CWCki - User contributions [en]

Hair

2016-06-09T08:16:02Z

Ihacker71: /* Hair loss */ grammer

[[File:ADlEp.jpg|thumb|400px|center|Chris's hair in all its glory.]]
[[Image:Baldtotheextreme.jpg|thumb|right|"I am not balding; I had a haircut in that video that started that Damn Rumor."]]

Soaked with grease and rapidly falling off, [[Chris]]'s '''hair''' is one of the many indicators of his unhealthy lifestyle.

==Condition==
[[Image:FutureCWC.jpg|thumb|What Chris would look like by now if he wasn't a [[tomgirl]].]]
Chris's hair has never looked good. For most of his adult life, [[Barb]] served as his barber. The result was a predictably amateurish, uneven cut which served as the perfect accompaniment to his [[clown shirt]] and social awkwardness. His refusal to regularly bathe, which leaves his hair greasy and unmanageable, hasn't helped. His hair has entered something of a plateau, as even when he does take a shower, his hair's appearance virtually remains the same, as evidenced by his [[HairDifference|video demonstration]]. Nor has switching shampoos helped. In his early 20s, Chris used Selsun Blue for dandruff issues, then switched to Head & Shoulders. To assist with his Love Quest, he shifted to "[[AXE]] brand Freeze Anti-Dandruff Shampoo & Conditioner." When he became a tomgirl, he changed it again to Garnier Fructis shampoo and conditioner. He has also used Aussie Sprunch hairspray because "it keeps my hair poofy, and smells of candy." Nothing seems to have worked, as the photographic record clearly indicates. Firsthand observer [[Catherine]] thought it "looked like straw."

Chris, however, believes that his hair looks just fine, and has always been defensive about his hygienic habits. He also had no problem with his mother's styling. During the first [[Kacey Phone Call]], he enthusiastically (while pretending to be [[Liquid]]) [[Chris and his Ego|praised said haircut]]:

{{quote|Oh come on you know, ahh...I bet his mom probably cut his hair and uh, that's uh...I think it looks good on him actually! I like his haircut. If I, I mean you know uh, I would probably get my hair cut that way in the near future.}}

[[File:TG9.jpg|thumb|With his makeup, [[Chris and fashion|second-hand stripy shirt]] and poorly managed hair, Chris ends up looking more like a [[Obesity|fat]] clown than a woman.]]

For most of his life he kept it short and didn't alter it significantly, but since the [[Tomgirl Saga]] began in 2011, Chris has taken to bleaching his hair and growing it long. Chris's natural hair color is a chestnut brown, although [[Christian Weston Chandler#Early Life|early photos]] from his childhood show that it was paler at one point. He seems to be dying his hair himself, based on the unprofessional results. The highly visible brown roots seen in pictures suggest that he did not enlist the aid of a professional stylist. Chris's hair is also evidently curly when it's long; he may have done it himself with a curling iron, but Chris is far too lax in his personal grooming for that type of styling regimen. An [[October 2012]] [[Facebook]] profile picture revealed that Chris had grown his hair to his shoulders, and for the next couple years it remained at approximately this length.

[[File:Chris Long Hair.jpg|thumb|Chris with shoulder length hair.]]
[[File:Flirt1.jpeg|thumb|In 2014.]]
[[File:CWC34.png|thumb|Chris in 2016, showing horrible [[tomgirl]] hair dye and receding hairline.]]
Chris has become resolutely opposed to cutting his hair, seeing it as essential to his tomgirl/lesbian identity. In [[May 2011]], Barb forced Chris to let her cut his hair. This resulted in Chris calling Barb a bitch. He had to wear a wig for a while. He also saved a clump of hair clippings and wore it around his neck in hopes that it would grow back faster. <ref>[[Jackie_E-mails_26]]</ref>

{{quote| This was supposed to be the Year of Me; I was making Best Social Progress with the [[Wikipedia: Mary Tyler Moore|Mary Tyler Moore]] hairstyle, with Better Self-Confidence; Gone in a snip snip snip of my mother's claws. I also have retrieved the hair clippings shortly after the tragedy, gathered them in a clump, wrapped the clump in a plastic wrap, put it in a plush, satin-like baggie, attached a necklace to it, and [[Chris and religion|I am wearing my clippings as a Charm to prayfully promote quicker hair growth and recovery.]]|Chris, thinking that a 1970s woman's hairstyle helps you get [[China|friends]].}}

Chris sometimes likes to accentuate his hair with a headband. Even before becoming a tomgirl, he admired his girly [[anime wings]] to the point of incorporating them into his comic. At the pride festival and [[26 December 2014|GameStop attacks]] of 2014, he wore a pair of striking blue and pink [[My Little Pony]] tassels. Sometimes he wears ponytails.

==Hair loss==
Chris's encroaching baldness has done little for his already uncomely appearance. Since hitting his late 20s, his hairline has been receding very quickly. In videos taken of Chris at a [[Fridays After Five]] event in 2010, a bald spot was seen starting to appear on the back of his head. By 2014, at 32, pictures showed that his hairline had receded dramatically in just a couple of years, and his hair was more poorly managed, looking even more thin, wispy and unkempt, if that's possible. While his hair is long, it has simply stopped growing on the front half of his scalp, creating an extremely bizarre effect. His attempts to brush a few locks forward do little to hide his constantly growing forehead. Catherine claimed in 2014 that it was "halfway" back on his scalp.

A popular theory amongst [[trolls]] proposes that the baldness is a physical indicator of the [[stress]] Chris claims they put him through. Realistically, however, Chris just drew an unlucky ticket in the genetic lottery. Photos of his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] show that Cole lost his hair up front relatively early in life as well, and [[Bob]] was bald too. Ominously, [[Chris and health|inactivity]], [[McDonald's|poor diet]], illness, and stress are well known to accelerate the balding process. In addition, there is a strong correlation between the man's age with the eventual extent of the baldness - the earlier it begins in life, the less hair will eventually remain, which does not bode well for Chris's tomgirl dreams.

Chris seems to be completely in denial about his hair loss, making no discernible efforts to prevent it. When confronted in the [[Mailbag]] ([[Mailbag 17#Chris's receding hairline disagrees|17]], [[Mailbag 25#Balding issues|25]] and [[Mailbag 28#He's also going bald|28]]) about his obviously thinning hair, Chris asserted that he was not going bald, and he was untroubled. "When it goes, and if I do go bald, I will deal with that when I cross that bridge," he declared.

It should be noted that if one alters a photograph of Chris to remove his bastardized bangs, his hair looks almost exactly the same as it did before 2013 - slowly thinning and as greasy as ever.

==Body hair==
[[File:115-CWCEmbarassed.jpg|thumb|Embarrassed Chris with hairy naked legs.]]
Chris has never found body hair attractive, on himself or anyone else. This is probably connected to [[Chris and gender|his hatred]] of [[JERKS|men]] and their bodies, and it began long before he became a tomgirl. In 2008, he confessed that "shorts are okay, but I don't like to show off my hairy legs." A strange [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] card shows him dressed in the costume of a female character, but deeply embarrassed, in part because the dress exposes his legs, which he depicts as covered with hair. He also claimed that "facial hair, to most women, is a Turn Off," which is his [[autistic]] way of saying that he thinks beards are ugly. Consequently, early [[nudes]] of Chris showed that he shaved his torso and pubic region.
[[Image:Chris_15_Aug_2014_changed_profile_pic.jpg|thumb|right|Chris with visible stubble on his chest from shaving or waxing.]]

It is telling that part of his [[Rollin' and Trollin'|costume]] meant to throw off the trolls included a goatee. When he needed to reclaim his identity, he pointedly [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back|shaved it off]] for the camera within two weeks.

After becoming a tomgirl, he put more effort into removing his body hair, at least initially. He told [[Jackie]]:
{{quote|I have been experimenting with body hair removal systems. I tried waxing; I had diffculty, only a little pain; I could use some help on getting the hang of it. Then I tried the "As Seen on TV" Smooth Away; it worked some, but not so much; got a rash on my leg from the effort. [[Chris and brand loyalty|I would not recommend the product.]] And lastly, which removed the latter, a hair remover shower cream Nair brand "Shower Power Max", to be specific). It worked great, but I either used a bit much or left some on longer; this was last night. I had worse pain on the rashed leg, and new rashy spots on the other, on the right side of my belly near the button, and on BOTH of my [[manboobs|nipples]]. The pain was excruciating; I was lucky to find comfort and fall asleep with a few [[dreams]]. The areas still hurt some, and I will heal, with sexier legs to look forward to. It's a blessing neither of my arms were pained from the experiment. The pain was equivilant to harsh sunburn. I would have been more comfortable with Waxing in comparison. On the classic 1-10 scale; waxing was a 2; the S.P.Max was an 8.5 (going on 9 with the extended searing pain). At least my arms, legs, torso and pubic are sin hair and real smoooth.|Chris to Jackie|}}

He also said he had given himself a "Brazillian." A Brazilian wax consists of the removal of all pubic hair, something Chris has clearly desired for a long time.

Despite Chris's efforts, photos throughout 2013, 2014 and 2015 consistently showed that, on his face at least, whatever depilatory measures he was taking were an utter failure, as his facial stubble - his "5:00," as he calls it, is always apparent. As with every aspect of his life, his laziness thwarts his dream of looking like [[Britney Spears]].

==Hair mail==
Cassie, co-founder of [[Sonichu Girls]], asked Chris for locks of his hairs so all the Sonichu Girls could have them as a souvenir.

Because Chris can't say no to a pretty lady ([[Trolls|or a dude pretending to be one]]), he went to the trouble of cutting his hair and placing it into small baggies with a certificate of authenticity signed by the big C himself.

Due to the Mexican postal service, it took several months for the hair to reach Cassie. When it finally did, it was a shock - or perhaps it wasn't. Cassie described the hair as being "greasy" and having an odd odor. Evidently, Chris's hair is so filthy, the Mexican postal service, which regularly "unknowingly" ships countless pounds of cocaine, marijuana, and other illegal narcotics per year, had trouble dealing with this biohazard. Fortunately, this violation of [http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/html/uscode06/usc_sec_06_00001203----000-.html United States Code: Title 16, Chapter 4, SubChapter IV, § 1203 (a)(4-7)] did not cause any national or international incidents.

While Chris promised 200 locks of hair, only 23 were ever sent. Chris included a letter to Cassie, in English on one side and in Chris's version of Spanish on the other. Each side had a [[Sonichu]] drawing, but the [[Spanish]] side had [[Chris and race|Sonichu in a sombrero]].

==Gallery of hair==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:ChrisHair1.jpg|Now future generations will be able to clone Chris so they can have their own manchild to troll.
Image:ChrisHair2.jpg|The entire collection of hair, ready for distribution to loyal Sonichu Girls (read: [[trolls]] and especially [[homos]] from rival [[Gay 4 Sonichu]])
Image:ChrisHair3.jpg|Chris went to the trouble of making a certificate of authenticity for each lock packet. You know, to keep people from cutting their own hair and claiming it was his.
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
*[[Chris and health]]
*[[HairDifference]]

==References==
<references/>

[[Category:Physical characteristics]]

User:Ihacker71

2016-06-05T08:09:28Z

Ihacker71: edited my user page.

I fix grammar, broken links and videos.

Its very unnerving that Chris has exposed so much personal information to the internet, that it can fill an entire wiki...

You Think You're a Man

2016-06-03T04:08:03Z

Ihacker71: /* Audio */ Fixed broken video

"'''You Think You're a Man'''" is the seventh track from ''[[SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD]]'' by [[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]]. It is a cover of "[[Wikipedia:You Think You're a Man|You Think You're a Man]]" by [[DivineTrial|Divine]].

If this song dates back to the [[Jackie]] saga, it could be a taunt aimed at [[Lars]].

== Audio ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = You Think You're a Man
| video = {{#ev:youtube|iJIWZjGoX98}}
| stardate = [[November 2011]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}} {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}} {{Tomgirl|text}}
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Rebel Girl]]
| next = [[It's Raining Men]]
}}

=== Lyrics ===
Pink Flamanyoin, Divine in da house!

Man [''unintelligible''] 
Turn around, 
Take one final look at what you left behind, 
Then walk away 
From the greatest lover you have ever known, 
Just walk away, 
You're telling me that you can make it on your own, 
For yourself, all alone, without my help, 
Mister, you have made a big mist-mistake,

You think you're a man, but you're only a boy, 
You think you're a man, but you're only a toy, 
You think you're a man, but you just couldn't see 
You aren't a man enough to satisfy her.

Shut the door, 
Take a look around, tell me whatcha find. 
Shut the door, 
Take a giant step for you and all mankind, 
Then don't come back; 
I always gave you so much more than you deserved. 
Then don't come back, 
'Cause no one makes a fool of me 
You've got nerve to walk away, forgot the words I'm gonna say 
Mister, you've just made a big mistake.

You think you're a man, but you're only a boy, 
You think you're a man, you are only a toy, 
You think you're a man, but you just couldn't see, 
You weren' man enough to satisfy her.

Youthink you're a man, but you're only a boy, 
You think you're a man, you are only a toy, 
You think you're a man, but you just couldn't see, 
You weren't man-nanough to satisfy her.

Think you're a man, but you're only a boy, 
You think you're a man, you are only a toy, 
You think you're a man, just-you just couldn't see 
You weren't man enough to satisfy her.

Think you're a man, but you are onlya boy, 
You think you're a man, but you are only a toy, 
You think you're a man, but you just couldn't see, 
You weren't man-nanough to satisfy her.

{{The Tomgirls}}
[[Category:SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD]]
[[Category:Music]]

It's Raining Men

2016-06-03T04:00:02Z

Ihacker71: /* Audio */ Fixed broken video

"'''It's Raining Men'''" is the 8th track from ''[[SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD]]'' by [[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]]. It is a cover of the song "[[Wikipedia:It's Raining Men|It's Raining Men]]" by [[Wikipedia:The Weather Girls|The Weather Girls]], except [[Chris]] replaces the word "men" with "dykes", before spending the rest of the song trying to justify his stupid rewording.

It is worth noting that "It's Raining Men" is often considered to be a [[Homos|gay anthem]].

The clumsy "Yikes!" rhyme is likely a reference to the ''[[South Park]]'' episode named "D-Yikes!".

== Audio ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = It's Raining Men
| video = {{#ev:youtube|J5EAXISWUaM}}
| stardate = [[November 2011]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Homos|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}} {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}} {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt =
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[You Think You're a Man]]
| next = [[Raspberry Swirl]]
}}

=== Lyrics ===
''(sounds of Chris fumbling with mic)'' 
''(Uncertain)'' Uh, hi, we are weather people, and we've got news foooor you. Y-you better listen-get ready, all you lonely girls and men, keep those umbrellas at home, alright.

[''unintelligible''] 
Thermometers getting low, 
A-a-according to all sources, 
The street's a place to go, 
'Cause t'night for the... the first time, 
Just about half past YIKES! 
Forthefirst tiiime in his-to-ry, 
Itsgstart raining [[Homos|dyyyyykes]]!

It's rainin' dyyykes 'aaaaallelujah, 
It's rai-ning dykes! ...Amen! 
I'm gonna go out... to-oo run-toletmyself get 
[[Comeuppance|Absoluuu-lutely soakin' wet!]] 
It's raining dykes, 'Allelujah, 
It's raining dykes, every specimen, 
''(mumbles while fiddling with mic)'' ..daarg-dark, neat, 
[[Lovely Weather|Rough and tough and strong]] and swee-ee-eeeeeet,

God bless Mother Nature, 
She's a single womaaaaan too 
Knows what she likes? She took off to heaven 
'N she did what she had to do. 
She taught every angel 
To rearrange the sky 
So each and every woman and--d-gay 
Could find [''unintelligible''] ''[pause]'' couldfindaperfectgaaaaal!

It's raining dykes! Hallelujah! 
It's raining dykes, ''(fumbling with mic)'' a-Ame-en, 
It's raining dykes. ''(more fumbling)'' Hallelujah! 
It's raining dykes...

''(in speaking voice)'' Raining dykes for tomboy lesbians.

''(continues singing)'' ...Weeather... Movin' iiiin... 
...'Bout ta bee-giin... 
...Hear thunder, don't youuuu lose- 
...Don't you lose your head, 
Rip off the roof and stay in bed

God bless Mother Nature, 
She's a wom-mannnnn too, 
She know what she likes-shet'koff to hea-ven, 
She did what she had to do 
She got every angel ''(more fumbling with the mic)'' 
To re-rearrange the sky 
So that each and every woman and guy 
Could find their perfect gaaal ''(fumbling stops)''

It's raining dykes, yeah. 
''(More muttering and fumbling. The fumbling continues throughout the track)'' ...Barometer's getting low... 
''(stuttering)'' ...to all sources, 
The streeeet's a bu-place to go, 
'Causet'night's gonna- ...For the first time, 
Just about half past YIKES, 
For the first time in historyyyyyyyyyyyy, 
It's gonna start rainin' dyyyyyyyyykes, 
It's raining dykes! Hallelujah! 
It's raining dykes! 'allemen! 
It's rainin' dykes! 'allelujah, 
It's rai-nin' dyyykes...

Raining dykes, 
It's raining dykes, 
Raining dykes, 
Raaaaandykes, 
Raining dykes, dykes...

''(A brief period of Chris just fiddling with the mike, then the song cuts out.)''

{{The Tomgirls}}
[[Category:SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD]]
[[Category:Music]]

Girls And Boys

2016-06-02T21:30:57Z

Ihacker71: /* Audio */ Fixed broken video

"'''Girls And Boys'''" is the fifth track from ''[[SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD]]'' by [[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]]. It is a cover of "[[Wikipedia:Girls and Boys|Girls and Boys]]" by [[Wikipedia:Blur (band)|Blur]].

Chris seems to have chosen this song as a Tomgirl "ballad", but not only is the song too upbeat to be a ballad, but he also apparently not noticed that it also endorses [[Homos|homosexuality, bisexuality and pansexuality]].

== Audio ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Girls And Boys
| video = {{#ev:youtube|gOOHD7KIFM0}}
| stardate = [[November 2011]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}} {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}} {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt =
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Truck Driver]]
| next = [[Rebel Girl]]
}}

=== Lyrics ===
[[CWCville|Street's like a jungle]] 
So call the [[Jerkops|police]] 
Following the herd 
Down to Greece 
On holiday - 
[[Sarah Hammer|Love in the 90's]] 
Is paranoid 
On sunny beaches 
Take your chances looking for

[[BlueSpike|Girls who are boys]] 
That like boys to be girls 
Who do boys like they girls 
Who do girls like they boys 
Always should you be someone you really love

[[Monthly tugboat|Avoiding all work]] 
Because there's none available 
Like battery thinkers 
Count your thoughts on 1-2-3-4-5 fingers 
[[Recycling|Nothing is wasted]] 
Only reproduced 
Y'get nasty blisters 
''Du bist sehr schön'' [''pronounces it wrong''] 
But we haven't been introduced

Girls who are boys 
Who like boys to be girls 
Who do boys like they're girls 
Who do girls like they're boys 
Always should be be someone you really love

Girls who are boys 
Who like boys to be girls 
Who do boys like they're girls 
Who do girls like they're boys 
Always should be someone you really love

[''long pause'']

[''mumbles and stumbles'']
Girls who are boys 
Who like boys to be girls 
Who do boys like they're girls 
Who do girls like they're boys 
Always should be someone you really love

Girls who are boys 
Who like boys to be girls 
Who do boys like they're girls 
Who do girls like they're boys 
Always should be someone you really love

Girls who are boys 
Who like boys to be girls 
Who do boys like they're girls 
Who do girls like they're boys 
Always should be someone you really love

Girls who are boys 
Who like boys to be girls 
Who do boys like they're girls 
Who do girls like they're boys 
Always should be someone you really love

{{The Tomgirls}}
[[Category:SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD]]
[[Category:Music]]

Truck Driver

2016-06-02T21:29:38Z

Ihacker71: /* Audio */ Fixed broken video

"'''Truck Driver'''" is the 4th track from ''[[SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD]]'' by [[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]]. It is a cover of "[[Wikipedia:Running with Scissors (album)|Truck Drivin' Song]]" by [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|"Weird Al" Yankovic]].

Yankovic's original song is intended to be a humorous juxtaposition of a rugged male voice and themes about a profession typically associated with men contrasted with lyrics that suggest the protagonist is a woman or [[Tomgirl|transvestite.]] The [[Parody|comedy]] is likely over Chris's head, and the song was probably chosen as a proud anthem of his Tomgirl lifestyle.

== Audio ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Truck Driver
| video = {{#ev:youtube|Sg0YXdKOP7c}}
| stardate = [[November 2011]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}} {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}} {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt =
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[If You Were a Woman and I Was a Man]]
| next = [[Girls And Boys]]
}}

=== Lyrics ===
I'm drivin' a truck 
Drivin' a big ol' truck 
Pedal to the metal, hope I don't run out of luck 
Rollin' down the highway until the break of dawn 
Drivin' a truck with my high heels on 

My diesel rig is northward bound 
It's time to put that hammer down 
Just watchin' as the miles go flyin' by 
I'm ridin' twenty tons of steel 
But it's sure hard to hold the wheel 
While I'm waiting for my nails to dry

Oh, I always gotta check my lipstick in that rear view mirror 
And my pink angora sweater fits so tight 
I'm jammin' gears and haulin' freight 
Well, I sure hope my seams are straight 
Lord, don't let [[Kaka Makeup Basics|my mascara]] run tonight

Because I'm drivin' a truck 
Drivin' a big ol' truck 
Smokey's on my tail and my accelerator's stuck 
Got these eighteen wheels-a-rollin' until the break of dawn 
Drivin' a truck with my high heels on

Oh, I don't mind when my crotchless panties creep right up on me 
And my nipple rings don't bother me too much 
But when I hit those big speed bumps 
My darling little rhinestone pumps 
Keep slippin' off the mother-lovin' clutch

But still I'm drivin' a truck 
Drivin' a big ol' truck 
Headin' down the interstate, just tryin' to make a buck 
Wearin' feather boas with sequins and chiffon 
While I'm drivin' a truck with my high heels on

I'm drivin' a truck 
Drivin' a truck 
Got a load to carry and some eyebrows left to pluck 
And I'm late for my appointment down at my hair salon 
So I'll be drivin' a truck with my high heels on
{{The Tomgirls}}
[[Category:SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD]]
[[Category:Music]]

If You Were a Woman and I Was a Man

2016-06-02T21:28:20Z

Ihacker71: /* Audio */ Fixed broken video

"'''If You Were a Woman and I Was a Man'''" is the third track from ''[[SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD]]'' by [[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]]. It is a cover of the song "[[Wikipedia:If You Were a Woman (And I Was a Man)|If You Were a Woman (And I Was a Man)]]" by [[Wikipedia:Bonnie Tyler|Bonnie Tyler]], and is the [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|second]] <s>butchering</s> cover of Bonnie Tyler that Chris has done. Considering Chris's rampant homophobia, it's interesting that Chris, being a "straight male," is singing to someone "[[Homos#Why Chris appears to be gay|If [he] were a woman.]]" This is somewhat [[duress]]-inducing given that Chris has [[CWC "Boyfriend"|in the past]] shown us that he can competently change the gender roles in a song he's singing.

== Audio ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = If You Were a Woman and I Was a Man
| video = {{#ev:youtube|W3ug7JJgi6E}}
| stardate = [[November 2011]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}} {{Crazy|text}}, {{Homos|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}} {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt =
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[I Know What Boys Like]]
| next = [[Truck Driver]]
}}

=== Lyrics ===
Wo, wooo, woooo, wo …

[''Late start''] -‘s it feel to be a woman, 
How’s it feel to be a man, 
Are we really that different, 
Tell me where you stand

I look at ‘chu, you look away. 
Why do you say “we’re night and day” 
I’d like to try another way. 
Oh baby, we’re-w-we’re just one day.

[[Homos|If you were a woman]], and [[Tomgirl|I was a man]], 
Would it be so hard to understand? 
That a hearts a heart, and we do what we can. 
If you were a woman, and I was a man. 
… If you were a woman, and I was a man!

[[Chris and rape|How’s it feel to be the hunter.]] 
[[Chris and rape|How’s it feel to be the prey.]] 
Is there really a reason for this game we play?

I look at ‘chu, you look away, 
Why do you say, “we’re night and day”. 
I’d like to try another day, 
(sudden stop) … Oh darlin’… just one more day. 
If you were a woman, and I was a man 
Would it be so hard to understand? 
Cause-cause there-theres a heart, and we do what we can. 
If you were a woman, and I was a man. 
… If you were a woman, and I was a man.

Hey … we’re just two people tryin’ to love. 
But how … how can we love. 
… with this wall between us, holding us back!

If you were a woman, and I was a man 
Would it be so hard to understand? 
That a hearts a heart, and we do what we can. 
If you were a woman, and I was a man. 
If you were a woman, and I was a man! 
If you were a woman, and I was a man!

… you were a woman, and I was a man! 
It-It be so hard to understand? 
That a hearts a heart, and we do what we can. 
If you were a woman, and I was a man. 
If you were a woman, and I was a man.

''(Sings a few notes of the last instrumental)'' 
Dun, dun dun dunnn …

{{The Tomgirls}}
[[Category:SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD]]
[[Category:Music]]

I Know What Boys Like

2016-06-02T21:26:21Z

Ihacker71: /* Audio */ Fixed broken video

"'''I Know What Boys Like'''" is the second track from ''[[SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD]]'' by [[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]]. It is a cover of the song "[[Wikipedia:Wasn't Tomorrow Wonderful?|I Know What Boys Like]]" by [[Wikipedia:The Waitresses|The Waitresses]].

As per [[Chris]]'s usual brand of laziness, the original song played under his "[[singing]]" is pitched up to PAL levels rather than the song's normal pitch. Also, he replaces all mention of boys with "girls" or "[[gal-pals|gals]]".

== Audio ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = I Know What Boys Like
| video = {{#ev:youtube|2VJdRGMDOFQ}}
| stardate = [[November 2011]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}} {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}} {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt =
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = [[Man I Feel Like a Woman]]
| next = [[If You Were a Woman and I Was a Man]]
}}

=== Lyrics ===
I know what girls like, 
I know what gals want, 
I know what girls like, 
I've got what girls like. 
Ah- [''hums, realizes no lyrics are sung here''].

I know what girls like, 
I know what gals want. 
I see them lookin' 
Ahh, uhh...

I make them want me, 
I like to tease them, 
I thu-they wanna touch me, 
They never let them.

I know what girls like, 
I know what gals want. 
I know what girls like, 
Girls like... girls like me.

[''starts late''] -but you are special... 
You're so much different!... 
Oooh wouldya like that?...

[''momentary silence'']

I know what girls like, 
I know what gals want. 
I know what girls like, 
I know what's on their minds.

I know what girls like, 
I know what gals want. 
They talk about me.

I got my [[cat]] moves, 
That so upsets them, 
Zippodzand buttons, 
Fun to frustrate them.

They get so [[Anger|angry]], 
Like [[Autism|pouty children]], 
Thennn neither can be, 
I laugh right at them,

[''late''] -I know what girls like, 
I know what gals want, 
I know what girls like, 
Girls like... girls like me.

[''brief interlude'']

La la la laa laaa, 
La la la laa LAH [''fumbles microphone'']

I see you're sad now, 
Emsorry I teeeeased you, 
This time I mean it, 
Anything you want, 
I really want to.

Ahwould you like it,

Sssweetie!

I know what girls like, 
I got what gals want. 
I know what girls like, 
Girls like... girls like me.

LA LA LA LAA LAAH, 
LA LA LA LAA LAWW. 
LA LA LA LAA LAAH, 
LA LA LA LAA LAAW.

[''Lowers voice to imitate song fade out''] 
La la la laa laah, 
La la la laa laaw. [''fumbles mic again'']

{{The Tomgirls}}
[[Category:SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD]]
[[Category:Music]]

Man I Feel Like a Woman

2016-06-02T21:22:15Z

Ihacker71: /* Audio */ Fixed broken video

"'''Man I Feel Like a Woman'''" is the first track from ''[[SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD]]'' by [[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]]. It is a cover of the song "[[Wikipedia:Man! I Feel Like a Woman!|Man! I Feel Like a Woman!]]" by [[Wikipedia:Shania Twain|Shania Twain]].

== Audio ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Man I Feel Like a Woman
| video = {{#ev:youtube|da4nqphD49s}}
| stardate = [[November 2011]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Jackie|text}}
| style = {{Comedy|text}} {{Crazy|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}} {{Tomgirl|text}}
| shirt =
| other = {{Leaked|text}}
| previous = None
| next = [[I Know What Boys Like]]
}}

=== Lyrics ===
[''sung over Shania Twain's "Man! I Feel Like a Woman!"'']

Let's go girls! 
Come on. 
I'm going out tonight 
I'm feelin' alright 
Gonna let it all hang out 
Wanna make some noise 
Really raise my voice 
Yeah, I wanna scream and shout 
[[Honest Content|No inhibitions]] 
Make no conditions 
Gah a little outta line 
I ain't gonna act [[Chris_and_race|policically correct,]] 
I only wanna have a good time!

The best thing about bein' a woman, 
Is the prerogative to have [[Sex|a little fun]]!

Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy! 
Forget I'm a lady! 
[''leaves out "[[JERKS|Man's]]''] ... shirt, short skirts, 
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild, yeah, doin' it in-in style 
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action! 
Feel the attraction! 
Color my hair, do what I dare, 
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be as free, yeah, yeah yeah I feel, 
Man! I feel like a [[Tomgirl pictures|woman!]]

The girls need a break 
Tonight we're gonna take 
The chance to get out on the town 
We don't need romance 
We only wanna dance 
We're gonna let our hair hang down

The best thing about being a woman 
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and,

Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy! 
Forget I'm a lady! 
Tank shirts, short skirts 
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild, yeah, doin' it sty-in style 
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action, feel the attraction 
Color my hair, do what I dare 
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free, yeah, feel the way-ay I feel 
Man! I feel like a woman!

Oh yeah, the best thing about being a woman 
Is the prerogative to have a little fun! Fun!

Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy! 
Forget I'm a lady! 
Tank shirts, short skirts 
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild, yeah, doin' it in style 
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action! 
Feel the attraction! 
Color my [[Hair|hair]], do what I dare 
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free, yeah, feel the way I feel 
Man! I feel like a woman! 
OH! Oh Oh! OH! Uh huh yeah! 
I get totally crazy 
Can you feel it? 
Come, come, come on [[Jackie]]! 
Oh! Oh!! OH!!

I feel like a woman!

{{The Tomgirls}}
[[Category:SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD]]
[[Category:Music]]