CWCki - User contributions [en]

User talk:IanJames

2010-04-27T20:43:30Z

IanJames:

I've heard [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] kills people who pipe [[fail]] in their sleep. He spent a whole month depiping useless pipes. If you're looking for something to help out on though, there are stubs and things that need expanding. Plus there's new page on CWCville Twitter that needs sorting out. Don't sweat on it, but he might get a bit pissed.--[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 20:29, 27 April 2010 (UTC)

Gotcha. I just always found it hilarious. --[[User:IanJames|IanJames]] 20:31, 27 April 2010 (UTC)

No problem with it, but he did spend ages cleaning it up. I think the effort might have killed him, I haven't seen him around here in a while. All the same, we do like our editors round here, so sorry if that came off kinda pissy. I'm having a bit of a bad day I think. --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 20:36, 27 April 2010 (UTC)

No worries. I was sort of playing with them as little edits before trying out the to do page. I edit on TV Tropes a lot, which is probably the most pipe-happy site on the planet. I'll read up on how to be more helpful around here. --[[User:IanJames|IanJames]] 20:43, 27 April 2010 (UTC)

User talk:IanJames

2010-04-27T20:31:51Z

IanJames:

Chris Chan's Public Announcement

2010-04-27T20:23:20Z

IanJames:

In the first [[YouTube]] video posted by [[Christian]] since the launch of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page, Christian assumes the ED contributors have simply misunderstood him and his work, and, consequently, attempts to re-introduce himself in order to start over on the right foot.

==Watch==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan's Public Announcement
| image = {{#ev:youtube|xkVhGLz8MKM}}
| Stardate = 07 [[November 2007]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Rumors}} Rumours
| Performance Style = {{Reason}} Reason
| Saga = [[Image:Ed_saga.png]] [[ED]] Saga
| Shirt = {{YellowRedStripeShirt}} Yellow & Red Striped Rugby
| previous = [[CWC_is_Angry#Watch|CWC is Angry]]
| next = [[CWC's_Second_Message#Video|CWC's Second Message]]
}}</center>

{{quote|Please remember: I'm a innocent person.}}

===Transcript===

Hello. My name is Christian Weston Chandler… from [[Ruckersville, Virginia]]. [''puts on glasses'']

It has come to my attention that I have a lot... more fans of my electronic—[[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]] [[Sonichu]] than I had originally thought, and I thank each and every one of you for your support. And I will draw more [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], uh, when I get some positive inspiration, or, uh, when I feel like it. After all, everybody else—everybody has a life; so do I; [[lie|I have a life]]. [''inhales sharply'']

Anyway, it has also come to my attention that I have a lot of people who may have picked up on the wrong theories of my person. [''inhales sharply''] I will not quote any hate sites, but I would like to humbly apologize for appearing to be some kind of sleaze, [[troll]], badass, or whatever adjectives, good or explicit, you may feel about me. [''inhales sharply'']

Please understand: I am a 25 year-old, [[high-functioning autism|high-functioning autistic]] male… with a simple, ''peaceful'' dream… of becoming a father… of a sweet, little, pretty girl, who I will dub…ly name [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|“''Crystal'' Weston Chandler”]]. “Crystal”: a name that sounds similar to mine, but it has a nice ring to it. And it’s also similar to the illustrious [[fail|metal]] that is mined from the Earth’s ground. “Weston”: my [[Barbara Chandler|mother’s]] maiden name, and a proper English name from royal descent. As a matter of fact, among my, uh, mother’s side in the, uh, ancestrial traits [''inhales sharply''] we have, uh, we have been traced down to [[Daniel Weston]], who was on the main Mayflower voyage. And, uh, beyond him, [[Anne Boleyn]], who was the, uh, one of H—Henry VIII's… ''King'' Henry VIII's wives, who gave birth to, uh, Queen Elizabeth I, and “Chandler”: the, uh, name—the family name my father had. And, uh, from his, uh, line, uh, we have, uh, from his side of the family, we have the, uh, [[Cherokian Clan|Cherokee blood]]. I'm one-sixteenth. [''inhales sharply''] And from among us Cherokees, there are very few of us left, because we were big in number, but then came along the, uh, forced march on the Trail of Tears, where some of us went into hiding…. Yeah, short line there: ''Cherokees''. We're a respected tribe. We ''should'' be respected. Anyway… even though we were forced onto the Trail of Tears, but that's another—that's another—whole 'nother story. You can go read—you can learn about in your local libraries.

Ahem. My mother and [[Bob Chandler|my father]] are both really nice, old-fashioned-type people who not only gave the birth—[[Chris and sex|gave me birth]] at their ages… which my mother is 66, currently, and my father is currently 80. They both just turned that way in the last couple of months. And, uh, I was born in [[1980s#1982|1982]]. They gave me the birth… then, and, uh, anyway, it was so nice of—for them to give me the, uh, birth during the early [[1980s]].

I was diagnosed with high-functional autism, and I lived a, uh, somewhat rough life. I've had an [[abusive babysitter]] at one time, [''inhales sharply''] and some of the teachers and principals of [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]]… that I was attending in later years (about, uh, late 1980s, early [[1990s]]) [''inhales sharply''] They abused me—[[Kick the Autistic|they abused me by pinning me to the ground]] with, uh, their ha—with, uh, holding my wrists and my ankles, pinning me down to the ground and—and audio-taping my cries and shouts. But, anyway, my mother and my father, they both fought the court system, the Greene County court system, which, uh, they were not a very nice bunch of people, very not. Hands down. But, anyway, we eventually moved to Chesterfield County for a nice, better school system. And one teacher in particular, of [[Providence Middle School]], who I would like to give much kudos to, who w—who was—who, uh, let—who not—who not only, uh, let me—who was a good—good, uh, person to go by dur—uh, during my mainstreaming, and she was also the, uh, also a good leader in my learning to cope. I wish to give kudos to [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|Mrs. Virginia Jeanine Sanford]], of Providence Middle School, in Chesterfield County, whose picture is, uh, in the trailer of my [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|"CWC on TV" DVD]], which is also on the—[[YouTube|the YouTube]].

And, after being on [[honor roll]] throughout, uh, Providence Middle and Manchester High, Sonichu was first thought up in my senior year at Ma— [''abrupt jump cut''] …along with a nice bunch of teachers backing me up, and my circle of [[gal pal|gal pals]] (I mostly had gal—mostly had that circle during my high school years), anyway, after all that, I graduated. I graduated. Then, we moved back to, uh, our old home in Ruckersville, where I attended [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]], and, eventually, I graduated from there, too, with a degree in Computer-Aided Drafting and Design, also known as "CAD/CAM".

And, uh, during my high school years, I was used to being surrounded by… girls… in my circle, and after having to, uh, leave them I felt ''ever so lonesome''. And, after the [[stress]] from some of the people—people at [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]], as well as my mental block [''mimes punching himself in the head''] of autism, it became hard from me to approach gir—approach the girls like I used to. And I would like to point out right now, at this—at, uh—during my—ever since I—ever—during the whole—my whole [[Sweetheart Search]] has started, when I turned 21 on February 24, 2002. Anyway, beyond that date, I ''never have stalked anybody''. ''Never have stalked''. I'm telling you right—I'm telling you right now. All I did was sit around, with a [[sign]] by my side that said I was looking for a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]], 18-25, yadda yadda yadda, all tha— [abrupt jump cut] …page. And I did all that, because I had feared rejection, and the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]], because you cannot tell which ladies are paired up, and which are not. And wedding rings, that's just a whole different story, 'cause they're married, because y—it's not like you give every women a ring who's already paired up. [''long pause''] Well, that's just one perspective. [''inhales sharply''] But, anyway, uh, I did not move from my seat… at all, unless [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|I needed to go use the restroom]]. That's it. Okay? I never moved from my seat while I'm sitting around waiting for the girl to come to me. ‘Cause that's all I'm doing there; I'm just waiting for a girl to come talk to me, 'cause... [''inhales sharply''] like I said, I'm afraid to approach them… at that point.

So please understand: I am not a violent person. I'm decent. I come from a caring, loving pair of parents. I'm kind. I'm considerate. I will respect your [[Megan|space]] [''removes glasses'']—and your feelings—ever so much. [''puts glasses back on and inhales sharply''] And… I apologize for my [[MySpace]] profile, if it appears to reflect anything on the contrary of all that. I apologize that I appear to be a [''puts on a “slow” voice and sways with each word''] slowww-miiinded perrrsonnn! [abrupt jump cut] I'm sorry for reflecting any negative feelings towards each of you that have felt them, including those who have had such feelings they have created, uh, demeaning web pages. ''All I ask''—''all I ask'' are those people who are watching this right now, is just… take them down? Please? I'm asking as an innocent victim of misunderstanding, just take down your web pages, or edit them to ''positively'' better reflect my feelings as an individual, as a person… as a man who has suffered, like most everybody in this world that we all live in. [''sighs'']

Thank you very much for li—for your time, and listening, and please remember: I'm a innocent person. Just like most every one of you, I've had my faults, I've had my share of… bad times, and my share of good times. Please understand that.

Thank you again. Take care.

{{Captain's Log}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC is Angry]]|nextlink=[[CWC's Second Message]]|}}
[[Category: Captain's log entries| 2007-11-07]]

Song of Christian

2010-04-27T19:54:42Z

IanJames:

[[Image:Song_of_christian_1_1-51.jpg|thumb|"I hear America singing as I sing of myself..."]]

'''''Song of Christian''''' was a poem that [[Chris]], at age sixteen, had to write for a class. He failed miserably. From a critical perspective, his poem is clichéd, has no form whatsoever, and exists solely to praise himself. Chris bases his poem partly on Walt Whitman's [[Wikipedia:Song of Myself|"Song of Myself"]]. Given that poem's [[Ego|masturbatory tone]] and [[Homos|homoerotic]] interludes (Whitman was openly gay), it's little wonder Chris found it so appealing.

He later made a video that showed him raging about the well-deserved F, which showed up on his [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|documentary DVD]]. This time, he failed to do two things: use proper lighting—video cameras didn't come with night-vision features in those days—and come up with something interesting to say before the camera was rolling. This is easily one of the most sleep-inducing videos he ever made. But don't rest too comfortably—there are some parts in it that ''will'' wake you up.

Compared with his voice today, at age sixteen, he embodied the dulcet tones of [[Wikipedia:James Earl Jones|James Earl Jones]] and shared the octave range of [[Wikipedia:Captain Beefheart|Captain Beefheart]]. What happened in between then and his [[Harvey Birdman Commercial]] is up for debate.

==The actual poem==

<blockquote><poem>“I hear America singing, as I sing of myself,
And you experience, as I experience.
The problems of yourself are my problems.
The youth and the young singing cries of happiness,
As you have sung the song of laughter.
At age six weeks, I sang this song of laughter
Then, at one and a half years of age, the Lord put the mute button on me.
Those are my parents' song. They pulled me through to talk again, at age seven.
I am now sixteen years old and good at talking enough to help me achieve...
New goals and Mario raceway records, and to finish my [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine]].
The magazine's songs, the ballad of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] on Game Boy.
The rudeness of the teenager's song,
The despicable mention of rude words and... [[Tobacky|D-R-U-G-S]].
I am not afraid to speak, despite the hazardous flukes in America's song.
My song that I sing, although I talk well,
My peer relationship is low, and my [[So Lonesome|loneliness]] is off the scale.”</poem></blockquote>

==Part 1==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = Song of Christian Part 1
| image = {{#ev:youtube|eC4XNixKBq4}}
| Stardate = 15 [[May 1998]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = Poetry
| Performance Style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Tragedy|text}}
| Shirt = Unclear
| Other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Sonic_the_Hedgehog_Watch_%26_Win_Sweepstakes#Video|Sonic the Hedgehog Watch &<br />Win Sweepstakes]]
| next = [[Song_of_Christian#Part_2|Song of Christian Part 2]]
}}</center>
<center>Just showing off his [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine]].</center>

===Transcript===

[''simulates blowing a trumpet, or the sound of a diseased rooster, to mark his arrival'']<br/>

Welcome ladies, and gentlemen, to the Christian Chandler Show!<br/>
Bringin' ya lots of laughs, and all that neat ol' stuff. Now, here he is, the host with the most: Christian Chandler!

<div>[''simulates the cheers of a crowd, [[Fail|stopping to take a breath halfway through]], and reveals himself to the camera'']</div>

<div>Good evening friends, and welcome to the Christian Chandler Show. '''I''' am your host Christian Chandler.
Now, tonight, we are gonna talk about poetry. And uh, line—an', uh, behind the scenes of part of the lines—which got me inspired. An' I'm gonna express my feelings a little bit, so... please don't laugh. I feel—I'll feel embarrassed. Okay, anyway, my poem is called—entitled—"The Song of Christian". And I just did it last night, on May 14th, [[1998]].</div>

[''irritated undecipherable mutter''] Anyway, uh, I'm gonna do my poem, now, so, here goes:

<blockquote><poem>“I hear America singing, as I sing of myself,
And you experience, as I experience.
The problems of yourself are my problems.
The youth and the young singing cries of happiness,
As you have sung the song of laughter.
At age six weeks, I sang this song of laughter
Then, at one and a half years of age, the Lord put the mute button on me.
Those are my parents song. They pulled me through to talk again, at age seven.
I am now sixteen years old and good at talking enough to help me achieve...
New goals and Mario raceway records, and to finish my [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine]].
The magazine's songs, the ballad of Sonic the Hedgehog on Game Boy.
The rudeness of the teenager's song,
The despicable mention of rude words and... D-R-U-G-S.
I am not afraid to speak, despite the hazardous flukes in America's song.
My song that I sing, although I talk well,
My peer relationship is low, and my loneliness is off the scale.”</poem></blockquote>

An' anyway that's my poem.<br/>
Now, we gotta go behind the lines, and see how it all got inspired.

<div>Now the, uh, first line line "I hear America singing", and, uh, "sing of myself". I got those from the combination of the first line of, both, [[Wikipedia:Song of Myself|"Song of Myself"]] and—s I—s—I—[http://www.bartleby.com/142/91.html "I hear America singing"]. And the "experiencing" and (''"problems"?'') ... I made those up myself. And of course, ya know, the, ahh, youth. I'm talking about the young children, here. They start singing their cries of happiness when they are born. With their little 'giggles' and 'tee-hee-hees'. [''[[sigh]]''] That's just the sound of laughter. At age six weeks, I started... the sound of laughter which is my—when I start talking. Now, my first word was 'monkey', and here's how it happened. My mother and I went down to the Best Buy store in [[Charlottesville]] many, many years ago. ''Of course you know at age six weeks I was born in [[1982]]''. [''sigh''] Anyway, uh, my mother was carrying me in her arms, and she was shopping, when then all of a sudden I said "monkey"[''baby talk voice''].An' there was a wo—uh, there was an old woman near by, and, uh, she suh—h—heard me and then came over and asked my mom, "''Was that your son?''", and my mom said, "''Yup, that was my son''". Ahh... she didn't say anything she was just shocked.</div><br/>

<div>An', anyway I, uh, went on—and—on with my mouth. That is until the age one-and-a-half... years.... [''sigh''] The sad thing that happened... the Lord put the mute button on me. CLICK FLICK [''Light switch motion'']. That's when my ad—me—I'm representing my autism, there. The Lord clickin' the mute button. [sigh] An' anyway here's where my autism began. I'm gonna to be real truthful here. Uh, I had a babysitter, but, uh, she was kinda've mean [[Abusive babysitter|babysitter]]. Anyway, ah, one day she was on her phone and, uh, I came up t—I came up to her, I came up with her, and said something and, uh, she was kinda angry at me, 'cause I interrupted her phone call, AND she locked me [[Chris's room|in a room fulla noth—n—fulla nothing but toys]], and, uh, she just locked me in there, and, uh, I was very lonely, so I just sat there and cried, and... uh that's how my [[autism]] began. Thanks to an evil babysitter.</div><br/>

<div>And then thanks to my parents—actually my ma did most of the work, but, uh, it was thanks to my parents. They got me talkin' again at age seven. An', anyway, here's how they—it happened. My mother, my mother, always took me down to the toy store, ahh, at least every weekend on...[''sigh''] to, uh, wa—l—look at the, to read the packages. Like, to say, for example, "Go-Bots." You remember those old goh—fashion Go-Bot toys? Well, anyway, with (Mario?) hands me the package is, and thepackageis [''All in one breath''] for me, and I read along with her. And, uh, well, we just read the, uhh, top name of the fi—name of the toy, and the name of the, uh, to—and the, uhhh, name of the... character that it represents. And, then, on an the—go to the flip side and see all the other characters, name all the other toys in the collection. And, ''of course'', we did the same for fu—the old-fashioned Transformers. Yes. [''Head confidently turns to look at items off-camera'']</div>

And, also, wit' mother an' I—and, also, sometimes, mother and I'd buy some Lego sets and build them together, like, for example... [''mumbles about getting his "stupid thing"''] Oh, yeah.... Lllike, for example, this old, uh, bicycle (''pig?'') shop, here. Ah, you can tell this is an old-fashioned [[Lego]] set on account of this—the old-fashioned "LegoLand" on the corner. Anyway, ah, we always built something like this, but, uhh, since that... and, one time, we even built a nice racetrack. I don't still have my Lego tin, but, uh... I NAMED MY CAMERA NIBBLE(?).... [''sigh''] I don't think... that it's good to have. Uh, oh, well, anyway.

''Excuse me''.
[[Image:003-NPSon.jpg|thumb|right|The Homemade Nintendo Power magazine]]

Anyway, Mother and I always had fun together. But, then, at age five—age seven, my mouth blabbed, ah—I started blabbin' my mouth, again. Daarn that collar! [''Voice cracks''] And then, uh, the, ah, "Helping to achieve new records on Mario Raceway". You know I like the play video games. I mean, I have Nintendo 64 video games, the Super Nintendo games, Genesis, old-fashioned Nintendo, Game Boy, Game Gear, Sega CD, 32X, and I also got lotsa Tiger-brand LCD games. An', anyway, I was a video game p—person, and my favorite type of game were racing. So, um, one of my favorite Nintendo 64 games were—was Mario Kart 64. I'r, uh, I was already tryin' to beat my ghost on the, uh, Mario Raceway Time ''Trails'' mode. My best time—my best record is, as Mario, ah minute, twenty-one, and eighty-nine seconds. Me—uh... ''excuse me''... I mean a 1'21"89. Yeah, that's it. An', anyway, I always like to beat my records.

But then the, uh, Nin-ten-do Ma-ga-zine that's da'uh maga-zine you heard that was lost. There it is: my ''home-made'' [[Nintendo Power magazine]]. Actually, that's just the cover. I'm, ah, working on it... on the ''insides'', like a regular Nintendo Power magazine. When I'm done it should have a hundred-and-eight pages, including the front cover, and the back cover. Ah, right now I'm only on, uh, page 35. [''sigh''] I'll show you, ah, the pages that are inside it. We have your, uh, your, ah, type of contest that they're mentioning of the main article... that goes with the table of contents ''there''. [''sigh''] Then, we have the winners section. Now you seen the, uh, the two envelopes on this page? I actually created them on u—other envelo—on two envelopes myself an' kinda copied that from the envelopes onto ''here''. And, on this page, the three of those, I just kinda made up myself. That's, uh, ''Cruis'n USA'', ''Zelda'', and ''Yoshi's Story''. [''Christian exhales and ruffles through the pages'']. And we have the, uh, ''Power Charts''. Which is the Top Ten Nintendo 64, and Super Nintendo, and the Top Five Game Boy games. Of course, the Most Wanted, and some more letters, and I just a made up a letter about somebody winning the Zelda contest. Ya know, test the Zelda 64 game that is gonna come out later. WAAAY later, I—in fact, we don't even know—we're not exactly sure WHEN it's gonna come out. ''Darnedest thing is slippin' on me'' [Christian reassembles the magazine].

<div>An anyway, I had this dream a long time ago about [[Sonic]] on Game Boy, so that's what I based my magazine on.
'Course you can ''tell'' on the cover he's switched from Sega to Nintendo. SO, I started off by making my own Nintendo 64 game: Sonic 64. Isn't that a cool picture, or what? [''shoves crude drawings into the camera''] Alrigh', anyway, you got your castle over ''there''. Sonic and Tails. '''Scuse me a sec''...</div>

==Part 2==
{{Tardrage}}<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Song of Christian Part 2
| image = {{#ev:youtube|G9qf5aYpjRg}}
| Stardate = 15 [[May 1998]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games|text}}, {{Rumors|text}}, Artwork
| Performance Style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}, {{Rage|text}}
| Shirt = Unclear
| Other = {{Leaked|[[DVD|Leaked]]}}
| previous = [[Song_of_Christian#Part_1|Song of Christian Part 1]]
| next = [[Mario_Kart_64_Lego_Raceway#Prototype|Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]
}}</center>
<center>[[Chris]] [[virgin with rage|rages]] between 7:38 and 10:05 if you want to skip all the shit no one cares about.</center>

===Transcript===
[''Chris mutters under his breath and fiddles with the papers.'']

Uh... this may even be a rumor, so you—my magazine is falling apart on me. I mean it's just ''paper clipped.'' So sue me. I'm still [[THAT_IS_MY_HOUSE|working on it]].

[''Continues looking through pages''.]

Now, let me just find that page again.... Well, they have the old castle, again, but now I got the special moves, the spin dash, pound the baw—pound the ground, spin, punch. There's that cool picture of Sonic co—in the co—in the corner. Isn't that cool, or what, huh? Three DI-mensional. That's what I call cool. Yeah....

[''Mumbling and looking through pages.'']

And, then, I have Sonic's friends that help. Of course, Tails (that flies), Knuckles (that punches and flies), and [[Bionic]], WELLLLL, you heard rumors about [[Bionic]]: he's that Sonic's brother I made up myself who's that very good basketball player and mechanic. Uh... I can tell you the background story on him. I could tell you about it.... I'll just make it quick so I can tell you, anyway. Bionic was Sonic's older brother. Please note "older". Anyway, one day, when they were very young, they were playing a ca—playing the game of catch, Sonic accidentally threw the ball into the bushes. Bionic offered to get it, because he was closer to it. He went in the bushes, but, then, there was a—but there was a warp... p—portal there, and he got sucked into it. Sonic tried to get him out, but Sonic fell into it, went to a dimension of ba—abou—basketball. But then, uh... years later, Bionic found a way to es—found a portal to go back to Sonic and end up in Sonic's... new home in Knothole. And, uh... Sonic and Bionic lived together from then on. Anyway, he's a great mechanic too.

Anyway, I got some pictures here that, uh... shows how Sonic's friends help him... climbing along Knuckles, Tails flying, Sonic... and Bionic... breaking a lot—destroying a lot—breaking a lot of Dr. Robotnik's evil machines.

And, yet, of course, you know, my, uhh, Sonic on Gameboy originally was Sonic and Knuckles, but I decided to do something different in this magazine. Sonic and Knuckles ''Two''... I mean, a sequel, yeah.... Anyway, you got your coverage there, and I put a little Dr. Robotnik in the corner saying, (''changes voice'') "I HATE SONIC! AND I HATE THAT ECHIDNA, TOO!".

[''Bends over to adjust paperclip that is holding his homemade Nintendo Power together, muttering.'']

Oh, dear, the paperclip is slipping. Darn that thing.

[''Comes back up.'']

Yeah... and, of course, you know I've got my basic "coverages" about a file... selector, and another water zone, Knuckles—playing as Knuckles, and a... special stage. Cool, huh?

[''Turns page.'']

And then I made up a Super Nintendo game. SUPER Sonic. Yeah it's a Super Nintendo game with all—with some of the Sonic games in one Super Nintendo cartridge. Hey, look, check this out, we got Sonic hanging ten on a Super Nintendo controller. YEAAAH! (''hums music'') Anyway, then I got some... coverage on the... Sonic, uh... with the... how you select the game you wanna play. And of course I got Sonic One picture there, and Sonic Three.

[''Flips through pages.'']

Oh, dear...

And then I have the uh... coverage on the games. I got Sonic 1, Sonic 2, Sonic 3, and Sonic and Knuckles in there... yeah, the original Sonic and Knuckles I'm talking about, not Sonic and Knuckles 2.

But, then, I made up another Nintendo 64 game. Uh... sort of interesting to teenagers. I call it BEAST WARS... [[Transformers]]. And except these aren't all about the missions; they're firece (''mispronunciation of fierce?''). It's always the, uh, maximum critical in spite of each other (?). And I made somes—fantasize—suh that... it will be RumblePak compatible. And becau—and the uh... bots that I put in it... goes as follows. I got [[Optimus Prime|Optimus Primal]], and uh... Cheetor, Rattrap, Silverbolt, Dinobot, Megatron... Tarantulas, Waspinator, Quickstrike, and Inferno.

And then I, uh... before Soni- before I made the cover of Sonic, I made up a, uh... other Nintendo Power cover, which I made of... uh... you heard of Megaman XTC Nintendo? Well, that's what I did. Megaman XTC FOUR. Check that out. Cool picture. IT'S BACK. And then there's some coverage, uh... about some of the stuff about him in the... Sigma's return... Zero being captured, and... it's his armor. It's actually revived armor.... The—from the original first—the first Megaman X game... except more powerful, because... (''mumbles'') oh, whatever....

Anyway, I got a bunch of bosses from the three Megaman X games and a couple of the classic Megaman games. I got Storm Eagle, Snake Man, Wheel Gator, Neon Tiger... (''mumbles "oh jeez" while flipping through pages'')... Gravity Beetle, Bubble Crab, Shadow Man... and, uh... why not Megaman X without the old... classic Megaman X boss.... (''fumbles with pages, mumbling'') Oh, dear... these things are slipping on me.... Anyway, Chill Penguin. Yeah, that penguin is back, alright. I got each of these bosses, have a 3D battle song (?), and of course, now, I got coverage of Sigma's return. I got Robot's dogra form (?), then I made up a new dissent (?) for old Dr. Wiley, Dr. Wiley Jr. here, he's fighting Megaman in a robot MONKEY. Monkey.... And then I got Sigma's return... and this is actually from that cover of Meg—that cover I made up. I mean, it's actually destroying Sigma, but this is from his view. It's actually from the opposite side... of the battlefield.

So right now I'm working on the classified information... begun with Sonic—parts of Sonic 1 and Sonic 2, and I just did Mario Kart 64. And for Nintendo Power... I'm tracing another copy. Yeah, you can tell it's another copy, because—lookit there. Sonic is a bit more, uh... chubbier there. You can tell the difference right there. All right, on, um... this tracing thing, I only got to page 60, it was the beginning of Super Sonic....

But, moving on... yeah... the rudeness of the teenagers song... of course, now—of course, you know I'm talking about those despicable rude words they got down in there.... I mean... ah, you know, w-w-when they say those... sound like... "Oh, *beeeep*." And, uh... "Oh, *booop*", and "son of a *boop*".... You understand what I'm talking about? I mean, that just really ticks me off. And I hope this video's getting through to those tee—to those students in that English class of mine. I HOPE THEY GET IT THROUGH THEIR HEADS AND EV—AND GET IT THROUGH TO EVERYONE IN THAT SCHOOL, THAT THAT RUDE LANGUAGE IS CRUEL. I mean, you see it, and—you thinks it's cool to the adults, BUT YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER DO IT. I MEAN, IT'S JUST RUDE! VERY RUDE! I MEAN, I'M JUST SICK OF IT! I mean... [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|HNNNNGH]].

And then there's that other thing... the, uh... D-R-U-G-S. (''mimes smoking'') That just... that *puff puff* [[tobacky|thing]], that just clogs up my nose. *grunt* And that other thing.... (''mimes drinking alcohol and passing out'') Anyway, just MAKES ME SICK to see people just [[Sonichu|waste]] [[Little Big Planet|their]] [[Love Quest|lives]] [[Guitar Hero|away]] on [[alcohol|that]]. I mean, [[Chris and hypocrisy|it's DESPICABLE (''hits table''). DE-SPIC-A-BLE!]] Understand what I'm talking about? And, of course, I'm not afraid to speak about the hazardous flukes like [[Chris and copyright|the "American Song" how it goes]]... and, of course, that last line there.... The song I sing you and all my—talk about my peer relationships as well.... I talk about the peer relationships in my neighborhood. I mean, I do not have that many peers in the neighborhood. All I have in my neighborhood is Damien, and I don't usually see him a lot, and a twelve year old boy named Michael, and he's uh... just a little kid.

Anyway, I'm just usually lonely at home. Don't have a second player to play with. I don't even have a little brother, and I'm s—still hoping for one. Anyway uh... I see by the clock that it's about time I sign off. But, uh... before I go, I have just one thing to say to, uh... the teacher: '''[[Chris and anger|AN F IN ENGLISH CLASS?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!]]''' I mean, an F! I DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I GOT AN F... I MEAN, WHO KNOWS? IT COULD'VE BEEN BACK IN OLD GREENE COUNTY, THAT STUPID PLACE... YEESH. That Greene County Primary... actually that was a nice school, but then th—came the [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Nathanael Greene Elementary]]. That's w—where I got the F. Anyway, then, many years rolled by... '''THEN YOU CAME ALONG AND GAVE ME AN F. I MEAN I STARTED OFF WITH AN A AND YOU JUST LOWERED IT, LOWERED IT, LOWERED IT! I'M GETTING SICK AND TIRED OF THIS LOWERING THING. WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST AUT—[[Slow-in-the-minds|AGAINST THE HANDICAPPED CHILDREN]], ANYWAY?! I MEAN, I KNOW MY HANDICAP IS [[Kick the Autistic|AUTISM]], AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO ADMIT IT! AND YOU MADE IT BURN, AND I THINK THAT F IS VERY DISRESPECTFUL! I MEAN, [[Chris and his Ego|I AM VERY EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT]].'''

(''stress sigh'')

Anyway, it's time I sign off. Well, this has been the Christian Chandler Show, and we hope you all enjoyed it. And, as we say in the land of TV Land... goodnight, folks!

(''covers camera with hand and "sings" theme song'')

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]]|nextlink=[[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway]]|}}
{{Writings}}
{{CWC on TV}}

[[Category:Poetry]]

Faeryn

2010-04-25T22:02:05Z

IanJames:

{{merge|Chris's Big Night Out}}
The '''Two's company snapshots''' are a series of photographs taken of Chris enjoying a drink with a morbidly obese young [[Boulder-dropping whale|whale]], playfully nicknamed '''Hambeast''' by the trolls. They were uploaded on [[4chan|4chan's]] /v/ on [[2009#July|15 July 2009]].

Contrary to rumors on [[4chan|lesser imageboards]], it can now be revealed that Chris did not receive any [[china|vag]], liberated or otherwise.

On the [[CWCipedia]] Chris claims that this was his [[lies|first date]].

In a [[Captain's Log]] dated 14 March 2010, Chris revealed the name of the Hambeast as '''Faeryn''' as he was [[Fail|demanding she be made anonymous]].<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Captain%27s_Log&oldid=4015 Captain's Log, Stardate March 14, 2010]</ref>

==Background==
The date was partially a setup by [[trolls|field agents]] to see how Chris would react to a willing, but physically unattractive [[boyfriend free girl|potential mate]]. While their introduction was a setup, it was actually Chris himself who initiated conversation and asked her out on a date, managing to snag her number. Like Chris she too was fat, unattractive, with poor hygiene and little opportunity for a relationship. Even so, she was less than enthusiastic about dating Chris, and only eventually agreed by virtue of not being able to come up with a good excuse not to.
{{incomplete}}

==The images==
<center><gallery>
Image:Chris2.jpg
Image:Chris1.jpg
Image:100_0575.jpg
Image:1247626135478.jpg
</gallery></center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category: Social life]]
[[Category: Images]]