CWCki - User contributions [en]

Michael Hirtes

2019-05-25T04:54:37Z

Herman255:

:''"Totem Sanic" redirects here. For the [[Relic of Fail]], see [[Sonic Totem]].''

{{quote|Everyone has an animal inside them struggling to be free. Don't be afraid to let him out! Yiff!|Hirtes to a newspaper reporter}}

{{quote|I feel sorry for them in such pitiful conditions and whatnot. I do.|Chris, on weens like Hirtes<ref name=CWCopinion>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CLog_10042017_-_Q%26A_1#Question_19:_About_negativity_and_hate</ref>}}

{{infobox
| title = Michael Hirtes
| image = [[Image:Hirtes.png|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Michael Jay Hirtes
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = MHirtes Slep Totem Sanic [[Michael Hirtes#Twitter sockpuppets|Various others]]
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = 16 April 1964 (age {{age|1964|4|16}})
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Male
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = [[United States|American]]
|label6 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6 = White
|label11 = Occupations
|data11 = [[A-Logging|A-Log]] [[Weening|Ween]] Unemployed
}}

'''Michael Jay "Mike" Hirtes''' is a {{age|1964|4|16}}-year-old man from Council Bluffs, Iowa who has made a name for himself as both an [[A-Logging|A-Log]] and a [[weening|ween]]. Hirtes, also known as [[Kiwi Farms]] member '''Totem Sanic''', has created a multitude of [[Twitter]] accounts to follow Chris and spam him, as well as anyone he tweets to, with angry rants and accusations against him. Most of his rants against Chris consist of trite Chris memes and ''ad hominem'' attacks. Unlike the vast majority of A-Logs, including Anthony LoGatto himself, Hirtes's socks have actually been responded to by Chris, albeit rarely.

Hirtes was first discovered as a <abbr title="A lolcow first discovered as a consequence of his activity on the forum">halal</abbr> member of the Kiwi Farms, where he was outed as the operator of the Twitter account @RektByLife (since deleted), perhaps the most dedicated ween account following Chris at the time. Subsequent developments revealed that not only is Hirtes both older and more immature than Chris, but also that he, too, is [[Monthly tugboat|unemployed]], a [[Giant Penis Comic|furry]], prone to [[tard rage]], and has [[Chris and the law|gotten into trouble with the law]].<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/michael-j-mike-hirtes-mhirtes-slep-totem-sanic.32312/</ref>

==Discovery==
Many observers of Chris will have noted the presence of ween accounts in his Twitter replies for some time. However, much attention was not given to these accounts until Michael Hirtes was discovered on the [[Kiwi Farms]].

Hirtes was first called out when Farms member [https://kiwifarms.net/members/yawning-sneasel.231/ yawning sneasel] linked his Kiwi Farms account, [https://kiwifarms.net/members/michael-j-hirtes.14279/ Totem Sanic], to his @RektByLife (DaThingsIveSeen) Twitter account based on screencaps he had posted, which showed that he had the same Twitter profile picture as the one @RektByLife used. He was further incriminated when a post by him on the forums surfaced, where he praises DaThingsIveSeen for "doing GodBear's work". Furthermore, on the CWCki Club forums, user [http://cwcki.club/index.php?members/hurtful-truth-level.197/ Hurtful Truth Level] revealed that Totem Sanic had asked for credit mention for a tweet by his @EAT_SHITT_CHRIS (GIGANTIC_STRAW) account that Chris had replied to.

Hirtes subsequently complained about being banned in a forum post, which eventually culminated in his revelation as a gigantic laughing stock.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/this-is-why-we-dont-encourage-people-to-harass-chris.32290/</ref> In response to backlash, Hirtes posted a series of angry rants against Kiwi Farms administrator Null and the forum in general on Twitter.

<center><gallery>
File:HirtesTwitter1.png|The incriminating pieces of evidence.
File:Hirtesdp.jpg|Another screencap by Hirtes showing his @RektByLife display picture.
File:Hirtescreditmention.png|Hirtes asks for "credit mention" in response to a screencap of Chris's reply to his sock's tweet.
File:HirtesSalt.png|Mad at Null and the Kiwi Farms after his discovery.
</gallery></center>

As a result, Hirtes now has [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/michael-j-mike-hirtes-mhirtes-slep-totem-sanic.32312/ his very own thread] on the Kiwi Farms.

{{clear}}

==Twitter sockpuppets==
[[File:Penny donation may 2017.jpeg|thumb|150px|From [[monthly tugboat|tugboat]] recipient to tugboat recipient.]]

On [[Twitter]], both before and after he was discovered by the [[Kiwi Farms]], Hirtes has used numerous sockpuppet accounts to reply to Chris's tweets. Most of these replies are cookie-cutter rants chastising Chris for behavior that he, too, has been shown to have exhibited, usually through the use of worn-out Chris memes and ''ad hominem'' attacks. When he is not [[tard rage|autistically screeching]] at Chris, Hirtes is often found angrily tweeting at [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]], or he makes rants about the Kiwi Farms and its users. His tweets are characterized by his usual writing style, along with a tendency to capitalize certain words (in contrast with Chris's style of only capitalizing the first letters of these words).

Hirtes sometimes uses other socks in order to reply to or like a tweet posted by one of his accounts. This is reminiscent of how Chris does the same thing with his [[NightStar2891]] account.

He donated a cent to Chris in response to the latter [[Minor Update, Handouts!|asking for no donations below a dollar]].

{{clear}}

===List of sockpuppets===
{{protip|Not all [[weening|weens]] are Hirtes. Just because they get angry over Chris on Twitter doesn't mean they should be included here.}}{| class="wikitable" style="width:100%"
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>IAmTheRealCWC</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;"|
Christian W Chandler
| Possibly Hirtes' first sock. Created on 22 July 2013.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@RektByLife</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;"|
Dathingsiveseen
| Hirtes' most well-known sock, and the one he primarily operated on prior to his discovery. Created sometime before 16 September 2016.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@S_kank_Hunt42</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;"|
SkankHuntFortyTwo
| Created on 15 November 2016
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Get_a_job_Chris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris is A MALE
| Created on 29 March 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GamestopJerkop</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Clyde Cash
| Created on 14 April 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Ghost_bob_BoOoO</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Ghost Bob
| Created on 18 April 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@shecameforcwc</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
shecameforCWC
| Created on 21 April 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@JULAYYYYYYYYYYY</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Eviction Notice
| Created on 21 April 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Nut_ward_nurse</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Pickle Man
| Created on 21 April 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CWC_Is_Ugly</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Lord_Hater
| Created on 29 April 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@LiquidClyde</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Clyde Cash
| Created on 1 May 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BRRAAAAINSSSSSS</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Zombie_Bob
| Created on 17 May 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CHRIS_IS_MALE</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Reality
| Created on 24 May 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@TROLLING_SUPER</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
TROLLING SUPER
| Created on 4 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Brute_male_CWC</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CWCs_Cumsicles
| Created on 5 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CWC_IS_A_PEDO</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Left_Side_Hater
| Created on 12 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@FUKK_U_CHRIS</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CWC_IS_MALE
| Created on 13 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@EAT_SHITT_CHRIS</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
GIGANTIC STRAW
| Created on 13 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CWC_IS_MALE</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CHRIS_IS_A_FAT_MALE
| Created on 24 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@STINKO_MANBABY</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CHRIS_CANT_STOP_ME
| Created on 27 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@PICKLE_RIIIIIICK</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
PICKLE_RICK
| Created on 15 July 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@FLIPPINGUDABIRD</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
BIRD_IS_THE_WORD
| Created on 19 July 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@DangDirtyTroll</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
ItsDahKrumpas
| Created on 19 July 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@YYAH_YYAH_YYAH</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Dr_Hans_Asperger
| Created on 20 July 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Nannas_4_Barb</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
FOR_THE_HOARD
| Created on 2 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Bluearmsohno</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
MUGSHOT
| Created on 4 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@PICKLE_LICKER</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
DISASTERCHU
| Created on 5 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@He_Wont_Get_Any</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CHRIS_WANTS_LUV
| Created on 5 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@VIRGINWITHRAGE</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
WANT_WOMAN
| Created on 5 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@FapToTheExtreme</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
JULAY
| Created on 6 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@PrayforSorbet</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Sorbet
| Created on 8 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@PISSANDBURN</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Karate_Cole
| Created on 8 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@silens_vigil </nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
silens vigil
| Created on 8 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CuntChan69/@TrumpChan69 </nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
TrueAndHonestChan/ChrisisTrumpson
| Only sock that changed name. Created on 10 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@ItsThisAsshole</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
MisterBungle
| Created on 16 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@MarinerSentMe</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
RepoMan
| Created on 16 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Bend0verChris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Mariner Finance
| Created on 16 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@ScrewyouChris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Coca Cola
| Created on 16 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GheyChris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Ghey Chris
| Created on 18 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CwcCats </nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Dead CWC Cats
| Created on 19 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@ChristiansDuck</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Pickle Man
| Created on 26 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@MANBABY_TANTRUM</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CHRIS_IS_MAAAAD
| Created on 27 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@YoungTrumpChan</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
BlockMeChan
| Created on 29 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Aspergercorn</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
DILDO_ON_FOREHEAD
| Created on 30 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@MariaJunice</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Leslie Barker
| Created on 30 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@TheRealCWC93</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Christine W Chandler
| Created on 1 November 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GreedyChrisChan</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Wants Your Money
| Created on 5 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@chris_crybaby</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Crybaby Chris
| Created on 7 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@AndTheCatCameB1</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
And The Cat Came Back The Very Next Day
| Created on 17 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CHRIS_IS_DOOMED</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CHRIS_CANT_BLOCK_REALITY
| Created on 17 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@AngerJack1</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
AngerJack
| Created on 25 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GIMME_YER_MONEY</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
I_WANT_MORE_MONEYYYYYY
| Created on 26 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GOTTA_SPEND_IT</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
I_WANT_MORE_MONEYYYY
| Created on 26 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Stress_Sigh</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Blocks Me Cuz He Knows I'm Telling The Truth
| Created on 28 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Homeless_Saga</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Eviction Looms For Chris
| Created on 28 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Dimwit_Chris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Blocks, I make a new account
| Created on 28 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Pay_Up_Fatso</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CWCs_BIG_FAT_COURT_FINE
| Created on 28 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@ChrisInDenial</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
1 1/2 minutes to make a new account, Chris
| Created on 28 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BackCwc</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Bring_Back_Classic_CWC
| Created on 29 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@NNNNNNGGGGHHHHH</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
ChrisTard Meltdown
| Created on 29 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@They_Just_Dont</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
The Blocks! They Do Nothing!
| Created on 31 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@LookAtMeScowl</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Frowngrade
| Created on 31 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@evianwater8</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
evian water
| Created on 4 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BlocksDontWork</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Im Watching You
| Created on 14 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BLOCKSDONOTWORK</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
I GAVE YOU MY MOTHER! THERE IS NO EXCUSE!!
| Created on 21 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BlockeeNoStopee</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
IT'ZA ME! GRADUON!!
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@UMadYetChris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
I CAN DO THIS ALL DAY
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BAAAAANNNNED</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
GROPEY CHRIS GOT BANNED FROM TOOMANYGAMES
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@ChrisPerv</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
GROPEY CHRIS GOT THE BOOT
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BanDeeBanBanBan</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Banned Chris is Banned
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@WAAAAAUUUGGHHHH</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
<nowiki>*AUTISTIC SCREECHING*</nowiki>
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BannedChan</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chan Banned
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@NoUcantNope</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
You Can't Block The Truth Away, Chris
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Skeevy_Pharmz</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
NOOOOL
| Created on 27 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GetsAwayWithIt</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Joshua Wise: The hero That CWCville Needs
| Created on 14 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Buy_My_Blanket</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Chan, the Mom-Punching Floor-Sh*tter
| Created on 15 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Mom_Puncher</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
The Blue-Armed Meanie
| Created on 15 July 2018
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@HNNNNNNNGGGGG</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
HOLY SHIT CHRIS CHAN IS SO FUCKING MAD!
| Created on 22 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GrubbyGrabHands</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Chan's Comin' to Grope You
| Created on 26 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BroniesBeware</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Weekend at Chris Chan's
| Created on 26 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BadBadTouches</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Beware of Chris Chan
| Created on 27 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@starvingnalone</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Barb Chandler, back at the house starving
| Created on 27 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@FilthAndFlies</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
The Garbage House at 14 Branchland Court
| Created on 27 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@NoGala4CWC</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Chan Vs The Velvet Rope
| Created on 28 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@NoCWCallowed</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
The Grand Galloping CWC-Free Gala
| Created on 28 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BAWWWWWWWW</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
No Gala For Chris Chan
| Created on 28 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Me_Want_Woman</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Chan's Bathroom Adventure
| Created on 29 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@yayKarma</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Satanic Mechanic
| Created on 29 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@bronycons</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
No More BronyCons for Chris Chan
| Created on 29 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@NullEat</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
EatMyAssNull
| Created on 30 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Righteous4CWC</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Richard Righteous
| An unusual sock where he strawmans a [[white knight]] of Chris. Created on 31 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@acheekiebreekie</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
C͕̥̕ͅR͏̗̳͍A͓͍͔̜̟͢P̹̟̼̭̤͜ͅ ͍͈͈͜C̫͎͞H̷̤͓̼̥ͅÁ̵͏̣̜N͘͘
| Created on 1 August 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CwcSaga</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CWC's Homeless Saga
| Created on 10 August 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@yumadbruhhhhh</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
King Buddole I
| Created on 4 November 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@chan_again</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
ChrisChanLiesAgain
| Created on 12 November 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@WeAreNotAmusedd</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Disapproving Sonichu
| Created on 14 November 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@PayUpChris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
MIDLAND LLC
| Created on 8 January 2019.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@nocum4CWC</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
nobodycomesforCWC
| Created on 20 January 2019.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@AaaaaghhhA</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
AAAAAGHHH HATERS AAAAGGHHHH
| Created on 26 January 2019.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@AmongWitch</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Among Witch
| Created on 29 January 2019.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@MungWitch</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
A MUNG WITCH
| Created on 4 March 2019.
|}

==Notable quotes by Hirtes==
{{quote|We all know what a waste of an education was on you, Ian.|Hirtes replying to Chris' comment to Tara Strong. Surprisingly, Tara liked this reply.}}
{{quote|YOU HAVE DONE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFETIME TO EARN GOING TO THAT CONVENTION YOU LAZY NAÏVE HACK THEIF[sic]|Hirtes reacting to his trip to [[BronyCon]].}}
{{quote|Next thing you know, Chris is gonna confess that he was also [[DoopieDoOver]] all along, and we're all gonna be so gobsmacked. Chris is so smart|Hirtes sarcastically commenting over the possibility of the Doopie Saga.}}
{{quote|I feel sorry for all of the kids trapped in the same theater Fatty is going to stink up.|Hirtes' reaction to Chris and [[Jessica Quinn|Jessica]]'s upcoming movie date.}}
{{quote|Did you spit or swallow Chris' spunk after you typed that?|Hirtes' response to a critic.}}
{{quote|This is all just the calm before the storm, Fatty. When it happens, it will end you. I know how to wait. ⛈️|Hirtes' thinly-veiled threats in response to Chris enjoying himself at [[MAGfest]] 2018.}}

==Chris's view on Hirtes==
Despite the effort Hirtes put into shitposting thousands of times about Chris, Chris himself barely pays him any attention. He was asked about Hirtes for a Q&A video, in which Chris responded that he felt pity for people like that<ref name=CWCopinion></ref>. In October 2017, nearly a year into Hirtes's spam crusade, Chris tagged his Twitter handle and said<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2017_tweets#Hirtes_is_impotent</ref>:

{{quote|While your comments do come into my view, I take them with the grain of salt, and shield my emotions and mind from your spite.}}

Amusingly, Chris came to Hirtes's defense in a tweet war between the latter and a white knight, saying, "Not all people who identify as furries are bad.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2017_tweets#On_furries</ref>"

Chris shared an anecdote about Hirtes to a Planet Dolan member who had complained of being trolled by someone with multiple accounts. Chris said:

{{quote|You block one, that same one comes back behind a different mask/account. Nowadays, I just make sure I do not have notifications turned on with this kid, and let him go on.|Hirtes only makes Chris stronger<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2017_tweets#On_blocking_trolls</ref>}}

However, this reaction would not last forever as on 16 [[May 2018]], Chris called out Hirtes for his weening. This would result in a flame war between the two people. This ended with Chris subsequently blocking Hirtes' socks from his page. Despite that, Hirtes continues to make sockpuppets to this day, trying in vain to illicit the same response earlier.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:HirtesYearbookPhoto.png|Leaked high school yearbook photo of Hirtes. He is at the 2nd row and 2nd to the left.
File:NewspaperHirtes.png|Hirtes makes an appearance in the local news. "Yiff! Yiff! That's what foxes say."
File:HirtesFirstTweet.png|Hirtes's first tweet to Chris.
File:Hirtes to Nowacking.png|An example of Hirtes's work.
File:Hirtes1.png|Hirtes replies to himself and likes his own tweets with separate accounts.
File:Hirtes2.png|Laughing at his own jokes.
File:Hirtescriminal.png|Hirtes and [[the Law]].
File:HirtesMagfestMessage.png|Hirtes a-logging Chris after [[MAGfest]]
File:Virgin Hirtes vs Chad Chris Chan.png|Comparing Hirtes and Chris in meme form.
</gallery></center>

=="Fan" video==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Michael J. Hirtes
| video = {{#ev:youtube|FsfyCQzluJM}}
| stardate = 30 [[July 2018]]
| maker =Spelling Bee
}}

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://en.wikifur.com/wiki/Michael_Hirtes Hirtes's page on WikiFur]
*[https://www.iowacourts.state.ia.us/ESAWebApp/TIndexFrm Criminal search website containing Hirtes's records]
{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hirtes, Michael}}
[[Category:People]]

Michael Hirtes

2019-02-02T06:33:10Z

Herman255: I fixed a formatting issue and added another Hirtes sock

:''"Totem Sanic" redirects here. For the [[Relic of Fail]], see [[Sonic Totem]].''

{{quote|Everyone has an animal inside them struggling to be free. Don't be afraid to let him out! Yiff!|Hirtes to a newspaper reporter}}

{{quote|I feel sorry for them in such pitiful conditions and whatnot. I do.|Chris, on weens like Hirtes<ref name=CWCopinion>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CLog_10042017_-_Q%26A_1#Question_19:_About_negativity_and_hate</ref>}}

{{infobox
| title = Michael Hirtes
| image = [[Image:Hirtes.png|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Michael Jay Hirtes
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = MHirtes Slep Totem Sanic [[Michael Hirtes#Twitter sockpuppets|Various others]]
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = 16 April 1964 (age {{age|1964|4|16}})
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Male
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = [[United States|American]]
|label6 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6 = White
|label11 = Occupations
|data11 = [[A-Logging|A-Log]] [[Weening|Ween]] Unemployed
}}

'''Michael Jay "Mike" Hirtes''' is a {{age|1964|4|16}}-year-old man from Council Bluffs, Iowa who has made a name for himself as both an [[A-Logging|A-Log]] and a [[weening|ween]]. Hirtes, also known as [[Kiwi Farms]] member '''Totem Sanic''', has created a multitude of [[Twitter]] accounts to follow Chris and spam him, as well as anyone he tweets to, with angry rants and accusations against him. Most of his rants against Chris consist of trite Chris memes and ''ad hominem'' attacks. Unlike the vast majority of A-Logs, including Anthony LoGatto himself, Hirtes's socks have actually been responded to by Chris, albeit rarely.

Hirtes was first discovered as a <abbr title="A lolcow first discovered as a consequence of his activity on the forum">halal</abbr> member of the Kiwi Farms, where he was outed as the operator of the Twitter account @RektByLife (since deleted), perhaps the most dedicated ween account following Chris at the time. Subsequent developments revealed that not only is Hirtes both older and more immature than Chris, but also that he, too, is [[Monthly tugboat|unemployed]], a [[Giant Penis Comic|furry]], prone to [[tard rage]], and has [[Chris and the law|gotten into trouble with the law]].<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/michael-j-mike-hirtes-mhirtes-slep-totem-sanic.32312/</ref>

==Discovery==
Many observers of Chris will have noted the presence of ween accounts in his Twitter replies for some time. However, much attention was not given to these accounts until Michael Hirtes was discovered on the [[Kiwi Farms]].

Hirtes was first called out when Farms member [https://kiwifarms.net/members/yawning-sneasel.231/ yawning sneasel] linked his Kiwi Farms account, [https://kiwifarms.net/members/michael-j-hirtes.14279/ Totem Sanic], to his @RektByLife (DaThingsIveSeen) Twitter account based on screencaps he had posted, which showed that he had the same Twitter profile picture as the one @RektByLife used. He was further incriminated when a post by him on the forums surfaced, where he praises DaThingsIveSeen for "doing GodBear's work". Furthermore, on the CWCki Club forums, user [http://cwcki.club/index.php?members/hurtful-truth-level.197/ Hurtful Truth Level] revealed that Totem Sanic had asked for credit mention for a tweet by his @EAT_SHITT_CHRIS (GIGANTIC_STRAW) account that Chris had replied to.

Hirtes subsequently complained about being banned in a forum post, which eventually culminated in his revelation as a gigantic laughing stock.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/this-is-why-we-dont-encourage-people-to-harass-chris.32290/</ref> In response to backlash, Hirtes posted a series of angry rants against Kiwi Farms administrator Null and the forum in general on Twitter.

<center><gallery>
File:HirtesTwitter1.png|The incriminating pieces of evidence.
File:Hirtesdp.jpg|Another screencap by Hirtes showing his @RektByLife display picture.
File:Hirtescreditmention.png|Hirtes asks for "credit mention" in response to a screencap of Chris's reply to his sock's tweet.
File:HirtesSalt.png|Mad at Null and the Kiwi Farms after his discovery.
</gallery></center>

As a result, Hirtes now has [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/michael-j-mike-hirtes-mhirtes-slep-totem-sanic.32312/ his very own thread] on the Kiwi Farms.

{{clear}}

==Twitter sockpuppets==
[[File:Penny donation may 2017.jpeg|thumb|150px|From [[monthly tugboat|tugboat]] recipient to tugboat recipient.]]

On [[Twitter]], both before and after he was discovered by the [[Kiwi Farms]], Hirtes has used numerous sockpuppet accounts to reply to Chris's tweets. Most of these replies are cookie-cutter rants chastising Chris for behavior that he, too, has been shown to have exhibited, usually through the use of worn-out Chris memes and ''ad hominem'' attacks. When he is not [[tard rage|autistically screeching]] at Chris, Hirtes is often found angrily tweeting at [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]], or he makes rants about the Kiwi Farms and its users. His tweets are characterized by his usual writing style, along with a tendency to capitalize certain words (in contrast with Chris's style of only capitalizing the first letters of these words).

Hirtes sometimes uses other socks in order to reply to or like a tweet posted by one of his accounts. This is reminiscent of how Chris does the same thing with his [[NightStar2891]] account.

He donated a cent to Chris in response to the latter [[Minor Update, Handouts!|asking for no donations below a dollar]].

{{clear}}

===List of sockpuppets===
{{protip|Not all [[weening|weens]] are Hirtes. Just because they get angry over Chris on Twitter doesn't mean they should be included here.}}{| class="wikitable" style="width:100%"
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>IAmTheRealCWC</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;"|
Christian W Chandler
| Possibly Hirtes' first sock. Created on 22 July 2013.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@RektByLife</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;"|
Dathingsiveseen
| Hirtes' most well-known sock, and the one he primarily operated on prior to his discovery. Created sometime before 16 September 2016.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@S_kank_Hunt42</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;"|
SkankHuntFortyTwo
| Created on 15 November 2016
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Get_a_job_Chris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris is A MALE
| Created on 29 March 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GamestopJerkop</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Clyde Cash
| Created on 14 April 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Ghost_bob_BoOoO</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Ghost Bob
| Created on 18 April 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@shecameforcwc</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
shecameforCWC
| Created on 21 April 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@JULAYYYYYYYYYYY</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Eviction Notice
| Created on 21 April 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Nut_ward_nurse</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Pickle Man
| Created on 21 April 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CWC_Is_Ugly</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Lord_Hater
| Created on 29 April 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@LiquidClyde</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Clyde Cash
| Created on 1 May 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BRRAAAAINSSSSSS</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Zombie_Bob
| Created on 17 May 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CHRIS_IS_MALE</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Reality
| Created on 24 May 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@TROLLING_SUPER</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
TROLLING SUPER
| Created on 4 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Brute_male_CWC</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CWCs_Cumsicles
| Created on 5 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CWC_IS_A_PEDO</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Left_Side_Hater
| Created on 12 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@FUKK_U_CHRIS</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CWC_IS_MALE
| Created on 13 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@EAT_SHITT_CHRIS</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
GIGANTIC STRAW
| Created on 13 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CWC_IS_MALE</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CHRIS_IS_A_FAT_MALE
| Created on 24 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@STINKO_MANBABY</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CHRIS_CANT_STOP_ME
| Created on 27 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@PICKLE_RIIIIIICK</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
PICKLE_RICK
| Created on 15 July 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@FLIPPINGUDABIRD</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
BIRD_IS_THE_WORD
| Created on 19 July 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@DangDirtyTroll</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
ItsDahKrumpas
| Created on 19 July 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@YYAH_YYAH_YYAH</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Dr_Hans_Asperger
| Created on 20 July 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Nannas_4_Barb</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
FOR_THE_HOARD
| Created on 2 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Bluearmsohno</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
MUGSHOT
| Created on 4 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@PICKLE_LICKER</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
DISASTERCHU
| Created on 5 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@He_Wont_Get_Any</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CHRIS_WANTS_LUV
| Created on 5 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@VIRGINWITHRAGE</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
WANT_WOMAN
| Created on 5 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@FapToTheExtreme</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
JULAY
| Created on 6 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@PrayforSorbet</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Sorbet
| Created on 8 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@PISSANDBURN</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Karate_Cole
| Created on 8 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@silens_vigil </nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
silens vigil
| Created on 8 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CuntChan69/@TrumpChan69 </nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
TrueAndHonestChan/ChrisisTrumpson
| Only sock that changed name. Created on 10 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@ItsThisAsshole</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
MisterBungle
| Created on 16 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@MarinerSentMe</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
RepoMan
| Created on 16 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Bend0verChris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Mariner Finance
| Created on 16 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@ScrewyouChris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Coca Cola
| Created on 16 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GheyChris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Ghey Chris
| Created on 18 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CwcCats </nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Dead CWC Cats
| Created on 19 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@ChristiansDuck</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Pickle Man
| Created on 26 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@MANBABY_TANTRUM</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CHRIS_IS_MAAAAD
| Created on 27 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@YoungTrumpChan</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
BlockMeChan
| Created on 29 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Aspergercorn</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
DILDO_ON_FOREHEAD
| Created on 30 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@MariaJunice</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Leslie Barker
| Created on 30 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@TheRealCWC93</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Christine W Chandler
| Created on 1 November 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GreedyChrisChan</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Wants Your Money
| Created on 5 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@chris_crybaby</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Crybaby Chris
| Created on 7 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@AndTheCatCameB1</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
And The Cat Came Back The Very Next Day
| Created on 17 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CHRIS_IS_DOOMED</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CHRIS_CANT_BLOCK_REALITY
| Created on 17 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@AngerJack1</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
AngerJack
| Created on 25 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GIMME_YER_MONEY</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
I_WANT_MORE_MONEYYYYYY
| Created on 26 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GOTTA_SPEND_IT</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
I_WANT_MORE_MONEYYYY
| Created on 26 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Stress_Sigh</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Blocks Me Cuz He Knows I'm Telling The Truth
| Created on 28 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Homeless_Saga</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Eviction Looms For Chris
| Created on 28 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Dimwit_Chris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Blocks, I make a new account
| Created on 28 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Pay_Up_Fatso</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CWCs_BIG_FAT_COURT_FINE
| Created on 28 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@ChrisInDenial</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
1 1/2 minutes to make a new account, Chris
| Created on 28 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BackCwc</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Bring_Back_Classic_CWC
| Created on 29 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@NNNNNNGGGGHHHHH</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
ChrisTard Meltdown
| Created on 29 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@They_Just_Dont</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
The Blocks! They Do Nothing!
| Created on 31 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@LookAtMeScowl</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Frowngrade
| Created on 31 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@evianwater8</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
evian water
| Created on 4 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BlocksDontWork</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Im Watching You
| Created on 14 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BLOCKSDONOTWORK</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
I GAVE YOU MY MOTHER! THERE IS NO EXCUSE!!
| Created on 21 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BlockeeNoStopee</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
IT'ZA ME! GRADUON!!
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@UMadYetChris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
I CAN DO THIS ALL DAY
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BAAAAANNNNED</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
GROPEY CHRIS GOT BANNED FROM TOOMANYGAMES
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@ChrisPerv</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
GROPEY CHRIS GOT THE BOOT
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BanDeeBanBanBan</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Banned Chris is Banned
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@WAAAAAUUUGGHHHH</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
<nowiki>*AUTISTIC SCREECHING*</nowiki>
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BannedChan</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chan Banned
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@NoUcantNope</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
You Can't Block The Truth Away, Chris
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Skeevy_Pharmz</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
NOOOOL
| Created on 27 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GetsAwayWithIt</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Joshua Wise: The hero That CWCville Needs
| Created on 14 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Buy_My_Blanket</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Chan, the Mom-Punching Floor-Sh*tter
| Created on 15 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Mom_Puncher</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
The Blue-Armed Meanie
| Created on 15 July 2018
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@HNNNNNNNGGGGG</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
HOLY SHIT CHRIS CHAN IS SO FUCKING MAD!
| Created on 22 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GrubbyGrabHands</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Chan's Comin' to Grope You
| Created on 26 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BroniesBeware</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Weekend at Chris Chan's
| Created on 26 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BadBadTouches</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Beware of Chris Chan
| Created on 27 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@starvingnalone</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Barb Chandler, back at the house starving
| Created on 27 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@FilthAndFlies</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
The Garbage House at 14 Branchland Court
| Created on 27 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@NoGala4CWC</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Chan Vs The Velvet Rope
| Created on 28 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@NoCWCallowed</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
The Grand Galloping CWC-Free Gala
| Created on 28 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BAWWWWWWWW</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
No Gala For Chris Chan
| Created on 28 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Me_Want_Woman</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Chan's Bathroom Adventure
| Created on 29 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@yayKarma</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Satanic Mechanic
| Created on 29 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@bronycons</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
No More BronyCons for Chris Chan
| Created on 29 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@NullEat</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
EatMyAssNull
| Created on 30 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Righteous4CWC</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Richard Righteous
| An unusual sock where he strawmans a [[white knight]] of Chris. Created on 31 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@acheekiebreekie</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
C͕̥̕ͅR͏̗̳͍A͓͍͔̜̟͢P̹̟̼̭̤͜ͅ ͍͈͈͜C̫͎͞H̷̤͓̼̥ͅÁ̵͏̣̜N͘͘
| Created on 1 August 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CwcSaga</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CWC's Homeless Saga
| Created on 10 August 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@yumadbruhhhhh</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
King Buddole I
| Created on 4 November 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@chan_again</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
ChrisChanLiesAgain
| Created on 12 November 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@WeAreNotAmusedd</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Disapproving Sonichu
| Created on 14 November 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@PayUpChris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
MIDLAND LLC
| Created on 8 January 2019.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@nocum4CWC</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
nobodycomesforCWC
| Created on 20 January 2019.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@AaaaaghhhA</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
AAAAAGHHH HATERS AAAAGGHHHH
| Created on 26 January 2019.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@AmongWitch</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Among Witch
| Created on 29 January 2019.
|}

==Notable quotes by Hirtes==
{{quote|We all know what a waste of an education was on you, Ian.|Hirtes replying to Chris' comment to Tara Strong. Surprisingly, Tara liked this reply.}}
{{quote|YOU HAVE DONE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFETIME TO EARN GOING TO THAT CONVENTION YOU LAZY NAÏVE HACK THEIF[sic]|Hirtes reacting to his trip to [[BronyCon]].}}
{{quote|Next thing you know, Chris is gonna confess that he was also [[DoopieDoOver]] all along, and we're all gonna be so gobsmacked. Chris is so smart|Hirtes sarcastically commenting over the possibility of the Doopie Saga.}}
{{quote|I feel sorry for all of the kids trapped in the same theater Fatty is going to stink up.|Hirtes' reaction to Chris and [[Jessica Quinn|Jessica]]'s upcoming movie date.}}
{{quote|Did you spit or swallow Chris' spunk after you typed that?|Hirtes' response to a critic.}}
{{quote|This is all just the calm before the storm, Fatty. When it happens, it will end you. I know how to wait. ⛈️|Hirtes' thinly-veiled threats in response to Chris enjoying himself at [[MAGfest]] 2018.}}

==Chris's view on Hirtes==
Despite the effort Hirtes put into shitposting thousands of times about Chris, Chris himself barely pays him any attention. He was asked about Hirtes for a Q&A video, in which Chris responded that he felt pity for people like that<ref name=CWCopinion></ref>. In October 2017, nearly a year into Hirtes's spam crusade, Chris tagged his Twitter handle and said<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2017_tweets#Hirtes_is_impotent</ref>:

{{quote|While your comments do come into my view, I take them with the grain of salt, and shield my emotions and mind from your spite.}}

Amusingly, Chris came to Hirtes's defense in a tweet war between the latter and a white knight, saying, "Not all people who identify as furries are bad.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2017_tweets#On_furries</ref>"

Chris shared an anecdote about Hirtes to a Planet Dolan member who had complained of being trolled by someone with multiple accounts. Chris said:

{{quote|You block one, that same one comes back behind a different mask/account. Nowadays, I just make sure I do not have notifications turned on with this kid, and let him go on.|Hirtes only makes Chris stronger<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2017_tweets#On_blocking_trolls</ref>}}

However, this reaction would not last forever as on 16 [[May 2018]], Chris called out Hirtes for his weening. This would result in a flame war between the two people. This ended with Chris subsequently blocking Hirtes' socks from his page. Despite that, Hirtes continues to make sockpuppets to this day, trying in vain to illicit the same response earlier.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:HirtesYearbookPhoto.png|Leaked high school yearbook photo of Hirtes. He is at the 2nd row and 2nd to the left.
File:NewspaperHirtes.png|Hirtes makes an appearance in the local news. "Yiff! Yiff! That's what foxes say."
File:HirtesFirstTweet.png|Hirtes's first tweet to Chris.
File:Hirtes to Nowacking.png|An example of Hirtes's work.
File:Hirtes1.png|Hirtes replies to himself and likes his own tweets with separate accounts.
File:Hirtes2.png|Laughing at his own jokes.
File:Hirtescriminal.png|Hirtes and [[the Law]].
File:HirtesMagfestMessage.png|Hirtes a-logging Chris after [[MAGfest]]
File:Virgin Hirtes vs Chad Chris Chan.png|Comparing Hirtes and Chris in meme form.
</gallery></center>

=="Fan" video==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Michael J. Hirtes
| video = {{#ev:youtube|FsfyCQzluJM}}
| stardate = 30 [[July 2018]]
| maker =Spelling Bee
}}

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://en.wikifur.com/wiki/Michael_Hirtes Hirtes's page on WikiFur]
*[https://www.iowacourts.state.ia.us/ESAWebApp/TIndexFrm Criminal search website containing Hirtes's records]
{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hirtes, Michael}}
[[Category:People]]

Michael Hirtes

2019-02-01T17:10:16Z

Herman255:

:''"Totem Sanic" redirects here. For the [[Relic of Fail]], see [[Sonic Totem]].''

{{quote|Everyone has an animal inside them struggling to be free. Don't be afraid to let him out! Yiff!|Hirtes to a newspaper reporter}}

{{quote|I feel sorry for them in such pitiful conditions and whatnot. I do.|Chris, on weens like Hirtes<ref name=CWCopinion>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CLog_10042017_-_Q%26A_1#Question_19:_About_negativity_and_hate</ref>}}

{{infobox
| title = Michael Hirtes
| image = [[Image:Hirtes.png|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Michael Jay Hirtes
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = MHirtes Slep Totem Sanic [[Michael Hirtes#Twitter sockpuppets|Various others]]
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = 16 April 1964 (age {{age|1964|4|16}})
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Male
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = [[United States|American]]
|label6 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6 = White
|label11 = Occupations
|data11 = [[A-Logging|A-Log]] [[Weening|Ween]] Unemployed
}}

'''Michael Jay "Mike" Hirtes''' is a {{age|1964|4|16}}-year-old man from Council Bluffs, Iowa who has made a name for himself as both an [[A-Logging|A-Log]] and a [[weening|ween]]. Hirtes, also known as [[Kiwi Farms]] member '''Totem Sanic''', has created a multitude of [[Twitter]] accounts to follow Chris and spam him, as well as anyone he tweets to, with angry rants and accusations against him. Most of his rants against Chris consist of trite Chris memes and ''ad hominem'' attacks. Unlike the vast majority of A-Logs, including Anthony LoGatto himself, Hirtes's socks have actually been responded to by Chris, albeit rarely.

Hirtes was first discovered as a <abbr title="A lolcow first discovered as a consequence of his activity on the forum">halal</abbr> member of the Kiwi Farms, where he was outed as the operator of the Twitter account @RektByLife (since deleted), perhaps the most dedicated ween account following Chris at the time. Subsequent developments revealed that not only is Hirtes both older and more immature than Chris, but also that he, too, is [[Monthly tugboat|unemployed]], a [[Giant Penis Comic|furry]], prone to [[tard rage]], and has [[Chris and the law|gotten into trouble with the law]].<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/michael-j-mike-hirtes-mhirtes-slep-totem-sanic.32312/</ref>

==Discovery==
Many observers of Chris will have noted the presence of ween accounts in his Twitter replies for some time. However, much attention was not given to these accounts until Michael Hirtes was discovered on the [[Kiwi Farms]].

Hirtes was first called out when Farms member [https://kiwifarms.net/members/yawning-sneasel.231/ yawning sneasel] linked his Kiwi Farms account, [https://kiwifarms.net/members/michael-j-hirtes.14279/ Totem Sanic], to his @RektByLife (DaThingsIveSeen) Twitter account based on screencaps he had posted, which showed that he had the same Twitter profile picture as the one @RektByLife used. He was further incriminated when a post by him on the forums surfaced, where he praises DaThingsIveSeen for "doing GodBear's work". Furthermore, on the CWCki Club forums, user [http://cwcki.club/index.php?members/hurtful-truth-level.197/ Hurtful Truth Level] revealed that Totem Sanic had asked for credit mention for a tweet by his @EAT_SHITT_CHRIS (GIGANTIC_STRAW) account that Chris had replied to.

Hirtes subsequently complained about being banned in a forum post, which eventually culminated in his revelation as a gigantic laughing stock.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/this-is-why-we-dont-encourage-people-to-harass-chris.32290/</ref> In response to backlash, Hirtes posted a series of angry rants against Kiwi Farms administrator Null and the forum in general on Twitter.

<center><gallery>
File:HirtesTwitter1.png|The incriminating pieces of evidence.
File:Hirtesdp.jpg|Another screencap by Hirtes showing his @RektByLife display picture.
File:Hirtescreditmention.png|Hirtes asks for "credit mention" in response to a screencap of Chris's reply to his sock's tweet.
File:HirtesSalt.png|Mad at Null and the Kiwi Farms after his discovery.
</gallery></center>

As a result, Hirtes now has [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/michael-j-mike-hirtes-mhirtes-slep-totem-sanic.32312/ his very own thread] on the Kiwi Farms.

{{clear}}

==Twitter sockpuppets==
[[File:Penny donation may 2017.jpeg|thumb|150px|From [[monthly tugboat|tugboat]] recipient to tugboat recipient.]]

On [[Twitter]], both before and after he was discovered by the [[Kiwi Farms]], Hirtes has used numerous sockpuppet accounts to reply to Chris's tweets. Most of these replies are cookie-cutter rants chastising Chris for behavior that he, too, has been shown to have exhibited, usually through the use of worn-out Chris memes and ''ad hominem'' attacks. When he is not [[tard rage|autistically screeching]] at Chris, Hirtes is often found angrily tweeting at [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]], or he makes rants about the Kiwi Farms and its users. His tweets are characterized by his usual writing style, along with a tendency to capitalize certain words (in contrast with Chris's style of only capitalizing the first letters of these words).

Hirtes sometimes uses other socks in order to reply to or like a tweet posted by one of his accounts. This is reminiscent of how Chris does the same thing with his [[NightStar2891]] account.

He donated a cent to Chris in response to the latter [[Minor Update, Handouts!|asking for no donations below a dollar]].

{{clear}}

===List of sockpuppets===
{{protip|Not all [[weening|weens]] are Hirtes. Just because they get angry over Chris on Twitter doesn't mean they should be included here.}}{| class="wikitable" style="width:100%"
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>IAmTheRealCWC</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;"|
Christian W Chandler
| Possibly Hirtes' first sock. Created on 22 July 2013.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@RektByLife</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;"|
Dathingsiveseen
| Hirtes' most well-known sock, and the one he primarily operated on prior to his discovery. Created sometime before 16 September 2016.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@S_kank_Hunt42</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;"|
SkankHuntFortyTwo
| Created on 15 November 2016
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Get_a_job_Chris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris is A MALE
| Created on 29 March 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GamestopJerkop</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Clyde Cash
| Created on 14 April 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Ghost_bob_BoOoO</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Ghost Bob
| Created on 18 April 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@shecameforcwc</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
shecameforCWC
| Created on 21 April 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@JULAYYYYYYYYYYY</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Eviction Notice
| Created on 21 April 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Nut_ward_nurse</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Pickle Man
| Created on 21 April 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CWC_Is_Ugly</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Lord_Hater
| Created on 29 April 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@LiquidClyde</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Clyde Cash
| Created on 1 May 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BRRAAAAINSSSSSS</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Zombie_Bob
| Created on 17 May 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CHRIS_IS_MALE</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Reality
| Created on 24 May 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@TROLLING_SUPER</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
TROLLING SUPER
| Created on 4 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Brute_male_CWC</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CWCs_Cumsicles
| Created on 5 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CWC_IS_A_PEDO</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Left_Side_Hater
| Created on 12 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@FUKK_U_CHRIS</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CWC_IS_MALE
| Created on 13 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@EAT_SHITT_CHRIS</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
GIGANTIC STRAW
| Created on 13 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CWC_IS_MALE</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CHRIS_IS_A_FAT_MALE
| Created on 24 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@STINKO_MANBABY</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CHRIS_CANT_STOP_ME
| Created on 27 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@PICKLE_RIIIIIICK</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
PICKLE_RICK
| Created on 15 July 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@FLIPPINGUDABIRD</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
BIRD_IS_THE_WORD
| Created on 19 July 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@DangDirtyTroll</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
ItsDahKrumpas
| Created on 19 July 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@YYAH_YYAH_YYAH</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Dr_Hans_Asperger
| Created on 20 July 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Nannas_4_Barb</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
FOR_THE_HOARD
| Created on 2 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Bluearmsohno</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
MUGSHOT
| Created on 4 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@PICKLE_LICKER</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
DISASTERCHU
| Created on 5 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@He_Wont_Get_Any</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CHRIS_WANTS_LUV
| Created on 5 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@VIRGINWITHRAGE</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
WANT_WOMAN
| Created on 5 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@FapToTheExtreme</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
JULAY
| Created on 6 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@PrayforSorbet</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Sorbet
| Created on 8 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@PISSANDBURN</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Karate_Cole
| Created on 8 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@silens_vigil </nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
silens vigil
| Created on 8 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CuntChan69/@TrumpChan69 </nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
TrueAndHonestChan/ChrisisTrumpson
| Only sock that changed name. Created on 10 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@ItsThisAsshole</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
MisterBungle
| Created on 16 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@MarinerSentMe</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
RepoMan
| Created on 16 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Bend0verChris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Mariner Finance
| Created on 16 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@ScrewyouChris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Coca Cola
| Created on 16 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GheyChris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Ghey Chris
| Created on 18 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CwcCats </nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Dead CWC Cats
| Created on 19 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@ChristiansDuck</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Pickle Man
| Created on 26 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@MANBABY_TANTRUM</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CHRIS_IS_MAAAAD
| Created on 27 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@YoungTrumpChan</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
BlockMeChan
| Created on 29 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Aspergercorn</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
DILDO_ON_FOREHEAD
| Created on 30 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@MariaJunice</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Leslie Barker
| Created on 30 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@TheRealCWC93</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Christine W Chandler
| Created on 1 November 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GreedyChrisChan</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Wants Your Money
| Created on 5 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@chris_crybaby</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Crybaby Chris
| Created on 7 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@AndTheCatCameB1</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
And The Cat Came Back The Very Next Day
| Created on 17 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CHRIS_IS_DOOMED</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CHRIS_CANT_BLOCK_REALITY
| Created on 17 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@AngerJack1</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
AngerJack
| Created on 25 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GIMME_YER_MONEY</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
I_WANT_MORE_MONEYYYYYY
| Created on 26 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GOTTA_SPEND_IT</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
I_WANT_MORE_MONEYYYY
| Created on 26 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Stress_Sigh</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Blocks Me Cuz He Knows I'm Telling The Truth
| Created on 28 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Homeless_Saga</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Eviction Looms For Chris
| Created on 28 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Dimwit_Chris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Blocks, I make a new account
| Created on 28 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Pay_Up_Fatso</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CWCs_BIG_FAT_COURT_FINE
| Created on 28 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@ChrisInDenial</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
1 1/2 minutes to make a new account, Chris
| Created on 28 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BackCwc</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Bring_Back_Classic_CWC
| Created on 29 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@NNNNNNGGGGHHHHH</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
ChrisTard Meltdown
| Created on 29 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@They_Just_Dont</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
The Blocks! They Do Nothing!
| Created on 31 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@LookAtMeScowl</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Frowngrade
| Created on 31 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@evianwater8</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
evian water
| Created on 4 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BlocksDontWork</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Im Watching You
| Created on 14 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BLOCKSDONOTWORK</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
I GAVE YOU MY MOTHER! THERE IS NO EXCUSE!!
| Created on 21 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BlockeeNoStopee</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
IT'ZA ME! GRADUON!!
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@UMadYetChris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
I CAN DO THIS ALL DAY
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BAAAAANNNNED</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
GROPEY CHRIS GOT BANNED FROM TOOMANYGAMES
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@ChrisPerv</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
GROPEY CHRIS GOT THE BOOT
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BanDeeBanBanBan</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Banned Chris is Banned
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@WAAAAAUUUGGHHHH</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
*AUTISTIC SCREECHING*
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BannedChan</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chan Banned
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@NoUcantNope</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
You Can't Block The Truth Away, Chris
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Skeevy_Pharmz</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
NOOOOL
| Created on 27 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GetsAwayWithIt</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Joshua Wise: The hero That CWCville Needs
| Created on 14 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Buy_My_Blanket</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Chan, the Mom-Punching Floor-Sh*tter
| Created on 15 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Mom_Puncher</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
The Blue-Armed Meanie
| Created on 15 July 2018
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@HNNNNNNNGGGGG</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
HOLY SHIT CHRIS CHAN IS SO FUCKING MAD!
| Created on 22 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GrubbyGrabHands</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Chan's Comin' to Grope You
| Created on 26 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BroniesBeware</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Weekend at Chris Chan's
| Created on 26 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BadBadTouches</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Beware of Chris Chan
| Created on 27 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@starvingnalone</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Barb Chandler, back at the house starving
| Created on 27 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@FilthAndFlies</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
The Garbage House at 14 Branchland Court
| Created on 27 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@NoGala4CWC</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Chan Vs The Velvet Rope
| Created on 28 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@NoCWCallowed</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
The Grand Galloping CWC-Free Gala
| Created on 28 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BAWWWWWWWW</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
No Gala For Chris Chan
| Created on 28 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Me_Want_Woman</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Chan's Bathroom Adventure
| Created on 29 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@yayKarma</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Satanic Mechanic
| Created on 29 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@bronycons</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
No More BronyCons for Chris Chan
| Created on 29 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@NullEat</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
EatMyAssNull
| Created on 30 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Righteous4CWC</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Richard Righteous
| An unusual sock where he strawmans a [[white knight]] of Chris. Created on 31 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@acheekiebreekie</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
C͕̥̕ͅR͏̗̳͍A͓͍͔̜̟͢P̹̟̼̭̤͜ͅ ͍͈͈͜C̫͎͞H̷̤͓̼̥ͅÁ̵͏̣̜N͘͘
| Created on 1 August 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CwcSaga</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CWC's Homeless Saga
| Created on 10 August 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@yumadbruhhhhh</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
King Buddole I
| Created on 4 November 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@chan_again</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
ChrisChanLiesAgain
| Created on 12 November 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@WeAreNotAmusedd</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Disapproving Sonichu
| Created on 14 November 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@PayUpChris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
MIDLAND LLC
| Created on 8 January 2019.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@AaaaaghhhA</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
AAAAAGHHH HATERS AAAAGGHHHH
| Created on 26 January 2019.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@AmongWitch</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Among Witch
| Created on 29 January 2019.
|}

==Notable quotes by Hirtes==
{{quote|We all know what a waste of an education was on you, Ian.|Hirtes replying to Chris' comment to Tara Strong. Surprisingly, Tara liked this reply.}}
{{quote|YOU HAVE DONE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFETIME TO EARN GOING TO THAT CONVENTION YOU LAZY NAÏVE HACK THEIF[sic]|Hirtes reacting to his trip to [[BronyCon]].}}
{{quote|Next thing you know, Chris is gonna confess that he was also [[DoopieDoOver]] all along, and we're all gonna be so gobsmacked. Chris is so smart|Hirtes sarcastically commenting over the possibility of the Doopie Saga.}}
{{quote|I feel sorry for all of the kids trapped in the same theater Fatty is going to stink up.|Hirtes' reaction to Chris and [[Jessica Quinn|Jessica]]'s upcoming movie date.}}
{{quote|Did you spit or swallow Chris' spunk after you typed that?|Hirtes' response to a critic.}}
{{quote|This is all just the calm before the storm, Fatty. When it happens, it will end you. I know how to wait. ⛈️|Hirtes' thinly-veiled threats in response to Chris enjoying himself at [[MAGfest]] 2018.}}

==Chris's view on Hirtes==
Despite the effort Hirtes put into shitposting thousands of times about Chris, Chris himself barely pays him any attention. He was asked about Hirtes for a Q&A video, in which Chris responded that he felt pity for people like that<ref name=CWCopinion></ref>. In October 2017, nearly a year into Hirtes's spam crusade, Chris tagged his Twitter handle and said<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2017_tweets#Hirtes_is_impotent</ref>:

{{quote|While your comments do come into my view, I take them with the grain of salt, and shield my emotions and mind from your spite.}}

Amusingly, Chris came to Hirtes's defense in a tweet war between the latter and a white knight, saying, "Not all people who identify as furries are bad.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2017_tweets#On_furries</ref>"

Chris shared an anecdote about Hirtes to a Planet Dolan member who had complained of being trolled by someone with multiple accounts. Chris said:

{{quote|You block one, that same one comes back behind a different mask/account. Nowadays, I just make sure I do not have notifications turned on with this kid, and let him go on.|Hirtes only makes Chris stronger<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2017_tweets#On_blocking_trolls</ref>}}

However, this reaction would not last forever as on 16 [[May 2018]], Chris called out Hirtes for his weening. This would result in a flame war between the two people. This ended with Chris subsequently blocking Hirtes' socks from his page. Despite that, Hirtes continues to make sockpuppets to this day, trying in vain to illicit the same response earlier.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:HirtesYearbookPhoto.png|Leaked high school yearbook photo of Hirtes. He is at the 2nd row and 2nd to the left.
File:NewspaperHirtes.png|Hirtes makes an appearance in the local news. "Yiff! Yiff! That's what foxes say."
File:HirtesFirstTweet.png|Hirtes's first tweet to Chris.
File:Hirtes to Nowacking.png|An example of Hirtes's work.
File:Hirtes1.png|Hirtes replies to himself and likes his own tweets with separate accounts.
File:Hirtes2.png|Laughing at his own jokes.
File:Hirtescriminal.png|Hirtes and [[the Law]].
File:HirtesMagfestMessage.png|Hirtes a-logging Chris after [[MAGfest]]
File:Virgin Hirtes vs Chad Chris Chan.png|Comparing Hirtes and Chris in meme form.
</gallery></center>

=="Fan" video==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Michael J. Hirtes
| video = {{#ev:youtube|FsfyCQzluJM}}
| stardate = 30 [[July 2018]]
| maker =Spelling Bee
}}

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://en.wikifur.com/wiki/Michael_Hirtes Hirtes's page on WikiFur]
*[https://www.iowacourts.state.ia.us/ESAWebApp/TIndexFrm Criminal search website containing Hirtes's records]
{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hirtes, Michael}}
[[Category:People]]

Michael Hirtes

2019-02-01T08:03:31Z

Herman255: Here are more socks, who most of them are likely Hirtes

:''"Totem Sanic" redirects here. For the [[Relic of Fail]], see [[Sonic Totem]].''

{{quote|Everyone has an animal inside them struggling to be free. Don't be afraid to let him out! Yiff!|Hirtes to a newspaper reporter}}

{{quote|I feel sorry for them in such pitiful conditions and whatnot. I do.|Chris, on weens like Hirtes<ref name=CWCopinion>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/CLog_10042017_-_Q%26A_1#Question_19:_About_negativity_and_hate</ref>}}

{{infobox
| title = Michael Hirtes
| image = [[Image:Hirtes.png|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Michael Jay Hirtes
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = MHirtes Slep Totem Sanic [[Michael Hirtes#Twitter sockpuppets|Various others]]
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = 16 April 1964 (age {{age|1964|4|16}})
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Male
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = [[United States|American]]
|label6 = [[Chris and race|Race]]
|data6 = White
|label11 = Occupations
|data11 = [[A-Logging|A-Log]] [[Weening|Ween]] Unemployed
}}

'''Michael Jay "Mike" Hirtes''' is a {{age|1964|4|16}}-year-old man from Council Bluffs, Iowa who has made a name for himself as both an [[A-Logging|A-Log]] and a [[weening|ween]]. Hirtes, also known as [[Kiwi Farms]] member '''Totem Sanic''', has created a multitude of [[Twitter]] accounts to follow Chris and spam him, as well as anyone he tweets to, with angry rants and accusations against him. Most of his rants against Chris consist of trite Chris memes and ''ad hominem'' attacks. Unlike the vast majority of A-Logs, including Anthony LoGatto himself, Hirtes's socks have actually been responded to by Chris, albeit rarely.

Hirtes was first discovered as a <abbr title="A lolcow first discovered as a consequence of his activity on the forum">halal</abbr> member of the Kiwi Farms, where he was outed as the operator of the Twitter account @RektByLife (since deleted), perhaps the most dedicated ween account following Chris at the time. Subsequent developments revealed that not only is Hirtes both older and more immature than Chris, but also that he, too, is [[Monthly tugboat|unemployed]], a [[Giant Penis Comic|furry]], prone to [[tard rage]], and has [[Chris and the law|gotten into trouble with the law]].<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/michael-j-mike-hirtes-mhirtes-slep-totem-sanic.32312/</ref>

==Discovery==
Many observers of Chris will have noted the presence of ween accounts in his Twitter replies for some time. However, much attention was not given to these accounts until Michael Hirtes was discovered on the [[Kiwi Farms]].

Hirtes was first called out when Farms member [https://kiwifarms.net/members/yawning-sneasel.231/ yawning sneasel] linked his Kiwi Farms account, [https://kiwifarms.net/members/michael-j-hirtes.14279/ Totem Sanic], to his @RektByLife (DaThingsIveSeen) Twitter account based on screencaps he had posted, which showed that he had the same Twitter profile picture as the one @RektByLife used. He was further incriminated when a post by him on the forums surfaced, where he praises DaThingsIveSeen for "doing GodBear's work". Furthermore, on the CWCki Club forums, user [http://cwcki.club/index.php?members/hurtful-truth-level.197/ Hurtful Truth Level] revealed that Totem Sanic had asked for credit mention for a tweet by his @EAT_SHITT_CHRIS (GIGANTIC_STRAW) account that Chris had replied to.

Hirtes subsequently complained about being banned in a forum post, which eventually culminated in his revelation as a gigantic laughing stock.<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/this-is-why-we-dont-encourage-people-to-harass-chris.32290/</ref> In response to backlash, Hirtes posted a series of angry rants against Kiwi Farms administrator Null and the forum in general on Twitter.

<center><gallery>
File:HirtesTwitter1.png|The incriminating pieces of evidence.
File:Hirtesdp.jpg|Another screencap by Hirtes showing his @RektByLife display picture.
File:Hirtescreditmention.png|Hirtes asks for "credit mention" in response to a screencap of Chris's reply to his sock's tweet.
File:HirtesSalt.png|Mad at Null and the Kiwi Farms after his discovery.
</gallery></center>

As a result, Hirtes now has [https://kiwifarms.net/threads/michael-j-mike-hirtes-mhirtes-slep-totem-sanic.32312/ his very own thread] on the Kiwi Farms.

{{clear}}

==Twitter sockpuppets==
[[File:Penny donation may 2017.jpeg|thumb|150px|From [[monthly tugboat|tugboat]] recipient to tugboat recipient.]]

On [[Twitter]], both before and after he was discovered by the [[Kiwi Farms]], Hirtes has used numerous sockpuppet accounts to reply to Chris's tweets. Most of these replies are cookie-cutter rants chastising Chris for behavior that he, too, has been shown to have exhibited, usually through the use of worn-out Chris memes and ''ad hominem'' attacks. When he is not [[tard rage|autistically screeching]] at Chris, Hirtes is often found angrily tweeting at [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]], or he makes rants about the Kiwi Farms and its users. His tweets are characterized by his usual writing style, along with a tendency to capitalize certain words (in contrast with Chris's style of only capitalizing the first letters of these words).

Hirtes sometimes uses other socks in order to reply to or like a tweet posted by one of his accounts. This is reminiscent of how Chris does the same thing with his [[NightStar2891]] account.

He donated a cent to Chris in response to the latter [[Minor Update, Handouts!|asking for no donations below a dollar]].

{{clear}}

===List of sockpuppets===
{{protip|Not all [[weening|weens]] are Hirtes. Just because they get angry over Chris on Twitter doesn't mean they should be included here.}}{| class="wikitable" style="width:100%"
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>IAmTheRealCWC</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;"|
Christian W Chandler
| Possibly Hirtes' first sock. Created on 22 July 2013.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@RektByLife</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;"|
Dathingsiveseen
| Hirtes' most well-known sock, and the one he primarily operated on prior to his discovery. Created sometime before 16 September 2016.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@S_kank_Hunt42</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;"|
SkankHuntFortyTwo
| Created on 15 November 2016
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Get_a_job_Chris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris is A MALE
| Created on 29 March 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GamestopJerkop</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Clyde Cash
| Created on 14 April 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Ghost_bob_BoOoO</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Ghost Bob
| Created on 18 April 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@shecameforcwc</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
shecameforCWC
| Created on 21 April 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@JULAYYYYYYYYYYY</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Eviction Notice
| Created on 21 April 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Nut_ward_nurse</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Pickle Man
| Created on 21 April 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CWC_Is_Ugly</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Lord_Hater
| Created on 29 April 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@LiquidClyde</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Clyde Cash
| Created on 1 May 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BRRAAAAINSSSSSS</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Zombie_Bob
| Created on 17 May 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CHRIS_IS_MALE</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Reality
| Created on 24 May 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@TROLLING_SUPER</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
TROLLING SUPER
| Created on 4 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Brute_male_CWC</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CWCs_Cumsicles
| Created on 5 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CWC_IS_A_PEDO</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Left_Side_Hater
| Created on 12 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@FUKK_U_CHRIS</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CWC_IS_MALE
| Created on 13 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@EAT_SHITT_CHRIS</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
GIGANTIC STRAW
| Created on 13 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CWC_IS_MALE</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CHRIS_IS_A_FAT_MALE
| Created on 24 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@STINKO_MANBABY</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CHRIS_CANT_STOP_ME
| Created on 27 June 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@PICKLE_RIIIIIICK</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
PICKLE_RICK
| Created on 15 July 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@FLIPPINGUDABIRD</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
BIRD_IS_THE_WORD
| Created on 19 July 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@DangDirtyTroll</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
ItsDahKrumpas
| Created on 19 July 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@YYAH_YYAH_YYAH</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Dr_Hans_Asperger
| Created on 20 July 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Nannas_4_Barb</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
FOR_THE_HOARD
| Created on 2 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Bluearmsohno</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
MUGSHOT
| Created on 4 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@PICKLE_LICKER</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
DISASTERCHU
| Created on 5 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@He_Wont_Get_Any</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CHRIS_WANTS_LUV
| Created on 5 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@VIRGINWITHRAGE</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
WANT_WOMAN
| Created on 5 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@FapToTheExtreme</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
JULAY
| Created on 6 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@PrayforSorbet</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Sorbet
| Created on 8 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@PISSANDBURN</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Karate_Cole
| Created on 8 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@silens_vigil </nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
silens vigil
| Created on 8 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CuntChan69/@TrumpChan69 </nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
TrueAndHonestChan/ChrisisTrumpson
| Only sock that changed name. Created on 10 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@ItsThisAsshole</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
MisterBungle
| Created on 16 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@MarinerSentMe</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
RepoMan
| Created on 16 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Bend0verChris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Mariner Finance
| Created on 16 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@ScrewyouChris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Coca Cola
| Created on 16 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GheyChris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Ghey Chris
| Created on 18 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CwcCats </nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Dead CWC Cats
| Created on 19 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@ChristiansDuck</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Pickle Man
| Created on 26 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@MANBABY_TANTRUM</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CHRIS_IS_MAAAAD
| Created on 27 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@YoungTrumpChan</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
BlockMeChan
| Created on 29 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Aspergercorn</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
DILDO_ON_FOREHEAD
| Created on 30 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@MariaJunice</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Leslie Barker
| Created on 30 August 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@TheRealCWC93</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Christine W Chandler
| Created on 1 November 2017.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GreedyChrisChan</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Wants Your Money
| Created on 5 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@chris_crybaby</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Crybaby Chris
| Created on 7 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@AndTheCatCameB1</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
And The Cat Came Back The Very Next Day
| Created on 17 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CHRIS_IS_DOOMED</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CHRIS_CANT_BLOCK_REALITY
| Created on 17 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@AngerJack1</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
AngerJack
| Created on 25 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GIMME_YER_MONEY</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
I_WANT_MORE_MONEYYYYYY
| Created on 26 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GOTTA_SPEND_IT</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
I_WANT_MORE_MONEYYYY
| Created on 26 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Stress_Sigh</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Blocks Me Cuz He Knows I'm Telling The Truth
| Created on 28 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Homeless_Saga</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Eviction Looms For Chris
| Created on 28 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Dimwit_Chris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Blocks, I make a new account
| Created on 28 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Pay_Up_Fatso</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CWCs_BIG_FAT_COURT_FINE
| Created on 28 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@ChrisInDenial</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
1 1/2 minutes to make a new account, Chris
| Created on 28 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BackCwc</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Bring_Back_Classic_CWC
| Created on 29 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@NNNNNNGGGGHHHHH</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
ChrisTard Meltdown
| Created on 29 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@They_Just_Dont</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
The Blocks! They Do Nothing!
| Created on 31 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@LookAtMeScowl</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Frowngrade
| Created on 31 May 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@evianwater8</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
evian water
| Created on 4 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BlocksDontWork</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Im Watching You
| Created on 14 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BLOCKSDONOTWORK</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
I GAVE YOU MY MOTHER! THERE IS NO EXCUSE!!
| Created on 21 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BlockeeNoStopee</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
IT'ZA ME! GRADUON!!
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@UMadYetChris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
I CAN DO THIS ALL DAY
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BAAAAANNNNED</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
GROPEY CHRIS GOT BANNED FROM TOOMANYGAMES
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@ChrisPerv</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
GROPEY CHRIS GOT THE BOOT
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BanDeeBanBanBan</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Banned Chris is Banned
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@WAAAAAUUUGGHHHH</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
*AUTISTIC SCREECHING*
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BannedChan</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chan Banned
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@NoUcantNope</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
You Can't Block The Truth Away, Chris
| Created on 23 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Skeevy_Pharmz</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
NOOOOL
| Created on 27 June 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GetsAwayWithIt</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Joshua Wise: The hero That CWCville Needs
| Created on 14 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Buy_My_Blanket</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Chan, the Mom-Punching Floor-Sh*tter
| Created on 15 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Mom_Puncher</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
The Blue-Armed Meanie
| Created on 15 July 2018
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@HNNNNNNNGGGGG</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
HOLY SHIT CHRIS CHAN IS SO FUCKING MAD!
| Created on 22 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@GrubbyGrabHands</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Chan's Comin' to Grope You
| Created on 26 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BroniesBeware</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Weekend at Chris Chan's
| Created on 26 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BadBadTouches</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Beware of Chris Chan
| Created on 27 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@starvingnalone</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Barb Chandler, back at the house starving
| Created on 27 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@FilthAndFlies</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
The Garbage House at 14 Branchland Court
| Created on 27 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@NoGala4CWC</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Chan Vs The Velvet Rope
| Created on 28 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@NoCWCallowed</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
The Grand Galloping CWC-Free Gala
| Created on 28 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@BAWWWWWWWW</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
No Gala For Chris Chan
| Created on 28 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Me_Want_Woman</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Chris Chan's Bathroom Adventure
| Created on 29 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@yayKarma</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Satanic Mechanic
| Created on 29 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@bronycons</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
No More BronyCons for Chris Chan
| Created on 29 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@NullEat</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
EatMyAssNull
| Created on 30 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@Righteous4CWC</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Richard Righteous
| An unusual sock where he strawmans a [[white knight]] of Chris. Created on 31 July 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@acheekiebreekie</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
C͕̥̕ͅR͏̗̳͍A͓͍͔̜̟͢P̹̟̼̭̤͜ͅ ͍͈͈͜C̫͎͞H̷̤͓̼̥ͅÁ̵͏̣̜N͘͘
| Created on 1 August 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@CwcSaga</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
CWC's Homeless Saga
| Created on 10 August 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@yumadbruhhhhh</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
King Buddole I
| Created on 4 November 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@chan_again</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
ChrisChanLiesAgain
| Created on 12 November 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@WeAreNotAmusedd</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Disapproving Sonichu
| Created on 14 November 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>chan_again</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
ChrisChanLiesAgain
| Created on 16 November 2018.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@PayUpChris</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
MIDLAND LLC
| Created on 8 January 2019.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@AaaaaghhhA</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
AAAAAGHHH HATERS AAAAGGHHHH
| Created on 26 January 2019.
|-
| style="padding: 10px;"| <nowiki>@AmongWitch</nowiki>
! style="padding: 5px;" |
Among Witch
| Created on 29 January 2019.
|}

==Notable quotes by Hirtes==
{{quote|We all know what a waste of an education was on you, Ian.|Hirtes replying to Chris' comment to Tara Strong. Surprisingly, Tara liked this reply.}}
{{quote|YOU HAVE DONE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFETIME TO EARN GOING TO THAT CONVENTION YOU LAZY NAÏVE HACK THEIF[sic]|Hirtes reacting to his trip to [[BronyCon]].}}
{{quote|Next thing you know, Chris is gonna confess that he was also [[DoopieDoOver]] all along, and we're all gonna be so gobsmacked. Chris is so smart|Hirtes sarcastically commenting over the possibility of the Doopie Saga.}}
{{quote|I feel sorry for all of the kids trapped in the same theater Fatty is going to stink up.|Hirtes' reaction to Chris and [[Jessica Quinn|Jessica]]'s upcoming movie date.}}
{{quote|Did you spit or swallow Chris' spunk after you typed that?|Hirtes' response to a critic.}}
{{quote|This is all just the calm before the storm, Fatty. When it happens, it will end you. I know how to wait. ⛈️|Hirtes' thinly-veiled threats in response to Chris enjoying himself at [[MAGfest]] 2018.}}

==Chris's view on Hirtes==
Despite the effort Hirtes put into shitposting thousands of times about Chris, Chris himself barely pays him any attention. He was asked about Hirtes for a Q&A video, in which Chris responded that he felt pity for people like that<ref name=CWCopinion></ref>. In October 2017, nearly a year into Hirtes's spam crusade, Chris tagged his Twitter handle and said<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2017_tweets#Hirtes_is_impotent</ref>:

{{quote|While your comments do come into my view, I take them with the grain of salt, and shield my emotions and mind from your spite.}}

Amusingly, Chris came to Hirtes's defense in a tweet war between the latter and a white knight, saying, "Not all people who identify as furries are bad.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2017_tweets#On_furries</ref>"

Chris shared an anecdote about Hirtes to a Planet Dolan member who had complained of being trolled by someone with multiple accounts. Chris said:

{{quote|You block one, that same one comes back behind a different mask/account. Nowadays, I just make sure I do not have notifications turned on with this kid, and let him go on.|Hirtes only makes Chris stronger<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/October_2017_tweets#On_blocking_trolls</ref>}}

However, this reaction would not last forever as on 16 [[May 2018]], Chris called out Hirtes for his weening. This would result in a flame war between the two people. This ended with Chris subsequently blocking Hirtes' socks from his page. Despite that, Hirtes continues to make sockpuppets to this day, trying in vain to illicit the same response earlier.

==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
File:HirtesYearbookPhoto.png|Leaked high school yearbook photo of Hirtes. He is at the 2nd row and 2nd to the left.
File:NewspaperHirtes.png|Hirtes makes an appearance in the local news. "Yiff! Yiff! That's what foxes say."
File:HirtesFirstTweet.png|Hirtes's first tweet to Chris.
File:Hirtes to Nowacking.png|An example of Hirtes's work.
File:Hirtes1.png|Hirtes replies to himself and likes his own tweets with separate accounts.
File:Hirtes2.png|Laughing at his own jokes.
File:Hirtescriminal.png|Hirtes and [[the Law]].
File:HirtesMagfestMessage.png|Hirtes a-logging Chris after [[MAGfest]]
File:Virgin Hirtes vs Chad Chris Chan.png|Comparing Hirtes and Chris in meme form.
</gallery></center>

=="Fan" video==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Michael J. Hirtes
| video = {{#ev:youtube|FsfyCQzluJM}}
| stardate = 30 [[July 2018]]
| maker =Spelling Bee
}}

==References==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://en.wikifur.com/wiki/Michael_Hirtes Hirtes's page on WikiFur]
*[https://www.iowacourts.state.ia.us/ESAWebApp/TIndexFrm Criminal search website containing Hirtes's records]
{{People}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hirtes, Michael}}
[[Category:People]]

2018

2018-10-19T01:33:56Z

Herman255:

[[File:1524949048.trailofsevens sonichuchrischan.jpg|thumb|300px|Chris in 2018.]]
{{Ongoing}}
'''2018''' is the tenth year of organized [[troll]]ing.

==January==
[[File:End games jan2018.jpg|thumb|Chris in January]]
{{main|January 2018}}

After hearing a rumor of a panel dedicated to him, Chris decided to travel to D.C. to attend to [[MAGfest]]. Not only was he correct, but he also received a surprisingly warm welcome. He was still under the influence of the infamous [[Idea Guy]], declaring the marriage of [[Mewtwo]] and [[Magi-Chan]] and [[Smashing|smashing a doll on camera]] under the belief that it was bugged by Nazis. The Idea Guy was finally doxed on January 22, revealed to be Kiwi Farms user Joshua Wise. More information was leaked about the Idea Guy, including fake news clips, audio recordings, and what appears to be unfinished works for [[Sonichu 16|''Sonichu'' #16]]. There were also apologies to [[Alec Benson Leary]] and [[Michael Snyder]]. More of [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]] was uploaded. Chris also [[C-Log_01312018_-_Selling_my_Older_Pokémon_Cards_for_my_mother’s_teeth|tried to sell his old Pokémon cards]], ostensibly to fix [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]]'s teeth.

==February==
[[File:UFS Binder Ebay Listing Photo 002.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in February 2018]]

{{main|February 2018}}

In February, Chris tried selling on [[Lulu]] again and sold [[Damaged original art for sale|damaged art]] for $100. He continued to debate "[[Chris and reality|reality]] cartoons" with [[Bryanfrogboy]], and [[Chris's birthday|turned 36]]. Other than these, this month saw very little activity from Chris.

==March==
[[File:Our signatures00001.png|thumb|Mother and daughter, March 2018]]
{{main|March 2018}}
This month mostly consisted of Chris selling items on eBay. These include a scalped ticket, bootleg ''Pokémon'' cartridges and Cole's old comics. Towards the end of March, Chris made reference to finding not one, but two sweethearts. To top the month off, Chris got arrested for [[Chris and the Law#2018|trespassing after forbidden]] and revealed [[CWC Ancestry|his true ancestry]].

==April==
[[File:Chris on a treadmill.jpg|thumb|left|Chris on a treadmill, April 2018]]
{{main|April 2018}}
April was a surprisingly turbulent month for several reasons. He revealed to the public that he is now a [[April_2018_social_media_posts#I.27m_bisexual|bisexual]]. His need for money became even more desperate, as he made begging videos and took [[April 2018 Paid Video Requests|paid video requests]] again. His desperation reached its peak when he began to sell the [[Amnyfest Ring]] and [[Dick Licker; that is I.|licked two penis drawings on the wall]] so a customer will buy them. Chris was also in contact by [[Weening|two aspiring trolls]]. One tried to [[With Apologies to Mister Resident|impersonate as a former PVCC professor, driven mad by him]]. Another [[I have been paid to go; we’ll see if I can go (Seriously To Be Determined)|paid for his]] [[BronyCon]] fees [[Autism|so he can earn fame]].

==May==
{{main|May 2018}}
[[File:I need some local C64 Tech Help, Please00001.png|thumb|Chris's new husband and wife, taped to the ceiling.]]
While not as turbulent as April, combined with a drop in [[Patreon]] donations and increased presence of weens, especially from [[Michael Hirtes]], Chris reached a breaking point, lashing out at anyone trying to interact with him and posting [[I Am Sick of the HATE!!! (I could use a break)|a video regarding the drama]]. Chris would then reveal his two sweethearts, Cryzel Rosechu and [[Magi-Chan]]. Later on, he would resume his work on [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]] to recoup his losses. Tragedy would strike in the Chandler household as [[Chandler Cats|Sorbet and Pollo]] would go MIA and die of natural causes respectively. At the end of the month, Chris would meet [[Copitz]], where they would make a video together.

==June==
[[File:JULAY! autograph.jpg|thumb|left|Sold in June 2018]]
{{main|June 2018}}
Chris was interviewed by [[Count Dankula]] and continued to sell junk, including [[:File:JULAY! autograph.jpg|an autographed photo]] with JULAY! written on it. He attended [[Too Many Games]], and was [[ban|thrown out]] for touching attendees inappropriately.

==July==

{{main|July 2018}}

[[File:CWC_4th_of_July_2018.jpg|thumb|Fourth of Julay, 2018]]
Chris's March trespass case was finalized, with no apparent punishment. [[Null]] leaked [[Cryzel Torture]], revealing just how fucked up [[Idea Guy|Joshua]] and Stephen Boyd's torment of Chris was. He also revealed that they had scammed him out of [[money|six thousand dollars]].

Chris finished [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]], insisted that his magic powers were real, and attended [[BronyCon]].

==August==
[[File:CWCfaceAugust2018.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in August 2018, freckled after spending time in the sun for once.]]
{{main|August 2018}}
Chris released [[The Awakening of a CPU|a brief comic]] about the [[Idea Guy]]'s corruption of the Sonichu 'verse. He [[Shoe Colouring|colored his shoes]], and forced [[Barbara]] to make several begging videos selling [[Barbara Chandler will be making out autographed photos and posters.|photographs, posters]] and [[Barbara’s Blankets|blankets]].

==September==
[[File:CWC Discord1.jpg|thumb|Chris in Sept 2018]]
{{main|September 2018}}
A quiet month, except for a [[September 2018 social media posts|revealing Twitter rant about Barb]]. Chris also became preoccupied with Bowsette, and was [[Financhu Crisis|sued for debt]].

==October==
{{main|October 2018}}
{{timeline}}

Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash

2017-05-08T07:03:30Z

Herman255:

"'''Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash'''", uploaded on 19 [[January 2009]], is the first of several videos in which [[Christian Weston Chandler]] responds to threats of revenge by [[Clyde Cash]]. It's not clear from the video what Clyde has threatened to do, but Christian is clearly concerned that Clyde will torture and kill the people he loves. Christian attempts to talk him down by assuring him that he'll get over [[Ryan Cash]]'s death by finding a girlfriend and by noting Christian himself didn't try to torture anyone when his dog died. His [[Creepy stare|dead fish expression]] is extremely pronounced in this video, which makes his apology seem even more insincere.

At one point in the video Chris is obviously confused as to which one of the Cash brothers committed a [[Sonichu]]-inspired suicide, and which one is promising to make his life a living hell. It's an easy mistake to make.

==Description==
{{quotebox|Clyde, you do not NEED to disguise yourself as me to make your OWN PERSONAL CLAIMS of YOURSELF doing that.}}

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash
| video = {{#ev:youtube|iKh465Lugo8}}
| stardate = 19 [[January 2009]]
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}
| shirt = {{ClassicShirt|text}}
| previous = [[CWC Update 18 January 2009#Video|CWC Update 18 January 2009]]
| next = [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009#Video|Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009]]
}}
{{quote|You'll get over it}}

=== Transcript ===

I'm addressing this video to [[Clyde Cash]], older brother of [[Ryan Cash|Ryan]], who, uh, s—who [[Chris and English|sadfully commi—committed suicide upon himself]] when I... made the idle threat to, uh, stop my—stop doing my comics in, uh, protest of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page.

[''winces''] Clyde, I'm sorry your brother died, but that doesn't mean you have to go pickin' on me for the cause of his death, because... I did not do any—I did not do it personally to him, and I did not ''mean'' to do it. I'm just an—I'm just an innocent bystander in all this. Even though... I gave him the reason. I'm sorry. You don't have to do anything mean. I mean, would Cly—would... Clyde. Would Ryan want you to go... killi—would Ryan want you to doin' anything stupid as torturing other people or even go as far as killing them? You don't have to do this. [[Chris and death|Just live on your life and move on]]. You'll find yourself a girlfriend! And she'll make you about as—she'll make you happier than... possibly how, uh, Ryan could have done it. You don't have to go off killing people. You don't have to harm anybody, emotionally or physically. Just take some deep breaths... some time to yourself. Maybe find yourself, uh...shoot, what's the wor—find yourself a [[Rocky|counselor at your local church]] that you can talk to. And, uh, hopefully, you'll feel better.

I mean, I feel for you, man. I mean, I've had people die on—die on me somet—some—a few times before, and I went to their funerals. But I didn't—I did not want to go off torturing and killing anybody in response. I just basically waited out for my sad emotions to, uh... eventually fade away and you know I did get better from that. I mean, my [[Patti Chandler|dog]] died. I was sad. I cried for weeks. But yet [[Patti-Chan|I got over it]]. I saw my—I saw Patti in my dreams. And she reassured me that thing were—that she was okay, and that God is taking good care of her. And with that I'm—I was able to move on, live my life a little bit more happier and more luckily. Been ov—been over a year—been over two years now since she died.

Clyde, you do ''not'' have to do anything rash or drastic. [[The Game Place|Just move on.]] You'll find a lot of other things that make about AS or greater than happy as you were with, uh, Ryan around. Just take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. You'll get over it. Peace, mon.

==See also==
*[[Chris and death]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC Update 18 January 2009]]|nextlink=[[Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009]]|}}
{{Troll Videos}}

{{Clyde Saga}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2009-01-19]]

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, January 2009| 2009-01-19]]
[[Category:Clyde Cash Saga videos| 2009-01-19]]

Chris and the law

2017-03-09T18:53:11Z

Herman255:

{{DeadLinks}}
{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:116-CWCCop.jpg|thumb|Chris always keeps a watchful eye out for criminal scum who would dare steal his already-stolen characters.]]

'''Laws''' are rules established by a society to protect its members and ensure the orderly function of society. Their observance is usually maintained by [[Jerkop|law enforcement]] and penalties are placed on those who disobey the laws.

For [[Chris]], however, these just serve as another deterrent in his endless [[Love Quest|quest]] for [[china]] and a weapon with which to threaten his real and supposed enemies.

As of 2017, Chris has six misdemeanors - three from hitting [[Michael Snyder]] with his car, one from macing the [[Yellow-Shirted Foe]] and two from failing to acquire proper tags for his dogs.

==Understanding==
{{quote|I have been giving him reasons since the police came in June of [[2008]], and nothing has sunken into that [[Hello, Juffalo|clown head]] of his.|[[Michael Snyder]]<ref><s>[http://www.youtube.com/all_comments?v=6odVsyr3I40]</s> (the video is fine, but that comment is no longer present as of Jun 2014)</ref>}}

[[Image:Impliedshooting.jpg|thumb|left|Violence is [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic Chris]]'s usual solution to law enforcement.]]

Like his grip on [[Chris and reality|reality]], Chris's understanding of the law is tenuous at best, and dangerously [[naïve]] at worst. Chris legitimately believes trolling is illegal. He regularly threatens internet [[trolls]] with legal action, and makes no distinction in severity between a troll [[Ivy Q&A|threatening violence]] against Chris and a troll uploading a harmless picture of [[Rosechu]] with a [[pickle]] to the Internet. As a matter of fact, Chris himself is prone to making [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|extremely violent threats]], such as [[Sign Destruction Video|threatening to murder]] [[Vivian Gee]] and her entire family because of her creating the [[audiobooks]]. He's done everything from calling the police to convincing his father to write to then-President [[George W. Bush]] in an attempt to get rid of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page. He has even poorly attempted to impersonate the President in a hilarious attempt to convince the trolls at ED to take down his page,<ref><s>http://encyclopediadramatica.se/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=prev&oldid=1997405266</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)</ref> and has attempted to contact current President, [[Barack Obama]], to stop people from posting gay ads. Chris also believes that the laws in [[CWCville]] and the laws stated in ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' should be enforced ''in real life.''<ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!]]</ref>

Chris himself doesn't have much respect for laws and rules, particularly when [[Chris and hypocrisy|their enforcement inconveniences him]]. During his time at [[Target]], he saw nothing wrong with exploiting the free refill policy and loitering for hours at a time in a privately-owned establishment while harassing female customers and apparently [[Attraction Sign|soliciting hanky-panky]]. Chris often remarks that his [[Virgin with rage|emotional state]] entirely justifies his actions, stating in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]] that he should be excused for disturbing the peace by literally screaming "NOOOOOOO!" loudly in the middle of a crowded mall.<ref>[[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"]]</ref>

Self-contradictory as ever, though, Chris's disregard of many laws does not stop him from rigidly observing others, often with completely skewed priority: In [[Sonichu Special 4]], his cartoon avatar makes a point of obeying the speed limit - while on his way to confront [[Liquid Chris]] and assault him with a [[Megatron pistol|deadly weapon]]. In a [[May 2010]] video, Chris states that he believes a man who brutally beat his girlfriend to death with his bare hands deserved twenty years in prison for his crimes, which is just twice the penalty he wants for [[Tobacky|smoking one cigarette]].<ref>[[05142010]]</ref>

In addition, Chris has very little respect for those who enforce the law:

{{quote|Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off.|Excerpt from Chris's [[CWC's Diary|diary]]}}

The above quote pretty much defines Chris's attitude towards law enforcement officials. He feels that it is completely appropriate to flip off, insult, and [[lie]] to people who are simply doing their jobs. And, of course, as any rational person would understand, running away from law enforcement officials is a seriously bad idea. Chris is truly a rebel without a cause (or effect).

The correspondence with Jackie revealed that in the trial on the Target incident, Chris thought that his work with the [[The GAMe PLACe#Chris the TCG gamer|Pokémon TCG League]] let him off the hook.<ref>[[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris lies about The Game Place]]</ref> In reality, the court probably acquitted him either on a technicality or insufficient evidence. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting", whereas the actual charge was "Disorderly Conduct"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his [[Love Quest]] efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

Of interesting note, is that contrary to Chris's [[Women's rights|general]] [[Homos|political]] [[Niggos|views]], he seems to be in favor - or at least accepting of - gun control legislation.<ref>[[A Public Announcement for Congress]]</ref> Whether or not he has a firm understanding of what he's saying, we'll likely never know.

Interestingly, Chris seems to have a ''very'' skewed view of the idea of "self-defense", which is exemplified with the acquisition of pepper spray. Pepper spray, like most defensive weapons, should be used as a last resort, to keep people from attacking you. As seen with the [[26 December 2014|GameStop attacks]], Chris uses it as a means to keep anyone he doesn't like away. Using that event as an example, the man he sprayed wasn't even near him and Chris decided to spray a quick spritz on his chest without any provocation. It got worse when, days later, he began a commotion in a [[Walmart]] using the device. To Chris, it's the ultimate troll and Jerkop deterrent, when in actuality, he's waving around assault charges on a stick.

==Legal troubles==
The following is a list of incident Chris had with the law. This list may not be complete; in a telephone conversation with [[Ivy]] in 2009, [[Bob]] told her that Chris had in the past six or seven incidents with the law,<ref>[[Ivy Q&A#The end]]</ref> and yet this article lists only three incidents that precede 2010.

===2004===
On [[Twin Falling Towers|11 September]] [[2004]], Chris was detained at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] for loitering, and continually arguing with the staff over a number of months. The incident is depicted in [[Sub-Episode 1]]. Chris was banned from returning to the mall on his own and without his parents' company. However, it appears that this ban was lifted or ignored soon afterward.

===2005===
On 20 July [[2005]], Chris was charged with disorderly conduct<ref name="2005 Disorderly Conduct">[[:File:20050720-GC05009339-00.png|Disorderly conduct charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref> and trespassing<ref name="2005 Trespassing">[[:File:20050720-GC05009340-00.png|Trespassing charge, 20 July 2005]]</ref> at Target, as depicted in [[Sub-Episode 7]] and [[Sub-Episode 8]]. After 2 hearings,<ref name="2005 Disorderly Conduct" /><ref name="2005 Trespassing" /> prosecutors chose to drop the case and Chris was not punished.

5 days later, Chris caused an auto accident when he followed another car too closely and rear-ended it. This went to court on 12 September 2005.<ref name="2005 Following Too Close">[[:File:20050728-GT05011195-00.png|Following too close, 28 July 2005]]</ref> He was fined $30 and had to pay $56 in court costs.

===2010===
Chris's various run-ins at [[The GAMe PLACe]] have resulted in the cops being called on him a couple times. At least once after Chris called in his parents after he was initially banned from the location and tried to weasel his way back in, and again when he trespassed on the property, though he wasn't charged with anything on either occasion.<ref>[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]</ref>

On 4 [[June 2010]], Chris made yet another pilgrimage to The GAMe PLACe. Chris was armed with his camera, and while Mike was concerned that Chris wanted pictures of his daughter for [[Mass debating|disturbing reasons]], Chris maintains that he merely wanted a picture of Mike [[Death threats|for use as]] [[CWC is Angry|a dartboard]]--still disturbing, but in entirely different ways. Chris was caught in the parking lot despite trying to run away, and was questioned by the police, who made him delete the pictures he had taken, and basically told him to quit his shit. Chris made his [[6 June 2010]] video in response to these events.

===2011===
In a [[May 2011]] [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] post, Chris said that he has begun to use the ladies' restroom at his local mall while dressed in drag; he recounts an incident in which ''"a woman complains and tattles on me, and a [[JERK|stereotypical Brute male]] shouts me out. I felt embarassed. [sic] When in skirt, I am still gonna go to the Ladies, because there is no goin' back for me."'' This supposed brute male may or may not have been with mall security.

In his [[Calling Out|3 new videos]] posted after an 8-month-long hiatus from YouTube he tries to do something which some viewers of ''The Chandler Show'' believe to be blackmail. Chris admitted it by typing word ''blackmail'' in tags for last of them; however trolls hoping for a lawsuit [[saga]] shouldn't get their hopes up, because it's unlikely any of the trolls threatened by it would want to report him, given that they've all been trying to get him back onto the internet for months and wouldn't want to drive him off again. Not to mention Chris probably doesn't have anything on them at all. Note that under Virginia law, his demands are more likely to be considered extortion (still a class five felony) rather than blackmail.

In the same video, Chris also point blank accused Mike of molesting his own daughter, all while admitting that he doesn't have any concrete proof of his allegation. Given how prone he is to accusing others of slandering him (like pointing out his bad qualities that are extremely evident to everyone but Chris), Chris's accusations are very hypocritical. If Mike did want to sue Chris in civil court, he would indeed have a case against him as Chris's allegations are textbook defamation. However, it's questionable what Snyder would win in litigation, aside from a [[PlayStation 3]] and numerous children's [[toys]].

On [[28 October 2011]], Chris ended up in the worst possible scenario, netting a felony charge and 2 misdemeanors in what appears to be a ''3rd'' attempt to enter the GAMe PLACe, although all charges were reduced to misdemeanors upon sentencing.

As a direct result of his 28 October 2011 run in with Michael Snyder, Chris had found both himself and [[Barb|his mother]] on the receiving end of a civil suit. Having been sentenced to community service and put under a probation, and being charged with paying Snyder's medical bills, this may very well have been the first time that he has felt ramifications for his accusations and threats. However, it is much more likely that he simply [[Chris and his Ego|doesn't care]], or still feels as if he were the [[Kick the Autistic|real victim]] in all of this.

===2012===
[[File:Card.PNG|thumb]]

On 4 [[February 2012]], it was revealed on his [[Facebook]] that Chris no longer has respect for ''any'' sort of law enforcement after the events of 28 October 2011, officially deeming everyone who upholds the law a Jerkop. At the same time, he revealed another encounter with the boys in blue that day. As he attempted to pass out fliers while at the mall, encouraging others to stay away from the GAMe PLACe, two Jerkops (or as Chris puts it, "a Jerkop and an accomplice") approached him. Despite the officers simply wanting to talk to him and letting him know he wasn't in any trouble, Chris's paranoia kicked in and he ran. While the story Chris gives seem to hint that the officers just wanted to tell him to knock off the distribution of fliers, Chris believed otherwise, citing that one of them called out his name and making him think they wanted to post another encounter with him on the Internet. He escaped by diving into a Mitsubishi, most likely replacing the dying piece of scrap that is [[Son-Chu]], and driving off.

On 12 [[April 2012]], Chris [[Virgin with rage#No longer a virgin (No word on the rage)|announced the loss of his virginity]], giving off strong hints that he had slept with a hired prostitute. He all but [[Facebook#Hey.2C_Trollies|confirmed this]] on 1 May, when he said that he 'found her on the backpage', most likely meaning that he found it on the website Backpage.com, a Craiglist clone that also solicits prostitutes--Chris's prostitute was codenamed [[Mia Hamm]], as seen on the website. In the state of Virginia, this constitutes a Class 1 Misdemeanor and is therefore illegal. It is unknown whether or not Chris is aware of this, but it's very likely that if he is, he simply doesn't care.

On 28 April 2012, Chris revealed another incident in the mall. Prior to his Facebook note on 30 [[March 2012]], Chris got into a shouting match with a troll on his cell phone at the mall. The shouting did not go unnoticed, and Chris bolted once security was called in. On 25 April, Chris received a ban from the mall,<ref>[[Facebook#Maniacal Laughter from Who now? Oh, wait, It Is ME! >8D]]</ref> though it is unknown if it was for that incident or an incident that happened between those two dates.

On 10 [[July 2012]], Chris was arraigned in court for the 28 October 2011 incident. After calling Snyder a "thieving liar" in the courtroom, Chris was sentenced to community service and put under a one-year probation. He was also ordered to pay Snyder's medical bills.

===2013===

In September 2013, Chris committed an act of vandalism (an arrestable offense) by defacing a [[HEXbox]] One display at a Walmart, but got off easy by merely just being banned from the store. Given his furious reaction to this and his track record with a certain store owner who also did the same, it remains to be seen if Chris would follow up on his threat to have his revenge. Also, much like his tantrum at the [[Fashion Square Mall]] in 2005, Chris was also confronted by a jerkop at a local restaurant after scratching a woman's car with his, and screaming out loud in public. Chris claimed he was [[Chris and religion|cursing God for all his misfortune recently]].

===2014===

On 29 [[March 2014]], a report surfaced on the [[CWCki Forums]] saying that earlier that month Chris has been spotted trying to steal merchandise from [[Best Buy]]. The next day Chris denied the truthfulness of the report, but [[Kim]] confirmed that the attempted shoplifting had indeed occurred.<ref>[[March 2014 Facebook Posts#Rumour]]</ref>

On [[26 December 2014]], Chris vandalized a Sonic Boom display in GameStop in the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] and was forced out due to a previous ban, but not before he attacked a staff member with pepper spray who was calling security. By the 28th, he was confirmed to have been jailed.

===2015===
Thoughout most of 2015 Chris behaved himself, presumably because his sojourn to the jailhouse was fresh in his memory. His punishment for the pepper spray incident was eventually decided (after '''seven''' hearings) in October - a very light sentence of a three-figure fine and a six-month prison sentence that he won't have to serve unless he breaks the law again during probation.

===2016===
<center><gallery>
File:Dogcourtcase2.png|Chris fined - No county dog tag 2
File:Dogcourtcase1.png|Chris fined - No rabies certificate 2
</gallery></center>

In August, Chris was fined $121 by Greene County for two charges, each misdemeanors, of failing to acquire dog tag and rabies licenses for his dogs.

In November, Chris made several death threats against president-elect [[Pmurt|Trump]]. He is blissfully unaware that threatening the president or president-elect is one of the few restrictions on freedom of speech in America, and could land Chris with a fine and/or up to five years in prison.

==Chris's parents and law==

It's not hard to figure out why Chris thinks the law should serve him and him alone. His parents, too, have the same problem.

* When Chris was thrown out of the [[Wikipedia:Cub Scouting (Boy Scouts of America)|Cub Scouts]] after an [[autism|unknown incident]], his parents attempted to sue the [[Wikipedia:Boy Scouts of America|Boy Scouts of America]] for [[Kick the Autistic|discrimination]].<ref>[[Mailbag 18]]</ref>
* When Chris threw a tantrum that required him to be restrained, Bob attempted to ''sue the school for restraining him''.<ref><s>[http://208.210.219.132/stars/mainmenu.jsp;jsessionid=0000XHMY2MEVFIV0HN4N1CX0EQA:ulnfn1uq], case 0438-94-2</s> (dead link as of Jun 2014)</ref>
* When [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] took a picture of Chris and uploaded it to the Internet, Chris's parents threatened them with legal action (but as usual never followed through).
* When [[Snorlax]] thought she had indigestion, she acted like she was going to sue the Chinese establishment the food came from. When it turned out to be [[Wikipedia:colitis|colitis]], she dropped the subject.
* When Barb and Bob had their absurd case against Greene County used against them, their first reaction was to run to another county.<ref>[[Greene County Conspiracy]]</ref>
* When [[Alec]] called the Chandler household posing as [[The GAMe PLACe]] employee Matthew Noble, [[Borb]] claimed that taking pictures of somebody without their knowledge or consent was "not illegal." This came after threatening to sue Mimms and Lucas for doing exactly that.<ref name="Matthew Noble call">[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref>
* During that same call, Bob simply won't have a bar of the concept that an individual can be prohibited from private property, saying, "it's a business place," which has absolutely no bearing on private property laws.<ref name="Matthew Noble call"/>
* On 28 October 2011, Barb was arrested for not only fleeing the scene of an accident, but also felony assault on a police officer, a crime that a remotely sensible person would never commit due to the serious consequences attached to it (mandatory minimum of six months' imprisonment on conviction); however, the recent death of her husband, her age, her bad health and her hopeless, dependent clod of a son seem to have helped earn her some clemency.
*On 10 [[July 2012]], Barb was arraigned in court for her participation in the 28 October 2011 incident. She was sentenced to community service and served a two year probation.

<center><gallery>
File:Barb discover bank result.png|Discover Bank vs Barb
File:Barb vs Capital One Bank result.png|Capital One Bank vs Barb
</gallery></center>

*On 19 [[February 2016]], Barb was sued by Discover Bank for unpaid debt. The judgement stated that the owes $4,706.93 and $56 in court costs.
*On 4 [[August 2016]], Barb was sued by Capital One Bank for the same reason. She owes $15,906.99, plus $56 in court costs.

==Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws==
[[Image:AL cover.gif|thumb|Where Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws come from.]]
Chris believes the police in real life are corrupt, and sees them in the same light as he sees the Jerkops in his comic- the Jerkops act as a stand-in for police who wronged him, and are portrayed as being impostors with no legal authority (probably indicating that Chris does not recognize real policemen as legitimate authority). In light of these things, Chris has his own spin on the law. The penalties for [[Alcohol|drinking]], smoking and internet harassment involve physical violence including a "Kick in the Teeth" which Chris inexplicably portrays as a punch in the first and only of his supposed series of Q&A videos.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008|the only one]]</ref>

On 31 [[December 2009]], Chris orated about a law he wanted made in order to prevent [[Jack Thaddeus]] from using the ad space he paid for:

{{quote|I Have The Instinct, and I Have Already [[CWC-ism|Snail-Mailed]] President Barack Obama on how this sort of bad advertisement is going on and how it is Wrong and should be made Illegal. On HOW if the Main Captain does not WANT or IS OFFENDED with the listed Ads within his own Website or Works, REGARDLESS of who controls the AdSpace, WOULD REMOVE THOSE ADS or face JAILTIME. And the F.B.I. would be FULLY INVOLVED in all this, and THEY have the Power, Tools and Balls to seek, hunt down and bring in the Individual Internet Trolls and Ad-Spammers.|Chris}}

As one can see, Chris is seeking the direct intervention of the president of his country and beseeching him to [[Chris and reality|outlaw advertisements he doesn't like.]] Aside from the fact that Obama himself couldn't have done anything about this, the fact is that Chris was mandated by law to display the ads Jack paid to display. Chris should have written to his congressman about this rather than the president, but either way he would have received no response.

This attitude is also reflected on his relationship with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[2003|More than a decade ago]], she put a stop to Chris [[Love Quest#Conflicts with Mary Lee Walsh|soliciting sex]] on her campus. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|War ensued]] and Chris received a well-deserved [[Autism papers|time-out]] for [[Chris and anger|his behaviour]]. Six years later, in [[2009]], Chris decided it was time to make peace. He went to her office and left her a [[:File:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|"Framed Hand-Drawn Apology"]] on her doorstep.<ref>[[One Blessing, and One Curse|out of the blue]]</ref> Her reaction was to file a trespassing notice. Chris disastrously believed that since he didn't read the letter and returned it to sender, he wasn't liable for it.<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref> Thankfully, Chris didn't trespass again.

[[Mailbag 55]] posits a few more original laws: one, that it should be illegal for [[JERKS|men]] to ever show their [[Reldnahc|bare chest]] (because, according to Chris, no one in the entire world ever wants to see a man's bare chest, presumably disregarding [[women]], [[Homos|gay men]] and boxing enthusiasts), and two, he wants to [[Women's rights|force all women]] in any kind of relationship to wear rings (purely for his own benefit of course), thus defeating all symbolism and significance of them.

In the aftermath of distancing himself from the Internet, Chris began to formulate a new law, the "Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing," starting with his second [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote]], [[Don'tGetTrolled!]]. The details are unknown, but Chris essentially wants to make so that online, nobody can ever speak negatively of anybody else under threat of prosecution. There do exist laws against cyber-crime and online harassment but these laws vary by country (and concern rather more serious deeds than drawing [[Rosechu]] with a dick), and so even if Chris's law were somehow implemented federally, only his fellow USA residents would actually be held accountable. Chris is failing to comprehend that people besides Americans use the internet, or worse, assuming the entire world can be held to the USA's laws.

==In the comic==
[[File:0862-Cwcville11.JPG|right|thumb|[[CWCville]] used to have a police station, but no more.]]
The law, such as it is, in the comics is a horrifying totalitarianism where anybody anywhere is subject to the whims of a dictator. In CWCville, Chris is "mayor" (read: god-king) and has banned a number of things in his city. Smoking or drinking alcohol would lead one to be either sentenced to ten years in prison or a US$1,500 fine (which Chris [[Chris and Money|considers an equally bad punishment]]. CWCville has its own currency (despite being nothing more than a small city) and why fines are levied in USD is unknown.<ref name="Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008">[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> Importing tobacco or alcohol incurs a greater punishment than murder or rape.<ref name="Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008"/> However, it should be noted that Chris [[Rollin' and Trollin'|repealed the law against alcohol]] in [[June 2009]].

The Rosechus often congregate to "protest" for women's rights. These protests usually involve nudity and/or pornography. They campaign for basic, archaic things like eligibility to vote, suggesting Chris (or one of his predecessors) has imposed discriminating laws against women in CWCville.

It is never clear whether or not CWCville is legally a part of the United States (and thus subject to its federal laws) as Chris characteristically sends mixed messages a lot - some things are distinctly American (the aforementioned USD fines, for instance) but CWCville has its own currency, and its own set of "laws", the likes of which would never be permitted in a developed or even undeveloped country, even if CWCville were some sort of Vatican-like sovereign state. The only arrangement that makes even the slightest amount of sense is that CWCville is just that - a sovereign state, on US soil. Chris doesn't seem to have thought this out though, and evidently believes the mayor of a town is legally entitled to act as an authoritarian dictator.

As a mayor, Chris does nothing bureaucratic, ever, and makes [[Allison Amber|his secretary]] do all the paperwork (as per his thoughts on women) while he goes off on another one of his sweetheart searches. He has mandated "[[dating education|Dating Education]]" classes for students so that they can learn to go on dates, as well as how to "stay straight."

[[List of Sonichu characters#Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|Actual police officers]] did not appear until [[Sonichu 10|quite late]] in the series and even then, they did nothing whatsoever, giving the impression that Chris and his [[Pokémon]] abominations are the only thing standing between peace and violent anarchy. However, [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu #9'']] seems to reveal that there are three sets of "other" protectors: a (possibly) nondescript police force (distinct from [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s [[jerkops]]), as well as his own team of [[Power Rangers]] and a team of [[Transformers]].

{{quote|Is CWCville under Martial Law?|[[Jack Thaddeus]] citing the truth as he sees it}}

In conversation with [[Jack Thaddeus]], Chris revealed that CWCville is the home of a paramilitary force equipped with tanks which he uses as a "Police Force", and all his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] enjoy immunity from prosecution and are above the law.<ref>[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3]]</ref> Add this to the fact that Chris cannot be deposed as mayor ("there [[Chris and English|is]] no elections") and the fact that the police and a fleet of superpowered goons obey literally anything Chris demands of them, and it paints a very frightening picture. According to Chris, [[Magi-Chan]] mentally scans the city perimeters for any sexual acts, and reports any [[homos|homosexual]] activity to the authorities. The participants are then "tried and fined HEAVILY; $500 or 50 Hours of Community Service."<ref>[[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck]]</ref> Apparently in CWCville, the [[Wikipedia:Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fourth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution]] does not apply in matters of personal sexual choice, and neither does the [[wikipedia:Lawrence v. Texas|U.S. Supreme Court ruling]] finding sodomy laws to be unconstitutional.

Even though Chris's deranged laws exist only within his city-state-country-whatever of CWCville, he exacts his deranged fury unto people whether they're actually in his jurisdiction or not. [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu #10'']] shows four distinct crimes committed outside of CWCville: the destruction of the [[4-cent garbage]] building, the murder of over one hundred alleged "trolls" in said destruction, breaking and entering, and destroying Internet files and property. There was no evidence to suggest that this act of mass murder was even investigated by the authorities, and the comic portrays this act of [[Twin Falling Towers|terrorism]] as Chris and his goons heroically defeating a gang of criminals.

Chris may be able to commit murder without being reprimanded, but of course this doesn't apply to everyone. Following the death of [[Simonla]], the culprits ([[Alec]], [[Mao]], [[Sean]] and [[Evan]]) are subjected to a show trial, and given no defense attorney by the state (violating the [[Wikipedia:Sixth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Sixth Amendment]]) forcing Sean to act as their lawyer despite being [[Tobacky|high as a kite]]. There is no solid evidence presented for the murder charge, aside from the Voltorb remote (which the prosecutor never tried to prove belonged to them) and wholly unreliable "psychic evidence" extracted by Magi-Chan. When they're railroaded and found guilty, they're ''killed by the people they've wronged'' (read: murdered brutally by cartoon characters), in a gross violation of the [[Wikipedia:Eighth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Eighth Amendment]] forbidding cruel and unusual punishment.

Demonstrating Chris's limited understanding of trials (as his knowledge of trials stems purely from television), the kangaroo court integrates both elements of civil and criminal trials. The Asperpedia Four are not only prosecuted for murder by a [[Marvey Blaziken|state attorney]], as per a criminal trial, but also charged with defamation of character, libel, and copyright infringement (as well as several charges such as "profanity to the max" that would hold no water in an actual court) by Chris and his cohorts, as per a civil trial. Surely enough, Chris, Sonichu, and Rosechu are sitting in a bench marked "PLAINTIF" [sic]. That both civil and criminal charges are included in one trial not only demonstrates a poor understanding of the courtroom process, but is further proof that Chris considers "slanderous mockeries" and other torts on par with major crimes such as murder and assault. To add to the equation, one cannot be given a death sentence (or any sentence, for that matter) for being guilty in a civil trial, but in the Asperpedia Four trial civil charges are the primary reason for the death sentence. In summary, the CWCville court system is a constitutional nightmare that violates multiple articles and amendments, and has no concept of due process. One must wonder why it is allowed to exist within the borders of the U.S.

Were it not obvious by now, any semblance of law in CWCville exists solely to further the wishes of its tyrannical (and murderous) mayor.

== References ==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Parody]]
*[[Jerkop]]
*[[Manajerks]]
*[[Chris and copyright]]

{{Chris and}}

Homos

2017-02-05T21:15:19Z

Herman255:

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:RainbowChris.jpg|thumb|Fun fact: [[Rainbow]] colors are the internationally recognized colors for the gay pride movement.]]
{{Quote|I Am Straight; [[China|Vaginas]] and [[Plush breasts|Boobies]] Give Me MY ERECTIONS; You Damn Homos have NO CHANCE with me EVER.|[[Chris]].<ref>[[Mailbag 31]]</ref>}}
{{Quote|There Was a time before I realized mine being a female soul trapped in a male-born body, when I was homophobic. But I became better aware of these kind and open-hearted people, and learned how understanding and compassionate they are, and with that, losing the homophobia, I felt more at peace with myself and those around me.|Chris evolves.<ref>[[January_2017_Facebook_Posts#Open_letter_to_Barron_Trump]]</ref>}}

'''Homos''' is the pejorative term by which Chris referred to gay people--almost invariably gay males--nigh exclusively at the time of his discovery. He has also occasionally used phrases such as "those of the wrong orientation", because even saying the word "homo" or "gay" makes him uncomfortable.

From the very beginning of his [[internet]] fame in [[2007]], his extreme opposition to homosexuality and his neurotic, obsessive demand that everyone "[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|STAY STRAIGHT]]" have been one of his most noted and exploited aspects. Chris's ire for male homosexuals is confusing, since they, of all people, pose the least threat to his [[Love Quest]], and seems to be motivated entirely by his own sexual insecurities.

At various times, most recently following his coming out as a "[[Tomgirl|transgender]] [[Gaybian|lesbian]]" in [[2014]], Chris has seemingly recanted previous homophobic statements, claiming to have become fully supportive of equality and human rights. In nearly every case, this has been at the request of a gal-pal or sweetheart, and like most of his [[Chris and remorse|apologies]] has been insincere. He apparently remains repulsed and unnerved by homosexual men on a personal level.

==Fear of being a homo==
[[Image:0067-Christian&Barbie.jpg|thumb|left|Chris tried to stay straight from an early age, by posing with Barbie.]]
[[Image:CWC new novel.png|thumb|A glimpse into the future?]]

{{quote|"Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation."|Chris. <ref>E-mail to Megan, "I'm sorry... *[[sigh]]*:; Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm</ref>}}

Chris's homophobia is just that: he is literally afraid of homosexuality and of anything that could conceivably cause him to be "leered off the straight path." His terror has been such that he was barely able to bring himself to even utter the word "gay" or any other term concerning gay people, except of course for "homo." He seems to struggle with intrusive homosexual thoughts; he has said that he cannot even look at a picture of a [[pickle]] without being "freaked out."<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref> In [[Kill De Jack]], Chris revealed that he had to cover a section of his computer screen with a piece of paper so that he could browse the [[CWCipedia]] without looking at [[Jack Thaddeus]]'s pro-gay advertisements. Nothing will get Chris angrier than being "mislabeled" as a homo.

Chris's homophobia seems to have emerged sometime in 2006, as his very earliest expression of anxiety is his classic "[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|Future Message]]," released in February 2007. At no time before this, either in his comics or his [[diary]] or his private correspondence, does he make any reference to homosexuality. It apparently grew out of the complex stew of his [[noviophobia]], his failure to achieve his Love Quest, his admiration for [[My Little Pony|girly toys]], his own [[Chris and gender|gender confusion]], his loathing of [[muscle bra|male bodies]], and [[autism]].
[[File:Taking it in the briefs.JPG|thumb|right|You're making this painfully obvious, Chris.]]

==Defenses against becoming a homo==
[[Image:CWCIsSTRAIGHT.jpg|thumb|According to Chris, heterosexuals defend their sexuality by stomping on [[vibrator]]s and showcasing index cards indicating their straightness on their shoes.]]
It's hard work for a warrior of true love and honesty to stay straight. Chris uses many strange and totemic objects, from a [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|poster of Sailor Moon]] to his [[Optimus Prime]] toy, to aggressively assert his straightness. Chris has said that he stared at his Sailor Moon poster every day to stave off temptations of homosexuality. The centerfold poster of [[The Simpsons#Marge poster|Marge Simpson's ''Playboy'' edition]] was another of Chris's many defenses against becoming a homo. The fact that she is a married cartoon character does not seem to have dissuaded him. Chris also subscribes to ''Playboy'' to help keep himself straight. You can tell he's straight because when he's explaining what he finds attractive in women it only takes five seconds for him to get around to breasts and china.

When homosexual (or potentially homosexual) fans sent Chris questions on the CWCipedia asking for tips to STAY STRAIGHT, Chris tended to suggest what essentially amounts to self-brainwashing. Some of his ideas included thinking of naked women and how awesome they are, and imagining being struck by painful lightning whenever a homosexual thought occurs.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> He also clarified that one needs not buy a Sailor Moon poster in particular; any poster featuring attractive women (preferably in bikinis and looking sexy) will do the trick. He believes these rituals are necessary to "maintain" sexual attraction to women.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Mailbag 3#Hypnotize away the gay|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 3#Sexy posters|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 4#Dissolving homoerotic thoughts in stomach acid|Mailbag #4]]</ref>

Chris has also encouraged women to not [[Alcohol|drink]], [[Tobacky|smoke]], or be physically abused while pregnant, as this could cause the baby to be born homosexual, as if Homosexuality is like Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. <ref>[[Mailbag 5#Daniel Tammet/Punching your baby will make it gay|Mailbag #5]]</ref> Chris is also convinced that his chances of becoming homosexual have been raised because he did not engage in heterosexual intercourse before maturation,<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Dating_Education</ref> hence his oft-stated regret that he did not get [[dating education]] classes in high school, and his recommendation that they be made available for the youth of today.

Considering the myriad of habits Chris has cultivated which are highly atypical for a straight male, it seems certain that he has been at the very least sexually confused. He is demonstrably very aggressive and insecure about it.

==Hatred of homos==
Chris is not simply afraid of becoming a homo himself--he hates all gay men. This animosity seems to result primarily from his fear of them (and all men) and their supposed ability or desire to make him gay. He has often characterized the [[trolls]] - all of them - as homos, which is either a basic ''ad hominem'' attack or a sincere belief that anyone who draws penises on [[Rosechu (character)|Rosechu]] must be gay. It also reveals a belief that all of his trolls are male, since Chris uses "homo" exclusively in reference to gay men. This notion is not only [[Vivian Gee|demonstrably false]], but in fact [[Chris and reality|completely delusional]], since many of Chris's greatest trolls have been women, and Chris knows it. This exercise in selective memory likely stems from Chris's loathing of male [[JERKS]] and inversely-proportional adoration of [[Gal-pals|women]].

Notably, in [[IRC (02 January 2009)|an IRC chat]] from 2 [[January 2009]], Chris made this statement:

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "[[Wikipedia:Deck the Halls|Deck the Halls]]"|Chris, 2 January 2009, 11:59.}}

[[Image:Bionic2.jpg|thumb|Chris projects his repressed homosexuality onto [[Bionic the Hedgehog|one of his own abominations]].]]

Chris further went on to propose a bizarre form of conversion therapy in which all gay men would be imprisoned and made to sleep with both female offenders and prostitutes, thereby "reprogramming" them. Interestingly, a certain [[wikipedia:Heinrich Himmler|Herr Himmler]] had a similar idea, suggesting that "pink triangle" concentration camp prisoners be forced to sleep with (female) camp prostitutes.

{{quote|[they would be] taken in and reprogrammed with multiple upon multiple pleasurable moments with female prison inmates and prosts.|Chris, 2 January 2009, 12:01.}}

On 30 [[January 2010]], Chris voiced his sagacious opinion about the ban on homosexuals serving openly in the American military. He advocated the lifting of the ban, but only so that "[[Mailbag 49#Chris loves his country|the homos can go die in explosions]]."

The universe of [[CWCville]] has also seen an anti-gay jihad. On 5 [[January 2010]], Chris stated that [[Magi-Chan]] keeps a constant psychic surveillance to ensure that there are no homos in CWCville. When evidence of homosexuality is found, the people involved are [[Chris and the Law|arrested and fined heavily]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris's comic self travels into the future, where scientists have successfully isolated the "homo gene" (An idea stolen from the ''[[Family Guy]]'' episode "[[Wikipedia:Family Gay|Family Gay]]"). They have not, however, isolated the "straight gene", and are only able to when Chris donates his own blood (Chris has once remarked that [[Wikipedia:Sonderbehandlung|homosexuality could be cured by injecting blood from straight men into homosexuals]]). Chris then brought back to the present enough of the "cure" to turn every gay person on Earth straight. Ironically, a vaccination traditionally consists of introducing a small amount of the disease to a body to stimulate the immune system - so Chris unwittingly implied that his blood contains the dreaded homo virus.

A classic case of Chris's homophobia surfaced in the struggle over advertisements on his CWCipedia. Jack Thaddeus purchased ad space on the CWCipedia to put up 2 ads. One featured Peter Griffin of ''Family Guy'', pointing out that he and his creator, Seth MacFarlane, were supportive of gay rights; and the other promoted Mexican tourism with a cartoon [[pickle]]. Chris unsurprisingly went berserk, stating:

{{quote|I understand you getting paid to run ads in that box on the Cwcipedia. I feel okay with Vivian's [[Audiobooks]], BUT I feel OFFENDED with the Mexico Contest and Gay-Rights Ads. The Pickle on the Mexico ad reminds me of a terrible time in my past with Pickle-Suited TROLLS, and '''I AM AGAINST HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLES and FOR STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUALITY.'''|Chris.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:WikiSysop#The_New_Ad-Links</ref>}}

In protest, Chris replaced Jack Thaddeus's gay-friendly ads with ads for [[wikipedia:Love In Action|Love In Action]] (an "ex-gay" ministry), ProtectMarriage.com (a site promoting [[wikipedia:California Proposition 8 (2008)|Proposition 8]]), and a site calling for a boycott of Pepsi due to their gay-friendliness. To sum it up, in one fell swoop, Chris managed to put in three big things that would ''not'' win him any gay friends whatsoever.

As with his fear of becoming a homo, the origins of Chris's deep homophobia are not clear. Certainly [[Bob]] had an influence, as the [[Matthew Noble call]] showed that he had the same kind of deranged hatred and prejudice as his son. On 7 January 2010, when answering the question of how he began hating the gay population, we got this interesting insight:

{{quote|I estimate that I started hating them about Summer, [[2003]] just after I started my Sweetheart Search, where I received the response from one woman, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I am a Lesbian." That, combined with my PAST dislike of MEN in general AND the later pictured images of such acts led me to DISGUST AND HATRED FOR THE HOMOSEXUALS. Plus ALL of the Homos within the Trolls AND all Homosexual Fans with their WRONGFUL Quoting of MY comics and characters in THEIR PAPERS and ESSAYS promoting homosexuality, and EVEN WORSE a Sonichu BALLOON in one of their God DAMED Pride Parades!!! ALL OF THESE FACTORS have ONLY made my view of the Homosexual Males WORSE!|[[Common Questions#Answered 07 January 2010|Chris, before finally stating (for the umpteenth time) that Sonichu is straight.]]}}

If this is true, Chris made no reference to it at the time, restricting his hatred solely to the heterosexual male [[JERKS]]. It is certainly ironic considering his more recent views on lesbianism. It also adds another interesting aspect to his hatred: Chris's frustration with homos is influenced by his being childish and whiny about not getting his way with ''one'' woman who turned him down. We wouldn't expect anything different from him.

Chris knows that his homophobia is unpopular with his fans, and he has often tried to persuade the public that he respects homosexuals for "who they are". However, he usually betrays his sincere intolerance of different lifestyles soon afterward - often within the same statement. On [[CWC Update 18 February 2009|18 February 2009]], for example, Chris issued one of his retractions of his previous homophobic remarks and declared that he respects "the gay people" just as he respects his gal pals and his [[List of Chris's sweethearts|sweethearts]]. However, this was done at the insistence of [[Julie]]; [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|a mere month later]] Chris was [[Chris and religion|reciting verses from the Bible]] to once again preach against the vile homos.

On 14 [[June 2009]], Chris posted a "[[music]]" [[video]] called "[[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]", which, in his tradition of ruining everything you ever loved, is a homophobic version of [[Wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]]'s satirical song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from ''[[Wikipedia:The Boondocks|The Boondocks]]''. Later on that same day, he published an [[I'm Sorry, Dude|apology]] for the video and insisted that he likes gays who "ac...accomplish other things, like [[Wikipedia:Stephen Fry|Stephen Fry]], who was a homosexual, but y'know he did a good job being a narrator on ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''." Chris was of course unaware of the various other career accomplishments of Stephen Fry. It seems that this apology was only posted in the first place for the sake of his gal-pal [[Kim]]'s boyfriend, whose gay brother apparently lost both his arms in Iraq.

On 12 January 2010, Chris again appeared to soften his stance, saying that "I am decreeing that homosexuals will have equal relationship rights within CWCville." However, in the same breath Chris clarified, "gay marriage is still Illegal and Wrong. And [[Magi-Chan]] will stay out of those people's heads under my request."<ref>[[CWC Blog#12 January 2010]]</ref> The reason why gay marriage isn't an "equal relationship right" is not readily apparent.

More recently, not long after coming out as a "male lesbian," Chris felt deeply uncomfortable with being perceived as "gay" or "homo," and in Facebook statements attempted to exclude gay men from his crusade for gender equality. No doubt under the influence of his new sweetheart [[Catherine]] and other gal-pals, Chris retracted these clumsy statements, apologizing for the umpteenth time.

{{quote|I am accepting of the gays as people, just like most any individual person. Seriously, you all be proud of who you are. All I ask is not to find any reason to feel anger towards anyone of any orientation, race or whatever, based on their individual actions or offense as an individual person of self. Also, please disregard all of my past and Way past thoughts of turning gays straight; that was very wrong of me. I am very sorry about that, and continue to be true and proud of yourselves for who you are, as I am Very Proud of myself for being a Lesbian Transgender (a Female, Lesbian Soul trapped in a male body).|Chris, surprisingly redeemable.<ref>[[September 2014 Facebook Posts]]</ref>}}

He also announced his support for the Human Rights Campaign, going so far as to say that homophobics "are none other than the Cyber-Bullies and Internet Trolls who put hate on the innocent around the world; Young and Old. Some of which even put pressure on to force you into being something you know fully that you are Not!" Interestingly, his prior notion that all trolls are homosexuals had been completely reversed to the idea that they're all homo''phobes'', illustrating that Chris still believes that any detractor of his is part of an organized movement and [[Chris and his Ego|has personal flaws]].

However, if the past is any judge, the end of his relationship with Catherine has no doubt caused his homophobia to resurface. He confirmed in late 2014 that despite the fact that comic Chris shares his new gender identity, [[Reldnahc]], his opposite, is still an evil violent homo.<ref>Commissions</ref>

On 26 [[June 2015]], the Supreme Court upheld the constitutionality of gay marriage. Chris, shockingly enough, reacted very positively towards this:

{{Quotebox|Congratulations to us all for Nationwide Marriage Equality! If a holiday be made of June 26, 2015, how about ‪#‎PridependenceDay‬!

Now, I still require my Sweetheart to be my future wife. As a ‪#‎Lesbian‬ ‪#‎Transwoman‬, I do feel I am compatible with Any woman.

And No, I am not mistaken. I have been genuinely feeling and [[List of Chris's lies|identifying like a woman for about my whole lifetime]]. I never could appreciate the [[JERK|male's]] Neanderthal interests. And I felt more appreciative and comprehending of [[Women's Rights|fashions, makeup, shopping]], [[Chris and remorse|empathy]], identifying feelings and [[Death threats|looking to resolve problems]] [[Sub-episodes|reasonably]].

Plus, I have a great deal of [[Chris and Anger|self control]], and I can bring good and pleasant [[semen|tidings]] to an all woman party.

‪#‎LoveWins‬ ‪#‎OneFamily‬ ‪#‎LGBTQ‬ ‪#‎Pridependence‬ ‪#‎Pride‬}}

In [[October 2015]], Chris released a [[Apology for past homophobic comments and homophobia.|video]] in which he apologizes for his past homophobic statements and iterates that he is now supportive of male homosexuals, while still drilling the point home that Sonichu and Rosechu are straight. He almost simultaneously [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] [[Sonichu 10]] and replaced the fictional gay epidemic with a bizarre [[Nombie-zazis|Nazi zombie]] premise, which still has homophobic implications given the context of the comic.

==Chris on his alleged homosexuality==
[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be [[Warning - Naughty Women ;)|having sex with THREE WOMEN?"]]]]

* "I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT! I WILL NOT BE VEERED INTO ANY OTHER DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE DIRECTION!!!!!"<ref>[[Masturbating and squirtin']]</ref>
* "I'm STRAIGHT! I'm STRAIGHT! '''YOU'RE the homos!''' EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!"<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008]]</ref>
* "I'm straight, don't doubt me!"<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref>
* "Listen, as hard as you fucking can, I CAME OUT OF MY AUTISTIC [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|CLOSET]] AS A STRAIGHT MAN, and NOTHING ELSE. SO YOU IMMATURE JERKS CAN JUST FUCK OFF."<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref>
* "Yep, you heard me. I am...a [[gaybian|gaaaaaaaaay...bian]]."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the First Video]]</ref>
* "Anyway the, uh- anyway so, to get to the point...fine. I'm guhh. I'm gaaaay. I'm gaay. I said it...OK. Yep. So...did I really come out of the closet there? That just depends on y'all- how y'all understand it."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the Second Video]]</ref>
* "And look at me. Do I look like- [*shakes head in disagreement*] '''No more of those stupid acquisition messages!''' Get it through your fucking, individual, damn, dirty SKULLS! '''[[List of Chris's lies|I. Am. STRAIGHT!]]'''"<ref>''[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]''</ref>

===“Christopher” Christian “Ricardo” Weston Chandler’s Address to the Homosexuals===
On 6 August 2009, at a time when the trolls were getting the most mileage out of baiting Chris regarding his sexual orientation, Chris posted a wide-ranging, [[Chris and anger|hate-fuelled]] rant on the [[CWCipedia]] which he hoped would clear up all misconceptions. His "Address to the Homosexuals," subtitled "I AM STRAIGHT!!! NOT HOMO; NOT BI; STRAIGHT!!! GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULLS!" is a classic statement on the issue. Unfortunately it had no noticeable effect on the trolling. The essay in full:

{{quotebox|
Good day, I write this essay with sound mind to address the major issues that has been bugging me constantly for the past few yeas, The Pressure and '''Stress''' FROM the Homosexual Population.

First off, as I have said OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND '''OVER Infinite Number Of Times''', ''I, “Christopher” Christian “Ricardo” Weston Chandler, AM STRAIGHT.'' '''[[Tomgirl Saga|No Question or]] [[Gaybian|Shadow of a Doubt, EVER.]]'''

I personally respect the individual people as fellow human beings, and I am cool with associating with them as acquaintances and friends, but Please Do Not Wave Around what you do behind closed doors around me; '''NOBODY CARES TO KNOW; I PERSONALLY DO NOT CARE TO KNOW.''' Even within my imagination, I Do Not Care to even have the pictures Randomly Pop up in my head. Every time of such pictures’ appearance, ''I feel Queasy and want to Throw Up.'' I humbly apologize for being offensive, but that is how I feel.

As a human being, I have no hard feelings conversing and associating with the homosexuals at any time. Individually, they each have a right to their own opinions, perceptions and peaceful lives. I fully understand and respect that.

''The only thing that really Grinds My Gears Harshly is being '''Wrongfully Labeled as a Homosexual when I am straight.'''''

I am aware of the way I [[Speech impediment|stutter]], space my words and all that from the way I talk, but I assure you, that I sometimes have trouble fully comprehending situations and status at first; it sometimes takes me a long while before I can fully comprehend and make an appropriate reaction. In another word, ''I am Sometimes Retarded.''

And the ONLY REASON I have not had sex yet in my lifetime WITH A WOMAN yet, is because '''the WHOLE TIME, I have been SHY'''; kept down with the ''Personal Fear of nearly EVERY Woman I see being Already Paired-Up with a Boyfriend''. I am not a man who likes confrontations with the guy who has spoken for the woman I’m eying over. And during my High School Years, '''I WAS NAÏVE on the subject of DATING''' (''Bring in Dating Education Classes, and Run them Alongside or Before Sexual Education, and make Dating Education Equally Mandatory)''. [[Honor roll|It had not dawned on me that I NEEDED TO BE DATING until AFTER I had turned Twenty-One-Years Old]], during my Third Year attending Piedmont Virginia Community College.

And my '''Sonichu and Rosechu Comic Pages'''; again, I understand each individual person has their own perception of things, BUT Contrary to the individual perceptions among some people, '''The Comics, Drawings, and ALL Words ALL HAD NO MEANING OF ANYTHING Homosexual Whatsoever!''' I Personally in Real Life AND in the Comic Pages and all that '''PROMOTE BEING STRAIGHT''', No Question or Shadow of a Doubt.

All Those of You have Heavily Wrongfully Misunderstood Parts of All the Comic Pages and all that of such.

'''I, All my Sonichus, Rosechus, and citizens of Cwcville, Virginia, Do Not Appreciate At All Being Wrongfully Labled as homosexuals. IT REALLY INFURIATES ME, Sonichu, Rosechu and EVERYBODY ELSE.'''

I have also heard of My Sonichu being ''written in College Essays that promote homosexuality.'' And even worse, ''promoting him in the Gay Pride Parades.'' '''WRONG LABELS; STOP WRITING OR PROMOTING ME OR MY CHARACTERS AS SUCH!''' ''[[Reldnahc Notsew Niatsirhc|ALL Sonichus Are Straight!]] [[Silvana Rosechu|ALL Rosechus Are Straight!]] I Am Straight! My Comics are STRAIGHT COMICS.'' I, Sonichu and Rosechu, '''We Never Want to be part of ANY AND ALL Homosexual-Promoting Papers or Events, because with EVERY ITEM that is created from NOT OF MY OWN HANDS that EVEN Inklings such Wrongful Labelings upon, ME, Sonichu, Rosechu, and ALL MY STRAIGHT CHARACTERS, WE ARE ALL BEING DISREPECTED!'''

We will Never Take the Misunderstandings, Mislabelings And All The Like Sitting Down.

I, Personally, would RATHER have a PAINFUL Gender-Change Operation than EVER Turn Homosexual.

'''So, to reiterate, I, and 96 % of ALL CHARACTERS, are ALL STRAIGHT!''' ''NEVER EVER CALL me, my comics, or any of MY STRAIGHT Characters GAY!''

<nowiki>*</nowiki>sigh*

And to conclude, while I personally do not care about the homosexual lifestyle that swift, and I personally respect each individual homosexual person as individual human beings, '''The MAIN thing that really Infuriates Me is being called gay. DO NOT EVER Call Me Gay, or EVER Question My Sexual Orientation.
'''

''[[Lie|I, “Christopher” Christian “Ricardo” Weston Chandler, Am Straight]]. Period.
''

Thank you.}}

==Views on lesbianism==

Whereas Chris's discomfort with homosexual males has been fairly consistent, his views on lesbianism have wildly vacillated. In Chris's ''Carrie'' rip-off, "[[The High School Story]]", his Mary Sue character Terrah LeAnne Yowman is ridiculed and accused of being a lesbian by kids at her high school because she hangs around with male friends. As the work serves as a backstory to the villainous [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], Terrah's bullying may have served as a fictional inverse parallel to the endless accusations of homosexuality lodged by Chris' detractors, illustrating Chris' worldview of implied homosexuality as an insult.

{{quote|She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating [[Creepy stare|glare]] with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a Strong, Straight [[Christian Weston Chandler|Homophobe]] would attack that bully with [[Chris and religion|No Mercy]]; beat the crap out of that person.|"[[The High School Story]]"}}

On 25 July 2009, Chris produced a [[CWC "Boyfriend"|rambling and nonsensical video]] to the tune of Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend". In the middle of the video, Chris sings about the importance of "being straight" and intersperses a "STAY STRAIGHT" caption on a photo of a lesbian couple split in two.

{{quote|
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me!
Hey, you! Hey, you!
You need to be straight, girl!
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend! }}

Later, Chris would gradually revise his former hard-line attitude against lesbians. In ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', Chris goes out of his way to state that the children of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] are watched over by [[Heather Iglesias]], whom he characterizes as "a pretty, trustworthy, good natured Spanish Lesbian."<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu">[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Cwcipedia: Sonichu]</ref> He further mentions that Heather keeps her sexuality a secret from the kids at the request of Sonichu himself.<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu"/> Chris may have shoehorned a lesbian character into ''Sonichu'' to appear more tolerant, but his attempt comes off as half-hearted in light of his continual derision of gay men and insistence that Heather hide her sexuality.

In [[Mumble 1]], which took place on the last day of 2009, Chris declared his support for lesbians and reiterated his simultaneous hatred for gay men, stating that he hated [[JERKS]] in general, and how (typically) a porn DVD helped to soften his view on lesbians. In effect, Chris claimed that he supports lesbians because he believes women are beautiful, and hates gay men because men are icky.

{{quote|Uhh. Pretty much but it's like you know, between lesbians, it's like, hmm, partial [dis]courage. But then it's- but then again, but then between guys instead I would definitely 100% discourage. In my humble opinion...I've uh talked to others before with uh, [[PandaHalo|Sarah]], my uh s-s-Sarah, my girlfriend. I can not be willing to do a threesome with uh two women, but defina- but definitely never with two guys.|Chris, [[Mumble 1]]}}

{{quote|Yes, Yes they are- yes they're they're more beautf- they're more beautiful. They're like, they're really- they're truly like works of art in their own way- just like yeah you know, just like you know the statues that uh, were in past times.|Chris, [[Mumble 1]]}}

On 28 [[March 2013]], Chris posted a public [[Facebook#Gay Marriage |Facebook message]] whining about repeat media coverage of the Supreme Court's [[:wikipedia:Hollingsworth v. Perry|Proposition 8]] and [[:wikipedia:United States v. Windsor|DOMA]] deliberations. In it, he reiterated his support for lesbians and his disapproval of "the damn homosexual males".

===Chris the lesbian===
[[File:Chris at a gay bar.jpg|right|thumb|Chris's selfie from a gay bar restroom. Disturbing, but unsurprising.]]
On 14 [[August 2014]], Chris posted on his [[Facebook]] page that he himself was now officially a "lesbian-identified man".<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out...kinda]]</ref> He posted a picture of himself holding an LGBT flag. He stated that "I support the LBT fully; the G.[ay] M.[ale]s are fortunate to be on this boat." On 31 [[October 2014]], Chris spent that [[Halloween]] at a gay bar dressed as a "Groovy 70's Lesbian",<ref>[[October 2014 Facebook Posts]]</ref> further evidencing his apparent acceptance of homosexuality, in that visiting a gay bar was [[Chris and hypocrisy|THE thing Chris had specified on multiple occasions that he would never do in his life]].

However, as anyone who's even mildly aware of sexuality and gender will tell you, a lesbian male isn't actually a real thing. The idea of a "lesbian in man's body" is just something a guy might google after [[mass debating]], and Chris's citation of '''Yahoo! Answers''' to validate its existence is unpersuasive to say the least. Whether or not Chris has had a turn of heart, and realized the error of his ways when it comes to homosexuality, we'll just have to wait and see. Sexuality seems to be the most powerful governing force in Chris's self-definition, and as such it is perhaps unsurprising that it has changed so dramatically over time, given his utter failure to find his place in the world.

Chris's identification as a lesbian is closely tied to the next subject...

== Chris and transsexuality ==
{{quote|Tranny Pride, Worldwide!|Chris calling himself a derogatory term for transgenders, 14 August 2014<ref>[[Brassieres For Males#Chris comes out]]</ref>}}
[[Image:Die-cis-scum.jpg|thumb|right|Likelier than you think.]][[Image:Chris_15_Aug_2014_changed_profile_pic.jpg|thumb|right|Chris the "Male Lesbian Intersex Transgender."]]

Given that Chris lacks basic [[English]] skills, it shouldn’t be surprising that he has trouble navigating the linguistic minefield of ''transgender'', ''transsexual'', ''transvestite'', ''intersex'', ''bisexual'', ''hermaphrodite'', and his own ''tomgirl''. For someone who hates mislabelings, he sure is sloppy when it comes to these labels. On his [[OKCupid]] profile, when asked, "Would you date a transgender person," he replied, "Yes, as long as she was born female and was still female (or a tomboy)."<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers]]</ref> He told [[Jackie]] that the fact that he loved wearing women’s clothing did not make him a “transvestite.”<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 24]]</ref> He told gal-pal [[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails|Rebeckah Bentley]] that the [[unclit]] made him “bisexual” when he meant intersex; he promptly flipped his shit when Rebeckah asked if he wanted to fuck dudes now.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Introducing the un-clit]]</ref> All of Chris’s claims about sexuality or gender identity need to be viewed through an autistic filter.

That said, Chris has spent many years struggling to articulate his position on transgender topics. In the early years of trolling, he confessed that he was uncomfortable with the idea of transgender people, and made it clear that he was not sexually attracted to them. “I have given thought about the transgenders and transvesites; I do not feel comfortable with them….[D]icks are dicks, and I do not care about them, except for my own,” he wrote in a [[January 2009]] chat.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref> He later reiterated: “I Do Not Care Much for Transgender People or Hermaphrodites, but I do not discriminate them as individual people.”<ref>[[Mailbag 26#Reusing the same excuses for everything else!]]</ref>

{{quote|I would NEVER CARE to have sex with a Hermaphrodite.|Classic Chris, 15 January 2010<ref>[[Mailbag 39#Shemales and man-tits]]</ref>}}

Yet somehow, he could not let the issue rest...when [[Wikipedia:Bailey Jay|Bailey Jay]] introduced herself to Chris in a [[Mailbag]] letter, revealing some naughty selfies, Chris’s initial reaction was completely phobic at the sight of this "hermaphrodite." Later though, after Jay let Chris know that he had hurt her feelings, he reached into his shallow well of empathy. "I can relate to how you feel. Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I was born female instead, because of some of my emotional, caring, self-conscious thoughts I had in my lifetime. Then I would later remember that God must have made me all straight male for good reasons."<ref>[[Mailbag 25#It's a trap!]] and [[Mailbag 27#Is Chris hitting on Bailey Jay?]]</ref> When Chris looked at this beautiful woman with a large pickle, he saw a distorted reflection of himself. He was not yet ready to abandon his “straight male” identity, though.

After becoming a [[tomgirl]] in 2011, even though he was still officially a "heterosexual" and "proud to be male," some of his words and actions betrayed a deeper gender confusion. He started using women’s restrooms. He told Jackie that he fantasized about "fit[ting] in at a lesbian bar," where he believed he would have no trouble seducing a lesbian and persuading her to bone "in lesbian's position (the scissor-thing) with my dick in her vag."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 25]]</ref> In December 2013 he confessed to Rebeckah, "I wish I was born female, with the possibility of being a lesbian."<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Dead end of a life]]</ref> He still seemed unsettled, especially since being a tomgirl wasn’t working to attract a Sweetheart/Soulmate.

On 14 [[August 2014]], he came out publicly, although as what exactly wasn’t certain, given his garbled and inconsistent vocabulary. The initial announcement was that he was "a Tomgirl, Intersex of Female Soul with Male Body, and a Tranny Cross-Dresser." Then he said he was a "Lesbian Identified Man and a Cross-Dressing Tranny." Two weeks later he was telling [[Catherine]] that he was a "Lesbian tomgirl transgender male" but also "[[Three-Quarter Woman|three-quarters woman]]." By September he seemed to have settled on "Lesbian Transgender (a Female, Lesbian Soul trapped in a male body)."<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out...kinda]], [[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Flirt the skirt!]], [[Catie Date Conversation Transcript#Understanding the whole tomgirl thing]], and [[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Alright, Alright, NOW It's OK to Be Gay]]</ref> In [[April 2015]], apparently no longer a "man," he changed his Facebook pronoun to "she" and his name to "Christine".<ref>[[April 2015 Facebook posts#A new pronoun]]</ref> This month also saw the beginning of a flurry of Facebook "likes" for all sorts of progressive transgender issues, such as restroom choice and gay marriage. Whatever he was, he was certainly proud of it, and wasted no time trying to persuade his new L(G)BT personal army to wage war against local manajerks.

===Does Chris Want the Operation?===
Almost immediately upon being discovered, Chris revealed that he had been giving a lot of thought to contingencies which might require him to lop off his [[duck]]. In 2007 he told [[Megan]], “if I ever stoop down to changing my path [i.e., becoming a homo], I might as well would get a gender change operation.”<ref>[[Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris is angry about Megan kissing her friend, then pities himself]]</ref> He also made it clear to anyone who asked that he was literally nauseated by the sight of his own penis (and all other penises). It might seem self-evident, then, that Lesbian Transgender Chris would be eager to undergo sex reassignment surgery. However, in his intellectual discourses on transgender controversies, Chris has expressed some ambivalence. In a February 2009 chat, when asked if transwomen should "go under the knife," Chris replied:

{{quote|Um...[long pause] no. I- no no. And also I'll tell you- I'll tell you this- and if I ever have a trans-gender child with both sets of, uh, with both sets of uh, genitals, I would uh, raise that child to be a boy.|Chris, apropos of nothing<ref>[[Mumble 6#On The Transgender Community]]</ref>}}

He similarly told a troll impersonating transgender porn actress Bailey Jay (who also hadn’t asked) that "if I should ever have a hermaphrodite for a child, I would raise that child with the mentality of a boy/man."<ref>[[Mailbag 27#Is Chris hitting on Bailey Jay?]]</ref>

For a long time, these were puzzling statements, given his hatred for [[JERKS]] and all manner of pickled cucumbers. As his own gender identity mutated, however, Chris revealed his reasoning. In early 2014, on his OKCupid Q&A, he was faced with the question, "Imagine you have a newborn child whose sex cannot be determined. A risk-free surgery performed immediately could provide normal male or female sexual and reproductive function. Which would you choose?" Chris’s answer was, "Do not perform the surgery." He added,

{{quote|If a Hermaphrodite, I would raise it to be male regardless since it would not have any eggs anyway. Plus big bonus for (him) in sex with all women (lesbians included I would imagine).|Chris, exemplifying the wisdom of Solomon<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers]]</ref>}}

In other words, there were two obstacles in the way of Chris losing his duck. First, a sex change operation wouldn’t provide him with reproductive organs. Since, as a woman, he would not be able to give the birth to [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]] personally (which is his true fantasy), he must first impregnate someone, as many times as necessary until the appearance of his God-promised daughter. He can’t adopt, because Crystal must come from "blood, tears, and semenal descent."<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#10 November]]</ref> He criticized fellow tranny Ahuviya (whom he incorrectly believed to be [[Jack Thaddeus]]) for trying to have the operation, claiming that he "would definitely not be considered any at all a woman--a woman whatsoever" because "he would not have a uterus, and he would have no repoductive [sic] organs. I mean, I want to have children someday. Obviously, he don't."<ref>[[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]</ref>

In late 2014, he could not persuade a sperm bank, lesbians on a message board, or his friend [[Open Relationship E-mails|Renee]] to serve as the vessel for Crystal.<ref>[[Semen#Donation]]</ref> So for now, its purpose unfulfilled, the Ugly Growth must remain.

The second reason he can’t get the surgery is that the duck is an [[Attraction Sign]]. As much as he loves to crow about being a "Lesbian," Chris wants to be "open to all women, Straight, Bi, and Lesbian." In a [[May 2015]] Facebook Q&A, regarding the operation, he was equivocal, and wrote, "I am exploring making the best of this body for Any Woman born with a vagina." If he wants to be everything for everybody, he will need to hold onto the duck.<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#All This and Eye-Contact Too!]] and [[May 2015 Facebook posts#The Mailbag Returns]]</ref>

It should also be noted that Chris doesn’t have a fucking clue how sex reassignment works. In [[June 2015]] he posted an advertisement on Facebook: “I deserve to be a full woman with a full functioning vagina. A- blood type, if anyone wants to put up the money and trade.”<ref>[[June 2015 Facebook Posts#Let's Trade Genitalia]]</ref> As with most things he wants, Chris prefers to sit on his fat lesbian ass and wait for "a Magical Transformation of my body from Male to completely Female."<ref>[[Open Relationship E-mails#Depressed on Christmas]]</ref>

===In CWCville===
Before his slide into “femdom,” Chris used the intersex character [[Silvana]] to symbolize the evil trolls. The evil [[Count Graduon]] told her, “I am going to grant you with the power to transform like a Ditto. My price is that you will have to relinquish your ability to give birth, and you will be upgraded to have both parts. So with the biological upgrade complete, your years of training can begin.”<ref>[[Sonichu 8 Official Videobook#Episode 18]]</ref> She proceeded to seduce and horrify the tranquil community. After Chris modified his gender identity, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|Robee Sonichu]] also became a tomgirl, and later a full-fledged male lesbian. In May 2015 he confirmed that [[Comic Chris]] was a “Lesbian Transwoman,” and [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] as a D-cup female with “a uterus and ovaries,” possibly to be renamed Chrissy-Chan Rosechu. Then, through the power of his imagination, Chris managed to ''impregnate himself'' with a turkey baster and give birth to twins.<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#Meet Russel and Cynthia]]</ref> This scenario is probably as realistic as Chris ever getting a handle on his own gender.

==Evidence against Chris's heterosexuality==
[[Image:564Homos.jpg|thumb|left|At least Chris doesn't fail at cataloging pictures. [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality No, it's not a shoop].]]

[[Image:CWCMonica.jpg|thumb|[[Niggos|Oh lawd, is dat sum lipstick on Chris?]]]]

{{quote|First off, should such images [of men's asses] enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever.|[[Mailbag 4|Mailbag #4]] - Chris admitting he's had homoerotic fantasies ([[Recycling|and eats imaginary man asses]]).}}

[[Image:Sonichuballs.jpg|thumb|For someone who claims to be straight, Chris sure does love talking about BALLS. Also, balls are touching.]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|That's one [[pickle|phallic]] [[Lego]] tower you're building there, Chris.]]
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]
[[File:ChrisNewShoes.png|thumb|Totally not gay at all.]]
[[File:ChrisOneEyebrow.png|thumb|''One... eyebrow.'']]

Ironically, the [[Autistic dick|harder]] Chris [[I am STRAIGHT|tries to convince people]] he's straight, the less so he appears. He has absolutely no awareness that an uptight, milquetoast, colorfully-dressed, squeaky-voiced man saying "I am straight! I have a subscription to ''Playboy''!"<ref>[[CWC Update 18 January 2009]]</ref> every five minutes looks like he has something he's trying to hide. Furthermore, the more we learn about Chris, the more gay he really appears to be.

* Chris has stated that if he were unable to stay straight he would undergo sex reassignment surgery; he would rather be female than gay. It should be noted that straight men never, ever, put this much thought into this hypothetical dilemma.<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref>
* He collects [[My Little Pony]] figures well into adulthood, and began this collecting way before ''Friendship is Magic'' premiered.
* For a straight man, he sure does [[Semen#Transcript|consume a lot of semen]]. Likewise, the idea of [[Kacey Call 1|licking his own ejaculate]] off one of his gal-pals sexually arouses him.
* Like many gay men, most of his "friends" were female and he never slept with any of them (despite his best efforts to do so).
* In a [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|PSN chat with Julie]], Chris revealed that he randomly has images of penises (his own and others he's seen in porn) pop into his head. He also claims to hear voices in his head that say "Christian is gay." Unless Chris is having ''very specific'' auditory hallucinations, it's likely he has homoerotic daydreams and freaks out about it. In the same chat he sounded ''delighted'' describing the first time he saw semen in a porno movie as a teenager.
* In the chat where [[Julie Reveals Herself]], when [[Max]] told Chris to suck his duck, Chris asked, "How can I do yours if I'm all the way over here?" instead of simply saying "no", although this could simply be his autistic mind trying to cope with hyperbole. Also, later on in the same chat, Chris attempted to show Max his duck when the latter began to taunt him with claims that he had a pussy. While you might be thinking that it's just a typical knee-jerk reaction from Chris, an [[Julie_Reveals_Herself:_The_Prequel|earlier chat]] reveals a part where Chris ''offers'' to show Max his dick.
* He owns, or at least has owned, anal beads and a vibrator, and he is on record as having experimented with putting both toys in his anus. In a chat during the [[Vanessa Saga]] on 16 [[April 2009]], he claimed that he no longer shoved things up his ass, except for "a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose."<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 3|Vanessa IRC Chat III]]</ref> Although it is quite possible to stick things up your butt and still be straight, people who are terrified of being turned gay generally do not do this.
* Chris said that he would put a large dildo up his ass for [[Ivy]] "in a heartbeat," and would let her fuck him with a strap-on.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 7|Vanessa IRC Chat VII]]</ref>
* Chris said that he might let a gay guy fuck him if Ivy wanted that.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 9|Vanessa IRC Chat IX]]</ref>
* Chris once drew [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], a male character, on his duck.
* During their correspondence, [[Jackie]] told Chris she was curious about anal sex.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 5]]</ref> Instead of taking it to mean she wished to be penetrated from behind (as most men would have understood it), Chris thought she wanted to use a strap-on/anal bead on him and said he would comply. In her next email, Jackie clarified her intentions but said she was open to the prospect of being the penetrative partner,<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref> leading a jubilant Chris to discuss his past anal experiences in detail.
* According to [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|receipts]] uncovered by trolls, Chris specifically asked for anal beads as a gift with an order of pornography. Chris, however, lied, claiming that the anal beads as well as a vibrator were sent to him as a gift with an order of straight pornography; he did not ask for them or pay for them. Chris kept said vibrator around for months.
* In the [[Chris Sex Logs|sex logs]], Chris shows off a dildo to [[PandaHalo]]. He immediately suggests the phallic sex toy is something that [[Sex_Logs#This_is_my_dildo|goes up your butt]], and then immediately denies it's been up his butt. He also says having a dildo in your butt "will feel good."
* His absolute revulsion to seeing other men's penises. If Chris was truly straight, he would not be uncomfortable seeing other men's penises because he would have no interest in them sexually.
* On [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|5 February 2009]], Chris posted two videos stating that he was coming out of the closet as a [[gaybian]]. He later issued a retraction, which was far less persuasive.
* When negotiating for the safe return of his PSN account from [[BlueSpike#Max|Max]], Chris was given the choice of burning his [[medallion]] or shoving it up his ass. Chris immediately chose to shove it up his ass.
* When Julie finally revealed herself as a [[pedofork|13 year old boy]], Chris's immediate response was "I did not know you were a 13 year old!" making it sound like he's shocked by the age but not the least bit concerned about the fact that he's a boy.
* Chris thought a straight woman would be turned on by [[Nudes|close-up pictures of his buttcheeks and anus]], not that anybody of any orientation would find it erotic.
* The [[Belt Buckle of Fail]] is pink.
* He owns a set of [[Anime Wings]], which are essentially hair clips, which are essentially women's fashion accessories.
* His best man at [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|his wedding]] is [[Sarah Hammer]] in drag.
* He sang "I Love the Nightlife" on his [[Chris's Big Night Out|visit to a local bar/restaurant]], which is popular at gay clubs and drag revues.
* [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|''Christian and the Hedgehog Boys'']] features two covers of the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]], one of a [[Britney Spears]] song, and one of a [[Wikipedia:Ricky Martin|Ricky Martin]] song. This music was popular among thirteen-year-old girls when it was new and is popular among the gay community today.
* Chris wears a [[bra]]. In fairness, he uses it to [[Fridays After Five|try to attract women]].
* He [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|implores men to wear bras]] because looking at shirtless men makes Chris uncomfortable,<ref>[[Mailbag 55#On brassieres|Mailbag 55]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian_fun.21|Mailbag #55]]</ref> possibly arousing latent homosexual urges.
* When you look up "Homosexuality" at the CWCipedia, you ''literally'' see his own portrait (as shown on the screencap at the top of this section).
* In the [[PS3 History Level]] video, he showed that he owns a copy of the first ''[[Wikipedia:Sex and the City (film)|Sex and the City]]'' movie when he showcased his then-current collection of [[PS3]] games and movies.
* In his response to a letter in [[Mailbag 4]] about "impure" homoerotic thoughts, Chris confesses that he "[has] had this problem too," and has to resort to deleting them through a curious process that involves dropping the thoughts into his stomach acid, lest the gay gene take its toll.
* Chris reacts to [[Alec Benson Leary]]'s ''[[Asperchu]]'' comics by giving all the characters a [[Wikipedia:Queer Eye|free makeover]].
* In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris donates some of his "straight blood" to doctors in the future so that they could make a vaccine against homosexuality. Vaccines are made from the virus, implying that Chris is "infected" with homosexuality if his blood could be used to make a vaccine.
* One of Chris's ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' vehicles is called "A Man's Toy", which is a light blue carriage with [[rainbow]] lollipop wheels and a message that says "Tea parties are good and nice" on the rear end of the carriage.<ref>http://community.modnation.com/en-us/players/Sonichu/creations/1296110</ref>
* In the guise of his trollsona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris used [[Trollin Train]] to go into far more detail than was necessary about a supposed homosexual encounter, describing various acts with a relish out of place for someone who claims to be disgusted by the mere thought of a duck.
* In the above same Trollin Train post, he mentioned achieving comeuppance before vomiting, indicating he had an erection, and thus was sexually aroused from being sodomized by a man.
* He made a drawing of [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy]] [[:File:Punchylaylalove.jpg|wearing panties and a bra]].
* He also made a [[:File:SchuSoneeRosey.jpg|drawing]] of a [[Sonee & Rosey|Sonee and a Rosee]] in which the hairless spot on the Rosee's abdomen looks suspiciously like an erect penis.
* The [[Scrapbook of Fail]] contains a [[:File:115-CWCEmbarassed.jpg|self portrait of Chris]] as the ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' character [http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Dark_Magician_Girl Dark Magician Girl].
* He voluntarily dressed up as a woman, went out in public and used [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|the woman's washroom]]. While not all cross-dressers are homosexuals and vice-versa, men who are afraid of being seen as a homosexual generally do not take a disturbing amount of pride in cross-dressing in public. When Bob learned of Chris's antics, his immediate response was to call him a "fag".
* On 29 April 2012, Chris 'reveals' that the gay camp experience story he made up as [[JenkinsJinkies]] was a fake. Aside from the fact that [[Naive|absolutely nobody fell for this at all]], it does leave this question: Out of all of the stories that Chris could have made up under a fake identity, why did he go with one where he gets sodomized at [[Pedofork|seven]]?
* [[It's not that cold]] shows Chris infamously saying, "Would you fuck me, 789chan? I'd fuck me." Take note that Chris is dressed in a mini-skirt and hikes it up to reveal his grotesque man ass at the camera, indicating that he'd like to be taken from behind, all in an attempt to re-enact ''The Silence of the Lambs''.
* Whenever anyone calls Chris out on his [[Women's rights|objectification of women's bodies]], he is always quick to back-pedal and say he appreciates women more for their personalities, unaware that personalities are the key reason for relationships between gay men and their female friends.
* Chris created a modified version of the song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from ''The Boondocks'' called "Don't Trust Any Homos Over There". However, the character who sings the original song is Uncle Ruckus, a self-loathing black man. This makes Chris look like a self-loathing homosexual.
* The fact that he thinks that ''staring at a poster'' will keep himself straight implies he has homosexual thoughts and fantasies that he wants to keep in check. The irony of the fact that he thinks staring hard enough at a poster of Sailor Moon, a gay icon, will magically suppress these homoerotic urges is lost on him.
* After [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] became Chris's equal and opposite as the result of the latter's brief immersion in the [[Dark Mirror Hole]], he turned openly gay. One would think that this logically means Chris is straight, except for the fact that it's made clear that the two differ only in their openness, not their homosexuality.
* Chris posted an absurd "riddle" on [[Facebook#The_Riddle|Facebook]] containing random pictures, containing Mark Cuban, lemon cake, Delaware Blue Hens and the Sphinx. It's worth noting that [http://i.imgur.com/oKAtnAo.jpg Mark Cuban] is gay, lemon cake is often dyed rainbow in [http://i.imgur.com/qy1U14g.jpggay pride festivals], Delaware is one of the only states to uphold [http://i.imgur.com/YVAnfl9.jpg gay marriage], hens often exhibit homosexuality, and there's a game called [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gay%20chicken Gay Chicken], and the sphinx is also a breed of cat. A breed of cat that's [http://i.imgur.com/uBwdEdz.jpg really gay].
* In 2012, Chris signed in the [[CWCki Forums]] as "paintingatree". The term "Painting The Tree" is [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Painting%20the%20tree act slang for oral sex], which may refer to his duck.
* Chris posted a picture on [[Facebook#I_got_new_shoes|Facebook]] showing his new shoes. Note the gay pink laces and it looks like sneakers worn for women.
* Chris posted a pointless picture on [[Facebook#One Eyebrow|Facebook]], showing his eyebrow. Note that it's '''eyebrow''' and not '''eyebrows''', as [http://www.discodamaged.com/2010/12/lesbians-to-grown-on-eyebrow.html lesbians are proposing to grow one eyebrow on Decembrow].
* Chris pierced his right ear (twice), a common, albeit dated, code for homosexuality--"Left ear buccaneer, right ear queer."
* Chris wrote a [[February_2014_Facebook_Posts#Tabitha_St._Germaine|Facebook post]] comparing Tabitha St. Germain, the voice actress of Rarity from ''My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'' (among many others), to gay icon Judy Garland.
* Attempting to prove that [[Christopher's name change|Christopher]] is a separate identity, Chris favorited and commented on a number of gay [[pedofork]] [[anime]]s on [[YouTube]].<ref>[[:File:Recent Activity.jpg]]</ref>
* In his August 2014 Facebook posts, Chris identified himself as a 'tranny' and a 'Ho Mo' ''(for the ladies, [[Chris_and_English|according to him]])'', placed a marriage equality support symbol on his page's banner, and spoke about women being "supportive" of his choices. He's blissfully unaware (or ''outright doesn't care'') that all of this makes him look like he's come out of the closet. Not to mention, he calls himself a derogatory term for transsexuals.
* He [[October_2014_Facebook_Posts#Chris_hits_up_a_gay_bar_.28seriously.29|went to a gay bar on Halloween 2014]].
* He is a member of the local [https://www.facebook.com/groups/eventsatimpuslegsc gay club] on facebook.
* He once glitterbombed Sega. Glitterbombing was started by the gay community as a way to protest opponents of gay marriage.
* His [[26 December 2014|can of mace]] is colored pink.
* He posted a story on [[Facebook]] about him as [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] having sex with [[Magi-chan]] and getting pregnant.
* The tote bag he used at [[OmegaCon]] had a marriage equality logo and the words "TOTES GAY" written in bold capitals on it.
* In his [[Twelve New and Old Things of Christmas]] video, his song mentions how his true love had given him "drag kings, and the transmales that have "not" have the operation change yet".

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Homosexuality}}

* [[Chris and religion]]
* [[Chris and sex]]
* [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
* [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]
* [[Gay 4 Sonichu]]
* [[Gaybian]] (a "male lesbian", according to Chris)
* [[Heather Iglesias]]
* [[It's UGH!]]
* [[Magi-Chan]]
* [[Rainbow]]
* [[Reldnahc Naitsirhc]]
* [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]
* [[Tomgirl]]

==Sources==
<references/>

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Homos]]

Template:ListOfVideos/1994-2008

2017-02-03T20:17:55Z

Herman255:

<div style="clear:right; float:right;">__TOC__</div>

==1994==

* '''[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]''' ''26 [[February 1994]]'' (2:05) {{Television}} {{Video games}} {{RainbowBoy}} {{Leaked}} The local news does a piece on Chris, who just won a contest held in [[1993]] to promote the ''Adventures of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' cartoon.

==1998==

* '''[[Song of Christian]]''' ''15 [[May 1998]]'' (20:57) {{Rage}} {{Tragedy}} {{Leaked}} Chris, who was 16 at the time, reads a poem for his class, and rages over it getting an F.

* '''[[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]''' ''4 [[June 1998]]'' (13:18) {{Video games}} {{Leaked}} Chris films a series of videos on his Game Boy Camera.

==1999==

* '''[[Chris Chan in the PokéNews]]''' ''16 [[October 1999]]'' (2:02) {{Television}} {{PokeShirt}} {{Leaked}} The local news do a fluff piece on the rise of the [[Pokémon]] fandom, and a 17-year-old Chris happens to be among the children playing the game.

==2001==

* '''[[The City of Cwicville Tour!]]''' ''12 [[July 2001]]'' (:50) {{Leaked}} {{Direct Feed}} Chris films a tour of [[CWCville]] on his Game Boy Camera.

==2003==

* '''[[Animal Crossing Documentary]]''' ''22 [[November 2003]]'' (55:54) {{Video games}} {{Website}} {{Direct Feed}} {{Leaked}} Chris wastes a whole hour giving tours of his 2 towns in ''[[Animal Crossing]]''.

==2004==

* '''[[The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special]]''' ''7 [[June 2004]]'' (24:28) {{Video games}} {{Direct Feed}} {{Leaked}} Chris makes an anniversary tribute to his parents in ''Animal Crossing'', providing valuable background on his parents and how they met in a bar.

* '''[[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend]]''' ''20 [[December 2004]]'' (7:02) {{Music}} {{Sex}} Chris sings the first track by [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]], and his rewrite of "All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth" by Spike Jones.

* '''[[ChandlerFamilyChristmas2004]]''' ''25 [[December 2004]]'' (11:40) {{Leaked}} Chris and his [[Borb|parents]] open presents.

* '''[[ChrisAfterChristmas2004]]''' ''25 [[December 2004]]'' (1:16) {{Leaked}} Chris talks about his [[Christmas]] day and his gal-pal [[Sarah Hammer]].

==2005==

* '''[[Harvey Birdman Commercial]]''' ''24 [[February 2005]]'' (:30) {{Television}} {{Comedy}} {{ClassicShirt}} Chris rambles on about [[Mary Lee Walsh]] in a commercial for the ''Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law'' Vol. 1 DVD set.

==2006==

* '''[[Pixelated PS3]]''' ''28 [[November 2006]]'' (:54) {{Video games}} {{ClassicShirt}} Chris showcases his PS2 covered in [[Pixelblocks]].

==2007==

* '''[[KCWC broadcast|C.W.C.'s SlideShow of Photographs, Art, and Comics]]''' ''24 [[February 2007]]'' (1:34:12) {{Music}} {{Leaked}} Chris films an ''extremely'' '''''boring''''' slideshow, set to the [[KCWC broadcast]], ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]'', and other assorted pop cuts.

* '''[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]''' ''24 [[February 2007]]'' (9:02) {{Reason}} {{ClassicShirt}} In celebration of his milestone 25th birthday, Chris proactively delivers his manifesto, and also summarizes how the lessons he has learned in his life should be applied.

*'''[[Soul Calibur#Chris vs Mary Lee Walsh|Soul Calibur: Chris vs Mary Lee Walsh]]''' ''1 [[May 2007]]'' (1:24) {{Violence}} {{Video games}} {{Rage}} {{Crazy}} {{Direct Feed}} Chris takes revenge against Mary Lee Walsh by beating up her effigy in a fighting game on the easiest setting.

* '''[[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]]''' ''29 [[June 2007]]'' (3:18) {{Music}} {{Video games}} {{Comedy}} {{Stackhouse}} {{OrangeShirt}} Chris does a rap for the titular competition.

* '''[[CWC is Angry]]''' ''[[August 2007]]'' (2:15) {{Violence}} {{Rage}} {{Stackhouse}} {{ClassicShirt}} Chris shoots a photo of contest winner [[Adam Stackhouse]].

* '''[[Captain's Log, Stardate November 7th, 2007]]''' (8:11) {{Reason}} {{ED}} {{YellowRedStripeShirt}} Chris assumes the ED contributors have simply misunderstood him and his work, and attempts to re-introduce himself so that things can start over on the right foot.

==August 2008==

* '''[[Madman Rising]]''' (9:52) {{Rage}} {{ED}} {{RedShirt}} Chris delivers a huge message to all his haters.

* '''[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 6th, 2008]]''' (2:13) {{Comics}} {{ED}} {{PokeShirt}} Chris addresses only those ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' fans who do not hate him, telling them to send hate e-mail to [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] until the ED page is deleted, so that he can work on his comics in peace.

* '''[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 8th, 2008]]''' (4:42) {{Comics}} {{ED}} {{SouthAfricaFlagShirt}} Chris realizes that ED is down, and commands his followers to withhold donations for a new server.

* '''[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 15th, 2008]]''' (6:27) {{ED}} {{SeaGreenPolo}} Chris concedes that, despite his best efforts, ED has successfully raised the funds needed to remain in operation, although he does not really admit failure in his campaign.

* '''[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 28th, 2008]]''' (12:06) {{Video games}} {{SeaGreenPolo}} Chris makes an extra long video to discuss [[JK Productions]]'s ''[[Sonichu (game)|Sonichu]]'', which he would later discover was an elaborate prank.

==September 2008==

* '''[[Captain's Log, Stardate September 11th, 2008]]''' (2:37) {{Tragedy}} {{Blanca}} {{Hill}} {{BlueRedSleeveRugby}} Chris realizes [[Blanca]] is a troll and asks his fans not to buy the ''Sonichu'' merchandise created by [[Jimmy Hill]].

* '''[[Captain's Log, Stardate September 13th, 2008]]''' (2:54) {{Video games}} {{Comics}} {{Blanca}} {{Hill}} {{JerkopShirt}} Chris now insists that Blanca is real and not responsible for tricking him after all.

* '''[[Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008]]''' (3:17) {{Galpals}} {{Music}} {{Stackhouse}} {{Panda}} {{DogShirt}} Chris assures his fans that he has not committed suicide.

* '''[[Chris Sex Videos]]''' ''25 [[September 2008]]'' (1:49) {{Sex}} {{Crazy}} {{Panda}} {{GreenWhiteStripe}} {{Leaked}} Chris records himself on webcam [[mass debating]] and performing terrifying animal impersonations for future sweetheart [[PandaHalo]].

==October 2008==

* '''[[We're Being Watched]]''' ''8 [[October 2008]]'' (:17) {{Crazy}} {{Blanca}} {{GreenBlackTrim}} Chris attempts to mimic ''Æon Flux''.

* '''[[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008]]''' (3:33) {{Blanca}} {{OrangeShirt}} Chris issues a statement regarding the revelation that the Blanca trolls have gotten his [[Sonichu medallion]].

* '''[[Captain's Log, Stardate Columbus Day, 2008]]''' (6:25) {{Video games}} {{Hill}} {{DogShirt}} Chris instructs fans to look out for ''Sonichu'' characters in ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' and reiterates that the Jimmy Hill merchandise is not official.

* '''[[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]]''' (4:05) {{Politics}} {{Trollsicon}} {{Homos}} {{Reason}} {{Blanca}} {{GreenWhiteStripe}} Chris grants his first ever online interview.

* '''[[Captain's Log, Stardate October 21st, 2008]]''' (3:27) {{Tragedy}} {{Blanca}} {{Hill}} {{VertRedShirt}} Chris issues a statement on Blanca breaking up with him over the photo of himself wearing his mother's underwear.

* '''[[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008]]''' (7:37) {{Comics}} {{Politics}} {{Smug}} {{Reason}} {{Hill}} {{ClassicShirt}} Chris answers questions from his fanbase.

* '''[[Sonichu & Chris Chan in Guitar Hero World Tour]]''' ''27 [[October 2008]]'' (4:51) {{Video games}} {{Music}} Chris introduces his representation of himself, and Sonichu artwork on his [[guitar]], in ''[[Guitar Hero]] World Tour''.

==December 2008==

* '''[[Captain's Log, Stardate December 28th, 2008]]''' (2:37) {{Video games}} {{Comics}} {{Clyde}} {{VertRedShirt}} Chris thanks his fans for helping him win a gift card in the GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes, offers condolences to the family of [[Ryan Cash]], and vows to complete the long-awaited Spring Break story for [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' 8]].
<noinclude>{{usage|1=This template is used to generate a segment of the content on the [[List of Videos]] page. This way, the article itself is much easier to manage. The format for using this template is as follows: 

'''<pre>{{ListOfVideos/1994-2008}}</pre>'''

- Displays:{{ListOfVideos/1994-2008}}
}}
[[Category:Article content templates|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>

Chris and hypocrisy

2017-01-25T05:00:46Z

Herman255:

{{quote|You're all just immature, [[naïve]], condescending, soulless monsters. You don't care about others, you only care about yourselves. You only care about getting your own laughs and kicks, because you don't h- you don't have your own social life!|[[Chris]], describing himself.<ref>[[Greene County Conspiracy]]</ref>}}

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|Chris breaking almost 30 years of proud sobriety due to the influence of ''[[The Simpsons]]''.]]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of claiming to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have.<ref>[[wikt:hypocrisy|Wiktionary: hypocrisy]]</ref>

Chris is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and self-examination due to his [[autism]] (but on a more self-inflicted level, his [[ego]]). Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Chris and religion|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], [[Greene County Conspiracy|conspiracies]] or the [[JERKS|entire male population]]. In the past he's faulted the [[Jerkop|police]], [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkop|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]]. When Chris can't fault other people for his problems, he relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change the world into one where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be forced to actually put effort into anything. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==

=== Maturity ===
{{quote|You're pitiful! Dang dirty trolls! So get it together! Move out of your basements!|Chris<ref>Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC</ref>}}

In the latter half of [[2009]], Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up". This was coming from a 27 year-old who has lived with his parents continually since graduating [[high school]], [[Chris's resume|has only been employed]] for two months of his entire life, lives in a room full of [[toys]], plays [[video games]] all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|U.S. government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his 30s, he still wears his [[high school ring]], uses his old high school colors in [[art]] projects (and when he wants to portray [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]]), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach. Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18–22 years old, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay and, like him, are rarely gainfully employed. Aged 27, Chris dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshman. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics "[[Count Graduon]]" in reference to his much hated [[Manchester High School#Graduation|high school graduation]].

There is also a chance that Chris, just as it is the case with the word "[[naïve]]", has been called out on his stupid bullshit numerous times with the command "grow up", and as a result views the phrase as a very harsh insult meant to be used on your enemies.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from playing video games and debasing himself on the Internet.

=== Work ===
{{quote|I say move on; GET A JOB, DUDE.|Chris<ref>[[Mailbag 7]]</ref>}}
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his entire life. On his résumé, Chris lists playing [[Pokémon]] cards with small children as volunteer work. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the [[The Game Place|hobby store]] where he played [[card games]].

Much like how acclaimed author [[Wikipedia:J. K. Rowling|J.K. Rowling]] went on benefits for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''[[Harry Potter]]'' book (a franchise which went on to make her one of the richest women in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] . And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish [[Charlottesville]] residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]] and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw ''Sonichu''. That is, if Chris were employable.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous rage]] in check, maintaining [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing tolerance and respect for [[Chris and Race|other people]], and [[Megan|keeping his hands off women]].

===Other people with mental disabilities ===
{{quote|yeeeeeah... generally, I do not feel comfortable associating with other autistic people, especially the non-high-funcional; it would be like looking through a window to hell to me.|Chris <ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref>}}

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[money]] and/or [[White knights|sympathy]] from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's a (high-functioning) [[autistic]]. However, Chris distances himself from others with autism, calling them "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" and "windows to hell."<ref>[[IRC (17 December 2008)]]</ref> Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and health|seriously physically deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded"<ref>[[Mumble 9.5]]</ref> and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "[[Ego|that's another story]]."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic. Yet they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues who need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' and nowhere else.

In the [[Mailbag]]s, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and [[Asperger's syndrome]], another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to [[Chores|mow a lawn]] or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're eighteen.

=== Tolerance ===
{{quote|...obviously you have not opened your mind to all things in life, and your religion is a closed-minded one.|Chris, shortly after condemning homosexuality<ref>[[Mailbag 7]]</ref>}}

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. He thinks it's normal for adults to [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit their pants]], and he found nothing strange about jerking off into a [[fapcup|cup]] and [[recycling|chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a [[YouTube]] video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll]] with a picture of his sweetheart taped to its face because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra]] that he wears happily. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]], and to mete out [[Sub-Episodes|harsh]], sometimes [[Sonichu 10#Forgiveness...?|lethal punishment]] on his perceived antagonists. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's [[Chris and Remorse|not ashamed]] of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them even the slightest amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's syndrome. [[Mailbag 7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[homos]]exuality and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that only one supposedly gay person (his [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school]] principal)<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8">[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to [[Megan]] that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it."<ref>[[Common Questions#1 January 2010]]</ref> Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they do behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

Chris also criticized [[wikipedia:Mike Pence|Mike Pence]] in Facebook and Twitter posts for his anti-LGBT stance, when he also hates gays himself merely because they are [[JERKS|male]]. Even his Tomgirl phase hasn't changed his opinion on them.

=== Homosexuality ===
{{quote|While effeminancy is true for us, I feel the contents of that page (the Wikipedia page on "effeminacy") is against us, due to it addressing the homos.|Chris<ref>[[Tomboys_and_Tomgirls_of_Virginia#Re:_Coming_out_to_my_parents]]</ref>}}

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that [[homos]] are an abomination before GodJesus. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay by saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage." While Chris often quotes the Bible when explaining his hatred of homosexuals, when pressed about his own abominations he will go into a confusing rant about how God only wants people to be happy and not worry about a myriad of rules. In a stunning display of hypocrisy, Chris is quite adamant to others that he is not wrong in ignoring any Old Testament verses against pornography or masturbation, as the Old Testament is "more for Jewish people," but the one Old Testament passage regarding homosexuality that he heard on ''[[Family Guy]]'' is still valid.

In his [[Date Ed#Chris Chan’s Heroic Dream for Our Community NOW and in the Future|essay about]] his utterly [[Slow-in-the-Minds|retarded]] idea for [[dating education]], he claims that homosexual relations are "unnatural", despite over 300 species of animals, including [[May 2015 Facebook posts#Did I Forget to Tell You About the Bonobos?|bonobos]], practicing it. Apparently there's only one species that practices homophobia. Go figure.

In the world of ''Sonichu'', the villainous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her [[Silvana|trap]] shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with drinking his own [[semen]], and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the PS2 game ''[[Wikipedia:Katamari Damacy|Katamari Damacy]]'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "[[Chris's Big Night Out|I Love the Nightlife]]," and listens to music that is also iconic with gay men, such as the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]] and [[Britney Spears]]. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie. Chris also practices [[Tomgirl Pictures|crossdressing]] and shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.<ref>[[Bluespike PSN Chat 3]]</ref> That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== Chris's creations ===
{{quote|Jack Thaddeus... is wrongfully advertising his FAN FICTION, and I emphasize fan fiction, and parodic [[Asperchu]]|Chris, the TRUE AND HONEST creator of [[Sonichu]] complaining about fan fiction.<ref>[[Down with Asperchu]]</ref>}}

Chris is extremely protective of [[Sonichu]] and the whole [[Sonichu (comic)|media franchise]] he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris has neither the rights to Sonichu nor an original work.

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements with various bits stolen from a [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|great number of sources]]. Chris has outright admitted that he steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from]]</ref> At the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation and has no problems dictating how people are allowed to use it.<ref>[[Down With Asperchu]]</ref> In short, he demonizes other works as "fan fiction" while failing to appreciate that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. Chris has sheltered himself from this realization by calling Sonichu a [[parody]], but shows no appreciation of other creations which he has labeled as parodies of his own work.

Since ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' allows reusing certain content, Chris also took a number of competently made designs in ''LittleBigPlanet'' and used them in his own levels — [[Download For Play Only|only to tell people not to do the same with his levels]] when the policy was changed and all levels were made downloadable and editable offline.

=== Privacy ===
{{quote|Daniel Mimms knows a LOT about me. I have divulged a number of juicy stories with him during our card games. Do not believe his denial of any knowledge or association with me.|Chris, encouraging people to troll his former friend. <ref>[[Facebook#Mimms]]</ref>}}

In the Mailbags, Chris describes [[CWCville]] as a place where homosexuality is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then ''fined US$500''.

Several days later, Chris used the ''Sonichu'' comic to rail against celebrity news website [[Wikipedia:TMZ.com|TMZ.com]] for invading the privacy of his Electric Hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and [[Robbie Sonee]] describing unusual interactions with a lizard.<ref>[[:File:SchuComic10P36.jpg]]</ref> This could possibly stem from Chris being unfavorably featured on local news with a [[I Got A Fish|video]] of his.

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video]] of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras, to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman]] actually willing to participate.

Although Chris originally lost his shit when [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]] released a candid photograph of him at [[The GAMe PLACe]] to the Internet, he had no qualms about walking into the same store (a privately owned establishment that he had been permanently banned from) and [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|surreptitiously recording an audio conversation]] without the [[Michael Snyder|other party's]] consent. Chris later spread the audio in an attempt to gain sympathy, missing the irony completely. He later [[6 June 2010|tried to take a photograph of that same person]], but was stopped when he noticed Chris outside with a camera. A little over a year later, he would [[28 October 2011|return to this very store]] and take more pictures of the man without his consent, with the incident finally ending in his arrest for hit and run. Even to the time of this writing, Chris has not learned at all; he posted on his [[Facebook]] a rapidly taken photo of an angry woman for giving him a "difficult time."

=== "He sets me on fire!" - Slander ===
[[Image:BurnedMySeat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris, March 2008: [[You know what, I HATE ME TOO!!!|"I set my ASS ON FIRE!"]] Chris, January 2010: [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|"He sets me on fire!"]]]]
It is evident to the readers of ''Sonichu'' that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he incorporated them into the comic and had his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) beat them up.

The main victim of this treatment was [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupt Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself into a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. He gave the same treatment to many people who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if it was contained in the comic itself or was used for comedic effect. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated (without success) to [[To Clyde and Jack|commit suicide]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[Pickle|genitalia]]. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with [[Liquid Chris]], he issued [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]] and tried to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he made a [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] of him shooting Liquid in the shins after disarming him. When Kacey asked him why this was depicted in the comic, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/comics/pl/23109 business end of a flamethrower]. Chris retaliated with a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he called the attack made on him "horrendous" and vowed that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] would avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution, but not before mentioning the fiery incident one more time.

While Chris rallies against people making accusations of him on the internet (even those of which are true) Chris has no problem accusing others of the most horrible things imaginable. In the [[Calling Out#Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Calling Out]] series, Chris blatantly accuses [[Michael Snyder]] of ''molesting his daughter''. This is in direct contrast with Chris's [[Sonichu 10|comic]] where he illustrates clearly how he's ready to travel in the future and hoodwink his "to-be" [[Lovely Weather|wife]] into having sex with him. If we add a song [[IPods Down and Listen Up|he wrote and performed]] describing him in the act of [[Chris_and_sex#Rape|sexually assaulting]] a [[Niggos|black woman]], it hardly makes Chris a paragon of puritanical virtues.

==="Well-Informed to Expert in sex" - Women===
Chris's hypocrisy is also evident within the astronomically-high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders are:

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|welfare checks]], yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|obese]], lazy slob, yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]." Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is [[Common Questions#30 January 2010|opposed to the death penalty]]. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the CWCipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. The implication of this is that serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], hypocritically, '''as he listed off all the ways in which he had wronged them.'''

Capital punishment became the subject of two videos over the next year. The first video was [[05142010]], in which Chris showed us that he thinks twenty years of menial labor is a suitable punishment for murdering a woman in real life. This is, of course, two and a half months after he revealed that he thought genital mutilation via a large drill was an appropriate response to forcing him to stop using a comic character that he had stolen in the first place. The second video was [[DivineTrial]], in which Chris acted out a pretend trial for [[Clyde Cash]], using a [[Shadow the Hedgehog]] doll to stand in for Clyde. The trial was eerily similar to the trial of the Asperpedia Four in the comic, and ends with Clyde's execution via gunshot for the crime of cyberbullying, although this time Chris also includes that his [[PandaHalo|wife]] and child would be [[women's rights|given to]] another man, as appointed by the government.

==="I would never do blood and gore. That's just gross" - Mature content===
[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|Pictured: Blood and gore.]]

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris rails heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref name="Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8"/> Furthermore, Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[PandaHalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric chair and firing squad, respectively. The deaths of Evan and Mao were particularly severe offenders. Evan was shackled to a wall and mutilated with drills for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently blasted to death by Wild and Sandy. This included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, Chris telekinetically burst his heart.

Chris also has difficulties understanding other mature themes, such as sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|he puts stickers over genitalia]]. When asked about all of the sex and violence via mailbag, Chris blamed the FCC.<ref>[[Mailbag_51#The_recent_explosion_of_pornography_in_TV-Y7_cartoons_is_not_Chris.27s_fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> Chris has stated that [[Mailbag 47#Children will be seeing furry porn in real life|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. When it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris censors swear words (including vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "damn" and "crap") and scolds others for using them. ''Sonichu'' #10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime.

=== Leaving the Internet forever ===
{{quote|I REALLY DO NOT LIKE HOOKING UP ONLINE; IN-PERSON OR BUST FOR ME.|Chris<ref>Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010</ref>}}
On the afternoon of 21 March 2010, Chris announced he was [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|leaving the Internet]] for good with a [[Chris and ego|pompous and bombastic]] speech about how the Internet was trivial and unimportant and everyone should go outside and socialize, and stated that the social networking capabilities of the Internet were a [[Pokémon|stupid fad]] which was long since over. Chris acknowledged that putting his [[Dox|personal information]] on the Internet was a bad idea ([[Little_Big_Planet#The_Guardian_of_the_Owl_Kingdom|one]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|many]]), and promised he would no longer upload Sonichu comics or interact with trolls, online or by phone. He resolved to get the Sonichu comics published and interact with real people in his [[Charlottesville|community]].

On the evening of 22 March — about a day and a half later — he uploaded a short video where he claimed that he was still depressed, and then went on to state his disapproval with a new voice actor on [[Family Guy]] spin-off ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' and demanded that the old voice actor resume the role. Chris might be excused for breaking his promise to make a video announcing a major life change, like a [[Bob Chandler|death in the family]], [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|returning to school]], [[Wendy's|finding gainful employment]], or even giving an [[Chris and remorse|actual apology]] to a [[Megan Schroeder|former friend]] he offended with [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|his behavior]]. Instead, Chris chose to make a video simply for the sake of making a video complaining about something inconsequential that didn't affect his life in any way.

As well, Chris keeps posting more and more videos afterward. When he does, he makes the same claim - that he is "distancing himself from the Internet". However, distancing himself from the Internet is certainly not the same as leaving the Internet. He's still on there, even when he's playing on the PSN.

Even though Chris, since [[Bob]]'s death, has not uploaded any videos, he still uses the internet, most visibly posting to [[Facebook]]. That all changed, however, when Chris uploaded [[I Love You, Catherine|a surprise video]] in [[October 2014]].

===Romantic rivalry===
{{quote|...you know my address, right? You got MapQuest to come all the way over? |Chris, trying to entice a woman to cheat on her boyfriend.<ref>Kacey Call 1</ref>}}
One thing consistent in his [[Love Quest|efforts to get laid]] is his lamenting of women who are already in stable relationships. He, by default, hates all other [[JERKS|men]] simply because women have the option of being with any one of them over him. When he believes he's found a [[sweetheart]], he's [[Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris wants to know why she sat on Christopher's lap|insecure]] and [[Media:291-ACWesBck.jpg|jealous]] that [[Man in the Pickle Suit|someone]] will try to take her away.

And yet at the same time, he has no problem in attempting to sabotage [[Kacey|other people's relationships]] and [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|taunting]] [[New Address|former boyfriends.]]

==="I really feel offended when they get soo flamboyant with their ways..." - Flamboyancy===
[[Image:TG20.jpg|thumb|Hear that, homos? Chris is offended by your flamboyance!]]

When Chris's activities on the [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] forum were revealed, it was no surprise that he had gone on one of his usual tirades against homosexuals, saying that it's like homos are shoving their flamboyancy in your face. Consider for one minute that, on that same forum, Chris had openly admitted that he has [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|recently been using the women's washroom]], and even on one occasion had someone complain about him and was likewise shouted at. So not only is Chris cavorting about in women's clothing in public on a regular basis, he has now taken to using the improper washroom, much to the chagrin of those around him. Call Chris's new found behavior what you will: closet homosexuality, a desperate plea for attention, symbolically castrating himself to subconsciously evoke his frivolity, or getting in touch with his 'feminine side' (as he calls it). Whatever it is, he sure as hell is shoving it in people's faces.

What is surprising, though, is how quickly two-faced Chris can get. When trying to [[Calling Out|expose]] [[Jack Thaddeus]], he revealed that not only was he transsexual, but also having gone through a sex change and was using it to go after guys. While Chris was supportive of being a "fellow Tomgirl", he wasn't supportive of the fact that he was going after guys. Consider the fact that, at one time, Chris stated that he would rather have a sex change than be gay. Thus, to Chris, having a sex change is still fine and dandy only if you're going after [[china]].

==="If you are not careful, you really are going to go to jail." - Law===

Chris often attempts to get trolls in trouble with the law, claiming they should be given prison sentences for (sometimes completely legal) acts that [[Chris_and_the_Law#Law_troubles|he himself has also committed.]]

After watching YouTube videos posted by [[Liquid Chris]], Chris threw a [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|childish fit]] in which he threatened to call authorities because Liquid was impersonating him. He, however, had no qualms claiming to be Liquid to try to trick [[Kacey]] into [[China|coming over to visit him.]]

When he found out that [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was dating a girl named [[Kathleen]], Chris accused Howell of statutory rape, as at the time Howell was 20 and Kathleen was 17, either ignoring or oblivious to the fact that several state technicalities might make their relationship entirely legal. Chris later depicts himself winning the affection of 17-year-old [[Meg Griffin]] in [[Sonichu 10]], which he makes no effort to reject.

Chris and his parents have threatened numerous trolls with harassment charges, completely disregarding the fact that [[Love Quest|harassment is what Chris does best.]] Not to mention that, whatever the trolls have done, Chris's [[Death threats|public reactions]] are far more disturbing, violent, and can legally be interpreted as threats to their subjects' safety. Because of his flagrant disregard for [[Mary_Lee_Walsh#Possible_reconciliation|trespassing notices]] and the definition of what the word "banned" means, [[28 October 2011|he was to appear in front of a judge]].

In the third of the [[Calling Out]] videos, Chris has the gall to vaguely tell Surfshack Tito and Thorg that "the police will catch up with [them]" right after expressing the purpose of the series: To blackmail the two of them into sending him cash. In the next video, Chris admitted that these demands are extortion and retracts them, but in the video immediately afterwards, seemed to once again expect the money.

==="We do not like to stand under one leader." - Authoritarianism===

In the [[Re-Calling Ahuvia]] video, Chris continues to drop info on fellow lolcow and autistic manchild [http://www.adfki.com/index.php?title=ADF Ahuviya Harel], the man/woman he believed was Jack Thaddeus, mocking him/her for his/her communist views. While Ahuviya is infamous for his/her admiration of the Soviet Union and for understanding very little of the principles of his/her ideology other than as a framing device for his/her violent fantasies, Chris likewise, as a man(child) who [[Chris and Religion|does not understand many of the finer points of his own religion other than the bits condemning homosexuality]] [[A Public Announcement for Congress|and believes that the Federal Government just magically pulls welfare money out of its ass]] probably has no idea of what Communism is, other than that it was the ideology of [[China|some people who did some not very nice things in its name]] and that some countries that followed it were on the United States' shitlist at one time or another. This was further evidenced by Chris breaking out the [[Donald Duck impersonation]] and singing "[[Wikipedia:Der Fuehrer's Face|Der Fuehrer's Face]]", despite the fact that Adolf Hitler was not a communist and in fact [[Wikipedia:First they came...|Communists, Trade Unionists, and other leftists were some of the first victims of the Holocaust]].

Perhaps the most ironic part of Chris's sudden condemnation of authoritarianism is, of course, [[CWCville]]. While CWCville was at first mostly just Chris's imaginary hugbox, with places like the [[CWCville Shopping Center]] (held in high regard by Chris, as his mayoral office is located there) showcasing Chris's [[naive]], mindless materialistic and consumerist tendencies. However, as Chris's conflicts with the [[trolls]] escalated, some unpleasant things began to occur. Suddenly, with numerous state-funded Soup Hotels for the homeless began to crop up after the city-state's economy apparently collapsed and left thousands upon thousands jobless on the streets. Later on, in particular during the events of [[Sonichu 10]], Chris began to show signs of being a ruthless dictator, with CWCville as a dystopian nightmare, such as the trial of the [[Asperchu|Asperpedia 4]], who were given no defense, had little evidence of [[Simonla Rosechu|their crimes]] presented, and yet were found guilty and subject to horrific torture and execution at the hands of Chris and his cronies.

While one could argue that CWCville is simply a harmless, childish fantasy that has been corrupted by Chris's reactions to the trolls, Chris [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#THAT DOES NOT MATTER (CCS)|actually believes that it is real]], and, given [[Death Threats|some of his reactions to the trolls]], one would do well not to think [[A Girl Who Brought Down the World|what would happen if he actually had that level of power in real life]].

==="Look at his 'slender' figure" - Obesity===
Chris seems to be completely unaware of his own weight, possibly a result of the self-image he formed over the course of high school. His [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|portrayal of himself in the comics]] is often incredibly flattering in terms of appearance. It once got to the point that the irony of [[Sammy|him writing a "fat" version of himself into the comics]] was completely lost on him. He regularly describes himself as "average" at worst.

And yet, he regularly derides others for their weight, most notably in the [[Calling Out]] series, where, he repeatedly called [[Calling Out "Alec Benson Leary" - Christopher|Alec]] and [[Calling Out "Tito" - Don|Surfshack Tito]] "fat." He even had the balls to say [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|"[Christopher Paul Whitney]'s fat! Iiiiii'm thin!"]] during the outing of Alec Benson Leary. It's possible he might even have contempt for fat people--during his [[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki#Christianchandler|November 4 edits to the CWCki]] he changed the description of [[Michael Snyder]]'s image to "Michael Snyder, the dirty '''Fat''', child-molesting <s>Jew</s> gentile," adding the emphasis himself. While it might be that he simply does not realize how much his appearance had changed since he was a teen, his constant insulting of other people's weight is a blatant case of self-contradiction.

==="Sonic's arms are NOT blue!!!" - Blue Arms===
[[File:001-Christophers1stSonic.jpg|thumb|200px|"I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue!!!"]]
In 2014, Chris began [[Sonic Boom Protests|protesting]] ''Sonic Boom'' due to the relatively minor change of making the famed hedgehog's arms blue instead of their usual fleshy color. Chris's hatred for this insignificant change is so passionate that he [[26 December 2014|actually got himself arrested for assaulting a GameStop employee]] after said employee tried to stop him from vandalizing ''Sonic Boom'' merchandise. However, Chris is guilty of exactly the same thing, because in his first drawing of Sonic the Hedgehog, he is depicted with blue arms. Furthermore, documents were leaked on 12 [[January 2015]], revealing that Chris actually has both ''Sonic Boom'' games--naturally, he felt the need to post a long tirade on his Facebook and claim Catherine sent him a copy.

==="Worrying Mongoose Knows How You Feel!" - Memes===
On 18 [[December 2014]], Chris posted a long tirade on why he hates trolls, as well as a section dedicated to his sheer anger after playing the infamous Nintendo eShop game ''Meme Run'', and his comparing of famous memes in the game to trolls. However, Chris is guilty of using memes, because [[January 2015|the next month]], he posted an image macro featuring Sunil the Mongoose from the 2012 ''Littlest Pet Shop'' series, detailing his feel of worry.

==="Parodies in jest" - Maturity===
In October 2016, Chris [[October 2016 Facebook posts#Pmurt should take parodies in jest|criticized]] Presidential Candidate [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]], saying that he should have taken "[[Asperchu|a parody]] [[Liquid Chris|of himself]] [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|in jest]]."

==="He is very spiteful" - Spite===
In July 2016, Chris said that [[Pmurt]] "is very spiteful."<ref>[[July 2016 Facebook posts#Christine's Driver's License and Woman's Card]]</ref>

In November, upon Pmurt winning the US election, Chris reacted by making multiple death threats and prayers.

==="Womanizing and raping actions" - Sexual Misconduct===
In November 2016, Chris called President [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]] a womanizer and a rapist, in reference to molestation allegations against him. Chris himself has molested [[Megan Schroeder|several]] [[Catherine|women]], and, unlike Trump, most of [[Megan_emails,_2008#Megan_is_fed_up|these incidents]] are [[Catherine#The_bowling_outing|well documented]]. Chris doesn't seem to grasp the concept that woman aren't in to being touched by him. While he bragged to Catherine that he's learned to respect women's personal space after the Megan fiasco, he disproved himself soon after by planting his face into her breasts. However, Chris still thinks Trump's sexual misconduct is enough justify his [[Death Threats|death prayers]] against the President.

===Don't end up "as a full-on Super Stereotypical, Spiteful and Egotistical Male" - Kindness===
In January 2017, Chris typed out an [[January 2017 Facebook Posts#Open letter to Barron Trump|open letter to Barron Trump]], in which he urges Barron not to become a "Super Stereotypical, Spiteful and Egotistical Male" like his father, President Trump. This came after two months of Chris [[Pmurt#Death Threats|constantly trying to organize prayers for the elder Trump's death]]. As for [[ego]], Chris spent much of the essay whining about how trolls affected his own life.

==Chris on hypocrisy==
{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; [[Chris and English|an adjective]]; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[True and Loyal Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan]]. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for [[Asperchu|a newer, yet badly drawn, thing]], after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is very broad, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an [[CWCville|extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist]].

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]'' games regardless of quality, and wear and display ''[[Pokémon]]'' merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed ''Sonic'' and ''Pokémon'' when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]
* [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9]]

{{Chris and}}

Chris and...

2016-12-10T05:37:00Z

Herman255: /* People */

{{Disambiguation}}__NOTOC__
'''Chris and...''' can refer to his...

===Life===
*[[Chris and health|Health]]
*[[Chris and religion|Religion]]
*[[Chris and money|Money]]
*[[Chris and sex|Sex]]
*[[Chris and television|Television]]
*[[Chris and fashion|Fashion]]
*[[Chris and brand loyalty|Brand loyalty]]
*[[Chris and gender|Gender]]

===Psyche===
*[[Chris and psychology|Psychology]]
*[[Chris and reality|Reality]]
*[[Chris and hypocrisy|Hypocrisy]]
*[[Chris and anger|Anger]]
*[[Chris and ego|Ego]]
*[[Chris and remorse|Remorse]]

===People===
*[[Chris and death|Death]]
*[[Chris and race|Race]]
*[[Chris and politics|Politics]]
*[[Chris and sexism|Sexism]]
*[[Chris and negotiation|Negotiation]]
*[[Chris and the law|The law]]
*[[Chris and the internet|The internet]]

===Comic===
*[[Chris and art|Art]]
*[[Chris and English|English]]
*[[Chris and writing|Writing]]
*[[Chris and the industry|The industry]]
*[[Chris and copyright|Copyright]]
*[[Chris and censorship|Censorship]]

===Skills===
*[[Chris and cinematography|Cinematography]]
*[[Chris and music|Music]]
*[[Chris and cosplaying|Cosplay]]
*[[Spanish]]
*[[Chris and contests|Contests]]

{{Chris and}}

Template:Relics of Fail

2016-12-05T21:46:13Z

Herman255: Added Naru, but I don't know if this is a major or minor relic of fail

{{Navbox
|name = Relics of Fail
|title = [[Relics of Fail]]
|group1 = Major Relics
|list1 = [[Amnyfest Ring]] • [[Attraction Sign]] • [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|"CWC on TV" DVD]] • [[Gitar of Fail|Gitar]] • [[Medallions]] • [[Waifu|Naru]] • [[PSEye]] • [[Scrapbook of Fail|Scrapbook]] • [[Un-clit]] • [[Sonic Totem]]
|group2 = Minor Relics
|list2 = [[Hand-drawn Nintendo Power magazine|Hand-drawn ''Nintendo Power'']] • [[Heart Torch of Fail|Heart Torch]] • [[Sonichu Amiibo]] • [[Pedo-Glasses]] • [[PSP of Fail|PSP]] • [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon poster]] • [[Son-Chu]] • [[Muscle bra]]

|group3 = Lesser Relics
|list3 = [[Autographed Photos]] • [[Belt Buckle of Fail|Belt buckle]] • [[Clown Doll]] • [[Idea Book Case|iDea Book Case]] • [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|Drinking Straw]] • [[Li'l Chris]] • [[Megatron pistol]] • [[Plush Breasts|Plush boobs]] • [[Wii|Wii Remote of Fail]] • [[Pocket knife]] • [[Pokéwalker of Fail|Pokéwalker]] • [[PS Move of Fail|PS Move]] • [[PlayStation Vita|PS Vita]]

|group4 = Shrines of Fail
|list4 = [[The Wall of Originals]] ([[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|list]]) • [[Megan Shrine|The Megan Shrine]]

|group5 = The Holy Fails
|list5 = [[Autism papers]] • [[Crumple-Lope]] • [[Honor roll|Transcripts and report cards]]
}}
<noinclude>{{usage|1=This is a navigational template (navbox) for articles related to the [[Relics of Fail]]. The format for using this template is as follows: 

'''<nowiki>{{</nowiki>{{PAGENAME}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki>'''

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January 2017

2016-12-01T18:41:56Z

Herman255:

'''January''' will be the first month of '''[[2017]]'''.

== Events ==

* 21 January - [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]] will take office, succeeding [[Barack Obama]].

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Timeline}}

January 2017

2016-11-25T17:26:33Z

Herman255: Created page with "January is the first month of '''2017'''. As President-elect Trump will take office on 21 January, and Chris' ongoing Financhu Crisis, it may likely result in on..."

January is the first month of '''2017'''. As President-elect [[Pmurt|Trump]] will take office on 21 January, and Chris' ongoing [[Financhu Crisis]], it may likely result in one of the most interesting years in Christory.

==Events of January 2017==

* 21 January - Donald Trump will take office, succeeding [[Barack Obama]].

==Sources==
<references/>

{{Timeline}}

Template:Timeline

2016-11-25T17:21:46Z

Herman255:

{| id="toc" width="70%" style="text-align:left; clear:both;" align=center
|- style="background:#ccccff" align="center" width="95%"
| '''[[CWChronology]]'''
|-
| style="font-size:11px" |
<center>
'''By year:''' 
'''[[Pre-1980]]''' · '''[[1980s]]''' · '''[[1990s]]''' · '''[[2000s]]''' · '''[[2010s]]

'''[[1990s]]''' —
[[1999]]

'''[[2000s]]''' —
[[2000]] ·
[[2001]] ·
[[2002]] ·
[[2003]] ·
[[2004]] ·
[[2005]] ·
[[2006]] ·
[[2007]] ·
[[2008]] ·
[[2009]]

'''[[2010s]] — '''
[[2010]] ·
[[2011]] ·
[[2012]] ·
[[2013]] ·
[[2014]] ·
[[2015]] ·
[[2016]] ·
[[2017]]
 
 
'''By month:''' 
'''[[2009]] — '''
[[January 2009|Jan]] ·
[[February 2009|Feb]] ·
[[March 2009|Mar]] ·
[[April 2009|Apr]] ·
[[May 2009|May]] ·
[[June 2009|June]] ·
[[July 2009|July]] ·
[[August 2009|Aug]] ·
[[September 2009|Sept]] ·
[[October 2009|Oct]] ·
[[November 2009|Nov]] ·
[[December 2009|Dec]]

'''[[2010]] — ''' [[January 2010|Jan]] · [[February 2010|Feb]] · [[March 2010|Mar]] · [[April 2010|Apr]] · [[May 2010|May]] · [[June 2010|June]] · [[July 2010|July]] · [[August 2010|Aug]] · [[September 2010|Sept]] · [[October 2010|Oct]] · [[November 2010|Nov]] · [[December 2010|Dec]]

'''[[2011]] — ''' [[January 2011|Jan]] · [[February 2011|Feb]] · [[March 2011|Mar]] · [[April 2011|Apr]] · [[May 2011|May]] · [[June 2011|June]] · [[July 2011|July]] · [[August 2011|Aug]] · [[September 2011|Sept]] · [[October 2011|Oct]] · [[November 2011|Nov]] · [[December 2011|Dec]]

'''[[2012]] — ''' [[January 2012|Jan]] · [[February 2012|Feb]] · [[March 2012|Mar]] · [[April 2012|Apr]] · [[May 2012|May]] · [[June 2012|June]] · [[July 2012|July]] · [[August 2012|Aug]] · [[September 2012|Sept]] · [[October 2012|Oct]] · [[November 2012|Nov]] · [[December 2012|Dec]]

'''[[2013]] — ''' [[January 2013|Jan]] · [[February 2013|Feb]] · [[March 2013|Mar]] · [[April 2013|Apr]] · [[May 2013|May]] · [[June 2013|June]] · [[July 2013|July]] · [[August 2013|Aug]] · [[September 2013|Sept]] · [[October 2013|Oct]] · [[November 2013|Nov]] · [[December 2013|Dec]]

'''[[2014]] — ''' [[January 2014|Jan]] · [[February 2014|Feb]] · [[March 2014|Mar]] · [[April 2014|Apr]] · [[May 2014|May]] · [[June 2014|June]] · [[July 2014|July]] · [[August 2014|Aug]] · [[September 2014|Sept]] · [[October 2014|Oct]] · [[November 2014|Nov]] · [[December 2014|Dec]]

'''[[2015]] — ''' [[January 2015|Jan]] · [[February 2015|Feb]] · [[March 2015|Mar]] · [[April 2015|Apr]] · [[May 2015|May]] · [[June 2015|June]] · [[July 2015|July]] · [[August 2015|Aug]] · [[September 2015|Sept]] · [[October 2015|Oct]] · [[November 2015|Nov]] · [[December 2015|Dec]]

'''[[2016]] — ''' [[January 2016|Jan]] · [[February 2016|Feb]] · [[March 2016|Mar]] · [[April 2016|Apr]] · [[May 2016|May]] · [[June 2016|June]] · [[July 2016|July]] · [[August 2016|Aug]] · [[September 2016|Sept]] · [[October 2016|Oct]] · [[November 2016|Nov]] · [[December 2016|Dec]]

'''[[2017]] — ''' [[January 2017|Jan]] · [[February 2017|Feb]] · [[March 2017|Mar]] · [[April 2017|Apr]] · [[May 2017|May]] · [[June 2017|June]] · [[July 2017|July]] · [[August 2017|Aug]] · [[September 2017|Sept]] · [[October 2017|Oct]] · [[November 2017|Nov]] · [[December 2017|Dec]]

|}<noinclude>{{usage|1=This is a navigational template (navbox) for articles related to the [[CWChronology]]. The format for using this template is as follows: 

'''<nowiki>{{</nowiki>{{PAGENAME}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki>'''

- Displays:{{ {{PAGENAME}} }}
}}

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<includeonly>
{{#ifeq: {{lc:{{{nocat|false}}}}} | false | {{ Namespace detect | main = [[Category:Chronology]] | other = [[Category:Chronology]] }} }}
</includeonly>

Help, please

2016-11-22T00:17:35Z

Herman255:

:''This article is about the begging video from 21 November 2016. For the series of begs from July 2016, see [[HELP, PLEASE!!!]]''
Another lazy attempt of Chris soliciting donations through YouTube--apparently because his mortgage is due. He dispassionately admits his appreciation for all the handouts over the past year and a half. He ends the video by wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Help, please
| video = {{#ev:youtube|gMVaxFmeJE0}}
| stardate = 21 November 2016
| maker = CwcvilleGuardian
| subject = {{(Handouts)|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| Saga = {{Financhu Crisis|text}}
| shirt =
| previous = [[I Tweet AND Post Simultaneously]]
| next =
}}

''Description''
{{quotebox|
PayPal to ChrisChanSonichu@aol.com

via YouTube Capture
}}

===Transcript===

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2016]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Financhu Crisis

2016-11-22T00:16:07Z

Herman255: /* October */

[[File:Please, Donate (720p).mp400001.png ‎|thumb|400px|Chris's online activity for much of 2016]]
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Begging Counter}}

The '''Financhu Crisis''' is a term coined by users from [https://kiwifarms.net '''Kiwi Farms'''] to describe the steep decline in the Chandler family's financial management beginning in early [[2016]].

Signs of the Chandlers' worsening finances were made apparent by the increasing amounts of begging videos and donation requests on [[YouTube]] and [[FaceBook]].

Given that [[Barb]] is elderly on a [[tugboat|fixed income]], and [[Chris]] is [[stress|''lazy'']] on a fixed income, one could only bleakly speculate what will happen when Chris is eventually left to fend for himself once Barb is no longer around.

==Summary==

[[File:Financhu Wordle.png ‎|thumb|400px|A wordcloud of the videos and Facebook posts Chris made during the Financhu Crisis. Note how big "money" and "donations" are...]]
To this day, the Chandlers' financial woes are caused by their own irresponsible behaviors. Chris, [[Chris and money|learning absolutely nothing over the years]], has squandered any available money on [[Lego|children's toys]], [[PS4|video games]], [[McDonalds|fast food]], and [[sex toys]]. Barb, on the other hand, has simply been ignoring long-term debts and letting them pile up to alarming amounts.

'''Chris''' has made some half-assed efforts (but ''efforts'', nonetheless) to generate some income for the household over the past few years, which included opening an [[Etsy|Etsy shop]] and selling various possessions on [[eBay]]. The Etsy shop (started in 2015) proved to be a somewhat successful venture for Chris, as he made a fair amount of revenue out of butchering Nintendo Amiibos into makeshift Sonichu merchandise. These efforts would eventually be for naught, as Chris immediately spent the profits on expensive Lego sets as soon as he got the money. His Etsy shop eventually got shut down when he began to [[Stress|not fulfill new orders]] for months on end, likely due to him finding more interest in shameless begging for money online [[Chris and reality|in return for nothing]]. He then started listing a few items on eBay ([[Chris_and_negotiation#His_sales_on_eBay_and_Craigslist|demanding ridiculous prices]]), but achieved little profit with only managing to sell a rare Pokemon card or two. Chris has found some new success in acquiring donations from all of that e-begging, but like the profits from the Etsy store, the money immediately gets blown on [[toys]] and [[video games|games]].

'''Barb''' seems to have outstanding debt that would appear to dwarf Chris' financial handiwork. As of [[September 2016]], she faced lawsuits from Discover Bank and Capital One for failing to pay the large amounts of her credit card debt, according to Virginia District Court records. It is worth noting that it takes a lot of ignored [[Trolls|debt collector]] calls over a long period of time to get a simple credit card debt escalated to a lawsuit, suggesting that Barb may have been outright ignoring making any payments to her credit cards. Only time will tell if more creditor companies begin to sue Barb for her neglect. In [[August 2016]], Chris revealed that the household is still under a mortgage of $115,000, introducing a far more worrying debt looming over the horizon.

Both Chris and Barb continue to barely stay afloat with their lives thanks to their own [[tugboat]]s, but their lavish lifestyle of reckless spending will not last forever at this rate.

Despite it all, '''Chris has not once attempted to find a job'''.

==Outstanding Debts==
{{Incomplete}}

This table summarizes various unpaid debts charged to credit cards and other owed amounts between Chris and Barb over the course of the "Financhu Crisis". Keep in mind that these are only amounts found by [[CWCki|Christorians]] via Chris' Facebook posts and Virginia District Court public records. The Chandlers could likely be in deeper debt than we know.

{| class="wikitable sortable"
|-
!data-sort-type="date"|Date
!data-sort-type="string"|Item
!data-sort-type="currency" |Amount
|-
|1 March 2016
|PS4 purchase (with credit card)
!style="text-align:right;" |$540.00
|-
|16 March 2016
|Discover Bank court case
!style="text-align:right;" |$4,706.93
|-
|April 2016
|Payday loan
!style="text-align:right;" |$3,000
|-
|31 August 2016
|Mortgage (revealed on Facebook)
!style="text-align:right;" |$115,000.00
|-
|14 September 2016
|Capital One court case
!style="text-align:right;" |$15,906.99
|- class="sortbottom"
!style="background-color:#E9E9E9; text-align:right;", colspan="2"|Grand Total
!style="font-weight:bold;color:#FF0000"|$139,153.92
|}

==2016 Timeline==

===March===
*1st - Chris buys a PS4, worth $540, from Fingerhut (using a credit card)<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/internet-detective-proves-chris-bought-the-ps4-himself.18249/</ref>.
*16th - Barb is found guilty in a debt case involving Discover Bank. The judgement states that she owes $4,706.93<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/barb-sued-by-discover-bank.18379/page-28#post-1324090</ref>.
*19th - Chris spends $425 on a single Lego set<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/chris-spent-over-425-on-ebay-last-month.19451/</ref>.

===April===
*12th - [[Please, Donate|Chris begs]]. This video is notable for being the first video devoted to asking for money.
*16th - It's revealed that Chris borrowed $3,000 from a payday loan<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-spent-over-425-on-ebay-last-month.19451/page-13#post-1392146</ref>.
*24th - [[Donation Request|Chris begs]] again, this time without offering crafts in exchange.

===May===
*4th - The donations listing on Chris's Etsy shop is removed, presumably for violating TOS<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/fb-4-29-chris-is-excited-about-ratchet-clank-totes-swag.20150/page-10#post-1434759</ref>.
*9th - Chris spends $60 on his [[waifu|waifu]].
*23rd - The Chandlers pay $616.52 for the first half of 14BC's 2016 [[:File:Property tax 2016 part1.png|property tax]].
*23rd - [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.|Chris begs]] for bananas. He also [[Live Game Stream - Uncharted|announces]] the debut of a Support button on his Youtube channel to replace the Etsy listing.
*25th - Chris begs [[May 2016 Facebook posts#Etsy listing removal|in a Facebook post]] while reminding readers that Etsy removed his donation listing and that he has a Support button on Youtube instead.
*26th - Chris begs [[May 2016 Facebook posts#Uncharted video and donations|on Facebook]], links to his game stream of Uncharted and repeats his statements from the 25th.
*28th - Chris spends nearly $100 on Transformers<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/updated-6-1-2016-chris-spent-100-on-transformers-five-days-after-begging-for-money.21201/</ref>.
*29th - Chris spends another $30 on his waifu<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/updated-6-1-2016-chris-spent-100-on-transformers-five-days-after-begging-for-money.21201/page-8#post-1498444</ref>.
*31st - Chris spends $150 more on Transformers<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/updated-6-1-2016-chris-spent-100-on-transformers-five-days-after-begging-for-money.21201/page-6#post-1496692</ref>.

===June===
*8th - Chris's Etsy shop is closed<ref>[[Etsy#Shop Closure]]</ref>, presumably for failing to send orders.
*11th - [[Cwcville Shopping is on Vacation|Chris begs]] for money in the same video in which he announces that his shop is closed. Starting from this video, Chris adds his begging to the video descriptions.
*14th - Chris begs to have $100 for Barb's asthma medicine, in [[Donations Required, Serious. Please help|two]] [[Donations Requested, Please|videos]] which feature Barb.
*17th - [[Reading "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness" Chapter 1|Chris begs]] to have $200 for an electric bill, while reading a fanfic called "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness".
*19th - [[Reading "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness" Chapter 2|Chris begs]], again saying he wants $200 for an electric bill, and also wanting food money, while reading another chapter of Bluebird.
*19th - Chris wants to become a [[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's|prostitute]], in an attempt to get both money and china.
*26th - Chris begs his half-brother [[Cole Smithey|Cole Smithey]] for financial help, while simultaneously insulting him for "pissing and burning" the money he earns from working as a movie critic on apartment rent<ref>[[June 2016 Facebook posts#O brother, where art thou?]]</ref>.
*29th - [[Announcement 06292016|Chris begs]], saying that even though he got donations, he wants more because "we could still do better," before reading the third chapter of Bluebird.

===July===
*1st - Chris pays his $541 court costs for pepper-spraying a Gamestop employee in 2014<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/7-1-chris-paid-his-court-costs.22142/</ref>.
*8th - [[Rainbows Unicorns and a Bluebird of Happiness Chapter 4|Chris begs]] while reading chapter four of Bluebird.
*9th - [[Announcement 20160709|Chris begs]] in a long rant, saying he is stressed from dealing with finances. He mentions a mortgage among the bills. He wants food money for himself, Barb and their pets.
*10th-11th - [[HELP, PLEASE!!!|Chris begs]] in a series of four videos, wanting $20 or $50. He demeans himself on camera to get people to donate. Finally, he thanks people for sending the "minimum $20" before begging to have money for Barb's teeth.
*13th - [[Donations Further Requested, Please|Barb begs]] to have money for her dental work.
*13th - Chris finally decides to sell some of his toys to raise money. He lists one Pokemon card on eBay for $50.<ref>[[July 2016 Facebook posts#Chris Offers a Pokemon Card for Sale]]</ref>
*14th - Chris lists two more Pokemon cards on eBay, for $100 each.
*15th - Chris begs for food money in a [[July 2016 Facebook posts#"I'm not on drugs!"|Facebook post]], complaining that people aren't willing to donate anymore.
*18th - [[Update 20160718|Chris begs]] for money in the same video in which he reads an anniversary dedication, while expecting to be paid $50 for it.
*18th - One of the $100 Pokemon cards Chris listed on eBay is sold<ref>http://offer.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewBidsLogin&item=282101638696</ref>.
*20th-22nd - Chris produces [[Paid Video Requests|eight videos]] to earn money from his fanbase.
*23rd - Chris returns to begging [[July 2016 Facebook posts#2 Strikes on Youtube|on Facebook]]. He also announces that "this window is for Donations Only. No video requests until further notice," after his Youtube account receives its second strike against it for violating policy on "nudity or sexual content" after [[Paid Video Requests#Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies|a video]] he uploaded on the 22nd got reported. He [[:File:Cwc-crayolasword-stitched.png|also begs]] to a Kiwi Farms user named crayolasword who asks him about the situation.
*24th - Chris announces [[July 2016 Facebook posts#I have grown a labia!|on Facebook]] that he has grown a labia using subliminal frequencies found on Youtube. He also requests donations for gender reassignment.
*26th - Three days after being barred from uploading videos to his CwcvilleGuardian Youtube account, Chris circumvents the ban by [[Paid Video Request Reminder|uploading to another account]], restarting the Paid Video Requests program and accepting offers for $10-$50.
*28th - Chris makes one sale on the video program.

===August===
<center><gallery>
File:Barb capitalone.png|Capital One Bank vs Barb
File:Dogcourtcase2.png|Chris fined - No county dog tag 2
File:Dogcourtcase1.png|Chris fined - No rabies certificate 2
</gallery></center>
*4th - Barb is sued by yet another bank. The hearing will take place on September 14th.
*5th - Chris pays $121 in court costs and fines for failing to acquire proper certifications for his dogs.
*5th - Chris begs for donations in [[August 2016 Facebook posts#House Cleaning|a Facebook post]] and asks for tubes of [[Oestrogel application and Vibrating Bra, How To.|Oestrogel]] to be sent to him.
*9th - Chris relists the Birthday Pikachu card on eBay for $500 and begs people to "Buy It Now and help me and my family."<ref>[[August 2016 Facebook posts#Buy this $3,000 VHS tape]]</ref> He also offers a VHS tape of Aladdin for $3,000.<ref>http://www.ebay.com/itm/282128626463</ref>
*11th - Chris begs [[Cole Smithey|Cole Smithey]] for financial help again, this time by saying, "Hey! Cole!!! Get off of your ass and apologize and make peace with us here, In Person, and Help Us Financially, Please."<ref>[[August 2016 Facebook posts|Get off your ass, Cole!]]</ref>
*31st - Chris begs his audience [[August 2016 Facebook posts#Who wants to pay our mortgage?!|on Facebook]] to pay his mortgage of $115,000.

===September===
<center><gallery>
File:Barb vs Capital One Bank result.png|Capital One Bank court ruling.
</gallery></center>
*12th - Chris is spotted and photographed at a [[Card Games#Toys "Я" Us|Toys "Я" Us]] buying two tins of Pokemon Cards, two days before his mother goes to court.
*14th - Greene County's court rules that Barb owes $15,906.99 in unpaid debt to Capital One bank.
*19th - Chris begs in [[September 2016 Facebook posts#Another new cat|a Facebook post]], while showing off his new pet cat. He wants money to cover bills for the second half of the month, one paragraph after stating that he needed "allowance fun" to get a break from [[stress]] in the first half of the month.
*27th - Chris claims in a [[Something Completely Different - A few Transformers Jokes, also anti-Pmurt|video]] that the "fickle finances" are improving for him and Barb, shortly before playing with his newly-bought Transformers toys, showing that he is unaware or does not care about the fact that his mother legally owes over $15,000 as a result of the second lawsuit filed against her in 2016 or that the property tax for their house will be due in two months.

===October===
*18th - Chris resumes begging in a [[I'm sick; we need money donations; no video requests for a while|video]], saying that he is sick and that he is running low on chicken noodle soup and money. Notably, he had spent $160 buying Transformers toys on Ebay in the weeks beforehand<ref>[[List of toys#Transformers: Titans Return]]</ref>.

===November===
*21st - Chris [[Help, please|makes another video]] to beg for donations again.

===December===
*5th - The second half of the 2016 property tax for 14 Branchland Court will be due, at a cost of $616.52<ref>[[:File:Propertytax2016 p2.png]]</ref>.

==Sources==
<references/>
[[Category:Sagas]]
[[Category:Things bought with taxpayer money]]

CWC Address to Unilever About AXE

2016-11-18T07:31:37Z

Herman255:

'''CWC Address to Unilever About AXE''' is a two part video series (now archived as one video) made when [[Chris]] learned that [[Axe]], the line of men's hygiene products (also known as LYNX), is popular among [[homos|gay men]]. The second half was originally removed by YouTube due to a violation.

==Video==

{{Tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC Address to Unilever About AXE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|bBAnIHxYNeY}}
| stardate = 2 [[May 2009]]
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| subject = {{Homos|text}}
| shirt = {{CreepyRobe|text}}
| previous = [[For My Sweetest Ivy]]
| next = [[MEOW]]
}}

{{quote|I would ask to ban sale of, and use of the product from the homos, but that would be retarded.}}

===Transcript of Part 1===

Good day, I wish to, uh, make an announcement, uh, upon the side note, uh, aside from my usual work, uh, I would like to, uh, make a claim, uh, make it obvious of to the creators of, uh, my favorite br- one of my favorite brand of, uh, body spray: AXE. [Presents AXE spray] Apparently it ha- it has come to my attention that, uh, bunch of, uh, people of the, uh, wrong orientation are, uh, using the, uh, AXE brand, ah, by which I mean particularly the, uh, homosexuals.

Eh eweh thusly a stereotype has been, uh, m- has been made if you, uh, if, has been made apparently, uh, has been made apparently '''‘you be gay if you wear AXE.’''' That’s so stupid it’s not I mean it’s not true I mean I’m [[straight]] and I have been using AXE for years. [Presents AXE again] I’m a proud sub- I’m a proud user of AXE 'cause originally as it was originally intended for and I quote: [Reading label] “Effective deodorant protection designed to seduce the ladies” and then later, uh, when they expanded to, uh, the, uh, shower gel they continued with that in saying, uh, “ah kee—dr—kee—nahh let’s see. Hydrates your skin leavin’ it so pure that she’ll th—that ''she-ll'' think ''she’s'' the first one to touch it,” and then later again in, uh, shampoo it says here [Reading label] “Get girl approved hair. Wash, attract, repeat.”

Even though, uh, the comments, the, uh, comments, uh, sound, uh, sexist, uh, as I have learned, uh, on, uh, on their page on Wikipedia [gasp] I still feel that, uh, I have been at, uh, I still feel that, uh, is, uh, a big, uh, a big misuse and complete immoral act that the homosexuals take use of our- of the AXE brand which is prefer- which is dimensionally and originally oriented towards the straight people. I mean men attract ladies. It means they’re straight. They want to attract the ladies they’re straight. Please, okay, that didn’t come out right... But my point is anyway, uh, AXE is more straight is more meant for straight people: straight men who wish to attract the straight, nyell, the ladies.

The straight men who wish to attract the ladies and I have been the proud us—prow user of AXE throughout the many bre—throughout the many, uh, variations, ehmore to come and more out there to [mumbling] out there to market and I’m sure, other than the body spray, the eh—shower gel and the shampoo. In any case, AXE was [[speech impediment|adridgionally]] meant for, and should remain, only for the straight men who wish to attract the women. It is not meant for a homosexual dude to attract [lowers his voice] another homosexual dude. Ahem. Ticks me off. It really does.

So I hope that, uh, the aff—that the, uh, Unilever the company that creates the AXE products, uh, sees this, uh, video on the YouTube and also, uh, would like also, uh, I would like t- to, uh, well I’d be say— I'd be, uh, I would be sound like, uh, some kind of bad person if I tell 'em to not sell to the homosexuals but I wa—but it should be more obvious from the package that it is meant for straight people. Y'know and also I would like to make the following statement to all homosexuals who dare use it. '''You homosexuals, stay off of our AXE!'''

Peace out.

===Transcript of Part 2===

I wish to, uh, take a moment right now to, uh, read a letter I have just hand-written for the, uh, Unilever company about the, uh, issue at hand with AXE. I read this out loud because I currently cannot find the snail mail address, but when I do I will mail it off directly. But I re—but I read it now for hope that they will at least be able to get the—get the understanding and the gist of my, uh, of my proposition and hopefully do something about it and will not blow me off because of an opinion.

Hmmm. Anyway, to the Unilever company who creates, uh, AXE body spray, shower gel, shampoo, and all of that.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I, Christian Weston Chandler, have been a loyal user of AXE body spray for years now, and I have been enjoying the scent as I look forward to it making me smell better to attract (and keep one of) women to be my sweetheart. I have been sussessful with being enjoyed by my sweetheart—[''looks up to camera''] my sweetest [[Ivy]]. [''continues'']—who enjoys my pleasant presence and company with her.

I write the letter today, with concern of hearing that the '''ho-mo-sess-u-al pop-u-la-tion''' wear the AXE body spray as often as or greater than the straight people. Like myself. For the longest time, AXE has been advertised and meant for STRAIGHT men to attract WOMEN. It was certainly NOT meant to attract... '''other dudes'''.

I would like—I would ask to ban sale of—and use of the product from the homos, ''but that would be [[autism|retarded]]''. Instead I respectfully and humbly request that on the package a statement li—such as "DESIGNED ONLY FOR STRAIGHT ORIENTED MEN" or something strongly similar. Please make this so, and please do not try to blow me off for having an opinion about the product. Or having an opinion about the homosexuals. Because I do not care much about them.

Sincerely, 
Christian Weston Chandler 
Proud Straight Male AXE User

Peace.

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC the Volcano Does Not Approve of Homosexuals Using AXE
| video = {{#ev:youtube|3RxTycDxwqY}}
| stardate = 09 [[September 2009]]
| maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/manwithoutabody manwithoutabody]
| subject =
| type = YouTube Poop
| info = }}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[For My Sweetest Ivy]]|nextlink=[[MEOW]]|}}
{{Videos}}
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, May 2009| 2009-05-01]]
[[Category:Videos about homos| 2009-05-01]]

Chris and politics

2016-11-14T08:55:27Z

Herman255:

{{quote|EID, PMURT, EID|[[Chris]] on [[Pmurt|Trump]].}}

In recent years, Chris has been quite vocal about his politics support. He was once a moderate then shifted left during the [[Tomgirl Saga]], he shifted more and more far left. His ardent support of [[Wikipedia:Hillary Clinton|Hillary Clinton]] in the 2016 election over [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]] ended up being in vain, as he went on a rampage over the loss, and making death threats to Trump and his vice president Mike Pence in a vocal rampage not seen since [[Michael Snyder]].

His support of LGBT (except for the [[Homos|gay]] community) may have been likely why he has been more vocal about politics.

{{stub}}

{{Chris and}}

Chris and politics

2016-11-14T08:54:39Z

Herman255: I started work on this page that was requested

{{quote|EID, PMURT, EID|[[Chris]] on [[Pmurt|Trump]].}}

In recent years, Chris has been quite vocal about his politics support. He was once a moderate then shifted left during the [[Tomgirl saga]], he shifted more and more far left. His ardent support of [[Wikipedia:Hillary Clinton|Hillary Clinton]] in the 2016 election over [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]] ended up being in vain, as he went on a rampage over the loss, and making death threats to Trump and his vice president Mike Pence in a vocal rampage not seen since [[Michael Snyder]].

His support of LGBT (except for the [[Homos|gay]] community) may have been likely why he has been more vocal about politics.

{{stub}}

{{Chris and}}

Template:Chris and text

2016-11-14T08:46:30Z

Herman255:

[[Chris and anger|Anger]] • [[Chris and art|Art]] • [[Chris and brand loyalty|Brand loyalty]] • [[Chris and cinematography|Cinematography]] • [[Chris and censorship|Censorship]] • [[Chris and contests|Contests]] • [[Chris and copyright|Copyright]] • [[Chris and cosplaying|Cosplaying]] • [[Chris and death|Death]] • [[Chris and English|English]] • [[Chris and fashion|Fashion]] • [[Chris and gender|Gender]] • [[Chris and health|Health]] • [[Chris and his Ego|His Ego]] • [[Chris and hypocrisy|Hypocrisy]] • [[Chris and the industry|The Industry]] • [[Chris and the Internet|The Internet]] • [[Chris and the Law|The Law]] • [[Chris and money|Money]] • [[Chris and music|Music]] • [[Chris and negotiation|Negotiation]] • [[Chris and politics|Politics]] • [[Chris and psychology|Psychology]] • [[Chris and race|Race]] • [[Chris and reality|Reality]] • [[Chris and religion|Religion]] • [[Chris and remorse|Remorse]] • [[Chris and sex|Sex]] • [[Women's rights|Sexism]] • [[Spanish]] • [[Chris and television|Television]] • [[Chris and writing|Writing]]<noinclude>{{usage|1=This is a metatemplate used to display the links in the [[Template:Chris and|Chris and]] Template. The format for using this template is as follows: 

'''<nowiki>{{</nowiki>{{PAGENAME}}<nowiki>}}</nowiki>'''

- Displays:{{ {{PAGENAME}} }}
}}

[[Category: Metatemplates|{{PAGENAME}}]]</noinclude>

Feelings of the election results

2016-11-14T06:18:30Z

Herman255:

'''Feelings of the election results''' is a video Chris uploaded in 12 November 2016. Continuing with the theme of [[Pmurt]] dying that started with [[Eid, Pmurt, Eid!!!]], Chris continues to hope that Trump would die before his inauguration on January 2016. This time, however, he pleads both the First Amendment and the Fifth Amendment in an attempt to protect himself from any possible legal consequences for making a death threat to Trump. However, the First Amendment doesn't cover death threats and what pleading the Fifth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution actually means is to decline to offer self-incriminating evidence. It allows a person the right to remain silent in the face of questioning that could implicate him in a crime. Chris does the opposite of this, and freely offers evidence which implicates him threatening the President-elect of the United States.

This video actually has an outtake, with Chris trying out a line, fucking up, and trying it out again. But, Chris didn't [[Chris and cinematography|cut out]] the first take, leaving it intact.

Chris also displays several toys. The Lego White House costs $50<ref>https://www.amazon.com/LEGO-Architecture-White-House-21006/dp/B003U4A12U</ref>, the wrecked Pmurt/Transformers figure is $25<ref>https://www.amazon.com/Transformers-Generations-Autobot-Infinitus-Sentinel/dp/B017KIQRLA</ref> and the Skylanders storage box on his desk is $22<ref>http://www.toysrus.com/buy/cases-storage/skylanders-trap-team-trap-storage-tru-exclusive-1240653-01-43893446</ref>.

He also forgot to disable comments/ratings on this video, which isn't the first time he forgot to enable it, which he was hit with over 800 dislikes, likely for posting [[death threats]] aimed at the President-elect.

==Video==
{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = Feelings of the election results
| video = {{#ev:youtube|v=IVJBoE8fAE4}}
| stardate = 12 November 2016
| maker = CwcvilleGuardian
| subject = {{Politics|[[Pmurt]]}}, {{Violence|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, {{Reason|text}}, {{Rage|text}}
| Saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Financhu Crisis|text}}
| shirt = Red with Buttons
| previous = [[November 2016 Paid Video Requests#A Paid Request: Beware of Incoming Terrorists|A Paid Request: Beware of Incoming Terrorists]]
| next =
}}

'''Description'''
{{quotebox|**Warning: This video is rated "M" for its controversial content, so don't let the under 18s watch, and download and repost this video, the one or two, out of the billions of people inthe world, who can do and do it anyway, you damn internet trolls, haters, 4chans, and what-the-hell immature and bored people, despite your own consequences, lack of true social life, and s***. I know y'all do it, anyway. Yeah.

(hashtag)NotMyPresident

SHAREfactory™
https://store.playstation.com/#!/en-u...
}}

===Transcript===

[''Chris holds a Lego American flag and minifigure'']
I'm record this video in stating that I am not obligated to accept the current situations, nor to accept Mr. Trump at all. I have absolutely no respect for Donald Trump. And, I uphold the first amendment, pleading the first amendment, [[Chris and the Law|and I plead the fifth amendment as well]] in the following statements and video. Personal thoughts, responses, and everything. Thank you.

[''"PLAYER 1 START' transition'']

[''Mumbles to himself and points at his table'']
Hello people on the internet! This is Christine Chandler comin' to you live from home once again, and... yeah. Trump... Has been elected. But there's a chance that he will not- [[Chris and death|that he will not make it to office]]- cuz of his age at the very least... Hey, males die before women. Gimme a break. [''[[Stress sigh|sigh]]''] [''Shakes head, muttering 'No.'

[''Counting on fingers'']

Hello everybody on the internet! Right... Trump has been elected. Hopefully, he will not- be make it- be able to make it for the inauguration. Because of his age. Males die early, so they. Anyway, [''sigh''] obviously being great- the great Hillary supporter, both [[Barb|my mother]] and I have- voted for Hillary. Atatleast our goats counted, cuz she won the Virginia vote...

Anywho, uh, s-, anywho, aside from that, so, yes, I have responded- to... the election results [[Chris and English|quite verily]], or... distraughtly. [''Transformer clunks on table''] Right... Sentinel Prime, which, orange-face... Being pretty much representative of Trump himself... Cuz he is orange-faced... Right. So... Everybody- we must [[Twitter#10_November_2016.2|PRAY]] for Trump's death to happen before January 2017, and then afterwards, when he's been encased, we can pile a tombstone- a mock tombstone- And, we can pretend... [''breaks minifigure''] And we can pretend that we can have fun dancing on his grave. ['sings incoherently and jams minifigure against table] Of course that'll be regardless of if he is buried underground or shelved in a mausoleum.

Anyway, yeah, [[Chris and Hypocrisy|still being patriotic,]] I do not burn the flag like the other people did in that other state among the two states that did riot... Which, I would have participated in rioting... But right.

There is one other thing I'd like to do which is considered controversial, but I still consider it quite patriotic... to the United States flag. Either by illness- or... [''grabs Lego Donald Trump in gallows''] by the hand of his own... Mike Pence... Die, Trump, die. [''Chris pulls gallows and uncomfortably stares at it for several seconds''] Yup... And then, Pence [''Marge Simpson voice''] 'PENCE, YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.' [''cut''] 'YOU'RE UNDER ARREST. SO SAYS THIS JANEKOP.' [''Grabs Lego prison cell''] 'YOU'RE GOING TO THE JAIL, BELONGING TO THE JERKOPS AND JANEKOPS.' [''incoherent babbling'']

[''Puts jail cell in front of camera''] 'So, they got you too, eh?' 'Uh, they got me for being a jerkop among all the other jerkops that abused their badges like crackers. Anyway, don't sit on the toilet.' The end.

[''cut'']

''Chris holds a piece of paper written backwards. It reads:''
"(Before January 2017)
Die, Trump, die,
or by illness,
by Mike Pence's hand."
Yup. I feel the same way even when it's spelled backwards. Good night.

==Sources==
<references/>

[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2016]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Death threats

2016-11-11T11:41:49Z

Herman255:

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:Claw of fail 2.jpg|thumb|An evil man, plotting evil deeds.]]

Despite his belief that he is a compassionate, [[GodJesus]]-fearing person, [[Chris]] often goes on about how much he hates someone, or wants someone to suffer. In these rants, Chris occasionally crosses the line, and lets slip the fact that he honestly wants someone to die as horribly as possible. While it's clear that Chris is no legitimate threat to anyone's lives, the murderous revenge fantasies he has are frequently disturbing in their nature, especially for the often juvenile motivation for such threats. These '''death threats''' have become increasingly common since [[2009]].

==Means of delivery==
On a few occasions, Chris has dedicated special time and energy to immortalize his desire to kill in his [[comic]]. In these works, the person Chris wishes to destroy is often depicted as a purely evil villain, hellbent on the destruction of our innocent manchild hero. While these are much more noticeable than his other threats, they are also more infrequent, as Chris is lazy, and often unwilling to dedicate the time and energy to hurting his enemies in fiction. This list does not include real people who have been fictionalized and then assaulted by Chris in the comics, but rather, actual people who Chris has actually threatened.

The majority of Chris's cries for blood were delivered via [[YouTube]] videos. Compared to murdering somebody in a comic, shouting into a [[camera]] is very easy, and it allows Chris much more opportunity to scream and shout like the child he is. Lately, however, his preferred method of delivery seems to be [[Facebook]], and he has even gone a step beyond what he usually does by trying to post pictures and the personal information of his targets, almost as if he expects the trolls to suddenly take his side and go after them instead of him. ''('''Spoiler:''' They won't.)''

==Targets==
Either Chris's store of [[rage]] has steadily accumulated over years of trolling, or he's simply grown desensitized to the implications of calling for another person's death. While it was once a very rare occurrence for Chris to threaten or call for the death of his enemies, towards the end of [[2009]] and early [[2010]] Chris began screaming for murderous vengeance and penning elaborate, violent fantasies in the pages of his comic on a frighteningly regular basis.

===[[Adam Stackhouse]]===
One of Chris's earliest and broadest death threats targeted Adam Stackhouse, the winner of [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]] in [[2007]]. Chris's primary complaint was that Adam's video featured his sister Anna (Anna Stackhouse, not to be confused with [[Anna McLerran]]) in a supporting role, along with some beatboxing (neither of which was actually against the rules). He also had similar complaints about the second and third-placed videos, and so wrote a [[PSN Blogs|PSN Blog]] entry which included the following:

{{Quote|I curse those seven people (between the cast of the three illegal videos) to '''DIE and BURN!'''|Chris's idea of a calm response to disappointment}}

By itself, this could be written off as a pathetic outburst from a [[virgin with rage]], but Chris wasn't content to leave it at that; he elevated it to an actual death threat by creating [[CWC is Angry|a video]], the first two minutes of which featured nothing but Chris repeatedly shooting a picture of the Stackhouses. Whether or not the threats towards Adam (and the second and third-place contestants) were taken seriously, many felt that he was crossing the line by bringing Anna (who is considerably younger than Adam or Chris) into the matter, which is probably why he eventually removed the video from [[YouTube]].

In a rare display of conscience, Chris actually [[Chris Chan Update 24 September 2008|retracted and apologized]] for this death threat...about thirteen months after he first issued it. The offending blog entry was deleted by a PSN admin, after Chris responded to an earlier request to remove it himself by telling the admin in question to "SHUT UP AND GO READ THE OFFICIAL RULES!!!!" (earning himself a temporary ban from PSN in the process).

===[[Jack Thaddeus]]===
On [[Christmas]] Day [[2009]], Chris uploaded a video aptly titled "[[Kill De Jack]]", making public his great desire for Jack to die. So much for goodwill towards men. Oddly, he never actually physically demanded that Jack be murdered in the course of the video, spending most of his time bitching about the [[homos]]exual ads that Jack had placed on the [[CWCipedia]].

{{Quote|And to go back to the current topic, '''Kill de Jack Thaddeus'''.|Chris, [[Download For Play Only|changing topics]].}}

Chris verbally stated his intent to murder Jack on 26 [[December 2009]]. Then on the 27th Chris uploaded another [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|video]], where he switched it up by demanding that Jack save Chris the trouble, and kill ''himself''. These demands that Jack and [[Clyde]] murder themselves soon became the norm, showing up in videos, [[CWC Blog#28 December 2009|blog entries]], and scattered about on the [[CWCipedia]]. Needless to say, Jack continued to refuse to kill himself.

Unable to slay his enemy in the real world, Chris returned to his old revenge proxy--[[Sonichu (comic)|the ''Sonichu'' comics]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris trapped Jack and Clyde on top of the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building, and then assaulted it with powerful soundwaves. This compromised the building's structural integrity, and effectively doomed everyone inside it to death and dismemberment. Jack and Clyde, unable to escape the crumbling tower, opted to throw themselves down the elevator shaft to escape being crushed under the rubble. These pages prove once and for all that Chris is more than willing to slaughter hundreds just to get back at someone who was mean to him on the Internet.

===[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]===
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|Jason bleeding to death on the cold ground.]]

The creator of the [[ED]] page that brought Chris into the limelight has been the target of Chris's impotent cries for blood several times. The most notable instance of this is in [[Sonichu 8#Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage"|''Sonichu'' #8]], where Chris depicted him being brutally slashed, electrocuted and ''faceraped'' by [[Rosechu]]. It even gets stated outright that the assault was fatal, and that the only reason Jason was alive was due to "dark powers." Whether these powers are Jason's own psychic ability, or some malevolent force that merely wishes to see Jason suffer longer, is left ambiguous.

Chris also tried to play the [[True and Loyal Fanbase#Personal army|personal army]] game against him with [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|a video]]. While most of the message fell in line with the general "please troll this person instead of me" lines, one passage in particular stands out from the rest.

{{Quote|Shower him with as much hate as possible until that Encyclopedia Dramatica page is taken down, '''along with him'''.|Chris subtly expressing his desire for Jason to stop existing.}}

Also notable is the time Chris attempted to involve [[GodJesus]] in his murder plot. [[Chris and religion|They have yet to respond]].

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO KILL JASON KENDRICK HOWELL|Chris-chan, [[Sonichu Girls]] forum}}

And who can forget the phone call Jason received after [[Sonichu.net]] was hacked by someone Chris thought was him?

{{quote|[[Jason Kendrick Howell message|I! PRAY! YOU! DEAD]]!|Chris}}

Although Jason did create the original ED page, he has never had a particularly active role in tormenting Chris, choosing (like most of us) to simply enjoy the show. As such, while Chris has never really "forgiven" him, threats against Jason have essentially ceased as Chris shifts his focus to more immediate threats.

===Clyde Cash===

{{Quote|'''[[Song of Christian#Part 2|EEEEEEENNNNNNNNGH!]] I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH! I WILL...DIE HIS LIGHTS OUT! IF I EVER MEET THAT BASTARD...IN PERSON.'''|Chris, [[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|while smiling evilly]].}}

The undisputed leader and hero of all of Chris's [[trolls]], Clyde Cash has been on the receiving end of his fair share of death threats. The sheer hatred Chris holds for Clyde is impressive in its own right. With the other trolls, Chris has at least tried to appear subtle about his dark intentions, or kept his demands for their deaths relatively infrequent. Where Clyde is concerned, Chris is extremely upfront and clear about his desire to murder Cash. Even Clyde faking his own suicide was not enough to escape Chris's wrath.

{{Quote|CLYDE DO YOU HEAR ME?! YOU ARE DEAAAD! YOU ARE DEAD! '''YOU ARE DEAD!'''|Chris, [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|somewhat angry]].}}

Thereafter, Chris's cries for Clyde's blood upon took on much more serious undertones. While his earlier threats of strangulation and being forced to eat his own underwear were done with no apparent attempt to follow through on his dark words, more recent threats have come with demands that Clyde should come and face Chris in person, so that Chris might physically extract his revenge. It could be inferred by this that Chris has indeed planned out [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|exactly what his course of action would be if Clyde did suddenly show up at his front door.]]

{{Quote|You come to me. I will fight you! I will CRUSH YOU!|Chris, [[Challenge for Clyde|asking for a fight]].}}

Chris posted [[Don't Mess With Me| another video]] in which he roleplayed encountering Clyde Cash in real life. Upon being insulted by 'Clyde', Chris proceeded to pretend to beat up, choke, and finally slit the throat of the imaginary Clyde with a real knife, intended as an ominous warning to other trolls.

Chris's threats against Clyde culminated in a video where he, dressed as [[You Think You're a Man|Divine]], [[DivineTrial|ordered his execution]], with a Shadow the Hedgehog doll standing in for the "Cashey-type person".

Finally, there's the matter of Clyde's family. It's not enough for Chris to merely murder Clyde. Chris has shown that he feels the entire Cash family line is just as deserving of his rage as Clyde, and has stated this outright. The fact that this is essentially a small scale act of ''genocide'' has apparently not occurred to him.

{{Quote|THIS IS FOR CLYDE CASH TO EVERY LAST ONE OF HIS FAMILY MEMBERS INCLUDING HIS COUSIN [[Vivian Gee|VIVIAN]]!|Chris, immediately before [[Sign Destruction Video|sinking his teeth into a doll's head]].}}

===[[Liquid Chris]]===
[[Ian Brandon Anderson]] had made a number of videos raging against [[Liquid Chris|the real Chris]], but he didn't cross over into death threat territory until after Liquid declared himself the victor of the [[SingStar Challenge]].

{{Quote|'''DIIIIIIIIIEEEEE YOU!!'''|Ian, [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|eloquently expressing his disapproval]].}}

[[Image:BustACap.jpg|thumb|Ian's solution to boyfriends.]]

Ian's murderous tendencies showed up again in [[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler]]. In the video, Ian manages to twist a game made for children of all ages into a tool to spread his hatred, as he breaks into Liquid's home and shoots him. Due to the limitations of the game, this is accomplished with a paint gun, but what happens next makes his true intent all too clear.

In a stunning display of unoriginality, Ian reused exactly the same plotline for [[Sonichu Special 4]]. In this comic, Ian depicts Liquid as a knife-wielding villain who kidnapped [[Kacey]]. Upon arriving to "rescue" her, Ian produces a handgun ([[Megatron pistol|possibly Decepticon leader Megatron in disguise]]), shoots Liquid in both his shins, and leaves him to bleed to death. When [[Kacey]] [[Kacey and Liquid Call|expressed horror]] at the fact that he wanted to kill her boyfriend, Ian missed the point about why she was so upset. He told her that he could re-draw the comic, and that such shots were meant to keep Liquid from chasing them, completely avoiding the issue that wanting to shoot someone or permanently cripple them is off-putting. Ian also tried to justify this with the fact that Comic-Liquid was coming at him with a knife, and didn't seem to comprehend the real source of Kacey's shock: she wasn't angry at Comic-Chris for defending himself (albeit in a cowardly way) as she was angry at Real-Chris for constructing a fantasy in which he could justify maiming and permanently crippling her boyfriend, and be completely in the right about it.

===Vivian Gee===
Afraid that Vivian would not understand the "fury of [his] wrath", Chris opted to use a visual aid. He accomplished this with a [[Clown Doll]] and a wooden spike.

{{Quote|NOW WATCH WHAT I DO WITH THIS AS I WILL DO TO VIVIAN GEE IF SHE DOES NOT S- TAKE DOWN EVERY LAST ONE OF [[Audiobooks|HER VIDEOS]] AND CLOSES HER YOUTUBE ACCOUNT!|Chris, expressing his desire to stab an innocent woman to death.}}

While there is an obvious difference between attacking a person and a doll, the sight of a grown man taking such obvious joy in the idea of violently killing a woman is disturbing nonetheless. The video also includes a threat against every single member of Vivian's family (including her cousin, [[Clyde Cash]]), though it's not clear if he actually wishes to kill them, or just beat them up and bite off their hats.

[[Image:YouDieTodayBitch.PNG|thumb|A friendly letter from Chris.]]

Vivian revealed in a now-deleted YouTube video that Chris also took the more direct approach to threatening her death. On 1 [[September 2009]] he actually sent her an E-mail directly demanding that she get a heart attack and pass away immediately. Fortunately, Chris [[CWC Update 7 July 2009|does not have the Death Note]], and Vivian survived.

{{Quote|D, Vivian G, D!|Chris, [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|13 September 2009]]}}

Chris later apologized for the threatening message. While the apology was more like begging for money then a genuine show of [[Chris and remorse|remorse]], it's possible that he realized that personally sending people death threats could actually get you in serious trouble and was making an attempt at damage control.

===Alec Benson Leary===
While Chris has no problem calling Sonichu a [[parody]] in a misguided effort to avoid copyright infringement and create a moneymaking franchise, when someone ''actually'' parodies Sonichu or any of his other creations, he goes right off the deep end. Alec Benson Leary is the gentle and kind creator of [[Asperchu]], which is effectively a parody of Sonichu himself as well as Chris's hatred of everything Asperger's and "seemingly" homosexual. For a few weeks after the comic's debut, Chris ignored Asperchu, regarding it as nothing more than a simple parody. Soon enough, however, many of his fans began abandoning Sonichu for Asperchu, and announcing their intentions in his [[Mailbag]].

On January 9, 2010, the first [[Captain's Log]] of that year, Chris [[Down with asperchu|called out Alec Benson Leary]] after advertisements for the Asperchu wiki (the [[Asperpedia]]) started showing up on the CWCipedia (replacing the homoerotic ads that had been an earlier source of turmoil). Not amused with the new ads or his Sonichu's appearance in the comics, Chris started raging out.

{{Quote|DIE, you son of a bitch, Alec, die!|Chris, being Chris as usual.}}

Alec represents the first time Chris has ever issued a public death threat to someone who had shown him respect. While most of the other individuals Chris has threatened have been antagonistic towards him, all of Alec's public communications up to that point had been a combination of respect and admiration. The only reasons Chris had to hate Alec was the fact that his character is overweight and his website runs on the same MediaWiki software. A few days later, Chris claimed that he knew where Alec lived in the description to one of his [[12 January 2010|videos]]. Fortunately for Alec, it was just another lie.

While delivering an in-depth analysis of [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|Asperchu]], Chris threatened to have the ghost of his dog [[Patti]] maul Alec to death in his sleep in hell. It is unclear if he realizes he implied Patti Chandler is in hell. Alec has responded to this most recent threat by using his adspace on the [[CWCipedia]] to ask people to donate to victims of the [[Wikipedia:2010 Haiti earthquake|earthquake in Haiti]]. Clearly, Alec is just as horrible a man as Chris claims him to be. Chris finally took his hatred of Alec to its conclusion in late February, slaughtering him in ''Sonichu'' #10 alongside Sean, Evan and Mao.

===Evan, Mao and Sean===
[[Image:SchuComic10P91.jpg|thumb|"BLOOD AND GORE!"]]

Chris included [[Evan]] and [[Mao]], two of Leary's partners in the creation of [[Asperpedia]], in another threat against Alec's life. Evan was most likely singled out because of his campaign to have [[Simonchu|his character]] removed from Chris's comic. Mao, on the other hand, has done nothing to Chris other than be a good friend to Alec. On 1 [[February 2010]] a reversing twist of situation appeared over the use of the adspace on [[CWCipedia]]. Mao was set on the receiving end of a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and then was asked to [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|"Take down the ads! Or prematurely ROT!"]] while, on the other side, Evan and Alec [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|received apologies]] for the death threats with a [[Chris and remorse#Motivation to apologize|hint of reciprocity]] for the management of the ads on Chris's wiki. This is all taken back when Chris tells them along with Alec and Sean to [[9 February 2010|"rot... in... HELL!!!"]]

{{quote|My amends have been made.|Chris, failing at respect and basic [[Chris and English|English]] after an unjust trial resulting in torture and execution.}}

Despite originally "having less offense" with Sean, Chris demonstrated considerable rage later on, threatening [[15 January 2010|to beat him]] and curse him. However, he refrained from crossing into death threat territory until [[Sonichu 10]] - wherein he drew the dazed and confused artist attempting to defend himself in court, despite [[Chris and the Law|totally unsubstantial "mental evidence" extracted from his mind being used against him.]] Then, approximately one page after finishing his [[Chris and remorse|apology]], he summarily [[Chris and death|executes all four of the poor bastards.]] While doing so, he has each of the extremely biased "victims" take part, including a toddler, and Chris himself. (Of note is that Chris literally [[Rage|depicts himself tearing out Mao's heart.]])

===[[Cogsdev]]===
A vague death threat was given when Chris discovered the [[CWCki]] on 11 [[March 2010]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Featured_Quote&curid=40&diff=4006&oldid=4005 where Chris claimed] "there will be trouble upon that Person directly from Me" unless every page about his sweethearts was removed by 12 March 2010. He later [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Featured_Quote&diff=next&oldid=4006 extended the deadline] to remove all traces of his sweethearts to 31 March 2010. This is due to Chris [[Wallflower#Anonymity|once again]] believing he was responsible for something becoming inaccessible on the Internet. His threat to [[Cogsdev|her]] was clarified in this extension, in which he said "The deadline is March 31, 2010, 11:59 PM, [[Chris and English|Easter]] Standard Time. Do it, or there WILL be trouble. I am [[Pocket knife|Armed]] after all." This threat was realized when Chris created an [[User:GodofThunderGodofWar|account]] on the CWCki, and proceeded to [[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki|fail at vandalism]].

Chris's threats were directed to the webmaster of the CWCki, and he initially identified the webmaster as male. As such, it is currently unknown whether Chris has managed to determine the identity of the webmaster, despite the domain name. He has yet to yell at her in a video, and given the death of the [[CWCipedia]] and his current attempts to avoid the Internet, it's unlikely he will.

===[[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]]===
On 2 [[March 2010]], after Surfshack Tito hacked into Chris's PSN account, he weakly threatened that (Tito) would "[[Patti|get yours in your dreams- your- in your nightmares]]", while also firing a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse Shot]]. Twelve days later, in his video "[[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]", he threatens Tito with his [[pocket knife]] and a [[Homos|panty shot in a kilt]]. Chris believed that Tito was the main reason [[The Wallflower]] stopped talking to him; the actual cause for their separation was partly due to concerned trolls and partly due to Chris's refusal to be "[[friend zone|friend-zoned]]". In either case, Chris's threat did not work; instead, he offended [[Cogsdev|countless]] [[User:Great Briton|citizens]] of Scotland and the United Kingdom in the same way he offended [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]] in his [[War Paint Video]].

On 17 [[March 2010]], Chris made his most threatening video yet: in it, he accused Surfshack Tito of being the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], a womanizer, and a rapist; called him a [[nigger]]; and promised to cut him up and squeeze his fat into his skull until it bursts open. This blatant display of racism is generally considered to be the event that prompted Jack Thaddeus to pull all of his ads from the [[CWCipedia]]. The CWCipedia was then taken over by Mao, allowing the Asperpedia Four to totally wreck Chris's shit.

===[[Lars McNulty]]===
On 25 September 2010, Chris unleashed his anger against Lars, Jackie's ex-[[Jerk|boyfriend]] by smashing a model boat made of [[LEGO]] symbolizing the Titanic with a figurine named "Lars" aboard. Two days later, Chris addressed to Lars a [[New Address|second video]] in which he claimed that he would [[CWC Fighter|"interfere"]] if Lars didn't [[Chris and hypocrisy|grow up]] and leave Jackie alone. He ended the video by throwing another toy boat to the ceiling.

===[[Michael Snyder]]===

On 13 February 2011, Chris released the [[Autism Tutorial]] levels in ''LBP2''. In part three of the series, a rant about Mary Lee Walsh segues into a death threat directed towards Michael Snyder, in which Chris expresses his wish that [[The GAMe PLACe]] would catch fire and burn down, killing Michael in the process.

The infamous [http://imgur.com/a/1HYJJ Imgur leak] would also reveal multiple wishes made by Chris that Michael should die, including one where he wished Snyder was murdered by gunshot.

===Mimms' Girlfriend===
{{quote|I still want to make Mimms' life the emotional hell he has turned my life into. Somebody, please, kill his girlfriend.|A leaked [[Twitter]] post from 12 [[May 2012]].}}

An archive of his hidden Facebook posts on Imgur revealed an enraged Chris demanding that somebody kill Mimms' girlfriend, claiming that he wanted to take away the "[[Women's rights|possession]]" that made Mimms feel happy the most.

===[[Megan Schroeder]]===

Yes, you read that correctly. A [http://i.imgur.com/mBFcon9.png leaked Facebook post] revealed that Chris was so bitter about his rejection by Megan, that he wanted to 'exact his fullest revenge' upon her, right before saying that she should be [[Sonichu_10#Trial_of_the_Asperpedia_Four|jailed and beaten]]. Ironically, [[Chris and hypocrisy|he follows up this very mean-spirited post by calling ''her'' "vile" and "wicked".]]

===[[CWCki Forums]]===

On 28 April 2012, Chris made the declaration that he found the CWCki Forums, that he knows where each member lives, and that he'll come after each of them.

===[[Mal-Wart|Walmart]] [[CWC-isms|"Lady Manajerk"]]===

After getting his ass [[Mal-Wart#Banished_from_the_region|(rightfully) tossed from Wal-Mart]] by the [[manajerks|manajerk]], Chris threw a tantrum on Facebook, saying that he'll have revenge, and that she would be "FIRED FROM LIFE!"

===Every Single Employee of Sega===
{{Main|Sonic Boom Protests}}

Even the creators of Chris's childhood hero are not safe from death threats. You might think this was because of one (or more) of their horribly underwhelming Sonic games of recent years, but no- Chris made this threat because the 2014 game ''Sonic Boom'' (and the accompanying TV series) changed the color of Sonic's arms from tan to blue.

{{Quote|You Either Recall EVERYTHING of the new Sonic Boom, RIGHT NOW, or I will Seriously RIP HIS ARMS OFF and Seriously '''Watch You All At SEGA DIE''' from this most Heinous Of Crimes EVER!!!|Chris, in a typical demonstration of where his priorities are.}}

Oh, and in case you're wondering whose arms Chris was threatening to possibly rip off, the [[Facebook]] post which contained this death threat was accompanied by a shot of an angry Chris holding a soft toy Sonic based off of the ''Sonic Boom'' design. Needless to say, many of his Facebook friends, including [[William Elliott Waterman]], immediately called him out for this absurd overreaction, to no avail. The following month, Chris escalated matters by posting the following to the "[[Keep Sonic Original]]" Facebook group:

{{Quote|WE NEED TO KILL SEGA INTO RECALLING EVERYTHING NOW!!! EVEN IF WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING LIKE PUT KNIVES AND BOMBS TO THEIR TROATS!!!|What happens when Chris doesn't get his way.}}

Not surprisingly, Chris was ejected from the group almost immediately. Undeterred, he set up [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!|his own group]], where he began making cryptic remarks about putting his "fingernails to Sega's throat." When others questioned him on what exactly he was talking about, he confirmed that yes, this was indeed ''another'' death threat:

{{Quote|But, now I am looking to '''slit their throats''' with my long fingernails to force the Total Recall of Everything Sonic Boom to Fix the Mistake to happen SOONER!|Chris, revealing his unusual choice of assassination weapons.}}

Thus far, Sega have not reacted to Chris's demands, not that this has stopped him from continuing his ''Sonic Boom'' protests, and even [[26 December 2014|escalating them]] to previously unseen levels.

On 9 [[June 2015]], Chris threatened Sega producer [[Omar Woodley]] with physical violence after it was revealed that ''Sonic Boom: Fire & Ice'' will be a thing.

===Donald Trump===
Chris has an intense hatred of 2016 Republican Presidential Candidate [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]], to the point that he made two videos of himself role-playing acts of violence on him with ''[[Transformers]]'' and ''[[My Little Pony]]'' toys<ref>[[September 2016 Paid Video Requests#Paid Message to the Trolls]]</ref><ref>[[Something Completely Different - A few Transformers Jokes, also anti-Pmurt]]</ref>, while saying phrases such as, "And now, we'll stomp Donald Trump's head."

Within hours of Trump's victory in the 2016 Presidential Election, Chris posted an [[November_2016_Facebook_posts#Chris_wants_Trump_assassinated|assassination request]] on Facebook. He also uploaded a [[Eid, Pmurt, Eid|video]] of himself attacking one of his toys to show his anger.

===Mike Pence===
On 10 November 2016, Chris has also wished death to Vice President-elect [[Wikipedia:Mike Pence|Mike Pence]] along with the President-elect Trump on one Twitter post. He wished for Trump and Pence's deaths by January of 2017.

===Himself===
Yes, you read that correctly. [[September 2013 Facebook Posts#God_Trolls_Chris_Yet_Again|After getting in a fender bender on 7 September 2013]], Chris actually [[Chris and anger|snapped]] and prayed ''himself'' dead at the hands of God, similar to his past threat against [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].

==Chris as a recipient==
Chris said he allegedly received a death threat ("YOU'RE DEAD! YOU'RE DEAD!") from [[Michael Snyder]] on 4 [[June 2010]]. Given that Chris was trespassing at the GAMe PLACe again, and that Mike was under the impression that Chris was trying to [[pedofork|photograph his daughter]], this outburst seems fairly reasonable. Chris responded very negatively to this threat, [[Chris and hypocrisy|bitching about the "verbal harassment"]] in his next [[6 June 2010|video]].

Earlier, during the [[Ivy]] [[Saga]], Chris received a death threat from a Clyde Cash impersonator. Despite all of his tough talk, Chris was completely paralyzed by fear and actually [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shat his bed]] in terror. Before Ivy could convince him that the threat was an empty one, he had placed a decoy in his soiled bed and hidden under a pile of stuffed animals, as if he were a child hiding from the boogeyman.

==Likelihood of Acting Out on Death Threats==
As a bit of reassurance to anyone who thinks that Chris, a [[Autism|mentally ill man]] who has endured endless harassment from the [[trolls]] would one day [[Chris and anger|snap]] and [[Strangle_that_Clyde_Cash|attempt to kill somebody]], consider the following. For starters, Chris is a coward, and would likely [[Charlottesville_Fashion_Square#Chris_vs._Fashion_Square|run at the slightest hint of conflict]], possibly shitting himself in terror in the process ''(If you think that's an exaggeration, see the last paragraph under 'Chris as a recipient' above.)'' Secondly, Chris's poor [[Chris and Health|health]], clear [[Pull-up|lack of exercise]] and [[Don%27t_Mess_With_Me|slow reaction time]] would make being chased and overpowered by him in any instance a sheer impossibility unless the recipient is in far worse health than him. Also, Chris often assumes that his target would [[Don%27t_Mess_With_Me|simply stand there and let him carry out murder]], almost like an execution, and it's likely that should his target try to fight back, he'll be caught off guard. Last, but not least, Chris seems to prefer that his trolls come [[14 Branchland Court|directly to him]], as going out of his [[Chris%27s_room|comfort zone]] is far too much effort. Lest we forget, he [[Miyamoto_Saga#11_January_2009_to_15_January_2009:_Chris_Can.27t_Afford_to_Fly_to_Redmond|wouldn't even put up $800 to pursue his own lifelong dreams]], so what makes you think he'll even bother going after trolls, even ''if'' he [[Facebook#Maniacal_Laughter_from_Who_now.3F_Oh.2C_wait.2C_It_Is_ME.21_.3E8D|knew where they all lived]]?

Long story short, the most likely outcome of Chris attempting to follow up on his death threats would be a good old-fashioned game of [[Kick the Autistic]].

==See also==
*[[Chris and death]]
*[[Chris and anger]]

[[Category:Lists]]
[[Category:Things Chris likes]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

Megan Schroeder

2016-11-11T08:45:07Z

Herman255:

{{DeadLinks}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Sweethearts
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:ChrisAndMeganUnpixelated.jpg|250px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Megan Schroeder
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| 23 July 1986
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| None known
|-
|}
{{timelinetop
|size = 250
|start= 2005
|end = 2008
}}
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{quote|Ah, For Her I Would travel even A Thousand Miles, just to be with her. Fortunately, she lives only about one hour from my house, and I meet her once a week at a closer-to-home social. This feeling, It was, and still is, so pure and true, it was like as if I was Born to Love Her. When She Smiles, I feel like I'm Walking on Sunshine as I give my replying smile and gaze into her eyes. And her hair is the softest and most warm-tingling. Cloud Nine? I feel like I'm on Ten.|Christian, ''[[Story of My Current Days]]''}}
{{Quote|ED didn't drag my name through the mud but you did.
I don't know, I can't keep disgracing myself and forgiving and forgiving. I have some pride you know. I've forgiven you so many times before it's just getting irritating now. Even I have my limits.|Megan gives her own view<ref>[[Megan emails, 2008]]</ref>}}

'''Megan Schroeder''' (born 23 July [[1986]]) was a [[Gal pal|gal pal]] of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s, with whom he had perhaps the closest relationship of his life.

Chris first met Megan in the summer of [[2004]] at [[The GAMe PLACe]]. Following Chris's progressively creepier unwanted advances, she cut off contact with him in early [[2008]]. Since then, Chris has developed an intense and unwarranted [[Chris and anger|grudge]] against Megan, thanks to misconceptions fed to him by [[Bob]], [[Barb]], and his [[autism|autistic delusions]] about her scheming with [[Michael Snyder]] to have him banned from The GAMe PLACe.

==Timeline==
[[File:Megan_Timeline_Prototype.png|thumb|A brief overview of the Megan Saga]]

==Prologue==
{{main|Megan Emails, 2005-2006}}
{{See also|Megan Emails, Jan-July 2007}}
[[Image:156-CWCMegan1.jpg|thumb|Look at the fear in her eyes...]]

{{quote|During the late summer months, I picked up and started the [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] [[Trading Card Game]] (it was around the time the movie came into theaters). One Saturday at the Game Place (Where I was also going for Pokemon TCG on Fridays), I met Megan and [[John's Custom Gundam|John Schroeder]]. At first I thought they were a couple but then they were just Sister and Brother. Over the months of getting to know Megan, I grew fond of her. Although at that time, and up to now, she wasn't interested in a lovely relationship. I've bided to her wishes and requests. I am truly fond of her, and I hope she will have a change of heart soon. She'll be turning 21 on July 23, 2007.|Christian<ref>[[Yep, I'm on TV :)]]</ref>}}

Megan is a typical ''truly'' [[boyfriend-free girl]], even claming to be asexual. She had a few eccentricities, which Chris was more than happy to copy and oblige, namely her fondness for ''[[My Little Pony]]'', ''[[Sailor Moon]]'', and using Chris like a debit card because she was too lazy to go on [[eBay]] herself.

Megan and Chris first met during the summer of [[2004]] at [[The GAMe PLACe]] over a game of ''Yu-Gi-Oh!''. The two apparently struck up a friendship of sorts. They had an obvious connection from the start, since they were both idling their twenties away playing [[card games|games marketed to pre-teens]]. It only took [[Third date|a few games of cards]] and a handful of e-mails before Chris saw Megan as his [[sweetheart]]. Megan, however, did not reciprocate this sentiment. It probably didn't help that Megan was getting Chris to buy things for her like a stereotypical wife nagging her husband:

{{quote|Please can you get this video for me? please hurry! thanks!|Megan, [[Megan_Emails,_2005-2006#Megan_wants_a_Tin_Tin_episode|Megan E-mails]]}}

Through the end of 2005 and into [[2006]], Chris would obsess over Megan, writing her [[Sonichu 5|into his comic]], trying to drag her into dates, trying to snuggle, hold her hand, kiss her, and other attempted romantic gestures. This didn't accomplish anything but rousing the ire of Megan, who was uncomfortable with these advances and only saw him as a friend, nothing more. She repeatedly tried to assert her asexuality to Chris, in an effort to prevent his advances. Sadly, this fell on deaf ears, and Chris would continue to hound her. Even when Megan eventually resorted to claiming she had a boyfriend, Chris was not deterred.

Unfortunately for her, this was only the beginning...

==Megan Saga==

===Sailor Megtune===
{{Main|Sailor Megtune}}

Megan, like Chris, enjoyed drawing cartoons, and this seems to have caught Chris's eye early in the game:

{{quote|Everytime I see your drawings, I get inspired to want to work more on [[Sonichu (comic)|my comics]].|Christian, [[Megan_Emails,_2005-2006#Chris_wants_to_date_Megan_at_McDonald.27s|Megan E-mails]]}}

In what was a fortunate alignment of his ass-kissing campaign with the series of diary entries that ''Sonichu'' had become, Megan (later [[retconned]] as '''Meg-chan''') soon made her first appearance as [[Sailor Megtune]] in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]] along with [[Megagi La Skunk]], her own furry sidekick. The two are purportedly "[[Sailor Moon|Sailor Soldiers]]" and reveal on the spot that Chris is an old friend of theirs (including Megagi) and thwart the evil Jerkops trying to ruin Chris' [[Love Quest]] with Rockin' Hurricane, causing Magic Rocket to [[Team Rocket|blast off again]]. Her influence on the "art" of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' is apparent in Chris's sudden transition to a more [[anime]] style with ''Sonichu'' #5, most notably in his character's eyes, which became large and shiny.

[[Image:SchuComic6Page50a.jpg|thumb|Getting dangerously close to crossing the line...]]

Megan and Chris appeared to chat about comics in their e-mail conversations; Chris [[Ego|critiqued]] some of her story ideas, and ran the plotline for [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]] by her, including a bizarre offer to write in Megan's own imaginary daughter. While Megan probably found the whole thing harmlessly eccentric at first, ''Sonichu'' #5 managed to create some drama pretty quickly upon its release. Megan undoubtedly flipped when she saw her character getting romantic with Chris, as well as being portrayed in a sexualized manner. Chris completely failed to comprehend why she was angry, but did [[retcon]] a couple of pages to tone them down. This did not placate Megan, however.

===Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown===
{{main|Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown}}
{{See also|Megan Emails, Aug-Dec 2007}}

{{quote|In any case, I LOATHE [[Adam Stackhouse|Adam]] and his Sister for STEALING my one chance at taking my Sweet [[Gal pal|Gal-Friend]] to [[Wikipedia:Seattle|Seattle]]; [[Chris and rape|it would have been terriffic]]. I might have even been able to change her outlook on not planning on having children (she and I are both virgins; although I am a [[stress|FRUSTRATED]], High-Functionally [[autism|AUTISTIC]], 25-YEAR OLD [[Virgin with rage|VIRGIN]].|[[PSN Blogs]]}}

In June [[2007]], Megan went to [[Wikipedia:Kentucky|Kentucky]]. Undeterred, Chris continued e-mailing her, refusing to back away even for a moment as he ''still'' believed that, deep down inside, Megan truly did love him. Discovering the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]] and the prizes for victory, Chris eagerly entered the contest, hoping to win a [[PSP]] and the trip and use that to win her [[china|heart]]. In the end, as expected, Chris lost (even after extensive cheating), [[Adam Stackhouse]] won, and Megan didn't care. Even when Chris began whining to her and others about how Adam and everyone else except Chris had somehow cheated, Megan didn't care either way. This childish behavior eventually resulted in Megan losing her temper with Chris, reprimanding him for his selfishness and inappropriate behavior. Despite being hurt by her outburst, Chris continued to harass Megan in much the same way as before.

===Rule 34 and The End of Megan===
{{Main|ShecameforCWC.JPG}}
{{See also|Megan emails, 2008}}

{{quote|And, by the way, is not ''Crystal'' whose eyes are censored; that is ''Megan''!|Chris stating [[Chris and art|the not-so-obvious]] <ref name="secondmessage">[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref>}}

In November 2007, Chris would discover his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page and begin his one-man crusade [[Sonichu 8|against the garbage]]. In the process, he uploaded a number of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|pornographic and lewd]] artworks, one of which was [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a picture of him fingering Megan]] with her eyes obscured. Trolls originally believed that she was [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|his imaginary sister Crystal]], which prompted an outraged Chris to try to deny accusations of incestuous desires by revealing that the image was actually meant to represent Megan.<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#March 2008|Chris confirms Megan's identity on 18 March 2008.]]</ref><ref name="secondmessage"/>

By 12 [[March 2008]], Megan discovered the picture depicting her and demanded that it be removed immediately. Chris attempted to do so, but found himself blocked at every turn. His edits were quickly reverted, or even worse, compounded, as he tried to upload other versions of the picture with the face cropped out or obscured. On 21 [[April 2008]] Megan wrote an email to Chris saying she was not comfortable being around him anymore,<ref>[[Megan emails, 2008#Megan can't trust Chris anymore]]</ref> thus putting an end to their friendship.

Throughout the fiasco, Chris brashly attempted to paint himself as a greater victim than Megan, initially even assuming that she didn't understand what was going on in the picture. He would later admit he did it in part to suppress '''the occasional impulse to [[rape]] her''', and that trying to assert that what she was going through just BEING in the picture and learning what he could have done was ''nothing'' compared to the misery of the [[troll]]ing he was enduring.<ref>[[Megan_Emails,_2008#Chris_continues_bothering_her_about_ED]]</ref>

Evidence suggests that Megan was distancing herself from Chris even before she discovered the awful drawing. Comments by former GAMe PLACe patrons Daniel Mimms and [[Lucas]] indicate that Megan was already avoiding Chris before she found out ShecameforCWC.<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Initial post|Mimms and Lucas Q&A]]: "Megan would usually stand/hide behind me and Lucas to avoid [Chris], '''especially after''' the drawings of her got leaked [emphasis added]." This comment suggests that Megan was avoiding Chris before ShecameforCWC came to her attention. In their [[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Chris and Megan|discussion of Megan]], Mimms and Lucas seem to attribute Chris's groping as the main factor behind the deterioration of his relationship with her, while giving little weight to ShecameforCWC.</ref> Chris himself has partially confirmed this account on the [[CWCipedia]].<ref>[[CWCipedia]] on [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Megan+Schroeder Megan]: "When I started getting too close, [Megan] started to feel uncomfortable, My Bad. Then she distanced herself from me, saw other dudes, including a possible homosexual."</ref> It might very well be that ShecameforCWC was the last step in euthanizing a dying relationship, rather than killing a vibrant and living one.

==Aftermath==
{{quote|Too bad I was never just that too all into him.|Cartoon Megan, "I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC"}}

{{quote|Megan... WHY?!|Christian,
"I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC"}}

Despite Megan telling him she was no longer comfortable being in his presence, Chris was not willing to give up on her. On 11 [[2008#June|June 2008]], Chris sent an email to a person named Tyler Wane, asking Tyler to deliver Megan the birthday gift Chris bought for her (a German-English dictionary). Chris said he could not deliver her the gift himself due to being "forced into hiatus from the Pokemon League by that S.O.B. [[Michael Snyder|Mike]]". Tyler in response suggested to Chris to arrange meeting with Megan outside [[The GAMe PLACe]].<ref><[[Chris emails 2008#June]]</ref>

Megan surfaced again in Chris's thoughts in [[July 2009]], first in the [[CWC "Boyfriend"]] video, and then in the subsequent update, [[I Am The TRUE, Original CCWC]]. Chris also [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCo72hJ-SAg reposted] the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]] entry, though this version is slightly different from the ones frequently seen in latter days: After "...my friend Megan!", Chris inserted a short break with a photo of him and Megan, with a lovely heart frame. Either this is the original version before Chris tried to clean up his image, or a brand new version with new improved references to the long-lost love.

On 26 [[March 2009]], he released a [[CWC Major Update 26 March 2009 |Captain's Log]] where he told everyone to [[Chris and Hypocrisy|"leave her alone"]] because she was going through [[stress]] from the [[trolls]], and threatened to stop drawing the comic if they didn't. At the beginning of the video Chris claims that he was recently contacted by Megan; alternatively it could have been a troll posing as her.

On 12 [[August 2009]], he dedicated a song to Megan in one of his [[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]] videos, where the first sign that he'd convinced himself that she'd told him "I Love You" comes up (and he remains relatively consistent when speaking of her in acting as though this actually happened).

{{quote|Coming up next at #7, we got another long-distance dedication, to the old [[gal-pal]] of mine that I almost had a ra- I had meant to be- I had her "I love you" before I got kicked out, Megan Schroeder, her, from her favorite, this is from her favorite h-artist, Yngwie Malmsteen.|Christian, "[[KCWC Top 10 Dedication Special]]"}}

In 2010, he created a [[:File:ModNation GalPal.jpg|model of Megan]] for ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' (named "Gal Pal"), showing that he still can't let go.

=== Chris's version of events ===
On 16 [[May 2010]], the [[CWCipedia]]'s new fan manager Daria Camacho created a page for Megan, using the link on Chris's page of [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)|gal-pals and sweethearts]]. When Chris discovered it, he erased all of Daria's text and wrote his own version. The abridged version of events he presents is much shorter than his gigantic [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|rant on The Wallflower]], probably because the events of the Megan Saga are beginning to fade from his memory.

{{quotebox|If you REALLY MUST KNOW...

Megan and I first met at a Yu-Gi-Oh Tournament at The G&H Place, back when it was still in the Downtown Mall. It was around the time the Y.G.O. Movie debuted in theaters. She and I, we talked, hung out and became really good friends.

"I DID have lovey-dovey feelings for her, and I still care about her as a friend. I did her a number of favors by getting her this and that off of eBay, then she would reimburse me the cost of each item.

When I started getting too close, she started to feel uncomfortable, My Bad. Then she distanced herself from me, saw other dudes, including a possible [[homos]]exual.

I drew that drawing of her and me that is unfortunately popular among everyone who tends to haze me for TWO REASONS. Firstly, because of My Own Wishful Thinking. And second a tool in a lame attempt to overcrowd the E.D. page against me with Bu**C*** with my own "information" to shut it down.

Ever since, she totally spaced herself from me, like as if she had put a restraining order against, which she did not. And as I was being forced off the Place premesis the last day I was there, she stood by and watched in shock. She could have spoken up for me, but she did not.

I have lost communication with Megan since then.}}

In the months and years after his "breakup" with Megan, Chris came to try and act as if he'd gotten over her. His [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|CWCipedia page]] on [[The Wallflower]], for instance, claimed "I had LOOOOOONG moved on from Megan."

However, a lingering attachment betrayed itself on occasion. The archive of his [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)|female acquaintances]] on the CWCipedia noted, "I still miss her sometimes." In an [[Jackie_e-mails_Part_2#Chris_lies_about_The_Game_Place|e-mail to Jackie]] from April 2010, when he recounted having his picture taken at The GAMe PLACe, Chris said, "I was in a state of shock from seeing Megan and (her short-lived romance) Christopher MAKING OUT. '''That Should Have Been Me.'''"

==The Blame Game==

=== Origins ===
[[File:Megan Schroeder - 2013 September.jpeg|thumb|Megan, years later, still recovering from her ordeal. Out of frame: JERK.]]
The [[Matthew Noble call]] of August 2010 revealed that [[Bob]] and [[Barbara]] disliked and distrusted Megan, believing that she conspired with Michael Snyder and "some [[homos]]exual[s]" to get Chris banned from The GAMe PLACe. Barbara also mentions how Megan "lied" about something, suggesting that she believes Megan to be a troll.

It is possible that this belief originated with Chris, as in his correspondence with [[Katie Bay]], he lists Megan as a "possible troll".<ref>[[Katie_Bay_E-mails_2#26 July]]</ref> His reasoning was typical Chris - she had a vagina and didn't want to give him access to it. He also appears to have [[Autism|confused her with another white female brunette]] that placed a sign on his lawn on [[Halloween]] [[2008]].

=== Chris Doxes Megan ===

A series of leaked Facebook postings beginning in [[February 2012]] revealed Chris' ever-growing, pathological, and extreme hatred for Megan. His animosity for Megan supposedly grew much more vitriolic after buying into his parents' [[Chris and reality|completely baseless]] belief that Megan was responsible for the "Hate and Smear Campaign" against Chris:

{{quote|EVERYONE, I have most urgent news. It is Final in My Mind, and from my mother as an eye and ear witness of her consorting with [[Michael Snyder]] LONG Before Novembef, [[2007]]; Megan Schroeder IS the SEED of the Whole Hate and Smear Campaign Against Me on the [[Internet]]. If any of you all Know where she is, or have clues of her, or her brother...current wherabouts, Please Inform Me on THIS WALL, Posthaste. She is Needed Brought to me, my mother and [[Rob Bell|our attorney]], for Great Questioning, and a Huge Piece of my mind. Thank You, Christian W. Chandler|Chris, Facebook, [[February 2012 Facebook Posts#Urgent news|February 18, 2012]]}}

In the following days, Chris posted her contact information in hopes that his friends would troll her. Thankfully, this effort was not successful.

[[File:Fbp10.png|thumb|Chris' retarded attempt at trolling back Megan. He exhibits a belief that if you simply dox people online, they get trolled back, not realizing the large number of reasons why this only happened to him.]]

On 4 April [[2013]], Chris denounced The GAMe PLACe and called for Megan to be "jailed and beaten up", describing her as a "vile, wicked, traitorous bitch,"<ref>[http://i.imgur.com/mBFcon9.png Leaked Facebook post]</ref> a rare display of hatred upon a woman not seen from Chris since [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. Judging by a 20 July 2013 Facebook post, Chris seems to be holding Schroeder, along with [[Michael Snyder|Snyder]], to be the main culprit behind the various misfortunes he had over the years.<ref>[[Facebook#Spring Brakers]]</ref> Perhaps, if Chris ever starts the [[Sonichu_(comic)|comic]] up again, we shall see Megan taking up the golden hair/helm of being Chris's foe.

=== Megagi La Scapegoat ===

Chris's vitriol for Megan continues almost six years after his ban from [[The GAMe PLACe]], and he has even resorted to using Megan as a scapegoat for everything bad that happens to him even if he is blatantly responsible. In the aftermath of a permaban from [[Wal-Mart]] on the weekend of 7 September 2013 for having vandalized an [[Xbox]] One display, Chris flew into an incoherent rage and began blaming Megan for both his Wal-mart and GAMe PLACe bans:

{{quote|If it had not been for Mr. "Manajerk", Megan Schroeder, and their Internet Troll/Cyber-Bully Breeding and Meeting Ground, Cville's Hobbies, Games and Toys, My Family and I would not have had go through all of the emotionally depressing, and Financial Downfall to the depths of Greatly Poor and Just Getting By! The Manajerk has drained us financially, thinking we are freaking rich. And Megan has robbed me emotionally, started all of the Hate Against Me on the freaking Internet, Never financially paid me back for ALL of the material favors I bought for her off of eBay, and I WANT MY UNCUT "SAILOR MOON' DVDS FROM SEASONS "R" TO "SAILOR STAR" THAT GERMAN WARFARE BITCH CONNED FROM ME RETURNED TO ME!!!|Chris, Facebook, September 7, 2013}}

[[File:Sept13 Imgur 28.jpg|thumb|left|Megan's fate as a Lego voodoo doll. Notice her goth style clothing.]]
On 24 September 2013, Chris claimed in a Facebook post to have received an email from Daniel Mimms about Megan's current whereabouts. He now classes her with the Witch ([[Mary Lee Walsh]]) and the Bastard ([[Michael Snyder]]), and makes three [[Lego]] minifigs of them and shakes them together as a sort of punishment.<ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Voodoo-Wise]]</ref><ref>[[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Yep, the Bitch has not changed a thing...]]</ref> Of course, the notion that Chris can perform [[Wikipedia:Sympathetic magic|sympathetic magic]] to harm his enemies is [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|befitting]] with his [[Chris and reality|other delusions]]. Chris would continue to use this Lego minifigure of Megan as a totem to relieve his anger for her, and it appeared a month later "in detention" at [[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013|Lego Manchester High]].

On 3 October 2013, Chris posted another [[October 2013 Facebook Posts#Megagi La Skunk agrees that you should have never been born|rambling tirade directed at Megan]] to Facebook. This time, Chris claimed that [[Megagi La Skunk]], Megan's cartoon character that she probably doesn't even remember making, told him that she is "deeply distrustful" and agrees with Chris that Megan should have never been born. Additionally, as if she would even care, Megan's [[Sailor Megtune]] "powers" were "revoked" by Chris. On top of reiterating the previous "wrongdoings" by Megan, Chris has proven nothing at all, except perhaps that he suffers from [[Chris and reality|some form of]] [[Chris and anger|mental illness.]]

{{quote|
You ungrateful bitch. Quit hiding behind the Anons, Trolls, PLace People and every Damned Person who you have deceived into siding with you.

By the way, I have checked with Megagi La Skunk; she feels deep distrust in you. We mutually agree that you should have never been born, even if it meant she would never exist. Also, your Sailor Megtune powers; I created them for you; I have taken them away from you! Usagi and the Sailor Scouts would have been most ashamed of you.

...And by the way, I pray you have been having Really Bad Luck, Feeling Paranoid of EVERYONE, and Shakingly Stressed, because I continue to leave your minifigure upside-down and shaken with the Witch and the Bastard! And I have been feeling the very same grave emotions myself for the Six Long Years, you damn, dirty bitch!|Chris, Facebook, October 3, 2013}}

Chris ended his first rant with a comment reading "NOBODY ELSE COMMENT THIS POST!!!", possibly because he's tired of having his atrocious behavior called out by even the most ass-patting of his friends. The following day, Chris focused all his blame like a laser beam on Megan, insisting that she is responsible for the [[CWCki]], virtually all of his [[List of places that have banned Chris|bans]], the "theft" of his [[Sailor Moon]] DVDs ''yet again'', and astonishingly, even the fact that he lacks a sweetheart. That's right: not only is Megan the one who's responsible for everything Chris inflicted on himself, but also Chris will ''only'' forgive Megan after he gets [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|unpaid]] [[china]] he feels entitled to.

{{quote|I will only forgive Megan, and remove all curses upon her, when she apologizes to me In Person and Face To Face, when the Cwcki, its forum, and Everything Else Against me on the Freaking Internet is GONE, GONE, GONE, when I am NOT BANNED FROM ANYWHERE, when I get my original Uncut Sailor Moon DVDs returned to me, when my Good Name is Cleared of all of the bad, AND when I have my female Sweetheart for Forever. And I am Not Stepping Down beforehand.|Chris, Facebook, October 4, 2013, 10:09am}}

=== Megan, Queen of the Trolls ===

Roughly two hours later, Chris posted another Facebook message. While seemingly intending to explain the methodology of Megan's master [[troll]] scheme, to everyone else it actually reads more like valid condemnations of Chris' obnoxious behavior by his peers and authority figures. Finally, Chris re-iterated his desire not to hear any criticism from his friends, instructing others not to comment on his post and challenging Megan to a face-to-face meeting. Whether Megan cares enough to challenge, in-person, a delusional 31-year old who lives with his [[Barb|mother]] remains yet to be seen.

{{quote|Megan, I KNOW you and the PLace employee continuously conversed and conspired against me. "Christian is so weird. " "Tell me about it." "He hangs onto me, touching me, clinging onto my every word. Ugh." "I can not stand his shouting outbursts that echos in my head after both of those times he stressed out." "I want to just kill him; destroy his goody-two-shoes nature, soul, heart and all that shit my mashed potato grenade could shatter, but leave his body in tact, so I'm not committed for murder." "I just want to ban him from "MY" store forever." "I got it! Let's get an embarrassing photo of him, post it online, and put him to shame forever!" "Mimms and Lucas are tech freaks! Let's enlist them." "Yeah! Chris will be banned from "YOUR" store based on the hyped up mal online reputation; he will be out of my life forever. Pending possible nightmares and night terrors to come, but who the fuck cares; his Autistic, Fragile mind will shatter along with his heart after I kiss my homosexual fake boyfriend in front of him!" ""HA HA HA HA HA AHA HA HA!!!!!""

I am onto your game that took away six years of my life and destroyed me; you either pay me what you owe, or I continue to curse and haunt you with my father at my side.|Chris, Facebook, October 4, 2013, 12:44pm}}

Chris later deleted the two posts prior to this one; a few hours later, he deleted this one as well.

==Gallery==

===Art by Megan===
<center><gallery>
Image:061-MegansSailorMoonCD.jpg|[[Sailor Moon]]
Image:313-MegansSMoon.jpg|Sailor Moon
Image:316-MegagiOriginal.jpg|[[Megagi La Skunk]] ~ The pose in this and the following few drawings are quite obviously traced from the same source.
Image:318-HoundHowl.jpg|Hound Howl, which Chris reused as "Canino the Houndhowl" in the [[Wedding Comic]].
Image:319-PendingDoom.jpg
Image:320-Apocolypse.jpg
Image:321-IceCune.jpg
Image:322-houdourstuff.jpg
Image:Megan_ace_of_clubs.JPG|"Ace of Clubs" ~ Megan's original design for [[Patti-chan]], until Chris stole the design.
Image:Megyoshimitsu1.jpg|[[wikipedia:Yoshimitsu (Namco)|Yoshimitsu]] drawing, made in [[1990s|1996]].<ref name="tekken forces">[https://web.archive.org/web/20091012030656/http://www.tekkenforces.com/fanart/fanartgmegimitsu.php Tekken Forces Fanart Gallery]</ref>
Image:Megyoshimitsu2.jpg|''[[Wikipedia:Powerpuff Girls|Powerpuff Girls]]''-style Yoshimitsu<ref name="tekken forces"/>
</gallery></center>

===Art of Megan===
<center><gallery>
Image:Sonichu07-P03.jpg
Image:Sonichu07-P04.jpg
Image:Sonichu07-P05.jpg|KINDA OF A [[Dragon Ball Z|GOKU-GET-EM]] ATTITUDE. :)
Image:129-ChrisChanMegtune.jpg
Image:305-ACMegan.jpg
Image:306-ACMeganBck.jpg
Image:307-MegSch.jpg
Image:311-RedDarkMeggician.jpg
Image:312-PeanutsMegan.jpg|Another [[wikipedia:Schroeder (Peanuts)|Schroeder]].
File:ModNation GalPal.jpg|He just can't let go...
File:Sept13 Imgur 28.jpg|[[LEGO]] voodoo doll of Megan.
File:Lego2 - 24 September 2013.jpeg|He keeps it upside down to torture her.
File:Lego3 - 24 September 2013.jpeg|When he feels REALLY angry, he shakes it.
File:Meganfight 26.jpg|Chris victorious over the evil bitch.

</gallery></center>

===Miscellaneous===
<center><gallery>
Image:323-MegansDarkChao.JPG
</gallery></center>

==References==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Megan Schroeder}}
<references />

{{-}}
{{MeganSaga}}
{{People}}
{{Love quest}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Schroeder, Megan}}
[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:The GAMe PLACe]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]
[[Category:Megan Saga|*]]

Death threats

2016-11-11T08:25:50Z

Herman255:

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:Claw of fail 2.jpg|thumb|An evil man, plotting evil deeds.]]

Despite his belief that he is a compassionate, [[GodJesus]]-fearing person, [[Chris]] often goes on about how much he hates someone, or wants someone to suffer. In these rants, Chris occasionally crosses the line, and lets slip the fact that he honestly wants someone to die as horribly as possible. While it's clear that Chris is no legitimate threat to anyone's lives, the murderous revenge fantasies he has are frequently disturbing in their nature, especially for the often juvenile motivation for such threats. These '''death threats''' have become increasingly common since [[2009]].

==Means of delivery==
On a few occasions, Chris has dedicated special time and energy to immortalize his desire to kill in his [[comic]]. In these works, the person Chris wishes to destroy is often depicted as a purely evil villain, hellbent on the destruction of our innocent manchild hero. While these are much more noticeable than his other threats, they are also more infrequent, as Chris is lazy, and often unwilling to dedicate the time and energy to hurting his enemies in fiction. This list does not include real people who have been fictionalized and then assaulted by Chris in the comics, but rather, actual people who Chris has actually threatened.

The majority of Chris's cries for blood were delivered via [[YouTube]] videos. Compared to murdering somebody in a comic, shouting into a [[camera]] is very easy, and it allows Chris much more opportunity to scream and shout like the child he is. Lately, however, his preferred method of delivery seems to be [[Facebook]], and he has even gone a step beyond what he usually does by trying to post pictures and the personal information of his targets, almost as if he expects the trolls to suddenly take his side and go after them instead of him. ''('''Spoiler:''' They won't.)''

==Targets==
Either Chris's store of [[rage]] has steadily accumulated over years of trolling, or he's simply grown desensitized to the implications of calling for another person's death. While it was once a very rare occurrence for Chris to threaten or call for the death of his enemies, towards the end of [[2009]] and early [[2010]] Chris began screaming for murderous vengeance and penning elaborate, violent fantasies in the pages of his comic on a frighteningly regular basis.

===[[Adam Stackhouse]]===
One of Chris's earliest and broadest death threats targeted Adam Stackhouse, the winner of [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]] in [[2007]]. Chris's primary complaint was that Adam's video featured his sister Anna (Anna Stackhouse, not to be confused with [[Anna McLerran]]) in a supporting role, along with some beatboxing (neither of which was actually against the rules). He also had similar complaints about the second and third-placed videos, and so wrote a [[PSN Blogs|PSN Blog]] entry which included the following:

{{Quote|I curse those seven people (between the cast of the three illegal videos) to '''DIE and BURN!'''|Chris's idea of a calm response to disappointment}}

By itself, this could be written off as a pathetic outburst from a [[virgin with rage]], but Chris wasn't content to leave it at that; he elevated it to an actual death threat by creating [[CWC is Angry|a video]], the first two minutes of which featured nothing but Chris repeatedly shooting a picture of the Stackhouses. Whether or not the threats towards Adam (and the second and third-place contestants) were taken seriously, many felt that he was crossing the line by bringing Anna (who is considerably younger than Adam or Chris) into the matter, which is probably why he eventually removed the video from [[YouTube]].

In a rare display of conscience, Chris actually [[Chris Chan Update 24 September 2008|retracted and apologized]] for this death threat...about thirteen months after he first issued it. The offending blog entry was deleted by a PSN admin, after Chris responded to an earlier request to remove it himself by telling the admin in question to "SHUT UP AND GO READ THE OFFICIAL RULES!!!!" (earning himself a temporary ban from PSN in the process).

===[[Jack Thaddeus]]===
On [[Christmas]] Day [[2009]], Chris uploaded a video aptly titled "[[Kill De Jack]]", making public his great desire for Jack to die. So much for goodwill towards men. Oddly, he never actually physically demanded that Jack be murdered in the course of the video, spending most of his time bitching about the [[homos]]exual ads that Jack had placed on the [[CWCipedia]].

{{Quote|And to go back to the current topic, '''Kill de Jack Thaddeus'''.|Chris, [[Download For Play Only|changing topics]].}}

Chris verbally stated his intent to murder Jack on 26 [[December 2009]]. Then on the 27th Chris uploaded another [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|video]], where he switched it up by demanding that Jack save Chris the trouble, and kill ''himself''. These demands that Jack and [[Clyde]] murder themselves soon became the norm, showing up in videos, [[CWC Blog#28 December 2009|blog entries]], and scattered about on the [[CWCipedia]]. Needless to say, Jack continued to refuse to kill himself.

Unable to slay his enemy in the real world, Chris returned to his old revenge proxy--[[Sonichu (comic)|the ''Sonichu'' comics]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris trapped Jack and Clyde on top of the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building, and then assaulted it with powerful soundwaves. This compromised the building's structural integrity, and effectively doomed everyone inside it to death and dismemberment. Jack and Clyde, unable to escape the crumbling tower, opted to throw themselves down the elevator shaft to escape being crushed under the rubble. These pages prove once and for all that Chris is more than willing to slaughter hundreds just to get back at someone who was mean to him on the Internet.

===[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]===
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|Jason bleeding to death on the cold ground.]]

The creator of the [[ED]] page that brought Chris into the limelight has been the target of Chris's impotent cries for blood several times. The most notable instance of this is in [[Sonichu 8#Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage"|''Sonichu'' #8]], where Chris depicted him being brutally slashed, electrocuted and ''faceraped'' by [[Rosechu]]. It even gets stated outright that the assault was fatal, and that the only reason Jason was alive was due to "dark powers." Whether these powers are Jason's own psychic ability, or some malevolent force that merely wishes to see Jason suffer longer, is left ambiguous.

Chris also tried to play the [[True and Loyal Fanbase#Personal army|personal army]] game against him with [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|a video]]. While most of the message fell in line with the general "please troll this person instead of me" lines, one passage in particular stands out from the rest.

{{Quote|Shower him with as much hate as possible until that Encyclopedia Dramatica page is taken down, '''along with him'''.|Chris subtly expressing his desire for Jason to stop existing.}}

Also notable is the time Chris attempted to involve [[GodJesus]] in his murder plot. [[Chris and religion|They have yet to respond]].

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO KILL JASON KENDRICK HOWELL|Chris-chan, [[Sonichu Girls]] forum}}

And who can forget the phone call Jason received after [[Sonichu.net]] was hacked by someone Chris thought was him?

{{quote|[[Jason Kendrick Howell message|I! PRAY! YOU! DEAD]]!|Chris}}

Although Jason did create the original ED page, he has never had a particularly active role in tormenting Chris, choosing (like most of us) to simply enjoy the show. As such, while Chris has never really "forgiven" him, threats against Jason have essentially ceased as Chris shifts his focus to more immediate threats.

===Clyde Cash===

{{Quote|'''[[Song of Christian#Part 2|EEEEEEENNNNNNNNGH!]] I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH! I WILL...DIE HIS LIGHTS OUT! IF I EVER MEET THAT BASTARD...IN PERSON.'''|Chris, [[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|while smiling evilly]].}}

The undisputed leader and hero of all of Chris's [[trolls]], Clyde Cash has been on the receiving end of his fair share of death threats. The sheer hatred Chris holds for Clyde is impressive in its own right. With the other trolls, Chris has at least tried to appear subtle about his dark intentions, or kept his demands for their deaths relatively infrequent. Where Clyde is concerned, Chris is extremely upfront and clear about his desire to murder Cash. Even Clyde faking his own suicide was not enough to escape Chris's wrath.

{{Quote|CLYDE DO YOU HEAR ME?! YOU ARE DEAAAD! YOU ARE DEAD! '''YOU ARE DEAD!'''|Chris, [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|somewhat angry]].}}

Thereafter, Chris's cries for Clyde's blood upon took on much more serious undertones. While his earlier threats of strangulation and being forced to eat his own underwear were done with no apparent attempt to follow through on his dark words, more recent threats have come with demands that Clyde should come and face Chris in person, so that Chris might physically extract his revenge. It could be inferred by this that Chris has indeed planned out [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|exactly what his course of action would be if Clyde did suddenly show up at his front door.]]

{{Quote|You come to me. I will fight you! I will CRUSH YOU!|Chris, [[Challenge for Clyde|asking for a fight]].}}

Chris posted [[Don't Mess With Me| another video]] in which he roleplayed encountering Clyde Cash in real life. Upon being insulted by 'Clyde', Chris proceeded to pretend to beat up, choke, and finally slit the throat of the imaginary Clyde with a real knife, intended as an ominous warning to other trolls.

Chris's threats against Clyde culminated in a video where he, dressed as [[You Think You're a Man|Divine]], [[DivineTrial|ordered his execution]], with a Shadow the Hedgehog doll standing in for the "Cashey-type person".

Finally, there's the matter of Clyde's family. It's not enough for Chris to merely murder Clyde. Chris has shown that he feels the entire Cash family line is just as deserving of his rage as Clyde, and has stated this outright. The fact that this is essentially a small scale act of ''genocide'' has apparently not occurred to him.

{{Quote|THIS IS FOR CLYDE CASH TO EVERY LAST ONE OF HIS FAMILY MEMBERS INCLUDING HIS COUSIN [[Vivian Gee|VIVIAN]]!|Chris, immediately before [[Sign Destruction Video|sinking his teeth into a doll's head]].}}

===[[Liquid Chris]]===
[[Ian Brandon Anderson]] had made a number of videos raging against [[Liquid Chris|the real Chris]], but he didn't cross over into death threat territory until after Liquid declared himself the victor of the [[SingStar Challenge]].

{{Quote|'''DIIIIIIIIIEEEEE YOU!!'''|Ian, [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|eloquently expressing his disapproval]].}}

[[Image:BustACap.jpg|thumb|Ian's solution to boyfriends.]]

Ian's murderous tendencies showed up again in [[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler]]. In the video, Ian manages to twist a game made for children of all ages into a tool to spread his hatred, as he breaks into Liquid's home and shoots him. Due to the limitations of the game, this is accomplished with a paint gun, but what happens next makes his true intent all too clear.

In a stunning display of unoriginality, Ian reused exactly the same plotline for [[Sonichu Special 4]]. In this comic, Ian depicts Liquid as a knife-wielding villain who kidnapped [[Kacey]]. Upon arriving to "rescue" her, Ian produces a handgun ([[Megatron pistol|possibly Decepticon leader Megatron in disguise]]), shoots Liquid in both his shins, and leaves him to bleed to death. When [[Kacey]] [[Kacey and Liquid Call|expressed horror]] at the fact that he wanted to kill her boyfriend, Ian missed the point about why she was so upset. He told her that he could re-draw the comic, and that such shots were meant to keep Liquid from chasing them, completely avoiding the issue that wanting to shoot someone or permanently cripple them is off-putting. Ian also tried to justify this with the fact that Comic-Liquid was coming at him with a knife, and didn't seem to comprehend the real source of Kacey's shock: she wasn't angry at Comic-Chris for defending himself (albeit in a cowardly way) as she was angry at Real-Chris for constructing a fantasy in which he could justify maiming and permanently crippling her boyfriend, and be completely in the right about it.

===Vivian Gee===
Afraid that Vivian would not understand the "fury of [his] wrath", Chris opted to use a visual aid. He accomplished this with a [[Clown Doll]] and a wooden spike.

{{Quote|NOW WATCH WHAT I DO WITH THIS AS I WILL DO TO VIVIAN GEE IF SHE DOES NOT S- TAKE DOWN EVERY LAST ONE OF [[Audiobooks|HER VIDEOS]] AND CLOSES HER YOUTUBE ACCOUNT!|Chris, expressing his desire to stab an innocent woman to death.}}

While there is an obvious difference between attacking a person and a doll, the sight of a grown man taking such obvious joy in the idea of violently killing a woman is disturbing nonetheless. The video also includes a threat against every single member of Vivian's family (including her cousin, [[Clyde Cash]]), though it's not clear if he actually wishes to kill them, or just beat them up and bite off their hats.

[[Image:YouDieTodayBitch.PNG|thumb|A friendly letter from Chris.]]

Vivian revealed in a now-deleted YouTube video that Chris also took the more direct approach to threatening her death. On 1 [[September 2009]] he actually sent her an E-mail directly demanding that she get a heart attack and pass away immediately. Fortunately, Chris [[CWC Update 7 July 2009|does not have the Death Note]], and Vivian survived.

{{Quote|D, Vivian G, D!|Chris, [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|13 September 2009]]}}

Chris later apologized for the threatening message. While the apology was more like begging for money then a genuine show of [[Chris and remorse|remorse]], it's possible that he realized that personally sending people death threats could actually get you in serious trouble and was making an attempt at damage control.

===Alec Benson Leary===
While Chris has no problem calling Sonichu a [[parody]] in a misguided effort to avoid copyright infringement and create a moneymaking franchise, when someone ''actually'' parodies Sonichu or any of his other creations, he goes right off the deep end. Alec Benson Leary is the gentle and kind creator of [[Asperchu]], which is effectively a parody of Sonichu himself as well as Chris's hatred of everything Asperger's and "seemingly" homosexual. For a few weeks after the comic's debut, Chris ignored Asperchu, regarding it as nothing more than a simple parody. Soon enough, however, many of his fans began abandoning Sonichu for Asperchu, and announcing their intentions in his [[Mailbag]].

On January 9, 2010, the first [[Captain's Log]] of that year, Chris [[Down with asperchu|called out Alec Benson Leary]] after advertisements for the Asperchu wiki (the [[Asperpedia]]) started showing up on the CWCipedia (replacing the homoerotic ads that had been an earlier source of turmoil). Not amused with the new ads or his Sonichu's appearance in the comics, Chris started raging out.

{{Quote|DIE, you son of a bitch, Alec, die!|Chris, being Chris as usual.}}

Alec represents the first time Chris has ever issued a public death threat to someone who had shown him respect. While most of the other individuals Chris has threatened have been antagonistic towards him, all of Alec's public communications up to that point had been a combination of respect and admiration. The only reasons Chris had to hate Alec was the fact that his character is overweight and his website runs on the same MediaWiki software. A few days later, Chris claimed that he knew where Alec lived in the description to one of his [[12 January 2010|videos]]. Fortunately for Alec, it was just another lie.

While delivering an in-depth analysis of [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|Asperchu]], Chris threatened to have the ghost of his dog [[Patti]] maul Alec to death in his sleep in hell. It is unclear if he realizes he implied Patti Chandler is in hell. Alec has responded to this most recent threat by using his adspace on the [[CWCipedia]] to ask people to donate to victims of the [[Wikipedia:2010 Haiti earthquake|earthquake in Haiti]]. Clearly, Alec is just as horrible a man as Chris claims him to be. Chris finally took his hatred of Alec to its conclusion in late February, slaughtering him in ''Sonichu'' #10 alongside Sean, Evan and Mao.

===Evan, Mao and Sean===
[[Image:SchuComic10P91.jpg|thumb|"BLOOD AND GORE!"]]

Chris included [[Evan]] and [[Mao]], two of Leary's partners in the creation of [[Asperpedia]], in another threat against Alec's life. Evan was most likely singled out because of his campaign to have [[Simonchu|his character]] removed from Chris's comic. Mao, on the other hand, has done nothing to Chris other than be a good friend to Alec. On 1 [[February 2010]] a reversing twist of situation appeared over the use of the adspace on [[CWCipedia]]. Mao was set on the receiving end of a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and then was asked to [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|"Take down the ads! Or prematurely ROT!"]] while, on the other side, Evan and Alec [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|received apologies]] for the death threats with a [[Chris and remorse#Motivation to apologize|hint of reciprocity]] for the management of the ads on Chris's wiki. This is all taken back when Chris tells them along with Alec and Sean to [[9 February 2010|"rot... in... HELL!!!"]]

{{quote|My amends have been made.|Chris, failing at respect and basic [[Chris and English|English]] after an unjust trial resulting in torture and execution.}}

Despite originally "having less offense" with Sean, Chris demonstrated considerable rage later on, threatening [[15 January 2010|to beat him]] and curse him. However, he refrained from crossing into death threat territory until [[Sonichu 10]] - wherein he drew the dazed and confused artist attempting to defend himself in court, despite [[Chris and the Law|totally unsubstantial "mental evidence" extracted from his mind being used against him.]] Then, approximately one page after finishing his [[Chris and remorse|apology]], he summarily [[Chris and death|executes all four of the poor bastards.]] While doing so, he has each of the extremely biased "victims" take part, including a toddler, and Chris himself. (Of note is that Chris literally [[Rage|depicts himself tearing out Mao's heart.]])

===[[Cogsdev]]===
A vague death threat was given when Chris discovered the [[CWCki]] on 11 [[March 2010]], [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Featured_Quote&curid=40&diff=4006&oldid=4005 where Chris claimed] "there will be trouble upon that Person directly from Me" unless every page about his sweethearts was removed by 12 March 2010. He later [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Featured_Quote&diff=next&oldid=4006 extended the deadline] to remove all traces of his sweethearts to 31 March 2010. This is due to Chris [[Wallflower#Anonymity|once again]] believing he was responsible for something becoming inaccessible on the Internet. His threat to [[Cogsdev|her]] was clarified in this extension, in which he said "The deadline is March 31, 2010, 11:59 PM, [[Chris and English|Easter]] Standard Time. Do it, or there WILL be trouble. I am [[Pocket knife|Armed]] after all." This threat was realized when Chris created an [[User:GodofThunderGodofWar|account]] on the CWCki, and proceeded to [[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki|fail at vandalism]].

Chris's threats were directed to the webmaster of the CWCki, and he initially identified the webmaster as male. As such, it is currently unknown whether Chris has managed to determine the identity of the webmaster, despite the domain name. He has yet to yell at her in a video, and given the death of the [[CWCipedia]] and his current attempts to avoid the Internet, it's unlikely he will.

===[[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]]===
On 2 [[March 2010]], after Surfshack Tito hacked into Chris's PSN account, he weakly threatened that (Tito) would "[[Patti|get yours in your dreams- your- in your nightmares]]", while also firing a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse Shot]]. Twelve days later, in his video "[[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]", he threatens Tito with his [[pocket knife]] and a [[Homos|panty shot in a kilt]]. Chris believed that Tito was the main reason [[The Wallflower]] stopped talking to him; the actual cause for their separation was partly due to concerned trolls and partly due to Chris's refusal to be "[[friend zone|friend-zoned]]". In either case, Chris's threat did not work; instead, he offended [[Cogsdev|countless]] [[User:Great Briton|citizens]] of Scotland and the United Kingdom in the same way he offended [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]] in his [[War Paint Video]].

On 17 [[March 2010]], Chris made his most threatening video yet: in it, he accused Surfshack Tito of being the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], a womanizer, and a rapist; called him a [[nigger]]; and promised to cut him up and squeeze his fat into his skull until it bursts open. This blatant display of racism is generally considered to be the event that prompted Jack Thaddeus to pull all of his ads from the [[CWCipedia]]. The CWCipedia was then taken over by Mao, allowing the Asperpedia Four to totally wreck Chris's shit.

===[[Lars McNulty]]===
On 25 September 2010, Chris unleashed his anger against Lars, Jackie's ex-[[Jerk|boyfriend]] by smashing a model boat made of [[LEGO]] symbolizing the Titanic with a figurine named "Lars" aboard. Two days later, Chris addressed to Lars a [[New Address|second video]] in which he claimed that he would [[CWC Fighter|"interfere"]] if Lars didn't [[Chris and hypocrisy|grow up]] and leave Jackie alone. He ended the video by throwing another toy boat to the ceiling.

===[[Michael Snyder]]===

On 13 February 2011, Chris released the [[Autism Tutorial]] levels in ''LBP2''. In part three of the series, a rant about Mary Lee Walsh segues into a death threat directed towards Michael Snyder, in which Chris expresses his wish that [[The GAMe PLACe]] would catch fire and burn down, killing Michael in the process.

The infamous [http://imgur.com/a/1HYJJ Imgur leak] would also reveal multiple wishes made by Chris that Michael should die, including one where he wished Snyder was murdered by gunshot.

===Mimms' Girlfriend===
{{quote|I still want to make Mimms' life the emotional hell he has turned my life into. Somebody, please, kill his girlfriend.|A leaked [[Twitter]] post from 12 [[May 2012]].}}

An archive of his hidden Facebook posts on Imgur revealed an enraged Chris demanding that somebody kill Mimms' girlfriend, claiming that he wanted to take away the "[[Women's rights|possession]]" that made Mimms feel happy the most.

===[[Megan Schroeder]]===

Yes, you read that correctly. A [http://i.imgur.com/mBFcon9.png leaked Facebook post] revealed that Chris was so bitter about his rejection by Megan, that he wanted to 'exact his fullest revenge' upon her, right before saying that she should be [[Sonichu_10#Trial_of_the_Asperpedia_Four|jailed and beaten]]. Ironically, [[Chris and hypocrisy|he follows up this very mean-spirited post by calling ''her'' "vile" and "wicked".]]

===[[CWCki Forums]]===

On 28 April 2012, Chris made the declaration that he found the CWCki Forums, that he knows where each member lives, and that he'll come after each of them.

===[[Mal-Wart|Walmart]] [[CWC-isms|"Lady Manajerk"]]===

After getting his ass [[Mal-Wart#Banished_from_the_region|(rightfully) tossed from Wal-Mart]] by the [[manajerks|manajerk]], Chris threw a tantrum on Facebook, saying that he'll have revenge, and that she would be "FIRED FROM LIFE!"

===Every Single Employee of Sega===
{{Main|Sonic Boom Protests}}

Even the creators of Chris's childhood hero are not safe from death threats. You might think this was because of one (or more) of their horribly underwhelming Sonic games of recent years, but no- Chris made this threat because the 2014 game ''Sonic Boom'' (and the accompanying TV series) changed the color of Sonic's arms from tan to blue.

{{Quote|You Either Recall EVERYTHING of the new Sonic Boom, RIGHT NOW, or I will Seriously RIP HIS ARMS OFF and Seriously '''Watch You All At SEGA DIE''' from this most Heinous Of Crimes EVER!!!|Chris, in a typical demonstration of where his priorities are.}}

Oh, and in case you're wondering whose arms Chris was threatening to possibly rip off, the [[Facebook]] post which contained this death threat was accompanied by a shot of an angry Chris holding a soft toy Sonic based off of the ''Sonic Boom'' design. Needless to say, many of his Facebook friends, including [[William Elliott Waterman]], immediately called him out for this absurd overreaction, to no avail. The following month, Chris escalated matters by posting the following to the "[[Keep Sonic Original]]" Facebook group:

{{Quote|WE NEED TO KILL SEGA INTO RECALLING EVERYTHING NOW!!! EVEN IF WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING LIKE PUT KNIVES AND BOMBS TO THEIR TROATS!!!|What happens when Chris doesn't get his way.}}

Not surprisingly, Chris was ejected from the group almost immediately. Undeterred, he set up [[FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!|his own group]], where he began making cryptic remarks about putting his "fingernails to Sega's throat." When others questioned him on what exactly he was talking about, he confirmed that yes, this was indeed ''another'' death threat:

{{Quote|But, now I am looking to '''slit their throats''' with my long fingernails to force the Total Recall of Everything Sonic Boom to Fix the Mistake to happen SOONER!|Chris, revealing his unusual choice of assassination weapons.}}

Thus far, Sega have not reacted to Chris's demands, not that this has stopped him from continuing his ''Sonic Boom'' protests, and even [[26 December 2014|escalating them]] to previously unseen levels.

On 9 [[June 2015]], Chris threatened Sega producer [[Omar Woodley]] with physical violence after it was revealed that ''Sonic Boom: Fire & Ice'' will be a thing.

===Donald Trump===
Chris has an intense hatred of 2016 Republican Presidential Candidate [[Pmurt|Donald Trump]], to the point that he made two videos of himself role-playing acts of violence on him with ''[[Transformers]]'' and ''[[My Little Pony]]'' toys<ref>[[September 2016 Paid Video Requests#Paid Message to the Trolls]]</ref><ref>[[Something Completely Different - A few Transformers Jokes, also anti-Pmurt]]</ref>, while saying phrases such as, "And now, we'll stomp Donald Trump's head."

Within hours of Trump's victory in the 2016 Presidential Election, Chris posted an [[November_2016_Facebook_posts#Chris_wants_Trump_assassinated|assassination request]] on Facebook. He also uploaded a [[Eid, Pmurt, Eid|video]] of himself attacking one of his toys to show his anger.

===Mike Pence===
On 10 November 2016, Chris has also wished death to Vice President-elect [[Wikipedia:Mike Pence]] along with the President-elect Trump on one Twitter post.

===Himself===
Yes, you read that correctly. [[September 2013 Facebook Posts#God_Trolls_Chris_Yet_Again|After getting in a fender bender on 7th September, 2013]], Chris actually [[Chris and anger|snapped]] and prayed ''himself'' dead at the hands of God, similar to his past threat against [[Jason Kendrick Howell]].

==Chris as a recipient==
Chris said he allegedly received a death threat ("YOU'RE DEAD! YOU'RE DEAD!") from [[Michael Snyder]] on 4th [[June 2010]]. Given that Chris was trespassing at the GAMe PLACe again, and that Mike was under the impression that Chris was trying to [[pedofork|photograph his daughter]], this outburst seems fairly reasonable. Chris responded very negatively to this threat, [[Chris and hypocrisy|bitching about the "verbal harassment"]] in his next [[6 June 2010|video]].

Earlier, during the [[Ivy]] [[Saga]], Chris received a death threat from a Clyde Cash impersonator. Despite all of his tough talk, Chris was completely paralyzed by fear and actually [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shat his bed]] in terror. Before Ivy could convince him that the threat was an empty one, he had placed a decoy in his soiled bed and hidden under a pile of stuffed animals, as if he were a child hiding from the boogeyman.

==Likelihood of Acting Out on Death Threats==
As a bit of reassurance to anyone who thinks that Chris, a [[Autism|mentally ill man]] who has endured endless harassment from the [[trolls]] would one day [[Chris and anger|snap]] and [[Strangle_that_Clyde_Cash|attempt to kill somebody]], consider the following. For starters, Chris is a coward, and would likely [[Charlottesville_Fashion_Square#Chris_vs._Fashion_Square|run at the slightest hint of conflict]], possibly shitting himself in terror in the process ''(If you think that's an exaggeration, see the last paragraph under 'Chris as a recipient' above.)'' Secondly, Chris's poor [[Chris and Health|health]], clear [[Pull-up|lack of exercise]] and [[Don%27t_Mess_With_Me|slow reaction time]] would make being chased and overpowered by him in any instance a sheer impossibility unless the recipient is in far worse health than him. Also, Chris often assumes that his target would [[Don%27t_Mess_With_Me|simply stand there and let him carry out murder]], almost like an execution, and it's likely that should his target try to fight back, he'll be caught off guard. Last, but not least, Chris seems to prefer that his trolls come [[14 Branchland Court|directly to him]], as going out of his [[Chris%27s_room|comfort zone]] is far too much effort. Lest we forget, he [[Miyamoto_Saga#11_January_2009_to_15_January_2009:_Chris_Can.27t_Afford_to_Fly_to_Redmond|wouldn't even put up $800 to pursue his own lifelong dreams]], so what makes you think he'll even bother going after trolls, even ''if'' he [[Facebook#Maniacal_Laughter_from_Who_now.3F_Oh.2C_wait.2C_It_Is_ME.21_.3E8D|knew where they all lived]]?

Long story short, the most likely outcome of Chris attempting to follow up on his death threats would be a good old-fashioned game of [[Kick the Autistic]].

==See also==
*[[Chris and death]]
*[[Chris and anger]]

[[Category:Lists]]
[[Category:Things Chris likes]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

Carlos

2015-07-18T01:59:44Z

Herman255: Creating a redirect to Carlos Chantor

#Redirect [[Carlos Chantor]]