CWCki - User contributions [en]

14 Branchland Court

2015-06-26T12:53:07Z

Htrtu: /* Gallery */

[[File:14bc1.jpg|thumb|The house in 2012.]]
[[Image:Chandlerhousegooglemaps.jpg|thumb|Aerial shot of the house.]]
{{quote|No burglar would ever want anything in this house.|Chris, being surprisingly ([[Manchester High Leaks|almost]]) modest.<ref>[[Mailbag 44#No burglar would steal Chris's stuff|Mailbag 44]]</ref>}}

'''14 Branchland Court''', [[Ruckersville, VA]] is the vile lair of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], his mother [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]], [[Christopher's name change|Christopher's ghost]], [[Clover and Snoopy]] and the surviving [[Chandler cats]]. It was a white (now faded to ivory) two-story house trimmed in pink (faded from a dark red) with three bedrooms on the outskirts of Ruckersville, but since its renovation has been repainted in beige with dark green shutters. The property is near the intersection of Branchland Court and Westwood Drive, facing northwest. The house is just past the local trailer park, and nestled in a lower middle class suburban community. Built in [[Pre-1980#1970s|1977]], and with no major work done since [[1986]]<ref>[[:File:14BranchlandCourt.png]]</ref>, the house shows its age with its tacky fake shutters and vinyl siding. As a result of its dated look, in addition to the decaying gardens and overgrown yard, it has done a number on local property values.

As of [[March 2009]], all space not used for walking or sleeping appeared to be packed full of junk. However, in earlier pictures (those of [[Chris]]'s twentieth birthday [2002], for instance), the house seemed reasonably tidy. In his [[Tour of Christian's House|video tour]], Chris also keeps referring to the fact that "things got cluttered," suggesting that the house has grown fuller and fuller in the past decade. "Clutter" is, of course, a horrible understatement. The house is packed with crap. Its former living room is unusable, with junk filling the entire space and reaching within two feet of the ceiling. Similarly, other rooms are full of junk, but rather than solid blocks of shit, there are small crevices with chairs, TVs, and other furnishings.

[[THAT IS MY HOUSE]] revealed that Chris's parents were aware of the house's condition (what with the junk being both a health hazard and a fire hazard), and fear that [[Tour of Christian's House|Chris's video tours]] may elicit the attention of the [http://www.vdh.state.va.us/LHD/ThomasJefferson/Greene/ Health Department of Greene County] resulting in their home being condemned. Trolls made several calls to the health department in hopes of spurring such a process into action, but their efforts proved fruitless.

Chris [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|claimed]] to have put forth some effort towards cleaning up the house in early 2010, but the "back-breaking" tasks he describes amount to simple maintenance, like vacuuming and scrubbing the floors. He talks about this as if he is making great progress in fixing the disaster area that is 14 Branchland Court, but his efforts appear to be just enough to keep him from [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|slipping on cat shit]] on a regular basis. His mother has threatened to kick him out of the house if he tries to throw away her worthless junk.<ref>[[Kacey Call 10]]</ref>

Chris also claimed that Bob used to use a computer, but Barbara bought an enormous amount of crap from Goodwill, blocking off the computer. Apparently, Bob was too lazy or unwilling to provoke a fight, as he just stopped using the computer.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 8|Jackie Chat #8]]</ref>

In [[Rocky Shoemaker call|a phone call]] to [[Rocky Shoemaker]], it was revealed that 14 Branchland Court was infested, and that the parasitic infestation caused [[Bob Chandler|Bob]] to be "covered in bug bites" before his death from heart disease.

On 10 January 2014, Chris reported that the house had sustained major structural damage from an [[Destruction_Of_Chris's_House|early-morning house fire]] following an electrical shortage. Chris, Barb, the dogs, Lucy, and other possessions made it out safely, but the state of the house and the family's possessions is (as of 11 January) considered unknown.

On December 6, 2014, Chris had announced on Facebook that 14 Branchland Court had been renovated and that he and his mother would be moving back in. Although Chris was temporarily detained in jail after his misadventure on [[26 December 2014]], he was later released on bail and moved back into his house in January 2015.

==History==
Chris lived at 14 Branchland Court from his birth (24 February [[1982]]) until his family moved him to the Richmond area, some distance away, in order to escape the [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Greene County]] Public School system's attempts to pull him out of mainstream schools. After the move, which took place in fall [[1992]], Chris and his father lived in the Richmond suburbs while his mother held the fort in Ruckersville so she could continue working for the local electric power authority until retirement. Barbara joined them after retiring a few years later.

The Chandlers moved back to the Ruckersville house in [[2000]] after Chris graduated [[high school]]. In [[100 2178|a video]] released in [[May 2010]], Chris claims that his family tried and failed to sell the house at some point, and would have stayed in the Richmond suburbs if they had been able to find a buyer. (He attributes the house's failure to sell to a conspiracy between local realtors and the Greene County school system; but, as this article will explain, it probably went unsold for more practical reasons.)

==The Tour==
{{main|Tour of Chris's House}}
[[Image:CWCHouse.jpg|thumb|right|Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.]]
{{quote|if Clyde thought my room is a mess, he should see the rest of my house; my family has a LOT of clutter from small things in boxes to furniture. [...] You don't need to feel surprised from the mess of my family, my mother got her things one at a time while "it was a bargain".|Chris to [[Julie]]<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 5]]</ref>}}
{{clear}}
In two videos uploaded on 27 [[March 2009]], Chris provided a tour of his house and the property that it's on. Like his own room, Chris's entire house is a disaster area. Several rooms are so full of junk that Chris cannot enter them.

What follows is a brief description of the rooms and other areas of 14 Branchland Court.

===First floor===
[[File:0012-BobbyReading.jpg|thumb|250px|Bob in the family room.]]
In the north corner is what Christian describes as "the [[music]] room", which is primarily the domain of [[Barbara Chandler]], who frequently sleeps there. A small bathroom is directly in front of the stairs leading up to the front door. On the other end of a short hallway is the utility room, in which the family keeps a refrigerator in addition to the usual washer and dryer. The family room (possibly in the west corner) had been claimed by the late [[Bob Chandler]], who apparently slept there as well. If Chris's parents ever had, or used, dedicated bedrooms in the house, they have yet to be filmed.

===Second floor===
[[Image:411-CWCWeekP5 crop 2.jpg|thumb|right|[[Barbara]] moving Chris's earthly possessions from [[Richmond]] back to the living room in April [[2000]]. The junk was already amassing.]]

[[Chris's room]] is in the north corner of the second floor. Across the hallway, near the east corner, is a filthy bathroom, which apparently has not been cleaned in years, as implied by the layers of dark brown/green mold growing in the shower and the peeling of the veneer on the cabinetry. The kitchen and dining area are apparently near the southern corner and southwestern wall. The computer Chris uses for Internet access seems to be in this part of the house, as is a Christmas tree left up year-round. Tellingly, Chris has actually photographed himself with [[Officer Nasty]] and [[sex toys|dildos]] in the kitchen, and has even [[mass debating|mass debated]] over a webcam feed. This implies that Snorlax (and Bob, when he was still with us) never actually leave the areas in which they sleep and spend their days there, leaving Chris free to do [[sex tape|whatever he wants]] undisturbed. The living room, packed with boxes and shit, is across the stairway from Chris's room.
{{clear}}

===Yard===
The Chandlers' yard consists of some simple crossed wood planters near the curb and some small shrubs and trees out front. The plants in the planters have long since [[Chris and death|died]]. The backyard contains a shed and a small platform leading to a back entrance. The shed is full of shit, most notably a car, and was once the place where [[Bob]] would tinker with machines. After that, there are some trees and the pen where [[Patti]] once played. Her [[Father Call|5-10 ton doghouse]] still stands, and she is buried nearby. At some point, a tree branch fell on the grave. Being lazy, Chris cannot summon the strength to pick the damn thing up.

However, in earlier pictures (when Chris was less huge and he had yet to start his [[Love Quest]]), we can see that the yard used to be quite lush and beautiful, with a variety of flowers planted around the area, the grass clipped, and healthy trees. Many people speculate that over the years, Chris's parents have gotten too old or too lazy to care for their garden, leaving the area neglected.

As of [[February 2012]], the yard has been completely obscured by trash, junked cars, and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|God knows what else]]. From the street one could barely stand the smell and only the bravest of Ruckersville's citizens dare to venture past.

In 2013, a troll passing Chris's house in his car uploaded [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwZKGe4BOSE a video], showing the front yard almost completely covered by an overgrown lawn, in addition to the above.

==The Tour II: Electric Hedgehog Boogaloo==

In 2013, a [[Tour_of_Chris's_House_II|video was leaked]] by [[Alec Benson Leary]] showing the state of Chris' home since the last tour he gave in 2009. Needless to say ''(especially in light of eyewitness reports of his front yard in 2012)'', the house has become even ''more'' of a mess since then. Whereas Chris had at least ''some'' room to maneuver in the 2009 Tour Video, here, the passageways have become so narrow and jam-packed that even he complains about all of the clutter being in his way. The kitchen, in particular, has become an unsightly mess- the Chandlers apparently couldn't be half-assed to put away their groceries, so it's strewn all over the place. The living room, already an ocean of rubbish, has gotten worse, with the accumulated clutter now towering over Chris to the point where he has to stretch to get footage of it. The bathroom hasn't been cleaned since the [[ShowerClean|last video Chris released of him cleaning it]] - and he even admits so himself in the video.

Even the stairs of his home have become cluttered with nonsense such as Christmas ornaments, boxes and bags, which could spell disaster if Chris or [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]] have to evacuate the premises. Also notable is the fact that every so often, Chris can be observed picking up random pieces of garbage from the floor as well.

In [[Chris and his Ego|typical Chris-Chan fashion]], he describes his room as "the cleanest of the whole house", despite it having unsightly masses of clothes everywhere and even an unmade bed that he couldn't be bothered to at least straighten up before making this ill-advised video.

When he steps outside, he basically confirms what trolls have documented as early as 2012: that his lawn is ''completely'' overgrown to the point where it has utterly consumed one of the structures in his yard. Also unsurprising is the fact that after Bob's death, the garden shed has been completely abandoned.

Given his commentary, it ''almost'' seemed like Chris acknowledges that he has kept his home in a very unacceptable condition....right until he blames [[Bob Chandler|his]] [[Barbara Chandler|parents]] for being "hoarders" and [[Chris_and_remorse#Shifting_blame|totally shifting blame away from himself]], ''despite'' being the "man" of the house.

By this time, the bug infestation appears to have been gotten rid of, or at least contained. It was stated before that the infestation was so bad that Chris was confined to his room in order to avoid getting bitten, but in this video, no bugs are seen and Chris makes no mention of them.

==Destruction of the Chandler Household==

[[Image:14 Branchland Court on Fire - Copy.jpg|thumb|right|Witness image of 14 Branchland Court on fire. On Facebook, Chris blamed Keurig for causing the fire, but later let slip in an email that it was plugged into a "heavy-duty" extension cord in the basement bathroom.]]

On 10 January 2014, a [[Destruction_Of_Chris's_House|fire broke out]] at the Chandler household. According to Chris, this was caused by a worn extension cord plugged into a coffee machine, which sparked and started the blaze. Chris, his mother, the beagles and Lucy (one of the cats) made it out safely, surprising when you consider how much clutter was obstructing the stairways. The firefighters could not effectively navigate the house through either door, and were forced to enter through the windows. One of the cats died in the fire and was buried in the backyard.

The Chandlers escaped with little more than the clothes on their backs. Chris wrote that he was able to take his wallet, medication for his mother, some clothes, and his iPhone. The day after the fire, he and his mother were allowed to reenter the structure, and he learned to his relief that many of his personal possessions, including his games, his computers, and his artwork, had survived. His [[Lego]] [[high school]] was partially melted. Chris was also observed on [[Miiverse]] shortly after the fire, suggesting that he managed to save his [[Nintendo]] 3DS or Wii U at some point. However, it can be assumed that much of the hoard suffered fire, smoke, and/or water damage.

As completely tragic as this incident was, it did not come as much of a surprise, given Barbara's hoarding and Chris's unwillingness or inability to control his mother's compulsions or properly clean. As pointed out by quite a few concerned people, the house had ''always'' been a health and safety hazard, and it was only a matter of time before disaster struck. Sadly, Chris was unable or unwilling to act on this well-meaning advice, and, as a result, reaped what he and his family had sown.

Chris and his mother stayed at a [[Rental House|rental house]] for most of 2014 as repairs to 14 Branchland Court were made. They also rented a storage locker. For reasons which are not entirely clear, the renovation of the house took much longer than anticipated. Nevertheless, the worst fears, that the house would be condemned or the renovations would not be finished, were unrealized. In December 2014 and January 2015, the Chandlers moved back in.

==Return of the Chandler Household==
[[File:14bc215.jpg|thumb|left|A renovated 14BC.]]

On the 6th of December, 2014, Chris announced on [[Facebook]] that his home had finally been repaired, and he would be moving back in near the start of the [[2015|new year]]. While some are hopeful that Chris would learn from this experience, take better care of his home and not cause it to be the clusterfucked fire hazard it was last time, it ''really'' doesn't seem hopeful, [[Autism|given]] [[Barb|certain]] [[Chris_and_health#Living_conditions|factors]].

Ever a busy man, Chris managed to fit a [[26 December 2014|run-in with the law on Boxing Day, followed by two days in jail]] into his moving schedule. Once he was released on bond on 29 December, Chris was shortly back to complaining about having a "Charlie Horse [sic]" from moving his mother's hoard back to the house. Because, you know, that was his main concern, rather than his impending trial in February. Naturally, it doesn't seem to have crossed his mind that, being a repeat offender, he might not get to enjoy his renovated house for long.

After Chris' second hearing in April started and finished half an hour early, and they failed to make it in, the Christorians who took it upon themselves to attend decided to make the most of their visit and go on a tour of and take photos of the major places in Chris' life, including 14 Branchland Court. Their photographs showed that the Chandler headquarters have been modernised, and no longer looks like ''total'' shit. This is partially due to the modernised exterior, and partially due to most of the hoard still being in storage. Photographs also showed some sort of outhouse in the backyard raised off the ground, and currently full of the hoard.

==Mail==
{{quote|Hand-Written and Hand-Drawn Submissions are also accepted, ONLY addressed to: Christian Weston Chandler 14 Branchland Ct. Ruckersville, VA 22968. ALL letters addressed to any NAME other than "Christian Weston Chandler" or "Christopher Weston Chandler", will be Immediately disposed of with Paper Recyling, or be "Returned to Sender" with a frown face on it. ALL Visually Grotesque, Shocking and Offensive art works and letters will be disposed of properly as well.|Chris on contacting him, [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=CWCipedia:Copyrights CWCipedia]|2=[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=CWCipedia:Copyrights CWCipedia copyright page]}}

If you would like to send a letter to Christian, or perhaps mail his mother some of the many [[nudes|NOODZ]] he has posted on the Internets in recent times, you can contact him at:

:''Christian Weston Chandler,''
:''14 Branchland Court,''
:''[[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]],'' [[Virginia|VA]] 22968-9545,''
:''[[United States of America]]''

'''NOTE:'''
:Based on previous experience with mail, it is likely that one of two things will happen to the letter should you choose to send it;
*It will be intercepted by Chris, who apparently takes his mother's mail on a regular basis.
*Barb will receive it and dismiss it as old news. Reports show that she has read some of the letters, seen everything in them before, and ignored them accordingly.

==Visiting==
[[File:House-fail-bursting-at-the-seams.jpg|thumb|The possible current state of 14 Branchland Court.]]

When occupied by the Chandlers, visits to 14 Branchland Court, at least until Chris inherits the house and trades the deed to it for magic beans, are ill-advised. Harassing the Chandlers at their house is not only the paragon of [[ween]] behavior, ''it is also a criminal offense'' and will probably result in you getting arrested. Chris and especially Barb shouldn't have to contend with the troll horde within the sanctum of their own home. We shouldn't have to say it, but '''do not visit 14 Branchland Court to troll Chris or Barb.'''

Unless, of course, you ''are'' personally invited. To date, Chris has extended personalized invitations to [[Clyde Cash]], [[Liquid Chris]], the staff of [[Asperchu#Asperpedia|Asperpedia]], and pretty much anybody that has ever thought ill of Chris to come to his house, so that he might [[Death threats|murder them]]. To date, none of them has taken him up on his offer. The scenario of such a meeting would likely be reminiscent of the [[hooker incident]], wherein the police would be promptly summoned whilst Chris hides, crying, behind his mother.

==Chris and his address==
Giving away one's home address on the Internet is generally considered unwise. Possibly Chris didn't realize this, or perhaps he realizes that [[trolls]] have so thoroughly and permanently violated his privacy that attempting to preserve it is a lost cause. In any case, he has publicly announced his home address on a number of occasions, in YouTube videos and elsewhere.

* Shortly after 21 July 2009, when [[CChanSonichuCWC]] released a video promoting his ''Sonichu'' merchandise, Chris posted his address in a YouTube comment in hopes of a physical confrontation with the "impostor".
* On 14 August 2009, in the video [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|"NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!"]], Chris rattled off his address as a way of attempting to prove his identity.
* He did the same thing in his [[CWC Public Disclaimer]], also released on 14 August 2009.
* On 23 November 2009, in the [[CWC_Personal_Sonichu_Presentation|''Sonichu'' Presentation]], Chris provided his address (as well as his home and mobile phone numbers) in hopes of attracting investment in his comic book characters.
* On 15 January 2010, Chris released a [[15 January 2010|video]] where he summoned the creators of the Asperpedia to his home address for a confrontation.
* On 27 August 2010, Chris gave out his address and phone number in a [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|YouTube video]] seeking to organize a high school reunion. In the same video, he warned viewers to be careful with their personal information on the Internet, taking his anti-grasp of irony to incredible new levels.
* Chris has published his address on his websites at various times. It was available at the bottom of the main page on the [[CWCipedia]] for most of the time Chris used the site.

==Gallery==
On 7 [[September 2013]], some pictures of the house were leaked on the [[CWCki Forums]].
<center>
<gallery>
File:14BranchlandCourt1.jpg|
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</gallery>
</center>

On 3 [[March 2014]], pictures of the house post-fire were leaked on the forums. On the 3rd and 4th shots, note the damage to the left half of the roof, matching the location of the shot of the actual fire.
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<gallery>
File:14BCPostFire1.jpg|
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</center>

On 14 [[April 2014]], more pictures were leaked on the forums.

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Yet more pictures were leaked in [[April 2015]], showing the house as it appeared after the renovations.

<center><gallery>
File:14BCApril2015I.jpg
File:14BCApril2015G.jpg
File:14BCApril2015F.jpg
File:14BCApril2015D.jpg
File:14BCApril2015C.jpg
File:14BCApril2015B.jpg
File:14BCApril2015H.jpg|Barb's car, still for sale.
File:14BCApril2015E.jpg
File:14BCApril2015.jpg|The front yard, still a sty.
File:Bobs greenhouse.jpeg|Bob's old greenhouse.
File:Itj5aFp.jpg
</gallery></center>

==Video==
A video panorama view from the street, taken 5 February 2015.

{{Infobox/video
| name = 14 Branchland Court: The Motion Picture
| video = {{#ev:youtube|nHRsavBhxGA}}
| stardate = 5 [[February 2015]]
}}

==See also==
* [[Chris's room]]
* [[Chris's kitchen]]
* [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville]]
* [[Charlottesville, VA|Charlottesville]]
* [[Tour of Christian's House]]
* [[Tour of Chris's House II]]
* [[Destruction Of Chris's House]]
* [[Chris's homes]]
* [[Property tax assessment]] - Last appraisal of the house made by Greene County before the fire.

==References==
<references />
{{Places}}
[[Category:Chris's house]]
[[Category:Pages with fan videos]]

Patti Chandler

2015-04-02T19:08:28Z

Htrtu:

{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Quote|My- Patti will- the spirit of Patti will have his soul for dinner tonight! she will be haunting your nightmares, Mr. Leary.|Chris, [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|respecting his deceased pet.]]}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler Family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:0054-Patti2.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Patti Chandler
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| 17 March [[1988]] (as reported by Chris)
|-
| '''Date of Death'''
| 27 [[June 2006]] (aged {{Age|1988|3|17|2006|6|27}})
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Breed'''
| [[Wikipedia:Beagle|Beagle]]-[[Wikipedia:Spitz|spitz]] mix
|-
| '''Owners'''
| [[Bob]] (deceased) [[Barbara]] [[Chris]]
|-
|}
[[File:PattiAbomination.png|thumb|Patti today]]
'''Patti Chandler''' (17 March [[1988]] - 27 [[June 2006]]) was [[Chris]]'s childhood dog, a [[Wikipedia:Beagle|beagle]]-[[Wikipedia:Spitz|spitz]] mix who was put down in [[2006]].<ref name="father call">[[Father Call]]</ref> As can be seen in Patti's eulogy below, Chris reports that her birthdate was 17 March 1988. It should be noted though that in an email Chris sent to [[The Wallflower]] on 28 [[February 2010]], he wrote that he learned what Patti's birthdate was after a veterinarian determined it for him.<ref>[[Wallflower E-mails 2]]</ref> It is doubtful that a veterinarian can determine the precise date in which a dog was born, making the birth date Chris reports as dubious. As Chris tells in Patti's eulogy, he picked her up as a puppy from a litter at the house of his [[Aunt Corina]]. On September 1992, Chris and Bob moved from Ruckersville to Chesterfield County.<ref>[[Chris's Wikipedia profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> This led to him being separated from Patti for 3 years, as Barbara did not accompany her husband and son, but rather stayed in the Chandlers old home along with the pets. Only in early 1996 did Barbara move to Chesterfield along with Patti and the rest of the family's pets.<ref>[[Mailbag 32#Chris is no stranger to stupid name changes]]</ref><ref>[[:Image:0078-CWCNote2.jpg]]</ref>

Chris brought Patti back to life in [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' 6]] as [[Patti-Chan]], where she somehow gained the ability to walk, talk, and apply for [[Monthly tugboat|welfare]] in [[CWCville]].

Much like the [[Wikipedia:Flying Dutchman|Flying Dutchman]], who was cursed to roam the seven seas forever, Patti is cursed to wander in CWCville as she is not allowed to rest in peace.

There is not a single known picture of Patti indoors, suggesting that she was just left in her pen in the backyard all the time. According to Chris, her wood-and-plastic doghouse weighed "like, 5-10 tons".<ref name="father call"/> While a normal person might say something like that figuratively to represent the emotional weight it would take to carry the home of a deceased loved one, Chris acts as though he [[11042009 51 50|honestly believes that's how much it weighs]].

When confronted about his [[Chris and remorse|insensitivity]], or when someone tries to point out that he has never experienced any substantial hardships<ref name="father call"/>, Chris is always quick to point out that he experienced the loss of Patti. He even mentions Patti's death over the death of his Aunt Corina (who gave Patti to him in the first place). Chris seems to only mention his aunt as an afterthought when the comparison between someone losing a [[Ryan Cash|close family member]] and Chris losing his dog is scoffed at.

It is entirely possible that Patti was the only life form to ever love Chris out of anything other than obligation. Patti was also probably the only acquaintance with which Chris has ever had very much in common. Not because they shared [[Chris_and_sex#Bestiality|a mystical bond between man and beast]], brought about through the wondrous unexplained mysteries of [[autism]], but because they were both animals driven by brute instinct with no level of higher comprehension whatsoever.

According to [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|a video from January 2010]], Patti now feasts on [[Beel|human souls]]. While this may seem to be at odds with the canon of the Sonichu comics, it makes perfect sense if you consider the distinct possibility that CWCville ''is'' hell.

==Eulogy for Patti, as written by Chris==
<blockquote>
 Patti Chandler
 March 17, [[1980s#1988|1988]] to June 27, [[2006]]

 Eulogy written by Christian Weston Chandler, June 27, 2006
[[Image:091-PattiMemory.jpg|thumb|Patti, you sweet, unlucky dog.]]
 My family, [[Chris_and_sex#Bestiality|furry]] friends, (anyone else present), we are gathered here today to pay our last respects and wishes to our dearly beloved beagle/spitz, Patti, who has departed from our world here on earth to a [[CWCville|doggy heaven where she will be happier]], because she will run free and play with all the other dogs who are already having fun up there. And she will often look down upon her beloved family, me, Christian Chandler, my mother, [[Barbara Chandler]], and my father [[Bob Chandler|Robert Chandler]], and the [[Chandler Cats|cats]] who have grown fond of Patti.

 I will always remember Patti for all the lovely memories she has shared with me from:
 -When I picked her out of the litter at my [[Aunt Corrina|Aunt Corina's]] house in Redoak, Virginia.
 -The many walks I have shared with her around this neighborhood, as well as the neighborhood in the [[Chris's_homes#Newberry_Towne_Subdivision|Newberry Towne subdivision in Richmond, Virginia]].
 -The time I watched my old best friend, [[Sarah Nicole Hammer|Sarah Hammer]], take Patti by her front paws and danced a bit.
 -The times I've watched her stand on her hind legs and then rewarded her with a biscuit bone.
 -The time I took my camera to her pen and took this lovely picture of her and me, and I made a big deal how she'll be like a movie dog star.
 -The times I've just sat with her in the yard and petted her head. I've always given her a [[Homos|"Bally-Scratch"]] where I stroke her head with all five fingers like as if I was gently squeezing a [[Sonichu_Balls|rubber ball.]]
 -The many times I've fed her a can of food and a cup full of dry food, and refilled her bucket with fresh water so she can drink it and wash her face.
 -There was also the one time I saw her resting on top of her doghouse (not on her back like Snoopy).
 -[[Wikipedia:Border collie|I've often wondered why between both her ears, why one was bent and the other was straight like an arrowhead]].

 When Patti was brought to the vet on that [[Chris and English|faithful]] day, I was distraught with fright and concern for her health. I stayed with her during her final moments with a hand on her head and a tear in my eye. When my mother was brought the paper that gave the doctor permission to send her on her way, I didn't want her to be the one to sign it. I raised Patti since she was a six-week old pup, and I wanted to take the strain for signing the one-way ticket (it was hard for me, but it was for the best). So I signed that paper, with a crying [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] face saying, "We love you, Patti." After that, I gave her my final pets, hug, hand-to-paw hold, eye-contact, ear-rub, cheek-to-fur rub, and I sadly waved her for the final time, and I said, "Good Bye, Patti, I Love You." As I stood outside, I heard Patti's last barks saying, "I will always love you, Chris. Thank You."

 But we all must move on with our lives with our beloved lucky mutt in our hearts and in our memories. So, Patti, may your old dog house and surrounding flowers forever memorialize your blessed heart, your barks at the stars and strangers, and your loyal love that you have blessed upon me and my family and friends. Bark on, and rest in peace, our beloved lucky Patti.<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2006#September]]</ref></blockquote>

Take note that Chris actually shoehorned [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] in his dog's eulogy.

==Current activity==
Not content with an eternity of biscuit bones and "bally-scratches" in doggy heaven, Patti has apparently taken time out of being dead to [[Dreams#The Patti-chan dream|assure her former master]] of her peaceful afterlife in a dream. Also, Chris has averred that her vengeful spirit will seek out [[Alec Benson Leary]] and his cohorts for allegedly besmirching her memory and proceed to, in no particular order, give them nightmares, eat their souls and kill them. Yet, as always, Chris still thinks of himself as a [[Chris and anger|kindhearted]], [[Chris and religion|Christian]] individual.

Patti's physical remains rest underneath her 10-ton doghouse in the Chandlers' backyard. The notion of exhuming and desecrating her bones has become a popular running joke among trolls, to the point that Chris, in [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|a September 2010 YouTube video]], took the time to fiercely deny any rumors that the corpse of his dog was anywhere except where he had buried it.

Ironically, in a video created about a year after that one, Chris pretended (while dressed as a hooker) to [[It's not that cold|dig up Patti]] and repurpose her as a coat. It seems that not only is Patti an unholy weapon of soul-sucking revenge, but a snuggly, warm coat, too.

The fates of Patti's doghouse and her grave after the [[Destruction of Chris's House]] are not known.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:0050-Patti5.jpg|Patti relaxing.
Image:0051-Patti6.jpg
Image:0052-Patti.JPG|Patti full of [[stress]]
Image:0053-Patti1.jpg|Although Patti lived in a cage outside, it was at least 1000 times better than the disaster zone called the Chandler house.
Image:0054-Patti2.jpg|Patti will devour your soul!
Image:0055-Patti3.jpg
Image:0056-CWCPatti2.jpg|Even Patti is ashamed by Chris's [[chris and fashion|get-up]]
Image:0719-PattisDoghouse.JPG|Can you dig it?
Image:0720-PattisDoghuseISO.JPG|"That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons."
Image:ModNation PattiChan.jpg|Her [[Patti-chan|horrendous furfag alter ego]] as seen in [[ModNation Racers]].
Image:Itj5aFp.jpg
</gallery>
</center>

==Sources==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Chris and death]]
*[[Patti-Chan]]
*[[Clover and Snoopy]]
*[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Eulogy_for_Patti Patti's entry on CWCipedia]

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Patti}}
[[Category:Dead]]
[[Category:Pets]]

File:Itj5aFp.jpg

2015-04-02T19:07:49Z

Htrtu:

File talk:0719-PattisDoghouse.JPG

2015-04-02T17:49:07Z

Htrtu: Created page with "I'm pretty sure that there should only be one of "In loving memory of" or "rests here," not both."

I'm pretty sure that there should only be one of "In loving memory of" or "rests here," not both.

Template:Quote of the now

2015-04-02T17:41:30Z

Htrtu:

{{quote|Anyway he finally fucking got up and went in and we went throught the metal detectors. By the time we got through I had just opened the court room door, he was coming back out and we almost bumped into each other. He said apologetically "well, got that out of the way quick" and dashed out the door to the courtroom. This was like 30 minutes before his hearing so we didnt know what to make of that. He had noticed us so we didn't know if he was trying to dodge us or what. So we just say down and boring court stuff happened for like 10 or so minutes. We ended up leaving cuz it was clear he wasnt coming back. We saw he was still in his car. We walked around the building once and he was gone. We went back in to see if anything would be said about him, but they said nothing. Must have been a continuance. Chris is definitely not gonna have an outburst though guys. He's super nervous, maybe thats just cuz barb wasnt there I don't know. |[[CWCki Forums|Kiwi Farms]] poster [[trolls|lipitor]] [https://kiwifar.ms/threads/operation-chriseater-2-the-fanta-pain.8709/page-6#post-633790 summarizing] Chris's April 2nd [[26 December 2014|court appearance]]}}
<noinclude>

{{Usage|1= This template sits pride of place on the CWCki [[Main Page]]. It consists simply of a recent or topical quote from [[Chris]], or in rare cases non-Chris people. When editing the quote, ensure it is as accurate as possible, the exact source is referenced, and use links appropriately. '''Be sure to cite where this quote comes from, include a link if applicable.''' Also, this is a wiki - '''PLEASE WIKIFY''' (i.e. add links to other articles) when possible. Finally, don't add commentary to citation part - let Chris's words do the talking.}}[[Category:Front page templates]]</noinclude>