CWCki - User contributions [en]

Talk:Lars Call

2010-11-10T02:05:52Z

Hans Gruber:

==Transcription==
I'll start from 10 minutes in case anyone is working on this and hasn't mentioned it. If you're having problems getting the .wav file to play then rename it with an .mp3 extension. --[[User:Digital|Digital]] 13:23, 6 November 2010 (PDT)
:The file should open with VLC, MPC or even Windows Media Player if you're having trouble. Winamp doesn't wanna play ball. Also we'll likely have to split up the transcript over a few pages, owing to the length of the audio. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 15:15, 6 November 2010 (PDT)
:I'll go ahead and transcript the first ten minutes then.--[[User:Joson|Joson]] 20:17, 6 November 2010 (PDT)
I thought a summary was needed, in case people didn't want to listen to the whole thing--[[User:CaseHa|CaseHa]] 16:41, 6 November 2010 (PDT)
:Jesus, ya'll could have gotten a legitimate niggo to call Chris :( [[User:Fatniggo|Fatniggo]]
:: Yeah, really. (I know, I know, not a fucking forum) --[[User:Thompson|Thompson]] 16:51, 7 November 2010 (PST)
::: HEY IF YOU KNOW, GOD DAMN IT. also, all of them didn't want to fuck it up, all two of them. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 18:43, 7 November 2010 (PST)
Ahh, so this boat thing WAS referring to model boats, not actual boats. --[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 11:58, 8 November 2010 (PST)

I know Chris shits himself sometime towards the end but I don't know where. I'm too lazy to listen to the call again. Could someone who hasn't heard it please note it when he shits himself?--[[User:Hans Gruber|Hans Gruber]] 18:05, 9 November 2010 (PST)

Talk:Julie Reveals Herself

2010-10-31T08:27:35Z

Hans Gruber:

==To do==
At first, I was hesitant and just thought it should go in Julie. Then I saw it wasn't part of the Mumble Chats we had and in any case, could use transcription or at least a thorough description of the events as they transpired.

So yeah, transcribe and describe. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 10:39, 19 April 2009 (CEST)

Categorize this shit, double check that it's complete, and make it so it looks like the other chats.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:50, 14 November 2009 (CET)
* Done. Is the troll at the end, the one who keeps telling BlueSpike to shut up, anybody in particular? Somebody who knows better than me might correct that label if they're so inclined. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 06:10, 15 November 2009 (CET)
*Dude, that was Clyde. Seriously, did no one else hear it? I just fixed it though.--[[User:Hans Gruber|Hans Gruber]] 01:27, 31 October 2010 (PDT)
== Seriously? ==

Fuck, somebody better have this. This shit is important. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000]] 01:59, 11 May 2010 (UTC)
:I Agree, the concept of Chris falling for a 13 year old boy in disguise is funny, But actualy reading this makes me feel unfomfortable, it kinda reveals that chris isent actualy as perverted as he seems, he might just be immensly gullible. Bluespike doesent actualy appear that clever or funny hes just some sort of noob from hell
:I :I That kids a sick fuck. Some of these guys are seriously going to have trouble coming to terms with pulling this shit when they're older.

== Minor find ==

* I found part of the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xo3SAwefBM&feature=player_embedded audio](specifically, the bit where Julie reveals herself up to the point where BlueSpike tells Chris he'll call Chris Hansen and shit) and I'll contact the person who put it up on Youtube to ask if they have the rest or whatever.
*EDIT:Youtube account has been inactive for about a year now, however, through the account owner's(innactive)[http://us.bebo.com/Profile.jsp?MemberId=6715062202 Bebo] account, I've found a [http://us.bebo.com/Profile.jsp?MemberId=2240523057 person]likely to be the same person. If anyone has a Bebo account, please attempt to contact this person on my behalf.-[[User:Hiiro|Hiiro]] 02:23, 25 May 2010 (UTC)

== Major find ==

* [http://www.youtube.com/user/cwcfanb0y]

This guy has the entire chat on his channel. Now we have to convert the videos to .oggs and assemble them into one file. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 20:23, 29 May 2010 (UTC)

<s>* I can download them as mp3 then assemble them in GarageBand, not tonight but hopefully this weekend. [[User:Mellowyellowsalvation|Mellowyellowsalvation]] 22:22, 10 June 2010 (UTC)
** I don't see the point in keeping the video when it's audio only accompanied by one picture of CWC.[[User:Mellowyellowsalvation|Mellowyellowsalvation]] 21:50, 15 June 2010 (UTC)</s>
*** Done. [[User:Mellowyellowsalvation|Mellowyellowsalvation]] 02:39, 17 June 2010 (UTC)

== Working out unintelligibles. ==

"I see a [unintelligible] of a man." Might be "silhouetto," like the Queen song "Bohemian Rhapsody." [[User:DonnieDarko|DonnieDarko]] 23:29, 15 June 2010 (UTC)DonnieDarko

Julie Reveals Herself

2010-10-31T08:25:54Z

Hans Gruber:

In this transcript, '''Julie''' is revealed.

==Description==
After being deceived by [[Max]] earlier in the day, Chris retreated to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|lick his wounds]]. However, they would cross paths one last time later that night in this hour long [[Mumble]] chat, where Max continued his onslaught on the [[Chris|manchild]]. He threatened to sell Chris's [[PSN]] account on eBay several times, going so far to even allow all the proceeds to go directly to [[4-cent_garbage.com|4chan]] as well as [[ED]]. He also threatened to send Julie back to Europe, forced Chris declare [[BILLY MAYS]] as the new mayor of [[CWCville]], and have Chris put in jail. But the icing on the cake was when Max made Chris destroy his precious [[medallion]] and shove it up his ass. After it was all said and done, Max kept true to his promise and let Julie talk to Chris. Little did Chris know that Julie had a [[BlueSpike|little surprise]] for him.

It should be noted that [[Clyde Cash]] and several other [[The Miscreants|trolls]] were monitoring the entire Mumble conversation. Needless to say, the trolls were disgusted and horrified with BlueSpike's evil requests of Chris. Because of these acts, the following day on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], an explosive troll war took place because of BlueSpike's actions. (See [[BlueSpike|this article]] for more information.)

==Transcript==

===eBay. No. eBay. No. (0:00-11:16)===
'''Max:''' Christian Chandler, hello!
 '''Chris:''' Hello.
 '''Max:''' Aw, why so down in the dumps?
 '''Chris:''' Come on, you know why.
 '''Max:''' Why? Tell me!
 '''Chris:''' Because you stole my PSN, you stole my Yahoo!, and you're making me choose between all that and my girlfriend.
 '''Max:''' And what did you pick? Tell me.
 '''Chris:''' Picked Julie.
 '''Max:''' Chris...
 '''Chris:''' 'Cause I love her.
 '''Max:''' ...let me tell you right now, Julie isn't that good of a girl. I'll give you one last chance to pick. Make your choice in 5 seconds: Julie or everything else.
 '''Chris:''' Wait what you say, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, go ba—what you say?
 '''Max:''' No, I'm not going to go back. No.
 '''Chris:''' I want Julie.
 '''Max:''' Really? You sincerely mean it?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Well, if you don't yell at me one more time you're not going to get either, so start yelling. I want to see your fangs! [''maniacal laughter''] Are you constipated? [''high-pitched squealing in delight''] I think you're constipated. Christian takes a dump... Oh, look out, he's reachin' Super Saiyan. You're not mad, you pathetic wimp.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry constipated sound'']
 '''Max:''' You disgust me! Oh, why don't you smack the webcam around some. You're a bitch. You're not going to get my sister that way.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Alright, fine. You wanted me to get—you want me to get angry, I got angry.
 '''Max:''' That's not angry, you're a—you're a pussy. That's not angry. You're not going to get your PSN if you act like that.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no.
 '''Max:''' No. It's going on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No, you leave it off!
 '''Max:''' Yes! eBay!
 '''Chris:''' No! No. Look. Alright, look, just, no, no.
 '''Max:''' [''laughter''] eBay... eBay...
 '''Chris:''' No! No! Stop. Stop it.
 '''Max:''' Why should I stop?
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sighs'']
 '''Max:''' Why should I stop?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Stop. I want Julie.
 '''Max:''' Why? Why should I stop? You're getting Julie already. Why do you need the PSN?
 '''Chris:''' [''multiple sighs'']
 '''Max:''' Face it, Chris, it's mine.
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm not, no, no, no. No.
 '''Max:''' No matter how many times you say no like that, it's not going to change it.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Aw, are you down in the dumps? Hey, Chris, something that will help you get the PSN. Say something for me.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Max:''' Say "buhbuhbyenoes."
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, repeat that?
 '''Max:''' Say that "I'm a homo."
 '''Chris:''' [''grudgingly and incoherently''] ermnahomo...
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] N-No! Say it loud and proud and do pelvic thrusts.
 '''Chris:''' [''muffled''] ermahomo...
 '''Max:''' Oh! That's not going to get the PSN!
 '''Chris:''' I'm a hommomu-
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' Eithe—then say it louder.
 '''Chris:''' [''screams''] I AM A HOMO!
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Yes.
 '''Chris:''' No! No, no!
 '''Max:''' [''mockingly''] No, that's not okay, mommy. Yes, it's going on eBay, boy.
 '''Chris:''' No. You have got—No no no! No, don't you dare!
 '''Max:''' Why don't you call me a fucking...whatever you call me. Start swearing before I change my mind.
 '''Chris:''' ...rrRRRRGHHH YOU FUCKING SUCK SO HARD!
 '''Max:''' And you're a fucking homo. What's the difference? That you're the homo. Come on, prove me wrong, prove me wrong that you're a little pussy, come on.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry muffled noise'']
 '''Max:''' Oh, I'm making the manchild—are you fucking serious, manchild? That's not gonna—you're, you're just, you just really are dumb. It-it's going on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No! No! No!
 '''Max:''' [laughing] Yes.
 '''Chris:''' You leave it off of eBay.
 '''Max:''' eBay! Yes, yes.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' You stop.
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' Stop.
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' Stop!
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' STOOOOOP!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Why don't you give me the fucky finger while you're at it?
 '''Chris:''' Stop it, I dunno, look, look, look—
 '''Max:''' Alright, listen, listen, look, I'm willing to make a deal. Okay? Can you calm down and sit down please?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Alright. Now I want you to know that I'm sorry, and I'm putting it on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' You're not putting it on eBay.
 '''Max:''' Yeah, yeah, yes I am.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' What, what, Chris? What are you going to do, show your fangs?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' It's going on eBay. Like it or not, that's final.
 '''Chris:''' No, no. Stop.
 '''Max:''' No. No, I'm opening eBay right now. eBay. Look, eBay. [''keys clicking''] eBay dot com.
 '''Chris:''' Stop. Stop. Stop!
 '''Max:''' Start auction...
 '''Chris:''' No, stop! What do you want?
 '''Max:''' I want to sell your PSN on the—
 '''Chris:''' [''pitch rising, he's getting desperate''] I, I picked Julie for you! I picked Julie. I picked Julie! Gimme back! Gimme, gimme back, gimme! I made the right choice, give it—
 '''Max:''' No, you picked Julie, that doesn't mean you're going to get the PSN if you pick Julie.
 '''Chris:''' Look, please. Alright fine, listen, listen—
 '''Max:''' Start auction...
 '''Chris:''' No stop, stop, just listen to me, please.
 '''Max:''' Umm, how should I label this? Oh! A thousand dollars worth of PSN.
 '''Chris:''' Stop! Stop!
 '''Max:''' Hacked by Max Milvana.
 '''Chris:''' Stop. Stop.
 '''Max:''' Starting bid... a hundred fifty, no, one thousand fifty.
 '''Chris:''' Stop. Stop. Listen to me. Listen to me. You can have my PSN account!
 '''Max:''' I can have it?
 '''Chris:''' But just, but just leave it off of eBay!
 '''Max:''' Okay!
 '''Chris:''' [''high-pitched''] Take it, you take it! You take it! Just, just leave it off eBay please!
 '''Max:''' It's all mine and you can have Julie. We are agreeing?
 '''Chris:''' [''pause, sigh''] Yes, but please just don't sell it on eBay.
 '''Max:''' Why not? Why shouldn't I sell it on eBay, because I'm about to. Tell me why.
 '''Chris:''' Because you have all those games to download, that's like—
 '''Max:''' I already downloaded them, numbnuts!
 '''Chris:''' How many gigabytes does your PlayStation 3 have?
 '''Max:''' What? I think it's like an 80 gigabyte, it came with ''Metal Gear Solid'', so...
 '''Chris:''' [''self-satisfied sigh''] For all the games I have on my PSN account, it's gonna require more than 80 gigabytes I'll tell you what.
 '''Max:''' Whatever, I'm gonna sell it anyway, I have everything that I want.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, no. What if you want to redownload that stuff?
 '''Max:''' Uh...no, I don't think I would. Nice try, though.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Let's see...I think I might have a friend in New Brunswick that wants this, I don't know.
 '''Chris:''' No. No. No.
 '''Max:''' Where's my phone, oh here it is. [''dials'']
 '''Chris:''' Listen, listen, you, you, you keep my account, okay, you keep my account and—
 '''Max:''' And I'll put it on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' —leave it alone. No.
 '''Max:''' No, I'm gonna put it on eBay. Actually, I'm going to give it to Liquid Snake. I'm going to give it to Liquid Snake and he's going to defile your name.
 '''Chris:''' No, leave it off, no, no. No!
 '''Max:''' I'm going to give it to 4chan, how about that?
 '''Chris:''' [''screaming'']
 '''Max:''' [''laughs''] I'm going to give it to 4-cent-garbage and Encyclopedia Dramatica. They're both going to get it, it's mine! They're all going to have it! All of your money's donating to that, they're going to sell it and it's going to go right to ED.
 '''Chris:''' Stop, stop, stop.
 '''Max:''' Donation: $1000, by Christian Weston Chandler!
 '''Chris:''' [''getting louder''] No just stop just sto—p!
 '''Max:''' Yeah, why don't you yell some louder, why don't you yell, why don't you wake the dead with your howl, like... Come on, I want you to yell. Yell as loud as you possibly can and I'll give you the PSN, no strings attached.
 '''Chris:''' [''yells''] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
 '''Max:''' You, you yell like a pussy.
 '''Chris:''' [''yells''] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
 '''Max:''' You're a bitch, yell louder.
 '''Chris:''' [''yells''] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
 '''Max:''' Uh-oh. I won't like you when you're mad. Oh, wait, I do because it's pretty fucking funny to watch your dumb ass. Hey, Chris. Here, I'll give you the PSN if you can do one thing.
 '''Chris:''' Alright...
 '''Max:''' Suck my dick.
 '''Chris:''' How can I do you—how can I do yours when you're all the way over there?
 '''Max:''' I'll go all the way to Virginia. Will you do it? Will you suck a dick? No, wait, even better. No, I want you to go to the Game Place, apologize to the manager, and suck HIS dick, and I want you to record it, and put it on YouTube.
 '''Chris:''' Aaaaah. Please, don't be, don't be such a meanie.
 '''Max:''' Oh, "meanie"? Fuck you! Suck your manager's dick.
 '''Chris:''' Look, look, listen, alright, listen, just listen.
 '''Max:''' Listen to what?
 '''Chris:''' Max, Max you are a great being, you are, you're a humble person, please. I'm only a lowly—I'm only a lowly servant among your tressels.
 '''Max:''' [''disbelieving''] Wha...uh...
 '''Chris:''' I only ask you, I only ask for your sister's true love and honesty.
 '''Max:''' Sh-shut up! You can have, you can have my sister. You just can't have the PSN. Keep her.
 '''Chris:''' But listen, I—
 '''Max:''' No, eBay. That's it, I'm putting it on eBay. I-I'm not listening to you anymore. I'm putting it on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No, stop, look, I'm putting myself—I'm putting yourself on your mercy here, please just leave my, just leave it off of eBay!
 '''Max:''' Fine, do a dance. Do a dance for me. Dance you fucking monkey! Dance! Dance you fucking monkey! [''squeaks/laughs''] Alright, you—stop, dude. Stop, right now. Now dance like Michael Jackson.
 '''Chris:''' [''makes panting sounds, presumably dancing'']
 '''Max:''' [laughing] Oh, what the fuck? Oh, don't, no, don't, oh, no more! No more. When you grabbed your crotch, that was enough. Hey Chris, can I tell you a secret?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No!
 '''Max:''' Yes!
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' I'm going to go over to my computer right now. Start auction.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' Yup. Yup. Start auction. Let's see, thousand dollar worth PSN account hacked...I'm going to start the bid at five hundred dollars.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] You win. Win. I give up.
 '''Max:''' What? I win? It's mine?.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, but just don't sell it on eBay. Please?
 '''Max:''' It's gone.
 '''Chris:''' Look, you can have it, you can—
 '''Max:''' I have a better idea. How about I give it to ED?
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' And they slander your precious little name all over the floor, with the cat crap you slip on. How does that sound, Chris? You fucking dumb fuck.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

===Chris holds Max at Duck point (11:16-14:00)===
'''Max:''' What are you going to do, mope? Why don't you show some fucking anger like a man? You fucking pussy. Come on. No, no, "but" nothing, you're a bitch.
 '''Chris:''' No...
 '''Max:''' No, sit right there, like a bitch, you stink like a bitch, you have the boobs of a bitch, and you look like a bitch. And I bet you don't even have a dick down there, you ''are'' a bitch. You've got a big old set of... ovaries... NO! NO, NO! DON'T! Ok. Ok. Ok. You have a dick, you have a dick! Don't fucking SHOW me, you pedo...fork. What the fuck is wrong with you, trying to show me that? Look, I can report you to the cops right now for illegal indecent exposure or some shit. I don't know. DON'T EVEN...
 '''Chris:''' Nothing was actu—
 '''Max:''' Don't...
 '''Chris:''' —nothing was actually exposed.
 '''Max:''' Well, whatever. Don't show me your dick, please. Just, just don't.
 '''Chris:''' Fine.
 '''Max:''' That's where I cross the line.
 '''Chris:''' Fine. That's wh-, selling, selling my PSN account on eBay, that's where I cross the line.
 '''Max:''' Well its going on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' You cross that line, I'm crossing this line.
 '''Max:''' It's going on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' You cross that line...
 '''Max:''' No, yeah, go ahead, it's going on eBay no matter what you do. It's going on eBay no matter what you say. You don't even have the balls to do it any more, you pussy. It's going on eBay. It's going on eBay no matter what you do. And if you show me your dick I'm gonna lower it so that any old schmo can get it. So I'd pull those pants right up. It's going on eBay. Uh-huh, eBay, woo-hoo!
 '''Chris:''' Look, okay, no, listen, stop.
 '''Max:''' eBay, eBay, eBay, eBay.
 '''Chris:''' You take it off of Ebay and I'll pull my pants back up—
 '''Max:''' No. It's, it's already on Ebay. It's already on. I actually fucking got a bid already, I-I already got a bid. I can't believe it. I'm giving it to this guy. It's gone. Going, going, gone.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Why do you keep using the hand sanitizer, you stupid fuck? Wait, wait. Move over to the chair for a minute? There's something behind you, move so that I can see behind you... Oh! That's the cup from Target, isn't it?
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' What is it then?
 '''Chris:''' It's the...it's a McDonald's tea cup!
 '''Max:''' Oh, I figured it would be McDonald's. That's why you're so fat. You got some man-tits going on, big jiggly. Cover that shit up, I don't want to see it. Chris, you are at my beck and call. I would cover that shit up before I get too disgusted. Alright, now I'm going to take it off eBay, but if you yell at me once, it's going on eBay for one dollar.
 '''Chris:''' Wait. What?
 '''Max:''' And if you fucking start with me one more time it's going on eBay for a dollar.

===No Julie, Dance like a Gay Man(14:00-15:38)===
'''Max:''' Hey, can I tell you a secret?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Max:''' I actually... I'm not going to send Julie over there anyway. I'm not going to help her to see you.
 '''Chris:''' No. No. You stop. Y-y-y-we had an agreement. I picked Julie!
 '''Max:''' Really?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Well she's going to have to find her own way over there, 'cause I'm not helping.
 '''Chris:''' No! You-you help her over here...
 '''Max:''' [''drowning out Chris''] Make me! Why don't you make me? Make me! Unless you can positively disgust me, you're not going to make me.
 '''Chris:''' Unless I can positively disgust you?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, which you already do, so...
 '''Chris:''' Look, please, I'm, I'm begging, I'm begging you, I'm begging here, you actually need to send Julie over here, please—
 '''Max:''' No, how about you suck a dick? Suck a dick, and take one in your ass. I am not gonna give Julie the money unless you can persuade me.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' How about, Chris—
 '''Chris:''' I throw myself, I throw myself on your mercy, please.
 '''Max:''' I can't even see you.
 '''Chris:''' I throw myself on your mercy, please.
 '''Max:''' ...Nah. How about you do me a favor? Dance again. Dance, for my amusement. Dance like a gay man.
 '''Chris:''' [makes shuffling sounds]
 '''Max:''' Alright, you know, I should have just said do the dance like...Chris? Can I tell you something? Did you kill a horse jockey for that shirt?
 '''Chris:''' No, Goodwill.

===Medallion or PSN?(15:38-18:14)===
'''Max:''' Yeah. Hey, I have a question? Why aren't you wearing your medallion?
 '''Chris:''' [''exasperated sigh''] Because I promised you that I wouldn't wear it.
 '''Max:''' Put it on, right now. Actually, no, get it really quickly, because I have to tell you something. If you want your PSN account, you're going to have to burn it. Burn the medallion, and earn a PS3. A PSN account. What's it gonna be? Your woman and your PSN, or, no, no, no. I'm not going to give you that... Uh, anyway, just burn your medallion.
 '''Chris:''' No, wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop. You told me—
 '''Max:''' No, no, I'm not going to get into it, just burn your medallion and we'll see what happens.
 '''Chris:''' I might—
 '''Max:''' You might get your PSN if you burn your medallion.
 '''Chris:''' What about Julie?
 '''Max:''' You'll get her. You'll get her no matter what you do, unless you take the PSN, then you won't get Julie.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' I want you to burn your medallion, in your hand. Do it.
 '''Chris:''' Hang on, I'm getting it.
 '''Max:''' Are you seriously thinking that I'm going to fall for any of your shit today? 'Cause let me tell you shithead, I'm not.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'm getting it, okay? It's up here...
 '''Max:''' Oh, oh! And one, one more thing? Hey Chris, I want—I want you to jizz on it before you burn it. [''laughs'']
 '''Chris:''' Jizz?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, and, oh, and say one thing for me really quickly? Say that Billy Mays is the Mayor of CWCville. Say it. Say it.
 '''Chris:''' Wait a minute. What does jizz mean?
 '''Max:''' Oh, "what does jizz mean?" I'm telling you to mass debate on it, you stupid dick.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Look, do it so that I can't see you, and really quickly, really quickly Chris? Yell one thing for me really loudly. Can you do this? Say that Billy Mays is the Mayor of CWCville.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Yell it. Yell it loud.
 '''Chris:''' Billy Mays?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, Billy Mays. Say it.
 '''Chris:''' Who the hell is he? 
 '''Max:''' Billy Mays is the Mayor of CWCville. Say it before I sell your fucking PSN!
 '''Chris:''' [''long pause'']
 '''Max:''' Yell it. Yell it as loud as you fucking can.
 '''Chris:''' [''more silence'']
 '''Max:''' Come on, autism mental block. What, what the fuck's wrong with you? What are you doing? Stop that. Put your hands at your sides soldier.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I don't want my PSN any more. Go ahead, sell it on eBay, I don't care.
 '''Max:''' Alright, I'm going to.
 '''Chris:''' Go ahead.
 '''Max:''' I'm gonna sell it. And I'm going to give all the money to ED.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

===Medallion, Jizz, or Julie? (18:14-20:40)===
'''Max:''' Chris. Do what I want...or I'm not going to send Julie over there, how about that?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' That's a good boy.
 '''Chris:''' No, you're sending Julie over here.
 '''Max:''' No, no, no, if you do what I want. There are two things I want. First, this is the easy one, shout at the top of your lungs, "Billy Mays is the new Mayor of CWCville." Come on. Do it!
 '''Chris:''' [''in a droning voice''] Billy Mays is the new Mayor of CWCville.
 '''Max:''' Louder, you fucking pussy.
 '''Chris:''' [''slightly louder''] Billy Mays is the new Mayor of CWCville.
 '''Max:''' Stop saying it in your fucking dumbass voice, you stupid bitch. I'm not going to send Julie over there if you use that voice again.
 '''Chris:''' [''sighs, raises his voice''] Billy Mays IS the new Mayor of CWCville!
 '''Max:''' Yeah, and also say that "Christian Chandler will be thrown in jail! CWCville jail."
 '''Chris:''' And Christian Chandler will be thrown in CWCville jail.
 '''Max:''' "Where he will be raped by a bunch of niggers!" Say this one really loud.
 '''Chris:''' Where he will be raped by a bunch of...nnniggos.
 '''Max:''' [''giggling''] No, say "niggers" you stupid twat.
 '''Chris:''' Niggers.
 '''Max:''' Louder.
 '''Chris:''' [''loudly''] Niggers.
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Louder.
 '''Chris:''' Don't...don't trust them new niggers over there!
 '''Max:''' No! No, shut up. You ruined that fucking joke. Now, Chris. I want you to do this for me. Burn. Your. Medallion! Burn it... No, no, no, no, no. Mass debate on it first, then burn it.
 '''Chris:''' [''voice shaking''] I'd rather just burn it please...
 '''Max:''' No! You have to mass debate on it, then burn it.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry''] I can't get a hard one while I'm under a lot of stress!
 '''Max:''' Well, I know, I know something that will help you get a hard-on. Just think of men's dicks, that'll probably help.
 '''Chris:''' No!
 '''Max:''' [laughing] Yes!
 '''Chris:''' Just the opposite!
 '''Max:''' Oh, yeah, uh, yeah, men's balls, sorry, men's balls.
 '''Chris:''' That's not the opposite, I—that's not the opposite too.
 '''Max:''' You're right. Men's butts.
 '''Chris:''' [''enraged''] THAT IS EVEN WORSE!
 '''Max:''' Oh, you're right. Men's faces.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry growling noises'']
 '''Max:''' Those persuasive eyes, they're going to you. Lusting. Lusting for you.
 '''Chris:''' [''screaming''] THEY ARE NOT—YOU ARE NOT DOING ME ANY GOOD! I HAVE TO PICTURE A WOMAN!
 '''Max:''' You're gonna stick it in your, you're gonna stick in your butt, you're gonna stick in your butt, oh oh, what what, in the butt!

===Losing the plot (20:40-22:03)===
'''Max:''' Yeah, whatever, just burn your medallion. But you have to be holding it while you burn it. No, put the medallion right there where I can see it.
 '''Chris:''' [''pissed off''] I gotta get a match or something.
 '''Max:''' Fine, make sure you light one where I can see it. Now I want you to put it in your hand, I wanna see you get burned. You fucking dick, I want to see you see you get burned! I wanna see you get a fuckin' third degree burn. [''screaming''] I WANNA SEE YOU LOSE A FUCKING FINGER! Oh, and after, after you, uh, after you, uh, burn it? Shove it up your ass.
 '''Chris:''' [''silence'']
 '''Max:''' How does that sound, Chris? Sound like your idea of a good time?
 '''Chris:''' [''long pause'']
 '''Max:''' Hey Chris?
 '''Chris:''' [''still silence'']
 '''Max:''' Chris, wait. It's important. Dammit, listen. You can burn the medallion or shove it up your butt, make your choice.
 '''Chris:''' [''silence'']
 '''Max:''' Ahh, interrogating autistics, it's so easy, it's so easy, especially with you, Chris. You. Dumb. Fuck. You make it all too easy.
 '''Chris:''' [''long pause'']
 '''Max:''' Christian, if you don't answer me within the next five seconds I am putting it on eBay and not sending Julie over. 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Alright there, I guess, hey, Julie, you're not gettin' the money, because Chris won't answer me.
 '''Max:''' [''the worst girl voice ever''] Oh no!
 '''Max:''' Christian Weston Chandler, listen to me. Listen to me, you fat fucking autistic, before I bust a fucking cap...or something.
 '''Chris:''' [''silence'']
 '''Max:''' Jerk. I mean, you are a jerk.
 '''Chris:''' [''rustling'']

===Wut wut?(22:03-35:20)===
'''Max:''' Come on, Chris. Come on, Chris. You have five seconds before I fucking send my, uh, you have five seconds before I send Julie fucking back to Europe... 5... 4... 3-2-1-oh, too late, going back to Europe, oh yeah. Tell me Chris, I have to tell you one thing first, you have an alternative. Are you ready? Are you listening to me now?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Now you have an alternative: either burn it, or shove it up your butt. [''mocking''] I hate you. Come on, what are you going to do?
 '''Chris:''' ...I'm going to shove it up my butt.
 '''Max:''' You're gonna...you're going to shove it up your butt.
 '''Chris:''' Actually, I thought of another alternative...that's just about as good as one or the other.
 '''Max:''' No, I want you to shove it up your butt and take a picture, that's that.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No.
 '''Max:''' No, no, no. That's what you have to do now, you said it.
 '''Chris:''' You're going to see this.
 '''Max:''' What are you going to show me? What the, what are you going to show me? No, no, no, no, if you burn it I will not send Julie over there. You have to shove it up your butt now. Chris, if you burn it I'll send Julie back to Europe... Don't even. I will send Julie back to Europe. I swear to God on my grandmother. Don't. Do it.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] ...I'll shove it up my butt.
 '''Max:''' Alright, shove it up your—
 '''Chris:''' I'm going to shove it up my butt...but I have to divide it.
 '''Max:''' No. Shove it up your butt, the whole thing. The whole thing!
 '''Chris:''' You want me to shove it up my butt the whole thing?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, and don't, and don't take it out, just shove it up until... Do it in a video.
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing and rustling'']
 '''Max:''' And make sure you take pictures!
 '''Chris:''' [''more rustling'']
 '''Max:''' Oh, get this! [''laughing'']
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing'']
 '''Max:''' Actually Chris, Chris, no, no, no, I decided, yeah, you can cut it up. Then shove it up your butt. I'm sorry for being so picky, you have to cut it up first, so yeah, you can pull your pants right up.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Uhhh-
 '''Max:''' No, better idea! Burn it, then shove it up your butt.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No. Just let me cut it.
 '''Max:''' Fine. Cut it into two. Into two halves, then shove it up your butt.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' No, four pieces, four pieces. I didn't know they let autistics had sharp cutting...
 '''Max:''' [''slips into his Massachusetts accent''] Careful now, don't cut your fingah... Oh, you cut your fingah. Dollas! Oh, no! Police! Help! How does it feel, Chris, to be destroying something you worked so hard on? How's it feel? Tell me, tell me.
 '''Chris:''' [''unintelligible'']
 '''Max:''' How does it feel?
 '''Chris:''' Harsh. Cold.
 '''Max:''' [''mocking''] "Cold."
 '''Chris:''' Heartless.
 '''Max:''' Oh, me? I'm heartless?
 '''Chris:''' No. This act, I'm calling it heartless.
 '''Max:''' Oh you can call me heartless if you want, you can call me any word.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' While you're thinking, this will help, call me a fuckin' douchebag again as loud as you can.
 '''Chris:''' You fucking douchebag!
 '''Max:''' You suck. You suck...niggerdicks. I have a nigger, you know, I have a nigger friend, you want to suck his dick? I have a black friend, Chris, do you want to suck his dick? Yes or no.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' Alright, so you said "yes." I'll call him. Hey Darnell, Darnell, come over here.
 '''Chris:''' No. I said no!
 '''Max:''' This guy wants to suck your dick!
 '''Chris:''' I said NO!
 '''Max:''' Well, I think Darnell is too, umm, I think he likes you. I think you're gonna have to.
 '''Chris:''' I said, I said, I said NO.
 '''Max:''' No you didn't, I, I heard yes, Darnell, Darnell I think he said "yes." He said "yes," Darnell. Yes.
 '''Chris:''' I said no! I said no!
 '''Max:''' Um, fine, shit all over your butt, whatever. Darnell's going to watch though. Darnell likes to watch. Do you want me to shove Darnell out?
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing, grunting'']
 '''Max:''' Come on, cut it! Chris, how about this, also while you're at it, cut your hand. Cut your own hand.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No, this is bad enough.
 '''Max:''' Why won't you cut your hand? I thought you wanted Julie?
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing and rattling'']
 '''Max:''' Alright fine, didn't work, you just shove it up your butt. And make sure you take pictures for posterity.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No problem, I've got the camera on.
 '''Max:''' So, wait, you're recording this too?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' Oh, God! You're recording it, AND you're showing it live. Really?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' That is awesome. Make sure you send it to me on Skype.
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing and rattling'']
 '''Max:''' Wait, are you recording it right now?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' OK, so yeah the camera saw you cutting?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' Alright, that's... wonderful. [''laughs''] Hey, Chris, one last thing. One last thing before you shove it up your butt, can you say one thing?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Max:''' Say that you love fat cocks up your ass.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh, system beep''] Can I talk to Julie?
 '''Max:''' After you do this, yes.
 '''Chris:''' After I shove this up my rump.
 '''Max:''' Up your ass, you have to say "up your ass."
 '''Chris:''' Up my ass.
 '''Max:''' Up your ass.
 '''Chris:''' After I shove this up my ass.
 '''Max:''' Hey Chris, while you shove it up your ass, scream "Zappin' to the extreme!" okay? You have to do this or I won't send Julie over, okay? I wanna see you shove it up there and while you do it say "Zappin' to the extreme!" I want you to shove every piece in there.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' [''singing''] I see a [''unintelligible''] of a man, it's a fat manchild, do-do-doo. [''laughing''] Come on, hurry up. Oh! God it's all up in my face, get it out. Please. Chris, are you really gonna do this, seriously?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Oh Goddammit. Oh Goddammit! Oh, I see brown stains! Did you crap your pants, really?
 '''Chris:''' Maybe.
 '''Max:''' No, no, really. Tell me the, tell me the truth. Did you?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Whatever, just, just, yeah, put it in there. And then take pictures of it. Oh...goodness. This is... Just, just, just hurry up, please, just don't make me watch this for too long please. [''laughing''] Insert Rod A into Slot B. Do it! Come on. More. More. More. More. More. [''laughing''] More. More. More. As far as you possibly can. More.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' More. More. More. More. Until I can't see it. More. Shove it up, shove it up, up, up, up, up, up! More! More! MORE! Yes, yes. Please! Please do continue. Oh, I can't wait to see how brown it is when you take it out. Chris! Is your hand stuck!?
 '''Chris:''' [''groan''] I'm tired.
 '''Max:''' No, keep going, you're not gonna fuckin' chicken out.
 '''Chris:''' [''uncomfortable groaning'']
 '''Max:''' How does this make you feel, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' [''grunt''] Miserable.
 '''Max:''' How miserable?
 '''Chris:''' Totally miserable.
 '''Max:''' Oh really?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' Well, that's too bad!
 '''Chris:''' [''grunting'']
 '''Max:''' Oh, you sound like Chewbacca's taking a shit. [''does a Chewbacca impression'']
 '''Chris:''' [''does his own Chewbacca impression'']
 '''Max:''' No, no, no, no, no. Just, just, just shut up. Shut up.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I stop what?
 '''Max:''' I said shut up, don't, don't even ruin Chewbacca.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' You miserable pile of dick. Err, oh God, more. Shove it until I can't see it. Oh, God, poor Sonichu is going to look like Brownichu.
 '''Troll:''' BLUESPIKE! NO. MORE.
 '''Chris:''' [''groan'']
 '''Max:''' Brown stain Sonichu, with the power to cha-
 '''Chris:''' [''painful groaning'']
 '''Max:''' [''mocking groaning''] Keep going.
 '''Chris:''' [''painful groaning'']
 '''Troll 2:''' Bluespike, stop that shit.
 '''Troll 3:''' This is awful.
 '''Max:''' [''background noise of small dog barking and door shutting'']
 '''Chris:''' [''groaning''] It don't wanna go in.
 '''Max:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' It don't wanna go in. In there.
 '''Max:''' Then keep trying. Make some room in there.
 '''Troll:''' Bluespike, stop this shit.
 '''Chris:''' [''painful grunt'']
 '''Troll:''' Stop it. Really.
 '''Max:''' Alright, fine. Stop.
 '''Chris:''' Stop?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, sure.
 '''Chris:''' [''groan'']
 '''Max:''' Don't take 'em out though, I want them to be in there the whole rest of the time I'm talking to you.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Alright.
 '''Max:''' Now pull your pants up.
 '''Chris:''' One second.
 '''Troll:''' Blue, let him...
 '''Max:''' Yo Chris, this is what I strive for, watching you do this kind of thing is...really disturbing now that I've seen it. [''laughs'']
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Troll:''' Blue, tell him he can take it out.
 '''Troll:''' God dammit, Bluespike. God damn.
 '''Max:''' [''laughs''] That's so heartless. I made him stop, don't worry.
 '''Chris:''' Be right back, excuse me.
 '''Max:''' Chris, what the fuck? Seriously, man?
 '''Chris:''' I just want to wash my hands!
 '''Max:''' No no no, you can't wash your hands. If you wash your hands I will not send Julie to Europe.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' You cannot wash your hands.
 '''Chris:''' I can go wash my hands?
 '''Max:''' No, no, I said don't! Don't!
 '''Chris:''' Sound like one thing you say you do, one thing you say you don't.

===Burn your house down (35:20-37:50)===
'''Max:''' How does it feel, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Terrible.
 '''Max:''' Really? How terrible?
 '''Chris:''' Ass-stinkingly terrible.
 '''Max:''' You're a bitch, you know that, for doing this? Whatever. I wonder, what should I make you do next?
 '''Chris:''' No, this is enough.
 '''Max:''' No, no, no, no, you're not the one making the choices.
 '''Chris:''' [''long sigh''] Enough.
 '''Max:''' Chris how about you, uh... Let's see...what else should you do? Give me a minute to think... Umm...
 '''Chris:''' Please, this is enough. I'm tired, I'm sick—
 '''Max:''' No, no, I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit if you feel tired, you're not the one calling the shots. You fucking prick. So shut up and do what I tell you. Okay? Are we clear?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Yeah. Let's see, what shall I make you do. What should I do to you, Chrissy? What should I do to you? So tell me, what do you want to do?
 '''Chris:''' What do I want to do?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, no, no, no, I mean, what could you do that might amuse me.
 '''Chris:''' What could I do that might amuse you...
 '''Max:''' I have a good idea Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Actually I just thought of something.
 '''Max:''' No, no, I've thought of something. Take out the medallion and burn it.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Well, I don't, I told you I can't, I could not find any matches at this time.
 '''Max:''' No, you didn't tell me, and I don't give a shit. You're not the one making the—go to the store and get some matches then.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Anyway, I've got something for ya. [''sings''] "I'm a little piggy, here's my snout—"
 '''Max:''' No! Shut up, shut up, just shut the fuck up! [''laughs''] Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up! I have a good idea. Burn your house down.
 '''Troll:''' God dammit, you idiot!
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm not going to burn my house down.
 '''Max:''' Then the PSN is going on eBay. And the money is going to ED. And Julie is not coming.
 '''Chris:''' I just want Julie over here.
 '''Max:''' Well, you're not going to get Julie over there unless you burn your house down.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] If I burn my house down then we, then she won't have a place to come to.
 '''Max:''' You have a point, you have a point. Chris there is something, there is something...
 '''Troll:''' Bluespike. Stop it.

===Getting into Mumble (37:51-47:23)===
'''Max:''' Alright, Chris, I want you to be in the Mumble, Julie's going to talk to you there.
 '''Troll:''' 10 points.
 '''Troll:''' Taunting won't help right now, just keep muted.
 '''Troll:''' Augh, BlueSpike...
 '''Chris:''' No, unfortunately I cannot—
 '''Max:''' No, Chris, you have to. No, no, get in there! Get in there! Shut the fuck up and get in there.
 '''Chris:''' I can't get the microphone to work over there, I've tried it—
 '''Max:''' Then use the PSeye, that's the only chance you have.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Get in the fucking Mumble right now, and use your PSN. I'm not, I'm gonna tell Julie, I don't have to tell you anything until she hears your HONEST voice. To make sure its you.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Fine.
 '''Max:''' Yeah! So get your fuckin' ass in there! Or I'll break it!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah.
 '''Max:''' Oh, what was that? Oh, no. Get the PSeye, get the PSeye...
 '''Chris:''' Hang on, hang on.
 '''Max:''' No, I'm not gonna hang on, motherfucker.
 '''Chris:''' I'm gonna get the PSeye.
 '''Max:''' I'm gonna kick you in the PSeye, you don't shut up.
 '''Chris:''' I'm gonna get the PSeye.
 '''Max:''' You better. Or I'm gonna have to drop your ass.
 '''Chris:''' No. Just sit tight for a bit. I'm gonna get the PSeye. Alright?
 '''Max:''' Fine. Yes. And make sure it works before you come in Mumble.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Max:''' If I may say one thing, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Max:''' You're a bitch.
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm just trying to find, I'm just trying to do a, I just proving I can do most anything for my true love.
 '''Max:''' Alright, then, get in Mumble.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'm gettin', alright, I'm gettin' there. I've just gotta...[''unintelligible'']
 '''Max:''' There we go.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Hang on. Get this twist-tie untied here.
 '''Max:''' Gonna kick you in the twist-tie.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh, then long silence''] Working on this.
 '''Max:''' What's on the TV, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' I've just turned it on to the Cartoon Network, whatever the heck's on now, not gonna watch it anyway. Alright, I'm tryin' for you, tryin' to make this work. [''heavy sigh, then more silence''] Walter Grisby, do...I'm testing, I'm trying to test the mike. I'm testing the mike, I got it plugged in.
 '''Max:''' Does it work?
 '''Chris:''' [''snippy''] I'm working on making it work! It's waiting to find hardware, it's waiting to find software for this hardware.
 '''Max:''' Software for the hardware?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. That's what I just said, software for the hardware.
 '''Max:''' Yes...
 '''Chris:''' The hardware's not installed because it cannot find the necessary software.
 '''Max:''' And your microphone doesn't work. And the microphone doesn't work, the Hey You Pikachu mike.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Still didn't hear you, what did you say?
 '''Max:''' And you don't have any other microphone that works.
 '''Chris:''' At this time I do not.
 '''Max:''' You have to get one. This is something you want to talk to Julie about.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Chris? Chris!
 '''Troll:''' BlueSpike, you've gone too far this time.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' What're you doing, taking a dump?
 '''Chris:''' [''angry''] No, I'm trying to chair around so I can [''unintelligible''] on the radio!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] You're so fuckin' whiny!
 '''Chris:''' [''drowned out by Max briefly''] ...behind me! It could, it could fall on to me any second!
 '''Max:''' Oh, I hope it does!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' [''mocking sigh''] What's wrong now, Chrissy?
 '''Chris:''' I'm working on it!
 '''Max:''' Hey, Chris, can I tell you something? Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Let me tell you something, I've still got the, I've still got the medal up my ass, so that hurts!
 '''Max:''' I wasn't...I wasn't gonna ask about that. I just wanted to say, I'm sorry about asking you to burn your house down. I'm sorry.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Max:''' There.
 '''Chris:''' Fine.
 '''Max:''' And I'm sorry for telling you to cut yourself, that's too far. And I sincerely apologize.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Max:''' Apology accepted?
 '''Chris:''' [''pause''] Yes.
 '''Max:''' Good. Cool. Hi, BILLY MAYS here, I'm now the Mayor of CWCville. I took over from that stupid fuck Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' [''sigh''] C'mon, Chrissy. You are making me mad.
 '''Chris:''' I'm working on it!
 '''Max:''' Well, you're not working fast enough!
 '''Chris:''' Well, I can't help this computer's speed!
 '''Max:''' Do you know how to get the mike working?
 '''Chris:''' I'm trying to get a mike working!
 '''Max:''' I'm just asking if you know how, or are you just trying?
 '''Chris:''' [''whines''] I'm trying!
 '''Max:''' Great, we're gonna be on a fucking wild goose hunt for the past hour.
 '''Chris:''' Hold on a second.
 '''Max:''' We're gonna be holding on for more seconds than you can count, boy.
 '''Chris:''' I'm trying to get this microphone to work! Wait...
 '''Max:''' Well, what're you going through? Audio wizard?
 '''Chris:''' I got something working.
 '''Max:''' What would that be?
 '''Chris:''' A mike.
 '''Max:''' So it's working?
 '''Chris:''' It might be. Hang on. I'll log in to Mumble.
 '''Max:''' Alright. Julie will meet you there. [''suppressed laugh''] Goodbye.

===Julie Unveiled (47:34-End)===
'''Julie:''' Chris, I'm happy you're here. Hi.
 '''Chris:''' Hi, hi, hi, I'm gonna put my earphones on.
 '''Julie:''' Hi.
 '''Clyde:''' Hey!
 '''Julie:''' Um, Chris...
 '''Chris:''' Julie?
 '''Julie:''' There's something I've been trying to tell you for a while.
 '''Chris:''' Yes?
 '''Julie:''' Well, I'm gonna be there tomorrow, and I think it's safe to say that now I can tell you this. With my heartfelt love.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, uh, yes, go ahead and tell me now.
 '''Julie:''' Do you really wanna know?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' [''sigh''] I can't, not right now.
 '''Chris:''' C'mon, please?
 '''Julie:''' No. I can't.
 '''Chris:''' Please, Julie, I've just been through a whole lotta mess for you, just now.
 '''Julie:''' Why, what happened?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'll say that in private, but lemme hear what you say first. From your heart.
 '''Julie:''' Oooh, this is so hard for me to say.
 '''Chris:''' You love me, don't you.
 '''Julie:''' I do, but there's something else I need to say. I just don't...I just don't know how to do this. I don't know how to tell you this. Can I have a few minutes?
 '''Female troll:''' Blue, he's not there.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Fuck!
 '''Troll:''' Give him some time.
 '''Julie:''' Chris...
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Yeah, I came back now, I won-, I wonder what happened there.
 '''Julie:''' I don't know. But this is...can you talk with the fans for like five minutes? And then I'll tell you, please?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, could you...
 '''Julie:''' Actually, no, no, I'm ready to tell you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Julie:''' This whole time, Chris...you've been having sex with a 13-year-old boy, you sick fuck!
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yeah. I'm a 13-year-old boy, Chris, and you've been having sex with me this entire time. I'm gonna give all your fuckin' data to Chris Hansen, you fuckin' pedofork, so you better get the fuck out now.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' Before I report you to the fuckin' feds. Get out.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Now wait a minute—
 '''BlueSpike:''' I'd hurry.
 '''Chris:''' I did not, I did not know you were a 13-year-old.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes, you did! They're not gonna believe you! They're gonna fuckin' put you away!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Fine, I'll le-
 '''BlueSpike:''' Tell me, Chris, now, no, no, no, no, wait a minute. Wait. Now, I seem to have you in a bit of a vice grip, now I'm gonna let you talk, but if you leave, your PSN is going far away.
 '''Chris:''' I'm not leaving now. So, let me guess, you were Max the whole time, weren't you?
 '''BlueSpike:''' And Julie. Yes. Both of them. Both figments of my imagination. They never existed.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] How do you explain...
 '''BlueSpike:''' There is no Julie. She never existed, Chris. [''whispers''] She died five years ago. Who have you been talking to? A boy! Tell me, Chris. You know, I...yes. Please do speak.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, what do you want me to tell you?
 '''BlueSpike:''' Tell me how you feel about this, that you've been cybering with a 13-year-old boy this entire time. Do you like little boys? I think you do.
 '''Chris:''' [''shell-shocked monotone''] I do not.
 '''BlueSpike:''' You drove to Ohio for no reason. It was a trick. I was able to fool you, you dumb man. How does this make you feel? Tell me.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I feel terrible.
 '''BlueSpike:''' How does it feel that I've tricked you? Tell me?
 '''Chris:''' I feel terrible.
 '''BlueSpike:''' All the things that I've taken from you, they're now mine, and you will never receive them back.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' I got many things out of you, I've gotten to get the audio, the video... Now, if you, if you really want your self-dignity, if you truly want your self-dignity to be remained, then you will send me that video of you shoving the medallion up your anus. Or I will tell everyone what you've been doing. And all the fans will believe that you are a pedophile.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, see, the thing is, I was lying, so I hope you've been recording on your end, because I wasn't recording on my end.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Well, I'm sorry, then, because this is going out. To everyone.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' So what's it gonna be, Chris? Are you gonna do it again, or am I gonna have to give everything to everyone?
 '''Chris:''' It's kind of hard to do an encore performance at this point.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Well, that's unfortunate, Chris. You're going to have to do it.
 '''Chris:''' [''massive sigh''] Fine, how about this, I take a—
 '''BlueSpike:''' Wait, wait, wait, wait, first of all, Clyde.
 '''Clyde:''' What up?
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes... He finally found out he was, I expected a bit more of a shitstorm, that he's been having sex with a 13-year-old boy like a sick fuck.
 '''Clyde:''' Whatever.
 '''BlueSpike:''' And he drove to Ohio for no reason. Chris, tell me, why did you drive to Ohio? Under the idea that you would get...[''mocking kiddie voice''] A boyfriend-free girl! Should I call Chris Hansen? I think I know his number.
 '''Clyde:''' Hello, hello Chris, on that trip to Ohio, you had a cell phone, we were calling you, trying to, y'know, give you directions.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes, Chris, let me tell you, there was a Julie. There truly is a Julie. But...
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, there is.
 '''BlueSpike:''' ...there was, but she died.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, we'll have to go with the "died" part, she was actually in Ohio, but...
 '''BlueSpike:''' Let me tell you something, Chris, about the wildfires I told you about, that truly was the one you started now.
 '''Clyde:''' Okay, now, you're going crazy, okay? We don't have to do the whole wildfire thing...
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, this is going kinda crazy, I mean, you sounded like a 13-year-old boy, and Chris kinda fell for that...
 '''Chris:''' I thought, I thought she, I thought...
 '''BlueSpike:''' How do I sound like a girl to you, motherfucker? How do I sound like a girl? Tell me.
 '''Chris:''' You just sound, I know what a woman sounds like! [''explosion of disbelief from all listeners'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' No, no, no, no, no, shut the fuck up and let me talk to him, shut the hell up. And I talked to you in my normal voice, and I can say I'm Julie. I can talk to you in the exactly same voice and I can tell you I'm Max, and you fuckin' believe it. You're dense. You're truly dense, and you don't deserve to live in this fuckin' world. Now tell me, what do you want, do you want your PSN back?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Well, that's too bad, because it's gonna be sold.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, c'mon, please?
 '''BlueSpike:''' No, it's gonna be sold.
 '''Clyde:''' Hey, Chris, there's more things, y'know, okay, I ran this whole goddamn operation, look. There's more things to life than your PS3. Weren't you gonna go outside and have fun, y'know, go outside again?
 '''BlueSpike:''' No, because he thought Julie was real. And he thought she was coming tomorrow. But it was all fake. It was all, all fake.
 '''Clyde:''' I think he knows that. He's not retarded, look...
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes he is, he's fuckin' dumb. Now, Chris...
 '''Clyde:''' [''talking over BlueSpike''] Goddamn this operative being a motherfucker, shut the hell up. Christ. Look, Chris. There are more things to life than your PS3 and whatever. Your whole internet life has been a lie. There are no Sonichu fans. Nobody gives two shits about you. The best thing you could do is go outside, for the love of God, okay?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes, Chris, let me tell you something. Are you going to listen?
 '''Chris:''' I'm listening.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Good. I wish to talk to you sometimes on Skype, to get some information out of you, if you will? Yes. Now tell me...
 '''Clyde:''' Shut up, BlueSpike. He's been fooled so many times, what is this, the ninth time so far?
 '''BlueSpike:''' I think it's the tenth, actually.
 '''Clyde:''' Whatever. I mean, you say you learn from your mistakes, but you never seem to. Ever. [''chorus of "JULAAY" from the trolls'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' You disgust me, Chris. Every part of you disgusts me. The way that you pathetically plead for your precious Julie, you disgust me...
 '''Clyde:''' And your PlayStation Network account, that's pretty sad.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yeah. "Gimme back my account you fucking dick!"
 '''Clyde:''' Look, Chris, you can appeal to your, what's left of your fans, at least...
 '''BlueSpike:''' I think he's crying. Why don't we just let the baby cry?
 '''Chris:''' I'm not crying!
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes you are, you pathetic fuck.
 '''Chris:''' I am not!
 '''Clyde:''' Okay, BlueSpike, BlueSpike, you're a little too mean...well, whatever.
 '''BlueSpike:''' You're right. If I may inform you, Chris, I know you may have been told this before, but how does it feel to know that this is your entire fanbase?
 '''Clyde:''' That is true, but there's also...oh, yeah, that's hilarious! Anna, by the way, is not a lesbian. She's just...
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yeah, the lesbian loves the dick. She just doesn't want yours. Every girl so far, every girl has been a troll. We tried to tell you this. And then we just got sick of it...
 '''Clyde:''' You know how many people have told you this, that BlueSpike is a boy? I can't believe how many times. And you still believed...
 '''BlueSpike:''' [''mocking''] "I believe you, because I've heard your honest and true voice!"
 '''Chris:''' [''Sigh''] Goodbye.
 '''BlueSpike:''' I think we hurt him pretty bad.
 '''Troll:''' Well, we kind of completely blew Chris's mind right there.
 '''Female Troll:''' Can I... stop the recording now?
 [''Trolls chatter over each other, one troll quoting the old Duke Nukem meme "Balls, Balls, Balls".'']
 '''Female Troll:''' Stop stop stop stop... Can I stop recording?
 [''Chorus of "Yes" from the trolls. Tape runs out.'']

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?hqlzmjlmuty MP3 of the audio.]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Trolls]]

Talk:BlueSpike Skype Logs

2010-10-12T22:38:31Z

Hans Gruber:

== To do ==
*format
*split the logs up more reasonably
[[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 19:16, 11 October 2010 (PDT)
:This article looks like shit. I'm going to try to fix it.
::Alright, I kind of fixed it... --[[User:Megaman|Megaman]] 22:14, 11 October 2010 (PDT)

== background ==
history of logs: uh, i misplaced them? no seriously. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 19:16, 11 October 2010 (PDT)

"misplaced", wut.--[[User:Hans Gruber|Hans Gruber]] 15:38, 12 October 2010 (PDT)

Talk:Abusive babysitter

2010-09-06T19:08:47Z

Hans Gruber:

I got your message Champ, I guess I need to find a better excuse to RRAAAARLL. --[[User:Megaman|Megaman]] 12:06, 10 May 2009 (CEST)

== De-stubification ==

I might try and edit this into a full article. Wish me luck, gentlemen. --[[User:Blunderscore|Blunderscore]] 17:11, 26 March 2010 (UTC)

:Good luck. I'll take a bash at it as well, once you're through --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 17:15, 26 March 2010 (UTC)

::Okay, I tried my best (with the few sources there are). Basically I just elaborated on select parts. Unless the big guy reveals anything more about his babysitter, this article will forever remain a stub. --[[User:Blunderscore|Blunderscore]] 17:24, 26 March 2010 (UTC)

::*Well it's a small article, which isn't necessarily bad. I think we should try to remind ourselves that just because it's small doesn't mean it doesn't warrant an article. Stubs should more or less be articles that are only a sentence long and there to get the ball holding.
:::Hasn't Chris mentioned the babysitter more than once? We need to list every instance Chris has mentioned her in any media that's available.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:18, 28 March 2010 (UTC)

Talk:Abusive babysitter

2010-09-06T19:06:50Z

Hans Gruber:

100 2178

2010-09-06T09:09:28Z

Hans Gruber:

{{Rename}}

'''Greene County Conspiracy''' is a 8 [[May 2010]] video in which [[Chris]], lonely and lost at the bottom of a depression-well, reflects on the [[FAIL|state]] of his life.

==Analysis==

Chris made this video after coming home alone from an EXTREME ACTION SPORTS show to which he had won four tickets from a radio call-in contest. As he could not find anyone else to go with him, even after he called the members of his Church's Young Adult Social Group, he was forced to scalp the tickets in front of the stadium and then sit alone in the bleachers beside a "lovey-dovey couple" (who probably haven't even got a [[I_Pimp_My_Ride.MOV|pimped out PS3 controller]]) while handsomer, happier, less [[autistic]] men did flips on motorcycles for the roaring crowd. This situation causes Chris to reflect introspectively on his life, or at the very least complain about the latest faults that have occurred since he and [[Jackie e-mails|Jackie]] broke apart.

[[File:ThePatriots1.png|thumb|This is what Chris actually believes]]

Chris, with his victim complex, inexplicably blames the Greene County school board (which tried to pull him out of [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]] when he was a child) for heading a conspiracy to keep him in his "autistic shell" — first by supposedly trying to institutionalize him for being autistic then, after many years with no interaction with him, going so far as to pay a realtor more than $18,000 <ref>A rough estimate of a realtor's fee assuming a home value of $300,000 and a commission rate of 6%. [http://www.trulia.com/property/1082709830-68-Branchland-Ct-Ruckersville-VA-22968| The average home price in the area today is about $319,000] and [http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/05/11/60minutes/main2790865.shtml| a realtor's commission would be 6% of that.]</ref> to keep his [[14 Branchland Court|family's house]] in Ruckersville from selling so that his family would have to move back to a town where he had fewer friends after high school. The fact that about 19 other students in the district were also autistic <ref>Assuming autism is distributed uniformly, that [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:US-autism-6-17-1996-2007.png| roughly 1%] of the population was autistic, and that there were 2,000 students in the Green County school district at the time. [http://www.localschooldirectory.com/district-schools/039/Greene-County-Public-Schools-District/VA| There are about 2,850 today.]</ref> and weren't paid special attention to by the school board, that every member of the that board works a full-time job and many also have children, that none of them would have the motivation to [[Troll|hound]] Chris for a decade; and that all his supposed friends from Chesterfield County have long since moved on with their lives, are now similarly indisposed, and would have nothing to gain by spending time with him even if they all lived right next door naturally do not occur to Chris. Also, if the board hated Chris so much, they would have wanted him to leave, amirite?

Using the board as a not-so-convenient excuse to ignore the fact that he himself is the only consistent factor in his unbroken series of failures, he goes on to muse that they bribed [[Michael Snyder]] (years later again) to ban him from [[The GAMe PLACe]]. There is no "evidence" yet linking them to [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the [[Jerkops]], or the 15,000 some-odd people of Greene County who somehow spontaneously decided not to be Chris's friends for no reason. Chris seems to restrain himself from calling Snyder a "greedy Jew" [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|a la Cartman]], stopping after "greedy". He ends the video by wishing that they, Michael Snyder, and the [[trolls]] would all go to hell for playing [[Kick the Autistic]].

Perhaps coincidentally, the video was uploaded sixteen years to the day since [[Bob]]'s case against Greene County was thrown out of court.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Greene County Conspiracy
| video = {{#ev:youtube|VwCldRr0kDc}}
| stardate = 08 May 2010
| subject = {{Autism|Life}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Game Place|text}}
| shirt = {{OrangeSleeveless|text}}
| previous = [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV]]
| next = [[05142010]]
}}

===Transcription===

[''Chris sits in the dark in front of his TV, which is, shockingly, turned off. He is visible only in silhouette. A fan hums in the background.'']

This is [[Christian Weston Chandler]], alias ''Christopher'' Weston Chandler, pre [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|1990-something]]. Anyway, I-I have sent this message to all the peo- ...ple that were of the [[Greene County]] School Board... and such... during the [[1990s]]... because... Threatening to put me in a mental institution. That was pretty much why we had to run away... and move to Chesterfield County, and I had better life over there, I had a lo- I had so many friends over there, in high school. And I was just ''sad'' to leave, when I, after I graduated. 'Cause I had to leave all my friends. I had the good life. But we were forced to move back here.

You people of Greene County, you could not have left us, uh, left me and my family alone. You had to go and pay off the realtors, just so, this h- so that this house here could not have been sold. If it, 'cause if it had been sold, we would have been able to stay in Chesterfield County. [''[[sigh]]''] And I would have been ha- I would have had a lot- a happier life over there, than right now and how I'm feeling. If, right now, because we ha- 'cause we were forced to move back here because of you goddamn... people who were afraid of [[autistic]] individuals.

[''sigh'']

You individuals would know who you are. I wish my family and I did not have to move back here. I wish we could have stayed in Chesterfield County, 'cause I had the better life there. And we were doing we- we were doing well, but you had to drag us down! You had to make us unable to sell our house here. You had to ''force'' my family to move back here, where I was okay and I have a couple of friends, and I'm better off with... [''Voice cracks, shakes arm to gesture at room.''] '''stuff.'''

That stuff is no good if I don't have, if I don't have many friends to share it with. [''Chokes back tears.'']

And it all just went downhill. I bet, even Greene County had something to do with influencing that goddamn [[Michael Snyder]] to see f- to see any... so recourse... or... anything like that to make him pretend to have a reason to kick me out, quote-unquote "''scaaaaring'' his customers away!" [''Flips off the camera''] You goddamn, greedy... ''Snyder''!

I was at the John Paul Jones Arena earlier tonight, at the Extreme Action Sports. I had won four tickets the previous Friday, Friday of the last week, from 95.1. The few [[Trolls|friends]] I have here could not have come- could not come with me, and I could not even find anyone in the congregation to take- to go with me. 'Cause I misplaced directory for one reason. And even with the help of, uh, my pastoral counselor to get in contact with them, they did not call- none of them called me back!

And I had to sell the... tickets I had, and I had to sit there next to a... lovey-dovey couple. [''His voice begins to crack.''] Which, that was okay, you know, I was trying to be... good- I was trying to be good friend, you know... [''scratches back of head''] Sociable. [''sigh''] But still, if that was... If I had stayed in Chesterfield County, and I would- and I had a similar situation for an event there... [[Chris and reality|I would definitely have had my friends I had there]]. Moving back here, it just dragged me downhill. So I tell you what, Greene County... Because you saw fit to make- to make me and my family have to move back here, just to make me sad, and move more into my Autistic Shell: ''you did it''.

If I had stayed in Chesterfield County, I would have been a whole lot better off. I wish you would, I wish you would have let us sell our house here. We could have stayed there. I wish you had- I wish we did not have to move back to [''sigh''] I wish we did not have to move back here nearly ten years ago.

Laugh all you want, trolls! Because... I don't give a ''damn''. You're all just immature, [[naive]], condescending, soulless ''monsters''. [[Chris and hypocrisy|You don't ''care'' about others]], you only care about yourselves. You only care about getting your own laughs and kicks, because you don't h- you don't have your own social life! You [[Death threats|threaten]] me from ha- from trying to seek one of my own, by scaring me on the Internet and whatnot.

Including Clyde Cash, you can all go to hell. And all the people that were on the Greene County School Board during the 1990s then that forced us to have to move back here, '''sit and spin...''' Hell.

And Michael Snyder, I hope you go to Hell, too!

And for everybody el-, as for everybody else... Peace.
{{-}}

==Michael Snyder's reply==
{{quotebox|When I go to hell, I will hold the door open for you, if not not too busy giving tours. I can't believe I've spent all these years conspiring to make your life more miserable than your fossilized parents could ever dream of. Oh, wait, I wasn't doing that, I've been too busy living my own life. I remember you as a child creeping out all the other pokemon kids, including my own, because even 10 years ago you were an angry, unsportsmanlike punk. 
Signed, 
That goddam Michael Snyder}}

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Chan's Confession
| video = {{#ev:youtube|vRQtkDUHCF4}}
| Maker = MWillBuoy
| Stardate = 9 May 2010
| Video Type =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO CHRIS CHAN
| video = {{#ev:youtube|LRJlreNexFU}}
| Maker = ShinyMarshtomp
| Stardate = 9 May 2010
| Video Type =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = The truth YOU weren't supposed to know: CWC Expose
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Nna4NOyHiyE}}
| Maker = SyntheNeko
| Stardate = 10 May 2010
| Video Type =
}}

==References==
<references />

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[I Pimp My Ride.MOV]]|nextlink=[[05142010]]}}
{{Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Chris and cameras

2010-09-06T05:22:07Z

Hans Gruber:

{{incomplete}}
[[Image:camerawork1.png|thumb|left|You can totally make out the face.]]
[[Image:camerawork2.png|thumb|Chris is real good at hiding his failures.]]
{{quote|Q: Why do so many of your videos have a greenish-yellow tinge? A: It's one of the flaws in recording with Sony's EyeCreate Program (a downloadable Playstation 3 Application that requires the [[PSEye|Playstation Eye Camera]]); THEY NEED TO FIX THE PROGRAM, not only of that tint from Lack Of Some Light, but the Audio/Video skips that seems to occur during recording.|[[Common Questions|Chris, believing it's all in the equipment]]}}
Chris's approach to '''camerawork''' of all kinds is rather abysmal, whether we're talking about still photography or video work. Despite years and years of constant and obviously enthusiastic photography and home video making, Chris hasn't learned anything beyond the basics of this craft. Actually, the way he still routinely fucks up things proves that he is handling cameras far ''worse'' than your Average Joe... and as we've seen from what Chris has done to his [[PSEye]], "bad camera handling" can be interpreted in two ways.

Chris's video production efforts have been hindered by the fact that, despite [[DVD|years of practice]], Chris doesn't know anything about cinematography. He's oblivious to several common sense ideas like "if you want to see anything at all, light the scene properly." Something that should be remembered when considering the poor quality of the results is that Chris [[Brutal Legend|never even checks his videos]] before uploading them.

== Framing the shots ==
[[Image:Gibson.jpg|thumb|Excellently centered image, with a delightful backdrop.]]

Chris assumes that if he can see the lens, then everything can be seen by the lens. He has no idea what it means to be in the focus of a shot, and is constantly standing way out of center, or is putting shit way too close to the camera, so that you can't even tell what the fuck you're looking at most of the time. When handling the camerawork directly, Chris often attempts to experiment with the camera's positioning without properly considering what his audience will see, and as such we are on the receiving end of [[Fail|masterpieces]] like the [[Videobooks]] and [[Sonichu's Edge]]. Additionally, his lack of proper equipment or controlled co-ordination tends to weigh down such endeavors with constant shaking, or disorienting angles.

== Focus ==

Chris relies extensively on autofocus. Autofocus usually works with a slight delay and it usually can't focus on subjects that are too close to the camera. Many cameras have specific autofocus mode or require manual focus for [[wikipedia:macro photography|macro photography]].

Chris's attempts at using manual focus, as evidenced in [[A Week With Christian Chandler]] (probably shot with a 35mm SLR camera from the school), have resulted in some rather blurry shots.
{{-}}
== Lighting ==
[[File:100 0575.jpg|thumb|right|Camera flash is not a fucking floodlight.]]
Most of Chris's [[YouTube]] videos have been lit completely wrong. Plainly put: If you're making videos indoors, ''you've got to turn the room lights on''; human brains can automatically adjust to different color temperatures, but film and video cameras either lack the automatics to handle this, or are constantly struggling in bad lighting conditions to figure out what's going on. Chris assumes that if there's enough natural light coming in for him to see anything at all, then the video is lit properly. As a result, many of Chris's indoor video shots have a distinct yellow tint. Of course, it also doesn't help that he has never heard of [[wikipedia:white balance|White Balance]].

Many of Chris's photographs, as in the Scrapbook and [[A Week With Christian Chandler]], have been shot against light (i.e., camera facing the light source). This usually leaves the subjects in shadow and obscures the details.

Chris also commits a common novice mistake in thinking that camera flash completely negates the need for proper lighting (a [[naïve]] view of "if it's day, everything is OK, but if it's night, then just use the flash"). In fact, flash will highlight the front of the scene, but it can also over-expose the shot if the subject is too close to the camera. If the background is unlit, it adds a very big contrast and stark shadows.

== Post-Production ==

As inept as he is at video production, he's equally bad at post-production as well. A good example of this is whenever he needs to put text on the screen during his videos. Even the simplest video editing software allows people to easily put text on the screen and make it so that anyone watching the video can read it, whether it's changing the color of the font or adding a drop shadow. Chris doesn't do this, opting instead to write the text on a piece of paper and film it with his camera. Probably the best example of this is seen in [[CWC Calls Out Three Naïve YouTubers|the infamous July 10th messages]] in which, at the start of each of the videos, he films a piece of paper with a YouTube username while informing us that the video we're about to see is addressed to the user whose name is written. In one of the videos, he has a message below the username that, because he never bothers to focus the camera, is completely unreadable. This wouldn't be a problem if he could just use software to add text to the video.

He did once use video editing software to add text and effects, in his [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|entry in the PaRappa The Rapper contest]] that the no-good [[Adam Stackhouse]] ended up winning. The result is the video makes even less sense than it did without the use of editing software. The effects added to the video are all stock effects, most of which make no sense in the context of the video. For example, in one part, Chris has a graphic that reads "Birthday Boy" on the screen, even though the video had nothing to do with his birthday. One can argue, though, that this was his attempt at [[random access humor]] and that it's not supposed to make sense.

This is not to say he can't edit, because there are a couple of music videos that show that he can, indeed, put shots together in a way that the video conveys a message that it's supposed to. This is present in his music videos for [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|Holdin' Out For a Hero]] and [[CWC "Boyfriend"|Boyfriend]]. Of course, they both suck, but the fact that he can at least put shots together proves that, if he could just learn how to use editing software for more than just putting shots together, he could be a filmmaker. Then again, he never learns.

When the video is uploaded to YouTube, most of the time Chris doesn't bother to name it. And when he does, he leaves the .MOV extension in the video title, suggesting that his videos are uploaded in the Quick Time format. Obviously, he wouldn't bother using any of his [[monthly tugboat]] purchasing a Mac when there are [[video games|better]] [[McDonald's|things]] [[sex toys|to spend]] [[Chris and money|your tax dollars]] on. Whether the computer in the kitchen has software that exports to Quick Time or his camera uses SD cards or other flash memory in a way that he can simply upload the video from the memory is a mystery.

In [[Some Favored Comedians]], Chris, in an attempt to insert clips for comparison, records the TV screen. Most people would think that ''actually editing the clips in'' might be a far more sensible strategy, as these shows are potentially available in digital format. Recording things off the TV screen without extra preparation often results in a completely unwatchable picture, and this is no exception.

==See also==
*[[Youtube]]
*[[List of videos]]
*[[Captain's Log]]
*[[PSEye]]

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Hobbies]]

Talk:Mumble 3

2010-09-06T02:21:17Z

Hans Gruber:

==To do==

More concise summary, more orthodox (and complete) transcription. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 20:16, 21 November 2009 (CET)

:* I know my summary seems long, but it's actually not when you consider that the chat lasted '''two-and-a-half hours'''. I agree, though, that some concise write-up is needed above my summary (which is really more of an outline). [[User:Llort|Llort]] 01:14, 22 November 2009 (CET)

:* Shotgun --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 17:02, 17 March 2010 (UTC)
:* The timings need to go I think, which is sort of a shame, but they're not present in other summaries. What do people think? I won't do it until we can agree, so yeah. --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 17:49, 17 March 2010 (UTC)
:*Also, I know Clyde is getting cut out, bar his home truths, but whatever Chris says, 9/10 times Clyde is going to contradict him. We know this. It's a trolls job. I can prune lots more, but I think we ought to set out some guidelines for relevance. I got the date transcript down to about 20-25 lines of stuff, which was quite succinct. Should I carry on with that here? --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 18:45, 17 March 2010 (UTC)

This needs an accurate transcription ASAP. People are debating over Chris's use of "commode" here and right now, if you're a dumbass like certain Chris-related image board users can be, it would lead one to suggest that Chris uses a chamberpot in his room or he has a toilet in his bedroom. Obviously this is not the case, as we have fucking pictures of Chris's room and he doesn't have a god damn toilet, not to mention we've seen a tour of his house, but a transcription of this would help establish a usage of Chris's usage of the word "commode" to establish that he's probably talking about the anachronistic term for a toilet and not a specific sort of toilet related device. Once done, we can use this as a quote for the [[Minor CWC-isms]] page to establish a definition of commode. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 13:36, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

"And recently, when I overflowed a commode I had to clean some of the wat- a little bit of the water that ha- that was on the floor, with floral nine and paper towels." I know I'm just a newfag and this sort of thing is completely blasé now to people used to Cwc, but am I the only one who thinks this quote needs more attention? In a chat with his nemesis and the (then) love of his life, in order to show how domesticated he is he goes on about overflowing the toilet. "I am so clean when I shit enough to cause a feaces avalanche I then clean it up." God damn. - [[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 07:52, 17 April 2010 (UTC)

Borednewb, you might be right. Also, Champthom, what do you want to do about the 'Synopsis' and 'Summary'. They make each other redundant. Your style guide says to use the Synopsis-esque style when writing, but the Summary has some things that don't appear in the Synopsis for cohesion's sake. --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 16:45, 17 April 2010 (UTC)

*We need a synopsis that summarizes. Yes, that sounds silly but we need something like we have for the IRC chats - we need more or less a short paragraph or two that provides a narrative of the chat and anything major that went down (like Sarah May threatening to kill herself in that one Mumble). The things people choose to highlight should be up to the reader. But yeah, it's silly to have two sections and it's even sillier to have a "summary" that is pretty damn long. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 20:19, 17 April 2010 (UTC)

==A HUGE mistake and other comments.==
Cogsdev talking? ROFLMAO. Seriously, Cogsdev never talks, that's the thing about Cogs is that no one knows about what she sounds like. That's why in that one segment where Chris talks to Cogs, he'll pause because she always types on the left. Just call it "chick," we vaguely remember who these people are and I think the chick people think is "Cogs" no one remembers anyway.

Personally, I'd go through the audio and double check but I'm in some of these chats and frankly, I hate the sound of my voice.

However, I will say that the subdividing thing is a good idea, we need to make this a standard practice so we can cite specific subsections. The titles are a bit subjective, so I think that doing the time stamp might be the best way to do it is to subdivide in certain time frames, like 5-10 minutes or whatever, stuff like that. Obviously keep the same divisions, but just rename the subsections by time frames. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 20:27, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
:I just checked my copy of the file. That's a man voice. I hearby dub him "Dude".
:Also, timestamps are a bitch because now we have to listen to that giant goddamn thing all over again to find out what times people said those things. Also, VLC (my media player of choice) always tells me the file's a half-hour longer than it really is. Throws the whole thing off.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 21:22, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
::*I will fix these issues when I get home from work. I just assumed Cogs was being played by a dude in this instance, like how many people have been Clyde Cash. My player reports the right time so I'll timestamp this one too, then Mumble 6. Apologies for the fail. -[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 02:39, 18 April 2010 (UTC)
::*FIXED. GodJesus fucking dammit, I had to re-listen to the fucking cyber scene again FUCK. -[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 12:43, 18 April 2010 (UTC)

==MARCH MUMBLE MADNESS==
I'm gonna start tackling this shit. I hate you all, but not nearly as much as I hate myself.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 20:00, 1 March 2010 (UTC)
:FUUUUCK AUDIO CUTS back later.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 22:17, 1 March 2010 (UTC)
::So honestly I did plan on doing more than three minutes tonight. That went well.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 03:28, 14 March 2010 (UTC)
:::This is like my apocalypse log now. I'm at 16:45 and this thing goes on for almost 3 hours. It's like staring into the abyss, knowing that the abyss not only stares back, but opens its gaping maw to shout "FUCK YOU!"--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 04:38, 17 March 2010 (UTC)
::::Having read what you've done so far, if you need a second to cut your head off once you finish, I will to happy to put you out of your misery. No mere mortal should be forced to endure this. -- 06:13, 17 March 2010 (UTC)
:::::your suffering will never end. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 06:56, 17 March 2010 (UTC)
::::::I have stared into the abyss, and as it stares into me i'm ready to continue transcribing if Beat has given up hope. [[User:EnglishPickle|EnglishPickle]] 02:56, 01 April 2010
::::::: You deserve your medal --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 02:00, 1 April 2010 (UTC)
:::::::: When he mentions commode, is he talking about a toilet, or an old person potty chair? -PeaceCeapPea
:::::::::*Toilet, 99% likely, see comment in above section about Chris's usage of anachronisms. Also, it's four ~ to sign your comments, that way we also get a timestamp when you posted it. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 15:20, 8 April 2010 (UTC)
::::::::::*Oh shit I return.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 17:00, 14 April 2010 (UTC)
I am now at minute 36. English pickle, if you want to start adding chunks of this yourself, be my guest. I would love your assistance. I would love anybody's assistance. This thing is only one fith done. It's laughing at me.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 03:33, 16 April 2010 (UTC)
:Your pleas have not gone unheard. I know of your pain from my own work on Mumble 6. Accordingly, The Principality of Ronichu will pledge eight hours of transcription work towards your cause either today or this weekend. Battle on, hero! [[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 04:00, 16 April 2010 (UTC)
::8 Hours? Don't get me wrong, that's awesome dedication, but I normally scream "FUCK THIS" after an hour and a half tops! 8 hours straight would probably drive me to suicide.
::Are you sure you're not some sort of super-transcribing robot from the future?--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 04:14, 16 April 2010 (UTC)
::: I prefer to work in long streaks. But, yeah, I had planned to do it in two chunks; one Friday night my time, one Sunday. And if I really was a transcribing robot from the future, I'd know about this conversation and say exactly what's needed to convince you I'm not. At least, that's what such a robot would say, anyway. [[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 04:31, 16 April 2010 (UTC)
::::I got it to 47 minutes. Another drop in the bucket.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 06:19, 16 April 2010 (UTC)
:::::I'll be ready to start my first chunk in about 20 minutes. [[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 11:26, 16 April 2010 (UTC)
::::::It has begun.[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 12:05, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

==== Ronichu's Notes for Mumble 3 so far ====

- I broke the transcript up into sections. Some people like this (IMHO it makes it MUCH easier to edit, since you can just edit a section rather than the whole friggen thing) and some people don't. If you don't, just remove them and then abuse me on my talk page.

- Julie is a fan of Alizée. I added a link to her Wikipedia article. Incidently, the female Night Elf dance from World of Warcraft is based on her dance. Many [[User:Ronichu|sad, pathetic fucking nerds]] have fapped to this dance since it's basically a stripper dance. I would totally [http://www.wowwiki.com/Mana_Tap <nowiki>Mana Tap</nowiki>] that.

- Much like Pol Pot through the educated population, I purged 'Molvania' and replaced it with 'Molvanîa'. The correct spelling of fictional countries is of critical importance to my plans.

- Several tiny fixes. I didn't want to change too much since it's a huge amount of your work and I wanted to respect that. I also incorporated [[User:Anonymax]]'s changes, so don't stress mate.

- I added a link to the Wikipedia article for Sadie Hawkins Day. This is because, as an Ausfailian, I had NFI what Chris was babbling about. Now I know.

- I'M TRANSCRIBING THE CYBERFUCKING?! WHAT THE FLYING FUCK MAN. Okay. I transcribed almost the entire cyber scene in one take, with a once over to make sure I got most things. Because dude, ear rape. Ear rape. Ear rape. Oh GodJesus. I listened to Chris and a [[pedofork|13 year old boy]] fap. :'( Intently. :'( Transcribing every word. :'( What the shit.

- Four hours straight of mostly listening to Chris fap. I think I am gay now.

- I AM STILL TRANSCRIBING SO DON'T FUCK WITH IT JUST YET.
:Oh. I changed one thing that bothered me (Monthly Tugboat header link) --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 15:06, 16 April 2010 (UTC)
*Wait... Chris and Bluespike cybered on this fucking thing? Dear god. I haven't actually listened to the whole thing before. Had I known that was on there... I'm so sorry. Nobody deserves that.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 15:27, 16 April 2010 (UTC)
:*Bravery above and beyond the call of duty...--[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 16:59, 16 April 2010 (UTC)
[[Image:AsperchuMarkDeux.jpg|thumb|right|Let's finish it!]]
::* Six hours, forty minutes straight at the moment. I still owe you an hour and a half-ish on Sunday, but I feel it's always better to under-promise and over-deliver. I'll keep going on it, see what strength I can muster... to be honest, if I push it- I'd like to think I can get a substantial chunk of this knocked over this weekend. I want to say FINISH IT- I want to- but some dark, dark part of me just won't let me type the words. Under promise, over deliver. Let's see how I feel tomorrow. [[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 18:41, 16 April 2010 (UTC)
:::* PS you guys can edit shit now if you like, I'm gonna be unconscious for at least 10 hours and I probably won't wanna do anything right away when I wake up.[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 18:42, 16 April 2010 (UTC)
::::*Ronichu man, I'm going to knock a few minutes off of this while you're sleeping. I'm not trying to step on your toes, I just don't want you to suffer more than you have to.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 03:39, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
::::*Alright, I brought this bad boy up another 15 minutes to the 2:02 mark. Considering the surprising amount of dead air time on these, it was much easier than the early parts.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 06:04, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
:::::*Don't worry mate, the night shift is here. You did great with the stuff before, now let's FINISH IT.[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 07:17, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
:::::*I have temporarily crashed into slumber. 15 minute break. I need some [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nS4giqtbRBM EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYE OF THE TIGER]. RISING UP, BACK ON THESE STREEEEEETS...
:::::*ALRIGHT I AM PSYCHED UP. LET'S FUCKING DO THIS. ADRIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

==== Done. ====

THIS BITCH BE TRANSCRIBED. Total time spent transcribing this thing is 10 hours, 10 minutes over two days. A little over the eight hours promised, but hey; under promise, over deliver. I wanted to finish this shit and I did. I bid you strange, gentle folk farewell, and it's back to Mumble 6 for now. Which sucks because instead of Julie and Chris talking with long pauses while Chris' slow-arse mind thinks of simple answers to reasonable questions, it's six trolls all yelling over the top of each other. -[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 10:40, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
:I never thought this day would come. It's so beautiful.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 18:18, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
:* :) :) :) :) --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 22:26, 17 April 2010 (UTC)

== lol ==
oh man this was like years ago. oh how times have changed. brick wall indeed. i sure enjoy hamming it up lol. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 08:26, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
:* The later part of this chat was actually really fun to transcribe (the unspeakable horrors in the first part notwithstanding). I can see why you enjoyed it. [[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 08:37, 17 April 2010 (UTC)

== Uhgh ==

I did a search on the CWCki for 'Uhgh'. I noticed that the only times it's written- the beginning of the [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Call_8|ABL call 8]] and in Mumble 3- are when I've transcribed it. Is this some kind of... noise only I can hear? Like a dog whistle that only effects TRUE and ORIGINAL Sonichu/Rosechu hybrids? [[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 09:27, 17 April 2010 (UTC)
:It's probably just a Difference between individual transcribers. What you write down as "ugh" I'm probably writing down as "umm".--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 18:07, 17 April 2010 (UTC)

== No Download ==
Why does the file on mediafire not work? If somebody has the file of this conversation please upload it to mediafire and link it to here.--[[User:Hans Gruber|Hans Gruber]] 19:21, 5 September 2010 (PDT)

Talk:Stardate, August 27, 2010

2010-08-28T00:11:38Z

Hans Gruber:

{{Not A Forum}}

I started a page on this with just the link, new to editing CWCKI...I'll start transcribing the aduio - LyleLash

Already did :) [[User:Ash link|Ash link]] 13:50, 27 August 2010 (PDT)

So it seems that Chris, in a way, finally admits to being completely retarded. Just when you think the CWC saga is over, something new and exciting happens. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 13:52, 27 August 2010 (PDT)

Two odd things stood out for me. 1) Chris actually admits fault, and 2) he uses his high pitched lying voice the entire time. --[[User:CuteDoug|CuteDoug]] 14:06, 27 August 2010 (PDT)
*And I'm bothered by the repetition of "My PS3 is gone, you don't need to try to destroy it". Is there a way we can confirm anything? Also the PSN profile shows that his trophies still exist, if that's any help.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 14:42, 27 August 2010 (PDT)
:Trophies are saved to the network. Wiping the hard drive wont remove those. --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 14:51, 27 August 2010 (PDT)
:My bullshit detector is going off. I get the feeling this might be an attempt at "Trollbusting".--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 14:43, 27 August 2010 (PDT)
:: Agreed. I think he's just trying to throw us off. He wouldn't have said it was a "misunderstanding" and we would be seeing massive levels of Tard rage. But I have a question: On the off chance that this isn't sum Trollbustin', do you think that he'll drop his money back into it trying to get all the downloads he had? Or will he just give up and start playing the Hex Bawx/Wii? - [[User:Captainhowdy|Captainhowdy]] 14:46, 27 August 2010 (PDT)
:::: He probably only needs to re-download the things. He seems to acknowledge this because he doesn't mention his games getting wiped, he's just upset that his save files and miscellaneous downloads were deleted. [[User:KarryLing|KarryLing]] 14:51, 27 August 2010 (PDT)
:::::<s>If it's true that he did format his HDD, then does that mean that he when he re-earns an achievement/trophy/whatever, then his PSN friends will be able to see that he has done so? I don't have a PS3 personally, so I don't know how the whole friends thing works. This seems like the most immediate way to see if he is telling the truth, though</s> disregard that i suck cocks. -[[User:Beemunk|Beemunk]] 14:53, 27 August 2010 (PDT)

Back on the topic of the page, I think someone should add to the page that he was obviously bullshiting due to him admitting defeat and using that high pitched voice the entire video.--[[User:Hans Gruber|Hans Gruber]] 17:11, 27 August 2010 (PDT)
==Wut==
It seems that he is suggesting that trolls were trolling him to get to his PS3. I guess he's thinking that, since he holds it in high regard, it is something everyone has respect for. The last part is what gave me this idea. As far as I can tell, he's saying that all the agony and stress caused by CC is suddenly gone, as if his sole objective has been completed. Thoughts? [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 17:00, 27 August 2010 (PDT)

Talk:Matthew Nobles call

2010-08-19T04:06:56Z

Hans Gruber:

This is important shit guys, mostly detailing Bob's theory of the conspiracy that trolling originated from [[Megan]], Michael Synder, and "a few gay guys."--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:38, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:Yeah, this is awesome. Now, if we had Matthew's email, we could verify the "George Millson" case a few of us are looking into, seeing as it's possible proof of Chris hypnotizing someone into believing Chris is a good person. --[[User:Eniggy|Eniggy]] 19:02, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
::What are you talking about? --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 20:13, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:::Either look at the talk pages of either CypherFDP, Msummers or me, or email enginegeorge@yahoo.com asking what happened between him and Chris. --[[User:Eniggy|Eniggy]] 20:41, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
* Most upsetting Bob oriented thing to date. He's equally responsible for Chris growing up to be a useless sack of shit. I liked the world better when I thought it was all Barb's fault. [[User:Sully|Sully]] 19:06, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
** It's the final proof that Chris's vague understanding of reality and tendency towards conspiracy are just him puppetting his senile father and white trash mother. --[[User:TubularMonkey|TubularMonkey]] 20:04, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
*** I think you mean "parotting". I doubt Chris is able to project his delusions onto even his own parents. --[[User:SeventhBase|Seventh]][[User Talk:SeventhBase|Base]] 23:14, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
*** Even further than that, the fact that Chris didn't tell his parents about his near-arrest and tried to hide it proves that he is either very afraid of them or will do anything to avoid trouble (even if it is impractical or impossible). I'm also very interested in this apparent theft of Chris's funds. I'm wondering if someone really did break in to mess with his account, or whether Chris bought more shit than he could afford, and is trying to cover it up by claiming "trolls did it" --[[User:SargentPickles|SargentPickles]] 20:25, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
**Sully, I knew all along that Bob was behind Chris's shit as much as Snorlax. My suspicion was confirmed as fact to almost everyone else (including you) with this call. Just because he punished Chris once in the past does'nt mean that he's a good parent. --[[User:Famicon64|Famicon64]] 17:58, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
Who is that at the end? Sounds like Chris but...really off... - [[User:Captainhowdy|Captainhowdy]] 20:02, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
* Snorlaxicus Maximus. --[[User:TubularMonkey|TubularMonkey]] 20:04, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
** Oh snap! So is this her longest appearance in recorded media? - [[User:Captainhowdy|Captainhowdy]] 20:06, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
*** This needs to get transcribed, this is really good material. [[User:Notslowpoke|Notslowpoke]] 20:13, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
**** ffffffffffffffff why did it get cut off at the end? i wanna hear more of snorlax's rambling --This post brought to you by [[User:ShotgunJones|ShotgunJones]] 20:17, 15 August 2010 (PDT). Thanks for reading!

Nine hours without a transcription. Sons, I am disapoint.
:I'm on the part where Bob talks about trolls hacking Chris's e-mails. This shit is gold. --[[User:Espanolic|Espanolic]] 20:44, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:*Fuck. As usual, something new comes along when I'm at work. I'll take a look as soon as I get home, assuming Beat doesn't get word of this and leap upon it like the sexy, caped crusader for justice that he is. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 21:01, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

Transcribed. Hopefully without too many mistakes. I'll colorize it as soon as I get myself nice and drunk. --[[User:RTBHBX|RTBHBX]] 21:02, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:And colored. Tugboat Captain if you see any of your additions that I missed coloring, sorry, and please reinsert them. Oh, and I redacted the gAME pLACE phone number because I wasn't sure how kosher it was. If anyone wants to throw it in go right on ahead. --[[User:RTBHBX|RTBHBX]] 21:25, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:* Added a thing here or there, I was working on transcribing it for the past few hours too, but ya beat me to it.--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 22:48, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

And maybe it's just me, but when Matthew says his own name at the beggining, it soulds like Nobles, with an "s". Confirm/deny? Anybody actually know him (how'd we get this in the first place)? --[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 22:52, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
**Actually, I've listened to it, and it really does sound like he's saying Nobles. - [[User:CypherFDP|CypherFDP]] 02:58, 16 August 2010 (PDT)

**I made some very minor changes, including adding the s onto the first Nobles. [[User:Enibure|Enibure]] 19:39, 16 August 2010 (PDT)

IMO, "Matthew Nobles" had a pretty good idea here, but completely botched the delivery. When Bob says something crazy, Matthew doesn't even try to correct him; instead he just pauses, says "Sir...", and then repeats whatever he was saying before. [[User:Bunsteaks|Bunsteaks]] 19:53, 18 August 2010 (PDT)

==File format==
Could someone with a converter link to an mp3 version of the file? None of the media players on my computer support .ogg files. [[User:Ganondorfdude11|Ganondorfdude11]] 19:47, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

*Use VLC, dude.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:48, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

*Firefox is also compatible, lrn2google.--[[User:Hans Gruber|Hans Gruber]] 21:06, 18 August 2010 (PDT)

== Best Buy/Bank incident ==

Do we know more about this bank incident? Sounds to me like Chris probably got caught up in some sort of scam and blamed the DAMN DIRTY TROLLS for it. [[User:KarryLing|KarryLing]] 22:09, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:Considering how stupid and naive Chris is, I wouldn't put it past him. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 22:26, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:So, either trolls deliberatley going after him, some usual credit card fraud that happened to happen to Chris, or Chris lying out his ass to try to cover himself. Either way, Matthew is a master of Zen for speaking with a straight voice after that paragraph.--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 22:47, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:I doubt it's as much "credit card fraud" as Chris-chan [[Chris and money|being his own spend-spreeing self]]. Bob got a wind of his statement, and Chris did the first thing that came to his mind: blame someone else. --[[User:SeventhBase|Seventh]][[User Talk:SeventhBase|Base]] 23:09, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
::Either way, if trolls actually did it or Chris did it and is now lying about it, someone could get in some serious trouble for credit card fraud. If it is indeed Chris' doing, this could get good. [[User:KarryLing|KarryLing]] 01:36, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
:::Well, if it ''is'' Chris' own fault (which *is* the most probable scenario), it's not fraud- if somehow he did commit fraud, it'd be entirely on accident, I'm sure. Lying to your parents about your massive debt; dumb as all fuck (read: par for course), but not illegal. Chris stealing his parents cards; that IS fraud, but the only way that'd get taken to court is if Bob and Snorlax themselves somehow decided to kick Chris out and sue him. As fucking awesome as that'd be, not a chance in hell. --[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 02:03, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
:::: I think Chris just spent too much money and blamed those DAMN DIRTY TROLLS--[[User:Monkeytacoz|Monkeytacoz]] 07:48, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
:::: What I meant by fraud is assuming that somehow (Likely through Bob or Barbara) Chris finds out that he can call the credit card company and say that the charges were unauthorized and get them taken off the account. I could see Chris abusing this very quickly. [[User:KarryLing|KarryLing]] 12:13, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
::::: Oh, in that case: :D --[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 20:14, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
:::::: It shouldn't be that hard to convince Chris to upload a copy of his latest credit card statement. We know he spends a LOT on [[PS3|PSN DLC]], but what about his other purchases? Credit card companies take fraud claims very seriously, and would at the bare minimum shut off the card while they conduct an investigation. --[[User:Captkrisma|Captkrisma]]

==Follow up call?==
I totally think somebody should phone them up again pretending to be the owner of the GAMe PLACe this time, following on from this comment from Bob:

''"Now, if you would like to have me talk to your owner I would be glad to- and my wife would be glad to go to a meeting with him about your place and how it's corrupting the whole neighborhood!"''

It'd be nice to hear some more conspiratorial shit from Boblax about how the GAMe PLACe is "corrupting the whole neighborhood!", and we know that they are chomping at the bit to talk to the owner. Just a though...-[[User:Beemunk|Beemunk]] 22:17, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

*"It's all a plot by the GAMe PLACe in league with the Greene County School District to persecute our son for being autistic. The Jews and gays are sent by them to harass Christian just for being the understanding, God-fearing, well-adjusted, mature young man we raised him to be. There's also some connection to the hispanics and blacks to keep him from getting a job and taking away all the white women keeping him from his true love."--[[User:PhilRaptor|PhilRaptor]] 23:29, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

:*Could be worse: Bob and Chris could know the word "Sheeple."--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 00:57, 16 August 2010 (PDT)

::*Worse yet, Bob could know people in the Tea Party. --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 09:03, 16 August 2010 (PDT)

==You do realize...==
That Matthew sounds just like Alec Benson Leary right? Coincidence? I think not. --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 22:50, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:Apparently we don't like to disclose identities of trolls, but I think "ALB" of the calls, the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] cameraman, and the Mr. Hyde of [[Magical Man Potion]] are the same person. Probably a Charlottesville FA. --[[User:SeventhBase|Seventh]][[User Talk:SeventhBase|Base]] 23:07, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
::I thought the same thing when he started talking. This is the most interesting thing to happen in months, hopefully we can find out about the credit card business and all of that. --[[User:Straw|Straw]] 23:28, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

== Letter ==

What sort of letter would Bob want to be sent? Chris steals troll-related mail and Bob is already talking to the (supposed) Game Place employee on the phone, so what sense does it make to want a letter? --[[User:Straw|Straw]] 23:49, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:Bob doesn't know that Chris steals the troll mail.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 00:03, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
::Too bad we do not know the mechnics of how exactly. Like does Bob or Snorlax actually get the mail out of the box, or does Chris do it? If maybe Bob would see stuff on a postcard before Chris got to it.--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 00:55, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
:::Well, if they receive a large number of postcards/letters over one day or a week containing information they may not know (house tour still being online and whatever else people can think of), they would have a better chance of seeing something or Chris getting freaked out at all these letters coming in from around the country. --[[User:Straw|Straw]] 03:53, 16 August 2010 (PDT)

== Sent video to Michael Snyder ==
{{Not A Forum}}
I sent the video to Michael on YouTube; he needs to get a hold of this and address the video considering that Bob and Barb want to talk to him THAT bad. Even though he probably gets hundreds of messages and somebody may have already sent him the vid, I just felt it was important that he got a hold of this. --[[User:Famicon64|Famicon64]] 10:00, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
:Isn't there a possibility Michael won't be happy that someone is pretending to work at the Game Place? I don't really know his personality or how he feels about the trolling but if it brings him into it I'm not really sure if he wants that. --[[User:Straw|Straw]] 10:05, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
::I bet Mike would see the caller's intentions (knock sense into Chris's parents); even though he might be a little miffed that someone was posing as an employee of his store, he's unlikely to go ballistic over the matter like Chris would because the caller was only trying to reason with Chris's parents. --[[User:Famicon64|Famicon64]] 10:21, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
:::Regardless how he takes the use of his store as a cover, I am sure Mike will be more than glad to share with us his views of his rise to fame as a conspiracy mastermind. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 10:38, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
::I was just thinking this as well. Posing as anyone from The Game Place is pretty risky. There's a big potential for collateral damage to innocent parties. --[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 13:31, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
:Why would you decide to be the guy to do this? If Snyder reacts poorly to someone posing as one of his employees, we could easily be the ones to lose out. You also (presumably) have no idea if alerting Snyder conflicts with the plans of the person who was good enough to bring us this call. I've been happily lurking the CWCki for a stupidly long time and have never felt the need to get involved, but was moved to register today just to point out that this may be a stupendously dumbfuck move. [[User:LisaLisa|LisaLisa]] 16:48, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
::Pretty much what LisaLisa said... I've looked at your talk page, and you have a history of doing shit that is totally unnecessary without asking. You'd think you would have learned by now.--[[User:Inos|Inos]] 05:09, 17 August 2010 (PDT)

*When you say they want to talk to Snyder that bad, are you getting that from where they say they want to talk to the owner? Cos they don't mean Snyder, the owner is someone else. If you're talking about them accusing Snyder of fraud, well, maybe that's something he should be made aware of. --[[User:Silomentality|Silomentality]] 17:35, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
**The latter was the reason why I alerted Snyder; accusations of credit card fraud and stealing money from somebody's bank account are extremely serious, especially behind somebody's back (in this case Mike's). If he knew of the allegations, the Chandlers could be in deep shit for accusing him of a crime that he never committed, especially when there is no evidence of fraud. --[[User:Famicon64|Famicon64]] 19:15, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
**God dammit Famicon, don't do this ever again. [[User:RachmaninovDESU|RachmaninovDESU]] 05:22, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
*** That was a really dumb thing to do Famicon. --[[User:Monkeytacoz|Monkeytacoz]] 08:26, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
**** Hey, Famicon. If accusations caused legal trouble the way you think they do, half the internet would be in prison. You're a fucking idiot. [[User:Sully|Sully]] 09:56, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
***** Whatever --[[User:Famicon64|Famicon64]] 10:20, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
***** BTW Sully (and everyone else pissed with me), you're the idiots here for seriously expecting me to cover up an alleged plot that I was never notified of. Hell I'll even CALL the Game Place if you guys don't chill out about this >:). --[[User:Famicon64|Famicon64]] 10:28, 17 August 2010 (PDT)

Famicon sez: "You! You! Every damn last one of you! YOU are the shitheads!" Hey, you know what? Fuck you, you slow-in-the-mind. --[[User:Sonijew is back|Sonijew is back]] 00:42, 18 August 2010 (PDT)

****** Let guess, you're going to scream JULAYY, right?--[[User:Monkeytacoz|Monkeytacoz]] 10:53, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
****** Jesus Christ. I think there should be some sort of application process/IQ test before people are allowed in here/PVCC/etc. [[User:Xanatos|Xanatos]] 11:24, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
****** Goddamnit, Famicon. How old are you? 12? That's the only type of person I could think of who would do something as stupid as that. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 11:58, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
****** You were never notified? Since when did anything have to be run by you? Nobody is pissed because you did something without the approval of an inner circle that doesn't exist, people are pissed because what you did was fucking retarded. [[User:Sully|Sully]] 11:53, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
******* *also parrots what other people have already said, adding nothing and cluttering up this page even further* -[[User:Beemunk|Beemunk]] 12:20, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
Yeah, I’m going to agree-

There’s been a rash of these (people preventing the natural occurrence of events, like with the wallflower) lately, and maybe the lack of content lately is driving the less tempered kooky, but it really needs to get toned down.

I know you little kids want to be the next great troll, but honestly, you’re not that good. Why not just make a quick post asking if this would be a good idea? Is it because if you mentioned the idea on here before implementing it, maybe someone else would do it before you and get the credit?

Stop trying to gain reputation. Next time, Famicom64, ask and gain the wisdom of the crowd. If your idea is as dumb as your last one, you’d get some insight as to why and the possibility of potential damage would be prevented. --[[User:ScottyBNickles|ScottyBNickles]] 12:14, 17 August 2010 (PDT)

* Famicon, this isn't a goddamn coverup. If it was, you wouldn't know dick about it. It's a prank call that was released to the CWCki for everyone to enjoy during the current dry spell and in your attempts to be a SUPER HARDCORE EPIC TROLL you've made yourself out to be a jackass. Then, when confronted about it by far more skilled trolls like Sully, you have the nerve to give him an attitude? Where do you get off? Saying "My bad, I guess my plan wasn't so great" or something of that nature would've been entirely sufficient but instead you responded with "whatever" and called everyone idiots for being (rightfully) pissed with you. Trolling is about teamwork, especially when it comes to Chris. We work together in a group, we run things by each other, and if we screw up we accept it; not pass it off and pretend like we were right all along. Ya dun' goof'd, admit it before you make an ass out of yourself even more. --[[User:Thorgnzorrg|Thorgnzorrg]] 14:09, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
** Well said there. This stuff was risky as,and could have easily been prevented with a degree of intelligence. --[[User:MEANWHILE|MEANWHILE]] 15:14, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
**I don't do much here, so feel free to disregard this, but while the reasons behind what Famicon did were pretty retarded, I think that Michael should have been informed about this. He, Lucas, and Mimms have all been supportive, tacitly or otherwise, of us for a long time, and Mike should at least be extended the courtesy of being told when we're doing things that might involve him. While the allegations that Bob and Barb threatened to bring up would most certainly come to nothing, Mike should still be made aware of the possibility of two irate rednecks getting ready to call his boss. If he was informed before all this, however, again, disregard this. [[User:Torchwood|Torchwood]] 15:21, 17 August 2010 (PDT)
Champ's asked that messages of these kind not be posted here anymore (see [[CWCki:News|the news section]]). I think everyone involved has got their point across. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 16:16, 17 August 2010 (PDT)

Prank calls

2010-08-10T06:33:07Z

Hans Gruber:

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.

==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|3whf9k9z_Nk}}
</center>

===Transcript===
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
 '''Bob:''' Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Would it be possible for me to get your name?
 '''Bob:''' You called me.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
 '''Bob:''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone.[''Inaudible.''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] - that's just what you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
 '''Bob:''' Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
 '''Bob:''' I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
 '''Bob:''' That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible.''] - speak distinctly.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's depar-Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I don't understand why you're callin' me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' What insurance department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
 [''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Are- are you the sheriff's department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Good. Why did you call me?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you! Listen!
 [''call dropped; redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
 '''Barbara:''' What's the phone number comin' in?
 '''Bob:''' Nothin'.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, hang up!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' This is the sheriff's depar- Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Well, insurance department of what?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] - pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
 '''Bob:''' YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
 '''Bob:''' I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Fuck you.
 '''Bob:''' Forget my number! Alright?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Whatta ya need done?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Duncan Construction.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' This is who?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
 '''Bob:''' What is on your mind, sir?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] No.
 '''Bob:''' Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' No.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, why are you calling my number?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you
 '''Bob:''' Well then... uh why are you speaking with me?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I have been called 15 times.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?!?!?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, i'm sitting here in my living room; watching TV.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't know who you are or where you are, but... and I don't really care! But you... I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why your cussin' at me!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' OK
 '''Bob:''' ''[In the background, Bob and Barbara converse]''
 ''[troll holds in laugh]''
 '''Barbara:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Barbara:''' Who are you calling?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you
 '''Barbara:''' Well, you're fucked up somehow; goodbye.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I'll bust your head wide open if I could see you!
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''somber music plays in the background'']
 '''Bob:''' Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
 '''Bob:''' I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, i'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
 ''[call ends]''
 ''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''

==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of trolls attempt to prank call Chris, yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and yells at the trolls.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|SZyS7SDVyMQ}}
</center>

===Transcript===
'''Troll 1:''' [''whispers insults at the time it's taking for someone to answer'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' JULAAAAY JULAAAAY JULAAAAY!
 '''Bob:''' What the hell's that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
 '''Troll 2:''' Woah woah woah, are you Bob Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
 '''Troll 2:''' Umm
 '''Bob:''' You got some funny ass ideas about playing games of mind on the telephone don't you. Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Troll 1:''' [unintelligible] We got his fucking dad. Shit.

==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|oR27uIDz9d4}}
</center>

===Transcript===
'''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Don't say that.
 '''Bob:''' Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 [Call likely cut - redialed]
 '''Bob:''' I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
 [Redialed]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello!
 '''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Bob:''' Why do you bother to call this phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't call us anymore.
 '''Bob:''' Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Bob:''' I'll start cussing at at you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 ''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
 '''Bob:''' Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 [''Bob hangs up'']

=='Epic Crazy Lady' calls Bob==
A troll using a soundboard of a super loud Fundamentalist yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|V2yasF8ngxU}}
</center>

{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}

===Transcript===
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Who do you think you are?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who or what is...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
 '''Bob:''' Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
 '''Bob:''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
 '''Bob:''' Who do think I am?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
 '''Bob:''' ...or whatever you are.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Fine.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
 '''Harlem Barber:''' Barbershop
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Harlem Barber:''' [''Whistles'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.

==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|5Hz1i7QJEf0}}
</center>

{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

===Transcript===
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Bob:''' Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who do you think I am?!
 '''Bob:''' I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Bob:''' Okay. There is on the internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' -what's happened to me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Bob:''' Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I still didn't understand you.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy
 '''Bob:''' -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
 '''Bob:''' Listen I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just cut it down, cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Barbara:''' Hello there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Barbara:''' Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Barbara:''' Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
 '''Barbara:''' We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of weird people out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
 '''Barbara:''' I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy.

== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, we learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|fIoS-gPOA0k}}
</center>

{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}

===Transcript===
'''Bob:'''-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Is-
 '''Bob:''' -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the internet is playing games with ya.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you telling me that somebody out there on the internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
 '''Bob:''' That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the internet but if that's-
 '''Bob:''' I don't use the internet either but my son does.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh-
 '''Bob:''' These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son-your son is a
 '''Bob:''' -one of the ways they do it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son is a cartoonist?
 '''Bob:''' Yes he is.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
 '''Bob:''' Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the internet uh looking up cartoons on the internet and uh I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
 '''Bob:''' Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
 '''Bob:''' Well it's Sonic and chu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh so-
 '''Bob:''' Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
 '''Bob:''' Ever since before the year 2000-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh
 '''Bob:''' -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the internet with the world.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoo-
 '''Bob:''' They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoofing.
 '''Bob:''' I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, you-your
 '''Bob:''' Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There-there are
 '''Bob:''' I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
 '''Bob:''' Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I am very sorry to hear that sir.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I-uh oh man I uh-- have you reported this incident yet?
 '''Bob:''' Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this internet crime stuff-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
 '''Bob:''' [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -they are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' They are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
 '''Bob:''' That's right they won't do a thing about it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Yeah-
 '''Bob:''' The caller ID won't block it or anything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you a Republican sir?
 '''Bob:''' I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That is-
 '''Bob:''' I didn't vote for Obama that's-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I did not vote for Obama either.
 '''Bob:''' Heh. What part of New York are you in?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
 '''Bob:''' -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
 '''Bob:''' Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' General Electric?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah General Electric.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah well I retired from there so.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just want-
 '''Bob:''' I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh--whate-- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
 '''Bob:''' I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
 '''Bob:''' Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think it's
 '''Bob:''' next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
 '''Bob:''' Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
 '''Bob:''' It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
 '''Bob:''' That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh what was-
 '''Bob:''' -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh yeah uh that's-
 '''Bob:''' [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
 '''Bob:''' Somebody might not like your son on the internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
 '''Bob:''' Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the internet.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well that's just wrong.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Have you gotten the police involved yet?
 '''Bob:''' It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
 '''Bob:''' We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an internet matter it's federal government
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Apparently-
 '''Bob:''' -federal government says we don't have any money.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the internet; they only care if it goes on-
 '''Bob:''' That's absolutely correct.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
 '''Bob:''' We've learned to just ignore it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
 '''Bob:''' I'll be alright.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Alright take care now.

== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|ZNHIbffirxU}}
</center>

=== Transcript ===

 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
 '''Bob:''' Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
 '''Bob:''' My home phone number's been on the internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
 '''Bob:''' I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
 '''Troll:''' Well, um...
 '''Bob:''' Why you callin' my number?
 ''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
 '''Bob:''' I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
 '''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
 '''Troll:''' Your-
 '''Bob:''' If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
 '''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
 '''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
 '''Bob:''' Okay, cracker.
 [''Troll snickers'']
 '''Bob:''' Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
 '''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
 '''Bob:''' I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. [[Fail|My son has done a lot better than you have]], [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
 '''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
 '''Troll:''' I do.
 '''Bob:''' ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
 '''Bob:''' Thank you and good night.
 '''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
 [''call ends'']

== Chris calls Mary Lee Walsh and Michael Snyder ==
A troll using a soundboard of Chris prank calls [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Michael Snyder]]. However, both realize the caller to be a fake and hang up.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|YbIKBMHi6ms}}
</center>

==== Transcript (Mary) ====
'''Mary:''' Hello, Mary Lee Walsh?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You've been nothing but- nothing but a pain in my- a pain in my side! [''talking over Mary''] You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Mary:''' What are you- Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' [''again talking over Mary''] You shut up!
 '''Mary:''' I'm sorry, who am I speaking to?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler.
 [''silence'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Pussy.
 '''Mary:''' Um, who?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Mary:''' Well, I'll track the number, what do you need-
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come- I invite you to write this down.
 [''silence'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uh, yeah, you know my address, right? You got MapQuest to come all the way over?
 [''Mary hangs up'']

==== Transcript (Michael) ====
'''Madeleine:''' The Game Place, this is Madeleine. How can I help you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Madeleine:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uhh, who is this?
 '''Madeleine:''' This is Madeleine.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm sorry. Yeah, okay, well I've mis- I've misunderstan- okay, well I've- I've misun-
 '''Madeleine:''' Can I help you with something?
 [''pause, faint whispering in the background'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' We have miscommunication.
 [''unintelligible; Chris and Madeleine talk at the same time'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uhh, who is this?
 '''Michael:''' Christian.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch! [''talking over Michael'']
 '''Michael:''' You wanna talk to me, you need to ''talk'' to me.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uh, yeah, you know my address, right? You got MapQuest to come all the way over?
 '''Michael:''' Yeah, so?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now, I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Michael:''' I don't know who this is, but, uh, it's a waste of everbody's time.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 [''silence; Michael talks faintly in the background'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on!
 [''silence; Michael talks faintly in the background'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 [''silence; Michael talks faintly in the background'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''silence; Michael talks faintly in the background'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''silence'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Pussy.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Michael:''' The Game Place, this is Mike. How may I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen, boy. You get yo black ass down a gutter and stay there.
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' How about you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head?
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''call ends'']

== Bob calls Cole Smithey ==
A troll using a soundboard of Bob prank calls Christian's half brother, [[Cole Smithey]], but with little success...

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|rq06pBhkz7A}}
</center>

==== Transcript ====
'''Answering machine:''' Hi, you've reached Cole-
 '''Cole:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.
 '''Cole:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Cole:''' Hahahahahahaha.
 [''Default Skype hanging up sound, Cole hangs up'']
 [''Redial'']
 '''Answering machine:''' Hi, you've reached Cole at [''"*Bleeped out number*" is displayed on the screen, accompanied by Chris screaming'']. Please leave your telephone number twice, along with your message. Thanks. [''beep'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler. Why don't you quit dialin' my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 [''Default Skype hanging up sound, troll hangs up'']
 [''tape runs out'']

==Chris calls Golden Corral==
The same troll from the above call utilizes his soundboard once again to prank Charlottesville's local [[Golden Corral]]. Lulz ensue when he engages in a verbal conflict with the restaurant [[Manajerk|Manager]].

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|hmvnWFxBu88}}
</center>

====Transcript====
'''Waitress:''' [unintelligible]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Waitress:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' How are you?
 '''Waitress:''' Fine.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 [''at the same time''] What? / My name is Christian Weston Chandler.
 '''Waitress:''' I can't understand you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Waitress:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Waitress:''' Aah, hold on.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''pause; a radio can be heard playing in the background'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''silence'']
 '''Waiter 1''' Good morning, this is [unintelligible] speaking. How can I help you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Waiter 1''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up. You've been nothing but a- you've been nothing but a pain in my- just a pain in my side!
 '''Waiter 1''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on!
 [''call ends; redialed'']
 '''Waiter 2:''' Golden Corral, [unintelligible], how can I help you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell. Why are you- why did you start doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on!
 [''call ends; redialed'']
 '''Waiter 3:''' Golden Corral of Charlottesville, how can I help you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come- I invite you to write this down. You can find me right now; I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''call ends; redialed'']
 '''Waiter 4:''' Good morning, thank you for calling Golden Corral Charlottesville. [Unintelligible], how can I help you today?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uh, yeah, you know my address, right? You got MapQuest to come all the way over?
 '''Waiter 4:''' Yeah, you should, [unintelligible], you need the address, man?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''at the same time''] [unintelligible] / 14 Branch-
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No. 14 Branchland Court. Ruckersville.
 '''Waiter 4:''' I'm sorry, [unintelligible]?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Waiter 4:''' In Ruckersville; that's your address. I don't need your address; do you need our address?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come- I-
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What time do you think you can be by my place?
 '''Waiter 4:''' I'm not coming to your place.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Waiter 4:''' Why would we come to your place, man?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You've been nothing but a- you've been nothing but a pain in my- just a pain in my side!
 '''Waiter 4:''' Man, I think you need to stop calling this number, because I don't know what's up, but obviously you've [unintelligible] from somewhere, and you're calling our restaurant, and we do not deliver, and I don't know who you are, so [unintelligible] you need to stop calling, thank you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on!
 [''call ends; redialed'']
 '''Waiter 5:''' Good afternoon, thank you for calling Golden Corral of Charlottesville, this is [unintelligible] speaking, how can I help you [unintelligible]?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 '''Waiter 5:''' Okay, look. Let me be really frank with you. Stop calling this damn number, bitch. Alright? [unintelligible] I suggest-
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Waiter 5:''' [unintelligible]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 [''call ends; redialed'']
 '''Manager:''' Hello!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' At least I don't go around lying, pretending that I am an astronaut.
 '''Manager:''' Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Manager:''' Why do you keep calling here?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You've been nothing but a- you've been nothing but a pain in my- just a pain in my side!
 '''Manager:''' [unintelligible]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler.
 '''Manager:''' Christian what?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Christian Weston Chandler.
 '''Manager:''' Okay, well, you need to stop calling us [unintelligible], okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Manager:''' Yeah; otherwise I'm going to have to call the police.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court. Ruckersville.
 '''Manager:''' 14 Branchland Court, Ruckersville.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Go ahead, go ahead and take it to the police!
 '''Manager:''' I will, because we have no idea who you are!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Manager:''' Now, do you have a home number? I can have somebody from our [unintelligible] contact you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Manager:''' [unintelligible] so you don't want us calling your damn phone, do ya?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Manager:''' Yep, that's what I'm writing down, man. And, uh, stop calling the damn phone, okay? 'Cause you're crazy.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I don't know.

==Phone Harassment==
A troll using a soundboard of Bob harasses several people over the phone. Lulz ensues.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|dkPTB461mLo}}
</center>

====Transcript====

 '''Frankie:''' [''Unintelligible''] How may I help?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 year old man.
 [''Pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Frankie:''' Do you have a question for a [''Unintelligible''] this mornin'?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay. Can I explain something to you?
 '''Frankie:''' Okay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter-
 '''Frankie:''' [''Interrupting, unintelligible'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' - And stay there.
 [''Call ends'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't care what you are or who you are.
 [''Redial'']
 '''Frankie:''' Hi this is Frankie can I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello? Hello?
 '''Frankie:''' Hello this is Frankie, can I help?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth. Who are you?
 '''Frankie:''' [''Unintelligible''] Thank you, bye.
 [''Call ends'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker! You get your black ass down in the gutter.
 [''Redial'']
'''Frankie:''' [''Unintelligible''] Can I help?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I explain something to you? Can I do that?
 '''Frankie:''' No.
 [''Call ends'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well let me explain something to you.
 [''Redial'']
 '''Frankie:''' [''Unintelligible''], How can I help?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy, I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa, we're basically a neighbor of yours. Who is this?
 [''Call ends'']
 [''Calls Blockbuster'']
 '''Jarred:''' Blockbuster Video, Jarred speaking, how may I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you and what's goin' on?
 '''Jarred:''' Huh?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Jarred:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Jarred:''' I'm... not, may I ask who this is?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Cut it down. I'm Robert Chandler. Why are you callin' my phone?
 '''Jarred:''' I haven't placed a call today.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you fucking my phone?
 '''Jarred:''' Excuse me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy. Why are you fucking my phone?
 '''Jarred:''' Um.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Jarred:''' Yeah, I'm gonna to go ahead and hang up. Thank you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You the mayor of Big Daddy's pizza? Is that what you said?
 [''Ends call'']
 [''Redial'']
 '''Jarred:''' Hello, Blockbuster Video, Jarred speaking.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Now listen you motherfucker. You get your black ass down in a gutter and stay there. Okay?
 '''Jarred:''' I'm, I'm not sure what you're on about, but I haven't placed a call today.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Let me explain something to you. I didn't call you, but I'm tryin' to explain how these people do it! Okay?
 [''Pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' May I explain something to you?
 '''Jarred:''' Go ahead.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in Ruckersville, Virginia. I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours. You come over here and I show you what's the matter.
 '''Jarred:''' Sir I'm in [''Clipped''] Kentucky, I'm not anywhere near-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] Oklahoma! I've got a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Jarred:''' Right.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes. I've got a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also. So I'm a neighbor.
 '''Jarred:''' Okay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Jarred:''' I haven't called you sir.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Jarred:''' Very well.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hello there!
 '''Jarred:''' Hello.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' There are a lot of- lot of weird people out here and we didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...uh...thing that's going on.
 '''Jarred:''' Didn't having anything to do with what that's going on? You cut off for a second.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Sir or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are. Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Jarred:''' I haven't called, nor cursed at all.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Jarred:''' Oh, very well.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening.
 '''Jarred:''' I'm trying to understand, but I'm not quite getting it because there has not been a phone call placed from this phone today. This is a Blockbuster Video, and we don't call out.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I didn't call you but I'm tryin' to explain how these people do it. There is on the internet.
 '''Jarred:''' Yes.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' A bunch of trolls, and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID.
 '''Jarred:''' Righ- [''Unintelligible, being talked over'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay. They have the program in their computer that allows them to dial numbers, anywhere in the country and put in as the caller I.D., any particular telephone number they want too.
 '''Jarred:''' Right.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now this the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they even gived it a name called spoofing.
 '''Jarred:''' Uh huh.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Now they persecute people. You called me. Why are you calling me? I'm 82 years old. I'm an 82 year old man. Okay, cool it down, I'm trying to be nice to you. Okay?
 '''Jarred:''' And I'm trying to be nice, but I'm, as I said, the, we, if some is indeed hacking our number, we did not actually place the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good. Okay?
 [''Ends call'']
 [''New call'']
 '''Dude:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Let me explain something to you. Can I explain something to you?
 '''Dude:''' Who, who you tryin' to reach?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Okay? Can I do that?
 '''Dude:''' No!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Spoofing. Can I do that?
 '''Dude:''' No.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You shouldn't be upset like that. I'm an 82 year old man. Cut it down.
 [''Call ends'']
 [''New call'']
 '''Sam:''' Sam (Anses?), how can I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Sam:''' Hello.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you callin' me? Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Sam:''' hello? Who's this? Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler. Can I explain something to you?
 '''Sam:''' What?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Let me explain something to you. Listen, you motherfucker, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. Okay?
 '''Sam:''' Huh.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well right now it's midnight, what in the world do you want?
 '''Sam:''' Uh, no one called your phone.
 [''Call ends'']
 [''Redial'']
 '''Sam:''' Sam (Anses?), how may I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 years old, now I live in Ruckersville, Virginia. Hehe, you come over here and I'll show you what's the matter.
 '''Sam:''' [''Unintelligible, away from the phone''] Called me twice, [''Unintelligible'']
 '''Other Guy:''' Hello!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello, I beg your pardon?
 Bob and the Other Guy at the same time: '''Hello?'''/'''Hello?'''
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' And I live in Ruckersville, Virginia. Hehe, you come over here and I'll show you what's the matter.
 '''Other Guy:''' I'm sorry?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Other Guy:''' Who's calling your phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Cut it down. Can I do that? Can I explain something to you?
 '''Other Guy:''' You can do whatever you want, I don't know who the hell you are or what you're calling me for.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler. Let me explain something to you. There is on the internet, a, a bunch of trolls, that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they even-
 '''Other Guy:''' [Interrupting] Okay, and how does this relate to me? I'm at work here, can I help you with something?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Spoofing, S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.
 [''Call end'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Cut it down.
 [''New call'']
 '''Perry:''' [''Unintelligible''] This is Perry, how may I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Perry:''' Yes.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can you speak slowly, and one syllable at a time, so I can understand you?
 '''Perry:''' This is the Fairfield Inn at West Des Moines. Can I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay. Can I explain something to you?
 '''Perry:''' Yeah, sure.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Perry:''' Oh man up!
 [''Call ends'']
 [''Redial'']
 '''Perry:''' [''Unintelligible''] Crystal Inn, West Des Moines, this is Perry, how may I-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy.
 [''Talking over each other'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Perry:''' [''Unintelligible''] if you have a crap with me, why don't you go ahead and call the police, have them get a hold of me, otherwise you stop bugging this facility-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting, talking over'']
 '''Perry:''' I'll have the phone tapped, and we'll find your dumb, old ass, and you know you told me you were going to kill yourself once, why don't you go ahead-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting, again''] You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. Well, who do you think I am?
 [''Call end'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Bastard!
 [''Redial'']
 '''Perry:''' [''Unintelligible''] suites, West Des Moines, this is Perry, how can I help you?
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hello there! [''Talking over Perry''] Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are.
 [''Call ends'']
 [''Redial'']
 '''Perry:''' [''Unintelligible''] suites in West Des Moines, this is Perry, how can I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, I'm tryin' to be nice to you, and explain what's happening.
 '''Perry:''' Have them call me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Perry:''' [''Unintelligible''], so, this is my last warning to you, do not-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Perry:''' -call here again.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Cool it down, I'm tryin' to be nice to you.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hang up the phone and forget the number!
 [''Call end'']
 [''Redial'']
 '''Perry:''' Good day, Fair Field Suites at West Des Moines, my name is Perry, how can I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' my phone?
 '''Perry:''' Dude, you need to lay off whatever you're doing. Stop calling here, this is a business.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I explain something to you?
 '''Perry:''' What town do you live in?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Perry:''' Well then, you call the police there, you have them call me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting and talking over''] Hehe, you come here and I'll show you what's the matter.
 '''Perry:''' I'm too busy to deal with this sir, lay off the alcohol. Goodbye.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hehe, you come here and I'll show you what's the matter.
 [''Call ends'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Bastard!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Frank Garrett?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Frank Garrett?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello? Can I explain something to you? Can I do that?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Frank Garrett?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You're being a victim of the internet people that persecute people.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You don't say?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I help explain something to you?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Frank Garrett?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. Listen you motherfucker, get in your low-life gutter and stay there.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You don't say?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you fuck my phone?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Frank Garrett?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you fuck my phone?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Frank Garrett?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you fuck my phone?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Frank Garrett?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you callin' my number?
 [''Video end'']

==Bob calls the US Department of Education==

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|K-yX5D9hAmk}}
</center>

====Transcript====
''[Intro music: "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" by Smashing Pumpkins]''
 '''Larry:''' This is Larry speaking. How can I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Larry:''' How are you doing today?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Larry:''' This is Larry speaking. How can I help you today?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Larry:''' OK. And how are you doing today, Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Larry:''' OK. And you called, sir... Did you say Robert Chandler?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Larry:''' All right. Um, last four of your Social was ''[redacted]''.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Larry:''' OK. I do have to let you know this call may be monitored for quality assurance. How can I help you today, Rob? You called in here?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Larry:''' My name is Larry Griffin, sir.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Larry:''' OK, we're calling you Rob, we're calling you on behalf of the United States Department of Education, sir. I do have to let you know this call may be monitored for quality assurance. Um, we're calling about your student loans that are in default, sir.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What?
 '''Larry:''' Were you aware that complaints had been filed against you, Rob?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Larry:''' You didn't know? It's been in default since 1999.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What?
 '''Larry:''' Your student loans have been in default since 1999, Rob.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm an 82-year-old man.
 '''Larry:''' You said you're what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old. I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Larry:''' And the last four of your Social was ''[redacted]'', correct?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Larry:''' And do you have any children named Rob Chandler, as well?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Larry:''' You don't? OK. Well, the Department of Education filed a complaint against you. It's under your Social Security number, uh, in the amount of $24,461.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I- I'm a Texan, now.
 '''Larry:''' You're gonna what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa.
 '''Larry:''' OK, this is for the University of Missouri in St. Louis. Did you go to, did you go to college?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Larry:''' Hmm. Well, they have your Social Security number...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' ''[Interrupting]'' I beg your pardon. I can't even understand what you're saying.
 '''Larry:''' I'm calling about your student loans that are in default with the United States Department of Education, Rob. When you went to go to school, you had to fill out for some student loans. They're in default now, because you haven't paid 'em.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' ''You'' called ''me''.
 '''Larry:''' You said what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You're the one that made the call.
 '''Larry:''' Right, we're calling to see if we can help you get your student loans out of default, before they go with further collection activity against you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Will you please quit calling me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Larry:''' We're gonna call you, it's your Social Security number. You saying that's not gonna stop us from calling you. You owe a loan.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen, you motherfucker...
 '''Larry:''' You owe the government, Rob. Cussing is not getting you anywhere, Rob.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why don't you quit dialing my number...
 '''Larry:''' Cussing is not doing anything, sir. Cussing is not doing nothing.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why don't you quit...
 '''Larry:''' I mean, come on, now. You owe a loan, Rob.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why don't you...
 '''Larry:''' Cussing is not a checkboook; it's not gonna pay your loan.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with a gutter rat.
 '''Larry:''' ''[Talking over Bob]'' Rob, what you need to understand is that we're gonna call you because you owe the government, OK?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Cut it out.
 '''Larry:''' So we're gonna continue to call, Rob.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Cut it out.
 '''Larry:''' You owe a debt.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, but I'm trying to explain how these...
 '''Larry:''' ''[Interrupting]'' Right. Right, we're calling ''you'', to try to help ''you'' out, so you can get your loans out of default. You being mean and cussing is not helping nobody out.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Larry:''' Rob, I'm not upset. I'm trying to help you out. You're the one upset cussin'.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Cut it down.
 '''Larry:''' Cut it down?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Cut it out.
 '''Larry:''' Cut it out, come on, now. Rob, do you want to handle this voluntarily or not?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Larry:''' Huh? You do?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Larry:''' OK. So you're not workin' right now, Rob? You're not receiving any income?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Larry:''' OK. So who, how have you been surviving then?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Larry:''' I wanna get your loans out of default, Rob! That's why we're calling you, because you have student loans that are in default with the United States Department of Education.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Then why did my phone ring?
 '''Larry:''' Didn't you just call in?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Larry:''' Did you just call in here?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Larry:''' You didn't just call in here? I mean, I just answered the phone, Rob.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Larry:''' Rob, we're gonna call you because you owe the Department of Education. You owe the government money, Rob, that's why we're calling you. Because if you don't wanna pay...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just not answering my telephone.
 '''Larry:''' ...we still have to call you, OK?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I haven't called..
 '''Larry:''' Do you wanna get your student loans out of default?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I haven't called your house. I'm the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Larry:''' Right, right, right, so we're trying to help you out, Rob. Do you wanna get your student loans out of default?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Larry:''' You don't want... do you want them to go into garnishment against you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Larry:''' My crap? I mean, Rob... What are, what are you talking about?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get in your low-life gutter and stay there.
 '''Larry:''' Low-life gutter and stay there? Are you serious? This is...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' ''[Talking over Larry]'' Listen, boy.
 '''Larry:''' ...not how to get your loans out of default. I'm not a boy.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen, listen, you motherfucker!
 '''Larry:''' I'm not that, either, OK? Rob, do you want to handle this voluntarily or not? I need to know what to document your account as.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Larry:''' We're calling you for the... Rob, I'm gonna say this for the fifth time. We're calling you to let you know you have student loans that are in default with the United States Department of Education. We need to make you aware of what's going on, Rob. OK?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are and who you think I am.
 '''Larry:''' Were you aware of this? I think you're Rob Chandler, last four of your Social ''[redacted]'', and that's why I did let you know this call may be monitored for quality assurance.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Larry:''' Right, last four of your Social were ''[redacted]''...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old.
 '''Larry:''' ...''[unintelligible]'' against you in the amount of $24,461.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years...
 '''Larry:''' So we're seeing if this could be handled voluntarily, before they keep the account and go forward with further collection activity against you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old, but I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Larry:''' You're 82 years old?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Larry:''' Do you live at 1040 Clare Ridge Place?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' So I'm a neighbor.
 '''Larry:''' Huh?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I was born in Fort Worth and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Larry:''' OK. And the last four of your Social is ''[redacted]''. You don't live on Clare Ridge Place?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You come over here and I'll show you what's the matter.
 '''Larry:''' I'll come over there and you'll show me what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You come over here and I'll show you what's the matter.
 '''Larry:''' OK, OK, Rob, look. What are we gonna do here? This back and forth with you cussin' on the phone is not helpin' nobody out. It's not makin' nobody a better man.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my number?
 '''Larry:''' So what is, what is, what is the purpose of this call, Rob?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Larry:''' Well, actually, you called in here. I answered the call, Rob.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Will you please quit calling me, and leave my phone alone?
 '''Larry:''' Rob! I did not call your line, I answered the line.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' OK?
 '''Larry:''' ''[They are talking over each other until the final line.]'' You know what, Rob?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care..
 '''Larry:''' All right. You know what? I'ma just mark this as a refusal to pay, Rob.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' ...but you're invading my privacy, and you're cussin' at me, and I don't...
 '''Larry:''' ''[Unintelligible]'' refusal to pay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What?
 ''[Exit music]''

==Chris calls the Ku Klux Klan==

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|jqHU_mfAcHU}}
</center>

====Transcript====
'''Receptionist:''' [cut off] -eadquarters.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening, sir, how are you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Good! What can we do for you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come- I invite you to write this down: 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Receptionist:''' And what would I be writing that down for?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What time do you think you can be by my place?
 '''Receptionist:''' I'm not sure if I'm coming to your place! Why should I come there?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler. What time do you think you can be by my place?
 '''Receptionist:''' I think in about 30 seconds I'm gonna hang up if you don't explain to me what this is about.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic. I am internet-famous for being the original creator of Sonichu and Rosechu, the electric hedgehog pokémon. What can I do to make up for that?
 '''Receptionist:''' Umm... you know, that and two cents will get you probably anywhere you want to go I guess, umm... I don't know why I should come to you. Uh, people come here. We have a national headquarters, we have a business here. And, uh, that's the way to go.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on!
 '''Receptionist:''' Uh-huh. That's what I thought. Goodbye now!

==Chris calls PETA==

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|nwGhjfCYuq0}}
</center>

====Transcript====
'''Receptionist:''' Thank you for calling PETA.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening, sir, how are you?
 '''Receptionist:''' I'm a lady, but I'm good, how are you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm doin' good. Oh, things have been great for me, you know, I just finished the dating episode, it is fantastic!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Wha- you did what?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Receptionist:''' Uh- I'm sorry, I really don't know what you're talking about, you're not making any sense.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Alright, that's cool. How can I help you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come- I invite you to write this down:
 '''Receptionist:''' You what-?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court. Ruckersville.
 '''Receptionist:''' ...What?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now, I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Receptionist:''' You need to turn your radio down or whatever you're screaming into, it's not working very well. I don't under- is there something I can help you with?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. What is it, let me try to help you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm 27. I'm currently living with my mother and my father. I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Receptionist:''' That's alright. I'm 28. I live on my own. I'm not autistic. But that's okay too, I mean do you have questions about animals?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Receptionist:''' Alright, what are they?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I've got a lot more experience than you could imagine.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. Experience for what?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' So, uh, did you get the comic pages I sent you?
 '''Receptionist:''' I don't know, um, we might've. We're a really- we're kind of a big organization and I don't really work in that department. Um...
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uh, who is this?
 '''Receptionist:''' Do what?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uh, who is this?
 '''Receptionist:''' This is a- this is the front desk.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.
 '''Receptionist:''' So I would see, uh, I wouldn't see anything that you sent.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I am full of surprises!
 '''Receptionist:''' You- I know, you sound like it! That's exciting. I love surprises.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Yep. Um, well, do you have any questions about anything or is there someone I can direct you to? Um...
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' [''giggles''] Okay, um, well, what are they?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay! Um... that's- that's cool. Um... that's alright. Um, do you have any questions about what's going on with animals or, I mean, you're calling PETA so I'm trying to get you through to the right person. I have a question.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm happy to oblige with an ans- with an honest answer.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. Why are you calling from a number that I get a lot of prank calls from?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' [''giggles'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I don't know!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay, well, um, I am trying to help you out with answering some questions and if you don't have any I'm going to let you go, but when you do have some questions you could always call us back but we close, um, at, we close in about eight minutes.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being crazy.
 '''Receptionist:''' No, I don't feel like you're crazy, I feel like maybe you just don't have, um, your questions together yet, so if you want to, you can put them together and then give us a call back!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes, I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 '''Receptionist:''' It would be less frustrating for you. I can do this all day.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Yeah. Okay, um, well, I'm gonna let you go, but have a lovely evening and, um, if you have any questions just feel free to give us a call back tomorrow and maybe at a better time, okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay, well you have a really good night, and, um, hopefully we'll be able to answer some questions soon, okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening.
 '''Receptionist:''' Alright, bye-bye.

==Chris Chan hates Frank Garrett==
A Troll using various prank victim soundboards calls Chris. Chris once again proves his low intelligence by [[fail|pretending to be his voicemail]]

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|oP9GFAU0nd4}}
</center>

====Transcript====
'''Chris:''' Hello I am un-un... I am unavailable to take your call right---
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello you Stupid Mother Fucker You! [--talking over Chris]
 '''Chris:''' Please call back later, goodbye.
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Well I don't give a shit!
 '''Jackass Plumber (soundboard):''' You sick bitch!
 [''redialed'']
 '''Chris:''' Didn't ya hear me? I said quit calling and call back another time!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Who gives a shit?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Chris:''' Hello you have reached the cellphone of Christian Weston Chandler--
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Oh Fugg Kyew Fat Boy! [--talking over Chris]
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry I can't answer right now but please-- (stops abruptly)
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Nobody's calling your number.
 [''Video end'']

[[Category:Phone calls]]

User:Hans Gruber

2010-08-09T08:49:25Z

Hans Gruber:

{{collapsible|userboxes|
{{Americunt}}
{{LiquidChris}}
{{ClydeCash}}
{{Hex-Box}}
{{Warrior}}
{{Krapplefag}}
{{Straight}}
{{White}}
}}

Oh hi. I'm new. I've known about Chris and since late 2008/early 2009. I discovered the Cwcki since January 2010, I've never registered on a wiki before so I'm not too familiar with it. Don't expect me to make many changes to the Cwcki besides grammar (and maybe a couple of other things) because I'm a grammar nazi and I double check with google. Now I'm not sure why you're still reading this as it's boring as shit.

User:Hans Gruber

2010-08-09T08:39:34Z

Hans Gruber:

{{collapsible|userboxes|
{{Americunt}}
{{LiquidChris}}
{{ClydeCash}}
{{Hex-Box}}
{{Warrior}}
{{Krapplefag}}
{{Straight}}
{{White}}
}}

Oh hi. I'm new.

User:Hans Gruber

2010-08-08T09:48:29Z

Hans Gruber: Created page with "Oh hi. I'm new."

Oh hi. I'm new.

Talk:August 2010

2010-08-08T09:45:58Z

Hans Gruber:

<blockquote>
Chris is seen at his creepiest, saying "I love you, Mother" to Barb.
</blockquote>

What's creepy about loving your mother, bro? —[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 08:39, 7 August 2010 (PDT)
:It's how it sound. saying "I love you Mom" is not very creepy and actually endearing. Saying "I love you Mother" sounds like either Chris is a robot or has lost attachment with humanity.[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 08:51, 7 August 2010 (PDT)
::That, and he's a fat manchild living with his parents. What else do you need to know? [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 09:02, 7 August 2010 (PDT)

Where's the proof for this? There has been trolls before who've made up stories. I'm not ready to believe anything just because of a dry spell. --[[User:Hans Gruber|Hans Gruber]] 02:45, 8 August 2010 (PDT)