website. When removal failed, he said that he wanted them to be smaller, as if he had some say in how large advertisements were. Chris had no concept of how advertising worked, but merely assumed that he had the final say in everything.

Later, during the "popularity contest" between [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] and [[Asperchu]], he tried to make amends with [[Alec Benson Leary]] in an effort to remove Asperchu ads from the front page of the CWCipedia. However, instead of making reparations, Chris demanded that Alec tell his fans to go back to Sonichu. Chris, who was in no position to make requests, attached several "clauses" to his apologies. In fact, Chris's list of demands was larger than the apology they were bundled with. All of this came after Chris drew a comic where he broke into Alec's house, stole a dating game from his Xbox 360, blew up said Xbox, and freed a group of Rosechus that he implied were the victims of sexual abuse. After finally fulfilling most of Alec's requests in a substandard and slapdash manner, Chris killed him, his webmaster and two other comic artists in [[Sonichu 10]] as some sort of childish form of revenge.

===PlayStation 3===
Often, trolls will gain access to Chris's PSN, and make various demands. The most common of these demands is that he sell or throw out some of his beloved toys or games. Despite his claims that he plays with everything in his room, a quick glance at his PSN account shows otherwise. Most of his PSN activity is divided between [[LittleBigPlanet]], God of War 3 and [[ModNation Racers]], which leaves most of his [[List of Chris's games|vast collection of games]] untouched. Even though he doesn't use the majority of the toys and games he owns, he refuses to sell them. This refusal is usually followed up by him saying that he doesn't have the money to do something that would improve his life.

Between late [[August 2010]] and early [[September 2010]], Chris was met with the opportunity (not really) of gaining $9,001 in exchange for the [[The MovingForward videos|destruction of]] [[ItIsFinished.MOV|his PS3]]. Needless to say, [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|it didn't go well]]. The bounty was only for trolls and was, in turn, fake. However, Chris tried to haggle (albeit ''very'' poorly) with [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]] to get something that never existed. The ultimate result of this was Chris [[Charlottesville Fashion Square#Chris captured on video|actually waiting for his money at the Charlottesville Fashion Square]] after being tricked into going there. After realizing he had been tricked, he ended by telling them to "go point at your own damn snouts and Oink like [[South Park|Eric Cartman]], and then [[Rape]] yourselves with your own Damn [[Sex toys|Darth Maul Dual Light Saber]]."

==Chris's Tactics==
===Ignoring reality===
When Chris is faced with a task requiring any effort on his part, or involves something that does not benefit him, he completely ignores it. Chris automatically disregards anything that will not benefit him immediately, or almost immediately. The hardest part of negotiating with Chris, is that, if you make a demand that he does not agree to, he shuts down. Like a spoiled infant, Chris will not even deal with something that isn't self-serving and easy.

On the other hand, when you have something Chris wants, Chris will not give up until he has acquired it, on his own terms. When the road to a reward has a sign that bluntly says Chris is not eligible, he will attempt to get the reward anyway, or claim that the rules are discriminatory and unfair. Chris will pursue his goal thoughtlessly and simplemindedly, often ignoring even the idea that he might not get what he wants. In the process, he frequently acts as if he has some sort of leverage even in situations where this is manifestly not the case — he continually made demands of the CWCipedia's administrators, for instance, despite the fact that they had full control over the website and he had none.

===Altering reality===
In some instances (the rare ones that he actually does what he was instructed to), anything said or done he feels slandered his good name he will simply state are lies and instruct everyone to ignore them, then will [[Mailbag 2|close his mind]] on the subject. This is [[Chris|retarded]] for two reasons. By telling his "fans" to ignore the lies, he is alerting "fans" that are a little behind on what's happening with Chris of their existence, making more people see them than would have if he didn't acknowledge them. He is also showing he is clearly aware of their existence, and still insisting they are lies.

===Delays===
When Chris has to meet a requirement during a negotiation (ESPECIALLY deadlines), he will explain that he is "working on it". To Chris, saying this is an acceptable substitute for actual work, whether or not he is indeed "working on it". If, in his own good time, Chris feels inclined to fulfill the deal, he'll submit whenever he wants to, regardless of the original agreement, well after the deadline. If the agreement was that he would receive something for the "work" done, he will demand it unceasingly, despite not holding up his end of the deal in any way, shape, or form.

Even if Chris somehow agrees to a set of terms, he will try to get around them. If he agrees to give something up for someone, he will go behind that person's back in order to get it back so that he could have both. If he agrees to draw a comic, he will most likely do something easier, like make a video or write a blog entry, figuring that that counts as work. If he agrees to willingly slander himself (like calling himself gay, for instance), he'll either mumble it so that it's incomprehensible, or he'll hide his face.

{{incomplete}}
{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris-chan Discusses...

2010-09-01T22:32:10Z

Hamsterjelly:

'''Chris-chan Discusses...''' is a series of video interviews between Guru Larry of ScrewAttack Europe (a website dedicated to video game news) and the Internet's favorite autistic manchild, [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. Guru Larry is the second big name fan of CWC, after animator Harry Partridge.

While a normal person would see Larry is clearly insulting Chris to his face, Chris's autism prevented him from comprehending Larry's blatant sarcasm. The only thing Chris picked up on was that Larry was using the Bulk and Skull theme from Power Rangers, which has negative connotations.

This is actually the second time Chris has ever given a public interview.

==Preview==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|0HHlmBzOd6s}}</center>

{{quote|Yep. Hello.}}

===Transcript===

SAE: Hello, and welcome to my very first interview with various people… from the Internet! And with me tonight, we have [[Christian Weston Chandler]]… uh, best known on the Internet for-- creator of [[Sonichu]], the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]!

SAE: Hello there, Christian.

 Chris: Yep. Hello.

SAE: So… yes. Good.

==Chris-chan Discusses... [[Billy Mays]]==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|N-gTUmGzl5o}}</center>

{{quote|I'm still the mayor of Cwcville. There is no elections.}}

===Transcript===
[[Image:325504 - Chris-chan clyde cash.jpg|thumb|right|"I'm damn straight!"]]
 Chris: (fading in)...you know, I read in de uh- read in the announcement video about [[Billy Mays|Billy's Mays]]- about uh, well I quoted Wikipedia about Billy's cause of death which was basically something like a heart attack.

SAE: Yeah.

 Chris: And I was in Red Oak the whole weekend.

SAE: You do know he was involved in a plane crash the day before as well?

 Chris:...oh...yeah I s'pose that would put a lot of [[stress]] and to, uh, futher induce the heart attack, yeah.

SAE: So yeah so it could be- You wa- you wu- you weren't flying the plane, we'll get that straight, were you flying the plane?

 Chris: Yeah, I was not- yeah I was not flyin' da plane I was in Red Oak with my mother and my relatives.

SAE: Okay...So yes, so you've got no ulterior motives to-

 Chris: I have no ulterior motives, oh and in fact- I forgot to say this in the video but uhh, I often confuse Billy Mays with with Richard Karn from Home Improvement, 'cause they both look and act- both looked, acted, and sounded alike.

SAE: You mean they're both fat and got a beard? 

 Chris: Uhh...no, I've been talm 'bout, you know, aside from the beard like you know the other facial features, and the voice...I just often confused uh Billy with Richard Karn.

SAE: Yeah I often confuse people with fictional characters as well so...It's n- it's quite easy to do...so-

 Chris: Yeah.

SAE: So what do you think of the people calling for [[Adam Stackhouse]] to be the new mayor of [[CWCville]] as well?

 Chris: Uhh, no no no no, I'm still the mayor of CWCville there is no elections. I mean that's just a whole bunch of uh rumors on the internet that trolls are uh just talking amongst themselves...uhh, just, do not believe anything that comes from the trolls, it's all just a bunch of rumor- it's all just a bunch of false rumors and lies.

SAE: Uh, is uh, are you gonna be announcing Billy Mays' death in your comic as well or anything or...?

 Chris: Uhh...Ohh yeah well let me just uh- I mean, I've already uploaded a video onto youtube too but let me just say that once again I never- HE never was the mayor of CWCville, when I made that statement on a YouTube I was blackmailed into doing dat by uhh, the uh quote unquote [[BlueSpike|"Julie's brother" that little 13 year old brat]] so I was lying out of my ass when I said that.

SAE: Ah. Yes. If I could a-

 Chris: I- SO I BIN- So I've always been the mayor of CWCville and I still am, there's no question about it.

SAE: Ah. Now it was quite (Chris coughs) it was quite hard to tell if you were lying or not because we couldn't see if you were holding an [[Optimus Prime]]...I saw...so, uh, so if it was on video we would known you was lying.

 Chris: (Unnecessarily forced cough) Uh, yeah, well I was lying out my ass when I said tha- when I said that I was a..."[[homosexual]]"...lyin' out my ass when I said that bun everybody knows I'm damn straight.

SAE: Yes of course, you're indeed a fine role model for us heterosexuals.

 Chris:Yeah...thank you.

SAE: You're welcome.

==Chris-chan Discusses... Spax3 & Jason Griffith==

''Note: For anyone wondering who Spax3 (real name: Alexander/Edison Prins-Stairs) is, the best way to describe him is if [[ED]] was an olympic sport, Spax would have the Silver medal to Chris's Gold. I.E. He's the second most trolled person on the wiki and is just as deserving as Chris.''

''Other note: Up until Larry informs him otherwise, Chris is under the impression that Spax3 is a new character in an upcoming Sonic game. How he came to this conclusion is unknown. You are welcome to speculate, though.''

''Jason Griffith is Spax's equivalent of the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]].''

* [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Spax3 ED article on Spax3].

<center>{{#ev:youtube|eo43aFIcRV8}}</center>

===Transcript===

SAE: Yes.. also, uhh.. ano- another thing a lot of people have been asking me to te- ask this. Uh, what do you think of the voice actors for Sonic the Hedgehog? [Pause] I mean there's- I must say there's- there's somebody out there on the internet who's uh, very opposed to, uh, Jason Griffith. Uh, doing the voice of Sonic the Hedgehog. What do you think about that? You bothered with the voice?

 Chris: Mmm... Y- I pretty much like the- uh, original voice they've been going with this whole time. Uhh... changing it, uhh... would be uh, I don't know- I don't know if it- well it depends, I would have to compare the new voice and compare it to the old voice to - um, make an opinion. Although I will say this. In comparison to the animated series, y'know, where they had the- uh, kid who was Urkel originally voicing Sonic the Hedgehog... versus uh... what- who they have for Sonic X and the video games... uhh.. I'd say- I'd say the newer voi- I'd say the newer guy does it much better.

SAE: Ah.. No. There's uh- There's uh, two guys doi- uh, there was the guy doing it in Sonic Adventure and Sonic Heroes, it was a guy called Ryan Drummond. And they- uh, they fired him because he couldn't make it to New York. They hired this guy called Jason Griffith, and they uh-

 Chris: [Speaking Over] Oh that's too bad.

SAE: So yes. So yeah, basically, uh, everything you hear now is Jason Griffith, and I was just wondering if you thought- y'know- If you notice any difference?

 Chris: Hmmm. I didn't really notice a difference.

SAE: Oh that's good. So you- yeah. So... you reckon that someone made uh- started making... per- petitions to uh, have him fired and that, is a bit over the top?

 Chris: Hmm.

SAE: I mean, would y- would you say that's going a bit far or...

 Chris: Uhhhmm... yeah, probably. Sounds like it was going a bit far, yeah.

SAE: Oh that's good. So yes. So th- It's a- It's a guy called, uh, Spax3. Have you ever heard of him?

[Chris rolls his eyes to one side, in noticeable surprise. Is he hiding something?]

 Chris: Uhhnn... I'm sorry... uhh... Dax3?

SAE: SPAX! [Spells it out] S-P-A-X, three...

 Chris: Oh! Spax... uhh... no, I've never heard of that one.

SAE: Ah. Yes, it's a guy, yes. He uhm, he uh... he actually has fantasies about Cream the Rabbit as well, don't know if you know about that.

[Chris opens his eyes wide in shock, possibly embarrassment. "I thought I was the only one who had those!"]

 Chris: Ohhh...[pause]...oh... huh.[another pause] Uhm, is this- is this like a villain character, this Spax?

SAE: [Speaking over] No! No, no! He's a- He's a real person. He's a real person. Uh, he- uh, he- uh, doesn't like people saying that. That, he- uh... likes... rabbits. He gets very upset about it. Yeah, he says he has uhh... y'know, there's a big thing on- loads of trolls on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]] who want to keep saying that he likes having sex with a rabbit.

 Chris: Huh...

SAE: He wants to have sex with a six-year old rabbit. So. So, do you- do you find that disgusting at all?

 Chris: Mmm... Well, that's his decision but I personally [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|do not promote bestiality]], as a matter of fact, I'm against it, [[Religion|and the bible is against it]], so uh... I- Y'know uhh... he has his opinions, and he has his rights to his own opinions but personally, I'm against it.

SAE: Even if they're half-human?

 Chris: [Pause] Uh... even if...?

SAE: I mean, 'cause they're like, Sonic the Hedgehog, he's- he's sort of half-human, he's not like a proper hedgehog, he's like half-human. He's got two legs and stuff, so.. does that SORT OF count?

 Chris: Uhhmm... uhhh... I don't there is, uhh... any hu- any half-human there... uhh...

[Long awkward pause. Chris strokes chin in confusion]

 Chris: Yeah, I'd still say he's uh... ALL-ANIMAL. I'd still say they're all-animals. They just been given-uh... human form... it's not necessarily making them "half-human".

SAE: No. So, so- uhhh... So you wouldn't say there's any human in Sonichu or anything, either then? When he's, uh, completely a hedgehog pokemon. Or there's no, other way 'round it... even though he stands on two legs?

 Chris: [Pause]... yeah.

==Chris-chan Discusses... Little Big Planet==

<center>{{#ev:youtube|T5B5AendLCc}}</center>

===Transcript===

SAE: Right, so, uh, we're gonna be talking about E3 today, so, uh, what about- Start again from the overall thing, what's your overall opinion of the uh, video games on there this year. What do you think of them? 

 Chris: Oh yeah, I like the games, they're very good. I personally interested in the uh, y'know, [[God of War]] 3 and uh, the PSP version of [[Little_Big_Planet|Little Big Planet]].

SAE: Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. And what do you- What do you think of the PSP Go, is that something you might be buying, or...

 Chris: Yeah, I might buys that for myself, but I would be [[Chris_and_Money|keeping my PSP 2000]] as well.

SAE: Oh, yeah, so-

 Chris: Cause, y'know, I have a bunch of UMD games...

SAE: No, you don't wanna get rid of that just yet.

 Chris: Yeah.

SAE: You're not being tempted to modify it or anything, so you could play copied games on it, from the hard dr- the Memory Card?

 Chris: Yeah.

SAE: Oh, That's good.

 Chris: Yeah, let me talk about Little Big Planet PSP for a bit

SAE: Alright.

 Chris: Yeah, ak- as you know, uh, yeah, some features I'd like to see, for the PSP version. I'd like to have it, uh, where I can sync up with the [[Dirty_Crapped_Briefs|pee-]] with the original [[PS3|PS3]] version, and, uh, copy the, uh, stickers and costumes and objects, that, uh, originated from the PS3 version, as well as the downloadable content...

SAE: Mm.

 Chris: Cause I'm sure a [[Trolls|lot of us]] would love to be able to play the uh, play in the spaceman suit that we, uh, got, uh, at the, uh, release of Little Big Planet, or even as Kratos or [[Gay|Nariko]].

SAE: ''(tried to say something, but Chris cuts in, assuming his "Look darling, it's trying to think like a human being!" pose)''

 Chris: And uh, an-a-nd also another thing question, I mean uh, whatever happened to the uh, Real Media Molecule... Ibuh the ''Rare'' Mol- Media Molecule shirt that they talked about at the beginning? It never came out! ''(my guess is they don't stock it in XXXL, Chris)''

SAE: Oh. Have you tried contertactiong them about it? Or anything? Or...

 Chris: ''(licks lips)'' Yeah, I tried tal- I tried contacting them about that, uh, haven't got a response yet.

SAE: You'd think they'd- You'd think they'd contact you, I mean, they did favorite one of your videos once didn't they, I mean, you are one of their stars, after all.

 Chris: Ohkay yeah.

''(cuts)''

 Chris: It's just, y'know, I think, uh, couple of, I think uh, I'd like to address a couple more Little Big Planet issues.

SAE: Okay.

 Chris: Yeah, let's see, we talked about linki- linking up with- between the PSP and PS3 versions...

SAE: ''(mimics being choked to death, which is exactly what the viewer is doing)''

 Chris: - With the copying the costumes and the stickers and all that...

SAE: ''(plays dead)''

 Chris: Mmmm... See, it's like... [[Butt_garments|Expandable]] memory usage, for like, y'know, y'know, people are just gonna [[Autism|continue collecting the objects]] from the custom levels...

SAE: ''(regains his composure)''

 Chris: And uh, creating their own levels, but it's like, y'know, you keep on go- you keep on creating and collecting and like, you g- it's not- it's- you collect too much, and then uh, you won't be able to save your profile. Uh, on your, on your, on your hard drive. I'd like to see, like, y'know, like expandable memory, like, y'know uh, it, like, it grows as you collect, the memory?

SAE: Yeah.

 Chris: Yeah, so, yeah, I'd like to see that. And, uh, also, another thing I'd like to see - a soundtrack to uh, music on Little Big Planet, cause it's good music.

SAE: I think it's all licensed and it'd be pretty hard to-

 Chris: ''(cuts in)'' PRETTY GOOD MUSIC I'D LIKE TO, UH, S-

SAE: Yeah, a lot of it is licensed, that might be a bit hard.

 Chris: Yeah, I liked it. Yeah, especially uh, also the uh... Heh. I mean, like, y'know, I guess, y'know, people probably pirate the uh, one song that put the game in the question that delayed it's release by a week or two. Remember that?

SAE: Oh. Yeah, it actually got released in Britain with that... My copy had it on.

 Chris: ... ''(envious stare, weak "heh")''

SAE: It's actually on the disc- It's actually, the song is actually on the disc, but they released a patch to remove it.

 Chris: Yeah. I've heard about that, yeah.

SAE: So if you got rid of that patch... If you got rid of that patch you could actually listen to it.

 Chris: Yeah, yeah I know, I've heard- I've heard about that, but... Still, I mean, like, y'know, game soundtrack would be good. Yeah, even, like, y'know, if they released it in the Playstation Store, like they did with soundtrack to, uh, Pixeljunk Monsters.

SAE: Yeah.

 Chris: And then put that up for sale, yeah, I would, uh, definitely pay, like, ten-twelve bucks to, uh, download those tracks.

SAE: That much, eh? So yeah. So what would you...

 Chris: Yeah.

SAE: What would you like to have included into Little Big Planet in future. I mean, what sort of, uh, characters and designs and stuff?

 Chris: Yeah, I- I mean, like, y'know, I liked what they're doing about the uh- What they talked about at E3, uh, [[Chris_and_sex#Bestiality|doing Disney characters]]? But I'd like to see... [[Transformers|Transformers]]. Like, y'know, Me- like for y'know, [[Optimus Prime]], [[Zapina|Bumblebee]], [[Julie|Starscream]] and [[Clyde_Cash|Megatron]] or even, like, [[Megan|Soundwave from Generation 1]], that'd be cool.

SAE: Yes. I AGREE.

 Chris: ''(eyes rolled into the back of his head, completely spaced out into transformerland)'' Make it even, like, y'know,two sets of costumes, y'know, one from Generation 1 and one for the movie.

SAE: Hm.

 Chris: And a whole buncha stickers!

SAE: Ah.

 Chris: That- That'd be awesome.

SAE: Yes, it would be then, yes.

==Chris-chan Discusses... Transformers==
<center>
{{#ev:youtube|pmbN83vk9jA}}
</center>

===Transcript===

SAE: What do you play online at the moment, apart from life? Playstation home, I mean.

Chris: Mmm... yeah, yeah probably.

SAE: OK. Um. No, I mean what are you into at the moment in online gaming, I mean what sort of games do you play?

Chris: Um, like online, uh, I like playing Little Big Planet online, uh, among other game titles, I can't remember the names of them. I can't remember the names at the moment.

SAE: Ok.

Chris: That's that would be uh, that's a lot for me to think about though, yeah.

SAE: Ok uh, did you buy Ghostbusters as well?

Chris: Uh no I didn't get that yet, but yeah but I like what I've seen so far, if they release a demo then I would download that...

SAE: Yeah.

Chris: If I don't buy the game first...

SAE: So what was the last game you bought? 

Chris: Uh, yeah, last game I bought... which one was that [coughs a bit] yeah I bought the new Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen video game, that was pretty good.

SAE: That's good.

Chris: Yeah I like and I've seen and I saw the movie last Wednesday and I thought it was awesome. I don't
care what the critics- how the critics put it down... I thought it was a very fun movie and it did have a good story to it and I enjoyed the story.

SAE: That's good. Yes there's enough--

Chris: I mean you know, critics will be critics... I mean like you know some of 'em get paid to praise it and some of 'em get paid to haze it, and you know I just think like you know in general I don't care for those who haze it. I mean, I mean like you know, Transformers has been uh ve-, has been uh very good and they have their own history, especially in generation one, you know in generation one they had some humor, and uh, whatnot, in uh, in the characters and in the story, so I'm thinking so I'm feeling like uh the uh movie is very much following that theme and I think I think Michael Bay is doing a good job with that.

SAE: So yes, Optimus Prime did die in the second one then?

Chris: Yeah, he died but yeah [clears throat] but they brought him back to life shortly enough they made sure he's the leadership.

SAE: Yeah, that's good because you don't want any kids to lock themselves in their rooms for several days, and all that...

Chris: Yeah, yeah, especially like you know in the generation one, they brought him back to life episodes later in the two part episode.

SAE: Yeah.

Chris: [Fake sounding cough] excuse me. I got a frog in my throat! He's using my tonsils for a lily pad! 

SAE: Oh dear! So yes...

Chris: It's a little joke I picked up from Red Skelton.

SAE: He is indeed a master of comedy!

Chris: Yep! Very funny man.

SAE: Yes.

Chris: And a good human being as well.

SAE: Oh, that's good.

 '''[Video Break]'''

 SAE: So yes. What's with that bruise on your head as well, how did you get that?

Chris: Bruise on my head?

SAE: Yeah, you got a cut on top of your head there, the other side, the other side, the other side, yeah. 

Chris: Oh, it's just uh, it's just a bug bite.

SAE: Ah, ok. I thought we had a bit of a ruckus at the wedding or something.

Chris: No, no, did not have a ruckus at the wedding. It was a nice wedding.

SAE: Oh I see.

[[Category:Videos]]

Chris and Spanish

2010-09-01T22:12:43Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Ricardo Weston Chandler */

[[Image:Ano de freshman.png|thumb|right|229px|"Freshman anus" — a prime example of Chris's mastery of the Spanish language. Presumably, he meant to write "año de freshman"; "freshman year".]]
'''[[Wikipedia:Spanish|Spanish]]''' is an Indo-European language spoken by over 350,000,000 people worldwide, one of whom is [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. Chris often uses Spanish in his videos and comics, as it is one of the few things that he actually learned at [[Manchester High School]] (however poorly). He often refers to himself by his Spanish name, '''Ricardo'''.

However, Chris's sub-par knowledge of Spanish does not seem to deter him from [[racism]] against [[Joshua Martinez|Hispanics]], creating a stereotypical [[Heather Iglesias|babysitter in his comics]] and a highly stereotypical sombrero-wearing Pokémon called [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|Espanolic]], who "confuses its enemies with its language." Of note is that Chris has apparently learned the Castilian dialect of Spanish as is common in the Northwest Coast, unlike the Cuban that is taught in Florida or the Mexican that is taught in the southmost states, as noted by his use of European terms like ''ascensor'' for "elevator" (UK: "lift") instead of ''elevador'', as well as his pronouncing "W" as ''doble V'' instead of ''doble U''.

==Why Spanish speakers hate Chris==
[[Image:Axe en español.jpg|thumb|right|229px|An improved version of the infamous [[Axe]] ad, made by a real Spanish speaker.]]
As demonstrated in the picture above, Chris's grasp of Spanish is just slightly weaker than his grasp over the [[Chris and English|English language.]] The best sources of this are his [[CWC_Update_29_July_2009|address]] to our [[Liquid Chris|hero]] and the description to his [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo|hotel]]. He even claims to be fluent in Spanish on his [[resume]]. Chris is so sure of his mastery of the language that he feels himself entitled to mix the language to create [[Noviophobia]], which has its own whole set of problems.

Other reasons are as follows:

*His irritating [[Speech impediment|American accent]]
**Pronouncing the word ''para'' as if it were the English prefix (e.g. "parachute"), making it sound like ''pera'' or "pear"
**Pronouncing other words as if they were English (''impostor'')
*His tendency to add tildes where they are unnecessary (''bueño''), and omit them where they are needed (''ano'')
*Stressing the wrong syllable (''hácer'')

{{Incomplete}}

==Ricardo Weston Chandler==
'''Ricardo Weston Chandler''' is Chris's Spanish alter-ego. Presumably named in honor of [[Wikipedia:Ricky Ricardo|Ricky Ricardo]], a main character in ''[[I Love Lucy]]'', one of Chris's favorite TV shows. This is a "Spanish name" Chris chose for Spanish class (a general practice in language classes where students will take a name in the language they're learning in order to "get into" the culture and language). Of course, while most people forget about this when they've left the course (or in some cases, even the teachers abandon the practice shortly into the course), Chris has adopted "Ricardo" as his actual Spanish name and uses it for his Spanish-related endeavors.

He is oblivious to the fact that in most European languages, people do not change their name when using a different language, but instead use the language's native form of the name, or transliterate it to fit the language's orthography. While Christian is actually a rather common name in Hispanic countries, if it were translated, his full name would be "Cristóbal Cristian Weston Velero" (alternatively, his middle name could be rendered "Huestón", as Spanish uses W only with loanwords). Of course it must be noted that Ricardo's linguistic skills have brought us gems such as [[noviophobia]] (from the Spanish ''novio'', "boyfriend"). It should also be noted that Ricardo is the Spanish and Portuguese version of the name "Richard", which is sometimes shortened to [[duck|"Dick"]].

==Works in which CWC uses Spanish==
*[[CWC Update 29 July 2009]]
*[[CWC's Pokésite 2]]
*[[Hotel Ricky Ricardo]]
*[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]
*"[[La Cocina en La Casa de Casanova]]"
*"[[Valentines Day Hymn]]"
*[[Mumble_2#Chris.27s_fail-riffic_Spanish|Mumble 2]]
*[[OkCupid]]
*[[SingStar_Challenge#Transcript|SingStar Challenge]]
*[[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L]]
*[[Sonichu_Girls#The_letter_in_Spanish|Chris's letters to the Sonichu Girls]]
*[[:File:396-PokePizzaria.jpg|El Café de Pokémon Pizzaria]] [sic]
*[[:File:052-LindaRonstadtIn.jpg|Christian's Favorite Hits: Los [sic] Canciónes [sic] Españolas de Ricardo]]

==See also==
*[[Chris and English]]
*[[Heather Iglesias]], a lesbian nanny who works for [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and Spanish

2010-09-01T22:08:19Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Why Spanish speakers hate Chris */

[[Image:Ano de freshman.png|thumb|right|229px|"Freshman anus" — a prime example of Chris's mastery of the Spanish language. Presumably, he meant to write "año de freshman"; "freshman year".]]
'''[[Wikipedia:Spanish|Spanish]]''' is an Indo-European language spoken by over 350,000,000 people worldwide, one of whom is [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. Chris often uses Spanish in his videos and comics, as it is one of the few things that he actually learned at [[Manchester High School]] (however poorly). He often refers to himself by his Spanish name, '''Ricardo'''.

However, Chris's sub-par knowledge of Spanish does not seem to deter him from [[racism]] against [[Joshua Martinez|Hispanics]], creating a stereotypical [[Heather Iglesias|babysitter in his comics]] and a highly stereotypical sombrero-wearing Pokémon called [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|Espanolic]], who "confuses its enemies with its language." Of note is that Chris has apparently learned the Castilian dialect of Spanish as is common in the Northwest Coast, unlike the Cuban that is taught in Florida or the Mexican that is taught in the southmost states, as noted by his use of European terms like ''ascensor'' for "elevator" (UK: "lift") instead of ''elevador'', as well as his pronouncing "W" as ''doble V'' instead of ''doble U''.

==Why Spanish speakers hate Chris==
[[Image:Axe en español.jpg|thumb|right|229px|An improved version of the infamous [[Axe]] ad, made by a real Spanish speaker.]]
As demonstrated in the picture above, Chris's grasp of Spanish is just slightly weaker than his grasp over the [[Chris and English|English language.]] The best sources of this are his [[CWC_Update_29_July_2009|address]] to our [[Liquid Chris|hero]] and the description to his [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo|hotel]]. He even claims to be fluent in Spanish on his [[resume]]. Chris is so sure of his mastery of the language that he feels himself entitled to mix the language to create [[Noviophobia]], which has its own whole set of problems.

Other reasons are as follows:

*His irritating [[Speech impediment|American accent]]
**Pronouncing the word ''para'' as if it were the English prefix (e.g. "parachute"), making it sound like ''pera'' or "pear"
**Pronouncing other words as if they were English (''impostor'')
*His tendency to add tildes where they are unnecessary (''bueño''), and omit them where they are needed (''ano'')
*Stressing the wrong syllable (''hácer'')

{{Incomplete}}

==Ricardo Weston Chandler==
'''Ricardo Weston Chandler''' is Chris's Spanish alter-ego. Presumably named in honor of Ricky Ricardo, star of ''[[I Love Lucy]]'', one of Chris's favorite TV shows. Presumably, this is a "Spanish name" Chris chose for Spanish class (a general practice in language classes where students will take a name in the language they're learning in order to "get into" the culture and language). Of course, while most people forget about this when they've left the course (or in some cases, even the teachers abandon the practice shortly into the course), Chris has adopted "Ricardo" as his actual Spanish name and uses it for his Spanish-related endeavors.

He is oblivious to the fact that in most European languages, people do not change their name when using a different language, but instead use the language's native form of the name, or transliterate it to fit the language's orthography. While Christian is actually a rather common name in Hispanic countries, if it were translated, his full name would be "Cristóbal Cristian Weston Velero" (alternatively, his middle name could be rendered "Huestón", as Spanish uses the W only on loanwords). Of course it must be noted that Ricardo's linguistic skills have brought us gems such as [[noviophobia]] (from the Spanish ''novio'', "boyfriend"). It should also be noted that Ricardo is the Spanish and Portuguese version of the name "Richard", which is sometimes shortened to [[duck|"Dick"]].

==Works in which CWC uses Spanish==
*[[CWC Update 29 July 2009]]
*[[CWC's Pokésite 2]]
*[[Hotel Ricky Ricardo]]
*[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]
*"[[La Cocina en La Casa de Casanova]]"
*"[[Valentines Day Hymn]]"
*[[Mumble_2#Chris.27s_fail-riffic_Spanish|Mumble 2]]
*[[OkCupid]]
*[[SingStar_Challenge#Transcript|SingStar Challenge]]
*[[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L]]
*[[Sonichu_Girls#The_letter_in_Spanish|Chris's letters to the Sonichu Girls]]
*[[:File:396-PokePizzaria.jpg|El Café de Pokémon Pizzaria]] [sic]
*[[:File:052-LindaRonstadtIn.jpg|Christian's Favorite Hits: Los [sic] Canciónes [sic] Españolas de Ricardo]]

==See also==
*[[Chris and English]]
*[[Heather Iglesias]], a lesbian nanny who works for [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Pixelblocks

2010-09-01T22:04:16Z

Hamsterjelly:

{{quote|PixelBlocks are pixels made physical and set free from the computer screen. They allow the young at heart of all ages to use their creativity in endless ways.|The Pixelblocks slogan, proving that their product is aimed at retards.}}

[[Image:0656-ANIME059.JPG|Oh God, he even brought them on his trip to an [[Anime Mid-Atlantic|anime con]]?|thumb]]
'''Pixelblocks''' are a construction toy, similar to [[Lego|Legos]], except that Pixelblocks come in only one size and shape of brick, which can be attached together in all three dimensions. The principle behind Pixelblocks is that you can assemble these uniform pieces into any form imaginable, just as a television screen can display any image using millions of different color pixels.

Consequently, one of the common applications of Pixelblocks is to make sprites of classic video game characters. For example, if you wanted to make a model of Sonic the Hedgehog to hang up on your wall, you could buy enough blue and white Pixelblocks and make it yourself. Or, if you wanted to customize your Sonic, maybe make him yellow, with a Pikachu tail...

Basically, Pixelblocks are another way for [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] to crowbar his fantasies into reality, just like drawing [[Sonichu (comic)|shitty comics]], homemade ''[[Yu-gi-oh!]]'' cards, customizable video games like ''[[Little Big Planet]]'' and ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', and so on. Until holodecks are invented, the only way Chris can hang out with [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] in real life is to build him, and Pixelblocks provide a way to do that.

It's worth noting that Chris, having [[Autism|no spatial awareness whatsoever]], never makes 3D sculptures.

==Stuff Chris has built from Pixelblocks==

While a full survey of Chris's bedroom is difficult at best, one can spot a few Pixelblock constructs hanging on the walls in his [[YouTube]] videos. Among them:

<center>
<gallery>
Image:507-CWCsPixelSubstitute.JPG
Image:508-HeartTorch.JPG|[[Heart Torch of Fail]].
Image:509-SonichuAndRosechuPixel.JPG|Sonichu and Rosechu.
Image:510-PixelBlockCharacters.JPG|What's sad is they look better than anything Chris can draw.
</gallery>
</center>

==Pixelblocks in Sonichu==

Pixelblocks appeared twice in [[Sonichu 4]]. According to Chris's own diary entries, he would play with them at [[Wal-Mart]], so this may be why he used them in the comics adapting his confrontations with the Manajerks there.

In ''[[Sub-Episode 4]]'', [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] constructed a decoy of himself to confuse [[B-Manajerk]]. When he struck the decoy with his battle axe, the blow sent Pixelblocks flying into his face, injuring him.

In ''[[Sub-Episode 5]]'', the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] revealed that Chris could use his [[Medallions of Fail#The Sonichu Medallion|Sonichu Medallion]] to imbue special powers to the [[Heart Torch of Fail|Heart Torch]], a Pixelblock model he had constructed. Chris followed his advice, and used the empowered Heart Torch to summon his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|dream sibling]], who helped him defeat the [[W-M-Manajerk]].

==Could Pixelblocks help Chris lose his virginity?==
Hell No.

==External links==
*[http://www.pixelblocks.com/cgi-bin/WebObjects/pbonline Official Pixelblocks website]

[[Category: Arts and Crafts]]
[[Category: Hobbies]]
[[Category: Special Attacks]]

Stress

2010-09-01T22:00:02Z

Hamsterjelly:

[[Image:Stress.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in stressed mode.]]

{{quote|Stress hinders the emotions and physical abilities as swiftly as a bullet.|Chris, equating "stress" with being shot<ref name="IRC" />}}

'''Stress''' is the bane of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s existence.

When pressed on his "high-functioning" autism, Chris eventually learned that outside of high school, he can't blame his shortcomings on [[autism]]. He discovered that "stress" works just as well. However, it's assumed that Chris could be confusing "stress" with "depression", refusing to admit that he is in fact, unhappy with his current situation, as well as the fact that Chris has never experienced actual stress in his life apart from his consistent paranoia over getting trolled.

When under the effects of "stress", Chris will typically post videos without his glasses and talk in a more meek variation of his usual monotone speaking voice. It is during these periods of feeling "stressed" that Chris will opt to remove himself from the internet for about a week or so, and then come back feeling refreshed, rejuvenated and given a new resolve to finish the [[Love Quest]]. This is most likely due to his autistic regenerative abilities that make sure that his heart never goes below 0% and into the negatives.

==Things that give Christian stress==

* Bullies.<ref name="IRC" />
* [[Trolls]].
* People at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]].<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]</ref>
* "[A] father who starts more arguments than there are flies at a garbage dump".<ref name="IRC">[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref>
* A [[Bob|father]] who doesn't wash his hands.<ref name="IRC20081231" /> [[Tour of Chris's House|Living in a Superfund site, however, is perfectly fine.]]
* [[Pickles]].
* [[Wendy's|Getting a job]].
* Anything requiring him to leave the house.
* Chores.<ref name="IRC" />
* The existence of [[ED|webpages]] [[CWCki|outlining]] his many [[fail]]ures.
* [[Boyfriend-free girl|Asking girls to go out with him]].
* [[Autistic|His "mental block" of autism]].
* [[Chris and his Ego|Talking to anyone about anything except himself]].
* Being told things he doesn't like to hear.
* Having drawings of him finger-banging [[Megan]] confused with [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]].
* [[Jimmy Hill|Copyright Issues]].
* [[Homo|Homosexuality]]
* His daily struggle against becoming homosexual.
* [[Gay4Sonichu|His characters being accused of homosexuality]].
* [[Blanca|Finding out his internet girlfriend broke up with him because of the Pickle Man]].<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate October 21st, 2008]]</ref>
* [[PandaHalo|Finding out his internet girlfriend died in a brushfire]].
* [[Sarah Jackson|Finding out his internet girlfriend was killed by Optimus Prime in a tragic car accident]].
* [[Julie|Finding out his internet girlfriend is a 13 year old boy]].
* [[Ivy|Finding out his internet girlfriend doesn't exist]].
* [[Kacey|Finding out his internet girlfriend is marrying someone else]].
* People [[Chris and death|dying]].<ref name="IRC" />
* Finding out that [[Emily|his date]] was a mole working for The [[Man in the Pickle Suit]].
* Being famous.<ref name="IRC20081231">[[IRC (31 December 2008)]]</ref>
* Being [[Asperchu|parodied]].
* [[Chris and his ego|Criticism (constructive or otherwise)]].
* Being [[friend zone]]d.
* Having his identity [[CChanSonichuCWC|questioned]].
* [[Megan|His hormones]].<ref>[[Megan E-mails#Chris continues bothering her about ED|Megan E-mails]]</ref>
* Being [[List of places that have banned Chris|banned]] from [[the GAMe PLACe]].
* [[Michael_Snyder_is_ColdHearted_and_Mean|Trying to get unbanned from the GAMe PLACe]].
* Anything slightly inconvenient.
* Anything that Autism isn't an excuse for.

==Things that relieve Chris's stress==
* [[Mass debating]].<ref>[[Chris Sex Logs#I am perverted]]</ref>
* Having a sweetheart resetting his [[biological clock]].
* The prospect of having a "sex time."

==Things Christian does whilst stressed==
[[File:Schu11Placeholder.jpg|thumb|One of the more common symptoms of stress.]]
* [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|Shits himself]].
* Cries.
* Becomes less/more productive than usual.
* Rages about his "pitiful adult life" in YouTube videos.
* Rages at his [[Mailbag|mailers]].
* Sends [[death threats]].
* Abuses his [[PSEye|cameras]].
* Crashes Into Slumber.
* Becomes increasingly homophobic.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref>
* Becomes increasingly racist.<ref>Chris Drops the N-Bomb</ref><ref>[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]</ref>
* [[Stress sigh|Sighs excessively]].
* Suffers from [[Sports bra|memory loss]].
* Draws hideous hardcore pornography of his friends and fursonas.<ref>[[Mailbag 42]]</ref>

==Sauces==
<references />

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS

2010-09-01T21:52:22Z

Hamsterjelly:

{{quote|But, y'know, I wouldn't—I would not wear them on a daily basis I wear briefs. I wear regular briefs. And sometimes I do, uh, I get very [[stress]]ed out from, uh, people who yell at me or, uh, misunderstand me or [[trolls|talk bad about me]]. And, and, between that and other real-life stresses, uh, it just pen—it just builds up and sometimes uh, it just—I just have to—it just comes out and I sometimes accidentally, uh…poo my pants. But I mean, who hasn't in their lifetime, I mean, pooed their childhood diapers, much less pooed their…underwear at least once in their lifetime. I mean, we're only human. Nothing to be ashamed of. And to those who find it amusing, uh, I respectfully disagree with their opinions.|[[Chris]] on his DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS, [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|ECV 00095]] }}

[[Image:Autobiographical.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's gay evil twin shits himself and wets his pants.
 Notice that Chris uses the word "tinkle", a word used by children to describe urination.]]

'''DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS''' is a troll term for Chris's troubles with [[Wikipedia:Encopresis|encopresis]].

[[Stress]] (surprise, surprise) plays a large role in Chris's incontinence problems, as he has trouble controlling himself when under the hammer.

Chris is often expecting a fart when he suddenly realizes that the briefs that were so clean a moment ago are now DIRTY and CRAPPED. This is sometimes called a "shart" in American slang.

He justifies his fecal incontinence by claiming that it is perfectly normal and quite common for adults to soil themselves on a regular basis. There are only 2 causes for a relatively healthy adult to shit themselves: 1. as a symptom of gastrointestinal distress 2. In a fit of vomiting, muscles throughout the body loosen with each successive heave to assist in expelling the stomach's contents. With all the body's energy being used for heaving, the anus is unable to stay tight and closed. This is more likely if diarrhea is present.

In [[2009#March|March 2009]], [[Ivy]] alleged that Chris's claims of dirty, crapped briefs are not, as some argued, merely skid-marks in his undergarments (presumably to assert he wears briefs enough to have skid-marks in them) but rather he has problems controlling his sphincter and apparently is open about the fact presumably to gain pity. It was also alleged that Chris's doctor has been trying to get him to wear [[Butt garments|pads]], and that [[Barb]] is tired of having to wash his crapped underwear.

It is likely that his brief-crappings are chronic, as in the chat of 04 March 2009 with [[Julie]], Julie's brother [[Max]] asks Chris if he's crapped his briefs and he yells "MAYBE!" but then admits that he has indeed crapped his pants with a "...Yes."

On 28 April 2009, Chris admitted in [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|video]] that he craps his pants when he's stressed and says that it's perfectly normal, comparing shitting his pants as a grown man with a baby defecating in its diaper.

On 1 December 2009, Chris refused to offer advice to a girl who suggested that she had some degree of fecal incontinence, claiming that the topic was personal, and that he refused to talk about it. Given Chris's gloried history of bad taste and indiscretion, this drawing a line between what is private and public could be a milestone. Or perhaps he just found the idea of a girl who shits herself to be too icky for his tastes.

Further evidence of Chris's discomfort in talking about the subject lies in his choice of dated vocabulary. Rather than calling toilets a "toilet" or a "john," Chris refers to them formally and in an antiquated fashion as "commodes." CRAPPED BRIEFS are a Personal Subject.

==Transcript==
21:13 <@[[Clyde Cash|clydeC]]> YOU WANT A MAN DEEP INSIDE YOU
 21:13 <%[[Christian Weston Chandler|ChrisChanSonichu]]> That, sir is INCORRECT.
 21:13 <@clydeC> YOU WANT TO WEAR A BRA AND PANTIES
 21:13 <@clydeC> [[:Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|OH WAIT,]] [[Muscle bra|YOU HAVE!]]
 21:13 <@clydeC> AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
 21:13 <@[[BILLY_MAYS]]> ZING
 21:14 <%ChrisChanSonichu> Clothing does not make a person.
 21:14 <@clydeC> THAT ISN'T CLOTHING CHRIS
 21:14 <@clydeC> IT IS YOUR DESIRE TO BE A GIRL
 21:14 <@clydeC> THAT IS SHOWING
 21:14 <%ChrisChanSonichu> Bras and Panties are considered UNDERWEAR, and UNDERWEAR is a type of CLOTHING.
 21:14 <@clydeC> LOOK, I KNOW EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE
 21:14 <@BILLY_MAYS> T-SHIRT = CLOTHING, BRA = FEMALE SUPPORT GARMENT
 21:14 <@clydeC> LOOK, BRAS ARE FOR FEMALES
 21:14 <@clydeC> SO EXPLAIN THAT
 21:15 <@clydeC> AND SO ARE PANTIES, UNLESS YOU'RE GAY
 21:15 <@clydeC> WHICH YOU ARE
 21:15 <%ChrisChanSonichu> Brief and Boxer = Clothing as well.
 21:15 <@clydeC> BUT THOSE ARE FOR GUYS
 21:15 <@clydeC> WHICH YOU DON'T WEAR APPARENTLY
 21:15 <@clydeC> BECAUSE YOU WEAR PANTIES
 '''21:15 <%ChrisChanSonichu> I have NUMBERS OF PAIRS OF DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS.'''
 21:15 <@BILLY_MAYS> WAIT
 21:15 <@clydeC> WHAT? CAN'T MAKE IT TO THE BATHROOM!?
 21:15 <@BILLY_MAYS> YOU.... YOU....
 21:15 <@BILLY_MAYS> WHAT
 21:16 <@BILLY_MAYS> WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU OFFER THAT INFORMATION
 21:16 <%ChrisChanSonichu> at those times, it mostly slipped out without my knowledge.
 21:16 <@BILLY_MAYS> OH JESUS CHRIST NO
 21:16 <@clydeC> WOW, YOU'RE EVEN MORE PATHETIC THAN I IMAGINED
 21:16 <@clydeC> YOU'RE STILL IN THE CLOSET, AND YOU CAN'T CONTROL YOUR BOWELS

==Sources==

*[[IRC_(20_January_2009)|Complete transcript of the chat containing the revelation]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms|Dirty Crapped Briefs]]

Imaginary family

2010-08-30T22:30:07Z

Hamsterjelly:

:''This article is about Chris's stupid imaginary daughter. For Chris's stupid imaginary twin sister, see [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)]].''

{{quote|You see, I have a dream, I have my dream, and that dream is to give birth, to have, to share a daughter with my wife-to-be, and her name would be Crystal.|Chris and his hilarious Freudian slip}}

[[Image:09-Crystal_Card.jpg|thumb|left|Crystal depicted as a ''[[My Little Pony]]'' character]]
[[Image:CrystalWestonChandler.jpg|thumb|Artist's impression. This is probably also Chris's impression. It is also the impression that no one ever wants to see become a reality.]]

Around the age of [[2003|21]], [[Chris]] had multiple [[dreams]] in which [[Chris and religion|God and Jesus]] told him to find a [[sweetheart]] to build [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up|from the ground up]] to have his '''daughter Crystal''', named "after the illustrious metal"<ref>[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]</ref>, according to him. In a custom ''[[My Little Pony]]'' trading card, Chris depicts Crystal as a pony who traveled back in time to help her father - Chris - find a [[boyfriend-free girl]]. This is [ Things Chris has ripped off|completely ripped off]] from Chibi Moon's entire premise in ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.

This most likely stems from Chris's desire for [[Pedofork|pedophilia]] plus want of a companion who will have to accept him and could understand him. One can only imagine what Chris would do with his "God-Given Daughter" if she was ever born, [[Rape|but the result]] would be very frightening to say the least.

Early justifications for Chris's [[Love Quest]] stemmed from his desire to find a woman who would birth his child, but in recent events, Chris seems to be more [[honest]] in wanting a girlfriend so he can [[Fuck Quest|get laid]] or prove he's straight.

In a conversation with Chris's ex-gal-pal [[Father Call|Kacey's dad]], Chris revealed that he had the "[[Godjesus|prophetic]]" dream about Crystal when he was between the ages of seven and nine. He reiterates this later, saying he was "definitely in elementary school," when he dreamed about giving birth to a daughter (in the dream he had an office job, which also [[Resume|won't happen]]). "Give birth" slipped out, as in Chris would like to gestate a human female infant within his body (or perhaps [[Monty Python|in a box]]) and somehow deliver her into the world.

While it's most likely that Chris just fucked up while talking due to [[stress]] and [[autism]], this could also be a Freudian slip suggesting that Chris has some [[Homos|gender identity issues]], which typically begin in childhood.

During the conversation with Kacey's father, Chris also implied that he may intend to spell the name "C-R-I-S-T-L-E":

 '''Dad:''' You know, I don't think, Kacey actually doesn't really like that name. You know, it's kind of a stripper name, Cri-STAL, it's kinda like Cristal, that champagne...

'''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, it would not, it would not, it would not be Cri-STAL, it would be Cri-STUL. Does that make sense?

 '''Dad:''' It's still pretty close.

'''Chris:''' It's fairly, it does sound close, but it's not, you're not, you're just replacing the C-R-I-S-T-L-E, you're replacing the L-E with an A-L.

But it's most likely that Chris was just lying to Kacey's father and still would name his child Crystal. Or he just [[Chris and English|can't spell for shit]].

It is unclear which spelling he was projecting for his future daughter. In the comics he spells his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|stupid fake sister]]'s name pretty much consistently correctly.

==Citations==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Chandler (extended family)]]
*[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)]]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Crystal Weston}}
[[Category:Imaginary Family Members]]

Stardate, August 27, 2010

2010-08-28T11:58:23Z

Hamsterjelly:

'''Stardate, August 27, 2010''' is a video in which [[Chris]] claims that he formatted his [[PS3]]'s hard drive, unexpectedly erasing [[List of Chris's PSN video downloads|all]] [[Monthly tugboat|his]] [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|content]]. Having learned about the true meaning of formatting and effectively destroying the most important aspect of his life, Chris concedes victory to the [[trolls]].

Despite the apparent insincerity of the video, the events told by Chris are true. It is a new face of Chris, neither happy nor sad nor angry: shock and disbelief. It is one of a few events in his life where something he loves has been taken away from him due to his error and he is without a scapegoat. He has no one to blame but himself, and he realizes that. In the glory of the moment, many a troll grinned a trolling grin upon those immortal words: POOF!

Chris deleted this video a few hours after uploading it.

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Stardate, August 27, 2010
| video = {{#ev:youtube|O4Ix46Cfdq4}}
| stardate = 27 August 2010
| subject = {{Video games|text}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}},
| saga =
| shirt = {{HighSchoolShirt|text}}
| previous = [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW]]
| next = Current
}}

== Transcript ==
Heh... [[Captain's log]], Stardate August 27, 2010.

Guess what? I have some interesting, fascinating news for you... trolls out there. You knome- You are aware of my recent dilemma with being able to download videos and digital comics being disabled. Well, I just got done through talking with, uhh, technical people at [[Sony]]. And they encourage me to, uhh, to, uhh, option 3 of, uhh, res- of, uhh, searching for corrupted data and cleaning that out.

But there was a problem during that and... it's- and the 'sistant suggested formatting my internal hard drive. And there was a misunderstanding between me... and... the, uhh, employee over at Sony Computer Entertainment of [[America]]. And I said yes, [eyes bulge out] everything I have [[Monthly tugboat|worked for]] since... ss- two- since [[March 2007]] since I started, saved data, videos, music, photographs everything that was saved to my hard drive. [''Extends arms out showing the world his [[stare]]''.] Gone!

There's nothing to destroy. You wanted to destroy my PlayStation 3? Well, in a misguided error, [[Slow-in-the-minds|I just did myself]]. So there's nothing for you trolls to be [[Chris and his Ego|jealous]] about, nothing, absolutely nothing! Feels like a whole [[Obesity|weight]] has been lifted off my shoulders. In a way, you win! You win dayure!

That's it! I'll leave y'all with that piece of knowledge, let y'all contemplate. Of uhh, especially to uhh, [[Clyde Cash]]... Let him contemplate... the agony in the past few years. Everything, [''raises arms''] [[Homos|POOF]]!

Alright, stay safe. [''Reaches for camera to turn off.'']

== See also ==
*[[PS3]]
*[[Sony]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW]]|nextlink=Current}}

{{Troll Videos}}
{{Captain's Log}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

ModNation Racers

2010-08-22T18:28:08Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Chris's ModNation career */

{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:ModNation Racers.jpg|thumb|''MR'' [[America]]n box art]]

'''''ModNation Racers''''' is a customizable kart racing game for the [[PS3]] and [[PSP]] that [[Chris]] has taken a liking to. It isn't quite [[2010]]'s answer to ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'', but it's close.

In addition to providing [[Autism|autistics]] with the simple gameplay used in all racing games and cute, [[Homos|gaily]]-colored characters found in [[Pokemon|many]] [[Animal Crossing|children's]] [[Sonic|games]], ''ModNation Racers'' is heavily based around user-generated content, much like ''LittleBigPlanet''. Chris can now foist his questionable [[Chris and art|design skills]] upon the world through a kart racing game.

==Chris's ModNation career==
When only the beta version of the game was available, Chris posted exactly 25 screen caps of him driving a yellow, [[Sonichu]]-themed cart around an empty racetrack on the [[CWCipedia]]. These were filed under [[Copyright|"Original CWC Art"]]. Later, after the retail version arrived, he created a number of characters and cars (images are available below), as well as a CWCville track.

It is of great concern to Chris that despite his belief that he has a large [[fanbase]], barely anybody has bothered to download his poorly designed track and he continues to whore it out at every opportunity. On 17 July 2010, Chris updated his [[Twitter]] account for the first time in ages, begging his imaginary followers to give him codes for the "Mystery Mods" (promotional DLC packs included with the pre-ordered copies of the game<ref>[http://blog.us.playstation.com/2010/04/27/modnation-racers-mystery-mods-revealed/]</ref>) and to download his CWCville track so that he could acquire yet another trophy. 26 July saw yet another Twitter update whining for downloads and positive reviews.

He also posted multiple threads on the forums at [[GameFAQs]] and Gamespot making similar demands. When his initial beg-a-thons were deleted because of those boards' anti-soliciting policies, Chris, being Chris, just went ahead and posted them again.

Despite having all the free time in the world to practice his skills, Chris remains mediocre at ''ModNation Racers''. This should come as little [[Soul Calibur|surprise]]. After racing in 1000+ contests, Chris has only "won" 200 of these (with a noticeable "Disconnected" and "Did Not Finish" tally indicating some [[Rage|tard-rage]] present). All in all, Chris seems to win about 20% of the time.

Additionally, a number of his characters show they have been used in 0 races even days after their creation, meaning even Chris doesn't bother to use his own creations.

==Beta screen caps==

<center>
<gallery>
Image:MODNATION.JPG|Modnation Chris, about to go snake hunting.
Image:MODNATION_1.JPG|Sonichu license plate
Image:MODNATION_2.JPG|''Modnation'': the game that lets you make Sonichu [[medallions]]
Image:MODNATION_19.JPG|Chris plows his car into an orange pylon
</gallery>
</center>

==Gallery==

{{collapsible
|Chris's Modnation Characters|<gallery perrow="4">
File:Modnation ChrisChan.jpg|Chris
File:Modnation Sonichu.jpg|[[Sonichu]]
File:Modnation Rosechu.jpg|[[Rosechu]]
File:Modnation LegoChrisChan.jpg|[[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|Lego Chris]]
File:Modnation LegoInfomaniac.jpg|[[Legos|The Infomaniac]]
File:Modnation 1stTransformersRacer.jpg|[[Transformers|A "Transformer"]]
File:Modnation ExcelExcel.jpg|[[Excel Saga|Excel]]
File:Modnation HayattHatchan.jpg|[[Excel Saga|Hyatt]]
File:ModNation Wild.jpg| [[Wild Sonichu]]
File:ModNation Punchy.jpg| [[Punchy Sonichu]]
File:ModNation MagiChan.jpg| [[Magi-Chan]]
File:ModNation Bubbles.jpg| [[Bubbles Rosechu]]
File:ModNation Angelica.jpg| [[Angelica]]
File:ModNation CountGraduon.jpg| [[Count Graduon]]
File:ModNation AmericanRabbit.jpg| [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|American Rabbit]]
File:ModNation PattiChan.jpg| [[Patti-Chan]]
File:ModNation ChrisChanSonichu.jpg| [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]
File:ModNation PrincessClara.jpg|Princess Clara
File:ModNation FoxxyLove.jpg|Foxxy Love
File:ModNation No24MHSPlayer.jpg|A [[Niggo|basketball player]] from Chris' [[Manchester High School|high school]]
File:ModNation MHSCheerleader.jpg|...and a [[Laura_Beth_Dorazio|cheerleader]] to pair him off with.
File:ModNation No65MHSPlayer.jpg|Another basketball player.
File:ModNation 1996ChristianChandler.jpg|...and someone to pair him off with.
File:ModNation Bionic.jpg|[[Bionic the Hedgehog]]
File:ModNation ManchesterShirt.jpg|A [[Transformers|Transformer]](?) wearing a [[Manchester High School|Manchild High]] shirt
File:ModNation PaRappa.jpg|[[PaRappa the Rapper]]
</gallery>}}

{{collapsible
|Chris's Modnation Cars|<gallery perrow="4">
File:Modnation SonichuKart.jpg|A car for Sonichu
File:Modnation RosechusKart.jpg|And Rosechu too!
File:Modnation AutobotSon-Chu.jpg|[[Son-Chu]]
File:Modnation 1991CamaroZ-28.jpg|Hot Wheels
File:Modnation JaguarXj220Revealers.jpg|More Hot Wheels
File:Modnation Zr1CorvetteRevealers.jpg|
File:Modnation PontiacBanshee.jpg|Nothing to see here
File:Modnation AMansToy.jpg|Not [[gay]] at all.
File:Modnation 1stTransformerRaceCar.jpg|Transformation not included
File:Modnation Wiimote.jpg|[[Chris and death|<s>A casket</s>]] Nintendo Wiimote
File:ModNation AuNatured.jpg| [[Nudes|Au "Naturel"]]
File:ModNation Prowler.jpg| [[Prower|Prowler]]
File:ModNation CountGraduonScepter.jpg| Count Graduon's [[Sex toys|Scepter]]
File:ModNation AmericanRabbitsskates.jpg| [[The_Adventures_of_The_American_Rabbit|The American Rabbit]]'s rollerskate
File:ModNation Foxxy5..jpg| A van featured in one episode of the forgettable series ''Drawn Together''
File:ModNation ChrisChanSonichuKart.jpg|A kart for [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]
File:ModNation Arwing.jpg|Another game franchise ruined by Chris...
File:ModNation ManchesterHighShortBus.jpg|[[Slow-in-the-minds|The short bus]]
</gallery>}}

{{collapsible
|"Tour de CWCville" Modnation Tracks|<gallery perrow="4">
File:CWCvilleTrackCity.jpg| [[CWCville|Downtown]]
File:CWCvilleTrackPark.jpg| [[McIntire Park|CWCville Park]]
File:CWCvilleTrackForest.jpg| [[Rape|CWCville Forest]]
File:CWCvilleTrackMountain.jpg| CWCville Mountains
</gallery>}}

==See also==

*[[Fan:Sonichu Racers]]

==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==

*[http://community.modnation.com/en-us/players/Sonichu Chris's ModNation profile]

[[Category:Video Games]]

ModNation Racers

2010-08-22T18:27:40Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Chris's ModNation career */

{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:ModNation Racers.jpg|thumb|''MR'' [[America]]n box art]]

'''''ModNation Racers''''' is a customizable kart racing game for the [[PS3]] and [[PSP]] that [[Chris]] has taken a liking to. It isn't quite [[2010]]'s answer to ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'', but it's close.

In addition to providing [[Autism|autistics]] with the simple gameplay used in all racing games and cute, [[Homos|gaily]]-colored characters found in [[Pokemon|many]] [[Animal Crossing|children's]] [[Sonic|games]], ''ModNation Racers'' is heavily based around user-generated content, much like ''LittleBigPlanet''. Chris can now foist his questionable [[Chris and art|design skills]] upon the world through a kart racing game.

==Chris's ModNation career==
When only the beta version of the game was available, Chris posted exactly 25 screen caps of him driving a yellow, [[Sonichu]]-themed cart around an empty racetrack on the [[CWCipedia]]. These were filed under [[Copyright|"Original CWC Art"]]. Later, after the retail version arrived, he created a number of characters and cars (images are available below), as well as a CWCville track.

It is of great concern to Chris that despite his belief that he has a large [[fanbase]], barely anybody has bothered to download his poorly designed track and he continues to whore it out at every opportunity. On 17 July 2010, Chris updated his [[Twitter]] account for the first time in ages, begging his imaginary followers to give him codes for the "Mystery Mods" (promotional DLC packs included with the pre-ordered copies of the game<ref>[http://blog.us.playstation.com/2010/04/27/modnation-racers-mystery-mods-revealed/]</ref>) and to download his CWCville track so that he could acquire yet another trophy. 26 July saw yet another Twitter update whining for downloads and positive reviews.

He also posted multiple threads on the forums at [[GameFAQs]] and Gamespot making similar demands. When his initial beg-a-thons were deleted because of those boards' anti-soliciting policies, Chris, being Chris, just went ahead and posted them again.

Despite having all the free time in the world to practice his skills, Chris remains mediocre at ''ModNation Racers''. This should come as of little [[Soul Calibur|surprise]]. After racing in 1000+ contests, Chris has only "won" 200 of these (with a noticeable "Disconnected" and "Did Not Finish" tally indicating some [[Rage|tard-rage]] present). All in all, Chris seems to win about 20% of the time.

Additionally, a number of his characters show they have been used in 0 races even days after their creation, meaning even Chris doesn't bother to use his own creations.

==Beta screen caps==

<center>
<gallery>
Image:MODNATION.JPG|Modnation Chris, about to go snake hunting.
Image:MODNATION_1.JPG|Sonichu license plate
Image:MODNATION_2.JPG|''Modnation'': the game that lets you make Sonichu [[medallions]]
Image:MODNATION_19.JPG|Chris plows his car into an orange pylon
</gallery>
</center>

==Gallery==

{{collapsible
|Chris's Modnation Characters|<gallery perrow="4">
File:Modnation ChrisChan.jpg|Chris
File:Modnation Sonichu.jpg|[[Sonichu]]
File:Modnation Rosechu.jpg|[[Rosechu]]
File:Modnation LegoChrisChan.jpg|[[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|Lego Chris]]
File:Modnation LegoInfomaniac.jpg|[[Legos|The Infomaniac]]
File:Modnation 1stTransformersRacer.jpg|[[Transformers|A "Transformer"]]
File:Modnation ExcelExcel.jpg|[[Excel Saga|Excel]]
File:Modnation HayattHatchan.jpg|[[Excel Saga|Hyatt]]
File:ModNation Wild.jpg| [[Wild Sonichu]]
File:ModNation Punchy.jpg| [[Punchy Sonichu]]
File:ModNation MagiChan.jpg| [[Magi-Chan]]
File:ModNation Bubbles.jpg| [[Bubbles Rosechu]]
File:ModNation Angelica.jpg| [[Angelica]]
File:ModNation CountGraduon.jpg| [[Count Graduon]]
File:ModNation AmericanRabbit.jpg| [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|American Rabbit]]
File:ModNation PattiChan.jpg| [[Patti-Chan]]
File:ModNation ChrisChanSonichu.jpg| [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]
File:ModNation PrincessClara.jpg|Princess Clara
File:ModNation FoxxyLove.jpg|Foxxy Love
File:ModNation No24MHSPlayer.jpg|A [[Niggo|basketball player]] from Chris' [[Manchester High School|high school]]
File:ModNation MHSCheerleader.jpg|...and a [[Laura_Beth_Dorazio|cheerleader]] to pair him off with.
File:ModNation No65MHSPlayer.jpg|Another basketball player.
File:ModNation 1996ChristianChandler.jpg|...and someone to pair him off with.
File:ModNation Bionic.jpg|[[Bionic the Hedgehog]]
File:ModNation ManchesterShirt.jpg|A [[Transformers|Transformer]](?) wearing a [[Manchester High School|Manchild High]] shirt
File:ModNation PaRappa.jpg|[[PaRappa the Rapper]]
</gallery>}}

{{collapsible
|Chris's Modnation Cars|<gallery perrow="4">
File:Modnation SonichuKart.jpg|A car for Sonichu
File:Modnation RosechusKart.jpg|And Rosechu too!
File:Modnation AutobotSon-Chu.jpg|[[Son-Chu]]
File:Modnation 1991CamaroZ-28.jpg|Hot Wheels
File:Modnation JaguarXj220Revealers.jpg|More Hot Wheels
File:Modnation Zr1CorvetteRevealers.jpg|
File:Modnation PontiacBanshee.jpg|Nothing to see here
File:Modnation AMansToy.jpg|Not [[gay]] at all.
File:Modnation 1stTransformerRaceCar.jpg|Transformation not included
File:Modnation Wiimote.jpg|[[Chris and death|<s>A casket</s>]] Nintendo Wiimote
File:ModNation AuNatured.jpg| [[Nudes|Au "Naturel"]]
File:ModNation Prowler.jpg| [[Prower|Prowler]]
File:ModNation CountGraduonScepter.jpg| Count Graduon's [[Sex toys|Scepter]]
File:ModNation AmericanRabbitsskates.jpg| [[The_Adventures_of_The_American_Rabbit|The American Rabbit]]'s rollerskate
File:ModNation Foxxy5..jpg| A van featured in one episode of the forgettable series ''Drawn Together''
File:ModNation ChrisChanSonichuKart.jpg|A kart for [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]
File:ModNation Arwing.jpg|Another game franchise ruined by Chris...
File:ModNation ManchesterHighShortBus.jpg|[[Slow-in-the-minds|The short bus]]
</gallery>}}

{{collapsible
|"Tour de CWCville" Modnation Tracks|<gallery perrow="4">
File:CWCvilleTrackCity.jpg| [[CWCville|Downtown]]
File:CWCvilleTrackPark.jpg| [[McIntire Park|CWCville Park]]
File:CWCvilleTrackForest.jpg| [[Rape|CWCville Forest]]
File:CWCvilleTrackMountain.jpg| CWCville Mountains
</gallery>}}

==See also==

*[[Fan:Sonichu Racers]]

==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==

*[http://community.modnation.com/en-us/players/Sonichu Chris's ModNation profile]

[[Category:Video Games]]

Matthew Nobles call

2010-08-18T14:06:17Z

Hamsterjelly:

[[File:127539439799.jpg|thumb|Soon at a GAMe PLACe near you]]

On 10 [[August 2010]], Alec Benson Leary, posing as Matthew Noble, a [[GAMe PLACe]] employee, called [[Bob Chandler]] and discussed [[Chris's]] encounter with [[Michael Snyder]] in [[June 2010]]. The phone call is enlightening as it reveals a number of things concerning Bob and his views of Chris and those he talks to. These include that he never knew of the trespassing incident in June and that, for some unknown reason, he believes Chris's trolling incidents are a conspiracy based in the GAMe PLACe, with the help of some [[homos|gays]], no less. He also reveals that Chris has been having some credit card troubles and is blaming the vast Greene County conspiracy to cover his own ass. The call put Bob in a less sympathetic light in the eyes of most trolls as he's revealed to be just as delusional as his son.

==Transcript==
'''Bob:''' Hello? 
'''Matthew:''' Uh, hello, is this Robert Chandler? 
'''Bob:''' Yes? 
'''Matthew:''' Hello? 
'''Bob:''' Who is this? 
'''Matthew:''' Hi, hi, Mr. Chandler. Hi, my name is, uh, Matthew Nobles, I think you just tried to call me back, I left you a message? 
'''Bob:''' Y-yes, what-what's your problem? 
'''Matthew:''' Well um, actually um I wanted to talk to you about something. Um, I'm an employee at the GAMe PLACe. Uh, I apologize for calling you so long after the incident occurred but, uh, given your son's continued harassment of our store I felt we needed to speak to you- 
'''Bob:''' The uh- the gaming place now? Uhh... 
'''Matthew:''' The GAMe PLACe. 
'''Bob:''' This place down town? By the Omni? 
'''Matthew:''' Correct. Correct. 
'''Bob:''' Ok... Ok... Now what's- What's- 
'''Matthew:''' Well- 
'''Bob:''' What's the problem? 
'''Matthew:''' Well um, I'm sure you're aware of uh, the little incident your son, ah, Christian had when he came to our store, um, early in June. Um- 
'''Bob:''' I didn't know he had been to your store [[6 June 2010|early in June.]] 
'''Matthew:''' When he attempted to ge- 
'''Bob:''' I knew he- 
'''Matthew:''' Oh, you were unaware of- 
'''Bob:''' He- I knew he, uh, had some, a lot of problems with you people several years ago. [Matthew attempts to answer, Bob continues over him] 
'''Matthew''' [Interrupted]: Well, uh, what happened was 
'''Bob''' [Continuing]: When you basically kicked him out and everything else for no reason of his own. 
'''Barb:''' [In the background]: And his mother. 
'''Bob:''' And his mother. And exfverybody else. I don’t really like your place, now what’s it gon- I didn't know he'd been there in June. Now tell me about this. 
'''Matthew:''' Well, basically what happened was he came in, he wanted to talk to our manager, Mike, about getting himself unbanned. Um, Mike refused to speak with him about the matter. 
'''Bob:''' Well, I think that's the Mike that threw him out. Mike's been [[Kick the autistic|persecuting him for years]] and I don't like Mike. I'd like to speak to the owner of the place I think lives up here, up the road from me. In Madison or somewhere. This whole thing is a setup from the very beginning with my son. Now I don- didn't like it then and I still don't like it. Now what happened in June? 
'''Barb:''' [Interrupts] Bob?(?)
'''Matthew''' [Interrupted several times]: Well, Sir the point is that- Sir, I... Sir. Well after he left, uh, when he couldn't get himself unbanned, he came back several days later and was taking pictures of people in the store- 
'''Bob:''' [[Chris and the law|Well that's not illegal!]] 
'''Matthew:''' Um, one of the patrons... He... Some people felt that he was threatening them, to be honest. One woman said that he was taking [[Pedofork|pictures of her son]]. I don't know if that's true or not, but uh, Mike was there and he became angry and called the [[Jerkops|police]] because your son was trespassing 
'''Bob:''' Well he hadn't told them he- didn't come in there, it's a business place. Now, Mike, and [[Megan]] are the ones that conspired together with a couple of other people- kids there that I think were [[Homos|gay]], to persecute and torment Christian for years. Ok, I don't like Mike. I would like to talk to the owner of the store. I could really tell him about the [[Niggos|people]] he employs there. Ok, I could tell him a lot. 
'''Barb''' [In the background]: Megan lied. 
'''Matthew:''' Sir... Well, regardless of that sir, I don't know about any of that all I know is that your son was banned from the store and he trespassed 
'''Bob''' [Talking over Matthew]: Well regardless of that, that all figures within to this stuff. That all figures into this stuff. It certainly shouldn't and what should- It certainly should- 
'''Matthew:''' Well that certainly- But I just called to- Sir I called to inform you- I called to inform you that even though the police came and made your son sign a trespassing notice that he continued to harass our store online. That's what I called to inform you of. 
'''Bob:''' Well he probably- People are harassing him from all over the world! Let me tell you something fella, you know what some damn crazy fools that I think started at your store with Megan, and Mike, and two or three more. You know what they just did a week ago? They just broke into his [[Money|checking account]], got his checking account numbers and routing numbers they- they broke into his Best Buy MasterCard number, and they stole his ID, and- and all of his uh... Password information they went into that Best Buy checking account, trying to ruin his credit, and made a payoff on a check that had no funds in the checking account. Which got him a whole bunch uh- of of non-sufficient fund fees. Now this all transpired a week ago. Now I'm not going to listen to your petty stuff, OK? You have people including Mike, and I can tell you two [[Lucas|more]] [[Mimms|names]], but I can't think of 'em right now but the third one is Megan. And I'm sure you've heard of Megan or know Megan, right there in the store. 
'''Matthew:''' I've heard about Megan. Sir, I don't understand why you're not concerned about your son trespassing 
'''Bob:''' They're the people that are terrorizing Christian! They're the people that are [[Twin_Falling_Towers|terrorizing]] Christian! Ok? 
'''Matthew:''' This really has nothing to do with the GAMe PLACe, sir. I just called to inform you about your son trespassing. 
'''Bob:''' It has something to do with the GAMe PLACe because that's the pla- Well you're from the GAMe PLACe, right? 
'''Matthew:''' Sir, the GAMe PLACe didn't break into his bank accounts. I don't know why you're telling me about this. 
'''Bob:''' Well, we think that people that come to your place do, including one of your employees named [[Manajerk|Mike]]. 
'''Matthew:''' Well, we don't control all of our customers. 
'''Bob:''' Including one of your employees named Mike. Now, if you would like to have me talk to your owner I would be glad to- and my wife would be glad to go to a meeting with him about your place and how it's [[Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens|corrupting]] the whole neighborhood! 
'''Matthew:''' I kind of doubt that Mike himself is the guy that broke into your son's account. I kind of doubt that, sir. I just called to inform you that your son trespassed. Sir, your son was banned from the store and he came back and told me to- 
'''Bob:''' No but he and Megan and that group- Fine! [[Mary Lee Walsh#Possible Reconciliation|Send us a letter!]] Send us a letter! Send me a letter, sir! Ok? I don't know who you are. Do you work for the store? 
'''Matthew:''' Well I know tha- I overheard that the police, when he was talking to the police I overheard him say that he was very adamant that he didn't want you to be told about this. He wanted his- said something about his [[Rocky|counselor]]. 
'''Bob:''' Well- Do you work for the store? 
'''Matthew:''' Yes I do sir. 
'''Bob:''' Do you work for the store? Can you answer the question? 
'''Matthew:''' I just said that I do, sir. 
'''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? 
'''Matthew:''' W-What question sir? I missed your question, sir. 
'''Bob:''' Do you work for the GAMe PLACe? 
'''Matthew:''' I just answered that, sir. 
'''Bob:''' No you didn't. Do you work for the GAMe PLACe? 
'''Matthew:''' I said, "Yes I do, sir." I answered that three times in a row. 
'''Bob:''' Ok, what is your position at the GAMe PLACe? 
'''Matthew:''' I'm an employee of theirs, sir. I'm a supervisor. 
'''Bob:''' You're a supervisor. Now what does that exactly mean? That mean you're a shift manager? 
'''Matthew:''' ...Yes. 
'''Bob:''' Yes, ok. Now, will you tell me the owner's name, or do I have to subpoena it? 
'''Matthew:''' Sir... Sigh... look, I'm- honestly, I'm getting a little tired of this, sir. I'm just calling to inform your son trespassed and he's gonna [[Diary#July_2005|get arrested]] 
'''Bob:''' Well, sir, I'm getting a little tired of your place. Ok? I don't want to be harassed by your place. 
'''Matthew:''' Fair enough. We don’t like your son harassing us. 
'''Bob:''' You left me a pretty threatening message on the thing to start with. On my telephone. 
'''Matthew:''' What? Sir, I left a message saying I had a sensitive matter to discuss with you. How is that threatening? 
'''Bob:''' Yeah, but it was your tone of voice and attitude. 
'''Matthew:''' Sir, I didn't have an attitude. I was perfectly polite. 
'''Bob:''' Oh, no. No, no you weren't. 
'''Barb:''' Get his name. 
'''Matthew:''' I don't know how to disagree with that, sir. 
'''Bob:''' How do you spell your last name? How do you spell your last name? 
'''Matthew:''' Nobles. N-O- Sir. This isn't threatening. I feel that it was irresponsible of us not to inform Christian's parents. That’s why I called. To inform you about his trespassing. 
'''Bob:''' Well... Just wait a minute now. 
'''Matthew:''' He wanted us to talk to his counselor instead. 
'''Bob:''' 'Cause when was he told- N-O-B-E-L or N-O-B-L-E? 
'''Matthew:''' I wasn't there the initial time years ago when he was banned, sir. All I know is he was there when um- 
'''Bob:''' Is it N-O-B-E-L or N-O-B-L-E? 
[Pause] 
'''Matthew:''' Sir... 
'''Bob:''' Sir! How do you spell your last name? 
'''Matthew:''' I'm- I really don't feel like answering these questions, sir. You're giving me the third degree for no- 
'''Bob:''' You can- you can answer a simple question. Well you- You told me your name, now how do you spell it? 
'''Matthew:''' You've been yelling at me this entire time, sir. I don't feel like, frankly giving you my name- 
'''Bob:''' Just spell your name and I won't yell at you! 
'''Barb:''' You were not yelling! [Inaudible] 
'''Matthew:''' That’s a rather... silly... requirement, sir. 
'''Barb:''' He's not yelling at you! 
'''Matthew:''' I'm just trying to talk- 
'''Barb:''' Spell your last name! 
'''Matthew:''' He has been yel- 
'''Barb:''' Spell your last name! Hey! Who're you? 
'''Matthew:''' [Sigh] I've already given my name. I'm- 
'''Barb:''' You have not! What is your first name? 
'''Bob:''' Noble is his last name. I don't know how you spell it. 
'''Barb:''' Ma- Matthew Noble. N-O-B-E-L. What's your phone number? [REDACTED] That's a weird number. OK now, what is it you want? 'Cause it sounds like eh- You're- You're lookin' to try to uh- uhm- uh- Harass us and get something out of us. And we don't want nothing to do with you. [Bob says "like that again" and "GAMe PLACe" loudly in background, possibly yelling at Chris] 'Cause you- Just because you- I don't know wha- if you work at the GAMe PLACe or not. I can't see you, I'm not down there. And yo- 
[Cuts off abruptly] 

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?0qocazgbb2qbp7m Audio download]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jW_zAAKBxw YouTube]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

User:Hamsterjelly

2010-08-18T13:38:24Z

Hamsterjelly:

The one and only.
{{Americunt}}{{White}}{{Jew}}{{Observer}}{{Wii}}{{OperationMailbag}}{{Straight}}{{PVCC}}{{Weeaboo}}{{EDUser}}

Chris and sex

2010-08-10T01:20:25Z

Hamsterjelly:

{{Honest}}
[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sex''' (aka "hanky panky"), mostly stemming from stunted sexual development and a sheltered upbringing. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on HBO around age 16. He views pornographic films as "educational" and regularly purchases [[sex toys]] from AdamEve.com.

== Knowledge of sex and gender ==
<div style="clear:right; float:right;">{{showhide|title=Show me some Chris Duck|width=225px|content=[[Image:Thenightmarecontinues.jpg|thumb|Seven inches? Yeah, right.]]}}</div>
Due to the combined threat of his somewhat [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]] and his peculiar mindset on sex, Chris is noticeably confused about sexual terminology. While he ''may'' have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. He refuses to use the proper terms - either medical or slang - for sex organs, instead calling penises "[[duck]]s" and "[[pickle]]s", and vaginas and vulvae "[[china]]". In [[Sonichu 9]], he referred to women as another species. While at times it may seem as if females are from another planet, they are still classified as ''[[Homo]] sapiens'', just like manchildren.

In his world, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful...sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate", a description he stole from Sailor Moon.<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> In a set of [[Jackie e-mails Part 2|emails]] to a potential sweetheart, Chris reveals that he has never kissed a girl. He claims he learned everything from simply watching porn and hentai, and basic high school sex education. This has engendered many false impressions in Chris, and he sticks by them religiously. He thinks that his virginity is a precious and sought-after treasure which women will come in droves to take (he even went so far as to use it as a bargaining chip to haggle with a prostitute), and believes that [[mass debating|masturbating]] a whole fucking lot will ultimately make him better at sex. And he has a subscription to ''[[Playboy]]''!

His actual knowledge of sex is crude and basic at best and blatantly wrong at worst, and most of his sex knowledge is at worst. When given the chance to display his sexual knowledge, he illustrates that his entire frame of reference comes from watching porn and not getting it. He mimics' female porn stars' sex positions, spread an imaginary vagina a yard across, and thinks that electric shocks to the vagina aren't outstandingly painful. This general ignorance spreads to sexual vocabulary as well. The "missionary cowgirl" mentioned in Sonichu, for example, is both nonexistent and impossible (Although in the [[For Julie's Eyes Only|Julie video]], he manages to do something like this by penetrating [[Kimmi]] while assuming a cowgirl position - with himself on top). He can't even get the most basic double entendres correct, wearing a "receiver's" terrible Mountain Dew slogan parody shirt thinking it's an invitation for women to try and ride his broken penis. At least he knows ''of'' birth control, even if he'll never have a chance to show how much he really knows on using it. Chris is also wholly ignorant of cues for sexual attraction, insisting he's straight even as he acts like a mincing crossdressing homosexual in Mariana Trench-deep denial. This can be explained by his autism and lack of empathy or ability to pick up on social cues, but given his reaction to being told he looks gay is to scream "NO I'M NOT!" and ignore anything else, it's unlikely he'll ever learn.

Among other views of gender, Chris reveals a lot of sexist tendencies. Based on his failed attempts at getting girls at the mall, he has concluded that all girls are already paired up, lesbians, or distracted with shopping. He can’t seem to acknowledge the possibility that women just might not be drawn to a fat, dumpy psycho, carrying an "[[attraction sign]]" and followed by the unpleasant aroma of [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|shit]] mixed with [[AXE]]. His views on women are inadvertently supported by [[Barbara]], who tells him how handsome and special he is, and how the girls won't be able to keep their hands off him. He obviously doesn't realize that all parents think their kids are the most beautiful little snowflakes in the world, and probably still sees her as an unbiased source for compliments.

== Moral basis on sex and double standards ==
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? ''Really''? In a ''children's'' comic? Because they should know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: But I say to you, That whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is dictated by the Christian bible. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' [[homos]], but not hesitating to view lesbian porn and approve of it ("I like dykes[…]"). This logic probably stems from an episode of ''[[Family Guy]]'' where one of Meg's friends states that lesbianism is a choice, while male homosexuality isn't. This comment was intended as a joke, but like most satire, it flew right over Chris's head. Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he plans on not losing his virginity until a [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true sweetheart (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). Well, guess that the whole “no sex till marriage thing” doesn’t matter that much now, does it?

The Christian Bible also frowns upon pornographers and sodomites, both sins of which he is guilty and holds no visible remorse. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to dogmatize and what is OK. In his defense, he did used to drink his own [[semen|cum]], so that the seed of his loins wouldn’t get lost à la Onan (but he probably doesn't know about that, so it's still just him being stupid). It should be noted that by doing this, he is technically eating his own [[Crystal|children]]. It is still uncertain whether he enjoys the taste of his semen, or whether he is too retarded to realize that Onan was punished for not doing God's will (by practicing the withdrawal method instead of impregnating his sister-in-law.) Whatever the reason, it's hilarious.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is partially because he goes to a very liberal church, and any question about premarital sex is interpreted quite liberally by [[Rocky]]. When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by the trolls, she only fuels his cafeteria Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which is wrong by Christian doctrine. Chris picks and chooses what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest|Fuck Quest]].

Chris seems to consider a woman sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he ever held, he announced his desire to upload on internet [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)|the video]] of his first full sexual intercourse. When interrogated over the desire of his partner's legitimate desire of intimacy, he merely added that he would simply [[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line|hide cameras]], record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public. This proves that for Chris, a woman is just a living, sentient sex-toy, existing only to validate him as a heterosexual.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|thumb|Christian professing his love for "[[Julie]]".]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous [[sex tape]] with [[Kimmi]] shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. Since Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the men in pornography (due to fear of becoming a homo), Chris assumes that it's perfectly normal for a man to moan loudly while calling out his partner's name.

Chris's view of cunnilingus involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina in the same way a dog would slobber over his master. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the clitoris (if he even knows what ''that'' is).

He takes an extremely long time to orgasm in these leaked media, suggesting that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (possibly from his bent duck, fat ass, lack of endurance) or psychological (possibly performance anxiety, high expectations, subconscious guilt about sex) in nature. Some argue that based on such leaked media, Chris may not actually enjoy sex as a manifestation for expressing love or even for physical sensations, but in a more childlike way of getting some psychological satisfaction from doing something "naughty" and "adult." He only wants to have sex so that he won't be a [[virgin with rage]] anymore, and can be regarded as "normal."

==Staying straight==
''See [[Homos#Fear of being a homo|Fear of being a homo]]''

==Is Chris asexual?==
There is a possibility that Chris is asexual, and only emphasizes his being STRAIGHT due to the overwhelming portrayal in the media of men being sexually active and heterosexual. This could also explain some of his twisted views regarding sex and romance. He genuinely could not understand the appeal of most sexual activity, and just "goes through the motions." This would also explain why it appears as if he's uncontrollably horny all the time, as being fixated on sex with females means he's a straight adult. He also seems to have the perception that sex is a rite of passage, and that you cannot be regarded as an adult until you lose your virginity.

*He started his search for love at 21, an age when most men have already had sex/or a girlfriend.

* He has the idea he must "maintain" his straightness, much like how he must regularly change the oil in the [[Son-Chu|Sonichu-mobile]]. While it could be that he is gay deep down inside, it can also be argued that he has no major sexual compulsions of any kind, and is just trying to induce them through [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|external sources]]. Why else would he have to try so hard?

* According to himself, Chris only masturbates twice a week, and states that it's only to keep his "[[Mass debating#Frequency|hormones under control]]," while most men masturbate daily, sometimes more (though this could be because he's so out of shape that [[Chris and health#Exercise|the act of masturbation tires him out]]).

* Chris did not discover masturbation until the age of 16, while most men figure it out once they hit puberty (around 11). Which would mean that either he had no libido or sexual interest in girls... or he's too stupid to figure out how to diddle himself. 16 was also the age where he pretty much discovered sex, not through physical sensation, but through an external source, in this case HBO's softcore films.

* Chris's interest in finding a [[sweetheart]] appears to have been spurred on by a desire for companionship, as opposed to a desire for a sexual relationship. This is supported by his constant emphasis on being "lonely," as well as requiring his heartsweet to be "caring and compassionate" (which is both ironic and stupid, as he wouldn't be able to reciprocate any companionship received, and who would want to be in a relationship with someone who ''isn't'' "caring and compassionate"?).

* Going with the above, in the ''[[Story of My Love Quest Days]]'', Christian states that he does not want a girlfriend for "hanky panky" but instead: "I need a Girlfriend, ''Solely'' for LOVE and TRUST!" [Emphasis added] Then again, this could just be his attempt at looking gentlemanly, and totally ''not'' perverted and sexist.

* While his creepy attempts at touching/kissing [[Megan]] and [[Emily|other]] [[Kacey|girls]] would indicate some form of sexuality, it could be part of his limited perception of what it means to be a sexually active adult, or just pure and simple attempts at being straight under the rationale that if he does this to a woman, this makes him not a homo. He's not trying to molest girls and chase them around with a sign out of sexual desire, but rather out of a desire to be seen as either "straight" and/or "adult".

However, some autistics simply do not understand sexual attraction (for example, [[high-functioning autistic]] and hugbox inventor [[Wikipedia:Temple Grandin|Temple Grandin]] chooses to be celibate because she admits that she really does not understand sexual attraction and that she lacks the ability, as a consequence of her autism, to engage in a sexual relationship). It's possible that Chris genuinely does not understand why two people would want to get together and have sexual intercourse, aside from the fact he's seen people in the media do it and that he thinks that sex is a rite of passage to becoming a [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles|big boy]]. He hasn't grasped (and probably never will) that adulthood also involves such things as moving out, getting a job, and not sitting in one's room waiting for [[Monthly tugboat|Mommy Government]] to hand one everything.

When asked about it in the [[Mailbag 26#Chris and asexuality|mailbag]], Chris clarifies that he "[gets] an ERECTION when [he sees] WOMEN STRIPPING, or are already NAKED." The letter in question didn't actually ask whether or not Chris himself is asexual, but rather his opinion on asexual people.

Recently, Chris has taken to using the word asexual as an insult. In his CWCipedia page on [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)|The Wallflower]], he refers to her as a "Got-Dang Asexual Woman!". He also became very offended when Jackie implied that he liked video games more than women, ranting that she should [[Jackie e-mails Part 3|not label him as asexual]] (and misses her point completely). It is now possible that Chris finds asexual people to be as bad as homosexuals, judging by both remarks (not to mention he aforementioned disdain from the mailbag responses).

==Pedophilia==
{{main|Pedofork}}

==Is Chris a furry?==
Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a furry is still debated, with people arguing that he doesn't participate in the furry community, and probably only draws furry porn because he is a creature of habit and is more used to drawing furry porn than human porn. There have been some exceptions (namely [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] and [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]]), but nearly all Rule 34s he has drawn depict some furry creatures having sex. He has also admitted to being aroused by said drawings<ref>[7:17:25] '''Sarah May''': Did you feel sexually aroused when you drew them? [7:17:34] '''Christopher C.W.C.''': a bit. </ref>. Chris has also used his hedgehog fursona while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref>CWC Cums for a Cat</ref> In the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. He most likely doesn't know what a furry is. However, it has been confirmed by [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] that Chris has [[Chris and tolerance|prejudice]] against furries, not because of who they are, but because many furries tend to be [[homos]]{{cite}}.

Another possible theory is, since Chris seems unable to mention the basic terms describing sexual action (see "china," "duck," etc.), the use of fursonas allows him to present sexual material in a cartoony, rather than realistic, fashion. This is possibly necessary for him given his childish understanding of the world and incapability to use big boy words to refer to adult matters.

==Bestiality==
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris in [[IRC (27 December 2008)]]}}

In his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against bestiality, then hoists himself by his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form (this would support the furry argument). Technically, this isn't bestiality. They're animals having sex with each other, not humans having sex with animals. Chris, however, is a man, or more properly a man-child, masturbating while drawing pictures of animals having sex with each other. That ain't normal.

Chris has also suggested that Brian from ''[[Family Guy]]'' be paired up with "any sexy breed" of dog.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy#Story_of_the_CWC_Episode_for_.22Family_Guy.22 Family Guy Article on the CWCipedia]</ref> It is unknown what qualities and traits he considers "sexy" for a dog.

==Prostitution==
{{quote|"In my sarch[sic] on Craigslist, the ONLY women who left a phone number on their Ad were under "Adult Services", which they would have wanted money. I tried calling one, learned she wanted a hundred, then in the middle of telling my story about Jack and my PSN account recovery with a Sex video, she hung up on me. :("|Chris, wasting a prostitute's time{{cite}}}}

While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked PlayStation Network accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life to try and gain sympathy. He was genuinely shocked when she didn't offer to fuck him out of pity, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, [[Brian Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a Virgin with Rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]]. Chris [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|attempted]] to get [[the Wallflower]] to have sex with him on the grounds that a prostitute would cost too much. Spending hundreds of dollars of taxpayer money on video games is fine, but a prostitute to take his virginity is "too much".

==Incest==
{{incomplete}}

[[Crystal Weston Chandler|Crystal]], his imaginary twin sister, has appeared as a "girlfriend" card he made for Yu-Gi-Oh, and her attractiveness and desirability are brought up several times in the Sonichu comics well after being established as Chris's twin. She's even the damsel in distress he rescues (anticlimactically) from the forces of evil like a love interest, while Chris's supposed real love interests all died hideous deaths. Chris has shown complete ignorance in matters incestuous before; his Sonichus are all related, but many of them are paired off with one-another, banging and even [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|having kids]]. Being an only child, he has no experience with filial relationships, and autism ensures he has no inkling of what it entails. He didn't even know the word, let alone, the concept, of "incest" until someone mentioned and explained it to him over Mumble. He has trouble contemplating why incest is wrong when to him, china is china. Only brother-brother incest is wrong because it is homosexual in nature. He doesn't understand why sister-sister incest would be bad, because it involves girl-on-girl. He can't empathize with the parties involved, and only sees it in terms of how disgusting ''for him'' it would be to watch.

Factor in that Chris is uncomfortably close with his mother and things start to get a little eerie. As has been mentioned before, Chris's ideal sister, wife, and daughter are essentially the same person, often described as "a mommy he can fuck." Since Chrissy ain't precisely what you'd call a master of subtext, even if he's not into incest the feel of it has suffused the comics and his life quite thoroughly.

tl;dr: If he were alive today, Freud would have renamed the "Oedipus complex" to the "CWC complex" instead.

==Rape==
{{main|Chris and rape}}

==See also==
*[[Homos]]
*[[Women's rights]]
*[[Semen]]
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Chris and his ego]]
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

PS3

2010-08-09T19:52:21Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Molestations and other PS3 damage */

{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:Sony playstation 3.jpg|thumb|A life upgrade.]]

Chris's [[Sony]] '''PlayStation 3''' ("purchased 17 March [[2006]]<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref>" which technically isn't possible, because the PS3 wouldn't be released until November that year) is his "life upgrade." He wanted to win one in a contest, so he made [[Pixelated PS3|a video]] where he built one out of [[Pixelblocks]]. He would "throw out the cure for [[autism]]" for one.<ref>[[Pixelated PS3]]</ref> He eventually went ahead and bought one with taxpayer money from his [[monthly tugboat]], using one of his many collected credit cards.

==PlayStation Network==
[[Image:Etc playstation.PNG|thumb|Confirmation emails, a testament to Chris' financial responsibility.]]

[[Chris]], being as irresponsible with [[Chris and money|money]] as he is, went into overdrive with this feature of the PS3's [[online]] capabilities. Chris has spent so much on the PSN it has contributed into most of the $2000 of his credit card debt (although this was during the [[Julie]] Saga). As of now that number is higher, at a little over a third of Chris's [[Monthly tugboat|annual income]].

You might ask yourself how he could spend that much and what he could spend it on. Chris seemingly buys everything possible, from game content to movies to several episodes of terrible harem [[anime]]. A list of Chris's PSN purchases reveals that he has even bought upgrades to games he doesn't even own.

As of the end of 2009 and the beginning of 2010, Chris's PSN purchases are growing: in several months during this time frame, Chris spent more than $200 each month on the PSN.

As of February 2010, Chris has currently spent: '''$3405.22'''

=== Trophies ===

According to the [http://profiles.us.playstation.com/playstation/psn/profiles/Sonichu PSN profile for Sonichu], as of 26 July 2010, Chris has 1096 trophies. ''Note: Availability of Sonichu's trophy information is dependent on the proper functioning of the PlayStation Network. Information is not updated in real time.''

The games where he has over 50% progress so far include:

{| class="wikitable sortable"
|-
!align="left"|Game
!align="left"|Trophies
!align="left"|Progress
!align="left"|Comments
|-
| ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''
| 70
| 100%
| And he still can't coordinate his jumps, or design a good level.
|-
| ''inFamous''
| 50
| 100%
| A man dressed in yellow that shoots electricity? [[Sonichu|Hmmmmm...]]
|-
|''[[God of War]] III''
|36
|100%
|All that blood and gore couldn't stop Chris from grabbing all the trophies and deity boobies.
|-
|''God of War II''
|35
|100%
| From the God of War Collection.
|-
| ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]]'s Ultimate Genesis Collection''
| 35
| 100%
| Another case of redundancy for most of the included games, especially the Sonic ones.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Linger In Shadows|Linger In Shadows]]''
| 16
| 100%
| Apparently, a demoscene production. ''Not'' remarkable. Most people already had 1000 gamerscore in ''[[wikipedia:Second Reality|Second Reality]]''. In 1993.
|-
| ''Flower''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 1: The Penal Zone''
| 13
| 100%
|
|-
| Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse -Episode 2: the Tomb of Sammun Mak
|12
|100%
|
|-
|Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse-Episode 3: They Stole Max's brain
|10
|100%
|-
|Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse-Episode 4: Beyond the Alley of the Dolls
|11
|100%
|
|-
| ''Wheel of Fortune''
| 13
| 100%
| Truly, the apex of hi-def gaming.
|-
| ''Gunstar Heroes''
| 12
| 100%
| Chris may have got 100% in Gunstar Heroes, but IRL he's a total zero.
|-
| ''Buzz! Junior: Monsters''
| 11
| 100%
| "Junior" says it all.
|-
| ''Buzz! Junior: RoboJam''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:.detuned|.detuned]]''
| 10
| 100%
| Another demoscene production. Again, we'd allege that Chris wouldn't get too far in Farbrausch's more famous interactive entertainment prod ''.kkrieger'' - not to even mention the largely .famous ''.the .product'', dammit!
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Mainichi Issho|Mainichi Issho]]''
| 7
| 100%
| A Japan-only release. Apparently just like ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', only more boring and even bigger of a grindfest.
|-
| ''Frogger Returns''
| 4
| 100%
| ''One hundred percen—!'' ...Oh, it's four trophies for four levels.
|-
| ''Burnout Paradise''
| 93
| 91%
| It has cars. They can be driven. Chris thinks this game is up there among greatest games ever made, with likes of ''The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time''.<ref>[[Brutal Legend Plus]]</ref>
|-
| ''Braid''
| 11
| 89%
| A game about a man who alters [[Time Void|time]] to rescue his [[sweetheart]]. Note that the end of the game reveals the main character to be a [[Christian Weston Chandler|stalker]]. It is, however, worth noting that Braid is a puzzle game, and not a simple one to play either, yet he still fully completed the game. This is perhaps the most definite proof that Chris isn't mentally retarded (or, at least, he knows how to use GameFAQs).
|-
| [[ModNation Racers]]
|46
|82%
|A driving game that chris is terrible at. The levels that Chris have made so far are simply bad. In 500 online races Chris has only won 100; that shows Chris's skills.
|-
|''God of War''
|33
|82%
| Most of the trophies are simply earned by progressing through the game normally. The trophies he lacks are the ones that require you to complete actual challenges or completing the game in under 5 hours.
|-
| The Price Is Right
|11
|76%
| Another real [[sonichu|masterpiece]] of hi-def gaming
|-
| ''Sonic Unleashed''
| 37
| 75%
| Due to the trophy data not visible to the public and people reporting hearsay as fact, a lot of people were under assumption that Chris had 100% of the trophies in ''Sonic 2006'' (which doesn't even have trophies). Now, we're equally perplexed by the fact that Chris has ''only'' 75% of trophies in a bona-fide 3D Sonic title.
|-
| ''[[Brutal Legend Plus|Brütal Legend]]''
| 46
| 74%
| \m/ [[Britney Spears]]! \m/
|-
| ''Penny Arcade Adventures: OtRSPoD, Episode One''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''Penny Arcade Adventures: OtRSPoD, Episode Two''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''Noby Noby Boy''
| 9
| 71%
|-
| NUMBLAST
|10
|71%
|NUMBLAST is a [[homos|colourful]] japanese puzzle game
|-
| ''Heavy Rain''
| 43
| 65%
| Chris's trophies for this game are largely the ones achieved through rote button-pressing, not the ones that require actual exploration or puzzle-solving skill.
|-
| ''Buzz!: Quiz TV''
| 16
| 61%
| The first of the ''Buzz!'' games to appear on PS3. See also Chris's [[Quizzes]] for his MyBUZZ! stuff.
|-
| ''[[Emily_Date_Conversation_Transcript#Meet_the_Pickle_.2801:21:44_-_01:25:29.29|Watchmen]]''
| 8
| 57%
|
|-
| ''UNO''
| 10
| 52%
| Seriously?
|}

Comparing to the [[List of Chris's games|list of games he owns]], there's a bunch of them that he hasn't even booted up a single time. There are some games he has touched maybe once and then left to the wayside; for example, all of his ''BioShock'' trophies are from the beginning of the game, and he received all of them on October 23, 2008, over a couple of hours. (The logical conclusion is that the second level of ''BioShock'' will ''blow your mind.'') In public, he has also prominently featured games he has never really played; the [[PS3 History Level]] shows many games that he has touched only a few times (''Mirror's Edge'' and ''BioShock'', for example, currently sit at 11% and 9% respectively), and in [[PS3 Tutorial for my fans|the PS3 tutorial]], Chris says he thinks ''PAIN'' is a "fun" game, yet he lets it sit at 0%.

=== Hacking ===

As a result of his online notoriety, his poor choice of passwords, and his innate gullibility, Chris’s PlayStation Network account has been hacked or otherwise wrested from his control on multiple occasions. [[BlueSpike]], in his guise as Chris’s sweetheart [[Julie]], was able to convince Chris to break the first fundamental rule of cybersecurity and "share" his password in [[BlueSpike_PSN_Chat_3|February 2009]], which was later used as a wedge to control and torment Chris. That summer, [[Jack Thaddeus]] seized the account, resulting in the infamous [[Chris humps his PS3|eight minutes of console sex]] and detailed revelations concerning Chris’s insane online spending habits.

Chris managed to keep control of his accounts for a surprisingly long time after his run-in with Thaddeus, but his luck ran out on 24 [[February 2010]], thanks to [[Surfshack Tito|a certain <s>nigger</s> Hawaiian]].

==Fanboyism==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|ws9MqtHzcz4}}</center>

{{quote|So… good reason to get a PlayStation 3 system… of at least 60 GB or higher! 'Cause, uh, y'know, they have four USB ports, the memory card slots, and able to access the Internet wirelessly. While 40 GB and lower: two USB ports, no memory card slots, and requires an Ethernet cable to connect to the Internet. And… LittleBigPlanet! And as you all know from my sponsorship video, ev— most of the videos I put up on YouTube were spon— were sponsored by Sony, and their PlayStation Eye, and their PlayStation 3.|[[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008|Chris failing to tell us what the "good reason" is]]}}
{{quote|And yet, at the beginning, during the "Console War", I feel that I have chosen Truly Wise. Sony has truly helped this soul better his life, and many others as well. And with every new update, the PS3 and PSP grow more and more better alongside me. Playstaion isn't just a Station to Play, it's the station to Play and Truly Enrich Yourself. Higher Definition equals Better Points of View. Talking over the internet from a sancturious comfort is truly an enriching luxury. Now I have put behind me my regrets of Life without Playstation. And with Priceless Experiences, an honest sense of satisfaction. And a more mature winning attitude. Sony's Playstation 3 and Playstation Portable are Truly a place I can call... My Digital HOME. :D Happy Anniversary, Playstation 3; you are Truly the Best Life Upgrade Ever|Chris, fellating the faceless angel of overpriced electronics in [[PS3 History Level]] speech bubbles}}

[[Image:Playstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG|thumb|right|[[Son-Chu]] camped outside a Playstation Cave]]
Chris pops giant boners for PS3. He makes trolls on /v/ look like mild enthusiasts with his hatred of the [[Hex Bawx]].

==Molestations and other PS3 damage==

On 24 [[July 2009]], a video of [[Chris humps his PS3|Chris humping his PS3]] was leaked. It is generally believed that physically molesting electronics may often shorten their lifespan; hard drives and optical drives are particularly prone to breaking under such physical [[stress]].

On 5 [[May 2010]], Chris [[I Pimp My Ride|posted a video]] in which he bragged about removing a "bug" from his PS3, thanks to a [[white knight]] who tipped him off. While Chris did apparently understand that the component was actually the system's wireless networking antenna, he removed it anyway. It seems to have had no effect on his ability connect his PS3 to the internet, indicating that he either uses a wired ethernet connection or he realized how fucked he was and put it back in place.

==Other oddities==

Chris appears to have put at least some of the games he has bought in blue Blu-Ray cases instead of keeping them in original retail cases.<ref>Seen, for example, in [[Brutal Legend]].</ref> He even does so in ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' advertisement. This peculiar practice is explained in Chris's [[PS3 History Level]]: Chris buys Blu-Ray game cases from eBay and switches them over because "It's THINNER than the Clear Original PS3 Disc Cases; MORE SHELF SPACE for MORE GAMES."

==See also==
*[[Chris-chan Discusses...]] - A video interview with Chris conducted over the PS3's video chat service.
*[[List of Chris's games]] - detailing his entire game collection.
*[[List of Chris's PSN video downloads]]
*[[List of Chris's PSN game downloads]]
*[[Pixelated PS3]] - Chris attempt to build one from [[Lego]] and [[Pixelblocks]].
*[[PS3 History Level]]
*[[PSEye]]
*[[PSP]]
*[[PSN Blogs]] - an archive of Chris's posts.
*[[Sonichu Home Club]] - because Chris loves Sony so much, he uses their ''Second Life'' ripoff.
*[[Sony]]
*[[Hex Bawx|Xbox 360]] - the Kryptonite of Chris's video gaming.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3WQ3QiJMWU Boyfriend-Free PS3]

[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Sony]]
[[Category:PS3]]

PS3

2010-08-09T19:50:20Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Hacking */

{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:Sony playstation 3.jpg|thumb|A life upgrade.]]

Chris's [[Sony]] '''PlayStation 3''' ("purchased 17 March [[2006]]<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref>" which technically isn't possible, because the PS3 wouldn't be released until November that year) is his "life upgrade." He wanted to win one in a contest, so he made [[Pixelated PS3|a video]] where he built one out of [[Pixelblocks]]. He would "throw out the cure for [[autism]]" for one.<ref>[[Pixelated PS3]]</ref> He eventually went ahead and bought one with taxpayer money from his [[monthly tugboat]], using one of his many collected credit cards.

==PlayStation Network==
[[Image:Etc playstation.PNG|thumb|Confirmation emails, a testament to Chris' financial responsibility.]]

[[Chris]], being as irresponsible with [[Chris and money|money]] as he is, went into overdrive with this feature of the PS3's [[online]] capabilities. Chris has spent so much on the PSN it has contributed into most of the $2000 of his credit card debt (although this was during the [[Julie]] Saga). As of now that number is higher, at a little over a third of Chris's [[Monthly tugboat|annual income]].

You might ask yourself how he could spend that much and what he could spend it on. Chris seemingly buys everything possible, from game content to movies to several episodes of terrible harem [[anime]]. A list of Chris's PSN purchases reveals that he has even bought upgrades to games he doesn't even own.

As of the end of 2009 and the beginning of 2010, Chris's PSN purchases are growing: in several months during this time frame, Chris spent more than $200 each month on the PSN.

As of February 2010, Chris has currently spent: '''$3405.22'''

=== Trophies ===

According to the [http://profiles.us.playstation.com/playstation/psn/profiles/Sonichu PSN profile for Sonichu], as of 26 July 2010, Chris has 1096 trophies. ''Note: Availability of Sonichu's trophy information is dependent on the proper functioning of the PlayStation Network. Information is not updated in real time.''

The games where he has over 50% progress so far include:

{| class="wikitable sortable"
|-
!align="left"|Game
!align="left"|Trophies
!align="left"|Progress
!align="left"|Comments
|-
| ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''
| 70
| 100%
| And he still can't coordinate his jumps, or design a good level.
|-
| ''inFamous''
| 50
| 100%
| A man dressed in yellow that shoots electricity? [[Sonichu|Hmmmmm...]]
|-
|''[[God of War]] III''
|36
|100%
|All that blood and gore couldn't stop Chris from grabbing all the trophies and deity boobies.
|-
|''God of War II''
|35
|100%
| From the God of War Collection.
|-
| ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]]'s Ultimate Genesis Collection''
| 35
| 100%
| Another case of redundancy for most of the included games, especially the Sonic ones.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Linger In Shadows|Linger In Shadows]]''
| 16
| 100%
| Apparently, a demoscene production. ''Not'' remarkable. Most people already had 1000 gamerscore in ''[[wikipedia:Second Reality|Second Reality]]''. In 1993.
|-
| ''Flower''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 1: The Penal Zone''
| 13
| 100%
|
|-
| Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse -Episode 2: the Tomb of Sammun Mak
|12
|100%
|
|-
|Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse-Episode 3: They Stole Max's brain
|10
|100%
|-
|Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse-Episode 4: Beyond the Alley of the Dolls
|11
|100%
|
|-
| ''Wheel of Fortune''
| 13
| 100%
| Truly, the apex of hi-def gaming.
|-
| ''Gunstar Heroes''
| 12
| 100%
| Chris may have got 100% in Gunstar Heroes, but IRL he's a total zero.
|-
| ''Buzz! Junior: Monsters''
| 11
| 100%
| "Junior" says it all.
|-
| ''Buzz! Junior: RoboJam''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:.detuned|.detuned]]''
| 10
| 100%
| Another demoscene production. Again, we'd allege that Chris wouldn't get too far in Farbrausch's more famous interactive entertainment prod ''.kkrieger'' - not to even mention the largely .famous ''.the .product'', dammit!
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Mainichi Issho|Mainichi Issho]]''
| 7
| 100%
| A Japan-only release. Apparently just like ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', only more boring and even bigger of a grindfest.
|-
| ''Frogger Returns''
| 4
| 100%
| ''One hundred percen—!'' ...Oh, it's four trophies for four levels.
|-
| ''Burnout Paradise''
| 93
| 91%
| It has cars. They can be driven. Chris thinks this game is up there among greatest games ever made, with likes of ''The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time''.<ref>[[Brutal Legend Plus]]</ref>
|-
| ''Braid''
| 11
| 89%
| A game about a man who alters [[Time Void|time]] to rescue his [[sweetheart]]. Note that the end of the game reveals the main character to be a [[Christian Weston Chandler|stalker]]. It is, however, worth noting that Braid is a puzzle game, and not a simple one to play either, yet he still fully completed the game. This is perhaps the most definite proof that Chris isn't mentally retarded (or, at least, he knows how to use GameFAQs).
|-
| [[ModNation Racers]]
|46
|82%
|A driving game that chris is terrible at. The levels that Chris have made so far are simply bad. In 500 online races Chris has only won 100; that shows Chris's skills.
|-
|''God of War''
|33
|82%
| Most of the trophies are simply earned by progressing through the game normally. The trophies he lacks are the ones that require you to complete actual challenges or completing the game in under 5 hours.
|-
| The Price Is Right
|11
|76%
| Another real [[sonichu|masterpiece]] of hi-def gaming
|-
| ''Sonic Unleashed''
| 37
| 75%
| Due to the trophy data not visible to the public and people reporting hearsay as fact, a lot of people were under assumption that Chris had 100% of the trophies in ''Sonic 2006'' (which doesn't even have trophies). Now, we're equally perplexed by the fact that Chris has ''only'' 75% of trophies in a bona-fide 3D Sonic title.
|-
| ''[[Brutal Legend Plus|Brütal Legend]]''
| 46
| 74%
| \m/ [[Britney Spears]]! \m/
|-
| ''Penny Arcade Adventures: OtRSPoD, Episode One''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''Penny Arcade Adventures: OtRSPoD, Episode Two''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''Noby Noby Boy''
| 9
| 71%
|-
| NUMBLAST
|10
|71%
|NUMBLAST is a [[homos|colourful]] japanese puzzle game
|-
| ''Heavy Rain''
| 43
| 65%
| Chris's trophies for this game are largely the ones achieved through rote button-pressing, not the ones that require actual exploration or puzzle-solving skill.
|-
| ''Buzz!: Quiz TV''
| 16
| 61%
| The first of the ''Buzz!'' games to appear on PS3. See also Chris's [[Quizzes]] for his MyBUZZ! stuff.
|-
| ''[[Emily_Date_Conversation_Transcript#Meet_the_Pickle_.2801:21:44_-_01:25:29.29|Watchmen]]''
| 8
| 57%
|
|-
| ''UNO''
| 10
| 52%
| Seriously?
|}

Comparing to the [[List of Chris's games|list of games he owns]], there's a bunch of them that he hasn't even booted up a single time. There are some games he has touched maybe once and then left to the wayside; for example, all of his ''BioShock'' trophies are from the beginning of the game, and he received all of them on October 23, 2008, over a couple of hours. (The logical conclusion is that the second level of ''BioShock'' will ''blow your mind.'') In public, he has also prominently featured games he has never really played; the [[PS3 History Level]] shows many games that he has touched only a few times (''Mirror's Edge'' and ''BioShock'', for example, currently sit at 11% and 9% respectively), and in [[PS3 Tutorial for my fans|the PS3 tutorial]], Chris says he thinks ''PAIN'' is a "fun" game, yet he lets it sit at 0%.

=== Hacking ===

As a result of his online notoriety, his poor choice of passwords, and his innate gullibility, Chris’s PlayStation Network account has been hacked or otherwise wrested from his control on multiple occasions. [[BlueSpike]], in his guise as Chris’s sweetheart [[Julie]], was able to convince Chris to break the first fundamental rule of cybersecurity and "share" his password in [[BlueSpike_PSN_Chat_3|February 2009]], which was later used as a wedge to control and torment Chris. That summer, [[Jack Thaddeus]] seized the account, resulting in the infamous [[Chris humps his PS3|eight minutes of console sex]] and detailed revelations concerning Chris’s insane online spending habits.

Chris managed to keep control of his accounts for a surprisingly long time after his run-in with Thaddeus, but his luck ran out on 24 [[February 2010]], thanks to [[Surfshack Tito|a certain <s>nigger</s> Hawaiian]].

==Fanboyism==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|ws9MqtHzcz4}}</center>

{{quote|So… good reason to get a PlayStation 3 system… of at least 60 GB or higher! 'Cause, uh, y'know, they have four USB ports, the memory card slots, and able to access the Internet wirelessly. While 40 GB and lower: two USB ports, no memory card slots, and requires an Ethernet cable to connect to the Internet. And… LittleBigPlanet! And as you all know from my sponsorship video, ev— most of the videos I put up on YouTube were spon— were sponsored by Sony, and their PlayStation Eye, and their PlayStation 3.|[[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008|Chris failing to tell us what the "good reason" is]]}}
{{quote|And yet, at the beginning, during the "Console War", I feel that I have chosen Truly Wise. Sony has truly helped this soul better his life, and many others as well. And with every new update, the PS3 and PSP grow more and more better alongside me. Playstaion isn't just a Station to Play, it's the station to Play and Truly Enrich Yourself. Higher Definition equals Better Points of View. Talking over the internet from a sancturious comfort is truly an enriching luxury. Now I have put behind me my regrets of Life without Playstation. And with Priceless Experiences, an honest sense of satisfaction. And a more mature winning attitude. Sony's Playstation 3 and Playstation Portable are Truly a place I can call... My Digital HOME. :D Happy Anniversary, Playstation 3; you are Truly the Best Life Upgrade Ever|Chris, fellating the faceless angel of overpriced electronics in [[PS3 History Level]] speech bubbles}}

[[Image:Playstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG|thumb|right|[[Son-Chu]] camped outside a Playstation Cave]]
Chris pops giant boners for PS3. He makes trolls on /v/ look like mild enthusiasts with his hatred of the [[Hex Bawx]].

==Molestations and other PS3 damage==

On 24 [[July 2009]], a video of [[Chris humps his PS3|Chris humping his PS3]] was leaked. It is generally believed that physically molesting electronics may often shorten their lifespan; hard drives and optical drives are particularly prone to breaking under such physical stress.

On 5 [[May 2010]], Chris [[I Pimp My Ride|posted a video]] in which he bragged about removing a "bug" from his PS3, thanks to a [[white knight]] who tipped him off. While Chris did apparently understand that the component was actually the system's wireless networking antenna, he removed it anyway. It seems to have had no effect on his ability connect his PS3 to the internet, indicating that he either uses a wired ethernet connection or he realized how fucked he was and put it back in place.

==Other oddities==

Chris appears to have put at least some of the games he has bought in blue Blu-Ray cases instead of keeping them in original retail cases.<ref>Seen, for example, in [[Brutal Legend]].</ref> He even does so in ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' advertisement. This peculiar practice is explained in Chris's [[PS3 History Level]]: Chris buys Blu-Ray game cases from eBay and switches them over because "It's THINNER than the Clear Original PS3 Disc Cases; MORE SHELF SPACE for MORE GAMES."

==See also==
*[[Chris-chan Discusses...]] - A video interview with Chris conducted over the PS3's video chat service.
*[[List of Chris's games]] - detailing his entire game collection.
*[[List of Chris's PSN video downloads]]
*[[List of Chris's PSN game downloads]]
*[[Pixelated PS3]] - Chris attempt to build one from [[Lego]] and [[Pixelblocks]].
*[[PS3 History Level]]
*[[PSEye]]
*[[PSP]]
*[[PSN Blogs]] - an archive of Chris's posts.
*[[Sonichu Home Club]] - because Chris loves Sony so much, he uses their ''Second Life'' ripoff.
*[[Sony]]
*[[Hex Bawx|Xbox 360]] - the Kryptonite of Chris's video gaming.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3WQ3QiJMWU Boyfriend-Free PS3]

[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Sony]]
[[Category:PS3]]

Chris and writing

2010-08-07T23:58:21Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Chris's reading habits */

[[Image:395-HowThePKMNCame.jpg|thumb|right|[[Audiobooks|Look at that cover, goddamn]]]]

[[Chris]]'s '''writing''' is marked by many flaws that have persisted throughout his creative output.

== General problems ==
: ''See also: [[Chris and art]], [[Sonichu (comic)]]''

Chris's writing shows a juvenile, [[Slow-in-the-minds|simple]] writing style. Like many elementary school kids, Chris frequently pauses from the action to [[Autism|describe exactly what a character is wearing]] and [[Sonichu 8|expound upon trivial aspects of characters]] in unnecessary detail. This is counterbalanced by frequently [[Evan|glossing over things]] that may [[Sonichu Balls|have relevance at some point]]. Sometimes Chris would interrupt an action scene to introduce something that is [[Sonichu Balls|completely irrelevant]] to its [[jerkop|context]]<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_44 Issue 0 Page 44]</ref>. Its overall presentation is consistently sloppy, marked by unwieldy turns of phrase and elementary typographical errors that suggest that Chris does not proofread anything he creates before putting it on the Internet.

Chris produces no preparatory writing of any sort for his stories, content to make them up as he goes along and putting the overall narrative at the mercy of his moods and fancies. He regularly changes his mind as to what the story should be and contradicts what has come before as he pleases, unable to comprehend why this would bother his audience.

As soon as Chris becomes uninterested in an idea he presents in his comic, he will resolve it in a quick and often unsatisfying manner. Characters once meant to enter the main cast, such as [[Ivy]], will then be killed off-panel so that Chris can proceed to his newest plotline of interest. Other narrative threads (such as [[Meg-chan]], [[Blanca]] or [[Jiggliami]]) can be forgotten and abandoned entirely. When Chris adds something to a Sonichu comic due to the pressure of another party, he is known to make these additions unsatisfying on purpose for the parties requesting them.

Chris's [[Chris and reality#Fantasy and Fiction|confused understanding]] of reality and fantasy affect his ability to write captivating fiction. Because Chris considers his creations to be "alive" in some parallel universe, he finds that giving them artificially happy and uncomplicated lives is satisfying, and assumes that his [[True and Loyal Fanbase|TRUE and LOYAL fanbase]] shares this interest. Chris seeks to avoid tension or suspense that would trouble his creations and his intended audience wherever possible. Thus, he is unwilling to depict his characters in peril that is convincing, and therefore, "real," and wants to pair them off early and dwell on their long, idyllic romances. His devotion to this thinking is such that in [[Sonichu 10]], Magi-Chan broke the fourth wall to prematurely reveal that he would eventually fall in love with Silvana, presumably so that readers would not have to worry about what would happen to them in the meantime.

=== Exposition ===
{{quote|Fifteen minutes of dialogue, and transformation, later...|[[Sonichu 9|Chris, not even trying anymore]]}}

As a writer, Chris is over-reliant upon exposition, to the point that some works (such as [[The High School Story]]) contain nothing else. Chris does not like to illustrate facts of his stories through example, and instead expects the reader to accept his every word as gospel, leaving no room for interpretations that are not [[TRUE and HONEST]]. Confusing dialogue for exposition, Chris believes that his level of exposition is normal in mainstream comics.<ref>[[Mailbag 19#Textwalling|Mailbag 19]]</ref>

In addition, Chris critically fails at the literary element "show don't tell" even in illustrated action scenes, choosing instead to describe what a character is doing between two asterisks. (The worst offenders are *CUTS VINES*, *CRASH TO GRASS*<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_52 Issue 9 Page 52]</ref> and *TELEPORTS IN*.) Apparently even he knows that his shit art is too unclear to convey an idea properly without an additional description. Interestingly enough, this kind of description has been used by others, famous of them being "Amerimanga" artist [[Wikipedia:Ben Dunn|Ben Dunn]] (creator of "Ninja High School" and the Marvel Mangaverse line) and popular troll target David Gonterman. And seeing as Gonterman most likely got his usage from it from Dunn's work, it wouldn't be a surprise if Chris ripped it off from Gonterman.

[[File:SchuComic1.jpg|thumb|right|[[Mary Lee Walsh]] threatens Chris and Sonichu with a "Hee Hee" attack, which most military analysts seem to agree is ''not'' a particularly potent or spine-chilling threat. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], however, is widely believed to destroy everything.]]

=== Characterization ===
: ''See also: [[Chris and art#Character design|Character design]]''

Chris's characters as they are written are distinguishable only by the vaguest surface elements. Chris's view of ideal personalities in men and women is clear to him, and because he wants all of his creations to be perfect, his characters are barely-distinct variations on a theme. Chris does not comprehend the appeal of characters with flaws. His main response to the criticism that his characters lack personality is denial.

The indistinct characterizations of the Sonichu cast are reflected in their dialogue. Chris does not use dialogue to suggest distinct personalities and worldviews. All characters are equally capable of speaking as Chris does, and from Chris's perspective. [[Sandy|Including]] [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|children]].

Consequentially, any attempt at character development fails miserably. Chris marks any change in character by indicating in exposition something akin to "it just happened." With [[Blake]], who arguably goes through the most stark change in character (an antagonist becoming a supporting character), there is absolutely no moral struggle or any build-up to the moment he "flips." His sudden infatuation with [[Bubbles]] and an equally sudden mention of mistreatment at the hands of his [[Naitsirhc|master]] are all the reader is given for why Blake changed sides. No reason is given for [[Wes Iseli]]'s defection to the enemy ''at all''.

===Dialogue===
Chris only uses dialogue as an expository device in his comics in the bluntest fashion possible. Chris feels the need to include extensive amounts of dialogue in his comic, resulting in textwalls that demand type so small that they often threaten to become illegible. Textwalling is Chris's preferred method of dictating the story as he means for it to be experienced by his reader. Chris has defended this practice due to feeling a "preference to elaborate, because some people rarely get visual references."<ref>[[Mailbag 19#Textwalling]]</ref> On a similar note, speech often includes hand-drawn emoticons to display what the speaker is feeling, affirming the notion that Chris doesn't believe that his artwork alone can convey his ideas, in addition to his [[Autism|total ineptitude with emotions]].

=== Visual clarity ===
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|An example of Chris's mind-boggling ability to make a completely unreadable page]]
[[Image:SchuComic9P92.jpg|thumb|left|Holy balls, try reading ''this''.]]
[[IMage:MSCPython.jpg|thumb|right|Witty banter is considerably less funny when it's blatantly ripped off ''and'' you have to follow the numbers.]]

Like many children, Chris is unconcerned with making his comics clear and easily read. Chris does not plan page layouts in advance, and instead draws panels one at a time, cramming however many he can onto the page and further harming his comic's visual clarity. He does not understand that word balloons and text boxes must be arranged left to right and top to bottom in the intended order in each panel, and that the panel's art must be set to accommodate that order. The dialogue flow in panels with multiple word balloons in Sonichu regularly must be pieced together from context clues by the reader. The worst example of this is seen below: Chris establishing a reading order by numbering lines of dialogue.

== Chris as a poet and lyricist ==
: ''See also: [[Chris and music]]''

{{quote| I’d lay her down caress her gently tickle her fancy; have her tickle my fancy, and give it to her with the learned lonely experience I’ve endured.|Chris, expertly stirring feelings of both mild disgust and confusion<ref>For My True Love, I Would…</ref>}}

In poem and lyric, Chris has a poor understanding of the anatomy of an appealing composition. He mistakes exceedingly saccharine language for romantic. He tends to incorporate rhyme for its own sake, often to the detriment of the song or poem's message. He also pads out gaps with [[random-access humor]] and [[I Love Lucy|curiously dated language]].

== Chris as a journalist ==
[[Image:199-newsdsh.jpg|left|thumb|"Yellow journalism" gone oh so horribly wrong]]

''[[Nintendo Power]]'' was a publication released by [[Nintendo]] about Nintendo products. It sought to inform video game enthusiasts anything they might want to know about Nintendo products, and how they should feel about them. It is easily Chris's single greatest journalistic influence. To this day, he seeks to plainly tell the masses what the truth is and how we should feel about it.

Chris's first notable work of journalism is his final project in high school, [[A Week With Christian Chandler]]. It is a prime example of Chris's understanding of [[Honesty|honesty]]: the only thing that could reflect poorly on him in his mind was the omission of any fact. Here it would seem that Chris is unwilling to massage the truth because he had yet to experience disapproval of peers that concerned him as the reactions of Internet trolls would later.

Chris's next journalistic effort came in college with [[Sonichu%27s News Dash]], which presumes that his person and daily life are of inherent reader interest.

== Chris as a blogger ==
Chris's blogging is a continuation of his "News Dash" mentioned above. In a way, Chris's first and most frequently updated blog was [[CWC's Sonichu Site!‎|his web page]], in which he posted "updates" about his goings-on. The site, however, was not in what most people would consider a blog format. Instead, Chris stuck new updates wherever he could find new space that day, resulting an erratic and bizarre page layout.

He has also experimented with conventional blog formats, and the results are only marginally easier to read.

To this date Chris has had several actual blogs:
*[[PSN Blogs]]
*[[The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog]]
*[[MySpace|A small MySpace Blog]]
*[[CWC Blog]], his current blog.
*[[Twitter]]

The location may change, but the [[Autism|style is consistent and unmistakable]]. This may be linked to Chris not knowing exactly the purpose of a blog. Ideally, you're publishing your opinions and [[Fail|experiences]] in a group setting, allowing constant meaningful communication. While Chris has no problems [[CWCipedia|sharing intimate details about his life]], he doesn't seem to get the communicative part. Blogs are just [[YouTube|another place]] for him to spew truth and [[honesty]].

Another, arguably more important fault is that '''Chris's blogs are fucking boring.''' Most bloggers realize that if you have to spew about your pathetic life, you'd better make it interesting. While Chris does release the occasional [[PSN Blogs#31 July 2007 16:37 — PaRappin Reviews of the Top 10!|laugh]], most entries are outright [[CWC Blog#24 August 2009|annoying]].

Arguably the most notable blog ever made by Chris was the infamous [[PSN Blogs#4 August 2007 — Adam Stackhouse!!!| Adam Stackhouse blog]]. Seething with [[anger]], Chris shows that — just like with [[Wikipedia]] — he doesn't want to contribute, but enforce his beliefs on anyone who will listen.

{{quote|In any case, I LOATHE Adam and his Sister for STEALING my one chance at taking my Sweet Gal-Friend to Seattle; it would have been terriffic. I might have even been able to change her outlook on not planning on having children (she and I are both virgins; although I am a FRUSTRATED, High-Functionally AUTISTIC, 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN. And I LOATHE Surybuchwald and Aprelewsky as well, because their MUSIC probably landed those [[JERKS]] in 2nd and 3rd.| Chris, demonstrating his able skills as net citizen}}

== Chris's reading habits ==

Anyone who wants to be a good writer must be well-read. It's one of the most natural ways to become acquainted with good style, the elements of a plot, and correct spelling. Chris's [[Chris and his ego|ego]] is so inflated that he thinks he can produce something [[Honor roll|brilliant]] with no effort whatsoever. The only books Chris has ever been seen reading are paperback ''Goosebumps'' novels which are notable only for their sheer mediocrity. Chris read these books, which were written for elementary schoolers, well into high school. During the [[Father Call]], Chris said that he read ''[[Wikipedia: To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]'' a month prior, which is almost certainly because it was assigned in [[Manchester High School|high school]]. This was almost instantly proven false when he confused it with ''Of Mice and Men'', another high school assignment.

== Tl;dr ==
Chris can't write for shit.

== See also ==
* [[Chris and art]]
* [[Chris and English]]
* [[R.L. Stine]]

== Sauces ==
<references/>

{{Writings}}
{{Sonichu}}
{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Mary Lee Walsh

2010-07-11T13:11:09Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Fan art */

{{quote|You're not gonna get a Girlfriend, this way or any way. [Fu fu fu!]|Mary Lee Walsh, quoted by Chris.}}

[[Image:Sonichu07-P38.jpg|thumb|Mary Lee Walsh, as she appears in the [[comic]] (and in [[Cwcipedia]]). Chris draws her tits almost as big as the fans do.]]

Lovingly referred to as a "bitch", "witch", "old hag", etc., '''Mary Lee Walsh''' was a proto-[[troll]] who thwarted [[Chris]]'s [[Love Quest]] by ripping up his [[Attraction Sign]] and suspending him from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. She is one of the most important people in Chris's history, as she is one of the few people who saw through Chris's [[autistic]] bullshit and tried to make him act like a normal human being.

The resulting conflict between Chris and Mary Lee affected Chris so profoundly that she became the sole focus of many early ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' [[Sub-Episodes]]. Even to this day, she is still the one of the chief villains in the ''Sonichu'' series, a significance that even [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Liquid Chris]] could never match. As such, she is revered and cherished among trolls for her actions, both in real life, and in Sonichu fiction. All hail the Dean!

By early 2009 Chris had begun to express a desire for reconciliation with Walsh, beginning with his [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retcon]] of the fictional Mary's name to the slightly less defamatory '''Slaweel Ryam'''. For the next several months Chris made conciliatory gestures, including a drawing sent to her house, to which she responded with a legal summons. Since then, Chris has accepted that Walsh will never be able to truly earn his forgiveness.

==Mary Lee Walsh in real life==
[[Image:MaryLeeWalsh-IRL.JPG|thumb|right|Contrary to how she is rendered in various media, Mary Lee Walsh is not very attractive in person.]]
Walsh is the Dean of Student Affairs at the PVCC and a member of the [[Virginia]] Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance ([http://www.vadv.org/secGetHelp/Directory%20of%20Services/campusprgms_p-z.html srsly]). In the past, Chris had been scolded by her for passing around photocopies of his "[[Sonichu's News Dash]]" newsletter, and she finally delivered the crushing blow when Chris was loitering with his usual [[sign|attraction sign]]. Walsh tore down his sign and told him that he would never get a girlfriend this way, or indeed at all.

Chris, being the narcissist he is, disregarded her warnings and continued to place ads for his "love quest" all over the PVCC campus. Walsh, most likely pissed off that this retard kept defying her authority, took Chris to her office to discuss the situation with him. After what Chris described as being "talked down...to RUDELY AND HOARSELY," he attacked her in a fit of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]]. This resulted in a year-long expulsion from PVCC. He was forced to take anger management classes and get psychiatric help before he was let back in.<ref name="wikipedia">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Enter_the_Wicked_Witch_of_the_Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens|User:ChrisChanSonichu]]</ref>

===Soul-crusher===

{{quote|So, as of August, [[2003|Y2K3]], I did [[autism|the most logical, sensible and inexpensive idea I could think of]], I made a simple [[sign]] that stated, "I am a 21-year old and Single Male Seeking and 18-21-year old SINGLE [[Gal-pal|FEMALE COMPANION]]", along with a basic description of qualities I felt were best suited, due to the fact that it describe MOST every [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend-Free]], 18-21year old Girl. Sadly though, not a single one even gave me a glanced, a momentary pause or even an excuse-making throat clearing to read the sign or give me the time of day. And the few who noticed... That EVIL WITCH OF THE [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PrivateVilla of Corrupted Citizens]], Mary Lee Walsh, a bunch of Non-Blue or [[Black]] impersonating [[Jerkops|JERKOPS]], [[Manajerks]] and every other (only a few total) son/daughter of a #@&*.. MOCKED ME AND EVEN CRUMBLED MY EFFORTS AND THREW THEM INTO MY FACE! IT WAS SERIOUS HEART-SHATTERING INSULTS LIKE THAT WHICH LITERALLY SHATTERED MY HEART TO ALMOST NOTHING AND MURDERED MY SOUL! Like as if I didn't already understand that [[Love]] Can't be Hurried; but they ALL left a HUGE IMPRESSION among the general population that having a [[Sweetheart]] was ILLEGAL IN VIRGINIA thus, "[[Virginia is for Virgins|VIRGINIA IS FOR VIRGINS]], NOT LOVERS!" was what I had thought for a long time with the Dark Forces that were forced into me, bedding with my torturing past with the [[jerks]] of the [[Greene County]] School System during the childhood years of my life. Thank [[GodJesus|God]] for blessing me with many happy years at [[Providence Middle School]] and [[Manchester High School]] in Chesterfield; rounding my feelings and attitude out for today.|Chris being butthurt}}

===Emails with Mary===
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''Sent: Sunday, February 01, 2004 1:22 PM''' 
'''To: mwalsh@pvcc.edu''' 
'''Subject: Hi again...'''

Mary, I've slept on it, and I have realized that note-hanging is not the way to get attention. And I don't really want to meet with either you nor Susan, no offense. I'll tell you what, let's forget the meeting, and if you will allow my newsletter to stay in distribution, I will do all of the following:

-I will never hang notes on the wall again. 
-I'll consider stopping my Silent Treatment on Susan. 
-I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my scale of Respect each by 2 points (0=No Respect...10=Respect). 

Please reply via E-Mail.

Christian C.
</div>
 
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: Mary Lee Walsh <mwalsh@pvcc.edu>''' 
'''To: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''Sent: Tue, 3 Feb 2004 8:54 am''' 
'''Subject: RE: Hi again...'''

Christian:
Susan Hannifan and I will be able to meet with you on Monday February 9th in my office at 3:00 p.m. I do not have any time this week that works with all of our schedules, so it will have to be next Monday. I normally send students notice of appointments by mail, but you have asked that I correspond to you through email. It is necessary that this meeting take place, so if Monday is not convenient for you please let me know and we will set a time for Wednesday.</div>
 
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''To: Virginia_Sanford@ccpsnet.net''' 
'''Sent: Wed, 21 Feb 2007 3:32:50 PM Eastern Standard Time''' 
'''Subject: Re: Hello'''

Hey, Mrs. Sanford (or should I say Ginny or [[Virginia]] ), I am delighted to hear from you as well. And It is also good to know that you are still residing at that address. The [[DVD]] is under production, to be completed a few days after February 24, [[2007]] (my 25th Birthday...Yay).

You may be able to help me in a portion of it now; there will be a [[Slideshow]] (projected from my [[PlayStation Portable]]) featuring not only pics of me growing up, but the friends, teachers and relatives I've known and remembered (either from heart, like yourself, as well as yearbook signatures). Anyway, do you remember from the ol' class, Sarah and Micha (the blonde girl with glasses, and the slow-talking african american who Ms. Eckel told over and over [[Hypocrisy|to get his dad to teach him how to shave]])? I remembered both of them from heart, but unfortunately I don't remember their last names, so it's harder to find them in the yearbooks; could you tell me their last names, please?

As for what had happened during PVCC, in a nutshell; about Mid-Summer, 2003, I've realize upon revolation[sic] that I needed a girl friend to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up, so with a sign (which I've later realized that it made me look slow-minded; the "R" Word), I've started my Enduring Love Quest. The Dean of Student Serveces[sic], Mary Lee Walsh came out and tore my sign up right in front of me, and said, "You're not gonna get a Girlfriend this way or any way." That *&^%$ SHATTERED MY HEART AND MURDERED MY SOUL. And it wasn't just her, the Policemen Imposters in Brown, White and Red, AKA The Jerkops (Blue and Black ARE the TRUE POLICE SOLDIERS) also seriously indented the impression that "Virgina is for Virgins, NOT Lovers".

But it has a happy ending; in Mid-[[2005]], when I've started playing the [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] TCG, I met [[Megan|this girl]] who upon numerous conversations, art-sharing and secret confidence, I've grown fond of, and my Heart and Soul Recovered from the Serious Emotional and Physical Pain I've endured. Although she's not intrested[sic] in a serious relationship, I still am fond of her, and I'm hoping that she may have a change of heart.

You may learn more about what had happened to me from the Sub-Episodes in my "Sonichu" Comic Book, which I have the legable[sic] images uploaded onto my CWC's Sonichu Site!; those Sub-Episodes are based on my Real-Life Events. *[[sigh]]*

Well, that's about it for now; I hope you do well as well. And I will make that DVD copy for you after I've finalized the master copy. Please tell the remaing[sic] faculty who are still working at Providence that I wish them the best as well. I still remember Mrs. Rogers (my ol' computer teacher) when she played as Woodstock in the [[1990s#1996|1996]] "Snoopy" play; that was just fun and cute. :)

Take care;
Christian Weston Chandler, A.K.A. (nickname) Chris Chan.
</div>

==Mary Lee Walsh in ''Sonichu''==
[[Image:MachPunch.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]][[Image:MaryWantsIt.JPG|thumb|Despite the fact that Chris hates Mary Lee Walsh, this didn't stop him from picking up his markers and making hideous porn of her.]]
Because of all the [[stress]] Mary Lee Walsh caused, Chris obsessed over his HEART-SHATTERING defeat and had to re-invent the entire scenario so that he came out as the victor. Chris began to turn her into a villain in his mind, envisioning himself as a conquering hero. Walsh begins to appear in a lot of Chris's works as the ever-present antagonist opposing his [[Love Quest]].

{{quote|After the first encounter with Mary, I put her into my comics from the start as MY personal MAIN Adversary, with her hoard[sic] of Impostor Police People, also known as [[Jerkop]]s, and the Notorious Count Graduon trapped in the glass orb on the scepter she wields.|Chris, failing to remember that the comic series was supposed to be about Sonichu, not him}}

In the comics, Walsh appears as a literal witch, complete with a broomstick, sinister grin, and a pitchfork. In a witty [[parody]], she is the leader of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], or PVCC. She is motivated by a hatred of true love and people who seek it, making her a fitting adversary for the heartsick Chris and the deeply monogamous Sonichu. As the "witch of hearts," Walsh's broader goal is to wage war against love itself, although her only real tactic is send [[Jerkops]] into [[CWCville]] to beat up anyone engaging in romance. For some reason, she considers cock-blocking Chris to be of vital importance to her goals, even though Chris does a pretty good job of that himself.

Mary's first appearances in the comics are in [[Sonichu 0]], via a brief preview and several short comic strips that don't formally introduce her; her formal debut in the canon is in [[Sonichu 2]]. Curiously, Chris and Mary are already bitter enemies, and Chris never explains the exact source of their hostility beyond stating that she once shattered his heart and she is frustrated by his dogged persistence in searching for love. It is, however, made immediately clear that their feud has become intensely personal; both characters are fully prepared to fight to the death.

In [[Sonichu 3]] Chris ties together the ancient evil of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] with his own petty grudges by teaming Mary with [[Count Graduon]]. Imprisoned in a magical scepter, Graduon's power is wielded by Walsh for much of the series. Together, Graduon and Walsh seem to represent all of Chris's misgivings about adult life--the trauma of graduating his beloved [[high school]] and the stress of his collegiate career. However, in Sonichu 3 Chris also gains the powers of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], escalating the battle between a chubby virgin and a old lady to an epic struggle between a ridiculous Sonic recolor and an old lady with a scepter.

During her reign of terror Walsh threatened the city of CWCville on multiple occasions. In Sonichu 2, she and Graduon create a golem to stomp the city. Much of the action in [[Sonichu 4]] involves Chris fending off Walsh's agents, until he and [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] finally storm PVCC and liberate the college from her evil. (Mary simply relocates to [[Menchi-Nasu High]] to establish a new base of operations.) In [[Sonichu 5]] she floods the town with her army of [[Jerkops]] to stage a coup against Chris and his loyal police force. When this plan begins to collapse she and Graduon attempt to trap Chris in a dark mirror hole, but are only successful in ensnaring his Crystal. When Chris later became stuck in the [[time void]] in [[Sonichu 7]], Mary seized the opportunity and prepared to attack CWCville in her most audacious invasion yet, laying siege with vast armies of [[Transformers|Decepticlones]] in [[Sonichu 9]] and causing untold damage before being defeated by Sonichu. Her evil was finally put to an end in [[Sonichu 10]] when Chris used the power of the [[Sonichu Balls]] to become Colossal Chris Chan. He then destroyed Graduon's scepter and easily overpowered her, leaving her paralyzed before sending her to prison.

A consistent theme in Mary's story arc is she is to blame for everything. Just as in real life Chris believed that Walsh was somehow the singular author of all his misfortunes, in the comics Mary really is the one pulling all the strings. Virtually all of her Jerkops are simply victims of brainwashing. Many of her other followers show the potential for good, but she herself is beyond redemption. Even Count Graduon finds her to be selfish and wicked, thinking only of her petty squabbles with Chris and never about helping him get free from his scepter.

===Renaming and retcons===
[[Image:143-MaryLeeWalsh.jpg|thumb|Anyone but Hslaw Eel Yram!]]

As a result of the [[Miyamoto saga]], many characters based on real-life figures were renamed. In a remarkable display of subtlety, Mary Lee Walsh became '''"Slaweel Ryam"''' or '''"Slaweel the Witch"'''. This is very subtle - as one can see, the name is not ''entirely'' backwards, and there are letters missing! No one will figure this out - especially when the notice regarding the name change, with old and new names, was posted prominently on the [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|Sonichu.net]] front page. Walsh being one of the primary villains in both the comic and real life, Chris obviously didn't want to change the name to an entirely unrecognizable form (that would require originality, which Chris obviously lacks). The name seems to be an evolution of '''"Hslaw Eel Yram"''', which was Chris's version of MLW in his custom [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] cards: in all likelihood, he had only used the "reverse code" as a means to insult Mary with the card without fear of getting in trouble if someone saw said card.

In August [[2009]], Chris put up a [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/TwoMarys page on CWCipedia entitled 'TwoMarys'] where he tried to explain the retconning of Mary Lee Walsh's name to Slaweel Ryam. Basically, the evil Mary Lee Walsh had been Slaweel all along, except Slaweel changed her name from Mary Lee Walsh to Slaweel Ryam later on, while the ''real'' Mary was innocent the whole time. This of course makes [[List of Chris's lies|absolutely no sense]] as Chris has changed ''every'' instance of the "evil" Mary's name to Slaweel in the most recent edits of his comics, even during her introduction in Sonichu #0 where her character is introduced as "Slaweel the Witch" and not Mary Lee Walsh. Chris has essentially created a paradox in his comic's timeline - he's made a [[:File:Apology_to_Mary_Lee.jpg|comic]] where Slaweel, caught by Chris and the police, apologizes to Mary for ruining her good name, but the way he's retconned it Slaweel [[Fail|hasn't really had a chance to ruin Mary's name in the first place]]. Another glaring contradiction is that Slaweel says in the apology comic that she's ''"sorry for using [Mary's] name in vain and when I constructed P.V.C.Citizens, and made [Mary] look a fool for about six years"'' but on the [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/TwoMarys 'TwoMarys' page], this caption appears below a picture of Slaweel Ryam:

{{quote|This Mary later changed her name to Slaweel Ryam, and she was creating witch brew during night hours and sharing them illegally with the bums outside of the building; she was fired from PVCC '''then went on to build PVCCitizens'''.|Chris, demonstrating his inability to create a [[Fail|cohesive plot]].}}

==Mary Lee Walsh in ''Soul Calibur''==
{{see also|Soul Calibur}}

It is debatable whether or not Chris ever attempted to physically harm Mary Lee Walsh, but in a video he uploaded to [[YouTube]], Chris lives out his fantasy of beating the tar out of Mrs. Walsh. Chris created himself and many other real life friends and enemies in the game ''[[Soul Calibur]] III'', so that he could take out his pent up [[Virgin with rage|rage]] in the most disturbing, passive-aggressive manner possible. [[Fail|It should be noted that Chris is terrible at ''Soul Calibur'', and appears to struggle with defeating an AI-controlled Mary Lee Walsh on the easiest setting.]]

==Possible reconciliation==
[[Image:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|thumb|Notice that Chris isn't sorry for the shit he did to warrant her anger, only that he let someone with her name run around. And why bother having two separate Mary Lee Walshes if he made her Slaweel?]]

Beyond his efforts to retcon the fictional Mary, Chris began reexamining Mary's value to society by describing her good works on Cwcipedia to distinguish her from "Slaweel":

{{quote|This Mary replaced the previous one in mid-2000; she has done a good job with her role as Dean of Student Services. She is Currently and To Be Respected with Open Kindness and Prosperity from ALL the Piedmont Virginia Commuinity College Students, Peers and Employees.|Chris, CWCipedia<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/TwoMarys</ref>}}

The article rambles on, strongly suggesting he used a quick Google search for "research", detailing this Mary's many achievements and services to the Piedmont Virginia Community College. However, the whole piece carries an insincere tone, suggesting Chris was compelled to recognize Mary as a <s>not ridiculously evil caricature</s> [[reality|real person]] as some sort of therapeutic measure. Keep in mind, however, that he doesn't acknowledge that the ''real woman'' he interacted with wasn't a horned-hat wearing witch; simply that this Mary Lee Walsh was replaced (in the ''real world'') by a good duplicate. In a very sad way, Chris seems to find it easier to rewrite reality than his own fantasy world.

Mary was named on the CWCipedia Chris's first "Woman of The (ANY) Month to Respect with Authority and Kindness" for the month of August.<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Template:Christian_Says</ref>

In his edited version of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page, he clarifies that he forgave Mary Lee Walsh for her "past misdeeds" (even though Chris himself was entirely at fault in all of their encounters). According to his edits, he also hand-delivered a framed copy of his "apology" to her office, and she thanked him by telling his parents not to let their retard son on her campus anymore.

Apparently, Mary didn't give a shit and Chris was crushed.

{{quote|Besides which, that b**** "Dean", Mary Lee Walsh, AFTER I personally went over and handed her a Framed Hand-Drawn Apology of my angst against her, SHE SENT ME A TRESPASSING NOTICE! While my family and I did NOT accept it, and sent it back to her, I must say that is one hell of a "Thank You" for going through the trouble and gas usage to Personally Apologize and Make Peace.|Chris, Mailbag 26<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>}}

==[[:Category:Mary_Lee_Walsh|Fan art]]==
[[Image:Mary-lee-Walsh.jpg|thumb|[[Mass debating|For some reason]], Mary has become a frequent subject of pictures like this.]]

In Chris's artwork, Mary Lee Walsh has long gray hair and wears a golden helmet with red horns on it. However, Chris being Chris, he would often neglect to draw her hair at all. (And her fingers, and her feet, and her nose...) In the early days of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page it was inferred that Walsh's helmet was in fact a blonde bob cut, and the horns were growing out of her head like those of a devil. Additionally, once it became clear that Chris was viewing the page it became fashionable to mess with him by depicting Mary (whom he despised) as a sexy cartoon girl (which he was sure to fap to). As a result, the most influential depictions of Mary have been Rule 34 fan art, depicting her as a voluptuous blonde with devil horns (and occasionally a tail), wearing (at most) a skimpy purple miniskirt and thigh-high boots.

''[[Sonichu: The Animated Series]]'' posits that she has an extremely deep voice (a la Dr. Girlfriend from ''[[Wikipedia:Venture bros.|The Venture Bros]].''), but other than that she's still drawn with the extremely sensualized proportions seen in other troll artwork.

Mary Lee Walsh is also the actual protagonist of ''[[Sonichu Finale]]'' webcomic series.
{{clear}}
{{collapsible
|Here be DAT ASS. Mostly NSFW.
|<gallery perrow=4>
Image:126473378631.JPG
Image:12670593995.JPG
Image:127128115082.jpg
Image:184947 - Chris-chan Jerkops ROSECHU Sonichu mary lee walsh.JPG
Image:204421 - Chris-chan Sonichu mary lee walsh.jpg
Image:37820426 mary lee walsh sonichu.jpg
Image:45422 - Chris-chan Sonichu mary lee walsh.JPG
Image:Cc5.jpg
Image:E6224fea4f4247159177c5f48e077b17.jpg
Image:Lesath-Walsh.png
Image:Makeitup.png
Image:Mary Lee Walsh and her world by Plombard.jpg
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by churippu.JPG
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by judassnogger.JPG
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by The Best Sappho.jpg
Image:Mary Lee Walsh Vore by Metalforever.jpg
Image:Mary Xmas by Scarlet Rose.jpg
Image:Maryleewalsh.jpg
Image:Mlw.png
Image:MLW attacks by Plombard.jpg
Image:MLWsis.png
Image:Mlwsonichu34.png
Image:Mlwsonichu342.png
Image:SF page 18 by Plombard.jpg
Image:Sonichu by Plombard.jpg
Image:Sonichu Finale cover by Plombard.jpg
Image:Sonichu Finale 2 Page 23 by Plombard.jpg
Image:Sonichu fanart Mary Lee Walsh by baddleebadd.jpg
Image:Sonichu VS Mary Lee Walsh.jpg
Image:SonichusiteMary.jpg
Image:Spazkid mary lee walsh.png
Image:The dean in her heaven by Plombard.png
</gallery>}}

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=TwoMarys}}
{{Fan art}}
*[[Count Graduon]]
*[[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]
*[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]
*[[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu]]
*[[Attraction Sign]]

==External links==
*[http://zabukawaii.deviantart.com/art/The-origin-of-Slaweel-146885649 Fanfiction: The origin of Slaweel]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLCsZpcTSg0 Harry D and the PVCC girls: "Jerkop Bebob"]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZyH5Y9SpQY Harry D's Live Drawing.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8dAntFOZxg CWC Sketch- MLW Pt 1]

{{Sonichu}}
{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Walsh, Mary Lee}}
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Villains]]

Mary Lee Walsh

2010-07-11T13:06:38Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Mary Lee Walsh in Sonichu */

{{quote|You're not gonna get a Girlfriend, this way or any way. [Fu fu fu!]|Mary Lee Walsh, quoted by Chris.}}

[[Image:Sonichu07-P38.jpg|thumb|Mary Lee Walsh, as she appears in the [[comic]] (and in [[Cwcipedia]]). Chris draws her tits almost as big as the fans do.]]

Lovingly referred to as a "bitch", "witch", "old hag", etc., '''Mary Lee Walsh''' was a proto-[[troll]] who thwarted [[Chris]]'s [[Love Quest]] by ripping up his [[Attraction Sign]] and suspending him from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. She is one of the most important people in Chris's history, as she is one of the few people who saw through Chris's [[autistic]] bullshit and tried to make him act like a normal human being.

The resulting conflict between Chris and Mary Lee affected Chris so profoundly that she became the sole focus of many early ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' [[Sub-Episodes]]. Even to this day, she is still the one of the chief villains in the ''Sonichu'' series, a significance that even [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Liquid Chris]] could never match. As such, she is revered and cherished among trolls for her actions, both in real life, and in Sonichu fiction. All hail the Dean!

By early 2009 Chris had begun to express a desire for reconciliation with Walsh, beginning with his [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retcon]] of the fictional Mary's name to the slightly less defamatory '''Slaweel Ryam'''. For the next several months Chris made conciliatory gestures, including a drawing sent to her house, to which she responded with a legal summons. Since then, Chris has accepted that Walsh will never be able to truly earn his forgiveness.

==Mary Lee Walsh in real life==
[[Image:MaryLeeWalsh-IRL.JPG|thumb|right|Contrary to how she is rendered in various media, Mary Lee Walsh is not very attractive in person.]]
Walsh is the Dean of Student Affairs at the PVCC and a member of the [[Virginia]] Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance ([http://www.vadv.org/secGetHelp/Directory%20of%20Services/campusprgms_p-z.html srsly]). In the past, Chris had been scolded by her for passing around photocopies of his "[[Sonichu's News Dash]]" newsletter, and she finally delivered the crushing blow when Chris was loitering with his usual [[sign|attraction sign]]. Walsh tore down his sign and told him that he would never get a girlfriend this way, or indeed at all.

Chris, being the narcissist he is, disregarded her warnings and continued to place ads for his "love quest" all over the PVCC campus. Walsh, most likely pissed off that this retard kept defying her authority, took Chris to her office to discuss the situation with him. After what Chris described as being "talked down...to RUDELY AND HOARSELY," he attacked her in a fit of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]]. This resulted in a year-long expulsion from PVCC. He was forced to take anger management classes and get psychiatric help before he was let back in.<ref name="wikipedia">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Enter_the_Wicked_Witch_of_the_Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens|User:ChrisChanSonichu]]</ref>

===Soul-crusher===

{{quote|So, as of August, [[2003|Y2K3]], I did [[autism|the most logical, sensible and inexpensive idea I could think of]], I made a simple [[sign]] that stated, "I am a 21-year old and Single Male Seeking and 18-21-year old SINGLE [[Gal-pal|FEMALE COMPANION]]", along with a basic description of qualities I felt were best suited, due to the fact that it describe MOST every [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend-Free]], 18-21year old Girl. Sadly though, not a single one even gave me a glanced, a momentary pause or even an excuse-making throat clearing to read the sign or give me the time of day. And the few who noticed... That EVIL WITCH OF THE [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PrivateVilla of Corrupted Citizens]], Mary Lee Walsh, a bunch of Non-Blue or [[Black]] impersonating [[Jerkops|JERKOPS]], [[Manajerks]] and every other (only a few total) son/daughter of a #@&*.. MOCKED ME AND EVEN CRUMBLED MY EFFORTS AND THREW THEM INTO MY FACE! IT WAS SERIOUS HEART-SHATTERING INSULTS LIKE THAT WHICH LITERALLY SHATTERED MY HEART TO ALMOST NOTHING AND MURDERED MY SOUL! Like as if I didn't already understand that [[Love]] Can't be Hurried; but they ALL left a HUGE IMPRESSION among the general population that having a [[Sweetheart]] was ILLEGAL IN VIRGINIA thus, "[[Virginia is for Virgins|VIRGINIA IS FOR VIRGINS]], NOT LOVERS!" was what I had thought for a long time with the Dark Forces that were forced into me, bedding with my torturing past with the [[jerks]] of the [[Greene County]] School System during the childhood years of my life. Thank [[GodJesus|God]] for blessing me with many happy years at [[Providence Middle School]] and [[Manchester High School]] in Chesterfield; rounding my feelings and attitude out for today.|Chris being butthurt}}

===Emails with Mary===
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''Sent: Sunday, February 01, 2004 1:22 PM''' 
'''To: mwalsh@pvcc.edu''' 
'''Subject: Hi again...'''

Mary, I've slept on it, and I have realized that note-hanging is not the way to get attention. And I don't really want to meet with either you nor Susan, no offense. I'll tell you what, let's forget the meeting, and if you will allow my newsletter to stay in distribution, I will do all of the following:

-I will never hang notes on the wall again. 
-I'll consider stopping my Silent Treatment on Susan. 
-I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my scale of Respect each by 2 points (0=No Respect...10=Respect). 

Please reply via E-Mail.

Christian C.
</div>
 
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: Mary Lee Walsh <mwalsh@pvcc.edu>''' 
'''To: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''Sent: Tue, 3 Feb 2004 8:54 am''' 
'''Subject: RE: Hi again...'''

Christian:
Susan Hannifan and I will be able to meet with you on Monday February 9th in my office at 3:00 p.m. I do not have any time this week that works with all of our schedules, so it will have to be next Monday. I normally send students notice of appointments by mail, but you have asked that I correspond to you through email. It is necessary that this meeting take place, so if Monday is not convenient for you please let me know and we will set a time for Wednesday.</div>
 
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''To: Virginia_Sanford@ccpsnet.net''' 
'''Sent: Wed, 21 Feb 2007 3:32:50 PM Eastern Standard Time''' 
'''Subject: Re: Hello'''

Hey, Mrs. Sanford (or should I say Ginny or [[Virginia]] ), I am delighted to hear from you as well. And It is also good to know that you are still residing at that address. The [[DVD]] is under production, to be completed a few days after February 24, [[2007]] (my 25th Birthday...Yay).

You may be able to help me in a portion of it now; there will be a [[Slideshow]] (projected from my [[PlayStation Portable]]) featuring not only pics of me growing up, but the friends, teachers and relatives I've known and remembered (either from heart, like yourself, as well as yearbook signatures). Anyway, do you remember from the ol' class, Sarah and Micha (the blonde girl with glasses, and the slow-talking african american who Ms. Eckel told over and over [[Hypocrisy|to get his dad to teach him how to shave]])? I remembered both of them from heart, but unfortunately I don't remember their last names, so it's harder to find them in the yearbooks; could you tell me their last names, please?

As for what had happened during PVCC, in a nutshell; about Mid-Summer, 2003, I've realize upon revolation[sic] that I needed a girl friend to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up, so with a sign (which I've later realized that it made me look slow-minded; the "R" Word), I've started my Enduring Love Quest. The Dean of Student Serveces[sic], Mary Lee Walsh came out and tore my sign up right in front of me, and said, "You're not gonna get a Girlfriend this way or any way." That *&^%$ SHATTERED MY HEART AND MURDERED MY SOUL. And it wasn't just her, the Policemen Imposters in Brown, White and Red, AKA The Jerkops (Blue and Black ARE the TRUE POLICE SOLDIERS) also seriously indented the impression that "Virgina is for Virgins, NOT Lovers".

But it has a happy ending; in Mid-[[2005]], when I've started playing the [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] TCG, I met [[Megan|this girl]] who upon numerous conversations, art-sharing and secret confidence, I've grown fond of, and my Heart and Soul Recovered from the Serious Emotional and Physical Pain I've endured. Although she's not intrested[sic] in a serious relationship, I still am fond of her, and I'm hoping that she may have a change of heart.

You may learn more about what had happened to me from the Sub-Episodes in my "Sonichu" Comic Book, which I have the legable[sic] images uploaded onto my CWC's Sonichu Site!; those Sub-Episodes are based on my Real-Life Events. *[[sigh]]*

Well, that's about it for now; I hope you do well as well. And I will make that DVD copy for you after I've finalized the master copy. Please tell the remaing[sic] faculty who are still working at Providence that I wish them the best as well. I still remember Mrs. Rogers (my ol' computer teacher) when she played as Woodstock in the [[1990s#1996|1996]] "Snoopy" play; that was just fun and cute. :)

Take care;
Christian Weston Chandler, A.K.A. (nickname) Chris Chan.
</div>

==Mary Lee Walsh in ''Sonichu''==
[[Image:MachPunch.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]][[Image:MaryWantsIt.JPG|thumb|Despite the fact that Chris hates Mary Lee Walsh, this didn't stop him from picking up his markers and making hideous porn of her.]]
Because of all the [[stress]] Mary Lee Walsh caused, Chris obsessed over his HEART-SHATTERING defeat and had to re-invent the entire scenario so that he came out as the victor. Chris began to turn her into a villain in his mind, envisioning himself as a conquering hero. Walsh begins to appear in a lot of Chris's works as the ever-present antagonist opposing his [[Love Quest]].

{{quote|After the first encounter with Mary, I put her into my comics from the start as MY personal MAIN Adversary, with her hoard[sic] of Impostor Police People, also known as [[Jerkop]]s, and the Notorious Count Graduon trapped in the glass orb on the scepter she wields.|Chris, failing to remember that the comic series was supposed to be about Sonichu, not him}}

In the comics, Walsh appears as a literal witch, complete with a broomstick, sinister grin, and a pitchfork. In a witty [[parody]], she is the leader of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], or PVCC. She is motivated by a hatred of true love and people who seek it, making her a fitting adversary for the heartsick Chris and the deeply monogamous Sonichu. As the "witch of hearts," Walsh's broader goal is to wage war against love itself, although her only real tactic is send [[Jerkops]] into [[CWCville]] to beat up anyone engaging in romance. For some reason, she considers cock-blocking Chris to be of vital importance to her goals, even though Chris does a pretty good job of that himself.

Mary's first appearances in the comics are in [[Sonichu 0]], via a brief preview and several short comic strips that don't formally introduce her; her formal debut in the canon is in [[Sonichu 2]]. Curiously, Chris and Mary are already bitter enemies, and Chris never explains the exact source of their hostility beyond stating that she once shattered his heart and she is frustrated by his dogged persistence in searching for love. It is, however, made immediately clear that their feud has become intensely personal; both characters are fully prepared to fight to the death.

In [[Sonichu 3]] Chris ties together the ancient evil of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] with his own petty grudges by teaming Mary with [[Count Graduon]]. Imprisoned in a magical scepter, Graduon's power is wielded by Walsh for much of the series. Together, Graduon and Walsh seem to represent all of Chris's misgivings about adult life--the trauma of graduating his beloved [[high school]] and the stress of his collegiate career. However, in Sonichu 3 Chris also gains the powers of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], escalating the battle between a chubby virgin and a old lady to an epic struggle between a ridiculous Sonic recolor and an old lady with a scepter.

During her reign of terror Walsh threatened the city of CWCville on multiple occasions. In Sonichu 2, she and Graduon create a golem to stomp the city. Much of the action in [[Sonichu 4]] involves Chris fending off Walsh's agents, until he and [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] finally storm PVCC and liberate the college from her evil. (Mary simply relocates to [[Menchi-Nasu High]] to establish a new base of operations.) In [[Sonichu 5]] she floods the town with her army of [[Jerkops]] to stage a coup against Chris and his loyal police force. When this plan begins to collapse she and Graduon attempt to trap Chris in a dark mirror hole, but are only successful in ensnaring his Crystal. When Chris later became stuck in the [[time void]] in [[Sonichu 7]], Mary seized the opportunity and prepared to attack CWCville in her most audacious invasion yet, laying siege with vast armies of [[Transformers|Decepticlones]] in [[Sonichu 9]] and causing untold damage before being defeated by Sonichu. Her evil was finally put to an end in [[Sonichu 10]] when Chris used the power of the [[Sonichu Balls]] to become Colossal Chris Chan. He then destroyed Graduon's scepter and easily overpowered her, leaving her paralyzed before sending her to prison.

A consistent theme in Mary's story arc is she is to blame for everything. Just as in real life Chris believed that Walsh was somehow the singular author of all his misfortunes, in the comics Mary really is the one pulling all the strings. Virtually all of her Jerkops are simply victims of brainwashing. Many of her other followers show the potential for good, but she herself is beyond redemption. Even Count Graduon finds her to be selfish and wicked, thinking only of her petty squabbles with Chris and never about helping him get free from his scepter.

===Renaming and retcons===
[[Image:143-MaryLeeWalsh.jpg|thumb|Anyone but Hslaw Eel Yram!]]

As a result of the [[Miyamoto saga]], many characters based on real-life figures were renamed. In a remarkable display of subtlety, Mary Lee Walsh became '''"Slaweel Ryam"''' or '''"Slaweel the Witch"'''. This is very subtle - as one can see, the name is not ''entirely'' backwards, and there are letters missing! No one will figure this out - especially when the notice regarding the name change, with old and new names, was posted prominently on the [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|Sonichu.net]] front page. Walsh being one of the primary villains in both the comic and real life, Chris obviously didn't want to change the name to an entirely unrecognizable form (that would require originality, which Chris obviously lacks). The name seems to be an evolution of '''"Hslaw Eel Yram"''', which was Chris's version of MLW in his custom [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] cards: in all likelihood, he had only used the "reverse code" as a means to insult Mary with the card without fear of getting in trouble if someone saw said card.

In August [[2009]], Chris put up a [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/TwoMarys page on CWCipedia entitled 'TwoMarys'] where he tried to explain the retconning of Mary Lee Walsh's name to Slaweel Ryam. Basically, the evil Mary Lee Walsh had been Slaweel all along, except Slaweel changed her name from Mary Lee Walsh to Slaweel Ryam later on, while the ''real'' Mary was innocent the whole time. This of course makes [[List of Chris's lies|absolutely no sense]] as Chris has changed ''every'' instance of the "evil" Mary's name to Slaweel in the most recent edits of his comics, even during her introduction in Sonichu #0 where her character is introduced as "Slaweel the Witch" and not Mary Lee Walsh. Chris has essentially created a paradox in his comic's timeline - he's made a [[:File:Apology_to_Mary_Lee.jpg|comic]] where Slaweel, caught by Chris and the police, apologizes to Mary for ruining her good name, but the way he's retconned it Slaweel [[Fail|hasn't really had a chance to ruin Mary's name in the first place]]. Another glaring contradiction is that Slaweel says in the apology comic that she's ''"sorry for using [Mary's] name in vain and when I constructed P.V.C.Citizens, and made [Mary] look a fool for about six years"'' but on the [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/TwoMarys 'TwoMarys' page], this caption appears below a picture of Slaweel Ryam:

{{quote|This Mary later changed her name to Slaweel Ryam, and she was creating witch brew during night hours and sharing them illegally with the bums outside of the building; she was fired from PVCC '''then went on to build PVCCitizens'''.|Chris, demonstrating his inability to create a [[Fail|cohesive plot]].}}

==Mary Lee Walsh in ''Soul Calibur''==
{{see also|Soul Calibur}}

It is debatable whether or not Chris ever attempted to physically harm Mary Lee Walsh, but in a video he uploaded to [[YouTube]], Chris lives out his fantasy of beating the tar out of Mrs. Walsh. Chris created himself and many other real life friends and enemies in the game ''[[Soul Calibur]] III'', so that he could take out his pent up [[Virgin with rage|rage]] in the most disturbing, passive-aggressive manner possible. [[Fail|It should be noted that Chris is terrible at ''Soul Calibur'', and appears to struggle with defeating an AI-controlled Mary Lee Walsh on the easiest setting.]]

==Possible reconciliation==
[[Image:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|thumb|Notice that Chris isn't sorry for the shit he did to warrant her anger, only that he let someone with her name run around. And why bother having two separate Mary Lee Walshes if he made her Slaweel?]]

Beyond his efforts to retcon the fictional Mary, Chris began reexamining Mary's value to society by describing her good works on Cwcipedia to distinguish her from "Slaweel":

{{quote|This Mary replaced the previous one in mid-2000; she has done a good job with her role as Dean of Student Services. She is Currently and To Be Respected with Open Kindness and Prosperity from ALL the Piedmont Virginia Commuinity College Students, Peers and Employees.|Chris, CWCipedia<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/TwoMarys</ref>}}

The article rambles on, strongly suggesting he used a quick Google search for "research", detailing this Mary's many achievements and services to the Piedmont Virginia Community College. However, the whole piece carries an insincere tone, suggesting Chris was compelled to recognize Mary as a <s>not ridiculously evil caricature</s> [[reality|real person]] as some sort of therapeutic measure. Keep in mind, however, that he doesn't acknowledge that the ''real woman'' he interacted with wasn't a horned-hat wearing witch; simply that this Mary Lee Walsh was replaced (in the ''real world'') by a good duplicate. In a very sad way, Chris seems to find it easier to rewrite reality than his own fantasy world.

Mary was named on the CWCipedia Chris's first "Woman of The (ANY) Month to Respect with Authority and Kindness" for the month of August.<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Template:Christian_Says</ref>

In his edited version of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page, he clarifies that he forgave Mary Lee Walsh for her "past misdeeds" (even though Chris himself was entirely at fault in all of their encounters). According to his edits, he also hand-delivered a framed copy of his "apology" to her office, and she thanked him by telling his parents not to let their retard son on her campus anymore.

Apparently, Mary didn't give a shit and Chris was crushed.

{{quote|Besides which, that b**** "Dean", Mary Lee Walsh, AFTER I personally went over and handed her a Framed Hand-Drawn Apology of my angst against her, SHE SENT ME A TRESPASSING NOTICE! While my family and I did NOT accept it, and sent it back to her, I must say that is one hell of a "Thank You" for going through the trouble and gas usage to Personally Apologize and Make Peace.|Chris, Mailbag 26<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>}}

==[[:Category:Mary_Lee_Walsh|Fan art]]==
[[Image:Mary-lee-Walsh.jpg|thumb|[[Mass debating|For some reason]], Mary has become a frequent subject of pictures like this.]]

In Chris's artwork, Mary Lee Walsh has long gray hair and wears a golden helmet with red horns on it. However, Chris being Chris, he would often neglect to draw her hair at all. (And her fingers, and her feet, and her nose...) In the early days of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page it was inferred that Walsh's helmet was in fact a blonde bob cut, and the horns were growing out of her head like those of a devil. Additionally, once it became clear that Chris was viewing the page it became fashionable to mess with him by depicting Mary (whom he despised) as a sexy cartoon girl (which he was sure to fap to). As a result, the most influential depictions of Mary have been Rule 34 fan art, depicting her as a voluptuous blonde with devil horns (and occasionally a tail), wearing (at most) a skimpy purple miniskirt and thigh-high boots.

''[[Sonichu: The Animated Series]]'' posits that she has an extremely deep voice (similar to Dr. Girlfriend from ''The Venture Bros.''), but other than that she's still drawn with the extremely sensualized proportions seen in other troll artwork.

Mary Lee Walsh is also the actual protagonist of ''[[Sonichu Finale]]'' webcomic series.
{{clear}}
{{collapsible
|Here be DAT ASS. Mostly NSFW.
|<gallery perrow=4>
Image:126473378631.JPG
Image:12670593995.JPG
Image:127128115082.jpg
Image:184947 - Chris-chan Jerkops ROSECHU Sonichu mary lee walsh.JPG
Image:204421 - Chris-chan Sonichu mary lee walsh.jpg
Image:37820426 mary lee walsh sonichu.jpg
Image:45422 - Chris-chan Sonichu mary lee walsh.JPG
Image:Cc5.jpg
Image:E6224fea4f4247159177c5f48e077b17.jpg
Image:Lesath-Walsh.png
Image:Makeitup.png
Image:Mary Lee Walsh and her world by Plombard.jpg
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by churippu.JPG
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by judassnogger.JPG
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by The Best Sappho.jpg
Image:Mary Lee Walsh Vore by Metalforever.jpg
Image:Mary Xmas by Scarlet Rose.jpg
Image:Maryleewalsh.jpg
Image:Mlw.png
Image:MLW attacks by Plombard.jpg
Image:MLWsis.png
Image:Mlwsonichu34.png
Image:Mlwsonichu342.png
Image:SF page 18 by Plombard.jpg
Image:Sonichu by Plombard.jpg
Image:Sonichu Finale cover by Plombard.jpg
Image:Sonichu Finale 2 Page 23 by Plombard.jpg
Image:Sonichu fanart Mary Lee Walsh by baddleebadd.jpg
Image:Sonichu VS Mary Lee Walsh.jpg
Image:SonichusiteMary.jpg
Image:Spazkid mary lee walsh.png
Image:The dean in her heaven by Plombard.png
</gallery>}}

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=TwoMarys}}
{{Fan art}}
*[[Count Graduon]]
*[[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]
*[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]
*[[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu]]
*[[Attraction Sign]]

==External links==
*[http://zabukawaii.deviantart.com/art/The-origin-of-Slaweel-146885649 Fanfiction: The origin of Slaweel]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLCsZpcTSg0 Harry D and the PVCC girls: "Jerkop Bebob"]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZyH5Y9SpQY Harry D's Live Drawing.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8dAntFOZxg CWC Sketch- MLW Pt 1]

{{Sonichu}}
{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Walsh, Mary Lee}}
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Villains]]

Mary Lee Walsh

2010-07-11T13:01:59Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Emails with Mary */

{{quote|You're not gonna get a Girlfriend, this way or any way. [Fu fu fu!]|Mary Lee Walsh, quoted by Chris.}}

[[Image:Sonichu07-P38.jpg|thumb|Mary Lee Walsh, as she appears in the [[comic]] (and in [[Cwcipedia]]). Chris draws her tits almost as big as the fans do.]]

Lovingly referred to as a "bitch", "witch", "old hag", etc., '''Mary Lee Walsh''' was a proto-[[troll]] who thwarted [[Chris]]'s [[Love Quest]] by ripping up his [[Attraction Sign]] and suspending him from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. She is one of the most important people in Chris's history, as she is one of the few people who saw through Chris's [[autistic]] bullshit and tried to make him act like a normal human being.

The resulting conflict between Chris and Mary Lee affected Chris so profoundly that she became the sole focus of many early ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' [[Sub-Episodes]]. Even to this day, she is still the one of the chief villains in the ''Sonichu'' series, a significance that even [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Liquid Chris]] could never match. As such, she is revered and cherished among trolls for her actions, both in real life, and in Sonichu fiction. All hail the Dean!

By early 2009 Chris had begun to express a desire for reconciliation with Walsh, beginning with his [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retcon]] of the fictional Mary's name to the slightly less defamatory '''Slaweel Ryam'''. For the next several months Chris made conciliatory gestures, including a drawing sent to her house, to which she responded with a legal summons. Since then, Chris has accepted that Walsh will never be able to truly earn his forgiveness.

==Mary Lee Walsh in real life==
[[Image:MaryLeeWalsh-IRL.JPG|thumb|right|Contrary to how she is rendered in various media, Mary Lee Walsh is not very attractive in person.]]
Walsh is the Dean of Student Affairs at the PVCC and a member of the [[Virginia]] Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance ([http://www.vadv.org/secGetHelp/Directory%20of%20Services/campusprgms_p-z.html srsly]). In the past, Chris had been scolded by her for passing around photocopies of his "[[Sonichu's News Dash]]" newsletter, and she finally delivered the crushing blow when Chris was loitering with his usual [[sign|attraction sign]]. Walsh tore down his sign and told him that he would never get a girlfriend this way, or indeed at all.

Chris, being the narcissist he is, disregarded her warnings and continued to place ads for his "love quest" all over the PVCC campus. Walsh, most likely pissed off that this retard kept defying her authority, took Chris to her office to discuss the situation with him. After what Chris described as being "talked down...to RUDELY AND HOARSELY," he attacked her in a fit of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]]. This resulted in a year-long expulsion from PVCC. He was forced to take anger management classes and get psychiatric help before he was let back in.<ref name="wikipedia">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Enter_the_Wicked_Witch_of_the_Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens|User:ChrisChanSonichu]]</ref>

===Soul-crusher===

{{quote|So, as of August, [[2003|Y2K3]], I did [[autism|the most logical, sensible and inexpensive idea I could think of]], I made a simple [[sign]] that stated, "I am a 21-year old and Single Male Seeking and 18-21-year old SINGLE [[Gal-pal|FEMALE COMPANION]]", along with a basic description of qualities I felt were best suited, due to the fact that it describe MOST every [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend-Free]], 18-21year old Girl. Sadly though, not a single one even gave me a glanced, a momentary pause or even an excuse-making throat clearing to read the sign or give me the time of day. And the few who noticed... That EVIL WITCH OF THE [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PrivateVilla of Corrupted Citizens]], Mary Lee Walsh, a bunch of Non-Blue or [[Black]] impersonating [[Jerkops|JERKOPS]], [[Manajerks]] and every other (only a few total) son/daughter of a #@&*.. MOCKED ME AND EVEN CRUMBLED MY EFFORTS AND THREW THEM INTO MY FACE! IT WAS SERIOUS HEART-SHATTERING INSULTS LIKE THAT WHICH LITERALLY SHATTERED MY HEART TO ALMOST NOTHING AND MURDERED MY SOUL! Like as if I didn't already understand that [[Love]] Can't be Hurried; but they ALL left a HUGE IMPRESSION among the general population that having a [[Sweetheart]] was ILLEGAL IN VIRGINIA thus, "[[Virginia is for Virgins|VIRGINIA IS FOR VIRGINS]], NOT LOVERS!" was what I had thought for a long time with the Dark Forces that were forced into me, bedding with my torturing past with the [[jerks]] of the [[Greene County]] School System during the childhood years of my life. Thank [[GodJesus|God]] for blessing me with many happy years at [[Providence Middle School]] and [[Manchester High School]] in Chesterfield; rounding my feelings and attitude out for today.|Chris being butthurt}}

===Emails with Mary===
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''Sent: Sunday, February 01, 2004 1:22 PM''' 
'''To: mwalsh@pvcc.edu''' 
'''Subject: Hi again...'''

Mary, I've slept on it, and I have realized that note-hanging is not the way to get attention. And I don't really want to meet with either you nor Susan, no offense. I'll tell you what, let's forget the meeting, and if you will allow my newsletter to stay in distribution, I will do all of the following:

-I will never hang notes on the wall again. 
-I'll consider stopping my Silent Treatment on Susan. 
-I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my scale of Respect each by 2 points (0=No Respect...10=Respect). 

Please reply via E-Mail.

Christian C.
</div>
 
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: Mary Lee Walsh <mwalsh@pvcc.edu>''' 
'''To: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''Sent: Tue, 3 Feb 2004 8:54 am''' 
'''Subject: RE: Hi again...'''

Christian:
Susan Hannifan and I will be able to meet with you on Monday February 9th in my office at 3:00 p.m. I do not have any time this week that works with all of our schedules, so it will have to be next Monday. I normally send students notice of appointments by mail, but you have asked that I correspond to you through email. It is necessary that this meeting take place, so if Monday is not convenient for you please let me know and we will set a time for Wednesday.</div>
 
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
'''From: CWCSonichu@aol.com''' 
'''To: Virginia_Sanford@ccpsnet.net''' 
'''Sent: Wed, 21 Feb 2007 3:32:50 PM Eastern Standard Time''' 
'''Subject: Re: Hello'''

Hey, Mrs. Sanford (or should I say Ginny or [[Virginia]] ), I am delighted to hear from you as well. And It is also good to know that you are still residing at that address. The [[DVD]] is under production, to be completed a few days after February 24, [[2007]] (my 25th Birthday...Yay).

You may be able to help me in a portion of it now; there will be a [[Slideshow]] (projected from my [[PlayStation Portable]]) featuring not only pics of me growing up, but the friends, teachers and relatives I've known and remembered (either from heart, like yourself, as well as yearbook signatures). Anyway, do you remember from the ol' class, Sarah and Micha (the blonde girl with glasses, and the slow-talking african american who Ms. Eckel told over and over [[Hypocrisy|to get his dad to teach him how to shave]])? I remembered both of them from heart, but unfortunately I don't remember their last names, so it's harder to find them in the yearbooks; could you tell me their last names, please?

As for what had happened during PVCC, in a nutshell; about Mid-Summer, 2003, I've realize upon revolation[sic] that I needed a girl friend to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up, so with a sign (which I've later realized that it made me look slow-minded; the "R" Word), I've started my Enduring Love Quest. The Dean of Student Serveces[sic], Mary Lee Walsh came out and tore my sign up right in front of me, and said, "You're not gonna get a Girlfriend this way or any way." That *&^%$ SHATTERED MY HEART AND MURDERED MY SOUL. And it wasn't just her, the Policemen Imposters in Brown, White and Red, AKA The Jerkops (Blue and Black ARE the TRUE POLICE SOLDIERS) also seriously indented the impression that "Virgina is for Virgins, NOT Lovers".

But it has a happy ending; in Mid-[[2005]], when I've started playing the [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] TCG, I met [[Megan|this girl]] who upon numerous conversations, art-sharing and secret confidence, I've grown fond of, and my Heart and Soul Recovered from the Serious Emotional and Physical Pain I've endured. Although she's not intrested[sic] in a serious relationship, I still am fond of her, and I'm hoping that she may have a change of heart.

You may learn more about what had happened to me from the Sub-Episodes in my "Sonichu" Comic Book, which I have the legable[sic] images uploaded onto my CWC's Sonichu Site!; those Sub-Episodes are based on my Real-Life Events. *[[sigh]]*

Well, that's about it for now; I hope you do well as well. And I will make that DVD copy for you after I've finalized the master copy. Please tell the remaing[sic] faculty who are still working at Providence that I wish them the best as well. I still remember Mrs. Rogers (my ol' computer teacher) when she played as Woodstock in the [[1990s#1996|1996]] "Snoopy" play; that was just fun and cute. :)

Take care;
Christian Weston Chandler, A.K.A. (nickname) Chris Chan.
</div>

==Mary Lee Walsh in ''Sonichu''==
[[Image:MachPunch.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]][[Image:MaryWantsIt.JPG|thumb|Despite the fact that Chris hates Mary Lee Walsh, this didn't stop him from picking up his markers and making hideous porn of her.]]
Because of all the [[stress]] Mary Lee Walsh caused, Chris obsessed over his HEART-SHATTERING defeat and had to re-invent the entire scenario so that he came out as the victor. Chris began to turn her into a villain in his mind, envisioning himself as a conquering hero. Walsh begins to appear in a lot of Chris's works as the ever-present antagonist opposing his [[Love Quest]].

{{quote|After the first encounter with Mary, I put her into my comics from the start as MY personal MAIN Adversary, with her hoard of Impostor Police People, also known as [[Jerkop]]s, and the Notorious Count Graduon trapped in the glass orb on the scepter she wields.|Chris, failing to remember that the comic series was supposed to be about Sonichu, not him}}

In the comics, Walsh appears as a literal witch, complete with a broomstick, sinister grin, and a pitchfork. In a witty [[parody]], she is the leader of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], or PVCC. She is motivated by a hatred of true love and people who seek it, making her a fitting adversary for the heartsick Chris and the deeply monogamous Sonichu. As the "witch of hearts," Walsh's broader goal is to wage war against love itself, although her only real tactic is send [[Jerkops]] into [[CWCville]] to beat up anyone engaging in romance. For some reason, she considers cock-blocking Chris to be of vital importance to her goals, even though Chris does a pretty good job of that himself.

Mary's first appearances in the comics are in [[Sonichu 0]], via a brief preview and several short comic strips that don't formally introduce her; her formal debut in the canon is in [[Sonichu 2]]. Curiously, Chris and Mary are already bitter enemies, and Chris never explains the exact source of their hostility beyond stating that she once shattered his heart and she is frustrated by his dogged persistence in searching for love. It is, however, made immediately clear that their feud has become intensely personal; both characters are fully prepared to fight to the death.

In [[Sonichu 3]] Chris ties together the ancient evil of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] with his own petty grudges by teaming Mary with [[Count Graduon]]. Imprisoned in a magical scepter, Graduon's power is wielded by Walsh for much of the series. Together, Graduon and Walsh seem to represent all of Chris's misgivings about adult life--the trauma of graduating his beloved [[high school]] and the stress of his collegiate career. However, in Sonichu 3 Chris also gains the powers of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], escalating the battle between a chubby virgin and a old lady to an epic struggle between a ridiculous Sonic recolor and an old lady with a scepter.

During her reign of terror Walsh threatened the city of CWCville on multiple occasions. In Sonichu 2, she and Graduon create a golem to stomp the city. Much of the action in [[Sonichu 4]] involves Chris fending off Walsh's agents, until he and [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] finally storm PVCC and liberate the college from her evil. (Mary simply relocates to [[Menchi-Nasu High]] to establish a new base of operations.) In [[Sonichu 5]] she floods the town with her army of [[Jerkops]] to stage a coup against Chris and his loyal police force. When this plan begins to collapse she and Graduon attempt to trap Chris in a dark mirror hole, but are only successful in ensnaring his Crystal. When Chris later became stuck in the [[time void]] in [[Sonichu 7]], Mary seized the opportunity and prepared to attack CWCville in her most audacious invasion yet, laying siege with vast armies of [[Transformers|Decepticlones]] in [[Sonichu 9]] and causing untold damage before being defeated by Sonichu. Her evil was finally put to an end in [[Sonichu 10]] when Chris used the power of the [[Sonichu Balls]] to become Collosal Chris Chan; he then destroyed Graduon's scepter and easily overpowered her, leaving her paralyzed before sending her to prison.

A consistent theme in Mary's story arc is she is to blame for everything. Just as in real life Chris believed that Walsh was somehow the singular author of all his misfortunes, in the comics Mary really is the one pulling all the strings. Virtually all of her Jerkops are simply victims of brainwashing; many of her other followers show the potential for good, but she herself is beyond redemption. Even Count Graduon finds her to be selfish and wicked, thinking only of her petty squabbles with Chris and never about helping him get free from his scepter.

===Renaming and retcons===
[[Image:143-MaryLeeWalsh.jpg|thumb|Anyone but Hslaw Eel Yram!]]

As a result of the [[Miyamoto saga]], many characters based on real-life figures were renamed; in a remarkable display of subtlety, Mary Lee Walsh became '''"Slaweel Ryam"''' or '''"Slaweel the Witch"'''. This is very subtle - as one can see, the name is not ''entirely'' backwards, and there are letters missing! No one will figure this out - especially when the notice regarding the name change, with old and new names, was posted prominently on the [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|Sonichu.net]] front page. Walsh being one of the primary villains in both the comic and real life, Chris obviously didn't want to change the name to an entirely unrecognizable form (that would require originality, which Chris obviously lacks). The name seems to be an evolution of '''"Hslaw Eel Yram"''', which was Chris's version of MLW in his custom [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] cards: in all likelihood, he had only used the "reverse code" as a means to insult Mary with the card without fear of getting in trouble if someone saw said card.

In August [[2009]], Chris put up a [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/TwoMarys page on CWCipedia entitled 'TwoMarys'] where he tried to explain the retconning of Mary Lee Walsh's name to Slaweel Ryam. Basically, the evil Mary Lee Walsh had been Slaweel all along, except Slaweel changed her name from Mary Lee Walsh to Slaweel Ryam later on, while the ''real'' Mary was innocent the whole time. This of course makes [[List of Chris's lies|absolutely no sense]] as Chris has changed ''every'' instance of the 'evil' Mary's name to Slaweel in the most recent edits of his comics, even during her introduction in Sonichu #0 where her character is introduced as "Slaweel the Witch" and not Mary Lee Walsh. Chris has essentially created a paradox in his comic's timeline - he's made a [[:File:Apology_to_Mary_Lee.jpg|comic]] where Slaweel, caught by Chris and the police, apologizes to Mary for ruining her good name, but the way he's retconned it Slaweel [[Fail|hasn't really had a chance to ruin Mary's name in the first place]]. Another glaring contradiction is that Slaweel says in the apology comic that she's ''"sorry for using [Mary's] name in vain and when I constructed P.V.C.Citizens, and made [Mary] look a fool for about six years"'' but on the [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/TwoMarys 'TwoMarys' page], this caption appears below a picture of Slaweel Ryam:

{{quote|This Mary later changed her name to Slaweel Ryam, and she was creating witch brew during night hours and sharing them illegally with the bums outside of the building; she was fired from PVCC '''then went on to build PVCCitizens'''.|Chris, demonstrating his inability to create a [[Fail|cohesive plot]].}}

==Mary Lee Walsh in ''Soul Calibur''==
{{see also|Soul Calibur}}

It is debatable whether or not Chris ever attempted to physically harm Mary Lee Walsh, but in a video he uploaded to [[YouTube]], Chris lives out his fantasy of beating the tar out of Mrs. Walsh. Chris created himself and many other real life friends and enemies in the game ''[[Soul Calibur]] III'', so that he could take out his pent up [[Virgin with rage|rage]] in the most disturbing, passive-aggressive manner possible. [[Fail|It should be noted that Chris is terrible at ''Soul Calibur'', and appears to struggle with defeating an AI-controlled Mary Lee Walsh on the easiest setting.]]

==Possible reconciliation==
[[Image:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|thumb|Notice that Chris isn't sorry for the shit he did to warrant her anger, only that he let someone with her name run around. And why bother having two separate Mary Lee Walshes if he made her Slaweel?]]

Beyond his efforts to retcon the fictional Mary, Chris began reexamining Mary's value to society by describing her good works on Cwcipedia to distinguish her from "Slaweel":

{{quote|This Mary replaced the previous one in mid-2000; she has done a good job with her role as Dean of Student Services. She is Currently and To Be Respected with Open Kindness and Prosperity from ALL the Piedmont Virginia Commuinity College Students, Peers and Employees.|Chris, CWCipedia<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/TwoMarys</ref>}}

The article rambles on, strongly suggesting he used a quick Google search for "research", detailing this Mary's many achievements and services to the Piedmont Virginia Community College. However, the whole piece carries an insincere tone, suggesting Chris was compelled to recognize Mary as a <s>not ridiculously evil caricature</s> [[reality|real person]] as some sort of therapeutic measure. Keep in mind, however, that he doesn't acknowledge that the ''real woman'' he interacted with wasn't a horned-hat wearing witch; simply that this Mary Lee Walsh was replaced (in the ''real world'') by a good duplicate. In a very sad way, Chris seems to find it easier to rewrite reality than his own fantasy world.

Mary was named on the CWCipedia Chris's first "Woman of The (ANY) Month to Respect with Authority and Kindness" for the month of August.<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Template:Christian_Says</ref>

In his edited version of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page, he clarifies that he forgave Mary Lee Walsh for her "past misdeeds" (even though Chris himself was entirely at fault in all of their encounters). According to his edits, he also hand-delivered a framed copy of his "apology" to her office, and she thanked him by telling his parents not to let their retard son on her campus anymore.

Apparently, Mary didn't give a shit and Chris was crushed.

{{quote|Besides which, that b**** "Dean", Mary Lee Walsh, AFTER I personally went over and handed her a Framed Hand-Drawn Apology of my angst against her, SHE SENT ME A TRESPASSING NOTICE! While my family and I did NOT accept it, and sent it back to her, I must say that is one hell of a "Thank You" for going through the trouble and gas usage to Personally Apologize and Make Peace.|Chris, Mailbag 26<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>}}

==[[:Category:Mary_Lee_Walsh|Fan art]]==
[[Image:Mary-lee-Walsh.jpg|thumb|[[Mass debating|For some reason]], Mary has become a frequent subject of pictures like this.]]

In Chris's artwork, Mary Lee Walsh has long gray hair and wears a golden helmet with red horns on it. However, Chris being Chris, he would often neglect to draw her hair at all. (And her fingers, and her feet, and her nose...) In the early days of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page it was inferred that Walsh's helmet was in fact a blonde bob cut, and the horns were growing out of her head like those of a devil. Additionally, once it became clear that Chris was viewing the page it became fashionable to mess with him by depicting Mary (whom he despised) as a sexy cartoon girl (which he was sure to fap to). As a result, the most influential depictions of Mary have been Rule 34 fan art, depicting her as a voluptuous blonde with devil horns (and occasionally a tail), wearing (at most) a skimpy purple miniskirt and thigh-high boots.

''[[Sonichu: The Animated Series]]'' posits that she has an extremely deep voice (similar to Dr. Girlfriend from ''The Venture Bros.''), but other than that she's still drawn with the extremely sensualized proportions seen in other troll artwork.

Mary Lee Walsh is also the actual protagonist of ''[[Sonichu Finale]]'' webcomic series.
{{clear}}
{{collapsible
|Here be DAT ASS. Mostly NSFW.
|<gallery perrow=4>
Image:126473378631.JPG
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Image:184947 - Chris-chan Jerkops ROSECHU Sonichu mary lee walsh.JPG
Image:204421 - Chris-chan Sonichu mary lee walsh.jpg
Image:37820426 mary lee walsh sonichu.jpg
Image:45422 - Chris-chan Sonichu mary lee walsh.JPG
Image:Cc5.jpg
Image:E6224fea4f4247159177c5f48e077b17.jpg
Image:Lesath-Walsh.png
Image:Makeitup.png
Image:Mary Lee Walsh and her world by Plombard.jpg
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by churippu.JPG
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by judassnogger.JPG
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by The Best Sappho.jpg
Image:Mary Lee Walsh Vore by Metalforever.jpg
Image:Mary Xmas by Scarlet Rose.jpg
Image:Maryleewalsh.jpg
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Image:MLW attacks by Plombard.jpg
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Image:SF page 18 by Plombard.jpg
Image:Sonichu by Plombard.jpg
Image:Sonichu Finale cover by Plombard.jpg
Image:Sonichu Finale 2 Page 23 by Plombard.jpg
Image:Sonichu fanart Mary Lee Walsh by baddleebadd.jpg
Image:Sonichu VS Mary Lee Walsh.jpg
Image:SonichusiteMary.jpg
Image:Spazkid mary lee walsh.png
Image:The dean in her heaven by Plombard.png
</gallery>}}

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=TwoMarys}}
{{Fan art}}
*[[Count Graduon]]
*[[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]
*[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]
*[[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu]]
*[[Attraction Sign]]

==External links==
*[http://zabukawaii.deviantart.com/art/The-origin-of-Slaweel-146885649 Fanfiction: The origin of Slaweel]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLCsZpcTSg0 Harry D and the PVCC girls: "Jerkop Bebob"]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZyH5Y9SpQY Harry D's Live Drawing.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8dAntFOZxg CWC Sketch- MLW Pt 1]

{{Sonichu}}
{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Walsh, Mary Lee}}
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Villains]]

Chris and his ego

2010-07-11T12:56:24Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Materialism */

{{quote|Firstly, YOU WISH YOU WERE ME...|Chris, [[Mailbag 10#Rejected Mailbag|Mailbag 10 (Rejected)]]}}

{{quote|For every one that exalteth himself shall be humbled; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.|[[Chris and religion|Luke 14:11 (English Revised Version)]], really hitting the nail on the head}}

'''Egotism''', out of all of Chris's flaws, is the most important and self-destructive. It is this egotism that may one day lead to someone playing [[Kick the Autistic]] in real life.
[[Image:SchuComic0P44.jpg|thumb|'''egotism''', (noun): the belief that your pain (getting kicked out of the mall for being creepy) trumps all others (divorce and loss of beloved children)]]
==Origins==
Why is Chris such an egotist? In his sheltered childhood, his enabling parents taught him to shift blame for all of his troubles to other people. A sense of entitlement, again homegrown, skewed his perception of the proportionality between his problems and those of other people. Chris doesn't completely lack empathy; he isn't a sociopath, but the internal 'scale' by which he weighs the importance of himself against others tilts far in his favor. His autism compounded the problem by making it difficult for him to understand social cues and relate normally to his peers. [[Chris_and_reality#Outside_of_the_comics|He grew up in a different world.]]

But that explains why Chris ''was'' an egotist, ''struggled with'' egotism, or ''has tendencies towards'' egotism. While Chris's childhood was less than ideal, it shouldn't have been quite so crippling. Time and experience should have helped temper his ego, but Chris's development appears to have completely stopped altogether. Chris is still an egotist because he lives in a social time capsule that has allowed him to carry on for the better part of a decade without a single life lesson. And he still lives in that time capsule because it is easy, it is comfortable, and people let him.

===The Enablers===
[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|Exhibit A]]
{{quote|He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.|Proverbs 13:24}}
Chris's parents are enablers ''par excellence''. There is no earthly reason why (barring unrelated catastrophes) a man that is almost 30 years old and has autism should live at home with his parents, specially when his autism is as "high functioning" as Chris's activity and his documentation exemplify it to be. Adults with far more crippling mental health problems (from emotional disorders to mental retardation) live far more independently than Chris does, whether alone, alone with supervision, or in group homes.

For children like Chris, public school special education is generally geared toward helping the child understand how their disorder affects their lives, and what strategies they can use to minimize its impact. This is a well-documented and well-supported strategy, but it relies on "buy-in." Chris's parents clearly never bought into these strategies, because they never fostered any interest in instilling any form of independence in Chris, thus undermining the entire regimen of special education and ending up with a man-child with entitlement issues.

===Monthly Tugboat===
{{Main|Chris and Money}}

{{quote|My father helped me get my Social Security set up; I get more a month than I could at a job. | Chris, taking pride in being a lazy fuck.}}

Chris receives welfare from the government; a [[monthly tugboat|"monthly tugboat"]] as he calls it. Although intended for people who were unable to work, Chris continues to abuse the welfare system due to the fact that he is simply unwilling to work on anything except drawing [[Sonichu (comic)|his shitty comic]], [[Video games|playing video games]], and [[Love Quest|trying to find a girlfriend.]]

Regardless of whether Chris is abusing the welfare system, his parents are abusing it through him, or the system itself is flawed, the fact remains that the monthly tugboat that he receives is a major factor in making Chris's lifestyle—and thus his worldview—sustainable.

===Blind Luck and the Cherry Picking Fallacy===
[[Image:SlamAttack.jpg|thumb|Local Boy Levels Up]]
[[Image:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|thumb|left|Article in PVCC's ''Forum'', proof that some people have too much time on their hands.]]
[[Image:Famewhore.jpg|thumb|McIntire Park]]
A [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes|contest]] or [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|two]] here; a [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews|two-second local TV blip]] there. The results are that outside events most people never experience have stroked Chris's already monstrous ego.

Consider that Chris has produced a ''huge'' volume of fanmail, letters-to-the-editor, internet commentary, and other drivel. Each letter to Nintendo is a message in a bottle: most of them never return, but the one that does—on an official letterhead, and addressed to Mr. C. W. Chandler—is confirmation of his celebrity.<ref>[[An Official Sonichu Update]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Yeah...it says here that, uh, yeah...they—th—it goes on to say that:

:"Nintendo of America has some of the most devoted, enthusiastic fans of any game developer. Each week, they receive, uh, hundreds of thousands of suggestions about their games and systems. While they would love to, uh, use ideas from f—fa—from fans to develop actual products, due to the volume of the, uh, requests they receive and the resources it would take to process them, they do not accept unsolicited game or product ideas. But they are committed to being at the leading edge of game and hardware development, though, and they can be sure that they are constantly at work developing new and exciting products and game ideas."

Now, uh, here's the interesting part...where they quote about how I can actually...go further about ch—about them changing their minds and actually accepting the idea and helping me, uh, makin' it—makin' it totally real...with the video games and the TV animations and the action figures, and...officially-released—my personally-approved...medals... ''[...]'' they say that, uh, the best way to let other fans know about my idea or to generate hype about the future game I'd like to see is to post the ideas to the forums on their sites.}} 

As if Chris didn't think his material was golden to begin with, he got a second nod from ''Nintendo Power'' for his epic [[Animal Crossing Documentary]], and a page in [[PVCC]]'s ''Forum'' as icing on the cake. Even before his e-fame, Chris had plenty of evidence to convince himself that he ''was'' creative, and not just a high-volume, whiny jerk that had pestered his way to acknowledgment. As he graduated from PVCC in 2006, his writing shows that [[Sonichu]] was, in his mind, already tested: there was just some small threshold of notoriety or connections that needed to be breached, in order to become a true media sensation.

On top of that, Chris has a huge amount of free time to inject himself into situations like the [[McIntire Park]] meetings, which allows him to cherry-pick more moments of recognition. A tongue-in-cheek acknowledgment by the local council seems cute to us, but is serious business to him. And since Chris cherry-picks only the reinforcement that he wants, his legions of [[troll]]s just add to the fire. Delusion has led him to believe that he has a legion of fans; a few hundred emails in his inbox confirm it.

==Narcissistic Personality Disorder==
[[Image:Narcissus.jpg|thumb|TRUE and HONEST artist's depiction.]]
It's entirely possible however, that Chris suffers from [[Wikipedia:Narcissistic personality disorder|Narcissistic personality disorder]], whose diagnosis criteria detail many of the characteristics that Chris exhibits.

{{quotebox|The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fourth edition, DSM IV-TR, a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines narcissistic personality disorder (in Axis II Cluster B) as:

A pervasive pattern of [[CWCville|grandiosity]] (in fantasy or behavior), [[True and Loyal Fanbase|need]] [[Love Quest|for]] [[Barbara|admiration]], and [[Autism|lack]] [[Chris and remorse|of]] [[Chris and death|empathy]], beginning by [[PVCC|early adulthood]] and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1.has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., [[Art|exaggerates]] [[Honor roll|achievements]] [[CADD|and]] [[Sonichu (comic)|talents]], expects to be recognized as superior without [[China|commensurate achievements]])

2.is preoccupied with fantasies of [[Sonichu|unlimited success]], [[CWCville|power]], [[Honor roll|brilliance]], [[Chris and fashion|beauty]], or [[Sweetheart from the ground up|ideal love]]

3.believes that he or she is [[Autistic|"special"]] and [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|unique]] and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or [[Shigeru Miyamoto|high-status people]] (or [[Chris and the industry|institutions]])

4.requires excessive [[Fanbase|admiration]]

5.has a sense of [[Barbara|entitlement]], i.e., unreasonable expectations of [[Hanky panky|especially]] [[Honor Roll|favorable]] treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

6.is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., [[Cole Smithey|takes advantage of others]] to achieve his or her [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|own ends]]

7. [[Chris and death|lacks empathy]]: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the [[Megan|feelings and needs]] [[Wallflower|of others]]

8. is [[Adam Stackhouse|often envious of others]] or believes [[JERKS|others]] are [[Kick the Autistic|envious]] of him or her

9.shows [[Mailbag|arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes]]}}

As you can see, these criteria describe Chris's ego, right down to the sense of entitlement. Then again, many of the symptoms described match a typical diagnosis of autism. He may have both.

==Manifestations==

Chris's egotism manifests itself in many ways.

===Unwarranted Self-Importance===
[[Image:Apology_to_Mary_Lee.jpg|thumb|Very gracious.]]
:''See also: [[True and Loyal Fanbase]]''
{{quote|I have had way over a million fans worldwide since I went online in before 2000.|-Chris, [[Mailbag 48]]}}
As overwhelming as Chris's unwarranted self-importance is, it's easy for the novice [[troll|observer]] to get lost in the sea of [[Sonichu]] shit and assume that he's just confident in his e-fame. "Of course," you say, "he's got a billion hits on [[YouTube]] and a thousand emails in his mailbox. He's going to think he's hot shit, like every other retard on the [[DeviantArt|internet]]."

But nothing sums up Chris's deep and abiding USI like this missive to [[Mary Lee Walsh]]:<ref>[[Mary Lee Walsh#Emails with Mary|Emails with Mary]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Mary, I've slept on it, and [[Barbara|I have realized that note-hanging is not the way to get attention]]. And I don't really want to meet with either you nor Susan, no offense. I'll tell you what, let's forget the meeting, and if you will allow my newsletter to stay in distribution, I will do all of the following:

*I will never hang notes on the wall again.
*I'll consider stopping my Silent Treatment on Susan.
*I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my [[scale of Respect]] each by 2 points (0=No Respect...10=Respect).

Please reply via E-Mail.

Christian C.}}

E-fame just adds a whole new dimension. He was a misunderstood genius before; now he's a misunderstood genius with a [[personal army]]:

{{quote|III'M. WOR-KIN'. ON IT! LET ME DO THAT STUPID VIDEO SO I CAN TELL [[True and Loyal Fanbase|E'RRYBODY, IN MY COMMAND]], TO GET EVERYTHIN'- HELP ME GET EVERYTHIN' OFF THE INTERNET!|Chris, [[THAT IS MY HOUSE]]}}

It's so bad now that when Chris meets someone new who claims not to know who he is, he seems skeptical and surprised.<ref>Exchange with the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Meet the Pickle .2801:21:44 - 01:25:29.29|Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>

{{quote|Y'all should know me by now, but if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, the original creator of Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon, back on March 17th, 2000.|Chris, in his [[CWC's Second Message|second YouTube video]]}}

The instant-gratification, instant-acknowledgment, and instant-attention--good or bad--that has come with his minor e-fame of the last few years has thoroughly convinced Chris that people ''do'' read everything he writes, and that his YouTube messages ''invariably'' get to his target audience.

===Persecution Complex===
[[Image:Issue4.jpg|thumb|Saint CWC the Martyr.]]

Chris has a lot of problems, and even the ones he [[lie|"takes responsibility for"]] are still out of his hands. His [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|school]] was [[Kick the Autistic|mean to him]], he didn't deserve that [[Song of Christian|F in English]] or the one in [[CADD Chef|CADD]], ''and'' he doesn't deserve the 24/7 [[troll]]ing, among other things.

And if that wasn't enough, he thinks every authority figure in the land is conspiring against his [[Love Quest]]:

{{quote|Then in Mid-October, the Quote/Unquote "Dean of Student Services," Mary Lee Walsh, approached me and pulled my sign away from me and told me, "You're NOT ALLOWED TO FIND TRUE LOVE HERE." MY HEART WAS SHATTERED that very moment.|Chris, on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Enter_the_Wicked_Witch_of_the_Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens|Wikipedia userpage]]}}

It doesn't help that he's engaged in a quagmire of a war against the [[homo]] rumors that those DAMNED TROLLS keep spreading about him, with a second front versus the [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] violating [[Liquid Chris|thieves]].

{{quote|It's out of my control! I don't know where to go! I DUNNO KNOW WHERE TA GO!|Chris, THAT IS MY HOUSE}}

After the release of [[100 2178|May 8 video]] in which Chris blames the Greene County's school board for pretty much every misfortune in life (from being banned from [[The GAMe PLACe]], to [[Autism|being the social outcast we all know and hate]]) thereby cementing the notion that Chris will never take responsibility for his actions.

===Naïveté===
Chris's simple-mindedness and gullibility are legendary. The man is like the Sith: he only deals in absolutes. Either you're with him or you're a [[troll]]. This has been very obvious in his answers to the [[Mailbag]], where he refuses to listen to any talk—even from professionals—about the similarities between [[Asperger Syndrome]] and [[autism]], denies that there are any shortcomings in his [[Sonichu (comic)|work]], and shrugs off any advice about how to improve his health or appearance, labeling anyone who suggests he has any kind of shortcoming a troll.

Chris equates [[honesty]] with divulging every last detail about his life. Nothing is too candid for Chris- getting haircuts, drinking his own [[navy]], [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shitting his pants]], or even giving away his phone number and home address! The only thing he hasn't done with wild abandon is give away his social security number and when that happens, it probably won't be a surprise to anybody.

His gullibility is astounding. No matter how many times it's happened before, Chris is easily led around by trolls promising [[china]] or threatening [[Sonichu|his]] [[Copyright|identity]]. The earlier trolling schemes (such as [[Blanca]], [[PandaHalo]] and [[Jimmy Hill]]) got Chris to jump through hoops and exposed so much information about Chris and his personality that they had to start a [[CWCki|wiki]] to keep track of it all.

In 2009 and 2010, Chris has slowly begun to "learn" to distrust trolls or to keep more of his [[PSN|information]] secure. However, many of his trolls believe this is akin to putting a shock collar on an animal. Eventually, in order to stop being shocked (not because they actually understand or care) an animal will start doing as it is told.

===Hubris: The Pride Before the Fall===
[[Image:NeitherOfUs.jpg|thumb|It's fair to say that Chris is a narcissist.]]
{{quote|I'd say... I'd say I'm all around. You see, the problem is that I have too many skills that I am good at. You might say that I am a jack of all trades and a master of none.|Chris, [[Mumble 3|right about that last part]]}}
Numerous times, Chris has shown that he believes he has powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal [[slow-in-the-minds|autistics]]. In fact, this attitude has transcended self-confidence and erupted into full-blown hubris: Chris is convinced that his [[Chris and writing|writing]], [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|musical]] [[Guitar Hero|talents]], and [[Chris and art|art]] are not just competitive with his peers, but clearly superior.

And he doesn't just have the power to create: his is also the power to destroy. This line of thinking is exemplified by Chris's acceptance that [[Ryan Cash]] committed suicide just because he withheld ''Sonichu'' updates, and would worsen when he believed that his [[curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curse]] actually caused [[Liquid Chris]] and [[Mary Lee Walsh]] to have some sort of horror befall them.

But those are just the most insane moments of cognitive dissonance. What about the time he went into hysterics when he didn't get recognition for his art at high school graduation?

{{quote|I should have been Highly Recognized for my ARTISTIC TALENTS I showed in my Many Art Classes for the Award Ceremonies before Graduation Day. I felt crestfallen greatly from not getting recognized for any of my Talents. I EXCELLED IN MATH TOO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!|Chris, on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Graduation|Wikipedia page]]}}

Or his reaction to losing the [[Adam Stackhouse|Parappa Contest]]?

{{quote|So that SWORN ON MY AUTISM, JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED TO THE SEVEN PEOPLE OF THOSE FOUR VIDEOS!!!!|Chris, on the [http://web.archive.org/web/20070830114517/http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm Sonichu Site]}}
[[Image:How chris sees himself.jpg|thumb|What Chris sees when he looks in the mirror.]]
All of the above is consistent with the behavior of small children, who, isolated from the real world by a lack of comprehension and limited mobility, believe themselves to be godlike beings. This belief is gradually destroyed as the child goes to school and encounters outside authority, leading to their acknowledgment of the fact that they are, in fact, ordinary people. Of course, since Chris is not only autistic but also [[Barbara|extremely sheltered]], he still manages to cling to this belief by focusing on specific aspects of his life and constructing [[CWCville|elaborate fantasy worlds]]. This is also probably why he sees mundane chores as [[Father Call|horrific trials of strength and will]]. In psychological terms, this can be referred to as ''psychological neoteny'', which is basically the retention of juvenile traits well into physical maturity.

Also consistent with his childlike mindset is his apparent belief that he has supernatural powers. In Freudian terms, this is referred to as ''omnipotence of thought''. Basically, in the same way he does with religion, Chris cherry-picks elements of his life in order to validate his fantasy of control, which is more systematically displayed in the Sonichu comics. Taking this into consideration, it's likely that [[Magi-Chan]] is yet another Mary Sue for Chris, serving as a kind of avatar for his desire for ultimate authority. Why he felt it necessary to make [[Reginald Sneasel|yet]] another [[Sonichu (character)|character]] to fill this role is unclear, considering he's already established [[Chris-chan Sonichu|himself]] as the one true God of [[CWCville]].

Another aspect of Chris's arrogance, and again caused by his childish way of viewing [[Virginia|the world]], is visible in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|a phone call]] with Alec Benson Leary, creator of [[Asperchu]]. In the call it is obvious Chris does not follow a mature procedure for developing a stance on issues. Where normally an individual will learn information about the issue and from there decide how they feel about that issue, Chris does it the other way around and decides how he feels about something, then refuses to believe, understand, or even humor any evidence to the contrary. While most people have very strong beliefs in some issues, so much so that they automatically have a prejudice against people believing differently (e.g. [[Barack Obama|politics]], [[religion]], etc.), Chris has this perspective on everything. He takes a position on matters, then finds ways to back it up and ignores all evidence for the opposing viewpoint. This is called a ''confirmation bias''. For example, Chris has decided [[homos]] are bad, so he selectively finds [[Leviticus|information]] that backs up his stance on the matter and ignores anything anyone will tell him about why his homophobia is bad and makes him a bad person. He will then go as far as to pretend he can [[Sonichu_10#Curing_Da_Homos|cure homosexuality]] with his own blood. Unless disliking homosexuals means he [[I'm_Sorry,_Dude|may not get laid]].

This is most obvious when he takes two contrary positions about a similar topic. The obvious example of this is Chris's understanding of the way [[parody]] functions. Chris will defend his right to make Sonichu to the hilt by claiming it is a [[Parody#Hypocrisy|parody]], but he then states that Asperchu is a bad thing because it is "parody of a parody". As you can see, Chris has decided that he has every right to make Sonichu so he backs this up with statements about his right to parody existing trademarked characters, but conversely he has decided Asperchu is bad, so he supports this position by stating it is a parody of his legitimate work.

===Materialism===

{{quote|I want Julie! Yeah, love is my first priority, but then- but then I want my stuff back!|Chris, caring more about his precious PSN Account and Sonichu website, more than his [[troll|sweetheart]].}}

It is clear that Chris is a materialist (a common symptom of Narcissistic Personality Disorder), buying large amounts of crap that make him feel good about himself, hoarding it, and by some twisted form of reality make him think that his unhealthy amount of children's toys might attract a [[sweetheart]], when in reality any human being would clearly see that this man is [[Naïve|delusional]]. He also doesn't seem to have a problem with not working but getting [[money]] for sitting on his ass anyway, claiming he can get more from his [[tugboat]] than he could at an actual job. He has absolutely no concept of money and believes everything he can buy he is entitled to. This stems from childhood when Snorlax would take Chris to the toy store and encourage him to to talk by giving him toys if he could read them out loud. Ever since, he's believed that just by being autistic, he deserves everything he can get his grubby hands on.

Compulsive hoarding combined with compulsive shopping mixed with autism is bad news all the way. He compulsively hoards all of his toys and video games because he wants to give them to Crystal in the future. He also seems to "collect" things. This may be why Pokemon is so appealing to him. He has the compulsion to buy everything he can on the PS3, and is more concerned with trophies than actual gameplay. Most of the games he's downloaded have never been played. But the important thing is that he ''has'' it. Hoarding items in cases other than OCD is a sign of intellectual disability in older children. He may have inherited this behavior from his parents.

===Tender Misanthropy===

A "tender misanthrope" is, by definition, "someone who despises humanity in general, but is ever ready to make an exception for the ''real'' people". In other words, an egotist who pretends to be benevolent. While it's obvious that Chris is an egotist, he truly believes that he's benevolent. He is the perfect example of a tender misanthrope, screaming death threats at what he knows of humanity (seeing as the only social contact he gets is from the [[Internet]]) while also believing that he is a kind, loving person who can [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|give advice]] and [[Pedofork|act as a role model for children]].

Another part of the definition states that "a tender misanthrope feels certain of being able to love real people if only they could be found - or, failing that, [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up|to transform existing false people into idealized ''real'' people]] through social and political programs of the tender misanthrope's own making". The way that Chris treats [[homos]], seeing as he hates them all ([[Mailbag_53#Well,_that_makes_everything_better!|no matter what he says]]) and wants to turn them straight by placing them into co-ed prisons, reprogramming them into straights via concentration camps, or by creating a vaccine that "cures" homosexuality, certainly fits this description. The fact that he also generalizes trolls as homos also supports this. If that does not convince you that Chris feels he can make people into what he can emotionally attach himself to, there are also other obvious examples in his unique delivery of his intentions.

===Disregard of rules of conduct online===

{{quote|DO NOT DELETE, NOR CENSOR, MY BOMBASTIC PROTEST!!!!!!|Chris, in [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#4 September|Encyclopedia Dramatica]]}}

Chris has little regard for the rules of online communities; when he joins up on websites, he tends to do things his way. He assumes that his own niche in these websites is under his absolute control: for example, he assumed that [[Wikipedia]] would allow him to post anything on his personal user page, or that [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] would remove material critical to him if he just asked not-so-nicely. Sites like [[deviantART]] and [[YouTube]] allow community participation; Chris simply disallowed comments, or later on, just ignored every comment he received. Chris also assumes that when other people host websites for him (in case of [[CWCipedia]]), he's given the final say on all matters. His record for getting permabanned is currently at two weeks on [[Flipnote Hatena]] when he foolishly tried to re-upload Flipnotes that had been removed for breaking the rules (without bothering to find out why they had been removed in the first place).

==War against the ego==
One of the main forces opposing Chris's ego are the [[white knight]]s. These [[slow-in-the-minds|misguided souls]] have attempted to get Chris to understand that what he's doing is ridiculous and that he needs to grow up. Instead, he brushed them all aside, assuring himself that he was [[Honest Content|TRUE and HONEST]], and could do no wrong. One of the more popular white knights, [[Vivian Gee]], became a troll when she couldn't get through to Chris.

When asked to get [[Chris and psychology|real, psychiatric help]], Chris has said that his church counselor, [[Rocky Shoemaker]], is enough for him, and that she could do so much more than someone with ''an actual degree in that field.'' He seems to believe that because her title includes the word "counselor," she is every bit as qualified as a real doctor (the fact that most pastoral counselors see people for free probably helps as well, since Chris would never spend part of his precious [[monthly tugboat]] on something useful when there are [[video games]] to buy).

==Examples of Chris's Ego in the Real World and in the Comic==
[[Image:SchuComic8P68.jpg|thumb|250px|[[Jiggliami]] sums it up nicely]]
{{Main|Examples of Chris's Ego}}
{{clear}}
==References==
<references/>

{{Health problems}}
{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and his ego

2010-07-11T12:53:00Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Materialism */ I don't remember where he said it, but he did. I think he said it in one of the phone calls.

{{quote|Firstly, YOU WISH YOU WERE ME...|Chris, [[Mailbag 10#Rejected Mailbag|Mailbag 10 (Rejected)]]}}

{{quote|For every one that exalteth himself shall be humbled; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.|[[Chris and religion|Luke 14:11 (English Revised Version)]], really hitting the nail on the head}}

'''Egotism''', out of all of Chris's flaws, is the most important and self-destructive. It is this egotism that may one day lead to someone playing [[Kick the Autistic]] in real life.
[[Image:SchuComic0P44.jpg|thumb|'''egotism''', (noun): the belief that your pain (getting kicked out of the mall for being creepy) trumps all others (divorce and loss of beloved children)]]
==Origins==
Why is Chris such an egotist? In his sheltered childhood, his enabling parents taught him to shift blame for all of his troubles to other people. A sense of entitlement, again homegrown, skewed his perception of the proportionality between his problems and those of other people. Chris doesn't completely lack empathy; he isn't a sociopath, but the internal 'scale' by which he weighs the importance of himself against others tilts far in his favor. His autism compounded the problem by making it difficult for him to understand social cues and relate normally to his peers. [[Chris_and_reality#Outside_of_the_comics|He grew up in a different world.]]

But that explains why Chris ''was'' an egotist, ''struggled with'' egotism, or ''has tendencies towards'' egotism. While Chris's childhood was less than ideal, it shouldn't have been quite so crippling. Time and experience should have helped temper his ego, but Chris's development appears to have completely stopped altogether. Chris is still an egotist because he lives in a social time capsule that has allowed him to carry on for the better part of a decade without a single life lesson. And he still lives in that time capsule because it is easy, it is comfortable, and people let him.

===The Enablers===
[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|Exhibit A]]
{{quote|He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.|Proverbs 13:24}}
Chris's parents are enablers ''par excellence''. There is no earthly reason why (barring unrelated catastrophes) a man that is almost 30 years old and has autism should live at home with his parents, specially when his autism is as "high functioning" as Chris's activity and his documentation exemplify it to be. Adults with far more crippling mental health problems (from emotional disorders to mental retardation) live far more independently than Chris does, whether alone, alone with supervision, or in group homes.

For children like Chris, public school special education is generally geared toward helping the child understand how their disorder affects their lives, and what strategies they can use to minimize its impact. This is a well-documented and well-supported strategy, but it relies on "buy-in." Chris's parents clearly never bought into these strategies, because they never fostered any interest in instilling any form of independence in Chris, thus undermining the entire regimen of special education and ending up with a man-child with entitlement issues.

===Monthly Tugboat===
{{Main|Chris and Money}}

{{quote|My father helped me get my Social Security set up; I get more a month than I could at a job. | Chris, taking pride in being a lazy fuck.}}

Chris receives welfare from the government; a [[monthly tugboat|"monthly tugboat"]] as he calls it. Although intended for people who were unable to work, Chris continues to abuse the welfare system due to the fact that he is simply unwilling to work on anything except drawing [[Sonichu (comic)|his shitty comic]], [[Video games|playing video games]], and [[Love Quest|trying to find a girlfriend.]]

Regardless of whether Chris is abusing the welfare system, his parents are abusing it through him, or the system itself is flawed, the fact remains that the monthly tugboat that he receives is a major factor in making Chris's lifestyle—and thus his worldview—sustainable.

===Blind Luck and the Cherry Picking Fallacy===
[[Image:SlamAttack.jpg|thumb|Local Boy Levels Up]]
[[Image:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|thumb|left|Article in PVCC's ''Forum'', proof that some people have too much time on their hands.]]
[[Image:Famewhore.jpg|thumb|McIntire Park]]
A [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes|contest]] or [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|two]] here; a [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews|two-second local TV blip]] there. The results are that outside events most people never experience have stroked Chris's already monstrous ego.

Consider that Chris has produced a ''huge'' volume of fanmail, letters-to-the-editor, internet commentary, and other drivel. Each letter to Nintendo is a message in a bottle: most of them never return, but the one that does—on an official letterhead, and addressed to Mr. C. W. Chandler—is confirmation of his celebrity.<ref>[[An Official Sonichu Update]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Yeah...it says here that, uh, yeah...they—th—it goes on to say that:

:"Nintendo of America has some of the most devoted, enthusiastic fans of any game developer. Each week, they receive, uh, hundreds of thousands of suggestions about their games and systems. While they would love to, uh, use ideas from f—fa—from fans to develop actual products, due to the volume of the, uh, requests they receive and the resources it would take to process them, they do not accept unsolicited game or product ideas. But they are committed to being at the leading edge of game and hardware development, though, and they can be sure that they are constantly at work developing new and exciting products and game ideas."

Now, uh, here's the interesting part...where they quote about how I can actually...go further about ch—about them changing their minds and actually accepting the idea and helping me, uh, makin' it—makin' it totally real...with the video games and the TV animations and the action figures, and...officially-released—my personally-approved...medals... ''[...]'' they say that, uh, the best way to let other fans know about my idea or to generate hype about the future game I'd like to see is to post the ideas to the forums on their sites.}} 

As if Chris didn't think his material was golden to begin with, he got a second nod from ''Nintendo Power'' for his epic [[Animal Crossing Documentary]], and a page in [[PVCC]]'s ''Forum'' as icing on the cake. Even before his e-fame, Chris had plenty of evidence to convince himself that he ''was'' creative, and not just a high-volume, whiny jerk that had pestered his way to acknowledgment. As he graduated from PVCC in 2006, his writing shows that [[Sonichu]] was, in his mind, already tested: there was just some small threshold of notoriety or connections that needed to be breached, in order to become a true media sensation.

On top of that, Chris has a huge amount of free time to inject himself into situations like the [[McIntire Park]] meetings, which allows him to cherry-pick more moments of recognition. A tongue-in-cheek acknowledgment by the local council seems cute to us, but is serious business to him. And since Chris cherry-picks only the reinforcement that he wants, his legions of [[troll]]s just add to the fire. Delusion has led him to believe that he has a legion of fans; a few hundred emails in his inbox confirm it.

==Narcissistic Personality Disorder==
[[Image:Narcissus.jpg|thumb|TRUE and HONEST artist's depiction.]]
It's entirely possible however, that Chris suffers from [[Wikipedia:Narcissistic personality disorder|Narcissistic personality disorder]], whose diagnosis criteria detail many of the characteristics that Chris exhibits.

{{quotebox|The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fourth edition, DSM IV-TR, a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines narcissistic personality disorder (in Axis II Cluster B) as:

A pervasive pattern of [[CWCville|grandiosity]] (in fantasy or behavior), [[True and Loyal Fanbase|need]] [[Love Quest|for]] [[Barbara|admiration]], and [[Autism|lack]] [[Chris and remorse|of]] [[Chris and death|empathy]], beginning by [[PVCC|early adulthood]] and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1.has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., [[Art|exaggerates]] [[Honor roll|achievements]] [[CADD|and]] [[Sonichu (comic)|talents]], expects to be recognized as superior without [[China|commensurate achievements]])

2.is preoccupied with fantasies of [[Sonichu|unlimited success]], [[CWCville|power]], [[Honor roll|brilliance]], [[Chris and fashion|beauty]], or [[Sweetheart from the ground up|ideal love]]

3.believes that he or she is [[Autistic|"special"]] and [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|unique]] and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or [[Shigeru Miyamoto|high-status people]] (or [[Chris and the industry|institutions]])

4.requires excessive [[Fanbase|admiration]]

5.has a sense of [[Barbara|entitlement]], i.e., unreasonable expectations of [[Hanky panky|especially]] [[Honor Roll|favorable]] treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

6.is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., [[Cole Smithey|takes advantage of others]] to achieve his or her [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|own ends]]

7. [[Chris and death|lacks empathy]]: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the [[Megan|feelings and needs]] [[Wallflower|of others]]

8. is [[Adam Stackhouse|often envious of others]] or believes [[JERKS|others]] are [[Kick the Autistic|envious]] of him or her

9.shows [[Mailbag|arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes]]}}

As you can see, these criteria describe Chris's ego, right down to the sense of entitlement. Then again, many of the symptoms described match a typical diagnosis of autism. He may have both.

==Manifestations==

Chris's egotism manifests itself in many ways.

===Unwarranted Self-Importance===
[[Image:Apology_to_Mary_Lee.jpg|thumb|Very gracious.]]
:''See also: [[True and Loyal Fanbase]]''
{{quote|I have had way over a million fans worldwide since I went online in before 2000.|-Chris, [[Mailbag 48]]}}
As overwhelming as Chris's unwarranted self-importance is, it's easy for the novice [[troll|observer]] to get lost in the sea of [[Sonichu]] shit and assume that he's just confident in his e-fame. "Of course," you say, "he's got a billion hits on [[YouTube]] and a thousand emails in his mailbox. He's going to think he's hot shit, like every other retard on the [[DeviantArt|internet]]."

But nothing sums up Chris's deep and abiding USI like this missive to [[Mary Lee Walsh]]:<ref>[[Mary Lee Walsh#Emails with Mary|Emails with Mary]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Mary, I've slept on it, and [[Barbara|I have realized that note-hanging is not the way to get attention]]. And I don't really want to meet with either you nor Susan, no offense. I'll tell you what, let's forget the meeting, and if you will allow my newsletter to stay in distribution, I will do all of the following:

*I will never hang notes on the wall again.
*I'll consider stopping my Silent Treatment on Susan.
*I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my [[scale of Respect]] each by 2 points (0=No Respect...10=Respect).

Please reply via E-Mail.

Christian C.}}

E-fame just adds a whole new dimension. He was a misunderstood genius before; now he's a misunderstood genius with a [[personal army]]:

{{quote|III'M. WOR-KIN'. ON IT! LET ME DO THAT STUPID VIDEO SO I CAN TELL [[True and Loyal Fanbase|E'RRYBODY, IN MY COMMAND]], TO GET EVERYTHIN'- HELP ME GET EVERYTHIN' OFF THE INTERNET!|Chris, [[THAT IS MY HOUSE]]}}

It's so bad now that when Chris meets someone new who claims not to know who he is, he seems skeptical and surprised.<ref>Exchange with the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Meet the Pickle .2801:21:44 - 01:25:29.29|Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>

{{quote|Y'all should know me by now, but if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, the original creator of Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon, back on March 17th, 2000.|Chris, in his [[CWC's Second Message|second YouTube video]]}}

The instant-gratification, instant-acknowledgment, and instant-attention--good or bad--that has come with his minor e-fame of the last few years has thoroughly convinced Chris that people ''do'' read everything he writes, and that his YouTube messages ''invariably'' get to his target audience.

===Persecution Complex===
[[Image:Issue4.jpg|thumb|Saint CWC the Martyr.]]

Chris has a lot of problems, and even the ones he [[lie|"takes responsibility for"]] are still out of his hands. His [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|school]] was [[Kick the Autistic|mean to him]], he didn't deserve that [[Song of Christian|F in English]] or the one in [[CADD Chef|CADD]], ''and'' he doesn't deserve the 24/7 [[troll]]ing, among other things.

And if that wasn't enough, he thinks every authority figure in the land is conspiring against his [[Love Quest]]:

{{quote|Then in Mid-October, the Quote/Unquote "Dean of Student Services," Mary Lee Walsh, approached me and pulled my sign away from me and told me, "You're NOT ALLOWED TO FIND TRUE LOVE HERE." MY HEART WAS SHATTERED that very moment.|Chris, on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Enter_the_Wicked_Witch_of_the_Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens|Wikipedia userpage]]}}

It doesn't help that he's engaged in a quagmire of a war against the [[homo]] rumors that those DAMNED TROLLS keep spreading about him, with a second front versus the [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] violating [[Liquid Chris|thieves]].

{{quote|It's out of my control! I don't know where to go! I DUNNO KNOW WHERE TA GO!|Chris, THAT IS MY HOUSE}}

After the release of [[100 2178|May 8 video]] in which Chris blames the Greene County's school board for pretty much every misfortune in life (from being banned from [[The GAMe PLACe]], to [[Autism|being the social outcast we all know and hate]]) thereby cementing the notion that Chris will never take responsibility for his actions.

===Naïveté===
Chris's simple-mindedness and gullibility are legendary. The man is like the Sith: he only deals in absolutes. Either you're with him or you're a [[troll]]. This has been very obvious in his answers to the [[Mailbag]], where he refuses to listen to any talk—even from professionals—about the similarities between [[Asperger Syndrome]] and [[autism]], denies that there are any shortcomings in his [[Sonichu (comic)|work]], and shrugs off any advice about how to improve his health or appearance, labeling anyone who suggests he has any kind of shortcoming a troll.

Chris equates [[honesty]] with divulging every last detail about his life. Nothing is too candid for Chris- getting haircuts, drinking his own [[navy]], [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shitting his pants]], or even giving away his phone number and home address! The only thing he hasn't done with wild abandon is give away his social security number and when that happens, it probably won't be a surprise to anybody.

His gullibility is astounding. No matter how many times it's happened before, Chris is easily led around by trolls promising [[china]] or threatening [[Sonichu|his]] [[Copyright|identity]]. The earlier trolling schemes (such as [[Blanca]], [[PandaHalo]] and [[Jimmy Hill]]) got Chris to jump through hoops and exposed so much information about Chris and his personality that they had to start a [[CWCki|wiki]] to keep track of it all.

In 2009 and 2010, Chris has slowly begun to "learn" to distrust trolls or to keep more of his [[PSN|information]] secure. However, many of his trolls believe this is akin to putting a shock collar on an animal. Eventually, in order to stop being shocked (not because they actually understand or care) an animal will start doing as it is told.

===Hubris: The Pride Before the Fall===
[[Image:NeitherOfUs.jpg|thumb|It's fair to say that Chris is a narcissist.]]
{{quote|I'd say... I'd say I'm all around. You see, the problem is that I have too many skills that I am good at. You might say that I am a jack of all trades and a master of none.|Chris, [[Mumble 3|right about that last part]]}}
Numerous times, Chris has shown that he believes he has powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal [[slow-in-the-minds|autistics]]. In fact, this attitude has transcended self-confidence and erupted into full-blown hubris: Chris is convinced that his [[Chris and writing|writing]], [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|musical]] [[Guitar Hero|talents]], and [[Chris and art|art]] are not just competitive with his peers, but clearly superior.

And he doesn't just have the power to create: his is also the power to destroy. This line of thinking is exemplified by Chris's acceptance that [[Ryan Cash]] committed suicide just because he withheld ''Sonichu'' updates, and would worsen when he believed that his [[curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curse]] actually caused [[Liquid Chris]] and [[Mary Lee Walsh]] to have some sort of horror befall them.

But those are just the most insane moments of cognitive dissonance. What about the time he went into hysterics when he didn't get recognition for his art at high school graduation?

{{quote|I should have been Highly Recognized for my ARTISTIC TALENTS I showed in my Many Art Classes for the Award Ceremonies before Graduation Day. I felt crestfallen greatly from not getting recognized for any of my Talents. I EXCELLED IN MATH TOO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!|Chris, on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Graduation|Wikipedia page]]}}

Or his reaction to losing the [[Adam Stackhouse|Parappa Contest]]?

{{quote|So that SWORN ON MY AUTISM, JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED TO THE SEVEN PEOPLE OF THOSE FOUR VIDEOS!!!!|Chris, on the [http://web.archive.org/web/20070830114517/http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm Sonichu Site]}}
[[Image:How chris sees himself.jpg|thumb|What Chris sees when he looks in the mirror.]]
All of the above is consistent with the behavior of small children, who, isolated from the real world by a lack of comprehension and limited mobility, believe themselves to be godlike beings. This belief is gradually destroyed as the child goes to school and encounters outside authority, leading to their acknowledgment of the fact that they are, in fact, ordinary people. Of course, since Chris is not only autistic but also [[Barbara|extremely sheltered]], he still manages to cling to this belief by focusing on specific aspects of his life and constructing [[CWCville|elaborate fantasy worlds]]. This is also probably why he sees mundane chores as [[Father Call|horrific trials of strength and will]]. In psychological terms, this can be referred to as ''psychological neoteny'', which is basically the retention of juvenile traits well into physical maturity.

Also consistent with his childlike mindset is his apparent belief that he has supernatural powers. In Freudian terms, this is referred to as ''omnipotence of thought''. Basically, in the same way he does with religion, Chris cherry-picks elements of his life in order to validate his fantasy of control, which is more systematically displayed in the Sonichu comics. Taking this into consideration, it's likely that [[Magi-Chan]] is yet another Mary Sue for Chris, serving as a kind of avatar for his desire for ultimate authority. Why he felt it necessary to make [[Reginald Sneasel|yet]] another [[Sonichu (character)|character]] to fill this role is unclear, considering he's already established [[Chris-chan Sonichu|himself]] as the one true God of [[CWCville]].

Another aspect of Chris's arrogance, and again caused by his childish way of viewing [[Virginia|the world]], is visible in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|a phone call]] with Alec Benson Leary, creator of [[Asperchu]]. In the call it is obvious Chris does not follow a mature procedure for developing a stance on issues. Where normally an individual will learn information about the issue and from there decide how they feel about that issue, Chris does it the other way around and decides how he feels about something, then refuses to believe, understand, or even humor any evidence to the contrary. While most people have very strong beliefs in some issues, so much so that they automatically have a prejudice against people believing differently (e.g. [[Barack Obama|politics]], [[religion]], etc.), Chris has this perspective on everything. He takes a position on matters, then finds ways to back it up and ignores all evidence for the opposing viewpoint. This is called a ''confirmation bias''. For example, Chris has decided [[homos]] are bad, so he selectively finds [[Leviticus|information]] that backs up his stance on the matter and ignores anything anyone will tell him about why his homophobia is bad and makes him a bad person. He will then go as far as to pretend he can [[Sonichu_10#Curing_Da_Homos|cure homosexuality]] with his own blood. Unless disliking homosexuals means he [[I'm_Sorry,_Dude|may not get laid]].

This is most obvious when he takes two contrary positions about a similar topic. The obvious example of this is Chris's understanding of the way [[parody]] functions. Chris will defend his right to make Sonichu to the hilt by claiming it is a [[Parody#Hypocrisy|parody]], but he then states that Asperchu is a bad thing because it is "parody of a parody". As you can see, Chris has decided that he has every right to make Sonichu so he backs this up with statements about his right to parody existing trademarked characters, but conversely he has decided Asperchu is bad, so he supports this position by stating it is a parody of his legitimate work.

===Materialism===

{{quote|I want Julie! Yeah, love is my first priority, but then- but then I want my stuff back!|Chris, caring more about his precious PSN Account and Sonichu website, more than his [[troll|sweetheart]].}}

It is clear that Chris is a materialist (a common symptom of Narcissistic Personality Disorder), buying large amounts of crap that make him feel good about himself, hoarding it, and by some twisted form of reality make him think that his unhealthy amount of children's toys might attract a [[sweetheart]], when in reality any human being would clearly see that this man is [[Naïve|delusional]]. He also doesn't seem to have a problem with not working but getting [[money]] for sitting on his ass anyway, claiming he can get more from his [[tugboat]] than he could at an actual job.

He compulsively hoards all of his toys and video games because he wants to give them to Crystal in the future. He also seems to "collect" things. This may be why Pokemon is so appealing to him. He has the compulsion to buy everything he can on the PS3, and is more concerned with trophies than actual gameplay. Most of the games he's downloaded have never been played. But the important thing is that he ''has'' it. Hoarding items in cases other than OCD is a sign of intellectual disability in older children. He may have inherited this behavior from his parents.

===Tender Misanthropy===

A "tender misanthrope" is, by definition, "someone who despises humanity in general, but is ever ready to make an exception for the ''real'' people". In other words, an egotist who pretends to be benevolent. While it's obvious that Chris is an egotist, he truly believes that he's benevolent. He is the perfect example of a tender misanthrope, screaming death threats at what he knows of humanity (seeing as the only social contact he gets is from the [[Internet]]) while also believing that he is a kind, loving person who can [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|give advice]] and [[Pedofork|act as a role model for children]].

Another part of the definition states that "a tender misanthrope feels certain of being able to love real people if only they could be found - or, failing that, [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up|to transform existing false people into idealized ''real'' people]] through social and political programs of the tender misanthrope's own making". The way that Chris treats [[homos]], seeing as he hates them all ([[Mailbag_53#Well,_that_makes_everything_better!|no matter what he says]]) and wants to turn them straight by placing them into co-ed prisons, reprogramming them into straights via concentration camps, or by creating a vaccine that "cures" homosexuality, certainly fits this description. The fact that he also generalizes trolls as homos also supports this. If that does not convince you that Chris feels he can make people into what he can emotionally attach himself to, there are also other obvious examples in his unique delivery of his intentions.

===Disregard of rules of conduct online===

{{quote|DO NOT DELETE, NOR CENSOR, MY BOMBASTIC PROTEST!!!!!!|Chris, in [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#4 September|Encyclopedia Dramatica]]}}

Chris has little regard for the rules of online communities; when he joins up on websites, he tends to do things his way. He assumes that his own niche in these websites is under his absolute control: for example, he assumed that [[Wikipedia]] would allow him to post anything on his personal user page, or that [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] would remove material critical to him if he just asked not-so-nicely. Sites like [[deviantART]] and [[YouTube]] allow community participation; Chris simply disallowed comments, or later on, just ignored every comment he received. Chris also assumes that when other people host websites for him (in case of [[CWCipedia]]), he's given the final say on all matters. His record for getting permabanned is currently at two weeks on [[Flipnote Hatena]] when he foolishly tried to re-upload Flipnotes that had been removed for breaking the rules (without bothering to find out why they had been removed in the first place).

==War against the ego==
One of the main forces opposing Chris's ego are the [[white knight]]s. These [[slow-in-the-minds|misguided souls]] have attempted to get Chris to understand that what he's doing is ridiculous and that he needs to grow up. Instead, he brushed them all aside, assuring himself that he was [[Honest Content|TRUE and HONEST]], and could do no wrong. One of the more popular white knights, [[Vivian Gee]], became a troll when she couldn't get through to Chris.

When asked to get [[Chris and psychology|real, psychiatric help]], Chris has said that his church counselor, [[Rocky Shoemaker]], is enough for him, and that she could do so much more than someone with ''an actual degree in that field.'' He seems to believe that because her title includes the word "counselor," she is every bit as qualified as a real doctor (the fact that most pastoral counselors see people for free probably helps as well, since Chris would never spend part of his precious [[monthly tugboat]] on something useful when there are [[video games]] to buy).

==Examples of Chris's Ego in the Real World and in the Comic==
[[Image:SchuComic8P68.jpg|thumb|250px|[[Jiggliami]] sums it up nicely]]
{{Main|Examples of Chris's Ego}}
{{clear}}
==References==
<references/>

{{Health problems}}
{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and his ego

2010-07-11T12:44:06Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Hubris: The Pride Before the Fall */

{{quote|Firstly, YOU WISH YOU WERE ME...|Chris, [[Mailbag 10#Rejected Mailbag|Mailbag 10 (Rejected)]]}}

{{quote|For every one that exalteth himself shall be humbled; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.|[[Chris and religion|Luke 14:11 (English Revised Version)]], really hitting the nail on the head}}

'''Egotism''', out of all of Chris's flaws, is the most important and self-destructive. It is this egotism that may one day lead to someone playing [[Kick the Autistic]] in real life.
[[Image:SchuComic0P44.jpg|thumb|'''egotism''', (noun): the belief that your pain (getting kicked out of the mall for being creepy) trumps all others (divorce and loss of beloved children)]]
==Origins==
Why is Chris such an egotist? In his sheltered childhood, his enabling parents taught him to shift blame for all of his troubles to other people. A sense of entitlement, again homegrown, skewed his perception of the proportionality between his problems and those of other people. Chris doesn't completely lack empathy; he isn't a sociopath, but the internal 'scale' by which he weighs the importance of himself against others tilts far in his favor. His autism compounded the problem by making it difficult for him to understand social cues and relate normally to his peers. [[Chris_and_reality#Outside_of_the_comics|He grew up in a different world.]]

But that explains why Chris ''was'' an egotist, ''struggled with'' egotism, or ''has tendencies towards'' egotism. While Chris's childhood was less than ideal, it shouldn't have been quite so crippling. Time and experience should have helped temper his ego, but Chris's development appears to have completely stopped altogether. Chris is still an egotist because he lives in a social time capsule that has allowed him to carry on for the better part of a decade without a single life lesson. And he still lives in that time capsule because it is easy, it is comfortable, and people let him.

===The Enablers===
[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|Exhibit A]]
{{quote|He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.|Proverbs 13:24}}
Chris's parents are enablers ''par excellence''. There is no earthly reason why (barring unrelated catastrophes) a man that is almost 30 years old and has autism should live at home with his parents, specially when his autism is as "high functioning" as Chris's activity and his documentation exemplify it to be. Adults with far more crippling mental health problems (from emotional disorders to mental retardation) live far more independently than Chris does, whether alone, alone with supervision, or in group homes.

For children like Chris, public school special education is generally geared toward helping the child understand how their disorder affects their lives, and what strategies they can use to minimize its impact. This is a well-documented and well-supported strategy, but it relies on "buy-in." Chris's parents clearly never bought into these strategies, because they never fostered any interest in instilling any form of independence in Chris, thus undermining the entire regimen of special education and ending up with a man-child with entitlement issues.

===Monthly Tugboat===
{{Main|Chris and Money}}

{{quote|My father helped me get my Social Security set up; I get more a month than I could at a job. | Chris, taking pride in being a lazy fuck.}}

Chris receives welfare from the government; a [[monthly tugboat|"monthly tugboat"]] as he calls it. Although intended for people who were unable to work, Chris continues to abuse the welfare system due to the fact that he is simply unwilling to work on anything except drawing [[Sonichu (comic)|his shitty comic]], [[Video games|playing video games]], and [[Love Quest|trying to find a girlfriend.]]

Regardless of whether Chris is abusing the welfare system, his parents are abusing it through him, or the system itself is flawed, the fact remains that the monthly tugboat that he receives is a major factor in making Chris's lifestyle—and thus his worldview—sustainable.

===Blind Luck and the Cherry Picking Fallacy===
[[Image:SlamAttack.jpg|thumb|Local Boy Levels Up]]
[[Image:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|thumb|left|Article in PVCC's ''Forum'', proof that some people have too much time on their hands.]]
[[Image:Famewhore.jpg|thumb|McIntire Park]]
A [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes|contest]] or [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|two]] here; a [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews|two-second local TV blip]] there. The results are that outside events most people never experience have stroked Chris's already monstrous ego.

Consider that Chris has produced a ''huge'' volume of fanmail, letters-to-the-editor, internet commentary, and other drivel. Each letter to Nintendo is a message in a bottle: most of them never return, but the one that does—on an official letterhead, and addressed to Mr. C. W. Chandler—is confirmation of his celebrity.<ref>[[An Official Sonichu Update]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Yeah...it says here that, uh, yeah...they—th—it goes on to say that:

:"Nintendo of America has some of the most devoted, enthusiastic fans of any game developer. Each week, they receive, uh, hundreds of thousands of suggestions about their games and systems. While they would love to, uh, use ideas from f—fa—from fans to develop actual products, due to the volume of the, uh, requests they receive and the resources it would take to process them, they do not accept unsolicited game or product ideas. But they are committed to being at the leading edge of game and hardware development, though, and they can be sure that they are constantly at work developing new and exciting products and game ideas."

Now, uh, here's the interesting part...where they quote about how I can actually...go further about ch—about them changing their minds and actually accepting the idea and helping me, uh, makin' it—makin' it totally real...with the video games and the TV animations and the action figures, and...officially-released—my personally-approved...medals... ''[...]'' they say that, uh, the best way to let other fans know about my idea or to generate hype about the future game I'd like to see is to post the ideas to the forums on their sites.}} 

As if Chris didn't think his material was golden to begin with, he got a second nod from ''Nintendo Power'' for his epic [[Animal Crossing Documentary]], and a page in [[PVCC]]'s ''Forum'' as icing on the cake. Even before his e-fame, Chris had plenty of evidence to convince himself that he ''was'' creative, and not just a high-volume, whiny jerk that had pestered his way to acknowledgment. As he graduated from PVCC in 2006, his writing shows that [[Sonichu]] was, in his mind, already tested: there was just some small threshold of notoriety or connections that needed to be breached, in order to become a true media sensation.

On top of that, Chris has a huge amount of free time to inject himself into situations like the [[McIntire Park]] meetings, which allows him to cherry-pick more moments of recognition. A tongue-in-cheek acknowledgment by the local council seems cute to us, but is serious business to him. And since Chris cherry-picks only the reinforcement that he wants, his legions of [[troll]]s just add to the fire. Delusion has led him to believe that he has a legion of fans; a few hundred emails in his inbox confirm it.

==Narcissistic Personality Disorder==
[[Image:Narcissus.jpg|thumb|TRUE and HONEST artist's depiction.]]
It's entirely possible however, that Chris suffers from [[Wikipedia:Narcissistic personality disorder|Narcissistic personality disorder]], whose diagnosis criteria detail many of the characteristics that Chris exhibits.

{{quotebox|The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fourth edition, DSM IV-TR, a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines narcissistic personality disorder (in Axis II Cluster B) as:

A pervasive pattern of [[CWCville|grandiosity]] (in fantasy or behavior), [[True and Loyal Fanbase|need]] [[Love Quest|for]] [[Barbara|admiration]], and [[Autism|lack]] [[Chris and remorse|of]] [[Chris and death|empathy]], beginning by [[PVCC|early adulthood]] and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1.has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., [[Art|exaggerates]] [[Honor roll|achievements]] [[CADD|and]] [[Sonichu (comic)|talents]], expects to be recognized as superior without [[China|commensurate achievements]])

2.is preoccupied with fantasies of [[Sonichu|unlimited success]], [[CWCville|power]], [[Honor roll|brilliance]], [[Chris and fashion|beauty]], or [[Sweetheart from the ground up|ideal love]]

3.believes that he or she is [[Autistic|"special"]] and [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|unique]] and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or [[Shigeru Miyamoto|high-status people]] (or [[Chris and the industry|institutions]])

4.requires excessive [[Fanbase|admiration]]

5.has a sense of [[Barbara|entitlement]], i.e., unreasonable expectations of [[Hanky panky|especially]] [[Honor Roll|favorable]] treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

6.is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., [[Cole Smithey|takes advantage of others]] to achieve his or her [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|own ends]]

7. [[Chris and death|lacks empathy]]: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the [[Megan|feelings and needs]] [[Wallflower|of others]]

8. is [[Adam Stackhouse|often envious of others]] or believes [[JERKS|others]] are [[Kick the Autistic|envious]] of him or her

9.shows [[Mailbag|arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes]]}}

As you can see, these criteria describe Chris's ego, right down to the sense of entitlement. Then again, many of the symptoms described match a typical diagnosis of autism. He may have both.

==Manifestations==

Chris's egotism manifests itself in many ways.

===Unwarranted Self-Importance===
[[Image:Apology_to_Mary_Lee.jpg|thumb|Very gracious.]]
:''See also: [[True and Loyal Fanbase]]''
{{quote|I have had way over a million fans worldwide since I went online in before 2000.|-Chris, [[Mailbag 48]]}}
As overwhelming as Chris's unwarranted self-importance is, it's easy for the novice [[troll|observer]] to get lost in the sea of [[Sonichu]] shit and assume that he's just confident in his e-fame. "Of course," you say, "he's got a billion hits on [[YouTube]] and a thousand emails in his mailbox. He's going to think he's hot shit, like every other retard on the [[DeviantArt|internet]]."

But nothing sums up Chris's deep and abiding USI like this missive to [[Mary Lee Walsh]]:<ref>[[Mary Lee Walsh#Emails with Mary|Emails with Mary]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Mary, I've slept on it, and [[Barbara|I have realized that note-hanging is not the way to get attention]]. And I don't really want to meet with either you nor Susan, no offense. I'll tell you what, let's forget the meeting, and if you will allow my newsletter to stay in distribution, I will do all of the following:

*I will never hang notes on the wall again.
*I'll consider stopping my Silent Treatment on Susan.
*I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my [[scale of Respect]] each by 2 points (0=No Respect...10=Respect).

Please reply via E-Mail.

Christian C.}}

E-fame just adds a whole new dimension. He was a misunderstood genius before; now he's a misunderstood genius with a [[personal army]]:

{{quote|III'M. WOR-KIN'. ON IT! LET ME DO THAT STUPID VIDEO SO I CAN TELL [[True and Loyal Fanbase|E'RRYBODY, IN MY COMMAND]], TO GET EVERYTHIN'- HELP ME GET EVERYTHIN' OFF THE INTERNET!|Chris, [[THAT IS MY HOUSE]]}}

It's so bad now that when Chris meets someone new who claims not to know who he is, he seems skeptical and surprised.<ref>Exchange with the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Meet the Pickle .2801:21:44 - 01:25:29.29|Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>

{{quote|Y'all should know me by now, but if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, the original creator of Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon, back on March 17th, 2000.|Chris, in his [[CWC's Second Message|second YouTube video]]}}

The instant-gratification, instant-acknowledgment, and instant-attention--good or bad--that has come with his minor e-fame of the last few years has thoroughly convinced Chris that people ''do'' read everything he writes, and that his YouTube messages ''invariably'' get to his target audience.

===Persecution Complex===
[[Image:Issue4.jpg|thumb|Saint CWC the Martyr.]]

Chris has a lot of problems, and even the ones he [[lie|"takes responsibility for"]] are still out of his hands. His [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|school]] was [[Kick the Autistic|mean to him]], he didn't deserve that [[Song of Christian|F in English]] or the one in [[CADD Chef|CADD]], ''and'' he doesn't deserve the 24/7 [[troll]]ing, among other things.

And if that wasn't enough, he thinks every authority figure in the land is conspiring against his [[Love Quest]]:

{{quote|Then in Mid-October, the Quote/Unquote "Dean of Student Services," Mary Lee Walsh, approached me and pulled my sign away from me and told me, "You're NOT ALLOWED TO FIND TRUE LOVE HERE." MY HEART WAS SHATTERED that very moment.|Chris, on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Enter_the_Wicked_Witch_of_the_Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens|Wikipedia userpage]]}}

It doesn't help that he's engaged in a quagmire of a war against the [[homo]] rumors that those DAMNED TROLLS keep spreading about him, with a second front versus the [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] violating [[Liquid Chris|thieves]].

{{quote|It's out of my control! I don't know where to go! I DUNNO KNOW WHERE TA GO!|Chris, THAT IS MY HOUSE}}

After the release of [[100 2178|May 8 video]] in which Chris blames the Greene County's school board for pretty much every misfortune in life (from being banned from [[The GAMe PLACe]], to [[Autism|being the social outcast we all know and hate]]) thereby cementing the notion that Chris will never take responsibility for his actions.

===Naïveté===
Chris's simple-mindedness and gullibility are legendary. The man is like the Sith: he only deals in absolutes. Either you're with him or you're a [[troll]]. This has been very obvious in his answers to the [[Mailbag]], where he refuses to listen to any talk—even from professionals—about the similarities between [[Asperger Syndrome]] and [[autism]], denies that there are any shortcomings in his [[Sonichu (comic)|work]], and shrugs off any advice about how to improve his health or appearance, labeling anyone who suggests he has any kind of shortcoming a troll.

Chris equates [[honesty]] with divulging every last detail about his life. Nothing is too candid for Chris- getting haircuts, drinking his own [[navy]], [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shitting his pants]], or even giving away his phone number and home address! The only thing he hasn't done with wild abandon is give away his social security number and when that happens, it probably won't be a surprise to anybody.

His gullibility is astounding. No matter how many times it's happened before, Chris is easily led around by trolls promising [[china]] or threatening [[Sonichu|his]] [[Copyright|identity]]. The earlier trolling schemes (such as [[Blanca]], [[PandaHalo]] and [[Jimmy Hill]]) got Chris to jump through hoops and exposed so much information about Chris and his personality that they had to start a [[CWCki|wiki]] to keep track of it all.

In 2009 and 2010, Chris has slowly begun to "learn" to distrust trolls or to keep more of his [[PSN|information]] secure. However, many of his trolls believe this is akin to putting a shock collar on an animal. Eventually, in order to stop being shocked (not because they actually understand or care) an animal will start doing as it is told.

===Hubris: The Pride Before the Fall===
[[Image:NeitherOfUs.jpg|thumb|It's fair to say that Chris is a narcissist.]]
{{quote|I'd say... I'd say I'm all around. You see, the problem is that I have too many skills that I am good at. You might say that I am a jack of all trades and a master of none.|Chris, [[Mumble 3|right about that last part]]}}
Numerous times, Chris has shown that he believes he has powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal [[slow-in-the-minds|autistics]]. In fact, this attitude has transcended self-confidence and erupted into full-blown hubris: Chris is convinced that his [[Chris and writing|writing]], [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|musical]] [[Guitar Hero|talents]], and [[Chris and art|art]] are not just competitive with his peers, but clearly superior.

And he doesn't just have the power to create: his is also the power to destroy. This line of thinking is exemplified by Chris's acceptance that [[Ryan Cash]] committed suicide just because he withheld ''Sonichu'' updates, and would worsen when he believed that his [[curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curse]] actually caused [[Liquid Chris]] and [[Mary Lee Walsh]] to have some sort of horror befall them.

But those are just the most insane moments of cognitive dissonance. What about the time he went into hysterics when he didn't get recognition for his art at high school graduation?

{{quote|I should have been Highly Recognized for my ARTISTIC TALENTS I showed in my Many Art Classes for the Award Ceremonies before Graduation Day. I felt crestfallen greatly from not getting recognized for any of my Talents. I EXCELLED IN MATH TOO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!|Chris, on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Graduation|Wikipedia page]]}}

Or his reaction to losing the [[Adam Stackhouse|Parappa Contest]]?

{{quote|So that SWORN ON MY AUTISM, JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED TO THE SEVEN PEOPLE OF THOSE FOUR VIDEOS!!!!|Chris, on the [http://web.archive.org/web/20070830114517/http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm Sonichu Site]}}
[[Image:How chris sees himself.jpg|thumb|What Chris sees when he looks in the mirror.]]
All of the above is consistent with the behavior of small children, who, isolated from the real world by a lack of comprehension and limited mobility, believe themselves to be godlike beings. This belief is gradually destroyed as the child goes to school and encounters outside authority, leading to their acknowledgment of the fact that they are, in fact, ordinary people. Of course, since Chris is not only autistic but also [[Barbara|extremely sheltered]], he still manages to cling to this belief by focusing on specific aspects of his life and constructing [[CWCville|elaborate fantasy worlds]]. This is also probably why he sees mundane chores as [[Father Call|horrific trials of strength and will]]. In psychological terms, this can be referred to as ''psychological neoteny'', which is basically the retention of juvenile traits well into physical maturity.

Also consistent with his childlike mindset is his apparent belief that he has supernatural powers. In Freudian terms, this is referred to as ''omnipotence of thought''. Basically, in the same way he does with religion, Chris cherry-picks elements of his life in order to validate his fantasy of control, which is more systematically displayed in the Sonichu comics. Taking this into consideration, it's likely that [[Magi-Chan]] is yet another Mary Sue for Chris, serving as a kind of avatar for his desire for ultimate authority. Why he felt it necessary to make [[Reginald Sneasel|yet]] another [[Sonichu (character)|character]] to fill this role is unclear, considering he's already established [[Chris-chan Sonichu|himself]] as the one true God of [[CWCville]].

Another aspect of Chris's arrogance, and again caused by his childish way of viewing [[Virginia|the world]], is visible in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|a phone call]] with Alec Benson Leary, creator of [[Asperchu]]. In the call it is obvious Chris does not follow a mature procedure for developing a stance on issues. Where normally an individual will learn information about the issue and from there decide how they feel about that issue, Chris does it the other way around and decides how he feels about something, then refuses to believe, understand, or even humor any evidence to the contrary. While most people have very strong beliefs in some issues, so much so that they automatically have a prejudice against people believing differently (e.g. [[Barack Obama|politics]], [[religion]], etc.), Chris has this perspective on everything. He takes a position on matters, then finds ways to back it up and ignores all evidence for the opposing viewpoint. This is called a ''confirmation bias''. For example, Chris has decided [[homos]] are bad, so he selectively finds [[Leviticus|information]] that backs up his stance on the matter and ignores anything anyone will tell him about why his homophobia is bad and makes him a bad person. He will then go as far as to pretend he can [[Sonichu_10#Curing_Da_Homos|cure homosexuality]] with his own blood. Unless disliking homosexuals means he [[I'm_Sorry,_Dude|may not get laid]].

This is most obvious when he takes two contrary positions about a similar topic. The obvious example of this is Chris's understanding of the way [[parody]] functions. Chris will defend his right to make Sonichu to the hilt by claiming it is a [[Parody#Hypocrisy|parody]], but he then states that Asperchu is a bad thing because it is "parody of a parody". As you can see, Chris has decided that he has every right to make Sonichu so he backs this up with statements about his right to parody existing trademarked characters, but conversely he has decided Asperchu is bad, so he supports this position by stating it is a parody of his legitimate work.

===Materialism===

{{quote|I want Julie! Yeah, love is my first priority, but then- but then I want my stuff back!|Chris, caring more about his precious PSN Account and Sonichu website, more than his [[troll|sweetheart]].}}

It is clear that Chris is a materialist (a common symptom of Narcissistic Personality Disorder), buying large amounts of crap that make him feel good about himself, and by some twisted form of reality make him think that his unhealthy amount of children toys might attract a [[sweetheart]], when in reality any human being would clearly see that this man is [[Naïve|delusional]]. He also doesn't seem to have a problem with not working but getting [[money]] for sitting on his ass anyway, claiming he can get more from his [[tugboat]] than he could at an actual job.

===Tender Misanthropy===

A "tender misanthrope" is, by definition, "someone who despises humanity in general, but is ever ready to make an exception for the ''real'' people". In other words, an egotist who pretends to be benevolent. While it's obvious that Chris is an egotist, he truly believes that he's benevolent. He is the perfect example of a tender misanthrope, screaming death threats at what he knows of humanity (seeing as the only social contact he gets is from the [[Internet]]) while also believing that he is a kind, loving person who can [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|give advice]] and [[Pedofork|act as a role model for children]].

Another part of the definition states that "a tender misanthrope feels certain of being able to love real people if only they could be found - or, failing that, [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up|to transform existing false people into idealized ''real'' people]] through social and political programs of the tender misanthrope's own making". The way that Chris treats [[homos]], seeing as he hates them all ([[Mailbag_53#Well,_that_makes_everything_better!|no matter what he says]]) and wants to turn them straight by placing them into co-ed prisons, reprogramming them into straights via concentration camps, or by creating a vaccine that "cures" homosexuality, certainly fits this description. The fact that he also generalizes trolls as homos also supports this. If that does not convince you that Chris feels he can make people into what he can emotionally attach himself to, there are also other obvious examples in his unique delivery of his intentions.

===Disregard of rules of conduct online===

{{quote|DO NOT DELETE, NOR CENSOR, MY BOMBASTIC PROTEST!!!!!!|Chris, in [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#4 September|Encyclopedia Dramatica]]}}

Chris has little regard for the rules of online communities; when he joins up on websites, he tends to do things his way. He assumes that his own niche in these websites is under his absolute control: for example, he assumed that [[Wikipedia]] would allow him to post anything on his personal user page, or that [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] would remove material critical to him if he just asked not-so-nicely. Sites like [[deviantART]] and [[YouTube]] allow community participation; Chris simply disallowed comments, or later on, just ignored every comment he received. Chris also assumes that when other people host websites for him (in case of [[CWCipedia]]), he's given the final say on all matters. His record for getting permabanned is currently at two weeks on [[Flipnote Hatena]] when he foolishly tried to re-upload Flipnotes that had been removed for breaking the rules (without bothering to find out why they had been removed in the first place).

==War against the ego==
One of the main forces opposing Chris's ego are the [[white knight]]s. These [[slow-in-the-minds|misguided souls]] have attempted to get Chris to understand that what he's doing is ridiculous and that he needs to grow up. Instead, he brushed them all aside, assuring himself that he was [[Honest Content|TRUE and HONEST]], and could do no wrong. One of the more popular white knights, [[Vivian Gee]], became a troll when she couldn't get through to Chris.

When asked to get [[Chris and psychology|real, psychiatric help]], Chris has said that his church counselor, [[Rocky Shoemaker]], is enough for him, and that she could do so much more than someone with ''an actual degree in that field.'' He seems to believe that because her title includes the word "counselor," she is every bit as qualified as a real doctor (the fact that most pastoral counselors see people for free probably helps as well, since Chris would never spend part of his precious [[monthly tugboat]] on something useful when there are [[video games]] to buy).

==Examples of Chris's Ego in the Real World and in the Comic==
[[Image:SchuComic8P68.jpg|thumb|250px|[[Jiggliami]] sums it up nicely]]
{{Main|Examples of Chris's Ego}}
{{clear}}
==References==
<references/>

{{Health problems}}
{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and his ego

2010-07-11T12:36:41Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Persecution Complex */ currently avoiding the internet

{{quote|Firstly, YOU WISH YOU WERE ME...|Chris, [[Mailbag 10#Rejected Mailbag|Mailbag 10 (Rejected)]]}}

{{quote|For every one that exalteth himself shall be humbled; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.|[[Chris and religion|Luke 14:11 (English Revised Version)]], really hitting the nail on the head}}

'''Egotism''', out of all of Chris's flaws, is the most important and self-destructive. It is this egotism that may one day lead to someone playing [[Kick the Autistic]] in real life.
[[Image:SchuComic0P44.jpg|thumb|'''egotism''', (noun): the belief that your pain (getting kicked out of the mall for being creepy) trumps all others (divorce and loss of beloved children)]]
==Origins==
Why is Chris such an egotist? In his sheltered childhood, his enabling parents taught him to shift blame for all of his troubles to other people. A sense of entitlement, again homegrown, skewed his perception of the proportionality between his problems and those of other people. Chris doesn't completely lack empathy; he isn't a sociopath, but the internal 'scale' by which he weighs the importance of himself against others tilts far in his favor. His autism compounded the problem by making it difficult for him to understand social cues and relate normally to his peers. [[Chris_and_reality#Outside_of_the_comics|He grew up in a different world.]]

But that explains why Chris ''was'' an egotist, ''struggled with'' egotism, or ''has tendencies towards'' egotism. While Chris's childhood was less than ideal, it shouldn't have been quite so crippling. Time and experience should have helped temper his ego, but Chris's development appears to have completely stopped altogether. Chris is still an egotist because he lives in a social time capsule that has allowed him to carry on for the better part of a decade without a single life lesson. And he still lives in that time capsule because it is easy, it is comfortable, and people let him.

===The Enablers===
[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|Exhibit A]]
{{quote|He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.|Proverbs 13:24}}
Chris's parents are enablers ''par excellence''. There is no earthly reason why (barring unrelated catastrophes) a man that is almost 30 years old and has autism should live at home with his parents, specially when his autism is as "high functioning" as Chris's activity and his documentation exemplify it to be. Adults with far more crippling mental health problems (from emotional disorders to mental retardation) live far more independently than Chris does, whether alone, alone with supervision, or in group homes.

For children like Chris, public school special education is generally geared toward helping the child understand how their disorder affects their lives, and what strategies they can use to minimize its impact. This is a well-documented and well-supported strategy, but it relies on "buy-in." Chris's parents clearly never bought into these strategies, because they never fostered any interest in instilling any form of independence in Chris, thus undermining the entire regimen of special education and ending up with a man-child with entitlement issues.

===Monthly Tugboat===
{{Main|Chris and Money}}

{{quote|My father helped me get my Social Security set up; I get more a month than I could at a job. | Chris, taking pride in being a lazy fuck.}}

Chris receives welfare from the government; a [[monthly tugboat|"monthly tugboat"]] as he calls it. Although intended for people who were unable to work, Chris continues to abuse the welfare system due to the fact that he is simply unwilling to work on anything except drawing [[Sonichu (comic)|his shitty comic]], [[Video games|playing video games]], and [[Love Quest|trying to find a girlfriend.]]

Regardless of whether Chris is abusing the welfare system, his parents are abusing it through him, or the system itself is flawed, the fact remains that the monthly tugboat that he receives is a major factor in making Chris's lifestyle—and thus his worldview—sustainable.

===Blind Luck and the Cherry Picking Fallacy===
[[Image:SlamAttack.jpg|thumb|Local Boy Levels Up]]
[[Image:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|thumb|left|Article in PVCC's ''Forum'', proof that some people have too much time on their hands.]]
[[Image:Famewhore.jpg|thumb|McIntire Park]]
A [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes|contest]] or [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|two]] here; a [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews|two-second local TV blip]] there. The results are that outside events most people never experience have stroked Chris's already monstrous ego.

Consider that Chris has produced a ''huge'' volume of fanmail, letters-to-the-editor, internet commentary, and other drivel. Each letter to Nintendo is a message in a bottle: most of them never return, but the one that does—on an official letterhead, and addressed to Mr. C. W. Chandler—is confirmation of his celebrity.<ref>[[An Official Sonichu Update]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Yeah...it says here that, uh, yeah...they—th—it goes on to say that:

:"Nintendo of America has some of the most devoted, enthusiastic fans of any game developer. Each week, they receive, uh, hundreds of thousands of suggestions about their games and systems. While they would love to, uh, use ideas from f—fa—from fans to develop actual products, due to the volume of the, uh, requests they receive and the resources it would take to process them, they do not accept unsolicited game or product ideas. But they are committed to being at the leading edge of game and hardware development, though, and they can be sure that they are constantly at work developing new and exciting products and game ideas."

Now, uh, here's the interesting part...where they quote about how I can actually...go further about ch—about them changing their minds and actually accepting the idea and helping me, uh, makin' it—makin' it totally real...with the video games and the TV animations and the action figures, and...officially-released—my personally-approved...medals... ''[...]'' they say that, uh, the best way to let other fans know about my idea or to generate hype about the future game I'd like to see is to post the ideas to the forums on their sites.}} 

As if Chris didn't think his material was golden to begin with, he got a second nod from ''Nintendo Power'' for his epic [[Animal Crossing Documentary]], and a page in [[PVCC]]'s ''Forum'' as icing on the cake. Even before his e-fame, Chris had plenty of evidence to convince himself that he ''was'' creative, and not just a high-volume, whiny jerk that had pestered his way to acknowledgment. As he graduated from PVCC in 2006, his writing shows that [[Sonichu]] was, in his mind, already tested: there was just some small threshold of notoriety or connections that needed to be breached, in order to become a true media sensation.

On top of that, Chris has a huge amount of free time to inject himself into situations like the [[McIntire Park]] meetings, which allows him to cherry-pick more moments of recognition. A tongue-in-cheek acknowledgment by the local council seems cute to us, but is serious business to him. And since Chris cherry-picks only the reinforcement that he wants, his legions of [[troll]]s just add to the fire. Delusion has led him to believe that he has a legion of fans; a few hundred emails in his inbox confirm it.

==Narcissistic Personality Disorder==
[[Image:Narcissus.jpg|thumb|TRUE and HONEST artist's depiction.]]
It's entirely possible however, that Chris suffers from [[Wikipedia:Narcissistic personality disorder|Narcissistic personality disorder]], whose diagnosis criteria detail many of the characteristics that Chris exhibits.

{{quotebox|The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fourth edition, DSM IV-TR, a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines narcissistic personality disorder (in Axis II Cluster B) as:

A pervasive pattern of [[CWCville|grandiosity]] (in fantasy or behavior), [[True and Loyal Fanbase|need]] [[Love Quest|for]] [[Barbara|admiration]], and [[Autism|lack]] [[Chris and remorse|of]] [[Chris and death|empathy]], beginning by [[PVCC|early adulthood]] and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1.has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., [[Art|exaggerates]] [[Honor roll|achievements]] [[CADD|and]] [[Sonichu (comic)|talents]], expects to be recognized as superior without [[China|commensurate achievements]])

2.is preoccupied with fantasies of [[Sonichu|unlimited success]], [[CWCville|power]], [[Honor roll|brilliance]], [[Chris and fashion|beauty]], or [[Sweetheart from the ground up|ideal love]]

3.believes that he or she is [[Autistic|"special"]] and [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|unique]] and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or [[Shigeru Miyamoto|high-status people]] (or [[Chris and the industry|institutions]])

4.requires excessive [[Fanbase|admiration]]

5.has a sense of [[Barbara|entitlement]], i.e., unreasonable expectations of [[Hanky panky|especially]] [[Honor Roll|favorable]] treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

6.is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., [[Cole Smithey|takes advantage of others]] to achieve his or her [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|own ends]]

7. [[Chris and death|lacks empathy]]: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the [[Megan|feelings and needs]] [[Wallflower|of others]]

8. is [[Adam Stackhouse|often envious of others]] or believes [[JERKS|others]] are [[Kick the Autistic|envious]] of him or her

9.shows [[Mailbag|arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes]]}}

As you can see, these criteria describe Chris's ego, right down to the sense of entitlement. Then again, many of the symptoms described match a typical diagnosis of autism. He may have both.

==Manifestations==

Chris's egotism manifests itself in many ways.

===Unwarranted Self-Importance===
[[Image:Apology_to_Mary_Lee.jpg|thumb|Very gracious.]]
:''See also: [[True and Loyal Fanbase]]''
{{quote|I have had way over a million fans worldwide since I went online in before 2000.|-Chris, [[Mailbag 48]]}}
As overwhelming as Chris's unwarranted self-importance is, it's easy for the novice [[troll|observer]] to get lost in the sea of [[Sonichu]] shit and assume that he's just confident in his e-fame. "Of course," you say, "he's got a billion hits on [[YouTube]] and a thousand emails in his mailbox. He's going to think he's hot shit, like every other retard on the [[DeviantArt|internet]]."

But nothing sums up Chris's deep and abiding USI like this missive to [[Mary Lee Walsh]]:<ref>[[Mary Lee Walsh#Emails with Mary|Emails with Mary]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Mary, I've slept on it, and [[Barbara|I have realized that note-hanging is not the way to get attention]]. And I don't really want to meet with either you nor Susan, no offense. I'll tell you what, let's forget the meeting, and if you will allow my newsletter to stay in distribution, I will do all of the following:

*I will never hang notes on the wall again.
*I'll consider stopping my Silent Treatment on Susan.
*I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my [[scale of Respect]] each by 2 points (0=No Respect...10=Respect).

Please reply via E-Mail.

Christian C.}}

E-fame just adds a whole new dimension. He was a misunderstood genius before; now he's a misunderstood genius with a [[personal army]]:

{{quote|III'M. WOR-KIN'. ON IT! LET ME DO THAT STUPID VIDEO SO I CAN TELL [[True and Loyal Fanbase|E'RRYBODY, IN MY COMMAND]], TO GET EVERYTHIN'- HELP ME GET EVERYTHIN' OFF THE INTERNET!|Chris, [[THAT IS MY HOUSE]]}}

It's so bad now that when Chris meets someone new who claims not to know who he is, he seems skeptical and surprised.<ref>Exchange with the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Meet the Pickle .2801:21:44 - 01:25:29.29|Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>

{{quote|Y'all should know me by now, but if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, the original creator of Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon, back on March 17th, 2000.|Chris, in his [[CWC's Second Message|second YouTube video]]}}

The instant-gratification, instant-acknowledgment, and instant-attention--good or bad--that has come with his minor e-fame of the last few years has thoroughly convinced Chris that people ''do'' read everything he writes, and that his YouTube messages ''invariably'' get to his target audience.

===Persecution Complex===
[[Image:Issue4.jpg|thumb|Saint CWC the Martyr.]]

Chris has a lot of problems, and even the ones he [[lie|"takes responsibility for"]] are still out of his hands. His [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|school]] was [[Kick the Autistic|mean to him]], he didn't deserve that [[Song of Christian|F in English]] or the one in [[CADD Chef|CADD]], ''and'' he doesn't deserve the 24/7 [[troll]]ing, among other things.

And if that wasn't enough, he thinks every authority figure in the land is conspiring against his [[Love Quest]]:

{{quote|Then in Mid-October, the Quote/Unquote "Dean of Student Services," Mary Lee Walsh, approached me and pulled my sign away from me and told me, "You're NOT ALLOWED TO FIND TRUE LOVE HERE." MY HEART WAS SHATTERED that very moment.|Chris, on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Enter_the_Wicked_Witch_of_the_Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens|Wikipedia userpage]]}}

It doesn't help that he's engaged in a quagmire of a war against the [[homo]] rumors that those DAMNED TROLLS keep spreading about him, with a second front versus the [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] violating [[Liquid Chris|thieves]].

{{quote|It's out of my control! I don't know where to go! I DUNNO KNOW WHERE TA GO!|Chris, THAT IS MY HOUSE}}

After the release of [[100 2178|May 8 video]] in which Chris blames the Greene County's school board for pretty much every misfortune in life (from being banned from [[The GAMe PLACe]], to [[Autism|being the social outcast we all know and hate]]) thereby cementing the notion that Chris will never take responsibility for his actions.

===Naïveté===
Chris's simple-mindedness and gullibility are legendary. The man is like the Sith: he only deals in absolutes. Either you're with him or you're a [[troll]]. This has been very obvious in his answers to the [[Mailbag]], where he refuses to listen to any talk—even from professionals—about the similarities between [[Asperger Syndrome]] and [[autism]], denies that there are any shortcomings in his [[Sonichu (comic)|work]], and shrugs off any advice about how to improve his health or appearance, labeling anyone who suggests he has any kind of shortcoming a troll.

Chris equates [[honesty]] with divulging every last detail about his life. Nothing is too candid for Chris- getting haircuts, drinking his own [[navy]], [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shitting his pants]], or even giving away his phone number and home address! The only thing he hasn't done with wild abandon is give away his social security number and when that happens, it probably won't be a surprise to anybody.

His gullibility is astounding. No matter how many times it's happened before, Chris is easily led around by trolls promising [[china]] or threatening [[Sonichu|his]] [[Copyright|identity]]. The earlier trolling schemes (such as [[Blanca]], [[PandaHalo]] and [[Jimmy Hill]]) got Chris to jump through hoops and exposed so much information about Chris and his personality that they had to start a [[CWCki|wiki]] to keep track of it all.

In 2009 and 2010, Chris has slowly begun to "learn" to distrust trolls or to keep more of his [[PSN|information]] secure. However, many of his trolls believe this is akin to putting a shock collar on an animal. Eventually, in order to stop being shocked (not because they actually understand or care) an animal will start doing as it is told.

===Hubris: The Pride Before the Fall===
[[Image:NeitherOfUs.jpg|thumb|It's fair to say that Chris is a narcissist.]]
{{quote|I'd say... I'd say I'm all around. You see, the problem is that I have too many skills that I am good at. You might say that I am a jack of all trades and a master of none.|Chris, [[Mumble 3|right about that last part]]}}
Numerous times, Chris has shown that he believes he has powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal [[slow-in-the-minds|autistics]]. In fact, this attitude has transcended self-confidence and erupted into full-blown hubris: Chris is convinced that his [[Chris and writing|writing]], [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|musical]] [[Guitar Hero|talents]], and [[Chris and art|art]] are not just competitive with his peers, but clearly superior.

And he doesn't just have the power to create: his is also the power to destroy. This line of thinking is exemplified by Chris's acceptance that [[Ryan Cash]] committed suicide just because he withheld ''Sonichu'' updates, and would worsen when he believed that his [[curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curse]] actually caused [[Liquid Chris]] and [[Mary Lee Walsh]] to have some sort of horror befall them.

But those are just the most insane moments of cognitive dissonance. What about the time he went into hysterics when he didn't get recognition for his art at high school graduation?

{{quote|I should have been Highly Recognized for my ARTISTIC TALENTS I showed in my Many Art Classes for the Award Ceremonies before Graduation Day. I felt crestfallen greatly from not getting recognized for any of my Talents. I EXCELLED IN MATH TOO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!|Chris, on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Graduation|Wikipedia page]]}}

Or his reaction to losing the [[Adam Stackhouse|Parappa Contest]]?

{{quote|So that SWORN ON MY AUTISM, JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED TO THE SEVEN PEOPLE OF THOSE FOUR VIDEOS!!!!|Chris, on the [http://web.archive.org/web/20070830114517/http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm Sonichu Site]}}
[[Image:How chris sees himself.jpg|thumb|What Chris sees when he looks in the mirror.]]
All of the above is consistent with the behavior of small children, who, isolated from the real world by a lack of comprehension and limited mobility, believe themselves to be godlike beings. This belief is gradually destroyed as the child goes to school and encounters outside authority, leading to their acknowledgment of the fact that they are, in fact, ordinary people. Of course, since Chris is not only autistic but also [[Barbara|extremely sheltered]], he still manages to cling to this belief by focusing on specific aspects of his life and constructing [[CWCville|elaborate fantasy worlds]]. This is also probably why he sees mundane chores as [[Father Call|horrific trials of strength and will]]. In psychological terms, this can be referred to as 'psychological neoteny,' which is basically the retention of juvenile traits well into physical maturity.

Also consistent with his childlike mindset is his apparent belief that he has supernatural powers. In Freudian terms, this is referred to as 'omnipotence of thought'. Basically, Chris cherry-picks elements of his life in order to validate his fantasy of control, which is more systematically displayed in the Sonichu comics. Taking this into consideration, it's likely that [[Magi-Chan]] is yet another Mary Sue for Chris, serving as a kind of avatar for his desire for ultimate authority. Why he felt it necessary to make [[Reginald Sneasel|yet]] another [[Sonichu (character)|character]] to fill this role is unclear, considering he's already established [[Chris-chan Sonichu|himself]] as the one true God of [[CWCville]].

Another aspect of Chris's arrogance, and again caused by his childish way of viewing [[Virginia|the world]], is visible in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|a phone call]] with Alec Benson Leary, creator of [[Asperchu]]. In the call it is obvious Chris does not follow a mature procedure for developing a stance on issues. Where normally an individual will learn information about the issue and from there decide how they feel about that issue, Chris does it the other way around and decides how he feels about something, then refuses to believe, understand, or even humor any evidence to the contrary. While most people have very strong beliefs in some issues, so much so that they automatically have a prejudice against people believing differently (E.G. [[Barack Obama|politics]], [[religion]], etc.), Chris has this perspective on everything. He takes a position on matters, then finds ways to back it up and ignores all evidence for the opposing viewpoint. For example, Chris has decided [[homos]] are bad, so he selectively finds [[Leviticus|information]] that backs up his stance on the matter and ignores anything anyone will tell him about why his homophobia is bad and makes him a bad person. He will then go as far as to pretend he can [[Sonichu_10#Curing_Da_Homos|cure homosexuality]] with his own blood. Unless disliking homosexuals means he [[I'm_Sorry,_Dude|may not get laid]].

This is most obvious when he takes two contrary positions about a similar topic. The obvious example of this is Chris's understanding of the way [[parody]] functions. Chris will defend his right to make Sonichu to the hilt by claiming it is a [[Parody#Hypocrisy|parody]], but he then states that Asperchu is a bad thing because it is a parody. As you can see, Chris has decided that he has every right to make Sonichu so he backs this up with statements about his right to parody existing trademarked characters, but conversely he has decided Asperchu is bad, so he supports this position by stating it is a parody of his legitimate work.

===Materialism===

{{quote|I want Julie! Yeah, love is my first priority, but then- but then I want my stuff back!|Chris, caring more about his precious PSN Account and Sonichu website, more than his [[troll|sweetheart]].}}

It is clear that Chris is a materialist (a common symptom of Narcissistic Personality Disorder), buying large amounts of crap that make him feel good about himself, and by some twisted form of reality make him think that his unhealthy amount of children toys might attract a [[sweetheart]], when in reality any human being would clearly see that this man is [[Naïve|delusional]]. He also doesn't seem to have a problem with not working but getting [[money]] for sitting on his ass anyway, claiming he can get more from his [[tugboat]] than he could at an actual job.

===Tender Misanthropy===

A "tender misanthrope" is, by definition, "someone who despises humanity in general, but is ever ready to make an exception for the ''real'' people". In other words, an egotist who pretends to be benevolent. While it's obvious that Chris is an egotist, he truly believes that he's benevolent. He is the perfect example of a tender misanthrope, screaming death threats at what he knows of humanity (seeing as the only social contact he gets is from the [[Internet]]) while also believing that he is a kind, loving person who can [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|give advice]] and [[Pedofork|act as a role model for children]].

Another part of the definition states that "a tender misanthrope feels certain of being able to love real people if only they could be found - or, failing that, [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up|to transform existing false people into idealized ''real'' people]] through social and political programs of the tender misanthrope's own making". The way that Chris treats [[homos]], seeing as he hates them all ([[Mailbag_53#Well,_that_makes_everything_better!|no matter what he says]]) and wants to turn them straight by placing them into co-ed prisons, reprogramming them into straights via concentration camps, or by creating a vaccine that "cures" homosexuality, certainly fits this description. The fact that he also generalizes trolls as homos also supports this. If that does not convince you that Chris feels he can make people into what he can emotionally attach himself to, there are also other obvious examples in his unique delivery of his intentions.

===Disregard of rules of conduct online===

{{quote|DO NOT DELETE, NOR CENSOR, MY BOMBASTIC PROTEST!!!!!!|Chris, in [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#4 September|Encyclopedia Dramatica]]}}

Chris has little regard for the rules of online communities; when he joins up on websites, he tends to do things his way. He assumes that his own niche in these websites is under his absolute control: for example, he assumed that [[Wikipedia]] would allow him to post anything on his personal user page, or that [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] would remove material critical to him if he just asked not-so-nicely. Sites like [[deviantART]] and [[YouTube]] allow community participation; Chris simply disallowed comments, or later on, just ignored every comment he received. Chris also assumes that when other people host websites for him (in case of [[CWCipedia]]), he's given the final say on all matters. His record for getting permabanned is currently at two weeks on [[Flipnote Hatena]] when he foolishly tried to re-upload Flipnotes that had been removed for breaking the rules (without bothering to find out why they had been removed in the first place).

==War against the ego==
One of the main forces opposing Chris's ego are the [[white knight]]s. These [[slow-in-the-minds|misguided souls]] have attempted to get Chris to understand that what he's doing is ridiculous and that he needs to grow up. Instead, he brushed them all aside, assuring himself that he was [[Honest Content|TRUE and HONEST]], and could do no wrong. One of the more popular white knights, [[Vivian Gee]], became a troll when she couldn't get through to Chris.

When asked to get [[Chris and psychology|real, psychiatric help]], Chris has said that his church counselor, [[Rocky Shoemaker]], is enough for him, and that she could do so much more than someone with ''an actual degree in that field.'' He seems to believe that because her title includes the word "counselor," she is every bit as qualified as a real doctor (the fact that most pastoral counselors see people for free probably helps as well, since Chris would never spend part of his precious [[monthly tugboat]] on something useful when there are [[video games]] to buy).

==Examples of Chris's Ego in the Real World and in the Comic==
[[Image:SchuComic8P68.jpg|thumb|250px|[[Jiggliami]] sums it up nicely]]
{{Main|Examples of Chris's Ego}}
{{clear}}
==References==
<references/>

{{Health problems}}
{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and his ego

2010-07-11T12:33:43Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Narcissistic Personality Disorder */

{{quote|Firstly, YOU WISH YOU WERE ME...|Chris, [[Mailbag 10#Rejected Mailbag|Mailbag 10 (Rejected)]]}}

{{quote|For every one that exalteth himself shall be humbled; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.|[[Chris and religion|Luke 14:11 (English Revised Version)]], really hitting the nail on the head}}

'''Egotism''', out of all of Chris's flaws, is the most important and self-destructive. It is this egotism that may one day lead to someone playing [[Kick the Autistic]] in real life.
[[Image:SchuComic0P44.jpg|thumb|'''egotism''', (noun): the belief that your pain (getting kicked out of the mall for being creepy) trumps all others (divorce and loss of beloved children)]]
==Origins==
Why is Chris such an egotist? In his sheltered childhood, his enabling parents taught him to shift blame for all of his troubles to other people. A sense of entitlement, again homegrown, skewed his perception of the proportionality between his problems and those of other people. Chris doesn't completely lack empathy; he isn't a sociopath, but the internal 'scale' by which he weighs the importance of himself against others tilts far in his favor. His autism compounded the problem by making it difficult for him to understand social cues and relate normally to his peers. [[Chris_and_reality#Outside_of_the_comics|He grew up in a different world.]]

But that explains why Chris ''was'' an egotist, ''struggled with'' egotism, or ''has tendencies towards'' egotism. While Chris's childhood was less than ideal, it shouldn't have been quite so crippling. Time and experience should have helped temper his ego, but Chris's development appears to have completely stopped altogether. Chris is still an egotist because he lives in a social time capsule that has allowed him to carry on for the better part of a decade without a single life lesson. And he still lives in that time capsule because it is easy, it is comfortable, and people let him.

===The Enablers===
[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|Exhibit A]]
{{quote|He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.|Proverbs 13:24}}
Chris's parents are enablers ''par excellence''. There is no earthly reason why (barring unrelated catastrophes) a man that is almost 30 years old and has autism should live at home with his parents, specially when his autism is as "high functioning" as Chris's activity and his documentation exemplify it to be. Adults with far more crippling mental health problems (from emotional disorders to mental retardation) live far more independently than Chris does, whether alone, alone with supervision, or in group homes.

For children like Chris, public school special education is generally geared toward helping the child understand how their disorder affects their lives, and what strategies they can use to minimize its impact. This is a well-documented and well-supported strategy, but it relies on "buy-in." Chris's parents clearly never bought into these strategies, because they never fostered any interest in instilling any form of independence in Chris, thus undermining the entire regimen of special education and ending up with a man-child with entitlement issues.

===Monthly Tugboat===
{{Main|Chris and Money}}

{{quote|My father helped me get my Social Security set up; I get more a month than I could at a job. | Chris, taking pride in being a lazy fuck.}}

Chris receives welfare from the government; a [[monthly tugboat|"monthly tugboat"]] as he calls it. Although intended for people who were unable to work, Chris continues to abuse the welfare system due to the fact that he is simply unwilling to work on anything except drawing [[Sonichu (comic)|his shitty comic]], [[Video games|playing video games]], and [[Love Quest|trying to find a girlfriend.]]

Regardless of whether Chris is abusing the welfare system, his parents are abusing it through him, or the system itself is flawed, the fact remains that the monthly tugboat that he receives is a major factor in making Chris's lifestyle—and thus his worldview—sustainable.

===Blind Luck and the Cherry Picking Fallacy===
[[Image:SlamAttack.jpg|thumb|Local Boy Levels Up]]
[[Image:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|thumb|left|Article in PVCC's ''Forum'', proof that some people have too much time on their hands.]]
[[Image:Famewhore.jpg|thumb|McIntire Park]]
A [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes|contest]] or [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|two]] here; a [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews|two-second local TV blip]] there. The results are that outside events most people never experience have stroked Chris's already monstrous ego.

Consider that Chris has produced a ''huge'' volume of fanmail, letters-to-the-editor, internet commentary, and other drivel. Each letter to Nintendo is a message in a bottle: most of them never return, but the one that does—on an official letterhead, and addressed to Mr. C. W. Chandler—is confirmation of his celebrity.<ref>[[An Official Sonichu Update]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Yeah...it says here that, uh, yeah...they—th—it goes on to say that:

:"Nintendo of America has some of the most devoted, enthusiastic fans of any game developer. Each week, they receive, uh, hundreds of thousands of suggestions about their games and systems. While they would love to, uh, use ideas from f—fa—from fans to develop actual products, due to the volume of the, uh, requests they receive and the resources it would take to process them, they do not accept unsolicited game or product ideas. But they are committed to being at the leading edge of game and hardware development, though, and they can be sure that they are constantly at work developing new and exciting products and game ideas."

Now, uh, here's the interesting part...where they quote about how I can actually...go further about ch—about them changing their minds and actually accepting the idea and helping me, uh, makin' it—makin' it totally real...with the video games and the TV animations and the action figures, and...officially-released—my personally-approved...medals... ''[...]'' they say that, uh, the best way to let other fans know about my idea or to generate hype about the future game I'd like to see is to post the ideas to the forums on their sites.}} 

As if Chris didn't think his material was golden to begin with, he got a second nod from ''Nintendo Power'' for his epic [[Animal Crossing Documentary]], and a page in [[PVCC]]'s ''Forum'' as icing on the cake. Even before his e-fame, Chris had plenty of evidence to convince himself that he ''was'' creative, and not just a high-volume, whiny jerk that had pestered his way to acknowledgment. As he graduated from PVCC in 2006, his writing shows that [[Sonichu]] was, in his mind, already tested: there was just some small threshold of notoriety or connections that needed to be breached, in order to become a true media sensation.

On top of that, Chris has a huge amount of free time to inject himself into situations like the [[McIntire Park]] meetings, which allows him to cherry-pick more moments of recognition. A tongue-in-cheek acknowledgment by the local council seems cute to us, but is serious business to him. And since Chris cherry-picks only the reinforcement that he wants, his legions of [[troll]]s just add to the fire. Delusion has led him to believe that he has a legion of fans; a few hundred emails in his inbox confirm it.

==Narcissistic Personality Disorder==
[[Image:Narcissus.jpg|thumb|TRUE and HONEST artist's depiction.]]
It's entirely possible however, that Chris suffers from [[Wikipedia:Narcissistic personality disorder|Narcissistic personality disorder]], whose diagnosis criteria detail many of the characteristics that Chris exhibits.

{{quotebox|The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fourth edition, DSM IV-TR, a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines narcissistic personality disorder (in Axis II Cluster B) as:

A pervasive pattern of [[CWCville|grandiosity]] (in fantasy or behavior), [[True and Loyal Fanbase|need]] [[Love Quest|for]] [[Barbara|admiration]], and [[Autism|lack]] [[Chris and remorse|of]] [[Chris and death|empathy]], beginning by [[PVCC|early adulthood]] and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1.has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., [[Art|exaggerates]] [[Honor roll|achievements]] [[CADD|and]] [[Sonichu (comic)|talents]], expects to be recognized as superior without [[China|commensurate achievements]])

2.is preoccupied with fantasies of [[Sonichu|unlimited success]], [[CWCville|power]], [[Honor roll|brilliance]], [[Chris and fashion|beauty]], or [[Sweetheart from the ground up|ideal love]]

3.believes that he or she is [[Autistic|"special"]] and [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|unique]] and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or [[Shigeru Miyamoto|high-status people]] (or [[Chris and the industry|institutions]])

4.requires excessive [[Fanbase|admiration]]

5.has a sense of [[Barbara|entitlement]], i.e., unreasonable expectations of [[Hanky panky|especially]] [[Honor Roll|favorable]] treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

6.is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., [[Cole Smithey|takes advantage of others]] to achieve his or her [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|own ends]]

7. [[Chris and death|lacks empathy]]: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the [[Megan|feelings and needs]] [[Wallflower|of others]]

8. is [[Adam Stackhouse|often envious of others]] or believes [[JERKS|others]] are [[Kick the Autistic|envious]] of him or her

9.shows [[Mailbag|arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes]]}}

As you can see, these criteria describe Chris's ego, right down to the sense of entitlement. Then again, many of the symptoms described match a typical diagnosis of autism. He may have both.

==Manifestations==

Chris's egotism manifests itself in many ways.

===Unwarranted Self-Importance===
[[Image:Apology_to_Mary_Lee.jpg|thumb|Very gracious.]]
:''See also: [[True and Loyal Fanbase]]''
{{quote|I have had way over a million fans worldwide since I went online in before 2000.|-Chris, [[Mailbag 48]]}}
As overwhelming as Chris's unwarranted self-importance is, it's easy for the novice [[troll|observer]] to get lost in the sea of [[Sonichu]] shit and assume that he's just confident in his e-fame. "Of course," you say, "he's got a billion hits on [[YouTube]] and a thousand emails in his mailbox. He's going to think he's hot shit, like every other retard on the [[DeviantArt|internet]]."

But nothing sums up Chris's deep and abiding USI like this missive to [[Mary Lee Walsh]]:<ref>[[Mary Lee Walsh#Emails with Mary|Emails with Mary]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Mary, I've slept on it, and [[Barbara|I have realized that note-hanging is not the way to get attention]]. And I don't really want to meet with either you nor Susan, no offense. I'll tell you what, let's forget the meeting, and if you will allow my newsletter to stay in distribution, I will do all of the following:

*I will never hang notes on the wall again.
*I'll consider stopping my Silent Treatment on Susan.
*I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my [[scale of Respect]] each by 2 points (0=No Respect...10=Respect).

Please reply via E-Mail.

Christian C.}}

E-fame just adds a whole new dimension. He was a misunderstood genius before; now he's a misunderstood genius with a [[personal army]]:

{{quote|III'M. WOR-KIN'. ON IT! LET ME DO THAT STUPID VIDEO SO I CAN TELL [[True and Loyal Fanbase|E'RRYBODY, IN MY COMMAND]], TO GET EVERYTHIN'- HELP ME GET EVERYTHIN' OFF THE INTERNET!|Chris, [[THAT IS MY HOUSE]]}}

It's so bad now that when Chris meets someone new who claims not to know who he is, he seems skeptical and surprised.<ref>Exchange with the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Meet the Pickle .2801:21:44 - 01:25:29.29|Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>

{{quote|Y'all should know me by now, but if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, the original creator of Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon, back on March 17th, 2000.|Chris, in his [[CWC's Second Message|second YouTube video]]}}

The instant-gratification, instant-acknowledgment, and instant-attention--good or bad--that has come with his minor e-fame of the last few years has thoroughly convinced Chris that people ''do'' read everything he writes, and that his YouTube messages ''invariably'' get to his target audience.

===Persecution Complex===
[[Image:Issue4.jpg|thumb|Saint CWC the Martyr.]]

Chris has a lot of problems, and even the ones he [[lie|"takes responsibility for"]] are still out of his hands. His [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|school]] was [[Kick the Autistic|mean to him]], he didn't deserve that [[Song of Christian|F in English]] or the one in [[CADD Chef|CADD]], ''and'' he doesn't deserve the 24/7 [[troll]]ing, among other things.

And if that wasn't enough, he thinks every authority figure in the land is conspiring against his [[Love Quest]]:

{{quote|Then in Mid-October, the Quote/Unquote "Dean of Student Services," Mary Lee Walsh, approached me and pulled my sign away from me and told me, "You're NOT ALLOWED TO FIND TRUE LOVE HERE." MY HEART WAS SHATTERED that very moment.|Chris, on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Enter_the_Wicked_Witch_of_the_Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens|Wikipedia userpage]]}}

It doesn't help that he's engaged in a quagmire of a war against the [[homo]] rumors that those DAMNED TROLLS keep spreading about him, with a second front versus the [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] violating [[Liquid Chris|thieves]].

{{quote|It's out of my control! I don't know where to go! I DUNNO KNOW WHERE TA GO!|Chris, THAT IS MY HOUSE}}

It has never—and likely ''will'' never occur to him that he needs to go ''outside'', get a job, and get off the damned internet.

After the release of [[100 2178|May 8 video]] in which Chris blames the Greene County's school board for pretty much every misfortune in life (from being banned from [[The GAMe PLACe]], to [[Autism|being the social outcast we all know and hate]]) thereby cementing the notion that Chris will never take responsibility for his actions.

===Naïveté===
Chris's simple-mindedness and gullibility are legendary. The man is like the Sith: he only deals in absolutes. Either you're with him or you're a [[troll]]. This has been very obvious in his answers to the [[Mailbag]], where he refuses to listen to any talk—even from professionals—about the similarities between [[Asperger Syndrome]] and [[autism]], denies that there are any shortcomings in his [[Sonichu (comic)|work]], and shrugs off any advice about how to improve his health or appearance, labeling anyone who suggests he has any kind of shortcoming a troll.

Chris equates [[honesty]] with divulging every last detail about his life. Nothing is too candid for Chris- getting haircuts, drinking his own [[navy]], [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shitting his pants]], or even giving away his phone number and home address! The only thing he hasn't done with wild abandon is give away his social security number and when that happens, it probably won't be a surprise to anybody.

His gullibility is astounding. No matter how many times it's happened before, Chris is easily led around by trolls promising [[china]] or threatening [[Sonichu|his]] [[Copyright|identity]]. The earlier trolling schemes (such as [[Blanca]], [[PandaHalo]] and [[Jimmy Hill]]) got Chris to jump through hoops and exposed so much information about Chris and his personality that they had to start a [[CWCki|wiki]] to keep track of it all.

In 2009 and 2010, Chris has slowly begun to "learn" to distrust trolls or to keep more of his [[PSN|information]] secure. However, many of his trolls believe this is akin to putting a shock collar on an animal. Eventually, in order to stop being shocked (not because they actually understand or care) an animal will start doing as it is told.

===Hubris: The Pride Before the Fall===
[[Image:NeitherOfUs.jpg|thumb|It's fair to say that Chris is a narcissist.]]
{{quote|I'd say... I'd say I'm all around. You see, the problem is that I have too many skills that I am good at. You might say that I am a jack of all trades and a master of none.|Chris, [[Mumble 3|right about that last part]]}}
Numerous times, Chris has shown that he believes he has powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal [[slow-in-the-minds|autistics]]. In fact, this attitude has transcended self-confidence and erupted into full-blown hubris: Chris is convinced that his [[Chris and writing|writing]], [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|musical]] [[Guitar Hero|talents]], and [[Chris and art|art]] are not just competitive with his peers, but clearly superior.

And he doesn't just have the power to create: his is also the power to destroy. This line of thinking is exemplified by Chris's acceptance that [[Ryan Cash]] committed suicide just because he withheld ''Sonichu'' updates, and would worsen when he believed that his [[curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curse]] actually caused [[Liquid Chris]] and [[Mary Lee Walsh]] to have some sort of horror befall them.

But those are just the most insane moments of cognitive dissonance. What about the time he went into hysterics when he didn't get recognition for his art at high school graduation?

{{quote|I should have been Highly Recognized for my ARTISTIC TALENTS I showed in my Many Art Classes for the Award Ceremonies before Graduation Day. I felt crestfallen greatly from not getting recognized for any of my Talents. I EXCELLED IN MATH TOO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!|Chris, on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Graduation|Wikipedia page]]}}

Or his reaction to losing the [[Adam Stackhouse|Parappa Contest]]?

{{quote|So that SWORN ON MY AUTISM, JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED TO THE SEVEN PEOPLE OF THOSE FOUR VIDEOS!!!!|Chris, on the [http://web.archive.org/web/20070830114517/http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm Sonichu Site]}}
[[Image:How chris sees himself.jpg|thumb|What Chris sees when he looks in the mirror.]]
All of the above is consistent with the behavior of small children, who, isolated from the real world by a lack of comprehension and limited mobility, believe themselves to be godlike beings. This belief is gradually destroyed as the child goes to school and encounters outside authority, leading to their acknowledgment of the fact that they are, in fact, ordinary people. Of course, since Chris is not only autistic but also [[Barbara|extremely sheltered]], he still manages to cling to this belief by focusing on specific aspects of his life and constructing [[CWCville|elaborate fantasy worlds]]. This is also probably why he sees mundane chores as [[Father Call|horrific trials of strength and will]]. In psychological terms, this can be referred to as 'psychological neoteny,' which is basically the retention of juvenile traits well into physical maturity.

Also consistent with his childlike mindset is his apparent belief that he has supernatural powers. In Freudian terms, this is referred to as 'omnipotence of thought'. Basically, Chris cherry-picks elements of his life in order to validate his fantasy of control, which is more systematically displayed in the Sonichu comics. Taking this into consideration, it's likely that [[Magi-Chan]] is yet another Mary Sue for Chris, serving as a kind of avatar for his desire for ultimate authority. Why he felt it necessary to make [[Reginald Sneasel|yet]] another [[Sonichu (character)|character]] to fill this role is unclear, considering he's already established [[Chris-chan Sonichu|himself]] as the one true God of [[CWCville]].

Another aspect of Chris's arrogance, and again caused by his childish way of viewing [[Virginia|the world]], is visible in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|a phone call]] with Alec Benson Leary, creator of [[Asperchu]]. In the call it is obvious Chris does not follow a mature procedure for developing a stance on issues. Where normally an individual will learn information about the issue and from there decide how they feel about that issue, Chris does it the other way around and decides how he feels about something, then refuses to believe, understand, or even humor any evidence to the contrary. While most people have very strong beliefs in some issues, so much so that they automatically have a prejudice against people believing differently (E.G. [[Barack Obama|politics]], [[religion]], etc.), Chris has this perspective on everything. He takes a position on matters, then finds ways to back it up and ignores all evidence for the opposing viewpoint. For example, Chris has decided [[homos]] are bad, so he selectively finds [[Leviticus|information]] that backs up his stance on the matter and ignores anything anyone will tell him about why his homophobia is bad and makes him a bad person. He will then go as far as to pretend he can [[Sonichu_10#Curing_Da_Homos|cure homosexuality]] with his own blood. Unless disliking homosexuals means he [[I'm_Sorry,_Dude|may not get laid]].

This is most obvious when he takes two contrary positions about a similar topic. The obvious example of this is Chris's understanding of the way [[parody]] functions. Chris will defend his right to make Sonichu to the hilt by claiming it is a [[Parody#Hypocrisy|parody]], but he then states that Asperchu is a bad thing because it is a parody. As you can see, Chris has decided that he has every right to make Sonichu so he backs this up with statements about his right to parody existing trademarked characters, but conversely he has decided Asperchu is bad, so he supports this position by stating it is a parody of his legitimate work.

===Materialism===

{{quote|I want Julie! Yeah, love is my first priority, but then- but then I want my stuff back!|Chris, caring more about his precious PSN Account and Sonichu website, more than his [[troll|sweetheart]].}}

It is clear that Chris is a materialist (a common symptom of Narcissistic Personality Disorder), buying large amounts of crap that make him feel good about himself, and by some twisted form of reality make him think that his unhealthy amount of children toys might attract a [[sweetheart]], when in reality any human being would clearly see that this man is [[Naïve|delusional]]. He also doesn't seem to have a problem with not working but getting [[money]] for sitting on his ass anyway, claiming he can get more from his [[tugboat]] than he could at an actual job.

===Tender Misanthropy===

A "tender misanthrope" is, by definition, "someone who despises humanity in general, but is ever ready to make an exception for the ''real'' people". In other words, an egotist who pretends to be benevolent. While it's obvious that Chris is an egotist, he truly believes that he's benevolent. He is the perfect example of a tender misanthrope, screaming death threats at what he knows of humanity (seeing as the only social contact he gets is from the [[Internet]]) while also believing that he is a kind, loving person who can [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|give advice]] and [[Pedofork|act as a role model for children]].

Another part of the definition states that "a tender misanthrope feels certain of being able to love real people if only they could be found - or, failing that, [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up|to transform existing false people into idealized ''real'' people]] through social and political programs of the tender misanthrope's own making". The way that Chris treats [[homos]], seeing as he hates them all ([[Mailbag_53#Well,_that_makes_everything_better!|no matter what he says]]) and wants to turn them straight by placing them into co-ed prisons, reprogramming them into straights via concentration camps, or by creating a vaccine that "cures" homosexuality, certainly fits this description. The fact that he also generalizes trolls as homos also supports this. If that does not convince you that Chris feels he can make people into what he can emotionally attach himself to, there are also other obvious examples in his unique delivery of his intentions.

===Disregard of rules of conduct online===

{{quote|DO NOT DELETE, NOR CENSOR, MY BOMBASTIC PROTEST!!!!!!|Chris, in [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#4 September|Encyclopedia Dramatica]]}}

Chris has little regard for the rules of online communities; when he joins up on websites, he tends to do things his way. He assumes that his own niche in these websites is under his absolute control: for example, he assumed that [[Wikipedia]] would allow him to post anything on his personal user page, or that [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] would remove material critical to him if he just asked not-so-nicely. Sites like [[deviantART]] and [[YouTube]] allow community participation; Chris simply disallowed comments, or later on, just ignored every comment he received. Chris also assumes that when other people host websites for him (in case of [[CWCipedia]]), he's given the final say on all matters. His record for getting permabanned is currently at two weeks on [[Flipnote Hatena]] when he foolishly tried to re-upload Flipnotes that had been removed for breaking the rules (without bothering to find out why they had been removed in the first place).

==War against the ego==
One of the main forces opposing Chris's ego are the [[white knight]]s. These [[slow-in-the-minds|misguided souls]] have attempted to get Chris to understand that what he's doing is ridiculous and that he needs to grow up. Instead, he brushed them all aside, assuring himself that he was [[Honest Content|TRUE and HONEST]], and could do no wrong. One of the more popular white knights, [[Vivian Gee]], became a troll when she couldn't get through to Chris.

When asked to get [[Chris and psychology|real, psychiatric help]], Chris has said that his church counselor, [[Rocky Shoemaker]], is enough for him, and that she could do so much more than someone with ''an actual degree in that field.'' He seems to believe that because her title includes the word "counselor," she is every bit as qualified as a real doctor (the fact that most pastoral counselors see people for free probably helps as well, since Chris would never spend part of his precious [[monthly tugboat]] on something useful when there are [[video games]] to buy).

==Examples of Chris's Ego in the Real World and in the Comic==
[[Image:SchuComic8P68.jpg|thumb|250px|[[Jiggliami]] sums it up nicely]]
{{Main|Examples of Chris's Ego}}
{{clear}}
==References==
<references/>

{{Health problems}}
{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Speech impediment

2010-07-11T12:29:40Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Symptoms */

[[Chris]] has an unusual manner of speaking, between his strong regional dialect and what appear to be genuine impairments.

==History==
Chris's speech impediment appears to have worsened over time — he spoke clearly and normally in his [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch %26 Win Sweepstakes|earlier]] videos, while his stuttering has increased significantly since then.

Likely causes include troll-induced [[stress]] and the lack of conversational company not already accustomed to Chris's speaking tendencies.

Chris's problems in verbal communication potentially stem from either the extended period of "muteness" he went through during his childhood or his [[autism]], a disorder which often results in speech difficulties. Chris's written communication generally tends to be significantly more coherent and grammatically correct than how he speaks. While writing, he has more time and freedom to determine what he says.

==Non-Symptoms==
Slang such as "Y'all," and "'em," and contracting the "g" of words ending in "-ing" is typical in dialects of the southeastern United States, Chris's native region.

Chris sometimes mispronounces names (such as [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] and [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]) due to his his ignorance of their proper pronunciation rather than impairments in speaking ability.

==Symptoms==
Chris's diction is naturally staggered, interspersed with pauses, deep breaths, "um," "uh," and "hm." The pauses and deep breaths, used in speech therapy, suggest that Chris has had his speech impediment professionally treated at some point. Chris's protracted style of speaking seems to make it easier for him to lose his thought, stray off topic, or forget to include certain segments of his thoughts. However, in the [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnotes]] he has made, his speech is surprisingly fluent, with no "ums" or "uhs". However, this is probably because he is being timed to do it, so there's little time to stop.

During the conversation with [[Kacey]]'s dad, Chris claimed to pause before speaking in order to "spellcheck" what he is saying. This implies that Chris needs to consciously plan what he is going to say or else he is unable to say it; this suggests that Chris's difficulty with speech stems from poor contact between the speech centers of his brain and his cerebellum, a common characteristic of [[autism]]. Ironically, Chris clearly [[Chris and Writing|doesn't spellcheck his ''written'' work.]]

Like small children, Chris has a tendency to speak too quickly, run words into one another, and slur words. For example, Chris's pronunciation of "[[Encyclopedia Dramatica|Ensykapeia Dramakka paysh]]".
Chris sometimes mixes up the pieces of multiple word phrases, resulting in statements like "rell-wested." <ref>[[Ode to Julie]]</ref>

Chris has difficulty pronouncing the letter "X" and related sounds, pronouncing it as an "s" sound. This indicates trouble with consonants.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See Also==
[[Chris and English]]

{{Health problems}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

File:FAF-06092010.jpg

2010-07-11T12:23:08Z

Hamsterjelly:

Chris at Friday After Five, 9 July, 2010.
Apparently, he's gotten a haircut.

Obesity

2010-07-10T06:41:25Z

Hamsterjelly:

{{Merge|Chris and Health}}
[[Image:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|A fine example of severe obesity.]]
[[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|thumb|180px|PROTIP: The Atkins Diet doesn't work, [[Barb|fatty]].]]

{{quote|One more thing, [[Chris and reality|I AM NOT OVERWEIGHT!!!!!!!!!]]|Chris, lying to [[White knight emails|White Knight]]}}

'''Obesity''' is perceived to be a worldwide epidemic, especially in America, with about 64% of adults overweight and 26% obese. This is especially apparent in the [[14 Branchland Court|Chandler home]], in which 100% of its residents are fucking fat. [[Chris]], [[Barbara]] and even their cat, [[Desi Chandler|Desi]].

Chris seems to be in denial about his own obesity. His denial is evidenced by the fact that he portrays himself as [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|a slim, barrel-chested hero]] in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]] and in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], when he describes himself as "[[Lies|fit as a fiddle]]".

Another example of this was when he created a character for his comics named [[Sammy]], who Chris stated is based off him when he "temporary gained weight, Became stupid, and went to watch television at ghost command", even though he has always been this way. Except, y'know, for the ghost command part. But that's a whole other problem.

== Exercise ==
[[Image:Cwcspin.gif|right|Exercise]]

Chris believes that exercise involves standing up without moving, and thus considers playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' a workout. During one of his [[PSN]] chats with Julie, when asked to exercise more, he replied, "I'll stand up more". It is not known how Chris came to believe that standing up is exercise, but it is most likely that Chris is simply extremely lazy and will lie to say that he works out every day, even though he just plays vidya. It's possible he's picked it up from health tips that say standing burns more calories than sitting down,<ref>http://www.rd.com/living-healthy/8-ways-to-burn-calories-without-noticing/article16261.html ''Reader's Digest.'' See tip #3</ref><ref>http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/office-exercise/SM00115 ''Mayo Clinic.'' See tip #2</ref> but rather than use such tips to get the most out of an already busy lifestyle, he substitutes it for actual exercise altogether. It's also entirely possible he's in such terrible shape that the simple act of standing tires him as much as an actual workout would tire a normal human being.

[[Emily]] has said Chris power walks around his neighborhood for thirty minutes and claims it's two miles, then claims to jog for two or three minutes every walk. She then went on to say Chris doesn't know how to jog — he thinks you either walk or run full tilt. It's safe to say he tries to run at "[[Sonic]] speed" for ten seconds, then resumes his leisurely waddle. This theory is confirmed in [[Sonichu's Edge]].

== Actual weight ==
In an IRC fan chat, when asked how much he weighed, Chris replied "about 200 [pounds]". During his phone call with [[Kacey and Liquid Call|Kacey and Liquid Chris]], he angrily denied the suggestion that he weighed as much as 220 lbs (99.79kg), claiming he weighed, "a lot less." One possible explanation is that Chris doesn't know his actual weight. It's anyone's guess as to when he last stepped on a scale. And considering how much fast food he consumes, it is safe to assume he gains a significant amount of weight each year. One might guess he may not have weighed himself since high school (this is a complete guess, based on nothing), in which case, assuming he has bulked up a good amount since then, he would believe he weighs approximately 200 lbs (90.71kg), either being too mentally crippled by autism or being too mentally crippled by his ego to notice how much fatter he has gotten. The only other explanation is that Chris has little to no muscle mass, with a body that is mostly fat (which, considering his lifestyle, this is not unlikely). Considering muscle is heavier than fat, it would be possible for Chris to weigh as little as 200 lbs. Even if he did weigh 200 lbs, his BMI would be 28.7, which is overweight.

Taking Chris's height into consideration (5'10")/(1.524 metres), along with the nude pictures circulating the Internet, a better estimation would be in the mid 200s, closing in on 300 lbs (136.07kg) thanks to his constant consumption of McNuggets and corn syrup. A healthy weight for someone Chris's height would be somewhere around 160 (72.6kg) to 175 lbs (79.37kg), but he's not likely to get that low ever again without the aid of gastric bypass surgery or the amputation of multiple limbs.

Chris has probably asked his [[Barbara Chandler|Mom]] about being fat. Being the coddling cow that she is, she more than likely told him he was a slim and attractive young man (which he is... compared to her).

== Denial ==
[[Image:FattyLOL.jpg|thumb|180px|Horizontal stripes are very slimming!]]

Chris has always been in denial about his weight. A white knight once told him that he needed to lose some weight if he ever wanted to get a girlfriend. Chris responded by freaking out and exclaiming that he wasn't fat. In IRC, Chris has been known to become very defensive about his weight, always making claims that he works out, when in fact he just stands up while playing ''Guitar Hero''. Chris's reaction to being called fat is precisely the same as his reaction to being called gay. Unfortunately for Chris, there isn't a [[Homo#Defenses_against_becoming_homo|poster that will help him lose weight]]. He simply screams that he isn't fat, then oftentimes lies, and calls the person accusing him fat. He exhibited this behavior during an email with [[Evan]], during his phone call with [[Father Call|Kacey's father]], and especially in his conversation with [[Kacey and Liquid Call|Kacey and Liquid Chris]], where insults about his weight triggered a screaming rage.

However, during his original rivalry with [[Liquid Chris]], Chris once finally admitted he was perhaps maybe just a little bit fat, but only because he could use this as proof that he was the ''real'' Christian Weston Chandler. A similar problem arose during the [[Asperchu]] saga, where Chris, in an attempt to prove that Asperchu was a parody of himself, was forced to admit that Asperchu's "Buddha belly" and "man boobs" are similar to his own. More specifically, he acts as though he ''used'' to have a sagging gut, even though he has, in fact, porked up significantly since High School. He chose to focus on this aspect of Asperchu rather than admit his more embarrassing failures the series parodies. He did once admit in a [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|phone call]] with [[Jack Thaddeus]] that he was not fit.

The fact is, Chris has been spoiled so much by his mother, told that he was perfect and muscular so much, that he believes that when he looks in a mirror, he sees a six-pack, whereas what the rest of us see is a fat autistic manchild.

There is also convincing evidence that [[autism|Chris has difficulty recognizing]] the human figure — faces in particular. His consistent representation of himself as slender and athletic may be attributable to his having formed his self-image during high school, when he would spend hours studying his then-scrawnier self in the mirror, memorizing his looks.<ref> [[Sonichu 7]] - [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_7/Page_25 "...I had to train my brain to visually remember what I looked like..."]</ref> Furthermore, [[Blanca]] was able to use pictures of different girls with only basic features in common (e.g., hair color and length) to trick Chris into thinking "she" was the same girl.

In [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]], Chris is seen wearing a [[Muscle bra|sports bra]] and admitting he has manboobs, as well as divulging his size (42in bust, or porn star proportions). Obesity alone doesn't account for the engorged areolas and larger than normal size bust. These are symptoms of [[Wikipedia:Gynecomastia|gynecomastia]], which is caused by a hormonal imbalance. Chris's lack of muscle tone, lack of body hair, and high voice are signs that he may have too much estrogen in his body. Obesity causes the release of even more estrogen. Ergo, a perfect recipe for gynecomastia.

==Places where Chris likes to eat==
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonalds]]
* [[Golden Corral]]
* [[Semen|Bedroom]]

==See also==
* [[Chris and health]]
* [[CWC 30 Push Ups]]
* [[51 50]]
* [[Muscle bra]]
* [[Sonichu's Edge]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{Health problems}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Obesity

2010-07-10T06:37:32Z

Hamsterjelly: liposuction doesn't remove body fat. it shapes the body by removing fat directly under the skin.

{{Merge|Chris and Health}}
[[Image:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|A fine example of severe obesity.]]
[[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|thumb|180px|PROTIP: The Atkins Diet doesn't work, [[Barb|fatty]].]]

{{quote|One more thing, [[Chris and reality|I AM NOT OVERWEIGHT!!!!!!!!!]]|Chris, lying to [[White knight emails|White Knight]]}}

'''Obesity''' is perceived to be a worldwide epidemic, especially in America, with about 64% of adults overweight and 26% obese. This is especially apparent in the [[14 Branchland Court|Chandler home]], in which 100% of its residents are fucking fat. [[Chris]], [[Barbara]] and even their cat, [[Desi Chandler|Desi]].

Chris seems to be in denial about his own obesity. His denial is evidenced by the fact that he portrays himself as [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|a slim, barrel-chested hero]] in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]] and in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]], when he describes himself as "fit as a fiddle".

Another example of this was when he created a character for his comics named [[Sammy]], who Chris stated is based off him when he "temporary gained weight, Became stupid, and went to watch television at ghost command", even though he has always been this way. Except, y'know, for the ghost command part. But that's a whole other problem.

== Exercise ==
[[Image:Cwcspin.gif|right|Exercise]]

Chris believes that exercise involves standing up without moving, and thus considers playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' a workout. During one of his [[PSN]] chats with Julie, when asked to exercise more, he replied, "I'll stand up more". It is not known how Chris came to believe that standing up is exercise, but it is most likely that Chris is simply extremely lazy and will lie to say that he works out every day, even though he just plays vidya. It's possible he's picked it up from health tips that say standing burns more calories than sitting down,<ref>http://www.rd.com/living-healthy/8-ways-to-burn-calories-without-noticing/article16261.html ''Reader's Digest.'' See tip #3</ref><ref>http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/office-exercise/SM00115 ''Mayo Clinic.'' See tip #2</ref> but rather than use such tips to get the most out of an already busy lifestyle, he substitutes it for actual exercise altogether. It's also entirely possible he's in such terrible shape that the simple act of standing tires him as much as an actual workout would tire a normal human being.

[[Emily]] has said Chris power walks around his neighborhood for thirty minutes and claims it's two miles, then claims to jog for two or three minutes every walk. She then went on to say Chris doesn't know how to jog — he thinks you either walk or run full tilt. It's safe to say he tries to run at "[[Sonic]] speed" for ten seconds, then resumes his leisurely waddle. This theory is confirmed in [[Sonichu's Edge]].

== Actual weight ==
In an IRC fan chat, when asked how much he weighed, Chris replied "about 200 [pounds]". During his phone call with [[Kacey and Liquid Call|Kacey and Liquid Chris]], he angrily denied the suggestion that he weighed as much as 220 lbs (99.79kg), claiming he weighed, "a lot less." One possible explanation is that Chris doesn't know his actual weight. It's anyone's guess as to when he last stepped on a scale. And considering how much fast food he consumes, it is safe to assume he gains a significant amount of weight each year. One might guess he may not have weighed himself since high school (this is a complete guess, based on nothing), in which case, assuming he has bulked up a good amount since then, he would believe he weighs approximately 200 lbs (90.71kg), either being too mentally crippled by autism or being too mentally crippled by his ego to notice how much fatter he has gotten. The only other explanation is that Chris has little to no muscle mass, with a body that is mostly fat (which, considering his lifestyle, this is not unlikely). Considering muscle is heavier than fat, it would be possible for Chris to weigh as little as 200 lbs. Even if he did weigh 200 lbs, his BMI would be 28.7, which is overweight.

Taking Chris's height into consideration (5'10")/(1.524 metres), along with the nude pictures circulating the Internet, a better estimation would be in the mid 200s, closing in on 300 lbs (136.07kg) thanks to his constant consumption of McNuggets and corn syrup. A healthy weight for someone Chris's height would be somewhere around 160 (72.6kg) to 175 lbs (79.37kg), but he's not likely to get that low ever again without the aid of gastric bypass surgery or the amputation of multiple limbs.

Chris has probably asked his [[Barbara Chandler|Mom]] about being fat. Being the coddling cow that she is, she more than likely told him he was a slim and attractive young man (which he is... compared to her).

== Denial ==
[[Image:FattyLOL.jpg|thumb|180px|Horizontal stripes are very slimming!]]

Chris has always been in denial about his weight. A white knight once told him that he needed to lose some weight if he ever wanted to get a girlfriend. Chris responded by freaking out and exclaiming that he wasn't fat. In IRC, Chris has been known to become very defensive about his weight, always making claims that he works out, when in fact he just stands up while playing ''Guitar Hero''. Chris's reaction to being called fat is precisely the same as his reaction to being called gay. Unfortunately for Chris, there isn't a [[Homo#Defenses_against_becoming_homo|poster that will help him lose weight]]. He simply screams that he isn't fat, then oftentimes lies, and calls the person accusing him fat. He exhibited this behavior during an email with [[Evan]], during his phone call with [[Father Call|Kacey's father]], and especially in his conversation with [[Kacey and Liquid Call|Kacey and Liquid Chris]], where insults about his weight triggered a screaming rage.

However, during his original rivalry with [[Liquid Chris]], Chris once finally admitted he was perhaps maybe just a little bit fat, but only because he could use this as proof that he was the ''real'' Christian Weston Chandler. A similar problem arose during the [[Asperchu]] saga, where Chris, in an attempt to prove that Asperchu was a parody of himself, was forced to admit that Asperchu's "Buddha belly" and "man boobs" are similar to his own. More specifically, he acts as though he ''used'' to have a sagging gut, even though he has, in fact, porked up significantly since High School. He chose to focus on this aspect of Asperchu rather than admit his more embarrassing failures the series parodies. He did once admit in a [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|phone call]] with [[Jack Thaddeus]] that he was not fit.

The fact is, Chris has been spoiled so much by his mother, told that he was perfect and muscular so much, that he believes that when he looks in a mirror, he sees a six-pack, whereas what the rest of us see is a fat autistic manchild.

There is also convincing evidence that [[autism|Chris has difficulty recognizing]] the human figure — faces in particular. His consistent representation of himself as slender and athletic may be attributable to his having formed his self-image during high school, when he would spend hours studying his then-scrawnier self in the mirror, memorizing his looks.<ref> [[Sonichu 7]] - [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_7/Page_25 "...I had to train my brain to visually remember what I looked like..."]</ref> Furthermore, [[Blanca]] was able to use pictures of different girls with only basic features in common (e.g., hair color and length) to trick Chris into thinking "she" was the same girl.

In [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]], Chris is seen wearing a [[Muscle bra|sports bra]] and admitting he has manboobs, as well as divulging his size (42in bust, or porn star proportions). Obesity alone doesn't account for the engorged areolas and larger than normal size bust. These are symptoms of [[Wikipedia:Gynecomastia|gynecomastia]], which is caused by a hormonal imbalance. Chris's lack of muscle tone, lack of body hair, and high voice are signs that he may have too much estrogen in his body. Obesity causes the release of even more estrogen. Ergo, a perfect recipe for gynecomastia.

==Places where Chris likes to eat==
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[McDonalds]]
* [[Golden Corral]]
* [[Semen|Bedroom]]

==See also==
* [[Chris and health]]
* [[CWC 30 Push Ups]]
* [[51 50]]
* [[Muscle bra]]
* [[Sonichu's Edge]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{Health problems}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Talk:Chris and health

2010-07-10T06:24:02Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Chris's obesity */

Hey we should add a "gallery of fatness" to the bottom of the page with pictures of his horrible fatness.--[[User:Pikimon|Pikimon]] 19:01, 23 July 2009 (CEST)
*That's not such a bad idea, I suppose. What would be best is if you could make them show how much he has ballooned over the years. [[User:Dormiebasne|Dormiebasne]] 21:20, 23 July 2009 (CEST)
**That is an even better idea--[[User:Pikimon|Pikimon]] 23:09, 23 July 2009 (CEST)
*** Damn, I wish he was one of those people who took a photo of himself once a day. Then we could make an animation. [[User:Dann Woolf|Dann Woolf]] 15:33, 16 January 2010 (UTC)

Moved the gallery of hair. --[[User:Garfield|Garfield]] 03:14, 25 July 2009 (CEST)
*Cool!--[[User:Pikimon|Pikimon]] 16:50, 29 July 2009 (CEST)

In Kacey's recollection of her date with Chris, she mentioned how he would sweat profusely just by walking. Where in the article should I add that? --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 21:17, 14 June 2010 (UTC)

== Need to do ==
*Probably move the hair to Sonichu Girls or just make a new page for it, I think it warrants its own page because it also demonstrates MEXICAN SONICHU and poor Spanish
*Also, incorporate chris's coke habits (the drink) http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?n2bjtmemyyj [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 19:33, 29 September 2009 (CEST)

== Chris and Strength? ==

Chris seems to suffer form delusions that he's really strong and a good fighter. I'd go into more depth except that I'm not really strong nor a good fighter. All I know is that he's worse at both than me. --[[User:OFSheep|OFSheep]] 06:26, 13 October 2009 (CEST)

== Weird section ==

The article currently says: "''Chris has probably never had any regular exercise since leaving high school, and the lack of physical activity has contributed to his already ballooning shape. It has also left his skin a frightening white that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room while making videos.''" Now, I'm not a medical professional or anything, but I'm pretty sure exercise level doesn't have much to do with skin color. The second sentence should probably be moved or at least clarified.
*No, I think that's more or less sun. Trust me, if you can get him to push carts during the summer at some Wal-Mart or whatever, his skin'll look a million times better. Of course, we're talking about Chris, who thinks item stockers in retail are "heavyweights".--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 20:24, 7 January 2010 (UTC)
:*I have edited it as such:''"Since he barely leave his house and focus his time on playing videogames, his lack of exposure to the sunlight left his skin a frightening white that starkly contrasts to the dark background of his room while making videos."'' I hope it will please Mr. Anonymous... [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 20:35, 7 January 2010 (UTC)

==So when WAS the last time Chris took a shower?==
Seriously. What was the exact date of Chris's last shower? Considering how much he's divulged about his life it shouldn't be hard to aquire this information. [[User:Dann Woolf|Dann Woolf]] 13:30, 14 January 2010 (UTC)
:*It's not as simple as you think. First, Chris is not the type of camera-whore who would record this. Then, He's in [[Homos|straight]] denial about this as you can read it in the article. Personally, my out-of-nowhere guess would be once a week or when the itching would became impossible to endure. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 15:47, 14 January 2010 (UTC)
:** If a guy is said to be smelling like rotten watermelon or rotting fish in the sun, he's probably not even showering once a MONTH. Has anybody actually ASKED him? [[User:Dann Woolf|Dann Woolf]] 15:31, 16 January 2010 (UTC)
:***Do you think he would listen? Chris had learned over the years that making over-the-top claims and giving assurances of all sorts would allow him to avoid doing any action. So, if we ask him, be sure that he will repeat that he showers daily even if flies drop dead around him due to the stench. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 16:32, 16 January 2010 (UTC)
:****I've been brushing up on my psychology and according to Professor Jean M. Twenge of San Diego University in her book "The Narcissism Epidemic" It illustrates that Narcissists are extremely fragile to criticism and with his autism and child like personality it would be no surprise if chris chan has spent several months/days without showering (just look at that brownish crust on his neck) And I imagine that even if he does he probably doesn't shower thoroughly enough to get rid of his...err aroma.--[[User:Pikimon|Pikimon]] 18:01, 16 January 2010 (UTC)

==Is he in danger of developing diabetes?==

Its just speculation on my part but with a 60 ounces of coke a day habit and whatever other high sugar foods he is eating combined with his obesity as well as the possible hypertension make me wonder if he is at risk. [[User:Shawths|Shawths]]
* It's probably very possible. I mean, the sugar content in McDonald's is high, and in even a 330ml can of Coke (11fl oz. approx.) there is about 60% of an adult's daily sugar allowance.. Maybe if we try and get information from him that we can cross-reference to a list of diabetes symptoms, such as exceptional thirst, dry mouth and frequent urination. [[User_talk:Rubidium|37]] [[User:Rubidium|'''Rb''']] [[Special:Contributions/Rubidium|85.468]] 17:21, 21 February 2010 (UTC)
** Could I maybe send him a letter leading him on to list any of these symptoms in operation Mailbag?[[User:Shawths|Shawths]]
*** Chris is at high risk for pretty much everything that obesity can cause.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 06:46, 26 February 2010 (UTC)
**** Chris is at a higher risk for everything he ignores. Right now, I still think he's on a higher risk of suffering a bad case of staph infection than anything else. He got no notion of hygiene, his immune system is crushed by his lifestyle and he's living in a dump. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 07:31, 26 February 2010 (UTC)
*****Forget staph; he's at risk for freaking leprosy. [[User:Revolver Octopus|Revolver Octopus]] 08:37, 26 February 2010 (UTC)
*It wouldn't be surprising if he had diabetes already. Have you seen his complexion? Early age spots are a possible sign of diabetes and that combined with the fact that he gets tired easily makes me believe that he might already have diabetes. PS I'm a newfag with wikis so I hope this works.
** Protip. Sign your comments by putting <nowiki>~~~~</nowiki> at the end of your comment, so we all know you are AFK4Life. [[User_talk:Rubidium|37]] [[User:Rubidium|'''Rb''']] [[Special:Contributions/Rubidium|85.468]] 09:34, 26 February 2010 (UTC)
*** The reason I suggested a letter was so that we could get a confirmation about the liklyhood of him having diabetes. Although it is probably true. [[User:Shawths|Shawths]] 10:25, 26 Febuary 2010 (UTC)
****This will fail in two distinctive ways; not only he barely take notice of the unpleasant letters in the mailbags but he's also certain that he's the living example of what a healthy man looks like. This being said, I will take great pleasure in knowing he would have to stab himself with a syringe again and again due to a disease caused by his fat ass. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 17:10, 26 February 2010 (UTC)
***** However, considering that Chris is more interested in spending his tugboat money on video games and sex toys, it's more likely that he will fall into a diabetic coma because he didn't want to spend the money on urgent medical supplies. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 17:19, 26 February 2010 (UTC)
****** I will have to disagree with you on this. I am ready to bet that the moment Chris will need insulin or any other medication, not only the said medication will be brought to him freely by the glorious state of Virginia but he will also be followed by a social worker. We have to include the fact that Chris took medication before. In the [[Autism papers]], it is mentioned that he took paxil for four years. So, yes, he can follow a regiment of drugs. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 21:26, 14 June 2010 (UTC)

That's another thing that bothers me--why was he on Paxil? I hear that it treats two things--depression and excessive urination. Either way I want to know what prompted it.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 21:34, 14 June 2010 (UTC)
* Interestingly enough, paxil has been known in some paitents to cause outbursts of anger: http://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=19&m=203440
:It is mainly prescribed to treat depression, but is also occasionally prescribed to individuals who complain of extreme stress. It is possible that the lumberjack and snorlax got Chris a prescription thinking it would mellow him out, or it may be that Chris has been very depressed and the paxil was specifically prescribed to him for his depression. Considering his goals in life, and his chances of achieving them, it is quite likely (even with Chris's limited mental foresight) that he has realized that his goals are almost certainly unachievable, and thus he is depressed. [[User:SargentPickles|SargentPickles]] 18:25, 14 June 2010 (EST)
::It is interesting to see when Chris started taking paxil. If we refer ourselves to the Autism paper (Circa 2004), it tells us that the ManChild was on that medication for the last 4 years. This bring us to the end of his High-School years and his enrolment at the PVCC. There's a possibility that it was suggested to Chris's parents to put him on meds to help him with the transition from one setting to another. After all, autistics love patterns and the loss of those patterns can cause stress and bouts of 'Tard-Rage. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 02:21, 15 June 2010 (UTC)

== Inability to Recognize Faces ==

I think it should be mentioned that the inability to recognize faces is a very common trait of Autism. The fact that Chris cannot recognize faces confirmed (to me) that he definitely has a form of autism before those psychiatric evaluations were released.

Also, a lack of smell-sensory is another symptom of autism. This is definitely far from the only reason that Chris never showers, and not all Autistic people lack a sense of smell, but still I thought I should mention it.(Wiki newfag here; I hope this works.) --[[User:Windyshoot|Windyshoot]] 09:02, 17 March 2010 (UTC)

At first,I read inability to recognize feces. LOL! --[[User:Kawaiidesubakachan|Kawaiidesubakachan]] 02:14, 27 April 2010 (UTC)

== Chris's obesity ==

In response to to how much weight chris gained during his apearence in the pimp my ride video, someone in the talk section asked for a comparison between chris's breast and those of a big chested woman. after combining the image below i noticed that chris has gained so much weight that his man-boobs have become massive. what i'm trying to ask is if the image could be included in the chris and obesity section. [[User:MoarLurk]]
[[file:Compare.jpg|300px|right]]

:I made that image with pretty much that purpose. Also if you notice, chris's boobs are bigger.[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 22:05, 14 June 2010 (UTC)
::I suspect that Chris has a hormonal imbalance. Even with his corpulent physique, his breasts are disproportionately large, and his nipples look like pepperonis. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 22:07, 14 June 2010 (UTC)
:::That's exactly what he has. This is typical of gynecomastia. [[User:Hamsterjelly|Hamsterjelly]] 06:24, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
:::The though of Chris's nipples...cannot unsee.[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 22:14, 14 June 2010 (UTC)
::::We have pictures of them, remember? We've seen the man screwing a blow-up doll. How can his nipples be close to that disturbance? --[[User:OFSheep|OFSheep]] 16:51, 15 June 2010 (UTC)
:::::Anything involving the naked body of that man is of the deepest bowels of hell or Rhyel.[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 17:08, 15 June 2010 (UTC)

== Hormonal imbalance ==
i've beggining to suspect that chris suffers from hormonal imbalance, it would explain his high pitched voice and the overgrown mantits and acne at that age. Poor hygiene can explian the acne a bit. Obesity can explain the mantits, but to Chris's level, it has to be the hormones, I think he has an exess of strogen in his system.--[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 04:46, 10 July 2010 (UTC)

:*Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. ... but it could be testosterone. My understanding is that the human body can only tolerate so much testosterone; any excess is converted into estrogen (or oestrogen). Given that in addition to his [[Collosal|Collosal Chris Chan]] manboobs Chris appears to display uncontrollable bouts of anger ("Shouting loud enough to wake the dead" over a slightly overpriced cup of coffee), has great difficulty keeping his hands [[Kacey|off]] [[Megan|women]], constantly obsesses about sex and generally acts like a horny 16 year old when he's 28 seems to suggest that, perhaps, he has a large amount of testosterone in his system and the excess is being turned into estrogen. An outside observer with absolutely no idea who Chris is might even suggest steroid abuse (before anyone jumps in with 'but Chris is weak!', steroids don't make you STRONG, they're just basically horse urine which is huge amounts of testosterone. It bulks you up a great deal, but if you take steroids and don't work out, you get really fat and get huge mantits). It's times like these I wish the mailbags were still going, so we could ask Chris directly if he was taking steroids. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 05:01, 10 July 2010 (UTC)

CWC's Diary

2010-07-10T06:22:16Z

Hamsterjelly: /* June 2005 */

{{quote|My life sucks.|Chris's journal entry March 2, 2004}}

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has stated that he keeps (or has kept) a '''diary''', although little is known about its format. It's possible he is referring to various blogs he has maintained on [[MySpace]] and elsewhere, or that the entries to those sites are being transcribed from a literal diary book he writes in.

Entries from this diary that he has put on the [[Internet]] have provided the greatest insight into Chris's world from [[2004]]-[[2007]], particularly events involving his [[Love Quest]] that would inspire the [[Sub-Episodes]] in his [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comics]]. However, by mid-[[2008]] Chris had deleted his MySpace and virtually all references to these diary entries...except the ones he put on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], which never forgets.

==January 2004==

Well, here it is, [[2004|Y2K4 (2004)]]! My one resolution is to get myself a matching [[girlfriend]]. Rather it will happen is somethingelse. I plan to try again at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]].

January 6: Today, I had an appointment with my optometrist, and big half-brother, Dr. [[David Alan Chandler]], for an Eye-Exam. I needed new lenses, but I can keep my current frames. But apparently, he has an 8-year-old daughter, [[Savannah]]. So for about 8 years, I’ve been an uncle and didn’t know it. Of course, this also makes my parents into grandparents as well. Needless to say, we were happy to know about that. :D<ref>In November 2007, Chris accompanies this entry with a picture of him wearing glasses, with the caption ""Yes, ''I WEAR GLASSES''; I have been since Groundhog Day, [[1998]], because I am Nearsighted"</ref>

'''January 31:''' Well, it’s the end of another month, and I still don’t have a girlfriend. Maybe my latest idea, the [[Sonichu's News Dash!]] newsletter, will make the ladies take notice of me. Next stop: my Birthmonth, February (I’ll be 22 on the 24th this year)..

==February/March/April, 2004==

'''February 9, 2004:''' [[Mary Lee Walsh]] made it illegal to distribute the News Dash; I AM VERY ANGRY AT THAT XXXXX! In response, I plan to incite the masses, and hope they DEMAND the return the News Dash so my chances on getting a girlfriend can be restored. I have also declared WAR on them as well!

'''March 2, 2004:''' That XXXXX, Mary Lee Walsh, got on my, and my parents’, nerves! She played SOCIAL DIRECTOR, and tried to frame me, just to giver her an excuse to boot me out of PVCC! All I’ve been doing was trying to get a girlfriend… IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?! I am very devastated, due to my SHATTERED HEART that XXXXX caused unto me! My life sucks.

'''April 29, 2004:''' Sonichu and I were featured in the PVCC newsletter, the FORUM, but still nothing. Oh, to become popular and to get a girlfriend is very hard. My [[Barbara Chandler|Mom]] MAY help me next month… GOOD LUCK.

I did get to rub my [[Nintendo Power]] FAME in the [[Mary Lee Walsh|XXXXX’s]] face! Heh-heh!<ref>In November 2007 Chris added: "Enough OLD angst against the grey-haired witch-devil, THAT I'VE PUT LONG BEHIND ME..."</ref>

==August, 2004==

Well, it’s another month; still no girlfriend. But I have a NEW idea that I am sure will REEL in a girlfriend on a FATEFUL RED STRING.

'''August 5:''' I’ve had my worst trip to the Mall. I was working with my Heart on a [[Red String of Fate]], when from out the blue, a [[Jerkop|JERK COP]] shatter my [[heart level|Heart]] and ripped up the Red String! I am very mad and upset, because that JERK [[Chris and English|took my idea for a fall]], just like that XXXXX at PVCC did! >(

==September, 2004==

'''September 4:''' While I was at the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|mall]], for the 8th week today, I realized something: since I have been using a [[sign]] to state my being single & lonesome towards an 18-22-year-old [[boyfriend-free girl|BOYFRIEND-FREE woman]], I, in the event, was trying to [[Wikipedia:Prostitution|sell myself like a new car]]. I may be able to put that idea to good use.

'''September 6:''' At the mall on this Labor Day, I was taking another go on my [[Love Quest]]. I told that JERK COP off when I pulled some of my Fun Cards and told my [[virgin with rage|Lonesome Virgin]] story, intimidated him and shouted “NO” into his face. In short, today was my Independence Kay, but I am still alone.

'''September 11:''' I was not bothering anyone at the mall today while I was trying to “Sell myself,” when I got ARRESTED for trying; I fortunately did not go to Jail. But I have been stripped of my right to go to the Mall by myaelf; I would be required to bring my Mom or Dad with me. My independence, and my SOUL, were practically MURDERED. (8(

'''September 16:''' I got SUSPENDED FROM [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]] by the Board, and I have that Meddling XXXXX to thank for this as well. [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|I am SUPER ANGRY! >8(]] My Dad is blood-thirsty for revenge as well. He’s going to write to US PRESIDENT, [[George W. Bush|George W. Bush Jr.]], and Laura Bush, to help me get allowed back to PVCC. WE ALL CURSE DEATH upon that XXXXX, Mary Lee Walsh! >8(

'''September 26:''' It’s been over a week since my SUSPENSION; I am DEPRESSED, LONELY, SAD and BORED! I have nowhere to go to attract a Boyfriend-Free woman. I’ll be writing to Santa Clause this year, hoping that will bring me one. (8(

==March 2005==

'''March 29, 2005:''' Well, at the mall today, my heart had a extremly fast recovery, then it became Majorly Shattered again. I went to the mall, like normal, I picked up some chicken nuggets and a drink, then I went to my spot. I pulled up a chair to sit and eat my food on. Then, from out of the blue, this cute girl approached me, and she asked me if I was looking for a Girlfriend (Her name was [[Hanna]], and she was 18-Years Old). I said yes, and we small-talked for a bit. Then she invited me over to Starbucks for coffee. After she left, I became very excited and “Oh My God” all over! After calling Mom, and eatingmy nuggets, I lefted the chair with such cheer and grace, and spun around with it like a dancer. Then I put it back where itwas. I felt that my [[Love Quest]] had finally come to an end, and I so elated that my Shattered Heart had a full, fast recovery. I went to Starbucks, and we talked about basic things. I showed her my [[Sonichu Scrapbook]]; she was very impressed. I gaver my E-Mail, and both my Phone Numbers, on a “Sonichu Site” card, and she gave me her E-Mail address. I was very attentive as I took notes about her, and maintained eye-contact. As I left her, I gave a “Double-Take” flirt. That was the rise; now here comes the fall. As I was sitting at my spot, thinking about future steps for later dates, [[Anna McLerran|Anna]] and Dana told me that when they talked to Hanna, she told them that she was setting me up in a prank. I could not believe it, so I found and asked Hanna. Sadly, it was true. Then in major shock, my heart Shattered again by 85%, and I let out a big “NOOOOOOOO!”

So, my Love Quest has restarted, and as for that date of ours, I’ll always remember it, but as far as I’m concerned, it doesnot count as my First Date. I was not as happy, as I was today, in a long time. I am once again Heart-Shattered and sad, but I will not give up on my Love Quest, because there has to be One True Boyfriend-Free, Datable, Non-Pranking Girl out there somewhere!<ref>Chris adds in November 2007: "After that shout, I got kicked out AGAIN, and I'm still without the Fashion Square Shopping Centere that I've grown accustomed to after my whole life."</ref>

==June 2005==

'''June 22, 2005:''' Let me begin this entry with what happened two days ago. I had my setup at the McDonald’s at Wal-Mart, and apparently complaints were made. The two [[manajerks]]s, a [[Merried Seinor Comic|Seinor Comic]], and a [[B-Manajerk|Black, Fat Jerk]] (he looked a lot like the leader of the Jerkops at the Mall, whom I refer to now as the [[Jerkhief]]) approached me and took me for a fall with my trying to find a Boyfriend-Free Girl, like I have been doing for the past over one-year and ten-months. We argued and disputed, until the two of them left to call the police. While they were gone, I had taken off the [[sign]] from my Nintendo DS and hidden it on the back cover of my diary. When the [[Jerkops]] came, they were all like “What seems to be the problem?” And the Merried Seinor Comic was like, “Where’s the Sign?” And I was, “What sign?” And another argument was had between the four of us, in which I NEVER gave any of those JERKS Eye-Contact, because none of them deserved it!. So, I got kicked out from the McDonald’s, not the Wal-Mart, for the rest of the day. Now for what happened today, I was starting to setup my things, and the [[B-Manajerk]] was getting in my face (I feel that he really hates me), and he was like, “Don’t set up your stuff. Don’t push me.” I was not going to use the Nintendo DS sign today, anyway. But he did not want my [[Pixelblock]] sculptors at all. I stood up against that Manajerk; I continued to build, and I dictated my situation into his face (with a song and dance). He went up to the [[W-M-Manajerk|Wal-Mart Manajerk]], and he was like, “Hey, Let’s talk.” But I sat silent for a minute, then I said to him, “I do not speek[sic] to any Man other than myself, because they all have taken all the pretty girls leaving me with none.” Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Has]].” I nearly backed up onto him with my [[car]], and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off. I needed someone to talk to, so I went to the mall and talked to [[Anna McLerran|Anna]]. She was a positively great help. She listened attentively, and she gave me a terriffic[sic] suggestion, tell my One-Year and Ten-Month Old Story to the Daily Progress. It was such a great idea, because I could bad-mouth those Jerks, as well as the Jerkops, [[ScotPalazzo|Scott Manajer]], and [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Also, with my story, I may actually attract an 18-23-Year Old Boyfriend-Free, caring, [[tobacky|smoke-free]], [[alcohol|non-alcoholic]], white girl.

So I dashed home and printed a second copy of my diary, and dashed to the office; the Female Reporters were in a meeting, so I left a message on an answering machine, thanks to the secretary who helped me. I’ll go back there tomorrow afternoon and try again, unless she calls me before then. Now, I feel sad, because I have nowhere else to go to attract a Boyfriend-Free Girl, and I feel very furious with those Manajerks and all Men other than myself and my father. Also, the top reason for me detesting those JERKS was that they all have taken all the pretty girls, leaving me with none. That reason is now the numbertwo reason. The new number one reason is they ALL are AGAINST me in finding a Girlfriend of my own. But I will not give up on my long and teidous[sic] Love Quest; I’ll find a new Attraction Spot, somewhere in [[Charlottesville, Virginia]]. There has to be at least one 18-23-Year Old Boyfriend-Free, caring, smoke-free, non-alcoholic, white girl out there somewhere.

==July 2005==

'''July 20, 2005:''' … I was at the new Target store, just hanging around, not bothering anyone. And, from out of the blue, these two Manajerks asked me to leave, because they said that I was loitering; I was NOT! I was there hoping to find an 18-23-year old, Boyfriend-Free girl, like I usually do. Then, from out of the blue, after I told them off, they came back with two Jerkops! I was slightly intimidated, but mostly annoyed and ready to strike back on them. They asked me to leave, and never return. I did not want to leave. I would have left peacefully, in fact, I was ready to go, but I had a prepared speech to say to them stupid Jerkops. And, during the middle of my speech, they chased me, pulled my pants, and pinned me to the floor. Five Jerkops dog-piled on me as I struggled to get free. [[gay|A thousand pounds of sausages]] on my 180 pound body was seriously a cut-off for my Breathing Flow. They handcuffed my wrists and legs, and they hog-tied me! Not only did I felt humiliated from being the victim, but I was angry at them! Not only for handcuffing me, but once again thwarting my efforts in trying to find a Boyfriend-Free Girl. They drove me to the county jail, but fortunately, they did not keep me there; I was released to my family. But now I have to go to court on July 29 at 9:00 AM at the Albemarle County Courthouse, close to the Downtown Mall. So now, I feel very miserable, sad, lonely and rejected. And, while I had the handcuffs on me, both my hands, mostly my right, were seriously cut off from blood flow, and they both felt numb. It was terrible. But my mother and I are going to get back at them in court, in fact, I learned that the Jerkop who arrested me was called [[Bagget]] (that was the only thing about the situation that was hilarious; replace the “B” with an “F,” and you can see how funny it was).

==References==
<references/>

[[Category: Historical Documents]]

Medallions

2010-07-10T01:06:34Z

Hamsterjelly:

[[Image:License.jpg|150px|thumb|left|Oh yes he fucking did.]]
[[Image:ickeriss_medallions.jpg|150px|thumb|Top to bottom: [[PS3|The Good]], [[Hex Bawx|the Bad]], [[Chris and art|the Ugly]]. Left to right: The decoy Sonichu medallion, the [[Jiggliami]] medallion, the Rosechu medallion, and the [[Blake]] medallion.]]

{{quote|Watch out for the medallion!|[[Niggo|Ludacris]]}}

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] loves his original character [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] so much that he wears a hand-made '''Sonichu medallion''' on his neck. In public. The Sonichu medallion, along with his trademark [[Chris and fashion|Ernie shirt]], is perhaps his most famous characteristic. Over the years, Chris has produced numerous medallions of his [[electric hedgehog]] characters.

==Origins and purpose==
[[Image:096-SonichuMedallion.jpg|150px|thumb|Like anything else Chris holds dear, it also comes in card form.]]
[[Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|150px|thumb|left|The earliest known photo of Chris with the medallion, from 24 Feb 2004, Chris's 22nd birthday. The medallion is in profile, with [[Wikipedia:Shrinky Dinks|Shrinky Dinks]] hanging from its chain.]]

Though Chris previously could not recall when he first made the Medallion, in [[August 2009]], Chris finally recalled the origins of the Medallion. From [[CWCipedia]]:<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#Conception_and_Creation http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Sonichu#Conception_and_Creation]</ref>

{{quote|Then Late [[2000]], I bought some Crayola Model Magic Clay, and I molded and crafted the First Original Sonichu Medallion that I wore around my neck with a makeshift chain (which I later replaced with a better necklace I bought from [[Anna|Pacific Sunwear]] at my Mall). Sadly, the First Original was mistrusted with a [[Blanca Weiss|feindish[sic] individual]] in [[2008]], I recrafted the Medal and continued on (The Necklace Still Holds ALL the History of the Medallions). THERE IS CURRENTLY ONLY ONE Original, True Sonichu Medallion, and it is NOT MADE FROM [[CChanSonichuCWC|PAPER]] cheaply, NOT MANUFACTURED IN A FACTORY from Plastic or Metal (yet); IT IS MADE FROM CRAYOLA MODLE[sic] MAGIC CLAY, with my Permanent Ink Signature, Copyright Note, Circle of Originality, and Two Custom Shrinkie[sic]-Dink Charms of Sonichu and an S-Chu Ball. }}

[[Image:Aragorn.jpg|150px|thumb|left|Throughout the ages, many have been tempted by the allure of the Medallion, with its power of giving its possessor delusions of grandeur, being Internet famous, and [[fail]] art skills, not to mention [[Anchuent Prophecy|the power]] to turn the user [[Wes-Li Sonichu|into]] [[Saramah Rosechu|a]] [[Chris-chan Sonichu|furry]]. ]]

Despite being allegedly created in March 2000, the earliest known photograph of Chris wearing a Sonichu medallion is from his 22nd birthday, on 24 [[February 2004]]. In his [[So Need a Cute Girl]] video (20 December 2004) he feels it necessary to explain what it is, suggesting that it is still a relatively new feature.

In a [[Mumble 6|Mumble chat]] on 10 [[February 2009]], Chris revealed the reason for the medallion and that is...because he wanted to. It's "like a nametag" for him. In one of his [[ED]] edits, Chris says that his medallion "identifies him for the [[autism|high-funcioning[sic] Autistic]] individual that he is".<ref>http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=1997315096&oldid=1997314465 Chris ED edit, Revision as of 07:28, 10 November 2007</ref> And man, it sure does. It has also been speculated there could be other reasons for wearing his medallion, which range from simply thinking Sonichu is '''SERIOUS BUSINESS''', to being a portable anchor in our dangerous real world to [[Cwcville]], his own happy world where he's always the hero who saves the day.

Each medallion is constructed from Crayola Model Magic, a non-toxic, easy-to-use modeling clay intended for small children. Chris wedges a keyring into the edge of each medallion, from which he can attach a chain to go around his neck. Sometimes he wears a Wilson wristband on top of it because, being autistic, he mostly likely has [[Wikipedia:Sensory_defensiveness|sensory defensiveness]], which might render the sensation of the chain's links unbearable. Medallions are painted with acrylic paint in the color schemes of the characters they represent, with [[Chris and copyright|copyright information]] scrawled on the back. Additional detailing varies, but Chris is known to have applied Shrinky-Dink charms to certain medallions as a form of authentication, to prevent counterfeiting.
 

==The Sonichu Medallion==

[[Image:0712-CWCCollGrad3.jpg|150px|thumb|Chris even wore it at his god damn [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] graduation]]
[[Image:FushionRedone.jpg|150px|thumb|left|Before Blanca, it was believed that the Medallion of Fail would corrupt its possessor, turning him into an autistic manchild with a poor taste in [[Chris and fashion|fashion]].]]

Chris's primary medal is his Sonichu medallion, which he has rarely been seen without for the past five years. This medallion of course depicts his main character, Sonichu. Within the canon of Chris's [[Sonichu comics]], the medallion is the source of the [[anchuent powers]] that allow Chris to assume his electric hedgehog alter ego, [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]].

As he explained to [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] in his [[The Sonichu Chronicles|business proposal]], the medallion gives him no special powers in real life.

In several videos, Chris says that in order for it to be a TRUE and HONEST video, it will be of him wearing the medallion. In this manner he attempted to cast doubt on the videos he posted confessing homosexuality, since he was not wearing his medallion in that footage.

Since the discovery of Chris on [[4chan]] and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], it had been understood among trolls that the Sonichu medallion was Chris's most cherished possession and that he would cry like a bitch if it were ever taken from him, making its capture a prime objective. This proved only partially true. Chris does not seem to have a special attachment to any one particular medallion, but merely his ability to always wear one at all times. Further, all successful efforts to eliminate the medallions have resulted in relatively little outrage; Chris is always more concerned with his internet girlfriends being fake than he is over losing his property because of them.

 

===Prototype===
{{quote|He was also wearing a makeshift necklace that has a large plastic medallion in the shape of a Pokeman [sic] characters [sic] head. He also had a number of shrinky dink decorations attached to this necklace.|Psychiatrist describing the prototype Medallion of Fail, [[Autism papers]]<ref>[[Autism_papers#MENTAL_STATUS_EXAM:]]</ref>}}

[[Image:094-SchuMedl.jpg|150px|thumb|Earliest known version of the medallion.]]
[[Image:190-chumedal.jpg|150px|thumb|left|Computer rendering. This required over 9000 hours in MS Paint, as well as an associates degree in CAD/CAM.]]
It appears that the very first medallion Chris created is the one seen to the right, which Chris was photographed wearing sporadically in 2004. This design is definitely cruder than the others, with a pale yellow hue suggesting Chris was still learning how to properly apply color in this medium. This version is always seen on a metal chain, accompanied by Shrinky Dinks of a "CWC" logo, Sonichu, Rosechu, and the [[Chaotic Combo]].

Chris wore this medallion as late as May 2004, when he brought it with him to the Anime Mid-Atlantic convention that year. He would also wear this medallion later in the year, when he received a [[Autism papers#Intake Survey|psychiatric survey]].

 

===Mark 1 (and decoy)===
[[Image:Chrischan_sonichu_medal.jpg|150px|thumb|left|Spoiler: he even wears it during his sex fantasies]]
[[Image:Decoy medallion.JPG|thumb|150px|The decoy medallion]]

[[Image:SpecialSymbols.jpg|150px|thumb|left|The SPECIAL SYMBOLS to identify the TRUE and HONEST medallion.]]
[[Image:Terrifying by neodalion.jpg|150px|thumb|Chris's supposed reaction to the destruction of his medallion (artist's depiction).]]

By [[June 2005]] Chris had begun to wear a new medallion with a better paint job. This one can be identified by the tufts of fur on the sides of Sonichu's face, which are less pronounced than in the prototype and later models. There are no Shrinky Dinks to go with it, and instead of a chain it hangs from some sort of beaded necklace. The appearance of this version in pictures and videos seems to correspond with the introduction of Chris's red-and-blue striped shirts. This may be the medallion he was wearing in the [[So Need a Cute Girl|20 Dec 2004 video]]. It is definitely the medallion he wore to the 2005 Anime Mid-Atlantic convention.

No one is sure how many medallions Chris wore between 2005 and [[2008]], but in all pictures they appear roughly the same as this design. Sonichu's face has eyebrows in some photos and not in others, so either Chris was repainting the same medallion or making new ones. 4chan and ED are filled with high-functioning autistics who have pored over photographs identifying subtle differences in the medal's "ears" and "cheeks," without arriving at a consensus. For the sake of clarity, this article will assume that this was Chris's only medallion during this period.

In [[August 2008]] an anon on /v/ offered a story and photograph suggesting that he had met Chris in real life and tricked him into giving the medallion to him. However, Anon aspies all immediately analyzed the details of dozens of pictures and determined the "stolen" medallion to be a forgery. This conclusion was reaffirmed when Chris himself decided to post [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 15th, 2008|a video]] announcing that the medallion had never been stolen, defiantly claiming that nobody would take it from him. He further denied it in the [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]].

Chris claimed to have made multiple Sonichu medallions and that he would sometimes wear these decoys to frustrate attempts to steal the one true medallion. It would remain unclear whether he was bluffing until October 2008 when the team of trolls posing as [[Blanca Weiss]] tricked him into sending all of his medallions to them. The package they received contained no fewer than ''two'' yellow Sonichu medals: one with the special markings identifying it as the "real" one, and another with no markings. It may be assumed that these were the only two medallions he owned at that time. Neither of them was the prototype, however, and its fate is unclear.

A video that showed the destruction of the medallion was eventually uploaded to YouTube. Chris responded by [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008|crashing into slumber]]. Its remains are currently locked in a box somewhere at Miskatonic University. As for the decoy Sonichu medallion, it ultimately ended up in the possession of [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]'s owner/webmaster, Girlvynl.

<center>{{#ev:youtube|O-TP2wCucZo}}</center>

 

===Mark 2===
[[Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|150px|thumb|It identifies him for the high-functioning autistic individual that he is]]

After sending the medallions to Blanca, and being told by Blanca that trolls had stolen them from "her," Chris created a new Sonichu medallion with a slightly larger design. He posted [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|a video]] [[lie|explaining]] that Blanca had recovered the original one and sent it back to him, and that he had modified it. This new medallion boasted a special peg on the reverse side which could be used to hold Chris's [[high school ring]], which somehow made it copy-protected.

Assuming Chris did not create any backup medallions, this is the same one he wore while posing in his mother's underwear at the request of trolls posing as Blanca. During this same exchange he later [[semen|ejaculated]] onto the medal. Shortly thereafter Chris posted [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 21st, 2008|a new video]] in which he is visibly not wearing the medallion. It's unclear if he replaced this soiled medallion or if he cleaned it; in either case he was wearing it (or a similar duplicate) again by 27 October.

On 3 March 2009 [[Max]] coerced Chris into cutting his medallion into pieces and shoving those pieces up his rectum. The idea of Chris literally inserting these chunks of ceramic into his rectum (and therefore risking anal tearing and sepsis) was highly controversial. Some have argued that he merely placed them between his buttcheeks (either in an attempt to deceive Max or out of ignorance of how to get them past his sphincter), but in any case, the remnants of the medallion were assuredly covered in [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|fecal matter]]. Whatever happened, Chris thinks that his father would "have another heart attack" if he knew the details.

===Mark 3===
[[Image:Ecp00065.jpg|150px|thumb|Oh God, the taste...]]
[[Image:New sonichu medallion.jpg|150px|thumb|left|The first formal appearance of the Mark 3 medallion. It's like ''the Blair Witch Project,'' but only a few seconds long and the entire budget (and then some) spent on the crap on the background.]]

Although Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009|claimed]] that he was making a new medallion, he didn't wear any medal in his [[YouTube]] videos between the 3 March 2009 incident and his 1 July 2009 videos. During this period he argued that his high school ring may be accepted as a symbol of his truthiness. However, since this statement was made without the medallion, this was false and Chris disproved himself.

In photos released 17 April 2009 of Chris in some [[butt garments]], the new medallion, Mark 3, is shown as Chris licks it in a sensuous fashion. The release of these images proved doubly hurtful for Chris, not only for showing him, a shell of a manchild, in diapers but even worse in that it confirmed that there is a new Medallion that can either be seized and/or shoved up his rectum.

Despite the fact that he had made a new medallion, Chris was for some time reluctant to wear it in his videos, allegedly out of the fear that trolls would start a new campaign to seize the medallion and/or shove it up his rectum.

On [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 22nd, 2009|22 May 2009]] this medallion made a surprise cameo in Christian's newest video. During the update, the video randomly cuts to the medallion hanging from the ceiling, only to cut back to Chris seconds afterward, presumably to add extra validity to the statements made in Chris's video.

The [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 1st, 2009|1 July 2009]] videos mark the full return of the Medallion of Fail, as Chris wears the third medallion around his neck throughout both videos.

CWC enthusiasts can look forward to Chris voluntarily surrendering the medallion to thieves and/or willingly shoving it up his rectum in the near future.

 

==The Rosechu Medallion==
[[Image:Medallion Rosechu.jpg|150px|thumb|left|A gift for his beloved sister-wife.]]
[[Image:Rosechu medallion.JPG|150px|thumb|Close-up]]

Only one medallion of Sonichu's [[sweetheart]] [[Rosechu]] is known to have existed, but it is speculated to be the first one Chris fashioned after the Sonichu one. The Rosechu medallion was intended to be worn by Chris's future [[heartsweet]], the one who would be his true love and bear him his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|God-called daughter]]. Chris has never been seen wearing it himself. It was sent with the others to Blanca in October 2008. It currently resides with the founder of [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]].

The medallion was first known to the internet in the pages of [[Sonichu 4]], where Chris's [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|imaginary twin sister Crystal]] was introduced wearing it. In the comics Crystal possesses the same anchuent powers as Chris and the Rosechu medallion therefore allows her to become Crystalina Rosechu. That a real Rosechu medal existed was not learned until later, when Chris revealed it to [[PandaHalo]].

In case it hadn't occurred to you yet: Chris did, in real life, make a medal to be awarded to the future mother of his children, and in his fantasy world he has affixed this same medal to the twin sister he created to explore what he would be like if he'd been born female. Freud would doubtlessly have some choice words to say about this.

 

==The Black Sonichu Medallion==
[[Image:Blachu Medallion.JPG|150px|thumb|left|He's too angry to show his [[fangs]]]]
[[Image:Black sonichu.JPG|150px|thumb|Close-up]]

Although Black Sonichu (now [[Blake]]) seems to have originally served as an analogue for [[Wes Iseli]],<ref>As seen in [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]] - [[:File:433-CWCSNHP9.jpg]]</ref> Chris appears to use the Black Sonichu medallion to represent his own dark side. The picture at the left speaks volumes about its significance; Chris seems to believe that if he scowls hard enough and wears the evil medallion, then whoever he's angry with will be terrified into capitulation, such as when he wore it in a video aimed at [[Adam Stackhouse]].

The [[Anchuent Prophecy]] in the comics foretells that the Black Sonichu medallion would be created as a dark reflection of the original, yellow Sonichu medallion Chris wears. Beginning with [[Sonichu 6]], [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] began wearing the dark medal and acting as Christian's evil twin, following the urges Chris himself keeps bottled up inside him. Like Christian, Naitsirhc summons powers from his medallion to become Reldnahc Ha-Taque.

Naitsirhc's medallion notwithstanding, Black Sonichu's role as the symbol of pure evil has softened in recent years as Chris has allowed the character to soften and fall in love with [[Bubbles Rosechu]]. As such the actual Black Sonichu medallion was rarely seen until it was sent to Blanca in October 2008.
{{Clear}}

==The Jiggliami Medallion==
[[Image:Jiggliamimedallion.jpg|150px|thumb|On the back, it reads "Medallion crafted by Christian Weston Chandler."]]

Despite the purpose of the Rosechu medallion, Chris was so in love with Blanca that he created a brand-new medallion for her to wear based on Blanca's original character [[Jiggliami]]. This medallion was sent along with the others to Blanca in October 2008. Blanca was depicted wearing this medallion in [[Sonichu 7]] and [[Sonichu 8|8]]. It is currently locked away in a Government warehouse somewhere in California.

It is the simplest of the medallions, being a plain circle with no three-dimensional pieces. Consequently, it's probably the least hideous of the medallions, as Chris has limited the number of ways he can fail by giving himself less work to do.

==The [[Asperchu]] Medallion (A.K.A. The Medallion of Win?)==
[[Image:Asperchumedal.jpg|200px|thumb|left|The Medallion of Win in all its glory.]]
In [[Magical Man Potion|one video]], Chris's mysterious friend is seen sporting an odd medallion. In [[02 March 2010|another video]] a few days later, the medallion is confirmed to be one of Asperchu. Apparently, it was crafted by Alec Benson Leary and given to Chris as a symbol of goodwill. In that video, Chris is pained to have the medallion around and have it hung up on his wall.

==Gone Forever?==
As can be seen in his recent videos, Chris is no longer wearing his medallions. The last time the medallion was seen was when he said he was leaving the internet for the second time. Also gone are the clown shirts. Disposing of these elements may be Christian attempting to be perceived as a normal person.
{{clear}}

==See also==
*[[Amnyfest Ring]], which Chris claims as the source of his power after losing his medallions. Still resides with Chris for the time being.

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]

Chris and religion

2010-07-10T00:58:03Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Chris and other faiths */ not irony

{{quote|When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.|1st Corinthians 13:11, on what Chris <s>has failed to</s> will never do.}}

{{quote|And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of [[JERKS|envy]], murder, debate, [[Lies|deceit]], malignity; whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, [[Chris and his ego|proud]], boasters, inventors of [[Sonichu|evil things]], [[Bob Chandler|disobedient to parents]], without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.|Romans 1:28-32, on Chris}}

{{quote|my CURRENT church can help me a LOT better than any "professional"|Chris being a Xenufag, to [[Vivian Gee|Vivitheg]]}}
[[Image:CHRISjesuss.jpg|thumb|right||Program from Chris's baptism]]
'''The religion of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]''' is a complicated topic because his stated religious convictions often differ from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil.

That Chris professes a belief in Christianity completes the general stereotype of the naive hillbilly idiot who thinks that citing divine authority is the way to win arguments about things he doesn't understand. With religion, like anything else, Chris only hears what he wants to hear. For example, he accepts his religion's teachings condemning [[homos]]exuality ''and'' ignores the fact that it also forbids pre-marital sex, [[Nudes|pornography]], and [[Mass debating|masturbation]]. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that [[PandaHalo]] had been raped and impregnated by [[Clyde Cash]]: He actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents... shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion.

Chris's narrow view of the world requires that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] share his religious beliefs, despite the fact that they also regard Chris as their almighty creator and father.

Regardless of his religion, Chris believes he has received [[Dreams|multiple visions from God]].

==Denomination==
[[Image:SonichuRosechuReligious.jpg|thumb|right|Sonichu and Rosechu recall Joseph's story of "forgiveness" prior to Rosechu brutally faceraping [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].]]
At some time in his youth, Chris was baptized in an unspecified [[Wikipedia:Methodism|Methodist]] church.<ref>[[IRC_(28_December_2008)]]</ref> The first church he and his parents are known to have attended is [[Grace Baptist Church]], a small congregation in [[Charlottesville]] that launched in 2000.<ref>http://cvilletomorrow.typepad.com/charlottesville_tomorrow_/2007/12/grace_baptist.html</ref> In 2008 he was, under [[Nudes|mysterious circumstances]], forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]].

"Wesley Mem" is located near the [[University of Virginia]] and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among [[trolls]] is that congregations more in line with Chris's opinions of [[homos]] are equally intolerant of him, so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the [[Wikipedia:Southern Baptist|Southern Baptist]] and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant.

Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, [[Angelica Rosechu]], whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of CWCville - she's still as much of a slut as the rest of the Rosechus. (Not to mention, her home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Catholic church Chris could have come up with, as most Catholic churches have a patron saint.)

[[PandaHalo]]'s persona was designed to be devoutly Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows pre-marital sex because his pastor said so. Members of the same religion often differ on the finer points of God's will because ultimately there is no objective point of reference to settle the dispute. Chris cannot comprehend this because to him his beliefs ''are'' that point of reference; [[Autism|you either share his beliefs or you're receiving bad information]].

==Concept of God (or: GodJesus)==
[[Image:Jesusbot.jpg|thumb|right|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES]]
[[Image:CWCletter.jpg|thumb|left|Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that [[Blanca]] is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the [[trolls|trolls']] side.]]
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|God and Jesus tell Chris he is meant to be with Ivy who is [[lie|totally not a troll]].]]
[[Image:Issue 0A Page 8 edit.JPG|thumb|left|Radar sums it up nicely]]

Chris has a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent God; beyond this, he also accepts Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He's reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God. In effect, Chris frequently refers to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus"<ref>[[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions]]</ref><ref>[[CWC_Update_9_April_2009]]</ref>) as if they were some sort of two-headed creature, unlike the Christian concept of the Holy Trinity, which states that God himself exists as three "persons" or expressions. This would technically make him closer to a [[Wikipedia:Unitarian|Unitarian]] than a Methodist.

Being the unparalleled study in egotism he is, Chris seems to view God as a more of a metaphor for his own will than a supreme being to whom he is subject. To Chris, God will overlook (or doesn't care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they are against him. Case in point, the ''fact'' that Chris cheated in the [[PaRappa the Rapper contest]] is not nearly as important as the ''suspicion'' that [[Adam Stackhouse]] did.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism, except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his worldview, God's primary purpose is to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. He is commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will...[insert anything Chris [[fail|fails]] at]." He often invokes the wrath of God in his [[Death threats|infantile threats]], and is oblivious to the fact God has yet to back him up on any of them.

Chris attributes most of his motivations to commands given to him directly from GodJesus in [[Dreams|visions]]. His exact beliefs concerning these prophetic dreams are difficult to pin down, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. For instance, after Chris had a vision about fathering a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughter]], he decided he was required to actively [[Love Quest|make that happen]] while also assuring himself that [[fail]]ure was impossible. When Chris was being accused of [[Chris and race|racism]] for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that prophesied daughter must be white.

Subsequent visions from God have supposedly confirmed that [[Blanca]], [[PandaHalo]], and [[Ivy]] were to be the mother of Chris's child, despite the fact that each of these women subsequently turned out to be [[trolls]]. This proves that God, if he exists, is either not responsible for Chris's supposedly prophetic dreams, or is having a [[Laughs Under Lucricities|laugh at his expense]].

Chris also believes that if he confesses his sins to GodJesus he will be forgiven. Private confessions directly to God are not uncommon in Protestantism, but generally it's assumed that the confessor is doing so to genuinely atone for mistakes. However, Chris abuses the purpose of confession so that he can commit whatever wrongs he wants and then wipe the slate clean with his "confession." For example, Chris made [[To_Clyde_and_Jack|a video]] in which he suggested that Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus kill themselves so they can burn in hell forever. He later drew them doing just that in his comic. Just one day after the comic appearance, Chris answered a fan letter in [[Mailbag 33]] asking why he had been wishing suicide upon them, and pointing out that such a wish conflicts with his Christian beliefs. Chris responded that he had "confessed of that to God and Jesus, and they have forgiven [him] on that." One of two things happened: either Chris wished for their deaths in the video, asked for forgiveness, then gleefully drew it happening afterward anyway, or he waited until he'd finally got done saying his piece, then conveniently offered up his confession right after getting everything out of his system. Either way, such a confession is highly disingenuous.

It's important to ask Christians why, if God is so loving, there is pain and suffering in the world, and why they have suffered at the hands of him. However, unlike many Christians, Chris can't even think of a half-assed answer to the question. It's strange that despite Chris's strong belief that GodJesus is backing him up on his [[Love Quest]], that God imparts on him such [[stress]] and trolling. He seems to believe that the way prayer works is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please". To Chris, prayer is apparently like ordering a pizza, and as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it, a principle that applies to base and material things as much as spiritual guidance.
{{clear}}

==Afterlife==
[[Image:Apostle_paul_rembrandt.jpg|thumb|left|The likely reaction of Apostle Paul to Chris's 'interpretation' of the Bible]]
[[Image:Jesus facepalm.jpg|thumb|right|Jesus's reaction to Chris's antics.]]
{{Quote|For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.|Ephesians 2:8-10, on the place of good deeds in the Christian faith.}}
{{Quote|Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and possibly Reincarnation.|Chris, [[Mailbag 30#Questions|with his own theory]].}}

While the idea of good deeds causing someone to go to heaven and bad deeds sending them to hell is not an uncommon one, Protestant theology explicitly states that the salvation of one's soul is based completely on one's faith. In general this teaching means that one's prior sins (no matter how terrible) can be forgiven by God, and that members of the faith should try to live righteous lives not because it will get them into heaven, but simply because doing so is morally the right thing to do. The salvation of one's soul through faith is essentially the single point upon which nearly every Protestant denomination is based.

Like everything else, Chris fails at this basic concept, stating that one goes to heaven or hell based completely on personal actions. He personally believes he will go to heaven because he's done "[[Common Questions#Answered 01/01/10|a lot of good deeds]]". Likewise, he feels that [[homos]] are almost certainly bound to go to hell, and need to turn straight to "[[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|better their chances of going to heaven]]". He has also stated numerous times that he feels [[Clyde Cash|various]] [[Jack Thaddeus|trolls]] are bound for hell for making fun of people over the internet. He has suggested that they [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|commit suicide]] so that they might receive their eternal punishment faster.

Additionally, Chris [[Mailbag 21#Chris gets a call from The Doctor|believes in the concept of reincarnation]], common in Hinduism and other Eastern religions, though he has yet to offer any criteria for what might cause someone to be reincarnated.

==Concept of sin==
{{quote|But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...|Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44}}

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO [[Death threats|KILL]] [[JASON KENDRICK HOWELL]]|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls]] Forum}}

{{quote|HAVE A GOD DAMN HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MOMENT YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU GOD DAMN BITCHING WHORE!|E-mail from Chris to [[Vivian]]}}

Other than vehemently opposing [[homos]], [[trolls]], and [[jerkops]], Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible. His homophobia apparently had nothing to do with Leviticus 18:22, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from [[Family Guy]]. His [[Fapcup|aversion to "spilling his seed"]] and his [[recycling|dedication to the unborn]] have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] in violation of his monogamous relationship with [[Ivy]], Chris made [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|a big production]] out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggests that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

===Guilty of all "Seven Deadly Sins"===
[[Image:Pope face palm.jpg|thumb|right|His Holiness's reaction to Chris's commission of all Seven Deadly Sins.]]

The concept of there being "seven deadly sins" is more a conception of the Catholics than of the Protestants, who will mostly tell you that ''any'' sin is equally as bad in the eyes of God. Given that Chris very likely could not tell the difference, it doesn't matter much. 

*'''Lust''': His [[Love Quest]]. Between all the purchases of sex toys and pornography, masturbation, sexual fantasies, intentions with prospective mates, and his objectification of women, lust is not only what seems to consume his every thought, it may very well be what leads to the consumption of his soul by Beelzebub (if you believe in that sort of thing). In fact, he's now on a [[Fuck Quest]]. (See also [[Chris and Sex]]).
*'''Gluttony''': It is not quite known if Chris's [[obesity|girth]] is [[Barbara|hereditary]] or the result of [[McDonalds|over consumption]], but the latter seems more likely having been a spoiled child and being sedentary for the greater part of his life.
*'''Avarice/Greed''': Chris's obsession with gaining wealth via winning contests and his behavior in trying to do so (e.g. putting [[Cole Smithey|his brother's]] questions about his paternity on the back burner while nagging him to vote for him), demonstrate an extreme desire for material gain. Also, he steals from his parents to buy [[PS3|video games he'll never play]]. (See also [[Chris and Money]]).
*'''Sloth''': Obvious; see ''Gluttony''. Content to be the proud recipient of a "[[monthly tugboat]]" while sitting on his ass playing video games and surfing the Internet, Christian rarely even puts forth even the minimal amount effort necessary to draw his Sonichu comics more than a few times a year. He believes doing routine household chores is [[stress|"stressful"]] and an equivalent to holding a real job.
*'''Wrath''': [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[Jerkops]]. [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]. "[[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!]]". [[Chris_and_anger|Yeah...]]
*'''Envy''': [[Jerks|His attitude towards other men]] as having taken [[Virgin with rage|"ALL THE PRETTY GIRLS AND LEFT NONE FOR ME!!!"]] is a lot more envy than ''anyone'', let alone Christians, should ever hold towards anything. Another proof of his envy was the personal hate that he aimed at [[Adam Stackhouse]], the winner of the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]]. Frankly, Adam deserved to win, but Chris cannot accept that someone else has something (talent) which he does not.
*'''Pride''': Chris's [[Autism|self-centered worldview]] and inability to note his own flaws. Narcissus himself would look down on him for his selfishness. This is partly due to incessant coddling and sheltering from his parents his whole life, while being told that he is perfect in every way, because having autism makes him special. Chris has been told his entire life that the fact that he has autism means that he should have everything handed to him on a silver platter. (See also [[Chris and his Ego]])

===Breaking all "Ten Commandments"===

Similar to the above, the concept of the Ten Commandments is more commonly associated with Judaism than Christianity, but, as noted, Chris is probably too goddamn stupid to tell the difference.

*'''1. "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me"''': While he claims to be devoted to GodJesus [[Chris and Reality|in real life]], his [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|in-comic persona]] seems to be a full-blown God Mode Sue. Furthermore, he wears a [[Medallion of Fail]] around his neck, in the same place where TRUE and HONEST Christians commonly wear crosses.
*'''2. "Thou shalt not make an image or any likeness of what is in the heavens above"''': The most common interpretation is that this commandment does not forbid drawing pictures of heavenly beings (seen above), but instead refers to the construction or fashioning of "idols" in the likeness of created things (beasts, fish, birds, people) and worshiping them. Chris seems to believe that either the [[Medallions of Fail]] or the [[Amnyfest Ring]] are the source of [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|supernatural powers]], in direct violation of this commandment.
*'''3. "Thou shalt not swear falsely by the name of thy Lord"''': Chris has repeatedly cited the name of God when making outrageous claims about what he intends to do, whether it be to get back at [[trolls]], or to find a potential [[sweetheart]], regardless of whether or not he actually succeeds in meeting these unrealistic expectations. He also says "goddamn" a lot too.
*'''4. "Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy"''': As noted above, the Sabbath is almost exclusively observed by Jews rather than Christians, but it is still pretty likely that Chris has broken this commandment by "going to work" (making his comics, which he intends to make money off of) on Saturday. A more straight-up example would be the countless times that he has neglected going to church on Sunday, the Christian sabbath.
*'''5. "Honor thy [[Bob Chandler|father]] and thy [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]"''': Surprisingly, Chris has come pretty close to actually obeying this commandment. Not close enough, however, as Chris has been known to do [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|things]] that [[Bob walks in|upset]] his father. He also [[Bob Walks In Aftermath|called his father a bastard]] once.
*'''6. "Thou shalt not kill"''': Hoo boy. Chris [[Death threats|seems to want to directly defy this commandment]]. Bonus points for actually praying to GodJesus to kill his enemies... and then repenting to GodJesus in the same breath.
*'''7. "Thou shalt not commit adultery"''': In the literal sense, Chris will most likely be following this commandment [[Virgin with Rage|for the rest of his life]]. Christians believe that this commandment states that they should avoid having any lustful thoughts, sex before marriage, etc. Figuratively, however, he broke this rule when he cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] and had phone sex with [[Julie]]. In his [[comic]], his affair with [[Lovely Weather]] arguably counts as a form of adultery, as well, and even if it doesn't, his subsequent affair with Meg from ''[[Family Guy]]'' certainly does. Also, he clearly has [[Third date|no problem with]] [[F Abstinance|premarital sex in general]].
*'''8. "Thou shalt not steal"''': If [[Chris and Copyright|plagiarism]] counts, he may as well be sitting in the Devil's lap. He has stolen money from his parents to purchase games on PSN and he even purposely wrote a bad check to Joshua for a PSP. Also, one could argue that he is guilty of stealing [[monthly tugboat|your taxpayer dollars.]] Although, some scholars argue that this commandment actually means ''Thou shalt not kidnap'', which Chris hasn't done ... yet. Watch your back, ladies.
*'''9. "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor"''': Chris has been known to [[Lie|bend the truth]] in order to make himself look good and to defame [[Jerkops|other]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|people]], if his [[Sub-Episodes|comics]] are any indicator.
*'''10. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods"''': Arguably the one he is most guilty of breaking. As noted in the Seven Deadly Sins, Chris has shown to be extremely resentful to other people who win prizes, be they [[Adam Stackhouse|video games]], [[Honor Roll|art awards]], or [[JERKS|girlfriends]]. It should also be noted that the original passage in the Bible specifically forbids the coveting of your [[Liquid Chris|neighbor]]'s [[Kacey|wife]], which would be a bit redundant considering #7.

===Breaking the Levitical Laws===

The Levitical laws were written for Hebrews, as a covenant with God. They are a priestly code of social behavior, with the agreement that if the laws are followed, the Hebrews would be given the Promised Land. Despite the fact that these laws were made for a culture thousands of years ago, and only followed by strict observers of [[Wikipedia:Halakha|Halakha]], Chris (like many fundamentalist and evangelical Christians) seems to have no problem applying these laws to modern times and modern people. Well, [[Chris and hypocrisy|sometimes]].

In [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus]], Chris touts one of the most used and abused Bible verses, Leviticus 18:22, as evidence that [[homos|homosexuality]] is "just plain wrong". Unknown to Chris, and many people who cite this verse, this is a part of the old Levitical code, which has many, many other commandments. Most Christians pick and choose which Levitical laws they obey and which were "merely metaphor" or "just for the Hebrews" despite what [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew%205:17&version=NIV Jesus Christ said about the laws]. Chris breaks Levitical Law on a near daily basis.

There are many, many laws, and Chris breaks too many of them for them to all be listed here. Some prime examples include:

*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2011&version=NIV Leviticus 11]''' This whole chapter deals with was sort of animals you should and should not eat. Even though Chris eats at [[McDonald's]] every "2 or 3 times a week", odds are that he's had pork or shellfish at least once in his life, if not many times.
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:11&version=NIV Leviticus 19:11]''' "Do not steal. Do not lie. Do not deceive one another." [[List of Chris's lies|Chris lies a lot]].
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:12&version=NIV Leviticus 19:12]''' "Do not swear falsely by my name and so profane the name of your God. I am the LORD." Most of this article is dedicated to the misuse of God's name.
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:19&version=NIV Leviticus 19:19]''' "Keep my decrees: Do not mate different kinds of animals. Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material." Chris benefits from the science of hybridization daily. Those Chicken McNuggets of which he's ever so fond come from hybrid corn, and you can bet his [[Chris and Fashion|clothes]] aren't a pure weave. And what is [[Sonichu]], if not "mating different kinds of animals": a [[Sonic|hedgehog]] and a [[Pokemon|pikachu]] (itself a hybrid of the mouse and the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pika pika])?
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:26&version=NIV Leviticus 19:26]''' "Do not eat any meat with the blood still in it. Do not practice divination or sorcery." It's fairly doubtful that Chris keeps kosher about the meat, but more importantly... [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse-ye-ha-me-ha!]] [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|FORGIVENESS BLESSINGS!]]
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:27&version=NIV Leviticus 19:27]''' "Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard." [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back]]
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:28&version=NIV Leviticus 19:28]''' "Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD." While Chris has not directly violated this law, he has used tattoos to [[Chris and fashion#The "IBA." outfit|attract the ladies]].

==Chris the Shaman==
{{quote|The spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! She will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.|Chris, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]}}
[[Image:Ickeriss_medallions.jpg|thumb|right||The Medallions serve as Chris's connection to the spirit realm.]]

Despite his professed Christianity, Chris's beliefs and behaviors almost tend towards a sort of shamanistic mindset, where God is a force to be controlled and the universe can be influenced by various mystic rituals. In Chris's case, he seems to believe that his tirades and tantrums will somehow affect the trolls who torment him. His attacks on the [[Clown Doll]], for instance, are a metaphorical threat, but also suggest an attempt at somehow literally harming the trolls through [[Wikipedia:sympathetic magic|sympathetic magic]], like a voodoo doll. He views his revenge against his enemies in the comic or in ''[[Soul Calibur]] III'' as being equivalent to actual revenge, rather than simply venting.

The world of [[CWCville]] is also a spirit realm, where Chris is almighty and can create and shape it as he pleases due to his power of "creativity". It exists outside, but parallel, to the real world, and sometimes Chris seems to honestly believe that it's a real place, even if it's just imaginary. This idea of the spirit realm became more valid when, in a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|video]], Chris claimed that the soul of his [[Patti Chandler|dead dog]] (now [[Patti-Chan|living in CWCville]]) would devour Alec Benson Leary's soul and haunt his [[dreams]].

While Chris has used the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] in reality, he never took it too seriously, at least until he used it on [[Liquid Chris]] in a video. With the "kidnapping" of Liquid, he then realized that he had "the power" to actually curse people. He also developed a new ability to bless people via the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|Forgiveness Blessings]] skill. He honestly seems to believe that these powers are real, even stating in one video that if it works, then he knows he has "the power." GaoGaiGar fans then promptly wanted to hit Chris for his abuse of [[Wikipedia:The_King_of_Braves_GaoGaiGar_glossary#.22THE_POWER.22_and_Jupiter-X|ZA POWER]]. Chris later stated in a music video that if people antagonize him, they will be cursed, but if you're true and honest, you will receive blessings.

Chris ought to be aware that his sorcery is not merely atypical of a Christian, but in fact explicitly proscribed by his faith. [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=galatians%205:19-20&version=KJV Galatians 5:19-20] lists witchcraft as one of the more blatant acts of sin, whilst in the Old Testament, [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus+22%3A18&version=KJV Exodus 22:18] commands "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live". That's right, there's a Biblical mandate for Chris's death. Alec Benson Leary, in one of his [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|phone calls]] with Chris, attempted to point out the thoroughly un-Christian nature of Chris's dabbling in black magic, but his reasoning appeared to have little effect.

Of course, it is important to remember, even if he did convert to a shamanistic faith, chances are most groups would kick him out just as quickly. Cursing people is one of the few things Wiccans and neo-Pagans are forbidden from doing, and most all groups would look down upon his general idiocy and his dabbling into powers [[Slow-in-the-minds|beyond his comprehension]]. No matter what, Chris will likely be hated for being an [[Chris and his ego|egotistical]], [[Women's Rights|sexist]], [[Chris and Race|racist]], [[Fail|failure]].

For all we know, Chris will one day start popping magic mushrooms and writing comics based on that, which many agree would be a huge improvement on his current work.

==Delusions of Godhood?==
{{quote|Fear not. For behold I bring tidings of great joy.|Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10]]}}
{{quote|I prayed for forgiveness from the real Christian. Sonichu, will he forgive me?|Aspie Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10]]}}
[[Image:Issue 10 Pg 48.jpg|thumb|Sonichu cracks open his tomb and descends in a beam of light.]]
Starting on page 42 of [[Issue 10]], Chris displays a somewhat disturbing twist to the plot (such as it is) of his comics. [[Ultra Sonichu]] frees [[Zelina Rosechu]] from her stoned state using his Chaotic powers, then appears to [[Darkbind Sonichu]] with a message similar in tone, if not outright text, to prophecies of the coming of Jesus Christ (complete with arms outstretched as if he were suspended on a crucifix).

Later on in the issue, Ultra Sonichu travels to the world of [[Asperchu]], where the characters of that comic inform him that they were forced into their roles by Alec, and that they had been praying to Christian Weston Chandler for deliverance and forgiveness. And lo Chris-chan did send the Messiah Sonichu to end their suffering. Sonichu uses the "Chaotic Remedy" to miraculously cure them all of their [[Asperger's syndrome]] (even though only Asperchu himself had the condition) and gives them new names and new, "better" looks.

It should be noted that, like Jesus Christ, [[Sonichu]] was born to a [[virgin with rage|virgin]].

Possibly in response to criticism about acting as God, in [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_62 later pages] Chris addressed the issue of the non-canon chaotic combo worshiping him in an incredibly ignorant manner. First, he declares that he is not God but "a servant of him and Jesus", and immediately after goes on to "forgive" Michael (the copycat Sonichu's made-over name) for "baring false witness against <nowiki>[Chris]</nowiki>", as if he has the authority to forgive the breaking of the ten commandments, ''like he's God or something.''

Further evidence of Chris's blossoming God complex comes through his answer to some of the frequently asked questions that were put to him via the [[Mailbag]], where he states that he considers Sonichu to have over a billion fans. The only other fictional character who can claim such a number is God himself. This mad fuckery is compounded by the fact that Chris is like a God to Sonichu; this means that his opinion of himself is that of a God's God. Or maybe a [[Christopher's name change|God's bear]]. Chris moves in mysterious ways.
{{clear}}

==Chris and other faiths==
Chris has never had much to say about religious beliefs other than his own, least of all non-Christian beliefs. Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the suburban American south, he probably hasn't had much practical exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an [[IRC (28 December 2008)|IRC chat]], he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith. [[Vivitheg's_AIM_chat|Vivian Gee]]'s belief in Taoism, a non-theistic religion, seemed to be a concept he couldn't process.

He doesn't think much of atheists, but even there Chris has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus." It's even harder for atheists to try and take GodJesus seriously enough to believe in them when Chris goes around boasting about having the deities on his side as though they were his personal avengers. When asked "You often attempt to scare your trolls by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?" in [[Common_Questions#09_January_2010|Common Questions]], his response was:

{{quote|Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", [[Chris and reality|IT IS FACT]]. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet".}}

This might have been Chris trying to be funny, as the second sentence doesn't make any sense.

[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]] reveals that Chris has some awareness of Judaism, probably picked up from watching [[South Park]]. He appears to not understand that Jews and Buddhists don't celebrate [[Christmas]]. However, in the way he wrote it, it is unknown if he's implying that Christians, [[Hanukkah|Jews]] and [[Christmas#Jolly Buddah (sic)|Buddhists]] go to the same place of worship, or if he's saying they go to separate places of worship and calls them "churches" because his vocabulary is heavily lacking. In [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]], Chris is being blatantly anti-Semitic by "just throwing it out there" that he thinks Snyder is Jewish, and uses "Jew" as an insult (which he also got from [[South Park]]). [[Some Favored Comedians]] is a thinly-veiled furious backpedaling attempt in which he rambles on and on about how he respects Jewish comedians like [[Wikipedia:Jerry Seinfeld|Jerry Seinfeld]].

In a CWCipedia [[Chris-Chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris-Chan_the_Moralf.2A.2A| article]], he strongly hints at feeling great hatred towards Muslims. Although the article primarily exists to deny various accusations trolls have made about him, he does not deny being a "prolific hater of all things not Christian".{{cite}}

==TL;DR version==

Chris is a terrible Christian and will likely burn in hell.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Angelica Rosechu]]
*[[Dreams]]
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Christian's name change|GodBear]]
*[[Grace Baptist Church]]
*[[Wesley Foundation Methodist Church]]

==External links==
*[http://store.engrish.com/godjest.html Buy your own Godjesus T-shirt here.]

{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and religion

2010-07-10T00:36:02Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Breaking the Levitical Laws */

{{quote|When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.|1st Corinthians 13:11, on what Chris <s>has failed to</s> will never do.}}

{{quote|And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of [[JERKS|envy]], murder, debate, [[Lies|deceit]], malignity; whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, [[Chris and his ego|proud]], boasters, inventors of [[Sonichu|evil things]], [[Bob Chandler|disobedient to parents]], without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.|Romans 1:28-32, on Chris}}

{{quote|my CURRENT church can help me a LOT better than any "professional"|Chris being a Xenufag, to [[Vivian Gee|Vivitheg]]}}
[[Image:CHRISjesuss.jpg|thumb|right||Program from Chris's baptism]]
'''The religion of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]''' is a complicated topic because his stated religious convictions often differ from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil.

That Chris professes a belief in Christianity completes the general stereotype of the naive hillbilly idiot who thinks that citing divine authority is the way to win arguments about things he doesn't understand. With religion, like anything else, Chris only hears what he wants to hear. For example, he accepts his religion's teachings condemning [[homos]]exuality ''and'' ignores the fact that it also forbids pre-marital sex, [[Nudes|pornography]], and [[Mass debating|masturbation]]. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that [[PandaHalo]] had been raped and impregnated by [[Clyde Cash]]: He actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents... shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion.

Chris's narrow view of the world requires that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] share his religious beliefs, despite the fact that they also regard Chris as their almighty creator and father.

Regardless of his religion, Chris believes he has received [[Dreams|multiple visions from God]].

==Denomination==
[[Image:SonichuRosechuReligious.jpg|thumb|right|Sonichu and Rosechu recall Joseph's story of "forgiveness" prior to Rosechu brutally faceraping [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].]]
At some time in his youth, Chris was baptized in an unspecified [[Wikipedia:Methodism|Methodist]] church.<ref>[[IRC_(28_December_2008)]]</ref> The first church he and his parents are known to have attended is [[Grace Baptist Church]], a small congregation in [[Charlottesville]] that launched in 2000.<ref>http://cvilletomorrow.typepad.com/charlottesville_tomorrow_/2007/12/grace_baptist.html</ref> In 2008 he was, under [[Nudes|mysterious circumstances]], forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]].

"Wesley Mem" is located near the [[University of Virginia]] and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among [[trolls]] is that congregations more in line with Chris's opinions of [[homos]] are equally intolerant of him, so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the [[Wikipedia:Southern Baptist|Southern Baptist]] and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant.

Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, [[Angelica Rosechu]], whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of CWCville - she's still as much of a slut as the rest of the Rosechus. (Not to mention, her home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Catholic church Chris could have come up with, as most Catholic churches have a patron saint.)

[[PandaHalo]]'s persona was designed to be devoutly Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows pre-marital sex because his pastor said so. Members of the same religion often differ on the finer points of God's will because ultimately there is no objective point of reference to settle the dispute. Chris cannot comprehend this because to him his beliefs ''are'' that point of reference; [[Autism|you either share his beliefs or you're receiving bad information]].

==Concept of God (or: GodJesus)==
[[Image:Jesusbot.jpg|thumb|right|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES]]
[[Image:CWCletter.jpg|thumb|left|Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that [[Blanca]] is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the [[trolls|trolls']] side.]]
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|God and Jesus tell Chris he is meant to be with Ivy who is [[lie|totally not a troll]].]]
[[Image:Issue 0A Page 8 edit.JPG|thumb|left|Radar sums it up nicely]]

Chris has a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent God; beyond this, he also accepts Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He's reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God. In effect, Chris frequently refers to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus"<ref>[[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions]]</ref><ref>[[CWC_Update_9_April_2009]]</ref>) as if they were some sort of two-headed creature, unlike the Christian concept of the Holy Trinity, which states that God himself exists as three "persons" or expressions. This would technically make him closer to a [[Wikipedia:Unitarian|Unitarian]] than a Methodist.

Being the unparalleled study in egotism he is, Chris seems to view God as a more of a metaphor for his own will than a supreme being to whom he is subject. To Chris, God will overlook (or doesn't care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they are against him. Case in point, the ''fact'' that Chris cheated in the [[PaRappa the Rapper contest]] is not nearly as important as the ''suspicion'' that [[Adam Stackhouse]] did.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism, except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his worldview, God's primary purpose is to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. He is commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will...[insert anything Chris [[fail|fails]] at]." He often invokes the wrath of God in his [[Death threats|infantile threats]], and is oblivious to the fact God has yet to back him up on any of them.

Chris attributes most of his motivations to commands given to him directly from GodJesus in [[Dreams|visions]]. His exact beliefs concerning these prophetic dreams are difficult to pin down, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. For instance, after Chris had a vision about fathering a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughter]], he decided he was required to actively [[Love Quest|make that happen]] while also assuring himself that [[fail]]ure was impossible. When Chris was being accused of [[Chris and race|racism]] for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that prophesied daughter must be white.

Subsequent visions from God have supposedly confirmed that [[Blanca]], [[PandaHalo]], and [[Ivy]] were to be the mother of Chris's child, despite the fact that each of these women subsequently turned out to be [[trolls]]. This proves that God, if he exists, is either not responsible for Chris's supposedly prophetic dreams, or is having a [[Laughs Under Lucricities|laugh at his expense]].

Chris also believes that if he confesses his sins to GodJesus he will be forgiven. Private confessions directly to God are not uncommon in Protestantism, but generally it's assumed that the confessor is doing so to genuinely atone for mistakes. However, Chris abuses the purpose of confession so that he can commit whatever wrongs he wants and then wipe the slate clean with his "confession." For example, Chris made [[To_Clyde_and_Jack|a video]] in which he suggested that Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus kill themselves so they can burn in hell forever. He later drew them doing just that in his comic. Just one day after the comic appearance, Chris answered a fan letter in [[Mailbag 33]] asking why he had been wishing suicide upon them, and pointing out that such a wish conflicts with his Christian beliefs. Chris responded that he had "confessed of that to God and Jesus, and they have forgiven [him] on that." One of two things happened: either Chris wished for their deaths in the video, asked for forgiveness, then gleefully drew it happening afterward anyway, or he waited until he'd finally got done saying his piece, then conveniently offered up his confession right after getting everything out of his system. Either way, such a confession is highly disingenuous.

It's important to ask Christians why, if God is so loving, there is pain and suffering in the world, and why they have suffered at the hands of him. However, unlike many Christians, Chris can't even think of a half-assed answer to the question. It's strange that despite Chris's strong belief that GodJesus is backing him up on his [[Love Quest]], that God imparts on him such [[stress]] and trolling. He seems to believe that the way prayer works is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please". To Chris, prayer is apparently like ordering a pizza, and as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it, a principle that applies to base and material things as much as spiritual guidance.
{{clear}}

==Afterlife==
[[Image:Apostle_paul_rembrandt.jpg|thumb|left|The likely reaction of Apostle Paul to Chris's 'interpretation' of the Bible]]
[[Image:Jesus facepalm.jpg|thumb|right|Jesus's reaction to Chris's antics.]]
{{Quote|For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.|Ephesians 2:8-10, on the place of good deeds in the Christian faith.}}
{{Quote|Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and possibly Reincarnation.|Chris, [[Mailbag 30#Questions|with his own theory]].}}

While the idea of good deeds causing someone to go to heaven and bad deeds sending them to hell is not an uncommon one, Protestant theology explicitly states that the salvation of one's soul is based completely on one's faith. In general this teaching means that one's prior sins (no matter how terrible) can be forgiven by God, and that members of the faith should try to live righteous lives not because it will get them into heaven, but simply because doing so is morally the right thing to do. The salvation of one's soul through faith is essentially the single point upon which nearly every Protestant denomination is based.

Like everything else, Chris fails at this basic concept, stating that one goes to heaven or hell based completely on personal actions. He personally believes he will go to heaven because he's done "[[Common Questions#Answered 01/01/10|a lot of good deeds]]". Likewise, he feels that [[homos]] are almost certainly bound to go to hell, and need to turn straight to "[[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|better their chances of going to heaven]]". He has also stated numerous times that he feels [[Clyde Cash|various]] [[Jack Thaddeus|trolls]] are bound for hell for making fun of people over the internet. He has suggested that they [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|commit suicide]] so that they might receive their eternal punishment faster.

Additionally, Chris [[Mailbag 21#Chris gets a call from The Doctor|believes in the concept of reincarnation]], common in Hinduism and other Eastern religions, though he has yet to offer any criteria for what might cause someone to be reincarnated.

==Concept of sin==
{{quote|But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...|Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44}}

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO [[Death threats|KILL]] [[JASON KENDRICK HOWELL]]|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls]] Forum}}

{{quote|HAVE A GOD DAMN HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MOMENT YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU GOD DAMN BITCHING WHORE!|E-mail from Chris to [[Vivian]]}}

Other than vehemently opposing [[homos]], [[trolls]], and [[jerkops]], Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible. His homophobia apparently had nothing to do with Leviticus 18:22, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from [[Family Guy]]. His [[Fapcup|aversion to "spilling his seed"]] and his [[recycling|dedication to the unborn]] have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] in violation of his monogamous relationship with [[Ivy]], Chris made [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|a big production]] out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggests that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

===Guilty of all "Seven Deadly Sins"===
[[Image:Pope face palm.jpg|thumb|right|His Holiness's reaction to Chris's commission of all Seven Deadly Sins.]]

The concept of there being "seven deadly sins" is more a conception of the Catholics than of the Protestants, who will mostly tell you that ''any'' sin is equally as bad in the eyes of God. Given that Chris very likely could not tell the difference, it doesn't matter much. 

*'''Lust''': His [[Love Quest]]. Between all the purchases of sex toys and pornography, masturbation, sexual fantasies, intentions with prospective mates, and his objectification of women, lust is not only what seems to consume his every thought, it may very well be what leads to the consumption of his soul by Beelzebub (if you believe in that sort of thing). In fact, he's now on a [[Fuck Quest]]. (See also [[Chris and Sex]]).
*'''Gluttony''': It is not quite known if Chris's [[obesity|girth]] is [[Barbara|hereditary]] or the result of [[McDonalds|over consumption]], but the latter seems more likely having been a spoiled child and being sedentary for the greater part of his life.
*'''Avarice/Greed''': Chris's obsession with gaining wealth via winning contests and his behavior in trying to do so (e.g. putting [[Cole Smithey|his brother's]] questions about his paternity on the back burner while nagging him to vote for him), demonstrate an extreme desire for material gain. Also, he steals from his parents to buy [[PS3|video games he'll never play]]. (See also [[Chris and Money]]).
*'''Sloth''': Obvious; see ''Gluttony''. Content to be the proud recipient of a "[[monthly tugboat]]" while sitting on his ass playing video games and surfing the Internet, Christian rarely even puts forth even the minimal amount effort necessary to draw his Sonichu comics more than a few times a year. He believes doing routine household chores is [[stress|"stressful"]] and an equivalent to holding a real job.
*'''Wrath''': [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[Jerkops]]. [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]. "[[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!]]". [[Chris_and_anger|Yeah...]]
*'''Envy''': [[Jerks|His attitude towards other men]] as having taken [[Virgin with rage|"ALL THE PRETTY GIRLS AND LEFT NONE FOR ME!!!"]] is a lot more envy than ''anyone'', let alone Christians, should ever hold towards anything. Another proof of his envy was the personal hate that he aimed at [[Adam Stackhouse]], the winner of the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]]. Frankly, Adam deserved to win, but Chris cannot accept that someone else has something (talent) which he does not.
*'''Pride''': Chris's [[Autism|self-centered worldview]] and inability to note his own flaws. Narcissus himself would look down on him for his selfishness. This is partly due to incessant coddling and sheltering from his parents his whole life, while being told that he is perfect in every way, because having autism makes him special. Chris has been told his entire life that the fact that he has autism means that he should have everything handed to him on a silver platter. (See also [[Chris and his Ego]])

===Breaking all "Ten Commandments"===

Similar to the above, the concept of the Ten Commandments is more commonly associated with Judaism than Christianity, but, as noted, Chris is probably too goddamn stupid to tell the difference.

*'''1. "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me"''': While he claims to be devoted to GodJesus [[Chris and Reality|in real life]], his [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|in-comic persona]] seems to be a full-blown God Mode Sue. Furthermore, he wears a [[Medallion of Fail]] around his neck, in the same place where TRUE and HONEST Christians commonly wear crosses.
*'''2. "Thou shalt not make an image or any likeness of what is in the heavens above"''': The most common interpretation is that this commandment does not forbid drawing pictures of heavenly beings (seen above), but instead refers to the construction or fashioning of "idols" in the likeness of created things (beasts, fish, birds, people) and worshiping them. Chris seems to believe that either the [[Medallions of Fail]] or the [[Amnyfest Ring]] are the source of [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|supernatural powers]], in direct violation of this commandment.
*'''3. "Thou shalt not swear falsely by the name of thy Lord"''': Chris has repeatedly cited the name of God when making outrageous claims about what he intends to do, whether it be to get back at [[trolls]], or to find a potential [[sweetheart]], regardless of whether or not he actually succeeds in meeting these unrealistic expectations. He also says "goddamn" a lot too.
*'''4. "Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy"''': As noted above, the Sabbath is almost exclusively observed by Jews rather than Christians, but it is still pretty likely that Chris has broken this commandment by "going to work" (making his comics, which he intends to make money off of) on Saturday. A more straight-up example would be the countless times that he has neglected going to church on Sunday, the Christian sabbath.
*'''5. "Honor thy [[Bob Chandler|father]] and thy [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]"''': Surprisingly, Chris has come pretty close to actually obeying this commandment. Not close enough, however, as Chris has been known to do [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|things]] that [[Bob walks in|upset]] his father. He also [[Bob Walks In Aftermath|called his father a bastard]] once.
*'''6. "Thou shalt not kill"''': Hoo boy. Chris [[Death threats|seems to want to directly defy this commandment]]. Bonus points for actually praying to GodJesus to kill his enemies... and then repenting to GodJesus in the same breath.
*'''7. "Thou shalt not commit adultery"''': In the literal sense, Chris will most likely be following this commandment [[Virgin with Rage|for the rest of his life]]. Christians believe that this commandment states that they should avoid having any lustful thoughts, sex before marriage, etc. Figuratively, however, he broke this rule when he cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] and had phone sex with [[Julie]]. In his [[comic]], his affair with [[Lovely Weather]] arguably counts as a form of adultery, as well, and even if it doesn't, his subsequent affair with Meg from ''[[Family Guy]]'' certainly does. Also, he clearly has [[Third date|no problem with]] [[F Abstinance|premarital sex in general]].
*'''8. "Thou shalt not steal"''': If [[Chris and Copyright|plagiarism]] counts, he may as well be sitting in the Devil's lap. He has stolen money from his parents to purchase games on PSN and he even purposely wrote a bad check to Joshua for a PSP. Also, one could argue that he is guilty of stealing [[monthly tugboat|your taxpayer dollars.]] Although, some scholars argue that this commandment actually means ''Thou shalt not kidnap'', which Chris hasn't done ... yet. Watch your back, ladies.
*'''9. "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor"''': Chris has been known to [[Lie|bend the truth]] in order to make himself look good and to defame [[Jerkops|other]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|people]], if his [[Sub-Episodes|comics]] are any indicator.
*'''10. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods"''': Arguably the one he is most guilty of breaking. As noted in the Seven Deadly Sins, Chris has shown to be extremely resentful to other people who win prizes, be they [[Adam Stackhouse|video games]], [[Honor Roll|art awards]], or [[JERKS|girlfriends]]. It should also be noted that the original passage in the Bible specifically forbids the coveting of your [[Liquid Chris|neighbor]]'s [[Kacey|wife]], which would be a bit redundant considering #7.

===Breaking the Levitical Laws===

The Levitical laws were written for Hebrews, as a covenant with God. They are a priestly code of social behavior, with the agreement that if the laws are followed, the Hebrews would be given the Promised Land. Despite the fact that these laws were made for a culture thousands of years ago, and only followed by strict observers of [[Wikipedia:Halakha|Halakha]], Chris (like many fundamentalist and evangelical Christians) seems to have no problem applying these laws to modern times and modern people. Well, [[Chris and hypocrisy|sometimes]].

In [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus]], Chris touts one of the most used and abused Bible verses, Leviticus 18:22, as evidence that [[homos|homosexuality]] is "just plain wrong". Unknown to Chris, and many people who cite this verse, this is a part of the old Levitical code, which has many, many other commandments. Most Christians pick and choose which Levitical laws they obey and which were "merely metaphor" or "just for the Hebrews" despite what [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew%205:17&version=NIV Jesus Christ said about the laws]. Chris breaks Levitical Law on a near daily basis.

There are many, many laws, and Chris breaks too many of them for them to all be listed here. Some prime examples include:

*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2011&version=NIV Leviticus 11]''' This whole chapter deals with was sort of animals you should and should not eat. Even though Chris eats at [[McDonald's]] every "2 or 3 times a week", odds are that he's had pork or shellfish at least once in his life, if not many times.
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:11&version=NIV Leviticus 19:11]''' "Do not steal. Do not lie. Do not deceive one another." [[List of Chris's lies|Chris lies a lot]].
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:12&version=NIV Leviticus 19:12]''' "Do not swear falsely by my name and so profane the name of your God. I am the LORD." Most of this article is dedicated to the misuse of God's name.
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:19&version=NIV Leviticus 19:19]''' "Keep my decrees: Do not mate different kinds of animals. Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material." Chris benefits from the science of hybridization daily. Those Chicken McNuggets of which he's ever so fond come from hybrid corn, and you can bet his [[Chris and Fashion|clothes]] aren't a pure weave. And what is [[Sonichu]], if not "mating different kinds of animals": a [[Sonic|hedgehog]] and a [[Pokemon|pikachu]] (itself a hybrid of the mouse and the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pika pika])?
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:26&version=NIV Leviticus 19:26]''' "Do not eat any meat with the blood still in it. Do not practice divination or sorcery." It's fairly doubtful that Chris keeps kosher about the meat, but more importantly... [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse-ye-ha-me-ha!]] [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|FORGIVENESS BLESSINGS!]]
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:27&version=NIV Leviticus 19:27]''' "Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard." [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back]]
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:28&version=NIV Leviticus 19:28]''' "Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD." While Chris has not directly violated this law, he has used tattoos to [[Chris and fashion#The "IBA." outfit|attract the ladies]].

==Chris the Shaman==
{{quote|The spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! She will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.|Chris, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]}}
[[Image:Ickeriss_medallions.jpg|thumb|right||The Medallions serve as Chris's connection to the spirit realm.]]

Despite his professed Christianity, Chris's beliefs and behaviors almost tend towards a sort of shamanistic mindset, where God is a force to be controlled and the universe can be influenced by various mystic rituals. In Chris's case, he seems to believe that his tirades and tantrums will somehow affect the trolls who torment him. His attacks on the [[Clown Doll]], for instance, are a metaphorical threat, but also suggest an attempt at somehow literally harming the trolls through [[Wikipedia:sympathetic magic|sympathetic magic]], like a voodoo doll. He views his revenge against his enemies in the comic or in ''[[Soul Calibur]] III'' as being equivalent to actual revenge, rather than simply venting.

The world of [[CWCville]] is also a spirit realm, where Chris is almighty and can create and shape it as he pleases due to his power of "creativity". It exists outside, but parallel, to the real world, and sometimes Chris seems to honestly believe that it's a real place, even if it's just imaginary. This idea of the spirit realm became more valid when, in a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|video]], Chris claimed that the soul of his [[Patti Chandler|dead dog]] (now [[Patti-Chan|living in CWCville]]) would devour Alec Benson Leary's soul and haunt his [[dreams]].

While Chris has used the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] in reality, he never took it too seriously, at least until he used it on [[Liquid Chris]] in a video. With the "kidnapping" of Liquid, he then realized that he had "the power" to actually curse people. He also developed a new ability to bless people via the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|Forgiveness Blessings]] skill. He honestly seems to believe that these powers are real, even stating in one video that if it works, then he knows he has "the power." GaoGaiGar fans then promptly wanted to hit Chris for his abuse of [[Wikipedia:The_King_of_Braves_GaoGaiGar_glossary#.22THE_POWER.22_and_Jupiter-X|ZA POWER]]. Chris later stated in a music video that if people antagonize him, they will be cursed, but if you're true and honest, you will receive blessings.

Chris ought to be aware that his sorcery is not merely atypical of a Christian, but in fact explicitly proscribed by his faith. [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=galatians%205:19-20&version=KJV Galatians 5:19-20] lists witchcraft as one of the more blatant acts of sin, whilst in the Old Testament, [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus+22%3A18&version=KJV Exodus 22:18] commands "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live". That's right, there's a Biblical mandate for Chris's death. Alec Benson Leary, in one of his [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|phone calls]] with Chris, attempted to point out the thoroughly un-Christian nature of Chris's dabbling in black magic, but his reasoning appeared to have little effect.

Of course, it is important to remember, even if he did convert to a shamanistic faith, chances are most groups would kick him out just as quickly. Cursing people is one of the few things Wiccans and neo-Pagans are forbidden from doing, and most all groups would look down upon his general idiocy and his dabbling into powers [[Slow-in-the-minds|beyond his comprehension]]. No matter what, Chris will likely be hated for being an [[Chris and his ego|egotistical]], [[Women's Rights|sexist]], [[Chris and Race|racist]], [[Fail|failure]].

For all we know, Chris will one day start popping magic mushrooms and writing comics based on that, which many agree would be a huge improvement on his current work.

==Delusions of Godhood?==
{{quote|Fear not. For behold I bring tidings of great joy.|Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10]]}}
{{quote|I prayed for forgiveness from the real Christian. Sonichu, will he forgive me?|Aspie Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10]]}}
[[Image:Issue 10 Pg 48.jpg|thumb|Sonichu cracks open his tomb and descends in a beam of light.]]
Starting on page 42 of [[Issue 10]], Chris displays a somewhat disturbing twist to the plot (such as it is) of his comics. [[Ultra Sonichu]] frees [[Zelina Rosechu]] from her stoned state using his Chaotic powers, then appears to [[Darkbind Sonichu]] with a message similar in tone, if not outright text, to prophecies of the coming of Jesus Christ (complete with arms outstretched as if he were suspended on a crucifix).

Later on in the issue, Ultra Sonichu travels to the world of [[Asperchu]], where the characters of that comic inform him that they were forced into their roles by Alec, and that they had been praying to Christian Weston Chandler for deliverance and forgiveness. And lo Chris-chan did send the Messiah Sonichu to end their suffering. Sonichu uses the "Chaotic Remedy" to miraculously cure them all of their [[Asperger's syndrome]] (even though only Asperchu himself had the condition) and gives them new names and new, "better" looks.

It should be noted that, like Jesus Christ, [[Sonichu]] was born to a [[virgin with rage|virgin]].

Possibly in response to criticism about acting as God, in [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_62 later pages] Chris addressed the issue of the non-canon chaotic combo worshiping him in an incredibly ignorant manner. First, he declares that he is not God but "a servant of him and Jesus", and immediately after goes on to "forgive" Michael (the copycat Sonichu's made-over name) for "baring false witness against <nowiki>[Chris]</nowiki>", as if he has the authority to forgive the breaking of the ten commandments, ''like he's God or something.''

Further evidence of Chris's blossoming God complex comes through his answer to some of the frequently asked questions that were put to him via the [[Mailbag]], where he states that he considers Sonichu to have over a billion fans. The only other fictional character who can claim such a number is God himself. This mad fuckery is compounded by the fact that Chris is like a God to Sonichu; this means that his opinion of himself is that of a God's God. Or maybe a [[Christopher's name change|God's bear]]. Chris moves in mysterious ways.
{{clear}}

==Chris and other faiths==
Chris has never had much to say about religious beliefs other than his own, least of all non-Christian beliefs. Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the suburban American south, he probably hasn't had much practical exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an [[IRC (28 December 2008)|IRC chat]], he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith. [[Vivitheg's_AIM_chat|Vivian Gee]]'s belief in Daoism seemed to be a concept he couldn't process.

He doesn't think much of atheists, but even there Chris has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus." The irony here is that it's even harder for Atheists to try and take God and Jesus seriously enough to believe in them when Chris goes around boasting about having the deities on his side as though they were his personal avengers. When asked "You often attempt to scare your trolls by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?" in [[Mailbag 35]], his response was "Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", [Chris uses quotations despite the original question not containing the phrase] [[Chris and reality|IT IS FACT]]. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet."

[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]] reveals that Chris has some awareness of Judaism, probably picked up from watching [[South Park]]. He appears to not understand that Jews or Buddhists don't celebrate [[Christmas]]. However, in the way he wrote it, it is unknown if he's implying that Christians, [[Hanukkah|Jews]] and [[Christmas#Jolly Buddah (sic)|Buddhists]] go to the same church or if he's saying they go to separate places of worship but calls them churches because his vocabulary is heavily lacking. In [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]], Chris is being blatantly anti-Semitic by "just throwing it out there" that he thinks Snyder is a Jew, and uses "Jew" as an insult. [[Some Favored Comedians]] is a thinly-veiled furious backpedaling attempt in which he rambles on and on about how he respects Jewish comedians.

In a CWCipedia [[Chris-Chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris-Chan_the_Moralf.2A.2A| article]], he strongly hints at feeling great hatred towards Muslims. Although the article primarily exists to deny various accusations trolls have made about him, he does not deny being a "prolific hater of all things not Christian".

==TL;DR version==

Chris is a terrible Christian and will likely burn in hell.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Angelica Rosechu]]
*[[Dreams]]
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Christian's name change|GodBear]]
*[[Grace Baptist Church]]
*[[Wesley Foundation Methodist Church]]

==External links==
*[http://store.engrish.com/godjest.html Buy your own Godjesus T-shirt here.]

{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and religion

2010-07-10T00:31:40Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Breaking all "Ten Commandments" */ stealing money counts as stealing

{{quote|When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.|1st Corinthians 13:11, on what Chris <s>has failed to</s> will never do.}}

{{quote|And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of [[JERKS|envy]], murder, debate, [[Lies|deceit]], malignity; whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, [[Chris and his ego|proud]], boasters, inventors of [[Sonichu|evil things]], [[Bob Chandler|disobedient to parents]], without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.|Romans 1:28-32, on Chris}}

{{quote|my CURRENT church can help me a LOT better than any "professional"|Chris being a Xenufag, to [[Vivian Gee|Vivitheg]]}}
[[Image:CHRISjesuss.jpg|thumb|right||Program from Chris's baptism]]
'''The religion of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]''' is a complicated topic because his stated religious convictions often differ from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil.

That Chris professes a belief in Christianity completes the general stereotype of the naive hillbilly idiot who thinks that citing divine authority is the way to win arguments about things he doesn't understand. With religion, like anything else, Chris only hears what he wants to hear. For example, he accepts his religion's teachings condemning [[homos]]exuality ''and'' ignores the fact that it also forbids pre-marital sex, [[Nudes|pornography]], and [[Mass debating|masturbation]]. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that [[PandaHalo]] had been raped and impregnated by [[Clyde Cash]]: He actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents... shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion.

Chris's narrow view of the world requires that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] share his religious beliefs, despite the fact that they also regard Chris as their almighty creator and father.

Regardless of his religion, Chris believes he has received [[Dreams|multiple visions from God]].

==Denomination==
[[Image:SonichuRosechuReligious.jpg|thumb|right|Sonichu and Rosechu recall Joseph's story of "forgiveness" prior to Rosechu brutally faceraping [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].]]
At some time in his youth, Chris was baptized in an unspecified [[Wikipedia:Methodism|Methodist]] church.<ref>[[IRC_(28_December_2008)]]</ref> The first church he and his parents are known to have attended is [[Grace Baptist Church]], a small congregation in [[Charlottesville]] that launched in 2000.<ref>http://cvilletomorrow.typepad.com/charlottesville_tomorrow_/2007/12/grace_baptist.html</ref> In 2008 he was, under [[Nudes|mysterious circumstances]], forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]].

"Wesley Mem" is located near the [[University of Virginia]] and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among [[trolls]] is that congregations more in line with Chris's opinions of [[homos]] are equally intolerant of him, so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the [[Wikipedia:Southern Baptist|Southern Baptist]] and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant.

Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, [[Angelica Rosechu]], whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of CWCville - she's still as much of a slut as the rest of the Rosechus. (Not to mention, her home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Catholic church Chris could have come up with, as most Catholic churches have a patron saint.)

[[PandaHalo]]'s persona was designed to be devoutly Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows pre-marital sex because his pastor said so. Members of the same religion often differ on the finer points of God's will because ultimately there is no objective point of reference to settle the dispute. Chris cannot comprehend this because to him his beliefs ''are'' that point of reference; [[Autism|you either share his beliefs or you're receiving bad information]].

==Concept of God (or: GodJesus)==
[[Image:Jesusbot.jpg|thumb|right|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES]]
[[Image:CWCletter.jpg|thumb|left|Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that [[Blanca]] is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the [[trolls|trolls']] side.]]
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|God and Jesus tell Chris he is meant to be with Ivy who is [[lie|totally not a troll]].]]
[[Image:Issue 0A Page 8 edit.JPG|thumb|left|Radar sums it up nicely]]

Chris has a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent God; beyond this, he also accepts Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He's reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God. In effect, Chris frequently refers to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus"<ref>[[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions]]</ref><ref>[[CWC_Update_9_April_2009]]</ref>) as if they were some sort of two-headed creature, unlike the Christian concept of the Holy Trinity, which states that God himself exists as three "persons" or expressions. This would technically make him closer to a [[Wikipedia:Unitarian|Unitarian]] than a Methodist.

Being the unparalleled study in egotism he is, Chris seems to view God as a more of a metaphor for his own will than a supreme being to whom he is subject. To Chris, God will overlook (or doesn't care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they are against him. Case in point, the ''fact'' that Chris cheated in the [[PaRappa the Rapper contest]] is not nearly as important as the ''suspicion'' that [[Adam Stackhouse]] did.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism, except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his worldview, God's primary purpose is to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. He is commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will...[insert anything Chris [[fail|fails]] at]." He often invokes the wrath of God in his [[Death threats|infantile threats]], and is oblivious to the fact God has yet to back him up on any of them.

Chris attributes most of his motivations to commands given to him directly from GodJesus in [[Dreams|visions]]. His exact beliefs concerning these prophetic dreams are difficult to pin down, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. For instance, after Chris had a vision about fathering a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughter]], he decided he was required to actively [[Love Quest|make that happen]] while also assuring himself that [[fail]]ure was impossible. When Chris was being accused of [[Chris and race|racism]] for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that prophesied daughter must be white.

Subsequent visions from God have supposedly confirmed that [[Blanca]], [[PandaHalo]], and [[Ivy]] were to be the mother of Chris's child, despite the fact that each of these women subsequently turned out to be [[trolls]]. This proves that God, if he exists, is either not responsible for Chris's supposedly prophetic dreams, or is having a [[Laughs Under Lucricities|laugh at his expense]].

Chris also believes that if he confesses his sins to GodJesus he will be forgiven. Private confessions directly to God are not uncommon in Protestantism, but generally it's assumed that the confessor is doing so to genuinely atone for mistakes. However, Chris abuses the purpose of confession so that he can commit whatever wrongs he wants and then wipe the slate clean with his "confession." For example, Chris made [[To_Clyde_and_Jack|a video]] in which he suggested that Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus kill themselves so they can burn in hell forever. He later drew them doing just that in his comic. Just one day after the comic appearance, Chris answered a fan letter in [[Mailbag 33]] asking why he had been wishing suicide upon them, and pointing out that such a wish conflicts with his Christian beliefs. Chris responded that he had "confessed of that to God and Jesus, and they have forgiven [him] on that." One of two things happened: either Chris wished for their deaths in the video, asked for forgiveness, then gleefully drew it happening afterward anyway, or he waited until he'd finally got done saying his piece, then conveniently offered up his confession right after getting everything out of his system. Either way, such a confession is highly disingenuous.

It's important to ask Christians why, if God is so loving, there is pain and suffering in the world, and why they have suffered at the hands of him. However, unlike many Christians, Chris can't even think of a half-assed answer to the question. It's strange that despite Chris's strong belief that GodJesus is backing him up on his [[Love Quest]], that God imparts on him such [[stress]] and trolling. He seems to believe that the way prayer works is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please". To Chris, prayer is apparently like ordering a pizza, and as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it, a principle that applies to base and material things as much as spiritual guidance.
{{clear}}

==Afterlife==
[[Image:Apostle_paul_rembrandt.jpg|thumb|left|The likely reaction of Apostle Paul to Chris's 'interpretation' of the Bible]]
[[Image:Jesus facepalm.jpg|thumb|right|Jesus's reaction to Chris's antics.]]
{{Quote|For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.|Ephesians 2:8-10, on the place of good deeds in the Christian faith.}}
{{Quote|Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and possibly Reincarnation.|Chris, [[Mailbag 30#Questions|with his own theory]].}}

While the idea of good deeds causing someone to go to heaven and bad deeds sending them to hell is not an uncommon one, Protestant theology explicitly states that the salvation of one's soul is based completely on one's faith. In general this teaching means that one's prior sins (no matter how terrible) can be forgiven by God, and that members of the faith should try to live righteous lives not because it will get them into heaven, but simply because doing so is morally the right thing to do. The salvation of one's soul through faith is essentially the single point upon which nearly every Protestant denomination is based.

Like everything else, Chris fails at this basic concept, stating that one goes to heaven or hell based completely on personal actions. He personally believes he will go to heaven because he's done "[[Common Questions#Answered 01/01/10|a lot of good deeds]]". Likewise, he feels that [[homos]] are almost certainly bound to go to hell, and need to turn straight to "[[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|better their chances of going to heaven]]". He has also stated numerous times that he feels [[Clyde Cash|various]] [[Jack Thaddeus|trolls]] are bound for hell for making fun of people over the internet. He has suggested that they [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|commit suicide]] so that they might receive their eternal punishment faster.

Additionally, Chris [[Mailbag 21#Chris gets a call from The Doctor|believes in the concept of reincarnation]], common in Hinduism and other Eastern religions, though he has yet to offer any criteria for what might cause someone to be reincarnated.

==Concept of sin==
{{quote|But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...|Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44}}

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO [[Death threats|KILL]] [[JASON KENDRICK HOWELL]]|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls]] Forum}}

{{quote|HAVE A GOD DAMN HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MOMENT YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU GOD DAMN BITCHING WHORE!|E-mail from Chris to [[Vivian]]}}

Other than vehemently opposing [[homos]], [[trolls]], and [[jerkops]], Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible. His homophobia apparently had nothing to do with Leviticus 18:22, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from [[Family Guy]]. His [[Fapcup|aversion to "spilling his seed"]] and his [[recycling|dedication to the unborn]] have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] in violation of his monogamous relationship with [[Ivy]], Chris made [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|a big production]] out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggests that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

===Guilty of all "Seven Deadly Sins"===
[[Image:Pope face palm.jpg|thumb|right|His Holiness's reaction to Chris's commission of all Seven Deadly Sins.]]

The concept of there being "seven deadly sins" is more a conception of the Catholics than of the Protestants, who will mostly tell you that ''any'' sin is equally as bad in the eyes of God. Given that Chris very likely could not tell the difference, it doesn't matter much. 

*'''Lust''': His [[Love Quest]]. Between all the purchases of sex toys and pornography, masturbation, sexual fantasies, intentions with prospective mates, and his objectification of women, lust is not only what seems to consume his every thought, it may very well be what leads to the consumption of his soul by Beelzebub (if you believe in that sort of thing). In fact, he's now on a [[Fuck Quest]]. (See also [[Chris and Sex]]).
*'''Gluttony''': It is not quite known if Chris's [[obesity|girth]] is [[Barbara|hereditary]] or the result of [[McDonalds|over consumption]], but the latter seems more likely having been a spoiled child and being sedentary for the greater part of his life.
*'''Avarice/Greed''': Chris's obsession with gaining wealth via winning contests and his behavior in trying to do so (e.g. putting [[Cole Smithey|his brother's]] questions about his paternity on the back burner while nagging him to vote for him), demonstrate an extreme desire for material gain. Also, he steals from his parents to buy [[PS3|video games he'll never play]]. (See also [[Chris and Money]]).
*'''Sloth''': Obvious; see ''Gluttony''. Content to be the proud recipient of a "[[monthly tugboat]]" while sitting on his ass playing video games and surfing the Internet, Christian rarely even puts forth even the minimal amount effort necessary to draw his Sonichu comics more than a few times a year. He believes doing routine household chores is [[stress|"stressful"]] and an equivalent to holding a real job.
*'''Wrath''': [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[Jerkops]]. [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]. "[[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!]]". [[Chris_and_anger|Yeah...]]
*'''Envy''': [[Jerks|His attitude towards other men]] as having taken [[Virgin with rage|"ALL THE PRETTY GIRLS AND LEFT NONE FOR ME!!!"]] is a lot more envy than ''anyone'', let alone Christians, should ever hold towards anything. Another proof of his envy was the personal hate that he aimed at [[Adam Stackhouse]], the winner of the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]]. Frankly, Adam deserved to win, but Chris cannot accept that someone else has something (talent) which he does not.
*'''Pride''': Chris's [[Autism|self-centered worldview]] and inability to note his own flaws. Narcissus himself would look down on him for his selfishness. This is partly due to incessant coddling and sheltering from his parents his whole life, while being told that he is perfect in every way, because having autism makes him special. Chris has been told his entire life that the fact that he has autism means that he should have everything handed to him on a silver platter. (See also [[Chris and his Ego]])

===Breaking all "Ten Commandments"===

Similar to the above, the concept of the Ten Commandments is more commonly associated with Judaism than Christianity, but, as noted, Chris is probably too goddamn stupid to tell the difference.

*'''1. "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me"''': While he claims to be devoted to GodJesus [[Chris and Reality|in real life]], his [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|in-comic persona]] seems to be a full-blown God Mode Sue. Furthermore, he wears a [[Medallion of Fail]] around his neck, in the same place where TRUE and HONEST Christians commonly wear crosses.
*'''2. "Thou shalt not make an image or any likeness of what is in the heavens above"''': The most common interpretation is that this commandment does not forbid drawing pictures of heavenly beings (seen above), but instead refers to the construction or fashioning of "idols" in the likeness of created things (beasts, fish, birds, people) and worshiping them. Chris seems to believe that either the [[Medallions of Fail]] or the [[Amnyfest Ring]] are the source of [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|supernatural powers]], in direct violation of this commandment.
*'''3. "Thou shalt not swear falsely by the name of thy Lord"''': Chris has repeatedly cited the name of God when making outrageous claims about what he intends to do, whether it be to get back at [[trolls]], or to find a potential [[sweetheart]], regardless of whether or not he actually succeeds in meeting these unrealistic expectations. He also says "goddamn" a lot too.
*'''4. "Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy"''': As noted above, the Sabbath is almost exclusively observed by Jews rather than Christians, but it is still pretty likely that Chris has broken this commandment by "going to work" (making his comics, which he intends to make money off of) on Saturday. A more straight-up example would be the countless times that he has neglected going to church on Sunday, the Christian sabbath.
*'''5. "Honor thy [[Bob Chandler|father]] and thy [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]"''': Surprisingly, Chris has come pretty close to actually obeying this commandment. Not close enough, however, as Chris has been known to do [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|things]] that [[Bob walks in|upset]] his father. He also [[Bob Walks In Aftermath|called his father a bastard]] once.
*'''6. "Thou shalt not kill"''': Hoo boy. Chris [[Death threats|seems to want to directly defy this commandment]]. Bonus points for actually praying to GodJesus to kill his enemies... and then repenting to GodJesus in the same breath.
*'''7. "Thou shalt not commit adultery"''': In the literal sense, Chris will most likely be following this commandment [[Virgin with Rage|for the rest of his life]]. Christians believe that this commandment states that they should avoid having any lustful thoughts, sex before marriage, etc. Figuratively, however, he broke this rule when he cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] and had phone sex with [[Julie]]. In his [[comic]], his affair with [[Lovely Weather]] arguably counts as a form of adultery, as well, and even if it doesn't, his subsequent affair with Meg from ''[[Family Guy]]'' certainly does. Also, he clearly has [[Third date|no problem with]] [[F Abstinance|premarital sex in general]].
*'''8. "Thou shalt not steal"''': If [[Chris and Copyright|plagiarism]] counts, he may as well be sitting in the Devil's lap. He has stolen money from his parents to purchase games on PSN and he even purposely wrote a bad check to Joshua for a PSP. Also, one could argue that he is guilty of stealing [[monthly tugboat|your taxpayer dollars.]] Although, some scholars argue that this commandment actually means ''Thou shalt not kidnap'', which Chris hasn't done ... yet. Watch your back, ladies.
*'''9. "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor"''': Chris has been known to [[Lie|bend the truth]] in order to make himself look good and to defame [[Jerkops|other]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|people]], if his [[Sub-Episodes|comics]] are any indicator.
*'''10. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods"''': Arguably the one he is most guilty of breaking. As noted in the Seven Deadly Sins, Chris has shown to be extremely resentful to other people who win prizes, be they [[Adam Stackhouse|video games]], [[Honor Roll|art awards]], or [[JERKS|girlfriends]]. It should also be noted that the original passage in the Bible specifically forbids the coveting of your [[Liquid Chris|neighbor]]'s [[Kacey|wife]], which would be a bit redundant considering #7.

===Breaking the Levitical Laws===

The Levitical laws were written for Hebrews, as a covenant with God. They are a priestly code of social behavior, with the agreement that: if the laws are followed, the Hebrews would be given the Promised Land. Despite the fact that these laws were made for a culture thousands of years ago, and only followed by strict observers of Halakha, Chris seems to have no problem applying these laws to modern times and modern people. Well, [[Chris and hypocrisy|sometimes]].

In [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus]], Chris touts one of the most used and abused Bible verses, Leviticus 18:22, as evidence that [[homos|homosexuality]] is "just plain wrong". Unknown to Chris, and many people who cite this verse, this is a part of the old Levitical code, which has many, many other commandments. Most Christians pick and choose which Levitical laws they obey and which were "merely metaphor" or "just for the Hebrews" despite what [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew%205:17&version=NIV Jesus Christ said about the laws]. Chris breaks Levitical Law on a near daily basis.

There are many, many laws, and Chris breaks too many of them for them to all be listed here. Some prime examples include:

*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2011&version=NIV Leviticus 11]''' This whole chapter deals with was sort of animals you should and should not eat. Even though Chris eats at [[McDonald's]] every "2 or 3 times a week", odds are that he's had pork or shellfish at least once in his life, if not many times.
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:11&version=NIV Leviticus 19:11]''' "Do not steal. Do not lie. Do not deceive one another." [[List of Chris's lies|Chris lies a lot]].
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:12&version=NIV Leviticus 19:12]''' "Do not swear falsely by my name and so profane the name of your God. I am the LORD." Most of this article is dedicated to the misuse of God's name.
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:19&version=NIV Leviticus 19:19]''' "Keep my decrees: Do not mate different kinds of animals. Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material." Chris benefits from the science of hybridization daily. Those Chicken McNuggets of which he's ever so fond come from hybrid corn, and you can bet his [[Chris and Fashion|clothes]] aren't a pure weave. And what is [[Sonichu]], if not "mating different kinds of animals": a [[Sonic|hedgehog]] and a [[Pokemon|pikachu]] (itself a hybrid of the mouse and the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pika pika])?
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:26&version=NIV Leviticus 19:26]''' "Do not eat any meat with the blood still in it. Do not practice divination or sorcery." It's fairly doubtful that Chris keeps kosher about the meat, but more importantly... [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse-ye-ha-me-ha!]] [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|FORGIVENESS BLESSINGS!]]
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:27&version=NIV Leviticus 19:27]''' "Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard." [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back]]
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:28&version=NIV Leviticus 19:28]''' "Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD." While Chris has not directly violated this law, he has used tattoos to [[Chris and fashion#The "IBA." outfit|attract the ladies]].

==Chris the Shaman==
{{quote|The spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! She will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.|Chris, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]}}
[[Image:Ickeriss_medallions.jpg|thumb|right||The Medallions serve as Chris's connection to the spirit realm.]]

Despite his professed Christianity, Chris's beliefs and behaviors almost tend towards a sort of shamanistic mindset, where God is a force to be controlled and the universe can be influenced by various mystic rituals. In Chris's case, he seems to believe that his tirades and tantrums will somehow affect the trolls who torment him. His attacks on the [[Clown Doll]], for instance, are a metaphorical threat, but also suggest an attempt at somehow literally harming the trolls through [[Wikipedia:sympathetic magic|sympathetic magic]], like a voodoo doll. He views his revenge against his enemies in the comic or in ''[[Soul Calibur]] III'' as being equivalent to actual revenge, rather than simply venting.

The world of [[CWCville]] is also a spirit realm, where Chris is almighty and can create and shape it as he pleases due to his power of "creativity". It exists outside, but parallel, to the real world, and sometimes Chris seems to honestly believe that it's a real place, even if it's just imaginary. This idea of the spirit realm became more valid when, in a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|video]], Chris claimed that the soul of his [[Patti Chandler|dead dog]] (now [[Patti-Chan|living in CWCville]]) would devour Alec Benson Leary's soul and haunt his [[dreams]].

While Chris has used the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] in reality, he never took it too seriously, at least until he used it on [[Liquid Chris]] in a video. With the "kidnapping" of Liquid, he then realized that he had "the power" to actually curse people. He also developed a new ability to bless people via the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|Forgiveness Blessings]] skill. He honestly seems to believe that these powers are real, even stating in one video that if it works, then he knows he has "the power." GaoGaiGar fans then promptly wanted to hit Chris for his abuse of [[Wikipedia:The_King_of_Braves_GaoGaiGar_glossary#.22THE_POWER.22_and_Jupiter-X|ZA POWER]]. Chris later stated in a music video that if people antagonize him, they will be cursed, but if you're true and honest, you will receive blessings.

Chris ought to be aware that his sorcery is not merely atypical of a Christian, but in fact explicitly proscribed by his faith. [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=galatians%205:19-20&version=KJV Galatians 5:19-20] lists witchcraft as one of the more blatant acts of sin, whilst in the Old Testament, [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus+22%3A18&version=KJV Exodus 22:18] commands "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live". That's right, there's a Biblical mandate for Chris's death. Alec Benson Leary, in one of his [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|phone calls]] with Chris, attempted to point out the thoroughly un-Christian nature of Chris's dabbling in black magic, but his reasoning appeared to have little effect.

Of course, it is important to remember, even if he did convert to a shamanistic faith, chances are most groups would kick him out just as quickly. Cursing people is one of the few things Wiccans and neo-Pagans are forbidden from doing, and most all groups would look down upon his general idiocy and his dabbling into powers [[Slow-in-the-minds|beyond his comprehension]]. No matter what, Chris will likely be hated for being an [[Chris and his ego|egotistical]], [[Women's Rights|sexist]], [[Chris and Race|racist]], [[Fail|failure]].

For all we know, Chris will one day start popping magic mushrooms and writing comics based on that, which many agree would be a huge improvement on his current work.

==Delusions of Godhood?==
{{quote|Fear not. For behold I bring tidings of great joy.|Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10]]}}
{{quote|I prayed for forgiveness from the real Christian. Sonichu, will he forgive me?|Aspie Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10]]}}
[[Image:Issue 10 Pg 48.jpg|thumb|Sonichu cracks open his tomb and descends in a beam of light.]]
Starting on page 42 of [[Issue 10]], Chris displays a somewhat disturbing twist to the plot (such as it is) of his comics. [[Ultra Sonichu]] frees [[Zelina Rosechu]] from her stoned state using his Chaotic powers, then appears to [[Darkbind Sonichu]] with a message similar in tone, if not outright text, to prophecies of the coming of Jesus Christ (complete with arms outstretched as if he were suspended on a crucifix).

Later on in the issue, Ultra Sonichu travels to the world of [[Asperchu]], where the characters of that comic inform him that they were forced into their roles by Alec, and that they had been praying to Christian Weston Chandler for deliverance and forgiveness. And lo Chris-chan did send the Messiah Sonichu to end their suffering. Sonichu uses the "Chaotic Remedy" to miraculously cure them all of their [[Asperger's syndrome]] (even though only Asperchu himself had the condition) and gives them new names and new, "better" looks.

It should be noted that, like Jesus Christ, [[Sonichu]] was born to a [[virgin with rage|virgin]].

Possibly in response to criticism about acting as God, in [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_62 later pages] Chris addressed the issue of the non-canon chaotic combo worshiping him in an incredibly ignorant manner. First, he declares that he is not God but "a servant of him and Jesus", and immediately after goes on to "forgive" Michael (the copycat Sonichu's made-over name) for "baring false witness against <nowiki>[Chris]</nowiki>", as if he has the authority to forgive the breaking of the ten commandments, ''like he's God or something.''

Further evidence of Chris's blossoming God complex comes through his answer to some of the frequently asked questions that were put to him via the [[Mailbag]], where he states that he considers Sonichu to have over a billion fans. The only other fictional character who can claim such a number is God himself. This mad fuckery is compounded by the fact that Chris is like a God to Sonichu; this means that his opinion of himself is that of a God's God. Or maybe a [[Christopher's name change|God's bear]]. Chris moves in mysterious ways.
{{clear}}

==Chris and other faiths==
Chris has never had much to say about religious beliefs other than his own, least of all non-Christian beliefs. Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the suburban American south, he probably hasn't had much practical exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an [[IRC (28 December 2008)|IRC chat]], he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith. [[Vivitheg's_AIM_chat|Vivian Gee]]'s belief in Daoism seemed to be a concept he couldn't process.

He doesn't think much of atheists, but even there Chris has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus." The irony here is that it's even harder for Atheists to try and take God and Jesus seriously enough to believe in them when Chris goes around boasting about having the deities on his side as though they were his personal avengers. When asked "You often attempt to scare your trolls by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?" in [[Mailbag 35]], his response was "Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", [Chris uses quotations despite the original question not containing the phrase] [[Chris and reality|IT IS FACT]]. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet."

[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]] reveals that Chris has some awareness of Judaism, probably picked up from watching [[South Park]]. He appears to not understand that Jews or Buddhists don't celebrate [[Christmas]]. However, in the way he wrote it, it is unknown if he's implying that Christians, [[Hanukkah|Jews]] and [[Christmas#Jolly Buddah (sic)|Buddhists]] go to the same church or if he's saying they go to separate places of worship but calls them churches because his vocabulary is heavily lacking. In [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]], Chris is being blatantly anti-Semitic by "just throwing it out there" that he thinks Snyder is a Jew, and uses "Jew" as an insult. [[Some Favored Comedians]] is a thinly-veiled furious backpedaling attempt in which he rambles on and on about how he respects Jewish comedians.

In a CWCipedia [[Chris-Chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris-Chan_the_Moralf.2A.2A| article]], he strongly hints at feeling great hatred towards Muslims. Although the article primarily exists to deny various accusations trolls have made about him, he does not deny being a "prolific hater of all things not Christian".

==TL;DR version==

Chris is a terrible Christian and will likely burn in hell.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Angelica Rosechu]]
*[[Dreams]]
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Christian's name change|GodBear]]
*[[Grace Baptist Church]]
*[[Wesley Foundation Methodist Church]]

==External links==
*[http://store.engrish.com/godjest.html Buy your own Godjesus T-shirt here.]

{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and religion

2010-07-10T00:24:37Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Guilty of all "Seven Deadly Sins" */

{{quote|When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.|1st Corinthians 13:11, on what Chris <s>has failed to</s> will never do.}}

{{quote|And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of [[JERKS|envy]], murder, debate, [[Lies|deceit]], malignity; whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, [[Chris and his ego|proud]], boasters, inventors of [[Sonichu|evil things]], [[Bob Chandler|disobedient to parents]], without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.|Romans 1:28-32, on Chris}}

{{quote|my CURRENT church can help me a LOT better than any "professional"|Chris being a Xenufag, to [[Vivian Gee|Vivitheg]]}}
[[Image:CHRISjesuss.jpg|thumb|right||Program from Chris's baptism]]
'''The religion of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]''' is a complicated topic because his stated religious convictions often differ from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil.

That Chris professes a belief in Christianity completes the general stereotype of the naive hillbilly idiot who thinks that citing divine authority is the way to win arguments about things he doesn't understand. With religion, like anything else, Chris only hears what he wants to hear. For example, he accepts his religion's teachings condemning [[homos]]exuality ''and'' ignores the fact that it also forbids pre-marital sex, [[Nudes|pornography]], and [[Mass debating|masturbation]]. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that [[PandaHalo]] had been raped and impregnated by [[Clyde Cash]]: He actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents... shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion.

Chris's narrow view of the world requires that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] share his religious beliefs, despite the fact that they also regard Chris as their almighty creator and father.

Regardless of his religion, Chris believes he has received [[Dreams|multiple visions from God]].

==Denomination==
[[Image:SonichuRosechuReligious.jpg|thumb|right|Sonichu and Rosechu recall Joseph's story of "forgiveness" prior to Rosechu brutally faceraping [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].]]
At some time in his youth, Chris was baptized in an unspecified [[Wikipedia:Methodism|Methodist]] church.<ref>[[IRC_(28_December_2008)]]</ref> The first church he and his parents are known to have attended is [[Grace Baptist Church]], a small congregation in [[Charlottesville]] that launched in 2000.<ref>http://cvilletomorrow.typepad.com/charlottesville_tomorrow_/2007/12/grace_baptist.html</ref> In 2008 he was, under [[Nudes|mysterious circumstances]], forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]].

"Wesley Mem" is located near the [[University of Virginia]] and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among [[trolls]] is that congregations more in line with Chris's opinions of [[homos]] are equally intolerant of him, so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the [[Wikipedia:Southern Baptist|Southern Baptist]] and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant.

Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, [[Angelica Rosechu]], whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of CWCville - she's still as much of a slut as the rest of the Rosechus. (Not to mention, her home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Catholic church Chris could have come up with, as most Catholic churches have a patron saint.)

[[PandaHalo]]'s persona was designed to be devoutly Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows pre-marital sex because his pastor said so. Members of the same religion often differ on the finer points of God's will because ultimately there is no objective point of reference to settle the dispute. Chris cannot comprehend this because to him his beliefs ''are'' that point of reference; [[Autism|you either share his beliefs or you're receiving bad information]].

==Concept of God (or: GodJesus)==
[[Image:Jesusbot.jpg|thumb|right|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES]]
[[Image:CWCletter.jpg|thumb|left|Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that [[Blanca]] is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the [[trolls|trolls']] side.]]
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|God and Jesus tell Chris he is meant to be with Ivy who is [[lie|totally not a troll]].]]
[[Image:Issue 0A Page 8 edit.JPG|thumb|left|Radar sums it up nicely]]

Chris has a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent God; beyond this, he also accepts Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He's reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God. In effect, Chris frequently refers to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus"<ref>[[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions]]</ref><ref>[[CWC_Update_9_April_2009]]</ref>) as if they were some sort of two-headed creature, unlike the Christian concept of the Holy Trinity, which states that God himself exists as three "persons" or expressions. This would technically make him closer to a [[Wikipedia:Unitarian|Unitarian]] than a Methodist.

Being the unparalleled study in egotism he is, Chris seems to view God as a more of a metaphor for his own will than a supreme being to whom he is subject. To Chris, God will overlook (or doesn't care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they are against him. Case in point, the ''fact'' that Chris cheated in the [[PaRappa the Rapper contest]] is not nearly as important as the ''suspicion'' that [[Adam Stackhouse]] did.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism, except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his worldview, God's primary purpose is to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. He is commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will...[insert anything Chris [[fail|fails]] at]." He often invokes the wrath of God in his [[Death threats|infantile threats]], and is oblivious to the fact God has yet to back him up on any of them.

Chris attributes most of his motivations to commands given to him directly from GodJesus in [[Dreams|visions]]. His exact beliefs concerning these prophetic dreams are difficult to pin down, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. For instance, after Chris had a vision about fathering a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughter]], he decided he was required to actively [[Love Quest|make that happen]] while also assuring himself that [[fail]]ure was impossible. When Chris was being accused of [[Chris and race|racism]] for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that prophesied daughter must be white.

Subsequent visions from God have supposedly confirmed that [[Blanca]], [[PandaHalo]], and [[Ivy]] were to be the mother of Chris's child, despite the fact that each of these women subsequently turned out to be [[trolls]]. This proves that God, if he exists, is either not responsible for Chris's supposedly prophetic dreams, or is having a [[Laughs Under Lucricities|laugh at his expense]].

Chris also believes that if he confesses his sins to GodJesus he will be forgiven. Private confessions directly to God are not uncommon in Protestantism, but generally it's assumed that the confessor is doing so to genuinely atone for mistakes. However, Chris abuses the purpose of confession so that he can commit whatever wrongs he wants and then wipe the slate clean with his "confession." For example, Chris made [[To_Clyde_and_Jack|a video]] in which he suggested that Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus kill themselves so they can burn in hell forever. He later drew them doing just that in his comic. Just one day after the comic appearance, Chris answered a fan letter in [[Mailbag 33]] asking why he had been wishing suicide upon them, and pointing out that such a wish conflicts with his Christian beliefs. Chris responded that he had "confessed of that to God and Jesus, and they have forgiven [him] on that." One of two things happened: either Chris wished for their deaths in the video, asked for forgiveness, then gleefully drew it happening afterward anyway, or he waited until he'd finally got done saying his piece, then conveniently offered up his confession right after getting everything out of his system. Either way, such a confession is highly disingenuous.

It's important to ask Christians why, if God is so loving, there is pain and suffering in the world, and why they have suffered at the hands of him. However, unlike many Christians, Chris can't even think of a half-assed answer to the question. It's strange that despite Chris's strong belief that GodJesus is backing him up on his [[Love Quest]], that God imparts on him such [[stress]] and trolling. He seems to believe that the way prayer works is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please". To Chris, prayer is apparently like ordering a pizza, and as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it, a principle that applies to base and material things as much as spiritual guidance.
{{clear}}

==Afterlife==
[[Image:Apostle_paul_rembrandt.jpg|thumb|left|The likely reaction of Apostle Paul to Chris's 'interpretation' of the Bible]]
[[Image:Jesus facepalm.jpg|thumb|right|Jesus's reaction to Chris's antics.]]
{{Quote|For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.|Ephesians 2:8-10, on the place of good deeds in the Christian faith.}}
{{Quote|Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and possibly Reincarnation.|Chris, [[Mailbag 30#Questions|with his own theory]].}}

While the idea of good deeds causing someone to go to heaven and bad deeds sending them to hell is not an uncommon one, Protestant theology explicitly states that the salvation of one's soul is based completely on one's faith. In general this teaching means that one's prior sins (no matter how terrible) can be forgiven by God, and that members of the faith should try to live righteous lives not because it will get them into heaven, but simply because doing so is morally the right thing to do. The salvation of one's soul through faith is essentially the single point upon which nearly every Protestant denomination is based.

Like everything else, Chris fails at this basic concept, stating that one goes to heaven or hell based completely on personal actions. He personally believes he will go to heaven because he's done "[[Common Questions#Answered 01/01/10|a lot of good deeds]]". Likewise, he feels that [[homos]] are almost certainly bound to go to hell, and need to turn straight to "[[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|better their chances of going to heaven]]". He has also stated numerous times that he feels [[Clyde Cash|various]] [[Jack Thaddeus|trolls]] are bound for hell for making fun of people over the internet. He has suggested that they [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|commit suicide]] so that they might receive their eternal punishment faster.

Additionally, Chris [[Mailbag 21#Chris gets a call from The Doctor|believes in the concept of reincarnation]], common in Hinduism and other Eastern religions, though he has yet to offer any criteria for what might cause someone to be reincarnated.

==Concept of sin==
{{quote|But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...|Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44}}

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO [[Death threats|KILL]] [[JASON KENDRICK HOWELL]]|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls]] Forum}}

{{quote|HAVE A GOD DAMN HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MOMENT YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU GOD DAMN BITCHING WHORE!|E-mail from Chris to [[Vivian]]}}

Other than vehemently opposing [[homos]], [[trolls]], and [[jerkops]], Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible. His homophobia apparently had nothing to do with Leviticus 18:22, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from [[Family Guy]]. His [[Fapcup|aversion to "spilling his seed"]] and his [[recycling|dedication to the unborn]] have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] in violation of his monogamous relationship with [[Ivy]], Chris made [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|a big production]] out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggests that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

===Guilty of all "Seven Deadly Sins"===
[[Image:Pope face palm.jpg|thumb|right|His Holiness's reaction to Chris's commission of all Seven Deadly Sins.]]

The concept of there being "seven deadly sins" is more a conception of the Catholics than of the Protestants, who will mostly tell you that ''any'' sin is equally as bad in the eyes of God. Given that Chris very likely could not tell the difference, it doesn't matter much. 

*'''Lust''': His [[Love Quest]]. Between all the purchases of sex toys and pornography, masturbation, sexual fantasies, intentions with prospective mates, and his objectification of women, lust is not only what seems to consume his every thought, it may very well be what leads to the consumption of his soul by Beelzebub (if you believe in that sort of thing). In fact, he's now on a [[Fuck Quest]]. (See also [[Chris and Sex]]).
*'''Gluttony''': It is not quite known if Chris's [[obesity|girth]] is [[Barbara|hereditary]] or the result of [[McDonalds|over consumption]], but the latter seems more likely having been a spoiled child and being sedentary for the greater part of his life.
*'''Avarice/Greed''': Chris's obsession with gaining wealth via winning contests and his behavior in trying to do so (e.g. putting [[Cole Smithey|his brother's]] questions about his paternity on the back burner while nagging him to vote for him), demonstrate an extreme desire for material gain. Also, he steals from his parents to buy [[PS3|video games he'll never play]]. (See also [[Chris and Money]]).
*'''Sloth''': Obvious; see ''Gluttony''. Content to be the proud recipient of a "[[monthly tugboat]]" while sitting on his ass playing video games and surfing the Internet, Christian rarely even puts forth even the minimal amount effort necessary to draw his Sonichu comics more than a few times a year. He believes doing routine household chores is [[stress|"stressful"]] and an equivalent to holding a real job.
*'''Wrath''': [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[Jerkops]]. [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]. "[[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!]]". [[Chris_and_anger|Yeah...]]
*'''Envy''': [[Jerks|His attitude towards other men]] as having taken [[Virgin with rage|"ALL THE PRETTY GIRLS AND LEFT NONE FOR ME!!!"]] is a lot more envy than ''anyone'', let alone Christians, should ever hold towards anything. Another proof of his envy was the personal hate that he aimed at [[Adam Stackhouse]], the winner of the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]]. Frankly, Adam deserved to win, but Chris cannot accept that someone else has something (talent) which he does not.
*'''Pride''': Chris's [[Autism|self-centered worldview]] and inability to note his own flaws. Narcissus himself would look down on him for his selfishness. This is partly due to incessant coddling and sheltering from his parents his whole life, while being told that he is perfect in every way, because having autism makes him special. Chris has been told his entire life that the fact that he has autism means that he should have everything handed to him on a silver platter. (See also [[Chris and his Ego]])

===Breaking all "Ten Commandments"===

Similar to the above, the concept of the Ten Commandments is more commonly associated with Judaism than Christianity, but, as noted, Chris is probably too goddamn stupid to tell the difference.

*'''1. "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me"''': While he claims to be devoted to GodJesus [[Chris and Reality|in real life]], his [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|in-comic persona]] seems to be a full-blown God Mode Sue. Furthermore, he wears a [[Medallion of Fail]] around his neck, in the same place where TRUE and HONEST Christians commonly wear crosses.
*'''2. "Thou shalt not make an image or any likeness of what is in the heavens above"''': The most common interpretation is that this commandment does not forbid drawing pictures of heavenly beings (seen above), but instead refers to the construction or fashioning of "idols" in the likeness of created things (beasts, fish, birds, people) and worshiping them. Chris seems to believe that either the Medallions of Fail or the [[Amnyfest Ring]] are the source of [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|supernatural powers]], in direct violation of this commandment.
*'''3. "Thou shalt not swear falsely by the name of thy Lord"''': Chris has repeatedly cited the name of God when making outrageous claims about what he intends to do, whether it be to get back at [[trolls]], or to find a potential [[sweetheart]], regardless of whether or not he actually succeeds in meeting these unrealistic expectations. He also says 'goddamn' a lot too.
*'''4. "Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy"''': As noted above, the Sabbath is almost exclusively observed by Jews rather than Christians, but it is still pretty likely that Chris has broken this commandment by "going to work" (making his comics, which he intends to make money off of) on Saturday. A more straight-up example would be the countless times that he has neglected going to church on Sunday, the Christian sabbath.
*'''5. "Honor thy [[Bob Chandler|father]] and thy [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]"''': Surprisingly, Chris has come pretty close to actually obeying this commandment. Not close enough, however, as Chris has been known to do [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|things]] that [[Bob walks in|upset]] his father. He also [[Bob Walks In Aftermath|called his father a bastard]] once.
*'''6. "Thou shalt not kill"''': Hoo boy. Chris [[Death threats|seems to want to directly defy this commandment]]. Bonus points for actually praying to GodJesus to kill his enemies.
*'''7. "Thou shalt not commit adultery"''': In the literal sense, Chris will most likely be following this commandment [[Virgin with Rage|for the rest of his life]]. Christians believe that this commandment states that they should avoid having any lustful thoughts, sex before marriage, etc. Figuratively, however, he broke this rule when he cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] and had phone sex with [[Julie]]. In his [[comic]], his affair with [[Lovely Weather]] arguably counts as a form of adultery, as well, and even if it doesn't, his subsequent affair with Meg from ''[[Family Guy]]'' certainly does. Also, he clearly has [[Third date|no problem with]] [[F Abstinance|premarital sex in general]].
*'''8. "Thou shalt not steal"''': It is unknown if Chris has ever stolen any physical thing in real life, but if [[Chris and Copyright|plagiarism]] counts, he may as well be sitting in the Devil's lap. He has, however, stolen money from his parents to purchase games on PSN and he even purposely wrote a bad check to Joshua for a PSP. Also, one could argue that he is guilty of stealing [[monthly tugboat|your taxpayer dollars.]] Although, some scholars argue that this commandment actually means ''Thou shalt not kidnap'', which Chris hasn't done ... yet. Watch your back, ladies.
*'''9. "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor"''': Chris has been known to [[Lie|bend the truth]] in order to make himself look good and to defame [[Jerkops|other]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|people]], if his [[Sub-Episodes|comics]] are any indicator.
*'''10. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods"''': Arguably the one he is most guilty of breaking. As noted in the Seven Deadly Sins, Chris has shown to be extremely resentful to other people who win prizes, be they [[Adam Stackhouse|video games]], [[Honor Roll|art awards]], or [[JERKS|girlfriends]]. It should also be noted that the original passage in the Bible specifically forbids the coveting of your [[Liquid Chris|neighbor]]'s [[Kacey|wife]].

===Breaking the Levitical Laws===

The Levitical laws were written for Hebrews, as a covenant with God. They are a priestly code of social behavior, with the agreement that: if the laws are followed, the Hebrews would be given the Promised Land. Despite the fact that these laws were made for a culture thousands of years ago, and only followed by strict observers of Halakha, Chris seems to have no problem applying these laws to modern times and modern people. Well, [[Chris and hypocrisy|sometimes]].

In [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus]], Chris touts one of the most used and abused Bible verses, Leviticus 18:22, as evidence that [[homos|homosexuality]] is "just plain wrong". Unknown to Chris, and many people who cite this verse, this is a part of the old Levitical code, which has many, many other commandments. Most Christians pick and choose which Levitical laws they obey and which were "merely metaphor" or "just for the Hebrews" despite what [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew%205:17&version=NIV Jesus Christ said about the laws]. Chris breaks Levitical Law on a near daily basis.

There are many, many laws, and Chris breaks too many of them for them to all be listed here. Some prime examples include:

*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2011&version=NIV Leviticus 11]''' This whole chapter deals with was sort of animals you should and should not eat. Even though Chris eats at [[McDonald's]] every "2 or 3 times a week", odds are that he's had pork or shellfish at least once in his life, if not many times.
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:11&version=NIV Leviticus 19:11]''' "Do not steal. Do not lie. Do not deceive one another." [[List of Chris's lies|Chris lies a lot]].
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:12&version=NIV Leviticus 19:12]''' "Do not swear falsely by my name and so profane the name of your God. I am the LORD." Most of this article is dedicated to the misuse of God's name.
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:19&version=NIV Leviticus 19:19]''' "Keep my decrees: Do not mate different kinds of animals. Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material." Chris benefits from the science of hybridization daily. Those Chicken McNuggets of which he's ever so fond come from hybrid corn, and you can bet his [[Chris and Fashion|clothes]] aren't a pure weave. And what is [[Sonichu]], if not "mating different kinds of animals": a [[Sonic|hedgehog]] and a [[Pokemon|pikachu]] (itself a hybrid of the mouse and the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pika pika])?
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:26&version=NIV Leviticus 19:26]''' "Do not eat any meat with the blood still in it. Do not practice divination or sorcery." It's fairly doubtful that Chris keeps kosher about the meat, but more importantly... [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse-ye-ha-me-ha!]] [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|FORGIVENESS BLESSINGS!]]
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:27&version=NIV Leviticus 19:27]''' "Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard." [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back]]
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:28&version=NIV Leviticus 19:28]''' "Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD." While Chris has not directly violated this law, he has used tattoos to [[Chris and fashion#The "IBA." outfit|attract the ladies]].

==Chris the Shaman==
{{quote|The spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! She will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.|Chris, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]}}
[[Image:Ickeriss_medallions.jpg|thumb|right||The Medallions serve as Chris's connection to the spirit realm.]]

Despite his professed Christianity, Chris's beliefs and behaviors almost tend towards a sort of shamanistic mindset, where God is a force to be controlled and the universe can be influenced by various mystic rituals. In Chris's case, he seems to believe that his tirades and tantrums will somehow affect the trolls who torment him. His attacks on the [[Clown Doll]], for instance, are a metaphorical threat, but also suggest an attempt at somehow literally harming the trolls through [[Wikipedia:sympathetic magic|sympathetic magic]], like a voodoo doll. He views his revenge against his enemies in the comic or in ''[[Soul Calibur]] III'' as being equivalent to actual revenge, rather than simply venting.

The world of [[CWCville]] is also a spirit realm, where Chris is almighty and can create and shape it as he pleases due to his power of "creativity". It exists outside, but parallel, to the real world, and sometimes Chris seems to honestly believe that it's a real place, even if it's just imaginary. This idea of the spirit realm became more valid when, in a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|video]], Chris claimed that the soul of his [[Patti Chandler|dead dog]] (now [[Patti-Chan|living in CWCville]]) would devour Alec Benson Leary's soul and haunt his [[dreams]].

While Chris has used the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] in reality, he never took it too seriously, at least until he used it on [[Liquid Chris]] in a video. With the "kidnapping" of Liquid, he then realized that he had "the power" to actually curse people. He also developed a new ability to bless people via the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|Forgiveness Blessings]] skill. He honestly seems to believe that these powers are real, even stating in one video that if it works, then he knows he has "the power." GaoGaiGar fans then promptly wanted to hit Chris for his abuse of [[Wikipedia:The_King_of_Braves_GaoGaiGar_glossary#.22THE_POWER.22_and_Jupiter-X|ZA POWER]]. Chris later stated in a music video that if people antagonize him, they will be cursed, but if you're true and honest, you will receive blessings.

Chris ought to be aware that his sorcery is not merely atypical of a Christian, but in fact explicitly proscribed by his faith. [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=galatians%205:19-20&version=KJV Galatians 5:19-20] lists witchcraft as one of the more blatant acts of sin, whilst in the Old Testament, [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus+22%3A18&version=KJV Exodus 22:18] commands "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live". That's right, there's a Biblical mandate for Chris's death. Alec Benson Leary, in one of his [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|phone calls]] with Chris, attempted to point out the thoroughly un-Christian nature of Chris's dabbling in black magic, but his reasoning appeared to have little effect.

Of course, it is important to remember, even if he did convert to a shamanistic faith, chances are most groups would kick him out just as quickly. Cursing people is one of the few things Wiccans and neo-Pagans are forbidden from doing, and most all groups would look down upon his general idiocy and his dabbling into powers [[Slow-in-the-minds|beyond his comprehension]]. No matter what, Chris will likely be hated for being an [[Chris and his ego|egotistical]], [[Women's Rights|sexist]], [[Chris and Race|racist]], [[Fail|failure]].

For all we know, Chris will one day start popping magic mushrooms and writing comics based on that, which many agree would be a huge improvement on his current work.

==Delusions of Godhood?==
{{quote|Fear not. For behold I bring tidings of great joy.|Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10]]}}
{{quote|I prayed for forgiveness from the real Christian. Sonichu, will he forgive me?|Aspie Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10]]}}
[[Image:Issue 10 Pg 48.jpg|thumb|Sonichu cracks open his tomb and descends in a beam of light.]]
Starting on page 42 of [[Issue 10]], Chris displays a somewhat disturbing twist to the plot (such as it is) of his comics. [[Ultra Sonichu]] frees [[Zelina Rosechu]] from her stoned state using his Chaotic powers, then appears to [[Darkbind Sonichu]] with a message similar in tone, if not outright text, to prophecies of the coming of Jesus Christ (complete with arms outstretched as if he were suspended on a crucifix).

Later on in the issue, Ultra Sonichu travels to the world of [[Asperchu]], where the characters of that comic inform him that they were forced into their roles by Alec, and that they had been praying to Christian Weston Chandler for deliverance and forgiveness. And lo Chris-chan did send the Messiah Sonichu to end their suffering. Sonichu uses the "Chaotic Remedy" to miraculously cure them all of their [[Asperger's syndrome]] (even though only Asperchu himself had the condition) and gives them new names and new, "better" looks.

It should be noted that, like Jesus Christ, [[Sonichu]] was born to a [[virgin with rage|virgin]].

Possibly in response to criticism about acting as God, in [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_62 later pages] Chris addressed the issue of the non-canon chaotic combo worshiping him in an incredibly ignorant manner. First, he declares that he is not God but "a servant of him and Jesus", and immediately after goes on to "forgive" Michael (the copycat Sonichu's made-over name) for "baring false witness against <nowiki>[Chris]</nowiki>", as if he has the authority to forgive the breaking of the ten commandments, ''like he's God or something.''

Further evidence of Chris's blossoming God complex comes through his answer to some of the frequently asked questions that were put to him via the [[Mailbag]], where he states that he considers Sonichu to have over a billion fans. The only other fictional character who can claim such a number is God himself. This mad fuckery is compounded by the fact that Chris is like a God to Sonichu; this means that his opinion of himself is that of a God's God. Or maybe a [[Christopher's name change|God's bear]]. Chris moves in mysterious ways.
{{clear}}

==Chris and other faiths==
Chris has never had much to say about religious beliefs other than his own, least of all non-Christian beliefs. Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the suburban American south, he probably hasn't had much practical exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an [[IRC (28 December 2008)|IRC chat]], he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith. [[Vivitheg's_AIM_chat|Vivian Gee]]'s belief in Daoism seemed to be a concept he couldn't process.

He doesn't think much of atheists, but even there Chris has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus." The irony here is that it's even harder for Atheists to try and take God and Jesus seriously enough to believe in them when Chris goes around boasting about having the deities on his side as though they were his personal avengers. When asked "You often attempt to scare your trolls by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?" in [[Mailbag 35]], his response was "Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", [Chris uses quotations despite the original question not containing the phrase] [[Chris and reality|IT IS FACT]]. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet."

[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]] reveals that Chris has some awareness of Judaism, probably picked up from watching [[South Park]]. He appears to not understand that Jews or Buddhists don't celebrate [[Christmas]]. However, in the way he wrote it, it is unknown if he's implying that Christians, [[Hanukkah|Jews]] and [[Christmas#Jolly Buddah (sic)|Buddhists]] go to the same church or if he's saying they go to separate places of worship but calls them churches because his vocabulary is heavily lacking. In [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]], Chris is being blatantly anti-Semitic by "just throwing it out there" that he thinks Snyder is a Jew, and uses "Jew" as an insult. [[Some Favored Comedians]] is a thinly-veiled furious backpedaling attempt in which he rambles on and on about how he respects Jewish comedians.

In a CWCipedia [[Chris-Chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris-Chan_the_Moralf.2A.2A| article]], he strongly hints at feeling great hatred towards Muslims. Although the article primarily exists to deny various accusations trolls have made about him, he does not deny being a "prolific hater of all things not Christian".

==TL;DR version==

Chris is a terrible Christian and will likely burn in hell.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Angelica Rosechu]]
*[[Dreams]]
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Christian's name change|GodBear]]
*[[Grace Baptist Church]]
*[[Wesley Foundation Methodist Church]]

==External links==
*[http://store.engrish.com/godjest.html Buy your own Godjesus T-shirt here.]

{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and religion

2010-07-10T00:11:04Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Concept of God (or: GodJesus) */

{{quote|When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.|1st Corinthians 13:11, on what Chris <s>has failed to</s> will never do.}}

{{quote|And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of [[JERKS|envy]], murder, debate, [[Lies|deceit]], malignity; whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, [[Chris and his ego|proud]], boasters, inventors of [[Sonichu|evil things]], [[Bob Chandler|disobedient to parents]], without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.|Romans 1:28-32, on Chris}}

{{quote|my CURRENT church can help me a LOT better than any "professional"|Chris being a Xenufag, to [[Vivian Gee|Vivitheg]]}}
[[Image:CHRISjesuss.jpg|thumb|right||Program from Chris's baptism]]
'''The religion of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]''' is a complicated topic because his stated religious convictions often differ from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil.

That Chris professes a belief in Christianity completes the general stereotype of the naive hillbilly idiot who thinks that citing divine authority is the way to win arguments about things he doesn't understand. With religion, like anything else, Chris only hears what he wants to hear. For example, he accepts his religion's teachings condemning [[homos]]exuality ''and'' ignores the fact that it also forbids pre-marital sex, [[Nudes|pornography]], and [[Mass debating|masturbation]]. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that [[PandaHalo]] had been raped and impregnated by [[Clyde Cash]]: He actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents... shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion.

Chris's narrow view of the world requires that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] share his religious beliefs, despite the fact that they also regard Chris as their almighty creator and father.

Regardless of his religion, Chris believes he has received [[Dreams|multiple visions from God]].

==Denomination==
[[Image:SonichuRosechuReligious.jpg|thumb|right|Sonichu and Rosechu recall Joseph's story of "forgiveness" prior to Rosechu brutally faceraping [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].]]
At some time in his youth, Chris was baptized in an unspecified [[Wikipedia:Methodism|Methodist]] church.<ref>[[IRC_(28_December_2008)]]</ref> The first church he and his parents are known to have attended is [[Grace Baptist Church]], a small congregation in [[Charlottesville]] that launched in 2000.<ref>http://cvilletomorrow.typepad.com/charlottesville_tomorrow_/2007/12/grace_baptist.html</ref> In 2008 he was, under [[Nudes|mysterious circumstances]], forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]].

"Wesley Mem" is located near the [[University of Virginia]] and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among [[trolls]] is that congregations more in line with Chris's opinions of [[homos]] are equally intolerant of him, so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the [[Wikipedia:Southern Baptist|Southern Baptist]] and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant.

Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, [[Angelica Rosechu]], whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of CWCville - she's still as much of a slut as the rest of the Rosechus. (Not to mention, her home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Catholic church Chris could have come up with, as most Catholic churches have a patron saint.)

[[PandaHalo]]'s persona was designed to be devoutly Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows pre-marital sex because his pastor said so. Members of the same religion often differ on the finer points of God's will because ultimately there is no objective point of reference to settle the dispute. Chris cannot comprehend this because to him his beliefs ''are'' that point of reference; [[Autism|you either share his beliefs or you're receiving bad information]].

==Concept of God (or: GodJesus)==
[[Image:Jesusbot.jpg|thumb|right|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES]]
[[Image:CWCletter.jpg|thumb|left|Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that [[Blanca]] is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the [[trolls|trolls']] side.]]
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|God and Jesus tell Chris he is meant to be with Ivy who is [[lie|totally not a troll]].]]
[[Image:Issue 0A Page 8 edit.JPG|thumb|left|Radar sums it up nicely]]

Chris has a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent God; beyond this, he also accepts Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He's reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God. In effect, Chris frequently refers to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus"<ref>[[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions]]</ref><ref>[[CWC_Update_9_April_2009]]</ref>) as if they were some sort of two-headed creature, unlike the Christian concept of the Holy Trinity, which states that God himself exists as three "persons" or expressions. This would technically make him closer to a [[Wikipedia:Unitarian|Unitarian]] than a Methodist.

Being the unparalleled study in egotism he is, Chris seems to view God as a more of a metaphor for his own will than a supreme being to whom he is subject. To Chris, God will overlook (or doesn't care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they are against him. Case in point, the ''fact'' that Chris cheated in the [[PaRappa the Rapper contest]] is not nearly as important as the ''suspicion'' that [[Adam Stackhouse]] did.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism, except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his worldview, God's primary purpose is to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. He is commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will...[insert anything Chris [[fail|fails]] at]." He often invokes the wrath of God in his [[Death threats|infantile threats]], and is oblivious to the fact God has yet to back him up on any of them.

Chris attributes most of his motivations to commands given to him directly from GodJesus in [[Dreams|visions]]. His exact beliefs concerning these prophetic dreams are difficult to pin down, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. For instance, after Chris had a vision about fathering a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughter]], he decided he was required to actively [[Love Quest|make that happen]] while also assuring himself that [[fail]]ure was impossible. When Chris was being accused of [[Chris and race|racism]] for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that prophesied daughter must be white.

Subsequent visions from God have supposedly confirmed that [[Blanca]], [[PandaHalo]], and [[Ivy]] were to be the mother of Chris's child, despite the fact that each of these women subsequently turned out to be [[trolls]]. This proves that God, if he exists, is either not responsible for Chris's supposedly prophetic dreams, or is having a [[Laughs Under Lucricities|laugh at his expense]].

Chris also believes that if he confesses his sins to GodJesus he will be forgiven. Private confessions directly to God are not uncommon in Protestantism, but generally it's assumed that the confessor is doing so to genuinely atone for mistakes. However, Chris abuses the purpose of confession so that he can commit whatever wrongs he wants and then wipe the slate clean with his "confession." For example, Chris made [[To_Clyde_and_Jack|a video]] in which he suggested that Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus kill themselves so they can burn in hell forever. He later drew them doing just that in his comic. Just one day after the comic appearance, Chris answered a fan letter in [[Mailbag 33]] asking why he had been wishing suicide upon them, and pointing out that such a wish conflicts with his Christian beliefs. Chris responded that he had "confessed of that to God and Jesus, and they have forgiven [him] on that." One of two things happened: either Chris wished for their deaths in the video, asked for forgiveness, then gleefully drew it happening afterward anyway, or he waited until he'd finally got done saying his piece, then conveniently offered up his confession right after getting everything out of his system. Either way, such a confession is highly disingenuous.

It's important to ask Christians why, if God is so loving, there is pain and suffering in the world, and why they have suffered at the hands of him. However, unlike many Christians, Chris can't even think of a half-assed answer to the question. It's strange that despite Chris's strong belief that GodJesus is backing him up on his [[Love Quest]], that God imparts on him such [[stress]] and trolling. He seems to believe that the way prayer works is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please". To Chris, prayer is apparently like ordering a pizza, and as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it, a principle that applies to base and material things as much as spiritual guidance.
{{clear}}

==Afterlife==
[[Image:Apostle_paul_rembrandt.jpg|thumb|left|The likely reaction of Apostle Paul to Chris's 'interpretation' of the Bible]]
[[Image:Jesus facepalm.jpg|thumb|right|Jesus's reaction to Chris's antics.]]
{{Quote|For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.|Ephesians 2:8-10, on the place of good deeds in the Christian faith.}}
{{Quote|Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and possibly Reincarnation.|Chris, [[Mailbag 30#Questions|with his own theory]].}}

While the idea of good deeds causing someone to go to heaven and bad deeds sending them to hell is not an uncommon one, Protestant theology explicitly states that the salvation of one's soul is based completely on one's faith. In general this teaching means that one's prior sins (no matter how terrible) can be forgiven by God, and that members of the faith should try to live righteous lives not because it will get them into heaven, but simply because doing so is morally the right thing to do. The salvation of one's soul through faith is essentially the single point upon which nearly every Protestant denomination is based.

Like everything else, Chris fails at this basic concept, stating that one goes to heaven or hell based completely on personal actions. He personally believes he will go to heaven because he's done "[[Common Questions#Answered 01/01/10|a lot of good deeds]]". Likewise, he feels that [[homos]] are almost certainly bound to go to hell, and need to turn straight to "[[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|better their chances of going to heaven]]". He has also stated numerous times that he feels [[Clyde Cash|various]] [[Jack Thaddeus|trolls]] are bound for hell for making fun of people over the internet. He has suggested that they [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|commit suicide]] so that they might receive their eternal punishment faster.

Additionally, Chris [[Mailbag 21#Chris gets a call from The Doctor|believes in the concept of reincarnation]], common in Hinduism and other Eastern religions, though he has yet to offer any criteria for what might cause someone to be reincarnated.

==Concept of sin==
{{quote|But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...|Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44}}

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO [[Death threats|KILL]] [[JASON KENDRICK HOWELL]]|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls]] Forum}}

{{quote|HAVE A GOD DAMN HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MOMENT YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU GOD DAMN BITCHING WHORE!|E-mail from Chris to [[Vivian]]}}

Other than vehemently opposing [[homos]], [[trolls]], and [[jerkops]], Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible. His homophobia apparently had nothing to do with Leviticus 18:22, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from [[Family Guy]]. His [[Fapcup|aversion to "spilling his seed"]] and his [[recycling|dedication to the unborn]] have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] in violation of his monogamous relationship with [[Ivy]], Chris made [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|a big production]] out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggests that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

===Guilty of all "Seven Deadly Sins"===
[[Image:Pope face palm.jpg|thumb|right|His Holiness's reaction to Chris's commission of all Seven Deadly Sins.]]

The concept of there being "seven deadly sins" is more a conception of the Catholics than of the Protestants, who will mostly tell you that ''any'' sin is equally as bad in the eyes of God. Given that Chris very likely could not tell the difference, it doesn't matter much. 

*'''Lust''': Obvious. Between all the purchases of sex toys and pornography, masturbation, sexual fantasies, intentions with prospective mates, and his objectification of women, lust is not only what seems to consume his every thought: it may very well be what leads to the consumption of his soul by Beelzebub (if you believe in that sort of thing). In fact, he's now on a [[Fuck Quest]]. See [[Chris and Sex]].
*'''Gluttony''': It is not quite known if Chris's [[obesity|girth]] is [[Barbara|hereditary]] or the result of [[McDonalds|over consumption]], but the latter seems more likely having been a spoiled child and being sedentary for the greater part of his life.
*'''Avarice/Greed''': Chris's obsession with gaining wealth via winning contests and his behavior in trying to do so (e.g. putting [[Cole Smithey|his brother's]] questions about his paternity on the back burner while nagging him to vote for him), demonstrate an extreme desire for material gain. Also, he steals from his parents to buy [[PS3|video games he'll never play]]. See also [[Chris and Money]].
*'''Sloth''': Another extremely obvious one. Content to be the proud recipient of a "[[monthly tugboat]]" while sitting on his ass playing video games and surfing the Internet, Christian rarely even puts forth even the minimal amount effort necessary to draw his Sonichu comics more than a few times a year.
*'''Wrath''': [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[Jerkops]]. [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]. "[[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!]]". [[Chris_and_anger|Yeah...]]
*'''Envy''': His attitude towards other men as having taken [[Virgin with rage|"ALL THE PRETTY GIRLS AND LEFT NONE FOR ME!!!"]] is a lot more envy than most Christians should ever hold towards anything. Another proof of his envy was the personal hate that he aimed at [[Adam Stackhouse]], the winner of the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]]. Frankly, Adam deserved to win, but Chris cannot accept that someone else has something (talent) which he does not.
*'''Pride''': Chris's self-centered worldview and inability to note his own flaws. Narcissus himself would look down on him for his selfishness. This is partly due to incessant coddling and sheltering from his parents his whole life. See [[Chris and his Ego]] for more information.

===Breaking all "Ten Commandments"===

Similar to the above, the concept of the Ten Commandments is more commonly associated with Judaism than Christianity, but, as noted, Chris is probably too goddamn stupid to tell the difference.

*'''1. "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me"''': While he claims to be devoted to GodJesus [[Chris and Reality|in real life]], his [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|in-comic persona]] seems to be a full-blown God Mode Sue. Furthermore, he wears a [[Medallion of Fail]] around his neck, in the same place where TRUE and HONEST Christians commonly wear crosses.
*'''2. "Thou shalt not make an image or any likeness of what is in the heavens above"''': The most common interpretation is that this commandment does not forbid drawing pictures of heavenly beings (seen above), but instead refers to the construction or fashioning of "idols" in the likeness of created things (beasts, fish, birds, people) and worshiping them. Chris seems to believe that either the Medallions of Fail or the [[Amnyfest Ring]] are the source of [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|supernatural powers]], in direct violation of this commandment.
*'''3. "Thou shalt not swear falsely by the name of thy Lord"''': Chris has repeatedly cited the name of God when making outrageous claims about what he intends to do, whether it be to get back at [[trolls]], or to find a potential [[sweetheart]], regardless of whether or not he actually succeeds in meeting these unrealistic expectations. He also says 'goddamn' a lot too.
*'''4. "Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy"''': As noted above, the Sabbath is almost exclusively observed by Jews rather than Christians, but it is still pretty likely that Chris has broken this commandment by "going to work" (making his comics, which he intends to make money off of) on Saturday. A more straight-up example would be the countless times that he has neglected going to church on Sunday, the Christian sabbath.
*'''5. "Honor thy [[Bob Chandler|father]] and thy [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]"''': Surprisingly, Chris has come pretty close to actually obeying this commandment. Not close enough, however, as Chris has been known to do [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|things]] that [[Bob walks in|upset]] his father. He also [[Bob Walks In Aftermath|called his father a bastard]] once.
*'''6. "Thou shalt not kill"''': Hoo boy. Chris [[Death threats|seems to want to directly defy this commandment]]. Bonus points for actually praying to GodJesus to kill his enemies.
*'''7. "Thou shalt not commit adultery"''': In the literal sense, Chris will most likely be following this commandment [[Virgin with Rage|for the rest of his life]]. Christians believe that this commandment states that they should avoid having any lustful thoughts, sex before marriage, etc. Figuratively, however, he broke this rule when he cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] and had phone sex with [[Julie]]. In his [[comic]], his affair with [[Lovely Weather]] arguably counts as a form of adultery, as well, and even if it doesn't, his subsequent affair with Meg from ''[[Family Guy]]'' certainly does. Also, he clearly has [[Third date|no problem with]] [[F Abstinance|premarital sex in general]].
*'''8. "Thou shalt not steal"''': It is unknown if Chris has ever stolen any physical thing in real life, but if [[Chris and Copyright|plagiarism]] counts, he may as well be sitting in the Devil's lap. He has, however, stolen money from his parents to purchase games on PSN and he even purposely wrote a bad check to Joshua for a PSP. Also, one could argue that he is guilty of stealing [[monthly tugboat|your taxpayer dollars.]] Although, some scholars argue that this commandment actually means ''Thou shalt not kidnap'', which Chris hasn't done ... yet. Watch your back, ladies.
*'''9. "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor"''': Chris has been known to [[Lie|bend the truth]] in order to make himself look good and to defame [[Jerkops|other]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|people]], if his [[Sub-Episodes|comics]] are any indicator.
*'''10. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods"''': Arguably the one he is most guilty of breaking. As noted in the Seven Deadly Sins, Chris has shown to be extremely resentful to other people who win prizes, be they [[Adam Stackhouse|video games]], [[Honor Roll|art awards]], or [[JERKS|girlfriends]]. It should also be noted that the original passage in the Bible specifically forbids the coveting of your [[Liquid Chris|neighbor]]'s [[Kacey|wife]].

===Breaking the Levitical Laws===

The Levitical laws were written for Hebrews, as a covenant with God. They are a priestly code of social behavior, with the agreement that: if the laws are followed, the Hebrews would be given the Promised Land. Despite the fact that these laws were made for a culture thousands of years ago, and only followed by strict observers of Halakha, Chris seems to have no problem applying these laws to modern times and modern people. Well, [[Chris and hypocrisy|sometimes]].

In [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus]], Chris touts one of the most used and abused Bible verses, Leviticus 18:22, as evidence that [[homos|homosexuality]] is "just plain wrong". Unknown to Chris, and many people who cite this verse, this is a part of the old Levitical code, which has many, many other commandments. Most Christians pick and choose which Levitical laws they obey and which were "merely metaphor" or "just for the Hebrews" despite what [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew%205:17&version=NIV Jesus Christ said about the laws]. Chris breaks Levitical Law on a near daily basis.

There are many, many laws, and Chris breaks too many of them for them to all be listed here. Some prime examples include:

*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2011&version=NIV Leviticus 11]''' This whole chapter deals with was sort of animals you should and should not eat. Even though Chris eats at [[McDonald's]] every "2 or 3 times a week", odds are that he's had pork or shellfish at least once in his life, if not many times.
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:11&version=NIV Leviticus 19:11]''' "Do not steal. Do not lie. Do not deceive one another." [[List of Chris's lies|Chris lies a lot]].
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:12&version=NIV Leviticus 19:12]''' "Do not swear falsely by my name and so profane the name of your God. I am the LORD." Most of this article is dedicated to the misuse of God's name.
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:19&version=NIV Leviticus 19:19]''' "Keep my decrees: Do not mate different kinds of animals. Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material." Chris benefits from the science of hybridization daily. Those Chicken McNuggets of which he's ever so fond come from hybrid corn, and you can bet his [[Chris and Fashion|clothes]] aren't a pure weave. And what is [[Sonichu]], if not "mating different kinds of animals": a [[Sonic|hedgehog]] and a [[Pokemon|pikachu]] (itself a hybrid of the mouse and the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pika pika])?
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:26&version=NIV Leviticus 19:26]''' "Do not eat any meat with the blood still in it. Do not practice divination or sorcery." It's fairly doubtful that Chris keeps kosher about the meat, but more importantly... [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse-ye-ha-me-ha!]] [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|FORGIVENESS BLESSINGS!]]
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:27&version=NIV Leviticus 19:27]''' "Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard." [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back]]
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:28&version=NIV Leviticus 19:28]''' "Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD." While Chris has not directly violated this law, he has used tattoos to [[Chris and fashion#The "IBA." outfit|attract the ladies]].

==Chris the Shaman==
{{quote|The spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! She will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.|Chris, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]}}
[[Image:Ickeriss_medallions.jpg|thumb|right||The Medallions serve as Chris's connection to the spirit realm.]]

Despite his professed Christianity, Chris's beliefs and behaviors almost tend towards a sort of shamanistic mindset, where God is a force to be controlled and the universe can be influenced by various mystic rituals. In Chris's case, he seems to believe that his tirades and tantrums will somehow affect the trolls who torment him. His attacks on the [[Clown Doll]], for instance, are a metaphorical threat, but also suggest an attempt at somehow literally harming the trolls through [[Wikipedia:sympathetic magic|sympathetic magic]], like a voodoo doll. He views his revenge against his enemies in the comic or in ''[[Soul Calibur]] III'' as being equivalent to actual revenge, rather than simply venting.

The world of [[CWCville]] is also a spirit realm, where Chris is almighty and can create and shape it as he pleases due to his power of "creativity". It exists outside, but parallel, to the real world, and sometimes Chris seems to honestly believe that it's a real place, even if it's just imaginary. This idea of the spirit realm became more valid when, in a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|video]], Chris claimed that the soul of his [[Patti Chandler|dead dog]] (now [[Patti-Chan|living in CWCville]]) would devour Alec Benson Leary's soul and haunt his [[dreams]].

While Chris has used the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] in reality, he never took it too seriously, at least until he used it on [[Liquid Chris]] in a video. With the "kidnapping" of Liquid, he then realized that he had "the power" to actually curse people. He also developed a new ability to bless people via the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|Forgiveness Blessings]] skill. He honestly seems to believe that these powers are real, even stating in one video that if it works, then he knows he has "the power." GaoGaiGar fans then promptly wanted to hit Chris for his abuse of [[Wikipedia:The_King_of_Braves_GaoGaiGar_glossary#.22THE_POWER.22_and_Jupiter-X|ZA POWER]]. Chris later stated in a music video that if people antagonize him, they will be cursed, but if you're true and honest, you will receive blessings.

Chris ought to be aware that his sorcery is not merely atypical of a Christian, but in fact explicitly proscribed by his faith. [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=galatians%205:19-20&version=KJV Galatians 5:19-20] lists witchcraft as one of the more blatant acts of sin, whilst in the Old Testament, [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus+22%3A18&version=KJV Exodus 22:18] commands "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live". That's right, there's a Biblical mandate for Chris's death. Alec Benson Leary, in one of his [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|phone calls]] with Chris, attempted to point out the thoroughly un-Christian nature of Chris's dabbling in black magic, but his reasoning appeared to have little effect.

Of course, it is important to remember, even if he did convert to a shamanistic faith, chances are most groups would kick him out just as quickly. Cursing people is one of the few things Wiccans and neo-Pagans are forbidden from doing, and most all groups would look down upon his general idiocy and his dabbling into powers [[Slow-in-the-minds|beyond his comprehension]]. No matter what, Chris will likely be hated for being an [[Chris and his ego|egotistical]], [[Women's Rights|sexist]], [[Chris and Race|racist]], [[Fail|failure]].

For all we know, Chris will one day start popping magic mushrooms and writing comics based on that, which many agree would be a huge improvement on his current work.

==Delusions of Godhood?==
{{quote|Fear not. For behold I bring tidings of great joy.|Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10]]}}
{{quote|I prayed for forgiveness from the real Christian. Sonichu, will he forgive me?|Aspie Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10]]}}
[[Image:Issue 10 Pg 48.jpg|thumb|Sonichu cracks open his tomb and descends in a beam of light.]]
Starting on page 42 of [[Issue 10]], Chris displays a somewhat disturbing twist to the plot (such as it is) of his comics. [[Ultra Sonichu]] frees [[Zelina Rosechu]] from her stoned state using his Chaotic powers, then appears to [[Darkbind Sonichu]] with a message similar in tone, if not outright text, to prophecies of the coming of Jesus Christ (complete with arms outstretched as if he were suspended on a crucifix).

Later on in the issue, Ultra Sonichu travels to the world of [[Asperchu]], where the characters of that comic inform him that they were forced into their roles by Alec, and that they had been praying to Christian Weston Chandler for deliverance and forgiveness. And lo Chris-chan did send the Messiah Sonichu to end their suffering. Sonichu uses the "Chaotic Remedy" to miraculously cure them all of their [[Asperger's syndrome]] (even though only Asperchu himself had the condition) and gives them new names and new, "better" looks.

It should be noted that, like Jesus Christ, [[Sonichu]] was born to a [[virgin with rage|virgin]].

Possibly in response to criticism about acting as God, in [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_62 later pages] Chris addressed the issue of the non-canon chaotic combo worshiping him in an incredibly ignorant manner. First, he declares that he is not God but "a servant of him and Jesus", and immediately after goes on to "forgive" Michael (the copycat Sonichu's made-over name) for "baring false witness against <nowiki>[Chris]</nowiki>", as if he has the authority to forgive the breaking of the ten commandments, ''like he's God or something.''

Further evidence of Chris's blossoming God complex comes through his answer to some of the frequently asked questions that were put to him via the [[Mailbag]], where he states that he considers Sonichu to have over a billion fans. The only other fictional character who can claim such a number is God himself. This mad fuckery is compounded by the fact that Chris is like a God to Sonichu; this means that his opinion of himself is that of a God's God. Or maybe a [[Christopher's name change|God's bear]]. Chris moves in mysterious ways.
{{clear}}

==Chris and other faiths==
Chris has never had much to say about religious beliefs other than his own, least of all non-Christian beliefs. Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the suburban American south, he probably hasn't had much practical exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an [[IRC (28 December 2008)|IRC chat]], he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith. [[Vivitheg's_AIM_chat|Vivian Gee]]'s belief in Daoism seemed to be a concept he couldn't process.

He doesn't think much of atheists, but even there Chris has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus." The irony here is that it's even harder for Atheists to try and take God and Jesus seriously enough to believe in them when Chris goes around boasting about having the deities on his side as though they were his personal avengers. When asked "You often attempt to scare your trolls by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?" in [[Mailbag 35]], his response was "Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", [Chris uses quotations despite the original question not containing the phrase] [[Chris and reality|IT IS FACT]]. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet."

[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]] reveals that Chris has some awareness of Judaism, probably picked up from watching [[South Park]]. He appears to not understand that Jews or Buddhists don't celebrate [[Christmas]]. However, in the way he wrote it, it is unknown if he's implying that Christians, [[Hanukkah|Jews]] and [[Christmas#Jolly Buddah (sic)|Buddhists]] go to the same church or if he's saying they go to separate places of worship but calls them churches because his vocabulary is heavily lacking. In [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]], Chris is being blatantly anti-Semitic by "just throwing it out there" that he thinks Snyder is a Jew, and uses "Jew" as an insult. [[Some Favored Comedians]] is a thinly-veiled furious backpedaling attempt in which he rambles on and on about how he respects Jewish comedians.

In a CWCipedia [[Chris-Chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris-Chan_the_Moralf.2A.2A| article]], he strongly hints at feeling great hatred towards Muslims. Although the article primarily exists to deny various accusations trolls have made about him, he does not deny being a "prolific hater of all things not Christian".

==TL;DR version==

Chris is a terrible Christian and will likely burn in hell.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Angelica Rosechu]]
*[[Dreams]]
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Christian's name change|GodBear]]
*[[Grace Baptist Church]]
*[[Wesley Foundation Methodist Church]]

==External links==
*[http://store.engrish.com/godjest.html Buy your own Godjesus T-shirt here.]

{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and religion

2010-07-10T00:07:05Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Denomination */

{{quote|When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.|1st Corinthians 13:11, on what Chris <s>has failed to</s> will never do.}}

{{quote|And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of [[JERKS|envy]], murder, debate, [[Lies|deceit]], malignity; whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, [[Chris and his ego|proud]], boasters, inventors of [[Sonichu|evil things]], [[Bob Chandler|disobedient to parents]], without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.|Romans 1:28-32, on Chris}}

{{quote|my CURRENT church can help me a LOT better than any "professional"|Chris being a Xenufag, to [[Vivian Gee|Vivitheg]]}}
[[Image:CHRISjesuss.jpg|thumb|right||Program from Chris's baptism]]
'''The religion of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]''' is a complicated topic because his stated religious convictions often differ from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil.

That Chris professes a belief in Christianity completes the general stereotype of the naive hillbilly idiot who thinks that citing divine authority is the way to win arguments about things he doesn't understand. With religion, like anything else, Chris only hears what he wants to hear. For example, he accepts his religion's teachings condemning [[homos]]exuality ''and'' ignores the fact that it also forbids pre-marital sex, [[Nudes|pornography]], and [[Mass debating|masturbation]]. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that [[PandaHalo]] had been raped and impregnated by [[Clyde Cash]]: He actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents... shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion.

Chris's narrow view of the world requires that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] share his religious beliefs, despite the fact that they also regard Chris as their almighty creator and father.

Regardless of his religion, Chris believes he has received [[Dreams|multiple visions from God]].

==Denomination==
[[Image:SonichuRosechuReligious.jpg|thumb|right|Sonichu and Rosechu recall Joseph's story of "forgiveness" prior to Rosechu brutally faceraping [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].]]
At some time in his youth, Chris was baptized in an unspecified [[Wikipedia:Methodism|Methodist]] church.<ref>[[IRC_(28_December_2008)]]</ref> The first church he and his parents are known to have attended is [[Grace Baptist Church]], a small congregation in [[Charlottesville]] that launched in 2000.<ref>http://cvilletomorrow.typepad.com/charlottesville_tomorrow_/2007/12/grace_baptist.html</ref> In 2008 he was, under [[Nudes|mysterious circumstances]], forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]].

"Wesley Mem" is located near the [[University of Virginia]] and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among [[trolls]] is that congregations more in line with Chris's opinions of [[homos]] are equally intolerant of him, so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the [[Wikipedia:Southern Baptist|Southern Baptist]] and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant.

Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, [[Angelica Rosechu]], whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of CWCville - she's still as much of a slut as the rest of the Rosechus. (Not to mention, her home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Catholic church Chris could have come up with, as most Catholic churches have a patron saint.)

[[PandaHalo]]'s persona was designed to be devoutly Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows pre-marital sex because his pastor said so. Members of the same religion often differ on the finer points of God's will because ultimately there is no objective point of reference to settle the dispute. Chris cannot comprehend this because to him his beliefs ''are'' that point of reference; [[Autism|you either share his beliefs or you're receiving bad information]].

==Concept of God (or: GodJesus)==
[[Image:Jesusbot.jpg|thumb|right|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES]]
[[Image:CWCletter.jpg|thumb|left|Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that [[Blanca]] is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the [[trolls|trolls']] side.]]
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|God and Jesus tell Chris he is meant to be with Ivy who is [[lie|totally not a troll]].]]
[[Image:Issue 0A Page 8 edit.JPG|thumb|left|Radar sums it up nicely]]

Chris has a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent God; beyond this, he also accepts Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He's reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God. In effect, Chris frequently refers to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus"<ref>[[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions]]</ref><ref>[[CWC_Update_9_April_2009]]</ref>) as if they were some sort of two-headed creature, unlike the Christian concept of the Holy Trinity, which states that God himself exists as three "persons" or expressions. This would technically make him closer to a [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unitarianism Unitarian] than a Methodist.

Being the unparalleled study in egotism he is, Chris seems to view God as a more of a metaphor for his own will than a supreme being to whom he is subject. To Chris, God will overlook (or doesn't care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they are against him. Case in point, the ''fact'' that Chris cheated in the [[PaRappa the Rapper contest]] is not nearly as important as the ''suspicion'' that [[Adam Stackhouse]] did.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his worldview, God's primary purpose is to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. He is commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will...[insert anything Chris [[fail|fails]] at]." He often invokes the wrath of God in his [[Death threats|infantile threats]], and is oblivious to the fact God has yet to back him up on any of them.

Chris attributes most of his motivations to commands given to him directly from God and Jesus in [[Dreams|visions]]. His exact beliefs concerning these prophetic dreams are difficult to pin down, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. For instance, after Chris had a vision about fathering a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughter]], he decided he was required to actively [[Love Quest|make that happen]] while also assuring himself that [[fail]]ure was impossible. When Chris was being accused of [[Chris and race|racism]] for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that prophesied daughter must be white.

Subsequent visions from God have supposedly confirmed that [[Blanca]], [[PandaHalo]], and [[Ivy]] were to be the mother of Chris's child, despite the fact that each of these women subsequently turned out to be [[trolls]]. This proves that God, if he exists, is either not responsible for Chris's supposedly prophetic dreams, or is having a [[Laughs Under Lucricities|laugh at his expense]].

Chris also believes that if he confesses his sins to GodJesus he will be forgiven. Private confessions directly to God are not uncommon in Protestantism, but generally it's assumed that the confessor is doing so to genuinely atone for mistakes. However, Chris abuses the purpose of confession so that he can commit whatever wrongs he wants and then wipe the slate clean with his "confession." For example, Chris made [[To_Clyde_and_Jack|a video]] in which he suggested that Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus kill themselves so they can burn in hell forever. He later drew them doing just that in his comic. Just one day after the comic appearance, Chris answered a fan letter in [[Mailbag 33]] asking why he had been wishing suicide upon them, and pointing out that such a wish conflicts with his Christian beliefs. Chris responded that he had "confessed of that to God and Jesus, and they have forgiven [him] on that." One of two things happened: either Chris wished for their deaths in the video, asked for forgiveness, then gleefully drew it happening afterward anyway, or he waited until he'd finally got done saying his piece, then conveniently offered up his confession right after getting everything out of his system. Either way, such a confession is highly disingenuous.

It's important to ask Christians why, if God is so loving, there is pain and suffering in the world, and why they have suffered at the hands of him. However, unlike many Christians, Chris can't even think of a half-assed answer to the question. It's strange that despite Chris's strong belief that GodJesus is backing him up on his [[Love Quest]], that God imparts on him such [[stress]] and trolling. He seems to believe that the way prayer works is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please". To Chris, prayer is apparently like ordering a pizza, and as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it, a principle that applies to base and material things as much as spiritual guidance.
{{clear}}

==Afterlife==
[[Image:Apostle_paul_rembrandt.jpg|thumb|left|The likely reaction of Apostle Paul to Chris's 'interpretation' of the Bible]]
[[Image:Jesus facepalm.jpg|thumb|right|Jesus's reaction to Chris's antics.]]
{{Quote|For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.|Ephesians 2:8-10, on the place of good deeds in the Christian faith.}}
{{Quote|Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and possibly Reincarnation.|Chris, [[Mailbag 30#Questions|with his own theory]].}}

While the idea of good deeds causing someone to go to heaven and bad deeds sending them to hell is not an uncommon one, Protestant theology explicitly states that the salvation of one's soul is based completely on one's faith. In general this teaching means that one's prior sins (no matter how terrible) can be forgiven by God, and that members of the faith should try to live righteous lives not because it will get them into heaven, but simply because doing so is morally the right thing to do. The salvation of one's soul through faith is essentially the single point upon which nearly every Protestant denomination is based.

Like everything else, Chris fails at this basic concept, stating that one goes to heaven or hell based completely on personal actions. He personally believes he will go to heaven because he's done "[[Common Questions#Answered 01/01/10|a lot of good deeds]]". Likewise, he feels that [[homos]] are almost certainly bound to go to hell, and need to turn straight to "[[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|better their chances of going to heaven]]". He has also stated numerous times that he feels [[Clyde Cash|various]] [[Jack Thaddeus|trolls]] are bound for hell for making fun of people over the internet. He has suggested that they [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|commit suicide]] so that they might receive their eternal punishment faster.

Additionally, Chris [[Mailbag 21#Chris gets a call from The Doctor|believes in the concept of reincarnation]], common in Hinduism and other Eastern religions, though he has yet to offer any criteria for what might cause someone to be reincarnated.

==Concept of sin==
{{quote|But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...|Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44}}

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO [[Death threats|KILL]] [[JASON KENDRICK HOWELL]]|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls]] Forum}}

{{quote|HAVE A GOD DAMN HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MOMENT YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU GOD DAMN BITCHING WHORE!|E-mail from Chris to [[Vivian]]}}

Other than vehemently opposing [[homos]], [[trolls]], and [[jerkops]], Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible. His homophobia apparently had nothing to do with Leviticus 18:22, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from [[Family Guy]]. His [[Fapcup|aversion to "spilling his seed"]] and his [[recycling|dedication to the unborn]] have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] in violation of his monogamous relationship with [[Ivy]], Chris made [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|a big production]] out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggests that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

===Guilty of all "Seven Deadly Sins"===
[[Image:Pope face palm.jpg|thumb|right|His Holiness's reaction to Chris's commission of all Seven Deadly Sins.]]

The concept of there being "seven deadly sins" is more a conception of the Catholics than of the Protestants, who will mostly tell you that ''any'' sin is equally as bad in the eyes of God. Given that Chris very likely could not tell the difference, it doesn't matter much. 

*'''Lust''': Obvious. Between all the purchases of sex toys and pornography, masturbation, sexual fantasies, intentions with prospective mates, and his objectification of women, lust is not only what seems to consume his every thought: it may very well be what leads to the consumption of his soul by Beelzebub (if you believe in that sort of thing). In fact, he's now on a [[Fuck Quest]]. See [[Chris and Sex]].
*'''Gluttony''': It is not quite known if Chris's [[obesity|girth]] is [[Barbara|hereditary]] or the result of [[McDonalds|over consumption]], but the latter seems more likely having been a spoiled child and being sedentary for the greater part of his life.
*'''Avarice/Greed''': Chris's obsession with gaining wealth via winning contests and his behavior in trying to do so (e.g. putting [[Cole Smithey|his brother's]] questions about his paternity on the back burner while nagging him to vote for him), demonstrate an extreme desire for material gain. Also, he steals from his parents to buy [[PS3|video games he'll never play]]. See also [[Chris and Money]].
*'''Sloth''': Another extremely obvious one. Content to be the proud recipient of a "[[monthly tugboat]]" while sitting on his ass playing video games and surfing the Internet, Christian rarely even puts forth even the minimal amount effort necessary to draw his Sonichu comics more than a few times a year.
*'''Wrath''': [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[Jerkops]]. [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]. "[[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!]]". [[Chris_and_anger|Yeah...]]
*'''Envy''': His attitude towards other men as having taken [[Virgin with rage|"ALL THE PRETTY GIRLS AND LEFT NONE FOR ME!!!"]] is a lot more envy than most Christians should ever hold towards anything. Another proof of his envy was the personal hate that he aimed at [[Adam Stackhouse]], the winner of the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]]. Frankly, Adam deserved to win, but Chris cannot accept that someone else has something (talent) which he does not.
*'''Pride''': Chris's self-centered worldview and inability to note his own flaws. Narcissus himself would look down on him for his selfishness. This is partly due to incessant coddling and sheltering from his parents his whole life. See [[Chris and his Ego]] for more information.

===Breaking all "Ten Commandments"===

Similar to the above, the concept of the Ten Commandments is more commonly associated with Judaism than Christianity, but, as noted, Chris is probably too goddamn stupid to tell the difference.

*'''1. "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me"''': While he claims to be devoted to GodJesus [[Chris and Reality|in real life]], his [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|in-comic persona]] seems to be a full-blown God Mode Sue. Furthermore, he wears a [[Medallion of Fail]] around his neck, in the same place where TRUE and HONEST Christians commonly wear crosses.
*'''2. "Thou shalt not make an image or any likeness of what is in the heavens above"''': The most common interpretation is that this commandment does not forbid drawing pictures of heavenly beings (seen above), but instead refers to the construction or fashioning of "idols" in the likeness of created things (beasts, fish, birds, people) and worshiping them. Chris seems to believe that either the Medallions of Fail or the [[Amnyfest Ring]] are the source of [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|supernatural powers]], in direct violation of this commandment.
*'''3. "Thou shalt not swear falsely by the name of thy Lord"''': Chris has repeatedly cited the name of God when making outrageous claims about what he intends to do, whether it be to get back at [[trolls]], or to find a potential [[sweetheart]], regardless of whether or not he actually succeeds in meeting these unrealistic expectations. He also says 'goddamn' a lot too.
*'''4. "Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy"''': As noted above, the Sabbath is almost exclusively observed by Jews rather than Christians, but it is still pretty likely that Chris has broken this commandment by "going to work" (making his comics, which he intends to make money off of) on Saturday. A more straight-up example would be the countless times that he has neglected going to church on Sunday, the Christian sabbath.
*'''5. "Honor thy [[Bob Chandler|father]] and thy [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]"''': Surprisingly, Chris has come pretty close to actually obeying this commandment. Not close enough, however, as Chris has been known to do [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|things]] that [[Bob walks in|upset]] his father. He also [[Bob Walks In Aftermath|called his father a bastard]] once.
*'''6. "Thou shalt not kill"''': Hoo boy. Chris [[Death threats|seems to want to directly defy this commandment]]. Bonus points for actually praying to GodJesus to kill his enemies.
*'''7. "Thou shalt not commit adultery"''': In the literal sense, Chris will most likely be following this commandment [[Virgin with Rage|for the rest of his life]]. Christians believe that this commandment states that they should avoid having any lustful thoughts, sex before marriage, etc. Figuratively, however, he broke this rule when he cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] and had phone sex with [[Julie]]. In his [[comic]], his affair with [[Lovely Weather]] arguably counts as a form of adultery, as well, and even if it doesn't, his subsequent affair with Meg from ''[[Family Guy]]'' certainly does. Also, he clearly has [[Third date|no problem with]] [[F Abstinance|premarital sex in general]].
*'''8. "Thou shalt not steal"''': It is unknown if Chris has ever stolen any physical thing in real life, but if [[Chris and Copyright|plagiarism]] counts, he may as well be sitting in the Devil's lap. He has, however, stolen money from his parents to purchase games on PSN and he even purposely wrote a bad check to Joshua for a PSP. Also, one could argue that he is guilty of stealing [[monthly tugboat|your taxpayer dollars.]] Although, some scholars argue that this commandment actually means ''Thou shalt not kidnap'', which Chris hasn't done ... yet. Watch your back, ladies.
*'''9. "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor"''': Chris has been known to [[Lie|bend the truth]] in order to make himself look good and to defame [[Jerkops|other]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|people]], if his [[Sub-Episodes|comics]] are any indicator.
*'''10. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods"''': Arguably the one he is most guilty of breaking. As noted in the Seven Deadly Sins, Chris has shown to be extremely resentful to other people who win prizes, be they [[Adam Stackhouse|video games]], [[Honor Roll|art awards]], or [[JERKS|girlfriends]]. It should also be noted that the original passage in the Bible specifically forbids the coveting of your [[Liquid Chris|neighbor]]'s [[Kacey|wife]].

===Breaking the Levitical Laws===

The Levitical laws were written for Hebrews, as a covenant with God. They are a priestly code of social behavior, with the agreement that: if the laws are followed, the Hebrews would be given the Promised Land. Despite the fact that these laws were made for a culture thousands of years ago, and only followed by strict observers of Halakha, Chris seems to have no problem applying these laws to modern times and modern people. Well, [[Chris and hypocrisy|sometimes]].

In [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus]], Chris touts one of the most used and abused Bible verses, Leviticus 18:22, as evidence that [[homos|homosexuality]] is "just plain wrong". Unknown to Chris, and many people who cite this verse, this is a part of the old Levitical code, which has many, many other commandments. Most Christians pick and choose which Levitical laws they obey and which were "merely metaphor" or "just for the Hebrews" despite what [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew%205:17&version=NIV Jesus Christ said about the laws]. Chris breaks Levitical Law on a near daily basis.

There are many, many laws, and Chris breaks too many of them for them to all be listed here. Some prime examples include:

*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2011&version=NIV Leviticus 11]''' This whole chapter deals with was sort of animals you should and should not eat. Even though Chris eats at [[McDonald's]] every "2 or 3 times a week", odds are that he's had pork or shellfish at least once in his life, if not many times.
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:11&version=NIV Leviticus 19:11]''' "Do not steal. Do not lie. Do not deceive one another." [[List of Chris's lies|Chris lies a lot]].
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:12&version=NIV Leviticus 19:12]''' "Do not swear falsely by my name and so profane the name of your God. I am the LORD." Most of this article is dedicated to the misuse of God's name.
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:19&version=NIV Leviticus 19:19]''' "Keep my decrees: Do not mate different kinds of animals. Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material." Chris benefits from the science of hybridization daily. Those Chicken McNuggets of which he's ever so fond come from hybrid corn, and you can bet his [[Chris and Fashion|clothes]] aren't a pure weave. And what is [[Sonichu]], if not "mating different kinds of animals": a [[Sonic|hedgehog]] and a [[Pokemon|pikachu]] (itself a hybrid of the mouse and the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pika pika])?
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:26&version=NIV Leviticus 19:26]''' "Do not eat any meat with the blood still in it. Do not practice divination or sorcery." It's fairly doubtful that Chris keeps kosher about the meat, but more importantly... [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse-ye-ha-me-ha!]] [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|FORGIVENESS BLESSINGS!]]
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:27&version=NIV Leviticus 19:27]''' "Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard." [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back]]
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:28&version=NIV Leviticus 19:28]''' "Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD." While Chris has not directly violated this law, he has used tattoos to [[Chris and fashion#The "IBA." outfit|attract the ladies]].

==Chris the Shaman==
{{quote|The spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! She will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.|Chris, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]}}
[[Image:Ickeriss_medallions.jpg|thumb|right||The Medallions serve as Chris's connection to the spirit realm.]]

Despite his professed Christianity, Chris's beliefs and behaviors almost tend towards a sort of shamanistic mindset, where God is a force to be controlled and the universe can be influenced by various mystic rituals. In Chris's case, he seems to believe that his tirades and tantrums will somehow affect the trolls who torment him. His attacks on the [[Clown Doll]], for instance, are a metaphorical threat, but also suggest an attempt at somehow literally harming the trolls through [[Wikipedia:sympathetic magic|sympathetic magic]], like a voodoo doll. He views his revenge against his enemies in the comic or in ''[[Soul Calibur]] III'' as being equivalent to actual revenge, rather than simply venting.

The world of [[CWCville]] is also a spirit realm, where Chris is almighty and can create and shape it as he pleases due to his power of "creativity". It exists outside, but parallel, to the real world, and sometimes Chris seems to honestly believe that it's a real place, even if it's just imaginary. This idea of the spirit realm became more valid when, in a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|video]], Chris claimed that the soul of his [[Patti Chandler|dead dog]] (now [[Patti-Chan|living in CWCville]]) would devour Alec Benson Leary's soul and haunt his [[dreams]].

While Chris has used the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] in reality, he never took it too seriously, at least until he used it on [[Liquid Chris]] in a video. With the "kidnapping" of Liquid, he then realized that he had "the power" to actually curse people. He also developed a new ability to bless people via the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|Forgiveness Blessings]] skill. He honestly seems to believe that these powers are real, even stating in one video that if it works, then he knows he has "the power." GaoGaiGar fans then promptly wanted to hit Chris for his abuse of [[Wikipedia:The_King_of_Braves_GaoGaiGar_glossary#.22THE_POWER.22_and_Jupiter-X|ZA POWER]]. Chris later stated in a music video that if people antagonize him, they will be cursed, but if you're true and honest, you will receive blessings.

Chris ought to be aware that his sorcery is not merely atypical of a Christian, but in fact explicitly proscribed by his faith. [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=galatians%205:19-20&version=KJV Galatians 5:19-20] lists witchcraft as one of the more blatant acts of sin, whilst in the Old Testament, [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus+22%3A18&version=KJV Exodus 22:18] commands "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live". That's right, there's a Biblical mandate for Chris's death. Alec Benson Leary, in one of his [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|phone calls]] with Chris, attempted to point out the thoroughly un-Christian nature of Chris's dabbling in black magic, but his reasoning appeared to have little effect.

Of course, it is important to remember, even if he did convert to a shamanistic faith, chances are most groups would kick him out just as quickly. Cursing people is one of the few things Wiccans and neo-Pagans are forbidden from doing, and most all groups would look down upon his general idiocy and his dabbling into powers [[Slow-in-the-minds|beyond his comprehension]]. No matter what, Chris will likely be hated for being an [[Chris and his ego|egotistical]], [[Women's Rights|sexist]], [[Chris and Race|racist]], [[Fail|failure]].

For all we know, Chris will one day start popping magic mushrooms and writing comics based on that, which many agree would be a huge improvement on his current work.

==Delusions of Godhood?==
{{quote|Fear not. For behold I bring tidings of great joy.|Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10]]}}
{{quote|I prayed for forgiveness from the real Christian. Sonichu, will he forgive me?|Aspie Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10]]}}
[[Image:Issue 10 Pg 48.jpg|thumb|Sonichu cracks open his tomb and descends in a beam of light.]]
Starting on page 42 of [[Issue 10]], Chris displays a somewhat disturbing twist to the plot (such as it is) of his comics. [[Ultra Sonichu]] frees [[Zelina Rosechu]] from her stoned state using his Chaotic powers, then appears to [[Darkbind Sonichu]] with a message similar in tone, if not outright text, to prophecies of the coming of Jesus Christ (complete with arms outstretched as if he were suspended on a crucifix).

Later on in the issue, Ultra Sonichu travels to the world of [[Asperchu]], where the characters of that comic inform him that they were forced into their roles by Alec, and that they had been praying to Christian Weston Chandler for deliverance and forgiveness. And lo Chris-chan did send the Messiah Sonichu to end their suffering. Sonichu uses the "Chaotic Remedy" to miraculously cure them all of their [[Asperger's syndrome]] (even though only Asperchu himself had the condition) and gives them new names and new, "better" looks.

It should be noted that, like Jesus Christ, [[Sonichu]] was born to a [[virgin with rage|virgin]].

Possibly in response to criticism about acting as God, in [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_62 later pages] Chris addressed the issue of the non-canon chaotic combo worshiping him in an incredibly ignorant manner. First, he declares that he is not God but "a servant of him and Jesus", and immediately after goes on to "forgive" Michael (the copycat Sonichu's made-over name) for "baring false witness against <nowiki>[Chris]</nowiki>", as if he has the authority to forgive the breaking of the ten commandments, ''like he's God or something.''

Further evidence of Chris's blossoming God complex comes through his answer to some of the frequently asked questions that were put to him via the [[Mailbag]], where he states that he considers Sonichu to have over a billion fans. The only other fictional character who can claim such a number is God himself. This mad fuckery is compounded by the fact that Chris is like a God to Sonichu; this means that his opinion of himself is that of a God's God. Or maybe a [[Christopher's name change|God's bear]]. Chris moves in mysterious ways.
{{clear}}

==Chris and other faiths==
Chris has never had much to say about religious beliefs other than his own, least of all non-Christian beliefs. Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the suburban American south, he probably hasn't had much practical exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an [[IRC (28 December 2008)|IRC chat]], he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith. [[Vivitheg's_AIM_chat|Vivian Gee]]'s belief in Daoism seemed to be a concept he couldn't process.

He doesn't think much of atheists, but even there Chris has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus." The irony here is that it's even harder for Atheists to try and take God and Jesus seriously enough to believe in them when Chris goes around boasting about having the deities on his side as though they were his personal avengers. When asked "You often attempt to scare your trolls by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?" in [[Mailbag 35]], his response was "Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", [Chris uses quotations despite the original question not containing the phrase] [[Chris and reality|IT IS FACT]]. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet."

[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]] reveals that Chris has some awareness of Judaism, probably picked up from watching [[South Park]]. He appears to not understand that Jews or Buddhists don't celebrate [[Christmas]]. However, in the way he wrote it, it is unknown if he's implying that Christians, [[Hanukkah|Jews]] and [[Christmas#Jolly Buddah (sic)|Buddhists]] go to the same church or if he's saying they go to separate places of worship but calls them churches because his vocabulary is heavily lacking. In [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]], Chris is being blatantly anti-Semitic by "just throwing it out there" that he thinks Snyder is a Jew, and uses "Jew" as an insult. [[Some Favored Comedians]] is a thinly-veiled furious backpedaling attempt in which he rambles on and on about how he respects Jewish comedians.

In a CWCipedia [[Chris-Chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris-Chan_the_Moralf.2A.2A| article]], he strongly hints at feeling great hatred towards Muslims. Although the article primarily exists to deny various accusations trolls have made about him, he does not deny being a "prolific hater of all things not Christian".

==TL;DR version==

Chris is a terrible Christian and will likely burn in hell.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Angelica Rosechu]]
*[[Dreams]]
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Christian's name change|GodBear]]
*[[Grace Baptist Church]]
*[[Wesley Foundation Methodist Church]]

==External links==
*[http://store.engrish.com/godjest.html Buy your own Godjesus T-shirt here.]

{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and religion

2010-07-10T00:03:22Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Chris the Shaman */

{{quote|When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.|1st Corinthians 13:11, on what Chris <s>has failed to</s> will never do.}}

{{quote|And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of [[JERKS|envy]], murder, debate, [[Lies|deceit]], malignity; whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, [[Chris and his ego|proud]], boasters, inventors of [[Sonichu|evil things]], [[Bob Chandler|disobedient to parents]], without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.|Romans 1:28-32, on Chris}}

{{quote|my CURRENT church can help me a LOT better than any "professional"|Chris being a Xenufag, to [[Vivian Gee|Vivitheg]]}}
[[Image:CHRISjesuss.jpg|thumb|right||Program from Chris's baptism]]
'''The religion of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]''' is a complicated topic because his stated religious convictions often differ from his actual, peculiar beliefs about God, sinfulness, and the nature of good and evil.

That Chris professes a belief in Christianity completes the general stereotype of the naive hillbilly idiot who thinks that citing divine authority is the way to win arguments about things he doesn't understand. With religion, like anything else, Chris only hears what he wants to hear. For example, he accepts his religion's teachings condemning [[homos]]exuality ''and'' ignores the fact that it also forbids pre-marital sex, [[Nudes|pornography]], and [[Mass debating|masturbation]]. This dissonance is exemplified in his reaction to the news that [[PandaHalo]] had been raped and impregnated by [[Clyde Cash]]: He actively encouraged her to spend time with her rapist because a child should know and be raised by both of its parents... shortly after encouraging her to get an abortion.

Chris's narrow view of the world requires that [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] share his religious beliefs, despite the fact that they also regard Chris as their almighty creator and father.

Regardless of his religion, Chris believes he has received [[Dreams|multiple visions from God]].

==Denomination==
[[Image:SonichuRosechuReligious.jpg|thumb|right|Sonichu and Rosechu recall Joseph's story of "forgiveness" prior to Rosechu brutally faceraping [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].]]
At some time in his youth, Chris was baptized in an unspecified [[Wikipedia:Methodism|Methodist]] church.<ref>[[IRC_(28_December_2008)]]</ref> The first church he and his parents are known to have attended is [[Grace Baptist Church]], a small congregation in [[Charlottesville]] that launched in 2000.<ref>http://cvilletomorrow.typepad.com/charlottesville_tomorrow_/2007/12/grace_baptist.html</ref> In 2008 he was, under [[Nudes|mysterious circumstances]], forced to leave that community, at which time he began attending [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]].

"Wesley Mem" is located near the [[University of Virginia]] and has an unusually liberal theology; the common conclusion among [[trolls]] is that congregations more in line with Chris's opinions of [[homos]] are equally intolerant of him, so he had to come here. The doctrinal differences between the Southern Baptist and Methodist denominations are probably too subtle for Chris to concern himself with, and he likely does not identify with any particular denomination of Christianity beyond simply being Protestant.

Chris has no connection to Catholicism, which he seems to regard as a benign but alien practice. In his comics, he assigns it to a minor character, [[Angelica Rosechu]], whose faith doesn't practically differentiate her from the rest of the inhabitants of CWCville - she's still as much of a slut as the rest of the Rosechus. (Not to mention, her home congregation is called "Samuel Memorial United Christian Church," which is about the least likely name for a Catholic church Chris could have come up with, as most Catholic churches have a saint prefix.)

[[PandaHalo]]'s persona was designed to be devoutly Catholic specifically to confound Chris's desire for pre-marital sex with contraception. Faced with this challenge, Chris tried to argue that God really does allows pre-marital sex because his pastor said so. Members of the same religion often differ on the finer points of God's will because ultimately there is no objective point of reference to settle the dispute. Chris cannot comprehend this because to him his beliefs ''are'' that point of reference; you either share his beliefs or you're receiving bad information.

==Concept of God (or: GodJesus)==
[[Image:Jesusbot.jpg|thumb|right|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES]]
[[Image:CWCletter.jpg|thumb|left|Chris invokes God and Jesus, saying they told him that [[Blanca]] is real. Proof that God and Jesus are on the [[trolls|trolls']] side.]]
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|God and Jesus tell Chris he is meant to be with Ivy who is [[lie|totally not a troll]].]]
[[Image:Issue 0A Page 8 edit.JPG|thumb|left|Radar sums it up nicely]]

Chris has a fundamental belief in an omnipotent, benevolent God; beyond this, he also accepts Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind. He's reluctant to mention God without also including Jesus, perhaps out of some sense that he must stress his specifically Christian notion of God. In effect, Chris frequently refers to "God and Jesus" (or "GodJesus"<ref>[[Matthew 5:27, CWC Confessions]]</ref><ref>[[CWC_Update_9_April_2009]]</ref>) as if they were some sort of two-headed creature, unlike the Christian concept of the Holy Trinity, which states that God himself exists as three "persons" or expressions. This would technically make him closer to a [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unitarianism Unitarian] than a Methodist.

Being the unparalleled study in egotism he is, Chris seems to view God as a more of a metaphor for his own will than a supreme being to whom he is subject. To Chris, God will overlook (or doesn't care about) his misdeeds, but will become as enraged as Chris over those of others, especially when they are against him. Case in point, the ''fact'' that Chris cheated in the [[PaRappa the Rapper contest]] is not nearly as important as the ''suspicion'' that [[Adam Stackhouse]] did.

Chris believes God has a special interest in his own life, which would be consistent with Western monotheism except that he also thinks God has nothing better to do than attend to him, and him alone. In his worldview, God's primary purpose is to arrange events so that he is happy, and punish those who make him unhappy. He is commonly observed saying things like "with God (and Jesus) on my side I will...[insert anything Chris [[fail|fails]] at]." He often invokes the wrath of God in his [[Death threats|infantile threats]], and is oblivious to the fact God has yet to back him up on any of them.

Chris attributes most of his motivations to commands given to him directly from God and Jesus in [[Dreams|visions]]. His exact beliefs concerning these prophetic dreams are difficult to pin down, but the most rational interpretation is that Chris dreams about something he'd like to do, then wakes up and decides it was God telling him to do it. In Chris's mind, each vision is simultaneously a directive to do something and proof that it will happen no matter what occurs. For instance, after Chris had a vision about fathering a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|daughter]], he decided he was required to actively [[Love Quest|make that happen]] while also assuring himself that [[fail]]ure was impossible. When Chris was being accused of [[Chris and race|racism]] for insisting that he can only date white women, he justified this by arguing that prophesied daughter must be white.

Subsequent visions from God have supposedly confirmed that [[Blanca]], [[PandaHalo]], and [[Ivy]] were to be the mother of Chris's child, despite the fact that each of these women subsequently turned out to be [[trolls]]. This proves that God, if he exists, is either not responsible for Chris's supposedly prophetic dreams, or is having a [[Laughs Under Lucricities|laugh at his expense]].

Chris also believes that if he confesses his sins to GodJesus he will be forgiven. Private confessions directly to God are not uncommon in Protestantism, but generally it's assumed that the confessor is doing so to genuinely atone for mistakes. However, Chris abuses the purpose of confession so that he can commit whatever wrongs he wants and then wipe the slate clean with his "confession." For example, Chris made [[To_Clyde_and_Jack|a video]] in which he suggested that Clyde Cash and Jack Thaddeus kill themselves so they can burn in hell forever. He later drew them doing just that in his comic. Just one day after the comic appearance, Chris answered a fan letter in [[Mailbag 33]] asking why he had been wishing suicide upon them, and pointing out that such a wish conflicts with his Christian beliefs. Chris responded that he had "confessed of that to God and Jesus, and they have forgiven [him] on that." One of two things happened: either Chris wished for their deaths in the video, asked for forgiveness, then gleefully drew it happening afterward anyway, or he waited until he'd finally got done saying his piece, then conveniently offered up his confession right after getting everything out of his system. Either way, such a confession is highly disingenuous.

It's important to ask Christians why, if God is so loving, there is pain and suffering in the world, and why they have suffered at the hands of him. However, unlike many Christians, Chris can't even think of a half-assed answer to the question. It's strange that despite Chris's strong belief that GodJesus is backing him up on his [[Love Quest]], that God imparts on him such [[stress]] and trolling. He seems to believe that the way prayer works is the same way a little kid learns to get what they want: by saying "please". To Chris, prayer is apparently like ordering a pizza, and as long as you pray for something, it'll show up for you exactly how you ordered it, a principle that applies to base and material things as much as spiritual guidance.
{{clear}}

==Afterlife==
[[Image:Apostle_paul_rembrandt.jpg|thumb|left|The likely reaction of Apostle Paul to Chris's 'interpretation' of the Bible]]
[[Image:Jesus facepalm.jpg|thumb|right|Jesus's reaction to Chris's antics.]]
{{Quote|For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.|Ephesians 2:8-10, on the place of good deeds in the Christian faith.}}
{{Quote|Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and possibly Reincarnation.|Chris, [[Mailbag 30#Questions|with his own theory]].}}

While the idea of good deeds causing someone to go to heaven and bad deeds sending them to hell is not an uncommon one, Protestant theology explicitly states that the salvation of one's soul is based completely on one's faith. In general this teaching means that one's prior sins (no matter how terrible) can be forgiven by God, and that members of the faith should try to live righteous lives not because it will get them into heaven, but simply because doing so is morally the right thing to do. The salvation of one's soul through faith is essentially the single point upon which nearly every Protestant denomination is based.

Like everything else, Chris fails at this basic concept, stating that one goes to heaven or hell based completely on personal actions. He personally believes he will go to heaven because he's done "[[Common Questions#Answered 01/01/10|a lot of good deeds]]". Likewise, he feels that [[homos]] are almost certainly bound to go to hell, and need to turn straight to "[[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|better their chances of going to heaven]]". He has also stated numerous times that he feels [[Clyde Cash|various]] [[Jack Thaddeus|trolls]] are bound for hell for making fun of people over the internet. He has suggested that they [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|commit suicide]] so that they might receive their eternal punishment faster.

Additionally, Chris [[Mailbag 21#Chris gets a call from The Doctor|believes in the concept of reincarnation]], common in Hinduism and other Eastern religions, though he has yet to offer any criteria for what might cause someone to be reincarnated.

==Concept of sin==
{{quote|But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...|Jesus Christ, Matthew 5:44}}

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO [[Death threats|KILL]] [[JASON KENDRICK HOWELL]]|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls]] Forum}}

{{quote|HAVE A GOD DAMN HEART ATTACK RIGHT NOW, THIS VERY MOMENT YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU GOD DAMN BITCHING WHORE!|E-mail from Chris to [[Vivian]]}}

Other than vehemently opposing [[homos]], [[trolls]], and [[jerkops]], Chris seems to have little notion about the nature of sin and evil except that people who do things he doesn't like should go to hell. This is completely at odds with the part of Christian philosophy that states all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and anyone who repents his sins will be redeemed.

Chris's understanding of Christian theology is extremely limited, and he does not seem to know anything about the Bible. His homophobia apparently had nothing to do with Leviticus 18:22, which he was unaware of until he heard about it from [[Family Guy]]. His [[Fapcup|aversion to "spilling his seed"]] and his [[recycling|dedication to the unborn]] have absolutely no basis in Biblical passages condemning sexual immorality and abortion.

When Chris gave in to temptation and cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] in violation of his monogamous relationship with [[Ivy]], Chris made [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|a big production]] out of confessing his sin and seeking forgiveness. This suggests that he previously had little to no experience with the idea of repenting sins before God.

===Guilty of all "Seven Deadly Sins"===
[[Image:Pope face palm.jpg|thumb|right|His Holiness's reaction to Chris's commission of all Seven Deadly Sins.]]

The concept of there being "seven deadly sins" is more a conception of the Catholics than of the Protestants, who will mostly tell you that ''any'' sin is equally as bad in the eyes of God. Given that Chris very likely could not tell the difference, it doesn't matter much. 

*'''Lust''': Obvious. Between all the purchases of sex toys and pornography, masturbation, sexual fantasies, intentions with prospective mates, and his objectification of women, lust is not only what seems to consume his every thought: it may very well be what leads to the consumption of his soul by Beelzebub (if you believe in that sort of thing). In fact, he's now on a [[Fuck Quest]]. See [[Chris and Sex]].
*'''Gluttony''': It is not quite known if Chris's [[obesity|girth]] is [[Barbara|hereditary]] or the result of [[McDonalds|over consumption]], but the latter seems more likely having been a spoiled child and being sedentary for the greater part of his life.
*'''Avarice/Greed''': Chris's obsession with gaining wealth via winning contests and his behavior in trying to do so (e.g. putting [[Cole Smithey|his brother's]] questions about his paternity on the back burner while nagging him to vote for him), demonstrate an extreme desire for material gain. Also, he steals from his parents to buy [[PS3|video games he'll never play]]. See also [[Chris and Money]].
*'''Sloth''': Another extremely obvious one. Content to be the proud recipient of a "[[monthly tugboat]]" while sitting on his ass playing video games and surfing the Internet, Christian rarely even puts forth even the minimal amount effort necessary to draw his Sonichu comics more than a few times a year.
*'''Wrath''': [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[Jerkops]]. [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]. "[[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!]]". [[Chris_and_anger|Yeah...]]
*'''Envy''': His attitude towards other men as having taken [[Virgin with rage|"ALL THE PRETTY GIRLS AND LEFT NONE FOR ME!!!"]] is a lot more envy than most Christians should ever hold towards anything. Another proof of his envy was the personal hate that he aimed at [[Adam Stackhouse]], the winner of the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]]. Frankly, Adam deserved to win, but Chris cannot accept that someone else has something (talent) which he does not.
*'''Pride''': Chris's self-centered worldview and inability to note his own flaws. Narcissus himself would look down on him for his selfishness. This is partly due to incessant coddling and sheltering from his parents his whole life. See [[Chris and his Ego]] for more information.

===Breaking all "Ten Commandments"===

Similar to the above, the concept of the Ten Commandments is more commonly associated with Judaism than Christianity, but, as noted, Chris is probably too goddamn stupid to tell the difference.

*'''1. "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me"''': While he claims to be devoted to GodJesus [[Chris and Reality|in real life]], his [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|in-comic persona]] seems to be a full-blown God Mode Sue. Furthermore, he wears a [[Medallion of Fail]] around his neck, in the same place where TRUE and HONEST Christians commonly wear crosses.
*'''2. "Thou shalt not make an image or any likeness of what is in the heavens above"''': The most common interpretation is that this commandment does not forbid drawing pictures of heavenly beings (seen above), but instead refers to the construction or fashioning of "idols" in the likeness of created things (beasts, fish, birds, people) and worshiping them. Chris seems to believe that either the Medallions of Fail or the [[Amnyfest Ring]] are the source of [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|supernatural powers]], in direct violation of this commandment.
*'''3. "Thou shalt not swear falsely by the name of thy Lord"''': Chris has repeatedly cited the name of God when making outrageous claims about what he intends to do, whether it be to get back at [[trolls]], or to find a potential [[sweetheart]], regardless of whether or not he actually succeeds in meeting these unrealistic expectations. He also says 'goddamn' a lot too.
*'''4. "Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy"''': As noted above, the Sabbath is almost exclusively observed by Jews rather than Christians, but it is still pretty likely that Chris has broken this commandment by "going to work" (making his comics, which he intends to make money off of) on Saturday. A more straight-up example would be the countless times that he has neglected going to church on Sunday, the Christian sabbath.
*'''5. "Honor thy [[Bob Chandler|father]] and thy [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]"''': Surprisingly, Chris has come pretty close to actually obeying this commandment. Not close enough, however, as Chris has been known to do [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|things]] that [[Bob walks in|upset]] his father. He also [[Bob Walks In Aftermath|called his father a bastard]] once.
*'''6. "Thou shalt not kill"''': Hoo boy. Chris [[Death threats|seems to want to directly defy this commandment]]. Bonus points for actually praying to GodJesus to kill his enemies.
*'''7. "Thou shalt not commit adultery"''': In the literal sense, Chris will most likely be following this commandment [[Virgin with Rage|for the rest of his life]]. Christians believe that this commandment states that they should avoid having any lustful thoughts, sex before marriage, etc. Figuratively, however, he broke this rule when he cybered with [[Vanessa Hudgens]] and had phone sex with [[Julie]]. In his [[comic]], his affair with [[Lovely Weather]] arguably counts as a form of adultery, as well, and even if it doesn't, his subsequent affair with Meg from ''[[Family Guy]]'' certainly does. Also, he clearly has [[Third date|no problem with]] [[F Abstinance|premarital sex in general]].
*'''8. "Thou shalt not steal"''': It is unknown if Chris has ever stolen any physical thing in real life, but if [[Chris and Copyright|plagiarism]] counts, he may as well be sitting in the Devil's lap. He has, however, stolen money from his parents to purchase games on PSN and he even purposely wrote a bad check to Joshua for a PSP. Also, one could argue that he is guilty of stealing [[monthly tugboat|your taxpayer dollars.]] Although, some scholars argue that this commandment actually means ''Thou shalt not kidnap'', which Chris hasn't done ... yet. Watch your back, ladies.
*'''9. "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor"''': Chris has been known to [[Lie|bend the truth]] in order to make himself look good and to defame [[Jerkops|other]] [[Mary Lee Walsh|people]], if his [[Sub-Episodes|comics]] are any indicator.
*'''10. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods"''': Arguably the one he is most guilty of breaking. As noted in the Seven Deadly Sins, Chris has shown to be extremely resentful to other people who win prizes, be they [[Adam Stackhouse|video games]], [[Honor Roll|art awards]], or [[JERKS|girlfriends]]. It should also be noted that the original passage in the Bible specifically forbids the coveting of your [[Liquid Chris|neighbor]]'s [[Kacey|wife]].

===Breaking the Levitical Laws===

The Levitical laws were written for Hebrews, as a covenant with God. They are a priestly code of social behavior, with the agreement that: if the laws are followed, the Hebrews would be given the Promised Land. Despite the fact that these laws were made for a culture thousands of years ago, and only followed by strict observers of Halakha, Chris seems to have no problem applying these laws to modern times and modern people. Well, [[Chris and hypocrisy|sometimes]].

In [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus]], Chris touts one of the most used and abused Bible verses, Leviticus 18:22, as evidence that [[homos|homosexuality]] is "just plain wrong". Unknown to Chris, and many people who cite this verse, this is a part of the old Levitical code, which has many, many other commandments. Most Christians pick and choose which Levitical laws they obey and which were "merely metaphor" or "just for the Hebrews" despite what [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew%205:17&version=NIV Jesus Christ said about the laws]. Chris breaks Levitical Law on a near daily basis.

There are many, many laws, and Chris breaks too many of them for them to all be listed here. Some prime examples include:

*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2011&version=NIV Leviticus 11]''' This whole chapter deals with was sort of animals you should and should not eat. Even though Chris eats at [[McDonald's]] every "2 or 3 times a week", odds are that he's had pork or shellfish at least once in his life, if not many times.
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:11&version=NIV Leviticus 19:11]''' "Do not steal. Do not lie. Do not deceive one another." [[List of Chris's lies|Chris lies a lot]].
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:12&version=NIV Leviticus 19:12]''' "Do not swear falsely by my name and so profane the name of your God. I am the LORD." Most of this article is dedicated to the misuse of God's name.
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:19&version=NIV Leviticus 19:19]''' "Keep my decrees: Do not mate different kinds of animals. Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material." Chris benefits from the science of hybridization daily. Those Chicken McNuggets of which he's ever so fond come from hybrid corn, and you can bet his [[Chris and Fashion|clothes]] aren't a pure weave. And what is [[Sonichu]], if not "mating different kinds of animals": a [[Sonic|hedgehog]] and a [[Pokemon|pikachu]] (itself a hybrid of the mouse and the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pika pika])?
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:26&version=NIV Leviticus 19:26]''' "Do not eat any meat with the blood still in it. Do not practice divination or sorcery." It's fairly doubtful that Chris keeps kosher about the meat, but more importantly... [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse-ye-ha-me-ha!]] [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|FORGIVENESS BLESSINGS!]]
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:27&version=NIV Leviticus 19:27]''' "Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard." [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back]]
*'''[http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus%2019:28&version=NIV Leviticus 19:28]''' "Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD." While Chris has not directly violated this law, he has used tattoos to [[Chris and fashion#The "IBA." outfit|attract the ladies]].

==Chris the Shaman==
{{quote|The spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! She will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.|Chris, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]}}
[[Image:Ickeriss_medallions.jpg|thumb|right||The Medallions serve as Chris's connection to the spirit realm.]]

Despite his professed Christianity, Chris's beliefs and behaviors almost tend towards a sort of shamanistic mindset, where God is a force to be controlled and the universe can be influenced by various mystic rituals. In Chris's case, he seems to believe that his tirades and tantrums will somehow affect the trolls who torment him. His attacks on the [[Clown Doll]], for instance, are a metaphorical threat, but also suggest an attempt at somehow literally harming the trolls through [[Wikipedia:sympathetic magic|sympathetic magic]], like a voodoo doll. He views his revenge against his enemies in the comic or in ''[[Soul Calibur]] III'' as being equivalent to actual revenge, rather than simply venting.

The world of [[CWCville]] is also a spirit realm, where Chris is almighty and can create and shape it as he pleases due to his power of "creativity". It exists outside, but parallel, to the real world, and sometimes Chris seems to honestly believe that it's a real place, even if it's just imaginary. This idea of the spirit realm became more valid when, in a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|video]], Chris claimed that the soul of his [[Patti Chandler|dead dog]] (now [[Patti-Chan|living in CWCville]]) would devour Alec Benson Leary's soul and haunt his [[dreams]].

While Chris has used the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] in reality, he never took it too seriously, at least until he used it on [[Liquid Chris]] in a video. With the "kidnapping" of Liquid, he then realized that he had "the power" to actually curse people. He also developed a new ability to bless people via the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction|Forgiveness Blessings]] skill. He honestly seems to believe that these powers are real, even stating in one video that if it works, then he knows he has "the power." GaoGaiGar fans then promptly wanted to hit Chris for his abuse of [[Wikipedia:The_King_of_Braves_GaoGaiGar_glossary#.22THE_POWER.22_and_Jupiter-X|ZA POWER]]. Chris later stated in a music video that if people antagonize him, they will be cursed, but if you're true and honest, you will receive blessings.

Chris ought to be aware that his sorcery is not merely atypical of a Christian, but in fact explicitly proscribed by his faith. [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=galatians%205:19-20&version=KJV Galatians 5:19-20] lists witchcraft as one of the more blatant acts of sin, whilst in the Old Testament, [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus+22%3A18&version=KJV Exodus 22:18] commands "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live". That's right, there's a Biblical mandate for Chris's death. Alec Benson Leary, in one of his [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|phone calls]] with Chris, attempted to point out the thoroughly un-Christian nature of Chris's dabbling in black magic, but his reasoning appeared to have little effect.

Of course, it is important to remember, even if he did convert to a shamanistic faith, chances are most groups would kick him out just as quickly. Cursing people is one of the few things Wiccans and neo-Pagans are forbidden from doing, and most all groups would look down upon his general idiocy and his dabbling into powers [[Slow-in-the-minds|beyond his comprehension]]. No matter what, Chris will likely be hated for being an [[Chris and his ego|egotistical]], [[Women's Rights|sexist]], [[Chris and Race|racist]], [[Fail|failure]].

For all we know, Chris will one day start popping magic mushrooms and writing comics based on that, which many agree would be a huge improvement on his current work.

==Delusions of Godhood?==
{{quote|Fear not. For behold I bring tidings of great joy.|Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10]]}}
{{quote|I prayed for forgiveness from the real Christian. Sonichu, will he forgive me?|Aspie Sonichu, [[Sonichu 10]]}}
[[Image:Issue 10 Pg 48.jpg|thumb|Sonichu cracks open his tomb and descends in a beam of light.]]
Starting on page 42 of [[Issue 10]], Chris displays a somewhat disturbing twist to the plot (such as it is) of his comics. [[Ultra Sonichu]] frees [[Zelina Rosechu]] from her stoned state using his Chaotic powers, then appears to [[Darkbind Sonichu]] with a message similar in tone, if not outright text, to prophecies of the coming of Jesus Christ (complete with arms outstretched as if he were suspended on a crucifix).

Later on in the issue, Ultra Sonichu travels to the world of [[Asperchu]], where the characters of that comic inform him that they were forced into their roles by Alec, and that they had been praying to Christian Weston Chandler for deliverance and forgiveness. And lo Chris-chan did send the Messiah Sonichu to end their suffering. Sonichu uses the "Chaotic Remedy" to miraculously cure them all of their [[Asperger's syndrome]] (even though only Asperchu himself had the condition) and gives them new names and new, "better" looks.

It should be noted that, like Jesus Christ, [[Sonichu]] was born to a [[virgin with rage|virgin]].

Possibly in response to criticism about acting as God, in [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_62 later pages] Chris addressed the issue of the non-canon chaotic combo worshiping him in an incredibly ignorant manner. First, he declares that he is not God but "a servant of him and Jesus", and immediately after goes on to "forgive" Michael (the copycat Sonichu's made-over name) for "baring false witness against <nowiki>[Chris]</nowiki>", as if he has the authority to forgive the breaking of the ten commandments, ''like he's God or something.''

Further evidence of Chris's blossoming God complex comes through his answer to some of the frequently asked questions that were put to him via the [[Mailbag]], where he states that he considers Sonichu to have over a billion fans. The only other fictional character who can claim such a number is God himself. This mad fuckery is compounded by the fact that Chris is like a God to Sonichu; this means that his opinion of himself is that of a God's God. Or maybe a [[Christopher's name change|God's bear]]. Chris moves in mysterious ways.
{{clear}}

==Chris and other faiths==
Chris has never had much to say about religious beliefs other than his own, least of all non-Christian beliefs. Given his sheltered existence in the heart of the suburban American south, he probably hasn't had much practical exposure to anything but mainstream brands of Protestantism. When his "fans" asked him for his feelings on other religions during an [[IRC (28 December 2008)|IRC chat]], he glossed over the question and simply reiterated his own unthinking statement of faith. [[Vivitheg's_AIM_chat|Vivian Gee]]'s belief in Daoism seemed to be a concept he couldn't process.

He doesn't think much of atheists, but even there Chris has a hard time articulating his opinion. When Vivian asked him to explain why he dislikes them, he said, "I don't know, but I do know that they are not believers of God and Jesus." The irony here is that it's even harder for Atheists to try and take God and Jesus seriously enough to believe in them when Chris goes around boasting about having the deities on his side as though they were his personal avengers. When asked "You often attempt to scare your trolls by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?" in [[Mailbag 35]], his response was "Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", [Chris uses quotations despite the original question not containing the phrase] [[Chris and reality|IT IS FACT]]. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet."

[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]] reveals that Chris has some awareness of Judaism, probably picked up from watching [[South Park]]. He appears to not understand that Jews or Buddhists don't celebrate [[Christmas]]. However, in the way he wrote it, it is unknown if he's implying that Christians, [[Hanukkah|Jews]] and [[Christmas#Jolly Buddah (sic)|Buddhists]] go to the same church or if he's saying they go to separate places of worship but calls them churches because his vocabulary is heavily lacking. In [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]], Chris is being blatantly anti-Semitic by "just throwing it out there" that he thinks Snyder is a Jew, and uses "Jew" as an insult. [[Some Favored Comedians]] is a thinly-veiled furious backpedaling attempt in which he rambles on and on about how he respects Jewish comedians.

In a CWCipedia [[Chris-Chan_(CWCipedia)#Chris-Chan_the_Moralf.2A.2A| article]], he strongly hints at feeling great hatred towards Muslims. Although the article primarily exists to deny various accusations trolls have made about him, he does not deny being a "prolific hater of all things not Christian".

==TL;DR version==

Chris is a terrible Christian and will likely burn in hell.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Angelica Rosechu]]
*[[Dreams]]
*[[Christmas]]
*[[Christian's name change|GodBear]]
*[[Grace Baptist Church]]
*[[Wesley Foundation Methodist Church]]

==External links==
*[http://store.engrish.com/godjest.html Buy your own Godjesus T-shirt here.]

{{Not_Jerks}}
{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and reality

2010-07-09T23:58:48Z

Hamsterjelly: /* Real Life */

{{quote|I don't have to Justify Sonichu and Rosechu; they can take of that themselves.|Chris, being completely delusional in [[IRC (20 January 2009)]]}}
{{quote|WHAT THEY AREN'T REAL WHAT ARE YOU DELUSIONAL|[[Clyde Cash]]'s response to the above.}}
'''Reality''' is the universe from which [[Chris]] is quite detached. Chris has demonstrated considerable difficulty distinguishing fantasy and reality.

==Fantasy and Fiction==
[[CWCville]] is the name of the idyllic fantasy world of Chris's imagination. It is his preferred means of escape from a world that does not give Chris what he feels reasonably entitled to. Above all else, CWCville is built around Chris's comfort and convenience. As its mayor, Chris enjoys as much power and as little responsibility as he wants.

[[Image:Toontown.jpg|thumb|right|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]]

Chris believes that [[CWCville]], as all other products of his imagination, actually exist in a parallel universe he calls a "Toon World," where they are free to mingle with all other fictional cartoon characters, citing the film [[Wikipedia:Who Framed Roger Rabbit?|Who Framed Roger Rabbit?]] as a model. Chris considers anyone who does not accept this thinking "[[Chris and hypocrisy|naïve]]."<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2]]</ref> Chris has claimed to hold the distinction of Mayor of CWCville "IN REAL LIFE." <ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)]]</ref> Chris admits that CWCville is not real only to pacify others too [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow in the mind]] to comprehend this idea.

{{quote|I don't have to Justify Sonichu and Rosechu; they can take of that themselves.|Chris [[IRC (20 January 2009)|20 January 2009]]}}

All of Chris's characters are aware that Chris is the creator of their reality. Sonichu and Rosechu both refer to him as "father," in much the same way a Christian might consider God to be their father. Chris believes his characters possess the free will to make their own decisions, and that he is not responsible for their actions. It is Slaweel Ryam, not Chris, who apologizes for slandering Mary Lee Walsh.<ref>[[Mary Lee Walsh#Possible reconciliation]]</ref> Chris once justified his refusal to write Simonla out of the comic by saying that she would not want to leave CWCville, and that she and [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]] would fight for her right to stay.<ref>[[Mailbag 43#...well, this is disturbing!]]</ref>
Chris considers everything drawn, written, or even said about CWCville is canon, and feels it necessary to explain away [[Billy Mays|undesirable]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|changes]] to CWCville made as a result of [[BlueSpike|outside]] [[Alec Benson Leary|influences]].

==Real Life==
Chris has a tendency to [[Father Call|exaggerate]] estimates of [[Duck|length]], [[White knight emails|weight]], and [[I AM STRONG|strength]] toward his favor. These are symptoms of [[Wikipedia:Dyscalculia|dyscalculia]], which is common with autism, where the sufferer has no comprehension of time, measurement, or spatial reasoning. But this tendency seems to suggest not mere ignorance, but Chris's perception that the limits of his physical potential are inherently impressive to others.

Where objective reality conflicts with them, [[Autism|Chris expects his self-favoring opinions to be accepted by others as the truth]].

When asked by Evan to remove Simonla from his comics, Chris decided that he could have created her without the inspiration of Evan's character Simonchu and thus effectively had.<ref>[[Mailbag 44#I want to see Simonla die so very badly]]</ref> Chris "[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3|corrected]]" Simonla's [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Simonla_Rosechu CWCipedia entry] with a "[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4|retraction]]" denying Simonla was ever inspired by Simonchu. Chris expected that this new version of the truth would be happily accepted by all concerned parties.

Chris considers people with Asperger's Syndrome "fakers" who are taking "the Shine and Limelight" away from genuine Autistic people such as himself.<ref>[[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)]]</ref> Although Chris has admitted that this "Fact" is only his "own idea," Chris sees accepting the truth to the contrary as "conform[ing] to blasphem[y]."<ref>[[Autism Awareness E-mails]]</ref>

Chris also seems completely unaware of what current technology is and is not capable of. In his [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu article] on the [[CWCipedia]], he talks about his status as the Cwcville [[Pokémon]] gym leader, then goes on to suggest that Nintendo pour their resources into developing a Poké-ball peripheral that would have slots for every generation of Pokémon games, including a slot for the Gamecube memory card. He expects this peripheral to be able to [[Yu-Gi-Oh|read party data from the inserted game/memory card, display a holographic image of the Pokémon in play, and be used to challenge people in real life who own the same peripheral.]]

Chris is also prone to interpreting various forms of media in his own autistic way. During his attempt to put up his own ads on the CWCipedia, he claimed that the award-winning film ''Avatar'' was meant to promote the eradication of homosexuality rather than the tolerance of other cultures. Where he got this idea is a mystery, as homosexuality is not once mentioned in the film. His fear of homosexuals destroying the future, incidentally, emerged from an episode of South Park called "Goobacks", which was a satire on the controversy of illegal immigration. Long story short, a group of rednecks who had lost their jobs to the illegal immigrants from the future decided that the best way to get their jobs back was to destroy the future by making everyone gay so there wouldn't be anybody in the future. Chris, however, took everything at face value and interpreted the episode as a scare film on par with ''Red Dawn''. And of course, Chris is convinced that [[Family Guy]] is made by the staunchest, most religious Republican in the world, when in reality it's made by a liberal atheist.

==Chris and Magic==
:''See also: [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|Chris the Shaman]]''

Through Chris's perception of God as an implement of his will comes the delusion that he has magical powers that will permit him to eventually succeed over the enemies that he is unable to dispatch by any more conventional means.

The most notorious example is the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], a power that supposedly bestows terrible fortune on the recipient. Chris has performed this curse on innumerable occasions, both over the internet and in public. He has even retracted the curse [[Chris and remorse|albeit reluctantly]] on at least three occasions <ref>[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha Retraction]]</ref> <ref>[[One Blessing, and One Curse]]</ref> <ref>[[I am Alive]]</ref> with a "Forgiveness Blessing'" which further cements Chris's belief in its efficacy. He also believes that he has the power to [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|brainwash people into following his commands]] and to sic the spirit of [[Patti Chandler|his dead dog]] to [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|attack people in their sleep]]. Chris believes that he may have other latent powers that he may discover when the opportunity presents itself.<ref>[[Mailbag 20#Chris still thinks he can actually curse people]]</ref> All of this magic is supposedly powered by his preferred [[Medallion of Fail|personal]] [[Amnyfest Ring|relic]] of the day.

When asked by a fan how he came to learn of his powers, Chris replied:
{{quote|I have learned about the Curses actually working firstly when I cursed the real-life Mary Lee Walsh; then I later heard that her reputation at [[PVCC]] went DOWN ([[Chris and his Ego|yes, mostly due to my references in the pages]]), but then things got worse for her, and even though I forgave her for her misdeed on interrupting my [[Love Quest|Sweetheart Search]], I feel she definitely got what she deserved for her misdeed. Later, I cursed one specific Troll (I forget who); shortly later, I learn that troll came down with a [[Wikipedia:Common Cold|life-threatening ailment.]]|Chris, [[Mailbag 18#In which Chris believes he has magic powers (srsly)|Mailbag 18]]}}
This is textbook [[Wikipedia:Magical thinking|magical thinking]]. This belief gives Chris the some degree of power over his own life, no matter how illusory. This use of [[Wikipedia:Fantasy (psychology)|fantasy]] is considered by the psychological community to be an [[Autism|immature]] defense mechanism.

==Conspiracy theories==
Chris views the fact of his own life through the lens of his ego. Chris believes that anyone who prevents him from getting what he wants is only interested in being mean to him for its own sake.

Chris believes that he was intentionally infected with autism by his doctor.<ref>[[Mailbag 12#Where autism comes from]]</ref> [[Mary Lee Walsh|Anyone]] [[Jerkops|who]] [[Manajerk|hinders]] Chris's [[Love Quest]] is part of an effort to "make true love illegal," either in Virginia or nation-wide.<ref>[[Sonichu 4]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Blog#10 March 2010]]</ref> This choice of words suggests that Chris believes that he [[Chris and his Ego|is entitled to a girlfriend]], and that people are attempting to take legal action to deprive him of this alleged right.

When no culprit responsible for his unhappiness is visible, Chris prefers to accuse unseen hands of plotting against him. Chris blamed his inability to find guests to a sporting event on efforts by the Greene County school board to deprive him of friends; including conspiracy with realtors to keep him in Ruckersville and with [[Michael Snyder]] to keep him out of his favorite hangout.<ref>[[100 2178]]</ref>

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}
[[Category: Chris-chan]]

Sonichu's Edge

2010-07-09T23:55:26Z

Hamsterjelly:

[[Image:Mirror's Edge.jpg|thumb|right|The truth about the video title.]]
[[Image:Parkay.jpg|thumb|Chris wishes he were eating this instead]]
[[Image:Sonichu's Edge.png|thumb|Artist's depiction]]
"'''Sonichu's Edge'''" (officially "'''Sonichu's Edge.MP4'''") is a video uploaded on [[December 2009| December 3rd, 2009]], in which [[Chris]] goes "[[Father Call|jogging]]". The title is a not-too-subtle [[parody]] of the 3D platformer ''[[Wikipedia: Mirror's Edge|Mirror's Edge]]''.

Based on the accompanying [[3 December 2009|Captain's Log]], he made this to show that he is "pumped up for [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|pushing Sonichu out into merchandise]]." This video proves that Chris has no idea what "jogging" is. He is sprinting (for him) in this video, obviously missing the point of jogging (a slow, easy run). Chris inserts obvious jump cuts at 1:30, 1:58, 2:25, 3:00, 3:22 and 3:42, where he's run out of breath and needs a break due to how [[Chris and health#Exercise|out of shape he is]].

Once again, Chris confuses the acrobatic sport [[Wikipedia:Parkour|parkour]] with the squeezable margarine brand [http://www.parkay.com/index.jsp Parkay]. This ''may'' have something to do with his autism, as the two sound similar. He also confuses "light jogging" with "parkour" in general.

One can only imagine what the innocent citizens of Charlottesville must have thought as a fat, sweaty retard went puffing by at a little over walking pace with a camera dangling from his obese neck.

An email in [[Mailbag 16]] pointed out that Chris ran just 579 metres in three and a half minutes, at a snail's pace of 2.8 m/s, nowhere near the 5 miles he claimed. Chris seems unable to estimate measurements of length and time.

Chris has [[Mailbag 29#In which Chris lies about how much he can run|declined to record another running video]], blaming the battery in his camera.
__NOTOC__
{{clear}}
==Video==

<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Sonichu's Edge
| image = {{#ev:youtube|U0XXXCV2PfQ}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 03 December 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Power|text}}
| Shirt = [[Image:Horizontalredshirt.png]] Vert. Red
| previous = [[3 December 2009]]
| next = [[Holiday Greetings]]
}}</center>

===Transcript===

[''Brandishes [[Amnyfest Ring]]''] Hello there, [[trolls|fans]]! It's Christian Chandler here, live at the downtown mall, where for the [[Sonichu]] franchise and city of CWCville, and everything like that, I'm gonna do [[Chris and English|a Parkay]] from this point [''camera spins around to show some sidewalks''] all the way down to the gara—parking garage [''Camera spins back to Chris''] where, at the end, we will get a nice view of the tent-style theater that's down there where events are held. And for this viewing, the camera will be hung around my neck right about here. [''Gestures to the Sonichu medallion''] To get—see what I see from that point of view. And, also, uh, there may be one or two pauses where I have to catch my—my breath. [[Obesity|Of course that's what you expect]], [[Chris and reality|even from the best runner]].

[''Jump cut. Camera is now apparently hanging around Chris's neck. Chris's hand comes into frame for a second for him to flash the Amnyfest Ring.'']

Alright, here we go!

'''0:42-1:20''' Chris begins running, relatively slowly. His path seems to be pretty erratic.

'''1:21-1:30''' Chris enters a populated area. Though the jerky camera makes it difficult to see, several people seem to stop and stare at him. At 1:28, Chris's heavy breathing becomes audible.

'''1:31-1:44''' First jump cut. For those keeping score, Chris stops to rest after 48 seconds of jogging. He continues through the shopping center, his hands occasionally coming into frame.

'''1:45-1:46''' Chris goes in between some trees.

'''1:47-1:58''' Chris's breathing starts becoming heavy again.

'''1:59-2:15''' Second jump cut. Chris runs past a happy couple, and then runs down some stairs.

'''2:16-2:25''' Chris passes by a large Christmas tree. Around 2:20, his movement begins to slow down considerably.

'''2:26-2:33''' Third jump cut.

'''2:34-2:41''' Relaxing guitar music fades in and out as Chris passes a band of street musicians.

'''2:42-2:54''' Chris continues onwards.

'''2:55-3:00''' Chris runs past a small bus.

'''3:01-3:16''' Fourth jump cut. Chris runs through some decorative trees.

'''3:17-3:21''' Chris rounds a corner, and approaches an open door.

'''3:22-3:32''' Fifth jump cut. Chris is now inside a building. He trudges up some stairs, clearly walking.

'''3:33-3:42''' Chris passes someone going in the opposite direction. He continues upwards.

'''3:43-3:50''' Sixth jump cut. Chris apparently reaches the 4th floor and exits a door into the blinding sunlight.

'''3:51-4:10''' Chris is now on the top level of a parking structure. He runs across the parking area. Around 4:05 his breathing becomes very heavy. At 4:10, he reaches his destination. The camera shows a large tented area on the ground far below.

See? Amphitheater. [''Camera spins around back to Chris, who flashes the peace sign''] Thank you for your [[trolling|continued support]]!

==Remixes==

<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The Chris-Chanos
| video = {{#ev:youtube|AbWn-WsljB0}}
| Stardate = 04 December, 2009
| Maker = KrappleGuy
| Subject = [[Sonichu's Edge]]
| Video Type = (TV) Parody
| Other Info = Spoofs the opening to ''The Sopranos''
}}</center>

<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu's Edge
| video = {{#ev:youtube|eGKCSS-QUkE}}
| Stardate = 04 December, 2009
| Maker = IBAClydeCash
| Subject = [[Sonichu's Edge]]
| Video Type = (VG) Parody
| Other Info = Replaces Faith with [[Chris]].
}}</center>

<center>{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Run Virgin Run
| video = {{#ev:youtube|o1ZgUfmI2vU}}
| Stardate = 04 December, 2009
| Maker = tehcosmicexplorer08
| Subject = [[Sonichu's Edge]]
| Video Type = Dramatic remix
| Other Info = ''Lola Rennt'' soundtrack
}}</center>

==See also==
*[[3 December 2009]]
*[[CWC Fighter]]

==External links==
*[http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?ie=UTF&msa=0&msid=104235379233340359048.000479de54a1731a2b512 Chris's Route as detailed by Google Maps]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2N1TJP1cxmo What Chris is failing to imitate]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RuqRS3KVnQs CWC Doodle- Parkay]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[3 December 2009]]|nextlink=[[Holiday Greetings]]|}}
{{Videos}}
{{Health problems}}
[[Category: Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Pickle

2010-07-08T22:55:33Z

Hamsterjelly:

{{Honest}}
[[Image:Chrisreply3.PNG|center]]

{{quote|[[stress sigh|Sigh,]] can we not talk about pickles, please?|[[Chris]] - [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]]}}
[[Image:201-SchuAqua.jpg|thumb|Pickles are Sonichu's greatest enemy. Also, look at how Chris spells Sbarro.]]

'''Pickle''' is one of [[Chris]]'s euphemisms for "penis," typically in the context of a penis other than his own. (His own penis is usually referred to as his [[duck]].) He and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] (because he's a Mary Sue) both hate penises due to Chris's intense [[Chris and Sex|sexual]] [[homos|insecurity]], to the point that they both literally hate pickled cucumbers.

Chris is easily provoked by fan art suggesting that [[Rosechu]] has a pickle, although it is difficult for him to retaliate since that would require him to actually look at the dreaded vegetable. Coincidentally, one of Chris's most notorious enemies is the "[[Man in the Pickle Suit]]" who has frequently tricked him into, among other things, releasing photos of his own pickle.

Possibly due to trollish usage of the term, Chris made fewer references to pickles in [[2009]] and even fewer afterward, though he still occasionally referred to his picklephobia in works such as [[Sonichu Special 1]].

==Pickled cucumbers==
[[Image:Nnocac.jpg|thumb|When you see it you'll shit bricks.]]

{{quote|They taste terrible, and they look like dicks; even more disgusting.|Chris, answering a troll's email regarding pickles<ref>[[Mailbag 4#Why Chris hates Pickles]]</ref>}}

Aside from his hatred of metaphorical pickles, it is also well documented that Christian has a long-standing aversion to the delicious cucumbers pickled in brine, going as far back to some of the earlier material documented in his [[scrapbook]]. Receipts from his trip to Ohio in search of [[Julie]] show that he specifically orders his fast-food hamburgers without pickles. Even the mere image of a pickle bothers him — the picklish ad banners placed on the [[CWCipedia]] in November 2009 provoked an angry response.

Whether this is because pickles remind him, even when sliced and under the bun of a sandwich, of cocks, or whether he simply has an aversion to foods with a strong taste or smell, remains to be seen. Considering his [[Chris and Health#Nutrition|diet]], pickles may simply be too much flavor for a man who has notoriously [[Family Guy|bland]] tastes to handle. [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Fanta:_Semen_Flavor|Hmm, maybe not...]]
{{clear}}

==References to pickles==
[[Image:Rosechupickels.jpg|thumb|Rosechu brutally face-rapes [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] afterward... for throwing a pickle.]]
[[Image:Picklecat.png|thumb|left|IF I SEE ONE MORE FRICKIN' PICKLE...]]
[[Image:Freakedpickles.png|thumb|[[Adult Swim|Pickles]] is afraid of Chris.]]

Chris's virulent hatred of pickles was one of the first weaknesses discovered by [[trolls]], all the way back in the fall of 2007. When the 4chan artist [[Evan]] contacted Chris with a collection of "fan art" drawn by denizens of /v/ — in which, 4chan being 4chan, images of Rosechu with a penis figured prominently — Chris memorably replied "Rosechu IS A GIRL; SHE NEVER HAD A FREAKIN' PICKLE!!!!"

Since then, Chris has made a number of references to pickles in his comics and YouTube videos, partly on his own and partly due to trollish instigation.

* In his [[CWC "Boyfriend"]] video, Chris makes several references to pickles, albeit in the context of his enemy, the Man in the Pickle Suit.
* He also blamed the Pickle Man for his woes in his video of [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008|October 21 2008]].
* Towards the end of 2008, when Chris still believed that the #sonichu IRC channel was home to his TRUE and LOYAL fanbase, the channel was set up at his behest to kick any chatters who used the word "pickle."
* The "slander ray" wielded by the comic-book [[Clyde Cash]] in [[Sonichu Special 1]] resembles a pickle with a gun barrel attached to one end.
* Chris's nemesis, [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], in [[Sonichu 8]], declares "Go and play with your pickle!" before throwing a pickle at Rosechu. Her response is unwarranted to say the least.
* Sonichu himself has hated pickles since as far back as [[Sonichu 0]], drawn long before Chris was ever trolled through his fear of pickles. There, our hero was frozen with terror after encountering pickles while dining with Rosechu at "Burger Krunch." The panel where this took place was later re-drawn as the "Sonichu & Aqua Teens" illustration.
{{clear}}
{{incomplete}}

==See also==
[[Image:164889-ogorki.jpg|thumb|Picklechu]]
* [[Chris and Sex]]
* [[China]]
* [[Comeuppance]]
* [[Duck]]
* [[Man in the Pickle Suit]]
* [[Mass Debate]]
* [[Masturbating and squirtin']]

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Stress

2010-07-08T22:50:12Z

Hamsterjelly:

[[Image:Stress.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in stressed mode.]]

{{quote|Stress hinders the emotions and physical abilities as swiftly as a bullet.|Chris, equating "stress" with being shot<ref name="IRC" />}}

'''Stress''' is the bane of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s existence.

When pressed on his "high-functioning" autism and eventually learning that he cannot get away with blaming everything on said [[autism]], Chris discovered that "stress" works just as well. However, it's assumed that Chris could be confusing "stress" with "depression", refusing to admit that he is in fact, unhappy with his current situation, as well as the fact that Chris has never experienced actual stress in his life apart from his consistent paranoia over getting trolled.

When under the effects of stress, Chris will typically post videos without his glasses and talk in a more meek variation of his usual monotone speaking voice. It is during these periods of feeling stressed that Chris will opt to remove himself from the internet for about a week or so, and then come back feeling refreshed, rejuvenated and given a new resolve to finish the [[Love Quest]], usually accompanied by his latest [[Troll|sweet heart]]. This is most likely due to his autistic regenerative abilities that make sure that his heart never goes below 0% and into the negatives.

==Things that give Christian stress==

* Bullies.<ref name="IRC" />
* [[Trolls]].
* People at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]].<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]</ref>
* "[A] father who starts more arguments than there are flies at a garbage dump".<ref name="IRC">[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref>
* A [[Bob|father]] who doesn't wash his hands.<ref name="IRC20081231" />
* [[Pickles]].
* [[Wendy's|Getting a job]].
* Anything requiring him to leave the house.
* Doing any chores in the [[house]].<ref name="IRC" />
* The existence of [[ED|webpages]] [[CWCki|outlining]] his many [[fail]]ures.
* [[Boyfriend-free girl|Asking girls to go out with him]].
* [[Autistic|His "mental block" of autism]].
* [[Chris and his Ego|Talking to anyone about anything except himself]].
* Being told things he doesn't like to hear.
* Having drawings of him finger-banging [[Megan]] confused with [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]].
* [[Jimmy Hill|Copyright Issues]].
* [[Homo|His daily struggle against becoming homosexual]].
* Being accused of homosexuality.
* [[Gay4Sonichu|His characters being accused of homosexuality]].
* [[Blanca|Finding out his internet girlfriend broke up with him because of the Pickle Man]].<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate October 21st, 2008]]</ref>
* [[PandaHalo|Finding out his internet girlfriend died in a brushfire]].
* [[Sarah Jackson|Finding out his internet girlfriend was killed by Optimus Prime in a tragic car accident]].
* [[Julie|Finding out his internet girlfriend is a 13 year old boy]].
* [[Ivy|Finding out his internet girlfriend doesn't exist]].
* [[Kacey|Finding out his internet girlfriend is marrying someone else]].
* People [[Chris and death|dying]].<ref name="IRC" />
* Finding out that [[Emily|his date]] was a mole working for The [[Man in the Pickle Suit]].
* Being famous.<ref name="IRC20081231">[[IRC (31 December 2008)]]</ref>
* Being [[Asperchu|parodied]].
* Being [[Chris and his ego|criticized]] or [[White knight|corrected]].
* Being [[friend zone]]d.
* Having his identity [[CChanSonichuCWC|questioned]].
* [[Megan|His hormones]].<ref>[[Megan E-mails#Chris continues bothering her about ED|Megan E-mails]]</ref>
* Being [[List of places that have banned Chris|banned]] from [[the GAMe PLACe]].
* [[Michael_Snyder_is_ColdHearted_and_Mean|Trying to get unbanned from the GAMe PLACe]].
* Anything slightly inconvenient.
* Anything that Autism isn't an excuse for.

==Things that relieve Chris's stress==
* [[Mass debating]].<ref>[[Chris Sex Logs#I am perverted]]</ref>
* Having a sweetheart resetting his [[biological clock]].
* The prospect of having a "sex time."

==Things Christian does whilst stressed==
[[File:Schu11Placeholder.jpg|thumb|One of the more common symptoms of stress.]]
* [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|Shits himself]].
* Cries.
* Becomes less/more productive than usual.
* Rages about his "pitiful adult life" in YouTube videos.
* Rages at his [[Mailbag|mailers]].
* Sends [[death threats]].
* Abuses his [[PSEye|cameras]].
* Crashes Into Slumber.
* Becomes increasingly homophobic.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref>
* Becomes increasingly racist.<ref>Chris Drops the N-Bomb</ref><ref>[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]</ref>
* [[Stress sigh|Sighs excessively]].
* Suffers from [[Sports bra|memory loss]].
* Draws hideous hardcore pornography of his friends and furry avatars.<ref>[[Mailbag 42]]</ref>

==Sauces==
<references />

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Stress

2010-07-08T22:49:26Z

Hamsterjelly:

[[Image:Stress.jpg|thumb|right|Chris in stressed mode.]]

{{quote|Stress hinders the emotions and physical abiltites as swiftly as a bullet.|Chris, equating "stress" with being shot<ref name="IRC" />}}

'''Stress''' is the bane of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s existence.

When pressed on his "high-functioning" autism and eventually learning that he cannot get away with blaming everything on said [[autism]], Chris discovered that "stress" works just as well. However, it's assumed that Chris could be confusing "stress" with "depression", refusing to admit that he is in fact, unhappy with his current situation, as well as the fact that Chris has never experienced actual stress in his life apart from his consistent paranoia over getting trolled.

When under the effects of stress, Chris will typically post videos without his glasses and talk in a more meek variation of his usual monotone speaking voice. It is during these periods of feeling stressed that Chris will opt to remove himself from the internet for about a week or so, and then come back feeling refreshed, rejuvenated and given a new resolve to finish the [[Love Quest]], usually accompanied by his latest [[Troll|sweet heart]]. This is most likely due to his autistic regenerative abilities that make sure that his heart never goes below 0% and into the negatives.

==Things that give Christian stress==

* Bullies.<ref name="IRC" />
* [[Trolls]].
* People at [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]].<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]</ref>
* "[A] father who starts more arguements than there are flies at a garbage dump".<ref name="IRC">[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref>
* A [[Bob|father]] who doesn't wash his hands.<ref name="IRC20081231" />
* [[Pickles]].
* [[Wendy's|Getting a job]].
* Anything requiring him to leave the house.
* Doing any chores in the [[house]].<ref name="IRC" />
* The existence of [[ED|webpages]] [[CWCki|outlining]] his many [[fail]]ures.
* [[Boyfriend-free girl|Asking girls to go out with him]].
* [[Autistic|His "mental block" of autism]].
* [[Chris and his Ego|Talking to anyone about anything except himself]].
* Being told things he doesn't like to hear.
* Having drawings of him finger-banging [[Megan]] confused with [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]].
* [[Jimmy Hill|Copyright Issues]].
* [[Homo|His daily struggle against becoming homosexual]].
* Being accused of homosexuality.
* [[Gay4Sonichu|His characters being accused of homosexuality]].
* [[Blanca|Finding out his internet girlfriend broke up with him because of the Pickle Man]].<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate October 21st, 2008]]</ref>
* [[PandaHalo|Finding out his internet girlfriend died in a brushfire]].
* [[Sarah Jackson|Finding out his internet girlfriend was killed by Optimus Prime in a tragic car accident]].
* [[Julie|Finding out his internet girlfriend is a 13 year old boy]].
* [[Ivy|Finding out his internet girlfriend doesn't exist]].
* [[Kacey|Finding out his internet girlfriend is marrying someone else]].
* People [[Chris and death|dying]].<ref name="IRC" />
* Finding out that [[Emily|his date]] was a mole working for The [[Man in the Pickle Suit]].
* Being famous.<ref name="IRC20081231">[[IRC (31 December 2008)]]</ref>
* Being [[Asperchu|parodied]].
* Being [[Chris and his ego|criticized]] or [[White knight|corrected]].
* Being [[friend zone]]d.
* Having his identity [[CChanSonichuCWC|questioned]].
* [[Megan|His hormones]].<ref>[[Megan E-mails#Chris continues bothering her about ED|Megan E-mails]]</ref>
* Being [[List of places that have banned Chris|banned]] from [[the GAMe PLACe]].
* [[Michael_Snyder_is_ColdHearted_and_Mean|Trying to get unbanned from the GAMe PLACe]].
* Anything slightly inconvenient.
* Anything that Autism isn't an excuse for.

==Things that relieve Chris's stress==
* [[Mass debating]].<ref>[[Chris Sex Logs#I am perverted]]</ref>
* Having a sweetheart resetting his [[biological clock]].
* The prospect of having a "sex time."

==Things Christian does whilst stressed==
[[File:Schu11Placeholder.jpg|thumb|One of the more common symptoms of stress.]]
* [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|Shits himself]].
* Cries.
* Becomes less/more productive than usual.
* Rages about his "pitiful adult life" in YouTube videos.
* Rages at his [[Mailbag|mailers]].
* Sends [[death threats]].
* Abuses his [[PSEye|cameras]].
* Crashes Into Slumber.
* Becomes increasingly homophobic.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref>
* Becomes increasingly racist.<ref>Chris Drops the N-Bomb</ref><ref>[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]</ref>
* [[Stress sigh|Sighs excessively]].
* Suffers from [[Sports bra|memory loss]].
* Draws hideous hardcore pornography of his friends and furry avatars.<ref>[[Mailbag 42]]</ref>

==Sauces==
<references />

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Anchuent Prophecy

2010-07-06T03:33:30Z

Hamsterjelly:

The '''Anchuent Prophecy''' of the [[Cherokian Clan]] is one of the central plot points of the entire ''[[Sonichu]]'' comic series, often being used to explain many fantastical developments in the story. Primarily, the prophecy explains why Christian Chandler and every other human being in the comic can transform into furries. While the prophecy originally concerned [[Chris]], [[Sarah]], and [[Wes]]'s relationship, as the series progressed all non-Chris details were essentially ignored or forgotten. The prophecy is also important because it renders [[Sonichu]] (the supposed main character of the comic) even more pointless, firmly establishing him as simply the "electric creature", whose only purpose is to help Chris unlock superpowers for himself. Well, ''more'' superpowers, as he was already capable of using [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Satanic Voodoo Powers]].

Long thought to be a retarded typo, its consistency has eventually led to the realization that it's probably supposed to be a magnificently retarded "[[Pikachu]]" pun. Why or how the Cherokee would make a pun on the English word "ancient" and the Japanese word "chu" (onomatopoeia for "squeak") is unclear.

==Discovery==
The prophecy was brought to light when [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] happened upon the Destiny Cave, prompting the old man dwelling there to remark that Sonichu was "the creature of the prophecy." Learning that it was his destiny to enter the cave and learn of the prophecy, Chris accompanied Sonichu back to the cave, where he learned that Sonichu had inadvertently set off events releasing [[Count Graduon]], an evil spirit locked away for centuries by the Cherokee and Wasabi clans.

==Details of the prophecy==

According to the keeper of the Destiny Cave:

{{quote|It was prophecized by the ancient masters that [[Christian Weston Chandler|the reincarnation]] of [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|our leader]] will take pen in hand to combine a [[Pikachu|mouse]] and a [[Sonic the Hedgehog|hedgehog]], and give birth to [[Sonichu (character)|a new electric creature]]! Then the leader will place his hand-made [[medallion]] on the pedestal, and [[comeuppance|release]] the powers that were [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|his]]! As well as his [[Saramah Rosechu|lady's]] and [[Wes-Li Sonichu|rival's]] powers. The powers will transform you all into the electric creatures, with variable powers of good, bad, and peace! Also, [[Count Graduon|an evil]] will strike the day the original electrical creature finds the cave; only the released powers can defeat the evil!}}

Yes, that's right: the act of Chris and Sonichu showing up at the cave to hear about the prophecy in the first place is what allows the evil to escape. If they had just sealed up the damn cave there wouldn't have been any problem, but that would also mean Chris wouldn't gain the ability to turn into a furry.

Recognizing that the ancient evil could only be defeated by powers at his command, Chris fulfilled his part of the prophecy by placing his Sonichu medallion on the pedestal, allowing the old man to say the incantation that would activate the medallion as well as the Fireshock Pendant and Lightning Bracelets. These three totems would now give their rightful bearers the power to become electric hedgehogs like Sonichu. The reincarnation of the Cherokian king, Christian, could now become [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]. The reincarnation of his queen, Sarah Hammer, received the Lightning Bracelets and became [[Saramah Rosechu]]. The leader of the [[Wasabi Clan]], who had been Cherokian leader's romantic rival, was now Chris's rival [[Wes Iseli]], and so he accepted the Fireshock Pendant and became [[Wes-Li Sonichu]].

Initially the three prophecized electric creatures were unaware of one another's human identities, until Wes-Li attacked Chris-Chan out of spite for issues both in the present day (their mutual interest in Sarah Hammer's affections) and the ancient past (the ownership of the Cherokian crown). The prophecy would go on to accurately describe how Saramah would have to bring peace to Wes-Li and Chris-Chan so that they could present a united front against Graduon.

==Dream sibling==
When Chris was ambushed by the [[W-M-Manajerk]] at McDonald's, he received another vision of his Cherokian ancestor advising him to combine the powers of Chris-Chan Sonichu with the [[Heart Torch]] he constructed from [[Pixelblocks]]. In this way Chris would be able to summon his dream sibling, who could assist him even more than his mother. Following his ancestor's instructions, Chris used Heart-Torch Glow to manifest his twin sister, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal]] and the Rosechu medallion she could use to become [[Crystalina Rosechu]]. Joining forces as [[Chrs-Chan Pure]], they defeated the W-M Manajerk and made the city safe for lovers.

==Fine print==
{{quote|When the original medal is submerged in darkness, the dark medal will appear, and he who's name is reverse, will transform into the ultimate dark being.}}

This additional detail in the prophecy went unnoticed by Christian, much to his dismay when he learned that his mishap in Graduon's Dark Mirror Hole allowed Naitsirhc Giovanni to transform into [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]], one of his deadliest enemies.

==See also:==
*[[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]]
*[[Cherokian Clan]]
*[[Cherokian Crown]]
*[[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]
*[[Crystal Weston Chandler]]
*[[Queen of the Cherokee Clan]]
*[[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]]
*[[Sarhamah Rosechu]]
*[[Wasabi Clan]]
*[[Wes-Li Sonichu]]

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Comic|Anchuent Prophecy]]
[[Category:Plot Devices]]