CWCki - User contributions [en]

Monthly tugboat

2010-11-27T18:19:39Z

Heinkel: /* References by Chris */

{{taxpayermoney}}

{{quote|Yet AGAIN I am waiting for my next tugboat from my Social before I can even pay a Website to Host me and grant me a better .com domain name than [[sonichu.com]]|Chris to [[Miyamoto]], complaining about how long his free money is taking}}

[[Image:Monthly_Tugboat.jpg|thumb|right|What Chris believes a monthly tugboat is. Your tax dollars at work, gentlemen.]]

The '''monthly tugboat''' is [[Chris's]] [[CWCism|euphemism]] for his [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|Social Security Disability Insurance]] payment, which is deposited into his bank account via direct deposit on or about the 3rd of each month<ref>[http://ssa.gov/pubs/calendar.htm]</ref>. Essentially, the U.S. government has a taxpayer-funded program to financially support disabled individuals whose injuries or ailments affect their ability to earn a living wage. Contrary to popular belief, Chris's check isn't a need-based welfare check, nor is it meant to replace a paycheck for someone who is unable to work. Chris's disability check is meant to supplement the money he would receive at a low-paying job (the best he could hold down) and provide him enough money to live on his own. Chris, of course, chooses not to work and mooches off his parents instead, blowing his tugboat on [[video games]]. Unfortunately, this doesn't disqualify him from receiving disability.

Currently, Chris receives $809 each month, with $580 going to his parents for room, board, and to pay toward his credit card debt.<ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[Jackie Chat 7]]</ref> The rest of it generally goes towards [[List of Chris's video games|video games]], junk food or [[sex toys|straight up his ass]]. However, $229 per month (about $7.50 per day) is nowhere near enough to satisfy Chris's need for games, porn, [[PlayStation Network]] downloads, a constant supply of [[McDonald's|Chicken McNuggets]], gallons of [[Coke]], and, since the summer of [[2009]], [[alcohol]]. As of [[January 2010]], he owed roughly $3,500 in credit-card debt, some on cards of his own and some on cards he stole from his parents. Indeed, according to one of his bank statementa <ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010.jpg]]</ref><ref>[[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg]]</ref>, at the end of one month he had less than three dollars left in his account. Even more, just by straight spending and no other extra income, he put himself $452.57 in the red.

Challenged by a correspondent in the [[Mailbag]], Chris claimed that he is not wasting his taxpayer-funded "tugboat", because he is putting that money back into the economy and indirectly paying the tugboats of others. According to Chris's [[Chris and reality|logic]], by purchasing useless commercial goods, he is paying sales tax which the government puts directly back into the hands of the needy.<ref>[[Mailbag 34]]</ref> This is a tremendous leap of faulty rationalization, even for Chris, and he fails to elaborate on his shaky economic theories in any detail. If you thought he didn't understand money before, [[Chris and Money|you ain't seen nothing yet]].

[[Image:Autism-costs.jpg|thumb|left|[http://www.autisticchild.org/autism-statistics This is true.]]]

On the advice of [[Bob Chandler|his father]], Chris doesn't get a job, supposedly because the tugboat gives him more money overall. However, Bob is totally wrong. At the time of this writing, minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25, pursuant to federal minimum wage. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180° on his life, get off disability, and begin working a full 40-hour week, his monthly income before taxes and rent payment would be approximately $1,260 USD. This would put Chris's annual income range, before tax, at roughly $15,100. Subtracting what he pays his parents to live in filth, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $9,000 in ''spending'' money, enough for many more sex toys and video games. Contrast this with the $2,748 Chris pulls in annually from the government after paying off his parents.

Even if this weren't enough, the most cursory research reveals that an [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|SSDI]] beneficiary could have earned from $700 a month in the year [[2000]], when Chris was 18, to $1,000 a month in [[2010]] without losing a cent of their SSDI payments.<ref>http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/COLA/sga.html</ref> It's clear that Bob's decision to encourage Chris's unemployment comes from negligence, ignorance, blind delusion, or the knowledge that his son is a total [[fail]]ure who can bring nothing but shame on himself and his family. His enabling has caused Chris to miss out on over $100,000 in potential earnings through the end of 2010, which could buy a lot of [[Muscle bra|bras]], [[Sex toys|fake china]], [[My Little Pony|children's toys]], and [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|Lego-covered PS3 accessories]].

If Bob's motivation comes from the reasonable assumption that Chris could never survive in an real-world workplace environment, of course, one wonders why [[Fridays After Five|he keeps unleashing him to run amok on an unsuspecting public]].

In the [[Father Call|father call]], Chris claims that his disability check is "a stepping-stone in the right direction of [him] moving out". Given Chris's tendency to waste his free money on frivolous shit rather than put it towards anything that might improve his life, he was probably just telling Kacey's father what he thought he wanted to hear.

Rough calculations and estimations say that if Chris lives into his eighties, given reasonable "cost of living" increases to his tugboat annually, he will receive roughly $1,000,000 over his lifetime from the American taxpayer. In this day and age, that's chump change and he'd amass a larger fortune if he simply got off his ass and got a career; of course, it's [[Chris and Health|extremely unlikely]] that his fat ass will live anywhere near that long.

==References by Chris==
*The earliest known use of the term "monthly tugboat" was in March [[2007]] in Chris's first e-mail to his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]]. When introducing himself, Chris says, "I'm getting by livin' with my folks and a monthly tugboat." He does not actually explain what a "monthly tugboat" is supposed to be.
*An [[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Adam_Stackhouse_wins.2C_Chris_is_a_horrible_cheater_and_likes_Megan_.22so_much.22|e-mail to Megan]] from August 2007 recounts Chris's purchase of ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' with his latest tugboat check.
*During the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris claimed he was waiting for his tugboat (in an e-mail to "Miyamoto" himself, no less) to fix technical problems with his website.
*In [[Mumble 1]], Chris mentions that he'll have to wait for his next tugboat to buy some new content for ''Ape Escape'' on the PSP.
*In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 4]], Chris tells [[Julie]] that he can't make it to Ohio until his next tugboat comes in.
*Since late 2009, [[Chris]] seemed to have mostly given up the term "tugboat," possibly because of its extensive adoption by trolls in the [[Mumble]] chats, the [[Mailbag]], and elsewhere. In the [[Father Call]] he refers to it as his "monthly income," while in the [[Jackie e-mails]] he simply says he's on Social Security, although he did refer to it once as a "tugboat" in [[Mailbag 34]].
*The [[BlueSpike Skype Logs 12|BlueSpike Skype logs]] shine a light on the origin of the term:
{{quote|it's a [[Random-access humor|fun story]]. anyway, you know the expression, "Our ship has come in," well that refers to a HUGE one-time amout of money, which can compare to a [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|Luxury Ship that can easily sink.]] and a Tugboat is more reliable, because even though it's smaller, it's built tougher, and it's usually better on time in that sense. so, I refer to my monthly income as a Tugboat, whereas I would refer to say winning the Lottery as a Luxary Ship. Chalk that idea up to a spot of [[Things Chris has ripped off|creative]] [[Autism|thinking]]. :)|Chris, demonstrating mastery of metaphor, naval engineering and analogy}}

In one of the [[Jackie_Chat_7|Jackie chat logs]] he wrote about the reason he deserves the welfare :

[7:47 pm] CWC: Originally, I was given that blessing through [[Bob|my father]], on one theory of me NOT being able to do the basics of a job, which I have told you I disagree with fully. 
[7:48 pm] CWC: Yesterday, I have actually asked [[God]] the question, because all I was coming up with was having deserved it from my [[Stress|trials and tribulations]] in my life. 
[7:48 pm] CWC: God responded... 
[7:48 pm] CWC: He told me that he blessed me because he saw me as one of the appreciative and [[Chris and English|less richer]] people, so he gave me that blessing through the approval. 
[7:49 pm] [[Jackie|Jacklyn Romy]]: ??? 
[7:49 pm] CWC: And I also asked him about the Job situation; why have I not been able to get a job then? 
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: that doesnt make sense 
[7:49 pm] Jacklyn Romy: why would God approve you to rip off the government when there are people starving and dying on the streets who genuinely need help 
[7:50 pm] CWC: he told me that he felt I was not ready to tackle a job yet, but he will bless me with a job when he sees fit. 
[7:50 pm] CWC: I don't know. 
[7:50 pm] Jacklyn Romy: thats not my understanding of how God works

==Sauces==
<references/>
==See also==
* [[Autism]]
* [[Chris and money]]
{{CWC-isms}}
[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Prank calls

2010-09-24T23:17:37Z

Heinkel: /* Transcript */

It's no secret that the Chandler home gets many '''prank calls''', thanks to [[Chris]]'s e-fame and the fact he actually revealed his phone number to the entire internet. Multiple times. However, many of the brave souls that call the Chandler home record their calls and upload them to [[YouTube]], providing an insight into the Chandlers' thoughts.

==Prank Call Collection==
A collection of various prank calls made to the almighty [[Bob Chandler|Internet Lumberjack]] on a Sunday afternoon.

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===Transcript===
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Yeah, how you doin'? My name is Chris, I'm from Boston.
 '''Bob:''' Hello? I don't understand your conversation.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Would it be possible for me to get your name?
 '''Bob:''' You called me.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Um, there's somebody playing games with the phone.
 '''Bob:''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I'm just answerin' my telephone.[''Inaudible.''] You called me. What the hell is on your mind, man?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''again, speaking over Bob''] We're connected to each other through a computer because somebody's sittin' in a room, hacking telephone numbers.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? What's on your mind? You called me, and now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You're a narcissist. You've got a personality di-disorder. Did you know that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't have a damn thing! You're the one that's a guh-guh-gutter creep [''Inaudible''] - that's just what you are.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob again''] I know your weaknesses. I know your weaknesses.
 '''Bob:''' Tell me what you want. I'm- I answered the phone, now tell me what you want. You rang my damn number.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You see, what you're doing is, you're burning up ''tens'' of ''thousands'' of dollars.
 '''Bob:''' I ain't burnin' up nothin', fella. Now you tell me what the hell you want, or I'm gonna hang this phone up. I don't need ''your'' crap.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Sir, you've just threatened me. And I've got you recorded now. Now you've committed a felony.
 '''Bob:''' That's good. I'm just gonna hang up if you don't tell me what you want.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Can you hear that stuff at the other end?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon? I didn't understand you.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I still didn't understand you. [''Inaudible.''] - speak distinctly.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' [''talking over Bob''] I've already told you who I am. I've already told you who I am. This is sheriff's depar-Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' I don't understand why you're callin' me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' What insurance department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ''call'' you! You called me! What are- Who are you, and what's goin' on?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm Deputy Martin from the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Would you speak slowly and one syllable at a time so I can understand you?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza. I'm here at Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' You're mayor of Big Daddy's Pizza? Is that what you said?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' I can't understand you. You need to take a diction lesson.
 [''Barbara is heard in the background urging Bob on'']
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm gonna advise you now, this is the sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Are- are you the sheriff's department?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Bob:''' Good. Why did you call me?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' No one's called ya.
 '''Bob:''' No one's called me? Then why didn't my phone ring?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Well, you need to stop- to quit callin' here.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you! Listen!
 [''call dropped; redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' [''in the middle of a conversation with Barb'']
 '''Barbara:''' What's the phone number comin' in?
 '''Bob:''' Nothin'.
 '''Barbara:''' Well, hang up!
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who the hell is this?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Hello, I'm calling, this is Officer Martin from the sheriff's department. How can I help you this evening?
 '''Bob:''' [''chuckling''] I don't know, you can't help me. You're calling me.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Callin' you and cussin' you, OK? Why would I call you when I'm on the sheriff's department why would I call somebody and cuss them out?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know.
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Who is ''this''? For cryin' in a bucket...
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' This is the sheriff's depar- Deputy Martin from sheriff's department.
 '''Bob:''' Well, insurance department of what?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Big Daddy's Pizza.
 '''Bob:''' Big Daddy's Pizza. OK, Big Daddy. Will you please quit callin' me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' I'm advising you to stop calling.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Now listen, you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before you god danged you...[interrupted] - pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
 '''Bob:''' YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! Don't call me again! Get down in your damn low-life gutter, okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] Hey, fuck you, you stupid cocksucker.
 '''Bob:''' I don't play that. And don't call me again! You bastard!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Fuck you.
 '''Bob:''' Forget my number! Alright?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Whatta ya need done?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Duncan Construction.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' This is who?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' This is Frank Garrett.
 '''Bob:''' Well, Frank, what is on your mind?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hey, does your mama still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pusshy?
 '''Bob:''' What is on your mind, sir?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Did they turn you out of your fuckin' cage again or what?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, you motherfucker! Get off of my telephone and quit bothering' it! Okay?
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' [interrupting] No.
 '''Bob:''' Get down in your low-life gutter and stay there!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' No.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, why are you calling my number?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you
 '''Bob:''' Well then... uh why are you speaking with me?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I have been called 15 times.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' me every 3 minutes for?!?!?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, i'm sitting here in my living room; watching TV.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Why don't you get your brass balls and come up here buddy?
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't know who you are or where you are, but... and I don't really care! But you... I'll let you talk to my wife and you tell her why your cussin' at me!
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' OK
 '''Bob:''' ''[In the background, Bob and Barbara converse]''
 ''[troll holds in laugh]''
 '''Barbara:''' Hello?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Barbara:''' Who are you calling?
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I didn't call you
 '''Barbara:''' Well, you're fucked up somehow; goodbye.
 '''Gay Florist (soundboard):''' I'll bust your head wide open if I could see you!
 [''redialed'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''somber music plays in the background'']
 '''Bob:''' Why are you callin' on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, I'm just trying to go to sleep.
 '''Bob:''' I wish you'd quit bothering my telephone, i'm trying to watch TV. I'm an 82 year old man, now cut it out!
 '''Depressed Guy (soundboard):''' My fuckin' life's not doing too well right now, dude.
 ''[call ends]''
 ''[music goes on for a while then fades out]''

==Failed Prank Call==
In this video, a gaggle of trolls attempt to prank call Chris, yelling [[For Julie's Eyes Only|JULAYYYYY]] into the phone. Instead, they get Bob, who instantly realizes the prank and yells at the trolls.

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===Transcript===
'''Troll 1:''' [''whispers insults at the time it's taking for someone to answer'']
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' JULAAAAY JULAAAAY JULAAAAY!
 '''Bob:''' What the hell's that supposed to mean? That you're an idiot?
 '''Troll 2:''' Woah woah woah, are you Bob Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn't matter who I am, who is this idiot I'm talking to on the other end?
 '''Troll 2:''' Umm
 '''Bob:''' You got some funny ass ideas about playing games of mind on the telephone don't you. Are you six years old or somethin'?
 '''Troll 1:''' [unintelligible] We got his fucking dad. Shit.

==Chris Calls Bob ==
In this video, a troll calls the Chandler home, using a soundboard of Chris-chan to prank the Chandler home. Note how Bob either recognizes that the call is a prank or he doesn't recognize his own son's voice; also, note that he has a caller ID phone.

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===Transcript===
'''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm fine, but you're wasting your time calling my phone, you know that?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Don't say that.
 '''Bob:''' Because it doesn- it doesn't make any noise. All it does is flash a light. So it really doesn't bother me, I just thought I would tell you that you're wasting your time
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 [Call likely cut - redialed]
 '''Bob:''' I thought I told you, we don't answer any calls that have unknown names on them or unknown numbers.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being-
 [Redialed]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello!
 '''Bob:''' Hello.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening sir, how are you?
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty good.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Bob:''' Why do you bother to call this phone?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Are you really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Bob:''' Yes, I am. Why do you bother to call this phone, because the phone doesn't ring.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell? Why are you- why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Barbara:''' Don't call us anymore.
 '''Bob:''' Now don't, don't cuss at me, fella.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Bob:''' I'll start cussing at at you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella. Kid. Whatever you dumbass is.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[heard in the background]'' Hang up the phone!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 ''[more indistinct conversation in the background, "Hang up the phone!" etc.]''
 '''Bob:''' Well listen, listen. The phone doesn't ring, all it does is light a light, so you're not botherin' me and every once in a while I try and tell you people that you're wastin' your damn time. Okay, you're not botherin' us. So why the hell do you do-waste all that effort? Put it in to something con- constructive and creative.
 '''Barbara:''' ''[interjects]'' Go to Haiti!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, go to Haiti and help those people, or go to hell, one or the other. ''[Chris soundboard says something simultaneously]''
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes- Yes I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 [''Bob hangs up'']

=='Epic Crazy Lady' calls Bob==
A troll using a soundboard of a super loud Fundamentalist yells at Bob over the phone, while Bob throws insults at her and makes comments on how he can't understand her, as she continues to get angrier.

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{{quote| Listen boy, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!| Bob}}

===Transcript===
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Who do you think you are?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who do you think you're talking to?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Do you know that you're not supposed to talk that way?
 '''Bob:''' Who are you?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem. God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon, who or what is...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] God needs to move in your life.
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon. I can't even begin to understand what you're saying.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God needs to move in your life ''severely''!
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Bring yourself over here! I'll show you what's the matter! OK?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you come over here and I'll show ''you'' what's the matter?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Nine hundred Collins Road, bring yourself, buddy.
 '''Bob:''' Hey, buddy. Listen, boy.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. You understand?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I am the woman of the house, and you don't call me and ask me who my daddy is.
 '''Bob:''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care. But you are invading my privacy, and you are cussing at me, and I don't like it.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Call my house and talk that way. I tell you what, why don't you call my husband, and tell my husband that?
 '''Bob:''' I don't know who you are or who you think I am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Yeah, that's what you are, a big old chicken.
 '''Bob:''' Who do think I am?
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' God forgive you.
 '''Bob:''' I wish that you knew what number you called, because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call your house, sir, ma'am...
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] No, you are!
 '''Bob:''' ...or whatever you are.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You ain't no man. I don't know who you are, but I tell you what, I live at 900 Collins Road. Why don't you bring yourself over here?
 '''Bob:''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' Fine.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Bob says something to Barbara about a "goddamn screwy woman." Barbara tells him: "Hang up on her. I ain't talkin' to nobody, this time of night. Hang it up."''] You better check the number that you called, because you're not talking to anybody that you know.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' I ain't called your house. Who do you think you are, calling my house?
 '''Bob:''' I haven't called your house. I am the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' You have got a issue problem.
 '''Bob:''' [''In the background, Barbara tells Bob to hang up because he's getting on her nerves.''] I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Epic Crazy Lady (soundboard):''' [''Unintelligible''] bring yourself over here and I'll show you what a whooping is.
 [''Bob hangs up'']
 '''Harlem Barber:''' Barbershop
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Harlem Barber:''' [''Whistles'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.

==Bob Calls Himself==
In this one, Bob seems not to be able to recognize his own voice, and his view on trolls is the same as Chris's, "Internet people who persecute people". Also, Snorlax makes an appearance.

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{{quote| I ain't got no black ass!| Barbara, at| Bob |color=silver|size=360%}}

===Transcript===
'''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling your phone, why are you calling my phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Bob:''' Well who are you? You're the one that made the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who do you think I am?!
 '''Bob:''' I don't know wha- who you are but I know you're in Oklahoma.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call the number; my phone rang.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why I-I answered the phone now tell me what you want you rang my damn number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't ring your number but if you're in Oklahoma you shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I wish that you- you knew what number you called because I think you're calling the wrong number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call anybody I just picked up the phone; let me explain something to you, can I do that? I-I'm a Texan now can I-can I explain something to you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Bob:''' Okay. There is on the internet... a a bunch of trolls, now they persecute people and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this-the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they've even gived it a named called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. And I think if I-if you think that I called your number and that's what's happening to you because I did not call your number. But that's-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Speaking over''] Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' -what's happened to me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Bob:''' Who am I? I'm Robert Chandler and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth, so I'm a neighbor.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What's on your mind, you called me now shut up or get off the phone or speak!
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm talking to you what do- else do you want?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody but please quit calling my number.
 '''Bob:''' I didn't call you but I'm trying to explain how these people do it. Okay?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Nobody's playing games with the phone unless you are.
 '''Bob:''' Well, look: I'm 82 years old, all right? I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours or at one time I was. I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa. Okay? I have a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are or who you are and I don't really care.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening. You're being a victim of the internet people that persecute people, because I didn't call your number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I still didn't understand you.
 '''Bob:''' Well I don't wha-wha how can I explain it any simpler to you. They-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy
 '''Bob:''' -they have a program in-in their computer which allows them to dial numbers anywhere in the country and put in as the caller ID any particular telephone number they want to.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker get down in your lowlife gutter and stay there!
 '''Bob:''' Listen I didn't start cussing at you now-now-now just [[Bob walks in|cut it down]], cool it down; I'm trying to be nice to you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Barbara:''' Hello there.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello.
 '''Barbara:''' Sir or mam or whatever the hell you are.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who the hell is this?!
 '''Barbara:''' Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get down in you lowlife gutter and stay there
 '''Barbara:''' We didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...er...thing that's going on. There are a lot of- lot of weird people out here and you might be included as one of them if you are calling us and cussing us out. Now hang up the phone and forget the number.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there!
 '''Barbara:''' I ain't got no black ass! You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy.

== Liquid Bob calls Bob ==
A troll pretending to be a Liquid version of Bob calls Bob. In this video we learn that Bob doesn't know of Sonic, and thinks Chris invented Sonichu himself. Also, we learn that the trolls are spoofing the telephone company.

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{{quote|S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.|Bob, repeating himself}}

===Transcript===
'''Bob:'''-FBI and everybody else, that there's a system that goes on that says that anybody that wants to do it that knows how with the proper software and stuff can call any number in the country that they want to and can put any particular phone number in the system as if it came from that number to the people: called spoofing. S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Is-
 '''Bob:''' -you can call your local police department if you like about that but that's the name they all know it as: spoofing. Now I'm not calling your number some dizzy kook out there on the internet is playing games with ya.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you telling me that somebody out there on the internet is using your phone number in an attempt to pin the blame on your family?
 '''Bob:''' That's right. It goes on all the time, I've gotten calls from people everywhere. I've even-I've even uh gotten calls where I was terrorizing people and I wasn't even on the phone!
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh, sir I-I do not happen to know if anybody on the internet who is drawing cartoons, I-I don't know I don't use the internet but if that's-
 '''Bob:''' I don't use the internet either but my son does.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh-
 '''Bob:''' These people they hate him because he has copyright, and he just won a case in England on copyright, and there are people in the world that hate him, there are people in the world that love him but there are people in the world that hate him and the people in the world that hate him are going to all sorts of ends to try and destroy him.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son-your son is a
 '''Bob:''' -one of the ways they do it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Your son is a cartoonist?
 '''Bob:''' Yes he is.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's very-that's a very nice to hear. I hope he's doing good.
 '''Bob:''' Well he doesn't make a living at it but he's autistic, he's shares his cartoons with the world and has for the last ten or twelve years.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I've got a grandson who's into cartoons like that, he might know 'em. He's on the internet uh looking up cartoons on the internet and uh I think it's pretty nifty to be quite honest with you. That-
 '''Bob:''' Well the ones that my son does is called Sonichu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Sonichu? Is that some Japanese thing or what?
 '''Bob:''' Well it's Sonic and chu.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh so-
 '''Bob:''' Like a Pikachu and like the Sonic.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well my grandkids are into this little thing called Pikachu but I wouldn't know anything about that. You taught your son-your son is a creator of this character?
 '''Bob:''' Ever since before the year 2000-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh
 '''Bob:''' -he's been putting and drawing them and putting them on the internet with the world.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh oh I see where this- I just wanted to find w-where these telephone numbers are up and coming from because-
 '''Bob:''' I'm not calling you, you can go and check with your local police department if you like but there is called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoo-
 '''Bob:''' They gon' come and say they can't stop it either,
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Spoofing.
 '''Bob:''' I-I could be put in jail for just terrorizing people cause my number comes in on their caller ID.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Can I-is this Mister Chandler right, your name is Mister Chandler right?
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, you-your
 '''Bob:''' Robert Chandler, I've got nothing to hide.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There-there are
 '''Bob:''' I'm eighty-two years old and I'm retired from GE.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' There are other people I have heard I think one of my sons has been receiving calls from that number as well. I did a look-read up of that as well, my son who is very into the internet did a look up of that number and found out that most people are getting calls from that number as well.
 '''Bob:''' Well you see these people are using our number to try and get us in trouble.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I am very sorry to hear that sir.
 '''Bob:''' Well that's just how this world goes there are some lousy people in this world [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I-uh oh man I uh-- have you reported this incident yet?
 '''Bob:''' Well you try and get in touch with the FBI, have you ever tried to get in touch with he FBI, you can't get in touch with the FBI. They don't even have any phone numbers and if you find a phone number you then get an answering machine and nobody ever calls you back. They get no money for this kind o' thing, this internet crime stuff-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are-are you saying they are purposely ignoring this-
 '''Bob:''' [''speaking over''] -mistaken identity and everything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -they are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' They are purposely ignoring this?
 '''Bob:''' That's right they are purposely ignoring it, the telephone company will tell you the same thing. They all have this thing named and it's called spoofing.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' So they know this thing exists but they won't do anything about it.
 '''Bob:''' That's right they won't do a thing about it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Yeah-
 '''Bob:''' The caller ID won't block it or anything.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Are you a Republican sir?
 '''Bob:''' I'm a-I'm a Republican yes.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That is-
 '''Bob:''' I didn't vote for Obama that's-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I did not vote for Obama either.
 '''Bob:''' Heh. What part of New York are you in?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think we live around Upstate New York, I-we're very conservative-
 '''Bob:''' -Upstate New York once, I lived in Utica.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I have a cousin who lives in Utica, I don't know if he's still living there but I haven't spoke to him in ten years-
 '''Bob:''' Yeah I worked with GE up there once bout forty years ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' General Electric?
 '''Bob:''' Yeah General Electric.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh, that's a very nice-I heard that's a very nice employ- steady job.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah well I retired from there so.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just want-
 '''Bob:''' I enjoyed it, I used to go hiking in the Adirondacks and up there in the-in the mountains of uh--whate-- white mountain I guess it is they call it or something.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think that's what we'll call it, it's very cold up here too; very very cold.
 '''Bob:''' I could remember some days when it was 35 below 0 up here. I got my tootsie-
 '''Liquid Bob:''' We just had sixteen, sixteen inches of snow. I was-
 '''Bob:''' Would you believe I'm sitting in Charlottesville if you know where that is, in Virgin-Virginia
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I think it's
 '''Bob:''' next to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, I can see the mountains from my house. But we have right now two feet of snow in our yard and one time we had over three feet; bout two weeks ago.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That- holy moly! Are you able to get on the road safely?
 '''Bob:''' Well I-I parked my car next to the street and I finally we got a plow and I can get in and out right now because I'm next to street but for about a week we couldn't get out at all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Huh- that's very scary to hear that you guys get that much snow during the winter months.
 '''Bob:''' It stopped Washington, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York too, the same storms. It put the government out of business for seven days up there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Oh, that just goes to shown ya you can't underestimate nature.
 '''Bob:''' That's right you can't, that's what I learned while I was in Utica in Upstate New York there.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' It gets pretty bad up here let me tell. It-we had an ice storm about twenty years ago, it took the power out for nearly a month, all the cars were frozen, we couldn-we couldn't even use our refrigerator, oh it was scary we were afraid it wasn't even gonna come back on.
 '''Bob:''' Well I'm [''chuckles''] I'm sure, well I can remember it we used to get all that what do you call it; lake effect snow?
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh what was-
 '''Bob:''' -snow up there, the snow that comes off the moisture off the great lake there? And uh I can remember three feet of snow in Utica
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Uh yeah uh that's-
 '''Bob:''' [''laughs'']
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -it hasn't been that bad yet, hopefully it won't be that bad in the future, winter months almost over and I can tell ya I want to get out on my boat again. And fish don't- and I go snapper fishing and they don't come 'till August.
 '''Bob:''' That's right, I remember a joke about it up there, you-you had two seasons: winter and the 4th of July.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' [''forced laughing''] Yeah uh- that's what they call it: Christmas and July [''chuckles'']
 '''Bob:''' That's right.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I'm gotta be going now, well I just wanted to clear this-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry just ignore those calls cause it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well I just wanted to be-verify this cause occasionally people have called us and we just wanted to see if it was important or not. Cause I do have family in Virgi-
 '''Bob:''' Somebody might not like your son on the internet and that's why they're- number and everythin' and that's why they're using our number to terrorize you.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh that probably answers some random number- back when I was little boy we used to just type in random numbers and the-phone just make ran- calls. I'm not proud of it or anythin' that's just what we did, it's none of this scary stuff that involves computers and everything; we did it in good fun we weren't tryin' to be antagonistic about it.
 '''Bob:''' Well there you are- for a while there they were even trying to talk my son into committing suicide over the internet.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well that's just wrong.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah it's disgusting and the federal government won't do a thing to help us- or the local government or anybody.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Have you gotten the police involved yet?
 '''Bob:''' It's just uh- it's just we've learned how to cope with it that's all.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' That's a-that's a shame. I hope they- you know- don't go too far with this or you better get the police involved.
 '''Bob:''' We have but they don't do anything; they say this is an internet matter it's federal government
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Apparently-
 '''Bob:''' -federal government says we don't have any money.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' -according to my son the police say we don't give crap about goes on the internet; they only care if it goes on-
 '''Bob:''' That's absolutely correct.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Well uh I have to be going now Mister Chandler it's uh-
 '''Bob:''' -sorry, sorry somebody's been botherin' you but it ain't us.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' I'll just keep-I'll just- I'll block uh this whoever spoofin' me from now on. Well thank you for clearin' this up I uh hope things go better for you and your son. Have a good day sir.
 '''Bob:''' We've learned to just ignore it.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' You should. Well have a good day and I hope the winter months don't give you the cold shoulder [''laughs'']
 '''Bob:''' I'll be alright.
 '''Liquid Bob:''' Alright take care now.

== Snake Productions Calls Bob Chandler ==
Not much of a prank, but rather an informative call. From this brief conversation between troll and dad we learn that Bob is fully aware that Chris posted their dox in numerous places on the internet, and actually thinks [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his]] [[For Julie's Eyes Only|son]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|is]] [[Twin Falling Towers|a]] [[Sonichu Special 4|better]] [[Sonichu 10|person]].

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=== Transcript ===

 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello? Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Oh, oh, hey, um, I've been hearing that, uh...
 '''Bob:''' Why you ringin' my number?
 '''Troll''': Um, your son's kinda like getting you through some trouble on the, uh...online. He's giving out his- giving out your home phone number.
 '''Bob:''' My home phone number's been on the internet four years, and I don't care. Now why you callin' my number?
 '''Troll:''' Yeah, your...I think you heard about how your, uh, [[Tour of Chris's House|videos of your house]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|were on the Internet]]?
 '''Bob:''' I've heard a lot of stuff, and most of it is a bunch of trash, okay?
 '''Troll:''' Well, um...
 '''Bob:''' Why you callin' my number?
 ''' Troll:''' W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute, wait. Um...
 '''Bob:''' I'm gettin' kinda sick and tired of you people botherin' my home phone number. This is my private phone number, now get rid of it.
 '''Troll:''' Wait, wait, I'm not trying to piss you off.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you are, because you're comin' in on an unknown blocked number call.
 '''Troll:''' Your-
 '''Bob:''' If you were up and aboard and above board(?) and really doin' what you say you ki- think you're doin', then your number would come in along with your name.
 '''Troll:''' [''quietly''] Shit, whatever lumberjack.
 '''Bob:''' Yeah, you can't argue with that, can you? Now quit callin' my damn number and leave it alone!
 '''Troll:''' Okay [[Chris_and_race#Parental_influence|KKK cracker.]]
 '''Bob:''' Okay, cracker.
 [''Troll snickers'']
 '''Bob:''' Get your act together. I'm 82 years old, and I've survived a long damn time. The way you're goin', you're not gonna make it very far.
 '''Troll:''' Can't raise your damn son right.
 '''Bob:''' I raised my son. [[Chris and psychology|My son is fine]]. [[Fail|My son has done a lot better than you have]], [[Chris and anger|he's a hell of a lot nicer than you are]], he doesn't go around callin' people all the damn time.
 '''Troll:''' Hey, I'm nice, but I'm just- I'm just trying to let you know, you're trying to, you're kinda being an ass on the other line.
 '''Bob:''' No, I'm not being an ass. I'm just gettin' tired of [[Chris and his ego|you people out there thinkin' you're God's gift to the world when you're not]].
 '''Troll:''' W-well, I'm- I'm not thinking, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' Look at yourself in the mirror every morning, look at yourself...
 '''Troll:''' I do.
 '''Bob:''' ...and say "Now what do I do to deserve to judge other people?..."
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm not-
 '''Bob:''' "...I'm so great that I can judge other people, and they're so damn far below me?" No, I think you should get off the phone and find yourself somethin' constructive to do as an entertainment.
 '''Troll:''' Well, I'm just-
 '''Bob:''' Thank you and good night.
 '''Troll:''' Okay, bitch.
 [''call ends'']

== Chris calls Mary Lee Walsh and Michael Snyder ==
A troll using a soundboard of Chris prank calls [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Michael Snyder]]. However, both realize the caller to be a fake and hang up.

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==== Transcript (Mary) ====
'''Mary:''' Hello, Mary Lee Walsh?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You've been nothing but- nothing but a pain in my- a pain in my side! [''talking over Mary''] You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Mary:''' What are you- Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' [''again talking over Mary''] You shut up!
 '''Mary:''' I'm sorry, who am I speaking to?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler.
 [''silence'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Pussy.
 '''Mary:''' Um, who?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Mary:''' Well, I'll track the number, what do you need-
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come- I invite you to write this down.
 [''silence'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uh, yeah, you know my address, right? You got MapQuest to come all the way over?
 [''Mary hangs up'']

==== Transcript (Michael) ====
'''Madeleine:''' The Game Place, this is Madeleine. How can I help you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Madeleine:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uhh, who is this?
 '''Madeleine:''' This is Madeleine.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm sorry. Yeah, okay, well I've mis- I've misunderstan- okay, well I've- I've misun-
 '''Madeleine:''' Can I help you with something?
 [''pause, faint whispering in the background'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' We have miscommunication.
 [''unintelligible; Chris and Madeleine talk at the same time'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uhh, who is this?
 '''Michael:''' Christian.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch! [''talking over Michael'']
 '''Michael:''' You wanna talk to me, you need to ''talk'' to me.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uh, yeah, you know my address, right? You got MapQuest to come all the way over?
 '''Michael:''' Yeah, so?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now, I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Michael:''' I don't know who this is, but, uh, it's a waste of everbody's time.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 [''silence; Michael talks faintly in the background'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on!
 [''silence; Michael talks faintly in the background'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 [''silence; Michael talks faintly in the background'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''silence; Michael talks faintly in the background'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''silence'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Pussy.
 [''redialed'']
 '''Michael:''' The Game Place, this is Mike. How may I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen, boy. You get yo black ass down a gutter and stay there.
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' How about you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head?
 [''pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''call ends'']

== Bob calls Cole Smithey ==
A troll using a soundboard of Bob prank calls Christian's half brother, [[Cole Smithey]], but with little success...

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==== Transcript ====
'''Answering machine:''' Hi, you've reached Cole-
 '''Cole:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey, buddy.
 '''Cole:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there.
 '''Cole:''' Hahahahahahaha.
 [''Default Skype hanging up sound, Cole hangs up'']
 [''Redial'']
 '''Answering machine:''' Hi, you've reached Cole at [''"*Bleeped out number*" is displayed on the screen, accompanied by Chris screaming'']. Please leave your telephone number twice, along with your message. Thanks. [''beep'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler. Why don't you quit dialin' my number, and go somewhere and play a game with the gutter rats?
 [''Default Skype hanging up sound, troll hangs up'']
 [''tape runs out'']

==Chris calls Golden Corral==
The same troll from the above call utilizes his soundboard once again to prank Charlottesville's local [[Golden Corral]]. Lulz ensue when he engages in a verbal conflict with the restaurant [[Manajerk|Manager]].

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====Transcript====
''[Intro music: "I Love This Bar" by Toby Keith.]''

'''Waitress:''' [unintelligible]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Waitress:''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' How are you?
 '''Waitress:''' Fine.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 [''at the same time''] What? / My name is Christian Weston Chandler.
 '''Waitress:''' I can't understand you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Waitress:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Waitress:''' Aah, hold on.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''pause; a radio can be heard playing in the background'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''silence'']
 '''Waiter 1''' Good morning, this is [unintelligible] speaking. How can I help you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Waiter 1''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up. You've been nothing but a- you've been nothing but a pain in my- just a pain in my side!
 '''Waiter 1''' Hello?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on!
 [''call ends; redialed'']
 '''Waiter 2:''' Golden Corral, [unintelligible], how can I help you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What the hell. Why are you- why did you start doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on!
 [''call ends; redialed'']
 '''Waiter 3:''' Golden Corral of Charlottesville, how can I help you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come- I invite you to write this down. You can find me right now; I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 [''call ends; redialed'']
 '''Waiter 4:''' Good morning, thank you for calling Golden Corral Charlottesville. [Unintelligible], how can I help you today?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uh, yeah, you know my address, right? You got MapQuest to come all the way over?
 '''Waiter 4:''' Yeah, you should, [unintelligible], you need the address, man?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''at the same time''] [unintelligible] / 14 Branch-
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No. 14 Branchland Court. Ruckersville.
 '''Waiter 4:''' I'm sorry, [unintelligible]?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Waiter 4:''' In Ruckersville; that's your address. I don't need your address; do you need our address?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come- I-
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What time do you think you can be by my place?
 '''Waiter 4:''' I'm not coming to your place.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Waiter 4:''' Why would we come to your place, man?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You've been nothing but a- you've been nothing but a pain in my- just a pain in my side!
 '''Waiter 4:''' Man, I think you need to stop calling this number, because I don't know what's up, but obviously you've got some crossed signals somewhere, and you're calling our restaurant, and we do not deliver, and I don't know who you are, so [unintelligible] you need to stop calling, thank you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on!
 [''call ends; redialed'']
 '''Waiter 5:''' Good afternoon, thank you for calling Golden Corral of Charlottesville, this is [unintelligible] speaking, how can I help you [unintelligible]?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 '''Waiter 5:''' Okay, look. Let me be really frank with you. Stop calling this damn number, bitch. Alright? [unintelligible] I suggest-
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Shut the hell up.
 '''Waiter 5:''' [unintelligible]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You shut up!
 [''call ends; redialed'']
 '''Manager:''' Hello!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' At least I don't go around lying, pretending that I am an astronaut.
 '''Manager:''' Who is this?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Manager:''' Why do you keep calling here?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You've been nothing but a- you've been nothing but a pain in my- just a pain in my side!
 '''Manager:''' [unintelligible]
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler.
 '''Manager:''' Christian what?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Christian Weston Chandler.
 '''Manager:''' Okay, well, you need to stop calling us [unintelligible], okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Manager:''' Yeah; otherwise I'm going to have to call the police.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court. Ruckersville.
 '''Manager:''' 14 Branchland Court, Ruckersville.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Go ahead, go ahead and take it to the police!
 '''Manager:''' I will, because we have no idea who you are!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Manager:''' Now, do you have a home number? I can have somebody from our [unintelligible] contact you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Manager:''' [unintelligible] so you don't want us calling your damn phone, do ya?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Manager:''' Yep, that's what I'm writing down, man. And, uh, stop calling the damn phone, okay? 'Cause you're crazy.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I don't know.

==Phone Harassment==
A troll using a soundboard of Bob harasses several people over the phone. Lulz ensues.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|dkPTB461mLo}}
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====Transcript====

 '''Frankie:''' [''Unintelligible''] How may I help?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 year old man.
 [''Pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Frankie:''' Do you have a question for a [''Unintelligible''] this mornin'?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay. Can I explain something to you?
 '''Frankie:''' Okay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen, boy. You get your black ass down in the gutter-
 '''Frankie:''' [''Interrupting, unintelligible'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' - And stay there.
 [''Call ends'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't care what you are or who you are.
 [''Redial'']
 '''Frankie:''' Hi this is Frankie can I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello? Hello?
 '''Frankie:''' Hello this is Frankie, can I help?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old but I was born in Fort Worth. Who are you?
 '''Frankie:''' [''Unintelligible''] Thank you, bye.
 [''Call ends'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen you motherfucker! You get your black ass down in the gutter.
 [''Redial'']
'''Frankie:''' [''Unintelligible''] Can I help?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I explain something to you? Can I do that?
 '''Frankie:''' No.
 [''Call ends'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well let me explain something to you.
 [''Redial'']
 '''Frankie:''' [''Unintelligible''], How can I help?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hey buddy, I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa, we're basically a neighbor of yours. Who is this?
 [''Call ends'']
 [''Calls Blockbuster'']
 '''Jarred:''' Blockbuster Video, Jarred speaking, how may I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you and what's goin' on?
 '''Jarred:''' Huh?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Jarred:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Jarred:''' I'm... not, may I ask who this is?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Cut it down. I'm Robert Chandler. Why are you callin' my phone?
 '''Jarred:''' I haven't placed a call today.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you fucking my phone?
 '''Jarred:''' Excuse me?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy. Why are you fucking my phone?
 '''Jarred:''' Um.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay.
 '''Jarred:''' Yeah, I'm gonna to go ahead and hang up. Thank you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You the mayor of Big Daddy's pizza? Is that what you said?
 [''Ends call'']
 [''Redial'']
 '''Jarred:''' Hello, Blockbuster Video, Jarred speaking.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Now listen you motherfucker. You get your black ass down in a gutter and stay there. Okay?
 '''Jarred:''' I'm, I'm not sure what you're on about, but I haven't placed a call today.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Let me explain something to you. I didn't call you, but I'm tryin' to explain how these people do it! Okay?
 [''Pause'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' May I explain something to you?
 '''Jarred:''' Go ahead.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in Ruckersville, Virginia. I was born in Fort Worth. I'm basically a neighbor of yours. You come over here and I show you what's the matter.
 '''Jarred:''' Sir I'm in [''Clipped''] Kentucky, I'm not anywhere near-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting''] Oklahoma! I've got a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also.
 '''Jarred:''' Right.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes. I've got a lot of Cherokee relatives that live in your state also. So I'm a neighbor.
 '''Jarred:''' Okay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling on me on a Sunday afternoon?
 '''Jarred:''' I haven't called you sir.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Jarred:''' Very well.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hello there!
 '''Jarred:''' Hello.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' There are a lot of- lot of weird people out here and we didn't have-we didn't have anything to do with this damn...uh...thing that's going on.
 '''Jarred:''' Didn't having anything to do with what that's going on? You cut off for a second.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Sir or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are. Don't you call up here-now look don't you call up here cussing at my husband.
 '''Jarred:''' I haven't called, nor cursed at all.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' You get your gutter ass out in the gutter and shut up!
 '''Jarred:''' Oh, very well.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well I'm trying to be nice to you and to explain what's happening.
 '''Jarred:''' I'm trying to understand, but I'm not quite getting it because there has not been a phone call placed from this phone today. This is a Blockbuster Video, and we don't call out.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I didn't call you but I'm tryin' to explain how these people do it. There is on the internet.
 '''Jarred:''' Yes.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' A bunch of trolls, and these these trolls have found somewhere somebody that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID.
 '''Jarred:''' Righ- [''Unintelligible, being talked over'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay. They have the program in their computer that allows them to dial numbers, anywhere in the country and put in as the caller I.D., any particular telephone number they want too.
 '''Jarred:''' Right.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Now this the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they even gived it a name called spoofing.
 '''Jarred:''' Uh huh.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Now they persecute people. You called me. Why are you calling me? I'm 82 years old. I'm an 82 year old man. Okay, cool it down, I'm trying to be nice to you. Okay?
 '''Jarred:''' And I'm trying to be nice, but I'm, as I said, the, we, if some is indeed hacking our number, we did not actually place the call.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good. Okay?
 [''Ends call'']
 [''New call'']
 '''Dude:''' Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Let me explain something to you. Can I explain something to you?
 '''Dude:''' Who, who you tryin' to reach?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G. Okay? Can I do that?
 '''Dude:''' No!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Spoofing. Can I do that?
 '''Dude:''' No.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You shouldn't be upset like that. I'm an 82 year old man. Cut it down.
 [''Call ends'']
 [''New call'']
 '''Sam:''' Sam (Anses?), how can I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Sam:''' Hello.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you callin' me? Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Sam:''' hello? Who's this? Hello?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler. Can I explain something to you?
 '''Sam:''' What?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Let me explain something to you. Listen, you motherfucker, you get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. Okay?
 '''Sam:''' Huh.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well right now it's midnight, what in the world do you want?
 '''Sam:''' Uh, no one called your phone.
 [''Call ends'']
 [''Redial'']
 '''Sam:''' Sam (Anses?), how may I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm 82 years old, now I live in Ruckersville, Virginia. Hehe, you come over here and I'll show you what's the matter.
 '''Sam:''' [''Unintelligible, away from the phone''] Called me twice, [''Unintelligible'']
 '''Other Guy:''' Hello!
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello, I beg your pardon?
 Bob and the Other Guy at the same time: '''Hello?'''/'''Hello?'''
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' And I live in Ruckersville, Virginia. Hehe, you come over here and I'll show you what's the matter.
 '''Other Guy:''' I'm sorry?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Other Guy:''' Who's calling your phone?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Cut it down. Can I do that? Can I explain something to you?
 '''Other Guy:''' You can do whatever you want, I don't know who the hell you are or what you're calling me for.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler. Let me explain something to you. There is on the internet, a, a bunch of trolls, that have engineered a set of software that allows them to call people on the telephone and put in any particular number they want to put in as the caller ID. Now this the telephone company knows about this and the federal government knows about this, to the point where they even-
 '''Other Guy:''' [Interrupting] Okay, and how does this relate to me? I'm at work here, can I help you with something?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Spoofing, S-P-O-O-F-I-N-G.
 [''Call end'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Cut it down.
 [''New call'']
 '''Perry:''' [''Unintelligible''] This is Perry, how may I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Perry:''' Yes.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can you speak slowly, and one syllable at a time, so I can understand you?
 '''Perry:''' This is the Fairfield Inn at West Des Moines. Can I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Okay. Can I explain something to you?
 '''Perry:''' Yeah, sure.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Perry:''' Oh man up!
 [''Call ends'']
 [''Redial'']
 '''Perry:''' [''Unintelligible''] Crystal Inn, West Des Moines, this is Perry, how may I-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen boy.
 [''Talking over each other'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'll let you talk to my wife, maybe she can talk some sense into your head.
 '''Perry:''' [''Unintelligible''] if you have a crap with me, why don't you go ahead and call the police, have them get a hold of me, otherwise you stop bugging this facility-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting, talking over'']
 '''Perry:''' I'll have the phone tapped, and we'll find your dumb, old ass, and you know you told me you were going to kill yourself once, why don't you go ahead-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting, again''] You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. Well, who do you think I am?
 [''Call end'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Bastard!
 [''Redial'']
 '''Perry:''' [''Unintelligible''] suites, West Des Moines, this is Perry, how can I help you?
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hello there! [''Talking over Perry''] Sir, or ma'am, or whatever the hell you are.
 [''Call ends'']
 [''Redial'']
 '''Perry:''' [''Unintelligible''] suites in West Des Moines, this is Perry, how can I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, I'm tryin' to be nice to you, and explain what's happening.
 '''Perry:''' Have them call me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Perry:''' [''Unintelligible''], so, this is my last warning to you, do not-
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Perry:''' -call here again.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Cool it down, I'm tryin' to be nice to you.
 '''Barbara (soundboard):''' Hang up the phone and forget the number!
 [''Call end'']
 [''Redial'']
 '''Perry:''' Good day, Fair Field Suites at West Des Moines, my name is Perry, how can I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you callin' my phone?
 '''Perry:''' Dude, you need to lay off whatever you're doing. Stop calling here, this is a business.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I explain something to you?
 '''Perry:''' What town do you live in?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Perry:''' Well then, you call the police there, you have them call me.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' [''Interrupting and talking over''] Hehe, you come here and I'll show you what's the matter.
 '''Perry:''' I'm too busy to deal with this sir, lay off the alcohol. Goodbye.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hehe, you come here and I'll show you what's the matter.
 [''Call ends'']
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Bastard!
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Frank Garrett?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Frank Garrett?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello? Can I explain something to you? Can I do that?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Frank Garrett?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You're being a victim of the internet people that persecute people.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You don't say?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Can I help explain something to you?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Frank Garrett?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You get your black ass down in the gutter and stay there. Listen you motherfucker, get in your low-life gutter and stay there.
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' You don't say?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you fuck my phone?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Frank Garrett?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you fuck my phone?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Frank Garrett?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you fuck my phone?
 '''Chris the Hacker (soundboard):''' Frank Garrett?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why you callin' my number?
 [''Video end'']

==Bob calls the US Department of Education==

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|K-yX5D9hAmk}}
</center>

====Transcript====
''[Intro music: "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" by Smashing Pumpkins]''
 '''Larry:''' This is Larry speaking. How can I help you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Larry:''' How are you doing today?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I beg your pardon?
 '''Larry:''' This is Larry speaking. How can I help you today?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Larry:''' OK. And how are you doing today, Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Good.
 '''Larry:''' OK. And you called, sir... Did you say Robert Chandler?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Larry:''' All right. Um, last four of your Social was ''[redacted]''.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Larry:''' OK. I do have to let you know this call may be monitored for quality assurance. How can I help you today, Rob? You called in here?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Who are you?
 '''Larry:''' My name is Larry Griffin, sir.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling me?
 '''Larry:''' OK, we're calling you Rob, we're calling you on behalf of the United States Department of Education, sir. I do have to let you know this call may be monitored for quality assurance. Um, we're calling about your student loans that are in default, sir.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What?
 '''Larry:''' Were you aware that complaints had been filed against you, Rob?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Larry:''' You didn't know? It's been in default since 1999.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What?
 '''Larry:''' Your student loans have been in default since 1999, Rob.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm an 82-year-old man.
 '''Larry:''' You said you're what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old. I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Larry:''' And the last four of your Social was ''[redacted]'', correct?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Larry:''' And do you have any children named Rob Chandler, as well?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Larry:''' You don't? OK. Well, the Department of Education filed a complaint against you. It's under your Social Security number, uh, in the amount of $24,461.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I- I'm a Texan, now.
 '''Larry:''' You're gonna what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I have a cousin who lives in Tulsa.
 '''Larry:''' OK, this is for the University of Missouri in St. Louis. Did you go to, did you go to college?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Larry:''' Hmm. Well, they have your Social Security number...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' ''[Interrupting]'' I beg your pardon. I can't even understand what you're saying.
 '''Larry:''' I'm calling about your student loans that are in default with the United States Department of Education, Rob. When you went to go to school, you had to fill out for some student loans. They're in default now, because you haven't paid 'em.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' ''You'' called ''me''.
 '''Larry:''' You said what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You're the one that made the call.
 '''Larry:''' Right, we're calling to see if we can help you get your student loans out of default, before they go with further collection activity against you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Will you please quit calling me and leave my phone alone?
 '''Larry:''' We're gonna call you, it's your Social Security number. You saying that's not gonna stop us from calling you. You owe a loan.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen, you motherfucker...
 '''Larry:''' You owe the government, Rob. Cussing is not getting you anywhere, Rob.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why don't you quit dialing my number...
 '''Larry:''' Cussing is not doing anything, sir. Cussing is not doing nothing.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why don't you quit...
 '''Larry:''' I mean, come on, now. You owe a loan, Rob.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why don't you...
 '''Larry:''' Cussing is not a checkboook; it's not gonna pay your loan.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why don't you quit dialing my number, and go somewhere and play a game with a gutter rat.
 '''Larry:''' ''[Talking over Bob]'' Rob, what you need to understand is that we're gonna call you because you owe the government, OK?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Cut it out.
 '''Larry:''' So we're gonna continue to call, Rob.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Cut it out.
 '''Larry:''' You owe a debt.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I didn't call you, but I'm trying to explain how these...
 '''Larry:''' ''[Interrupting]'' Right. Right, we're calling ''you'', to try to help ''you'' out, so you can get your loans out of default. You being mean and cussing is not helping nobody out.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You shouldn't be upset like that.
 '''Larry:''' Rob, I'm not upset. I'm trying to help you out. You're the one upset cussin'.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Cut it down.
 '''Larry:''' Cut it down?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Cut it out.
 '''Larry:''' Cut it out, come on, now. Rob, do you want to handle this voluntarily or not?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Larry:''' Huh? You do?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Larry:''' OK. So you're not workin' right now, Rob? You're not receiving any income?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Larry:''' OK. So who, how have you been surviving then?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Larry:''' I wanna get your loans out of default, Rob! That's why we're calling you, because you have student loans that are in default with the United States Department of Education.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Then why did my phone ring?
 '''Larry:''' Didn't you just call in?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Larry:''' Did you just call in here?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Larry:''' You didn't just call in here? I mean, I just answered the phone, Rob.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't have an issue problem with anybody, but please quit calling my number.
 '''Larry:''' Rob, we're gonna call you because you owe the Department of Education. You owe the government money, Rob, that's why we're calling you. Because if you don't wanna pay...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm just not answering my telephone.
 '''Larry:''' ...we still have to call you, OK?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I haven't called..
 '''Larry:''' Do you wanna get your student loans out of default?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I haven't called your house. I'm the one who picked up the phone and said, "Hello."
 '''Larry:''' Right, right, right, so we're trying to help you out, Rob. Do you wanna get your student loans out of default?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' No!
 '''Larry:''' You don't want... do you want them to go into garnishment against you?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't need your crap.
 '''Larry:''' My crap? I mean, Rob... What are, what are you talking about?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Get in your low-life gutter and stay there.
 '''Larry:''' Low-life gutter and stay there? Are you serious? This is...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' ''[Talking over Larry]'' Listen, boy.
 '''Larry:''' ...not how to get your loans out of default. I'm not a boy.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Listen, listen, you motherfucker!
 '''Larry:''' I'm not that, either, OK? Rob, do you want to handle this voluntarily or not? I need to know what to document your account as.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Larry:''' We're calling you for the... Rob, I'm gonna say this for the fifth time. We're calling you to let you know you have student loans that are in default with the United States Department of Education. We need to make you aware of what's going on, Rob. OK?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know who you are and who you think I am.
 '''Larry:''' Were you aware of this? I think you're Rob Chandler, last four of your Social ''[redacted]'', and that's why I did let you know this call may be monitored for quality assurance.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I'm Robert Chandler.
 '''Larry:''' Right, last four of your Social were ''[redacted]''...
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old.
 '''Larry:''' ...''[unintelligible]'' against you in the amount of $24,461.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years...
 '''Larry:''' So we're seeing if this could be handled voluntarily, before they keep the account and go forward with further collection activity against you.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yeah, I'm 82 years old, but I was born in Fort Worth.
 '''Larry:''' You're 82 years old?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Larry:''' Do you live at 1040 Clare Ridge Place?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' So I'm a neighbor.
 '''Larry:''' Huh?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I was born in Fort Worth and I live in Ruckersville, Virginia.
 '''Larry:''' OK. And the last four of your Social is ''[redacted]''. You don't live on Clare Ridge Place?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You come over here and I'll show you what's the matter.
 '''Larry:''' I'll come over there and you'll show me what?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' You come over here and I'll show you what's the matter.
 '''Larry:''' OK, OK, Rob, look. What are we gonna do here? This back and forth with you cussin' on the phone is not helpin' nobody out. It's not makin' nobody a better man.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my number?
 '''Larry:''' So what is, what is, what is the purpose of this call, Rob?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Why are you calling my phone?
 '''Larry:''' Well, actually, you called in here. I answered the call, Rob.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' Will you please quit calling me, and leave my phone alone?
 '''Larry:''' Rob! I did not call your line, I answered the line.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' OK?
 '''Larry:''' ''[They are talking over each other until the final line.]'' You know what, Rob?
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' I don't know what you are, or who you are, and I don't really care..
 '''Larry:''' All right. You know what? I'ma just mark this as a refusal to pay, Rob.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' ...but you're invading my privacy, and you're cussin' at me, and I don't...
 '''Larry:''' ''[Unintelligible]'' refusal to pay.
 '''Bob (soundboard):''' What?
 ''[Exit music]''

==Chris calls the Ku Klux Klan==

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|jqHU_mfAcHU}}
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====Transcript====
'''Receptionist:''' [cut off] -eadquarters.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening, sir, how are you?
 '''Receptionist:''' Good! What can we do for you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come- I invite you to write this down: 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Receptionist:''' And what would I be writing that down for?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' What time do you think you can be by my place?
 '''Receptionist:''' I'm not sure if I'm coming to your place! Why should I come there?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian Weston Chandler. What time do you think you can be by my place?
 '''Receptionist:''' I think in about 30 seconds I'm gonna hang up if you don't explain to me what this is about.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic. I am internet-famous for being the original creator of Sonichu and Rosechu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. What can I do to make up for that?
 '''Receptionist:''' Umm... you know, that and two cents will get you probably anywhere you want to go I guess, umm... I don't know why I should come to you. Uh, people come here. We have a national headquarters, we have a business here. And, uh, that's the way to go.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Oh, come on!
 '''Receptionist:''' Uh-huh. That's what I thought. Goodbye now!

==Chris calls PETA==

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|nwGhjfCYuq0}}
</center>

====Transcript====
'''Receptionist:''' Thank you for calling PETA.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening, sir, how are you?
 '''Receptionist:''' I'm a lady, but I'm good, how are you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm doin' good. Oh, things have been great for me, you know, I just finished the dating episode, it is fantastic!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Hello?
 '''Receptionist:''' Wha- you did what?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm good!
 '''Receptionist:''' Uh- I'm sorry, I really don't know what you're talking about, you're not making any sense.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' My name is Christian.
 '''Receptionist:''' Alright, that's cool. How can I help you?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I invite you to come- I invite you to write this down:
 '''Receptionist:''' You what-?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' 14 Branchland Court. Ruckersville.
 '''Receptionist:''' ...What?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' You can find me right now, I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Receptionist:''' You need to turn your radio down or whatever you're screaming into, it's not working very well. I don't under- is there something I can help you with?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. What is it, let me try to help you.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm 27. I'm currently living with my mother and my father. I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Receptionist:''' That's alright. I'm 28. I live on my own. I'm not autistic. But that's okay too, I mean do you have questions about animals?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes.
 '''Receptionist:''' Alright, what are they?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I've got a lot more experience than you could imagine.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. Experience for what?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' So, uh, did you get the comic pages I sent you?
 '''Receptionist:''' I don't know, um, we might've. We're a really- we're kind of a big organization and I don't really work in that department. Um...
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uh, who is this?
 '''Receptionist:''' Do what?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Uh, who is this?
 '''Receptionist:''' This is a- this is the front desk.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.
 '''Receptionist:''' So I would see, uh, I wouldn't see anything that you sent.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I am full of surprises!
 '''Receptionist:''' You- I know, you sound like it! That's exciting. I love surprises.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Yep. Um, well, do you have any questions about anything or is there someone I can direct you to? Um...
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' [''giggles''] Okay, um, well, what are they?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm high-functionally autistic.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay! Um... that's- that's cool. Um... that's alright. Um, do you have any questions about what's going on with animals or, I mean, you're calling PETA so I'm trying to get you through to the right person. I have a question.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I'm happy to oblige with an ans- with an honest answer.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay. Why are you calling from a number that I get a lot of prank calls from?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' No.
 '''Receptionist:''' [''giggles'']
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I don't know!
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay, well, um, I am trying to help you out with answering some questions and if you don't have any I'm going to let you go, but when you do have some questions you could always call us back but we close, um, at, we close in about eight minutes.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' I did not mean to give off the impression of being crazy.
 '''Receptionist:''' No, I don't feel like you're crazy, I feel like maybe you just don't have, um, your questions together yet, so if you want to, you can put them together and then give us a call back!
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yes, I agree with you, this is frustrating.
 '''Receptionist:''' It would be less frustrating for you. I can do this all day.
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Yeah. Okay, um, well, I'm gonna let you go, but have a lovely evening and, um, if you have any questions just feel free to give us a call back tomorrow and maybe at a better time, okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Yeah.
 '''Receptionist:''' Okay, well you have a really good night, and, um, hopefully we'll be able to answer some questions soon, okay?
 '''Chris (soundboard):''' Good evening.
 '''Receptionist:''' Alright, bye-bye.

==Chris Chan hates Frank Garrett==
A Troll using various prank victim soundboards calls Chris. Chris once again proves his low intelligence by [[fail|pretending to be his voicemail]].

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|oP9GFAU0nd4}}
</center>

====Transcript====
'''Chris:''' Hello I am un-un... I am unavailable to take your call right--
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Hello you Stupid Mother Fucker You! [--talking over Chris]
 '''Chris:''' Please call back later, goodbye.
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Well I don't give a shit!
 '''Jackass Plumber (soundboard):''' You sick bitch!
 [''redialed'']
 '''Chris:''' Didn't ya hear me? I said quit calling and call back another time!
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Who gives a shit?
 [''redialed'']
 '''Chris [Answering Machine]:''' Hello you have reached the cellphone of Christian Weston Chandler--
 '''Frank Garrett (soundboard):''' Oh Fugg Kyew Fat Boy! [--talking over Chris]
 '''Chris [Answering Machine]:''' I'm sorry I can't answer right now but please-- (stops abruptly)
 '''Officer Martin (soundboard):''' Nobody's calling your number.
 [''Video end'']

==ThePCassassins - Call Bobby Chandler==
The PCassassins uploaded a video on September 21st 2010. The two individuals call up Bob and ask him only two questions before the conversation takes a turn for the worse. In the nine minutes that followed, we learned that Bob graduated from Auburn University, was an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster for 20 years in the Boy Scouts, and that he is in fact a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

<center>
{{#ev:youtube|dqguWuNuMi0}}
</center>

====Transcript====
''(trolls giggling; phone rings three times)''
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Troll 1:''' Hello.
 '''Bob:''' Hello!
 '''Troll 1:''' Mr. Chandler?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Troll 1:''' This is Answer Me Sanchez.
 '''Bob:''' Who is Anthony Sanchez?
 '''Troll 1:''' No, ''Answer Me'' Sanchez! I’d like to, ah, ask you a few questions, if, ah, um, you wouldn’t mind.
 '''Bob:''' Well, I don’t know if I’ll give you any answers.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, do the best you can, I guess. Number 1, um, have you ever heard of a website called bangbust.com?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m not on the internet.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, um, 2: What scares you more, a [[Niggos|black man]] living in your neighborhood, or a [[Homos|gay man]] living in your neighborhood?
 '''Bob:''' I don’t think that’s any of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, I um, am doing this for…research and statistics. And I, um…
 '''Bob:''' (interrupts) It’s still none of your business.
 '''Troll 1:''' What if, what if I had, uh, a hooker give you a blowjob?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. (pause) Just, just quit bothering my telephone and get the hell…
 '''Troll 2:''' (interrupts) Tell your son to stop drinking his semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' Wait, wait, Bob, okay, I’ll skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' You're, you’re just being an asshole, is what you're doing.
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son's an asshole!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, um, um, relax! All right, all right, that was an insensitive question. You’re right; let’s skip that.
 '''Bob:''' You got no reason to know that kind of stuff.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, relax, relax; take your medicine. And relax.
 '''Bob:''' I am relaxed, fella.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, um, good, um.
 '''Bob:''' I’m sick and tired of you calling up on my telephone.
 '''Troll 1:''' I have no idea what you’re talking about. Bob, are you going senile?
 '''Barbara:''' ''(inaudible)''
 '''Troll 1:''' Nah, don't listen to [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]]! You - ugh, she has you pussy-whipped. Stop listenin' to her.
 '''Troll 2:''' Bob, man, you fought in Korea, man. Just listen to what my friend has to say and tell your wife to shut up.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, I mean, come on…
 '''Bob:''' If you guys would just go to college and…
 '''Troll 1:''' I am in college!
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m in college, too, and I’m actually doing something with my degree, unlike Chris!
 '''Bob:''' Try doing something constructive with your life.
 '''Troll 2:''' I am, unlike your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' That’s kind of ironic, given your son doesn’t do jack shit with his degree.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah! [[Honor roll|Honor rolls, my ass!]]
 '''Bob:''' I have my degree, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' No, your son! Your retarded son who drinks semen!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not talkin' about you, I'm talkin' about your son. The one that drinks his own sperm?
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, eats McDonald's?
 '''Bob:''' He has his degree also.
 '''Troll 2:''' He doesn’t do nothin' with it, though.
 '''Troll 1:''' What’s he got with it? What’s he done with it?
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter what he’s done with it, it's none of your fucking business.
 '''Troll 1:''' It does, 'cause you're telling us - 'cause you're telling us to go to college.
 '''Troll 2:''' Yeah, you're telling us to go to college, w - I wanna know what your son's done. What's he done?
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business.
 '''Troll 2:''' It is, 'cause he tells us on the internet. It’s everybody’s business now.
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah!
 '''Bob:''' It’s none of your business. Why don’t you (inaudible, interruptions) quit bothering us, or I won’t answer your phone at all!
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(indistinct)'' Jesus, man.
 '''Troll 1:''' Okay, all right, you know what, let's skip that question since it's obvamously - um, it might make him [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit his pants]] and get - ''(stammers)'' Let's skip that question.
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella -
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob…
 '''Bob:''' Hey.
 ''(repeat ad nauseam for several seconds as Bob and Troll 1 try to speak over each other)''
 '''Bob:''' I'm talkin'...I’m talkin' to you, listen, I’m talkin' to you…
 '''Troll 1:''' I'll get the stick!
 '''Bob:''' ''(amid interruptions from trolls)'' Listen to me, you, I'm talkin' to you! I’ll tell you what I want you to know, okay? First, I am a graduate engineer. Okay?
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(muttering)'' Oh my god.
 '''Bob:''' Second, I worked forty years for G.E., and I retired from G.E. Third, I served this country and this world by creating at least ten patents and automating a whole lot of industry with a whole lot of stuff that you couldn’t live without. I’ve done my service to man kind.
 '''Troll 2:''' What about your son?
 '''Bob:''' I’m an old man now and I want to be left in peace by you fuckers out there.
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuck you, you klansman!
 '''Troll 1:''' I’ve listened to what you had to say and I…
 '''Troll 2:''' Fuckin' klansman.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(garbled, inaudible babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' Well, I’m telling you this, I also spent my time as a scoutmaster. Okay, I was an Eagle Scout. I spent my time for twenty years…
 '''Troll 2:''' Your son drinks his own semen, wears his mom’s underwear. He eats McDonald’s, he whacks off.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you telling me you’re a damn… Bob?
 ''(more babbling)''
 '''Bob:''' When you get somethin' that you can tell me like that, then you call me back and tell me. Now you get your own life and stop botherin' mine. I can out-talk you any day of the week.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(talking over Bob)'' My son will never drink his own semen. My son will never wear his mom’s underwear. My son will never live in my house when he’s 28 years old. My son does not have the Snorlax for a mother.
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, wait, hold on a second, relax. Everyone just relax. Bob, are you - you’re saying you’re a scout manager for [[Pedofork|NAMBLA]]?
 '''Bob:''' No, I’m saying I was a scout master.
 '''Troll 1:''' For NAMBLA, I got it…
 '''Bob:''' For a scout troop. A scout troop! You know!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, yeah, for NAMBLA, I got you.
 '''Bob:''' Boy Scouts!
 '''Troll 2:''' Auhh, totally NAMBLA!
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah, NAMBLA. ''(lots of stammering)'' Um, okay, I mean, like, how many years did you do that for, for NAMBLA?
 '''Bob:''' I was a scout master for almost 20 years.
 '''Troll 1:''' Twenty years in NAM - that’s real impressive, I’m really impressed.
 '''Bob:''' I have my Eagle Scout badge, which very few of you people out there have. Why don't you go get a life and get out there and do that kinda stuff too?
 '''Troll 2:''' The Scouts are gay. They’re as gay as your son.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(nonsensical rambling)'' I think, you know, if I learn first-hand from someone that's experienced it, it might help me moreso in the real world, I mean, like, such as yourself. I mean, like, 20 years in NAMBLA -
 '''Bob:''' I'm pretty, I'm - y'know, I would be embarrassed, if I were you -
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(interrupting)'' I would be embarrassed to drink my own semen.
 '''Bob:''' - y'gotta call up people and say "Look," y'know, "I’ve done so-and-so," when you haven’t done crap. Now you can't tell me any one thing you've done.
 '''Troll 1:''' Like your son, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' Well, your son drinks his own cum and wears his mom’s underwear.
 '''Bob:''' I don’t care, we’re talking about me and we’re talking about my phone.
 '''Troll 1:''' What about your phone? I…
 '''Bob:''' This is my phone number, this is my phone that you’re bothering, and I'm sick and tired of it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Chris gave us your number.
 '''Troll 1:''' I-I just said that - I was just askin' you 'bout, what - your 20 years in NAMBLA, and you were talk - talkin' to me 'bout that, I was just sayin' like - uh, so what'd you do after?
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you get something that you can brag about rather than tryin' to harass people all the time?
 '''Troll 1:''' 'Cause I don’t brag, that's, that’s not my nature.
 '''Bob:''' Well, that's fine. So all you can do is harass and bully, right?
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(randomly interjects)'' Stop living in a house full of clutter!
 '''Troll 1:''' I'm not ''harassing and bullying''. I'm just asking you a question. You're just getting mad and, y'know -
 '''Bob:''' Y'know I have friends in the Klu Klux Klan.
 '''Troll 2:''' Oh my god, you're a fuckin' Na - oh ho ho! Holy shit!
 '''Bob:''' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
 '''Troll 2:''' I’m so glad we’re recording this.
 '''Troll 1:''' Are you part of the KKK yourself?
 '''Bob:''' I was born and ra - I was raised in Alabama, so take your own judgment from that, fella.
 '''Troll 2:''' Holy ''shit!''
 '''Bob:''' I went to school at Auburn's. It's in the heart of the deep south, so you can take your, you can take your whatevers from that.
 ''(excited gibbering from trolls)''
 '''Troll 1:''' So, from my understanding, you said you went to Auburn, right?
 '''Bob:''' That’s right, I graduated there.
 '''Troll 1:''' All right. So you’re telling me that most people who graduated from Auburn are in the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' No, but I’m saying that a lot of them are. It’s in the heart of the deep south.
 '''Troll 1:''' Well, I just said "most people," but okay, yeah... So, I mean, what -
 '''Bob:''' I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it.
 '''Troll 1:''' Is Chris part of the KKK?
 '''Bob:''' You don't wanna see it.
 '''Troll 2:''' Wait, wait, wait - are ''you'' a member of the KKK, though, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Yeah. Yeah. All right.
 '''Bob:''' I won’t say whether I am or not. If I had, I’d come up and see if I've got a white, uh, hood to put on.
 '''Troll 2:''' Okay, Bob, all right, we’re just asking you a simple question.
 '''Bob:''' Okay? Okay? Now get off my damn case and get a life for yourself.
 '''Troll 2:''' My black girlfriend's gonna hate me for that.
 '''Bob:''' Stop bein' a sad, pathetic individual.
 '''Troll 2:''' Like your son, Bob?
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob -
 '''Bob:''' It doesn’t matter, we’re not talking about my son.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''I’m'' talking about your son.
 '''Bob:''' We’re talking about me, and we’re talking about you.
 '''Troll 1:''' This is a big confrontation. (???) So when you tell us to get a life, why don’t you take those words and tell that to your son, instead of other people, when we’re just trying to ask you questions and learn about life ourselves?
 '''Troll 2:''' Why you gotta get so hostile?
 '''Bob:''' My son has a life.
 '''Troll 2:''' Whatever happened to Megan?
 '''Troll 1:''' Sonichu’s not a life, man!
 '''Bob:''' My son’s a hell of a lot more creative than you are.
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s why we’re talking to you and he doesn’t talk to you. Get it?
 '''Troll 1:''' He says he doesn’t get along with you that well, so…
 '''Troll 2:''' That’s what he puts on his website.
 '''Bob:''' He gets along with me fine.
 '''Troll 2:''' Not on his [[YouTube]] page.
 '''Bob:''' Why don’t you get a life so you can come back and prove me that you’re capable and good enough to talk to me? I have helped my fellow man, and I have helped 'em for forty or fifty years.
 '''Troll 2:''' You kinda failed at that.
 '''Bob:''' ''(apparently misunderstanding)'' To hell with that? Yeah, to hell with that.
 '''Troll 2:''' You've failed.
 '''Bob:''' Why don't you go out and get a life and leave me in peace?
 '''Troll 2:''' I have one, I’m fucking my black girlfriend every night. I have a black girlfriend! I'm happy!
 '''Troll 1:''' Bob, tell me something. Do you know what the Pythagorean Theorem is?
 '''Bob:''' I sure do.
 '''Troll 1:''' What is it?
 '''Bob:''' It’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.
 '''Troll 2:''' ''(inaudible)'' - bachelor's degree.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(sudden rage)'' You dumbass! What is it? It’s A squared plus B squared equals C squared!
 '''Troll 2:''' HA! Check and mate.
 '''Troll 1:''' ''Gosh'', Bob! Failed, right there. ''(stammering)'' Do you know anything about the Golden Ratio?
 '''Bob:''' Listen, fella, I have ten patents. In the realms of industrial automation.
 '''Troll 1:''' I don't care about your rim jobs in the freaking -
 '''Bob:''' I helped, I helped to design and, and, and create the computer.
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Bob:''' I helped design and create and put the [[Wikipedia:International Space Station|intercontinental mission in space]].
 '''Troll 2:''' No you didn’t!
 '''Troll 1:''' ''(indistinct)'' - NAMBLA stickers on your computer?
 '''Bob:''' Now when you can say something like that, you can call me back. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and get off my phone.
 '''Troll 2:''' Epic fuckin' failure.
 '''Troll 1:''' Hey Bob. Hey Bob. What would you say that ''(indistinct)'' I'm a multi-millionaire?
 ''(Bob hangs up.)''
 '''Troll 2:''' [[Slow-in-the-minds|He hung up, man.]] Oh my god!
 '''Troll 1:''' That was fucking awesome.
 '''Troll 2:''' Dude, man, we got him fucking admitting he’s a part of the KKK!
 '''Troll 1:''' Dude, upload that shit ''now''!
 '''Troll 2:''' Got it! [[Speech impediment|I'm a - I'm got - got - m'kay]] - got it. Got it.

[[Category:Phone calls]]

Talk:CWCville

2010-04-11T00:18:07Z

Heinkel: /* Oceania? */

==To do==
*images of CWCville from comic
*Chris's description of CWCville with "an average amount of cool places to hang out at."
*BlueSpike, fuckups aside, you got him to say my cousin BILLY is mayor of CWCville. Objections to the rest aside, that's fucking hilarious. [[User:William Maize|William Maize]] 07:29, 4 March 2009 (CET)

== Who will lead? ==

Since Liquid Chris was kipnapped by Solid, I was wondering who will be the next TRUE and HONEST mayor of CWCville? Are we just going to let that manchild back in office after how he disposed of BILLY MAYS and his own counterpart? --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]]

LEX LUTHOR FOR MAYOR OF CWCVILLE! He was the president of the US at one time (See ''Superman/Batman: Public Enemies]]'' ), maybe he can use Metahumans to wipe out all Sonichus and Rosechus! --[[User:UJ1985|UJ1985]]
*Liquid's back, so nevermind. Still, who'd be a good canidate if he were to resign his postition? --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]]

== Nazi Germany's anti-tobacco movement ==

I think it would be nice to compare Chris to Hitler in his anti-tobacco policies.
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-tobacco_movement_in_Nazi_Germany]
--[[User:CrassCrab|The Great Wizard CrassCrab, Lord of the Seven Realm and Master of the Archane Black Arts of the Eleventh Trans-Dimensional Vortex]] 17:12, 18 November 2009 (CET)
*Agreed. But I believe Chris' other similarities to Hitler should also be noted (e.i. the outlawing of homosexuality, Chris' iron-fisted rule over CWCville, Etc.) --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]] 1:03, 19 November 2009 (CEST)
:* Didn't they both rage when their art wasn't given the recognition they thought it deserved? And Hitler did Disney fanart (thx /cwc/ omg lol! =^_^=). Except Hitler was actually good at doing landscapes IIRC. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 07:51, 19 November 2009 (CET)
::*"After dropping out of high school in 1905 at age sixteen, Adolf Hitler spent the next few years in brooding idleness. His indulgent mother patiently urged him to learn a trade or get a job. But to young Hitler, the idea of daily work with its necessary submission to authority was revolting.

With his father now dead, there was no one who could tell young Hitler what to do, so he did exactly as he pleased. He spent his time wandering around the city of Linz, Austria, visiting museums, attending the opera, and sitting by the Danube River dreaming of becoming a great artist.

Hitler liked to sleep late then go out in the afternoon, often dressed like a young gentleman of leisure and even carried a fancy little ivory cane. When he returned home, he would stay up well past midnight reading and drawing.

He would later describe these teenage years free from responsibility as the happiest time of his life.

His only friend was with another young dreamer named August Kubizek, who wanted to be a great musician. They met at the opera in Linz. Kubizek found Hitler fascinating and a friendship quickly developed. Kubizek turned out to be a patient listener. He was a good audience for Hitler, who often rambled for hours about his hopes and dreams. Sometimes Hitler even gave speeches complete with wild hand gestures to his audience of one.

Kubizek later described Hitler's personality as "violent and high strung." Hitler would only tolerate approval from his friend and could not stand to be corrected, a personality trait he had shown in high school and as a younger boy as well.

Young Hitler did not have a girlfriend. But he did have an obsessive interest in a young blond named Stephanie. He would stare at her as she walked by and sometimes followed her. He wrote her many love poems. But he never delivered the poems or worked up the nerve to introduce himself, preferring to keep her in his fantasies. He told his friend Kubizek he was able to communicate with her by intuition and that she was even aware of his thoughts and had great admiration for him. He was also deeply jealous of any attention she showed to other young men.

In reality, she had no idea Hitler had any interest in her. Years later, when told of the interest of her now-famous secret admirer, she expressed complete surprise, although she remembered getting one weird unsigned letter.

http://www.historyplace.com/worldwar2/riseofhitler/art.htm

o_o --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 08:02, 19 November 2009 (CET)

:Holy fucking shit. Well, hopefully Chris will forever remain the apathetic slug that he is and never venture into politics. [[User:Glorious Tentacularity|Glorious Tentacularity]] 08:07, 19 November 2009 (CET)
:: Maybe a rejection letter from [[Wikipedia:Art_Instruction_Schools|Art Instruction Schools]] would inspire him. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 08:16, 19 November 2009 (CET)
::*Funny you mention that, I've been wanting to see Chris draw Tippy the Turtle and Pete the Pirate for that place, and see if he'd still get in. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:04, 8 December 2009 (CET)
== Official website ==

http://www.onetruecwcville.net/index.php --[[User:Sonijew|Sonijew]] 00:04, 21 November 2009 (CET)

==Wes Iseli==
There's a comment about how the police do nothing since Wes Iseli is able to ruin weddings. Yet didn't that wedding take place in "our" world since Sarah was there? I realize this is hard to argue given that "consistency" is a foreign concept to Chris but I'm guessing that the wedding takes place in our world and it just so happens that Sonichus and that Chris, Sarah, and Wes can turn into Sonichus and shit because they have those medallions and whatnot. Thoughts? If it's the case that it's taking place in our world, then we need to revise that sentence. Perhaps about how Mary Lee Walsh is able to do shit?--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:04, 8 December 2009 (CET)

==climate==
Considering that it has jungles, volcanoes, temperate forests, the temperature differences of the Appalachian foothills between seasons, and is situated right next to the ocean, the bizarre, hellish climate of CWCville needs mentioned, I think.
*Agreed. --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]]
** I made the Zapbud's description seem more like a invasive weed, could someone make a better pic of what a Zapbud might look like IRL? I'm sorry but as a plant lover I can't believe Chrissy has managed to fuck up plants.[[User:Pikimon|Pikimon]] 18:48, 24 December 2009 (CET)
*** [[Sonichu Remake]] has a re-imagining of zapbuds. Would cropping the corner of [[Media:SCRM -0-06.jpg|this image]] work? I might add it myself later, if I can figure out how to without destroying the rest of the article. --[[User:Fenny|Fenny]], who sucks at wiki.
**** Awesome!--[[User:Pikimon|0_o wat o_0]] 02:47, 16 January 2010 (UTC)

==CWCville Law==

Do we know enough to create a new section on CWCville's legal system/legislation? I'll probably be looking into that soon. - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 21:50, 26 February 2010 (UTC)

== Oceania? ==

Ok, I'm in the process of reading the book and I gotta say that CWCville is disturbingly similar to Air Strip One (London) from George Orwell's ''1984'', even though it's obvious someone along the lines of Chris would have probably never even heard of the book. However, here's a few notable similarities:

*All records and marks of past ruler are not only undone but actively denied, such as MAYS' reign or whatever happened in RFCville.
*Purposefully contradictory statements are issued by the central authority.
*Ludicrously high military presence.
*Oppressive police state where inane things like tobacco or alcohol are regarded as capital crimes, whereas soliciting sex is mostly ignored.
*Demonization of a single person other than a whole set of ideals, and the worshipping of the leader.
*CWCville looks like shit.
*Individual favored citizens shown as a role model.
*Almost no contact with the outside world even within its own country.
*No industrialization, nor a wish for industrialization, unlike other totalitarisms like NK or the USSR.
*''And'' everybody thinks the town is allright. Everyone is presumably too stupid to question their situation.

As an additional bit, Airstrip One is geographically in the same supernation as CWCville, that also happens to span over the United States. It was founded in 1982, which is only 2 years off the mark. [[User:Heinkel|Heinkel]] 00:18, 11 April 2010 (UTC)

Talk:CWCville

2010-04-11T00:17:50Z

Heinkel: /* Oceania? */ new section

CWCville

2010-04-11T00:02:11Z

Heinkel: /* BILLY MAYS coup */

{{quote|I'm still the mayor of CWCville. [[Wikipedia:North Korea|There is no elections]].|[[Chris-chan Discusses...]]}}

'''CWCville''' (pronounced: Quick-ville, IPA: [kwɪk vɪɫ]) is [[Chris]]'s imaginary world, created from a combination of his twisted views on the world and pop-culture to work as a place where all his wishes, ideas and deranged fantasies becomes true.

{| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" align="right" border="1"
! CWC ON LOCATION
|-
| Photo:
| [[Image:CWCville.jpg|thumb]]
|-
| Location:
| CWCville, Virginia
|-
| Coordinates:
| Unknown, possibly the same as [[Charlottesville]] in a parallel universe
|-
| Classification:
| Delusional, autonomous, totalitarian city-state
|-
| Date established:
| 2000, maybe earlier. 1982 fictionwise
|-
| Population:
| Large. Mixed population of humans, Pokemon, and ripoffs
|-
| Zip/post code:
| Unknown.
|-
| Area code:
| N/A, communication system relies on classified Nintendo DS link
|-
| Website:
| Defunct
|-
| Also known as:
| Chris's mind
|-
| Produces:
| Excessive undeveloped characters, blatant ripoffs, autistic manchildren, semen
|-
| Current relevance:
| Main location of events in the [[Sonichu]] universe
|}

==CWCville, USA==

Considering how it's portrayed, its full name could be the ''Our Glorious Leader's True and Honest Lovers' City of CWCville'', in a manner similar to the [http://www.korea-dpr.com/ Democratic People's Republic of Korea].

CWCville is actually two things: a fictional setting for the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]], and Chris's long-ongoing pet project. Many might call it a "happy place," an imaginary refuge from the harshness of reality. It's sort of like his own personal Silent Hill - except that instead of being a twisted Hell full of violent rage and nightmare beasts, it's a disturbingly cheerful place where Chris's bouncy creations laugh, frolic, and [[sex|fuck]] for his amusement. Characters are introduced without warning and fall by the wayside just as quickly. Nobody's quite sure what becomes of them, but knowing Chris it probably involves anguished shrieks emanating from a love dungeon below the Mayor's house. Many are sent to the [[Moon]].

In the ''Sonichu'' comic book world, the town is allegedly located in the state of [[Virginia]], but being a figment of Chris's imagination, it will never be found on an actual map. Practically speaking, the city is legislatively and economically cut off from the rest of Virginia and the United States. In this city, Chris is a despotic ruler. His will controls everything and he dictates new laws at whim, granting himself an outlet for his megalomaniac tendencies.

Inside the comic, CWCville is involved in a fierce rivalry with the neighboring [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]]. It is under constant attack from the forces of [[Mary Lee Walsh|Dean Mary Lee "Slaweel Ryam" Walsh]] and her army of [[Jerkops]].

It also seems that CWCville also exists either in some sort of time void, or an alternate universe where time moves differently. In [[Sonichu 10]], it's mentioned that everyone was going to talk to President [[Barack Obama]] over the [[Asperpedia]]. However, the story takes place in or around September 2008. Obama wouldn't even be elected for another two months and wouldn't take office until two months later. Aside from that, the Asperpedia itself wouldn't be put up for another ''year''.

==CWCville history==
According to [[Sonichu 8]], CWCville was founded in [[1982]] by Chris's father, [[Bob Chandler]]. Why he would name a city after his deadshit son is unknown. And only [[GodJesus]] knows why it wasn't called RFCville.

===BILLY MAYS coup===

On 3 [[March 2009]], Chris announced that [[BILLY MAYS]] is the new mayor of CWCville and that he was going to CWCville Jail to get raped by [[niggos]]. The next day, 4 March 2009, Chris revoked his statement that made MAYS the new mayor, establishing a government-in-exile in his bedroom. Most legal scholars, however, argue that since Chris was not wearing the [[Medallion of Fail]], which Chris has indicated is necessary for a video to be TRUE and HONEST (and any retraction otherwise would involve him wearing the medallion to make his retraction legally binding), his statements to the contrary are false and therefore not legally binding, meaning BILLY MAYS is still the mayor of CWCville.

On 28 [[June 2009]], BILLY MAYS snorted too much cocaine and died in his mayoral mansion, plunging the entire town into mourning. Chris wasted no time in seizing control of CWCville, and quickly undid all of MAYS' initiatives, before announcing during a [[Chris_chan_Discusses|post-coup interview]] that [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doublethink he was always the ruler], and that there would be no further elections.

==CWCville IRL==
[[Image:CWCvilleMapProper.jpg|thumb|300px|Sonichu and Rosechu's welfare housing in relation to the rest of CWCville. Note that CWCville's postal code is the same as Chris's birthday, and that the address is nearly identical to his real address.]]

The IRL timeline concerning the creation of CWCville is uncertain, however we do know that it has existed since Chris's high school years, before [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] was originally thought of in March of [[2000]]. Evidence photography of CWCville being replicated from Chris's mind to reality with [[Lego]] blocks have proven that CWCville was in fact one of his first creations, even disputing in antiquity with the creation of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]], Christian's first Sonic recolor.

It has been argued that Chris's power stems from the fact that he can retreat to his own CWCville world, where he can right all wrongs done to him. In his comics, we see him defeating Mary Lee Walsh, with whom he holds an IRL grudge, beating around the jerkops, and bringing his dead dog, [[Patti Chandler]], back to life in the form of another inhabitant. The main reason Chris can do such superhuman acts as defeating a whole army of huge [[Jerkops]] and resurrecting his dead dog is that in CWCville his will reigns supreme. This serves as a blanket that protects his physically and mentally weak self from the outside world in which he holds no such power.

==Spelling==

One of Chris's [[The Wall of Originals|homemade Pokémon cards]] featured a "Cwick City Gym," while [[City of Cwicville Tour!|an unfinished Game Boy Camera project]] dating from [[2001]] used the spellings "Cwicville" and "Cwickville". It is unknown why he changed the spelling. Likely the alternate spelling just didn't stimulate his [[Chris and his ego|his massive ego]] as much as his unaltered initials, even if it makes a lot less sense.

Without knowing the "correct" pronunciation of the name, the fact remains that "CWCville" has three consonants in row in the business end of the name. Using conventional phonology, the name is pretty difficult to utter, unless you're in Eastern Europe or perhaps Wales. In [[Mailbag 43#...well, this is disturbing!|Mailbag 43]], Chris slams [[Evan]] and fails once again, spectacularly, to realize the seeds of truth buried in parodies: ''"She is Very Happy in Cwcville, VA, rather than the c***-shack known as 'Ecgville'. (HOW IS THAT SO-CALLED CITY PRONOUNCED ANYWAY? It sounds like a very "Eckie" Ailment, possibly Cold-Like.)"''

==Government==
{{Quote|And for your information, my City's politics are of a King/Queen thing; NO VOTING|Chris, explaining the totalitarian state to [[Samantha Thaddeus E-mails|Samantha Thaddeus]].}}
[[Image:CWCvilleArea.jpg|thumb|300px|Map of CWCville area. Notice how [[Sonic]]'s house is bigger than the entirety of Pallet Town. Also, if you look at Station Square, you'll notice Chris's obsession with the [[Twin Falling Towers|World Trade Center]].]]

CWCville is like many contemporary third world countries. Its government, likely unbeknownst to Chris, eerily parallels [[Wikipedia:Turkmenistan|Turkmenistan]] under [[Wikipedia:Saparmurat Niyazov|Saparmurat Niyazov]], who was also known for governing with an iron fist, enacting ridiculous bans and possessing a titanic ego. Nonetheless, Niyazov was a much better leader and much smarter person than Chris.

There's a non-elected leader who does what he pleases, "advised" by an elected Town Council. Exactly how CWCville's government operates is quite nebulous and mystified. Chandler is mayor-for-life with supreme power, and has insisted that there are no elections, but he has also insisted that the vote has "even" been extended to [[Niggos|those of African descent]]. Voting is strictly for the Town Council, which holds no authority, existing as a purely advisory committee which the mayor is not obligated to listen to. The mayor attempts to dissuade accusations of dictatorship, citing that dictatorships are never hereditary, whereas he [[Mailbag 34#The government totally sucks|inherited the town from his father]]. However, he refuses to acknowledge that this obviously makes his town a ''monarchy'', by explaining that all other government positions are voted on (even though such a practice is common in many modern monarchies). It's also revealed that the name of the town was changed when it was passed from father to son, though whether or not the town was originally known as "RFCville", or something marginally less retarded is unknown, as all records of Mayor Bob's mayorship — in fact, all symbols of the old regime — have been erased. It is theorized that one day Christian will hand over the reins of governance to his daughter, [[Crystal]] Weston Chandler, in which case the town's name will not go through another change.

[[Wikipedia:Communism|Business owners and managers who try to stand up for themselves are ruthlessly crushed]]. The police don't take orders from the civil authorities and lock people up at random, [[Mary Lee Walsh|the dean]] of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|the only college]] is leading a hopeless resistance and is vilified in the [[Comic|mayoral-controlled press]]. [[Attraction Sign|Soliciting sex]] is legal in CWCville, whereas possessing [[tobacky]] is a very serious offense. [[Alcohol]] was illegal until 2009, when the ban was rescinded. The [[KCWC|radio station]] and [[CWC Cola|soft drink company]] are also named after the mayor, which indicates either nationalization of normally private businesses or rampant cronyism. CWCville mints its own money, which comes in confusing denominations—for instance, there are two kinds of quarter, the C and W, which are mutually exclusive to the point where vending machines will take only one or the other, and the exchange rate between the two is inexact.

Laws have been enacted to persecute homosexuals, and [[Mailbag 31|psychic surveillance is used to monitor sexual purity]]; in a predictable display of bureaucratic cluelessness, this important task has been somehow handed to [[Magi-Chan|an obvious closet case]]. This constant Orwellian surveillance, which is obviously done under the guise of "protecting" the citizens, flies completely against the basic human right to privacy. Since there is no plausible way to have any oversight over a super-powered official or question or contest his findings (and [[Mailbag|disputing the authority has been futile in general]]), it also effectively elevates the official above law. The Mayor has also hinted — though sensibly, he has not written it into actual ''law'', otherwise all international observers would condemn his actions at once — that the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, a group of civilian defense contractors, have [[Chris and the Law#In the Comics|immunity from prosecution]]. This goes against the concept of supremacy of law that is the very foundation of modern societies; some sociologists have pointed out that this is in fact the hallmark of all police states.

[[Image:Chris Jong-Il.jpg|thumb|250px|Artist's depiction of CWCville's beloved [[Chris|Mayor.]]]]

CWCville has a [[Jack thaddeus phone call 3|large police force equipped with weapons and TANKS, and even an entire division of the United States Army]]; all these units, as said before, are above law. These groups appear frequently all around the city enforcing the laws, giving grim reminders of their existence to the common public every day, dragging the morale down. For a normal townsperson, hardly a day passes without a tank rolling past their home, military helicopters buzzing over the shopping centers, or seeing a group of heavily armed mercenaries bullying a hapless youngster on the other side of the street for simply ''looking'' a little bit "trollish", whatever that means. Any attempts at humor are prosecuted swiftly and severely under the draconian laws that are based on [[Chris and copyright|curious misinterpretations]] of international copyright laws. Dissident comedians who flee the city are hunted down and gruesomely executed (with the emphasis on "cute") by [[Sandy Rosechu|underage assassins]]. Despite all this perceived military and law enforcement might, the police and mercenaries demonstrably offer little real protection or competence: troublemakers like [[Wes Iseli]] ruin weddings with near impunity, and the [[Mary Lee Walsh|dissident leaders]] remain at large [[Sonichu 10|until recently]].

The court system is a joke. Walsh was captured, depowered and sent to a maximum security prison without a trial. The [[jerkops]] and [[manajerks]] are depowered, yet are allowed to go scot-free. However, when [[Simonla Rosechu]] is murdered by a Voltorb, four people - [[Evan]], [[Alec Benson Leary]], [[Fan:Moon-Pals|Sean]] and Mao are arrested and put on trial not even a week after. The judge is biased in Chris's favor, when all judges must be impartial. Sean is permitted to defend himself and his fellow co-defendants, despite being clearly under the influence of drugs. Nobody suggests appointing a public defender for the four. The prosecutor adds on to the charges, considering slander via the Asperpedia (which was destroyed by Chris), a mild offense, punishable by death. Evidence gathered using Magi-Chan's psychic powers is considered admissible in court. When the four are found guilty by a clearly biased jury, they are immediately executed in ''cruel and inhumane ways''.

The basic services are lacking: [[Blake]] wasn't sent to a hospital ER after being attacked by [[Silvana]], but was sent to a wholly inadequate [[Pokémon]] Center instead. Packs of wild Pokémon roam the streets, uncontrolled. The [[CWCville Shopping Center|rare buildings of CWCville]] are sad, lopsided affairs, betraying [[CADD|a lack of architectural and engineering skills]] brought on by a national brain drain, as the educated classes seek asylum in the US, Canada, or Europe (the map shows many buildings, but they tend not to appear in [[Comic|pictures]] — we can assume they were simply never built. As the poor citizens of CWCville suffer in the squalor of refugee camps, the mayor wastes precious UN [[Monthly tugboat|aid money]] on [[Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|oversize novelty drinking straws]] and [[Patti-chan|credit cards for dogs]]. As of [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Christmas 2009]], there were 10 homeless shelters set up: [[Mailbag 20|Chris himself]] claims that these ten-story "soup hotels" house an indigent population of 900-1800 individuals, and come equipped with free cable TV. They are almost certainly havens for junkies, crack dealers and whores openly plying their trade in the hallways and elevators, while the mayor's personal friends, such as Sonichu, live in state-sponsored, suburban housing.

Conditions in CWCville are worsening daily. As mayoral forces clash with [[Jerkop|rebel police]] in the streets of the capital, aid organizations have been forced to withdraw. While his people starve, mayor Chandler has funneled government money into illegal arms trades, probably with rogue nations, with the stated goal of building a rocket to "send all the [[tobacky]] to the moon". The lavish living conditions and the [[Mailbag 21|salary of his squad of Pokémon goons]] are fully supported by the city's budget.

According to the Samantha Thaddeus E-mails, the government is a "king/queen thing" with no elections.

'''tl;dr''' CWCville is a banana republic that makes most African countries look like the world's best places to live.

==Flora and fauna==
[[Image:zapbud.jpg|thumb|200px|right|Zapbud]]
CWCville, like the rest of Virginia, has a temperate climate and is suitable for large-scale agriculture. Years of economic decline, however, have seen CWCville's environs diverge greatly from those of its neighboring cities. Its forests growing thicker, and its fields returning to nature, CWCville is an excellent laboratory for the avid naturalist. Pokémon roam in the forests; zapbuds fill the fields.

====Zapbud====

'''Zapbuds''' are a horrible new invasive species imported from the hell-hole of Chris's mind. They have quickly established themselves in the surrounding ecosystems, killing off native species such as [[pickle]]s with their weedy tendencies. While some claim zapbuds have [[Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu|narcotic properties]] similar to opium poppies, little attempt has been made to market or cultivate them outside of CWCville due to intervention from environmental groups from letting this horrific weed from spreading. Aside "healing woes", relatively little is known of them. They have four petals, possibly resembling buds of some sort in their normal state, and the "zap" and electrical hazard symbol suggest that it might not be the brightest idea to pee in the middle of a zapbud field. Zapbuds reproduce asexually as they have no pistils or stamens for sexual flower reproduction.

In the comics, Sonichu is fond of calling Rosechu his "zapbud," or even "blossoming zapbud" if he's ''in the mood.'' Chris has, as frequently demonstrated, failed to develop his characters through his stories. The fact that he fails to demonstrate some character for ''plants'' is just plain ''tragic''. For crying out loud, just how hard can it be to make readers give a damn about a fictitious weed that looks like something from a children's television show?

==Anomalies==

It is curious to note that while Chris reigns supreme over his imaginary town, it is still subject to the will of other people (as evidenced by BILLY MAYS' election). This gives a small insight into the workings of Chris's mind, as it implies a belief in the non-physical reality of the realm in his own mind. Any sane person could agree to "proclaim" BILLY MAYS the mayor of their fictional city with an offhand shrug, since it doesn't actually ''mean'' anything. They certainly wouldn't take it seriously enough to feel the need to clarify that they didn't mean it. The long and short of this is that Chris's creations are, to him, [[Chris and Reality#Outside of the comics|subject to certain metaphysical laws and structures]] which IRL he is unable or unwilling to comprehend. This suggests that if efforts were made to convince Chris that, for example, Sonichu had terminal cancer, Chris would either vehemently insist this is not the case, or accept it and claim that he has, in the comic, discovered a cure for [[Homos|cancer]].

==See also==
* [[CWCville Shopping Center]]
* [[CWCville Mayoral Office]]

==Links==
* [http://www.onetruecwcville.net/index.php onetruecwcville.net]
* [http://www.freewebs.com/cwcvillechronicles/ CWCVille Chronicles]
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao1CIn7qkaY CWCville Mayor Campaign 2010]

{{CWCverse}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Places]]
[[Category:Sonichu]]