CWCki - User contributions [en]

Pmurt

2025-01-26T19:19:52Z

HarryHowler: /* LGBTQ */

{{quote|[[COVID-19|No, I don't take responsibility at all.]]|Donald Trump, 2020}}

{{quote|Plus, Trump is just too damn rich And [[Chris and hypocrisy|immature]]. And "Trump" spelled backwards is "Pmurt", which rhymes with "Hurt", and he would badly "Pmurt" this country in office.|[[Chris]]}}

{{infobox
| title = Donald Trump
| image = [[Image:Trump.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Donald John Trump
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = Pmurt [[$50 for a video holiday greeting!|A Mean One]] [[March 2017 Facebook Posts|Number 45]] [[React to SNL 41-4 Darn Ol' Tramp 45|Darn Ol' Tramp]] [[:File:July26DonaldTrumpArtwork.jpg|Drumpf]] Drumpftastic [[November 2024 social media posts#Sentinel Fucked Up Prime|Sentinel Fucked Up Prime]]
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = 14 June 1946 (age {{Age|1946|6|14}})
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = [[MALE]]
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = [[United States|American]]
|label6 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6 = White
|label7 = Occupation
|data7 = Real estate developer Television host President, [[United States]] (2017-2021), (2025-)
|label8 = Preceded by
|data8 = [[Barack Obama]] (2017) [[Joe Biden]] (2025)
|label9 = Succeeded by
|data9 = [[Joe Biden]] (2021)
|label10 = Sagas
|data10 = {{saga|pmurt|cn}}
}}

'''Pmurt''' is a [[CWC-isms|CWC-ism]] for billionaire businessman and 45th and 47th President of the United States '''{{w|Donald Trump}}''' (born [[Pre-1980#1940s|14 June 1946]]). He initially pronounced it "murt", based on his opinion that the P is silent when the name is said backwards;<ref name="diff">[[Something Completely Different - A few Transformers Jokes, also anti-Pmurt]]</ref> however, in [[Eid, Pmurt, Eid|Eid, Pmurt, Eid!!!]], he pronounced the P.

Known for being a wealthy real-estate developer and socialite in New York City as well as host of the reality television game show ''{{w|The Apprentice}}'', Trump became the Republican Party's nominee for the presidency three times, in 2016, 2020, and 2024. He managed to pull off an upset Electoral College victory against [[Barack Obama#White House gag|Hillary Clinton]] in 2016 but lost in 2020 to [[Joe Biden]] amidst the [[Covid19|Covid-19]] pandemic. The 2024 election initially shaped up to be a rematch between Trump and Biden, but Biden's exit from the campaign due to his advanced age led to Trump's Democratic opponent being Vice President [[Kamala Harris]] instead. Trump won the election by a larger margin than he had in 2016, winning the popular vote for the first time as well as the Electoral College.

Starting in the latter half of 2016, Chris started to become vocal about his intense dislike of Pmurt on Facebook. In spite of how passionate he feels about Pmurt, Chris's understanding of contemporary politics continues to be exceptionally poor. On 8 November 2016, Chris participated in the US presidential election and voted for Clinton.<ref>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Chris and Barb vote for Hillary]]</ref> Following news that Trump had won the election, Chris reacted by making multiple [[death threats]] against him and Vice President-elect {{w|Mike Pence}}, which is actually [[Chris and the law|against the law]].

Since encountering the [[Idea Guys]], however, Chris has largely lost interest in politics in favor of engaging in his [[messiah complex]], and as such, has mostly forgotten about Trump. He never addressed his impeachment, which seems odd considering that it was the closest he came to being removed from office early. Nonetheless, Chris slowly became more interested in the 2020 election in the final weeks before election day, particularly after Trump contracted [[COVID-19]]. After a drawn-out election in 2020 due to complications with counting a substantial increase in mail votes compared to previous years, Trump lost his re-election bid and was succeeded by [[Joe Biden]] as President. Chris completely lost interest in the former President by early 2021, though he still holds Trump in very low regards as suggested by recent [[Jail arts]] from [[2022]].<ref>[[OfficialCWCmart Jail Art#"Prideful Interview With God", dated_06/19/2022]]</ref><ref>[[OfficialCWCmart Jail Art#"Akashic Record Zone Act 1∞∞ (One Infinity Squared)", dated 11/12/2022]]</ref>

After Trump won the presidency again in 2024, Chris's reaction was to refer to Trump as "[[November_2024_social_media_posts#Sentinel_Fucked_Up_Prime|Sentinel Fucked Up Prime]]" on Twitter, a surprisingly more mature take than the tantrums and death threats from 2016 (as is likely he now realizes doing the latter again could throw him in federal prison).

==Meaning of the name==
{{quote|Well, at least MY face ain't fuckin' orange!|Chris, [[DivineTrial|several]] [[At Least My Face Is Not F3c7ing Orange|separate]] occasions before 2016}}
[[File:Pmurt Dlanod.png|thumb|This is what Chris probably believes.]]

This CWC-ism comes from a [[September 2016 Facebook posts#Registered to vote|Facebook comment from 25 September]] (partially quoted above), in which Chris says that "Trump spelled backwards is "Pmurt", [[Random-access humor|which rhymes with hurt, and that Trump would badly "Pmurt" the US if elected]]".

Reversing Trump’s name has twofold meanings. Firstly, names are particularly sacred to Chris;<ref>[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]]</ref><ref>[[To Clyde Gregg]]</ref><ref>[[Exposing Jeff]]</ref> in his eyes, mocking someone's name will severely degrade them—this article will establish that Chris has enormous disdain for Donald Trump. Secondly, Chris has historically assumed that saying something backwards induces subliminal stimuli<ref>[[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L]]</ref>—which he believes are enormously influential on the psyche ''and'' the physical body.<ref>[[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]]</ref> Therefore, Chris may believe reversing Trump's name, in a negative context, might effectively alter his audience's perception of him. Beyond the random-access humor, Chris probably thinks his rendition of Trump’s name is a serious presidential objection that everyone needs to consider.

Chris continued using this backwards name in subsequent Facebook posts and videos.

==Opposition to Trump==
[[File:CWCiki IntroductionPMURT.jpg|thumb|The changed banner on the CWCki front page just after Pmurt's election in 2016.]]
{{quote|You have Got to be kidding! Trump is most [[Chris and hypocrisy|Immature]], [[My Little Pony|Uncouth]], and [[Chris and reality|Not Valid to be president]]. Trump will ONLY make the Country go [[Financhu Crisis|BROKE]], as Groening predicted, and ALL the money will ONLY go to his own debtors and the Fat Cat Rich People, and Hardly ANY for us in the middle class and below. Not to mention he is Anti-[[SLGBTQ|LGBTQ]], Anti-Immigrants, he [[Women's rights|puts down Women VERY BAD]], and he is an all-around Bad Person.

Hillary will [[Monthly tugboat|Tax the Fat Cats and fill the middle class]] and lower and get the country less in debt. And She is PRO-LGBTQ and [[Niggos|Immigrants]], AND She is more beneficial for EVERYONE in General. AND, this country is long Overdue for a Woman's touch.

You should Watch ALL Three Debates On YouTube. I'll send you the links in chronological Order.|Chris<ref name="misc">[[Misc texts#Anti-Pmurt]]</ref>}}

Chris has historically never had any real interest in politics. Combined with his general indifference towards anything intellectual in favor [[Video games|of]] [[Lego|nobler]] [[Mass debating|pursuits]], it's perplexing that Trump's involvement in politics would concern Chris as much as it does. Speculation has suggested a more personal root to Chris's animosity. As Chris’s view of politics effectively begins and ends with himself, the true root of his anger lies somewhere in the bramble bush of his [[Chris and psychology|confused psyche]].

For one thing, Chris is highly [[Naive|impressionable]]. As discussed later on this page, the LGBT blogs and groups he follows on Facebook have a negative opinion of Trump, as they generally do with most right-wing politicians due to their left-wing biases. Going off of the minimal amount of information he's absorbed from said blogs, Chris has said that he is afraid of what a Trump presidency could mean for him and his [[Tomgirl|lesbian soul]]. This is in addition to the general trend among popular culture and major media outlets, which has also been severely critical of Trump. Considering how Chris [[Family Guy|takes things he sees in media at face value]], it makes sense that he would readily and eagerly accept these sentiments without a second thought.

Ironically enough, despite Trump's anti-LGBT policies<ref>[https://www.hrc.org/news/the-list-of-trumps-unprecedented-steps-for-the-lgbtq-community The Real List of Trump's "Unprecedented Steps" for the LGBTQ Community]</ref> and the potential policies that he claimed that he would consider implementing (but never did), Chris was hardly affected by any of them due to being a NEET (Not in Education, Employment, or Training) and too old to experience some of the issues facing younger gay and trans Americans. One of the only areas where Chris would have been negatively affected was with the restriction of a few response options on the Census, although there's no evidence suggesting that he actually took part in it.

Chris has shown that he picks his candidates based on who he can identify with more. On account of his [[Chris and gender|gender confusion]] and [[JERKS|dislike of men]], Hillary Clinton was far more attractive to him simply because she was a woman. The evidence for this is overwhelming, especially considering that he once compared her with Sarah Palin.<ref name="Feb">[[Update 02/16/2016]]</ref> This is also consistent with Chris’s fondness for [[George W. Bush|George W. Bush]] and [[Barack Obama|Barack Obama]], both of whom he voted for because he liked them personally.

Especially salient to this discussion is the mentality behind Chris’s [[Brand loyalty|brand loyalty]]. Once Chris picks a [[PS3|side]] on something, he will defend that side no matter what due [[Naive|to a]] [[Chris and reality|misplaced sense of]] [[Autism|rigid devotion]]. This time the side he picked has down and out lost. Chris has been legally able to vote since February 24, 2000. He's never mentioned voting for a losing candidate in a presidential election before. It's possible that his explosive anger is based partially in the fact that his favored candidate didn't come out on top this time.

Chris has provided the following reasons for why he dislikes Trump. It’s unclear how many of these are his actual opinions and not just things he’s parroting from what he’s heard on the internet. As the astute of you will quickly notice, many of the negative qualities he accuses Trump of having are ones that [[Chris and hypocrisy|he himself possesses]].

===On character===
[[File:No Drump flag.png|thumb|A Trump flag that Chris [[The Place chats - Pennsylvania Trip|vandalized before signing]] in 2020.]]
*He "[[Death threats|is very spiteful]]".<ref>[[July 2016 Facebook posts#Christine's Driver's License and Woman's Card]]</ref>

*He is an "[[Chris|immature brat]] who mocks everyone".<ref name="reg">[[September 2016 Facebook posts#Registered to vote]]</ref>

*He "was a [[Autism|one-track tape]], [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|repeating himself]] [[Honor roll|on pat [sic] deeds]] [[CADD|that he was "proud"(?)]] of".<ref name="debate">[[September 2016 Facebook posts#"Thoughts" on the debate]]</ref>

*He is "[[Chris and anger|hot-headed]], [[Chris and money#Chris and impulse spending|impulsive]], [[Clyde Cash|orange-faced]], [[Chris and money#Barb's toxic influence|money-grubbing]], [[Barbara Chandler|double-dealing]], [[Chris and race|immigrant and race offensive]], and most offensive [on] [[Homos|the LGBTQ]]".<ref name="just">[[2009-2016 tweets#I have given my issues and feelings of Trump some thought. They are justified...]]</ref>

*He "[[LoveYouLongTime E-mails, 2013-2014#OkCupid - She's overweight and unappealing|puts down Women VERY BAD]]".<ref name="misc"/>

*His "[[Megan emails, 2008#Chris continues bothering her about ED|Womanizing and raping actions]]".

*He is a [[JERKS|male]]. In February 2016, Chris said, "I feel like American [sic] needs a woman's touch finally after all these years"<ref name="Feb"/> as a reason for why he wanted Hillary Clinton [[Women's Rights|to become president]]. On 20 November, he stated Trump "is of SOO Many Typical Offensive [[MALE]] Stereotypes, he probably was born with Two damned "Y" Chromosomes instead of the usual "XY" pair".<ref name="just"/>

*He is "[[Chris and reality|Not Valid to be president]]".<ref name="misc"/>

Interestingly, both Trump and Chris have been accused of sexual harassment. While Trump is legally considered a rapist in regard to his unwanted sexual harassment of E. Jean Carroll, Chris shockingly got off scot-free for his [[Affair With Mother|incestuous affair]] after spending over a year in jail, and is not considered a sex offender.

===On the issues===

*He "Wants [[Chris and race|the immigrants to build their own "Keep Out" wall so [he] would kick them all out]]".<ref name="reg"/>

*He has "ideals of [[Chris and money|cutting finances]] from all of the more important resources the country needs in communities and feeding the industries from the National Debt. And he acted against the immigrants in that topic as well; [[Monthly tugboat|they have to work too, you know]]".<ref name="debate"/>

*He "will ONLY make the Country go BROKE, as Groening predicted, and [[Chris and money#Bank lawsuits against Barb|ALL the money will ONLY go to his own debtors]] and the Fat Cat Rich People, and [[Financhu Crisis|Hardly ANY for us in the middle class and below]]" and "Hillary will Tax the Fat Cats and fill the middle class and lower and get the country less in debt".<ref name="misc"/>

===On issues relevant to Chris===
[[File:Pence.png|thumb]]
====LGBTQ====

Chris was especially paranoid in his belief that Trump and Pence "hate" the LGBTQ community.<ref name="reg"/>

Chris has said he does "not just despise Trump and Pence, but as a Leabian [sic] Transwoman, and high-functioning autistic person, I fear, too, what would happen with those two God-damned jerks in the White House". In addition, he said, "I fear the loss of my own rights alongside our other LGBTQ community people's as well".<ref name="h8">[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Hate and fear of Trump and Pence]]</ref>

However, he has been vague in explaining ''why'' any policies they could implement would affect him. Chris does not face discrimination in the workforce, or in society ([[Chris and the law|at least not from being transgender]]). Throughout their entire term, Trump and Pence did not criminalize the LGBT community nor they legalized widespread discrimination of them. Sure, large segments of the Republican Party are anti-LGBT, but they generally know that doing such a stunt would be political suicide. LGBT rights were admittedly a thorny issue going into the 2016 election, likely due to same-sex marriage only having been legalized throughout the country via a Supreme Court ruling the previous year; however, the president cannot unilaterally override a Supreme Court decision, and even the more conservative justices appointed by Trump during his term are highly unlikely to strike down the earlier ruling, as the court historically has refrained from making decisions which deprive large groups of individuals of their rights, due to such decisions (relating to African-Americans and slavery) in the early-mid 19th century being seen as a major cause of the American Civil War.

Although he's released conflicting statements on the matter, Trump expressed some progressive ideas regarding transgender issues, at least prior to being first elected president. Chris is aware of this but still refuses to give Trump credit, saying he is "most offensive to us in the LGBTQ communities, regardless of his Transgender bathroom choice statement".<ref name="just"/> In any case, the only major anti-LGBT policy Trump implemented during his first term was barring transgender people from serving in the military (which was reversed almost immediately after he left office), so LGBT people did not simply poof out nor were imprisoned or executed the moment Trump was inaugurated as Chris assumed. His second term was a different story, as on his inauguration day he signed an executive order specifying that the federal government would no longer recognize transgender individuals and that biological sex is fixed at conception and cannot be altered by any means. Whether or not this will stand up to any legal challenges remains uncertain given that a Supreme Court ruling near the end of Trump's first term extended the provisions of the Civil Rights Act to LGBT individuals, but so long as the Virginia state government continues to recognize transgender individuals it should have relatively little affect on Chris's day-to-day life.

Chris also criticized Pence, saying that "[[Chris and politics|Pence is just as much Anti-LGBTQ and everything else that Trump is]], so my feelings are the same with that rat bastard as well, very much".<ref name="just"/> His criticism of Pence, however, was a little more understandable, since he has indeed promoted anti-LGBT policies and is firmly against same-sex marriage, like many other Republicans. In fact, the aforementioned military transgender ban was his idea. For Trump's second term, Pence was replaced by {{w|J.D. Vance}} as Vice President-elect. Chris has not publicly expressed any opinion about him.

====[[Monthly tugboat|The tugboat]]====

Trump was critical of welfare in the past and throughout his campaign.<ref>http://www.ontheissues.org/2016/Donald_Trump_Welfare_+_Poverty.htm</ref> Should he find Congress agreeable, one of his aims could have been to pass legislation limiting welfare’s funding and availability. Chris was dimly cognizant of this and feared that he may end up finding his tugboat reduced or even completely taken away. Throughout Trump's term, Congress did not propose or pass any legislation on the matter, as such, Chris continues to receive his tugboat without any problems.

On 14 November, he stated:<ref name="hang">[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Lego Trump and Pence hanged at the gallows]]</ref>

{{quotebox|they would drain money from [[Monthly tugboat|SSI]], making my mother and I closer to broke.}}

In truth, what makes Chris and Barb closer to broke is ''[[Financhu Crisis|themselves]]''. Given the rapid decline in their finances, he was hoping Hillary Clinton's policies would increase his tugboat revenue, [[Naive| if not bail the Chandlers out entirely]].

Chris has adamantly refused to budge on his anti-Trump positions. On 20 November, after radio silence following Lizzy the Lezzy readers and his Facebook friends criticizing him for his repeated death wishes, he said, "there is Nothing, nor any amount of time or whatever else, that would make it the cold day in the earth's core to Ever make me have even a remote inkling of a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma of any change of feeling or heart of mine about Trump ever".<ref name="just"/>

==Chris's news sources==
On Facebook, Chris routinely browses pages on LGBTQ culture, such as Lizzy the Lezzy. In the wake of the 2016 election, many of those pages became inundated with articles written with a clear anti-Trump angle. Chris forms and reinforces his opinions on Trump based on those articles, rating many of them "Angry".<ref name=notablereacts>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Notable reacts]]</ref>

It's likely that Chris simply skims headlines or opening paragraphs without taking the time to read the articles. The second example was taken one hour after Chris posted to [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Hate and fear of Trump and Pence|a Lizzy the Lezzy comments section]];<ref name=notablereacts></ref> given that he was also busy with responding to its readers, it is impossible for him to have thoroughly read the articles. That Chris can't be bothered to learn more about the issues he apparently feels so seized with emotion over is emblematic of his [[Chris and Ego|arrogance]], [[Honor roll|stupidity]], and [[Stress|laziness]]. Chris refuses to even try to understand the issues at hand and so his understanding of Trump and American politics is consequently abysmal.

Chris has also [[Honor Roll|cited an episode of ''The Simpsons'']] as one of his major sources for being anti-Trump,<ref name="reg"/> which is appropriate considering [[Chris and television|one of the ways he wastes his time]] in lieu of acting like a functional adult.

==Anti-Trump petitions==
Chris signed several online petitions in an effort to prevent Trump from assuming the presidency.

*[https://web.archive.org/web/20161214114138/https://act.credoaction.com/sign/russell_amendment A petition opposing the "anti-LGBTQ Russell Amendment"]

{{quotebox|On January 20, Donald Trump and Mike Pence are going to enter the White House.

They campaigned on a platform of hatred, bigotry, racism, misogyny, and xenophobia...

...[The Russell Amendment] would reverse existing nondiscrimination protections for 28 million people in the federal contracting workforce. That means employers could fire someone or refuse to give them a job because they have a same-sex partner, use birth control, are single mothers, are transgender, or even simply don’t practice the same religion as their employer.}} Of course, Chris supported this petition—probably because it disparages Trump and references the transgender community. It's unlikely he actually read or understood its contents.

*[https://www.change.org/p/electoral-college-electors-electoral-college-make-hillary-clinton-president-on-december-19 A petition calling on the Electoral College to disregard the election and install Hillary Clinton into the presidency]

Chris also signed this petition, in the hopes that on December 19, 2016, the Electoral College would "ignore" the results of the 2016 Presidential election since Clinton won the popular vote. This did not happen.

==Death threats==
[[Image:Feelings of the election results (720p 30fps H264-192kbit AAC).mp400001.png|thumb|Chris, wishing for Donald Trump's death.]]

Chris's hatred of Trump is so great that he made four videos of himself role-playing acts of violence on him with ''[[Transformers]]'', ''[[My Little Pony]]'' and ''[[Lego]]'' toys, with two of those occurring before the election,<ref>[[September 2016 Paid Video Requests#Paid Message to the Trolls]]</ref><ref name="diff"/> including one where he destroyed [[List of toys#Transformers: Titans Return|a Transformers toy]], further showing his lack of [[Chris and money|financial]] [[Financhu Crisis|sense]].

'''Timeline'''

On November 9, 2016, Chris began making several enraged [[death threats]] against the then President-elect. He continued his tirade in the following days, adding Vice President Mike Pence to his death prayers the next day, in spite of the possibility that it could land him in serious legal trouble. According to [http://uscode.house.gov/view.xhtml?path=/prelim@title18/part1/chapter41&edition=prelim United States code], a threat against the President is punishable by a fine and/or a maximum of five years in prison.

Chris has gotten himself into [[Chris and the law|legal trouble]] multiple times in the past, to the point that he has six misdemeanors on his record, with four of those stemming from assault crimes. He is also having [[Financhu Crisis|financial trouble]]. Despite Chris' repeated calls for Trump and Pence to die, they made it unscathed through their four-year terms.

Given that Chris's address is public knowledge, the possibility of the Secret Service visiting and interrogating him for his threats and then either agents or Barb forcing him to not divulge anything should not be ruled out and could be the reason why he eventually stopped making threats.

[[Image:Legotrumppence.jpg|thumb|left|Trump and Pence depicted being murdered in Lego form by Chris, part of a line of his perceived enemies who have been the subject of his [[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Voodoo-Wise|voodoo-magic]] [[LoveYouLongTime E-mails, 2013-2014#OkCupid and Impotent Rage|revenge fantasies]].]]

===2016===
'''9 November'''

*3:28 am - Chris posts on Facebook that he wants someone to assassinate Trump with a sniper rifle. Chris's Twitter account automatically tweets the post.<ref name=assassin>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Chris wants Trump assassinated]]</ref> Throughout the day, many [[Chris in the media#Death threats against Trump|high-profile Twitter users]] retweet the post. Several Twitter users say that they reported him to the FBI and Secret Service.<ref>http://archive.is/bHnGQ</ref>

*3:39 am - Chris [[Eid, Pmurt, Eid|uploads a YouTube video]] depicting him smashing a ''Transformers'' toy in effigy of Trump, while screaming "die!"

*3:40 am - Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Eid, Pmurt, Eid!!!|posts on Facebook]] again. He links to the YouTube video and says Trump "should Die now" before taking office. The post is also tweeted by his Twitter account.

*5:15 am - The "sniper rifle" death threat disappears from Facebook.<ref name=assassin></ref>

*8:30 am - An Infowars.com [https://archive.is/er3oP article], featuring Chris's death threat in tweet form, is published.

*11 pm - The same threat disappears from Twitter.<ref name=assassin></ref>

'''10 November'''
*4:07 am - Chris tweets the Infowars article.<ref>[[2009-2016 tweets#10 November 2016.1]]</ref>

*4:23 am - Chris tweets that he wants his audience to join him in wishing death to the then President-elect Trump before January 2017.<ref name=wish>[[2009-2016 tweets#10 November 2016.2]]</ref>

*6:53 pm - Chris again tweets to pray for Trump's death. He also prays for then Vice President-elect Mike Pence's death. He then links to [https://act.credoaction.com/sign/russell_amendment a petition] from Credo Action, concerning the "anti-LGBTQ Russell Amendment".<ref>[[2009-2016 tweets#10 November 2016.3]]</ref>

'''13 November'''
*2:06 am - Chris [[Feelings of the election results|uploads a YouTube video]] in which he uses Legos to role-play Mike Pence murdering Trump and getting arrested. He then holds up a sheet of paper, with the handwritten words (backwards and facing himself):

<center>{{quotebox|(Before January 2017) Die, Trump, die, or by illness, by Mike Pence's hand.}}</center>

*2:36 am - Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Feelings of the election results|posts on Facebook]] about being annoyed by leftover Trump/Pence campaign signs. It is unknown whether or not Chris will [[Sonic Boom Protests|take down the signs himself]].

*5:06 am - Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Feelings of the election results|posts on Facebook]], linking to the Infowars article. He then tries to justify his behavior by saying, "I'm not the only one who wants him dead".

*9:17 pm - Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Hate and fear of Trump and Pence|posts]] to the Lizzy the Lezzy comment section, asking the readers to pray for Trump and Pence's deaths "before Thanksgiving". Many people respond, trying to talk sense into him, to no avail.

'''14 November'''
*12:53 pm - Chris posts a picture to Facebook depicting Lego versions of Trump and Pence being executed by hanging, while handcuffed.<ref name=hanging>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Lego Trump and Pence hanged at the gallows]]</ref> The text on the photo reads:

<center>{{quotebox|Die, Trump, Die. Die, Pence, Die.

We do not want either of you in office; jail for you both is unlikely; We, the LGBTQ community, do not want to lose our protection and rights}}</center>

*1:16 pm - Chris follows up by commenting that, since prison is "unlikely" and impeachment is "difficult" then "Death upon those two before January, 2017, at this time and point is a necessary evil".

*3:07 pm - Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#I'm done adulting|posts]], saying "[[Chris and reality|Trump is Not president, mayor, or Anything in Cwcville]]".

*7:30 pm - The execution-by-hanging post, and the associated comments, disappears from Facebook.<ref name=hanging></ref>

'''15 November'''

*10:44 pm - Chris [[I Tweet AND Post Simultaneously|announces]] Facebook had temporarily banned him from posting for a week.

'''20 November'''

*5:00 am - Chris, in a 22-tweet long rant, makes several childish insults and says he had given his "issues and feelings of Trump some thought". He claims that they are "justified". He ends his rant by complaining about Twitter's 140-character limit.<ref name="just"/>

'''2 December'''
[[File:Alpha TrionYoung warrior challenge explained.mp400001.png|thumb|Playing [[God]].]]

*5:51 pm - Chris uploads [[Alpha Trion/"Young" warrior challenge explained]]. He role-plays Trump, Pence and Clinton using LEGO:

{{quotebox|So [[Chris and english|advocate]] the office, Trump! Advocate the position. And then maybe I'll take you down off of that noose.}}

'''29 December'''

*1:11 am - Chris [[December 2016 Facebook posts#Advocate or die, Trump!|returns to posting death threats against Donald Trump]] on Facebook. In response to an article on Trump and the {{w|First Amendment Defense Act|First Amendment Defense Act}}, Chris commented, "ADVOCATE THE OFFICE, TRUMP, or Die, Trump, Die!!!"

*1:43 am - Chris [[December 2016 Facebook posts#A puzzler for Trump|posts a puzzler]] for Trump. He asks Trump to consider a scenario wherein there is an alternate reality where everyone is gender-flipped and an "Anti-Straight Law" is proposed. He asks if Trump would support a law that is against the "Donald Trump(ette)" of that world. He ends by threatening Trump again: "#DonaldTrump, Advocate the Office and let Hillary Clinton run this country, For the Love of Religion, and for any shred of Self-Love you have for yourself. Or die from yours or someone else's hand."

Chris later proofread both posts, editing ''advocate'' to ''abdicate''. However, he did not tone down the death threats.

===2017===
'''4 January'''

*8:34 am - Chris tweets the link for his [[December 2016 Facebook posts#A puzzler for Trump|puzzler]] to Trump's Twitter account, with the death threat still intact.<ref>[[2009-2016 tweets#Tweeting a death threat to Trump]]</ref>

*6:03 pm - For the second time, Chris tweets his [[December 2016 Facebook posts#A puzzler for Trump|puzzler]] to Trump.<ref>[[2009-2016 tweets#Tweeting a death threat to Trump again]]</ref>

'''20 January'''

*10:54 pm - Chris reacts to news on the inauguration of President Trump on [[The United States of America has NO President or Vice President, Whatsoever|YouTube]], [[January 2017 Facebook Posts#USA has no president or vice president|Facebook]] and [[2017 tweets#January|Twitter]]. He insists that the USA has no President or Vice President, taking the "#NotMyPresident" hashtag [[Autism|a step further]] by stating that he will see "an empty chair with no audible speech whatsoever". To cap it off, he says his mind will not be changed until either Trump and Pence leave voluntarily or they "are both deceased".

===Chris on his death threats===
Chris has attempted to rationalize his constant calls for Trump and Pence's deaths and to reconcile his violent attitude with him being "bothered" that he has to "resort to death wishing on Anyone".<ref name="hang"/>

After Chris suggested to the readers of Lizzy the Lezzy (an LGBTQ Facebook page) to wish death on Trump and Pence, they instead criticized him for saying such "stupid" things.

One person said, "wishing death on people you don't like doesn't exactly make you look like a better person in comparison". Chris replied by saying that, with Trump and Pence in office, it would then be difficult to "impeach them and get Hillary in".<ref name="h8"/>

Chris has shifted on how he wants Trump to die. Upon learning of the election results, he wanted someone to kill Trump with "a sniper rifle".<ref name=assassin></ref> The next day, he asked [[Chris and religion|God]] to do it.<ref name=wish></ref> Days later, he wanted Mike Pence to murder him.<ref name="feel">[[Feelings of the election results]]</ref> He also believed it was possible that Trump will die from old age before inauguration day,<ref name="feel"/> and that Clinton would not, since "[[Bob Chandler|Men die earlier than women]]".<ref name="h8"/> Inexplicably, Chris also wants "science" to kill Trump.<ref name="just"/>

Chris has considered the notion of Trump and Pence going to prison, but has concluded that "Prison is unlikely for them, how difficult impeachment is, what other option is there?" He believes Trump should be jailed "for all of his [[Emily|sexual]] [[Catherine|assaults]] and rape on women".<ref name="hang"/>

He would prefer for Trump and Pence to simply hand over their democratically-elected positions, saying to "give the role of President, with most civil grace to Hillary Clinton. And since that is most bloody unlikely of Trump, ever, I am still most pained to continue having to pray for Trump's and Pence's Deaths to happen Before January 2017, by someone else's hands or illness".<ref name="just"/> Chris further demonstrated his lack of political understanding in a post on 4 December, in which he said that Trump should "advocate the position, and take Pence with him, and let Hillary be President, as it should Very Well Be".<ref>[[December 2016 Facebook posts#Pmurt should advocate the presidency]]</ref> Chris likely has the word ''advocate'' confused with ''abdicate'', which is a term he might have heard in [[Anne Boleyn|British TV shows]] - it's a term typically used in reference to a monarchy.

Due to his [[Autism|stubbornness]], Chris has refused to budge from his anti-Pmurt positions, even after Lizzy the Lezzy's readers ''and'' his Facebook friends criticized him for his repeated death threats. On 20 November, he stated, "I have given my issues and feelings of Trump some thought. They are justified", followed by saying, "As much as I would like to choose to be rednecked and stubborn enough to plead complete ignorance and utter denial of him and Pence not only on the verge of taking office, there is still too many damn visuals about the bastards that plain further frustrate and upset me".<ref name="just"/>

Unfortunately for Chris, he simply forms his opinions via skimming clickbait articles whose authors are inclined to disagree with Trump. Due to his [[Announcement 06292016|untreated autism]], he hasn't attempted to do any research of his own on what Trump and Pence have said and done. Instead, he opts to live on in willful ignorance, putting no effort into enriching himself with knowledge and getting fanatically emotional about matters he barely understands. It's to the point that he believed "Death upon [Trump and Pence] before January 2017, at this time and point [was] a necessary evil".<ref name="hang"/>.

==2024 election==
{{incomplete}}
[[File:CWCki_Banner_Trump2024Win.png|thumb|The changed banner on the CWCki front page just after Pmurt's re-election in 2024.]]
'''6 November'''
*8:53 am - In a [[Bluesky]] post, Chris expressed his disappointment in the results of the election, stating:

{{quotebox|I feel VEERRRY Disappointed in most of America now, and especially in that number of [[JERKS|Men]] and their self-inflated [[Chris and his ego|egos]] and [[11042009 51 50|testosterone]].}}

'''7 November'''
*10:47 am - In another BlueSky post, Chris is shocked when Caitlyn Jenner, a noted [[transgender]] celebrity, endorsed Pmurt in the election. He posts an accompanying screenshot showing that he blocked her on Twitter, [[List of Chris's lies|despite claiming to use exclusively BlueSky only the day before]].

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:July26DonaldTrumpArtwork.jpg|Drawn for the [[Help send Chris-Chan to Everfree NW]] fundraiser.
</gallery></center>

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Donald Trump wants you to take down that ED page
| ytid = KtZs_frUkIE
| Stardate = 8 September 2023
| Maker = [https://www.youtube.com/@ChristianAndTheHedgehogBoys AI Christian & The Hedgehog Boys]
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==See also==
* [[Chris and politics]]
* [[Chris and English]]
* [[Death threats]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[https://trumpwhitehouse.archives.gov/ The White House]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{PmurtSaga}}
{{PoliticalVideos}}
{{People}}
[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Politics]]
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Presidents of the United States of America]]
[[Category:Boomer Generation]]

28 October 2011

2024-06-08T11:03:51Z

HarryHowler: /* Arraignment, plea bargain, and sentencing */

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{clear}}
[[File:GuiltyInnocense.jpg|thumb|[[TRUE and HONEST]] artist's depiction.]]

{{quote|I was about to be handcuffed, but I would not have another handcuffing, so I fought, I was pinned, and I was handcuffed.|Chris, recalling his arrest.}}

On '''28 October 2011''', a date which will live in infamy, [[The GAMe PLACe]] was suddenly and deliberately attacked by forces of the City of [[CWCville]]. On that fateful Friday evening, at around 5:20 p.m.,<ref>Based on metadata from Chris's photos.</ref> [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] and [[Barbara Weston Chandler|Barbara]] visited the GAMe PLACe, where Chris had been banned since [[2008]]. Chris had then recently heard that the shop was under new management thanks to [[pedofork|sexual abuse charges]] being placed upon the previous owner, and he had hoped that [[List of places that have banned Chris|his ban from the store]] could be lifted with a new appeal.

To Chris's horror, he realized that [[Michael Snyder]] was now the man in charge, meaning that Chris was effectively trespassing [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|after Snyder told him in no uncertain terms that he was not to return]]. What happened next is still not completely clear, but Chris took a photo of the store and was escorted out, snapping an additional two photos of Michael Snyder in the parking lot. All hell broke loose when Chris allegedly hit Snyder with his car, before switching seats with Barb, who hit him again.<ref>[[This is how the Trial went]]</ref>. After this, they drove away in an attempt flee the scene. When the [[Jerkop]]s arrived, Barb assaulted one during their arrests in an effort to protect Chris. Both were subdued and arrested.

Chris and Barb were each charged with felonies, and Chris was also charged with additional misdemeanors, which meant they both were facing possible prison time.<ref>http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/18.2-10.HTM</ref> They were bonded out on 29 October,<ref>https://www.vinelink.com/vinelink/detailsAction.do?siteId=47000&agency=228&id=323013&searchType=offender</ref><ref>https://www.vinelink.com/vinelink/detailsAction.do?siteId=47000&agency=228&id=125674&searchType=offender</ref> with Chris's initial hearing taking place one week after Barb's. The Chandlers were represented in court by [[Rob Bell]], a Republican member of the [[Virginia]] House of Delegates.

On 10 July 2012, a plea bargain was reached. All of their charges were reduced to misdemeanors. Barbara was sentenced to community service and two years of probation. Chris was sentenced to community service, one year of probation, and mandatory [[Chris and mental healthcare|psychiatric]] treatment and evaluation. They also had to pay for Michael Snyder's medical expenses. By the time all was said and done, most of [[Bob Chandler|Bob]]'s inheritance was wasted on paying for a defense to justify Chris's personal vendetta against someone who tried holding him accountable for his actions. This, along with the subsequent fines, would later bite his surviving family in the ass with the advent of the [[Financhu Crisis]] a few years later.

== The charges ==
Below are the charges brought against both Barbara and Chris, along with details and court dates based on the details from the [http://epwsgdp1.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/captchaVerification.do?landing=landing General District Court Online Case Information System] & [http://wasdmz2.courts.state.va.us/CJISWeb/circuit.html Charlottesville City Circuit Online Case Information].

===Barbara's===
* '''FAIL STOP ACCIDENT > $1000 FEL''' (§ 46.2-894. Duty of driver to stop, etc., in event of accident involving injury or death or damage to attended property; penalty.<ref name="a">https://web.archive.org/web/20150205122122/http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+46.2-894</ref>)
** Class 5 Felony charge - Failing to stop after an accident where the damage exceeds $1,000 in value, from [[This is how the Trial went|hitting Snyder with the vehicle.]]
**Amended to Misdemeanor.
* '''ASSLT: ON LAW ENF/DOC PERSON''' (§ 18.2-57. Assault and battery.<ref name="b">https://web.archive.org/web/20150611194657/http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+18.2-57</ref>)
** Class 6 Felony charge - Assaulting a law enforcement official. This occurred when Barb attempted to prevent the police from arresting Chris.
**Amended to Misdemeanor.

==== Court dates ====
* 31 October 2011 - Appeared in court to be formally charged.
* 15 December 2011 - 1:00pm - Judge Robert Downer Jr. granted a continuance for both Chris and Barb's charges.
* 5 January 2012 - 1:00pm - Yet another continuance.
* 5 April 2012 - 1:00pm - Another hearing. Both felonies go to a grand jury at Circuit Court.
* 16 April 2012 - 9:30am - Indicted on both felony charges.
* [[This is how the Trial went|10 July 2012]] - 2:00pm - Arraignment. Felony charges reduced to misdemeanors.

===Chris's===
* '''FAIL STOP ACCIDENT > $1000 FEL''' (§ 46.2-894. Duty of driver to stop, etc., in event of accident involving injury or death or damage to attended property; penalty.<ref name="a" />)
** Class 5 Felony charge - Failing to stop after an accident where the damage exceeds $1,000 in value, from [[This is how the Trial went|hitting Snyder with the vehicle.]]
**Amended to Misdemeanor.
* '''ASSAULT: (MISDEMEANOR)''' (§ 18.2-57. Assault and battery.<ref name="b" />)
** Class 1 Misdemeanor charge - Attempted or actual assault against another person, probably [[Michael Snyder|Snyder]].
* '''TRESPASS AFTER FORBIDDEN''' (§ 18.2-119. Trespass after having been forbidden to do so; penalties.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20141024104025/http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+18.2-119</ref>)
** Class 1 Misdemeanor charge - Trespassing on land or within an area from which the offender is forbidden, no doubt due to setting foot in The GAMe PLACe.

==== Court dates ====
* 7 November 2011 - Appeared in court to be formally charged.
* 15 December 2011 - 1:00pm - Judge Robert Downer Jr. granted a continuance (postponement) for both Chris and Barb's charges.
* 5 January 2012 - 1:00pm - Yet another continuance.
* 5 April 2012 - 1:00pm - Another hearing. [[Wikipedia:Nolle prosequi|Nolle prosequi]] on the trespass and assault; the failure to stop goes to Circuit Court.
* 16 April 2012 - 9:30am - Indicted on the felony charge.
* [[This is how the Trial went|10 July 2012]] - 2:00pm - Arraignment. Felony charges reduced to misdemeanors.

== Civil suit ==
Michael Snyder also filed a civil suit against both Chris and Barb on 1 November 2011, 4 days after the incident. Barb attended a second hearing on 14 November, a third took place on 15 December, at the same time as her criminal case hearing, and a fourth occurred on 5 January at 1:00 PM.

Chris's case at one point read 'Other Judgement', however, it appears to have been open again. Presumably, Chris appeared again in court on 5 January 2012 at 2:15 PM, shortly after his criminal hearing.

Before the court hearing, Michael Snyder requested and received a Preliminary Protective Order against both Chris and Barbara. This order is similar to a restraining order, and prohibits Chris or Barb from contacting Michael or engaging in any threatening behavior towards him before the hearing. The order lasts for 15 days.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20130907161034/http://www.dcjs.virginia.gov/victims/documents/poDomesticViolence.pdf</ref>

On 5 April, Snyder was awarded full Protection Orders against both Chris and Barbara. A Protection Order can last up to two years and violation of the Protection Order can result in both civil and criminal charges.

No further information on the civil suit has emerged since then, and with the Chandlers having been ordered to pay Snyder's medical bills as part of their plea bargain, it seems likely that the suit will not proceed any further.

== Chris retaliates ==

On 4 November, soon after being bailed out of jail, Chris uploaded the pictures he took of Michael Snyder on the 28th to the [[CWCki]], plastering them on the front page and the page on Michael.<ref>[[Special:Contributions/Christianchandler]]</ref> In the image descriptions, Chris [[Chris and hypocrisy|taunted Snyder for his]] [[obesity]] and claimed that he [[Pedofork|molests children]].

In the February [[Facebook]] leaks, Chris stated 'After October 28, 2011; I now have TOTAL Disrespect and Miscontent of the so-called "Officers of the Badge"' as opposed only to those in colors other than blue and black. He also produced 50 copies of a flyer calling the GAMe PLACe a "Cyber bullies' hang-out" and encouraging people to stay far away which he then left around his usual attraction locations. This led to another run in with [[Jerkops]]; Chris escaped by "hiding and weaving around the parked cars" and by driving a Mistubishi as opposed to [[Son-Chu]].

== Arraignment, plea bargain, and sentencing ==

The arraignments took place on 10 July. Two CWCki Forum members named Cyan and Indigo went to the courthouse and afterwards [[This is how the Trial went|recounted the proceedings]].

A plea bargain was settled upon because Michael did not want Chris and Barb to be stuck with felony charges. Upon sentencing, all five charges shared between Chris and Barb were reduced to misdemeanors. Rob Bell told the judge that despite this, Chris and Barb maintained their version of the events as accurate. This meant they were both technically making an "Alford plea", whereby the defendant does not actually admit to the charges against them, but nonetheless pleads guilty because they do not believe they are likely to win the case, which will still usually result in a more lenient sentence for saving the state the time and expense of a full trial.

Before Chris's turn to speak, Bell referred to him as "high-functioning autistic" and then as an "adult autistic child", much to the chagrin of Chris. When the judge asked Chris if he understood that he had to pay Michael's medical expenses, Chris, in a stunning display of [[ego]]tism even by his standards, replied something along the lines of, "Yes, but I don't think that thieving/bribing liar deserves a red cent!" He then begrudgingly pleaded guilty.

Barbara was sentenced to community service, two years of probation and was ordered to pay $474 in court costs; Chris was sentenced to community service, one year of probation, and mandatory psychological treatment and evaluation, plus jail time unless he complies,<ref>http://pastebin.com/jD4zAfX3</ref> and he was ordered to pay $247 in court costs.

The next day, Chris wrote a note on [[Facebook#You WILL be brought in!|Facebook]] confirming Cyan and Indigo's report. Chris claimed that Rob Bell confronted the two "trolls" and that the trolls will get arrested.

==Email==
Someone purporting to be in contact with Chris leaked an email, supposedly from Chris himself, shedding some light on the events of October 28. [[Surfshack Tito]] and [[Thorg]] confirmed that this email was accurate to the events of the day.

{{quotebox|1=
I tell about us two landing in jail. During a usual, yettiring, shopping outting with [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]], we had just stopped at the [[Wikipedia:Salvation Army|Salvation Army]] story on Cherry Ave and left with a few purchases. She impulsively asked
to go to the SPCA Rummage Sale, and I ended up taking 4 St. NW to stop by the [[McDonalds]] there for a cup of tea to go, when at the PLACe, now known as "C-Ville Game & Hobby" (status unchanged on the PLACe website), mom and I read the sign on the window that led me to an occurrence I was waiting for, the PLACe under New Ownership (with [[Destruction Of Chris's House|burning it down]] [[Death threats|being the alternative]]).

So, I continue ahead for the tea, and mom asked for a smoothie. On an impulse of the newfound piece of freedom, I drove back to the PLACe, upon closer inspection, I read the "New Owner" sign further, stating, "Under New Ownership of Mike & Madeline"; I had thought, [[Honor roll|perhaps it was another Mike]]. Mom insisted on coming in with me, so we did, and a few steps in, who did our eyes see in the new center counter, past employee Nathan, and Michael Snyder.

I hid behind my mother for a moment, and Mike pointed us out the door, but before leaving, I whipped out my [[3DS]], activated its camera and took his photo, then I shouted, "For [[the Internet]]". Mom and I made our way to the van and entered it; Mike followed us out, and Stood right in front of the van, thinking he was [[Wikipedia:Stonewall_Jackson#First_Bull_Run|Stonewall Jackson]]. We backed up the van some; Mike chased us. Mom took the wheel; [[Chris and reality|Mike twice made his own deliberate leg scars, rubbing his legs on our bumper, banged our hood and fell backwards; we had NOT moved our van at either instance of him faking his falls.]]

And more shit happened. Mom called [[Jerkop|911]] on my phone first (followed shortly after by Mike being handed a phone by someone else for him to make his call. Eventually, mother backed us out onto 4 St. NW, northward, and we escaped. But at the traffic light, we were caught up by a [[Decepti-Clones|cop car]]. Parked at the nearby courthouse, two of the cop cars, and us in the van, exchanged the tales of the event and our driver licenses. Eventually, I was asked to step out of the van; I was about to be handcuffed, but I would not have another handcuffing, so I fought, I was pinned, and I was handcuffed.

My NEW pair of [[Chris and money|$324]] Rx lens [[glasses]] were broken by THEM in the fight. My mother fought the police in my defense, and she was handcuffed and I was emotionally distraught, I screamed and Screamed and SCREAMED, until an ambulance came for my mother to take her to UVA Hospital; she was okay, but her [[Obesity|Blood Pressure]] was high. I was driven to, entered and thrown into a cell block. At first for a while, I was as melodramatic and sane as [[Beavis and Butt-head|Daria]], then I started going crazy, I shouted television talk and songs at random; [[Muscle bra|took off my shirt]] due to the heat; pretended to be a [[Wikipedia:Jeanie with the Light Brown Hair|genie with light brown hair]] for a while, and made an acquaintance with the stainless steel sink with a hex-shaped bowl.

I prayed a LOT to [[Jesus]] for my release and safe return home with my mother. And I banged the cell door with both my feet while lying on a folding mattress on the floor (to get those bastards to let me see and talk to my mother Eventually, my mother arrived, tried to post bail, but there were errors. [[Rocky]] was called to help us, BLESS her and her husband soo much. Then my mother was jumpsuited and jailed; I was too shortly before. And I was moved to two other cells. Only after seeing my mother in her suit pass by my second cell, did I start to calm down. I was REALLY WORRIED about my mother and her health. She Needed Me, and I Needed Her. Eventually in cell 3, I dozed off and slept for a few hours. I did not eat their food; I had Never eaten Prison Food, and I was NOT going to start then. About 3 PM on the 29th, mom and I were released, and Rocky and her husband drove us back to our van.

Now mom and I each have our own courthouse dates. I'm sure mom will be only fined, but I have the worse of cases. Mom and I, we are certain I will be found not guilty; it was a case of a Deliberate Deception, with the "New Ownership" sign from Michael, and my falling for his trap. I later printed out the facts of Mike from the [[CWCki|Cwcki]] that night, and I found the "CWC Michael Snyder Interview" video on [[YouTube]], where the clown-faced troll called Mike; Michael Snyder CONFESSES to Wanting to lure me in and land me in jail with a "[[Pokemon]] Tournament on the 22nd".

I have streamed from my [[PS3]] to my Laptop to get an MP4 of the video, and to burn the video onto a DVD-R. [[Chris and reality|With this great amount of evidence, we will find Michael Guilty of being a Troll/Cyber Bully among those who have been pestering, deceiving, tricking, blackmailing, etc, me for about 4 years now.]]

That's the story I share with you, REDACTED, in Strictest Confidence; DO NOT TELL ANYONE, PLEASE. [[Homos|Do not ask; Do not tell]]; Barbara and I are working diligently to deal with this. Currently, her court date is set on 12/15; mine is yet to be determined on 11/7, but it'll probably be on the same day as my mother's.

We have also been blessed with connections from Rocky at my church to have Robert B. Bell, Delegate, Republican, Methodist Esquire to represent Barbara and me in both of our cases. It may help to have you come in for support on my trial, and as a character witness. I will send you an update later on.

Stay Safe, REDACTED,

Christian W. Chandler<ref>http://pastebin.com/Tm9EMppU</ref>
}}

== Chris's photos ==
<gallery>
File:HNI 0020.JPG|Chris's photo of The GAMe PLACe; note that everyone is looking at the camera
File:HNI 0021.JPG|Chris's first photograph of Michael Snyder
File:HNI 0022.JPG|Snyder, channeling Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson
</gallery>

== Screenshots ==
<gallery>
File:28 Oct 2011 Barb1.png|Barb's failure to stop felony charge
File:28 Oct 2011 Barb2.png|Barb's felony assault on a police officer charge
File:28 Oct 2011 Chris1.png|Chris's failure to stop felony charge
File:28 Oct 2011 Chris2.png|Chris's misdemeanor assault charge
File:28 Oct 2011 Chris3.png|Chris's trespass misdemeanor charge
File:Chriscivil29.png|Michael Snyder's civil suit against Chris
File:Barbcivil29.png|Michael Snyder's civil suit against Barbara
File:PO-BARB.png|Michael Snyder's protection order against Barb.
File:PO-CHRIS.png|Michael Snyder's protection order against Chris.
File:CR12000096-01.png|The judgement against Chris on the FAIL TO STOP charge.
File:Chris ASSAULT- (MISDEMEANOR) .png|The judgement against Chris on the ASSAULT charge.
File:Chris TRESPASS AFTER FORBIDDEN.png|The judgement against Chris on the TRESPASS AFTER FORBIDDEN charge.
File:Barb fail stop.png|The judgement against Barb on the FAIL TO STOP charge.
File:Barb ASSLT- ON LAW ENF-DOC PERSON .png|The judgement against Barb on the ASSAULT ON LAW ENFORCEMENT charge.

</gallery>

==Fan art ==
<center><gallery>
File:ChrisChanRoth.jpg|Artist's depiction of the assault.
File:Chris mug.jpg|Artist's depiction of Chris's mugshot.
File:Chris joker.jpg| Why so serious?
File:TheJoker.png|Oh dear...
File:Chris court sketch.png| An artist provides a theoretical court sketch.
File:RAPSHT-P1.jpg| An artist compiled Chris's crimes onto a rap sheet. (Page 1/2)
File:RAPSHT-P2.jpg| An artist compiled Chris's crimes onto a rap sheet. (Page 2/2)
</gallery></center>

==References==
<references />

== See also ==
*[[This is how the Trial went]], reports from the courthouse
*[[6 June 2010]], a previous altercation with Michael Snyder
*[[26 December 2014]], a later incident that got Chris arrested
*[[Chris and the Law]]
{{GamePlaceSaga}}
{{Law}}
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:The GAMe PLACe]]

Russia

2024-02-24T08:42:12Z

HarryHowler:

{{stub}}

'''Russia''' is the largest country in the world, spanning parts of Asia and Europe, and currently led by Vladimir Putin. Chris considers both Russia and Putin to be adversaries, largely because of the anti-LGBT laws passed by Putin's government in recent years, as well as Chris following the lead of many other left-leaning individuals by blaming Putin for the election of [[Pmurt]] in 2016. Chris has made no real comment on the most contentious current issue regarding Russia, namely the 2022 invasion of Ukraine, although this can probably be attributed to (along with his general detachment from reality) the fact that Chris was still in [[Jail Saga|jail]] when the war broke out.

==Early mentions==
References to Russia began cropping up during the [[Idea Guys]] saga in [[November 2017]]. Chris was [[brainwashed]] into believing that [[Sylvana]] had been captured by Russian billionaire [[Akan]].<ref>[[November 2017 Facebook posts#Silvana is captured]]</ref>

==In the comic==
In ''[[Sonichu 13]]'', a comic devised by the [[Idea Guys]], Russia is featured as an enemy country from which forces are invading [[CWCville]]. In addition, the [[United States of America]] had lost the Cold War, and Russia had taken over its territory.

{{References}}
{{GOPonySaga}}
{{Places}}

Transgender

2023-09-23T20:37:23Z

HarryHowler: /* Fans */

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{protip|While Chris did legally change his name and gender, the CWCki continues to refer to him only by his [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|true, original gender]] and [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|GodBear-given name]], to keep consistent with [[Sagas#Classic Chris Era (27 October 2007 to 20 March 2010)|classical]] records.}}

{{quote|I would rather suffer a painful gender-change operation than ever be a [[homo]].|Chris's written testimony in ''[[Sonichu 9]]'', 2008. As of 2023, Chris has not undergone sexual reassignment surgery even after identifying as trans.}}

{{quote|[[The Incredible Lioness|I am woman! Roar!]]|Chris in ''[[Sonichu 11]]'', 2017, borrowing a catchphrase from [[Rosechu]].}}

{{quote|[[Messiah complex|We Gods]] had eased up on the views of [[Chris and English|"Adultry"]]; WHY Else do you all have Pro-Gay, and Pro-Lesbian, Pro-Trans, and all Today and the past Decades?|Chris likening the LGBT community to adulterers in [[Jail Letter - 19 September 2021|a letter from jail]].}}

[[File:Chris autographed poster listing.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris in [[2018]], two years after beginning HRT, holding a photo of himself taken a decade prior.]]

A person is '''transgender''' (or '''trans''') if their gender identity doesn't match their biological sex.<ref>https://www.dictionary.com/browse/transgender</ref> Over 1.6 million U.S. adults are openly trans,<ref>https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2019/04/02/percentage-us-population-transgender-statistics/</ref> and [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] is perhaps the most famous trans person to live in [[Ruckersville]], Virginia. In [[2011]], when Chris was 29 years old, he began exploring male-to-female gender transitioning. Starting with cross-dressing, he would gradually try DIY methods to undergo physical transitioning, which were [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis|pointless at best]] and [[Self-inflicted taint wound|dangerous at worst]]. In [[2016]], he began using legitimate means, such as seeing a professional specializing in gender issues and going on prescription hormone therapy later that year. In spite of his best efforts, however, Chris's post-transition appearance remains quite similar to his pre-transition appearance, only he grew his [[hair]] out and had some of his fat distribution rearranged through HRT. Nonetheless, [[Chris and reality|he believes]] that he [[Chris and his ego|looks like a supermodel]].

Chris's identity gradually shifted over the course of his transitioning. He began as a transvestite – a male who cross-dresses yet still identifies as a man – or as Chris called it, "'''tomgirl'''". (Outside of [[CWC-isms|Chris's lexicon]], "femboy" and "femme" are commonly used to describe this kind of sexual identity in recent years, although Chris himself would not apply after becoming transgender. Nonetheless, Chris actually has used the term "femme" on his [[Facebook]] profile.) In [[2014]], he came out as a "lesbian-identified male". By the end of that year, he began identifying as a woman, calling himself a "transwoman". In [[2015]], he started going by "Christine", making the [[name change]] official the following year,<ref name=christinenamechange>[[:File:Court Record - 2016 Name Change from Christian to Christine (Chris, CL16000067-00).png]]</ref> as well as changing the gender marker on his driver's license to female. Overall, Chris has seemed to be more at peace with himself being "out" instead of suppressing his gay/trans thoughts, if not outright happier, in spite of his depressing lot in life and poor living conditions.

Chris's transition has been the subject of intense debate; views by external commentators on social media sites range from fully accepting of Chris's gender and sexuality, to scathingly critical, arguing that Chris is 'only pretending' to be trans to get romantic attention from heterosexual women, or is 'making the transgender community look bad', which isn't surprising given that Chris has mostly been rejected by most communities that he tries to join. Unsurprisingly, there are also debates on which pronouns to use when describing Chris, including from transgender observers themselves, who view the aforementioned arguments as gatekeeping, while a number of people in the LGBT community want nothing to do with Chris and would prefer he not be lumped in with them, especially in light of [[Affair with Mother|more recent events]]. Not helping matters is that Chris has utilized homophobic and transphobic language [[Chris and hypocrisy|whenever it suits him]], even after [[SLGBTQ|identifying as LGBT]]. Chris has also attempted to use his identity as a lesbian transwoman as an argument that [[List of places that have banned Chris|the people who have banned him from public places]] are being discriminatory against him and ''all'' lesbians and transwomen, much like he has done in the past with his [[Autism]], rather than as [[Kick the Autistic|often justified retribution for his bad behavior]].

==Signs of gender dysphoria==
[[File:S11-43.jpg|thumb|Chris describes his 2014 switchover in [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]]]]
'''Gender dysphoria''' is a feeling of conflict between a person's assigned biological sex and the gender that person identifies as, typically brought on by aspects of one's assigned gender. The trans community generally divides dysphoria into '''physical dysphoria''' (for aspects like hormones, genitals, or body characteristics) and '''social dysphoria''' (for aspects like names, pronouns, gender roles, makeup and clothing).

Symptoms in adults last at least six months and can include a belief of experiencing feelings socially associated with the desired gender, as well as wanting to be rid of the primary sex characteristics of the birth gender, have instead the sex characteristics associated with the desired gender, and be treated socially as the desired gender.<ref>https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/gender-dysphoria/what-is-gender-dysphoria</ref>

Chris has exhibited signs of '''late-onset gender dysphoria''', a term describing those who begin to experience gender dysphoria in adulthood.<ref>https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/gender-dysphoria</ref>

[[File:Da homos.jpg|thumb|left|Chris choosing between being transgender and being gay, in a 2009 panel from [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. Note his personal signature below that statement. (Ironically enough, Chris would eventually identify as [[Bisexual]], but would not undergo a gender reassignment surgery.)]]

===Early signs===
While Chris's experience is more reflective of late-onset gender dysphoria, instead of the idea that Chris was always trans but somehow kept that detail hidden from [[Trolls|prying eyes]], there have been some signs that can be interpreted as Chris having thoughts of moving away from being cisgendered. Chris's exploration of a female form of himself showed early with his desire to have a daughter named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]]. He also added a twin [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|sister]] (also named Crystal) to the comic who strongly resembles a gender-swapped Chris. The reason behind the name:

{{quotebox|“Crystal”: a name that sounds similar to mine, but it has a nice ring to it.<ref>[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]</ref>}}

In 2008, years before Chris began to crossdress, he made a remark that he felt some mild discomfort from looking at [[Duck|his own penis]].

{{quotebox|It's bad enough that I sometimes see my own when I look down (of which I don't feel as much discomfort), but the very sight of others is like kryptonite to me.<ref name=[[SonichuGirls]]>[[Sonichu Girls]]</ref>}}

He also has a long history of female fashions and mannerisms, from the [[Anime Wings]] seen in Sonichu [[Sub-Episode 5]] to the [[muscle bra]]. Chris has even wondered what he would be like if he were born a female.<ref>[[Mailbag 27]] - Is Chris hitting on Bailey Jay?</ref> In 2008, he posted:

{{quotebox|I feel that I am truly in touch with my feminine side, to the point where I am capable of learning from that to better understand how to treat women in a caring, nuturing, positive way; I've also learned from Red Skelton of how to be a gentleman. Sometimes I wonder between my caring attitude and the lack of a Sweetheart if I was born the wrong gender; I would wonder what life would have been like if I had actually been born a girl.<ref name=[[SonichuGirls]]></ref>}}

===The Butterfly Effect===
The catalyst for Chris exploring crossdressing happened around 2011. There is some dispute as to the events that unfolded. According to [[User:Champthom|Champthom]]:<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Talk:Tomgirl_Pictures#Just_a_clarification</ref>

{{quoteboxorange|Someone said to Chris "You should get in touch with your feminine side!" and he ran wild with it.}}

However, when a fan asked [[Emily]] if she was the one to make that comment, she gave a different perspective:

{{quoteboxgreen|I've jokingly told him that before back when he was a dang dirty male and he would get pissed at me for it. What really kicked off the tomgirl and eventual tranny shit was some rando who was talking to Chris and suggested being a tomgirl since being a guy was too hard for him.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (LoveYouLongTime)#Tomgirl]]</ref>}}

[[Surfshack Tito]] provided a similiar explanation:

{{quoteboxred|Chris decided that being a [[JERKS|man]] was too much work. It often involves [[Stress|stressful]] activities such as getting a job, excercising,
and supporting a family. The role of the man was too stressful for the life of Christian Weston Chandler.

He decided he would take the route that was easier for him. The path that he was so familiar with in [[Manchester High School|Highschool]].
The manchild felt that he could identify being a lady seeing that he has had vast experience of hanging out with girls
in the cafeteria. Chris decided that being in touch with the femine side would be the truth key in his quest.

But wait! Does that make him gay?

Not in Chris' lifetime it doesn't. Thanks to 3 months of dry spell and constant hours of TV have deluded him. Based on the archetype you would see on movies and video games, you would learn of the "Tomboy", The girl with boyish next to dykish features would allow her to be swarmed by the opposite sex with her short hair and her appreciation of the Dresdon Dolls.

"If a girl could do it, So can a boy", Chris thought. Thus he has coined the term "Tomgirl". A man in touch with his feminine side, and totally heterosexual.}}

Both of those accounts are consistent with Gender Dysphoria's symptoms of wanting another gender's characteristics and feeling incompatible with a birth gender's social roles. Later that year, Chris also mentioned that in public places, he felt more comfort using the opposite sex's restroom rather than one matching his gender at birth, which is a common rite of passage for transgender people (even though Chris did not identify as transgender at this time).<ref name="Bathroom">[[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee]]</ref>

[[File:ChrisContraption 02.JPG|thumb|200px|The dildo harness Chris used for tucking.]]
Over the next several years, Chris's feelings on his sex characteristics morphed into a loathing of his penis. In 2014, he took to forcing it to stay tucked with a makeshift harness.

{{quotebox|Males Offend Me, even my own Penis Totally Grosses Me Out! I am glad that I tuck it underneath my taint, so I do not have to look down at the Ugly Bulge!<ref>[[Un-clit]]</ref>}}

In 2016, Chris attempted a DIY gender transition using [[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]]. He was particularly drawn to tracks which claimed to convert a penis to a vagina.

{{quotebox|I would feel better knowing if the ovum do get created and further produced after the testies to ovaries transformation. ''[...]'' Ugh, we may not know for as late as six months after someone else uses the frequency set, gets herself examined, and confirms it.<ref>[[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]]</ref>}}

Chris's dysphoria and impatience over the Subliminal Frequencies resulted in the [[self-inflicted taint wound]], an episode wherein he cut open his taint with a knife in an attempt to free his vagina.

In 2016, Chris saw a psychologist specializing in gender identity issues. The psychologist confirmed to him that he is transgender.<ref name=psychologist>Chris changed the gender marker on his driver's license to identify him as female in 2016. The procedure to do this in Virginia is to have a professional whose "practice includes the treatment and counseling of persons with gender identity issues" vouch for the person's gender identity on [https://web.archive.org/web/20161223001047/https://www.dmv.virginia.gov/webdoc/pdf/dl17.pdf this form]. Also mentioned by Chris in [[:File:SchuComic12-1P69.jpg|a ''Sonichu'' #12 page]]</ref>

[[File:Fetusbabe's cwc cosplay.jpg|thumb|left|How Chris views himself after becoming a Tomgirl.]]

===Miscellaneous signs===
Gender dysphoria explains a lot of Chris's past behavior; an example being Chris's insecurity in failing to live up to cultural perceptions of masculinity. His tendency to exaggerate or overcompensate for his fragile masculinity could be caused by subconsciously knowing that his intellectual gender does not match his biological sex. The way Chris interacted during the [[Kacey calls]] is another piece of evidence; normally, guys subconsciously lower the pitch of their voices to seem attractive to women, but when Chris was trying to woo Kacey, his voice drifted higher than hers. Additionally, Chris is known for his pathological hatred of change, unless the change is beneficial or positive for him. To assume Chris "became" trans purely for the quest for [[china]] is fairly extreme, as suddenly identifying by another gender identity is generally a life-changing event for anybody, and Chris has shown that he is incapable of substantially changing himself even with the [[Kacey|promise of a relationship]] laid in front of him.

===Autism and trans identity===
There is a correlation between [[autism]] and trans identity, though the exact reason for this correlation is still up for debate. According to a Dutch study, 7.8% of trans people are on the spectrum.<ref>https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2016/11/the-link-between-autism-and-trans-identity/507509/</ref> There are a number of similarities between the two disorders. Autistic people have a harder time picking up on social norms, including gender norms. Therefore, autistic people tend to have "androgynous" mental qualities and interests, and those people could perceive their brain difference as simply having the brain of the opposite gender. Both autistic and trans males tend to have mostly [[gal-pal]]s, because men tend to be rowdy and more explicitly judgmental. However, they may miss the socially complex and subtle elements of female socialization, and the actual women end up treating them with kid gloves.

The androgyny of autistic people has caught the interest of brain experts. MRI studies reveal that autistic men have "mosaic minds", which aren't just androgynous, but are extremely male in some aspects and extremely female in others. The autistic brain parts responsible for general thoughts are more masculine than the average man, with less connectivity and more localization. Autistic men excel at [[heart level|systemizing]] and struggle with [[Kindness|empathizing]], an exaggeration of the male profile. However, the parts of the brain responsible for sensation, perception and motion are more feminized.<ref>https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/brains-men-autism-female-patterns/</ref> Like women, autistics have a high pain tolerance and a low pain threshold – observable in Chris. However, gender differences in the brain are only averages, and saying a man with feminine brain traits has a "female brain" is like saying a short man has a "female skeleton". Also, the gendering of autism is highly controversial, with many pointing out that the condition is a spectrum.

Kenneth Zucker, a controversial gender expert, found that gender dysphoria manifests as an obsession, and that autistic people may think they're trans if they fixate on the issue of gender.<ref>https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5613451/</ref>

It's also possible that Chris is genuinely transgender, but his transgender signs were "scrambled" through autism. This could be why he adapted nonstandard language for so long, and why he had to "ease into" his trans identity instead of coming out outright. For example, he identified as a tomgirl for years before his transgender identity came to the forefront, and he speaks of a "female soul" more than a "female brain."

==The transition==
===Tomgirl===
[[File:TG11.jpg|thumb|[[It's not that cold|"Would you fuck me,]] [[/cow/|789chan?]] [[Chris and his ego|I'd fuck me."]]]]

{{Quote|Yes, I am a Tomgirl, and I am damn proud of it. I have embraced and appreciated my feminine side. I am still totally heterosexual. Otherwise, I would be [[Homos|a full-blown you-know-what]]. ''[...]'' I have been more self-confident, and I have a sweet sashay walk, hair and wink flirts, and I am greeting women left and right.|Chris<ref name=Jackie24>[[Jackie E-mails 24]]</ref>}}

{{quote|Also, here is another way to consider me, I am a Ken doll any Barbie CAN dress in her clothes, and I would feel most comfortable in them and to model them for her. Come shopping with me, sweetie.|Chris, Jackie email, May 6 2011<ref name=Jackie24></ref>}}

According to an email Chris sent to [[Jackie]] on 26 [[March 2011]], Chris started cross-dressing at the beginning of that month.<ref name="Jackie24"></ref> On 30 March 2011, Chris changed his [[PSN]] quote to the [[CWC-ism]] "I am Tomgirl".

[[File:I am tomgirl.jpg|center|350px|PSN quote]]

On 29 April, the [[Tomgirl Pictures]] were released by Surfshack Tito. In them, Chris is dressed in woman's clothing, posing in what he believes are seductive positions. For some reason, Chris removed the Tomgirl PSN quote immediately after PSN came back online after a month of inactivity on 14 May, possibly due to receiving attention from [[trolls]].

On 16 August 2011, Chris recorded [[Kaka Makeup Basics]], a makeup tutorial video, reinforcing his tomgirl identity.

To show his support to all tomgirls and tomboys of America, he started up a new band, [[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]], consisting of a tomgirl, [[Robee Sonichu|Robee]] (formerly Robbie, now Roberta), and tomboys [[Cera]] and [[Christine]].

Still officially a "heterosexual" and "proud to be male," some of his words and actions betrayed a deeper gender confusion. He started using women’s restrooms. He told Jackie that he fantasized about "fit[ting] in at a lesbian bar," where he believed he would have no trouble seducing a lesbian and persuading her to bone "in lesbian's position (the scissor-thing) with my dick in her vag."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 25]]</ref> In December 2013 he confessed to Rebeckah, "I wish I was born female, with the possibility of being a lesbian."<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Dead end of a life]]</ref>

===Lesbian-identified male===
On 14 August [[2014]], Chris revealed via [[Facebook]] that he was a self-described "Tomgirl, Intersex of Female Soul with Male Body, and a Tranny Cross-Dresser", posting shortly afterward to be a lesbian in a male body<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out...kinda]]</ref>. He also proclaimed that he is a supporter of "LBT" rights, which seems to have neatly coincided with the advent of his professed status as a transgender person. His omission of the "G" (Gay) was attacked by [[Kim Wilson|Kim]], in the face of which Chris admitted that the "G.M.s" were "fortunate" to be "on the boat", suggesting that he hadn't yet changed his views on [[Homos|gay men]].

In [[July 2014]], Chris had a vision, while meditating, about being a lesbian in a past life.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic12-1P68.jpg]]</ref> He took it as a sign affirming his gender identify. Years later, in a 2019 interview, he said:

{{quotebox|I had, exhibited but not totally realized my uh, feminine habits and traits and then it became more apparent to me that I was definitely soulfully a woman, due to the vision I had where I saw myself in a past lifetime by the tree at Woodstock and I was a woman then so yep, I'm soulfully a woman, so, so it's a good thing to go on from there and I never regretted it.<ref>[[Jackson Dalton]]</ref>}}

In September 2014, a fan inquired on his preferred gender and pronouns. Chris replied that he was very comfortable being referred to by either pronoun, adding that he would be flattered at being mistaken as a woman. He added that he did not currently have plans to change his name.<ref>[[Misc texts#Name change question]]</ref>

He began going to the [[Impulse Gay Social Club]] in fall 2014.

===Lesbian transwoman===
{{quote|I am a (Female Soul) Transwoman (no operation yet), And a Lesbian.|Chris, January 2015<ref>[[January 2015 Facebook posts#Baby, Chris Was Born This Way]]</ref>}}

[[File:Christine license.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris(tine)'s new driver's license and "woman card". His signature is surprisingly neat considering the [[Chris and art|quality of his art]]. Also, the woman card probably looks great next to his [[autism]] card.]]

In Spring 2015, Chris changed his mind on his pronoun and name and referred to himself as Christine (apparently ignorant that Christian was originally a female name), a "Lesbian TransWoman", using female pronouns.<ref>[[Facebook#Contact and Basic Info]]</ref>

In May 2015, Chris turned his fursona, [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], into a lesbian transwoman. He also wrote about a fantasy in which Chris-chan Sonichu impregnates himself with his own semen to produce two children.<ref name=russelandcynthia>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#Meet Russel and Cynthia]]</ref>

After being rejected as a sperm donor the previous year, Chris tried his own DIY method to preserve his sperm for the possibility of gender surgery. [[Chris's Specimen Sample]] is a video of him showing off his collection of semen in Tupperware containers in his [[kitchen]] freezer, and dates on the containers indicate he was doing this for at least nine months, though this was futile as the sperm was destroyed by placing it in a home freezer.

In [[May 2016]], he successfully filed for a [[name change]] to "Christine Weston Chandler".<ref name=christinenamechange></ref> Later, with the help of his gender psychologist, he also filed paperwork with the DMV for a new driver's license identifying him as female, which was granted.<ref>[[July 2016 Facebook posts#Christine's Driver's License and Woman's Card]]</ref>

Chris was unaware that he also had the option to update his birth certificate; upon finding out, he decided not to, stating:

{{quotebox|I had no idea one can update their birth certificate too. For me though, I’d leave mine the way it is, because I am not going to deny my own history and past. I was born male, and dubbed “Christopher”, but I realized I was female the whole time and changed my name to “Christine” soon enough. And to have those on my drivers license is good enough for me.<ref>https://twitter.com/NightStar2891/status/1034472015942565888</ref>}}

The [[self-inflicted taint wound]], Chris's attempt to free his imaginary vagina, happened in summer 2016. In fall, Chris began taking HRT.<ref name=hormonetherapy></ref>

He attended LGBT events such as [[Cville Pride]], [[Love is Love]] and [[UVA Remembers Pulse]], and considered himself to be a member of the [[SLGBTQ]] community.

===Bisexual transwoman===
{{main|Bisexual}}

In early 2018, Chris suddenly announced that he identified as [[bisexual]] rather than lesbian - the result of [[brainwashing]] from the [[Idea Guys]] to make Chris think he was in relationships with fictional male characters.

==Interest in sexual reassignment surgery==
In the years before he formally identified as transgender, Chris had given some thought to sex reassignment surgeries. In 2007 he told [[Megan]], “if I ever stoop down to changing my path [i.e., becoming a homo], I might as well would get a gender change operation.”<ref>[[Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris is angry about Megan kissing her friend, then pities himself]]</ref>

Chris's thoughts on the procedure shifted over time. In his pre- and early-transgender state, his opinion was essentially that MTF transwomen should not undertake the surgery as it would not grant them functional female reproductive organs.<ref>[[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]</ref> Later, as his gender identity changed, he became more open to the idea, but wanted to hold off until either [[Crystal]] was conceived or his sperm could be preserved.

{{quote|If [my child was a] Hermaphrodite, I would raise it to be male regardless since it would not have any eggs anyway. Plus big bonus for (him) in sex with all women (lesbians included I would imagine).|Chris, mid-2014.<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers]]</ref>}}

In other words, there were two obstacles in the way of Chris losing his duck. First, a sex change operation wouldn’t provide him with reproductive organs. Since, as a woman, he would not be able to give the birth to [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]] personally, he must first impregnate someone (he can’t adopt, because Crystal must come from "blood, tears, and semenal descent.")<ref>[[List of Chris's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#10 November]]</ref> Second, his belief that his penis could still be useful for relationship purposes - wanting to be "open to all women, Straight, Bi, and Lesbian." In a [[May 2015]] Facebook Q&A, regarding the operation, he was equivocal, and wrote, "I am exploring making the best of this body for Any Woman born with a vagina."<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#All This and Eye-Contact Too!]] and [[May 2015 Facebook posts#The Mailbag Returns]]</ref>

During 2014, Chris stated that he was contemplating sexual reassignment surgery.

{{quote|I Hate Being Born A Male, and after I have my children, I am getting an Organ Sex Change Operation!|Chris, hoping to impregnate someone who will give him a baby boy and a baby girl.<ref>[[Colin Chat 1]]</ref>}}

He tried to fulfill the prophecy of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]'s birth by using a sperm bank, however, the bank rejected him.<ref>[[Open Relationship E-mails#Need my daughter]]</ref>

It should also be noted that Chris doesn’t have a fucking clue how sex reassignment works. In [[June 2015]] he posted an advertisement on Facebook: “I deserve to be a full woman with a full functioning vagina. A- blood type, if anyone wants to put up the money and trade.”<ref>[[June 2015 Facebook Posts#Let's Trade Genitalia]]</ref> As with most things he wants, Chris prefers to sit on his fat lesbian ass and wait for "a Magical Transformation of my body from Male to completely Female."<ref>[[Open Relationship E-mails#Depressed on Christmas]]</ref>

In 2020, when Chris was asked about if he would be getting a sexual reassignment surgery, he answered with the following:

{{quote|Yes, and [[Chris and reality|this body is going to become fully, genuinely transformed and birth-able]].|Chris<ref>[[Discord Q&A 7]]</ref>}}

Chris, presumably realizing that his [[semen]] would no longer be potent enough to conceive a child due to hormone replacement therapy that he was utilizing, now seems to think that he's got another way to make Crystal and [[Reginald Chandler|Reginald]] real. It goes without saying that Male-To-Female transgender people cannot conceive children due to the way that a natural male body is structured, and even though research on the possibility of transplanting a uterus into an MTF body is being done, it would likely be way too expensive for Chris to try, [[Chris and health|presuming that he'd even be healthy enough or physically capable of bearing children]] by the time that such a medical breakthrough could be realized. How Chris plans to get the money to get a sex change or a hypothetical uterine transplantation amidst the [[Financhu Crisis]] remains unclear; it's entirely possible that Chris believes that some part of the [[Dimensional Merge]] will allow him to fully become a woman and allow him to fulfill his fantasy of becoming a parent.

Not that Chris could afford sex reassignment anyway, as it costs thousands of dollars, while Chris [[Financhu Crisis|struggles to pay his basic bills]] and [[Chris and money|spends what little he does save on frivolities]] like trips to [[BronyCon]]. It's even more impossible now that he's been incarcerated.

==List of Chris's MTF transition methods==
[[File:Cwc Menstrual pads 1.jpeg|thumb|250px|Chris's menstrual pads]]

Chris has made several attempts to transition into a true and honest woman. Unfortunately for him, he has a strong belief in junk science and miracle cures. As a result, his initial favored methods produced no benefits or were harmful to his health.

In 2016, he saw a psychologist over his gender transition.<ref name=psychologist></ref>

*[[Hair|Growing out his hair]]
*[[Chris and fashion|Changing his clothing]]
*[[LoveYouLongTime E-mails, 2013-2014#Shaved eyebrows|Shaving his eyebrows]]
*[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS#Menstrual pads|Using menstrual pads]]
*[[Un-clit|Piercing his taint and letting it get inflamed]]
*[[September_2015_Facebook_Posts#Spoiler_Alert:_It.27s_a_Fake_Vagina|Requesting his fans to fund a prosthetic vagina]]
*[[December 2015 Facebook Posts#Remote and Wired Vibrating Eggs|Wearing a vibrating bra]]
*[[Oestrogel application and Vibrating Bra, How To.|Taking Oestrogel without physician approval]]
*[[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]]
*[[My Breast Massage Routine 18+|Breast massaging]]
*[[Self-inflicted taint wound#Self-inflicted?|Cutting open his taint with a knife]]
*[[Chris and health#Hormone_treatment|Female hormone vitamins]]
*[[September 2017 tweets#Chris insists he's on HRT|Going on actual hormone replacement therapy]]
*[[September 2017 tweets#Chris is fat and stupid|Eating prunes and putting soy sauce on everything]]

===Voice training===
[[File:TransTimeline.png|thumb|left|350px|Chris's self-posted transition timeline from 2009 to 2019, when Chris was on feminizing hormone therapy for 3 years. Aside from having longer [[hair]] and the fat distribution shifting around the facial area due to using HRT ([[Obesity|and getting progressively fatter over the years]]), Chris's appearance is largely the same post-transition [[Chris and health#Hygiene|due to poor hygiene]] and likely misapplying the transition-related materials that had been prescribed to him.]]Chris has been making an effort to feminize his voice, but instead of pulling off a convincing femme voice like some other trans women, he talks with a Mickey Mouse falsetto. The falsetto often drops down to his old voice at some point in a given video, sometimes as soon as he introduces himself. He has also ditched his monotone speech pattern for an extreme sing-song tone, especially when he adds bits of [[random-access humor]]. In [[CLog 10042017 - Q&A NO MORE|Q&A NO MORE]], he continued to affect a feminine voice when he was yelling, resulting in a cartoonish witch-like scream.

Ironically, Chris's pre-transition voice was already naturally high, around the same fundamental pitch as [[Chris and reality#Psychological problems|a child]]. Instead of going even higher in pitch, he could have worked on feminizing his resonance (the "buzz" of a male voice) and inflections with daily practice, possibly with the help of a voice trainer. But alas, that takes [[Stress|effort]].

===Hormone therapy===
{{see also|Chris and health#Gender transitioning}}

At first, between 2015 through fall 2016, Chris attempted using [[Oestrogel]] as a DIY hormone therapy method. Since Oestrogel is a hormone replacement gel meant for menopausal women, and Chris's self-regimen consisted of slathering entirely too much of the medication on himself, any effects were questionable and a potential health risk.

Chris eventually went on a prescribed HRT treatment consisting of estradiol and spironolactone<ref>[[Sachumo Interview]]</ref> around the fall of 2016.<ref name=hormonetherapy>[[September 2017 tweets#Chris insists he's on HRT]]</ref> The [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] explained:

{{quoteboxgreen|Basically if you say the right things to a therapist for a few months, they'll write you a recommendation for HRT and send you to an endocrinologist. Chris was referred to one at UVA. They gave him a script and made him sign away liability (the "informed consent" part).<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (Marvin)#HRT]]</ref>}}

Chris also mentioned taking hormones to [[Idea Guy]]:

{{quoteboxred|I can say that Chris knows the fact that he shortened his lifespan taking those hormones. In fact, I wouldn’t say he’s suicidal, so much as he’s fine with the idea he could die sooner. I dunno if it counts as his view of reality, but Chris thinks he might be able to have a baby once the transition is complete (I have nothing to do with that. Chris said it’s a possibility he could get pregnant).<ref name=ig>[[Idea Guy Q&A]]</ref>}}

Chris's health insurance, the taxpayer-funded Medicare program, covers HRT.<ref>https://transequality.org/know-your-rights/medicare</ref>

During the [[Jail Saga]], Chris still took HRT, shown by a medical receipt from [[Central Virginia Regional Jail]].<ref>[[Jail Art (reverse side)#Goddess At Work]]</ref>

==Reactions==
Being a rural southerner, Chris comes from a conservative region and background. His parents are conservative, and anti-LGBT sentiment is strong outside college and LGBT circles. In addition, forums documenting Chris (from [[4chan]] to [[Kiwi Farms]]) tend to be "politically incorrect" and tell things "like it is". As you'd might expect, reactions to Chris's transition are overwhelmingly negative. While the trans community was comparatively more welcoming to Chris than other groups, a number of trans activists distanced themselves from Chris following the incest incident, while others found it reprehensible but felt an obligation to respect his preferred pronouns.

===Parents===
[[File:Borb, Sonichu12.jpg|thumb|250px|A panel from [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]] of an autobiographical narrative of Chris coming out as a tomgirl to his parents.]]

Chris's parents were not happy when he began crossdressing. [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] "threw the damned 'fag' card" at Chris.<ref name=ComingOut>[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents]]</ref> [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]] made negative remarks, such as "I didn't raise a daughter",<ref name=ComingOut></ref> "do not wear eye shadow", "you look like [[Stephanie Bustcakes|a prostitute]]", "lipstick makes you look like a hooker", "you're turning into a [[homos|gay]]", "[[Un-clit|what are you piercing next?]]" and "what's next, you [[I Love You, Catherine|wearing a skirt]] and high heels?".<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 24]]</ref>

Barbara also tried to pay Chris to stop wearing panties and go back to wearing briefs – however, Chris refused.<ref>[[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Mothers]]</ref>

During [[May 2011]], an angry Barbara chopped Chris's hair short in a failed attempt to stop his crossdressing, prompting Chris to call her a bitch:<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref>

{{quotebox|My mother comes upstairs and yells at me about how She Thinks I'm turning queer from being Tomgirly and Feminine, AND she fears that I would kill her. Hand to God, I would never kill Anyone, including my own mother and father. Violence and Murder is Rarely the answer; murder is Morally Wrong; I care about my mother and father Very Much. And even worse, she threatens to kill me in her episode of emotional rage. She also took my keys. And shortly later, she tells me to come downstairs, so I go; she tells me to sit down, and she does the worse thing that broke the last straw on my camel's back, she Cuts my Long Hair Short and Butchered. After seeing the butchered hair in the mirror, I was soo in shock, I wield the double-edge sword I have been holding in for weeks since a much earlier fit of emotional rage of hers. I called her a Bitch. With her as a bitch, that makes me a son of a bitch, and it hurts me deep too. My hair is soo bad, I have to wear my PaRappa wool hat to cover the whole mess when I go out; I can not be seen in public with this short-hair mess. }}

Chris then remarked, "I forgave her for the butchering of my hair today, but now while I still care and love her like a child for a mother, sadly there is now a Mutual lack of deep trust between us."

Before Bob passed away in the fall of 2011, he told Chris he accepted and loved him for who he is.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic12-1P68.jpg]]</ref>

Over the next few years, Barbara remained opposed to Chris's crossdressing. Chris stated in 2014: "I would cross dress more often if my mother was not against me doing it (panties and bra included, but wear them anyway)."<ref>According to Chris's [[OkCupid]] profile</ref> However, Barbara's resistance gradually diminished and Chris resumed openly crossdressing. When Chris legally changed his name to Christine in 2016, he did so behind Barb's back, though she later found out and was livid with him.<ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (MasterDisaster)#Name Change Drama]]</ref>

Chris's gender identity may be the only significant thing in which he has successfully resisted the will of his parents.

===Locals===
In May 2011, Chris recounted an experience where he got yelled at by a [[jerkop]] for going to the women's restroom and said that, though he felt embarrassed, he would continue using the women's restroom while crossdressing as "there is no goin' back for me".<ref name="Bathroom" />

In June 2011, Chris was shopping at [[Sheetz]] when a man, seeing him in his crossdressing attire, asked him if he was gay, to which an upset Chris replied, "No, I AM a Tomgirl."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 28]]</ref>

In a January 2019 tweet, Chris claimed his neighbor "across the street from me shouted angrily at me; blaming me for his child questioning their Gender Identity".<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/1088995002221559808</ref>

===Fans===
Chris' transition tends to divide many of the observers to his antics. Many who are in the LGBT community support Chris' transition, whilst those critical of him argue that the transition was just an attempt to get with women, and that his gender identity shouldn't be respected because he isn't actually transgender. There are also those who reject the concept of transgenderism in its entirety, believing biological sex to be a characteristic that cannot be altered with any amount of surgery or medical treatments (a viewpoint which this wiki does not endorse or condemn), and thus treating Chris as no different to any other transgender individual in refusing to refer to them by their chosen name or pronouns. Overall, most people who follow Chris and his antics tend to refer to Chris using male pronouns and his pre-transition name, a trend extending to [[CWCki|this very wiki]].

==Effect on the Love Quest==

{{quote|And for nothing more than the experience, you may give me a try in private. Protected and no penetration required. I have an open mind for what you may desire. traditional for the straight women. clit-rubbing and pussy eating for the lesbians. And any way for the bisexual women. Massages, making out, lots of attention and eye contact, and whatever else desired, for all Women regardless of orientation!|Chris, May 2015<ref name=may2015posts>[[May 2015 Facebook posts]]</ref>}}

{{quote|And one can view the male part like an extended clitoris, regardless of what it actually is. Put a condom on it, and rub the side against a clitoris, not only Really does good for me, but I imagine and empathize stimulating for her as well.|Chris<ref name=may2015posts></ref>}}

Chris's gender dysphoria issues influenced the scope of his [[love quest]]. As Chris is biologically male while identifying as a female, but still heterosexual, he remained attracted only to women. To resolve this, he identified as a lesbian in order to address both his gender identity and sexuality. Chris also tried to leverage his biologically male body in an attempt to appeal to women of other sexual orientations. On various occasions, Chris has made statements to the effect of him being "compatible with all women", or that he can [[HelloLadyFans|"go any way [a woman] desire[s]"]]. In practice, Chris actually reduced his female dating pool dramatically – straight women are the majority, and they generally are not attracted to trans women. Chris is essentially limited to lesbian and bisexual women who are open to dating trans women, and that's ignoring actual interpersonal chemistry.

All of Chris's prior problems with establishing a real romantic relationship with anyone pre-transition are still present. [[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's|His attempt to get to the point and solicit sex]] also fell through, [[Carlos Chantor|much like it did previously]] – mainly because [[Father Call|Chris is perceived as being undesirable as a romantic partner for a multitude of reasons]].

Ultimately, Chris would give up on trying to find a real [[boyfriend-free girl]] and would instead engage in a [[polyamorous marriage]] with several [[imaginary friend]]s after being encouraged to do so by the [[Idea Guys]], although he would later indicate dissatisfaction with not being romantically involved with real people.<ref>[[February 2021 social media posts#Message to the faker and hater trolls]]</ref> This came to a head in [[June 2021]], when he is alleged to have begun [[Affair with Mother|sexual acts against his own mother]]. When the [[Jerkops|authorities]] [[Incest Arrest|took him away]], he was booked into Central Virginia Regional Jail under his [[Jerk|True and Honest Godbear-given gender]].<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/oyoq0h/its_official_chris_has_been_transferred_into_his/</ref>

==Influence from the LGBT community==
[[File:Happy Birthday, Nathan..mp400001.png|thumb|Chris in [[2016]]]]
[[File:7Sept2015 Lizzy the Lezzy like-min.png|thumb|150px|Chris likes a Lizzy the Lezzy post promoting usage of a vibrating bra.]]

Chris followed a Facebook account named Lizzy the Lezzy. In September 2015, he liked a post linking to a clickbait article about a vibrating bra with the claim it could increase breast size in a week.<ref>[[:File:7Sept2015 Lizzy the Lezzy like-min.png]]</ref> A few months later, Chris made his own vibrating bra contraption.<ref>[[December 2015 Facebook Posts#Remote and Wired Vibrating Eggs]]</ref>

He also followed LGBT News. In May 2017, he commented on a post from them which linked to a theoretical article about a possible surgery for trans-women to become pregnant.<ref>[[May 2017 Facebook posts]]</ref>

{{quote|Ah-Ha! I Knew it! I can eventually be a mother! :)}}

Chris also followed outspoken members of the trans community on Twitter and sometimes agrees with their statements.

One such example is when LifeofBria claimed that trans women have periods:

{{quoteboxgreen|Nobody teaches trans girls about our periods. We just get these weird times where we're moody and crampy and sad and we don't know why and just chalk it up to another reason we're not good enough in life. So, just so you all know: Trans. Girls. Get. Periods.}}

Chris answered:

{{quote|Yes we do. Even the possible hot flashes are no fun either. I’m feeling some of my period today. At least they pass and we can feel better when they do. 😊<ref>https://twitter.com/cwcsonichu/status/1016786884192808962</ref>}}

==Deadname==
{{quote|I'm neutral about people calling me "Chris" or "Christine" but I would like if you Good People would respect my chosen name.|Chris's paradoxical thoughts on the matter.<ref name=deadname></ref>}}

{{quote|<nowiki>***Christine***</nowiki> you FUCKING INTERNET DOUCHEWHORE!|Chris<ref>[[May 2018 social media posts#Meltdown on Twitter]]</ref>}}

During his transition, Chris has occasionally become annoyed at people for referring to him as Chris instead of Christine, despite the fact that [[wikipedia:Chris|Chris]] (as a short form name) is unisex.<ref name=deadname>[[May 2018 social media posts#Mad at Facebook friends]]</ref><ref>[[Kiwi Farms posts (other users)#Short on Cash]]</ref> He doesn't have an issue with "Chris Chan", seeing that "Chris Chan Sonichu" is his [[Twitter]] name.

==Pronouns==
Chris tends to use the preferred pronouns of other transgender people, such as the MTF violet4151<ref>[[Oestrogel application and Vibrating Bra, How To]]</ref> and [[Miss Cherry]], and the FTM Lukas of the [[Teen Troon Squad]] and [[Nowacking]].

The sole exception occurred under troll manipulation, in which he flip-flopped between referring to the troll transwoman character [[Jeff Ouzuo]] with female and male pronouns.

==Terminology==
While exploring his gender identity, he navigated a linguistic minefield of ''transgender'', ''transsexual'', ''transvestite'', ''intersex'', ''bisexual'', ''hermaphrodite'', and his own ''tomgirl'', leading to some confusion as he adapted and experimented. On his [[OKCupid]] profile, when asked, "Would you date a transgender person," he replied, "Yes, as long as she was born female and was still female (or a tomboy)."<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers]]</ref> He told [[Jackie]] that the fact that he loved wearing women’s clothing did not make him a “transvestite.”<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 24]]</ref> He told gal-pal [[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails|Rebeckah Bentley]] that the [[unclit]] made him “bisexual” when he meant intersex; he promptly flipped his shit when Rebeckah asked if he wanted to fuck dudes now.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Introducing the un-clit]]</ref> Chris also used the term ''tranny'' to describe himself prior to actually committing to being transgender, which is a can of worms due to its association as a derogatory term against trans people.

On 14 [[August 2014]], he came out publicly, although as what exactly wasn’t certain, given his garbled and inconsistent vocabulary. The initial announcement was that he was "a Tomgirl, Intersex of Female Soul with Male Body, and a Tranny Cross-Dresser." Apparently unbeknownst to Chris, intersex is a chromosomal condition causing ambiguous genitalia and can present in many forms, none of which appear to be true of Chris. Then he said he was a "Lesbian Identified Man and a Cross-Dressing Tranny." Two weeks later he was telling [[Catherine]] that he was a "Lesbian tomgirl transgender male" but also "[[Three-Quarter Woman|three-quarters woman]]." By September he seemed to have settled on "Lesbian Transgender (a Female, Lesbian Soul trapped in a male body)."<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out...kinda]], [[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Flirt the skirt!]], [[Catie Date Conversation Transcript#Understanding the whole tomgirl thing]], and [[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Alright, Alright, NOW It's OK to Be Gay]]</ref> In [[April 2015]], apparently no longer a "man," he changed his Facebook pronoun to "she" and his name to "Christine".<ref>[[April 2015 Facebook posts#A new pronoun]]</ref> This month also saw the beginning of a flurry of Facebook "likes" for all sorts of progressive transgender issues, such as restroom choice and gay marriage. Whatever he was, he was certainly proud of it, and wasted no time trying to persuade his new L(G)BT personal army to wage war against local manajerks.

==In the comic==
[[File:SchuComic1193.jpg|200px|thumb|ELECTRIC SEX CHANGE POWER! PEW!]]

Before exploring transgenderism, Chris used the intersex character [[Silvana]] to symbolize the evil trolls. The evil [[Count Graduon]] told her, “I am going to grant you with the power to transform like a Ditto. My price is that you will have to relinquish your ability to give birth, and you will be upgraded to have both parts. So with the biological upgrade complete, your years of training can begin.”<ref>[[Sonichu 8 Official Videobook#Episode 18]]</ref> She proceeded to seduce and horrify the tranquil community.

In [[Sonichu 11]], [[Collosal Chris-Chan]] learns of his future self's identity and reflects on it, reasoning that he is not fond of partaking in "brutish things" following his meaningless destruction of the [[4-cent garbage]] building and subsequent murdering of several inhabitants, his battle with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] in which he permanently paralyzes her with lighting-based weaponry, and his then-retconned execution of the [[Asperpedia Four]]. Chris then magically starts transforming into a voluptuous woman, a sequence inspired by artist Miss Mako and her collection of genderbending videos. To him, transitioning is a technique that simply requires an epiphany and [[Anchuent Prophecy|anchuent]] powers to immediately turn into a full-fledged woman.

Chris drew his avatar - [[Chris Chan Sonichu]]/[[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic Chris]] - with the traits he's always desired since becoming a tomgirl, such as eyelashes, bigger breasts and wider hips, revealing very much of what kind of results Chris wishes to get from his transition. Chris Chan Sonichu and Comic Chris are become canonically transgender - becoming a D-cup female with “a uterus and ovaries,” who became pregnant with twins via self-insemination with a turkey baster containing his own semen.<ref name=russelandcynthia>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#Meet Russel and Cynthia]]</ref> Miscellaneous design changes for the transgender Chris Chan Sonichu include the trademark female Pikachu tail; and the color of his shoes change from black and white to turquoise and lime green.

[[Robbie Sonichu]] has a storyline in [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]] about his gender transition which closely mirrors Chris's own, from identifying as male, to tomgirl, to lesbian transwoman.

''Sonichu'' #12 features a short autobiographical narrative of Chris's gender transition at the conclusion of Episode 26.

{{Wise|[[Rosechu]] is a MTF transwoman.<ref name=ig></ref> Chris was initially shocked over thinking he was wrong about Rosechu and was hesitant to make the change<ref>[[December 2017 Facebook posts]]</ref> but later accepted it in full and physically altered [[Sonichu 15]]'s pages to reflect Rosechu's trans identity.}}

==The Sonichu bodyswap==
{{SonichuPossession}}
{{quote|And, yes, in more recent days, Chris had felt need to attest her own identity by using mascara on my face. Not my cup of tea, to put it lightly.|"Sonichu" expresses disapproval over Chris putting mascara on him.<ref name=splitpersonality>[[January 2021 social media posts#Bodyswap announcement]]</ref>}}

[[File:January18SonichuBodyswapArt.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris puts mascara on Sonichu.]]

As a spin-off of his [[Dimensional Merge]] [[coping]] mechanism, Chris has claimed that he has [[Spirit possession|swapped bodies]] with [[imaginary friend]] [[Sonichu]], allowing Chris's spirit to manage affairs in dimension [[C-197]]. This has resulted in psychological conflict between Chris's escapism and his gender dysphoria issues, as the imaginary friend Sonichu identifies as a male while Chris identifies as a female. In a tweet from 18 January 2021, "Sonichu"-in-Chris's-body complained about Chris-in-Sonichu's-body putting mascara on.<ref name=splitpersonality></ref>

{{clear}}

==Transition Timeline Gallery==
{{see also|Tomgirl Pictures}}

<center><gallery>
File:RoD3b.jpg|March Picture 1, featuring proto-Tomgirl Chris.
File:ZyK7a.jpg|March Picture 2
File:IiL3P.jpg|March Picture 3
File:CWCJuly2011.jpg|Chris's [[Facebook]] pic of July 2011, wearing earrings.
File:PSN TOMGIRL1-1.jpg|A random PS3 Home avatar which in no way reminds us of Chris. Good thing they put the usernames there.
File:Chris 09.jpg|In September, Chris was spotted at [[Wal-Mart]]. Note the purse.
File:Oj57ACG.jpg|With double-decker eyebrows.
File:Cwc Menstrual pads 1.jpeg|Holding his box of menstrual pads.
File:Cwc Menstrual pads 2.jpeg
File:Chris march2013.jpg|Chris with a mullet in March 2013.
[[Image:Chris_15_Aug_2014_changed_profile_pic.jpg|Chris the "Male Lesbian Intersex Transgender" in 2014.
File:Chris may 2015.jpg|Chris in May 2015
File:ChrisTwitterProfileFeb2019.jpg|Photo from February 2019
</gallery></center>

== Fan art ==
<center><gallery>
File:Tomboygirl.jpg|thumb|Chris's dream.
File:Would you mount and do me.jpg|[[It's not that cold|GOODBYE HORSES.]]
File:Tomgirlart.jpg
File:Chrisgirlfriend.jpg
File:Tomgirl.jpg
File:Tomchu.png|Fan art that was actually made canon years later.
File:Chris_x_Tomgirl.png
File:New-Anchuent-Form1.jpg
File:New-Anchuent-Form2.jpg
File:Cwcc.jpg|"IT'S A TRAP!"
File:Uguu.jpg
File:1314251396.scumdog cwc.png
File:Tomgirl_by_silphen.png
File:The_virginian_virgin.jpg
File:Chris_tran_by_linkcantriforce.jpg
File:Hemanchristian.jpg|Tomgirl or He-Man?
File:Whatcouldbe.jpg
File:ChantomimeDame.png|[[TRUE and HONEST]] picture from Chris's brief stint in British theatre
File:Chris's_True_Lego_Form.png|A true and honest minifigure.
File:ChrisBill.jpg|There are probably more, but here are the major ones.
File:Frickinlove1.jpg|Tomgirl Chris and SammyClassicSonicFan: the one true pairing.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Chris and fashion]]
*[[Chris and gender]]
*[[Hair]]
*[[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]
*[[Tomgirl Pictures]]
*[[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]]

==References==
<references/>
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Sexuality}}
{{Health}}
[[Category:Gender dysphoria]]

Jail Saga

2022-07-31T09:28:01Z

HarryHowler: /* Looking forward */

:''This article primarily covers what is known regarding the Jail Saga stemming from Chris's [[Affair with Mother]]. For answers to frequently asked questions regarding Chris's sentence in jail, see [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/jail-state-hospital-court-faq.113466/ a Kiwi Farms thread here].''
{{Ongoing}}

[[File:2021 Chris Chan mugshot.jpg|thumb|300px|Chris's mugshot for his [[Affair with Mother|incest]] charge, Henrico County Sheriff's Office.<ref name=sun/> Note how Chris almost looks ''content'' after being arrested for incest, compared to [[:File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|his despondent mugshot]] [[26 December 2014|taken the same day that he maced a dude]].]]

Following allegations in late [[July 2021|July]] and the eventual confirmation that [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] had committed [[Affair with Mother|incest with]] [[Barb]], hundreds of people contacted the Greene County police, and authorities conducted a welfare check on the Chandler home, issuing an Emergency Protective Order on [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] the following day (essentially a temporary week-long restraining order). Chris was made temporarily homeless and stayed at the Richmond Regency Inn in the meantime. Chris was '''arrested on 1 [[August 2021]]''', outside of the Inn. The arrest was captured live on stream by [[Orbiter Wave#Ethan Ralph|several onlookers]]. Surprisingly, despite Chris's past history with [[Chris and the law|the law]], he made no attempt to resist arrest and was cooperative with the police.

Chris is in jail, not prison. Chris will only go to prison if he is convicted of a felony, which is on the table since his case is being presented to a {{w|Grand juries in the United States#Virginia|grand jury}}. Since 2 August 2021, Chris has been an inmate at Central Virginia Regional Jail and is awaiting trial for the charge of incest as well as pending charges yet to be identified.<ref name="press release"/> He was arraigned on 5 August 2021 and is being held without bond. Hearings in [[November 2021]] and [[February 2022]] resulted in continuances; his next court date was 28 [[July 2022]].<ref name=ContinuanceDate2>{{Cite farms|thread=112013|title=2/3/22 - Hearing speculation thread}}</ref>

Since his arrest, Chris's only contact with the outside world has been through [[Jail Communications|written correspondence and phone calls]], which began in August 2021 and continued through February 2022. On 28 February 2022, Chris was transferred from the Central Virginia Regional Jail<ref>[[:File:Transfer.jpg]]</ref> to [[Western State Hospital]], a mental institution, as he was deemed incompetent to stand trial. On 3 [[May 2022]], Chris was transferred back to Central Virginia Regional Jail,<ref>[[:File:May3jailconfirmed.PNG]]</ref> having been restored as competent to stand trial.

In July 2022, the last hearing within the J&DR court's jurisdiction occurred, and the case was sent to a Grand Jury.

==Background==
{{See also|Affair with Mother}}

[[File:EscapeIntoMadness.jpg|thumb|left|300px|''Stone walls do not a prison make, Nor iron bars a cage: Minds innocent and quiet take That for an hermitage. If I have freedom in my love, And in my soul am free, Angels alone, that soar above, Enjoy such liberty.'']]
[[File:JailArt7.jpg|300px|thumb|right|''"Happiness can still be a Hug away; even if you're hugging your self."'' A poignant piece of [[jail art]] drawn by Chris in [[May 2022]].]]

It is a [[Chris and the law|criminal offense]] in Virginia to engage in incest - sexual activities between a parent and a child are a class 5 felony, punishable on indictment by up to 10 years incarceration.<ref name=kvia>[https://kvia.com/news/us-world/2021/08/10/transgender-autistic-internet-personality-chris-chan-held-without-bond-in-mens-jail-on-incest-charge-involving-senile-mom/ Transgender, autistic internet personality Chris Chan held without bond in men's jail on incest charge involving senile mom]</ref> Despite rumors, Chris hasn't been charged for rape, and whether or not Chris's affairs were entirely consensual remains unknown.

In the early morning of 28 July 2021, Chris discussed having sex with his mother in a call and text messages with [[Isabella Loretta Janke]]. On the night of 29 July, the [[Suitress]] leaked the files. The next morning, as reports poured in, Greene County Police visited [[14 Branchland Court]] for a [[Welfare check|wellness check]].<ref name=sun/> They issued Chris an Emergency Protective Order, forbidding contact between him and Barbara, and by extension, preventing him from remaining at her residence until 5 August. Meanwhile, Barbara was relocated to a hospital for a senior care inspection.<ref name=removed>{{Cite farms
| thread = 96559
| title = Chris-Chan incest leak / Chris has been removed from 14 Branchland Court
| wayback = 20211006023749
}}</ref>

As a result of the protection order levied against Chris, he was without a home for the time being. Due to [[Financhu Crisis|ongoing financial problems]], Chris could not afford a hotel. [[Null]] advised him to sleep in [[Son-Chu#Barb's Dodge Caravan|his van]] for one night, noting that Chris would have have the proceeds of Chris's GoFundMe (originally intended for Chris's trip to [[Everfree Northwest]]) transferred to his bank account the following day. Initial plans to stay with [[Aunt Harriet and Uncle Tom]] were disrupted after their invitation was rescinded - likely while he was already on the way to their home.<ref name=letter>[[Jail Letter - 19 September 2021]]</ref>{{refn|
Chris told Null that after spending the night in his car, he would go to a mall as soon as it opened in the morning and loiter there.<ref name=NullTexts/> The two malls he mentioned, [[Leonard Bearstein|Regency Mall]] and Chesterfield Towne Center, are in [[Richmond]].<ref>{{w|Regency Mall (Richmond, Virginia)}} and {{w|Chesterfield Towne Center}} on Wikipedia</ref> This suggests that [[Aunt Harriet and Uncle Tom]], who live in Richmond's southwest suburbs,<ref>[[Miyamoto emails#Please Give Me $800|Chris leaks the Ashbys' address to Miyamoto-san]]</ref> did not rescind their invitation until he had actually gotten near their home.}}

On 30th of July, Everfree Northwest posted that "appropriate action to protect the vulnerable" will be taken; while not naming Chris, it is suspected that that this tweet refers to the revocation of Chris's invitation to the convention,<ref>[[:File:EverfreeNorthwestBansChris.jpg|Everfree Northwest tweet]]</ref> which Null subsequently confirmed. Due to the disturbing and lurid nature of the allegations, hashtags and topics such as #ChrisChan and #CHRISCHANDIDWHAT trended on Twitter, reaching 4th overall trend on July 30th,<ref>[https://www.sportskeeda.com/pop-culture/who-chris-chan-sonichu-comic-creator-leaves-twitter-scandalized-latest-trend Who is Chris Chan? Sonichu comic creator leaves Twitter scandalized with latest trend]</ref> exposing a large number of otherwise uninvolved individuals to the story of Chris-Chan causing the [[Orbiter Wave]].

On 31 July, Null, who had access to Chris's email (with Chris's permission) since the [[Guard Dogs]] Saga,<ref name="marvinqna">[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/the-chris-chan-extortionists.45366/post-3553571 Marvin answers questions regarding OPERATION: Kingsnake]</ref><ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/operation-kingsnake.44345/ OPERATION: Kingsnake]</ref> found that Chris had received $750.00 from Barb's bank account, meaning he had either contacted Barb or gained access to Barb's bank account himself, either of which would violate the emergency protection order. When confronted, Chris initially denied the accusation, claiming he had "managed to find blessings in the minimum abundance needed." However, upon further questioning Chris about the money, he confirmed that he had had access to Barb's account for some time, contrary to Null's previous assumption that Barb had been in control of Chris's finances and not vice versa. Being upset by Chris embezzling from his mother and feeling betrayed that Chris lied to him to try to cover it up, Null finally cut all contact with him, reported the theft to authorities, and canceled the transfer of the GoFundMe money, arranging for it to be refunded to the donors.<ref name=NullTexts>[[Incest fallout chat leaks#Chris takes money from Barb]]</ref>

==Arrest==
{{quote|I am [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], your [[Messiah complex|Goddess]] [[CPU Blue Heart|Blue Heart]], and I continue to stand strong, and I maintain everything with [[CWCVille]] and my [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichus]] and [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]] and everybody. I keep in good faith that everything is going to work out.|Chris, while being arrested.<ref name=video>[[#Video|Video of Chris's arrest filmed by Killstream crew]]</ref>}}
[[File:Arrestchu.jpeg|thumb|left|400px|"Ladies and gentlemen, we got him."]]
On the evening of 31 July, Reddit user ''[[Chrisisaman]]'' located [[Son-chu]] at the Regency Inn in [[Richmond]], confirming that Chris was in the city and that he would be spending time in a motel.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20210801045236/https://old.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/ovlys1/location_confirmed_10_minutes_ago/ Archived Reddit post confirming Chris's location]</ref> The next day, [[Post-Merge Era|a number of people]] attempted to observe or contact Chris there. Observers noticed police cars stationed at the motel, but because the place was known to have a seedy reputation, it was not obvious if they were there for Chris or for some other reason. These cop cars eventually left without arresting Chris.

The most significant of the observers was YouTuber [[Ethan Ralph]] who livestreamed himself and his friends [[Ween|driving to the motel to meet Chris]]. The group [[Live Reading of SNT Vs Sonichu, Part 2|ordered a pizza]] in the hopes of luring him out, but this was unsuccessful - Chris was apparently too busy messaging [[The WCT]].{{refn|The time Ralph was knocking on Chris's door - about 3:01 PM<ref name=snippet/> - is almost exactly the same as the timestamps on Chris's final messages to The WCT - 3:10 PM.<ref>[[WCT DMs#Chris's final messages]]</ref>}} They then went about knocking on every door on the second floor (Chris had previously been filmed walking along the second floor balcony, suggesting that was where he was staying), but this was fruitless as well, and only led to the menagerie being ordered to leave by a [[Jerkop|motel employee]].<ref name=snippet>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/8-1-21-ethan-ralph-tries-to-drag-chris-chan-to-his-house.96772/post-9596798 Archived stream snippet]</ref>

Not giving up, the group went to the {{w|Regency Mall (Richmond, Virginia)|Regency Mall}} (of [[Christopher's name change#Leonard Bearstein|'the bear']] fame) across the street, following (incorrect) speculation that Chris might be there since he was not in his room. While livestreaming at the mall they had an encounter with a police officer, who would happen to be one of the officers who arrested Chris a few hours later (as Ethan acknowledges during the arrest).

Later that afternoon, Ralph was tipped off that four Henrico County police cars had shown up at the motel. At around 6:00 PM, he got back just in time to film two officers perp-walking Chris down from his room, streaming the whole debacle for a live audience of over 3,000 viewers. While the police talked to Chris, Ralph sporadically yelled questions and comments, to which Chris occasionally responded.

Unlike Chris's previous run-ins with the law, he remained mostly calm and compliant during the arrest (possibly due to [[The WCT]] having [[WCT DMs#Discussing the incest fallout|advised him the previous day]] to cooperate with the police during his arrest), though he rambled about the [[Dimensional Merge]] to both the police and Ralph's crew, promising that the Merge was in fact happening right at that moment. The police then loaded Chris into a squad car and left without answering Ralph's questions.<ref name=video/> An additional POV shot filmed by an anonymous onlooker showed Chris climbing directly into the cop car – the last footage of Chris to date.

===Video===

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris-Chan Arrested
| ytid = EqVo6ADqvgA
| style = {{Tragedy|[[Chris and stress|My Baby Blue Arms]]}}, {{Reason|text}}, {{Crazy|[[Autism|Tumbling Down, Tumbling Down, Tumbling Down]]}}
| stardate = 1st [[August 2021]]
| saga = {{Incest|text}} {{Prison|text}}
| previous =
| next =
}}

===Transcript===
'''NOTE''': This transcript begins around 2:24:54, shortly after Ralph changes the perspective on his phone camera.

{{collapsible|state=mw-collapsed|Transcript|
''[The song "Save Your Tears" by the Weeknd plays in the background, while we see the inside of Ethan Ralph's car.]''

'''Ralph''': You guys can't see this, but...

'''Girl''': They're bringing her out! They're bringing her out.

'''Ralph''': Oh, shit! Oh ''shit''--

''[The camera pans to a neighboring car, and a girl coming out with her phone to also film the events'']

'''Girl''': Oh my god!

'''Ralph''': They're arresting her!

''[Ralph gets out of the car and walks toward the fence. The woman from earlier is now kneeling with her phone pointing at the motel. Ralph walks past her.]''

'''Ralph''': Sorry.

''[Camera zooms in on the motel, focusing on the second floor, where the police officers are walking Chris]''

'''Girl in background''': Oh my god!

'''Ralph''': Yeah, they're arresting Chris-Chan here at the hotel.

'''Chris''': ''(yelling) To the trolls and anybody else on the internet, do not record this!''

'''Ralph''': ''(yelling)'' CHRIS-CHAN, ''WHAT'S UP?!'' Killstream, baby! When you get out, let's do the Killstream! Look me up!

'''Guy in background''': Let the charges drop! It's all about [[Null|Joshua Conner Moon]]!

'''Ralph''': Tell 'em all about Josh Moon, that's who they want!

''[Bystanders start yelling]''

'''Girl in background''': Give it up, Chris-Chan!

'''Guy in background''': Give him up... save yourself, girl!

'''Another guy in background''': Magi-Chan will help you!

'''Guy in background''': You're beautiful!

'''Ralph''': Look up Ethan Ralph, Killstream! I live here in Richmond, buddy!

'''Girl in background''': Go to church!

'''Ralph''': No, come to... come to the Killstream first!

''[As the cops walk Chris down the stairs, there is more yelling]''

'''Person below''': ETHAN I BOUGHT YOUR STICKER!

'''Ralph''': YEEEAH! What kind of shit is this? Holy shit! Oh my god, thank you!

''[The cops are now walking Chris past the motel entrance]''

'''Guy in background''': Got a (indistinct) here!

'''Girl in background''': Christian Weston Chandler, right here being...

''[Camera turns past a nearby building as Ralph runs toward the motel parking lot]''

'''Ralph''': Oh, shit, oh! You better hurry Jesse, you're missing out! Hehe.

''[The camera now zooms in on Chris and three police officers, now standing outside a police car]''

'''Police officer''':...oh no, (indistinct) transport in the front...

''[One of the officers says something to Chris that cannot be heard, presumably asking for his name]''

'''Chris''': ...Chris-Chan, or Sonichu, as they know...

''[Stream freezes for a couple seconds]''

'''Girl in background''':...Chris. (indistinct) Bring 'em...

''[A fourth officer gets out of one of the police cars]''

'''Ralph''': Hey, officers, how's it going?

'''Police officer''': How you doing? I just saw you.

'''Ralph''': Yeah, that's right! That's you, oh my god!

'''Person in background''': Sorry about that, guys.

'''Ralph''': I told you!

'''Chris''': I'm going, I'm complying...

'''Girl in background''': (To Ralph) Is the car unlocked?

'''Chris''': I'm complying, I am good like this!

'''Guy in background''': (To Chris) You are, you absolutely are!

'''Girl in background''': (To Ralph) Is the car unlocked?

'''Ralph''': (To Girl) Yeah, I think so.

'''Ralph''': (To Chris) Yeah, you appear to be complying.

'''Chris''': I am Chris-Chan Sonichu, your [[CPU Blue Heart|Goddess Blue Heart]], and I continue to stand strong, and I maintain everything with [[CWCVille]] and my [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichus and Rosechus]] and everybody.

'''Ralph''': Yeah, you're live to about 3,000 people right now, Christian!

'''Guy in background''': How do you plead?

'''Ralph''': Well don't...you're taking everything in stride, you said you're doing good?

'''Chris''' : Yeah. I keep a good faith everything is going to work out.

'''Ralph''': Doing good, feeling good?

'''Chris''' : Yep.

'''Ralph''': How's the last few days been? I know it's been pretty [[Stress|stressful]].

'''Chris''' : Bit stressful, but... I've taken it one moment at a time and...I've got my...I've got my loves.

'''Ralph''': Well that's good.

'''Guy in background''': Do you, like, Josh Moon, like, did you dirty?

''[An officer begins frisking Chris, and apparently finds something on his waistband]''

'''Chris''': (To officer) Oh, well, that's just the one thing, that's a pin. Feel free, just go ahead and take it out, it's a picture of Muffins from ''[[My Little Pony]]''.

'''Guy in background''': Your [[Love Quest]] is over, Chris!

'''Chris''': (To officer) I promise like...I was not (indistinct) to fall... it fell off my bag, I did not want to lose it. And please, I would like that in my collection. (indistinct)

'''Jesse''': Hey, Ethan!

'''Ralph''': What's up, Jesse?

'''Jesse''': How you doing?

'''Ralph''': Boy we almost missed it, huh?

''[Ralph and Jesse laugh]''

'''Jesse''': I was wandering around the mall.

''[The officer starts searching Chris's left side]''

'''Chris''': Well, heh. He's not offering me any options there...

'''Officer''': I'm just letting you know I'm... (indistinct)

'''Girl in background''': I literally ran out to get that (chuckles). This is nuts.

''[Someone makes a noise in the background]''

'''Jesse''': Christine, this man does want to help you.

'''Ralph''': Yeah, we were trying to get you on the show, but...look, when you get out, look me up, Killstream. I don't know if you know who I am or not.

'''Girl in background''': We're here to help you!

''[Indistinct yelling in background]''

'''Ralph''': We saw what Josh was doing to you, so we wanted to come try to talk to you.

''[The cop finishes his search]''

'''Police officer''': (To Chris) Do you have anything else on you?

'''Chris''': I have nothing else on me.

''[The police officer says something to Chris]''

'''Chris''': I understand. I have no weed, I have no drugs on (indistinct)... like I said, frisk me, there you go! (chuckles)

'''Ralph''': (Chuckles)

'''Chris''': [[Homos|That felt good]]!

'''Ralph''': (Laughs loudly)

'''Chris''': Thank you.

'''Police officer''': Alright, let's have a seat.

'''Jesse''': Christine, is the merge coming?

'''Ralph''': Aight...

'''Chris''': It's happening now, we're on the very last thread!

'''Ralph''': (talking over Chris) The Merge, it's happening right now, isn't it?

'''Girl in background''': It's happening right now, it is.

'''Chris''': We're living it!

''[Chris turns to the officers.]''

'''Chris''': (indistinct) ...Batman into a hero.

''[Chris sits down as one of the officers points into the back of the police car]''

'''Girl in background''': It's happening right now.

'''Guy in background''': Merge the dimensions, Chris!

'''Ralph''': Farewell, Chris Chan!

'''Girl in background''': (indistinct) The Dimensional Merge is happening right now, August 1, 2021.

''[Chris disappears into the back of the police car]''

'''Ralph''': Well there goes Chris Chan into the Henrico County... deputy's car here.

'''Guy in background''': Don't let the boulder(?) hit you!

'''Ralph''': I don't think they've had an... arrest like this.

'''Girl in background''': No, don't think so.

'''Ralph''': We just got here, too.

'''Guy in background''': This is like the first time nobody's filming the police.

'''Girl in background''': I know.

''[Everyone laughs]''

'''Someone else in background''': ...beginning of an era.

'''Another person in background''': ...did you bring the wallet?

'''Guy in background''': Which one of you wanted to ask questions?

'''Jesse''': Oh I had a chance, but...

'''Ralph''': Okay...

'''Guy in background''': (To officers) Yeah, please do take like good care of her, she is like a good person.

'''Police officer''': I will. I treat everybody the same, man. Alright, y'all have a good day.

'''Ralph''': Thank you, officers.

'''Guy in background''': Thank you.

'''Ralph''': I appreciate y'all taking enough time for me to get here, too.

''[Camera turns away from the police cars]''

'''Ralph''': Woww! (breathing heavily) Was that... (camera turns to show Ralph's face) ...was that a scoop or what, ladies and gentlemen? What the, what in the world? Oh as always, falling into my lap here!

'''Guy in background''': (indistinct) ...tell me I didn't make it happen, I told you it was gonna happen.

'''Girl in background''': Dude... (indistinct)

'''Ralph''': He did, he told me. I wasn't going to come out to all this, but...

'''Girl in background''': I can't believe he stayed over here!

'''Ralph''': ...we just got the footage, Jesse PS was riding up over here!

''[End of relevant footage.]''
}}

==Initial jail stay==
[[File:Chris Chan Calls Sonichu In Jail.jpg|thumb|left|250px|{{w|Spec Ops: The Line|"None of this would've happened if you just ''stopped''."}}]]
[[File:Henrico County Jail West.JPG|thumb|300px|Aerial view of Henrico County Jail West]]
[[File:Central Virginia Regional Jail.JPG|thumb|300px|Aerial view of Central Virginia Regional Jail]]
At 8:23 PM later that day, Chris was booked into Henrico County Jail West and held without bail.<ref name=charged/><ref name=sun>{{Cite web
| url = https://www.the-sun.com/news/3394847/chris-chan-sonichu-arrested-incest/
| autoarchive = 20210804202308
| title = Chris Chan arrested for ‘incest’ after claims Sonichu comic book creator sexually assaulted family member
| website = The Sun
}}</ref> On 2 August 2021, the Charlottesville CBS affiliate, CBS 19, reported on the case, following the release of a press release from the Greene County Sheriff's Department indicating that Chris had been moved to [[Chris's homes#Central Virginia Regional Jail|Central Virginia Regional Jail]], which serves several rural counties including Greene County.<ref name="press release">Press release on [https://www.cbs19news.com/story/44432363/suspect-arrested-in-sex-crimes-against-family-member-case CBS], [https://www.facebook.com/269663503100241/photos/a.398555170211073/4389133984486485/?type=3 Facebook]</ref>

Calls to the Sheriff's Office confirmed that Chris was being held on a charge of incest. Notably, the charge against Chris is listed on the Henrico Sheriff's Office website as "incest with own child or grandchild",<ref name=charged>[[:File:Charged.png]]</ref> presumably because "incest with own parent" charges are too uncommon to warrant an option for them in the software.<ref>{{Cite farms
|thread = 96776
|post = 9613612
|title = Chris - The Legal Issues - A Prosecutor's Perspective
|user = TherapyMan
|wayback = 20210804182815
}}</ref>

The record for Chris's custody status initially labelled him as female<ref>[[:File:Chris custody status female gender.png]]</ref> due to him having legally changed the gender marker on his driver's license in 2016.<ref>[[:File:Christine license.jpg]]</ref> It was claimed by sensationalist media that Chris would be housed in a female jail,<ref>https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9859653/Trans-YouTuber-Chris-Chan-39-filed-female-police-housed-women-inmates.html</ref><ref name=tucker>[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9PW_XVGWHw Tucker Carlson discusses Chris-Chan]</ref> though this was not confirmed by official sources. The custody status record was updated to list Chris as male without explanation and he was placed in a corresponding facility.<ref name=InsiderGender>[https://www.insider.com/chris-chan-arrest-jail-transgender-trans-woman-men-male-incest-2021-8 After her arrest on an incest charge, Chris Chan is being categorized as male in jail despite being a trans woman]</ref> It is noted that transgender inmates in Virginia are usually only placed in the prison of their identified gender if they have received sex-change surgery,<ref>[https://richmond.com/news/virginia/transgender-prison-inmates-5-to-6-times-more-likely-to-be-victims-of-sexual-assault/article_79c231fd-4d27-5a38-bc48-500301794348.html Transgender prison inmates 5 to 6 times more likely to be victims of sexual assault in U.S., study says]</ref> which Chris has not. On 7 August 2021, conservative media host {{w|Tucker Carlson}} briefly talked about the discourse in a {{w|Fox News}} segment, exposing millions of retired, right-wing boomers to Chris for the first time.<ref name=tucker></ref>

Many observers predicted Chris would not take to an extended jail stay well. However, on August 5, the jail's Captain Hoffman told news, "I've had an interaction with inmate Chandler and it's been fine. Everything is okay."<ref name=InsiderGender/> This surprising revelation could be explained by a [[Jail Letter - 8 November 2021 (Stories from the Penitentiary)|letter]] Chris sent from jail in early November, which strongly implies that he has been placed in some form of protective custody to ensure his safety. A [[Jail Letter - 4 October 2021|previous letter]] he sent in early October confirms that he is being fed well and that he has been able to purchase minor luxuries from the jail's commissary including playing cards, earplugs and a [[Muscle bra|sports bra]].

==Legal proceedings and communications==
The case is being handled by the Greene County Juvenile and Domestic Relations court.<ref name=ContinuanceDate>{{Cite farms|thread=105669|title=11/18/2021 - Court case continued into the new year}}</ref> Due to the sensitive nature of the court's cases, it is unknown what details will be publicly available.

=== First court appearance ===
[[File:HeilbergPortraitNew.jpg|200px|thumb|left|Chris's lawyer, David Heilberg.]]
On 4 August 2021, Kenneth Sneathern, a judge from Greene County's General District Court, assigned David Heilberg to represent Chris, and also transferred the case to Greene's J&DR (Juvenile and Domestic Relations) court for bond.

During the hearing, Chris requested feminine pronouns be used for himself due to being [[transgender]].<ref name=initial_trial/>

=== Second court appearance ===
On 5 August 2021, Chris appeared before Greene County's J&DR court for the beginning of his arraignment, represented by Charlottesville public defender David Heilberg.<ref name=initial_trial/>

Edwin Consolvo, the attorney representing [[Greene County]], asked presiding judge David M. Barredo to deny Chris bond out of concern for "the community's safety and Ms. Chandler's safety," pointing out that "it’s clear that people sought out where Chandler was staying at a hotel in Henrico and videotaped her arrest." Chris interrupted by loudly saying, "[[Chris and his ego|I'm famous on the internet]]," to which Heilberg advised him not to speak unless spoken to by the court.

Chris was sworn in to state his case for bond, but instead demanded to be allowed to pick up personal possessions first, saying he would be "willing to proceed with everything if I can get that done."

Judge Barredo pointed out that bond considerations involve whether a defendant is a flight risk and whether the defendant is a danger to himself, his family, or community. Chris interrupted to say, "she", in reference to his [[transgender]] identity; Barredo responded he was reciting from the state statute.

Barredo ordered Chris to be held without bond until the preliminary trial on 16 September, listing as reasons the nature of the allegations against Chris and that there appears to be a personal danger to Chris and the public at large. While Heilberg was informing the judge that he sought "[[Autism papers|evaluations]]" of Chris, Chris ''interrupted his own attorney'' by loudly stomping on the floor and demanding "to get everything back home,” claiming "I won’t feel safe proceeding" until he could get the items back.<ref name=initial_trial>[https://dailyprogress.com/community/greenenews/news/internet-personality-chris-chan-in-court-on-incest-charge/article_eaa0710c-f492-11eb-bba8-7f35686d288a.html Internet personality "Chris-Chan" in court on incest charge] [https://web.archive.org/web/20210805180746/https://dailyprogress.com/community/greenenews/news/internet-personality-chris-chan-in-court-on-incest-charge/article_eaa0710c-f492-11eb-bba8-7f35686d288a.html (archive)]</ref>

Judging by Chris's behavior, it can be inferred that Chris either did not fully understand or [[Chris and remorse|care about]] the seriousness of his charges and the possible [[Chris and negotiation|consequences]], or that he still expected to be saved by the [[Dimensional Merge]].

On 9 August 2021, Newsweek posted an article on the case, quoting Heilberg, who said that his client was "legally disabled with mental health issues," and called Chris's online antics "a product of mental health issues causing misguided attention seeking and often provocative engagement with others."<ref name=MentalHealth>{{Cite web
| url = https://www.newsweek.com/chris-chans-lawyer-says-mental-health-issues-contributed-incest-charge-1617388
| title = Chris Chan's Lawyer Says 'Mental Health Issues' Contributed to Incest Charge
| last = Beresford
| first = Jack
| website = Newsweek
}}</ref>

=== Continuance and first letter from jail ===
{{Main|Jail Letter - 19 September 2021}}
[[File:Nullletter1.jpg|thumb|200px|The first page of Chris's letter.]]
Chris's next court appearance was to begin 16 [[September 2021]],<ref name=initial_trial/> but got a continuance before the hearing was even set to commence{{refn|The hearing was scheduled for 10:00 AM;<ref name=initial_trial/> news of the continuance broke at 8:31 AM.<ref name=time>{{Cite farms
| thread = 9-16-2021-court-case-gets-a-continuance.100315
| post = 9988888
| title = 9-16-21: Court Case Gets a Continuance
| autoarchive = 20211022184458
}}</ref>}} due to the defense requesting more time to evaluate Chris's [[Chris and mental healthcare|mental health]], giving him a brief respite.<ref name=ContinuanceReason>{{Cite farms
| thread = 9-16-2021-court-case-gets-a-continuance.100315
| post = 9990379
| title = 9-16-21: Court Case Gets a Continuance
| autoarchive = 20211022184106
}}</ref>

Three days later, Chris penned a bizarre letter directed to [[Null]] and defense lawyer David Heilberg, in which he ranted at [[Null]] for turning his back on Chris, and claimed to be [[Jesus Christ]] reincarnated, among other equally batshit statements.<ref name=letter/>

=== More communications from jail ===
{{See also|Jail Communications}}
In [[:Category:Jail Letters|additional correspondences from jail]], Chris provides brief updates on his current experiences and conditions in jail. He would also continue to double down on [[Chris and reality|his delusions]], threaten any weens to not steal things from his house, beg for money for both himself and Barbara, and demand his release from jail. In [[Jail Letter - 3 October 2021|one of these letters]] Chris rejects a fan's attempt to convert him to Islam. As with his previous replies, he draws offensive comparisons between himself and Allah, and rants more about the [[Dimensional Merge]].

Chris has also called several people while in jail using the inmate telephone service, although, what Chris says in these calls is not much different from what can be found inside the letters. However, [[Jail Call - 11 January 2022|in one of the calls]], Chris states that he has attempted to call Barbara multiple times, only to receive no answer from her.

=== Third court appearance ===

Chris's second court appearance was scheduled for the 18 [[November 2021|November]].<ref name=ContinuanceDate></ref> Several fans attempted to attend this hearing, but were turned away by courthouse staff,<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/qwr53j/tried_going_to_the_hearing_but_was_turned_away_by/</ref> as the hearing was closed at the request of Chris's lawyer.<ref name=ContinuanceDate></ref>

Another continuance was granted, with the next hearing taking place after the new year, on 3 [[February 2022]].<ref name=ContinuanceDate></ref> Chris spent the Thanksgiving, [[Christmas]], and New Years holidays behind bars.

The 3 February hearing was also closed to the public and resulted in another continuance. As a result, Chris spent his 40th [[Christian Love Day|birthday]] incarcerated and missed out on [[BABSCon]] in April. The 28 [[July 2022]] court hearing took place without a continuance, four days short of the one-year anniversary of his arrest,<ref>{{cite farms|thread=112013|post=11138163}}</ref> which resulted in the case being presented to a Grand Jury.

=== Transfer ===
[[File:Transfer.jpg|thumb|200px|Email from VINE confirming the transfer.]]

On 28 February 2022, the Virginia VINE Service confirmed that Chris had been transferred to another location from Central Virginia Regional Jail.<ref>[https://vinelink.vineapps.com/person-detail/offender/17312020;tabIndexToSelect=0 VINELink page]</ref><ref>{{Cite farms
|thread = 113715
|post = 11292959
|title = Chris transferred to another facility
|user = Turbocuck
|wayback = 20220302065944
}}</ref> Details regarding the circumstances that led to this are not known, but Chris eventually confirmed he had been sent to [[Western State Hospital]].<ref name=1jun>[[Jail Letter - 1 June 2022]]</ref><ref group = "note">VINELink could not track Chris in the period of his transfer, so wherever he was placed is not a jail. The courts are required by law to say if Chris was transferred to a prison. The transfer status would be "Released" if Chris was sent back to his house. When called, CVRJ says the information is "Privileged" which usually means medical.</ref> This was due to a competency evaluation following his third hearing, so he could be "educated" on court proceedings for his July hearing.
[[File:Inmate No Longer Here.jpg|thumb|left|A letter to Chris's jail being rejected due to him being transferred.]]
Someone claiming to work for an EMS later private messaged the CWCki Jerkop [[User:Larry the Larryhog|Larry the Larryhog]] about Chris's record.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/feb-28-2022-chris-transferred-to-another-facility.113715/page-31#post-11335917 Kiwi Farms post regarding Chris's record]</ref> They claimed that Chris was transferred via ambulance with a law enforcement escort and that Chris was able to receive narcotic sedative when needed (though the claims are yet to be verified). A Kiwi Farms member claimed that Chris may have been brought to Western State Hospital,<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/feb-28-2022-chris-transferred-to-another-facility.113715/page-15#post-11307353 Kiwi Farms post claiming that Chris was transferred to the Western State Hospital]</ref> which specializes in mental disorders, and this was eventually confirmed by [[Jail Letter - 1 June 2022]], in which Chris revealed details indicating Western State Hospital.

=== Second Transfer ===
[[File:May3jailconfirmed.PNG|thumb|200px]]
[[File:Cwcjailphotomay3.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris's third mugshot. The shit eating grin on his face has faded away, and all it took was a simple game of [[Jail Letter - 1 June 2022|Pin The Autistic a day before his return]].]]
Chris was transferred back to the Central Virginia Regional Jail on 3 [[May 2022]]. A mugshot that was taken after the transfer, the first photo of him since [[August 2021]], shows Chris noticeably thinner, with longer hair, more sunken-in eyes, and looking much more gaunt and less enthusiastic than he did previously. This was apparently due to a second [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|pin-me-down]] event occurring shortly before, likely from [[Chris and anger|a violent outburst or other such altercation]] with the orderlies.<ref name=1jun></ref>

=== Fourth court appearance and Grand Jury ===

{{Protip|Chris was sent to a {{w|Grand juries in the United States#Virginia|grand jury}}, not a trial. At this point his sentence has not been determined.}}

Chris's fourth court appearance was scheduled for 10:00AM EDT on 28 [[July 2022]]<ref>https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1002207497098105012/1002207619286577203/2022-07-28_06-31-26.mov</ref> as revealed by a call from an anonymous Discord user to the Greene County Juvenile and Domestic Relations court. It has to be noted that the courthouse gave this information freely and without asking any further questions about the inquiry.

[[Kenneth Engelhardt]] had confirmed that Chris has been sent to a <abbr title="A jury of peers, larger than a regular jury, who determine if someone is competent to stand trial, or if the state currently has enough evidence to charge them with a felony. The grand jury does not determine someone's innocence or guilt.">grand jury</abbr> for potential felony charges.

{{quoteboxonion|I just called the Clerk of Court for Greene County regarding CWC. Yes it is verified this is going before a grand jury on felony charges.}}

Chris's next hearing is expected to occur on 8 August 2022.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Proof Call
| ytid = 2uQkwRB8njA
| style =
| stardate = 28 July 2022
| saga = {{Prison|text}}
| previous =
| next =
}}

=== Looking forward ===
Exactly what is next for Chris will be heavily influenced by the outcome of the legal processes involved. Son-mother incest is a Class 5 felony in Virginia.<ref>https://law.lis.virginia.gov/vacode/title18.2/chapter8/section18.2-366/</ref> Class 5 is a wobbler felony which can either remain as a felony or be downgraded to a misdemeanor.<ref>https://law.lis.virginia.gov/vacode/title18.2/chapter1/section18.2-10/</ref><ref>https://www.silislaw.com/blog/2014/april/virginia-criminal-law-basics-felonies/</ref> With his charge imminent to be upgraded to a felony, he could be facing a [[Kick the autistic|much longer sentence]]; the maximum sentence for felony incest is 10 years, and the maximum sentence for rape is life, with the possibility of [[28 October 2011|other]] [[26 December 2014|charges]] stacking on top of it, adding additional years to his sentencing. If Barb is found to have been physically incapacitated, Chris will be placed on the [[List of places that have banned Chris#Looking ahead|sex offender registry]] for a minimum of fifteen years when (or if) he gets out.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20210318155920/http://sex-offender.vsp.virginia.gov/sor/statutes.html</ref> In addition, if Chris is charged with a felony, his subsequent legal proceedings must be open to the public.

Many observers have suspected that Chris' lawyer attempted to get him to take up a plea deal with a year of time served, but that Chris rejected such a deal, possibly out of the belief that he would still be saved by the Dimensional Merge, or at the very least think he'll be found not guilty [[Honor Roll|despite effectively confessing to the act of incest multiple times]] in both the [[Incest Call]] and [[Incest Texts]].

Another possibility is that Chris has taken a plea deal and that the terms of the deal include a felony conviction. This would allow Chris to be released on a suspended sentence plus time served, with the threat of prison time should he violate the conditions of his release. If Chris were released with a misdemeanor conviction, the prosecution would not be able to attach any conditions to his release because he has already served the full time for his offense.

Further complicating matters is that as early as [[Jail Letter - 11 May 2022|11 May 2022]], Chris began denying he had ever engaged in any sexual affairs with Barb (despite previously stating he had in the [[Incest Call]] and [[Incest Texts]]), even claiming that Bella confessed to fabricating information during the call without any clarification whatsoever.<ref name=1jun></ref> Needless to say, if Chris were to intentionally give false statements in a court of law, it would be digging a deeper hole for him, given existing evidence.

If Barb consented to sex or even made the first move (which would be consistent with [[Barbara Chandler#Intimate behavior|Barb's long-known uncomfortably touchy-feely behavior around Chris]]), she could be charged as a willing accomplice, and will most certainly need to [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|vacate]] her home in the event of a conviction. However, if she did not or could not consent, Chris could be facing a potential rape charge which, in the worst case, could net him a life sentence. Whether or not he will be allowed to take up parole will be up to the State of Virginia to decide, given the severity of such charges. However, Chris alleges that Heilberg told him that Barbara was never questioned about her involvement in the incest on account of her old age and "falling mentality".<ref>[[Jail Letter - 11 May 2022]]</ref>

==Charge==
On 29 [[July 2022]], Greene County Circuit Court posted information relating to Chris's case. Chris's case number is CR22000141-00 and the offense is 18.2-366 (written in the software as "Incest w/own child"), a Class 5 felony. The information also provides official confirmation that Chris had been sent to [[Western State Hospital]] earlier in the year. It also notes that David Heilberg had sent a letter to Chris before the last hearing. Note that the dates aren't accurately reflected, as the records weren't public until July 29. Future pleadings and orders regarding Chris will presumably be dated accurately and have all boxes filled in.

<center><gallery>
File:Court Record - Greene Circuit Court - Incest - (Chris, CR22000141-00) - 29 July 2022.png
File:Court Record - Greene Circuit Court - Incest - (Chris, CR22000141-00) - 29 July 2022 Pleadings-Orders.png
</gallery></center>

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu Saves Chris Chan from Prison to Fight Clyde Cash & Liquid Chris!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-BCDY1xWcUM}}
| stardate = 11 [[September 2021]]
| maker = sheWIND
| subject = Chris in jail
| type = Animation
| info = "Christine Weston Chandler, aka Chris Chan, mayor of Cwcville, is rescued by the demential merge after going to jail for hurting Barb by Sonichu to have a final battle against some of his strongest trolls, Clyde Cash and Liquid Chris!!"
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = chris chan in prison
| video = {{#ev:youtube|9Yq3D_ohKXw}}
| stardate = 3 [[January 2022]]
| maker = Antonio Prola
| subject = Chris in jail
| info = "......you know the how expression too many cooks spoil the broth? Well t- this was too many crooks! Too many CROOKS! TOO many CROOKS! And that ED page is one of those crooks. Every page. Every word. On the discussion page. Is a crook."

}}

==See also==
*[[28 October 2011]]
*[[26 December 2014]]
*[[Post-Merge Era]]

{{Notes}}

==References==
<references/>
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{IncestSaga}}
{{PrisonSaga}}
{{Law}}
[[Category:Articles with Jail Saga speculation]]

Father Call

2021-11-10T09:49:32Z

HarryHowler:

{{Troll}}
[[Image:Md.PNG|thumb|Chris's drawing of <s>Guile</s> Kacey's father (from [[Sonichu Special 4]]).]]

The '''Father Call''' is a [[Phone calls|phone call]] that occurred on 4 [[November 2009]]. In this call, [[Solid Chris]] spends 2 hours on the phone with [[Trolls|Matthew Devoria]] (born [[1957]]), father of his would-be [[sweetheart]] [[Kacey]], and a retired [[Wikipedia:United States Marine Corps|U.S. Marine]] who served in the [[Wikipedia:Gulf War|Gulf War]]. Chris uses the opportunity of speaking to the dad of his sweetheart by boasting of his now-legendary [[honest]]y before flimsily attempting to defend himself from an angry father.

Their conversation is illuminating. What follows is probably the most blunt personal assessment Chris has ever received to date: Matt berates Chris for his [[Monthly tugboat|laziness]], [[Chris and his Ego|egotism]], [[Chris and death|lack of empathy]], [[Chris's room|inability to grow up]], [[Chris and health|unhealthy lifestyle]], [[obesity]], [[Women's rights|treatment of Kacey]] and general failure at life. To this day, Chris has never taken any of Matt and Kacey's advice to heart; throughout the call he retorts by saying that he leads a hard life, which includes such laborious tasks as doing menial [[chores]], [[CWC Fighter|mowing the lawn]] and ''[[Tour of Chris's House|cleaning the house]]''. He also claims to be [[I AM STRONG|strong]] and that he [[Guitar Hero|exercises]] [[Mass debating|regularly]], as well as eating healthy by going to [[McDonald's]] only once per week and [[Homos|shoving vegetables down his throat]].

After being berated with insults for two hours (or so he says), Chris became increasingly more [[stress]]ed, frequently making insensitive statements towards Matthew. In general, Chris greatly offended Kacey and her father, causing her to rethink her relationship and go back to [[Liquid Chris]].

Chris recorded his [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5 November video]] as a follow-up to this conversation, hoping to repair his relationship with Kacey. He then had another [[Kacey and Liquid Call|phone conversation with Kacey]], which, to put it bluntly, ended equally as poorly.

==Summary==
* Throughout the call, ''Portal'' is occasionally heard in the background, as well as constant typing sounds every so often. A turret from the game can briefly be heard at approximately 1 hour and 20 minutes in.
* Chris sighs constantly during the call – to a point where Matthew points out the constant sighing ''3 times''.
* The call begins with Chris talking to Kacey and making some rather dubious-sounding claims about his weightlifting prowess, saying he [[11042009 51 50|just got done lifting 50 pounds]] 51 times with each arm, a total of 102 reps according to Chris. Kacey doesn't bother to question Chris on the truth of these claims, and instead hands the phone over to Matthew.
* Before she hands the phone over, however, Kacey claims she has to lift at least 100 pounds for her job. Chris does not question how or why a waitress would have to lift that many pounds.
* Matt starts out being fairly civil toward Chris, though it's immediately obvious that he doesn't have much respect for him. Matt begins by calling out Chris on his underwhelming employment record, and tells him that no sane employer would take his claim of being a [[Pokémon]] Gym Leader/babysitter seriously.
* Upon being questioned as to the source of his monthly income, Chris reveals his [[autism]] and the corresponding monthly tugboat. Matt asks if any hypothetical children (or "'tard babies", as he says) of Chris and Kacey would also be autistic, and while Chris denies that they would be, Matt checks with Kacey, who confirms that autism is more often than not genetic. This is the first of several times Chris lies during the call, and while Matt goes easy on him this time, he won't be so generous the next time Chris does it.
* Chris reveals his dream about God promising him a daughter named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. Not only does Matt consider the idea of God sending Chris messages to be blasphemous, he doesn't even like Crystal as a name and believes it's more appropriate for a [[Little Tomboy Blue|stripper]], or [[wikipedia:Cristal (wine)|an expensive brand of]] [[Alcohol|champagne]]. Chris corrects him with the pronunciation of the name to not sound like a stripper, "Chris-tul", not "Chris-tal" (he also misspells the name). Chris ignores the fact that Kacey does not like the name that much either, as Matthew points out.
* After indirectly confirming to Matthew that he was interested primarily in Kacey for her looks, he is questioned on why the great and powerful Liquid was impersonating him. Solid's response is to claim that Liquid was jealous of his success with ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]''. Matt is at first completely bewildered as to why Chris is spending so much time on ''Sonichu'', before using it to make the point that Chris has completely failed to move on from his teenage years. Matthew commits a potentially damaging mistake when he points out that Sega own the rights to Sonic the Hedgehog, despite having earlier claimed not to know anything about the character, leading to him clumsily backtracking on his statement; fortunately, Chris doesn't notice this.
* The tone of the conversation takes a significant turn for the worse when Matt brings up the subject of [[Twin Falling Towers]], and says that he found that said video to be especially offensive since his mother (Kacey's grandmother) was one of the casualties in the World Trade Center on 11 September 2001. Chris's only response is to blame it all on [[Clyde Cash]], because [[Mumble 9.5|he was being "mean" to Chris]]; Matthew is unsurprisingly baffled as to why Chris tried "getting back" at a random guy on the internet by mockingly comparing him to the subject of one of the all-time biggest American tragedies.
* Chris tries to elicit sympathy by claiming to have undergone "war-like tribulations" in his life. Matt tells Chris what war is ''actually'' like, recounting his Gulf War experiences, particularly an incident where he had to carry a dead colleague back to base. Chris retracts his statement about his problems being "war-like", but carries on whining about the hard burdens he's had to deal with, like pulling weeds, playing [[Guitar Hero||Gitar of Fail]], mowing the lawn, moving furniture, and burying his beloved [[Patti Chandler|dog]]. Matt is even more offended by the insinuation that this is equal to the death of his mother, and even points out his grandma with ''arthritis'' pulled weeds.
* Chris also seems to believe a dog house made of plastic and wood weighs 5 to 10 tons (10,000-20,000 pounds), and believes the doghouse would weigh more than any tombstone (which tend to weigh an average of about 80 pounds). Trying to gain sympathy by saying Patti's doghouse was essentially a tombstone. Chris believes plastic and wood would weigh more than solid stone, retracting the previous claim to saying the doghouse weighed 100 pounds. A small dog like Patti would not need a dog house that heavy nor large.
* Chris isn't discouraged by the fact that his attempts to earn sympathy aren't working, and rants semi-coherently about how the evil [[troll]]s have [[Kick the Autistic|made his life a misery]]. Not only does this self-pitying whining severely annoy Matt, Chris unwittingly digs himself a deeper hole by revealing details about the [[Ohio trip]] in the [[Julie]] saga, causing Matthew to angrily question him on why he wouldn't come to D.C. to meet Kacey if he were willing to drive +800 miles to another state to rescue a girlfriend he eventually found out didn't exist.
* Matt accuses Chris of acting like a child, and mentions the state of his room as proof that he's lazy and unwilling to take responsibility, remarking Chris's plan to be a house-husband. Chris just tries to blame [[Barb]] for not helping him, hypocritically saying Barb is lazy. Matt sarcastically comments on his lack of maturity, but Chris misses the sarcasm and thinks he's actually agreeing with him.
* In an unbelievably insensitive move even by his standards, ''Chris compares the effort that tidying his house would entail with the effort Matt spent carrying his dead colleague back to base''. Matt is rightfully ''furious'' at this comparison, and gets Kacey back on the phone to tell her how full of shit Chris is. Kacey tells Chris that he needs to respect Matthew more, before handing the phone back to her father. Chris tries to say he was being respectful and Matthew treats him like a child. Kacey points out he needs to be nicer and more respectful to Matthew (not to mention, throughout the call, Chris is acting ''like'' a child, which Matt doesn't overlook). After being yelled at by Kacey, Chris "apologizes" to Matthew, with Matthew seeing past his crap.
* An off-hand remark about the library leads Matt to question Chris on his reading habits. Chris says that the last book he read was ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Matt points out that's a book generally already read by high school students, and then asks him what he learned from the novel. Chris proceeds to describe the plot of ''Of Mice and Men''. Upon having this pointed out, Chris remembers which book he's talking about and gives a ''vaguely'' correct description of the plot, but seems to have only read (or paid attention to) the first half of the story. When Matt brings up the court case (a major part of the story) and the character of Atticus Finch (who is the main character's dad), Chris seems to not know what he's talking about.
* Matt says that Kacey reads books like Chris stuffs candy down his throat. Chris ''completely'' misses the point of that comparison, and angrily claims he has a healthy lifestyle. Matthew thoroughly mocks Chris's lack of basic comprehension skills, and challenges him to produce a video of himself exercising in order to prove his obviously false claims of being healthy.
* Returning to the subject of Crystal, Matthew asks Chris how he intends to support himself, Kacey and a child on his tugboat and a minimum wage job. Chris tries to claim that $8/hour is plenty for a family of three, to which Matt points out that not only is that amount of money nowhere near enough, the minimum wage is actually $7.25/hour. Chris takes a sneering tone during this debate, only serving to piss Matt off even more, and causing Kacey to again tell Chris to respect Matthew. By this point, Kacey is getting pissed off with Chris's disrespect and clear failure to listen to her and her father's advice.
* Matthew again questions Chris on his lifestyle, and asks him to take his pulse. Chris discovers his pulse to be 84 per minute; Kacey overhears this and tells Chris that with his history of heart trouble and unhealthy eating, such a pulse indicates a serious problem. Chris doesn't seem at all bothered by him possibly risking death, which really annoys Kacey and causes her to storm off.
* Chris bizarrely attempts to make himself look better by boasting that he's American-born and bred, and has never even left the country, somehow thinking this will impress a man who fought in Iraq. Matt points out that not only is this irrelevant since Kacey and Liquid Chris are also American, true patriots wouldn't make videos mocking national tragedies.
* Matt decides to test Chris's memory and asks him various details about Kacey; Chris gets her favorite color vaguely right, has no idea what her favorite flower is, and takes forever to remember which of her family members died on 9/11 (which should've been easy for Chris because Matt told him ''earlier in the conversation''). Matt tells Chris that he must be [[naïve]] to think he would have any chance with Kacey; Chris gets ''really'' annoyed by Matthew's usage of [[Niggos|the dreaded "N" word]] and actually implies that he would try to kick Matthew's ass were they in the same room. At least, until Matthew reminds him which of the two was formerly in the USMC, causing Chris to quickly backtrack on his threats.
* Out of nowhere, Chris suddenly brings up his experience of being restrained by his [[Bruce Johnson|elementary school principal]] and teachers. This is probably yet another attempt to gain sympathy, but Matthew just considers it more evidence that Chris has serious problems, and points out how hypocritical it is for him to accuse Liquid of being the crazy one.
* Matt brings up Chris's first meeting with Kacey (and her sister), and accuses him of acting in an inappropriate "touchy-feely" manner, which Chris just flat-out denies being true. This leads into Matthew questioning Chris on where he would take Kacey on a date, and in turn how much he would tip the server. Chris's response indicates that he believes the "15% rule" [[Autism|to be a cast-iron rule]], rather than just a rough guideline for tipping.
* Chris abruptly tries weaseling his way out of the call, partly because of how late at night it is, but also because he thinks Matthew is being disrespectful to ''him''. After some back and forth regarding Kacey, the future of Chris's relationship to her, her song dedication video, and Chris's own version of the song, Matthew snidely congratulates Chris on getting Kacey and Liquid back together.
* Kacey comes back one last time and rails at Chris for being disrespectful and generally full of shit, as Matthew attempts to hold back laughter. She mentions Chris failing to make her a comic (presumably what would become the [[Sonichu Special 4|Gun Comic]]) and instead making her a ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' level. Kacey reveals Chris asked her for her phone number, which she refused to give him until her parents trusted him – Chris claims he would have come to her if he knew where she was – despite earlier in the call implying after Julie, he would not travel to see any girlfriends. During this, she compares him to Liquid, who she says would've driven to see her soon as he knew she was upset (Chris didn't bother during the call to ask how she was when talking to Matthew). Chris doesn't give a clear answer to any of her accusations, resulting in her storming out of the call for good. The tape runs out before the call actually ends, but it's clear by now that Chris has fucked up, big time.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Father Call
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Jhp5WyvPWNI}}
| Stardate = 4 November 2009
| Featuring = [[Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = {{Liquid}} Liquid Saga
| previous = [[Kacey Call 24]]
| next = [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]
}} </center>

===Matthew Makes the Scene (0:00-4:26)===
'''Chris:''' Hello?

'''Kacey:''' Hey, Chris, it's Kacey!

'''Chris:''' Hi, Kacey, how are you?

'''Kacey:''' Um, I'm cool, um, I'm over at my parents' house, cause, um, they wanted to call [''Chris speaks over her''] 'cause they saw some of your videos and I gave them the letter.

'''Chris:''' Okay, all right. Actually, I'm uploading a [[11042009 51 50|video]] now, I did fif--I did 51 reps with, uh, 50-pound weights… well, not really weights, but as much as they are…

'''Kacey:''' You did 51 reps or 51 times? 'Cause reps are different.

'''Chris:''' You know, li… you know, lifted them up, 51 times, lifted them up with each arm. 51 times--arm, so it's a total of 102.

'''Kacey:''' Hmm. [''pause''] Well, at--was--was it hard?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it was hard, but… it was a show of strength anyway.

'''Kacey:''' Um, that's funny, 'cause I have to lift, like… 100 and more pounds for my job--I, but, um, let me go ahead and get my dad for you, because he wants to talk to you.

'''Chris:''' Alright, by the way what's his name? [''pause''] Mokay.

'''Kacey:''' I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, uh, it's Matthew.

'''Chris:''' Oh, Matthew, okay.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. [''corpsing'']

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Kacey:''' Alright, well gu--just give me a minute.

'''Chris:''' Okay. [''long pause and typing noises'']

'''Matthew:''' Hello, Chris. This is ''Matthew'', Kacey's father.

'''Chris:''' Hello, si--good evening, sir, how are you?

'''Matthew:''' I'm good, thank you. How are you?

'''Chris:''' I'm da--I'm doing good.

'''Matthew:''' Good. Good. So, uh… so, I've got a couple of questions for you… well, n'I mean more than a couple. Aaai?

'''Chris:''' That's fine, that's fine, I'm happy to oblige with an answe--with an honest answer.

'''Matthew:''' Okay. [''inhales''] Well, uh, first and foremost, uh, let's see, uh… you got a job, son?

'''Chris:''' Hmm, not currently, but [[Chris's resume|I am working towards getting a job]]. I have been filling applications left and right.

'''Matthew:''' Really, really, what kinds of places, uh, what kind of skills you got?

'''Chris:''' Hmm, yeah, w--yeah, I'm looking, um--I'm applying for, like, uh--retail stores and such, uh got an application for a new CVS in [[Ruckersville]], and uh, one over at the [[Walmart]], and I had one over at [[Target]]… I have worked before, I've worked at--duh, [[Wendy's]] in di--Ruckersville for a few months… first off, I worked off as a sales representative for, uh... [[Cutco]] Cutlery.

'''Matthew:''' Right, that's--that's minimum wage stuff, uh… yi, d'you go to college or something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|I went to college]] and, uh, got a degree and a certificate in [[CADD|Computer Aided Drafting and Design]].

'''Matthew:''' And you're working at… ''Target''… I mean, I know the economy's bad, but I mean… surely, you've gotta, you know, use that somehow, right? And how old are you again?

'''Chris:''' I'm 27… sir.

'''Matthew:''' You're almost ''30'' and you're working at the… ''Target''. You wanna work at Target, I should say.

'''Chris:''' Hmm… yeah, well, not really sure what kind of jobs my, uh… degree and certificate would get me, but I mean, like, you know… but I mean, if I--if I did know, then I'd certainly strike up on the job…

'''Matthew:''' You got a degree not knowing what kind of jobs you could get… in that field, and you've had it for how long? When did you graduate?

'''Chris:''' Hmm… I graduated in 2006.

'''Matthew:''' 2006, so you've had it for 3 years and you have done nothing with it… y-you haven't… you haven't had any jobs between then?

===The Pokémon Volunteer Who Lives with His Parents (4:28-11:01)===
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I had--I did--I did volunte--I have done volunteer work… uh… [''cut off'']

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't pay, though. Although, what kind? [''stutters''] Humor me.

'''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Matthew:''' Uwha--what kind of volunteer work? Humor me.

'''Chris:''' Alright, well yeah, I helped the--I helped, uh… the chil--I helped the, uh, children over at the--at the [[The GAMe PLACe|Assistant Gym Leader]] for the [[Pokémon]] [[Trading Card Game]] league, a few years back…

'''Matthew:''' P--''Pokémon''? Di--wait, that…

'''Chris:''' You know, teach them how to play, and building decks from ther-swha-what scraps they had, and uh… di--making sure they kept in order, y'know, d-d-don't get too crazy…

'''Matthew:''' And how long ago was this?

'''Chris:''' …I'm sorry, what was that?

'''Matthew:''' How long ago was this? I mean, wasn't that ''Pokémon'' thing, wasn't that back in [[1990s|the 90s]] when that was really popular? Because I think my youngest daughter used to like that, but you know, that was years ago.

'''Chris:''' It was the late 90s.

'''Matthew:''' LATE 90s.

'''Chris:''' [''stutters''] That's still going strong. Maybe I--

'''Matthew:''' If you say so.

'''Chris:''' …and I have been doing that from 1998 'till about 2008. [''pause''] So about 10 years I've been doing that.

'''Matthew:''' Right. You've been playing a children's card game for 10 years.

'''Chris:''' …yeah, but also [''stutters''], like, as you know, like, a form of babysitting.

'''Matthew:''' Babysitting… but… but doesn't babysitting usually, you know, pay? I mean, and, that doesn't sound like you're volunteering. When I think volunteering work, I think like, you know, Red Cross, that kind of thing. You know, actually going out and ''really'' helping people. Planting ''trees'', that kind of stuff.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have--I have been--I have helped people--out. You know, I, uh, helped, like, the parents mind… knowing their children were in a safe environment and I helped ensure that their children were playing and, uh, were within the safe environment and that nothing was to go wrong and, uh, and I was respected as an authoritative figure in that sense.

'''Matthew:''' Right. I'ean, [''stutters''] and… but… are you still doing this? I mean, or what are you doing right now? If you stopped, why aren't you doing this anymore? [''crinkles paper or snack bag'']

'''Chris:''' Ummm… yeah, it was kinda, um, kinda like, uh, you know, not too m--not too many were showing up, so it was like my choice on ending that, you know. But yeah, it was a sa--yeah, it was kind of a sad day for me, you know, to have to put that behind me, but, you know, we gotta move on, but anyway… but anyway, aside from that, I… I've been searching and, uh, doing [''stutters a lot''] yardwork for my family and other sorts of… heavy lifting.

'''Matthew:''' Right, right… well--aaaah, anyways, I'm done talking about, uh, ''Pokeyman'' now. I got a couple more. So, uh, what kind of place you got, you got a place of your own? Where you living at?

'''Chris:''' Yeah… I'm currently living in a [[14 Branchland Court|two-story house]] with [[Borb|my mother and my father]].

'''Matthew:''' Living with your parents, age 30. Got it. [''Chris tries to interrupt''] ''Almost'' 30, excuse me.

'''Chris:''' Well, uh, I hope that, uh, doesn't strike you in a bad thing, but it's like, uh, I just did not feel comfortable leaving the safety of my home with the, uh, for the while.

'''Matthew:''' And, uh, why is that exactly?

'''Chris:''' 'Cause I could not really, I just did not feel, you know, like I was ready for a place of my own just yet.

'''Matthew:''' You gotta leave somehow, you've gotta leave at some point. I mean, I think most of my kids will, you know, move out 18, 20… y'kn--I'm okay if they hang out while they're in college, but after that they gotta start looking for a place of their own, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah… yeah. But, you know, to--to each their own individual growth rates.

'''Matthew:''' Right, but, but uh, I just gotta ask, though… I mean, you're really serious about Kacey, are you not?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I--yes, I am serious about Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Okay so… uh-

'''Chris:''' And with her help, I feel like I could get a good start on being able to, uh, you know, shortly, in the near future, move out of my--[[Rental House|move of the house]].

'''Matthew:''' …with her help?

'''Chris:''' …and get a place of my own…

'''Matthew:''' You need her help in order to support both of you?

'''Chris:''' [''floundering''] It's more like, you know… um… ye, some details I'm not understand… I talk to my parents sometimes about that, but it's like, uh, you know… mmm… I… it's like a… whole bunch of details… you know… yeah. [''says "mmm" or audibly farts'']

'''Matthew:''' Explain, please. [''stutters''] I don't know what these details are.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, I'm still, like, uh, I would need like, you know, external influence, you know, somebody outside the house to help me feel more comfortable in moving out.

'''Matthew:''' You could, you know, people are always looking for roommates, you know, just go to any college board, you know, y-sti…

'''Chris:''' Yeah… but still, I mean, that's not…

'''Matthew:''' That's not really an excuse.

'''Chris:''' That's not something I would feel comfortable with, since, uh, I haven't been to college for a few years, you know… I keep between myself…

'''Matthew:''' So, but I mean really, okay, if you can't s-s-if you can't support my daughter, my daughter needs a man, a MAN to support her.

'''Chris:''' I am a man, sir.

===Financial Situation and Crystal the Tard Baby (11:01-18:28)===
'''Matthew:''' How serious are you about my daughter?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Matthew:''' How serious are you about my daughter? Really. If you aren't even willing to support yourself, you know, like that uh…

'''Chris:''' I am willing, I am able to support myself as well. I'm able to support myself. And I will be able to support your daughter as well.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, then t-then then why aren't you? I mean, where's the money gonna come from?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I do have, I do have a- I do have a- a [[Monthly tugboat|monthly income]]. I get, uh--

'''Matthew:''' Do you now?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I get it fro- yeah, pretty much- I get it from the government. My family is a little bit in with the government.

'''Matthew:''' S-s-so w-why do you- why do you get welfare? Mi-might I ask? Or, whatever you call it. Um…

'''Chris:''' You can call it, like, you know, a stepping-stone in the right direction of, uh, me movin- me moving out and- and all that, but seriously, though, I am very strong-willed, and I feel like, and I feel that I could, that when- that- I could- I would be able to take care of Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' You're avoiding my question. Why are you on, I think it's actually called Social Security. Why do you get it? I mean, I'm a pretty strong Republican, we don't really like that whole welfare thing. We work, and if we can't work, we go join the military. That's what I did.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I understand that. You see, I'm [[Autism|high-functionally autistic]].

'''Matthew:''' Are you now?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was diagnosed with that at a young age, and I was, I still have [''brief disconnection''] just a few years ago.

'''Matthew:''' So, ah… isn't that autism thing, it's like a, you're not, like, ''retarded'', are you?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, not really, what?

'''Matthew:''' I'm just saying, you know, that's a genetic thing, right? I don't want any, if you're really going to get with my daughter, I don't want 'tard-babies.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, autism is not genetic.

'''Matthew:''' Ah, I think I read somewhere that it was, actually. I'm pretty sure I did.

'''Chris:''' No, no, it's a myth. That's a myth.

'''Matthew:''' A myth. A myth.

'''Chris:''' Autism is not genetic. You're not gonna have, there would be no retarded grandchildren on your part. I can guar… I can promise you that.

'''Matthew:''' If you say so. If you really say so. I'm looking this stuff up right now. My Kacey, she's in medicine, she knows this stuff, she's an expert.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, like, you know, it might be also…

'''Matthew:''' Actually, hold on, she's right over here. Hey, Kacey, what do you know about autism? Is that genetic?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it's definitely genetic. It usually runs in the [[Barb|mother]]'s line but it can be in the [[Bob|father]]'s as well. But it's usually the mother's. And twins have a much higher chance.

'''Chris:''' [''In a relatively quiet sigh''] Great.

'''Kacey:''' Anything else, Dad?

'''Matthew:''' Ah… no, I think that's good, yeah, you go… What were you doing again?

'''Kacey:''' I need to go finish washing the dishes. I'll be right back, Dad.

'''Matthew:''' I think there's some cake down there, too. Go help yourself or something.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, sweet! Thanks, Dad.

'''Matthew:''' Anyways, where was I? Let's see… if you really want a kid with my Kacey, I think you'd probably be best if you adopted or something. That's a good thing, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, in my case, I would not, I do not, I would not care to adopt. You see, I have a dream, I have my dream, and that dream is to give birth, to have, to share a daughter with my wife-to-be, and her name would be [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]].

'''Matthew:''' A dream… as in, you were asleep and you saw something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Plus, in the dream, I had, like, an office job.

'''Matthew:''' An office job. Right.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' You know, I don't think, Kacey actually doesn't really like that name. You know, it's kind of a stripper name, CrySTAL, it's kinda like Cristal, that champagne…

'''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, it would not, it would not, it would not be CriSTAL, it would be CrySTULL. Does that make sense?

'''Matthew:''' It's still pretty close.

'''Chris:''' It's fairly, it does sound close, but it's not, you're not, you're just replacing the C-R-Y-S-T-L-E ''(yes, he misspelled that)'', you're replacing the L-E with an A-L.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, but even so… you said this all came to you in a dream… dreams, they don't pay the bills. It's just a dream. That's all just from your head. I had a dream once where, you know, I was flying. You don't see me doing that.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, okay, but I mean, it's like in, yeah. Flying, yeah, you're definitely not going to be able to fly on your own. Sure. But it's like, you know, when you see a dream that's actually reasonable, that you can actually picture yourself doing in the future while you're awake. You know? It's like a career thing. You know, it's like, yeah, you definitely, it's like, you know, when your child, there's a chance you could become a cowboy if you dreamed of being a cowboy. But, you know, that may not be, that may seem kind of far-fetched, if you're living in a place that's not near or in Tetsas, but if you're like, if you dreamed you want, if you want, if you dreamed you wanted to be, to become a teacher, that's more likely, that's more likely possible. You can get the degree and become a teacher.

'''Matthew:''' So? If you want to go do it, be a teacher, go to work in an office, GO WORK IN AN OFFICE! Go apply to an office. Don't dream about it, dreams do nothing for you, they don't pay the bills.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I am taking, I have been, I have been working on that, and I have been taking action on looking for good jobs. Definitely looking in office jobs.

===Prophetic Dreams and Bob Chandler (18:28-24:18)===
'''Matthew:''' You think you have some kind of powers of prophecy? That doesn't seem very, I don't know, to me it doesn't seem very Godly, you know.

'''Chris:''' No, ah, ah, ah, I'm not saying, I'm not saying that I'm a prophet. I'm not saying that. But, you know, it's definitely something that, you know, it's definitely something that I feel that God has promised to me and [[Chris and religion|I believe in God]], I go to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] every Sunday, and like, like in…

'''Matthew:''' That sounds like [[Chris and reality#Chris the Goddess|being a prophet]] to me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you do, yeah, there are prophets that are mentioned in the Bible.

'''Matthew:''' Yes, but.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not, I, but, I am not saying that I am a prophet. Not saying that.

'''Matthew:''' Son, I go to church every Sunday too, and I've never had any kind of dreams of anything telling me that something is going to happen. God doesn't do that. God doesn't tell you things like that.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you never know, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, it'll just, it depends on the people, you know? You never know it, but you know, you might actually have gotten a message in a dream that may have actually [''brief interruption''] but you might, you might not have caught on as quickly, or… and I do not mean to insult you, but, ah, yeah, right now, conflicted by, you know, retrospect, you might actually realize that could have been a message from God.

'''Matthew:''' Naaaah… if you think you see the future, that sounds like you're trying to be a prophet. That doesn't really sound religious, that just sounds like some [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|mumbo-jumbo]] to me.

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying that it is the definite future, but that it is a POSSIBLE future. And I am looking-and I am looking to make that happen.

'''Matthew:''' Well, MAKE it happen.

'''Chris:''' I am going to.

'''Matthew:''' Do it. And if it's not a message from God, you should go out, you should do it. Why don't you go- don't wait for it, it sounds like you're just sitting around waiting for it. When did you have this dream, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I pretty much, I pretty much had it when I was between seven and nine years old-

'''Matthew:''' Seven-wh-TWENTY YEARS AGO? Excuse me? And nothing has happened between then and now?

'''Chris:''' ''[floundering]'' I was definitely, like, in my [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school years]]…

'''Matthew:''' And you hold onto this dream… I mean, you're almost thirty, you're, you know… time is gonna start working against you, you know? I mean, life is short.

'''Chris:''' Yes, it is.

'''Matthew:''' And you're living with your parents. I mean, what do you do all day, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I get creative by uh, I like to [[CWC - Hand Drawn Original|draw and color]]. And uh, sometimes I like to create with my hands, you know, I [[Medallions of Fail|sculpt]]. And, uh even as far as, you know, just tinkering with, anything I like tinkering with. I even have-I am even [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|technologically smart]]. I even took a [[computer]] upgrading class where I put together a computer, a personal computer, from scratch.

'''Matthew:''' So… why aren't you working building computers or something? It sounds like something you could do.

'''Chris:''' [''ignoring this fairly good point''] Hm, yeah, it is. Hm. Well I pretty much did get started on the techno-savvy, I would say, from my father. He's a retired technical engineer, he worked for GE for a number of years, he also, uh, was in the, well he was stationed over in Korea in the Signal Corps [''pronounced "corpse"'']. He-he designed the controls for the plastic auto machines for his other achievements. So without him we would not have the plastic for, at the very least, your soda bottles.

'''Matthew:''' That's all fine and good, I mean, your father… but I'm not talking about your father, I'm talking about you.

'''Chris:''' I'm just pointing it out as hinting at my technological influence.

'''Matthew:''' But… you haven't done anything, unlike your father. That's what I'm getting here. That's not good, son. I mean, when I was 27 I already had a wife and kids, I was working 40 hours a week.

'''Chris:''' Hmm… umm… yes, well, my father didn't marry-my father did not marry the first time till he was 30 himself.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah but you know, he probably also had a job and was living on his own, and he was also in the military, like me. So I don't really care about what your father did, because that's what he did, that's not what you did.

'''Chris:''' I understand-I understand th-I understand what you're talk-I understand… talking about… and, you know, and your point.

'''Matthew:''' Right.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I make a, I am trying to make a valid point myself. I feel like that, you know, we both are definitely understanding each other.

===Kacey's Boobs and Fame (24:18-33:24)===
'''Matthew:''' Really? I must say, I'm not really impressed, but, uh, let's move on. Let's talk a little bit about what you think about my lovely daughter. What was the first thing you liked or noticed about Kacey?

'''Chris:''' I noticed her beautiful face.

'''Matthew:''' Her beautiful face.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. And her blue-green eyes are like a pair of swimming pools that I would just like to swim around and bathe myself in.

'''Matthew:''' [''extremely uncomfortable laughter'']

'''Chris:''' I am very poetic as well, just to let you know, sir.

'''Matthew:''' So the first thing you noticed was her appearance.

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting''] But also I definitely like to take note over time, over talking to her, one day that she was very smart and very fun to hang around with, and she definitely knows what she's talking about. If anything [''laughs''] she could be a little bit sm- she could be smarter than me [[Ego|on some things]].

'''Matthew:''' But still, the first thing that, uh, you noticed, was her appearance. So, were you looking for like a trophy wife or something? It's kind of funny…

'''Chris:''' [''stuttering''] The first thing I noticed about her in person, when we talked first, you know, between phone calls and e-mails, after kind of an indirect meeting there, but anyway. I actually learned first that she was smart and very delightful to talk to. And then after a while, she and I met in person, and then I got to appreciate her face. And the-the smart, charming wit behind it.

'''Matthew:''' This doesn't really add up to what Kacey told me, you know. The impressions I got from what she said about your first little… "encounter," we'll call it… she said she was a little bit… uncomfortable around you, you know? And apparently when you first talked to her, you actually were [[Kacey Phone Call|pretending to be somebody else]], actually. You know, that [[Liquid Chris|other Chris]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well he was, that was another thing. Yeah. All right, yeah.

'''Matthew:''' She didn't like that much.

'''Chris:''' My friend [[Kim]], she helped me, uh, get into that Chris's e-mail account. Before I ever learned about Kacey-

'''Matthew:''' You know, that Chris was her boyfriend at the time, you know? I mean, I've actually talked to that guy and met him in person, he's actually a pretty nice kid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but if you watch his [[YouTube]] videos he does get a little crazy. But anyway for the past few months now… he was, you know, he was pretending to be me, and a few months ago, he pretends, or I'm assuming he pretends, that he gets kidnapped and tied up, and sent to the desert. And then Kacey tells me that cops ''[incomprehensible]'' in the desert, but I'm going off track here-

'''Matthew:''' That just doesn't make any sense to me. Why would he pretend to be you? Someone like you, guy who lives with his parents.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Okay, first off, I'm Internet famous for being the original creator of the, uh… it's like a combination of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and Pikachu [''Kacey's Dad groans''], so I was the original creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. And I created him on March 17, [[2000]], and I drew the [[comic]] books… I originally started that back in 2000, and I've drawn a few books and I'm still doing some drawing, I don't like to leave an unfinished project finished. But-

'''Matthew:''' [''Has been trying to interrupt for the last 30 seconds''] Okay, so… you know, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about? I barely know what Sonic the Hedgehog and Pokémon is other than it's kids' stuff. So basically what I'm getting here is you took two kids' things and put them together, you know, two [[Chris and copyright|copyrighted]] kids' things…

'''Chris:''' But it's making up a whole new character, and my father has the knowledge with the [[copyrights]] and whatnot, and he verifies for me that I have been in the clear the whole time, from the beginning, to uh, to continue on with Sonichu being m-Sonichu and Rosechu being my original creation. And I create the original stories and everything, and the books, and I've done the [[CWCipedia]], which was originally on the CWC Sonichu site speaking of which, CWC is my name, Christian Weston Chandler. Anyway, I've been going on with that since 2000, uh-

'''Matthew:''' Which means you were 18 when you made this. You were what, a senior in high school? You were playing with kids' stuff? And that's what you've been doing for… what, you know, since then? You're 27 years old? You're playing with kids' stuff? I mean, like, little kids' stuff. I mean, like, ten-year-olds.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, it may sound like that, but in a sense, it was definitely a fad that I was, uh, enjoying, and, uh-

'''Matthew:''' But fads, they come and go.

'''Chris:''' -until when I had to like, uh, which was just a year and a half ago, I had to let that go, and I let that go a year and a half ago. But anyway, getting back to, uh…

'''Matthew:''' You said it was popular, still. But you're not making any money off it. You're just doing this while you sit around in your parents' house for no real reason, because like I said, you're not making any money off this, and you still wanna be a boyfriend.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, it is a thing I’m doing to make money off of, I could be, it is a thing that I am working on starting to make money off of, I am in talks with the com- comic book company, as well as Nintendo of America, about, uh, you know, about possibly, about the likelihood of me being able to, uh, of, uh, us getting together… making money off of this, cuz, obviously, since 2000 it became more and more popular on the, uh, Internet, and I became Internet famous and, uh, along with a bunch of the fans like that, I was, ah…

'''Matthew:''' Don’t you… don’t you need permission from both [[SEGA]], and [[Nintendo]]? I mean, is that, Sonic is from Sega, right? I mean, I know a little bit about what my daughter was… my little daughter used to talk about… I kinda know what a Sega is, I think.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I have talked to Sega as well, but anyway, getting back to, anyway, getting back to, if I may finish… yeah. Anyway, yeah, I got Internet famous, I got the fans, and then I got the naysayers which were the Internet bullies and trolls… and, uh… and uh, that Chris, and uh, Chris over there, was uh, he was one of them, and uh before, and this is, uh before I met Kacey he uh, he started pretending to be me, on the, in YouTube videos. And, uh…

'''Matthew:''' This… okay, I’m sorry, this is just getting completely ridiculous, all this Internet, I mean you just, all this Internet stuff, I don’t, I don’t know much about computers, but I mean, that’s just… this sounds like just a whole waste of time, that I don’t care about, because it doesn’t pay the bills, and it DOES NOT help support Ka- my Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I- I- I understand that.

===The Shit Hits the Fan (33:24-39:17)===
'''Matthew:''' I mean, I was in the MILITARY. I was DOING something. I fought in Desert STORM. I fought against Saddam HUSSEIN.

'''Chris:''' Yeah… okay… you fought in Desert Storm, you fought against Saddam… that’s all good, that’s very good. That’s honorable. That is honorable.

'''Matthew:''' But… and then what- and then YOU, you made this… Son-ni-chu thing. I mean… it’s like… ah, this is, something’s, something’s not right here, you know? But, but, but since you did bring up YouTube, I got, I got kind of an interesting little thing… that I noticed, in one of your recent videos, heh. I mean, I don’t know what exactly you were thinking, with this, um… you know, you did [[Twin Falling Towers|that video with the, ah… 9/11]]. I can’t say I really enjoyed that too much. I mean… that kinda hits… that kinda hits close to home to me, you know, I mean…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I, yeah, I realize, I realize that now, and I have received the complaints so, yeah that’s why I have… I put that…

'''Matthew:''' You’re lucky I don’t… you’re lucky I don’t have a YouTube, son. I mean, my… I mean, that hits close to home to me. My MOTHER, Kacey’s grandmother… y’know, she DIED on 9/11.

'''Chris:''' I, um… I’m sorry to hear that. Yeah, and I, uh, I mean, it’s like, I did not mean to hit that, hit that fragile emotion, ah, it was originally, ah, a thing, against a longer, worser- worser Internet [[troll]], who goes by the name of [[Clyde Cash]], whose alias is Gregg Mays, and…

'''Matthew:''' You made a video…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that’s just a whole nother story, right there. Anyway, I had…

'''Matthew:''' You made a video, basically, just trying to, trying to mess with some… GUY… on the Internet… that makes fun of one of the greatest American tragedies of our lifetime- no, THE Amer- greatest American tragedy of our lifetime.

'''Chris:''' Mm… yes, but, yeah but this guy, uh, he’s done a lot, he’s done a lot of things against me, yeah, on the Internet, trying to… you know… y-yeah, trying to destroy my good name with, uh, a whole bunch of twisted tru- told a whole bunch of twisted truths and phrases, and, words, and, I- that I have said, he just twist them around to- in evil ways and just, like some, and just, try- he’s one of those that just- and trying to slander my good name… And, uh, worse off, and worse off, and worse off, and worse off…

'''Matthew:''' Okay, let me ask you… let me ask you something. Where were you, on 9/11? I mean, they say everybody remembers where they were on 9/11 when they heard that those towers were going down, when a plane had hit those towers, and THOUSANDS of people DIED.

'''Chris:''' Yeah… I do remember where I was on, uh, 9/11, yeah, I was a, I had just, uh, I was just, uh, let go, from uh, my job at, uh, Wendy’s, it was uh, for, there was some differences between me and my employer, you know, I… [''trails off with a faint groan''] Yeah, but anyway,

'''Matthew:''' Would you like to know where Kacey was? Would you like to know where Kacey was?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, okay, well, if I may finish, if I may finish, yeah, I was-

'''Matthew:''' No. No, I’m sorry. No, n--Kacey was, Kacey was AT Ground Zero. She was giving BLOOD, and plasma, volunteering, and where were you again?

'''Chris:''' [''Pause''] Hm. Yeah, I was--I was out shopping with my mom that day.

'''Matthew:''' ...Uh-huh. Really. That’s…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' …That’s wonderful. Wait a minute, you said Wendy’s before. That...are y-are you changing stories on me? H-have you been, like, changing stories on me through this entire call?

'''Chris:''' No, no I'm not changing-

'''Matthew:''' Are you just making shit up now?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not changing stories, this is the same story, I had just gotten fired from the Wendy's and I was feeling down, and I, I was feeling down...

'''Matthew:''' You'd been FIRED from Wendy's.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was, yeah, let go. I was let go from Wendy's, and I was sad, I was sad about that, you know, they gave me…

'''Matthew:''' WHY?

'''Chris:''' I told you! It was, it was because of, uh, emotional differences.

'''Matthew:''' Emotional differences.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, my, my, my employer, my…

'''Matthew:''' That's… this is absolutely nothing, that just sounds like a bunch of bull[[Lars|sheeit]].

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' Also sounds a little GAY. [''Chris stammers, splutters, and sighs in the background''] I mean, what, did the fry cook break up with you or something? I mean, come on.

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] No! It was nothing, it was nothing like that! It was a misunderstanding, something…

'''Matthew:''' Why do you [[sigh]] so much? That's just irritating.

'''Chris:''' That was, that was, that was misunderstanding, that was just, there was a whole bunch of misunderstandings between me and my employer, and he, and he has, and he had, and he had, and he had a spike on his shoulder against me. And, and, and, and then, and then that was why he, and then that was why he eventually fired me…

'''Matthew:''' [''has been trying to interrupt Chris's stammering for a while''] WHAT KIND OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Like I, like I did, like I did some things that he thought were bad but were, that he thought were bad but were actually good. And then he let, and then he, and then he let me, and then he let me go based on that. Anyway, yeah, I, anyway, this was a couple of days before 9/11 and I was still feeling down from being let go, and then, on 9/11 I was out shopping with my mother that day.

===Maturity and Chores (39:17-48:08)===
'''Matthew:''' Good god, I mean, you sound like you're just, you sound like you're just some simpering little… your voice is all wavery… good lord. You want to date… YOU? You want to date my daughter? You're not even giving me an ounce of respect now.

'''Chris:''' Oh come, oh come, oh come on, I grew up a lot, I grew up a lot since then! [''rapidly loses coherence''] I've grown, I've grown up a lot, in sounds, in sounds, duetothegirl, and, sounds strite, sound, in sound mind.

'''Matthew:''' Goddamn. This just sounds like a bunch of fucking whining. You're not even, you don't even sound like half the man that other Chris sounds like at this point. You don't sound like you've grown up. You play fucking Pokeymon all the time!

'''Chris:''' [''Chris's dander is up.''] I am, I am, I am a grown-up ''sir''! I have moved, I have [[Pokéwalker of Fail|moved on]] from Pokémon [[June 2010|years ago]]! I am a grown-up! I have moved on from the childish things.

'''Matthew:''' No, you didn't move from… you went from Pokémon to Sonichu. What the fuck? This is still just kid shit. You don't have a job. You're still living with your parents. Almost 30 years old. This is ridiculous. You want to date my daughter. You realize that she's LEAGUES above you right now. She's out of your reach.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting a word in edgewise after many stammers''] I have, I have, I have suffered through my own, through my own trials and tribulations that would be war-like. I have suffered through a whole bunch of… enduring physical pains as well. You just could not, you just could not imagine…

'''Matthew:''' [''laughing''] Physical pain! [''more laughter''] God, this is…

'''Chris:''' I have, I have worked myself to the bone a lot!

'''Matthew:''' This is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' And I have, I have felt heartaches, and I have felt like…

'''Matthew:''' You don't know what physical pain feels like…

'''Chris:''' I have felt like I couldn't move on. But then, but then I still move on.

'''Matthew:''' …until you have taken a bullet in the fucking chest. I'm lucky to be alive. My comrade, one of my good buddies, he wasn't so lucky. He died right next to me. I carried him back…

'''Chris:''' [''humbled''] Yeah, well, well, yeah, that is, that was, that was very heroic and I commend you for that good sir.

'''Matthew:''' Sure. Yeah. I'm sure. You don't need to commend me. Now you're just kissing ass.

'''Chris:''' No! I am not just, I am not kissing ass!

'''Matthew:''' Okay. Well then. Alright. So really, okay… I have one more question, what do you have to offer my daughter, really? After I've heard all this, what exactly do you have to offer a future med student? She had a good fiancé, and now you think you can take her?

'''Chris:''' Yes I could, because I could offer, I can, I can offer her… a whole bunch of support that, that, that, that Chris could not offer. Like I am, I am, I am [[Honest Content|HONEST]]…

'''Matthew:''' Really? He's going to be published! He has a job lined up!

'''Chris:''' Like, I am honest, I am loyal, I am STRONG… good natured…

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, but this guy spoke several languages, he had connections in the comic-book industry, this guy could get a job right out of college, and you're mooching off the government, off of ''MY'' tax money! And you want to date my daughter. These two had so much in common, Kacey and Chris. She loved everything about him. And you? You just sit around, play with toys, and what, video games? Is that what you buy with your welfare money? Like Pokeyman shit?

'''Chris:''' I have not played with Pokémon [[Pokéwalker of Fail|for years]], sir!

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what do you play with?

'''Chris:''' Hmph.

'''Matthew:''' You denied Pokeyman, but you didn't deny video games.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I, okay, I have, I have, I have played some Gui-, I have played some [[Guitar Hero]].

'''Matthew:''' Guitar Hero.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' What the hell is that?

'''Chris:''' I have to stand, I have to stand up to play, I have to stand up and play gitar.

'''Matthew:''' You have to stand up to play ''guitar''! Oh, wow! That's… why don't you… that's just pathetic. You think that's exercise? Do you play a real guitar? [[CWC More Than A Feeling|I think the real Chris could play a real guitar.]]

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] I work, I work hard for my father in his, in his gar-, in his gar-, in his garden! I pulled weeds! Those weeds are very hard to pull!

'''Matthew:''' Pulled weeds? My grandma pulled weeds! My grandma had arthritis and she pulled weeds every day!

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] Well, I'm sorry to hear that your grandma had ar-, had arthritis. But I, but I, I am, I am very strong sir. And I tell you, it was very hard and torturing work to pull, to pull, to, I was working under the hot hot sun, it was, those were very hot days!

'''Matthew:''' And you still look like a, I dunno, you look pretty fat to me. I mean, my Kacey, Kacey exercises. And she lost weight, she looks, you know, she looks wonderful. And you? I mean, do you even know… what is the hot sun? I've been in the Middle East. You don't know hot until you've been out in the fuckin' shit.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yes, okay, yes, I will agree with you that I cannot, I cannot understand heat, truly understand heat, until I'm truly in the middle of a desert. But still, it was, those were very hot days. And I pulled those weeds. And I even, I even, I even placed lumber around the edges of that garden, and I hammered labels of those flowers, and my, that my, that my father hand-wrote accurately, and figured, and, pat out the, and he showed me where to place them, I even helped him a little bit with placing them. And I placed, I hammered those labels hard into those pieces of lumber.

'''Matthew:''' That's, that just sounds like basic chores. Lumber, pulling weeds, on a good day I had to do 200 push-ups. And I saw [[30 Push-Ups|those push-ups]] you did, whatever you call them. Push-ups? That's not push-ups. That was, I dunno, you looked like you were flopping around like a… fish. Actually kinda looked like you were humping the floor or something.

'''Chris:''' [''unfazed''] I even mowed the lawn!

'''Matthew:''' Mowed the lawn! [''laughs''] Wow.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and again, those were very hot days, too. And sometimes the lawnmower would quit on me! And I'd have to practically kick-start it, with my foot, I had to kick it to start it up again!

'''Matthew:''' You know, I see seven-year-olds who mow lawns all day for a summer job. All day. All summer. They do it just, they handle it just fine, why can't you? Oh, yeah, and they get paid for it, might I add.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting very angry at this point''] Yeah, well, I was not, well, I was not paid for mowing the lawn. And also, you know what? Another heavy-duty burden I had to take care of, and that I wasn't paid for? When [[Patti Chandler|my dog]] died, a few years ago, she was a sweet dog, I moved, I lifted and carried her doghouse to the site where we buried her. Her doghouse. That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief'']

'''Chris:''' It was very heavy! I carried that thing.

===Death and Fake Internet Women (48:08-54:05)===
'''Matthew:''' [''about to break down laughing''] You're talking to me about how your dog died, you're talking about someone who has lost friends and family in national tragedies. My mother, I had… I had to deal with the loss of my mother, not to old age, but to… fucking… a plane by fucking… piloted by terrorists. My gran-, my mother was killed by terrorists.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, my…

'''Matthew:''' And your… but, but your heavy burden is your dog died. I'm sorry, but boo, really, I've had dogs die, it sucks, but that's nothing… that's nothing…

'''Chris:''' Y'know, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well, I was very sad when she died. It was not a matter of age, it was pretty much, yeah, she was very sickly, there was nothing we could do, so I, I signed that form to give them permission to put her to sleep. I let her, I let her go, that was an emotional burden on me. And I have, I have been, my aunt Corrina died just a few months, just a few months, just last January, because of, because of heart cancer.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] Are you, are you…

'''Chris:''' It was very, it was very saddening, I was very…

'''Matthew:''' I'm sorry, are you messing with me? Are you trying to compare the loss of my mother, the loss of someone who took care of me for years, to a dog? [[IRC_(20_January_2009)|Are you calling my mother a dog]]?

'''Chris:''' I am not calling your mother a dog.

'''Matthew:''' [''[[stress sigh]] of his own''] I had to dig my mother out of the rubble of the Twin Towers. I mean, and you had to lift a doghouse.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'll tell you, that doghouse was heavier than any tombstone. And that doghouse pretty much was the tombstone!

'''Matthew:''' Sounds like you're fucking with me now.

'''Chris:''' I am not! I am being very HONEST with you sir! I'm telling you the honest truth from my, from my sound mind and my sound heart.

'''Matthew:''' I'm starting to, I'm starting to really kinda doubt this whole honesty thing you keep talking about. How do you think, how do you think Kacey would feel if I told her about this? What do you think, how do you think she would feel about you comparing this whole lifting a 30-, 50-pound doghouse to maybe a 100-, 200-pound tombstone? That doghouse was probably, what, made of wood? This is solid rock!

'''Chris:''' No, it was, it was, no, I mean, yeah, this is, it was wood ''and'' plastic, that thing had to weigh over a hundred pounds!

'''Matthew:''' Plastic's pretty light, you know. I'm sorry, this is, this isn't even close to the same.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' And that's just, that's just that… you know, if you had told this to Kacey, she would probably be, she would be so angry. You're just totally grasping at [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|straws]] at this point.

'''Chris:''' [''mutters under his breath''] Yeah, well, also I've been to a whole bunch of this, also, to go off talk, off-topic a bit, or going back to an old topic, that I have been DECEIVED BY THE TROLLS! A bunch of them pretending to be women who I thought were honest over the Internet when I was talking to them for the first time for a while!

'''Matthew:''' WHO GIVES A SHIT about the Internet?

'''Chris:''' And some, and some of them, and some of them were actually, and some of them were actually two honest women…

'''Matthew:''' BE A MAN…

'''Chris:''' And those [[PandaHalo|two]] [[Ivy|women]] died! I was very, I was very heartbroken by that! And yet I was even more heartbroken when I found out that…

'''Matthew:''' YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE!

'''Chris:''' I, I… I may not admit, okay, well, yes…

'''Matthew:''' Wait, wait, didn't you say, fake women? Did you say that these women were fake? So wait, these women were probably fake… fake women died?

'''Chris:''' [''in a state of great consternation''] I didn't, I didn't… no! I'm talking about, no, two of them, a coup-, a few of them were real women.

'''Matthew:''' And how many of these women have you gone through?

'''Chris:''' I have not been able to go to them. But one, there was this [[Julie|one time]] where I actually thought it was a woman, and [[Ohio_trip|I actually drove a whole, a whole, a whole day's worth]] back and forth, almost 24 hours, from my house to Cleveland, Ohio, where it turned out that was, that was, that was a bad lead. I drove a whole, I drove a whole, almost 20, I drove from five in the morning to 12 o'clock, to about, just after about, after midnight. To find out that the destination was a bad one, and that was, that was an imposterous troll.

'''Matthew:''' So you went to go to… Ohio, for a fake woman, but my Kacey just told me that you won't go and visit her, a real woman?

'''Chris:''' I, I, I, I… [''angry, incoherent stammering'']

'''Matthew:''' I am looking at Kacey right ''now''.

'''Chris:''' But you're in…

'''Matthew:''' You wouldn't even go to D.C., that's like two hours away. And you've met her before, for God's sake?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean, I was more naïve, I was more naïve back then, but I am very less naïve now. I have been very less naïve for about, for about a year now.

'''Matthew:''' I am not convinced.

===More Shit Hits the Fan (54:05-58:09)===
'''Chris:''' [''snapping''] OH COME ON. YOU SHOULD BE CONVINCED!

'''Matthew:''' [''Laughing with frustration''] "Oh come on"? You know who, you know who you're talking to, son? What the fuck is this? Now you're just talking back to me like a little kid. Don't yell at me, you maggot! Piece of shit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you, you're obviously talking to me like, as if I was a child. And I am not a child.

'''Matthew:''' Because you are a child, you're acting like a child.

'''Chris:''' I am not a child, I am a MAN. [[I AM STRONG|I am a STRONG MAN]]. I have been through a whole bunch of emotional and physical traumas in my life!

'''Matthew:''' You haven't proven a thing to me, you've shown me nothing that could even possibly suggest that you are a man.

'''Chris:''' Well, sometimes my memory fails me!

'''Matthew:''' You're just sitting around in your parents' house, crying about your [[Patti Chandler|little dog,]] playing video games, whining about women on the Internet. Some lazy little maggot...

'''Chris:''' [''Full-blown tard rage erupts''] I AM NOT, I AM NOT LAZY!

'''Matthew:''' You're living with your parents and you don't have a job, how is that not lazy?!

'''Chris:''' Well, maybe I, maybe I don't have a job, but I DO WORK around the house! I lift a whole bunch of...

'''Matthew:''' Chores! I do those every day, and I'm retired!

'''Chris:''' They're not just chores! They're not just chores.

'''Matthew:''' Yes, they are, EVERYONE works around the house!

'''Chris:''' Maybe everyone works around the house, but they don't...the, they differ from burden to burden to... [''stress sigh'']… heavy weights! I mean...

'''Matthew:''' And, and, I've seen--an-an, you know, I was looking around that YouTube, I saw [[Tour of Chris's House|a video of your house]], it's a ''fuckin' MESS!'' You call that working around the house? [''stutters in disbelief''] Are you trying to be, and you're trying to be some kind of house-husband or something?

'''Chris:''' Well, most of that mess belongs to my mother and I can't really..move, I can't really organize it without her being able to help me, without her being able to point out where to put everything!

'''Matthew:''' Oh, it's your mom's fault.....that's, that's real mature.

'''Chris:''' She's a, well, okay, yeah, I admit, she's a bit of a pack rat. And since she retired from secretarial work...she's been livin' more lazy, I'll admit that.

'''Matthew:''' But your room is a mess, too. What do you have to say about that? I mean, this is...this is nothing. Uh I mean, at this rate, you're not getting...

'''Chris:''' [''On the edge of tears''] It may be nothing, it may be, it may be nothing…

'''Matthew:''' You're a pack rat too.

'''Chris:''' I am not a, I am not that bad of a pack rat. I mean, I even brought, I even brought a bunch, I even brought practically all that stuff into the house. And I had to bring in a couch and I had to bring in the hutch, among other pieces of furniture, among the smaller pieces of stuff, smaller bunches of junk that my mom got! That's a lot, that's a lot of heavy lifting. And it was very hard.

'''Matthew:''' Who doesn't have to push furniture? All this stuff you're talking about, these heavy burdens sound like stuff everybody has to do at least at some point, you know, maybe every....while, this is no, I mean, this is nothing, this is just regular, everyday housework. This isn't real work. This is chores.

'''Chris:''' I... oh! And you don't think...!

'''Matthew:''' This is kids' stuff.

'''Chris:''' Oh, and you don't think [[Chris and Remorse|carrying your soldier friend on your back was a heavy burden]]… That was a heavy burden!

'''Matthew:''' That's...what the fu...are you mocking me?!

'''Chris:''' I am not mocking you!

'''Matthew:''' [''stammering in utter shock''] Is this... are you comparing...

'''Chris:''' I'm just, I'm just pointing out, I'm just pointing out that what you did was a heavy burden under…

'''Matthew:''' I don't know even know what to say to this!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, that is, yeah, that is a heavy burden because you were fighting to save, you were fighting to save your friend's life…

===Kacey Returns (58:09-1:02:35)===
'''Matthew:''' Kacey, c'mon, come over here. You gotta listen to this guy. This is great.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, what, daddy?

'''Matthew:''' I mean, just, this...what is...I mean...this guy is just fucking with me…

'''Kacey:''' Daddy, you sound mad, what's wrong?

'''Matthew:''' This guy's just fucking with me, he's not even, he's not even respecting me at all. He's a disrespectful...

'''Kacey:''' What, he's disrespecting you? What is he doing?

'''Matthew:''' I don't know, he's just talking about all this faggot kiddie shit...and how he has to move chairs and do...oh no...housework! And he's comparing that to when your grandma died.

'''Kacey:''' He's WHAT?

'''Matthew:''' Yeah. I mean, he's talking about all these "heavy burdens" he's had to face, you know, saying it's a heavy burden, kind of like...you know, of course, you remember when we lost grandma...

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, I know, I had to volunteer just to get my mind off it...

'''Matthew:''' And this guy, this guy has nothing to offer you.

'''Chris:''' [''combative''] I have a lot to offer her!

'''Matthew:''' Really, wh--

'''Chris:''' I have plenty to offer her!

'''Matthew:''' Like what?! ''Like what?!?!''

'''Kacey:''' Don't yell at my father like that! You need to respect him, he's a retired Marine!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I do respect your father, Kacey.

'''Kacey:''' Well, you need to be nice to him! What are you going to do if he doesn't like you?

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I mean, I want, I was being nice to him, but then he started to insult me, he was talking down to me like as if I was a child, when I'm an adult.

'''Matthew:''' I already don't like...

'''Kacey:''' Chris! He's way older than you! He's your elder! To him, you ARE a child, ''I'm'' a child to him!

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I guess in compar-, I guess in comparison, yeah, that is true. But I just don't like being talked, I just feel, I just basically, just turns me off when I'm talked down to and such. I mean, I have to put up with my father talking down to me and such, and he starts more arguments than there are flies in the garbage dump!

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but my father doesn't get angry easily.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' Like, you can't act like a child like that! He is your elder! You're trying to ask him PERMISSION.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Kacey:''' ''What are you doing?''

'''Chris:''' Well... yeah...

'''Kacey:''' Apologize!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... [''heavy sigh''] Yeah. [''more sighing''] I apologize, Matthew. I apologize for talking back to you. I just got, I got, I got carried away. Especially from feeling like I was being talked down to. Mm… I mean, surely, yeah, you can understand that, I'm sure your father talked down to you, you, even when you were about my age. And I do not mean to insult you or your father, I just felt like it was a fair compar-, I just felt like it was a good comparison there, but anyway. I apologize for yelling at you, and raising my voice.

'''Matthew:''' I don't even know how you think you can call me by my name right now.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' I don't believe a goddamn word you just said. I'm sorry. No, I'm not sorry, actually.

'''Chris:''' Well… believe it or not, it is the whole, honest truth, that I have been telling you this whole time.

'''Matthew:''' Honest. [''snort''] If that's the truth, I'm afraid to say you're pretty fucked. You're just using people from the Internet as scapegoats for your problems. And you were lying when you first met Kacey. That's what I've gotten about this. You… are not good enough for my daughter. Chris, on the other hand, has my blessing.

'''Chris:''' [''massive stress sigh'']

===Literature and Health (1:02:35-1:13:17)===
'''Matthew:''' And if the Internet is such a problem for you, I mean, just get rid of it. What do you have to do? Just call up whoever it is, AOL, whatever it is you use, just call 'em and say "I don't want the Internet anymore." That's all you have to do. You don't need it for anything. Go to a library!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a bunch… yeah, well, I have a bunch of ties on the Internet and for your information I do go to libraries. I read a lot of books.

'''Matthew:''' Really? What was the last book you read?

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Mockingbird}}The last book I read... was ''[[Wikipedia:To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]''.

'''Matthew:''' That's high-school shit.

'''Chris:''' You call this high-school, I call it adult, I call it...

'''Matthew:''' Kacey read that in high school, Kacey read that as a freshman in high school.

'''Chris:''' I call it adult drama.

'''Matthew:''' An adult drama.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [''pause''] It was very dramatic, and I felt for the characters in that, in that story, just like I feel for every character, all the characters in the stor-, in the stories that I have read, throughout my whole life.

'''Matthew:''' So-so what exactly did you learn from this book?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I...have...learned.....that I have to be able to...cope and be patient with, with a, with everybody who makes, a whole lot of people that may appear to be impatient or that could be hard to put up with. Like [[Honor roll|George had to put up with Lennie]] throughout the story. I mean, I'd say that's...

'''Matthew:''' That's ''[[Wikipedia:Of Mice and Men|Of Mice and Men]]''.

'''Chris:''' Oh, I'm sorry, I'm getting my stories mixed up. Yeah. Yeah. ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' Yeeeaaaaah... did you even read this book?

'''Chris:''' Yes I did! The dramatic story, the story about that girl who was living with her family throughout the Depression and there was that guy in the store who was nice enough to leave her gifts in the tree trunk. That was like, that was definitely a story of, like, definitely, you know, be kind to your neighbor and they'll, and they'll, and they'll be kind to you. That's still another kind of, another, it's another story where you have to learn to be patient...

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't sound like the American classic that I know. I'm sorry. This is... just sounds like a bunch of horseshit. Do you remember the court scene?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, the what?

'''Matthew:''' The court scene in the book? That was pretty big, it was a pretty major part of the book. Do you even remember who [[Wikipedia:Atticus Finch|Atticus Finch]] was? In fact, that was probably the pivotal moment of the book.

'''Chris:''' Atticus... hm... Atticus... hm, I-I do believe that was the lawyer in that story.

'''Matthew:''' Yesss... man, you call yourself smart? You aren't smart enough for Kacey. I mean, when did you-when did you read this?

'''Chris:''' I...I've read it, about a month ago.

'''Matthew:''' A month ago.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' I-you know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books, y'know, she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.

'''Chris:''' [''rage button pushed''] Stuff...candy...don't...I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!

'''Matthew:''' Wooooowww! [''laughs''] What the fuck are you talking about? I mean, I don't even know what the hell...

'''Chris:''' I eat and drink healthy.

'''Matthew:''' And you look like that. I...you don't even know what I just said, do you? You completely missed that I was, that little analogy back there.

'''Chris:''' No, no, I...

'''Matthew:''' Kacey says you eat [[McDonald's]]. You say you eat healthy, but you eat at McDonald's?

'''Chris:''' I have a, I have salads over at McDonald's. And I drink the lemonade over there.

'''Matthew:''' That lemonade is full of sugar. You know, [[Liquid|Chris]] is, Chris is fit, I've seen that man, he has rock-hard abs. That guy makes a Marine proud. And he can cook, he doesn't go to McDonald's because he doesn't need to.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can cook too! And sometimes I do cook!

'''Matthew:''' You know, he and Kacey like to go running together. Why don't you go running with Kacey, rather than sitting around eating fast food all day?

'''Chris:''' I do go out, I do go out for jogs, sir. I do go out jogging. And if Kacey was here I would be happy to go jogging with her. Or even running, I'd be happy to do that as well.

'''Matthew:''' You think you could do five miles like Kacey and Chris do? Five miles?

'''Chris:''' Yep!

'''Matthew:''' That's a brisk jog.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I could do five miles with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' Someone who looks like you can run five miles? I'm sorry, that's bullshit.

'''Chris:''' You're... [''angry sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' You look like you couldn't even do five seconds running. In fact, I was watching, I was watching those push-ups, you got winded after… that was thirty seconds of push-ups and you were sweating like a pig.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] Well, wouldn't you sweat?

'''Matthew:''' I don't... with that much…? Fuck, that's nothing.

'''Chris:''' WARRIORS, WARRIORS...

'''Matthew:''' I'm a Marine. Not after...a few push-ups like that? That's nothing. Okay, but...how much and how often do you jog? I sweat maybe...maybe after, I don't know, ten miles on a hot day.

'''Chris:''' I have been jogging for about fifteen minutes on a daily basis.

'''Matthew:''' Fifteen minutes. So you go… you go, what, a quarter of a mile and you call it quits? That's pussy shit. And that's just jogging. Kacey could run, Kacey runs for at least an hour.

'''Chris:''' Well, that's good.

'''Matthew:''' Five miles is like a two-hour jog, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a, I have a whole bunch of potential, I can run five miles with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' I would love to see that. I mean, why don't you? You can't… you say you could. You're just saying you have potential. That doesn't sell me. You can't sell me with "potential." Why don't you run five miles, and maybe, maybe I'll think otherwise.

'''Chris:''' It would be hard to video, to video-record five mile running. But I can run five miles, with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' You can?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I can! And I will the first chance I get!

'''Matthew:''' But why with Kacey, though, why can't you just do it on your own? You have a camera, don't you? It wouldn't be so hard to just hold a camera and run, would it? That's easily, easily do-able.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well…

'''Matthew:''' Why don't you just figure out how to do that? You said you're good with computers. I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a [[Wikipedia:Microsoft Windows|Windows]] is.

'''Chris:''' You barely know what a Windows is?

'''Matthew:''' Don't… [''sputters'']… don't patronize me.

'''Chris:''' I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?

'''Matthew:''' What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that. I could figure out how to hold a camera and fuckin' run for five miles. That's… how could you not figure out how to do that?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, think about this, do you think the batteries would be able to last five miles?

'''Matthew:''' Running? Shit. You're running, you're not jogging, it's not gonna take two hours.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, yeah, well… yeah, well, I can't…

'''Matthew:''' Besides, think of it as a time limit of some sort, you know? You gotta run fast enough so you can get all of it in before the batteries run out. That would take like… half an hour at most. Batteries last that long.

'''Chris:''' Alright, you want a half hour running? I'll be happy to do a half hour of running with my digital camera.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs''] Fine. Show me.

'''Chris:''' Alright, I will.

'''Matthew:''' Until then, until then, you are not good enough for Kacey. You are just a maggot.

'''Chris:''' Well. You may call me a maggot, but I'm a pretty dang strong one.

'''Matthew:''' I'm gonna go talk to Kacey, I gotta tell her, you do not deserve Kacey. Kacey lifts more than you, how does that feel? [[Power|The strong man]] outdone by a woman.

'''Chris:''' Well I may not feel pleasant, if that was the case, then I could not say I did not try.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs'']

===Liquid Chris and Minimum Wage Jobs (1:13:17-1:19:04)===
'''Chris:''' But I…

'''Matthew:''' While you're at it, you don't, you don't try, if you had tried you would have gotten out of your house, you would have gotten a job, you would have… you would be like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Yeah, well, I am much stronger and I am much better than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' Oh, yes I am!

'''Matthew:''' But why don't you have, you don't have a job! You're not stronger than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]], you're not smarter than Chris.

'''Chris:''' I am stronger and I am smarter than Chris!

'''Matthew:''' You're not living on your own. How can you even say that? And he's younger than you!

'''Chris:''' I say that because it's true.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' You do not think so… you may not think so…

'''Matthew:''' I was so happy, when Kacey said she was going to marry [[Liquid Chris|Chris]]. But then, I don't know, he vanished or something, I don't know what happened…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that would be the point where he made his video on [[YouTube]] where he pretended he was being kidnapped and then that's where he hid away for a number of, for a few months.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, and that devastated her. You don't know how much she missed him.

'''Chris:''' I do, I do, because she has shared that with me.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, I would much rather believe him…

'''Chris:''' She has shared that with me and I have comforted the her. I have emotionally supported her.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think she… she wasn't nearly that, I don't think she was nearly as happy as when the police finally called her about that. I think you're just trying to get, I think you're just trying to get my little Kacey for a booty call.

'''Chris:''' Believe me sir, it would not just be for a booty call, it would be for a strong relationship with all the loyalty and trust and honesty that a woman can ever want. [''shifts to a momentous tone, half under his breath''] EVER.

 '''Matthew:''' But you can't even move out. She needs a man, a man who can support himself and keep a job. You got fired from [[Wendy's]], most people quit because it sucks. You got FIRED. You weren't GOOD ENOUGH for Wendy's. What are you gonna do, what are you gonna do if she gets pregnant and she can't work?

'''Chris:''' If she gets pregnant and can't work, then I would be working. I would be working VERY HARD AND HEAVILY.

'''Matthew:''' What kind of job?

'''Chris:''' If I have to I would be, get one of the heavyweights, that just moves the boxes around the, stock the shelves at a grocery store. At the least. If not better.

'''Matthew:''' That makes minimum wage at best. That's not a real job. You know how much minimum wage is?

'''Chris:''' At the current rate, it's about $8 an hour.

'''Matthew:''' That's not good enough! Get a good job! You can't live off that! Especially after taxes.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I can get a good job, and I will.

'''Matthew:''' If you want to do lifting, you go work in a warehouse or something. And last I checked, minimum wage was $7.25.

'''Chris:''' [''takes a contemptuous tone''] Huh! You must have checked, no offense, but you must have checked like five years ago. [''In fact, [[Wikipedia:List of U.S. minimum wages|Matt is correct]].'']

'''Matthew:''' And how would you know? You don't have a job!

'''Chris:''' Because it was over five years ago, I was working for that minimum wage, and that was $7.50.

'''Matthew:''' That wasn't minimum wage.

'''Chris:''' Yes it was. And that was back at Wa-Wendy's!

'''Matthew:''' You know you can get paid more at jobs than minimum wage? I just looked it up right now, it says $7.25.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Maybe that's average minimum wage.

'''Matthew:''' Don't lie to me. Look…

'''Chris:''' I am not lying to you.

'''Matthew:''' Kacey, come on, Kacey, come over here, listen to this horseshit, ''listen to this horseshit''.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' What's wrong now, Daddy?

'''Matthew:''' What's this he's talking about… minimum wage is $7.25, right?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. It went up in July, I remember because it was around my birthday.

'''Matthew:''' This guy's lying again. Why is it… I'm looking right here on this webpage, that's exactly what it says.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it happened on July 24, that was like…

'''Matthew:''' Why does this guy keep lying to me? How do I know that anything he says is true?

'''Chris:''' I stand corrected! I stand corrected. On current minimum wage.

'''Matthew:''' Don't argue with me.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

===Respect and Listening Skills (1:19:04-1:24:45)===
'''Kacey:''' Is he being disrespectful again, Daddy?

'''Matthew:''' He's always been… he's been disrespectful this whole time.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] I have not been lying!

'''Matthew:''' When Kacey says it, when Kacey says it you believe it now.

'''Kacey:''' I just don't understand.

'''Matthew:''' I don't understand either.

'''Chris:''' I can't say I'm in full understanding either.

'''Kacey:''' That doesn't even make sense. Like, I shouldn't have to pick up the other line and have to hear this. I mean, what are you doing, are you trying to sabotage this?

'''Chris:''' No. Just, throughout, throughout this whole conversation I have been telling the [[True and honest|honest truth]], from memory. As far as I know.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but this doesn't make sense. Like, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] charmed my dad within five minutes. Why are you still fighting with him? Why are you lying to my father?

'''Chris:''' I have not been lying to your father. I have been telling him the truth throughout my best and honest knowledge. From my heart and from my head.

'''Kacey:''' What are you wanting me to think, that you're dumb or something?

'''Chris:''' I… wh… no. [''pause''] I, I… [''drowned out by Kacey'']

'''Kacey:''' Well, then what's going on?! Why does my dad look so upset? I haven't seem him this upset in a long time.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can't read, I cannot read his mind, so…

'''Kacey:''' Well, no, no-one expects you to, but you could be respectful to him.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, um, I mean, yeah, I was doing my best to be respectful. But then… and then he started, he started…

'''Kacey:''' My Dad is not going to lie to me, and obviously whenever I get on the phone you're calm and everything, so is something going on when I'm not on the phone? Like are you being two-faced?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation. I swear, hand to [[God]].

'''Kacey:''' You shouldn't do that, we don't swear to God, and my dad wouldn't lie to me.

'''Matthew:''' One-faced side of bullshit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, he's been contradicting me, and talking to me in a negative way…

'''Kacey:''' Okay, you guys, I'm going to go. Talk nice.

'''Chris:''' I have been, I have been, I was talking nice. And then he started contradicting me with those words, like, yeah, and, uh, hm, and put, and putting me down, like even call, even call, even calling me a pussy, or, among other things. And then that, and then that just… [[Family Guy|grinded my gears]].

'''Matthew:''' You know, Kacey is gone. She's not listening right now. She didn't hear anything you just said.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Portal Turret:''' Target lost.

'''Matthew:''' Stop [[sigh]]ing so much.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' Didn't you just hear, she… hear her say she was getting off?

'''Chris:''' Uhh… hear her say she was getting off?

'''Matthew:''' Do you pay attention to anything? Ever? To the words that I am saying?

'''Chris:''' I, I'm, I do pay attention. But I, I did not hear "I'm getting off."

'''Matthew:''' This is... this, do you, do you even listen to her, orm, her at all? I mean, how can you be a good boyfriend? You don't listen to anything.

'''Chris:''' I, I do, I do listen! And I, and ob-, obviously, she must have said it in a quiet tone, because I did not hear it. [''Actually, Chris was talking over her at the time, but never mind.'']

'''Matthew:''' But this is… she was pretty upset. She wasn't that quiet.

'''Chris:''' W… well, I'm sorry she's upset.

'''Matthew:''' And now, what I'm saying right now, is that before you can say you are better than Chris, you need to get a job, you need to move out from your parents, you need to be independent. You need to show me that you're a man. And you… you also have to have the ability to not lie to me. I'm getting all tongue-tied, because… just… you don't know how frustrating this is. I mean, I haven't done that in years.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I agree with you, this is frustrating.

'''Matthew:''' And you are lucky her mother isn't here.

'''Chris:''' And I pro-, and I send… I promise you. I have not been lying.

'''Matthew:''' How is this, how is this frustrating to you? You sound like you just have the easiest life in the world.

'''Chris:''' Because, because, because, because you're, because you're frustrated, and your frustration is reflecting onto me and it's making me feel frustrated. It's making me feel frustrated.

===Chris's Pathetic Life and Diseased Ticker (1:24:05-1:36:33)===
'''Matthew:''' You sit around… what are you going to do after this? You're gonna go home, you're gonna go play [[video games]] again or something?

'''Chris:''' No…

'''Matthew:''' Nobody can get you to do anything. Play your [[Pokémon|Pokeymans]], watch [[TV]]. Sleep. Eat [[McDonald's]]. That's, that's your life.

'''Chris:''' That is not my life.

'''Matthew:''' Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' It's a lot, it's a lot more than that. I do a lot more than…

'''Matthew:''' Oh, yeah, I forgot, you do chores, too.

'''Chris:''' See, this, you know, this is why I was talking to Kacey about…

'''Matthew:''' You talk and you get angry at people on the Internet who you've never seen before.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, see, right now you're just… you're just saying some, saying some of the things that sit aside from the good for me, honest, from, aside from the good things, yeah, everything I've said, I have been, I have been very honest about, and you're just taking the bad pieces that can, you're just taking some of that honesty and you're just reflecting it onto me and, you're just making it sound bad. Like it's a bad thing. And that makes me feel bad.

'''Matthew:''' It IS a bad thing. What good qualities do you have that aren't LIES? You started this whole relationship on a lie. My daughter doesn't deserve that. And now you're blaming me....for all this that's going on.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, fuck it, I'm gonna, could you just, look, okay, well, you did not let me say that…

'''Matthew:''' You just met me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, well, I'm talking to you over the...phone, that is [''dissolves into gibberish momentarily'']

'''Matthew:''' You don't… it just sounds like you don't want to admit any of your faults. You just…

'''Chris:''' I am, I am happy to admit my faults.

'''Matthew:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yes. Okay, well, for one, sometimes, I don't think things through and I make, end up in the decision I thought was good at first may end up being the bad decision.

'''Matthew:''' O… kay?

'''Chris:''' But yeah, I have been improving on that and thinking things through fully. Making sure that…

'''Matthew:''' Everyone does that, everyone, you know, makes a mistake every now and then. Okay?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well…

'''Matthew:''' Let's start with something easy. Let's tell me… Tell me… How about you admit that you're, well, okay, I'll just say it. [[Obesity|FAT]]. And lazy.

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Buddha belly}}Okay, well, I admit I do have a Buddha belly, but I am not lazy, I do get out and about, I exercise, I jog and work out, and I eat healthy.

'''Matthew:''' Doesn't show at all. How often do you watch TV? And you said you jog for fifteen minutes. That's… that's not gonna burn calories.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'm working up to thirty minutes.

'''Matthew:''' Thirty minutes. And compared to… how does this compare to how much TV you watch?

'''Chris:''' For your information, I watch only about four hours of television.

'''Matthew:''' Four hours of television.

'''Chris:''' In a day.

'''Matthew:''' A day. That… I don't think that's true. That just doesn't sound, you kinda paused right there? You sound like you actually had to think about it for a second. I don't think that's true.

'''Chris:''' Well, when I had to count it up, I did have to think about it. But yes, it is true, I watch four hours of television in a day.

'''Matthew:''' Four hours, that's still quite a bit, hasn't Kacey told you anything about how important it is to take care of yourself?

'''Chris:''' Yes, we have, we have talked about that. And I have listened to her about that, and I have been taking the appropriate steps and abiding with her words in mind and heeding her advice as such.

'''Matthew:''' Really… Because she's still pretty worried about you, she says. She think something's gonna happen to you, you know. She thinks it's not looking good. And didn't she, she told me you were on [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]]?

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, I know about that stuff. That's something people my age take. I don't take it myself, but I know people who do.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, for your information, my doctor got me off, took me off Lipitor a couple of months ago.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' I still don't think you… You still don't sound like you're terribly healthy. Okay, watching TV aside, and you play video games, how long do you do that a day, huh? I mean, with how much you sit around, your metabolism must not be so hot.

'''Chris:''' How long… Do I sit around? I would not say that I sit around that much. I would say…

'''Matthew:''' And play… Okay, how much do you play video games?

'''Chris:''' About two hours in a day.

'''Matthew:''' Two hours a day.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so that's at least six hours you spend sitting around doing absolutely nothing in your room. That's a quarter of a day. In six hours you could have worked a part-time job.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I, but, the time I do not spend in front of the television is the time I spend exercising. That's about half of the day.

'''Matthew:''' You do not spend half of a day exercising. If you spent half a day exercising, you would have at least lost that little [[Wikipedia:Budai|Buddha belly]] and those man-tits of yours.

'''Chris:''' Okay, now I'm feeling insulted with those, with what you just said there.

'''Matthew:''' And you just told me fifteen minutes, so you're lying again.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, maybe, yeah, well, fifteen minutes jogging, upon the pacing of the spacing of the jogging.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so you don't even run fifteen minutes altogether, at one time?

'''Chris:''' It's fifteen, they're, fifteen minutes, they're fifteen-minute intervals, like I do fifteen minutes in one hour, then the next hour I do another fifteen minutes of jogging.

'''Matthew:''' But that doesn't help you at all. All that… That means there's 45 minutes of you doing nothing every hour. By then your heart rate has gone down, the exercise is gonna do nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' My heart rate has been, has been good.

'''Matthew:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I can guarantee that.

'''Matthew:''' Do you even know what you're talking about?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I do, I am talking…

'''Matthew:''' Do you even know how to check your heart rate?

'''Chris:''' Yes I do.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, how?

'''Chris:''' I put my fingers on my pulse, count the number of beats through ten seconds, and then I multiply by six. That's, that's…

'''Matthew:''' Where do you check for your pulse?

'''Chris:''' Put two fingers on my wrist or on my neck. Or put it on my chest where my heart is.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what's a good heart rate for you?

'''Chris:''' About seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Matthew:''' Seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Chris:''' To about a hundred beats per minute.

'''Matthew:''' Uh-huh. So what's your heart rate right now?

'''Chris:''' Alright… [''long silence''] Alright, let me find that… yeah. It's approximately, it is approximately eighty-four right now.

'''Matthew:''' Eighty-four from just sitting around?

'''Kacey:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I've been listening. Chris, that's a serious medical condition. What are you talking about? Normally your heart doesn't beat that fast unless you've done exercise.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Kacey:''' That's like [[Wikipedia:arrhythmia|arrhythmia]] or [[Wikipedia:tachycardia|tachycardia]]. What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, right, you know, well, I did get a little bit of [[stress]] from some of the conversation.

'''Kacey:''' Stress doesn't do that. That's like a serious medical condition. And I heard you talk to my dad, you don't listen to anything I say when I worry about you. You still go to [[McDonald's]], and I told you those salads aren't healthy. I bet you haven't even lost one pound. Don't you care that I think you're gonna die? [''Chris stammers briefly in response''] That you're probably going to lose motion in your body if you don't exercise enough? This is important to me!

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It is.

'''Kacey:''' What're you going to do? You're gonna die before you're thirty.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Hm. [''pause, then sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' Hmph.

'''Kacey:''' If anything, that means you have way too much caffeine in your system. If you have something that high. That's either, you can get that from smoking, from too much fat, from too much caffeine…

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah.

'''Kacey:''' [''Her voice breaks, on the verge of crying.''] It's like you don't even care! Dad was right, you are being disrespectful!

'''Chris:''' [''Attempting to sound empathetic''] Kacey, I do care. [''sigh''] Even though, even though it may not, even though it may show-- not show-- I do care. Believe me.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. Because it's that hard for you to stop going to McDonald's. But you've still been going. Right?

'''Chris:''' I have been going less.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like I didn't… Less is not none! Fast food is bad! Period at the end!

'''Chris:''' [''On the defensive''] Yeah, but that was like once a week! Once in a week!

'''Kacey:''' Once a week is bad! Don't eat any! None!

'''Chris:''' Alright, I won't go there anymore. I won't go [[McDonald's]] anymore.

'''Kacey:''' Or any fast food!

'''Chris:''' Alright. I will not go to any fast food, I…

'''Kacey:''' Whatever. It's not like you haven't lied to me before. You're just probably lying to me now. Dad, I can't deal with this anymore…

'''Chris:''' I'M NOT LYING TO YOU! I promise you! I promise you! I promise you, Kacey. I promise you.

'''Matthew:''' She's gone again.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh'']

===Chris Blows It, but He's an American! (1:36:33-1:41:33)===
'''Matthew:''' She was pretty, ah… let's say you just blew it, man. She was— She was crying right there. You just fuckin' blew it. Big-time.

'''Chris:''' [''deep sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' I just heard the door slam. I wouldn't be surprised if she goes and calls Chris.

'''Chris:''' Hmph. Well…

'''Matthew:''' What do you have to say for yourself? [''Long silence ensues'']

'''Chris:''' Well, all I can say is… that's your opinion, and you have every right to your own opinion.

'''Matthew:''' It's not my opinion. It just happened. What the hell are you talking about? I'm talking about facts.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you're talking about— Yes, you are talking about facts, but you have expressed a whole bunch of your own opinions about what you've heard from me the whole conversation.

'''Matthew:''' And that's all you have to say about the fact that you just upset my daughter? What are you…

'''Chris:''' That's my response— That's my response about you, but as for Kacey, you know, I just feel— I just feel very sad for her.

'''Matthew:''' I don't care what you have to say about me. This is about— You should care about Kacey, not me! You have to do something big.

'''Chris:''' I care about Kacey. I really, truly do.

'''Matthew:''' Okay. But if you want my opinion right now, I think you should stay away from my daughter. Unless you really, ''really'' turn around your life. You're not even close to Chris right now. You have to do something big to get her back. You have to get a job, at the very least. Lose, I dunno, fifty pounds. Move out. Then I might consider you, ''maybe''.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' And you have to keep your promises, because she says you never do.

'''Chris:''' I do keep my promises.

'''Matthew:''' And I think she should be with her [[Liquid Chris|real fiancé]] right now. [''Long silence''] I mean, he treats her like a princess. You treat her like… a set of tits and ass.

'''Chris:''' No, I treat her like a princess as well. I treat her, more importantly… as a friend… a true friend, a good friend…

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't sound like it at all.

'''Chris:''' You don't know. I mean…

'''Matthew:''' I do know, because she talks to me.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well… points of view.

'''Matthew:''' I can't even stand your voice. So whiny, all this sighing, it's like a baby. You'll never be as good as Chris at this rate.

'''Chris:''' I am a lot better than Chris. [[Autism|Belieeeeeeeeve me.]]

'''Matthew:''' You're not even a functioning human. You're leeching off my government.

'''Chris:''' I have a functioning image…

'''Matthew:''' I met Chris in real life, he's an upstanding young man. How are you better than this?

'''Chris:''' I… am an [[United_States_of_America|''American'']]! I am proud to be an American and [[I_AM_STRONG|I am ''strong'']]. I am an individual…

[''Portal'' can again be heard faintly in the background]

'''Matthew:''' Don't tell— Don't tell me you're an American.

[''Portal'' can again be heard]

'''Chris:''' I was born in America, I was raised in America my whole life, I never left the United States of America.

'''Matthew:''' You can't tell me you're patriotic… if you were patriotic, you wouldn't even have thought about making that video, that [[Twin Falling Towers|9/11 video]]. I still can't believe why you made that. It doesn't matter. You don't… do that! You're not acting like a patriot, you're acting more like a terrorist.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression. At least I— At least I was man enough to admit I was wrong and I am. I did my best to undo the mistake by deleting my video and making the apology.

'''Matthew:''' You know, Chris and Kacey are Americans, too. And "sorry" doesn't undo the fact that you made that video.

===Love and Memories (1:41:33-1:46:21)===
'''Chris:''' It may not, but at least I admitted I was wrong. And it takes a man to admit when he is wrong.

'''Matthew:''' And you still made it. You… you're not a man. Stop trying to call yourself a man. I mean, it takes a real man to change, and you haven't.

'''Chris:''' I do change my habits. I have been changing my habits. And I have been better from the habits I have changed.

'''Matthew:''' That's a lie. You haven't done shit.

'''Chris:''' I… I have done a lot more than you can, than you are thinking right now. Or that you could ever think at this moment.

'''Matthew:''' You said you stopped at a McDonald's, and you didn't… That's such a simple little thing, and you still lied about it. You can't stop eating fast food. What makes you think you can turn around and get a job and stop leeching off the government? And stop lying to Kacey?

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] Because… I am me, I have faith in me, and I am strong within myself.

'''Matthew:''' I bet you don't even love Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey!

'''Matthew:''' I bet if Kacey left you right now, right this very moment, you would… [[CWC is Sad|you'd probably cry]], for maybe just a couple seconds, then you'd go out and find another girl on the Internet.

'''Chris:''' [[The Wallflower|No!]]

'''Matthew:''' Wouldn't you? And even if you do love Kacey, you don't love Kacey nearly as much as Chris loves Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey, truly and deeply. And I care about her, about that much, probably more.

'''Matthew:''' And so does Chris, and he can prove it, so why don't you? You can't even stop eating McDonald's for her.

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] I can so prove it, and I will.

'''Matthew:''' God. You know, he knows her favorite color, and her favorite flower. I'm sure you don't.

'''Chris:''' Her favorite color is "tarquoise".

'''Matthew:''' Turquoise? That's… that's wrong.

'''Chris:''' It's a blue-green shade. ''[Chris is correct here, at least. On his [http://pastebin.com/8FxWDZq6 creepy date] with Kacey, she said her favorite color was [[Wikipedia:Teal (color)|teal]].]''

'''Matthew:''' Okay, favorite flower.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I cannot say that I, I cannot say that I remember her favorite flower at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' Aha. Really.

'''Chris:''' It could have been maybe because she did not mention her favorite flower yet. But she did tell me her favorite color. It was a shade, it was a blue-green shade. So turquoise is ''close''.

'''Matthew:''' Can you remember anything? Okay, I bet you don't even remember some of the stuff I just said today. You probably don't even remember who in my family dies in 9/11, do you? I just said that, what, half an hour ago?

'''Chris:''' You, you said that your daughter, that your daughter was giving blood in New York, right by the 9/11 site.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, but who DIED, who of my family died in 9/11?

'''Chris:''' The grandma.

'''Matthew:''' My grandma?

'''Chris:''' Her grandmother.

'''Matthew:''' Who is?

'''Chris:''' You did not mention her name.

'''Matthew:''' No... [''exasperated sigh''] ....no, okay, her grandmother, who is ''my''...?

'''Chris:''' Your mother.

'''Matthew:''' [''claps once''] How long did that just take you? Good boy! [''chuckles''] God, this is just like talking to a preschooler.

===Crossing the Naïve Line (1:46:21-1:52:36)===
'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, talking to a what?

'''Matthew:''' A preschooler. God. This is...man. You can't have Kacey, with...with this kind of, this is just ridiculous. I can't believe I'm talking to someone who's so...[[naïve]]. [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' [''angry intake of breath''] You just crossed a line. You just crossed a line. By saying the word "naïve." That is like the worst insult to me…

'''Matthew:''' What line?

'''Chris:''' 'A line'… you crossed the line. You've just… you just really ticked me off right there when you said that.

'''Matthew:''' What're you gonna do about it?

'''Chris:''' Nothing at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' "Nothing at the moment?"

'''Chris:''' Because I can't really do anything, I'm not right there in front of you, now, am I? I'm talking to you over the phone. The only thing I could do right now is let you know that you just crossed a line. By saying that word.

'''Matthew:''' Are you… wait, wait, wait a minute, are you trying to [[Death threats|threaten]] me? You trying to threaten an ex-Marine?

'''Chris:''' No, I… no, I am not threatening you, I am not threatening you. I am in no position to threaten an ex-Marine. And I understand that, and I respect you as such.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what are you saying? I could whoop your naïve little ass with my pinky if I wanted to. Kacey could whoop your ass! I'm surprised she hasn't already.

'''Chris:''' Well. I would be able to defend myself.

'''Matthew:''' So you would hit Kacey?

'''Chris:''' No, I would not hit Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Have you ever defended yourself?

'''Chris:''' I have defended myself.

'''Matthew:''' [''exhales in disbelief''] I'm sure that was something to see. Have you… I mean, I'm sure, I can see what would just happen. She'd probably try to throw a punch and you'd just bounce her off with your Buddha belly. Or so you call it.

'''Chris:''' I would either step to one side or block it with an arm!

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs''] That little limp-wristed twig of yours? You're pretty big, but you've got some pretty scrawny arms. And you're a pretty big target, she'd be… pretty hard to miss you. I've seen her punches.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think you'd be able to react fast enough.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you have not seen how I can, how fast I can react.

'''Matthew:''' You can't even react fast enough to what I'm saying.

'''Chris:''' Because I'd like to spell-check, and make sure I'm not making any mistakes. Make sure that my mind and my mouth are in sync.

'''Matthew:''' Making… mistakes…?

'''Chris:''' My mouth does not go faster than my mind.

'''Matthew:''' What are you even…?

'''Chris:''' That's another, that is another one of my flaws, I am willing to admit. Sometimes my mouth goes faster than my brain.

'''Matthew:''' Well, I bet that's not the [[Slow-in-the-minds|only thing that goes faster than your brain]]. Are you trying to say you're some kind of computer or something? But this is, you're getting completely off the point. So tell me why, exactly, you aren't naïve? Why is this crossing the line so much?

'''Chris:''' Because it's insulting my intelligence.

'''Matthew:''' What line did I cross exactly?

'''Chris:''' And I do not appreciate that. You made me feel… [[Chris and anger|anger]].

'''Matthew:''' Because you haven't proven your intelligence to me.

'''Chris:''' Well, just like a computer, my brain is random. It picks up memories at random. I cannot simply access them sometimes, even though most of the time I can. But sometimes I can't, and they later come back to me at random.

'''Matthew:''' Okay… here's how intelligent you really are, and that's because being naïve has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence.

'''Chris:''' Look it up in the dictionary.

'''Matthew:''' I have looked it up in the dictionary. It has nothing to do with intelli… What are you talking about? What dictionary are you looking in?

'''Chris:''' Webster's.

'''Matthew:''' Webster's. You know, I'm sure, if you think naïve has to do with… I'm sure your "[[autism]]" is just some sort of blanket term for "retarded" for you. Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' I'll admit I have had some slow-minded moments. But I am certainly not ''totally'' retarded.

'''Matthew:''' No. I'm looking at my dictionary, you know what "naïve" means? It means "inexperienced." Not "unintelligent." I shouldn't be calling you naïve, I should just be calling you a dumbass. But you are naïve as well.

===Experience and Respect (1:52:36-1:57:38)===
'''Chris:''' I've got a lot more experience than you could imagine.

'''Matthew:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I have had twenty-seven years of experience.

'''Matthew:''' With what? Eating [[McDonald's]] and watching [[TV]]? Son, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is younger than you, and he has had far more experiences than you have. And I've had fifty-two years of experience.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, how about being pinned down by three teachers, a guidance counselor, and an elementary school… prinstapull… and having your screams and cries recorded on audiotape like a torture chamber?

'''Matthew:''' The hell are you talking about?

'''Chris:''' And have, I was pretty much in that situation there in, back in the fourth grade. They were scared of, scared of…

'''Matthew:''' What did you do, some kind of temper tantrum?

'''Chris:''' No, they were scared of me. They did not understand autism.

'''Matthew:''' So, what, you just had some kind of retard panic attack and they didn't know what to do?

'''Chris:''' I… it was not a retard! No… It was not! They just hated me because they don't, they did not understand people with autism. And so they tortured me as such. I even ended up with a rash on my neck from that thing, among other things! And we had to fight the school system, they wanted to put me in a [[Nathanael_Greene_Elementary_School#The_.22institution.22|mental institution]]! But that was not…

'''Matthew:''' Because you NEED HELP. That's probably where you belong! And you call the other, you call Chris crazy… This is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' I do not belong in a mental… If I had gone to a mental institution, I would not have graduated high school or gotten my certificate and degree in [[CADD|Computer-Aided Drafting and Design]]. I've moved up from what you would consider a retarded state of mind.

'''Matthew:''' I know retards with college degrees. They probably felt sorry for you. They probably just kinda let you through, that's probably what happened.

'''Chris:''' [''angry stress sigh, or perhaps spluttering with rage'']

'''Matthew:''' You know schools do that. And those other, I call them retards, but really, they're pretty good people. They actually did something with their degrees, believe it or not. People with Down's syndrome have done more than you. And that degree has done nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' It has done a lot, it has done a lot for me. It's given me the whole bunch of computer experience and potential that I have. And I will get an office job, and I will move out of this house, and I will run five miles!

'''Matthew:''' But you haven't done any of that. If you're gonna say it, then do it.

'''Chris:''' I would not be saying it if I was not going to do it. That is a promise.

'''Matthew:''' You better do it before Kacey runs back to a real man.

'''Chris:''' Okay then.

'''Matthew:''' Because I'm thinking that's going to happen pretty soon here. 27 years and you haven't changed.

'''Chris:''' Well, she did, she and I did not meet twenty-seven years ago, she and I met a few months ago.

'''Matthew:''' And you… and you haven't, she wasn't alive twenty-seven years ago. That doesn't even make any sense.

'''Chris:''' Well, what you said there a moment ago equally did not make much sense either. That was like you were implying, like as if she actually knew me my whole twenty-seven years.

'''Matthew:''' This is insulting to my intelligence, talking to you. You've shown me nothing but disrespect.

'''Chris:''' I have, I have…

'''Matthew:''' I'm sure you show Kacey hardly any more respect than you show me. I've been trying to open your eyes here.

'''Chris:''' I have shown you respect from the lot, for a while during the conversation.

'''Matthew:''' This is the kind of respect you show me, I would hate to see the kind of respect you show Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I show Kacey a lot of respect.

'''Matthew:''' You probably don't even respect her as a person…

'''Chris:''' I do res… I do respect her as a person!

===Chris is Creepy and Bad at Dating (1:57:38-2:08:38)===
'''Matthew:''' You know, her sister said you kept trying to touch her when you met her.

'''Chris:''' Because I was nervous at the time!

'''Matthew:''' You were NERVOUS? What the hell kind of response is that? You're nervous, so you try to touch, so you try to touch a girl? What the hell? That's… that's… that's just sick! That's my daughter, you're trying to touch a girl, you're trying to touch my daughter because you're nervous? Most people try to avoid touching people when they're nervous. Gah, I can't believe I just heard that, I should come and [[Kick the Autistic|kick your ass right now]]!

'''Chris:''' I only touched her shoulder! I thought it was a friend gesture!

'''Matthew:''' Her shoulder? You know, that didn't… I heard otherwise, I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry too.

'''Matthew:''' Did you try to kiss her?

'''Chris:''' No!

'''Matthew:''' Bullshit. She told her sister about what you did. I know. Are you telling me that Kacey lied?

'''Chris:''' I am not saying that. I am not saying that.

'''Matthew:''' You trying to tell me that… I heard you did all kinds of other weird shit. You tried to sniff her or something?

'''Chris:''' She was sharing her perfumes with me.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' She wanted my, she wanted my opinion on which perfume smelled better.

'''Matthew:''' She gave it to you, she said she gave it to you in the bottle first. You could have just opened the bottle and sniffed, you didn't have to sniff ''her'' to do it. That's a little creepy.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, she wanted the perfume, she wanted me to give an honest opinion about… on her.

'''Matthew:''' You did it in front of her and her friend. Have you ever done this before? Is this something you do when you meet girls?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, could you, could you, ah, repeat that?

'''Matthew:''' Have you… have you ever done this before, to another girl?

'''Chris:''' Mm… Yeah, well, we've been talking about the sniffing thing. I just want to make sure I understand what we're talking about here.

'''Matthew:''' Yes… anything, any of this creepy… shit. This touching, this kissing, that I've been told you try to do.

'''Chris:''' Well… first off I can definitely, honestly say that I have not kissed a girl yet…

'''Matthew:''' TRIED.

'''Chris:''' [[Emily#Kiss_fail|Or even tried to]].

'''Matthew:''' ''Really?'' [''scoffs'']

'''Chris:''' Truly.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, I don't--I don't believe, I mean, I don't believe a word of that. [''stutters a bit''] How many dates have you even been on?

'''Chris:''' In my lifetime? [[Two's company snapshots|Only one]].

'''Matthew:''' Only one.

'''Chris:''' And this was a few months ago. Before I met Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Before you met Kacey.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' And how did that--and how did that turn out? And how did she act to--how did she act toward you? What'd she think of you?

'''Chris:''' It turned out that girl just was not all that into me.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, Kacey met you around...around August, that was a couple of months ago. So how far along was this?

'''Chris:''' That one date was back in, was last June.

'''Matthew:''' [''stutters a bit again''] And now why exactly do you think she wasn't interested in you?

'''Chris:''' I don't know! I am not a mind-reader.

'''Matthew:''' ...but-s-so you can't think of a single reason why she might not have been interested in you?

'''Chris:''' .....yeah.

'''Matthew:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' I can honestly say that I cannot.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, you can't think of, maybe...I can think of a couple reasons right off the bat, why a girl would not have been into you. [''Chris scoffs''] I mean, I didn't even need to think about it. [''pause''] I mean, uh...I mean, you can't even take them on a real date.

'''Chris:''' I took her on a real date. Took her to [[Wikipedia:Applebee's|Applebee's]], and I paid for her, for what she ate and what she drank there.

'''Matthew:''' You paid for her. [''scoffs''] And how much--and how much was that?

'''Chris:''' That was about $10.

'''Matthew:''' $10.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' That's...$10 for dinner? Are you sure you just didn't go to McDonald's again?

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] No, this was APPLEBEE'S. And Kim was there, she could tell you the same, she could tell you the same thing.

'''Matthew:''' So--so where would you take Kacey? You know, she's a pretty high-class girl. And I'm sure you probably didn't even tip.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I did not understand the second half of that sentence, after you said "Kacey is a high-class girl."

'''Matthew:''' I, you know, I y'know, you probably didn't--I said you probably didn't even tip. And, so where exactly are you going to take Kacey?

'''Chris:''' Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, I did tip.

'''Matthew:''' You even know how much you're supposed to tip?

'''Chris:''' About 15 or 20%.

'''Matthew:''' So, how much did you tip, then? If you paid $10?

'''Chris:''' I tipped a buck fifty.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' That's still pretty cheap. I, you know, Kacey probably wouldn't like that if you tipped her that much. I mean, you know she's a waitress, right? Tips are pretty important to...to waitresses.

'''Chris:''' Yep, I understand that, tips are important. But still, 15% of 10 is a dollar fifty.

'''Matthew:''' Eee...that's true. Okay, so how much would you tip if you paid, say, $80 for dinner? Which is very possible, if you go to the kind of places Kacey likes to go.

'''Chris:''' Hm...let's see, hm...that would be about $12.

'''Matthew:''' You, so you would just pay $12, you wouldn't go up to, like, y'know, you wouldn't even just toss them a twenty or something? Can you even ''do'' math?

'''Chris:''' Well, I cannot say that my family is of the ''high-class, hoity-toity, rich type'', type of people. We are on average income.

'''Matthew:''' You could at least...they're not rich either, and they still left a twenty.

'''Chris:''' Well, good for them.

'''Matthew:''' You're not even on an income. I mean, income would be, like, y'know, you actually have a job. Man, Chris treats her so much better than you, shows her so much more respect.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I give you respect throughout the beginning of the conversation.

'''Matthew:''' You've given me nothing!

'''Chris:''' And then, and then, I started to feel insulted, from...being, from being talked down about, some, about some, about the honest...details I've talked about. And that she told you, like about the McDonald's and the video games and that sort of thing, when I am so much better than that.

'''Matthew:''' And I have not seen any of this, because...it probably doesn't exist.

'''Chris:''' It does exist.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, telling the truth isn't...it's not made of, uh, y'know, Pokeymans and all that.

'''Chris:''' It is not.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, and how are you better than all this? [''stutters in disbelief''] You're doing exactly, you know, you're doing just that, talking about stupid fucking Pokeymans and shit. That's all I'm really getting about you is...you do nothing but what exactly what you have said.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, what can you...

'''Matthew:''' And you need to be better. Not say you could be better.

'''Chris:''' At least I am HONEST when I say I could be better. At least I don't go around lying, pretending that I am an astronaut.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] You're not! You're not being honest.

'''Chris:''' No, I have been honest. Otherwise I would have said that I was an astronaut, but that would be lying. And I have not been lying this conversation.

'''Matthew:''' Would have been a pretty bad lie, too.

'''Chris:''' I know, but that's just an example off the top of my head at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' You don't even have the eyes to be an astronaut, I mean, c'mon. You don't have the weight. You especially don't have the weight.

===What Are You Gonna Do Now? (2:08:38-2:18:03)===
'''Chris:''' [''Long silence''] Well… I'll just say that this has been a most experiencing conversation, and I wish you a pleasant evening. Take care, Mr. Devoria, and stay safe. And please give my most fondest regards to Kacey as well. I love her and I care about her very much.

'''Matthew:''' Don't you hang up on me! When did I say that this conversation was over?

'''Chris:''' Well. You could say the insult, and I'm getting tired of insults, I feel like I need to go, I feel like I need to go take a shower, and get ready to sleep. I mean, we are in the same time zone, it's ten after two right now.

'''Matthew:''' Well, actually, that's fine, you know, you can...you can go, you can whine and, you know, weasel your way out of this. You don't even deserve my daughter. I mean...what are you gonna do after this, y'know, what are you going to do tomorrow? You're going to get up, sleep, you're going to get up and play video games again. That's...that's--

'''Chris:''' I am not, I will not be that way, I am going to get up...and I'm going to be...finding a job in the office. And I am going to be jogging for fifteen to thirty minutes.

'''Matthew:''' I don't believe in--you know what Kacey's gonna do? She's gonna go to school, and she's gonna call Chris back. That's what she's gonna do.

'''Chris:''' [''Snide and superior''] Well, that's what you think she's gonna do. You do not control her.

'''Matthew:''' And you know why she's gonna do that? It's because she, because he's the one she wants. You know that song that she made for Chris? She made it for him. Not you. You know that song, that [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey|"Whole New World,"]] from that Disney movie? She made that for him.

'''Chris:''' No, she told me she made that for me.

'''Matthew:''' Oh, no she didn't.

'''Chris:''' Oh yes she did!

'''Matthew:''' I think I know my daughter a little better than you do.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'll have to check with her on that.

'''Matthew:''' He even sang it for her! I mean, what really made you think it was for you?

'''Chris:''' Because she told me so herself!

'''Matthew:''' She told ME that she made it for him. Unless you're saying she's lying.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not saying she's lying, because…

'''Matthew:''' And I saw that video. You didn't even know the lyrics to that song. You had to look it up. I could see the paper in your hand. And you had to sing over the words, you didn't even get the karaoke version or something. How could you possibly have known the lyrics?

'''Chris:''' I have watched the [[Wikipedia:Aladdin (film)|''Aladdin'']] movie a whole number of times. I would say greater than ten times. In my lifetime. At this point.

'''Matthew:''' And you know how I know that was made for him, and not you? Because that song was their song. They know it by HEART. And that has always been their song.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' You know they were going to sing it to each other at their wedding?

'''Chris:''' [''More silence''] I see.

'''Matthew:''' Well, this, this is really… this has really been enlightening. Learning about just how unworthy a person can be for my daughter. How much of a… I have to congratulate you, though, because you totally did a great job at getting Kacey and Chris back together. [''pause'']

'''Kacey:''' [''bursting in''] Seriously, Chris, how could you?!

'''Matthew:''' [''cracks the fuck up'']

'''Kacey:''' You've been so insulting to my father, and everything…di, uh… Chris would never have done this! Maybe I did make a wrong decision! [''stutters''] I don't think I can do this.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' Maybe I was thinking of him all along, maybe I just displaced things. Just, I can't believe you would do this. You--yo--I was crying, and all you did was argue with my father. You didn't even care enough to check on me, or see if you could talk to me, Chris would never have done that. Chris would have demanded to talk to me right away and he would have calmed me down. [''pause''] And I mean, obviously you misunderstood me.

'''Chris:''' I guess… maybe I… did.

'''Kacey:''' You know what? I don't want you. I don't want this, I don't need this right now. I have so much going on with finals and everything, and this is the way you're going to act? Yeah. My father's right. You're going to have to do something HUGE. I mean, you can't even work on the comic you promised me, you made me a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing. Where the hell's the comic, Chris? You know what? You probably still won't make it. So, you know what? I-I can't do this. You need to totally reform your life. [''pause''] I mean, Chris would have come by. He would have driven the 2 hours just to comfort me once he heard I was crying.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, if I knew where you were I would have driven 2 hours as well. But I did not know…

'''Kacey:''' You know you won't! You always want me to come to you. It's stupid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean… yeah, I would have asked, I mean, I did ask you for your address, but then… and I did ask you for your phone number.

'''Kacey:''' And I told you that you can't get it until you get my parents to trust you because you know they're overprotective! And you think this is the way you do it?! I bet you're not even gonna finish the comic! You can't even finish it tonight. Or anything. You can't do anything.

'''Chris:''' I can so.

'''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you're not motivated enough, because you haven't done anything like that. Like, you've promised me a song a long time ago, never got it. Chris has written me, like, 3 songs. You promised me tons of things, you never keep your promises. You just sit around playing video games, you made a stupid ''LittleBigPlanet'' thing for me. I mean, come on. All I wanted was the damn comic, all I wanted was you just to pay attention. You don't even pick up the phone anymore because of the trolls, because of the stress! I can't do this. I want a real man. [''long pause''] And thi--you can't even say anything. Dad, I think you're totally right.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah. Don't tell him where we live, I don't want my name and number, I don't want him to know my name and number.

'''Kacey:''' See?! Look what you done, Chris. Look what you've done! [''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like you're gonna do anything to make up for it. So you know what? I don't even care. Dad, you can do whatever, that's--thi--that's all he can say, I'm done.

'''Matthew:''' I don't know, I don't think I want to get in trouble…

'''Kacey:''' He's not, Chris, screw this.

'''Matthew:''' I don't want to get in trouble for beating the shit out of this faggot anyway.

'''Kacey:''' [''long pause''] I'm gonna go, this is too much for me. You can finish this off, Dad.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry. [''typing and long pause''] I would like to say… good evening.

'''Matthew:''' [''long pause''] Ssssso... what are you gonna do now?

[''Tape runs out'']

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 24]]|nextlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}

==External links==
*[https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6mRSOBYFcaBNloweEFQOElEdjA/edit?usp=sharing Link to MP3 on Google Drive]
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?ddn91nknqahn87a mp3 of phone call]
*Audio ripped & combined from YouTube vids in [http://db.tt/vNbYguZ0 OGG] or [http://db.tt/akLWEieq MP3]
*Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jhp5WyvPWNI the call on YouTube]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

Jail Saga

2021-10-17T12:33:43Z

HarryHowler: /* Arrest */

{{Ongoing}}

[[File:2021 Chris Chan mugshot.jpg|thumb|300px|Chris's mugshot for his [[incest]] charge, Henrico County Sheriff's Office.<ref name=sun/>]]

Following allegations in late [[July 2021|July]] and the eventual confirmation that [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] had committed [[incest]] with [[Barb]], hundreds of people contacted the Greene County police, and authorities conducted a welfare check on the Chandler home, issuing an Emergency Protective Order on [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] the following day (essentially a temporary week-long restraining order). Chris was made temporarily homeless, and stayed at the Regency Inn Richmond for the meantime. Chris was '''arrested on 1 [[August 2021]]''', outside of the Inn. The arrest was captured live on stream by several [[Post-Merge_Era#Ethan_Ralph|onlookers.]] Surprisingly, given Chris's past history with [[Chris and the law|the law]], he made no attempt to resist arrest, and was cooperative with police.

As of writing, Chris is currently being held at the Central Virginia Regional Jail and is currently awaiting trial for the charge of incest, as well as pending charges yet to be identified.<ref name="press release"/> He was arraigned on 5 August 2021 and held without bond pending a mental health evaluation until 18 November.<ref name=ContinuanceDate/>

==Background==
{{See also|Incest}}

It is a [[Chris and the law|criminal offense]] in Virginia to engage in incest - sexual activities between a parent and a child are a class 5 felony, punishable on indictment by up to 10 years incarceration.<ref name=kvia>[https://kvia.com/news/us-world/2021/08/10/transgender-autistic-internet-personality-chris-chan-held-without-bond-in-mens-jail-on-incest-charge-involving-senile-mom/ Transgender, autistic internet personality Chris Chan held without bond in men's jail on incest charge involving senile mom]</ref>

In the early morning of 28 July 2021, Chris discussed having sex with his mother in a call and text messages with [[Isabella Loretta Janke]]. On the night of 29 July, the [[Suitress]] leaked the files. The next morning, as reports poured in, Greene County Police visited [[14 Branchland Court]] for a [[Welfare check|wellness check]].<ref name=sun/> They issued Chris an Emergency Protective Order, forbidding contact between him and Barbara, and by extension, preventing him from remaining at her residence until 5 August. Meanwhile, Barbara was relocated to a hospital for a senior care inspection.<ref name=removed>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-chan-incest-leak-chris-has-been-removed-from-14-branchland-court.96559/ Chris-Chan incest leak / Chris has been removed from 14 Branchland Court]</ref>

As a result of the protection order levied against Chris, he was without a home for the time being. Due to [[Financhu Crisis|ongoing financial problems]], Chris could not afford a hotel. [[Null]] advised him to sleep in [[Son-Chu#Barb's Dodge Caravan|his van]] for one night, noting that Chris would have have the proceeds of Chris's GoFundMe (originally intended for Chris's trip to [[Everfree Northwest]]) transferred to his bank account the following day. Initial plans to stay with [[Aunt Harriet and Uncle Tom]] were disrupted after their invitation was rescinded - likely while he was already on the way to their home.<ref name=letter>[[Jail Letter 1]]</ref>{{refn|
Chris told Null that after spending the night in his car, he would go to a mall as soon as it opened in the morning and loiter there.<ref name=NullTexts/> The two malls he mentioned, [[Leonard Bearstein|Regency Mall]] and Chesterfield Towne Center, are in [[Richmond]].<ref>{{w|Regency Mall (Richmond, Virginia)}} and {{w|Chesterfield Towne Center}} on Wikipedia</ref> This suggests that [[Aunt Harriet and Uncle Tom]], who live in Richmond's southwest suburbs,<ref>[[Miyamoto emails#Please Give Me $800|Chris leaks the Ashbys' address to Miyamoto-san]]</ref> did not rescind their invitation until he had actually gotten near their home, though Chris would later claim they “caste [sic] [him] out before [he] even arrived in Midlothian.”<ref name=letter/>}}

On 30th of July, Everfree Northwest posted that "appropriate action to protect the vulnerable" will be taken; while not naming Chris, it is suspected that that this tweet refers to the revocation of Chris's invitation to the convention,<ref>[[:File:EverfreeNorthwestBansChris.jpg|Everfree Northwest tweet]]</ref> which Null subsequently confirmed. Due to the disturbing and lurid nature of the allegations, hashtags and topics such as #ChrisChan and #CHRISCHANDIDWHAT trended on Twitter, reaching 4th overall trend on July 30th,<ref>[https://www.sportskeeda.com/pop-culture/who-chris-chan-sonichu-comic-creator-leaves-twitter-scandalized-latest-trend Who is Chris Chan? Sonichu comic creator leaves Twitter scandalized with latest trend]</ref> exposing a large number of otherwise uninvolved individuals to the story of Chris-Chan causing the [[Orbiter Wave]].

On 31 July, Null, who had access to Chris's email (with Chris's permission) since the [[Guard Dogs]] Saga,<ref name="marvinqna">[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/the-chris-chan-extortionists.45366/post-3553571 Marvin answers questions regarding OPERATION: Kingsnake]</ref><ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/operation-kingsnake.44345/ OPERATION: Kingsnake]</ref> found that Chris had received $750.00 from Barb's bank account, meaning he had either contacted Barb or gained access to Barb's bank account himself, either of which would violate the emergency protection order. When confronted, Chris initially denied the accusation, claiming he had "managed to find blessings in the minimum abundance needed." However, upon further questioning he confirmed the that he had had access to Barb's account for some time, contrary to Null's previous assumption that Barb had been control of Chris's finances and not vice versa. Upset by Chris embezzling from his mother and lying to cover it up, Null finally cut all contact with him, reported the theft to authorities, and canceled the transfer of the GoFundMe money, arranging for it to be refunded to the donors.<ref name=NullTexts>[[Incest fallout chat leaks#Chris takes money from Barb]]</ref>

==Arrest==
[[File:Arrestchu.jpeg|thumb|500px|"Ladies and gentlemen, we got him."]]
{{quote|I am [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], your [[Messiah complex|Goddess]] [[CPU Blue Heart|Blue Heart]], and I continue to stand strong, and I maintain everything with [[CWCVille]] and my [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichus]] and [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]] and everybody. I keep in good faith that everything is going to work out.|Chris, while being arrested.<ref name=video>[[#Video|Video of Chris's arrest filmed by Killstream crew]]</ref>}}
On the evening of 31 July, Reddit user ''[[Chrisisaman]]'' located [[Son-chu]] at the Regency Inn in [[Richmond]], confirming that Chris was in the city and that he would be spending time in a motel.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20210801045236/https://old.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/ovlys1/location_confirmed_10_minutes_ago/ Archived Reddit post confirming Chris's location]</ref> The next day, [[Post-Merge Era|a number of people]] attempted to contact Chris there. Most significant was YouTuber [[Ethan Ralph]] who livestreamed himself and his friends [[Ween|driving to the motel to meet Chris]]. The group ordered a [[Obesity|pizza]] in the hopes of luring him out, but this was unsuccessful - Chris was apparently too busy messaging [[Sean Walker]].{{refn|The time Ralph was knocking on Chris's door - about 3:01 PM<ref name=snippet/> - is almost exactly the same as the timestamps on Chris's final messages to Sean Walker - 3:10 PM.<ref>[[Sean Walker Discord DMs#Chris's final messages]]</ref>}}

They then went about knocking on every door on the second floor, but this was fruitless as well, and only led to the menagerie being ordered to leave by a [[Jerkop|motel employee]].<ref name=snippet>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/8-1-21-ethan-ralph-tries-to-drag-chris-chan-to-his-house.96772/post-9596798 Archived stream snippet]</ref>

Not giving up, the group went to the [[Wikipedia:Regency Mall (Richmond, Virginia)|Regency Mall]] (of [[Leonard Bearstein|'the bear']] fame) across the street, following (incorrect) speculation that Chris might be there if not in his room.

Later that afternoon, Ralph was tipped off that four police cars had shown up at the motel. At around 6:00 PM, he got back just in time to film two Henrico County police officers perp-walking Chris down from his room, streaming the whole debacle for a live audience of over 3,000 viewers. While the police talked to Chris, Ralph sporadically yelled questions and comments, to which Chris occasionally responded.

Unlike Chris's previous run-ins with the law, he remained mostly calm and compliant during the arrest (possibly due to Walker having [[Sean Walker Discord DMs#Discussing the incest fallout|advised him the previous day]] to co-operate with the police in the event of his being arrested), though he rambled about the [[Dimensional Merge]] to both the police and Ralph's crew, promising that the Merge was in fact happening right at that moment. The police then loaded Chris into a squad car and left without answering Ralph's questions.<ref name=video/> An additional POV shot filmed by an anonymous onlooker showed Chris climbing directly into the cop car - the last known video of Chris for the foreseeable future.

===Video===

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris-Chan Arrested
| ytid = i2ELbb6svD4
| style = {{Tragedy|[[Chris and stress|My Baby Blue Arms]]}}, {{Reason|text}}, {{Crazy|[[Autism|Tumbling Down, Tumbling Down, Tumbling Down]]}}
| stardate = 1st [[August 2021]]
| saga = {{Incest|text}} {{Post-Merge|text}} {{Prison|text}}
| previous =
| next =
}}

===Transcript===
{{collapsible|state=mw-collapsed|Transcript|

''[Video begins with a shot of a neighboring car. A woman gets out of it with her phone. The song "Save Your Tears" by the Weeknd plays in background.]''

'''Girl''': Oh my god!

'''Ralph''': They're arresting her!

''[Ralph gets out of the car and walks toward the fence. The woman from earlier is now kneeling with her phone pointing at the motel. Ralph walks past her.]''

'''Ralph''': Sorry.

''[Camera zooms in on the motel, focusing on the second floor, where the police officers are walking Chris]''

'''Girl in background''': Oh my god!

'''Ralph''': Yeah, they're arresting Chris-Chan here at the hotel.

'''Chris''' (yelling): (unclear due to chatter) ...For the internet, do not record this!

'''Ralph''' (yelling): Chris-Chan, what's up! Killstream, baby! When you get out, let's do the Killstream! Look me up!

'''Guy in background''': Let the charges drop! It's all about [[Null|Joshua Conner Moon]]!

'''Ralph''': Tell 'em all about Josh Moon, that's who they want!

''[Bystanders start yelling]''

'''Girl in background''': Give it up, Chris-Chan!

'''Guy in background''': Give him up... save yourself, girl!

'''Another guy in background''': Magi-Chan will help you!

'''Third guy in background''': You're beautiful!

'''Ralph''': Look up Ethan Ralph, Killstream! I live here in Richmond, buddy!

'''Girl in background''': Go to church!

'''Ralph''': No, come to... come to the Killstream first!

''[As the cops walk Chris down the stairs, there is more yelling]''

'''Person below''': ETHAN I BOUGHT YOUR STICKER!

'''Ralph''': YEEEAH! What kind of shit is this? Holy shit! Oh my god, thank you!

''[The cops are now walking Chris past the motel entrance]''

'''Guy in background''': Got a (indistinct) here!

'''Girl in background''': Christian Weston Chandler, right here being...

''[Camera turns past a nearby building as Ralph runs toward the motel parking lot]''

'''Ralph''': Oh, shit, oh! You better hurry Jesse, you're missing out!

''[The camera now zooms in on Chris and three police officers, now standing outside a police car]''

'''Police officer''':...oh no, (indistinct) transport in the front...

''[One of the officers says something to Chris that cannot be heard, presumably asking for his name]''

'''Chris''': ...Chris-Chan, or Sonichu, as they know...

''[Camera freezes for a couple seconds]''

'''Girl in background''':...Chris. (indistinct) Bring 'em...

''[A fourth officer gets out of one of the police cars]''

'''Ralph''': Hey, officers, how's it going?

'''Police officer''': How you doing? I just saw you.

'''Ralph''': Yeah, that's right! That's you, oh my god!

'''Person in background''': Sorry about that, guys.

'''Ralph''': I told you!

'''Chris''': (indistinct) flying (?)...

'''Girl in background''': (To Ralph) Is the car unlocked?

'''Chris''': (indistinct) I am good like this!

'''Guy in background''': (To Chris) You are, you absolutely are!

'''Ralph''': Yeah, I think so. (To Chris) Yeah, you appear to be compliant.

'''Chris''': I am Chris-Chan Sonichu, your goddess Blue Heart, and I continue to stand strong, and I maintain everything with [[CWCVille]] and my [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichus and Rosechus]] and everybody.

'''Ralph''': Yeah, you're live to about 3,000 people right now, Christian!

'''Guy in background''': How do you plead?

'''Ralph''': Well don't...you're taking everything in stride, you said you're doing good?

'''Chris''' : Yeah. I keep a good faith everything is going to work out.

'''Ralph''': Doing good, feeling good?

'''Chris''' : Yep.

'''Ralph''': How's the last few days been? I know it's been pretty [[Stress|stressful]].

'''Chris''' : Bit stressful, but... I've taken it one moment at a time and...I've got my...I've got my loves.

'''Ralph''': Well that's good.

'''Guy in background''': Do you, like, Josh Moon, like, did you dirty?

''[An officer begins frisking Chris, and apparently finds something on his waistband]''

'''Chris''': (To officer) Oh, well, that's just the one thing, that's a pin. Feel free, just go ahead and take it out, it's a picture of Muffins from ''[[My Little Pony]]''.

'''Guy in background''': Your [[Love Quest]] is over, Chris!

'''Chris''': (To officer) I promise like...I was not (indistinct) to fall... it fell off my bag, I did not want to lose it. And please, I would like that in my collection. (indistinct)

'''Jesse''': Hey, Ethan!

'''Ralph''': What's up, Jesse?

'''Jesse''': How you doing?

'''Ralph''': Boy we almost missed it, huh?

''[Ralph and Jesse laugh]''

'''Jesse''': I was wandering around the mall.

''[The officer starts searching Chris's left side]''

'''Chris''': Well, heh. He's not offering me any options there...

'''Officer''': I'm just letting you know I'm... (indistinct)

'''Girl in background''': I literally ran out to get that (chuckles). This is nuts.

''[Someone makes a noise in the background]''

'''Jesse''': Christine, this man does want to help you.

'''Ralph''': Yeah, we were trying to get you on the show, but...look, when you get out, look me up, Killstream. I don't know if you know who I am or not.

'''Girl in background''': We're here to help you!

''[Indistinct yelling in background]''

'''Ralph''': We saw what Josh was doing to you, so we wanted to come try to talk to you.

''[The cop finishes his search]''

'''Police officer''': (To Chris) Do you have anything else on you?

'''Chris''': I have nothing else on me.

''[The police officer says something to Chris]''

'''Chris''': I understand. I have no weed, I have no drugs on (indistinct)... like I said, frisk me, there you go! (chuckles)

'''Ralph''': (Chuckles)

'''Chris''': That felt good!

'''Ralph''': (Laughs loudly)

'''Chris''': Thank you.

'''Police officer''': Alright, let's have a seat.

'''Jesse''': Christine, is the merge coming?

'''Ralph''': Aight...

'''Chris''': It's happening now, we're on the very last thread!

'''Ralph''': (talking over Chris) The Merge, it's happening right now, isn't it?

'''Girl in background''': It's happening right now, it is.

'''Chris''': We're living it!

''[Chris turns to the officers.]''

'''Chris''': (indistinct) ...Batman into a hero.

''[Chris sits down as one of the officers points into the back of the police car]''

'''Girl in background''': It's happening right now.

'''Guy in background''': Merge the dimensions, Chris!

'''Ralph''': Farewell, Chris Chan!

'''Girl in background''': (indistinct) The Dimensional Merge is happening right now, August 1, 2021.

''[Chris disappears into the back of the police car]''

[''End of relevant footage'']

}}

==Initial jail stay==
[[File:2021 Chris Chan mugshot 2.jpg|right|thumb|Chris's second mugshot on 2 August when transferred to Central Virginia Regional Jail.|200px]]
[[File:Henrico County Jail West.JPG|thumb|300px|Aerial view of Henrico County Jail West]]
[[File:Central Virginia Regional Jail.JPG|thumb|300px|Aerial view of Central Virginia Regional Jail]]
At 8:23 PM later that day, Chris was booked into Henrico County Jail West and held without bail.<ref name=charged/><ref name=sun>[https://www.the-sun.com/news/3394847/chris-chan-sonichu-arrested-incest/ Chris Chan arrested for ‘incest’ after claims Sonichu comic book creator sexually assaulted family member] [https://web.archive.org/web/20210804202308/https://www.the-sun.com/news/3394847/chris-chan-sonichu-arrested-incest/ (archive)]</ref> On 2 August 2021, the Charlottesville CBS affiliate, CBS 19, reported on the case, following the release of a press release from the Greene County Sheriff's Department indicating that Chris had been moved to [[Chris's homes#Central Virginia Regional Jail|Central Virginia Regional Jail]], which serves several rural counties including Greene County.<ref name="press release">Press release on [https://www.cbs19news.com/story/44432363/suspect-arrested-in-sex-crimes-against-family-member-case CBS], [https://www.facebook.com/269663503100241/photos/a.398555170211073/4389133984486485/?type=3 Facebook]</ref>

Calls to the Sheriff's Office confirmed that Chris was being held on a charge of incest. Notably, the charge against Chris is listed on the Henrico Sheriff's Office website as "incest with own child or grandchild",<ref name=charged>[[:File:Charged.png]]</ref> presumably because "incest with own parent" charges are too uncommon to warrant an option for them in the software.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-the-legal-issues.96776/post-9613612 Chris - The Legal Issues - A Prosecutor's Perspective]</ref>

Originally, Chris was going to be transferred to a female prison, but after uproar from his new exposure, the designation was changed to male without explanation and he was placed in a corresponding facility.<ref name=InsiderGender/><ref name=tucker/> It is noted that transgender inmates in Virginia are usually only placed in the prison of their identified gender if they have received sex-change surgery,<ref>[https://richmond.com/news/virginia/transgender-prison-inmates-5-to-6-times-more-likely-to-be-victims-of-sexual-assault/article_79c231fd-4d27-5a38-bc48-500301794348.html Transgender prison inmates 5 to 6 times more likely to be victims of sexual assault in U.S., study says]</ref> which Chris has not. On 7 August 2021, conservative media host [[wikipedia:Tucker Carlson|Tucker Carlson]] briefly talked about the discourse in a [[wikipedia:Fox News|Fox News]] segment, exposing millions of retired, right-wing boomers to Chris for the first time.<ref name=tucker>[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9PW_XVGWHw Tucker Carlson discusses Chris-Chan]</ref>

Many observers predicted Chris would not take to an extended jail stay well. However, on August 5, the jail's Captain Hoffman told news, "I've had an interaction with inmate Chandler and it's been fine. Everything is okay."<ref name=InsiderGender>[https://www.insider.com/chris-chan-arrest-jail-transgender-trans-woman-men-male-incest-2021-8 After her arrest on an incest charge, Chris Chan is being categorized as male in jail despite being a trans woman]</ref> A [[Jail Letter 2|letter]] Chris sent from jail in early October confirms that he is being fed well and that he has been able to purchase minor luxuries from the jail's commissary including playing cards, earplugs and a [[sports bra]].

==Legal proceedings and communications==
[[File:HeilbergPortraitNew.jpg|200px|thumb|Chris's long-suffering lawyer, David Heilberg.]]
=== First court appearance ===
On 5 August 2021, Chris appeared before the court for the beginning of his arraignment, represented by Charlottesville public defender David Heilberg.<ref name=initial_trial/>

The attorney representing [[Greene County]] asked presiding judge David M. Barredo to deny Chris bond out of concern for "the community's safety and Ms. Chandler's safety." Chris reportedly interrupted the proceedings multiple times. He was chided by his attorney for shouting "[[Chris and his ego|I'm famous on the internet]]." He was sworn in to state his case for bond, but wasted his opportunity to speak by demanding to be allowed to pick up personal possessions first.<ref name=initial_trial>[https://dailyprogress.com/community/greenenews/news/internet-personality-chris-chan-in-court-on-incest-charge/article_eaa0710c-f492-11eb-bba8-7f35686d288a.html Internet personality "Chris-Chan" in court on incest charge] [https://web.archive.org/web/20210805180746/https://dailyprogress.com/community/greenenews/news/internet-personality-chris-chan-in-court-on-incest-charge/article_eaa0710c-f492-11eb-bba8-7f35686d288a.html (archive)]</ref>

Judge Barredo ordered Chris to be held without bond until the preliminary trial on 16 September, believing Chris posed a danger to both [[Barbara Chandler|society]] and himself. While Heilberg was informing the judge that he sought "[[Autism papers|evaluations]]" of Chris, Chris ''interrupted his own attorney'' by loudly stomping on the floor and demanding "[[List of toys|to get everything back home,]]” claiming "I won’t feel safe proceeding" until he could get the items back.<ref name=initial_trial/>

Judging by Chris's behavior, it can be inferred that Chris either did not fully understand or [[Chris and remorse|care about]] the seriousness of his charges and the possible [[Chris and negotiation|consequences]], or that he still expected to be saved by the [[Dimensional Merge]].

=== Continuance and first letter from jail ===
{{Main|Jail Letter 1}}
[[File:Nullletter1.jpg|thumb|200px|The first page of Chris's letter.]]
Chris's next court appearance was to begin 16 [[September 2021]],<ref name=initial_trial/> but got a continuance before the hearing was even set to commence{{refn|The hearing was scheduled for 10:00 AM;<ref name=initial_trial/> news of the continuance broke at 8:31 AM.<ref name=time>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/9-16-2021-court-case-gets-a-continuance.100315/post-9988888 9-16-21: Court Case Gets a Continuance (page 1)] [http://web.archive.org/web/20211001204901/https://kiwifarms.net/threads/9-16-2021-court-case-gets-a-continuance.100315/ (archived)]</ref>}} due to the defense requesting more time to evaluate Chris's [[Chris and mental healthcare|mental health]], giving him a brief respite.<ref name=ContinuanceReason>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/9-16-2021-court-case-gets-a-continuance.100315/page-4#post-9990379 9-16-21: Court Case Gets a Continuance (page 4)] [https://web.archive.org/web/20211001204901/https://kiwifarms.net/threads/9-16-2021-court-case-gets-a-continuance.100315/ (archived)]</ref>

However, Chris, as always, managed to screw himself over where others failed. Three days later, Chris penned [[Chris's letter from jail|a bizarre letter]] directed to [[Null]] and defense lawyer David Heilberg, in which he defended [[incest]], ranted at Null for turning his back on Chris, and claimed to be [[Jesus Christ]] reincarnated, among other equally batshit statements.<ref name=letter/>

Chris evidently [[Honest content|never listened when he was given the right to remain silent]]. Before this point, while the prosecution had [[Incest Call|audio]] and screenshotted DMs of him confessing to the act, information collected from internet forums or leaked text messages can be unreliable in court.<ref>[https://www.mccarthyfingar.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/20120526100635-bar-journal-25-34.pdf A Primer and Problems in Admitting Electronic Records in Evidence at Trial and in Support of Motions for Summary Judgment]</ref> Chris's lawyer could have made the argument that he was coerced into saying those things ([[Chris apologizes to Gwen|which has happened before]]), or even argued that Chris's accounts were taken over by trolls, [[PS3|as they often are]]. These things could have gotten a potential jury to view Chris in a more favorable light and could also have secured Chris a lighter sentence.

With this open letter, however, Chris has shot both himself and his attorney in the foot. Any plans by Heilberg to make the trial an issue of mental health{{refn|After Chris's first court showing, Heilberg framed the case in these terms, telling media sources that his client was "legally disabled with mental health issues," and called Chris's online antics "a product of mental health issues causing misguided attention seeking and often provocative engagement with others."<ref name=MentalHealth>[https://www.newsweek.com/chris-chans-lawyer-says-mental-health-issues-contributed-incest-charge-1617388 Chris Chan's Lawyer Says 'Mental Health Issues' Contributed to Incest Charge]</ref>}} are going to be much more difficult now. In order for the insanity defense to be utilized, Heilberg would have had to make a convincing argument that Chris did not possess the criminal intent required for legal guilt due to his mental illness worsened by years of trolling clouding his judgement.<ref>[https://www.ojp.gov/ncjrs/virtual-library/abstracts/insanity-plea Legal requirements for an Insanity Defense]</ref> Already difficult to pull off, Chris had gone ahead and made it near impossible by BOTH admitting to the crime and demonstrating that he was cognizant of his actions in writing.

=== Second and third letters from jail ===
{{Main|Jail Letter 2|Jail Letter 3}}

In his second letter, Chris provides a brief update of his current conditions in prison. He would also continue to double down on his delusions, threaten the weens stealing things from his house, beg for money for both him and Barbara, and demand his release from prison. In his third letter, Chris responds to a fan's attempt to get him to convert to Islam. Like the previous letters, he compares himself to Allah and rants about the dimensional merge.

=== Second court appearance ===

Chris's second court appearance is currently scheduled for the 18th of [[November 2021|November]].<ref name=ContinuanceDate>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/9-16-2021-court-case-gets-a-continuance.100315/page-7#post-9991077 9-16-21: Court Case Gets a Continuance (page 7)]</ref> While it's too early to predict exactly what will happen next, it's safe to assume Chris has essentially handed the state prosecution their guilty verdict on a silver platter.

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu Saves Chris Chan from Prison to Fight Clyde Cash & Liquid Chris!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-BCDY1xWcUM}}
| stardate = 11 [[September 2021]]
| maker = sheWIND
| subject = Chris in jail
| type = Animation
| info = "Christine Weston Chandler, aka Chris Chan, mayor of Cwcville, is rescued by the demential merge after going to jail for hurting Barb by Sonichu to have a final battle against some of his strongest trolls, Clyde Cash and Liquid Chris!!"
}}

==See also==
*[[28 October 2011]]
*[[26 December 2014]]
*[[Post-Merge Era]]

==References==

Jail Saga

2021-10-17T12:32:19Z

HarryHowler: /* Arrest */

{{Ongoing}}

[[File:2021 Chris Chan mugshot.jpg|thumb|300px|Chris's mugshot for his [[incest]] charge, Henrico County Sheriff's Office.<ref name=sun/>]]

Following allegations in late [[July 2021|July]] and the eventual confirmation that [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] had committed [[incest]] with [[Barb]], hundreds of people contacted the Greene County police, and authorities conducted a welfare check on the Chandler home, issuing an Emergency Protective Order on [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] the following day (essentially a temporary week-long restraining order). Chris was made temporarily homeless, and stayed at the Regency Inn Richmond for the meantime. Chris was '''arrested on 1 [[August 2021]]''', outside of the Inn. The arrest was captured live on stream by several [[Post-Merge_Era#Ethan_Ralph|onlookers.]] Surprisingly, given Chris's past history with [[Chris and the law|the law]], he made no attempt to resist arrest, and was cooperative with police.

As of writing, Chris is currently being held at the Central Virginia Regional Jail and is currently awaiting trial for the charge of incest, as well as pending charges yet to be identified.<ref name="press release"/> He was arraigned on 5 August 2021 and held without bond pending a mental health evaluation until 18 November.<ref name=ContinuanceDate/>

==Background==
{{See also|Incest}}

It is a [[Chris and the law|criminal offense]] in Virginia to engage in incest - sexual activities between a parent and a child are a class 5 felony, punishable on indictment by up to 10 years incarceration.<ref name=kvia>[https://kvia.com/news/us-world/2021/08/10/transgender-autistic-internet-personality-chris-chan-held-without-bond-in-mens-jail-on-incest-charge-involving-senile-mom/ Transgender, autistic internet personality Chris Chan held without bond in men's jail on incest charge involving senile mom]</ref>

In the early morning of 28 July 2021, Chris discussed having sex with his mother in a call and text messages with [[Isabella Loretta Janke]]. On the night of 29 July, the [[Suitress]] leaked the files. The next morning, as reports poured in, Greene County Police visited [[14 Branchland Court]] for a [[Welfare check|wellness check]].<ref name=sun/> They issued Chris an Emergency Protective Order, forbidding contact between him and Barbara, and by extension, preventing him from remaining at her residence until 5 August. Meanwhile, Barbara was relocated to a hospital for a senior care inspection.<ref name=removed>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-chan-incest-leak-chris-has-been-removed-from-14-branchland-court.96559/ Chris-Chan incest leak / Chris has been removed from 14 Branchland Court]</ref>

As a result of the protection order levied against Chris, he was without a home for the time being. Due to [[Financhu Crisis|ongoing financial problems]], Chris could not afford a hotel. [[Null]] advised him to sleep in [[Son-Chu#Barb's Dodge Caravan|his van]] for one night, noting that Chris would have have the proceeds of Chris's GoFundMe (originally intended for Chris's trip to [[Everfree Northwest]]) transferred to his bank account the following day. Initial plans to stay with [[Aunt Harriet and Uncle Tom]] were disrupted after their invitation was rescinded - likely while he was already on the way to their home.<ref name=letter>[[Jail Letter 1]]</ref>{{refn|
Chris told Null that after spending the night in his car, he would go to a mall as soon as it opened in the morning and loiter there.<ref name=NullTexts/> The two malls he mentioned, [[Leonard Bearstein|Regency Mall]] and Chesterfield Towne Center, are in [[Richmond]].<ref>{{w|Regency Mall (Richmond, Virginia)}} and {{w|Chesterfield Towne Center}} on Wikipedia</ref> This suggests that [[Aunt Harriet and Uncle Tom]], who live in Richmond's southwest suburbs,<ref>[[Miyamoto emails#Please Give Me $800|Chris leaks the Ashbys' address to Miyamoto-san]]</ref> did not rescind their invitation until he had actually gotten near their home, though Chris would later claim they “caste [sic] [him] out before [he] even arrived in Midlothian.”<ref name=letter/>}}

On 30th of July, Everfree Northwest posted that "appropriate action to protect the vulnerable" will be taken; while not naming Chris, it is suspected that that this tweet refers to the revocation of Chris's invitation to the convention,<ref>[[:File:EverfreeNorthwestBansChris.jpg|Everfree Northwest tweet]]</ref> which Null subsequently confirmed. Due to the disturbing and lurid nature of the allegations, hashtags and topics such as #ChrisChan and #CHRISCHANDIDWHAT trended on Twitter, reaching 4th overall trend on July 30th,<ref>[https://www.sportskeeda.com/pop-culture/who-chris-chan-sonichu-comic-creator-leaves-twitter-scandalized-latest-trend Who is Chris Chan? Sonichu comic creator leaves Twitter scandalized with latest trend]</ref> exposing a large number of otherwise uninvolved individuals to the story of Chris-Chan causing the [[Orbiter Wave]].

On 31 July, Null, who had access to Chris's email (with Chris's permission) since the [[Guard Dogs]] Saga,<ref name="marvinqna">[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/the-chris-chan-extortionists.45366/post-3553571 Marvin answers questions regarding OPERATION: Kingsnake]</ref><ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/operation-kingsnake.44345/ OPERATION: Kingsnake]</ref> found that Chris had received $750.00 from Barb's bank account, meaning he had either contacted Barb or gained access to Barb's bank account himself, either of which would violate the emergency protection order. When confronted, Chris initially denied the accusation, claiming he had "managed to find blessings in the minimum abundance needed." However, upon further questioning he confirmed the that he had had access to Barb's account for some time, contrary to Null's previous assumption that Barb had been control of Chris's finances and not vice versa. Upset by Chris embezzling from his mother and lying to cover it up, Null finally cut all contact with him, reported the theft to authorities, and canceled the transfer of the GoFundMe money, arranging for it to be refunded to the donors.<ref name=NullTexts>[[Incest fallout chat leaks#Chris takes money from Barb]]</ref>

==Arrest==
[[File:Arrestchu.jpeg|thumb|500px|"Ladies and gentlemen, we got him."]]
{{quote|I am [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], your [[Messiah complex|Goddess]] [[CPU Blue Heart|Blue Heart]], and I continue to stand strong, and I maintain everything with [[CWCVille]] and my [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichus]] and [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]] and everybody. I keep in good faith that everything is going to work out.|Chris, while being arrested.<ref name=video>[[#Video|Video of Chris's arrest filmed by Killstream crew]]</ref>}}
On the evening of 31 July, Reddit user ''[[Chrisisaman]]'' located [[Son-chu]] at the Regency Inn in [[Richmond]], confirming that Chris was in the city and that he would be spending time in a motel.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20210801045236/https://old.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/ovlys1/location_confirmed_10_minutes_ago/ Archived Reddit post confirming Chris's location]</ref> The next day, [[Post-Merge Era|a number of people]] attempted to contact Chris there. Most significant was YouTuber [[Ethan Ralph]] who livestreamed himself and his friends [[Ween|driving to the motel to meet Chris]]. The group ordered a [[Obesity|pizza]] in the hopes of luring him out, but this was unsuccessful - Chris was apparently too busy messaging [[Sean Walker]].{{refn|The time Ralph was knocking on Chris's door - about 3:01 PM<ref name=snippet/> - is almost exactly the same as the timestamps on Chris's final messages to Sean Walker - 3:10 PM.<ref>[[Sean Walker Discord DMs#Chris's final messages]]</ref>}}

They then went about knocking on every door on the second floor, but this was fruitless as well, and only led to the menagerie being ordered to leave by a [[Jerkop|motel employee]].<ref name=snippet>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/8-1-21-ethan-ralph-tries-to-drag-chris-chan-to-his-house.96772/post-9596798 Archived stream snippet]</ref>

Not giving up, the group went to the [[Wikipedia:Regency Mall (Richmond, Virginia)|Regency Mall]] (of [[Leonard Bearstein|'the bear']] fame) across the street, following (incorrect) speculation that Chris might be there if not in his room.

Later that afternoon, Ralph was tipped off that four police cars had shown up at the motel. At around 6:00 PM, he got back just in time to film two Henrico County police officers perp-walking Chris down from his room, streaming the whole debacle for a live audience of over 3,000 viewers. While the police talked to Chris, Ralph sporadically yelled questions and comments, to which Chris occasionally responded.

Unlike Chris's previous run-ins with the law, he remained mostly calm and compliant during the arrest (possibly due to Walker having advised him the previous day to co-operate with the police in the event of his being arrested), though he rambled about the [[Dimensional Merge]] to both the police and Ralph's crew, promising that the Merge was in fact happening right at that moment. The police then loaded Chris into a squad car and left without answering Ralph's questions.<ref name=video/> An additional POV shot filmed by an anonymous onlooker showed Chris climbing directly into the cop car - the last known video of Chris for the foreseeable future.

===Video===

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris-Chan Arrested
| ytid = i2ELbb6svD4
| style = {{Tragedy|[[Chris and stress|My Baby Blue Arms]]}}, {{Reason|text}}, {{Crazy|[[Autism|Tumbling Down, Tumbling Down, Tumbling Down]]}}
| stardate = 1st [[August 2021]]
| saga = {{Incest|text}} {{Post-Merge|text}} {{Prison|text}}
| previous =
| next =
}}

===Transcript===
{{collapsible|state=mw-collapsed|Transcript|

''[Video begins with a shot of a neighboring car. A woman gets out of it with her phone. The song "Save Your Tears" by the Weeknd plays in background.]''

'''Girl''': Oh my god!

'''Ralph''': They're arresting her!

''[Ralph gets out of the car and walks toward the fence. The woman from earlier is now kneeling with her phone pointing at the motel. Ralph walks past her.]''

'''Ralph''': Sorry.

''[Camera zooms in on the motel, focusing on the second floor, where the police officers are walking Chris]''

'''Girl in background''': Oh my god!

'''Ralph''': Yeah, they're arresting Chris-Chan here at the hotel.

'''Chris''' (yelling): (unclear due to chatter) ...For the internet, do not record this!

'''Ralph''' (yelling): Chris-Chan, what's up! Killstream, baby! When you get out, let's do the Killstream! Look me up!

'''Guy in background''': Let the charges drop! It's all about [[Null|Joshua Conner Moon]]!

'''Ralph''': Tell 'em all about Josh Moon, that's who they want!

''[Bystanders start yelling]''

'''Girl in background''': Give it up, Chris-Chan!

'''Guy in background''': Give him up... save yourself, girl!

'''Another guy in background''': Magi-Chan will help you!

'''Third guy in background''': You're beautiful!

'''Ralph''': Look up Ethan Ralph, Killstream! I live here in Richmond, buddy!

'''Girl in background''': Go to church!

'''Ralph''': No, come to... come to the Killstream first!

''[As the cops walk Chris down the stairs, there is more yelling]''

'''Person below''': ETHAN I BOUGHT YOUR STICKER!

'''Ralph''': YEEEAH! What kind of shit is this? Holy shit! Oh my god, thank you!

''[The cops are now walking Chris past the motel entrance]''

'''Guy in background''': Got a (indistinct) here!

'''Girl in background''': Christian Weston Chandler, right here being...

''[Camera turns past a nearby building as Ralph runs toward the motel parking lot]''

'''Ralph''': Oh, shit, oh! You better hurry Jesse, you're missing out!

''[The camera now zooms in on Chris and three police officers, now standing outside a police car]''

'''Police officer''':...oh no, (indistinct) transport in the front...

''[One of the officers says something to Chris that cannot be heard, presumably asking for his name]''

'''Chris''': ...Chris-Chan, or Sonichu, as they know...

''[Camera freezes for a couple seconds]''

'''Girl in background''':...Chris. (indistinct) Bring 'em...

''[A fourth officer gets out of one of the police cars]''

'''Ralph''': Hey, officers, how's it going?

'''Police officer''': How you doing? I just saw you.

'''Ralph''': Yeah, that's right! That's you, oh my god!

'''Person in background''': Sorry about that, guys.

'''Ralph''': I told you!

'''Chris''': (indistinct) flying (?)...

'''Girl in background''': (To Ralph) Is the car unlocked?

'''Chris''': (indistinct) I am good like this!

'''Guy in background''': (To Chris) You are, you absolutely are!

'''Ralph''': Yeah, I think so. (To Chris) Yeah, you appear to be compliant.

'''Chris''': I am Chris-Chan Sonichu, your goddess Blue Heart, and I continue to stand strong, and I maintain everything with [[CWCVille]] and my [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichus and Rosechus]] and everybody.

'''Ralph''': Yeah, you're live to about 3,000 people right now, Christian!

'''Guy in background''': How do you plead?

'''Ralph''': Well don't...you're taking everything in stride, you said you're doing good?

'''Chris''' : Yeah. I keep a good faith everything is going to work out.

'''Ralph''': Doing good, feeling good?

'''Chris''' : Yep.

'''Ralph''': How's the last few days been? I know it's been pretty [[Stress|stressful]].

'''Chris''' : Bit stressful, but... I've taken it one moment at a time and...I've got my...I've got my loves.

'''Ralph''': Well that's good.

'''Guy in background''': Do you, like, Josh Moon, like, did you dirty?

''[An officer begins frisking Chris, and apparently finds something on his waistband]''

'''Chris''': (To officer) Oh, well, that's just the one thing, that's a pin. Feel free, just go ahead and take it out, it's a picture of Muffins from ''[[My Little Pony]]''.

'''Guy in background''': Your [[Love Quest]] is over, Chris!

'''Chris''': (To officer) I promise like...I was not (indistinct) to fall... it fell off my bag, I did not want to lose it. And please, I would like that in my collection. (indistinct)

'''Jesse''': Hey, Ethan!

'''Ralph''': What's up, Jesse?

'''Jesse''': How you doing?

'''Ralph''': Boy we almost missed it, huh?

''[Ralph and Jesse laugh]''

'''Jesse''': I was wandering around the mall.

''[The officer starts searching Chris's left side]''

'''Chris''': Well, heh. He's not offering me any options there...

'''Officer''': I'm just letting you know I'm... (indistinct)

'''Girl in background''': I literally ran out to get that (chuckles). This is nuts.

''[Someone makes a noise in the background]''

'''Jesse''': Christine, this man does want to help you.

'''Ralph''': Yeah, we were trying to get you on the show, but...look, when you get out, look me up, Killstream. I don't know if you know who I am or not.

'''Girl in background''': We're here to help you!

''[Indistinct yelling in background]''

'''Ralph''': We saw what Josh was doing to you, so we wanted to come try to talk to you.

''[The cop finishes his search]''

'''Police officer''': (To Chris) Do you have anything else on you?

'''Chris''': I have nothing else on me.

''[The police officer says something to Chris]''

'''Chris''': I understand. I have no weed, I have no drugs on (indistinct)... like I said, frisk me, there you go! (chuckles)

'''Ralph''': (Chuckles)

'''Chris''': That felt good!

'''Ralph''': (Laughs loudly)

'''Chris''': Thank you.

'''Police officer''': Alright, let's have a seat.

'''Jesse''': Christine, is the merge coming?

'''Ralph''': Aight...

'''Chris''': It's happening now, we're on the very last thread!

'''Ralph''': (talking over Chris) The Merge, it's happening right now, isn't it?

'''Girl in background''': It's happening right now, it is.

'''Chris''': We're living it!

''[Chris turns to the officers.]''

'''Chris''': (indistinct) ...Batman into a hero.

''[Chris sits down as one of the officers points into the back of the police car]''

'''Girl in background''': It's happening right now.

'''Guy in background''': Merge the dimensions, Chris!

'''Ralph''': Farewell, Chris Chan!

'''Girl in background''': (indistinct) The Dimensional Merge is happening right now, August 1, 2021.

''[Chris disappears into the back of the police car]''

[''End of relevant footage'']

}}

==Initial jail stay==
[[File:2021 Chris Chan mugshot 2.jpg|right|thumb|Chris's second mugshot on 2 August when transferred to Central Virginia Regional Jail.|200px]]
[[File:Henrico County Jail West.JPG|thumb|300px|Aerial view of Henrico County Jail West]]
[[File:Central Virginia Regional Jail.JPG|thumb|300px|Aerial view of Central Virginia Regional Jail]]
At 8:23 PM later that day, Chris was booked into Henrico County Jail West and held without bail.<ref name=charged/><ref name=sun>[https://www.the-sun.com/news/3394847/chris-chan-sonichu-arrested-incest/ Chris Chan arrested for ‘incest’ after claims Sonichu comic book creator sexually assaulted family member] [https://web.archive.org/web/20210804202308/https://www.the-sun.com/news/3394847/chris-chan-sonichu-arrested-incest/ (archive)]</ref> On 2 August 2021, the Charlottesville CBS affiliate, CBS 19, reported on the case, following the release of a press release from the Greene County Sheriff's Department indicating that Chris had been moved to [[Chris's homes#Central Virginia Regional Jail|Central Virginia Regional Jail]], which serves several rural counties including Greene County.<ref name="press release">Press release on [https://www.cbs19news.com/story/44432363/suspect-arrested-in-sex-crimes-against-family-member-case CBS], [https://www.facebook.com/269663503100241/photos/a.398555170211073/4389133984486485/?type=3 Facebook]</ref>

Calls to the Sheriff's Office confirmed that Chris was being held on a charge of incest. Notably, the charge against Chris is listed on the Henrico Sheriff's Office website as "incest with own child or grandchild",<ref name=charged>[[:File:Charged.png]]</ref> presumably because "incest with own parent" charges are too uncommon to warrant an option for them in the software.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-the-legal-issues.96776/post-9613612 Chris - The Legal Issues - A Prosecutor's Perspective]</ref>

Originally, Chris was going to be transferred to a female prison, but after uproar from his new exposure, the designation was changed to male without explanation and he was placed in a corresponding facility.<ref name=InsiderGender/><ref name=tucker/> It is noted that transgender inmates in Virginia are usually only placed in the prison of their identified gender if they have received sex-change surgery,<ref>[https://richmond.com/news/virginia/transgender-prison-inmates-5-to-6-times-more-likely-to-be-victims-of-sexual-assault/article_79c231fd-4d27-5a38-bc48-500301794348.html Transgender prison inmates 5 to 6 times more likely to be victims of sexual assault in U.S., study says]</ref> which Chris has not. On 7 August 2021, conservative media host [[wikipedia:Tucker Carlson|Tucker Carlson]] briefly talked about the discourse in a [[wikipedia:Fox News|Fox News]] segment, exposing millions of retired, right-wing boomers to Chris for the first time.<ref name=tucker>[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9PW_XVGWHw Tucker Carlson discusses Chris-Chan]</ref>

Many observers predicted Chris would not take to an extended jail stay well. However, on August 5, the jail's Captain Hoffman told news, "I've had an interaction with inmate Chandler and it's been fine. Everything is okay."<ref name=InsiderGender>[https://www.insider.com/chris-chan-arrest-jail-transgender-trans-woman-men-male-incest-2021-8 After her arrest on an incest charge, Chris Chan is being categorized as male in jail despite being a trans woman]</ref> A [[Jail Letter 2|letter]] Chris sent from jail in early October confirms that he is being fed well and that he has been able to purchase minor luxuries from the jail's commissary including playing cards, earplugs and a [[sports bra]].

==Legal proceedings and communications==
[[File:HeilbergPortraitNew.jpg|200px|thumb|Chris's long-suffering lawyer, David Heilberg.]]
=== First court appearance ===
On 5 August 2021, Chris appeared before the court for the beginning of his arraignment, represented by Charlottesville public defender David Heilberg.<ref name=initial_trial/>

The attorney representing [[Greene County]] asked presiding judge David M. Barredo to deny Chris bond out of concern for "the community's safety and Ms. Chandler's safety." Chris reportedly interrupted the proceedings multiple times. He was chided by his attorney for shouting "[[Chris and his ego|I'm famous on the internet]]." He was sworn in to state his case for bond, but wasted his opportunity to speak by demanding to be allowed to pick up personal possessions first.<ref name=initial_trial>[https://dailyprogress.com/community/greenenews/news/internet-personality-chris-chan-in-court-on-incest-charge/article_eaa0710c-f492-11eb-bba8-7f35686d288a.html Internet personality "Chris-Chan" in court on incest charge] [https://web.archive.org/web/20210805180746/https://dailyprogress.com/community/greenenews/news/internet-personality-chris-chan-in-court-on-incest-charge/article_eaa0710c-f492-11eb-bba8-7f35686d288a.html (archive)]</ref>

Judge Barredo ordered Chris to be held without bond until the preliminary trial on 16 September, believing Chris posed a danger to both [[Barbara Chandler|society]] and himself. While Heilberg was informing the judge that he sought "[[Autism papers|evaluations]]" of Chris, Chris ''interrupted his own attorney'' by loudly stomping on the floor and demanding "[[List of toys|to get everything back home,]]” claiming "I won’t feel safe proceeding" until he could get the items back.<ref name=initial_trial/>

Judging by Chris's behavior, it can be inferred that Chris either did not fully understand or [[Chris and remorse|care about]] the seriousness of his charges and the possible [[Chris and negotiation|consequences]], or that he still expected to be saved by the [[Dimensional Merge]].

=== Continuance and first letter from jail ===
{{Main|Jail Letter 1}}
[[File:Nullletter1.jpg|thumb|200px|The first page of Chris's letter.]]
Chris's next court appearance was to begin 16 [[September 2021]],<ref name=initial_trial/> but got a continuance before the hearing was even set to commence{{refn|The hearing was scheduled for 10:00 AM;<ref name=initial_trial/> news of the continuance broke at 8:31 AM.<ref name=time>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/9-16-2021-court-case-gets-a-continuance.100315/post-9988888 9-16-21: Court Case Gets a Continuance (page 1)] [http://web.archive.org/web/20211001204901/https://kiwifarms.net/threads/9-16-2021-court-case-gets-a-continuance.100315/ (archived)]</ref>}} due to the defense requesting more time to evaluate Chris's [[Chris and mental healthcare|mental health]], giving him a brief respite.<ref name=ContinuanceReason>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/9-16-2021-court-case-gets-a-continuance.100315/page-4#post-9990379 9-16-21: Court Case Gets a Continuance (page 4)] [https://web.archive.org/web/20211001204901/https://kiwifarms.net/threads/9-16-2021-court-case-gets-a-continuance.100315/ (archived)]</ref>

However, Chris, as always, managed to screw himself over where others failed. Three days later, Chris penned [[Chris's letter from jail|a bizarre letter]] directed to [[Null]] and defense lawyer David Heilberg, in which he defended [[incest]], ranted at Null for turning his back on Chris, and claimed to be [[Jesus Christ]] reincarnated, among other equally batshit statements.<ref name=letter/>

Chris evidently [[Honest content|never listened when he was given the right to remain silent]]. Before this point, while the prosecution had [[Incest Call|audio]] and screenshotted DMs of him confessing to the act, information collected from internet forums or leaked text messages can be unreliable in court.<ref>[https://www.mccarthyfingar.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/20120526100635-bar-journal-25-34.pdf A Primer and Problems in Admitting Electronic Records in Evidence at Trial and in Support of Motions for Summary Judgment]</ref> Chris's lawyer could have made the argument that he was coerced into saying those things ([[Chris apologizes to Gwen|which has happened before]]), or even argued that Chris's accounts were taken over by trolls, [[PS3|as they often are]]. These things could have gotten a potential jury to view Chris in a more favorable light and could also have secured Chris a lighter sentence.

With this open letter, however, Chris has shot both himself and his attorney in the foot. Any plans by Heilberg to make the trial an issue of mental health{{refn|After Chris's first court showing, Heilberg framed the case in these terms, telling media sources that his client was "legally disabled with mental health issues," and called Chris's online antics "a product of mental health issues causing misguided attention seeking and often provocative engagement with others."<ref name=MentalHealth>[https://www.newsweek.com/chris-chans-lawyer-says-mental-health-issues-contributed-incest-charge-1617388 Chris Chan's Lawyer Says 'Mental Health Issues' Contributed to Incest Charge]</ref>}} are going to be much more difficult now. In order for the insanity defense to be utilized, Heilberg would have had to make a convincing argument that Chris did not possess the criminal intent required for legal guilt due to his mental illness worsened by years of trolling clouding his judgement.<ref>[https://www.ojp.gov/ncjrs/virtual-library/abstracts/insanity-plea Legal requirements for an Insanity Defense]</ref> Already difficult to pull off, Chris had gone ahead and made it near impossible by BOTH admitting to the crime and demonstrating that he was cognizant of his actions in writing.

=== Second and third letters from jail ===
{{Main|Jail Letter 2|Jail Letter 3}}

In his second letter, Chris provides a brief update of his current conditions in prison. He would also continue to double down on his delusions, threaten the weens stealing things from his house, beg for money for both him and Barbara, and demand his release from prison. In his third letter, Chris responds to a fan's attempt to get him to convert to Islam. Like the previous letters, he compares himself to Allah and rants about the dimensional merge.

=== Second court appearance ===

Chris's second court appearance is currently scheduled for the 18th of [[November 2021|November]].<ref name=ContinuanceDate>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/9-16-2021-court-case-gets-a-continuance.100315/page-7#post-9991077 9-16-21: Court Case Gets a Continuance (page 7)]</ref> While it's too early to predict exactly what will happen next, it's safe to assume Chris has essentially handed the state prosecution their guilty verdict on a silver platter.

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Sonichu Saves Chris Chan from Prison to Fight Clyde Cash & Liquid Chris!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-BCDY1xWcUM}}
| stardate = 11 [[September 2021]]
| maker = sheWIND
| subject = Chris in jail
| type = Animation
| info = "Christine Weston Chandler, aka Chris Chan, mayor of Cwcville, is rescued by the demential merge after going to jail for hurting Barb by Sonichu to have a final battle against some of his strongest trolls, Clyde Cash and Liquid Chris!!"
}}

==See also==
*[[28 October 2011]]
*[[26 December 2014]]
*[[Post-Merge Era]]

==References==

Chris's homes

2021-10-05T16:52:07Z

HarryHowler: /* Chesterfield County (Richmond suburbs) */

[[Image:CWCHouse.jpg|thumb|14 Branchland Court]]

Chris has lived all his life in the '''Commonwealth of Virginia''', leaving only to visit other parts of the United States on a few brief occasions. However, for various reasons he has lived in five different homes (plus a jail) over the course of his life, in two different parts of the state.

Chris was born in a [[Charlottesville, VA]] hospital, and he first lived in [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]], a bumfuck town on the outskirts of Charlottesville which is mainly inhabited by people similar to the late [[Bob Chandler]]. During his middle and high school years ([[1993]]-[[2000]]), he lived in a somewhat less bumfuck suburban area 77 miles (125 km) away, just outside the city of Richmond in Chesterfield County. His family decided to return to Ruckersville after Chris finished high school in 2000.

In [[August 2021]], Chris was jailed for [[incest]] at a facility in [[Wikipedia:Orange County, Virginia|Orange County]], as Greene County (where Ruckersville is located) does not have a jail of its own.

==Chesterfield County (Richmond suburbs)==
[[Image:Cloverleaf Streetview.jpg|thumb|right|Cloverleaf Lakes Apartments.]]
[[Image:0083-SurrywoodHouse.jpg|thumb|right|Surreywood.]]
Richmond is the capital city of [[Virginia]] and the former capital of the [[Wikipedia:Confederate States of America|Confederate States of America]]. Chesterfield County is just southwest of Richmond, and contains many of its suburbs. Chris and his parents lived in this area from [[1993]] to [[2000]]. During his life here, Chris attended [[Providence Middle School]] and [[Manchester High School]]. He attended a Korean Methodist church with his father, and occasionally went swimming at the local YMCA. By 2000 he was regularly playing [[Pokémon]] at [[Books-A-Million]].

The Chandler family [[A Week With Christian Chandler#Page 4|moved back]] to [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]] at the end of Chris's senior year, meaning that his transition from childhood to adulthood was marked by a physical relocation across the state. This move has therefore acquired enormous symbolic significance for Chris. His complete failure to become a successful adult since then, coupled with his rose-tinted view of high school and his [[gal-pals]], have caused him to romanticize Chesterfield County. He continues to believe that had his family not moved back to "lame Ruckersville," he would currently be drowning in [[china]] and everything would be perfect and uncomplicated.

The Chandlers have ties to the Richmond area going back well before Chris's birth. Barb moved to Richmond in the early 1960s with her husband Ran Coleman Yeatts, and Bob moved to the area with his family in 1975 for work. Barb's son [[Cole]] was brought up in inner Richmond, and Bob's daughter [[Carol]] attended [[Providence Middle School]], the same school Chris would later attend. Bob and Barb met at a bar in Richmond in 1979 and were living in Chesterfield County at the time of their marriage in 1980. They left the area shortly afterward when Bob was transferred by his job to Charlottesville.

Chris's [[Aunt Harriet and Uncle Tom]] also live in Chesterfield County. Chris leaked their then-current home address in the [[Miyamoto emails]], hoping that Shigeru Miyamoto would send them a letter to somehow establish his legitimacy. They have since moved to a different residence, also in Chesterfield County, and wisely chose not to share their new address with Chris or Barb.<ref>[[Rental House Tour]]</ref> In the wake of the summer 2021 allegation that Chris had committed [[incest]] with his mother, Chris was forbidden by Emergency Protective Order from the home he shared with her and made plans to stay with his [[Aunt Harriet and Uncle Tom]]; however, they refused to accommodate him. The city would nonetheless be where he spent his final night to date as a free man, specifically at the Regency Inn, a drive-in motel a short distance away from the [[Regency Square Mall]]; after spending the night of July 31 there, he was [[August 2021 Arrest and Court Case|arrested and jailed]] the following afternoon.<ref>[[Chris's letter from jail]]</ref>

===Cloverleaf Lakes Apartments===
The Cloverleaf Lakes Apartments are a set of apartments located just outside of Richmond in Chesterfield County, where the [[Chandler]] family lived from [[1993]] to [[1995]].

Chris claimed to have often seen "whooping cranes" in the duck pond behind their domicile.<ref>[[DVD Slideshow Transcripts#CWC Note 2]]</ref> Whooping cranes are nearly extinct and are not found in Virginia, so it's more likely that he saw [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandhill_crane sandhill cranes].

===Surreywood Subdivision===
The Surreywood Subdivision, or as Chris spells it, "Surrywood", is an area of Chesterfield County where the Chandlers lived from [[1995]] to [[1996]].

===Newberry Towne Subdivision===
The Newberry Towne Subdivision is an area of 500-odd homes in Chesterfield County.<ref>[http://www.google.ca/search?q=site%3Achesterfield.gov+"newberry+towne" Chesterfield.gov]</ref> The Chandlers lived at 6008 Partingdale Circle<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler]], page 1</ref> from [[1996]] to [[2000]], Chris's important [[Manchester High School|high school]] years. It is a three-bedroom, three-bathroom condominium built in 1978.

According to Chris, the neighbors spread rumors about his family. He "didn't care much ado about it", but his parents "couldn't take it sitting down".<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg|DVD, note 2]]</ref> Chris has never discussed these rumors in any great detail or mentioned whether they were a factor in the family's decision to move away from the Richmond area. He has, however, speculated that dark forces on the [[Greene County Conspiracy|Greene County School Board]], back in Ruckersville, conspired to force the relocation.

<center><gallery>
Image:0108-NewberryTowneHouse.jpg|6008 Partingdale Circle.
File:0111-LegoWalkman1.jpg|Chris sitting outside his home.
File:0461-CWCWithCustomCookie.jpg|Chris in the kitchen.
File:0476-CWC18th7.jpg|Chris celebrating his [[My big 18th party|18th birthday]] in the living room.
File:ChesterfieldCounty2000.jpg|The living room shortly thereafter, in the midst of the move to Ruckersville.
File:ChesterfieldCountyRoom2000.jpg|Chris's room in high school.
File:Chris Old Bedroom Large.jpg|Chris's illustration of his room, with [[Spanish]] annotations.
</gallery></center>
{{-}}

==Greene County (Charlottesville suburbs)==
Bob and Barbara first moved to the Charlottesville area circa [[1980]] when Bob was transferred there from General Electric's location in Richmond. Prior to this, neither of them had any ties to the area.

===14 Branchland Court===
Chris spent his first years in [[Ruckersville, VA]], where the Chandlers resided at [[14 Branchland Court]]. He and [[Bob Chandler|his father]] moved to the Richmond area after Chris left the fourth grade due to a dispute with the local school system. According to [[100 2178|a video address]] Chris released on 8 [[May 2010]], the Chandlers tried to sell 14 Branchland Court at some point during their time living in Richmond, but were unable to do so. As a consequence, Chris says, they were forced to move back to Ruckersville after he graduated [[high school]].

===Rental House===
After the January 2014 [[Destruction_Of_Chris's_House|fire at 14 Branchland Court]], the Chandlers moved to a temporary [[rental house]] at 6382 Flintstone Drive in the nearby unincorporated community of [[Wikipedia:Barboursville, VA|Barboursville]], Virginia. They returned to 14BC by January 2015.

==Central Virginia Regional Jail==
[[File:2021_Chris_Chan_mugshot_2.jpg|thumb|200px|Chris at his most recent housing. He clearly likes it!]]
In the wake of his [[August 2021]] arrest for [[incest]], Chris was sent to Central Virginia Regional Jail in Orange, Virginia, where he is being held without bond. He was transferred to the jail on 2 August after one night in Henrico County Jail in Richmond, where he had been arrested.<ref>https://dailyprogress.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/greene-county-woman-charged-with-incest/article_fbee4158-f3db-11eb-9ebc-bf432f1c0e8f.html</ref> Central Virginia Regional Jail serves five largely rural counties in central Virginia, including Greene County.
{{clear}}

==Family in Red Oak==
Back when the Chandlers were still on speaking terms with their relatives outside of Ruckersville, they would make occasional trips to Barb's hometown of [[Wikipedia: Red Oak, Virginia|Red Oak]] (or, as Chris tends to spell it, "Redoak"), an extremely remote backwoods settlement near the North Carolina state line, to visit Barb's sister [[Aunt Corrina|Corrina]] and her family. It was here that the Chandlers picked [[Patti]] out of Corrina's litter. After her death in February 2009, they came to Red Oak to take part in her funeral.<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]]</ref> [[Message for John Kyle|In a 2013 video]], Chris claims that everyone living in Red Oak after Corrina's death hates the Chandlers.

Chris visited Red Oak again over the weekend of June 27-28 to attend the wedding of his cousin [[Minor Family Members#Jonathan Carey|Jonathan Carey]]. In a July 2009 [[Chris-chan_Discusses...#Chris-chan_Discusses..._BILLY_MAYS|interview with Guru Larry]], Chris uses this trip as an alibi to prove that he could not have been the one piloting the plane [[BILLY MAYS]] was on shortly before his death.

Chris and Barb visited Red Oak in April 2012 (shortly after Chris [[Mia Hamm|lost his virginity]]) to plant flowers at her father's and Corrina's graves, but they did not visit their living family members as they were all "busy". Instead Chris and Barb stayed at a hotel in nearby [[Wikipedia: Clarksville, Virginia|Clarksville]].<ref>[[April 2012 Facebook posts#Vacation]]</ref><ref>[[Gal Pal E-mails 3#The Hooker and a Court Date]]</ref>

Confusingly, Chris once claimed in a conversation with a fan from the city of [[wikipedia:Fredericksburg, Virginia|Fredericksburg, Virginia]] that he had passed through his hometown, which is nowhere near Red Oak, on the way to Corrina's house "a few times".<ref>[[IRC_(24_October_2008)]]</ref> He may have been confusing it with [[wikipedia:Petersburg, Virginia|Petersburg]], which is on the way to Red Oak, or with [[Wikipedia:Wylliesburg, Virginia|Wylliesburg]], where Barb's old church was, or he may have simply been bullshitting in an effort to impress a fan.

==Chris and the rest of the world==
For most of his life, Chris rarely left Virginia, save for a trip to San Francisco, California for [[Cole Smithey|his half-brother's]] birthday circa July 1989,<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref><ref>[[Rental House Tour#Time to go]]</ref> his ill-fated [[Ohio trip|road trip to Ohio]] to visit [[BlueSpike|Julie]] in 2009 and the occasional day trip to Washington, D.C. Since 2017, however, he has attended several conventions outside of his home state, including [[BronyCon]] and [[MAGfest]] in Maryland and [[TooManyGames]] in Pennsylvania.

The California trip was the farthest Chris has traveled and the only time that Chris has flown on an airplane. [[Barb]] described the flight as "painful",<ref>[[Rental House Tour#Barb's family heritage]]</ref> but it is not clear if she was referring to the ordinary discomforts of air travel or if Chris's autism presented additional difficulties. Chris has expressed an interest in returning to the San Francisco Bay Area for [[BABSCon]], but so far [[Chris and money|financial circumstances]] and the [[COVID-19]] pandemic have prevented him from doing so.

To this day, Chris hasn't left the United States. He does ship internationally, and he sent a [[Hair#Hair mail|lock of his hair]] to a fan in Mexico, but that's the closest he has ever gotten to traveling abroad. When asked which countries he would most like to visit [[IRC (22 December 2008)|in 2008]], he mentioned [[anime|Japan]], England and France. When asked the same question again [[Twitter Q&A|in 2019]], his answer had changed to England, Japan, Canada and "maybe Germany, Scotland and Ireland".

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Places}}

[[Category:Places]]

April 16 Fetish Vids

2021-10-03T17:38:45Z

HarryHowler: /* How NOT to Take a Shower */

{{Honest}}

[[Image:Ecp00066.jpg|thumb|right|The April 16 Fetish Vids also include a set of photos, showing [[Chris]] wearing [[butt garments|diapers]].]]

The '''April 16 Fetish Vids''' is a set of three videos and a handful of photos, showing Chris engaged in different explicit and quite shocking practices. Chris made all of them for [[Ivy]] except the shower dance, which was another audition tape for [[Vanessa Hudgens]]. This content was released by [[The Miscreants]] on 16 [[April 2009]].

==Fanta: Semen Flavor==
In their conversations about love and life, Chris told [[Ivy]] that he [[recycling|recycled]] his semen to protect his fertility. He also claimed that his semen would taste ''exactly'' like what he had recently eaten. To test this hypothesis, Ivy requested a video. Naturally, Chris screws it up, drinking the Fanta only after the fact.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Fanta: Semen Flavor
| ytid = JDHuxcvJuEk
| stardate = 16 [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| Saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = [[Image:Creepyrobe.PNG]] Creepy Robe
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[A CWC Audition]]
| next = [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Spank Dat Ass|Spank Dat Ass]]
}}

{{quote|This is for my sweetest Ivy's eyes only.|How wrong he was}}

===Transcript===

''[Chris appears in his room, dressed in a green bathrobe. His hair is disheveled.''

This is for my sweetest [[Ivy]]'s eyes only.

''[Chris holds up a small disposable cup made of clear plastic. A thick, white liquid rests in a thin layer along the bottom.]''

Here's some of my, uh, [[comeuppance|cum]] I just [[mass debating|masturborted]] out.

''[He points at his own semen in the cup and brings it even closer to the camera.]''

'Bout to that much, that's usually a lot.

''[Chris holds a can of Fanta orange soda near the camera. He wears his [[Amnyfest Ring]] on his hand.]

Couldn't find any chocolate syrup, but I have some orange soda.

''[Chris cracks open the can of Fanta. He fills the bottom third of the [[Fapcup]] with soda. He swishes the soda and semen around, with an extremely disquieting smirk on his face.]''

Well... bottoms up!

''[He tilts back his head and drinks the cup of semen and Fanta.]''

There you go, Ivy, orange-flavored cum. Hope you enjoyed that!

===Screencaps===

<center><gallery>
Image:Cumguzzlingchris1.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris2.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris3.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris4.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris5.jpg
Image:Cumguzzlingchris6.jpg
</gallery></center>

* [https://archive.org/details/twocwcnudityvideos/CWC+-+Cum+Fanta.mp4/ Viewable Here (Archive.org)]

==Spank Dat Ass==
Chris is depicted spanking himself while kneeling on his filthy, [[Yellow Is a Mellow Color|yellow]]ed mattress. Ivy requested this video as punishment for his cheating on her with Vanessa, but she had not specified that he be nude.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Spank Dat Ass
| ytid = 43rXOfbX0jo
| stardate = 16 [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| Saga = {{Ivy|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = None
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Fanta: Semen Flavor|Fanta: Semen Flavor]]
| next = [[April 16 Fetish Vids#How NOT to Take a Shower|How NOT to Take a Shower]]
}}

===Transcript===
''[Chris is dressed in a green bathrobe and nothing else. He looks at the camera, kneels on his mattress and begins spanking himself. He doesn't do a very good job.]''

Oh, I'm sorry for being...

''[spanks self]''

Uh!

''[spanks self]''

Oh!

''[spanks self]''

Yeah!

''[spanks self]''

A bit harder!

''[spanks self]''

Oh, I'm sorry!

''[spanks self]''

Oh [[Ivy]], that smarts!

''[rubs ass]''

Aah.

===Screencaps===

<center><gallery>
Image:Spanking1.jpg|SMACK
Image:Spanking2.jpg|DAT
Image:Spanking3.jpg|ASS!!!!
</gallery></center>

* [http://www.mediafire.com/file/6gflv4rvk8t43pj/spanking_video.mp4/file/ Mediafire - Download Required.]

==How NOT to Take a Shower==
{{quote|C'mon, let's go do it in the bedroom!|Chris, ever classy}}

Chris dances with an imaginary woman in his [[ShowerClean|beyond unclean shower stall]]. This audition video was commissioned by Vanessa. She thought he had star quality.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Fanta: Semen Flavor
| ytid = 3_9ZdTNBKGA
| stardate = 16 [[April 2009]]
| subject = {{Sex|text}}
| Saga = [[Vanessa Hudgens|Vanessa]]
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = None
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Spank Dat Ass|Spank Dat Ass]]
| next = [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy]]
}}

===Transcript===

''[A disgusting shower stall is shown. The grout is black with mildew and there are large blotchy brown stains on the tile. Two rolls of toilet paper appear in the foreground. Suddenly, the giant fat ass of a white male enters the frame.]''

Hey Ivy! May I have this dance?

''[Christian extends his hand towards the shower, which is empty except for mold and fungus. He steps inside, and begins a naked slow dance in his shower. His body is only visible from the chest down and his body is completely shaved. His skin condition is hard to describe due to the lighting but looks unhealthy. His hands are clenched tightly, as if he [[Pedofork|is holding the hands of a small child]]. About 25 seconds in he tries to twirl, but he has a hard time turning his body around. He stumbles off-balance and catches himself against the wall. He then holds one arm up like he's twirling his imaginary dance partner. At 50 seconds in he makes a hugging motion and leans forward as if kissing his [[Troll|pretend Internet girlfriend.]]]''

Oh yeah, c'mon, let's go do it in the bedroom. Let's go Ivy. I'll help you.

''[Chris steps out of the tub and walks towards the camera, bringing his tiny, hairless, shrunken genitalia extremely close to the camera. He fumbles at the camera for a second and it shuts off.]''

===Screencaps===

<center><gallery>
Image:Plusoneshoweroffilth.jpg|DAT GROUT
Image:Assofterror.jpg|In the actual video it jiggles alarmingly.
Image:Goodbyehorses.jpg|Chris shows off his dance moves to the mold and mildew.
Image:Fallingoffbalance.jpg|Chris lightens the mood of an otherwise intensely disturbing moment by almost falling on his face.
Image:Doitinthebedroom.jpg|"Let's do it in the bedroom!"
Image:Thenightmarecontinues.jpg|HA HA HA HA HA!
</gallery></center>

* [https://archive.org/details/twocwcnudityvideos/Chris+in+the+Shower.mp4 Viewable Here (Archive.org)]

==Unfit for Collection==
This set of pictures showing Chris wearing diapers ("nappies" in the British dialect), or, as Chris calls them, [[butt garments]], was demanded by Ivy and her roommate as further punishment for his cheating. In Ivy's words, "During the photo shoot Chris decided to lick his [[medallion]] and throw a wink our way, as he wanted to 'still look good for me'."

<center>
<gallery>
Image:Ecp00063.jpg|You can actually see the [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit stains]]...
Image:HelloSpas.jpg|A bout of [[random-access humor]].
Image:Ecp00065.jpg|Lick dat medallion!
Image:Ecp00066.jpg|Wink wink.
</gallery>
</center>

{{clear}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[A CWC Audition]]|nextlink=[[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy]]|}}
{{LeakedVideos}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category: Chris-chan videos, April 2009| 2009-04-16]]
[[Category: Ivy Saga videos| 2009-04-16]]
[[Category: Videos containing nudity| 2009-04-16]]

Isabella Loretta Janke

2021-10-03T11:25:09Z

HarryHowler: /* Early interactions and Praetor */

{{infobox
|title = Isabella Loretta Janke
|image = [[Image:Bella.png]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Isabella Loretta Janke
|label2 = Date of birth
|data2 = 18 August 2001<ref name="newOP"/> (age {{Age|2001|8|18}})
|label3 = Also known as
|data3 = Bella<ref name="newOP"/> 10thanonymous<ref name="newOP"/><ref name="usernames">[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/bellas-usernames-burner-accounts.97559/ Bella's Usernames & Burner Accounts]</ref> Careless-Metal-423<ref name="newOP"/><ref name="usernames"/> Kelly Osborn<ref name="newOP"/> ILJ<ref name="newOP"/> redpilled single dad<ref name="usernames"/>
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Female
|label5 = Race
|data5 = White/Latina<ref name="latina">[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/ilj-damage-control-on-social-media.97609/post-9736144 ILJ damage control on social media]</ref>
|label6 = Nationality
|data6 = American
}}
{{Honest}}

{{quote|Were the best trolls on history.|Bella, butchering the English language more brutally than she did her own pets.<ref name="BellaThread"/>}}

{{quote|There's this idea that hell is a bottomless pit, and that’s because no matter how bad it is, some stupid son of a bitch like you could figure out a way to make it a lot worse!|{{w|Jordan B. Peterson}}, effectively summarizing Isabella's role in Christory.}}

'''Isabella Loretta Janke''' (born 18 August 2001),<ref name="newOP">[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/new-op-general-discussion-isabella-loretta-janke-bella-kelly-osborn-10anon.98702/ (New OP + General Discussion) Isabella Loretta Janke / Bella / Kelly Osborn / @10anon - Chris Troll, Animal Abuser, Discord Wannabe Cult Leader, Suicide Pusher, Crusty, Musty Ass Bitch]</ref> also known as '''Bella''', '''Kelly Osborn''', and dozens of other pseudonyms, is the sociopathic, foot fungus-ridden<ref name="SummaryThread"/> leader of a [[troll|trolling]] ring based at Texas Tech University,<ref name="BellaThread"/> best known for her participation in a leaked [[July 2021]] call in which [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] revealed that he had been having an [[incest|incestuous]] relationship with [[Barbara|his mother]]. It was later revealed that she extorted him out of significant sums of money required for Barb's care,<ref name="BellaThread">[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/isabella-loretta-janke-bella-the-chris-chan-incest-troll-and-her-clique-of-extremely-sick-people.96787/ Isabella Loretta Janke, the Chris-Chan Incest Troll, and Her Clique of Extremely Sick People]</ref> and some even suspect that she was the one who coaxed Chris into having sex with his mother in the first place, though there is no conclusive evidence for the latter as of this writing.<ref name="SummaryThread">[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/isabella-loretta-janke-summary-thread.97658 Isabella Loretta Janke Summary Thread]</ref>

Isabella is arguably the worst and most dangerous troll to have ever targeted Chris, having malicious intentions that somehow manage to overshadow [[BlueSpike|every]] [[Idea Guys|single]] [[Teen Troon Squad|previous]] [[Jacob Sockness|controversial]] troll before her. Isabella's sadistic personal life was exposed not long after [[Kiwi Farms]] doxxed her: she is known to be a white supremacist (despite being mixed race herself),<ref name="latina"/> animal abuser, and fetishist for all things unholy (including incest, snuff, bestiality, zoosadism, [[DIRTY CRAPPED BRIEFS|scat]], [[Pedofork|pedophilia]] and ''[[Anime|Naruto]]'').<ref name="SummaryThread"/> Even before meeting Chris, she was known for bullying and blackmailing other students to the point of suicide, all with the help of her cult-like circle of friends. This page is solely focused on Bella's interactions with Chris, but for more information, [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] has an article on her which goes into much deeper detail on her disturbing pastimes and abhorrent hygiene than this page likely ever will.

Isabella's reasons for trolling Chris were extremely dark. She intended to gather incriminating information from Chris and blackmail him; her intentions were most likely to either extort Chris out of large sums of money (which he simply didn't have, since he was 200 dollars in debt) or to try and use the information or get Chris to commit suicide or self-harm, which her cult was known to have done in the past.<ref name="SummaryThread"/><ref name="_phobia">[https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/ac615726-189b-4745-8a1b-3182e7f31f26-png.2433986/ Miscellaneous - Transphobia, Homophobia, More]</ref>

However, this all unravelled when the audio of the incest call was leaked. Bella and her cronies were doxxed by the [[Kiwi Farms]] almost immediately, and with Chris now [[August 2021 Arrest and Court Case|in jail]] and thus unable to be contacted or manipulated, it is unlikely that Bella will be able to take any further action. This is especially so after her aforementioned dirty laundry was dumped all over the internet, with thousands of new people learning about her horrifying exploits unrelated to Chris. Ironically enough, in trying to ruin the life of a lolcow, Isabella became a lolcow herself, and now serves as a cautionary tale to [[Weens|those seeking to make a name for themselves off of CWC.]]

==Early interactions and Praetor==
{{Incomplete}}

It is unclear exactly when Bella first met Chris. She has claimed to have met Chris in 2016 at a convention in Baltimore,<ref name="bodyguard">[https://imgur.com/a/wO3Be1N "Bodyguard" screenshots]</ref> and Kiwi Farms users have speculated that one of their first face-to-face interactions happened in 2019. However, her interest in Chris would not be sparked again until some time in early 2020, when she began watching ''[[Chris-Chan: A Comprehensive History]]''.

On 5 February 2021, as a [[Praetor]] member, Bella was likely involved with [[Taser Discussion|a plot by a Watchman to get Chris to taze himself]] in order to activate the [[Dimensional Merge]].<ref name="taser">[https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/1629324910734-png.2457250/ Taser Discord screenshots]</ref> It is unknown whether this was related to her overall plot or not.

On 15 March 2021, Bella posted that Chris had commissioned her to create an animation of his comic alter-ego transforming into his Chris-Chan Sonichu form. She also engaged in some noticeable [[A-Logging]] towards Chris, describing him as a "fat, overweight retard" and claiming that Chris "should have been killed in some freak gender reassignment surgery accident by now".<ref name="newOP"/>

==The suicide plot==

On 25 April 2020, Bella claimed in a Discord DM to want to "Get [Chris] be suicidal [...] bc he's retarded." On 19 July 2021, someone asked Bella, "I thought the plan was to get him to kill himself" to which Bella responded, "yeah but by getting others to tell him theyre jesus and they hate them and then saying "oh no those ppl are os mean :(" and then he pays me".<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/bella-janke-allegedly-planning-cwc-suicide-since-april-2020.97773/</ref>
[[File:BiggusDorkus.png|thumb|200px|An old photo of Sean Walker, Bella's second-in-command.]]

It is speculated that Bella intended to have Chris commit suicide after convincing him that this would finally complete the Dimensional Merge. Throughout the following months, ex-[[Watchman]] '''[[Sean Walker]]''' acted as Bella's second-in-command, and was a key ally in spreading disinformation to keep their activities unseen. It's almost certain that Sean was well aware of the end goal of Bella's plot, and likely even [[Carpetbaggers|planned to profit off of Chris's imminent demise]].<ref name="WCTThread>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/sean-walker-psychic-espeon-wct-wildcat-neko.97689 Sean Walker / @Psychic Espeon / Lainchu / WCT / WildCat / Neko (etc.) - Self-described "Final Protagonist of Christory", spree-killer fanboy, connected to Bellagate]</ref>

In addition to Sean, Bella rallied up many people to help her out with this plan, including other students from TTU and outsiders that had a degree of familiarity with Chris. Many of these recruits were members of distinct "Chess Club" Discord servers run by Bella. Some of them were genuinely unaware of Bella's true intentions, while others had intentions as equally as depraved as hers.

===Everfree Northwest plot===
{{Main|The Suitress}}

Another early plot, the earliest known mention of which is from 20 July 2021,<ref name="bodyguard"/> involved Bella manipulating a young woman with autism<ref name="SuitressAutism">[https://imgur.com/a/73WVmxd Snippet of an article describing the Suitress's autism diagnosis.]</ref> into having sex with Chris at the Everfree Northwest convention. She planned to film the whole ordeal, and by that method blackmail Chris.<ref name="SummaryThread"/> This woman, who will be referred to as "'''the Suitress'''" on this website for anonymity reasons, was a former moderator of the Chris-Chan subreddit who had organically formed a crush on Chris over time. Starting off as a sort of weenish fascination towards him, it is believed that, despite having been warned several times not to contact him, the Suitress began talking to Chris in 2020, to the point of begging him to reply back.<ref>[[Red vs Blue Reaction Livestreams|In Chris' Red vs. Blue Reaction Livestreams, the Suitress tried to get Chris' attention.]]</ref> At some point, but believed to be as early as July of 2021, she was able to text Chris. She was then seemingly invited into a Discord server hosted by Chris, where he introduced her to Bella. She began to converse with Bella at that point, unaware of her true intentions.
This plot would never actually come to pass, as Chris would be [[August 2021 Arrest and Court Case|jailed]] before he could actually attend the convention, and has since been banned indefinitely.<ref>[[Everfree Northwest#Blacklisted from attending|Everfree blacklists Chris]]</ref>

==The incest scandal==

{{Protip|Despite what you may have been led to believe, although she encouraged him to continue having sex with his mother when she found out about it,<ref>[[Incest#Transcript]]</ref> there is no evidence Bella was the one to convince Chris to ''start'' fucking his mother.}}

In July 2021, Bella recorded a call of her and Chris discussing Chris's incest with Barb, most likely for blackmail purposes.<ref name="BellaThread"/> Despite Chris going into [[Honest Content|graphic detail]] about the act, Bella acted nonchalant throughout, and even encouraging at times. Judging by the fact that it took until late July for this audio to be leaked by the Suitress, it is likely that Bella would have simply continued with her plan and allowed Chris to continue his behavior indefinitely. When the Suitress eventually did leak the conversation, Bella's response only further confirmed this.

In the intervening time, several of the trolls involved created a collection of fake texts in which Chris supposedly admitted to having BDSM-style sex with Barb. This was likely related to Bella's long-term plot to make Chris commit suicide in some way, but how exactly these were planned to be used had the original incest call audio not been leaked prematurely is unclear.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/how-bella-faked-the-bdsm-text-an-analysis-and-timeline.97948/ How Bella Faked the BDSM Text: An Analysis and Timeline]</ref> Bella tried to perpetuate this notion again and again on a Discord server, claiming that Chris wouldn't feed Barb unless she preformed felatio on him, and called it BDSM.

==Aftermath and damage control==

On the 30th of July, the incest phone call involving Bella was unexpectedly leaked to the public by one of her associates. Immediately, Bella tried to do everything in her power to distance herself from the now-growing drama. One of the first things she decided to do to remedy this was make several sockpuppet accounts on various platforms, ranging from the Kiwi Farms, Reddit, and 4chan, where she would claim that "tranny niggers" uploaded the call.

She also attempted to shift the blame and any consequences that may occur onto the Suitress. Alongside Sean Walker,<ref name="WCTThread/> she set her sights on one particular method. '''GiBi''', a YouTuber specializing in Chris-centric content, was [[Carpetbaggers|desperate to showcase the events of the scandal as soon as possible on his YouTube channel]], even if it meant collecting information from questionable sources such as Bella. Immediately accepting Bella's story that the entire scandal was the fault of the Suitress, GiBi went as far as to leak the Suitress's phone number in one of his videos for thousands to see. After being criticized for doxxing someone with no evidence of their guilt, GiBi took the video down three hours later.<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/20210803_042740-jpg.2406648/ Timestamp between uploads.]</ref>. He claimed that the reason the phone number was displayed was because the uploading of the video was held back by three hours, and to "allow the people discussed" - presumably referring to Bella herself - in the video to see it, in order to make sure he hadn't doxxed the wrong person.<ref name="Gibi lies about an upload delay.">[https://imgur.com/NvhnXZ9/ Gibi on an upload delay.]</ref>

GiBi decided to upload the video a second time ''without removing the Suitress' phone number,'' spreading her personal information to even more people, but deleted that video after only two minutes for "presenting only one side". GiBi had also attempted to upload the video a third time, claiming that he would fix this mistake.<ref name="GiBi's third attempt.">[https://imgur.com/a/aMtqOHq GiBi's third upload attempt.]</ref>
However, this whole charade didn't do much other than inflict unnecessary psychological harm onto the Suitress, as by that point, it had already been made abundantly clear to everyone who was paying attention that Bella was a compulsive liar and was not to be trusted.

Sean Walker also helped doctor and circulate fake messages of Chris supposedly admitting to BDSM with Barbara.<ref name="newOP/> These were almost immediately dismissed as fake by most observers, and the motive behind their release remains unknown.

==Conclusion==

Eventually, Bella herself was doxxed, not in small part due to one of Bella's own cronies, '''Louis Herz''', posting an image of Bella’s mistreated rescue dog.<ref name=“LouisThread”>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/louis-herz-ternarymercury-bellas-best-friend-and-primary-defender.97621 Louis Herz / TernaryMercury - Bella's Best Friend and Primary Defender - Femboy Bigot of the Chess Club]/</ref> After her personal information was leaked, Isabella went into desperate - albeit futile - damage control, using sockpuppet accounts on [[4Chan]], [[Reddit]], and [[Kiwi Farms]] to rant about how the info regarding her was fake, exaggerated, and/or a psyop conspiracy led by [[transgender]] puppetmasters. Unfortunately for her, this was to no avail - as of late August, there were already dedicated, active threads on Kiwi Farms for Bella and each of her cronies. With such a unique name, these threads will likely be the first things any future employers see when they google Bella's name. Ironically, Bella has become just as unemployable and infamous as Chris himself.

== See also ==
* [[Incest]]
* [[Carpetbaggers]]

== References ==
<references/>
{{People}}
{{Sagas}}
[[Category:Trolls]]

Talk:Anna McLerran

2021-09-04T08:33:33Z

HarryHowler: /* What about now? */

==To do==
*<strike>Add photos of Anna</strike> Thought there's definitely a better pic out there.
*<strike>add pictures from that birthday party</strike> They're on the page. --[[User:Rafaal|Rafaal]] 20:57, 1 September 2009 (CEST)
*<strike>Add the Crazy Pacer story where she first meets Chris</strike>
*Piping quotes

==Anna's birthday==
Based on [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/dvd/196.jpg this DVD image], Anna's b-day seems to be early August. Now we just need a day. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:12, 12 March 2009 (CET)

==Okay...==
I pulled a bunch of information on her and dumped it onto the page, I'm going to clean up the article by tomorrow...--[[User:Robotnik|Robotnik]] 22:01, 17 March 2009 (CET)

==God Damn.==
She's hot . I want her. [[User:ChainsawChandler|ChainsawChandler]] 00:16, 19 May 2009 (CEST)
*I could pull more photos if the community wants them --[[User:Robotnik|Robotnik]] 04:50, 19 May 2009 (CEST)
:Nudes plix. [[User:Fat Nigger|Fat Nigger]] 13:52, 26 July 2009 (CEST)

**MMM...boobies...-[[User:Gwonam|Gwonam]]

==Youtube and Myspace==
http://www.youtube.com/user/mickylaren

Youtube page

http://www.myspace.com/annamclerran

myspace page.

I dont know how to update the page with this.
[[User:Granola|Granola]] 13:37, 7 July 2009 (CEST)

==I love lesbians, more than anyone, so why don't lesbians love me?==
Hey, I was adding a summary to an IRC chat where Chris talks about the lesbian thing, and I'm curious - do we have any primary source on that besides Chris? The page mentions Vivian also passed on that tidbit, but where did she get it from?

I ask only because I spent years growing up Mormon (kicked the habit when I left home), and the notion of an out-of-the-closet lesbian Mormon is very, very strange. Especially if she's out, still active in the church, AND living in Utah. Like I mentioned on the IRC page, the church collectively hates gay people almost as much as Chris does. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 23:38, 25 November 2009 (CET)

It might be that Anna told Chris she was a lesbian in order to prevent Chris from sexually harrassing her as he did Megan. On the other hand Vivian's testimony to this might be proof to the contrary. --[[User:Liquidcole|Liquidcole]]
*Yeah, the prevailing opinion (and I think Anna even confessed this on the old PVCC) is that she's really not a lesbian and this is something she told Chris so he wouldn't harass her and rule out ANY possibility for a relationship in Chris's mind. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 23:55, 25 November 2009 (CET)

**I think the best thing to do is not to change the page, however. It would be best that newfags and basement dwellers think she's a dyke in order to prevent people from trying to stalk her OL and essentially being like Chris. --[[User:Liquidcole|Liquidcole]]

**I saw a post she made on a message board recently (damned if I remember how to find it again) where she talked about the difficulties of being a lesbian Mormon. I thought she was just blowing Chris off, too, until I saw that. BTW, she must have finished college years ago, does anyone know if she's still in Utah?[[User:Smokedaddy|Smokedaddy]] 16:01, 1 June 2011 (PDT)
==[[CWCki:NAR|OH SHIT, WE WERE WRONG]]==
[[User:Megaman|Megaman]] actually bothered to follow Anna's twitter and found out that [http://twitter.com/ourladyanna/status/6427862439 that was really Anna who said the stuff about Chris]. Can someone dig through the ED edits to find out when this was posted and who said this? If this was posted under Chris's account, was this something Anna told Chris and Chris posted it there verbatim, or just something she approved of?

But anyways, the undos - really, people here shouldn't be referred to as "disgusting bags of crap" even if it's Chris. People like CWCki because we're slightly less biased than ED and our language is more encyclopedic than full out bashing, yet with a tone of familiarity that makes articles enjoyable to read. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 12:56, 7 December 2009 (CET)
* Sorry about that Chief, I'll try to cut down on the insults, I'll rewrite that bit. Also, I'll look into the ED revisions. (I still think Chris a disgusting bag of crap)--[[User:Megaman|''Megaman!'' ]] [[Image:MegaManXRunning.gif]] 13:11, 7 December 2009 (CET)
**Cut down on the "ED" flavor. I hope this revision is more acceptable. Will update with research on her ED edits later. For now, I think it's important that we change the article to reflect the truth, to the best of our knowledge --[[User:Megaman|''Megaman!'' ]] [[Image:MegaManXRunning.gif]] 13:21, 7 December 2009 (CET)
**Alright, back from my terrify journey to ED. All the edits were done by the same username: [http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/User:ChadamRocket ChadamRocket]. All their edits are about Chris, attention whoring and an edit war with an ED user named [http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/User:Pollyanna Pollyanna]. Here's her [http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Special:Contributions/ChadamRocket contributions]--[[User:Megaman|''Megaman!'' ]] [[Image:MegaManXRunning.gif]] 13:33, 7 December 2009 (CET)
:::*Very good work, Megaman. Now we just need to find when she first posted that comment about Chris. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 08:57, 8 December 2009 (CET)
:::: The quote was posted on 05:52, 9 August 2008. What do you want me to do with all this information?--[[User:Megaman|''Megaman!'' ]] [[Image:MegaManXRunning.gif]] 09:20, 8 December 2009 (CET)

==Criticism==
That section needs to be reworded a bit. It's alright - more or less trying to get at "Anna defends Chris as being manipulated but Chris does all this shit on his own free will and volition" but it's not doing a very good job communicating this. Needs to be reworded and also better piping (that is, things like "own" should not link to Megan).--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:06, 8 December 2009 (CET)
* I was trying to demonstrate the many times Chris had done something strange and spontaneous without actualy listing and summarizing each one. I'll work on the re-wording. --[[User:Megaman|''Megaman!'' ]] [[Image:MegaManXRunning.gif]] 09:20, 8 December 2009 (CET)

==Chris's relationship with Anna==
I just notice there's a cursory statement about how Anna and Chris were friends, like with the birthday party thing, but no real elaboration on that. Is there any way we could perhaps muster everything Chris has said about Anna to try and piece together a narrative on the nature of their relationship? Right now, the article seems to make a passing note about Tale of the Crazy Pacer and how the two became friends but then skips into how she got involved in ED drama and the trolls. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 13:29, 19 December 2009 (CET)

==[[Asperger Syndrome|Asperger's?]]==
I found Anna's [http://www.formspring.me/AMcLerran formspring page] and when she was asked a question on if she hates autistic people, she stated that she has a form of autism herself. After reading a bit on Anna, I'm guessing Asperger's. I'm not sure if she's lying or whatever or whether we discussed this already, but I'd thought I'd share. [[User:HermanoBluth|HermanoBluth]] 04:16, 1 May 2010 (UTC)
:It's probably self-diagnosed, or she's kidding. [[User:Hamsterjelly|Hamsterjelly]] 21:35, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
:: Or could be part of this claim that she begs for attention. Which would be heavily ironic come to think of it. [[User:SerenityMoonstoner|SerenityMoonstone]] 23:41, 11 August 2010 (EST)

==Needs to be expanded==

I think this article would work better if it listed specific examples and quotes that show why Anna as an attention whore and unreliable source of information. I know this wiki is devoted to Chris, and things not directly related to him are only descr4ibed in minimal detail, but I still think this article could use more context.--[[User:Austin|Austin]] 10:41, 23 August 2010 (PDT)

== Turns out she really is gay ==

Is it worth mentioning on the page? Or should we just leave it since it's inconsequential and funnier to think she made it up to keep Chris away?

Sauces: [http://icerape.tumblr.com/post/2784133782/tell-your-parents-something-youve-been-witholding] and [http://icerape.tumblr.com/post/2774450080/gonna-tell-my-parents-the-secret-tomorrow] [[User:Arius|Arius]] 19:57, 16 January 2011 (PST)
:I dunno. She's proven to be such a bullshit factory (how many fucking blogs is she up to?) that I wonder if it isn't long past time to just ignore her. If you ask me I reckon this page could stand a good paring down. There's a lot of shit about her and only so much about her and Chris. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 20:52, 16 January 2011 (PST)

== Setting you guys straight. ==

I'm going in and editing your wiki page on me for your sake as much as for mine. I'm trying not to change too much, but I'm correcting any false or outdated information, including nonworking links. After this, seeing as how Chris and I don't talk these days, I really see no reason for anything to ever be added or changed about the page. I am a non-player. If you want to change some things back, whatever, but know that I'm not changing anything that's true or mostly true. I recommend deleting the whole ED DRAMA section and the CRITICISM/BACKLASH section as they don't really hold relevance to the CWCki.
:Honestly, I know little about this, but don't worry about changing it a lot if it's inaccurate. This isn't exactly our best-written article and the only goal this article should have is explaining how you pertain to Chris. I'll go through this article tomorrow or something and trim irrelevant details out if you don't. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 12:45, 24 February 2011 (PST)
*Personally the criticism, while obviously not flattering to you, still details a part of your involvement with Chris and how it fits into the larger troll culture, that is one of the few times it's appropriate to address metatrolling. While normally it's poor form to edit one's wiki article and you have your own personally biases, if you have something to say, you are welcome to contribute.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 13:08, 24 February 2011 (PST)

==On the Subject of Mic==
*Is Anna Mic? McLerran -> Mic. That would make sense in the context of previous Gal-Pals. Perhaps she's in contact with Chris again. [[User:Nullity|Nullity]] 20:12, 20 April 2011 (PDT)
::i don't know but it would make the line "unfortunately she REFUSES to go beyond just friends" funnier if he was saying it about a lesbian -[[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 21:02, 20 April 2011 (PDT)
** As well as the whole "She's a tomboy and told me to get in touch with my feminine side" thing.

== Dead link ==

During several automated bot runs the following external link was found to be unavailable. Please check if the link is in fact down and fix or remove it in that case!

* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWYguLerBg8
** In [[Anna McLerran]] on 2011-09-20 22:29:43, 404 Not Found
** In [[Anna McLerran]] on 2011-09-28 07:53:31, 404 Not Found

--[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 00:57, 28 September 2011 (PDT)

== Estrangement from Chris ==

A lot of articles around the wiki claim Chris has managed to alienate her, but this article doesn't mention anything beyond their argument about gay people. How true is it? I'm inclined to believe it, based on Chris's reputation for his inability to keep friends, and the fact that on the occasions I've glanced at Chris's Facebook, I've never seen any comments by Anna. Does anyone have more information on this? [[User:Lysistrata|Lysistrata]] ([[User talk:Lysistrata|talk]]) 16:33, 28 July 2014 (UTC)
:Yeah, it does seem like editors on this wiki might have blown the gay marriage spat between Chris and Anna out of proportion. Maybe it would be best to correct the articles that portray the gay marriage spat as something other than a brief incident. - [[User:NegaCWC|NegaCWC]] ([[User talk:NegaCWC|talk]]) 18:20, 28 July 2014 (UTC)

== Pregnant? ==

I don't know if its relent to Chris at all, but Anna posted at least two positive pregnancy tests on her facebook page. Anyone know if she ever had the kids, or if Chris maybe mentioned them?

--[[User:PrimeTime|PrimeTime]] ([[User talk:PrimeTime|talk]]) 22:46, 23 August 2014 (UTC)

That's pretty relevant, if Chris is still in touch with her. What are the details, though? Seeing as she's a [[Homos|lesbian]], it seems rather out of the blue. Doubt it's [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]], though. --[[User:Boomhauer|Boomhauer]] ([[User talk:Boomhauer|talk]]) 23:04, 23 August 2014 (UTC)

Here is [http://tinyurl.com/p3rd9gd one] she posted last April. I know they were still talking as of earlier this month. It could be a counter troll, but I think it deserves at least a look. It could be an interesting play on the lesbian angle since she left for Utah.
--[[User:PrimeTime|PrimeTime]] ([[User talk:PrimeTime|talk]]) 10:07, 24 August 2014 (UTC)

Those mormons. Anyways,if you do find anything, post it; I'd imagine Chris would know about it. [[Chris and his ego|Probably]]. --[[User:Boomhauer|Boomhauer]] ([[User talk:Boomhauer|talk]]) 10:50, 24 August 2014 (UTC)

== Skateboarding video ==

Found a video of Anna and skateboarding. Not sure if this can go anywhere, but it's interesting. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyaVPoDh_d4 Video] -[[User:GhostofKittyChandler|GhostofKittyChandler]] ([[User talk:GhostofKittyChandler|talk]]) 19:06, 7 August 2018 (UTC)

== What about now? ==

Anyone know what she's up to in the wake of him fucking his mom? might be worth looking into.--[[User:Blue Bully|Blue Bully]] ([[User talk:Blue Bully|talk]]) 13:26, 3 September 2021 (UTC)

:Is it relevant? When's the last time she involved herself? --[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] ([[User talk:Thepicklesuitintheman|talk]]) 03:37, 4 September 2021 (UTC)

::IIRC, the last time anyone heard from her was during the Idea Guys saga, and she reacted in a way that indicated she didn't really have much interest in Chris anymore. --[[User:HarryHowler|HarryHowler]] ([[User talk:HarryHowler|talk]]) 08:33, 4 September 2021 (UTC)

Apology Letters

2021-09-03T12:51:29Z

HarryHowler:

The '''Apology Letters''', written by Chris on 15 [[August 2014]], were leaked on the [[CWCki Forums]] on 17 [[December 2014]]. They were meant to lift bans which three locations had imposed on Chris.

In the early stages of his relationship with [[Catherine]], Chris wanted to shop with her at the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], but [[List of places that have banned Chris#Charlottesville Fashion Square|he was banned there]]. He decided to write an apology letter to the manager of the mall, as according to him, [[Chris and remorse|by apologizing]], he could get the ban lifted.

Chris also apologized to [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] and [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. It is unknown why he wrote an apology letter to Walsh, who had banned him from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. However, it does speak volumes about Chris's total failure to grow or mature as a person during the many intervening years.

Naturally, in each of these letters, he shoehorns in references to [[trolls]] causing [[stress]]. There's also a completely inappropriate reference to "intercourse" in the Fashion Square one.

Interestingly, four months after writing these letters, Chris was banned from [[GameStop]] for his [[Sonic Boom Protests|protests of ''Sonic Boom'']] (even before the [[26 December 2014|infamous pepper-spraying incident]]), proving that his claims to have learned from his mistakes and changed his behavior were lies.<ref>http://kiwifar.ms/threads/the-apology-letters.6548/#post-441140</ref>

==Fashion Square Mall Apology==
<center>
<gallery>
File:FashionSquare Redacted pt1.jpg
File:FashionSquare Redacted pt2.jpg
</gallery>
</center>
{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox|
Dearest Scott, Sir or Madame,

It has been long over Two Years since I was banned from the Mall for loud, outbursting miscondut[sic]/misbehavior, instigated from being repeatedly telephoned by Internet Trolls and Cyber-Bullies, and the stress from said bullies, Life, and Loneliness.

I most sincerely, deeply apologize for my behavior that was uncalled for then. I am truly, deeply sorry. And, as I have better matured emotionally, and mentally, I humbly request readmittance into the Charlottesville, VA Fashion Square Shopping Mall. Also, I am in an emotionally mutual true and honest relationship with a lovely woman; It is very serious, and we deeply Love (NOT to be confused with the act of intercourse) and care for each other with honesty and compassion. I do not wish to inhibit her in our Shopping together, by leaving this Ban unresolved positively.

If indeed Scott [redacted] (if my memory serves me) is reading this letter, Please Respond with your answer, in the name of True Love, in writing immediately, via paper Letter and United States Postal Service Mail.

Otherwise, if this is NOT Mr. Scott [redacted] but a new manager who replaced him in employment office, Please Respond immediately via paper Letter and United States Postal Service Mail, with the details of if the Ban is still under effect. If so, Please Unban me immediately in writing, and Respond immediately in the same paper Letter format. AND I would really most appreciate having in the SAME writing that I have your utmost assurance and reassurance that the hired Security Staff of Fashion Square will leave ME, Christian Weston Chandler, My Family, and My Love, alone, at peace, unbothered, unabused, UnEscorted, and remain at the greatest distance humanly reasonable and possible from us all at ALL times while any of us are Shopping, Walking, Hanging Out and Dining
Anywhere within the Mall itself, and its Parking Lot.

I personally Thank You Very Much, and I wish you a good and safe day.

And I Promise the misbehavior will never ever happen again.

Sincerely,

Christian Weston Chandler
}}
}}

==Wal-Mart Apology==
<center>
<gallery>
File:WalmartLetter Redacted pt1.jpg
File:WalmartLetter Redacted pt2.jpg
</gallery>
</center>
{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox|
Dearest [redacted],

It has been long over one year since the mishap that occured ''[sic]'' from my frustrated behavior from this loneliness, life stress and online bully stress. I write to you today to most sincerely apologize for my misbehavior and humbly request readmittance into the Wal-Mart establishments.

I have matured mentally for the better. The original action of defacing Microsoft's Console, followed much later after and in repsonse to having been Banned in BOTH of the Wal-Mart establishments closest to my home of residence, of informing the Internet Trolls about your action. Both of my actions were most undignified and uncalled for.

I have seen the wrongdoing of my action, and in return the upset these actions have done unto the business income of your owned/managed establishment.

I humby[sic] and most sincerely apologize from the bottom of my human heart and my soul. I am truly, very sorry. I promise none of that shall ever happen again.

And I humbly request written consent of unbanning me from Both the Wal-Marts in Ruckersville, VA and Charlottesville, VA. It is more distance and costly for me to take my daily walks at the Target. And I am in an emotionally mutual true and honest relationship with a lovely woman; It is very serious, and we deeply Love (NOT to be confused with the act of intercourse) and Care for each other with honesty and compassion. I do not wish to inhibit her, in our Shopping Together, by leaving this BAN left unresolved positively.

Please Respond with your answer, in the name of True Love, in writing immediately, via paper Letter and United States Postal Service Mail.

Thank You Very Much, and Have a good, safe day.

Sincerely,
Christian Weston Chandler
}}
}}

==Mary Lee Walsh Apology==
<center>
<gallery>
File:MLWalsh1.jpg
File:MLWalsh2.jpg
File:MLWalsh3.jpg
File:MLWalsh4.jpg
</gallery>
</center>
{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox|
Dearest Mary,

It has been Years since I have attempted to apologize for having portraied[sic] you as a witch character within the pages of my hand-drawn and written comicbooks. I assure you now that the name of the character HAS been changed and edited Years beforehand, and in nowhere, shape or forme[sic], have I, or anyone I know even remotely, made any sales of anything containing the character, Original or Present Name, whatsoever. My family and I are currently just getting by financially; any lower we would be positively poor.

I have personally arrived on campus to personally hand deliver a lovely, framed original master Apology Drawing, and a written (or typed, I am not certain) letter explaining the piece and situation. I left these items with your secretary. A few days later, I find a pink slip of Trespassing, improperly left within the crack of my house's front door. My mother and father appealed the notice on my behalf.

I remind you the circumstances leading up to the creation of the witch character was from your deeds of misunder-standing. In 2003, after I had turned 21 years of age, I had realized that I was at a time of my life where I felt requirement of a woman partner to become my honet[sic] to goodness Sweetheart, Girlfriend, and Future Wife, FROM the ground-up with honest FRIENDSHIP. Paranoid As I Was, And Very Shy from my own Life's Curse of AUTISM, I was most unable to initiate Conversation, much Less a Greeting, to ANYONE! And I felt sincere requirement of a Sign, "18-##-Year Old Single Female to be a SWEETHEART from the ground-up." And from the popular, later fully understood, MISCONCEPTION of my Humble, Honest Sweetheart Search, to be of unpure, tainted Solicitation For Sexual Pleasures, which was Truly Never the Case, you had intruded on my Sweetheart Search and Destroyed my Sign. I have perceived this as a most Villanous[sic] Act against True Love, not unlike the villains of the "Sailor Moon" Anime. And therefore, I have perceived YOU to be a Witch Leader, making it obvious to me that True Love was apparently most ILLEGAL in the state of Virginia.

Therefore, had your actions never take[sic] place, I would have never drawn you as a Witch Character; You would have never been made quite the spectacle among the Internet Trolls and Cyber-Bullies, and most importantly, I would have been more in my own inner peace, as it was then; You would have had Less Stress on your own life, Free of the Trolls and Bullies that have bothered, tortured, blackmailed, deceived, and still haunting me since November 2007; and PVCC would have been a Lot Better Off unrenamed the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens.

All that aside, I once again write to you, apologizing most sincerely for ever having drawn you as a Witch. I am sincerely, truly, deepestly[sic] sorry for ruining both of our individual lives by drawing you as a witch.

I have more matured emotionally and mentally, and in regards of the Pink Slip Trespassing Notice and everything, I humbly request to be NOT Banned from Piedmont Virginia Community College, and to be forgiven in writing for my graphical misconduct. I wish to be able to have the liberty once again, to attend on-campus events, and to attend classes, and for my family, present and future, to be able to attend on-campus events and classes as well.

And, simply put, I[sic] really is Miserable to be BANNED FROM ANYWHERE, PERIOD.

I sincerely apologize if the contents of this letter has offended you in any matter; I simply wish to finally resolve this issue positively, and with little to no offense in any matter.

Please respond simple and put in US Mail paper Letter. I do not want to desire any difficulties or problems or dilemmas. Just a simple written answer will most suffice.

Thank You Very Much for your time, and have a good and safe day.

Sincerely,
Christian W. Chandler
}}
}}

==See also==
*[[List of places that have banned Chris]]
*[[Unban contracts]] - Chris's 2016 attempt to convince GameStop and Best Buy to unban him.

==References==
<references/>

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Leaked images‏‎]]
[[Category:Catherine Saga]]

Apology Letters

2021-09-03T12:51:19Z

HarryHowler: Target never banned him over his Sonic Boom protests, IIRC

The '''Apology Letters''', written by Chris on 15 [[August 2014]], were leaked on the [[CWCki Forums]] on 17 [[December 2014]]. They were meant to lift bans which three locations had imposed on Chris.

In the early stages of his relationship with [[Catherine]], Chris wanted to shop with her at the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], but [[List of places that have banned Chris#Charlottesville Fashion Square|he was banned there]]. He decided to write an apology letter to the manager of the mall, as according to him, [[Chris and remorse|by apologizing]], he could get the ban lifted.

Chris also apologized to [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] and [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. It is unknown why he wrote an apology letter to Walsh, who had banned him from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. However, it does speak volumes about Chris's total failure to grow or mature as a person during the many intervening years.

Naturally, in each of these letters, he shoehorns in references to [[trolls]] causing [[stress]]. There's also a completely inappropriate reference to "intercourse" in the Fashion Square one.

Interestingly, four months after writing these letters, Chris was banned from [[GameStop]] for his [[Sonic Boom Protests|protests of ''Sonic Boom'']] (even before the [[26 December 2014|infamous pepper-spraying incident), proving that his claims to have learned from his mistakes and changed his behavior were lies.<ref>http://kiwifar.ms/threads/the-apology-letters.6548/#post-441140</ref>

==Fashion Square Mall Apology==
<center>
<gallery>
File:FashionSquare Redacted pt1.jpg
File:FashionSquare Redacted pt2.jpg
</gallery>
</center>
{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox|
Dearest Scott, Sir or Madame,

It has been long over Two Years since I was banned from the Mall for loud, outbursting miscondut[sic]/misbehavior, instigated from being repeatedly telephoned by Internet Trolls and Cyber-Bullies, and the stress from said bullies, Life, and Loneliness.

I most sincerely, deeply apologize for my behavior that was uncalled for then. I am truly, deeply sorry. And, as I have better matured emotionally, and mentally, I humbly request readmittance into the Charlottesville, VA Fashion Square Shopping Mall. Also, I am in an emotionally mutual true and honest relationship with a lovely woman; It is very serious, and we deeply Love (NOT to be confused with the act of intercourse) and care for each other with honesty and compassion. I do not wish to inhibit her in our Shopping together, by leaving this Ban unresolved positively.

If indeed Scott [redacted] (if my memory serves me) is reading this letter, Please Respond with your answer, in the name of True Love, in writing immediately, via paper Letter and United States Postal Service Mail.

Otherwise, if this is NOT Mr. Scott [redacted] but a new manager who replaced him in employment office, Please Respond immediately via paper Letter and United States Postal Service Mail, with the details of if the Ban is still under effect. If so, Please Unban me immediately in writing, and Respond immediately in the same paper Letter format. AND I would really most appreciate having in the SAME writing that I have your utmost assurance and reassurance that the hired Security Staff of Fashion Square will leave ME, Christian Weston Chandler, My Family, and My Love, alone, at peace, unbothered, unabused, UnEscorted, and remain at the greatest distance humanly reasonable and possible from us all at ALL times while any of us are Shopping, Walking, Hanging Out and Dining
Anywhere within the Mall itself, and its Parking Lot.

I personally Thank You Very Much, and I wish you a good and safe day.

And I Promise the misbehavior will never ever happen again.

Sincerely,

Christian Weston Chandler
}}
}}

==Wal-Mart Apology==
<center>
<gallery>
File:WalmartLetter Redacted pt1.jpg
File:WalmartLetter Redacted pt2.jpg
</gallery>
</center>
{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox|
Dearest [redacted],

It has been long over one year since the mishap that occured ''[sic]'' from my frustrated behavior from this loneliness, life stress and online bully stress. I write to you today to most sincerely apologize for my misbehavior and humbly request readmittance into the Wal-Mart establishments.

I have matured mentally for the better. The original action of defacing Microsoft's Console, followed much later after and in repsonse to having been Banned in BOTH of the Wal-Mart establishments closest to my home of residence, of informing the Internet Trolls about your action. Both of my actions were most undignified and uncalled for.

I have seen the wrongdoing of my action, and in return the upset these actions have done unto the business income of your owned/managed establishment.

I humby[sic] and most sincerely apologize from the bottom of my human heart and my soul. I am truly, very sorry. I promise none of that shall ever happen again.

And I humbly request written consent of unbanning me from Both the Wal-Marts in Ruckersville, VA and Charlottesville, VA. It is more distance and costly for me to take my daily walks at the Target. And I am in an emotionally mutual true and honest relationship with a lovely woman; It is very serious, and we deeply Love (NOT to be confused with the act of intercourse) and Care for each other with honesty and compassion. I do not wish to inhibit her, in our Shopping Together, by leaving this BAN left unresolved positively.

Please Respond with your answer, in the name of True Love, in writing immediately, via paper Letter and United States Postal Service Mail.

Thank You Very Much, and Have a good, safe day.

Sincerely,
Christian Weston Chandler
}}
}}

==Mary Lee Walsh Apology==
<center>
<gallery>
File:MLWalsh1.jpg
File:MLWalsh2.jpg
File:MLWalsh3.jpg
File:MLWalsh4.jpg
</gallery>
</center>
{{collapsible|Transcription|{{quotebox|
Dearest Mary,

It has been Years since I have attempted to apologize for having portraied[sic] you as a witch character within the pages of my hand-drawn and written comicbooks. I assure you now that the name of the character HAS been changed and edited Years beforehand, and in nowhere, shape or forme[sic], have I, or anyone I know even remotely, made any sales of anything containing the character, Original or Present Name, whatsoever. My family and I are currently just getting by financially; any lower we would be positively poor.

I have personally arrived on campus to personally hand deliver a lovely, framed original master Apology Drawing, and a written (or typed, I am not certain) letter explaining the piece and situation. I left these items with your secretary. A few days later, I find a pink slip of Trespassing, improperly left within the crack of my house's front door. My mother and father appealed the notice on my behalf.

I remind you the circumstances leading up to the creation of the witch character was from your deeds of misunder-standing. In 2003, after I had turned 21 years of age, I had realized that I was at a time of my life where I felt requirement of a woman partner to become my honet[sic] to goodness Sweetheart, Girlfriend, and Future Wife, FROM the ground-up with honest FRIENDSHIP. Paranoid As I Was, And Very Shy from my own Life's Curse of AUTISM, I was most unable to initiate Conversation, much Less a Greeting, to ANYONE! And I felt sincere requirement of a Sign, "18-##-Year Old Single Female to be a SWEETHEART from the ground-up." And from the popular, later fully understood, MISCONCEPTION of my Humble, Honest Sweetheart Search, to be of unpure, tainted Solicitation For Sexual Pleasures, which was Truly Never the Case, you had intruded on my Sweetheart Search and Destroyed my Sign. I have perceived this as a most Villanous[sic] Act against True Love, not unlike the villains of the "Sailor Moon" Anime. And therefore, I have perceived YOU to be a Witch Leader, making it obvious to me that True Love was apparently most ILLEGAL in the state of Virginia.

Therefore, had your actions never take[sic] place, I would have never drawn you as a Witch Character; You would have never been made quite the spectacle among the Internet Trolls and Cyber-Bullies, and most importantly, I would have been more in my own inner peace, as it was then; You would have had Less Stress on your own life, Free of the Trolls and Bullies that have bothered, tortured, blackmailed, deceived, and still haunting me since November 2007; and PVCC would have been a Lot Better Off unrenamed the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens.

All that aside, I once again write to you, apologizing most sincerely for ever having drawn you as a Witch. I am sincerely, truly, deepestly[sic] sorry for ruining both of our individual lives by drawing you as a witch.

I have more matured emotionally and mentally, and in regards of the Pink Slip Trespassing Notice and everything, I humbly request to be NOT Banned from Piedmont Virginia Community College, and to be forgiven in writing for my graphical misconduct. I wish to be able to have the liberty once again, to attend on-campus events, and to attend classes, and for my family, present and future, to be able to attend on-campus events and classes as well.

And, simply put, I[sic] really is Miserable to be BANNED FROM ANYWHERE, PERIOD.

I sincerely apologize if the contents of this letter has offended you in any matter; I simply wish to finally resolve this issue positively, and with little to no offense in any matter.

Please respond simple and put in US Mail paper Letter. I do not want to desire any difficulties or problems or dilemmas. Just a simple written answer will most suffice.

Thank You Very Much for your time, and have a good and safe day.

Sincerely,
Christian W. Chandler
}}
}}

==See also==
*[[List of places that have banned Chris]]
*[[Unban contracts]] - Chris's 2016 attempt to convince GameStop and Best Buy to unban him.

==References==
<references/>

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Leaked images‏‎]]
[[Category:Catherine Saga]]

CWC's Second Message

2021-08-30T21:55:55Z

HarryHowler:

{{Quote|Citizens of the [[Chris and the Internet|internet]]'': I present an open message to each and every one of you.|And so it begins...}}

'''CWC's Second Message''' (a.k.a. '''Madman Rising''') is the [[video]] that introduced [[the internet]] to the world of [[Chris]]. It was posted to [[YouTube]] on 3 [[August 2008]].

After months of trying to either ignore or edit his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page, Chris [[Chris and anger|explodes with fury]]. He blames ED for causing his fallout with [[Megan Schroeder]], although anyone with a brain could tell that it was his fault for drawing [[She Came for CWC|pornography involving her]] and sharing it to the world. Ironically, in trying to blame ED for the demise of his friendship with her, Chris unwittingly subjects Megan to further public humiliation by revealing that she is the subject of the pornographic drawing in question, rather than Chris's fictional sister [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], who most trolls had until this point believed to be the woman in the drawing. Chris also begins threatening to withhold the release of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] and all further comics unless the ED page is removed. Naturally, [[trolls]] were terrified that they would never see the conclusion to the absorbing story that Chris had created, and rushed to meet his demands.

This is a beloved classic in the CWChronology, and it was in this video that Chris unintentionally coined the term "[[pedofork]]". It is also one of the most prominent examples of Chris's use of the CWC-isms 'Dykes' and 'China' to refer to his alleged heterosexuality.

Throughout the video there are several noticeable skips and jump cuts; it's unclear whether these are a result of technical issues, or whether Chris edited down the video from something longer.

==Video==
{{Tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC's Second Message
| video = {{#ev:youtube|kPQlpGFWNgE}}
| stardate = 3 [[August 2008]]
| subject = {{Rumors|text}}, {{Homos|text}}, {{Comics|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Reason|text}}, {{Tragedy|text}}
| saga = {{ED|text}}
| shirt = {{RedShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]
| next = [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)]]
}}

===Transcript===
''Citizens of the Internet'': I present an open message to each and every one of you.

[[Chris and his ego|Y'all should know me by now]], but, if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, ''the'' original creator of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], back on March 17th, [[2000]]. Any dates earlier are void. I present this open message because...I have a whole bunch of people on the Internet [''removes [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]] dramatically''] give me hate...show me a lot of hate...and I do not appreciate it. Ticks me off.

You think you can just...hate me just to get a laugh out of yourself. Think about it. [[Twin Falling Towers|You're laughing at somebody else's pain and torture]], because I am lonesome, still trying to find a [[boyfriend-free girl]] and to make into a [[sweetheart]]. Y'all think I'm just a sap, a chump, dumbass, whatever you may think. But you know what? You. ''You!'' Every last one of you, who has shispressed hate against me? ''You're'' the shitheads!

[[Image:Herbert (Family Guy).JPG|thumb|Chris at age 70, if his cholesterol would allow him to live that long]]

Also, every last one of you who thinks that I am similar to that... Of that senile old man in ''[[Family Guy]]''... ''You're'' the pedophiles. Every one of you who thinks I'm [[homo]] and calls me that—-because I am not; I'm ''straight''! I'm '''''straight!''''' ''You’re'' the homos! Every last one of you!

I could--I could take the whole time to express so much ''anger'' and frustration. I'm only nearsighted; I do wear glasses. [''replaces glasses on face''] Take it or leave it, losers! [''removes glasses dramatically, again''] It m--it helps me see better...see more detail...and more clear vision than any of you knuckleheads can put together...out of your own ego that you so richly...[''begins awkwardly tapping PS3 controller''] consume of.

But...on a more serious note: learning recently of the false--or real--literature, with downloaded...''copies'' of my comic pages and whatnot. It has been either distributed or created ''without'' my consent or approval. So...it ''is'' a fake...and if it ever is published, or if it ever shows profit, let it weigh on your consciousness throughout your eternal life...that you are torturing and--worse off--tearing the heart, and soul, and emotions of the innocent man. The out--the innocent--still 26-year-old [''slams arms down on chair’s arms''] ''virgin''. Not only that, but I have so many lonely nights and stress...that you can not just imagine it!

Now, as for the other serious note: of any new stuff officially made by me, under my own...hands...''not'' by anybody else's, which are considered ''false''. I just have not been feeling the inspiration to draw! To color! Because the loneliness...I cannot stand that. The hatred I'm getting from every last one of you who has contributed to that Encyclopedia Dramatica webpage...and every other forum, internet document, lewdly-drawn pictures with...''dicks''. I love ''dykes! DYKES!'' '''''[[CHINA]]!''''' [''jump cut''] I'm ''straight!'' If I ever--if I see a dick, [[Dick Licker; that is I|I just look away, with a moment of being freaked out!]] [''makes arm gesture for “safe!”'']

[[Image:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|thumb|left|"She has come for me"]]

''And'' e-mailing me pictures is not gonna get any of you any further conclusion to "Will [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] get out of [[Dark Mirror Hole|the mirror]]?", "Will the 7 [[Sonichu Balls]] be collected?", "Will I ''ever'' find my [[sweetheart]]?" ''And'' am I--am I or [[Megan Schroeder]] still an item--" which by the way, she broke up with me so much long ti--so much long ago because...the contributors to that ED page...you broke the emotional stre--strength between us. You promoted such twists and turns to everything I have said [''begins tapping PS3 controller against his hand to count the offenses''] and drawn and written and ''whatnot''...you broke up the best friendship, the best relationship, the ''closest'' I could ever have in this ''pitiful adult life!'' ''You'' did it! Every last one of you! If I could blame myself, I would definitely blame myself for drawing [[Rule 34|those ''5'' pictures]]! Those 5 drawings! And, by the way, that is not ''Crystal'' whose eyes are censored; [''covers eyes with one hand momentarily''] that is ''Megan!'' And just for--and just for--for...taking it up,and--twisting it around and such!

Think about it. ''Think about it!'' Weigh it on your conscience! Because nothing--no more official Sonichu...art or work may...or may not...ever emerge...depending...on the amount of hate that is decreased! That web page: ''taken off the Internet''! I wish I'd never found that piece of ''SHIT''...in the first place, back on that [[Halloween]] of [[2007|’07]], somewhere around there. And promoting the hatred, and...drawing such loose--such ''lucrid'' mockeries...is ''not'' gonna further the story plot or have anything new created, or even gonna help in any way...as I am telling you this, right into my [[PlayStation Eye]]!

[[Image:Chris chan by B Comes B-459.png|thumb|Mmmm, China!]]

[''sighs deeply''] If I ever do find the one that is to be my sweetheart, I will...give her such care, such tenderness, such love...we get around to the [[hanky-panky]], that's fine, that's good...we get married. I will have my God--create--my [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|God-called daughter]]! She will be taken care of...lovingly. Those of you mock me otherwise, with such ''frivolous, lucrid adultery''...if I ever hear another--any more new stuff, it will weigh on your conscience, with me ''tearing at your souls''...emotionally! Let ''that'' weigh on your conscience, for those of you who have already done so or are thinking about doing it!

I am not a [[pedofork]], you '''DORKS!'''

[''sighs''] I tell ya...so much anger, so much stress...it's hard to see straight. Let that, the result of all that you have contributed against me, weigh heavily like a 10,000-pound anvil! "[[wikipedia:Sixteen Tons|Sixteen tons]], whadd'ya get? Another day older and deeper in debt!" [''pronounces the b in "debt"'']

[[Chris and religion|If I was not a baptized man]] over at the [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|Methodist church]] by the [[University of Virginia]], I'd tell every last one of you that contributed to the hatred and downpour, "Go to hell." But I can--but I would not even weigh that upon my worst enemy, because that--because [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|I am]] [[26 December 2014|more]] [[28 October 2011|kind]] [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|than]] [[Sonic Boom Protests|ya]] [[Death threats|think]]. Y'all just do not see that; y'all just twist my words around. [''clears throat''] I do not wish to see any more hatrey, or adult mockery, and I want that Encyclopedia Dramatica page taken down for''ev''er. It will weigh heavily on your conscience each day that it is ''still'' up there.

[''replaces glasses on face''] I leave you with any other thoughts that you ''may'' have. But if you ''dare'' twist ''these'' words around, that will weigh ''worse'' on your conscience. The words that ''I'' provide...from sound mind and ''heart''...it will weigh heavily on you.

[[Obesity|It will weigh ''heavily'' on you.]] {{clear}}

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC - "Dykes Dykes China" (Adapted Music Video)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|IdV5BUk9-vo}}
| stardate = 13 July 2009
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXfiwjz5uR0LzSt0Ww3rehA theimperiousdorkblog]
| type = Music video [[parody]] of Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby"
}}

==See also==
*[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]|nextlink=[[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2008-08-03]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2008| 03]]
[[Category:ED Saga videos| 2008-08-03]]
[[Category:Videos about homos| 2008-08-03]]

Sonic Boom Protests

2021-08-30T12:58:23Z

HarryHowler:

:''For the song, see [[SingStar Challenge Round 1]].''
{{quote|Now, most of us, we recognize this is a bad game for many reasons. The camera's awful, the characters never shut up, the gameplay is horrific, it's just a bad game. But no, this is not Chris-Chan's problem with Sonic Boom. Chris-Chan's problem with Sonic Boom is that they changed Sonic's arm color from white to blue.|[[WTFIWWY Segment|Nash]] summarizes Chris's protests for the uninitiated.}}
[[File:ChrisSonicBoomArms.jpg|thumb|Remember kids: always affect change through vandalism. [[26 December 2014|What could possibly go wrong?]]]]
[[File:PROTESTING SANIC BUM.jpg|thumb|Chris's protest inserts.]]

Towards late [[2014]], while everyone else was posting on [[Facebook]] about less important political concerns, [[Chris]] decided that the most important cause of the time was protesting [[Sega]]'s decision to '''make [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]]'s arms blue''' (as opposed to the usual tan color) in '''''Sonic Boom''''', their latest ''non-canon'' game in the series. Chris was so passionate about this supposed defamation of his favorite video game character that he went so far as to write incoherent, rambling letters to Sega, throw tantrums about it on Facebook, [[Death threats|threaten the lives]] of Sega employees, glitterbomb Sega's American HQ, and even physically assault retail staff. His angry, incoherent letters to Sega clearly show that Chris's [[Chris and reality|prolonged estrangement from reality]] could reach new heights, and that concepts such as civility, moderation and channeling [[Chris and anger|anger]] in any way that doesn't involve ranting like a child throwing a tantrum are by now completely alien concepts to Chris, or at least go out the window whenever he's annoyed. Unfortunately, unlike previous bouts of anger where Chris would film himself or take to social media to rage at his target, in this instance, he decided to take a hands-on approach to it by vandalizing copies of ''Sonic Boom'' wherever he saw them. When GameStop employees rightfully tried to make him leave the store, he agreed to walk out, but only after [[26 December 2014|brandishing his can of mace and spraying it at one poor employee's shirt]].

At first, it was unclear whether Chris would boycott ''Sonic Boom'' or just buy the games and watch the show like the [[Chris and brand loyalty|consumerist lemming]] he is. Given his irrational hatred and acts of vandalism towards otherwise available games, the former seemed more likely. On 13 [[January 2015]], it was [[Kiwi Farms|revealed]] that he owned copies of the games. Chris said that they were sent to him by [[Catherine]].

Why Chris has such a bizarre distaste for such a minor, insignificant detail in the first place is still up for speculation. It could simply be some [[Autism|overly-attached]] [[Manchester High School|nostalgia]] to the 'original' Sonic the Hedgehog, or possibly some inner-venting for his own [[Sonichu (comic)|failed franchise]] that he is determined to get into ''Super Smash Bros. for Wii U and [[Nintendo]] [[3DS]]''. Whatever the reason, [[Chris and mental healthcare|it certainly isn't healthy for Chris, given his current state]]. In other words, this makes the superficial reactions to Godzilla supposedly getting "[[Obesity|fatter]]" in the 2014 movie, or the new designs for the lightsabers in ''[[Star Wars]]: The Force Awakens'', seem simple and quaint in comparison. At least he isn't complaining about Sonic's green eyes?

==Protests==
===Blarms Backstory===
Chris's hatred for Sonic's blue arms started in February 2014, when the first advertisements for the ''Sonic Boom'' TV show appeared on [[Adult Swim|Cartoon Network]]. In December he offered the following chronology:

{{quotebox|3 December 2014

I have just received a question from one of my girl friends: "So, I'm curious, where did you hear about this blue-armed Sonic Issue? Is it something you discovered on your own, or is it a bigger issue in the Sonic community?"

To best answer this question, and to VERY MUCH my visual dismay and further recollection: I HAVE been feeling this SINCE Last February. I needed to search for the ONE Announcement Trailer Video of the DAMN TV Show. I Remember finding it for myself on either Facebook through SEGA's feed, or on YouTube through the video recommendations, on my laptop, as we were moving into the temporary house. I felt UTTER Shock at the sight of the Blue Arms on Sonic immediately as I watched it for the first time that day in Early February, 2014; This Year.

I was too busy and [[Stress|stressed]] from collecting as much as possible from the burnt house, and bringing them either to our Storage Unit, and this house's basement

I had not thought about the issue much, UNTIL Last June or July with the E3 Trailers being presented on the SEGA and Sonic Facebook Pages! Since Then, I have continuously protested the Blue Arms by commenting and messaging them that "Sonic's Arms are NOT Blue!!!" And among which, I have Warned Them that this sort of thing would NOT end well for them, and it was, and still is, a Very Bad Idea!!!

So, in short: I watched the damn trailer last February, I felt Pissed Off Then, I relearned about it last June or July: I Still felt Very Pissed Off, and NOW I am continually Growing and GROWING More Angry and PISSED OFF AT SEGA, NINTENDO AND CARTOON NETWORK AND EVERYONE ELSE INVOLVED THERE!!!

I have Contacted SEGA and Commented NUMEROUSLY with MONTHS worth of time. They ignored me, Not Responded or Done Anything about it at all, and therefore the time for Talk IS LONG DONE AND OVERWITH!!! AND WE NEED ACTION UPON SEGA AND SONIC BOOM NOW MORE THAN EVER!!!

Thank you.

<nowiki>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_A3e2bl334</nowiki>}}

For all the agitation and violence, Chris has never clearly explained exactly ''why'' this particular alteration to this particular cartoon character makes him so furious. The closest he came to explaining his confrontational stance was in a June Facebook post:

{{quote|I only just heard and seen the ugly change a few weeks ago, and I had too many other [[Stress|stresses]] going on to act earlier.

Why do I feel this way?

The same reason why many people feel [[Chris and race|Michael Jackson should]][[Chris and reality| not have had to ]][[Chris and race|change his color]]. Would you want to change your skin detail, just for a "change of image" or an "insecurity of self-concept"?

I would not even [[Chris and death|commit suicide ever]], because of how low in self-confidence and self-esteem I have been feeling for YEARS. I'm going to eventually [[Chris and health|pass natural]].

So let's get Sonic's arm color changed back!}}

[[File:001-Christophers1stSonic.jpg|thumb|220px|Chris must ''really'' hate this drawing now.]]

He returned to the Michael Jackson analogy in November, arguing that "this Blue Arm Travesty is as Gosh Awful as Michael Jackson's whiteface thing!" He was careful to add, "Nothing personal against the Pop Star singer....And nothing personal against anyone of any Race or Color either."

While it is difficult to decipher Chris’s garbled sentences, it is clear that his fury is linked to his belief that Sonic, like all cartoon characters, [[Chris and reality|is real and lives in a parallel universe]]. Like many autistic people, Chris is very resistant to change, especially when it is forced upon him. Chris would not change (“commit suicide”) even in the face of tremendous hardship. Sonic, however, was forced to change for trivial reasons such as appealing to a broader audience. Sonic has been Chris’s lifelong hero with whom he identifies strongly, so he has taken this injustice very personally. Unfortunately, he falsely assumes that countless millions feel the same way.

At other times, however, Chris has latched onto the idea that the blue arms cause him "sensory overload." [[Sensory Overload|Sensory overload]] is a broad term simply meaning that the body reacts to overstimulation of a sense, but in autistics it generally refers to an abstract, specific sensory stimulus (such as blue arms) which the autistic person is simply unable to stand. However, if sensory overload were a real issue, all he would need to do is avoid Sonic Boom. Chris has never before complained about sensory overload, and damningly has gone so far as to ''draw blue-armed hedgehogs himself'' such as [[Chris and art|some depictions]] of [[Bubbles Rosechu]]. The truth is that Chris either believes that Sega is abusing his best friend, or he is using his [[autism]] as an attempt to [[chris_and_the_industry|manipulate the intentions of a multi-billion dollar worth company.]]

===Oh Noes, It's Got a Second Season!===
After discovering that the TV series was renewed for a second season, Chris posted on Facebook to complain about it again.

{{quotebox|5 December 2014

A Second Season of the ‪#‎SonicBoom‬ show with those, [[Stress sigh|UGH!!!]], Blue Arms?!!! Hell No!!!

Boycott ‪#‎CartoonNetwork‬ With Me!!! Refuse to Watch the channel!!! Refuse to go to their Website for Any Reason as well!!! And TELL THEM TO PULL THE DAMN CARTOON FROM THE AIR AND FORCE ‪#‎SEGA‬ TO RECOLOUR SONIC'S ARMS BACK IMMEDIATELY!!!

http://www.gamnesia.com/news/sonic-boom-cartoon-is-very-successful-second-season-confirmed

[[File:GamenesiaSonicBoom.jpg|220px]]}}

===Spreading the Good Word===
{{quotebox|5 December 2014

Also, Spreading the good word around; commenting and messaging others as I have? Copy/Paste the following short-but-direct message, with the link below:

SONIC'S ARMS ARE NOT BLUE, AND THEY SERIOUSLY CAUSE SENSORY OVERLOADS IN ME!!! SEGA NEEDS TO RECALL EVERYTHING SONIC BOOM AND CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!!

FOLLOW ME IN BOYCOTTING SONIC BOOM, UNTIL SEGA WISES UP, RECALLS EVERYTHING AND CHANGES HIS ARM COLOUR BACK, NOW!!!

Join My Group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]], and Sign Our Petition NOW!!!

https://www.facebook.com/groups/fixSonicsArmsImmediatelySEGA/}}

===Greatest Mistake Ever===
{{quotebox|7 December 2014

Follow My Lead to Force SEGA to Wise Up and Fix Their Greatest Mistake Ever!!!}}

Chris later on posted a link to this post to his Facebook group:

{{quotebox|
EVERYONE! I am going to hand-write to SEGA about this matter, and I have just called their 1-800 number and left a message last night. I will call again middle of this coming week if they do not call me back.

I am urging everyone in the group to write and/or telephone SEGA as well, and INSIST and DEMAND upon them to Recall Everything Sonic Boom, including the cartoon and video games, and Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately!!!

Suggest for them to do the following:
-Recall ALL remaining stock of the Sonic Boom Games and Merchandise from ALL of the stores carrying them.
-On the eSHOPS, IMMEDIATELY change the initial software to reflect Sonic with his original Tan Colour Arms, as well ALL video and imagery therein on there.
-Replace ALL of their imagery and videos on their official websites and pages to reflect Sonic with the original tan colour arms as well.
-IMMEDIATELY create NEW game Cards, Discs AND Inserts with Sonic's original tan colour arms. And on the software, the arm colour MUST be there INITIALLY; BEFORE any downloaded Software Updates.
-INSTILL downloadable Software Updates for all of the already sold games to reflect Sonic Initially with tan colour arms as well.
-REMOVE the Sonic Boom Cartoon from the Television and Internet airwaves, and change ALL of the Season One Episodes for Sonic to have his Original Tan Colour Arms, and Initially make that default in ALL following Seasons of episodes, including the Second Season.
-AND They Must Announce this Recall and Update, As well as Apologies to Every Individual Person who Has Found Little to GREATEST Offense in the new Arm Colour, IMMEDIATELY, WORLDWIDE BROADCAST AND IN PRINTED MAGAZINES AND NEWSPAPERS EVERYWHERE!!!

Also, copy and paste the following true statement in your letters and telephone conversations:

"The very sight of Sonic's Blue Arms makes our ally, Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, VA, suffer from consistent Sensory Overloads. Upon seeing them, his brain immediately shuts down into a momentary to lengthy (depending on how long he is forced to displeasingly endure the horrific sight) state of mental paralysis. Combined with his Autism, he only gets more angry as each day passes with this pair of blue arms still remains. Either the Change back to him having tan colored arms happens IMMEDIATELY, or he and our THOUSANDS to MILLIONS of allies in the Sonic the Hedgehog Loyal Fanbase will only get more Angry and Outraged to the point of coming right over there to your office and doing something Very Bad there."

Also, if somehow you have managed to receive a copy of either Sonic Boom game (no questions asked), you should SMASH the Game Disc and or Game Card, and enclose the pieces with your Letter to SEGA of America. To show them that we are Very Serious and Passionate towards Rectifying their mistake in changing Sonic's arm colour.

Below is their address, and Customer Support phone number; LET'S GIVE THEM HELL AND BACK IN FORCING THEM TO WISE UP AND CHANGE SONIC'S ARMS BACK IMMEDIATELY!!!

'''[REDACTED]'''

‪#‎SEGA‬
‪#‎SonicTheHedgehog‬
‪#‎SonicBoom‬
‪#‎Nintendo‬
‪#‎CartoonNetwork‬
‪#‎GameStop‬
‪#‎ToysRUs‬
‪#‎WalMart‬
‪#‎Target‬
‪#‎BestBuy‬
‪#‎WiiU‬
‪#‎Wii‬
‪#‎3DS‬
‪#‎DS‬
‪#‎DSi‬
‪#‎AmyRose‬
‪#‎Tails‬
‪#‎Knuckles‬
‪#‎Robotnik‬
‪#‎Eggman‬}}

===Pickle Joke===
[[File:Black man in pickle suit (1).jpg|thumb|right|The [[Man in the Pickle Suit]]'s reaction.]]
In Chris's new "FIX SONIC'S ARMS BACK" Facebook group, Chris posted about the pickle joke in the show, surprisingly being "neutral"
about it. Naturally, however, he eventually suspects it to be a [[Chris and his Ego|personal insult from SEGA]].
{{quotebox|10 December 2014

I know well I said not to talk about the show much, or post any spoilers. This time, though, I am willing to make this exception.

I have heard that in the show, Sonic ordered a sandwich with no pickles, but is served the sandwich with extra pickles. I feel neutral/indifferent about the joke. But my friend read a bit into it as a possible reference to myself, as well as a possible middle finger gesture to me from SEGA. Being Serious and Sincere, no sarcasm or jokes: what do y'all think/feel from this lame pickled vegetable joke? Answer in the comments of this post.}}

===For Christ's and God's Sake===
Chris shared another of SEGA's Facebook posts, this time about introducing the main character, and Chris as usual complained about his blue arms.
{{quotebox|12 December 2014

For [[Chris and religion|Christ's and God's]] Sake, PLEASe CHANGE HIS ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!

[[File:SonicIntroduction.png|220px]]}}

===E-mail to SEGA===
On 11 [[December 2014]], CWCki user [[User:FromtheWordsofBR|FromtheWordsofBR]] jokingly sent an e-mail to Sega Customer Service under Chris's email, suggesting that they send him free copies of ''Sonic Boom'' for the [[HEXbox]] - something that would have been impossible for Sega to actually do, as the ''Sonic Boom'' games were exclusive to the Wii U and 3DS. Chris discovered this the next day, and proceeded to rage.<ref>http://kiwifarms.net/threads/2014-dec-12-chriss-e-mail-to-sega.6462/</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|'''Ticket #137668: SONIC'S ARMS ARE. NOT BLUE!!!:'''
Hello,

Thank you for contacting Sega of America Customer Service. Your request (#137668) has been received, and is being reviewed by our support staff. Response times may vary, but typically you will hear back from us within the same business day. Our agents are on hand from 9AM to 5PM Pacific Standard Time, Monday through Friday (with the exception of US national holidays). Requests received over the weekend will be answered the following Monday.

To review the status of this request and add additional comments, follow the link below:

http://help.sega.com/requests/137668

You may also reply via email.}}
{{quotebox|
'''Chrischansonichu, Nov 20 00:07:'''
Listen, I DID NOT contact you initially with the message there. That was a HeXBox -Loving INTERNET TROLL PRETENDING TO BE ME.

But since I have your attention now, I will bring it up directly with you now. MONTHS NOW, Sonic's Arms Being Blue has SERIOUSLY BEEN BOTHERING ME! They have caused me sensory overload Every Time I see them! They Have To Be Changed Back Now!!! I have contacted SEGA via their Facebook page, as well as the Sonic the Hedgehog Facebook page. Please see attached screen cap photos.

PLEASE RECALL EVERYTHING SONIC BOOM RIGHT NOW AND CHANGE HIS ARM COLOUR BACK!!! Or I will Do Worse!!!

I am still Very Pissed Off that no one has Fixed the Monstrosity that is Changing Sonic's Arm Color! I am Boycotting the Sonic Boom Games and TV Show and the Toys, minus the two I bought to illustrate my point, and everything else of it.

FIX SONIC'S ARM COLOR NOW, or I CONTINUE TO RANT, RAVE, BOYCOTT AND COMPLAIN!!!!

SERIOUSLY!!! IF I FIND EITHER SONIC BOOM GAME ON ANY SHELVES IN THE STORES, WITH SONIC'S ARMS STILL BLUE, I WILL BE GOING SOO FUCKING CRAZY TO PREVENT EVERYONE FROM SEEING THE BLUE ARM MONSTROSITY!!!

DO YOU HEAR ME, SEGA?! I WOULD TOTALLY BOYCOTT A N CHANNEL AND ENCOURAGE EVERYONE ELSE TO DO THAT AS WELL!!!

WISE UP NOW AND RECALL EVERYTHING SONIC BOOM NOW, and maybe I would close the group and the petition and give y'all my money as well.

AND THIS IS MORE THAN JUST SOFTWARE UPDATES!!! YOU RECALL ALL OF THE WIIU AND 3DS GAMES, AND CHANGE THE ARM COLOURS IN THE GAME INSERTS, AND CHANGE THE ARM COLOURS IN THE INITIAL SOFTWARE DISCS AND CARTRIDGES, PRE-UPDATE!!!

AND PULL THE CARTOON AND CHANGE THE ARM COLOURS IN EVERY SINGLE EPISODE OF THE N SHOW!

AND RECALL ALL OF THE SONIC PLUSHES AND FIGURES FROM THE STORES, AND CHANGE HIS ARM COLOUR ON EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM AS WELL!!!

DO IT ALL NOW, OR THERE WILL BE SERIOUS SENSORY DAMAGE AND THEN SOME HELL TO PAY!!! }}

===The Forces of [[CWCville]] Besiege GameStop===
{{Main|26 December 2014}}

On 26 December, the climax of the entire saga arrived. Chris broke several laws by entering a [[GameStop]] from which he had been banned, vandalizing a Sonic Boom display, and ''macing an employee'' who was calling security as Chris left the store. All of this was recorded by a presumably bewildered bystander, and was uploaded to Tumblr the next day. Within two days of his attack, Chris was arrested by [[jerkops]] and incarcerated in Albemarle Regional Jail, then released on a $2,500 bail, with a hearing scheduled for early [[2015]].

===Sonic Boom for Christmas===
Phone chat log:
{{quotebox|26 December 2014

[MALE VOICE]: It's the uhh-the uhh- Sonic Boom game. [hand game to Chris]

CHRIS: Ok, I'll take it as a gift, thank you.

[MALE VOICE]: No problem man. I hope you enjoy it.

CHRIS: I'm hoping that they come out with an update where they change his arm color back.

[MALE VOICE]: Why-Why would they change his arm color?

CHRIS: Well, didn't you notice on the cover they did, it's. . . . . . .well, you look on his left arm. . . . .it's blue there.

[MALE VOICE]: Ohh. So he has blue arms?

CHRIS: Yeah. I really hate that change.

[MALE VOICE]: Ohh. What for?

CHRIS: Ehh. Just. . . . .too much. Just too drastic. It's like Michael Jackson changing his skin color.

[MALE VOICE]: Have, have you asked them, sent them any feedback, asked them to change it. . .

CHRIS: Yeah, yeah I did, when I first saw the TV trailer, the TV show trailer right before E3. They just pretty much swept me under the rug and blocked me from their facebook.

[MALE VOICE]: Why would they do that?

CHRIS: Well, they did. And also, I've been repetitive, like, "Sonic's arms are not freakin' blue". And. . . .yeah, I have threatened them like, you know, if you don't change his arms back. . . . .

[MALE VOICE]: What did you say? What did you threaten them with?

CHRIS: Life threats. Like you know, I took a- I had bought a plush of the new sonic with the blue arms, and I covered his new arms with flesh colored Crayola Model Magic, and I like took a couple of photographs of me holdin' it, and I'm like pulling his arms off, and I said, you better do it, or I will, parentheses, not, tear his arms off.

[MALE VOICE]: So you made life threats against Sega then?

CHRIS: Well, ehh, not in the direct sense.

[MALE VOICE]: You mean that you threatened to kill them?

CHRIS: No.

[MALE VOICE]: No? Well, I mean, you said life threats, so. . . . . . . .it sounds like you're really passionate about it.

CHRIS: Yes I am.

[MALE VOICE]: Well, I mean, Sonic, his arms were uhh, flesh colored before that, right?

CHRIS: Yeah.

[MALE VOICE]: So, I mean, can't you just ignore the blue armed Sonic?

CHRIS: I can- I can- it's just too much. Every time I look at the blue arms, even in anything related to the games which they show on cartoon network, I see the blue arms, I go into sensory overload and get really, really,
more pissed off.

[MALE VOICE]: Yeah. Chris, when these cyberbullies first started attacking you, and stuff like that, you got pissed off then, right?

CHRIS: Yeah.

[MALE VOICE]: . . . and it ended up being a bad thing when you reacted, right?

CHRIS: Yeah, but except, I'm not reacting to a troll attack, I'm reacting to something which has been done. Like a, like a, presidential decision that has gone really wrong. Like, let's say Obama's. . . . .life-care thing?

[MALE VOICE]: Obamacare. The health-care thing. So you're anti-Obamacare then?

CHRIS: Well, uhh, I'm not one hundred percent, I have heard about uhh, hmmmm, uhh, I don't remember exactly-but-or how to phrase it, but I have the gist of it.
}}

===Chris (Still) Blames Everyone Else for His Problems (Wait, Did We Say Still? We Meant Always)===
{{quotebox|5 [[January 2015]]
I have been on the move, with the heavy listings and transport back to my original house, and still sorting, organizing and all. I also have been at a Lack of WiFi and Internet access since last Wednesday. The only internet I have at home here is on the 3G on my phone.

I have been very busy and very stressed. And should anyone give me a difficult time during my outings resulting in turning my day bad with the verbal attacks and threats to my person, I Will Defend Myself, and only retaliate when absolutely necessary. I Would even spray myself.

I Sincerely Wish people would positively Like me, yet I am unable to change their minds. And if I Have to defend myself to get any respect as an individual person, then it is THEIR Fault for frightening me into that defensive stance.

‪#‎SEGA‬ will definitely hear of the Earlier Incident as well.
}}

===Green Irises Are Better Than Blarms===
{{quotebox|6 January 2015

Anyhow, someone SHOULD definitely send word to SEGA of America and Japan of my recent misfortunes resulting from the seed event of Sonic's Arm Colour being changed. Had they Not changed the arm colour, No one would have attacked me they way He had, followed by the warning spray of the pepper from my own fears and paranoia in self-defense. And I would have no reason to Protest the way I have.
This series of incidents definitely tops what's-his-name's whatever-he-did when they gave Sonic Green Irises for his eyes. THE green irises were an improvement; the Blue Arms are just Painful and Horrific.
}}

===Sega Forced Chris to Attack===
{{quotebox|8 January 2015
[http://kiwifarms.net/threads/fb-1-8-chris-hates-sega-for-forcing-him-to-attack-somebody.6979/]

}}

===Boycott the Yarms===
{{quotebox|10 January 2015
[http://kiwifarms.net/threads/fb-1-10-15-sonichus-arms-are-not-yellow.7009/]

}}

===The Seed Event===
{{quotebox|10 January 2015
Ugh!!! I Fucking Hate These People for continuing to allow the damn blue arms to exist! And I fucking hate them for changing the arm colour in the first place and ultimately from that damn seed event, force me to be attacked, having to defend myself, and forcing me to spend a weekend in jail!

}}

===Chris Rages On===
{{quotebox|12 January 2015

Off my rocker?! How Dare She? My Protest was Sound, Valid and Meant to be Good. And she completely ignores that on the day I had to defend myself from that Ass Manager, HE VERBALLY ATTACKED AND OFFENDED ME. And I had no idea of what other pains and stresses He was capable of doing, and I did not want him following me either. You All Do Not Understand my Fragile Mind, nor do Any of You All have Any Caring Nor Understanding to Leave a mentally scarred, damaged and flawed individual like me Be and At Personal Peace of Mind. BUT HELL NO! YOU ALL KEEP ON STRESSING ME MORE AND CAUSING PLEASANT DAYS GONE BAD ON ME. Especially MOST OF EVERY LAST MALE IN THIS WORLD; All of you are nothing but immature, borish, uncouth, and damned Neanderthals. It is no wonder why a lot of Women detest the lot of you, and why I am Most Disgusted and Ashamed to have been forced to be born a damned member of your Male Gender. Hmpf!
}}

===Chris Gives Up and Continues On at the Same Time===
{{quotebox|13 January 2015

This is in response to the post below this one about the so-called list of my purchased Nintendo software. Direct to the point: I have sincerely NEVER purchased either Sonic Boom game. The 3DS game, however, was actually Hand Given to me as a Gift from my ex-girlfriend, Catherine's Cousin, Al, after out bowling outing in Early December, 2014; Last Month.
I have registered the 3DS card through my [[Club Nintendo]] account, and explicitly told them in the survey that game Was Gifted to me; I Had Not Purchased it, period. And I Had shortly after received a copy of the Wii U Game In the Mail. I had disposed of the envelope, because there was no return address. I Would have registered that as well, but there as NO Club Nintendo code enclosed. I have Never booted or played either game, and I certainly never have inserted either card or disc into any of my handhelds or consoles at all ever. And to spare having it quoted in the comments below this point, or in any future comments and posts in this group or on my page: Being Gifted the thing you are protesting against against your initial will, regardless of acceptance out of being polite or whatever, it does NOT Change my position or aynthing integral of the Protest that I Have personally started and still am working towards the cause, period.

SEGA!!! CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! YOUR BLUE ARMS HAVE HURT NOT ONLY ME IN A NUMBER OF GREAT WAYS, BUT COUNTLESS OTHER PEOPLE (GREATER THAN A THOUSAND INDIVIDUALS) AS WELL!!! YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR LACK OF RECALL AND CORRECTIONS!!!}}

Here, Chris is referencing this[http://kiwifarms.net/threads/2015-01-13-nintendo-employee-reveals-details-of-chriss-nintendo-transactions.7042/] Cwcki Forums article; apparently he lurks the forums frequently.

===Something Important===
{{quotebox|15 January 2015
I have something important to share of importance. After the incident on the 26th, on the court date on the 29th, the judge had documented that neither I, nor Any local GameStop stores or employees, come near or contact each other. I Have not contacted or visited any of them, but the day after on the 30th, One of them called My Cell Phone, TWICE, on the 30th, the day after that court date. I have Not listened to either of their messages; I had marked both of them "As Read". They both were just automatically removed from my voicemail list. But I screen capped the details from my phone a few days ago. I've had the numbers of the four GameStops, for any inquiries I had to make in the past.

Anyhow, They have violated the Court Rules there.

}}

===Kengle the Troll===
{{quotebox|19 January 2015
[http://kiwifarms.net/threads/2015-jan-19-kengle-trolls-chris-with-blue-arms-purchase.7218/]
}}

===You Dropped a Glitterbomb on Me, Baby===
[[File:GlitterbombNotice.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's hatred for something so minor becomes greatly unhealthy.]]
On 30 January 2015, a document was leaked onto the [[CWCki Forums]], revealing that Chris has taken one step above macing employees and is ''threatening to glitterbomb'' Sega's American headquarters. Initially thought to be work done by weens, forum member Marvin eventually stood up and confirmed this actually as Chris's doing. The letter reads:

{{quotebox|SEGA of America Inc. 350 Rhode Island St, Suite 400 San Francisco, CA 94103
'''For Every Week Sonic the Hedgehog's arms remain blue in the "Sonic Boom" Video Games AND TV Cartoon Show, and that you all at SEGA continue to NOT Public Announce your apology for the change as well as RECALLING Everything of this Sonic Boom to change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately on Television, Newsprint and Internet Posts and Videos, you all will receive a sparkling mess. And to stop this glittery combination from coming in, you WILL Change Sonic the Hedgehogs Arm Colour back immediately in EVERYTHING Sonic Boom, including PULLING the cartoon from Cartoon Network to change the arm colour back in EVERY SINGLE EPISODE of the show.'''

'''Thank you.'''}}

The document reveals that Chris refuses to stop committing acts of battery unless a multimedia company gives in to a 30-year-old manchild's threats. It also shows his complete lack of knowing what glitterbombing actually ''is''. To glitterbomb someone is to dump or throw glitter on your opponent in public (such as [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7uZ4q-7y2M when some guy with a box of Cheez-Its came up to Newt Gingrich and dumped glitter on him]), ''not'' sending envelopes with glitter inside. To send envelopes with glitter inside is simply known as "[http://shipyourenemiesglitter.com/ shipping enemies glitter]".

===Weighing In on the Protests===
{{quotebox|2 Febuary 2015
Hey [REDACTED],
I saw that video and absolutely agree 100% that Chris was unjustified in his actions. I would have supported the employee whipping his ass to be honest. I think Chris needs to go to jail, he has never been held accountable for his actions. Destruction of property, assault, etc are serious stuff. He needs counseling and professional services that I think without incarceration he will never receive.
I'm glad that the Cwiki is no longer what it was in its incarnation, he was using it as an excuse for his behavior, and now can't use it as a fallback on to his issues.
I really have little defense for Christian for what hes been doing, but I hope he can come out a better person.
}}

===Chris's Ego Butts In!===
After hearing about Sega downsizing to focus on PC and Mobile games, Chris [[Chris and reality|thought]] that [[Chris and his Ego|he had a hand in it through his boycott]]:
{{quotebox|2 February 2015
Regardless of SEGA downsizing, Which I feel our boycotting has brought into play, we Have made SEGA take notice of their Mistake in changing Sonic's Arm Color among this term of events. And THEY still CAN create and distribute Downloadable Update Data for BOTH Sonic Boom Games to change his Arm Color Back at the very least.}}

===Sonic Boom: Fire & Ice===
9 [[June 2015]]

After the sequel to the first ''Sonic Boom'' game was announced, Chris immediately showed his disapproval on Facebook. He even threatened [[Best Buy]] to not sell the game unless they change Sonic's arm color back, and still firmly believes that Sega was the one who got him thrown briefly into prison.

{{quotebox|Hell no!!! Still with the blue arms?!!! Ugh! SEGA, Does my Protest and Jail Time And Court Trouble Result NOT Resonate with you at all? Don't Y'all EVER FREAKING LISTEN AND LEARN?!!!!}}

===Assault threat against Woodley and Frost===

'''Omar Woodley''' (or, as Chris misspells it, '''Olmar Woodley''') is a [[male]] producer at Sega of America Inc. and the producer of ''[[Sonic Boom]]: Fire & Ice''. Given Chris's hatred for ''Sonic Boom'', it's no surprise that he considers Omar to be a [[JERK]]. On 9 [[June 2015]], [[Chris]] [[Death threats|threatened]] Woodley with [[Don't Mess With Me|physical violence]] through a post on Facebook, later editing the post to extend his threat to producer Stephen Frost as well<ref>https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=870347576393056&id=100002534669114</ref>.

[[File:Omar woodley threat.jpeg|300px|thumb|right|His post before he edited in Stephen Froat.]]

{{quotebox|Bring to me, in person, the ones called Omar Woodley and Stephen Frost, So I can tell to their faces of my Plights and Troubles I Went and Had to Go Through, Because of the Sensory Overloading Horrific Arm Colour Change that should NEVER HAVE HAPPENED. And then, let me Kick and Beat Them Up upon further refusal to change the arm Colour back to tan in Everything Sonic Boom!

Damn and F*** Olmar Woodley and Stephen Frost!!!}}

He linked to [http://www.seganerds.com/2015/06/09/sega-producer-discusses-future-of-sonic-boom-franchise/ a news article].

On the same day, Chris proceeded to post this:

{{quotebox|[[File:SonicNoArms (pic only).jpg|thumb|right|This waste of [[money]] resulted in Chris's [[white knights]] refusing to help him.]]
I protested peacefully and bold; I get banned from the local Four GameStops, and rebanned from Fashion SquareI ended up in jail for a weekend, along with court troubles; someone got a mild amount of pepper spray.

Time healed me some and I was recovering and doing better. Now, ANOTHER BLUE ARMED GAME IS BEING MADE?!!!

‪#‎SEGA‬ has ruined a peaceful, pleasant life for me again. It is Payback Time!

‪#‎SonicBoom‬
‪#‎FixSonicsArmsImmediatelySEGA‬}}

===Give Me 10 Good Reasons, I Need to Know===
{{quotebox|12 June 2015
If SEGA can give me Ten valid Reasons (with at lease One Good Reason) to justify the arm colour change (no less), NOT counting to "Modernize" Sonic or to make Sonic "appealing to the younger generations", I may reconsider.}}

===The End?===
{{quotebox|2 October 2015
This is the Final Update for this Protest Group.

Regardless of circumstances and bad outcomes/tidings, it is confirmed that Sonic's arms Will be back to their original colour in the next Sonic Game: Sonic & Mario at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games.

After this visual confirmation, I have found solace and satisfaction for the ending result.

I wish to thank every person who Actually helped in the protest against the blue arms in the Sonic Boom games, cartoon and all of that.

We have found success in our protest. It is good.}}

==See also==
*[[My Little Pony Protests]]
*[[ProjectSNT]]
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog (film)|''Sonic the Hedgehog'' (film)]], which features the titular character with blue arms.

==References==
<references/>

{{Social media}}

[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]
[[Category:Television shows]]
[[Category:Campaigns]]

CWC's Second Message

2021-08-27T22:11:05Z

HarryHowler:

{{Quote|Citizens of the [[Chris and the Internet|internet]]'': I present an open message to each and every one of you.|And so it begins...}}

'''CWC's Second Message''' (a.k.a. '''Madman Rising''') is the [[video]] that introduced [[the internet]] to the world of [[Chris]]. It was posted to [[YouTube]] on 3 [[August 2008]].

After months of trying to either ignore or edit his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page, Chris [[Chris and anger|explodes with fury]]. He blames ED for causing his fallout with [[Megan Schroeder]], although anyone with a brain could tell that it was his fault for drawing [[She Came for CWC|pornography involving her]] and sharing it to the world. Ironically, in trying to blame ED for the demise of his friendship with her, Chris unwittingly subjects Megan to further public humiliation by revealing that she is the subject of the pornographic drawing in question, rather than Chris's fictional sister [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], who most trolls had until this point believed to be the woman in the drawing. Chris also begins threatening to withhold the release of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] and all further comics unless the ED page is removed. Naturally, [[trolls]] were terrified that they would never see the conclusion to the absorbing story that Chris had created, and rushed to meet his demands.

This is a beloved classic in the CWChronology, and it was in this video that Chris unintentionally coined the term "[[pedofork]]". It is also one of the most prominent examples of Chris's use of the CWC-isms 'Dykes' and 'China' to refer to his alleged heterosexuality.

==Video==
{{Tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC's Second Message
| video = {{#ev:youtube|kPQlpGFWNgE}}
| stardate = 3 [[August 2008]]
| subject = {{Rumors|text}}, {{Homos|text}}, {{Comics|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|[[CWC is Sad|Unintentional Comedy]]}}, {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Rage|text}}
| saga = {{ED|text}}
| shirt = {{RedShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]
| next = [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)]]
}}

===Transcript===
''Citizens of the Internet'': I present an open message to each and every one of you.

[[Chris and his ego|Y'all should know me by now]], but, if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, ''the'' original creator of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], back on March 17th, [[2000]]. Any dates earlier are void. I present this open message because...I have a whole bunch of people on the Internet [''removes [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]] dramatically''] give me hate...show me a lot of hate...and I do not appreciate it. Ticks me off.

You think you can just...hate me just to get a laugh out of yourself. Think about it. [[Twin Falling Towers|You're laughing at somebody else's pain and torture]], because I am lonesome, still trying to find a [[boyfriend-free girl]] and to make into a [[sweetheart]]. Y'all think I'm just a sap, a chump, dumbass, whatever you may think. But you know what? You. ''You!'' Every last one of you, who has shispressed hate against me? ''You're'' the shitheads!

[[Image:Herbert (Family Guy).JPG|thumb|Chris at age 70, if his cholesterol would allow him to live that long]]

Also, every last one of you who thinks that I am similar to that...of that senile old man in ''[[Family Guy]]''...''you're'' the pedophiles. Every one of you who thinks I'm [[homo]] and calls me that—-because I am not; I'm ''straight''! I'm '''''straight!''''' ''You’re'' the homos! Every last one of you!

I could--I could take the whole time to express so much ''anger'' and frustration. I'm only nearsighted; I do wear glasses. [''replaces glasses on face''] Take it or leave it, losers! [''removes glasses dramatically, again''] It m--it helps me see better...see more detail...and more clear vision than any of you knuckleheads can put together...out of your own ego that you so richly...[''begins awkwardly tapping PS3 controller''] consume of.

But...on a more serious note: learning recently of the false--or real--literature, with downloaded...''copies'' of my comic pages and whatnot. It has been either distributed or created ''without'' my consent or approval. So...it ''is'' a fake...and if it ever is published, or if it ever shows profit, let it weigh on your consciousness throughout your eternal life...that you are torturing and--worse off--tearing the heart, and soul, and emotions of the innocent man. The out--the innocent--still 26-year-old [''slams arms down on chair’s arms''] ''virgin''. Not only that, but I have so many lonely nights and stress...that you can not just imagine it!

Now, as for the other serious note: of any new stuff officially made by me, under my own...hands...''not'' by anybody else's, which are considered ''false''. I just have not been feeling the inspiration to draw! To color! Because the loneliness...I cannot stand that. The hatred I'm getting from every last one of you who has contributed to that Encyclopedia Dramatica webpage...and every other forum, internet document, lewdly-drawn pictures with...''dicks''. I love ''dykes! DYKES!'' '''''[[CHINA]]!''''' [''jump cut''] I'm ''straight!'' If I ever--if I see a dick, [[Dick Licker; that is I|I just look away, with a moment of being freaked out!]] [''makes arm gesture for “safe!”'']

[[Image:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|thumb|left|"She has come for me"]]

''And'' e-mailing me pictures is not gonna get any of you any further conclusion to "Will [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] get out of [[Dark Mirror Hole|the mirror]]?", "Will the 7 [[Sonichu Balls]] be collected?", "Will I ''ever'' find my [[sweetheart]]?" ''And'' am I--am I or [[Megan Schroeder]] still an item--" which by the way, she broke up with me so much long ti--so much long ago because...the contributors to that ED page...you broke the emotional stre--strength between us. You promoted such twists and turns to everything I have said [''begins tapping PS3 controller against his hand to count the offenses''] and drawn and written and ''whatnot''...you broke up the best friendship, the best relationship, the ''closest'' I could ever have in this ''pitiful adult life!'' ''You'' did it! Every last one of you! If I could blame myself, I would definitely blame myself for drawing [[Rule 34|those ''5'' pictures]]! Those 5 drawings! And, by the way, that is not ''Crystal'' whose eyes are censored; [''covers eyes with one hand momentarily''] that is ''Megan!'' And just for--and just for--for...taking it up,and--twisting it around and such!

Think about it. ''Think about it!'' Weigh it on your conscience! Because nothing--no more official Sonichu...art or work may...or may not...ever emerge...depending...on the amount of hate that is decreased! That web page: ''taken off the Internet''! I wish I'd never found that piece of ''SHIT''...in the first place, back on that [[Halloween]] of [[2007|’07]], somewhere around there. And promoting the hatred, and...drawing such loose--such ''lucrid'' mockeries...is ''not'' gonna further the story plot or have anything new created, or even gonna help in any way...as I am telling you this, right into my [[PlayStation Eye]]!

[''sighs deeply''] If I ever do find the one that is to be my sweetheart, I will...give her such care, such tenderness, such love...we get around to the [[hanky-panky]], that's fine, that's good...we get married. I will have my God--create--my [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|God-called daughter]]! She will be taken care of...lovingly. Those of you mock me otherwise, with such ''frivolous, lucrid adultery''...if I ever hear another--any more new stuff, it will weigh on your conscience, with me ''tearing at your souls''...emotionally! Let ''that'' weigh on your conscience, for those of you who have already done so or are thinking about doing it!

I am not a [[pedofork]], you '''DORKS!'''

[[Image:Chris chan by B Comes B-459.png|thumb|Mmmm China]]

[''sighs''] I tell ya...so much anger, so much stress...it's hard to see straight. Let that, the result of all that you have contributed against me, weigh heavily like a 10,000-pound anvil! "[[wikipedia:Sixteen Tons|Sixteen tons]], whadd'ya get? Another day older and deeper in debt!" [''pronounces the b in "debt"'']

[[Chris and religion|If I was not a baptized man]] over at the [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|Methodist church]] by the [[University of Virginia]], I'd tell every last one of you that contributed to the hatred and downpour, "Go to hell." But I can--but I would not even weigh that upon my worst enemy, because that--because [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|I am]] [[26 December 2014|more]] [[28 October 2011|kind]] [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|than]] [[Sonic Boom Protests|ya]] [[Death threats|think]]. Y'all just do not see that; y'all just twist my words around. [''clears throat''] I do not wish to see any more hatrey, or adult mockery, and I want that Encyclopedia Dramatica page taken down for''ev''er. It will weigh heavily on your conscience each day that it is ''still'' up there.

[''replaces glasses on face''] I leave you with any other thoughts that you ''may'' have. But if you ''dare'' twist ''these'' words around, that will weigh ''worse'' on your conscience. The words that ''I'' provide...from sound mind and ''heart''...it will weigh heavily on you.

[[Obesity|It will weigh ''heavily'' on you.]] {{clear}}

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC - "Dykes Dykes China" (Adapted Music Video)
| video = {{#ev:youtube|IdV5BUk9-vo}}
| stardate = 13 July 2009
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXfiwjz5uR0LzSt0Ww3rehA theimperiousdorkblog]
| type = Music video [[parody]] of Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby"
}}

==See also==
*[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]|nextlink=[[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2008-08-03]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2008| 03]]
[[Category:ED Saga videos| 2008-08-03]]
[[Category:Videos about homos| 2008-08-03]]

Nintendo

2021-08-23T13:28:53Z

HarryHowler:

{{Taxpayermoney}}
[[File:ChrisGameShop.jpg|thumb|Chris at the ''Nintendo'' shop.]]

'''Nintendo Co., Ltd.''' ([[Anime|Japanese]]: 任天堂株式会社 ''Nintendō Kabushiki gaisha'') is a multinational video-game company from [[Wikipedia:Kyoto|Kyoto]], Japan, which was founded in 1889 and started off producing [[Card games|playing cards]]. During the latter half of the 20th century it started getting more and more involved in the [[video games|video game]] industry. In [[Pre-1980#1970s|1977]], 5 years before the birth of [[Chris]], Nintendo brought out its first gaming console.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20110518095018/http://www.nindb.net/system/color-tv-game.html</ref> It is now one of 3 chief competitors on this market, along with [[Microsoft]] and [[Sony]].

==Nintendo and Chris==
[[File:Customwiimote.jpg|thumb|left|Chris, with his Wii.]]

Chris currently owns several Nintendo consoles, as well as [[List of Chris's games|a shitload of games for them]]. For a long time (before the [[PS3]] came along), ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' was the biggest game in his life and he made the hour-long [[Animal Crossing Documentary|''Animal Crossing'' Documentary]] in which he would tell Nintendo about his many personal problems and how much he hated the [[Sony]] [[PlayStation]]. It still remains his longest video to date.

Along with [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], ''[[Pokémon]]'' was his "[[plagiarism|inspiration]]" for creating [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and the other [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]; this was actually positively covered by ''[[Nintendo Power Magazine]]''.

The extent of Chris's Nintendo fanboyism in the early-mid 2000s is demonstrated in the first issue of [[Sonichu's News Dash]], where Chris describes the release of the then-new ''Sonic Heroes'' on the PlayStation 2 and Xbox as an "ethical mistake", and goes on to claim that "the PS2 and X-Box versions remained dusty on the shelves, and the GCN version SOLD OUT." In reality, the Gamecube port of ''Heroes'' was outsold by the PS2 port by a factor of roughly three-to-one.

During the early epic [[Miyamoto Saga]] in [[2008]]-[[2009]], Chris was [[troll]]ed by [[Clyde Cash]] impersonating various Nintendo officials, including [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], [[Takashi Tezuka]], [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]] and the Nintendo lawyer [[Jay Z]].

In [[2010]], Nintendo's [[Flipnote Hatena]] service became a major part in Chris's ongoing [[Love Quest]]. In [[2011]], Chris felt betrayed by his favorite company for [[3DS Flipnote| not porting the Flipnote software quick enough]].

[[File:MiiversePost2.png|thumb|A post from Chris's Miiverse account.]]

In [[Exposed - Jeremy Slonwhite of Vancouver, BC Canada|several]] [[Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David|videos]] released in 2011, a Giant Mii AR Card is visible on Chris's wall.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20150602134421/https://club.nintendo.com/rewards-details/a/21002.do</ref> This particular item was only available to [[Club Nintendo]] members, for the price of 300 coins.

On [[December 2013]], a user on [[4chan]]'s /v/ board discovered Chris's [[Miiverse]] account and posted pictures of some of his posts. This means Chris has spent [[taxpayer money]] on a Wii U.

On 10 [[January 2015]], Chris posted on his [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]] group that he will [[List of places that have banned Chris|permaban]] anybody who talks about Mario on the group, especially after the [[weening]] that occurred on the page, mentioning that "The Sonic Team definitely kicks the Plumbers' butts".

On 19 [[January 2017]], Chris [[:File:Thoughts On Switch Jan 19 2017.png|revealed in a personal text message]] that he had no [[Chris and his Ego|opinion]] about the then upcoming [[Nintendo Switch]], as he was [[Vidya|preoccupied]].

On 7 [[March 2019]], Chris uploaded [[Very Cool Birthday Present! :)]], an unboxing of a Nintendo Switch sent to him as a gift from [[Sarah and Steve]].

==In the comic==
[[File:NDS.PNG|thumb|left|300px|Seems an awfully convenient plot device - it's almost as if [[Chris and writing|Chris isn't a very talented writer]].]]

In [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]], Chris uses a DS to connect to Wi-Fi, to search [[CWCville]] for villains.
==Mii==
[[File:ChrisChanMii.png|thumb|Chris' Mii (Friend Code 2836-0121-9073)]]
[[File:Cole and Others Miis.png|thumb|Miis of [[autism]] and Chris's half-siblings: [[Carol]], [[David]] and [[Cole]].]]

A Mii is a cartoon version of oneself used in various Nintendo games and services.

Chris wrote a poem on the topic: ([[Mumble 7]], 2009)

On your Game Boy Advance SP 
create 'yer MII 
den play it on WII 
with your PSP 
hooked to your [[PS3]] 
cause it's fun 
see? 
And never play a [[Hex Box 360]] 
Because it's stupid and you're not a dummy

He also told a version of this poem to [[Megan]].<ref>[[Megan emails, Jan-July 2007]]</ref>

In 2011 Chris got a Giant Mii AR Card and put it on his wall.

Many Miis appeared in [[Super Smash Bros. Videos]] (2015).

In 2017, Chris gave a Mii card (signed) to [[Clare Porter]].

==Wiimote of Fail==
The Wii Remote of Fail is the result of [[Chris]] taking it upon himself to paint custom [[Sonichu]] colors on his Wii Remote and Nunchuk during an [[autism|autistic]] epiphany. He thought that [[Shigeru Miyamoto|"Mr. Mayamoto-san"]] of Nintendo would like to see these, so he then showed them off to the world in his [[YouTube]] video [[CWC to Mr. Miyamoto]].

It made a cameo appearance as a go-kart in [[ModNation Racers]]. First as a pre-made [[Chris and death|casket]] car that Chris simply called a Wiimote, he would then recolor it with his own personal touch just [[Pokéwalker of Fail|like]] [[Gitar of Fail|so]] [[PSP of Fail|many]] [[Media:CWCGameCube1.jpg|other]] [[Media:205-SonichuGBASP2.jpg|things]].

It was offered for sale on [[eBay]] in April 2018 due to the [[Financhu Crisis]]. Chris also sold off his Wii console<ref>[[April 2018 social media posts]]</ref>.

{{collapsible
|Gallery of Chris's own ''Nintendo'' merchandise
|<center><gallery>
File:Modnation Wiimote.jpg|Because painting things [[Chris-chan Sonichu|blue]] and [[Sonichu (character)|yellow]] makes everything TRUE and ORIGINAL.
File:003-NPSon.jpg|[[SEGA]] Nintendo!
</gallery></center>}}

==Nintendo Switch==
[[File:CWCSonichu Nintendo Switch August 2020.png|thumb|150px|Chris's most-played games, as of [[August 2020]] - with Tetris 99 at a whopping 350 hours.]]
[[File:NewMiiIcon.png|thumb|150px|Mii customized with blue [[hair]] in September 2020.]]

{{see also|List of Chris's video games#Nintendo Switch}}

The '''Nintendo Switch''' is a hybrid video game console. Capable of being both a home console and a portable device, it was released in [[March 2017]] as the successor to Nintendo's disastrous Wii U - and has quickly proven itself to be an extremely popular product. <ref>https://www.engadget.com/2018/12/18/nintendo-switch-fastest-selling-us-console/</ref>.

Much like with the [[PlayStation 4]], Chris originally had no interest<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/File:Thoughts_On_Switch_Jan_19_2017.png/</ref> in buying a Switch despite his [[brand loyalty]] to Nintendo and his [[List of Chris's video games#Wii U|interest in the system's immediate predecessor]]. This would change on 7 [[March 2019]], when he was gifted one by two "fans" named [[Sarah and Steve]]. He recorded [[Very Cool Birthday Present! :)]] to show it off, inadvertently revealing they were concealing some shady ulterior motives.

==See also==
*[[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|Appeal to Nintendo in Redmond]]
*[[Club Nintendo]]
*[[Gregg Mays E-mails|Gregg Mays e-mails]]
*[[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|Homemade ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]]
*[[Chris E-mails 2004-2006|Nintendo e-mails]]
*[[An Official Sonichu Update|Nintendo of America]]
*[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Wii Incident]]
*[[Miiverse]]

==Sources==
<references/>

==External links==
*[[wikipedia:Nintendo|Nintendo]] at [[Wikipedia]]

[[Category:Things Chris likes]]
[[Category:Video Games]]

Barbara Chandler

2021-08-22T10:23:40Z

HarryHowler: /* In Sonichu */

{{Honest}}

{{quote|I am close to my mother, but I would advise some space between you and your mother. And I recommend [[Love Quest|finding yourself]] a Girlfriend/Sweetheart to remain with in your later years of life. Mama's not gonna be around forever.|Chris gives advice to a ''Sonichu'' fan.<ref>[[Mailbag 13]]</ref>}}

{{quote|She [[Death threats|threatens to kill me]] in her episode of emotional rage.|Chris on Barb.<ref name="jackie26">[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref>}}

{{quote|Barbara was more of a “Guilty Pleasure” waifu|Chris [[Chris and escapism#Roleplaying|roleplaying]] as Magi-Chan, demonstrating his [[Incest|Oedipal complex]]}}

{{infobox
| title = Barbara Chandler
| image =[[File:July11BarbPhoto2.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Birth name
|data1 = Barbara Anne Weston
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = Barb Blarb [[Borb]] [[Obesity|Snorlax]] [[:File:Chandler family as ponies.png|Sugar Darling]] Barbie Chan<ref>[[June 2021 social media posts#Decent flashlight]]</ref>
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = [[Pre-1980#1940s|1 October 1941]] (age {{Age|1941|10|1}})
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Female
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = [[United States|American]]
|label6 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6 = White
|label7 = Spouse
|data7 = Ran Coleman Yeatts (1961–1963) [[Bob Chandler|Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.]] (1980–2011)
|label9 = Children
|data9 = [[Cole Smithey]] [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
|label10 = Father
|data10 = Joseph Otto "Joe" Weston (1896–1955)
|label11 = Mother
|data11 = Carrie Edna Wynn (1911–1967)
|label12 = Occupation
|data12 = Office worker (retired)
}}

'''Barbara Anne Weston Chandler'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (born 1 {{w|1941#October|October 1941}}<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20170903151241/http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html</ref>) is the widow of [[Bob Chandler]] and the mother of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Cole Smithey]]. The sole recognition for her motherly qualities is the Mother of the Year [[2000]] Award Chris created for her.<ref>[[A Week With Christian Chandler#Page 13|A Week With Christian Chandler, page 13]]</ref> She has not won the award since.

Though her late husband has remained relatively popular with [[Trolls]] and Christorians alike, the same cannot be said for Barbara herself, who has been consistently disliked. Where Bob eventually recognized his shortcomings as a parent to Chris and attempted to correct them late into his life, Barbara has consistently been one of the biggest enablers of Chris's bad behavior since he was a child, on top of emotionally-manipulating, threatening, and on occasion physically abusing him. Barbara has been instrumental in turning Chris into the spoiled manchild that he is, and like Bob before her, has encouraged him not to seek a serious career path in favor of [[Monthly tugboat|getting welfare off of his condition]], in spite of the fact that he could get a minimum-wage job and still qualify for welfare.

It has long been suspected that she has some form of narcissistic personality disorder, which goes hand-in-hand with what we know about her neglectful to abusive relationship with Chris, along with his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]], who received a much worse treatment from her. Nonetheless, Chris remains unaware of just how bad a parent she's been to him, and he continues to cling to her in an Oedipal fashion as she approaches death's door, and he's no closer to becoming a self-sufficient adult two decades after graduating high school. Barb's unpopularity extends to her own family, who have not maintained a relationship with her since at least the funeral of one of [[Aunt Corrina|Chris's aunts]].

For much of the Classic Era of Christory, Barbara was extremely obese and napped a lot (earning her the nickname "{{w|Snorlax}}", after the sleepy, fat [[Pokémon]] of the same name), but she has since shed a ton of weight in her twilight years. This sharp loss of weight, loss of hair color, and knowledge of her son's status as a living internet meme all factored into her role in appearing in multiple [[Financhu Crisis|begging videos]], alongside playing up senility for the camera to [[Chris and manipulation|manipulate]] viewers into paying for donations. Unfortunately, [[Chris and money|much like her son]], she spends most of the donations that she receives on frivolous crap rather than working to resolve her mounting [[debt]] that will be placed upon Chris when she kicks the bucket.

Near the end of [[June 2021]], Chris told some fans that he began an [[incest|incestuous]] relationship with Barbara (long speculated to be on a mental decline and therefore [[Chris and sex#Rape|unable to consent]]) to a handful of fans. Chris previously told [[Null]] that he'd found a [[boyfriend-free girl]] over the age of 50 who was an accountant years ago – details which match up with a description of who Barb is – leading Null to believe that Chris actually found a girlfriend who he didn't want people to find out about before he eventually realized that Chris molested his mother. Following this horrifying revelation, the damage done to Chris was swift and immeasurable as both Chris and Barb were separated by authorities.

==Early life==
[[Image:Babs1960.PNG|thumb|left|Barbara's senior photo from high school. While she looks pretty here, she would not age well.]]

[[Image:0839-MomDesi.JPG|thumb|Barb, emboldened by her hoard, evolved into a Snorlax over time.]]

Barbara is the fifth child (out of eight) of Joseph Otto "Joe" Weston (1896–1955) and Carrie Edna Wynn (1911–1967). They married in 1926, when Carrie was either 14 or 15 years old and Joseph [[Pedofork|was 29 or 30]].<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20170825073641/http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d141.html</ref> Otto died in 1955, after falling from a horse-drawn wagon.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20200603075643/http://genealogytrails.com/vir/charlotte/obits_w.html</ref> Barb's maternal grandfather was an alcoholic moonshiner, who carried out affairs and failed to provide even the most basic support for her mother's family.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20180425032751/http://www.harveypowers.com:80/wynn/wynn/d118.html</ref> For whatever reason, Barb believes that she is descended from [[Anne Boleyn]], but this is impossible given that Elizabeth I, Boleyn's only daughter, died without an heir. She also thinks that a more recent ancestor named [[Daniel Weston]] boarded the ''Mayflower'', but no such person exists.

According to a [[January 2012 Facebook Posts#February is coming up|Facebook status]] Chris wrote on 29 January 2012, Barbara lost her virginity at some point during her high school years. Why Chris knows this is anyone's guess, although it's possible that he learned the basic principles of [[Honest Content]] from Mommy Dearest.

Barb grew up in Red Oak, Virginia, and graduated from {{w|Randolph-Henry High School}} in Charlotte Court House, Virginia in 1960. While there, she was treasurer of her school's chapter of the [[Women's rights|Future Homemakers of America]], a member of the Randolph-Henry bus patrol, a typist for her school yearbook, ''The Log'', and a member of the [[Spanish]] Club. She was also a member of many other school organizations, suggesting that she was very involved in extracurricular activities while in high school. She was also known for her perfect attendance record from her sophomore through her senior years of high school.

According to her senior yearbook, her nickname in high school was Bobcat, possibly due to [[Obesity|her figure]].

Barb graduated college with a major in accounting.<ref>[[June 2021 social media posts#Chris begins larping as his youngerself]]</ref>

Sometime after her father died in 1955, according to Chris, she left Red Oak and "decided to set off on her own... in search for romance and her future". Either before or after she did this her mother disowned her. After she left home, "her siblings, cousins and others in Redoak" began to spread rumors about her and call her a whore in her absence.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Chris has scabies too]]</ref> As it would turn out, her relationship with her family would never get any better.

Chris stated in a leaked video that he and his mother are not liked by the members of the Weston family who have outlived [[Aunt Corrina]].<ref>[[Message for John Kyle]]</ref> It is not clear whether Chris meant to say that after Corrina's death all of the Westons started hating him and his mother or, alternatively, that by the time of Corrina's death, no Weston other than she had a cordial relationship with Chris and Barb. Regardless of how this statement should be interpreted, it appears that Barbara's relationship with rest of her extended family is strained.

==Cole and his various fathers==
[[Image:0467-CWC18th20.jpg|thumb|left|Cole visits for Chris's [[My big 18th party (story)|18th birthday]].]]

Barbara grew up and raised Chris's older half-brother [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] in Richmond, Virginia, near Virginia Commonwealth University and West Avenue.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>

Barbara gave birth to [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] in 1963. Throughout his life, Barbara has lied to Cole about who his father is because she is {{w|Maury Povich}} trash.

Based on his experiences with various stepfathers, [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] thinks that Barbara has a "proclivity to isolate herself via scurrilous mates".<ref name="coleemail2">[[:File:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 2]]</ref> The use of "scurrilous" in this statement makes no sense, suggesting [[Cole Smithey|Cole]] tries to use [[Chris and English|big]] words to impress people – [[Laughs Under Lucricities|a family trait]], perhaps.

===Jack Dale Smithey===
Barb insists that Cole's father is Jack Dale Smithey, to whom she claimed she was married, but records do not support this.<ref name="coleemail2" />

In 1995, Cole's friend syndicated cartoonist {{w|Ted Rall}} made an Internet post questioning the whereabouts of Jack Dale Smithey. According to the post, Smithey lived in Richmond in 1963 (the time Cole was born), and was a Merchant Marine. He later worked as a trucker for Pilot Trucking in North Carolina, but had not been heard of since 1964.<ref>http://archiver.rootsweb.ancestry.com/th/read/SURNAMES/1995-04/0798938259</ref>

Cole eventually hired a private detective who tracked down Jack Smithey in Sarasota, Florida.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails">[[Cole Smithey E-mails]]</ref>

===Ran Coleman Yeatts===
[[Image:RanColemanYeatts-WakeForestHowler1961.png|thumb|Cole's [[TRUE and HONEST]] biological father, Ran Coleman Yeatts, from the 1961 Wake Forest College yearbook.]]

Records found by Cole in Richmond show that Barb married one Ran ''Cole''man Yeatts in June 1961. Yeatts was born in {{w|Pittsylvania County, Virginia}} but grew up in {{w|South Hill, Virginia|South Hill}}, a town about 35 miles east of Red Oak which also happens to be the hometown of Barb's mother Carrie and her moonshiner dad.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071320/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/timesdispatch/obituary.aspx?n=Ran-Yeatts&pid=88787372</ref> As late as 1960 he was enrolled at {{w|Wake Forest College}} in {{w|Winston-Salem, North Carolina}} (now Wake Forest University). He was scheduled to graduate in 1961, the year he and Barb married.<ref>http://www.archive.org/stream/howler1960wake/howler1960wake_djvu.txt</ref> Coincidentally, Bob Chandler was also living in Winston-Salem around the same time, where he was married to Patricia Faye Harley and working as an engineer.

According to their marriage certificate, Ran was living in Richmond at the time of the marriage, while Barb was still living in Red Oak. They were married at a Baptist church in {{w|Wylliesburg, Virginia}} near Red Oak (which the divorce documents misspell as "Sylliesburg").

A divorce was granted to Barb on 15 May 1963, at which point she was pregnant with Cole and living in Richmond. The decree states that Ran deserted her on 28 April 1962, although the final digit in "1962" appears to have been altered from a "3". Cole was born on 24 July 1963.

To further fuel Cole's rage, Yeatts would visit him during his childhood and was introduced as a "friend of the family".<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" /> After Cole hired a private detective, Barbara hung up on him when he called to ask about his father.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />

Yeatts later remarried and died aged 67 on 6 June 2007. His obituary in the ''Richmond Times-Dispatch'' makes no mention of Cole or Barb, although Ran did have a grandson also named Cole.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071320/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/timesdispatch/obituary.aspx?n=Ran-Yeatts&pid=88787372</ref>

<center><gallery>
File:1961 6 17 - Barb and Ran marriage license.jpeg|1961 6 17 - Barb and Ran marriage license
File:1963 5 15 - Barb, Ran divorce.jpeg|1963 5 15 - Barb, Ran divorce
</gallery></center>

===Jerry Harmon===
Jerry Harmon is Barbara's former lover and alleged sinister step-father of [[Cole Smithey]], Chris's older half-brother. Barbara claims to have married Jerry after her relationships with Jack Dale Smithey and Ran Coleman Yeatts. However, in the course of Cole's investigation into his family history, he was unable to find a marriage certificate.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />

{{quote|I grew up in an abusive household with Barbara and my former stepfather Jerry, where physical and mental punishments ran the gambit from bare-assed beatings to cold showers to bizarre scenarios acted out with glee by two deeply neurotic adults... Even at a very young age, I knew that they would abandon me. They were both irresponsible and incompetent parents who exposed me to traumas that I would rather not remember.|Cole on Barb and Jerry's parenting skills.<ref name="Cole Smithey E-mails" />}}
{{-}}

In his article [[Saturday Night Special]], Cole would further elaborate about his first step-father. According to Cole, Jerry was a professional magician who lived with Barbara in a second-floor apartment adjacent to the campus of Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond during the early 1970s. Jerry allegedly kept a gun in his nightstand drawer, which his stepson would play with, and was out cheating on his wife when an intruder came to the apartment, leaving Barb to have to fire the gun to scare them off. The shot ricocheted and nearly killed Cole as a result, hitting the wall a hair's breadth behind his head.

==Marriage with Bob==
[[File:1980 6 7 - Borb marriage license.jpeg|thumb|1980 6 7 - Borb's marriage license]]
[[File:Barab?.JPG|thumb|left|Seen in the background of a 2020 photograph; this is probably Barb's wedding portrait]]
Bob and Barbara met at "Maddy's Pub" in Richmond<ref>[[April 2012 Facebook posts#Fear of the future]]</ref> (probably Matt's British Pub in Shockoe Slip, where Bob was a sing-along leader in the late 1970s)<ref>[[IT TOOK A TALKING BEAR TO GIVE THE NAME A YOUNG BOY LOVES]]</ref> on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and [[Bob]] was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> Cole's friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, vividly recalled them being a pair of drunken dumbasses.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-1.PNG|24 July 2007 email #1 from Cole to Chris]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" /> Later that year Bob was transferred from Richmond to [[Charlottesville]]. They settled in the outlying suburb of [[Ruckersville]].

Barbara worked for several years for Virginia Power (VEPCO, today called [[Wikipedia:Dominion Energy|Dominion Energy]]) in the finance department.<ref>[[June_2021_social_media_posts]]</ref>

On September 1992, Chris and Bob moved from Ruckersville to Chesterfield County.<ref>[[Chris's Wikipedia profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> Barbara did not accompany them, but rather remained in Ruckersville. Chris claimed that the separation allowed Barbara to continue working at her job with Virginia Power until retirement, and that she still visited Bob and Chris on every weekend during the time she lived separately from them. After going into retirement when Chris was in the eighth grade (in early 1996), Barbara came to live with her husband and son in Chesterfield.<ref>[[Mailbag 32#Chris is no stranger to stupid name changes]]</ref><ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>

With both Barbara and Bob retired, they spent their twilight years from 2000 onward living in their Ruckersville home with Chris. It is difficult to ascertain what their relationship was like, but sources such as the tour of the house would suggest that Chris's parents neglected the [[14_Branchland_Court|family home]] and spent most of their time apart in separate areas of the house. According to Chris, Barbara had not had sex with Bob for at least two decades before his death. They began sleeping in different rooms sometime around the mid-2000s "because they're not as close as they should, used to or can be".<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref> It can be presumed that as they got older, they grew more distant, but never to the point of wanting a divorce.

Barbara became a widow on 6 September 2011 when Bob died.<ref name="BobObit">http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071324/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref>

==Treatment of Chris==

[[File:Barbara1993cropped.png|thumb|Barb c. 1993]]
[[Image:0033-MommasBirthday.jpg|thumb|left|Age was not kind to Barb.]]

===Abuse and manipulation===
{{quote|And he told me of mom saying she was going to pack up and leave the house, then I ran downstairs, finding her on the couch; she was soo miserable and sad; she talked of Wanting to Die, "you don't even have to change my clothes, you can just bury me in what I have on." I was soo sad and crying and soo sorry for the way I misbehaved; we hugged and made up a bit.|An example of Barb's manipulation.<ref name=magfest>[[Gal Pal E-mails 3#Borb vs MAGfest]]</ref>}}

Barb has had a long history of abusing and/or [[Chris and manipulation|manipulating]] her children. For example, she has often used threats of suicide to guilt Chris into obeying her whims. When Bob and Chris once tried to discuss cleaning the hoard to Barb, she responded by threatening suicide.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/yt-1-12-skylanders-imaginators-leader-christine-w-chandler-random-review-n-stuff.27570/page-9#post-2020225 </ref>
She also threatened suicide to her family during the [[Ivy]] Saga, supposedly as a response to the stress she was going through.<ref name="IvyQ&A"/>

In an episode from 2011, when Chris failed to book himself a hotel room for [[MAGfest]], due to being broke, and planned to sleep in his car,<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 29]]</ref> Barb prevented him from going by pointing out the "crime risk and chilly temperatures", threatening to lock him out of their house, claiming that she would pack up and leave, and later told him she wanted to die. After Chris folded and went to his room to cry about it, she gave him a "half-payment of a copy of DC Universe Online to make up for not allowing [him] to go".<ref name=magfest></ref> Later that year, after Chris became a [[tomgirl]], Barb tried to stop him from wearing dresses and make-up by telling him she feared he would kill her. She then ordered him to sit down, and she cut his hair.<ref name="jackie26">[[Jackie E-mails 26]]</ref>

It also appears that Chris's diet is not a concern for Barb.The night after the Chandler family moved back to Ruckersville, Bob and Chris refused a spaghetti dinner offered by Barb. As a response, Barb decided to forego cooking for her family and has not made a meal for Chris since then.<ref>See emails sent by [[Jackie E-mails 24|Chris to Jackie on 24 and 26 April 2011]].</ref>

In addition, Barb has used the specter of old age for her own gain, by manipulating Chris into thinking she will have a heart attack. This tactic has been used so often that Chris will panic and call 911 if Barb does not answer the phone when he calls her to check up on her when he is out of the house.<ref>Comments from Marvin on Kiwi Farms, gone when the site was taken down.</ref> When Barb and Chris were both arrested for [[assault and battery]], Chris was extremely worried about her health, saying in an e-mail:

{{quotebox|My mother fought the police in my defense, and she was handcuffed and I was emotionally distraught, I screamed and Screamed and SCREAMED, until an ambulance came for my mother to take her to UVA Hospital; she was okay, but her Blood Pressure was high.

I prayed a LOT to Jesus for my release and safe return home with my mother. And I banged the cell door with both my feet while lying on a folding mattress on the floor (to get those bastards to let me see and talk to my mother

Only after seeing my mother in her suit pass by my second cell, did I start to calm down. I was REALLY WORRIED about my mother and her health. She Needed Me, and I Needed Her.}}

The [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] summed up Chris's relationship with Barb:

{{quoteboxgreen|Well, I don't think they talk very much. However, no, Chris is Barb's hand servant. She screams for him and he comes running. She has him change the newspaper the dogs shit on, she has him run errands to bring her stuff, and she used to have him haul her goodwill crap to the car, and then from the car into the house.

''...''

I think Barb's yelling has gotten much less frequent nowadays. It seems like she's pretty feeble nowadays. Chris is just as scared of Barb as he used to be though. I don't think he realizes how much power he has over Barb nowadays.

They're really physically affectionate in a strange way. Chris is pretty touchy feely with women because of habits he learned by spending time with Barb.<ref>https://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:YAJnFcGDS9kJ:https://kiwifarms.net/threads/is-chris-really-qualified-to-be-caring-for-barb.16435/page-4+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us</ref>}}

After Bob died, Barb's abuse of Chris escalated. She treated him as a slave and forced him to be on-call at all times. Around [[2013]], she forced Chris to move out of his bedroom, specifically so she could bark orders at him more efficiently, by throwing a tantrum and wrecking his possessions.

{{quoteboxgreen|a few months to a year before the fire, Chris stopped being permitted to sleep separately from Barb, in his bedroom. He had to sleep closer to Barb, because she needed to be able to yell for him to go to [[sheetz]] and buy her crap, and he wasn't able to hear her up in his bedroom. He kind of tried to resist at first, but then she got super pissed and threw a tantrum. She wrecked his room and like flipped everything over because he was trying to sleep on his own.<ref>https://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:YAJnFcGDS9kJ:https://kiwifarms.net/threads/is-chris-really-qualified-to-be-caring-for-barb.16435/page-4+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us</ref>}}

===Financial exploitation===
{{quote|she is also being Very Annoying. “Christine, Let’s put this random good item on eBay. I REALLY Need the Money for not only my bill payments, but also, we need more food here. I am greedy too.”

“OH! You sold something of Yours? I Want $50 From That”, she is constantly pestering and bugging me. Nowadays, Nearly every time she comes downstairs to talk or chill, my Impulsive, Subconscious feeling of her presence is Cringe and “Oh, No! She’s gonna Bug Me Again of the Da** Finances Again!”|Chris<ref>[[September 2018 social media posts]]</ref>}}

===Pampering===
{{quote|Yeah, but then my Mom is pretty much jealous of me loving another woman more than her.|Chris, describing his {{w|Oedipus complex}}.<ref>[[Mumble 10]]</ref>}}

{{quote|Yes, dear.|Chris, addressing Barb<ref>[[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04142017]]</ref>}}

<center>
<gallery>
File:Parenting Interview 001.jpg|Barb and Bob's answers on a parenting quiz.
File:Parenting Interview 002.jpg|The second page.
</gallery>
</center>

[[Image:0028-ChristopherWMom1.jpg|thumb|Barbara evolved into Snorlax as she raised Chris.]]

According to Cole, Bob and Barbara left Chris alone every day for years with the [[abusive babysitter]] while going out drinking, effectively ignoring the manifestation of the earliest symptoms of autism.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-3.PNG|6 March 2007 email from Cole to Chris, page 3]]</ref> After Chris's initial diagnosis, and after their negligence was inevitably thrown back in their face, Barbara resorted to any means necessary to coax Chris into talking, most notoriously by bribing him with toys.<ref>[[Song of Christian]]</ref>

[[Image:ImWorkingOnIt.png|thumb|left|Chris and Barbara in an intimate moment.]]

While both of Chris's parents are largely responsible for his current state, Barb has more often than not been the most active in protecting Chris from recognizing any failure or shortcoming on his part, doing everything from being his sole commission with [[Cutco]] to going as his date to his [[Manchester High School#The Senior Prom|senior prom]].

This pattern of accountability continues even into Chris's adult years. On at least two occasions, most notably after he was banned permanently, Barbara visited [[the GAMe PLACe]] attempting to protect and defend her little snowflake and argue his case with [[Michael Snyder]], but to no avail.

As first evidenced by the "GAMe PLACe/4Chan picture" incident, she is extremely paranoid regarding Chris's online misadventures, likely because she fears that he'll [[Jerkhief|get]] [[Bagget|arrested]] and [[28 October 2011|go to prison]]. Given some of the violent states of some of his videos and Chris's [[Arrest|track record]], she is probably not too far from the truth. She may also suspect that Chris is a [[pedofork|pedophile]], as she [[Mumble 10| thought it was possible that he may have fallen for a ''To Catch a Predator''-esque sting operation]] during the [[Julie]] fiasco. She even seems to suspect that [[Megan Schroeder]], one of the few women Chris has known who ''was not'' out to troll him, is partially responsible for the persecution he has endured over the years. She does her part to keep his activities under control by acting as Chris's personal concierge, as seen when she interrogated [[Ivy]] for about half an hour before letting her speak to Chris.<ref name="IvyQ&A">[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref>

Barbara constantly babies Chris and tells him how handsome he is.<ref>[[Sonichu Girls]] and [[White knight emails]]</ref> She also told Chris that the reason he often "blanks out" or gets confused is not that he is an absent-minded, slothful buffoon, but that he is a "[[Chris and art|creative genius]] and is simply overwhelmed by having so many creative ideas".<ref>[[Kacey Call 12]]</ref>

However, it seems that even Barb has her limits. Like Bob, she was [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|ashamed of Chris's effeminate escapades]], claiming that she did not raise a daughter, and that "tomgirl" is not a thing. [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Mothers|She tried and failed]] to get Chris to stop wearing a bra and panties, even offering to pay him to stop.

===Spooning===
{{quote|I, myself, Did have dreams of having sex with my mother.|[[August 2016 Facebook posts#Incestuous Thoughts|One result of Barb's parenting choices, as explained by Chris in August 2016.]]
}}

To cap off their relationship, Chris revealed in private conversations with multiple people that Barb has spooned with him.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxGU4nSlX0M ''PVCC NEW info: on Chris and Barbara spoon eachother!'' (YouTube)]</ref>

From [[Arthur Spatchcock]], on Chris sleeping with his mother:

{{quoteboxred|Story time, kids. Now most of us are aware of the fire; how Barb and Chris were displaced for some time while the house was getting renovated. You know how Chris was all whiny about his legos, right? Some getting melted, shit like that...well he kind of left out that his own bed was ruined as well given it had years of grease soaked into it because not bathing is so chic in his eyes. So when they got back home Chris didn't have his own bed anymore so he was sharing one with Barb instead. This came with the horrifying addendum that Barb wanted to spoon with him; I don't know if he was little spoon or big spoon but I know she was unimpressed and one night just unloaded on him angrily enough that Chris decided to get his own bed with his own money. So it goes without saying that from the time Chris and Barb got back home [[DStecks|until he got that grand]] he was sleeping in the same bed as his mother.<ref>https://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:BN2t1QLl1LoJ:https://kiwifarms.net/threads/fb-4-11-e-begging-intensifies.19356/page-5+&cd=6&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us</ref>}}

In August 2016, the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] observed Chris and Barb in public during a court hearing:<ref>[[26 December 2014]]</ref>

{{quoteboxred|Barb and Chris are way too physically intimate. It's one thing to describe their creepy relationship, it's quite another to watch it IRL. They hold hands and Chris is always putting his arm around her and rubbing her shoulders sensually. That's shit I'd do to someone I'd want to bang. Not a family member. It's weird.}}

{{quote|I am not a "Bates". OMG. |Chris, in denial<ref>[[Misc texts]]</ref>}}

Barb's habit of cuddling with Chris had been going on since Bob was alive, and he knew of it, but, due to Barb's manipulation, he was not able to stop her.<ref>http://archive.is/zwWV9</ref> In [[August 2016]], Chris [[Honest content|admitted]] to having [[Chris and sex#Dreams of sex with Barb|incestuous fantasies about Barb]], prompting further analysis of their uncomfortably intimate relationship. Chris sometimes refers to her as [[Darling|"dear" or "darling"]], as he usually does for [[DoopieDoOver|would-be sweethearts]]. In his [[Twitch#CLog 04172018 - Buy My Toys|April 2018 Twitch stream]], when Chris got his mother to reluctantly say "[[Random-access humor|turn me loose, you silly goose]]" after hugging him, he commented that she "used to do that more [[Chris and English|flirtingly]]".

==Health problems==
===Mental===
Barb is understood by most to be a highly unstable woman, and worryingly, many of her behaviors can also be observed in Chris. Many believe her to be selfish and extremely narcissistic, on account of her baseless belief that she is [[Daniel Weston|descended from]] [[Anne Boleyn|Tudor high nobility]], and the pathological manner in which she lies and assigns blame to others, even in instances where the fault clearly lies with her. All of these traits are shared by Chris, with Barb's apparent encouragement. Additionally, many aspects of her relationship with Chris are consistent with [https://web.archive.org/web/20201112020245/https://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/mothers-with-narcissistic-personality-disorder/ narcissistic motherhood], which is a fascinating, but complex, topic too lengthy to be discussed in detail here. Although Chris seems to be her [https://web.archive.org/web/20201112024302/https://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/golden-child-and-scapegoat/ "golden child"], she does not shy from mistreating him if he displeases her. This can be seen in an email to [[Jackie]] from May 2011; Chris claimed that his mother flew into a rage over his [[tomgirl]] inclinations, forcing him to submit to a haircut and [[Death threats|threatening to kill him]].<ref name="jackie26" />

Aside from her narcissism, Barb is also infamous to Christorians for her hoarding. During Chris's youth, she would create piles of clothes as tall as her son.<ref>[[June 2021 social media posts#Chris begins larping as his youngerself]]</ref> Chris has labelled her a "pack rat",<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref> and on more than one occasion has indicated his displeasure at her hoarding and the consequent state of [[14 Branchland Court|their house]], although neither he nor Bob are known to have ever seriously challenged it. Barb compulsively hoards her purchases, particularly from Goodwill, which, by [[2009]], had rendered the living room uninhabitable.<ref>[[Tour of Chris's House]]</ref> When Bob was admitted to the hospital for the final time, he was quarantined for bug bites, ostensibly due to the conditions in the Chandler household.<ref>[[Rocky Shoemaker call]]</ref> The situation did not improve after Bob's passing, either. A [[Tour of Chris's House II|second house tour video]] made by Chris in [[2013]] revealed that Barb's hoarding had gotten severe enough to render entire rooms completely inaccessible, with some rooms literally full of stuff to within inches of the ceiling, and others reduced to crevices carved into walls of junk.

Barb's hoarding was predicted by many to lead to disaster, and finally did on [[10 January 2014]], when Chris started a house fire in the morning while trying to brew coffee in the bathroom, because the kitchen had been among the rooms blocked off by Barb's junk. Naturally, Barb's hoard provided ample kindling for the fire, and the house was severely damaged before the fire could be contained. In fact, given the state of the house in the second tour video, it's surprising that Chris and Barb were able to escape. Unsurprising, however, is the fact that one of the Chandlers' remaining cats died in the blaze, and one of the firefighters sent to the scene also suffered unspecified injuries.

While the Chandlers [[Rental House|relocated]], pending repairs to their home, Barb's stuff went into storage. When repairs were completed a year later, Barb had all of it moved back to 14 Branchland Court, and is not known to have disposed of any of it, even though, by all accounts, most of what she and Chris were able to salvage is either fire, smoke or water damaged, rendering it completely useless. This was confirmed in April 2017, when Chris mentioned the laundry room contained a "mountain pile" of 20-40 bags of dirty, damaged clothing which had not been washed since the fire occurred.<ref>[[April 2017 Facebook posts#Offering The Classic shirt for $12,000 minimum]]</ref>

===Weight===
[[Image:Cheers01.jpg|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]

Like Chris, Barbara has previously been [[obesity|obese]]. In her youth, Barbara was reasonably slim, but, along with Chris, ballooned out as the 2000s rolled along, to the point of resembling an American {{w|Rose West}}. Her massive size earned her the affectionate nickname '''Snorlax''' from the [[trolls]]. Barb's size may have led to her [[Chris and stress|sleeping a lot]]<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref> and usually skipping [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].<ref>[[Church audio]]</ref>

However, according to eyewitness reports, Barbara lost weight in 2012.<ref>[[This is how the Trial went‎]]</ref> Her weight loss is visible in photos Chris took of her at a 2012 Mythbusters tour stop in Washington, DC.<ref>[[:File:BarbMarch2012.png]]</ref>

This has continued into her old age. When she attended Chris's [[26 December 2014|court hearings]] throughout [[2015]], Christorians in attendance invariably noted that although she has lost weight, she appears to have low muscle mass; probably due to her sedentary lifestyle. In particular, at [[26 December 2014#15 October Hearing|his last hearing]], it was noted that Barb appeared to be growing increasingly frail and possibly senile, as she did not present as very responsive, and appeared much more submissive to Chris than she has otherwise been known to be. Chris also reportedly got short with her due to her poor hearing.

In 2018, Chris decided to cash in on the Snorlax joke, claiming that his mother found it funny. He listed a plush Snorlax for sale on [[eBay]], at $200.

{{quote|Hey, Everyone! Those in the meme-know: the times when my mother used to be large and lazy, everyone called her a Snorlax. Well, Barbara likes the joke too, and can laugh it off as she is doing a lot better these days. So, one time only, she signed a Snorlax Plush, and YOU can own it; a 20% More Awesome Collectible. A personal Certificate or Letter of Authenticity will be included. Thank you.}}

<center>
<gallery>
Cashinginsnorlax.png
Snorlax1.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==="Holey buttocks"===
In a [[Twitter|tweet]] to Cole from June 29, 2013, Chris tells him that "[he] ought to be over here putting bandages on [their] Mom's holey buttocks". It was not clear exactly what sort of problem this referred to, though it hardly sounds pleasant. On October 14, 2013, Chris elaborated in a Facebook post, stating, "my mother stresses me with her continuous rants about her damn miniature scabie flies, her suffering, the [[Financhu_Crisis|low finances]] and shit!!!". Consensus was that the so-called "holey buttocks" were, in fact, lesions. It is now believed that Barb currently has a colony of parasitic mites, rather than flies, that have burrowed into her prodigious posterior. Naturally, while Barb is being eaten alive by parasites other than Chris, her child whines about having to take care of her.

===Dental===
In August 2014, Chris begged for money on [[Facebook]], [[Lego|supposedly]] to pay dental fees, as he claimed his mother had cavities in her teeth which needed treatment. In July 2016, Barb herself begged for money.<ref>[[Donations Further Requested, Please]]</ref> Chris and Barb restarted this begging for dental fees for Barb in early 2018.

===Other===
In [[October 2009]], Barbara spent her birthday at the hospital with what the Chandlers thought was food poisoning.<ref name="9 October 2009">[[9 October 2009]]</ref> Barbara was diagnosed with {{w|colitis}}, a gastrointestinal disease characterized by the inflammation of the colon. It manifests in diarrhea and cramps. Which kind of colitis has yet to be determined. It seems the Chandler family's diet has finally come to affect her, and in order to survive she will have to change her eating habits; considering their stubbornness, this clearly will end badly.

Hearing the plight of the Chandler family, [[Trolls|fans]] of Sonichu created the website "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" to spread awareness regarding AIDS and to collect donations for research foundations and charities.<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20201009073942/https://sites.google.com/site/barbarachandlerhasaids/home "Barbara Chandler Has AIDS" Awareness Website]</ref> Chris himself denied the rumor.<ref name="9 October 2009"/>

On 23 August 2013, Chris revealed that Barbara had been afflicted with breast cancer but managed to survive.<ref>[[Facebook#Breast Cancer Awareness]]</ref> He did not give details about when was she diagnosed with the ailment, at what stage it was or what kind of treatment Barb received.

==Aging==
{{quote|They treat, they treat you very badly in there. She, she would, she, she, she would never want me to put her into a home, and I would not do that.|Chris, August 2014<ref>[[Catie Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>}}

[[File:Barb reacts to Quinn.jpg|thumb|200px|Barb, aged 76, tissue in hand, comforting Chris after [[Jessica Quinn]] broke up with him.]]

In November 2015, [[Family Needs to appreciate Family]] was uploaded to YouTube. The video is a plea for [[Cole Smithey]], [[David Alan Chandler]] and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]] to visit Barb before "her time runs out", even though the latter two are not Barb's progeny.

On 13 July 2016, Barb unexpectedly starred in [[Donations Further Requested, Please|one of Chris's e-begging videos]]. In the minute-long video, she speaks slowly and almost inaudibly, hardly moving or blinking for the entirety of the video. While some have voiced concerns that this may be an early sign of dementia, it is just as likely that Barb, being a manipulative narcissist, was putting on an act for money. She has since re-appeared in numerous other e-begging videos from Chris, including multiple in [[August 2018]]; her appearance is frail and quite frazzled, and her sentences are often punctuated with tons of "ums" and "uhs", along with extended pauses.

[[File:Barbovertime.gif|left]]
[[File:Our signatures00001.png |thumb|right|Barb and Chris in March 2018, the former wearing the [[$400 gold necklace]].]]
In August 2016, [[Anna McLerran]] posted a photo on Facebook of herself and Barb together.<ref>[[:File:Barb and anna.jpg|With Anna, presumably in August 2016.]]</ref> In it, Barb appears to have aged significantly since her last appearance in the "Donations Further Requested, Please" video.

In November 2016, Barb escaped injury when she slipped and fell.<ref>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Barb slips and falls]]</ref>

Chris has been increasingly tasked with helping Barb around the house in her elderly age. He stated in April 2017 that he was taking care-giving classes.<ref>[[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04272017]]</ref> Barb is seen in [[Minor Update, Handouts!]], a begging video, in which Chris demands money because Barb drinks costly "meal replacement shakes", possibly referring to a drink such as Ensure.
{{clear}}

==Legal problems==
On [[28 October 2011]], Chris and Barb were caught in an incident with [[The GAMe PLACe]], and were actually arrested with several serious charges, with Barb's including felony assault and failure to stop. The two were later released on bail. After a succession of court hearings, Barb, along with her son, was arraigned on her felony charges on 10 July 2012. She was sentenced to community service and was put under a two-year probation, as well as being ordered to pay Michael Snyder's medical bills. When informed of the latter fact during the trial, Chris explained that his mother, a retired, obese, seventy-year-old woman, would take care of the charges for him. No one was particularly surprised at this revelation.

==Financial problems==
[[File:Barb's blankets ebay listings photos 01.jpg |Barb advertising blankets for sale in summer 2018.|thumb|250px]]

Barb lives off social security ({{w|Retirement Insurance Benefits}}) and a small pension from her old job; about $14,000 a year.<ref>https://archive.md/DLyOa</ref>

In 2016, Barb was sued by a Discover bank in Norfolk for not paying [[debt]]s. This came to light on [[March 2016|March 14]], [[2016]], when sharp-eyed [[Kiwi Farms|Kiwis]] noticed that she had a hearing on March 16. Since grave neglect of her debt was likely the cause of her being taken to court, it was widely assumed that she would ignore the summons too. Instead, once the court records were updated, many were surprised to see that not only had Barb attended, but she had represented herself, too. Equally unsurprisingly, this bold move failed to pay off, and Barb was still sentenced to pay $4,706.93.<ref>[[:File:Barb discover bank result.png]]</ref>

Five months later, Barb was sued again, this time by Capital One, for the same reason. The hearing in September resulted in a Default Judgement against Barb, meaning that she did not bother attending. She owes Capital One $15,906.99.<ref>[[:File:Barb vs Capital One Bank result.png]]</ref>

Her out-of-control debt was the catalyst for the [[Financhu Crisis]] of 2016.

In June through July of that year, Barb appeared in three videos:

*[[Donations Required, Serious. Please help]]
*[[Donations Requested, Please]]
*[[Donations Further Requested, Please]]

In the videos, she and Chris beg for donations, claiming to need money for her asthma medication and dental work (although they receive a combined amount of $2,500 per month from the government<ref>[[Chris and money#But wait, Chris isn't employed!]]</ref> and their costly hoards are clearly visible behind them). See the Appearances section for more appearances by Barb.

She has failed to take accountability for ruining the family's finances, trying to pin the blame on Chris,<ref>[[Patreon announcement]]</ref> even though her known debt of over $20,000 is much larger than Chris's.

She and Chris had an inheritance from Bob worth "tens of thousands of dollars" when he passed away, but Barb decided to frivolously spend it on [[Rob Bell]] in an attempt to gain exoneration for her [[assault and battery]] charge.

In summer 2018, she joined forces with Chris in selling stuff on [[eBay]], including items from her hoard and her autographs, which some fans bought.

==Appearances==

===In ''Sonichu''===
[[File:Bc.PNG|thumb|200px|Chris gets to live out his fantasy of being (and having) an adequate son.]]

In [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], Barbara makes a brief appearance in "Classic Sonichu Strips".

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], the male [[Dating education#In Sonichu|Dating Education]] students are given Barbara dolls to talk to.

In the 2015 revisions to [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris wrote out Bianca's character and replaced her with his mother.

According to the [[CWCipedia]], [[Sandy Rosechu]] and [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children]] go to Anneweston Elementary School.<ref>[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Wild_Sonichu Wild Sonichu]</ref> It is unknown whether or not Sonichu and Rosechu's children still go that school after their [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children#Sonichu and Rosechu's children|evolution]].

[[File:Chandlers & Sonichus.jpg|200px|thumb|left]]

In [[Sonichu 11|''Sonichu'' #11]], Barb is photoshopped into a "family photo" alongside Chris, Bob and the various Chus.

[[File:Borb, Sonichu12.jpg|200px|thumb|In ''Sonichu'' #12.]]

In [[Sonichu 12|''Sonichu'' #12]], Barb is in a set of pages that is a cross between Chris writing an autobiographical account of himself coming out as a tomgirl to his parents and a tribute to his late father.

Due to Chris's Oedipal complex, Barb is depicted as much more youthful than Bob, even though she was nearly 70 at the time. She is also drawn as being freakishly tall compared to Chris and Bob, despite being shorter than both in real-life, though this may just be Chris's inability to keep his characters properly-proportioned at work. Barb expresses surprise at her son's announcement on being trans. Chris states that she was "hesitant for a long while", but "got used to my subtle and more changes".

This is a drastic understatement, as the real-life Barb tried to stop his [[tomgirl]] lifestyle in ways including suicide threats, guilt trips (by claiming that she was worried Chris would kill her), paying him to stop cross-dressing, and even ordering him to submit to a haircut. If her attitude towards him cooled, it was only out of resignation rather than acceptance. Evidence of this is when she became angry with him again after finding out that he had successfully changed his name in 2016.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/yt-6-11-cwcville-shopping-is-on-vacation.21491/page-5#post-1518208</ref>

[[File:Chandler family as ponies.png|200px|thumb|left|Barb, pictured at left, as ''Sugar Darling'', in a [[My Little Pony|MLP]]-inspired drawing from [[August 2017]].]]

In August 2017, Chris unveiled a drawing of the Chandler family depicted as [[My Little Pony]] characters, saying they will make further appearances in [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]].

{{clear}}

===As toys===
<center><gallery>
File:LegoSnorlax.jpg|As [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] sees her in [[Lego]] form.
File:BarbAmiibo.jpg|Barb [[Amiibo]], complete with cleavage, which Chris offered for sale on [[Etsy]] in [[November 2015]].
File:Barb drawing Nov. '15.jpg|Promo drawing for the Amiibo.
File:Barbara Anne Rosechu TSSSF card.png|As a [[TSSSF]] card. Note that Chris calls her a "redneck tomboy" and her power is to steal a shipping partner.
</gallery></center>

===Audio===
* Private Skype chat with [[Sarah May]].
* 4 [[February 2009]], [[Mumble 2]]: Barbara denies singing while vacuuming [[Chris's room]].
* 17 [[February 2009]], [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]]: Barbara talks to Chris but when Julie wants to talk to her, Barbara says she isn't "able to talk to anybody right now".
* [[March 2009]]: Barbara takes over the phone from Chris when Clyde [[Clyde#Prostitutes|calls after the date with Emily]].
* [[Kacey Call 15]]: Chris keeps [[Kacey]] on the phone for nearly fourteen minutes while Barb talks about the value of [[Chris and his Ego|humility]], her poor health, and her relationship with Bob, among other things.
* [[November 2009]], [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]: Barbara tells Chris to "just hang up on the bitch!"
* 10 [[August 2010]], [[Matthew Noble call]]: Barbara claims that Megan "lied" to Chris and abruptly hangs up mid-sentence. Throughout the call, she can be heard denying that she and Bob are the slightest bit in the wrong. At one point she complains about the time Michael Snyder kicked her and Chris out of the GAMe PLACe following Chris's final ban from the store.
* [[Prank calls]]: Barbara yells in the background and foreground of several prank calls.

===Videos===
Barbara has appeared in several videos: off-camera in the [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]], and on-camera (for the first time) in [[You're Always Pretty]]. [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004|Two decade-old videos]] were leaked in December 2014 showing the Chandlers celebrating Christmas. Another video of her was recorded by a [[troll]] as she and Chris left court after his hearing in February 2015.

She has most frequently appeared during the [[Financhu Crisis]].

[[Donations Required, Serious. Please help|Two more]] [[Donations Requested, Please|videos]] were released June 2016 showing Chris begging for donations to buy asthma pills for Barbara. Barbara is shown practically dead in both of these videos so [[Chris and Death|god only knows what will happen in the near future.]]

In a [[Donations Further Requested, Please|video]] released on 13 July 2016, Barbara joins her son in shamelessly e-begging. Her voice tired and hoarse, mouth agape, she stares directly into the camera like a deer caught in the headlights.

She resumed begging in a [[EMERGENCY HOME UPDATE|video]] from April 2017, in which she wears a [[$400 gold necklace]] while asking Chris's audience to give him $1,000 in exchange for his old [[Stamps|stamp album]].

She next appeared in [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04142017]], when she walked in while Chris was recording.

After a more uploads from Chris, Barb starred another begging video uploaded on 24 May 2017, titled [[We Said Donations No Less than $1 00, US, Please]]. Chris removed the video the next day, after people threatened to report him for elder abuse.

After the last failed attempt of getting donations, Barb and Chris engaged in yet another begging video on 16 June 2017, titled [[We need immediate funds, please]]. Ironically, she wore both the [[$400 gold necklace]] and a pearl necklace.

Almost a month had passed, without any appearances from Barb. With Chris getting decent amounts of funds from his [[Patreon]] account, there no longer seemed to be a desire to beg. On 14 July 2017, she makes a small voice-only cameo in a [[Soda Awawawawa Puccho Candy Response]], screaming at him for not closing the front door. She also comments in [[Solar Eclipse Vlogs]], asking Chris if he's ready to go back inside after the eclipse ends.

Barb's first appearance on-video in 2018 was in [[Selling Vintage Comic Books (Cole Smithey’s Comic Books)]]. She appeared a couple of weeks later in [[Our signatures]] to demonstrate that her signature, a key selling point in the comic sales, was real. On 9 April, Barb appeared for the seventh time during the Financhu Crisis to beg in [[Buy Our Things off of my eBay to help us, Please.]]

On 16 April, a [[April 2018 Paid Video Requests|bizarre video of a few seconds of Barb standing in a doorway]] was posted to the [[CWCki Club]]. On the 17th, she appeared as a guest on Chris's [[Twitch]] stream.

On 8 May, Barb appeared in [[WE NEED MONEY FOR MORTGAGE NOW, PLEASE!]]. Two days later, Barb appeared in [[May 2018 Paid Video Requests|paid videos giving shout-outs to school shooters Nicholas Cruz and Adam Lanza]].

She watched Chris spray-paint his shoes (and his bedroom carpet) in [[Shoe Colouring]], sitting in the same room with poor ventilation.

In summer 2018, she appears in multiple videos to promote her partnership with Chris's eBay business: [[My Mother WORKED Hard, Spent Hard; Needs Money NOW.]], [[Barbara Chandler will be making out autographed photos and posters.]] and [[Barbara’s Blankets]]. She then begged for her car payment money in [[Mother needs a car payment]].

[[Barb confirms she isn't dead]] was her next appearance, a rare non-begging video.

Chris (possessed by [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]) got Barb to appear on camera in [[Watching TF2 Analysis Anarchy Red Vs Blue Part 3]] (12 June 2020).

==Gallery==

<center>
<gallery>
Image:Babs1956.PNG|Barb's 8th grade (or "Pre-Freshman") photo.
Image:Babs1957.PNG|Barb's freshman photo from high school.
File:Chris's family tree up to his great great grandparents.png|Chris's family tree up to his great-great-grandparents.
Image:0002-1-Baby Chris and Mommy.jpg|Barbara with baby Chris. Oh, how full of hope and promise.
Image:0027-ChristopherWMom2.jpg|"Talk, you little idiot!"
Image:0026-ChrisAndMom.jpg
Image:0107-ChristianWMom.jpg|This is when ''[[The Simpsons]]'' went downhill.
Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg
Image:0096-MomRetire4.jpg|Barbara's retirement party from secretarial services at Virginia Power in 1996.<ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg|DVD, note 2]]</ref>
Image:0029-BarbaraWithDrinks.jpg
Image:0113-MomsBirthday97-1.jpg|From her 55th birthday.
Image:0229-ChristianAndMomInClass.jpg
Image:0037-BarbaraInGreen.jpg|Nothing says the 80s like a woman in a power suit and a lady tie.
Image:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|Barb with [[Aunt Corrina]], Uncle Tom, and Aunt Harriet.
Image:0042-BarbaraCorinaHerrietAndElvis.jpg|The King left the building when he started to notice the foul smell of the Chandler house.
Image:0618-BarbaraIs60-1.jpg|Poor Barb, Chris put [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] on HER birthday cake.
Image:0074-BarbaraWSonicDoll.jpg
Image:0540-Prom2.jpg|It was originally believed this image was from Chris's graduation. Turns out this is from his senior prom, where he took his mom as his date.
Image:0549-Prom11.jpg|Barb talking to [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]], one of Chris's [[gal pal]]s, at the prom.
Image:Babura.PNG|Barb [[You're Always Pretty|is always pretty]].
BarbMarch2012.png|Barb in 2012, having devolved from a Snorlax into a Munchlax.
File:SnoopyDoobieDoo.png|With [[Snoopy]] in [[2013]].
Image:Barb 2016.JPG|During 2016.
File:Barb and anna.jpg|With Anna, presumably in August 2016.
File:Chandlers.Png|Barb and Chris. Barb is interrupting Chris during a live [[YouTube]] stream.
File:Certificate of Authenticity with Barb's signature.jpg|Barb's signature on a Certificate of Authenticity, included with [[2018 Sales Listings|the purchase of one of Cole's comics]].
Barb autograph photo listing.jpg|Barb with autographed photo of herself
File:Chris's 37th birthday 2.jpg|Barb during Chris's 37th birthday.
File:BarbPhoto20Aug.jpg|[[August 2019]].
File:Barb 11-19-2019.jpg|Barb in [[November 2019]].
File:Barbjune2020.jpg|Barb during [[Analysis_Anarchy_Reaction_Livestreams#Watching_TF2_Analysis_Anarchy_Red_Vs_Blue_Part_3|a livestream]] in [[June 2020]]
File:Barb-Instagram-4.jpg|"And Barbara Anne Weston Chandler [[Chris and reality|still looks good for her wise age]]. [[May 2021|#happymothersday2021]]"
File:July11BarbPhoto2.jpg|Barb in [[July 2021]], showing off her new haircut [[July_2021_social_media_posts#Barbie_Chan|done by none other than Chris]].
</gallery>
</center>

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*<s>[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZTK7XM3N GET OFF BEFORE I GO OFF]</s> (dead link)

{{People}}
{{articleofthenow}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Barbara}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

A-Logs

2021-08-21T10:21:06Z

HarryHowler: Major rewrite needed in light of the recent revelations

{{quote|What Saddam did in the [[Father Call|Gulf War]] was small potatoes to what Chris has done.|A-Log providing a helpful example of A-Logging, by comparing Chris to a ''war criminal.''}}

{{quote|What Chris has done is small potatoes to what Saddam did in the Gulf War.|A more accurate comparison.}}

[[File:A_Log.jpg|thumb|240px|The original A-Log in all his glory.]]

'''A-Logging''', named after noted [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris-Chan]] critic '''Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto''', is a term used to describe one expressing disproportionate levels of hatred for Chris, often including wishing him physical harm, usually for perceived "crimes" that Chris is "guilty" of. The people who do this are known as '''A-Logs''', and are considered at the other end of the spectrum from [[white knight]]s; where white knights try to defend Chris from [[trolls]] and help him to improve his situation, A-Logs hold the belief that Chris is deserving of whatever scorn and harm he is subjected to, and then some. A-Logs are sometimes interchangeably referred to as [[weens]], as many A-Logs also tend to be weens and vice-versa, although weening has a different meaning to A-Logging, namely unfunny or failed attempts at trolling Chris. While once fashionable, A-Logging has become associated with people trying to "trollshield" themselves, like the original A-Log, and therefore is looked down upon by Christorians. The shocking revelations that came to light during the [[Incest|Incest Saga]] have seen A-Logging come back into vogue to some degree, though actively wishing death or physical harm upon Chris is still considered by some to be crossing the line.

==Etymology==

{{Protip|This article is about the term "A-Logging", not about Anthony LoGatto himself. This section is only meant to provide context to why this aspect of the [[Unholy Tetrad]] is named after him. If you want to read an article about LoGatto and his hypocritical campaign against Chris, alongside other shenanigans, then you should go read his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page [https://dramatica.online/index.php/Anthony_%27A-Log%27_LoGatto here].}}

A-Log was a former<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20141206104435/https://www.youtube.com/user/ALogTV According] to the Wayback Machine, LoGatto was suspended from YouTube on or before 6 December 2014 for “repeated or severe” violations of the Community Guidelines.</ref> [[YouTube]]r and "voice actor" who is known for making what can charitably be called "commentaries" on Chris. Commentary videos are meant to refute bad points and offer opinions on an opposing view; what A-Log did was make videos where he reacted to Chris, pointed out the obvious, and went on tangents about how Chris is an awful person (and how he, A-Log, is better) who needs to have harm inflicted upon him. However, A-Log's monomania led trolls to wonder what he was trying to hide, leading to them doing a bit of research on him.

The result was that A-Log became known as "Chris-Chan 2.0" because, as it happened, he had many, ''many'' faults similar to Chris himself, [[Hypocrisy|and could easily be considered worse than Chris]]. Among other things, he is a furry porn connoisseur, has made terrible erotic fanfiction, is doing a laughable college radio show (from which he was almost fired after being caught [[Mass debating|watching]] [[Bob Walks In|porn]] in the studio), was the subject of a leaked video of him doing a painfully bad stand-up routine, and much, much more. Ultimately, A-Log became subject to trolling himself, and is the inspiration for this very term. At one point, A-Log even received his own wiki called the "Logattopedia"<ref>[https://web.archive.org/web/20130403082245/http://logattopedia.wikinet.org/wiki/Main_Page Main Page - Logattopedia]</ref>, which was relatively short-lived and unpopular. He also spawned the phrase "Hi, A-Log!", used to mock A-Logs and other Internet "tough guys".

==Features of A-Logging==

There are a few qualities which are common in A-Logs, and many of them can be seen in the original A-Log's commentaries.

===Justifications for trolling Chris===
Some would argue that it is sinister and just plain wrong to mock a mentally deficient person such as Chris. A-Logs therefore try to justify trolling him by arguing that, regardless of his [[autism]] and other undiagnosed problems, he has shown that he is a bad person who "deserves" to be trolled. Many A-Logs are themselves autistic, and they can often be heard making arguments along the lines of Chris "giving autistics a bad name." Others will appeal to his many instances of bigotry (most of them debatable) as reasons to troll Chris. By establishing that Chris is a bad person, it seems to justify that Chris not only deserves the treatment he currently receives, but also deserves physical and/or psychological harm inflicted on him.

While Chris is by no means a good person and has done some horrible things, including [[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Megagi_La_Skunk_agrees_that_you_should_have_never_been_born|cursing his ex-friend for trolling him]] (which of course, she didn't), [[28 October 2011|hitting a game store owner with his car]], and [[26 December 2014|macing an innocent Gamestop assistant manager]], it is still somewhat ironic that A-Logs think the best recourse is to wish him death and curse him back. Not to mention, they tend to ignore the many factors that led Chris to behave in this way--unsurprisingly, unbridled malevolence is never one of them, as discussed in further detail below.

===Trollshielding===

Often times, people who A-Log Chris do so to "trollshield", that is, to avoid becoming subject to trolling themselves. Like A-Log himself, they tend to have many traits in common with Chris; they generally have an autism spectrum disorder, still live with their parents well into adulthood (which is somewhat justified now due to the instability of the housing market in the United States compared to when Chris graduated), are unemployed and/or are living off welfare, are [[Virgin with rage|sexually-frustrated virgins]], have trouble socializing and forming relationships, and/or are fixated on cartoons, toys and other things that most people their age would have little interest in beyond their nostalgic value. Some perhaps have even more faults than Chris, especially bizarre fetishes, as seen in the case of A-Log himself. However, A-Logs will argue that at least they are "not like Chris" and are fervent in their vitriolic condemnations of Chris so that people don't troll them instead. More often than not, as in the case of the original A-Log, this backfires and they find themselves becoming the subject of trolling.

===Standing up for groups that Chris misrepresents===

Another misguided aspect of A-Logging is the idea that bashing Chris is somehow to the benefit for marginalized groups that Chris is a part of, most notably [[Autism|autistic]] and [[transgender]] people. The argument behind this, in an A-Logger's eyes, is that it needs to be pointed out that Chris does not provide an accurate representation of those kinds of people and their communities, and that as such, he needs to be ostracized. Of course, doing so is to little benefit of the groups that are actively being oppressed and instead comes across as a flimsy excuse to aim at low-hanging fruit rather than to do something genuinely worthwhile to helping those kinds of communities. It should go without saying that making fun of or directly harassing a mentally-ill weirdo on the internet is not going to help anyone's cause.

==Arguments against A-Logging==
[[File:A-Logging in nutshell.jpg|thumb|left|A-Logging in a nutshell. You don't even need to watch the video in question; the title and thumbnail are enough.]]

While Chris is, to put it ''very'' mildly, far from perfect, it is generally accepted that calling for him to be harmed or abused like A-Logs do merely legitimizes Chris's sense of victimization, and makes the A-Logs themselves look sociopathic and unbalanced.

===Chris is not Hitler===
We really shouldn't need to point out that, while Chris is guilty of actions that could be considered [[Song for Jackie.MOV|foolish]], [[26 December 2014|immoral]], or [[Incest|downright reprehensible]], being compared to people like Saddam Hussein and Adolf Hitler is at best hyperbolic, and at worst, utter insanity. Hitler was responsible for the death of nearly 11 million civilians during World War II.<ref>[http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/Holocaust/36qs.html 36 Questions & Answers About the Holocaust]</ref> Hussein actively persecuted and murdered almost 200,000 Kurds and Shiite Muslims.<ref>[http://civilliberty.about.com/od/internationalhumanrights/p/saddam_hussein.htm The War Crimes of Iraq's Saddam Hussein]</ref> Chris's antics, depraved as some of them may have been, hardly compare to the atrocities committed by two feared and reviled dictators; for much of his life he was just a gullible idiot who spent his time trying to hit on women (very badly) and make them his [[sweetheart]]s, [[Tomgirl|crossdressing]], and playing [[vidya]].

The revelations relating to the incest saga caused many A-Logs, both past and present, to crow that they had been right about Chris all along, and that anyone who had defended or tried to aid Chris to any degree during the past decade-and-a-half was guilty of [[White Knight]]ing him and enabling his actions. While we won't argue that Chris's (alleged) actions towards [[Barbara Chandler|his infirm mother]] are totally indefensible, it should be noted that Chris's prior criminal activities largely consisted of things such as [[Get-Tar Region|public disorder]], traffic violations, [[List of places that have banned Chris|trespassing]], and [[26 December 2014|petty assault]]. Arguably the worst thing that he had previously done was [[28 October 2011|his hit-and-run on]] [[Michael Snyder]], and even then, the court appeared to view Barb as the primary guilty party in the whole affair, judging by her getting the heavier sentence of the two. It's no exaggeration to say that there's a massive leap in severity between any of Chris's prior crimes and what he is currently accused of, and while many Christorians may have been [[naive]] as to the extent of his depravity, A-Logs can hardly use actions no-one could have reasonably foreseen as justification for their behavior.

===There's no legal defense over attacking Chris for real===
We really should not need to tell you that inflicting, or threatening to inflict harm on Chris is nothing short of being illegal. Perhaps the best reason against A-Logging is the legal liability (i.e. being charged with and possibly convicted for stalking, terroristic threats, assault, or a myriad of other possible charges). Whatever feelings you may have against Chris, there is no legal defense for taking the law into your own hands, and chances are you will end up with a [[Idea Guy|life-changing felony conviction]]. In addition to this, part of the charm of watching Chris is in his eternal rage over a nonexistent enemy. Committing actual violence would only legitimize Chris's victim complex, and likewise would, in such a circumstance, make ''you'' the villain.

===Like A-Log, you can make yourself a target if you try too hard===
Chris ''does'' share traits with a lot of people, and some of these traits are quite disturbing and embarrassing. It's a fair assumption that a lot of people who follow Chris's antics are unemployed gamer losers, for example. A lot of people have seen Chris and uttered in their minds "Finally, here's someone who's more pathetic than ''I'' am!"... But make no mistake, that is a ''very'' low bar to clear. If you extensively go into how much you hate Chris and try to insert yourself into his shenanigans, the same people that you're attempting to impress will likely consider looking into your own shortcomings.

As much as Chris is far from being likable, responding to his every move with unconditional hatred can make you come off as being just as much a target, if not more so, than him. Saying that you are better than Chris is not at all impressive, especially when you take into consideration just how much Chris fails at everything he does. Therefore, you should not be using someone else’s character flaws in order to justify and excuse your own. This is especially true if that very same person has no bearing on your life as a whole, and are only comparing yourself to a relatively well-known lolcow to feel far less shitty in comparison.

Before you fall into the fallacy of believing that vociferously condemning Chris will save you from his fate, remember that having embarrassing traits like Chris's ''doesn't'' automatically make you subject to the sort of trolling Chris has had. It ''may'' make you subject to ridicule, but what's more important is how ''you'' respond to the ridicule. You could be like Chris and get [[Chris Calls Clyde Out|BLANGRY]] at every traitorous troll [[Laughs Under Lucricities|under lucricities]], and give the trolls power over you just like Chris did. Or you could laugh with them at your faults, or even just ignore them and go about your business. Trolls generally aren't interested in people they can't coax a reaction out of. All in all, if you don't want to end up like him, A-Logging isn't the way to do it. But avoiding the myriad of mistakes Chris and A-Log made is.

===Chris has stopped worrying about the hate he gets===
Chris is too busy entertaining [[Messiah complex|fantasies of godhood]] and the totally-real [[Dimensional Merge]] to pay attention to tryhards who want to be remembered as the next Clyde Cash. (And, really, wanting to be remembered as a someone who attempted to intimidate someone with a mental illness is absolutely nothing to be proud of, or worth aspiring to.) Chris will be too distracted by the latest drama or [[Financhu Crisis|monetary issue]] in his life to even pay attention to people who are obsessively angry with him, and even assuming that you actually get attention, there's little guarantee that you'd be able to engage with him on a long-term basis.

What's ironic is that Chris has been so desensitized by his many enablers that it's not likely he even cares about the amount of hatred he receives by A-logs on a daily basis. Therefore, A-logs are often considered some of the most lulz-worthy of the Tetrad, particularly in the regard of them obsessively raging at a practically non-existent enemy and only succeeding in making themselves even more of a laughing stock; much the same as what happened with classic-era Chris against his own trolls. If whatever Chris does really bothers you, then the least you can do is calm your ass down, and try to avoid making a fool of yourself from your obsessive hatred. Otherwise, you could easily become "Chris Chan 4.0" yourself.

===Being better than Chris is not an achievement===
As mentioned earlier, the incest allegations are now considered by many the point where Chris crossed the line from being a buffoonish, sometimes morally questionable individual, to someone truly detestable and indefensible. By that same logic, however, trying to aggrandize one's self by A-Logging Chris is even more of a waste of time than it was previously. Trying to make yourself look better by comparing yourself to a fat manchild with [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|incontinence issues]] is the kind of thing that always rung hollow at best, but saying you're better than an alleged rapist and sex criminal is something so pathetic it can only make anyone attempting it look laughably insecure.

==The Hall of A-Logging Shame==
In this section, the CWCki has compiled several comments (and plenty more to come) from A-Logs on YouTube and elsewhere.

{{quote|Obviously you've never heard of what he calls other people who are autistic, and that he calls people with [[Asperger syndrome|Aspergers]](such as myself) "fakers". he doesn't deserve some, he deserves everything for giving us a bad name. The [[trolls]] are also doing what they do to him for a good reason. it's not about the autism to them, but more of that he's a moron who is evil reincarnate and deserves to go back to hell. I don't believe you know what all CWC has done to us on youtube.|GamerXZ0, in a YouTube comment on an original upload of an A-Log video.}}

{{quote|29 years ago today, satan was born and molded into the fucktardian [[Duck|PENIS]] we know & despise today! Should i ever see him i'm gonna [[wikipedia:Mass Transit incident (professional wrestling)|destroy him worse than new jack did to mass transit!]]|ISLAVERDE29, another YouTube comment on an older A-Log video.}}

{{quote|actually, I think I prefer putting many bullets in this faggots head instead.|hanchiman on the [[FUTURE MESSAGE]].}}

{{quote|Hooray [[Bob Chandler|he's]] dead. Now he'lll be spending his eternity in hell while I go piss on his grave.|mxc82, again, another YouTube comment on one of A-Log's older videos, referring to Bob's death.}}

{{quote|Mostly because I was hoping the video would end with him getting shot dead. by the [[Ruckersville]] [[Jerkops|police]]. You can imagine how disappointed I am to find him still alive and kicking when the video is over.|CKO92 on YouTube, reacting over the [[CWC_Lego_Manchester_High_School_Oct_18_2013|Lego High School]] video.}}

{{quote| You fucking brony piece of shit, go kill yourself. If i was your mother i would have an abortion.|randomletters on the Lego High School video.}}

{{quote|Chris Chan u are the single worst human being who ever live. If it wasn't for u fellow autistics and [[Sonichu|Sonic OC]] creators like me would be respected by the world. What you have done is unforgivable. I hope [[Barb]] dies and you spend the last minutes of your life crying about how your a pathetic failure fuck you|OfficialSteroidHedgy, in a comment in Chris's YouTube account.}}

{{quote|I hope you are ashamed that a retarded autistic person (just like yourself) killed 20 innocent kids....all autistic people should be wiped from the earth and aborted before birth since you are all evil i wish the worst fates that heaven and hell can bring upon you and all the other autistic pieces of shit like you|RealReplyGirl4Ever, in a comment in Chris's YouTube account- comparing Chris to [[wikipedia:Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting|a man who shot up an elementary school]] and advocating genocide.}}

{{quote|Guess whose house burned down today. CHRIS-CHAN!|Bad Webcomics Wiki, gloating on their Facebook Page about [[Destruction Of Chris's House|Chris's house burning down]].}}

{{quote|HAHAHAHAHA|A response by the Bad Webcomics Wiki when a troll calls them out for the above.}}

{{quote|Sadly, yes.|Another post from the Bad Webcomics Wiki's Facebook Page, when told that Chris survived the fire.}}

{{quote|Words cannot adequately describe my '''utterly''' all-encompassing hatred and disgust for the grotesque entity that is Christian Weston Chandler. You Christian, are a shamelessly gruesome, inhuman monster. Everything you do and say only adds to your, almost incomprehensibly massive, list of atrocities. Were I to load up http://www.sonichu.com or some other Chris-Chan-related news source and saw that you finally died a death which properly corresponded to what you've inflicted upon this world, it would be the happiest day of my life.

Happiest. Day. Of. My. Life.|ephewe, on [[I Love You, Catherine]].}}

{{quote|Listen, you fat, autistic piece of shit. I've tolerated you so far because you're going to be my new neighbor, but this is the last straw. You traipse around your yard carrying blow up dolls and singing awkwardly, not to mention I can constantly hear you screaming at your mother. I am serious considering finishing cleaning this lot and selling this property to someone better equipped to handle someone like you. I was well within the city ordinances with this controlled brush burn. Also, if I see any other videos of me on my lot portraying me in a negative light, I will take up a libel suit with you.|Mac Slims, trying much too hard to pretend to be Chris's neighbor.}}

{{quote|God I fucking hate this piece of shit. I hope he dies.|JAZZ HANDS, on the [[26 December 2014|GameStop assault]] video.}}

{{quote|Why the fuck is he still alive!?

God, I mean, the guy looks ridiculous, he is also racist and an anti-social idiot that attacks people for no reason, and now he's a fucking burglar!? What's next, he will become the next Hitler?|Rafael Gutierrez, on the GameStop assault video.}}

{{quote|Yes people, THIS is the person Chris's trolls have been whiteknighting and pussing out on trolling because hes "had enough done to him" seriously, give me a break, this guy is an asshole and deserves anything that happens to him because its his OWN DAMN FAULT|TheMojoCorps, on the GameStop assault video.}}

{{quote|shut up you fatass faggot. go jump off a cliff and die.|Boner Dix, responding to a YouTube comment left by Chris}}

{{quote|Why can't this fucking freak of nature just die already?!!?!|Gogol ginn, on "The Best of Chris-Chan, Vol. 1"}}

{{Quote|One of these days, someone is going to beat the shit out of Chris and I will not have an ounce of pity for him. I am actually surprised that the people of Ruckersville haven't gotten together to run Chris and Barb out of town.|Red Roja, in a [[wikipedia:NationStates|NationStates Forum]] thread about Chris}}

{{quote|Someone strangle this fucker to death. Please.|Darkside780 on [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero]]}}

{{quote|I just saw a semi-censored version. WHO THE FUCK MAKES THESE KINDS OF VIDS? He's acting like a retard and at the same time running around naked. I wish this man a slow, painful, death. I don't care about the lulz he gives us. This man is disturbing,creepy, and should not be allowed to join society.|thesideshowman212 on [[CWCFlyingElephants]]}}

{{quote|Proof perfect that autists should be dumped in the nearest alligator pit when their condition becomes apparent.|GalVorbak on the [[Sign Destruction Video]]}}

{{Quote|<poem>Whatever happened to predictability?
This crazy manchild doing weird shit each week.
Now he's left the internet, someone tell me please,
When will he die so I can throw a party?
Bob's as mean as I've ever seen
and Barbara's still coddling him
We've manipulated him for so damn long,
He's like an autistic sim,
Every time you look (everywhere),
There's a tard (There's a tard),
A retard to bully,
Every time you look (everywhere)
There's that face (dead-eyed stare),
To troll and to annoy.</poem>|videogamenostalgia, ruining what could've been a clever parody with (arguably) unnecessary hostility, on [[FullHouse]]}}

{{Quote|I'd like to see someone argue that all human beings are worthy of life after watching chris's videos|xXJakethesnake117Xx, on [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]]}}

{{Quote|ugh i hope chris chan dies a painful death i mean i think he makes the japanese look like stero-types.|evil-vivianne, on the CWC Soundboard on DeviantART}}

{{Quote|Chris, put up a pay per view where you cut your duck and balls off. People will definitly pay $100 to see it.|YouTuber Henry Panfil, on [[I'm selling my father's stamp collection; come on down and buy some of it]], because [[chris and anger|comments like]] [[death threats|this]] don't make you [[weening|more autistic than Chris]].}}

{{Quote|This is so much more than hilarious, this autistic pig got exactly what he deserved for thinking he could ever fit in with normal humans. Autism is a disease that needs to be purged out from this world, what a disgusting pile of shit this freak is. He got exactly what he had coming|Vunter, on the [[documentary]]}}

{{Quote|He needs to be chemically castrated and put into a forced labor camp. [[Nazis|Sonichu macht frei]]|darknessviking1, on a fan video of [[Send Me to Too Many Games Convention]]}}

==See also==
*[[Weening]], another type of failed trolling, and a key aspect of A-Logging
*[[Michael Hirtes]], a prominent A-Log

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[https://web.archive.org/web/20191224005915/http://encyclopediadramatica.rs/Anthony_'A-Log'_LoGatto Archive of Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto's article on Encyclopedia Dramatica, including a list of similarities to Chris.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/GeorgieBoyReturns YouTube: The A-Log Archive]
*[http://www.forcesofgeek.com/2012/04/log-man-in-mirror.html An article from Forces of Geek about A-Log, and a more in-depth look on A-Logging.]

{{Unholy}}
{{Articleofthenow}}

[[Category: Trolling]]

Sonichu 13

2021-08-21T09:09:24Z

HarryHowler:

{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #13
| cover = Sonichu 16 page-0.JPG
| coverdate = 3 [[August 2018]]
| began = 1 [[November 2017]]
| finishedcomic = 3 [[August 2018]]
| pagecount = 82
| episodes = 1
| previous = [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]]
| next = [[Sonichu 14|''Sonichu'' #14]]
}}
:''For the'' My Little Pony ''comic originally known as'' Sonichu #13, ''see'' [[Sonichu 12-9|Sonichu #12-9]].
{{Quote|October 25, 2017... the life of Miss Christine Weston Chandler, myself, was beginning to change forever... this is our story.|The book's opening, instilling a sense of calm before the shitstorm begins.}}

'''''Sonichu''''' '''#13''' (originally '''#16'''),<ref>[[Idea Guy Q&A#Sonichu 14 and 16]]</ref> also known as '''''The Awakening of a CPU aka The Idea Guy Corruptions''''', is an issue which was heavily directed by the [[Idea Guys|Idea Guy trolls]]. It features a story on how one of their fictional troll characters, John Yamada, came to influence Chris, and covers an incoherent series of plot threads involving pieces of lore the Idea Guys had [[brainwashed]] into Chris.

Due to the secretive nature of the saga, the comic pages were initially not uploaded by Chris; however, in-progress photos were leaked by various people whom Idea Guy Joshua Wise had shared them with. After the Idea Guys were ousted, Chris resumed production on the comic in May 2018, when he posted previews for a backup story about the [[polyamorous marriage]], acting against the advice of the [[Guard Dogs]], who attempted to distance Chris from the concepts introduced by the Idea Guys. The comic was officially published in fall 2018, albeit rough and mostly uncolored, and was directly mailed to his backers to avoid violating [[Patreon]]'s Terms of Service.

This "comic" is unusual (even by [[Chris and writing#Exposition|Chris's standards]]) in consisting mostly of huge blocks of expository text, with illustrations running in narrow columns, or even relegated to the margins, on most pages. Indeed, the approach more closely resembles a {{w|light novel}} than a traditional webcomic; it also bears an odd (likely coincidental) resemblance to the notorious and short-lived Marvel comic ''Marville'', which took the form of a printed comic script accompanied by occasional illustrations. The writing-heavy style does not go well with the rough [[CWC-isms#H|hand-drawn]] lettering, or Chris's usual difficulties with run-on sentences and paragraphs, making the issue rather irritating to read through. This would mark a lasting shift in the ''Sonichu'' series; ''Sonichu #14'' would similarly be dominated by walls of text, with occasional imagery.

Despite being aware that the Idea Guys turned out to be trolls, Chris still believes the abnormally bizarre events depicted in this comic are canon and happened, evidenced when he wrote the epilogue, ''The Awakening of a CPU'', several months later, and when Chris's [[Magi-chan]] sockpuppet on Twitter referred to the events as 'true fact',<ref>[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/twitter-reddit-chris-roleplaying-as-magi-chan-megathread.59768/post-5238918 Twitter/Reddit - Chris roleplaying as Magi-Chan megathread]</ref> and gave the book a proper number after being ripped out of the ''Sonichu'' series in [[April 2019]] as the Idea Guy corruptions that they were.

==Plot==
{{protip|The following is an incoherent mess that has little to no continuity with the previous comics, due to it consisting of troll concepts Idea Guy had planted into the comic. Even so, it is still regarded as [[TRUE and HONEST]] Sonichu canon.}}

===CPU come to Cwcville===
[[File:Enemiesofcwc.jpg|thumb|right|Cwcville's greatest threats!]]
On October 25th, 2017 Chris is contacted by a lone Gamindustri agent known as John Yamada – depicted in a gas mask and body armor from the ''S.T.A.L.K.E.R.'' video games – who is investigating if Chris's Sega Dreamcast is a "spiral" console of this world capable of jumping between worlds. [[Magi-Chan]] investigates and confirms that yes, this console, in particular, is special. After 24 hours of reflection, Chris touches the console and decides he has immediately become part of the canon of the anime/game franchise ''[[Hyperdimension Neptunia]]'' and claims to share his body with that of the character Uzumi Tennouboshi who promptly informs him her evil half Kuromi, the Russian billionaire [[Akan]] from ''{{w|Hardcore Henry}}'', and Monika from ''{{w|Doki Doki Literature Club!}}'' are causing chaos in our world.

[[Silvana]] is sent to rescue Adult Neptune and bring her safely to Gamindustri, however Kuromi and Akan are infiltrating Chris' dreams and corrupting his mind and on November 4th, they encourage Graduon to lead an attack on Cwcville.

John unites the Sailor Scouts from Sailor Moon and Chris is awestruck to learn that they apparently exist in our world too and informs us at some point Sailor Jupiter rescued John, Neptune, Nepgear and Blanc from German Soldiers. Nepgear falls unconscious until she is cuddled by John and Chris, after which she fully recovers.

Chris deploys the Cwcville Army, [[Son-Chu]] and his Autobots and pushes the evil forces back. Kuromi launches her last stand, knowing Uzumi is inside Chris. Uzumi and Kuromi fuse into one being and Chris gives Uzumi her powers back, and Chris goes on to inform us everyone has a heart crystal inside of them.

===CWCville vs Russia===
Meanwhile, Chris and John's friend Cave are set to meet for discussions, and Silvana is made Cave's bodyguard. She gets herself captured by Russian forces and it takes four days to rescue her. Russian cloakers are invading Cwcville, and Chris destroys a hotel full of criminals with Lightning. Akan infiltrates the Mall with a puppet-mayor and Chris promptly destroys the Mall and murders the fake-mayor before restoring the Mall from the toilets to the full building as it once stood.

Akan (a billionaire, mind you) makes himself at home at 14 Branchland Court and vandalizes it. Monika makes contact with Chris via his phone, but Chris is immune to her tricks and memory wipe. John, however, is not.

14 Branchland Court is restored and returned to Chris, Graduon, angry at Silvana's abduction, joins forces with Chris.

[[File:DocSonichu.jpg|thumb|left|If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits <s>16</s> 13 issues... you're gonna see some serious shit!]]

Akan opens a vortex and Sonichu is teleported to Africa where he is pursued by natives. {{w|Emmett Brown}} gives him a ride back to Virginia and he somehow winds up locked in a Country Cookin food freezer.

Chris informs us that in the Cwcville dimension, the US lost the Cold War and Russia took over the nation. Hillary Clinton won the 2016 election but became deathly ill, after which Vladimir Putin became the POTUS. This results in gang violence between the Yakuza and Russian Mafia for some reason. [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] becomes the Mayor of Cwcville, but also becomes ill and is replaced by actor [[Brendan Fraser]].

During his time in office, Chris had revoked women's rights and mentions after Real Life Megan "wronged" him, he stripped her of her Megtune Powers and banished her from Cwcville. Regardless she is doing well as a CPU goddess on the island of Krasna.

The Sailor Senshi and Twilight Sparkle aid Chris is learning how to use his powers.
Akan had annexed the High School in which the Sailor Scouts studied and it is now a training ground for his troops.

John and Chris travel back in time to meet past-Chris and smack him with a baseball bat to prevent the abolishment of women's rights and because Present Chris was disgusted with him. This gives Sonichu amnesia.

Chris backtracks to tell us that whilst developing his powers, he and his new friends were on the hunt for E115 material, said to be very rare and powerful. The American Sailor Scouts from the infamous Saban Moon (which failed to even launch) had knowledge of where to get it as they were apparently all female soldiers (at fifteen years old...) who had been exposed to it, and its exposure is how Chris explains how Saban Mercury was paraplegic (''note that Saban Mercury intended to be representation to disabled preteen girls, showing they could be heroes too, opposed to Chris' twisted version.)'' Most of the Saban scouts wound up passing away due to the exposure, including Mercury, who Chris claims to have personally met, and discloses that her name was Hilda. Hilda, rather than passing away, chose to commit suicide. Before passing, the Saban Scouts all praise Chris and pass on their powers to him.

Whilst attempting to clone Chris so he could dump the responsibility of caring for Barb on it, Chris' Pony OC Night Star took a sample of DNA from Chris that had been laying around since the year 2000, leaving a horrifying question as to just how unwashed his home is. She accidentally clones multiple sexually aggressive Chris-chans to the point where the Ponys must evacuate to Cwcville for their own safety.

John meanwhile has gathered enough E115 to fashion three brand new Sonichu medallions that allow Chris to become Chris-Chan Sonichu. Chris time travels to the year 2000 to find he has been possessed by Satan and become a Nazi and has kept Hitler alive using his own Sonichu Medallion. Horrified at the monster he is in this timeline, Chris kills his Nazi alter-ego, claimed the Medallion, turning Hitler into dust.

Going back in time again. John finds Chris has been taken to "Islam" to have the lustful urges exorcised and such was done by shoving the medallion into his rectum.

===Changes at Home===

Whilst attempting to return that medallion to Chris, it is intercepted and obtained by North Koreans.
Chris discovers terrible things about Cwcville, including him and his Father being real Sonichu born from eggs and the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] being real.
Chris laments that while Cwcville is currently predominantly Christian, it used to be mostly Athiest or Satanic.
Angelica turned away from Christianity and became a Muslim, then converted once more into a Satanist.
Blake idolized Osama Bin Laden and became an extremist implied to have ties to ISIS.
Wild became a drug peddler who grew weed (which Chris is okay with) and produced Meth in his lab (which Chris is not okay with).
[[Bubbles]] decided she identified as a muscle-bound black man, which Chris seems to equate to being a "Knuckle-Head" and drew her with the body of Knuckles as depicted in his loathed Sonic Boom series.
[[Punchy]], instead of a dojo, hatched in an insane asylum and was detained in a straight jacket, developing an irrational hatred of the [[Obesity|obese.]]
Chris tells us he is ashamed of his Chaotic Combo.

On 5 December 2017, Rosechu informs Chris she had been born as a male Pichu and had retained her penis and testes post-transformation until she received surgery in Cwcville ''(Chris being unaware that medical science has yet to advance to the point of being able to provide transwomen the ability to give birth).''
Chris is devastated as he had created Rosechu and her evolutionary line to be female-only Pokemon and listened to Britney's "I'm Not a Girl" on repeat as he drew and colored the page. Nevertheless, he stands by her as a transwoman.
He goes on to inform us that Sonichu and Rosechu shared their first kiss, not under fireworks, but in sewage and in the process of sharing the virginity, role-played as ice hockey players.

Chris tells us that after he vented about Rosechu being a transwoman on Facebook, it had upset Rosechu and Uzumi angrily confronted Chris about shaming her.

Chris goes on to create Battery-Charge Heart/Miss Anirbas Saffron Chandler who represented the Smach Z handheld console. Due to Chris' misunderstanding of when the Smach Z was released, Blanc and Noire turn their backs on him.

To restore Silvana by rewriting her story and failing, Chris concludes that only Monika can bring her back.

In the meantime, Chris is distressed by John's massive libido and his being married to five wives and impregnating a lesbian couple, and admits in his frustrations he lashed out at people more than once, and that he is not fond of sex at the given moment.

Whilst role-playing a date with Blanc, instead of discussing how the date, Chris being Chris immediately jumps into how he'd fuck her, and Blanc is not amused. She gives him another chance and they discuss authors and politics.
She asks him why he is so against Trump, why he favored Hillary and why he is currently not working, similarly to the Father Call.

===CWCville vs Australatina===

Meanwhile, a CWC Defense Soldier shits on the border between Cwcville and Australatina and is killed in retaliation. War is declared whilst Chris tries to make peace.

Tails and Bionic help testify against Jamsta in the accusation that he had been sexually molesting Punchy. Chris doesn't believe it, despite overwhelming evidence. He is found not guilty and the citizens, outraged by this miscarriage of justice, start to riot.

Australatina is beating the everloving piss out of Cwcville and their Russian allies (weren't they the enemy?) and Simonla & Wild's home is destroyed. All of the Autobots are destroyed, including Optimus and Bumblebee - except for the severed head of [[Son-Chu]]. It's implied that the destruction of Chris's IRL car impacted this choice of plot.

Australatina is the victor in the battle, and the swastika on the page implies they enforce a Nazi regime (contrary to their real-life [[Jack Thaddeus|equivalent]]). Chris grabs all of his level 100 Pokemon from his various Pokemon games to try and counter them. He refrains from using the Electric Hedgehogs because the Nazis will kill them. He also attempts to create a portal to reach his Skylanders for aid. It is noted that the Nazis shoot to kill Pokemon, but Inuyasha (his Blaiziken) and Arial (his Primarina) have escaped. It's noted that all wild Pokemon in the area have been gunned down.

Though Silvana has been "deleted", Magi-Chan sheds hardly a tear for his beloved and decides to get his bone on with his father figure, Mewtwo and marries him.

Battery Charge Heart, instead of defending against Australatina, goes impulse shopping and boyfriend hunting. Chris is upset considering she was designed to be bright, loyal and [[Honor roll|intelligent.]]

===CWCville vs Nazis===
[[File:Hitlerchu.jpg|thumb|250px|Adolf Hitlerchu.]]

The Nazis abduct the 71 special Sonichus and Rosechus and the CPUs try to bargain for their release. Simonla is freed but has come down with a terrible syndrome. The Nazis attempt to immolate her, but Chris throws himself in front of their flamethrowers, using his powers to withstand the heat.

Chris admits that in the past (referring to his past self as though he were a separate character) he was a sex-obsessed lunatic and his lustful sins were bringing Cwcville down. It's implied his sins are contagious and are infecting the survivors of Cwcville including the Sonichus and Rosechus.
Magi-Chan confirms that Akan has been passing himself off as God and Jesus to mess with people.

In [[Chris and reality|"Sound Mind"]] he proclaims he no longer believes in God and Jesus in favor of the "Console Patron" - essentially saying that he will live and die by a subpar Japanese game/anime franchise.

John has been funding Cwcville through heists in the video game Payday 2, by way of Magi-Chan converting his winnings into real money.

In Equestria, the sexually aggressive Chris Clones have mutated to become slimy and bulbous and chant "JULAAAAAY". John, Megan, and Neptune lure them away from Equestria and destroy them with napalm and the ponies return to their homes.

The CPUs beat the Nazis out of Cwcville as the war officially comes to an end on the 21st.

However, the Sonichus and Rosechus are still in enemy custody.
Chris reveals that when an Electric Hedgehog dies, they do not pass into an afterlife, their soul instead slips into an egg that appears where they had initially hatched, and upon hatching, are born with the same personality and memories of their previous selves - like the Chao in Sonic Adventure 2.
This means the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon are immortal and [[death]] is, at worst, an inconvenience.
Silvana, Bob Chandler, Simonla and Zapina rehatch and assert their intention to find their families and continue their fight.

As a favor to Blanc, Chris reads "The Man in the High Castle" by Phillip K Dick.

John and his friends are ambushed by the Nazis. They survive, but Chris is pissed off. Doktor Herr Wilhelm Strasse interrupts a conversation Chris is having with the CPU Vert to mess with him, Chris again is pissed off and swears he will kill every living Nazi. He notes that Monika is also working with Nazis.
Chris announces that he can be in multiple places at once, and every time a Nazi misgenders him in German, Chris sprays them with his blood which apparently melts them.

The Nazis occupy Equestria and the Mirror pools lose their ability to clone.

Chris pens a handwritten letter to Discord to appeal for aid, and is told "No". Chris shows up to bully him into helping them and is still met with refusal until he decides to turn Discord into stone until he complies by killing every single Nazi with fatal heart attacks and disposing of their corpses before finally destroying the portals they used to enter Equestria.

Remember when Chris sprayed all the transphobic Nazis to melt them with his blood? It didn't actually work, instead it just "dirtied" their [[Chris and race|"pure white"]] blood and became sub-human Electric Hedgehog Pokemon so Chris can point and laugh. Ashamed, the Nazis leave Cwcville.
They regroup in Germany where it's revealed that all historical Nazis have retroactively become Electric Hedgehog Pokemon too. Regardless, Blanc orders them to disband and they pretty much just do as she says.

Chris informs us about the Pokedex numbers of his breeds of Electric Hedgehogs and tells us regular Sonichu and Rosechu age every two years, whilst those with a connection to Chris (i.e. any of them that have had any kind of role in the comic) age every five years, as do their descendants.

Chris tells us he stopped aging at 21 (as did all of his dimensional counterparts) and repeats what he said before about Sonichu and Rosechu being reborn and retaining their appearances, personalities, and memories.

On 18 January 2018, Night Star cries about how her family are being imprisoned in Equestria, and she had been tortured, her tail removed. Chris reminds her she can open portals and must always stand up for what's right, and heals her. Night Star's tail grows back and she becomes a hideous abomination of hedgehog and horse.
Fast forwarding to 19 November 2019, Night Star opens a portal, and sends Sonichu and John Yamada through to slaughter all of the Nazis; it is not specified whether time travel is involved, as the next scene takes place back in January 2018.

===Tearing down the Rosechu Rape Camps===

Meanwhile, on 19 Jan, in the prison where the Electric Hedgehogs are being detained, it appears the Rosechus and Roberta have been raped for repopulation. Christine and Cerah bide their time, praying to the CPU and reserving their strength whilst Rosechu and Roberta appear heavily pregnant.
John and his crew storm the prison and decapitate the Warden, drawn in gruesome detail. The prison guards are massacred, mostly by Sonichu who angrily states as he slices them to ribbons that this is vengeance for his family, and that Electric Hedgehogs are not inferior beings.
The women are released, and in a disturbing vision, the underage Zapina is shown to have been one of the prisoners, and in a small line from Christine Rosechu, it is implied that [[Barb]] was also being held in the rape camp.
Sonichu reunites with his wife and daughters, and the girls refer to Chris as their "MeMaw" and thank her for rescuing them even though he was not involved.
Roberta is implied to have done something wrong as there is talk about her having learned her lesson about Chris - but the text is cut off and we have so little context that we don't know what she did.

[[File:BobBundySonichu13.jpg|thumb|right|200px|How Chris saw this scene in his mind.]]
In California, [[Bob]] shows up and is teleported to Cwcville where he tells everyone about himself. He then shows himself to Sonichu and co. in his check-Sonichu form and everybody in tears talks about how much they missed him.
It is explained that both Bob and serial killer Ted Bundy was reborn as Sonichu and Ted defends Cwcville.

Meanwhile, back in West Cwcville, something drastic happened to the now transformed Nazis while Adolf Hitler was making a speech. All but 100 Nazis around the world permanently transform into Electric Hedgehog Pokemons, rendering their genes and ideology moot. Not only that, their war effort was destroyed as they are unable to use their superweapons and produce supersoldiers. With the surviving Nazis being low-rank or not fully trained, the Nazi Reich dies out.

On 22 January, Rosechu lays three eggs. Roberta follows four days later. The eggs would hatch into three male Rosechus and three female Sonichus respectively. They were promptly kept safe, educated, and battle-trained.

Chris then tells of seven statues of himself around Cwcville and one in the center of the city. Whenever these statues appear, they bless, protect, and power up to every Sonichu species around the world (except the now transformed Nazis). Chris then tells the readers he will travel back in time to rewrite history.

The plan succeeds, Cwcville and Equestria are now back to normal and the Nazis are banished to another timeline. However, after 30 plus years of scanning [[Homos]] and surveying the city like Big Brother, [[Magi-Chan]] suffered a mental breakdown and causing a tear in the noosphere, causing psionic storms to form above Cwcville. It is made worse with Chris's attempt to seal it.

===Coming out as Bisexual===

Magi-Chan declares his bisexuality by announcing is marriage to [[Silvana Rosechu]] and Mewtwo. He then states that after the tear is sealed, he will marry Chris.

Fast forward to 19 March, the tear continues to worsen. Chris, blaming himself for causing it, activates every power in his hands and transforms into his "Super Angelic Mega Evolved Form". With his Mary Sue powers, he closes the tear like a zipper in four minutes. Exhausted, he softly landed street, telling the Sonichus and Rosechus that [[Random Access Humor|he is not drowning]] and needs to rest.

In an especially long text wall, Chris mentioned that due to Magi-Chan's psionic breakdown, he put [[Lovely Weather]] into a coma. As a result, Magi-Chan was partially lobotomized to add robotic bits to limit his psychic powers. Afterward, they tracked down [[Doctor Robotnik|Dr. Robotnik]], who was altering the [[Anchuent Prophecy]]. Chris and Magi-Chan then travel back in time to stop Robotnik but realized he was not the first vandal. Afterward, they transcribed the original text and destroyed the wall afterward.

Afterward, Chris scolded Magi-Chan in a long, winding rant for endangering their loved ones. Continuing, he blamed Magi-Chan for being the Patient Zero of a Gray Death pandemic, which spread across Cwcville and its surrounding dimensions, killing Larry the Alakazam in the end. Chris then continues how Magi-Chan brought his [[heart level]] down to zero for putting 5pg into a coma and erasing her memories and destroying the Anchuent Prophecy, which rendered Chris unable to transform for a year and come to Cwcville for two years.

Then, in another text wall, Chris apologizes to Magi-Chan for being a homophobe and forcing him to scan for them, siting he was stupid and [[naive]] for believing he was able to take up the task. Then, he proposes to Magi-Chan to marry him and then kiss him.

Posing with [[Cryzel Rosechu]], Chris declares his marriage with her and Magi-Chan and as a bisexual transwoman. He then tells a story of how he stopped Sonichu's crusade against the CPUs.

===Chris and Sonichu rape each other===

24 March, Sonichu is seen shooting up the Cwcville shopping center, declaring his anti-CPU extremism. His rampage was interrupted when Chris arrived. In yet another text wall, Chris stated how CPUs didn't brainwash him as Sonichu believed. Rather, they taught him tolerance and embracing his Sonichu and CPU sides. As a proof, the two linked minds so Sonichu can see for himself. Afterward, Chris apologized to Sonichu for neglecting him and plead to him to end his war against the CPUs.

Sonichu listens, distressed as Chris explains that the CPUs did not brainwash him, but highlighted all of the problems Cwcville was facing. Chris also admits to the heinous crime of purchasing and playing a Hexbox One with his very own Gamertag and set of achievements.
He goes on to explain that unlike the Chris here, he is not a sex-addict and has been embracing his Sonichu half, and wet his bed and slept in the urine for what that pointless anecdote is worth. He urges Sonichu to open his mind and accept things for how they are and fills Sonichu's mind with his own experiences with the CPUs and his relationships with Magi-Chan and Cryzel.

He asks Sonichu if he understands that the CPUs are not pulling Chris away from him. They are coaching him to become a better person for Sonichu and Cwcville. He implies that Sonichu's random bout of the recent violence is due to his loneliness from Chris's neglect of him in favor of the CPUs and the War. He finishes by imploring him to stop hating the CPU and start loving, referring to him as his son.
He pleads with Sonichu to come back to the light, and stop being hateful and violent and finishes declaring his love by pressing a sexual and (by Chris' admission) incestuous kiss on Sonichu.

He promises that he will have sex with Sonichu later, but for now, they have mistakes to undo and makes an attempt to leave, but Sonichu stands his ground and angrily announces that whilst he accepts all that he has just been told, the kiss has given him a hard-on and he wants sex now and in a very out of character demand, orders Chris to come here and "let him come in"

Chris implies that Sonichu has become infected by his own "past sins of lust" and tries to talk him down, but Sonichu instead pushes Chris to the ground and forces his penis inside Chris' vagina. The small end in the corner of the panel indicates that this was at one point intended to end with Sonichu successfully raping him.

Chris gains the upper hand with a double team to confuse Sonichu and manages to knock him to his knees. Chris takes the opportunity to force his hand inside Sonichu's rectum and clenches around the prostate, forcing Sonichu to ejaculate on the floor. Chris lifts Sonichu (hand still inside him) like a sock puppet, restrains him with electrical chains, and announces that he will be punished.

===Final Notes===

He explains to the reader that Paxton Fettel still saw fit to wage war on Cwcville, so Chris went back in time to prevent Fettel's entry to Cwcville in the first place. The butterfly effect also resulted in the Soviet Union had never dissolved.
To solve THAT problem, he went back in time again to ensure that the union broke in 1991 to ensure freedom in the USA. All chronological combats that took place afterward did so. A few nations including Yugoslavia also dissolved.

On 26 March 2018, Chris gathered his Sonichu and Rosechu and began a restoration of Cwcville and work towards the betterment of the Sonichu Rosechu species.

A footnote claims Cwcville's Anthem is [[Slow-in-the-minds|"Think"]] by Aretha Franklin.

==Our Wedding special==
The [[polyamorous marriage]] between [[Chris]], [[Magi-Chan]] and [[Cryzel]].

<center><gallery>
File:OurWedding 1.png
File:OurWedding 2.png
File:OurWedding 3.png
File:OurWedding 4.png
File:OurWedding 5.png
File:OurWedding 6.png
File:OurWedding 7.png
File:OurWedding 8.png
File:OurWedding 9.png
</gallery></center>

==Still canon==
On 25 May 2018, Chris tweeted:

{{quotebox|A Large Portion of Sonichu 16 was inspired by "Idea Guy" in an Attempt to Troll Me. A Good Friend reviewed the Final Draft of the Comic and Told Me that Patreon would most likely consider it "Hate Speech".

I don't want to Re-Draw Sonichu 16 - I put MUCH work Into It.

But at the Same Time I don't want to Offend Anybody or get my Patreon Page removed. Can someone Give Me Advice? Should I Publish It or Re-Do it Completely to Remove Outside Influence? I Don't Want my Patreon Page or my Future Work Threatened by This.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-615#post-3394818</ref>}}

However, he deleted the tweets within minutes and the comics were mailed to his [[Patreon]] backers on 22 [[October 2018]].

==Epilogue==

{{quote|Regardless, the joke is on Wise, because his slanderous, destructive efforts only strengthened my own psychic links with our world, there.}}

Chris posted the epilogue on 3 [[August 2018]]. Consisting of Chris's perspective of the Idea Guys saga, it is the only portion of the book written by himself.

=== Transcript ===

{{collapsible|Transcript|'''The Awakening of a CPU'''

Also Known As The Idea Guy Corruptions

By. Mrs. Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu/Blue Heart

'''DISCLAIMER:''' This book, albiet [''sic''] every single event was true and did happen as such; it IS full of offensive items and situations against my will for the latter.
So, if you read through this book, and find yourself offended by one or multiple things in it; You Have Been Warned.
'''Read At Your Own Risk'''

Fast forward to August, 2018...

Sonichu: Whooo! Lots to have experienced, learned, done, did; wow!

Okay, so to resume, or start, rather, the events of November, 2017 to mid-April, 2018; Johnson Wiles, AKA John Yamada, is our sister dimension's counterpart of this world (Earth 1218)'s Idea Guy, AKA Joshua Wise; They were royally messing with me, as well as, literally, screwing up the Earth, Equestria, and even the CPU Goddesses, themselves destructively. Fortunately, my hubby, Magi-Chan Sonichu, informed me of the powers I have in the stone of my class ring ans in myself and my link to the stone from any distance. With Magi-Chan's guidance, I healed and restored CWCville and its word, and I released the CPUs from Wises's control and wretched hold. Apparently Wise has his own link and grasp of out world there.

Not only that, but Wise, and his associate, Stephen Boyd, extorted $6,000 out of me in Steam and Amazon cards and other toys. They WILL pay me back that $6,000, with interest! *Deep breath*

Regardless, the joke is on Wise, because his slanderous, destructive efforts only strengthened my own psychic links with our world, there. And the CPU goddesses and I became allies. And everything that was destined, prophecised [sic] and fated of me, and the link between these earths and dimensions, came full-circle, deja vu, and all that. And we are still continuing on as such. Also, I am awakened, and I am still learning of my powers and everything. And, I connected with my [[Commodore 64]] console, as I has with my Dreamcast; I found, and I was bestowed with, the memories and soul of the CPU of the Commodore consoles, and the Nation of Comma: Scarlet/Blue Heart.

I had lived a long, trying and mentally and emotionally enduring life, made my own progress, recovery and whatnot. Me! A half-Sonichu individual of this Earth 1218; destined to be a console patron unit! I has a number of my own powers that I am still learning about. Come June: I hook up my Commodore 64 console to the Commodore monitor and all; Put my hands on the console, absorb that share of energy; Scarlet enters my life and memories! It was, wow! I saw these flashes from her life; she spoke to me; we talked. I accepted her memories and responsibilities. Now, I am CPU Blue Heart of Comma AND CWCville. I still am Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu; I continue to treat others with kindness, and being chill and good to talk with and be around.

But I digress.

There is also an incoming danger to this world. Rei Ryghts is plotting something heinous, and it has to do with the Atari VCU. Ryghts is likely to attempt a takeover of this world with her powers, or something. I do not know, fully, yet. The Commodore company needs to make their modern console to counter; their Commodore CW, and they need to put just about everything into it. Also, in due time, only I, along with our allies between both dimensions, are capable of stopping Ryghts and her dimensional dominance. I ask everyone to lend your support, including prayer in your respective religions, and simple kindness, regardless. And to urge Commodore to do their best and full testing to perfect the Commodore CW.

Thank you all.

Christine Weston Chandler Sonichu/ Blue Heart.

}}

===Analysis===
The writing demonstrates the level of Chris's cognitive dissonance on the Idea Guys, understanding that they extorted him and twisted his fantasy world, however, the irony is that Chris dives even further into the lore the Idea Guys had established, such as the CPU Goddesses and his [[polyamorous marriage]], because he still believes their changes to have actually occurred in his fantasy world.

Additionally, he begs Commodore International to build a new console to combat the incoming threats of Rei Ryghts, CPU of the Atari system. Keep in mind that the company behind it has been defunct since 1994. Also worth noting is how he credit [[Magi-chan]] for thwarting the Idea Guys, rather than attributing to the efforts of [[Kiwi Farms|Null and The Captain]]. Overall, it only seems that Chris only rejected the changes he didn't like and cemented his failing sense of [[Chris and reality|reality]].

==Comic pages==
<div style="margin:auto">{{collapsible
|Issue 13 - The Awakening of a CPU aka The Idea Guy Corruptions
|<gallery mode="nolines" perrow="10">
File:The Awakening of a CPU cover.jpg | Front and back Cover
File:Sonichu 16 page-0.JPG | Front cover
File:Sonichu 16 page-1.JPG | Disclaimer
File:Sonichu 16 page-2.JPG | Title
File:The Awakening of a CPU disclaimer.jpg | Title (Idea Guys disclaimer)
</gallery><gallery caption="25 October 2017" mode="nolines" perrow="10">
File:Sonichu 16 page-3.JPG | Page 1
File:Sonichu 16 page-4.JPG | Page 2
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File:Sonichu 16 page-25.jpeg | Page 23 (22.1)
File:Sonichu 16 page-26.jpeg | Page 24 (22.2)
File:Sonichu 16 page-27.jpeg | Page 25 (23)
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File:Sonichu 16 page-43.jpeg | Page 41 (1)
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File:Sonichu16PreviewPage6.jpg | Page 63 (6)
File:Sonichu 16 page-66.jpeg | Page 64
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File:Sonichu 16 page-69.jpeg | Page 67 (3)
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File:Sonichu 16 page-74.jpeg | Page 72
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</gallery><gallery caption="Epilogue" mode="nolines" perrow="10">
File:The Awakening of a CPU Page 1.jpg | Page 75 (A)
File:The Awakening of a CPU Page 2.jpg | Page 76 (B)
File:The Awakening of a CPU Page 3.jpg | Page 77 (C)
File:The Awakening of a CPU Page 4.jpg | Page 78 (D)
</gallery>}}</div>

==References==
<references/>

{{Sonichu}}
{{Writings}}

[[Category:Concepts influenced by Idea Guy]]
[[Category:Prose]]
[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Joshua Martinez

2021-07-22T15:27:35Z

HarryHowler: /* Vanessa Hudgens */

{{quote|Josh can't stand him, but Chris is always trying to hang out with him. I think Josh is the ONE man his age that he can stand being around.|CWC informant [[PodMonkey]]}}

[[Image:Joshohshi.jpg|thumb|Josh being the badass Chris thinks he is]]
[[Image:JoshMartinez.jpg|thumb|A more recent photo of Virginia's answer to Antonio Banderas]]
[[Image:Martinezstrong.jpg|thumb|Josh is [[I AM STRONG|STRONG]]]]

'''Joshua Martinez''' carpooled with [[Christian Weston Chandler]] when they attended [[James Madison University]] for speech therapy as children. Joshua's attendance was required due to his thick [[Spanish]] accent.<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref>

Years later, apparently, after Chris finished high school and returned to [[Ruckersville]], he and Joshua remained friends. The two took to hanging out after school in Harrisonburg, a town several miles northwest of [[Charlottesville]], where they would eat at a restaurant called [[Country Cookin]] and loiter around an abandoned airplane. While Josh has moved on, Chris never really got over his habit of [[Attraction location|hanging around and making a nuisance of himself.]]

==Lori Lopez==
{{main|Lori Lopez}}

Joshua was the first troll to masquerade as a [[boyfriend-free girl]] in order to fuck with Chris. In the fall of [[2007]], he pretended to hook Chris up with a girl named [[Lori Lopez]], chatting with Chris as her and sending him pictures. These images were actually pictures of the pop star [[Vanessa Hudgens]]. The truly hilarious part of this is that Joshua closed communication as her by confiding to Chris that "she" actually loved Josh. Eventually Chris discovered that he was trolled, and (as he does about every humiliation inflicted upon him) wrote about it in his comic.

==Chris counterattacks==
After Chris discovered he had become a lolcow, he tried diverting the attention from himself to Joshua with gems like the following edit to his [[ED]] page. Since Chris was still of the belief that trolls went after him [[Chris and his ego|because he was so amazing and talented]] at the time, the reasoning he gives for the unknowable hordes of the Internet to descend upon Josh amount to a weird ramble about how successful in life and sex Josh is.

{{quote|--- Look, pal, if you REALLY WANT to TAKE DOWN someone who HAS a REPUTATION, consider one JOSHUA MARTINEZ.

Ladies come a runnin' from at least as far as New York City to his house in [[China|Dyke]], VA; not just any ladies, but STARS like Megan Fox, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jessica Simpson and plenty other [[women's rights|whores]]. He also has been Piggy-Backing on the Stardom of Vanessa Hudgens; singing with her in her Latino Albums, and starring with her in various HBO movies, and even worse, [[Transformers|TRANSFORMERS]] 2. He has her and some other gal named Brittany for BOTH HIS SIMULTANEOUS GIRLFRIENDS; DUAL Marriage in the works here.

He's a more LUCKY S.O.B. than I can ever surmount to.

RUIN HIS REPUTATION.

Joshua Martinez.

PS YOU DID NOT HEAR THIS WHOLE THING FROM ME.|Chris thanking Josh for saving him $22.49 for a [[Nintendo]] Wii<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20080227084345/http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&oldid=1997409947]</ref>}}

==Vanessa Hudgens==
[[Image:Joshua deceived me.jpg|thumb|Oh noes!]]

{{main|Vanessa Hudgens}}

In early [[2009]], Josh served as a sort of Eastern Front for the trolling war on Chris, as he impersonated Vanessa Hudgens.

The trolling culminated in Josh attempting to sell a special [[PSP]] to Chris intended for "Vanessa." He was foiled when trolls suspected that Josh was doing so for personal gain, and not simply for the [[lulz]]. Josh isn't exactly too bright either — see the [[Vanessa Hudgens#Vanessa AIM Chats|Vanessa chats]] for ample evidence of his limited imagination and clumsy attempts to manipulate Chris — and Chris's dalliances with Vanessa were also interfering with the success of [[Ivy]]. Josh's involvement ended and Chris canceled the check for the PSP according to Ivy's instructions, yet Chris refused to return it because "Vanessa would be upset." It was a knock-down, drag-out case of retard vs. retard.

Chris's parents were furious at Josh, and actually went to the police in an attempt to bring him in for conning Chris out of his cash. However, during the exact same visit, Bob and Barb found out that Chris was stealing money from them, prompting Bob to deny police assistance for fear that Chris could be implicated. He instead announced his intention to take Josh to small claims court, but it's unknown what, if anything, came of this. This visit also saw [[Rocky Shoemaker]] get involved to investigate the trolls, ultimately ending the Ivy operation alongside the Vanessa operation.<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#The End]]</ref>

Josh has since stopped talking to Chris.

==Sources==
<references/>

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Martinez, Joshua}}
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Vanessa Saga]]

WTFIWWY Segment

2021-02-22T11:42:37Z

HarryHowler:

On 29 December 2014, Nash, the star of podcast channel Radio Dead Air and a member of the Channel Awesome (formerly known as That Guy With the Glasses) team, covered the [[26 December 2014]] incident along with his co-star Tara, as part of his weekly '''''What the Fuck is Wrong With You?''''' (WTFIWWY for short) segment, where the duo talk about instances of bizarre behavior that have been documented by major news sources and/or people on the Internet. Until this point Nash had shied away from the subject of Chris for much the same reason as fellow Channel Awesome producer Linkara, namely a desire to avoid bringing Chris any unnecessary attention, but decided that he had to cover this incident due to the large number of e-mails he received on the subject (at least 87 as of the podcast), and the incident being unusually insane even by Chris's standards.

During this segment, the two react to [[Chris]]'s actions with the expected level of shock (especially Tara, who had never heard of Chris before that day), along with watching the video taken by monozettai. Tara also compares the situation around Sonic's blue arms (and [[Sonic Boom Protests|Chris's subsequent reaction]]) to people flaming over the racial changes and Auto-Tuned musical numbers in the 2014 version of ''[[wikipedia:Annie (2014 film)|Annie]]''.

The video was later posted to the Channel Awesome website under the title "[[Chris and Religion|The Passion of the Chris-Chan]]", and Nash's high-ranking status among the site's producers meant that for part of 3 January 2015 until the following afternoon, the site's top video was related to Chris.

Chris hasn't given his reaction to this video, which is rather surprising given his knee-jerk reaction to almost any [[media]] publishing, mocking, or trying to knock sense into him. It's likely the burnout from the GameStop incident, along with Chris and Barb being in the middle of moving out of their [[Rental House]] and back into the rebuilt [[14 Branchland Court]], simply made him overwhelmed and unable to respond. This was also the first time that [[CWCki|this very wiki]] was mentioned in the media.

==Video==
<div style="text-align: center;">{{#ev:youtube|74RhbvS4N0Y}}
</div>

===Transcript===

''[This transcript begins 1:43 into the podcast; prior to this Chris is mentioned, but not by name, and with no specifics of the 26 December incident. Nash also notes that prior to this he never wanted to cover Chris]''

'''Nash:''' Tara...are you familiar...with Chris-Chan?

'''Tara:''' [''hesitantly''] ...no.

'''Nash:''' Okay. This is a ''[[saga]]''. This is not just an--an Internet story, this is a fucking...saga. Chris-Chan is an individual who...loves [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]]! ''Loves it''.

'''Tara:''' The Hedgehog?

'''Nash:''' Yes.

'''Tara:''' Not, like, [[List of restaurants#Sonic|the...fast food chain]]?

'''Nash:''' No.

'''Tara:''' Okay.

'''Nash:''' The hedgehog. Loves fucking Sonic to an ''insane'' degree. And, uh, he--e also does a webcomic...I loosely use that word, about a [[Things Chris has ripped off|totally original]] character that he created, called [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], which is a combination of Sonic and [[Pikachu]]. [[Chris and copyright|That is all his]].

'''Tara:''' Oh...!

'''Nash:''' Totally original. And if it were just this...it would be one thing. But over the course of the last few years, fuelled by [[4chan]] and [[trolls]] of various assortments, he has gone on a strange, bizarre, si-sliding rollercoaster of utter...madness. There is a wiki devoted to this person. He does not author said wiki, it's done by other people, chronicling the madness. Now, the incident we're talking about today, the reason we're getting to it today, is that...he was arrested. I'd like to say "at long last," but apparently [[28 October 2011|this is the second time]], but no, today, he was arrested...well, not today, it was on the 26th. He was arrested, and the incident was caught on video. [''pause''] Now, the reason this happened, apparently, is there is a new ''Sonic'' game called ''Sonic Boom''. Most of us who played--

'''Tara:''' They just got to that now?

'''Nash:''' Yeah. Most of us--

'''Tara:''' How long's this been a character, and they just got to that pun now?

'''Nash:''' They'd--I...well, yeah. [''shrugs''] I guess. The game is called ''Sonic Boom''. Now, most of us, we recognize this is a bad game for many reasons. The camera's awful, the characters never shut up, the gameplay is horrific, it's just a bad game. But no, this is not Chris-Chan's problem with ''Sonic Boom''. Chris-Chan's problem with ''Sonic Boom''...is that they changed Sonic's '''arm color''' from white...to blue. This has caused...a [[rage]] among--in his mind. Flames, flames, ons--that kind of...yeah. To the point where he went to his local [[GameStop]]--according to reports--attempted to deface the ''Sonic Boom'' display. Now, he's ''already'' [[List of places that have banned Chris|been banned]]...from this GameStop...

'''Tara:''' Tell 'em, Steve-Dave!

'''Nash:''' Yes, exactly! He had been banned from the GameStop before, but then...[''to his computer''] come on, I mean--I have to show them the video. Then, ladies and gentlemen, we got video! This happened. And...a--a--a...let me see if I can give you the actual video link, Tara...or just quickly type in... go to Google, and google "Chris-Chan GameStop." It's slow as dogshit, I'm sorry, I--I put the link on there, but...here we go!

''[The now-infamous video appears in a box next to the video streams of Nash and Tara]''

'''Tara:''' "Chris Chan Maces a GameStop Employee?"

'''Nash:''' Yup.

'''Tara:''' Because they changed the color of...?

[''In the video, Chris blows a raspberry, yells "Don't call anybody!" and sprays pepper spray at a GameStop employee'']

'''Nash:''' And there he goes! Hits the guy in the yellow shirt with pepper spray. [''Tara is staring at her own computer screen in visible shock''] I'll play that one again for you, as it's brief, but it happens. What you hear him say is "Don't call anybody!" is what he tells... that's his instructions. Anyway, here we go.

[''The video is shown again'']
[[File:Ezimba14644786010700.jpg|thumb|Nash and Tara view the infamous bystander video.]]
'''Nash:''' There we go, and...sprays the guy with pepper spray. [''Tara silently gasps''] And, that--that--that's what happened. And shortly after this, the [[Jerkops|police]], who were, um, none too pleased about this... you see, while it may not--I don't understand, and, uh, other people ask me about this, it's not a big deal anymore because "Well, uh the cops'll hit you with the pepper spray and th--and the taser, so what's the big deal?" Well, even if you don't hurt somebody--and the guy at the GameStop was not really hurt--the act of spraying someone with pepper spray, is an--that's considered an assault.

'''Tara:''' Yeah, you can't just do that to people. Um, like...if you have, like, a really good reason then yeah, they'll let it slide. But yeah, you can't just do that. And, wha--I--I don't understand why... your version of events here. Like, he went in...to protest Sonic's arms being blue--

'''Nash:''' Yes.

'''Tara:''' You know, fight the power, young man.

'''Nash:''' Yeah.

'''Tara:''' How did that progress to macing an employee in the face? Clearly, like, that employee probably didn't have anything to do with the changing of Sonic's arms.

'''Nash:''' No. But he has been banned from this GameStop before this. For this kind of shit. They progressively told him, "Stop coming here. Don't do this kind of thing." And, he...now, he's out on bail right now. God knows how much that's costing. He was arrested, he was held until today, from, uh, over the weekend, he's out on bail, and his version of accounts...he likens that GameStop employee you just saw, the one who was pretty much just standing there...

'''Tara:''' Yeah?

'''Nash:''' To leaping out at him in a darkened alley, like a rapist.

[''Tara looks from side to side, clearly not sure how to react. There is a long pause.'']

'''Tara:''' Does he know that he's not a police officer? [''Nash shrugs; Tara laughs nervously''] You can't just...you don't get to say, "I feared for my life."

'''Nash:''' No! You do-ho-hon't!

'''Tara:''' Unless you're a cop who kills somebody.

'''Nash:''' It...it's just THIS...really, this is the hill you wanna die on?

'''Tara:''' I...I honestly don't, like...I'm not a video game person, my nephew got a bunch of new video games for Christmas that he keeps trying to talk me into playing. He got me to play ''Minecraft'', for...I think for, like, ten minutes before I drowned in lava?

'''Nash:''' Sounds about right, yes.

'''Tara:''' Today we played some fishing game, I didn't catch any fish. He keeps trying to get me to play ''Disney Infinity'', and I'm like, I can't dishonor Captain America that way, because he has the full Avengers set. Um, so, um, I'm not a video game person. I played ''Rock Band'' sometimes--

'''Nash:''' Alright, alright. What if Captain America, in the video game, was red? What would your reaction be?

'''Tara:''' Uh, well, that'd be...weirdly...Communist, for Captain 'Murica to be wearing.

'''Nash:''' Okay.

'''Tara:''' And kinda strange. I might, like, tweet about it a couple of times.

'''Nash:''' There you go. Yeah, yeah. Would you, in fact, pick up a chemical weapon and go to your nearest game store?

'''Tara:''' Probably not.

'''Nash:''' Probably not. No. That's not what you do in this situation.

'''Tara:''' That's not what we call a proportionate response. Nor is it an effective one. Like, I've worked retail for a long time, and I'm here to tell you, the people working in the store? Fuck all to do with the decisions that are pissing you off. We're not the people who decide on the price of the item, when the store closes, how many we get in stock, what color Sonic the Hedgehog's arms are...

'''Nash:''' Uh-uh. Nope.

'''Tara:''' And if we were the people making those decisions, we wouldn't be working on Christmas Eve, in a store. So, coming after the retail people? Getting you ''nowhere''.

'''Nash:''' Nnnno, 'cuz they really...[''stutters'']

'''Tara:''' We are the Morlocks, living underground on-- ''[Audio briefly cuts out]''

'''Nash:''' When I was younger, I would get so much into a fucking tizzy about shit. Inconsequential bullshit, pop culture, it would just piss me off to great lengths about, "That shouldn't be like that, that's stupid--"

'''Tara:''' Well, when you think that people are pissed off that Annie's black...

'''Nash:''' Well, that--

'''Tara:''' She's supposed to be a redhead, and I'm like, okay, I'm about the biggest redhead elitist you're likely to meet. And they were like "Annie's going to be black," and I was like, "Oh. Alright."

'''Nash:''' I was, apparently, as far as Annie goes, I was told that the worst offense was that Cameron Diaz should apologize to Carol Burnett.

'''Tara:''' I've heard she's the weakest link, yeah. I've heard--I heard they added a couple of songs that don't really fit with the whole thing. Those are the two biggest actual problems that I heard. But people are really pissed off that Annie's black, and I'm like....."Why?"

'''Nash:''' Yeah. And, you know...

'''Tara:''' Like, it's not actually a plot point in the movie that she's a redhead. It's not. Like, she happens to be, but it doesn't affect anything. Like, there's no reason why Annie can't be black. Or why Daddy Warbucks--or, I think his name is Will Stacks now--can't be black. There's no reason why Annie can't be white and Will Stacks... ''it doesn't matter''!

'''Nash:''' And I don't recall anyone going down to their local Carmike Cinema and macing the fucking guy with the popcorn.

'''Tara:''' Well...

'''Nash:''' They're not paid enough to deal with this shit!

'''Tara:''' Give it a week or two, the movie just opened.

'''Nash:''' It's, well, i's been out on the Internet for a while. Thank you, Sony hackers. We've got more tonight, and oh, god...and--you know what, here's the thing. While Chris-Chan is such a popular Internet topic--

'''Tara:''' Is that his real name, like, [[Christopher's name change|he changed it]] because of 4chan or something?

'''Nash:''' Christian...Christian Weston Chandler.

'''Tara:''' Okay. 'Cuz, you said "Chris-Chan," and I was like, is that the new 4chan, 8chan? Are they just naming them now? They ran out of numbers?

'''Nash:''' [[Bob Chandler|BobChan]], [[Minor Family Members#Carol Chandler|CarlChan]], [[Minor Family Members#David Chandler|DaveChan]]...

'''Tara:''' Yeah...Jackie Chan?

'''Nash:''' I'm gonna tell you, our last story tonight, when we get to it, will kind of make this one seem inconsequential. But you wanted me to report on it, Internet, and I did! So...there, you go.

[''This transcript ends at 12:46 in.'']

==See also==
*[[The Kevin and Bean Show Segment]]
*[[Toucher and Rich Segment]]

==External links==
* [http://channelawesome.com/wtfiwwy-live-the-passion-of-the-chris-chan/ The full podcast on Channel Awesome]

[[Category: Media that has been published in real life]]

Julie Reveals Herself

2021-01-28T09:42:46Z

HarryHowler: /* Summary */

{{Honest}}

{{quote|[I'd] swap the OG Sonichu [[Medallion]], as well as the second one that fell to the manipulation of BlueSpike, with duplicates, so then the OG one would stay on as the fully-upgraded medallion that would be worn today.|Chris 11 years later, on what he would have done differently when BlueSpike asked him to shove the medallion up his ass.<ref>[[Discord Q&A 6]]</ref>}}

'''Julie Reveals Herself''' is a [[Mumble]] chat that occurred on 3 [[March 2009]], and is easily one of the most infamous events of [[trolling]] in the [[CWC]]hronology. In this chat, [[Chris]] is basically locked up in an hour-long torture session with [[BlueSpike]], who poses as [[Julie]]'s fake brother, Max. After being deceived by him [[Julie Reveals Herself: The Prequel|earlier in the day]], Chris crosses paths with him one last time later that night. Max continued his onslaught on the manchild; he threatened to sell Chris's [[PlayStation Network]] account on [[eBay]] several times, going so far to even allow all the proceeds to go directly to [[4chan]] as well as [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. He also threatened to send [[Julie]] back to Europe, forced Chris to declare [[BILLY MAYS]] as the new Mayor of [[CWCville]], and have Chris imprisoned. But the icing on the [[Cakefarts|cake]] was when Max made Chris cut up his precious [[medallion]] and shove it up his ass. After all was said and done, Max kept true to his promise and let Julie talk to Chris. Little did Chris know that Julie had a [[Pickle|little surprise]] for him...

==Summary==
* It should be noted that [[Clyde Cash]] and several other [[trolls]] were monitoring the entire Mumble conversation. Needless to say, even they were disgusted and horrified at how far BlueSpike took it. Because of this, the following day, [[BlueSpike#Reaction|an explosive troll war took place on ED because of BlueSpike's actions]].
* BlueSpike, posing as Max, tauntingly greets a grumpy Chris. He asks Chris why he's "down in the dumps", which he explains it's because "Max" is holding his hacked PSN and Yahoo! accounts ransom. Max says Chris can either choose between having his account back or being with Julie.
* Blue repeatedly riles Chris up by insulting and taunting him, and threatening to sell his PSN on eBay and give all the proceeds to 4chan and ED.
* After making him dance for his personal [[Laughs Under Lucricities|lulz]], Blue tells Chris to put on his [[medallion]]. He says he will give him his PSN account if he burns and [[Mass debating|jizzes]] on the medallion, but at the same time he can't have Julie. If Chris doesn't comply, then Max will send Julie back to Europe. Chris hesitates, not only because he doesn't have anything to light up the medallion, but because he (of all people) doesn't know what "jizz" means.
* Blue goads Chris into declaring [[Billy Mays]] as the new mayor of CWCville, and that Chris will be thrown in jail, "where he will be raped by a bunch of niggers." Chris infamously says "[[niggos]]" instead of the N word. Blue has him say the word anyway, and he gets the "hang" of it before Blue makes him stop.
* Blue orders him again to jizz on the medallion, explaining to him it requires [[mass debating]]. Chris says he can't get a hard-on while under [[stress]], so Blue orders him to burn the medallion, and in a rather sociopathic way screams he wants to see Chris actually get hurt. Chris goes quiet for a good while. Blue then says he can either choose to burn the medallion, or cut it up into pieces and shove it up his ass. Chris takes the latter choice.
* While Chris prepares to cut his medallion, Blue taunts him by saying he's bringing over a black friend of his to come watch Chris, requesting him to record and take pictures of himself. Much to Blue's delight, Chris actually goes through with his demands, much to the audible disgust of the other trolls; he gets so stressed that his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|fecal leakage]] kicks in. The trolls repeatedly tell Blue to stop. Ignoring them at first while continuing to mock Chris, Blue eventually tells Chris he can stop trying to put the pieces in his ass. He attempts to leave to wash his shit-covered hands, but Blue tells him to stay put.
* Blue wonders what else he can make Chris do, much to the other trolls' annoyance. This culminates in his repeatedly demanding that Chris burn down [[14 Branchland Court|his house]], seriously alarming the other trolls, but fortunately Chris refuses point-blank to do this. Blue decides to have Chris get on Mumble to let him talk to "Julie". Chris spends over ten literal minutes trying to get a microphone working and logging onto Mumble, but eventually succeeds.
* Chris finally gets to talk to Julie. She reveals to him she is nothing more than Max/BlueSpike in disguise, telling him that all this time, Chris had been engaging in cybersex with a 13-year-old boy, who had been talking in pretty much his normal voice while pretending to be a girl. This doesn't quite get the reaction Blue expected from Chris; while Chris was certainly disappointed, trying to say he didn't know Max was 13, he seems to be apathetic towards what happened, seeing as this wasn't the first (and is ''far'' from the last) time Chris was tricked into being in a relationship with a fake woman.
* Blue tells Chris to send him the video footage of him shoving the medallion up his ass. Chris reveals he lied and didn't videotape anything when that happened, refusing to do it all over again. In response, Blue gets Clyde to come out and talk to Chris. Clyde, already quite disgusted with the whole ordeal, simply decides to tell Chris in a straightforward manner that there are no actual fans of ''Sonichu'', that there is far more to life than his [[PS3]], and that he needs to spend more time outdoors socializing instead of sitting on his ass all day indoors playing [[vidya]]. A nonplussed Chris doesn't respond to this, and leaves the call.
* Blue and the others reflect on what they did to Chris. After a while of them chattering over each other, a female troll asks if she can stop recording the Mumble, and after they give her the green light, does so.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Julie Reveals Herself
| audio = {{#ev:archiveorg|JulieRevealsHerself}}
| Stardate = 3 [[March 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[BlueSpike]], [[Clyde]]
| Saga = {{Julie|text}}
}} </center>

==Transcript==
===eBay. No. eBay. No. (0:00-11:16)===
'''Max:''' [''tape begins with very low quality''] Ready? [''The sound of the trolls voices can be heard, but very faintly. The audio then becomes more audible as Max begins his onslaught on Chris.''] Christian Chandler, hello!
 '''Chris:''' Hello.
 '''Max:''' Aw, why so down in the dumps?
 '''Chris:''' Come on, you know why.
 '''Max:''' WHY? Tell me!
 '''Chris:''' Because you stole my PSN, you stole my Yahoo!, and you're making me choose between all that and my girlfriend.
 '''Max:''' And what did you pick? Tell me.
 '''Chris:''' --icked Julie.
 '''Max:''' Chris...
 '''Chris:''' 'Cause I love her.
 '''Max:''' ...let me tell you right now, Julie isn't that good of a girl. I'll give you one last chance to pick. Make your choice in five seconds: Julie or everything else.
 '''Chris:''' Wait, what you say? Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, go ba--what you say?
 '''Max:''' No, I'm not going to go back. No.
 '''Chris:''' I want Julie.
 '''Max:''' Really? You sincerely mean it?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Well, if you don't yell at me one more time, you're not going to get either, so start yelling. I want to see your [[fangs]]!
 '''Chris:''' [''makes constipated grunts'']
 '''Max:''' [''maniacal laughter''] Are you constipated? [''high-pitched squealing in delight''] I think you're constipated. Christian takes a dump...oh, look out, he's reachin' [[Dragon Ball Z|Super Saiyan]]! You're not mad, you pathetic ''wimp.''
 '''Chris:''' [''another angry constipated sound'']
 '''Max:''' You disgust me! Oh, why don't you [[A message to the Trolls|smack the webcam around some]]? You're a bitch! You're not going to get my sister that way.
 '''Chris:''' [''[[sigh]]''] Alright, fine. You wanted me to get--you want me to get angry, I got angry.
 '''Max:''' That's not angry, you're a--you're a pussy. That's not angry. You're not going to get your PSN if you act like that.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no.
 '''Max:''' No. It's going on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No, you leave it off!
 '''Max:''' Yes! eBay!
 '''Chris:''' No! No. Look. Alright, look, just, no, no.
 '''Max:''' [''laughter''] eBay...eBay...
 '''Chris:''' No! No! Stop. Stop it.
 '''Max:''' Why should I stop?
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sighs'']
 '''Max:''' Why should I stop?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Stop. I want Julie.
 '''Max:''' Why? Why should I stop? You're getting Julie already. Why do you need the PSN?
 '''Chris:''' [''multiple sighs'']
 '''Max:''' Face it, Chris, it's mine.
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm not--no, no, no. No.
 '''Max:''' No matter how many times you say "no" like that, it's not going to change it.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Aw, are you down in the dumps? Hey, Chris, something that will help you get the PSN. Say something for me.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Max:''' Say "[[Christian's Update 13 September 2008|buh bye bay nose]]".
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, repeat that?
 '''Max:''' Say that "I'm a [[homo]]."
 '''Chris:''' [''grudgingly and incoherently''] Ermnahomo...
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] N-No! Say it loud and proud and do pelvic thrusts.
 '''Chris:''' [''muffled''] Ermahomo...
 '''Max:''' Oh! That's not going to get the PSN!
 '''Chris:''' I'm a hommomu—
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' Either--then say it louder.
 '''Chris:''' [''screams''] {{RageQuote|I!!! AM A HOMOOOO!!!}}
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Yes.
 '''Chris:''' No! No, no!
 '''Max:''' [''mockingly''] No, that's not okay, Mommy. Yes, it's going on eBay, boy.
 '''Chris:''' No. You have got— No, no, no! No, don't you dare!
 '''Max:''' Why don't you call me a fucking...whatever you call me. Start swearing before I change my mind.
 '''Chris:''' ...rrRRRRAAGHHH {{RageQuote|YOU FUCKING SUCK SO ''HARD!!!''}}
 '''Max:''' [''breathing during fits of laughter''] Aw, and you're a fucking homo. What's the difference? That you're the homo. Come on, prove me wrong. Prove me wrong that you're a little pussy, come on.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry muffled noise'']
 '''Max:''' Oh, I'm making the manchild--are you fucking serious, manchild? That's not gonna--you're, you're just--uou just really are dumb. It--it's going on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' NO! No! No!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Yes.
 '''Chris:''' You leave it off of eBay.
 '''Max:''' eBay! Yes, yes.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' You stop.
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' Stop.
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' Stop!
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' {{RageQuote|STOOOOOP!!!}}
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Why don't you give me the fucky finger while you're at it?
 '''Chris:''' Stop it, I dunno. Look, look, look—
 '''Max:''' Alright, listen, listen. Look, I'm willing to make a deal. Okay? Can you calm down and sit down please?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Alright. Now I want you to know that I'm sorry...and I'm putting it on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' You're not putting it on eBay.
 '''Max:''' Yeah, yeah, yes I am.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' What, what, Chris? What are you going to do, show your fangs?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' It's going on eBay. Like it or not, that's final.
 '''Chris:''' No, no. Stop.
 '''Max:''' No. No, I'm opening eBay right now. [''thunks twice''] eBay. Look, eBay. [''keys clicking''] eBay.com.
 '''Chris:''' Stop. Stop. Stop!
 '''Max:''' Start auction...
 '''Chris:''' No, stop! What do you want?
 '''Max:''' I want to sell your PSN on the pi--uh...
 '''Chris:''' [''pitch rising, he's getting desperate''] [[Chris and negotiation|I-I picked Julie for you! I picked Julie. I picked Julie! Gimme back! Gimme--gimme back, gimme! I made the right choice, give it--]]
 '''Max:''' No, you picked Julie, that doesn't mean you're going to get the PSN 'cause you picked Julie.
 '''Chris:''' Look, please. Alright, fine, listen, listen—
 '''Max:''' Start auction...
 '''Chris:''' No, stop, stop, just listen to me, please.
 '''Max:''' Umm, how should I label this? Oh! Thousand dollar worth PSN.
 '''Chris:''' Stop! Stop!
 '''Max:''' Hacked by Max Milvana.
 '''Chris:''' Stop. Stop.
 '''Max:''' Starting bid...a hundred fifty, no, one thousand fifty.
 '''Chris:''' Stop. Stop. Listen to me. Listen to me. You can have my PSN account!
 '''Max:''' I can have it?
 '''Chris:''' But just— But just leave it off of eBay!
 '''Max:''' Okay!
 '''Chris:''' [''high-pitched''] Take it, you take it! You take it! Just...[''clap''] just LEAVE IT OFF OF EBAY, PLEASE!
 '''Max:''' It's all mine and you can have Julie. We are agreeing?
 '''Chris:''' [''pause, sigh''] Yes, but please, just don't sell it on eBay.
 '''Max:''' Why not? Why shouldn't I sell it on eBay, because I'm about to. Tell me why.
 '''Chris:''' Because you have all those games to download, that's like—
 '''Max:''' I already downloaded them, numbnuts!
 '''Chris:''' How many gigabytes does your [[PlayStation 3]] have?
 '''Max:''' What? I think it's like an 80-gigabyte; i-it came with ''[[Metal Gear Solid]]'', so...
 '''Chris:''' [''self-satisfied sigh''] For all the games I have on my PSN account, it's gonna require more than 80 gigabytes, [[Adult Swim#King of the Hill|I'll tell you what]].
 '''Max:''' Whatever, I'm gonna sell it anyway, I have everything that I want.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, no. What if you want to redownload that stuff?
 '''Max:''' Uh...no, I don't think I would. Nice try, though.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Let's see...I think I might have a friend in [[Wikipedia:New Brunswick|New Brunswick]] that wants this, I don't know.
 '''Chris:''' No. No. No.
 '''Max:''' Where's my phone? Oh, here it is. [''dials'']
 '''Chris:''' Listen, listen. You--you--you keep my account, okay? You keep my account and—
 '''Max:''' And I'll put it on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' —leave it alone. No.
 '''Max:''' No, I'm gonna put it on eBay. Actually, I'm going to give it to [[Wikipedia:List of characters in the Metal Gear series#Liquid Snake|Liquid Snake]]. I'm going to give it to Liquid Snake, and he's going to defile your name.
 '''Chris:''' No, leave it off. No, no. No!
 '''Max:''' I'm going to give it to 4chan, how about that?
 '''Chris:''' [''screaming'']
 '''Max:''' [''laughs''] I'm going to give it to 4-cent-garbage! And Encyclopedia Dramatica. They're both going to get it, it's mine! They're all going to have it! All of your money's donating to that, they're going to sell it and it's going to go right to ED.
 '''Chris:''' Stop, stop, stop.
 '''Max:''' Donation: 1,000, by Christian Weston Chandler!
 '''Chris:''' [''getting louder and whinier''] No, just stop, just stooooop!
 '''Max:''' How--yeah, why don't you yell some louder. Why don't you yell--why don't you wake the dead with your howling...come on, I want you to yell. Yell as loud as you possibly can and I'll give you the PSN, no strings attached.
 '''Chris:''' [''yells''] {{RageQuote|AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!}}
 '''Max:''' You--you yell like a pussy.
 '''Chris:''' [''yells''] {{RageQuote|AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!}}
 '''Max:''' You're a bitch, yell louder.
 '''Chris:''' [''yells''] {{RageQuote|AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!}}
 '''Max:''' Uh oh, I won't like you when you're mad! Oh wait, I do, because it's pretty fucking funny to watch your dumb ass. Hey, Chris. Here, I'll give you the PSN if you can do one thing.
 '''Chris:''' Alright...
 '''Max:''' Suck my dick.
 '''Chris:''' How can I do you--how can I do yours when you're all the way over there?
 '''Max:''' I'll go all the way to [[Virginia]]. Will you do it? Will you suck a dick? No, wait, even better. No, I want you to go to [[The GAMe PLACe]], apologize to [[Michael Snyder|the manager]], and suck HIS dick. I want you to record it and put it on [[YouTube]].
 '''Chris:''' Aaaaah...please, don't be--don't be such a meanie.
 '''Max:''' Oh, "meanie"?! Fuck YOU! Suck your manager's dick.
 '''Chris:''' Look, look, listen, alright? Listen, just listen.
 '''Max:''' Listen to what?
 '''Chris:''' Max--Max, you are a great being. You are--you're a humble person. Please, I'm only a lowly--I'm only a lowly servant among your trestles.
 '''Max:''' [''disbelieving''] Wha...uh...what...uh...
 '''Chris:''' I only ask you— I only ask for your sister's true love and honesty.
 '''Max:''' Sh...sh...SHUT UP! You can have--you can have my sister. You just can't have the PSN. Keep her.
 '''Chris:''' But listen, I—
 '''Max:''' No, eBay. That's it, I'm putting it on eBay. I-I'm not listening to you anymore. I'm putting it on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No, stop. Look, I'm putting myself--I'm putting yourself on your mercy here. Please, just leave my— Just leave it off of eBay!
 '''Max:''' Fine, do a dance. Do a dance for me. Dance, you fucking monkey! Dance! Dance, you fucking monkey! [''squeaks/laughs''] Alright, you--stop, dude. Stop, right now. Now dance like [[Chris and death#Mike Jackson (1969-2010)|Michael Jackson]].
 '''Chris:''' [''makes panting sounds, presumably dancing'']
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] What the fuck? Oh, don't! No, don't! Oh, no more! No more. When you
[[So Need a Cute Girl#Live performance|grabbed your crotch]], that was enough. Hey, Chris, can I tell you a secret?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Max:''' eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No!
 '''Max:''' Yes!
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' I'm going to go over to my computer right now. Start auction.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' Yup. Yup. Start auction. Let's see, $1,000-worth PSN account hacked...I'm going to start the bid at $500.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] You win. Win. I give up.
 '''Max:''' What? I win? It's mine?.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, but just don't sell it on eBay. Please?
 '''Max:''' It's gone.
 '''Chris:''' Look, you can have it, you can—
 '''Max:''' I have a better idea. How about I give it to ED?
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' And they slander your precious little name all over the floor, with [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|the cat crap you slip on]]. How does that sound, Chris? You fucking dumb fuck.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

===Chris holds Max at Duckpoint (11:16-14:00)===
'''Max:''' What are you going to do? Mope? Why don't you show some fucking anger like a man, you fucking pussy? Come on. No, no. "But" nothing, you're a bitch.
 '''Chris:''' No...
 '''Max:''' No, sit right there, like a bitch. You stink like a bitch, you have the boobs of a bitch, and you look like a bitch. And I bet you don't even have a dick down there. You ''are'' a bitch. You've got a big old set of...ovaries...NO!!! NO, NO!!! DON'T!!! OK. OK. OK. You have a dick, you have a dick! Don't fucking SHOW me, you [[Pedofork|pedofffork]]. What the fuck is wrong with you, trying to show me that? Look, I can report you to the cops right now for illegal, indecent exposure or some shit. I don't know. DON'T EVEN...
 '''Chris:''' Nothing was actu--
 '''Max:''' Don't...
 '''Chris:''' Nothing was actually exposed.
 '''Max:''' Well, whatever. Don't show me your dick, please. Just--just don't.
 '''Chris:''' Fine.
 '''Max:''' That's where I cross the line.
 '''Chris:''' Fine. That's wh--selling--selling my PSN account on eBay, that's where I cross the line.
 '''Max:''' Well, it's going on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' You cross that line, I'm crossing this line.
 '''Max:''' It's going on eBay.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' You cross that line...
 '''Max:''' No, yeah, go ahead, it's going on eBay no matter what you do. It's going on eBay no matter what you say. You don't even have the balls to do it anymore, you pussy. It's going on eBay. It's going on eBay no matter what you do. And if you show me your dick, I'm gonna lower it so that any old schmo can get it. So I'd pull those pants right up. It's going on eBay. Uh-huh, eBay, woohoo!
 '''Chris:''' Look, okay— No, listen, stop.
 '''Max:''' eBay, eBay, eBay, eBay.
 '''Chris:''' You take it off of eBay and I'll pull my pants back up--
 '''Max:''' No. It's--it's already on eBay. It's already on. I actually fucking got a bid already, I-I already got a bid. I can't believe it. I'm giving it to this guy. It's gone. Going, going, gone.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Why do you keep using the hand sanitizer, you stupid fuck? Wait, wait. Move over to the chair for a minute. There's something behind you. Move so that I can see behind you...oh! That's the [[Fapcup|cup]] from [[Target]], isn't it?
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' What is it then?
 '''Chris:''' It's the--it's a [[McDonald's]] TEA cup!
 '''Max:''' Oh, I figured it would be McDonald's. That's why you're so fat. You got some [[Muscle bra|man-tits]] going on, big jiggly. Cover that shit up, I don't want to see it. Chris, you are at my beck and call. I would cover that shit up before I get too disgusted. Alright, now I'm going to take it off eBay, but if you yell at me once, it's going on eBay for $1.
 '''Chris:''' Wait. What?
 '''Max:''' And if you fucking start with me one more time, it's going on eBay for a dollar.

===Dance like a Gay Man (14:00-15:38)===
'''Max:''' Hey, can I tell you a secret?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Max:''' I actually...I'm not gonna send Julie over there anyway. I'm not gonna help her to see you.
 '''Chris:''' No. No. You stop. Y-y-y--we had an agreement. I picked Julie!
 '''Max:''' Really?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Well, she's going to have to find her own way over there, 'cause I'm not helping.
 '''Chris:''' No! You--you help her over here...
 '''Max:''' [''drowning out Chris''] Make me! Why don't you make me? Make me! Unless you can positively disgust me, you're not going to make me.
 '''Chris:''' Unless I can positively disgust you?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, which you already do, so...
 '''Chris:''' Look, please, I'm--I'm begging, I'm begging you--I'm begging here, you actually need to send Julie over here, please--
 '''Max:''' No, how about you suck a dick? Suck a dick and take one in your ass. I am not gonna give Julie the money unless you can persuade me.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' How about, Chris--
 '''Chris:''' I throw myself--I throw myself on your mercy, please.
 '''Max:''' I can't even see you.
 '''Chris:''' I throw myself on your mercy, please.
 '''Max:''' Nah. How about you do me a favor? Dance again. Dance for my amusement. Dance like a gay man!
 '''Chris:''' [''makes shuffling and rustling sounds'']
 '''Max:''' Alright, you know, I should have just said do the dance like...Chris? Can I tell you something? Did you kill a horse jockey for that shirt?
 '''Chris:''' No, [[Wikipedia:Goodwill Industries|Goodwill]].

===Medallion or PSN? (15:38-18:14)===
'''Max:''' Yeah. Hey, I have a question? Why aren't you wearing your medallion?
 '''Chris:''' [''exasperated sigh''] Because I promised you that I wouldn't wear it.
 '''Max:''' Put it on, right now. Actually, no, get it really quickly, because I have to tell you something. If you want your PSN account, you're going to have to burn it. Burn the medallion and earn a PS3. A PSN account. What's it gonna be? Your woman and your PSN, or--no, no, no. I'm not going to give you that...uh, anyway, just burn your medallion.
 '''Chris:''' No, wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop. You told me—
 '''Max:''' No, no, I'm not going to get into it, just burn your medallion and we'll see what happens.
 '''Chris:''' I might--
 '''Max:''' You might get your PSN if you burn your medallion.
 '''Chris:''' What about Julie?
 '''Max:''' You'll get her. You'll get her no matter what you do, unless you take the PSN. Then you won't get Julie.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' I want you to burn your medallion, in your hand. Do it.
 '''Chris:''' Hang on, I'm getting it.
 '''Max:''' Are you seriously thinking that I'm going to fall for any of your shit today? 'Cause let me tell you, shithead, I'm not.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'm getting it, okay? It's up here...
 '''Max:''' Oh, oh! And one— One more thing? Hey, Chris, I want--I want you to [[Semen|jizz]] on it before you burn it. [''laughs'']
 '''Chris:''' Jizz?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, and— Oh, and say one thing for me really quickly? Say that Billy Mays is the Mayor of [[CWCville]]. Say it. Say it.
 '''Chris:''' Wait a minute, what does "jizz" mean?
 '''Max:''' Oh, "what does 'jizz' mean?" I'm telling you to [[mass debate]] on it, you stupid dick.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Look, do it so that I can't see you, and really quickly--really quickly, Chris? Yell one thing for me really loudly. [''claps twice''] Can you do this? Say that Billy Mays is the Mayor of CWCville.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Yell it. Yell it loud.
 '''Chris:''' [''confused''] Billy Mays?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, Billy Mays. Say it.
 '''Chris:''' Who the hell is he?
 '''Max:''' BILLY MAYS is the Mayor of CWCville. Say it before I sell your fucking PSN! [''long pause''] Yell it. Yell it as loud as you fucking can. [''more silence''] Come on, [[autism]] metal block!! What--what the fuck's wrong with you? What are you doing? Stop that. Put your hands at your sides, soldier.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I don't want my PSN anymore. Go ahead, sell it on eBay, I don't care.
 '''Max:''' Alright, I'm going to.
 '''Chris:''' Go ahead.
 '''Max:''' I'm gonna sell it. And I'm going to give all the money to ED.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

===Medallion, Jizz, or Julie? (18:14-20:40)===
'''Max:''' Chris, do what I want, or I'm not going to send Julie over there. How about that?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' That's a good boy.
 '''Chris:''' No, you're sending Julie over here.
 '''Max:''' No, no, no. If you do what I want. There are two things I want. First, this is the easy one, shout at the top of your lungs: "Billy Mays is the new Mayor of CWCville!" [''pause''] Come on. Do it!
 '''Chris:''' [''in a droning voice''] Billy Mays is the new Mayor of CWCville.
 '''Max:''' Louder, you fucking pussy!
 '''Chris:''' [''slightly louder''] Billy Mays is the new Mayor of CWCville.
 '''Max:''' Stop saying it in your fucking...dumbass voice, you stupid bitch. I'm not going to send Julie over there if you use that voice again.
 '''Chris:''' [''sighs, raises his voice''] BILLY MAYS IS THE NEW MAYER OF CWCVILLE!
 '''Max:''' Yeah, and also say that "Christian Chandler will be thrown in jail!" CWCville Jail.
 '''Chris:''' And Christian Chandler will be thrown in CWCville Jail.
 '''Max:''' "Where he will be raped by a bunch of niggers!" Say this one really loud.
 '''Chris:''' Where he will be raped by a bunch of [[niggos]].
 '''Max:''' [''giggling''] No, say "niggers", you stupid twat.
 '''Chris:''' [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|Niggers.]]
 '''Max:''' Louder.
 '''Chris:''' [''loudly''] Niggerrrrs!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Louder.
 '''Chris:''' Don't...[[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|don't trust them new niggers over there]].
 '''Max:''' No! No, shut up. You ruined that...fucking joke. Now, Chris, I want you to do this for me. Burn. Your. Medallion! Burn it...no, no, no, no, no. Mass debate on it first, then burn it.
 '''Chris:''' [''voice shaking''] I'd rather just burn it, please...
 '''Max:''' No! You have to mass debate on it, then burn it.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry''] I can't get a hard one while I'm under a lot of [[stress]]!
 '''Max:''' Well, I know--I know something that will help you get a hard-on. Just [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|think of men's dicks]], that'll probably help.
 '''Chris:''' No!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] Yes!
 '''Chris:''' Just the opposite!
 '''Max:''' Oh yeah, uh--yeah, men's balls. Sorry, men's balls.
 '''Chris:''' That's not the opposite, I— That's not the opposite, too.
 '''Max:''' You're right. Men's butts.
 '''Chris:''' [''enraged''] THAT, THU--THAT IS EVEN WORSE!!!
 '''Max:''' Oh, you're right. Men's faces.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry growling noises'']
 '''Max:''' Those [[Creepy stare|persuasive eyes]], they're going to you. Lusting. Lusting for you.
 '''Chris:''' [''screaming''] THEY ARE NOT--{{RageQuote|YOU ARE NOT DOING ME ANY GOOD!!! I HAVE TO PICTURE A WOMAN!!!}}
 '''Max:''' You're gonna stick it in your--you're gonna stick in your butt, you're gonna stick in your butt, ah, ah, [[wikipedia:What What (In the Butt)|what, what, in the butt]]?!

===Losing the Plot (20:40-22:03)===
'''Max:''' Yeah, whatever, just burn your medallion. But you have to be holding it while you burn it. No, put the medallion right there, where I can see it.
 '''Chris:''' [''pissed off''] I gotta get a match or something.
 '''Max:''' Fine, make sure you light one where I can see it. Now, I want you to put it in your hand, I wanna see you get burned, you fucking dick. I want to see you see you get burned! I wanna see you get a fuckin' third-degree burn. [''screaming''] [[A-Logging|I WANNA SEE YOU LOSE A FUCKING FINGER!!!]] Oh, and after— After you, uh— After you, uh, burn it? Shove it up your ass. [''pause''] How does that sound, Chris? Sound like your idea of a good time? [''long pause''] Hey, Chris? [''still silence''] Chris, wait. It's important. Dammit, listen. You can burn the medallion or shove it up your butt: make your choice. [''silence''] Ah, interrogating autistics, it's so easy. It's so easy, especially with you, Chris. You. Dumb. Fuck. You make it all too easy. [''long pause''] Christian, if you don't answer me within the next 5 seconds, I am putting it on eBay and not sending Julie over. [''silence''] 5...4...3...2...1. Alright there, I guess...hey, Julie, you're not gettin' the money, because Chris won't answer me. [''the worst girl voice ever''] Oh no! [''normal voice''] Christian Weston Chandler, listen to me. Listen to me, you fat fucking autistic! Before I bust a fucking cap...or something. [''silence''] [[Jerk]]. I mean, you ''are'' a jerk.
 '''Chris:''' [''rustling'']

===Medallion up Chris's ass (22:03-35:20)===
'''Max:''' Come on, Chris. Come on, Chris. You have 5 seconds before I fucking send my, uh--you have 5 seconds before I send Julie fucking back to Europe. 5...4...321--OH! Too late, going back to Europe, oh yeah. Tell me, Chris, I have to tell you one thing first. You have an alternative. [''Chris is rustling''] Are you ready? Are you listening to me now?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Now, you have an alternative: either burn it ''or'' shove it up your butt. [''mocking''] I hate you. Come on, what are you going to do?
 '''Chris:''' ...I'm going to shove it up my butt.
 '''Max:''' You're gonna...you're going to shove it up your butt?
 '''Chris:''' Actually, I thought of another alternative...that's just about as good as one or the other.
 '''Max:''' No, I want you to shove it up your butt and take a picture, that's that.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No.
 '''Max:''' No, no, no. That's what you have to do now, you said it.
 '''Chris:''' You're going to see this.
 '''Max:''' What are you going to show me? What the--what are you going to show me? No, no, no, no. If you burn it, I will not send Julie over there. You have to shove it up your butt now. Chris, if you burn it, I'll send Julie back to Europe...don't even. I will send Julie back to Europe. I swear to God on my grandmother. Don't do it.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] ...I'll shove it up my butt.
 '''Max:''' Alright, shove it up your--
 '''Chris:''' I'm going to shove it up my butt...But I have to divide it.
 '''Max:''' No. Shove it up your butt, the whole thing. The whole thing!
 '''Chris:''' You want me to shove it up my butt, the whole thing?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, and don't— And don't take it out, just shove it up until...do it in a video.
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing and rustling'']
 '''Max:''' And make sure you take pictures!
 '''Chris:''' [''more rustling'']
 '''Max:''' Oh, get this! [''laughing'']
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing'']
 '''Max:''' Actually, Chris--Chris, no, no, no. I decided--yeah, you can cut it up. Then shove it up your butt. I'm sorry for being so picky. You have to cut it up first. So yeah, you can pull your pants right up.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Uhhh—
 '''Max:''' No, better idea! Burn it, then shove it up your butt.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No. Just let me cut it.
 '''Max:''' Fine. Cut it into two. Into two halves, then shove it up your butt.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' No, four pieces, four pieces. I didn't know they let autistics had sharp cutting...
 '''Max:''' [''slips into his Massachusetts accent''] Careful now, don't cut your fingah... Oh, you cut your fingah. Dollas! Oh no! Police! Help! How does it feel, Chris, to be destroying something you worked so hard on? How's it feel? Tell me, tell me.
 '''Chris:''' Terrible.
 '''Max:''' How does it feel?
 '''Chris:''' Harsh. Cold.
 '''Max:''' [''mocking''] "Cold."
 '''Chris:''' Heartless.
 '''Max:''' Oh, ''me''? ''I'm'' heartless?
 '''Chris:''' No. This act, I'm calling it heartless.
 '''Max:''' Oh, you can call me heartless if you want, you can call me any word.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' While you're thinking, this will help. Call me a fuckin' douchebag again as loud as you can.
 '''Chris:''' Ya fucking douchebag!
 '''Max:''' [''A [[Patti Chandler|dog]] goes "AWOWOWOWOWO!" in the background''] You suck. You suck...nigger dicks. I have a nigger, you know. I have a nigger friend, you want to suck his dick? I have a black friend, Chris, do you want to suck his dick? Yes or no?
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Max:''' Alright, so you said "yes". I'll call him. Hey, Darnell. Darnell, come over here.
 '''Chris:''' No. I said no!
 '''Max:''' This guy wants to suck your dick!
 '''Chris:''' I said NO!!!
 '''Max:''' Well, I think Darnell is too, umm— I think he likes you. I think you're gonna have to.
 '''Chris:''' I said— I said— I said NO!!!
 '''Max:''' No you didn't, I— I heard yes. Darnell— Darnell, I think he said "yes". He said "yes", Darnell. Yes.
 '''Chris:''' I said no! I said no!
 '''Max:''' Um, fine, shit all over your butt. Whatever. Darnell's going to watch, though. Darnell likes to watch. Do you want me to shove Darnell out?
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing, grunting'']
 '''Max:''' Come on, cut it! Chris, how about this. Also, while you're at it, cut your hand. Cut your own hand.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No, this is bad enough.
 '''Max:''' Why won't you cut your hand? I thought you wanted Julie?
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing and rattling'']
 '''Max:''' Alright, fine, didn't work, you just shove it up your butt. And make sure you take pictures for posterity.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] No problem, I've got the camera on.
 '''Max:''' So wait, you're recording this, too?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' Oh, God! You're recording it AND you're showing it live? Really?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' That is awesome. Make sure you send it to me on [[Skype]].
 '''Chris:''' [''sighing and rattling'']
 '''Max:''' Wait, are you recording it right now?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' OK, so, yeah, we saw you cu— The camera saw you cutting?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' Alright, that's...wonderful. [''laughs''] Hey, Chris, one last thing. One last thing before you shove it up your butt. Can you say one thing?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Max:''' Say that you love fat cocks up your ass.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh, system beep''] Can I talk to Julie?
 '''Max:''' After you do this, yes.
 '''Chris:''' After I shove this up my rump?
 '''Max:''' Up your ass, you have to say "up your ass."
 '''Chris:''' Up my ass.
 '''Max:''' Up your ass.
 '''Chris:''' After I shove this up my ass.
 '''Max:''' Hey, Chris, while you shove it up your ass, scream "Zappin' to the extreme!", okay? You have to do this, or I won't send Julie over, okay? I wanna see you shove it up there, and while you do it, say "Zappin' to the extreme!" I want you to shove every piece in there.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' [''singing''] I see a [''unintelligible''] of a man. It's a fat manchild, do-do-doo. [''laughing''] Come on, hurry up. Oh, God, it's all up in my face, get it out. Please. Chris, are you really gonna do this, seriously?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Max:''' Oh, goddammit. Oh, goddammit! Oh, I see brown stains! Did you crap your pants, really?
 '''Chris:''' ...Maybe.
 '''Max:''' No, no, really? Tell me the— Tell me the truth. Did you?
 '''Chris:''' [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Yeah.]]
 '''Max:''' Whatever, just— Just— Yeah, just— Put it in there. And then take pictures of it. Oh...goodness. This is... Just—
Just— Just hurry up, please, just don't make me watch this for too long, please. [''laughing''] [[Family Guy|Insert Rod A into Slot B.]] Do it! Come on. More. More. More. More. More. [''laughing''] More. More. More. As far as you possibly can. More.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' More. More. More. More. Until I can't see it. More. Shove it up. Shove it up, up, up, up, up, up! More! More! MORE!!! Yes, yes. Please! Please, do continue. Oh, I can't wait to see how brown it is when you take it out. Chris! Is your hand stuck!?
 '''Chris:''' [''groan''] I'm tired.
 '''Max:''' No, keep going, you're not gonna fuckin' chicken out.
 '''Chris:''' [''uncomfortable groaning'']
 '''Max:''' How does this make you feel, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' [''grunt''] Miserable.
 '''Max:''' How miserable?
 '''Chris:''' Totally miserable.
 '''Max:''' Oh, really?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Max:''' Well, that's too bad!
 '''Chris:''' [''grunting'']
 '''Max:''' Oh, you sound like [[Wikipedia:Chewbacca|Chewbacca]]'s taking a shit. [''does a Chewbacca impression'']
 '''Chris:''' [''does his own Chewbacca impression'']
 '''Max:''' No, no, no, no, no. Just— Just— Just shut up. Shut up.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I stop what?
 '''Max:''' I said shut up. Don't— Don't even ruin Chewbacca.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' You miserable pile of dick. Err! Oh, God, more. Shove it until I can't see it. Oh, God, poor Sonichu is going to look like Brownichu.
 '''Troll:''' BLUESPIKE!!! NO. MORE.
 '''Chris:''' [''groan'']
 '''Max:''' Brown-Stain Sonichu, with the power to cha—
 '''Chris:''' [''painful groaning'']
 '''Max:''' [''mocking groaning''] Keep going.
 '''Chris:''' [''painful groaning'']
 '''Troll 2:''' BlueSpike, stop that shit.
 '''Troll 3:''' This is awful.
 '''Max:''' [''background noise of small dog barking and door shutting'']
 '''Chris:''' [''groaning''] It don't wanna go in.
 '''Max:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' It don't wanna go in. In there.
 '''Max:''' Then keep trying. Make some room in there.
 '''Troll:''' BlueSpike, stop this shit.
 '''Chris:''' [''painful grunt'']
 '''Troll:''' Stop it. Really.
 '''Max:''' Alright, fine. Stop.
 '''Chris:''' Stop?
 '''Max:''' Yeah, sure.
 '''Chris:''' [''groan'']
 '''Max:''' Don't take 'em out, though, I want them to be in there the whole rest of the time I'm talking to you.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Alright.
 '''Max:''' Now pull your pants up.
 '''Chris:''' One second.
 '''Troll:''' Blue, let him...
 '''Max:''' Yo, Chris, this is what I strive for. Watching you do this kind of thing is...really disturbing, now that I've seen it. [''laughs'']
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Troll:''' Blue, tell him he can take it out.
 '''Troll:''' God''dam''mit, BlueSpike. God ''damn''.
 '''Max:''' [''laughs''] That's so heartless. I made him stop, don't worry.
 '''Chris:''' Be right back. Excuse me.
 '''Max:''' Chris, what the fuck? Seriously, man?
 '''Chris:''' I just want to wash my hands!
 '''Max:''' No, no, no. You can't wash your hands. If you wash your hands, I will not send Julie to Europe.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' You cannot wash your hands.
 '''Chris:''' I can go wash my hands?
 '''Max:''' No, no, I said don't! Don't!
 '''Chris:''' Sound like one thing you say you do, one thing you say you don't.

===Burn your house down (35:20-37:50)===
'''Max:''' How does it feel, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Terrible.
 '''Max:''' Really? How terrible?
 '''Chris:''' Ass-stinkingly terrible.
 '''Max:''' You're a bitch, you know that, for doing this? Whatever. I wonder, what should I make you do next?
 '''Chris:''' No, this is enough.
 '''Max:''' No, no, no, no. You're not the one making the choices.
 '''Chris:''' [''long sigh''] Enough.
 '''Max:''' Chris, how about you, uh... Let's see...what else should you do? Give me a minute to think... Umm...
 '''Chris:''' Please, this is enough. I'm tired, I'm sick—
 '''Max:''' No, no, I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit if you feel tired, you're not the one calling the shots, you fucking prick. So shut up and do what I tell you. Okay? Are we clear?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Yeah. Let's see, what shall I make you do? What should I do to you, Chrissy? What should I do to you? So tell me, what do you want to do?
 '''Chris:''' What do ''I'' want to do?
 '''Max:''' Yeah— No, no, no. I mean, what ''could'' you do that might amuse me?
 '''Chris:''' What could I do that might amuse you...?
 '''Max:''' I have a good idea, Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Actually, I just thought of something.
 '''Max:''' No, no. I've thought of something. Take out the medallion and burn it.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Well, I don't— I told you, I can't— I could not find any matches at this time.
 '''Max:''' No, you didn't tell me, and I don't give a shit. You're not the one making the— Go to the store and get some matches then.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Anyway, I've got something for ya. [''sings''] "I'm a little piggy, here's my snout—"
 '''Max:''' No! Shut up, just shut up, just shut the fuck up! [''laughs''] Shut the fuck up! Shut the FUCK up! I have a good idea: burn your house down.
 '''Troll:''' Goddammit, you idiot!
 '''Chris:''' No, [[Destruction_Of_Chris%27s_House|I'm not going to burn my house down.]]
 '''Max:''' Then the PSN is going on eBay. And the money is going to ED. And Julie is not coming.
 '''Chris:''' I just want Julie over here.
 '''Max:''' Well, you're not going to get Julie over there unless you burn your house down.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] If I burn my house down, then we— Then she won't have a place to come ''to''.
 '''Max:''' You have a point, you have a point. Chris, there is something— There is something...
 '''Troll:''' BlueSpike. Stop it.

===Getting into Mumble (37:51-47:23)===
'''Max:''' Alright, Chris, I want you to be in the [[Mumble]]. Julie's going to talk to you there, it's important.
 '''Troll:''' Ten points.
 '''Troll:''' Taunting won't help right now, just keep muted.
 '''Troll:''' Augh, BlueSpike...
 '''Chris:''' No, unfortunately I cannot—
 '''Max:''' No, Chris, you have to. No, no, get in there! Get in there! Shut the fuck up and get in there!
 '''Chris:''' I can't get the microphone to work over there, I've tried it—
 '''Max:''' Then use the PSEye, that's the only chance you have.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Get in the fucking Mumble right now, and use your PSN. I'm not— I'm gonna tell Julie. I don't have to tell you anything until she hears your HONEST voice. To make sure it's you.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Fine.
 '''Max:''' Yeah! So get your fuckin' ass in there! Or I'll break it!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah.
 '''Max:''' Oh, what was that? Oh, no. Get the [[PSEye]], get the PSEye...
 '''Chris:''' Hang on, hang on.
 '''Max:''' No, I'm not gonna hang on, motherfucker.
 '''Chris:''' I'm gonna get the PSEye.
 '''Max:''' I'm gonna kick you in the PSEye if you don't shut up.
 '''Chris:''' I'm gonna get the PSEye.
 '''Max:''' You better, or I'm gonna have to drop your ass.
 '''Chris:''' No. Just...sit tight for a bit. I'm gonna get the PSEye. Alright?
 '''Max:''' Fine. Yes. And make sure that it works before you come in Mumble.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Max:''' If I may say one thing, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''Max:''' You're a bitch.
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm just trying to find— I'm just trying to...do a— I've just proven I can do most anything for my true love.
 '''Max:''' Alright, then, get in Mumble.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I'm gettin'— Alright, I'm gettin' there. I've just gotta...[''unintelligible'']
 '''Max:''' There we go.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Hang on. Get this twist-tie untied here.
 '''Max:''' Gonna kick you in the twist-tie.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh, then long silence''] Working on this.
 '''Max:''' What's on the [[TV]], Chris?
 '''Chris:''' I've just turned it on to the [[Wikipedia:Cartoon Network|Cartoon Network]], whatever the heck's on now, not gonna watch it, anyway. [''At 41:31, you can hear what vaguely sounds like "[[wikipedia:Have I Told You Lately|Have I Told You Lately]]" by [[I Gotta Make My Move|Rod Stewart]], likely due to him turning his radio on''] Alright, I'm tryin' for you— Tryin' to make this work. [''heavy sigh, then more silence''] Walter Grisby, do... I'm testing— I'm trying to test the mike. I'm testing the mike, I got it plugged in.
 '''Max:''' Does it work?
 '''Chris:''' [''snippy''] I'm working on making it work! It's waiting to find hardware. It's waiting to find software for this hardware.
 '''Max:''' Software for the hardware?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. That's what I just said: software for the hardware.
 '''Max:''' Yes...
 '''Chris:''' The hardware's not installed because it cannot find the necessary software.
 '''Max:''' And your microphone doesn't work. And the microphone doesn't work: the ''Hey You, Pikachu!'' mike.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Still didn't hear you, what did you say?
 '''Max:''' And you don't have any other microphone that works?
 '''Chris:''' At this time, I do not.
 '''Max:''' You have to get one. This is something you want to talk to Julie about.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Max:''' Chris? Chris!
 '''Troll:''' BlueSpike, you've gone too far this time.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' What're you doing, taking a dump?
 '''Chris:''' [''angry''] No, I'm trying to turn my chair around so I can turn the volume down on the radio!
 '''Max:''' [''laughing''] You're so fuckin' whiny!
 '''Chris:''' [''drowned out by Max briefly''] ...behind me! It could— It could fall on to me any second!
 '''Max:''' Oh, I hope it does!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' [''mocking sigh''] What's wrong now, Chrissy?
 '''Chris:''' [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'm working on it!]]
 '''Max:''' Hey, Chris, can I tell you something? Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Let me tell you something, I've still got the— I've still got the medal up my ass, so that hurts!
 '''Max:''' I wasn't... I wasn't gonna ask about that. I just wanted to say I'm sorry about asking you to burn your [[house]] down. I'm sorry.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Max:''' There.
 '''Chris:''' Fine.
 '''Max:''' And I'm sorry for telling you to cut yourself, that's too far. And I sincerely apologize.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Max:''' Apology accepted?
 '''Chris:''' [''pause''] Yes.
 '''Max:''' Good. Cool. Hi, BILLY MAYS here! I'm now the Mayor of CWCville. I took over from that stupid fuck Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Max:''' [''sigh''] C'mon, Chrissy. You are making me mad.
 '''Chris:''' I'm working on it!
 '''Max:''' Well, you're not working fast enough!
 '''Chris:''' Well, I can't help this computer's speed!
 '''Max:''' Do you know how to get the mike working?
 '''Chris:''' I'm trying to get a mike working!
 '''Max:''' I'm just asking if you know how, or are you just trying?
 '''Chris:''' [''whines''] I'm trying!
 '''Max:''' Great, we're gonna be on a fucking wild goose hunt for the past hour.
 '''Chris:''' Hold on a second.
 '''Max:''' We're gonna be holding on for more seconds than you can count, boy.
 '''Chris:''' I'm trying to get this microphone to work! Wait...
 '''Max:''' Well, what're you going through? Audio Wizard?
 '''Chris:''' I got something working.
 '''Max:''' What would that be?
 '''Chris:''' A mike.
 '''Max:''' So, it's working?
 '''Chris:''' It might be. Hang on. I'll log in to Mumble.
 '''Max:''' Alright. Julie will meet you there. [''suppressed laugh''] Goodbye.

===Julie Unveiled (47:34-End)===
'''Julie:''' Chris, I'm happy you're here. Hi.
 '''Chris:''' Hi, hi, hi. I'm gonna put my earphones on.
 '''Julie:''' Hi.
 '''Clyde:''' Hey!
 '''BlueSpike:''' Hey.
 '''Julie:''' Um, Chris...
 '''Chris:''' Julie?
 '''Julie:''' There's something I've been trying to tell you for a while...
 '''Chris:''' Yes?
 '''Julie:''' Well, I'm gonna be there tomorrow, and I think it's safe to say that now I can tell you this. With my heartfelt love.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, uh, yes, uh, go ahead and tell me now.
 '''Julie:''' Do you really wanna know?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' [''sigh''] I can't, not right now.
 '''Chris:''' C'mon, please?
 '''Julie:''' No. I can't.
 '''Chris:''' Please, Julie, I've just been through a whole lotta mess for you just now.
 '''Julie:''' Why, what happened?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'll say that in private, but lemme hear what you say first. From your heart.
 '''Julie:''' Oooh, this is so hard for me to say.
 '''Chris:''' You love me, don't you?
 '''Julie:''' I do, but there's something else I need to say. I just don't... I just don't know how to do this. I don't know how to tell you this. Can I have a few minutes?
 '''Female Troll:''' Blue, he's not there.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Fuuuuck!
 '''Troll:''' Give him some time.
 '''Julie:''' Chris...
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Yeah, I-I came back now, I won— I wonder what happened there.
 '''Julie:''' I don't know, but this is... Can you talk with the [[fans]] for, like, 5 minutes? And then I'll tell you, please?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, could you...
 '''Julie:''' Actually, no. No, I'm ready to tell you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Julie:''' This whole time, Chris...you've been...having sex with a 13-year-old boy, you sick fuck!
 '''Chris:''' What?
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yeah. I'm a 13-year-old boy, Chris, and you've been having sex with me this entire time. I'm gonna give all your fuckin' data to [[Wikipedia:Chris Hansen|Chris Hansen]], you fuckin' pedofork, so you better get the fuck out now—
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''BlueSpike:'''—before I report you to the fuckin' feds. Get out.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Now, wait a minute—
 '''BlueSpike:''' I'd hurry.
 '''Chris:''' I did not— I did not know you were a 13-year-old.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes you did! They're not gonna believe you! They're gonna fuckin' put you away!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Fine, I'll lea—
 '''BlueSpike:''' Tell me, Chris, now— No, no, no, no. Wait a minute. Wait. Now, I'm— Now, I seem to have you in a bit of a vice grip. Now, I'm gonna let you talk, but if you leave, your PSN is going far away.
 '''Chris:''' I'm not leaving now. So, let me guess, you were Max the whole time, weren't you?
 '''BlueSpike:''' And Julie. Yes. Both of them. Both figments of my imagination. They never existed.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] How do you explain...?
 '''BlueSpike:''' There is no Julie. She never existed, Chris. [''whispers''] She died 5 years ago. Who have you been talking to? A BOY! Tell me, Chris. You know, I... Yes, please do speak.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, what do you want me to tell you?
 '''BlueSpike:''' Tell me how you feel about this, that you've been cybering with a 13-year-old boy this entire time. Do you like little boys? I think you do.
 '''Chris:''' [''shell-shocked monotone''] I do not.
 '''BlueSpike:''' You drove to Ohio for no reason. It was a trick. I was able to fool you, you dumb man. How does this make you feel? Tell me.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I feel terrible.
 '''BlueSpike:''' How does it feel that I've tricked you? Tell me?
 '''Chris:''' I feel terrible.
 '''BlueSpike:''' All the things that I've taken from you, they're now mine, and you will never receive them back.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' I got many things out of you, I've gotten to get the audio, the video... Now, if you— If you really want your self-dignity... If you truly want your self-dignity to be remained, then you will send me that video of you shoving the medallion up your anus. Or I will tell everyone what you've been doing. And all the fans will believe that you are a pedophile.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, see, the thing is, I was lying, so I hope you've been recording on your end, because I wasn't recording on my end.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Well, I'm sorry, then, because this is going out. To everyone.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' So, what's it gonna be, Chris? Are you gonna do it again, or am I gonna have to give everything to everyone?
 '''Chris:''' It's kind of hard to do an encore performance at this point.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Well, that's unfortunate, Chris. You're going to have to do it.
 '''Chris:''' [''massive sigh''] Fine, how about this. I take a—
 '''BlueSpike:''' Wait, wait, wait, wait. First of all. Clyde?
 '''Clyde:''' What up?
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes... He finally found out he was - I expected a bit more of a shitstorm - that he's been having sex with a thirteen-year-old boy like a sick fuck.
 '''Clyde:''' Whatever.
 '''BlueSpike:''' And he drove to Ohio for no reason. Chris, tell me, why did you drive to Ohio? Under the idea that you would get...[''mocking kiddie voice''] a [[boyfriend-free girl]]? Should I call Chris Hansen? I think I know his number.
 '''Clyde:''' Hello, hello, Chris. On that trip to Ohio, you had a cell phone. We were calling you, trying to, y'know, give you directions.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes, Chris, let me tell you, there was a Julie. There truly is a Julie. But...
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, there is.
 '''BlueSpike:''' There ''was'', but she died.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Clyde:''' Yeah, we don't have to go with the "died" part, she's real— She actually is in Ohio, but...
 '''BlueSpike:''' Let me tell you something, Chris. About the [[PandaHalo#.22Death.22|wildfires]] I told you about, I truly was the one who started them.
 '''Clyde:''' Okay. Now, you're going crazy, okay? We don't have to do the whole wildfire thing...
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, this is going kinda crazy. I mean, you sounded like a thirteen-year-old boy, and Chris kinda fell for that...
 '''Chris:''' I thought— I thought she— I thought...
 '''BlueSpike:''' How do I sound like a girl to you, motherfucker? How do I sound like a girl? Tell me.
 '''Chris:''' You just sound— I know what a woman sounds like! [''explosion of disbelief from all listeners'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' No, no, no, no, no. Shut the fuck up and let me talk to him. Shut the hell up. And I talked to you in my normal voice, and I can say I'm Julie. I can talk to you in the exactly same voice and I can tell you I'm Max, and you fuckin' believe it. You're dense. You're truly dense, and you don't deserve to live in this fuckin' world. Now tell me, what do you want? Do you want your PSN back?
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Well, that's too bad, because it's gonna be sold.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, c'mon, please?
 '''BlueSpike:''' No, it's gonna be sold.
 '''Clyde:''' Hey, Chris, there's more things, y'know, okay. I ran this whole goddamn operation, look. There's more things to life than your [[PS3]]. Weren't you gonna go outside and have fun, y'know, go outside again?
 '''BlueSpike:''' No, because he thought Julie was real. And he thought she was coming tomorrow, but it was all fake. It was all, all fake.
 '''Clyde:''' I think he knows that. He's not retarded, look...
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes he is, he's fuckin' dumb. Now, Chris...
 '''Clyde:''' [''talking over BlueSpike''] Goddamn this operative being a motherfucker Shut the hell up. Christ. Look, Chris. There are more things to life than your PS3 and whatever. Your whole Internet life has been a lie. There are no ''Sonichu'' fans. Nobody gives two shits about you. The best thing you could do is go outside, for the love of God, okay?
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes, Chris, let me tell you something. Are you going to listen?
 '''Chris:''' I'm listening.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Good. I wish to talk to you sometimes on Skype, to get some information out of you, if you will? Yes. Now tell me...
 '''Clyde:''' Shut up, BlueSpike. He's been fooled so many times. What is this, the ninth time so far?
 '''BlueSpike:''' I think it's the tenth, actually.
 '''Clyde:''' Whatever. I mean, you say you learn from your mistakes, but you never seem to. Ever. [''chorus of "JULAAAY" from the trolls'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' You disgust me, Chris. Every part of you disgusts me. The way that you pathetically plead for your precious Julie. You disgust me...
 '''Clyde:''' And your PlayStation Network account, that's pretty sad.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yeah. "Gimme back my account, you fucking dick!"
 '''Clyde:''' Look, Chris, you can appeal to your— What's left of your fans, at least...
 '''BlueSpike:''' I think he's crying. Why don't we just let the baby cry?
 '''Chris:''' I'm not crying!
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yes you are, you pathetic fuck.
 '''Chris:''' I am not!
 '''Clyde:''' Okay, BlueSpike, BlueSpike. You're a little too mean... Well, whatever.
 '''BlueSpike:''' You're right. If I may inform you, Chris. I know you may have been told this before, but how does it feel to know that this is your entire fanbase?
 '''Clyde:''' That is true, but there's also... Oh, yeah, that's hilarious! [[Anna]], by the way, is not a lesbian. She's just...
 '''BlueSpike:''' Yeah, the lesbian loves the dick. She just doesn't want yours. Every girl so far, every girl has been a troll. We tried to tell you this. And then we just got sick of it...
 '''Clyde:''' You know how many people have told you this, that BlueSpike is a boy? I can't believe how many times... And you still believed...
 '''BlueSpike:''' [''mocking''] "I believe you, because I've heard your [[honest]] and true voice!"
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Goodbye. [''hangs up'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' I think we hurt him pretty bad.
 '''Troll:''' Well, we kind of completely blew Chris's mind right there.
 '''Female Troll:''' Can I...stop the recording now?
 [''Trolls chatter over each other, one troll quoting the old [[Wikipedia:Duke Nukem|''Duke Nukem'']] meme "Balls, Balls, Balls".'']
 '''Female Troll:''' Stop, stop, stop, stop...!
 '''Troll:''' Ballsballsballsballsballsballs.
 '''Female Tro ll:''' Can I stop recording?
 [''Chorus of "Yes" from the trolls. Tape runs out.'']

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?75fhxy3n9yc1662 MP3 of the audio.]
*[http://db.tt/iDXSR3LV Mirror of MP3]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Julie Saga]]

Pmurt

2020-11-08T09:42:14Z

HarryHowler: /* On issues relevant to Chris */

{{quote|Plus, Trump is just too damn rich And [[Chris and hypocrisy|immature]]. And "Trump" spelled backwards is "Pmurt", which rhymes with "Hurt", and he would badly "Pmurt" this country in office.|[[Chris]]}}

{{infobox
| title = Donald Trump
| image = [[Image:Trump.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Donald John Trump
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = Pmurt [[$50 for a video holiday greeting!|A Mean One]] [[March 2017 Facebook Posts|Number 45]] [[React to SNL 41-4 Darn Ol' Tramp 45|Darn Ol' Tramp]] Drumpf Drumpftastic
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = 14 June 1946 (age {{Age|1946|6|14}})
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Male
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = [[United States|American]]
|label6 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6 = White
|label7 = Occupation
|data7 = Real estate developer Television host President, [[United States]] (2017-2021)
|label8 = Preceded by
|data8 = [[Barack Obama]]
|label9 = Succeeded by
|data9 = Joe Biden
}}

'''Pmurt''' is a [[CWC-ism]] for billionaire and current President of the United States '''{{w|Donald Trump|Donald Trump}}''' (born [[Pre-1980#1940s|14 June 1946]]). He initially pronounced it "murt", based on his opinion that the P is silent when the name is said backwards;<ref>[[Something Completely Different - A few Transformers Jokes, also anti-Pmurt]]</ref> however, in [[Eid, Pmurt, Eid|Eid, Pmurt, Eid!!!]], he pronounced the P.

Starting in the latter half of 2016, Chris started to become vocal about his intense dislike of Pmurt on Facebook. In spite of how passionate he feels about Pmurt, Chris's understanding of contemporary politics continues to be exceptionally poor. On 8 November 2016, Chris participated in the US presidential election and voted for [[Barack Obama#White House gag|Hillary Clinton]].<ref>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Chris and Barb vote for Hillary]]</ref> Following news that Trump had won the election, Chris reacted by making multiple death threats against him and Vice President {{w|Mike Pence|Mike Pence}}, which is actually [[Chris and the law|against the law]].

Since encountering the [[Idea Guys]], however, Chris has largely lost interest in politics in favor of engaging in his [[messiah complex]], and as such, has mostly forgotten about Trump. He never addressed his impeachment, which seems odd considering that it was the closest he came to being removed from office early. Nonetheless, Chris slowly became more interested in the 2020 election in the final weeks before election day, particularly after Trump contracted [[COVID-19]]. After a drawn-out election in 2020, it was determined that Trump would lose his re-election bid and would be succeeded by Joe Biden.

__TOC__

{{clear}}

==Meaning of the name==
{{quote|Well, at least MY face ain't fuckin' orange!|Chris, [[DivineTrial|several]] [[At Least My Face Is Not F3c7ing Orange|separate]] occasions before 2016}}
[[File:Pmurt Dlanod.png|thumb|This is what Chris probably believes.]]

This CWC-ism comes from a [[September 2016 Facebook posts#Registered to vote|Facebook comment from 25 September]] (partially quoted above), in which Chris says that "Trump spelled backwards is "Pmurt", [[Random Access Humor|which rhymes with hurt, and that Trump would badly "Pmurt" the US if elected]]".

Reversing Trump’s name has twofold meanings. Firstly, names are particularly sacred to Chris;<ref>[[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]]</ref><ref>[[To Clyde Gregg]]</ref><ref>[[Exposing Jeff]]</ref> in his eyes, mocking someone's name will severely degrade them—this article will establish that Chris has enormous disdain for Donald Trump. Secondly, Chris has historically assumed that saying something backwards induces subliminal stimuli<ref>[[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L]]</ref>—which he believes are enormously influential on the psyche ''and'' the physical body.<ref>[[Subliminal Frequency Hypnosis]]</ref> Therefore, Chris may believe reversing Trump's name, in a negative context, might effectively alter his audience's perception of him. Beyond the random-access humor, Chris probably thinks his rendition of Trump’s name is a serious presidential objection that everyone needs to consider.

Chris continued using this backwards name in subsequent Facebook posts and videos.

==Opposition to Trump==
[[File:CWCiki IntroductionPMURT.jpg|thumb|The changed banner on the CWCki front page just after Pmurt's election.]]
{{quote|You have Got to be kidding! Trump is most [[Chris and hypocrisy|Immature]], [[My Little Pony|Uncouth]], and [[Chris and reality|Not Valid to be president]]. Trump will ONLY make the Country go [[Financhu Crisis|BROKE]], as Groening predicted, and ALL the money will ONLY go to his own debtors and the Fat Cat Rich People, and Hardly ANY for us in the middle class and below. Not to mention he is Anti-[[SLGBTQ|LGBTQ]], Anti-Immigrants, he [[Women's rights|puts down Women VERY BAD]], and he is an all-around Bad Person.

Hillary will [[Monthly tugboat|Tax the Fat Cats and fill the middle class]] and lower and get the country less in debt. And She is PRO-LGBTQ and [[Niggos|Immigrants]], AND She is more beneficial for EVERYONE in General. AND, this country is long Overdue for a Woman's touch.

You should Watch ALL Three Debates On YouTube. I'll send you the links in chronological Order.|Chris<ref>[[Misc texts#Anti-Pmurt]]</ref>}}

Chris has historically never had any real interest in politics. Combined with his general indifference towards anything intellectual in favor [[Video games|of]] [[Lego|nobler]] [[Mass debating|pursuits]], it's perplexing that Trump's involvement in politics would concern Chris as much as it does. Speculation has suggested a more personal root to Chris's animosity. As Chris’s view of politics effectively begins and ends with himself, the true root of his anger lies somewhere in the bramble bush of his [[Chris and psychology|confused psyche]].

For one thing, Chris is highly [[Naive|impressionable]]. As discussed later on this page, the LGBT blogs and groups he follows on Facebook have a negative opinion of Trump, as they generally do with most right-wing politicians due to their left-wing biases. Going off of the minimal amount of information he's absorbed from said blogs, Chris has said that he is afraid of what a Trump presidency could mean for him and his [[Tomgirl|lesbian soul]]. This is in addition to the general trend among popular culture and major-media outlets, which has also been severely critical of Trump. Considering how Chris [[Family Guy|takes things he sees in media at face value]], it makes sense that he would readily and eagerly accept these sentiments without a second thought.

Chris has shown that he picks his candidates based on who he can identify with more. On account of his [[Chris and gender|gender confusion]] and [[JERKS|dislike of men]], Hillary Clinton was far more attractive to him simply because she was a woman. The evidence for this is overwhelming, especially considering that he once compared her with Sarah Palin.<ref>[[Update 02/16/2016]]</ref> This is also consistent with Chris’s fondness of [[George W. Bush|George W. Bush]] and [[Barack Obama|Barack Obama]], both of whom he voted for because he liked them personally.

Especially salient to this discussion is the mentality behind Chris’s [[Brand loyalty|brand loyalty]]. Once Chris picks a [[PS3|side]] on something, he will defend that side no matter what due [[Naive|to a]] [[Chris and reality|misplaced sense of]] [[Autism|rigid devotion]]. This time the side he picked has down and out lost. Chris has been legally able to vote since February 24th, 2000. He's never mentioned voting for a losing candidate in a presidential election before. It's possible that his explosive anger is based partially in the fact that his favored candidate didn't come out on top this time.

Chris has provided the following reasons for why he dislikes Trump. It’s unclear how many of these are his actual opinions and not just things he’s parroting from what he’s heard on the internet. As the astute of you will quickly notice, many of the negative qualities he accuses Trump of having are ones that [[Chris and Hypocrisy|he himself possesses]].

===On character===

*He "[[Death threats|is very spiteful]]".<ref>[[July 2016 Facebook posts#Christine's Driver's License and Woman's Card]]</ref>

*He is an "[[Chris|immature brat]] who mocks everyone".<ref>[[September 2016 Facebook posts#Registered to vote]]</ref>

*He "was a [[Autism|one-track tape]], [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|repeating himself]] [[Honor Roll|on pat [sic] deeds]] [[CADD|that he was "proud"(?)]] of".<ref>[[September 2016 Facebook posts#"Thoughts" on the debate]]</ref>

*He is "[[Chris and anger|hot-headed]], [[Chris and money#Chris and impulse spending|impulsive]], [[Clyde Cash|orange-faced]], [[Chris and money#Barb's toxic influence|money-grubbing]], [[Barbara Chandler|double-dealing]], [[Chris and race|immigrant and race offensive]], and most offensive [on] [[Homos|the LGBTQ]]".<ref>[[Twitter#I have given my issues and feelings of Trump some thought. They are justified...]]</ref>

*He "[[Gal Pal E-mails 4#OkCupid - She's overweight and unappealing|puts down Women VERY BAD]]".<ref>[[Misc texts#Anti-Pmurt]]</ref>

*His "[[Megan emails, 2008#Chris continues bothering her about ED|Womanizing and raping actions]]".

*He is a [[Jerk|male]]. In February 2016, Chris said, "I feel like American [sic] needs a woman's touch finally after all these years"<ref>[[Update 02/16/2016]]</ref> as a reason for why he wanted Hillary Clinton [[Women's Rights|to become president]]. On 20 November, he stated Trump "is of SOO Many Typical Offensive MALE Stereotypes, he probably was born with Two damned "Y" Chromosomes instead of the usual "XY" pair".<ref>[[Twitter#I have given my issues and feelings of Trump some thought. They are justified...]]</ref>

*He is "[[Chris and Reality|Not Valid to be president]]".<ref>[[Misc texts#Anti-Pmurt]]</ref>

Interestingly, both Trump and Chris have been accused of sexual harassment. While Trump's allegations have not been proven, Chris has [[Megan|had the]] [[Kacey|claims regarding]] [[Catherine|him confirmed]].

===On the issues===

*He "Wants [[Chris and race|the immigrants to build their own "Keep Out" wall so [he] would kick them all out]]".<ref>[[September 2016 Facebook posts#Registered to vote]]</ref>

*He has "ideals of [[Chris and money|cutting finances]] from all of the more important resources the country needs in communities and feeding the industries from the National Debt. And he acted against the immigrants in that topic as well; [[Monthly Tugboat|they have to work too, you know]]".<ref>[[September 2016 Facebook posts#"Thoughts" on the debate]]</ref>

*He "will ONLY make the Country go BROKE, as Groening predicted, and [[Chris and Money#Bank lawsuits against Barb|ALL the money will ONLY go to his own debtors]] and the Fat Cat Rich People, and [[Financhu Crisis|Hardly ANY for us in the middle class and below]]" and "Hillary will Tax the Fat Cats and fill the middle class and lower and get the country less in debt".<ref>[[Misc texts#Anti-Pmurt]]</ref>

===On issues relevant to Chris===
[[File:Pence.png|thumb]]
*LGBTQ

Chris is especially paranoid in his belief that Trump and Pence "hate" the LGBTQ community.<ref>[[September 2016 Facebook posts#Registered to vote]]</ref>

Chris has said he does "not just despise Trump and Pence, but as a Leabian [sic] Transwoman, and high-functioning autistic person, I fear, too, what would happen with those two God-damned jerks in the White House". In addition, he said, "I fear the loss of my own rights alongside our other LGBTQ community people's as well".<ref>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Hate and fear of Trump and Pence]]</ref>

However, he has been vague in explaining ''why'' any policies they might implement would affect him. Chris does not face discrimination in the workforce, or in society ([[Chris and the law|at least not from being transgender]]). Over 3 years into their term, Trump and Pence have yet to criminalize the LGBT community and/or allow widespread discrimination of them. Sure, the Republican Party is mostly anti-LGBT, but they know that doing such a stunt would be a political suicide. LGBT rights were admittedly a thorny issue going into the 2016 election, likely due to same-sex marriage only having been legalized throughout the country via a Supreme Court ruling the previous year; however, the president cannot unilaterally override a Supreme Court decision, and even the more conservative justices appointed by Trump during his term are highly unlikely to strike down the earlier ruling, as the court historically has refrained from making decisions which deprive large groups of individuals of their rights, due to such decisions (relating to African-Americans and slavery) in the early-mid 19th century being seen as a major cause of the American Civil War.

Although he's released conflicting statements on the matter, Trump has expressed some progressive ideas regarding transgender issues. Chris is aware of this, but still refuses to give Trump credit, saying he is "most offensive to us in the LGBTQ communities, regardless of his Transgender bathroom choice statement".<ref>[[Twitter#I have given my issues and feelings of Trump some thought. They are justified...]]</ref>. In any case, the only anti-LGBT thing Trump has done as president is barring transgender people from the military, it's not like LGBT people would simply poof out the moment Trump was inaugurated as Chris assumed.

Chris also criticized Pence, saying that "[[Chris and politics|Pence is just as much Anti LGBTQ and everything else that Trump is]], so my feelings are the same with that rat bastard as well, very much".<ref>[[Twitter#I have given my issues and feelings of Trump some thought. They are justified...]]</ref>. His criticism of Pence, however, is a little more understandable, since has indeed promoted anti-LGBT policies and is firmly against same-sex marriage, like any average Republican.

*[[Monthly tugboat|The tugboat]]

Trump has been critical of welfare in the past and throughout his campaign.<ref>http://www.ontheissues.org/2016/Donald_Trump_Welfare_+_Poverty.htm</ref> Should he find Congress agreeable, one of his aims may be to pass legislation limiting welfare’s funding and availability. Chris is dimly cognizant of this and fears that he may end up finding his tugboat reduced or even completely taken away. As of 2020, neither Trump nor Congress have passed any legislation in the matter, and the chance of that happening is very unlikely considering Congress is currently partly controlled by Trump's opposition. Chris continues the receive the tugboat without any problems.

On 14 November, he stated:<ref>[[[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Lego Trump and Pence hanged at the gallows]]</ref>

{{quotebox|they would drain money from [[Monthly Tugboat|SSI]], making my mother and I closer to broke.}}

In truth, what makes Chris and Barb closer to broke is ''[[Financhu Crisis|themselves]]''. Given the rapid decline in their finances, he was hoping Hillary Clinton's policies would increase his tugboat revenue, [[Naive| if not bail the Chandlers out entirely]].

Chris has adamantly refused to budge on his anti-Trump positions. On 20 November, after radio silence following Lizzy the Lezzy readers and his Facebook friends criticizing him for his repeated death wishes, he said, "there is Nothing, nor any amount of time or whatever else, that would make it the cold day in the earth's core to Ever make me have even a remote inkling of a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma of any change of feeling or heart of mine about Trump ever".<ref>[[Twitter#I have given my issues and feelings of Trump some thought. They are justified...]]</ref>

==Chris's news sources==
On Facebook, Chris routinely browses pages on LGBTQ culture, such as Lizzy the Lezzy. In the wake of the 2016 election, many of those pages became inundated with articles written with a clear anti-Trump angle. Chris forms and reinforces his opinions on Trump based on those articles, rating many of them "Angry". Examples of the pages Chris reacted to can be seen [https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/screenshot-www-facebook-com-2016-11-13-05-02-12-png.153431/ here] and [https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/screenshot-www-facebook-com-2016-11-13-19-08-04-png.153440/ here].

It's likely that Chris simply skims headlines or opening paragraphs without taking the time to read the articles. The second example was taken one hour after Chris posted to [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Hate and fear of Trump and Pence|a Lizzy the Lezzy comments section]];<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/fb-11-13-chris-hates-and-fears-trump-and-pence.25777/page-2#post-1878273</ref> given that he was also busy with responding to its readers, it is impossible for him to have thoroughly read the articles. That Chris can't be bothered to learn more about the issues he apparently feels so seized with emotion over is emblematic of his [[Chris and Ego|arrogance]], [[Honor roll|stupidity]], and [[Stress|laziness]]. Chris refuses to even try to understand the issues at hand and so his understanding of Trump and American politics is consequently abysmal.

Chris has also [[Honor Roll|cited an episode of The Simpsons]] as one of his major sources for being anti-Trump,<ref>[[September 2016 Facebook posts#Registered to vote]]</ref> which is appropriate considering [[Chris and television|one of the ways he wastes his time]] in lieu of acting like a functional adult.

==Anti-Trump petitions==
Chris has signed several online petitions in an effort to prevent Trump from assuming the presidency.

*[https://act.credoaction.com/sign/russell_amendment A petition opposing the "anti-LGBTQ Russell Amendment"]

{{quotebox|On January 20, Donald Trump and Mike Pence are going to enter the White House.

They campaigned on a platform of hatred, bigotry, racism, misogyny, and xenophobia...

...[The Russell Amendment] would reverse existing nondiscrimination protections for 28 million people in the federal contracting workforce. That means employers could fire someone or refuse to give them a job because they have a same sex partner, use birth control, are a single mother, are transgender or even simply don’t practice the same religion as their employer.}} Of course, Chris supported this petition—probably because it disparages Trump and references the transgender community. It's unlikely he actually read or understood its contents.

*[https://www.change.org/p/electoral-college-electors-electoral-college-make-hillary-clinton-president-on-december-19 A petition calling on the Electoral College to disregard the election and install Hillary Clinton into the presidency]

Chris also signed this petition, in the hopes that on 19 December 2016, the Electoral College would "ignore" the results of the 2016 Presidential election since Clinton won the popular vote. This did not happen.

==Death threats==
[[Image:Feelings of the election results (720p 30fps H264-192kbit AAC).mp400001.png|thumb|Chris, wishing for Donald Trump's death.]]

Chris's hatred of Trump is so great that he made four videos of himself role-playing acts of violence on him with ''[[Transformers]]'', ''[[My Little Pony]]'' and ''[[Lego]]'' toys, with two of those occurring before the election,<ref>[[September 2016 Paid Video Requests#Paid Message to the Trolls]]</ref><ref>[[Something Completely Different - A few Transformers Jokes, also anti-Pmurt]]</ref> including one where he destroyed [[List of toys#Transformers: Titans Return|a Transformers toy]], further showing his lack of [[Chris and money|financial]] [[Financhu Crisis|sense]].

'''Timeline'''

On 9 November 2016, Chris began making several enraged [[death threats]] against the then President-elect. He continued his tirade in the following days, adding Vice President Mike Pence to his death prayers on 10 November, in spite of the possibility that it could land him in serious legal trouble. According to [http://uscode.house.gov/view.xhtml?path=/prelim@title18/part1/chapter41&edition=prelim United States code], a threat against the President is punishable by a fine and/or a maximum of five years in prison.

Chris has gotten himself into [[Chris and the law|legal trouble]] multiple times in the past, to the point that he has six misdemeanors on his record, with four of those stemming from assault crimes. He is also having [[Financhu Crisis|financial trouble]]. Only time will tell how far Chris pushes his luck with his repeated calls for Trump and Pence to die.

Given that Chris's address is public knowledge, the possibility of the Secret Service visiting and interrogating him for his threats and then forcing him to not divulge anything should not be ruled out.

[[Image:Legotrumppence.jpg|thumb|left|Trump and Pence depicted being murdered in Lego form by Chris, part of a line of his perceived enemies who have been the subject of his [[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Voodoo-Wise|voodoo-magic]] [[Gal Pal E-mails 4#OkCupid and Impotent Rage|revenge fantasies]].]]

===2016===
'''9 November'''

*3:28 am - Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Chris wants Trump assassinated|posts on Facebook]] that he wants someone to assassinate Trump with a sniper rifle. Chris's Twitter account automatically tweets the post. Throughout the day, many [[Chris in the media#Death threats against Trump|high-profile Twitter users]] retweet the post. Several Twitter users say that they reported him to the FBI and Secret Service.<ref>http://archive.is/bHnGQ</ref>

*3:39 am - Chris [[Eid, Pmurt, Eid|uploads a YouTube video]] depicting him smashing a ''Transformers'' toy in effigy of Trump, while screaming "die!"

*3:40 am - Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Eid, Pmurt, Eid!!!|posts on Facebook]] again. He links to the YouTube video and says Trump "should Die now" before taking office. The post is also tweeted by his Twitter account.

*5:15 am - The "sniper rifle" death threat disappears from Facebook.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-calls-for-the-assassination-of-our-dear-leader.25664/page-4#post-1865911</ref>

*8:30 am - An Infowars.com [http://www.infowars.com/hillary-supporters-burn-american-flag-riot-threaten-to-kill-trump-after-losing-election/ article], featuring Chris's death threat in tweet form, is published.

*11 pm - The same threat disappears from Twitter.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-calls-for-the-assassination-of-our-dear-leader.25664/page-14#post-1869300</ref>

'''10 November'''
*4:07 am - Chris [[Twitter#10 November 2016.1|tweets]] the Infowars article.

*4:23 am - Chris [[Twitter#10 November 2016.2|tweets]] that he wants his audience to join him in wishing death to the then President-elect Trump before January 2017.

*6:53 pm - Chris again [[Twitter#10 November 2016.3|tweets]] to pray for Trump's death. He also prays for then Vice President-elect Mike Pence's death. He then links to [https://act.credoaction.com/sign/russell_amendment a petition] from Credo Action, concerning the "anti-LGBTQ Russell Amendment".

'''13 November'''
*2:06 am - Chris [[Feelings of the election results|uploads a YouTube video]] in which he uses Legos to role-play Mike Pence murdering Trump and getting arrested. He then holds up a sheet of paper, with the handwritten words (backwards and facing himself):

<center>{{quotebox|(Before January 2017) Die, Trump, die, or by illness, by Mike Pence's hand.}}</center>

*2:36 am - Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Feelings of the election results|posts on Facebook]] about being annoyed by leftover Trump/Pence campaign signs. It is unknown whether or not Chris will [[Sonic Boom Protests|take down the signs himself]].

*5:06 am - Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Feelings of the election results|posts on Facebook]], linking to the Infowars article. He then tries to justify his behavior by saying, "I'm not the only one who wants him dead".

*9:17 pm - Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Hate and fear of Trump and Pence|posts]] to the Lizzy the Lezzy comment section, asking the readers to pray for Trump and Pence's deaths "before Thanksgiving". Many people respond, trying to talk sense into him, to no avail.

'''14 November'''
*12:53 pm - Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Lego Trump and Pence hanged at the gallows|posts a picture to Facebook]] depicting Lego versions of Trump and Pence being executed by hanging, while handcuffed. The text on the photo reads:

<center>{{quotebox|Die, Trump, Die. Die, Pence, Die.

We do not want either of you in office; jail for you both is unlikely; We, the LGBTQ community, do not want to lose our protection and rights}}</center>

*1:16 pm - Chris follows up by commenting that, since prison is "unlikely" and impeachment is "difficult" then "Death upon those two before January, 2017, at this time and point is a necessary evil".

*3:07 pm - Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#I'm done adulting|posts]], saying "[[Chris and reality|Trump is Not president, mayor, or Anything in Cwcville]]".

*7:30 pm - The execution-by-hanging post, and the associated comments, disappears from Facebook.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/11-14-16-chris-simulates-murder-with-legos.25791/page-7#post-1880108</ref>

'''15 November'''

*10:44 pm - Chris [[I Tweet AND Post Simultaneously|announces]] Facebook had temporarily banned him from posting for a week.

'''20 November'''

*5:00 am - Chris, in [[Twitter#I have given my issues and feelings of Trump some thought. They are justified...|a 22-tweet long rant]], makes several childish insults and says he had given his "issues and feelings of Trump some thought". He claims that they are "justified". He ends his rant by complaining about Twitter's 140-character limit.

'''2 December'''
[[File:Alpha TrionYoung warrior challenge explained.mp400001.png|thumb|Playing [[God]].]]

*5:51 pm - Chris uploads [[Alpha Trion/"Young" warrior challenge explained]]. He role-plays Trump, Pence and Clinton using Legos:

{{quotebox|So [[Chris and english|advocate]] the office, Trump! Advocate the position. And then maybe I'll take you down off of that noose.}}

'''29 December'''

*1:11 am - Chris [[December 2016 Facebook posts#Advocate or die, Trump!|returns to posting death threats against Donald Trump]] on Facebook. In response to an article on Trump and the {{w|First Amendment Defense Act|First Amendment Defense Act}}, Chris commented, "ADVOCATE THE OFFICE, TRUMP, or Die, Trump, Die!!!"

*1:43 am - Chris [[December 2016 Facebook posts#A puzzler for Trump|posts a puzzler]] for Trump. He asks Trump to consider a scenario wherein there is an alternate reality where everyone is gender-flipped and an "Anti-Straight Law" is proposed. He asks if Trump would support a law that is against the "Donald Trump(ette)" of that world. He ends by threatening Trump again: "#DonaldTrump, Advocate the Office and let Hillary Clinton run this country, For the Love of Religion, and for any shred of Self-Love you have for yourself. Or die from yours or someone else's hand."

Chris later proofread both posts, editing ''advocate'' to ''abdicate''. However, he did not tone down the death threats.

===2017===
'''4 January'''

*8:34 am - Chris [[Twitter#Tweeting a death threat to Trump|tweets]] the link for his [[December 2016 Facebook posts#A puzzler for Trump|puzzler]] to Trump's Twitter account, with the death threat still intact.

*6:03 pm - For the second time, Chris [[Twitter#Tweeting a death threat to Trump again|tweets]] his [[December 2016 Facebook posts#A puzzler for Trump|puzzler]] to Trump.

'''20 January'''

*10:54 pm - Chris reacts to news on the inauguration of President Trump on [[The United States of America has NO President or Vice President, Whatsoever|YouTube]], [[January 2017 Facebook Posts#USA has no president or vice president|Facebook]] and [[2017 tweets#January|Twitter]]. He insists that the USA has no President or Vice President, taking the "#NotMyPresident" hashtag [[Autism|a step further]] by stating that he will see "an empty chair with no audible speech whatsoever". To cap it off, he says his mind will not be changed until either Trump and Pence leave voluntarily or they "are both deceased".

===Chris on his death threats===
Chris has attempted to rationalize his constant calls for Trump and Pence's deaths and to reconcile his violent attitude with him being "bothered" that he has to "resort to death wishing on Anyone".<ref>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Lego Trump and Pence hanged at the gallows]]</ref>

After Chris suggested to the readers of Lizzy the Lezzy (a LGBTQ Facebook page) to wish death on Trump and Pence, they instead criticized him for saying such "stupid" things.

One person said, "wishing death on people you don't like doesn't exactly make you look like a better person in comparison". Chris replied by saying that, with Trump and Pence in office, it would then be difficult to "impeach them and get Hillary in".<ref>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Hate and fear of Trump and Pence]]</ref>

Chris has shifted on how he wants Trump to die. Upon learning of the election results, he wanted someone to kill Trump with "a sniper rifle".<ref>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Chris wants Trump assassinated]]</ref> The next day, he asked [[Chris and religion|God]] to do it.<ref>[[Twitter#10 November 2016.2]]</ref> Days later, he wanted Mike Pence to murder him.<ref>[[Feelings of the election results]]</ref> He also believed it was possible that Trump will die from old age before inauguration day,<ref>[[Feelings of the election results]]</ref> and that Clinton would not, since "Men die earlier than women".<ref>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Hate and fear of Trump and Pence]]</ref> Inexplicably, Chris also wants "science" to kill Trump.<ref>[[Twitter#I have given my issues and feelings of Trump some thought. They are justified...]]</ref>

Chris has considered the notion of Trump and Pence going to prison, but has concluded that "Prison is unlikely for them, how difficult impeachment is, what other option is there?" He believes Trump should be jailed "for all of his [[Emily|sexual]] [[Catherine|assaults]] and rape on women".<ref>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Lego Trump and Pence hanged at the gallows]]</ref>

He would prefer for Trump and Pence to simply hand over their democratically-elected positions, saying to "give the role of President, with most civil grace to Hillary Clinton. And since that is most bloody unlikely of Trump, ever, I am still most pained to continue having to pray for Trump's and Pence's Deaths to happen Before January, 2017, by someone else's hands or illness".<ref>[[Twitter#I have given my issues and feelings of Trump some thought. They are justified...]]</ref> Chris further demonstrated his lack of political understanding in a post on 4 December, in which he said that Trump should "advocate the position, and take Pence with him, and let Hillary be President, as it should Very Well Be".<ref>[[December 2016 Facebook posts#Pmurt should advocate the presidency]]</ref> Chris likely has the word ''advocate'' confused with ''abdicate'', which is a term he might have heard in [[Anne Boleyn|British TV shows]] - it's a term typically used in reference to a monarchy.

Due to his [[Autism|stubbornness]], Chris has refused to budge from his anti-Pmurt positions, even after Lizzy the Lezzy's readers ''and'' his Facebook friends criticized him for his repeated death threats. On 20 November, he stated, "I have given my issues and feelings of Trump some thought. They are justified", followed by saying, "As much as I would like to choose to be rednecked and stubborn enough to plead complete ignorance and utter denial of him and Pence not only on the verge of taking office, there is still too many damn visuals about the bastards that plain further frustrate and upset me".<ref>[[Twitter#I have given my issues and feelings of Trump some thought. They are justified...]]</ref>

Unfortunately for Chris, he simply forms his opinions via skimming clickbait articles whose authors are inclined to disagree with Trump. Due to his [[Announcement 06292016|untreated autism]], he hasn't attempted to do any research of his own on what Trump and Pence have said. Instead, he opts to live on in willful ignorance, putting no effort into enriching himself with knowledge and getting fanatically emotional about matters he barely understands. It's to the point that he believed "Death upon [Trump and Pence] before January, 2017, at this time and point [was] a necessary evil".<ref>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Lego Trump and Pence hanged at the gallows]]</ref>.

==2020 election==
{{quote|Right on! I say No to Drumpftastic [[Mathematics|infinity squared]].|Chris, giving support to the Biden/Harris campaign in response to Jason Alexander's endorsement.<ref>[[October 2020 social media posts#No to Drumpftastic]]</ref>}}
[[File:YangGang.png|thumb|left|For a time, Chris was part of the Yang Gang.]]

By the time he encountered the Idea Guys, Chris had shifted his focus from being invested in following LGBT+ groups to being invested in his [[Chris and coping|imaginary world]]. Without the influence from LGBT groups, Chris seemed to have left his hatred of Trump and his interest in politics behind, preferring to occupy himself with his [[polyamorous marriage]]s and alternate [[dimensions]]. Nonethelss, Chris vocalized his support for Andrew Yang in [[October 2019]], during the lead-up to the Democratic Party primaries to select a nominee for President. Conversely, he practically ignored any and all news concerning Trump's impeachment in [[December 2019]] and the months that followed, which demonstrated Chris's comparative lack of interest in politics at this point in time. After all, the impeachment process would have been the earliest point that he could have been removed in office besides January 2021, presuming that he lost his 2020 re-election bid (which he eventually did).

However, Chris did become more engaged with politics much closer to the 2020 election, starting around the time that news that Donald Trump contracted [[COVID-19]] got out. Taking to [[October 2020 social media posts|social media]] during [[October 2020]], he replied to [[Ben Saint]] to dispel his claims that Chris was responsible for Trump's ailment; Chris also took a moment to proclaim that COVID-19 would '''not''' be the cause Trump's demise, but that his end will come by other means, as [[Eid, Pmurt, Eid|his death]] is foretold as part of Chris's own [[Dimensional Merge]] prophecies. He then vocalized support for Democratic Presidential and Vice Presidential candidates Joe Biden and Kamala Harris a few days later, after their respective debates against Donald Trump and Mike Pence, ensuring that they received the critical Sonichu vote in the election. Chris also appreciated the schadenfreude of someone reportedly hacking into Trump's [[Twitter]] account after it was reported to have very minimal security protection.

True to Chris's prophecy, Trump appears to have recovered from his infection since being diagnosed with COVID-19. That being said, whether or not that will last is in question due to the amount of drugs that he's being filled with to suppress the symptoms, along with other factors like his age, [[obesity]], history of substance abuse, and unwillingness to rest in favor of going back on the campaign trail affecting his body's ability to fight off the infection, particularly since this strain of the Coronavirus has often come and gone in waves in patients who are faced with serious symptoms.

It should also be noted that Chris actually believes that {{w|Lisa Simpson}} will become POTUS after the [[Dimensional Merge]] takes place<ref>[[Discord Q&A 5#Operation of CWCville's Government]]</ref> regardless of how the 2020 election plays out. This belief presumably takes its influence from "{{w|Bart to the Future}}", the episode of ''[[The Simpsons]]'' set years in the future in which Lisa succeeds Donald Trump's fictional administration, which substantially increased the national [[debt]] before she took office. Amusingly, Kamala Harris has been compared to Lisa Simpson (along with her mother, [[The Simpsons#Marge poster|Marge]]) by her political opponents. However, the events of "Bart to the Future" are not predictive, despite numerous viral videos promoting such misconception. Donald Trump considered running for the job in 1999, one year before the episode aired, and the first of the six bankruptcies to affect his businesses occurred in 1991.<ref>https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/simpsons-predict-trump</ref>

The actual election arrived on November 3, after weeks of early voting: the winner was unusually not declared overnight, due to a combination of high voter turnout and a large increase of {{w|Postal voting in the United States|postal votes}} as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic.<ref>https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/election-us-2020-54800337</ref> Despite Chris’s opposition to Trump, and the uncertainty of the election, he tweeted that he would [[Honor roll|vote for Lisa Simpson]], likely due to his belief that she would lead the nation after the Merge.<ref>[[November 2020 social media posts##LisaSimpson2020]]</ref> Provisional results indicate that Chris may be one of only two {{w|write-in candidate|write-in}} voters in Ruckersville. There's an outside chance that he somehow convinced [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] to vote for Lisa as well.<ref>[https://results.elections.virginia.gov/vaelections/2020%20November%20General/Site/Locality/GREENE_COUNTY/President_and_Vice_President.html Unofficial Election Results], Virginia Department of Elections</ref>

Regardless of whether or not Chris really wasted his vote on Lisa Simpson, Biden easily won Virginia later that night by nearly ten points, with the next few days of news reporting revolving around who won the states of Alaska, Nevada, Arizona, Wisconsin, Michigan, Georgia, North Carolina, and Pennsylvania, a handful of which would determine the victor of the {{w|United States Electoral College|Electoral College}} and therefore the Presidency. From November 4 onward, Biden won Wisconsin and Michigan and had substantive leads in Nevada and Arizona, while absentee ballots being counted indicated that he could win in Georgia and Pennsylvania as well; therefore, he was deemed likely to win the national election after all ballots are returned, ensuring that Trump is a one-term POTUS in spite of the latter's preemptive declaration of victory. (Eventually, Biden would overtake Trump in Georgia and Pennsylvania alike while retaining his leads in Nevada and Arizona, getting more than enough electoral votes than the 270 minimum needed to become POTUS.) Chris has yet to address the events of the election, aside from commenting "Yup." on a video where Senator Bernie Sanders explained to Jimmy Fallon that it would take days to count the ballots in some states.

On November 7, the election was finally called for Joe Biden. Per the transition process, Donald Trump will have to leave the White House on January 20, 2021.

==See also==
* [[Chris and politics]]
* [[Chris and English]]
* [[Death Threats]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.whitehouse.gov/administration/president-trump Official White House Website]

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{PoliticalVideos}}
{{People}}
[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]
[[Category:Politics]]
[[Category:Trolls]]

Sonic Boom Protests

2020-08-31T08:20:37Z

HarryHowler:

:''For the song, see [[SingStar Challenge Round 1]].''
{{quote|Now, most of us, we recognize this is a bad game for many reasons. The camera's awful, the characters never shut up, the gameplay is horrific, it's just a bad game. But no, this is not Chris-Chan's problem with Sonic Boom. Chris-Chan's problem with Sonic Boom is that they changed Sonic's arm color from white to blue.|[[WTFIWWY Segment|Nash]] summarizes Chris's protests for the uninitiated.}}
[[File:ChrisSonicBoomArms.jpg|thumb|Remember kids: always affect change through vandalism. [[26 December 2014|What could possibly go wrong?]]]]
[[File:PROTESTING SANIC BUM.jpg|thumb|Chris's protest inserts.]]

Towards late [[2014]], while everyone else was posting on [[Facebook]] about less important political concerns, [[Chris]] decided that the most important cause of the time was protesting [[Sega]]'s decision to '''make [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]]'s arms blue''' (as opposed to the usual tan color) in '''''Sonic Boom''''', their latest ''non-canon'' game in the series. Chris was so passionate about this supposed defamation of his favorite video game character that he went so far as to write incoherent, rambling letters to Sega, throw tantrums about it on Facebook, [[Death threats|threaten the lives]] of Sega employees, glitterbomb Sega's American HQ, and even physically assault retail staff. His angry, incoherent letters to Sega clearly show that Chris's [[Chris and reality|prolonged estrangement from reality]] is at its peak, and that concepts such as civility, moderation and channeling [[Chris and anger|anger]] in any way that doesn't involve ranting like a child throwing a tantrum are by now completely alien concepts to Chris, or at least go out the window whenever he's annoyed. Unfortunately, unlike previous bouts of anger where Chris would film himself or take to social media to rage at his target, in this instance, he decided to take a hands-on approach to it by vandalizing copies of ''Sonic Boom'' wherever he saw them. When GameStop employees rightfully tried to make him leave the store, he agreed to walk out, but only after [[26 December 2014|brandishing his can of mace and spraying it at one poor employee's shirt]].

At first, it was unclear whether Chris would boycott ''Sonic Boom'' or just buy the games and watch the show like the [[Chris and brand loyalty|consumerist lemming]] he is. Given his irrational hatred and acts of vandalism towards otherwise available games, the former seemed more likely. On 13 [[January 2015]], it was [[Kiwi Farms|revealed]] that he owned copies of the games. Chris said that they were sent to him by [[Catherine]].

Why Chris has such a bizarre distaste for such a minor, insignificant detail in the first place is still up for speculation. It could simply be some [[Autism|overly-attached]] [[Manchester High School|nostalgia]] to the 'original' Sonic the Hedgehog, or possibly some inner-venting for his own [[Sonichu (comic)|failed franchise]] that he is determined to get into ''Super Smash Bros. for Wii U and [[Nintendo]] [[3DS]]''. Whatever the reason, it certainly isn't [[health]]y for Chris, given his current [[Chris and psychology|state]]. In other words, this makes the superficial reactions to Godzilla supposedly getting "[[Obesity|fatter]]" in the 2014 movie, or the new designs for the lightsabers in ''[[Star Wars]]: The Force Awakens'', seem simple and quaint in comparison. At least he isn't complaining about Sonic's green eyes?

==Protests==
===Blarms Backstory===
Chris's hatred for Sonic's blue arms started in February 2014, when the first advertisements for the ''Sonic Boom'' TV show appeared on [[Adult Swim|Cartoon Network]]. In December he offered the following chronology:

{{quotebox|3 December 2014

I have just received a question from one of my girl friends: "So, I'm curious, where did you hear about this blue-armed Sonic Issue? Is it something you discovered on your own, or is it a bigger issue in the Sonic community?"

To best answer this question, and to VERY MUCH my visual dismay and further recollection: I HAVE been feeling this SINCE Last February. I needed to search for the ONE Announcement Trailer Video of the DAMN TV Show. I Remember finding it for myself on either Facebook through SEGA's feed, or on YouTube through the video recommendations, on my laptop, as we were moving into the temporary house. I felt UTTER Shock at the sight of the Blue Arms on Sonic immediately as I watched it for the first time that day in Early February, 2014; This Year.

I was too busy and [[Stress|stressed]] from collecting as much as possible from the burnt house, and bringing them either to our Storage Unit, and this house's basement

I had not thought about the issue much, UNTIL Last June or July with the E3 Trailers being presented on the SEGA and Sonic Facebook Pages! Since Then, I have continuously protested the Blue Arms by commenting and messaging them that "Sonic's Arms are NOT Blue!!!" And among which, I have Warned Them that this sort of thing would NOT end well for them, and it was, and still is, a Very Bad Idea!!!

So, in short: I watched the damn trailer last February, I felt Pissed Off Then, I relearned about it last June or July: I Still felt Very Pissed Off, and NOW I am continually Growing and GROWING More Angry and PISSED OFF AT SEGA, NINTENDO AND CARTOON NETWORK AND EVERYONE ELSE INVOLVED THERE!!!

I have Contacted SEGA and Commented NUMEROUSLY with MONTHS worth of time. They ignored me, Not Responded or Done Anything about it at all, and therefore the time for Talk IS LONG DONE AND OVERWITH!!! AND WE NEED ACTION UPON SEGA AND SONIC BOOM NOW MORE THAN EVER!!!

Thank you.

<nowiki>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_A3e2bl334</nowiki>}}

For all the agitation and violence, Chris has never clearly explained exactly ''why'' this particular alteration to this particular cartoon character makes him so furious. The closest he came to explaining his confrontational stance was in a June Facebook post:

{{quote|I only just heard and seen the ugly change a few weeks ago, and I had too many other [[Stress|stresses]] going on to act earlier.

Why do I feel this way?

The same reason why many people feel [[Chris and race|Michael Jackson should]][[Chris and reality| not have had to ]][[Chris and race|change his color]]. Would you want to change your skin detail, just for a "change of image" or an "insecurity of self-concept"?

I would not even [[Chris and death|commit suicide ever]], because of how low in self-confidence and self-esteem I have been feeling for YEARS. I'm going to eventually [[Chris and health|pass natural]].

So let's get Sonic's arm color changed back!}}

[[File:001-Christophers1stSonic.jpg|thumb|220px|Chris must ''really'' hate this drawing now.]]

He returned to the Michael Jackson analogy in November, arguing that "this Blue Arm Travesty is as Gosh Awful as Michael Jackson's whiteface thing!" He was careful to add, "Nothing personal against the Pop Star singer....And nothing personal against anyone of any Race or Color either."

While it is difficult to decipher Chris’s garbled sentences, it is clear that his fury is linked to his belief that Sonic, like all cartoon characters, [[Chris and reality|is real and lives in a parallel universe]]. Like many autistic people, Chris is very resistant to change, especially when it is forced upon him. Chris would not change (“commit suicide”) even in the face of tremendous hardship. Sonic, however, was forced to change for trivial reasons such as appealing to a broader audience. Sonic has been Chris’s lifelong hero with whom he identifies strongly, so he has taken this injustice very personally. Unfortunately, he falsely assumes that countless millions feel the same way.

At other times, however, Chris has latched onto the idea that the blue arms cause him "sensory overload." [[Sensory Overload|Sensory overload]] is a broad term simply meaning that the body reacts to overstimulation of a sense, but in autistics it generally refers to an abstract, specific sensory stimulus (such as blue arms) which the autistic person is simply unable to stand. However, if sensory overload were a real issue, all he would need to do is avoid Sonic Boom. Chris has never before complained about sensory overload, and damningly has gone so far as to ''draw blue-armed hedgehogs himself'' such as [[Chris and art|some depictions]] of [[Bubbles Rosechu]]. The truth is that Chris either believes that Sega is abusing his best friend, or he is using his [[autism]] as an attempt to [[chris_and_the_industry|manipulate the intentions of a multi-billion dollar worth company.]]

===Oh Noes, It's Got a Second Season!===
After discovering that the TV series was renewed for a second season, Chris posted on Facebook to complain about it again.

{{quotebox|5 December 2014

A Second Season of the ‪#‎SonicBoom‬ show with those, [[Stress sigh|UGH!!!]], Blue Arms?!!! Hell No!!!

Boycott ‪#‎CartoonNetwork‬ With Me!!! Refuse to Watch the channel!!! Refuse to go to their Website for Any Reason as well!!! And TELL THEM TO PULL THE DAMN CARTOON FROM THE AIR AND FORCE ‪#‎SEGA‬ TO RECOLOUR SONIC'S ARMS BACK IMMEDIATELY!!!

http://www.gamnesia.com/news/sonic-boom-cartoon-is-very-successful-second-season-confirmed

[[File:GamenesiaSonicBoom.jpg|220px]]}}

===Spreading the Good Word===
{{quotebox|5 December 2014

Also, Spreading the good word around; commenting and messaging others as I have? Copy/Paste the following short-but-direct message, with the link below:

SONIC'S ARMS ARE NOT BLUE, AND THEY SERIOUSLY CAUSE SENSORY OVERLOADS IN ME!!! SEGA NEEDS TO RECALL EVERYTHING SONIC BOOM AND CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!!

FOLLOW ME IN BOYCOTTING SONIC BOOM, UNTIL SEGA WISES UP, RECALLS EVERYTHING AND CHANGES HIS ARM COLOUR BACK, NOW!!!

Join My Group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]], and Sign Our Petition NOW!!!

https://www.facebook.com/groups/fixSonicsArmsImmediatelySEGA/}}

===Greatest Mistake Ever===
{{quotebox|7 December 2014

Follow My Lead to Force SEGA to Wise Up and Fix Their Greatest Mistake Ever!!!}}

Chris later on posted a link to this post to his Facebook group:

{{quotebox|
EVERYONE! I am going to hand-write to SEGA about this matter, and I have just called their 1-800 number and left a message last night. I will call again middle of this coming week if they do not call me back.

I am urging everyone in the group to write and/or telephone SEGA as well, and INSIST and DEMAND upon them to Recall Everything Sonic Boom, including the cartoon and video games, and Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately!!!

Suggest for them to do the following:
-Recall ALL remaining stock of the Sonic Boom Games and Merchandise from ALL of the stores carrying them.
-On the eSHOPS, IMMEDIATELY change the initial software to reflect Sonic with his original Tan Colour Arms, as well ALL video and imagery therein on there.
-Replace ALL of their imagery and videos on their official websites and pages to reflect Sonic with the original tan colour arms as well.
-IMMEDIATELY create NEW game Cards, Discs AND Inserts with Sonic's original tan colour arms. And on the software, the arm colour MUST be there INITIALLY; BEFORE any downloaded Software Updates.
-INSTILL downloadable Software Updates for all of the already sold games to reflect Sonic Initially with tan colour arms as well.
-REMOVE the Sonic Boom Cartoon from the Television and Internet airwaves, and change ALL of the Season One Episodes for Sonic to have his Original Tan Colour Arms, and Initially make that default in ALL following Seasons of episodes, including the Second Season.
-AND They Must Announce this Recall and Update, As well as Apologies to Every Individual Person who Has Found Little to GREATEST Offense in the new Arm Colour, IMMEDIATELY, WORLDWIDE BROADCAST AND IN PRINTED MAGAZINES AND NEWSPAPERS EVERYWHERE!!!

Also, copy and paste the following true statement in your letters and telephone conversations:

"The very sight of Sonic's Blue Arms makes our ally, Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, VA, suffer from consistent Sensory Overloads. Upon seeing them, his brain immediately shuts down into a momentary to lengthy (depending on how long he is forced to displeasingly endure the horrific sight) state of mental paralysis. Combined with his Autism, he only gets more angry as each day passes with this pair of blue arms still remains. Either the Change back to him having tan colored arms happens IMMEDIATELY, or he and our THOUSANDS to MILLIONS of allies in the Sonic the Hedgehog Loyal Fanbase will only get more Angry and Outraged to the point of coming right over there to your office and doing something Very Bad there."

Also, if somehow you have managed to receive a copy of either Sonic Boom game (no questions asked), you should SMASH the Game Disc and or Game Card, and enclose the pieces with your Letter to SEGA of America. To show them that we are Very Serious and Passionate towards Rectifying their mistake in changing Sonic's arm colour.

Below is their address, and Customer Support phone number; LET'S GIVE THEM HELL AND BACK IN FORCING THEM TO WISE UP AND CHANGE SONIC'S ARMS BACK IMMEDIATELY!!!

'''[REDACTED]'''

‪#‎SEGA‬
‪#‎SonicTheHedgehog‬
‪#‎SonicBoom‬
‪#‎Nintendo‬
‪#‎CartoonNetwork‬
‪#‎GameStop‬
‪#‎ToysRUs‬
‪#‎WalMart‬
‪#‎Target‬
‪#‎BestBuy‬
‪#‎WiiU‬
‪#‎Wii‬
‪#‎3DS‬
‪#‎DS‬
‪#‎DSi‬
‪#‎AmyRose‬
‪#‎Tails‬
‪#‎Knuckles‬
‪#‎Robotnik‬
‪#‎Eggman‬}}

===Pickle Joke===
[[File:Black man in pickle suit (1).jpg|thumb|right|The [[Man in the Pickle Suit]]'s reaction.]]
In Chris's new "FIX SONIC'S ARMS BACK" Facebook group, Chris posted about the pickle joke in the show, surprisingly being "neutral"
about it. Naturally, however, he eventually suspects it to be a [[Chris and his Ego|personal insult from SEGA]].
{{quotebox|10 December 2014

I know well I said not to talk about the show much, or post any spoilers. This time, though, I am willing to make this exception.

I have heard that in the show, Sonic ordered a sandwich with no pickles, but is served the sandwich with extra pickles. I feel neutral/indifferent about the joke. But my friend read a bit into it as a possible reference to myself, as well as a possible middle finger gesture to me from SEGA. Being Serious and Sincere, no sarcasm or jokes: what do y'all think/feel from this lame pickled vegetable joke? Answer in the comments of this post.}}

===For Christ's and God's Sake===
Chris shared another of SEGA's Facebook posts, this time about introducing the main character, and Chris as usual complained about his blue arms.
{{quotebox|12 December 2014

For [[Chris and religion|Christ's and God's]] Sake, PLEASe CHANGE HIS ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!

[[File:SonicIntroduction.png|220px]]}}

===E-mail to SEGA===
On 11 [[December 2014]], CWCki user [[User:FromtheWordsofBR|FromtheWordsofBR]] jokingly sent an e-mail to Sega Customer Service under Chris's email, suggesting that they send him free copies of ''Sonic Boom'' for the [[HEXbox]]. Chris discovered this the next day, and proceeded to rage.<ref>http://kiwifarms.net/threads/2014-dec-12-chriss-e-mail-to-sega.6462/</ref>

{{quoteboxgreen|'''Ticket #137668: SONIC'S ARMS ARE. NOT BLUE!!!:'''
Hello,

Thank you for contacting Sega of America Customer Service. Your request (#137668) has been received, and is being reviewed by our support staff. Response times may vary, but typically you will hear back from us within the same business day. Our agents are on hand from 9AM to 5PM Pacific Standard Time, Monday through Friday (with the exception of US national holidays). Requests received over the weekend will be answered the following Monday.

To review the status of this request and add additional comments, follow the link below:

http://help.sega.com/requests/137668

You may also reply via email.}}
{{quotebox|
'''Chrischansonichu, Nov 20 00:07:'''
Listen, I DID NOT contact you initially with the message there. That was a HeXBox -Loving INTERNET TROLL PRETENDING TO BE ME.

But since I have your attention now, I will bring it up directly with you now. MONTHS NOW, Sonic's Arms Being Blue has SERIOUSLY BEEN BOTHERING ME! They have caused me sensory overload Every Time I see them! They Have To Be Changed Back Now!!! I have contacted SEGA via their Facebook page, as well as the Sonic the Hedgehog Facebook page. Please see attached screen cap photos.

PLEASE RECALL EVERYTHING SONIC BOOM RIGHT NOW AND CHANGE HIS ARM COLOUR BACK!!! Or I will Do Worse!!!

I am still Very Pissed Off that no one has Fixed the Monstrosity that is Changing Sonic's Arm Color! I am Boycotting the Sonic Boom Games and TV Show and the Toys, minus the two I bought to illustrate my point, and everything else of it.

FIX SONIC'S ARM COLOR NOW, or I CONTINUE TO RANT, RAVE, BOYCOTT AND COMPLAIN!!!!

SERIOUSLY!!! IF I FIND EITHER SONIC BOOM GAME ON ANY SHELVES IN THE STORES, WITH SONIC'S ARMS STILL BLUE, I WILL BE GOING SOO FUCKING CRAZY TO PREVENT EVERYONE FROM SEEING THE BLUE ARM MONSTROSITY!!!

DO YOU HEAR ME, SEGA?! I WOULD TOTALLY BOYCOTT A N CHANNEL AND ENCOURAGE EVERYONE ELSE TO DO THAT AS WELL!!!

WISE UP NOW AND RECALL EVERYTHING SONIC BOOM NOW, and maybe I would close the group and the petition and give y'all my money as well.

AND THIS IS MORE THAN JUST SOFTWARE UPDATES!!! YOU RECALL ALL OF THE WIIU AND 3DS GAMES, AND CHANGE THE ARM COLOURS IN THE GAME INSERTS, AND CHANGE THE ARM COLOURS IN THE INITIAL SOFTWARE DISCS AND CARTRIDGES, PRE-UPDATE!!!

AND PULL THE CARTOON AND CHANGE THE ARM COLOURS IN EVERY SINGLE EPISODE OF THE N SHOW!

AND RECALL ALL OF THE SONIC PLUSHES AND FIGURES FROM THE STORES, AND CHANGE HIS ARM COLOUR ON EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM AS WELL!!!

DO IT ALL NOW, OR THERE WILL BE SERIOUS SENSORY DAMAGE AND THEN SOME HELL TO PAY!!! }}

===The Forces of [[CWCville]] Besiege GameStop===
{{Main|26 December 2014}}

On 26 December, the climax of the entire saga arrived. Chris broke several laws by entering a [[GameStop]] from which he had been banned, vandalizing a Sonic Boom display, and ''macing an employee'' who was calling security as Chris left the store. All of this was recorded by a presumably bewildered bystander, and was uploaded to Tumblr the next day. Within two days of his attack, Chris was arrested by [[jerkops]] and incarcerated in Albemarle Regional Jail, then released on a $2,500 bail, with a hearing scheduled for early [[2015]].

===Sonic Boom for Christmas===
Phone chat log:
{{quotebox|26 December 2014

[MALE VOICE]: It's the uhh-the uhh- Sonic Boom game. [hand game to Chris]

CHRIS: Ok, I'll take it as a gift, thank you.

[MALE VOICE]: No problem man. I hope you enjoy it.

CHRIS: I'm hoping that they come out with an update where they change his arm color back.

[MALE VOICE]: Why-Why would they change his arm color?

CHRIS: Well, didn't you notice on the cover they did, it's. . . . . . .well, you look on his left arm. . . . .it's blue there.

[MALE VOICE]: Ohh. So he has blue arms?

CHRIS: Yeah. I really hate that change.

[MALE VOICE]: Ohh. What for?

CHRIS: Ehh. Just. . . . .too much. Just too drastic. It's like Michael Jackson changing his skin color.

[MALE VOICE]: Have, have you asked them, sent them any feedback, asked them to change it. . .

CHRIS: Yeah, yeah I did, when I first saw the TV trailer, the TV show trailer right before E3. They just pretty much swept me under the rug and blocked me from their facebook.

[MALE VOICE]: Why would they do that?

CHRIS: Well, they did. And also, I've been repetitive, like, "Sonic's arms are not freakin' blue". And. . . .yeah, I have threatened them like, you know, if you don't change his arms back. . . . .

[MALE VOICE]: What did you say? What did you threaten them with?

CHRIS: Life threats. Like you know, I took a- I had bought a plush of the new sonic with the blue arms, and I covered his new arms with flesh colored Crayola Model Magic, and I like took a couple of photographs of me holdin' it, and I'm like pulling his arms off, and I said, you better do it, or I will, parentheses, not, tear his arms off.

[MALE VOICE]: So you made life threats against Sega then?

CHRIS: Well, ehh, not in the direct sense.

[MALE VOICE]: You mean that you threatened to kill them?

CHRIS: No.

[MALE VOICE]: No? Well, I mean, you said life threats, so. . . . . . . .it sounds like you're really passionate about it.

CHRIS: Yes I am.

[MALE VOICE]: Well, I mean, Sonic, his arms were uhh, flesh colored before that, right?

CHRIS: Yeah.

[MALE VOICE]: So, I mean, can't you just ignore the blue armed Sonic?

CHRIS: I can- I can- it's just too much. Every time I look at the blue arms, even in anything related to the games which they show on cartoon network, I see the blue arms, I go into sensory overload and get really, really,
more pissed off.

[MALE VOICE]: Yeah. Chris, when these cyberbullies first started attacking you, and stuff like that, you got pissed off then, right?

CHRIS: Yeah.

[MALE VOICE]: . . . and it ended up being a bad thing when you reacted, right?

CHRIS: Yeah, but except, I'm not reacting to a troll attack, I'm reacting to something which has been done. Like a, like a, presidential decision that has gone really wrong. Like, let's say Obama's. . . . .life-care thing?

[MALE VOICE]: Obamacare. The health-care thing. So you're anti-Obamacare then?

CHRIS: Well, uhh, I'm not one hundred percent, I have heard about uhh, hmmmm, uhh, I don't remember exactly-but-or how to phrase it, but I have the gist of it.
}}

===Chris (Still) Blames Everyone Else for His Problems (Wait, Did We Say Still? We Meant Always)===
{{quotebox|5 [[January 2015]]
I have been on the move, with the heavy listings and transport back to my original house, and still sorting, organizing and all. I also have been at a Lack of WiFi and Internet access since last Wednesday. The only internet I have at home here is on the 3G on my phone.

I have been very busy and very stressed. And should anyone give me a difficult time during my outings resulting in turning my day bad with the verbal attacks and threats to my person, I Will Defend Myself, and only retaliate when absolutely necessary. I Would even spray myself.

I Sincerely Wish people would positively Like me, yet I am unable to change their minds. And if I Have to defend myself to get any respect as an individual person, then it is THEIR Fault for frightening me into that defensive stance.

‪#‎SEGA‬ will definitely hear of the Earlier Incident as well.
}}

===Green Irises Are Better Than Blarms===
{{quotebox|6 January 2015

Anyhow, someone SHOULD definitely send word to SEGA of America and Japan of my recent misfortunes resulting from the seed event of Sonic's Arm Colour being changed. Had they Not changed the arm colour, No one would have attacked me they way He had, followed by the warning spray of the pepper from my own fears and paranoia in self-defense. And I would have no reason to Protest the way I have.
This series of incidents definitely tops what's-his-name's whatever-he-did when they gave Sonic Green Irises for his eyes. THE green irises were an improvement; the Blue Arms are just Painful and Horrific.
}}

===Sega Forced Chris to Attack===
{{quotebox|8 January 2015
[http://kiwifarms.net/threads/fb-1-8-chris-hates-sega-for-forcing-him-to-attack-somebody.6979/]

}}

===Boycott the Yarms===
{{quotebox|10 January 2015
[http://kiwifarms.net/threads/fb-1-10-15-sonichus-arms-are-not-yellow.7009/]

}}

===The Seed Event===
{{quotebox|10 January 2015
Ugh!!! I Fucking Hate These People for continuing to allow the damn blue arms to exist! And I fucking hate them for changing the arm colour in the first place and ultimately from that damn seed event, force me to be attacked, having to defend myself, and forcing me to spend a weekend in jail!

}}

===Chris Rages On===
{{quotebox|12 January 2015

Off my rocker?! How Dare She? My Protest was Sound, Valid and Meant to be Good. And she completely ignores that on the day I had to defend myself from that Ass Manager, HE VERBALLY ATTACKED AND OFFENDED ME. And I had no idea of what other pains and stresses He was capable of doing, and I did not want him following me either. You All Do Not Understand my Fragile Mind, nor do Any of You All have Any Caring Nor Understanding to Leave a mentally scarred, damaged and flawed individual like me Be and At Personal Peace of Mind. BUT HELL NO! YOU ALL KEEP ON STRESSING ME MORE AND CAUSING PLEASANT DAYS GONE BAD ON ME. Especially MOST OF EVERY LAST MALE IN THIS WORLD; All of you are nothing but immature, borish, uncouth, and damned Neanderthals. It is no wonder why a lot of Women detest the lot of you, and why I am Most Disgusted and Ashamed to have been forced to be born a damned member of your Male Gender. Hmpf!
}}

===Chris Gives Up and Continues On at the Same Time===
{{quotebox|13 January 2015

This is in response to the post below this one about the so-called list of my purchased Nintendo software. Direct to the point: I have sincerely NEVER purchased either Sonic Boom game. The 3DS game, however, was actually Hand Given to me as a Gift from my ex-girlfriend, Catherine's Cousin, Al, after out bowling outing in Early December, 2014; Last Month.
I have registered the 3DS card through my [[Club Nintendo]] account, and explicitly told them in the survey that game Was Gifted to me; I Had Not Purchased it, period. And I Had shortly after received a copy of the Wii U Game In the Mail. I had disposed of the envelope, because there was no return address. I Would have registered that as well, but there as NO Club Nintendo code enclosed. I have Never booted or played either game, and I certainly never have inserted either card or disc into any of my handhelds or consoles at all ever. And to spare having it quoted in the comments below this point, or in any future comments and posts in this group or on my page: Being Gifted the thing you are protesting against against your initial will, regardless of acceptance out of being polite or whatever, it does NOT Change my position or aynthing integral of the Protest that I Have personally started and still am working towards the cause, period.

SEGA!!! CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! YOUR BLUE ARMS HAVE HURT NOT ONLY ME IN A NUMBER OF GREAT WAYS, BUT COUNTLESS OTHER PEOPLE (GREATER THAN A THOUSAND INDIVIDUALS) AS WELL!!! YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR LACK OF RECALL AND CORRECTIONS!!!}}

Here, Chris is referencing this[http://kiwifarms.net/threads/2015-01-13-nintendo-employee-reveals-details-of-chriss-nintendo-transactions.7042/] Cwcki Forums article; apparently he lurks the forums frequently.

===Something Important===
{{quotebox|15 January 2015
I have something important to share of importance. After the incident on the 26th, on the court date on the 29th, the judge had documented that neither I, nor Any local GameStop stores or employees, come near or contact each other. I Have not contacted or visited any of them, but the day after on the 30th, One of them called My Cell Phone, TWICE, on the 30th, the day after that court date. I have Not listened to either of their messages; I had marked both of them "As Read". They both were just automatically removed from my voicemail list. But I screen capped the details from my phone a few days ago. I've had the numbers of the four GameStops, for any inquiries I had to make in the past.

Anyhow, They have violated the Court Rules there.

}}

===Kengle the Troll===
{{quotebox|19 January 2015
[http://kiwifarms.net/threads/2015-jan-19-kengle-trolls-chris-with-blue-arms-purchase.7218/]
}}

===You Dropped a Glitterbomb on Me, Baby===
[[File:GlitterbombNotice.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's hatred for something so minor becomes greatly unhealthy.]]
On 30 January 2015, a document was leaked onto the [[CWCki Forums]], revealing that Chris has taken one step above macing employees and is ''threatening to glitterbomb'' Sega's American headquarters. Initially thought to be work done by weens, forum member Marvin eventually stood up and confirmed this actually as Chris's doing. The letter reads:

{{quotebox|SEGA of America Inc. 350 Rhode Island St, Suite 400 San Francisco, CA 94103
'''For Every Week Sonic the Hedgehog's arms remain blue in the "Sonic Boom" Video Games AND TV Cartoon Show, and that you all at SEGA continue to NOT Public Announce your apology for the change as well as RECALLING Everything of this Sonic Boom to change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately on Television, Newsprint and Internet Posts and Videos, you all will receive a sparkling mess. And to stop this glittery combination from coming in, you WILL Change Sonic the Hedgehogs Arm Colour back immediately in EVERYTHING Sonic Boom, including PULLING the cartoon from Cartoon Network to change the arm colour back in EVERY SINGLE EPISODE of the show.'''

'''Thank you.'''}}

The document reveals that Chris refuses to stop committing acts of battery unless a multimedia company gives in to a 30-year-old manchild's threats. It also shows his complete lack of knowing what glitterbombing actually ''is''. To glitterbomb someone is to dump or throw glitter on your opponent in public (such as [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7uZ4q-7y2M when some guy with a box of Cheez-Its came up to Newt Gingrich and dumped glitter on him]), ''not'' sending envelopes with glitter inside. To send envelopes with glitter inside is simply known as "[http://shipyourenemiesglitter.com/ shipping enemies glitter]".

===Weighing In on the Protests===
{{quotebox|2 Febuary 2015
Hey [REDACTED],
I saw that video and absolutely agree 100% that Chris was unjustified in his actions. I would have supported the employee whipping his ass to be honest. I think Chris needs to go to jail, he has never been held accountable for his actions. Destruction of property, assault, etc are serious stuff. He needs counseling and professional services that I think without incarceration he will never receive.
I'm glad that the Cwiki is no longer what it was in its incarnation, he was using it as an excuse for his behavior, and now can't use it as a fallback on to his issues.
I really have little defense for Christian for what hes been doing, but I hope he can come out a better person.
}}

===Chris's Ego Butts In!===
After hearing about Sega downsizing to focus on PC and Mobile games, Chris [[Chris and reality|thought]] that [[Chris and his Ego|he had a hand in it through his boycott]]:
{{quotebox|2 February 2015
Regardless of SEGA downsizing, Which I feel our boycotting has brought into play, we Have made SEGA take notice of their Mistake in changing Sonic's Arm Color among this term of events. And THEY still CAN create and distribute Downloadable Update Data for BOTH Sonic Boom Games to change his Arm Color Back at the very least.}}

===Sonic Boom: Fire & Ice===
9 [[June 2015]]

After the sequel to the first ''Sonic Boom'' game was announced, Chris immediately showed his disapproval on Facebook. He even threatened [[Best Buy]] to not sell the game unless they change Sonic's arm color back, and still firmly believes that Sega was the one who got him thrown briefly into prison.

{{quotebox|Hell no!!! Still with the blue arms?!!! Ugh! SEGA, Does my Protest and Jail Time And Court Trouble Result NOT Resonate with you at all? Don't Y'all EVER FREAKING LISTEN AND LEARN?!!!!}}

===Assault threat against Woodley and Frost===

'''Omar Woodley''' (or, as Chris misspells it, '''Olmar Woodley''') is a [[male]] producer at Sega of America Inc. and the producer of ''[[Sonic Boom]]: Fire & Ice''. Given Chris's hatred for ''Sonic Boom'', it's no surprise that he considers Omar to be a [[JERK]]. On 9 [[June 2015]], [[Chris]] [[Death threats|threatened]] Woodley with [[Don't Mess With Me|physical violence]] through a post on Facebook, later editing the post to extend his threat to producer Stephen Frost as well<ref>https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=870347576393056&id=100002534669114</ref>.

[[File:Omar woodley threat.jpeg|300px|thumb|right|His post before he edited in Stephen Froat.]]

{{quotebox|Bring to me, in person, the ones called Omar Woodley and Stephen Frost, So I can tell to their faces of my Plights and Troubles I Went and Had to Go Through, Because of the Sensory Overloading Horrific Arm Colour Change that should NEVER HAVE HAPPENED. And then, let me Kick and Beat Them Up upon further refusal to change the arm Colour back to tan in Everything Sonic Boom!

Damn and F*** Olmar Woodley and Stephen Frost!!!}}

He linked to [http://www.seganerds.com/2015/06/09/sega-producer-discusses-future-of-sonic-boom-franchise/ a news article].

On the same day, Chris proceeded to post this:

{{quotebox|[[File:SonicNoArms (pic only).jpg|thumb|right|This waste of [[money]] resulted in Chris's [[white knights]] refusing to help him.]]
I protested peacefully and bold; I get banned from the local Four GameStops, and rebanned from Fashion SquareI ended up in jail for a weekend, along with court troubles; someone got a mild amount of pepper spray.

Time healed me some and I was recovering and doing better. Now, ANOTHER BLUE ARMED GAME IS BEING MADE?!!!

‪#‎SEGA‬ has ruined a peaceful, pleasant life for me again. It is Payback Time!

‪#‎SonicBoom‬
‪#‎FixSonicsArmsImmediatelySEGA‬}}

===Give Me 10 Good Reasons, I Need to Know===
{{quotebox|12 June 2015
If SEGA can give me Ten valid Reasons (with at lease One Good Reason) to justify the arm colour change (no less), NOT counting to "Modernize" Sonic or to make Sonic "appealing to the younger generations", I may reconsider.}}

===The End?===
{{quotebox|2 October 2015
This is the Final Update for this Protest Group.

Regardless of circumstances and bad outcomes/tidings, it is confirmed that Sonic's arms Will be back to their original colour in the next Sonic Game: Sonic & Mario at the Rio 2016 Olympic Games.

After this visual confirmation, I have found solace and satisfaction for the ending result.

I wish to thank every person who Actually helped in the protest against the blue arms in the Sonic Boom games, cartoon and all of that.

We have found success in our protest. It is good.}}

==See also==
*[[My Little Pony Protests]]
*[[ProjectSNT]]
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog (film)]], which features the titular character with blue arms.

==References==
<references/>

{{Social media}}

[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]
[[Category:Television shows]]
[[Category:Campaigns]]

Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David

2020-08-12T09:38:35Z

HarryHowler:

'''Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David''' is a video uploaded by [[Chris]] on 23 [[August 2011]], and part of the [[Calling Out]] series. Chris, still high on victory, turns his attention to [[BlueSpike]], believing him to be the cause of [[weens]] [[prank call]]ing his house solely to yell "[[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAAAAAAAAAAY!]]" and call him [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] (even though the latter meme was created by [[Liquid Chris]] rather than BlueSpike). His reasoning for going after BlueSpike also seemed to be more towards his condition of [[Asperger's]] and the fact that he has no job, likes 'big rooms' - whatever that means - and is a gamer, despite the fact that BlueSpike would only be about 15–16 by the time of the video and be in full-time education, unable to get a proper job, unlike a certain 30-year-old we know. He "outs him" as fellow lolcow David Harlow, a.k.a. nesshelper, which is false for a multitude of reasons.

It, too, was removed from YouTube shortly after being posted due to "hate speech".

{{Infobox/video
| name = Calling Out "Julaaaay" - David
| video = {{#ev:youtube|fuwe_jHBuVc}}
| stardate = 23 [[August 2011]]
| subject = {{Website|[[Internet]]}}, {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Smug|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Calling Out Saga|text}}, {{Julie|text}}
| shirt = Mix 107.3 Shirt
| previous = [[Re-Calling Ahuvia]]
| next = [[Gratitude for a good person in N.C.]]
}}

== Transcript ==
[[File:Toht.jpg|thumb|Chris looked at the Ark.]]

[''Chris puts his hand to his mouth and clears his throat''] JUUULAYYYYYY! JUUUULAAYY! IT'S IAN BRANDON ANDERSON! [''waves his hands while doing the [[Claw of Fail]]''] JUUULLLAY! Hello, Ian! Why is your last name Brandon Anderson? JUUUUULLAYYY! [''blows raspberry while flipping the bird''] And that's who we are calling out next. The, uh, person who posed-pretended to be an adult woman but yet was a little, uh, little brat. Al...he was also known as his alias Max, and BlueSpike, but his real name is...[''hits pad of paper offscreen''] David! And he lives in...[''hits pad again''] California!

Don't know that much about his age, but he's at least 13 years old. And guess what...he is confirmed to have... [''dramatic lean forward''] Asperger's! And I don't care much for Aspergians, and I do not care to be associated with, erm, an-... and I do not accept the [''makes quote-marks hand gesture''] scientific fact that [[autism]] is linked to assburgers at any time. I would quote myself as to what I said in the esstra part of [[Autism Tutorial Extra|my ''LittleBigPlanet 2'' animation]], but I don't remember the words at this point.

''[picks up camera and turns around, with it facing the back of the room]''

Except that it definitely sounds like a bad cut of cow meat. And of course he was responsible for dat Julie fiasco and making me drive all the way to Cleveland, Ohioooo! And cutting up, one of the, cutting up the second medal, and ''[murmurs, sounding a bit like Popeye] [[Julie Reveals Herself|shoving it up my ass.]]'' And... he likes ''[dramatic gesture]'' big rooms! [[Chris and hypocrisy|And he has no job]]! And he is also a gamer. Here is a close up, featured from his photograph!

''[Chris turns the camera around to face the TV]''

''[high pitched]'' Look at his buck [[Fangs|teeth]]! ''normal again'' Or at least the gap between his teeth. That's a biiiig gap! Look at how big that gap is! Huh? Gap! Teeth! Buck teeth? Perhaps. But definitely a gap.

''[Chris turns the camera back towards himself while spinning around]''

And, Mr. David, you have until [[September 2011|September]] fifteenth to come up with the apology video, and leave me and my family and my friends at peace, oh, and also in your apology video tell everyone to stop making phonecalls to me that say ''[the [[Claw of Fail]]]'' JUUULLAAAAY! JUUULLLAAAYYY! And get rid... make sure that no-one ever calls me Ian Brandon Anderson ever again, because, ''[fast]'' [[wikipedia:That's Not My Name|thatisnotmyname]]! ''[long pause]'' You have until September fifteenth. JUUUULLLLAAAY- ''[cuts out]''

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Re-Calling Ahuvia]]|nextlink=[[Gratitude for a good person in N.C.]]}}
{{Calling Out}}

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2011| 2011-08-23 b]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown

2020-08-06T12:45:58Z

HarryHowler: /* Aftermath */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|I [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curse]] those seven people (between the cast of the three illegal videos) to [[death threats|DIE and BURN]]!

As for [[Adam Stackhouse|Adam]], if he is reading this and is asking, "You've got something to say to me?" I do, P.S. F*** You, you [[Dreams|Dream]] Smashing Son of a B****!|[[PSN blogs]]}}

[[File:PaRappaContestInfo.jpg|thumb|Original promo info about the contest]]

In [[2007|June 2007]], [[Sony]] Computer Entertainment [[United States of America|America]] (SCEA) announced the '''Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown''' contest to promote the video game ''[[PaRappa the Rapper]]''. Contestants were to film themselves performing either Chop Chop Master Onion's rap, Instructor Mooselini's rap or Cheap Cheap the Cooking Chicken's rap a capella. The grand prize winner of the contest would receive two [[PSP of Fail|PSPs]] and an all-expenses-paid trip to Seattle for the 2007 Penny Arcade Expo.

The contest was of monumental importance, as it would achieve goals for [[Christian Weston Chandler]] on multiple fronts. Beyond his innate desire to win contests by making an ass of himself on film, Chris hoped to bestow one of the PSPs to his beloved [[Megan Schroeder]] and invite her to accompany him on the trip, thereby creating an opportunity for her to [[China|give in]] to her obvious passion for him. The potential benefits could not be overstated. Failure to win the contest was not an option.

==The Original Version==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|nJ3o3kQZWm8}}</center>

==Chris's Version: "Master Onion A-La Mode"==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown
| video = {{#ev:youtube|cEmM4JKZK8I}}
| stardate = 29 [[June 2007]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Video games|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}}
| saga = {{Megan|text}} {{Stackhouse|text}}
| shirt = {{OrangeShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Soul Calibur#Chris vs Mary Lee Walsh|SOUL CALIBUR: Chris vs Mary Lee Walsh]]
| next = [[CWC is Angry]]
}}

To ensure nothing less than total victory, Chris elected to perform the "Chop Chop Master Onion Rap". Despite claiming this was the only song he knew from the game, Chris clearly didn't know it all that well, considering that he reads its lyrics while "performing," not having bothered to rehearse/learn the lines. But then again, have any of his videos looked even remotely prepared? Oddly, he peppers the video with various video effects that seem to come from the [[PSEye]] program EyeCreate, including a hilarious caption of "Birthday Boy" popping up during when Chris first does the "[[duck]] and turn" part of the song. It could be assumed that Chris did so to make his video look 'nice', but in the end it made it turn into laughing material. Towards the end of the video, Chris can be seen [[Chris and health|struggling to breathe]] from close to three minutes of extremely mild exercise. Also, at one point, a fire effect is shown at the bottom of the screen. [[Destruction Of Chris's House|Make of that what you will]].

{{quote|This previously submitted PaRapper [''sic''] the Rapper "Master Onion A-La Mode" Video is among the TOP TEN to win the GRAND PRIZE. And I would TRULY APPRECIATE your generous Vote, so please click the highlighted link to the Playstation Website's Voting page. **I am Video NUMBER 7 (scroll down; the one with the Blue Guitar)** You have the power to make my AUTISTIC life SO MUCH BETTER. Thank You. :) (more)}}

=== Transcript ===

<poem>Hey, P-Station, my name is Christian Chandler
I live in [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville, Virginia]]!
I have a PSP, I like to rap,
I play PaRappa, and go with him now.
The only song I know is "Master Onion"
Which I got from a demo I borrowed from my friend Megan!

I have a PSP and she don't,
So give me the PSP; unwrap the wrapper,
So I can give one to her, and then we can play together!

So here we go, we're gonna sing it now.
Master Onion, A-La Mode!

[[CWC Fighter|Kick! Punch!]] It's all in the m-mind.
If you wanna test me, I'm sure you will find
That you all things, I'll teach ya sure to beat ya,
Nevertheless, you'll get a lesson from teacher now

Kick (Kick)
Punch (Punch)
Chop (Chop)
Block (Block)

Once more now. Kick (Kick)
Punch (Punch)
Chop (Chop)
And Block (Block)

Don't get cocky, it's doesn't get [[Rocky Shoemaker|rocky]],
We gonna move down to the next ya jockey now

Duck ([[Duck]])
Jump (Jump)
Turn (Turn)
And Pose (Pose)

Listen carefully. Jump (Jump)
Pose (Pose)
Duck (Duck)
and Turn (Turn)

Hmm, yeah, I see you're getting better,
Kick to the limit in order to get her now

Kick Punch (Kick Punch)
Chop Block (Chop Block)
Chop Kick (Chop Kick)
Punch Block (Punch Block)

It's gonna get harder now Duck & Jump (Duck & Jump)
Turn & Pose (Turn & Pose)
Duck & Turn (Duck & Turn)
Jump & Pose (Jump Pose)

Come on now, why don't you follow my words,
Because we're almost done, I'll make things worse.
I wanna see if you wanna see what it means
To be the man with the master plan. Are you the man now?

Here we go now. Kick Punch Block (Kick Punch Block)
Chop Kick Block (Chop Kick Block)
Block Turn & Kick it (Block Turn & Kick it)
Block Duck Punch (Block Duck Punch)
Duck Duck Turn (Duck Duck Turn)
Jump Kick Chop (Jump Kick Chop)
and Punch Punch Punch (Punch Punch Punch)

That's it for today.
Good job, PaRappa!
You can go to the next stage now.
Yahoo! Alright!

PaRappa, I'm so proud of you!
Congratulations!
Alright. Thank ya, teacha!
Again: what?

Man, you’re so good!
I got a [[Muscle bra|tit]]-loose memory, money
With students like you…
Wanna try a super-beginner’s course?

You’re pick—you’re pickin’ on me too fast!
I'm outta here!

[[Guitar Hero]] on [[PlayStation 3]]
Don't press the PS button after select hang, see?
Make sure you hook up with the converter controller
Dude, rock on, yo! Nananananaaaa!

Rap, rap, rap! That's a wrap!</poem>

==Campaign==
[[File:Stink Lines by Archwig.jpg|thumb|Artist's interpretation]]

Chris's video made it into the top 10, giving him just a small amount of luck as the contest was rather obscure (at the time) and a little more than 10 people entered. The winner was to be selected from a vote by PlayStation Underground members in [[July 2007]]. Chris asked for votes from many people:

* At [[The GAMe PLACe]], Chris handed out fliers telling people to vote for him. To ensure success, he read everything off the flier to each person before giving it over. Obviously, no one voted.<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Chris's history and personality]]</ref>
* Chris badgered his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] to vote. In return, Cole asked Chris to find out from their [[Barbara Chandler|mother]] about the real identity of Cole's biological father.<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-21.PNG|21 July 2007 email]]</ref> Cole ended up never voting because either Chris did not care about Cole's plight, or he simply was just that lazy.
* Chris also asked Susan Hannifan,<ref>[[Chris emails 2007#July]]</ref> a [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] guidance counselor to whom Chris showed a disrespectful attitude in the past.<ref>[[Chris emails 2004-2006#February 2004]]</ref>
* Chris wrote ads on [[CWC's Sonichu Site!]], [[CWC's Pokésite 2]], [[MySpace]], [[PSN blogs|PSN]], his [[Hot Wheels]] site, and his Bionicle site.<ref>[[Megan emails, Jan-July 2007#Chris wishes her a happy birthday, Megan still in Kentucky, Chris whores himself for votes]]</ref>

Chris also took matters into his own hands by stuffing the ballot with an endless stream of votes on different fake accounts. On the day before voting ended, he posted his own reviews of the top 10 videos in his [[PSN blogs#31 July 2007 12:59 — Last Day to VOTE, Rappers!|PSN blog]].{{clear}}

{{quote|Such honesty of his situation and devotion for his lucky girlfriend adds great emotions to his performance. The visually appealing effects added the best humor and biggest laugh I had among the bunch. I enjoyed the fun background of his assumed-to-be bedroom. And his informative feedback on playing [[Guitar Hero]] on Playstation 3 was truly a wise and great addition. Also, he has nailed the lyrics A-Capella. :) As this brave [[autistic|AUTISTIC]] warrior so creatively put it at the end, "Rap, Rap, Rap, That's a Wrap!" Truly the cherry on the top of the sundae. A perfect score of 5/5 Stars for his marvelous effort, and smiling at knowing he looked a bit stupid. :)|Chris, describing his video in third person}}

==Results==

{{quote|Changing the lyrics will result in disqualification.|Official contest rules}}

[[Image:Cchanmegan.jpg|thumb|Chris thought that he could easily win the contest and the heart of his Sweetest [[Megan]]. Chris was, unsurprisingly, wrong.]]

The competition was won by [[Adam Stackhouse]]. Being the narcissist manchild he is, Chris has bore a grudge against him for a long time, as he felt Adam broke "da rules"<ref>[[PSN blogs#31 July 2007 12:59 — Last Day to VOTE, Rappers!|PSN blog, 31 July 2007]]</ref> by having music and multiple people in his entry. Chris loathed the 2nd and 3rd place winners for having music as well. In actuality, the beatboxing in Adam's video is technically [[Wikipedia:A cappella|a cappella]]. Furthermore, another top 10 finalist claimed that he had removed his own music to avoid breaking the rules, but [[Sony]] said it was fine.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWwfRqMZ6QE Momo :: Chop Chop Master Onion Showdown (w/music)] video on [[YouTube]]</ref>

Chris, of course, violated the rules to a far worse extent than Adam - inserting his own lyrics, to say nothing of rampant vote-stuffing. How Chris even made the top 10 is a mystery; the judges likely observed the obvious fact that something is [[Slow-in-the-Minds|wrong]] with Chris and took pity on him.

Relentless vote stuffing did earn Chris a reward, however. The rules state that finalists would "...get their Submissions published on PlayStation.com, and will receive a copy of the game PaRappa the Rapper for the PSP® (PlayStation®Portable) system and some PaRappa branded premium items such as a PSP skin, PSP charm, and a PaRappa signature beanie (ARV $60)." Or, as Chris explains in [[PS3 History level]], "copy of the PSP version of the PSOne classic, a charm, HIS hat, and 5 PSP-1000 Skins." (It is unknown why "HIS" is all capitalized. PaRappa is neither divine in nature, nor exactly a paragon of masculinity.)
{{-}}

==Aftermath==

Infuriated over his loss, Chris sent an angry email to Sony executives on 3 [[August 2007]], blasting them for refusing to award him the Seattle trip.

The email is a whiny and rambling tirade where Chris begs for first prize, because winning the video game contest represented his only opportunity at losing his [[virgin with rage]] status to [[Megan Schroeder]] and giving birth to his daughter [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]]. Furthermore, Chris accuses the company of discriminating against autistic individuals, solely for failing to reward them with [[Chris and his Ego|special treatment]]:<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2007#August]]</ref>

{{quote|I REALLY WANTED THAT TRIP SO I COULD HAVE A CHANCE TO IMPRESS MY SWEETEST MEGAN AND POSSIBLY FULFILL MY DREAM OF GETTING MARRIED AND SOON HAVE A DAUGHTER NAMED [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|CRYSTAL]]. YET NOW I, A FRUSTRATED HIGH-FUNCTIONALLY AUTISTIC 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN, HAVE BEEN BALLZ-BROKEN LIKE I HAVE THROUGH A BIG CHUNK OF MY LIFE IN AMERICA'S FAVORITE GAME, "[[Kick the Autistic|KICK THE AUTISTIC]]!" *[[stress sigh|sigh]]*

[[Chris and reality|I had my fantasies]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|having fun with Megan]], taking her to a really extravagent [''sic''] destination (I am not rich), taking a long-wanted tour of the [[Nintendo]] of America company tour, with her, playing [[Guitar Hero]] against the guy in the PaRappa costume, jamming with Megan in the hotel room and possibly our [[Chris and sex|first time in the bed]]... *sigh*

[[CWC is Sad|Life can be soooooooooo unfair and f***ing corrupt.]]

But I digress; TAKE THE A-CAPELLA RULE TO THE MAX on those THREE out of ten videos.

Take care; Christian Weston Chandler. (:_( |}}

On 4 August, Chris raged multiple times on his [[PSN blogs#4 August 2007 — Adam Stackhouse!!!|PSN blog]] against Adam and the other winners, using his time-honored "Kick the Autistic" crutch. When people told him to relax, he told them to shut up: this resulted in a temporary ban from PSN moderators.

The same day, Chris sent another angry e-mail to Sony executives, this time enclosing a systematic dissection of why everyone else's video was in violation of contest rules. Chris evidently [[Chris and hypocrisy|overlooked]] his own questionable ethics of mercilessly vote-stuffing with sockpuppet accounts and begging everyone on his e-mail contact list to vote for him. Sony later replied with a canned response, indicating that his letter was not even read at all and that Chris would need to resort to more drastic measures.

Two days later, Chris would continue his rampage against Adam Stackhouse by creating a fake [http://web.archive.org/web/20071108233910/http://members.aol.com/CWCSonichu/EPPromotions283.html webpage] designed to show himself as the true winner of the contest. That page substituted his own name for Stackhouse's and also included the following disclaimer:

{{quote|<nowiki>*</nowiki>The EX-Winner, Adam Stackhouse, was DISQUALIFIED on the grounds of violating the Official Rules on TWO COUNTS: 
-He Had Licensed BeatBox Music playing from a licensed BoomBox. 
-He Had his SISTER ILLEGALLY in the video without authorized consent. 
 
We of the Playstation Underground apologize for the confusion and inconvience of not having dealt with this INJUSTICE sooner. Please disregard any web pages that may state the contrary; they shall be taken down by our webmaster momentary}}

He then went around various PSN News posts and left comments with the following:<ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2007/08/warhawk-goes-gold/comment-page-9/</ref><ref>http://blog.us.playstation.com/2007/08/comment-monitoring/comment-page-4/</ref>

{{quote|I wanted to mention a small concern… there is a link to the True Real Winner of the Chop Chop Master Onion Contest at
<nowiki>http://groups.myspace.com/CWCandFriendsCustoms</nowiki>.
Yet, when I click the link on us.playstation.com, I get a different “Winner”.
I Do Not Know Who To Believe! Do I believe the Official-Rule-Violating adamstackhouse, or do I believe the [[List of Chris's Lies|Honest]], Autistic CWCSonichu?}}

Chris later escalated his campaign by producing a video titled [[CWC is Angry]]. In the video, Chris prints out a picture of Stackhouse and his sister and uses it as a pellet gun target for two continuous minutes. Although the video was originally intended to be a vindictive show of intimidation, the mood was spoiled by an episode of ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]'' blaring loudly in the background, not to mention Chris' weapon of choice was a [[Megatron pistol|toy]] [[Transformer]].

During Chris's struggle to be recognized as the rightful winner of the contest, Megan informed him that she was glad he lost because she had no interest in going on a trip alone with him, given his hands-on approach to their relationship. Whether or not she would have accompanied him, she was upset by his in-person interactions with her. The way Chris treated Adam and his sister after they won probably did not help matters either. Chris finally went on to claim that he had contracted a "[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|gut virus]]" due to the strain on his body from slapping together his half-assed contest entry. From that point onwards, Megan's [[Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007|e-mail correspondence with Chris]] became much less frequent and a little cooler in tone, indicating that while [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] may have been the final nail in the coffin for their friendship, the fall-out from this contest was the first nail in that coffin.

Two versions of the video exist. The one that Chris uploaded later to his YouTube channel has an additional photograph of Megan between the first and second verses. Either this version is the original version ''before'' Megan broke up with Chris, and Chris had to remove her picture to make amends, or the video with the picture was made ''much'' later, due to Chris's pangs of agony over long-lost love.

On 31 [[October 2007|October]], Chris made a fake Parappa profile on MySpace to ease his pain from losing the contest--Parappathe''[[Rape|raping]]''<nowiki></nowiki>dog. [[Chris and English|Good job]].<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20080705130230/http://www.myspace.com/sonichucwc</ref>

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC-Tok
| video = {{#ev:youtube|TLN-6lKDdhI}}
| maker = {{Liquid|text}}
| stardate = 9 [[January 2010]]
| type = Remix of "TiK ToK" by Ke$ha
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chop Chop Master Onion Rap
| video = {{#ev:youtube|YfW82twiD5E}}
| maker = SiIvaGunner
| stardate = 25 [[May 2016]]
| type = High quality video game rip
}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = MUSIC VIDEO - CWC PaRappa the Rapper Onion A-La Mode RE-ENACTMENT
| video = {{#ev:youtube|bw17ZHAMN98}}
| maker = CopperCab
| stardate = 19 [[October 2017]]
| type = Re-enactment of Chris's rap
}}

==References==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Adam Stackhouse]]
*[[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes]]
*[[CWC is Angry]]
*''[[PaRappa the Rapper]]''
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]

==Download==
*[https://gofile.io/d/AAEjJy Original file]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Soul Calibur|Chris-chan vs. Mary Lee Walsh]]|nextlink=[[CWC is Angry]]|}}
{{Music Videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Contests]]
[[Category:Yo! CWC Raps]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2007| 2007-06-29]]
[[Category:Megan Saga]]

Sonichu 4

2020-08-02T17:58:36Z

HarryHowler:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #4
| cover = issue4.jpg
| coverdate = 2 November 2005
| began = 24 March 2005
| finishedcomic = after 2 September 2005
| pagecount = 95
| episodes = ''none''
| sub-episodes = 1-8
| previous = [[Sonichu 3|Sonichu #3]]
| next = [[Sonichu 5|Sonichu #5]]
}}
'''''Sonichu'' #4''' is the fifth issue of the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' series.

A departure from the previous books in both form and content, ''Sonichu'' #4 is a sort of anthology that consists ''exclusively'' of [[Sub-Episodes]] about [[Chris]]'s [[Love Quest]] and other happenings of his life, which originally appeared at the end of each previous issue. Chris's [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]] is in full bloom here, as he reprints the first four sub-episodes (from ''Sonichu'' #0 to #3), and adds four more.

Although Chris would not complete [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] until February [[2006]], he had begun work on the new material in ''Sonichu'' #4. Sub-Episodes 5, 6 and 7 were completed during the summer of [[2005]], and Sub-Episode 8 was at least started by September 2005. Given that the events these stories are based upon happened in the summer of 2005, Chris probably had them forefront on his mind and was able to work more quickly on them than his wretched "Sonichu Babies" plot in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]].

Chris has stated that [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] told him to stop making sub-episodes as they loosely depicted unflattering events from Chris's life;<ref>[[Mailbag 3#In which Chris forgets why Barb objects to him immortalizing his failures in comics|Mailbag 3]]: "I stopped drawing those because I made a promise to my mother that I would, but I forget why she was offended by them."</ref> this issue's format may represent an effort to get them all out of the way immediately following her edict. Chris claims to have forgotten the exact reason his mother was offended by the comics, though one imagines it might have had something to do with the fact that her grown son was making comics depicting how he solicited girls for <s>sex</s> relationships at shopping centers, and caused a scene when asked to stop. Or the fact that in one sub-episode Chris is seen "killing" a character depicting [[Mary Lee Walsh|a real person]] (though she appears just fine later on) who he had recently been suspended from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] for making implied threats towards.

At this point, Chris appeared to cut the pretense and make the series purely about his [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Mary Sue stand-in]] instead of the [[Sonichu (character)|title character]]. Each episode in the book tells basically the same story: Chris loitering, being confronted by his enemies and then effortlessly defeating them. The book also introduces [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal Weston Chandler]], Chris's [[Tomgirl|<s>repressed gender dysphoria</s>]] hypothetical twin sister. Sonichu only appears once in the entire issue-Rosechu and a new character, [[Darkbind Sonichu|Darkbind]] also make an appearance in Sub Episode 2 and 4 respectively. Any other Electric-Hedgehog seen is through Chris's limitless powers, with an image of each character he stole powers from (Growth from Wild, Whirlwind from Angelica, etc.).

For almost every episode, there is an edited version, mainly poorly changing real-life names or changing his "curse ye ha me ha" attack by one word. Or he changes scenes entirely several years after publishing.

==Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =Jerkop-tastropie
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512055038888980.1073741830.100002534669114&type=3 ''Sub-Episode 1''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_1 ''Sub-Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P1.htm ''Sub-Episode 1''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 1}}

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], the episode opens with Chris moping around Mal-Wart, complaining about how he has no girlfriend because of all the [[JERKS|men]] taking pretty girls from him. The [[Jerkhief]] rightfully accuses Christian of solicitation and grows tired of Chris's whining for a girlfriend. This forces Chris to transform into [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] and defend himself with the dreaded [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] after having Jerkops attempt to cuff him.

In the edited version, the attack is known as Shin-ye-ha-me-ha.

Note: In this episode, Chris utters the phrase "Fuzzy Wuzzies get you hugs- Prickly Wicklies get you slugs" He then points out how the Jerkhief dealt him a slug, which should make Chris come to his senses and realize his awful "prickly wickly" behavior

But seeing how this is Chris, he forgets this and decides that a slug equals a mary-sue attack that ruins innocent lives.

When this episode first appeared in Sonichu 0, Chris had not yet received his powers, it wouldn't be until [[Sonichu_2#Episode_7:_Sonichu_in_.22Anchuent_Prophecy.22|Issue 2 Episode 7]] he would get power in the medallion.

{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"==
{{Resources
| title =The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512055038888980.1073741830.100002534669114&type=3 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_11 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P6.htm ''Sub-Episode 2''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 2}}

The episode opens with Chris further moping about and on a break from his quest to eat eight chicken McNuggets. Christian meets [[Hanna]], who asks him out for coffee. All we learn of the girl is that she enjoys reading "Chuck Paladuck" and plays guitar, also working at an unknown store. Chris spends most of the 'Date' talking about himself and showing off his Sonichu Scrapbook, ending the date by giving her a "double-take flirt" and calling his family. Meanwhile, Rosechu is off spreading the news of Chris having a date, since that appears to be breaking news that [[Bubbles Rosechu|every]] [[Wild Sonichu|citizen]] must know. While planning his next interaction with Hanna with help from a [[Sprung|dating sim game]], Chris learns from [[Rosechu]] that Hanna is trolling him. She finds this out after using her woman powers to overhear gossip among Hanna and her co-workers- while her friends ask her about Chris, feeding his ego by asking if he's dreamy and if they hear bells, Hanna reveals that it was a joke set up by the "boss".

Chris ends with a passive-aggressive email to Hanna- telling her it wasn't okay that she pranked him, but tells her she's very attractive and willing to give her a second chance, as long as she doesn't [[Tobacky|smoke]] and is boy-friend free. For no reason, he mentions he graduated with [[Honor Roll|High Honors]] from school.

In the edited version, Hanna is known as "Fandanna", and the full page scene where Chris declares his love quest over changed from a rainbow explosion background to a more anime-looking Chris in front of a heaven background. Some versions will combine edits with the original.

It should also be noted that the only Electric Hedgehogs known at the time of first publishing were Sonichu, Rosechu, and Blake- however, Rosechu is seen calling Bubbles and Wild, who would not be known by the team until [[Sonichu_3#Episode_11:_The_Chaotic_Combo_in_.22When_Hedgehogs_Meet.22|Sonichu 3 episode 11]]. It could be assumed she met them at the mall or knew them beforehand, but the Chaotic Combo never knew other Electric Hedgehogs existed until they coincidentally bumped into one another.

Reprinted from ''[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]''.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 3: Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"==
{{Resources
| title =Witch Confront
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512055038888980.1073741830.100002534669114&type=3 ''Sub-Episode 3''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_19 ''Sub-Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P10.htm ''Sub-Episode 3''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 3}}

Christian as Chris-Chan breaks into [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s lair as she poorly rips off Hamlet's "Double Double" line, attempting to put an end to her heart shattering (mainly for himself) and <s>parodies</s> rips off Sailor Moon. After a brief fight, she overpowers him and learns his secret identity. Before she can deal the finishing blow, [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] (in a rare cameo) has to bail him out. Together, Chris and Sonichu seemingly finish off Mary Lee Walsh with a combo attack.

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]].

In edited versions, Mary Lee Walsh is known as Slawheel
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack Part 1
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512055038888980.1073741830.100002534669114&type=3 ''Sub-Episode 4''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_27 ''Sub-Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P14.htm ''Sub-Episode 4''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 4}}

Christian loiters at a [[McDonald's]] for so long that he is attacked by no fewer than three [[manajerk]]s. Chris mentions how he got his anime-wings from a previous con. As he transforms to Chris-Chan Sonichu, the wings magically attach to his head, making him Super Chris-Chan Sonichu, giving him the ability of flight. First appearance of DarkBind Sonichu, who has magically summoned only to aide Chris, sidetracking him from his own quest to reawaken <s>Princess Zelda</s> Princess Zelina Rosechu. Darkbind's powers consist of sword fighting and plagiarizing Monty Python. After defeating Merried Senor Comic and the Jerkhief, Darkbind runs off as Chris deals a long-winded speech on how he is above the law and only holds the sign and loiters since women are too busy shopping to notice him, saying he is allowed to go where he wants when he wants. The comic ends on a cliffhanger as a new challenger approaches.

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]].

===Advertisements===
While the CWCipedia version is presented without advertisements between features, the older version on [[CWC's Sonichu Site]] recycles the ads for [[MySpace]] and [[Axe]] between Sub-Episodes 4 and 5.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 5: Christian Chandler in "McAttack Part 2"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack Part 2
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512055038888980.1073741830.100002534669114&type=3 ''Sub-Episode 5''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_41 ''Sub-Episode 5''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_5{{!}}''Sub-Episode 5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P22.htm ''Sub-Episode 5''
}}
Continuing from [[Sub-Episode 4]], the [[W-M-Manajerk]] immediately blasts [[Chris]] into a soda fountain, drenching him with [[CWC Cola|cola]]. In an unprecedented moment, Chris suddenly decides that he needs to bathe and "smell like a [[Axe|Flower]]", and takes a "CWC" shower [[Chris and health|that lasts exactly three seconds]] (he seems to think this is impressive). Christian charges W-M, but he catches our hero and holds him high in the air. Just as Chris is wondering if anything can defeat W-M-Manajerk, his ancestor, the [[ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], appears before him with advice concerning Chris's [[Heart Torch]]:

{{quote|...combined with your powers, you can use it to summon your dream sibling! She will be able to help you, much better than your mother even! Farewell, Chris!}}

Christian realizes that his ancestor is referring to the twin sister he has dreamed of having and has depicted in his homemade ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards. Emulating [[Wild Sonichu]]'s power of growth, Chris momentarily [[obesity|grows so large that he breaks loose of the Manajerk's grip]], and lands on the opposite side of the restaurant from his Pixelblock-Heart Torch. Dashing past enemy fire, he retrieves the totem, and summons [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] into reality. Seeing that Crystal has a Rosechu medallion, Chris realizes that she possesses the same [[Anchuent Prophecy|anchuent powers]] as he does (he would later shoehorn her into the prophecy and damage the retroactive continuity yet more), and they transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Crystalina Rosechu]].

Together they assault the W-M-Manajerk with Mirror Coat, Reflect and Double Corkscrew Kick. Once he is down, they finish the job by combining Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Crystalina's Shocking Tiara Magic to decapitate him. It is only after they separate W-M-Manajerk's head from his body that they realize he can survive in this state, nonchalantly confirming that their intent was to murder him. While [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]] decide they should retreat, Crystal takes the time to rant about how he's intruding on her brother's [[Love Quest]] and that how he could never know true love due to his lack of a heart, among [[Pickle|other things]]. Eventually, even Chris gets tired of his imaginary sister's bullshit and cuts her off- which is hypocritical since Chris and Sonichu are both known to go on long page-covering tirades, mainly about how Chris is above the law-before having W-M-Manajerk confess (unprompted) that he is from the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] and that he was sent by [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Christian and Crystal decide to punt the disembodied head back to PVCC, where it strikes Walsh on the head, knocking her unconscious, followed by some hilarious [[Random-access humor|word play]] at the expense of a concussion.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 6: "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari"==
{{Resources
| title =Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512055038888980.1073741830.100002534669114&type=3 ''Sub-Episode 6''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_55 ''Sub-Episode 6''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_6{{!}}''Sub-Episode 6''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P29.htm ''Sub-Episode 6''
}}
[[Image:CWCFinger.jpg|thumb|"MAH SONICHU, this china is what all true autistic virgins strive for!"]]
Christian presents a documentary on the various [[jerkop]]s he has encountered during his [[Love Quest]], with a profile on the [[Jerkhief]]. It's during this profile that he mentions that a Jerkop's badge is just a [[Wikipedia:Graham cracker|graham cracker]] painted yellow. The Jerkhief's, however, is made of wood. Somehow, this is supposed to explain the Jerkhief's "delicious" wooden badge on the cover.

He then relates an incident in which he was hanging out with his [[gal pal]]s when a "tribe of jerkops," led by the Jerkhief, harass them. In the story, Chris stands his ground; however, the battle is interrupted by [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal]], emerging from a changing room in a new outfit. With the jerkops dazed by her ravishing beauty, Chris gets an idea to channel [[Magi-Chan]]'s powers to telekinetically disarm all the jerkops and arrange them like bowling pins, so that he can use the Jerkhief like a bowling ball. But first, he makes a long, boring speech:
{{quote|You're not getting to me; no matter what you may try in attempt or threat, [[Chris and the Law#understanding|I will hang out wherever I want, when I want, and how I want]]! And I will never quit in my search for a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] either! So, all you Jerkops may as well go back to the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], and tell [[Mary Lee Walsh]] that if she is still intent on shattering my heart again, she can't! My heart is indestructible, and the more you haze me, I will grow stronger. Beware, eve for in the name of my heart, soul and [[Love Quest]], [[Sailor Moon|I will punish you!]]}}

Chris concludes his documentary by explaining how the jerkops use a hypno-gun to brainwash slow-minded persons to their cause, thereby replenishing their numbers. While watching the conclusion of the program, [[Scotpalazzo]] decides to order more jerkops from PVCC to oppose Christian.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 7: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target"==
{{Resources
| title =Off-Target Part 1
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512055038888980.1073741830.100002534669114&type=3 ''Sub-Episode 7''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_65 ''Sub-Episode 7''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_7{{!}}''Sub-Episode 7''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P34.htm ''Sub-Episode 7''
}}
A flashback reveals how Christian and [[Saramah Rosechu]] defeated Mary Lee Walsh some months ago; [[Graduon]] vows to destroy Christian with the strongest, most evil villain ever.

In the present day, Walsh and Graduon give [[Bagget]] his first assignment, to attack Christian at the [[Get-Tar Region]], Chris's new "watering hole" for boyfriend-free girls- complete with [[Obesity|$1 sodas with unlimited refills]]. While listening to his Nintendo DS music and drawing, he is confronted by two Jerkops, who are aware of him being kicked out of Mal-Wart and want him to leave. Chris summons Angelica's whirlwind powers to blow them away (Gust would have been the better move- since Whirlwind would most likely require movement on Chris's part). Using a squad of jerkops and his [[Transformers|Change-Bot]] Crackder, Bagget defeats Chris. Bagget's success is less a matter of his superior skill or strategy than the fact that for once no one arrives in the nick of time to rescue Chris--Crystal is unable to fight through the crowd of shoppers to help. In the cliffhanger, Crackder drops Chris from a dizzying height of at least ten feet.

[[The_Oversized_Drinking_Straw_of_Fail|This also the issue where the infamous straw originates]].
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target Part 2"==
{{Resources
| title =Off-Target Part 2
| facebook=https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512055038888980.1073741830.100002534669114&type=3 ''Sub-Episode 8''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_79 ''Sub-Episode 8''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_8{{!}}''Sub-Episode 8''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P41.htm ''Sub-Episode 8''
}}
[[Image:Letsdoit.JPG|thumb|left|Will Chris lose his virginity at last?]]
Continuing from Sub-Episode 7, Chris's fall is broken by Crystal's telekinetic powers. The jerkops decide to dog-pile on Chris, hog-tying him and going out of their way to give him severe carpet burns on his face. As Crystal watches on, inexplicably helpless to act, Chris is ferried away by Crackder to PVCC, marking the first time the villains have ever actually subdued ''and'' captured him.

While Crystal tracks Bagget as [[Crystalina Rosechu]], Chris is presented before Mary Lee Walsh, trussed on a silver platter with an apple in his mouth. After pointlessly re-enacting the trial scene from ''[[Wikipedia:The Transformers: The Movie|The Transformers: The Movie]]'', Walsh and the Jerkhief drop Chris in a vat of indeterminate liquid. Chris is finally rescued by Crystalina, who saves him from falling into... something, and battles Walsh's forces singlehandedly. Instead of showing Crystalina fighting the evil, Chris takes this time to mope to himself that is he still without a girlfriend. Without the power to help his sister, Christian experiences another vision of his ancestor, who offers words of encouragement. Due to Crystalina being a girl, she cannot fight the forces on her own, causing her to channel her energy to Chris and re-energize him. Finally able to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], Chris and his sister form up as [[Chrs-Chan Pure]] and use the [[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]] to destroy the crystal ball maintaining Walsh's control of PVCC. Walsh and Graduon escape to [[Manchester High School]] to rebuild their power base.

===Back Cover===
As with [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], early editions feature the personal army request page, while the most recent CWCipedia version features ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]''.
{{-}}

==Comic pages==
<center>{{collapsible
|Issue 4
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:issue4.jpg|Cover
File:Sonichu - Jargon Page.jpg|Disclaimer
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 1.jpg |Page 1 (original)
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 2.jpg |Page 2 (original)
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 3.jpg |Page 3 (original)
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 4.jpg |Page 4 (original)
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 5.jpg |Page 5 (original)
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 6.jpg |Page 6 (original)
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 7.jpg |Page 7 (original)
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 8.jpg |Page 8 (original)
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 9.jpg |Page 9 (original)
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 10.jpg|Page 10 (original)
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 2, Page 1.jpg |Page 11
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 2, Page 2.jpg |Page 12
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 2, Page 3.jpg |Page 13 (original)
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 2, Page 4.jpg |Page 14
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File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 2, Page 6.jpg |Page 16 (original)
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File:SchuComic4Page12.jpg|[[MySpace]] advertisement
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File:SchuComicFreeBack.jpg|Early Back Cover
File:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Revised Back Cover
</gallery><gallery perrow="5" caption="Revisions">
File:RainbowChris.jpg|Later version of Sub-Episode 2, p. S-3.
</gallery><gallery perrow="5" caption="Sonichu 4 fan art">
Image:AltSonichu4.jpg|Bizarro World Cover
</gallery>}}</center>

===2009 revisions===

<center>{{collapsible
|Issue 4 - Revised Pages
|<gallery caption="Revised pages from the [[Miyamoto emails|Miyamoto Saga]]">
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 5, Revision 2.jpg |Page 5
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 6, Revision 2.jpg |Page 6
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 7, Revision 2.jpg |Page 7
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 8, Revision 2.jpg |Page 8
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 2, Page 3, Revision 1.jpg |Page 13
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 2, Page 5, Revision 1.jpg |Page 15
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 2, Page 6, Revision 1.jpg |Page 16
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 2, Page 7, Revision 1.jpg |Page 17
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 2, Page 8, Revision 1.jpg |Page 18
</gallery>}}</center>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Manajerks#W-M-Manajerk|W-M-Manajerk]]
*[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)]]
*[[Jerkhief]]

==References==
<references/>

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

Sonichu 4

2020-08-02T17:56:24Z

HarryHowler:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Infobox/Comic
| titleandissue = Sonichu #4
| cover = issue4.jpg
| coverdate = 2 November 2005
| began = 24 March 2005
| finishedcomic = after 2 September 2005
| pagecount = 95
| episodes = ''none''
| sub-episodes = 1-8
| previous = [[Sonichu 3|Sonichu #3]]
| next = [[Sonichu 5|Sonichu #5]]
}}
'''''Sonichu'' #4''' is the fifth issue of the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' series.

A departure from the previous books in both form and content, ''Sonichu'' #4 is a sort of anthology that consists ''exclusively'' of [[Sub-Episodes]] about [[Chris]]'s [[Love Quest]] and other happenings of his life, which originally appeared at the end of each previous issue. Chris's [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]] is in full bloom here, as he reprints the first four sub-episodes (from ''Sonichu'' #0 to #3), and adds four more.

Although Chris would not complete [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] until February [[2006]], he had begun work on the new material in ''Sonichu'' #4. Sub-Episodes 5, 6 and 7 were completed during the summer of [[2005]], and Sub-Episode 8 was at least started by September 2005. Given that the events these stories are based upon happened in the summer of 2005, Chris probably had them forefront on his mind and was able to work more quickly on them than his wretched "Sonichu Babies" plot in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]].

Chris has stated that [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] told him to stop making sub-episodes as they loosely depicted unflattering events from Chris's life;<ref>[[Mailbag 3#In which Chris forgets why Barb objects to him immortalizing his failures in comics|Mailbag 3]]: "I stopped drawing those because I made a promise to my mother that I would, but I forget why she was offended by them."</ref> this issue's format may represent an effort to get them all out of the way immediately following her edict. Chris claims to have forgotten the exacty reason his mother was offended by the comics, though one imagines it might have had something to do with the fact that her grown son was making comics depicting how he solicited girls for <s>sex</s> relationships at shopping centers, and caused a scene when asked to stop. Or the fact that in one sub-episode Chris is seen "killing" a character depicting [[Mary Lee Walsh|a real person]] (though she appears just fine later on) who he had recently been suspended from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]] for making implied threats towards.

At this point, Chris appeared to cut the pretense and make the series purely about his [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Mary Sue stand-in]] instead of the [[Sonichu (character)|title character]]. Each episode in the book tells basically the same story: Chris loitering, being confronted by his enemies and then effortlessly defeating them. The book also introduces [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal Weston Chandler]], Chris's [[Tomgirl|<s>repressed gender dysphoria</s>]] hypothetical twin sister. Sonichu only appears once in the entire issue-Rosechu and a new character, [[Darkbind Sonichu|Darkbind]] also make an appearance in Sub Episode 2 and 4 respectively. Any other Electric-Hedgehog seen is through Chris's limitless powers, with an image of each character he stole powers from (Growth from Wild, Whirlwind from Angelica, etc.).

For almost every episode, there is an edited version, mainly poorly changing real-life names or changing his "curse ye ha me ha" attack by one word. Or he changes scenes entirely several years after publishing.

==Sub-Episode 1: Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-tastropie"==
{{-}}
{{Resources
| title =Jerkop-tastropie
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512055038888980.1073741830.100002534669114&type=3 ''Sub-Episode 1''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_1 ''Sub-Episode 1''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P1.htm ''Sub-Episode 1''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 1}}

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], the episode opens with Chris moping around Mal-Wart, complaining about how he has no girlfriend because of all the [[JERKS|men]] taking pretty girls from him. The [[Jerkhief]] rightfully accuses Christian of solicitation and grows tired of Chris's whining for a girlfriend. This forces Chris to transform into [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] and defend himself with the dreaded [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] after having Jerkops attempt to cuff him.

In the edited version, the attack is known as Shin-ye-ha-me-ha.

Note: In this episode, Chris utters the phrase "Fuzzy Wuzzies get you hugs- Prickly Wicklies get you slugs" He then points out how the Jerkhief dealt him a slug, which should make Chris come to his senses and realize his awful "prickly wickly" behavior

But seeing how this is Chris, he forgets this and decides that a slug equals a mary-sue attack that ruins innocent lives.

When this episode first appeared in Sonichu 0, Chris had not yet received his powers, it wouldn't be until [[Sonichu_2#Episode_7:_Sonichu_in_.22Anchuent_Prophecy.22|Issue 2 Episode 7]] he would get power in the medallion.

{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"==
{{Resources
| title =The Rise & Fall of My Heart
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512055038888980.1073741830.100002534669114&type=3 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_11 ''Sub-Episode 2''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P6.htm ''Sub-Episode 2''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 2}}

The episode opens with Chris further moping about and on a break from his quest to eat eight chicken McNuggets. Christian meets [[Hanna]], who asks him out for coffee. All we learn of the girl is that she enjoys reading "Chuck Paladuck" and plays guitar, also working at an unknown store. Chris spends most of the 'Date' talking about himself and showing off his Sonichu Scrapbook, ending the date by giving her a "double-take flirt" and calling his family. Meanwhile, Rosechu is off spreading the news of Chris having a date, since that appears to be breaking news that [[Bubbles Rosechu|every]] [[Wild Sonichu|citizen]] must know. While planning his next interaction with Hanna with help from a [[Sprung|dating sim game]], Chris learns from [[Rosechu]] that Hanna is trolling him. She finds this out after using her woman powers to overhear gossip among Hanna and her co-workers- while her friends ask her about Chris, feeding his ego by asking if he's dreamy and if they hear bells, Hanna reveals that it was a joke set up by the "boss".

Chris ends with a passive-aggressive email to Hanna- telling her it wasn't okay that she pranked him, but tells her she's very attractive and willing to give her a second chance, as long as she doesn't [[Tobacky|smoke]] and is boy-friend free. For no reason, he mentions he graduated with [[Honor Roll|High Honors]] from school.

In the edited version, Hanna is known as "Fandanna", and the full page scene where Chris declares his love quest over changed from a rainbow explosion background to a more anime-looking Chris in front of a heaven background. Some versions will combine edits with the original.

It should also be noted that the only Electric Hedgehogs known at the time of first publishing were Sonichu, Rosechu, and Blake- however, Rosechu is seen calling Bubbles and Wild, who would not be known by the team until [[Sonichu_3#Episode_11:_The_Chaotic_Combo_in_.22When_Hedgehogs_Meet.22|Sonichu 3 episode 11]]. It could be assumed she met them at the mall or knew them beforehand, but the Chaotic Combo never knew other Electric Hedgehogs existed until they coincidentally bumped into one another.

Reprinted from ''[[Sonichu 1|''Sonichu'' #1]]''.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 3: Christian Chandler & Sonichu in "Witch Confront"==
{{Resources
| title =Witch Confront
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512055038888980.1073741830.100002534669114&type=3 ''Sub-Episode 3''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_19 ''Sub-Episode 3''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P10.htm ''Sub-Episode 3''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 3}}

Christian as Chris-Chan breaks into [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s lair as she poorly rips off Hamlet's "Double Double" line, attempting to put an end to her heart shattering (mainly for himself) and <s>parodies</s> rips off Sailor Moon. After a brief fight, she overpowers him and learns his secret identity. Before she can deal the finishing blow, [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] (in a rare cameo) has to bail him out. Together, Chris and Sonichu seemingly finish off Mary Lee Walsh with a combo attack.

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]].

In edited versions, Mary Lee Walsh is known as Slawheel
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack Part 1
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512055038888980.1073741830.100002534669114&type=3 ''Sub-Episode 4''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_27 ''Sub-Episode 4''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P14.htm ''Sub-Episode 4''
}}
{{main|Sub-Episode 4}}

Christian loiters at a [[McDonald's]] for so long that he is attacked by no fewer than three [[manajerk]]s. Chris mentions how he got his anime-wings from a previous con. As he transforms to Chris-Chan Sonichu, the wings magically attach to his head, making him Super Chris-Chan Sonichu, giving him the ability of flight. First appearance of DarkBind Sonichu, who has magically summoned only to aide Chris, sidetracking him from his own quest to reawaken <s>Princess Zelda</s> Princess Zelina Rosechu. Darkbind's powers consist of sword fighting and plagiarizing Monty Python. After defeating Merried Senor Comic and the Jerkhief, Darkbind runs off as Chris deals a long-winded speech on how he is above the law and only holds the sign and loiters since women are too busy shopping to notice him, saying he is allowed to go where he wants when he wants. The comic ends on a cliffhanger as a new challenger approaches.

Reprinted from [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]].

===Advertisements===
While the CWCipedia version is presented without advertisements between features, the older version on [[CWC's Sonichu Site]] recycles the ads for [[MySpace]] and [[Axe]] between Sub-Episodes 4 and 5.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 5: Christian Chandler in "McAttack Part 2"==
{{Resources
| title =McAttack Part 2
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512055038888980.1073741830.100002534669114&type=3 ''Sub-Episode 5''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_41 ''Sub-Episode 5''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_5{{!}}''Sub-Episode 5''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P22.htm ''Sub-Episode 5''
}}
Continuing from [[Sub-Episode 4]], the [[W-M-Manajerk]] immediately blasts [[Chris]] into a soda fountain, drenching him with [[CWC Cola|cola]]. In an unprecedented moment, Chris suddenly decides that he needs to bathe and "smell like a [[Axe|Flower]]", and takes a "CWC" shower [[Chris and health|that lasts exactly three seconds]] (he seems to think this is impressive). Christian charges W-M, but he catches our hero and holds him high in the air. Just as Chris is wondering if anything can defeat W-M-Manajerk, his ancestor, the [[ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], appears before him with advice concerning Chris's [[Heart Torch]]:

{{quote|...combined with your powers, you can use it to summon your dream sibling! She will be able to help you, much better than your mother even! Farewell, Chris!}}

Christian realizes that his ancestor is referring to the twin sister he has dreamed of having and has depicted in his homemade ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards. Emulating [[Wild Sonichu]]'s power of growth, Chris momentarily [[obesity|grows so large that he breaks loose of the Manajerk's grip]], and lands on the opposite side of the restaurant from his Pixelblock-Heart Torch. Dashing past enemy fire, he retrieves the totem, and summons [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] into reality. Seeing that Crystal has a Rosechu medallion, Chris realizes that she possesses the same [[Anchuent Prophecy|anchuent powers]] as he does (he would later shoehorn her into the prophecy and damage the retroactive continuity yet more), and they transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] and [[Crystalina Rosechu]].

Together they assault the W-M-Manajerk with Mirror Coat, Reflect and Double Corkscrew Kick. Once he is down, they finish the job by combining Chris's [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and Crystalina's Shocking Tiara Magic to decapitate him. It is only after they separate W-M-Manajerk's head from his body that they realize he can survive in this state, nonchalantly confirming that their intent was to murder him. While [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]] decide they should retreat, Crystal takes the time to rant about how he's intruding on her brother's [[Love Quest]] and that how he could never know true love due to his lack of a heart, among [[Pickle|other things]]. Eventually, even Chris gets tired of his imaginary sister's bullshit and cuts her off- which is hypocritical since Chris and Sonichu are both known to go on long page-covering tirades, mainly about how Chris is above the law-before having W-M-Manajerk confess (unprompted) that he is from the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]] and that he was sent by [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Christian and Crystal decide to punt the disembodied head back to PVCC, where it strikes Walsh on the head, knocking her unconscious, followed by some hilarious [[Random-access humor|word play]] at the expense of a concussion.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 6: "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari"==
{{Resources
| title =Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512055038888980.1073741830.100002534669114&type=3 ''Sub-Episode 6''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_55 ''Sub-Episode 6''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_6{{!}}''Sub-Episode 6''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P29.htm ''Sub-Episode 6''
}}
[[Image:CWCFinger.jpg|thumb|"MAH SONICHU, this china is what all true autistic virgins strive for!"]]
Christian presents a documentary on the various [[jerkop]]s he has encountered during his [[Love Quest]], with a profile on the [[Jerkhief]]. It's during this profile that he mentions that a Jerkop's badge is just a [[Wikipedia:Graham cracker|graham cracker]] painted yellow. The Jerkhief's, however, is made of wood. Somehow, this is supposed to explain the Jerkhief's "delicious" wooden badge on the cover.

He then relates an incident in which he was hanging out with his [[gal pal]]s when a "tribe of jerkops," led by the Jerkhief, harass them. In the story, Chris stands his ground; however, the battle is interrupted by [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|Crystal]], emerging from a changing room in a new outfit. With the jerkops dazed by her ravishing beauty, Chris gets an idea to channel [[Magi-Chan]]'s powers to telekinetically disarm all the jerkops and arrange them like bowling pins, so that he can use the Jerkhief like a bowling ball. But first, he makes a long, boring speech:
{{quote|You're not getting to me; no matter what you may try in attempt or threat, [[Chris and the Law#understanding|I will hang out wherever I want, when I want, and how I want]]! And I will never quit in my search for a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] either! So, all you Jerkops may as well go back to the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], and tell [[Mary Lee Walsh]] that if she is still intent on shattering my heart again, she can't! My heart is indestructible, and the more you haze me, I will grow stronger. Beware, eve for in the name of my heart, soul and [[Love Quest]], [[Sailor Moon|I will punish you!]]}}

Chris concludes his documentary by explaining how the jerkops use a hypno-gun to brainwash slow-minded persons to their cause, thereby replenishing their numbers. While watching the conclusion of the program, [[Scotpalazzo]] decides to order more jerkops from PVCC to oppose Christian.
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 7: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target"==
{{Resources
| title =Off-Target Part 1
| facebook =https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512055038888980.1073741830.100002534669114&type=3 ''Sub-Episode 7''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_65 ''Sub-Episode 7''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_7{{!}}''Sub-Episode 7''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P34.htm ''Sub-Episode 7''
}}
A flashback reveals how Christian and [[Saramah Rosechu]] defeated Mary Lee Walsh some months ago; [[Graduon]] vows to destroy Christian with the strongest, most evil villain ever.

In the present day, Walsh and Graduon give [[Bagget]] his first assignment, to attack Christian at the [[Get-Tar Region]], Chris's new "watering hole" for boyfriend-free girls- complete with [[Obesity|$1 sodas with unlimited refills]]. While listening to his Nintendo DS music and drawing, he is confronted by two Jerkops, who are aware of him being kicked out of Mal-Wart and want him to leave. Chris summons Angelica's whirlwind powers to blow them away (Gust would have been the better move- since Whirlwind would most likely require movement on Chris's part). Using a squad of jerkops and his [[Transformers|Change-Bot]] Crackder, Bagget defeats Chris. Bagget's success is less a matter of his superior skill or strategy than the fact that for once no one arrives in the nick of time to rescue Chris--Crystal is unable to fight through the crowd of shoppers to help. In the cliffhanger, Crackder drops Chris from a dizzying height of at least ten feet.

[[The_Oversized_Drinking_Straw_of_Fail|This also the issue where the infamous straw originates]].
{{-}}

==Sub-Episode 8: Christian Chandler in "Off-Target Part 2"==
{{Resources
| title =Off-Target Part 2
| facebook=https://www.facebook.com/CwcvilleGuardian/media_set?set=a.512055038888980.1073741830.100002534669114&type=3 ''Sub-Episode 8''
| cwcipedia =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_79 ''Sub-Episode 8''
| videobook =Sonichu_4_Official_Videobook#Sub-Episode_8{{!}}''Sub-Episode 8''
| sonichusite =http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcville/SchuComic5P41.htm ''Sub-Episode 8''
}}
[[Image:Letsdoit.JPG|thumb|left|Will Chris lose his virginity at last?]]
Continuing from Sub-Episode 7, Chris's fall is broken by Crystal's telekinetic powers. The jerkops decide to dog-pile on Chris, hog-tying him and going out of their way to give him severe carpet burns on his face. As Crystal watches on, inexplicably helpless to act, Chris is ferried away by Crackder to PVCC, marking the first time the villains have ever actually subdued ''and'' captured him.

While Crystal tracks Bagget as [[Crystalina Rosechu]], Chris is presented before Mary Lee Walsh, trussed on a silver platter with an apple in his mouth. After pointlessly re-enacting the trial scene from ''[[Wikipedia:The Transformers: The Movie|The Transformers: The Movie]]'', Walsh and the Jerkhief drop Chris in a vat of indeterminate liquid. Chris is finally rescued by Crystalina, who saves him from falling into... something, and battles Walsh's forces singlehandedly. Instead of showing Crystalina fighting the evil, Chris takes this time to mope to himself that is he still without a girlfriend. Without the power to help his sister, Christian experiences another vision of his ancestor, who offers words of encouragement. Due to Crystalina being a girl, she cannot fight the forces on her own, causing her to channel her energy to Chris and re-energize him. Finally able to transform into [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], Chris and his sister form up as [[Chrs-Chan Pure]] and use the [[Chrs-Chan Pure Pulse-Jolt Lance]] to destroy the crystal ball maintaining Walsh's control of PVCC. Walsh and Graduon escape to [[Manchester High School]] to rebuild their power base.

===Back Cover===
As with [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]], early editions feature the personal army request page, while the most recent CWCipedia version features ''[[Sonichu Adventure]]''.
{{-}}

==Comic pages==
<center>{{collapsible
|Issue 4
|<gallery perrow="5">
File:issue4.jpg|Cover
File:Sonichu - Jargon Page.jpg|Disclaimer
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 1.jpg |Page 1 (original)
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 2.jpg |Page 2 (original)
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 3.jpg |Page 3 (original)
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 4.jpg |Page 4 (original)
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 5.jpg |Page 5 (original)
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 6.jpg |Page 6 (original)
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 7.jpg |Page 7 (original)
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 8.jpg |Page 8 (original)
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 9.jpg |Page 9 (original)
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 10.jpg|Page 10 (original)
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 2, Page 1.jpg |Page 11
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 2, Page 2.jpg |Page 12
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 2, Page 3.jpg |Page 13 (original)
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File:SchuComic4Page12.jpg|[[MySpace]] advertisement
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File:SchuComicFreeBack.jpg|Early Back Cover
File:Sonichu Adventure for Gamecube.jpg|Revised Back Cover
</gallery><gallery perrow="5" caption="Revisions">
File:RainbowChris.jpg|Later version of Sub-Episode 2, p. S-3.
</gallery><gallery perrow="5" caption="Sonichu 4 fan art">
Image:AltSonichu4.jpg|Bizarro World Cover
</gallery>}}</center>

===2009 revisions===

<center>{{collapsible
|Issue 4 - Revised Pages
|<gallery caption="Revised pages from the [[Miyamoto emails|Miyamoto Saga]]">
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 5, Revision 2.jpg |Page 5
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 6, Revision 2.jpg |Page 6
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 7, Revision 2.jpg |Page 7
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 1, Page 8, Revision 2.jpg |Page 8
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 2, Page 3, Revision 1.jpg |Page 13
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 2, Page 5, Revision 1.jpg |Page 15
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 2, Page 6, Revision 1.jpg |Page 16
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 2, Page 7, Revision 1.jpg |Page 17
File:Sonichu - Sub-Episode 2, Page 8, Revision 1.jpg |Page 18
</gallery>}}</center>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Sonichu Comic Collection|linkname=the Sonichu Comic Collection}}
*[[Manajerks#W-M-Manajerk|W-M-Manajerk]]
*[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)]]
*[[Jerkhief]]

==References==
<references/>

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category: Sonichu comic book issues]]

2004

2020-08-02T17:56:13Z

HarryHowler:

__NOEDITSECTION__
[[Image:0647-CWCAshAnime.jpg|thumb| Chris, on '''29 May 2004'''.]]
[[Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|thumb|Chris in '''February 2004''', sporting the original [[medallion]].]]
[[Image:Metonic.jpg|thumb|[[Metonic]] as drawn on '''13 June 2004'''.]]
[[Image:SonichuChronicles.jpg|thumb|On '''19 February 2004''', Chris starts building the [[The Sonichu Chronicles|Sonichu Chronicles]] PowerPoint.]]
[[Image:MachPunch.jpg|thumb|Throughout '''2004''', Chris's hate for [[Mary Lee Walsh]] only grows stronger.]]
[[Image:CWCMonica.jpg|thumb|On '''29 May 2004''', Chris meets [[Anime Mid-Atlantic|Monica Rial]].]]
[[Image:Red-string.jpg|thumb|On '''1 August 2004''', Chris tries to attract women using a [[Red String of Fate|red string]].]]
[[Image:RealPVCCLogo.jpg|thumb|On '''26 September 2004''', PVCC decide that they have had enough of the crap, and they throw Chris out.]]

'''2004''' is the year in which [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] turned 22 years old. This year saw the appearance of the first [[Sonichu's News Dash]] and its dissemination in [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]], starting his mythical feud with the college dean [[Mary Lee Walsh]], eventually resulting in him getting suspended. He met [[Megan Schroeder]] in August, and at the end of this year started drawing [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]].

==Events of 2004==
===January===
* January 1 - Chris writes an entry in his [[CWC's Diary|diary]], stating his New Year's resolution to get a girlfriend, and his intent to make another attempt at PVCC.
* January 3 - Chris draws ''[[Sonichu 0#Classic Sonichu Strips|Sonichu (Jan 3)]]'', a classic Sonichu strip. This is probably the first time Chris started writing about his creation in comic-strip form.
* January 6 - Chris reports in his diary he went to see his optometrist, who is also his half-brother, [[David Alan Chandler|David]]. He finds out he needs new lenses, and that David has an eight-year-old [[Savannah Chandler|daughter]].
* January 16 - Chris sends an email to a man named John Crowll. Attached to the email is a flyer Chris made to advertise the [[The GAMe PLACe]]'s Pokémon League.<ref>[[Chris emails 2004-2006#January 2004]]</ref>
* January 18 - Chris writes the poem "[[Hard Love Quest]]".
* January 31 - Chris writes in his diary, expressing optimism that his new idea, the ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]'', will attract girls.
* January 31 - ''Sonichu's News Dash'' #1 comes out. He provides a link to the newsletter on [[CWC's Sonichu Site!]].

===Febuary===
* February - ''Sonichu's News Dash'' #2 comes out.
* February 1 - Chris tells Mary Lee Walsh [[Chris emails 2004-2006#February 2004|in an email]] that he will not hang signs in school ever again if she lets him distribute the News Dash.
* February 2 - Chris creates the [[Magi-Chan]] Sonichu card and the Christian Chandler card.
* February 3 - Mary Lee Walsh responds to Chris's email and denies Chris's request, and requires that they meet on 9 February.
* February 9 - Chris meets with Mary Lee Walsh and Susan Hannifan to discuss his behavior. According to the [[Mailbag]], Walsh says that he will never get a girlfriend, that his methods are flawed and stupid and that he is stupid. Chris then throws a temper tantrum. According to Chris in his diary, Walsh bans him from distributing the ''Sonichu's News Dash'' on campus. Chris declares war on Mary Lee Walsh, and hopes to incite the "masses" to support him. He updates his Sonichu site.
* February 19 - Chris starts making his [["The Sonichu Chronicles" PowerPoint]].
* February 24 - Chris's 22nd [[Chris's birthday|birthday]]. He gets snowed in. Chris is photographed on this date wearing his Sonichu [[medallion]]. He updates [[CWC's Pokésite 2]].

===March===
* March 2 - In his diary, Chris reports that Mary Lee Walsh tried to influence the Chandler family to take him out of PVCC. Chris's parents get angry.
* March - ''Sonichu's News Dash'' #3 comes out. The possibility of Sonichu powering up to [[Sonichu Balls#Powers|Ultra Sonichu]] is announced.
* March 18 - Chris draws ''[[Sonichu 0#Classic Sonichu Strips|Sonichu (18 Mar)]]'', a classic Sonichu strip.

===April===
* April 8 - Chris creates a [[Nintendo Power]] cover of himself and Sonichu.
* April 29 - An article about Sonichu is featured in the PVCC newsletter, ''The Forum''. Chris writes in his diary that he is pleased but still yearns for a girlfriend.
* April - ''Sonichu's News Dash'' #4 comes out.

===May===
* May 4 - Chris's [[Animal Crossing Documentary]] is featured in ''Nintendo Power''.
* May 8 - Mother's Day. Chris presents [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] with a ''[[Sonichu 0#Classic Sonichu Strips|Sonichu Mother-Day's Special]]'', a classic Sonichu strip.
* May 29 - Chris attends the [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]] convention, where he meets voice actress Monica Rial.

===June===
* June 7 - Chris records a [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)#C.W.C.'s Animal Crossing/Mario Paint 24th Wedding Anniversary Special|documentary]] for the celebration of his parents' 24th anniversary.
* June 13 - Chris draws ''[[Sonichu 0#Classic Sonichu Strips|Sonichu (25 years later)]]'', a classic Sonichu strip.

===July===
* July 17 - Chris begins to use the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] Mall as an [[Attraction Location]], using his [[sign]].

===August===
* August - Chris enters his short-lived fifth year at PVCC.
* August 1 - Chris writes in his diary that he has developed a new idea to attract women, involving a [[red string]].
* August 5 - Chris says in his diary that a [[Jerkop]] destroyed the red string of fate.
* August 8 - Chris creates his "[[Girlfriend]] Attraction" [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] card.
* August 9 - Chris makes his "[[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]" [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] card.
* August 11 - Chris designs his "[[Rosechu]]", "[[Black Sonichu]]", "[[Metonic]]", Metonic's Sword", "CWC's Evil Glare" and "[[Ultra Sonichu]]" [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] cards.
* August 14 or 21 - Chris meets [[Megan Schroeder]] for the first time, at his first [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] tournament.<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts]]</ref>
* August 17 - Chris creates the following ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards: [[:File:126-YuCChan.jpg|Chris-Chan Sonichu]], [[:File:246-YuVamprosa.jpg|Vamprosa]], [[:File:260-YuWild.jpg|Wild Sonichu]], [[:File:265-YuBubbles.jpg|Bubbles Rosechu]], [[:File:270-YuAngelica.jpg|Angelica Rosechu]], [[:File:275-YuPunchy.jpg|Punchy Sonichu]], [[:File:280-YuMagi.jpg|Magi-Chan Sonichu]], [[:File:294-YuWesLi.jpg|Wes-Li Sonichu]], [[:File:302-YuSahramah.jpg|Saramah Rosechu]], [[:File:105-LonesomeSelf.jpg|Lonesome Self]], [[:File:154-ApologyLetter.jpg|Apology Letter]], [[:File:157-CityOfCwcville.jpg|City of CWCville]] and [[:File:145-ShatteredHeart.jpg|Shattered Heart]].
* August 18 - Chris creates the [[Virgin With Rage]] and [[S-Chu Ball]] [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] cards.
* August 19 - Chris depicts his imaginary twin sister, [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal Weston Chandler]], for the first time on a [[:File:152-YuCrystal.jpg|Yu-Gi-Oh! card]]. He also creates the "[[Jerk]]", "Jerk's Loitering Lot", "[[Power Rangers|Sonichu Zord]]", "[[Girlfriend]]?", "[[Mary Lee Walsh|Hslaw Eel Yram]]", "Hooked on Sonichu", "[[Fangs|Wisdom Teeth]]", "Girlfriend's Gift", "Metal Boots", "[[Vamprosa]]'s Cape", "Level Battle", "Light [[Knife]]", "Random Trick" and "Mind Swap" cards.
* August 20 - Chris makes his "Plan for Attraction" Yu-Gi-Oh! card.

===September===
* September 4 - This date marks the 8th week Chris has spent trying to attract women at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]]. Chris states in his diary that he "realized" holding a [[sign]] asking women to date him is akin to "selling himself like a new car".
* September 4 - [[Bob]] turns 77.
* September 5 - Chris creates his "[[Jerkop]]", "[[Metal Sonichu]]", "Silver [[Blachu]]", "[[Flame the Sunbird]]", "[[Bionic the Hedgehog]]", "Sonichu [[Medallion]]", "Fireshock Pendant", "Lightning Bracelets", "Trap of Fear" and "7 Chaos Emeralds" [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] cards.
* September 6 - Chris writes a diary entry about his attempt to reason with a [[jerkop|security guard]] at the mall. He shouted "NO!" at the guard, and believed he had intimidated the man.
* September 11 - Chris reports in his diary that he was arrested at the mall. He does not have to go to jail, but he is forbidden to return to Charlottesville Fashion Square without one of his parents.
* September 16 - Chris is suspended from PVCC for one year by "the Board". He is required to see a psychiatrist. In his diary, he blames Mary Lee Walsh. He claims Bob is planning to write to George W. Bush and Laura Bush demanding action.
* September 26 - Chris writes in his diary that he is lonely and depressed due to being denied access to the mall and PVCC. He decides to ask [[Santa Claus]] for a girlfriend.

===October===
* October 1 - [[Barb]] turns 63.
* October - Chris chooses the [[University of Virginia]] campus as a new [[Attraction Location]] (but without the [[sign]]).
* October 18 - Chris writes the first draft for [[Story of My Current Days]].
* October - ''Sonichu's News Dash'' #5 comes out.

===November===
* early November - Chris is allowed back into [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]].
* November 5 - Chris receives a [[Autism papers#Intake survey|psychiatric evaluation]] from a psychiatrist at the [[University of Virginia]]. It recommends further treatment; Chris and his family ignore it.
* November 24 - Chris starts drawing his first full-sized comic.

===December===
* December - Chris gives up on the [[University of Virginia]] as an [[Attraction Location]] (for the time being).
* December - ''Sonichu's News Dash'' #6 comes out. Chris states that he expects a Christmas-apology from [[Mary Lee Walsh]].
* December 2 - Chris makes the [[Angelica]] Rosechu card.
* December 4 - Chris writes the song "[[I Want a Girlfriend for Christmas]]".
* December 5 - Chris draws ''[[Sonichu 0#Classic Sonichu Strips|Sonichu (05 Dec)]]'', a classic Sonichu strip.
* December 20 - Chris records himself performing "[[So Need a Cute Girl]]" and "[[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend]]".
* December 25 - It is Christmas, and [[Santa]] doesn't bring Chris a girlfriend. He states that he is depressed. [[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004|He records himself opening presents with his family, showing off his presents, and walking through his house]]. He also records the video [[ChrisAfterChristmas2004]].

==References==
<references/>
{{Timeline}}

[[Category:Chronology]]

PlayStation 3

2020-07-30T14:24:30Z

HarryHowler:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Taxpayermoney}}
[[File:Cwcps3 by nevermonkey-d4jrnny.jpg|thumb|A life upgrade.]]

The [[Sony]] '''PlayStation 3''', or '''PS Triple''' in troll parlance (purchased 17 March [[2007]]<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref> - [[The MovingFoward videos|28 August 2010]]), is a video game console released in 2006 as the third generation in Sony's PlayStation line of consoles. It introduced features such as the ability to play Blu-ray discs, further social and online features, and the PlayStation Network. However, the console had a rocky start due to a high price tag ($599 for a 60GB model, and $499 for a 20GB model, equivalent to $763.05 and $635.87 respectively considering inflation as of 2020), among other problems; still, during its 11-year lifespan, it sold 87.4 million units, which while nothing compared to the PlayStation 2's numbers (where it is still the highest-selling console of all time) is still quite respectable.

Chris apparently did purchase a PlayStation 2 (specifically, one of the "slim" models) at some point, though very little is known about Chris's PS2 in comparison to its successor. Notably, the first issue of [[Sonichu's News Dash]] had Chris speaking about Sony and the PS2 in derogatory terms, suggesting that at some point between October 2004 (when the slim PS2 was first introduced) and [[November 2006]] (when his PS2 was seen in the [[Pixelated PS3]] video), Chris reversed his opinions on the company.

The PS3 is notable for being [[Chris]]'s original "life upgrade". He desperately wanted to win one in a [[Pixelated PS3|contest]], to the point where he built one out of [[Pixelblocks]] and a slim PS2, and declared that he would "throw out the cure for [[autism]]" for one.<ref>[[Pixelated PS3]]</ref> Chris eventually went ahead and bought one with his [[monthly tugboat]]. In [[August 2010]], following [[#Molestations and other PS3 damage|repeated PS3 abuse]], he [[#Destruction|destroyed]] his life upgrade...only to purchase another shortly after.

The PS3 was discontinued in [[2016]], and was supplanted a few years beforehand by the [[PlayStation 4]].

==PlayStation Network==
[[Image:Etc playstation.PNG|thumb|Confirmation e-mails, a testament to Chris's financial responsibility.]]

The PlayStation Network is an [[online]] digital media service introduced with the PS3 with its launch in 2006. It allows users to buy games, movies, TV shows, and other stuff, as well as social media features, music and movie streaming, and cloud gaming. Being [[Chris and money|as irresponsible with money]] as he is, Chris went into overdrive with this feature of the PS3's online capabilities. Chris spent so much on the PSN that it contributed most of his credit card debt at the time (roughly $3,500 circa early 2010).

You might ask yourself how he could've spent that much and what he could've spent it on. Chris seemingly bought (and still buys) everything possible, from game content to movies to several episodes of terrible harem [[anime]]. A list of Chris's PSN purchases reveals that he frequently bought DLC for games he doesn't even own.

Chris spent at least '''$6,127.64''' in American [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayer dollars]].

===Spending history===
The following table chronicles Chris's deposits into his PlayStation Network "wallet" between April 2007 and February 2010, the period for which detailed records of his transactions are available (thanks to the work of expert hackers).

Some interesting patterns can be spotted in his spending habits. He was relatively thrifty for most of 2007 and into early 2008 when he still had a few other outlets for entertaining himself outside of his [[Chris's room|room]]. There's a sharp spike around the time of his first ban from [[The GAMe PLACe]] in the spring of 2008, although that signal spike might have been augmented as a result of his concurrent "breakup" with Megan Schroeder in a bid to salve the emotional wound with the desperate application of virtual toys. Likewise, it's probably not a coincidence that after Chris was permanently booted from The PLACe in the summer of 2008, he began spending a shit ton more tugboat money on PSN.

In light of the second wave of the [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010|Vivian Gee e-mails]], Chris's spending in early 2010 is impressive. Despite being supposedly put on a strict budget by his father at the time (in order to pay down debts created by his earlier PSN spending), he still managed to spend around $100 or more a month.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
|-
| February 2010
| '''$130.00
| July 2009
| '''$80.00
| December 2008
| '''$150.00
| May 2008
| '''$90.00
| October 2007
| '''$55.00
|-
| January 2010
| '''$90.00
| June 2009
| '''$170.00
| November 2008
| '''$110.00
| April 2008
| '''$16.02
| September 2007
| '''$35.00
|-
| December 2009
| '''$234.29
| May 2009
| '''$135.00
| October 2008
| '''$90.07
| March 2008
| '''$20.00
| August 2007
| '''$65.00
|-
| November 2009
| '''$215.00
| April 2009
| '''$225.00
| September 2008
| '''$90.00
| February 2008
| '''$20.00
| July 2007
| '''$25.00
|-
| October 2009
| '''$268.41
| March 2009
| '''$210.00
| August 2008
| '''$85.00
| January 2008
| '''$75.00
| June 2007
| '''$10.00
|-
| September 2009
| '''$132.36
| February 2009
| '''$125.00
| July 2008
| '''$120.00
| December 2007
| '''$25.00
| May 2007
| '''$35.00
|-
| August 2009
| '''$50.00
| January 2009
| '''$90.00
| June 2008
| '''$30.00
| November 2007
| '''$30.00
| April 2007
| '''$25.00
|}
[[File:Cwc spending.png|150px|thumb|right|A graph of his spending between April 07 and Feb 10. Source: [[CWC PSN Spending R script]] ]]

=== Trophies ===
According to the [https://www.playstation.com/en-us/my/public-trophies/?onlinename=Sonichu PSN profile for Sonichu], as of 29 [[January 2016]], Chris has 3,724 trophies. ''Note: Availability of Sonichu's trophy information is dependent on the proper functioning of the PlayStation Network. Information is not updated in real time.''

Games with over 50% progress include:

{| class="wikitable sortable"
|-
!align="left"|Game
!align="left"|Trophies
!align="left"|Progress
!align="left"|Comments
|-
| ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''
| 70
| 100%
| And he still can't coordinate his jumps, or design a good level.
|-
| ''[[ModNation Racers]]''
|[[Chris and Sex|69]]
|100%
|A driving game that Chris is terrible at. The levels that he has made so far are simply bad, and he racks up a fairly consistent .200 winning average.
|-
| ''[[LittleBigPlanet|LittleBigPlanet 2]]''
|65
|100%
|The game that made his [[Autism Tutorial]] possible.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Back to the Future: The Game|Back to the Future: The Game]]''
|60
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale|PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale]]''
| 56
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:InFamous|inFamous]]''
| 50
| 100%
| A man dressed in yellow that shoots electricity? [[Sonichu (character)|Hmmmmm...]]
|-
| ''Sonic Generations''
| 50
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Skylanders Giants|Skylanders Giants]]''
| 46
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[Kacey Call 8|Hannah Montana: The Movie]]''
|43
|100%
|[[Homos|No comment]].
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Skylanders:_Spyro's_Adventure|Skylanders Spyro's Adventure]]''
|38
|100%
|
|-
| ''Blue Toad Murder Files: The Mysteries of Little Riddle''
|37
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Ratchet & Clank: A Crack in Time|Ratchet & Clank: A Crack in Time]]''
| 37
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:God of War: Ascension|God of War: Ascension]]''
| 36
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[God of War]] III''
|36
|100%
| All that blood and gore couldn't stop Chris from grabbing all the trophies and deity boobies.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sly Cooper#The Sly Collection|Sly 1]]''
|36
|100%
| Furries galore.
|-
| ''Sly 2''
|36
|100%
|
|-
| ''Sly 3''
|36
|100%
|
|-
| ''God of War II''
|35
|100%
| From the ''God of War Collection''.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Ratchet & Clank 2|Ratchet & Clank 2]]''
| 35
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection|Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection]]''
| 35
| 100%
| Another case of redundancy for most of the included games, especially the ''Sonic'' ones.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Ratchet & Clank 3: Up Your Arsenal|Ratchet & Clank 3: Up Your Arsenal]]
| 33
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Midway Arcade Origins|Midway Arcade Origins]]''
| 32
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Ratchet: Deadlocked|Ratchet: Deadlocked]]''
| 31
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Cuboid (video game)|Cuboid]]''
| 24
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Stacking (video game)|Stacking]]''
| 21
| 100%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Costume Quest|Costume Quest]]''
| 17
| 100%
| Made by the same people who made ''[[wikipedia:Brütal Legend|Brütal Legend]]''.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Linger In Shadows|Linger In Shadows]]''
| 16
| 100%
| A demoscene production. Not remarkable. Most people already had 1,000 gamerscore in ''[[wikipedia:Second Reality|Second Reality]]''. In 1993.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic Adventure|Sonic Adventure]]''
| 15
| 100%
|
|-
| ''SBCG4AP Episode 4: Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective''
| 15
| 100%
|
|-
| ''SBCG4AP Episode 3: Baddest of the Bands''
| 15
| 100%
|
|-
| ''SBCG4AP Episode 2: Strong Badia the Free''
| 15
| 100%
|
|-
| ''Sackboy's Prehistoric Moves''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People|SBCG4AP Episode 5: 8-Bit Is Enough]]''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''SBCG4AP Episode 1: Homestar Ruiner''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Flower_(video_game)|Flower]]''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sam_%26_Max:_The_Devil%27s_Playhouse|Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse]] - Episode 1: The Penal Zone''
| 13
| 100%
|
|-
| [[PS Vita|''Welcome Park'']]
| 13
| 100%
| A Vita tutorial.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Wheel_of_Fortune_(video_game)|Wheel of Fortune]]''
| 13
| 100%
| Truly, the apex of hi-def gaming.
|-
| ''Back to the Future - Episode 1: It's About Time''
| 12
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Gunstar_Heroes|Gunstar Heroes]]''
| 12
| 100%
| Chris may have gotten 100% in ''Gunstar Heroes'', but in reality, he's a total zero.
|-
|''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 2: The Tomb of Sammun Mak''
| 12
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic the Fighters|Sonic the Fighters]]''
|12
|100%
| A fairly short fighting game that can generally be beaten in under 12 minutes.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode I|Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode I]]''
| 12
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]] 2''
| 12
| 100%
| [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|"...Christian's father says it only takes a few hours for him to master an electronic game and then...''move onto another!''"]]
|-
| ''Sonic the Hedgehog''
| 12
| 100%
| Of course.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Buzz!|Buzz!]] Junior: Monsters''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
| ''Buzz! Junior: RoboJam''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:NAMCO MUSEUM ESSENTIALS|NAMCO MUSEUM ESSENTIALS]]''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
|''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 4: Beyond the Alley of the Dolls''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:.detuned|.detuned]]''
| 10
| 100%
| Another demoscene production. Again, we'd allege that Chris wouldn't get too far in Farbrausch's more famous interactive entertainment prod ''.kkrieger'' - not to even mention the largely .famous ''.the .product'', dammit!
|-
| ''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 3: They Stole Max's Brain!''
| 10
| 100%
|
|-
| ''Sly Minigames''
| 8
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Mainichi Issho|Mainichi Issho]]''
| 7
| 100%
| A Japan-only release. Apparently just like ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', only more boring and even bigger of a grind fest.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Frogger_Returns|Frogger Returns]]''
| 4
| 100%
| ''100!!!''...oh, it's 4 trophies for 4 levels.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Skylanders SWAP Force|Skylanders SWAP Force]]''
| 40
| 94%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Burnout_Paradise|Burnout Paradise]]''
| 93
| 91%
| It has cars. They can be driven. Yes, this is a highly-acclaimed title, but Chris believes it's comparable to that of ''The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time''.<ref>''[[Brutal Legend Plus]]''</ref>
|-
| ''Sonic CD''
| 11
| 90%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Braid_(video_game)|Braid]]''
| 11
| 89%
| A game about a man who alters [[Time Void|time]] to rescue his [[sweetheart]]. However, it's worth noting that ''Braid'' is a puzzle game, and not a simple one to play either, yet he still fully completed the game. This is perhaps the most definite proof that Chris isn't mentally retarded (or, at least, he knows how to use GameFAQs).
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Treasures of Montezuma Blitz|Treasures of Montezuma Blitz]]''
| 13
| 85%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Tetris|Tetris]]''
|9
|85%
|
|-
| ''[[LEGO]] [[wikipedia:The LEGO Movie Video Game|Movie - Videogame]]''
| 49
| 82%
|
|-
| ''God of War''
| 33
| 82%
| Most of the trophies are earned by progressing through the game normally. The trophies he lacks are the ones that require you to complete actual challenges or completing the game in under five hours.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Duke Nukem Forever|Duke Nukem Forever]]''
| 63
| 80%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Heavy_rain|Heavy Rain]]''
| 53
| 80%
|
|-
| ''God of War: Chains of Olympus''
| 32
| 80%
|
|-
| ''[[Wikipedia:Table Top Tanks|Table Top Tanks]]''
| 5
| 80%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Skylanders: Trap Team|Skylanders: Trap Team]]''
| 47
| 78%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Ratchet & Clank: All 4 One|Ratchet & Clank 4 One]]''
| 45
| 77%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Band Hero|Band Hero]]''
| 35
| 77%
| A pop music version of ''Guitar Hero''.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Rock Band Blitz|Rock Band Blitz]]''
| 18
| 76%
|
|-
| ''The Price is Right''
| 11
| 76%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic_unleashed|Sonic Unleashed]]''
| 37
| 75%
| Due to the trophy data not visible to the public and people reporting hearsay as fact, a lot of people were under the assumption that Chris had 100% of the trophies in ''Sonic 2006'' (which doesn't even have trophies). Now, we're equally perplexed by the fact that Chris has ''only'' 75% of trophies in a bona-fide 3D ''Sonic'' title.
|-
| ''[[Brutal Legend Plus|Brütal Legend]]''
| 46
| 74%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Splatterhouse_(2010_video_game)|Splatterhouse]]''
| 43
| 72%
|
|-
| ''[[LittleBigPlanet|LittleBigPlanet 3]]''
| 38
| 71%
|
|-
| ''God of War: Ghost of Sparta''
| 31
| 71%
|
|-
|''[[LEGO]] Batman 2: DC Super Heroes''
| 27
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Penny_Arcade_Adventures|Penny Arcade Adventures]]: OtRSPoD, Episode One''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''Penny Arcade Adventures: OtRSPoD, Episode Two''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Numblast|NUMBLAST]]''
| 10
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Papo & Yo|Papo & Yo]]''
| 10
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Noby_Noby_Boy|Noby Noby Boy]]''
| 9
| 71%
|
|-
|''[[wikipedia:Space Ace|Space Ace]]''
| 7
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Rock of the Dead|Rock of the Dead]]''
| 21
| 66%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:PlayStation Home|PlayStation Home]]''
| 13
| 66%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing|Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing]]''
| 36
| 62%
| ''Sonic Kart'' couldn't hold his interest long enough for a platinum trophy. No Sonichu? Back to ''ModNation''.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Tomb Raider (2013)|Tomb Raider]]''
| 51
| 61%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:UDraw_GameTablet#uDraw_Studio_Instant_Artist|uDraw Studio]] - Instant Artist''
| 28
| 61%
|
|-
| ''Buzz!: Quiz TV''
| 16
| 61%
| The first of the ''Buzz!'' games to appear on PS3. See also Chris's [[Quizzes]] for his MyBUZZ! stuff.
|-
| ''[[Wikipedia:Uncharted: Golden Abyss|Uncharted: Golden Abyss]]''
| 38
| 60%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:LittleBigPlanet Karting|LittleBigPlanet Karting]]''
| 45
| 58%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Spelunker HD|Spelunker HD]]''
| 31
| 58%
|
|-
| ''[[Emily_Date_Conversation_Transcript#Meet_the_Pickle_.2801:21:44_-_01:25:29.29|Watchmen: The End is Nigh]]''
| 8
| 57%
| "Meeting with Chris-chan left [[Semen|bad taste]] in mouth. He is [[Tugboat|pampered]] and [[Tomgirl|decadent]], [[Chris and hypocrisy|betraying]] even his shallow, liberal affections. Possibly [[homos]]exual? Must remember to [[Kick the Autistic|investigate further]]."
|-
| ''[[Transformers|Transformers: War for Cybertron]]''
| 34
| 55%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Rock Band|Rock Band: Classic Rock]]''
| 12
| 55%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:The House of the Dead 4|The House of the Dead 4]]''
| 15
| 52%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Pure Chess|Pure Chess]]''
| 10
| 52%
| 10 of 13 trophies? Oh wait, only three trophies require any real skill.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Uno_(video_game)|Uno]]''
| 10
| 52%
| Chris probably bought it in hopes that it was like the [[HEXBox|Xbox Live Arcade]] version. Forgotten about when he realized that was not the case.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Uncharted: Drake's Fortune|Uncharted: Drake's Fortune]]''
| 26
| 50%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode II|Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode II]]''
| 8
| 50%
|
|}

Comparing to the [[List of Chris's games|list of games he owns]], there was a bunch of them that he hadn't even booted up a single time. There are some games he had touched maybe once and then left to the wayside; for example, all of his ''BioShock'' trophies are from the beginning of the game, and he received all of them on October 23, 2008, over a couple of hours. (The logical conclusion is that the second level of ''BioShock'' will ''blow your mind.'') In public, he also prominently featured games he never really played; the [[PS3 History Level]] shows many games that he touched only a few times (''[[Sonichu's Edge|Mirror's Edge]]'' and ''BioShock'', for example, currently sit at 11% and 9% respectively), and in [[PS3 Tutorial for my fans|the PS3 tutorial]], Chris says he thinks ''PAIN'' is a "fun" game, yet he let it sit at 0%.

===Hacking===
As a result of his online notoriety, his poor choice of passwords, and his innate gullibility, Chris’s PlayStation Network account was hacked or otherwise wrested from his control on multiple occasions. [[BlueSpike]], in his guise as Chris’s sweetheart [[Julie]], was able to convince Chris to break the first fundamental rule of cybersecurity and "share" his password in [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|February 2009]], which was later used as a wedge to control and torment Chris. That summer, [[Jack Thaddeus]] seized the account, resulting in detailed revelations concerning Chris’s insane online spending habits, as well as the video with [[Chris humps his PS3|eight minutes of console humping]].

Chris managed to keep control of his accounts for a surprisingly long time after his run-in with Thaddeus, but his luck ran out on 24 [[February 2010]], thanks to [[Surfshack Tito|a certain Hawaiʻian]].

==Fanboyism==
{{quote|So...good reason to get a PlayStation 3 system… of at least 60 GB or higher! 'Cause, uh, y'know, they have four USB ports, the memory card slots, and able to access the Internet wirelessly. While 40 GB and lower: two USB ports, no memory card slots, and requires an Ethernet cable to connect to the Internet. And...LittleBigPlanet! And as you all know from my sponsorship video, ev— most of the videos I put up on YouTube were spon— were sponsored by Sony, and their PlayStation Eye, and their PlayStation 3.|[[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008|Chris failing to tell us what the "good reason" is.]]}}

{{quote|And yet, at the beginning, during the "Console War", I feel that I have chosen Truly Wise. Sony has truly helped this soul better his life, and many others as well. And with every new update, the PS3 and PSP grow more and more better alongside me. Playstaion isn't just a Station to Play, it's the station to Play and Truly Enrich Yourself. Higher Definition equals Better Points of View. Talking over the Internet from a sancturious comfort is truly an enriching luxury. Now I have put behind me my regrets of Life without Playstation. And with Priceless Experiences, an honest sense of satisfaction. And a more mature winning attitude. Sony's Playstation 3 and Playstation Portable are Truly a place I can call...My Digital HOME. :D Happy Anniversary, Playstation 3; you are Truly the Best Life Upgrade Ever|Chris, fellating the faceless angel of overpriced electronics in [[PS3 History Level]] speech bubbles.}}

Chris pops giant boners for PS3, so much that the [[Spanish|Hispanic]] [[Chris_and_race#Hispanics|community]] would call him a "Sonyer". He makes trolls on /v/ look like mild enthusiasts with his hatred of the [[HEXBox]].

==Molestations and other PS3 damage==
[[Image:Playstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG|thumb|right|[[Son-Chu]] camped outside a Playstation Cave]]

On 24 [[July 2009]], a video of Chris humping his PS3 was leaked. It is generally believed that physically molesting electronics may often shorten their lifespan; hard drives and optical drives are particularly prone to breaking under such physical [[stress]].

On 5 [[May 2010]], Chris [[I Pimp My Ride|posted a video]] in which he bragged about removing a "bug" from his PS3, thanks to a [[white knight]] who tipped him off. While Chris did apparently understand that the component was actually the system's wireless networking antenna, he removed it anyway. It seems to have had no effect on his ability to connect his PS3 to the Internet, indicating that he either uses a wired Ethernet connection or he realized how fucked he was and put it back in place. In any case, he voided his console's warranty...just as planned.

On 27 [[August 2010]], Chris [[Stardate, August 27, 2010|posted a solemn video]] where he explains how he inadvertently formatted his own PS3, erasing over three years of his life. Through repeated abuse (see above), Chris's PS3 was misbehaving, prompting him to contact [[Sony]] tech support. They apparently guided him through an attempt to fix corrupted files on the PS3's hard drive, but he did not succeed and Chris was given a choice to reformat his drive, which he accepted.

In the video, Chris blamed a "misunderstanding" between him and the support representative as the reason why he ended up formatting his drive. His PSN account activity seemed to confirm he had indeed deleted everything.

==Destruction==
[[File:Cameragroup004.jpg|thumb|Trivia: Chris still keeps VHS tapes in the clutter of his [[room]].]]

On 29 [[August 2010]], trolls obtained the [[The MovingFoward videos|MovingForward videos]], where Chris finally put the nail in his life upgrades coffin by beating it up with an edging stone and then running it over with [[Son-Chu]]. In the third video, Chris claimed to have tested his PS3 and confirmed it no longer started up but still "went into standby mode." He then used some scissors to repeatedly stab the console's remains. Trolls also obtained [[The_MovingFoward_videos#Destruction_Gallery|photographs of the console]] in various states of destruction.

The next day, [[ItIsFinished.MOV|another video]] appeared wherein Chris took the crushed, stabbed, and disassembled parts of his PS3, laid them out in his driveway, and ran them over with his car again for good measure.

Leaked [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|e-mails]] later revealed that Chris's motivations were twofold. Chris destroyed his beloved life upgrade in an attempt to cash in on a [[Trollin Train|troll-proffered]] reward of $9,001, as well as in hopes of satisfying his sweetheart of the moment, [[Jackie]]. However, to the surprise of none, he didn't think through this idea very clearly. He destroyed nearly $5,000 in his greed, never received the reward that he'd hoped for, and never got to first base with Jackie, either.

== The rebirth ==
[[File:PStriple.png|thumb|And on the seventh day, it rose again.]]

By 6 [[September 2010]], only ''days'' after killing his life upgrade, it was resurrected, [[monthly tugboat|with your help]]. Chris had claimed in his exchanges with Tito and Clyde that he would never buy another PS3, probably an attempt to convince the two. Chris told [[Jackie]] that he experienced something similar to drug withdrawal after a few days without his beloved PSTriple: "Post-Destruction, two days later, I started feeling impulsive and tense from its absence."<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7|Jackie Chat #7]]</ref>

Interestingly, Chris's new PS3 still uses the original case design, even though the larger PS3s had been discontinued in favor of the newer "slim" model in late 2009. This suggests that the replacement is a second-hand or refurbished model, and may have been chosen so that he could put the custom cover he made for his old PS3 onto it.

== The PS Move of Fail ==
[[Image:ChrisWithPSMove.png|thumb|Chris's PS Move in all its fail.]][[Image:PSN TOMGIRL1-1.jpg|thumb|Tomgirl socializing online.]]

It seems that when Chris purchased his new PS3, he also purchased a [[Wikipedia:Playstation Move|PlayStation Move]]. The PS Move is a derivative by [[Sony]] of [[Nintendo]]'s [[Wii Remote of Fail|Wii Remote]]. Chris, being the lover of all things [[Things Chris has ripped off|TRUE and ORIGINAL]] we've come to know, just had to have one.

Chris seems to have painted the two controllers of his PS Move in typical [[Sonichu]] coloration; the motion controller was painted yellow, while the navigation controller was apparently painted light blue.

The PS Move has made two video appearances so far, in the [[ECV_00001|Cherokee video]] and the [[I put on my Wizard's cloak and magic hat|wizard video]].

Chris later blew forty dollars on the PlayStation Move SharpShooter<ref>[http://blog.us.playstation.com/2010/12/09/new-playstation-move-sharp-shooter-attachment/]</ref>, as seen in the infamous [[Tomgirl pictures]].

==PlayStation Plus==
On 29 [[June 2010]], Sony started PlayStation Plus, a [[Hex Bawx|subscription-based program]] that offers members discounts, free content (until membership expires), and exclusives. Chris, already owning everything there is on PSN, unsurprisingly decided to plunge another $50 into debt for a Plus membership. For $50 per year, Chris can now play "free" rentals of ''Sonic the Hedgehog'' and ''Sonic the Hedgehog 2'', games that he has already bought many times over.

==Other oddities==
Chris appears to keep his PS3 turned on most of the time. In many of the videos, he's left the console idling on the main menu or in-game menus. In Skype logs, [[Julie]] complained to Chris that he is logged on PSN when he's not actually around, which was fairly confusing.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 8|BlueSpike Skype Logs #8]]</ref>

Chris appears to have put at least some of the games he has bought in blue Blu-ray cases instead of keeping them in original retail cases.<ref>Seen, for example, in ''[[Brutal Legend]]''.</ref> He even does so in the ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' advertisement. This peculiar practice is explained in Chris's [[PS3 History Level]]: Chris buys Blu-Ray game cases from eBay and switches them over because "It's THINNER than the Clear Original PS3 Disc Cases; MORE SHELF SPACE for MORE GAMES."

He holds his PS3 controller in many of his videos to turn his PSEye on and off, such as in [[I Got A Fish]].

==See also==
* [[PlayStation 4]] - The life upgrade... upgraded.
* [[Chris-chan Discusses...]] - A video interview with Chris conducted over the PS3's video chat service.
* [[List of Chris's games]] - Detailing his entire game collection.
* [[List of Chris's PSN video downloads]]
* [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads]]
* [[Pixelated PS3]] - Chris attempts to build one from [[Lego]] and [[Pixelblocks]].
* [[PS3 History Level]]
* [[PSEye]]
* [[PSP of Fail]]
* [[PSN Blogs]] - An archive of Chris's posts.
* [[Sonichu Home Club]] - Because Chris loves Sony so much, he uses their ''Second Life'' ripoff.
* [[Sony]]
* [[Hex Bawx|Xbox 360]] - The kryptonite of Chris's video gaming.
* [[ItIsFinished.MOV]] - GAME OVER.

==References==
<references/>

==External Links ==
* [http://psnprofiles.com/Sonichu Publicly viewable detailed profile]
{{Template:Relics of Fail}}
{{Lists}}
[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Sony]]
[[Category:PS3]]

List of places that have banned Chris

2020-07-30T13:55:39Z

HarryHowler: /* Charlottesville Fashion Square */

{{Protip|Don't be a [[ween]] and contact store management to harass them over having Chris as a customer. Yes, [[The End Games#Management's perspective|people have sadly done that.]]}}
{{quote|Bann has happened again.|[[Chris]], after being banned from [[Mal-Wart|Wal-Mart]] for the third time.<ref>[[CWCki_Forums#Bann_has_happened_again]]</ref>}}

[[Image:BANHAMMER.png|thumb|The weapon of choice.]]

Although he is (at least, physically) a grown adult, [[Chris]] is not above [[Chris and anger|throwing tantrums]] and generally being a nuisance in public places. Because of his obnoxious behavior, Chris has been either temporarily or permanently '''banned''' from many places, physical or not.

==Shops==
===The GAMe PLACe===
{{main|The GAMe PLACe}}

According to [[Daniel Mimms|Mimms]], Chris was banned twice. The first time, which was temporary, was when Chris attempted to take out a box of prizes and badges for the ''[[Pokémon]]'' [[card game]] league without the permission and authorization to do so. [[Michael Snyder]] later wound up permabanning him on 28 August [[2008]], after Chris got confrontational with a [[Niggos|black child]], but even this failed to keep Chris away from the store. Following the events of [[28 October 2011]], Chris was definitively banned by court order from ever re-entering the store, all the way to its shutdown in [[June 2014]].

===Charlottesville Fashion Square===
{{main|Charlottesville Fashion Square}}

Chris was busted four times here, once for [[Love_Quest|loitering]]. The second incident may or may not have been Chris's "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shout upon learning [[Hanna]] was [[troll]]ing him. He was banned for a year, but the ban has since expired. On 28 [[April 2012]], it's revealed he was banned again, this time from arguing with trolls loudly on his phone. He later got banned again, apparently for life, after the [[26 December 2014]] incident. Proving that he failed to learn anything, Chris trespassed at the mall in March 2018, ending up being forced to undertake the [[Therapeutic Docket]] after the mall staff caught him and pressed charges<ref>[[Chris and the Law#2018]]</ref>.

===Walmart===
{{main|Mal-Wart}}

Chris has been kicked out of Walmart on at least four separate occasions. On 23 June [[2005]], the [[Niggos|African-American]] manager of the [[Charlottesville]] store's [[McDonald's]] (depicted as the [[B-Manajerk]] by Chris in the comics) attempted to have Chris arrested for loitering, but his own fast thinking and hiding his Attraction Sign (which got him in trouble in the first place) ended up with him removed from the restaurant for the rest of the day (or so he says). The actual banning came two days later, 25 June, when Chris returned and attempted to loiter again. Both managers for McDonald's and Walmart confronted Chris, but Chris refused to listen to the managers, ran off and nearly ran ''over'' one of them. In late [[2009]], he returned to Walmart, forcing one of the female employees to measure him for a [[sports bra]].

Proving he learns nothing, Chris was again banned in September [[2013]], this time at the recent [[Ruckersville]] location, after vandalizing an Xbox One sign to read "[[HEXbox]] One", according to his [[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Chris Expresses His Outrage for Walmart|Facebook post]] on 6 [[September 2013]]. In the ensuing Facebook posts, he blames almost everyone else but himself for the ban, including [[Michael Snyder]], [[Megan Schroeder]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and even his defense attorney [[Rob Bell]]. A year later, Chris got thrown out of Walmart yet again, after an employee recognized and confronted him. He eventually left, but not before threatening the employee with pepper spray. For reference, this came less than a week after he was arrested for attacking a GameStop employee with mace.

===Target===
{{main|Get-Tar Region}}

On 20 July 2005 (almost a month after Chris's incident over at Walmart), he attempted to loiter at a newly-built Target, intending on [[Obesity|exploiting their free soda refill deal]] while he tried to get boyfriend-free girls. According to [[Emily]], Chris was approached by management and asked to leave, but he refused. When the issue was pressed, he insulted them and forced them to call the cops. When they did, Chris tried to run, forcing them to tackle, hogtie and handcuff him. All this on the store's opening week!

===McDonald's===
Chris was temporarily banned from a [[McDonald's]] in Forest Lakes in [[June 2012]]. He had been loitering in the restaurant to grab newspapers that customers had left behind.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-thoughts-questions.661/page-701#post-2148397</ref> An employee confronted Chris about it and he was ordered to leave, but not before taking two unsolicited photos of people at the restaurant. He then ranted on Facebook about the experience, trying to incite his readers to "throw newspaper in the damn old bitchy, black woman's face!!!".<ref>[[June 2012 Facebook posts#Discriminated at McDonald's]]</ref> According to [[Emily]], he had wanted newspaper for his [[Clover and Snoopy|dogs]] to piss and shit on, because he is too lazy to take them on walks or let them out.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-thoughts-questions.661/page-700#post-2143830</ref>

===GameStop===
Chris had already been banned from the Fashion Square branch of local GameStop for his [[Sonic Boom Protests]] when, on [[26 December 2014]], he came "[[Honor roll|disguised]]" in a pair of ''[[My Little Pony]]'' [[Chris and fashion|novelty sunglasses]], supposedly intending to buy a new ''Skylanders'' figure and some second-hand Wii U games. However, the staff confronted him and were unmoved by his protests that he was there to actually buy stuff rather than vandalize their property. He eventually left, but not before assaulting one of the employees by spraying his can of pink mace at his shirt, [[Chris and the Law|a felony]]. This act resulted in him being arrested.

After Chris was let off with a fine in [[October 2015]], he received a letter, purporting to be from GameStop, informing him that his ban had been upgraded to a statewide one. Chris uploaded [[GameStop is UNFAIR to Everyone; Not Just Me!|a video]] about this on 7 December. However, the statewide ban was later proven to be the work of a troll.<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/fb-12-7-chris-decries-gamestops-discrimination-against-battletoads.15158/page-10#post-1135462</ref>

===Best Buy===
Chris was caught attempting to shoplift video games at Best Buy<ref>[[Best Buy#Attempted shoplifting]]</ref> in early 2014.

According to Chris, he was formally notified that he was banned from Best Buy a few days after 28 December 2014, when he was released from jail due to the GameStop pepper spray incident.

He stated in November 2015 that he believed he was banned as part of a conspiracy master-minded by the [[Yellow-Shirted Foe]], who he thought was working at both GameStop and Best Buy.<ref>[[Group Embargo on GameStop, Best Buy, and Simon Shopping Centers]]</ref>

{{quotebox|To make this, to make that story short, a few days after I got out of jail on December 28th, 2014, and I had absolutely no pepper spray on my person whatsoever, because as I had mentioned earlier, I had emptied the canister and disposed of the can-, canister. I had done nothing at the Best Buy prior to that day. And a certain manager spokes the living crap outta me, tellin’ me I was not welcome there, that I was banned from there. I had asked why. He did not give me any answer. Then I reached into my bag to get some money out, little funds to see if I could pay my way out of this. I had not said anything about the pepper spray whatsoever, but I put my hand in the bag, and his subordinate shouts, ‘He’s going for the pepper spray!’ I stopped in surprise after hearing that. Ultimately, I left the store. I had gone there again months later to be met with the same shpiel, and no answer to why. I even went over dere head, on the telephone, to try to resolve it. Nothing.

Then last Tuesday, November 10th, I went there once again to buy LEGO Dimensions Pack with a ten-dollar certificate. I got met in the back of the store with the shpiel once again, and this time I asked why and I finally got the answer. They said that I, quote, threatened them with pepper spray, and we have video footage, unquote. But again, that first time they said anything about me not being welcome there, I had not, nor ever, threatened anyone at that store. Nor had I any pepper spray on any of my visits there, then, and prior.}}

On 2 October 2016, he re-affirmed that he was still banned.<ref>[[October 2016 Facebook posts#Still banned from Best Buy]]</ref>

===The End Games===
{{main|The End Games}}
Chris posted to his Pokémon club's Facebook page on 20 March 2018, pleading to be let back into the shop. The End Games confirmed his ban on 29 March. It was a result of arguing with management over whether [[Sonichu]] counted as a [[Pokémon]]. Two years later on [[January 2020]], The End Games Twitter page blocked Chris's account after he demanded the shop to unban him so he can learn to play ''Dungeons & Dragons''.

===Anytime Fitness===
{{main|Anytime Fitness}}
Chris was at this gym for a short time in 2018 before getting the boot for being [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|gassy]] and [[Fangs|burping]] a lot, as well as weens calling up the gym to harass management over Chris.

===Papa John's (delivery only)===

On 5 [[August 2019]], Chris [[August 2019 social media posts#Chris caused a fender-bender and kicked a cop car; discovers he's blacklisted from Papa Johns|reported]] that the Papa John's in Charlottesville refused to deliver pizza to the Chandlers' at [[14 Branchland Court]], due to [[trolls]] and [[weens]] frequently prank-calling the establishment and posing as Chris over many years. Chris only found out about the partial ban after driving to the place to find out why their orders were being cancelled. Chris is still able to order pizza in person.

==Websites==
===PlayStation Network===
{{main|PSN blogs}}

Chris has gotten at least one temporary ban from the PlayStation Network's social networking features, as a result of making [[death threats]] to [[Adam Stackhouse]] and several others in one of his blog entries during [[August 2007]], over Adam's beating him in the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]] through what Chris incorrectly claimed was a violation of the rules. One of the site's moderators ordered Chris to remove the blog entry, and when Chris responded by telling the moderator to "SHUT UP AND GO READ THE OFFICIAL RULES!!!!", he found himself being slapped with a ban lasting approximately a month.

===deviantART===
{{main|deviantART}}

Chris has been banned twice from deviantART. Both times were for a reason that you can probably guess right off the bat: sexual imagery without even bothering to use the proper mature content filters. The first time was around [[May 2009]], most likely due to the imagery from [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]; the second was August 28, 2009, due to the infamous cameltoe scene in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] and the sex scene between [[Blake]] and [[Bubbles Rosechu]] in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].

===YouTube===
{{main|YouTube}}
Chris abandoned many of his accounts after troll attacks. One of his accounts, CChanSonichu, was suspended because of [[The July 10th Messages|three insulting videos]] he posted in tandem on 10 [[July 2009]].

On 23 [[July 2016]], Chris [[July 2016 Facebook posts#2 Strikes on Youtube|posted]] that YouTube had tempa-banned his CwcvilleGuardian account from uploading videos. Chris believed that the ban was due to his use of the "F word". In reality, YouTube had banned him for violating its policy on "nudity or sexual content", after his channel received two strikes against it – one for [[IMG 3207]] and another for [[Paid Video Requests#Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies|Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies]]. Chris was unaware of the length of his ban, even though Kiwi Farms readers quickly determined that it was for two weeks.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/fb-7-23-chris-has-another-strike-against-him-from-youtube.22787/page-3#post-1621754</ref>

On 26 July, he circumvented the ban by [[Paid Video Request Reminder|uploading to another account]].

What's curious about this is technically you're not allowed to create another YouTube account after your previous channel has been suspended, though it's possible that Chris made another Google account and since he didn't re-upload any of his old stuff, he was able to continue having a YouTube account.

===Wikipedia===
{{main|Wikipedia}}

On 1 May 2009, Chris created an account on Wikipedia, hoping to show his side to his life story, one that wasn't "smeared" by trolls. It was deleted soon afterward for violating Wikipedia's policy on userpages and notability. When he attempted to contest this course of action, his user account was indefinitely blocked (although the blocking admin actually believed it to be a [[wikipedia:Sockpuppet (Internet)|sockpuppet]] of a troll and not the genuine article). As of now, the article name "Christian Weston Chandler" has been "salted" to prevent it from ever being recreated.

===Flipnote Hatena===
{{main|Flipnote Hatena}}

After uploading and re-uploading numerous Flipnotes that violated the rules of the family-friendly Flipnote Hatena site, the moderators banned him permanently from uploading Flipnotes on the 2nd of [[July 2010]]. Chris has since evaded his ban. Flipnote Studio 3D was later released in [[February 2015]] after Flipnote Hatena shut down on the 31st of [[May 2013]]. Only time will tell if Chris manages to get banned from that as well.

===eBay (as a seller only)===

{{main|Original Sonichu and Rosechu Drawing}}

Chris has attempted to sell the [[Original Sonichu and Rosechu Drawing]] on [[eBay]] since 1 [[June 2014]]. Time and again, however, the listing for the picture was taken down, either as a result of troll involvement, the listing expiring (the asking price of thousands of dollars not helping in that respect), or in true Chris fashion, breaking the terms of services on eBay by asking for offers on Facebook. This would culminate in a 3-day ban from eBay on June 8th, 2014. Chris, being incapable of taking "no" for an answer, stated his intention to put the picture back up for sale again the minute the ban expires.

On 12 June, Chris reposted the listing, only for eBay to give him ''another'' ban. When his second ban expired, he reposted a heavily-edited version of the posting, although still possible violating several of eBay's terms again. A third strike against Chris's tarnished eBay name is expected. Only time will tell if the world's largest online vendor will be added to the list of places that kicks Chris out and never lets him back in.

Around [[September 2014]], a guy named "Mr. Smith" decided to order one of Chris's mass-market [[medallion]]s, thinking that it would take 2 weeks to ship, not to ''create'' the medallion itself. After 2 weeks passed by with the medallion still not arrived, he filed a case to eBay, thus freezing Chris's PayPal. This ''really'' got Chris's [[duck]] in a twist, and led to a complicated series of events that later ended in eBay refunding Mr. Smith.

On [[June 2019]], Chris was banned from selling on eBay due to customer complaints on his failure to ship out orders.<ref>[[:File:Chrisebayblocked.png]]</ref>

===Sega Customer Service===
{{main|Sonic Boom Protests}}

GameStop is not the only place Chris is banned from for raging over ''Sonic Boom''. On 12 [[December 2014]], Chris sent Sega Customer Service an angry e-mail that raged over ''Sonic Boom'' and told them to recall ''anything'' with Sonic's blarms on it or else. Later in the day or the day after that, Sega banned his Customer Service account from the service.

===Facebook===
{{main|Facebook}}

On 3 [[July 2015]], Chris's Facebook account was taken down very briefly. While it is currently unknown why this occurred, it can likely be chalked up to Chris bending the rules of the website as per usual. These include screenshots of sexting, pictures of lizards mating, his omnipresent death threats to Sega, and linking to a Wikipedia article about tribadism with a sexual image as a thumbnail. The last straw was when he uploaded a drawing called "Pink Lemonade", which featuring Chris being showered with pink lemonade (or, as [[Kim Wilson]] interpreted it, period blood) from a pitcher pouring it through a [[china]]-shaped lemon, and bragging about how "It will be on Long enough for all to enjoy a glass." It's beyond surprising that Facebook was able to keep up with Chris's shenanigans for 4 years before taking it down for the 3rd time. His account was then put back up the same day, proving that Chris is the ultimate bullet-dodger.

However, it seems he hasn't got off quite yet, as a recent picture he posted of his [[manboobs]] on 9 July was surprisingly taken down due to reports, which is the first time Chris has had a photo taken down on Facebook. He then reposted it, leading to his account getting deactivated the second time this month. It was then put back up, then closed yet again, and ''then'' put back up. It seems that this might be where it continues on, but with Facebook taking down a post that asked Chris's followers to fund him a prosthetic china in [[September 2015]], only time will tell.

On 29 [[November 2014]], the makers of the [[Keep Sonic Original]] page banned Chris from the group after a post was made containing death threats to Sega. Also, on 4 [[October 2015]], Chris got booted off the Amiibo Trade & Collectors page for hostile posts and making Amiibos out of original characters.

On 15 [[November 2016]], Chris [[I Tweet AND Post Simultaneously|announced]] that Facebook had temporarily banned him from posting for a week, due to his repeated death threats against [[Donald Trump]] on that platform.

===Lulu===
{{main|Lulu}}

In [[December 2015]], Chris got his account suspended from literature hosting website [[Lulu]]. The website doesn't allow authors to publish fanfiction or stories based on copyrighted characters and/or properties from other creators. Given that Chris used the website to publish copies of ''Sonichu'', you can guess how this turned out. He later made an alternate account on Lulu, in order to keep selling his comics. Even so, Chris decided to [[lie]] to his audience and claim that getting banned from Lulu was the cause of his "creative groove" being "killed".

On 9 February 2018, Chris reopened the account publicly, and it quickly got banned through the efforts of [[A-Logging|A-Logs]] three days later. However, he simply circumvented the ban by making another alt account, proven when he posted a poll on whether his fans would like a copy of [[Bryanfrogboy]]'s CWC Prequel comic with their comic order in March 2018.

===Etsy===
{{main|Etsy}}

Chris's Etsy business seemed to be going pretty well until [[March 2016]], when he bought a new [[PS4]]. The distraction left him ignoring many of his customers orders, often for months. People who bought video greetings from him would be told by Chris mid-video that he hoped the video wouldn't be late. In [[June 2016]], Chris's Etsy page vanished, and he later stated that [[Cwcville Shopping is on Vacation]]. It's likely that Etsy took notice after repeated complaints from his customers and banned him from selling.

===Social media profiles===
{{main|DoopieDoOver|Tabitha St. Germain|LadyOfTheCosmo|Nowacking}}

In August 2017, Chris was blocked by four women he had been following on social media.

Doopie blocked him from her [https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Twitter#Blocks Twitter] and [[Patreon]] accounts after Chris repeatedly kept calling her darling, pledged to her Patreons while begging his fanbase for money, spammed her business e-mail with stories about his day while making clumsy attempts at befriending her, blocked her boyfriend on Twitter and continually refused to get it through his head that Doopie was not interested in being his friend. Weens also interfered by spamming her [https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Twitter#Blocks Twitter] and making fake pledges to her Patreon to view the Rosechu drawing she made for Chris's pledge reward.

Tabitha blocked him from [https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Twitter#Blocks Twitter] due to [[Weening|weens]] replying on his tweets to her, which resulted in her feed being overrun with their spam.

Chris reacted to the blocks by creating [[NightStar2891]], a sockpuppet account. He then tweeted them a hand-written apology letter, calling them "dear" instead of "darling".

Doopie informed him, yet again, that she wasn't going to be his friend, then blocked the sockpuppet.

Tabitha later mentioned that she didn't enact her block because of Chris specifically. Chris, observing her messages via NightStar2891, somehow decided that this gave him leeway to send her a 21-tweet message through that account, trying to befriend her. She blocked the sockpuppet as well.

LadyOfTheCosmo, a friend of Doopie's, blocked Chris on [https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Twitter#Blocks Twitter] after he sent her a tweet referring to her as "dear", then doubled down on using it after she called him out on it being inappropriate.

Nowacking blocked him around 26 August after he replied to her tweets about relationships and a swarm of weens spammed her account with accusations against Chris and telling her to block him. She has not commented on her reason for the block.

==Organizations==

===The Cub Scouts===

Chris stated in part 4 of his [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]] that he was kicked out of the "[[Wikipedia:Cub Scouting (Boy Scouts of America)|Wolf Cub Scouts]]" in the late [[1980s]] because he was autistic. Undoubtedly, it was for something he did that he didn't tell us about. His commentary suggested that he routinely angered his Den Mother with his illogical behavior and that he believed this to be the reason he is banned. In 2014, while on his [[Catie Date Conversation Transcript|date]] with [[Catherine]], he elaborated that he was probably "being outbursting and loud for something," although he couldn't remember. In [[Mailbag 18#Instead the courts were on the side of justice|a Mailbag]], Chris revealed that his parents tried to sue the Boy Scouts of America over this incident.

===Piedmont Virginia Community College===
{{main|Piedmont Virginia Community College}}

Two incidents occurred here. The first occurred on Chris's 21st [[birthday]], 24 February [[2003]]. Chris originally blamed the incident on him having an outburst when he was kicked out of a class after telling a male professor that he, like the main character in a story they were learning about, was autistic. According to [[Emily]], however, it turns out that he was kicked out because of his homophobic tendencies causing him to say something derogatory. In either case, Chris started his [[Love Quest]] this day.

The second incident occurred when, in mid-October [[2003]], Dean of Student Services [[Mary Lee Walsh]] spotted Chris and his [[Attraction Sign]] and took it away, criticizing Chris for his actions, as she believed he was trying to solicit sex on campus. When Walsh destroyed a second sign, Chris [[Chris and anger|raged]] and went on the offensive. This incident lead to her banning Chris for a year, forcing him to see a [[Autism papers|psychiatrist]] and go to anger management classes (neither of which seems to have helped).

On December 2014, Chris would be banned permanently from setting foot in PVCC after his attempt at an "apology letter" to Mary Lee Walsh, which she likely interpreted as the ramblings of an insane individual which she wanted far away from herself and her students.

===Grace Baptist Church===
{{main|Grace Baptist Church}}

Chris was banned from his old church in [[2008]]. He claimed in an email with [[lordsillynipples]], "Pastor John Hartless did not like my views I've expressed in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|my video I did on my 25th Birthday]], and he found the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]] page." Later, in [[Mailbag 14]], he claimed it was because "The pastor did a background check on me, and found images of [[Women's rights|women in bikinis]] on my [[Facebook]]; he was offended." Going by his frequent threats to use his new congregation as a personal army, it is not unlikely that Chris was booted out of the church when he linked his pastor to his ED page in the hope that Mr. Hartless would incite the congregation into raiding the ED page for Chris.

===Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church===
{{main|Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church}}

A [[Other documents#Epistle to the Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|letter]] leaked on 30 March 2013 revealed that some time between [[July 2011]] and [[March 2013]], Chris had earned himself a temporary ban from Wesley Methodist, probably because he had repeatedly (and annoyingly) aired his endless grievances about trolls during the homily.

{{quote|I feel that ever since Reverend Elizabeth Foss left our church, it has greatly gone downhill for me. Ed Winkler Banned me from the church for a month. He has Banned me from Speaking my peace during the Sharing of Joys and Concerns, and from that, I have felt unnecessarily Silenced.|Chris, on how his own church is now playing [[Kick the Autistic]]}}

Chris got into hot water at the church again a few years later. In August 2017, he decided to wear his [[unicorn cosplay]] from [[BronyCon]] to a service, and had to be told to remove them, due to being wildly inappropriate.

===TooManyGames===
{{main|TooManyGames}}

Chris was kicked out of the [[June 2018]] convention on Day 2 as a result of being inappropriately touchy with and kissing attendees. He reacted by curling down on the floor for a good period of time before security took him out.

===Seaquestria Fest===
A [[My Little Pony]] convention held in Ocean City, Maryland in [[May 2020]]. Chris had it on a list of possible cons to travel to,<ref>[[Discord#Possible MLP cons]]</ref> however the convention has him at the top of a preemptive ban list, incidentally above a known [[pedofork]].<ref>https://www.horse-news.org/2020/03/seaquestria-fest-exposing-everything.html</ref>

==See also==
*[[Apology Letters]] (2014)
*[[Unban contracts]] (2016)
*[[Twitter blocks from TF2 Analysis crew]] (2019)
*[[Chris and negotiation]]
*[[Chris and anger]]
*[[Chris and remorse]]

==References==
<references />

{{Lists}}
[[Category:Places]]
[[Category:Lists]]

Mal-Wart

2020-07-27T13:28:20Z

HarryHowler:

{{quote|But I sat silent for a minute, then I said to [[W-M-Manajerk|him]], “I do not speek [''sic''] to any Man other than myself, because [[JERKS|they]] all have taken all the pretty girls leaving me with none.” Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Has]].” I nearly backed up onto him with my [[Son-Chu|car]], and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.|[[CWC's Diary#June 2005|CWC's Diary]], 22 [[June 2005]]}}

'''Mal-Wart''' is [[Chris]]'s spoonerism for [[Wikipedia:Walmart|Walmart]] (formerly referred to as "Wal-Mart") in his [[comic]]s. Chris has been kicked out his two local Mal-Wart stores several times, and remains banned from one of them.

==Chris and Walmart==

===Charlottesville location===
[[Image:Walmart Charlottesville.jpg|thumb|Charlottesville Walmart branch]]

In [[June 2005]] the [[Charlottesville]] Walmart served as an [[Attraction Location]] for Chris's never-ending [[Love Quest]]. Chris would go to the in-store [[McDonald's]], set up his stuff, and wait around for hours.

On 22 June 2005, Chris was confronted by the men he identified as [[B-Manajerk]] and [[Merried Seinor Comic]], who took issue with his [[Attraction Sign]] and called the [[jerkop]]s on him. Chris hid the sign and denied that he had it, but he was banned from entering the Walmart anyway. However, Chris interpreted this to mean he was only banned from the McDonald's he was in at the time.

On 25 June, Chris attempted again to loiter and came into conflict with the B-Manajerk over his [[Pixelblock]] sculptures. The conflict drew the attention of the [[W-M-Manajerk]]. When the Walmart manager attempted to reason with him, Chris ran away, almost hitting the manager with his car. He would later gloat about this.

He would return to Walmart in [[October 2009]], forcing one of the female employees to measure him for a [[sports bra]]. Chris may have resumed shopping at Walmart prior to that, however, as in [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|one of his videos to]] [[Liquid Chris]] earlier in that year, he made a bizarrely out-of-place reference to the store charging $5 for 500 sheets of paper, in a manner that suggested he knew off the top of his head what they charged for paper, even if Chris himself seemed momentarily baffled as to what it had to do with the conversation.

On 3 [[January 2015]], Chris caused a scene at Walmart, closely following his [[26 December 2014|arrest for macing a GameStop employee]]<ref>https://kiwifarms.is/threads/confirmed-chriss-recent-walmart-altercation-updated.6871/</ref>. He had been approached by [[Manajerks]] for trespassing, and he warned them he had pepper spray on hand<ref>https://kiwifarms.is/threads/confirmed-chriss-recent-walmart-altercation-updated.6871/page-27#post-474138</ref>. He left the store before police could be summoned<ref>https://kiwifarms.is/threads/confirmed-chriss-recent-walmart-altercation-updated.6871/page-20#post-473116</ref>. It's unknown what repercussions, if any, were imposed on Chris for this incident, but he was apparently permitted to shop there again.

Chris was spotted at this branch on 2 June 2017, purchasing a fan.<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/CringeAnarchy/comments/6eygtz/spotted_chrischans_chariot_in_the_wild_in/</ref> As is his habit, he parked [[Son-Chu]] in a handicap space.

{{quotebox|he had just gone inside Walmart. Wearing his trademark sonichu medallion and everything.

[[File:Son-Chu at Walmart, 2 June '17.jpeg|150px]]}}

===Ruckersville location===
[[Image:Ruckersville Walmart 2010.jpg|thumb|[[Ruckersville]] Walmart branch]]

A new Walmart location opened in Chris's hometown of [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]]<ref>[http://www.nbc29.com/global/story.asp?s=11501642 Walmart Breaks Ground In Ruckersville]</ref> on 18 [[August 2010]].<ref>[http://walmartstores.com/pressroom/news/10185.aspx Ruckersville Walmart Associates Welcome Customers to New Store]</ref> Prompted by [[Jackie]], Chris applied for work at the new Walmart in [[October 2010]], or at least he said he did.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7]]</ref> To all the evidence, he was not offered a position. Regardless of this, Chris extolled the store and praised it when he passed by in the [[DayOut]] series of videos from the same year.

[[File:Chris 09.jpg|thumb|200px|left|Chris at Mal-Wart on 3 or 4 [[September 2011]].]]

Chris was banned from the Ruckersville Walmart in September [[2013]] after vandalizing an Xbox One sign to read "[[HEXBox|HEXbox]] One" with a permanent marker.<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Chris_Expresses_His_Outrage_for_Walmart]]</ref> Over a year later, an [[Apology Letters‎|apology letter]] written to the store was leaked. In it, he says how inconvenient it is for him to have to go to the [[Get-Tar Region|Target]] instead, and how he would like to be able to shop there again.

On the second of [[October 2016]], Chris wrote a Facebook post criticizing the Walmart's decision to ban him. For some reason he claimed that the ban had occurred five years earlier, despite it actually only having occurred three years and one month earlier, suggesting that Chris may have somehow conflated it with some other incident.

{{quotebox|The of #Ruckersville, #VA, USA, has pressed a ban against me Five Years Ago for a minor misbehavior that was a result from a single bad day. I have personally tried to resolve the matter with a detailed document, and the management has refused to sign it, accepting that he has received and read it in the very least. This Walmart is hereby #Discriminating against the #LGBTQ, as well as people with #[[autism]], and the employees and persecuting management are lowlife corporate Scum, equal to [[Pmurt|#DonaldTrump]]. The #HRC will hear of this posthaste. Stay Away from this Walmart, and do not buy anything from there, as they are uncompassionate, immoral people. Thank you.
<nowiki>**Please Viral this message.

**ALL comments and responses to this post, I will not be reading, and will be ignoring.</nowiki>}}

==References in the comic==
Chris chronicles his expulsion from Walmart in ''[[Sonichu 3#Sub-Episode 4: Christian Chandler in "McAttack"|Sonichu #3, Sub-Episode 4]]''. In Chris's fantasy world, instead of being asked to leave nicely, he is confronted by B-Manajerk and Merried Seinor Comic and instead of whatever verbal exchange that may have actually occurred Chris fights the [[Manajerks]] as Super [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] alongside [[Darkbind Sonichu]]. It's impossible to discern what actually happened, but because of Chris's refusal to leave, or stay away, the Walmart Regional Manager appears on the scene as W-M-Manajerk.

These events are reprinted in ''[[Sonichu 4#Sub-Episode 5: Christian Chandler in "McAttack part 2"|Sonichu #4, Sub-Episode 4 part 2]]'' were the fight between Chris and W-M-Manajerk continues. Chris's interpretation of the events take a huge departure from reality. To battle W-M-Manajerk Chris uses his pixel block [[Heart Torch of Fail|Heart Torch]] to summon his identical twin sister [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal Weston Chandler]] (not to be confused with his future daughter, doubly named [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal Weston Chandler]]). After a bizarre display of super powers and some long, boring speeches, Chris wins and buys Crystal lunch.

B-Manajerk, Merried Seinor Comic and W-M-Manajerk all reappear in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] as part of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]].

==See also==
*[[Get-Tar Region]]
*[[The GAMe PLACe]]

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Places}}
{{CWCverse}}
[[Category:Attraction Locations]]

Get-Tar Region

2020-07-14T21:39:17Z

HarryHowler: /* In Chris's comics */

[[Image:Target Charlottesville.jpg|thumb|200px|The [[Charlottesville]] branch of Target.]]
[[File:TargetCVille.jpg|thumb|200px|Another view of the same store as it appeared in [[April 2015]].]]
On 20 July [[2005]], Chris felt it'd be a great idea to head down to his local '''Target''' mall store and continue his [[Love Quest]]. After being told to leave because he was loitering and disturbing customers, Chris fought back and was eventually restrained, handcuffed at his wrists and ankles, and even worse, cuffed to a wheelchair like a [[slow-in-the-minds|slow-in-the-mind]]. Chris was charged with trespassing and disorderly conduct in the aftermath of the incident, though the state ultimately decided against taking the case to trial.<ref name="2005 Disorderly Conduct">[[:File:20050720-GC05009339-00.png|Disorderly conduct charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref><ref name="2005 Trespassing">[[:File:20050720-GC05009340-00.png|Trespassing charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref>

==In Chris's own words==
Chris described the incident in an entry to [[CWC's Diary]].

{{quotebox|"July 20, [[2005]]: … I was at the new [[Wikipedia:Target Corporation|Target]] store, just hanging around, not bothering anyone. And, from out of the blue, these two [[Manajerks]] asked me to leave, because they said that I was loitering; [[Chris and reality|I was NOT!]] I was there hoping to find an 18-23-year old, Boyfriend-Free girl, like I usually do.

Then, from out of the blue, after I told them off, they came back with two [[Jerkops]]! I was slightly intimidated, but mostly annoyed and ready to strike back on them. They asked me to leave, and never return. I did not want to leave. I would have left peacefully, in fact, I was ready to go, but I had a prepared speech to say to them stupid Jerkops. And, during the middle of my speech, they chased me, pulled my pants, and pinned me to the floor. Five Jerkops dog-piled on me as I struggled to get free. A thousand pounds of [[pickle|sausages]] on my [[obesity|180 pound body]] was seriously a cut-off for my Breathing Flow. They handcuffed my wrists and legs, and they hog-tied me! Not only did I felt humiliated from being the victim, but I was angry at them! Not only for handcuffing me, but once again thwarting my efforts in trying to find a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]].

They drove me to the county jail, but fortunately, they did not keep me there; I was released to my [[Bob Chandler|family]]. But now I have to go to court on July 29 at 9:00 AM at the Albemarle County Courthouse, close to the Downtown Mall.

So now, I feel very miserable, sad, lonely and rejected. And, while I had the handcuffs on me, both my hands, mostly my right, were seriously cut off from blood flow, and they both felt numb. It was terrible. But [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]] and I are going to get back at them in court, in fact, I learned that the Jerkop who arrested me was called [[Bagget]] (that was the only thing about the situation that was hilarious; replace the “B” with an “F,” and you can see how [[Random-access humor|funny]] it was).|[[Christian Weston Chandler]], comic genius}}

==In Chris's comics==
The incident distressed Chris so greatly that he adapted it into Sub-Episodes 7 and 8 of [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]], entitled "Off-Target." "Cleverly" renaming Target as "the '''Get-Tar Region'''" (which causes many newstarters to the series to think Chris is talking about the guitar retail chain [[Wikipedia:Guitar Center|Guitar Center]]), the story seems surprisingly faithful to what really happened that day, at least until the sword-fight and the part where his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|imaginary twin sister]] saves him from a [[Transformers|Transformer]].

What's interesting to note about the story is how Chris betrays himself in his attempt to whitewash the story to make himself the hero. At the beginning of "Off-Target," he all but admits that he plans to use the new locale to sit around all day, using [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]] to fill the singularity inside his gut with its soda, drawing his shit [[comics]], and waiting for tee-totaling Aryan supermodels to show up and bear his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|children]].

{{quote|This is a great set-up.. an open bar facing the path to the exit, a dollar for a drink with free refills, and all the ladies will have to walk by me. I'm bound to be found by a [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend free, 18-23-Year old girl]] now. Especially since this [[Love Quest]] has been going on for about two years now. Toodie-Froodie, drawing comics all day long. [[Excel Saga|Only three days since I skipped my last deadline!]] :)|Christian Weston Chandler, [[Sonichu 4|Sonichu #4]]}}

So by Chris's own admission, his intention was to pay the good people at Target a dollar a day to let him sit in their store and bother female customers until he got laid or [[death|died]], whichever came first. Strangely, the management wasn't really thrilled with this arrangement, and as the comic shows, Chris clearly can't understand why loitering on private property is bad.

Instead of focusing on the Manajerks'/Jerkops' motivations, Chris simply infers that they despise him for being a [[virgin with rage]], and places the most attention on the indignity he suffered from his arrest. Hence, the comic shows Chris being tackled (albeit by a giant robot), "hog-timed" (complete with apple, as if he were about to be rotisseried), and hauled off for trial (by [[Mary Lee Walsh]], in a scene ripped off from ''[[Wikipedia:The Transformers: The Movie|The Transformers: The Movie]]'').

In another example of how selfish Chris really is, he writes [[Barbara Chandler|his own mother]] out of the story, and has Crystal rescue him instead. That's gratitude for you.

The [[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris lies about The Game Place|correspondence with Jackie]] revealed that in the ensuing trial, Chris thought that his work with the [[The GAMe PLACe#Chris the Card Gamer|Pokémon TCG League]] let him off the hook. In reality, the charges were likely dropped due to insufficient evidence, and/or the state just not considering the case to be worth pursuing, due to the comparatively minor nature of the charges and Chris being a first-time offender who could fall back on the [[autism]] card. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting", whereas the actual charges were "Disorderly Conduct" and "Trespassing"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his [[Love Quest]] efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

==The real story==
{{quote|I'm sure you all remember the Target incident. Where he got "hog tied" by the [[jerkop]]s, had his pants pulled down, face rubbed against the carpet and cried a tear of blood? Yeah, about that. First, he was kicked out within a few days to a week of Target opening. That's just sad. When he was approached by management to leave, he ignored them. When they kept pressing, he finally back talked them and called them jerkops. When the cops came, guess what Chris did....[[Chris and the Law|He tried to fucking run.]] Hence why he was hog tied and I'm sure in that struggle his pants just happened to come off.|[[Emily]]}}

==Recent years==
Chris evidently started shopping at Target again an indeterminate amount of time after the incident, either through the store employees agreeing to drop the ban, or just forgetting about it. One of these visits took place on 16 [[November 2014]], as part of his [[Sonic Boom Protests]], where he apparently planned to vandalize any ''Sonic Boom''-related stock that they had. However, he found out that they kept copies of the games in a locked case and, clearly forgetting any lessons learned nine years prior, settled for raging at a couple of employees over the store's decision to stock the games.

[[File:Chris at Target April 2019.jpg|Photographed by an employee during [[April 2019]].|thumb|150px]]
Chris was photographed at a Newport News Target in [[April 2019]] by a fan.<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/bdnxp3/saw_him_at_target_today_wanted_to_say_hi_but_got/</ref> The photo shows a prominent [[Hair|bald spot]] on the back of Chris's head. His mental state also seemed to be in decline based on the fan's account:

{{quote|I walked back by him again as he was in line at the food avenue to get the shitty Pizza Hut pasta and he was just muttering really loudly. Couldn’t make out what he was saying... I kept looking around hoping to see him shopping around but never saw him again...}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image: Chris-Straw.jpg|[[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|Summary of Chris's agenda at the Get-Tar Region.]]
Image: Targetincidentrendition.jpg|An artist's rendition of the target incident.
Image: Chris-Dog-Pile.jpg|The Jerkhief puts his thousand pound [[Duck|sausage]] in Chris.
Image: Chris-Carpet-Burn.jpg|HOG-TIME HIM!
File:Why.jpg|Chris created a [[TSSSF]] card based on the incident 15 years later, depicting it as it happened to [[Chris Chan Sonichu]].
</gallery></center>

==See also==
* [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]]

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Target Corporation|Target Corporation]] at [[Wikipedia]]

== References ==
<references/>

{{Places}}
{{CWCverse}}

[[Category:Attraction Locations]]

Get-Tar Region

2020-07-14T09:48:21Z

HarryHowler: /* Recent years */

[[Image:Target Charlottesville.jpg|thumb|200px|The [[Charlottesville]] branch of Target.]]
[[File:TargetCVille.jpg|thumb|200px|Another view of the same store as it appeared in [[April 2015]].]]
On 20 July [[2005]], Chris felt it'd be a great idea to head down to his local '''Target''' mall store and continue his [[Love Quest]]. After being told to leave because he was loitering and disturbing customers, Chris fought back and was eventually restrained, handcuffed at his wrists and ankles, and even worse, cuffed to a wheelchair like a [[slow-in-the-minds|slow-in-the-mind]]. Chris was charged with trespassing and disorderly conduct in the aftermath of the incident, though the state ultimately decided against taking the case to trial.<ref name="2005 Disorderly Conduct">[[:File:20050720-GC05009339-00.png|Disorderly conduct charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref><ref name="2005 Trespassing">[[:File:20050720-GC05009340-00.png|Trespassing charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref>

==In Chris's own words==
Chris described the incident in an entry to [[CWC's Diary]].

{{quotebox|"July 20, [[2005]]: … I was at the new [[Wikipedia:Target Corporation|Target]] store, just hanging around, not bothering anyone. And, from out of the blue, these two [[Manajerks]] asked me to leave, because they said that I was loitering; [[Chris and reality|I was NOT!]] I was there hoping to find an 18-23-year old, Boyfriend-Free girl, like I usually do.

Then, from out of the blue, after I told them off, they came back with two [[Jerkops]]! I was slightly intimidated, but mostly annoyed and ready to strike back on them. They asked me to leave, and never return. I did not want to leave. I would have left peacefully, in fact, I was ready to go, but I had a prepared speech to say to them stupid Jerkops. And, during the middle of my speech, they chased me, pulled my pants, and pinned me to the floor. Five Jerkops dog-piled on me as I struggled to get free. A thousand pounds of [[pickle|sausages]] on my [[obesity|180 pound body]] was seriously a cut-off for my Breathing Flow. They handcuffed my wrists and legs, and they hog-tied me! Not only did I felt humiliated from being the victim, but I was angry at them! Not only for handcuffing me, but once again thwarting my efforts in trying to find a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]].

They drove me to the county jail, but fortunately, they did not keep me there; I was released to my [[Bob Chandler|family]]. But now I have to go to court on July 29 at 9:00 AM at the Albemarle County Courthouse, close to the Downtown Mall.

So now, I feel very miserable, sad, lonely and rejected. And, while I had the handcuffs on me, both my hands, mostly my right, were seriously cut off from blood flow, and they both felt numb. It was terrible. But [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]] and I are going to get back at them in court, in fact, I learned that the Jerkop who arrested me was called [[Bagget]] (that was the only thing about the situation that was hilarious; replace the “B” with an “F,” and you can see how [[Random-access humor|funny]] it was).|[[Christian Weston Chandler]], comic genius}}

==In Chris's comics==
The incident distressed Chris so greatly that he adapted it into Sub-Episodes 7 and 8 of [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]], entitled "Off-Target." "Cleverly" renaming Target as "the '''Get-Tar Region'''" (which causes many newstarters to the series to think Chris is talking about the guitar retail chain [[Wikipedia:Guitar Center|Guitar Center]]), the story seems surprisingly faithful to what really happened that day, at least until the sword-fight and the part where his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|imaginary twin sister]] saves him from a [[Transformers|Transformer]].

What's interesting to note about the story is how Chris betrays himself in his attempt to whitewash the story to make himself the hero. At the beginning of "Off-Target," he all but admits that he plans to use the new locale to sit around all day, using [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]] to fill the singularity inside his gut with its soda, drawing his shit [[comics]], and waiting for tee-totaling Aryan supermodels to show up and bear his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|children]].

{{quote|This is a great set-up.. an open bar facing the path to the exit, a dollar for a drink with free refills, and all the ladies will have to walk by me. I'm bound to be found by a [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend free, 18-23-Year old girl]] now. Especially since this [[Love Quest]] has been going on for about two years now. Toodie-Froodie, drawing comics all day long. [[Excel Saga|Only three days since I skipped my last deadline!]] :)|Christian Weston Chandler, [[Sonichu 4|Sonichu #4]]}}

So by Chris's own admission, his intention was to pay the good people at Target a dollar a day to let him sit in their store and bother female customers until he got laid or [[death|died]], whichever came first. Strangely, the management wasn't really thrilled with this arrangement, and as the comic shows, Chris clearly can't understand why loitering on private property is bad.

Instead of focusing on the Manajerks'/Jerkops' motivations, Chris simply infers that they despise him for being a [[virgin with rage]], and places the most attention on the indignity he suffered from his arrest. Hence, the comic shows Chris being tackled (albeit by a giant robot), "hog-timed" (complete with apple, as if he were about to be rotisseried), and hauled off for trial (by [[Mary Lee Walsh]], in a scene ripped off from ''[[Wikipedia:The Transformers: The Movie|The Transformers: The Movie]]'').

In another example of how selfish Chris really is, he writes [[Barbara Chandler|his own mother]] out of the story, and has Crystal rescue him instead. That's gratitude for you.

The [[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris lies about The Game Place|correspondence with Jackie]] revealed that in the ensuing trial, Chris thought that his work with the [[The GAMe PLACe#Chris the Card Gamer|Pokémon TCG League]] let him off the hook. In reality, the charges were likely dropped either due to insufficient evidence, the state just not feeling the case was worth pursuing, or realizing that Chris would likely just pull the [[autism]] card and get off with minimal punishment. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting", whereas the actual charges were "Disorderly Conduct" and "Trespassing"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his [[Love Quest]] efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

==The real story==
{{quote|I'm sure you all remember the Target incident. Where he got "hog tied" by the [[jerkop]]s, had his pants pulled down, face rubbed against the carpet and cried a tear of blood? Yeah, about that. First, he was kicked out within a few days to a week of Target opening. That's just sad. When he was approached by management to leave, he ignored them. When they kept pressing, he finally back talked them and called them jerkops. When the cops came, guess what Chris did....[[Chris and the Law|He tried to fucking run.]] Hence why he was hog tied and I'm sure in that struggle his pants just happened to come off.|[[Emily]]}}

==Recent years==
Chris evidently started shopping at Target again an indeterminate amount of time after the incident, either through the store employees agreeing to drop the ban, or just forgetting about it. One of these visits took place on 16 [[November 2014]], as part of his [[Sonic Boom Protests]], where he apparently planned to vandalize any ''Sonic Boom''-related stock that they had. However, he found out that they kept copies of the games in a locked case and, clearly forgetting any lessons learned nine years prior, settled for raging at a couple of employees over the store's decision to stock the games.

[[File:Chris at Target April 2019.jpg|Photographed by an employee during [[April 2019]].|thumb|150px]]
Chris was photographed at a Newport News Target in [[April 2019]] by a fan.<ref>https://www.reddit.com/r/ChrisChanSonichu/comments/bdnxp3/saw_him_at_target_today_wanted_to_say_hi_but_got/</ref> The photo shows a prominent [[Hair|bald spot]] on the back of Chris's head. His mental state also seemed to be in decline based on the fan's account:

{{quote|I walked back by him again as he was in line at the food avenue to get the shitty Pizza Hut pasta and he was just muttering really loudly. Couldn’t make out what he was saying... I kept looking around hoping to see him shopping around but never saw him again...}}

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image: Chris-Straw.jpg|[[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|Summary of Chris's agenda at the Get-Tar Region.]]
Image: Targetincidentrendition.jpg|An artist's rendition of the target incident.
Image: Chris-Dog-Pile.jpg|The Jerkhief puts his thousand pound [[Duck|sausage]] in Chris.
Image: Chris-Carpet-Burn.jpg|HOG-TIME HIM!
File:Why.jpg|Chris created a [[TSSSF]] card based on the incident 15 years later, depicting it as it happened to [[Chris Chan Sonichu]].
</gallery></center>

==See also==
* [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]]

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Target Corporation|Target Corporation]] at [[Wikipedia]]

== References ==
<references/>

{{Places}}
{{CWCverse}}

[[Category:Attraction Locations]]

White knight

2018-08-22T18:37:50Z

HarryHowler: /* Chris's life would still be a disaster even if the trolls never bothered him */

{{Articleofthenow}}
 
[[Image:White knight.jpg|center]]

{{quote|Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?|[[If You Were a Woman and I Was a Man|Bonnie Tyler]], "[[Holding Out for a Hero]]"}}

[[Image:Jack's Knight as William Spicer.jpg|thumb|right|180px|Artist's impression.]]

'''White knight''' is a term used to describe someone who goes on [[the Internet]] to help or defend someone else against other people, out of [[CWC is Sad|pity or compassion]], or for [[China|ulterior motives]]. White knighting of [[Chris]] is especially prevalent because of the sheer volume of abuse he's taken ever since he found his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica ]] page, which in turn is caused by Chris's total unwillingness to heed any of his many white knights.

'''Counter-trolls''' are those who take Chris's side to spite his [[trolls]]. Some do this because trolling one gullible idiot is less satisfying than trolling trolls, who actually have the ability to understand what is going on. Others have decided that Chris has jumped the shark and are trying to make everyone else leave him alone to put a stop to an old meme. Counter-trolls are not to be confused with [[anti-troll]]s, who fight trolls in order to get closer to Chris and troll him themselves.

In the broader internet trolling community, a wide range of people, from neutral observers to even his greatest trolls, are accused of being white knights. This is mostly due to Chris's "fans" discouraging [[Weening]] and [[A-Logging]], acts which, to outside observers, could be misinterpreted as an attempt to reduce trolling. Many of these outside observers are also confused by the tendency of Chris's trolls, including his most [[Vivian Gee|prolific]] [[Clyde Cash|ones]], trying to get him to improve his life, as they don't know Chris well enough to know it's nigh impossible to get him to improve using the "soft touch". So when the label "white knight" gets thrown around, take it with a grain of salt.

A meta-topic within the broader Chris saga has been the merits of attempting to help Chris stop being a lolcow, and whether he is deserving of such assistance, or even beyond help. Once upon a time, the consensus on forums such as the talk page for Chris's ED article, [[/cwc/]], [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]], and [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|#sonichu]] was that Chris's [[racism]], [[Homos|homophobia]], and [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]] made him beneath contempt; and that he has consistently refused to take advice given to him in good faith.

Today, however, Chris's racism and homophobia are slowly ebbing away along with his parents' influence over him, and A-Logging is no longer as fashionable as it once was. Accordingly, nowadays, opinion on the matter is somewhat divided on whether Chris is capable of improvement, although most agree that if Chris is going to improve, it will not be in any large part due to the efforts of third parties because, in the main, he is still too proud and stubborn to accept advice.

Some believe that Chris is improving on his own, albeit slowly and in small increments, as seen in his gradual abandonment of his homophobia, which began with him declaring tolerance for lesbians, which he eventually extended to gay men. Others believe that Chris has not tangibly improved, that he has merely moved sideways, rather than forward. Many of these believe that Chris cannot improve, for example, his [[tugboat]], his public misadventures and the thorough documentation of his sordid dealings online make employment all but an impossibility for Chris. Many more quibble over what can be defined as Chris "improving". Some have proposed that Chris improving need not necessarily mean becoming a functioning adult, which at this stage would be an uphill battle for Chris anyway. Rather, they claim that Chris is improving in that he is happier than he once was. He has found [[Impulse Gay Social Club|a new hangout]] where he stands to improve his social skills and make friends. Moreover, he has finally found a way to cash in on his e-fame, delighted his fanbase by resuming the comics ''and'' made his dreams of a Sonichu media empire a reality, albeit probably on a much smaller scale than he once envisaged.

In any case, the consensus on white knights and counter-trolls has remained somewhat consistent; they are and always have been seen as wasting everyone's time by trolls and Christorians alike, who accordingly have little patience for them.

==Motives==

===Pity===
Following the release of Chris's first [[nudes]] and the [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008|video]] in which he reacted to the loss of his [[medallion]]s and [[Blanca]], many people, including trolls, felt sorry for him. They had not expected it to be possible for him to be trolled so hard or for him to appear so shattered.

===Empathy===
The internet is full of [[autistic]] people, manchildren, and self-absorbed morons. Many of them are right here, fascinated with Chris. All of them see something of themselves in him, whether it's his [[obesity]], his all-consuming need for female companionship, or his fervent belief that his homemade comics matter. A lot of white knights have made at least some of the mistakes Chris has made and have since wised up. They think they can help improve Chris by offering the benefit of their experience.

===Circumstances beyond Chris's control===
Chris fails to identify people, a possible sign of [[Wikipedia:Prosopagnosia|prosopagnosia]]. [[BlueSpike|Julie and her brother Max]] used the same voice, and yet Chris couldn't recognize that they were the same person. Pictures of different women were used to depict Blanca, and yet Chris thought they were the same person. Chris believed that pictures of [[Wikipedia:Megan Fox|Megan Fox]] were of [[Vanessa Hudgens]].<ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 9|Vanessa AIM Chat IX]]</ref> In high school, Chris memorized his appearance in the mirror because he had trouble recognizing himself.<ref>[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] - [http://thedailypos.org/misc/sonichu/Issue%207/SchuComic8Page24.jpg "...I had to train my brain to visually remember what I looked like..."]</ref> Since he's never "updated" his self-image, this is a possible explanation regarding why he denies being fat.

Chris' autism also means that he thinks, and sees the world, in simplistic, binary terms; he cannot easily "read between the lines" or detect sarcasm, or practically any kind of nuance or subtlety. He interprets ''[[Family Guy]]'' as being against homosexuality.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009]]</ref> When 2 male acquaintances exchanged sarcastic homosexual remarks, Chris concluded that they were gay.<ref>Anecdote by [[Mimms]].</ref> It is also thought that his decision to go [[tomgirl]] was at least partially due to him taking advice to "get in touch with his feminine side" literally.

===The trolls are even worse people than Chris===
Another frequently heard line of reasoning is that the trolls have gone way too far, and have demonstrated that they're even worse than Chris, or at least equally pathetic. For example, BlueSpike's sadistic abuse of his control over Chris [[BLUESPIKE#Encyclopedia_Dramatica_Troll_War|outraged even trolls]]. The [[JULAAAY|less sophisticated]] bulk of the trolling was the work of A-Logs and weens, who are frowned upon even by trolls, and rightfully so. And, of course, who really has no life here: Chris, or the people who [[CWCki|obsessively document and debate everything he does]]?

===For the sake of [[Barbara]]'s sanity===
At this point in time it is safe to say that Chris's remaining parent has been just as fatigued as Chris by the actions of trolls. Some argue that Snorlax should not have to suffer for his wrongdoings, and therefore think that Chris should be left alone just so she can enjoy the last few years of her life in peace.

==Reasons against white knighting==
===Chris could have ended the trolling whenever he wanted to, but didn't===
All Chris had to do to end the trolling was to stop responding to it. If he had taken this small step, [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] would've made his ED page and that probably would've been the end of it. The first trolls had nothing personal against Chris; they just decided he was a worthy target after reading his [[Sonichu (comic)|crappy ''Sonichu'' comics]] and seeing him go into a meltdown over his ED page. If he'd quit responding to their provocations and quit posting [[12 October 2009|videos of himself throwing tantrums]] on [[YouTube]], the trolls would have eventually just moved on to someone else. Instead, Chris tried to "fight back" against them, in turn revealing more and more of his personal information, until eventually the trolls knew all of his contact info and all the details of his life.

That was when the trolling went past a point of no return, spilling into Chris' personal life so much that there would be absolutely no way for him to ever disassociate himself from it. Even when he was away from the computer, he would find himself subjected to trolls calling his cell phone, sending him mail, and following him around in public. While the obsessive trolling was nothing less than shitty, the fact still remains that Chris was the one who allowed them to have such control over his life; thanks to him always overreacting to every little provocation and handing over all his personal information to them.

There is also the theory that Chris does things for trolls to mock him merely for the attention.

===Chris lacks empathy himself===
:''See also: [[Chris and death]], [[Autism]] and [[Chris and his Ego]].''
Chris cannot put himself in your shoes or accept that you have been where he is. He has no "theory of mind": if you used to be as shy around women as he is today, in his mind the fact that you aren't shy anymore makes your experience inapplicable to his situation. To Chris, the fact you got over it and he hasn't yet makes the two cases entirely different. He doesn't want to solve his problems by trying what worked for you, he only wants you to pity him for having problems, until he magically dreams up [[Dating education|his own solution]]. In recent years, many have even began to opine that Chris doesn't even ''want'' help; as can be observed in his frequent outbursts on Facebook, what he really wants is to exploit his own misfortune to get pity, attention and gifts. It is also theorized that helping him is pointless because Chris is well-known for always wanting to have his [[Cakefarts|cake]] and eat it. Even if he woke up tomorrow morning and found that all of his dreams had come true, he'd still concoct new grievances.

:'''RocketFox:''' My father died of liver cancer and cirrohosis a day ago ;~; he drank a ton and it hurt him - I'm only 11 and I dunno what to do ;~;
:'''Chris:''' RocketFox, you will soon recover from your father's accident, I guess it is; DO NOT DRINK Alcohol yourself; STAY OFF THAT JUNK.<ref>[[IRC (16 October 2008)]]</ref>

Chris's interpretation of the death of RocketFox's dad as an accident shows that he didn't even bother to look up what cirrhosis is. Immediately after this, he started talking about a sexy dance. And 8 months later, he was filmed enjoying some [[Long Island Iced Tea]].

Chris's reactions to suicide are very telling. After hearing that he caused [[Ryan Cash]] to die, Chris marveled at the fact that he had incited suicide, right after he tried to publicly console [[Clyde Cash]].<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate December 28th, 2008]]</ref> When he heard that he made [[Sarah May]] attempt suicide, his reasons for her to stay alive were "I'd feel terrible" and "I'd just cry."<ref>[[Mumble 8|Mumble #8]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Shout Out to Sarah May]]</ref> When Chris broke up with [[Ivy]], he somehow concocted, in his head, an assumption that she had committed suicide. Even after having lost so many dear friends to suicide, he still had no problems telling Clyde and [[Jack Thaddeus]] to [[death threats|kill themselves]]. People who have had to deal with suicidal people, or have lost relatives or friends to suicide wouldn't exactly find this amusing.

In the [[Common_Questions#22_February_2010|22 February 2010]] edition of the [[CWCipedia]]'s "Common Questions", Chris listed the top ten worst things to have ever happened to him. The deaths of "two True and Good Women who [he] had friendships with," [[PandaHalo]] and [[Sarah Jackson]], ranked seventh. Those tragic events ranked below getting banned from [[The GAMe PLACe]], finding out two people from said store were posting info about him on ED, and having his personal websites hacked.

On 1 [[November 2009]], Chris went as far as to mock '''9/11''' (more on ''that'' video can be found in the "Chris is beyond pity section").

When Rashid Ali Abdul, an Iranian [[fan]], told him that her country's religious authorities sentenced her to death by beheading for reading ''Sonichu'', Chris simply said that he was "sorry" and that the situation was "pitiful".<ref>[[Mailbag 8|Mailbag #8]]</ref>

While some of this can be attributed to Chris's [[autism]], a condition that often results in a lack of empathy, most autistics can at least learn how to express empathy through a combination of carefully reading the emotions of others and thinking about how a situation affects other people, but Chris refuses to seek serious counseling or psychiatric help for this sort of thing, and was clearly given little-to-no help with his autism as he grew up.

===Autism does not excuse a terrible person===
Chris knows he has trouble understanding non-verbal social cues due to his autism,<ref>[[Quizzes#Autism Quiz]]</ref> and yet he still jumps the gun on interpreting other people's intentions all the time.

Autism, in and of itself, does not create a failure as massive as Chris. A majority of autistics manage to get psychiatric help for their problem and/or are able to develop social and emotional skills so they can cope with their disability and lead rewarding and rich lives. While Chris acknowledges he has a problem, he has never done anything more than see the [[Rocky Shoemaker|pastoral counselor]] at his church, who is not a professional trained in the treatment of autism spectrum disorders, and whom he eventually dismissed anyway.<ref>[[Vivian's AIM chat]]</ref>

After he [[26 December 2014|maced a GameStop employee and said it made him feel "badass"]], a deeply concerned troll going by the name Renee tried to convince him to go to see a psychiatrist. In response, Chris took this as a personal insult, and wished "Renee" and her boyfriend a slow demise in a house fire. Not only does this demonstrate that Chris holds his ego in higher esteem than his mental health, but it is also quite staggering that he would wish death in a fire upon someone [[Destruction Of Chris's House|''after he narrowly escaped the same fate'']]. Moreover, it is worth noting that Chris remembered that Renee had told him in the past that she already had a boyfriend. Compare his reaction to this well-meaning request from Renee, to his compliance with more bizarre requests from, say, Jackie. This shows that regardless of who you are or what you want to say, Chris only cares to listen to you if you have a [[china]] and aren't already taken.

Chris is fully capable of understanding the consequences of his actions. He has a sense of morality, even if he often ignores it in favor of his own interests. He has been held accountable for his own actions in a court of law, twice (and rightfully so). His racism and chauvinism have nothing to do with his autism.

===Chris is beyond pity===
[[Image:Chrischantwoface.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's mood is all over the place, even between videos posted shortly after each other. From "[[Happy Sonichu Day|Thank you for your support]]" to "[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|Goddamn womanizing raping...trollin' stupid pickle-suited...'''nigger'''!]]"]]

Chris often reacts to provocation aggressively, which is quite an understandable (if not acceptable) response to trolling. However, "provocation" doesn't necessarily mean harassment or trolling. Merely disagreeing with Chris's opinions, asking him why he does what he does, or as evidenced above, trying to expose him to reality can provoke an attack, up to and including threats of violence and death. When Chris is annoyed, frustrated, or overcome by desire or lust, he's capable of doing [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|''unpleasant'']] things. Moreover, when Chris loses it, he doesn't think of the consequences of his actions at all, and his expressions of outrage are completely out of proportion to the provocation — often more outrageous in themselves than whatever the trolls did. Chris believes that since he is reacting to being "wronged" by someone else, his actions, no matter how extreme they are, are justified.

Chris has [[Yu-Gi-Oh!|insulted young children]] during card games and scared some of them away from [[The GAMe PLACe]]. [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]], who frequented the now-defunct store and knew Chris in real life years before he was discovered by ED, couldn't list any redeeming qualities he possessed.

Chris has sexually harassed [[Megan|two]] [[Catherine|women]] in real life. The former made it explicitly clear to him that his inappropriate touching and comments to her were unacceptable, but he continued anyway, convinced that eventually she would learn to love being molested by a mentally ill manchild and would become his [[sweetheart from the ground-up]]. He ''bragged'' to the latter about how he learned to keep his hands to himself after the fallout with Megan, then faceplanted her breasts.

After Megan cut ties with Chris for uploading [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a drawing of him fingerbanging her]] to his ED page, he did not apologize,<ref name="Megan Saga">[http://encyclopediadramatica.rs/Chris-chan/Megan_Saga Megan Saga]</ref> but rather explained to her (in a terribly [[naïve]] way) how a handjob works, under the misguided assumption that she merely was upset because she didn't recognize the sex act being performed, or in the hope that she would rationalize what he did on this basis. When this failed to placate her, he then had the nerve to say "I am hurting SOOOOO MUCH MORE than you can be."<ref name="Megan Saga"/> Why? Not because of the picture, but because the trolls were being mean to him. Yes, ''[[Ego|him]]''. Based on [[List of Chris's ED edits|his ED edits]], he was more concerned with people thinking he was fingering his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|imaginary twin sister]] than he was with defending Megan's honor.

Years later, Chris would go so far as to totally demonize Megan for rejecting his 'good intentions', posting her address up on his [[Facebook]] profile in the hopes that trolls would find it and punish her for him. On 3 and 4 October 2013, he took this even further, posting [[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Megagi_La_Skunk_agrees_that_you_should_have_never_been_born|an unbelievable multi-part tirade]] about Megan on Facebook, wherein he accused her of being the leader of a vast troll conspiracy against him and claimed to have consorted with a ''[[Chris and reality|fictional]] [[Megagi La Skunk|character]]'' Megan once made for him, who supposedly told Chris that Megan [[Sandy|should never have been born]]. As if this wasn't enough insanity on its own, Chris then went on to claim he had confiscated the [[Sailor Megtune]] superpowers he had given her in the comics, and proceeded to demand that Megan fix his entire life, or else he would sic the spirits of his deceased father and dog on her.

Chris has even started up [[List of Chris's Lies|false]] [[rape]] claims against his [[Bruce Johnson|elementary school principal]]. That alone should warrant anybody to not defend him ever.

After each of his online relationships ends, Chris starts looking for a new [[sweetheart]] right away, ''even if she died''. No matter the setback, his ego just keeps getting bigger.

In mid-July 2009, he addressed a person named [[The July 10th Messages|"SonichuIzCool"]] on YouTube. SonichuIzCool is probably the ''only'' genuine fan of ''Sonichu'' discovered to date, someone who tried to defend Chris and his comic. She was also genuinely mentally disabled. In his YouTube message, Chris called her "naïve and [[slow in the mind]]." He told her she had to "come out where [he] can meet [her]." Another side of this incident is that his YouTube account had been recently hacked, and he had managed to recover it this time, thus avoiding whatever damage the trolls ''might'' have caused. Poetically, after he posted this video, he got his account suspended due to ''his own actions''. SonichuIzCool didn't step down, and responded back with a video that criticized his actions. To date, Chris has never issued a response to that, thus meaning he was dismantled by a slow-in-the-mind.

On 1 November 2009, in his attempt to blackmail Clyde Cash, Chris went so far as to create a YouTube video called [[Twin Falling Towers]], wherein he ''mocks 9/11''. When feeling angry at Clyde Cash, he not only thought it would be a good idea to blackmail him, but used the ''destruction of two skyscrapers full of people after being hit by airliners full of jet fuel and terrorists'' as a metaphor for how weak he thought Clyde was. He even used his mouse cursor as a "plane" and made childish explosion noises. When people got angry, he tried to fix things by turning the World Trade Center towers into [[Cakefarts|cake]] candles. To the best of anyone's knowledge, Chris was never coaxed or encouraged by an outside source to use the Twin Tower images. He came up with this reprehensible idea all on his own.

[[Image:MikesWedding.jpg|thumb|right|Happily forever after.]]

In January 2010, a "fan" named Mike Jackson asked Chris for advice, whether he should [[Mailbag 31#If your kids are 16 or 17, you should watch porn with them|watch pornography with his family]] and [[Mailbag 35#In which Chris advises a father to buy his son whores|buy a prostitute for his son]], Mike Junior, or not. Chris, being such an [[Dating Education|"expert"]], encouraged him to do so. When "Mike" got back to him, the news wasn't good; Mike Jr. ran away with the prostitute, and Mike Sr. begged Chris to make a [[YouTube]] video asking his son to come home. Unfortunately, Chris was under a lot of [[stress]], and could not make the video. Chris was next contacted by Mike's "wife", who told him that after discovering that Mike Jr. had married the prostitute in Las Vegas, Mike Sr. died from a sleeping pill overdose. Chris didn't even give a damn about the obituary linked by Mike's widow, offering her his infamous canned response in lieu of even pretending to give a fuck, then later responded to Mike's son's grief and anger with all of three words: [[Chris and remorse|"I am sorry."]] When called out later, he denied having ever spoken to Mike, much less read his obituary. While this was all obviously trolling, Chris's nonchalant reaction to his hypothetically ruining someone's life and tearing their family apart doesn't exactly paint him in a good light.

In the post [[Tomgirl_Saga| Tomgirl saga]] world of Chris some trolls have shown remorse over past trollings of Chris. Some cite Chris' new minority gender identity and his infamous autism as reasons to be more sympathetic to Chris. However, Chris has never shown respect for other transgendered people, but has been outright transphobic [[Doxing Jeff/Francine|by refusing to acknowledge their identity]] or [[I Am me; He is not| using slurs against them]]. This does not stop Chris demanding that people respect his new found gender identity without a hint of self-awareness. Chris has made it clear he doesn't have respect for others even if they share very similar problems or experiences like him. Even post tomgirl Chris has also gone on record refusing to date anyone transgendered or with autism. Chris hates those who are similar to him [[Chris and hypocrisy|for bringing his insecurities and imperfections to light and will lash out at them for it]].

Further adding to this short-lived newfound pity towards Chris was the [[26 December 2014]] incident, from the way in which he conducted himself, commanding employees "[[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]" and generally behaving as if [[Chris and reality|he were]] [[Chris and his Ego|answerable]] [[Chris and the law|to no-one]] [[Chris and religion|throughout]], to macing a GameStop employee as he walked out out of the store. This is just after Chris [[I Love You, Catherine|supposedly fell]] [[To Mr. Smith|into a depression]], and the fact that he quickly bounced back with an act of astounding [[Ego|hubris]] and [[Naive|stupidity]] shows how little of pity most people had for him prior to that point. The revelation that Chris was in jail awaiting video court two days later was received with relief, and hopes that he may finally be forced [[Chris and remorse|to]] [[Chris and anger|learn]] [[Chris and his ego|lessons]] [[Chris and reality|he]] [[Chris and psychology|should've]] been taught three decades ago.

Any reason you might could find for believing you can save Chris is only fooling yourself. Chris has willfully chosen to become a leech on society and any of many people listed on this wiki who had taken pity on him. He goes from person to person and community to community only to take what ever he feels entitled to from them, and then throw a temper tantrum when they expel him for unacceptable behavior. To illustrate this point, many of the people Chris has hated the most were not trolls or cruel to him, but simply had gotten in the way of things he wanted regardless if it was intentional or not. For example, [[Wes Iseli]] for dating a girl he liked, [[Adam Stackhouse]] for winning a contest he wanted to win, or [[Mary Lee Walsh]] for prohibiting his [[attraction sign]] on campus. This is a cycle that anyone who has followed Chris' misadventures is familiar with, and it is safe to say your efforts to change or help him will be no different. Chris needs professional and perhaps Institutional help. Anonymous strangers, as well-meaning as they may be, are not equipped with the proper recourses to help Chris, especially as Chris continues [[List of places that have banned Chris| to get banned throughout Charlottesville]] many times without the help of trolls or weens.

===Chris cares only for himself===
Chris spends [[monthly tugboat|your tax money]] on luxuries and steals from his parents to buy [[PSN|random video games]] he'll never play, and even DLC for ''games he doesn't own''. He has the basic skills necessary to hold down a job, so long as it doesn't require him to do much interacting with other people. Programs exist specifically to find appropriate jobs for the mentally challenged, but Chris hasn't even tried since being fired from [[Wendy's]]. He's never going to get a job now, of course - what with [[Chris and the law|his various run-ins with the law]], [[List of places that have banned Chris|his growing local reputation for public tantrums and violence]], his social security, and the fact that he's in his thirties, and [[Wendy's|has only been employed for a month or so]] in his entire life, over a decade ago - but he missed a lot of opportunities while it was still possible. Had he made the right choices, he could've been on a career path and out of his ancestral cesspool by now.

Further reinforcing his selfishness and laziness, Chris and his family strongly agree it's better for him to hole up in his room and get paid for doing absolutely nothing than to accept the challenge of finding gainful employment in the real world. This is based on the false assertion that Chris can earn more on disability than from a job. By taking advantage of the government through vastly exaggerated claims of [[Autism|an easily manageable illness]] which they refuse to help Chris treat, Chris's parents are assured a steady income in the form of his room-and-board payments, and don't have to worry about [[Chris and the Law|Chris getting in trouble with the law again]] when he has another breakdown in public.

His steadfast belief that he can get more money by doing nothing as opposed to getting a job is best underscored in his in [[April 2017 Facebook posts#Chris explains why he won't get a job|an April 2017 Facebook post]], where he explains why he refuses to get a job.

One of his real-life friends tell him that there are services that help people like him get a job, and says she was able to land a job through those services. Chris replies saying that he's too prone to anxiety and shock, and a troll responds that the very fears of getting a job that he's describing are actually very normal for people new to the workforce. She later tells him concerning his refusal to get a job that it's OK as "Not everyone wants to work," but clarifies that "it's OK not to work when you don't need money." That, however, never crosses Chris's mind, and [[Financhu Crisis|considering the Chandlers' financial problems]] that they're in.

But just in case you needed any solid proof of Chris' outright selfishness, it basically came straight from the horse's mouth during his trial. When asked if he understood that he'll be paying his court fees:

{{quote| "Yes. My mother will be taking care of that." |Chris.<ref>[[This_is_how_the_Trial_went]]</ref>}}

Keep in mind that the money being used to bail him out of a mess that he caused is coming out of an ailing old widow's purse while Chris [[Chris and Money|nonchalantly throws his own money away]], as evidenced by his PSN activity mere months later. Also, in 2013, [[Facebook#I_have_had_more_freedom_when_my_father_was_alive|he further hammers this point home]] by complaining about having to take care of Barb with Bob's passing, concerned more about his free time and Michael Snyder taking his money away.

===Chris is not a good net citizen===
{{quote|I will have NO DISCUSSIONS GOING ON BEHIND MY BACK ON MY OWN WEBSITE WHATSOEVER!|Chris, on reader participation via [[Twitter]].}}
Chris is more concerned with spreading his own [[honest content]] than being a good net citizen. On the internet, his demeanor is comparable to that of a spammer: who cares about things like terms of service and account suspensions and masses of pissed-off people as long as his message gets through? He won't participate in the communities of the sites he posts on. This is not mere ''passivity'' in those communities, which is generally tolerable; he ''deliberately opposes'' such participation. Most people, while not bothering to contribute to communities, would at least not make deliberate efforts to hinder them. On [[deviantART]], [[YouTube]] and [[Flipnote Hatena]], he disables all comments, probably because he knew he'd not get any praise anyway, yet this ignores the fact that open commenting is part of the nature of these sites and disabling comments should be done only if it's being used for flagrant abuses of the system, like spam, excessive trolling, and votebotting. He regards YouTube purely as a video publishing venue and not as a tool for engaging in discussion with his "fans". He created his [[Wikipedia]] user page purely to spread his own message, and did not come to the site to participate in building an encyclopedia. If the site owners block him, he just comes up with another account or a sockpuppet. Thoughts of apologizing, getting old accounts reinstated, or the possibility that people who block him might be trying to send him a message never cross his mind.

Chris's behavior on the CWCipedia provides many more examples of his selfish attitude, such as the banner ad crisis in late 2009. He doesn't understand what it ''really'' means that the website is neither hosted nor paid for by him personally, and what sort of things the administration typically does on a website like his. He can't or won't understand simple principles like "webhost's house, webhost's rules," or "beggars can't be choosers," but instead believes that since the site has his name on it, it should be run according to his every demand.

===Chris will reject your advice===
[[Image:0231-MrsSanfordsWiseWords.jpg|thumb|right|What are you going to tell Chris that his [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|favorite teacher]] didn't tell him 20 years ago?]]
Someone [[White knight E-mails|carefully explained to Chris why he is a sexist]]. In response, Chris got angry. He is only interested in a guide on how to attract women without first making any changes to himself. Most ridiculously: he denies being [[Obesity|overweight]].

If you ever get some free time, read Vivian Gee's AIM chat. Vivian actually used to be a counter-troll, and warned Chris several times that PandaHalo was a troll. Chris fell for Panda anyway. She then tried to talk some damn sense into him over AIM. But Chris proved to be so goddamn stubborn, she actually tossed the towel and became a troll out of spite. In her words:

{{quote|i've tried for 3 hours now; it's like fighting a wall, i can't beat the wall no matter how hard i try.|Vivian, thoroughly summing up how it feels to try to smack some sense into Chris.}}

Not only has she long since joined the troll ranks, but Chris even began [[Sign Destruction Video|berating and sending threats]] to the woman who was once his biggest defender ever.

===Chris will reject your disclosure of the truth===
* [[Hanna]] was a real-life troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Lori Lopez]] was a real-life troll, and Chris fell for it.
* Blanca was the name of more than a few trolls, and Chris fell for it.
* PandaHalo was a troll, and Chris fell for it, despite Vivian's warnings.<ref>[[Vivian Gee E-mails]]</ref>
* [[Robert Simmons V]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[JK Productions]] was a troll pretending to be an entire video game development company, and Chris fell for it.
* Sarah May was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Sarah Jackson]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* Julie was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* Ivy was a troll, and Chris fell for it, despite warnings from the counter-troll that must not be named.
* [[Vanessa Hudgens]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Emily]] was a real-life troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Kacey]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it. She also married [[Liquid Chris]].
** [[Father Call|Kacey's dad]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Jackie]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it. [[February_2012|Twice.]]
* [[Catherine]] was a real-life troll, and Chris fell for it, despite [[Anna McLerran|Anna]]'s warnings.

See a pattern here? Back in the day, Chris would've simply dismissed any attempt to open his eyes to the obvious as an attempt to "ruin his relationship/business partnership for the lulz".

As of 2012, however, it seems that Chris has done a 180 on this, where, out of [[Autism|sheer paranoia]], he believes that anybody<ref>[[:File:Fbp10.png]]</ref> and everybody<ref>[[:File:Fbp6.png]]</ref> is a troll, even when he has no sane reason to reach that conclusion<ref>[[:File:Koreans.PNG]]</ref>.

Surprisingly, even in [[2014]], it was revealed that his latest girlfriend, Catherine, was a troll construct. While [[CWCki Forums|the community observing Chris]] are [[Trolls#Today|no longer impressed]] by such [[weening]], it still shows that even after almost a decade of trolls leading him around by his [[duck]], Chris has learned absolutely nothing.

===Chris's normal life is often weirder than the trolling===
Chris won't take your advice, so he will fall for trolling. Trolls do some ''bizarre'' things and Chris believes almost everything. But even if Chris had no white knights or trolls, his life would still be out of the ordinary.

The things Chris achieves when left to his own devices are sometimes even more jaw-dropping than what the trolls think up. His previous brushes with [[Jerkops|authority figures]] and his [[Attraction Sign|creepy]] [[Fridays After Five|behavior]] during his outside leisure time are good examples.

===Chris asks for it, and always recovers===
Hellbent on spreading his version of the truth because he's TRUE and HONEST, Chris cannot realize that his edit warring on Encyclopedia Dramatica was practically a squeal begging for more trolling.

[[wiktionary:TMI|TMI]] is a tactic Chris uses that backfires without fail. Since Chris insists on revealing the most minute details of his life to everyone he meets, the trolls always get more information to fuel further acts of trolling. White knights cannot stop our hero from being honest.

Chris doesn't get embarrassed either. Oh, his nudes and [[Recycling|lewd acts]] are all over the internet? No big deal! [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|All adults do that kind of thing]], so what's the problem?

Chris managed to fully recover from the depressing [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008|21 October 2008 video]] mentioned above (and quite quickly, too) and proceeded to fail even harder for months. Likewise, despite professing great emotional distress, he bounced back from [[CWC is Sad|the loss of Kacey]] in [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|a matter of hours]]. He even bounced back after being [[Mumble 9|verbally abused by a room of trolls]], one of whom went so far as to tell him to go kill himself. Whatever the trolls say or do to Chris, he always does or says something worse to someone else, and he always bounces back anyway, so what's the problem?

[[Image:Chriscash.jpg|thumb|right|180px|True, true.]]

===Chris has made himself an outcast===
High school and college are where people are given their first and often only chance to become a functioning part of society. They gave Chris an even greater chance because he's autistic. They lent him a friendly, caring hand and opened themselves to his friendship, males and females alike. And what did Chris do? He ''refused, by choice,'' to associate with anyone who wasn't [[Gal-pals|female]], [[Pedofork|young]], [[Chris and race|white]], in the [[Charlottesville]] area, and [[Barbara Chandler|willing to mother him forever more]].

When [[Mary Lee Walsh|the dean]] gave him a chance to reform his behavior, he kept going with his bullshit, threw a particularly bizarre tantrum in her office, and was rightly kicked out of [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] for a full year. What did he learn from that? He learned that Mary Lee Walsh was an evil hag with a personal vendetta against him. He was given ''several'' chances to learn that his loitering and soliciting were not appropriate behaviors in a public place, and what did he learn? He learned that mall cops are Jerkops, that [[Virginia is for Virgins]], and that his [[Love Quest]] was [[Ego#Paranoia|a matter of him against the world, with the world as the antagonist]]. After he was kicked out of The GAMe PLACe (where he was again given far more leeway than most people ever would have been given, due to Snyder's misguided pity for him), he was barred from his last hangout in Ruckersville that was still open to him.

Now, it's too late for Chris. He has been offered friendship and care time and again, and every time without fail, he drives his friends away with his entitlement, his perverse, bizarre, bellicose behaviors, or his inappropriate sexual advances, or, failing that, he will dismiss them for trying to get him to improve himself or behave like a responsible adult. While he has began frequenting [[Impulse Gay Social Club]] in recent months, and could potentially make friends there, many Christorians believe it is merely a matter of time before history repeats itself and Chris alienates himself from the other regulars.

Complain as he might, Chris's own actions have made him an outcast, and since he refuses to accept this, much less attempt to improve himself, an outcast he shall remain. Try as they might, neither white knights nor trolls have the power to save Chris from his delusions and cognitive dissonance, only he does.

===The stresses of white-knighting===
In order to get close to Chris, white knights have to spend at least as much time and effort as trolls to keep up-to-date on his activities. Most have to lie and pretend to be a single girl to even capture his attention. This, combined with Chris's habit of pushing away anyone who tries to connect with him, is enough to make any sane non-psychologist crash into slumber.

===Chris will not even read your message===
The spam filter is a powerful innovation of good ol' America Online. Any e-mails sent to his address will be left unread and deleted. Even back in the days of the [[Mailbag]], any emails submitted to it, if they even got published, would've been [[Mailbag 29|given one-word replies and ignored]].

===The trolling will not cease===
Even if white knights get to Chris somehow, there is no endgame in which Chris will be free from trolls before his death.

In school, Chris was trolled by his classmates. He was even trolled by one of his [[Joshua Martinez|real life friends]]. In college, he was trolled by friends who grew sick of his bullshit, and by [[Anna McLerran|girls]] [[Hannah|annoyed]] by his "attraction methods" and rampant, unabashed sexism. If Chris quit the Internet tomorrow, he would still be trolled by a society that refuses to tolerate ignorant manchildren flouting its rules.

If everyone trying to create his next fake sweetheart suddenly got bored and quit, Chris would unconsciously attract new trolls to take their place, and we all know weens are more than willing.

If Chris isn't assigned a custodian after Barbara dies, his story will probably end when he falls victim to some con artist who swindles him out of his monthly tugboat and perhaps his home. If Chris does get assigned a custodian, he will continue his antics until the custodian kicks him out or bans him from the internet. If the custodian bans Chris from the internet, that's Chris trolling himself.

If Chris ends up in prison (again) he will be trolled there as well, and that's if he's lucky.

If the entire world reforms and decides to leave Chris alone, his own sense of victimization will override any benefit. Consider that Chris felt persecuted simply by observing [[JERKS|males who had more success than himself]]. He regards legitimate assertions of authority as rank brutality. [[Adam Stackhouse]] managed to upset Chris to a degree that Christorians still find especially impressive, and he did it without even knowing that Chris existed at the time. Bleak as it is, unless Chris embarks on a program of radical self-improvement, and manages against the odds to shake off both his legions of abusers and seamy reputation, he will forever feel like a thoroughly-kicked autistic.

===The trolling helps Chris and, indeed, others===
If Chris were just some random nobody on the Internet, he'd be doing nothing but playing vidya and occasionally drawing unsellable art until Barb died. He'd remain without social skills, a job, success or future.

Instead, Chris's antics have become a cultural phenomenon that, without exaggeration, is something extraordinary, unique, and which likely won't be replicated in any shape or form for years to come. Chris has long secured his place among such luminaries as [[wikipedia:Time Cube|Gene Ray]] and [[wikipedia:John Titor|John Titor]], and unlike Gene, you can actually comprehend what Chris is saying most of the time. Chris's interactions with the world through his websites and YouTube have drawn in a considerable number of people from around the world who are participating in an unprecedented, continual piece of performance art of a kind that would have been unheard of only a few years ago. He brings entertainment to thousands of people all over Earth, an accomplishment that most could never dream of achieving--the kind of thing that would give Dane Cook a stiffy just to consider. His internet fame is actually a sort of success in its own right, and ''may'' bring him further success. There are thousands of people out there that are so fascinated by him that they study and document his life on a daily basis.

One could argue that if Chris eventually "retired" from this comedy act by actually coming to terms with his problems, seeking professional help, and completely reforming (and selling media rights to his life's story to the highest bidder, like all sensible people would do), he could live the rest of his life secure and probably moderately well-off. The audience would give him a standing ovation for entertaining them for as long as he did, and move on to the next piece of tragicomedy brought to us by the emerging Web technologies. We have seen far more messed-up celebrity stories already; Chris's tale is at least quite different from the norm and engaging.

What's more, the trolls provide him with an actual social outlet to learn and grow, even if he generally opts out of doing either. Instead of being an unemployable, fat bedroom-dweller that nobody has ever heard of, he's an internet-famous unemployable, fat bedroom dweller, and this by itself increases his chances of getting friends and a girl. He may even end up employed, too, possibly appearing in an advertisement or sponging off royalties from any biographical medium, whether it be a book, movie, or TV series. He could even [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|become the next William Hung]] if he put half an ounce of effort into it.

In fact, recently, Chris seems to have latched onto the idea of monetizing his e-fame, which he has managed somewhat successfully. It started with him being paid by a Japanese noise band (albeit a really obscure one) to produce artwork for their album cover (that didn't feature Sonichu or himself for a change) in early 2015, for which he received $50. At around the same time, he started making replica [[medallions]], taking commissions, and, a little later, making custom Sonichu Amiibos, all of which sold fairly well on [[eBay]], particularly the medallions.

In [[August 2015]], Chris did what no-one had thought he would - he resumed work on the Sonichu comics, asking for donations in exchange for releasing new pages, at a price of $10 per page. He even redrew some of the old comics to be a [[Chris and anger|little more]] [[Death threats|tasteful]], for example retconning the infamous gory executions of the Asperpedia Four in the original version of [[Sonichu 10]] to banishment to an Amish community and forced marriage. Many on Kiwi Farms applauded his resumption of work on the comics, a move they had long suggested. It was predicted that the comics would be a better earner for Chris than the relatively unsuccessful botched Amiibos; although no-one could have forseen [[Autism|one person paying Chris $1000]] - which translates into 100 pages worth of new Sonichu comics - meaning Chris gets money for toys, weed and hormones, while we get new content, and the pleasure of watching the fallout <s>if</s> when Chris fails to produce that many pages. It should of course go without saying that Chris's merchandise is bought ([[Kenneth Erwin Englehardt|almost]]) exclusively by trolls, Christorians, and the rest of his "fanbase", as the fragile, low-quality crap he churns out has no value to anyone else. All in all, Chris is finally cashing in on his e-fame, which may someday lead to him "making peace" with his tormentors, and recognizing that he has a somewhat symbiotic relationship with them. Which of course, renders white knighting essentially redundant.

Another important point to remember is that Chris's perversions, flaws and constant failure have made his life into something of a cautionary tale to other autistic people, and he has inspired [[Autism#Chris and other autistics|hundreds]] of them to self-improvement. In addition, Chris's self-improvements, from his decrease in anger to his reconciliation with some of his enemies, could potentially inspire hope in other people, such as by thinking if Chris can improve, then so can they. Really, no matter how dire his circumstances come to be, he's accomplishing a pretty good thing here.

===Chris treats "fans" and white knights like crap===
If you try to white knight him, his response is merely to block you on Facebook and never respond. He accuses practically all white knights of being trolls. Quite ironic, isn't it? He screams "I'M STRAIGHT!" when you tell him up front that you're a guy. When you tell him his current "girlfriend" is actually a troll, he'll accuse you of wanting to "break up the relationship for the lulz." He'll be rude, won't listen and won't read between the lines. He will always bite the hand that feeds him, so you should just let him wallow in [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO|his own self-loathing]].

{{quote|Whatever.|Chris' [[Mailbag_29#Whatever|1-word response]] to a fan leaving him, a social worker concerned about the [[Chris_and_health#Living_conditions|state of his house]], and a fan concerned about [[Chandler_Cats#Kitty|one of his cats]].}}
{{quote|You can go f*** yourself.|Chris' [[Mailbag_43#Go_Fuck_Yourself.2C_too.21|response]] to constructive criticism about [[Chris_and_copyright#Chris.27s_views|copyright]].}}

Chris doesn't treat his so-called "fans" much better. Even aside from the SonichuIzCool incident mentioned above, Chris has severe problems answering questions from his fans, and will often react in a hostile manner to everything he sees as negative or offensive. His Mailbag is the most obvious example. He hates being corrected, and tenaciously clings to his misinformed beliefs; his insistence that Asperger's Syndrome and autism are unrelated is a good example of this. When, or if, he's having a good day and manages to answer questions from fans at all, he often gives them very brief, one or two word answers that do not elaborate on anything, or outright ignore parts of the question. Not only is he terse, he's also slow to act; for example, it [[Brutal Legend Plus|took him three days to realize]] that a [[Brutal Legend|video he uploaded]] had no audio on it whatsoever. He also promised that [[Sonichu Fan Promo|a spectacular fan creation]] would be officially featured in the ''Sonichu'' comic, and it ultimately was, ''over a year later''.

Most webcomics have a specific schedule that they have decided to follow. Many webcomics fail to live up to them, some less, some more, some for good reasons, some have no excuse whatsoever. Chris didn't have a set schedule for the comic for the longest time, but then agreed to update the comic on a daily basis, a schedule which even the most well-funded webcomic artists would consider particularly demanding. In February and March 2010, there have been few updates to the comic. When the inevitable complaints about schedule slip started to come, Chris snapped at his fans by saying that inspiration takes its time, forgetting that it was ''he'' who decided daily updates were the way to go. As the "Great Director Chandler", he could have the power to decide what schedule to follow, but instead, he chose to attack his fans.

===Chris's upbringing doesn't justify his actions===
The shitty way [[Borb]] raised him may be an ''explanation'' for why Chris is so fucked up, but it's not an ''excuse''. Plenty of people have bad childhoods, and abusive or incompetent parents. However, these people don't use that as an excuse for whatever bad things they do. As these people get help and move on, Chris, on the other hand, remains dependent on the same people who screwed him up, and doesn't even try to move past his childhood. Instead, he escapes into a world of fantasy and pornography, and when confronted by reality, he will use all the mental gymnastics at his disposal to twist reality to resemble how he wants it to be. There's also the fact that [[Cole Smithey]] grew up in the same household with the same parents, and yet he lives a relatively normal life. Meanwhile, Chris behaves like an overgrown child, draws art on par with that of elementary schoolers, is chronically in trouble with the law for his persistent failure to regulate his own behavior in public, and generally is extremely antisocial.

===Chris's life would still be a disaster even if the trolls never bothered him===
Today, Chris is a total human trainwreck, slowly losing the last of his sanity as each day goes by. While the systematic trolling of him throughout the last few years has doubtless contributed to his degrading mental state (especially his extreme paranoia and distrust for almost everyone), the fact still remains that his life's horrible state is mainly caused by factors outside of the internet. He would still be a lonely outcast, as his poor upbringing gave him such warped views of the world and led him to engage in such bizarre behavior that he drove away every person he tried to connect with. He would still be living in unsanitary conditions due to Barb's hoarding and the fact that his house has not been properly cleaned in the better part of a decade. He would still be banned from most of his favorite hangouts due to his loitering and hostile behavior to other patrons. Also, at the core of it all is how Chris decided that he would be better off living off government handouts while he sits around playing with toys and video games instead of getting a job and heading down a career path, which would have been his one-way ticket to escaping the cesspool that is [[14 Branchland Court]] and living a fulfilling life, not unlike that of his half-brother. Instead, he decided to remain dependent on his elderly, emotionally disturbed parents; look how well that's working out for him.

True to his word, Chris all but abandoned the Internet between [[July 2012]] and [[2013]], save for sporadic ramblings on Facebook. Despite this, quite a bit was revealed about how well he was doing independent of troll influence. He [[Other_documents#Epistle_to_the_Wesley_Memorial_United_Methodist_Church|alienated himself from his church]], earning a ban from the new pastor (undoubtedly because Chris wouldn't shut the hell up about the trolls). After being banned, he even dismissed Rocky as an effective counselor (keep in mind that Rocky once bailed him out of jail, which is quite an extraordinary act of kindness, counselor or not), and went so far as to accuse [[Chris and religion|God]] of being a troll. He continues to this day to describe his life as isolated and lonely, with nobody willing to talk to him, a scenario many have tried and failed to warn him about. He even earned some ire from Anna, his biggest white knight for [[Facebook#Gay_Marriage|making anti-homosexual statements]] on his Facebook page, he even chose to argue with her instead of trying to piece together why a lesbian friend of his would find such statements offensive. As a coup de grace on all of this, Chris ended up trolling himself in the grandest fashion by revealing an [[Facebook#Imgur|Imgur account]] made of all of his previously hidden Facebook posts, despite trolls (save for the one who started it) being completely in the dark about it.

Even if all of that doesn't convince you for some reason, consider this: Chris came ''this'' close to being thrown in jail on [[28 October 2011]], and even closer still with the more recent [[26 December 2014]] incident, both of which involved the assault of innocent retail workers trying to protect their customers from him. Both times, he did this on his own initiative, with no prodding from the trolls. And make no mistake, ''everyone'' was thoroughly disgusted by Chris's actions, none were eager to defend his pepper-spray assault on an innocent employee, even those who helped support his [[Sonic Boom Protests]] before.

If we were to be extraordinarily generous and assume that none of the disasters which have befallen Chris since the trolling efforts began in earnest would otherwise have happened, the facts ''still'' indicate that Chris's life would have been a complete mess. Chris was discovered by the internet at large in late 2007, by which point he had already been suspended from college, and banned from the [[Fashion Square]] (twice), along with his local branches of [[Wal-Mart]] and [[Target]], only avoiding criminal charges for the ruckus he caused at the latter because the state didn't feel it was worth the effort to pursue the case. As recently as two months before the "official" start of the trolling of Chris, he was making death threats against Adam Stackhouse and his preteen sister, for the former's unwitting disruption of Chris's plan to lose his virginity with Megan, something that she had made clear she had no interest in doing. It may be a depressing conclusion to arrive at, but there's never been anything that anyone outside of the confines of 14 Branchland Court could have reasonably done to prevent Chris's life from being a trainwreck.

===Chris's white knights are making him worse===
A quick glance at the comments on his Facebook statuses should confirm this. Even after he ''committed a felony'' by assaulting a GameStop employee with pepper spray on Boxing Day 2014, then posted a long-winded, obviously dishonest tirade painting himself as an innocent victim on Facebook, none of his white knights offered anything more than a softly-worded, mild condemnation of his behavior. [[William Elliott Waterman|Some]] avoided a direct response altogether, and made some barely relevant comment that conspicuously avoided the main point of Chris's self-serving drivel, probably a feeble and misguided attempt to defuse his [[Chris and anger|rage]].

And this is how his white knights react whenever he gets angry about having to face the consequences of his own behavior. It's painfully clear to Chris's trolls and other observers that his white knights are woefully ill-equipped to deal with Chris. The reactions his tantrums garner from them clearly indicate that they remain ignorant (passively or otherwise) to facts that most learned long ago; namely, that the "soft touch" has never worked with Chris, and only serves to reinforce his [[Chris and reality|belief]] that [[Chris and his Ego|he should be given whatever he desires]] (he is even openly stating that he is ''entitled'' to a girlfriend), and allowed to do as he pleases, while [[Barbara Chandler|others]] shield him from the [[Chris and the Law|negative repercussions]].

Chris's white knights also habitually feed Chris's belief that his trolls are subhuman bullies who simply want to see him destroyed in every conceivable way because he's such a special, brave little boy. While this is arguably [[A-Logging|true of]] [[Weening|some]], for the most part, Chris's trolls are just as interested in seeing Chris improve himself as white knights are, if not moreso, even if many are beginning to doubt such a thing is possible. Indeed, many of the female troll personas who "date" or "befriend" Chris have tried to help him see the error of his ways and reform, and continue to do so. It is partially due to the influence of Chris's white knights, who foolishly (and often futilely) try to root out these trolls, that these attempts to help Chris never result in lasting, positive change on his part.

In short, most of Chris's white knights are attention whores, sycophants or both. To these people, going on a witch-hunt for trolls is preferable to actually trying to help Chris, something which, ironically, even Chris's trolls continue to try to do.

==Examples==
:''Read: [[White knight emails]]''

===White Knights on YouTube===

Among the most notable of Chris's white knights was a [[YouTube]] counter-troll who claimed to be a 21 year-old Russian model named Svenka. Via her YouTube account, [http://www.youtube.com/user/hottiee96 hottiee96], she released an inordinate number of screencaps from troll conversations on [[Sonichu IRC]], including private conversations between Chris and Panda. She also released an image of the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] who would later steal Chris's first date, [[Emily]]. Were Chris less thick-skulled and even slightly willing to accept irrefutable evidence, Svenka may have made somewhat of a negative impact on the organized trolling effort against Chris, but ultimately she was ineffectual. Svenka also had a unhealthy obsession with the [[CWCville Library]]'s original curator, Arjen Van Dierten.

On 6 [[May 2009]], YouTube user xThexPinchx/NorthxStar7/[http://www.youtube.com/user/ThePinchisDaBomb ThePinchisDaBomb] tried to blackmail major trolls, claiming to have information on them. He was easily called on his bluff by someone who had not trolled Chris at all.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/user/softerthanhardware YouTube]</ref> The Pinch has also threatened [[BlueSpike]] saying he has information from his friends, forgetting the fact that BlueSpike ''has no friends''.

===White Knights on Facebook===

In recent times (since 2012), Chris has taken to using Facebook as his main means of expressing himself. Inevitably, this has not only attracted the attention of trolls, but, in 2013, a slew of White Knights as well, in particular, a [[William Elliott Waterman]], who taunted the trolls to come after him instead of Chris ('''Spoiler:''' Nobody did, because nobody actually cared what he had to say). Anna and [[Kim]] are two of the most notable ones on his friends list, both of whom try to offer constructive advice whenever Chris nosedives into a rant...when they're not busy kissing his ass, especially in the case of Anna.

However, as we've come to expect of Chris, anybody who tells him something he doesn't want to hear are people that needed to be brushed off until they stop saying those mean, awful things to him. A good case in point is his [[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Chris_Expresses_His_Outrage_for_Walmart|anger-laced tirade in September 2013, when he got thrown out of Walmart and started calling names]]. The white knights typically chimed in with their support...''until'' he revealed that he [[Chris and the law|vandalized]] an Xbox One display in the store. Several of them then told Chris that this was not right of him to do, and that the manager had every right to throw him out. His response to that?

{{quote|They do not.
And if they do, they are most in the wrong, [[Chris and reality|because they are most abusive and overzealous of their "authoritative power" that never has existed ever]].|- Chris's response to Chris Rhodes}}

===White Knights in Real Life===

Aside from the most obvious example, an old classmate of Chris from [[Manchester High School]] came online and attempted to defend Chris. Once [[SheCameForCWC.jpg|certain details]] became known, however, said classmate quickly backpedaled on this once he realized that the majority of [[CWCki|what happened]] was Chris' own fault.

===TV Tropes===
The TV Tropes [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Webcomic/Sonichu article on ''Sonichu''] used to have a white knight message as the first text of the article, with a link back to this very page. It was eventually removed due to TV Tropes' website policy changing later on--in other words, said message would no longer be allowed on the website. The message is reproduced below:

{{quote|Hey Chris! If you're reading this: you seriously need to get help from licensed professionals, before the stuff you do gets you thrown in prison or forcibly committed. And we're sorry, but you have no real fans - the people you think are your fans are really either trolls or laughing at you behind your back. Every. Last. One. Please listen to us - for once.|- Concerned tropers}}

Unfortunately, the editor in question fails to realize that their message, while well intentioned, will do absolutely nothing and Chris will simply ignore it even if he does [[Mailbag 52|fully read and input it for better development. Thank you for your time.]]

==Chris as a White Knight==
In 2017, Chris himself began (attempting) to white knight the crew of [[Planet Dolan]], particularly [[DoopieDoOver]], after he misinterpreted one of Doopie's tweets about being tired of harassment from Chris himself as referring to [[trolls]] harassing her. To this end, he started the #[[HarassCWCdirectly]] campaign in which he exhorted the supposed trolls to take aim at him and leave Doopie and friends alone. This may well be a misguided effort to [[Love Quest|win Doopie's affections]] after she emphasized that she considers him nothing more than a customer, not even a [[Gal pal|friend]].

==Conclusion==
As good as your intentions may be, there is no conceivable way any old e-friend can reach Chris at this point and change him for the better, certainly not by continuing to ass-pat and pamper him, which is precisely what fucked him up so badly in the first place (as this wiki evidences copiously). Your efforts will unfortunately fail, and he will just brush you aside, seeing no difference between you and the trolls, for daring to tell him anything he does not want to hear. With each new incident he causes, it is increasingly obvious that little short of [[Chris and psychology|professional intervention]], the [[Chris and religion|intercession of]] [[GodJesus]], or a [[Destruction Of Chris's House|horrifyingly close brush with death]] will change him.

Though the trolls have certainly tried to be a positive influence on Chris, even they are now largely admitting that Chris is well beyond our aid. They have spent years trying to pierce Chris's many insulating layers of self-deceit, egotism and sheer stubbornness. It is worth bearing in mind that it is these people, not the white knights, that are the closest thing he has to friends, and that some of them have been at this for nearly a decade. They ''know'' him, and if they can't make Chris change, what on earth makes you think you can?

To conclude, with Chris's paranoia, detachment from reality, outlandish behavior and bellicosity all becoming steadily more severe, and with interventions by trolls and white knights alike failing, the best we can hope for is that Chris causes [[26 December 2014|some sort of trouble]] that leads to him receiving the help he needs.

==See also==
*[[A-Logging]]
*[[Weening]]
*[[White knight E-mails]]

==References==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://encyclopediadramatica.rs/White_knight White Knighting] article at [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]].

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Trolling]]

List of places that have banned Chris

2016-06-07T14:03:05Z

HarryHowler: /* PlayStation Network */

[[Image:BANHAMMER.png|thumb|The weapon of choice.]]

Although he is at least physically a grown adult, [[Chris]] is not above [[Chris and anger|throwing tantrums]] and generally being a nuisance in public places. Because of his obnoxious behavior, Chris has been either temporarily or permanently '''banned''' from many places, physical or not.

==Shops==
===The GAMe PLACe===
{{main|The GAMe PLACe}}

According to [[Mimms]], Chris was banned twice. The first time, which was temporary, was when Chris attempted to get something from the back without permission. [[Michael Snyder]] later wound up permabanning him on 28 August [[2008]], after Chris got confrontational with a small [[niggo]], but even this failed to keep Chris away from the store. Following the events of [[28 October 2011]], Chris was definitively banned by court order from ever re-entering the store, all the way to its shutdown in [[June 2014]].

===Charlottesville Fashion Square===
{{main|Charlottesville Fashion Square}}

Chris was busted twice here, once for loitering and again for shouting in public. The second incident may or may not have been Chris's "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shout upon learning [[Hanna]] was [[troll]]ing him. He was banned for a year, but the ban has since expired. On 28 [[April 2012]], it's revealed he was banned again, this time from arguing with trolls loudly on his phone. He later got banned again after the [[26 December 2014]] incident (see below).

===Walmart===
{{main|Mal-Wart}}

Chris has been kicked out of Walmart on at least four separate occasions. On 23 June [[2005]], the [[Niggos|African-American]] manager of the [[Charlottesville]] store's [[McDonald's]] (depicted as the [[B-Manajerk]] by Chris in the comics) attempted to have Chris arrested for loitering, but his own fast thinking and hiding his Attraction Sign (which got him in trouble in the first place) ended up with him removed from the restaurant for the rest of the day (or so he says). The actual banning came two days later, 25 June, when Chris returned and attempted to loiter again. Both managers for McDonald's and Walmart confronted Chris, but Chris refused to listen to the managers, ran off and nearly ran ''over'' one of them. In late [[2009]], he returned to Walmart, forcing one of the female employees to measure him for a [[sports bra]].

Proving he learns nothing, Chris was again banned in September [[2013]], this time at the recent [[Ruckersville]] location, after vandalizing an Xbox One sign to read "[[HEXbox]] One", according to his [[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Chris Expresses His Outrage for Walmart|Facebook post]] on 6 [[September 2013]]. In the ensuing Facebook posts, he blames almost everyone else but himself for the ban, including [[Michael Snyder]], [[Megan Schroeder]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and even his defense attorney [[Rob Bell]]. A year later, Chris got thrown out of Walmart yet again, after an employee recognized and confronted him. He eventually left, but not before threatening the employee with pepper spray. For reference, this came less than a week after he was arrested for attacking an employee of another store with mace.

===Target===
{{main|Get-Tar Region}}

On 20 July 2005 (almost a month after Chris's incident over at Walmart), he attempted to loiter at a newly-built Target, intending on [[Obesity|exploiting their free soda refill deal]] while he tried to get boyfriend-free girls. According to [[Emily]], Chris was approached by management and asked to leave, but he refused. When the issue was pressed, he insulted them and forced them to call the cops. When they did, Chris tried to run, forcing them to tackle, hogtie and handcuff him. All this on the store's opening week!

===GameStop===
Chris had already been banned from the Fashion Square branch of local GameStop for his [[Sonic Boom Protests]] when, on 26 December 2014, he came [[Honor roll|"disguised"]] in a pair of [[My Little Pony]] [[Chris and fashion|novelty sunglasses]], supposedly intending to buy a new ''Skylanders'' figure and some second-hand Wii U games. However, the staff confronted him and were unmoved by his protests that he was there to actually buy stuff rather than vandalize their property. He eventually left, but not before assaulting one of the employees by spraying his can of pink mace at his shirt, [[Chris and the Law|a felony]].

As of 4 December 2015, GameStop has banned Chris from all of their stores in the state of Virginia. Chris uploaded [[GameStop is UNFAIR to Everyone; Not Just Me!|a video]] about this on 7 December, after he received GameStop's letter informing him of his statewide ban.

==Websites==
===PlayStation Network===
{{main|PSN blogs}}

Chris has gotten at least one temporary ban from the PlayStation Network's social networking features, as a result of making [[death threats]] to [[Adam Stackhouse]] and several others in one of his blog entries during [[August 2007]], over Adam's beating him in the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]] through what Chris incorrectly claimed was a violation of the rules. One of the site's moderators ordered Chris to remove the blog entry, and when Chris responded by telling the moderator to "SHUT UP AND GO READ THE OFFICIAL RULES!!!!", he found himself being slapped with a ban lasting approximately a month.

===deviantART===
{{main|deviantART}}

Chris has been banned twice from deviantART. Both times were for a reason that you can probably guess right off the bat: sexual imagery without even bothering to use the proper mature content filters. The first time was around [[May 2009]], most likely due to the imagery from [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]; the second was August 28, 2009, due to the infamous cameltoe scene in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] and the sex scene between [[Blake]] and [[Bubbles Rosechu]] in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].

===YouTube===
{{main|YouTube}}
Chris abandoned many of his accounts after troll attacks. One of his accounts, CChanSonichu, was suspended because of [[The July 10th Messages|three insulting videos]] he posted in tandem on 10 [[July 2009]].

===Wikipedia===
{{main|Wikipedia}}

On 1 May 2009, Chris created an account on Wikipedia, hoping to show his side to his life story, one that wasn't "smeared" by trolls. It was deleted soon afterward for violating Wikipedia's policy on userpages and notability. When he attempted to contest this course of action, his user account was indefinitely blocked (although the blocking admin actually believed it to be a [[wikipedia:Sockpuppet (Internet)|sockpuppet]] of a troll and not the genuine article). As of now, the article name "Christian Weston Chandler" has been "salted" to prevent it from ever being recreated.

===Flipnote Hatena===
{{main|Flipnote Hatena}}

After uploading and re-uploading numerous Flipnotes that violated the rules of the family-friendly Flipnote Hatena site, the moderators banned him permanently from uploading Flipnotes on the 2nd of [[July 2010]]. Chris has since evaded his ban. Flipnote Studio 3D was later released in [[February 2015]] after Flipnote Hatena shut down on the 31st of [[May 2013]]. Only time will tell if Chris manages to get banned from that as well.

===eBay===
{{main|Original Sonichu and Rosechu Drawing}}

Chris has attempted to sell the [[Original Sonichu and Rosechu Drawing]] on [[eBay]] since 1 [[June 2014]]. Time and again, however, the listing for the picture was taken down, either as a result of troll involvement, the listing expiring (the asking price of thousands of dollars not helping in that respect), or in true Chris fashion, breaking the terms of services on eBay by asking for offers on Facebook. This would culminate in a 3-day ban from eBay on June 8th, 2014. Chris, being incapable of taking "no" for an answer, stated his intention to put the picture back up for sale again the minute the ban expires.

On 12 June, Chris reposted the listing, only for eBay to give him ''another'' ban. When his second ban expired, he reposted a heavily-edited version of the posting, although still possible violating several of eBay's terms again. A third strike against Chris's tarnished eBay name is expected. Only time will tell if the world's largest online vendor will be added to the list of places that kicks Chris out and never lets him back in.

Around [[September 2014]], a guy named "Mr. Smith" decided to order one of Chris's mass-market [[medallions]], thinking that it would take 2 weeks to ship, not to ''create'' the medallion itself. After 2 weeks passed by with the medallion still not arrived, he filed a case to eBay, thus freezing Chris's PayPal. This ''really'' got Chris's [[duck]] in a twist, and led to a complicated series of events that later ended in eBay refunding Mr. Smith.

===Sega Customer Service===
{{main|Sonic Boom Protests}}

GameStop is not the only place Chris is banned from for raging over ''Sonic Boom''. On 12 [[December 2014]], Chris sent Sega Customer Service an angry e-mail that raged over ''Sonic Boom'' and told them to recall ''anything'' with Sonic's blarms on it...or else. Later in the day or the day after that, Sega banned his Customer Service account from the service.

===Facebook===
{{main|Facebook}}

On 3 [[July 2015]], Chris's Facebook account was taken down very briefly. While it is currently unknown why this occurred, it can likely be chalked up to Chris bending the rules of the website as per usual. These include screenshots of sexting, pictures of lizards mating, his omnipresent death threats to Sega, and linking to a Wikipedia article about tribadism with a sexual image as a thumbnail. The last straw was when he uploaded a drawing called "Pink Lemonade", which featuring Chris being showered with pink lemonade (or, as [[Kim Wilson]] interpreted it, menstruation blood) from a pitcher pouring it through a [[china]]-shaped lemon, and bragging about how "It will be on Long enough for all to enjoy a glass." It's beyond surprising that Facebook was able to keep up with Chris's shenanigans for 4 years before taking it down for the 3rd time. His account was then put back up the same day, proving that Chris is the ultimate bullet-dodger.

However, it seems he hasn't got off quite yet, as a recent picture he posted of his [[manboobs]] on 9 July was surprisingly taken down due to reports, which is the first time Chris has had a photo taken down on Facebook. He then reposted it, leading to his account getting deactivated the second time this month. It was then put back up, then closed yet again, and ''then'' put back up. It seems that this might be where it continues on, but with Facebook taking down a post that asked Chris's followers to fund him a prosthetic china in [[September 2015]], only time will tell.

On 29 [[November 2014]], the makers of the [[Keep Sonic Original]] page banned Chris from the group after a post was made containing death threats to Sega. Also, on 4 [[October 2015]], Chris got booted off the Amiibo Trade & Collectors page for hostile posts and making Amiibos out of original characters.

===Lulu===
In [[December 2015]], Chris got his account suspended from independent literature hosting website Lulu. The website doesn't allow authors to publish fanfiction or stories based on copyrighted characters and/or properties from other creators. Given that Chris used the website to publish copies of ''Sonichu'', you can guess how this turned out. He later shifted his shenanigans to CreateSpace.

==Organizations==

===The Cub Scouts===

Chris stated in part 4 of his [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]] that he was kicked out of the "[[Wikipedia:Cub Scouting (Boy Scouts of America)|Wolf Cub Scouts]]" in the late [[1980s]] because he was autistic. Undoubtedly, it was for something he did that he didn't tell us about. His commentary suggested that he routinely angered his Den Mother with his illogical behavior and that he believed this to be the reason he is banned. In 2014, while on his [[Catie Date Conversation Transcript|date]] with [[Catherine]], he elaborated that he was probably "being outbursting and loud for something," although he couldn't remember. In [[Mailbag 18#Instead the courts were on the side of justice|a Mailbag]], Chris revealed that his parents tried to sue the Boy Scouts of America over this incident.

===Piedmont Virginia Community College===
{{main|Piedmont Virginia Community College}}

Two incidents occurred here. The first occurred on Chris's 21st [[birthday]], 24 February [[2003]]. Chris originally blamed the incident on him having an outburst when he was kicked out of a class after telling a male professor that he, like the main character in a story they were learning about, was autistic. According to [[Emily]], however, it turns out that he was kicked out because of his homophobic tendencies causing him to say something derogatory. In either case, Chris started his [[Love Quest]] this day.

The second incident occurred when, in mid-October [[2003]], Dean of Student Services [[Mary Lee Walsh]] spotted Chris and his [[Attraction Sign]] and took it away, criticizing Chris for his actions, as she believed he was trying to solicit sex on campus. When Walsh destroyed a second sign, Chris [[Chris and anger|raged]] and went on the offensive. This incident lead to her banning Chris for a year, forcing him to see a [[Autism papers|psychiatrist]] and go to anger management classes (neither of which seems to have helped).

===Grace Baptist Church===
{{main|Grace Baptist Church}}

Chris was banned from his old church in [[2008]]. He claimed in an email with [[lordsillynipples]], "Pastor John Hartless did not like my views I've expressed in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|my video I did on my 25th Birthday]], and he found the [[ED]] page." Later, in [[Mailbag 14]], he claimed it was because "The pastor did a background check on me, and found images of [[Women's rights|women in bikinis]] on my [[Facebook]]; he was offended." Going by his frequent threats to use his new congregation as a personal army, it is not unlikely that Chris was booted out of the church when he linked his pastor to his ED page in the hope that Mr. Hartless would incite the congregation into raiding the ED page for Chris.

===Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church===
{{main|Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church}}

A [[Other documents#Epistle to the Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|letter]] leaked on 30 March 2013 revealed that some time between [[July 2011]] and [[March 2013]], Chris had earned himself a temporary ban from Wesley Methodist, probably because he had repeatedly (and annoyingly) aired his endless grievances about trolls during the homily.

{{quote|I feel that ever since Reverend Elizabeth Foss left our church, it has greatly gone downhill for me. Ed Winkler Banned me from the church for a month. He has Banned me from Speaking my peace during the Sharing of Joys and Concerns, and from that, I have felt unnecessarily Silenced.|Chris, on how his own church is now playing [[Kick the Autistic]]}}

{{Lists}}
[[Category:Places]]
[[Category:Lists]]

List of places that have banned Chris

2016-06-07T08:18:16Z

HarryHowler: /* Websites */

[[Image:BANHAMMER.png|thumb|The weapon of choice.]]

Although he is at least physically a grown adult, [[Chris]] is not above [[Chris and anger|throwing tantrums]] and generally being a nuisance in public places. Because of his obnoxious behavior, Chris has been either temporarily or permanently '''banned''' from many places, physical or not.

==Shops==
===The GAMe PLACe===
{{main|The GAMe PLACe}}

According to [[Mimms]], Chris was banned twice. The first time, which was temporary, was when Chris attempted to get something from the back without permission. [[Michael Snyder]] later wound up permabanning him on 28 August [[2008]], after Chris got confrontational with a small [[niggo]], but even this failed to keep Chris away from the store. Following the events of [[28 October 2011]], Chris was definitively banned by court order from ever re-entering the store, all the way to its shutdown in [[June 2014]].

===Charlottesville Fashion Square===
{{main|Charlottesville Fashion Square}}

Chris was busted twice here, once for loitering and again for shouting in public. The second incident may or may not have been Chris's "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shout upon learning [[Hanna]] was [[troll]]ing him. He was banned for a year, but the ban has since expired. On 28 [[April 2012]], it's revealed he was banned again, this time from arguing with trolls loudly on his phone. He later got banned again after the [[26 December 2014]] incident (see below).

===Walmart===
{{main|Mal-Wart}}

Chris has been kicked out of Walmart on at least four separate occasions. On 23 June [[2005]], the [[Niggos|African-American]] manager of the [[Charlottesville]] store's [[McDonald's]] (depicted as the [[B-Manajerk]] by Chris in the comics) attempted to have Chris arrested for loitering, but his own fast thinking and hiding his Attraction Sign (which got him in trouble in the first place) ended up with him removed from the restaurant for the rest of the day (or so he says). The actual banning came two days later, 25 June, when Chris returned and attempted to loiter again. Both managers for McDonald's and Walmart confronted Chris, but Chris refused to listen to the managers, ran off and nearly ran ''over'' one of them. In late [[2009]], he returned to Walmart, forcing one of the female employees to measure him for a [[sports bra]].

Proving he learns nothing, Chris was again banned in September [[2013]], this time at the recent [[Ruckersville]] location, after vandalizing an Xbox One sign to read "[[HEXbox]] One", according to his [[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Chris Expresses His Outrage for Walmart|Facebook post]] on 6 [[September 2013]]. In the ensuing Facebook posts, he blames almost everyone else but himself for the ban, including [[Michael Snyder]], [[Megan Schroeder]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and even his defense attorney [[Rob Bell]]. A year later, Chris got thrown out of Walmart yet again, after an employee recognized and confronted him. He eventually left, but not before threatening the employee with pepper spray. For reference, this came less than a week after he was arrested for attacking an employee of another store with mace.

===Target===
{{main|Get-Tar Region}}

On 20 July 2005 (almost a month after Chris's incident over at Walmart), he attempted to loiter at a newly-built Target, intending on [[Obesity|exploiting their free soda refill deal]] while he tried to get boyfriend-free girls. According to [[Emily]], Chris was approached by management and asked to leave, but he refused. When the issue was pressed, he insulted them and forced them to call the cops. When they did, Chris tried to run, forcing them to tackle, hogtie and handcuff him. All this on the store's opening week!

===GameStop===
Chris had already been banned from the Fashion Square branch of local GameStop for his [[Sonic Boom Protests]] when, on 26 December 2014, he came [[Honor roll|"disguised"]] in a pair of [[My Little Pony]] [[Chris and fashion|novelty sunglasses]], supposedly intending to buy a new ''Skylanders'' figure and some second-hand Wii U games. However, the staff confronted him and were unmoved by his protests that he was there to actually buy stuff rather than vandalize their property. He eventually left, but not before assaulting one of the employees by spraying his can of pink mace at his shirt, [[Chris and the Law|a felony]].

As of 4 December 2015, GameStop has banned Chris from all of their stores in the state of Virginia. Chris uploaded [[GameStop is UNFAIR to Everyone; Not Just Me!|a video]] about this on 7 December, after he received GameStop's letter informing him of his statewide ban.

==Websites==
===PlayStation Network===
{{main|PSN blogs}}

Chris has gotten at least one temporary ban from the PlayStation Network's social networking features, as a result of making [[death threats]] to [[Adam Stackhouse]] and several others in one of his blog entries, over Adam's beating him in the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]] through what Chris incorrectly claimed was a violation of the rules. One of the site's moderators ordered Chris to remove the blog entry, and when Chris responded by saying "SHUT UP AND GO READ THE OFFICIAL RULES!!!!", he found himself being slapped with a temporary ban of approximately a month.

===deviantART===
{{main|deviantART}}

Chris has been banned twice from deviantART. Both times were for a reason that you can probably guess right off the bat: sexual imagery without even bothering to use the proper mature content filters. The first time was around [[May 2009]], most likely due to the imagery from [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]]; the second was August 28, 2009, due to the infamous cameltoe scene in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] and the sex scene between [[Blake]] and [[Bubbles Rosechu]] in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].

===YouTube===
{{main|YouTube}}
Chris abandoned many of his accounts after troll attacks. One of his accounts, CChanSonichu, was suspended because of [[The July 10th Messages|three insulting videos]] he posted in tandem on 10 [[July 2009]].

===Wikipedia===
{{main|Wikipedia}}

On 1 May 2009, Chris created an account on Wikipedia, hoping to show his side to his life story, one that wasn't "smeared" by trolls. It was deleted soon afterward for violating Wikipedia's policy on userpages and notability. When he attempted to contest this course of action, his user account was indefinitely blocked (although the blocking admin actually believed it to be a [[wikipedia:Sockpuppet (Internet)|sockpuppet]] of a troll and not the genuine article). As of now, the article name "Christian Weston Chandler" has been "salted" to prevent it from ever being recreated.

===Flipnote Hatena===
{{main|Flipnote Hatena}}

After uploading and re-uploading numerous Flipnotes that violated the rules of the family-friendly Flipnote Hatena site, the moderators banned him permanently from uploading Flipnotes on the 2nd of [[July 2010]]. Chris has since evaded his ban. Flipnote Studio 3D was later released in [[February 2015]] after Flipnote Hatena shut down on the 31st of [[May 2013]]. Only time will tell if Chris manages to get banned from that as well.

===eBay===
{{main|Original Sonichu and Rosechu Drawing}}

Chris has attempted to sell the [[Original Sonichu and Rosechu Drawing]] on [[eBay]] since 1 [[June 2014]]. Time and again, however, the listing for the picture was taken down, either as a result of troll involvement, the listing expiring (the asking price of thousands of dollars not helping in that respect), or in true Chris fashion, breaking the terms of services on eBay by asking for offers on Facebook. This would culminate in a 3-day ban from eBay on June 8th, 2014. Chris, being incapable of taking "no" for an answer, stated his intention to put the picture back up for sale again the minute the ban expires.

On 12 June, Chris reposted the listing, only for eBay to give him ''another'' ban. When his second ban expired, he reposted a heavily-edited version of the posting, although still possible violating several of eBay's terms again. A third strike against Chris's tarnished eBay name is expected. Only time will tell if the world's largest online vendor will be added to the list of places that kicks Chris out and never lets him back in.

Around [[September 2014]], a guy named "Mr. Smith" decided to order one of Chris's mass-market [[medallions]], thinking that it would take 2 weeks to ship, not to ''create'' the medallion itself. After 2 weeks passed by with the medallion still not arrived, he filed a case to eBay, thus freezing Chris's PayPal. This ''really'' got Chris's [[duck]] in a twist, and led to a complicated series of events that later ended in eBay refunding Mr. Smith.

===Sega Customer Service===
{{main|Sonic Boom Protests}}

GameStop is not the only place Chris is banned from for raging over ''Sonic Boom''. On 12 [[December 2014]], Chris sent Sega Customer Service an angry e-mail that raged over ''Sonic Boom'' and told them to recall ''anything'' with Sonic's blarms on it...or else. Later in the day or the day after that, Sega banned his Customer Service account from the service.

===Facebook===
{{main|Facebook}}

On 3 [[July 2015]], Chris's Facebook account was taken down very briefly. While it is currently unknown why this occurred, it can likely be chalked up to Chris bending the rules of the website as per usual. These include screenshots of sexting, pictures of lizards mating, his omnipresent death threats to Sega, and linking to a Wikipedia article about tribadism with a sexual image as a thumbnail. The last straw was when he uploaded a drawing called "Pink Lemonade", which featuring Chris being showered with pink lemonade (or, as [[Kim Wilson]] interpreted it, menstruation blood) from a pitcher pouring it through a [[china]]-shaped lemon, and bragging about how "It will be on Long enough for all to enjoy a glass." It's beyond surprising that Facebook was able to keep up with Chris's shenanigans for 4 years before taking it down for the 3rd time. His account was then put back up the same day, proving that Chris is the ultimate bullet-dodger.

However, it seems he hasn't got off quite yet, as a recent picture he posted of his [[manboobs]] on 9 July was surprisingly taken down due to reports, which is the first time Chris has had a photo taken down on Facebook. He then reposted it, leading to his account getting deactivated the second time this month. It was then put back up, then closed yet again, and ''then'' put back up. It seems that this might be where it continues on, but with Facebook taking down a post that asked Chris's followers to fund him a prosthetic china in [[September 2015]], only time will tell.

On 29 [[November 2014]], the makers of the [[Keep Sonic Original]] page banned Chris from the group after a post was made containing death threats to Sega. Also, on 4 [[October 2015]], Chris got booted off the Amiibo Trade & Collectors page for hostile posts and making Amiibos out of original characters.

===Lulu===
In [[December 2015]], Chris got his account suspended from independent literature hosting website Lulu. The website doesn't allow authors to publish fanfiction or stories based on copyrighted characters and/or properties from other creators. Given that Chris used the website to publish copies of ''Sonichu'', you can guess how this turned out. He later shifted his shenanigans to CreateSpace.

==Organizations==

===The Cub Scouts===

Chris stated in part 4 of his [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]] that he was kicked out of the "[[Wikipedia:Cub Scouting (Boy Scouts of America)|Wolf Cub Scouts]]" in the late [[1980s]] because he was autistic. Undoubtedly, it was for something he did that he didn't tell us about. His commentary suggested that he routinely angered his Den Mother with his illogical behavior and that he believed this to be the reason he is banned. In 2014, while on his [[Catie Date Conversation Transcript|date]] with [[Catherine]], he elaborated that he was probably "being outbursting and loud for something," although he couldn't remember. In [[Mailbag 18#Instead the courts were on the side of justice|a Mailbag]], Chris revealed that his parents tried to sue the Boy Scouts of America over this incident.

===Piedmont Virginia Community College===
{{main|Piedmont Virginia Community College}}

Two incidents occurred here. The first occurred on Chris's 21st [[birthday]], 24 February [[2003]]. Chris originally blamed the incident on him having an outburst when he was kicked out of a class after telling a male professor that he, like the main character in a story they were learning about, was autistic. According to [[Emily]], however, it turns out that he was kicked out because of his homophobic tendencies causing him to say something derogatory. In either case, Chris started his [[Love Quest]] this day.

The second incident occurred when, in mid-October [[2003]], Dean of Student Services [[Mary Lee Walsh]] spotted Chris and his [[Attraction Sign]] and took it away, criticizing Chris for his actions, as she believed he was trying to solicit sex on campus. When Walsh destroyed a second sign, Chris [[Chris and anger|raged]] and went on the offensive. This incident lead to her banning Chris for a year, forcing him to see a [[Autism papers|psychiatrist]] and go to anger management classes (neither of which seems to have helped).

===Grace Baptist Church===
{{main|Grace Baptist Church}}

Chris was banned from his old church in [[2008]]. He claimed in an email with [[lordsillynipples]], "Pastor John Hartless did not like my views I've expressed in [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|my video I did on my 25th Birthday]], and he found the [[ED]] page." Later, in [[Mailbag 14]], he claimed it was because "The pastor did a background check on me, and found images of [[Women's rights|women in bikinis]] on my [[Facebook]]; he was offended." Going by his frequent threats to use his new congregation as a personal army, it is not unlikely that Chris was booted out of the church when he linked his pastor to his ED page in the hope that Mr. Hartless would incite the congregation into raiding the ED page for Chris.

===Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church===
{{main|Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church}}

A [[Other documents#Epistle to the Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|letter]] leaked on 30 March 2013 revealed that some time between [[July 2011]] and [[March 2013]], Chris had earned himself a temporary ban from Wesley Methodist, probably because he had repeatedly (and annoyingly) aired his endless grievances about trolls during the homily.

{{quote|I feel that ever since Reverend Elizabeth Foss left our church, it has greatly gone downhill for me. Ed Winkler Banned me from the church for a month. He has Banned me from Speaking my peace during the Sharing of Joys and Concerns, and from that, I have felt unnecessarily Silenced.|Chris, on how his own church is now playing [[Kick the Autistic]]}}

{{Lists}}
[[Category:Places]]
[[Category:Lists]]

Death threats

2016-06-06T21:22:03Z

HarryHowler: This actually was the phrasing that Chris himself used in the death threat

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:Claw of fail 2.jpg|thumb|An evil man, plotting evil deeds.]]

Despite his belief that he is a compassionate, [[GodJesus]]-fearing person, [[Chris]] often goes on about how much he hates someone, or wants someone to suffer. In these rants, Chris occasionally crosses the line, and lets slip the fact that he honestly wants someone to die as horribly as possible. While it's clear that Chris is no legitimate threat to anyone's lives, the murderous revenge fantasies he has are frequently disturbing in their nature, especially for the often juvenile motivation for such threats. These '''death threats''' have become increasingly common since [[2009]].

==Means of delivery==
On a few occasions, Chris has dedicated special time and energy to immortalize his desire to kill in his [[comic]]. In these works, the person Chris wishes to destroy is often depicted as a purely evil villain, hellbent on the destruction of our innocent manchild hero. While these are much more noticeable than his other threats, they are also more infrequent, as Chris is lazy, and often unwilling to dedicate the time and energy to hurting his enemies in fiction. This list does not include real people who have been fictionalized and then assaulted by Chris in the comics, but rather, actual people who Chris has actually threatened.

The majority of Chris's cries for blood were delivered via [[YouTube]] videos. Compared to murdering somebody in a comic, shouting into a [[camera]] is very easy, and it allows Chris much more opportunity to scream and shout like the child he is. Lately, however, his preferred method of delivery seems to be [[Facebook]], and he has even gone a step beyond what he usually does by trying to post pictures and the personal information of his targets, almost as if he expects the trolls to suddenly take his side and go after them instead of him. ''('''Spoiler:''' They won't.)''

==Targets==
Either Chris's store of [[rage]] has steadily accumulated over years of trolling, or he's simply grown desensitized to the implications of calling for another person's death. While it was once a very rare occurrence for Chris to threaten or call for the death of his enemies, towards the end of [[2009]] and early [[2010]] Chris began screaming for murderous vengeance and penning elaborate, violent fantasies in the pages of his comic on a frighteningly regular basis.

===[[Adam Stackhouse]]===
One of Chris's earliest and broadest death threats targeted Adam Stackhouse, the winner of [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]] in [[2007]]. Chris's primary complaint was that Adam's video featured his sister Anna (Anna Stackhouse, not to be confused with [[Anna McLerran]]) in a supporting role, along with some beatboxing (neither of which was actually against the rules). He also had similar complaints about the second and third-placed videos, and so wrote a [[PSN Blogs|PSN Blog]] entry which included the following:

{{Quote|I curse those seven people (between the cast of the three illegal videos) to '''DIE and BURN!'''|Chris's idea of a calm response to disappointment}}

By itself, this could be written off as a pathetic outburst from a [[virgin with rage]], but Chris wasn't content to leave it at that; he elevated it to an actual death threat by creating [[CWC is Angry|a video]], the first two minutes of which featured nothing but Chris repeatedly shooting a picture of the Stackhouses. Whether or not the threats towards Adam (and the second and third-place contestants) were taken seriously, many felt that he was crossing the line by bringing Anna (who is considerably younger than Adam or Chris) into the matter, which is probably why he eventually removed the video from [[YouTube]].

In a rare display of conscience, Chris actually [[Chris Chan Update 24 September 2008|retracted and apologized]] for this death threat...about thirteen months after he first issued it. The offending blog entry was deleted by a PSN admin, after Chris responded to an earlier request to remove it himself by telling the admin in question to "SHUT UP AND GO READ THE OFFICIAL RULES!!!!" (earning himself a temporary ban from PSN in the process).

===[[Jack Thaddeus]]===
On [[Christmas]] Day [[2009]], Chris uploaded a video aptly titled "[[Kill De Jack]]", making public his great desire for Jack to die. So much for goodwill towards men. Oddly, he never actually physically demanded that Jack be murdered in the course of the video, spending most of his time bitching about the [[homos]]exual ads that Jack had placed on the [[CWCipedia]].

{{Quote|And to go back to the current topic, '''Kill de Jack Thaddeus'''.|Chris, [[Download For Play Only|changing topics]].}}

Chris verbally stated his intent to murder Jack on 26 [[December 2009]]. Then on the 27th Chris uploaded another [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|video]], where he switched it up by demanding that Jack save Chris the trouble, and kill ''himself''. These demands that Jack and [[Clyde]] murder themselves soon became the norm, showing up in videos, [[CWC Blog#28 December 2009|blog entries]], and scattered about on the [[CWCipedia]]. Needless to say, Jack continued to refuse to kill himself.

Unable to slay his enemy in the real world, Chris returned to his old revenge proxy--[[Sonichu (comic)|the ''Sonichu'' comics]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris trapped Jack and Clyde on top of the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building, and then assaulted it with powerful soundwaves. This compromised the building's structural integrity, and effectively doomed everyone inside it to death and dismemberment. Jack and Clyde, unable to escape the crumbling tower, opted to throw themselves down the elevator shaft to escape being crushed under the rubble. These pages prove once and for all that Chris is more than willing to slaughter hundreds just to get back at someone who was mean to him on the Internet.

===[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]===
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|Jason bleeding to death on the cold ground.]]

The creator of the [[ED]] page that brought Chris into the limelight has been the target of Chris's impotent cries for blood several times. The most notable instance of this is in [[Sonichu 8#Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage"|''Sonichu'' #8]], where Chris depicted him being brutally slashed, electrocuted and ''faceraped'' by [[Rosechu]]. It even gets stated outright that the assault was fatal, and that the only reason Jason was alive was due to "dark powers." Whether these powers are Jason's own psychic ability, or some malevolent force that merely wishes to see Jason suffer longer, is left ambiguous.

Chris also tried to play the [[True and Loyal Fanbase#Personal army|personal army]] game against him with [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|a video]]. While most of the message fell in line with the general "please troll this person instead of me" lines, one passage in particular stands out from the rest.

{{Quote|Shower him with as much hate as possible until that Encyclopedia Dramatica page is taken down, '''along with him'''.|Chris subtly expressing his desire for Jason to stop existing.}}

Also notable is the time Chris attempted to involve [[GodJesus]] in his murder plot. [[Chris and religion|They have yet to respond]].

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO KILL JASON KENDRICK HOWELL|Chris-chan, [[Sonichu Girls]] forum}}

And who can forget the phone call Jason received after [[Sonichu.net]] was hacked by someone Chris thought was him?

{{quote|[[Jason Kendrick Howell message|I! PRAY! YOU! DEAD]]!|Chris}}

Although Jason did create the original ED page, he has never had a particularly active role in tormenting Chris, choosing (like most of us) to simply enjoy the show. As such, while Chris has never really "forgiven" him, threats against Jason have essentially ceased as Chris shifts his focus to more immediate threats.

===Clyde Cash===

{{Quote|'''[[Song of Christian#Part 2|EEEEEEENNNNNNNNGH!]] I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH! I WILL...DIE HIS LIGHTS OUT! IF I EVER MEET THAT BASTARD...IN PERSON.'''|Chris, [[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|while smiling evilly]].}}

The undisputed leader and hero of all of Chris's [[trolls]], Clyde Cash has been on the receiving end of his fair share of death threats. The sheer hatred Chris holds for Clyde is impressive in its own right. With the other trolls, Chris has at least tried to appear subtle about his dark intentions, or kept his demands for their deaths relatively infrequent. Where Clyde is concerned, Chris is extremely upfront and clear about his desire to murder Cash. Even Clyde faking his own suicide was not enough to escape Chris's wrath.

{{Quote|CLYDE DO YOU HEAR ME?! YOU ARE DEAAAD! YOU ARE DEAD! '''YOU ARE DEAD!'''|Chris, [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|somewhat angry]].}}

Thereafter, Chris's cries for Clyde's blood upon took on much more serious undertones. While his earlier threats of strangulation and being forced to eat his own underwear were done with no apparent attempt to follow through on his dark words, more recent threats have come with demands that Clyde should come and face Chris in person, so that Chris might physically extract his revenge. It could be inferred by this that Chris has indeed planned out [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|exactly what his course of action would be if Clyde did suddenly show up at his front door.]]

{{Quote|You come to me. I will fight you! I will CRUSH YOU!|Chris, [[Challenge for Clyde|asking for a fight]].}}

Chris posted [[Don't Mess With Me| another video]] in which he roleplayed encountering Clyde Cash in real life. Upon being insulted by 'Clyde', Chris proceeded to pretend to beat up, choke, and finally slit the throat of the imaginary Clyde with a real knife, intended as an ominous warning to other trolls.

Chris's threats against Clyde culminated in a video where he, dressed as [[You Think You're a Man|Divine]], [[DivineTrial|ordered his execution]], with a Shadow the Hedgehog doll standing in for the "Cashey-type person".

Finally, there's the matter of Clyde's family. It's not enough for Chris to merely murder Clyde. Chris has shown that he feels the entire Cash family line is just as deserving of his rage as Clyde, and has stated this outright. The fact that this is essentially a small scale act of ''genocide'' has apparently not occurred to him.

{{Quote|THIS IS FOR CLYDE CASH TO EVERY LAST ONE OF HIS FAMILY MEMBERS INCLUDING HIS COUSIN [[Vivian Gee|VIVIAN]]!|Chris, immediately before [[Sign Destruction Video|sinking his teeth into a doll's head]].}}

===[[Liquid Chris]]===
[[Ian Brandon Anderson]] had made a number of videos raging against [[Liquid Chris|the real Chris]], but he didn't cross over into death threat territory until after Liquid declared himself the victor of the [[SingStar Challenge]].

{{Quote|'''DIIIIIIIIIEEEEE YOU!!'''|Ian, [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|eloquently expressing his disapproval]].}}

[[Image:BustACap.jpg|thumb|Ian's solution to boyfriends.]]

Ian's murderous tendencies showed up again in [[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler]]. In the video, Ian manages to twist a game made for children of all ages into a tool to spread his hatred, as he breaks into Liquid's home and shoots him. Due to the limitations of the game, this is accomplished with a paint gun, but what happens next makes his true intent all too clear.

In a stunning display of unoriginality, Ian reused exactly the same plotline for [[Sonichu Special 4]]. In this comic, Ian depicts Liquid as a knife-wielding villain who kidnapped [[Kacey]]. Upon arriving to "rescue" her, Ian produces a handgun (possibly [[Transformers|Decepticon]] leader Megatron in disguise), shoots Liquid in both his shins, and leaves him to bleed to death. When [[Kacey]] [[Kacey and Liquid Call|expressed horror]] at the fact that he wanted to kill her boyfriend, Ian missed the point about why she was so upset. He told her that he could re-draw the comic, and that such shots were meant to keep Liquid from chasing them, completely avoiding the issue that wanting to shoot someone or permanently cripple them is off-putting. Ian also tried to justify this with the fact that Comic-Liquid was coming at him with a knife, and didn't seem to comprehend the real source of Kacey's shock: she wasn't angry at Comic-Chris for defending himself (albeit in a cowardly way) as she was angry at Real-Chris for constructing a fantasy in which he could justify maiming and permanently crippling her boyfriend, and be completely in the right about it.

===Vivian Gee===
Afraid that Vivian would not understand the "fury of [his] wrath", Chris opted to use a visual aid. He accomplished this with a [[Clown Doll]] and a wooden spike.

{{Quote|NOW WATCH WHAT I DO WITH THIS AS I WILL DO TO VIVIAN GEE IF SHE DOES NOT S- TAKE DOWN EVERY LAST ONE OF [[Audiobooks|HER VIDEOS]] AND CLOSES HER YOUTUBE ACCOUNT!|Chris, expressing his desire to stab an innocent woman to death.}}

While there is an obvious difference between attacking a person and a doll, the sight of a grown man taking such obvious joy in the idea of violently killing a woman is disturbing nonetheless. The video also includes a threat against every single member of Vivian's family (including her cousin, [[Clyde Cash]]), though it's not clear if he actually wishes to kill them, or just beat them up and bite off their hats.

[[Image:YouDieTodayBitch.PNG|thumb|A friendly letter from Chris.]]

Vivian revealed in a now-deleted YouTube video that Chris also took the more direct approach to threatening her death. On 1 [[September 2009]] he actually sent her an E-mail directly demanding that she get a heart attack and pass away immediately. Fortunately, Chris [[CWC Update 7 July 2009|does not have the Death Note]], and Vivian survived.

{{Quote|D, Vivian G, D!|Chris, [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|13 September 2009]]}}

Chris later apologized for the threatening message. While the apology was more like begging for money then a genuine show of [[Chris and remorse|remorse]], it's possible that he realized that personally sending people death threats could actually get you in serious trouble and was making an attempt at damage control.

===Alec Benson Leary===
While Chris has no problem calling Sonichu a [[parody]] in a misguided effort to avoid copyright infringement and create a moneymaking franchise, when someone ''actually'' parodies Sonichu or any of his other creations, he goes right off the deep end. Alec Benson Leary is the gentle and kind creator of [[Asperchu]], which is effectively a parody of Sonichu himself as well as Chris's hatred of everything Asperger's and "seemingly" homosexual. For a few weeks after the comic's debut, Chris ignored Asperchu, regarding it as nothing more than a simple parody. Soon enough, however, many of his fans began abandoning Sonichu for Asperchu, and announcing their intentions in his [[Mailbag]].

On January 9, 2010, the first [[Captain's Log]] of that year, Chris [[Down with asperchu|called out Alec Benson Leary]] after advertisements for the Asperchu wiki (the [[Asperpedia]]) started showing up on the CWCipedia (replacing the homoerotic ads that had been an earlier source of turmoil). Not amused with the new ads or his Sonichu's appearance in the comics, Chris started raging out.

{{Quote|DIE, you son of a bitch, Alec, die!|Chris, being Chris as usual.}}

Alec represents the first time Chris has ever issued a public death threat to someone who had shown him respect. While most of the other individuals Chris has threatened have been antagonistic towards him, all of Alec's public communications up to that point had been a combination of respect and admiration. The only reasons Chris had to hate Alec was the fact that his character is overweight and his website runs on the same MediaWiki software. A few days later, Chris claimed that he knew where Alec lived in the description to one of his [[12 January 2010|videos]]. Fortunately for Alec, it was just another lie.

While delivering an in-depth analysis of [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|Asperchu]], Chris threatened to have the ghost of his dog [[Patti]] maul Alec to death in his sleep in hell. It is unclear if he realizes he implied Patti Chandler is in hell. Alec has responded to this most recent threat by using his adspace on the [[CWCipedia]] to ask people to donate to victims of the [[Wikipedia:2010 Haiti earthquake|earthquake in Haiti]]. Clearly, Alec is just as horrible a man as Chris claims him to be. Chris finally took his hatred of Alec to its conclusion in late February, slaughtering him in ''Sonichu'' #10 alongside Sean, Evan and Mao.

===Evan, Mao and Sean===
[[Image:SchuComic10P91.jpg|thumb|"BLOOD AND GORE!"]]

Chris included [[Evan]] and [[Mao]], two of Leary's partners in the creation of [[Asperpedia]], in another threat against Alec's life. Evan was most likely singled out because of his campaign to have [[Simonchu|his character]] removed from Chris's comic. Mao, on the other hand, has done nothing to Chris other than be a good friend to Alec. On 1 [[February 2010]] a reversing twist of situation appeared over the use of the adspace on [[CWCipedia]]. Mao was set on the receiving end of a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and then was asked to [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|"Take down the ads! Or prematurely ROT!"]] while, on the other side, Evan and Alec [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|received apologies]] for the death threats with a [[Chris and remorse#Motivation to apologize|hint of reciprocity]] for the management of the ads on Chris's wiki. This is all taken back when Chris tells them along with Alec and Sean to [[9 February 2010|"rot... in... HELL!!!"]]

{{quote|My amends have been made.|Chris, failing at respect and basic [[Chris and English|English]] after an unjust trial resulting in torture and execution.}}

Despite originally "having less offense" with Sean, Chris demonstrated considerable rage later on, threatening [[15 January 2010|to beat him]] and curse him. However, he refrained from crossing into death threat territory until [[Sonichu 10]] - wherein he drew the dazed and confused artist attempting to defend himself in court, despite [[Chris and the Law|totally unsubstantial "mental evidence" extracted from his mind being used against him.]] Then, approximately one page after finishing his [[Chris and remorse|apology]], he summarily [[Chris and death|executes all four of the poor bastards.]] While doing so, he has each of the extremely biased "victims" take part, including a toddler, and Chris himself. (Of note is that Chris literally [[Rage|depicts himself tearing out Mao's heart.]])

===[[Cogsdev]]===
A vague death threat was given when Chris discovered the [[CWCki]] on 11 [[March 2010]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Featured_Quote&curid=40&diff=4006&oldid=4005 where Chris claimed] "there will be trouble upon that Person directly from Me" unless every page about his sweethearts was removed by 12 March 2010. He later [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Featured_Quote&diff=next&oldid=4006 extended the deadline] to remove all traces of his sweethearts to 31 March 2010. This is due to Chris [[Wallflower#Anonymity|once again]] believing he was responsible for something becoming inaccessible on the Internet. His threat to [[Cogsdev|her]] was clarified in this extension, in which he said "The deadline is March 31, 2010, 11:59 PM, [[Chris and English|Easter]] Standard Time. Do it, or there WILL be trouble. I am [[Pocket knife|Armed]] after all." This threat was realized when Chris created an [[User:GodofThunderGodofWar|account]] on the CWCki, and proceeded to [[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki|fail at vandalism]].

Chris's threats were directed to the webmaster of the CWCki, and he initially identified the webmaster as male. As such, it is currently unknown whether Chris has managed to determine the identity of the webmaster, despite the domain name. He has yet to yell at her in a video, and given the death of the [[CWCipedia]] and his current attempts to avoid the Internet, it's unlikely he will.

===[[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]]===
On 2 [[March 2010]], after Surfshack Tito hacked into Chris's PSN account, he weakly threatened that (Tito) would "[[Patti|get yours in your dreams- your- in your nightmares]]", while also firing a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse Shot]]. Twelve days later, in his video "[[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]", he threatens Tito with his [[pocket knife]] and a [[Homos|panty shot in a kilt]]. Chris believed that Tito was the main reason [[The Wallflower]] stopped talking to him; the actual cause for their separation was partly due to concerned trolls and partly due to Chris's refusal to be "[[friend zone|friend-zoned]]". In either case, Chris's threat did not work; instead, he offended [[Cogsdev|countless]] [[User:Great Briton|citizens]] of Scotland and the United Kingdom in the same way he offended [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]] in his [[War Paint Video]].

On 17 [[March 2010]], Chris made his most threatening video yet: in it, he accused Surfshack Tito of being the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], a womanizer, and a rapist; called him a [[nigger]]; and promised to cut him up and squeeze his fat into his skull until it bursts open. This blatant display of racism is generally considered to be the event that prompted Jack Thaddeus to pull all of his ads from the [[CWCipedia]]. The CWCipedia was then taken over by Mao, allowing the Asperpedia Four to totally wreck Chris's shit.

===[[Lars McNulty]]===
On 25 September 2010, Chris unleashed his anger against Lars, Jackie's ex-[[Jerk|boyfriend]] by smashing a model boat made of [[LEGO]] symbolizing the Titanic with a figurine named "Lars" aboard. Two days later, Chris addressed to Lars a [[New Address|second video]] in which he claimed that he would [[CWC Fighter|"interfere"]] if Lars didn't [[Chris and hypocrisy|grow up]] and leave Jackie alone. He ended the video by throwing another toy boat to the ceiling.

===[[Michael Snyder]]===

On 13 February 2011, Chris released the [[Autism Tutorial]] levels in ''LBP2''. In part three of the series, a rant about Mary Lee Walsh segues into a death threat directed towards Michael Snyder, in which Chris expresses his wish that [[The GAMe PLACe]] would catch fire and burn down, killing Michael in the process.

The infamous [http://imgur.com/a/1HYJJ Imgur leak] would also reveal multiple wishes made by Chris that Michael should die, including one where he wished Snyder was murdered by gunshot.

===Mimms' Girlfriend===
{{quote|I still want to make Mimms' life the emotional hell he has turned my life into. Somebody, please, kill his girlfriend.|A leaked [[Twitter]] post from 12 [[May 2012]].}}

An archive of his hidden Facebook posts on Imgur revealed an enraged Chris demanding that somebody kill Mimms' girlfriend, claiming that he wanted to take away the "[[Women's rights|possession]]" that made Mimms feel happy the most.

===[[Megan Schroeder]]===

Yes, you read that correctly. A [http://i.imgur.com/mBFcon9.png leaked Facebook post] revealed that Chris was so bitter about his rejection by Megan, that he wanted to 'exact his fullest revenge' upon her, right before saying that she should be [[Sonichu_10#Trial_of_the_Asperpedia_Four|jailed and beaten]]. Ironically, [[Chris and hypocrisy|he follows up this very mean-spirited post by calling ''her'' "vile" and "wicked".]]

===[[CWCki Forums]]===

On 28 April 2012, Chris made the declaration that he found the CWCki Forums, that he knows where each member lives, and that he'll come after each of them.

===[[Mal-Wart|Walmart]] [[CWC-isms|"Lady Manajerk"]]===

After getting his ass [[Mal-Wart#Banished_from_the_region|(rightfully) tossed from Wal-Mart]] by the [[manajerks|manajerk]], Chris threw a tantrum on Facebook, saying that he'll have revenge, and that she would be "FIRED FROM LIFE!"

===Every Single Employee of Sega===
{{Main|Sonic Boom Protests}}

Even the creators of Chris's childhood hero are not safe from death threats. You might think this was because of one (or more) of their horribly underwhelming Sonic games of recent years, but no- Chris made this threat because the 2014 game ''Sonic Boom'' (and the accompanying TV series) changed the color of Sonic's arms from tan to blue.

{{Quote|You Either Recall EVERYTHING of the new Sonic Boom, RIGHT NOW, or I will Seriously RIP HIS ARMS OFF and Seriously '''Watch You All At SEGA DIE''' from this most Heinous Of Crimes EVER!!!|Chris, in a typical demonstration of where his priorities are.}}

Oh, and in case you're wondering whose arms Chris was threatening to possibly rip off, the [[Facebook]] post which contained this death threat was accompanied by a shot of an angry Chris holding a soft toy Sonic based off of the ''Sonic Boom'' design. Needless to say, many of his Facebook friends, including [[William Elliott Waterman]], immediately called him out for this absurd overreaction, to no avail. The following month, Chris escalated matters by posting the following to the "[[Keep Sonic Original]]" Facebook group:

{{Quote|WE NEED TO KILL SEGA INTO RECALLING EVERYTHING NOW!!! EVEN IF WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING LIKE PUT KNIVES AND BOMBS TO THEIR TROATS!!!|What happens when Chris doesn't get his way.}}

Not surprisingly, Chris was ejected from the group almost immediately. Undeterred, he set up [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!|his own group]], where he began making cryptic remarks about putting his "fingernails to Sega's throat." When others questioned him on what exactly he was talking about, he confirmed that yes, this was indeed ''another'' death threat:

{{Quote|But, now I am looking to '''slit their throats''' with my long fingernails to force the Total Recall of Everything Sonic Boom to Fix the Mistake to happen SOONER!|Chris, revealing his unusual choice of assassination weapons.}}

Thus far, Sega have not reacted to Chris's demands, not that this has stopped him from continuing his ''Sonic Boom'' protests, and even [[26 December 2014|escalating them]] to previously unseen levels.

On 9 [[June 2015]], Chris threatened Sega producer [[Omar Woodley]] with physical violence after it was revealed that ''Sonic Boom: Fire & Ice'' will be a thing.

===Himself===
Yes, you read that correctly. [[September 2013 Facebook Posts#God_Trolls_Chris_Yet_Again|After getting in a fender bender on 7th September, 2013]], Chris actually [[Chris and anger|snapped]] and prayed ''himself'' dead at the hands of God, similar to his past threat against [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].

==Chris as a recipient==
Chris said he allegedly received a death threat ("YOU'RE DEAD! YOU'RE DEAD!") from [[Michael Snyder]] on 4th [[June 2010]]. Given that Chris was trespassing at the GAMe PLACe again, and that Mike was under the impression that Chris was trying to [[pedofork|photograph his daughter]], this outburst seems fairly reasonable. Chris responded very negatively to this threat, [[Chris and hypocrisy|bitching about the "verbal harassment"]] in his next [[6 June 2010|video]].

Earlier, during the [[Ivy]] [[Saga]], Chris received a death threat from a Clyde Cash impersonator. Despite all of his tough talk, Chris was completely paralyzed by fear and actually [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shat his bed]] in terror. Before Ivy could convince him that the threat was an empty one, he had placed a decoy in his soiled bed and hidden under a pile of stuffed animals, as if he were a child hiding from the boogeyman.

==Likelihood of Acting Out on Death Threats==
As a bit of reassurance to anyone who thinks that Chris, a [[Autism|mentally ill man]] who has endured endless harassment from the [[trolls]] would one day [[Chris and anger|snap]] and [[Strangle_that_Clyde_Cash|attempt to kill somebody]], consider the following. For starters, Chris is a coward, and would likely [[Charlottesville_Fashion_Square#Chris_vs._Fashion_Square|run at the slightest hint of conflict]], possibly shitting himself in terror in the process ''(If you think that's an exaggeration, see the last paragraph under 'Chris as a recipient' above.)'' Secondly, Chris's poor [[Chris and Health|health]], clear [[Pull-up|lack of exercise]] and [[Don%27t_Mess_With_Me|slow reaction time]] would make being chased and overpowered by him in any instance a sheer impossibility unless the recipient is in far worse health than him. Also, Chris often assumes that his target would [[Don%27t_Mess_With_Me|simply stand there and let him carry out murder]], almost like an execution, and it's likely that should his target try to fight back, he'll be caught off guard. Last, but not least, Chris seems to prefer that his trolls come [[14 Branchland Court|directly to him]], as going out of his [[Chris%27s_room|comfort zone]] is far too much effort. Lest we forget, he [[Miyamoto_Saga#11_January_2009_to_15_January_2009:_Chris_Can.27t_Afford_to_Fly_to_Redmond|wouldn't even put up $800 to pursue his own lifelong dreams]], so what makes you think he'll even bother going after trolls, even ''if'' he [[Facebook#Maniacal_Laughter_from_Who_now.3F_Oh.2C_wait.2C_It_Is_ME.21_.3E8D|knew where they all lived]]?

Long story short, the most likely outcome of Chris attempting to follow up on his death threats would be a good old-fashioned game of [[Kick the Autistic]].

==See also==
*[[Chris and death]]
*[[Chris and anger]]

[[Category:Lists]]
[[Category:Things Chris likes]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

WTFIWWY Segment

2016-05-06T10:39:34Z

HarryHowler: Think this is now as complete as it's ever going to get, seeing how it's the better part of 18 months and Chris hasn't reacted

On 29 December 2014, Nash, the star of podcast channel Radio Dead Air and a member of the Channel Awesome (formerly known as That Guy With the Glasses) team, covered the [[26 December 2014]] incident along with his co-star Tara, as part of his weekly '''''What the Fuck is Wrong With You?''''' (WTFIWWY for short) segment, where the duo talk about instances of bizarre behavior that have been documented by major news sources and/or people on the Internet. Until this point Nash had shied away from the subject of Chris for much the same reason as fellow Channel Awesome producer Linkara, namely a desire to avoid bringing Chris any unnecessary attention, but decided that he had to cover this incident due to the large number of e-mails he received on the subject (at least 87 as of the podcast), and the incident being unusually insane even by Chris's standards.

During this segment, the two react to [[Chris]]'s actions with the expected level of shock (especially Tara, who had never heard of Chris before that day), along with watching the video taken by monozettai. Tara also compares the situation around Sonic's blue arms (and [[Sonic Boom Protests|Chris's subsequent reaction]]) to people flaming over the racial changes and Auto-Tuned musical numbers in the 2014 version of ''[[wikipedia:Annie (2014 film)|Annie]]''.

The video was later posted to the Channel Awesome website under the title "[[Chris and Religion|The Passion of the Chris-Chan]]", and Nash's high-ranking status among the site's producers meant that for part of 3 January 2015 until the following afternoon, the site's top video was related to Chris.

Chris hasn't given his reaction to this video, which is rather surprising given his knee-jerk reaction to almost any [[media]] publishing, mocking, or trying to knock sense into him. It's likely the burnout from the GameStop incident simply made him overwhelmed and unable to respond. This was also the first time that [[CWCki|this very wiki]] was mentioned in the media.

==Video==
<div style="text-align: center;">{{#ev:youtube|74RhbvS4N0Y}}
</div>

===Transcript===

''[This transcript begins 1:43 into the podcast; prior to this Chris is mentioned, but not by name, and with no specifics of the 26 December incident. Nash also notes that prior to this he never wanted to cover Chris]''

'''Nash:''' Tara...are you familiar...with Chris-Chan?

'''Tara:''' [''hesitantly''] ...no.

'''Nash:''' Okay. This is a ''[[saga]]''. This is not just an--an Internet story, this is a fucking...saga. Chris-Chan is an individual who...loves [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]]! ''Loves it''.

'''Tara:''' The Hedgehog?

'''Nash:''' Yes.

'''Tara:''' Not, like, [[List of restaurants#Sonic|the...fast food chain]]?

'''Nash:''' No.

'''Tara:''' Okay.

'''Nash:''' The hedgehog. Loves fucking Sonic to an ''insane'' degree. And, uh, he--e also does a webcomic...I loosely use that word, about a [[Things Chris has ripped off|totally original]] character that he created, called [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], which is a combination of Sonic and [[Pikachu]]. [[Chris and copyright|That is all his]].

'''Tara:''' Oh...!

'''Nash:''' Totally original. And if it were just this...it would be one thing. But over the course of the last few years, fuelled by [[4chan]] and [[trolls]] of various assortments, he has gone on a strange, bizarre, si-sliding rollercoaster of utter...madness. There is a wiki devoted to this person. He does not author said wiki, it's done by other people, chronicling the madness. Now, the incident we're talking about today, the reason we're getting to it today, is that...he was arrested. I'd like to say "at long last," but apparently [[28 October 2011|this is the second time]], but no, today, he was arrested...well, not today, it was on the 26th. He was arrested, and the incident was caught on video. [''pause''] Now, the reason this happened, apparently, is there is a new ''Sonic'' game called ''Sonic Boom''. Most of us who played--

'''Tara:''' They just got to that now?

'''Nash:''' Yeah. Most of us--

'''Tara:''' How long's this been a character, and they just got to that pun now?

'''Nash:''' They'd--I...well, yeah. [''shrugs''] I guess. The game is called ''Sonic Boom''. Now, most of us, we recognize this is a bad game for many reasons. The camera's awful, the characters never shut up, the gameplay is horrific, it's just a bad game. But no, this is not Chris-Chan's problem with ''Sonic Boom''. Chris-Chan's problem with ''Sonic Boom''...is that they changed Sonic's '''arm color''' from white...to blue. This has caused...a [[rage]] among--in his mind. Flames, flames, ons--that kind of...yeah. To the point where he went to his local [[GameStop]]--according to reports--attempted to deface the ''Sonic Boom'' display. Now, he's ''already'' [[List of places that have banned Chris|been banned]]...from this GameStop...

'''Tara:''' Tell 'em, Steve-Dave!

'''Nash:''' Yes, exactly! He had been banned from the GameStop before, but then...[''to his computer''] come on, I mean--I have to show them the video. Then, ladies and gentlemen, we got video! This happened. And...a--a--a...let me see if I can give you the actual video link, Tara...or just quickly type in... go to Google, and google "Chris-Chan GameStop." It's slow as dogshit, I'm sorry, I--I put the link on there, but...here we go!

''[The now-infamous video appears in a box next to the video streams of Nash and Tara]''

'''Tara:''' "Chris Chan Maces a GameStop Employee?"

'''Nash:''' Yup.

'''Tara:''' Because they changed the color of...?

[''In the video, Chris blows a raspberry, yells "Don't call anybody!" and sprays pepper spray at a GameStop employee'']

'''Nash:''' And there he goes! Hits the guy in the yellow shirt with pepper spray. [''Tara is staring at her own computer screen in visible shock''] I'll play that one again for you, as it's brief, but it happens. What you hear him say is "Don't call anybody!" is what he tells... that's his instructions. Anyway, here we go.

[''The video is shown again'']
[[File:Ezimba14644786010700.jpg|thumb|Nash and Tara view the infamous bystander video.]]
'''Nash:''' There we go, and...sprays the guy with pepper spray. [''Tara silently gasps''] And, that--that--that's what happened. And shortly after this, the [[Jerkops|police]], who were, um, none too pleased about this... you see, while it may not--I don't understand, and, uh, other people ask me about this, it's not a big deal anymore because "Well, uh the cops'll hit you with the pepper spray and th--and the taser, so what's the big deal?" Well, even if you don't hurt somebody--and the guy at the GameStop was not really hurt--the act of spraying someone with pepper spray, is an--that's considered an assault.

'''Tara:''' Yeah, you can't just do that to people. Um, like...if you have, like, a really good reason then yeah, they'll let it slide. But yeah, you can't just do that. And, wha--I--I don't understand why... your version of events here. Like, he went in...to protest Sonic's arms being blue--

'''Nash:''' Yes.

'''Tara:''' You know, fight the power, young man.

'''Nash:''' Yeah.

'''Tara:''' How did that progress to macing an employee in the face? Clearly, like, that employee probably didn't have anything to do with the changing of Sonic's arms.

'''Nash:''' No. But he has been banned from this GameStop before this. For this kind of shit. They progressively told him, "Stop coming here. Don't do this kind of thing." And, he...now, he's out on bail right now. God knows how much that's costing. He was arrested, he was held until today, from, uh, over the weekend, he's out on bail, and his version of accounts...he likens that GameStop employee you just saw, the one who was pretty much just standing there...

'''Tara:''' Yeah?

'''Nash:''' To leaping out at him in a darkened alley, like a rapist.

[''Tara looks from side to side, clearly not sure how to react. There is a long pause.'']

'''Tara:''' Does he know that he's not a police officer? [''Nash shrugs; Tara laughs nervously''] You can't just...you don't get to say, "I feared for my life."

'''Nash:''' No! You do-ho-hon't!

'''Tara:''' Unless you're a cop who kills somebody.

'''Nash:''' It...it's just THIS...really, this is the hill you wanna die on?

'''Tara:''' I...I honestly don't, like...I'm not a video game person, my nephew got a bunch of new video games for Christmas that he keeps trying to talk me into playing. He got me to play ''Minecraft'', for...I think for, like, ten minutes before I drowned in lava?

'''Nash:''' Sounds about right, yes.

'''Tara:''' Today we played some fishing game, I didn't catch any fish. He keeps trying to get me to play ''Disney Infinity'', and I'm like, I can't dishonor Captain America that way, because he has the full Avengers set. Um, so, um, I'm not a video game person. I played ''Rock Band'' sometimes--

'''Nash:''' Alright, alright. What if Captain America, in the video game, was red? What would your reaction be?

'''Tara:''' Uh, well, that'd be...weirdly...Communist, for Captain 'Murica to be wearing.

'''Nash:''' Okay.

'''Tara:''' And kinda strange. I might, like, tweet about it a couple of times.

'''Nash:''' There you go. Yeah, yeah. Would you, in fact, pick up a chemical weapon and go to your nearest game store?

'''Tara:''' Probably not.

'''Nash:''' Probably not. No. That's not what you do in this situation.

'''Tara:''' That's not what we call a proportionate response. Nor is it an effective one. Like, I've worked retail for a long time, and I'm here to tell you, the people working in the store? Fuck all to do with the decisions that are pissing you off. We're not the people who decide on the price of the item, when the store closes, how many we get in stock, what color Sonic the Hedgehog's arms are...

'''Nash:''' Uh-uh. Nope.

'''Tara:''' And if we were the people making those decisions, we wouldn't be working on Christmas Eve, in a store. So, coming after the retail people? Getting you ''nowhere''.

'''Nash:''' Nnnno, 'cuz they really...[''stutters'']

'''Tara:''' We are the Morlocks, living underground on-- ''[Audio briefly cuts out]''

'''Nash:''' When I was younger, I would get so much into a fucking tizzy about shit. Inconsequential bullshit, pop culture, it would just piss me off to great lengths about, "That shouldn't be like that, that's stupid--"

'''Tara:''' Well, when you think that people are pissed off that Annie's black...

'''Nash:''' Well, that--

'''Tara:''' She's supposed to be a redhead, and I'm like, okay, I'm about the biggest redhead elitist you're likely to meet. And they were like "Annie's going to be black," and I was like, "Oh. Alright."

'''Nash:''' I was, apparently, as far as Annie goes, I was told that the worst offense was that Cameron Diaz should apologize to Carol Burnett.

'''Tara:''' I've heard she's the weakest link, yeah. I've heard--I heard they added a couple of songs that don't really fit with the whole thing. Those are the two biggest actual problems that I heard. But people are really pissed off that Annie's black, and I'm like....."Why?"

'''Nash:''' Yeah. And, you know...

'''Tara:''' Like, it's not actually a plot point in the movie that she's a redhead. It's not. Like, she happens to be, but it doesn't affect anything. Like, there's no reason why Annie can't be black. Or why Daddy Warbucks--or, I think his name is Will Stacks now--can't be black. There's no reason why Annie can't be white and Will Stacks... ''it doesn't matter''!

'''Nash:''' And I don't recall anyone going down to their local Carmike Cinema and macing the fucking guy with the popcorn.

'''Tara:''' Well...

'''Nash:''' They're not paid enough to deal with this shit!

'''Tara:''' Give it a week or two, the movie just opened.

'''Nash:''' It's, well, i's been out on the Internet for a while. Thank you, Sony hackers. We've got more tonight, and oh, god...and--you know what, here's the thing. While Chris-Chan is such a popular Internet topic--

'''Tara:''' Is that his real name, like, [[Christopher's name change|he changed it]] because of 4chan or something?

'''Nash:''' Christian...Christian Weston Chandler.

'''Tara:''' Okay. 'Cuz, you said "Chris-Chan," and I was like, is that the new 4chan, 8chan? Are they just naming them now? They ran out of numbers?

'''Nash:''' BobChan, CarlChan, DaveChan...

'''Tara:''' Yeah...Jackie Chan?

'''Nash:''' I'm gonna tell you, our last story tonight, when we get to it, will kind of make this one seem inconsequential. But you wanted me to report on it, Internet, and I did! So...there, you go.

[''This transcript ends at 12:46 in.'']

==See also==
*[[The Kevin and Bean Show Segment]]
*[[Toucher and Rich Segment]]

==External links==
* [http://channelawesome.com/wtfiwwy-live-the-passion-of-the-chris-chan/ The full podcast on Channel Awesome]

[[Category: Media that has been published in real life]]

Chris in the media

2016-04-29T19:41:52Z

HarryHowler:

[[Image:The truth about cwc.jpg|thumb|right|Just you wait.]]

[[Chris]], being an attention whore of sorts, has frequently managed to find himself in the '''media''' spotlight. Whether it be [[Chris and television|television]], newspapers, magazines or, of course, [[Chris and the Internet|the Internet]], if Chris can find some way to get his 15 minutes of fame, he'll do it.

==Traditional media==
===''Richmond Times-Dispatch''===
{{main|IT TOOK A TALKING BEAR TO GIVE THE NAME A YOUNG BOY LOVES}}

In 1993, the ''[[Wikipedia:Richmond Times-Dispatch|Richmond Times-Dispatch]]'' newspaper ran an article detailing how Chris changed his name from "Christopher" to "Christian". This was Chris's first known appearance in media.

===Sonic The Hedgehog Watch And Win Sweepstakes===
{{main|Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes}}

Chris's second appearance in the media was a news report in [[1994]] chronicling Chris's first victory, winning a contest celebrating one of the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] cartoons.

===Chris Chan in the PokéNews===
{{main|Chris Chan in the PokéNews}}

In [[1999]], Chris made his third appearance in a news report on the growing success of the Pokémon Trading Card Game. He was 17 years old at the time, and he was playing [[Pokémon]] cards with [[Pedofork|kids as young as 8]].

===''Nintendo Power'' Magazine===
{{main|Nintendo Power Magazine}}

Twice, Chris has used the magazine ''Nintendo Power'' to get himself attention. First was a letter Chris wrote telling Nintendo how he used a [[Sprung|video game]] to cure his [[Noviophobia|fear of talking to girls]]. The second time detailed Chris's ''Animal Crossing'' video, though there he was known as [[Sonichu]], not Chris.

===[[Shoujo Beat]]===
{{main|Shoujo Beat}}

Chris sent a letter to an [[anime]]-themed magazine that got published in its November [[2005]] issue. In it, he complains about [[JERKS]] taking away all the pretty [[boyfriend-free girl]]s and leaving him to be a [[Virgin With Rage|lonesome virgin]]. A response was published in the March [[2006]] issue, in which the writer instructs Chris on the error of his ways.

===Daily Progress===
[[Image:CWCinDailyProgressJuly142007.jpg|thumb|Admit it, if you've never heard of Chris before, would you think that they were actually referring to a 25-year-old man here?]]

On 14 [[July 2007]], the Chandlers were mentioned in the ''Daily Progress'' section of their local newspaper.

===Toucher and Rich===
{{main|Toucher and Rich Segment}}

On 12 [[May 2009]] Chris's antics became so famous that it sparked the interest of a radio podcast in [[Wikipedia:Boston|Boston]]. The whole media furor was sparked by the "[[I Got A Fish]]" video. However, most of the show covered Chris's videos addressed to [[Ivy]].<ref>[http://www.wbcn.com/topic/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=3705145]</ref>

===Kevin and Bean===
{{main|The Kevin and Bean Show Segment}}

One of Chris's [[Captain's Log]]s is dissected by the hosts [[Wikipedia:Kevin and Bean|Kevin and Bean]]. Notably, the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|video in question]] required ''a full two minutes'' dedicated to disclaimers, as well as censoring of [[Semen#Recycling|certain]] [[Honest content|unairable]] [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|acts]] .

===''Web Soup''===
{{main|For G4s Web Soup}}

Once again, Chris's "[[I Got A Fish]]" video was briefly featured, this time on [[Wikipedia:G4 (TV channel)|G4]]'s ''[[Wikipedia:Web Soup|Web Soup]]'' on 2 [[July 2009]]. While the segment lasted less than 30 seconds, Chris initially felt honored and used the opportunity to try to score some [[china]], only to belatedly realize after he uploaded an entire video about it that shows like ''Web Soup'' are devoted to mocking people like him.

===Save McIntire Park===
{{main|McIntire Park}}

In [[July 2009]], Chris briefly appears in the background of a news segment about saving McIntire Park, [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville]]. Later, Chris receives recognition at a council meeting for drawing a large sign.

===''Slylock Fox''===
[[File:SonichuSlylockFox25Sep2011.JPG|thumb|115px|"Christian Weston Chandler, Age 9"]]

On 25 September 2011, ''[[Wikipedia:Slylock Fox & Comics for Kids|Slylock Fox & Comics for Kids]]'', a comic strip about comic strips published by King Features Syndicate, featured a black-and-white image<ref>[http://content.comicskingdom.net/Slylock/Slylock.20110925.gif]</ref> of [[Sonichu]] in the "Your Drawing" panel. The illustration, which ran in thousands of papers nationwide, was accompanied by text, which read: "Today's terrific artist is Christian Weston Chandler, Age 9." The strip's author, Bob Weber Jr., admitted on the Comics Curmudgeon blog<ref>[http://joshreads.com/?p=10951#comment-1014594]</ref> that he fully believed that the "artist" was 9 (rather than 29) when he selected the drawing out of the dozens that are submitted to the strip every week.

===Opie & Anthony===
{{main|Opie and Anthony}}

On 27 [[May 2009]], ''[[Wikipedia:Opie and Anthony|The Opie & Anthony Show]]'' on [[Wikipedia:Sirius XM Radio|Sirius XM Radio]], which was broadcast to 18.5 million units, [[Opie and Anthony|did a commentary segment]] on Chris's video response to drinking his own [[cum]] and shitting his adult diapers. It is unknown whether he's realized that his [[autistic]] antics have technically been broadcast to low earth orbit.

===''Houston Press''===
On 12 [[July 2012]], the ''[[Wikipedia:Houston Press|Houston Press]]'' published an article on Rex Nabours III of defunct folk punk band Guwange and his attempts to raise money for sick children. Nabours was quoted in the article saying "I did a Christian Weston Chandler (the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' guy) [[Trollsta's Paradise: A True and Honest Tribute to Christian & The Hedgehog Boys|covers album]] earlier this year with the intent of giving any money I made off of it to Autism-related charities because the dude is basically [[Song for Jackie.MOV|blackface]] for autism".<ref>http://blogs.houstonpress.com/artattack/2012/07/rex_nabours_extra_life.php</ref>

===''Failosophy'' ===
[[File:TG20.jpg|thumb|Featured pic]]

MTV's show ''[[Wikipedia:Failosophy|Failosophy]]'' mocked Internet idiots like Chris. While the show lasted a mere 3 months due to negative reception, one of his [[Tomgirl]] pics memorably and unsurprisingly showed up in the 4th episode of the show, viewed by almost a million people. Jump to 0:26 for his appearance.

{{Infobox/video
|name= Chris-Chan on MTV's Failosophy
|video= {{#ev:youtube|Hqy4scnj1EI}}
}}

Chris, unusually, gave a response via [[Facebook]].

{{quotebox| I had no ill will against MTV. I enjoyed the women in "[[Wikipedia:Undressed|Undressed]]"; I like [[Beavis and Butt-head|Daria]]; the [[Dating education|dating game show]] was fun to watch, and to put them way at the bottom, [[Beavis and Butt-head|Beavis and Butt-Head]] were [[Christian Weston Chandler|so stupid, it became crazy-funny]].

I have been the victim of Trolling/Cyber-Bullying for the past greater than five years. I get that whatever gets onto the [[Chris and the Internet|internet]] is near impossible to remove.

And now I find that among the shit I was trolled of, this ONE photograph, which was originally taken for a WOMAN years ago, gets compared with a literal meat-head and a plush-head, and is made available on iTunes for two dollars!

From the one woman's words, Jamie Lee... I don't know what is worse, that she would not date me, or that she would put me in jail over a freaking couch. Lee, My Once Good Name was actually Jailed, because of the SET UPS those Anonymous, LULZy, Shit-Faced TROLLS. [[Chris and reality|At least I was more clean, sexy and gung-ho than either of the ugly, grimy freak shows I was compared with.]]

If I did not have a very good day beforehand today, I would seriously be [[Chris and the Law|calling my Attorney]] on your damn show's ass.|[[Christian Weston Chandler]], after 950,000 people saw him on ''[[Wikipedia:Failosophy|Failosophy]]''.}}

To this day, Chris has not followed up on this threat of legal action. The episode with Chris in it also remains available on iTunes.

===Local TV Broadcast===
{{main|Destruction of Chris's House}}
A local TV broadcast gave a brief report on the [[Destruction of Chris's House]].

{{Infobox/video
| name = Fire at 14 Branchland Court
| video = {{#ev:youtube|qkYnMRh26Oo}}
}}

==Major Internet media==
===''Honest Game Trailers''===

Three minutes into the video, Chris is brought up as an example of the horrors of the Sonic fandom. Less than a minute later, Sonic is jokingly referred to as Sonichu.
{{Infobox/video
|name= SONIC THE HEDGEHOG (Honest Game Trailers)
|video= {{#ev:youtube|TR7r4PlNeOY}}
}}

===Fark.com===
The world-renown Internet portal [[Wikipedia:Fark|Fark]] to [[ECV 00095]] on 5 [[May 2009]].<ref>[http://www.fark.com/cgi/vidplayer.pl?IDLink=4369161|Fark linked]</ref>

{{quote|You don't need to search any longer, the [[The Creepy Stare|creepiest]] person on [[the internet]] has been found|A Farker}}

===Heavy.com===
Chris tops the site's list of the 20 Worst Internet Losers, posted 13 [[July 2010]].

{{quote|There could be no other choice to close out this list. Christian Weston Chandler, aka Chris-Chan, is like every horrible thing about [[the Internet]] made flesh. [[14 Branchland Court|Lives]] with his [[Borb|parents]], sponges off the [[Monthly tugboat|government]] and uses the cash for [[PS3|PlayStation 3]] games and [[sex toys]], walks around the [[Fashion Square Mall|mall]] with his Game Boy [[love quest|looking for girlfriends]], posts incoherent YouTube videos of himself [[For Julie's Eyes Only|humping an anime bodypillow]] and yelling “Oh, [[Julie]],” the list will go on forever. C.W.C. is the ''ne plus ultra'' of Web losers.|Heavy.com, [http://www.heavy.com/comedy/2010/07/the-20-worst-internet-losers/4/ 20 Worst Internet Losers]}}

===Harry Partridge===
[[Image:HappyHarryRosechu.jpg|thumb|125px|"Actually, it is excellent; I would not change a thing about it." -Chris, [[Mailbag 9]]]]
Animator Harry Partridge (best known for his [[parody|slanderous mockery]] [[Wikipedia:Saturday Morning Watchmen|Saturday Morning ''Watchmen'']]) has made several references to Chris and Sonichu, the first of which being a drawing of [[Rosechu]] uploaded to Newgrounds.<ref>[http://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/happyharry/rosechu ]</ref> An animated version of Chris appears briefly in the animated cartoon short "Nicolas Cage Wants Cake", a musical remix of a scene from ''[[Family Guy|The Family Man]]''.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PJddmfesa]</ref> In the animated short "Skyrim", [[Son-Chu]]'s "SONICHU" license plate can be seen in the background during the first scene.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9eGtyqz4gY]</ref> In the Followup, "Song of Skyrim", Chris makes a brief cameo in the crowd scene.

Harry himself has commented on [[TheCWCvilleLibrary]]'s upload of the [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] song "[[I'll Never Leave You, Ivy]]", jokingly stating "I want this played at my funeral."

When interviewing Harry Partridge on Animation Aficionados, the hosts asked Harry about Chris's cameos in some of his videos (from 0:19:43). The discussion the hosts have with Harry about Chris is quite lengthy, during which Mr. Partridge admits that he is "obsessed with him":<ref>[http://animationaficionados.com/2011/08/23/episode-35-harry-partridge/]</ref>

{{Quote|1=I really am obsessed with him... I check [[CWCki|''Sonichu.com'']], the wiki about Chris-chan and his weird life, if not daily, every couple of hours... there must be more written about Chris-chan than George Washington. |2=Harry Partridge|3=}}

===''Atop the Fourth Wall''===
Comic book reviewer Lewis [[Sonichu & Rosechu… The Genesis of the Lovehogs|Lovhaug]] (a.k.a. "Linkara") goes on a brief tirade in his 99th video "Top 15 Things I Will Never Review" about ''Sonichu'' on the subject of webcomics at the 24 minute mark.<ref>[http://atopfourthwall.blogspot.com/2010/09/top-15-comics-ill-never-review.html]</ref>

{{Infobox/video
|name= Linkara Discusses Sonichu & Chris-Chan
|video= {{#ev:youtube|mDfRk0qt5HQ}}
}}

{{quote|"But wait," the internet cried back, "let me tell you about the horror that is called...Sonichu!" Yes people, I have heard of Sonichu. I really wish I ''hadn't'' heard of Sonichu. I would be a much happier man if I hadn't.|Linkara, speaking for everyone who has ever become aware of Sonichu.}}

While he'd previously made the point that he wouldn't review webcomics in general, Linkara didn't want to review ''Sonichu'' in particular because he didn't want to acknowledge it further. He describes Chris as a "[[The Tale of the Crazy Pacer|creepy stalker]]". Towards the end of the episode, a character tries to pressure Linkara into reviewing ''Sonichu'' before Linkara settles on reviewing a ''Sonic the Hedgehog'' comic for his 100th episode. At the end of the video, he uses "Weird Al" Yankovic's "Do I Creep You Out?" as the credits music, a possible jab at Chris.

===RayWilliamJohnson===
{{Infobox/video
|name= =3 - I will end you!
|video= {{#ev:youtube|q2jERPp3Z0w}}
}}

{{quote|Wait a minute, did he just say he recycles his...HOLY SH*bleep*IT! Oh, that is some NASTY sh*bleep*t, oh, oh GOD!|Ray, representing pretty much anybody who saw the video for the first time}}

In an early episode of ''=3'' (pronounced "equals three"), vlogger Ray William Johnson made fun of Chris's habit of [[recycling]] his [[navy]]. Though he never gave Chris's name, referring to him rather inaccurately as "your average ''[[Captain's Log|Star Trek]]'' fan", he did provide a link to Chris's old channel. Jump to 2:09 in the linked video.

===Something Awful===
{{Infobox/video
|name= Sonic the hog
|video= {{#ev:youtube|pIKTFNTBM_0}}
|subject= Reupload by Owldof Hootler
}}

The last episode of [[Wikipedia:Something Awful|Something Awful]]'s “Webcam Ward” is a commentary on [[ECV 00002]].<ref>[http://www.somethingawful.com/d/webcam-ward/sonic-the-hog.php]</ref>

Also, the first episode of The Flash Tub's "Gaming Guyz", while not mentioning Chris outright, directly references his [[medallion]], and how Sonic cured his autism in Part 12.<ref>[http://www.somethingawful.com/d/flash-tub/gaming-guys-cartoon.php]</ref>

===SpliceToday.com===
An article<ref>[http://www.splicetoday.com/digital/come-back-christian-weston-chandler]</ref> posted on 6 January, 2011 on this multimedia blog decried Chris's latest exile from the Internet. It sums up Chris's history and behavior while sharing a personal account of the author taking steps to improve his life in order to distance himself from the similarities he saw between Chris and himself.

{{quote|It’s a little sad, and a little beautiful, and somewhere out there, Christian Weston Chandler is heating up his [[:File:Kroger sighting.jpg|Hungry Man]] lunch in a supermarket microwave (because his [[kitchen]] microwave has been buried under old Christmas decorations) and playing his [[Nintendo]] DS, and maybe ogling a salesgirl from across the produce section before he approaches her awkwardly and uses a pickup line that he misread from the Internet, and I wish I could continue to see it all.|SpliceToday.com, Come Back, Christian Weston Chandler}}

===Nicole Richie's twitter===
On 5 [[December 2009]] American socialite [[Wikipedia:Nicole Richie|Nicole Richie]] posted on [[Twitter]]<ref>[http://twitpic.com/s7pfi]</ref> an image of Chris in his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]'s underwear and humorously presented it as a picture of [[wikipedia:Benji Madden|Benji Madden]], brother of her then boyfriend (now husband) [[Wikipedia:Joel Madden|Joel Madden]].

===Sega Acknowledges Sonichu===
On 13 [[January 2012]], two [[Sega]] of America employees corpsed in one of their "Free Stuff Friday" videos when one talked about a Super [[Sonic]] plush they were giving away and the female called it "Sonichu?". While this is not [[TRUE and HONEST]] Sonichu [[Jimmy Hill|merchandise]], it shows that at least some Sega employees are aware of Sonichu's existence. Jump to 3:50 in the linked video.

{{Infobox/video
|name= SEGA's Free Stuff Friday - January 13, 2012
|video= {{#ev:youtube|Cnoq4-Mhpgc}}
}}

Chris saw the video and [[List of Christian's comments on Youtube|commented]], ''I do not find that commentary funny at all. In fact, I feel pissed off to be ridiculed soo lightly.''<ref>[[List of Christian's comments on Youtube#SEGA's Free Stuff Friday-January 13, 2012]]</ref>

===Maddox===
Internet comedy writer [[wikipedia:Maddox (writer)|George "Maddox" Ouzounian]], best-known for his website [http://maddox.xmission.com The Best Page in the Universe], critiqued Chris's [[:File:001-Christophers1stSonic.jpg|first drawing of Sonic the Hedgehog]] on one of his side-projects, [http://www.iambetterthanyourkids.com I Am Better Than Your Kids], as one of many children's drawings to help promote his novel of the same name. Like most other works on the site, Maddox gave the drawing an F. <ref>[http://www.iambetterthanyourkids.com/?p=117]</ref>

===Cvillepedia===
On a wiki dedicated to Charlottesville culture and "celebrities," he has what can only be described as a tongue-in-cheek article.<ref>http://www.cvillepedia.org/mediawiki/index.php/Christian_Weston_Chandler</ref>

===Cracked.com===
[[File:CWccracked.jpg|thumb|200px|#22 on Insane Subcultures.]]
Chris showed up on [[Wikipedia:Cracked.com|Cracked]]'s front page as #22 on 9 [[April 2014]] as part of "25 Insane Subcultures You Won't Believe Actually Exist".<ref>[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_859_25-insane-subcultures-you-wont-believe-actually-exist/]</ref>

===Smosh===
Chris's Sonic Totem statue was featured one Smosh's site, via the 'Smosh Pit' section which mostly contains articles, countdowns and memes. It was listed in the [http://www.smosh.com/smosh-pit/photos/people-who-tried-crafts-pinterest-and-totally-nailed-it| '22 People Who Tried Crafts On Pinterest and TOTALLY NAILED IT'] article.

===IMDb===
Chris has his own IMDb entry page. To date he only has two credits, both in the "archive footage" category; the aforementioned ''=3'' video, and the later WTFIWWY segment.<ref>[http://www.imdb.com/name/nm4813395/ IMDb page]</ref>

===Wii U Daily===
The website Wii U Daily has an article on the [[GameStop]] incident that occurred on [[26 December 2014]].<ref>[http://wiiudaily.com/2014/12/man-maces-gamestop-employee-over-sonic-boom/ Man maces GameStop employee over Sonic Boom | Wii U]</ref> Chris eventually found the article, then proceeded to go on a long rambling on Facebook on why the writer should respect him and his terrible ways--even going as far to call the writer a horrible male, despite the writer being ''fe''male.

===Reddit===
There is an entire subreddit on the popular website Reddit entitled "r/cwc", which is predictably all about Chris and his shenanigans. Eventually, however, it was later set to private mode and cannot be viewed unless you are a moderator or approved submitter.

On 23 [[September 2014]], the subreddit r/shittykickstarters linked to Chris's [[Kickstarter]] project for getting Legos.

On 1 [[January 2015]], the Wii U Daily article about the 26 December 2014 incident was linked to another subreddit, r/rage.<ref>[http://www.reddit.com/r/rage/comments/2r0kyh/man_maces_gamestop_employee_over_sonic_boom/ Man maces employee over Sonic Boom : rage]</ref>

===Radio Dead Air===
{{main|WTFIWWY Segment}}

On the 29 December 2014 edition of his ''What the Fuck is Wrong with You?'' podcast, Radio Dead Air (and Channel Awesome) star Nash and his co-star Tara discussed the 26 December 2014 incident. Until this point Nash had shed away from discussing Chris for much the same reason as Linkara, but decided he had to discuss it to the overwhelming volume of attention and e-mail the incident generated, along with the utter insanity displayed by Chris.<ref>[http://channelawesome.com/wtfiwwy-live-the-passion-of-the-chris-chan/ WTFIWWY Live: The Passion of the Chris Chan]</ref>

===Design & Trend===
On 30 December 2014, website Design & Trend also posted an article about the 26 December 2014 incident.<ref>[http://www.designntrend.com/articles/33011/20141230/gamestop-maced-shocking-assault-sonic-fanboy-over-sonics-arms-sonichu-jailed-watch.htm GameStop Employee Maced In Shocking Assault By 'Sonic' Fanboy Over Sonic's Arms: 'Sonichu' Creator Jailed]</ref> The article link has apparently been [[Twitter|tweeted]] 15 times, according to the website.

===ReviewTechUSA===
{{Infobox/video
|name= Chris Chan Assaults Gamestop Employee Over Sonic Boom
|video= {{#ev:youtube|2zBXTErUpbc}}
}}

On 2 January 2015, ReviewTechUSA made a video about the 26 December 2014 incident.

===The Mysterious Mr. Enter===
Animation reviewer The Mysterious Mr. Enter made a slight nudge at Chris while preparing to rant about the infamous "I Am Autism" commercial from [[wikipedia:Autism Speaks|Autism Speaks]] (one of many reasons why the organization is disliked among the autism community), saying that it "makes autistic people look worse than...I dunno, Chris-Chan does." Jump to 2:15 in the linked video--and by the way, that is a microphone, not a giant Icee cup.

{{Infobox/video
|name= Mr. Enter Speaks About Autism Speaks
|video= {{#ev:youtube|rMPNvcJtIR8}}
}}

===Game Grumps===
{{Infobox/video
|name= Leisure Suit Larry 6: Too Easy - PART 13 - Steam Train
|video= {{#ev:youtube|xbTmGQUWwjM}}
}}

{{quote|Ross: "You'll be like Sonichu- the electric hedgehog Pokémon."
Suzy: "Oh man, my dreams come true..."}}

In an episode of ''Steam Train'', Suzy walks into the Grump Room mid recording to quietly grab a blanket. Ross and Dan draw attention to her anyway, and they warn her they blanket is full of static electricity and it may just make her like Sonichu, to which Suzy is less than enthusiastic about. Jump to 6:00 for the whole conversation.

===SuperPrincessDaisy64===
{{Infobox/video
|name= Boom Shadow
|video= {{#ev:youtube|LtVamUVxMa8}}
}}

Chris appears at 1:13 where the song mocks him for disliking the blarms. Of note is that [[Wikipedia:Mike Pollock|Mike Pollock]], the TRUE and HONEST English voice actor for [[Doctor Robotnik|Dr. Eggman]], has commented on the video and given it his approval, meaning yet another of Chris's heroes is at least tangentially aware of his existence.

===Sega Acknowledges Sonichu Again===
On June 10, 2015, a fan asked the official [[Twitter]] account of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] (which has been verified and everything) if [[Sonichu]] will be playable in ''[[Sonic Boom]]: Fire & Ice''.<ref>https://archive.is/eWfjQ</ref> Their response?

{{quote|Maybe, but only if we give Sonichu blue arms, three scarves, and ultimately just redesign him as Big the Cat.}}

===Crave Online Australia===
[[File:ChrisSonichuSupanova.png|thumb|200px|Cosplayers as Christian and Sonichu at Supanova Sydney in 2015]]
Crave Online, a website showcasing various video coverage from games, films, sports and others topics covered a convention in [[PandaHalo|Australia]] called Supanova in 2015. A duo cosplayed as Chris and Sonichu, making a brief reference to [[Shigeru Miyamoto|Nintendo]] rejecting Chris's game proposal.<ref>http://www.craveonline.com.au/entertainment/articles/869761-watch-supanova-pop-culture-expo-2015-sydney-wrap</ref>

===Larry Bundy, Jr.===
Chris made a cameo appearance in the "''Apaches''" episode of ''Films Yanks Can't Wank'', during a mention of [[Jimmy Hill]]. Jump to 1:55 in the linked video.

{{Infobox/video
|name= Films Wanks Can't Wank - Apaches (HD)
|video= {{#ev:youtube|W3JjyoEhCuo}}
}}

===CatalystEXE===
CatalystEXE, most famous for being the voice of Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life, made a drawing of Christian, Rosechu (with a [[china]] for a mouth), a [[pickle]], and Sonic during a livestream. Watch from 46:12-58:21 in the video to see him draw the picture. He also made two comments regarding Christian.
[[File:Cata4.png|thumb|200px|The drawing in question. Reads: "My feet are so hot and sweaty from running around all day! Maybe you can help me cool off!"]]
[[File:Cata.PNG|thumb|200px|His first comment]]
[[File:Cata2.PNG|thumb|200px|His second comment]]
{{Infobox/video
|name= Art
|video= {{#ev:youtube|GCSVSpo6eRk}}
}}

===Drunken Peasants===
Chris appeared on the ''Drunken Peasants'' podcast (starring TJ, also known as [[Thorg|The Amazing Atheist]]) episode 129 on July 10, 2015.

{{Deletedvideo}}

{{Infobox/video
|name= TJ Slaps Stevie - Confederate flag Taken Down in SC - Stupid Ads - DPP #129
|video= {{#ev:youtube|pBC7EMkQzzI}}
}}

===The Jimquisition===
In his review of ''Sonic the Hedgehog 2 3D'' for the 3DS, Jim Sterling gives a list of reasons why the original ''Sonic 2'' was an all-time classic. In this list, Jim mentions that the game is "a great way to meet [[boyfriend-free girl]]s," and also makes reference to the blue arms controversy.<ref>[http://www.thejimquisition.com/sonic-the-hedgehog-2-3d-review/]</ref>

===Your Movie Sucks===
33 seconds into YMS's review of ''Cyberbully'', the infamous picture of Chris wearing Barb's bra and panties is shown when Adam says "You can control what you post." The photo was actually leaked, but the point still stands given that one can control what pictures they take of themselves.

{{Infobox/video
|name= YMS: Cyberbully (Full Review)
|video= {{#ev:youtube|fi8A-GHOo8c}}
}}

===Adam Baldwin's twitter===
On 5 December 2015, actor [[wikipedia:Adam Baldwin|Adam Baldwin]] tweeted an image showing photos of various people who are either opposed or supporitve of GamerGate. At the top of the image on its far left side a picture of Chris can be seen.<ref>[https://archive.is/2oxcX]</ref> The tweet was later on deleted.<ref>[https://twitter.com/adambaldwin/status/673221909681602560]</ref>

==Video Games==
===McPixel===
On 25 [[June 2012]], the indie game ''McPixel'' featured a homage to [[Chris humps his PS3|Chris' sexcapades with inanimate objects]] by having a special ending sequence depicting the titular character dry-humping a PS3 in the same stance Chris was.

{{Infobox/video
|name= McPixel Extra Ending
|video= {{#ev:youtube|TWHd_10zcaY}}
}}

===Goat Simulator===
[[File:Goat.jpg|thumb|300px|The goat unfortunately named Chris-Chan.]]
The "Goat MMO Simulator" DLC pack adds a simulated MMO mode that parodies games such as World of Warcraft. AI-controlled goats simulate the presence of other players, and their names are drawn randomly from a list of pre-generated names. 'Chris-chan' is one of the names on this list.

===Akinator the Genie===
"Chris-Chan Sonichu", "Sonichu", "Rosechu", "Magi-Chan", and "Bob Chandler" are guessable characters in the online/iOS game ''Akinator the Genie''.

===OK K.O.! Lakewood Plaza Turbo===
An iOS/Android beat-em-up based on a Cartoon Network pilot, ''OK K.O.!'' introduces certain characters with a short biography screen (including a quote). The one for Carol (the player character's mother) has her saying "Go out and defend our Plaza--to the extreme!" (clearly echoing the cover to [[Sonichu 0]]).<ref>http://imgur.com/wvpZ8uW</ref>

Worth noting is that ''OK K.O.!'' is intended for general audiences.

==References==
<references/>

[[Category:Media that has been published in real life]]

Get-Tar Region

2016-02-05T19:14:42Z

HarryHowler: Minor detail, but Chris wasn't technically acquitted, the state just dropped the case before it went to trial

[[Image:Target Charlottesville.jpg|thumb|200px|The [[Charlottesville]] branch of Target.]]
[[File:TargetCVille.jpg|thumb|200px|Another view of the same store as it appeared in [[April 2015]].]]
On 20 July [[2005]], Chris felt it'd be a great idea to head down to his local '''Target''' mall store and continue his [[Love Quest]]. After being told to leave because he was loitering and disturbing customers, Chris fought back and was eventually restrained, handcuffed at his wrists and ankles, and even worse, cuffed to a wheelchair like a [[slow-in-the-minds|slow-in-the-mind]]. Chris was charged with trespassing and disorderly conduct in the aftermath of the incident, though the state ultimately decided against taking the case to trial.<ref name="2005 Disorderly Conduct">[[:File:20050720-GC05009339-00.png|Disorderly conduct charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref><ref name="2005 Trespassing">[[:File:20050720-GC05009340-00.png|Trespassing charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref>

==In Chris's own words==
Chris described the incident in an entry to [[CWC's Diary]].

{{quotebox|"July 20, [[2005]]: … I was at the new [[Wikipedia:Target Corporation|Target]] store, just hanging around, not bothering anyone. And, from out of the blue, these two [[Manajerks]] asked me to leave, because they said that I was loitering; I was NOT! I was there hoping to find an 18-23-year old, Boyfriend-Free girl, like I usually do.

Then, from out of the blue, after I told them off, they came back with two [[Jerkops]]! I was slightly intimidated, but mostly annoyed and ready to strike back on them. They asked me to leave, and never return. I did not want to leave. I would have left peacefully, in fact, I was ready to go, but I had a prepared speech to say to them stupid Jerkops. And, during the middle of my speech, they chased me, pulled my pants, and pinned me to the floor. Five Jerkops dog-piled on me as I struggled to get free. A thousand pounds of [[pickle|sausages]] on my [[obesity|180 pound body]] was seriously a cut-off for my Breathing Flow. They handcuffed my wrists and legs, and they hog-tied me! Not only did I felt humiliated from being the victim, but I was angry at them! Not only for handcuffing me, but once again thwarting my efforts in trying to find a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]].

They drove me to the county jail, but fortunately, they did not keep me there; I was released to my [[Bob Chandler|family]]. But now I have to go to court on July 29 at 9:00 AM at the Albemarle County Courthouse, close to the Downtown Mall.

So now, I feel very miserable, sad, lonely and rejected. And, while I had the handcuffs on me, both my hands, mostly my right, were seriously cut off from blood flow, and they both felt numb. It was terrible. But [[Barbara Chandler|my mother]] and I are going to get back at them in court, in fact, I learned that the Jerkop who arrested me was called [[Bagget]] (that was the only thing about the situation that was hilarious; replace the “B” with an “F,” and you can see how [[Random-access humor|funny]] it was).|[[Christian Weston Chandler]], comic genius}}

==In Chris's comics==
The incident distressed Chris so greatly that he adapted it into Sub-Episodes 7 and 8 of [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]], entitled "Off-Target." "Cleverly" renaming Target as "the '''Get-Tar Region'''" (which causes many newfags to think Chris is talking about the guitar retail chain [[Wikipedia:Guitar Center|Guitar Center]]), the story seems surprisingly faithful to what really happened that day, at least until the sword-fight and the part where his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|imaginary twin sister]] saves him from a [[Transformers|Transformer]].

What's interesting to note about the story is how Chris betrays himself in his attempt to whitewash the story to make himself the hero. At the beginning of "Off-Target," he all but admits that he plans to use the new locale to sit around all day, using [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]] to fill the singularity inside his gut with their soda, drawing his shit [[comic]]s, and waiting for tee-totaling Aryan supermodels to show up and bear his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|children]].

{{quote|This is a great set-up.. an open bar facing the path to the exit, a dollar for a drink with free refills, and all the ladies will have to walk by me. I'm bound to be found by a [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend free, 18-23-Year old girl]] now. Especially since this [[Love Quest]] has been going on for about two years now. Toodie-Froodie, drawing comics all day long. [[Excel Saga|Only three days since I skipped my last deadline!]] :)|Christian Weston Chandler, [[Sonichu 4|Sonichu #4]]}}

So by Chris's own admission, his intention was to pay the good people at Target a dollar a day to let him sit in their store and bother female customers until he got laid or [[death|died]], whichever came first. Strangely, the management wasn't really thrilled with this arrangement, and as the comic shows, Chris clearly can't understand why loitering on private property is bad.

Instead of focusing on the Manajerks'/Jerkops' motivations, Chris simply infers that they despise him for being a [[virgin with rage]], and places the most attention on the indignity he suffered from his arrest. Hence, the comic shows Chris being tackled (albeit by a giant robot), "hog-timed" (complete with apple, as if he were about to be rotisseried), and hauled off for trial (by [[Mary Lee Walsh]], in a scene ripped off from ''[[Wikipedia:The Transformers: The Movie|The Transformers: The Movie]]'').

In another example of how selfish Chris really is, he essentially writes [[Barbara Chandler|his own mother]] out of the story, and has Crystal rescue him instead. That's gratitude for you.

The [[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris lies about The Game Place|correspondence with Jackie]] revealed that in the ensuing trial, Chris thought that his work with the [[The GAMe PLACe#Chris the Card Gamer|Pokémon TCG League]] let him off the hook. In reality, the charges were likely dropped either due to insufficient evidence, the state just not feeling the case was worth pursuing, or realizing that Chris would likely just pull the [[autism]] card and get off with minimal punishment. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting", whereas the actual charges were "Disorderly Conduct" and "Trespassing"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his [[Love Quest]] efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

==The real story==
{{quote|I'm sure you all remember the Target incident. Where he got "hog tied" by the [[jerkop]]s, had his pants pulled down, face rubbed against the carpet and cried a tear of blood? Yeah, about that. First, he was kicked out within a few days to a week of Target opening. That's just sad. When he was approached by management to leave, he ignored them. When they kept pressing, he finally back talked them and called them jerkops. When the cops came, guess what Chris did....[[Chris and the Law|He tried to fucking run.]] Hence why he was hog tied and I'm sure in that struggle his pants just happened to come off.|[[Emily]]}}

==Recent years==
Chris evidently started shopping at Target again an indeterminate amount of time after the incident, either through the store employees agreeing to drop the ban, or just forgetting about it. One of these visits was part of his [[Sonic Boom Protests]], where he planned to vandalize any ''Sonic Boom''-related stock that they had. However, he found out that the game boxes were held in a locked case and, clearly forgetting any lessons learned nine years prior, settled for raging at a couple of employees over the store's decision to stock the games.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image: Chris-Straw.jpg|[[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|Summary of Chris's agenda at the Get-Tar Region.]]
Image: Targetincidentrendition.jpg|An artist's rendition of the target incident.
Image: Chris-Dog-Pile.jpg|The Jerkhief puts his thousand pound sausage in Chris.
Image: Chris-Carpet-Burn.jpg|HOG-TIME HIM!
</gallery></center>

==See also==
* [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail]]

==External links==
*[[Wikipedia:Target Corporation|Target Corporation]] at [[Wikipedia]]

{{Places}}
{{CWCverse}}

[[Category:Attraction Locations]]

Kenneth Erwin Engelhardt

2015-08-13T09:32:52Z

HarryHowler: /* Relationship with Chris */

<div style="position:fixed; bottom:0; right:0">[[Image:Kengle_Pop-up.gif|55px]]</div>
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
| colspan="2" | [[File:260px-Kenneth_Erwin_Englehardt.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" | Kenneth Erwin Englehardt
|-
| '''Full Name'''
| Kenneth Erwin Englehardt
|-
| '''Nickname'''
| Kengle
|-
| '''Religion'''
| [[Twin Falling Towers|Muslim]]
|-
| '''Age'''
| 56
|-
| '''Gender'''
| [[Male]]
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[American]]
|-
| '''[[Race]]'''
| White
|-
| '''Education'''
| DeKalb Technical College ([[Wikipedia:Associate_degree#United_States|AAS]], accounting)
Kennesaw State University ([[Wikipedia:Bachelor of Business Administration|BBA]], accounting)
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Bookkeeper
|-
|}

'''Kenneth Erwin Englehardt''', affectionately nicknamed '''Kengle''' by Christorians, is one of [[Chris]]'s [[Facebook]] [[white knights]]. As an overweight, inept, autistic, middle-aged, part-time bookkeeper and accountant with a penchant for creating bizarre artwork, Kengle naturally feels as though he shares a lot in common with him.

Kengle is also notable for being one of two confirmed genuine fans of [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] during the comic's run (another being [[The July 10th Messages|Sonichuizcool]]).

== Relationship with Chris ==
Kengle's intentions towards Chris seem entirely [[True and Honest]]. Kenneth will often give praise to Chris when he feels there is justification in doing so. A notable example of this was praising on Christian on some of his artwork a [[medallion]], having an opinion on a [[video game]], and breathing in and out. That being said, he'll occasionally make what appears to be a subtle jab at Chris, and even outright call him out when he's clearly in the wrong, in particular over the events of [[26 December 2014]].

Kenneth is well-known for his artwork: Sonichen and Rosechen [http://www.sonichenandrosechen.com/]. While he was initially rejected as a troll by Chris, this is no longer the case, and they have been Facebook friends for quite a while. Kenneth remains the only person on record to have made a Sonichu-Derivative website. Occasionally, he does post on Chris's Facebook statuses. There is some debate on whether Kenneth can be considered a member of Chris's inner circle on Facebook, they do have a number of mutual friends, the most notable being [[William Elliott Waterman]], but Kenneth is often flatly ignored and sometimes treated contemptuously by Chris. Despite being known as a lolcow on the forums, by and large he is actually quite well-liked on Facebook.

Kenneth has also hosted anti-bullying forums in the past, on Sonichu.org and Spergweb.com. Technical issues (caused by his unfamiliarity with forum design) and trolling forced these off the internet. While Chris did express interest in his idea of making a fan-site, this did not materialize due to Kenneth's unfamiliarity with Dreamweaver.

Kengle has also bought several of Chris' [[eBay]] items, and sent him some sardines after Chris's [[Destruction Of Chris's House|house burned down]]. Kengle is considered a lolcow in his own right in part due to his bizarre [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] fan comic ''Sonichen,'' which is somewhat reminiscent of low-budget Eldritch abominations. As far as can be deduced, Chris is only vaguely aware of this horrific homage, and disapproves. [[Parody|Ironically]], Kengle justifies his comic as a parody.

Ken once bought a ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' comic book. The problem was that it contained a preview for ''[[Sonic Boom]]'' at the start, which predictably got Chris hotheaded.

Although Kengle is classified as lolcow in his own right in part due to his bizarre artwork and websites, he is considered more of a borderline/low-grade cow compared to more infamous cows on the forum. It was recently noted that Kenneth's Sonichen and Rosechen website was dismantled and rebuilt as a general website to exhibit his artwork. Whether the comic will return remains to be seen.

Kengle has also become known on the forums as a "lolcowboy" as he has befriended and can often be seen pandering to multiple notable lolcows on Facebook.

==Relationship with Trolls==
Kengle was banned from the [[Kiwi Farms]] because he does not seem to comprehend that there are [[trolls|mean people on the Internet]], and instead believes that everyone is genuinely interested in Chris as a cool famous Internet dude who everyone wants to befriend. A thread was made specifically about Kengle, and it has ballooned to 120 pages, and counting.

In many ways, Kengle is the [[Rosechu]] to Chris's [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]; a useless borderline-NPC character who shows up occasionally to be mildly annoying.

==External Links==
* [http://www.sonichenandrosechen.com/ Kengle's ''Sonichen'' website.] '''Note:''' Will cause nightmares.
* [http://www.kennethengelhardt.com Ken's official website]
* [http://lolcow.wiki/wiki/Kenneth_Erwin_Engelhardt Kengle on the LOLcow Wiki]

{{people}}
[[Category:People]]

July 2015

2015-07-05T07:45:23Z

HarryHowler: /* Events of July */

{{Ongoing}}

'''July''' is the 7th month of '''[[2015]]'''. So far, it has seen about as much activity as any other month this year. However, on July 3, Chris's [[Facebook]] profile was taken down. It is currently unknown what happened, but it's likely that [[Ween|someone]] reported something Chris posted and got him banned. At any rate, his profile came back up later the same day. This is also the month that [[Magi-Chan]] is to travel to in order to receive the [[Sonichu 10|"homo cure."]]

==Events of July==
* 2 July - Chris claims on Facebook that he has entered an online [[GameStop]] competition as an "ironic joke", and in the same post rants about GameStop needing some type of background check to enter the competition.
* 2 July - Chris shares a Facebook picture that quotes "I'M PROUD OF MY [[Heart level|HEART]]. IT'S BEEN PLAYED, STABBED, CHEATED, BURNED AND BROKEN, BUT SOMEHOW [[Obesity|STILL WORKS]]." and above it Chris comments "Not to mention Soul-Shattered, Beaten, Scarred, Blackmailed, Duped, Deceived, and all that shit the fake exes, [[Trolls]] and Cyber-Bullies had done to me."
* 2 July - Chris posts on Facebook that he woke up and was happy that he had "Fresh Grown" boobs that fit into a D-Cup Brassiere.
* 2 July - Chris reveals a new drawing on Facebook called "Pink Lemonade", with tons of phallic imagery. This turns out to be Facebook's last straw, as the next day...
* 3 July - Chris's Facebook is removed, only to be put back online later in the day without any provocation.
* 5 July - In response to an article claiming that model Chrissy Teigen is trolling Instagram by posting a photograph where her nipples are clearly visible, Chris posts a rant on Facebook, saying that no-one should ever use the word "trolling" or any variant thereof, as it reminds him of the trolling he has received since 2007.
* 23 July - Chris' next court date.
* 31 July - Magi-Chan travels through time to this date to receive the "homo cure."

{{Timeline}}

Template:Da update

2015-07-03T10:30:36Z

HarryHowler:

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>
* 3 [[July 2015|July]] - Chris's [[Facebook]] page is deleted.
* 13 [[June 2015|June]] - Chris is disappointed by the fact that [[My Little Pony|Derpy]] is referred to in the credits as "Muffins".
* 12 June - Chris attends the [[Impulse Gay Social-Club]] again and takes pictures of himself being a burlesque dancer.
* 12 June - Chris says he'll stop hating ''Sonic Boom'', on one condition--that Sega ''gives 10 valid reasons why Sonic's arms should be blue''.
* 12 June - Chris says the gender-bender of [[Chris-chan Sonichu|Chris-Chan Sonichu]] is good simply because he is a female soul in a [[JERKS|JERK]] body.
* 11 June - Chris continues to pester his white knights into rallying against you-know-what. Twice.
* 11 June - Chris's latest court date. The result was, you guessed it, '''''another fucking continuance'''''.

<noinclude>{{clear}}{{Usage|1= This template sits in a place of pride on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It is a list of recent Chris-related activity, namely new content. To prevent the list becoming too long, older entries should be removed as newer ones are added - with no more than 7 entries being displayed. To add new update to the list, simply edit this template and place a brief description of what happened at the top of bulleted list. Entries should also be documented on the [[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|current month article]].}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>

WTFIWWY Segment

2015-04-27T20:28:43Z

HarryHowler:

On 29 December 2014, Nash, the star of podcast channel Radio Dead Air and a member of the Channel Awesome (formerly known as That Guy With the Glasses) team, covered the [[26 December 2014]] incident along with his co-star Tara, as part of his weekly '''''What the Fuck is Wrong With You?''''' (WTFIWWY for short) segment, where the duo talk about instances of bizarre behavior that have been documented by major news sources and/or people on the internet. Until this point Nash had shied away from the subject of Chris for much the same reason as fellow Channel Awesome producer Linkara, namely a desire to avoid bringing Chris any unnecessary attention, but decided that he had to cover this incident due to the large number of e-mails he received on the subject (at least 87 as of the podcast), and the incident being unusually insane even by Chris's standards.

During this segment, the two react to [[Chris]]'s actions with the expected level of shock (especially Tara, who had never heard of Chris before that day), along with watching the video taken by monozettai. Tara also compares the situation around Sonic's blue arms (and [[Sonic Boom Protests|Chris's subsequent reaction]]) to people flaming over the racial changes and Auto-Tuned musical numbers in the 2014 version of ''[[wikipedia:Annie (2014 film)|Annie]]''.

The video was later posted to the Channel Awesome website under the title "[[Chris and Religion|The Passion of the Chris-Chan]]", and Nash's high-ranking status among the site's producers meant that for part of 3 January 2015 until the following afternoon, the site's top video was related to Chris.

Given that Chris has reacted towards almost any media publishing, mocking, or trying to knock sense into him, we have yet to see his reaction to this, but as of [[April 2015]] he has not reacted.

This is also the first time that [[CWCki|this very wiki]] was mentioned in the [[Chris in the media|media]].

==Transcript==

''[We begin 1:43 into the podcast; prior to this Chris is mentioned, but not by name, and with no specifics of the 26 December incident. Nash also notes that prior to this he never wanted to cover Chris]''

'''Nash:''' Tara...are you familiar...with Chris-Chan?

'''Tara:''' [''hesitantly''] ...no.

'''Nash:''' Okay. This is a ''[[saga]]''. This is not just an--an internet story, this is a fucking...saga. Chris-Chan is an individual who...loves [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]]! ''Loves it''.

'''Tara:''' The Hedgehog?

'''Nash:''' Yes.

'''Tara:''' Not, like, [[List of restaurants#Sonic|the...fast food chain]]?

'''Nash:''' No, the hedgehog. Loves fucking Sonic to an ''insane'' degree. And, uh, he--e also does a webcomic--I loosely use that word--about a [[Things Chris has ripped off|totally original]] character that he created, called [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], which is a combination of Sonic and [[Pikachu]]. [[Chris and copyright|That is all his]].

'''Tara:''' Oh.

'''Nash:''' Totally original. And if it were just this...it would be one thing. But over the course of the last few years, fuelled by [[4chan]] and [[trolls]] of various assortments, he has gone on a strange, bizarre, si-sliding rollercoaster of utter...madness. There is a wiki devoted to this person. He does not author said wiki, it's done by other people, chronicling the madness. Now, the incident we're talking about today, the reason we're getting to it today, is that...he was arrested. I'd like to say "at long last," but apparently [[28 October 2011|this is the second time]], but no, today, he was arrested...well, not today, it was on the 26th. He was arrested, and the incident was caught on video. [''pause''] Now, the reason this happened, apparently, is there is a new ''Sonic'' game called ''Sonic Boom''. Most of us who played--

'''Tara:''' They just got to that now?

'''Nash:''' Yeah. Most of us--

'''Tara:''' How long's this been a character, and they just got to that pun now?

'''Nash:''' They'd--I...well, yeah. [''shrugs''] I guess. The game is called ''Sonic Boom''. Now, most of us, we recognize this is a bad game for many reasons. The camera's awful, the characters never shut up, the gameplay is horrific, it's just a bad game. But no, this is not Chris-Chan's problem with ''Sonic Boom''. Chris-Chan's problem with ''Sonic Boom''...is that they changed Sonic's '''arm color''' from white...to blue. This has caused...a [[rage]] among--in his mind. Flames, flames, ons--that kind of...yeah. To the point where he went to his local [[GameStop]]--according to reports--attempted to deface the ''Sonic Boom'' display. Now, he's ''already'' [[List of places that have banned Chris|been banned]]...from this GameStop...

'''Tara:''' Tell 'em, Steve-Dave!

'''Nash:''' Yes, exactly! He had been banned from the GameStop before, but then...[''to his computer''] come on, I mean--I have to show them the video. Then, ladies and gentlemen, we got video! This happened. And...a--a--a...let me see if I can give you the actual video link, Tara...or just quickly type in... go to Google, and google "Chris-Chan GameStop." It's slow as dogshit, I'm sorry, I--I put the link on there, but...here we go!

''[The now-infamous video appears in a box next to the video streams of Nash and Tara]''

'''Tara:''' "Chris Chan Maces a GameStop Employee?"

'''Nash:''' Yup.

'''Tara:''' Because they changed the color of...?

[''In the video, Chris blows a raspberry, yells "Don't call anybody!" and sprays pepper spray at a GameStop employee'']

'''Nash:''' And there he goes! Hits the guy in the yellow shirt with pepper spray. [''Tara is staring at her own computer screen in visible shock''] I'll play that one again for you, as it's brief, but it happens. What you hear him say is "Don't call anybody!" is what he tells... that's his instructions. Anyway, here we go.

[''The video is shown again'']
[[File:Ezimba14644786010700.jpg|thumb|Nash and Tara view the infamous bystander video.]]
'''Nash:''' There we go, and...sprays the guy with pepper spray. [''Tara silently gasps''] And, that--that--that's what happened. And shortly after this, the [[Jerkops|police]], who were, um, none too pleased about this... you see, while it may not--I don't understand, and, uh, other people ask me about this, it's not a big deal anymore because "Well, uh the cops'll hit you with the pepper spray and th--and the taser, so what's the big deal?" Well, even if you don't hurt somebody--and the guy at the GameStop was not really hurt--the act of spraying someone with pepper spray, is an--that's considered an assault.

'''Tara:''' Yeah, you can't just do that to people. Um, like...if you have, like, a really good reason then yeah, they'll let it slide. But yeah, you can't just do that. And, wha--I--I don't understand why... your version of events here. Like, he went in...to protest Sonic's arms being blue--

'''Nash:''' Yes.

'''Tara:''' You know, fight the power, young man.

'''Nash:''' Yeah.

'''Tara:''' How did that progress to macing an employee in the face? Clearly, like, that employee probably didn't have anything to do with the changing of Sonic's arms.

'''Nash:''' No. But he has been banned from this GameStop before this. For this kind of shit. They progressively told him, "Stop coming here. Don't do this kind of thing." And, he...now, he's out on bail right now. God knows how much that's costing. He was arrested, he was held until today, from, uh, over the weekend, he's out on bail, and his version of accounts...he likens that GameStop employee you just saw, the one who was pretty much just standing there...

'''Tara:''' Yeah?

'''Nash:''' To leaping out at him in a darkened alley, like a rapist.

[''Tara looks from side to side, clearly not sure how to react. There is a long pause.'']

'''Tara:''' Does he know that he's not a police officer? [''Nash shrugs; Tara laughs nervously''] You can't just...you don't get to say, "I feared for my life."

'''Nash:''' No! You do-ho-hon't!

'''Tara:''' Unless you're a cop who kills somebody.

'''Nash:''' It...it's just THIS...really, this is the hill you wanna die on?

'''Tara:''' I...I honestly don't, like...I'm not a video game person, my nephew got a bunch of new video games for Christmas that he keeps trying to talk me into playing. He got me to play ''Minecraft'', for...I think for, like, ten minutes before I drowned in lava?

'''Nash:''' Sounds about right, yes.

'''Tara:''' Today we played some fishing game, I didn't catch any fish. He keeps trying to get me to play ''Disney Infinity'', and I'm like, I can't dishonor Captain America that way, because he has the full Avengers set. Um, so, um, I'm not a video game person. I played ''Rock Band'' sometimes--

'''Nash:''' Alright, alright. What if Captain America, in the video game, was red? What would your reaction be?

'''Tara:''' Uh, well, that'd be...weirdly...Communist, for Captain 'Murica to be wearing.

'''Nash:''' Okay.

'''Tara:''' And kinda strange. I might, like, tweet about it a couple of times.

'''Nash:''' There you go. Yeah, yeah. Would you, in fact, pick up a chemical weapon and go to your nearest game store?

'''Tara:''' Probably not.

'''Nash:''' Probably not. No. That's not what you do in this situation.

'''Tara:''' That's not what we call a proportionate response. Nor is it an effective one. Like, I've worked retail for a long time, and I'm here to tell you, the people working in the store? Fuck all to do with the decisions that are pissing you off. We're not the people who decide on the price of the item, when the store closes, how many we get in stock, what color Sonic the Hedgehog's arms are...

'''Nash:''' Uh-uh. Nope.

'''Tara:''' And if we were the people making those decisions, we wouldn't be working on Christmas Eve, in a store. So, coming after the retail people? Getting you ''nowhere''.

'''Nash:''' Nnnno, 'cuz they really...[''stutters'']

'''Tara:''' We are the Morlocks, living underground on-- ''[Audio briefly cuts out]''

'''Nash:''' When I was younger, I would get so much into a fucking tizzy about shit. Inconsequential bullshit, pop culture, it would just piss me off to great lengths about, "That shouldn't be like that, that's stupid--"

'''Tara:''' Well, when you think that people are pissed off that Annie's black...

'''Nash:''' Well, that--

'''Tara:''' She's supposed to be a redhead, and I'm like, okay, I'm about the biggest redhead elitist you're likely to meet. And they were like "Annie's going to be black," and I was like, "Oh. Alright."

'''Nash:''' I was, apparently, as far as Annie goes, I was told that the worst offense was that Cameron Diaz should apologize to Carol Burnett.

'''Tara:''' I've heard she's the weakest link, yeah. I've heard--I heard they added a couple of songs that don't really fit with the whole thing. Those are the two biggest actual problems that I heard. But people are really pissed off that Annie's black, and I'm like....."Why?"

'''Nash:''' Yeah. And, you know...

'''Tara:''' Like, it's not actually a plot point in the movie that she's a redhead. It's not. Like, she happens to be, but it doesn't affect anything. Like, there's no reason why Annie can't be black. Or why Daddy Warbucks--or, I think his name is Will Stacks now--can't be black. There's no reason why Annie can't be white and Will Stacks... ''it doesn't matter''!

'''Nash:''' And I don't recall anyone going down to their local Carmike Cinema and macing the fucking guy with the popcorn.

'''Tara:''' Well...

'''Nash:''' They're not paid enough to deal with this shit!

'''Tara:''' Give it a week or two, the movie just opened.

'''Nash:''' It's, well, i's been out on the internet for a while. Thank you, Sony hackers. We've got more tonight, and oh, god...and--you know what, here's the thing. While Chris-Chan is such a popular internet topic--

'''Tara:''' Is that his real name, like, [[Christopher's name change|he changed it]] because of 4chan or something?

'''Nash:''' Christian...Christian Weston Chandler.

'''Tara:''' Okay. 'Cuz, you said "Chris-Chan," and I was like, is that the new 4chan, 8chan? Are they just naming them now? They ran out of numbers?

'''Nash:''' BobChan, CarlChan, DaveChan...

'''Tara:''' Yeah...Jackie Chan?

'''Nash:''' I'm gonna tell you, our last story tonight, when we get to it, will kind of make this one seem inconsequential. But you wanted me to report on it, internet, and I did! So...there, you go.

[''This transcript ends at 12:46 in.'']

==See also==
*[[The Kevin and Bean Show Segment]]
*[[Toucher and Rich Segment]]

==External links==
* [http://channelawesome.com/wtfiwwy-live-the-passion-of-the-chris-chan/ The full podcast on Channel Awesome]

[[Category: Media that has been published in real life]]

Talk:Sonichu Amiibo

2015-04-12T10:27:27Z

HarryHowler:

Here is a question: how the fuck do custom amiibos work?--[[User:Zimkiller1|Zimkiller1]] ([[User talk:Zimkiller1|talk]]) 05:43, 12 April 2015 (UTC)
:You're better off asking these types of questions on the forum. Talk pages on the CWCki should be used for editing issues and such. [[User talk:Asperhes|asperhes]], 4/12/15
:For the record, it actually does say in the article (in the "eBay Description" section) that the Sonichu Amiibo was built from a Sonic the Hedgehog Amiibo, and will be detected as such. --[[User:HarryHowler|HarryHowler]] ([[User talk:HarryHowler|talk]]) 10:27, 12 April 2015 (UTC)

26 December 2014

2015-04-10T15:34:37Z

HarryHowler: /* Transcript */

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|On the way to Sears, I peeked into the [[GameStop]], and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their [[Nintendo|Wii U]] Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this [[JERKS|MALE]] Loomed out in front of me, [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|frightened the crap out of me]], and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, [[List of places that have banned Chris|"YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW."]] But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and [[Autism|mentally overloaded]], I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few [[Chris and anger|Peaceful]] [[Chris and negotiation|solutions]], but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.|Chris's [[Chris and reality|summary of the events]].}}
{{clear}}
[[File:Bluearmsis zpsac2c59f2.jpg|thumb|A [[wikipedia:Orange Is the New Black|hit new]] show [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|rocking]] the [[Netflix]] [[Ruckersville, VA|nation]]!]]

'''26 December 2014''', a date which will also live in infamy, was probably the busiest day in [[Chris]]'s life since he [[Graduation|graduated]], and is essentially [[28 October 2011]] all over again. Chris is [[Chris and the Law|in trouble with the law]] once again for [[Michael Snyder|assaulting staff]] [[The GAMe PLACe|at a video game store]], except this time he upped the ante by using pepper spray on the source of his [[rage]]<ref>[https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1424389574456&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Virginia general court records]</ref>. He is presently being charged by the Albemarle General District Court of Virginia with "illegal use of tear gas"<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+18.2-312]</ref>--a Class 6 felony for which Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/18.2-10.HTM]</ref> if convicted. The situation for Chris is worsened by the fact that, unlike his vehicular assault on Mike Snyder in 2011, this time the actual assault was caught on camera and posted to [[YouTube]], where it became viral and will surely be available to the state prosecutors.

==Synopsis==
===In GameStop===
[[File:Madman.jpg|thumb|The now infamous photo of Chris, 6 seconds before the assault.]]

Chris's trouble with the law was first brought to the attention of the internet when a Tumblr user named monozettai uploaded a video of Chris spraying a [[GameStop]] [[Manajerks|employee]] with something, later confirmed to be pepper spray, on 26 December<ref name=smokinggun>https://archive.today/ZDHkd</ref>. In the short clip (which can be viewed below) Chris, clad in full [[tomgirl]] regalia, throws away any [[Trolls#Today|pity points]] he may have earned by breaking three separate laws in one visit to his local GameStop.

Chris, who was already banned from GameStop, went to the outlet at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] with the intention of [[Sonic Boom Protests|vandalizing their ''Sonic Boom'' merchandise]] (staff claimed he'd done this before, which is probably why he was banned in the first place) wearing a pair of purple [[My Little Pony]]-[[Chris and fashion|branded sunglasses intended for little girls]] as a "[[Honor roll|disguise]]". Needless to say, he was immediately recognized by staff, who tried to get him to leave. Chris moaned to them about [[Autism|"letting bygones be bygones", so he could vandalize the store's property in peace]]. It's unclear whether Chris managed to do any damage to the ''Sonic Boom'' games before leaving, but he eventually strode out, as seen in the video, commanding the staff "[[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]" as if he deserved to be [[Barbara Chandler|shielded from the consequences of his actions]]. It was as he left that he brandished a pink can of mace, and sprayed the unfortunate employee, who was later confirmed to be unharmed. Despite the commotion, the store did not close.

The clip of Chris became a minor viral hit, earning over 195,911 views as of 5 January 2015. It is now one of the most-viewed videos in the CWChronology, next to [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|the 1993 contest video]], [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]], [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|CWC-Tok]], the [[FUTURE MESSAGE]], and [[Madman Rising]].

===monozettai's Account===
After the video was discovered by Christorians at large on 27 December<ref name=forum/>, many [[weens]] flooded monozettai's inbox with questions on his recollection of the event. This is what he had to say about the incident:

{{quotebox|I was in Gamestop looking at the 3ds rack when I heard a racket from my left. I looked up and saw Chris surrounded by 3-4 employees in a corner (I recognized Chris’ voice before their appearance). A woman was telling Chris that they had been banned from the store and needed to leave, to which Chris responded with something like “Oh come ON, can’t we let bygones be bygones?” The employees ignored him and continued to tell him to leave and threatened to call security. Eventually they dispersed to do so, which is about when I began filming (I had been wondering whether or not I should, but I’d say only about 20 or so seconds had gone by between when I noticed and when I started filming).

 After the video I heard the employees complaining about the use of pepper spray. I didn’t notice it when I initially filmed nor was I ever in the vicinity of the spray, so I can’t confirm anything, but as you can see Chris sprayed something at an employee in the video. I don’t remember seeing that employee around after that so I assume he left. Anyway, a woman buying a game at the counter asked the employee she had been interacting with what had just happened and the employee replied that Chris was “some guy that came in from time to time to mess with the Sonic Boom games because he was upset that Sonic’s arms had changed color, ” or something to that effect. Sadly I did not check to see what happened to the Sonic Boom and only stayed for another 5 minutes or so before leaving, but nothing else of interest happened other than employees running back and forth from the counter to the back room, anxiously talking about contacting security and making sure “he” was gone.<ref name=eyewitness>https://archive.today/GsnsF</ref>}}

===After GameStop===
Most of the sketchy information on what happened in the next hour or so comes exclusively from leaked, low-quality audio from a police scanner, and most details are uncertain. With his duty at GameStop done, and the police on their way, Chris returned to his car and left the mall. At some point after arriving at the mall and checking [[Kaka Makeup Basics|JCPenney]] and Sears, police determined that Chris had left the building around half an hour ago. The police also managed to contact Barbara, who had been eating at the mall with Chris, which also implies he left her behind, without a car to get home. Barb had little information to offer, except the make and color of Chris's car. Clearly, the police didn't catch Chris at the mall, so it is unknown when and where he was caught, but it was most likely the same day, and probably at [[Rental House|home]], or at least on the way home. For more details, observers were forced to await Chris's inevitable account on Facebook when he was released on bond, although little else was gleaned from his incoherent rambling (which can be read below), except him meeting the expectation that [[Sub-episodes|he'd twist the tale to make himself look like a noble activist]] so he could get sympathy out of his [[white knights]].

[[File:Dec2014cwcjailphonecall.jpg|thumb|Expert recreation of Chris's first night in the pokey.]]

On 28 December, a member of [[Kiwi Farms]] [[Jail calls|contacted Albemarle Regional Jail]] and confirmed that Chris was being held there, and was awaiting video court the next morning. Assuming Chris was caught on the day he committed his crimes, he had been in jail for two days by this point.

===Aftermath===
[[File:Cwc_arrest_record.png|thumb|left|Chris's court records]]

A followup call from a [[4chan]] troll<ref name=forum>https://archive.today/KbrlM</ref> revealed that the employee will be pressing charges, in a development remarkably similar to the events of 28 October 2011. He is presently being charged by the Albemarle General District Court of Virginia with "illegal use of tear gas", a Class 6 felony for which Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500 if convicted, along with all the other corresponding losses he'd experience as a registered felon.

Interestingly enough, Chris is being charged with the 6th Degree version under the Virginia tear gas law, which the code states is for cases in which the tear gassing was done "unlawfully, but not maliciously". This lesser charge was clearly intended for cases of neglect, negligence or stupidity which resulted in somebody innocent getting tear gassed accidentally; for the cops to book him on the lesser charge suggests that they believe at least some version of Chris's story about "spritzing a miniscule amount downward, NOT into his face" as he fearfully made his escape. Unfortunately for Chris, the video taken of the incident clearly shows him intentionally spraying the employee (who was not obstructing him or offering him resistance) in the upper chest area as he angrily exited the store. This suggests that once the prosecutor gets a look at the video, the charge might be upgraded to the Class 3 felony version of the charge, which carries a much stiffer penalty of 5-20 years and up to a $100,000 fine. A lot will depend upon whether Mr. Herring (the employee he maced) can be proven to have actually been "injured" by the pepper spray, which is an element of both felony charges; if not, Chris will likely be allowed to plea down to misdemeanor-level assault and battery and be given a suspended sentence with probation, counseling, anger management and community service in lieu of jail time.

Whatever he's charged with, Chris is unlikely to receive a lenient sentence this time for a number of reasons. First, he's a repeat offender, which won't look good to the judge. Second, he and his mother are already in [[Chris and money|deep shit financially]], having squandered their inheritance from [[Bob]] on hiring [[Rob Bell]] after the incident in 2011, so Chris getting a good representative is out of the question. Chris also cannot bank on his victim asking the court to downgrade the crime from a felony to a misdemeanor, as Michael Snyder did after the 28 October 2011 incident. Given the less-than-rousing success of previous attempts by the judicial system to alter Chris' behavior, anything short of rigorously enforced probation and a monitored psychological day program is likely going to result in failure. Worrying, even short term jail stints don't appear to bother Chris all that much anymore, certainly not enough to give him perspective as to why trespassing, vandalism and macing employees in a mall are unacceptable behaviors that society will put him in jail to prevent him from doing.

[[File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|thumb|left|Chris's mugshot. Note that killer pout, and lazy eye.]]

With estimates for Chris's sentence ranging from minor community service to 5 years in prison, everything's up in the air at the moment. There have also been suggestions he may lose his [[tugboat]], perhaps [[14 Branchland Court|his home]], or maybe even become a ward of the state. Considering his very unsound mental state, it is very possible that he will be forced to receive therapy (rather than an evaluation simply to see whether he was a threat to society, like in 2011), something many are [[Chris and psychology|hoping for]].

Consensus among his observers is that the time has come to stop giving Chris leniency. So far, every time he has had to face the consequences of his own actions, he has been let off quite easily. Examples include his parents rushing to his defense (even awakening in the middle of the night to blast trolls on the phone) whenever his actions land him into trouble with anyone, Snyder magnanimously deciding to drop felony charges for Chris after 28 October 2011, and the Kiwi Farms, of all people, putting together a care package for him after [[Destruction Of Chris's House|the house fire]]. Moreover, for the duration of [[2014]], Chris's white knights have consistently coddled him, humored his foolish mercantile ventures and fed his already-gigantic ego, and not a single white knight spoke harshly to him, even while condemning his actions, when he got home ''from jail''. This would all be well and good if Chris could recognize that he should be grateful for his narrow escapes, and take measures to avoid landing in situations like this in the first place. However, since Chris is incapable of introspection, it has instead simply gotten to the point that he [[Chris and his Ego|just expects to be bailed out, or otherwise rescued from the consequences of his own actions]].

On 29 December, it was confirmed that Chris had posted the $2500 bail and left jail. Barb was probably the donor, once again abluting Chris of consequences.

On 3 [[January 2015]], an e-mail leaked onto Kiwi Farms revealed that Chris had behaved in a bellicose manner at [[Wal-Mart]] and threatened to use his mace. This was soon afterwards confirmed to be true by Chris himself, and indicated that he wielded the pepper spray because it made him feel like a "badass". This statement worried many onlookers, as it suggests Chris perceives himself as invincible as long he can threaten to mace his antagonists. Chris's notion of his own infallibility and invulnerability has previously been generally confined to the comics, but owing to the ever-growing chasm separating him from reality it may have seeped into his conscious psyche.

Chris's hatred for ''Sonic Boom'' is also escalating horribly even after this, as well. On 30 [[January 2015]], it was revealed that Chris is sending threats of glitter bombing (or, what he thinks is glitter bombing) to Sega of America headquarters.

All things considered, it's doubtful that Chris will learn anything whatsoever from his impending punishment, however harsh it may be. It will more likely simply resuscitate his old grudge against [[Jerkop|police officers]] and retail workers, which in turn will distort his perspective on the real world even further.

===Subsequent court hearings===
After his video hearing on 29 December (which only consisted of the judge setting bail/bond conditions and a date for the next hearing), Chris was released on a bond and promptly took to Facebook to decry this injustice and counter troll speculation, the result of which can be seen below. The following month he revealed in a Facebook post that, in yet another development mirroring 28 October 2011, the judge placed a restraining order on Chris as part of his bail conditions, forbidding him from setting foot in any local GameStop or contacting any of the company's employees.

His next hearing took place on 5 February. It was decidedly brief as the Chandlers appeared to have hired/been assigned an unsuitable representative, and another hearing in April was scheduled. According to two Virginian Christorians in attendance, little of note happened except Chris and Barb forgetting the date of the next hearing, then pissing off the court by coming back to ask (thus holding up their next case). Additionally, footage was taken of Chris and Barb leaving court--marking the first appearance Barb has made in Christorical media for almost two years.

The subsequent hearing took place on 2 April; Chris attended alone, and reportedly seemed more nervous than in the previous hearing. It began twenty minutes early and was over within minutes; in fact Chris left before Christorians made it through security, so no-one knows what actually happened inside. What is known is that Chris was granted another continuance and the next hearing was scheduled for 7 May. If the legal proceedings of [[28 October 2011|Chris's previous misadventure]] are any indication, the actual trial may not take place until August or September 2015. However, Christorians with legal knowledge have commented that he is unlikely to be granted any more continuances, meaning any hearings from now on are probably going to be the real thing, rather than Chris just walking in and out.

== Chris's side of the story ==
{{quote|I WAS the Victim|Chris, meeting everyone's expectations}}

As with the 28 October 2011 incident, Chris just couldn't help but give his own self-serving account of events. Not surprisingly, Chris refuses to admit any fault in the incident--aside from claiming ignorance to the effects of pepper spray, a claim he immediately disproves by admitting that he sprayed ''himself'' with the stuff several days before the incident--and tries to blame the store employees for "intimidating" him, and Sega for changing Sonic's arm color in the first place. Unlike his previous run-in with the law, where he was at least smart enough to only mention the exact details in a personal e-mail to a [[trolls|close friend]], Chris posted this to his [[Facebook]] page for all to see, meaning he's in deep shit if the prosecution sees his (publicly accessible) profile. Even his white knights, if not harsh, seem condemnatory of his actions. It seems that this time around, everyone is against him.

In this illuminating tract, Chris rambles on and on, continually shooting himself in the foot by providing extremely damning information. He proves the above point that he expects to go unpunished for everything by saying he had expected GameStop to ''ignore the fact that he had attacked one of their employees''. Apparently he thinks they should be grateful he didn't stop to mace everyone in sight. He tries to portray himself as the victim, implying that a group of professional game designers who are probably unaware of his existence were directly responsible for ''his'' actions.

Moreover, the revelation that he was aware of the effects of his weapon of choice, added to the circumstances, seem to show that him pepper-spraying the employee wasn't Chris [[Autism|misinterpreting]] the act of pepper-spraying as a sassy, feminine display of contempt. Also consider that the man he targeted was by the door, rather than further inside, and was not advancing towards or threatening Chris in any way. This indicates that this was a deliberate, cowardly act of malice on Chris's part, as he deliberately sprayed the last employee on the way out, when his escape was already assured.

{{quotebox|1=Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]]

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local GameStops (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the Fashion Square GameStop, and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the GameStop, and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their Wii U Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and mentally overloaded, I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day. <ref name=Chris>https://archive.today/HQknP</ref>}}

== Chris's side of the story 2: Eclectic Boogaloo ==

On, January 11th, Chris posted the following to his [[Facebook]] account, in which he once again paints himself as the victim and wishes that people could like him, even barring all of his other actions from the past. He also says that ''nobody should be banned from a store unless they are carrying a gun''.

{{quotebox|Just Listen; Do Not Comment or Respond; I am being Very Serious.
I Really Wish People would Positively Like Me. I can not make people like me, and if they dislike me, for their own individual reasons beyond my own comprehension.

I can not change their minds. But, to my utmost dismay and sadness, should I be threatened, or be made to feel threatened, I Will defend myself to force some respect from them.
All I would ever want is a good day and some peace of my own mind; I do not intend, nor have ever intended, unprovoked, to offend anyone.
And if my good day is turned bad, because of me feeling threatened by anyone, and then I feel those individuals immediately deserve to have a bad day themselves (and continue living on from there),
then it is Their Fault for pushing me into the defensive position in the first place.
It really does make me feel sad and most disappointed of the other people when they give me such grief to the point that I have to be put into a position to force some respect out of them.

And I have been growing more paranoid of Other People since November of 2007 with the damn bad people over the internet,
as well as those I have had the displeasure to have encountered in person who have shown me nothing but a difficult time and even more grief.

Also, I sincerely believe nothing would ever be gained from killing anyone, including myself; all that does is forces one or the other into their next realm or life;
Nobody really Learns or really Benefits anything from the deaths of any person. That is why I would never own, or want to own, a real gun.
"Look out, she's going for her mace!"
"What? Would you rather I have a gun with bullets in it?"

And that is another thing everyone Should be Aware of: I AM A FEMALE SOUL, and I Prefer to be referred to by the Female Pronouns. Any address of "Sir", or "Man" upon me, will only be met by a cold shoulder or stare in their general direction.

And NOBODY should ever be BANNED from a high-volume store like Wal-Mart or Target for anything less offensive than a gun withdrawl or robbery. We All Have Bad Days, and unless we actually Hit a Person or living individual or similar actions, in how we individually react to how we are feeling at the ONE Moment, aside from the other Individual Moments, To Ban an individual is just plain wrong.

And acts of protests with JUST Meanings, do not deserve any damn grief either.

Just Let Me Live On In Peace, Let Me enjoy my Good Day and Pleasant Shoppings and Outings, and DO NOT BOTHER ME AT ALL. I have No Intention Whatsoever to harm Any Individual Person or Myself. So, Please, Do Not Give Me Reason to be Forced to Defend Myself to garner any respect. All that does is give us all a Bad Day from a Good One.

Good Day. }}

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:GameStopCville.jpg|The store in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], site of the incident.
File:ChrisGameStopShort.png|The listing of his court hearing.
File:ChrisGameStopFull.png|The full details.
File:Chris%27AssaultAccount.png|Chris's violently insane version of the incident.
File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|Chris's distinctly [[Tomgirl Saga|unfeminine]] mugshot.
File:PROTESTING_SANIC_BUM.jpg|The defacement Chris intended to wreak.
</gallery></center>

== Fan Art ==
<center><gallery>
File:Goofytime PTSD Employ2.jpg|Retail employees will now have Chris haunting their nightmares.
File:Tomgrrllyfe.jpg|Chris after life on the inside.
File:Chris-chan as the Pepper Spray Cop.jpg|Don't call anybody!
File:Chris's strut.png|Fighting the law requires fashion!
File:Chris_in_court.jpeg| Meanwhile at Chris's trial...
</gallery></center>

== Video ==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan maces a GameStop employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yJkjjpFM97w}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Manchester Sweatshirt
| previous = [[Brushfire Video]]
| next = [[Documentary]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''A beep, most likely from the checkout machine, is heard as Chris walks near the camera. He blows a raspberry, presumably at monozettai, for a nanosecond as he passes the camera'']

'''Chris''': Don't call anybody!

[''Chris struts confidently towards the store entrance. Unintelligible background noise from other customers can be heard, and a family at the counter can be seen in shock at the creep they just witnessed.'']

'''Clerk''': [''to customer at register''] 22-10. [''laughs'']

[''Chris sprays a yellow-shirted employee, the store's assistant manager, with pepper spray, causing him to quickly back up in self-defense. A woman, likely the store's manager from Chris's description, walks into view.'']

'''Manager''': That guy wants to buy two... [''trails off, on realizing what just happened.'']

'''Assistant Manager''': Whoa! Hey! [''mouths "what the fuck"'']

== Police Scanner Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Police scanner
| video = {{#ev:youtube|pk-Oa8BinxE}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===Transcript===
{{Transcription}}
{{Incomplete}}
[''The entire audio is messy, grainy and hard to hear. If there are any inaccuracies in the audio, please feel free to help.'']

'''0:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP 5-7, APC--[''mumbling'']

'''Rookie:''' I'll cover it.

'''Cool cop:''' Stay there.

'''Old cop:''' He's at Fashion Square Mall. I'll get him. He's not in Shoppers World. I'm probably gonna pull up in the community and park the car. ''(CUTS OUT)'' and then...I'll go...check the car. He is described as a ''([[Stress sigh|sighs]])'' white male, 5-foot 9, with long brown hair. He was wearing two sets of glasses and [[Plush Breasts|fake breasts]]. ''(Someone in the background says "what the hell?")'' The name is supposed to be "Christopher Chandler".

'''1:00'''

'''Rural cop:''' I'll go and do it. I'm on location.

'''?:''' Okay.

'''?:''' Doin' okay.

'''?:''' Thank you, Ethan.

'''?:''' No problem.

'''?:''' Uhh... I'll be looking for seven, I'll probably be in that ''???'' mall for a little bit. Three-nine can just run it.

'''?:''' Fine, Arthur. Three-nine, you got... Yeah. He can just route a call from our phone. Okay.

'''?:''' Uh, have you sent out that thing from here, ''?????'' Thirty-nine can just draw it.

'''?:''' Uh, ''????'' and ''?????''

'''?:''' Roger.

'''2:00'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''2:26'''

'''Mike:''' ''?????''

'''Woman:''' Thank you, Mike.

'''2:32'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''3:23'''

'''?:''' Seven-six APC.

'''?:''' Copy, seven-six.

'''Rural cop:''' Someone here at the mall with ''???'' Chandler. A long time here. Trespass. Banned from the mall.

'''?:''' ''????'' uh, you got ''??????''

'''4:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven.

'''Rookie:''' Copy.

'''?:''' Uh, ''?????''

'''Rookie:''' That's correct.

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven. ''(PAUSE) ?????'' seven-six

'''4:45'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''5:14'''

'''Ethan:''' ''???'' before seven APC

'''?:''' ''?????''

'''Ethan:''' Could I have the report number please?

'''?:''' Ethan, your number's 10725. Ten seven two five. ''(PAUSE) careful??????''

'''Ethan:''' ''????'' three units.

'''?:''' Sir, can you get me the report number ''????????''

'''?:''' ''?????'', you have, uh, 10726. Ten seven two six.

'''6:09'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''7:00'''

'''?:''' APC ''?????''

'''Woman:''' ''?????''

'''Old cop:''' ''?????'' car ''???????????????'' in the area ''????'' might have come from a house ''?????'' I'll check the ''book????''

==Fan Videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading of Chris' Facebook Post
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1mNy4oamILA}}
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7EpM9PXIn3bTIlJYiP1xWg BrendanielReads]
| stardate = 29 [[December 2014]]}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Fought the Law
| video = {{#ev:youtube|M2cKgb9xU2o}}
| stardate = 30 [[December 2014]]
| maker = FavoretFox
| subject = 26 December 2014
| type = [[Parody]] of The Crickets' "I Fought the Law"}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tyrone Declares Chris Chan's Innocence
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0A2p_OgkZw0}}
| stardate = 17 [[January 2015]]
| maker = Based Tyrone
| subject = 26 December 2014}}

== See also ==
* [[Chris and the Law]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Jail calls]]
* [[Sonic Boom Protests]]
* [[28 October 2011]]

==References==
<references />

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

26 December 2014

2015-04-10T15:31:21Z

HarryHowler: Pretty sure they were still in their rented house when this incident went down

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|On the way to Sears, I peeked into the [[GameStop]], and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their [[Nintendo|Wii U]] Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this [[JERKS|MALE]] Loomed out in front of me, [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|frightened the crap out of me]], and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, [[List of places that have banned Chris|"YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW."]] But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and [[Autism|mentally overloaded]], I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few [[Chris and anger|Peaceful]] [[Chris and negotiation|solutions]], but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.|Chris's [[Chris and reality|summary of the events]].}}
{{clear}}
[[File:Bluearmsis zpsac2c59f2.jpg|thumb|A [[wikipedia:Orange Is the New Black|hit new]] show [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|rocking]] the [[Netflix]] [[Ruckersville, VA|nation]]!]]

'''26 December 2014''', a date which will also live in infamy, was probably the busiest day in [[Chris]]'s life since he [[Graduation|graduated]], and is essentially [[28 October 2011]] all over again. Chris is [[Chris and the Law|in trouble with the law]] once again for [[Michael Snyder|assaulting staff]] [[The GAMe PLACe|at a video game store]], except this time he upped the ante by using pepper spray on the source of his [[rage]]<ref>[https://eapps.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/criminalDetail.do?formAction=newSearch?ts=1424389574456&clientSearchCounter=3&localFipsCode=003 Virginia general court records]</ref>. He is presently being charged by the Albemarle General District Court of Virginia with "illegal use of tear gas"<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+18.2-312]</ref>--a Class 6 felony for which Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500<ref>[http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/18.2-10.HTM]</ref> if convicted. The situation for Chris is worsened by the fact that, unlike his vehicular assault on Mike Snyder in 2011, this time the actual assault was caught on camera and posted to [[YouTube]], where it became viral and will surely be available to the state prosecutors.

==Synopsis==
===In GameStop===
[[File:Madman.jpg|thumb|The now infamous photo of Chris, 6 seconds before the assault.]]

Chris's trouble with the law was first brought to the attention of the internet when a Tumblr user named monozettai uploaded a video of Chris spraying a [[GameStop]] [[Manajerks|employee]] with something, later confirmed to be pepper spray, on 26 December<ref name=smokinggun>https://archive.today/ZDHkd</ref>. In the short clip (which can be viewed below) Chris, clad in full [[tomgirl]] regalia, throws away any [[Trolls#Today|pity points]] he may have earned by breaking three separate laws in one visit to his local GameStop.

Chris, who was already banned from GameStop, went to the outlet at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] with the intention of [[Sonic Boom Protests|vandalizing their ''Sonic Boom'' merchandise]] (staff claimed he'd done this before, which is probably why he was banned in the first place) wearing a pair of purple [[My Little Pony]]-[[Chris and fashion|branded sunglasses intended for little girls]] as a "[[Honor roll|disguise]]". Needless to say, he was immediately recognized by staff, who tried to get him to leave. Chris moaned to them about [[Autism|"letting bygones be bygones", so he could vandalize the store's property in peace]]. It's unclear whether Chris managed to do any damage to the ''Sonic Boom'' games before leaving, but he eventually strode out, as seen in the video, commanding the staff "[[Chris and negotiation|Don't call anybody!]]" as if he deserved to be [[Barbara Chandler|shielded from the consequences of his actions]]. It was as he left that he brandished a pink can of mace, and sprayed the unfortunate employee, who was later confirmed to be unharmed. Despite the commotion, the store did not close.

The clip of Chris became a minor viral hit, earning over 195,911 views as of 5 January 2015. It is now one of the most-viewed videos in the CWChronology, next to [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|the 1993 contest video]], [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!]], [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|CWC-Tok]], the [[FUTURE MESSAGE]], and [[Madman Rising]].

===monozettai's Account===
After the video was discovered by Christorians at large on 27 December<ref name=forum/>, many [[weens]] flooded monozettai's inbox with questions on his recollection of the event. This is what he had to say about the incident:

{{quotebox|I was in Gamestop looking at the 3ds rack when I heard a racket from my left. I looked up and saw Chris surrounded by 3-4 employees in a corner (I recognized Chris’ voice before their appearance). A woman was telling Chris that they had been banned from the store and needed to leave, to which Chris responded with something like “Oh come ON, can’t we let bygones be bygones?” The employees ignored him and continued to tell him to leave and threatened to call security. Eventually they dispersed to do so, which is about when I began filming (I had been wondering whether or not I should, but I’d say only about 20 or so seconds had gone by between when I noticed and when I started filming).

 After the video I heard the employees complaining about the use of pepper spray. I didn’t notice it when I initially filmed nor was I ever in the vicinity of the spray, so I can’t confirm anything, but as you can see Chris sprayed something at an employee in the video. I don’t remember seeing that employee around after that so I assume he left. Anyway, a woman buying a game at the counter asked the employee she had been interacting with what had just happened and the employee replied that Chris was “some guy that came in from time to time to mess with the Sonic Boom games because he was upset that Sonic’s arms had changed color, ” or something to that effect. Sadly I did not check to see what happened to the Sonic Boom and only stayed for another 5 minutes or so before leaving, but nothing else of interest happened other than employees running back and forth from the counter to the back room, anxiously talking about contacting security and making sure “he” was gone.<ref name=eyewitness>https://archive.today/GsnsF</ref>}}

===After GameStop===
Most of the sketchy information on what happened in the next hour or so comes exclusively from leaked, low-quality audio from a police scanner, and most details are uncertain. With his duty at GameStop done, and the police on their way, Chris returned to his car and left the mall. At some point after arriving at the mall and checking [[Kaka Makeup Basics|JCPenney]] and Sears, police determined that Chris had left the building around half an hour ago. The police also managed to contact Barbara, who had been eating at the mall with Chris, which also implies he left her behind, without a car to get home. Barb had little information to offer, except the make and color of Chris's car. Clearly, the police didn't catch Chris at the mall, so it is unknown when and where he was caught, but it was most likely the same day, and probably at [[Rental House|home]], or at least on the way home. For more details, observers were forced to await Chris's inevitable account on Facebook when he was released on bond, although little else was gleaned from his incoherent rambling (which can be read below), except him meeting the expectation that [[Sub-episodes|he'd twist the tale to make himself look like a noble activist]] so he could get sympathy out of his [[white knights]].

[[File:Dec2014cwcjailphonecall.jpg|thumb|Expert recreation of Chris's first night in the pokey.]]

On 28 December, a member of [[Kiwi Farms]] [[Jail calls|contacted Albemarle Regional Jail]] and confirmed that Chris was being held there, and was awaiting video court the next morning. Assuming Chris was caught on the day he committed his crimes, he had been in jail for two days by this point.

===Aftermath===
[[File:Cwc_arrest_record.png|thumb|left|Chris's court records]]

A followup call from a [[4chan]] troll<ref name=forum>https://archive.today/KbrlM</ref> revealed that the employee will be pressing charges, in a development remarkably similar to the events of 28 October 2011. He is presently being charged by the Albemarle General District Court of Virginia with "illegal use of tear gas", a Class 6 felony for which Virginia sentencing guidelines recommend 1-5 years in prison and a fine of up to $2,500 if convicted, along with all the other corresponding losses he'd experience as a registered felon.

Interestingly enough, Chris is being charged with the 6th Degree version under the Virginia tear gas law, which the code states is for cases in which the tear gassing was done "unlawfully, but not maliciously". This lesser charge was clearly intended for cases of neglect, negligence or stupidity which resulted in somebody innocent getting tear gassed accidentally; for the cops to book him on the lesser charge suggests that they believe at least some version of Chris's story about "spritzing a miniscule amount downward, NOT into his face" as he fearfully made his escape. Unfortunately for Chris, the video taken of the incident clearly shows him intentionally spraying the employee (who was not obstructing him or offering him resistance) in the upper chest area as he angrily exited the store. This suggests that once the prosecutor gets a look at the video, the charge might be upgraded to the Class 3 felony version of the charge, which carries a much stiffer penalty of 5-20 years and up to a $100,000 fine. A lot will depend upon whether Mr. Herring (the employee he maced) can be proven to have actually been "injured" by the pepper spray, which is an element of both felony charges; if not, Chris will likely be allowed to plea down to misdemeanor-level assault and battery and be given a suspended sentence with probation, counseling, anger management and community service in lieu of jail time.

Whatever he's charged with, Chris is unlikely to receive a lenient sentence this time for a number of reasons. First, he's a repeat offender, which won't look good to the judge. Second, he and his mother are already in [[Chris and money|deep shit financially]], having squandered their inheritance from [[Bob]] on hiring [[Rob Bell]] after the incident in 2011, so Chris getting a good representative is out of the question. Chris also cannot bank on his victim asking the court to downgrade the crime from a felony to a misdemeanor, as Michael Snyder did after the 28 October 2011 incident. Given the less-than-rousing success of previous attempts by the judicial system to alter Chris' behavior, anything short of rigorously enforced probation and a monitored psychological day program is likely going to result in failure. Worrying, even short term jail stints don't appear to bother Chris all that much anymore, certainly not enough to give him perspective as to why trespassing, vandalism and macing employees in a mall are unacceptable behaviors that society will put him in jail to prevent him from doing.

[[File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|thumb|left|Chris's mugshot. Note that killer pout, and lazy eye.]]

With estimates for Chris's sentence ranging from minor community service to 5 years in prison, everything's up in the air at the moment. There have also been suggestions he may lose his [[tugboat]], perhaps [[14 Branchland Court|his home]], or maybe even become a ward of the state. Considering his very unsound mental state, it is very possible that he will be forced to receive therapy (rather than an evaluation simply to see whether he was a threat to society, like in 2011), something many are [[Chris and psychology|hoping for]].

Consensus among his observers is that the time has come to stop giving Chris leniency. So far, every time he has had to face the consequences of his own actions, he has been let off quite easily. Examples include his parents rushing to his defense (even awakening in the middle of the night to blast trolls on the phone) whenever his actions land him into trouble with anyone, Snyder magnanimously deciding to drop felony charges for Chris after 28 October 2011, and the Kiwi Farms, of all people, putting together a care package for him after [[Destruction Of Chris's House|the house fire]]. Moreover, for the duration of [[2014]], Chris's white knights have consistently coddled him, humored his foolish mercantile ventures and fed his already-gigantic ego, and not a single white knight spoke harshly to him, even while condemning his actions, when he got home ''from jail''. This would all be well and good if Chris could recognize that he should be grateful for his narrow escapes, and take measures to avoid landing in situations like this in the first place. However, since Chris is incapable of introspection, it has instead simply gotten to the point that he [[Chris and his Ego|just expects to be bailed out, or otherwise rescued from the consequences of his own actions]].

On 29 December, it was confirmed that Chris had posted the $2500 bail and left jail. Barb was probably the donor, once again abluting Chris of consequences.

On 3 [[January 2015]], an e-mail leaked onto Kiwi Farms revealed that Chris had behaved in a bellicose manner at [[Wal-Mart]] and threatened to use his mace. This was soon afterwards confirmed to be true by Chris himself, and indicated that he wielded the pepper spray because it made him feel like a "badass". This statement worried many onlookers, as it suggests Chris perceives himself as invincible as long he can threaten to mace his antagonists. Chris's notion of his own infallibility and invulnerability has previously been generally confined to the comics, but owing to the ever-growing chasm separating him from reality it may have seeped into his conscious psyche.

Chris's hatred for ''Sonic Boom'' is also escalating horribly even after this, as well. On 30 [[January 2015]], it was revealed that Chris is sending threats of glitter bombing (or, what he thinks is glitter bombing) to Sega of America headquarters.

All things considered, it's doubtful that Chris will learn anything whatsoever from his impending punishment, however harsh it may be. It will more likely simply resuscitate his old grudge against [[Jerkop|police officers]] and retail workers, which in turn will distort his perspective on the real world even further.

===Subsequent court hearings===
After his video hearing on 29 December (which only consisted of the judge setting bail/bond conditions and a date for the next hearing), Chris was released on a bond and promptly took to Facebook to decry this injustice and counter troll speculation, the result of which can be seen below. The following month he revealed in a Facebook post that, in yet another development mirroring 28 October 2011, the judge placed a restraining order on Chris as part of his bail conditions, forbidding him from setting foot in any local GameStop or contacting any of the company's employees.

His next hearing took place on 5 February. It was decidedly brief as the Chandlers appeared to have hired/been assigned an unsuitable representative, and another hearing in April was scheduled. According to two Virginian Christorians in attendance, little of note happened except Chris and Barb forgetting the date of the next hearing, then pissing off the court by coming back to ask (thus holding up their next case). Additionally, footage was taken of Chris and Barb leaving court--marking the first appearance Barb has made in Christorical media for almost two years.

The subsequent hearing took place on 2 April; Chris attended alone, and reportedly seemed more nervous than in the previous hearing. It began twenty minutes early and was over within minutes; in fact Chris left before Christorians made it through security, so no-one knows what actually happened inside. What is known is that Chris was granted another continuance and the next hearing was scheduled for 7 May. If the legal proceedings of [[28 October 2011|Chris's previous misadventure]] are any indication, the actual trial may not take place until August or September 2015. However, Christorians with legal knowledge have commented that he is unlikely to be granted any more continuances, meaning any hearings from now on are probably going to be the real thing, rather than Chris just walking in and out.

== Chris's side of the story ==
{{quote|I WAS the Victim|Chris, meeting everyone's expectations}}

As with the 28 October 2011 incident, Chris just couldn't help but give his own self-serving account of events. Not surprisingly, Chris refuses to admit any fault in the incident--aside from claiming ignorance to the effects of pepper spray, a claim he immediately disproves by admitting that he sprayed ''himself'' with the stuff several days before the incident--and tries to blame the store employees for "intimidating" him, and Sega for changing Sonic's arm color in the first place. Unlike his previous run-in with the law, where he was at least smart enough to only mention the exact details in a personal e-mail to a [[trolls|close friend]], Chris posted this to his [[Facebook]] page for all to see, meaning he's in deep shit if the prosecution sees his (publicly accessible) profile. Even his white knights, if not harsh, seem condemnatory of his actions. It seems that this time around, everyone is against him.

In this illuminating tract, Chris rambles on and on, continually shooting himself in the foot by providing extremely damning information. He proves the above point that he expects to go unpunished for everything by saying he had expected GameStop to ''ignore the fact that he had attacked one of their employees''. Apparently he thinks they should be grateful he didn't stop to mace everyone in sight. He tries to portray himself as the victim, implying that a group of professional game designers who are probably unaware of his existence were directly responsible for ''his'' actions.

Moreover, the revelation that he was aware of the effects of his weapon of choice, added to the circumstances, seem to show that him pepper-spraying the employee wasn't Chris [[Autism|misinterpreting]] the act of pepper-spraying as a sassy, feminine display of contempt. Also consider that the man he targeted was by the door, rather than further inside, and was not advancing towards or threatening Chris in any way. This indicates that this was a deliberate, cowardly act of malice on Chris's part, as he deliberately sprayed the last employee on the way out, when his escape was already assured.

{{quotebox|1=Attention Everyone!!!

To preface what has happened recently, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!

If ‪#‎SEGA‬ had Never changed them, or reversed the change between February and November of this year in the new Sonic Boom video games AND Cartoon Series on Cartoon Network, as well as the Toys and whatever else, I would Never Have Had to Protest and Rebel the way I have, including the creation of my group, [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!]]

Within my groups, I have lead by example to push forward to the path of Waking SEGA Up and Forcing Them to Change Sonic's Arm Colour Back Immediately. And to confess, I HAVE DONE MY PART FOR REAL! I had personally gone into three of the four local GameStops (EXCLUDING the Fashion Square one) THREE TIMES to Personally Protest in my Silent Way. First Attack: I printed, as seen on the Facebook Group, the Fronts of the Sonic Boom Game Inserts, affixed double-sided tape onto the backs, and affixed them onto the fronts of their respective display game boxes on the shelves. Second Attack, about a week later: I checked the success of my first attack: damaged a few original inserts pretty well to full removal. And of what were still there, I made attempts to transfer the inserts from the original cases into Behind the inserts of different games. I've had to briefly explain my reasons and the Protest, and told them that they should NOT BE SELLING THE BLUE_ARM_BANDIT GAMES IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THAT THEY SHOULD SEND ALL OF THEIR REMAINING STOCK OF SONIC BOOM GAMES AND STUFF BACK TO SEGA, TO MAKE THEM CHANGE SONIC'S ARM COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!! They did nothing. And one last week later, the Third and Final Attack, and the ONE and ONLY time that the Fashion Square Location had been involved as well. I made up and printed faux price tag decals, with the short note to discourage purchase of the Blue Arm Bandit games, and promote the Protesting Boycott. And with the Five Wii U software cases that each melted a bit from the MY House Fire Last January, as well as Five Smoke Damaged 3DS Game Cases (no melting), I had printed a full front, side and back insert with the boycott encouragements, and the notes on the back to make the stores send their remaining stock Back To SEGA!

I Have ran into individuals giving me Bad Grief for my Protest and Actions, OUTSIDE from the Fashion Square Location, but I HAVE done my duty in full to the best of my abilities at the individual moments and circumstances.

I also HAD Hidden ALL of the Blue Armed Sonic Toys at Toys ''R'' Us here, concealed hidden amongst their metal cupboards, so they ALL would NOT be SOLD, and Best Boycotted for The Protest! They remained hidden for the longest time of over a Month; found and reshelved near the 20th of December to my personal dismay and crestfall. And at Best Buy, ALL Copies of THEIR Sonic Boom Games are STILL SUCCESSFULLY CONCEALED AND HIDDEN from View AND Purchase!

Anyhow, AFTER the Final Attack for the Protest, near a week later, on December 8, I had typed, signed, addressed and US Mailed apology letters, with the promise to have been done with my In Person Protest Deeds with No Further Action therein, to ALL but the Fashion Square GameStop, and I had sent one to Toys R Us as well. I had thought the FS GS would overlook the ONE attack of Protest on them, but obviously, I was mistaken.

Which brings us up to now.

Last Friday, the 26th, my mother and I were at the mall, getting pizza and spaghetti for lunch. She had informed me of a good Mini Refrigerator deal at Sears, so after eating, I made my way to check it out. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AT SEARS, and I went NOWHERE NEAR JCPENNY that day. There was a good 3.1 Cubic Foot Fridge for $129.99 that caught my eye, but that is to be purchased later.

On the way to Sears, I peeked into the GameStop, and I spotted a New Skylander Figure: Blastermind. I was set to buy it, and I was going to consider checking out their Wii U Preowned Software selection in their 3 for 2 deal. Innocent; I was NOT Looking for Trouble. But then this MALE Loomed out in front of me, frightened the crap out of me, and he said in a BOOMING VOICE that ONLY scared me worse, "YOU ARE BANNED FROM HERE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW." But still determined to continue my shopping, I veered into the Wii U direction, when his female accomplice startled me and boomed in as well. Still feeling frightened and mentally overloaded, I made a grab for my pepper spray to use In Defense. I offered a few Peaceful solutions, but she ended up sending him to go get security. So, I shouted, "Fine! I'm Leaving", and I dropped the figure. And on my way out, I told the MALE to Not Get Anyone, and we both stopped near simultaneous. I still felt my own worse from wear with the fear, startle, paranoia, and I did NOT want him following me and causing more trouble upon me. And then in my defense and to make my escape, I spritzed a miniscule amount of the pepper spray Downward; NOT into his face. And then I left.

I did not learn until much later that the spritz had done a lot worse than I had imagined it would, as well as learning that they were the so-called "Manager" and "Ass Manager" of that particular store.

I had No Idea of the contents of the Pepper Spray, OR that it was Illegal for use in certain situations in the state of Virginia at all.

And, I HAD tried the stuff on myself days before in the upstairs bathroom. A Two Second Spray onto my left wrist, some of it got onto the bath tub wall as well. Like sampling a perfume or deodorant. It Took Me Out damn well. I had to open the windows, turn on the bathroom fan AND aim the box fan into the bathroom to air the place out, and I wiped the wall off as well, and OF COURSE I washed my hands. It took fifteen to thirty minutes to make it bearable in there again.

In the end, Yes, I went along peacefully when the "Police" arrived to collect me, and I had to spend a miserable weekend in Jail. And I just got out on a bond and bail; yada, yada, yada.

In the END, I WAS the Victim; I did not cause the original provoking; The "Assistant Manager" Made the First Attack ONTO ME and Provoked my defensive response. I was Minding My Own Business; NOT Looking for Trouble, and then HE Startled Me, similar to a potential Rapist in a Dark Alley in a big city. ANY of you would have done the same as I Have in Defense AND Escape!

And we can SUE SEGA for Changing Sonic's Arm Colour and Ultimately, this MALE getting Pepper Sprayed! Think About It Seriously!

And my Protest Actions are NOT acts of "Vandalism", regardless of your individual perceptions. It was NOT Vandalism, but Good Protest when in around 2004, At Fashion Square, I tried their NEW Soda machines with a credit-debit card slot, and then I learned of the FIVE DOLLAR SURCHARGE that brought my bank account into the Freaking Red! I subtly Posted Sticky Note Signs onto each machine shortly after, "This Machine Charges You Five Dollars per Card Use". A few days later, the Original Machines returned! Nobody gave ME Any Freaking Grief or Complaints at all about that!

AND if you REALLY want to see the Whole Mess Happen, go find the Security Tape of the time of Point A, my finding Blastermind to Point B of my departure from the store.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of much required Packing to Take Care Of.

Good Day. <ref name=Chris>https://archive.today/HQknP</ref>}}

== Chris's side of the story 2: Eclectic Boogaloo ==

On, January 11th, Chris posted the following to his [[Facebook]] account, in which he once again paints himself as the victim and wishes that people could like him, even barring all of his other actions from the past. He also says that ''nobody should be banned from a store unless they are carrying a gun''.

{{quotebox|Just Listen; Do Not Comment or Respond; I am being Very Serious.
I Really Wish People would Positively Like Me. I can not make people like me, and if they dislike me, for their own individual reasons beyond my own comprehension.

I can not change their minds. But, to my utmost dismay and sadness, should I be threatened, or be made to feel threatened, I Will defend myself to force some respect from them.
All I would ever want is a good day and some peace of my own mind; I do not intend, nor have ever intended, unprovoked, to offend anyone.
And if my good day is turned bad, because of me feeling threatened by anyone, and then I feel those individuals immediately deserve to have a bad day themselves (and continue living on from there),
then it is Their Fault for pushing me into the defensive position in the first place.
It really does make me feel sad and most disappointed of the other people when they give me such grief to the point that I have to be put into a position to force some respect out of them.

And I have been growing more paranoid of Other People since November of 2007 with the damn bad people over the internet,
as well as those I have had the displeasure to have encountered in person who have shown me nothing but a difficult time and even more grief.

Also, I sincerely believe nothing would ever be gained from killing anyone, including myself; all that does is forces one or the other into their next realm or life;
Nobody really Learns or really Benefits anything from the deaths of any person. That is why I would never own, or want to own, a real gun.
"Look out, she's going for her mace!"
"What? Would you rather I have a gun with bullets in it?"

And that is another thing everyone Should be Aware of: I AM A FEMALE SOUL, and I Prefer to be referred to by the Female Pronouns. Any address of "Sir", or "Man" upon me, will only be met by a cold shoulder or stare in their general direction.

And NOBODY should ever be BANNED from a high-volume store like Wal-Mart or Target for anything less offensive than a gun withdrawl or robbery. We All Have Bad Days, and unless we actually Hit a Person or living individual or similar actions, in how we individually react to how we are feeling at the ONE Moment, aside from the other Individual Moments, To Ban an individual is just plain wrong.

And acts of protests with JUST Meanings, do not deserve any damn grief either.

Just Let Me Live On In Peace, Let Me enjoy my Good Day and Pleasant Shoppings and Outings, and DO NOT BOTHER ME AT ALL. I have No Intention Whatsoever to harm Any Individual Person or Myself. So, Please, Do Not Give Me Reason to be Forced to Defend Myself to garner any respect. All that does is give us all a Bad Day from a Good One.

Good Day. }}

== Gallery ==
<center><gallery>
File:GameStopCville.jpg|The store in [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|Fashion Square Mall]], site of the incident.
File:ChrisGameStopShort.png|The listing of his court hearing.
File:ChrisGameStopFull.png|The full details.
File:Chris%27AssaultAccount.png|Chris's violently insane version of the incident.
File:ChrisMugshot.jpg|Chris's distinctly [[Tomgirl Saga|unfeminine]] mugshot.
File:PROTESTING_SANIC_BUM.jpg|The defacement Chris intended to wreak.
</gallery></center>

== Fan Art ==
<center><gallery>
File:Goofytime PTSD Employ2.jpg|Retail employees will now have Chris haunting their nightmares.
File:Tomgrrllyfe.jpg|Chris after life on the inside.
File:Chris-chan as the Pepper Spray Cop.jpg|Don't call anybody!
File:Chris's strut.png|Fighting the law requires fashion!
File:Chris_in_court.jpeg| Meanwhile at Chris's trial...
</gallery></center>

== Video ==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan maces a GameStop employee
| video = {{#ev:youtube|yJkjjpFM97w}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt = Manchester Sweatshirt
| previous = [[Brushfire Video]]
| next = [[Documentary]]
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''A beep, most likely from the checkout machine, is heard as Chris walks near the camera. He blows a raspberry, presumably at monozettai, for a nanosecond as he passes the camera'']

'''Chris''': Don't call anybody!

[''Chris struts confidently towards the store entrance. Unintelligible background noise from other customers can be heard, and a family at the counter can be seen in shock at the creep they just witnessed.'']

'''Employee 1''': [''to customer at register''] 22-10. [''laughs'']

[''Chris sprays a yellow-shirted employee with pepper spray, who quickly backs up in self-defense.'']

'''Employee 2''': Whoa! Hey! [''mouths "what the fuck"'']

== Police Scanner Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Police scanner
| video = {{#ev:youtube|pk-Oa8BinxE}}
| stardate = 27 [[December 2014]]
| subject = {{Video games|text}}; {{Other|[[Sonic Boom Protests]]}}
}}

===Transcript===
{{Transcription}}
{{Incomplete}}
[''The entire audio is messy, grainy and hard to hear. If there are any inaccuracies in the audio, please feel free to help.'']

'''0:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP 5-7, APC--[''mumbling'']

'''Rookie:''' I'll cover it.

'''Cool cop:''' Stay there.

'''Old cop:''' He's at Fashion Square Mall. I'll get him. He's not in Shoppers World. I'm probably gonna pull up in the community and park the car. ''(CUTS OUT)'' and then...I'll go...check the car. He is described as a ''([[Stress sigh|sighs]])'' white male, 5-foot 9, with long brown hair. He was wearing two sets of glasses and [[Plush Breasts|fake breasts]]. ''(Someone in the background says "what the hell?")'' The name is supposed to be "Christopher Chandler".

'''1:00'''

'''Rural cop:''' I'll go and do it. I'm on location.

'''?:''' Okay.

'''?:''' Doin' okay.

'''?:''' Thank you, Ethan.

'''?:''' No problem.

'''?:''' Uhh... I'll be looking for seven, I'll probably be in that ''???'' mall for a little bit. Three-nine can just run it.

'''?:''' Fine, Arthur. Three-nine, you got... Yeah. He can just route a call from our phone. Okay.

'''?:''' Uh, have you sent out that thing from here, ''?????'' Thirty-nine can just draw it.

'''?:''' Uh, ''????'' and ''?????''

'''?:''' Roger.

'''2:00'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''2:26'''

'''Mike:''' ''?????''

'''Woman:''' Thank you, Mike.

'''2:32'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''3:23'''

'''?:''' Seven-six APC.

'''?:''' Copy, seven-six.

'''Rural cop:''' Someone here at the mall with ''???'' Chandler. A long time here. Trespass. Banned from the mall.

'''?:''' ''????'' uh, you got ''??????''

'''4:00'''

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven.

'''Rookie:''' Copy.

'''?:''' Uh, ''?????''

'''Rookie:''' That's correct.

'''Old cop:''' APC RP five-seven. ''(PAUSE) ?????'' seven-six

'''4:45'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''5:14'''

'''Ethan:''' ''???'' before seven APC

'''?:''' ''?????''

'''Ethan:''' Could I have the report number please?

'''?:''' Ethan, your number's 10725. Ten seven two five. ''(PAUSE) careful??????''

'''Ethan:''' ''????'' three units.

'''?:''' Sir, can you get me the report number ''????????''

'''?:''' ''?????'', you have, uh, 10726. Ten seven two six.

'''6:09'''

''(SILENCE)''

'''7:00'''

'''?:''' APC ''?????''

'''Woman:''' ''?????''

'''Old cop:''' ''?????'' car ''???????????????'' in the area ''????'' might have come from a house ''?????'' I'll check the ''book????''

==Fan Videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Dramatic Reading of Chris' Facebook Post
| video = {{#ev:youtube|1mNy4oamILA}}
| maker = [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7EpM9PXIn3bTIlJYiP1xWg BrendanielReads]
| stardate = 29 [[December 2014]]}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Fought the Law
| video = {{#ev:youtube|M2cKgb9xU2o}}
| stardate = 30 [[December 2014]]
| maker = FavoretFox
| subject = 26 December 2014
| type = [[Parody]] of The Crickets' "I Fought the Law"}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tyrone Declares Chris Chan's Innocence
| video = {{#ev:youtube|0A2p_OgkZw0}}
| stardate = 17 [[January 2015]]
| maker = Based Tyrone
| subject = 26 December 2014}}

== See also ==
* [[Chris and the Law]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Jail calls]]
* [[Sonic Boom Protests]]
* [[28 October 2011]]

==References==
<references />

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2014]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]