CWCki - User contributions [en]

HEXBox

2011-02-13T23:48:36Z

John Ritter's Nutsack: /* In the comics */

[[Image:Hexbox.PNG|center|300px]]

[[File:Hexboxguido01.png|thumb|left|[[Clyde Cash|Shit was SO cash!]]]]
[[Image:LegoHexBawxController.jpg|thumb|What a CWC lego HEXBox controller would look like if Chris: 1. Liked Xboxes 2. Had any sort of [[autistic|artistic]] talent.]]

'''HEXBox''' or '''HEX-Box''' is a [[CWC-ism]] for the [[Wikipedia:Xbox 360|Xbox 360]] game console.

Chris has stated that if his video game ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' ever gets made, he wants it to become a multi-console title, but NEVER ON HEXBox.

{{clear}}

==The hatred==
[[Image:TROPHY.JPG|center|400px|Enjoy the hi-res MSPaint graphics.]]
{{incomplete}}

In the [[IRC (02 January 2009)|2 January 2009 IRC chat]], Chris expands upon his HEXBox hatred:

<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF">
 12:18 <vivitheg> Why, the Xbox 360 has a lot of games that are on the [[PS3]] too
 12:18 <ChrisChanSonichu> because the Live is costly.
 12:18 <vivitheg> It's only 50 dollars a year
 12:19 <vivitheg> that's very cheap compared to the ps3
 12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> and I'm already a subscriber between PS3 and Wii, which are FREE.
 12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> PSN is Free; [[Nintendo]] Wi-Fi is Free.
 12:19 <ChrisChanSonichu> [[Random-access humor|Skadoosh]].
</div>

While [[Chris humps his PS3|making sweet love to his one and only love]], Chris failed to tell what he ''really'' feels about the HEXBox:

: ''"I love PlayStation! I love PlayStation! Kill the Xbox! New reason why they call it the motherfucking 360, you look at it makes you turn around—makes you do a 360° and walk away. Very appropriately called is a damn 120°, 130° whatever, [[Honor roll|whatever the half of 360° is]]. Damn damn damn damn damn! damn damn damn damn damn! [...] I love PlayStation. Sony reigns, Sony will reign in the console wars. No matter who argues. Fuck the 350–360 fanatics. Fuck them all to hell. Shot to hell. Damn them all. What the fuck. They're all motherfucking idiots. What the fuck. Damn damn damn damn."''

He was asked about this in his [[Mailbag]], and he answered pretty much the same as all of the other responses.

{{quote|I never cared for the HEXBox, and frankly it LACKS heavily in comparison to the Wii and PS3, PLUS YOU HAVE TO PAY THEIR FEES TO EVEN GO ONLINE OR DOWNLOAD DEMOS WITH IT. The Wii and Playstation Networks are FREE, ONLY costing you if you BUY the Downloadable Games. When Microsoft FINALLY get that costly detail LONG-GONE, I MAY reconsider. But in the meantime, I rest my case.|Chris, [[Mailbag 5#Chris hates the HEXBox|being completely irrational]].}}

Actually, you can get a free version of Xbox Live, known as Xbox Silver, that lets you download demos and add-ons without subscribing. You can also upgrade your account to the Gold version, which costs a little under sixty<ref>http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-20015064-1.html</ref> dollars a year if you pay for a year instead of one month at a time. Considering Chris's [[monthly tugboat|monthly allowance]], this price is little to nothing. Chris has already accrued thousands of dollars of debt through his many other video game-related purchases; this obviously raises the question of why a relatively small payment of $60/year is out of Chris's reach, especially with the weekly discounts that are available to Gold members.

Chris is likely unaware that PSN is coming up with a paid subscription service similar to Xbox Live's pay model for what Sony calls "premium content and services."<ref>http://www.destructoid.com/psn-plans-premium-subscriptions-online-play-remains-free-155553.phtml</ref> Chris may need to go out and buy more [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|briefs to dirty and crap]] when that happens.

==In the comics==
[[Image:Jason's_Hexbox.jpg|thumb|left|[[Jason Kendrick Howell|Jason]] controlling his evil empire from the luxurious comfort of his HEXBox.]][[Image:DBNT2G_police.jpg|thumb|''Don't Be Nervous Talking 2 Girls'', an indie release that, according to [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris thinks is the only worthwhile game on the platform. Feel free to draw all conclusions from this you logically can.]]
[[Image:KillThatHexBawx.jpg|thumb|left|KILL THE BEAST! CUT HIS THROAT! SPILL HIS BLOOD!]][[Image:TrophyUnlocked.jpg|thumb]]

The HEXBox 360 is featured during the [[Sonichu_8#The_Elevator_Gags|''elevator gag'']] portion of ''Sonichu'' #8. Sonichu and Rosechu are greeted by a depiction of an axe cutting through the console while traveling past the 70th floor of the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building. The 71st floor displays a Playstation Trophy award for ''killing that HEX-BOX''.

Christian draws a '''red''' "[[wikipedia:Xbox 360 technical problems|Damn Red Ring]]"<ref>[[IRC (23 July 2009)]]</ref> around the HEXBox's power button.

In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] is shown surveying his evil realm using an Xbox 360 and the controller and a pirated copy of ''LittleBigPlanet''. Later, Chris portrays [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]] as the owner of an Xbox 360, though as an actual computer hard drive. Chris, as [[Collosal Chan]], enters the Xbox, ''deletes fucking everything'' about Asperpedia, then destroys the Xbox.

Chris also has no idea what a real Xbox 360 is supposed to look like. Most notably, he thinks the console is tinier than a Wii (as everyone who has ever owned an Xbox 360 knows, XBOX IS HUEG and you need a forklift to move this fucker around) and he also places the power button on the top end of the console rather than the bottom end (incidentally, Wii also has power button on top and eject button on bottom, exactly the opposite of Xbox 360). He also appears to think that it has four unprotected USB sockets directly under the disc tray (like those in the [[PS3]]), as his portrayal of Alec's console shows; a real 360 console has two memory card slots at that location, and the USB sockets are located next to the power button, under a door. That is, unless you have one of the new model 360s, which doesn't have those memory card slots but does have two USB slots behind a door near the power button.

Microsoft is not addressed in the comics either directly or via pseudonym.

==HEXBox hatred in public==

In August 2010, a noble field agent spotted Chris in a GameStop shop at his [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|local mall]]. Chris was seen muttering to himself and kicking a stall full of XBox 360 games, which couldn't have endeared him to the staff very much at all.

{{quote|He was checking out the [[PS3|PS Triple]] section the majority of the time. I happened to look over my shoulder at one point and there he was, bent over with his [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|tighty whities]] pulled up too far on his body, [[obesity|his shirt coming up rather far over his back]]. What he was bent over for, I have no idea. I turned back to what I was looking at and he was [[stress sigh|sighing]] periodically over who knows what. Then I heard, "kick da hex-box...[[Kick_the_autistic|kick da hex-box]]...kick da hex-box..." I had to look. He was kicking a row of X-Box games while saying it. It wasn't hard enough to knock things over, but still...what the fuuuuuck? The employee gave him a glance but didn't say anything. I'm assuming he does this on a regular basis that they just ignore him. Now that I think back on it, he was probably sighing because the PS Triple section is right next to the X-Box section and he was getting stuh-ressed that the games were touching. He left shortly after that so I was able to look at the vidya with no further disturbances.}}

==Change of heart?==

In [[XBox is OK.MOV|a video]] uploaded [[September 2010]], Chris backpedals on this blatant fanboyism and decides that the Xbox 360 has merits after all. More light was shed with the leaking of an email to [[Jackie]]:
{{quote|About the XBox thing, I've realized after a revelation that I did not really hate the console originally. As a matter of fact, I've played a store demo kiosk of the 360 twice ever. I felt the anger against it originally, because of how much it cost way back when it was the Original XBox (before the 360), and that I could not afford either one. I felt more of jealousy of everyone else who was able to afford the High Prices of the consoles, and the XBox Live stuff as well. And throughout the time, after learning of the flaws it had, such as the "Red Ring of Death", being supportive of the lost format of HD-DVD (vs. Blu-Ray), and others, I used them as my excuses, which in arguments left me with no leg to stand on. So, I withdraw my past angst against the console. I'm still not going to buy one right away, though. I'll try it more, I mean, if I somehow got hold of a 360 inexpensively or free, or if I tried a Non-Demo console at someone else's place.|Chris<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 14]]</ref>}}

==Sauces==
<references />

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DojyqeVCD6U A typical HEXBox game]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

Talk:Ivy Q&A

2011-02-13T21:28:17Z

John Ritter's Nutsack:

The bulk of this is coming guys, I changed the name of the project name since it's sorta in character and it's less formal. Make it pretty but don't change the essence and definitely wikify this bitch. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:23, 12 February 2011 (PST)

I also want to thank [[User:Canine|Canine]] who helped me collect the information from Ivy's ghost, Gecki and Allucard for helping process it, and of course, Ivy's ghost herself for taking time from the afterlife to impart her story on us. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:25, 12 February 2011 (PST)

*christ you people are fucking dumb with this ivy's ghost shit. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 01:00, 13 February 2011 (PST)
** if you're wondering, it's a true account GHOSTwritten by ivy's friend. heh see what i did there. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 09:42, 13 February 2011 (PST)
***Wow, Chris's hiatus has really done a number on your psyche Clyde. How sad. --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 11:51, 13 February 2011 (PST)

Oh Clyde, you cheeky monkey. [[User:John Ritter's Nutsack|John Ritter's Nutsack]] 13:28, 13 February 2011 (PST)

User:Clydec

2011-02-10T23:00:39Z

John Ritter's Nutsack: /* CWCki Improvement Team */

== I AM GOING TO OVERTHROW YOU CHAMP ==
AND KILL YOU -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 18:13, 15 January 2011 (PST)
* AND RAPE YOU -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 23:48, 4 February 2011 (PST)
** AND MOLEST YOU -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 17:32, 5 February 2011 (PST)
*** YOU CAN DO ALL THAT BUT YOU CAN'T WORK ON RABBICHOSO -- [[User:Jerk|Jerk]] 17:45, 5 February 2011 (PST)
**** DAMN IT JERK -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 17:47, 5 February 2011 (PST)
Rabbichoso sucks.--[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 02:34, 6 February 2011 (PST)

== CWCki Improvement Team ==
The objective is to make the CWCki less gay.
Members:
*Delabonte

If you feel like you qualify, please put your name here:

* [[User:Ronichu]] - No idea what this is but it sounds good. Gimme a list of shit to do and I'll do it. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 14:42, 8 February 2011 (PST)
** Go through every article and delete stupid shit. Bad jokes. Stupid jokes. Retarded memes. Speculation. The works. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:23, 8 February 2011 (PST)
* Well, I've already gone through and changed references of Chris's misogyny to chauvanism, since Chris is more of a chauvanist than he is a misogynist, so I'm game to play janitor on here. [[User:John Ritter's Nutsack|John Ritter's Nutsack]] 15:00, 10 February 2011 (PST)

== Q AND A HERE ==
start here:

Why do you not return my calls?[[User:SurfShackTito|SurfShackTito]] 15:00, 9 February 2011 (PST)
*because i have caller id -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:02, 9 February 2011 (PST)

Do you regret/wish you hadn't done something during your time trolling Chris? [[User:PerilousSquall|PerilousSquall]] 18:43, 9 February 2011 (PST)
* i dunno -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 18:48, 9 February 2011 (PST)

How does it feel to be responsible for the drought according to legi0n?[[User:SurfShackTito|SurfShackTito]] 18:50, 9 February 2011 (PST)
* yeah i know. i totally caused it. feels good man -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]]

I read somewhere on ED that you're involved in at least one other trolling scheme. How does the manchild compare to trolling other lulcows? [[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 19:15, 9 February 2011 (PST)
* chris is dead. people need to learn to move on. chris was just something a bit bigger and probably got out of hand imo -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)

Is it difficult balancing trolling with fighting for freedom in China? --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 20:35, 9 February 2011 (PST)
*I think someone's been listening to Guns n' Roses "Chinese Democracy" album. --[[User:Chris_Pickles|Chris_Pickles]] 02:11, 10, February 2011 (EST)
** this is how i fight for freedom. once i expose american failures to the public, i will destroy america's status as superpower. duh -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)

Hey Clyde. I've always been curious, what is your favorite video game(s), and favorite video game console(s)? --[[Chris_Pickles|Chris_Pickles]] 01:19, 10 February 2011 (EST)
* super mario galaxy 2 goty all years -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)

When traveling at a subsonic speed during the last one hour of hyper sleep, which vector of the Romulan Nebula will suffer the wrath of the impenetrable quickening and how many wraths to the nearest molton? [[User:SurfShackTito|SurfShackTito]] 01:35, 10 February 2011 (PST)
* 7 -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)

If you could go back in time and change one major historical event, what would it be and why? --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]] 08:01, 10 February 2011 (PST)
* hitler's suicide. he had a lot more to accomplish. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)

Question from Ivy: "I am taller than you. Will you go back to China and do the taller surgery thing to be taller than me someday?" --[[User:Jerk|Jerk]] 12:32, 10 February 2011 (PST)
* "PS- Even in Heaven, I am taller than you." --[[User:Jerk|Jerk]] 12:36, 10 February 2011 (PST)
** fuck you -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 14:04, 10 February 2011 (PST)

User:Clydec

2011-02-10T23:00:15Z

John Ritter's Nutsack: /* CWCki Improvement Team */

== I AM GOING TO OVERTHROW YOU CHAMP ==
AND KILL YOU -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 18:13, 15 January 2011 (PST)
* AND RAPE YOU -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 23:48, 4 February 2011 (PST)
** AND MOLEST YOU -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 17:32, 5 February 2011 (PST)
*** YOU CAN DO ALL THAT BUT YOU CAN'T WORK ON RABBICHOSO -- [[User:Jerk|Jerk]] 17:45, 5 February 2011 (PST)
**** DAMN IT JERK -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 17:47, 5 February 2011 (PST)
Rabbichoso sucks.--[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 02:34, 6 February 2011 (PST)

== CWCki Improvement Team ==
The objective is to make the CWCki less gay.
Members:
*Delabonte

If you feel like you qualify, please put your name here:

* [[User:Ronichu]] - No idea what this is but it sounds good. Gimme a list of shit to do and I'll do it. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 14:42, 8 February 2011 (PST)
** Go through every article and delete stupid shit. Bad jokes. Stupid jokes. Retarded memes. Speculation. The works. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:23, 8 February 2011 (PST)
* Well, I've already gone through and changed references of Chris's misogyny to chauvanism, since Chris is more of a chauvanist than he is a misogynist. [[User:John Ritter's Nutsack|John Ritter's Nutsack]] 15:00, 10 February 2011 (PST)

== Q AND A HERE ==
start here:

Why do you not return my calls?[[User:SurfShackTito|SurfShackTito]] 15:00, 9 February 2011 (PST)
*because i have caller id -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 15:02, 9 February 2011 (PST)

Do you regret/wish you hadn't done something during your time trolling Chris? [[User:PerilousSquall|PerilousSquall]] 18:43, 9 February 2011 (PST)
* i dunno -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 18:48, 9 February 2011 (PST)

How does it feel to be responsible for the drought according to legi0n?[[User:SurfShackTito|SurfShackTito]] 18:50, 9 February 2011 (PST)
* yeah i know. i totally caused it. feels good man -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]]

I read somewhere on ED that you're involved in at least one other trolling scheme. How does the manchild compare to trolling other lulcows? [[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 19:15, 9 February 2011 (PST)
* chris is dead. people need to learn to move on. chris was just something a bit bigger and probably got out of hand imo -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)

Is it difficult balancing trolling with fighting for freedom in China? --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 20:35, 9 February 2011 (PST)
*I think someone's been listening to Guns n' Roses "Chinese Democracy" album. --[[User:Chris_Pickles|Chris_Pickles]] 02:11, 10, February 2011 (EST)
** this is how i fight for freedom. once i expose american failures to the public, i will destroy america's status as superpower. duh -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)

Hey Clyde. I've always been curious, what is your favorite video game(s), and favorite video game console(s)? --[[Chris_Pickles|Chris_Pickles]] 01:19, 10 February 2011 (EST)
* super mario galaxy 2 goty all years -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)

When traveling at a subsonic speed during the last one hour of hyper sleep, which vector of the Romulan Nebula will suffer the wrath of the impenetrable quickening and how many wraths to the nearest molton? [[User:SurfShackTito|SurfShackTito]] 01:35, 10 February 2011 (PST)
* 7 -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)

If you could go back in time and change one major historical event, what would it be and why? --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]] 08:01, 10 February 2011 (PST)
* hitler's suicide. he had a lot more to accomplish. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 11:19, 10 February 2011 (PST)

Question from Ivy: "I am taller than you. Will you go back to China and do the taller surgery thing to be taller than me someday?" --[[User:Jerk|Jerk]] 12:32, 10 February 2011 (PST)
* "PS- Even in Heaven, I am taller than you." --[[User:Jerk|Jerk]] 12:36, 10 February 2011 (PST)
** fuck you -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 14:04, 10 February 2011 (PST)

CWCki talk:Inside the Pickle Suit

2011-02-06T00:02:18Z

John Ritter's Nutsack: /* Format */

==Candidates for Future Interviews==
Debate future candidates for interviews and vote for them here. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:37, 3 February 2011 (PST)

:How about [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]? We know Clyde posed as Miyamoto at the time, but Reggie's role has never really been explained beyond the e-mail records. [[User:Dethchemist77|Dethchemist77]] 17:51, 3 February 2011 (PST)

:I would to see [[Pandahalo]] interviewed. Chris was still obsessed with her as recent as August of last year.--[[User:Sack Thaddic|Sack Thaddic]] 18:52, 3 February 2011 (PST)

:What about [[Kacey]]? She actually met in him in real life but there's no information about that on her page. -[[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 21:39, 3 February 2011 (PST)

::*Not to shoot down ideas but PandaHalo is probably out of the question as she's sorta disappeared from the trolling scene, and Kacey wants nothing to do with trolling nowadays. But keep them coming.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:48, 4 February 2011 (PST)
:I like the idea of asking Emily some questions, or maybe try and find someone from Chris's past to see how he was BEFORE the trolls came into his life... like Megan (though she herself is probably out of the question considering their past... but someone like her from Chris's past). --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 11:44, 4 February 2011 (PST)
::Lucas and Mimms? I've heard that they still keep in touch with PVCC, though I doubt they have anything else to add.--[[User:Nhocgreen|Nhocgreen]] 21:04, 4 February 2011 (PST)
:[[Alec Benson Leary]] would be a good one. Setting Asperchu aside, I think it'd be interesting to hear about what it's like trying to maintain a dialogue with Chris for up to an hour. Same goes for [[Jackie]], only with e-mail. Obviously, Jackie could get Chris's attention by being a girl, but it was still impressive how she managed to keep him going for as long as she did.--[[User:Dethchemist77|Dethchemist77]] 16:56, 4 February 2011 (PST)

:Would Vivian Gee be available?--[[User:Nhocgreen|Nhocgreen]] 21:04, 4 February 2011 (PST)

I vote Bluespike [[User:BSD|BSD]] 22:56, 4 February 2011 (PST)
Seconded for Bluespike--[[User:Wintermute|Wintermute]] 12:52, 5 February 2011 (PST)
*But BlueSpike's always on IRC anyway. Just ask him there. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 13:59, 5 February 2011 (PST)

:I vote for Emily. Out of all of the trolls, Emily comes off as the most enigmatic to me and thus, would be interesting to get some more information on her time in the trolling foxholes. [[User:John Ritter's Nutsack|John Ritter's Nutsack]] 16:00, 5 February 2011 (PST)

== Format ==

Just curious, would people prefer audio or text? Some trolls will opt for text but in cases where audio is possible, would you want it? There's the work involved in transcribing but I wonder if people will consider them more authentic. Thoughts?--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:03, 3 February 2011 (PST)

:I prefer audio. Text is one thing, but with audio you can actually hear some of the emotions involved, which makes the interview a little more interesting and, sometimes, even a little funnier. [[User:John Ritter's Nutsack|John Ritter's Nutsack]] 16:02, 5 February 2011 (PST)

== The validity of all this (or: Incharacter/Out of character) ==

This is something I really should have thought of before starting this, but I'll bring it up here and see what you all think.

Currently, for the most part and with few tiny exceptions, things on the CWCki are from Chris's point of view. As it's been said elsewhere, this wouldn't be a very interesting wiki as it would be a wiki about basement dwellers who troll Chris if we were to go with the "true" story. Thus, we tend to go with how Chris saw the events.

There is a problem with that, namely that I've seen complaints that this confuses people who aren't sure if these people are real or trolls and more or less doesn't explain what's going on to a new person well. However, being in character helps absolve any sort of liability and responsibility as we're just reporting things as Chris has described them to us through his correspondences, media, etc.

So should we even have these interviews? If so, how should we handle them? I think that any reasonably intelligent person should realize that nothing with Chris is genuine and that it might help to explain their motives and such but at the same time sorta ruins the magic and mystique behind them.

So what do you all think? Thoughts?--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:59, 4 February 2011 (PST)

i think this idea is fucking stupid and seriously who gives a shit. honestly, only fucking people who grasp onto this whole troll persona bullshit give a shit. if you're trying to bring life into the cwcki, stop because there will never be more life into it unless we actually fix the articles we have instead of adding more fucking bullshit on top of this. besides, this goes against all this whole CITATION NEEDED bullshit if we're going to ask people about retarded nonsense because i could say anything and fuckers would grasp onto that and take it as word of god. also bluespike is a little scamp -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 23:45, 4 February 2011 (PST)

CWCki talk:Inside the Pickle Suit

2011-02-06T00:00:06Z

John Ritter's Nutsack: /* Candidates for Future Interviews */

==Candidates for Future Interviews==
Debate future candidates for interviews and vote for them here. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:37, 3 February 2011 (PST)

:How about [[Reggie Fils-Aimé]]? We know Clyde posed as Miyamoto at the time, but Reggie's role has never really been explained beyond the e-mail records. [[User:Dethchemist77|Dethchemist77]] 17:51, 3 February 2011 (PST)

:I would to see [[Pandahalo]] interviewed. Chris was still obsessed with her as recent as August of last year.--[[User:Sack Thaddic|Sack Thaddic]] 18:52, 3 February 2011 (PST)

:What about [[Kacey]]? She actually met in him in real life but there's no information about that on her page. -[[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 21:39, 3 February 2011 (PST)

::*Not to shoot down ideas but PandaHalo is probably out of the question as she's sorta disappeared from the trolling scene, and Kacey wants nothing to do with trolling nowadays. But keep them coming.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:48, 4 February 2011 (PST)
:I like the idea of asking Emily some questions, or maybe try and find someone from Chris's past to see how he was BEFORE the trolls came into his life... like Megan (though she herself is probably out of the question considering their past... but someone like her from Chris's past). --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 11:44, 4 February 2011 (PST)
::Lucas and Mimms? I've heard that they still keep in touch with PVCC, though I doubt they have anything else to add.--[[User:Nhocgreen|Nhocgreen]] 21:04, 4 February 2011 (PST)
:[[Alec Benson Leary]] would be a good one. Setting Asperchu aside, I think it'd be interesting to hear about what it's like trying to maintain a dialogue with Chris for up to an hour. Same goes for [[Jackie]], only with e-mail. Obviously, Jackie could get Chris's attention by being a girl, but it was still impressive how she managed to keep him going for as long as she did.--[[User:Dethchemist77|Dethchemist77]] 16:56, 4 February 2011 (PST)

:Would Vivian Gee be available?--[[User:Nhocgreen|Nhocgreen]] 21:04, 4 February 2011 (PST)

I vote Bluespike [[User:BSD|BSD]] 22:56, 4 February 2011 (PST)
Seconded for Bluespike--[[User:Wintermute|Wintermute]] 12:52, 5 February 2011 (PST)
*But BlueSpike's always on IRC anyway. Just ask him there. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 13:59, 5 February 2011 (PST)

:I vote for Emily. Out of all of the trolls, Emily comes off as the most enigmatic to me and thus, would be interesting to get some more information on her time in the trolling foxholes. [[User:John Ritter's Nutsack|John Ritter's Nutsack]] 16:00, 5 February 2011 (PST)

== Format ==

Just curious, would people prefer audio or text? Some trolls will opt for text but in cases where audio is possible, would you want it? There's the work involved in transcribing but I wonder if people will consider them more authentic. Thoughts?--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:03, 3 February 2011 (PST)

== The validity of all this (or: Incharacter/Out of character) ==

This is something I really should have thought of before starting this, but I'll bring it up here and see what you all think.

Currently, for the most part and with few tiny exceptions, things on the CWCki are from Chris's point of view. As it's been said elsewhere, this wouldn't be a very interesting wiki as it would be a wiki about basement dwellers who troll Chris if we were to go with the "true" story. Thus, we tend to go with how Chris saw the events.

There is a problem with that, namely that I've seen complaints that this confuses people who aren't sure if these people are real or trolls and more or less doesn't explain what's going on to a new person well. However, being in character helps absolve any sort of liability and responsibility as we're just reporting things as Chris has described them to us through his correspondences, media, etc.

So should we even have these interviews? If so, how should we handle them? I think that any reasonably intelligent person should realize that nothing with Chris is genuine and that it might help to explain their motives and such but at the same time sorta ruins the magic and mystique behind them.

So what do you all think? Thoughts?--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:59, 4 February 2011 (PST)

i think this idea is fucking stupid and seriously who gives a shit. honestly, only fucking people who grasp onto this whole troll persona bullshit give a shit. if you're trying to bring life into the cwcki, stop because there will never be more life into it unless we actually fix the articles we have instead of adding more fucking bullshit on top of this. besides, this goes against all this whole CITATION NEEDED bullshit if we're going to ask people about retarded nonsense because i could say anything and fuckers would grasp onto that and take it as word of god. also bluespike is a little scamp -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 23:45, 4 February 2011 (PST)

CWCki:Inside the Pickle Suit

2011-02-05T23:57:02Z

John Ritter's Nutsack: /* Questions */

'''Inside the Pickle Suit''' is an ongoing [[CWCki]] project where CWCki users can ask trolls involved with Chris their side of the story in a series of interviews in order to gain information to improve CWCki articles.

The first interview will be with '''Ivy's ghost''', scheduled for 11 February 2011.

==Candidates for Future Interviews==
Difficulty - must be trolls (no [[Megan]], [[The Wallflower]], etc.).

'''Vote for next interview on the [[CWCki talk:Inside the Pickle Suit|talk page]] by 10 February 2011.'''

Some possibilities (not inclusive):

*[[BlueSpike]]/Julie
*[[The Man in the Pickle Suit]]
*[[Emily]]
*[[Jack Thaddeus]]
*[[Clyde Cash]]

==Rules of Engagement==
*No stupid questions (i.e. "What's your REAL name?," "Where do you REALLY live?").
*Read the relevant articles first before asking.

==Questions==
Ask your questions here. Be sure to [[Help:A_Quick_Guide_to_CWCki#Sign_your_comments|sign your question]] so we know who asked it.

'''Questions for Ivy are due 10 February 2011'''

Assuming that you weren't forced to abort, what was your original plan for ending the saga? Did you have anything special planned for the breakup?--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 17:18, 3 February 2011 (PST)
* Also how did you get Chris to watch End of Evangelion and did he have any prior exposure to the series?--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 19:42, 3 February 2011 (PST)

How much contact did you have with Chris? Also, were you ever actually planning on meeting Chris like he mentions in [[For_My_Sweetest_Ivy|this]] video?--[[User:Sack Thaddic|Sack Thaddic]] 18:15, 3 February 2011 (PST)

How much input did you have into the content Chris produced during the saga? Were the Wedding/Honeymoon Comics based on your suggestions, or did Chris come up with it on his own?--[[User:Dethchemist77|Dethchemist77]] 18:27, 3 February 2011 (PST)

After the saga ended, Chris seemed uncertain about whether you were a really a troll or not. Have you ever considered re-establishing contact with him?--[[User:Dethchemist77|Dethchemist77]] 21:19, 3 February 2011 (PST)

:Doesn't Chris think Ivy died? [[User:Eamoo|Eamoo]] 11:51, 4 February 2011 (PST)

::He thought PandaHalo died earlier in the year; that didn't stop him from e-mailing her once she resurfaced. Not saying it's a good idea for Ivy to do the same, I'm just wondering if Ivy ever thought about it.--[[User:Dethchemist77|Dethchemist77]] 16:39, 4 February 2011 (PST)
:*Of course Ivy's dead, that's why we're getting an interview with her ''ghost''. But that does bring about a bigger issue, which I'll discuss in a separate section.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:50, 4 February 2011 (PST)

Opinions regarding how Chris became the way he is vary from assigning him over nine thousand different mental diseases and disorders, to crediting his 'perfect storm' of behavioral issues to simply shitty parenting of an autistic kid. As one of his more dedicated trolls, what are your thoughts? --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 13:43, 4 February 2011 (PST)

Most of the trolling aside from BlueSpike's efforts seems designed with the ultimate goal of helping Chris (eg "Get a job" is a requirement of practically all sweethearts). Do you believe this has had any effect? Can they? Following on from that, do you support BlueSpike style trolling, aka purposely inflicting as much harm on Chris as possible with no 'goal'? --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 13:43, 4 February 2011 (PST)
:That's not really "bluespike". That was really just how blue ended it. People always gloss over all the other stuff that blue got us, most notably the "bob walks in" audio. [[User:Canine|Canine]] 17:43, 4 February 2011 (PST)
Is it true that one time when Chris called you, one of your parents (or someone pretended to be your parent) picked up the phone and told Chris off for calling all the time and so damn early in the morning? --[[User:Nhocgreen|Nhocgreen]] 20:49, 4 February 2011 (PST)

Did you ever save any of the chatlogs/phone calls ect with Chris or are they lost in the Time Void forever? [[User:BSD|BSD]] 23:02, 4 February 2011 (PST)

this idea is fucking retarding i opt out. fuck you champ. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 23:42, 4 February 2011 (PST)
* edit sorry, was out celebrating chinese new years i meant to say fucking retarded. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 23:42, 4 February 2011 (PST)

Was there a point were trolling Chris stopped being fun and became a chore? As in, because he kept calling, you felt you HAD to talk to him and you HAD to keep dealing with him? A follow up question: was it your idea to end it or and outside source? -- [[User:TheMAN|TheMAN]] 03:03, 5 February 2011 (PST)

The say that a madman falling in love with you is a scarier situation than a madman wanting to kill you. Were you frightened or disturbed by any of your contacts with Chris? Or if not, were you merely amused by his bizarre methods of showing affection? --[[User:DJChaos|DJChaos]] 15:22, 5 February 2011 (PST)

Outside of what's been documented, are there any funny Chris stories you can share with us? [[User:John Ritter's Nutsack|John Ritter's Nutsack]] 15:57, 5 February 2011 (PST)

[[Category:CWCki projects]]

CWCki:Inside the Pickle Suit

2011-02-05T23:56:22Z

John Ritter's Nutsack: /* Questions */

CWCki:Inside the Pickle Suit

2011-02-05T23:55:34Z

John Ritter's Nutsack: /* Questions */

'''Inside the Pickle Suit''' is an ongoing [[CWCki]] project where CWCki users can ask trolls involved with Chris their side of the story in a series of interviews in order to gain information to improve CWCki articles.

The first interview will be with '''Ivy's ghost''', scheduled for 11 February 2011.

==Candidates for Future Interviews==
Difficulty - must be trolls (no [[Megan]], [[The Wallflower]], etc.).

'''Vote for next interview on the [[CWCki talk:Inside the Pickle Suit|talk page]] by 10 February 2011.'''

Some possibilities (not inclusive):

*[[BlueSpike]]/Julie
*[[The Man in the Pickle Suit]]
*[[Emily]]
*[[Jack Thaddeus]]
*[[Clyde Cash]]

==Rules of Engagement==
*No stupid questions (i.e. "What's your REAL name?," "Where do you REALLY live?").
*Read the relevant articles first before asking.

==Questions==
Ask your questions here. Be sure to [[Help:A_Quick_Guide_to_CWCki#Sign_your_comments|sign your question]] so we know who asked it.

'''Questions for Ivy are due 10 February 2011'''

Assuming that you weren't forced to abort, what was your original plan for ending the saga? Did you have anything special planned for the breakup?--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 17:18, 3 February 2011 (PST)
* Also how did you get Chris to watch End of Evangelion and did he have any prior exposure to the series?--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 19:42, 3 February 2011 (PST)

How much contact did you have with Chris? Also, were you ever actually planning on meeting Chris like he mentions in [[For_My_Sweetest_Ivy|this]] video?--[[User:Sack Thaddic|Sack Thaddic]] 18:15, 3 February 2011 (PST)

How much input did you have into the content Chris produced during the saga? Were the Wedding/Honeymoon Comics based on your suggestions, or did Chris come up with it on his own?--[[User:Dethchemist77|Dethchemist77]] 18:27, 3 February 2011 (PST)

After the saga ended, Chris seemed uncertain about whether you were a really a troll or not. Have you ever considered re-establishing contact with him?--[[User:Dethchemist77|Dethchemist77]] 21:19, 3 February 2011 (PST)

:Doesn't Chris think Ivy died? [[User:Eamoo|Eamoo]] 11:51, 4 February 2011 (PST)

::He thought PandaHalo died earlier in the year; that didn't stop him from e-mailing her once she resurfaced. Not saying it's a good idea for Ivy to do the same, I'm just wondering if Ivy ever thought about it.--[[User:Dethchemist77|Dethchemist77]] 16:39, 4 February 2011 (PST)
:*Of course Ivy's dead, that's why we're getting an interview with her ''ghost''. But that does bring about a bigger issue, which I'll discuss in a separate section.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:50, 4 February 2011 (PST)

Opinions regarding how Chris became the way he is vary from assigning him over nine thousand different mental diseases and disorders, to crediting his 'perfect storm' of behavioral issues to simply shitty parenting of an autistic kid. As one of his more dedicated trolls, what are your thoughts? --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 13:43, 4 February 2011 (PST)

Most of the trolling aside from BlueSpike's efforts seems designed with the ultimate goal of helping Chris (eg "Get a job" is a requirement of practically all sweethearts). Do you believe this has had any effect? Can they? Following on from that, do you support BlueSpike style trolling, aka purposely inflicting as much harm on Chris as possible with no 'goal'? --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 13:43, 4 February 2011 (PST)
:That's not really "bluespike". That was really just how blue ended it. People always gloss over all the other stuff that blue got us, most notably the "bob walks in" audio. [[User:Canine|Canine]] 17:43, 4 February 2011 (PST)
Is it true that one time when Chris called you, one of your parents (or someone pretended to be your parent) picked up the phone and told Chris off for calling all the time and so damn early in the morning? --[[User:Nhocgreen|Nhocgreen]] 20:49, 4 February 2011 (PST)

Did you ever save any of the chatlogs/phone calls ect with Chris or are they lost in the Time Void forever? [[User:BSD|BSD]] 23:02, 4 February 2011 (PST)

this idea is fucking retarding i opt out. fuck you champ. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 23:42, 4 February 2011 (PST)
* edit sorry, was out celebrating chinese new years i meant to say fucking retarded. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 23:42, 4 February 2011 (PST)

Was there a point were trolling Chris stopped being fun and became a chore? As in, because he kept calling, you felt you HAD to talk to him and you HAD to keep dealing with him? A follow up question: was it your idea to end it or and outside source? -- [[User:TheMAN|TheMAN]] 03:03, 5 February 2011 (PST)

The say that a madman falling in love with you is a scarier situation than a madman wanting to kill you. Were you frightened or disturbed by any of your contacts with Chris? Or if not, were you merely amused by his bizarre methods of showing affection? --[[User:DJChaos|DJChaos]] 15:22, 5 February 2011 (PST)

If you had the chance to, would you troll Chris again? [[User:John Ritter's Nutsack|John Ritter's Nutsack]] 15:55, 5 February 2011 (PST)

[[Category:CWCki projects]]

Allison Amber

2011-01-30T03:23:30Z

John Ritter's Nutsack: /* Trivia */

'''Allison Amber''' is [[Chris]]'s secretary in the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comics]]. She was introduced in [[Sonichu 6|Sonichu #6]] to explain how Chris can run CWCville without actually doing any work.

==Backstory==
[[Image:Allison Amber 1.jpg|thumb|200px|right|What's that, Mr. Chandler? You want me to take care of your talking zombie dog? Well, I guess the fire department's payroll can wait until tomorrow...]]
In Episode 12.5, Chris introduced his dog [[Patti]] to the storyline by having her magically transformed into the talking, bipedal [[Patti-Chan]]. Chris took her to his [[CWCville Mayoral Office|mayoral office]] in [[CWCville]], where she could run free among all the other furfags without grossing anyone out.

{{quote|Not only is it a home-away-from-home, but every city document, every public decision, every single fun event that goes on in this community are all planned and stored here in these four walls.|Chris, describing his [[Wikipedia:stasi|Stasi]] hallucinations to his dead dog}}
[[Image:Allisonambercashed.jpg|thumb|left|Allison Amber after sex with [[Clyde]]]]
Writing this part of the story must have forced Chris to give serious thought to his fictional duties as mayor, in light of the events of [[Sonichu 4]], where he was shown mostly sitting around in various shops and fast food places goofing off and praying for women to notice him. Typical of Chris's thought process, he quickly realized the solution to this plot hole: he has his secretary do everything for him.

Enter Allison Amber, a former movie star who retired in her 20s to pursue her dream of working as a mayoral aide. This would be an interesting premise, except Chris has no interest in exploring the irony of a successful movie star aspiring to be a humble secretary. Instead, this seems to just be more window dressing for Chris's fantasy life of having the ultimate goal of [[Women's Rights|all women being submissive to him]]. Not only does he have super powers, not only does he rule a whole city like a king, but he's also got a movie star handling his paperwork.

According to ''Sonichu'' #6, Allison is 26 years old, white, and blonde. One would wonder why he doesn't just go out with her instead of getting arrested for loitering at [[Get-Tar Region|Target]], so Chris established that Allison is currently "in a relationship with her... ugh... boyfriend." Observers at first assumed that Chris still had too much pride to create a fictitious sexual partner for himself, but such optimism has since been [[Lovely Weather|scuttled]].

Quite possibly the most depressing character in the series. Because, let's face it, the only thing more pathetic than being Christian Weston Chandler would have to be being his ''assistant''. This makes Allison a popular character in troll works, usually played up as a sensible woman who grudgingly tolerates Chris's madness.

==Duties==
[[Image:Allison Amber 2.jpg|thumb|300px|right|PROTIP: Don't reference good comics in your crappy comic.]]
[[Image:330-AllisonAmber.jpg|thumb|left|An early version of Allison Amber.]]
As Chris explains to Patti, Allison receives "incoming documents", looks them over, and then explains the gist of them to Chris over the phone. She then scans the documents, and uploads them to the "CWCville Sattelite", which relays the information to Chris's Nintendo DS, which apparently has Wi-Fi capabilities as well as P.D.A. functions. Chris can then read the documents for himself on the DS, and sign off on them using the touchscreen and stylus. The documents are then sent back to Amber, who prints them off with Chris's signature.

Alternatively, Allison could just forge Chris's signature and save a lot of time and trouble, but she probably sends a few over to Chris just to make him feel important.

In addition to clerical work, Allison also prepared a cell phone and credit card for Patti to use in her new life in CWCville. Chris instructed Patti to call either himself or Allison in case of emergencies, so it's a safe bet Allison's the one who's actually going to have to look after Patti and pick up her shit.

In [[Sonichu 7]], Chris was stranded indefinitely in the void of time. Upon learning this, [[Rosechu]] indicated that Allison would be able to "handle city decisions" in his absence, presumably making her the ''de facto'' Deputy Mayor. She appeared again in [[Sonichu 8]], apparently weary of her newfound responsibilities, because apparently it's too much for a mere woman to handle.

In the [[CWCipedia]], Chris clarifies that Allison has actually been the Vice-Mayor the whole time, but apparently because she's a [[Women's Rights|woman]] she has to settle for the lowly title of Secretary. Chris also clarifies that "NO FAVORS OF ANY KIND WENT ON Between [him] and her," correctly deducing that we would all assume he would use his authority as mayor to force himself on the nearest pretty girl. Oh, and this information all appears on the [[BILLY MAYS]] article, because Chris won't waste the time to create a CWCipedia article on a woman [[Rosechu|unless constantly pressured]].

For no obvious reason, Allison has a picture of Batman hanging on the wall behind her desk. This may be an oblique reference to "[[Family Guy]]", which features ''Batman'' star Adam West as a mayor, but this seems pretty subtle for Chris. It could be that Allison Amber, given her alliterative name, is a reference to superhero love interests/female assistants, like Pepper Potts of ''Iron Man'' and Lois Lane of ''Superman'', and showing Batman is some weird way of pointing that out even though he has no love interest akin to those examples. In all likelihood, though, Chris doesn't care about Batman as a comic book character, and just has his picture back there because he was in a successful movie. Allison, being a former movie star, would obviously have a Batman poster. Unless her boyfriend just ''is'' Batman.

==Trivia==
*The Batman picture might be a reference to how Allison is like Lucius Fox, an assistant that does all her superior's work while he is out fighting crime, but in Allison's case, fighting crime is wanking. But again, this may be too subtle for Chris.
*Allison Amber appears on Chris's "One Girl Coupon", a sort of sex coupon that entitles the bearer to one girlfriend, and the recipients must "do anything necessary." Golden showers, Cleveland steamers, and going Greek may still be extra though. This ticket is absolute proof that Chris is ''[[White_knight_emails#September_2008_.E2.80.94_Chris_denies_being_fat_and_sexist|not]]'' a [[Women's rights|sexist]]. Also note that it says "of any [[Pedofork|desired]] [[Zapina|age]]."

WARNING: Presenting this coupon to about 99.9% of girls will earn you at least five kicks to at least five areas below the waist, and you may find yourself placed on the sex offender registry. Always.
[[Image:331-Girlcoupon.jpg|center|ONE GIRLFRIEND, PLEASE.]]

[[Category: Characters]]
[[Category: Plot Devices]]

White knight

2011-01-18T01:44:20Z

John Ritter's Nutsack: /* Autism does not excuse a terrible person */

[[Image:White knight.jpg|center]]
[[Image:Jack's Knight as William Spicer.jpg|thumb|right|180px|Artist's conception. Bad artist, but still.]]

{{quote|Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?|Chris, [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|CWC Music Video ~ "Holding Out For a Hero"]]}}

'''White knight''' is a term used to describe someone who goes on the Internet to help or defend someone else on the Internet against other people on the Internet out of pity or compassion. White knighting of Chris is especially prevalent because of the unprecedented amount of abuse he has taken, which in turn is caused by Chris's total inability to heed the white knights in his life.

'''Counter-trolls''' are those who take Chris's side to spite his legion of [[trolls]]. Some do this because trolling one gullible idiot is less satisfying than trolling trolls, who actually have the ability to understand what is going on. Others have decided that Chris has jumped the shark and are trying to make everyone else leave him alone to put a stop to an old meme. Counter-trolls are not to be confused with [[anti-troll]]s, who fight trolls in order to get closer to Chris and troll him themselves.

A meta-topic within the broader Chris saga has been the merits of attempting to help Chris stop being such an epic lulzcow, and whether he is deserving of such assistance or even beyond help. The consensus on forums such as the talk page for Chris's [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] article, /cwc/, [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]], and [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|#sonichu]] is that Chris's [[racism]], [[Chris and Sex|homophobia]], and [[Chris and his Ego|narcissism]] make him beneath contempt; and that he has consistently refused to take advice given to him in good faith. White knights and counter-trolls are considered to be wasting everyone's time and trolls have little patience for them.

==Motives==

===Pity===
Following the release of Chris's first [[nudes|nude photos]] and the [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 21st, 2008|21 October 2008 video]] in which he reacted to the loss of his [[medallion]]s and [[Blanca]], many people, including trolls, felt sorry for him. They had not expected it to be possible for him to be trolled so hard or for him to appear so shattered.

===Empathy===
The Internet is full of autistic people, man-children, and self-absorbed morons. Many of them are right here, fascinated with Chris-chan. All of them see something of themselves in him, whether it's his all-consuming need for female companionship or his fervent belief that his homemade comics matter. A lot of white knights have made at least some of the mistakes Chris has made and have since wised up. They think they can help improve Chris by offering the benefit of their experience.

BAAAAAAAW! ''[[Kick the Autistic]]'' is a cruel game. Quit it!

===Circumstances beyond Chris's control===
There is ongoing debate about whether Chris is actually [[autism|autistic]]. Regardless, there is clear evidence that he suffers from serious mental deficiencies of some kind.

Chris [[fail]]s to identify people, a possible sign of [[Wikipedia:Prosopagnosia|Prosopagnosia]]. [[BlueSpike|Julie and her brother Max]] used the same voice, and yet Chris couldn't recognize that they were the same person. Pictures of different women were used to depict [[Blanca]], and yet Chris thought they were the same person. Chris believed that pictures of [[Wikipedia:Megan Fox|Megan Fox]] were of [[Wikipedia:Vanessa Hudgens|Vanessa Hudgens]].<ref>[[Vanessa AIM Chat 9|Vanessa AIM Chat IX]]</ref> In high school, Chris memorized his appearance in the mirror because he had trouble recognizing himself.<ref>[[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] - [http://thedailypos.org/misc/sonichu/Issue%207/SchuComic8Page24.jpg "...I had to train my brain to visually remember what I looked like..."]</ref> Since he probably hasn't "updated" his self-image, this is a possible explanation regarding why he denies being fat.

Chris cannot "read between the lines" or otherwise interpret subtlety. He interprets ''[[Family Guy]]'' as being against homosexuality.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009]]</ref> When two male acquaintances exchanged sarcastic homosexual remarks, Chris concluded that they were gay.<ref>Anecdote by [[Mimms]].</ref>

Furthermore, Chris's upbringing was anything but ideal. All of these factors and probably many more have helped give us the man-child we know today.

===The trolls are even worse people than Chris===
Another frequently heard line of reasoning is that the trolls have gone way too far, and have demonstrated that they're even worse than Chris, or at least equally pathetic. For example, [[BlueSpike]]'s sadistic abuse of his control over Chris [[BLUESPIKE#Encyclopedia_Dramatica_Troll_War|outraged even trolls]]. And, of course, who really has no life here: Chris, or the people who [[CWCki|obsessively document and debate everything he does]]?

==Reasons against white knighting==
===Chris lacks empathy himself===
:''See also: [[Chris and death]] and [[Chris and his Ego]].''
Chris cannot put himself in your shoes or accept that you have been where he is. He has no "theory of mind": if you used to be as shy around women as he is today, in his mind the fact that you aren't shy anymore makes your experience inapplicable to his situation. To Chris, the fact you got over it and he hasn't yet makes the two cases entirely different. He doesn't want to solve his problems by trying what worked for you, he only wants you to pity him for having problems, until he [[Dating education|magically dreams up his own solution]].

:'''RocketFox:''' My father died of liver cancer and cirrohosis a day ago ;~; he drank a ton and it hurt him - I'm only 11 and I dunno what to do ;~;
:'''Chris:''' RocketFox, you will soon recover from your father's accident, I guess it is; DO NOT DRINK Alcohol yourself; STAY OFF THAT JUNK.<ref>[[IRC (16 October 2008)]]</ref>

Chris's interpretation of the death of RocketFox's dad as an accident shows that he didn't even bother to look up what cirrhosis is. Immediately afterward, he started talking about a sexy dance.

Chris's reactions to suicide are very telling. After [[Ryan Cash]] died because of Chris, Chris marveled at how much power he had right after he tried to publicly console [[Clyde Cash]].<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate December 28th, 2008]]</ref> When [[Sarah May]] attempted suicide because of Chris, his reasons for her to stay alive were "I'd feel terrible" and "I'd just cry."<ref>[[Mumble 8|Mumble #8]]</ref><ref>[[CWC Shout Out to Sarah May]]</ref> When Chris broke up with [[Ivy]], he somehow concocted, in his head, an assumption that she had committed suicide. Even after having lost so many dear friends to suicide, he still had no problems telling Clyde and [[Jack Thaddeus]] to [[death threats|kill themselves]]. Many people who have had to dealt with suicidal people or have lost relatives and friends due to suicides might not exactly find this amusing.

In the [[Common_Questions#22_February_2010|22 February 2010]] edition of the [[CWCipedia]]'s "Common Questions", Chris listed the top ten worst things to have ever happened to him. The deaths of "two True and Good Women who [he] had friendships with," [[PandaHalo]] and [[Sarah Jackson]], ranked seventh. Those tragic events ranked below getting banned from a game store, finding out two people from said store were posting info about him on ED, and having his personal websites hacked.

On [[Twin Falling Towers|1 November 2009]], Chris made a video involving Clyde being as "weak as the Twin Towers" and used his mouse cursor as a plane flying into them.<ref>[[Twin Falling Towers]]</ref>

When Rashid Ali Abdul, an Iranian [[trolls|fan]], told him that her country's religious authorities sentenced her to death by beheading for reading ''Sonichu'', Chris said that he was sorry and that the situation was "pitiful".<ref>[[Mailbag 8|Mailbag #8]]</ref>

While some of this can be attributed to Chris's [[autism]], a condition that often results in a lack of empathy, most autistics can at least learn how to express empathy through a combination of carefully reading the emotions of others and thinking about how a situation affects other people. Chris refuses to seek serious counseling or psychiatric help for this sort of thing - but that's another point.

===Autism does not excuse a terrible person===
Chris knows he has trouble understanding non-verbal social cues due to his autism,<ref>[[Quizzes#Autism Quiz]]</ref> and yet he still jumps the gun on interpreting other people's intentions all the time.

Autism, in and of itself, does not create a failure as massive as Chris Chandler. A majority of autistics manage to get psychiatric help for their problem and/or are able to develop social and emotional skills so they can cope with their disability and lead rewarding and rich lives. Yet while Chris acknowledges he has a problem, he refuses to do anything more than see the [[Rocky Shoemaker|pastoral counselor]] at his church, who is not a professional trained in the treatment of autism spectrum disorders.<ref>[[Vivian's AIM chat]]</ref>

Chris is fully capable of understanding the consequences of his actions. He has a sense of morality (even if he often ignores it in favor of his own selfish interests). He would be (and has been) held accountable for his own actions in a court of law (and rightfully so). The fact he is a racist, a homophobe, and a chauvinist have nothing to do with his autism.

===Chris is beyond pity===

[[Image:Chrischantwoface.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's mood is all over the place, even between videos posted shortly after each other. "[[Happy Sonichu Day|Thank you for your support]]"... "[[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|Goddamn womanizing raping trollin' stupid pickle-suited n—!]]"]]

Chris is capable of doing some very bad things when provoked, which is a quite understandable (if not acceptable) response to trolling. However, "provocation" in this case doesn't necessarily mean harassment or trolling. Merely disagreeing with Chris or asking him why he does what he does can provoke an attack, up to and including threats of violence and death. When Chris is annoyed, frustrated, or overcome by desire or lust, he's capable of doing ''nasty'' things. Moreover, when Chris loses it, he doesn't think of the consequences of his actions at all, and his expressions of outrage are completely out of proportion to the provocation — often more outrageous in themselves than whatever the trolls did.

Chris [[Yu-Gi-Oh!|insulted little kids in card games]] and scared some of them away from visiting [[The GAMe PLACe]]. [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]], who frequented The GAMe PLACe and knew Chris in real life years before he was discovered by the Internet, couldn't list any redeemable qualities he possessed.

Chris sexually harassed a [[Megan|woman]] in real life. Megan made it explicitly clear to him that his physical contact and comments to her were unacceptable, but he continued anyway, convinced that eventually she would learn to love being molested by a mentally ill man-child and become his [[Sweethearts|Sweetheart From The Ground Up]].

After Megan yelled at Chris for uploading [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|a picture of him fingerbanging her]] to [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], he did not apologize,<ref name="Megan Saga">[http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Chris-chan/Megan_Saga Megan Saga]</ref> but rather explained to her (in a terribly [[naïve]] way) how a handjob works, under the misguided assumption that she merely was upset because she didn't recognize the sex act being performed, or in the hope that she would rationalize what he did on this basis. He then had the nerve to say to her, "I am hurting SOOOOO MUCH MORE than you can be."<ref name="Megan Saga"/> Why? Not because of the picture, but because the trolls were being mean to him. Yes, ''him''. Based on [[List of Chris's ED edits|his ED edits]], he was more concerned with people thinking he was fingering his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|imaginary twin sister]] than he was with defending Megan's honor.

After each of his online relationships ends, Chris starts looking for a new [[sweetheart]] right away, ''even if she died''. No matter the setback, his ego keeps getting bigger.

In mid-July 2009, he [[The July 10th Messages|addressed a person named "SonichuIzCool"]] on YouTube. SonichuIzCool was (''was'') probably the only genuine fan of ''Sonichu'' discovered to date, someone who tried to defend Chris and his comic. She was also genuinely mentally retarded. In his YouTube message, Chris called her "naïve and [[slow in the mind]]." He told her she had to "come out where [he] can meet [her]." Another side of this incident is that his YouTube account had been recently hacked, and he had managed to recover it this time, thus avoiding all of the nasty evil damage the trolls ''might'' have caused. After he posted this video, though, he got his account suspended due to ''his own actions''.

In early November 2009, in his attempt to blackmail Clyde Cash, Chris went so far as to mock the [[Twin Falling Towers|World Trade Center terror attacks]]. When feeling angry at Clyde Cash, he not only thought it would be a good idea to blackmail him, but he used the ''destruction of two skyscrapers full of people after being hit by airliners full of jet fuel and human beings'' as a metaphor for how weak he thought Clyde was. When people got angry, he tried to fix things by turning the WTC towers into cake candles. To the best of anyone's knowledge, Chris was never coaxed or encouraged by an outside source to use the WTC images. He came up with this reprehensible idea all on his own.

[[Image:MikesWedding.jpg|thumb|right|Happily forever after.]]

In January 2010, a fan named Mike Jackson asked Chris for advice, whether he should [[Mailbag 31#If your kids are 16 or 17, you should watch porn with them|watch porn with his family]] and [[Mailbag 35#In which Chris advises a father to buy his son whores|buy a prostitute for his son, Mike Junior, or not]]. Chris, being such an [[Dating Education|expert]], allowed him to do so. In the end Mike Jr. ran away with the prostitute, and Mike asked Chris to make a [[YouTube]] video asking his son to come back home. Unfortunately, Chris is under a lot of [[stress]], and can not make the video. Mike Jr. is married to the prostitute in Las Vegas, and his father died from sleeping pill overdose. Chris didn't even give a damn about the obituary linked by Mike's wife, and responded to his son's grieves and anger with three words [[Chris and remorse|"I am sorry."]]

===Chris cares only for himself===
Chris spends [[monthly tugboat|your tax money]] on luxuries and steals from his parents to buy [[PSN|video games]] he'll never play. He has the basic skills necessary to hold down a job, so long as it didn't require him to do much interacting with other people, and programs exist specifically to find appropriate jobs for the mentally challenged, but Chris hasn't even tried since being fired from [[Wendy's]].

Further reinforcing his selfishness and laziness, Chris and his family strongly agree it's better for him to hole up in his room and get paid for doing absolutely nothing than to seek out the challenge of finding gainful employment in the real world. This is based on the (quite possibly untrue) assertion that Chris can earn more on disability than from a job. By taking advantage of the government through vastly exaggerated claims of an easily manageable illness which they refuse to help Chris treat, Chris's parents are assured a steady income in the form of his room-and-board payments, and don't have to worry about Chris getting in trouble with the law [[Chris and the Law|again]] when he has another breakdown in public.

===Chris is not a good net citizen===
{{quote|I will have NO DISCUSSIONS GOING ON BEHIND MY BACK ON MY OWN WEBSITE WHATSOEVER!|Chris, on reader participation via [[Twitter]].}}
Chris is more concerned with spreading his own version of [[Honest Content|honest truth]] than being a good net citizen. He has adopted the mentality that most spammers have adopted: who cares about things like terms of service and account suspensions and masses of pissed-off people as long as his message gets through? He won't participate in the communities of the sites he posts on. This is not mere ''passivity'' in those communities, which might still be tolerable; he ''deliberately opposes'' such participation. Most people, while not bothering to contribute to communities, would not at least make deliberate efforts to hinder the community. On [[deviantART]], [[YouTube]] and [[Flipnote Hatena]], he disables all comments, probably because he knew he'd not get any praise anyway — yet this ignores the fact that open commenting is part of the nature of these sites and disabling comments should be done only if it's being clearly used for flagrant abuses of the system, like spam and votebotting. He regards YouTube purely as a video publishing venue and not as a tool for engaging in discussion with his "fans". He created his [[Wikipedia]] user page purely to spread his own message, and did not come to Wikipedia to participate in building an encyclopedia. If the site owners block him, he just comes up with another account or a sockpuppet. The thought of apologizing, getting old accounts reinstated, or the possibility that people who block him might be trying to send him a message never cross his mind.

Chris's behavior on [[CWCipedia]] provides many more examples of his selfish attitude, such as the banner ad crisis in late 2009. He doesn't understand what it ''really'' means that the website is neither hosted nor paid for by him personally, and what sort of things the administration typically does on a website like his. He can't or won't understand simple principles like "webhost's house, webhost's rules," or "beggars can't be choosers," but instead believes that since the site has his name on it, it should be run according to his every demand.

===Chris will reject your advice===
[[Image:0231-MrsSanfordsWiseWords.jpg|thumb|right|What are you going to tell Chris that his [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|favorite teacher]] didn't tell him 15 years ago?]]
Someone [[White knight emails|carefully explained to Chris why he is a sexist]]. In response, Chris got angry. He is only interested in a guide on how to attract women without first making any changes to himself. Most ridiculous: he denies being overweight.

Read [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|Vivian's AIM chat]]. Vivian actually used to be a counter-troll, and warned Chris several times that [[PandaHalo]] was a troll. Chris fell for PandaHalo anyway. She then tried to talk some damn sense on him over AIM. But Chris proved to be so goddamn stubborn, she actually tossed the towel and became a troll out of spite. In Vivitheg's words: "i've tried for 3 hours now; it's like fighting a wall, i can't beat the wall no matter how hard i try." Not only has she long since joined the troll ranks, but Chris even began [[Sign Destruction Video|berating and sending threats]] to his biggest white knight ever.

===Chris will reject your disclosure of the truth===
* [[Hanna]] was a real life troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Lori Lopez]] was a real life troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Blanca]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[PandaHalo]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it, despite [[Vivitheg]]'s warnings.<ref>[[Vivian Gee E-mails]]</ref>
* [[Robert Simmons V]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Sarah May]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Sarah Jackson]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Julie]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Ivy]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it, despite warnings from the counter-troll that must not be named.
* [[Vanessa Hudgens]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Emily]] was a real life troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Kacey]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it. She also married [[CChanSonichuCWC|the TRUE and HONEST Christian Weston Chandler]].
* [[Father Call|Matthew, Kacey's father]] was a troll, and Chris fell for it.
* [[Jackie]] is a troll, and Chris is falling for it.

See a pattern here? Do you really think he will believe any evidence you send him proving that every fan he has, and pretty much every person he has been in contact with over the past year, is a troll?

===Chris's normal life is often weirder than the trolling===
Chris won't take your advice, so he will fall for trolling. Trolls do weird things and Chris believes almost everything. But even if Chris had no white knights or trolls, his life would still be weird.

Chris's own accomplishments, without any external suggestion or assistance, are sometimes even more jaw-dropping than what the trolls think up. His [[Chris and the Law#Law troubles|previous brushes]] with [[Jerkops|authority figures]] and his [[Attraction Sign|bizarre]] [[Fridays After Five|behavior]] during his outside leisure time are good examples.

===Chris asks for it, and always recovers===
Hellbent on spreading his version of the truth because he's TRUE and HONEST, Chris cannot realize that his edit warring on Encyclopedia Dramatica was practically a squeal begging for more trolling.

[[wiktionary:TMI|TMI]] is a tactic Chris uses that usually leads to him abusing himself. Since Chris insists on revealing the most minute details of his life to everyone he meets, the trolls always get more information to fuel further acts of trolling. White knights cannot stop our hero from being Honest.

Chris doesn't get embarrassed either. Oh, his nudes and lewd acts are all over the internet? No big deal! [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|All adults do that kind of thing, so what's the problem?]]

Chris managed to fully recover from the depressing [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 21st, 2008|21 October 2008 video]] mentioned above (and quite quickly, too) and proceeded to fail even harder for months. Likewise, despite professing great emotional distress, he bounced back from [[CWC is Sad|the loss of Kacey]] in [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|a matter of hours]]. So what's the problem?

===Chris made himself an outcast===
High school and college are the places and moments where people are given their first and often only chance to become a functioning part of society. They gave Chris an even greater chance because he's [[autistic]]. They lent him a friendly, caring hand and opened themselves to his friendship, males and females alike. And what did Chris do? He ''refused, by choice,'' to associate with anyone who wasn't female, young, rich, white, and within the Charlottesville area.

When [[Mary Lee Walsh|the dean]] gave him a chance to reform his behavior, he kept going with his bullshit, and was rightly kicked out of [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] for a full year. What did he learn from that? He learned that Mary Lee Walsh was an evil hag with a personal vendetta against him. He was given ''several'' chances to learn that his [[Attraction sign|loitering and soliciting]] were not appropriate behavior in a public place, and what did he learn? He learned that mall cops are [[Jerkops]], that [[Virginia is for Virgins]], and that his [[Love Quest]] was a matter of him against the world, with the world in the role of the villain. After he was kicked out of The GAMe PLACe (where he was again given more leeway than most people ever would have gotten, out of a sense of misguided pity), he was barred from the last place in Ruckersville that was still open to him, and left with only one place: his home.

Now, it's too late for Chris. He was given a friendly hand, but he angrily bit it, and that hand will never reach out to him again. He doesn't even belong in his own home anymore. He spends most of his time in exile in his fantasy land of [[CWCville]], the one and only place still open to him, and that place ''doesn't even exist''.

===[[Stress]]===
In order to get close to Chris, white knights have to spend at least as much time and effort as trolls to get up-to-date and to thwart the troll output. They'd probably have to lie and pretend to be a girl or video game designer to even capture his attention. This combined with Chris's usual responses is enough to make any sane non-professional psychologist [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 21st, 2008|crash into slumber]].

===Chris will not even read your message===
The spam filter is a powerful innovation of good ol' America Online. Any e-mails sent to his private address will be deleted, probably unread, and any e-mails sent to the [[Mailbag]], if they even get published, will be [[Mailbag 29|given one-word replies and ignored]].

===The trolling will not cease===
Even if white knights get to Chris somehow, there is no endgame in which Chris will be free from trolls before his death.

In school, Chris was trolled by his classmates. He was even trolled by one of his [[Joshua Martinez|real life friends]]. In college, he was trolled by friends who grew sick of his bullshit (e.g. [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]]), and by [[Anna McLerran|girls]] [[Hannah|annoyed]] by his "attraction methods" and rampant, unabashed sexism. If Chris quit the Internet tomorrow, he would still be trolled by a society that refuses to tolerate ignorant man-children flouting its rules.

If everyone trying to create his next fake sweetheart suddenly got bored and quit, Chris would unwittingly seek out new trolls to take their place, and we know newfags are more than willing.

If Chris isn't assigned a custodian after his parents die, his story will probably end when he falls victim to some con artist who swindles him out of his [[monthly tugboat]] and perhaps his home. If Chris does get assigned a custodian, he will continue his antics until the custodian kicks him out or bans him from the Internet. If the custodian bans Chris from the Internet, that's Chris trolling himself.

If Chris gets institutionalized, he will attract [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_wJvL2BAbQ real life trolls] at the mental hospital. If Chris does not go into an institution and instead ends up in prison due to circumstances that cannot be foreseen, he will be trolled there as well.

If the entire world reforms and decides to leave Chris alone, his own sense of victimization will override any benefit. Consider that Chris felt persecuted simply by observing [[Jerks|males who had more success than himself]]. He regards legitimate assertions of authority as rank brutality. [[Adam Stackhouse]] managed to upset Chris to a degree that CWC observers rate among the most impressive to date, and he did it without even knowing that Chris existed at the time. Bleak as it is, unless Chris embarks on a program of radical self-improvement and/or learns some humility, and manages against the odds to shake off both his legions of abusers and seamy reputation, he will forever feel like a [[Kick the Autistic|thoroughly-kicked autistic]].

===The trolling helps Chris and, indeed, others===
If Chris were just some random nobody on the Internet, he'd be doing nothing but playing video games and occasionally drawing unsellable comics until his parents died. Then he'd be institutionalized. He'd remain without social skills, a virgin all his life, with no job, success or future.

Instead, Chris's antics have become a cultural phenomenon that — without exaggeration — is something extraordinary, unique, and which likely won't be replicated in any shape or form for years to come. Chris has secured his place among such luminaries as the Time Cube Guy and John Titor, and unlike the Time Cube Guy, you can actually comprehend what Chris is saying most of the time. Chris interacting with the world through his websites and YouTube has drawn in a crowd of people who are participating in an unprecedented, continual piece of performance art of a kind that would have been unheard of only a few years ago. He brings entertainment to thousands of people all over the world, an accomplishment that most could never dream of achieving — the kind of thing that would give Dane Cook a stiffy just to consider. His Internet fame is actually a sort of success in its own right, and may bring him further success. There are thousands of people out there that are so fascinated by him that they study his life on a daily basis.

One could argue that if Chris eventually "retired" from this comedy act by actually coming to terms with his problems, seeking professional help, and completely reforming (and selling media rights to his life's story to the highest bidder, like all sensible people would do), he could live the rest of his life secure and probably moderately wealthy. The troll audience would give him a standing ovation for entertaining them for as long as he did, and move on to the next piece of tragicomedy brought to us by the emerging Web technologies. We have seen far more messed-up celebrity stories already; Chris's tale is at least quite different from the norm and engaging.

What's more, the trolls provide him with an actual social outlet to learn and grow in life. Instead of being an unemployable, hideous, fat, virgin bedroom-dweller that nobody has ever heard of, he's an Internet-famous unemployable, hideous, fat, virgin bedroom dweller and this by itself increases his chances of getting friends and a girl. He may even end up employed, too, probably appearing in an advertisement or sponging off royalties from any biographical medium, whether it be a book, movie, or TV series. He could become the next William Hung if he put half an ounce of effort into it.

Also, Chris's constant failure at life has inspired [[Autism#Chris and other autistics|hundreds]] to self-improvement. Really, he's accomplishing a pretty good thing here.

===Chris treats "fans" and white knights like crap===
If you try to white knight him, his response is merely to block you on YouTube, AIM or any other messenger service and never respond. He accuses practically all white knights of being trolls. Quite ironic, isn't it? He screams "I'M STRAIGHT!" when you tell him up front that you're a guy. When you tell him his current "girlfriend" is actually a troll, he'll accuse you of wanting to "break up the relationship for the lulz." He'll be rude, won't listen and won't read between the lines. He will always bite the hand that feeds him, so you should just let him wallow in his own self loathing.

{{quote|Whatever.|Send Chris a 400-word, well-reasoned email — get a [[Mailbag 29#Whatever|1-word reply]] back.}}
{{quote|You can go f*** yourself.|[[Mailbag 43#Go Fuck Yourself, too!|A not-so reasonable reply]] to reasonable criticism.}}

Chris doesn't treat his (perceived) fans much better. Even aside from the SonichuIzCool incident mentioned above, Chris has severe problems answering questions from his fans (or trolls who pretend to be positive fans), and will often react in a hostile manner to everything he sees as negative or offensive. His [[Mailbag]] is the most obvious example. He hates being corrected, and tenaciously clings to his misinformed beliefs; his insistence that Asperger's Syndrome and autism are unrelated is a good example of this. When or if he's having a good day and manages to answer questions from fans at all, he often gives them very brief, one or two word answers that do not elaborate on anything, or outright ignore parts of the question. Not only is he terse, but he's slow to act as well; for example, it [[Brutal Legend Plus|took him three days to realize]] that a [[Brutal Legend|video he uploaded]] was seriously broken. He also promised that [[Sonichu Fan Promo|a spectacular fan creation]] would be officially featured in the ''Sonichu'' comic — and it ultimately was, ''over a year later''.

Most webcomics have a specific schedule that they have decided to follow. Many webcomics fail to live up to them – some less, some more; some for good reasons, some have no excuse whatsoever. Chris didn't have a set schedule for the comic for the longest time, but then agreed to update the comic on a daily basis, a schedule which even the most well-funded webcomic artists would consider particularly demanding. In February and March 2010, there have been few updates to the comic. When the inevitable complaints about schedule slip started to come, Chris snapped at his fans by saying that inspiration takes its time, forgetting that it was ''he'' who decided daily updates were the way to go. As the "Great Director Chandler", he could have the power to decide what schedule to follow, but instead, he chose to attack his fans.

==Examples==
:''Read: [[White knight emails]]''

[[Svenka]] is a counter-troll.

On 6 [[May 2009]], [[YouTube]] user xThexPinchx/NorthxStar7/[http://www.youtube.com/user/ThePinchisDaBomb ThePinchisDaBomb] tried to blackmail major trolls, claiming to have information on them. He was easily called on his bluff by someone who had not trolled Chris at all.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/user/softerthanhardware YouTube]</ref> The Pinch has also threatened [[BlueSpike]] saying he has information from his friends but the thing is '''BLUESPIKE HAS NO FRIENDS'''.

====TV Tropes====
[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Sonichu The TV Tropes article on ''Sonichu''] used to have a white knight message as the first text of the article, with a link back to this very page. The message is reproduced below:

{{quote|Hey Chris! If you're reading this: you seriously need to get help from licensed professionals, before the stuff you do gets you thrown in prison or forcibly committed. And we're sorry, but you have no real fans - the people you think are your fans are really either trolls or laughing at you behind your back. Every. Last. One. Please listen to us - for once.|- Concerned tropers}}

Unfortunately, TV Tropes doesn't have as much experience with Chris as we do and fails to realize that [[Chris and his ego|their message, while well intentioned, will do absolutely nothing]] and Chris will simply ignore it even if he does [[Mailbag 52|fully read and input it for better development. Thank you for your time.]]

For reasons unknown, the message was removed.

==Conclusion==
As good as your intentions may be, there is no conceivable way any mortal man alive can reach Chris and change him for the better. Your efforts will unfortunately fail, and he will just brush you aside, seeing no difference between you and the trolls. Nothing short of divine intervention, revelation, or a horrifyingly close brush with death will change him. You would be best to leave him be and find something else to do with your time. All we can do is hope that one of the three aforementioned scenarios happen at some point, [[Chris and Religion|though the first two seem highly unlikely]].

==Sauces==
<references />

==External links==
* [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/White_knight White Knighting] article at [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]].

[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Trolling]]

Women's rights

2011-01-14T22:44:02Z

John Ritter's Nutsack:

[[Image:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|thumb|Chris giving the thumbs up (and two fingers) to women's rights.]]
[[Image:Motivator8532911.jpg|thumb|Chris appreciating a woman's right to take off their clothes and be seen as objects.]]

'''Women's rights''', at least in [[Chris]]'s mind, refer to the right of women to take their clothes off in protest of being drawn with [[pickles]].

Given his admitted love of the [[Pre-1980#1960s|1964]] classic ''[[Mary Poppins]]'', he presumably stole the concept from the character of [[Wikipedia:Mary_Poppins_(film)#Mrs._Banks|Mrs. Banks]], who is a suffragette in 1910 London.<ref>Lyrics from "The Life I Lead": "It's grand to be an Englishman in 1910 / [[Wikipedia:Edward VII of the United Kingdom|King Edward]]'s on the throne / It's the age of men!"</ref> Of course, Chris wouldn't have the first idea of what [[Wikipedia:Women's suffrage|women's suffrage]] is, let alone the impact it had on world history, and why it was being shown in the movie in the first place.

==Basis in ''Mary Poppins''==

[[Image:Ss03.jpg|thumb|right|Mrs. Banks, wearing the "Votes for Women" sash that Chris so blatantly mis-interpreted.]]
[[Image:Suffragette.jpg|thumb|left|[[Wikipedia:Rufus Isaacs, 1st Marquess of Reading|Sir Rufus Isaacs]] justifies violence? Who could have such horrible objections to a woman's right to [[hanky-panky]]?]]

His extreme zeal for "women's rights" probably comes from a Mrs. Banks, the mother of Jane and Michael. As the story is set in 1910 London, women do not yet have the right to vote. Mrs. Banks is the first character we see in the film proper, and she also sings the first song, "Sister Suffragette", during which she mentions [[Wikipedia:Emmeline_Pankhurst|Emmeline Pankhurst]] being arrested (again).<ref>"Take heart! For Missus Pankhurst has been clapped in irons again!</ref>

Mrs. Banks and her friends were depicted as struggling for the greater cause of being treated as an equal, with the same rights and treatment. But Chris takes it to mean they simply want to remove their clothes and fuck.

==Background==
[[Image:RosechuTheIncredibleLioness.jpg|thumb|The very essence of femininity, according to Chris. How else are we supposed to interpret this?]]
[[Image:SchuComic9P35.jpg|thumb|left|Things going on in Chris's head: "Ooh, let's make a fan comic of Ze German Wasching Machine porn film. Wait, that'd make me look like a sexist jerk. Let's add a disclaimer. There! It's all peachy now!"]]

It is obvious that Chris is ''aware'' of the idea that [[Wikipedia:Sexual objectification|objectifying]] women is frowned upon; every time he makes his female characters use their feminine qualities (to put it altogether too mildly), he is quick to add a disclaimer that he respects the women for ''both'' their minds and bodies, and/or make the claim that the characters are doing it because they want to fight for the women's rights. However, due to his [[autism|mental block]], he fails to understand what society would consider a correct course of action, to wit, not objectify the women in the first place, and that disclaimers like these won't alleviate the fact that he's doing something that is considered inappropriate. In short, "[[Chris and hypocrisy|do as I say, not as I do]]."

Instead, Chris allows himself to be controlled by his own desires, and has soaked in all sorts of knowledge about women primarily from [[anime]], [[video games]], and in particular [[pornography]], which Chris considers "educational".<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga]]</ref> He has had several problems realizing the difference between exaggerated stereotypes and the reality, as also evidenced by his [[racism|racist remarks]].

[[Image:Needs more cleavage.jpg|thumb|Christian Weston Chandler: Fighting for women's rights, every chance he gets.]]

Chris's most prominent reference to women's rights occurs at the end of ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' in [[Episode 17]], in which the [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]] of [[CWCville]] strip to celebrate their victory over [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] and assert their dominance over [[4-cent garbage.com]].

Chris's understanding of women's rights demonstrates how entrenched his stereotypical view of women truly is. While not outwardly misogynistic, Chris nevertheless has a view that true liberation for women involves their being able to strip without interference, and to be interpreted as women without [[pickle]]s.

For Chris, the truest expression of a woman's freedom is to strip naked. More tellingly, the truest expression of a woman's freedom is to strip and produce erotic artwork for a male audience. Chris subtly admits that women possess a great deal of power over him; in his mind, they are truly able to exercise their complete freedom in society when given the right to fully exploit what gives them power - their [[china]]s, tits, and asses. True women's liberation does not involve the treatment of women as equals, but rather opens up avenues for half of the population to finally get the chance to exploit the other half. It is possible that he got this notion from an episode of [[Family Guy#American Dad!|''American Dad!'']] ("[[Wikipedia:Stan Knows Best|Stan Knows Best]]") where [[Wikipedia:Hayley Smith (American Dad!)|Hayley]] becomes a stripper, though this is unlikely.

In the comics, the women are portrayed as only enjoying shopping and cooking, and they cannot even enjoy these for themselves. They cook for the men - and when they go shopping, they buy clothes to wear for their significant other/crush.

Despite their phenomenal talent for fighting evil, Chris depicts [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]] as passive [[Sex toys|sexual toys]] for [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichus]]. Reflecting Chris's own distorted image of women, the Rosechus in his comics tend to exhibit a desire to engage in stereotypical behavior, with occasional aggressive sexual overtures. Women play the role of deus ex machina in Chris's comics - occasionally leaving their role as supporting characters to engage in acts of great bravery and heroism. This mindset is painfully obvious in Chris's interaction with women during his [[Love Quest]]. Chris takes on a passive role in his attraction strategy, waiting to be approached by women who he thinks will take interest in his appearance. Chris essentially is looking for a [[Barbara Chandler|maternal figure]] in his life (paging Dr. Freud). Rather than aiming to better himself, he is looking to be fulfilled and served by women. Rather than having the full potential to use their talents in society, women's rights are the rights of women to bring pleasure to men as Chris sees fit.

When occasionally confronted with his sexism, Chris becomes extremely indignant and offended.<ref>[[White knight e-mails#September 2008 — Chris denies being fat and sexist</ref>. When his sexism is pointed out, he gets upset and clarifies that he would never harm a woman (though he has no problem [[Death threats#Vivian Gee|threatening them]]). Chris seems to be under the impression that "sexism" basically means "physical abuse," and can't process the idea that treating women as sexual objects obsessed with shopping is still a form of sexism if not the definition (in addition to with and other factors).

==TL;DR version==

Chris tries to pass off his chauvinism as pseudo-feminism and will never get laid.

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{CWC-isms}}
{{Chris and}}
[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Mailbag/References

2011-01-14T01:51:21Z

John Ritter's Nutsack: /* The list */

The [[Trolls|fans]] of [[Christian Weston Chandler]] love to mail Chris using the names of famous individuals, both real and fictional. Chris only seems to realize that he's heard of these people before if they repeatedly mention who they are and what they've done in the body of their letter. For example, Chris noticed and called out Eddie Berganza and Stephen king because they repeatedly mentioned who they were and specifically what they did in their lives. Likewise, Chris failed to notice people like Trent Reznor and Leonardo Da Vinci because the letters did not repeatedly reinforce that they were written by someone important.

==The list==
'''[[Mailbag 1]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Leonardo da Vinci|Leonardo DaVinci]]: Painter, inventor, super genius.

'''[[Mailbag 2]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Family Matters|Laura Winslow]]: The daughter from the TV series ''Family Matters''.
*[[Wikipedia:Rocky IV|Ivan Drago]]: Rocky's opponent from ''Rocky IV''.

'''[[Mailbag 3]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Manuel Noriega|Manuel Noriega]]: Deposed dictatorial leader of Panama.
*While no names are mentioned, one letter speaks of a boy who dropped out of school at 16, was a terrible painter, and had started making political moves with an extreme ideology, essentially a quick summary of [[Wikipedia:Adolf Hitler|Adolf Hitler's]] early years.

'''[[Mailbag 4]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Todd Phillips|Todd Phillips]]: Filmmaker.
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Rocky IV|Ivan Drago]].
*[[Wikipedia:Lucifer|Samael Morningstar]]: The devil.
*[[Wikipedia:Joseph Stalin|Joseph Stalin]]: Former dictatorial ruler of the Soviet Union.
*[[Wikipedia:Gabe Newell|Gabe Newell]]: Co-founder of game development company Valve.

'''[[Mailbag 5]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:List of Kanto Gym Leaders#Lt. Surge|Lieutenant Surge]]: One of the Gym Leaders in [[Pokemon]].
*[[Wikipedia:General_Von_Klinkerhoffen|Erich Von Klinkerhoffen]]: Nazi from the sitcom ''Allo 'Allo!''

'''[[Mailbag 6]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Levi_Johnston|Levi Johnston]]: The guy who knocked up Sarah Palin's daughter.
*[[Wikipedia:Kim Jong-un|Kim Jong Un]]: Third son of Kim Jong-Il, the psychopathic manchild running North Korea.
*[[Wikipedia:John Wayne Gacy|John Gacy]]: Serial murderer known as the "Killer Clown".

'''[[Mailbag 7]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Jeffrey Dahmer|Jeffrey Dahmer]]: [[Homos|Gay]] serial murderer who liked to eat people.
*[[Wikipedia:Starship Troopers|Sergeant Charles Zim]]: A character from ''Starship Troopers'', played by Clancy Brown in the movie.
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Levi_Johnston|Levi Johnston]].

'''[[Mailbag 8]]'''
*Linetrap. But she doesn't really count.

'''[[Mailbag 9]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:The Big Lebowski|Walter Sobchak]]: John Goodman's character in the movie ''The Big Lebowski''.
*[[Wikipedia:Horst Wessel|Horst Wessel]]: Slain activist made into an icon of the Nazi Party.
*[[Wikipedia:Trent Reznor|Trent Reznor]]: Nine Inch Nails frontman.
*[[Wikipedia:Mahmoud Ahmadinejad|Mahmoud Ahmadinejad]]: Current president of Iran.

'''[[Mailbag 10]]'''
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Mahmoud Ahmadinejad|Mahmoud Ahmadinejad]].

'''[[Mailbag 11]]'''
*[[wikipedia:Paul Bernardo|Paul Bernardo]]: Serial killer and rapist.
*[[wikipedia:There_Will_Be_Blood|Daniel Plainview]]: Daniel Day-Lewis' character in the movie ''There Will Be Blood''.
*[[Wikipedia:Joseph Joestar|Joseph Joestar]]: The second-generation hero from the manga ''JoJo's Bizarre Adventure''.

'''[[Mailbag 12]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Besarion Jughashvili|Besarion Jughashvili]]: Joseph Stalin's father.
*Another repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Levi Johnston|Levi Johnston]].

'''[[Mailbag 13]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Charles Darwin|Charles Darwin]]: Scientist best known for first postulating the Theory of Evolution.
*[[Wikipedia:The Man Who Was Thursday|Gabriel Syme]]: Main character of the Christian allegory ''The Man Who Was Thursday''.
*[[Wikipedia:Rod Blagojevich|Rod Blagojevich]]: Disgraced former governor of Illinois.
*[[Wikipedia:Walter Breuning|Walter Breuning]]: Guy who's really, really old.
*[[Wikipedia:Oedipus Rex|Oedipus Rex]]: Main character of the play by Sophocles of the same name.
*[[wikipedia:Jokela school shooting|Erik Pikkuvikainen]]: Spliced-around version of Pekka-Eric Auvinen, the kid responsible for the Jokela school shooting.
*[[Wikipedia:Albert Speer|Albert Speer]]: German architect and minister in Hitler's government. Email address "domebuilder" refers to [[wikipedia:Volkshalle|a famously disproportionate design]].

'''[[Mailbag 14]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Joseph Jackson (manager)|Joseph Jackson]]: Michael Jackson's father.
*[[Wikipedia:Charles Whitman|Charles Whitman]]: Clock tower sniper.
*[[Wikipedia:Paul McCartney|Paul McCartney]]: International rock star and former member of The Beatles.
*[[Wikipedia:Gloria Steinem|Gloria Steinem]]: Feminist activist.
*[[Wikipedia:Elton John|Elton John]]: International rock star. Wrote under his birth name: Reginald Dwight.
*[[Wikipedia:Eddie Berganza|Eddie Berganza]]: Comic artist.

'''[[Mailbag 15]]'''
*[[wikipedia:Norio Wakamoto|Norio Wakamoto]]: Japanese voice actor.
*[[wikipedia:Alfred_Jarry|Alfred Jarry]]: French absurdist author and playwright.

'''[[Mailbag 16]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Ron Jeremy|Ron Jeremy]]: Porn star.
*[[Wikipedia:Rembrandt_Brown|Rembrandt Brown]]: Fictional singer from the TV show ''Sliders''. His e-mail address, "Crying Man," refers to his nickname within the show.

'''[[Mailbag 17]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Johnny Winter|Johnny Winter]]: Blues singer.
*[[Wikipedia:Rob_Schneider|Robert Schneider]]: American film actor.

'''[[Mailbag 18]]'''
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Joseph Jackson (manager)|Joseph Jackson]].
*[[Wikipedia:Ed Gein|Edward Gein]]: Insane murderer and grave robber, inspired ''The Texas Chainsaw Massacre'' and ''Psycho''.
*[[Wikipedia:The Screwtape Letters|Wormwood]]: Apprentice demon from C.S. Lewis's novel ''The Screwtape Letters''. Screwtape himself, Wormwood's uncle and mentor, is mentioned, referred to as "Mr. Tape".
*[[Wikipedia:Castlevania|Maria Renard]]: A character in several ''Castlevania'' games.

'''[[Mailbag 19]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Marilyn vos Savant|Marilyn vos Savant]]: Smartest person in the world.
*[[Wikipedia:Light Yagami|Light Yagami]]: Mass-murdering main character of ''Death Note''. His name is written weeaboo style as "Yagami Raito".
*[[Wikipedia:Black_Dynamite|Fiendish Dr. Wu]]: Antagonist and kung fu master from ''Black Dynamite''.

'''[[Mailbag 20]]'''
*While not written by any specific character, a direct reference to [[Wikipedia:Strong Bad|Strong Bad]].
*[[Wikipedia:Cory_Matthews|Corey Matthews]]: Main character of ''Boy Meets World''.
*[[Wikipedia:Bruce Lee|Bruce Lee]]: Martial artist and actor, written under his Chinese name "Lee Jun Fan".

'''[[Mailbag 21]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Margaret Mead|Margaret Mead]]: Christian anthropologist and writer.
*[[Wikipedia:Jesus Christ|Jesus Christ]]: The Christian Messiah.
*[[Wikipedia:Colin Baker|Colin Baker]]: English actor who portrayed the 6th incarnation of [[wikipedia:Doctor Who|The Doctor.]]

'''[[Mailbag 22]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Tom Jones (singer)|Tom Jones]]: Popular Welsh lounge singer. Also the protagonist of Henry Fielding's novel ''[[wikipedia:The_History_of_Tom_Jones,_a_Foundling|The History of Tom Jones, a Foundling]]'', from whom the singer takes his stage name.

'''[[Mailbag 23]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Adolf Meyer (psychiatrist)|Adolf Meyer]]: Psychologist and former president of the American Psychiatric Association.
*[[Wikipedia:Monkey Island (series)|Guybrush Threepwood]]: Protagonist of the ''Monkey Island'' adventure game series.
*[[Wikipedia:The Fountainhead|Howard Roark]]: Main character of the Ayn Rand novel ''The Fountainhead''.
*[[Wikipedia:List of characters in the Pokémon anime series#Rivals|Gary Oak]]: Ash's rival from the ''Pokemon'' series.
*[[Wikipedia:Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold|Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold]]: Columbine school shooters. The letter was not purported to be written by them specifically, but contained their pictures, and was written by someone claiming to be their teacher.
*[[Wikipedia:Morrissey|Steven Patrick Morrissey]]: Singer, former member of The Smiths.
*[[Wikipedia:Mega Man (original series)|Thomas Light]]: Inventor of ''Mega Man'', from the video game series of the same name.

'''[[Mailbag 24]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Lizzie_Borden|Liz Borden]]: Boston woman famously accused of murdering her parents, but never convicted.
*[[wikipedia:Pretty_Woman|Vivian Ward]]: Main character of the movie ''Pretty Woman''.
*[[Wikipedia:Sayonara,_Zetsubou-Sensei|Zetsubou-sensei]]: Main character of the manga ''Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei''.
*[[Wikipedia:Wolverine_(comics)|Wolverine]]: Marvel Comics superhero, written under his real name "Logan".
*[[Wikipedia:Magneto_(comics)|Magneto]]: Marvel Comics supervillain, written under the name "Max Eisenhardt".

'''[[Mailbag 25]]'''
*Linetrap again.

'''[[Mailbag 26]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Aliens (film)|Trevor Wierzbowski]]: Minor character from the movie ''Aliens''.
*[[Wikipedia:Stephen King|Stephen King]]: Famed horror author. Chris actually noticed this one, probably because the writer of the letter was too blatant.
*[[Wikipedia:Chris Brown (entertainer)|Christopher Brown]]: R&B singer. His letter is written about his girlfriend [[Wikipedia:Rihanna|Rihanna]], and how he beat the hell out of her.

'''[[Mailbag 27]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Ted Kennedy|Ted Kennedy]]: Politician, recently deceased. Wrote about [[Wikipedia:Mary Jo Kopechne|Mary Jo Kopechne]], the girl who died next to him in the infamous Chappaquiddick car accident.
*[[Wikipedia:John Calvin|John Calvin]]: Christian philosopher whose ideas about predestination have shaped much of Protestantism.
*[[Wikipedia:Jack Harkness|Jack Harkness]]: Character from ''Doctor Who'' and its spinoff, ''Torchwood'' (referred to by the email handle)
*[[Wikipedia:Randal Graves|Randal Graves]]: Character from Kevin Smith's movies.
*[[Wikipedia:David Vanian|David Vanian]]: Lead singer for the punk rock band The Damned.
*And Linetrap again.

'''[[Mailbag 28]]'''
*Linetrap

'''[[Mailbag 29]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Variations_of_green#Feldgrau|Herr Feldgrau]]: This enthusiastically racist correspondent is named after the color of German army uniforms during World War II: "feldgrau" is German for "field gray."
*Reprint of [[Wikipedia:Eddie Berganza|Eddie Berganza]]'s letter. While it's likely Chris has no idea who this is, he called him out on his identity, probably because the letter made a very big deal out of his career.

'''[[Mailbag 30]]'''
*[[Family Guy|Meg Griffin]]: Character from Family Guy. Chris noticed and played along as the author was playing up his proposed ''Family Guy'' script.
*[[Wikipedia:Jim Lee|Jim Lee]]: Comic artist.
*[[Wikipedia:Stan (song)|Stan]]: Character from the [[Wikipedia:Eminem|Eminem]] song of the same name. Text of the letter was the first verse of said song, altered to apply to Chris.

'''[[Mailbag 31]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Michael Jackson|Michael Jackson]]: Dead singer, allegedly molested children.
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Stephen King|Stephen King]]. Chris either refused to respond or forgot.
*[[Wikipedia:Final Fantasy VII|Rufus Shinra]]: Character from the video game ''Final Fantasy VII''.

'''[[Mailbag 32]]'''
*While not using any character's name, one author's name and e-mail address were a reference to the Dethtroll episode of [[Wikipedia:Metalocalypse|Metalocalypse]].
*[[Wikipedia:H. P. Lovecraft|H. P. Lovecraft]]: Author, creator of the cosmic horror genre of literature.
*[[Wikipedia:Jane Austen|Jane Austen]]: Author of ''Pride and Prejudice'' and other romantic novels. Humorously, Chris accused her of being uncreative.

'''[[Mailbag 33]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Edward R. Burke|Ed Burke]]: American politician. Might also refer to the British political philosopher [[Wikipedia:Edmund Burke|Edmund Burke]].

'''[[Mailbag 34]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Ezra Pound|Ezra Pound]]: Poet. Oddly, the e-mail address given referenced Shakespeare's play [[Wikipedia:The Merchant of Venice|The Merchant of Venice]], which has a [[Michael Snyder|scary Jewish man]] as the villain.
*[[Wikipedia:Snatcher|Gillian Seed]]: Main character of the video game ''Snatcher''.
*[[Wikipedia:Baby-sitters club#Mary Anne Spier|Mary Anne Spier]]: Character from ''The Baby-Sitters Club'', a series of novels for young girls.

'''[[Mailbag 35]]'''
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Michael Jackson|Michael Jackson]].
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Snatcher|Gillian Seed]].
*[[Wikipedia:Josef Mengele|Josef Mengele]]: Nazi war criminal, famous for his inhumane medical experiments.
*[[Wikipedia:Fred West|Fred West]]: English serial killer and rapist.

'''[[Mailbag 36]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Kevin Mitnick|Kevin Mitnick]]: Renowned '80s computer hacker.
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Ron Jeremy|Ron Jeremy]], this time claiming to be a clergyman.

'''[[Mailbag 37]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Gary Larson|Gary Larson]]: Creator of ''The Far Side'' cartoons.

'''[[Mailbag 38]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Freddie Mercury|Freddie Mercury]]: Lead singer of the band Queen. Written under his Persian birth name Farrokh Bulsara.
*[[Wikipedia:Toby Klein|"Mr. Insanity" Toby Klein]]: American professional wrestler, although it wouldn't be a surprise if the real Toby Klein wrote this in.

'''[[Mailbag 39]]'''
*Another repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Michael Jackson|Michael Jackson]].
*[[Wikipedia:Gendo Ikari|Gendo Ikari]]: Character from the anime series ''Neon Genesis Evangelion''.
*[[Wikipedia:Chang Yu-sheng|Chang Yu-sheng]]: Late Chinese vocalist.
*[[Wikipedia:Puyo Puyo|Arle Nadja]]: Protagonist of the ''Puyo Puyo'' video games.
*[[Wikipedia:Vidkun Quisling|Vidkun Quisling]]: Norwegian politician, attempted to seize power during WWII and was subsequently executed for treason.
*[[Wikipedia:Quincy Magoo|Mr. Magoo]]: Legally blind cartoon character.

'''[[Mailbag 40]]'''
*[[Blake]]: Black Sonichu. Not "famous", but Chris completely missed it anyways.
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Ron Jeremy|Ron Jeremy]].

'''[[Mailbag 41]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Milton Bradley|Milton Bradley]]: Board game pioneer.
*[[Wikipedia:William McKinley|William McKinley]]: 25th president of the United States.
*[[Wikipedia:Neil Gaiman|Neil Gaiman]]: Novelist and author of the ''Sandman'' comic book series.
*[[Wikipedia:Kathryn Janeway|Kathryn Janeway]]: Character from the TV series ''Star Trek: Voyager''.

'''[[Mailbag 42]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Augustus Hill|Augustus Hill]]: Character from the TV series ''Oz''.
*[[Wikipedia:Jaz Hoyt|Jazz Hoyt]]: Another character from ''Oz''.
*[[Wikipedia:Snatcher|Randam Hajile]]: Character from the video game ''Snatcher''.
*[[Wikipedia:John Williams|John Williams]]: Composer of film soundtracks.
*[[Wikipedia:Fight Club#Robert "Bob" Paulson|Robert Paulson]]: Character from the movie ''Fight Club''. The only reference to his full name was in his e-mail address.
*[[Wikipedia:Tomás de Torquemada|Tomás de Torquemada]]: Leader of the Spanish Inquisition. Written under the name "Thomas Torquemada".
*[[Wikipedia:Kareem Saïd|Kareem Saïd]]: Yet another character from ''Oz''. Written under the name "Kareem Siad".

'''[[Mailbag 43]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Masaki Sumitani|Masaki Sumitani]]: Japanese comedian and actor. Most famous for his character [[Homos|Hard Gay]].
*[[Wikipedia:List of recurring Monty Python's Flying Circus characters|Ken Shabby]]: Recurring character from [[Monty Python]]'s Flying Circus.
*[[Wikipedia:R. Dorothy Wayneright|R. Dorothy Wayneright]]: Android girl from the anime series ''Big O''.
*[[Wikipedia:G.K. Chesterton|G.K. Chesterton]]: English Catholic apologist and author.

'''[[Mailbag 44]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Max Cady|Max Cady]]:Character from the novel ''The Executioners'', adapted for the movies as ''Cape Fear''.
*[[Wikipedia:Trevor McFur in the Crescent Galaxy|Trevor McFur]]: Furry from ''Trevor McFur in the Crescent Galaxy'', a launch game for the Atari Jaguar game console.
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Snatcher|Randam Hajile]].

'''[[Mailbag 45]]'''
*[[Duck|Mike Hawke]]: Dick joke commonly used in prank calls.
*Another appearance from [[Wikipedia:Michael Jackson|Mike Jackson]], whose life is rapidly deteriorating.
*[[Wikipedia:Manfred Eicher|Manfred Eicher]]: German record producer.
*[[Wikipedia:Gil Gerard|Gil Gerard]]: Actor, most famously known for playing Buck Rogers.
*[[Wikipedia:Adam Savage|Adam Savage]]: Co-host of ''Mythbusters''. Chris likely noticed, as the e-mail made a big deal out of him being from Mythbusters, and then sent him a picture of a man's asshole.

'''[[Mailbag 46]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Kevin Peter Hall|Kevin Peter Hall]]: Actor, the man in the alien suit in the first two ''Predator'' films.
*[[Wikipedia:Tom Green|Tom Green]]: Either a terrible comedian or an avant-garde genius, depending on whom you ask.

'''[[Mailbag 47]]'''
*While not a direct reference, one e-mail address referenced "[[Wikipedia:Rocket to Russia|Teenage Lobotomy]]" a song by [[Wikipedia:The Ramones|The Ramones]].
*[[Wikipedia:Valentina Tereshkova|Valentina Tereshkova]]: Russian astronaut and the first woman in space.
*[[Wikipedia:Tom Vilsack|Tom Vilsack]]: Current U.S. Secretary of Agriculture.

'''[[Mailbag 48]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Jeff_Gerstmann|Jeff Gerstmann]]: Video game journalist, notorious for his firing from GameSpot.
*[[Wikipedia:Michael Jackson|Mike Jackson]] returns, all bummed out that Chris broke his promise.
*[[Wikipedia:The Proposition|Morris Stanley]]: Ray Winstone's character in the [[PandaHalo|Aussie]] Western film ''The Proposition''. Unlike in the film, the proposition made in the email revolved around Chris's petty rivalry with ''[[Asperchu]]'', since Chris would have little interest in saving [[Cole Smithey|his brother]] from being hanged.
*[[Wikipedia:Billy Herrington|Billy Herrington]]: Bisexual porn star, the inspiration for many strange memes among Japanese nerds. His e-mail handle, "Bro Aniki," is a reference to the [[Wikipedia: Cho Aniki|Cho Aniki]] video game series, which is rife with homosexual innuendo.

'''[[Mailbag 49]]'''
*One letter combined the names of [[Wikipedia:Bart Simpson|Bart Simpson]] of The Simpsons and [[Wikipedia:Brock Samson|Brock Samson]] of the Venture Brothers. Probably the second time Chris [[Father Call|failed to recognize Brock]].
*[[Wikipedia:Fist of the Blue Sky|Kenshiro Kasumi]]: Main character of the manga series ''Fist of the Blue Sky''.

'''[[Mailbag 50]]'''
*Nothing. No actual e-mails either, because Chris copypasta'd a bunch of sarcastic forum posts that pretended to kiss his ass and took them all at face value.

'''[[Mailbag 51]]'''
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Gil Gerard|Gil Gerard]].
*[[Wikipedia:The Notorious B.I.G.|The Notorious B.I.G.]]: Deceased rapper, written under his nickname "Biggie".
*[[Wikipedia:Scott Bernard|Scott Bernard]]: Character from the cartoon series ''Robotech''.
*While it did not refer to any single character, one name and e-mail address was a direct reference to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZZUMjoxfZA mahvel baybee].

'''[[Mailbag 52]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Lisa Marie Presley|Lisa Marie Presley]]: As "Marie Jackson" revealing the tragic ending of the [[Wikipedia:Michael Jackson|Mike Jackson]] saga. In a bizarre inversion, Chris assumes the letter is about the real Michael Jackson, and ignores it.

'''[[Mailbag 53]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Christopher Doyle|Chris Doyle]]: Award-winning Australian cinematographer.
*[[Wikipedia:Jack Marsh|Jack Marsh]]: Renowned Australian cricketer.
*[[Wikipedia:Dr._Tran|Dr. Tran]]: Star of an old YouTube meme.
*[[Wikipedia:Robert_William_Fisher|Robert Fisher]]: Possibly referring to the FBI most-wanted fugitive who murdered his family in 2001.
*[[Wikipedia:Frank Burns|Frank Burns]]: A character from the movie and TV series ''M*A*S*H''.

'''[[Mailbag 54]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:David_Wright_(baseball)|David Wright]]: New York Mets All-Star third baseman.
*[[Wikipedia:I Am Legend|Robert Neville]]: Hero of the novel and film ''I Am Legend''. Has been played by Charlton Heston, Vincent Price, and Will Smith.
*[[Wikipedia:Michael Steele|Michael Steele]]: Chairman of the Republican National Committee (openly identified as such).
*Repeat appearance by [[Wikipedia:Neon Genesis Evangelion|Gendo Ikari]], now using the e-mail handle "It's Gendo" (in reference to a fan-parody video).

'''[[Mailbag 55]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Anna Malle|Anna Malle]]: Deceased pornographic film actress.
*[[Wikipedia:Dale_Gribble#Rusty_Shackleford|Rusty Shackleford]]: Alias used by the character Dale Gribble from the TV cartoon ''King of the Hill''.
*[[Wikipedia:Charles Aznavour|Charles Aznavour]]: French singer and songwriter, namesake of the anime character Char Aznable.
*[[Wikipedia:Harry Patridge|Harry Partridge]]: Beloved internet animator. The thing is, it's probably the real Harry.
*[[Wikipedia:John Shaft|John Shaft]]: Hero of several 1970s blaxploitation movies.
*Repeat appearances by [[Wikipedia:I Am Legend|Robert Neville]] and [[Wikipedia:Dr._Tran|Dr. Tran]]. Leeland (Tran's best friend) also sends an email.

'''[[Mailbag 56]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Mystery_Science_Theater_3000|Crow Servo]]: Amalgam of the characters Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo from the TV series ''Mystery Science Theater 3000''.
*Another e-mail in the [[Wikipedia:Michael Jackson|Mike Jackson]] saga, this time allegedly from his son.
*Repeat appearances by [[Wikipedia:I Am Legend|Robert Neville]] and [[Wikipedia:Dr._Tran|Dr. Tran]].

'''[[Mailbag 57]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Fyodor Dostoyevsky|Fyodor Dostoyevsky]]: Russian novelist.
*[[Wikipedia:Planeteer|Ma-Ti]]: Character from '90s TV cartoon ''Captain Planet and the Planeteers''.

'''[[Mailbag 58]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Reimu Hakurei|Reimu Hakurei]]: One of the main characters from the [[Wikipedia:Touhou|Touhou]] series of games. The e-mail handle 'diochromatic.butterfly' is a reference to one of her theme songs.
*[[Wikipedia:Takato Matsuda|Takato Matsuda]]: One of the main characters from [[Wikipedia:Digimon Tamers|Digimon Tamers]], known in America as Digimon Season 3.
*[[Wikipedia:Wilhelm II, German Emperor|Kaiser Wilhelm]]: Leader of Germany until its defeat in World War I.
*[[Wikipedia:Sam_the_eagle|Sam Eagle]]: A recurring character from ''The Muppet Show''.
*[[Wikipedia:Frank_Miller_(comics)|Frank Miller]]: American comic artist, creator of ''Sin City''.
*[[Wikipedia:List_of_recurring_Metal_Gear_characters#Hal_Emmerich|Hal Emmerich]]: Hacker/researcher from the [[Metal Gear Solid]] series of videogames. The e-mail address refers to "Konota" [''sic''] from [[Wikipedia:Lucky Star (manga)|Lucky Star]].
*[[Wikipedia:David Hubbard|David Hubbard]]: Long-deceased senator from Alabama.

'''[[Mailbag 59]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Paul Hogan|Paul Hogan]]: Australian actor, star of the ''Crocodile Dundee'' films.

'''[[Mailbag 60]]'''
*[[Wikipedia:Terry Bogard|Terry Bogard]]: Hero of the ''Fatal Fury'' video games, who writes using his full name Terrence Bogard. Perhaps coincidentally, another correspondent the the same mailbag uses the nickname "Big Bear," which was also the name of a minor character from ''Fatal Fury 2''.
[[Category:Fan]]

Jerkop

2011-01-04T20:00:35Z

John Ritter's Nutsack: /* Creation of a Jerkop */

{{quote|[[Mary Lee Walsh|That *&^%$]] SHATTERED MY HEART AND MURDERED MY SOUL. And it wasn't just her, the Policemen Imposters in Brown, White and Red, AKA The Jerkops (Blue and Black ARE the TRUE POLICE SOLDIERS) also seriously indented the impression that "[[Virgina is for Virgins]], NOT Lovers".}}

[[Image:146-Jerkop.jpg|thumb|A REAL AMERICAN HERO]]
A '''Jerkop''' is either a '''mall security guard''' or an "evil" '''police officer'''. The word itself is a portmanteau of "[[JERKS|JERK]]" and "cop." Female Jerkops are sometimes called '''Janekops'''.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Private_villa_of_corrupted_citizens#Jerkops.2C_Janekops.2C_ATTACK.21]</ref>

In the [[comic]]s, Jerkops are agents of [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. They are not seen much outside of the [[Sub-Episodes]].

==Appearance==
[[Image:Jerkops2004.jpg|thumb|left|Standard Jerkops watch [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|some shitty recolour]] levitate in a [[2004]] short]]

Jerkops are depicted as even more simplified than the other background characters in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comics]]. Their legs are often held tightly together, as if they move via tiny wheels on the undersides of their feet. They have plain, curved, vase-like white bodies, and appear to be robotic, possibly being mass-produced.

According to the [[CWCipedia]], there are three types of Jerkops. The basic ones are the usual white-shirted ones, mostly seen in the comics. A higher-up level version are ones donning red uniforms. The final level are the brown-uniformed ones, who are either [[Jerkhief]]s or a Jerkop [[Excel Saga|Daitenzen]], such as [[Bagget]].{{cite}}
{{clear}}

==Police?==
{{quote|And so, I urge you the citizens of CWCville to remember, with the police, only black and blue are true; all other colors are VICE!|Chris displays his irrational hatred of the Vice Squad, [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]], page 28}}

[[Image:ECP_00025.jpg|thumb|left|Fuck da police!]]
[[File:IwouldntfeelcomfortableMySpace.jpg|thumb|"Police-Women" on Chris's [[dating]] blacklist]]

While a common misconception is that [[Chris]] is essentially delivering a verbose "Fuck tha Police", he clarifies in [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu ''#5]] that [[Niggos|brown]] (mall security) is wrong, and the standard black and blue (police officer) are [[Fail|TRUE and HONEST]]. However, because [[Bagget|Marcus Baggett]], a real police officer, arrested Chris (for completely legitimate reasons), he is suddenly not a TRUE and HONEST police officer. So, according to Chris, cops are only okay if they wear blue and black AND don't try to arrest him for breaking the [[law]].

Of note, police in [[CWCville]] have never appeared in the fight against [[Mary Lee Walsh]] or the Jerkops, with the exception of ''Sonichu'' #5 (where Chris orders them away almost instantly).{{clear}}

==Equipment==

{{quote|MY WOODEN BADGE WAS DELICIOUS|[[Jerkhief]], on his appetizer at [[Country Cookin]]}}

[[Image:Freudiangun.jpg|right|thumb|A pistol cleverly disguised as a [[penis|duck]].]]

Jerkops, in order to cockblock everyone, are equipped with faux badges, evidently made of crackers, [[Semen|glitter glue]], and treebark. What purpose these serve is unknown, as [[Chris|no one]] would be so [[Autistic|retarded]] to fall for such a shoddy disguise.

In terms of weaponry, most Jerkops carry an out-of-date breadstick, aka "a nightstick," pulled from nowhere, and one was carrying handcuffs in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]]. The [[Jerkhief]] carries a metal slingshot, aka "a handgun," and sometimes wears a metal suit. The most heavily armed Jerkop is the [[W-M-Manajerk]], utilizing a [[Anime|giant shell of robotic armor]] along with a golden axe.
{{clear}}

==Weaknesses==
[[Image:Cwckicktothenads.JPG|center|thumb|300px|This is how Chris deals with people who tell him to GTFO]]
As demonstrated above, the best way to reduce those who prevent you from violating the law to a quivering pile of jelly is [[CWC Fighter|a good kick]] in the balls, or as Chris calls it, the "Sourdough region." The lowest levels of Jerkop require only a single kick to this region, while higher-level Jerkops such as the [[Jerkhief]] may require as many as five kicks, because their fat absorbs the impact.

==Creation of a Jerkop==

According to the CWCipedia, Jerkops are normal men and women who ended up attending [[Mary Lee Walsh|Slaweel Yram]]'s school, known as "Prowldent Virginia Community College," unknowingly. Upon entering the school for the first day, they are infected with "brainwashing powder" that subconsciously affects them. They can live normal lives, but once Slaweel has need for them, she'll activate the brainwashing to send them out to cockblock Chris.

In [[Sonichu 4#Sub-Episode 6: "Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari"|earlier documentation]], Chris made clear that the Jerkop brainwashing only worked on "[[slow-in-the-minds]]", and others of [[Christian Weston Chandler|lesser intelligence]]. It wasn't until [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] where any mention was made of the idea of un-brainwashing the Jerkops, and even then Chris makes clear that his Electric Hedgehogs have managed to actually [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|''kill'']] several of the completely innocent retards in their fights.

Whatever the previous method of un-brainwashing the Jerkops that Sonichu and company manage not to outright murder, it becomes a moot point in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], when [[Ultra Sonichu]] uses his [[GodJesus|nigh-omnipotence]] to supposedly cure all Jerkops everywhere forever.

==Appearances in comic==
*[[Sonichu_0#Sub-Episode_1:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22Jerkop-tastropie.22|Sonichu 0 Sub-Episode 1:Christian Chandler in "Jerkop-Tastrophe"]]
*[[Sonichu_4#Sub-Episode_6:_.22Christian_Chandler.27s_Backyard_Safari.22|Sonichu 4 Sub Episode 6: Christian Chandler's Backyard Safari]]
*[[Sonichu_4#Sub-Episode_7:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22Off-Target.22|Sonichu 4 Sub-Episode 7: Off-Target]]
*[[Sonichu_4#Sub-Episode_8:_Christian_Chandler_in_.22Off-Target_part_2.22|Sonichu 4 Sub-Episode 8: Off-Target part 2]]

==Notable Jerkops==
*[[Jerkhief]]
*[[Bagget]]
*[[Punislav]]
*[[Officer Keino]]
*[[Officer Nasty]]

==References==
<references/>

==See also==
{{Fan art|chris=Jerkops|linkname=Jerkops}}
*[[List of Sonichu characters#Janekops|Janekops]]
*[[Manajerks]]
*[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]
*[[Chris and the Law]]

{{Sonichu}}
[[Category: Villains]]

2012

2011-01-03T00:34:56Z

John Ritter's Nutsack:

Things <s>planned</s> that will happen in '''2012''':

[[Image:FutureChris.jpg|thumb|[[Chris]] in 2012]]
[[Image:The toppling of Christian.jpg|thumb|'''February 24:''' Two years after the proclamation of [[Christian Love Day]], the citizens of [[CWCville]] revolt against their tyrant, undoing all the damage done in his "crusade of [[Honest Content|honesty]]"]]
[[Image:Sonichuspore1.png|thumb|"ALL Sonichus are [[Homos|STRAIGHT]]!"]]
* '''SPOILER ALERT:''' Chris still [[virgin with rage|won't have a girlfriend]]
*[[Scampers Chandler|Scampers]] runs away. ''(go go Scampers! :3)''
*[[Bob Chandler]] finally kicks the bucket. He then goes on to successfully [[Bob Walks In|cut down the]] [[Internet]] in Heaven.
*''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' & ''[[Sonichu (game)|Sonichu the Game]]'' are released as [[Hex Bawx|Kinect]] exclusive titles, earning Chris millions and mad [[lie|poon]], but at the compromise of his beliefs. Chris later sues Microsoft to cease publication of his game and port it to [[Wii]] and [[PS3]]. He loses the lawsuit and is ordered to repay all of the revenue he made from his games.
*Hasbro, in cooperation with [[The Miscreants]], releases a board game based off CWC's life, dubbed "[[Kick the Autistic]]" which quickly becomes America's favorite game.
*Having made millions of dollars from their famous game, [[Clyde Cash]] is able to bring his organization back into the public. He then enlists the help of [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[User:Cogsdev|Webmaster Cogsdev]] to construct a network of proxy A.I.s to run all future organized trolling from then on out. Clyde is then allowed to retire in peace, knowing [[Ryan Cash|his brother's]] will had been carried on...
*With her cat and husband gone and her son a total failure, [[Barbara Chandler]] attempts suicide, but due to her extreme size she is unable to kill herself and she expires in a mound of fecal matter.
*Chris goes to the [[Charlottesville]] [[Mal-Wart]] armed with an [[IBA Chandler]] sniper rifle. In a fit of tard [[rage]], he fires at several [[manager]]s and [[boyfriend-free girl|girlfriend un-free boys]], missing every time.
*Chris is sentenced to six months house arrest for his failed rampage. He starts storming [[YouTube]] with meaningless [[PSEye]] videos again and tries to convince women to come to his house.
*Chris is released from house arrest, and soon proceeds to run over two people with [[Son-Chu]] while pretending his car is a <s>[[Transformers|Transformer]]</s> [[Metal Gear|walking battle tank]].
*For his crime, Chris is sentenced to two years in prison. He struggles to STAY STRAIGHT, but is raped by [[niggos]] daily.
*Chris is let off after one month for good behavior, and is instead sentenced to house arrest, yet again...
*Virginian [[police]] discover the corpse of a [[Zapina|14-year-old girl]] who had been [[rape]]d several miles from [[14 Branchland Court]]. Numerous signs of trauma to her [[vagina]], traces of [[semen]] and [[Fanta]] are found on the corpse, and [[Medallion|pieces of Crayola model magic]] are found [[Julie Reveals Herself|shoved up her anus]]. However, the chemicals in the Fanta completely destroyed any DNA, hindering the investigation. Decorated officer [[Bagget|Marcus Baggett]] is put in charge of the investigation, and personally swears to bring the perpetrator to justice.
*Chris kidnaps, rapes and murders nearly every single one of his past [[gal pal]]s and then attempts to create the "[[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]" by stitching together their various body parts and tries to reanimate them using the Anchuent powers of his [[Amnyfest Ring]], the [[Heart Torch of Fail]], and his [[PS3]]. None of the methods work.
*Chris proceeds to instead stick the Heart Torch of Fail up his ass and creates Crystal, who later dies 5 seconds after seeing her father. Chris then rapes her corpse.
*After removing said object from his ass, he finds out at least 15 [[Pixelblocks]] are trapped in his ass. He is hospitalized for a week.
*[[Patti-Chan]] is resurrected by Maya shamans in preparation of the 13th baktun: the end has begun.
*Chris's carelessness after the kidnapping spree finally gives the Virginian state police the evidence to go after him. After a lengthy car chase in Son-Chu down the interstate, the police finally corner him at a [[McDonald's]], forcing Chris to make a last stand. As Chris steps out of the car, brandishing a vintage [[Megatron Pistol|WWII German pistol]], Officer Bagget orders Chris to put the gun down. Chris replies "[[random-access humor|Down where? All that's down there is the ground]]" and starts charging a [[curse ye ha me ha]] attack. Police are forced to open fire. Footage of Chris being gunned down is broadcast live across the country, resulting in Bagget's promotion to police commissioner.
*Barbara's corpse is discovered during a search on their house, half-eaten by [[Kitty]] and a zombie-esque Patti.
*Chris, lying in the hospital and dying of his wounds, feels shame for the first time in his life, causing him to collapse into a singularity of self-loathing.
*The CWC Saga is declared over, and heroic [[trolls]] everywhere retire in peace to live happy successful lives. The [[CWCki]] is left up as a monument to Christian's [[fail]].
*Chris's body is sent off to NASA, who after extensive research discover that Chris' rectum contained an environment so volatile that it spawned the first recorded traces of [[PS3|Silicon-Based Life.]]
*''Chris-Chan: An Autistic Odyssey'' is picked up by Warner Bros and quickly becomes the most popular horror film of all time (starring Philip Seymour Hoffman as Chris, Clint Eastwood as Bob, Kathy Bates as Barbara, Ulliel Gaspard as [[Liquid]], Emma Watson as [[Kacey]], Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino as [[Clyde Cash]], Ken Leung as [[Mao]], Rebecca Hall as [[Vivian Gee]], Jason Scott Lee as [[Surfshack Tito]], Ashley Tisdale as [[Sarah Hammer]], Ellen Page as [[Megan]], Samuel L. Jackson as [[Jerkhief]], Tom Baker as [[Michael Snyder]], Judi Dench as [[Mary Lee Walsh]], Jim Cummings as the voice of a CGI [[Count Graduon]], Lucy Liu as [[Vivian Gee]], Bruce Willis as [[Cole Smithey]] and Jaleel White as the voice of Sonichu and Rosechu). Cole tarnishes the film by giving it the only negative review.
*On December 21st, Patti returns from beyond the grave to feast on the souls of all humanity. In two brief hours, most of the planet is reduced to cinders, and from the ashes of devastation, a new civilization would struggle to arise, but with the aid of [[Clyde Cash]] and the real TRUE and HONEST [[Liquid Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]], a new world order would arise and civilization will enter into a new golden era.
<gallery>
Image:SchuRL.jpg|[[Sonichu]] in 2012.
Image:Rosechu.jpg|[[Rosechu]] in 2012.
Image:Alenci.jpg|[[Angelica Rosechu]] in 2012.
Image:Simonl.jpg|What [[Simonla Rosechu]] could have looked like in 2012.
</gallery>

{{Timeline}}
[[Category:Chronology]]

Chris and the industry

2010-12-09T22:34:31Z

John Ritter's Nutsack: /* Schedule slip */

{{incomplete}}
{{quote|----When Do You Want Nintendo and SEGA to Talk to Me to EVOLVE Sonichu and Rosechu more Realistically?----
NOW!!!|Chris, [[An Important Update|demanding that multi-national corporations take orders from a nobody]]}}

Chris has had numerous '''aspirations to work in creative industries'''. So far, he has expressed his desire to make [[Sonichu (game)|several official ''Sonichu'' video games]], and work on a real [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]] for a real comic publisher. However, [[Chris and his Ego|for reasons best known to himself]], he elects not to find out how these industries actually work, which is quite strange; one would assume that a person seeking a career in the industries would at least take ''some'' effort to find out how the said industries work.

== Publishing ==

In ''[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]'' and [[Chris's resume|Chris's résumé]], it's revealed that Chris is under the impression that his [[art]] isn't just good, but professional quality, and that he aspires to get into the comics and video game business. The résumé reveals his widely varied skills with both pens and crayons and his desire to work as an artist for a professional comic company such as Archie Comics or Marvel, creating his ''Sonichu'' comics. There is no word on whether or not he actually submitted anything to these companies, or if they replied.

Unfortunately for Chris, the publishing industry doesn't work this way, especially not in case of "original" creations. In the case of an original work, the publishers expect complete works to be submitted to them, usually through an agent. An agent's job is to separate the [[Asperchu|wheat]] from the [[Sonichu (comic)|chaff]] and find the correct publisher for the work, taking a small percentage of the eventual profit for their reward. If the publishers take unsolicited submissions, they have to sift through a gigantic backlog (often called "slushpile") of submissions of highly varying quality, most of which end up rejected multiple times before there will be a publisher with right market in mind and the right publication schedule to allow the publication deal to go forward. The whole process can take years in case of a single work.

If comic book publishers have salaried artists, they usually need to have a portfolio of previous work, usually work that has already been published commercially, or (if the comic house is ''particularly'' lenient, and most big names aren't) there has to be evidence of a successfully self-published, high-quality comic. And even in this case, these artists usually only work on characters and plotlines that come from inside the house; it can take time before the artist is in any position to present their own ideas for comics, or use their own original characters. Even if he ''were'' able to stick in a company for a long time, he'd still need to improve his communication skills a lot. If the ''Sonichu Chronicles'' PowerPoint and various phone conversations are of any indication, he's unable to persuade his superiors that his ideas are worth working on.

In short, Chris is deluded if he thinks that any company will just pick him up and tell him to work on ''Sonichu'' comics.

Even ''if'' Chris does get in, there's also the problem with scheduling. Most comics are worked on far in advance, thus allowing for any changes concerning a book, such as plot problems, character availability changes or even cancellations. Even still, many of them maintain a certain schedule, either monthly or bi-monthly (sometimes quarterly). Very rarely do comics go bi-weekly (one every two weeks), though weekly series have been more common (DC Comics, for example, experimented with the weekly format in the [[1980s]] with ''Action Comics Weekly'', which bombed and put the title on hiatus for a few months, returning it to its normal ''[[Wikipedia:Action Comics|Action Comics]]'' title. Twenty years later, DC has churned out a number of weekly series, including ''[[Wikipedia:52 (comics)|52]]'', ''Countdown'' and ''[[Wikipedia:Trinity (comic book)|Trinity]]''.)

Chris, however, has no schedule. His schedule consists of "whenever he has the inspiration" to work. That doesn't cut it. If Chris went with that alone, he would have a release schedule that would rival that of infamous artist [[Wikipedia:Rob Liefeld|Rob Liefeld]]. And where Liefeld, for the most part, could get away with it because he owned his own company at one point (and people have gotten him to actually do the work), if Chris pulled this kind of stunt, he'd be out on the street so fast, his head would spin.

Chris's understanding of [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] is a chapter in itself. Publishers want primarily original works, because securing the necessary rights to publish derivative works is often difficult or impossible. Chris has even [[Mailbag 29#In which Chris is an asshole|resisted attempts to educate him]] in this regard.

== Fan fiction and ideas from the public ==
Chris could approach [[Sega]] and [[Nintendo]] and ask them to make ''Sonichu'' games, comics and merchandise. This plan would also be doomed to failure, because none of the media companies want unsolicited ideas from the public. There are several reasons for this.

First, it takes effort to sift through idea piles and they can't give equal amount of thought on the bazillion ideas fans send them. While the game companies ''do'' listen to their fans, they usually just want to know if the time is ripe for something they've been planning to do. (For example, no doubt a big part of the reason why the newer ''[[Wikipedia:Fire Emblem|Fire Emblem]]'' games got worldwide release was because the fans of Marth and Roy from ''Super Smash Bros. Melee'' were wondering aloud "why the hell isn't Nintendo releasing these games outside of Japan?") They most certainly don't have the capability of starting a whole new game project just because someone asks. If the game companies respond by saying Chris had, as he himself so [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|eloquently put]], "rocks in his head", then you probably don't get a slice of their precious time for making a second impression. Simply put, Chris thinks that even when the companies aren't busy with other projects, they still have time to think of ''his'' grandiose ideas ''and those things only''.

Second, there is an age-old problem in a litigious society: A fan writes to the company and says "I have this cool idea", the company says "thanks, but no thanks", one of the in-house writers comes up with exactly the same idea by accident, and boom, you have a fan who's suing you for idea theft, and even if that lawsuit will usually go nowhere, it wastes perfectly usable time, energy and most of all ''money'' that could be used for more fruitful ventures. A famous example is British novelist [[Wikipedia:Terry Pratchett|Terry Pratchett]], who used to post in his Usenet fan group until one of the fans was convinced Terry had stolen his ideas.

Therefore, most media houses will just say they will not take any ideas from the public. The game industry is not an exception. This fact has been pointed out to Chris a lot of times (and at least twice by real Nintendo representatives, as evidenced by the letters he has read in the Captain's Logs<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 15th, 2008]]</ref><ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009]]</ref>). Unfortunately, Chris misinterpreted all this.

Another thing that Chris disregards is the fact that writing games takes a lot of effort. In Thomas Edison's words, getting things done is "1% inspiration and 99% perspiration." Many good ideas don't get implemented. No one is going to invest energy in developing an idea alone if they don't know if the idea can be implemented. Game companies may be willing to negotiate a deal to use their properties (such as characters) in games developed by third parties, but those proposals are usually backed up by real companies, actual creative teams of developers, and serious, complete plans for games, if not outright working prototypes already. Even in the case the properties are tacked on the prototype later on, the prototypes are usually fully developed so that they can be used ''without'' those properties if the plans fall through. (Example: ''[[Wikipedia:Star Fox Adventures|Star Fox Adventures]]'' began as a game that was completely unrelated to Star Fox universe, but Nintendo felt the game was better with SF characters.)

Theoretically, it would be possible, though highly unlikely, for Sega and Nintendo to cooperate enough the make a game featuring a Sonic/Pikachu hybrid named Sonichu. They would not, however, need any input from Chris, or even his permission, to combine characters that ''they'' own. Think about it. Of course, the idea of releasing it cross-platform for ''Sony consoles'' remains yet another absurd and fevered dream on the part of Chris.

In the Sonichu Chronicles he gives [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] "permission" to use the cover to his [[hand-drawn Nintendo Power magazine|hand-drawn ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]] as the inevitable cover for when his game is created, even though it's several years old (and, in fact, even ''worse'' than Chris' current skill at art).

== Other publication channels ==

Chris hasn't even tried any self-publishing channels. The idea has only recently been addressed, with [[Clyde Cash]] posting Chris's comics on [[Wikipedia:Lulu (company)|Lulu.com]]. Chris so far has only responded by encouraging his [[fans]] not to buy them, and to simply wait for him to release the "real" versions later. According to [[Jackie e-mails Part 2]], Chris has been fixing up his pages to be published on lulu, taking an unreasonable amount of time to accomplish this amazingly simple task.

The thought of monetizing his web comic hasn't crossed his mind either. People have been annoying – nay, ''harassing'' him with advertising he didn't approve of, yet when he attempted to replace these offensive ads with ads of his own, he simply put some random advertisements on his webpage ''without actually signing any sort of advertisement contract'' — the ads didn't make him any money. There are several advertising programs that allow individual people to put ads on their personal pages and make money out of them; some of these programs are even specifically geared toward webcomic artists. Many web comics have a donation box where readers can donate money to the artist via PayPal or similar services.

It also took a while for Chris to come up with the idea of drawing on-camera, and even then, he hasn't demonstrated it too often.

== Schedule slip ==
Most webcomics have a set schedule: some update weekly, some many times a week, some daily. Some webcomics update whenever the hell the artists get inspired enough to draw a comic, and probably reserve a whole forum for people who whine about lack of updates. Most webcomic artists that update the comic three times a week consider that schedule very demanding, and webcomics that update daily usually generate revenue of some sort (ads, donations, print versions, merchandise, what-have-you), allowing the artists treat their comics like a full-day job. These are called self-sufficient webcomics. (Examples: ''Penny Arcade'', ''xkcd'', ''Questionable Content'')

Chris has thoroughly embraced the point of view that the comic shouldn't have a set schedule and inspiration doesn't have a deadline... while ''also'' promising us that the comic would be updated daily. On 14 [[November 2009]], Chris promised that the comic would be updated daily, and he managed to fulfill this promise for a while. By the end of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris was already placing author-substitutes in the story telling people to quit whining about the lack of updates. This is obviously not a question of punctuality, but [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]]; Chris would avoid a lot of drama if he just admitted that there's no set schedule whatsoever after all. If one ''does'' consider this a question of punctuality, it doesn't look too good.

Chris also tends to update in spurts in an attempt to make up for missed days; this can range anywhere from three to twenty pages at a time. Most professional webcartoonists have a buffer of guest comics so that they can avoid this sort of thing, but the thought of doing so has apparently never entered Chris's [[autistic]] mind.

== Sauces ==
<references/>

== See also ==
* [[Chris and copyright]]
* [[Chris's resume]]
* ''[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]'', Chris's not-very-creative-pitch-like PowerPoint presentation
* [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation]], in which Chris likewise fails to sell a project idea
* [[Sonichu (game)|''Sonichu'' (game)]]

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]