CWCki - User contributions [en]

Chris and writing

2016-10-17T13:41:02Z

Jondon: /* General problems */

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:395-HowThePKMNCame.jpg|thumb|right|[[Audiobooks|Look at that cover, goddamn]]]]

[[Chris]]'s '''writing''' is marked by many flaws that have persisted throughout his creative output.

== General problems ==
: ''See also: [[Chris and art]], [[Sonichu (comic)]]''

Despite the subject matter frequently being [[The Incredible Lioness|completely unsuitable for children]], Chris's writing shows a juvenile, [[Slow-in-the-minds|simple]] writing style. Chris frequently pauses from the action to describe exactly what a character is wearing and [[Sonichu 8|expound upon trivial aspects of characters]] in unnecessary detail. Inversely, he frequently [[Evan|glosses over important things]] that may [[Sonichu Balls|have relevance at some point]]. Even in "action" scenes, Chris will frequently pause in order to introduce something completely irrelevant.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_0/Page_44 Issue 0 Page 44]</ref> The overall presentation is consistently sloppy, marked by unwieldy turns of phrase and elementary typographical errors that suggest that Chris does not proofread anything he creates before putting it on the Internet. Also, Chris has the habit of using the font Comic Sans to type, which is generally considered lazy and ugly.

Chris produces no preparatory writing of any sort for his stories, content to make them up as he goes along and putting the overall narrative at the mercy of his moods and fancies. He regularly changes his mind as to what the story should be and contradicts what has come before as he pleases, unable to comprehend why this would bother his audience. He also often introduces and foreshadows seemingly important plot elements that [[Darkbind Sonichu|never substantially contribute to the plot]] or are dropped abruptly when Chris [[Anchuent prophecy|loses interest in them]].

To the surprise of nobody, Chris is no [[Alec Benson Leary|Alan Moore]] and ''Sonichu'' is no ''[[Asperchu|Watchmen]]''. Chris makes no effort to work to the strengths of the comic medium, and instead approaches his comics more like a [[television]] series or [[anime]] in structure, using storytelling techniques and visual information that work in those mediums but not so well on paper. He is ignorant towards comic books and how they are supposed to work as a sequential narrative. Despite a desire to work for major companies like [[wikipedia:DC Comics|DC]], [[wikipedia:Marvel Comics|Marvel]], [[wikipedia:Dark Horse Comics|Dark Horse]] and [[wikipedia:Archie Comics|Archie]], Chris has never shown any real interest towards those companies and their publications, though he did seem vaguely aware of the miniseries ''[[wikipedia:Marvel Zombies|Marvel Zombies]]'' in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|one of the Alec calls]], criticizing its [[Sonichu 10|violent]] and [[Parody|parodic]] nature despite admitting to having [[Naive|never read it]]. Within ''Sonichu'' itself, his Mary Sue insert has referred to the comic as an anime and himself as its director, and has given it ratings such as TV-14, etc., which only apply to television standards. ''Sonichu'' isn't so much a work designed to be a comic, but rather an economic storyboard for a hypothetical TV show or video game.

=== Exposition ===
[[File:SchuComic10P3.jpg|thumb|If only there was some way that events and actions could be depicted visually, rather than as endless and tedious walls of Comic Sans.]]
[[File:SchuComic10P65.jpg|thumb|For fuck's sake.]]
{{quote|Fifteen minutes of dialogue, and a transformation, later...|[[Sonichu 9|Chris, not even trying anymore]]}}

As a writer, Chris is over-reliant upon exposition, to the point that some works (such as [[The High School Story]]) contain nothing else. Chris does not like to illustrate facts of his stories through example, and instead expects the reader to accept his every word as gospel, leaving no room for interpretations that are not [[TRUE and HONEST]]. Confusing dialogue for exposition, Chris believes that his level of exposition is normal in mainstream comics.<ref>[[Mailbag 19#Textwalling|Mailbag 19]]</ref>

In addition, Chris critically fails at the literary element "show don't tell" even in illustrated action scenes, choosing instead to describe what a character is doing between two asterisks (some notable offenders are *CUTS VINES*, *CRASH TO GRASS*,<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_9/Page_52 Issue 9 Page 52]</ref> *TELEPORTS IN*, and *MAKES GUN DO A 180*.) With those examples, it shows that the idea of onomatopoeia is lost to him. In those cases, examples including "SLICE", "THUMP", "WHOOSH" and, perhaps, "SQUEAK" would have told them same thing, but with a lot more emphasis on what's going on.

[[File:SchuComic1.jpg|thumb|right|[[Mary Lee Walsh]] threatens Chris and Sonichu with a "Hee Hee" attack, which most military analysts seem to agree is ''not'' a particularly potent or spine-chilling threat. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]], however, is widely believed to destroy everything.]]

=== Characterization ===
: ''See also: [[Chris and art#Character design|Character design]]''

Chris's characters, as they are written, are distinguishable only by the vaguest surface elements. Chris's view of ideal personalities in men and women is clear to him, and because he wants all of his creations to be perfect, his characters are barely-distinct variations on a theme. Chris does not comprehend the appeal of characters with flaws. In his [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2|second call with Alec Benson Leary]] Chris explained that because he considers all of his characters to be very much real, living things that exist in some sort of cartoon universe, giving them flaws would amount to tormenting a living creature (in the context of the conversation, Chris defended bleaching [[Asperchu]] into "Mitch Sonichu" because the character shouldn't have to suffer his original name). His general response to the criticism that his characters lack personality is denial.

The indistinct characterizations of the Sonichu cast are reflected in their dialogue. Chris does not use dialogue to suggest distinct personalities and worldviews. All characters are equally capable of speaking as Chris does, and from Chris's perspective, including [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|small children]].

This in turn leads to only three basic stock personalities. All males (except for Chris) are superficial idiots who are only interested in fucking and enforcing Comic-Chris's [[CWCville|draconian laws]], all of the females are vacuous sluts who only want to fuck, shop and cook (in that order, no less), and [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Comic-Chris]] comes off as a murderous, insane dictator of a militaristic city-state enforced by a paramilitary secret police and a pack of [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon|super-powered goons]] with immunity from [[Chris and the Law|prosecution]] and freedom to commit any [[Sonichu 10|atrocities]] they ([[Gun Comic|and he]]) please, utilizing a [[Magi-Chan|psychic hedgehog]] to spy on his citizens to make sure there are no [[homos|gay people]], and gleefully reveling in the pain he inflicts on those whom he deems unworthy.

Just as the protagonists are designed to be Chris's bland, homogenous vision of ideal heroism, the antagonists are simply evil for the sake of evil. The villains more often than not act with no apparent motivation whatsoever other than an abstractly contrived desire to bully Chris by sabotaging his heroic efforts to get a girlfriend. How they would prosper from this is unknown, especially considering that they have not once ever come close to defeating the Hedgehogs. Since Chris doesn't see the appeal in protagonists with flaws, he likewise doesn't see the appeal in villains with redeeming qualities (probably because most of his enemies are avatars of real people whom Chris genuinely believes are involved in a [[Greene County Conspiracy|conspiracy]] against him). The closest thing to a sympathetic villain is [[Blake]], but only because he has a raging [[I am STRAIGHT|heterosexual]] libido just like all the other furries in the comic.

Consequentially, any attempt at character development fails miserably. Chris marks any change in character by indicating (in exposition, of course) something akin to "it just happened." With Blake, who arguably goes through the most stark change in character (an antagonist becoming a supporting character), there is absolutely no moral struggle or any build-up to the moment he defects to the side of good. His sudden infatuation with [[Bubbles]] (who beat him almost to death a few issues prior) and a brief, nonchalant mention of mistreatment at the hands of his [[Naitsirhc|master]] are all the reasons the reader is given for why Blake changed sides. Blake isn't even the worst offender, either; no reason is given for [[Wes Iseli]]'s defection to the enemy ''at all''.

===Dialogue===
Chris only uses dialogue as an expository device in his comics in the bluntest fashion possible. Chris feels the need to include extensive amounts of dialogue in his comic, resulting in textwalls that demand type so small that they often threaten to become illegible. Textwalling is Chris's preferred method of dictating the story as he means for it to be experienced by his reader. Chris has defended this practice due to feeling a "preference to elaborate, because [[Chris|some people]] [[Autism|rarely get visual references]]."<ref>[[Mailbag 19#Textwalling]]</ref> On a similar note, speech often includes hand-drawn emoticons to display what the speaker is feeling, affirming the notion that Chris doesn't believe that his artwork or dialogue alone can convey his ideas, in addition to his [[Autism|total ineptitude with emotions]].

Even when not textwalling, Chris's dialogue is highly unnatural. He appears to have no grasp of voice, with nearly all his characters using the same stilted tone, verbosity, and [[CWC-isms]]. This can easily be seen in early issues, where the phrase "[[boyfriend-free girl]]" pops up from multiple characters. This may be a symptom of his [[Autism|lacking theory of mind]]: he believes that, since he talks in this fashion, so does everybody else.

=== Plot and Drama ===
Chris's [[Chris and reality#Fantasy and Fiction|confused understanding]] of reality and fantasy affects his ability to write captivating fiction. Because Chris considers his creations to be "alive" in some parallel universe, he finds that giving them artificially happy and uncomplicated lives is satisfying, and assumes that his [[True and Loyal Fanbase|TRUE and LOYAL fanbase]] shares this interest.

Chris seeks to avoid tension or suspense that would trouble his creations and his intended audience wherever possible. Thus, he is unwilling to depict his characters in peril that is convincing, and therefore, "real," and wants to pair them off early and dwell on their long, idyllic romances. Villains tend to put up laughably little challenge, and the protagonists usually win with a show of devastating and effortless force. Virtually every fight ends with the heroes winning almost immediately and with little difficulty. Initially villains are allowed to posture about a little before Sonichu shows up to ruin their shit, but as the comic goes on and Chris comes into conflict with internet trolls, the battles become even ''shorter'' and ''less climactic'' for the sake of emphasis. Likewise, any instances emotional drama between characters are resolved immediately. The only time where a problem was resolved without an artificially cheery resolution was in [[Sonichu 11]], wherein [[Cera Rosechu]] fails to mend her relationship with [[Kevin the Jew]], though the character seems "over it" after crying a little about it.

Similarly, previews and allusions to the future always emphasize victory over the forces of evil. A vision of the PVCC attacking CWCville ends rather conclusively with Chris saying "Good, we've won!" A terse preview for the following issue completely dismantles all the tension in the only marginally dramatic plot arc: "Next issue I get out of the time void." His devotion to neutralising tension is such that in [[Sonichu 10]], Magi-Chan broke the fourth wall to prematurely reveal that he would eventually fall in love with Silvana, presumably so that readers would not have to worry about what would happen to them in the meantime. Even the worst writers would never use the words "spoiler alert" in one's own work (with experienced ones instead opting for foreshadowing), but Chris feels it necessary to spoil a yet-to-be-revealed plot point ''in the comic''.

As you might guess, on top of everything else, this makes the storyline for Sonichu '''unendurably boring.'''

Ironically, the sole exception to this rule is [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris himself]] - but even this treatment is baffling. As the activities of Comic-Chris are based on his Creator, he is unable to simply resolve Chris's [[Love Quest]] quickly and easily ([[Lovely Weather|but it doesn't stop him from trying]]). Thus, even while his doppelganger accumulates more and more superpowers and allies, he is still shown being curiously ineffectual, unable to handle [[W-M-Manajerk|most]] [[Wes Iseli|threats]] without help, and before long, his insipid romantic efforts have become the sole outstanding arc. However, this is less the result of Chris's skill at dramatic writing and more his lack of skill with love and life; that Comic-Chris fails even with every [[Yu-Gi-Oh|card]] stacked in his favor only reflects that the real one does, too, and whenever Chris thinks his Love Quest might be over in real life, he attempts to give it [[Wedding Comic|the typical easy resolution]] in the comics as well.

The actual plotting for Sonichu is problematic as well. Chris interjects new ideas very abruptly, and often with no real logic or progression, just because they caught his fancy. For instance, there's absolutely no reason for Chris to suddenly be using Yu-Gi-Oh cards and terms in [[Sonichu 5]]; he was just interested in them at the time he was writing it. There's no scene where Chris gets a magic deck of trading cards or anything to explain why he can suddenly cast spells. Likewise, as soon as Chris loses interest in an idea he presents in his comic, he will resolve it in a quick and often unsatisfying manner. Characters once meant to enter the main cast, such as [[Ivy]], will then be killed (off-panel, no less) so that Chris can proceed to his next plotline of interest. Other dropped narrative threads (such as [[Megan Schroeder|Meg-chan]] or [[Blanca Weiss|Blanca]]) might only get a sentence or two tying up the loose end, and some (e.g. [[Jiggliami]]) are simply never referred to again.

The comic's narrative is yet further clouded by the unsteady rate at which Chris updates, along with his habit of occasionally working out of order. For example, Chris ends the last story in [[Sonichu 9]] with announcing that [[GodJesus]] had guided him to love with [[PandaHalo]] - only to have God and Jesus suddenly introduce him to Ivy in the very next issue with no explanation for why the Lord of Lords is backtracking on His dating advice to His favorite son.

When Chris adds something to a Sonichu comic due to the pressure of another party, he is known to make these additions unsatisfying on purpose for the parties requesting them. The most stupefying example may be the Time Void subplot. Written in after criticism that his alter-ego took up too much of the comic's time, Chris ''almost'' removes himself from the action for ''almost'' two issues, and when it unceremoniously ends, it just so happens to leave him ready to indulge in the most self-servicing revenge fantasy yet.

=== Visual clarity ===
[[Image:SchuComic10P09.jpg|thumb|right|An example of Chris's mind-boggling ability to make a completely unreadable page, hosted by what appears to be [[Chris and Religion|Father Christmas and Chris with a beard.]]]]
[[Image:SchuComic9P92.jpg|thumb|left|Holy balls, try reading ''this''.]]
[[IMage:MSCPython.jpg|thumb|right|Witty banter is considerably less funny when it's blatantly ripped off ''and'' you have to follow the numbers.]]
[[File:Son11p17.jpg|thumb|15 years of drawing ''Sonichu'' comics and Chris still can't lay out dialog.]]
Like many children, Chris is unconcerned with making his work clear and easily read. Chris does not plan page layouts in advance, and instead draws panels one at a time, cramming however many he can onto the page and further harming his comic's visual clarity. He does not understand (or perhaps care) that word balloons and text boxes must be arranged left to right and top to bottom in the intended order in each panel, and that the panel's art must be set to accommodate that order. The dialogue flow in panels with multiple word balloons in Sonichu regularly must be pieced together from context clues by the reader. The worst example of this is seen below: Chris establishing a reading order by numbering lines of dialogue.

== Chris as a poet and lyricist ==
: ''See also: [[Chris and music]]''

{{quote|I’d lay her down caress her gently tickle her [[China|fancy]]; have her tickle my [[Duck|fancy]], and give it to her with the learned lonely experience I’ve endured.|Chris, expertly stirring feelings of both mild disgust and confusion<ref>For My True Love, I Would…</ref>}}

In poem and lyric, Chris has a poor understanding of the anatomy of an appealing composition. He mistakes exceedingly saccharine language for the romantic. He also pads out gaps with [[random-access humor]] and [[I Love Lucy|curiously dated language]].

He has total disregard for proper meter, and rhymes are forced with bizarre neologisms (''Rosey, as often as birds tweet/will you be my lovely heartsweet?''<ref>[[Sonichu's Ode to Rosechu]]</ref>). Sometimes he can't even manage to make it rhyme (''Heart-broken, sad and very lonely,/I may never remove my virginity.'')<ref>[[Saddest Heart in the World]]</ref>.

Not even the Bard of Avon is safe from Chris. In [[Sub-Episode 3]], a famous line from ''[[wikipedia:Macbeth|Macbeth]]'' has a stupid couplet of Chris's making tacked on to its end (I shatter hearts as I please! I hurt them hard with the greatest of ease!<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_4/Page_20 Issue 4 Page 20]</ref>), while [[Bubbles]] mutilates a line from the ''[[Wikipedia:The Tempest|The Tempest]]'' in ''[[Sonichu 8]]''.<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_8/Page_95 Issue 8 Page 95] (paraphrasing Miranda's famous line, "O brave new world, That has such people in't!")</ref> Needless to say, the contrast is not that hard to see.

== Chris as a journalist ==
[[Image:199-newsdsh.jpg|left|thumb|"Yellow journalism" gone oh so horribly wrong]]

''[[Nintendo Power]]'' was a publication released by [[Nintendo]] about Nintendo products. It sought to inform video game enthusiasts anything they might want to know about Nintendo products, and how they should feel about them. It is easily Chris's single greatest journalistic influence. To this day, he seeks to plainly tell the masses what the truth is and how we should feel about it.

Chris's first notable work of journalism is his final project in high school, [[A Week With Christian Chandler]]. It is a prime example of Chris's understanding of [[honesty]]: the only thing that could reflect poorly on him in his mind was the omission of any fact; Chris saw fit to document anything and everything that happened, including [[Honor Roll|sleeping through class]]. At this early stage it seems that Chris was unwilling to massage the truth because he had yet to experience the disapproval of peers that concerned him, as the reactions of Internet trolls would later.

Chris's next journalistic effort came in college with ''[[Sonichu's News Dash!]]'', which operated under the characteristic presumption that the details of his daily life were of inherent reader interest.

== Chris as a blogger ==
Chris's blogging is a continuation of his ''News Dash!'' mentioned above. In a way, Chris's first and most frequently updated blog was [[CWC's Sonichu Site!‎|his web page]], in which he posted "updates" about his goings-on (such as they were; most updates were simply denouncements of [[Mary Lee Walsh|a certain Dean]]). The site, however, was not in what most people would consider a blog format; instead of archiving and replacing old content with newer material, Chris simply stuck new updates wherever he could find new space that day, resulting in an erratic and bizarre page layout. He also experimented with conventional blog formats, and the results were only marginally easier to read.

To this date Chris has had several actual blogs:
*[[PSN Blogs]]
*[[The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog]]
*[[MySpace|A small MySpace Blog]]
*[[CWC Blog]]
*[[Twitter]]

The location may change, but the [[Autism|style is consistent and unmistakable]]. This may be linked to Chris not knowing exactly the purpose of a blog. Ideally, on a blog, one publishes one's opinions and [[Love Quest|experiences]] in a group setting, allowing constant meaningful communication. While Chris has no problems [[CWCipedia|sharing intimate details about his life]], he doesn't seem to get the communicative part. Blogs are just another place for him to spew truth and [[honesty]], as well as to try to incite action against his detractors.

Another arguably more important fault with Chris's blogging is that '''Chris's blogs are fucking boring.''' Successful bloggers post about their life in much the same way as anybody else, but they know that they need to keep it entertaining to read. While Chris did unintentionally cause the occasional [[PSN Blogs#31 July 2007 16:37 — PaRappin Reviews of the Top 10!|laugh]], most entries are outright [[CWC Blog#24 August 2009|annoying]].

Arguably the most notable blog ever made by Chris was the infamous [[PSN Blogs#4 August 2007 — Adam Stackhouse!!!|Adam Stackhouse blog]]. Seething with [[anger]], Chris showed that — just like with [[Wikipedia]] — he doesn't want to contribute, but enforce his beliefs on anyone who will listen.

{{quote|In any case, I LOATHE Adam and his Sister for STEALING my one chance at taking my Sweet Gal-Friend to Seattle; it would have been terriffic. I might have even been able to change her outlook on not planning on having children (she and I are both virgins; although I am a FRUSTRATED, High-Functionally AUTISTIC, 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN. And I LOATHE Surybuchwald and Aprelewsky as well, because their MUSIC probably landed those [[JERKS]] in 2nd and 3rd.|Chris, demonstrating his able skills as net citizen}}

==Chris as an essayist==
{{Main|Manchester High Leaks}}

While in [[Manchester High School|high school]], Chris was persuaded to stop napping long enough to write [[Manchester High Leaks|several graded essays]]. The lessons he failed to learn from these experiences continue to influence his prose style. Chris's education in essay-writing seems to have been limited to the basic five-paragraph essay. Chris was trained to think of the intro paragraph as the "appetizer;" the body paragraphs, respectively, as "veggie," "potatoes/rice/pasta," and "meat;" and the conclusion as "dessert" ([[Obesity|anything related to food seems to reach Chris]]). Despite having such a sophisticated structural apparatus at his disposal, Chris's essays were shallow and incoherent (in part this was a product of the assignment restrictions--his essay, "Work vs. Student Life," for example, was only 100 words long). His history essay, "Japan, 1912-1949," which appears to be his first foray into the genre, lacks a clear thesis sentence, well-organized body paragraphs, or a meaningful conclusion (not to mention using WWI sources in points about WWII). His teacher understandably deemed it "very confusing & unclear." Another history essay, "Who was our best President?," does a better job of segregating main ideas within the three body paragraphs, but remains extremely rigid and rote. His "Canterbury Tales" essay has no real structure at all and simply retells one of Chaucer's morality tales in a rambling narrative. For this assignment, he received only two out of ten points for "Clarity of Expression."

These limitations and oversights have carried over into what nonfiction writing Chris has done as an adult. Nearly all of his nonfiction prose has been autobiographical (and what fiction he writes generally involves [[The High School Story|suspiciously familiar material]]). The only real exception has been "Chris Chan’s Heroic Dream for Our Community NOW and in the Future,"<ref>[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Dating_Education CWCipedia article|CWCipedia]</ref>, his clarion call for [[Dating education|Dating Education]], which he submitted to a contest in 2009. Here there is nothing to suggest that Chris ever learned even the basics of essay writing, with its buried thesis, its unsupported paragraphs, its idiosyncratic capitalization, and a fucking frowny face. Chris's essays about his favorite subject--himself--similarly show little regard for writing standards. "Story of My Current Days" has a thesis of sorts, but the body is simply a clumsily-structured retelling of events which Chris expects the reader to glean meaning from without any assistance from him. His much expanded [[Chris's Wikipedia profile|Wikipedia profile]] has a self-serving thesis and is helpfully carved into subheadings, but remains fluid and disjointed. The several essays he wrote for the [[CWCipedia]] share the same first-draft problems of sentence-long paragraphs and an unappealing potpourri of boldface, italics, and capitalization.

== Chris's reading habits ==

Anyone who wants to be a good writer must be well-read. It's one of the most natural ways to become acquainted with good style, the elements of a plot, and correct spelling. Chris's [[Chris and his ego|ego]] is so inflated that he thinks he can produce something [[Honor roll|brilliant]] with no effort whatsoever. The only books Chris has ever been seen reading voluntarily are paperback ''Goosebumps'' and ''Fear Street'' novels by [[R.L. Stine]] which are notable only for their sheer mediocrity. Chris read these books, which were written for elementary schoolers, well into high school. In terms of the readings he was assigned at [[Manchester High School|Manchester High School]], Chris retained only a superficial understanding of them. During the [[Father Call]], Chris said that he read ''[[Wikipedia: To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]'' a mere month prior, which in all likelihood he only mentioned because it was assigned in high school. This was almost instantly proven false when he confused it with ''Of Mice and Men'', another high school assignment. The [[Manchester High Leaks|high school essay]] he wrote about a selection from Chaucer's "Canterbury Tales" earned only a 69%.

== See also ==
* [[Chris and art]]
* [[Chris and English]]
* [[CWC's Diary]]
* [[R.L. Stine]]

== Sources ==
<references/>

{{Writings}}
{{Sonichu}}
{{Chris and}}

CWCki Forums

2016-10-17T13:04:52Z

Jondon: a few ironic pipe links

{{quote|You God Damn Pinheads!!!! I have already told you; [[Chris]] has told you!!!! The Riddle's answer was the FUCKING PITTSBURG PIRATES!!!! CHRISTIAN IS NOT A GOD DAMNED [[Homos|HOMO]]!!!! CHRISTIAN IS [[STRAIGHT]]!!!! He gets [[Cakefarts|hard]] over women!! He vomits at [[JERKS|males]]!!

GET IT THROUGH YOUR GOD DAMNED, DEMENTED, THICK SKULLS, YOU GOD DAMNED PINHEADS!!!!

I should know very well, because I Am Christian Weston Chandler of [[Ruckersville]], [[Virginia|VA]], himself!!!!

You god damned males make me vomit, sick and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit]]!!|Chris on 24 August 2013}}

[[File:137704626985.jpg|thumb|400px|This is basically it.]]

The '''CWCki Forums''' was the name of a web message board previously loosely affiliated with the [[CWCki]]. It was frequented by many of the wiki regulars and other people interested in all things Christorical. Its primary purpose was to allow users to discuss and speculate about Chris, without needing to do so in the [[CWCki:NAF|CWCki talk pages]]. It received hundreds of thousands of posts on hundreds of different discussion topics about Chris over the years, and had thousands of posters, which can cause one to pause and either marvel at the enduring fascination of Chris as a subject matter, wonder who the ''actual'' autists were, or both.

Previously existing as a stand-alone board in various iterations, in February 2015 it was absorbed into a larger site re-branded as [https://kiwifar.ms ''Kiwi Farms''], which focuses on lolcows (people and groups whose eccentric or foolish behavior can be "milked" for amusement and laughs) in general and not just Chris. (The new name came from [[speech impediment|the way several lolcows mispronounced "CWCki Forums"]].) In April 2016 a separate site, [http://cwcki.club/index.php ''CWCki Club''], was launched to be more like the original CWCki Forums and focuses primarily on Chris.

It is known that Chris was posting on the forum in 2012 under nickname "paintingatree". In his few posts, he generally tried to defend himself under the guise of a remorseful troll. This fact alone, as well as his [[Chris and writing|writing style]] and posting habits (posting rarely, never in the same thread again and never trying to start a conversation with other users) made his presence somewhat a open secret. Surprisingly, Chris registered again under the same nickname in February 2013. He wrote the first post on 23 May, in which he made it clear that it was him. In spite of this, [[Slow-in-the-minds|in other posts he pretended to be someone else.]] As it could be expected, he was trying to defend himself again (mostly from accusations of being [[Homos|homosexual]], since many users, knowing that they're being watched, jokingly concluded that the meaning behind his absurd [[Facebook#The_Riddle|Facebook riddle]] is that Chris wants to [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|come out of the closet]]), and was very rude to the users in almost all of his posts. Being in the process of adding old friends from his [[Manchester High|high school]] on FB, he also asked if anybody found [[Tiffany Gowen]].

It's assumed that Chris lurks on the boards regularly, and screenshots of the forum have appeared on his [[Facebook]] account. His exact motivations for doing this are not clear, but it has been speculated that he intended to use the screen caps as proof of a troll conspiracy including [[Michael Snyder]]. Robert Bell, Chris's lawyer, was apparently unpersuaded by Chris's legal acumen and did not enter any screen caps into evidence.

__TOC__

==Chris's posts==
Below are the posts Chris wrote under pseudonym paintingatree between 23 May and 6 September 2013. Unfortunately, all of his posts from the old Forumer incarnation from 2012 seem to be lost. Chris's posts are in blue, while posts in threads he was responding to are in red.

===Re: DreamHost and a possible migration===
{{quoteboxred|'''by Marvin » Wed May 22, 2013 1:00 am'''
Uhh, all the cool kids use linode. Also, I'd whatever the whatever you're asking us to whatever, but I'm too drunk to do it properly and/or usefully right now, so, maybe when I'm sober.|Marvin <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/dreamhost-and-a-possible-migration.998/#post-65466]</ref>}}

And then, [[Pokémon|a wild Chris-Chan appears]]:

{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Thu May 23, 2013 7:36 am'''
Why don't you and that damn [[Cwcki]] just go ahead and die off the [[Internet]] already so I can finally find some peace of my life? <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/dreamhost-and-a-possible-migration.998/#post-65470]</ref>}}

===Re: Should Chris Consider Dating A 'Special' Girl?===
{{quoteboxred|'''by Thetan » Sat Jun 08, 2013 10:42 pm'''
Rather than constantly whining about how lonely he is, Chris should consider revising his sweetheart standards. He has set the bar far too high for himself. He couldn't even make things work out with Faeryn or The Wallflower.

Chris could do well with a 'special' girl: potentially someone mildly mentally retarded who enjoys the same childish things he does. They could enjoy each other's company, coloring and watching cartoons together. As long as they don't have unprotected sex, I don't see a problem with this type of relationship.

Such a person may actually find Chris interesting, look up to him, and hang onto his every word. The relationship would not only alleviate his loneliness, but be good for his ego as well.|Thetan <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/should-chris-consider-dating-a-special-girl.1183/]</ref>}}

{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Tue Aug 06, 2013 11:48 pm'''
In response to your question, I ask you a question. Would YOU, in full honesty, full truth, in your right mind, at all, date a [[Tomgirl|"Special Girl"]]? [[Chris and hypocrisy|How would you feel if you woke up the next morning with droning moaning and blather coming from the face next to you?]]<ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/should-chris-consider-dating-a-special-girl.1183/page-6#post-77414]</ref>}}

===Re: Tiffany Gowen===
{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Wed Aug 14, 2013 8:20 pm'''
Hey, whatever happened to [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]]? Didn't she get [[Merried Seinor Comic|married]] or something? Like, dude, where did she go; has anyone found her?<ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/tiffany-gowen.1065/page-2#post-70608]</ref>}}

Most noteworthy response:

{{quoteboxred|'''by applecat » Fri Aug 16, 2013 10:14 am'''
I found her! It was tough because she didn't have a Facebook, but I made sure to send her a link to the CWCki so she would know to stay away from that horrible man. She was very disappointed in him, but she thanked me for the tip-off. That's one more gal-pal safe from Chris!|applecat <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/tiffany-gowen.1065/page-3#post-70624]</ref>}}

===Re: I had a conversation with my wife about Christian.===
{{quoteboxred|'''by The Dude » Sat Aug 17, 2013 9:41 am'''
I've told her a little about Christian back in the day, but haven't told her about any of the recent stuff like Tomgil, running over Snyder, stuff like that.

The conversation went like this:

Me: So let's have a hypothetical.

Mrs. Dude: OK.

Me: Let's say something happens to me and we're no longer together. For sake of argument let's say I died.

Mrs. Dude: Oh no!

Me: So I'm dead and gone, and you're single again. Enough time has passed that you want to get back out and find another man.

Mrs. Dude: OK.

Me: Now here's the rub; the only guy who wants to date you is fat, balding, doesn't bathe, has no job, dresses like a girl, and lives with his mother in a hoarded house. He also shits himself when he's upset.

Mrs. Dude: Ew! EEWWWWW!!!

Me: What do you do?

Mrs. Dude: Tell him to stay away and strongly consider becoming a lesbian.

Me: A wise choice.

Mrs. Dude: There's someone out there that you know about who fits that exact description, isn't there?

Me: Remember that guy I told you about on the internet? The guy I showed you the videos of him having a singing battle with my friend?

Mrs. Dude: The autistic kid with the fucked up Sonic thing?

Me: Yup.

Mrs. Dude: He SHITS himself?

Me: Yup.

Mrs. Dude: Oh my...why? That's just grody! EW! EEWWWW!!

Me: I know.

Do you ever have conversations with anyone about Chris? How have they gone?|The Dude <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/i-had-a-conversation-with-my-wife-about-christian.1721/]</ref>}}

{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Sat Aug 17, 2013 2:56 pm'''
You, sir, are NOT married; you are making as much fabrication up as Chris would. Your post is a fraud; you will never change my mind; You Are Pathetic. Ha. Ha. Ha. <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/i-had-a-conversation-with-my-wife-about-christian.1721/page-2#post-107433]</ref>}}

===Seriously? No one wants to finish [[Facebook#The_Riddle|Chris' Puzzle]]?===
{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:08 pm'''
You all aren't even going to figure the Links between the photos? I mean, I don't think they have the same common thread, but one still links to the other. The lemon cake is a favorite food of businesswomen, and Cuban is a businessman. A bakery in Delaware highly recommends lemon and almond cookies. Delaware Bue Hens; hens on a farm with tornados. It's not totally rocket science. <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/seriously-no-one-wants-to-finish-chris-puzzle.1725/]</ref>}}

===Re: Chris likes [[Manchester_High_School#Go_Lancers.21|the lancers]] on facebook.===
{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Mon Aug 19, 2013 3:10 pm'''
Oh, for God's Sake!!! [[Chris and sex|Did Chris not make it clear enough time and again that he is in Absolute Fact Fucking Straight?! He gets a hard on with a Woman! He gets Pukey Sick when seeing topless males! He freaking wears a bra to cover his own shame! He gets a hard on with WOMEN!!! Stop Mislabeling the Straight Man Already!!!]]

BTW: Cuban was born in Pittsburg; Pirates roam the seas with the Mayflower; there is a photo of Chris wearing a Pittsburg Pirates Cap. Also, when you want to call him Stupid, do not mislabel him there either!

[[Chris and hypocrisy|You all are pathetic, stupid, no ounce is common sense or intelligence at all!]] I do not know why I keep following you all at all!

Break Up the whole Group here already!!! <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/chris-likes-the-lancers-on-facebook.1713/page-9#post-106963]</ref>}}

===Christian Weston Chandler is STRAIGHT!!!!===
{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Sat Aug 24, 2013 1:59 pm'''
You God Damn Pinheads!!!! I have already told you; Chris has told you!!!! The Riddle's answer was the FUCKING PITTSBURG PIRATES!!!! CHRISTIAN IS NOT A GOD DAMNED HOMO!!!! CHRISTIAN IS STRAIGHT!!!! He gets hard over women!! He vomits at males!!

GET IT THROUGH YOUR GOD DAMNED, DEMENTED, THICK SKULLS, YOU GOD DAMNED PINHEADS!!!!

I should know very well, because I Am Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, VA, himself!!!!

You god damned [[JERKS|males]] make me vomit, sick and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit]]!! <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/christian-weston-chandler-is-straight.1760/]</ref>}}

===September 2 FB update; New Troll to "Welcome"===

Just after revealing himself in his previous post, Chris acts as if nothing happened. Instead of [[Calling Out|encouraging his trolls to harass his perceived enemies]] directly in a quoted FB post, he does it by pretending to be one of them... and fails.

{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Mon Sep 2, 2013 9:22 am'''
He has posted Publically ''[sic]'', and I quote:

I have just been intercepted by a Manajerk and an Offline Troll/Bully. Her name is [REDACTED]; works within the Mal-Wart region. Every Troll/Cyber-Bully should contact her at her email address of [REDACTED], and remind her that no one is to mess with an Autistic Person when they are in a depressed, sad, angry or foul mood, especially with the online reputation that was dragged through the worst mud, muck and bodily fluids that said Autistic Person has, and if his hatred of the XBox brand, and the number of Trolls that populate half to three-quarters of that brand, stand in the way of the foul mood, then that is Microsoft's Freaking Problem!

Yes! Let's Bother The Hell Out Of the Manajerk, and Give Her the Worst Day of Her Life!!!<ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/september-2-fb-update-new-troll-to-welcome.1805/]</ref>}}

===Bann has happened again===
Chris again requests for a trolling plan to troll Ms.Manajerk which is according to his [[Facebook#Chris_Expresses His Outrage for Walmart|Facebook post]] on 6 [[September 2013]], ignoring the '''No trolling plans''' rule again.
{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Fri Sep 06, 2013 1:00 pm'''
Ha! I sincerely do not find anything credible about this forum that makes it Not-Trolling. We really should Troll (name redacted) now that she has followed in [[Michael Snyder]]'s steps now. She deserves revenge in Chris' name. <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/bann-has-happened-again.1851/]</ref>}}

===YOU ALL DO NOTHING BUT CONTINUE TO TROLL PEOPLE!!!===
After getting the responses he doesn't desire, Chris then tard rages and shows off his huge [[Chris and his ego|ego]] about how [[Chris and copyright|taking his words and content without permission or consent is trolling and cyber-bullying.]] Again, he pretends as if he is not Chris at all.
{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Fri Sep 06, 2013 9:02 pm'''
IF this was NOT a Trolling Forum, you all would NOT be talking at all about Christian. [[Chris and his ego|The more you talk about him, AND bother him in ANY Communications, AND take his words and content without permission or consent, THE MORE YOU BASTARDS ARE SO TROLLING AND CYBER-BULLYING!!!]]

DESTROY THIS FORUM AND THE DAMN CWCKI NOW!!!<ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/you-all-do-nothing-but-continue-to-troll-people.1855/]</ref>}}

==Gallery of screencaps Chris took of the CWCki forum and posted on [[Facebook]]==
<center>
<gallery>
File:Readinposts.PNG|Chris mocks board regular "Lucrid" and assures us the [[JenkinsJinkies]] sodomy story was made up.
File:Koreans.PNG|Chris denigrates Korean cuisine due to a misunderstanding.
File:No_trolling_plans.jpg|"No Trolling Plans"; Who the f*** are they kidding?" - [[Facebook#No_trolling_plans|Chris, over Facebook]]
File:CWCKiForumsPoll.jpg|Right; I'm ugly as hell. <nowiki>|:(</nowiki>
</gallery>
</center>
[[Category: Websites]]

==See also==
* [[CWCki]]
* [[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia]]
* [[Trollin' Train]]
* [[Sonichu Girls]]
* [[GameFAQs]]

==References==
<references/>

==External link==
*[https://kiwifar.ms/forums/christian-weston-chandler.18/ CWCki forums]

{{The Internet}}

[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

User:Jondon

2016-10-15T02:09:32Z

Jondon: Created page with "I'm just a nigga that has random week long phases of obsession with Chris Chan. I'll mostly do minor edits."

I'm just a nigga that has random week long phases of obsession with Chris Chan. I'll mostly do minor edits.

Chris Chan's Public Announcement

2016-10-15T02:06:06Z

Jondon: added a few pipe links to the third paragraph

'''Chris Chan's Public Announcement''' was the first [[YouTube]] video posted by [[Christian]] since the launch of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page. He prefaced its release by uploading six older videos of his accomplishments to his YouTube channel during the few days previous, in the hope that they might better frame his plea for understanding. Christian assumes that the ED contributors have simply misunderstood him and his work, and, consequently, attempts to re-introduce himself in order to start over on the right foot. Oddly, Chris loudly inhales between his sentences a lot in this video.

==Description==
{{quotebox|I've heard about those who have defiled my character. For a while, I felt irritated. And I am sorry that I appeared to be a sad person, so please, as a person with as much expierence as the next, stop the Stressful Torture.<ref>[[https://web.archive.org/web/20071231173915/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeuHnu0GK0k]]</ref>}}

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Chris Chan's Public Announcement
| video = {{#ev:youtube|DyTRNU1ym-k}}
| stardate = 07 [[November 2007]]
| subject = {{Rumors|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{ED|text}}
| shirt = {{YellowRedStripeShirt|text}}
| previous = [[CWC_is_Angry#Watch|CWC is Angry]]
| next = [[CWC's_Second_Message#Video|CWC's Second Message]]
}}

{{quote|Please remember: I'm a innocent person.}}

=== Transcript ===

Hello. My name is Christian Weston Chandler… from [[Ruckersville, VA|Ruckersville, Vir''gin''ia]]. [''puts on [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]]'']

It has come to my attention that I have a lot... more fans of my electronk—[[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] [[Sonichu]] than I had originally thought, and I thank each and every one of you for your support. And I will draw more [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]], uh, when I get some positive inspiration, or, uh, when I feel like it. After all, everybody else—everybody has a life; so do I; [[lie|I have a life]]. [''inhales sharply'']

Anyway, it has also come to my attention that I have a lot of people who may have picked up on the wrong theories of my person. [''inhales sharply''] I will not quote any hate sites, but I would like to humbly apologize for appearing to be some kind of sleaze, [[troll]], badass, or whatever adjectives, good or explicit, you may feel about me. [''inhales sharply'']

Please understand: I am a 25 year-old, [[high-functioning autism|high-functioning autistic]] male… with a simple, ''peaceful'' dream… of becoming a ''father''… of a sweet, little, pretty girl, who I will dub…ly name [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|“''Crystal'' Weston Chandler”]]. “Crystal”: a name that sounds similar to mine, but it has a nice ring to it. And it’s also similar to the illustrious [[Honor roll|metal]] that is mined from the Earth’s ground. “Weston”: my [[Barbara Chandler|mother’s]] maiden name, and a proper English name from royal descent. As a matter of fact, among my, uh, mother’s side in the, uh, [[Chris and English|ancestrial]] traits [''inhales sharply''] we have, uh, we have been traced down to [[Daniel Weston]], who was on the main Mayflower voyage. And, uh, beyond him, [[Anne Boleyn]], who was the, uh, one of H—Henry VIII's… ''King'' Henry VIII's wives, who gave birth to, uh, Queen Elizabeth I, and “Chandler”: the, uh, name—the family name my father had. And, uh, from his, uh, line, uh, we have, uh, from his side of the family, we have the, uh, [[Cherokian Clan|Cherokee blood]]. I'm one-sixteenth. [''inhales sharply''] And from among us Cherokees, there are very few of us left, because we were big in number, but then came along the, uh, forced march on the Trail of Tears, where some of us went into hiding…. Yeah, short line there: ''Cherokees''. We're a respected tribe. We ''should'' be respected. Anyway… even though we were forced onto the Trail of Tears, but that's another—that's another—whole 'nother story. You can go read—you can learn about in your local libraries.

Ahem. My mother and [[Bob Chandler|my father]] are both really nice, old-fashioned-type people who not only gave the birth—[[Chris and sex|gave me birth]] at their ages… which my mother is 66, currently, and my father is currently 80. They both just turned that way in the last couple of months. And, uh, I was born in [[1980s#1982|1982]]. They gave me the birth… then, and, uh, anyway, it was so nice of—for them to give me the, uh, birth during the early 1980s.

I was diagnosed with high-functional autism, and I lived a, uh, somewhat rough life. I've had an [[abusive babysitter]] at one time, [''inhales sharply''] and some of the teachers and principals of [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]]… that I was attending in later years (about, uh, late 1980s, early [[1990s]]) [''inhales sharply''] They abused me—[[Kick the Autistic|they abused me by pinning me to the ground]] with, uh, their ha—with, uh, holding my wrists and my ankles, pinning me down to the ground and—and audio-taping my cries and shouts. But, anyway, my mother and my father, they both fought the court system, the Greene County court system, which, uh, they were not a very nice bunch of people, [[Chris and English|very not]]. Hands down. But, anyway, we eventually moved to Chesterfield County for a nice, better school system. And one teacher in particular, of [[Providence Middle School]], who I would like to give much kudos to, who w—who was—who, uh, let—who not—who not only, uh, let me—who was a good—good, uh, person to go by dur—uh, during my mainstreaming, and she was also the, uh, also a good leader in my learning to cope. I wish to give kudos to [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|Mrs. Virginia Jeanine Sanford]], of Providence Middle School, in Chesterfield County, whose picture is, uh, in the trailer of my [[Christian Weston Chandler...Yep, I'm on TV :)|"CWC on TV" DVD]], which is also on the—the [[YouTube]].

And, after being on [[honor roll]] throughout, uh, Providence Middle and Manchester High, Sonichu was first thought up in my senior year at Ma— [''jump cut''] …along with a nice bunch of teachers backing me up, and my circle of [[gal pal]]s (I mostly had gal—mostly had that circle during my high school years), anyway, after all that, I graduated. I graduated. Then, we moved back to, uh, our old home in Ruckersville, where I attended [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]], and, eventually, I graduated from there, too, with a degree in Computer-Aided Drafting and Design, also known as "CAD/CAM".

And, uh, during my high school years, I was used to being surrounded by… girls… in my circle, and after having to, uh, leave them I felt ''ever so lonesome''. And, after the [[stress]] from some of the people—people at [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]], as well as my mental block [''mimes punching himself in the head''] of autism, it became hard from me to approach gir—approach the girls like I used to. And I would like to point out right now, at this—at, uh—during my—ever since I—ever—during the whole—my whole [[Sweetheart Search]] has started, when I turned 21 on February 24, 2002. Anyway, beyond that date, I ''never have stalked anybody''. ''Never have stalked''. I'm telling you right—I'm telling you right now. All I did was sit around, with a [[sign]] by my side that said I was looking for a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]], 18-25, yadda yadda yadda, all tha— [abrupt jump cut] …page. And I did all that, because I had feared rejection, and the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]], because you cannot tell which ladies are paired up, and which are not. And wedding rings, that's just a whole different story, 'cause they're married, because y—it's not like you give every women a ring who's already paired up. [''long pause''] Well, that's just one perspective. [''inhales sharply''] But, anyway, uh, I did not move from my seat… at all, unless [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|I needed to go use the restroom]]. That's it. Okay? I never moved from my seat while I'm sitting around waiting for the girl to come to me. ‘Cause that's all I'm doing there; I'm just waiting for a girl to come talk to me, 'cause... [''inhales sharply''] like I said, I'm afraid to approach them… at that point.

So please understand: [[Chris and Anger|I am not a violent person]]. [[Megan Saga|I'm decent]]. I come from a [[Borb|caring, loving pair of parents]]. [[Death Threats|I'm kind]]. [[Chris and his Ego|I'm considerate]]. I will respect your [[Megan|space]] [''removes glasses'']—and your feelings—ever so much. [''puts glasses back on and inhales sharply''] And… I apologize for my [[MySpace]] profile, if it appears to reflect anything on the contrary of all that. I apologize that I appear to be a [''puts on a “slow” voice and sways with each word''] [[slow-in-the-minds|slowww-miiinded perrrsonnn]]! [abrupt jump cut] I'm sorry for reflecting any negative feelings towards each of you that have felt them, including those who have had such feelings they have created, uh, demeaning web pages. ''All I ask''—''all I ask'' are those people who are watching this right now, is just… take them down? Please? I'm asking as an innocent victim of misunderstanding, just take down your web pages, or edit them to ''positively'' better reflect my feelings as an individual, as a person… as a man who has suffered, like most everybody in this world that we all live in. [''sighs'']

Thank you very much for li—for your time, and listening, and please remember: I'm a innocent person. Just like most every one of you, I've had my faults, I've had my share of… bad times, and my share of good times. Please understand that.

Thank you again. Take care.

==References==
<references/>

{{Captain's Log}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC is Angry]]|nextlink=[[CWC's Second Message]]|}}
[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2007-11-07]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2007| 2007-11-07]]