CWCki - User contributions [en]

Bryanfrogboy

2019-02-14T00:18:28Z

Joestaen: fixed link to twitter, handle changed

'''Bryan Shickley''' (nicknamed "'''Bryanfrogboy'''") is an animator, graphic designer and the creator of the ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' Prequel Comic. Bryan's creation of the prequel comic appeared to have caught Chris's attention on 2 January 2018,<ref>https://twitter.com/CWCSonichu/status/948620868636299264</ref> and he began following the production of that comic as well as some of his other works ever since.

{{infobox
|title = Bryanfrogboy
|image = [[File:Bryanfrogboy.jpg|250px|center]]
|header1 = Information
|label1 = Name
|data1 = Bryan Shickley
|label2 = Also known as
|data2 = Bryanfrogboy
|label3 = Date of Birth
|data3 = 10 June 1995 (age {{Age|1995|6|10}})
|label4 = Gender
|data4 = Male
|label5 = Nationality
|data5 = American
|label6 = Race
|data6 = White
|header7 = Twitter
|data7 = [https://twitter.com/BryanShickley]
}}

==History==
[[File:CWC holding Prequel fancomic.jpg|thumb|left|200px|Chris, holding the comic]]

Chris first discovered Bryan's Twitter account on 2 January 2018, when he saw the completed second page of the comic. At that time, Chris, along with a couple of bystanders, was curious about what this comic would become. Bryan explained that the comic was meant to be less a parody of Sonichu or Chris's life, but instead a retelling of Chris's life as told from what he believed to be Chris's point of view.<ref>https://twitter.com/Bryanfrogboy/status/948711730640666625</ref>

{{clear}}

==Chris's retrospective==
Chris has commented on some events in his life which were depicted in the comic.

===Barb's hoard===
3 January

@BryanFrogBoy:

{{quoteboxgreen|Page 2 of my @CWCSonichu prequel comic. Not planning on finishing - just practicing

[[File:Cwcsonichu prequel p2 by BryanFrogBoy.jpg|200px]]
}}

Chris:

{{quotebox|Please, Do complete this prequel comic; I am very curious of your take of Cwcville Christian's Past, or otherwise your interpretation of my past. For Your Information, the Pack-Ratting and Hoarding DID Bother Me a lot. Thank you.}}

===Venting about trolls===
8 January

@BryanFrogBoy:

{{quoteboxgreen|Page 6 of my @CWCSonichu prequel comic

[[File:Cwcsonichu prequel p6 by BryanFrogBoy.jpg|200px]]
}}

Chris:

{{quotebox|Wow! That was exactly how I Felt! It makes so much more sense to me why I impulsively put too much of myself into the earlier books like I did. I Was venting a lot. Spot on, @Bryanfrogboy. Thank you for seeing and appreciating that of me. 😊❤️}}

===The [[Love Quest]]===
9 January

@BryanFrogBoy:

{{quoteboxgreen|@CWCSonichu prequel page 7

[[File:Cwcsonichu prequel p7 by BryanFrogBoy.jpg|200px]]
}}

Chris:

{{quotebox|I really worked too hard on something I should not have pushed too much on, the “Love Quest”... I Really should have focused more on Sonichu, his life and all of that. Instead, I did too much with myself.

I was more selfish back then. I really regret that I was. It has done a lot of damage to everyone around me.}}

===[[shecameforcwc]]===
11 January

@BryanFrogBoy:

{{quoteboxgreen|Page 9 (pretty sure, losing track) of @CWCSonichu prequel

[[File:Cwcsonichu prequel p9 by BryanFrogBoy.jpg|200px]]
}}

Chris:

{{quotebox|How Could they have been mutual after that, Period?! And now, despite the Original Piece being Totally Torn apart, it still reappears to haunt me. When will that symbol of my sin of lust be long forgotten? Soon, I pray. I continue to Repent.}}

===Apology to [[Alec Benson Leary|Alec]]===
21 January

@BryanFrogBoy:

{{quoteboxgreen|@CWCSonichu prequel page 19 - the death of Alec Benson Leary

[[File:Cwcsonichu prequel p19 by BryanFrogBoy.jpeg|200px]]
}}

Chris:

{{quotebox|Oh, My Goddess! That was really dark. And such a potent look at myself in the mirror of my past. And Asperchu was only a minor thing that I took too far so many years ago. I’m sorry, Alec.}}

===Apology for saying "JEW!" to [[Michael Snyder|Snyder]]===
24 January

@BryanFrogBoy:

{{quoteboxgreen|@CWCSonichu prequel pg 22

[[File:Cwcsonichu prequel p22 by BryanFrogBoy.jpg|200px]]
}}

Chris:

{{quotebox|Not his Heritage, more like his cold-hearted personality.}}

@BryanFrogBoy:

{{quoteboxgreen|I just figured it was a nicer thing to write than when younger Cwc called him a Jew.}}

Chris:

{{quotebox|I agree, that Was most insensitive of me back then. I was more upset at Him than Judaism; I really have nothing against the Jewish people, and I am sorry for using the term as an ending insult upon him. That is not cool to do Anytime, or any situation.}}

==Argument over [[Reality Cartoon]]s==
On 3 February, Chris argued with Bryan over Twitter:

Bryan:
{{quoteboxgreen|I don't believe that cartoons are real in any reality, but I can't influence what Chris believes. All I can do is encourage her.}}

Chris:
{{quotebox|That is a Real Shame that you say that, @Bryanfrogboy, because our “Fictional” Individuals ARE REAL, and they Do Exist; they are Alive, and Breathing and Living, just like you, I and everyone else in This World. You should Open Your Mind and Heart to them, Fully.}}

Bryan:
{{quoteboxgreen|Okay I'll keep an open mind to this but I have questions. Does the Chris in my comic live a life independent of yours?}}

Chris:
{{quotebox|To answer this question, before I answer the rest of your questions in PM: Yes, that Chris does live, as depicted in your book, independent from the Christine Chandler of Cwcville’s main dimension, but in another dimension.}}

Hippostabber:
{{quoteboxred|Scary. You shouldn't feed into delusions. Do you not see the prob with this given the person i brought up who thought his char where real and killed people . Do you see no link. Its sad and just plain wrong if you are encouraging a person to believe that cartoons are real. SAD}}

Bryan:
{{quoteboxgreen|I don't think cartoons are real and don't encourage it, but I can't change her view. Chris isn't a child, if she thinks cartoons are alive she should consult a professional.}}

Chris:
{{quotebox|“Consult a professional” is another insensitive comment. That is Strike Two, @Bryanfrogboy.

More appropriately, you should see it for yourself, to try to Understand for yourself.}}

Bryan:
{{quoteboxgreen|I guess if I truly believed my cartoons existed in another world, they would all be very happy and have no villains or drama. I'd owe it to my characters.}}

Chris:
{{quotebox|That is a lovely thought, but there is going to be drama and tough situations for everyone, no matter which dimension; they Earn their Happiness, as they all have fought through their trials and endeavors, like everyone. And That is why you do owe it to your character family.

Because they have fought about as much as their creator, and parental figure, which is you, has.}}

handofgalochio:
{{quoteboxyellow|So, does that mean that every interpretation of your characters constitutes a separate world?}}

Chris:
{{quotebox|Situation-wise, and to link it to Cwcville, yes. But like the Sonic the Hedgehog OCs, the OCs from Sonichu and Rosechu co-exists with the originals in the same dimension, which include Asperchu and his friends/family. But some FanFics actually do hit spot-on to the Originals in the same dimension, such as Trickie’s “[[Rosechu's Story]]”, because those situations Are mostly matching to the Original Rosey Rosechu.

Now, with regard to @Bryanfrogboy book, for one example from within, Neither I, nor Christine of the original dimension, has had boxes fall upon either of us as the fire started, and no unconscious moment right after either. Although, while Christine is essentially like my Avatar in Cwcville, she has had Many a different situation, mental and personality aspects from myself, but she still is High-Functioning Autistic, and linked with me Mentally And Emotionally. DEFINITELY in the Emotions!

But I Digress. @Bryanfrogboy’s Story, while Mostly Matching And Reflective Of Christine and I, and our relationship with Sonichu, it would still exist in an alternate dimension where every one of those differing situations would have happened, from Cwcville’s Prime Dimension.}}



==Gay erotica poem==
[[File:Makebrycry.jpg|thumb|200px]]
On 28 April 2018, Chris participated in a contest held by Bryan, MakeBryCry, in which the person who drew him in the meanest way would win $50. Chris's entry was a portrait sketch of Bryan, which included a love poem from what seems to be Chris-chan Sonichu's perspective:<ref>[[April 2018 social media posts##MakeBryCry]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Bryan, the sexy Shrek-like vampire with messy hair; there is a unique charm that really gives you great flare! Come on over and toussel my quills, and maybe my shock therapy will cure your ills. One that brings out repressed urges, you are the man with the surges! ♥ }}

On 30 April, Chris went further, saying, "I could kiss your good-looking face anytime" in a tweet to Bryan.<ref>[[April 2018 social media posts#Gay for Bryanfrogboy]]</ref>

This took place during a time when the [[Idea Guys]] were persuading Chris into thinking of himself as [[Chris and sexuality|bisexual]].

==Unfollowing Chris Chan==
On May 4, Bryan stops following him via Twitter after Chris was trying to find an excuse on why he hasn't worked in anything Sonichu-related in the last couple of months and at the same time he mention Bryan, in which he replies by saying, ''Please don't drag me into this. I've drawn your OCs more than you at this point and I don't make a percent of a percent of what you make for doing nothing''.

==Possible Troll?==
People have noticed that he has been tweeting in a conversation between him and Chris that in a way seems like he's mocking Chris, for example, him saying that Chris is a beautiful soul that would never lie, someone else posting a fake picture of an Amazon ad of his comics and saying that his comic is selling well and making lots of money with Bryan jokingly going along with it, and more recently he made a template of Sonichu's face for people to print out and make their own medallion, and he claimed that Chris approved of this, only for Chris to tweet that he did not approve.

==See Also==

*[[Chris and business]]
*[[Parody]]

==References==

<references/>

{{Trolls}}
{{People}}

Chris and death

2018-05-01T04:45:25Z

Joestaen:

{{Quote|Sometimes I remember her, but I have moved on.|[[Chris]] on the late [[PandaHalo]].<ref>[[Regina e-mails]]</ref>}}

[[Image:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|Rest in peace...?]]

'''Death''' is a concept that Chris has a notably hard time understanding and/or coping with, be it the death of a [[Bob Chandler|human]] or an [[Patti Chandler|animal]], or even a [[Simonla Rosechu|fictional character]].

His poor reactions to death most likely come from Chris's lack of empathy (a common symptom of [[autism]]), and childish thought patterns. Children often don't understand death, usually just thinking it's "like sleeping forever" or "just leaving." Chris, being a child inside, can only resort to these clumsy analogies to understand death.

Here are the departed souls, in order from earliest to latest:

==Deaths==

===Various ancestors===
Chris claimed that, at Aunt Corrina's funeral, his ancestors wished him a safe [[Ohio trip|trip to Ohio]] to meet Julie.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 7]]</ref>

===Passengers of ''[[wikipedia:RMS Titanic|RMS Titanic]]'' (d. 1912)===
In 1912, famous passenger liner ''Titanic'' hit an iceberg on its maiden voyage from Southampton, England to New York, and resulted in the deaths of around 1,600 people. In [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV]], Chris insensitively attempts to threaten [[Lars]] by destroying a [[Lego]] version of the Titanic.

===Every single victim of the World Trade Center attacks (d. 2001)===
[[File:Memory-card-15-2.jpg|200px|thumb|A Memory Card noting the tragedy, next to the Dark Arbok Pokémon card Chris had purchased on that day.]]

Chris has a very juvenile understanding of the [[wikipedia:September 11 attacks|September 11, 2001 terror attacks]] and their effect on world history. In the [[Twin Falling Towers]] video of 1 [[November 2009]], Chris makes fun of [[Clyde Cash]] and says that he is as weak as the [[Wikipedia:World Trade Center|Twin Towers]], which were primary targets in the 9/11 attacks. He then pretends that the mouse cursor is crashing into the buildings, complete with sound effects. After heavy criticism for turning a tragedy which killed 3,000 people into a childish joke, Chris [[Apology for 9/11 Joke|apologized]] and insisted his patriotism. He also equated the death of [[Kacey]]'s grandmother, who is said to have died in the attacks, to his dead dog. For literally no reason at all, the date of the attack is included in a time-travel sequence in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]].

===Patti Chandler (1988–2006)===
Patti was Chris's pet dog, who died in June 2006. Chris apparently drew a picture of a crying [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] face on the signature confirming the euthanasia process.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Eulogy_for_Patti&diff=4455&oldid=4454 Eulogy for Patti] on the [[CWCipedia]]</ref> As seen in the image used in this article, Patti also appeared in the [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]], immortalized as a furry character named [[Patti-Chan]]. This is particularly disturbing in that Chris has apparently decided to deny his dog the afterlife that he presumably believes in in favor of locking her in his own [[CWCville|personal hell]].

To Chris, her death is the greatest tragedy of his life, which he often compares to the deaths of other people's family members and loved ones. Unsurprisingly, every single person he has said this to has become horribly offended. In [[Chris's Plea to Clyde Cash]], he equates [[Ryan Cash]]'s death with Patti's, and in the [[Father Call]], he equates the death of [[Matthew Devoria]]'s mother in the 9/11 attacks.

Oddly enough, Patti may have been the only being Chris ever cared about. On the 1-year anniversary of her death, Chris even broke down in tears and had to be consoled by his mother.<ref>[[Megan emails, Jan-July 2007#Chris is sad about Patti]]</ref> By comparison, the "death" of any sweetheart will result in a few days of mourning at best.

It should be noted though that despite all of Chris's fondness for Patti, her memory was still not safe from being [[It's not that cold|defiled by him]].

===RocketFox's Dad (1966–2008)===
RocketFox's Dad used to be an [[alcohol]]ic, but recovered and stayed sober for ten years. However, his liver failed and he passed away in mid-October 2008. When RocketFox asked Chris for advice on how to cope, Chris considered it an "accident" and went on a spiel about how bad alcohol was.<ref>[[IRC (16 October 2008)]]</ref> This is actually the first death during the [[troll]]ing, and it was mentioned to Chris to see how he would react to such news, and as mentioned, Chris did so poorly. Ryan's death and Chris's reaction cemented this.

===[[Sarah Jackson]] (1981–2008)===
A former heartsweet of Chris (and Decepticon) who was killed in a carefully executed plan by [[Optimus Prime]]. Sarah Jackson, like Patti, was used in his comic for a while as "Ms. Jackaras" in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]]. Unlike Patti, Ms. Jackaras gets the same fate as her non-comic counterpart, and is replaced by her sister, who continues the lesson anyway. None of the ''Sonichu'' characters mourn the loss of their professor.

===Ryan Cash (1996–2008)===
Ryan was Clyde's brother who was a huge fan of the ''Sonichu'' comics. After they were delayed over and over, Ryan fell into a depression and committed suicide. Chris, of course, [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 28th, 2008|reacted to this]] in an inconsiderate manner, telling Clyde and his family to "just move on", and marveling at his power to incite suicide. He also suggested that Clyde get a girlfriend who could make him just as happy as Ryan could have, which (disturbing implications aside) indicates that Chris seems to regard people as more or less fungible. This also helps explain why Chris seems to be able to move on so quickly when one of his online "heartsweets" meets some unfortunate demise.

===[[PandaHalo]] (d. 2009?)===
Despite her being hundreds of kilometers away from the [[Brushfire Video|bushfires]], Chris assumed PandaHalo was dead. She is actually alive and kicking but Chris still doesn't know this. Two days after her "death," he went to find another sweetheart to [[mass debate]] to, saying "It's OK though, at least I have a [[Julie|good woman]] who's willing to be by my side at this point."<ref>[[Mumble 7#Summary]]</ref>.

Nine months later, [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] featured a special "memorial" to PandaHalo and a sequence in which she dies (off-screen) in a building fire after saving her "Pokemon", [[Chloe Rosechu]] and [[BlazeBob Sonichu]], so they wouldn't "burn with" her, not realizing that burning is an incredibly painful way to die.

More recently, Chris "dedicated" all of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] to PandaHalo's memory. This would be almost touching, if the alleged dedication didn't wholly consist of how awesome Chris was for using Panda's cover artwork.

===[[Sarah May]]===
After being called "[[Julie]]" multiple times, Sarah May attempted suicide over Mumble.<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> Immediately after she went offline, rather than express any concern or try to find a way to stop her, Chris told Julie (who was also in the chat), "I still have you," with a completely emotionless "oh well" attitude. Julie was playing along with Chris, and did not react to Sarah's suicide attempt in any human-like fashion either; yet, it did not occur to Chris that Julie's behavior was ''in any way'' unnatural. Chris then made an [[CWC Shout Out to Sarah May|immature shout-out]] to her on a YouTube video, with tears faker than all his [[sweetheart]]s combined. The only reason he offered as to why she shouldn't commit suicide was that he would be sad without her.

===[[Aunt Corrina]] (1936–2009)===
Chris's aunt Corrina had her funeral on Chris's birthday, which was also [[wikipedia:Shrove Tuesday|Shrove Tuesday]], a Christian holiday that involves eating pancakes. Needless to say, Chris cared more about the pancakes than the funeral of his own aunt.

When the "I know how to be sad because my dog died" excuse fails, Chris usually follows up with an offhand mention of his Aunt Corrina. If that fails, the deaths of his many sweethearts tends to follow.

===Clyde Cash (1976–2009)===
In early [[2009]], Chris seemed to be aware that Clyde was supposedly dead, though he was suspicious of the idea. Regardless, he [[curse-ye-ha-me-ha|cursed]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 18th, 2009|him]], just in case.

===[[BILLY MAYS]] (1958–2009)===
In [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 1st, 2009]], Chris only seems to be upset over people blaming him for MAYS's death, and loudly denies that BILLY had ever been the mayor of CWCville. He doesn't even offer his condolences to MAYS's family. Down the line, Chris selfishly adopts the idea that MAYS was in fact his bodyguard and he died protecting Chris.

In ''Sonichu'' #9, Chris slaps in a one-page intro with BILLY saying that he was never was the Mayor, but was part of Chris's group. At the bottom was a message from Chris, asking him to "come back soon."

===[[Ivy]] (1992–2009)===
Ivy committed suicide after not being allowed to see Chris. Chris uploaded [[CWC "Boyfriend"]] as a memorial. Yes, a poorly-sung remake of Avril Lavigne's happy, bouncy pop-punk song, with lyrics changed to be about how much Chris would like women to date him. Chris included pictures of several past sweethearts in the video, making it less of a tribute to Ivy and more of a monument to Chris's failures.

Furthermore, as is unquestionably appropriate, Ivy's tragic demise was incorporated into issue #9. Rather than admit to having a hand in her suicide, Chris conjures up a magnificently gruesome accidental death, which involved having gotten her neck broken with elevator wires after falling through the elevator floor. Although this is a particularly troubling manipulation of what really happened, Chris more than makes up for it with gravitas; he gracefully, albeit belatedly, offers a tiny orange box in memory to Ivy 'O'Niel', taking pride of place underneath a backshot of [[Slaweel]] and some weird faux-[[Transformers]] actions. All of the above shows the leaps and bounds Chris has made in his appropriate handling of tragic deaths.

When confronted about this insanity in the [[Mailbag]], Chris got quite indignant, demanding to know what the questioner thought he should have done, since Ivy had died in real life and could no longer serve as Chris's [[GodJesus|God-given sweetheart]]. It's not clear whether it had ever crossed Chris's mind to keep this horrific death out of the pages of what is supposedly a comic aimed at children, or to let Ivy's character live on in CWCville like he had done for Patti and BILLY.

===[[Wikipedia:Mary Jo Kopechne|Mary Jo]] (d. 2009)===
In a [[Mailbag 27#Love and loss|mailbag]], Chris was asked by a [[Wikipedia:Ted Kennedy|troubled fan]] what he should do after the death of his beloved Mary Jo.

{{quote|Mary Jo is gone (I feel for you), but you should move on and try to find another woman who will treat you about as good, or possibly better than, her. Suck it up, and move on like a Man would. I tell you as a Man who had to do the same thing a few times in the past too.|Chris, being super-sensitive.}}

Chris clearly states how he believes a death should be approached by a man (which includes finding another woman right away and a specific lack of grieving), and tells the traumatized fan that he should simply move onto a better woman since his girlfriend's death, not only being completely asinine, but also outlining that he believes women to be [[women's rights|replaceable and possibly interchangeable]].
[[Image:RIP mike.JPG|thumb|The obituary that Chris didn't even bother to read.]]

===Mike Jackson (1969–2010)===

Throughout [[January 2010]], a man named Mike Jackson sent Chris a series of friendly letters asking for advice, and then begging for help after Chris's amazingly bad advice completely ruined his life. Chris, caring soul that he is, promised the absolute minimum amount of effort (a [[YouTube]] video) and then never made good on his word.

Distraught over Chris's total lack of action, and terrified at the risk of having his family torn to pieces, Mike [[Mailbag 52#This, if anything, requires a canned response|died from a sleeping pill overdose]]. Mike's grieving widow generously decided to let Chris view the private obituary page set up for friends and family of the deceased, saying that Mike would have wanted her to treat Chris with respect and decency.

Chris responded to the news of Mike's death with the same copy-pasted bullshit he used to pretend he was listening to criticism. The two infamous sentences made no sense in context and demonstrated beyond the shadow of a doubt that Chris could not care less about Mike's tragic death. It was revealed in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]] that Chris didn't even view Mike's obituary page, and his [[Mailbag 56#In which Chris isn't sorry at all|response]] to Mike's grieving son was all of three words long.

===Simonla Rosechu===
[[Image:SandyRosechu.jpg|80px|right|thumb|The bastard child in question.]]
During the [[Asperchu]] saga, a recurring theme was [[Evan]]'s legal claims in regard to [[Simonla Rosechu]] as a derivative of his character, [[Simonchu]]. While early demands were for Chris to edit his old strips to remove Simonla entirely from continuity, later Evan consented to letting Chris keep Simonla's early appearances, on the grounds that he kill her at a later date. Chris, not surprisingly, totally lost his shit, showing a much stronger emotional attachment to an empty, one-dimensional fictional character than he has managed for any living creature other than his dog. Finally, after being faced with the threat of legal action, Chris finally killed Simonla in issue #10, though not before she laid an egg out of wedlock with her baby-daddy [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]] (though, of course, the act of laying the egg was never shown, or even mentioned), which hatched into [[Sandy Rosechu]].

Simonla's death apparently continued to haunt Chris long afterwards. This led to him [[Simonla Rosechu#Resurrection|reviving Simonla]] around [[May 2014]], more than four years after her demise. It should be noted that, as revealed in the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Calls]], Chris considers cartoon characters to be real, living creatures that exist in some other world reminiscent of Toon Town from ''[[Wikipedia:Who Framed Roger Rabbit|Who Framed Roger Rabbit]]''. Simonla's death was as [[Chris and reality|real]] to him as that of any of his family members or sweethearts... perhaps even more so.

===[[Chandler Cats#Desi|Desi]] and [[Chandler Cats#Skittles|Skittles]] Chandler (precise date of deaths unknown; no later than 10 April 2010)===
In an email Chris sent to [[Jackie]], he [[Jackie E-mails#Chris is lazy, Hates simple chores|mentions having three cats]] (Lucy, Kitty and Scamper), despite the fact that he was previously known to have had two additional cats (Desi and Skittles). This suggests that by the time of the correspondence both had died, or had at least departed from [[14 Branchland Court]] in some other way. No documentation exists of Chris's reaction to their loss.

===[[Wikipedia:Murder of Yeardley Love|Yeardley Love]] (1987–2010)===
Yeardley Love was a lacrosse player for [[UVA]] who was murdered. Chris uploaded a [[05142010|video]] discussing the story (which he probably just saw on television for a few minutes), but didn't even bother to say her name. He also stated that the murderer should get 20 years in prison for the shock of the murder, which is twice his desired punishment for [[Tobacky|smoking]]. Later in the video, [[Chris and his Ego|he rerouted the subject towards himself]] and stated how everyone needed to be sympathetic of him and his autism and that he's not a bad man. In other words, he used the death of a girl he never knew in an attempt to make himself look good.

===[[Bob Chandler|Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.]] (1927–2011)===
After a long battle with heart failure, Bob's life came to an end while he was being hospitalized in the [[wikipedia:Martha Jefferson Hospital|Martha Jefferson Hospital]]'s ICU.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071324/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600 (archive from 11 Feb 2013)</ref> The fact that on the day Bob died Chris posted an online [[attraction sign]] in the form of a [[Facebook#What I am looking for in a woman|Facebook note]] reflects poorly on him. However, he later told [[Jackie]] that ''"my heavier cries from my father's passing is really hitting me bad."'', and lamented that in a previous [[dream]] the Grim Reaper had promised that he would not claim Bob until 2015.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 31]]</ref>

In a March 31, 2012 Facebook message, Chris expressed a desire for Bob's ghost to haunt the dreams of anyone who doesn't like him, putting him on the exact same level as his dead dog. While this was an understandable reaction to discovering "plans" that trolls were going to dig her up, or discovering a webcomic that contained what he considered a mockery of her memory, his threat to send Bob's ghost after people is equal parts disrespectful and unreasonable.

In a [[Facebook]] post from [[June 2013|June]] of [[2013]], Chris laments that he had more freedom when his father was still alive, and goes onto complain about how he has to take time out of his day to [[Jerkop|"serve and protect"]] [[Barbara Chandler|his mother]]. Knowing Chris, this presumably means that he sat around in [[Chris's room|his room]] playing [[vidya]] while his elderly father did most of the [[chores|work around the house]].

===Victims of the November 2015 Paris terror attacks===
In wake of the shootings and bombings in Paris on the 13th of November 2015, Chris [[Chris's Response to the Terrorism Attacks in Paris|responded on Facebook]] and expressed remorse in his own simple way, but equated the real-life atrocity which killed over 120 people with the actions of a "cartoon villain", suggesting he still has a poor grasp of the difference between reality and fantasy. Included was the image of Sonichu and Rosechu in front of the American flag in [[Sonichu 9]].

===Barbara Chandler (1941–201?)===
Barbara, much like Bob before his death, has been experiencing many illnesses in the past few years. Barbara was [[obese]], and this contributes to her poor health, examples of which include oversleeping and bed sores. In [[August 2013]], Chris revealed that Barbara is now a breast cancer survivor, which reveals that she suffers from far more serious health problems than initially thought. It may not be long before Barb keels over as well, which would ultimately leave Chris with no coddling matriarch to provide support for or keep him company, and in the grander scheme of things, without parents.

Even today, where everyone's favorite manchild will go from there remains a mystery, especially since it was revealed in an [[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking|October 2013 Facebook post]] that Chris considers Barbara to be one of the few people who gives meaning and purpose to his life.

In November 2015, Chris released [[Family Needs to appreciate Family]], where he addressed [[Cole Smithey]], [[David Alan Chandler]], and [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]] to visit Barb before "Her time runs out".

In June 2016, Chris released [[Donations Requested, Please.|two]] [[Donations Required, Serious Please help|videos]] in which he asks for donations for Barb's asthma medication; here, Barb appears somewhat unresponsive and barely conscious, and Chris says she likely won't make it "through the rest of this month." While Chris could just be exaggerating just to get more free money, one cannot deny that Barb's physical appearance is the worst it's ever been, so his prognosis just might be accurate. Regardless, Chris shows flagrant indifference to her imminent demise.

===Chris himself (1982–20??)===
Given Chris's notoriously [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|bad diet]], lack of [[Chris and health|activity]], [[14 Branchland Court|hygiene]] or [[Chris and the Internet|social interaction]], on top of a complete lack of [[Love Quest|motivation]] or [[Chris and remorse|concern]] for anything other than himself, it is generally considered unlikely that Chris will live very far into his forties should he persist in his current lifestyle.

However, there is a likelihood that like Bob, who lived into his mid-eighties despite suffering from (and eventually passing away as a result of) [[Heart level|heart failure]] and alcoholism, he may be genetically disposed to lead a long, albeit miserable life. In comparison though, Chris's own death is naturally [[Chris and his Ego|the only one that immediately concerns him]], since it is the one thing that would put an end to the [[Love Quest]] once and for all.

{{quote|And Believe Me, IN DREAMS, and even IN MOMENTS within my mind while AWAKE, I HAVE SEEN AND FELT That Death Light. Not only is it the Most Horrifying Thing Ever, but I am [[Chris and English|LOOOONG NOT READY FOR IT YET]].|Chris, on his visions of death.}}

In a conversation with the CWCipedia Sysop, Chris once mentioned that he had been receiving recurring visions of himself walking into a bright light, which he one day hoped would be prevented from appearing by getting a sweetheart. However, judging by how unlikely it is that he will ever enter any meaningful relationship with someone within his obsessive standards and willing to put up with him and his numerous faults, these visions will most likely persist until the inevitable day it comes true.

In a Facebook post on 30 [[October 2013]], Chris stated that he had become so [[stress|stressed]] out (specifically, over [[October_2013_Facebook_Posts#Reality_Comes_Knocking|the revelation]] that his [[Manchester High School|high school]] [[gal pal|gal-pals]] did not actually like him much at all), that he had contemplated killing himself multiple times. According to Chris, the only reasons he did not go through with it are [[Barb|painfully]] [[Clover and Snoopy|obvious]]. This shows just how much Chris's [[Chris and psychology|mentality]] has drained, and how badly he needs the professional help he so stubbornly refuses to get. Of course, this could well be Chris exaggerating and trying to gain pity as he has done in the past, and as his mother allegedly also has (or at least, used to have) a habit of doing. In all seriousness, however, suicide is no laughing matter, and this should be looked at with caution.

In late [[2014]], Chris actually came quite close to being hospitalized, as a serious infection had developed around a [[Un-clit|piercing on the bottom of his]] [[duck]] that he had received earlier in the year. Thankfully, though, Chris came to his senses and permanently removed the piercing, and had the infection treated.

In the aftermath of the 2016 US Presidential election Chris made comments and videos containing death threats to Donald Trump where he repeatedly justified wishing for Trump's death by saying 'men die earlier than women'. It is possible he decided to 'transform' in to a woman because he believes he will live longer as a result.

===Sonichu (2000-????)===
One of the very few things that Chris seems to care about the death of besides himself is [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and his pals. Since Chris believes all cartoon characters exist in some universe, and he had created Sonichu's, he feels that if he were to reboot the comics, that would mean that Sonichu and his friends would all die, and that they would all reincarnate into their newer rebooted versions, as hinted in a July 23, 2017 Twitter post <ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/July_2017_Patreon_posts#Delay_on_pages.2C_no_plans_to_reboot_Sonichu</ref>. Being his love and joy, the last thing on Chris' mind would be to kill his creations, but yet is perfectly fine with freezing them in time with his hiatus on the series.

Ironically, even when Chris inevitably does pass on and go to meet [[Godbear]], he will still be remembered for his comics -- thus, it can be said that Sonichu will never truly die.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[White_knight#Chris_lacks_empathy_himself|Lack of empathy]]
*[[Death threats]]

==References==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Dead]]

2018

2018-03-28T01:20:42Z

Joestaen: New sweetheart(s)

[[File:End games jan2018.jpg|thumb|Chris in 2018]]
{{Ongoing}}

'''2018''' is the tenth year of organized [[troll]]ing.

==January==
[[File:CWC Magfest SpinalPalm.jpg|thumb|Chris in January 2018]]
{{main|January 2018}}

After hearing a rumor of a panel dedicated to him, Chris decided to travel to D.C. to attend to [[MAGfest]]. Not only was he correct, but he also received a surprisingly warm welcome. He was still under the influence of the infamous [[Idea Guy]], declaring the marriage of [[Mewtwo]] and [[Magi-Chan]] and [[Smashing|smashing a doll on camera]] under the belief that it was bugged by Nazis. The Idea Guy was finally doxed on January 22, revealed to be Kiwi Farms user Joshua Wise. More information was leaked about the Idea Guy, including fake news clips, audio recordings, and what appears to be unfinished works for [[Sonichu 16|''Sonichu'' #16]]. There were also apologies to [[Alec Benson Leary]] and [[Michael Snyder]]. More of [[Sonichu 12-9|''Sonichu'' #12-9]] was uploaded. Chris also [[C-Log_01312018_-_Selling_my_Older_Pokémon_Cards_for_my_mother’s_teeth|tried to sell his old Pokémon cards]], ostensibly to fix [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]]'s teeth.

==February==
[[File:UFS Binder Ebay Listing Photo 002.jpg|thumb|left|Chris in February 2018]]

{{main|February 2018}}

In February, Chris tried selling on [[Lulu]] again and sold [[Damaged original art for sale|damaged art]] for $100. He continued to debate "[[Chris and reality|reality]] cartoons" with [[Bryanfrogboy]], and [[Chris's birthday|turned 36]]. Other than these, this month saw very little activity from Chris.

==March==
{{main|March 2018}}
In March, Chris tweeted that his [[Love Quest]] was over, saying:
{{quotebox|Sorry, my Peeps, but My Sweetheart Search is Officially OVER! Yay! 💜💙❤️ 🤩}}
A fan was wary, saying
{{quoteboxgreen|I hope this is a person you know in real life, otherwise congrats!}}
Leading to Chris divulging some more information about the nature of his new relationship
{{quotebox|Oh, yes! We three are Very Close in Person, Real Life; we are together. 💜💙❤️}}

{{timeline}}

Help:A Quick Guide to CWCki

2018-03-21T01:35:29Z

Joestaen: fixed europian

[[File:Chrisshotweb.jpg|right|200px]]

So you want to edit the wiki on the [[Internet]]'s [[White knights|most beloved]] (and [[A-Logging|most hated]]) [[autistic]] manchild? Before you start, you should know this isn't your average crappy [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] article that you're getting yourself into. Here's a CWC (pronounced: 'quick') guide to the CWCki:

==When it comes to dates, be a European==
This: dd Month Year

Example: today is {{CURRENTDAY}} {{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}.

Not this: Month dd, year

Example: today is {{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTDAY}}, {{CURRENTYEAR}}.

Likewise, avoid numerical dating ('''{{CURRENTMONTH}}/{{CURRENTDAY}}/{{CURRENTYEAR}}''' or '''{{CURRENTDAY}}/{{CURRENTMONTH}}/{{CURRENTYEAR}}''') because that confuses the hell out of people depending if you're a European or American.

While Americanized spellings are the standard, it's still a good idea to use Europian dating to avoid confusion.

Furthermore, it's easier to link to.

For instance, if you went with European dating, to link to a month, all it would be is:

'''<nowiki>dd [[Month Year]]</nowiki>'''

whereas an American dating would be:

'''<nowiki> Month dd [[Month Year|Year]]</nowiki>'''

==When it comes to spelling, be an American==
Chris is American, and so a majority of trolls. As a result, Americanized English is the standard for the CWCki. So no unnecessary vowels (unnecessary "U"s, "O"s, etc.), it's a "truck" and not a "lorry," it's an "elevator" and not a "lift," you get the idea.

However, on a similar note, please be considerate of our European brethren. Some Europeans are not totally familiar with American TV shows, food chains, and other stuff Chris frequently references, so it is helpful to add a mild explanatory note for these (such as comparing Chris's beloved [[Golden Corral]] to Red Hot World Buffet & Bar). For instance, if a game title has a different title in Europe, by all means mention this (such as how ''[[Animal Crossing]]: City Folk'' was known as ''Animal Crossing: Let's Go to the City'' in Europe).

==The possessive form of Chris is "Chris's"==
Your [[English]] teacher was wrong. When it comes to proper nouns, you are supposed to append apostrophes even if the name ends in "s" (the exception is formal archaic names like [[GodJesus]], but then it'd be "the parables of Jesus").

Page 1 of Strunk & White's ''[[Wikipedia:The Elements of Style|The Elements of Style]]'' states this, and this is the standard [http://www.economist.com/research/styleGuide/index.cfm?page=841359 The Economist] uses. People who argue otherwise are [[slow-in-the-minds]].

==Sign your comments==
If you're making a comment on the [[CWCki:Community Portal|Community Portal]] or on a talk page, '''please sign your comments'''. It's four tildes in a row (<nowiki>~~~~</nowiki>), and can be automatically added by pressing the signature button (the ninth button shown whenever one edits a page). That way, we know who said what and don't have to go through the talk page history in order to find the original date and time of the post.

==Stay nameless==
'''DON'T ADD YOURSELF.'''

The general guideline for trolls having their own articles are trolls who have interacted directly with Chris and have been referred to by Chris in some explicit way (such as [[Clyde Cash]]).

There are a few exceptions but for the most part, unless we've heard of you via Chris, you don't warrant your own article. Besides, no one probably gives a shit about your [[Ween|shitty troll persona]] or your shitty attempts at [[prank call]]ing his house.

You are however free to do with your User Page on CWCki as you wish, within reason. (For example, don't add a zillion pics not related to Chris to it, or use it as a dumping ground for your [[Mass debating|YouPorn]] history.)

==A note on notability==
Related to namefaggotry is notability.

While not as strict as [[Wikipedia:Notability in Wikipedia|Wikipedia]], CWCki still maintains a guideline of notability: '''If Chris has responded to someone or something, it warrants a mention on CWCki.'''

In other words, a random guy who makes a video response to Chris doesn't warrant their own article. Otherwise, we'd have a wiki full of guys in their basements trying to be funny by bringing up Chris and his [[recycling]].

To clarify, by the first part, someone or something that has caused a response from Chris warrants mention on CWCki. For instance, [[Evan]] warrants his own article because of the infamous [[masturbating and squirtin']] e-mail as well as [[Simonla Rosechu]]. [[Clyde Cash]] warrants his own article as Chris has made several videos threatening Clyde's life.

The major exception to this rule is any mainstream media references to Chris. No, not some random blogger or some guy on YouTube or Facebook, but actual TV, radio stations, or high-profile blogs (ex. Fark, The Atlantic, etc.). These references should be incorporated into the [[Chris in the media]] article, or the Chris-related media they cite.

And of course, anything Chris does or says is notable and deserves mention on the CWCki. This does not mean everything Chris mentions gets an article--it should just be mentioned ''somewhere,'' preferably in existing articles. There are of course exceptions that are dealt with on a case by case basis.

==Brevity is wit==
Don't ramble on unnecessarily. '''Learn to edit yourself'''. Read what you've written. Is everything in it entirely necessary? Can it be reworded to better effect? Think about what you yourself might read. Would you really be interested in reading a 10,000-page treatise on the psychology of Chris's [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|bowel movements]]? If not, then why should anybody else? And if so, then what the hell is wrong with you?

This especially goes for summaries. Remember what they are--''summaries''. They shouldn't be longer than the transcription/article being commented upon. Keep psychological mumbo-jumbo to a minimum, or preferably, to yourself.

===Suppress your own urges===
This goes for people who have [[religious]] or [[political]] views, different [[sex]]ual fetishes, and/or are fans of [[anime]], [[Television|TV shows]], [[video games]], and/or [[comics]]. Chris might own your video game or watch your anime or mention something about which you hold a very strong opinion. He may even mention it quite frequently. This doesn't mean it warrants a CWCki page, and it certainly doesn't mean that you need to reference it every third article or write about how Chris's understanding or interpretation of Contemporary Post-Trotskyist Feminine Theory is incorrect.

==Double check==
Before adding an article, check to see if it hasn't been added already. CWCki is not [[Chris and Wikipedia|Wikipedia]] or [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], so everything might not be redirected. You may have to search a bit but it helps if you look for articles before duplicating them. Same applies to images.

If you think a redirect would be appropriate for a particular search phrase, go ahead and add it: search the term you want to redirect, click on the red link between "Create the page "[insert title here]" on this wiki!", type in <nowiki># REDIRECT [[target page]]</nowiki>, and hit "save". The page will redirect with the same information; you will have to click "Save" again and perform a CAPTCHA mini-game in order to it to fully appear. Yes, it's ''beyond'' annoying, but it helps ward off spambots. Keep in mind that the phrase should be a fairly generic and common term, and relevant to the particular target.

==Privacy==
Information wants to be free, blah blah blah. While CWCki is very unabashedly uncensored (albeit far less than ED, mind you), it's wise to wait before posting things. Although Chris is very dense when it comes to denying the truth even when clearly presented to him, some trolls are sensitive about leaked info and wish that their "covers" not be "blown" so be considerate. Information about anyone Chris mentioned (be it a random [[Manajerk]] or a [[Jerkop]]) should be kept private too sometimes. Otherwise, we'd have [[weens]] e-mailing them "JUUUULLLAAYYY!!!!!" or other unfunny bullshit.

==IF YOU WANT TO HELP OUT ==
Some people come here straight from reading the Encyclopedia Dramatica article on Chris and decide they want their hand in editing. Unfortunately, the ED article on Chris-chan is frequently out of date, or it misses out on very recent developments.

If you're going to be editing CWCki, have a gander at Chris's [[Facebook]] pages or [[Kiwi Farms]], or hang out in [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|#sonichu]]. They're hot sources of all the goings on with Chris, and they keep up to date with all the most recent happenings. Just don't be a fag or else you'll be banned.

Likewise, spend some time reading, watching and listening to everything Chris-related, including the chat logs, sex audio, all of his videos, [[Mumble]] chats, etc. Yes, it requires an unhealthy amount of time, and having a strong stomach to some of Chris's more grosser aspects, but you'll get deeper into the rabbit hole and want to see how far it goes. These things are generally not on the ED page and you'll miss out on a lot of details on Chris (for instance, [[Reginald Chandler]] or how Chris drinks his own [[semen]].) But if you want to take an easier shortcut, perhaps begin with sachumo's [[documentary]] about Chris, which does a generally good job at summarizing most of Chris's life (although it misses more recent information due to being released in [[February 2015]]).

==Dive right in==
Even though you should lurk moar, don't be afraid to edit the CWCki. ''Anyone'' can and should edit the CWCki. You do not need to "prove yourself" to get a CWCki account and you will not be banned if you make an honest mistake.

If you're posting complaints about the CWCki on PVCC, [[cwc]] or Kiwi, you're doing it wrong. If you see something wrong with the CWCki, feel free to make your opinion heard or take matters into your own hands. After all, if you want something done right, do it yourself.

==Get involved==
CWCki is (mostly) democratic. While not perfectly democratic as say, Wikipedia, users do have influence in policy. While editing articles or contributing to the CWCki in other ways should be #1, it's also good to get involved in the workings of the CWCki. Be sure to regularly check the [[CWCki:Community Portal|Community Portal]], especially the [[CWCki:Policy|Policy]] and [[CWCki:News]] pages.

Being involved in the CWCki inner workings means that you get a say in how the CWCki is run and provide valuable feedback to the CWCki staff to better improve the CWCki user experience. So please, get involved, it's '''your''' CWCki.

==Try to aim for NPOV==
No, this does not mean you cannot say anything bad about Chris. Aim for ''criticism'', not outright bashing of Chris. Likewise, when dealing with other trolling sites, users, etc., try to present them in neutral terms.

So go ahead, criticize Chris, but don't try too hard. If Chris lies, it's fine to say he's a liar. But by implying that by lying he's "scum of the Earth," "a worthless piece of shit," etc. then you're [[A-Logging|just trying really too hard]].

[[CWCki:NOTED|We're not Encyclopedia Dramatica]], we're here to document Chris and mocking is mostly indirect.

===Don't be an A-Log===
A-Logs feel that Chris is a despicable human being with no redeeming qualities and want to inflict harm upon him. Chris doesn't inspire greatness, but he's not the spawn of Satan who's worse than Hitler. Don't be an A-Log, and don't purposely try to find things wrong with Chris.

==Updating [[Template:Da update|Da update]]==
[[Da update]] is perhaps what most people come to CWCki for, to see what is new with Chris. But what constitutes an update?

Chris releasing a new video? Hell yeah!

Leaked stuff with Chris in it? Definitely.

Something you heard off some guy in IRC? ...no, not really.

Something you heard off of ED? ''Fuck'' no.

In order for something to be considered update worthy, '''it has to be a publicly available media involving Chris.''' While there are many reliable sources who can provide information on Chris, it still does not hold up to encyclopedic standards, which CWCki strives to adhere to. While it is okay to incorporate such information into articles ''as'' alleged information, it is not an update to say that Chris has ''allegedly'' done something.

==Cite only publicly available media==
On a similar note, '''only publicly available forms of media are acceptable forms of citable material on CWCki.''' This means that PVCC posts, private audio files, etc. are not acceptable to cite in articles, even if the authenticity is without question.

The goal of this is to promote transparency and to allow the trolling community at large to easily verify if the citation is true or not.

==Resize your images==
Please try and resize your images so they're under 150 kb before you upload them. Seriously, it only takes, like, a minute in MS Paint to resize them. If you're not sure how, here's a [[Help:Resizing images|handy guide]] on how to resize images. Failing that, we have [[User:Fuckingstupid|resident]] [[User:Whoreos n' Milf|experts]] to answer any further questions, or to help you with resizing things.

If it's a huge animated GIF, then it better actually be amusing, or else it will be taken down and no one will cry rivers asking for it back.

==DO IT, BRO/ What goes on CWCki should stay on CWCki==
If you see something wrong or a mistake on CWCki, '''fix it.''' Don't start a thread on Kiwi Farms about how you saw something wrong on the CWCki and say how you can't believe it's wrong. Fix it. Don't complain about a video link being dead, find a working link and add it to the article. If you're not sure how to fix it, then make a comment in the article's talk page addressing your concern about the article and add templates. Likewise, don't make a thread about how you'd like to see CWCki address a topic. Make that article. If it sucks, it'll get deleted. If not, others will have a chance to build it up. If you dislike the quality of the CWCki, don't bitch about it on the Kiwi Farms, get involved and edit articles to make them higher quality.

Likewise, discussions pertaining CWCki should be on CWCki. If you have a beef with someone, don't bitch about them on the forums. Keep it on CWCki and things can be resolved. Likewise, if you want to collaborate with others to work on an article, you're more than welcome to go to other forums to do this but by all means mention this on the CWCki itself.

==Learn how to pipe==
Read [[Help:A Guide to Piping|this]] as a guide to linking to other articles on the site.

==Conclusion==
Follow these simple rules, and you'll become a regular CWCki wikifag in no time! So welcome to the CWCki, your one stop for everything Chris.

==See also==
*[[CWCki:CWCki is|What CWCki is and is not]]

[[Category:CWCki policy]]

Main Page

2018-03-09T03:53:49Z

Joestaen: Undo revision 217575 by Bobchanman (talk) 2fast

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<div style="font-size:162%; border:none; margin:0; padding:.1em; color:#000;">Welcome to the [[CWCki]]!</div>
<div style="top:+0.2em; font-size:95%;">The [[TRUE and HONEST]] encyclopedia about [[Christian Weston Chandler]].</div>
<div style="top:+0.2em; font-size:95%;">''WHERE NO [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|SHIT]] IS TOO [[Duck|MINOR]]! ''</div>
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__NOTOC____NOEDITSECTION__

[[Category:Special]]

User:Bobchanman

2018-03-09T03:24:37Z

Joestaen: jerk

stop vandalizing the place you JERK

Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2018-02-28T01:40:52Z

Joestaen: small formatting error

[[Image:Emilyy.jpg|thumb|70px|The only known image of Emily, shot from behind.]]

On 19 [[March 2009]], [[Chris]] went on his first [[dating|date]] ever with a [[troll]] called [[Emily]]. For posterity's sake, the event was recorded, and is now presented in text format for your enjoyment here.

==Summary==
*The trolls worry about a possible appearance by [[Snorlax|Barb]], run a mic check.
*Emily talks to [[Bob]], ignores Chris.
*Bob recites his work history, from serving in the army to retirement. Chris talks a grand total of 9 times, gets ignored.
*Bob goes on at length about being retired. Chris tries to interrupt several times, and fails several times.
*Chris reveals his favorite artist is [[Britney Spears]].
*Bob reveals his patchy medical history.
*Finally, Chris gets a whole minute in which to talk. The [[Amnyfest Ring]] makes an appearance.
*Chris asks why [[University of Virginia|UVA]] doesn't have a [[Sonichu Girls]] chapter.
*Chris brings up his [[Heterochromia|pink-eye]].
*Bob goes back to his health problems.
*Bob and Chris mention their [[Cherokee]] heritage.
*Chris flirts.
*Chris fails at flirting.
*Chris does the infamous [[Donald Duck]] impression.
*Chris talks about [[Sailor Moon]].
*Emily and Chris leave Bob and go out into the mall.
*Chris brings up winning the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|Sonic competition]].
*Emily tries to be discreet about going to the bathroom. Chris announces she's on her period.
*Emily flees.
*The [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Pickle]] Man arrives and saves Emily, whereupon Chris announces "HE KNOWS [[Clyde Cash|CLYDE CASH]]."
*Chris tries to kiss Emily goodbye.
*Emily makes good her escape and goes home with the Pickle Man.

==Cast==

'''Frosty''' - A whiz kid, his high-tech know-how keeps the group online.

'''Camwhore''' - "Emily's friend", her mission is to capture video of the event.

'''Emily''' - Queen of [[trolls]], she risks both life and limb on a plunge into the heart of darkness.

'''Pickle Man''' – Brave and daring hero, he protects Emily from certain peril.

'''Chris''' – Misshapen, autistic manchild, his disgusting nature seeps into the very recording of his voice.

'''Bob''' – [[Robert Chandler]], the proud [[Internet]] lumberjack. Possible love interest to Emily, though he is apparently nothing more than a slave to Chris.

==Transcript==
=== Overture (0:00:00–0:03:13) ===
[[Image:ThongMic.jpg|thumb|right|Artist's impression of what Emily is wearing.]]
'''Frosty:''' Okay... lock it?

'''Frosty:''' Okay-

'''Camwhore:''' Are you wearing a [[Butt garments|thong]]? With a-

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Camwhore:''' That better be fuckin' ''tight''.

'''Emily:''' It's tight.

'''Camwhore:''' That may pop out while you're walking around, while you're like-

'''Emily:''' I should be like-

'''Camwhore:''' Or a robotic [[China|vagina]].

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' Say "It's my [[Sex toys|vibrator]]."

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' It's one of those things that you see taped to those- those hentai-

'''Frosty:''' Well, the thing is, Chris- if you said that to Chris, he would squeal.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Ungh, ungh, ungh, ungh! Okay, if he gets, like, ''way'' too close to me, I'm just gonna be like- get my chair farther away.

'''Camwhore:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' I really like your [inaudible]

'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughs''] Maybe Barb- Barbara can come.

'''Emily:''' Apparently, she doesn't leave the house anymore.

'''Pickle Man:''' No, I'm just [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Frosty:''' There- there are [[Obesity|Barb candidates]] ''everywhere''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Frosty:''' No, no, no, no, no, no. But- but in all actuality, there should be no [[Barb]]; if there ''is'' Barb, I will [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit myself]].

'''Emily:''' If there is Barb, we're- we're done.

'''Camwhore:''' We're not showing up.

'''Frosty:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Frosty:''' "You brought your mommy?"

'''Emily:''' I should be like, "No– just put that shit in the bag, and we're not doing anything today."

'''Camwhore:''' Yeah.

'''Frosty:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' That's it.

'''Camwhore:''' And you can call him and be like "You owe me a ''dire'' apology, and you're the… jack-off-"

'''Emily:''' No– I'm sure I'm gonna yell at him, and make him ''cry''.

'''Frosty:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' And I'm gonna be like "Oh– I live in [[Clyde]]'s playboy mansion now." [''laughs'']

'''Frosty:''' No– even better!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' [aside] I'm waiting. I'm ''part'' of Clyde's playboy mansion.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Camwhore:''' I'm the janitor.

[''all laugh loudly'']

'''Emily:''' Okay– let's go see if he's there.

'''Camwhore:''' ''You'' go see if he's there.

'''Emily:''' ''No!'' 'Cause- 'cause it's-

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible (but about "a girl")]

'''Emily:''' 'Cause I'm gonna make it like an entrance, like… ''"Hiii!"''

'''Pickle Man:''' Did he say where [''inaudible, presumably "where he'll park his car", judging by Camwhore's response'']

'''Emily:''' No. Like, he wants to be- he wants to meet in front of [[Chick-fil-A]], so…

'''Camwhore:''' Figures! But the ''general'' idea would be you park near where you wanna… go.

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Camwhore:''' What if that [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' [aside] [inaudible] Do you see those pile of balloons right there? Swear to God: it looks like a [[Pickle|penis]].

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Camwhore:''' The balloons. Right here.

'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' It's a fuckin' penis.

[pause]

'''Camwhore:''' Nope.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

[pause]

'''Emily:''' [''sighs'']

'''Camwhore:''' [''sighs'']

[pause]

'''Camwhore:''' There's that ugly bitch that looks like [[Wikipedia:Kidney Boy and Hamster Girl: A Love Story|Hamster Girl]]… at [[Coffee Place|Starbucks]].

'''Emily:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Camwhore:''' She ''looks'' like Hamster Girl.

'''Pickle Man:''' ''Which'' one looks like Hamster Girl?

'''Camwhore:''' Right there. The only one that you can see working?

'''Pickle Man:''' Oh– over at Starbucks? You should see her with that hair off.

'''Camwhore:''' No, no, no. She looks like Hamster Girl. [''inaudible'']

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm telling you: you should see her with that [[hair] off!

'''Camwhore:''' Oh– she don't have no hair?

'''Pickle Man:''' Um...

'''Camwhore:''' Oh– she has a fake-

'''Pickle Man:''' She has fake hair, or… she has no hair… or the hair back like this.

'''Camwhore:''' Well, yeah– I knew that.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Camwhore:''' I was gonna say: I don't- I guess she dyed her hair blond. 'Cause I remember seeing her with some ugly, strange-colored hair.

===Target acquired (0:03:13–0:04:43)===

'''Frosty:''' There he is!

'''Camwhore:''' Shut up!

'''Emily:''' [''startled''] What?

'''Frosty:''' I can see a [''inaudible''] jacket.

'''Emily:''' Oh my God! [''jokingly''] Eject! Oh my God!

'''Frosty:''' Is your jacket on? [''unintelligible''] Put your jacket on. Are you ready?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I'm ready. [''laughs nervously''] This is gonna be my best acting moment ever.

'''Pickle Man:''' He can't see my face before I suit up.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– go, like, look, 'cause he has to sit down first.

'''Pickle Man:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Frosty:''' He'll realize later: that's what it was.

'''Camwhore:''' I don't feel bad.

'''Emily:''' Okay. Hopefully, he, like, won't come, like, around and- [''inaudibly interrupted''] Huh? I don't have my phone.

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Oh my God…

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' If this goes all smoothly, I should get, like…

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] Where do I sit… to, like, watch [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Um, there's some ''benches'', like… by the tables. [abruptly] Oh! Oh! Oh, no.

'''Pickle Man:''' Where do I go?

'''Emily:''' Okay– there's some benches, like, ''nearby''…

'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah?

'''Emily:''' Um, just sit and watch him [''unintelligible''] till you need to go change or whatever.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. Well, I- I started the- I [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. I'll [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''exhales loudly''] Yeah. Or just, like… kinda walk around and see if you can… see us.

===The Green Mile (0:04:44–0:05:19)===

[''Emily's footfalls can be heard as she marches off to meet the manchild.'']

===Meet the Parent (0:05:20–0:07:17)===

'''Emily:''' ''Hi!''

'''Chris:''' Hello! Emily?

'''Emily:''' Yeah! I'm Emily. So nice to meet you!

'''Chris:''' Hi, Emily. This is my father, Robert.

'''Bob:''' Hello.

'''Emily:''' Hello. [pause] I've started [[Rosechu|shopping]] a little bit.

'''Chris:''' That's alright.

'''Bob:''' You're from West Virgina?

'''Emily:''' Yeah... I used to live here for a while, but then, I-

'''Chris:''' [''abruptly''] Hey!

'''Emily:''' But then, I moved to-

'''Chris:''' [[Autism|Cute hat!]]

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I thought you might like it.

'''Chris:''' [''laughs contentedly'']

'''Bob:''' You go to school over there?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– [[Wikipedia:West Virginia University|University of West Virginia]]. My friend, uh, wanted to go to school there, and she's my best friend, so I have to… go with her everywhere! [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' That sounds like the best way to do things!

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Hey, Emily– you mind, uh, a photo of you and me together?

'''Emily:''' Sure!

[pause]

'''Bob:''' What are you taking?

'''Emily:''' I'm doing journalism.

'''Bob:''' What?

'''Emily:''' ''Journalism.''

'''Bob:''' Journalism?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Ah! You wanna be a writer!

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''giggles''] I did a lot-

'''Bob:''' He has a… [[Cole Smithey|''half-brother'']] who's- who lives in New York City… and, uh, does ''freelance'' writing and show reviews and things… for newspapers and magazines.

'''Emily:''' Is it- does he love it?

'''Bob:''' I ''guess''.

'''Emily:''' [''giggles again'']

'''Bob:''' I haven't talked to him in years…

'''Emily:''' Yeah…

'''Chris:''' I can't this dang camera to work!

[pause]

'''Bob:''' Yeah– that's- I worked at, uh- I'm an engineer… and engineers [[Chris and English|never learn how to spell]].

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' I think very logically, but I-

'''Chris:''' Shoot! I got bad batteries in the [[Chris and camerawork|camera]].

'''Emily:''' [''disappointed''] Oh...

'''Bob:''' If I would- if I would ''write'' anything, half the words would be phonetically rather than the way we're… ''supposed'' to do.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' I got along fine… writing stuff… on my ''word'' processor… when I had a ''spell'' checker.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Without that, I'm [''unintelligible, but clearly self-deprecating''] [''laughs heartily'']

'''Emily:''' Did you like doing engineering?

'''Bob:''' Well... I- I had a real ''u-''nique situation…

[''pause'']

===Bob's work history (0:07:18–0:16:58)===

'''Bob:''' Look, uh… I'm- I'm really old.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Okay– to start with: I'm 81. And, uh, I came along ''before'' [[Wikipedia:Transistor|transistors]].

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Not- not all the solid-state stuff we have now, but even before ''transistors''… when we had [[Wikipedia:Vacuum tube|vacuum tubes]]. I, uh... got drafted after World War II. That's how old. But, uh... then, they put me in the Signal Corps, and they knew things I didn't know. They taught me how to install valve systems and switchboards and telephone poles. So, I found out: yeah– I'm pretty good at that. So, when I got out– 'course that was in [[Pre-1980#1947|1947]]– I found out- now, I know that we had a depression on our hands; I didn't know it then. You couldn't get a job, so, I thought "Well, I got the G.I. Bill. I'll go to school."

'''Emily:''' Yeah– now, it's really hard to become an engineer.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– now, ya- I, uh- I went to… a state teaching college to start with, 'cause I had the philosophy that if I went to a big school I'd be just… swallowed up.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, I went to a small school and took Pre-Engineering for two years, and that was the best thing ''I'' ever did, 'cause I wound up, uh- well, I got- I got through my two years of Pre-Engineering in small classes.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And also, I loved [[music]], and I was in [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|the band]] and everything. And I got in the symphony orchestra… and learned a lot about music while I was up there too. And then, I went to Auburn, and then [''unintelligible''] talk about getting swallowed up!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Then, at that time, Auburn- which now has what: 30,000 students, or something? Auburn had about 5,000 students. I got my Engineering degree. And then, when I got out, I said "Well, I'll, uh... I can do anything with relays and telephones and valve systems, and that sort of thing. I'm gonna work for Western Electric."

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' That seems logical, right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' [suddenly offended somehow] Hey!

'''Bob:''' Because they make, uh-

'''Chris:''' You- no– you listen to my father… because he's somethin'! Because I get some of my intelligence from ''him''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' [[Chris and reality|Especially my ''technological'' intelligence.]]

'''Bob:''' But anyway, I, uh- I went to work for them for forty years, and, uh... at that point in time… Uh, this is even ''before'' the Atlas missile… the ICBM.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' ''Before'' the Korean War… and, uh- but, I- I found out they were building ''radar'' systems. Well, that was fine, but also, they had lots of government money, so they wanted some automatic test equipment. At that time, ''nothing'' was automatic. They ''had'' none!

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, that's what ''I'' went and built, that kinda stuff, what I learned in the army, right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, I started working with the first automatic test equipment that we ever made. And then, [[Wikipedia:General Electric|GE]] heard about it… and they came down to, I was in Winston-Salem, in North Carolina. And- so, GE came down; they offered me a job… up in upstate New York. Cold country in Utica.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' And then, uh... I went down to build some automatic test equipment for the ICBM [''unintelligible''] [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Intercontinental Ballistic Missile]].

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Nobody knows how, 'cause we haven't done it before.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' We'd done some of this automatic test equipment down here. "Why don't you come up there?" "Well, okay!" So, I went up there for three years and helped develop the, uh, automatic… equipment… for testing the missiles, and… all the guidance systems, and things… in the [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' But- but I got- I was a soldier, true and tried, 'cause I was born in Texas and raised in Alabama.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And then, I was in North Carolina first. And then, I hit upstate New York, and I froze to death. [''chuckles'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah, that must be really different! [''laughs again'']

'''Bob:''' Well, after three years, I said "I'm going back to somethin' [''unintelligible'']" Well, GE- I didn't know it then, but I had a real, natural ''draw''… to the mountains.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And I knew about Roanoke, since I'd been in, uh, [''unintelligible''] So, I wanted to come back to Roanoke, and GE had a plant there.

'''Bob:''' And… their plant specialized in industrial automation. Except they didn't done any ''automation'' yet. They were just industrial-controlled.

'''Bob:''' So, I finagled a transfer back to Roanoke, and… I got there just at the time when they were startin'… to make… any kind of automation controls for engines.

'''Bob:''' So, I got into what they call "a new business area". And I got to do ''all'' the great things. All my- I- I really had it right. I was in the right places at the right time.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Because I am very ''[[Autism|logically]]-''inclined.

'''Emily:''' That doesn't really happen nowadays, with the economy…

'''Bob:''' Yeah– and I- I'm a logician.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Oddly enough, I never learned how a transistor even works… on records. But I ''use'' 'em all the time.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I use 'em. I'm retired now, a long time. But… when I started out with this group, and the first thing we got into was trying to automate a steel mill… for rolling [''unintelligible''] steel for your cars.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Well, we did that. And then, I got into… how to roll papers so you could get Kleenex.

'''Emily:''' [''giggles'']

'''Chris:''' And, of course, y'know, he's the guy that designed the controls for all the plastic water machines, so without him at this time, you couldn't have the plastic for your glasses.

'''Bob:''' And- and then- then, I got into- I was in the new business area where we could do the first one… and then, somebody else would take over and do the others.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And- and then, I got into managing a paper mill. But then, I got into the… industry of- of, uh, like phone lines, warehousing, automatic transition, like BART: Bay Area Rapid Transit.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Automatic railroads and all that kind of stuff. Automated a bunch of that. Then, I got into automating a bunch of mine [unintelligible] around the world.

'''Emily:''' You've been through a lot!

'''Bob:''' And then, I went to automating tanker ships, so you could run 'em from the bridge and have nobody downstairs.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Just someone else involved-

'''Chris:''' Want some water?

'''Emily:''' No, thank you.

'''Bob:''' And, uh... then, uh- then, um, I got into… I developed a system and I found out that there was very few people like me in the world that had this natural… inclination… for logic. You know, like [[Wikipedia:Logic gate|the ANDs, and ORs, and the what-ifs, and the what-if-nots]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And then, I developed a system… which is called [''inaudible''] that stands for- it's an acronym.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Hardware-oriented [[2000|Y2K]] pile of junk!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Similar fortune… was in… ''hardware''.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' Hey, everybody– I got [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you.

'''Bob:''' What this enables-

'''Chris:''' [''unintelligible, but clearly addressing Emily'']

'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] Thank you.

'''Bob:''' What this enables everybody to do- and me, too, but I was lazy…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Was to write down on- on paper– and design on paper from the start– a sequence of parallel lines.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And up to that point, nobody had a way of writin' it down on paper.

'''Emily:''' [''half-stifles a genuine laugh'']

'''Bob:''' And they ''still'' don't, really! [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' But that [unintelligible] to mind, horse and buggy.

'''Bob:''' Elevator-type system that's over a 5,000 ft. hole!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Then, I got into, uh, designing… ''scooter'' machines, which fused all the plastic around wires, and things like that…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Scooters. And then, I got into... die-cast machines… and the machines automating ''them''. They make things like carburetors, and [[My Coke Rewards|cans]], and whatever. And then, I got into ''plastics''… and even the ''plastics'' were [unintelligible] automating their machines. In the process, I ended up with about… ''two'' patents [unintelligible] in ''my'' name that ''they'' own. And all this… dumb stuff. And I saw the first 2-liter Coke bottle…

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Come off the line in New England.

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] on it, and all these [''unintelligible''] microvalves, and ''doors'', and- and, um... ''shutters'', and [[Kimmi|stuff like that made out of plastic]]. All this stuff we got plastic.

'''Chris:''' [''unintelligible''] in your frames!

'''Emily:''' Yep! [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' Including, uh, [[Sex toys|Tupperware]].

'''Emily:''' Can't… go without Tupperware…

'''Bob:''' So, then [''unintelligible''] ''finalized'' and- and perfected, basically, this [''unintelligible''] process…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Of design and documentation. [''unintelligible''] It came time for me to retire. And so, I did! [''chuckles'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' So, now, I'm ''un-''indated with all this stuff I did, and I don't know whether I did the world a good thing or not.

'''Emily:''' I think you did!

'''Bob:''' But I can't-

'''Emily:''' You did a lot of things.

'''Bob:''' I can't spell the word "[[cat]]" without a 'K' in it.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, well, y'know, [[Chris and his ego|I'm proud of him anyway]], for his accompliment- accom-''plish-''ments.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

[pause]

'''Bob:''' He's got a ''half-''brother who's a doctor.

'''Chris:''' ''His'' son.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh...'' okay.

'''Bob:''' And he's got a- and I have a daughter, who is his- his half-sister… that's a… [[Wikipedia:Phi Beta Kappa Society|Phi Beta Kappa]] outta UVA Atlantic.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh...'' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' She's workin' for the federal government, and she's got a Ph.D. now. She's working somewhere for the federal government. All these [[Autism|math people]]… I dunno.

===Retired life (0:16:59–0:24:22)===

'''Emily:''' I'm not very good at math. [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' I'm not that-

'''Emily:''' That's why-

'''Bob:''' I'm good at ''logic'', but not at math.

'''Chris:''' But ''I'm'' good at math!

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Bob:''' He's not good at math when it comes to managing [[money]].

[pause]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Hey– look! Hey– look it! I have… ''your'' plastic lid on it!

[''Chris chuckles and Emily laughs'']

'''Bob:''' We've been working with him, now, for 27 years.

'''Bob:''' It was a challenge. ''Most'' of the time, I've been retired, so I could stay home.

'''Emily:''' Yeah... usually, if you're not very good at math, you're really good at writing, which is why I'm going for journalism.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– well, I, um... I did- I do alright with writing as long as I got a spell checker.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' I just, uh- I- but I enjoyed my life. It- it, uh- it- I had… things; I had- I had opportunities that most people don’t get.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I got to see all this stuff now.

'''Emily:''' That’s good. I hope that, like, y'know, I can travel around the world and, y'know... write up- do some journalism, like, overseas.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I’ve been to [[PandaHalo|Australia]], and I’ve been to Korea, and I've been to [[Anne Boleyn|England]]. ''Most'' people [''unintelligible''] to see 'em, but [''unintelligible''] I've never seen, 'cause they work too good.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Well, it- it was interesting. [pause] I wish I could get- find out what ''Christian's'' really good- well, he’s pretty good in [[Art|drawing]]…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And writing.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– he- she should know; she- you’ve- you should know; you've seen a bunch of [[Chris and art|my artwork]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah! It’s really good! All my- all my friends like it, as well.

'''Bob:''' [[Chris and copyright|He’s ''creative'']]… but he’s, um... I- I guess you know he’s- [[autism|he's high-functioning autistic]]… and, um...

'''Chris''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' At six, he couldn’t even ''talk''… but he was… ''programming'' [unintelligible] on his computer: his [[Wikipedia:Commodore International|Commodore]] computer…

'''Chris:''' [[Wikipedia:Commodore 64|Commodore 64]].

'''Bob:''' [''laughs''] Which was his first little-

'''Emily:''' Oh! I don’t know very many- much about computers! [''giggles''] Sorry! [''giggles some more'']

'''Bob:''' You’ve probably got a laptop, with a word processor, don't ya?

'''Emily:''' [''reluctantly''] Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah– but you-

'''Bob:''' Now, we've- we- we’ve brought him a long way.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' It’s been interesting.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... well, that’s a little piece for you- that you can, uh, write about, if you want to.

'''Emily:''' Yeah! That- that would be interesting.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, you- anyway, you came all the way here from, uh, VCU? Or did you make a few stops along the way?

'''Emily:''' No– I came all the way from VCU. Um... like, a lot of my fr- uh, friends over at VCU? They're into the whole Sonichu thing, but there’s a lot more… uh, like, I guess "[[Sonichu Girls]]"…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Up in, uh, the University of West Virginia. And we… k- we kinda do, like, a newsletter-type thing every week.

'''Chris:''' Wow.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' But this is in one of my favorite spots in the country.

'''Chris:''' [''responding belatedly to Emily''] I commend you for that.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] little trees on West Avenue.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Have you heard of West Avenue?

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' You know where West Avenue is?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– a little bit; I don’t… really go in that area.

'''Bob:''' They're at the end of VCU, then?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] I don’t know that area very well.

'''Bob:''' It’s- it's a street of, uh, townhouses. And it's about three blocks long. And it’s got a second name called "Stork Alley".

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And every spring, they have a "Stork Alley Rally".

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? Oh…

'''Bob:''' At the same time, they have the Easter parade over on Monument Avenue.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’ve never seen it before, but my friends tell me about it. But I’m usually stuck in, y'know… college.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– but- but I was only in Richmond… um… 1975 through 1980. And then, I got married to ''his'' mother. And, um... ''he'' was born, and then, we got transferred over here; I worked for GE. And we lived in Chesterfield County… but I ''love'' West Avenue; that’s my favorite spot.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' I call it "Sesame Street".

'''Emily:''' Oh, that’s… [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Because they call it "Stork Alley", 'cause there’s so many kids.

'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah?

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' I- I- I love the Virginian area.

'''Bob:''' His ''mother''… was raised– but you wouldn’t believe it– she- she was raised in a [''unintelligible''] home. And one that's [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Right there on, um… I can’t think of the name of that street: the one that goes right in front of the [[Burger King]]… down at… VCU.

'''Emily:''' I don’t know what… streets really are-

'''Bob:''' Well, again- but that is a street that goes right in front of Burger King…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And right down the street from there is where… ''his'' mother lived for about twenty years and raised [[Cole Smithey|her first son]]. And he’s got a lot of ties to the family, too; he just doesn’t like me.

'''Emily:''' Oh... do you guys have a big family?

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' Well, uh, we’ve got- we've got ''my'' son, and my daughter. You- my son’s in [[Richmond]], and my daughter’s in Washington.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And then, we’ve got ''her'' son, who's in New York. And then, there’s the three of us.

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah– Schiflett's a really big family.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– we got… two- really, two separate families.

'''Emily:''' Mmm.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... but it’s not as big as [[Wikipedia:The Brady Bunch|The Brady Bunch]]!

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' No… it isn't.

'''Emily:''' No.

'''Bob:''' But we- we- we enjoy it, and I- I have- uh, I grow flowers. And... I don’t have to worry about… makin' a livin' anymore…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' With [[Monthly tugboat|Social Security]], and... the GE pension. And GE's good and sound… fortunately!

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' So, uh... I- I grow day lilies. I’ve gotten my yard full of [''unintelligible'']. And in the middle, I’ve got a, um... well, about fifteen-foot plastic greenhouse.

'''Emily:''' Oh?

'''Bob:''' Except… inside this greenhouse, it’s different.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Inside this greenhouse, there’s ''plastic'' flowers.

'''Emily:''' Oh– ''plastic'' flowers?

'''Bob:''' A ''swing''… and, uh, all my ''stereo'' stuff, and, uh...

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but he’s got ''real'' flowers in his garden.

'''Emily:''' Oh. Oh, okay.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– the day lilies are real, in the garden; but inside here, it’s all flat.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– day lilies bloom about once a year, during- dur- about ''once''-

'''Bob:''' In the summer.

'''Chris:''' This- this summer.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' There- there's also that-

'''Chris:''' And then, they stay that way for about a month or so. It’s a beautiful garden.

'''Emily:''' Oh, I can imagine!

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I’ve got about 15,000 healthy-

'''Chris:''' [''dreamily/creepily''] ''Imagine!''

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And I- I love all the music from- from Dixieland to Big Band to [unintelligible].

'''Chris:''' Raise me on music, he did!

'''Emily:''' [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' And- and musicals. And soundtracks.

'''Emily:''' Well, what’s ''your'' favorite artist?

'''Chris:''' Uh, my favorite artist? Well, he didn’t raise me on it, but, y'know, my favorite ss- uh... ''singer'' is [[Britney Spears]].

'''Emily:''' Britney Spears?

'''Bob:''' And, uh, he's got all- uh, mine are all back from the '40s, and '30s, and '20s, and-

'''Emily:''' And he’s into… more ''modern'' pop music?

'''Chris:''' Although… I guess if I had to pick a ''classic'' favorite, it would have to be ''[[Niggos|Satchmo']]'.

'''Emily:''' "Satchmo"?

'''Chris:''' [[Wikipedia:Louis Armstrong|Louis Armstrong]].

'''Bob:''' And- but I've got him all these big ''classics'' now-

'''Chris:''' [''does terrible Satchmo impression''] "Ten feet off the ground! Ba-doom-ba-bam-bow. [''Worst attempt at scatting ever'']"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''imitates trumpet melody'']

'''Emily:''' [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when it came out. All the European records were [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when they came out, 'cause they were ten, twelve dollars a piece, then, but now, you can get 'em at [[Chris and fashion|Goodwill and Salvation Army]]…

'''Emily:''' Well like-

'''Bob:''' A ''quarter'' to ''fifty'' cents apiece.

'''Emily:''' [''feigning enthusiastic agreement''] Yeah! [''laughs weakly'']

'''Bob:''' ''Thousands'' of them now!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And inside, uh, I found out that inside this, um… um… ''greenhouse''…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Bob:''' It's got a ''dome'' ceiling… which gives it the ca- ''cathedral'' kind of [unintelligible]

'''Bob:''' Well... I found this ''great'' stereo system at, uh- in the [[1970s]], at Goodwill… and put ''it'' out there… along with the swing.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And... if you turn the volume up, then that music just sounds like it’s the hall where they ''recorded'' it! Ah– it's great! Goin' out there and swingin' with my music for hours on end!

'''Emily:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily'']

'''Emily:''' That must be really relaxing!

'''Bob:''' Well, yeah– it's a nice life!

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely'']

===Bob's health problems (0:24:23–0:25:29)===

'''Bob:''' If I didn't have to worry about ''him'', I'd be in ''great'' shape!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs sympathetically'']

'''Bob:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' [''laughs nervously''] [unintelligible] But he's been- still been in… good shape all his [unintelligible, seems like gibberish] I mean, he's been in- he's been through, uh, ''three'' triple- ''two'' triple-bypasses?

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I was supposed to ''die'' in 1980.

'''Emily:''' Oh, no! What happened?

'''Bob:''' In fact, I ''did''.

'''Emily:''' What happened?

'''Bob:''' I [[Tobacky|smoked]] too much…

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Bob:''' And, um... I worked for GE.

'''Bob:''' I did [[Barbara|all this dumb stuff I shouldn't have]].

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Yeah- but yeah– he- but yes– uh...

'''Bob:''' And, um...

'''Chris:''' God let him survive!

'''Bob:''' I had a couple [[Heart level|heart attacks]], and...

'''Emily:''' [''responding to Chris''] Yeah– [[Chris|for]] [[Burger King|a]] [[Barbara|reason]]!

'''Chris:''' And he's got a [[Wikipedia:Artificial pacemaker|pacemaker]] now!

'''Bob:''' Yeah... I- I've been through- I lived through a [[Wikipedia:Triple bypass|triple-bypass]] in [[1980]] when they were brand new.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' And survived that… so, [[Chris and death|I've only died a couple times!]] And then, I got- I got through that. Then, ''he'' came along.

'''Chris:''' Hey! He come-

'''Bob:''' And then, I- I got retired…

'''Chris:''' Hey!

'''Emily:''' Hmm?

'''Chris:''' Yeah– hey– he's the one that's b- that has seen the light, but did not actually go ''to'' it…

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And, um...

'''Chris:''' A ''number'' of times.

'''Bob:''' I had ''another'' triple-bypass in [[1992|'92]]… And I died a couple times that [''unintelligible''] And that was at Chippenham, over in Chester County.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

===Memories of High School (0:25:30–0:26:12)===

'''Bob:''' And, uh... when I was over there with him, I- I put him to school through, uh, ''Chesterfield'' County's school system.

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Bob:''' Well, they're the best in the country…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Bob:''' For- for schools, ''I'' think.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Bob:''' And- and, um...

'''Chris:''' [[Manchester High]].

'''Emily:''' [''uninterested''] Oh, really?

'''Bob:''' Then, um...

'''Chris:''' That's my birthstone: [[Amnyfest Ring|amnyfest]].

'''Emily:''' And the ''side'' of it… What does it say: "Lancers"?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Is that- wait– is that your mascot?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Then…what's on the other side? "[[2000]]"?

'''Chris:''' Yes... that's my class and coat'a arms.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' [[Manchester High School]]. And look at the jewel! It's a galaxy cut on top, and a [[rainbow]] on the bottom. If you look at- in the ring-

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' Do you see-

'''Emily:''' I see it!

'''Chris:''' Do you see the rainbow?

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [[speech impediment|Well, anyway, like, y'know,]] I guess that's enough- y'know, that's enough talk from ''him''. Uh... you were gonna ask…

'''Emily:''' Aww...

'''Chris:''' ''Me'' something?

===The "Sonichu Girls" Club (0:26:13–0:29:01)===

'''Bob:''' Now, I wanna find out about these… ''Sonichu'' Girls!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Sonichu Girls?

'''Bob:''' 'Cause I didn't know about them.

'''Emily:''' Oh– didn't… Chris tell you about them?

'''Bob:''' No– he doesn't- no– he doesn't normally- he doesn't… ''tell'' me much about them, so... See– he's a- he- he and his mother [[Biological clock|stay up all night]]… and I stay up all day.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Uh... actually reminds me more- actually, we're more- sometimes, you stay up in the day; sometimes, you stay up in the night.

'''Emily:''' So, you've got, like, ''mixed''… like, sleep schedules, I guess?

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... my mom- and my- my mom picked up my bad biological- my messed-up [[biological clock]].

'''Bob:''' Yeah...

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Bob:''' She stays up all night! But anyway... I- I- yeah– I found out about 'em from… I guess, when you called on the phone…

'''Emily:''' Oh! [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And- and left a message.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– it's a pretty big fanbase. Um... there's actually about- about 30-some girls… at University of West Virginia who, like, are part of the fan club.

'''Bob:''' Hmm!

'''Emily:''' And then, there's- I mean, there's, uh, plenty of others, like, around the world, too, that- we talk to… um, on the forums that we have?

'''Bob:''' Uh-huh.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Do- you got one here in UVA?

'''Emily:''' I don't know… [''giggles''] I don't have very many friends at UVA.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] That's why I heard- that's why.

'''Bob:''' VCU's [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah. They're a lot more laid-back over there.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. Well, they're in the sand! How else could you be?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' 'Cause in the sand, you have to be laid-back.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' Y'know, I was curious about this- this club…

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' I- I didn't know he even knew about it! ''I'' didn't know about it. I think it's great!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Hey– I've been on the [[IRC|Internet chat]]! And plus, y'know...

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Y'know, certain-

'''Bob:''' Plus [[medallion|the ''medallion'']], Christian!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... um...

'''Bob:''' He's got this yellow medallion with Sonichu on it…

'''Emily:''' Yeah! Why- why aren't you wearing your… [''suddenly concerned''] m- medallion?

'''Chris:''' Um... I just believe I expressed that, uh... in a video on, uh, [[YouTube]]? But I- I, uh...

'''Emily:''' I might've missed that; I'm not sure.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– um... I'd rather not say in front of- I'd rather not say in front of ''Father''… but, uh...

'''Bob:''' There's a lot of things he doesn't tell me; he doesn't share things with me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh''... [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' [whispering] If I told him why, he'd have ''another'' heart attack…

'''Emily:''' Oh, no! [''laughs politely'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' Whatever.

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely again'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah... But I mean, y'know… think of it this way: at least you don't have another face that you have- you don't- it saves you one face to have to look at!

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– and look at 'em, y'know: they're ashually ''[[Heterochromia|green-blue]]''.

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I see it!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– pink eye in that eye, and then, uh, the prescribed eye drops changed the pigment!

'''Emily:''' Wow... I didn't know that… could happen! [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. ''Yeah''... looks like you kinda, like, uh, have green-brown eyes yourself?

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Emily:''' I thought they were just plain brown! [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– it's just that- y'know, it's- the angle of the light kinda gave it a little bit of a greenish tint…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] might be blue...

===Emily isn't hungry (0:29:02–0:29:58)===

'''Chris:''' Yeah... but ''anyway'', uh… you came all the way from VCU; uh... you hungry?

'''Emily:''' Oh– no, I'm not hungry. I ate on the way here, really.

'''Chris:''' Oh– you-

'''Emily:''' Stopped at, like, a rest stop. Got some vending m- [''laughs nervously''] vending machine snacks… and that's it.

'''Chris:''' ''Oh.'' That's good. That's good; uh... ''Father'' was thinkin' about, like- was gonna get us ''spaghetti'', and, uh... [''truly flustered''] we wanna sh- we wanna split it be- he was gonna split it between me, and, uh... I'm gonna split mine with you…

'''Emily:''' Oh, no… I'm not hungry. Thank you, though!

'''Chris:''' [weakly] Yeah.

'''Bob:''' We usually split a [[SpaghettiRoutine|spaghetti]], 'cause I- I can't eat it all!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... it's a really big bowl for him…

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Really… ''whoop!''

[''Emily laughs and Chris chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' It's not as big as I'd like… y'know... it's bigger!

'''Emily:''' No… [''giggles'']

'''Chris:''' Let's see… well, Dad– why don't you go get your spaghetti?

'''Bob:''' Do you want some?

'''Emily:''' No. I'm- I'm not hungry. Thank you, though…

'''Chris:''' Yeah... we could get you some ''water''.

'''Emily:''' No– I'm not thirsty, as well.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Okay– well, go ahead and get your sh- go ahead and get the spaghetti, Father.

'''Bob:''' Alright.

===Bob's health problems revisited (0:29:59–0:32:11)===

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I got one other thing I was gonna tell you about…

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' Since we've talked about it: on that, uh... I've died about five times now. The last time, I was at [[Golden Corral]]. The restaurant?

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Chris:''' And… my mom was there with him.

'''Bob:''' [''chuckles''] I just… hit the floor!

'''Emily:''' Oh, no!

'''Chris:''' No– not really; uh... he was- uh, he was pullin' out his credit c- not really "hit the floor", but… he was pullin' out his, uh, credit card?

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Chris:''' And he would've… hit a- he was standing in front of, like, the cash register, and there was a bar railing there; the bar rail was there. If he- if my mom wasn't there to catch him…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' His- like his guardian angel, he would'a hit the bar and would've been… worse…

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Would've been worse off!

'''Emily:''' Oh, wow...

'''Bob:''' But anyway, uh, now, I've got a pacemaker.

'''Emily:''' Wow. [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– and ''that's'' when he got his pacemaker.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' I guess that won't happen in, uh...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' But I- I think the real reason why I survived all those attacks… which I think I'm ''proud'' of…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Bob:''' I don't know about you.

'''Chris:''' ''He's'' proud of it.

'''Bob:''' ''I'm'' proud of it. I don't know whether ''he'' is or not.

'''Chris:''' I'm proud of him, for it!

'''Bob:''' But I'm, um- I found out a few years ago- about… 10 or 15 years ago…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Bob:''' That I was… at least one-fourth [[Cherokee]]!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– so, that makes me an eighth… Cherokee.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, I figured that- and then, I checked back all my father's… relatives [unintelligible] all the way up to be up in their 80s, and 90s, and even over ''100'' sometimes.

'''Emily:''' Dang! [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Well, I figured: well, that's why I keep bouncin' back from this.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' This ain't [[September 2011|my time]] yet.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– either that or, uh, God's lettin' him stick around for my… c- for ''my'' case.

'''Bob:''' Somebody's gotta look out for him!

'''Emily:''' Oh... [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' [''cackles'']

'''Chris:''' [''cackles almost identically'']

'''Bob:''' Somebody's gotta pay the bills!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously again'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah… okay, Dad, uh... you s- alright, Dad-

'''Bob:''' Now- now, I'm dismissed, so I can go eat.

'''Emily:''' Oh... [''laughs nervously yet again'']

'''Chris:''' Well… not really "dismissed", because… y'know, I'm [[Obesity|a little hungry myself]]… So… [''laughs nervously''] y'know, Dad, please go get the spaghetti and the bread.

'''Bob:''' You sure you don't want something?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I'm sure. Thank you for asking, though.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– y'know, I was concerned, myself.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Well, I'll let you two talk… mainly to save the table…

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah…

'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily''] Then, I'll come back, and… If you don't mind us eatin' in front of you!

'''Emily:''' I don't mind.

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' You better tell me more about this club you've got!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

[''Bob walks away'']

===Chris fails at flirting (0:32:12–0:36:48)===

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Yeah– y'know, you- uh... I must say you look ''good''.

'''Emily:''' Oh– thank you!

'''Chris:''' And, y'know, you are the first, uh, female Sonichu fan to have actually come a long distance to see me.

'''Emily:''' Oh– well, it's not that far! I’m sure, like, maybe some of the girls from VCU would come down sometime: like, maybe during s- uh... summer break.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but I mean, at least all the way from, uh, West Virginia.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' I mean, that’s farther than VCU, I'm sure.

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely''] We might take a road trip down here.

'''Chris:''' [in a sing-song voice] "Take a road trip! It's a little road trip!"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. [''does terrifying [[Donald Duck impersonation|Donald Duck impression]]''] "And this is my [[duck]] talk! This is, uh, Donald Duck!"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] [almost fearful] Is that the one that scared that child?

'''Chris:''' Uh... at the-

'''Emily:''' At [[Wendy's|Wendy’s]].

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Emily:''' I don’t know how that’s scary.

'''Chris:''' No– not- not- no– not- really scary; y'see, he was ''tired''…

'''Emily:''' ''Oh''... okay. So, you…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' But it makes a lot of children smile, ‘cause they’re familiar with that D- classic Disney character.

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... you mi- you don’t mind if I t- if I, uh, have my hand on your shoulder?

'''Emily:''' Uh, not for too long…

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] "Not for too long".

'''Emily:''' ''Okay''... not- not for too long…

'''Chris:''' Okay [''incredibly creepily'']...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. [''chuckles again''] This is like- wow– I finally… get, like, this… beautiful girl in front of me…

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] Thank you.

'''Chris:''' And she's like- and she actually got to know ''me''.

'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Just, like, y'know, uh... Yeah. So… what’s your- what's the reason you need ''your'' [[glasses]] for? I’m ''near-''sighted myself.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’m nearsighted, as well.

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' I don’t have very good eyes.

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] It's like, y'know, [[The Creepy Stare|we’re close, so it's like, y'know, we don’t need glasses to see each other]]…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Do we?

'''Emily:''' Hmm... no– it's still blurry…

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... Mmm. How do you look without that hat? I mean, I want- I'd like to see the, uh…

'''Emily:''' I- I like this hat. My hair doesn’t look good today.

'''Chris:''' Oh…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Your hair doesn’t look good today? Are you sure?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’m sure. [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' How’s my [[hair]] look?

'''Emily:''' It looks good!

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Looks good. [''chuckles''] Boy– I've had it sleepin' against ''pillows''… and I took a shower before I went- before I went to- um, crashing on the… couch.

'''Emily:''' [slightly disgusted] Oh...

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but I put on some, uh, bod- body s- some [[Axe|Axe body spray]] before I left. Do you like that smell?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– it depends on which one it is.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Uh, which one is it?

'''Chris:''' I believe it's, uh... it's called "Proximity".

'''Emily:''' Oh– I ''really'' like the choc- the new chocolate one.

'''Chris:''' Oh– the, uh, "[[Niggos|Dark Temptation]]"…

'''Emily:''' ''Yeah.''

'''Chris:''' Oh– I was running low on that can anyway.

'''Emily:''' Oh... okay.

'''Chris:''' It's like I- if I- if I- if we- if we was [[Third date|hookin' up]], I would've gotten more of that!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

[Note: Chris both stutters ''and'' laughs through "if we was hookin' up", so it's not at all clear that Emily realizes what she's laughing at.]

'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] But seriously, though: you ''are'' cute.

'''Emily:''' Oh– thank you.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. ''Mmm''... Yeah– I like- I like this- I like this- I like the get-up you’re wearing. It's like you're- you c- you straight- came straight from, uh... the, uh, ''[[Wikipedia:Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon|PGSM]]''… show.

'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah... [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' It's the live-action ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’ve seen some of the episodes for that.

'''Chris:''' I’ve got the entire series-

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Saved to my [[PlayStation 3]], including the, uh, wedding episode.

'''Emily:''' Oh– I don’t… think I’ve… seen that one… so…

'''Chris:''' It's, like, the very- it's, like, a very special ''last'' episode.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [''in a strange, baby-like voice''] You actually get to see ''[http://sailormoon.wikia.com/wiki/Usagi_Tsukino Usagi]''… [''back to his normal voice''] and, uh- aww, shoot– I forget his name, but, y'know...

'''Emily:''' Uh... Mamoru?

'''Chris:''' Yeah– Samoru. That’s it; ''you'' got it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' You ''got'' it!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' You got it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I used to be a really big fan of ''Sailor Moon''. Well, I still am; I’m just not as big of a fan as… nowadays.

'''Chris:''' Did you see [''unintelligible''] entire [[anime]] series?

'''Emily:''' Um, I haven’t seen the ''last'' season.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– [[Wikipedia:List of Sailor Moon Sailor Stars episodes|''Sailor Stars'']].

'''Emily:''' ''Yeah''... 'cause it didn’t come out in America, 'cause they’re, like, afraid of the [[Silvana Rosechu|transsexuals]]?

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] Yeah.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously'']

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah... Yeah– I kn- I know that. But I ''have'' that on, uh- I have that on ''[[DVD]]''-

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Uh, y'know, with J- Japanese audio and [[English]] subtitles.

'''Emily:''' How do you feel about that? Like, the [[Tomgirl pictures|transsexuals]] and… the [[Wikipedia:Sailor Starlights|Sailor Starlights]]?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Um...

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Does it, like, make you uncomfortable, or… would you-

'''Chris:''' No.

'''Emily:''' Would you have minded if, like, it came out, and the TV showed just, like, [[Pedofork|little kids]]?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Um... ''Yeah''... [''pitiful''] I don’t have much of an opinion…

[''Emily and Chris both laugh'']

'''Emily:''' It's kind of a… sketchy subject, there.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– it's, uh- it's… [''in a British accent''] ''itchy''…

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''pause, laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but you can sketch a lot in your, uh... journalism, don't ya?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. Well, I m- I mean, we don’t draw a lot; we just… We do, like, the little outlines, and then, we start writing.

'''Chris:''' Okay– well, I mean, you- I mean, you sketch your ''letters''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' I bet you sketch your signature pretty… don’t you?

'''Emily:''' No– I thinks it's, uh- it's just basically a buncha' scribbles.

[''Chris and Emily both laugh'']

'''Chris:''' Eh... a lot of people would say that about their signatures, I’m sure.

'''Emily:''' Well, I mean, some people just, like, put an 'X' for their signature, and that’s it.

'''Chris:''' ''Ah''... but not you. You put…

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' An 'E' and… an 'S', basically. [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Uh- uh, an S?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– Emily Schiflett.

'''Chris:''' Oh– ''that’s'' your last name!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' "Schiflett".

'''Emily:''' Yeah– my middle name’s [[Julie|Jul]][[Kacey|ia]].

'''Chris:''' ''"Julia"!''

'''Emily:''' ''Yeah.''

'''Chris:''' "Emily Julia Schiflett".

'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Flows nicely, doesn’t it?

'''Chris:''' It's beautiful!

'''Emily:''' Aww... thank you.

'''Chris:''' D- do you dot your I in "Julia" with a heart?

'''Emily:''' No... [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles'']

[''pause'']

===Eating spaghetti and conversing (0:36:49–0:44:46)===

[''Bob comes back'']

'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] Alright, Dad– uh, I'll let you, uh, divvy up the spaghetti onto my plate.

'''Bob:''' I get to divvy it up!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' Wow! Christian– I don't know… I tell you, my ''treat'' to finally come down here! I love their spaghetti!

'''Emily:''' ''Oh''... really? I don't think- I've only had their pizza there… before…

'''Bob:''' Yeah– the, um- all the spaghetti places in town are [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|too expensive]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' My favorite, though, is, um, Olive Garden.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh.''

'''Chris:''' Yeah– b- but-

'''Bob:''' But they don't have one here!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' But they should have one here.

'''Bob:''' ''I'' think they should.

'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah…

'''Chris:''' You ever been to an Olive Garden?

'''Emily:''' Mm-mmm.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Well, yeah– it's a good place to, uh, get, uh, spaghetti.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' I- I've actually- yeah– y'know, I was there with my father… when- the few times we visited, uh, Olive Garden.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– a good place to get, uh, spaghetti; really good. [pause] And also, we've been to the, uh, few, uh, nearly- to the ''other'' nearly [[Speech impediment|esstinct]], uh, restaurants: y'know, like [[wikipedia:Shoney's|Shoney's]] and WesterN SizzliN.

'''Emily:''' Oh– I haven't seen a Shoney's around in a ''while!''

'''Chris:''' There's one in Chesterfield Count- there's a bun—there's a few in the Richmond area…

'''Bob:''' And one over close to VCU!

'''Emily:''' Oh! Really? I didn't see it! [''laughs politely''] Of course, I'm- I'm usually not looking for them, so…

'''Chris:''' Yeah– we even ha- yeah– we even- at- at home, somewhere, we even have a t- we even have the- the [[Li'l Chris|teddy bear]]: the "Shoney Bear".

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' The Shoney Bear?

'''Chris:''' Yeah– it's- that was their mascot.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' And I mean, if you look it up- if you look up "Shon"- if you- I'm sure if you Googled "Shoney's", you'd, uh... find their mascot being the teddy-

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Being the bear.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [''in a somewhat cutesy voice''] "Bein' the bear in the shirt…"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' [unintelligible] "to… wan- to wan- to… gawk- to ''gander'' at!"

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' Christian– they got lots of juice!

[''Chris chuckles and Emily laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Well, ''you'' can have it…

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' I don't need to, uh, [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|''slobber'' all over myself]]… Especially in front of my, uh, "[[Gal-pal|lady friend]]", here.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] Aww...

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Bob:''' [[Duck|Do ya need a little bit more?]] [long pause] You can deal ''without''…

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– he doesn't usually eat the bread, so, uh, I'll take his- so, [[Obesity|I take his breadsticks]].

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' I'm gonna go get some more water.

'''Emily:''' Okay!

'''Chris:''' I'll be right back.

[''Chris walks away'']

[''pause'']

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] share with him.

'''Emily:''' [laughs politely]

'''Bob:''' I share with my wife. [unintelligible] She had to stay home today.

'''Emily:''' Does she do anything for a living or is she retired as well?

'''Bob:''' She's retired. She used to be a secretary. She worked for uh, General Power.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' You know, our nice power company, whatever they're called now... Dominion?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And uh, she worked for, um,[[Wikipedia:Circuit City|Circuit City]] for a while before she retired.

'''Emily:''' Well good thing she's gone- she got out of Circuit City before they started going downhill.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, well they were going downhill [unintelligible] retired.

'''Emily:''' Oh really?

'''Bob:''' Yeah, [''unintelligible''] got retirement. She didn't retire 'til, a couple- three years ago. She's younger than I am... everybody is!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' But she's younger than I am, but uh [pause] [unintelligible] she uh worked [''Chris comes back''] She loves that band there, over there. I like the band there. She loves that. Grey Street. Grey Street. [''a Dave Matthews Band [[parody|tribute]]'']

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' Do you know where Grey Street is over there? Do you uh, Do you know where the Burger King is over there by BP is?

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] Yeah.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''unintelligible, Emily is laughing as he says it'']

'''Bob:''' The [[Burger King]] is on Price Street.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' I-I-I'm an engineer [''unintelligible''] uh, Main, uh, what you would call Main Street.

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' VCU is all back in [pause] all back in here like this,

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] and downtown Richmond is this way.

'''Chris:''' [says something about [[Pokémon]]]

'''Bob:''' He loooves Pokémon.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, we used to come down here for the Pokémon League or uh [''unintelligible''] Yeah, I remember that.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Well VCU is-is you is-is here. Well all around in here, they're everywhere, but fifth Avenue is over there.

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' And Grey Street is three blocks, all the way through there like this where the lower side of VCU is.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And they got all their little restaurants and their little stores and things like that and they're all along Grey Street.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And where his mother lived for about twenty years was right about here... On Grey Street.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Hey, by the way you know I have eaten with uh, chopsticks before.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' See there?

'''Emily:''' That may be kind of hard with a fork and a knife. [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Heh heh heh hey that's close enough.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [laughs]

'''Chris:''' I can't...

'''Bob:''' Yeah, well while we were over there in Richmond.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, are you a little bit [[Ching Chong|Chinese or Asian or Japanese]]?

'''Emily:''' Nuh-uh.

'''Bob:''' I think it's just from wearin' glasses.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I think it's just the glasses... And the dark hair. [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' My best friend over there was Reverend Chen of the Korean Church.

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Chris:''' And this is in Chesterfield County.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. And he was from [[Wikipedia:Seoul|Seoul]], Korea, and I was in Seoul for about a year. Went in about the time he was born.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' But he was my best friend over there, and I used to spend talking with and talking to. Because he was really interested in the world.

'''Emily:''' Mmhm.

'''Bob:''' And I'm really world oriented, and my favorite institution is the United Nations.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' I think they're the answer to everything we got in this world... but... [''delayed pause''] We went to the Korean church while we were over there in Chesterfield County when he was in school. I tell you, that's where picked up the chopsticks.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' [Starts talking but is cut off by Chris.]

'''Chris:''' They gave me, they gave me [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|my Bible]] that I used in my Sundays- days... when I graduated from [[High School]].

'''Emily:''' Is it part, like, in the other language? Or-

'''Bob''' and '''Chris:''' No.

'''Emily:''' Uh, only English, okay. I know there's some that have like two different languages in it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a [[Honor roll|King England- It's a King England Bible]].

'''Bob:''' And what they do in the Church, they-they [trails off quietly]

'''Chris:''' King's English, whatever it is.

'''Bob:''' [''still quiet, hard to hear''] ...Korean.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' It's all Korean language, except for a few of 'em. And then they had like, a wireless [''unintelligible''], those little earphones, where you could hear the translation.

'''Emily:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' It was kind of neat, I-I enjoyed it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, everybody was able to bring their own food and we'd get to sample it for uh-, and we'd get to have a nice lunch meal every Sunday there.

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] You like [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|spicy food]]?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I like- I like spicy.

'''Bob:''' What I was gonna say, uh, [[Wikipedia:Kimchi|kimchi]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. Go away, you know?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Too spicy for you?

'''Bob:''' Yeah, it's too spicy for me.

'''Chris:''' [''sounding it out''] Kim-chi, hm.

'''Bob:''' But, uh, like they told me if anything that's red, forget it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' Except your spaghetti sauce, right Dad?

'''Bob:''' They didn't have spaghetti sauce, no they watched that to me, they gave me that more bland stuff.

'''Emily:''' Oh. [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' I even-I-I-I even had my own special fork.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' If it was me I can handle spicy, seriously, I can even probably even handle the kid-the kid- the kimchi, what he said.

'''Bob:''' That's- that's-

'''Emily:''' I can't handle spicy food that well, it upsets my stomach.

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Bob:''' I like jalapeño a little bit

'''Emily:''' [chuckles]

'''Bob:''' -a little jalapeño. I love [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Hah, yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''something more about jalapeños, followed by silence''] Yeah, they told me anything that was red, don't pick it up.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

[''silence'']

===Bob on World News (0:44:47–0:51:00)===

'''Bob:''' Yeah, I miss Reverend Chen, he was- he was really interested in learning about the world.

'''Emily:''' Mhm.

'''Bob:''' And he didn't have much of a chance-[''hard to hear''] and we- we'd sit there and talk, at [[McDonald's]]-

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' every morning, for 2 to 3 hours, and just go through ''[[Wikipedia:The Washington Post|The Washington Post]]'', page by page, you know, just learning about the world

'''Emily:''' Good. I wish I could, like, pick up the newspaper and read more. I mean I pick up, like, our [[:File:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|school newspaper]] and that's about it, but I mean when it comes to world events I read some of the articles, but I mean some of them I just can't get into.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, it's a new thing on TV.

'''Emily:''' Mhm?

'''Bob:''' At least we have it here on Comcast... I don't know what you have though.

'''Emily:''' I'm not sure what-

'''Bob:''' Over there.

'''Emily:''' I'm not sure what-

'''Bob:''' But, it's a program on public television, it's really a station here, we have three different stations, [''unintelligible''] and one of them's called World News. [''says call sign''], World News.

'''Emily:''' I don't think we have that.

'''Bob:''' And, they uh-they have uh English translations of everything on it, but they have programs that originate all over the world. [unintelligible] So you see how [[Molvania|the rest of the world]] looks at [[United States of America|the U.S.]]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So you see what they're saying about us and what's going on over there. Half the time I find out things that are happening in the United States, that somebody in Germany or [[Molvania|Russia]] or [[China]] or in [[Anime|Japan]]-

'''Emily:''' [laughs] That's always nice.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, that's one of my my favorite stations, and they have it here. I-it's a public radio sponsored thing, but it's called World View.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' W.V.

'''Emily:''' I think my school has that, I'm not sure, I might have not never noticed or anything like that.

'''Bob:''' Well they might have it, because it's very educational.

'''Emily:''' I like watching Discovery Channel.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, I watch Discovery, and World Discovery Science, and World History, and-

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Yeah there's lots to see on TV. In fact, uh, I can give you a tip that you can pass along. Christian thought of it. He came up with it, believe it or not. He taught himself to read.

'''Emily:''' Really?

'''Bob:''' Oh he could really read, by turning on the closed captions on the TV.

'''Emily:''' Wow, that's-

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' That's go-that's clever!

'''Bob:''' I keep telling everybody I know including all these learning Ph.D.'s, and psychologists,

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And everybody, you know [''unintelligible''] you got a kid that's [[Autism|all wired up]], [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' Turn on the closed captions, [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] and they learn how to read!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Bob:'''But they won't listen to me, I'm just an 81 year old fogey!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' But he came up with-

'''Emily:''' But you know they'll come up with it and someone else will take the credit for it later on.

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible''] I don't think it really matters, but he came up with it

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

[Bob fades into background noise]

'''Bob:''' ...I thought it was such a phenomenally good idea. [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Well he-he's got a photographic memory.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' But I think those were the [[autism]] a little bit.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' And I got an audio memory too. [''apparently they were talking about him'']

'''Bob:''' Cause he can, you ever heard of, um ''Mario World''?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [chuckles]

'''Chris:''' [''chimes in to correct, [[Autism|sounds a bit upset]]''] He's talking about ''[[Wikipedia:Super Mario World|Super Mario World]]''.

'''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Well in three days, he-he [''unintelligible stuttering''] killed [[Wikipedia:Bowser|King Koopa]]. I can't get off of ''[[Wikipedia:Yoshi's Island|Yoshi's Island]]''.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] I'm not very good at those games either. [''more laughing'']

'''Bob:''' The reason he is, is cause he can remember all those different moves.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' It's like taking a picture, [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] I reckon I wanna know about that.

'''Chris:''' I'll tell you one thing, you've got pretty face. [''not a mistake'']

'''Emily:''' Aww, thank you.

'''Bob:''' She looks like [[Wikipedia:Marcie|Margie]], doesn't she?

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Bob:''' She looks like Margie.

'''Chris:''' What you mean the ''[[Peanuts]]'' character Margie?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' You know Margie?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs again'']

'''Chris:''' Uh...no. [''cuts off Bob with more laughter from Emily''] No, I'd say if anything she uh, wait a minute I'm trying to...I'm trying to figure it out. Um...

'''Bob:''' She doesn't look like Peppermint Patty.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah I'd say, uh, you compare when-when tied up there, you look more like, uh Rei from PGSM.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, [pause] she's one of my favorite characters.

'''Chris:''' You like [[Wikipedia:Sailor Mars|Sailor Mars]], [''lame voice''] Flame Sniper!

[''pause'']

'''Emily:''' Who's your favorite character?

'''Chris:''' Um, with the exception of uh Usagi and [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Chibi-Usa]]. I like, uh, Ami.

'''Emily:''' Any particular reason, like?

'''Chris:''' [chuckle] Well, I don't know it's just like you know

'''Emily:''' Cause she's smart?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' And uh also, I think it's, I think also it's the blue hair, I'm not sure.

'''Emily:''' Do you like blue?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, blue is my favorite color, what's your favorite color?

'''Emily:''' I like [[Pickle|green]].

'''Chris:''' You like green. I guess you like Jupiter.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, sort of. [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''apparently doing a horrendous impression of [[Wikipedia:Sailor Jupiter|Sailor Jupiter]]''] Jupi-tahhh!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [clears throat] [to Bob]You know, if you uhh, if uhh, you moved, uh, the car, you'd- you'd be all right by yourself at this point, right?

'''Bob:''' I been takin' care of myself for eighty-one years!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Aww.

'''Chris:''' I mean, it's like, uhh you know, if you, uhh, don't feel like sitting around any more, we can go, uhh, walk and talk.

'''Emily:''' I don't want to leave him by himself. I mean...

'''Chris:''' He's all right.

'''Emily:''' Will you be here at the mall very much longer, or...

'''Bob:''' I dunno.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Well, if he's here by the time we get back, he'll be here for that much longer.

'''Emily:''' OK...

'''Bob:''' I can stick around, but I'm slow.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, he's slow.

'''Bob:''' I like to eat slow, [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|I don't gobble my food]] [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

===The Bear Band (0:51:01–0:55:23)===

'''Bob:''' -enjoy it, savor it-

'''Chris:''' You know I taste my food and savor it as well. At least my first bite.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs''] [''unintelligible''] Even faster than you!

'''Bob:''' After that it's [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah but by the way, you know it's on one of my shirts. It's on [[Chris and fashion|my favorite]] shirt, you know, the one I draw myself in often.

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I felt it was appropriate for uh, being my first female [[Sonichu]] fan...

'''Emily:''' [''interrupts with a laugh''] Thank you.

'''Chris:''' ... have come a long distance.

'''Emily:''' Thank you. Anyway, where do you want to walk off to?

'''Chris:''' Uh, you know, uh, anywhere in the mall.

'''Bob:''' All those exciting things around the mall.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, doesn't look... [[Duck|it's not very big]]. [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' You're right.

'''Chris:''' Yeah I have. I wish it was two story, like Regency Square.

'''Emily:''' Where's that?

'''Chris:''' It's in Chest'field County.

'''Bob:''' No, it's not in [''???'']...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs over Bob'']

'''Bob:''' ...County. It's close [''inaudible''] It's across the river.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

{{anchor|Christopher}}
'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] ...That's that big shopping center over in north, north-west side of Richmond.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. I've never heard of it.

[[File:BearsteinbyChris.jpg|right|thumb|Regency Square Bear Band]]

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and it has a Bear Band there... that's uh, where I got...that's where I learned about "Christian" and got my name changed from "Christopher" to "Christian."

'''Bob:''' How come none of your fans know about it?

'''Chris:''' For one I didn't share it arou- didn't talk about it very much.

'''Bob:''' When he was born... I was too chicken to name him "Christian."

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Wow.

'''Bob:''' I was too... so I named him "Christopher."

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' But I really wanted to name him "Christian."

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And so, when he was... what? Seven or eight years old...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' ...we were over at Regency Square...

'''Chris:''' Yeah I think his photo...

'''Bob:''' ...at [[Christmas]] time. And they had this automated Bear Band.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Like... they had bear characters that were playing instruments, and one of them was conducting and singing.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And...but underneath there was this old man fella talking, and he had a camera, so he could see who he was talking to. And he [''inaudible''] talking to the Bear.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] was British...had a British accent anyway. But he was talking to Christopher. And he asked Chris-he asked uh, Chris his name. He said "Christopher," but he misunderstood.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And he thought he said Christian.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' So he started calling him Christian.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Over there... at the mall.

'''Emily:''' Mm.

'''Bob:''' Guess he liked that, and uh, so later we got- later we got... later we did all the paperwork.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Made it official, changed it from-from "Christopher" to "Christian."

'''Emily:''' Well at least he got the name that you wanted to give him.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, yeah I know. But...and then Christian came along with later and confided in me like he does sometimes...

'''Emily:''' [awkward laugh]

'''Bob:''' ...sometimes, that he had so much- too many [[stress|problems]] here in [[Greene County]], north of here where we live.

[loud cough, probably Chris]

'''Bob:''' It's a little small county 'n rural. Got... maybe 10,000 people in there.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' It's about ten... yeah, about ten miles up the road.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And, uh... he had so much trouble over the school system there. They tried to put him in an institution for years. For years I fought 'em in court.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And I kept winning and winning and winning, but finally I took him to Richmond to go to school...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' ...to get him away from...them.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And I spent seven years over there with him in a townhouse while his mother was working over here.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' But, um...anyway, he confided in me one day after we changed his name.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' He was all, "I really wanted to change my name to uh, to be a Christian as a new life in Chesterfield County...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' We left Christopher over there with those people in Greene County.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but then here's the [unintelligible] I thought...I real-I realized, uh, later after we came back to our [[Ruckersville]] home here.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' Uh...yeah, um...after we came back I started hearing Christopher, like you know, Christopher Thorndyke from ''[[Wikipedia:Sonic X|Sonic X]]'', at least.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' It's like... it's like- like you know...at the same time it's like th-those...it's like the past spirit of Christopher saying [''high-pitched voice''] "You should change your name!"

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Anyway, we're still... we're still back in the same house, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] programmed... I had an interesting life...

'''Emily:''' I don't know.

===Chris's card game history (0:55:24–0:59:24)===

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] Now I can play around... [''Chris talks over him'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Well actually, uh, also you know, [''inaudible; possibly 'brace yourself for the history of how it originally started'.''] [coughs] In Chesterfield County in 1998.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' In the February [[1998|'98]] issue of ''[[Nintendo Power]]'', uh... they had the p- the had the uh, they had the Char- they had the Charmeleon Pokémon card from the first base set.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Two months...yeah, like a month or two after that, over by the [[Books-A-Million]] I signed up for the Pok... I uh, with...uh...within that time I uh learned to play the game after I picked up some cards from the deck. Then I went to the Poké- I started going to the Pokémon league over there, at the Books-a-Million.

'''Bob or possibly a bystander:''' Oh my god.

'''Chris:''' Then we moved back to Ruckersville, uh, been around, uh, went to Pokemon League over at, uh, [[Toys|Toys "R" Us]], then uh [''inaudible, sounds like "The End".'], and uh, finally over at [[The Game Place|The, uh, Game Place]].

'''Bob:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' But then they [[Banned|kicked me out]], uh, last... June of last year.

'''Emily:''' Was that at the Toys "R" Us or, uh, the End...?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, they don't...they don't do that anymore [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' You could always, like, go back to those places, I mean, maybe they've...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' ...got other [[card games]] that you can play.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well [clears throat] I think why- also why one of the reasons why I decided to go back to playing ''[[Eye of Judgment]]''.

'''Emily:''' Mm.

'''Chris:''' I'm going to the online tournament that's like starting today.

'''Emily:''' Are you gonna...are you joining? Or...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it's basically all I have to do is go online and play against...

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' ...oh... uh... against opponents like around the world.

'''Emily:''' Oh. Nothing hard. [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' You play him, you'll probably win.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, if I get... if I get within the top 100 I win the free promo cards they're off- offering.

'''Emily:''' Uh, what do you... what do you get if you win like first place, do you know?

'''Chris:''' A title.

'''Emily:''' A title? [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Yep. A title. If I don't go-

'''Emily:''' Why don't-no money or anything like that?

'''Chris:''' No, but...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' ...you know, at least I get the free promo cards.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' And I'd-I'd just as soon get the cards than the title, but if I get the title, then that's just plain dumb luck right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Like [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes|that one time]] you won what, $500 worth of stuff?

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, I-

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, uh, four hunnerdollar gamecar- [[GameStop]] gift card from that ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' gift card.

'''Emily:''' Oh yeah! I voted for you.

'''Chris:''' Thank you.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] You're welcome.

'''Bob:''' But he won.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean I shared it with my church's congre-my church congregation.

'''Emily:''' Well what did you spend your portion... did you spend some of it on yourself?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, I spent it on myself. I got some [[Wii]] games for myself, ''Country Music'' and ''[[RuleCWC|Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess]]''.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, you were popular at the church.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' You gave...you gave about 10 or 15 games away, right?

'''Chris:''' Uh, no, it wasn't-it wasn't like 10 or 15, I'd say it's more like, uh, five or eight.

'''Emily:''' Five or eight.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but you know the top three, you know, the uh... three of the children over there, they uh, they requested from me, they appre-they appreciated it so much they gave me... made this little tree for me and little ah-ah-ah branches...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' And put like the... they put like fun little ornaments, like you know, like you know twist-tie- you know, twist-ties...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' ...and the uh... shoot, what is it?... pipe cleaner.

'''Emily:''' Mm. Oh.

'''Chris:''' [''unintelligible''] pipe cleaner, paper butterflies, pa-paper hearts and pa- uh, used paper clips...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' ...and wrote their names on the... on the card there. It was... a nice little gesture.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' For, you know, appreciation and the fact that I was shar-

'''Emily:''' Yeah, that was very nice for you to do that and for them to thank you like that.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' How about sending me a copy of your publication... of your [[Sonichu Girls]]?

'''Emily:''' What was that again?

'''Bob:''' About sending me a copy.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' I might join. I guess I'd have to change my...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' -[[Tomgirl|gender]], wouldn't I?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' How would you feel about your dad being a Sonichu Girl?

'''Chris:''' Now...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' He could be a... he could be an honorary Sonichu Guy.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' How about that?

'''Emily:''' Yeah, that'll work.

'''Bob:''' You gotta tell me what's going on.

'''Emily:''' You don't know what's going on.

'''Chris:''' [''laughs'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' It's basically girl chatter amongst the four of us, right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

===Girls (0:59:26–1:05:21)===

'''Chris:''' I-I like to see the girls talk. I listened to girls talk a lot back in high school because I have my wide circle of [[gal-pal]]s...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' ...between my high-school years and also my elementary-school years. And also I didn't live my young life. In my neighborhood I was pretty much the only guy in the neighborhood.

'''Emily:''' [laughs] Well then, lucky for you.

'''Chris:''' [''laughs'']

'''Emily:''' [[JERKS|All the other guys]] are jealous.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [''pause''] Yeah.

'''Bob:''' My favorite girl, I guess, on the TV – aside from your mother, who's not on TV – my favorite girl.

'''Chris:''' [[Wikipedia:Shirley Temple|Shirley Temple]]?

'''Bob:''' No, that was back when I was a kid [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but [[Pedofork|you do like Shirley Temple a lot]].

'''Bob:''' And uh, uh this is one that's on uh... MSNBC if you watch that. On the NBC Money channel.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Name is [[Wikipedia:Erin Burnett|Erin Burnett]]. She is a smart girl. She hosts a lot of it. She's been...already been to Russia and Asia already. She must be...no more than 25? She is very smart. She impresses me, she's a really smart girl. Not a brunette, [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' I don't know about [''inaudible'']. [[Kacey|Flakey blondes]].

'''Emily:''' Do you like blondes?

'''Chris:''' I like blondes. But, you know, it's so... [[Women's rights|that's so stereotypical]]...

'''Bob:''' Yes.

'''Chris:''' ...to call 'em flakey cause they're not all flakey.

'''Bob:''' No, they're not. No way.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Like you know Pamela Anderson is very smart.

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [laughs]

'''Chris:''' ...just to name one at least. She wrote the book, ''Star''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [[Wikipedia:Paris Hilton|Paris Hilton]] also wrote a book, too.

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' Have you ever read that?

'''Chris:''' No I no-I haven't even heard of it.

'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah. She wrote her own book.

'''Chris:''' That's cool. [''pause''] I think Britney Spears wrote a book too, didn't she?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [[Britney Spears]] is really smart. Even though people like, diss her blah blah blah saying, but she's pretty intelligent.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. So anyway, there you go. Three blondes, right there, that are sexified [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Hmm... I guess that's why he would be uh, he would-it's one reason he was attracted to my mom, is she reminds him of Marcie, you know?

'''Bob:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' I guess she kind of turned him off being Marcie-ish,

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' being a Marcie type yourself. I mean...

'''Bob:''' She looked like [[Wikipedia:Elizabeth Taylor|Liz Taylor]] then.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Everybody thought she was Liz Taylor.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. By the way, uh Emily, how old did you say you were again?

'''Emily:''' I'm nineteen.

'''Chris:''' Nineteen.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' OK.

'''Emily:''' I started hi- I started college.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you started college as a journalist.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. Something I'd like- I don't want to really, you know, go for a degree where, you know, I won't be happy with it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [''pause'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] No, you keep writing...

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Then you look at it, and put it down for a day or two.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Then you decide [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' There's a... in my creative writing class what we do sometimes is that we write one line each day for a story, and just, every day we just write a different line, and eventually like after maybe a month or two, you know, it's supposed to be a story.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] But then, you pick it up and lay it down, you pick it up and look at it again...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' ...and each time you little minute corrections.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Mild corrections. But that's the way to do it. And if you don't try, you don't-you don't gain nothing [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' You gotta keep trying. You know, you don't give up... who knows, some [[Christopher's name change#Leonard Bearstein|crazy bear]] might come along and call you "Christian."

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''laughs''] What?

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] silly bear might come along and call you "Christian," right?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [''pause''] No, I don't think so. I don't think a-I don't think a British bear could confuse "Emily"...

'''Emily:''' Yeah. I don't-there's no other name that really sounds like Emily.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] there was a writer named [[Wikipedia:Emily Dickinson|Emily]].

'''Chris:''' [[Virgin with rage|Emily Dickinson]]?

'''Bob:''' Yeah, Emily Dickinson.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I couldn't even remember...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|I just slipped]]- [[Semen|it just came up]]. That was the only Emily I could think of who was a writer at the time.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' There's probably a lot of Emilys I'm sure.

'''Bob:''' His mother keeps tellin' me- [''Chris talks over him'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' His mother keeps tellin' me I got more dibs though [''unintelligible''].

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Emily Julia Schifflet.

'''Emily:''' Yep.

'''Chris:''' That's her full name, Dad.

'''Bob:''' Is it Schifflet?

'''Chris''' and '''Emily''' simultaneously: Yep.

'''Bob:''' Well now I want you to know something. If you were in Greene County, they'd welcome you with open arms.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Because Schifflet... and what's the other name up there? Uh, two- two names basically in Greene County. One of 'em's Schifflet, and... Marks, is the other one

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And it was Marks, or Schifflet your native tongue.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Betcha got lotsa relatives up there and don't even know it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I have a lot of, um, a lot of family, but I don't know most of them. I stick with my parents and maybe a few aunts.

'''Bob:''' Where do they live?

'''Emily:''' What was that again?

'''Bob:''' Well, where do your parents live?

'''Emily:''' Oh, they live up in West Virginia too. They moved up there as well.

'''Bob:''' They moved up there.

'''Emily:''' Mhm.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] wild wonderful weather.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, they don't have...they-they wanna let me go on my own, really. [''pause''] [''Chris talks over her'']

'''Chris:''' You took a big step.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I don't trust them, either.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] we've been to a lot of parks. I keep telling him now that he's young and I'm old, and why don't he take me to [[McIntire Park|the park]]?

'''Emily:''' Oh!

'''Bob:''' He-he won't do it.

'''Emily:''' [''clears throat'']

'''Chris:''' Listen to him.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I think it ought to be ['inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' [''high-pitched''] Do you agree with that?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' I spent twenty-seven years of my life with you, why can't you spend twenty-seven years of your life with me?

===Basketball and a fateful trip (1:05:23–1:14:22)===

'''Chris:''' Because, [unintelligible]

'''Bob:''' I'm not gonna live that long, I know.

'''Emily:''' [awkward laugh]

'''Bob:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' I spend time with you, Dad. Like I spend time with you now when you [''inaudible''] wanted to meet Emily. Before uh, you know, when you leave, uh, leave-leave us alone and let us do our talking.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] go home and watch some [[Bionic|basketball]].

'''Emily:''' That's something to do right there.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. And I'll see what's goin' on...[''inaudible''] the [[Wikipedia:National Collegiate Athletic Association|NCAA]].

'''Emily:''' I don't watch a lot of sports, really.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] You don't watch that either?

'''Emily:''' I don't really watch sports. I mean, I sometimes will with some of my friends, but I can't really get into it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and I was actually a manager-slash-waterboy in my freshman year of Man-at [[Manchester High School]]'s varsity basketball team.

'''Emily:''' Were you good at it? Did you say you were- you played basketball?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, a little bit.

'''Emily:''' Are you good?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm fair.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' But, you know I was...I-pl-...y-you know my freshman year I manager and waterboy for the varsity basketball team.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

[''P.A. system faintly in background'']

'''Bob:''' Good, cause I think I'm gonna go home.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Alright, dad, well you have a safe trip.

'''Bob:''' You can do whatever you want, I guess.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Bob:''' Whatever time Emily wants to spend with you.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I can't stay too much longer. I have to get going back to co-

'''Bob:''' Headin' back to West Virginia tonight?

'''Emily:''' Yep.

'''Bob:''' You are, huh? What is the drive... four-hour, five-hour drive?

'''Emily:''' About five-hour drive.

'''Bob:''' I'm a little too old for that.

'''Emily:''' [''short laugh'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, especially since I was young [''unintelligible''] the eight-hour round trip total drive.

{{anchor|Cleveland}}
'''Bob:''' He-he drove to Cleveland and back on the same day.

'''Emily:''' I...vaguely heard about that. What-what happened?

'''Bob:''' He got stupid and drove up there to try to meet [[Julie|somebody]] and they weren't there. He took off and we didn't even know about it.

'''Chris:''' No, I left them a note.

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Bob:''' But, uh, he got up there and got back, same day. I can't imagine driving... I can't even fly to Cleveland and fly back in the same day.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Di-did you have a good drive at least? Was it...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' ...relaxing a little bit?

'''Chris:''' Yeah [''inaudible'']

'''Bob:''' Well, if you went-he went up from here over to pick up the Interstate 81, and he went up and picked up the Pennsylvania Turnpike...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' ...and he went up and picked up the Ohio Turnpike... and locked himself out of his car.

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Emily:''' How did you lock yourself out of your car?

'''Chris:''' I [''inaudible''] my keys in there at the t-toll booth.

'''Emily:''' Oh? How did you get them out? You had to call like the locksmith or something?

'''Chris:''' Uh, fortunately, uh, one of the uh, people at-people over at that toll booth had [[Wikipedia:American Automobile Association|AAA]].

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK. So they were able to help you out.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] mother [''inaudible''] cross the street [''inaudible''] here he is at the Ohio state line.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' W-we didn't sleep very well that day.

'''Emily:''' I can imagine.

'''Bob:''' Finally he got home, about three o'clock in the morning, and he left at, what...

'''Chris:''' Five-thirty.

'''Bob:''' Six o-Six o'clock in the morning?

'''Chris:''' Five-thirty.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] find anybody till we came back.

'''Chris:''' Well, at least I didn't get killed.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. I think I [''inaudible'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] We were worried about that.

'''Emily:''' Hm-

'''Chris:''' I had money for gas and food.

'''Bob:''' He's never driven over fifty miles out of town before.

'''Chris:''' Well that was an adventure for me.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Bet that was an experience.

'''Chris:''' Yep. But I had my [[PSP]] with me to play uh, music on the trip. I had a novel with uh, long driving. Recently [''unintelligible''] paradise.

'''Bob:''' Fortunately, he was checking in with us on his cell phone, every once in a while so we could [''inaudible''] [[money]]...

'''Emily:''' Oh, so you knew he was going to O-Ohio.

'''Bob:''' He left us a note.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' ...detailed note.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' With maps and everything.

'''Chris:''' A copy of the map...

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' ...I got from Mapquest.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] he left-you'll never believe it, when he left home he had about ten dollars in his pocket.

'''Chris:''' No, I had-I had forty.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' I had forty dollars. I had forty dollars plus ten dollars in my pocket. Forty dollars came from my birthday money.

'''Bob:''' That wouldn't even-that wouldn't even take care of the toll [''inaudible''] turnpike.

'''Chris:''' I didn't expect that toll to be eleven dollars.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Really? Eleven dollars for a toll booth?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Th-th-they give you a card at one checkpoint, then when you get to the next checkpoint, depending on the distance-depending on uh, how far it was from that checkpoint...

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Chris:''' ...from one tollbooth to the next.

'''Bob:''' Wherever you get off, then you gotta pay.

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Bob:''' You'd never been-never been on a toll road before.

'''Chris:''' Yeah that was a new ex-that was something new for me to learn.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' [''unintelligible''] for a toll booth with about a dollar. [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Well you can get on and fill it out, and drive all the way to the Ohio line.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Pittsburgh. I guess they charge you twenty, twenty-five dollars for that.

'''Emily:''' Dang.

'''Bob:''' But he got on in the middle, in a place called [[Wikipedia:Breezewood, Pennsylvania|Breezewood]].

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' You've probably heard of Breezewood. It's up there... just-just northeast of uh, West Virginia.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' And, uh, yeah and you go to Breezewood and hang a left. I thought he-I thought he was up here in the valley.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' Couple hundred miles away and then he was at the Ohio state line.

'''Emily:''' [''short laugh'']

'''Bob:''' That was some day for us. We were a little worried. Then he-then he started back. We were led to believe that he was about three hundred -about two hundred miles away.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Turns out he was just outside of Ohio, Cleveland, when he called.

'''Emily:''' At least you were able to get back safely.

'''Chris:''' Yep.

'''Bob:''' I don't know how he did it. Three o'clock in the morning, I'd have been numb. I wouldn't have been able to.

'''Chris:''' [''laughs'']

'''Emily:''' [''inaudible''] at night.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well I got bet-I got [[Pedo-Glasses|better eyesight]] than he does.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] mine keeps going downhill, little bit at a time.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Thing called old age and [[David Alan Chandler|glaucoma]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, plus consi-plus considering [[video games]]... training, a lot of video game time I've logged in over my lifetime.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' And uh, see going through the many types of, like, games, playing [[ModNation Racers|racing]], and RPG...

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' ...and all, and the [[Sonichu Adventure|adventures]] and all that...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' But it's like, it's only helpful when you have the directions from Mapquest, and uh, you can uh, find a world map of the uh, east-of the we-of the eastern coast of the United States.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' Which is really Virginia. And uh, Ohio in the road I was- the route I was taking, it was directed from that.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Which I highlighted with a blue marker.

'''Bob:''' I have to admit, I did something just about as dumb when I was a kid.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Oh, you did something dumb?

'''Bob:''' Yeah I did. Well, I'd already been to Korea and back. When I was in Korea, like I said, before the Korean War.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And I'd always spent my time with the army, well I was in school.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And I had a friend that was in Auburn, down in Alabama, way down there, you know.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And um, I had a friend [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' ...in the Army. So, [[Christmas]] break, Christmas time, right. I didn't have anywhere to go. I decided to hitchhike.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Yeah. While I was in the Army, I spent nine months in New York anyway.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] Fort [''???''] [''inaudible''] and I'd gone up to New York City every weekend. But, for about nine months, well I knew the place like the back of my hand.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' No wonder I was risky enough to take a- I was adventurous enough to take such a trip.

'''Bob:''' Uh-

'''Chris:''' I'd been hanging around in hi- inside him while he was taking that trip!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Yeah, so dumb me, I thought I could hitchhike to-to [[Clyde Cash|New Jersey]]...now this was like the middle of December.

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Warm in Alabama but not in New Jersey.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' I got there, and then I had to stay a couple weeks-

'''Chris:''' [''interrupting''] And by the way you know

'''Bob:''' -then I ran out of money-

'''Chris:''' You know that-

'''Bob:''' -and then I had to try to-

'''Chris:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Bob:''' -find-to fi-to get back to my way home.

'''Chris:''' Just to let you know, uh, went up to Cleveland, [inaudible] kind of like, uh, run down. I thought, Jersey probably looks better.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' By comparison.

'''Bob:''' I've done [[Barbara|dumb things]] too.

'''Chris:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' There you go.

'''Chris:''' He went to a bad town...he went to a bad slummy [[Honor roll|town called Jersey,]] I went to a bad slummy town called Cleveland.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' Well I've been to Cleveland too, I know Cleveland well.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' I me-I me-I mean he took the stupid long trip to Jersey, I took the stupid long trip to see Cleveland.

'''Bob:''' And I was hitchhiking and you were in the car. It was different. It used to be safe to walk.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And you can't even hitchhike places today.

'''Emily:''' Nowadays you can't do that.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] down the road.

'''Emily:''' Yeah [''unintelligible''] [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Well, I'll see you later. You have a good trip.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Emily:''' Alright.

'''Bob:''' Don't go to sleep. If you get sleepy, pull over.

'''Emily:''' OK, don't worry, I will.

===A walk to remember (1:14:23–1:21:43)===

Chris and Emily awkwardly leave Bob who continues to ramble as they clomp off through the mall.

'''Bob:''' Take care.

'''Chris:''' Alright come on, Emily, let's, let's walk…

Bob babbles on about sending something.

'''Emily:''' Okay... okay, you can show me around the mall…

'''Chris:''' Okay! Here's our… heights… You… you come to just about my uh, eyeline.

'''Emily:''' [nervous tittering]

They walk quietly for a moment as Chris mutters something quietly.

'''Chris:''' [sigh] So where you li… where do you usually like to go shopping at when you're at a shopping center?

'''Emily:''' [''impatiently''] [[Rosechu|Clothes stores]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, they have a number of clothing stores in, uh...

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' …a J.C. Penney and a Sears, among other places that uh, more name brands…

'''Emily:''' Yeah a lot of the stores here are, if you take a look, take a look at the prices and they're pretty expensive.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... Yeah... but, you know, they used to ha- they used to have a KB [[Toys]] here and I- that's where I did my- ten thous- dol... [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes |my thousand dollar shopping spree]] I won, uh... back in, uh... the... Sonic, the Adventures- around the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog?

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' That sweepstakes, you might have remembered me talking about that…

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' …you might remember that, uh, news clip…

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [[DVD|I've seen-I've seen it.]]

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

''Chris nervously takes a few steps.''

'''Chris:''' Wow.

'''Emily:''' What?

'''Chris:''' You're like… I'm sorry.

'''Emily:''' [''nervous laughter'']

'''Chris:''' I'm just kinda fascinated like… you're just pleasant- it's like… a character from ''PGSM'' or somebody else came all the way from Japan- just leapt out of my television!

'''Emily:''' [nervous laughter] No I'm definitely all American.

'''Chris:''' You're all American.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I'm an all American.

'''Chris:''' Okay- so it's just- it's just your eyes that are deshe- [[Chris and English|decepting]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [shameless subject change] So what's your favorite store here?

'''Chris:''' Yeah it's, it's- currently, since they took away the toy store- uh- either- I think it's- I would say it's mostly GameStop, but I also go to the bookstore or Sears, or even the Spencer's that's down on the other side of the mall. And they used to have an FYE here, which was a Suncoast before- before- they all merged and became an FYE, but then they closed that to make the next [''unintelligible''] business here.

'''Emily:''' What's down the other way… cause I've been… I came down this way, but I haven't been down that way.

'''Chris:''' Okay, we'll go down that way! Alright. I hope- Hope you don't mind me sticking around your left side…

'''Emily:''' [''bravely''] Oh that's [laughs] Okay, that's fine!

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] [[Megan|I mean, I guess I should keep my hands to myself and behave, right?]]

'''Emily:''' Yeah, you should probably do that.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I'm just trying to be friendly.

'''Emily:''' [''nervous laughter'']

'''Chris:''' [[Megan|But, you know, not- but you know I'm respectful- touch you gently on the shoulder or the back-]]

'''Emily:''' [''vomitously''] Yeah…

'''Chris:''' I mean at least I'm not that guy from ''[[Anime|InuYasha]]'' that… [''chucklingly''] always tries to [[Homos|go for the bum]].

'''Emily:''' [''vomitously''] Yeah…

'''Chris:''' Heh-heh, that's funny. Always get slapped in the face, he does.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' I forget his name, I think it's Mamoru, or something like that.

'''Emily:''' Uh... it's [[Wikipedia:List of InuYasha characters#Miroku|Miroku]].

'''Chris:''' [talking over her] Do you watch ''InuYasha''? Yeah, Miroku, that was it, you hi- you actually hit it on the head right there…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

[''Emily awkwardly walks several steps.'']

'''Emily:''' [delaying] Is that the… food court there?

'''Chris:''' Yeah that's basically the food court.

'''Emily:''' OK...

'''Chris:''' Yeah it use- it used to have McDonald's here-

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' …soooo many years ago across from the GameStop there, back when it was called Babbage's…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' And then between them and Suncoast was FuncoLand and Software Etc. and they all merged into a Ga- they all merged into GameStop.

'''Emily:''' Oh... never heard about that…

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I'm sh- I'm sh- I'm sure you must've at least noticed those game stores back in your youth-

'''Emily:''' Yeah... I play video games sometimes, but not very often…

'''Salesman:''' HELLO WOULD YOU LIKE HARAAGARALABHGH.

'''Emily:''' Oh, no thank you!

'''Chris:''' No thank you! Yeah... right over- see- where that PacSun, that's where PacSun used to be, where I met [[Anna McLerran]]-

'''Emily:''' Oh yeah... I've… I've heard of her as well…

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Emily:''' Is she still around?

'''Chris:''' No she, uh- moved to uh, Utah.

'''Emily:''' Utah…

'''Chris:''' She's a Mormon. I later found that out after I met her. But we cam- but we- but we could became good friends and I gave her, uh, you know, gave her a going away/birthday party before she left for Utah…

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh!

'''Chris:''' On her twentieth birthday… and actually her- actual- and actually her friends, uh, her friends and I got together and put together the party. [''emphatically''] I k- I bought the cake.

'''Emily:''' Oh, that's nice of you… and… there was also Megan. Do you still keep in contact with her?

'''Chris:''' Yeah uh... no, not-no-n-n-not... haven't been in touch with her for a long time.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Ever since she moved to another state.

'''Emily:''' Oh... did she move to Utah too?

'''Chris:''' Uh, no, I don't think she moved to Utah, I don't even remember where she moved to.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' But you know, sometimes, uh, y'know... sometimes I dream I'm back- [''unintelligible''] I'm back in uh, Manchester High, you know, I get to see all my- all my old s- c- all my old friends… there.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Sometimes I even see [[Megan]] and [[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue|John]] in there… John's her brother…

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay...

'''Chris:''' Can you believe that, attending Manchester High like I was back then,

'''Emily:''' [small laughter]

'''Chris:''' …but yet they never went- they never been- they never been to Manchester High, neither of them. Isn't that… kinda funny?

'''Emily:''' [''slightly sarcastically''] Yeah... that is kinda funny!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... FYE was over there…

'''Emily:''' Oh... I guess it's becoming a LensCrafters?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I guess… anyway here's the Spencer's.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' If you like looking at the, uh, naughty stuff-

'''Emily:''' [quickly] No, I'm not into that.

'''Chris:''' Not yet anyway! [laughs]

'''Emily:''' [nervous laughter]

'''Chris:''' Ah, but you might. But you know, it's mostly humorous, anyway.

'''Emily:''' Yeah... well... doesn't look like there's anything down here…

'''Chris:''' Yeah... not much… not much to look at. The- the toy store was around here in this neck of the woods…

'''Emily:''' Oh... well I gotta get going soon, it's gonna be a long drive!

'''Chris:''' Long drive…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Well I hope, uh, you at least, uh, keep the memories, uh , we've shared…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I'll walk you to your car, if you want…

'''Emily:''' No, I'll probably have to go to the bathroom first… [[Women's rights|it's that time of the month]]…

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, when you're on your, uh, period…

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [''nervous laughter'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, aside from the, uh, first time, uh, meeting, this first meeting, uh, how do you feel about me? In general…

'''Emily:''' You're a really nice guy!

'''Chris:''' Thank you…

'''Emily:''' I don't know why like, people pick on you and all that…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, they should get to know me in person…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' I mean I'm a gentleman, I behave… behave…

'''Emily:''' [''steering the beast''] Have you been into any of these stores over here?

===Meet the Pickle (1:21:44–1:25:29)===

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] pick you up right here? Yeah, so, um, you wouldn't want to go see ''Watchmen'', would you?

'''Chris:''' Uh... no.

'''Emily:''' I haven't seen that movie.

'''Chris:''' [''shocked''] Uh... any particular reason why you're dressed up like that?

'''Pickle Man:''' Not in particular.

'''Chris:''' Come on, Emily.

'''Emily:''' What?

'''Pickle Man:''' Hey, hey, maybe the lady wants to go with me. Huh, ya want to go see ''Watchmen''? Lots of, uh...

'''Emily:''' [gloating] Why, what's wrong?

'''Chris:''' The man in the [[pickle]] suit… a- it's apparent this guy's amongst the… [[trolls]].

'''Pickle Man:''' You think…

'''Emily:''' What's a tro…

'''Pickle Man:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Passerby:''' Who are you?

'''Passerby:''' Sir… sir, what are you?

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm a pickle.

'''Passerby:''' You're a pickle! [[Pickle|I love pickles]].

'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? Pickles are pretty cool.

'''Passerby:''' And who are you advertising with?

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm not really advertising.

'''Passerby:''' You're just dressed for fun?

'''Pickle Man:''' Just bored.

'''Chris:''' Dressed as a pickle to HAUNT ME.

'''Pickle Man:''' Excuse me? I don't even know you.

'''Passerby:''' You're just bored?

'''Pickle Man:''' Yep!

'''Chris:''' [questioningly] You don't even know me… are you sure… have you-do you have [[Internet]] access?

'''Pickle Man:''' Lots of people have Internet access.

'''Chris:''' Do you know [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]?

'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not.

'''Chris:''' Do you know about [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]?

'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. [''turning to Emily''] Want to go see ''Watchmen''?

'''Chris:''' [''stress sighs''] No, no, no, she's with-

'''Emily:''' Alright!

'''Chris:''' …she's h- she's headed over to- she's heading back to her home town.

'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, ''Watchmen'' would be pretty cool.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, it would be pretty cool!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, alright, uh...

'''Emily:''' Let's go see it!

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay, cool.

'''Emily:''' Yeah?

'''Pickle Man:''' [''to Emily as they turn to leave together''] You've probably seen ''Watchmen'' [''he refers to the novel''], haven't you?

'''Chris:''' [''answering the question meant for Emily as he is clearly left behind''] I've heard of ''Watchmen''…

'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughs at Chris'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' [''inaudible, but clearly saying something to the effect that he doesn't like the Pickle Man'']

'''Emily:''' [''gloating''] What's wrong with him?

'''Pickle Man:''' SOMETHING. You like pickles?

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I do not like pickles.

'''Pickle Man:''' No pickles?

'''Chris:''' And also particularly a guy in a pickle suit who tricked me on the Internet pretending that he was [[Blanca]]!

'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him!

'''Pickle Man:''' Who's Blanca?

'''Chris:''' [''[[stress sigh]]s/grunts'']

'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! See, he's a nice guy.

'''Chris:''' Well, alright. [''small voiced, stressed as he moves closer to Emily'']

'''Pickle Man:''' I-I think you're making the lady a little-uncomfortable there, Chris.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sighs''] I'm sorry, Emily.

'''Emily:''' It's ok... I think I have… to go to the bathroom now…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, go change my tampon.

'''Chris:''' Oh boy. [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' [''inaudible''] …but I guess I do now.

'''Emily:''' [''attempting to brush him off''] OK, well it was nice meeting you… maybe we'll talk online or something.

'''Chris:''' Yeah well… I kinda… [''inaudible'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [''as they continue trying to walk away''] Well, we're going to go now.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah well…

'''Emily:''' I'm going to the bathroom.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, either of- [''to Pickle Man''] you're not going where she's going…

'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, we're- we're leaving together.

'''Chris:''' Are you with her?

'''Pickle Man:''' Now we are. We're going to go see ''Watchmen''.

'''Chris:''' No! N- no! She's going b- you gotta go back to West Virginia, don't you.

'''Pickle Man:''' We're going to go see ''Watchmen'' first.

'''Emily:''' I'm kinda- just- gonna- ''Watchmen'' is not that long of a movie.

'''Chris:''' [''suddenly concerned for Emily''] Yeah, but you got a five-hour drive!

'''Emily:''' [''dismissively''] It'll be okay.

[footsteps]

'''Emily:''' Hmmm.

'''Pickle Man:''' Going this way?

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I gotta go to the bathroom. Tampon time.

[Pickle Man asks Chris a question]

'''Chris:''' Uhhhhhh... no.

[''The Pickle Man and Chris indistinctly carry on a short dialogue. The Pickle Man seems to be asking Chris why he is following along, and Chris replies.'']

'''Chris:''' I'm just staying close to my friends...

'''Emily:''' Alright, see ya!

===Hiding out in the bathroom (1:25:29–1:29:34)===

[''There is a long lacuna as Emily hides from Chris in the bathroom.'']

'''Passerby:''' [inaudible]...[[Chris and fashion|very fashionable looking]].

'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you!

'''Passerby:''' The mall should pay you for walking around.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

[''Another long silence as Emily finally leaves the bathroom.'']

===A precious farewell (1:29:35–1:31:10)===

'''Pickle Man:''' So, you ready to go?

'''Emily:''' Yeah, my car's that way.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, her car's… Your car's [''inaudible''] didn't you?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, so did I.

'''Emily:''' Oh, you did?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Which Belk?

'''Chris:''' Tha- that way.

'''Emily:''' Oh... I'm over there.

'''Chris:''' Oh. [''continues walking alongside Pickle Man and Emily'']

'''Emily:''' Chris… you don't need to walk me to my car.

'''Chris:''' Okaaay.

'''Emily:''' This is… Alright.

'''Chris:''' So, you have yourself a safe trip back to uhh... West Virginia.

'''Emily:''' Oh... [''feigning cheerfulness''] okay! I might call you on Skype later.

'''Chris:''' Okay, you take care.

'''Emily:''' You too.

'''Chris:''' Hey… [''attempts to hug and kiss Emily'']

'''Emily:''' [''tries to avoid Chris''] No…N-

'''Chris:''' [''talks over Emily''] I-I was gonna kiss... just on the cheek...

'''Emily:''' [''Overlaps with Chris''] N-no... no thank you! [''nervous laughter''] No thank you.

'''Chris:''' [''gives up''] Okay.

'''Emily:''' Alright, see you.

'''Chris:''' Alright, well you take care, be safe.

'''Emily:''' Alright, you too.

[''Pickle Man and Emily walk away from Chris.'']

'''Chris:''' [yelling from a distance] HE KNOWS [[Clyde Cash|CLYDE CASH]]!

[''There is laughter from Pickle Man and Emily.'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughing''] Mission accomplished!

'''Pickle Man:''' Is he gone yet?

'''Emily:''' I don't know, let me look behind.

'''Pickle Man:''' Oh no he's leaving... I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry. I'm so sorry.

'''Emily:''' That's okay! [''inaudible''] worse than me…

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm so sorry.

'''Emily:''' That's okay.

'''Pickle Man:''' [''inaudible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay... [''inaudible''] man in the pickle suit?

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughing, says something about Clyde Cash'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Wait there… there's Frosty.

'''Pickle Man:''' What?

'''Emily:''' Looks like he's gone now. I'm gonna go tell him what happened.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay.

'''Emily:''' [''presumably walking to see Frosty''] Yes! Still recording!

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/download/cp60dr0bpnwt6g6/Operation+Picklesuit+VIRGINia.wav Full audio]

[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Eyewitness Accounts]]

Minor Family Members

2017-10-12T22:44:05Z

Joestaen: Incorrect capitalization for BILLY MAYS

[[Image:Chris june2009 cousin wedding photo 1.jpg|thumb|right|It's a Chandler family reunion! From bottom left, clockwise: Uncle Raymond, Cousin Jonathan, [[Christian]], [[Bob]], and everyone's favorite, [[Yawning Squirtle]].]]
[[Chris]]'s family has several '''minor family members''' about whom not enough is known to constitute their own articles. The family members who do not reside at [[14 Branchland Court]] generally lead relatively normal lives. David Alan Chandler has especially excelled, becoming an ophthalmologist and doctor.

==Chandler family==

===Patricia Chandler===
'''Patricia Faye Harley''' (born 20 November 1935), is Bob Chandler's first wife, a native Floridian and the mother of Drs. Carol and David.<ref name="BobObit">http://web.archive.org/web/20130211071324/http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/obituary.aspx?n=robert-franklin-chandler&pid=153539600 (archive from 11 Feb 2013)</ref> She and Bob married at the respective ages of 20 and 29 on 29 September 1956 in Winston-Salem, North Carolina and divorced on 28 January 1980 after a year-long separation. She was still alive at the time of Bob's death.

=== Carol Chandler ===
[[File:Carol Amiibo.jpg|thumb|left|150px|Carol [[Amiibo]].]]
'''Dr. Carol Suzanne Chandler''' (born 7 July 1969)<ref name="FamilyTreeTitle">[[:File:457-FamilyTreeTitle.JPG]]</ref> is Chris's half-sister and daughter of the late [[Bob Chandler]] and his first wife Patricia.

According to Chris, Carol is a Math "[[Chris and English#Spelling|Geinus]]" [sic] and "wiz."<ref>[[Chandler Family Tree]]</ref> She is known to have won the [[1980s#1988|1988]] Mathematics Department McShane Prize at the [[University of Virginia]].<ref>[http://web.archive.org/web/20121116162715/http://artsandsciences.virginia.edu/mathematics/newsevents/awards/index.html Department of Mathematics, University of Virginia] (archive from 16 Nov 2012)</ref> Carol attended [[Providence Middle School]].<ref>[[User:ChrisChanSonichu profile#The Teenage Years]]</ref> Later, she was a member of [[Wikipedia:Phi Beta Kappa Society|Phi Beta Kappa]]. She earned a Ph.D. and is or was working for the federal government in Washington, D.C.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#About Bob (7:18 - 16:45)]]</ref>

According to Chris, Bob was always concerned about Carol. She and Bob seemed to have a negative or distant relationship, as it was implied in the [[Savannah]] messages that she did not attend his funeral.<ref>[[:File:Savannah_chandler3.png]]</ref> In [[November 2015]], Chris made a [[YouTube]] [[Family Needs to appreciate Family|video]] in which he and his allies beat up Carol and other family members in Super Smash Bros. "Alan and Carol, you two have never really appreciated our Father," he wrote in the video description. "There WAS Time for you two to share time with him before his passing, but NO, you all have been selfish and caught up in your own lives that HE gave to us." He posted an image of a Carol [[Amiibo]] on [[Facebook]], depicting her as a heartless [[Janekop]].

=== David Chandler ===
[[Image:Davidchandler.jpg|right|thumb|David Alan Chandler.]]
[[File:David Amiibo.jpg|right|thumb|150px|David as a [[Jerkop]], in Amiibo form.]]
'''Dr. David Alan Chandler''' (born 28 November 1962)<ref name="FamilyTreeTitle" /><ref>[http://www.healthgrades.com/physician/dr-david-chandler-x6gx6 Dr. David A. Chandler, MD - Mechanicsville, VA - Ophthalmology | Healthgrades.com]</ref> is an [[Wikipedia:ophthalmologist|ophthalmologist]] in [[Richmond]], Glen Allen and Mechanicsville, Virginia, son of [[Bob Chandler]] and Bob's ex wife Patricia, and older half-brother to Chris. [[Bob Chandler|Bob]]'s obituary told us that his wife's name is Kimberly.<ref name="BobObit" />

David went to high school in [[Wikipedia:Chesterfield County, Virginia|Chesterfield County]],<ref name="richmondeye.com">[http://web.archive.org/web/20131102235159/http://richmondeye.com/physician_profile_chandler.asp D. Alan Chandler on Richmond Eye Associates site] (archive from 2 Nov 2013)</ref> studied medicine at [[Wikipedia:Virginia Commonwealth University|Virginia Commonwealth University]], and trained at [[Wikipedia:Washington Hospital Center|Washington Hospital Center]].<ref>[http://www.wellness.com/dir/2474208/ophthalmologist/va/glen-allen/david-chandler-richmond-eye-associates-md]</ref> He has donated at least $1,000 to the Republican Party,<ref>[http://www.campaignmoney.com/political/contributions/david-chandler.asp?cycle=08]</ref> showing that, at least, he agreed with his father on politics. He specializes in small incision cataract extraction with lens implant, medical and surgical management of glaucoma, and the diagnosis and treatment of diabetic eye disease.<ref name="richmondeye.com"/>

Chris had an eye exam with him on 6 January [[2004]] and learned then that David had a daughter by the name of [[Savannah Chandler|Savannah]], making Chris an uncle and Bob a grandfather. [[Chris and Reality|Chris also falsely claimed it made Barb a grandmother]].

[[CWC's Diary|Diary]] entry:
{{quote|'''January 6:''' Today, I had an appointment with my optometrist [''sic''], and big half-brother, Dr. David Alan Chandler, for an Eye-Exam. I needed new lenses, but I can keep my [[Pedo-glasses|current frames]]. But apparently, he has an 8-year-old daughter, Savannah. So for about 8 years, I’ve been an uncle and didn’t know it. Of course, this also makes my parents into grandparents as well. Needless to say, we were happy to know about that.|Christian Weston Chandler}}

One weekend Chris and Bob traveled to David's house to visit his family. The family was not at home, so Chris and Bob left gifts with the next door neighbors to give to them; an angel for Savannah from Bob and squinkles with a display from Chris<ref>[[:File:Savannah_chandler2.jpg]]</ref>.

Unlike Carol, David attended Bob's funeral. At the funeral Chris presented him with further gifts to give to Savannah.<ref>[[:File:Savannah_chandler.png]]</ref>

In [[Family Needs to appreciate Family]], Chris called David out on not visiting Barb, seemingly unaware or ignorant of the fact that being a practicing eye doctor, David probably had more important things to focus on, and that David likely has little history with Barb which would inspire him to visit.

=== Uncle Wayne ===

A copy of [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|Chris's DVD]] that was sent to a troll included a list of people whom Chris wanted to present in the DVD, but could not do so due to not having a picture of them. One of those people was an uncle from Bob's side called Wayne.<ref>[[:File:Chrispaper2.jpg|Chrispaper2.jpg]]</ref> Virtually nothing is known about him.

=== Unnamed relatives in North Carolina ===

In his [[Bob's Letters to Chris|letter to Chris from 1987]], Bob mentioned that his father, like him and Barb, had children through a second marriage, who at the time resided near [[Wikipedia:Salem, North Carolina|Salem, North Carolina]]. As Bob was the only child of his father's marriage to his mother, Uncle Wayne was presumably one of these half-siblings.

=== Unnamed relatives in Oklahoma ===

During the course of two prank calls Bob mentioned that he has a cousin and several [[Cherokee]] relatives in Oklahoma.<ref>[[Prank calls#Bob Calls Himself]]</ref><ref>[[Prank calls#A Redneck calls Bob Chandler]]</ref> Nothing else is known about them.

=== Jonathan Carey ===
[[File:JohnKerry.jpg|right|thumb|200px|Chris's cousin?]]

Jonathan Carey<ref>http://www.woodfuneralservice.com/obituary.aspx?MemberId=55269&MName=Corrina%20Weston%20Carey%20Inge</ref> is Chris's second cousin (being [[Aunt Corrina]]'s grandson) who was married on the last weekend of June, [[2009]]. He lives in Red Oak, [[Virginia]]. According to Chris, his presence at the wedding is proof that he did not murder [[BILLY MAYS|BILLY MAYS]]{{cite}}.

June 2009 Wedding Photos:
<center><gallery>
File:Chris june2009 cousin wedding photo 2.jpg
File:Chris june2009 cousin wedding photo 3.png
File:Chris june2009 cousin wedding photo 4.jpg
File:ECP 00077.jpg|And an unwanted gift, too!
</gallery></center>

===Uncle Raymond ===
Uncle Raymond is Chris's uncle, the widower of [[Aunt Corrina]] and the grandfather of Jonathan Carey. According to Chris, Uncle Raymond can be contacted as a witness to Chris at Jonathan's wedding. Raymond is the brother-in-law of [[Barbara Chandler|Snorlax]], making Jonathan her great-nephew.

===Aunt Harriet and Uncle Tom===
[[File:0039-AuntHerriet.jpg|thumb|left|This is pretty much all we've got.]]
[[File:0041-BarbaraCorinaTomAndHerriet.jpg|thumb|right|Save for this.]]
'''Harriet Ashby''' (née '''Weston''') is Barbara's sister. She was born on 9 January 1947, and was married to Thomas Eugene Ashby on 29 May 1964 in Charlotte County, VA. Thomas was born on 28 October 1942.<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d150.html#P150</ref>

Harriet seems to admire the American presidents, and considering the number of flags she has on her Christmas tree, she is a TRUE and HONEST [[United States of America|American]] patriot. Tom, according to Chris, is a retired fire inspector, and offered Barb advice after her [[Destruction Of Chris's House|house burned down]].

As Chris told [[Catherine]] during her real-life meeting with him, Harriet and Tom still occasionally exchange pleasantries with Barb, but do not allow her over to their home. They have not even told Barb what their address is. Barb possibly went after Tom very aggressively when she was young.

{{clear}}

== Sources ==
<references />

== External links ==
*[http://web.archive.org/web/20131102235159/http://richmondeye.com/physician_profile_chandler.asp Dr. Chandler's profile] (archive from 2 Nov 2013)

==See also==
*[[Aunt Corrina]]
*[[Cole Smithey]]
*[[Savannah Chandler]]
*[[Chandler Family Tree]]

{{Not_Jerks}}

[[Category:Family Members]]

Metal Gear

2017-09-25T11:21:53Z

Joestaen: Fixed broken youtube link to MGS 3: STRAIGHT ANGER

[[File:Phantom Stress.jpg|thumb|I'm already a [[Beel|demon]].]]
[[Image:Chrisslitsthroat.jpg|thumb|left|Chris [[Don't Mess With Me|using CQC]] on [[Clyde Cash]] while wearing the [[Chris and fashion|Red-Blue Stripe]] camoflage.]]
[[Image:Torture.jpg|thumb|right|"We live in a sad age. [[YouTube]], [[PSEye]]s, [[For Julie's Eyes Only|leaked]] [[April 16 Fetish Vids|videos]]... [[1990s]] [[Internet]] had its share of [[trolls]], but at least they had no streaming video. Internet today makes things too easy."]]

'''''Metal Gear Solid''''' is a series of stealth [[video games]], part of the ''Metal Gear'' series and beginning in [[1998]]. Being that ''Metal Gear Solid'' is [[Clyde Cash|so cash]], and many veteran [[trolls]] emerged from the depths of [[4chan|/v/]] (where [[Fapcup|wanking]] to [[Wikipedia:Big Boss (Metal Gear)|Big Boss]] is mandatory), several ''MGS'' references have emerged. Even [[Chris]] has made some possibly unintentional nods to the franchise. [[Vivian]] has also proclaimed her love for [[Jason Kendrick Howell|Liquid Snake]].

==Allusions made by trolls==

[[Image:Maryleewalshpatriot.png|thumb|The picture of [[Mary Lee Walsh|Big Dean]] featured in the "Good Fan Art" article at [[CWCipedia]]]]
* [[The Miscreants]] are an obvious [[parody]] of [[Wikipedia:List of characters in the Metal Gear series#The Patriots|the Patriots]], except while the Patriots specialize in (con)trolling the world, the Miscreants' main field of interest involves manipulating and monitoring the [[saga]]s and events of a certain autistic manchild.
* The Miscreants' codenames all go along the lines of, "The (x)". This is a nod to ''[[Wikipedia:Metal Gear Solid 3|Metal Gear Solid 3]]'', where one must face [[Blanca|The Pain]], [[Sarah May|The Fear]], [[Ivy|The End]], and [[BlueSpike#Julie|The Fury]].
* "Liquid Chris" was the codename for [[CChanSonichuCWC]], noting that [[Wikipedia:Liquid Snake|Liquid Snake]] was Solid Snake's genetic twin and enemy who had inherited the recessive genes of their father Big Boss and was therefore led to believe himself inferior, with the irony being that Liquid Chris excelled in everything Solid Chris does.
* Chris's appearance resembles Big Boss in the fan comic "Sonichu Finale".
* [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] goes by the e-handle "Liquid Snake".
* Some of [[User:Lime/Clyde vs. Chris: Day by Day|Clyde's messages to Chris]] contain footage from the series.

==''MGS'' and Chris==
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|left|Big Boss made a brief cameo in [[Sonichu #8]].]]
[[Image:KNOWTHEDIFFERENCE.JPG|thumb|[[Sonichu 8|It really could!]]]]
[[File:Mgson.png|thumb|WEAR A [[Muscle bra|MUSCLE BRA]]!]]
*[[LittleBigPlanet#Metal Speed Solid|Metal Speed Solid]] is one of the ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' levels made by Chris. Yes, it's really bad.
* Gecko and Mantis are shown as chefs in [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"]]. While physically deformed [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon|mutants]], their names are reference to the [[troll]] Gecko Mantis, who got his name from the elite bio-mechanical robot originating from ''MGS4'', and Psycho Mantis, a psychic soldier appearing in ''MGS1'' and briefly in ''MGS4''.
* [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was portrayed similar to Big Boss, with brown hair, a headband and an eye patch. For a while, it was assumed that Chris browsed /v/ for three seconds, saw a Big Boss picture and decided it was close enough, despite Big Boss and Liquid Snake (Jason's e-alias) being radically different characters. Later, Jason revealed that Chris saw an old picture of him with an eye patch on [[MySpace]];<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9TtPNnyayY A Jason Retrospective Part 2]</ref> which makes a bit more sense, as Chris wouldn't go near any place as [[alcohol|drunky]] or [[Tobacky|smokey]] as /v/.
* Wild sneaks into the 4-cent garbage.com company headquarters, which is apparently full of empty red corridors. Chris may be making a subtle joke at ''Metal Gear Solid'''s typical bland military bases. Or, far more likely, he is too [[stress]]ed to include enemies, or details.
*Chris made a ''Metal Gear'' [[Sonichu]] model for ''[[ModNation Racers]]'', who, with enough [[alcohol|booze]], vaguely resembles Master Miller from Metal Gear 2, Metal Gear Solid, Metal Gear Solid Peace Walker, and Metal Gear Solid V.
{{clear}}

==Notes==
Chris has purchased ''Metal Gear Solid'' from the [[PSN]]; however, he most likely has not touched it because he's too busy playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]'', ''[[Brutal Legend]]'', ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' or ''Wheel of Fortune'' and the fact that [[Sonichu Special 4|sneaking behind enemies instead of attacking them head-on]] is too stressful for him. The Metal Gear Solid games are known for having a ''lot'' of [[homos|homoerotic]] themes, whether or not Chris is aware of this is unknown.

==See also==
[[File:Chuhoundlogo.jpg|thumb|The [[True and Honest]] ChuHound logo.]]

*[[Ian Brandon Anderson|Solid Chris]]
*[[Liquid Chris]]
*[[Robert Simmons V|Solidus Chris]]
*[[The Miscreants]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

==External links==
*[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RpAp0rFKOs METAL LOVE SOLID 3: STRAIGHT ANGER]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdhYYH1_5SQ CWC 4 - Puns of the Patridiots]

[[Category:Video Games]]