CWCki - User contributions [en]

Bob Chandler

2010-02-16T23:03:50Z

Jules Vega:

: ''"'''Bob'''" redirects here. For the troll occasionally known as Bob, see [[Robert Simmons V]].''

'''BOB IS DEAD!!!!!!1111!!!!'''
Bob passed away at 5:52 PM EST time February 16 from a stroke, send Chris your condolences.
GUTEN NACHT SWEET PRINCE

{{quote|Get away from the Internet!
I'm cutting it down, right now.|Bob Chandler, Internet lumberjack}}

[[Image:Chrischansdad.jpg|thumb|Bob is old. He makes sure to let you know that.]]
[[Image:Bob the Lumberjack.jpg|thumb|"Internet Lumberjack"]]

'''Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (04 [[Wikipedia:1927#September|September 1927]]<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html#P155</ref>–February 16, 2010) is [[Chris|Chris's]] father.

Despite being a racist and homophobic redneck, '''Bob''' became a firm favorite with [[trolls]] due to Chris's intense dislike of him and Bob's infamous cameo when [[Bob Walks In|he walked into Chris fapping]]. His nickname, the "Internet Lumberjack", comes from this incident.

While loathed and estranged from his other children and step-child as well, Bob is still viewed as a better parent than his wife [[Barbara]], due to him being somewhat concerned with Chris's current status as a [[virgin with rage]], and occasionally tries to guilt him into being more considerate by bringing up the fact that he's devoted 27 years to raising a selfish manchild. Of course, Chris is unfazed by these attempts.

To date, Bob has conversed with three trolls. Thanks to his tendency to yap on, more information has become known.

==Biography==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|Bob is a pretty "old fashioned" type of guy.]]

===Service and education===

Bob was born in Texas and raised in Alabama.<ref name="About">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#About Bob (7:18 - 16:45)]]</ref>

Bob was drafted after World War II and placed in the Signal Corps. There, he learned how to install valve systems, switchboards, and telephones. When he got out, he couldn't get a job and so went to college on the G.I. Bill.<ref name="About" />

Since he figured he'd get "swallowed up" at a big college, Bob picked a small college to study Pre-Engineering for two years. He was also in a band and learned a lot about music. He then moved onto Auburn University, a big college, to earn his engineering degree.<ref name="About" /> As an engineer, he never learned to spell properly.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#The Date Begins (4:47 - 7:17)]]</ref>

===Career===

Bob worked for Western Electric for 40 years. Using skills learned in the army, he built for the company their first automatic [something] (it's unclear what Bob says here). General Electric heard about it and offered him a job in upstate New York. Since New York is too cold for Bob, he moved away after three years, working in North Carolina for some time.<ref name="About" /> He worked with both Goodrich and Goodyear.<ref name="PSN 37" />

With General Electric, Bob was responsible for at least seven patents. [[Barbara]] claimed, in an e-mail to [[Miyamoto]], that because of Bob's influence in the computer world, the NES "might not have arrived so soon" (despite video game technology actually being pioneered by Ralph Baer).<ref name="Barbara" />

As examples of Bob's accom-PLISH-ments, as Chris would say, he automated a steel mill for rolling steel for cars, a paper mill for papers into the form of Kleenex, warehousing, railroads, and tanker ships. He designed scooters, die casting machines, and machines for producing plastic products.<ref name="About" /> A fact that both Chris and Barbara have bragged about is that Bob designed controls for plastic water [container] molding machines...<ref name="About" /><ref name="Barbara">[[Miyamoto Saga#Barbara]]</ref>

===World consciousness===
[[Image:0012-BobbyReading.jpg|thumb|Bob learning how to cut that Internet down.]]

...on the other hand, Bob himself is proud of his "natural inclination for logic," although he is "inundated" by all his designs and whether he did good for the world.<ref name="About" />

Speaking of the world, Bob has been interested in it since he was 10, and has become very world conscious as a believer in the United Nations. He began by collecting foreign stamps in the 1930s. He has collected 15,000–20,000 LPs from various genres and cultures.<ref name="PSN 37" /> Bob traveled the world in his day for business and [[china|pleasure]].

In a potentially damaging moment on 18 [[February 2009]], Bob doubted the existence of [[Molvanîa]], [[Julie]]'s fictional country of origin.<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]</ref> However, he continued talking under the assumption that Molvanîa was under Russian control.<ref name="PSN 37">[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref>

===Health and late life===
[[Image:LumberjackTapestry.JPG|thumb|Robert had English ancestry.]]

Bob has had two triple bypasses and four heart attacks. He wears a pacemaker. He attributes his long life to all the [[Cherokee]] in him. His uncles and grandfather all lived to 90-100.<ref name="PSN 37" />

Bob lives on social security and General Electric pension.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref> He hasn't really had people to chat with (he loves to ramble if the person shows some slight interest), so he sits around, listens to music,<ref name="PSN 37" /> and takes care of the garden inside the greenhouse. With a 1970s stereo system set up in the greenhouse, he goes to "swing with the music" on his swing there.<ref name="Raising" />

A major question in the troll community is what will happen if and when Bob dies before Barbara.

==Relationships==

===Previous family===

Bob is out of contact<ref name="Cole2">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> with his son [[David Alan Chandler]] and daughter [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]], who both lead successful careers. For example, Chris did not know he had a niece named [[Savannah Chandler|Savannah]] until she was 8 years old.<ref>[[CWC's Diary#January 2004]]</ref>

===Barbara===
[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|With [[barbara Chandler|Barb]]]]

To continue with the music theme, Bob and [[Barbara]] met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." This is probably why he figures that he could get away with being passive in terms of courtship. In contrast, [[Cole|Cole's]] friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref name="Cole2" /> They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara has not had sex with [[Bob]] for at least two decades. They have been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref> This is possibly due to an attempt to avoid spawning another subhuman freak like Chris.

===Cole===

Bob married Barbara when her son [[Cole]] was 17, around the time Cole left to lead his own life.

Cole feels that Bob's bitterness worked to separate his relationship with his mother. Cole will celebrate<ref name="Cole2">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> "when that fuck Bob finally drops."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|Email from Cole to Chris]]</ref> Cole said that he and Bob share a mutual hatred,<ref name="Cole2" /> though we have no evidence yet that Bob hates Cole. In the least, it is certain that Bob knows Cole doesn't like him.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>

===Chris===
[[Image:0106-ChristianWDad.jpg|thumb|"You tell them that you fell down some stairs or else I'm cutting down your Nintendo."]]

Bob wishes Chris was more interested in the world. He tried to teach Chris, but he thinks (and rightly so) that Chris doesn't understand countries and continents beyond what he's seen on TV, and only can associate with the places he's been in Virginia.<ref name="PSN 37" />

Bob's joke that [[Barack Obama]] would paint the White House black as soon as he became president influenced Chris to draw it in ''[[Sonichu 8]]''.

{{quote|well, my father is a major stressor against me; starts arguements[sic], annoys me, rarely washes his hands after restroom breaks (lord knows I've tried to encourage him to wash numerous time, and rarely succeeded.|Chris, [[IRC (31 December 2008)]]}}

After meeting with Bob personally and finding him to be quite pleasant and amicable, it became obvious that he wasn't "starting arguments", as Chris asserts, but rather most likely rightfully criticizing Chris's behaviors and encouraging to better himself, which would involve work, and Chris is too lazy to do that. It has been reported Bob will mention to him that he has taken care of his autistic ass for 27 years and so Chris should be more grateful. But selfish and apathetic Chris couldn't give two shits, figuring that they're ''obligated'' as parents to take care of his autistic ass, seeing no reason he should demonstrate any foreign concepts like "love", "support", "gratitude", and "willingness to help".

Chris has said specifically that he doesn't have to love his father, but has to respect him.'''<ref>[[Mumble 1#Transcript|Mumble Chat 1]]</ref>

==Audio and video appearances==

In every appearance, Bob has proved himself to be better at charming Chris's [[sweetheart]]s than Chris himself.

* 14 [[February 2009]]: [[Bob Walks In]] to Chris [[mass debating]].
* 18 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]] and [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|3.7]], Bob rambles to [[Julie]].
* 15 [[March 2009]]: Bob talked to [[Robert Simmons V]] at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] while [[Church audio|Chris went to shit himself]].
* [[March 2009]]: Bob chaperoned Chris on his date with [[Emily]].
* 27 [[March 2009]]: Bob gets intruded by Chris in the [[Tour of Christian's House]], but is not visible.
* 27 [[August 2009]]: [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|Bob enters Chris's room]] and scolds him for making the [[Tour of Christian's House|video]], (correctly) fearing that if someone saw the house as it was, they would be evicted (Uncut version only). This is a momentous occasion that shows some self-awareness in the fact that the Chandlers do, in fact, realize the filth and squalor they live in is a health hazard. This video alone sets off an influx of emails and calls to the Greene County Health Department, in the hopes of confirming Bob's fear of eviction.
* [[November 2009]]: Bob and [[Barb|Snorlax]] make a brief appearance at the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:0009-ChristopherChristmas2.jpg
Image:0011-ChristopherBobXmas.jpg|Bob at [[Christmas]] time.
Image:0014-YoungerFather.jpg
Image:0032-BobAtRestraunt.jpg|The epitome of handsome.
Image:0038-AuntCorinaAndDad.jpg|Bob with [[Aunt Corina]].
Image:0062-NewChristian&Dad.jpg|Notice Chris's discomfort.
Image:0120-BobbyBehindBars.jpg|Bob won't let a fence get in the way of cutting down Chris's Internet.
Image:0230-ChristianAndDadInClass.jpg|Bob: fashion icon.
Image:0626-BobbyInGarden.jpg|When Bob isn't arguing with Chris or cutting down his Internet, he enjoys gardening.
</gallery>
</center>
===Fan art===
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Bob Chandler by spoonorca.png
Image:Gospel Robert Chandler.jpg|The Gospel of Bob
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references />

{{People}}
{{Not_Jerks}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Bob}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Bob Chandler

2010-02-16T22:58:39Z

Jules Vega:

: ''"'''Bob'''" redirects here. For the troll occasionally known as Bob, see [[Robert Simmons V]].''

'''BOB IS DEAD!!!!!!1111!!!!'''

{{quote|Get away from the Internet!
I'm cutting it down, right now.|Bob Chandler, Internet lumberjack}}

[[Image:Chrischansdad.jpg|thumb|Bob is old. He makes sure to let you know that.]]
[[Image:Bob the Lumberjack.jpg|thumb|"Internet Lumberjack"]]

'''Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (04 [[Wikipedia:1927#September|September 1927]]<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html#P155</ref>–February 16, 2010) is [[Chris|Chris's]] father.

Despite being a racist and homophobic redneck, '''Bob''' became a firm favorite with [[trolls]] due to Chris's intense dislike of him and Bob's infamous cameo when [[Bob Walks In|he walked into Chris fapping]]. His nickname, the "Internet Lumberjack", comes from this incident.

While loathed and estranged from his other children and step-child as well, Bob is still viewed as a better parent than his wife [[Barbara]], due to him being somewhat concerned with Chris's current status as a [[virgin with rage]], and occasionally tries to guilt him into being more considerate by bringing up the fact that he's devoted 27 years to raising a selfish manchild. Of course, Chris is unfazed by these attempts.

To date, Bob has conversed with three trolls. Thanks to his tendency to yap on, more information has become known.

==Biography==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|Bob is a pretty "old fashioned" type of guy.]]

===Service and education===

Bob was born in Texas and raised in Alabama.<ref name="About">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#About Bob (7:18 - 16:45)]]</ref>

Bob was drafted after World War II and placed in the Signal Corps. There, he learned how to install valve systems, switchboards, and telephones. When he got out, he couldn't get a job and so went to college on the G.I. Bill.<ref name="About" />

Since he figured he'd get "swallowed up" at a big college, Bob picked a small college to study Pre-Engineering for two years. He was also in a band and learned a lot about music. He then moved onto Auburn University, a big college, to earn his engineering degree.<ref name="About" /> As an engineer, he never learned to spell properly.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#The Date Begins (4:47 - 7:17)]]</ref>

===Career===

Bob worked for Western Electric for 40 years. Using skills learned in the army, he built for the company their first automatic [something] (it's unclear what Bob says here). General Electric heard about it and offered him a job in upstate New York. Since New York is too cold for Bob, he moved away after three years, working in North Carolina for some time.<ref name="About" /> He worked with both Goodrich and Goodyear.<ref name="PSN 37" />

With General Electric, Bob was responsible for at least seven patents. [[Barbara]] claimed, in an e-mail to [[Miyamoto]], that because of Bob's influence in the computer world, the NES "might not have arrived so soon" (despite video game technology actually being pioneered by Ralph Baer).<ref name="Barbara" />

As examples of Bob's accom-PLISH-ments, as Chris would say, he automated a steel mill for rolling steel for cars, a paper mill for papers into the form of Kleenex, warehousing, railroads, and tanker ships. He designed scooters, die casting machines, and machines for producing plastic products.<ref name="About" /> A fact that both Chris and Barbara have bragged about is that Bob designed controls for plastic water [container] molding machines...<ref name="About" /><ref name="Barbara">[[Miyamoto Saga#Barbara]]</ref>

===World consciousness===
[[Image:0012-BobbyReading.jpg|thumb|Bob learning how to cut that Internet down.]]

...on the other hand, Bob himself is proud of his "natural inclination for logic," although he is "inundated" by all his designs and whether he did good for the world.<ref name="About" />

Speaking of the world, Bob has been interested in it since he was 10, and has become very world conscious as a believer in the United Nations. He began by collecting foreign stamps in the 1930s. He has collected 15,000–20,000 LPs from various genres and cultures.<ref name="PSN 37" /> Bob traveled the world in his day for business and [[china|pleasure]].

In a potentially damaging moment on 18 [[February 2009]], Bob doubted the existence of [[Molvanîa]], [[Julie]]'s fictional country of origin.<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]</ref> However, he continued talking under the assumption that Molvanîa was under Russian control.<ref name="PSN 37">[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref>

===Health and late life===
[[Image:LumberjackTapestry.JPG|thumb|Robert had English ancestry.]]

Bob has had two triple bypasses and four heart attacks. He wears a pacemaker. He attributes his long life to all the [[Cherokee]] in him. His uncles and grandfather all lived to 90-100.<ref name="PSN 37" />

Bob lives on social security and General Electric pension.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref> He hasn't really had people to chat with (he loves to ramble if the person shows some slight interest), so he sits around, listens to music,<ref name="PSN 37" /> and takes care of the garden inside the greenhouse. With a 1970s stereo system set up in the greenhouse, he goes to "swing with the music" on his swing there.<ref name="Raising" />

A major question in the troll community is what will happen if and when Bob dies before Barbara.

==Relationships==

===Previous family===

Bob is out of contact<ref name="Cole2">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> with his son [[David Alan Chandler]] and daughter [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]], who both lead successful careers. For example, Chris did not know he had a niece named [[Savannah Chandler|Savannah]] until she was 8 years old.<ref>[[CWC's Diary#January 2004]]</ref>

===Barbara===
[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|With [[barbara Chandler|Barb]]]]

To continue with the music theme, Bob and [[Barbara]] met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." This is probably why he figures that he could get away with being passive in terms of courtship. In contrast, [[Cole|Cole's]] friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref name="Cole2" /> They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara has not had sex with [[Bob]] for at least two decades. They have been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref> This is possibly due to an attempt to avoid spawning another subhuman freak like Chris.

===Cole===

Bob married Barbara when her son [[Cole]] was 17, around the time Cole left to lead his own life.

Cole feels that Bob's bitterness worked to separate his relationship with his mother. Cole will celebrate<ref name="Cole2">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> "when that fuck Bob finally drops."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|Email from Cole to Chris]]</ref> Cole said that he and Bob share a mutual hatred,<ref name="Cole2" /> though we have no evidence yet that Bob hates Cole. In the least, it is certain that Bob knows Cole doesn't like him.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>

===Chris===
[[Image:0106-ChristianWDad.jpg|thumb|"You tell them that you fell down some stairs or else I'm cutting down your Nintendo."]]

Bob wishes Chris was more interested in the world. He tried to teach Chris, but he thinks (and rightly so) that Chris doesn't understand countries and continents beyond what he's seen on TV, and only can associate with the places he's been in Virginia.<ref name="PSN 37" />

Bob's joke that [[Barack Obama]] would paint the White House black as soon as he became president influenced Chris to draw it in ''[[Sonichu 8]]''.

{{quote|well, my father is a major stressor against me; starts arguements[sic], annoys me, rarely washes his hands after restroom breaks (lord knows I've tried to encourage him to wash numerous time, and rarely succeeded.|Chris, [[IRC (31 December 2008)]]}}

After meeting with Bob personally and finding him to be quite pleasant and amicable, it became obvious that he wasn't "starting arguments", as Chris asserts, but rather most likely rightfully criticizing Chris's behaviors and encouraging to better himself, which would involve work, and Chris is too lazy to do that. It has been reported Bob will mention to him that he has taken care of his autistic ass for 27 years and so Chris should be more grateful. But selfish and apathetic Chris couldn't give two shits, figuring that they're ''obligated'' as parents to take care of his autistic ass, seeing no reason he should demonstrate any foreign concepts like "love", "support", "gratitude", and "willingness to help".

Chris has said specifically that he doesn't have to love his father, but has to respect him.'''<ref>[[Mumble 1#Transcript|Mumble Chat 1]]</ref>

==Audio and video appearances==

In every appearance, Bob has proved himself to be better at charming Chris's [[sweetheart]]s than Chris himself.

* 14 [[February 2009]]: [[Bob Walks In]] to Chris [[mass debating]].
* 18 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]] and [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|3.7]], Bob rambles to [[Julie]].
* 15 [[March 2009]]: Bob talked to [[Robert Simmons V]] at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] while [[Church audio|Chris went to shit himself]].
* [[March 2009]]: Bob chaperoned Chris on his date with [[Emily]].
* 27 [[March 2009]]: Bob gets intruded by Chris in the [[Tour of Christian's House]], but is not visible.
* 27 [[August 2009]]: [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|Bob enters Chris's room]] and scolds him for making the [[Tour of Christian's House|video]], (correctly) fearing that if someone saw the house as it was, they would be evicted (Uncut version only). This is a momentous occasion that shows some self-awareness in the fact that the Chandlers do, in fact, realize the filth and squalor they live in is a health hazard. This video alone sets off an influx of emails and calls to the Greene County Health Department, in the hopes of confirming Bob's fear of eviction.
* [[November 2009]]: Bob and [[Barb|Snorlax]] make a brief appearance at the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:0009-ChristopherChristmas2.jpg
Image:0011-ChristopherBobXmas.jpg|Bob at [[Christmas]] time.
Image:0014-YoungerFather.jpg
Image:0032-BobAtRestraunt.jpg|The epitome of handsome.
Image:0038-AuntCorinaAndDad.jpg|Bob with [[Aunt Corina]].
Image:0062-NewChristian&Dad.jpg|Notice Chris's discomfort.
Image:0120-BobbyBehindBars.jpg|Bob won't let a fence get in the way of cutting down Chris's Internet.
Image:0230-ChristianAndDadInClass.jpg|Bob: fashion icon.
Image:0626-BobbyInGarden.jpg|When Bob isn't arguing with Chris or cutting down his Internet, he enjoys gardening.
</gallery>
</center>
===Fan art===
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Bob Chandler by spoonorca.png
Image:Gospel Robert Chandler.jpg|The Gospel of Bob
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references />

{{People}}
{{Not_Jerks}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Bob}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Bob Chandler

2010-02-16T22:56:59Z

Jules Vega:

: ''"'''Bob'''" redirects here. For the troll occasionally known as Bob, see [[Robert Simmons V]].''

== BOB IS DEAD!!!!!!1111!!!! ==

{{quote|Get away from the Internet!
I'm cutting it down, right now.|Bob Chandler, Internet lumberjack}}

[[Image:Chrischansdad.jpg|thumb|Bob is old. He makes sure to let you know that.]]
[[Image:Bob the Lumberjack.jpg|thumb|"Internet Lumberjack"]]

'''Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (04 [[Wikipedia:1927#September|September 1927]]<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html#P155</ref>–February 16, 2010) is [[Chris|Chris's]] father.

Despite being a racist and homophobic redneck, '''Bob''' became a firm favorite with [[trolls]] due to Chris's intense dislike of him and Bob's infamous cameo when [[Bob Walks In|he walked into Chris fapping]]. His nickname, the "Internet Lumberjack", comes from this incident.

While loathed and estranged from his other children and step-child as well, Bob is still viewed as a better parent than his wife [[Barbara]], due to him being somewhat concerned with Chris's current status as a [[virgin with rage]], and occasionally tries to guilt him into being more considerate by bringing up the fact that he's devoted 27 years to raising a selfish manchild. Of course, Chris is unfazed by these attempts.

To date, Bob has conversed with three trolls. Thanks to his tendency to yap on, more information has become known.

==Biography==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|Bob is a pretty "old fashioned" type of guy.]]

===Service and education===

Bob was born in Texas and raised in Alabama.<ref name="About">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#About Bob (7:18 - 16:45)]]</ref>

Bob was drafted after World War II and placed in the Signal Corps. There, he learned how to install valve systems, switchboards, and telephones. When he got out, he couldn't get a job and so went to college on the G.I. Bill.<ref name="About" />

Since he figured he'd get "swallowed up" at a big college, Bob picked a small college to study Pre-Engineering for two years. He was also in a band and learned a lot about music. He then moved onto Auburn University, a big college, to earn his engineering degree.<ref name="About" /> As an engineer, he never learned to spell properly.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#The Date Begins (4:47 - 7:17)]]</ref>

===Career===

Bob worked for Western Electric for 40 years. Using skills learned in the army, he built for the company their first automatic [something] (it's unclear what Bob says here). General Electric heard about it and offered him a job in upstate New York. Since New York is too cold for Bob, he moved away after three years, working in North Carolina for some time.<ref name="About" /> He worked with both Goodrich and Goodyear.<ref name="PSN 37" />

With General Electric, Bob was responsible for at least seven patents. [[Barbara]] claimed, in an e-mail to [[Miyamoto]], that because of Bob's influence in the computer world, the NES "might not have arrived so soon" (despite video game technology actually being pioneered by Ralph Baer).<ref name="Barbara" />

As examples of Bob's accom-PLISH-ments, as Chris would say, he automated a steel mill for rolling steel for cars, a paper mill for papers into the form of Kleenex, warehousing, railroads, and tanker ships. He designed scooters, die casting machines, and machines for producing plastic products.<ref name="About" /> A fact that both Chris and Barbara have bragged about is that Bob designed controls for plastic water [container] molding machines...<ref name="About" /><ref name="Barbara">[[Miyamoto Saga#Barbara]]</ref>

===World consciousness===
[[Image:0012-BobbyReading.jpg|thumb|Bob learning how to cut that Internet down.]]

...on the other hand, Bob himself is proud of his "natural inclination for logic," although he is "inundated" by all his designs and whether he did good for the world.<ref name="About" />

Speaking of the world, Bob has been interested in it since he was 10, and has become very world conscious as a believer in the United Nations. He began by collecting foreign stamps in the 1930s. He has collected 15,000–20,000 LPs from various genres and cultures.<ref name="PSN 37" /> Bob traveled the world in his day for business and [[china|pleasure]].

In a potentially damaging moment on 18 [[February 2009]], Bob doubted the existence of [[Molvanîa]], [[Julie]]'s fictional country of origin.<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]</ref> However, he continued talking under the assumption that Molvanîa was under Russian control.<ref name="PSN 37">[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref>

===Health and late life===
[[Image:LumberjackTapestry.JPG|thumb|Robert had English ancestry.]]

Bob has had two triple bypasses and four heart attacks. He wears a pacemaker. He attributes his long life to all the [[Cherokee]] in him. His uncles and grandfather all lived to 90-100.<ref name="PSN 37" />

Bob lives on social security and General Electric pension.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref> He hasn't really had people to chat with (he loves to ramble if the person shows some slight interest), so he sits around, listens to music,<ref name="PSN 37" /> and takes care of the garden inside the greenhouse. With a 1970s stereo system set up in the greenhouse, he goes to "swing with the music" on his swing there.<ref name="Raising" />

A major question in the troll community is what will happen if and when Bob dies before Barbara.

==Relationships==

===Previous family===

Bob is out of contact<ref name="Cole2">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> with his son [[David Alan Chandler]] and daughter [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]], who both lead successful careers. For example, Chris did not know he had a niece named [[Savannah Chandler|Savannah]] until she was 8 years old.<ref>[[CWC's Diary#January 2004]]</ref>

===Barbara===
[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|With [[barbara Chandler|Barb]]]]

To continue with the music theme, Bob and [[Barbara]] met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." This is probably why he figures that he could get away with being passive in terms of courtship. In contrast, [[Cole|Cole's]] friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref name="Cole2" /> They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara has not had sex with [[Bob]] for at least two decades. They have been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref> This is possibly due to an attempt to avoid spawning another subhuman freak like Chris.

===Cole===

Bob married Barbara when her son [[Cole]] was 17, around the time Cole left to lead his own life.

Cole feels that Bob's bitterness worked to separate his relationship with his mother. Cole will celebrate<ref name="Cole2">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> "when that fuck Bob finally drops."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|Email from Cole to Chris]]</ref> Cole said that he and Bob share a mutual hatred,<ref name="Cole2" /> though we have no evidence yet that Bob hates Cole. In the least, it is certain that Bob knows Cole doesn't like him.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>

===Chris===
[[Image:0106-ChristianWDad.jpg|thumb|"You tell them that you fell down some stairs or else I'm cutting down your Nintendo."]]

Bob wishes Chris was more interested in the world. He tried to teach Chris, but he thinks (and rightly so) that Chris doesn't understand countries and continents beyond what he's seen on TV, and only can associate with the places he's been in Virginia.<ref name="PSN 37" />

Bob's joke that [[Barack Obama]] would paint the White House black as soon as he became president influenced Chris to draw it in ''[[Sonichu 8]]''.

{{quote|well, my father is a major stressor against me; starts arguements[sic], annoys me, rarely washes his hands after restroom breaks (lord knows I've tried to encourage him to wash numerous time, and rarely succeeded.|Chris, [[IRC (31 December 2008)]]}}

After meeting with Bob personally and finding him to be quite pleasant and amicable, it became obvious that he wasn't "starting arguments", as Chris asserts, but rather most likely rightfully criticizing Chris's behaviors and encouraging to better himself, which would involve work, and Chris is too lazy to do that. It has been reported Bob will mention to him that he has taken care of his autistic ass for 27 years and so Chris should be more grateful. But selfish and apathetic Chris couldn't give two shits, figuring that they're ''obligated'' as parents to take care of his autistic ass, seeing no reason he should demonstrate any foreign concepts like "love", "support", "gratitude", and "willingness to help".

Chris has said specifically that he doesn't have to love his father, but has to respect him.'''<ref>[[Mumble 1#Transcript|Mumble Chat 1]]</ref>

==Audio and video appearances==

In every appearance, Bob has proved himself to be better at charming Chris's [[sweetheart]]s than Chris himself.

* 14 [[February 2009]]: [[Bob Walks In]] to Chris [[mass debating]].
* 18 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]] and [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|3.7]], Bob rambles to [[Julie]].
* 15 [[March 2009]]: Bob talked to [[Robert Simmons V]] at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] while [[Church audio|Chris went to shit himself]].
* [[March 2009]]: Bob chaperoned Chris on his date with [[Emily]].
* 27 [[March 2009]]: Bob gets intruded by Chris in the [[Tour of Christian's House]], but is not visible.
* 27 [[August 2009]]: [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|Bob enters Chris's room]] and scolds him for making the [[Tour of Christian's House|video]], (correctly) fearing that if someone saw the house as it was, they would be evicted (Uncut version only). This is a momentous occasion that shows some self-awareness in the fact that the Chandlers do, in fact, realize the filth and squalor they live in is a health hazard. This video alone sets off an influx of emails and calls to the Greene County Health Department, in the hopes of confirming Bob's fear of eviction.
* [[November 2009]]: Bob and [[Barb|Snorlax]] make a brief appearance at the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:0009-ChristopherChristmas2.jpg
Image:0011-ChristopherBobXmas.jpg|Bob at [[Christmas]] time.
Image:0014-YoungerFather.jpg
Image:0032-BobAtRestraunt.jpg|The epitome of handsome.
Image:0038-AuntCorinaAndDad.jpg|Bob with [[Aunt Corina]].
Image:0062-NewChristian&Dad.jpg|Notice Chris's discomfort.
Image:0120-BobbyBehindBars.jpg|Bob won't let a fence get in the way of cutting down Chris's Internet.
Image:0230-ChristianAndDadInClass.jpg|Bob: fashion icon.
Image:0626-BobbyInGarden.jpg|When Bob isn't arguing with Chris or cutting down his Internet, he enjoys gardening.
</gallery>
</center>
===Fan art===
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Bob Chandler by spoonorca.png
Image:Gospel Robert Chandler.jpg|The Gospel of Bob
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references />

{{People}}
{{Not_Jerks}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Bob}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Jack Thaddeus

2010-02-16T22:29:55Z

Jules Vega:

[[Image:jacktochris.jpg|thumb|This is what Chris actually believes.]][[Image:stevebuscemi.jpeg|thumb|What Jack actually looks like.]]
'''Jack Thaddeus''' (D.O.B. unknown) is a [[troll]] who is the possible successor of [[Clyde Cash]] and is responsible for various [[PS3#PlayStation Network|PSN]]-related trollings with [[Chris]].

The events surrounding the appearance of Jack are shrouded in mystery. Who he is, what his goals are, and with whom he is aligned are all unknowns. It is hoped that, in time, these questions will be answered as Jack emerges from the shadow of his predecessor Clyde Cash.

==PSN hax==
What is known about Jack thus far, was his sweeping victory in the seizure of multiple Chris PSN accounts, using them to blackmail Chris into [[Chris humps his PS3|dry-humping his PS3]] and [[It's UGH!|singing the song "It's Okay to be Gay"]]. Unimpressed by Chris' performance, he deleted them for the good of mankind.

It is possible that Jack is not alone in his endeavors. Chris has referenced a "Samantha," who possibly worked under the alias of "[[Billy Mays|Oxyclean]] Fanatic," in the videos mentioned previously. This could stem either from Chris's [[autism|stupidity]] or from the presence of a co-conspirator in the trollings.

==CWCipedia advertisements==
[[Image:Gay&PickleAds.JPG|thumb|right|Jack's ads.]]
In [[November 2009]], Jack allegedly purchased advertising space on the [[CWCipedia]]. One banner ad linked to a [[gay]] rights website (noting that the creator and hero of ''[[Family Guy]]'' both support gay rights, and using the hated word "[[naïve]]"), while another advertised Mexican vacations using an anthropomorphic [[pickle|cactus]] mascot.

Chris was incensed by the desecration of his wiki and [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence|demanded that the ads be removed]]. Upon being told that Thaddeus was responsible, Chris declared "[[Kill De Jack|I'll deal with him myself]]." Whatever measures he took, though, they didn't do much good, because the original ads were soon joined by many new banners featuring pickles, [[homos]], and other things Chris hates and fears. These ads will stay for a long time since Jack, a gentle and generous soul, rented all the ads-space up to the end of [[2010]][http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/User_talk:ChrisChanSonichu#Do_NOT_tamper_with_the_advertisements].

==In the Comics==
Jack makes his first full appearance in [[Sonichu 10]] as the 4-cent_garbage building is collapsing. When [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] escapes, he condemns him and [[Clyde Cash]] for being homo trolls. When Beel escapes, he, too, condemns the two for their actions, saying that being homo trolls that are "slandering and tarnishing a innocent man's good name" is just as evil as being an assistant for [[Christian Weston Chandler|Adolf Hitler]]. With no option left, Clyde and Jack jump into the 66+6 story elevator shaft to their suicidal deaths.

==See also==
*[[Bryan Bash]]
*[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call]]
*[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 2]]
*[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3]]

{{Trolls}}

[[Category:Trolls]]

Jack Thaddeus

2010-02-16T22:29:17Z

Jules Vega:

[[Image:jacktochris.jpg|thumb|This is what Chris actually believes.]][[Image:jac.jpeg|thumb|What Jack actually looks like.]]
'''Jack Thaddeus''' (D.O.B. unknown) is a [[troll]] who is the possible successor of [[Clyde Cash]] and is responsible for various [[PS3#PlayStation Network|PSN]]-related trollings with [[Chris]].

The events surrounding the appearance of Jack are shrouded in mystery. Who he is, what his goals are, and with whom he is aligned are all unknowns. It is hoped that, in time, these questions will be answered as Jack emerges from the shadow of his predecessor Clyde Cash.

==PSN hax==
What is known about Jack thus far, was his sweeping victory in the seizure of multiple Chris PSN accounts, using them to blackmail Chris into [[Chris humps his PS3|dry-humping his PS3]] and [[It's UGH!|singing the song "It's Okay to be Gay"]]. Unimpressed by Chris' performance, he deleted them for the good of mankind.

It is possible that Jack is not alone in his endeavors. Chris has referenced a "Samantha," who possibly worked under the alias of "[[Billy Mays|Oxyclean]] Fanatic," in the videos mentioned previously. This could stem either from Chris's [[autism|stupidity]] or from the presence of a co-conspirator in the trollings.

==CWCipedia advertisements==
[[Image:Gay&PickleAds.JPG|thumb|right|Jack's ads.]]
In [[November 2009]], Jack allegedly purchased advertising space on the [[CWCipedia]]. One banner ad linked to a [[gay]] rights website (noting that the creator and hero of ''[[Family Guy]]'' both support gay rights, and using the hated word "[[naïve]]"), while another advertised Mexican vacations using an anthropomorphic [[pickle|cactus]] mascot.

Chris was incensed by the desecration of his wiki and [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence|demanded that the ads be removed]]. Upon being told that Thaddeus was responsible, Chris declared "[[Kill De Jack|I'll deal with him myself]]." Whatever measures he took, though, they didn't do much good, because the original ads were soon joined by many new banners featuring pickles, [[homos]], and other things Chris hates and fears. These ads will stay for a long time since Jack, a gentle and generous soul, rented all the ads-space up to the end of [[2010]][http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/User_talk:ChrisChanSonichu#Do_NOT_tamper_with_the_advertisements].

==In the Comics==
Jack makes his first full appearance in [[Sonichu 10]] as the 4-cent_garbage building is collapsing. When [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] escapes, he condemns him and [[Clyde Cash]] for being homo trolls. When Beel escapes, he, too, condemns the two for their actions, saying that being homo trolls that are "slandering and tarnishing a innocent man's good name" is just as evil as being an assistant for [[Christian Weston Chandler|Adolf Hitler]]. With no option left, Clyde and Jack jump into the 66+6 story elevator shaft to their suicidal deaths.

==See also==
*[[Bryan Bash]]
*[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call]]
*[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 2]]
*[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3]]

{{Trolls}}

[[Category:Trolls]]

Jack Thaddeus

2010-02-16T22:28:39Z

Jules Vega:

[[Image:jacktochris.jpg|thumb|This is what Chris actually believes.]][[Image:stevebuscemi.jpg|thumb|What Jack actually looks like.]]
'''Jack Thaddeus''' (D.O.B. unknown) is a [[troll]] who is the possible successor of [[Clyde Cash]] and is responsible for various [[PS3#PlayStation Network|PSN]]-related trollings with [[Chris]].

The events surrounding the appearance of Jack are shrouded in mystery. Who he is, what his goals are, and with whom he is aligned are all unknowns. It is hoped that, in time, these questions will be answered as Jack emerges from the shadow of his predecessor Clyde Cash.

==PSN hax==
What is known about Jack thus far, was his sweeping victory in the seizure of multiple Chris PSN accounts, using them to blackmail Chris into [[Chris humps his PS3|dry-humping his PS3]] and [[It's UGH!|singing the song "It's Okay to be Gay"]]. Unimpressed by Chris' performance, he deleted them for the good of mankind.

It is possible that Jack is not alone in his endeavors. Chris has referenced a "Samantha," who possibly worked under the alias of "[[Billy Mays|Oxyclean]] Fanatic," in the videos mentioned previously. This could stem either from Chris's [[autism|stupidity]] or from the presence of a co-conspirator in the trollings.

==CWCipedia advertisements==
[[Image:Gay&PickleAds.JPG|thumb|right|Jack's ads.]]
In [[November 2009]], Jack allegedly purchased advertising space on the [[CWCipedia]]. One banner ad linked to a [[gay]] rights website (noting that the creator and hero of ''[[Family Guy]]'' both support gay rights, and using the hated word "[[naïve]]"), while another advertised Mexican vacations using an anthropomorphic [[pickle|cactus]] mascot.

Chris was incensed by the desecration of his wiki and [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence|demanded that the ads be removed]]. Upon being told that Thaddeus was responsible, Chris declared "[[Kill De Jack|I'll deal with him myself]]." Whatever measures he took, though, they didn't do much good, because the original ads were soon joined by many new banners featuring pickles, [[homos]], and other things Chris hates and fears. These ads will stay for a long time since Jack, a gentle and generous soul, rented all the ads-space up to the end of [[2010]][http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/User_talk:ChrisChanSonichu#Do_NOT_tamper_with_the_advertisements].

==In the Comics==
Jack makes his first full appearance in [[Sonichu 10]] as the 4-cent_garbage building is collapsing. When [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] escapes, he condemns him and [[Clyde Cash]] for being homo trolls. When Beel escapes, he, too, condemns the two for their actions, saying that being homo trolls that are "slandering and tarnishing a innocent man's good name" is just as evil as being an assistant for [[Christian Weston Chandler|Adolf Hitler]]. With no option left, Clyde and Jack jump into the 66+6 story elevator shaft to their suicidal deaths.

==See also==
*[[Bryan Bash]]
*[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call]]
*[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 2]]
*[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3]]

{{Trolls}}

[[Category:Trolls]]

Jack Thaddeus

2010-02-16T22:24:56Z

Jules Vega:

[[Image:jacktochris.jpg|thumb|This is what Chris actually believes.]][[Image:http://artfiles.art.com/images/-/Steve-Buscemi---Reservoir-Dogs-Photograph-C10101789.jpeg|thumb|What Jack actually looks like.]]
'''Jack Thaddeus''' (D.O.B. unknown) is a [[troll]] who is the possible successor of [[Clyde Cash]] and is responsible for various [[PS3#PlayStation Network|PSN]]-related trollings with [[Chris]].

The events surrounding the appearance of Jack are shrouded in mystery. Who he is, what his goals are, and with whom he is aligned are all unknowns. It is hoped that, in time, these questions will be answered as Jack emerges from the shadow of his predecessor Clyde Cash.

==PSN hax==
What is known about Jack thus far, was his sweeping victory in the seizure of multiple Chris PSN accounts, using them to blackmail Chris into [[Chris humps his PS3|dry-humping his PS3]] and [[It's UGH!|singing the song "It's Okay to be Gay"]]. Unimpressed by Chris' performance, he deleted them for the good of mankind.

It is possible that Jack is not alone in his endeavors. Chris has referenced a "Samantha," who possibly worked under the alias of "[[Billy Mays|Oxyclean]] Fanatic," in the videos mentioned previously. This could stem either from Chris's [[autism|stupidity]] or from the presence of a co-conspirator in the trollings.

==CWCipedia advertisements==
[[Image:Gay&PickleAds.JPG|thumb|right|Jack's ads.]]
In [[November 2009]], Jack allegedly purchased advertising space on the [[CWCipedia]]. One banner ad linked to a [[gay]] rights website (noting that the creator and hero of ''[[Family Guy]]'' both support gay rights, and using the hated word "[[naïve]]"), while another advertised Mexican vacations using an anthropomorphic [[pickle|cactus]] mascot.

Chris was incensed by the desecration of his wiki and [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence|demanded that the ads be removed]]. Upon being told that Thaddeus was responsible, Chris declared "[[Kill De Jack|I'll deal with him myself]]." Whatever measures he took, though, they didn't do much good, because the original ads were soon joined by many new banners featuring pickles, [[homos]], and other things Chris hates and fears. These ads will stay for a long time since Jack, a gentle and generous soul, rented all the ads-space up to the end of [[2010]][http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/User_talk:ChrisChanSonichu#Do_NOT_tamper_with_the_advertisements].

==In the Comics==
Jack makes his first full appearance in [[Sonichu 10]] as the 4-cent_garbage building is collapsing. When [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] escapes, he condemns him and [[Clyde Cash]] for being homo trolls. When Beel escapes, he, too, condemns the two for their actions, saying that being homo trolls that are "slandering and tarnishing a innocent man's good name" is just as evil as being an assistant for [[Christian Weston Chandler|Adolf Hitler]]. With no option left, Clyde and Jack jump into the 66+6 story elevator shaft to their suicidal deaths.

==See also==
*[[Bryan Bash]]
*[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call]]
*[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 2]]
*[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3]]

{{Trolls}}

[[Category:Trolls]]

Son-Chu

2010-02-16T04:24:04Z

Jules Vega:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[Image:Chrischanscar.jpg|thumb|200px|When you see it, you'll ZAP TO THE EXTREME!]]
[[Image:License.jpg|Much like James Bond, Chris also has a license to kill (though through his ineptitude in operating a 3-ton mobile weapon)|thumb]]
'''Son-Chu''' (aka '''The Sonichu Mobile''') is Chris's [[1994]] [[Wikipedia:Ford Escort (North America)|Ford Escort]] [[Wikipedia:Station wagon|station wagon]].

While Chris, to put it mildly, obviously suffers from multiple ''disconcerting'' issues which are listed [[My Little Pony|elsewhere]] in this fine wiki, the Department of Motor Vehicles has nevertheless given him a full permission to drive a [[Sonichu Special 4|motor vehicle to be used in a plan to commit aggravated assault]]. DMV has yet to release an apology for this grievous lapse in judgment.

Members of PVCC believe that the fact that Chris owns a Ford Escort may be a universal symbol of romantic [[fail]].
It is assumed that Chris did not save up his tugboat for a vehicle, deciding on [[Little Big Planet|more important]] [[McDonalds|things]] [[Guitar Hero|to spend his money on]], despite the fact that sometimes a nice car equals china.
==Backstory==
Since Chris jerks off to [[Transformers]], he pretends that his car is a Transformer named Son-Chu, "Proud Autobot Leader of the Cwcville, Virginia Autobot Squad; he is also is my Cool Sportin', Escortin' Car."<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Son-Chu</ref> From the [[CWCipedia]]:

{{quotebox|My Car is the Quick-Footed, well-armored '94 Escort; his name is Son-Chu. Dark Blue as Vehicle; he holds BatteryBlue/Yellow Combination Colors and Strong Personality under his hood. He has his Plasma Pistol/Energon Sword and Roof-Shield, and when Decepti-Clones attack, he is the First to Show up to the Party and leading the Cwcville Autobot Defense Squad. When I'm not in the driver's seat, and he has to make his way to the fight, he projects my image in the Driver's Seat for the sake of his disguise.

Transformation Details: His Roof comes off his vehicle mode to make his Shield. His hood pops off to transform into his Plasma Pistol/Energon Sword.

**Stay Tuned to watch his Transformation in a few days.
}}

The reason why the car is named "Son-Chu" still remains unknown. The same can be said of all of Chris's other Transformers rip-offs, though.

==Handicap parking permit==
Being [[Autism|a high functioning autistic male]], Chris has also been granted a handicap parking permit, clearly visible in the photographs of the car.

Chris should be thanking his lucky stars that he lives in one of only two states (the other being New York) in which you can get a disabled permit for being autistic. Yes, Chris actually does take up spaces meant for people who are ''really'' disabled.

The biggest question is, of course, this: who needs handicap permits when he's got a giant robot? If he can't find parking space, he could just level the parking lot. ''Duh.''

==Dashboard==
A Homer Simpson figurine resides on Chris's dashboard. There also appears to be a Sonichu-related item, possibly a paper cutout stuck to an air freshener ([[Chris and health#Hygiene|to mask the hobo stank]]), hanging from his rear-view mirror. Interesting to note is that [http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+46.2-1054 Virginia law prohibits the suspension of distracting or view-obstructing objects from the rear-view mirror of a car], a fact which most Virginia driver's-ed programs make very clear.

==Vanity plate==

The [[Wikipedia:Vanity plate|plate]] reads "[[Sonichu (character)|SONICHU]]," thusly ensuring no back-seat poontang for Chris. Ever. This habit of having a family plate stems from family. [[Bob]] has a vanity plate reading UN4EVER (apparently a support for the UN) and IB MR C (I be Mr. C, as in [[IBAChandler|I be Mr. Chandler]]) and [[Barb]] has one named B WESTON (as in Barbara Weston){{cite}} Chris's plate is fashionably overlaid with a "PIEDMONT VA CC" frame.

==Bumper Stickers==
Chris's car features a number of ancient and faded bumper stickers. Odds are they were applied when he first received the car, and have been rotting on the bumper ever since. Bumper stickers have long been regarded as a means to relay one's ill-informed world-views and prominently display meaningless platitudes for the public view. Chris's choice in stickers is a prime example of typical bumper sticker fare.

From left to right:

* Sonichu window static - A nearly invisible, transparent overlay in the back window of Chris's car. Most of the text is too faded to decipher, but it contains the URL for the old tripod website, what appears to be a faded drawing of either Sonic or Sonichu, and a very faint rendering of the Sonichu title text. They seem similar to the [[:File:197-cwcsonstecrd.jpg|ads in]] [[:File:163-cwcsonstecrdver2.jpg|scrapbook]], but the logo is on the other side and the URL is bigger.
* [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] - A round red sticker. The remnants of Chris's ill-fated and ultimately useless attendance of the local community college.
* Plan 9 Music - A bumper sticker for a local record shop where Chris probably gets his [[Chris and music|used Britney Spears]] from.
* An American Flag - Incredibly faded and neglected. Text underneath the flag reads "United We Stand". Probably added in 2001, during a frenzy of patriotism.
* "Autism. Work For A Cure" - As always, Chris feels the need to advertise his disability to the world. The sticker is a paragon of failure. How is "Autism" a sentence? Do you think it can be "Cured" rather than treated? What are you doing to "Work For A Cure"? Why is "A" capitalized?
* "Come Play With Me!" - Currently, the most disturbing thing Chris has on his car. It is an advertisement for "[[The GAMe PLACe]]". I'm sure they appreciate his endorsment.
* ???? - There are the completely faded and torn remnants of a sticker located on the center of Chris's bumper. It unknown what resided here, but it has been speculated that it was a vandalization or "mislabeling" of some sort.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Son-ChuVehicle.jpg|Side profile of the car. [[Honor roll]] my ass.
Image:0655-CWCsSonichuLicense.JPG|The vanity plate, IRL (notice the [[autism]] and [[The GAMe PLACe]] bumper stickers along with a [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] license plate frame).
Image:VanityPlateComic.jpg|The vanity plate, as seen from the [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]]
Image:Son-ChuBot.jpg|The car in Transformer mode. Note how the mild-mannered Escort somehow grows the front end of a Dodge Viper.
Image:Playstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG| Chris parks his car outside of his version of [[PS3| Mecca]].
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia}}
*[[Hot Wheels]]

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Transformers]]

Son-Chu

2010-02-16T04:23:03Z

Jules Vega:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[Image:Chrischanscar.jpg|thumb|200px|When you see it, you'll ZAP TO THE EXTREME!]]
[[Image:License.jpg|Much like James Bond, Chris also has a license to kill (though through his ineptitude in operating a 3-ton mobile weapon)|thumb]]
'''Son-Chu''' (aka '''The Sonichu Mobile''') is Chris's [[1994]] [[Wikipedia:Ford Escort (North America)|Ford Escort]] [[Wikipedia:Station wagon|station wagon]].

While Chris, to put it mildly, obviously suffers from multiple ''disconcerting'' issues which are listed [[My Little Pony|elsewhere]] in this fine wiki, the Department of Motor Vehicles has nevertheless given him a full permission to drive a [[Sonichu Special 4|motor vehicle to be used in a plan to commit aggravated assault]]. DMV has yet to release an apology for this grievous lapse in judgment.

Members of PVCC believe that the fact that Chris owns a Ford Escort may be a universal symbol of romantic [[fail]].
It is assumed that Chris did not save up his tugboat for a vehicle, deciding on [[Video Games|more important]] [[McDonalds|things]] [[Sex Toys|to spend his money on]], despite the fact that sometimes a nice car equals china.
==Backstory==
Since Chris jerks off to [[Transformers]], he pretends that his car is a Transformer named Son-Chu, "Proud Autobot Leader of the Cwcville, Virginia Autobot Squad; he is also is my Cool Sportin', Escortin' Car."<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Son-Chu</ref> From the [[CWCipedia]]:

{{quotebox|My Car is the Quick-Footed, well-armored '94 Escort; his name is Son-Chu. Dark Blue as Vehicle; he holds BatteryBlue/Yellow Combination Colors and Strong Personality under his hood. He has his Plasma Pistol/Energon Sword and Roof-Shield, and when Decepti-Clones attack, he is the First to Show up to the Party and leading the Cwcville Autobot Defense Squad. When I'm not in the driver's seat, and he has to make his way to the fight, he projects my image in the Driver's Seat for the sake of his disguise.

Transformation Details: His Roof comes off his vehicle mode to make his Shield. His hood pops off to transform into his Plasma Pistol/Energon Sword.

**Stay Tuned to watch his Transformation in a few days.
}}

The reason why the car is named "Son-Chu" still remains unknown. The same can be said of all of Chris's other Transformers rip-offs, though.

==Handicap parking permit==
Being [[Autism|a high functioning autistic male]], Chris has also been granted a handicap parking permit, clearly visible in the photographs of the car.

Chris should be thanking his lucky stars that he lives in one of only two states (the other being New York) in which you can get a disabled permit for being autistic. Yes, Chris actually does take up spaces meant for people who are ''really'' disabled.

The biggest question is, of course, this: who needs handicap permits when he's got a giant robot? If he can't find parking space, he could just level the parking lot. ''Duh.''

==Dashboard==
A Homer Simpson figurine resides on Chris's dashboard. There also appears to be a Sonichu-related item, possibly a paper cutout stuck to an air freshener ([[Chris and health#Hygiene|to mask the hobo stank]]), hanging from his rear-view mirror. Interesting to note is that [http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+46.2-1054 Virginia law prohibits the suspension of distracting or view-obstructing objects from the rear-view mirror of a car], a fact which most Virginia driver's-ed programs make very clear.

==Vanity plate==

The [[Wikipedia:Vanity plate|plate]] reads "[[Sonichu (character)|SONICHU]]," thusly ensuring no back-seat poontang for Chris. Ever. This habit of having a family plate stems from family. [[Bob]] has a vanity plate reading UN4EVER (apparently a support for the UN) and IB MR C (I be Mr. C, as in [[IBAChandler|I be Mr. Chandler]]) and [[Barb]] has one named B WESTON (as in Barbara Weston){{cite}} Chris's plate is fashionably overlaid with a "PIEDMONT VA CC" frame.

==Bumper Stickers==
Chris's car features a number of ancient and faded bumper stickers. Odds are they were applied when he first received the car, and have been rotting on the bumper ever since. Bumper stickers have long been regarded as a means to relay one's ill-informed world-views and prominently display meaningless platitudes for the public view. Chris's choice in stickers is a prime example of typical bumper sticker fare.

From left to right:

* Sonichu window static - A nearly invisible, transparent overlay in the back window of Chris's car. Most of the text is too faded to decipher, but it contains the URL for the old tripod website, what appears to be a faded drawing of either Sonic or Sonichu, and a very faint rendering of the Sonichu title text. They seem similar to the [[:File:197-cwcsonstecrd.jpg|ads in]] [[:File:163-cwcsonstecrdver2.jpg|scrapbook]], but the logo is on the other side and the URL is bigger.
* [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] - A round red sticker. The remnants of Chris's ill-fated and ultimately useless attendance of the local community college.
* Plan 9 Music - A bumper sticker for a local record shop where Chris probably gets his [[Chris and music|used Britney Spears]] from.
* An American Flag - Incredibly faded and neglected. Text underneath the flag reads "United We Stand". Probably added in 2001, during a frenzy of patriotism.
* "Autism. Work For A Cure" - As always, Chris feels the need to advertise his disability to the world. The sticker is a paragon of failure. How is "Autism" a sentence? Do you think it can be "Cured" rather than treated? What are you doing to "Work For A Cure"? Why is "A" capitalized?
* "Come Play With Me!" - Currently, the most disturbing thing Chris has on his car. It is an advertisement for "[[The GAMe PLACe]]". I'm sure they appreciate his endorsment.
* ???? - There are the completely faded and torn remnants of a sticker located on the center of Chris's bumper. It unknown what resided here, but it has been speculated that it was a vandalization or "mislabeling" of some sort.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Son-ChuVehicle.jpg|Side profile of the car. [[Honor roll]] my ass.
Image:0655-CWCsSonichuLicense.JPG|The vanity plate, IRL (notice the [[autism]] and [[The GAMe PLACe]] bumper stickers along with a [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] license plate frame).
Image:VanityPlateComic.jpg|The vanity plate, as seen from the [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]]
Image:Son-ChuBot.jpg|The car in Transformer mode. Note how the mild-mannered Escort somehow grows the front end of a Dodge Viper.
Image:Playstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG| Chris parks his car outside of his version of [[PS3| Mecca]].
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia}}
*[[Hot Wheels]]

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Transformers]]

Son-Chu

2010-02-16T04:18:27Z

Jules Vega:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[Image:Chrischanscar.jpg|thumb|200px|When you see it, you'll ZAP TO THE EXTREME!]]
[[Image:License.jpg|Much like James Bond, Chris also has a license to kill (though through his ineptitude in operating a 3-ton mobile weapon)|thumb]]
'''Son-Chu''' (aka '''The Sonichu Mobile''') is Chris's [[1994]] [[Wikipedia:Ford Escort (North America)|Ford Escort]] [[Wikipedia:Station wagon|station wagon]].

While Chris, to put it mildly, obviously suffers from multiple ''disconcerting'' issues which are listed [[My Little Pony|elsewhere]] in this fine wiki, the Department of Motor Vehicles has nevertheless given him a full permission to drive a [[Sonichu Special 4|motor vehicle to be used in a plan to commit aggravated assault]]. DMV has yet to release an apology for this grievous lapse in judgment.

Members of PVCC believe that the fact that Chris owns a Ford Escort may be a universal symbol of romantic [[fail]].
It is assumed that Chris did not save up his tugboat for a vehicle, because anyone with automotive taste would have at least saved up enough for a Honda.
==Backstory==
Since Chris jerks off to [[Transformers]], he pretends that his car is a Transformer named Son-Chu, "Proud Autobot Leader of the Cwcville, Virginia Autobot Squad; he is also is my Cool Sportin', Escortin' Car."<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Son-Chu</ref> From the [[CWCipedia]]:

{{quotebox|My Car is the Quick-Footed, well-armored '94 Escort; his name is Son-Chu. Dark Blue as Vehicle; he holds BatteryBlue/Yellow Combination Colors and Strong Personality under his hood. He has his Plasma Pistol/Energon Sword and Roof-Shield, and when Decepti-Clones attack, he is the First to Show up to the Party and leading the Cwcville Autobot Defense Squad. When I'm not in the driver's seat, and he has to make his way to the fight, he projects my image in the Driver's Seat for the sake of his disguise.

Transformation Details: His Roof comes off his vehicle mode to make his Shield. His hood pops off to transform into his Plasma Pistol/Energon Sword.

**Stay Tuned to watch his Transformation in a few days.
}}

The reason why the car is named "Son-Chu" still remains unknown. The same can be said of all of Chris's other Transformers rip-offs, though.

==Handicap parking permit==
Being [[Autism|a high functioning autistic male]], Chris has also been granted a handicap parking permit, clearly visible in the photographs of the car.

Chris should be thanking his lucky stars that he lives in one of only two states (the other being New York) in which you can get a disabled permit for being autistic. Yes, Chris actually does take up spaces meant for people who are ''really'' disabled.

The biggest question is, of course, this: who needs handicap permits when he's got a giant robot? If he can't find parking space, he could just level the parking lot. ''Duh.''

==Dashboard==
A Homer Simpson figurine resides on Chris's dashboard. There also appears to be a Sonichu-related item, possibly a paper cutout stuck to an air freshener ([[Chris and health#Hygiene|to mask the hobo stank]]), hanging from his rear-view mirror. Interesting to note is that [http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+46.2-1054 Virginia law prohibits the suspension of distracting or view-obstructing objects from the rear-view mirror of a car], a fact which most Virginia driver's-ed programs make very clear.

==Vanity plate==

The [[Wikipedia:Vanity plate|plate]] reads "[[Sonichu (character)|SONICHU]]," thusly ensuring no back-seat poontang for Chris. Ever. This habit of having a family plate stems from family. [[Bob]] has a vanity plate reading UN4EVER (apparently a support for the UN) and IB MR C (I be Mr. C, as in [[IBAChandler|I be Mr. Chandler]]) and [[Barb]] has one named B WESTON (as in Barbara Weston){{cite}} Chris's plate is fashionably overlaid with a "PIEDMONT VA CC" frame.

==Bumper Stickers==
Chris's car features a number of ancient and faded bumper stickers. Odds are they were applied when he first received the car, and have been rotting on the bumper ever since. Bumper stickers have long been regarded as a means to relay one's ill-informed world-views and prominently display meaningless platitudes for the public view. Chris's choice in stickers is a prime example of typical bumper sticker fare.

From left to right:

* Sonichu window static - A nearly invisible, transparent overlay in the back window of Chris's car. Most of the text is too faded to decipher, but it contains the URL for the old tripod website, what appears to be a faded drawing of either Sonic or Sonichu, and a very faint rendering of the Sonichu title text. They seem similar to the [[:File:197-cwcsonstecrd.jpg|ads in]] [[:File:163-cwcsonstecrdver2.jpg|scrapbook]], but the logo is on the other side and the URL is bigger.
* [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] - A round red sticker. The remnants of Chris's ill-fated and ultimately useless attendance of the local community college.
* Plan 9 Music - A bumper sticker for a local record shop where Chris probably gets his [[Chris and music|used Britney Spears]] from.
* An American Flag - Incredibly faded and neglected. Text underneath the flag reads "United We Stand". Probably added in 2001, during a frenzy of patriotism.
* "Autism. Work For A Cure" - As always, Chris feels the need to advertise his disability to the world. The sticker is a paragon of failure. How is "Autism" a sentence? Do you think it can be "Cured" rather than treated? What are you doing to "Work For A Cure"? Why is "A" capitalized?
* "Come Play With Me!" - Currently, the most disturbing thing Chris has on his car. It is an advertisement for "[[The GAMe PLACe]]". I'm sure they appreciate his endorsment.
* ???? - There are the completely faded and torn remnants of a sticker located on the center of Chris's bumper. It unknown what resided here, but it has been speculated that it was a vandalization or "mislabeling" of some sort.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Son-ChuVehicle.jpg|Side profile of the car. [[Honor roll]] my ass.
Image:0655-CWCsSonichuLicense.JPG|The vanity plate, IRL (notice the [[autism]] and [[The GAMe PLACe]] bumper stickers along with a [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] license plate frame).
Image:VanityPlateComic.jpg|The vanity plate, as seen from the [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]]
Image:Son-ChuBot.jpg|The car in Transformer mode. Note how the mild-mannered Escort somehow grows the front end of a Dodge Viper.
Image:Playstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG| Chris parks his car outside of his version of [[PS3| Mecca]].
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia}}
*[[Hot Wheels]]

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Transformers]]

Son-Chu

2010-02-16T04:17:23Z

Jules Vega:

{{taxpayermoney}}
[[Image:Chrischanscar.jpg|thumb|200px|When you see it, you'll ZAP TO THE EXTREME!]]
[[Image:License.jpg|Much like James Bond, Chris also has a license to kill (though through his ineptitude in operating a 3-ton mobile weapon)|thumb]]
'''Son-Chu''' (aka '''The Sonichu Mobile''') is Chris's [[1994]] [[Wikipedia:Ford Escort (North America)|Ford Escort]] [[Wikipedia:Station wagon|station wagon]].

While Chris, to put it mildly, obviously suffers from multiple ''disconcerting'' issues which are listed [[My Little Pony|elsewhere]] in this fine wiki, the Department of Motor Vehicles has nevertheless given him a full permission to drive a [[Sonichu Special 4|motor vehicle to be used in a plan to commit aggravated assault]]. DMV has yet to release an apology for this grievous lapse in judgment.

Members of PVCC believe that the fact that Chris owns a Ford Escort may be a universal symbol of romantic [[fail]].
It is assumed that Chris did not save up his tugboat for a vehicle, because anyone with automotive taste would have at least saved up enough for a [[Joshua Martinez|Honda.]]
==Backstory==
Since Chris jerks off to [[Transformers]], he pretends that his car is a Transformer named Son-Chu, "Proud Autobot Leader of the Cwcville, Virginia Autobot Squad; he is also is my Cool Sportin', Escortin' Car."<ref>http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Son-Chu</ref> From the [[CWCipedia]]:

{{quotebox|My Car is the Quick-Footed, well-armored '94 Escort; his name is Son-Chu. Dark Blue as Vehicle; he holds BatteryBlue/Yellow Combination Colors and Strong Personality under his hood. He has his Plasma Pistol/Energon Sword and Roof-Shield, and when Decepti-Clones attack, he is the First to Show up to the Party and leading the Cwcville Autobot Defense Squad. When I'm not in the driver's seat, and he has to make his way to the fight, he projects my image in the Driver's Seat for the sake of his disguise.

Transformation Details: His Roof comes off his vehicle mode to make his Shield. His hood pops off to transform into his Plasma Pistol/Energon Sword.

**Stay Tuned to watch his Transformation in a few days.
}}

The reason why the car is named "Son-Chu" still remains unknown. The same can be said of all of Chris's other Transformers rip-offs, though.

==Handicap parking permit==
Being [[Autism|a high functioning autistic male]], Chris has also been granted a handicap parking permit, clearly visible in the photographs of the car.

Chris should be thanking his lucky stars that he lives in one of only two states (the other being New York) in which you can get a disabled permit for being autistic. Yes, Chris actually does take up spaces meant for people who are ''really'' disabled.

The biggest question is, of course, this: who needs handicap permits when he's got a giant robot? If he can't find parking space, he could just level the parking lot. ''Duh.''

==Dashboard==
A Homer Simpson figurine resides on Chris's dashboard. There also appears to be a Sonichu-related item, possibly a paper cutout stuck to an air freshener ([[Chris and health#Hygiene|to mask the hobo stank]]), hanging from his rear-view mirror. Interesting to note is that [http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+46.2-1054 Virginia law prohibits the suspension of distracting or view-obstructing objects from the rear-view mirror of a car], a fact which most Virginia driver's-ed programs make very clear.

==Vanity plate==

The [[Wikipedia:Vanity plate|plate]] reads "[[Sonichu (character)|SONICHU]]," thusly ensuring no back-seat poontang for Chris. Ever. This habit of having a family plate stems from family. [[Bob]] has a vanity plate reading UN4EVER (apparently a support for the UN) and IB MR C (I be Mr. C, as in [[IBAChandler|I be Mr. Chandler]]) and [[Barb]] has one named B WESTON (as in Barbara Weston){{cite}} Chris's plate is fashionably overlaid with a "PIEDMONT VA CC" frame.

==Bumper Stickers==
Chris's car features a number of ancient and faded bumper stickers. Odds are they were applied when he first received the car, and have been rotting on the bumper ever since. Bumper stickers have long been regarded as a means to relay one's ill-informed world-views and prominently display meaningless platitudes for the public view. Chris's choice in stickers is a prime example of typical bumper sticker fare.

From left to right:

* Sonichu window static - A nearly invisible, transparent overlay in the back window of Chris's car. Most of the text is too faded to decipher, but it contains the URL for the old tripod website, what appears to be a faded drawing of either Sonic or Sonichu, and a very faint rendering of the Sonichu title text. They seem similar to the [[:File:197-cwcsonstecrd.jpg|ads in]] [[:File:163-cwcsonstecrdver2.jpg|scrapbook]], but the logo is on the other side and the URL is bigger.
* [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] - A round red sticker. The remnants of Chris's ill-fated and ultimately useless attendance of the local community college.
* Plan 9 Music - A bumper sticker for a local record shop where Chris probably gets his [[Chris and music|used Britney Spears]] from.
* An American Flag - Incredibly faded and neglected. Text underneath the flag reads "United We Stand". Probably added in 2001, during a frenzy of patriotism.
* "Autism. Work For A Cure" - As always, Chris feels the need to advertise his disability to the world. The sticker is a paragon of failure. How is "Autism" a sentence? Do you think it can be "Cured" rather than treated? What are you doing to "Work For A Cure"? Why is "A" capitalized?
* "Come Play With Me!" - Currently, the most disturbing thing Chris has on his car. It is an advertisement for "[[The GAMe PLACe]]". I'm sure they appreciate his endorsment.
* ???? - There are the completely faded and torn remnants of a sticker located on the center of Chris's bumper. It unknown what resided here, but it has been speculated that it was a vandalization or "mislabeling" of some sort.

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Son-ChuVehicle.jpg|Side profile of the car. [[Honor roll]] my ass.
Image:0655-CWCsSonichuLicense.JPG|The vanity plate, IRL (notice the [[autism]] and [[The GAMe PLACe]] bumper stickers along with a [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]] license plate frame).
Image:VanityPlateComic.jpg|The vanity plate, as seen from the [[Sonichu (comic)|comic]]
Image:Son-ChuBot.jpg|The car in Transformer mode. Note how the mild-mannered Escort somehow grows the front end of a Dodge Viper.
Image:Playstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG| Chris parks his car outside of his version of [[PS3| Mecca]].
</gallery>
</center>

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
{{CWCipedia}}
*[[Hot Wheels]]

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category:Relics of Fail]]
[[Category:Transformers]]

Kathleen

2010-02-05T00:03:14Z

Jules Vega:

Certain that [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was the creator of the [[Christian Weston Chandler]] page on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], Chris soon convinced himself that Jason was the mastermind of all his woes on the internet. Obsessed with this new enemy, Chris began an exhaustive investigation, and came to the conclusion that when Jason was 20, he had a girlfriend named '''Kathleen Nicole Wallace''', and she was only 17 years old at the time. Chris began announcing this wherever he could, essentially accusing Howell of committing statutory rape. Chris's charge, of course, assumes the following:

*That Jason and Kathleen had sexual intercourse during this period when he was legal and she was not.

*That Jason lives in a jurisdiction where the age on consent is 18 <s>(while in actuality it's most commonly 16 or 17)</s> '''Chris is right on this one, the AOC in Tennesee is 18'''.

Both are quite conceivable, but let's face it, Chris is the same guy who thinks he can [[Semen|recycle]] his own [[Comeuppance|sperm]] by [[Fapcup|drinking it]]. It's difficult to put much stock in anything he says, even when it's plausible. He also doesn't think there is a world outside of Virginia, so the concept that different states have different laws probably eludes him.

If, indeed, they were having sex and Kathleen was legally underage, the difference is small enough that most people would find no problem with it. But given Chris's views on [[Pedofork|"those dumb laws"]], it seems that he is more concerned with whether a thing is legal or not than whether it is socially acceptable. Remember, all that stops him from looking for [[Attraction sign|14-[his current age]]] girls is a dumb law.

Nonetheless, Chris pressed the issue by e-mailing Kathleen to inform her of his grudge against Jason.

{{quote|Hello, Kat, I am Christian Chandler

[[chris and his ego|You may or may not know me]] (depending on how often you're on the internet, and if you've found me by reference or search), but I have something to tell you about your "cuddle-butt", Jason. He has been playing a Major Cog in the Slander Factory known as [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], and among all the innocent victims that the website has vandalized beyond the worst embarrassment known to mankind within their grasp, your [[Troll|bully]] of a boyfriend is the Original Author of the "Chris-chan" page that was put up there for the "LULZ", "Laughs Under Lucricities". Which I don't have to tell you is not only mean and cruel, the page is HORRIBLE.

Against me, that page has broken the closest thing I've had to a relationship with [[Megan Schroeder]], who I've finally had at her first time of saying with feeling, "I Love You" to me, then she found [[Rule 34|that page]] and she broke up with me. [[Heart level|It broke my heart]].

Also, the chaos from the page broke up the buddy friendship between me and my buddy, [[Joshua Martinez]], who attended [[James Madison University|Special Ed]] classes with me during our childhood.

And after the first time I found that page myself, I went into a spiral of [[Virgin with rage|rage]] against that machine, that with the break-ups and chaos, I became depressed and went into a forced-by-personal-emotions hiatus.

There are numerous other chaotic happenings that raged from the ED page, but I can't remember [[2007|them]] [[2008|all]].

Anyway, the point is, if it wasn't for your "Bully Next Door", I would not have to have had to endure the [[pickles|stress]], [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|emotional pains]], [[Blanca|break-ups]], [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 8th, 2008|self-torments]], etcetera, etcetera, etcetera!!!

Who knows what he may have in mind against you in relation. While he may have started with me, or possibly any one or more of the victims on Encyclopedia Dramatica, who knows when he will do something similarly [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|evil or worse]] against you.

Oh, BTW, in other states, it IS [[Chris and the Law|illegal]] for his 20-year old [[Pedofork|self]] to be Dating 17-year old [[Zapina Rosechu|you]].

My apologies for informing you and possibly causing emotional stress and rage, but I felt it was my [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|duty]] to inform you before it was too late.

[[Fail|Peace]],

Christian Weston Chandler."}}

Eventually, Chris would later discover that Joshua Martinez was trolling Chris all by himself. Megan severed ties with Chris over content on ED, but it was pictures of Megan that Chris himself uploaded to the site. Nonetheless, it appears that Chris schemed to take revenge by sabotaging Jason's relationship the same way he deluded himself into thinking Jason turned Megan against him.

Continuing his smear campaign against Jason, Chris depicted both him and Kathleen as villains in [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]]. Kathleen was dubbed "Jason's Woman Slave", and drawn with a strange BDSM costume (in [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|recent edits]] she is referred to instead as simply "Jason's Accomplice", bondage gear still intact). The pair would return in [[Sonichu 8|the following issue]], where Kathleen stood by and dispassionately witnessed Jason's confrontation with [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]].

Like all of the characters Chris bases off real-life people and events, his embellishments say more about himself than the target of his "satire". Refusing to believe that a minor would willingly engage in an "illegal" relationship with a "bully", so Chris depicts her as a slave, apparently forced to endure Jason's odious presence. Ironically, "Woman Slave" pretty much describes Chris's ideal [[Sweetheart]], since he expects his hypothetical girlfriend to own a home, be the breadwinner, and do the housework while he sits around pretending to be a superstar video game designer.

Perhaps fearing legal retribution for using their real names in his comic, Chris has since edited the pages of <i>Sonichu</i> #'s 7 and 8 to use only their first names. Their full names still persist on [[Sonichuandrosechu.com]], where Chris announces that "Jason Kendrick Howell and Kathleen Nicole Wallace will only be reffered to by ther FIRST NAMES ALONE." [[Honor roll]], my ass.

At one point, Jason had broken up with Kathleen but they have since gotten back together and broke up again.

When Jason joined [[Vivian]] by providing his own voice for the [[Audiobooks]] he also made several episodes of commentary for the [[Official Videobooks]], where he confirmed that he and Kathleen had been broken up by the time of the comic's release. He also said that Kathleen never actually recceived the above letter, and that she was entirely unaware that Chris had even drawn her into the comic in the first place. In all likelihood, though, she's likely to be more upset at the autistic man-child drawing her in bondage gear than at her ex for picking on a guy on the internet.

==See also:==
{{Fan art}}
*[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]
*[[4-cent_garbage.com]]
*[[Zapina]]
*[[Facebook messages|Chris's Facebook messages]], which show Chris himself [[Pedofork|pursuing a 17-year-cute girl]]

{{People}}
{{Sonichu}}
[[Category: Sonichu]] [[Category: Characters]] [[Category: Villains]] [[Category: Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]