CWCki - User contributions [en]

Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean

2012-05-18T22:48:09Z

Irtr Mrae: /* Transcript */ less than one second is a "long pause"? either figure out what words mean, or grow an attention span

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[File:AskMichaelSnyder.jpg|thumb|Chris overestimates his own [[power]] as he begs his [[Trolls|True and Loyal Fanbase]] to support his cause.]]
'''Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean''' (full title "'''04122010 - Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean (Audio Only).MOV'''") is an audio recording released by [[Chris]] chronicling an attempt to get himself unbanned from [[The GAMe PLACe]] by confronting [[Michael Snyder]], the [[manajerks|manager]] who permanently ejected him from the store in the summer of [[2008]]. Chris recorded their conversation by hiding a video camera in his pocket. The phrase "ColdHearted" in the title is supposed to be a [[Random-access humor|play on the title of ''Pokemon HeartGold'']].

As usual, Chris adds this to his list of fails as Michael is unmoved by his attempts to get back in, and is entirely justified in this belief. According to Michael himself, Chris's plea was a script he had written down on a piece of paper.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/all_comments?v=u_p6bShW97Y YouTube comments]</ref> He also, it seems, can't remember why he was kicked out of the store in the first place. He mentions a "[[Nintendo|Wii]] incident," an occasion where he angered the management with his regular habit of taking over the store's television with his [[video game]] consoles, but otherwise he appears to be genuinely confused as to why Snyder won't let him back in. Oddly, yet hilariously, Chris adds to his streak of [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|racist videos]] by shouting "JEW!" at Michael as he leaves the store, [[South Park|like a certain other egotistical fat kid]]. Of note, Michael is not actually Jewish, and the last name Snyder (or Schneider) is German in origin.

The conversation took place on 12 [[April 2010]] and Chris uploaded it to [[YouTube]] later the same day. Shortly after it was posted, the recording was removed from YouTube due to a terms of use violation, either because of Chris's anti-Semitic attitude, because the recording itself may have been [[Chris and the Law|illegal]], or because of the dox and incitement to harass dropped in the description. In the early morning hours of the next day, Chris added a text-only [[:File:AskMichaelSnyder.jpg|image]] on the front page of [[CWCipedia]] accusing Michael Snyder of [[Kick the Autistic|discriminating against him]] for having [[autism]], and linked to a troll mirror of the deleted video (which he had mistaken for a fan).

One way or another, this video is absolute proof of Chris violating the law—he dropped into the store unannounced with full knowledge that he wasn't supposed to be there. [[Virginia]] defines this as "trespassing", which is a crime punishable by a fine not to exceed $2500, at most one year in prison, or both. According to Mimms, cops were called after this happened, though Michael was unable to press the issue.

==Prelude to the madness==

On 21 April 2010, a woman named [[Jackie]] dropped a number of e-mails<ref>See [[Jackie e-mails]], [[Jackie e-mails Part 2]] and [[Jackie e-mails Part 3]]</ref> between herself and Chris. In one of the letters, Chris reveals that he attempted to go to The GAMe PLACe after church the day before the video was released. When one of the cashiers saw Chris and recognized him, he threatened to call the cops. Chris got angry and bolted.

Finding out Michael Snyder would appear the next day, Chris had his plan - approach Michael and attempt to get the ban lifted. Chris's plan was that if Michael did not lift the ban after this long, [[Chris and the Law|he would call the cops]]. Chris hid a camera in his pocket with the intent of using it as evidence in the event he had to resort to this.

==Description==
{{quotebox|This happened on my recent visit to the Game & Hobby Place. My Camera was hidden in my Vest Pocket.

I encourage all to go there in person, find Michael, and [[Chris and hypocrisy|pester/Troll]] the hell out of him (other employees who support him optional). Also say to Michael, "[[Chris and race|Do Not Discriminate]] Against People like Christian Weston Chandler."

243 Ridge McIntire Road Charlottesville, VA 22903 (434) 984-1040}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 04122010 - Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean (Audio Only).MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|6odVsyr3I40}}
| stardate = 12 [[April 2010]]
| subject = {{Racism|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Rage|text}}
| saga = {{Game Place|text}}
| other = {{Audio|text}}
| previous = [[F Abstinance]]
| next = [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]}}

{{quote|I'm a better person...}}

=== Transcript ===

[''Chris is speaking into a recorder. From the sound of it, it seems like he is inside his [[Son-chu|car]].'']

'''Chris:''' This is Christian Weston Chandler, [[Captain's Log]]. Stardate... 4:34 PM, Monday, April 12, 2010. I am about to go into the Game and Comic Hobby Place — also sell toys there — to get myself, to try to get myself unbanned and get forgiveness for the mistake I have made almost a year ago when I was banned from the store in June of 2008.

[''Heavy [[sigh]] from Chris'']

'''Chris:''' The dude who banned me was, his name is Michael Snyder, possibly a [[Chris and race#Jews|Jew]] considering his last name. Nothing bad against the Jews, but I'm just throwin' it out there. Alright, so, here I go. [''sigh'']

[''Chris turns off the engine and leaves his car. He approaches The Game Place, and the chime of the store's door alarm can be heard as he goes inside. "Every Morning" by Sugar Ray faintly plays in the background, while we get a good view of the inside of Chris's pocket.'']

'''Chris:''' Hello, I'm here to see Michael.

'''Employee:''' Yeah, he's in the room back here.

[''We come upon Michael, who is fixing an RC car. His remarks are occasionally interrupted by whoever he is helping. Judging by the audio, Chris is standing relatively close to him, close enough to occasionally hear whoever Michael is speaking with.'']

 '''Michael:''' Well, I mean, you're, you, you'll just see that by running it. I mean, it was running okay the other day. But just, you know, adjust it one way or the other depending on temperature and everything else. But, you know, it just, it's not usually much. By changing fuel, it doesn't usually change... tuning that much. Mmkay... Uh-huh. Yeah, no, it'll be fine... Right, yeah, it'll be fine. [pause] Okay... Okay... Who made it?

[''The recorder seems to move away from the conversation, and a long silence follows. Various store noises occur in the background, including the bell from someone opening the front door.'']

 '''Michael:''' Okay. Alright. Sounds good. Mm-hm. Bye.

'''Chris:''' Hello, Michael. I see, uh... You've been, I see you're looking well. Haven't changed much since, for the past almost two years. And, yeah, it has been, uh, almost two years since... uh, what happened, uh, June- June 2008. But, uh, I came back hoping that, uh, we could put that behind us and...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' Come on. I mean, it has been almost two years, and it's just been on my mind for so long, just be...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] But, can't we just [[Mary Lee Walsh|forgive]] and forget?

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' C'mon, to have this...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' ...[[Obesity|weight]] on my back...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' And I have really...

 '''Michael:''' No.

'''Chris:''' ...missed coming here.

 '''Michael:''' No. No. You need to leave now.

'''Chris:''' I'm, [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|I'm a better person...]]

 '''Michael:''' You need to leave now.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] C'mon, what? Come on, dude...

 '''Michael:''' No! You need to leave now.

'''Chris:''' [[Twin Falling Towers|How can you be so heartless?]] I mean, you're, I mean, you're obviously not as mean as one of those trolls I've been dealing with...

 '''Michael:''' You need to leave now.

'''Chris:''' I mean, come on, I mean, obviously you have something against me, [''four beeping noises are heard, possibly Michael dialing out to 911''] because aside from the Wii incident, I just would like to know ''what''. Come on. Gimme a break. Alright, fine, I'll leave.

[''His tone becomes sharp and angry.'']

'''Chris:''' But I hope that [[Chris and Religion|God will forgive you]] for being so [[Chris and Hypocrisy#"I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance|heartless and cruel]], Michael Snyder!

 '''Michael:''' He probably will.

'''Chris:''' [[Chris and Race|''JEW!'']]

[''Chris goes out the door, tape runs out.'']

==Aftermath==
During the confrontation, Michael called the [[jerkops|police]]. However, Chris was long gone by the time they arrived.

On the linked YouTube page the opposite party, Snyder, chimed in to inform everyone that, while he had attempted to press charges against Chris for trespassing, the police informed him that he had no recourse to pursue legal action for Chris's trespassing or attempts to incite harassment. It all seems for naught anyway, as Snyder mentioned that, not only did he not receive any harassing messages, but he actually got messages of congratulations and encouragement for putting Chris in his place.

{{quotebox|I have been told I have no recourse for any of his actions, and his encouraging people to harass me. Turnabout is fair play?? }}
{{quotebox|I want to thank all my fans for their calls supporting me, and feel he needs to stay home and get your calls. His phone number in the book is 434-990-0198. Happy dialing,
Mike 
Elvis has left the building }}

===A video with video===
The next day, [[Vivian Gee]] made a ''[[South Park]]''-style animation using the audio from this clip. Christian himself stopped by to make the following comments on her video:

{{quotebox|Hey, Vivian. I'm going to tell you right now that if you were trying to offend me with this "South Park" [[Parody]]; You Failed. This is just SOO FUNNY! You ought to know I like "South Park", especially the less dramatic, more comical episodes. ROFL}}

{{quotebox|Actually, there is ONE more thing you could to just make this a TOPPER of a Comical Scene; I gave him the finger as I left for real, so add a [[Wild Sonichu|Sit-And-Spin]] in the silence right before the final insult. ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL}}

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = episode 200 - the game place
| video = {{#ev:youtube|HWq4pB_Vikw}}
| stardate = 13 [[April 2010]]
| maker = [[Vivian Gee]]
| subject =
| type =
| info = }}

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Chan is not an Anti-Semite
| video = {{#ev:youtube|AAeawAbjyQA}}
| stardate = 12 [[April 2010]]
| maker = Stvx2
| subject =
| type = Judeo
| info = }}

==See also==
* [[Apology to Game & Hobby Place]]
* [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]
* [[28 October 2011]]

==Sources==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?gmqwe4kmgzm MP3 download]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[F Abstinance]]|nextlink=[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]|}}

{{Videos}}
{{Captain's Log}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, April 2010| 2010-04-12]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos| 2010-04-12]]
[[Category:The GAMe PLACe]]

Chris and race

2012-05-18T21:36:29Z

Irtr Mrae: /* Nope, no improved race relations */ for fuck's sake, grow up

[[Image:GrandWizards4Sonichu.jpg|thumb|250px|Chris approves as he attends a [[Gay4Sonichu|Klansmen 4 Sonichu]] meetup]]
[[File:Niggo.jpg|thumb|250px|"Oh yeah, he's also Old Fashioned."]]

[[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s '''racist tendencies''' can be traced at least partially to his Southern [[USA|U.S.]] heritage, but certain other factors seem to imply that the rest of his worldview on race comes from stereotypes depicted by popular culture. In some cases, however, Chris seems to be completely unfamiliar with even the stereotypes, opting to make up a bunch of bullshit off the top of his head.

==African Americans==
{{main|Niggos}}

Chris demonstrates many instances of intolerance and racism, both intentional and unintentional. His racism comes from several sources: [[Bob Chandler|his father]], his isolated formative years, television, and his complete ignorance of everything that isn't him. Black people, in particular, are a common target for his xenophobia, hence his use of the words "nigger" and "niggos."

==Asians==
In the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], Chris portrays [[Punchy Sonichu]] as a [[CWC Fighter|kung fu]] master with [[Wikipedia:Epicanthic fold|slanty eyes]], raised in a dojo. When a fan criticized this stereotyping, Chris claimed that Punchy was "NOT of Asian origin."<ref>[[Mailbag 6]]</ref> Outside of the comic, Chris also misattributes the origin of kung fu to Japan, when in actuality it comes from [[China]]. He does a racist impression of a Chinese person, and claims Japanese and Chinese people sound the same.<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]</ref> In a [[Katie Bay E-mails|leaked series of e-mails]], it is shown that Chris simply does not seem to know that China and Japan are not the same, as he calls the Japanese account Chinese, failing to realize that they are separate countries with different languages, writing systems and currencies.

In his real-life dealings, Chris seems to have a positive or at least neutral view toward Asians. He has stated that he would not exclude Asian women from his [[Love Quest]], and at one point [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Eating Spaghetti (36:49 - 38:54)|believed Emily to be part-Asian]]. However, he also said that meeting her was like having a [[Sailor Moon|''Pretty Girl Sailor Moon'']] character leap out of his television; a real Asian woman probably wouldn't be pleased to be imagined as animu wank fodder.

Chris also mentioned receiving a graduation gift from Reverend Shin C. Kang (sp?) of Korean Hope Presbyterian Church of Richmond in the [[church audio]].<ref>[http://www.taxexemptworld.com/organizations/chesterfield-county-va-virginia.asp?spg=2]</ref>

[[Manajerks|"Turdijerk"]] from "Off-Target" has a vaguely South Asian appearance and the name may also be based on a stereotype of an Indian accent.

===Ching Chong===
In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009]], Chris presents us [[Chris and remorse|sincere apologies]] for having scared a small Chinese girl that [[Ivy]] tutored in art. The child, known only as '''Ching Chong''' (程鍾 ''Chéng Zhong'') is now traumatized due to her witnessing a video of Chris drinking his own [[semen|"navy"]] while innocently browsing [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]. Chris never made a follow-up on the girl and never asked why her name was a known racial slur towards ethnic Asian communities. In the [[Wedding Comic]], Ching Chong is seen [[List of Sonichu characters#Ching Chong|as a flower girl]].

==Native Americans==
{{main|Cherokian Clan}}
[[Image:02-Cheroki-Chan Card2.jpg|thumb|left| This has something to do with Native Americans. No, really.]]
As stated in the main article, despite claiming to have at least one [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan|Cherokee ancestor]], Chris is completely ignorant of Native American culture. However, unlike other minorities, Chris's opinions and representation of Native Americans are a misguided expression of "pride" for his "heritage".

In [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]: [[Sonichu 2#Episode 7: Sonichu in "Anchuent Prophecy"|Episode 7]], Chris tries to tie in his "[[Cherokian]]" heritage with ''Sonichu'' lore. He depicts [[Wikipedia:Cherokee|Cherokee]] characters in his work as white-skinned and blue-eyed, and wearing Ancient Roman-style armor ([[Wikipedia:Joseph Smith, Jr|Joseph Smith]] would be proud). The [[Wasabi Clan]] also bear no resemblance to Native Americans.

Chris has also embodied his ignorance of Native American culture in a physical form. For a brief time, Chris blurred his gender roles and began to collect and customize "[[My Little Pony]]" dolls. One of the dolls he crafted was the infamous "Cheroki-Chan", a Native American pony. While there is nothing overtly racist about this abomination, it is probably not how Native Americans want to be represented. In the end Cheroki-Chan is just another Mary Sue for Chris, and pales in comparison to Chris's most infamous portrayal of Native Americans.

In a shocking display of ignorance, Chris attempted to emulate what he perceives as "Native American culture" in a [[War Paint Video]]. In this video Chris wears water-washable paint (and a "[[muscle bra]]") and wields a gun in an attempt to frighten trolls into submission. This video was inevitable fail because true Cherokee wore vests and used only bows and arrows, which Chris [[I AM STRONG|lacks the strength]] to use.

==Jews==
{{quote|I hope that God will forgive you for being so heartless and cruel Michael Snyder!... JEW!|[[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|Chris]]}}
In "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas]]", Chris describes how Jews living in [[CWCville]] celebrate [[Wikipedia:Hanukkah|Hanukkah]]. On December 12, members of the CWCville Jewish diaspora set up "Menorah candles" (the "Haunaka" Menorah candelabrum has seven candles in it, while the traditional menorah used on Hanukkah IRL, called a ''Hanukkiah'', has nine) instead of Christmas Trees, with [[Wikipedia:dreidel|dreidels]] lying under them. Since the candle-related symbolism is very much present in the RL Hanukkah rituals, it's in good taste to give CWCville Jews anything candle-related as a gift. e.g., when Sonichu's daughter [[Cerah Rosey]] baked cookies for her friends, she decided to make her Jewish friend Kevin a candle-shaped one. Because Jews surely love to be distinguished from other people on any occasions based solely on their faith, and would take deep offense in receiving a normal nothing-special-shaped cookie as a gift! Also, Hanukkah is the only Jewish holiday, and so candles (especially single ones not on a Menorah) are super-important to Jews!

Cerah also makes the flavor vanilla, just in case poor Kevin had any nut/chocolate allergies. Instead of simply ''asking'' if he's allergic, she just assumes it. Because Jews are Melvins with many allergies, you see.

In fact, there actually is a tradition of eating specially ''fried'' foods (latke and sufganiyah) on Hanukkah, and vanilla is one of the allowed ingredients used in making them. Not that Chris knows anything about this, mind you.

Near the beginning of Chris's [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|latest]] (unsuccessful) attempt to be unbanned from the [[The GAMe PLACe]], he casually pointed out that Michael Snyder was probably Jewish (although "Snyder" is a very common German last name, meaning "to cut"), using his last name as a point of reference. Of course with Chris being the [[slow-in-the-mind|idiot]] he is, it ended with him angrily calling Snyder a Jew. Given the use of the word as an insult, and Chris using it in context with other words denoting a type of sin it shows just how tolerant he is of other religions. In a later video ([[100 2178]]), Chris appears to restrain himself from calling Snyder a "greedy Jew".

If Chris's antisemitism was veiled before, it becomes extremely apparent in an email he sent to [[Katie Bay E-mails 2|Katie Bay while impersonating Samantha Thaddeus]]. While talking about Michael Snyder, he refers to him as a "son of a bitch Jew" and a "pigheaded, stubborn Jew".

==Hispanics==
[[Image:332-Espanolic.jpg|thumb|left|Espanolic, the Spanish Pokémon]]

Aside from his rather tenuous grasp on the [[Spanish]] language, Chris has created a somewhat racist caricature in the form of [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|Espanolic]]. It's a Grass-type [[Pokémon]] that resembles an anthropomorphized [[Wikipedia:Sombrero|sombrero]] in front of what appears to be the flag of [[Wikipedia:Bolivia|Bolivia]] or [[Wikipedia:Ghana|Ghana]], and its main attack is confusing its enemies with its "strange language". Its evolved form, Vegaton, has an attack called "[[Wikipedia:Spanish fly|Spanish Fly]]", that puts its enemies to sleep.

Hilariously enough, [[Nintendo]] would later create similar Pokémon named Lombre and Ludicolo, which, despite being obvious stereotypes, were handled far more tactfully than Chris could hope to do.

So far, the only Hispanic character in the comics is [[Heather Iglesias]], the [[Homos|lesbian]] nanny of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children]]. Chris is probably trying to be inclusive here, but he isn't creative or intelligent enough to think of anything besides a stereotypical occupation for Hispanic women.

It may also be notable that oftentimes, Chris refers to Hispanic people as being "Spanish". While not totally inaccurate, the word "Spanish" is usually reserved for people actually from Spain, whereas "Hispanic" is used for peoples from countries that predominately speak Spanish (a good comparison would be referring to people from Ireland or Scotland as "English").

Chris has shown in the past a willingness to [[Joshua Martinez|befriend]] and [[Lori Lopez|date]] Hispanics.

==Parental influence==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|right|Bob telling Chris the Barack Obama joke.]]

Given that his father [[Bob Chandler]] grew up in the southern [[United States]] before the civil rights movement and [[Prank_calls#ThePCassassins_-_Call_Bobby_Chandler|has claimed to have friends in the Ku Klux Klan and may be a member himself]], it's safe to assume that some of his prejudices passed on to Chris. It is possible Bob also disliked that Chris's high school basketball team had only three white players and the two [[Wikipedia:waterboy|waterboys]] were both white. In [[2008]], Bob said that, if elected president, [[Barack Obama]] would "paint the White House black." In a [[Prank_calls#Call_Bobby_Chandler|2010 prank call]], Bob implied that he was a Ku Klux Klan member, and said ''"I’ve seen crosses burning, fella. I've seen 'em. And you don’t wanna see it."'' Of course, he may have just made these claims to intimidate [[troll]]s.

==Chris and stereotypes==
Chris's views of cultures besides Southern white Christians can also be traced to the television he watches. The typical [[Adult Swim]] cartoon includes gratuitous use of stereotype-based humor. Chris takes [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There|''The Boondocks'']]' satire of black stereotypes at face value. He also portrays nearly every person of African descent that appears in ''Sonichu'' with bald heads and either [[wikipedia:Golliwogg|round, bulging eyes]] or glasses that resemble such. Finally, he does an impression of the stereotypical black accent, which he apparently confuses with the Jamaican accent, in [[Mumble 4]].

His exposure to anime fuels his misguided views on East Asians. Asians, in his views, [[Excel Saga|excel at]] [[random-access humor]] and [[Punchy|martial arts]].

Chris, despite claiming [[Cherokee]] ancestry, doesn't seem to know what a Native American even looks like, as he portrays the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] as an overtly European person wearing Greco-Roman garb. He also tramples all over their actual rituals and culture simply to implement the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] into his comic. Chris most likely has no idea what kind of rituals took place in Native American culture. If he did, he would know that some tribes slit their [[duck|cocks]] to please the gods.

==Not a racist?==
[[Image:ECP 00024.jpg|thumb|left|Chris being a [[niggo|wiggo]].]]
{{quote|And I am NOT racist, and I like Jews|Chris, in response to a [[Mailbag_6#Rejected_Mailbag|rejected mailbag]] email}}
Chris does not want to be considered a racist. He claims to respect blacks as equals, saying that in CWCville "they can even vote", but at best he merely tolerates their existence so long as they stay away from him. Or if they can [[Reggie Fils-Aimé|help him get his inane and idiotic video game made]]. However, he does genuinely like two black people: [[My big 18th party (story)|Kenan & Kel]].

Also, Chris has probably never been told that the voice of [[Sonic]] in the animated series that he loves so much was [[Wikipedia:Jaleel White|Jaleel White]], a [[Niggos|black]] man. If someone told him this, he would probably deny it. However, given that Chris managed to get [[LittleBigPlanet|respect]] for [[Homos|Stephen Fry]]...

He did mention more than once that the reason he doesn't want black girls (but any other race is okay) is because he thinks God told him that his future daughter Crystal must be white, too. (In an [[IRC (17 December 2008)|IRC]], Chris said he has no problem with dating an Asian. Later, in [[Mailbag 35]], he wrote he would date "Asian, Native or Hispanic women, as well as women of all other countries" except the ones being black because he's "Old Fashioned".)

Realistically, Chris is not considered a white supremacist type of racist but more of a xenophobic one. In other words, he's afraid of ethnic groups he's not familiar with. Like most things in his life, [[Chris and reality|Chris has no real knowledge and bases everything off what he's seen on TV]]. Chris's perception of minorities is only what the TV shows him, since encountering them in real life is something that rarely occurs.

===Improved race relations?===
[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|left|Chris does not judge a woman by the color of her skin but by the size of her tits.]]

An [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|image]] leaked on 26 [[September 2009]] showing Chris having sex with three young ladies, including an African American woman. In the [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 10th, 2009|Captain's Log of 10 October 2009]], Chris clarified that the woman with whom he's performing sexual intercourse is "Half And Half" (mixed ancestry). This proves to us that, even if he's ready to touch the [[china|genitals]] of a black woman, he is unable to imagine the sexual intercourse with someone not sharing white ancestry. In fact, there's evidence that [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|shared ancestry may be a turn-on for Chris.]]

It seems that the futility of his [[love quest]] has lead Chris to lower his ridiculously high standards even further, as he did with fat chicks (which he dropped for [[Sarah Jackson]]), and red heads (as he did with [[Ivy]]).

===Nope, no improved race relations===
[[Image:Chrishunwessonkramer.jpg|thumb|"Fitty years ago you'da been hung from a damn dirty tree!"]]

This just in: Chris is a bigot. If anyone had any misconceptions that Chris was anything short of the most horrible person on earth, he ended Sonichu Day by calling Tito a "nigger" in "[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb]]" and in the [[Surfshack Tito E-mails]], making him an official racist. (The repercussions of this event included [[Jack Thaddeus]] removing his ads from CWCipedia and [[Mao]] taking over the site for a short time, leading to a massive amount of vandalism.) Soon, Chris also called Michael Snyder a Jew (in a derogatory way) in [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean]]. He later performed [[Song for Jackie.MOV|a song in ''blackface'']] for his sweetheart [[Jackie]]. {{clear}}

==Minority characters in ''Sonichu''==
*[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Kevin]] (Jewish, good, never seen)
*[[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] (<s>Paleface</s> Native American, lawful good)
*[[Wes Iseli#Wasabi Rival|Wasabi Rival]] (<s>Caucasian</s> Native American, evil)
*[[Sarah Nicole Hammer#Queen of the Cherokian Clan|Queen of the Cherokian Clan]] - (Native American, good, probably the whitest of all Native American characters in the comics as she's not only blue eyed but also blonde)
*[[B-Manajerk]] (black, evil)
** Occasionally other [[Jerkop]]s are shown to be black as well. No other minorities are apparent.
*[[Barack Obama]] (half black)
*[[Blake]] (black, evil turned good)
*[[CADD Chef]] (black, evil)
*[[Florance Fisher]] (black, good)
*[[Jerkhief]] (black, lawful evil)
*[[Punchy]] (Chinese-Japanese, good)
*[[Silvana]] (black, evil [said to turn good])
*[[Turdijerk]] (Asian?, drawn with tan skin, evil)
*[[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|Constable Louis Perez]] (black, TRUE and HONEST police officers)
*[[Inos]] (black, [[tobacky]] smoker)
*[[Heather Iglesias]] (Hispanic, lesbian, good, never seen)
*[[List of Sonichu characters#Dr. Bill Schwartz (Bill the Scientist)|Bill Schwartz]] (possibly Jewish, worked for [[Giovanni]] but later on changed sides)
*[[List of Sonichu characters#Ching Chong|Ching Chong]] (Asian, appeared in the [[Wedding Comic]] as a flower girl)
*PHI Spring Break reporter (Black, appears in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]) - despite only appearing in one panel, Chris manages to make her into a stereotype, addressing the audience as "Sistas and brothas."

In the [[Mailbag]], when Chris is confronted about the lack of minorities in his comic he claims that all of his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are considered "minorities" in CWCville, implying that he completely missed the point of the question.

==Sources==
<references/>
{{Chris and}}

Sarah Nicole Hammer

2012-05-17T23:51:36Z

Irtr Mrae: /* She got hot */ nothing incorrect about that, someone should Read More Books

[[Image:0715-ChristianWSarahcropped.jpg|thumb|150px|Chris & Sarah]]

{{quote|Sarah is Christian's Life-Long Best Friend. She is a spunky gal, and she is very pretty. One may say that she is the spitting image of Britney Spears.|[[:Image:298-ACSarahBck.jpg|Animal Crossing card]] describing Sarah Hammer; who looks nothing like [[Britney Spears]]}}

'''Sarah Nicole Hammer''' (born 13 October [[1982]]<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#The Story|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 1</ref>) was the [[Wikipedia:Girl next door|girl next door]]<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992]]</ref> for [[Chris]] from age 2 until around age 10, when he moved away, whom he apparently considered his closest friend. Chris met Sarah again when he entered [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] when he came back to the county after finishing [[Manchester High School]]. Although by [[2005]] Chris had come to regard Sarah as his best and closest friend however, Chris seems to suggest that he hasn't had much contact with her as compared to his childhood.

As far as can be told, Chris has had no contact with Sarah since he came into [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|the spotlight]], and unlike [[Megan]] there aren't any [[Mimms|trolls]] who know her IRL capable of updating us on her status. There's no evidence to suggest that Sarah has even seen the comics, or has any opinion on them.

==Sarah Hammer in real life==
[[Image:SarahHammerPortrait.jpg|thumb|right|Like anything that looks good in real life, Chris ruins it by drawing it.]]
===Childhood===
{{quote|She brought me a lot out of my [[autism|autistic]] social shell for the time back then.|[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#His Early Years - Birth to 1992|Wikipedia autobiography]]}}

Chris continues to cherish many important memories with Sarah, such as riding swing sets and playing "hide and [[Comeuppance|seed]]." Once, Sarah tried to teach Chris to [[Wikipedia:Roller skating|roller-skate]], but Chris fell down and gave up, showing that Chris has no sense of coordination, balance, or dedication.

It is not entirely known if Sarah actually cared about Chris. In [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], Chris recounts a story in which Sarah told Chris that Casper the friendly ghost was hiding under the house. Chris, being as [[Autism|childish]] as he's always known to be, fell for it and went to search for him. When Chris entered the crawlspace, Sarah locked him in and left. Eventually, Sarah's father had to come and get him out.

Sarah also tried to convince Chris to put a honeysuckle in his mouth. Specifically the tip, which is poisonous. Chris almost fell for this one, but his parents caught him and warned him of its dangers. And you know what they say: a girl that tries to kill you isn't really your friend.

Sarah and Chris were the same age and may have attended the same elementary school, but Chris moved to [[Richmond]] to attend middle school. For most normal people this would probably be the end of the relationship.

Chris has suggested that he did not originally view Sarah as a potential [[sweetheart]]; this decision apparently came later, most likely due to autism and a sheltered upbringing.

===She got hot===
Between [[2000]] and [[2003]] Sarah grew up and shed her old image, and became so attractive to Chris that he later called her "a spittin' image of [[Britney Spears]]."<ref>[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Over the Years|Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]], page 9</ref> Normally, people don't find childhood friends to be sexually attractive due to the [[wikipedia:Westermarck Effect|Westermarck Effect]], so either Chris just feels no such effect and would gladly bone a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|sister]] figure, or they didn't know each other well enough as kids for it to take effect. Most likely the latter. The fact that he thinks she looks like Britney Spears is probably just because she has boobs and long blonde hair. She actually looks nothing like Britney Spears and has a completely different face shape, but Chris is notorious for his poor facial recognition skills anyway. This is the man who had to stare at himself in a mirror for hours to remember what ''he'' actually looked like after all.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_24</ref>

===With Wes Iseli===
By Chris's admission, he hadn't had much contact with Sarah after he moved to Richmond, although at some point he apparently concluded that they were destined to be lovers. The revelation that Sarah was dating local magician/heart-throb [[Wes Iseli]] was clearly traumatic for Chris. On one occasion Chris saw Sarah sitting in Wes's lap, which made Chris visibly jealous; this incident was important enough (to Chris, anyway) to document in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]]. A similar freak out occurred when Chris saw Megan sitting on the lap of one of her male friends around the time he was discovered by [[4chan|/v/]], and he still gets insanely jealous whenever he sees a girl sitting on the lap of any other man, likely because it reminds him of the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]].<ref>[[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Chris is scared of some fanart]]</ref>

Chris regards losing Sarah to Wes as one of the two reasons he launched his [[Love Quest]]. Although this event technically changed nothing—Chris had never had a girlfriend and still did not—it spurned him to action, giving him a reason to actively seek out and obtain a [[Boyfriend-free girl]].

The lyrics of Christian's song "[[BFF's (Best Friends Forever)]]" seem to be addressing Sarah, with Chris conceding the impossibility of romantic love and seeking greater fulfillment in a [[friend zone|closer platonic friendship]]. His comparison of "your boyfriend" (presumably Wes) to [[Black Sonichu]] recast himself and the couple into the hero-lover-rival ''troika'' that he developed for [[Sonichu]], and then further refined by featuring Wes as [[Wes-Li Sonichu|an evil hedgehog]] in his own right. Thankfully, Wes's career proved resilient enough to survive the trauma.

To this day, there exist no records of what Sarah's reaction to any of this insanity was, not even in Chris's recounting of the events.

===With William Spicer===
At some point Chris learned that Sarah broke up with Wes and then subsequently met another man, [[William Spicer]], whom she eventually married. The ups and downs of how Chris took this news are captured in how the fictional Chris reacted in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] after Sarah tells him, and in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu #5'']] when Chris made a comic adaptation of her wedding. Chris knew so little about Spicer, probably having never met him, that in the comic he decided to depict the groom as a [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] character so that he wouldn't have to draw the actual person. If the comic is anything to go by, Chris did not attend the wedding in real life, but quietly accepted Sarah's decision anyway. William Spicer was spared the fate of being made into a one dimensional Sonichu villain like his predecessor was however, though not because Wes had done wrong while William had not, but rather because Wes was unlucky enough to have dated Sarah while Chris was interested in her, while by the time William was marrying her, Chris had already moved on to [[Megan]].

==Sarah in the comic==
Christian first hints at Sarah's involvement in the Sonichu comics in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu #0'']], where he alludes to three mysterious electric hedgehogs: [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]], [[Wes-Li Sonichu]], and Saramah Rosechu. This is the closest Chris can come to a slow-building long-term mystery, so of course he [[comeuppance|blows his wad]] right away, introducing the revealing the identities of at least two of these characters a few pages afterwards in the [[Classic Sonichu Strips]].

===Sarah Hammer/Nicole Rammer===
[[Image:Sarah hammer reimagined.png|thumb|left|Artist's impression of Sarah Hammer and the Lightning Bracelets.]]

After Chris activated the anchuent powers foretold by the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], Sarah had a vision of the ancient queen of the [[Cherokian Clan]], who explained her role in the prophecy and gave her the Lightning Bracelets. Using the bracelets Sarah could transform into Saramah Rosechu, whose role in the prophecy would be to maintain the balance between Chris-Chan and Wes-Li.

When Sarah discovered these two hedgehogs, they were already locked in battle. Although at first she didn't know who Chris-Chan and Wes-Li were, Saramah quickly learned that the hedgehogs were also her old friend Christian and her recent boyfriend [[Wes Iseli]]. Forced to choose between these two men, Saramah [[Chris and his Ego|remembered who was writing the comic]], so she impaled Wes-Li against a tree and broke up with him, citing his cruelty toward Christian. Saramah actually spent more time dressing down Wes than she did battling [[Count Graduon]], the evil she and the others were prognosticated to defeat.

With Wes quickly departing, Chris and Sarah returned to their human forms and caught up on old times. Chris believed he now had an easy path to becoming Sarah's [[sweetheart]], but unfortunately for him she was already interested in another man, [[William Spicer]].

Though Sarah technically did not appear again until [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu #5'']], she did appear in one of the Classic Sonichu Strips from [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu #0'']]. The one which she appeared in was reprinted in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu #4'']] and established as having taken place a few weeks before the events of Sub-Episode 7.

Later, in ''Sonichu #5'', Chris would invisibly attend Sarah's wedding to William Spicer, being on-hand for Wes-Li's attempt to kidnap her. Using his Chris-Chan Sonichu powers and [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] cards, Chris rescued Sarah, who then rewarded him by tossing him the bouquet and wished him luck in his pursuit of [[Megan]]. In spite of this issue being based around Sarah's wedding and being intended as a sendoff to her character, she did remarkably little in this story, just [[Women's rights|filling the role of the kidnapped princess]].

Sarah was not seen in the comic for a long time afterwards, but she did appear again in [[Sonichu Special 2]], also known as the Wedding Comic. In this comic, she attends Chris's ill fated marriage to [[Ivy]], dressing [[Tomgirl|in drag]] and acting as the best man, since Chris doesn't actually have any friends other than her who could fill that role other than [[Sonichu|fictional characters]] or possibly [[Bob Chandler|his father]]. One can't shake the feeling that he'd probably ask Sarah to do this in a real life wedding too.

Thanks to the efforts of [[Nintendo]] lawyer [[Jay Z]] during the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Sarah later became one of many characters who had their names [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] in the story, due to being based on real life people. As such, in the [[Sonichu Videobooks]], Sarah Hammer instead became Nicole [[Dildo|Rammer]]. "Nicole," because that's her middle name, and "Rammer" because he's a fucking moron.

===Saramah Rosechu===
[[Image:076-IlluminatingSarahama.jpg|thumb|Not creepy at all.]]

{{quote|Sarhamah's [sic] origin is unknown but her radiance shines brighter than the sun. When she shoots her arrows, they fly like lightning bolts. She is also known as a peaceful protector. And she is lovely, [[Angelica|angelic]], and simply irresistible.|[[:Image:301-ACSarhamahBck.jpg|Sarhamah Rosechu Animal Crossing card]].}}

Most, if not all of Sarah's appearances in Chris's comics are in the form of Saramah [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]], using the powers bestowed upon her by the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] to transform into a furry. She has no actual personality beyond asserting her deep, abiding friendship with Christian, which again suggests that he knows nothing about this person except what he likes to think she feels about him. Sarah is able to activate this form through use of the Lightning Bracelets, which act as her own equivalent to Chris's [[Sonichu Medallion]] or Wes Iseli's Fireshock Pendant.

Prior to the retcon, Saramah Rosechu was a much more sensible name for Sarah's Sonichu form, even if still slightly weird. Since the change however, new readers of the comic who are not aware of the background of the character are just left baffled by the strange notion that a woman named "Nicole" transforms into a hedgehog and is then named "Sarah" for some reason.

Due to her lack of a large role in the comics, Saramah Rosechu doesn't have many powers compared to the other two chosen ones of the prophecy. While Chris and Wes both use weird [[Pokémon]] related attacks or [[Yu-Gi-Oh!]] cards to fight, aside from the retarded Team Blast attack ripped off from ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic Heroes]]'', Sarah is only ever seen using her bow and arrow to fight with. Both the bow and arrow are lightning bolt shaped. They may or may not be literally made of electricity. [[Chris and art|It's hard to tell with Chris's art.]]

===Queen of the Cherokian Clan===
[[Image:Queen_of_the_Cherokian_Clan.PNG|thumb|left|100px|The only picture of her to this date.]]

Wife of the [[ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]], and the [[Cherokian Clan]]'s queen.

Little is established about the queen except that she was the object of a rivalry between her husband and his [[Wasabi Rival]]. She would be reincarnated as [[Sarah Hammer]], about whom we know little except that she was the object of a "rivalry" between [[Christian Weston Chandler]] and [[Wes Iseli]]. This is a good example of how Chris's female characters exist only to motivate his male ones and/or be fap material. The [[Anchuent Prophecy]] caused Sarah to learn of her past life and thereby gain the powers of [[Saramah Rosechu]], which she was tutored in using by a vision of the Queen.

The queen hasn't shown up since that single appearance, and considering that Sarah/Saramah has been absent from the comic since getting married in ''Sonichu #5'' save for her brief cameo at Chris's wedding, it's highly unlikely she'll ever show up again.

Oddly enough, of the three ancestors, she is the only one who actually looks something like a Native American; although she's still blonde and blue-eyed, she's wearing a dress that could be made of deerskin, which is the stereotypical way of dressing Native ladies in works of fiction. At least Chris got that part right.

{{-}}

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
File:053-SongsBetweenFriendsCD.jpg|A CD for Sarah
Image:297-ACSarah.jpg|"Sarah Hammer" [[Animal Crossing]] Card.
Image:298-ACSarahBck.jpg|Sarah Hammer card back.
Image:300-ACSarhamah.jpg|"Saramah" Animal Crossing Card.
Image:301-ACSarhamahBck.jpg|Saramah card back.
Image:299-SarahHammer.jpg|Picture of human Sarah.
Image:303-Sarhamah.jpg|Picture of furfag Sarah.
Image:302-YuSahramah.jpg|Saramah Rosechu ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card.
Image:304-LightningBracelets.jpg|Lightning Bracelets ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card.
</gallery>
</center>

== Sources ==
<references />

==See also==
*[[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu #2'']]
*[[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu #5'']]
*[[Chris-Chan Sonichu]]
*[[Wes Iseli]]
*[[Cherokian Clan]]
*[[Anchuent Prophecy]]
*[[Megan Schroeder]]

{{Sweethearts}}
{{People}}
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Gal pals]]
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]

Imaginary family

2012-04-29T21:20:08Z

Irtr Mrae: /* Name */ no, no, no. Chris is saying "you replace the CRISTLE [sic] spelling with my spelling, -AL". He spelled the drink wrong, unsurprisingly, and forgot about the I-Y due to Chris-tardedness.

:''This article is about Chris's stupid imaginary daughter. For Chris's stupid imaginary twin sister, see [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)]].''

{{quote|As for where I see myself, I am uncertain career-wise, but [[Dreams|I HAVE A DREAM]]! And that dream is to find the woman to make my Sweetheart from honest, true friendship, make her my wife, and from us, have a daughter named Crystal Weston Chandler. I've had a number of dreams where I take care of and tend to the needs of my baby, Crystal. And from all those dreams, I knew they were God's wishes for my future.|Chris, presuming to know the wishes of GodBear<ref>[[Regina e-mails]]</ref>}}

[[Image:09-Crystal_Card.jpg|thumb|Crystal as a [[My Little Pony]] character]]
[[Image:CrystalWestonChandler.jpg|thumb|Artist's impression. This is probably also Chris's impression. It is also the impression that no one ever wants to see become a reality.]]

Around the age of [[2003|21]], [[Chris]] had multiple [[dreams]] in which [[Chris and religion|God and Jesus]] told him to find a [[sweetheart]] to build [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up|from the ground up]] to have his '''daughter Crystal''', named "after the illustrious metal"<ref>[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]</ref>, according to him. In a custom ''[[My Little Pony]]'' trading card, Chris depicts Crystal as a pony who traveled back in time to help her father - Chris - find a [[boyfriend-free girl]]. This is [[Things Chris has ripped off|completely ripped off]] from Chibiusa's entire premise in ''[[Sailor Moon]]'', and also Baby's premise from the ''[[Wikipedia:Super Monkey Ball|Super Monkey Ball]]'' games, although whether Chris knows about ripping this off as well remains to be seen.

Early justifications for Chris's [[Love Quest]] stemmed from his desire to find a woman who would birth his child, but in recent events, Chris seems to be more [[honest]] in wanting a girlfriend so he can [[Fuck Quest|get laid]] or prove he's straight. When Julie expressed that she would like a child, possibly with Chris, Chris said that he "wasn't sure about having a child," but he would still like a threesome between Panda, Julie and him; this subject had been broached before, and Julie seemed uncomfortable with the idea.<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 3#2009-02-04]]</ref>

In a conversation with Chris's ex-[[gal-pal]] [[Father Call|Kacey's dad]], Chris revealed that he had the "[[Godjesus|prophetic]]" dream about Crystal when he was between the ages of seven and nine. He reiterates this later, saying he was "definitely in elementary school," when he dreamed about giving birth to a daughter (in the dream he had an office job, which also [[Resume|won't happen]]). "Give birth" slipped out, as in Chris would like to gestate a human female infant within his body (or perhaps [[Monty Python|in a box]]) and somehow deliver her into the world.

While it's most likely that Chris just fucked up while talking due to [[stress]] and [[autism]], this could also be a Freudian slip suggesting that Chris has some [[Homos|gender]][[Pregnant_Act| identity]] [[tomgirl|issues]], which typically begin in childhood. It's also somewhat possible that he doesn't know that the mother is the only one who gives birth, seeing how he [[Chris and English|uses it in other contexts]].

Crystal was featured in Lego form in the [[PlayingHouse]] video. This time it was [[Jackie]] as the vessel for which Chris' gift from God was bestowed. Despite only being in preschool, she's advanced enough to keep a diary and look after her baby brother [[Reginald Chandler|Reginald]].

==Name==

Her name is identical to that of [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Chris's sister]] from the comics, leading to some confusion.

It is unclear which spelling he was projecting for his future daughter (although he used "Crystal" in a [[Facebook]] message<ref>[[Facebook messages#Christy Backe]]</ref> and the infamous "Story of My Current Days"<ref>[[Story of My Current Days]]</ref>). In the comics he spells his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|stupid fake sister]]'s name "Crystal" consistently, although something called "Crystle" appears in the [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway|''Mario Kart 64'' Lego Raceway]].

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Chandler (extended family)]]
*[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)]]
*[[Reginald Chandler]]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Crystal Weston}}
[[Category:Imaginary Family Members]]

List of phrases Chris copied from media

2012-04-29T03:16:23Z

Irtr Mrae: /* Excel Saga */ "salty" works regardless of context, e.g. "a salty sailor"

It is no secret that Chris spends a [[Chris and health|healthy]] portion of his day watching Television shows. His preferences become apparent not only because he will constantly force you to listen to him talk about them, but also because Chris, in his infinite [[Chris and copyright|originality]], likes to take phrases and sentences from shows and use them word by word in his everyday [[Chris and English|speech]]. This article attempts to list all of these occurrences, especially those he has used repeatedly.

==Seth MacFarlane shows==

[[Wikipedia:Seth MacFarlane|Seth MacFarlane]] is the creator of the animated comedies ''[[Family Guy]]'', ''[[The Cleveland Show]]'' and ''American Dad!''

;Blocky low resolution
<blockquote>
*Source: When referring to ''Asperchu'' 's inferiority, e.g. [[Mailbag 41]], [[Mailbag 42|42]], [[Mailbag 43|43]] and [[Mailbag 45|45]] 
*Origin: ''Family Guy'': "[[Wikipedia:Road to the Multiverse|Road to the Multiverse]]"
</blockquote>

;Grinds my gears
<blockquote>
*Source: The [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality CWCipedia page on homosexuality], [[Mailbag 2]] 
*Origin: ''Family Guy'''s "[[Wikipedia:Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story|Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story]]" episode: Peter gets his own segment, "You Know What Really Grinds My Gears?", talking about things that annoy him, or "grind [his] gears" 
</blockquote>

;Insert rod "A" into slot "B"
<blockquote>
*Source: [[Sonichu 8]], Page 1
*Origin: The line was originally said in the ''Family Guy'' episode "[[Wikipedia:Emission Impossible|Emission Impossible]]", when Peter is making a crib for the other baby he and Lois expect to have. Brian, reading the instructions, says, "Insert rod 'A' into slot 'B'." Peter responds by saying "That's what she sa-" and is then cut off by Brian saying, "If you say 'That's what she said' one more time, I'm 'gonna pop you."
</blockquote>

;iPods down and listen up
<blockquote>
*Source: ''Family Guy's'' [[Wikipedia:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prick_Up_Your_Ears_%28Family_Guy%29|Prick Up Your Ears]].
*Origin: The principle of the high school says this phrase. Also, Chris yelling "IN DA EAAAAYUR!" was taken from one of Lois' lines in the episode.
</blockquote>

;iRitz
<blockquote>
*Source: [[Mailbag 51]]
*Origin: ''The Cleveland Show'': "[[Wikipedia:Love Rollercoaster|Love Rollercoaster]]" - A joke in which Cleveland is Steve Jobs and invents the edible cellphone, the iRitz.
</blockquote>

;George Washington Carver finding over 300 uses for peanuts (but not peanut butter)
<blockquote>
*Source: [[Mailbag 53]]
*Origin: ''American Dad!'': "[[Wikipedia:Black Mystery Month|Black Mystery Month]]" - The episode centered around an attempt to disprove [[Wikipedia:George Washington Carver|George Washington Carver]] as the inventor of peanut butter, and this quote ends the episode. It is likely from context this is his only experience with [[Niggos|Black]] History Month
</blockquote>

;Dork of Ages
<blockquote>
*Source: [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)]]
*Origin: ''American Dad!'': "[[Wikipedia:Dungeons and Wagons|Dungeons and Wagons]]" - A nickname that Hayley uses to refer to Steve, when playing "Dragon Scuffle".
</blockquote>

==''[[Wikipedia:Rocko's Modern Life|Rocko's Modern Life]]''==
;Bad luck and extreme misfortune
<blockquote>
*Source: Describing the effects of the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] 
*Origin: "Fortune Cookie": Filburt's fortune cookie reads "Bad luck and extreme misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity" 
</blockquote>

==Dragonball==
;Kamehameha
<blockquote>
*Source: [[Parody|The inspiration]] for Chris's finishing move, the [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] 
*Origin: It's the most famous attack from DragonBall Z 
</blockquote>

==''[[Excel Saga]]''==
;I'm much saltier now
<blockquote>
*Source: Chris likes to say this to say that he's less [[naive]] about sex than he was in high school thanks to porn. 
*Origin: Something Excel says to comment on her training. 
</blockquote>

==''[[South Park]]''==
;Breakin' my balls
<blockquote>
*Source: Said about something that gives him a lot of [[stress]]. (This is actually a common phrase, but knowing Chris and his track record of [[Things Chris has ripped off|plagiarism]], he more than likely stole it from ''South Park''.)
*Origin: "[[Wikipedia:Kenny Dies|Kenny Dies]]": Cartman tries to start a business selling aborted fetuses to stem cell research laboratories. When making deals over the phone, he says "Ugh, you're breakin' my balls man. Got 'em in a vice grip, here." 
</blockquote>

;Shove your ass down your throat and make you eat your underwear
<blockquote>
*Source: Threatened [[Clyde Cash]] with this line in the video [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!]]. 
*Origin: "[[Wikipedia:The Breast Cancer Show Ever|The Breast Cancer Show Ever]]": Wendy challenges Cartman to a fight after the latter makes an extremely tasteless breast cancer joke. Cartman, not wanting to fight, tries to talk her out of it, but refuses to apologize for the joke publicly, prompting Wendy to threaten him with this line.
</blockquote>

==[[Transformers]]==
;One shall stand, one shall fall.
<blockquote>
*Source: Used in a speech he gave to Clyde Cash during the infamous [[IRC (20 January 2009)|20 January 2009 IRC chat]], where Chris revealed that he had several pairs of [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS]].
*Origin: [[Optimus Prime]] has said this phrase several times to Megatron in the television series, as well as the Transformers movie from 2007.
</blockquote>

[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]

28 October 2011

2012-04-28T19:15:53Z

Irtr Mrae: /* Email? */ what kind of fucking nonce doesn't know how to copy-paste this kind of stuff? some of you people are dumber than Chris

{{clear}}
[[File:GuiltyInnocense.jpg|thumb|[[TRUE and HONEST]] artist's depiction.]]
On '''28 October 2011''' - a date which will live in infamy - [[The GAMe PLACe]] was suddenly and deliberately attacked by forces of the City of [[CWCville]].

On that fateful Friday evening, around 5:20 p.m.<ref>Based on metadata from Chris's photos</ref>, [[Chris]] and [[Barbara]] visited the GAMe PLACe and had an altercation with its [[manajerks|manager]], [[Michael Snyder]]. Chris took several photos of Michael on that day, and uploaded them to the [[CWCki]] in November. A bit of a delay, but it turns out, he and Barb had been [[jerkop|arrested]] and jailed for various offenses (trespassing, assault, and hit & run). Now both have been charged with a Class 5 Felony, which implies "a '''term of imprisonment of not less than one year''' nor more than 10 years, and [...] a fine of not more than $2,500."<ref>http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/18.2-10.HTM</ref>

Both Chris and Barb were bonded out on 29 October<ref>https://www.vinelink.com/vinelink/detailsAction.do?siteId=47000&agency=228&id=323013&searchType=offender</ref><ref>https://www.vinelink.com/vinelink/detailsAction.do?siteId=47000&agency=228&id=125674&searchType=offender</ref>, with Chris's initial hearing being a week later than Barb's - possibly owing to the extra charge against him. It may also allow for additional information to be gathered about on his record of dealings with Michael Snyder and the GAMe PLACe, and also to consider any [[autism|medical grounds]] that may affect the outcome of any court proceedings against Chris. The Chandlers will be represented in court by [[Wikipedia:Robert B. Bell|Rob Bell]], a Republican member of the Virginia House of Delegates.

This is the first major event that has come to light since the death of [[Bob Chandler]] on 6 [[September 2011]].

== The charges ==
Below are the charges brought against both Barbara and Chris, along with details and court dates based on the details from the [http://epwsgdp1.courts.state.va.us/gdcourts/captchaVerification.do?landing=landing General District Court Online Case Information System] & [http://wasdmz2.courts.state.va.us/CJISWeb/circuit.html Charlottesville City Circuit Online Case Information]. At present we do not have a full account of what happened during the incident and under what circumstances the charges were brought against the pair. However, based on at least one previous incident in [[June 2010]], we can assume a rough outline of events.

===Barbara's===
* '''FAIL STOP ACCIDENT > $1000 FEL''' (§ 46.2-894. Duty of driver to stop, etc., in event of accident involving injury or death or damage to attended property; penalty.<ref name="a">http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+46.2-894</ref>)
** Class 5 Felony charge - Failing to stop after an accident where the damage exceeds $1,000 in value, thought to be vehicular damage on the grounds of The GAMe PLACe parking lot.
* '''ASSLT: ON LAW ENF/DOC PERSON''' (§ 18.2-57. Assault and battery.<ref name="b">http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+18.2-57</ref>)
** Class 6 Felony charge - Assaulting a law enforcement official. It's likely that this occurred when Barb attempted to prevent the police from arresting Chris.

==== Court dates ====
* 31 October 2011 - Appeared in court to be formally charged.
* 15 December 2011 - 1:00pm - Judge Robert Downer Jr. granted a continuance for both Chris and Barb's charges.
* 5 January 2012 - 1:00pm - Yet another continuance.
* 5 April 2012 - 1:00pm - Another hearing. Both felonies go to a grand jury at Circuit Court.
* 16 April 2012 - 9:30am - Indicted on both felony charges.
* 10 July 2012 - 2:00pm - Arraignment.

===Chris's===
* '''FAIL STOP ACCIDENT > $1000 FEL''' (§ 46.2-894. Duty of driver to stop, etc., in event of accident involving injury or death or damage to attended property; penalty.<ref name="a" />)
** Class 5 Felony charge - Failing to stop after an accident where the damage exceeds $1,000 in value, thought to be vehicular damage on the grounds of The GAMe PLACe parking lot.
* '''ASSAULT: (MISDEMEANOR)''' (§ 18.2-57. Assault and battery.<ref name="b" />)
** Class 1 Misdemeanor charge - Attempted or actual assault against another person, perhaps [[Michael Snyder|Snyder]].
* '''TRESPASS AFTER FORBIDDEN''' (§ 18.2-119. Trespass after having been forbidden to do so; penalties.<ref>http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+18.2-119</ref>)
** Class 1 Misdemeanor charge - Trespassing on land or within an area from which the offender is forbidden, no doubt due to setting foot in The GAMe PLACe.

==== Court dates ====
* 7 November 2011 - Appeared in court to be formally charged.
* 15 December 2011 - 1:00pm - Judge Robert Downer Jr. granted a continuance (postponement) for both Chris and Barb's charges.
* 5 January 2012 - 1:00pm - Yet another continuance.
* 5 April 2012 - 1:00pm - Another hearing. [[Wikipedia:Nolle prosequi|Nolle prosequi]] on the trespass and assault; the failure to stop goes to Circuit Court.
* 16 April 2012 - 9:30am - Indicted on the felony charge.
* 10 July 2012 - 2:00pm - Arraignment.

== Civil suit ==
Michael Snyder also filled a civil suit against both Chris and Barb on 1 November 2011, 4 days after the incident.
The reason for the lawsuit and what damages are being sought is currently unknown besides that it is related to the 28 October event. Barb attended a second hearing on 14 November, a third took place on 15 December, at the same time as her criminal case hearing, and a fourth occurred on 5 January at 1:00 PM.

Chris' case at one point read 'Other Judgement', however, it appears to have been open again. Presumably, Chris appeared again in court on 5 January 2012 at 2:15 PM, shortly after his criminal hearing.

Before the court hearing, Michael Snyder requested and received a Preliminary Protective Order against both Chris and Barbara. This order is similar to a restraining order, and prohibits Chris or Barb from contacting Michael or engaging in any threatening behavior towards him before the hearing. The order lasts for 15 days.<ref>http://www.dcjs.virginia.gov/victims/documents/podomesticviolence.pdf</ref>

On 5 April, Snyder was awarded full Protection Orders against both Chris and Barbara. A Protection Order can last up to two years and violation of the Protection Order can result in both civil and criminal charges.

== Aftermath ==
[[File:Card.PNG|thumb|Chris's only chance.]]

On 4 November, soon after being bailed out of jail, Chris uploaded the pictures he took of Michael Snyder on the 28th to the CWCki, plastering them on the front page as well as Michael's own article, with Chris presumably doing it as a response to the events at The GAMe PLACe.<ref>[[Special:Contributions/Christianchandler]]</ref> In the respective image descriptions, Chris taunted Snyder for his [[obesity]] and claimed that he molests children.

In the February Facebook leaks, Chris stated 'After October 28, 2011; I now have TOTAL Disrespect and Miscontent of the soo-called "Officers of the Badge"' as opposed only to those in colors other than blue and black. He also produced 50 copies of a flyer calling the Game Place a "Cyber bullies' hang-out" and encouraging people to stay far away which he then left around his usual attraction locations. This led to another run in with [[Jerkops]], in which Chris escaped by "hiding and weaving around the parked cars" and by driving a Mistubishi as opposed to [[Son-Chu]].

==Email?==
Someone purporting to be in contact with Chris leaked an email, supposedly from the manbaby himself, shedding some light on the events of October 28. While the validity of the email is disputed, [[Surfshack Tito]] confirmed on [[/cwc/]] that the events of October 28 are basically the same as that described in the email.

<blockquote>
I tell about us two landing in jail. During a usual, yettiring, shopping outting with my mother, we had just stopped at the Salvation Army story on Cherry Ave and left with a few purchases. She impulsively asked
to go to the SPCA Rummage Sale, and I ended up taking 4 St. NW to stop by the McDonalds there for a cup of tea to go, when at the PLACe, now known as "C-Ville Game & Hobby" (status unchanged on the PLACe website), mom and I read the sign on the window that led me to an occurrence I was waiting for, the PLACe under New Ownership (with burning it down being the alternative).
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
So, I continue ahead for the tea, and mom asked for a smoothie. On an impulse of the newfound piece of freedom, I drove back to the PLACe, upon closer inspection, I read the "New Owner" sign further, stating, "Under New Ownership of Mike & Madeline"; I had thought, perhaps it was another Mike. Mom insisted on coming in with me, so we did, and a few steps in, who did our eyes see in the new center counter, past employee Nathan, and Michael Snyder.
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
I hid behind my mother for a moment, and Mike pointed us out the door, but before leaving, I whipped out my 3DS, activated its camera and took his photo, then I shouted, "For the Internet". Mom and I made our way to the van and entered it; Mike followed us out, and Stood right in front of the van, thinking he was Stonewall Jackson. We backed up the van some; Mike chased us. Mom took the wheel; Mike twice made his own deliberate leg scars, rubbing his legs on our bumper, banged our hood and fell backwards; we had NOT moved our van at either instance of him faking his falls.
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
And more shit happened. Mom called 911 on my phone first (followed shortly after by Mike being handed a phone by someone else for him to make his call. Eventually, mother backed us out onto 4 St. NW, northward, and we escaped. But at the traffic light, we were caught up by a cop car. Parked at the nearby courthouse, two of the cop cars, and us in the van, exchanged the tales of the event and our driver licenses. Eventually, I was asked to step out of the van; I was about to be handcuffed, but I would not have another handcuffing, so I fought, I was pinned, and I was handcuffed.
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
My NEW pair of $324 Rx lens glasses were broken by THEM in the fight. My mother fought the police in my defense, and she was handcuffed and I was emotionally distraught, I screamed and Screamed and SCREAMED, until an ambulance came for my mother to take her to UVA Hospital; she was okay, but her Blood Pressure was high. I was driven to, entered and thrown into a cell block. At first for a while, I was as melodramatic and sane as Daria, then I started going crazy, I shouted television talk and songs at random; took off my shirt due to the heat; pretended to be a genie with light brown hair for a while, and made an acquaintance with the stainless steel sink with a hex-shaped bowl.
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
I prayed a LOT to Jesus for my release and safe return home with my mother. And I banged the cell door with both my feet while lying on a folding mattress on the floor (to get those bastards to let me see and talk to my mother Eventually, my mother arrived, tried to post bail, but there were errors. Rocky was called to help us, BLESS her and her husband soo much. Then my mother was jumpsuited and jailed; I was too shortly before. And I was moved to two other cells. Only after seeing my mother in her suit pass by my second cell, did I start to calm down. I was REALLY WORRIED about my mother and her health. She Needed Me, and I Needed Her. Eventually in cell 3, I dozed off and slept for a few hours. I did not eat their food; I had Never eaten Prison Food, and I was NOT going to start then. About 3 PM on the 29th, mom and I were released, and Rocky and her husband drove us back to our van.
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
Now mom and I each have our own courthouse dates. I'm sure mom will be only fined, but I have the worse of cases. Mom and I, we are certain I will be found not guilty; it was a case of a Deliberate Deception, with the "New Ownership" sign from Michael, and my falling for his trap. I later printed out the facts of Mike from the Cwcki that night, and I found the "CWC Michael Snyder Interview" video on YouTube, where the clown-faced troll called Mike; Michael Snyder CONFESSES to Wanting to lure me in and land me in jail with a "Pokemon Tournament on the 22nd".
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
I have streamed from my PS3 to my Laptop to get an MP4 of the video, and to burn the video onto a DVD-R. With this great amount of evidence, we will find Michael Guilty of being a Troll/Cyber Bully among those who have been pestering, deceiving, tricking, blackmailing, etc, me for about 4 years now.
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
That's the story I share with you, REDACTED, in Strictest Confidence; DO NOT TELL ANYONE, PLEASE. Do not ask; Do not tell; Barbara and I are working diligently to deal with this. Currently, her court date is set on 12/15; mine is yet to be determined on 11/7, but it'll probably be on the same day as my mother's.
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
We have also been blessed with connections from Rocky at my church to have Robert B. Bell, Delegate, Republican, Methodist Esquire to represent Barbara and me in both of our cases. It may help to have you come in for support on my trial, and as a character witness. I will send you an update later on.</blockquote>
<blockquote>Stay Safe, REDACTED,</blockquote>
<blockquote>Christian W. Chandler<ref>http://pastebin.com/Tm9EMppU</ref></blockquote>

Particularly telling is Chris stating that Michael Snyder wanted to lure him in with an announcement of a "Pokemon tournament on the 22nd", despite Michael himself saying [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azjF90Q7JFA in this video] ''(that Chris himself used as proof)'' that he ''really'' hoped that Chris didn't show up.

== Photos ==
<gallery>
File:HNI 0020.JPG|Chris's photo of The GAMe PLACe; note that everyone is looking at the camera
File:HNI 0021.JPG|Chris's photograph of Michael Snyder
File:HNI 0022.JPG|Chris's second photograph of Michael Snyder
File:28 Oct 2011 Barb1.png|Barb's failure to stop felony charge
File:28 Oct 2011 Barb2.png|Barb's felony assault on a police officer charge
File:28 Oct 2011 Chris1.png|Chris's failure to stop felony charge
File:28 Oct 2011 Chris2.png|Chris's misdemeanor assault charge
File:28 Oct 2011 Chris3.png|Chris's trespass misdemeanor charge
File:Chriscivil29.png|Michael Snyder's civil suit against Chris
File:Barbcivil29.png|Michael Snyder's civil suit against Barbara
File:PO-BARB.png|Michael Snyder's protection order against Barb.
File:PO-CHRIS.png|Michael Snyder's protection order against Chris.
</gallery>

==Fan Art ==
<gallery>
File:Chris mug.jpg|Artist's depiction of Chris's mugshot.
File:Chris joker.jpg| Why so serious?
File:TheJoker.png|Oh dear...
File:Chris court sketch.png| An artist provides a theoretical court sketch.
File:RAPSHT-P1.jpg| An artist compiled Chris's crimes onto a rap sheet. (Page 1/2)
File:RAPSHT-P2.jpg| An artist compiled Chris's crimes onto a rap sheet. (Page 2/2)
</gallery>

==References==
<references />

== See also ==
*[[6 June 2010]]
*[[Chris and the Law]]

[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:The GAMe PLACe]]

Bob Chandler

2012-04-22T06:05:13Z

Irtr Mrae: /* Obituary */ it's not really unusual unless you fail reading comprehension - according to the obit, without the machine that Bob did invent, it'd be impossible to mass-produce plastic funnels

: ''"Bob" redirects here. For the troll occasionally known as Bob, see [[Robert Simmons V]].''
{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|It was an interesting life I had.|Bob, at peace.}}
{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Chandler family
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Chrischansdad.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Bob Chandler
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.
|-
| '''Nicknames'''
| [[Bob Walks In|Internet Lumberjack]]
[[Cole|[That fuck] Bob]]
|-
| '''Born'''
| 4 September [[Pre-1980#1920s|1927]]
|-
| '''Died'''
| 6 September [[2011]] (aged 84)
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Male
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| White (1/4th [[Cherokee]]<ref name="About">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>)
|-
| '''Marriage'''
| Patricia (c.1960-????) 
[[Barb]] (1980-2011)
|-
| '''Issue'''
| Dr. David Alan Chandler 
Carol Suzanne Chandler 
[[Christian Weston Chandler]]
|-
| '''Parents'''
| Robert Franklin Chandler Sr. (father) Jean Holloman (mother)
|-
| '''Education'''
| Auburn University (engineering)
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
| Military communications, engineer
|-
|}
'''Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (4 September [[Pre-1980#1920s|1927]]- 6 September [[2011]] <ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html#P155</ref>) was the father of [[Christian Weston Chandler]], [[Carol Chandler]] and [[David Alan Chandler]], and husband of [[Barbara Weston Chandler]]. Bob became a firm favorite with [[trolls]] due to Chris's intense dislike of him and Bob's infamous cameo when he walked in on Chris [[mass debating]].<ref>[[Bob Walks In]]</ref> His nickname, "the [[Internet]] Lumberjack," comes from this incident.

While loathed by and estranged from his other children and step-child, Bob was still viewed as a better parent than his wife [[Barbara]], due to him being somewhat concerned with Chris's current status as a [[virgin with rage]], and the fact that he occasionally tried to guilt him into being more considerate by bringing up the fact that he devoted 29 years to raising a selfish manchild. Of course, Chris was unfazed by these attempts.

Bob conversed with numerous trolls. A lot of information was gained from these chats, mostly due to his tendency to yammer on.

Bob died on 6 September 2011, at Martha Jefferson Hospital ICU surrounded by family, pastor and hospital staff.<ref name="BobObit">http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref> Bob is presumably spending the afterlife haunting the [[Dreams|nightmares]] of Chris's [[Trolls|enemies]], much like his [[Patti|deceased childhood pet.]]

==Biography==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|"I seen crosses burnin', fella."]]

===Service and education===
Bob was born in [[Wikipedia:Fort Worth, Texas|Fort Worth, Texas]]<ref name="Prank calls">[[Prank calls]]</ref> and raised in [[Wikipedia:Alabama|Alabama]].<ref name="About">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#About Bob (7:18 - 16:45)]]</ref> His father, Robert F Chandler Sr (1906<ref>https://familysearch.org/pal:/MM9.1.1/H5S7-BZM</ref>-19??) was allegedly half [[Cherokee]].

Bob was drafted after [[Wikipedia:World War II|World War II]] and placed in [[Wikipedia:Signal Corps (United States Army)|the Signal Corps]]. There, he learned how to install valve systems, switchboards, and telephones, and got to visit the beautiful [[CWCville|North Korea]]. When he got out, he couldn't get a job and so went to college on the [[Wikipedia:G.I. Bill|G.I. Bill]].<ref name="About" />

Since he figured he'd get "swallowed up" at a big college, Bob picked a small college to study pre-Engineering for two years. He was also in a band and learned a lot about [[music]]. He then moved onto [[Wikipedia:Auburn University|Auburn University]], a big college, to earn his engineering degree.<ref name="About" /> As an engineer, he never learned to spell properly.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#The Date Begins (4:47 - 7:17)]]</ref>

===Career===

Bob worked for [[Wikipedia:Western Electric|Western Electric]] for forty years. Using skills learned in the Army, he built for the company their first automatic [something] (it's unclear what Bob says here). General Electric heard about it and offered him a job in upstate New York. Since New York is too cold (and Yankee) for Bob, he moved away after three years, working in North Carolina for some time.<ref name="About" /> He worked with both Goodrich and Goodyear.<ref name="PSN 37" />

With General Electric, Bob was responsible for at least seven patents. [[Barbara]] claimed, in an e-mail to [[Miyamoto]], that because of Bob's influence in the computer world, the [[Wikipedia:Nintendo Entertainment System|NES]] "might not have arrived so soon" (despite video game technology actually being pioneered by [[Wikipedia:Ralph Baer|Ralph Baer]]).<ref name="Barbara" />

As examples of Bob's accom-PLISH-ments, as Chris would say, he automated a steel mill for rolling steel for cars, a paper mill for papers into the form of Kleenex, warehousing, railroads and tanker ships. He designed scooters, die casting machines, machines for producing plastic products<ref name="About" /> and a [http://www.google.com/patents/about?id=PIU_AAAAEBAJ vehicle logging system]. A fact that both Chris and Barbara have bragged about is that Bob designed [http://www.google.com/patents/about?id=vScrAAAAEBAJ controls] that were used in plastic water container molding machines.<ref name="About" /><ref name="Barbara">[[Miyamoto Saga#Barbara]]</ref>

===World consciousness===
[[Image:0012-BobbyReading.jpg|thumb|Bob learning how to cut that Internet down]]

On the other hand, Bob himself was proud of his "natural inclination for logic," although he was "inundated" by all his designs and whether he did good for the world.<ref name="About" />

Speaking of the world, Bob had been interested in it since he was 10, and had become very world conscious as a believer in the [[Wikipedia:United Nations|United Nations]]. He began by collecting foreign stamps in the [[1930s]]. He had collected 15,000–20,000 LPs from various genres and cultures.<ref name="PSN 37"/> Bob traveled the world in his day for business and [[china|pleasure]].

Politically, Bob identified as a [[Wikipedia:Republican Party (United States)|Republican]], and did not vote for [[Barack Obama]] in [[Wikipedia:United States presidential election, 2008|the 2008 presidential election]].<ref name="Prank calls"/>

In a potentially damaging moment on 18 [[February 2009]], Bob doubted the existence of [[Molvanîa]], [[Julie]]'s country of origin.<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]</ref> However, he continued talking under the assumption that Molvanîa was under Russian control.<ref name="PSN 37">[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref>

===Health and late life===
[[Image:LumberjackTapestry.JPG|thumb|Robert had Medieval English ancestry]]

Bob lived on social security and his General Electric pension.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref> He never really had people to chat with (he loved to ramble if the person showed some slight interest), so he sat around, listened to music, and took care of the garden inside the greenhouse.<ref name="PSN 37" /> With a 1970s stereo system set up in the greenhouse, he went to "swing with the music" on his swing there.<ref name="Raising" />

Bob had had two triple bypasses and four heart attacks. He wore an [[Wikipedia:Artificial pacemaker|artificial pacemaker]].<ref>[[Mumble 3]]</ref> In one prank call, Bob revealed that after surgery for cancer it was discovered that he had a fluid build up in his legs, which is symptomatic of heart failure. This rapid decline in health worried him.<ref name="Prank calls"/> He attributed his long life to the [[Cherokee]] in him. His uncles and grandfather all lived to 90-100.<ref name="PSN 37" /> The [[Rocky Shoemaker call]] revealed that Bob had previously been hospitalised for severe "bug bites".

A major question in the [[troll]] community has been what would happen once Bob died.

===What about Bob?===
[[Image:Bobbetter.jpg|thumb|"Now will you PLEASE let me get back to God of War 3???"]]

On 1 [[March 2010]], Chris [[Twitter]]ed that Bob had been taken to the hospital in the early morning for "congested [''sic''] [[Wikipedia:Heart failure|heart failure]]". Chris seemed confident that his father would come home shortly. Considering Bob's age, lifestyle, and long history of heart disease, [[Chris and death|Chris did not seem to grasp the seriousness of heart failure in an elderly man]]. Bob had been the only thing keeping [[14 Branchland Court|the Chandler household]] from imploding, and as such, trolls and white knights alike wished him the very best.

[[Image:Bobbed.jpg|thumb|Apart from the dying heart]]

In the month following Bob's hospitalization, Chris was remarkably quiet on the subject of his father. Information about his condition was hard to come by, as we only learned something [[Ego|once it has inconvenienced Chris enough for him to come online and complain about it]]. Statistically, congestive heart failure is not as immediately fatal as its name implies.<ref>[[Wikipedia:Congenital Heart Failure|Congenital Heart Failure]]</ref> But again, Bob's age, prior heart attacks and lifestyle made this a serious matter.

Chris's videos over the month of March made no mention of Bob at all. Staying true to his painfully predictable nature, Chris instead lost a [[The Wallflower|girlfriend he never had]], [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|made racial slurs and death threats to a cartoon character]], and [[F Abstinance|raged against abstinence]]. But no mention of his ailing father.

A poster on [[/cwc/]] contacted Chris via PSN regarding Bob. He posted a [http://www.cogsdev.org/w/images/9/9b/Bobbetter.jpg screen capture] of Chris's response, saying, "He is doing much better, thank you."Another contacted Chris via email and got a response saying, "Yes, my father is healthy and safe." Clearly he was neither, but this was at least proof that Bob hadn't joined the Whites-Only section of Heaven just yet. In late May, Chris finally mentioned [[Some Favored Comedians|a brief mention]] in a public video that his father was "alive and well," with no further elaboration on his condition.

On 29 August, 2011, Chris, now in his [[Tomgirl Saga|cross-dressing phase]], [[Response to ADF|mentioned that Bob was an ill and sickly shut-in]], and had [[Chris and English|"feet-bloatings"]]. Once again, Chris did not seem sad or concerned, and mentioned it only as an excuse for why he never traveled outside his immediate area.

In early September, 2011, Bob was rushed by ambulance to Martha Jefferson hospital with heart failure. [[Rocky Shoemaker call|It was discovered later]] that Bob had been put into quarantine when he arrived because his body was [[14 Branchland Court|covered in bug bites]] and he posed a contamination risk.

On 6 September 2011, Bob died at age 84.<ref name="BobObit">http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600</ref> He survived 54 years of the Burger King Whopper and 29 years of Christian Weston Chandler.

Chris loved his father so much that he waited several weeks before attempting to [[Craigslist|sell his TV]]. Luckily for Chris, Bob didn't [[Aunt Corrina|die on pancake day]].

===BobWatch™===
On 10 August 2010, [[Matthew Noble call|a phone call]] took place between Bob and Alec Benson Leary, who posed as an employee of [[GAMe PLACe|The GAMe PLACe]]. Discussing Chris's June trespassing citation, it was discovered that Chris hadn't told his parents about the incident (surprise, surprise). Chris posted [[6 June 2010|a whiny video]] about the incident the night that it happened, which remained on his YouTube channel until he purged all of his videos on 22 November. Yeah, that's how negligent Bob was.

On 19 August 2010, it was revealed that the elderly man with heart failure was still [[Coffee Place|eating breakfast at Burger King]] on a daily basis. The Grim Reaper is said to have been pleased by this news.

On 24 March 2011, Bob claimed in a phone call to have cancer.<ref>http://youtu.be/y-GGSOyCm2k</ref>

On 20 July 2011, it was revealed that by that time [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Coming out to my parents|Bob knew about Chris's cross-dressing tendencies]] and strongly disapproved of them.

On 29 August 2011, Chris [[Calling_Out#Response_to_ADF|mentioned in a video]] that his father was no longer getting out much because he was sickly and his feet were bloated. Foot swelling is a [http://www.cardioassoc.com/patient_pgs/conditions/congestive.asp symptom of late-stage congestive heart failure.] With his mobility limited, Bob became a shut in, which only compounded his heart problems. It was a rare occurrence of Chris legitimately acknowledging his dad's health was failing and an even rarer occurrence of him genuinely knowing of any situation around him.

On 6 September 2011, Bob died. Despite all the jokes made about Chris and his family, the death of a loved one is a very tragic event. Out of respect for him and his family, the CWCki was closed for a week, 12-19 September, with the start date coinciding with the day Bob's funeral service was held. Site visitors were directed to a page which simply read "Robert Franklin Chandler Jr. 1927-2011".<ref name="BobObit" />

==Obituary==
Both [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]] and Chris collaborated in writing Bob's obituary, which was published in two local papers. Main points of the obituary, apart from the standard birth date, date of death, and next of kin, include:

* Text going into unusual detail about what Bob did at General Electric.
* The location of the memorial service, "to follow on a later date", at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]], the church that Barb, Bob and Chris used to frequent together. This is the same church that [[Rocky Shoemaker]] counsels Chris from.
* A footnote asking readers to not donate flowers, but to donate money to Barbara and Chris. Given [[Chris and money|the money habits of Chris]] and Barb, the remaining Chandlers may be in a dire financial situation.

===Original text===
[[Image:Rip internet lumberack by vekke.png|thumb|May you always watch over our sweet autist.]]
:''Robert Franklin Chandler Jr., 84, of Ruckersville, passed away the morning of Tuesday, September 6, 2011, at Martha Jefferson Hospital ICU surrounded by family, pastor and hospital staff.''

:''He was born on September 4, 1927, in Texas, the son of the late Robert Franklin Chandler Sr. and Jean Holloman Chandler. On June 7, 1980, he married Barbara Anne Weston, who survives. And the couple gave birth to a son, Christian Weston Chandler, who survives. Also surviving is ex-wife, Patricia, and their shared children, son, Dr. David Alan Chandler, survives, and daughter, Carol Suzanne Chandler, survives.''

:''He graduated from Auburn University with a degree in Engineering.''

:''He served in the United States Army Seoul Korea in the Signal Corp during the Korean War. He worked for General Electric as an Engineer with Steels, Plastics, etc. He also had patents for the controls for Plastic Molding Machines; without him, we would not have even a simple plastic funnel.''

:''Also surviving are granddaughter, Savannah Chandler, the daughter of David Alan Chandler and his wife, Kimberly.''

:''A funeral service will be held at Monticello Memory Gardens in Charlottesville, Virginia, 10 a.m. Monday, September 12, 2011. A memorial service to follow on a later date at Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church.''

:''Instead of flowers, you may make monetary donations to his widow, Barbara Chandler and son, Christian Chandler. <ref name="BobObit" />

==Relationships==

===Previous family===

Bob was previously married to a woman named Patricia.<ref name="BobObit" /> She's most likely the mother of his two other children, [[David Alan Chandler]] and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]], with whom he was both out of contact in his later years.<ref name="Cole2">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> For example, Chris did not know he had a niece named [[Savannah Chandler|Savannah]] until she was 8 years old.<ref>[[CWC's Diary#January 2004]]</ref>

===Barbara===

[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|With [[barbara Chandler|Barb]]]]

Bob and [[Barbara]] met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." This is probably why he figures that he could get away with being passive in terms of courtship. In contrast, [[Cole|Cole's]] friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref name="Cole2" /> They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara did not have sex with Bob for at least two decades before his passing. They had been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref> This is possibly due to an attempt to avoid spawning another subhuman freak like Chris.

===Cole===
Bob married Barbara when her son [[Cole]] was 17, around the time Cole left to lead his own life.

Cole feels that Bob's bitterness worked to separate his relationship with his mother. Cole said he would celebrate<ref name="Cole2"/> "when that fuck Bob finally drops," <ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|Email from Cole to Chris]]</ref> but it is unknown if he has yet to as of 9 September 2011. Cole said that he and Bob shared a mutual hatred,<ref name="Cole2" /> though we have no evidence yet that Bob hated Cole. In the least, it is certain that Bob knew Cole didn't like him.<ref name="Raising"/>

===Chris===

{{quote|Get away from the Internet! I'm cutting it down, right now.|Bob Chandler, Internet lumberjack.}}

[[Image:0106-ChristianWDad.jpg|thumb|"You tell them that you fell down some stairs or else I'm cutting down your [[Nintendo]]."]]

Bob wished that Chris was more interested in the world. He tried to teach Chris, but he thought (and rightly so) that Chris doesn't understand countries and continents beyond what he's seen on [[TV]], and only can associate with the places he's been in Virginia.<ref name="PSN 37" />

Bob's joke that [[Barack Obama]] would paint the White House black as soon as he became president influenced Chris to draw it in ''[[Sonichu 8]]''.

Chris has often complained about stressful confrontations with his father:

{{quote|well, my father is a major stressor against me; starts arguements[sic], annoys me, rarely washes his hands after restroom breaks (lord knows I've tried to encourage him to wash numerous time, and rarely succeeded.|Chris, [[IRC (31 December 2008)]]}}

After several occasions where trolls had communicated with Bob personally and found him to be quite pleasant and amicable, it's become obvious that he wasn't "starting arguments", as Chris asserts. More likely he was criticizing Chris's behavior and encouraging to better himself, which would involve work, which Chris fears and despises.

Bob had reportedly explained to him that he had taken care of his [[autistic]] ass for 29 years and so Chris should be more grateful. Chris couldn't give two shits, figuring that his father was ''obligated'' to take care of him, seeing no reason he should demonstrate any foreign concepts like "love", "support", "gratitude", and "willingness to help". Chris would run for his father's aid when he felt threatened, as in the later parts of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].

Despite Bob's occasional frustration over Chris's actions, he seemed to have bought into the theory that Chris is tormented by a [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|complex network of enemies spanning the entire world]], due to the [[Chris and his ego|success]] that he has earned from his very [[Chris and his ego|popular]] Sonichu franchise.<ref name="Church">[[Church audio]]</ref><ref name="Noble">[[Matthew Noble call]]</ref> In the [[Matthew Noble call]], it appears that Bob seemed to share Chris's tendency to bring up unrelated mishaps and debacles to make current incidents and sources of [[stress]] seem "petty" in comparison.

Once during a phone call with trolls, Bob stated that Chris had accomplished significant goals in his adult life. However, it is unknown if Bob actually believes that, or it was just something he was saying because he didn't want to admit to complete strangers that his son was a total failure in life and a leech on society.<ref name="Prank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNHIbffirxU&feature=player_embedded</ref>

He would never get past that notion, given that he continued to have to nursemaid Chris well into his son's late 20s. In the later parts of 2009 and throughout 2010, as chronicled in Chris's e-mails with [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2009|Vivian Gee]] and [[Jackie E-mails 7|Jackie]], Bob had been forced to take an increasingly active role in controlling Chris's spending and debt, paying off Chris's credit cards with his own money in an attempt to prevent interest charges from spiraling even further out of control. By the fall of 2010, he was monitoring Chris's bank accounts on a daily basis and keeping him on a strict allowance. Upon finding out about Chris's [[Tomgirl Pictures|escapades]] in early 2011, Bob's reaction was to question Chris's sexuality, at one point even calling him a fag.

Chris has said specifically that he doesn't have to love his father, but has to respect him.<ref>[[Mumble 1#Transcript|Mumble Chat 1]]</ref>

==Audio and video appearances==

[[Image:DemonicLumberjack.jpg|thumb|'''The Internet Lumberjack''' in his final form]]
In every appearance, Bob has proven himself to be better at charming Chris's [[sweetheart]]s than Chris himself.

* 26 February [[1994]]: Bob appears briefly behind Chris from 0:26 - 0:36 in the news report of Chris's [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes]].
* 14 [[February 2009]]: [[Bob Walks In]] to Chris [[mass debating]].
* 18 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]] and [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|3.7]], Bob rambles to [[Julie]].
* 15 [[March 2009]]: Bob [[Church audio|talked]] to [[Robert Simmons V]] at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] while [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|Chris went to shit himself]].
* [[March 2009]]: Bob chaperoned Chris on his date with [[Emily]].
* 27 [[March 2009]]: Bob gets intruded by Chris in the [[Tour of Christian's House]], but is not visible.
* 27 [[August 2009]]: [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|Bob enters Chris's room]] and scolds him for making the [[Tour of Christian's House|house tour video]], (correctly) fearing that if someone saw the house as it was, they would be evicted (Uncut version only). This is a momentous occasion, showing some awareness on the part of the Chandlers that the filth and squalor they live in is a health hazard. This video subsequently off a wave of emails and calls to the Greene County Health Department, masterminded by trolls who hoped to realize Bob's fear of eviction, but the campaign was seemingly unsuccessful.
* [[November 2009]]: Bob and [[Barb|Snorlax]] make a brief appearance at the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].
* 15 [[August 2010]]: In his final outing on the damn internet, Bob gets a [[Matthew Noble call|call from the GAMe PLACe]] and is informed of Chris's actions earlier in the year. He then goes on a tangent about how Chris has been tormented by everyone ever since he was banned, and then demands Michael Snyder's information. Barbara also appears at the end of the call.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Thehell.jpg|"The hell is this crap?"
Image:0009-ChristopherChristmas2.jpg|Looking at the presents, it's sometime between 1982 and 2011.
Image:0011-ChristopherBobXmas.jpg|That isn't Chris's half-senile old grandfather at [[Christmas]] time. It's Bob. He was that age when Chris was about one.
Image:0014-YoungerFather.jpg
Image:0032-BobAtRestraunt.jpg|The epitome of handsome.
Image:0038-AuntCorinaAndDad.jpg|Bob with [[Aunt Corrina]].
Image:0062-NewChristian&Dad.jpg|Notice Chris's discomfort.
Image:0120-BobbyBehindBars.jpg|Bob wouldn't let a fence get in the way of cutting down Chris's Internet.
Image:0230-ChristianAndDadInClass.jpg|Bob: fashion icon.
Image:0626-BobbyInGarden.jpg|When Bob wasn't arguing with Chris or cutting down his Internet, he enjoyed gardening.
Image:CreepyBobAndChris.JPG|Bob will haunt your dreams tonight.
Image:Bob_80th.jpg|Calm down Bob, I think you're scaring Snorlax.
</gallery>
</center>

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Bob
| video = {{#ev:youtube|cyMoams7EMw}}
| Stardate = 10 September 2011
| Maker = TheSevenRiders
| Subject = ''[[Metal Gear Solid]]''
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Tribute to Bob Chandler
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ajEN2zrY8cQ}}
| Stardate = 11 September 2011
| Maker = 8x13Wolf
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Chris Chan - Tribute to Robert Chandler
| video = {{#ev:youtube|p48KrSYHkgo}}
| Stardate = 12 September 2011
| Maker = OVRFND
| Subject = ''[[Metal Gear Solid]]''
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = RIP Bob Chandler
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tyoboaDCJ0s}}
| Stardate = 29 September 2011
| Maker = furnacewoodsband
| Subject =
| Video Type =
| Other Info =
}}

==Sources==
{{Fan Art|chris=Bob Chandler}}
<references />

{{People}}
{{Not_Jerks}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Bob}}
[[Category:Family Members]]
[[Category:Dead]]