CWCki - User contributions [en]

Talk:Alex's Lemonade Stand

2012-03-02T09:26:39Z

Kazmeyer:

{{Not A Forum}}
* Are we jumping to conclusions about Chris's motives here? I mean, it sounds like it was heart failure that finished Bob off, but he did say (at least twice IIRC) in the crank calls that he had been diagnosed with and treated for cancer. I could perhaps have bought that Bob was lying to trolls in an attempt to get them to back off out of sympathy, but I can't see him lying to Chris about it also. --[[User:HarryHowler|HarryHowler]] 10:25, 19 February 2012 (PST)

:It was a combination of several factors, and cancer (when it finally kills) can do so by causing heart failure (also by organ failure, blood poisoning, etc.). [[User:Eamoo|Eamoo]] 12:26, 19 February 2012 (PST)

:Bob had heart trouble for a while, and heart failure was the eventual cause of death. We're not really jumping to conclusions as much as pointing out that Chris is wrong, again. He's trying to relate to the cause of ALSF through his father's death, and it may be that Chris really believes his father's death was primarily caused by cancer. In addition, ALS is about helping raise money for childhood cancer. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 12:33, 19 February 2012 (PST)
:: I looked through all of the IRCs and couldn't find a single one that mentions Bob having cancer or being treated for cancer. There was one prank call I could remember (the one where it's a guy trying to be all nice to Bob and saying he's going to write a paper on him) where BARB is the one to say that Bob is in the hospital for treatment (when asked "treatment for what? cancer?" she doesn't respond and just says he's not there). Other than that: Panda does mention HER father has cancer in the IRC of 02 Jan 2009 and Chris mentions that his father has had 3 or 4 heart attacks and 3 triple bypasses in his life time during IRC of 03 Jan 2009. If anyone can find the IRCs where Chris has stated his father has cancer/had cancer please link. Other than that, I really think the whole "in honor of my father dying of cancer" bit is most likely Chris trying to get attention or he simply doesn't understand why his father died and just said it was cancer. Which, all in all, still doesn't mean anything because, as Anonymax stated, Alex's Lemonade Stand is to raise money for childhood cancer support/research/etc. NONE of that money goes to adults with cancer. --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 14:50, 19 February 2012 (PST)
:::[https://www.youtube.com/all_comments?v=y-GGSOyCm2k This is the prank call you mentioned,] though it's now set to private. [[http://www.sonichu.com/cwcki/User:Nullity/PCA|Transcript here.]] According to this, Bob said he had cancer. Whether or not it was true is up for debate, but I don't think there's any good reason to doubt him. —Preceding [[Wikipedia:Signatures|unsigned]] comment added by [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] ([[User talk:Freecell|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Freecell|contribs]]) 16:41, 19 February 2012 (PST)
:::: I know this is not a forum, but speculation: CWC is probably doing this because he may have received community service for intentionally hitting Snyder (that is what happened, by the way). It actually seems likely. Explanation: that was Chris' first felony and he has a documented medical condition. Add to this the fact that his defender would likely argue that Chris was under a great deal of stress from the recent death of his father and he lashed out irrationally. The court is more likely to show leniency when the only alternative is to put him in a home. Typically, the court assigns a person doing community service to choose a charity of their choice and volunteer. I can't see Chris out busting his butt for Habitat for Humanity or anything else, so the likelihood of him choosing something that felt relevant to him and his family and finding a way to raise money is high. On the other hand, this may not be sufficient: making a simple donation site is not a calculable expenditure of work. It has no "clock in" and "clock out" time signed by a supervisor, which is what the court looks at to verify that hours of community service are completed. He creates the donation area on someone else's site and he leaves it. We may see many such CWC Community Service projects in the next few months. --[[User:Niggabyte|Niggabyte]] 14:36, 24 February 2012 (PST)
::::* He hasn't been officially found guilty of anything so he can't be punished for anything yet...so no, I do not believe this is any kind of community service. --[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 20:57, 24 February 2012 (PST)
::::: And if Chris had hit Snyder, he would have been charged with hitting Snyder. Chris was charged with property damage. Ergo, he didn't actually hit Snyder, or the investigating officer somehow missed the fact. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 01:26, 2 March 2012 (PST)
== How do we know Chris actually made this? ==

Just wondering, because I really haven't seen any evidence that would lead me to believe Chris actually made it. (I'm not doubting it though.)
*It's linked through his confirmed facebook page--[[User:4Macie|4Macie]] 19:40, 23 February 2012 (PST)

== Removed comments ==
Does anyone have screencaps? Because some of the comments are being removed. —Preceding [[Wikipedia:Signatures|unsigned]] comment added by [[User:KamenRider|KamenRider]] ([[User talk:KamenRider|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/KamenRider|contribs]]) 
: Sure they're not just falling off the page but are still visible [http://www.alexslemonade.org/mypage/80275/donations here?] --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 10:55, 24 February 2012 (PST)
::Definitely. On that page, the comments have been replaced with "-" [[User:KamenRider|KamenRider]] 11:02, 24 February 2012 (PST)
:::PNG is the preferred format for images on the CWCki, as other formats lose quality, clarity or create files that are too large in size. If you could re-cap the current donations list and save it as a PNG and upload it, we can keep a track of changes. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 11:15, 24 February 2012 (PST)
::::Reuploaded as .PNG [[User:KamenRider|KamenRider]] 11:31, 24 February 2012 (PST)
::::: Update: Donors page is now gone.[[User:KamenRider|KamenRider]] 11:35, 24 February 2012 (PST)

== Page No Longer Available? ==

I tried to see the page today, and it says that I do not have access. For the sake of accuracy, what was the date that access to the page was limited? 14:59, 29 February 2012 (PST)~Avenger
:So he's seriously stopped accepting donations for children's cancer in order to avoid the mean messages that came with some of them? This is a low I didn't think even he could reach. Or maybe he realised that there's no way for him to obtain the money. --[[User:IThrewTheFrisbee|IThrewTheFrisbee]] 18:45, 1 March 2012 (PST)

Talk:14 Branchland Court

2011-09-20T05:39:14Z

Kazmeyer: /* A&E's Hoarders */

Should the videos be posted here or only on the main article? I think they should be posted on both, and this page should link back to the original. What say ye? --[[User:Tregnier2795|Tregnier2795]] 01:25, 22 June 2009 (CEST)
:*I think that this article is already a little bit too long, and adding two videos to it would only make it even longer. Yes, having the videos here would be illustrative, but it would also be redundant. Anyone who comes here and wants to watch the videos has a huge link to the videos' own page staring them in the face, so I don't see why they can't just go there. Lastly, if the videos were to remain double-posted here, I'm sure that someone would eventually start complaining that there were no transcripts (or else start needlessly re-transcribing them). Can't we just opt to avoid all of that Stressful Torture? [[User:Llort|Llort]] 02:23, 22 June 2009 (CEST)
** I guess. It just seems that having the two vids on the page, while redundant, makes it much more efficient. You wanna see the videos themselves and the descriptions/analysis? See the Branchland Court article. Want the vids and a transcript? See the main article. Maybe add such a description to the link to the video article? --[[User:Tregnier2795|Tregnier2795]] 10:51, 23 June 2009 (CEST)

==Question==
I've heard that Chris waits by the mail box daily for the post to arrive to intercept mail from his parents incase any new NOODS arrive for them, is there any substance to that claim?--[[User:UncleBastard|UncleBastard]] 00:21, 23 July 2009 (CEST)

==To do==
Add a picture of the sign trolls left in her yard (thankfully, we have a picture from [[Svenka]], of all people to thank) and a little bit about what to do if they choose to "visit" the house IRL (or more appropriately, a warning against it). --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 20:48, 14 August 2009 (CEST)

==Dox==
We should make keep a record of the times Chris has dropped his address publicly, in videos and on his website openly (there was a time when people found his address by looking on a white pages website). --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:35, 24 November 2009 (CET)
* Added at least a partial list. There may be more videos I've missed, though. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 08:23, 24 November 2009 (CET)

== A&E's Hoarders ==

I have just learned that A&E has this program called ''Hoarders'', where they go to the homes of compulsive hoarders and clean up their house for them. Maybe we should do this for CWC. [http://hoardersdocumentary.com/machform/view.php?id=3 Here's the form that needs to be filled out for it.] It'll take some time to fill out, but if A&E ever does go to CWC's house, it would provide copious amounts of lulz. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 00:07, 12 March 2010 (UTC)
*Slowpoke.jpg.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 00:20, 12 March 2010 (UTC)
**Argh. Beaten again. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 01:01, 12 March 2010 (UTC)
Today I Got an email from a girl that works at A&E that says that they sent a crew, but Barb slammed the door in their faces.--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 13:06, 17 March 2011 (PDT)
*Share it, please. Reality TV doesn't work that way; Hoarders contacts the family right out of the gate to assess the psychological issues. They don't just send a crew down on the word of random people on the internet. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 22:36, 19 September 2011 (PDT)
**Never mind, see it on your user page. "Allison.hoarders@gmail.com" -- yeah. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 22:39, 19 September 2011 (PDT)

== Quote in "Mail" section ==

The one about how Chris handles his mail, can we cite where it's from? --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 23:54, 6 May 2011 (PDT)

== Selling? ==

I'm not certain as to whether or not this is relevant, but I think the Chandlers might be trying to sell the house again. Here's the link to the website in question. http://www.zillow.com/homedetails/14-Branchland-Ct-Ruckersville-VA-22968/107910124_zpid/ -- [[User:IcyHotWings|IcyHotWings]] --
: We need more info. Can anyone validates this? [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 09:54, 6 July 2011 (PDT)

Talk:14 Branchland Court

2011-09-20T05:36:05Z

Kazmeyer: /* A&E's Hoarders */

Should the videos be posted here or only on the main article? I think they should be posted on both, and this page should link back to the original. What say ye? --[[User:Tregnier2795|Tregnier2795]] 01:25, 22 June 2009 (CEST)
:*I think that this article is already a little bit too long, and adding two videos to it would only make it even longer. Yes, having the videos here would be illustrative, but it would also be redundant. Anyone who comes here and wants to watch the videos has a huge link to the videos' own page staring them in the face, so I don't see why they can't just go there. Lastly, if the videos were to remain double-posted here, I'm sure that someone would eventually start complaining that there were no transcripts (or else start needlessly re-transcribing them). Can't we just opt to avoid all of that Stressful Torture? [[User:Llort|Llort]] 02:23, 22 June 2009 (CEST)
** I guess. It just seems that having the two vids on the page, while redundant, makes it much more efficient. You wanna see the videos themselves and the descriptions/analysis? See the Branchland Court article. Want the vids and a transcript? See the main article. Maybe add such a description to the link to the video article? --[[User:Tregnier2795|Tregnier2795]] 10:51, 23 June 2009 (CEST)

==Question==
I've heard that Chris waits by the mail box daily for the post to arrive to intercept mail from his parents incase any new NOODS arrive for them, is there any substance to that claim?--[[User:UncleBastard|UncleBastard]] 00:21, 23 July 2009 (CEST)

==To do==
Add a picture of the sign trolls left in her yard (thankfully, we have a picture from [[Svenka]], of all people to thank) and a little bit about what to do if they choose to "visit" the house IRL (or more appropriately, a warning against it). --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 20:48, 14 August 2009 (CEST)

==Dox==
We should make keep a record of the times Chris has dropped his address publicly, in videos and on his website openly (there was a time when people found his address by looking on a white pages website). --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:35, 24 November 2009 (CET)
* Added at least a partial list. There may be more videos I've missed, though. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 08:23, 24 November 2009 (CET)

== A&E's Hoarders ==

I have just learned that A&E has this program called ''Hoarders'', where they go to the homes of compulsive hoarders and clean up their house for them. Maybe we should do this for CWC. [http://hoardersdocumentary.com/machform/view.php?id=3 Here's the form that needs to be filled out for it.] It'll take some time to fill out, but if A&E ever does go to CWC's house, it would provide copious amounts of lulz. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 00:07, 12 March 2010 (UTC)
*Slowpoke.jpg.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 00:20, 12 March 2010 (UTC)
**Argh. Beaten again. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 01:01, 12 March 2010 (UTC)
Today I Got an email from a girl that works at A&E that says that they sent a crew, but Barb slammed the door in their faces.--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 13:06, 17 March 2011 (PDT)
*Share it, please. Reality TV doesn't work that way; Hoarders contacts the family right out of the gate to assess the psychological issues. They don't just send a crew down on the word of random people on the internet. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 22:36, 19 September 2011 (PDT)

== Quote in "Mail" section ==

The one about how Chris handles his mail, can we cite where it's from? --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 23:54, 6 May 2011 (PDT)

== Selling? ==

I'm not certain as to whether or not this is relevant, but I think the Chandlers might be trying to sell the house again. Here's the link to the website in question. http://www.zillow.com/homedetails/14-Branchland-Ct-Ruckersville-VA-22968/107910124_zpid/ -- [[User:IcyHotWings|IcyHotWings]] --
: We need more info. Can anyone validates this? [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 09:54, 6 July 2011 (PDT)

14 Branchland Court

2011-09-20T05:34:42Z

Kazmeyer: /* Visiting */

{{Honest}}
<center>{{#ev:youtube|meAO487S0zM}}</center>
{{quote|One does not simply walk into 14 Branchland Court. There is evil there that does not sleep, and the great Man-child is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with video games and sex toys, the very air you breath is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand men could you do this, it is folly.|[[YouTube]] comment, dragonslayer396}}

[[Image:Fullfrontalfilth.gif|thumb|The most complete view of the front. Note the [[Sonichu]] drawn in the snow.]]
[[Image:CWCHouse.jpg|thumb|Abandon all hope, ye who enter here!]]
[[Image:Chris house.jpg|thumb|Aerial shot of the house.]]
[[Image:Chandlerhousegooglemaps.jpg|thumb|Another aerial image of the Chandler House.]]
[[Image:BranchlandCourt.jpg|thumb|A more accurate depiction of 14 Branchland Court]]

'''14 Branchland Court''' is the lair of the [[Chandler]] Clan. It is a white (now yellowed to ivory) two-story house trimmed in [[homos|pink]] (faded from a dark red) with three bedrooms on the outskirts of [[Ruckersville, VA]]. The property is near the intersection of Branchland Court and Westwood Drive, facing northwest. The house itself reeks of the early [[1980s]], having tacky fake shutters and vinyl siding; it probably hasn't been re-sided in years. As a result of its dated look, in addition to the decaying gardens and overgrown yard, it has done a number on local property values.

As of [[2009#March|March 2009]], all space not used for walking or sleeping appeared to be packed full of junk. However, in earlier pictures (those of [[Chris]]'s twentieth birthday [2002], for instance), the house was once quite tidy. In his [[Tour of Christian's House|video tour]], Chris also keeps referring to the fact that "things got cluttered," suggesting that the house has grown fuller and fuller in the past decade. "Clutter" is, of course, a horrible understatement. The house is packed with crap. Its former living room is unusable, with junk filling the entire space and reaching within two feet of the ceiling. Similarly, other rooms are full of junk, but rather than solid blocks of shit, there are small crevices with chairs, TVs, and other furnishings.

[[THAT IS MY HOUSE|"THAT IS MY HOUSE"]] revealed that Chris's parents are aware of the house's condition (what with the junk being both a health hazard and a fire hazard), and fear that [[Tour of Christian's House|Chris's video tours]] may elicit the attention of the [http://www.vdh.state.va.us/LHD/ThomasJefferson/Greene/ Health Department of Greene County] resulting in their home being condemned. Trolls made several calls to the health department in hopes of spurring such a process into action, but their efforts proved fruitless.

Chris [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|claimed]] to have put forth some effort towards cleaning up the house in early 2010, but the "back-breaking" tasks he describes amount to simple maintenance, like vacuuming and scrubbing the floors. He talks about this as if he is making great progress in fixing the disaster area that is 14 Branchland Court, but his efforts appear to be just enough to keep him from [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|slipping on cat shit]] on a regular basis.

Chris also claimed that Bob used to use a computer, but Barbara bought an enormous amount of crap from Goodwill, blocking off the computer. Apparently, Bob was too lazy or unwilling to provoke a fight, as he just stopped using the computer.<ref>[[Jackie Chat 8|Jackie Chat #8]]</ref>

==History==
Chris lived at 14 Branchland Court from the time he was born until his family moved him to the Richmond area, some distance away, in order to escape the [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Greene County]] Public School system's attempts to pull him out of mainstream schools. After the move, which took place in the fall of 1992, Chris and his father lived in the Richmond suburbs while his mother held down the fort in Ruckersville so she could continue working for the local electric power authority until retirement. Barbara joined them after retiring a few years later.

The Chandlers moved back to the Ruckersville house in 2000 after Chris graduated high school. In a [[100 2178|video]] released in May 2010, Chris claims that his family tried and failed to sell the house at some point, and would have stayed in the Richmond suburbs if they had been able to find a buyer. (He attributes the house's failure to sell to a conspiracy between local realtors and the Greene County school system; but, as this article will explain, it probably went unsold for more practical reasons.)

==The Tour==
{{main|Tour of Chris's House}}
{{quote|if Clyde thought my room is a mess, he should see the rest of my house; my family has a LOT of clutter from small things in boxes to furniture. [...] You don't need to feel surprised from the mess of my family, my mother got her things one at a time while "it was a bargain". |Chris to [[Julie]]<ref><BlueSpike_Skype_Logs_5]]</ref>}}
In two videos uploaded on [[2009#March|27 March 2009]], Chris provides a tour of his house and the property that it's on. Like his own room, Chris's entire house is a disaster area. Several rooms are so full of shit that Chris cannot enter them.

What follows is a brief description of the rooms and other areas of 14 Branchland Court.

==First floor==
In the north corner is what Christian describes as "the music room", which is now primarily the domain of [[Barbara Chandler]], who frequently sleeps there. A small bathroom is directly in front of the stairs leading up to the front door. On the other end of a short hallway is the utility room, in which the family keeps a refrigerator in addition to the usual washer and dryer. The family room (possibly in the west corner) had been claimed by the late [[Bob Chandler]], who apparently slept there as well. If Chris's parents ever had, or used, dedicated bedrooms in the house, they have yet to be filmed.

==Second floor==
[[Image:411-CWCWeekP5 crop 2.jpg|thumb|right|[[Barbara]] moving Chris's earthly possessions from [[Richmond]] back to the living room in [[April 2000]]. The junk was already amassing.]]

[[Chris's room]] is in the northern corner of the second floor. Across the hallway, near the eastern corner, is a filthy bathroom, which apparently has not been cleaned in years, as implied by the layers of dark brown or green mold growing in the shower and the peeling of the veneer on the cabinetry. The kitchen and dining area are apparently near the southern corner and southwestern wall. The computer Chris uses for Internet access seems to be in this part of the house, as is a Christmas tree left up year-round. Tellingly, Chris has actually photographed himself with [[Officer Nasty]] and [[sex toys|dildos]] in the kitchen, and has even [[mass debating|mass debated]] over a webcam feed. This implies that Snorlax (and Bob, when he was still with us) never actually leave the areas in which they sleep and spend their days there, leaving Chris free to do [[sex tape|whatever he wants]] undisturbed. The living room, packed with boxes and shit, is across the stairway from Chris's room.

==Yard==
On first examination, you'd be forgiven for mistaking Chris's yard for Silent Hill. It consists of some simple crossed wood planters near the curb and some small shrubs and trees out front. The plants in the planters have long since [[Chris and death|died]], probably due to a [[Dirty crapped briefs|dark stench]] poisoning the air. The backyard contains a shed and a small platform leading to a back entrance. The shed is full of shit, most notably a car, and was once the place where The Lumberjack would tinker with machines. After that, there are some trees and the pen where [[Patti]] once played. Her doghouse still stands, and she is buried nearby. At some point, a tree branch fell on the grave. Being the lazy-ass pansy that he is, Chris cannot summon the strength to pick the damn thing up.

However, in earlier pictures (when Chris was less huge and he had yet to start the [[Fuck Quest]]), we can see that the yard used to be quite lush and beautiful, with a variety of flowers planted around the area, the grass clipped, and healthy trees. Many people speculate that over the years, Chris's parents have gotten too old or too lazy to care for their garden, leaving the area neglected.

As of [[August 2010]], it is very apparent that Chris's parents have completely given up on lawn care, with none of the grass cut at all. Many of the grass and weeds surrounding the house are almost four feet tall, obscuring many parts of the residence altogether. {{cite}}

==Mail==
{{quote|Hand-Written and Hand-Drawn Submissions are also accepted, ONLY addressed to: Christian Weston Chandler 14 Branchland Ct. Ruckersville, VA 22968. ALL letters addressed to any NAME other than "Christian Weston Chandler" or "Christopher Weston Chandler", will be Immediately disposed of with Paper Recyling, or be "Returned to Sender" with a frown face on it. ALL Visually Grotesque, Shocking and Offensive art works and letters will be disposed of properly as well.|Chris on contacting him, [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=CWCipedia:Copyrights CWCipedia]|2=[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=CWCipedia:Copyrights CWCipedia copyright page]}}

If you would like to send a letter to Christian, or perhaps mail hid mother some of the many [[nudes|NOODZ]] he has posted on the Internets in recent times, you can contact him at:

:''Christian Weston Chandler,''
:''14 Branchland Court,''
:''[[Ruckersville]],'' [[Virginia|VA]] 22968-9545,''
:''[[United States of America]]''

'''NOTE:'''
:Based on previous experience with mail, it is likely that one of two things will happen to the letter should you choose to send it: 1.) It will be intercepted by Chris, who apparently takes his parents' (now that Bob kicked it, his mother's) mail on a regular basis, or 2.) Barbara will receive it, and dismiss it as old news (reports show that his parents have read some of the letters and ignored them).

Chris will respond to fan mail, provided there's a return address on the envelope.

==Visiting==
Visits to 14 Branchland Court, at least until Chris inherits the house and promptly trades the deed to a troll for some magic beans so said troll can found the "Christian Weston Chandler Museum of Fail", are ill-advised. While a troll who does manage to make it to the front door will probably not be assaulted by Chris, they will most likely face Chris as he calls for his elderly parents to fight his battle or perform a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]].

To date, Chris has extended personalized invitations to [[Clyde Cash]], [[Liquid Chris]], the staff of [[Asperchu#Asperpedia|Asperpedia]], and pretty much anybody that has ever thought ill of Chris to come to his house, so that he might [[Death threats|murder them]]. To date, none of them has taken him up on his offer. The scenario of such a meeting would likely be reminiscent of the [[hooker incident]], wherein the police would be promptly summoned whilst Chris hides, crying, behind his mother.

==Chris and his address==
Giving away one's home address on the Internet is generally considered unwise. Possibly Chris didn't realize this, or perhaps he realizes that [[trolls]] have so thoroughly and permanently violated his privacy that attempting to preserve it is a lost cause. In any case, he has publicly announced his home address on a number of occasions, in YouTube videos and elsewhere.

* Shortly after 21 July 2009, when [[CChanSonichuCWC]] released a video promoting his ''Sonichu'' merchandise, Chris posted his address in a YouTube comment in hopes of a physical confrontation with the "impostor".
* On 14 August 2009, in the video [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|"NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!"]], Chris rattled off his address as a way of attempting to prove his identity.
* He did the same thing in his [[CWC Public Disclaimer]], also released on 14 August 2009.
* On 23 November 2009, in the [[CWC_Personal_Sonichu_Presentation|''Sonichu'' Presentation]], Chris provided his address (as well as his home and mobile phone numbers) in hopes of attracting investment in his comic book characters.
* On 15 January 2010, Chris released a [[15 January 2010|video]] where he summoned the creators of the Asperpedia to his home address for a confrontation.
* On 27 August 2010, Chris gave out his address and phone number in a [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|YouTube video]] seeking to organize a high school reunion. In the same video, he warned viewers to be careful with their personal information on the Internet, taking his anti-grasp of irony to incredible new levels.
* Chris has published his address on his websites at various times. It was available at the bottom of the main page on the [[CWCipedia]] for most of the time Chris used the site.

==See also==
* [[Chris's room]]
* [[Chris's kitchen]]
* [[Ruckersville, VA]]
* [[Charlottesville, VA]]
* [[Tour of Christian's House]]
* [[Chris's homes]]

==External links==
Other famous hoarders:
* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collyer_brothers The Collyer Brothers] - Infamous NY hoarders who ended up being crushed to death by their own shit.
* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edmund_Trebus Edmund Trebus] -An eccentric Polish immigrant who ended up being a TV star because of his hoarding.

==References==
<references />

{{Places}}

[[Category:Chris's house]]
[[Category:Pages with fan videos]]

June 2010

2010-11-17T05:55:09Z

Kazmeyer:

[[Image:Grandtheft_CWC.jpg|thumb|On '''4 June''', Christian's vendetta against those who wronged him continued.]]
[[Image:100 0695.JPG|thumb|Chris on '''18 June''', proving to us that he hasn't learned a damn thing.]]
[[Image:Youvebeentrolled.png|thumb|On '''22 June''' Chris takes plagiarism to a brand new low.]]
[[File:GrayScaleChris.jpg|thumb|On '''30 June''' Chris looks for love on Flipnote Hatena.]]
'''June 2010''' started out with a whimper. After Chris's [[100 2189|fourth threat]] to leave the [[Internet]], many fully expected that Chris would not keep to his word. The first signs of him not staying true to his word was the fact that he continued to log in to his [[YouTube]] account. However, some suspect that the ''real'' reason he was quiet for the start of the month was ''[[ModNation Racers]]''.

The silence was then broken on 4 June. Chris traveled to [[The GAMe PLACe]] with the desire to take a picture of [[Michael Snyder]] so that he could print it out and put it on a dartboard. Long story short, Chris attempts vehicular homicide while [[Alcohol|drunk]] and he's let off scot-free by the [[police]]. Two days later, he makes a video addressing these events, and announces that he's leaving the Internet. [[Chris and hypocrisy|Again]]. [[Youtube Finale|For]] [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|the]] [[100 2188|fifth]] [[100 2189|time]].

Chris then fell silent for twelve days. As usual, a few faggots jumped to the conclusion that the CWC saga was over. The faithful were then rewarded on 18 June, when a field agent spotted Chris at the [[Fridays After Five]] event in [[Charlottesville]]. He then took several pictures of Chris and uploaded them to the internet for the world to see. In a few of these pictures, he is wearing a [[sports bra]] which reads "[[Love Quest|WANT WOMAN]]", thus showing that ever since he was compelled to leave the internet by [[Rocky|an outside force]], he has gone back to the era of the [[attraction sign]]. This time around, it's not so much retarded as it is really creepy.

At the same time, trolls discovered where Chris had gone off to -- the [[Flipnote Hatena]], a website created by Nintendo for the Nintendo DSi program Flipnote. Clearly, he has failed to take to heart the advice of whoever is trying to get him to keep off the internet. As well, he's taken his Love Quest to this place, attempting to win hearts only to be attacked by [[trolls]] and finding out those he's had interest in are [[pedofork|not of his age]].

==Events of June 2010==
* 4 June - The Charlottesville Incident. Chris makes a [[Reeb|drunken]] trip to [[The GAMe PLACe]], one of the places he's banned from, takes a photograph of the [[manajerk]] [[Michael Snyder]] and is confronted by the Snyders and the police.
* 6 June - Michael speaks out. [http://www.youtube.com/comment_servlet?all_comments=1&v=Uvgy-m2KbGw Mike on YouTube] claims that Chris tried to [[pedofork|take pictures of his daughter]] and [http://www.youtube.com/comment_search?username=thercholic tried to run him over].
* 6 June - Chris uploads a [[June062010.MOV|video]] addressing Michael Snyder's accusation against him, along with dispelling the rumor that he sexually molests his [[cats]].
* 10 June - TV Tropes article on ''[[Sonichu]]'' gets deleted and locked due to "negativity".
* 17 June - TV Tropes article gets partly restored but is still locked to prevent an edit war.
* 18 June - Chris's half-brother [[Cole Smithey]] becomes an object of hate to the general public after he gives the first negative review to the otherwise critically-acclaimed ''Toy Story 3''.
* 18 June - Chris attends the [[Fridays After Five‎]] event, dressed as a [[gay]] trucker and acting like a [[pedofork]].
* 19 June - [[Clyde Cash]] informs the CWCki of Chris's [[Flipnote Hatena]] account, giving trolls yet another way to monitor Chris's actions since he "left the internet".
* 21 June - Chris uploads his second Flipnote creation: an oddly un-Chris-like animation of a stick figure going nowhere, with a high-pitched hum as the only sound. He describes the note as an "Ultimate Nightmare".
* 22 June - Chris continues his Flipnote Hatena spree with a message about anti-bad mouthing.
* 24 June - Chris adds in another Flipnote animation filled with [[fail]]ed [[Random-access humor|random access humor]].
* 25 June - Chris posts two new Flipnote animations. Including stolen random access humor.
* 26 June - The [[CWCipedia]], along with the entirety of the original [[CWCki]] and [[PVCC]], is terminated from the 110mb server.
* 27 June - In a [[Tagged Flipnote|new Flipnote]], Chris claims he is [[Cheesy!|not crazy]]. He also posts [[RandomSong1|his shitty song about cow milk]].
* 28 June - Chris uploads [[Edit Me]] and [http://flipnote.hatena.com/5348F770A0A92AE8@DSi/movie/A92AE8_09DA28892A0A2_001?in=user solicits himself to the Flipnote community].
* 29 June - Chris uploads [[An Ol' Classic Dream]], practically breaking all Flipnote Hatena rules, and wanting attention just for an uncensored version. Then, it gets removed, but he reposts it again, but gets removed hours later. Then, the third got removed a minute after posting. Will he ever learn? He puts up a [[For_Women_ONLY|fourth Flipnote]], which reuses the Sonichu and Rosechu from [[Edit Me]] and shouts out to all the wimmens. (SPOILER: He doesn't learn, ever.)
* 30 June - Chris uploads [[CWC 3D Voice Check]], this time showcasing his abilities in 3D and his [[Donald Duck|good impressions]], including Popeye, and [[Optimus Prime]] Not to mention ripping off Monty Python's Flying Circus again, as well as reminding us all of Flying Elephants. Soon after, this video was mysteriously removed.
{{Timeline}}

User:AngieCrosby

2010-11-15T05:51:51Z

Kazmeyer: /* P90X Excessive Property Conditioning Work out Course */

Spam is bad, mmmmkay.

Chris and the law

2010-11-12T09:32:19Z

Kazmeyer: /* Understanding */

[[Image:116-CWCCop.jpg|thumb|Chris aways keeps an eye out for criminal scum who would dare steal [[Sonichu]].]]

'''Laws''' are rules set up to help keep citizens in check. They are usually enforced by [[Jerkops|the law enforcement]] of that area and penalties are placed on those who don't follow the laws.

For [[Chris]], however, these just serve as another deterrent in his quest for [[china]].

==Understanding==
{{quote|I have been giving him reasons since the police came in June of [[2008]], and nothing has sunken into that [[Hello, Juffalo|clown head]] of his.|[[Michael Snyder]]}}

[[Image:Impliedshooting.jpg|thumb|left|Chris implying guns are the answer.]]

Like his grip on [[Chris and reality|reality]], Chris's understanding of the law is uneasy at best. He regularly threatens trolls with legal action, and makes no distinction in severity between a troll threatening violence against Chris and a troll uploading a harmless picture of [[Rosechu]] with a [[pickle]] to the internet. As a matter of fact, Chris himself is prone to making [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|extremely violent threats]], such as threatening to murder [[Vivian]] and her entire family because of the [[audiobooks]]. He's done everything from calling the police to convincing his father to write to then-[[George W. Bush|President Bush]] in an attempt to get rid of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page. He has even attempted (poorly) to impersonate the President in a hilarious attempt to convince the trolls at ED to take down his page.<ref>http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=prev&oldid=1997405266</ref> He's even attempted to contact current [[Barack Obama|President Obama]] to stop people from posting gay ads! Chris also believes that the laws in [[CWCville]] and the laws stated in [[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!|Mailbag 55]] should be enforced ''in real life.''

Chris himself doesn't have much respect for laws and rules, at least when [[Chris and hypocrisy|their enforcement inconveniences him]]. During his time at [[Get-Tar Region|Target]] he didn't see anything wrong with exploiting the free refill policy and loitering for hours at a time in a privately-owned establishment while harassing female customers and apparently [[Attraction Sign|soliciting sex]]. Chris feels that his [[Virgin with Rage|emotional state]] entirely justifies his actions at times, stating in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]] that he should be excused for disturbing the peace by literally shouting "[[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"|NOOOOOOO!]]" loudly in the middle of a crowded mall.

Self-contradictory to a fault, though, Chris is happy to meticulously follow some laws while ignoring others at the same time. In [[Sonichu Special 4]], his cartoon avatar makes a point of obeying the exact speed limit... while on his way to confront [[CChanSonichuCWC]] and commit assault with a deadly weapon upon him. Any intelligent and decent person could tell you which of these laws is more important, but Chris is neither intelligent nor decent. In [[05142010|a May 2010 video]], Chris states that a man deserves twenty years in prison for brutally beating his girlfriend to death with his bare hands, which is just twice the penalty he wants for smoking.

In addition, Chris has very little respect for [[Jerkops|those who enforce the law]]:

{{quote|Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off. |Excerpt from Chris's [[CWC's Diary|diary]]}}

The above quote pretty much defines Chris's attitude towards law enforcement officials. He feels that it is completely appropriate to flip off, insult, and lie to people who are simply doing their jobs. And, of course, as any rational person (i.e., anyone who's not Chris) would understand, running away from law enforcement officials is a seriously bad idea. Chris is truly a rebel without a cause or effect.

The [[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris_lies_about_The_Game_Place|correspondence with Jackie]] revealed that in the trial on the Target incident, Chris thought that his work with the [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Chris_the_TCG_gamer|Pokémon TCG League]] let him off the hook. In reality, the court probably acquitted him either on a technicality or insufficient evidence. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting", whereas the actual charge was "Disorderly Conduct"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his [[Love Quest]] efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

==Law troubles==
On 11 September [[2004]], Chris was detained at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] for loitering, and continually arguing with the staff over a number of months. The incident is depicted in [[Sub-Episode 1]]. Chris was banned from returning to the mall on his own and without his parents' company. However, it appears that this ban was lifted or ignored soon afterward.

On 20 July [[2005]], Chris was charged with disorderly conduct and trespassing at Target,<ref name="Criminal Searches">[http://www.criminalsearches.com/details.aspx?id=w1x00xC8&vw=criminal&1=Wpem9DAEtHH%2fFwSXuzfStJ2LvpHgv1YXUU3kPiyr3%2fQ%3d&input=name CriminalSearches.com], which has the Virginia Administrative Office of the Courts as their source</ref> as depicted in [[Sub-Episode 7]] and [[Sub-Episode 8]]. After two hearings,<ref name="Criminal Searches" /><ref>[[MySpace#Lindsay]]</ref> prosecutors chose to drop the case and Chris was not punished.

Five days later, Chris caused an auto accident when he followed another car too closely and rear-ended it. This went to court on 12 September 2005.<ref name="Criminal Searches" /> He was fined $30 and had to pay $56 in court costs.

Chris's various run-ins at [[The GAMe PLACe]] have resulted in the cops being called on him a couple times. At least once after Chris called in his parents after he was initially banned from the location and tried to weasel his way back in, and again when he [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|trespassed on the property]], though he wasn't charged with anything on either occasion.

On 4 [[June 2010]], Chris made yet another pilgrimage to The GAMe PLACe. Chris was armed with his camera, and while Mike was concerned that Chris wanted pictures of his daughter for [[Mass Debating|disturbing reasons]], Chris maintains that he merely wanted a picture of Mike [[Death threats|for use as a dartboard]]. Still disturbing, but in entirely different ways. Chris was caught in the parking lot despite trying to run away, and was questioned by the police, who made him delete the pictures he had taken, and basically told him to quit his shit. Chris made his [[6 June 2010]] video in response to these events.

==Chris's parents and law==

It's not hard to figure out why Chris thinks the law should serve him and him alone. His parents, too, have the same problem.

* When Chris was thrown out of the [[Wikipedia:Cub Scouting (Boy Scouts of America)|Cub Scouts]] after an unknown incident, his parents attempted to sue the [[Wikipedia:Boy Scouts of America|Boy Scouts of America]] for [[Kick the autistic|discrimination]].<ref>[[Mailbag 18]]</ref>
* When Chris threw a tantrum that required him to be restrained, Bob attempted to sue the school.
* When [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] took a picture of Chris and uploaded it to the Internet, Chris's parents threatened them with legal action (but never followed through).
* When [[Snorlax]] thought she had indigestion (actually [[Wikipedia:colitis|colitis]]), she acted like she was going to sue the Chinese place the food came from. When the doctor actually explained what happened, she dropped the subject.
* Chris inherited his love of running from problems - when his parents had their absurd case against Greene County used against them, their first reaction was to run to another county.
* When [[Asperchu|Alec]] called the Chandler household posing as [[Game Place]] employee Matthew Nobel, they claimed that taking pictures of somebody without their knowledge or consent was "Not illegal." It is ironic, given that they threatened to sue Mimms and Lucas for exactly the same thing.
* During that same call, Bob seems to completely disregard the concept that an individual can be barred from private property, saying, "it's a business place," as though that has any more bearing on the law and how it affects his son than, say, the color of the store's walls.

==Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws==
[[Image:AL cover.gif|thumb|Where Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws come from.]]
As he believes the police in real life are corrupt and sees them in the same light as he sees the [[jerkop]]s in his comic, Chris has his own spin on the law. The penalties for [[Alcohol|drinking]], [[Tobacky|smoking]] and [[troll|internet harassment]] involve physical violence including a "Kick in the Teeth" which Chris portrays as a punch in [[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008|the only one]] of his supposed series of Q&A videos.

On [[December 2009|New Year's Eve, 2009]], Chris presented a nice babble about a law he wants made to prevent [[Jack Thaddeus]] from using adspace he paid for.

{{quote|I Have The Instinct, and I Have Already [[CWC-ism|Snail-Mailed]] President Barack Obama on how this sort of bad advertisement is going on and how it is Wrong and should be made Illegal. On HOW if the Main Captain does not WANT or IS OFFENDED with the listed Ads within his own Website or Works, REGARDLESS of who controls the AdSpace, WOULD REMOVE THOSE ADS or face JAILTIME. And the F.B.I. would be FULLY INVOLVED in all this, and THEY have the Power, Tools and Balls to seek, hunt down and bring in the Individual Internet Trolls and Ad-Spammers.|Chris, [[Chris and his Ego|Thinking he's important]]}}

Yes, you heard it right. Chris wants to ask the President of the United States to make [[Chris and Reality|advertisements he doesn't like illegal.]] From a practical standpoint, CWCipedia is the only wiki that has a "Main Captain." This "Main Captain" does literally nothing to run or maintain the site at all. Furthermore, if someone paid for adspace, the host that received the money must allow the purchasing party to use said adspace for the allotted time, no matter what they advertise, or the host faces legal penalties. And last but not least, the President has better things to do than slap laws on wikis. It also escapes Chris's mind that the President doesn't make law. He would have had a better chance if he had mailed his congressman. He of course, will never.

This attitude is also reflected on his relationship with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[2003|Years ago]], she interrupted Chris in what looked like [[Love Quest#Conflicts with Mary Lee Walsh|soliciting for sex]]. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Hilarity ensued]] and Chris received a well-deserved [[Autism papers|time-out]] for [[Chris and anger|his antics]]. Fast-forward in [[2009]] when Chris, [[One Blessing, and One Curse|out of the blue]], decides to make peace. He went to her office and left her a [[:File:Apology_to_Mary_Lee.jpg|"Framed Hand-Drawn Apology"]] on her doorsteps. Knowing Chris's attitude, she filled a trespassing notice. In pure stalker logic, Chris said that since he didn't read the letter and returned it to the sender, [[Mailbag 26#Mary Lee Walsh trolls IRL|he's not legally liable]].

[[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!|Mailbag 55]] posits a few more original laws: one, that it should be illegal for men to ever show their bare chest (because, according to Chris, no one in the entire world ever wants to see a man's bare chest, no matter what shape he's in). He also wants to force all women in any kind of relationship to wear rings, thus defeating all symbolism and significance of them.

Due to Chris being forced away from the Internet, Chris has begun to formulate a new law, the "Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing," starting with his second [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote]], [[Don'tGetTrolled!]]. What this entails is unknown, but by the sounds if it, he wishes for a law where no one can ever speak up against anyone in a negative tone, thus allowing Chris to continue to have his e-peen stroked while the trolls can't touch him. While there have been laws that punish those that lead to others being harmed via the Internet, the Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing is one of the ridiculous ideas ever, as it leads to a complete and utter smashing of the Bill of Rights, specifically Freedom of Speech.

TL;DR: Chris ignores the law when it's inconvenient, yet expects it to save the day when the [[Autism]] card doesn't work.

==In the comic==

Chris's understanding of the law in his comics goes so far as to been seen as a mixture of childish tendencies and, some might say, authoritarianism. In [[CWCville]], Chris has banned a number of things in his city. Smoking or drinking alcohol would lead one to be either sentenced to ten years in prison or a much more lenient US$1,500 fine (although, as CWCville uses C-Quarters and W-Quarters for currency, it's not clear why fines are levied in US dollars).<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> However, it should be noted that Chris [[Rollin' and Trollin'|repealed the law]] in [[June 2009]].

Even stranger is the the fact that the city tends to lack other races or even other sub-cultures, beyond Chris, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], a handful of (white) males and females, and the few Transformers in his town. This lack of diversity leads many to think that Chris has banned them as well. The Rosechus tend to fight for [[women's rights]], that is to say, the ability to strip naked whenever and wherever they want to, not to mention the fact that full legal rights for women are already established across the US, suggesting that Chris has imposed discriminating laws against women in CWCville.

Chris has been seen as a do-nothing Mayor, preferring to have [[Allison Amber|his secretary]] do all the work (as per his thoughts on women) while he goes off on another one of his sweetheart searches. He has mandated "[[Dating Education]]" classes for students so that they can learn to go on dates, as well as how to "stay straight."

[[List_of_Sonichu_characters#Constables_Gerald_Grant_and_Louis_Perez|Actual police officers]] did not appear until [[Sonichu 10|quite late]] and even then, they did nothing whatever, giving the impression that Chris and his Pokémon abominations are the only thing standing in between peace and eternal virgins with rage. However, [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] seems to reveal that there are three sets of "other" protectors: a (possibly) nondescript police force (distinct from [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s [[jerkops]]), as well as his own team of [[Power Rangers]] and a team of [[Transformers]].

{{quote|Is CWCville under Martial Law? |[[Jack Thaddeus]] citing the truth as he sees it}}

It gets even scarier. In a conversation that [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3|Chris had with Jack Thaddeus]], he reveals that CWCville is the home of a paramilitary force equipped with tanks which he uses as a "Police Force", and all his Electric Hedgehog Pokémon enjoy immunity from prosecution and are above the law. If we add all this to the fact that there are no free elections in CWCville, this shows us the city in the hands of a dictator running it with an iron fist, and backed with super-powered goons who are free to do any atrocity with impunity. According to Chris, Magi-Chan mentally scans the city perimeters for any sexual acts, and reports any homosexual activity to the authorities. The participants are then [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|"tried and fined HEAVILY; $500 or 50 Hours of Community Service"]]. Apparently in CWCville, the [[Wikipedia:Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution]] does not apply in matters of personal sexual choice. This might put him at odds with [[Chris and sex#Pedophilia|his own sexual ideals...]]

In a strange [[Chris and hypocrisy|set of double standards]], Chris has been shown to injure, kill, or damage people and property ''outside of CWCVille''. [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] has shown no less than three grievous acts upon others: the destruction of the 4-cent_garbage building, the murder of over one hundred alleged "trolls" in said destruction, breaking and entering, and destroying Internet files and property.

Following the death of [[Simonla]], the culprits (Alec, Mao, Sean and Evan) are subjected to a show trial, and given no defense attorney by the state (violating the [[Wikipedia:Sixth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Sixth Amendment]]) forcing Sean to act as their lawyer despite being high as a kite. There is no solid evidence presented for the murder charge, aside from the Voltorb remote (which the prosecutor never tried to prove belonged to them) and wholly unreliable "psychic evidence" extracted by Magi-Chan. When they're railroaded and found guilty, they're ''killed by the people they've wronged'' (read: murdered brutally by cartoon characters), in a gross violation of the [[Wikipedia:Eighth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Eighth Amendment]] forbidding cruel and unusual punishment.

Demonstrating Chris's limited understanding of trials (as his knowledge of trials stems purely from television), the kangaroo court integrates both elements of civil and criminal trials. The Asperpedia Four are not only prosecuted for murder by a [[Marvey Blaziken|state attorney]], as per a criminal trial, but also charged with defamation of character, libel, and copyright infringement (as well as several charges such as "profanity to the max" that would hold no water in an actual court) by Chris and his cohorts, as per a civil trial. Surely enough, Chris, Sonichu, and Rosechu are sitting in a bench marked "PLAINTIF" [''sic'']. That both civil and criminal charges are included in one trial not only demonstrates a poor understanding of the courtroom process, but is further proof that Chris considers "slanderous mockeries" and other torts on par with major crimes such as murder and assault. To add to the equation, one normally cannot be given a death sentence (or any sentence, for that matter) for being guilty in a civil trial, but in the Asperpedia Four trial civil charges are the primary reason for the death sentence. In summary, the CWCville court system is a constitutional nightmare that violates multiple articles and amendments, and has no concept of due process. One must wonder why it is allowed to exist within the borders of the United States.

tl;dr: Any semblance of law in CWCville exists solely to further the wishes of its tyrannical (and murderous) Mayor.

==See also==
*[[Parody]]
*[[Jerkop]]
*[[Manajerk]]

==Sauces==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and the law

2010-11-12T09:30:50Z

Kazmeyer: /* Law troubles */

[[Image:116-CWCCop.jpg|thumb|Chris aways keeps an eye out for criminal scum who would dare steal [[Sonichu]].]]

'''Laws''' are rules set up to help keep citizens in check. They are usually enforced by [[Jerkops|the law enforcement]] of that area and penalties are placed on those who don't follow the laws.

For [[Chris]], however, these just serve as another deterrent in his quest for [[china]].

==Understanding==
{{quote|I have been giving him reasons since the police came in June of [[2008]], and nothing has sunken into that [[Hello, Juffalo|clown head]] of his.|[[Michael Snyder]]}}

[[Image:Impliedshooting.jpg|thumb|left|Chris implying guns are the answer.]]

Like his grip on [[Chris and reality|reality]], Chris's understanding of the law is uneasy at best. He regularly threatens trolls with legal action, and makes no distinction in severity between a troll threatening violence against Chris and a troll uploading a harmless picture of [[Rosechu]] with a [[pickle]] to the internet. As a matter of fact, Chris himself is prone to making [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|extremely violent threats]], such as threatening to murder [[Vivian]] and her entire family because of the [[audiobooks]]. He's done everything from calling the police to convincing his father to write to then-[[George W. Bush|President Bush]] in an attempt to get rid of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page. He has even attempted (poorly) to impersonate the President in a hilarious attempt to convince the trolls at ED to take down his page.<ref>http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=prev&oldid=1997405266</ref> He's even attempted to contact current [[Barack Obama|President Obama]] to stop people from posting gay ads! Chris also believes that the laws in [[CWCville]] and the laws stated in [[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!|Mailbag 55]] should be enforced ''in real life.''

Chris himself doesn't have much respect for laws and rules, at least when [[Chris and hypocrisy|their enforcement inconveniences him]]. During his time at [[Get-Tar Region|Target]] he didn't see anything wrong with exploiting the free refill policy and loitering for hours at a time in a privately-owned establishment while harassing female customers and apparently [[Attraction Sign|soliciting sex]]. Chris feels that his [[Virgin with Rage|emotional state]] entirely justifies his actions at times, stating in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]] that he should be excused for disturbing the peace by literally shouting "[[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"|NOOOOOOO!]]" loudly in the middle of a crowded mall.

Self-contradictory to a fault, though, Chris is happy to meticulously follow some laws while ignoring others at the same time. In [[Sonichu Special 4]], his cartoon avatar makes a point of obeying the exact speed limit... while on his way to confront [[CChanSonichuCWC]] and commit assault with a deadly weapon upon him. Any intelligent and decent person could tell you which of these laws is more important, but Chris is neither intelligent nor decent. In [[05142010|a May 2010 video]], Chris states that a man deserves twenty years in prison for brutally beating his girlfriend to death with his bare hands, which is just twice the penalty he wants for smoking.

In addition, Chris has very little respect for [[Jerkops|those who enforce the law]]:

{{quote|Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off. |Excerpt from Chris's [[CWC's Diary|diary]]}}

The above quote pretty much defines Chris's attitude towards law enforcement officials. He feels that it is completely appropriate to flip off, insult, lie to, assault, and in some cases even kill people who are simply doing their jobs (although the tale may be exaggerated, it is nonetheless pretty damn awful). And, of course, as any rational person (i.e., anyone who's not Chris) would understand, running away from law enforcement officials is a seriously bad idea. Chris is truly a rebel without a cause or effect.

The [[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris_lies_about_The_Game_Place|correspondence with Jackie]] revealed that in the trial on the Target incident, Chris thought that his work with the [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Chris_the_TCG_gamer|Pokémon TCG League]] let him off the hook. In reality, the court probably acquitted him either on a technicality or insufficient evidence. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting", whereas the actual charge was "Disorderly Conduct"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his [[Love Quest]] efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

==Law troubles==
On 11 September [[2004]], Chris was detained at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] for loitering, and continually arguing with the staff over a number of months. The incident is depicted in [[Sub-Episode 1]]. Chris was banned from returning to the mall on his own and without his parents' company. However, it appears that this ban was lifted or ignored soon afterward.

On 20 July [[2005]], Chris was charged with disorderly conduct and trespassing at Target,<ref name="Criminal Searches">[http://www.criminalsearches.com/details.aspx?id=w1x00xC8&vw=criminal&1=Wpem9DAEtHH%2fFwSXuzfStJ2LvpHgv1YXUU3kPiyr3%2fQ%3d&input=name CriminalSearches.com], which has the Virginia Administrative Office of the Courts as their source</ref> as depicted in [[Sub-Episode 7]] and [[Sub-Episode 8]]. After two hearings,<ref name="Criminal Searches" /><ref>[[MySpace#Lindsay]]</ref> prosecutors chose to drop the case and Chris was not punished.

Five days later, Chris caused an auto accident when he followed another car too closely and rear-ended it. This went to court on 12 September 2005.<ref name="Criminal Searches" /> He was fined $30 and had to pay $56 in court costs.

Chris's various run-ins at [[The GAMe PLACe]] have resulted in the cops being called on him a couple times. At least once after Chris called in his parents after he was initially banned from the location and tried to weasel his way back in, and again when he [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|trespassed on the property]], though he wasn't charged with anything on either occasion.

On 4 [[June 2010]], Chris made yet another pilgrimage to The GAMe PLACe. Chris was armed with his camera, and while Mike was concerned that Chris wanted pictures of his daughter for [[Mass Debating|disturbing reasons]], Chris maintains that he merely wanted a picture of Mike [[Death threats|for use as a dartboard]]. Still disturbing, but in entirely different ways. Chris was caught in the parking lot despite trying to run away, and was questioned by the police, who made him delete the pictures he had taken, and basically told him to quit his shit. Chris made his [[6 June 2010]] video in response to these events.

==Chris's parents and law==

It's not hard to figure out why Chris thinks the law should serve him and him alone. His parents, too, have the same problem.

* When Chris was thrown out of the [[Wikipedia:Cub Scouting (Boy Scouts of America)|Cub Scouts]] after an unknown incident, his parents attempted to sue the [[Wikipedia:Boy Scouts of America|Boy Scouts of America]] for [[Kick the autistic|discrimination]].<ref>[[Mailbag 18]]</ref>
* When Chris threw a tantrum that required him to be restrained, Bob attempted to sue the school.
* When [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] took a picture of Chris and uploaded it to the Internet, Chris's parents threatened them with legal action (but never followed through).
* When [[Snorlax]] thought she had indigestion (actually [[Wikipedia:colitis|colitis]]), she acted like she was going to sue the Chinese place the food came from. When the doctor actually explained what happened, she dropped the subject.
* Chris inherited his love of running from problems - when his parents had their absurd case against Greene County used against them, their first reaction was to run to another county.
* When [[Asperchu|Alec]] called the Chandler household posing as [[Game Place]] employee Matthew Nobel, they claimed that taking pictures of somebody without their knowledge or consent was "Not illegal." It is ironic, given that they threatened to sue Mimms and Lucas for exactly the same thing.
* During that same call, Bob seems to completely disregard the concept that an individual can be barred from private property, saying, "it's a business place," as though that has any more bearing on the law and how it affects his son than, say, the color of the store's walls.

==Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws==
[[Image:AL cover.gif|thumb|Where Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws come from.]]
As he believes the police in real life are corrupt and sees them in the same light as he sees the [[jerkop]]s in his comic, Chris has his own spin on the law. The penalties for [[Alcohol|drinking]], [[Tobacky|smoking]] and [[troll|internet harassment]] involve physical violence including a "Kick in the Teeth" which Chris portrays as a punch in [[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008|the only one]] of his supposed series of Q&A videos.

On [[December 2009|New Year's Eve, 2009]], Chris presented a nice babble about a law he wants made to prevent [[Jack Thaddeus]] from using adspace he paid for.

{{quote|I Have The Instinct, and I Have Already [[CWC-ism|Snail-Mailed]] President Barack Obama on how this sort of bad advertisement is going on and how it is Wrong and should be made Illegal. On HOW if the Main Captain does not WANT or IS OFFENDED with the listed Ads within his own Website or Works, REGARDLESS of who controls the AdSpace, WOULD REMOVE THOSE ADS or face JAILTIME. And the F.B.I. would be FULLY INVOLVED in all this, and THEY have the Power, Tools and Balls to seek, hunt down and bring in the Individual Internet Trolls and Ad-Spammers.|Chris, [[Chris and his Ego|Thinking he's important]]}}

Yes, you heard it right. Chris wants to ask the President of the United States to make [[Chris and Reality|advertisements he doesn't like illegal.]] From a practical standpoint, CWCipedia is the only wiki that has a "Main Captain." This "Main Captain" does literally nothing to run or maintain the site at all. Furthermore, if someone paid for adspace, the host that received the money must allow the purchasing party to use said adspace for the allotted time, no matter what they advertise, or the host faces legal penalties. And last but not least, the President has better things to do than slap laws on wikis. It also escapes Chris's mind that the President doesn't make law. He would have had a better chance if he had mailed his congressman. He of course, will never.

This attitude is also reflected on his relationship with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[2003|Years ago]], she interrupted Chris in what looked like [[Love Quest#Conflicts with Mary Lee Walsh|soliciting for sex]]. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Hilarity ensued]] and Chris received a well-deserved [[Autism papers|time-out]] for [[Chris and anger|his antics]]. Fast-forward in [[2009]] when Chris, [[One Blessing, and One Curse|out of the blue]], decides to make peace. He went to her office and left her a [[:File:Apology_to_Mary_Lee.jpg|"Framed Hand-Drawn Apology"]] on her doorsteps. Knowing Chris's attitude, she filled a trespassing notice. In pure stalker logic, Chris said that since he didn't read the letter and returned it to the sender, [[Mailbag 26#Mary Lee Walsh trolls IRL|he's not legally liable]].

[[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!|Mailbag 55]] posits a few more original laws: one, that it should be illegal for men to ever show their bare chest (because, according to Chris, no one in the entire world ever wants to see a man's bare chest, no matter what shape he's in). He also wants to force all women in any kind of relationship to wear rings, thus defeating all symbolism and significance of them.

Due to Chris being forced away from the Internet, Chris has begun to formulate a new law, the "Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing," starting with his second [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote]], [[Don'tGetTrolled!]]. What this entails is unknown, but by the sounds if it, he wishes for a law where no one can ever speak up against anyone in a negative tone, thus allowing Chris to continue to have his e-peen stroked while the trolls can't touch him. While there have been laws that punish those that lead to others being harmed via the Internet, the Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing is one of the ridiculous ideas ever, as it leads to a complete and utter smashing of the Bill of Rights, specifically Freedom of Speech.

TL;DR: Chris ignores the law when it's inconvenient, yet expects it to save the day when the [[Autism]] card doesn't work.

==In the comic==

Chris's understanding of the law in his comics goes so far as to been seen as a mixture of childish tendencies and, some might say, authoritarianism. In [[CWCville]], Chris has banned a number of things in his city. Smoking or drinking alcohol would lead one to be either sentenced to ten years in prison or a much more lenient US$1,500 fine (although, as CWCville uses C-Quarters and W-Quarters for currency, it's not clear why fines are levied in US dollars).<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> However, it should be noted that Chris [[Rollin' and Trollin'|repealed the law]] in [[June 2009]].

Even stranger is the the fact that the city tends to lack other races or even other sub-cultures, beyond Chris, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], a handful of (white) males and females, and the few Transformers in his town. This lack of diversity leads many to think that Chris has banned them as well. The Rosechus tend to fight for [[women's rights]], that is to say, the ability to strip naked whenever and wherever they want to, not to mention the fact that full legal rights for women are already established across the US, suggesting that Chris has imposed discriminating laws against women in CWCville.

Chris has been seen as a do-nothing Mayor, preferring to have [[Allison Amber|his secretary]] do all the work (as per his thoughts on women) while he goes off on another one of his sweetheart searches. He has mandated "[[Dating Education]]" classes for students so that they can learn to go on dates, as well as how to "stay straight."

[[List_of_Sonichu_characters#Constables_Gerald_Grant_and_Louis_Perez|Actual police officers]] did not appear until [[Sonichu 10|quite late]] and even then, they did nothing whatever, giving the impression that Chris and his Pokémon abominations are the only thing standing in between peace and eternal virgins with rage. However, [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] seems to reveal that there are three sets of "other" protectors: a (possibly) nondescript police force (distinct from [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s [[jerkops]]), as well as his own team of [[Power Rangers]] and a team of [[Transformers]].

{{quote|Is CWCville under Martial Law? |[[Jack Thaddeus]] citing the truth as he sees it}}

It gets even scarier. In a conversation that [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3|Chris had with Jack Thaddeus]], he reveals that CWCville is the home of a paramilitary force equipped with tanks which he uses as a "Police Force", and all his Electric Hedgehog Pokémon enjoy immunity from prosecution and are above the law. If we add all this to the fact that there are no free elections in CWCville, this shows us the city in the hands of a dictator running it with an iron fist, and backed with super-powered goons who are free to do any atrocity with impunity. According to Chris, Magi-Chan mentally scans the city perimeters for any sexual acts, and reports any homosexual activity to the authorities. The participants are then [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|"tried and fined HEAVILY; $500 or 50 Hours of Community Service"]]. Apparently in CWCville, the [[Wikipedia:Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution]] does not apply in matters of personal sexual choice. This might put him at odds with [[Chris and sex#Pedophilia|his own sexual ideals...]]

In a strange [[Chris and hypocrisy|set of double standards]], Chris has been shown to injure, kill, or damage people and property ''outside of CWCVille''. [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] has shown no less than three grievous acts upon others: the destruction of the 4-cent_garbage building, the murder of over one hundred alleged "trolls" in said destruction, breaking and entering, and destroying Internet files and property.

Following the death of [[Simonla]], the culprits (Alec, Mao, Sean and Evan) are subjected to a show trial, and given no defense attorney by the state (violating the [[Wikipedia:Sixth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Sixth Amendment]]) forcing Sean to act as their lawyer despite being high as a kite. There is no solid evidence presented for the murder charge, aside from the Voltorb remote (which the prosecutor never tried to prove belonged to them) and wholly unreliable "psychic evidence" extracted by Magi-Chan. When they're railroaded and found guilty, they're ''killed by the people they've wronged'' (read: murdered brutally by cartoon characters), in a gross violation of the [[Wikipedia:Eighth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Eighth Amendment]] forbidding cruel and unusual punishment.

Demonstrating Chris's limited understanding of trials (as his knowledge of trials stems purely from television), the kangaroo court integrates both elements of civil and criminal trials. The Asperpedia Four are not only prosecuted for murder by a [[Marvey Blaziken|state attorney]], as per a criminal trial, but also charged with defamation of character, libel, and copyright infringement (as well as several charges such as "profanity to the max" that would hold no water in an actual court) by Chris and his cohorts, as per a civil trial. Surely enough, Chris, Sonichu, and Rosechu are sitting in a bench marked "PLAINTIF" [''sic'']. That both civil and criminal charges are included in one trial not only demonstrates a poor understanding of the courtroom process, but is further proof that Chris considers "slanderous mockeries" and other torts on par with major crimes such as murder and assault. To add to the equation, one normally cannot be given a death sentence (or any sentence, for that matter) for being guilty in a civil trial, but in the Asperpedia Four trial civil charges are the primary reason for the death sentence. In summary, the CWCville court system is a constitutional nightmare that violates multiple articles and amendments, and has no concept of due process. One must wonder why it is allowed to exist within the borders of the United States.

tl;dr: Any semblance of law in CWCville exists solely to further the wishes of its tyrannical (and murderous) Mayor.

==See also==
*[[Parody]]
*[[Jerkop]]
*[[Manajerk]]

==Sauces==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and the law

2010-11-12T09:29:49Z

Kazmeyer: /* Chris's parents and law */ fixed a lot of speculation and stuff which had no bearing on the topic "Chris's parents and law"

[[Image:116-CWCCop.jpg|thumb|Chris aways keeps an eye out for criminal scum who would dare steal [[Sonichu]].]]

'''Laws''' are rules set up to help keep citizens in check. They are usually enforced by [[Jerkops|the law enforcement]] of that area and penalties are placed on those who don't follow the laws.

For [[Chris]], however, these just serve as another deterrent in his quest for [[china]].

==Understanding==
{{quote|I have been giving him reasons since the police came in June of [[2008]], and nothing has sunken into that [[Hello, Juffalo|clown head]] of his.|[[Michael Snyder]]}}

[[Image:Impliedshooting.jpg|thumb|left|Chris implying guns are the answer.]]

Like his grip on [[Chris and reality|reality]], Chris's understanding of the law is uneasy at best. He regularly threatens trolls with legal action, and makes no distinction in severity between a troll threatening violence against Chris and a troll uploading a harmless picture of [[Rosechu]] with a [[pickle]] to the internet. As a matter of fact, Chris himself is prone to making [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|extremely violent threats]], such as threatening to murder [[Vivian]] and her entire family because of the [[audiobooks]]. He's done everything from calling the police to convincing his father to write to then-[[George W. Bush|President Bush]] in an attempt to get rid of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page. He has even attempted (poorly) to impersonate the President in a hilarious attempt to convince the trolls at ED to take down his page.<ref>http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=prev&oldid=1997405266</ref> He's even attempted to contact current [[Barack Obama|President Obama]] to stop people from posting gay ads! Chris also believes that the laws in [[CWCville]] and the laws stated in [[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!|Mailbag 55]] should be enforced ''in real life.''

Chris himself doesn't have much respect for laws and rules, at least when [[Chris and hypocrisy|their enforcement inconveniences him]]. During his time at [[Get-Tar Region|Target]] he didn't see anything wrong with exploiting the free refill policy and loitering for hours at a time in a privately-owned establishment while harassing female customers and apparently [[Attraction Sign|soliciting sex]]. Chris feels that his [[Virgin with Rage|emotional state]] entirely justifies his actions at times, stating in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]] that he should be excused for disturbing the peace by literally shouting "[[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"|NOOOOOOO!]]" loudly in the middle of a crowded mall.

Self-contradictory to a fault, though, Chris is happy to meticulously follow some laws while ignoring others at the same time. In [[Sonichu Special 4]], his cartoon avatar makes a point of obeying the exact speed limit... while on his way to confront [[CChanSonichuCWC]] and commit assault with a deadly weapon upon him. Any intelligent and decent person could tell you which of these laws is more important, but Chris is neither intelligent nor decent. In [[05142010|a May 2010 video]], Chris states that a man deserves twenty years in prison for brutally beating his girlfriend to death with his bare hands, which is just twice the penalty he wants for smoking.

In addition, Chris has very little respect for [[Jerkops|those who enforce the law]]:

{{quote|Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off. |Excerpt from Chris's [[CWC's Diary|diary]]}}

The above quote pretty much defines Chris's attitude towards law enforcement officials. He feels that it is completely appropriate to flip off, insult, lie to, assault, and in some cases even kill people who are simply doing their jobs (although the tale may be exaggerated, it is nonetheless pretty damn awful). And, of course, as any rational person (i.e., anyone who's not Chris) would understand, running away from law enforcement officials is a seriously bad idea. Chris is truly a rebel without a cause or effect.

The [[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris_lies_about_The_Game_Place|correspondence with Jackie]] revealed that in the trial on the Target incident, Chris thought that his work with the [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Chris_the_TCG_gamer|Pokémon TCG League]] let him off the hook. In reality, the court probably acquitted him either on a technicality or insufficient evidence. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting", whereas the actual charge was "Disorderly Conduct"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his [[Love Quest]] efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

==Law troubles==
On 11 September [[2004]], Chris was detained at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] for loitering, and continually arguing with the staff over a number of months. The incident is depicted in [[Sub-Episode 1]]. Chris was banned from returning to the mall on his own and without his parents' company. However, it appears that this ban was lifted or ignored soon afterward.

On 20 July [[2005]], Chris was charged with disorderly conduct and trespassing at Target,<ref name="Criminal Searches">[http://www.criminalsearches.com/details.aspx?id=w1x00xC8&vw=criminal&1=Wpem9DAEtHH%2fFwSXuzfStJ2LvpHgv1YXUU3kPiyr3%2fQ%3d&input=name CriminalSearches.com], which has the Virginia Administrative Office of the Courts as their source</ref> as depicted in [[Sub-Episode 7]] and [[Sub-Episode 8]]. After two hearings,<ref name="Criminal Searches" /><ref>[[MySpace#Lindsay]]</ref> prosecutors chose to drop the case and Chris was not punished.

Five days later, Chris caused an auto accident when he followed another car too closely and rear-ended it. This went to court on 12 September 2005.<ref name="Criminal Searches" /> He was fined $30 and had to pay $56 in court costs.

Chris's various run-ins at [[The GAMe PLACe]] have resulted in the cops being called on him a couple times. At least once after Chris called in his parents after he was initially banned from the location and tried to weasel his way back in, and again when he [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|trespassed on the property]], though he wasn't charged with anything on either occasion. It is likely that the only reason Chris isn't sitting in a cell right now for violating Virginia law is because he wasn't at The Game Place when the cops showed up after his [[April 2010]] unbanning attempt.

On 4 [[June 2010]], Chris made yet another pilgrimage to The GAMe PLACe. Chris was armed with his camera, and while Mike was concerned that Chris wanted pictures of his daughter for [[Mass Debating|disturbing reasons]], Chris maintains that he merely wanted a picture of Mike [[Death threats|for use as a dartboard]]. Still disturbing, but in entirely different ways. This time Chris was actually caught on the scene, despite trying to run away, and was questioned by the police, who made him delete the pictures he had taken, and basically told him to quit his shit. Chris made his [[6 June 2010]] video in response to these events.

==Chris's parents and law==

It's not hard to figure out why Chris thinks the law should serve him and him alone. His parents, too, have the same problem.

* When Chris was thrown out of the [[Wikipedia:Cub Scouting (Boy Scouts of America)|Cub Scouts]] after an unknown incident, his parents attempted to sue the [[Wikipedia:Boy Scouts of America|Boy Scouts of America]] for [[Kick the autistic|discrimination]].<ref>[[Mailbag 18]]</ref>
* When Chris threw a tantrum that required him to be restrained, Bob attempted to sue the school.
* When [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] took a picture of Chris and uploaded it to the Internet, Chris's parents threatened them with legal action (but never followed through).
* When [[Snorlax]] thought she had indigestion (actually [[Wikipedia:colitis|colitis]]), she acted like she was going to sue the Chinese place the food came from. When the doctor actually explained what happened, she dropped the subject.
* Chris inherited his love of running from problems - when his parents had their absurd case against Greene County used against them, their first reaction was to run to another county.
* When [[Asperchu|Alec]] called the Chandler household posing as [[Game Place]] employee Matthew Nobel, they claimed that taking pictures of somebody without their knowledge or consent was "Not illegal." It is ironic, given that they threatened to sue Mimms and Lucas for exactly the same thing.
* During that same call, Bob seems to completely disregard the concept that an individual can be barred from private property, saying, "it's a business place," as though that has any more bearing on the law and how it affects his son than, say, the color of the store's walls.

==Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws==
[[Image:AL cover.gif|thumb|Where Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws come from.]]
As he believes the police in real life are corrupt and sees them in the same light as he sees the [[jerkop]]s in his comic, Chris has his own spin on the law. The penalties for [[Alcohol|drinking]], [[Tobacky|smoking]] and [[troll|internet harassment]] involve physical violence including a "Kick in the Teeth" which Chris portrays as a punch in [[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008|the only one]] of his supposed series of Q&A videos.

On [[December 2009|New Year's Eve, 2009]], Chris presented a nice babble about a law he wants made to prevent [[Jack Thaddeus]] from using adspace he paid for.

{{quote|I Have The Instinct, and I Have Already [[CWC-ism|Snail-Mailed]] President Barack Obama on how this sort of bad advertisement is going on and how it is Wrong and should be made Illegal. On HOW if the Main Captain does not WANT or IS OFFENDED with the listed Ads within his own Website or Works, REGARDLESS of who controls the AdSpace, WOULD REMOVE THOSE ADS or face JAILTIME. And the F.B.I. would be FULLY INVOLVED in all this, and THEY have the Power, Tools and Balls to seek, hunt down and bring in the Individual Internet Trolls and Ad-Spammers.|Chris, [[Chris and his Ego|Thinking he's important]]}}

Yes, you heard it right. Chris wants to ask the President of the United States to make [[Chris and Reality|advertisements he doesn't like illegal.]] From a practical standpoint, CWCipedia is the only wiki that has a "Main Captain." This "Main Captain" does literally nothing to run or maintain the site at all. Furthermore, if someone paid for adspace, the host that received the money must allow the purchasing party to use said adspace for the allotted time, no matter what they advertise, or the host faces legal penalties. And last but not least, the President has better things to do than slap laws on wikis. It also escapes Chris's mind that the President doesn't make law. He would have had a better chance if he had mailed his congressman. He of course, will never.

This attitude is also reflected on his relationship with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[2003|Years ago]], she interrupted Chris in what looked like [[Love Quest#Conflicts with Mary Lee Walsh|soliciting for sex]]. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Hilarity ensued]] and Chris received a well-deserved [[Autism papers|time-out]] for [[Chris and anger|his antics]]. Fast-forward in [[2009]] when Chris, [[One Blessing, and One Curse|out of the blue]], decides to make peace. He went to her office and left her a [[:File:Apology_to_Mary_Lee.jpg|"Framed Hand-Drawn Apology"]] on her doorsteps. Knowing Chris's attitude, she filled a trespassing notice. In pure stalker logic, Chris said that since he didn't read the letter and returned it to the sender, [[Mailbag 26#Mary Lee Walsh trolls IRL|he's not legally liable]].

[[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!|Mailbag 55]] posits a few more original laws: one, that it should be illegal for men to ever show their bare chest (because, according to Chris, no one in the entire world ever wants to see a man's bare chest, no matter what shape he's in). He also wants to force all women in any kind of relationship to wear rings, thus defeating all symbolism and significance of them.

Due to Chris being forced away from the Internet, Chris has begun to formulate a new law, the "Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing," starting with his second [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote]], [[Don'tGetTrolled!]]. What this entails is unknown, but by the sounds if it, he wishes for a law where no one can ever speak up against anyone in a negative tone, thus allowing Chris to continue to have his e-peen stroked while the trolls can't touch him. While there have been laws that punish those that lead to others being harmed via the Internet, the Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing is one of the ridiculous ideas ever, as it leads to a complete and utter smashing of the Bill of Rights, specifically Freedom of Speech.

TL;DR: Chris ignores the law when it's inconvenient, yet expects it to save the day when the [[Autism]] card doesn't work.

==In the comic==

Chris's understanding of the law in his comics goes so far as to been seen as a mixture of childish tendencies and, some might say, authoritarianism. In [[CWCville]], Chris has banned a number of things in his city. Smoking or drinking alcohol would lead one to be either sentenced to ten years in prison or a much more lenient US$1,500 fine (although, as CWCville uses C-Quarters and W-Quarters for currency, it's not clear why fines are levied in US dollars).<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> However, it should be noted that Chris [[Rollin' and Trollin'|repealed the law]] in [[June 2009]].

Even stranger is the the fact that the city tends to lack other races or even other sub-cultures, beyond Chris, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], a handful of (white) males and females, and the few Transformers in his town. This lack of diversity leads many to think that Chris has banned them as well. The Rosechus tend to fight for [[women's rights]], that is to say, the ability to strip naked whenever and wherever they want to, not to mention the fact that full legal rights for women are already established across the US, suggesting that Chris has imposed discriminating laws against women in CWCville.

Chris has been seen as a do-nothing Mayor, preferring to have [[Allison Amber|his secretary]] do all the work (as per his thoughts on women) while he goes off on another one of his sweetheart searches. He has mandated "[[Dating Education]]" classes for students so that they can learn to go on dates, as well as how to "stay straight."

[[List_of_Sonichu_characters#Constables_Gerald_Grant_and_Louis_Perez|Actual police officers]] did not appear until [[Sonichu 10|quite late]] and even then, they did nothing whatever, giving the impression that Chris and his Pokémon abominations are the only thing standing in between peace and eternal virgins with rage. However, [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] seems to reveal that there are three sets of "other" protectors: a (possibly) nondescript police force (distinct from [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s [[jerkops]]), as well as his own team of [[Power Rangers]] and a team of [[Transformers]].

{{quote|Is CWCville under Martial Law? |[[Jack Thaddeus]] citing the truth as he sees it}}

It gets even scarier. In a conversation that [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3|Chris had with Jack Thaddeus]], he reveals that CWCville is the home of a paramilitary force equipped with tanks which he uses as a "Police Force", and all his Electric Hedgehog Pokémon enjoy immunity from prosecution and are above the law. If we add all this to the fact that there are no free elections in CWCville, this shows us the city in the hands of a dictator running it with an iron fist, and backed with super-powered goons who are free to do any atrocity with impunity. According to Chris, Magi-Chan mentally scans the city perimeters for any sexual acts, and reports any homosexual activity to the authorities. The participants are then [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|"tried and fined HEAVILY; $500 or 50 Hours of Community Service"]]. Apparently in CWCville, the [[Wikipedia:Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution]] does not apply in matters of personal sexual choice. This might put him at odds with [[Chris and sex#Pedophilia|his own sexual ideals...]]

In a strange [[Chris and hypocrisy|set of double standards]], Chris has been shown to injure, kill, or damage people and property ''outside of CWCVille''. [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] has shown no less than three grievous acts upon others: the destruction of the 4-cent_garbage building, the murder of over one hundred alleged "trolls" in said destruction, breaking and entering, and destroying Internet files and property.

Following the death of [[Simonla]], the culprits (Alec, Mao, Sean and Evan) are subjected to a show trial, and given no defense attorney by the state (violating the [[Wikipedia:Sixth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Sixth Amendment]]) forcing Sean to act as their lawyer despite being high as a kite. There is no solid evidence presented for the murder charge, aside from the Voltorb remote (which the prosecutor never tried to prove belonged to them) and wholly unreliable "psychic evidence" extracted by Magi-Chan. When they're railroaded and found guilty, they're ''killed by the people they've wronged'' (read: murdered brutally by cartoon characters), in a gross violation of the [[Wikipedia:Eighth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Eighth Amendment]] forbidding cruel and unusual punishment.

Demonstrating Chris's limited understanding of trials (as his knowledge of trials stems purely from television), the kangaroo court integrates both elements of civil and criminal trials. The Asperpedia Four are not only prosecuted for murder by a [[Marvey Blaziken|state attorney]], as per a criminal trial, but also charged with defamation of character, libel, and copyright infringement (as well as several charges such as "profanity to the max" that would hold no water in an actual court) by Chris and his cohorts, as per a civil trial. Surely enough, Chris, Sonichu, and Rosechu are sitting in a bench marked "PLAINTIF" [''sic'']. That both civil and criminal charges are included in one trial not only demonstrates a poor understanding of the courtroom process, but is further proof that Chris considers "slanderous mockeries" and other torts on par with major crimes such as murder and assault. To add to the equation, one normally cannot be given a death sentence (or any sentence, for that matter) for being guilty in a civil trial, but in the Asperpedia Four trial civil charges are the primary reason for the death sentence. In summary, the CWCville court system is a constitutional nightmare that violates multiple articles and amendments, and has no concept of due process. One must wonder why it is allowed to exist within the borders of the United States.

tl;dr: Any semblance of law in CWCville exists solely to further the wishes of its tyrannical (and murderous) Mayor.

==See also==
*[[Parody]]
*[[Jerkop]]
*[[Manajerk]]

==Sauces==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and the law

2010-11-12T09:27:48Z

Kazmeyer: /* Chris's parents and law */

[[Image:116-CWCCop.jpg|thumb|Chris aways keeps an eye out for criminal scum who would dare steal [[Sonichu]].]]

'''Laws''' are rules set up to help keep citizens in check. They are usually enforced by [[Jerkops|the law enforcement]] of that area and penalties are placed on those who don't follow the laws.

For [[Chris]], however, these just serve as another deterrent in his quest for [[china]].

==Understanding==
{{quote|I have been giving him reasons since the police came in June of [[2008]], and nothing has sunken into that [[Hello, Juffalo|clown head]] of his.|[[Michael Snyder]]}}

[[Image:Impliedshooting.jpg|thumb|left|Chris implying guns are the answer.]]

Like his grip on [[Chris and reality|reality]], Chris's understanding of the law is uneasy at best. He regularly threatens trolls with legal action, and makes no distinction in severity between a troll threatening violence against Chris and a troll uploading a harmless picture of [[Rosechu]] with a [[pickle]] to the internet. As a matter of fact, Chris himself is prone to making [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|extremely violent threats]], such as threatening to murder [[Vivian]] and her entire family because of the [[audiobooks]]. He's done everything from calling the police to convincing his father to write to then-[[George W. Bush|President Bush]] in an attempt to get rid of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page. He has even attempted (poorly) to impersonate the President in a hilarious attempt to convince the trolls at ED to take down his page.<ref>http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=prev&oldid=1997405266</ref> He's even attempted to contact current [[Barack Obama|President Obama]] to stop people from posting gay ads! Chris also believes that the laws in [[CWCville]] and the laws stated in [[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!|Mailbag 55]] should be enforced ''in real life.''

Chris himself doesn't have much respect for laws and rules, at least when [[Chris and hypocrisy|their enforcement inconveniences him]]. During his time at [[Get-Tar Region|Target]] he didn't see anything wrong with exploiting the free refill policy and loitering for hours at a time in a privately-owned establishment while harassing female customers and apparently [[Attraction Sign|soliciting sex]]. Chris feels that his [[Virgin with Rage|emotional state]] entirely justifies his actions at times, stating in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]] that he should be excused for disturbing the peace by literally shouting "[[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"|NOOOOOOO!]]" loudly in the middle of a crowded mall.

Self-contradictory to a fault, though, Chris is happy to meticulously follow some laws while ignoring others at the same time. In [[Sonichu Special 4]], his cartoon avatar makes a point of obeying the exact speed limit... while on his way to confront [[CChanSonichuCWC]] and commit assault with a deadly weapon upon him. Any intelligent and decent person could tell you which of these laws is more important, but Chris is neither intelligent nor decent. In [[05142010|a May 2010 video]], Chris states that a man deserves twenty years in prison for brutally beating his girlfriend to death with his bare hands, which is just twice the penalty he wants for smoking.

In addition, Chris has very little respect for [[Jerkops|those who enforce the law]]:

{{quote|Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off. |Excerpt from Chris's [[CWC's Diary|diary]]}}

The above quote pretty much defines Chris's attitude towards law enforcement officials. He feels that it is completely appropriate to flip off, insult, lie to, assault, and in some cases even kill people who are simply doing their jobs (although the tale may be exaggerated, it is nonetheless pretty damn awful). And, of course, as any rational person (i.e., anyone who's not Chris) would understand, running away from law enforcement officials is a seriously bad idea. Chris is truly a rebel without a cause or effect.

The [[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris_lies_about_The_Game_Place|correspondence with Jackie]] revealed that in the trial on the Target incident, Chris thought that his work with the [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Chris_the_TCG_gamer|Pokémon TCG League]] let him off the hook. In reality, the court probably acquitted him either on a technicality or insufficient evidence. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting", whereas the actual charge was "Disorderly Conduct"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his [[Love Quest]] efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

==Law troubles==
On 11 September [[2004]], Chris was detained at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] for loitering, and continually arguing with the staff over a number of months. The incident is depicted in [[Sub-Episode 1]]. Chris was banned from returning to the mall on his own and without his parents' company. However, it appears that this ban was lifted or ignored soon afterward.

On 20 July [[2005]], Chris was charged with disorderly conduct and trespassing at Target,<ref name="Criminal Searches">[http://www.criminalsearches.com/details.aspx?id=w1x00xC8&vw=criminal&1=Wpem9DAEtHH%2fFwSXuzfStJ2LvpHgv1YXUU3kPiyr3%2fQ%3d&input=name CriminalSearches.com], which has the Virginia Administrative Office of the Courts as their source</ref> as depicted in [[Sub-Episode 7]] and [[Sub-Episode 8]]. After two hearings,<ref name="Criminal Searches" /><ref>[[MySpace#Lindsay]]</ref> prosecutors chose to drop the case and Chris was not punished.

Five days later, Chris caused an auto accident when he followed another car too closely and rear-ended it. This went to court on 12 September 2005.<ref name="Criminal Searches" /> He was fined $30 and had to pay $56 in court costs.

Chris's various run-ins at [[The GAMe PLACe]] have resulted in the cops being called on him a couple times. At least once after Chris called in his parents after he was initially banned from the location and tried to weasel his way back in, and again when he [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|trespassed on the property]], though he wasn't charged with anything on either occasion. It is likely that the only reason Chris isn't sitting in a cell right now for violating Virginia law is because he wasn't at The Game Place when the cops showed up after his [[April 2010]] unbanning attempt.

On 4 [[June 2010]], Chris made yet another pilgrimage to The GAMe PLACe. Chris was armed with his camera, and while Mike was concerned that Chris wanted pictures of his daughter for [[Mass Debating|disturbing reasons]], Chris maintains that he merely wanted a picture of Mike [[Death threats|for use as a dartboard]]. Still disturbing, but in entirely different ways. This time Chris was actually caught on the scene, despite trying to run away, and was questioned by the police, who made him delete the pictures he had taken, and basically told him to quit his shit. Chris made his [[6 June 2010]] video in response to these events.

==Chris's parents and law==

It's not hard to figure out why Chris thinks the law should serve him and him alone. His parents, too, have the same problem.

* When Chris was thrown out of the [[Wikipedia:Cub Scouting (Boy Scouts of America)|Cub Scouts]] after an unknown incident, his parents attempted to sue the [[Wikipedia:Boy Scouts of America|Boy Scouts of America]] for [[Kick the autistic|discrimination]].<ref>[[Mailbag 18]]</ref>
* When Chris threw a tantrum that required him to be restrained, Bob attempted to sue the school.
* When [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] took a picture of Chris and uploaded it to the Internet, Chris's parents threatened them with legal action (but never followed through).
* When [[Snorlax]] thought she had indigestion (actually [[Wikipedia:colitis|colitis]]), she acted like she was going to sue the Chinese place the food came from. When the doctor actually explained what happened, she dropped the subject.
* When Snorlax was faced with the police after she confronted [[Michael Snyder]] in [[2008]], she chose to harp on the fact that nobody offered her a chair. Her behavior suggested that she was planning to sue the Game Place for exercising its right to ban Chris, but the police called her bullshit.
* Chris's later recollection of the subject includes an absurd accusation that Michael Snyder had a criminal history - it is possible that Bob or Snorlax brought this up and Chris is simply parroting it.
* Chris inherited his love of running from problems - when his parents had their absurd case against Greene County used against them, their first reaction was to run to another county.
* Chris, after attempting to "apologize" to [[Mary Lee Walsh]], was given a trespassing notice. Since, by his own admission, he didn't learn about the contents of the letter until later, it is likely that his parents ordered him to not read the important letter so they could claim that they never got one when Chris inevitably did it again.
* When [[Asperchu|Alec]] called the Chandler household posing as [[Game Place]] employee Matthew Nobel, they claimed that taking pictures of somebody without their knowledge or consent was "Not illegal." It is ironic, given that they threatened to sue Mimms and Lucas for exactly the same thing.
* During that same call, Bob seems to completely disregard the concept that an individual can be barred from private property, saying, "it's a business place," as though that has any more bearing on the law and how it affects his son than, say, the color of the store's walls.

==Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws==
[[Image:AL cover.gif|thumb|Where Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws come from.]]
As he believes the police in real life are corrupt and sees them in the same light as he sees the [[jerkop]]s in his comic, Chris has his own spin on the law. The penalties for [[Alcohol|drinking]], [[Tobacky|smoking]] and [[troll|internet harassment]] involve physical violence including a "Kick in the Teeth" which Chris portrays as a punch in [[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008|the only one]] of his supposed series of Q&A videos.

On [[December 2009|New Year's Eve, 2009]], Chris presented a nice babble about a law he wants made to prevent [[Jack Thaddeus]] from using adspace he paid for.

{{quote|I Have The Instinct, and I Have Already [[CWC-ism|Snail-Mailed]] President Barack Obama on how this sort of bad advertisement is going on and how it is Wrong and should be made Illegal. On HOW if the Main Captain does not WANT or IS OFFENDED with the listed Ads within his own Website or Works, REGARDLESS of who controls the AdSpace, WOULD REMOVE THOSE ADS or face JAILTIME. And the F.B.I. would be FULLY INVOLVED in all this, and THEY have the Power, Tools and Balls to seek, hunt down and bring in the Individual Internet Trolls and Ad-Spammers.|Chris, [[Chris and his Ego|Thinking he's important]]}}

Yes, you heard it right. Chris wants to ask the President of the United States to make [[Chris and Reality|advertisements he doesn't like illegal.]] From a practical standpoint, CWCipedia is the only wiki that has a "Main Captain." This "Main Captain" does literally nothing to run or maintain the site at all. Furthermore, if someone paid for adspace, the host that received the money must allow the purchasing party to use said adspace for the allotted time, no matter what they advertise, or the host faces legal penalties. And last but not least, the President has better things to do than slap laws on wikis. It also escapes Chris's mind that the President doesn't make law. He would have had a better chance if he had mailed his congressman. He of course, will never.

This attitude is also reflected on his relationship with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[2003|Years ago]], she interrupted Chris in what looked like [[Love Quest#Conflicts with Mary Lee Walsh|soliciting for sex]]. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Hilarity ensued]] and Chris received a well-deserved [[Autism papers|time-out]] for [[Chris and anger|his antics]]. Fast-forward in [[2009]] when Chris, [[One Blessing, and One Curse|out of the blue]], decides to make peace. He went to her office and left her a [[:File:Apology_to_Mary_Lee.jpg|"Framed Hand-Drawn Apology"]] on her doorsteps. Knowing Chris's attitude, she filled a trespassing notice. In pure stalker logic, Chris said that since he didn't read the letter and returned it to the sender, [[Mailbag 26#Mary Lee Walsh trolls IRL|he's not legally liable]].

[[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!|Mailbag 55]] posits a few more original laws: one, that it should be illegal for men to ever show their bare chest (because, according to Chris, no one in the entire world ever wants to see a man's bare chest, no matter what shape he's in). He also wants to force all women in any kind of relationship to wear rings, thus defeating all symbolism and significance of them.

Due to Chris being forced away from the Internet, Chris has begun to formulate a new law, the "Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing," starting with his second [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote]], [[Don'tGetTrolled!]]. What this entails is unknown, but by the sounds if it, he wishes for a law where no one can ever speak up against anyone in a negative tone, thus allowing Chris to continue to have his e-peen stroked while the trolls can't touch him. While there have been laws that punish those that lead to others being harmed via the Internet, the Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing is one of the ridiculous ideas ever, as it leads to a complete and utter smashing of the Bill of Rights, specifically Freedom of Speech.

TL;DR: Chris ignores the law when it's inconvenient, yet expects it to save the day when the [[Autism]] card doesn't work.

==In the comic==

Chris's understanding of the law in his comics goes so far as to been seen as a mixture of childish tendencies and, some might say, authoritarianism. In [[CWCville]], Chris has banned a number of things in his city. Smoking or drinking alcohol would lead one to be either sentenced to ten years in prison or a much more lenient US$1,500 fine (although, as CWCville uses C-Quarters and W-Quarters for currency, it's not clear why fines are levied in US dollars).<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> However, it should be noted that Chris [[Rollin' and Trollin'|repealed the law]] in [[June 2009]].

Even stranger is the the fact that the city tends to lack other races or even other sub-cultures, beyond Chris, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], a handful of (white) males and females, and the few Transformers in his town. This lack of diversity leads many to think that Chris has banned them as well. The Rosechus tend to fight for [[women's rights]], that is to say, the ability to strip naked whenever and wherever they want to, not to mention the fact that full legal rights for women are already established across the US, suggesting that Chris has imposed discriminating laws against women in CWCville.

Chris has been seen as a do-nothing Mayor, preferring to have [[Allison Amber|his secretary]] do all the work (as per his thoughts on women) while he goes off on another one of his sweetheart searches. He has mandated "[[Dating Education]]" classes for students so that they can learn to go on dates, as well as how to "stay straight."

[[List_of_Sonichu_characters#Constables_Gerald_Grant_and_Louis_Perez|Actual police officers]] did not appear until [[Sonichu 10|quite late]] and even then, they did nothing whatever, giving the impression that Chris and his Pokémon abominations are the only thing standing in between peace and eternal virgins with rage. However, [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] seems to reveal that there are three sets of "other" protectors: a (possibly) nondescript police force (distinct from [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s [[jerkops]]), as well as his own team of [[Power Rangers]] and a team of [[Transformers]].

{{quote|Is CWCville under Martial Law? |[[Jack Thaddeus]] citing the truth as he sees it}}

It gets even scarier. In a conversation that [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3|Chris had with Jack Thaddeus]], he reveals that CWCville is the home of a paramilitary force equipped with tanks which he uses as a "Police Force", and all his Electric Hedgehog Pokémon enjoy immunity from prosecution and are above the law. If we add all this to the fact that there are no free elections in CWCville, this shows us the city in the hands of a dictator running it with an iron fist, and backed with super-powered goons who are free to do any atrocity with impunity. According to Chris, Magi-Chan mentally scans the city perimeters for any sexual acts, and reports any homosexual activity to the authorities. The participants are then [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|"tried and fined HEAVILY; $500 or 50 Hours of Community Service"]]. Apparently in CWCville, the [[Wikipedia:Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution]] does not apply in matters of personal sexual choice. This might put him at odds with [[Chris and sex#Pedophilia|his own sexual ideals...]]

In a strange [[Chris and hypocrisy|set of double standards]], Chris has been shown to injure, kill, or damage people and property ''outside of CWCVille''. [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] has shown no less than three grievous acts upon others: the destruction of the 4-cent_garbage building, the murder of over one hundred alleged "trolls" in said destruction, breaking and entering, and destroying Internet files and property.

Following the death of [[Simonla]], the culprits (Alec, Mao, Sean and Evan) are subjected to a show trial, and given no defense attorney by the state (violating the [[Wikipedia:Sixth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Sixth Amendment]]) forcing Sean to act as their lawyer despite being high as a kite. There is no solid evidence presented for the murder charge, aside from the Voltorb remote (which the prosecutor never tried to prove belonged to them) and wholly unreliable "psychic evidence" extracted by Magi-Chan. When they're railroaded and found guilty, they're ''killed by the people they've wronged'' (read: murdered brutally by cartoon characters), in a gross violation of the [[Wikipedia:Eighth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Eighth Amendment]] forbidding cruel and unusual punishment.

Demonstrating Chris's limited understanding of trials (as his knowledge of trials stems purely from television), the kangaroo court integrates both elements of civil and criminal trials. The Asperpedia Four are not only prosecuted for murder by a [[Marvey Blaziken|state attorney]], as per a criminal trial, but also charged with defamation of character, libel, and copyright infringement (as well as several charges such as "profanity to the max" that would hold no water in an actual court) by Chris and his cohorts, as per a civil trial. Surely enough, Chris, Sonichu, and Rosechu are sitting in a bench marked "PLAINTIF" [''sic'']. That both civil and criminal charges are included in one trial not only demonstrates a poor understanding of the courtroom process, but is further proof that Chris considers "slanderous mockeries" and other torts on par with major crimes such as murder and assault. To add to the equation, one normally cannot be given a death sentence (or any sentence, for that matter) for being guilty in a civil trial, but in the Asperpedia Four trial civil charges are the primary reason for the death sentence. In summary, the CWCville court system is a constitutional nightmare that violates multiple articles and amendments, and has no concept of due process. One must wonder why it is allowed to exist within the borders of the United States.

tl;dr: Any semblance of law in CWCville exists solely to further the wishes of its tyrannical (and murderous) Mayor.

==See also==
*[[Parody]]
*[[Jerkop]]
*[[Manajerk]]

==Sauces==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and the law

2010-11-12T09:25:55Z

Kazmeyer: /* Law troubles */

[[Image:116-CWCCop.jpg|thumb|Chris aways keeps an eye out for criminal scum who would dare steal [[Sonichu]].]]

'''Laws''' are rules set up to help keep citizens in check. They are usually enforced by [[Jerkops|the law enforcement]] of that area and penalties are placed on those who don't follow the laws.

For [[Chris]], however, these just serve as another deterrent in his quest for [[china]].

==Understanding==
{{quote|I have been giving him reasons since the police came in June of [[2008]], and nothing has sunken into that [[Hello, Juffalo|clown head]] of his.|[[Michael Snyder]]}}

[[Image:Impliedshooting.jpg|thumb|left|Chris implying guns are the answer.]]

Like his grip on [[Chris and reality|reality]], Chris's understanding of the law is uneasy at best. He regularly threatens trolls with legal action, and makes no distinction in severity between a troll threatening violence against Chris and a troll uploading a harmless picture of [[Rosechu]] with a [[pickle]] to the internet. As a matter of fact, Chris himself is prone to making [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|extremely violent threats]], such as threatening to murder [[Vivian]] and her entire family because of the [[audiobooks]]. He's done everything from calling the police to convincing his father to write to then-[[George W. Bush|President Bush]] in an attempt to get rid of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page. He has even attempted (poorly) to impersonate the President in a hilarious attempt to convince the trolls at ED to take down his page.<ref>http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=prev&oldid=1997405266</ref> He's even attempted to contact current [[Barack Obama|President Obama]] to stop people from posting gay ads! Chris also believes that the laws in [[CWCville]] and the laws stated in [[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!|Mailbag 55]] should be enforced ''in real life.''

Chris himself doesn't have much respect for laws and rules, at least when [[Chris and hypocrisy|their enforcement inconveniences him]]. During his time at [[Get-Tar Region|Target]] he didn't see anything wrong with exploiting the free refill policy and loitering for hours at a time in a privately-owned establishment while harassing female customers and apparently [[Attraction Sign|soliciting sex]]. Chris feels that his [[Virgin with Rage|emotional state]] entirely justifies his actions at times, stating in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]] that he should be excused for disturbing the peace by literally shouting "[[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"|NOOOOOOO!]]" loudly in the middle of a crowded mall.

Self-contradictory to a fault, though, Chris is happy to meticulously follow some laws while ignoring others at the same time. In [[Sonichu Special 4]], his cartoon avatar makes a point of obeying the exact speed limit... while on his way to confront [[CChanSonichuCWC]] and commit assault with a deadly weapon upon him. Any intelligent and decent person could tell you which of these laws is more important, but Chris is neither intelligent nor decent. In [[05142010|a May 2010 video]], Chris states that a man deserves twenty years in prison for brutally beating his girlfriend to death with his bare hands, which is just twice the penalty he wants for smoking.

In addition, Chris has very little respect for [[Jerkops|those who enforce the law]]:

{{quote|Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off. |Excerpt from Chris's [[CWC's Diary|diary]]}}

The above quote pretty much defines Chris's attitude towards law enforcement officials. He feels that it is completely appropriate to flip off, insult, lie to, assault, and in some cases even kill people who are simply doing their jobs (although the tale may be exaggerated, it is nonetheless pretty damn awful). And, of course, as any rational person (i.e., anyone who's not Chris) would understand, running away from law enforcement officials is a seriously bad idea. Chris is truly a rebel without a cause or effect.

The [[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris_lies_about_The_Game_Place|correspondence with Jackie]] revealed that in the trial on the Target incident, Chris thought that his work with the [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Chris_the_TCG_gamer|Pokémon TCG League]] let him off the hook. In reality, the court probably acquitted him either on a technicality or insufficient evidence. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting", whereas the actual charge was "Disorderly Conduct"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his [[Love Quest]] efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

==Law troubles==
On 11 September [[2004]], Chris was detained at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] for loitering, and continually arguing with the staff over a number of months. The incident is depicted in [[Sub-Episode 1]]. Chris was banned from returning to the mall on his own and without his parents' company. However, it appears that this ban was lifted or ignored soon afterward.

On 20 July [[2005]], Chris was charged with disorderly conduct and trespassing at Target,<ref name="Criminal Searches">[http://www.criminalsearches.com/details.aspx?id=w1x00xC8&vw=criminal&1=Wpem9DAEtHH%2fFwSXuzfStJ2LvpHgv1YXUU3kPiyr3%2fQ%3d&input=name CriminalSearches.com], which has the Virginia Administrative Office of the Courts as their source</ref> as depicted in [[Sub-Episode 7]] and [[Sub-Episode 8]]. After two hearings,<ref name="Criminal Searches" /><ref>[[MySpace#Lindsay]]</ref> prosecutors chose to drop the case and Chris was not punished.

Five days later, Chris caused an auto accident when he followed another car too closely and rear-ended it. This went to court on 12 September 2005.<ref name="Criminal Searches" /> He was fined $30 and had to pay $56 in court costs.

Chris's various run-ins at [[The GAMe PLACe]] have resulted in the cops being called on him a couple times. At least once after Chris called in his parents after he was initially banned from the location and tried to weasel his way back in, and again when he [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|trespassed on the property]], though he wasn't charged with anything on either occasion. It is likely that the only reason Chris isn't sitting in a cell right now for violating Virginia law is because he wasn't at The Game Place when the cops showed up after his [[April 2010]] unbanning attempt.

On 4 [[June 2010]], Chris made yet another pilgrimage to The GAMe PLACe. Chris was armed with his camera, and while Mike was concerned that Chris wanted pictures of his daughter for [[Mass Debating|disturbing reasons]], Chris maintains that he merely wanted a picture of Mike [[Death threats|for use as a dartboard]]. Still disturbing, but in entirely different ways. This time Chris was actually caught on the scene, despite trying to run away, and was questioned by the police, who made him delete the pictures he had taken, and basically told him to quit his shit. Chris made his [[6 June 2010]] video in response to these events.

==Chris's parents and law==

It's not hard to figure out why Chris thinks the law should serve him and him alone. His parents, too, have the same problem.

* When Chris was thrown out of the [[Wikipedia:Cub Scouting (Boy Scouts of America)|Cub Scouts]] after an unknown incident, his parents attempted to sue the [[Wikipedia:Boy Scouts of America|Boy Scouts of America]] for [[Kick the autistic|discrimination]].<ref>[[Mailbag 18]]</ref>
* When Chris threw a tantrum that required him to be restrained, Bob attempted to sue the school.
* When [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] took a picture of Chris and uploaded it to the Internet, Chris's parents threatened them with legal action (but never followed through).
* When [[Snorlax]] thought she had indigestion (actually [[Wikipedia:colitis|colitis]]), she acted like she was going to sue the Chinese place the food came from. When the doctor actually explained what happened, she dropped the subject.
* When Snorlax was faced with the police after she confronted [[Michael Snyder]] in [[2008]], she chose to harp on the fact that nobody offered her a chair. Her behavior suggested that she was planning to sue the Game Place for exercising its right to ban Chris, but the police called her bullshit.
* Chris's later recollection of the subject includes an absurd accusation that Michael Snyder had a criminal history - it is possible that Bob or Snorlax brought this up and Chris is simply parroting it.
* Chris inherited his love of running from problems - when his parents had their absurd case against Greene County used against them, their first reaction was to run to another county.
* Chris, after attempting to "apologize" to [[Mary Lee Walsh]], was given a trespassing notice. Since, by his own admission, he didn't learn about the contents of the letter until later, it is likely that his parents ordered him to not read the important letter so they could claim that they never got one when Chris inevitably did it again.
* When [[Asperchu|Alec]] called the Chandler household posing as [[Game Place]] employee Matthew Nobel, they claimed that taking pictures of somebody without their knowledge or consent was "Not illegal." Not taking into account the fact that he was trespassing on private property, it is still ironic, given that they threatened to sue Mimms and Lucas for exactly the same thing.
* During that same call, Bob seems to completely disregard the concept that an individual can be barred from private property, saying, "it's a business place," as though that has any more bearing on the law and how it affects his son than, say, the color of the store's walls.

==Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws==
[[Image:AL cover.gif|thumb|Where Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws come from.]]
As he believes the police in real life are corrupt and sees them in the same light as he sees the [[jerkop]]s in his comic, Chris has his own spin on the law. The penalties for [[Alcohol|drinking]], [[Tobacky|smoking]] and [[troll|internet harassment]] involve physical violence including a "Kick in the Teeth" which Chris portrays as a punch in [[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008|the only one]] of his supposed series of Q&A videos.

On [[December 2009|New Year's Eve, 2009]], Chris presented a nice babble about a law he wants made to prevent [[Jack Thaddeus]] from using adspace he paid for.

{{quote|I Have The Instinct, and I Have Already [[CWC-ism|Snail-Mailed]] President Barack Obama on how this sort of bad advertisement is going on and how it is Wrong and should be made Illegal. On HOW if the Main Captain does not WANT or IS OFFENDED with the listed Ads within his own Website or Works, REGARDLESS of who controls the AdSpace, WOULD REMOVE THOSE ADS or face JAILTIME. And the F.B.I. would be FULLY INVOLVED in all this, and THEY have the Power, Tools and Balls to seek, hunt down and bring in the Individual Internet Trolls and Ad-Spammers.|Chris, [[Chris and his Ego|Thinking he's important]]}}

Yes, you heard it right. Chris wants to ask the President of the United States to make [[Chris and Reality|advertisements he doesn't like illegal.]] From a practical standpoint, CWCipedia is the only wiki that has a "Main Captain." This "Main Captain" does literally nothing to run or maintain the site at all. Furthermore, if someone paid for adspace, the host that received the money must allow the purchasing party to use said adspace for the allotted time, no matter what they advertise, or the host faces legal penalties. And last but not least, the President has better things to do than slap laws on wikis. It also escapes Chris's mind that the President doesn't make law. He would have had a better chance if he had mailed his congressman. He of course, will never.

This attitude is also reflected on his relationship with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[2003|Years ago]], she interrupted Chris in what looked like [[Love Quest#Conflicts with Mary Lee Walsh|soliciting for sex]]. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Hilarity ensued]] and Chris received a well-deserved [[Autism papers|time-out]] for [[Chris and anger|his antics]]. Fast-forward in [[2009]] when Chris, [[One Blessing, and One Curse|out of the blue]], decides to make peace. He went to her office and left her a [[:File:Apology_to_Mary_Lee.jpg|"Framed Hand-Drawn Apology"]] on her doorsteps. Knowing Chris's attitude, she filled a trespassing notice. In pure stalker logic, Chris said that since he didn't read the letter and returned it to the sender, [[Mailbag 26#Mary Lee Walsh trolls IRL|he's not legally liable]].

[[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!|Mailbag 55]] posits a few more original laws: one, that it should be illegal for men to ever show their bare chest (because, according to Chris, no one in the entire world ever wants to see a man's bare chest, no matter what shape he's in). He also wants to force all women in any kind of relationship to wear rings, thus defeating all symbolism and significance of them.

Due to Chris being forced away from the Internet, Chris has begun to formulate a new law, the "Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing," starting with his second [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote]], [[Don'tGetTrolled!]]. What this entails is unknown, but by the sounds if it, he wishes for a law where no one can ever speak up against anyone in a negative tone, thus allowing Chris to continue to have his e-peen stroked while the trolls can't touch him. While there have been laws that punish those that lead to others being harmed via the Internet, the Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing is one of the ridiculous ideas ever, as it leads to a complete and utter smashing of the Bill of Rights, specifically Freedom of Speech.

TL;DR: Chris ignores the law when it's inconvenient, yet expects it to save the day when the [[Autism]] card doesn't work.

==In the comic==

Chris's understanding of the law in his comics goes so far as to been seen as a mixture of childish tendencies and, some might say, authoritarianism. In [[CWCville]], Chris has banned a number of things in his city. Smoking or drinking alcohol would lead one to be either sentenced to ten years in prison or a much more lenient US$1,500 fine (although, as CWCville uses C-Quarters and W-Quarters for currency, it's not clear why fines are levied in US dollars).<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> However, it should be noted that Chris [[Rollin' and Trollin'|repealed the law]] in [[June 2009]].

Even stranger is the the fact that the city tends to lack other races or even other sub-cultures, beyond Chris, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], a handful of (white) males and females, and the few Transformers in his town. This lack of diversity leads many to think that Chris has banned them as well. The Rosechus tend to fight for [[women's rights]], that is to say, the ability to strip naked whenever and wherever they want to, not to mention the fact that full legal rights for women are already established across the US, suggesting that Chris has imposed discriminating laws against women in CWCville.

Chris has been seen as a do-nothing Mayor, preferring to have [[Allison Amber|his secretary]] do all the work (as per his thoughts on women) while he goes off on another one of his sweetheart searches. He has mandated "[[Dating Education]]" classes for students so that they can learn to go on dates, as well as how to "stay straight."

[[List_of_Sonichu_characters#Constables_Gerald_Grant_and_Louis_Perez|Actual police officers]] did not appear until [[Sonichu 10|quite late]] and even then, they did nothing whatever, giving the impression that Chris and his Pokémon abominations are the only thing standing in between peace and eternal virgins with rage. However, [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] seems to reveal that there are three sets of "other" protectors: a (possibly) nondescript police force (distinct from [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s [[jerkops]]), as well as his own team of [[Power Rangers]] and a team of [[Transformers]].

{{quote|Is CWCville under Martial Law? |[[Jack Thaddeus]] citing the truth as he sees it}}

It gets even scarier. In a conversation that [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3|Chris had with Jack Thaddeus]], he reveals that CWCville is the home of a paramilitary force equipped with tanks which he uses as a "Police Force", and all his Electric Hedgehog Pokémon enjoy immunity from prosecution and are above the law. If we add all this to the fact that there are no free elections in CWCville, this shows us the city in the hands of a dictator running it with an iron fist, and backed with super-powered goons who are free to do any atrocity with impunity. According to Chris, Magi-Chan mentally scans the city perimeters for any sexual acts, and reports any homosexual activity to the authorities. The participants are then [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|"tried and fined HEAVILY; $500 or 50 Hours of Community Service"]]. Apparently in CWCville, the [[Wikipedia:Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution]] does not apply in matters of personal sexual choice. This might put him at odds with [[Chris and sex#Pedophilia|his own sexual ideals...]]

In a strange [[Chris and hypocrisy|set of double standards]], Chris has been shown to injure, kill, or damage people and property ''outside of CWCVille''. [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] has shown no less than three grievous acts upon others: the destruction of the 4-cent_garbage building, the murder of over one hundred alleged "trolls" in said destruction, breaking and entering, and destroying Internet files and property.

Following the death of [[Simonla]], the culprits (Alec, Mao, Sean and Evan) are subjected to a show trial, and given no defense attorney by the state (violating the [[Wikipedia:Sixth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Sixth Amendment]]) forcing Sean to act as their lawyer despite being high as a kite. There is no solid evidence presented for the murder charge, aside from the Voltorb remote (which the prosecutor never tried to prove belonged to them) and wholly unreliable "psychic evidence" extracted by Magi-Chan. When they're railroaded and found guilty, they're ''killed by the people they've wronged'' (read: murdered brutally by cartoon characters), in a gross violation of the [[Wikipedia:Eighth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Eighth Amendment]] forbidding cruel and unusual punishment.

Demonstrating Chris's limited understanding of trials (as his knowledge of trials stems purely from television), the kangaroo court integrates both elements of civil and criminal trials. The Asperpedia Four are not only prosecuted for murder by a [[Marvey Blaziken|state attorney]], as per a criminal trial, but also charged with defamation of character, libel, and copyright infringement (as well as several charges such as "profanity to the max" that would hold no water in an actual court) by Chris and his cohorts, as per a civil trial. Surely enough, Chris, Sonichu, and Rosechu are sitting in a bench marked "PLAINTIF" [''sic'']. That both civil and criminal charges are included in one trial not only demonstrates a poor understanding of the courtroom process, but is further proof that Chris considers "slanderous mockeries" and other torts on par with major crimes such as murder and assault. To add to the equation, one normally cannot be given a death sentence (or any sentence, for that matter) for being guilty in a civil trial, but in the Asperpedia Four trial civil charges are the primary reason for the death sentence. In summary, the CWCville court system is a constitutional nightmare that violates multiple articles and amendments, and has no concept of due process. One must wonder why it is allowed to exist within the borders of the United States.

tl;dr: Any semblance of law in CWCville exists solely to further the wishes of its tyrannical (and murderous) Mayor.

==See also==
*[[Parody]]
*[[Jerkop]]
*[[Manajerk]]

==Sauces==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and the law

2010-11-12T09:24:56Z

Kazmeyer: /* Law troubles */

[[Image:116-CWCCop.jpg|thumb|Chris aways keeps an eye out for criminal scum who would dare steal [[Sonichu]].]]

'''Laws''' are rules set up to help keep citizens in check. They are usually enforced by [[Jerkops|the law enforcement]] of that area and penalties are placed on those who don't follow the laws.

For [[Chris]], however, these just serve as another deterrent in his quest for [[china]].

==Understanding==
{{quote|I have been giving him reasons since the police came in June of [[2008]], and nothing has sunken into that [[Hello, Juffalo|clown head]] of his.|[[Michael Snyder]]}}

[[Image:Impliedshooting.jpg|thumb|left|Chris implying guns are the answer.]]

Like his grip on [[Chris and reality|reality]], Chris's understanding of the law is uneasy at best. He regularly threatens trolls with legal action, and makes no distinction in severity between a troll threatening violence against Chris and a troll uploading a harmless picture of [[Rosechu]] with a [[pickle]] to the internet. As a matter of fact, Chris himself is prone to making [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|extremely violent threats]], such as threatening to murder [[Vivian]] and her entire family because of the [[audiobooks]]. He's done everything from calling the police to convincing his father to write to then-[[George W. Bush|President Bush]] in an attempt to get rid of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page. He has even attempted (poorly) to impersonate the President in a hilarious attempt to convince the trolls at ED to take down his page.<ref>http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=prev&oldid=1997405266</ref> He's even attempted to contact current [[Barack Obama|President Obama]] to stop people from posting gay ads! Chris also believes that the laws in [[CWCville]] and the laws stated in [[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!|Mailbag 55]] should be enforced ''in real life.''

Chris himself doesn't have much respect for laws and rules, at least when [[Chris and hypocrisy|their enforcement inconveniences him]]. During his time at [[Get-Tar Region|Target]] he didn't see anything wrong with exploiting the free refill policy and loitering for hours at a time in a privately-owned establishment while harassing female customers and apparently [[Attraction Sign|soliciting sex]]. Chris feels that his [[Virgin with Rage|emotional state]] entirely justifies his actions at times, stating in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]] that he should be excused for disturbing the peace by literally shouting "[[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"|NOOOOOOO!]]" loudly in the middle of a crowded mall.

Self-contradictory to a fault, though, Chris is happy to meticulously follow some laws while ignoring others at the same time. In [[Sonichu Special 4]], his cartoon avatar makes a point of obeying the exact speed limit... while on his way to confront [[CChanSonichuCWC]] and commit assault with a deadly weapon upon him. Any intelligent and decent person could tell you which of these laws is more important, but Chris is neither intelligent nor decent. In [[05142010|a May 2010 video]], Chris states that a man deserves twenty years in prison for brutally beating his girlfriend to death with his bare hands, which is just twice the penalty he wants for smoking.

In addition, Chris has very little respect for [[Jerkops|those who enforce the law]]:

{{quote|Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off. |Excerpt from Chris's [[CWC's Diary|diary]]}}

The above quote pretty much defines Chris's attitude towards law enforcement officials. He feels that it is completely appropriate to flip off, insult, lie to, assault, and in some cases even kill people who are simply doing their jobs (although the tale may be exaggerated, it is nonetheless pretty damn awful). And, of course, as any rational person (i.e., anyone who's not Chris) would understand, running away from law enforcement officials is a seriously bad idea. Chris is truly a rebel without a cause or effect.

The [[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris_lies_about_The_Game_Place|correspondence with Jackie]] revealed that in the trial on the Target incident, Chris thought that his work with the [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Chris_the_TCG_gamer|Pokémon TCG League]] let him off the hook. In reality, the court probably acquitted him either on a technicality or insufficient evidence. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting", whereas the actual charge was "Disorderly Conduct"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his [[Love Quest]] efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

==Law troubles==
On 11 September [[2004]], Chris was detained at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] for loitering, and continually arguing with the staff over a number of months. The incident is depicted in [[Sub-Episode 1]]. Chris was banned from returning to the mall on his own and without his parents' company. However, it appears that this ban was lifted or ignored soon afterward.

On 20 July [[2005]], Chris was charged with disorderly conduct and trespassing at Target,<ref name="Criminal Searches">[http://www.criminalsearches.com/details.aspx?id=w1x00xC8&vw=criminal&1=Wpem9DAEtHH%2fFwSXuzfStJ2LvpHgv1YXUU3kPiyr3%2fQ%3d&input=name CriminalSearches.com], which has the Virginia Administrative Office of the Courts as their source</ref> as depicted in [[Sub-Episode 7]] and [[Sub-Episode 8]]. After two hearings,<ref name="Criminal Searches" /><ref>[[MySpace#Lindsay]]</ref> prosecutors chose to drop the case (probably after pulling the "autism" card) and Chris was not punished.

Five days later, Chris caused an auto accident when he followed another car too closely and rear-ended it. This went to court on 12 September 2005.<ref name="Criminal Searches" /> He was fined $30 and had to pay $56 in court costs.

Chris's various run-ins at [[The GAMe PLACe]] have resulted in the cops being called on him a couple times. At least once after Chris called in his parents after he was initially banned from the location and tried to weasel his way back in, and again when he [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|trespassed on the property]], though he wasn't charged with anything on either occasion. It is likely that the only reason Chris isn't sitting in a cell right now for violating Virginia law is because he wasn't at The Game Place when the cops showed up after his [[April 2010]] unbanning attempt.

On 4 [[June 2010]], Chris made yet another pilgrimage to The GAMe PLACe. Chris was armed with his camera, and while Mike was concerned that Chris wanted pictures of his daughter for [[Mass Debating|disturbing reasons]], Chris maintains that he merely wanted a picture of Mike [[Death threats|for use as a dartboard]]. Still disturbing, but in entirely different ways. This time Chris was actually caught on the scene, despite trying to run away, and was questioned by the police, who made him delete the pictures he had taken, and basically told him to quit his shit. Chris made his [[6 June 2010]] video in response to these events.

==Chris's parents and law==

It's not hard to figure out why Chris thinks the law should serve him and him alone. His parents, too, have the same problem.

* When Chris was thrown out of the [[Wikipedia:Cub Scouting (Boy Scouts of America)|Cub Scouts]] after an unknown incident, his parents attempted to sue the [[Wikipedia:Boy Scouts of America|Boy Scouts of America]] for [[Kick the autistic|discrimination]].<ref>[[Mailbag 18]]</ref>
* When Chris threw a tantrum that required him to be restrained, Bob attempted to sue the school.
* When [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] took a picture of Chris and uploaded it to the Internet, Chris's parents threatened them with legal action (but never followed through).
* When [[Snorlax]] thought she had indigestion (actually [[Wikipedia:colitis|colitis]]), she acted like she was going to sue the Chinese place the food came from. When the doctor actually explained what happened, she dropped the subject.
* When Snorlax was faced with the police after she confronted [[Michael Snyder]] in [[2008]], she chose to harp on the fact that nobody offered her a chair. Her behavior suggested that she was planning to sue the Game Place for exercising its right to ban Chris, but the police called her bullshit.
* Chris's later recollection of the subject includes an absurd accusation that Michael Snyder had a criminal history - it is possible that Bob or Snorlax brought this up and Chris is simply parroting it.
* Chris inherited his love of running from problems - when his parents had their absurd case against Greene County used against them, their first reaction was to run to another county.
* Chris, after attempting to "apologize" to [[Mary Lee Walsh]], was given a trespassing notice. Since, by his own admission, he didn't learn about the contents of the letter until later, it is likely that his parents ordered him to not read the important letter so they could claim that they never got one when Chris inevitably did it again.
* When [[Asperchu|Alec]] called the Chandler household posing as [[Game Place]] employee Matthew Nobel, they claimed that taking pictures of somebody without their knowledge or consent was "Not illegal." Not taking into account the fact that he was trespassing on private property, it is still ironic, given that they threatened to sue Mimms and Lucas for exactly the same thing.
* During that same call, Bob seems to completely disregard the concept that an individual can be barred from private property, saying, "it's a business place," as though that has any more bearing on the law and how it affects his son than, say, the color of the store's walls.

==Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws==
[[Image:AL cover.gif|thumb|Where Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws come from.]]
As he believes the police in real life are corrupt and sees them in the same light as he sees the [[jerkop]]s in his comic, Chris has his own spin on the law. The penalties for [[Alcohol|drinking]], [[Tobacky|smoking]] and [[troll|internet harassment]] involve physical violence including a "Kick in the Teeth" which Chris portrays as a punch in [[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008|the only one]] of his supposed series of Q&A videos.

On [[December 2009|New Year's Eve, 2009]], Chris presented a nice babble about a law he wants made to prevent [[Jack Thaddeus]] from using adspace he paid for.

{{quote|I Have The Instinct, and I Have Already [[CWC-ism|Snail-Mailed]] President Barack Obama on how this sort of bad advertisement is going on and how it is Wrong and should be made Illegal. On HOW if the Main Captain does not WANT or IS OFFENDED with the listed Ads within his own Website or Works, REGARDLESS of who controls the AdSpace, WOULD REMOVE THOSE ADS or face JAILTIME. And the F.B.I. would be FULLY INVOLVED in all this, and THEY have the Power, Tools and Balls to seek, hunt down and bring in the Individual Internet Trolls and Ad-Spammers.|Chris, [[Chris and his Ego|Thinking he's important]]}}

Yes, you heard it right. Chris wants to ask the President of the United States to make [[Chris and Reality|advertisements he doesn't like illegal.]] From a practical standpoint, CWCipedia is the only wiki that has a "Main Captain." This "Main Captain" does literally nothing to run or maintain the site at all. Furthermore, if someone paid for adspace, the host that received the money must allow the purchasing party to use said adspace for the allotted time, no matter what they advertise, or the host faces legal penalties. And last but not least, the President has better things to do than slap laws on wikis. It also escapes Chris's mind that the President doesn't make law. He would have had a better chance if he had mailed his congressman. He of course, will never.

This attitude is also reflected on his relationship with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[2003|Years ago]], she interrupted Chris in what looked like [[Love Quest#Conflicts with Mary Lee Walsh|soliciting for sex]]. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Hilarity ensued]] and Chris received a well-deserved [[Autism papers|time-out]] for [[Chris and anger|his antics]]. Fast-forward in [[2009]] when Chris, [[One Blessing, and One Curse|out of the blue]], decides to make peace. He went to her office and left her a [[:File:Apology_to_Mary_Lee.jpg|"Framed Hand-Drawn Apology"]] on her doorsteps. Knowing Chris's attitude, she filled a trespassing notice. In pure stalker logic, Chris said that since he didn't read the letter and returned it to the sender, [[Mailbag 26#Mary Lee Walsh trolls IRL|he's not legally liable]].

[[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!|Mailbag 55]] posits a few more original laws: one, that it should be illegal for men to ever show their bare chest (because, according to Chris, no one in the entire world ever wants to see a man's bare chest, no matter what shape he's in). He also wants to force all women in any kind of relationship to wear rings, thus defeating all symbolism and significance of them.

Due to Chris being forced away from the Internet, Chris has begun to formulate a new law, the "Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing," starting with his second [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote]], [[Don'tGetTrolled!]]. What this entails is unknown, but by the sounds if it, he wishes for a law where no one can ever speak up against anyone in a negative tone, thus allowing Chris to continue to have his e-peen stroked while the trolls can't touch him. While there have been laws that punish those that lead to others being harmed via the Internet, the Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing is one of the ridiculous ideas ever, as it leads to a complete and utter smashing of the Bill of Rights, specifically Freedom of Speech.

TL;DR: Chris ignores the law when it's inconvenient, yet expects it to save the day when the [[Autism]] card doesn't work.

==In the comic==

Chris's understanding of the law in his comics goes so far as to been seen as a mixture of childish tendencies and, some might say, authoritarianism. In [[CWCville]], Chris has banned a number of things in his city. Smoking or drinking alcohol would lead one to be either sentenced to ten years in prison or a much more lenient US$1,500 fine (although, as CWCville uses C-Quarters and W-Quarters for currency, it's not clear why fines are levied in US dollars).<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> However, it should be noted that Chris [[Rollin' and Trollin'|repealed the law]] in [[June 2009]].

Even stranger is the the fact that the city tends to lack other races or even other sub-cultures, beyond Chris, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], a handful of (white) males and females, and the few Transformers in his town. This lack of diversity leads many to think that Chris has banned them as well. The Rosechus tend to fight for [[women's rights]], that is to say, the ability to strip naked whenever and wherever they want to, not to mention the fact that full legal rights for women are already established across the US, suggesting that Chris has imposed discriminating laws against women in CWCville.

Chris has been seen as a do-nothing Mayor, preferring to have [[Allison Amber|his secretary]] do all the work (as per his thoughts on women) while he goes off on another one of his sweetheart searches. He has mandated "[[Dating Education]]" classes for students so that they can learn to go on dates, as well as how to "stay straight."

[[List_of_Sonichu_characters#Constables_Gerald_Grant_and_Louis_Perez|Actual police officers]] did not appear until [[Sonichu 10|quite late]] and even then, they did nothing whatever, giving the impression that Chris and his Pokémon abominations are the only thing standing in between peace and eternal virgins with rage. However, [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] seems to reveal that there are three sets of "other" protectors: a (possibly) nondescript police force (distinct from [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s [[jerkops]]), as well as his own team of [[Power Rangers]] and a team of [[Transformers]].

{{quote|Is CWCville under Martial Law? |[[Jack Thaddeus]] citing the truth as he sees it}}

It gets even scarier. In a conversation that [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3|Chris had with Jack Thaddeus]], he reveals that CWCville is the home of a paramilitary force equipped with tanks which he uses as a "Police Force", and all his Electric Hedgehog Pokémon enjoy immunity from prosecution and are above the law. If we add all this to the fact that there are no free elections in CWCville, this shows us the city in the hands of a dictator running it with an iron fist, and backed with super-powered goons who are free to do any atrocity with impunity. According to Chris, Magi-Chan mentally scans the city perimeters for any sexual acts, and reports any homosexual activity to the authorities. The participants are then [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|"tried and fined HEAVILY; $500 or 50 Hours of Community Service"]]. Apparently in CWCville, the [[Wikipedia:Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution]] does not apply in matters of personal sexual choice. This might put him at odds with [[Chris and sex#Pedophilia|his own sexual ideals...]]

In a strange [[Chris and hypocrisy|set of double standards]], Chris has been shown to injure, kill, or damage people and property ''outside of CWCVille''. [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] has shown no less than three grievous acts upon others: the destruction of the 4-cent_garbage building, the murder of over one hundred alleged "trolls" in said destruction, breaking and entering, and destroying Internet files and property.

Following the death of [[Simonla]], the culprits (Alec, Mao, Sean and Evan) are subjected to a show trial, and given no defense attorney by the state (violating the [[Wikipedia:Sixth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Sixth Amendment]]) forcing Sean to act as their lawyer despite being high as a kite. There is no solid evidence presented for the murder charge, aside from the Voltorb remote (which the prosecutor never tried to prove belonged to them) and wholly unreliable "psychic evidence" extracted by Magi-Chan. When they're railroaded and found guilty, they're ''killed by the people they've wronged'' (read: murdered brutally by cartoon characters), in a gross violation of the [[Wikipedia:Eighth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Eighth Amendment]] forbidding cruel and unusual punishment.

Demonstrating Chris's limited understanding of trials (as his knowledge of trials stems purely from television), the kangaroo court integrates both elements of civil and criminal trials. The Asperpedia Four are not only prosecuted for murder by a [[Marvey Blaziken|state attorney]], as per a criminal trial, but also charged with defamation of character, libel, and copyright infringement (as well as several charges such as "profanity to the max" that would hold no water in an actual court) by Chris and his cohorts, as per a civil trial. Surely enough, Chris, Sonichu, and Rosechu are sitting in a bench marked "PLAINTIF" [''sic'']. That both civil and criminal charges are included in one trial not only demonstrates a poor understanding of the courtroom process, but is further proof that Chris considers "slanderous mockeries" and other torts on par with major crimes such as murder and assault. To add to the equation, one normally cannot be given a death sentence (or any sentence, for that matter) for being guilty in a civil trial, but in the Asperpedia Four trial civil charges are the primary reason for the death sentence. In summary, the CWCville court system is a constitutional nightmare that violates multiple articles and amendments, and has no concept of due process. One must wonder why it is allowed to exist within the borders of the United States.

tl;dr: Any semblance of law in CWCville exists solely to further the wishes of its tyrannical (and murderous) Mayor.

==See also==
*[[Parody]]
*[[Jerkop]]
*[[Manajerk]]

==Sauces==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Song for Jackie.MOV

2010-11-10T17:03:18Z

Kazmeyer:

[[File:128469211411.jpg|thumb|The greatest show on earth]]

'''Song for Jackie.MOV ''' is a video uploaded by [[Chris]] to [[YouTube]] 16 [[September 2010]]. At [[Jackie's]] direction, Chris dons a turban and paints his face in black and red to resemble [http://dragonball.wikia.com/wiki/Mr._Popo Mr. Popo] from ''[[Dragon Ball Z|Dragon Ball]]'' and [[Chris and Music|"sings"]] his version of [[Wikipedia:Mmm_Mmm_Mmm_Mmm|"Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm"]] by [[Wikipedia:Crash_Test_Dummies|Crash Test Dummies]].

Note that "sings" is in quotes because Chris's grating mumblings make even his earlier [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|ill-fated music career]] sound like the work of a classically-trained soprano by comparison. Likely unaware of the similarity of his makeup to [[Niggos|blackface]], he rounds out the performance with an impromptu [[Wikipedia:Minstrel show|minstrel song]] adapted from the Spike Lee movie ''[[Wikipedia:Bamboozled|Bamboozled]]'', his [[muscle bra|masculine bosoms]] flailing wildly with each gyration.

It is also worth noting that the original song's lyrics (which tell of two children who carry deformities, but glad they are not in a "[[Autism|Holy Roller]]"-style church like the third child of the song) denote either Chris's inability of getting the message of (even [[Kacey|blatant]] and [[BlueSpike|thinly veiled]]) [[Family_guy#Influence_on_Chris|satire]], his desperation in his [[Love Quest]], or both. Instead, he [[Asperger syndrome|uses the limelight]] [[Chris and his ego|for himself]], while also implying that Jackie too has some deformity that is forgivable by the Nietzschean (or Nietzsch-Chan) superman that is Chris.

Showing his usual amount of knowledge regarding other [[Chris and Religion|religions]], Chris makes reference to Hinduism despite the fact that genies (or djinni) are an Arabic concept. As if racially insensitive behaviour is not enough, Chris manages to add some religious ignorance to the mix, achieving precisely the opposite of what he intended by informing any Hindus and black people who may be watching that he meant no offense.

At this point, Jackie's reaction is unknown, but it's expected that [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] will soon be shot to pieces by [[niggos|G's]] from da hood.

==Video==

{{quotebox|Attention, I am portraying the Dragonball Character, Mr. Popo.

I am not, [[:File:SchuComic9Page19-C.jpg|nor would ever]], making fun of any [[black people]] living, [[Chris and Death|dead]] or fiction. Nor am I making fun of the Hindu people. Both of which, Blacks and Hindus, are good people too.

Again, this video presentation is NOT meant to make fun of the Blacks or the Hindus. It is only a video for my girlfriend to cosplay as Mr. Popo from the Dragonball Television Series.}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Song For Jackie
| video = {{#ev:youtube|TzAJvMKQeJA}}
| stardate = 16 [[September 2010]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Racism|text}}, {{Sex|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}
| shirt = {{DenimJacket|text}}
| previous = [[XBox is OK.MOV]]
| next = [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV]]
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
}}

===Transcript===
[[File:jolsonshock.jpg|thumb|left|Al Jolson is appalled by Chris's faggotry]]
[[File:Leadbelly.jpg|thumb|Leadbelly's reaction to this video]]
[[File:PopoWTF.jpg|thumb|Mr. Popo is not amused]]

[''fake sounding accent''] 'Ello. I am [[Pedo-glasses|glasses]] wearing genie, [[Dragon Ball Z|Mr. Popo]]. [''nods and folds his arms, then turns on audio''] I tell you a story. It is a good story. You will enjoy story.

[''plays "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm"'']

[''starts "singing" ''] Once there was this boy [''flashes manboobs''] who was born with some autism and yet made a few friends, but after his [[high school]] years he...[[ShecameforCWC.JPG|lost]]...his [[gal pals|friends]] and was [[Stress|troll tortured]]. By [[Trolls|bullies]] who were [[Chris and his Ego|jealous of his material things]] [wiggles his head from side to side and waggles his finger] Nonononononono. [''hums'']

Once there was this girl who continued to have friends long after high school. She could have had her pick of men. But then she found the wayward lost boy. They matched up very well, [[:File: SchuComic10P09.jpg|heavenly matched]]...
Loooove, he was so[?]... [''hums'']

And both [''starts to say 'boy', turns it into 'girl'''] [[Gay|boirl]] and boy were glad when they both saw each other's eyes. When they met up! They both thought of each other. Very often! They had enjoyed each other's company sweetly. Oh, roller coaster ecstasy. [[Chris and Reality|In fantasy]], their days were simple and they looked to be married and have their own [[Reginald Chandler|boy]]. And [[Crystal|girl]]. It's true! Wait for [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|marriage invitations]]!

[''Suddenly animated, imitating fiddle player''] And there ain't no Saiyans on de [[Gitar of Fail|fiddle]], no Saiyans on de fiddle like this! Ain't no Saiyans on de fiddle, no Saiyans on de fiddle like this!

[''begins to dance what is most likely a continuation of whatever Minstrel Song he saw; a mockery of African aboriginal dancing'']
Asanyoheywahwah hohoheyahoh!
Asanyoheywahwah hohoheyahoh!

And there ain't no Saiyans on de fiddle, no Saiyans on de fiddle like this! Ain't no Saiyans on de fiddle, no Saiyans on de fiddle like this!

Asanyoheywahwah hohoheyahoh!
Asanyoheywahwah hohoheyahoh!

[''spoken''] Happy [[hanky-panky|loving]]! Between me and Jackie! I love you [[sweetheart]]. Boing!

==See also==
* [[For My Sweetest Ivy]]
* [[A CWC Audition]]
* [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|For J-R's Eyes Only]]
{{clear}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[XBox is OK.MOV]]|nextlink=[[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV]]}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

JERKS

2010-11-10T17:01:48Z

Kazmeyer: /* Insensitive or disrespectful */

[[Image:140-AJerk.jpg|thumb|Chris even divides his [[trading card game]] monsters into JERKS and females]]

'''JERK''' is [[Chris's]] term for men in general, including those who are not [[niggo]]s, [[homos]] or [[jerkops]]. The canonical definition is "a MAN, other than myself, CWC, and my father, [[Bob Chandler|Robert Franklin Chandler, Jr.]]"<ref>[[Story of My Current Days]]</ref>

For example, Chris labeled every single one of his male [[MySpace]] friends as a JERK in his personal list. A few "respectable males" are apparently exempt from JERK status, such as [[George W. Bush]] and [[Barack Obama]] (and possibly [[Congrats, Jack Black|Jack Black]]).

One reason is the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]].

==Use as a denominator==

Although he has defined the term "jerk" to mean all men save him and his father, the usage of the term seems to apply to any person who gets in the way of Chris doing something that he wants to do. If Chris wants [[china]] and can't get it because the object of his affection has a significant other, that significant other is a jerk. Chris wanted to win the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown]], but [[Adam Stackhouse]] got in the way, therefore he is a jerk — allegedly because he broke the rules of the contest and used music, actually because he spoiled Chris's plans for sex with [[Megan Schroeder]]. Whether your intention was to obstruct Chris's efforts or not, you are a jerk for presenting a barrier to his goal.

Even being more talented than Chris, or more socially well-adjusted (no great feat, considering Chris) is enough to make one a jerk in Chris's eyes. Men with girlfriends did not specifically intend to cock-block Chris; they only did what well-adjusted people do and asked out a girl they liked. Adam Stackhouse simply made a good video for a competition he wanted to win and had no intention of thwarting an autistic's plans to seduce his best friend (again, the PaRappa showdown). In Chris's [[Ego|self-centered]] way of thinking, though, they were all out to get him.

Chris has stated that all men are jerks [[I am STRAIGHT|"because they are rude, crude, and inconsiderate... causing wars and such"]]. However, all world leaders are among the few males he respects. This carries the implication that he considers most normal men, rather than national leaders, as responsible for most wars.

==Use as a prefix/suffix==

Chris derides certain professions by using "jerk" as a prefix (as with [[jerkop]]) or a suffix (as with [[manajerk]]). The addition of the prefix/suffix comes from their actions which, again, prevented Chris from getting what he wanted. Never mind the fact that managers and police officers are simply doing their job when they stop creepy patrons from [[Attraction_sign|soliciting members of the public for sex]]. They have obstructed his quest for [[china]] and so are jerks. Due to repeated encounters with these professions, Chris has taken to describing any member of their ranks as a jerk.

==Varying usage==

Despite the fact that Chris has openly declared that '''all''' men are jerks, in practice he doesn't seem to automatically apply the term to every man he meets. [[Robert Simmons V]] was held in some regard before he turned troll against Chris. [[Joseph Herring]] was considered a high-school friend (although Chris drew him as an ugly zit-scarred freak in his comic). Chris considered [[Joshua Martinez]] a friend (though he still tried to get [[ED]] to ruin him) as long as he thought Josh would help him score some china. John Schroeder, [[Megan]]'s brother, was even the main character in one of Chris's fake [[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue|video games]]. Once again, however, that was probably a side-effect of Chris's lust for Megan.

Given that Chris doesn't rigidly adhere to his original definition of the word, we can reach one of two conclusions:

1. Chris does not necessarily regard all men as jerks.

2. Chris still considers them jerks, but will play along for selfish reasons until they can no longer help him.

Based on what we know, most of us are betting on the latter.

==Connection to behavior==

Wiktionary defines a [[wiktionary:jerk|jerk]] as '''A [[Chris|person]] with [[lies|unlikable]] or [[Honest Content|obnoxious]] qualities and behavior, typically [[Chris and Anger|mean]], [[Chris and his Ego|self-centered]] or disagreeable, and often not very [[Honor roll|intelligent.]]'''

In the cases of people Chris has labeled a jerk, this is often very far from the truth. People Chris has labeled in this way have been known for all manner of redeemable qualities such as [[Bagget|heroism]], [[Mary Lee Walsh|having a good sense of responsibility]] to the people under their care and being [[Adam Stackhouse|uniquely talented]]. Indeed, simply having a girlfriend hardly seems a good reason to be labeled a jerk. Then again, Chris is not well-known for acknowledging the accomplishments of those other than himself.

==Chris as the embodiment of JERK==

Ironically, or perhaps better put, hypocritically, Chris's actions make him more deserving of the term jerk than most people he applies it to.

===Unlikable or obnoxious qualities and behavior===

The fact that he receives a [[monthly tugboat]] for nothing while [[Chris_and_money#But_wait.2C_Chris_isn.27t_employed.21|feeling he deserves it]] has been a major sticking point for all CWC-watchers. Having a [[Speech_Impediment|whiny]] voice and [[Chris_and_English|a terrible command of English]] while touting himself as [[Honor roll|talented and well educated]] are a major cause of further irritation. Also, the fact that he feels deserving of so many things while [[Vivitheg's_AIM_chat|doing so little to achieve them]] make most scream in agony at the levels of obnoxiousness.

===Mean===

Chris repeatedly [[Death threats|makes threats]] and has [[Chris and anger|outbursts of anger]].

===Self-centered===

Any man who makes his own [[CWCville|universe]] where he rules as a god is probably not the most considerate of others.

Also, [[Ryan_Cash|this]], [[PANDAHALO#Death|this]] and [[Chris_and_religion#Chris_the_Shaman|especially this]].

===Disagreeable===

The fact that Chris can't stop hating on [[Homo|homos]], hurls [[Chris and race#Not a racist?|racial slurs]], has a very [[Chris_and_sex|skewed opinion on women]], selectively [[Chris_and_religion|adapts the bible]] to fit his own beliefs and just generally shows no common sense regarding any topic makes him highly disagreeable to almost anyone of any opinion. This may also now disqualify Bush from exemption from the rule, as Bush has previously stated his strong support for the abstinence of young women — something against which Chris is very, very firmly set.

===Insensitive or disrespectful===

Hoo boy is this a big one. Between his [[Twin Falling Towers|mockery of 9/11]], [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|disrespect for the victims of the Titanic's sinking]], [[Niggos|outbursts]] [[War Paint Video|of]] [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|racist behavior]] and other callous acts to meet his own ends, they make Chris a big-time jerk for this reason alone. Also, Chris had a lot of disrespect for Kacey's dad [[Father Call|upon first meeting him]].

===Often not very intelligent===

[[List of Chris's sweethearts|More]] [[fail|like]] [[Honor roll|all]] [[Attraction Sign|of]] [[trolls|the]] [[CWC-isms|time.]]

==The list of males Chris doesn't hate==

The most recent version of T.L.O.M.C.D.H. was provided in [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|Chris's annotations to his ED article]]. There it goes as follows:
# [[Chris]] himself;
# [[Bob Chandler|his father]];
# "[[Santa Clause]]" [sic];
# [[Jesus]];
# [[God]];
# [[Barack Obama|the President of the United States]];
# [[Molvanîa|all the World Leaders]];
# ALL male acquaintances and friends, past and present.

By thoroughly analyzing this information, we can conclude that:
* ... [[Fail|he still believes in "Santa Clause"]];
* ... he places "Santa Clause" over [[God]] or [[Jesus]], since he put the former before the latter in this list;
* ... he thinks God has a clearly-defined gender and is male;
* ... he thinks God and Jesus are separate beings;
* ... he hates all other male Saints, as well as Apostles, Martyrs, Angels (if he believes they have a gender), priests, monks, etc. etc.;
* ... he only likes the current holder of the U.S. Presidential seat, meaning he could hate [[Bush]] now that [[Obama]] is President;
* ... he hates all the other male persons in the U.S. Government, starting with the V.P.;
* ... he holds leaders such as [[CWCville|Kim Jong-il and Robert Mugabe]] in higher esteem than the majority of the male population of Earth;
* ... if Chris had lived in the 1930-40s, he wouldn't hate Hitler, Tojo or Mussolini (but would hate the Allied troops who fought them);
* ... he most likely assumes "all the World Leaders" are [[Women's rights|male]];
* ... he doesn't hate some IRL [[trolls]] like [[Mimms]] or [[Joshua Martinez]], as they were his friends/acquaintances in the past;
* ... he still hates most of the male population of Earth, including most honorable and heroic people.

However, in the same [[Chris chan (CWCipedia)|annotations]], Chris confusingly states that his [[Noviophobia]] is "Out-Of-Date." He goes on to say that he only hates trolls and da haytahs now, but also states that he is "cool" with the "hating 99% of the world's men" theory. In any case, the list is at least applicable to ''some'' point in Chris's biography, even if he [[Lies|"got over it"]];

==Sauces==
<references />

{{Not_Jerks}}
{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Talk:Monthly tugboat

2010-11-09T17:45:12Z

Kazmeyer: /* Just to clarify */

==To do==
*Chris's references to his monthly tugboat (see Smithey e-mails and Miyamoto e-mails).

== BETTER TO DO ==
The origins are explained in the BlueSpike Skype log...somewhere. just...look for it. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 20:14, 11 October 2010 (PDT)
:Done, Cash Sifu. --[[User:SeventhBase|Seventh]][[User Talk:SeventhBase|Base]] 20:29, 11 October 2010 (PDT)

----

Random Thought: Since Chris gets paid from welfare out of our pockets, are we not paying for him entertaining us? It seems like a fair exchange for me. If anything, Chris should be thanking us (and everyone else who is an USAfag and pays taxes) for keeping him and his creepy obsessions alive. Since I have to pay for him, I want to get every cent worth from this lolcow. --[[User:Wild Sonichu|Wild Sonichu]] 04:33, 12 May 2009 (CEST)

==Disambiguation==
'Monthly Tugboat' shoud just contain the definition and the times he's used the word, we shoud create another page titled 'Chris and Money' --[[User:Robotnik|Robotnik]] 01:38, 20 May 2009 (CEST)

I liek both the above ideas. --[[User:Jump|Jump]] 17:22, 30 May 2009 (CEST)

==$800,$750?==

I've noticed that some pages say that his tugboat is $750 and others saying that it's $800. Does anyone have evidence to show which value it is?([[User:Drlugae|Drlugae]] 19:25, 21 July 2009 (CEST))
*The thing is, Chris has said about three different values. I believe he's said "$800" so let's try and find a citation for that. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:48, 21 July 2009 (CEST)
*The tugboat rises in value each year so long as cost of living increases, so it's definitely over $800. $750 might be an old number from a few years back. [[User:Elephant|Elephant]] 17:06, 4 April 2010 (UTC)

==State or federal?==
Is the welfare program chris leeches off of paid for by all taxpayers or just the ones in virginia? [[User:V3N0M1300|V3N0M1300]] 21:18, 28 September 2009 (CEST)
*It's social security. So it's federal. And it is somehow arranged through Bob's SSN. Details as to how this works exactly are fuzzy. But it isn't typical state welfare. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 22:01, 28 September 2009 (CEST)
:*It needs to be reiterated that this is not a welfare check but a disability check. It is a form of government welfare, but it is not welfare in a "you don't need to work" sort of way but that he has managed to establish he has a disability (namely autism) that prevents him from maintaining or keeping work. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:29, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

== On Advice of Bob? ==

Is there a source of where this came from? If it came from Chris I feel it may be a point to make that this may be Chris' point of view on the matter and may not reflect the truth. --[[User:El Presidente|El Presidente]] 12:14, 3 November 2009 (CET)

== This is bullshit ==

NOT. A. FORUM. --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 11:14, 4 September 2010 (PDT)
: Sorry for asking here, but since the PVCC is private, where can we go to talk about the BS about Chris spending our money on his stuff at? -- [[User:Ashki|Ashki]]
:: There may still be a /cwc/ board on 789chan. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 02:22, 23 September 2010 (PDT)

== Can someone explain this to me in Chris's terms? ==

"Even if this weren't enough, the most cursory research reveals that an SSDI recipient could have earned from $700 dollars a month in the year 2000, when Chris was 18, to $1000 dollars a month in 2010 without losing a cent of their SSDI income."

I'm not entirely sure how this works. Exactly, what did Bob do to screw Chris over? --[[User:AntonImaus|AntonImaus]] 00:18, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
: Whether Bob "screwed Chris over" is kind of a matter of perspective, but it works like this. If an SSDI beneficiary works a real job and makes enough money, they will receive reduced benefits according to how much actual income they earn. However, there's a threshold that has to be reached before that reduction starts happening, which is what that quote describes. Chris could get a job and earn as much as a grand a month before the government started docking his monthly SSDI check (and he'd have to earn a lot more than that before they stopped giving him any SSDI money at all). So the argument would be that Bob has misled Chris to his detriment by convincing him that if he works, he won't make as much money as he brings in just by waiting for his SSDI checks. The counter-argument would be that Bob still has two brain cells to rub together and knows that sending Chris into the workforce would just mean eventually having to deal with another court date. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 02:40, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
::Alright, I should know how this works but it seems more clear now. Thanks. --[[User:AntonImaus|AntonImaus]] 19:06, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

:::Chris gets around $9000/year from the gov't. Half of that goes towards "room & board" or something which like money the gov't would give to a mental institution or your caretakers. The rest is to pay for your living expenses including entertainment -- the gov't doesn't give a shit if you go see a movie or two on their dime. In theory they want you to be able to earn money on SSI, but if Chris did find and keep a job, even if it's washing dishes at Denny's, that could prove that his autism doesn't disable him hard enough to get free money. If he can work at a job then he's not disabled, and the tugboat goes away probably forever. Most of the money Chris has under his control gets spent on entertainment, because his parents still buy most or all of his food and gas. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 02:31, 23 September 2010 (PDT)
::::Chris getting a job wouldn't end the tugboat; it's meant to supplement a low-paying job (as that's all Chris will ever be able to hold down) and provide a living wage. The disability payment is based on his autism, not on some judgment of how much he can or can't work. As noted above, his payments would only start to decrease once he started making over $12k a year. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 06:06, 23 September 2010 (PDT)
:::::SSI is only paid if your mental illness is so bad that you can't keep a job. It's fairly easy to lose SSI. This is like when people get disability insurance payments for a back injury and are caught lifting heavy shit. $12k a year is $8/hr for 30/hrs a week, btw. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 12:25, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
::::::Specifically, you get SSDI if you can't do "substantial work," whatever that means. I'm not sure it means just the same thing as the $x/month. --[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 18:48, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
:::::::There's a substantial difference between SSI (payments only to the disabled, end if you can work) and SSDI (payments to the disabled to supplement work income). Chris gets SSDI, he does not get SSI. (SSDI requires Social Security work credits, which is why Bob's work history was involved; SSI is paid out of the general revenues and would actually validate the Chris-on-welfare meme trolls like to get mad about.) [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 19:58, 24 September 2010 (PDT)

:I'm the one who wrote that. I know because I'm basically Chris. As SSDI was explained to me by a Social Security worker when I applied for it, you can make only up to a certain amount of money a month, after which you lose 100% of your benefits either immediately or after some sort of review process. This action is binary; there is no gradient similar to the $1 you lose for every $2 you make while getting SS retirement benefits. That amount changes yearly according to a certain, proscribed plan, I'm sure to adjust for inflation and shit. In 2010, the amount is $1000, i.e. person on SSDI—i.e. Chris—could contribute to society an amount of work a month worth $1000 without being penalized in the slightest, but Chris's dad, being an ignorant, self-important hick who holds some idiotic, arbitrary, long-dated sense of "honor" or God-knows what above any natural sense of decency, i.e. a Southerner, apparently convinced Chris not to bother. --[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 18:43, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
::I think, as has been speculated, Bob discouraged Chris from working in order to keep him out of trouble. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 19:58, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
:::That's obviously a possibility as Chris would IMMEDIATELY FUCK UP EVERYTHING if he got a job, but the article says that "[o]n the advice of his father, Chris doesn't get a job, supposedly because the tugboat gives him more money overall," which is just flat-out stupid advice. I read somewhere that people don't always say exactly what they believe, though. --[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 21:25, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
::::Aye. I think "You can't get a job because you'll lose your disability" was just easier for Bob to use to convince him than "You can't get a job because you're a fuckup of cosmic proportions." [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 04:59, 3 October 2010 (PDT)

== Just to clarify ==

Since I edited the acronyms on this page -- when you're talking about the income that Chris receives from the gov't, that's '''Supplemental Security Income (SSI)''', the $800 or so he receives monthly. '''Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI)''' is something different; in Chris's case, that's Medicare (the federally funded healthcare system in the U.S., for overseas CWCikipedians). Since he is permanently disabled (his autism won't be "cured" by GodJesus or any of Chris's forgiveness blessings), he will ALWAYS receive Medicare, which pays for 80% of most healthcare excluding dental, vision, etc, but, as noted, his SSI is contingent on his total income & the poverty level in Virginia. I think he technically receives more than $800/month, but the money that's not deposited into his bank goes straight toward paying his Medicare premium. Obviously it's different for every case. Anyway, there are several other Social Security type benefits like Veterans, Survivors, Death, etc, but it always causes confusion because the acronyms are all fucked -- the Nixon administration or whoever didn't think their cunning plan through. [[Image:Horse3.gif|Horsehorsehorse]] [[User talk:Horsehorsehorse|Talktalktalk]] 16:00, 3 October 2010 (PDT)
:Thanks for clearing that shit up, I can see I was confused on a number of points. Well done. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 16:33, 3 October 2010 (PDT)
::Actually, no, Chris's check is SSDI because they had to use Bob's work record to file for it. That wouldn't have been necessary if it was SSI. Chris would also be subject to extremely stringent asset rules if he was receiving SSI. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 16:59, 3 October 2010 (PDT)

:::Of course, now with the Jackie emails, things are confused again. Chris referred to his tugboat exclusively as SSI, but that's not something he would have had to use Bob's social security record to get, merely proof of his own lack of income/assets. It's good news for the "sink the tugboat" crowd if he's telling the truth, though; it's a lot easier to lose SSI benefits than SSDI. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 09:45, 9 November 2010 (PST)

Rocky Shoemaker

2010-11-08T00:43:01Z

Kazmeyer: removed speculation, inaccuracies

[[Image:shoemaker.jpg|thumb|Rocky Shoemaker]]

[[Image:ivyjesus.jpg|thumb|''[[Ivy]] vs. The Methodist Church''. Coming to a theater near you]]

'''Rochelle "Rocky" Shoemaker''' is a pastoral counselor (actual title - "Assistant Pastor for Care Ministries") at the [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church]], who advised [[Chris]] on several matters, going as far back as the [[Miyamoto Saga]].

==Biography==

Rocky used to work in the [http://www.cof-umc.org/index.html Community of Faith United Methodist Church], where she garnered high praise and [http://cof-umc.org/blog/?p=3 comparisons with Rocky Balboa]. In the year of Our Lord [[2009]], she brought about the end of the [[Ivy]] Saga, by pushing Chris to go to the police about Ivy.

This wasn't the first time she wanted to call the cops, either - [[Julie]] and [[PandaHalo]] have both incurred her wrath in the past.

The last straw came in the form of [[Joshua Martinez]], aka [[Vanessa Hudgens]], who tried to swindle some money out of Chris by trading him a [[PSP]]. After that, Shoemaker made [[Bob Chandler]] and [[Barb]] contact the cops who tried to find Ivy and even managed to get a background check on her and came up with nothing.

In a [[IRC (23 July 2009)|July 2009 IRC Chat]] Chris, believing that he had entered the chat incognito (although the trolls had in fact instantly seen through his false identity), suggested that the trolls force him to [[Chris and sex|rape]] Rocky. Rocky herself is aware that Chris said this. The fact that she did not kick him out of the church on the spot speaks volumes about her sanity.

In addition to her interaction with Chris, Rocky has an adult son who works at RockStar Games, makers of Grand Theft Auto.

==The ultimate white knight?==
Rocky Shoemaker might be the only person in the world who is genuinely concerned about Christian's well-being. Judging by her approval of the [[Love Quest]], it can be inferred that she supports Christian's desire for [[china]].

Despite saving him from the wiles of Joshua Martinez and [[Clyde Cash]], it seems as though Rocky is ineffective at making an impact in Christian's life where it really matters - namely his [[Homos|bigotry]], [[Chris and his Ego|selfishness]], [[Chris and death|total disregard for others]], [[Chris and health|gluttony]], and [[Chris and anger|rage]].

One can usually spot her hand in affairs if Chris begins to display common sense. It is generally believed that she was behind Chris's attempt to quit the internet forever on 21 March 2010, as the video was made on a Sunday. Chris likely meets with her on Thursdays and Sundays, as he suddenly developed basic pattern recognition skills long enough to catch one troll on 29 April and smoke out [[Sydney Contacts|another]] on 1 May (though he may have simply gotten both mixed up with [[Jackie]]).

Chris insists that Rocky is a better counselor than a professional psychologist, and seems to accept uncritically whatever she says.

==See also==
*[[Chris and religion]]
*[[Chris and sex]]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Shoemaker, Rocky}}
[[Category:People]]

ToJackie

2010-11-02T16:34:27Z

Kazmeyer: edited to bypass uncertainty about the object

'''ToJackie''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 30 [[October 2010]]. In this video, Chris begs [[Jackie]] not to leave him, insisting that she matters more than [[video games]], that he can [[Random access humor|make her laugh]], and that no other [[Sex toys|non-living]] [[PS3|object]] can replace her.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = ToJackie
| video = {{#ev:youtube|53pObVcCj2s}}
| stardate = 30 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}, {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
| shirt = {{BrickFestShirt|Grey T-shirt}}
| previous = [[Ghostbusters (video)|Ghostbusters]]
| next = Current
}}

===Transcript===
[[File:I_want_you_Jackie.jpg|thumb|right|200px|How can you say no to that [[stare]]?]]

''[Chris performs a dramatic glasses removal.]''

Listen. Jackie? I gotta— I gotta tell it to you straight. I mean, yeah. I have been doing these videos and everything FOR YOU. I put— I've given you so much time and energy. I want you to know that… it is all good. I am being honest with you. I have been honest with you. Sometimes, I have misspoke. But you are more important to me than ANYTHING. Believe me! I swear. [[Chris and religion|Hand to God. And on my Bible]]. I'd have to go look for it.

''[Chris turns around, looking for his Bible.]''

It's right over— here it is.

''[Chris picks up and places his hand on his "Bible".]''

Yeah, look. Hand on my Bible. I swear to God. I love you more than any— more than anything, Jackie. I love you more than anything.

''[Chris puts the object down.]''

And, plus, I'll be able to make you laugh. Make you more happy. Make you smile a lot more, after we meet— after we get together. I mean—

''[Chris turns around, shoves fake breasts up his shirt, and turns around again.]''

Hey, look. This is fun.

''[Chris imitates his [[WelcometoBollywood|belly dancing]].]''

We can feel each other up, ya know?

''[Chris bends over to show his breasts.]''

Hey, look. How do you like lookin' down at ''my'' cleavage? (Chris laughs.) I'll make you smile, make you happy. [Chris removes the fake breasts.] You know I will, because I love you. I love you a lot.

''[Chris pauses and slouches down.]''

And do— and there ain't no— there's nothing else in the world, 'cept outside my family. [''Chris noticeably sighs.''] You know, 'cause, you know, I gotta— I gotta respect my mom and dad. But no [[sonichu (game)|video game]], no high score or no dang [[PS3|console]] is going to go over you, because I love you so much more. You can return the feelings and emotions. No dang— non-living object can ever do that. I swear.

''[Chris stands up straight, leans forward and grabs the camera.]''

We'll be very happy together. I know it. I will make you happy as much as possible. And when you're feeling down, I'll make you feel better. I love you.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Ghostbusters (video)|Ghostbusters]]|nextlink=Current}}

{{Sweetheart Videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Talk:ToJackie

2010-11-02T10:54:02Z

Kazmeyer:

Umm Yeah from 2:10, I was fucking scared for my life after that vid. It's a shame that Chris will never find a "Real" woman that will love him for who he is. Also I'm not transcribing this shit I'm too creeped out [[User:ShinGokuIAM|ShinGokuIAM]] 10:48, 30 October 2010 (PDT)
: I just transcribed this. You really need to watch the video to see how frightening his face is. Then again, he's HFA, so he's willing on fabricating any emotion necessary to get sex. --[[User:Riley_Martin|'''Uhh… this is Riley Martin.''' O-Qua Tangin Wann]] 10:56, 30 October 2010 (PDT)
:: Gahh! I looked! Fucking hell, I looked into the eyes of insanity! *vomits* Fuck, my chicken nuggets! Gahh... Seriusly, this batch almost had me thinking Chris had jumped the shark (that comic #10 remake...zzzzzzZZzzzz...), and then this video at the end. Real horroshow. SO! From this video, we can infer some things: Chris has ''still'' yet to actually physcially meet Jackie, and Chris latest compuslion is transgender in nature. Seriously, what did he think he was gonna acheive with that "feel eachother up" stuff? We can add some lines about Chris and doublestandards on Dyke China, women's rights. Also, Chris is unable of being empathic, and thus, incapable of telling what girls are feeling; Like the other "don't leave me" ect videos, these are usually done after the "heartsweet" (troll) starts tearing into Chris for not doing enough things (and in the case of the one exception (Megan), when she told him to back the fuck off).--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 22:27, 30 October 2010 (PDT)
:::Transgender? There's no way in heck Chris has anything resembling gender dysphoria. - [[User:LucidFox|LucidFox]] 08:38, 1 November 2010 (PDT)

Sooooo.....yeah, do we add jackie to the "past" part of the sweethearts template?--[[User:CaseHa|CaseHa]] 17:27, 30 October 2010 (PDT)
:Jackie probably didn't break up with Chris, just perhaps expressed some concerns. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 17:54, 30 October 2010 (PDT)

Wish we could get a better look at that bible, but from the blur we see, it's safe to say it's probably old, but still pristine condition.--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 22:15, 30 October 2010 (PDT)
:It's not even a goddamn bible. It looks like an old PSX video game box or something.--[[User:Herpderpflerp|Herpderpflerp]] 00:01, 31 October 2010 (PDT)
::I wonder if he actually has any idea how serious swearing on a bible really is. Granted, I know many people who don't take the book seriously, but I think Chris misses the point that doing so constitutes an oath with perceived repercussions for breaking it. --[[User:Spoonman|Spoonman]] 02:44, 31 October 2010 (PDT)

==Bible==

Athiestfag here, but I have a friend who has a bible with silvery page corners, so when you look at it from the side it looks silver. He could have something similar. Look at the frame below. Looks to me like it's got a spine (on the right) and pages (based on the image gradient towards the bottom of the object). I duno lul

[[File:Babble.jpg|THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA]][[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 04:33, 31 October 2010 (PDT)

:When i First saw it i thought it was a stack of PS3 games, it could be a book, but looking at the light reflection it's either a nice bible with silver lined pages (unlikely), or something wrapped up in plastic, a unopened DVD box set perhaps?--[[User:CaseHa|CaseHa]] 10:00, 31 October 2010 (PDT)
::If it were a stack, would it really have a straight side like that? He picked it up/was holding it pretty sloppily, so I don't imagine it would stay so organised. It might not be a bible, but whatever it is, it looks to me like it's one object. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 13:08, 31 October 2010 (PDT)
:: In the video [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus]], I think we can see the bible he's holding is golden on the corners and got a soft cover. So, how can he hit it as a hard cover book? Why the pages are silvery? Why we see so little of it since it's always out of the camera's angle? I think this is a vulgar plastic box and that Chris is lying to us. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 15:22, 31 October 2010 (PDT)
:::Looking at that video, the gold effect could have been created by the horrible quality of his camera. It would be nice if it were just a game, but evidence doesn't point to it. CaseHa said it might be wrapped in plastic, but if you look at this second image (below), you'll see that the cover is not reflective. The cover also appears to be blue/purple/whatever, which is common with bibles. This is a bible, guys.
[[File:Babble2.jpg|THE BEGINNING AND THE END]] [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 06:18, 1 November 2010 (PDT)
:Either way, bible or games, probably never fucking opened.--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 11:18, 31 October 2010 (PDT)
::It's also entirely possible that he owns more than one Bible, so the idea that it doesn't match the Leviticus video may not matter. I'm not Christian and even I own a Bible, a gift from my Lutheran mother. Plus, a simple Bible isn't that expensive; I've seen that at the dollar store with foil-gilded edges for about $5-$10, which would give the silvery effect of a silver-gilded Bible. In person it's visibly not as nice as a book with real silver gilding, but considering the video quality, it'd probably tape about the same. [[User:BubblegumPinkButler|BubblegumPinkButler]] 11:40, 1 November 2010 (PDT)
:::That is absolutely not a Bible or a book of any sort. It's a box, something like an old-school computer game box. You can see the bottom part of the box (white) where it doesn't fit all the way into the cover, there's a silver sticker on the lower left of the "spine" (which is where they'd identify the computer type/OS) and when he hits it, it makes a hollow banging sound that you'd only get from a partially-empty cardboard box. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 00:31, 2 November 2010 (PDT)
::::The sound he makes when he hits it is the sound of hitting a soft-cover. Seriously, go try yourself. Also, stickers exist on books like all the time. ISBN or a bookstore-specific barcode. A sticker means nothing. Also, I present another picture. This one's actually decent. Looking at it, you can clearly see two things. One, I was wrong about the spine: It's just a crease or a lighting thing. Two, you can see the front AND back covers. The back cover is bent slightly, as this is a soft-cover bible. Show me any "old-school computer game box" that does that. Either there's some weird silvery band and a cover taped to an old game box which just happens to resemble a bible, or he found a bible. Why is it so hard to believe that he actually is holding the thing he says he's holding?

[[File:Babble3.jpg|FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU]][[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 02:01, 2 November 2010 (PDT)
:::::Because it doesn't look, sound, or behave like a softcover book in any way. If you watch the video in motion and don't just take a screencap, you see both of the "sides" facing the camera are half-silver and half-black; show me any book with pages colored in that way. If Chris was holding a softcover book in that manner, the pages would be fanned and the back cover would actually be bent. When he slaps it, the sound is hollow, not the sound you would get from a book as dense as a Bible. In your screencap, you can see the bottom half of the box clearly, the white line sticking out from where it's not overlapped by the top half of the box. Ain't a Bible. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 03:34, 2 November 2010 (PDT)
:::::Just to clarify - watch the corner closest to the camera when the box comes into shot. The silver "sticker" wraps around from the right side to the front. The only way that could possibly work was if it's a box top and not a book; it's a solid piece of cardboard. If that was a book, you wouldn't be able to open it. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 03:54, 2 November 2010 (PDT)

ToJackie

2010-11-02T10:35:13Z

Kazmeyer: Undo revision 123008 by Freecell (talk)

'''ToJackie''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 30 [[October 2010]]. In this video, Chris begs [[Jackie]] not to leave him, insisting that she matters more than [[video games]], that he can [[Random access humor|make her laugh]], and that no other [[Sex toys|non-living]] [[PS3|object]] can replace her.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = ToJackie
| video = {{#ev:youtube|53pObVcCj2s}}
| stardate = 30 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}, {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
| shirt = {{BrickFestShirt|Grey T-shirt}}
| previous = [[Ghostbusters (video)|Ghostbusters]]
| next = Current
}}

===Transcript===
[[File:I_want_you_Jackie.jpg|thumb|right|200px|How can you say no to that [[stare]]?]]

''[Chris performs a dramatic glasses removal.]''

Listen. Jackie? I gotta— I gotta tell it to you straight. I mean, yeah. I have been doing these videos and everything FOR YOU. I put— I've given you so much time and energy. I want you to know that… it is all good. I am being honest with you. I have been honest with you. Sometimes, I have misspoke. But you are more important to me than ANYTHING. Believe me! I swear. [[Chris and religion|Hand to God. And on my Bible]]. I'd have to go look for it.

''[Chris turns around, looking for his Bible.]''

It's right over— here it is.

''[Chris picks up and places his hand on what appears to be the box for a computer game.]''

Yeah, look. Hand on my Bible. I swear to God. I love you more than any— more than anything, Jackie. I love you more than anything.

''[Chris puts the box down.]''

And, plus, I'll be able to make you laugh. Make you more happy. Make you smile a lot more, after we meet— after we get together. I mean—

''[Chris turns around, shoves fake breasts up his shirt, and turns around again.]''

Hey, look. This is fun.

''[Chris imitates his [[WelcometoBollywood|belly dancing]].]''

We can feel each other up, ya know?

''[Chris bends over to show his breasts.]''

Hey, look. How do you like lookin' down at ''my'' cleavage? (Chris laughs.) I'll make you smile, make you happy. [Chris removes the fake breasts.] You know I will, because I love you. I love you a lot.

''[Chris pauses and slouches down.]''

And do— and there ain't no— there's nothing else in the world, 'cept outside my family. [''Chris noticeably sighs.''] You know, 'cause, you know, I gotta— I gotta respect my mom and dad. But no [[sonichu (game)|video game]], no high score or no dang [[PS3|console]] is going to go over you, because I love you so much more. You can return the feelings and emotions. No dang— non-living object can ever do that. I swear.

''[Chris stands up straight, leans forward and grabs the camera.]''

We'll be very happy together. I know it. I will make you happy as much as possible. And when you're feeling down, I'll make you feel better. I love you.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Ghostbusters (video)|Ghostbusters]]|nextlink=Current}}

{{Sweetheart Videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Talk:ToJackie

2010-11-02T10:34:36Z

Kazmeyer: /* Bible */

ToJackie

2010-11-02T07:32:08Z

Kazmeyer:

'''ToJackie''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 30 [[October 2010]]. In this video, Chris begs [[Jackie]] not to leave him, insisting that she matters more than [[video games]], that he can [[Random access humor|make her laugh]], and that no other [[Sex toys|non-living]] [[PS3|object]] can replace her.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = ToJackie
| video = {{#ev:youtube|53pObVcCj2s}}
| stardate = 30 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}, {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
| shirt = {{BrickFestShirt|Grey T-shirt}}
| previous = [[Ghostbusters (video)|Ghostbusters]]
| next = Current
}}

===Transcript===
[[File:I_want_you_Jackie.jpg|thumb|right|200px|How can you say no to that [[stare]]?]]

''[Chris performs a dramatic glasses removal.]''

Listen. Jackie? I gotta— I gotta tell it to you straight. I mean, yeah. I have been doing these videos and everything FOR YOU. I put— I've given you so much time and energy. I want you to know that… it is all good. I am being honest with you. I have been honest with you. Sometimes, I have misspoke. But you are more important to me than ANYTHING. Believe me! I swear. [[Chris and religion|Hand to God. And on my Bible]]. I'd have to go look for it.

''[Chris turns around, looking for his Bible.]''

It's right over— here it is.

''[Chris picks up and places his hand on what appears to be the box for a computer game.]''

Yeah, look. Hand on my Bible. I swear to God. I love you more than any— more than anything, Jackie. I love you more than anything.

''[Chris puts the box down.]''

And, plus, I'll be able to make you laugh. Make you more happy. Make you smile a lot more, after we meet— after we get together. I mean—

''[Chris turns around, shoves fake breasts up his shirt, and turns around again.]''

Hey, look. This is fun.

''[Chris imitates his [[WelcometoBollywood|belly dancing]].]''

We can feel each other up, ya know?

''[Chris bends over to show his breasts.]''

Hey, look. How do you like lookin' down at ''my'' cleavage? (Chris laughs.) I'll make you smile, make you happy. [Chris removes the fake breasts.] You know I will, because I love you. I love you a lot.

''[Chris pauses and slouches down.]''

And do— and there ain't no— there's nothing else in the world, 'cept outside my family. [''Chris noticeably sighs.''] You know, 'cause, you know, I gotta— I gotta respect my mom and dad. But no [[sonichu (game)|video game]], no high score or no dang [[PS3|console]] is going to go over you, because I love you so much more. You can return the feelings and emotions. No dang— non-living object can ever do that. I swear.

''[Chris stands up straight, leans forward and grabs the camera.]''

We'll be very happy together. I know it. I will make you happy as much as possible. And when you're feeling down, I'll make you feel better. I love you.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Ghostbusters (video)|Ghostbusters]]|nextlink=Current}}

{{Sweetheart Videos}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Talk:ToJackie

2010-11-02T07:31:12Z

Kazmeyer: /* Bible */

6 June 2010

2010-10-29T00:46:44Z

Kazmeyer: just the facts, ma'am

[[Image:CWC drunk driving.png|thumb|A summary of the events of 4 June 2010.]]

'''June062010.MOV''' is a video uploaded by Chris on 6 [[June 2010]] wherein he discusses a plan he hatched while drinking to stalk [[Michael Snyder]] at the [[The GAMe PLACe]]. This is after mentioning less than a week ago that he was leaving the [[Internet]] [[Chris and hypocrisy|for the fourth time]].

In early June 2010, based off his own description, Chris was [[alcohol|at a bar]] in Charlottesville when he drove off to The GAMe PLACe to go after Michael Snyder, leading to a confrontation with a [[manager]] when Chris took out his camera and attempted to take pictures of Snyder. When several people came out of the store to confront him, Chris got back in his car and attempted to flee, nearly hitting Snyder twice as he attempted to block Chris's escape. [[jerkop|Two police officers]] present at the shopping center stopped the fracas, listened to both sides, and then let Chris off with a warning after making him delete the pictures he'd taken.

Chris, probably scared of their reaction, never told [[Bob]] and [[Barb]] anything at all about this major incident, and they did not know anything about until the [[Matthew Noble call]] two months later.

==Background==
On 6 June 2010, Michael Synder commented on several Chris related [[YouTube]] videos:

{{quote|Christian is in my parking lot right now being grilled by the police. He took pictures of my daughter and tried to run me over with his car. they witness this, and I bet they still do nothing about it.|[[Michael Snyder]] on YouTube}}

==Description==
{{quotebox|**Do Not Believe Anything that has been posted On The Internet, Outside of This YouTube Account, as of May 28, 2010.

This Includes EVERYTHING that was said OUTSIDE of here, the Once Was [[Cwcipedia]] Before its Most Recent Hacking and my [[OKCupid]] Page.

[[Ego|I have spoken.]]

Have a good day,

Christian W. Chandler}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = June062010.MOV
| video = {{#ev:youtube|dMZAsb2ALIM}}
| stardate = 6 June 2010
| subject = {{Rumours|Rumors}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga = {{Game Place|text}}
| shirt = {{RedBlackTrim}} The Happy Jack
| previous = [[100 2189]]
| next = [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW]]
}}

==Transcript==
[''sigh''] June 6, 2010. At this, uh, moment, I, uh, have an understanding that there are misconceptions and rumors being spread about me, which, uh, I would like to state, very- right off, that rumors- spread rumors about anybody, especially to make them look terrible, is just ''not cool''. But anyway, uh, first off, I would like to state, I do not, quote unquote, "''piddle'' my [[Chandler_Cats|cats]]." I r- I, the only parts I touch on them are their back and their heads. Nothing more.

[''A long pause, where Chris seems about to speak several times.'']

[[Image:Tianasquare.jpg|thumb|200px|Michael Snyder in [[China|Tiananmen Square]]]]

Anyway. After that, let me tell you about, uh, what happened, uh... [''removes [[glasses]]''] ...last Friday at the, uh, fourth of June. Hm. Okay, so it was after- [[Fridays After Five]], I went over to a bar, and I had a [[Alcohol|Bud]]. A bottle of Bud. And I p- and then I played some solitaire on my [[DS]], while I- while I waited to the- uh, while I waited to the hour. But then, about, about three-quarters of an hour through, because I had a camera in my possession right then, I had the impulse of, "Hey, I'll go over to th- I'll go over to [[The GAMe PLACe|the PLACe]] and take a picture of Michael Snyder so that I can print it out later and [[CWC is Angry|use it as a dartboard]]." So then- so that- that's just basically what happened. So then I drove over to the parking lot, of the PLACe, in front of Staples, and then I made my way to the window to take a picture of ''him'', and nobody else. ...Right through the store window. Through the store window, just him. And that, uh, that, I was not alone there in front of the, uh, window, there was another dude who was apparently on his side and recognized me. He wanted to start a [[CWC_Fighter|fight]], but, in a fi- in a fight or flee, I decided to flee. So I went to [[Son-Chu|my car]], the man ran in and got Michael, and then Michael ''jumped'' in front of my car. He jumped in front of my car. He- as a matter of fact, he jumped on to the top of my hood! He was looming over my windshield!

It was horrifying. So I backed my car up. I backed my car up. And I- and I backed it up to my r- to my right. Then I see that there was, like, a couple of [[Jerkop|police]] cars in front of me, so that was like the wrong way to go, I should have backed up the other way. But anyway. So, to go around them... I went to another... aisle, and I drove through that. And then, so then I- then I decided to make a left turn. Bad, bad m- bad move right there. 'Cause he jumped in front of my car again, risking his own life! I could have been going top speed! He was lucky he didn't get hurt, as far as I know! Though I did not run him over. Jumped in front of my car, so I back up. And then I tried going around. And then this- and then this woman, I don't know who- I do not know who the [[Chris and Censorship|blank]] she is, she jumps in front of my car, so I stop again. And then I started backing up, and then I get stuck from behind, and then I'm trapped. Between the, between police and Michael and whoever the hell this woman was. So then I sorted it out with the police, uh, they dele- they deleted the pictures, and, uh, and the wom- and then the woman... t- the woman came to me right up front and accused me of things, like, you know, [[Nudes|see- seeing naked pictures on me on the internet]], and then accused me of child pornography! [[Rule 34|''I'' am ''not''... a pornographer of any sort!]] And any [[Nudes|naked pictures]] of me on the internet were either tricked from me by the [[trolls]], where they s- deceived me, or I was blackmailed! And there ''were'' a number of blackmailings! As th- as they have sss- ratted themselves out, on the CWC- on their websites such as the [[CWCki]] or even the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] webpage. Anyway, the... through- and also, uh, Michael just basically loomed into me, and he said, he just basically shouted from me, [[Death threats|"YOU'RE DEAD!]] [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|YOU'RE DEAD!"]] Right, if I had the right mind, I would send, I would give him a charge of verbal, serve him a charge of verbal harassment! [[Chris and English|So there's already under trouble for quote-unquote trespassing.]]

[''Another pause interspersed with attempts to speak.'']

And then, so, with that I told the police about... I reminded them, eventually, of- of the trolls of the internet that have, uh, been going against me, and so I warned them of websites such as the CWCki. ''And'' I named a troll or two. I'm not gonna say, uh, [[Clyde Cash|who I named]]. But anyway, they let me go with a- anyway I was let go with a warning, out of the parking lot. The point- th- the point is, the only pictures I was taking were of Michael Snyder. Nobody else! No children. ...I want to make that very clear. And also, I do not want any more rumors spread at all! It's bad enough you have to have ruined- you had to messed up my once-good name, and have to transfer it to real life. Which may, which, uh, I basically got that impression first-hand for practically the first time, so proved that theory, and it made me feel sad, because I am not the villain! The trolls are the villains. Because they spread- 'cause they troll me. They make up the crap. They exaggerate and/or twist around my truths. My spoken word. And they give me wrongful mislabelings. [[It's UGH!|I'm ''straight''!]] And they use damn Photoshop! To make it look like otherwise.

[''Another long lip-flapping pause.'']

So at this point, with my spacing myself away from the Internet, and I'm trying to put my name back at a [[Chris and English|clean state]], I p- I so- I put this unto everybody, and all people who look me up on the Internet. Do ''not'' believe ANYTHING... that- that's at all about me. Because I pretty much did away with my website, the CWCipedia...So do not believe anything that there is on the Internet about me. If you want clarification, send, uh, me an e-mail, or talk to me in person. [[Chris and rape|I ''encourage'' talking to me in person.]] 'Cause then we can meet- 'cause then it will be face to face. And there is no better way of reflecting my [[Honest content|honesty]] to you, the general public, than face to face. ...I want to go back to [[PS3|a normal life]]. And one way I could do that, to help go back to do that, is to quell the bad reputation. So again, I encourage everybody who looks me up on the Internet, since there's nothing- since I have removed most everything about myself personally... don't believe anything on the Internet about me at this point. Don't believe anything on the Internet about me!

Christian Weston Chandler, [[Ruckersville, Virginia]], [[America|United States of America]]. I leave y'all with that, and I bid y'all... a good day or evening depending on the time zone.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100 2189]]|nextlink=[[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW]]}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

WeighIn

2010-10-28T20:03:50Z

Kazmeyer: removed speculation

'''WeighIn''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 25 [[October 2010]], in which Chris, to the surprise of us all, steps on a scale to weigh himself. The scale gives a weight of 216 lb (15 st 6 lb / 98 kg). This weight marks him as [[obesity|obese]] for a man of his height (5'10", or 175cm).[http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi_scripts/bmi_udaim.pl?htf=5&hti=10&wt=216&scale=english&submit_e=Submit]

It is also revealed that Chris is wearing tape wrapped around the bridge of his [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]]. The reason behind this is unknown.

== Video ==
{{Infobox/video
| name = WeighIn
| video = {{#ev:youtube|og-3s0n91Ys}}
| stardate = 25 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Power|text}}
| style =
| shirt = {{RedBlueShirt|text}}
| previous = [[DayOut#At_Least_My_Face_Is_Not_F3c7ing_Orange|At Least My Face Is Not F3c7ing Orange ]]
| next = [[FullHouse]]
}}

===Transcript===
[[File:Towelrack.jpg|thumb|One explanation why Chris weighs less than 220lbs]]

Here is the official weigh-in on Sunday, September twenty- [[October 2010|October 24th 2010]].

[''Aims camera, jerkily, at scale readout.'']

If I can stay still long enough.

Hmmm.

Anyway it says 216.

[''Speaks into the camera again. His [[Glasses|glasses]] are now on his face and the bridge appears to be wrapped in tape.'']

Currently I'm 216 pounds.

{{videos}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[DayOut]]|nextlink=[[FullHouse]]}}
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

A Hike

2010-10-16T03:55:39Z

Kazmeyer:

[[File:monticello.jpeg|thumb|The "village" of Monticello]]

'''A Hike''' is a rare video that takes place both during the day and outdoors. The video is broken up into small chunks with [[Chris]] alternating between hiking and filming, [[Chris and health|presumably the exertion from walking up a slight grade requires all the energy he can muster]].

In what can be considered the spiritual successor to the [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]], he is immediately out of breath after the first cut and continues to deteriorate from that point. [[The Miscreants|Top men]] calculate the filming took place at the [http://www.monticello.org/parkway/trail.html Saunders-Monticello Trail].

While it is difficult to try to guess why Chris does things, a person might find it odd that he turns his camera off while walking. One theory might be he doesn't want people to see how little exercise it will take to get him tired. Thanks to a map of the Saunders-Monticello Trail (found [http://www.monticello.org/parkway/ParkwayTrails.pdf here]), we can calculate the relative health of Chris by comparing his breathing with the actual distance covered. Using the scale of the map, estimates place the distance from his car to the Palmer Woodland Theater at roughly 275 yards (250 m), or about 15% of a mile. It should be noted that this also happens to be the approximate distance of a walk if Chris were to start at the beginning of Branchland Court, walk around the cul-de-sac at the end of the street, and return from whence he started. Along with traversing the grueling 275-yard trail, Chris climbed an astounding 13 yards (12 m) in elevation.

Chris repeatedly refers to [[Wikipedia:Monticello|Monticello]], the historic home of famed Virginian and [[America]]n [[Wikipedia:Founding Fathers of the United States|Founding Father]] [[Wikipedia:Thomas Jefferson|Thomas Jefferson]], as "The" Monticello for no reason.

==Description==
{{EmailReply|I took a hike.}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = A Hike
| video = {{#ev:youtube|37pXWB9rjBU}}
| stardate = 9 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Power|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}
| saga =
| shirt = {{VertBlueGrayShirt|text}}
| previous = [[ECV 00001]]
| next = [[ECV 00002]]
}}

==Transcription==

[[File:Chris' River.jpg|thumb||What could be a 2ft stream, Chris considers a river]]
[[File:Mississipi River.jpg|thumb|The Mississippi River is 20-30ft wide]]
[[File:Chris' river 2.jpg|thumb||right|What could be a tiny creek, Chris considers a BIG river]]
[[File:Ohio River.jpg|right|thumb|The Ohio River is one mile wide]]
[[File:Ditch.jpg|thumb|What could be a 5ft deep ditch, Chris considers a chasm]]
[[File:Purgatory Chasm.jpg|thumb|A real chasm]]
[[File:Blairchris.png|thumb|The parallels are eerie.]]

'''0:00-0:14''' ''[Chris is filming himself with his handheld camera. He is sitting in his car in broad daylight. Children scream in the background]''

Quarter after three now. I'm gonna be making my way up a mountain trail nearby [[Wikipedia:Monticello|The Monticello]]. I'll check back in about a quarter of an hour. I've got my ''[[wikipedia:OFF!|OFF!]]'', an' got my camera here and my phone. Be okay.

''[Jump cut, Chris has begun to labor in his breathing]''

'''0:15-0:27''' Ah, just a few minutes into my little hiking trail. So I walk off course to visit the little woodland theater or Palmer that [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|my congregation]] and I visited one past Sunday

'''0:27-0:35''' ''[Chris walks up to the stage of the theater and pans the camera around the sitting area]''

'''0:35-0:38''' ...and now I'm gonna walk up further up the trail and I'll be back in a bit.

''[Jump cut, Chris is standing still.]''

'''0:38-0:55''' Annuder trail has gone esplored by me, so I'm gonna take a little look up the trail and see what's up this way. Check in in a bit, it is quite a mysterious forest. Along the mountain beside The Monticello.

''[Cut to dead tree]''

'''0:55-1:10''' Hm. A tree that has been uprooted by a past weather event, along the side of this path. Deep in the chasm, that forms a river. [[Random access humor|Which could be a river, if there was more water in it]].

''[Jump cut, Chris's heavy breathing is slowly replacing the narration as the dominant soundtrack]''

'''1:10-1:31''' Deeper and deeper into the forest the trail goes, where it leads? I don't know yet. There's a rock with moss. Moss grows on the north side. On tree bark or rock formations. I just walked across a wooden plank.

'''1:31-2:01''' ''[Prolonged gasping for air]''

'''2:01-2:21''' If you think it's spooky. Well, you're wrong. Because it's only a stick I've stepped on. [[Obesity|A really big stick]]. North is that way! As I have seen, on this rock and its mold.

'''2:21-2:51''' ''[Chris continues breathing heavily]''

'''2:53-3:03''' ''[Narration becomes slower and slower with more breaks]'' Huh, look at that. A tree bit formation with moss on the wrong side. Bet it got twisted and turned. That's why it's on the wrong side. Isn't it?

'''3:03-3:29''' ''[Chris continues his way up the trail, struggling for air]''

'''3:30-3:43''' It is a sunny day in the village of Monticello. It's even a sunny day in the forest. Things may or may not be well, we'll see what what happens as we walk long this trail

'''3:43-3:56''' ''[Breathing continues horribly]''

'''3:56-4:04''' Huh, another tree fallen. [[Chris_and_music#Singing|''[Chris sings]'' Free fallin']]. Cut up chucks.

'''4:04-4:14''' ''[Chris takes a pause from his narration again]''

'''4:14-4:55''' Ah, look at this, a bit of an open field. A field that is open for play by one animal or two, or so. Quite possibly, many more. I think we go this way in the fork of the road. Other way goes back to civilization and I'm not ready to head back just yet. Look at that ''[Chris points the camera at a tree]'' a shade of red on this tree. One would suppose, rotted? Or dead wood? Or perhaps it is just dirty from dirt and grime thrown upon by its wondrous past.

'''4:55-5:01''' Over here, there's another big tree. OVER THERE! Fallen and uprooted.

'''5:02-5:21''' ''[Heavy breathing, slow walking, shaky camera]''

'''5:22-5:27''' Quite a chasm down there. If that were water, it probably would be a river. A big one.

'''5:28-5:57''' ''[Heavy breathing; Chris burps loudly at '''5:36''']''

'''5:57-6:02''' Goin' up the trail, not down the trail. Goin' up the trail not down the trail.

'''6:02-6:28''' ''[At this point, it's safe to say Chris is about to give up]''

'''6:28-6:46''' I'd care to comment, but you know what? I'd just prefer to marvel on nature and it's revels. [[Random-access humor|A bug buzzing about me. Not busy as a bumble bee.]]

'''6:46-7:33''' ''[Camera spends prolonged periods of time pointed at the ground, Chris is now gulping air. Chris utters two pained grunts around the '''7:25''' mark.]''

'''7:33-7:38''' Whew, a long way up we have gotten.

'''7:38-8:01''' ''[Chris is stumbling with exhaustion and stops midway on the trail. He [[Stress sigh|sighs]] at '''7:56''']''

'''8:01-8:20''' Well I think we've reached the end of our trail, not too many ways to go, yeah? We have reached a dead end.
''[Camera clearly shows the trail continuing off to the right, despite Chris's claims to the contrary]''

Rest a moment and I'm going to head by to [[Son-Chu|my car]]. Take a hiking trail of your own, if you will, in your own forest where there in dwell.

''[Jump cut]''

'''8:21-8:30''' Another commentary note, if you will, for down that big trail at that major fork with the clearing, we find an overlook. Let's take a look over.

'''8:30-8:38''' ''[Chris approaches the overlook and shows a view of plain trees and grass]''

'''8:38-8:47''' Hm. Vast glorious view from here. As was portrayed and enjoyed by the Carter family.

'''8:47-end''' ''[Chris points the camera at himself. He is flushed, pale, and drenched with sweat]''

Signing off now, y'all take care and be s-

==External links==
* [http://www.monticello.org/parkway/ParkwayTrails.pdf Map of the Saunders-Monticello Trail] — what an average human could walk through in fewer than fifteen minutes without breaking a sweat.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[ECV 00001]]|nextlink=[[ECV 00002]]}}

{{Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Outdoor videos]]

Chris and death

2010-10-10T00:52:32Z

Kazmeyer: let's not get stupid here, okay?

[[Image:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|Rest in peace?]]
'''Death''' stalks [[Chris]] at every turn, and as a result he has a hard time understanding and/or coping with death, be it the death of a human or an [[Patti Chandler|animal]], or even a [[Simonla Rosechu|fictional character]].

His poor reactions to death most likely come from Chris's lack of empathy, and his incredibly underdeveloped mind. Kids often don't understand death until they're quite old, around 10-12 years; before that, they usually just think it's "like sleeping forever" or "just leaving." Chris, being a 3-year-old inside, can only resort to these clumsy analogies to sort of understand death; he even has a habit of appealing to dead people to "come back."<ref>[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands Or Buts#A history (6:02 to 9:34)]]: "Patti, I miss you. Come home."</ref><ref>[[:Image:SchuComic9P31.jpg]]: "Dedicated to Mr. Billy Mays II; Please Come Back Soon."</ref>

It could be that the only shows that Chris watched that dealt with death in any way had plot devices to facilitate the return of the departed. Chris, who is unable to connect cause with effect and considers behaviors from fiction to be interchangeable with reality, may simply assume that the dead can come back whenever they want.

Here are the departed souls, in order from earliest to latest:

==Deaths==
===The victims of the ''Titanic'' incident (d.1912)===
In his [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|message to Lars]] in [[September 2010]], Chris belittled the lives of the men and women who died in the sinking of the RMS ''Titanic'' by constructing a boat out of LEGOs with several LEGO men on it, one representing Lars, pretending the ship sinks, then destroying the boat.

===Every single victim of the World Trade Center attacks (d.2001)===
In the [[Twin Falling Towers]] video of the first of [[November 2009]], Chris makes fun of [[Clyde]] and says that he is as weak as the Twin Towers. He then shows the mouse cursor crashing into the buildings, complete with sound effects. This has shocked many, including somebody who lost a loved one in the attacks<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCDjrjr3b7M]</ref> and this could possibly be the lowest that Chris has ever gone.

===[[Patti Chandler]] (1988-2006)===
Patti was Chris's dog, and she died in June 2006. Chris [http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/User:AZT-13/Chris-chan_Emails_Part_IV apparently drew a picture of a crying Sonichu face] on the signature confirming the euthanasia process. As seen in the image used in this article, [[Patti-Chan|Patti also appeared in the comic, immortalized as an anthro]]. This is particularly disturbing in that Chris has apparently decided to deny his dog the afterlife that he presumably believes in, in favor of locking her in his own [[CWCville|personal hell]], in which she will only exist when he can be bothered to draw her. Effectively, he's stolen and erased her soul.

To Chris, her death is the greatest tragedy of his life, which he often compares to the deaths of other people's family members and loved ones. Not surprisingly, every single person he has said this to has become horribly offended, yet he continues to use this example.

Oddly enough, Patti may have been the only being Chris ever cared about. Supporting this is a report that Chris periodically broke down in tears for as many as six months after her death.{{cite}} By comparison, the "death" of any [[Troll|Sweetheart]] will result in a day of mourning if they are lucky.

===RocketFox's Dad (1966-2008)===
RocketFox's Dad used to be an [[alcohol]]ic, but recovered and stayed sober for ten years. However, his liver failed and he passed away in mid-October 2008. When RocketFox asked Chris for advice on how to cope, Chris considered it an "accident" and went on a spiel about how bad alcohol was.<ref>[[IRC (16 October 2008)]]</ref> This is actually the first death during the [[troll]]ing, and it was mentioned to Chris to see how he would react to such news, and as mentioned, Chris did so poorly. [[Ryan]]'s death and Chris's reaction cemented this. About eight months later, Chris [[Chris's Big Night Out|became a huge hypocrite]]...

===[[Sarah Jackson]] (1981-2008)===
A former [[Sweetheart|heartsweet]] of Chris (and Decepticon) who was killed in a <s>car crash</s> carefully executed plan by [[Optimus Prime]]. SPOILERS: A [[troll]]. Sarah Jackson, like Patti, was used in his comic for a while as "Ms. Jackaras" in [[Sonichu 9]]. Unlike Patti, Ms. Jackaras gets the same fate as her non-comic counterpart, and is replaced by her sister, who continues the lesson anyway. None of the Sonichu characters mourn the loss of their professor. Sound like [[Chris|someone]]?

===[[Ryan Cash]] (1996-2008)===
Ryan was [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]]'s brother who was a huge fan of [[Sonichu]]. After the [[Sonichu (comic)|comics]] were delayed over and over, Ryan fell into a depression and committed suicide. [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 28th, 2008|Chris, of course, reacted to this in an inconsiderate manner, telling Clyde and his family to "just move on", and marveling at his power to incite suicide.]]

===[[PandaHalo]]===
Despite her being thousands of kilometers away from the bushfires, Chris assumed PandaHalo was dead. She is actually alive and kicking but Chris still doesn't know this. Two days after her "death," he went to find another [[sweetheart]] to [[Mass debating|mass debate]] to, saying "It's OK though, at least I have a [[Julie|good woman]] who's willing to be by my side at this point."<ref>[[Mumble 7#Summary]]</ref> This flagrant disrespect shouldn't surprise anyone because Chris is a self-centered asshole. This saga ''further'' proved that Chris has no sense of empathy or respect for the dead.

Nine months later, [[Sonichu 9]] featured a special "memorial" to PandaHalo and a sequence in which she dies (off-screen) in a building fire after saving her "Pokemon", [[Chloe Rosechu]] and [[BlazeBob Sonichu]], so they wouldn't "burn with" her. Apparently, Chris didn't feel like he needed to honor the life of his beloved [[sweetheart]] and instead depicted her horrible, fiery death. He also has to mention that she "burned," which shows how he doesn't realize how painful and awful it would be to die in a fire. It's also not a term that anyone would use to describe the death of a loved one, providing more evidence of how little he actually cared about her. Because it took nine months to "honor" her death, he most likely decided he needed more god-awful characters for his shitty comic, was too lazy to create a new recolor and chose to use Chloe and BlazeBob, thus reminding him of PandaHalo, who he had likely forgotten, and made him decide to feature a memorial to her.

More recently, Chris "dedicated" all of [[Sonichu 10]] to PandaHalo's memory. This would be almost touching, if the alleged dedication didn't wholly consist of how awesome Chris was for using Panda's cover artwork. And then there's the issue of Sonichu 10 largely consisting of Chris murdering everybody he dislikes...

===[[Sarah May]]===
After being called "[[Julie]]" multiple times, Sarah May [[Troll|attempted suicide]] over [[Mumble_8|Mumble]]. Immediately after she went offline, rather than express any concern or try to find a way to stop her, Chris told Julie (who was also in the chat), "I still have you," with a completely emotionless "oh well" attitude. Julie was playing along with Chris, and did not react to Sarah's suicide attempt in any human-like fashion either; yet, it did not occur to Chris that Julie's behavior was ''in any way'' unnatural. Chris then made an [[CWC Shout Out to Sarah May|immature shout-out to her on a YouTube video]], with tears faker than all his [[sweetheart]]s combined. His reason for her to hold on? Because he'd be so sad without her. While mentioning the feelings of friends and families despair is typical in suicide prevention, Chris did it in such a selfish way, only thinking of how ''he'd'' feel, not how ''her'' family and friends would feel, that it was just full of [[fail]] and [[Chris and His Ego|narcissism]].

===[[Aunt Corrina]] (1936-2009)===
Chris's aunt Corrina had her funeral on Chris's birthday, which was also Shrove Tuesday, a Christian holiday that involves eating pancakes.<ref>[[wikipedia:Shrove Tuesday|Shrove Tuesday]]</ref> Needless to say, [[White knight#Chris cares only for himself|Chris cared more about the pancakes than the funeral of his own aunt]]. Patti was also obtained from her (see the e-mail link above).

When the "I know how to be sad because my dog died" excuse fails, Chris usually follows up with an offhand mention of his Aunt Corrina. If that fails the deaths of his many sweethearts tends to follow, although any normal human would bring those up first and the dog would be lucky to get a mention at all.

===[[Clyde Cash]] (1976-<s>2009</s>)===
In early 2009, Christian once seemed to be aware that Clyde Cash was supposedly dead, but cast a slight bit of doubt over the idea. Regardless, he [[curse-ye-ha-me-ha|cursed]] Clyde in [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 18th, 2009]], just in case. He's back.

===[[BILLY MAYS]] (1958-2009)===
In the video [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 1st, 2009]], Chris only seems to be upset over people blaming him for Mays's death, and loudly denies that he was ever the mayor of [[CWCville]]. He doesn't even offer his condolences to Mays' family. Down the line, Chris selfishly adopts the idea that Mays was in fact his bodyguard and he died protecting Chris. He goes even further by stating that he was also his identical body double and "without the beard we'd look the same". At least he's admitting that he's overweight.

In [[Sonichu 9]], Chris slaps in a one-page intro with Billy saying that he was never was the mayor, but was part of Chris's group. At the bottom was a message from Chris, asking him to "come back soon". Ninety pages later, we find out that Billy had seemed to die falling down an elevator shaft, attempting to free Ivy from HER gruesome death. The next issue, however, had him appear alive and well, trapped like [[Patti-Chan|Patti Chan]] in his own personal Hell of CWCville.

===[[Ivy]] (1992-2009)===
Former [[troll|sweetheart]] Ivy committed suicide after not being allowed to see Chris. Chris uploaded the [[CWC "Boyfriend"]] video as a memorial. Yes, a poorly sung remake of Avril Lavigne's happy, bouncy pop/punk song, with lyrics changed to be about how much Chris would like women to date him. Unless the original was somehow Ivy's favorite song, this is just short of "Another One Bites the Dust" as one of the worst possible songs one can dedicate to a recently deceased loved one. Chris included pictures of several past sweethearts in the video, making it less of a tribute to Ivy and more of a monument to Chris's [[fail]].

Furthermore, as is unquestionably appropriate, Ivy's tragic demise was incorporated into [[Sonichu 9|Issue 9]] of the comic. Rather than admit to having a hand in her suicide, Chris conjures up a magnificently gruesome accidental death, which involved having gotten her neck broken with elevator wires after falling through the elevator floor. Although this is a particularly troubling manipulation of what really happened, Chris more than makes up for it with gravitas; he gracefully, albeit belatedly, offers a tiny orange box in memory to Ivy 'O'Niel', taking pride of place underneath a backshot of Slaweel and some weird faux-Transformers actions. All of the above shows the leaps and bounds Chris has made in his appropriate handling of tragic deaths.

When confronted about this insanity in the [[Mailbag]], Chris got quite indignant, demanding to know what the questioner thought he should have done, since Ivy had died in real life and could no longer serve as Chris's [[GodJesus|God-given sweetheart]]. Why he felt the need to make her death in the series gruesomely similar to her real-life suicide is a question for the ages. It's not clear whether it had ever crossed Chris's mind to keep this horrific death out of the pages of what is supposedly a comic aimed at children, or to let Ivy's character live on in CWCville like he had done for [[Patti Chan]] and [[BILLY MAYS]].

==="Mary Jo"===
In a [[Mailbag 27#Love and loss| recent mailbag]], Chris was asked by a troubled [[troll|fan]] what he should do after the death of his beloved Mary Jo.

{{quote|Mary Jo is gone (I feel for you), but you should move on and try to find another woman who will treat you about as good, or possibly better than, her. Suck it up, and move on like a Man would. I tell you as a Man who had to do the same thing a few times in the past too.| Chris, being super-sensitive.}}

Chris clearly states how he believes a death should be approached by a man (which includes finding another [[sweetheart|woman]] right away and a specific lack of grieving), and tells the traumatized fan that he should simply move onto a better woman since his girlfriend's death, not only being completely asinine, but also outlining that he believes women to be [[women's rights|replaceable and possibly interchangeable]].
[[Image:RIP mike.JPG|thumb|The obituary that Chris didn't even bother to read.]]

===Mike Jackson (1969-2010)===

Throughout [[January 2010]], a man named Mike Jackson sent Chris a series of friendly letters [[Mailbag 31#If your kids are 16 or 17, you should watch porn with them|asking]] [[Mailbag 35#In which Chris advises a father to buy his son whores|for]] [[Mailbag 39#In which Chris refers to a man buying his underage son a whore as "good news"|advice]], and then [[Mailbag 45#Adventures with whores|begging]] for [[Mailbag 48#This guy's life is in shambles, but Chris was STRESSED!|help]] after Chris's amazingly bad advice completely ruined his life. Chris, caring soul that he is, promised the absolute minimum amount of effort (a [[YouTube]] video) and then never made good on his word.

Distraught over Chris's total lack of action, and terrified at the risk of having his family torn to pieces, Mike [[Mailbag 52#This, if anything, requires a canned response|died from a sleeping pill overdose]]. Mike's grieving widow generously decided to let Chris view the private obituary page set up for friends and family of the deceased, saying that Mike would have wanted her to treat Chris with respect and decency.

Chris responded to the news of Mike's death with the same copy-pasted bullshit he used to pretend he was listening to criticism. The two infamous sentences made no sense in context and demonstrated beyond the shadow of a doubt that Chris could not care less about Mike's tragic death. It was revealed in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]] that Chris didn't even view Mike's obituary page, and his [[Mailbag 56#In which Chris isn't sorry at all|response]] to Mike's grieving son was all of three words long.

The Mike Jackson "mini-saga" might be the most conclusive proof yet that Chris doesn't understand the consequences of his terrible advice, or the gravity of the tragedy he caused.

===Simonla Rosechu===
[[Image:SandyRosechu.jpg|80px|right|thumb|The bastard child in question.]]
During the [[Asperchu]] saga, a recurring theme was [[Evan]]'s legal claims in regard to [[Simonla]] as a derivative of his character, [[Simonchu]]. While early demands were for Chris to edit his old strips to remove Simonla entirely from continuity, later Evan consented to letting Chris keep Simonla's early appearances, on the grounds that he kill her at a later date. Chris, not surprisingly, totally lost his shit, showing a much stronger emotional attachment to an empty, one-dimensional fictional character than he has managed for any living creature other than his [[Patti Chandler|fucking dog]]. Finally, after being faced with severe legal action, Chris finally killed Simonla in [[Sonichu 10]], though not before she laid an egg with her husband Wild (though, of course, their wedding and the act of laying the egg were never shown, or even mentioned), which hatched into [[Sandy Rosechu]].

It should be noted that, as revealed in the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Calls]], Chris considers cartoon characters to be real. Not figuratively, not essentially: ''literally'' real, living creatures that exist in some other world reminiscent of Toon Town from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" Simonla's death was as real to him as that of any of his family members or sweethearts... perhaps even more so.

===Yeardley Love (1987-2010)===
Yeardley Love was a lacrosse player for UVA who was murdered. Chris uploaded a [[05142010|video]] discussing the story (which he probably just saw on TV for a few minutes), but didn't even bother to say her name. He also stated that the murderer should get 20 years in prison for the shock of the murder, which is twice his desired punishment for smoking. Later in the video, [[Chris and His Ego|he rerouted the subject towards himself]] and stated how everyone needed to be sympathetic of him and his autism and that he's [[Chris and anger|not]] [[Chris and race|a]] [[Chris and sex|bad]] [[Chris and rape|man]]. In other words, he used the death of a girl he never knew or really cared about in order to make himself look good.

===[[Bob|Bob Chandler]] and [[Barbara Chandler]]===
[[File:Ctrl-alt-chrischan.jpg|thumb|He remembered his [[PSP]].]]
Coming soon... both are well into their "Silver Years" and suffering from many health issues, compounded by their age. It doesn't help that they're [[Tour of Chris's House|living in a landfill]].

On 01 [[March 2010]], Bob was sent to the hospital with congestive heart failure, owing to his age, [[McDonald's|diet]] and lifestyle. In the Twitter announcing Bob's heart failure, Chris stated that he believed his father would survive and showed more concern for the [[stress]] he was under than his own father's health. On top of that, during the [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|date with Emily]], Bob stated that he already died (probably for a minute or two and then was brought back, or his heart had to be stopped during surgery). Bob has had four prior heart attacks and "Eat at Burger King" is still a part of his daily routine. His inevitable death (and probably one more heart attack) is likely to occur sometime within the next few years.

===Chris himself===
Given Chris's terrible diet, poor [[health]], [[obesity]], lack of exercise and general lack of concern for anything, he is unlikely to live far into his forties. However, he may be genetically disposed to live a long — albeit, [[100 2178|miserable]] — life: [[Bob]] has lived into his eighties despite being a heavy drinker, and other male relatives have lived past 90 (the average American man dies at 75 or 76).

Naturally, the death of Chris himself is the only death that immediately concerns Chris. And unsurprisingly, he is only worried about his death because it would put a stop to the Love Quest once and for all. Chris's fear of death is probably an extension of his fear of [[F Abstinance|reaching old age before getting laid]], as opposed to the fear of death exhibited by normal people. Chris also apparently has a recurring nightmare where he finds himself "going into the light". It is unknown when he began to have this nightmare, but it is likely one of the "bad dreams" Chris claimed that Ivy helped stop. It has probably been going on for years and will most likely continue until the day it comes true.

==See also==
*[[Autism]]
*[[White_knight#Chris_lacks_empathy_himself|Lack of empathy]]
*[[Death threats]]

==References==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Dead]]

Chris and money

2010-10-04T16:19:12Z

Kazmeyer:

{{quote|He's not good at math when it comes to managing money.|[[Bob Chandler]]<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>}}

It's obvious that [[Chris]] himself has no grasp on the real value of '''money''', since he actively wastes as much of his [[monthly tugboat]] as possible on luxuries like [[Eye of Judgement|trading cards]], [[Officer Nasty|sex toys]], [[Duck|porn]], [[PS3|video games]], and, more recently, [[alcohol]]. He also once, when giving out the laws of [[CWCville]], equated 10 years in prison to a $1,500 fine.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> He also equated 50 hours of community service to $500 (for any sexual violations).<ref>[[Mailbag_31#Magi-Chan_knows_when_you_fuck]]</ref>

Chris is a self-admitted impulse buyer. His [[PSN]] account shows that he's never played more than half of the games he's bought. And yet, astoundingly, he's still gone out of his way to buy ''all'' available downloadable content for ''every'' PS3 game that he's ever purchased, and he also further promoted his Sony fanboyism by later buying a Sony LCD HDTV for his bedroom which likely cost at least about $1,000-$1,500. All the while, Chris buys his [[Chris and fashion|clothes]] at second-hand discount thrift stores.

==But wait, Chris isn't employed! ==

Chris's only source of income is the $800 [[monthly tugboat|"tugboat"]] that he receives from the federal government every month, placing his annual income at $9,600 a year. Chris's parents take $450 to pay for room and board.<ref>Miyamoto Saga</ref> In addition, Chris and his family get [[Wikipedia:Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program|SNAP]] money every month- more commonly known as food stamps.

{{quote|My father helped me get my Social Security set up; I get more a month than I could at a job. |Chris, completely deluded and taking pride in being a lazy bastard.}}

[[Bob Chandler|Chris's father]] has been encouraging his son to remain unemployed, since he believes that Chris will earn more money from his monthly tugboat than from getting a job. However, this assumption is inaccurate. To put this in perspective, at the time of writing, minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25, pursuant to federal minimum wage. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180 on his life and begin working a full 40-hour week, his monthly payment before taxes and payment for room and board would be approximately $1,260 USD. This would put Chris's annual income range, before tax, at roughly $15,100. Subtracting what he pays his parents to live in filth monthly, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $9,000 in ''spending'' money, as in, for more sex toys and video games. Contrast this with the $4,200 Chris pulls annually from the government after paying off his parents (roughly equal to what he's spent in total so far on his PS3); it becomes clear that Bob's encouragement comes from either delusion or knowing that his son is a [[fail]]ure.

A very likely explanation for Chris's reckless spending is that his [[barb|coddling]] [[bob|parents]] are at fault (to a degree at least). In addition to coddling him throughout his entire life, Bob took over managing Chris's credit card debt, regularly gives him about "$6 a day for small things", and continues to let him blow his disability check on [[list of Chris's video games|frivolities]] and [[sex toys|useless stuff]], as opposed to essentials like [[Chris and health#Chris and hygiene|hygiene products]]. Whenever Chris manages to [[The GAMe PLACe|get himself into trouble]], he knows that Bob and Barb will come [[Matthew Noble call|running to his aid and defend him]], even if it is clear that his [[target|is in the wrong]]. This enabling is the most likely explanation (in addition to his [[autism|poor impulse control]]) for why Chris spends himself into debt as much as he does.

Chris strongly believes that by receiving and spending his tugboat on useless shit he is aiding the economy and paying for the tugboat of others.<ref>[[Mailbag 34]]</ref> Again, this demonstrates his idiocy since sales tax goes to the state government and these "tugboats" are paid with federal payroll tax. Apparently, this is too complex for Chris's autistic mind. Where Chris is hiding the printing press to afford this discretionary spending is unknown.

Interestingly enough, while he has no clue how to handle money, Chris has an unhealthy [[Ego|fixation]] on his material possessions. In [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], he stated that he did not want to sell any of his stuff, and in the [[Miyamoto Saga]], he refused to sell anything to help raise money for the trip to Redmond.

==Credit cards==
As surprising as it is that Chris has his own credit cards, it is equally unsurprising how unwisely he uses them. As of [[February 2009]], Chris had managed to rack up $2,000 worth of debt (at the time of [[Mumble 4]], $1,000 of that sum came from the PSN store, but his bill for PSN downloads increases by the day) and had even stolen his parents' credit cards to use when his were maxed out. According to an [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails_2|e-mail Chris sent to Vivian Gee]], by [[January 2010]] Chris's debt was around $3,500 and had apparently been higher at some point in the intervening time.

By then, Chris's father had had to step in, forcing him to put the brakes on his spending and pay down his debt according to a regular schedule. Chris, unaware of or uninterested in the fact that unpaid credit-card debt accrues vast amounts of interest when not paid off, had historically made payments in the smallest installments possible.

==In the comic==
In [[Sonichu (comic)|the comic]] it is clear Chris has no idea how money works. [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], [[Patti-Chan]], and most likely, all of the other characters live off welfare, just like Chris IRL. He seems to have no concept of tax, or that it's the American populace who pay for his [[Kimmi|bullshit]]. Sonichu and Rosechu are living in a two story house with an attic offered by the city and they are [[Mailbag 21#Home economics|"paid" in average]] of $3,500 a month just to hang around. And maybe for the occasional [[Sonichu 9|city defense]] or [[A Sonichu Day|errand]].

In [[Sonichu 9|Episode 19]], it's shown that CWCVille actually uses its own currency, in the form of C Quarters and W Quarters. 10 C Quarters make up a W Quarter - don't bother asking how that makes sense in any way, considering [[honor roll|what the word "quarter" means]]. (Our best guess: C Quarters = US$0.25, W Quarters = US$2.50) Nor does it explain why fines are levied in US dollars.

==In other works==
Chris shows us his complete misunderstanding of the stress his ideas would put on the American Social Security system if he was left in charge of it in a text called "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]." This is where the idea of "Soup Hotels" came from.

{{quote|Even the homeless have a place to stay in the ten Soup Kitchens/Hotels. |Chris with a very bad idea [http://leoweekly.com/news/left-wayside that has come to frution in one American city...]}}

Chris depicts "Soup Hotels" in [[Mailbag 20]] as a building ten stories tall with 10 to 20 rooms per floor, equipped with single bathrooms, bed, lighting and Cable TV. Of course, the homeless will stay there for free. So, instead of building homeless shelters with dormitories, common rooms, and shared TV sets, Chris thinks the homeless should be treated to all the comforts of a ''bona fide'' hotel. This means that, in CWCville, there are around 1,000-2,000 homeless people left outside. This might be the result of the local industry, choked by heavy taxes needed to pay those social expenses, being unable to make a profit there and thus moving away.

In [[Sonichu 10]], [[Ultra Sonichu]] and bevy of Rosechus stop at a soup hotel. The building is labeled Soup Hotel 17, implying that CWCville has had to open 7 new homeless shelters in the span of a month, or they're just bad at numbering the things.

In [[Mailbag 29]] he states that $10 an hour is a reasonable price to pay for sex with a prostitute. To show his further ignorance of simple economics, Chris proposed a chain of state-run brothels where this shockingly inexpensive fee would not only pay women for sex, pay the salary of a pimp (which would be a redundant middleman in a state-approved brothel), pay for STD testing for the prostitutes, but would also pay for free Sex Ed classes for virgins. In real life, Chris tried to scam his way out of paying for sex with a Craigslist [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|prostitute]] who was charging $100 per hour by telling her about the trolls, his life story, and his many personal problems. The prostitute hung up on him.

== On TV ==
In [[Mumble 6]], Chris discussed making a TV show called ''The Chandler Show''. One of his demands was the show should not have any commercial breaks, either showing a distinct lack of understanding as to how a TV station makes money, or perhaps he plans to sell the advertising fees to a single company so that they can play a long ad in the beginning of the air time and leave the rest of the show uninterrupted, à-la the season premieres of [[wikipedia:24 (TV Series)|24]]. We cannot know for sure, but he has probably seen at least one show that has done this, and gathered the idea from there.

Chris also seems to not understand that [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|if the health department, of Greene County, sees that TV show, that he put on the damn TV, they could be evicted, and he would have to move out]].

== Best Buy Mastercard ==

In the [[Matthew Noble call]], it was revealed by Bob himself that Chris not only has a Mastercard charge account acquired through Best Buy, but as of the second week of August 2010, Chris had somehow used it to land himself in yet more debt and had been laden with fees for bouncing a card payment. Bob, in the throes of some sort of conspiracy paranoia involving the staff and patrons of [[the GAMe PLACe]], claims that it was most likely [[Michael Snyder]] who had hacked Chris's credit card and checking accounts, though why someone who's been on a manager's salary for several years would bother stealing from Chris is unknown. Also unknown is why ''any'' financial institution would give Chris a line of credit at this point.

Bob continues that the resulting transactions may have ruined Chris' credit rating (though that ship has ''long'' since fucking sailed), and, in a disturbingly Chris-like fashion, seems to use this damning information to try to make Chris' latest brush with the [[Law]] seem "petty" in comparison.

There are three possibilities as to what has actually occurred (from least to most likely):
* Trolls have achieved this new pinnacle of fucking with Chris and didn't bother bragging about it on some forum or another.
* Some regular criminal's credit card fraud scheme has, just by chance, hit Chris.
* Chris blew whatever little credit that Best Buy had foolishly given him, mistakenly attempted to pay off the card with funds from his checking account that weren't there, and is now blaming his crippling debt on [[Trolls]], in another transparent attempt to not have to take responsibility.

==See also==
*[[Monthly tugboat]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

[[Category: Chris-chan]]

Chris and money

2010-10-04T16:18:28Z

Kazmeyer: Bob's taken over managing the credit card debt, but Chris is still paying it

{{quote|He's not good at math when it comes to managing money.|[[Bob Chandler]]<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>}}

It's obvious that [[Chris]] himself has no grasp on the real value of '''money''', since he actively wastes as much of his [[monthly tugboat]] as possible on luxuries like [[Eye of Judgement|trading cards]], [[Officer Nasty|sex toys]], [[Duck|porn]], [[PS3|video games]], and, more recently, [[alcohol]]. He also once, when giving out the laws of [[CWCville]], equated 10 years in prison to a $1,500 fine.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> He also equated 50 hours of community service to $500 (for any sexual violations).<ref>[[Mailbag_31#Magi-Chan_knows_when_you_fuck]]</ref>

Chris is a self-admitted impulse buyer. His [[PSN]] account shows that he's never played more than half of the games he's bought. And yet, astoundingly, he's still gone out of his way to buy ''all'' available downloadable content for ''every'' PS3 game that he's ever purchased, and he also further promoted his Sony fanboyism by later buying a Sony LCD HDTV for his bedroom which likely cost at least about $1,000-$1,500. All the while, Chris buys his [[Chris and fashion|clothes]] at second-hand discount thrift stores.

==But wait, Chris isn't employed! ==

Chris's only source of income is the $800 [[monthly tugboat|"tugboat"]] that he receives from the federal government every month, placing his annual income at $9,600 a year. Chris's parents take $450 to pay for room and board.<ref>Miyamoto Saga</ref> In addition, Chris and his family get [[Wikipedia:Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program|SNAP]] money every month- more commonly known as food stamps.

{{quote|My father helped me get my Social Security set up; I get more a month than I could at a job. |Chris, completely deluded and taking pride in being a lazy bastard.}}

[[Bob Chandler|Chris's father]] has been encouraging his son to remain unemployed, since he believes that Chris will earn more money from his monthly tugboat than from getting a job. However, this assumption is inaccurate. To put this in perspective, at the time of writing, minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25, pursuant to federal minimum wage. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180 on his life and begin working a full 40-hour week, his monthly payment before taxes and payment for room and board would be approximately $1,260 USD. This would put Chris's annual income range, before tax, at roughly $15,100. Subtracting what he pays his parents to live in filth monthly, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $9,000 in ''spending'' money, as in, for more sex toys and video games. Contrast this with the $4,200 Chris pulls annually from the government after paying off his parents (roughly equal to what he's spent in total so far on his PS3); it becomes clear that Bob's encouragement comes from either delusion or knowing that his son is a [[fail]]ure.

A very likely explanation for Chris's reckless spending is that his [[barb|coddling]] [[bob|parents]] are at fault (to a degree at least). In addition to coddling him throughout his entire life, Bob took over managing Chris's credit card debt, regularly gives him about "$6 a day for small things", and continues to let him blow his disability check on [[list of Chris's video games|frivolities]] and [[sex toys|useless stuff]], as opposed to essentials like [[[Chris and health#Chris and hygiene|hygiene products]]. Whenever Chris manages to [[The GAMe PLACe|get himself into trouble]], he knows that Bob and Barb will come [[Matthew Noble call|running to his aid and defend him]], even if it is clear that his [[target|is in the wrong]]. This enabling is the most likely explanation (in addition to his [[autism|poor impulse control]]) for why Chris spends himself into debt as much as he does.

Chris strongly believes that by receiving and spending his tugboat on useless shit he is aiding the economy and paying for the tugboat of others.<ref>[[Mailbag 34]]</ref> Again, this demonstrates his idiocy since sales tax goes to the state government and these "tugboats" are paid with federal payroll tax. Apparently, this is too complex for Chris's autistic mind. Where Chris is hiding the printing press to afford this discretionary spending is unknown.

Interestingly enough, while he has no clue how to handle money, Chris has an unhealthy [[Ego|fixation]] on his material possessions. In [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], he stated that he did not want to sell any of his stuff, and in the [[Miyamoto Saga]], he refused to sell anything to help raise money for the trip to Redmond.

==Credit cards==
As surprising as it is that Chris has his own credit cards, it is equally unsurprising how unwisely he uses them. As of [[February 2009]], Chris had managed to rack up $2,000 worth of debt (at the time of [[Mumble 4]], $1,000 of that sum came from the PSN store, but his bill for PSN downloads increases by the day) and had even stolen his parents' credit cards to use when his were maxed out. According to an [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails_2|e-mail Chris sent to Vivian Gee]], by [[January 2010]] Chris's debt was around $3,500 and had apparently been higher at some point in the intervening time.

By then, Chris's father had had to step in, forcing him to put the brakes on his spending and pay down his debt according to a regular schedule. Chris, unaware of or uninterested in the fact that unpaid credit-card debt accrues vast amounts of interest when not paid off, had historically made payments in the smallest installments possible.

==In the comic==
In [[Sonichu (comic)|the comic]] it is clear Chris has no idea how money works. [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], [[Patti-Chan]], and most likely, all of the other characters live off welfare, just like Chris IRL. He seems to have no concept of tax, or that it's the American populace who pay for his [[Kimmi|bullshit]]. Sonichu and Rosechu are living in a two story house with an attic offered by the city and they are [[Mailbag 21#Home economics|"paid" in average]] of $3,500 a month just to hang around. And maybe for the occasional [[Sonichu 9|city defense]] or [[A Sonichu Day|errand]].

In [[Sonichu 9|Episode 19]], it's shown that CWCVille actually uses its own currency, in the form of C Quarters and W Quarters. 10 C Quarters make up a W Quarter - don't bother asking how that makes sense in any way, considering [[honor roll|what the word "quarter" means]]. (Our best guess: C Quarters = US$0.25, W Quarters = US$2.50) Nor does it explain why fines are levied in US dollars.

==In other works==
Chris shows us his complete misunderstanding of the stress his ideas would put on the American Social Security system if he was left in charge of it in a text called "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]." This is where the idea of "Soup Hotels" came from.

{{quote|Even the homeless have a place to stay in the ten Soup Kitchens/Hotels. |Chris with a very bad idea [http://leoweekly.com/news/left-wayside that has come to frution in one American city...]}}

Chris depicts "Soup Hotels" in [[Mailbag 20]] as a building ten stories tall with 10 to 20 rooms per floor, equipped with single bathrooms, bed, lighting and Cable TV. Of course, the homeless will stay there for free. So, instead of building homeless shelters with dormitories, common rooms, and shared TV sets, Chris thinks the homeless should be treated to all the comforts of a ''bona fide'' hotel. This means that, in CWCville, there are around 1,000-2,000 homeless people left outside. This might be the result of the local industry, choked by heavy taxes needed to pay those social expenses, being unable to make a profit there and thus moving away.

In [[Sonichu 10]], [[Ultra Sonichu]] and bevy of Rosechus stop at a soup hotel. The building is labeled Soup Hotel 17, implying that CWCville has had to open 7 new homeless shelters in the span of a month, or they're just bad at numbering the things.

In [[Mailbag 29]] he states that $10 an hour is a reasonable price to pay for sex with a prostitute. To show his further ignorance of simple economics, Chris proposed a chain of state-run brothels where this shockingly inexpensive fee would not only pay women for sex, pay the salary of a pimp (which would be a redundant middleman in a state-approved brothel), pay for STD testing for the prostitutes, but would also pay for free Sex Ed classes for virgins. In real life, Chris tried to scam his way out of paying for sex with a Craigslist [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|prostitute]] who was charging $100 per hour by telling her about the trolls, his life story, and his many personal problems. The prostitute hung up on him.

== On TV ==
In [[Mumble 6]], Chris discussed making a TV show called ''The Chandler Show''. One of his demands was the show should not have any commercial breaks, either showing a distinct lack of understanding as to how a TV station makes money, or perhaps he plans to sell the advertising fees to a single company so that they can play a long ad in the beginning of the air time and leave the rest of the show uninterrupted, à-la the season premieres of [[wikipedia:24 (TV Series)|24]]. We cannot know for sure, but he has probably seen at least one show that has done this, and gathered the idea from there.

Chris also seems to not understand that [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|if the health department, of Greene County, sees that TV show, that he put on the damn TV, they could be evicted, and he would have to move out]].

== Best Buy Mastercard ==

In the [[Matthew Noble call]], it was revealed by Bob himself that Chris not only has a Mastercard charge account acquired through Best Buy, but as of the second week of August 2010, Chris had somehow used it to land himself in yet more debt and had been laden with fees for bouncing a card payment. Bob, in the throes of some sort of conspiracy paranoia involving the staff and patrons of [[the GAMe PLACe]], claims that it was most likely [[Michael Snyder]] who had hacked Chris's credit card and checking accounts, though why someone who's been on a manager's salary for several years would bother stealing from Chris is unknown. Also unknown is why ''any'' financial institution would give Chris a line of credit at this point.

Bob continues that the resulting transactions may have ruined Chris' credit rating (though that ship has ''long'' since fucking sailed), and, in a disturbingly Chris-like fashion, seems to use this damning information to try to make Chris' latest brush with the [[Law]] seem "petty" in comparison.

There are three possibilities as to what has actually occurred (from least to most likely):
* Trolls have achieved this new pinnacle of fucking with Chris and didn't bother bragging about it on some forum or another.
* Some regular criminal's credit card fraud scheme has, just by chance, hit Chris.
* Chris blew whatever little credit that Best Buy had foolishly given him, mistakenly attempted to pay off the card with funds from his checking account that weren't there, and is now blaming his crippling debt on [[Trolls]], in another transparent attempt to not have to take responsibility.

==See also==
*[[Monthly tugboat]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

[[Category: Chris-chan]]

User talk:Kazmeyer

2010-10-04T13:57:50Z

Kazmeyer:

{{welcome}}
--[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 12:35, 20 January 2010 (UTC)

==My bad man==
For some reason I confused you and officerJulay.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 02:18, 20 February 2010 (UTC)
:No worries, figured that was the case. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 02:19, 20 February 2010 (UTC)

== THE CWCKI FORUM ==

http://cwckiforum.proboards.com
IT'S LIKE PVCC FOR CWCKI PEOPLE!
[[User:DrShoggoth|Dr. Herodotus P. Shoggoth :Doktor of the Forbidden Sciences, Medallion Guardian, Imperial Emu, Emeritus of the Ancient and Justified Order of the Turtle]] 13:48, 17 August 2010 (PDT)

== re: SSI/SSDI ==

Hey, sorry for the confusion on that page. I've been trying to find where Chris or Bob talks about them filing with the work history, can you point me to that? Just curious. And thanks [[Image:Horse3.gif|Horsehorsehorse]] [[User talk:Horsehorsehorse|Talktalktalk]] 04:01, 4 October 2010 (PDT)
:No worries. Unfortunately, I don't have the source; it's just been a long-standing argument by the "sink Chris's tugboat" crowd that there had to be some fraud going on because they used Bob's social security information, which you do when applying for SSDI for a dependent child without a work history. My guess is it's in an IRC or a Mumble somewhere. I don't think we've ever gotten direct confirmation on the SSDI/SSI thing, but given all the apocryphal info, the size of the payment, and the fact that Chris doesn't bitch about having to meet with examiners every couple of months to tabulate his assets I'm pretty sure it's disability.
:It also kind of deflates the "Chris is leeching off the taxpayers" argument, too, because what he's really leeching off of is Bob's contributions. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 06:57, 4 October 2010 (PDT)

Monthly tugboat

2010-10-04T00:03:18Z

Kazmeyer: SSDI, not SSI

{{taxpayermoney}}

{{quote|Yet AGAIN I am waiting for my next tugboat from my Social before I can even pay a Website to Host me and grant me a better .com domain name than [[sonichu.com]]|Chris to [[Miyamoto]], complaining about how long his free money is taking}}

[[Image:Monthly_Tugboat.jpg|thumb|right|What Chris believes a monthly tugboat is. Your tax dollars at work, gentlemen.]]

The '''monthly tugboat''' is [[Chris's]] euphemism for his [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|Social Security Disability Insurance]] check, which is deposited into his bank account via direct deposit [http://ssa.gov/pubs/calendar.htm on or about the 3rd of each month]. Essentially, the United States government has a taxpayer-funded program to financially support disabled individuals whose injuries or ailments affect their ability to earn a living wage. Contrary to popular belief, Chris's check isn't a need-based welfare check, nor is it meant to replace a paycheck for someone who is unable to work. Chris's disability check is meant to supplement the money he would receive at a low-paying job (the best he could hold down) and provide him enough money to live on his own. Chris, of course, chooses not to work and mooches off his parents instead, blowing his tugboat on video games. Unfortunately, this doesn't disqualify him from receiving disability.

Currently, Chris receives [[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg|$809 each month with $565 going to his parents for room, board, and to pay toward his credit card debt.]] The rest of it generally goes towards [[List of Chris's video games|video games]] or [[sex toys|straight up his ass]]. However, $244 per month (about $8 per day) is nowhere near enough to satisfy Chris's need for games, porn, [[PlayStation Network]] downloads, a constant supply of Chicken McNuggets, gallons of [[Coke]], and, since the summer of 2009, [[alcohol]]. As of [[January 2010]], he owed roughly $3,500 in credit-card debt, some on cards of his own and some on cards he stole from his parents. Indeed, according to one of his [[:File:StatementforViv01,2010.jpg|bank]] [[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg|statements]], at the end of one month he had less than three dollars left in his account. Even more, just by straight spending and no other extra income, he put himself $452.57 USD ''in the red''.

Challenged by a correspondent in the [[Mailbag 34|Mailbag]], Chris claimed that he is not wasting his taxpayer-funded "tugboat", because he is putting that money back into the economy and indirectly paying the tugboats of others. According to Chris's [[Chris and reality|logic]], by purchasing useless commercial goods, he is paying sales tax which the government puts directly back into the hands of the needy. This is a tremendous leap of faulty rationalization, even for Chris, and he fails to elaborate on his shaky economic theories in any detail. If you thought he didn't understand money before, [[Chris and Money|you ain't seen nothing yet]].

[[Image:Autism-costs.jpg|thumb|left|[http://www.autisticchild.org/autism-statistics This is true]]]

On the advice of his [[Bob Chandler|father]], Chris doesn't get a job, supposedly because the tugboat gives him more money overall. However, Bob is totally wrong. At the time of this writing, minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25, pursuant to federal minimum wage. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180° on his life, get off disability, and begin working a full 40-hour week, his monthly income before taxes and his rent payment would be approximately $1,260 USD. This would put Chris's annual income range, before tax, at roughly $15,100. Subtracting what he pays his parents to live in filth each month, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $9,000 in ''spending'' money, enough for many more sex toys and video games. Contrast this with the $4,200 Chris pulls in annually from the government after paying off his parents (roughly equal to what he's spent in total so far on his PS3).

Even if this weren't enough, the most cursory research reveals that an [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|SSDI]] beneficiary could have earned from $700 dollars a month in the year 2000, when Chris was 18, to $1,000 dollars a month in 2010 without losing a cent of their SSDI payments.<ref>http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/COLA/sga.html</ref> It's clear that Bob's decision to encourage Chris's unemployment comes from negligence, ignorance, blind delusion, or the knowledge that his son is a total [[fail]]ure who can bring nothing but shame on himself and his family. His enabling has caused Chris to miss out on over $100,000 in potential earnings through the end of 2010, which could buy a lot of [[Muscle bra|bras]], [[Sex toys|fake china]], [[Flipnote Hatena|children's toys]], and [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|Lego-covered PS3 accessories]].

If Bob's motivation comes from the reasonable assumption that Chris could never survive in an real-world workplace environment, of course, one wonders why [[Fridays After Five|he keeps unleashing him to run amok on an unsuspecting public]].

In the [[Father Call|father call]], Chris claims that his disability check is "a stepping-stone in the right direction of [him] moving out". Given Chris's tendency to waste his free money on frivolous shit rather than put it towards anything that might improve his life, he was probably just telling Kacey's father what he thought he wanted to hear.

Rough calculations and estimations say that if Chris lives into his eighties, given reasonable "cost of living" increases to his tugboat annually, he will receive roughly $900,000 to $1,000,000 over his lifetime. In this day and age, that's chump change and he'd amass a larger fortune if he simply got off his ass and got a career; of course, it's [[Chris and Health|extremely unlikely]] that his fat ass will live anywhere near that long.

==References by Chris==
*The earliest known use of the term "monthly tugboat" was in March 2007 in Chris's first e-mail to his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]]. When introducing himself, Chris says, "I'm getting by livin' with my folks and a monthly tugboat." He does not actually explain what a "monthly tugboat" is supposed to be.
*An [[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Adam_Stackhouse_wins.2C_Chris_is_a_horrible_cheater_and_likes_Megan_.22so_much.22|e-mail to Megan]] from August 2007 recounts Chris's purchase of [[Guitar Hero]] with his latest tugboat check.
*During the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris claimed he was waiting for his tugboat (in an e-mail to "Miyamoto" himself, no less) to fix technical problems with his website.
*In [[Mumble 1]], Chris mentions that he'll have to wait for his next tugboat to buy some new content for ''Ape Escape'' on the PSP.
*In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 4]], Chris tells [[Julie]] that he can't make it to Ohio until his next tugboat comes in.
*Since late 2009, Chris seems to have mostly given up the term "tugboat," possibly because of its extensive adoption by trolls in the Mumble chats, the [[Mailbag]], and elsewhere. In the [[Father Call]] he refers to it as his "monthly income," while in the [[Jackie e-mails]] he simply says he's on Social Security, although he did refer to it once as a "tugboat" in [[Mailbag 34]].

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Autism]]
* [[Chris and money]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Talk:Monthly tugboat

2010-10-03T23:59:55Z

Kazmeyer: /* Just to clarify */

==To do==
*Chris's references to his monthly tugboat (see Smithey e-mails and Miyamoto e-mails).

----

Random Thought: Since Chris gets paid from welfare out of our pockets, are we not paying for him entertaining us? It seems like a fair exchange for me. If anything, Chris should be thanking us (and everyone else who is an USAfag and pays taxes) for keeping him and his creepy obsessions alive. Since I have to pay for him, I want to get every cent worth from this lolcow. --[[User:Wild Sonichu|Wild Sonichu]] 04:33, 12 May 2009 (CEST)

==Disambiguation==
'Monthly Tugboat' shoud just contain the definition and the times he's used the word, we shoud create another page titled 'Chris and Money' --[[User:Robotnik|Robotnik]] 01:38, 20 May 2009 (CEST)

I liek both the above ideas. --[[User:Jump|Jump]] 17:22, 30 May 2009 (CEST)

==$800,$750?==

I've noticed that some pages say that his tugboat is $750 and others saying that it's $800. Does anyone have evidence to show which value it is?([[User:Drlugae|Drlugae]] 19:25, 21 July 2009 (CEST))
*The thing is, Chris has said about three different values. I believe he's said "$800" so let's try and find a citation for that. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:48, 21 July 2009 (CEST)
*The tugboat rises in value each year so long as cost of living increases, so it's definitely over $800. $750 might be an old number from a few years back. [[User:Elephant|Elephant]] 17:06, 4 April 2010 (UTC)

==State or federal?==
Is the welfare program chris leeches off of paid for by all taxpayers or just the ones in virginia? [[User:V3N0M1300|V3N0M1300]] 21:18, 28 September 2009 (CEST)
*It's social security. So it's federal. And it is somehow arranged through Bob's SSN. Details as to how this works exactly are fuzzy. But it isn't typical state welfare. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 22:01, 28 September 2009 (CEST)
:*It needs to be reiterated that this is not a welfare check but a disability check. It is a form of government welfare, but it is not welfare in a "you don't need to work" sort of way but that he has managed to establish he has a disability (namely autism) that prevents him from maintaining or keeping work. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:29, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

== On Advice of Bob? ==

Is there a source of where this came from? If it came from Chris I feel it may be a point to make that this may be Chris' point of view on the matter and may not reflect the truth. --[[User:El Presidente|El Presidente]] 12:14, 3 November 2009 (CET)

== This is bullshit ==

NOT. A. FORUM. --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 11:14, 4 September 2010 (PDT)
: Sorry for asking here, but since the PVCC is private, where can we go to talk about the BS about Chris spending our money on his stuff at? -- [[User:Ashki|Ashki]]
:: There may still be a /cwc/ board on 789chan. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 02:22, 23 September 2010 (PDT)

== Can someone explain this to me in Chris's terms? ==

"Even if this weren't enough, the most cursory research reveals that an SSDI recipient could have earned from $700 dollars a month in the year 2000, when Chris was 18, to $1000 dollars a month in 2010 without losing a cent of their SSDI income."

I'm not entirely sure how this works. Exactly, what did Bob do to screw Chris over? --[[User:AntonImaus|AntonImaus]] 00:18, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
: Whether Bob "screwed Chris over" is kind of a matter of perspective, but it works like this. If an SSDI beneficiary works a real job and makes enough money, they will receive reduced benefits according to how much actual income they earn. However, there's a threshold that has to be reached before that reduction starts happening, which is what that quote describes. Chris could get a job and earn as much as a grand a month before the government started docking his monthly SSDI check (and he'd have to earn a lot more than that before they stopped giving him any SSDI money at all). So the argument would be that Bob has misled Chris to his detriment by convincing him that if he works, he won't make as much money as he brings in just by waiting for his SSDI checks. The counter-argument would be that Bob still has two brain cells to rub together and knows that sending Chris into the workforce would just mean eventually having to deal with another court date. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 02:40, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
::Alright, I should know how this works but it seems more clear now. Thanks. --[[User:AntonImaus|AntonImaus]] 19:06, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

:::Chris gets around $9000/year from the gov't. Half of that goes towards "room & board" or something which like money the gov't would give to a mental institution or your caretakers. The rest is to pay for your living expenses including entertainment -- the gov't doesn't give a shit if you go see a movie or two on their dime. In theory they want you to be able to earn money on SSI, but if Chris did find and keep a job, even if it's washing dishes at Denny's, that could prove that his autism doesn't disable him hard enough to get free money. If he can work at a job then he's not disabled, and the tugboat goes away probably forever. Most of the money Chris has under his control gets spent on entertainment, because his parents still buy most or all of his food and gas. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 02:31, 23 September 2010 (PDT)
::::Chris getting a job wouldn't end the tugboat; it's meant to supplement a low-paying job (as that's all Chris will ever be able to hold down) and provide a living wage. The disability payment is based on his autism, not on some judgment of how much he can or can't work. As noted above, his payments would only start to decrease once he started making over $12k a year. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 06:06, 23 September 2010 (PDT)
:::::SSI is only paid if your mental illness is so bad that you can't keep a job. It's fairly easy to lose SSI. This is like when people get disability insurance payments for a back injury and are caught lifting heavy shit. $12k a year is $8/hr for 30/hrs a week, btw. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 12:25, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
::::::Specifically, you get SSDI if you can't do "substantial work," whatever that means. I'm not sure it means just the same thing as the $x/month. --[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 18:48, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
:::::::There's a substantial difference between SSI (payments only to the disabled, end if you can work) and SSDI (payments to the disabled to supplement work income). Chris gets SSDI, he does not get SSI. (SSDI requires Social Security work credits, which is why Bob's work history was involved; SSI is paid out of the general revenues and would actually validate the Chris-on-welfare meme trolls like to get mad about.) [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 19:58, 24 September 2010 (PDT)

:I'm the one who wrote that. I know because I'm basically Chris. As SSDI was explained to me by a Social Security worker when I applied for it, you can make only up to a certain amount of money a month, after which you lose 100% of your benefits either immediately or after some sort of review process. This action is binary; there is no gradient similar to the $1 you lose for every $2 you make while getting SS retirement benefits. That amount changes yearly according to a certain, proscribed plan, I'm sure to adjust for inflation and shit. In 2010, the amount is $1000, i.e. person on SSDI—i.e. Chris—could contribute to society an amount of work a month worth $1000 without being penalized in the slightest, but Chris's dad, being an ignorant, self-important hick who holds some idiotic, arbitrary, long-dated sense of "honor" or God-knows what above any natural sense of decency, i.e. a Southerner, apparently convinced Chris not to bother. --[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 18:43, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
::I think, as has been speculated, Bob discouraged Chris from working in order to keep him out of trouble. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 19:58, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
:::That's obviously a possibility as Chris would IMMEDIATELY FUCK UP EVERYTHING if he got a job, but the article says that "[o]n the advice of his father, Chris doesn't get a job, supposedly because the tugboat gives him more money overall," which is just flat-out stupid advice. I read somewhere that people don't always say exactly what they believe, though. --[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 21:25, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
::::Aye. I think "You can't get a job because you'll lose your disability" was just easier for Bob to use to convince him than "You can't get a job because you're a fuckup of cosmic proportions." [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 04:59, 3 October 2010 (PDT)

== Just to clarify ==

Since I edited the acronyms on this page -- when you're talking about the income that Chris receives from the gov't, that's '''Supplemental Security Income (SSI)''', the $800 or so he receives monthly. '''Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI)''' is something different; in Chris's case, that's Medicare (the federally funded healthcare system in the U.S., for overseas CWCikipedians). Since he is permanently disabled (his autism won't be "cured" by GodJesus or any of Chris's forgiveness blessings), he will ALWAYS receive Medicare, which pays for 80% of most healthcare excluding dental, vision, etc, but, as noted, his SSI is contingent on his total income & the poverty level in Virginia. I think he technically receives more than $800/month, but the money that's not deposited into his bank goes straight toward paying his Medicare premium. Obviously it's different for every case. Anyway, there are several other Social Security type benefits like Veterans, Survivors, Death, etc, but it always causes confusion because the acronyms are all fucked -- the Nixon administration or whoever didn't think their cunning plan through. [[Image:Horse3.gif|Horsehorsehorse]] [[User talk:Horsehorsehorse|Talktalktalk]] 16:00, 3 October 2010 (PDT)
:Thanks for clearing that shit up, I can see I was confused on a number of points. Well done. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 16:33, 3 October 2010 (PDT)
::Actually, no, Chris's check is SSDI because they had to use Bob's work record to file for it. That wouldn't have been necessary if it was SSI. Chris would also be subject to extremely stringent asset rules if he was receiving SSI. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 16:59, 3 October 2010 (PDT)

Talk:Monthly tugboat

2010-10-03T11:59:23Z

Kazmeyer: /* Can someone explain this to me in Chris's terms? */

Monthly tugboat

2010-10-03T11:54:37Z

Kazmeyer: an attempt to clarify what Chris's money is for, to perhaps forestall the dozen or so "let's get Chris kicked off welfare" attempts every month

{{taxpayermoney}}

{{quote|Yet AGAIN I am waiting for my next tugboat from my Social before I can even pay a Website to Host me and grant me a better .com domain name than [[sonichu.com]]|Chris to [[Miyamoto]], complaining about how long his free money is taking}}

[[Image:Monthly_Tugboat.jpg|thumb|right|What Chris believes a monthly tugboat is. Your tax dollars at work, gentlemen.]]

The '''monthly tugboat''' is [[Chris]]'s euphemism for his [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|Social Security Disability Insurance]] check. Essentially, the United States government has a taxpayer-funded program to financially support disabled individuals whose injuries or ailments affect their ability to earn a wage. Contrary to popular belief, Chris's check isn't a need-based welfare check, nor is it meant to replace a paycheck for someone who is unable to work. Chris's disability check is meant to supplement the money he would receive at a low-paying job (the best he could hold down) and provide him enough money to live on his own. Chris, of course, chooses not to work and mooches off his parents instead, blowing his tugboat on video games. Unfortunately, this doesn't disqualify him from receiving disability.

Chris receives [[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg|$809 each month, with $565 going to his parents for room, board, and to pay toward his credit card debt.]] The rest of it generally goes towards [[List of Chris's video games|video games]] or [[sex toys|straight up his ass]]. However, $244 per month (about $8 per day) is nowhere near enough to satisfy Chris's need for games, porn, [[PlayStation Network]] downloads, a constant supply of Chicken McNuggets, gallons of [[Coke]], and, since the summer of 2009, [[alcohol]]. As of [[January 2010]], he owed roughly $3,500 in credit-card debt, some on cards of his own and some on cards he stole from his parents. Indeed, according to one of his [[:File:StatementforViv01,2010.jpg|bank]] [[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg|statements]], at the end of one month he had less than three dollars left in his account. Even more, just by straight spending and no other extra income, he put himself $452.57 USD ''in the red''.

Challenged by a correspondent in the [[Mailbag 34|Mailbag]], Chris claimed that he is not wasting his taxpayer-funded "tugboat", because he is putting that money back into the economy and indirectly paying the tugboats of others. According to Chris's [[Chris and reality|logic]], by purchasing useless commercial goods, he is paying sales tax which the government puts directly back into the hands of the needy. This is a tremendous leap of faulty rationalization, even for Chris, and he fails to elaborate on his shaky economic theories in any detail. If you thought he didn't understand money before, [[Chris and Money|you ain't seen nothing yet]].

[[Image:Autism-costs.jpg|thumb|left|[http://www.autisticchild.org/autism-statistics This is true]]]

On the advice of his [[Bob Chandler|father]], Chris doesn't get a job, supposedly because the tugboat gives him more money overall. However, Bob is totally wrong. At the time of this writing, minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25, pursuant to federal minimum wage. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180° on his life, get off disability, and begin working a full 40-hour week, his monthly income before taxes and his rent payment would be approximately $1,260 USD. This would put Chris's annual income range, before tax, at roughly $15,100. Subtracting what he pays his parents to live in filth monthly, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $9,000 in ''spending'' money, enough for many more sex toys and video games. Contrast this with the $4,200 Chris pulls annually from the government after paying off his parents (roughly equal to what he's spent in total so far on his PS3).

Even if this weren't enough, the most cursory research reveals that an SSDI recipient could have earned from $700 dollars a month in the year 2000, when Chris was 18, to $1,000 dollars a month in 2010 without losing a cent of their SSDI income.<ref>http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/COLA/sga.html</ref> It's clear that Bob's decision to encourage Chris's unemployment comes from negligent ignorance, blind delusion, or the knowledge that his son is a total [[fail]]ure who can bring nothing but shame on himself and his family. He's caused Chris to miss out on over $100,000 in potential earnings through the end of 2010, which could buy a lot of [[Muscle bra|bras]], [[Sex toys|fake pussies]], [[Flipnote Hatena|children's toys]], and [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|Lego-covered PS3 accessories]].

If Bob's motivation comes from the reasonable realization that Chris could never survive in an real-world workplace environment, of course, one wonders why [[Fridays After Five|he keeps unleashing him to run amok on an unsuspecting public]].

In the [[Father Call|father call]], Chris claims that his disability check is "a stepping-stone in the right direction of [him] moving out". Clearly, Chris doesn't believe wasting his disability check on video games and porn will somehow aid in his moving out. He is well aware that he will inherit his family's home and that he will never need to work, and he plans to do both. In other words, Chris plans to keep getting his tugboat for the rest of his life.

Rough calculations and estimations say that if Chris lives into his eighties, given reasonable "cost of living" increases to his tugboat annually, he will receive roughly $900,000 to $1,000,000 over his lifetime (In this day and age however, that's chump change and he'd amass a larger fortune if he simply got off his ass and got a career). However, it's [[Chris and Health|extremely unlikely]] that his fat ass will live anywhere near that long.

==References by Chris==
*The earliest known use of the term "monthly tugboat" comes in Chris's first e-mail to his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]], from March 2007. When introducing himself, Chris says, "I'm getting by livin' with my folks and a monthly tugboat." He does not actually explain what a "monthly tugboat" is supposed to be.
*An [[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Adam_Stackhouse_wins.2C_Chris_is_a_horrible_cheater_and_likes_Megan_.22so_much.22|e-mail to Megan]] from August 2007 recounts Chris's purchase of [[Guitar Hero]] with his latest tugboat check.
*During the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris claimed he was waiting for his tugboat (in an e-mail to "Miyamoto" himself, no less) to fix technical problems with his website.
*In [[Mumble 1]], Chris mentions that he'll have to wait for his next tugboat to buy some new content for ''Ape Escape'' on the PSP.
*In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 4]], Chris tells [[Julie]] that he can't make it to Ohio until his next tugboat comes in.
*The later months of 2009 and afterwards have seen Chris largely give up using the term "tugboat," possibly because of its extensive adoption by trolls in the Mumble chats, the [[Mailbag]], and elsewhere. In the [[Father Call]] he refers to it as his "monthly income," while in the [[Jackie e-mails]] he simply says he's on Social Security, although he did refer to it once as a "tugboat" in [[Mailbag 34]].

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Autism]]
* [[Chris and money]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

New Address

2010-09-28T09:23:39Z

Kazmeyer: Undo revision 116494 by Notallmuslimshate (talk)

'''New Address''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 27 [[September 2010]]. In it, Chris addresses [[Lars]] to tell him that he has lost [[Jackie]], who has recently become Chris's [[Sweetheart|girlfriend]]. He then proceeds to boast about how he will satisfy Jackie's every desire, in an effort to make Lars jealous. The video concludes with Chris warning Lars that if he tries to mess with Jackie, [[Death threats|he will have to deal with Chris]].

This is the third video in as many days where Chris has worn the same shirt, [[Chris and hypocrisy|despite his previous video being sponsored by a brand of soap]]. The video is also a fine example of Chris's "smug voice", in which Chris attempts to lower his voice, stretching out certain vowels in the process.

Chris is definitely [[naive|acting like a little kid]] here, boasting that [[Kacey|he's stolen away someone else's girlfriend]] as if he's proud of it. If Chris keeps this up, he will almost certainly find himself in a (potentially IRL) game of [[Kick the Autistic]].

{{clear}}
==Description==
{{quotebox|Dude, I will throw you and knock you out as swiftly and easily as I threw that JetSki. Yeah!!!}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = New Address
| video = {{#ev:youtube|9_BK1fr7BmU}}
| stardate = 27 [[September 2010]]
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| style = {{Smug|text}}
| shirt = {{BrickFestShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Anti Troll Movement Video1]]
| next = Current
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
}}

===Transcript===

Hello, Lars. I got your email, and I gotta tell you, you're a dang loser for hiding behind a picture of a [[Niggo|black man]]. A dang photograph. Anyway, [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|it's over! It's over!]] [[Megan#Epilogue|You've lost!]] You're history! You're kaput! You could've-you had your chance with [[Jackie]] but you gonna- YOU LOST, BUDDY, YOU LOST! You just kept concentrating on [[ModNation Racers|your daaaayng boats]] all day and all night, ignoring '''HER''' needs, and her desires.

''(Chris licks his lips)'' Now she's with a real man. [[Chris and sex|I will satisfy her needs, and her desires]]. And if you ever wanna be happy with yourself, you [[Chris and hypocrisy|GROW UP]]! You grow up! And you stop [[Chris and his Ego|thinkin' about yourself]], YEEEEAAAAH! ''(Raises his arms in the air)'' You grow up, stop thinkin about yourself, YEAAH! ''(Throws the miniature toy boat he's holding. It hits the ceiling and lands on the floor behind him. Chris flinches and ducks to avoid his own projectile)''

You mess with me and her, you're gonna deal with me definitely. Down to the last sweat, or breath.

{{clear}}

==See also==
*[[Jackie]]
*[[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|Lars' Ship has Sunk]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Anti Troll Movement Video1]]|nextlink=Current}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

PS3

2010-09-28T09:23:02Z

Kazmeyer: Undo revision 116493 by Notallmuslimshate (talk)

{{taxpayermoney}}

[[Image:Sony playstation 3.jpg|thumb|A life upgrade.]]

[[Sony]] '''PlayStation 3''' (purchased 17 March [[2007]]<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref> - [[The MovingFoward videos|28 August 2010]]) was [[Chris]]'s orginal "life upgrade." He wanted to win one in a contest, so he made [[Pixelated PS3|a video]] where he built one out of [[Pixelblocks]]. He would "throw out the cure for [[autism]]" for one.<ref>[[Pixelated PS3]]</ref> Chris eventually went ahead and bought one with taxpayer money from his [[monthly tugboat]], using one of his many collected credit cards. In [[August 2010]], following [[PS3#Molestations_and_other_PS3_damage|repeated PS3 abuse]], he [[PS3#Good_night.2C_sweet_prince|destroyed]] his life upgrade.

Chris's replacement '''PS3''' is his second life upgrade. Despite ceremoniously "[[The_MovingFoward_videos|MovingFoward]]" only a few days before, Chris could not live without his life upgrade, and so reportedly wasted yet more of [[America]]ns' tax dollars replacing it. He was earning new trophies with it by the second week of September 2010. May the frivolous [[PSN]] spending and hacking drama continue.

==PlayStation Network==

[[Image:Etc playstation.PNG|thumb|Confirmation emails, a testament to Chris's financial responsibility.]]

[[Chris]], being as irresponsible with [[Chris and money|money]] as he is, went into overdrive with this feature of the PS3's [[online]] capabilities. Chris has spent so much on the PSN it has contributed most of his credit card debt (roughly $3,500 as of early 2010).

You might ask yourself how he could spend that much and what he could spend it on. Chris seemingly buys everything possible, from game content to movies to several episodes of terrible harem [[anime]]. A list of Chris's PSN purchases reveals that he has even bought upgrades to games he doesn't even own.

Chris has spent at least '''$3405.22''' in American [[Monthly tugboat|taxpayer dollars]].

=== Spending history ===

The following table chronicles Chris's deposits into his PlayStation Network "wallet" between April 2007 and February 2010, the period for which detailed records of his transactions are available (thanks to the work of expert hackers).

Some interesting patterns can be spotted in his spending habits. He was relatively thrifty for most of 2007 and into early 2008, when he still had a few other outlets for entertaining himself outside his home. There's a sharp spike around the time of his first ban from [[The GAMe PLACe]], though (and he might also have been binging to get over his "breakup" with Megan Schroeder, which happened that same spring). Likewise, it's perhaps not a coincidence that after Chris was permanently booted from the PLACe in the summer of 2008, he began spending a good deal more money on the PSN.

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
! '''Month
! '''Amount
|-
| February 2010
| '''$130.00
| July 2009
| '''$80.00
| December 2008
| '''$150.00
| May 2008
| '''$90.00
| October 2007
| '''$55.00
|-
| January 2010
| '''$90.00
| June 2009
| '''$170.00
| November 2008
| '''$110.00
| April 2008
| '''$16.02
| September 2007
| '''$35.00
|-
| December 2009
| '''$234.29
| May 2009
| '''$135.00
| October 2008
| '''$90.07
| March 2008
| '''$20.00
| August 2007
| '''$65.00
|-
| November 2009
| '''$215.00
| April 2009
| '''$225.00
| September 2008
| '''$90.00
| February 2008
| '''$20.00
| July 2007
| '''$25.00
|-
| October 2009
| '''$268.41
| March 2009
| '''$210.00
| August 2008
| '''$85.00
| January 2008
| '''$75.00
| June 2007
| '''$10.00
|-
| September 2009
| '''$132.36
| February 2009
| '''$125.00
| July 2008
| '''$120.00
| December 2007
| '''$25.00
| May 2007
| '''$35.00
|-
| August 2009
| '''$50.00
| January 2009
| '''$90.00
| June 2008
| '''$30.00
| November 2007
| '''$30.00
| April 2007
| '''$25.00
|}

=== Trophies ===

According to the [http://profiles.us.playstation.com/playstation/psn/profiles/Sonichu PSN profile for Sonichu], as of 24 September 2010, Chris has 1177 trophies. ''Note: Availability of Sonichu's trophy information is dependent on the proper functioning of the PlayStation Network. Information is not updated in real time.''

The games where he had over 50% progress so far include:

{| class="wikitable sortable"
|-
!align="left"|Game
!align="left"|Trophies
!align="left"|Progress
!align="left"|Comments
|-
| ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''
| 70
| 100%
| And he still can't coordinate his jumps, or design a good level.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:InFamous|inFamous]]''
| 50
| 100%
| A man dressed in yellow that shoots electricity? [[Sonichu|Hmmmmm...]]
|-
|''[[God of War]] III''
|36
|100%
|All that blood and gore couldn't stop Chris from grabbing all the trophies and deity boobies.
|-
|''God of War II''
|35
|100%
| From the God of War Collection.
|-
| ''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]]'s Ultimate Genesis Collection''
| 35
| 100%
| Another case of redundancy for most of the included games, especially the Sonic ones.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Linger In Shadows|Linger In Shadows]]''
| 16
| 100%
| Apparently, a demoscene production. ''Not'' remarkable. Most people already had 1000 gamerscore in ''[[wikipedia:Second Reality|Second Reality]]''. In 1993.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Flower_(video_game)|Flower]]''
| 14
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sam_%26_Max:_The_Devil%27s_Playhouse|Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse]] - Episode 1: The Penal Zone''
| 13
| 100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Wheel_of_Fortune_(video_game)|Wheel of Fortune]]''
| 13
| 100%
| Truly, the apex of hi-def gaming.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Gunstar_Heroes|Gunstar Heroes]]''
| 12
| 100%
| Chris may have got 100% in Gunstar Heroes, but IRL he's a total zero.
|-
|''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 2: The Tomb of Sammun Mak
|12
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Buzz!|Buzz!]] Junior: Monsters''
| 11
| 100%
| "Junior" says it all.
|-
| ''Buzz! Junior: RoboJam''
| 11
| 100%
|
|-
|''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 4: Beyond the Alley of the Dolls
|11
|100%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:.detuned|.detuned]]''
| 10
| 100%
| Another demoscene production. Again, we'd allege that Chris wouldn't get too far in Farbrausch's more famous interactive entertainment prod ''.kkrieger'' - not to even mention the largely .famous ''.the .product'', dammit!
|-
| ''Sam and Max: The Devil's Playhouse - Episode 3: They Stole Max's Brain
| 10
| 100%
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Mainichi Issho|Mainichi Issho]]''
| 7
| 100%
| A Japan-only release. Apparently just like ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', only more boring and even bigger of a grindfest.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Frogger_Returns|Frogger Returns]]''
| 4
| 100%
| ''One hundred percen—!'' ...Oh, it's four trophies for four levels.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Burnout_Paradise|Burnout Paradise]]''
| 93
| 91%
| It has cars. They can be driven. Chris thinks this game is up there among greatest games ever made, with likes of ''The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time''.<ref>[[Brutal Legend Plus]]</ref>
|-
| ''[[ModNation Racers]]''
|46
|91%
|A driving game that chris is terrible at. The levels that Chris have made so far are simply bad. In 500 online races Chris has only won 100; that shows Chris's skills.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Braid_(video_game)|Braid]]''
| 11
| 89%
| A game about a man who alters [[Time Void|time]] to rescue his [[sweetheart]]. Note that the end of the game reveals the main character to be [[Christian Weston Chandler|a stalker]]. It is, however, worth noting that Braid is a puzzle game, and not a simple one to play either, yet he still fully completed the game. This is perhaps the most definite proof that Chris isn't mentally retarded (or, at least, he knows how to use GameFAQs).
|-
|''God of War''
|33
|82%
| Most of the trophies are simply earned by progressing through the game normally. The trophies he lacks are the ones that require you to complete actual challenges or completing the game in under 5 hours.
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Heavy_rain|Heavy Rain]]''
| 53
| 80%
|
|-
| ''The Price Is Right''
|11
|76%
| Another real [[sonichu|masterpiece]] of hi-def gaming
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Sonic_unleashed|Sonic Unleashed]]''
| 37
| 75%
| Due to the trophy data not visible to the public and people reporting hearsay as fact, a lot of people were under assumption that Chris had 100% of the trophies in ''Sonic 2006'' (which doesn't even have trophies). Now, we're equally perplexed by the fact that Chris has ''only'' 75% of trophies in a bona-fide 3D Sonic title.
|-
| ''[[Brutal Legend Plus|Brütal Legend]]''
| 46
| 74%
| \m/ [[Britney Spears]]! \m/
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Penny_Arcade_Adventures|Penny Arcade Adventures]]: OtRSPoD, Episode One''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''Penny Arcade Adventures: OtRSPoD, Episode Two''
| 11
| 71%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Noby_Noby_Boy|Noby Noby Boy]]''
| 9
| 71%
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Numblast|NUMBLAST]]''
|10
|71%
|NUMBLAST is a [[homos|colorful]] Japanese puzzle game
|-
| ''Buzz!: Quiz TV''
| 16
| 61%
| The first of the ''Buzz!'' games to appear on PS3. See also Chris's [[Quizzes]] for his MyBUZZ! stuff.
|-
| ''[[Emily_Date_Conversation_Transcript#Meet_the_Pickle_.2801:21:44_-_01:25:29.29|Watchmen]]''
| 8
| 57%
|
|-
| ''[[wikipedia:Uno_(video_game)|UNO]]''
| 10
| 52%
| Seriously?
|}

Comparing to the [[List of Chris's games|list of games he owns]], there was a bunch of them that he hadn't even booted up a single time. There are some games he had touched maybe once and then left to the wayside; for example, all of his ''BioShock'' trophies are from the beginning of the game, and he received all of them on October 23, 2008, over a couple of hours. (The logical conclusion is that the second level of ''BioShock'' will ''blow your mind.'') In public, he also prominently featured games he never really played; the [[PS3 History Level]] shows many games that he touched only a few times (''Mirror's Edge'' and ''BioShock'', for example, currently sit at 11% and 9% respectively), and in [[PS3 Tutorial for my fans|the PS3 tutorial]], Chris says he thinks ''PAIN'' is a "fun" game, yet he let it sit at 0%.

=== Hacking ===

As a result of his online notoriety, his poor choice of passwords, and his innate gullibility, Chris’s PlayStation Network account was hacked or otherwise wrested from his control on multiple occasions. [[BlueSpike]], in his guise as Chris’s sweetheart [[Julie]], was able to convince Chris to break the first fundamental rule of cybersecurity and "share" his password in [[BlueSpike_PSN_Chat_3|February 2009]], which was later used as a wedge to control and torment Chris. That summer, [[Jack Thaddeus]] seized the account, resulting in the infamous [[Chris humps his PS3|eight minutes of console sex]] and detailed revelations concerning Chris’s insane online spending habits.

Chris managed to keep control of his accounts for a surprisingly long time after his run-in with Thaddeus, but his luck ran out on 24 [[February 2010]], thanks to [[Surfshack Tito|a certain <s>nigger</s> Hawaiian]].

==Fanboyism==
<center>{{#ev:youtube|TgE0By-LYMQ}}</center>

{{quote|So… good reason to get a PlayStation 3 system… of at least 60 GB or higher! 'Cause, uh, y'know, they have four USB ports, the memory card slots, and able to access the Internet wirelessly. While 40 GB and lower: two USB ports, no memory card slots, and requires an Ethernet cable to connect to the Internet. And… LittleBigPlanet! And as you all know from my sponsorship video, ev— most of the videos I put up on YouTube were spon— were sponsored by Sony, and their PlayStation Eye, and their PlayStation 3.|[[Chris Chan Update 13 October 2008|Chris failing to tell us what the "good reason" is]]}}
{{quote|And yet, at the beginning, during the "Console War", I feel that I have chosen Truly Wise. Sony has truly helped this soul better his life, and many others as well. And with every new update, the PS3 and PSP grow more and more better alongside me. Playstaion isn't just a Station to Play, it's the station to Play and Truly Enrich Yourself. Higher Definition equals Better Points of View. Talking over the internet from a sancturious comfort is truly an enriching luxury. Now I have put behind me my regrets of Life without Playstation. And with Priceless Experiences, an honest sense of satisfaction. And a more mature winning attitude. Sony's Playstation 3 and Playstation Portable are Truly a place I can call... My Digital HOME. :D Happy Anniversary, Playstation 3; you are Truly the Best Life Upgrade Ever|Chris, fellating the faceless angel of overpriced electronics in [[PS3 History Level]] speech bubbles}}

[[Image:Playstation Patrol W CWC's Car.JPG|thumb|right|[[Son-Chu]] camped outside a Playstation Cave]]
Chris pops giant boners for PS3. He makes trolls on /v/ look like mild enthusiasts with his hatred of the [[Hex Bawx]].

==Molestations and other PS3 damage==

On 24 [[July 2009]], a video of [[Chris humps his PS3|Chris humping his PS3]] was leaked. It is generally believed that physically molesting electronics may often shorten their lifespan; hard drives and optical drives are particularly prone to breaking under such physical [[stress]].

On 5 [[May 2010]], Chris [[I Pimp My Ride|posted a video]] in which he bragged about removing a "bug" from his PS3, thanks to a [[white knight]] who tipped him off. While Chris did apparently understand that the component was actually the system's wireless networking antenna, he removed it anyway. It seems to have had no effect on his ability connect his PS3 to the internet, indicating that he either uses a wired Ethernet connection or he realized how fucked he was and put it back in place. In any case, he voided his console's warranty... just as planned.

On 27 [[August 2010]], Chris [[Stardate, August 27, 2010|posted a solemn video]] where he explains how he inadvertently formatted his own PS3, erasing over 3 years of his life. Through repeated abuse (see above), Chris's PS3 was misbehaving, prompting him to contact [[Sony]] tech support. They apparently guided him through an attempt to fix corrupted files on the PS3's hard drive, but fortunately this did not go to plan and Chris was given a choice to reformat his drive, which he accepted.

In the video, Chris blamed a "misunderstanding" between him and the support representative as the reason why he ended up formatting his drive, but it's more likely that Chris [[Autism|wasn't even listening]] to the things the representative was saying, being more concerned with being able to use his life upgrade again as soon as possible. This dubious series of events was disputed by CWC experts, who suspect that Chris may not have been his [[List of Chris's lies|TRUE and HONEST self]]. However, his PSN account activity suggested he had indeed deleted fucking everything.

==Good night, sweet prince==

[[File:Cameragroup004.jpg|thumb|Trivia: Chris still keeps VHS tapes in the clutter of his [[room]]]]

On 29 August 2010, trolls obtained [[The MovingFoward videos]] where Chris finally put the nail in his life upgrade's coffin by beating it up with an edging stone and then running it over with his [[car]]. In the third video, Chris claimed to have tested his PS3 and confirmed it no longer started up but still "went into standby mode". He then used some scissors to repeatedly stab the console's remains. Trolls also obtained [[The_MovingFoward_videos#Destruction_Gallery|photographs of the console]] in various states of destruction.

The next day, [[ItIsFinished.MOV|another video]] appeared wherein Chris took the crushed, stabbed, and disassembled parts of his PS3, laid them out in his driveway, and ran them over with his car yet again (repeatedly) for good measure.

It was revealed [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|through a series of e-mails]] that Chris had destroyed his beloved Life Upgrade in an attempt to cash in on a troll reward. However, to the surprise of none, he didn't think through this idea more, destroying nearly $5000 dollars in his greed.

== The Rebirth ==

As of September 6th, 2010, only ''days'' after killing his life upgrade, it was resurrected, [[monthly tugboat|with your help]]. Chris had claimed in his Tito and Clyde emails that he would never buy another PS3, probably an attempt to convince the two. Little does Chris know, as he thinks he is the puppet master, that the trolls are the ones pulling his strings.

==Other oddities==

Chris appears to have put at least some of the games he has bought in blue Blu-Ray cases instead of keeping them in original retail cases.<ref>Seen, for example, in [[Brutal Legend]].</ref> He even does so in the ''[[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles]]'' advertisement. This peculiar practice is explained in Chris's [[PS3 History Level]]: Chris buys Blu-Ray game cases from eBay and switches them over because "It's THINNER than the Clear Original PS3 Disc Cases; MORE SHELF SPACE for MORE GAMES."

==See also==
*[[Chris-chan Discusses...]] - a video interview with Chris conducted over the PS3's video chat service.
*[[List of Chris's games]] - detailing his entire game collection.
*[[List of Chris's PSN video downloads]]
*[[List of Chris's PSN game downloads]]
*[[Pixelated PS3]] - Chris attempt to build one from [[Lego]] and [[Pixelblocks]].
*[[PS3 History Level]]
*[[PSEye]]
*[[PSP]]
*[[PSN Blogs]] - an archive of Chris's posts.
*[[Sonichu Home Club]] - because Chris loves Sony so much, he uses their ''Second Life'' ripoff.
*[[Sony]]
*[[Hex Bawx|Xbox 360]] - the Kryptonite of Chris's video gaming.
*[[ItIsFinished.MOV]] - GAME OVER.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3WQ3QiJMWU Boyfriend-Free PS3]

[[Category:Things Chris has had Sex with]]
[[Category:Video Games]]
[[Category:Sony]]
[[Category:PS3]]

Death threats

2010-09-28T09:22:08Z

Kazmeyer: Undo revision 116492 by Notallmuslimshate (talk)

[[Image:Claw of fail 2.jpg|thumb|An evil man, plotting evil deeds.]]

Contrary to his claims of kindness and patience, [[Chris]] often goes on about how much he hates someone, or wants someone to suffer. In these rants, Chris occasionally crosses the line, and lets slip the fact that he honestly wants someone to die, often as horribly as possible. These '''death threats''' have become increasingly common since [[2009]].

==Means of delivery==
On a few occasions, Chris has dedicated special time and energy to immortalize his desire to kill in his [[comic]]s. In these works, the person Chris wishes to destroy is often depicted as a purely evil villain, hellbent on the destruction of our innocent manchild hero. While these are much more noticeable than his other threats, they are also more infrequent, as Chris is lazy, and often unwilling to dedicate the time and energy to hurting his enemies in fiction. This list does not include real people who have been fictionalized and then assaulted by Chris in the comics, but rather, actual people who Chris has actually threatened.

The majority of Chris's cries for blood are delivered via [[YouTube]] videos. Compared to murdering somebody in a comic, [[Chris and anger|raging]] into a camera is very easy, and it allows Chris much more opportunity to scream and shout like the child he is.

==Targets==
Either Chris's store of rage has steadily grown over months and years of trolling, or he's simply grown desensitized to the implications of calling for another person's death. While at one point it was a very rare occurrence for Chris to threaten or call for the death of his enemies, towards the end of 2009 and early 2010 Chris began screaming for murderous vengeance and penning elaborate, violent fantasies in the pages of his comic on a frighteningly regular basis. The people he has wished this grisly fate upon are listed are follows.

===[[Jack Thaddeus]]===
On [[Christmas]] Day 2009, Chris uploaded a video aptly titled "[[Kill De Jack]]", making public his great desire for Jack to die. So much for goodwill towards men. Oddly, he never actually physically demanded that Jack be murdered in the course of the video, spending most of his time bitching about the [[Homos|homosexual]] ads that Jack had placed on the [[CWCipedia]].

{{Quote|And to go back to the current topic, '''Kill de Jack Thaddeus'''.|Chris, [[Download For Play Only|changing topics]].}}

Chris verbally stated his intent to murder Jack on 26 [[December 2009]]. Then on the 27th Chris uploaded another [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|video]], where he switched it up by demanding that Jack save Chris the trouble, and kill ''himself''. These demands that Jack and Clyde murder themselves soon became the norm, showing up in videos,[[CWC Blog#28 December 2009|blog entries]] and scattered about on the [[CWCipedia]]. Needless to say, Jack continued to refuse to kill himself.

Unable to slay his enemy in the real world, Chris returned to his old revenge proxy, the Sonichu comics. In [[Sonichu 10]], Chris trapped Jack and Clyde on top of the [[4-cent_garbage.com|4-cent garbage]] building, and then assaulted it with powerful soundwaves, compromising the building's structural integrity, and effectively dooming everyone inside it to death and dismemberment. Jack and Clyde, unable to escape the crumbling tower opted to throw themselves down the elevator shaft, rather than be crushed under the rubble, proving once and for all that Chris is more than willing to slaughter hundreds just to get back at someone who was mean to him on the internet.

===[[Jason Kendrick Howell]]===
[[Image:Bigboss.JPG|thumb|Jason bleeding to death on the cold ground.]]

The creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED page]] that brought Chris into the limelight has been the target of Chris's impotent cries for blood several times. The most notable instance of this is in [[Sonichu 8#Episode 17: "Rage Against the Garbage"|Sonichu 8]], where Chris depicted him being slashed, electrocuted and ''face raped''. It even gets stated outright that the assault was fatal, and that the only reason Jason was alive was due to "dark powers." Whether these powers are Jason's own psychic ability, or some malevolent force that merely wishes to see Jason suffer longer, is left ambiguous.

Chris also tried to play the [[True and Loyal Fanbase#Personal army|personal army]] game against him with a [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)|video]]. While most of the message fell in line with the general "please troll this person instead of me" lines, one passage in particular stands out from the rest.

{{Quote|Shower him with as much hate as possible until that Encyclopedia Dramatica page is taken down, '''along with him'''.|Chris "subtly" expressing his desire for Jason to stop existing.}}

Also notable is the time Chris attempted to involve [[Chris and religion|God and Jesus]] in his murder plot. God and Jesus have yet to respond.

{{quote|I PRAY TO GOD AND JESUS TO KILL JASON KENDRICK HOWELL|Chris-chan, [[Sonichu Girls]] forum}}

And who can forget the phone call Jason received after [[Sonichu.net]] was hacked by [[Clyde Cash|someone]] Chris thought was him.

{{quote|[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD]]!|Chris, who, according to himself, "wasn't in a sound state of mind" at the time.}}

Although Jason did create the original ED page, he has never had a particularly active role in tormenting Chris, choosing (like most of us) to simply enjoy the show. As such, while Chris has never really "forgiven" him, threats against Jason have essentially ceased as Chris shifts his focus to more immediate threats.

===[[Clyde Cash]]===

{{Quote|'''[[Song of Christian#Part 2|EEEEEEENNNNNNNNGH!]] I'LL STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH!'''|Chris, [[CWC Update!!!!! 27 March 2009|while smiling evilly]].}}

The undisputed leader and hero of all of Chris's [[trolls]], Clyde Cash has been on the receiving end of his fair share of death threats. The sheer hatred Chris holds for Clyde is impressive all by itself. With the other trolls, Chris has at least tried to appear subtle about his dark intentions, or at least demands their deaths relatively infrequently. Where Clyde is concerned, Chris is extremely upfront and clear about his desire to murder Cash. Even Clyde faking his own suicide was not enough to escape Chris's wrath.

{{Quote|CLYDE DO YOU HEAR ME?! YOU ARE DEAAAD! YOU ARE DEAD! '''YOU ARE DEAD!'''|Chris, [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|somewhat angry]].}}

Thereafter, Chris's cries for Clyde's blood upon took on much more serious undertones. While his earlier threats of strangulation and being forced to eat his own underwear were done with no apparent attempt to follow through on his dark words, more recent threats have come with demands that Clyde should come and face Chris in person, so that Chris might physically extract his revenge. It could be inferred by this that Chris has indeed planned out [[Dirty crapped briefs|exactly what his course of action would be if Clyde did suddenly show up at his front door.]]

{{Quote|You come to me. I will fight you! I will CRUSH YOU!|Chris, [[Challenge for Clyde|asking for a fight]].}}

[[Don't Mess With Me|Chris posted another video]] in which he roleplayed encountering Clyde Cash in real life. Upon being insulted by 'Clyde', Chris proceeded to pretend to beat up, choke, and finally slit the throat of the imaginary Clyde with a real knife, all as a warning to other trolls.

Finally, there's the matter of Clyde's family. It's not enough for Chris to merely murder Clyde. Chris has shown that he feels the entire Cash family line is just as deserving of his rage as Clyde, and has stated this outright. The fact that this is essentially a small scale act of ''genocide'' has apparently not occurred to him.

{{Quote|THIS IS FOR CLYDE CASH TO EVERY LAST ONE OF HIS FAMILY MEMBERS INCLUDING HIS COUSIN [[Vivian Gee|VIVIAN]]!|Chris, Immediately before [[Sign Destruction Video|sinking his teeth into a doll's head]].}}

===[[Liquid Chris]]===

Chris had made a number of videos raging against the real Chris, but he didn't cross over into death threat territory until after Liquid declared himself the victor of the [[SingStar Challenge]].

{{Quote|'''DIIIIIIIIIEEEEE YOU!!'''|Chris, [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|eloquently expressing his disapproval]].}}

[[Image:BustACap.jpg|thumb|Chris's solution to boyfriends.]]

Chris's murderous tendencies showed up again in [[Rescuing Kacey From Christian W Chandler]]. In the video, Chris manages to twist a game made for children of all ages into a tool to spread his hatred, as he breaks into Liquid's home and shoots him. Due to the limitations of the game, this is accomplished with a paint gun, but what happens next makes his true intent all too clear.

In a stunning display of unoriginality, Chris reused this exact same plotline for [[Sonichu Special 4]]. In this comic, Chris depicts Liquid as a knife-wielding villain who kidnapped [[Kacey]]. Upon arriving to "rescue" her, Chris produces a handgun (possibly [[Transformers|Decepticon]] leader Megatron in disguise), shoots Liquid in both his shins and leaves him to bleed to death, which is widely regarded in both the unwritten rules of war and [[Jerkops|maintaining law and order]] as dishonorable and a coward's way to end a conflict. When Kacey expressed horror at the fact that he wanted to kill her boyfriend, Chris missed the point about why she was so upset. He told her that he could re-draw the comic, and that such shots were meant to keep him from chasing them, completely avoiding the issue that wanting to shoot someone in the first place is off-putting, as is a desire to cripple someone for life. Chris also tried to justify this with the fact that Comic-Liquid was coming at him with a knife, and didn't seem to comprehend the real source of Kacey's shock: she wasn't so much angry at Comic-Chris for defending himself (albeit in a cowardly way) as she was angry at Real-Chris for constructing a fantasy in which he could maim her boyfriend and be completely in the right.

===[[Vivian Gee]]===
Afraid that Vivian would not understand the "fury of [his] wrath", Chris [[Sign Destruction Video|opted to use a visual aid]]. He accomplished this with a [[Clown Doll]] and a wooden spike.

{{Quote|NOW WATCH WHAT I DO WITH THIS AS I WILL DO TO VIVIAN GEE IF SHE DOES NOT S- TAKE DOWN EVERY LAST ONE OF [[Audiobooks|HER VIDEOS]] AND CLOSES HER YOUTUBE ACCOUNT!|Chris, expressing his desire to stab an innocent woman to death.}}

While there is an obvious difference between attacking a person and a doll, the sight of a grown man taking such obvious joy in the idea of violently killing a woman is disturbing nonetheless. The video also includes a threat against every single member of Vivian's family (including her cousin, [[Clyde Cash]]), though it's not clear if he actually wishes to kill them, or just beat them up and bite off their hats.

[[Image:YouDieTodayBitch.PNG|thumb|A friendly letter.]]

Vivian recently revealed in [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Onov29D4lKc a YouTube video] that Chris also took the more direct approach to threatening her death. On 1 [[September 2009]] he actually sent her an E-mail directly demanding that she get a heart attack and pass away immediately. Fortunately, Chris [[CWC Update 7 July 2009|does not have a Death Note]], and Vivian survived.

{{Quote|D, Vivian G, D!|Chris, [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|13 September 2009]]}}

Chris later [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Cf2UM76sDU apologized for the threatening message]. While the apology was more like begging for money then a genuine show of [[Chris and remorse|remorse]], it's possible that he realized that personally sending people death threats could actually get you in serious trouble and was making an attempt at damage control.

===Alec Benson Leary===
While Chris has no problem calling Sonichu a [[parody]] in order to (so he thinks) avoid copyright infringement and build his character into a moneymaking franchise, when someone ''actually'' parodies Sonichu or any of his other creations, he goes right off the deep end. Alec Benson Leary is the gentle and kind creator of [[Asperchu]], which is effectively a parody of Sonichu himself as well as Chris's hatred of everything Asperger's and "seemingly" homosexual. For a few weeks after the comic's debut, Chris ignored Asperchu, regarding it as nothing more than a simple parody. Soon enough, however, many of his fans began abandoning Sonichu for Asperchu, and announcing their intentions in his [[Mailbag]].

On January 9th, 2010, the first [[Captain's Log]] of that year, Chris [[Down with asperchu|called out Alec Benson Leary]] after advertisements for the Asperchu wiki, or [[Asperpedia]], started showing up on the CWCipedia (replacing the homoerotic ads that had been an earlier source of turmoil). Not amused with the new ads or his Sonichu's appearance in the comics, Chris started raging out.

{{Quote|DIE, you son of a bitch, Alec, die!|Chris, being Chris as usual.}}

Alec represents the first time Chris has ever issued a public death threat to someone who had shown him respect. While most of the other individuals Chris has threatened have been antagonistic towards him, all of Alec's public communications up to that point had been a combination of respect and admiration. The only reasons Chris had to hate Alec was the fact that his character is overweight and his website runs on the same Mediawiki software. A few days later Chris claimed in a the description to one of his [[12 January 2010|videos]] that he knew where Alec lived. Fortunately for Alec, it was just another lie.

While delivering an in-depth analysis of [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|Asperchu]], Chris threatened to have the ghost of his dog Patti maul Alec to death in his sleep in hell. It is unclear if he realizes he implied Patti Chandler is in hell. Alec has responded to this most recent threat by using his Adspace on the [[CWCipedia]] to ask people to donate to victims of the [[Wikipedia:2010 Haiti earthquake|earthquake in Haiti]]. Clearly Alec is just as horrible a man as Chris claims him to be. Chris finally took his hatred of Alec to its conclusion in late February, slaughtering him in ''Sonichu'' #10 alongside Sean, Evan and Mao.

===[[Evan]], Mao, and Sean===
[[Image:SchuComic10P91.jpg|thumb|"BLOOD AND GORE!"]]

Chris included Evan and Mao, two of Leary's partners in the creation of Asperpedia, in another threat against Alec's life. Evan was most likely singled out because of his campaign to have [[Simonchu|his character]] removed from Chris's comic. Mao, on the other hand, has done nothing to Chris other than be a good friend to Alec. On 01 [[February 2010]] a reversing twist of situation appeared over the use of the adspace on CWCipedia. Mao was set on the receiving end of a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha]] and then was asked to [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|"Take down the ads! Or prematurely ROT!"]] while, on the other side, Evan and Alec [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|received apologies]] for the death threats with a [[Chris and remorse#Motivation to apologize|hint of reciprocity]] for the management of the ads on Chris's wiki. This is all taken back when Chris tells them along with Alec and Sean to [[9 February 2010|"rot... in... HELL!!!"]]

{{quote|My amends have been made.|Chris, failing at respect and basic [[Chris and English|English]] after an unjust trial resulting in torture and execution.}}

Despite originally "having less offense" with Sean, Chris demonstrated considerable rage later on, threatening [[15 January 2010| to beat him]] and curse him. However, he refrained from crossing into death threat territory until [[Sonichu 10]] - wherein he drew the dazed and confused artist attempting to defend himself in court, despite [[Chris and the law| totally unsubstantial "mental evidence" extracted from his mind being used against him.]] Then, approximately one page after finishing his [[Chris and remorse|apology]], he summarily [[Chris and death|executes all four of the poor bastards.]] While doing so, he has each of the extremely biased "victims" take part, including a toddler, and Chris himself. (Of note is that Chris literally [[Rage|depicts himself tearing out Mao's heart.]])

===[[Cogsdev]]===
A vague death threat was given when Chris discovered the [[CWCki]] on 11 [[March 2010]], [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Featured_Quote&curid=40&diff=4006&oldid=4005 where Chris claimed] "there will be trouble upon that Person directly from Me" unless every page about his sweethearts was removed by 12 March 2010. He later [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Featured_Quote&diff=next&oldid=4006 extended the deadline] to remove all traces of his sweethearts to 31 March 2010. This is due to Chris [[Wallflower#Anonymity|once again]] believing he was responsible for something becoming inaccessible on the internet. His threat to [[Cogsdev|her]] was clarified in this extension, in which he said "The deadline is March 31, 2010, 11:59 PM, [[Chris and English|Easter]] Standard Time. Do it, or there WILL be trouble. I am [[Pocket knife|Armed]] after all." This threat was realized when Chris created an [[User:GodofThunderGodofWar|account]] on the CWCki, and proceeded to [[List of Christian's edits to the CWCki|fail at vandalism]].

Chris's threats were directed to the Webmaster of the CWCki, and he initially identified the webmaster as male. As such, it is currently unknown whether Chris has managed to determine the identity of the webmaster, despite the domain name. He has yet to yell at her in a video, and given the death of the [[CWCipedia]] and his current attempts to avoid the internet, it's unlikely he will.

===[[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]]===
On 2 [[March 2010]], after Surfshack Tito hacked in to Chris's PSN account, he threatened to "[[Patti|get yours in your dreams- your- in your nightmares]]" in a failed attempt to threaten him, at the same time firing a [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Curse Shot]]. Twelve days later, in his video "[[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!]]", he tries to be more threatening towards Tito, this time with his [[pocket knife]] and a [[Homos|panty shot in a kilt]]. Chris believed that Tito was the reason why he and [[The Wallflower]] parted ways, even though their separation was due to concerned trolls contacting her about Chris's history with women, fearing that she'll end up becoming the next [[Megan Schroeder|Megan]]. In the end, typical of our fat [[Autism|HFA]] friend, Chris's threat did not work and instead he offended [[Cogsdev|countless]] [[User:Great Briton|citizens]] of Ireland and the United Kingdom the way he offended [[Cherokian Clan|Native Americans]] in his [[War Paint Video]].

On [[March_2010|17 March]] Chris made his most threatening video yet accusing Surfshack Tito of being the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], a womanizer, a rapist, and calling him a [[nigger]] and then promising he would cut him up and squeeze his fat into his skull until it bursts open, easily the most bizarre death threat Chris has made to date. This blatant display of racism is generally considered to be the event that prompted Jack Thaddeus to pull all of his ads from the [[CWCipedia]] and influenced Mao to take it over and allow the Asperpedia Four to totally wreck Chris's shit.

==Chris as recipient==

Chris said he allegedly received a death threat ("YOU'RE DEAD! YOU'RE DEAD!") from [[Michael Snyder]] on 4th [[June 2010]]. Given that Chris was trespassing at the GAMe PLACe again, and that Mike was under the impression that Chris was trying to photograph his daughter, this outburst seems fairly reasonable. Chris responded very negatively to this threat, [[Chris and hypocrisy|bitching about the "verbal harassment"]] in his next [[6 June 2010|video]].

==See also==
*[[Chris and anger]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

PS3

2010-09-25T14:57:17Z

Kazmeyer: Undo revision 115653 by Alternativeways (talk)

CWCki:Community Portal/Archive 9

2010-09-25T13:17:43Z

Kazmeyer: Undo revision 115646 by Lookingafghon (talk)

__NEWSECTIONLINK__
The Community Portal is designed to be a public forum to discuss CWCki related affairs for site wide concerns, policy, that sort of thing.

Please consult the archives to make sure your concern hasn't already been posted before:

'''Archive:''' [[CWCki:Community Portal/Archive 1|1]] [[CWCki:Community Portal/Archive 2|2]] [[CWCki:Community Portal/Archive 3|3]]
[[CWCki:Community Portal/Archive 4|4]] [[CWCki:Community Portal/Archive 5|5]] [[CWCki:Community Portal/Archive 6|6]] [[CWCki:Community Portal/Archive 7|7]] [[CWCki:Community Portal/Archive 8|8]]

== Since I've been gone ==

I was in the hospital for a few days and apparently, shit came up. Looks like shit was settled though...or was it? Your thoughts, people. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 20:20, 28 June 2010 (UTC)
*Define "shit" Champ. Shit as in Chris's madness on flipnote, shit as in the Asperpedia hack, or shit as in Alex being a retard? In any case, nothing was settled. At all. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 21:50, 28 June 2010 (UTC)
*Mostly agree; Chris has been typical Chris on Flipnote and Asperpedia is still being fucking weird, but 16BitAlex is gone, and BabyNeko left as well in a flurry of drama, so that specific shit has settled for the moment. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 21:59, 28 June 2010 (UTC)
*Well, BabyNeko is gone. But Alex certainly is not. He said he was going, but like certain other manchildren before him, he is continueing to frequent that which he said he would leave forever, posting more bullshit about apples and his racist views on asian women or some shit like that. I have no clue what he's really saying. He used to make sense, and then his language just devolved into retarded babbling. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 22:31, 28 June 2010 (UTC)
**I removed my "retarded babbling". --[[User:16BitAlex|16BitAlex]] 00:07, 29 June 2010 (UTC)
***Your "DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING" tactic just makes you look worse, you know.--[[User:Star Platinum|Star Platinum]] 01:59, 30 June 2010 (UTC)
*Typical garden-variety madness, nothing serious. I wish you a speedy recovery. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 03:53, 29 June 2010 (UTC)
:*Faggots did drama, Chris kept on being Chris. Hope whatever hospitalized you wasn't too serious and that you get well soon.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 18:39, 29 June 2010 (UTC)
beat said it best. --[[User:Jump|Jump]] 02:04, 2 July 2010 (UTC)

==Long time, no see==

I was reading an issue of Rolling Stone yesterday, and I found out that California rejected funding for an IRL homosexuality "cure". Wouldn't it be fun if we told Chris about this, just for his reaction? Guys? --[[User:SniperFire16|SniperFire16]] 15:42, 29 June 2010 (UTC)

:Possibly. Actually, the way things are going now, he could start building an actual political platform that would include anti-badmouthing, homo vaccines, and dating education. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 18:37, 29 June 2010 (UTC)

== 16bitfaggot B& BryanBash ==

I am a humble user, barely making edits and staying out of this petty drama. But this is far, far more of a crime than I can let go by unpunished. Ban this faggot.--[[User:Wintermute|Wintermute]] 02:04, 1 July 2010 (UTC)

What the fuck happened? I'm a bit out of the loop. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 02:23, 1 July 2010 (UTC)

*16bitAlex is being lame. Unfortunately, it's the poisonous kind of lame that compels others to act lame in a display of how much they hate him. At least I think that's what's going on.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 02:27, 1 July 2010 (UTC)
**That's about right. I forget where it started, but you can see a lot of it on Delabonte's page. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 02:28, 1 July 2010 (UTC)
***My personal justification is that I needed a reason to act like a fag to somebody, and to put it bluntly, he's the perfect excuse. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 02:31, 1 July 2010 (UTC)
****What did your girlfriend break up with you, and now you're hiding your secret pain by lashing out on the internet? I realize he's being a moron and I'm honestly shocked he hasn't been banned yet, but you guys have managed to fill the entire recent changes page with your little bitch fight against him on multiple occasions. That shit is just sad.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 02:51, 1 July 2010 (UTC)
*****Haven't had a girlfriend in months. Sorry about the recent changes thing, I guess it didn't occur to me that that was the case. I came here back in January primarily as a troll, and I hadn't done any trolling here yet. Call me immature, but it was doing what I came here to do, and it was satisfying. Seems like it's just about blown over now though, so I'll resume normal editing duties shortly. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 02:57, 1 July 2010 (UTC)
******Sorry about clogging the first page of recent changes on your website dedicated to documenting everything a 28 year old manbaby has ever done. Seriously, fucking relax. [[User:Sully|Sully]] 03:09, 1 July 2010 (UTC)
*******I actually did want to stay out of the drama. I just posted a single comment on Delabonte's page telling Alex to abandon his account and just set up a new online identity. I just wanted to end this shit. Unfortunatly, he instead went on to cause more drama, and it pissed me off to the point I became an active participant. Well, i've learned my lesson now; Never try to white knight for anybody. If they are being trolled then they probably deserve it. I'm sorry for being a faggot everyone. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 10:36, 1 July 2010 (UTC)

== Times Square Billboard Images ==

Where on the cwcki can I view them?
[[User:BigDipper|BigDipper]] 19:20 30 June 2010 (UTC)
*They're here - http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/20_December_2009 [[User:Irenicus|Irenicus]] 11:13, 1 July 2010 (UTC)

== Ok... ==
You know what I hate more than anything else in the world? Gary Oak. Gary motherfucking Oak and the 500 motherfucking server error. Now, I know that the people in charge probably won't listen to this suggestion. I know it'd cause a lot of trouble to actually do it. I know that there is most likely some reason why we haven't already done it. But i'm not 100% certain, so i'm gonna throw this suggestion out there in the vain hope that someone sees it and either does it or at least explains why we can't;

Why don't we move CWCki to the Hsienko servers that Asperpedia is hosted on?

Because I NEVER have any of this shit when doing stuff there. Not once. Ever. At all.

Over there, internal server errors do not exist.

Just throwing it out there. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 22:40, 1 July 2010 (UTC)
*Having just received the 500 error (while logging in, no less), I like this idea.-[[User:Trombonista|trombonista]] 23:20, 1 July 2010 (UTC)==
*And now the errors are getting worse. Are they trying to tell us something?-[[User:Trombonista|trombonista]] 00:46, 2 July 2010 (UTC)
**I think today the website is just more stressed than usual. It's what motivated me to post. I was getting so fucking many on recent changes all the time. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 00:51, 2 July 2010 (UTC)
::*The 500 errors are becoming infuriatingly common, but I'm thinking there has to be a fix that doesn't involve moving the whole site.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 01:59, 2 July 2010 (UTC)

== Contact Info ==
I've got an idea that will probably elicit no reaction whatever from Chris but has to be worth a try. But he's always abandoning accounts and changing his email. Does anyone have his most up-to-date email address? Does anyone know if he still even checks it anymore? I know he said he was giving up internet, but he's still on Flipnote, so you never know. Thanks a million and Happy Canada Day! --[[User:Manwithoutabody|manwithoutabody]] 19:34 1 July 2010 CEST

: chrischansonichu@aol.com is and always has been his email account. These days he barely checks it and doesn't reply to anything, so best of luck; I've been bombarding it on and off from various email accounts ever since Sydney got through, but not even a single bite. Emailing Chris at this point is like pissing into an ocean of piss. p.s if your idea is 'pretend to be Megan, pretend to be a girl interested in him, say you dug up patti,pretend you are someone impossible (such as Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)), then I can safely say it won't work. Good luck though. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 01:03, 2 July 2010 (UTC)

==I MAD==

Okay, so the 'fan videos' is a cool and entertaining feature that can spice up a boring video page. Like all good ideas, however, something fucktarded has to come along. In this case, I'm talking about the utterly moronic practice of inserting videos that are either unrelated to the topic at hand, not actual Chris videos, or both. I'm not going to point any fingers namely because I've been gone forever and I'm not going to search through histories. Does a video with 'hurr durr i edited clips to make chris say he's gay' belong in the middle of the [[homos]] article? Does [[Sweetheart]] need some totally fucking irrelevant mashup at the top of the page?

At best, this is a misguided attempt at transplanting in humor. At worst, it's namefaggotry. I'm going to be weeding out this crap but it would be nice if certain people actively avoided this level of dumbfuckery. Put fan videos in a segment labeled fan videos, and maybe explain how the fuck it's relevant to the article.

/rage rage rage rage --[[User:Jump|Jump]] 02:04, 2 July 2010 (UTC)

:Aren't we a little overzealous? Granted, some videos are useless, but '''we have a fan video template.''' Just get rid of the useless ones and fix the ones that stay. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 02:27, 2 July 2010 (UTC)

:*Essentially, that's what I want, for people to use the template and make sure the video is appropriate. You just said it without all my impotent NERD RAAAAAAAGE. --[[User:Jump|Jump]] 02:31, 2 July 2010 (UTC)
::*I've seen this shit around too, didn't know it was an issue. I'll keep an eye out in case someone adds that sort of thing in from now on. [[User:Thelieisacake|Thelieisacake]] 04:40, 2 July 2010 (UTC)
*I see what you're getting at. I think there are quite a few pages where there's far too many fan videos. A secondary goal of the CWCki which hasn't been quite elaborated on formally is that it should serve to preserve trolling culture and our collective trolling heritage that surrounds Chris. Personally, I think a fan video should only be included in an article if 1) it is notable in itself (see Vivian G's "DYKES DYKES CHINA," for instance) or 2) it illustrates a point clearly (can't think of a good example at the moment). In any case, it should be done sparingly. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:20, 2 July 2010 (UTC)

== Why I've banned 16BitAlex ==

When I was 4 or so, I had an NES when it was still pretty new and my babysitter loved playing it. One time, my mom took away the NES from me because my babysitter was so enamored with the NES, she would forget to, you know, watch me. It's something like that.

I really didn't follow shit he did closely because Chris is enough drama to follow. 16BitAlex seemed to be causing drama that was counter productive to the CWCki's goal of documenting the life and times of Christian Weston Chandler.

It looks like he himself tried to ban himself and so I took it upon myself to do the job right for him. Alex, if you're reading this, you are free to appeal this ban. Likewise, he is free to create a new account and start life anew on the CWCki, provided he will not delve too much into his personal life and stay focused on just editing the CWCki.

I am really sick of this drama, not so much from CWCki editors but people like Clyde, and I'm afraid the only feasible solution I have was to remove Alex and in a way that was also to protect him because God damn, he is such a damn ass pie.

Now let's get back to work, people. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 15:06, 2 July 2010 (UTC)
*I officially declare the first Church of Champthom open. Praise the Lord, for we have been saved! --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 15:12, 2 July 2010 (UTC)
*I'm glad you took care of this. Really, I'm surprised why none of the other admins stepped in. I guess they just wanted to see the drama unfold. Hopefully this will ''finally'' die down. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 15:18, 2 July 2010 (UTC)
*Champ, you are hot. I want you. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 15:33, 2 July 2010 (UTC)
*Me too! --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 15:42, 2 July 2010 (UTC)
*This is a good thing. The best thing, even.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 15:48, 2 July 2010 (UTC)
*I want to suck your big dick Champthom and have you come all over my face. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 05:13, 3 July 2010 (UTC)
*Perhaps it's that I haven't slept since Thursday afternoon, but the NES analogy is going way over my head. Still, I'm glad to see it over, even if I was a contributor. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 05:38, 3 July 2010 (UTC)
:The babysitter (CWCki editors) was playing the NES (messing with Alex) instead of doing her job and watching baby Champ. (obsessively chronicling the day to day life of an autistic manchild)--[[User:Star Platinum|Star Platinum]] 16:37, 3 July 2010 (UTC)
*Thank GodBearJesus that crap is over.[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 06:09, 3 July 2010 (UTC)
*To be honest I do think this 16BitAlex drama was creating confusion and chaos in the wiki. As much as I'd like to have trolled him, we do have to find a better place to do it. It was starting to get like an angry shouting match in broad daylight in the middle of a mall D: -- [[User:Da Nuke|Da_Nuke the Nucular Raeg Bomb]] 04:32, 4 July 2010 (UTC)
:*Very apt. In any case, the point is that Alex himself didn't do anything wrong, per say, only that he was acting in a way that was disruptive as feeding trolls (which, as this wiki serves as a beautiful illustration, is something you just don't do) and I felt it was best for him and this wiki for him to be banned. Anyways, just wanted to clarify that it has nothing to do with me hating Alex or siding with people trolling him, just wanted to get this shit taken care of.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:44, 7 July 2010 (UTC)
::*Whatever your motives, we still love you just as much for actually doing it. The dude really needed to go. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 20:11, 7 July 2010 (UTC)

== Chris may be eligible for fraud charges ==

Greetings all. A friend of mine who used to work as paralegal in social security pointed out that Chris may be eligible for fraud charges. I don't know the exact rules myself, but it seems if you're taking the social security fund and, you are not supposed to have 'substantial assets' (that is, in excess of $2000, sans car and house). Seeing Chris' PS3 and list of purchases, he is very likely to have gone through that limit. Unless he could provide evidence that he is disabled for work, he may face up to 10 years in jail for the fraud charge.

The SSA office in charge of Virginia should be 1470 Pantops Mountain Place, Charlottesville - (434) 295-1144 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting (434) 295-1144 end_of_the_skype_highlighting (reopens on 6th of July I heard). I can't report this issue due to me not being a US citizen, so I'm just pointing a possibility here.
*For the love of GodJesus, how hard is it to sign your posts?--[[User:Trombonista|trombonista]] 04:23, 3 July 2010 (UTC)
:*We've been over this. He has autism, and apparently that's good enough for the state of Virginia.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 04:28, 3 July 2010 (UTC)
::*Also, he really is too stupid to work--he couldn't even take out the garbage at Wendy's without fucking it up.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 04:46, 3 July 2010 (UTC)
*Ah, I'm sorry about that, this is my first time using this function of a wiki page--[[User:Xanandar|Xanandar]] 04:53, 3 July 2010 (UTC)

'''Short answer:''' either you didn't hear your friend correctly, or he's a moron. Chris will never be pulled in on fraud charges.

'''Long answer:''' Assets that would be countable include excess real property, the fair market value of vehicles other than your primary vehicle, balances in savings accounts, excess burial plots, and revocable trusts. Legally, Chris owns very little, his parents owning all the real property (the house and land) and the accounts. Generally, items like TVs and PS3s aren't counted in the count of substantial assets, and oh god the legal shitstorm from revoking SSDI benefits because of DLC would be terrifying. Finally, the defense would have a field day with excuses on why he couldn't have understood the restriction. You might be thinking of "substantial gainful activity" ("SGA"), but that would be work which Chris.....doesn't.

Oh, and '''Supplemental Security Income =/= Social Security Disability Insurance'''. I'm fairly certain Chris receives a check from the latter, so it's more application based than needs based.

-[[User:Jump|attorney at lol]]

Sadly, I think the only thing Chris risks is a weekly follow-up with a social worker. I don't think I will see a judge punishing an autistic manchild on his first fraud offence. I am ready to bet an old 5$ that he will receive no punitive damages at all. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 06:15, 3 July 2010 (UTC)

== Attention all jerkops ==

Any user who interferes with [[User:JenkinsJinkies|JenkinsJinkies]] is to be banned from the CWCki. This user has provided original information about Chris and Clyde has confirmed this to be a confirmed CWCSighting.

That young, 14 year old boy and his valorous usage of his Nintendo DS to attempt to capture Chris warrants special attention and no one is to interfere with him.

Questions may be directed to me on a one-on-one basis (contact info available on my user page).--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 01:26, 4 July 2010 (UTC)

== changes i'd like to see ==

so, i'm thinking about remaking the community portal as an actual portal. that is, a place with links to discussion areas for different topics. one of these would be about speculation, which leads me onto my next change: no more speculation in articles, unless it is ''extremely'' related. some articles have way too fucking much armchair psychology, which really has no place in the main namespace. this is an encyclopaedia of facts, not a gigantic talk page, so please confine your guesswork to either article discussion pages(if it is important to improving the article, i.e. decoding/translating chris's bullshit) or the speculation place(once it's made). please discuss how the community portal should be revamped, such as what discussion pages to create. --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 09:21, 4 July 2010 (UTC)

== MIA Asperpedian ==

I wasn't sure where else to put this, but does anyone know where I can find whoever went by the name "Sans" on Asperpedia? I need to discuss something with him. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 04:34, 6 July 2010 (UTC)

== Favorite Troll Userboxes? ==

Just a suggestion, we have Userboxes for the favorite Chandler cats, but none for one's favorite troll? I just thought it would be a good idea to put out like five for the biggest-names in CWC Trolling (Like Clyde, Jack Thaddeus, Vivitheg, Bluespike...Jimmy Hill?) [[User:Woohah Master|Woohah Master]] 20:57, 7 July 2010 (UTC)
*I support this. I yearn for some way to show my infinite love of Liquid Chris. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 23:15, 7 July 2010 (UTC)
Ah, forgot about Liquid, but yeah, him too [[User:Woohah Master|Woohah Master]] 23:32, 7 July 2010 (UTC)
:I feel Liquid would reign supreme. Still, it seems like we're missing a few; does Alec count? [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 03:47, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
::I think Alec would count. How about Robert Simmons V or The Man in the Pickle Suit? --[[User:Paperback|Paperback]] 10:00, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
Robert I don't think really warrants his own box. He didn't do a whole lot. I'd like to get a box for Evan if we're doing one for Alec. So, the list so far is Clyde, Jack Thaddeus, Vivitheg, Bluespike, Liquid Chris, Alec, Man In The Pickle Suit, and Evan. Who would be up for making them? [[User:Woohah Master|Woohah Master]] 14:47, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
::: I'll make them! Do you think there should be userboxes for favorite saga too? --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' 21:54, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
::Okay, here's the boxes I've made so far:
*[[Template:ClydeCash|Clyde]]
*[[Template:JackThaddeus|Jack]]
*[[Template:VivianGee|Vivian]]
*[[Template:BlueSpike|BlueSpike]]
*[[Template:LiquidChris‎|Liquid]]

Sorry they're nothing special, feel free to edit them. --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' 22:47, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

Needs some spicing up, i'll admit. Maybe some text relating to their trolling campaigns? Maybe something like "This user believes in the TRUE and HONEST Liquid Chris" or "This user is a Bluespike fan, and takes delight in Christian's pain" What do you guys think? --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 00:02, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
:Yeah, sorry they're so bland. I'm a bit slow-in-the-mind so I can't think of anything witty for them. Those sound good to me!

Oh yeah, and I don't know what picture to use for Alec (there was a nice picture of Asperchu, but it's already used for the Asperpedia template), so I'll skip his box for now. --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' 00:26, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
:Might I suggest a picture from his appearance in Sonichu? Probably the best we could do other than maybe a different picture of Asperchu.--[[User:Star Platinum|Star Platinum]] 00:41, 10 July 2010 (UTC)

I added some shit. Feel free to edit. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 00:46, 10 July 2010 (UTC)

I made the boxes for [[Template:MPS|the Man in the Pickle Suit]] and [[Template:Evan|Evan]]. I was working on Alec's but [[User:ALBASPERCHU|ALBASPERCHU]] [[Template:AlecBensonLeary|beat me to it]]. Also I think some of them have that annoying white space problem though. Fuuu- --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' 01:46, 10 July 2010 (UTC)

Way to go, Lime! The only one I would change is the Clyde one. I'm thinking "This user will not strangle dat Clyde Cash." [[User:Woohah Master|Woohah Master]] 16:37, 10 July 2010 (UTC)

== IBA fucking geneva ==

Is evading every five seconds and needs to be dealt with. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 03:36, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
: I have perma-banned the creep twice. Fells like a game of "Whack-A-Mole". [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 03:40, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
:*Mighty fine work there, Griffintown.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 03:43, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
::*I am glad to be helpful. Besides, what is the fun in a Wiki without the odd griefer to whack around? :) [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 05:27, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
:I'd hate to be a fag and walk into this, but I was under the impression that we had his dox, so couldn't we just toss them out? If not there's software that lets us track IP and software even when the user is hiding behind Tor so we could just get his dox if we don't have it that way.-[[User:Kei|Kei]] 04:03, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
Oh god damn. The [[User:Pfaggot|name]] of his new account is harassment itself. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 06:28, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
*BTW his Juanbrujo account isn't banned yet. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 06:33, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
:Yeah. Someone needs to deal with this guy. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 14:54, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
Account list:
*IBAgeneva (banned)
*JerryMathers (banned)
*Goyslayer (banned)
*Juanbrujo (banned)
*Pfaggot (banned)
*Herpdederp (banned)
*Derpaherp (banned)
*Greatjollynegro (banned)
*Uhuru (banned)
*Meenween (banned)
*Mrjoo (banned)
*Lawltiger (banned)
*Pewbmonster (banned)
*Niggomalema (banned)
*Mrpillow (banned)
*Farklesparkle (banned)
*Jammastercoon (banned)
*Travislikesbeer (banned)
*CountCockula (banned)
*Lightsideblue (banned)
*BEEEEES (banned)
*Rapeanator (banned)
*Loldongs (banned)
*Thoumad (banned)
*Spocker (banned)
*Dramallama (banned)
TOTAL: 26
[[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 15:45, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
:Does he think its even funny? Its pathetic and retarded. Maybe the category page shoud just say this person is a faggot.[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 03:44, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
Whoever this guy is, it sounds like he's either butthurt or a newfag since he only makes the same edits over and over. He fails as a vandal. Seriously. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 17:04, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
:You just don't know how fun this is, buddy. Also, Office Space was ok. Wasn't that great of a movie. :/ --[[User:Uhuru|Uhuru]] 17:15, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
::It's fine we can just drop your dox and we'll see if you still think it's fun then. You know Tor doesn't hide your actual IP when you use these sites, at least not when the right software's around.-[[User:Kei|Kei]] 17:22, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
:::That smacks of some sort of desperation. First of all, I get the hint you are talking out your ass. Second, u mad? --[[User:Mrjoo|Mrjoo]] 19:04, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
* Actually no, whenever you use Scripts/Flash Tor won't hide your IP, and there are several commercial programs that can track based on that. Try to figure out how your parachute works before you use it Here's a hint: the boxes that enable flash and Java, leave them off. Of course you can't edit if they are off... -[[User:Kei|Kei]] 20:48, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
:You threaten me with dox and you only follow up with an explanation of how you could possibly find my IP address. You kind of fail at being an internet tough guy.--[[User:Pewbmonster|Pewbmonster]] 20:53, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
::people are not acting like an inetrnet though guy, because your retarded fagottry is just annoying instead of infuriating. and dammit choose less retarded sockpuppets, because seriously "pewbmonster"? what are you? 13?[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 20:57, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
:::Cool story bro. I can't account for how old I am but I know [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LU0Q6ONMQY Pfargtl9000] is a little kid. --[[User:Niggomalema|Niggomalema]] 21:17, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
:::I never threatened, I just said that it's going to happen: it's not just "possibly" find, you've left a big gap and anyone reaasonably skilled and with the software can exploit that. You aren't invisible and there's no reason to why the management wouldn't crank up the rapemachine if you keep trying to act like a big bad troll. You obviously don't know how to vandalize a site, try to know what you're doing before getting smug.-[[User:Kei|Kei]] 21:22, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
::::Hey you might want to shorten your post because I don't feel like reading all that. I mean if your full of hot air just say it. I just am not going to bother with your little screeds. --[[User:Niggomalema|Niggomalema]] 21:30, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
::::: Here's the shorter version: Your dox will be posted. and PS: YOu called Pfargt a little kid, but that little kid has shown more maturity than you ever will. you're a lost case.[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 23:33, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
:::::: Sounds like an empty threat, brah. Your IP is (censored). It isn't that big of a deal, is it? --[[User:Loldongs|Loldongs]] 00:13, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

[http://www.cogsdev.org/w/index.php?title=User_talk:Pfargtl9000&oldid=103044 Will there ever be an end to this?] [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 20:41, 8 July 2010 (UTC)

that's funny, i don't remember giving j0haely or kei any mod priveleges. maybe they should fuck off --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 06:15, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
:Congratulations, this is the CWCki staff, a bunch of angsty thirteen year old boys. No wonder this site can't get it's shit together. Some stupid shit happens and all you can do when the mods are afk or just idle, which is most of the time, is have your userbase make empty, childish threats. Why should anyone take this shit seriously anymore? This is all one big joke. It's like this site is run by the New*Furry*Military. --[[User:Spocker|Spocker]] 15:33, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
::Enjoy your ban. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 15:42, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
:::Enjoying every minute of it. --[[User:Dangerman|Dangerman]] 15:59, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
::::Then why do you keep coming back? [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 16:02, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
: I never mentioned i had mod priviledges. i just find this petty bullshit annoying.[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 16:49, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

It's always good to see another /cwc/ guy on, keeping it interesting. I think everyone (well, save for cogs) is taking this dude a bit too seriously. He's just fucking around, not even really vandalizing. Chill, niggers. --[[User:Jump|Jump]] 16:11, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
:I love a good game of "Whack-A-Mole". Quite relaxing. Looks like I have a partner for the next few days. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 16:23, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

I wouldn't take it so seriously, but it's like having to put up with a spoiled toddler throwing a tantrum. It's pretty obnoxious. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 16:41, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

Would someone please tell me why IP banning him and preventing account creation is so hard to do? I've done that sort of stuff on the Asperpedia when banning random vandals, and from what I've seen it's as simple as clicking two boxes. So what's the problem here then? --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 17:49, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

I think this guy deserves his own article [[User:Leekduck|Leekduck]] 19:04, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

Furfags and furfag sympathizers on cwcki? Still? [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000]], we know you're a fucking faggot who defends furniggers, etc. Get skype, pm me your skype on irc (I'm Krapple_Guy), and we'll settle this there. Do it plz, dramawhore. --[[User:VanKrause|VanKrause]] 19:10, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
:No. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 20:14, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
::Also, does it look like you have the power to force furries off the CWCki? If so, when did you get that pow- oh wait, '''you never had that power.''' Seeing how you are applying Legi0n's rules to a completely different website that doesn't use those rules, you are just making yourself look like an ''ass''. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 20:25, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

Really? Is that what this is about? Furfags? Come on guys. This subject is so old that it's rotting. If you really have that much of a problem with them, then troll them on Youtube. It's much easier, you'd get banned less often, and it'd save grief for both the Krapple trolls and the CWCki. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:49, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
:It seems like the only thing we can't insult is /cwc/, and if we do it we're basically labeled as "niggers" and "furfags". So, [[wikipedia:BioShock|would you kindly]] fuck off? (message not directed towards Edward) [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 20:18, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

:Umm no. We at Legi0n really don't give two shits if you insult /cwc/. Feel free to insult it all you want. Thats not the point (a point you are avoiding btw). Point is, Pfargtl9000, you've defended known furfags on cwcki at least twice. [[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|Ed]] the sonicfag furrfag and [[User:MaxTehManyula|Max]] the pokemon fetishist furfag.

{{quote|Hi. In case you ask, I am a furry, more precisely a Pokefur. I am quite pissed that Chris is digging my fandom into a bigger hole every day.|[[User:MaxTehManyula|Max]]}}

Need I say more? Now then P, get skype and we'll talk. --[[User:VanKrause|VanKrause]] 20:29, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
:Yes, I fucking already read that before you put it up in HUEG XBOX quotes. Thing is, I don't give two shits about what he is, unlike you. And one last thing; I'm not going into Skype. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 20:34, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
Pfargtl9000's thing is that he loves to bitch and moan to the mods. He was continually trying to start drama on the cwcki because the idea of any form of fursecution makes his ass pucker. He also loves to raeg on this wiki through the use of rainbowtext and setting up his permaban template on the pages of new members that he perceives to be sock accounts with no proof whatsoever. It's rather funny that I'm able to get the cwcki staff to intimidate new users. --[[User:Dramallama|Dramallama]] 20:47, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

What do furries, or any of this, have to do with Christian Chandler? Im not even sure what we are trying to accomplish now...[[User:Leekduck|Leekduck]] 21:07, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
:Absolutly nothihg. Pfargtl9000 is just causing a lot of drama because he's a faggot. I told him me & the guys from /cwc/ would be willing to settle things with him outside of cwcki (skype), but he refuses to listen and wants to use cwcki as his shield/personal army. --[[User:VanKrause|VanKrause]] 21:21, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

:It's accomplishing nothing; this is an open-and-shut case of vandalism and flame wars. We all know Cogs' policy; she doesn't care what you do as long as you don't bring faggotry to her site. [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 21:21, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
:: Agreed. Again, I told Pfargtl9000 that we'd be willing to settle all this via skype (and outside of cwcki), but he refuses. --[[User:VanKrause|VanKrause]] 21:23, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

:::It is possible that he either doesent want skype or feels that it is too personal (voice, real name, ect.) If Pfargt thinks that the cwcki is his 'personal army' then there is probably something the cwckians could do to help if help is needed?[[User:Leekduck|Leekduck]] 21:29, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

Look here guiz, this is accomplishing nothing. We are all just arguing over internet politics right now, and we've gone WAY off topic. Pfargtl's faggotry is another issue altogether, as are furries and people's opinions of /cwc/. Right now, I just want a ceasefire in this fucking edit war so that we can go back to researching and documenting the life of a 28 year old fat man from Virginia, and preferably either one side or the other to shut up on the subject of whatever the fuck Pfargtl is doing now as well, preferrably whichever one it was that started all this bullshit. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 23:53, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

== Game Place page vandalism ==

Some dickweed keeps editing the Game Place page to claim that someone's a sex offender. Can we ban him?--[[User:Trombonista|trombonista]] 22:20, 8 July 2010 (UTC)

*From the information posted, I'd say it's relevant. Why not leave it up? [[User:ArizonaBay|ArizonaBay]] 22:56, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
**Did this guy ever interact with Chris? If the answer is no, then it's ''not'' relevant.--[[User:Trombonista|trombonista]] 22:57, 8 July 2010 (UTC)
**:Trombonista is completely right. I don't know how many times it has to get pointed out, but the CWCki is. About. Chris. Nobody else. If the guy's record relates to Chris or whatever, then that is relevant. Otherwise, purge with fire. The CWCki is nobody's personal army. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 00:21, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
***: Well why be so protective of a child molester? If someone plans to go that store or praise it as a result of the articles and confrontations between Snyder and Chris, why not let them know the facts about that store? The CWCki has tons of information regarding all the other institutions and establishments Chris has gone to. But I digress, this wiki isn't really meant to be taken seriously. After all, some of the articles like [[6_June_2010|this one]] are based on hearsay, conjecture, and a terrible misinterpretation of events. All of sudden, this all becomes srs bsns because the fact of a pedophile owning a store which children frequent is too much for you guys to handle. Take a chill pill. --[[User:Thoumad|Thoumad]] 00:43, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
:::*Except that the article you pointed out relates to Chris and in a big way. It is relevant. Also, the 'owner' of the shop probably almost never actually visits the store, just managing it financially, so it really doesn't matter at all. It's irrelevant to begin with, and it certainly does not relate to Chris. For instance, officer [[Bagget]]. Are his exploits outside of Chris there? No, except one thing he did, showing he's been decorated for bravery while Chris demonizes him. Because, guess what, his other exploits '''don't relate to Chris'''. If you are serious about getting the word out, go to ED. They'd love that. We don't care. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 01:00, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
::::* Sounds pretty defensive in response to a small fact. Why not just let it be up there as opposed to creating a massive drama the size of Chris's asshole? Besides, why would anyone take this site seriously? The staff here is pretty laughable as they overreact to small shit and threaten to dox people. It's kinda cute in a way. --[[User:Thoumad|Thoumad]] 01:10, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
:::::*Judging by the number of accounts you've created and the number of vandalism attempts you made, I'd say you take this site far more seriously than any of us.--[[User:Trombonista|trombonista]] 01:14, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
::::::*You don't realize how fun this is. I guess to each his own. Try not to get so worked up over unimportant shit and get so defensive, you'll live longer. --[[User:Thoumad|Thoumad]] 01:23, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
*I'm kind of new here so I don't know for sure, but would it be possible to protect the page? I'm sure if something needed adding to the article one of the admins could put it in. -- [[User:Lunachu|Lunachu]] 01:15, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
**[[User:Lime|Lime]] suggested that on the talk page. I agree; we definitely need to lock the Game Place page.--[[User:Trombonista|trombonista]] 01:18, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
*** I support establishing a lock. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 04:48, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
**** Me too. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 04:56, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
***** Lock that shit down.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 05:53, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
****** Plug that bitch with a maximum security vault door. --[[User:Eniggy|Eniggy]] 06:02, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
******* Don't forget the cement--[[User:Wintermute|Wintermute]] 07:27, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
******** And the police tape. ''Can't'' forget the police tape. --[[User:SniperFire16|SniperFire16 likes Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's]] 04:05, 10 July 2010 (UTC) 04:04, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
:::::::::*One step ahead of all ya'alls. Page is locked for a month, hopefully things will get settled by then. Damn, wish I thought of it sooner. Kudos to Lime for suggesting it to me, I usually don't like protecting pages but this is one of those instances where it's warranted.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 14:54, 10 July 2010 (UTC)

== CWC Sighting ==

I don't care about being a name fag or being a field agent. I have followed the Chris trolling for a while, because who could resist reading about some guy who lived in the same city as you? Though I never would have expected to run into the elusive manchild, that is, until July 4th. Every year, McIntire Park shoots off fireworks for the July 4th. Many families come out to watch, despite the decline in quality each year due to money problems. So imagine my surprise when I see the internet sensation himself. I had to do a double take to make sure. No, he wasn't wearing anything outrageous like in Friday's After 5 footage. No Sonichu medallion. I guess he really has given up on Sonichu.

I didn't stalk him the entire time he was there, but kept tabs every once in a while. He spent a lot of time near the baseball field. At one point I noticed he pulled out his DSi, with something odd attached to the front of it. It looked like a zoom lense. But do they make zoom lenses for the DSi? I thought the camera quality was already shit. He seemed to use his DSi and what I think is the zoom lense looking at the people around here, presumably women, considering the creepy person he is. A little while later I noticed he had gotten up and started to walk, to where, I don't know. Then he stopped. Now, I don't know how to make of this...I saw him scribble on something, wrap it around what I think he picked up was a rock, and threw it at this woman. I don't think it hit her, but she seemed startled. She picked up whatever he threw, opened up the paper he had written on, looked at him, and shook her head. She then turned and went on her way.

At that point, I decided to leave it at that and go back to hanging out with my friends. I didn't see him after that point. I assume he decided to change where he was sitting or people were just blocking my view, because as it got darker it got incredibly more busy. (sorry, accidentally originally posted this on an archive page) [[User:Danny|Danny]] 01:48, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
*[http://www.pcworld.com/article/166121/the_dsi_gets_a_zoom_lens.html The DSi does come with a zoom lens], apparently. Could this be the same contraption he used to take photos at the GAMe PLACe? --[[User:Xanabit|Xanabit]] 02:03, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
:Has Chris truly realized that Sonichu is creatively and financially worthless? --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 02:27, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
::Given his arrogance, probably not. He must figure that wearing the medallion must make him stick out like a sore thumb in public, and attract trolls. All changes are just from his very gradual realization that he'll have to make some cosmetic changes to attract the all elusive boyfriend-free girl. Chris is a lazy fuck, that's why he's not making comics, besides him disliking people pressuring him to actual do something, aswell as realizing his fandom is mainly nonexistent. He'll continue doing shit involving his 100% original Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon though, mainly because he gets pleasure from the power of absolute control over something. Chris's life is boring, so very boring. He can't play vidya forever. He will be back to Sonichu, and he will continue thinking it is a relevant and worthy piece of art. [[User:Ozymandias|Ozymandias]] 02:36, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

:::Woah, I think we might be getting a bit ahead of ourselves here. I'd really, really like to believe this. The thought of chris throwing a note with "Want to fuck? Y/N" (or something similiar) is hilarious, and I'm not trying to call Danny a liar. But with any sort of proof... It's a bit hard to take on face value. --[[User:Jump|Jump]] 14:07, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

:::: Wait, he's throwing rocks with messages attached to them to try to pick up women? It wouldn't surprise me, but I need more proof of this. This could be a bold new step in Chris's attraction sign usage (one that could actually injure someone). Are there any family photo albums of Mcintire park on July 4th? maybe we could find a picture of him in the crowd --[[User:SargentPickles|SargentPickles]] 14:12, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

:::: The rock throwing seems to be an improvised paper-heart-on-a-string. Still not working though. --[[User:Hellion|masta beta alum]] 20:32, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

:::::Am I cursed to see Chris everywhere now, shit. If anyone else noticed, he has some sort of paper sitting in between his legs... [http://i29.tinypic.com/esm0zk.png Picture1] [http://i28.tinypic.com/dndif9.png Picture2] [[User:Danny|Danny]] 23:42, 9 July 2010 (UTC)

::::::Thanks Danny. So she picked up the rock and looked at him, he shook his head (guessing it was a "yep, lets fuck" nod, and she just kept going? --[[User:Mp83|Mp83]] 00:13, 10 July 2010 (UTC)

:::::::Sorry, that was a typo. SHE shook her head at him. Thanks for pointing that out so I could fix it. [[User:Danny|Danny]] 00:36, 10 July 2010 (UTC)

:::::::Wait a minute... does he have multiple pokewalkers? Where did those come from? [[User:Bill Lumburg|Bill Lumburg]] 00:18, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
::::::::Heart Gold and Soul Silver each come with one, right? He probably bought both versions so he could trade with himself.--[[User:Star Platinum|Star Platinum]] 00:27, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
:::::::::But you also can see the Sonichu Pokewalker--meaning he bought a third copy as well.
::::::::::Well, we now know what he might have replaced the Sonichu medallion with. --[[User:Eniggy|Eniggy]] 01:39, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
:::::::::::...so he has two copies of one of the games? It's either that or he bought a used one from [[GameStop]]... god ''damn'', Chris.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 04:14, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
::::::::::::[[GameStop]] fag here - we don't accept PokeWalkers on trade-ins - so Chris either had to buy a PokeWalker online separately for $10, or more than likely, he spent $40 on a third copy of HG/SS because he's retarded. --[[User:Skuntank|Skuntank]] 05:50, 12 July 2010 (UTC)
Sorry for not adding more with the pictures, but I did notice that Chris had taken his DSi zoom lense(thanks for clarifying that up for me, guys) off his DSi and was using it as a telescope. He had it pressed up against his eye and was constantly watching around him with it for awhile. He also had this habit of taking off and putting on his sunglasses within seconds of each other. It seemed like he paid more attention to what was going on around him than what was happening at the concert. At one point, I noticed a girl, who looked like she was probably still in highschool, jump up on the ledge beside Chris to join a group of friends who happened to be stationed behind the manbaby. In the process, Chris turned to her and it looked like he said something to her, because immediately her facial expression changed from a legit happy one to a forced smile one. She joined up with her friends and they immediately huddled up together, whispering about something. At the same time they all looked up at Chris, and laughed. I can only imagine what he had said to the poor girl. A few moments later, one of the guys in the group picked up his cell phone and snapped a picture of Chris from behind. Maybe he's aware of who Chris is and will share his story somewhere. At that point, whether or not Chris realized they were making fun of him, he picked up his stuff and switched seating spots. I chose to take my leave at that point. [[User:Danny|Danny]] 01:05, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
:*Interesting. Chris seems to be getting a fair bit fatter judging by the rolls of fat in that first pic. He's like a land whale now. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 01:17, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
::* Holy SHIT look at how skinny his legs are in that first picture. Compare them to the woman on his right, then the fat guy on his left. It's a wonder he can even walk around. - [[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 01:53, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
:::* I'm pretty sure that's just a result of his pant cuffs being pulled tight. In picture 2, you can see he's wearing extremely baggy pants, so if he moved his legs parts, the fabric would tighten around them, giving the illusion that their very skinny. If Chris's legs were really that skinny, they would have snapped under the weight of his massive girth --[[User:SargentPickles|SargentPickles]] 03:21, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
::::*I don't know, his arms are pretty damn skinny, too. Which is amazing considering how fat he is. He has literally no triceps. I also wonder how long it'll be until he gets arrested by the jerkops for soliciting an underage girl. --[[User:Mp83|Mp83]] 04:06, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
:::::*As far as I can remember, Chris make a constant effort to include the "18-XX" comment on every attraction sign he made so far. So, no underage girls for him. Soliciting, on the other side, might be used against him the second anyone in the "Friday After Five" will wish to remove him from the area. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 04:13, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
:::::*I think this has more to do with bone structure. He was skinny back in high school. Once he went off to college, he stopped having balanced meals and started eating junk food three times a day. His fat congeals around his torso, but his limbs remained the same. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 04:36, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
::::::*He didn't go off to college, he still lived at home while at PVCC. His age caught up to his metabolism and he seems to have gotten lazier. -[[User:Mp83|Mp83]] 04:42, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
:::::::*fyi, I think his legs appear skinny in that picture because our view of them is being cut off by the wall. -[[User:Beemunk|Beemunk]] 05:11, 10 July 2010 (UTC)
:::::::* Compare the two pictures. The dirt leading up to the wall goes on pretty flat, there doesn't seem to be much of a drop. I understand he has baggy pants on, but even considering the fat's probably squished up, he must have almost zero muscle there. It must be little more than bone and the bare muscle needed to stand. In the second picture compare his forearm to his lower leg. That... That's just insanely unhealthy. -- [[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 07:36, 10 July 2010 (UTC)

Wallflower E-mails 1

2010-09-25T13:17:14Z

Kazmeyer: Undo revision 115645 by Lookingafghon (talk)

[[The Wallflower]] e-mails were attached to a message from [[Tito]]:

{{quoteboxgreen|
Subject: HELLO CUZ, I HAVE A PACKAGE FOR YOU

Been a long time since the [[PS3]] incident, brudda! I've been too busy boning a certain special someone who is mentioned in these e-mails! (wink emoticon)

I hope you don't mind me forgetting about these e-mails, cuz! I'm trying to protect her so some things are censored, brudda. As you know, she is still furious at him. I always say "you too nice, cuz" but I loved the last bit she did.

As the Ancient Hawaiians used to say:

"The sands of time will make even the eternal coconut fade away."

P.S. vegemite is good}}

{{quoteboxred|Hey, so you wanted to see my websites? Well, here are the links.

1. <CENSORED>

2. <CENSORED>

3. <CENSORED>

4. <CENSORED>

Also, my yahoo messenger is <CENSORED>.
Have fun looking around. }}

{{quotebox|Hey, <CENSORED>. :) I have read some of your work, and I am enjoying your writing style; you have a great imagination and you are very creative. I may have missed it during our last talk, but how did you think of <CENSORED> for a pen name?

Anyway, other things on my mind. I have read from you <CENSORED> bio page that you are about non-stop on listening to [[music]]; that is cool. My father has raised me on a variety of jazz, classic, country, "jugs, kazoos and washboards" music and others. I like all kinds of music, as long as it has a good beat and the lyrics are comprehensible. Mostly I listen to Pop and Lite Rock, but I do occasionally enjoy the classics. My favorite artists are [[Britney Spears]] and the Backstreet Boys (I like a lot of others as well, but the list would take me a while to type, and I have like way over 1,000 tracks on my Playstation 3 HDD.

Mostly, I enjoy drawing, writing and playing [[video games]], but I do get out often for good exercise, plus some more exercise playing [[Guitar Hero]] (I stand to play; it is a great way to go wild in a rockin' way). As you know, I update my [[CWCipedia]] most daily with at least answering my letters in the [[mailbag]], rather or not I upload a new page or two to my [[comic]] pages. (Just a reminder, ignore all the current ads, especially the oversized ones that occupy the top space of every page; this guy, [[Mao]], of his copycat website called the [[Asperpedia]] have bought out the previous person who had control of the adspace. Now he is abusing me with cheap shots at things that irritate me; people can be so cruel and vicious) I am working on finding someone locally in [[C-Ville]] who has a piece of citizenship within Europe who can buy out the adspace and all that. I'm hoping I can get someone like the [[Coca Cola]] company or even a videogame company like Rockstar or something to help me out there. The hateful letters I get are minuscule compared to having to cope with the oversized cheap-shot taunts from that S.O.B. of Asperpedia.

*sigh* But I digress. You can still enjoy the comic pages I have drawn from my Book 0 to the latest page in 10.

I mentioned a book to you earlier, "The Giver"; the author is Lois Lowry, and I highly recommend it. I quote the preview on my copy of the book's back, "Jonas's world is perfect. Everything is under control. There is no war or fear or pain. There are no choices. Every person is assigned a role in the Community. When Jonas turns twelve he is singled out to received special train from The Giver. The Giver alone holds the memories of the true pain and pleasure of life. Now it's time for Jonas to receive the truth. There is no turning back." Lois received the "John Newbery [[Medal]]" for this book and another she wrote.

To learn more about each other, let's learn some basics; I'll ask you a question, to respond in your reply or phone/IM conversation, and I give you my answer right after each question. -What is your favorite color? Mine is Blue. -Do you have a favorite Ice Cream flavor? I like Mint/Chocolate Chip. -What are some of your other hobbies that haven't been shared yet? I also enjoy building with [[Lego]] bricks and pieces, I collected Transformers and other toys, and doing chores around the house. -Do you currently go to, or have already completed, College? I went to [[Pidemont Virginia Community College]] for a few years and earned a Degree and a Certificate in Computer Aided Drafting and Design ([[CADD]]). -What is your favorite food to eat? Mine is Macaroni & Cheese. -What is your choice Pizza Topping? I go for Spinach and Mushroom, although I have also enjoyed Eggplant. I'll come up with more as time goes by. :)

I'll wrap it up for now, but I will call you tonight at about 7:30; I hope to talk to you some more. :) Your laughter and voice sweetly thrills my mind like robins twittering their song after the sunrise.

Stay Safe, 
Christian C.}}

{{quoteboxred|1. well, for one thing, I had the name <CENSORED> for at least three years. I saw it in a fanfiction I read about 3 years ago, and I really liked it, so I kept it for myself ( I guess I can't really claim it). Yeah, I liked Backstreet Boys, but that was during high school, I still listen to them occasionally. I don't like most kinds of music, especially country. But I also like soundtracks (from the movies I've seen), songs or scores, doesn't matter. 
2. Thanks, I like my writing style too. Like I said, I've been writing since 8th grade and haven't stopped. So I guess when you looked at my bio at <CENSORED>, you probably know my hobbies, ,movies, music, and shows. I guess I haven't updated on my shows in awhile, since Sanctuary isn't on the list. By the way, you can watch season 2 on [[Youtube]]. I've been watching those to catch up on the season. 
3. to answer questions: my fav color(s) is red, black, emerald, & turqouise (i hate that word, spelling it I mean), I like mint chocolate chip too (but it has to be green), I also like dove bars and nutty buddy (I used to eat those at school too). For my other hobbies, I love studying/reading about owls. I have three good books about them. I didn't go to college, but I did take a course on computers (that sucked) at [[PVCC]]. I think I just like working, and having my four days off. Hmm, thats hard. I really like spaghetti with just butter, orville microwave popcorn (my dad also makes really good popcorn), and I love seafood (shellfish, catfish), definitely prime ribs ( i grew up on those), and of course I love Japanese food (shrimp tempura and smoked eel sushi). Mostly I like cheese and black olives (not the expensive kind), but at TipTop, I love gyro meat and mushroom.
I also love watching my anime from time to time.}}

{{quotebox|I agree with you on the Ice Cream; I have tried both the Green and the White M.C.C.s, and I liked the Green better. In fact, when I first tried the flavor, it was Green. Gyro Meat, and I have had Gyro Sandwiches before, is a bit of steak, so Steak and Mushrooms are your choice, cool. I hear you on the spelling of turquoise, it's like you have to have a spell-checker for it, OR have one of Crayola's thick markers or original crayon and read the word from the side. :-D But it does seem we both are on the blue-side, since emerald and turquoise are shades of green, which is made of blue and yellow. I have not tried Dove candy bars, but my family and I like Nutty Buddy bars.

My personal experience at PVCC could have been better; it sucked for me too. Mostly because I didn't have too many friends there, and that was where my [[Sweetheart Search]] had started at (which you'll read about a bit in my [[Sub-Episodes]] of my comics). The [[Slaweel Ryam]] character was originally based of of [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the "Dean of Student Services". I have some troubles with authority awareness; Unless it is as high as a President, Principle, or the [[Police]] People in Blue/Black or something like that, if they get on my nerves, I gave little regard and look down upon them. I am better on that nowadays. In a nutshell, in my early days of my Search, I had a [[sign]] next to me (later learning from my [[mother]] that it made me look [[retarded]]) letting the ladies know I was single (I was way more shy back then, even to speak), and Mary came to me, grabbed my sign and ripped it up right in front of me... it shattered my [[heart]]. So I took it out creatively by making her a major villain in my books. I forgave her about [[October 2009|October of 2009]], and I drew and framed (with a nice frame I bought from a Goodwill) an apology drawing/note; she responded to me with a Trespassing Notice, which was snail-mailed to me a couple of days later. My family and I did not accept it, and we fought it for a little while. Slaweel and I are to have our final battle, put her in jail and remove her as a major villain in the 10th book I'm working on now. [[Count Graduon]] will be the Major Villain beyond then, possessing the[[ Metal Sonichu]] that crashed on the moon back in [[Sonichu 1|Book 1]].

Do you keep with current events locally as well? I do sometimes. I've followed the story of the search for Morgan Dana Harrington; I never met her, and I was not at the Metallica concert, but I just could not ignore it. I paid my respects an early Sunday last December at the push-pin board on the bridge by the J.P.J. and left a note saying that she has a lot of people worrying about her and that she come back home safely, with a little [[Sonichu]]/[[Rosechu]] drawing on that note. I wonder how it stood the test of time over the weather; I plan on checking it the next time I'm there. It saddened me a bit on how they found her dead in a hayfield on the farm, but at least we don't have to question her condition anymore. Also, I showed my respect for the Haiti victims with a drawing on the Cwcipedia, and I read this morning in the Washington Post about how a little girl miraculously survived for 15 days under steel and concrete rubble. Most of the time, I don't pay attention to most news topics due to bad news or that it can confuse me. I am no Stock Market expert. :-D

I have more drawing and coloring to do today, so I'll wrap it up for now. Also, I was thinking about inviting you to some hang-out time, and maybe dinner, one day next week. I can pick you up at the wellness center after you finish work, or meet you at [[Fashion Square]] or Downtown Mall, and we'll share a nice afternoon together. My treat on all edibles. I was thinking next Wednesday, Thursday or Friday. How do you feel about that?

Stay Safe, 
Christian C.}}

{{quoteboxred|That actually sounds nice. Wednesday would be good, but we have to be back before nine for the Ghost Hunters of course. I guess I haven't mention to you yet, but I love getting emails, its like a treat. Do you like Mexican? I have a favorite resturaunt (i hate that word too) I like to go to. It's also cheap. Usually less then 30 bucks, though depends what you order, I guess. By the way, just to be honest, and I like mentioned to you on that Friday, I'm not totally ready to be in a relationship yet. Definitely friends. I'm not the romantic type. I devote my time with work and stories. Lol, sometimes my friends try to force me out of the house. Just to get me some fresh air, and out of my chair, and away from my 'prescious' laptop. 
Yeah, I don't follow the news or local ones, unless it delts with my fav music group (like the CW coming to CVille). Oh, you asked me if I have a [[religion]]. Well, I don't really, but I worship the Ghost Hunters ([[Ghostbusters|does that count?]]). Anyway, I updated my <CENSORED> account, finally mentioning that I love Sanctuary and most of its characters. And I'm about to update one of my stories, called Penance. Its on that Ghost Hunters/Sanctuary site I created. Anyway, there's a story you might like, that I wrote. It has two characters from Celtic Thunder and a couple of original characters. I'll email you that story if you want.}}

{{quotebox|No problem, I'll have you back home before 9:00. So, I can assume I'm picking you up from work, yes? I will be there shortly before 3:30. I won't force you, but I'd like to keep the option for a relationship with you open for when you feel ready, but please let me know when you do feel the love. I am a patient man. I do like mexican. By 30 bucks, would that be per couple or per person; either way, I can afford that.

Comically, I don't most churches would count Ghost Hunters a religion. LOL. My least favorite word of ALL time is "[[naive]]", NOT because of how it is spelt, but it questions and belittles ones intelligence and experience. I am well-experienced and knowledgeable in a lot of things.

Not much else on my mind right now, it blanked out on me; I hate it when it does that.

I'll call you later. 
Stay Safe, 
Christian C.}}

{{quotebox|An update for our night at the Celtic Women concert; I understand it will be at 8:00, so let's plan our meet at the Barrack's Road Taco Bell at 6:30-7:00 that night. I'll treat you to dinner then if you wish. Also, my mother wishes to tag along to meet you and your parental escort and to keep hold of my car. She and my dad have advised that since the Taco Bell is within walking distance, you and I can walk over to the J.P.J. Arena from there. Post-Concert is currently undetermined, but can be discussed and decided at the T.B. before you and I walk there. Optionally, you and I can walk back to T.B. and I can drive you back to your house; my mom in my car, or your parent in their car, can pick us up at the J.P.J. Still, it's less than a month away; plenty of time to make final decisions and agreements.

:-) 
Christian C.}}

{{quoteboxred|Hey, so I hope you don't mind, but I mentioned the concert to one of my co-workers, and she was really excited. I really hope this won't offend you in anyway, and I hope we can still be friends. But I would much rather be going with her, since I've known her longer (3 & a 1/2 years). Plus, she's taking me to Rhode Island this May for a week, so consider it like I owe her for that. Also, she absolutely loves Celtic music. 
But don't worry, I still want to hang out on Wednesday or Friday. 
Can you forgive me? Hopefully there might be another oppurtunity.}}

{{quotebox|I hope you got my voicemail I left you the other night. BTW, Saturdays are my British Comedy Night, and I had the new bunch of Fox animation tonight to watch. Anyway, I am still looking forward to taking you out on Wednesday. A couple of details to check with: the <CENSORED> is on <CENSORED>, right? And what's the name of the Mexican restaurant I'm taking you to? Also, before the restaurant, I plan on taking you to either the Downtown Mall or Fashion Square for our walk-and-talk hang-out; which location would you prefer. And after checking this week's "Hook", I will end the time with some good tunes. Don't worry, I promise to get you home before 9:00.

I'll TTYL; again, no hard feelings on the Concert plans; still feel a bit crestfallen though.

Stay Safe, 
Christian C.}}

{{quoteboxred|Thanks for understanding. I was getting slightly worried for a moment, cause of the change in plans. Yes, the address is correct. Um, I think from the weather's pov, fashion square would be better. and for my favorite mexican resaurant is El Puerto, and I know exactly where that is. 
Oh, fair warning, I usually take a nap around 4:30, so if I seem tired and slightly grumpy. don't hold it against you. It's just the way I function. BTW, I so cannot wait, I only have one week to wait until Celtic Thunder comes out with their new cd, Its Entertainment. I am so excited (is jumping up and down)}}

{{quotebox|I hope y'all are keeping warm and safe; we're snowed in here for the while. My dad estimates we might not be out and about again until tuesday or thursday; at least I'll shoot to shovel on monday.

I watched the Tasmanian supreme court house investigation on G.H.I.; I thought it was neat how even though they found little about them, the hands popped up for everyone else. And the fireflies in the castle answered a lot of mysteries there.

I was thinking, after this batch of snow, perhaps the week after the 14th, I would pick you up again and treat you to a gyro pizza at the Tip Top on Pantops, and maybe a movie (at a theater or your place; if your place, I'll rent a sci-fi flick and bring it over).

I'll call you tonight for a chat. Keep safe and warm, 
Christian C.}}

{{quoteboxred|Hey Chris, 
So about Wednesday, I think there might be a little too much going on. Cause I'm going to the concert and dinner with my co-worker, Kris. (Depends on the weather too) And that's like going out to dinner three times. Next week might be a little better. Plus, I'm hoping to go see The Lightning Thief again tomorrow with my best friends. 
Anyway, I'll talk later. :)}}

{{quotebox|That's okay. I have been working very hard on getting my car out; it's still stuck at the moment, so I was going to ask you to postpone the Tip Top lunch to next week anyway. It's cool. At least you got to enjoy the movie anyway. I'll keep an eye open for other movies or things to do. Actually, I've just had an idea; since we'll be having the next Young Adult Social Group meeting Friday of next week, how about I pick you up from work, we go to the Tip Top, then I drive us to the Key Center for the meet, and I can drive you home after. I'll bring my [[PSP]] with the memory stick of my photos and show you a bunch of them.

I'll call you later; Stay safe. 
Thinking of you, 
Christian C.}}

{{quotebox|I watched the new G.H.I. last night. I liked it; they actually found a lot of good spirits, including the girl on the steps.

Anyway, It's been a while since we last chatted over the phone. I know you have the Celtic Women concert tomorrow night, and you've enjoyed the Lightning Thief, and I'm still waiting confirmation from you on next Friday. Are we cool on me picking you up, taking you to Tip Top and the Y.A.S.G. meeting and taking you back home?

Also, I am looking forward to telling you more stories and showing you my collection of photos and pics. And I'm curious, what is your life [[dream]](s)? In a nutshell, I had the dreams of being married to my woman [[sweetheart]], and having and being a father of a daughter; her name will be [[Crystal Weston Chandler]]. Also, while I'm currently strong as an artist, I also have dreamt of me having an office job; I am uncertain of the company/corporation.

Also, lately, I have been feeling nestolgic for the days I attended the [[Pok'emon]] [[TCG]] League. For years, I went to the League hosted at [[The (Game & Hobby) Place]]. It was good, and I helped out a lot being Vice-Gym Leader, maintaining peace, putting together strong decks from scratch for new young players and all the good volunteer work. The Leader was a Physics Teacher at the local C-Ville High School, you may know him, Tony Wayne. He was a good [[family guy]]. Last I heard, he gave that up and passed the G.L. torch to someone else.

Anyway, for some easons, the "store manager", [[Mike]], hated me. And in June of [[2008]], he [[banned]] me from the store for good-like. Unwritten Trespassing Notice and all. I didn't care much for Mike either; it really hurt me, what he did to me there, and I still feel a bit of old anger against him. Hopefully, though, by now he's either moved on or replaced at the store.

Those were good times over the years. Anyhoo, I lately was considering starting up my own Poke'mon TCG League at another store in C-Ville. I have found information on how on pokemon.com. I am undecided on that, and where I could host it, at the moment.

Aside from my life, I am interested in listening to more of yours too.

I will TTYL; give my humble regards to your family.

Stay Safe, 
Christian C.}}

{{quotebox|I'm just checkin' in. I'm sure you and your family have been keeping safe and warm. If you made it to work at the C.W.C. today, I hope you had a good work day.

I watched the marathon of "Ghost Hunters" season 5 episodes yesterday, starting from the one guest-investigating Meat Loaf. I really enjoyed watching the debunking and spook-findings. It was fascinating, yet spooky, how M.L.'s water bottle went from the windowsill to the toilet back. Fort Henry and the Hindenberg's Harbor 1 had quite a few spooks in themselves. I also was intrigued on the Rocky Mountain house, with the bloody walls that turned out to be a plumbing fixer-upper and a young Hyancith entertaining a couple of customers.

Also, I have a question that your vast G.H. knowledge can answer. The first ever G.H. episode I watched on SyFy was one with two investigations; I vaguely remember the episode. All I can remember of it was the second investigation was at a restaurant/hotel in a U.S. state (the building was vintage and red), and one of the spooks was in an upstairs bathtub where the women who were bathing felt like they were constantly being watched. I know they had one of their girls with them on the case, one of the Krises or Amy, who personally emped the tub. I only saw the episode once, and I have searched on the [[PSN|Playstation Store]] for the episode, but their descriptions can be made easier to understand. Do you remember which season/episode is the one I'm describing?

Also my PC went down last Saturday (I think I've said that, but I'm unsure) after the 40 minute power failure. I have finally managed to get it fully operational again, so I'll be updating my Cwcipedia today with Mailbag answerings and new Character Bio Pages.

Also, I have shoveled a lot of snow yesterday and today. I have shoveled a path from my front door to my dad's car's Driver-Side door. I'll be doing some more today and tomorrow. Probably Thursday and Friday as well, since I've heard from 95.1 that there is a forecast of 2 inches more of snow accumilation up till Thursday, followed by Warmer days and Sunshine. I pray [[God and Jesus]] will give us Warmest days to melt the snow quickly, because I am tired of all this snow. I'm not "Mr. Plow" ([[The Simpsons|Homer Simpson]] was Mr. Plow. LOL).

I'm going to go shovel some more, so I'll wrap it up for now, and I look forward to your reply. ;)

Stay Safe, 
Christian C.}}

{{quoteboxred|Hey, 
Yes, The Lightning Thief was excellent for the second time; Logan is just too cute/hot. I also watched his other movie, Hoot. I just got into the book, and let me tell you, I get so sucked into it. I'm started to enjoy reading it from Percy's pov (then again I'm picturing him as Logan ). I can't tell you which is better, the book or the movie; because they're both excellent, in my opinion anyway. 
I guess Dustin decided to take a break from ghost hunting; I guess I can't blame him. Lol. 
I actually have two lifetime goals. I've always wanted to be an author (getting there) and to be an owl biologist. I guess you would expect something like that from me. Both since eigth and ninth grade (or whenever HP came out). 
~Anyway, cheers. Totally excited for the concert.}}

[[Category:E-mails]]

Monthly tugboat

2010-09-25T06:12:26Z

Kazmeyer:

{{taxpayermoney}}

{{quote|Yet AGAIN I am waiting for my next tugboat from my Social before I can even pay a Website to Host me and grant me a better .com domain name than [[sonichu.com]]|Chris to [[Miyamoto]], complaining about how long his free money is taking}}

[[Image:Monthly_Tugboat.jpg|thumb|right|What Chris believes a monthly tugboat is. Your tax dollars at work, gentlemen.]]

The '''monthly tugboat''' is [[Chris]]'s euphemism for his [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|Social Security Disability Insurance]] check. Essentially, the United States government has a taxpayer-funded program to financially support disabled individuals whose injuries or ailments leave them unable to work.

Chris receives [[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg|$809 each month, with $565 going to his parents for room, board, and to pay toward his credit card debt.]] The rest of it generally goes towards [[List of Chris's video games|video games]] or [[sex toys|straight up his ass]]. However, $244 per month (about $8 per day) is nowhere near enough to satisfy Chris's need for games, porn, [[PlayStation Network]] downloads, a constant supply of Chicken McNuggets, gallons of [[Coke]], and, since the summer of 2009, [[alcohol]]. As of [[January 2010]], he owed roughly $3,500 in credit-card debt, some on cards of his own and some on cards he stole from his parents. Indeed, according to one of his [[:File:StatementforViv01,2010.jpg|bank]] [[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg|statements]], at the end of one month he had less than three dollars left in his account. Even more, just by straight spending and no other extra income, he put himself $452.57 USD ''in the red''.

Challenged by a correspondent in the [[Mailbag 34|Mailbag]], Chris claimed that he is not wasting his taxpayer-funded "tugboat", because he is putting that money back into the economy and indirectly paying the tugboats of others. According to Chris's [[Chris and reality|logic]], by purchasing useless commercial goods, he is paying sales tax which the government puts directly back into the hands of the needy. This is a tremendous leap of faulty rationalization, even for Chris, and he fails to elaborate on his shaky economic theories in any detail. If you thought he didn't understand money before, [[Chris and Money|you ain't seen nothing yet]].

[[Image:Autism-costs.jpg|thumb|left|[http://www.autisticchild.org/autism-statistics This is true]]]

On the advice of his [[Bob Chandler|father]], Chris doesn't get a job, supposedly because the tugboat gives him more money overall. However, Bob is totally wrong. At the time of this writing, minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25, pursuant to federal minimum wage. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180° on his life, get off welfare, and begin working a full 40-hour week, his monthly income before taxes and his rent payment would be approximately $1,260 USD. This would put Chris's annual income range, before tax, at roughly $15,100. Subtracting what he pays his parents to live in filth monthly, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $9,000 in ''spending'' money, enough for many more sex toys and video games. Contrast this with the $4,200 Chris pulls annually from the government after paying off his parents (roughly equal to what he's spent in total so far on his PS3).

Even if this weren't enough, the most cursory research reveals that an SSDI recipient could have earned from $700 dollars a month in the year 2000, when Chris was 18, to $1,000 dollars a month in 2010 without losing a cent of their SSDI income.<ref>http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/COLA/sga.html</ref> It's clear that Bob's decision to encourage Chris's unemployment comes from negligent ignorance, blind delusion, or the knowledge that his son is a total [[fail]]ure who can bring nothing but shame on himself and his family. He's caused Chris to miss out on over $100,000 in potential earnings through the end of 2010, which could buy a lot of [[Muscle bra|bras]], [[Sex toys|fake pussies]], [[Flipnote Hatena|children's toys]], and [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|Lego-covered PS3 accessories]].

If Bob's motivation comes from the reasonable realization that Chris could never survive in an real-world workplace environment, of course, one wonders why [[Fridays After Five|he keeps unleashing him to run amok on an unsuspecting public]].

In the [[Father Call|father call]], Chris claims that his disability check is "a stepping-stone in the right direction of [him] moving out". Clearly, Chris doesn't believe wasting his disability check on video games and porn will somehow aid in his moving out. He is well aware that he will inherit his family's home and that he will never need to work, and he plans to do both. In other words, Chris plans to keep getting his tugboat for the rest of his life.

Rough calculations and estimations say that if Chris lives into his eighties, given reasonable "cost of living" increases to his tugboat annually, he will receive roughly $900,000 to $1,000,000 over his lifetime (In this day and age however, that's chump change and he'd amass a larger fortune if he simply got off his ass and got a career). However, it's [[Chris and Health|extremely unlikely]] that his fat ass will live anywhere near that long.

==References by Chris==
*The earliest known use of the term "monthly tugboat" comes in Chris's first e-mail to his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]], from March 2007. When introducing himself, Chris says, "I'm getting by livin' with my folks and a monthly tugboat." He does not actually explain what a "monthly tugboat" is supposed to be.
*An [[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Adam_Stackhouse_wins.2C_Chris_is_a_horrible_cheater_and_likes_Megan_.22so_much.22|e-mail to Megan]] from August 2007 recounts Chris's purchase of [[Guitar Hero]] with his latest tugboat check.
*During the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris claimed he was waiting for his tugboat (in an e-mail to "Miyamoto" himself, no less) to fix technical problems with his website.
*In [[Mumble 1]], Chris mentions that he'll have to wait for his next tugboat to buy some new content for ''Ape Escape'' on the PSP.
*In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 4]], Chris tells [[Julie]] that he can't make it to Ohio until his next tugboat comes in.
*The later months of 2009 and afterwards have seen Chris largely give up using the term "tugboat," possibly because of its extensive adoption by trolls in the Mumble chats, the [[Mailbag]], and elsewhere. In the [[Father Call]] he refers to it as his "monthly income," while in the [[Jackie e-mails]] he simply says he's on Social Security, although he did refer to it once as a "tugboat" in [[Mailbag 34]].

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Autism]]
* [[Chris and money]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Talk:Monthly tugboat

2010-09-25T02:59:41Z

Kazmeyer: /* Can someone explain this to me in Chris's terms? */

Talk:Monthly tugboat

2010-09-25T02:58:30Z

Kazmeyer: /* Can someone explain this to me in Chris's terms? */

==To do==
*Chris's references to his monthly tugboat (see Smithey e-mails and Miyamoto e-mails).

----

Random Thought: Since Chris gets paid from welfare out of our pockets, are we not paying for him entertaining us? It seems like a fair exchange for me. If anything, Chris should be thanking us (and everyone else who is an USAfag and pays taxes) for keeping him and his creepy obsessions alive. Since I have to pay for him, I want to get every cent worth from this lolcow. --[[User:Wild Sonichu|Wild Sonichu]] 04:33, 12 May 2009 (CEST)

==Disambiguation==
'Monthly Tugboat' shoud just contain the definition and the times he's used the word, we shoud create another page titled 'Chris and Money' --[[User:Robotnik|Robotnik]] 01:38, 20 May 2009 (CEST)

I liek both the above ideas. --[[User:Jump|Jump]] 17:22, 30 May 2009 (CEST)

==$800,$750?==

I've noticed that some pages say that his tugboat is $750 and others saying that it's $800. Does anyone have evidence to show which value it is?([[User:Drlugae|Drlugae]] 19:25, 21 July 2009 (CEST))
*The thing is, Chris has said about three different values. I believe he's said "$800" so let's try and find a citation for that. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:48, 21 July 2009 (CEST)
*The tugboat rises in value each year so long as cost of living increases, so it's definitely over $800. $750 might be an old number from a few years back. [[User:Elephant|Elephant]] 17:06, 4 April 2010 (UTC)

==State or federal?==
Is the welfare program chris leeches off of paid for by all taxpayers or just the ones in virginia? [[User:V3N0M1300|V3N0M1300]] 21:18, 28 September 2009 (CEST)
*It's social security. So it's federal. And it is somehow arranged through Bob's SSN. Details as to how this works exactly are fuzzy. But it isn't typical state welfare. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 22:01, 28 September 2009 (CEST)
:*It needs to be reiterated that this is not a welfare check but a disability check. It is a form of government welfare, but it is not welfare in a "you don't need to work" sort of way but that he has managed to establish he has a disability (namely autism) that prevents him from maintaining or keeping work. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:29, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

== On Advice of Bob? ==

Is there a source of where this came from? If it came from Chris I feel it may be a point to make that this may be Chris' point of view on the matter and may not reflect the truth. --[[User:El Presidente|El Presidente]] 12:14, 3 November 2009 (CET)

== This is bullshit ==

NOT. A. FORUM. --[[User:Cogsdev|Cogsdev]] 11:14, 4 September 2010 (PDT)
: Sorry for asking here, but since the PVCC is private, where can we go to talk about the BS about Chris spending our money on his stuff at? -- [[User:Ashki|Ashki]]
:: There may still be a /cwc/ board on 789chan. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 02:22, 23 September 2010 (PDT)

== Can someone explain this to me in Chris's terms? ==

"Even if this weren't enough, the most cursory research reveals that an SSDI recipient could have earned from $700 dollars a month in the year 2000, when Chris was 18, to $1000 dollars a month in 2010 without losing a cent of their SSDI income."

I'm not entirely sure how this works. Exactly, what did Bob do to screw Chris over? --[[User:AntonImaus|AntonImaus]] 00:18, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
: Whether Bob "screwed Chris over" is kind of a matter of perspective, but it works like this. If an SSDI beneficiary works a real job and makes enough money, they will receive reduced benefits according to how much actual income they earn. However, there's a threshold that has to be reached before that reduction starts happening, which is what that quote describes. Chris could get a job and earn as much as a grand a month before the government started docking his monthly SSDI check (and he'd have to earn a lot more than that before they stopped giving him any SSDI money at all). So the argument would be that Bob has misled Chris to his detriment by convincing him that if he works, he won't make as much money as he brings in just by waiting for his SSDI checks. The counter-argument would be that Bob still has two brain cells to rub together and knows that sending Chris into the workforce would just mean eventually having to deal with another court date. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 02:40, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
::Alright, I should know how this works but it seems more clear now. Thanks. --[[User:AntonImaus|AntonImaus]] 19:06, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

:::Chris gets around $9000/year from the gov't. Half of that goes towards "room & board" or something which like money the gov't would give to a mental institution or your caretakers. The rest is to pay for your living expenses including entertainment -- the gov't doesn't give a shit if you go see a movie or two on their dime. In theory they want you to be able to earn money on SSI, but if Chris did find and keep a job, even if it's washing dishes at Denny's, that could prove that his autism doesn't disable him hard enough to get free money. If he can work at a job then he's not disabled, and the tugboat goes away probably forever. Most of the money Chris has under his control gets spent on entertainment, because his parents still buy most or all of his food and gas. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 02:31, 23 September 2010 (PDT)
::::Chris getting a job wouldn't end the tugboat; it's meant to supplement a low-paying job (as that's all Chris will ever be able to hold down) and provide a living wage. The disability payment is based on his autism, not on some judgment of how much he can or can't work. As noted above, his payments would only start to decrease once he started making over $12k a year. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 06:06, 23 September 2010 (PDT)
:::::SSI is only paid if your mental illness is so bad that you can't keep a job. It's fairly easy to lose SSI. This is like when people get disability insurance payments for a back injury and are caught lifting heavy shit. $12k a year is $8/hr for 30/hrs a week, btw. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 12:25, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
::::::Specifically, you get SSDI if you can't do "substantial work," whatever that means. I'm not sure it means just the same thing as the $x/month. --[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 18:48, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
:::::::There's a substantial difference between SSI (payments only to the disabled, end if you can work) and SSDI (payments to the disabled to supplement work income). Chris gets SSDI, he does not get SSI. (SSDI requires Social Security work credits, which is why Bob's work history was involved; SSI is paid out of the general revenues.) [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 19:58, 24 September 2010 (PDT)

:I'm the one who wrote that. I know because I'm basically Chris. As SSDI was explained to me by a Social Security worker when I applied for it, you can make only up to a certain amount of money a month, after which you lose 100% of your benefits either immediately or after some sort of review process. This action is binary; there is no gradient similar to the $1 you lose for every $2 you make while getting SS retirement benefits. That amount changes yearly according to a certain, proscribed plan, I'm sure to adjust for inflation and shit. In 2010, the amount is $1000, i.e. person on SSDI—i.e. Chris—could contribute to society an amount of work a month worth $1000 without being penalized in the slightest, but Chris's dad, being an ignorant, self-important hick who holds some idiotic, arbitrary, long-dated sense of "honor" or God-knows what above any natural sense of decency, i.e. a Southerner, apparently convinced Chris not to bother. --[[User:Thepicklesuitintheman|Thepicklesuitintheman]] 18:43, 24 September 2010 (PDT)
::I think, as has been speculated, Bob discouraged Chris from working in order to keep him out of trouble. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 19:58, 24 September 2010 (PDT)

Talk:Monthly tugboat

2010-09-23T13:06:25Z

Kazmeyer: /* Can someone explain this to me in Chris's terms? */

Chris and money

2010-05-03T12:37:41Z

Kazmeyer: Morbo says: CREDIT CARDS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY

It's obvious that [[Chris]] himself has no grasp on the real value of '''money''', since he actively wastes as much of his [[monthly tugboat]] as possible on luxuries like [[Eye of Judgement|trading cards]], [[Officer Nasty|sex toys]], [[Duck|porn]], [[PS3|video games]], and, more recently, [[alcohol]]. He also once, when giving out the laws of [[CWCville]], equated 10 years in prison to a $1,500 fine.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> He also equated 50 hours of community service to $500 (for any sexual violations).<ref>[[Mailbag_31#Magi-Chan_knows_when_you_fuck]]</ref>

Chris is a self-admitted impulse buyer. His [[PSN]] account shows that he's never played more than half of the games he's bought. And yet, astoundingly, he's still gone out of his way to buy ''all'' available downloadable content for ''every'' PS3 game that he's ever purchased, and he also further promoted his Sony fanboyism by later buying a Sony LCD HDTV for his bedroom which likely cost at least about $1,000-$1,500. All the while, Chris buys his [[Chris and fashion|clothes]] at second-hand discount thrift stores.

==But wait, Chris isn't employed! ==

Chris is what most would call a welfare leech. Chris's only source of income is the $800 [[monthly tugboat|"tugboat"]] that he receives from the federal government every month, placing his annual income at $9,600 a year. Chris's parents take $450 to pay for room and board.<ref>Miyamoto Saga</ref> In addition, Chris and his family get [[Wikipedia:Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program|SNAP]] money every month- more commonly known as food stamps.

{{quote|My father helped me get my Social Security set up; I get more a month than I could at a job. |Chris, completely deluded.}}

Chris has repeatedly stated that Bob encourages him not to bother with a job, as it would void his Social Security status. Bob's encouragement indicates one of two things: he knows his son is an incapable [[fail]]ure (after watching Chris's disastrous employment at [[Wendy's]]), or he's instructing Chris on being a parasite.

Chris strongly believes that by receiving and spending his tugboat on useless shit he is aiding the economy and paying for the tugboat of others.<ref>[[Mailbag 34]]</ref> This is complete dumbassery since sales tax goes to the state government and these "tugboats" are paid with federal payroll tax. Apparently, this is too complex for Chris's autistic mind. Where Chris is hiding the printing press to afford this discretionary spending is unknown.

Interestingly enough, while he has no clue how to handle money, Chris has an unhealthy [[Ego|fixation]] on his material possessions. In [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]], he stated that he did not want to sell any of his stuff; and in the [[Miyamoto Saga]], he refused to sell anything to help raise money for the trip to Redmond.

==Credit cards==
As surprising as it is that Chris has his own credit cards, it is equally unsurprising how unwisely he uses them. Chris has managed to rack up $2,000 worth of debt (according to [[Mumble 4]], 1000 of which comes from the PSN store, but this number has increased over the past few weeks) and has even stolen his parents' credit cards to use when his were maxed out. Being the greedy twat that he is, when Chris finally does make payments towards his debts, he always does so in the smallest installments possible, freeing himself to spend as much as he has (or more) on worthless shit, entirely oblivious to the fact that he's only increasing his debt by letting interest charges rack up. Economists are currently working on the theory that it is Chris's debts, not the collapse of financial institutions, which have caused the current global financial crisis.

==In the comic==
In [[Sonichu (comic)|the comic]] it is clear Chris has no idea how money works. [[Sonichu]], [[Rosechu]], [[Patti-Chan]], and most likely, all of the other characters live off welfare, just like Chris IRL. He seems to have no concept of tax, or that it's the American populace who pay for his [[Kimmi|bullshit]]. Sonichu and Rosechu are living in a two story house with an attic offered by the city and they are [[Mailbag 21#Home economics|"paid" in average]] of $3,500 a month just to hang around.

This, along with what else we know about [[CWCville]], could mean that Chris is a communist, or at the very least, a socialist. Of course, he's most likely too much of a retard to actually know what that means.

In [[Sonichu 9|Episode 19]], it's shown that CWCVille actually uses its own currency, in the form of C Quarters, W Quarters, and C Quarters. 10 C Quarters make up a W Quarter, and 10 W Quarters make up a C Quarter. Don't bother asking how that makes sense in any way, especially considering what the word "quarter" means.

==In other works==
Chris shows us his complete misunderstanding of the stress his ideas would put on the American Social Security system if he was left in charge of it in a text called "[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]." This is where the idea of "Soup Hotels" came from.

{{quote|Even the homeless have a place to stay in the ten Soup Kitchens/Hotels. |Chris with a very bad idea...}}

So, what is a "Soup Hotel"? Chris describe it in the [[Mailbag 20]] as a building ten stories tall with 10 to 20 rooms per floor, equipped with single bathrooms, bed, lighting and Cable TV. Of course, the homeless will stay there for free. So, instead of building Homeless shelters with dormitories, commons rooms and shared TV sets, Chris think the homeless should be treated to all the comforts of a ''bona fide'' hotel. This means that, in CWCville, there're around 1000-2000 homeless people left outside. This might be the result of the local industry, chocked by heavy taxes needed to pay those social expenses, are unable to make a profit there and are moving away.

In [[Sonichu 10]], [[Ultra Sonichu]] and bevy of Rosechus stop at a soup hotel. The building is labeled Soup Hotel 17, implying that CWCville has had to open 7 new homeless shelters in the span of a month, or they're just bad at numbering the things.

In [[Mailbag 29]] he states that $10 an hour is a reasonable price to pay for sex with a prostitute. To show his further ignorance of simple economics, Chris proposed a chain of state-run brothels where this shockingly inexpensive fee would not only pay women for sex, pay the salary of a pimp (which would be a redundant middleman in a state-approved brothel), pay for STD testing for the prostitutes, but would also pay for free Sex Ed classes for virgins. In real life, Chris tried to scam his way out of paying for sex with a Craigslist [[Chris and sex#Prostitution|prostitute]] (who was charging $100 for the hour) by telling her about the trolls, his life story, and his many personal problems. The prostitute hung up on him.

== On TV ==

In [[Mumble 6]], Chris discussed making a TV show called the Chandler show. One of his demands was the show should not have any commercial breaks, showing a distinct lack of understanding as to how a TV station makes money.

==See also==
*[[Monthly tugboat]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

[[Category: Chris-chan]]

04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless

2010-04-23T06:28:54Z

Kazmeyer: never attempt to use commas in my presence again

'''04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless''' is a video uploaded on 23 April 2010.

Wearing only his [[muscle bra|sports bra]], Chris reads easily accessible information about [[Autism]] that he got from Wikipedia and autismspeaks.org for about 7 minutes. He gives his advice regarding how to raise an autistic child, but Chris, as the autistic he is, doesn't realize that he can't be taken seriously if he is wearing a sports bra. Chris then begins his protest against other men walking around shirtless, stating that it should be illegal unless said man is wearing a bra. Note the lack of medallion, or high school ring. Also note the fact that Chris can't explain autism with his own words, and that he talked in a more monotone voice until he was talking about shirtless guys.

Chris appearing in his bra is most likely an attempt to take the wind out of the trolls' sails after [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|the horrors of the day before]].

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless
| image = {{#ev:youtube|oRJGyy7KMh4}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 23 April 2010
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = Autism
| Performance Style = {{Reason}} Reason
| Shirt = Sports Bra
| previous = [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]
| next = Current
}}

{{transcription}}

5:30

Failing to pick up on the kid's speak that is common in their peers. Without meaningful gestures, or the language to ask for things, people with autism are less able to let other know- others know what they need. As a result, they may simply [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|scream]] or grab for what they want until they are taught. Bear ways to express their needs. Children with autism do whatever they can to get though to others. As they grow up, they can become increasingly aware of their difficulties and understanding others and being understood. Repetitive behaviors. Although children with autism usually appear physically normal, repetitive motions may set them apart from other children. These behaviors might be extreme and highly apparent, or more subtle. Some chi- some children and other individuals repeatedly flap their arms, or walk on their toes. (unintelligible) as children, individuals with autism might spend hours lining up their cars or trains in a certain way, rather than using them for pretend play. Someone moves one of the toys, the children m-may be tremendously upset. Many children with autism meed and demand absolute consistency in their environment. A slight change in routine, such as meal time, dressing, [[Chris_and_health#Hygiene|take a bath]], or going to school at the same time or by a certain route can be extremely stressful. Unless the child has made apparent that the change is okay and acceptable. Repetitive behavior sometimes takes the form of a persistent intense preoccupation. These strong interests may be unusual, because their content, or because the intensity of the interest. Treatment for autism is very intensive, comprehensive undertaking that involves the child's entire family and a team of professionals. Some programs may take place in a child's home with professionals and a trained therapist and may include parental training for the child under supervision of a professional. Some programs are delivered in a specialized center, clu-sumes, or preschool. (puts paper down)

Though, as for me though, I highly recommend mainstreaming, lettin' 'em go though normal life. I mean yeah, gib'em the special treatment while they're young but when you gottdem in elementary- but when you geddem in elementary or middle school... or high school, mainstream is the way to go. Make sure you find yourself a good social teacher teach dem how to cope! And as you may have noticed, I am standing here today.... topless (grabs bra and pushes it upwards) , as you might say. I do this in defense, and in protest, because everytime I-because every time I see a [[Wikipedia:Kratos_(God_of_War)|male individual who goes around or runs around or exercises shirtless]], it is very offensive to me. And I do not appreciate that. And I am sure that it is a lot offens- it is offensive to a-alot of other people as well. And a-madafra if I could, I would say that-I would make a LAW that would require all male individuals to wear a sports bra while they are out exercising or working if they insist on being shirtless! Come'oin dude, get with the program! No one wants to see these nips! And things are better left a mystery! I leave you all with that, and you have yourself a pleasant, safe day.

===Transcript===

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]|nextlink=Current}}

{{Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Talk:PS3/How the PS3 is Hacked

2010-04-21T17:29:24Z

Kazmeyer:

Damn.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 04:54, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

Oh Clyde, you cad! -[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 04:56, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

Clyde. I want your babies --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 05:23, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

How was his PS3 bugged? Who bugged it and when? --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 05:27, 21 April 2010 (UTC)
*It was bugged with a super duper secret thingamajig that sends stuff to us. How do you think we got all those leaked videos and whatnot? It's because of the PS3 bug, obviously, DURR. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:41, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

:* Fuck, I love that super secrit agent who was in there in those videos. --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 05:52, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

:* Yeah, I know the PS3 was bugged. I was just wondering how it got in there. I guess it was probably the FA from those videos earlier, but I'm not sure when he found the time to open Chris's PS3, install the bug, and close it up without getting caught. --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 06:14, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

Impressive. Most impressive. Clyde, you are indeed a genius. --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]] 10:45, 21 April 2010 (EST)

My mind is blown by this. While wannabes are making plans involving Trannies and shovels, REAL trolls bug his PS3! Chris is way too naive to figure this one out. Clyde, you are my new hero. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 17:08, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

Jesus Christ, Clyde, do you realize how dangerous this is? If Chris finds the bug and takes it to the cops, they might be able to trace it. This one operation might destroy the trolls once and for all. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 17:29, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

Talk:F Abstinance

2010-03-29T18:18:45Z

Kazmeyer: /* Another reason why I hate this mother fucker. */

let me have a whack at transcribing something [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 23:13, 28 March 2010 (UTC)
:jesus christ now i know how you guys feel [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 23:31, 28 March 2010 (UTC)

Good luck making a summary of this one. He's raging about kids learning abstinence because he's a virgin, then goes on to say that the comics are bad but a small thing like a backpack is fine (even though he's not getting a dime). Great.... --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 23:36, 28 March 2010 (UTC)

:What's the source for the quote at the top of the page about the LBP costumes? --[[User:Hatredy|Hatredy]] 00:31, 29 March 2010 (UTC)

::It's what Chris put in the description box on youtube. --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 00:35, 29 March 2010 (UTC)

==Still thinks he's in High School==
His mentioning getting up during an assembly makes me think we can confirm the theory he never left high school mentally. [[User:Shawths|Shawths]]

You just figured that out? --[[User:Exemplary|Exemplary]] 04:33, 29 March 2010 (UTC)

Oh I knew that just wanted to make a suggestion for some more evidence we can provide. [[User:Shawths|Shawths]]

Every time I am hearing the term "Assembly", it is somewhat linked to a church. Just sayin' [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 05:40, 29 March 2010 (UTC)
* I thought that myself. That suggests he recently had a sermon on abstinance. In this case it probably wasn't refering to the abstinance of priests, but trying to suggest to young people that it is a valid alternative to being sexually active. Which might explain Chris' rage, anyone suggesting to young women that NOT having sex is a good idea would be HIS ENEMY. -- [[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 06:08, 29 March 2010 (UTC)

== Sunday is video day. ==

He's been making a lot of videos on Sundays. I think last week someone at his church told him to leave the internet and this week someone at church told him to stop trying to rape people and to practice abstinence. I bet he just learned the word today.[[User:DamianAntaria|DamianAntaria]]
:Either that or a girl just used it as an excuse to flee his presence recently. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 01:17, 29 March 2010 (UTC)
:I also have the feeling that someone is preaching to our Chris. Is Rocky losing her grip on our favorite tub of lard? [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 02:41, 29 March 2010 (UTC)
::It doesn't really read to me like something from church. He's actively mad at the concept of abstinence, which leads me to believe that he feels like the concept cost him a shot at some china recently. Maybe that was the Wallflower's final excuse as to why she didn't want to give it up to him, or he tried to make a move on another girl and she explained that she'd taken a pledge or something. Either way, I think if he'd just been preached abstinence he might make a video about opposing it, but I doubt he'd sound so angry about it. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 03:05, 29 March 2010 (UTC)
:::[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stealing_First_Base This recent episode of The Simpsons may have something to do with it], though he's also probably still pissed about the Wallflower incident. --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 04:28, 29 March 2010 (UTC)
*It'd be interesting to get some statistics on Chris's videos - average length, the days he uploads videos on, time of day, that sort of thing. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 00:12, 29 March 2010 (UTC)
:* Yeah, that'd be a table worth putting together. A lot of them, it would be hard to peg what time of day they went up now because we're down to the CWCVille Library copies, but the rest of the data could be interesting. As for abstinence, just going on pure irrational bias about the content of sex education courses in semi-rural Virginia, he probably got an earful about it in high school, but he was also probably too busy reading Goosebumps to get too wound up about it at the time. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 00:16, 29 March 2010 (UTC)
:*Could this be next month's project then? --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 00:28, 29 March 2010 (UTC)

Ok, CWC has made 32 videos in 2010. 4 on Mondays, 4 on Tuesdays, 6 on Wednesdays, 3 on Thursdays, 5 on Fridays, 7 on Saturdays and only 3 on Sundays. So Saturdays seem to be the days Chris is most willing to make a fool of himself. [[User:DamianAntaria|DamianAntaria]]

== Another reason why I hate this mother fucker. ==

Seriously? He now wants people to rise up against abstinence? *Facepalm* If a girl doesn't want to have sex, then she '''doesn't want to have sex.''' It's a simple concept. He's just jealous that you can't get any china. Besides, any girl would want to proclaim abstinence around a creepy obese, greasy, sweaty, smelly stalking rapist like himself.

Ugh... I don't want to talk any more about this. I hope he gets pepper sprayed one day, though.

--[[User:Miss Noel|Noel Ari Paige]] 03:45, 29 March 2010 (UTC)
* I can't wait to see what two words get mashed together to describe ''that'' incident. "Jerk" don't really portmanteau with "girl" the way it does with "cop" and "manager." -- [[User:Revolver Octopus|Revolver Octopus]] 04:29, 29 March 2010 (UTC)
**Abstigirl? Bitchstinance? -- [[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 06:08, 29 March 2010 (UTC)
*** Bitchstinance. I love it. [[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 09:27, 29 March 2010 (UTC)
**** He'll probably be making a Sonichu Special when that happens and portray the girl as an evil troll that wants nothing more to shatter his heart level to 0% by causing his poor heterochromic eyes unjust pain. (when in reality she was just defending herself from another "Megan" incident.) --[[User:Miss Noel|Noel Ari Paige]] 13:16, 29 March 2010 (UTC)
***** We know Chris feels he is "owed" sex by the female population. If that doesn't make him an outright rapist, he's at least a serious deviant, and a theoretical risk at best. -[[User:CDiddles|CDiddles]] 17:43, 29 March 2010 (UTC)
****** A lot of guys have stupid, troglodytic ideas about women and sex. Let's hold the "rapist" title until he actually tries to do something along those lines, okay? There's plenty to hate about Chris without making stuff up. By that standard of proof, 99% of the internet are murderers. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 18:18, 29 March 2010 (UTC)

Talk:F Abstinance

2010-03-29T03:05:56Z

Kazmeyer: /* Sunday is video day. */

Talk:F Abstinance

2010-03-29T01:17:53Z

Kazmeyer: /* Sunday is video day. */

Talk:Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!

2010-03-14T10:17:36Z

Kazmeyer:

Okay, where the hell did he get a kilt? I know it isn't his drapes or something like that since he's got a sporran and everything. And as far as I know, he and his family have little to no Scottish heritage. So did he go out and buy this for the express purpose of this stupid video? -- [[User:Revolver Octopus|Revolver Octopus]] 09:18, 14 March 2010 (UTC)
*probably. maybe we should stick the tugboat template on top lol [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 09:23, 14 March 2010 (UTC)
**Where did he get the kilt you ask? Goodwill. Also, he's English-American, and the last I checked, England=/=Scotland. Or Ireland. -PeaceCeapPea
::* I doubt he'd spend money on it. He probably had it from a costume or some shit. --[[User:Wtv|Wtv]] 09:31, 14
::* Last time I checked, "British" = England, N. Ireland, Wales and Scotland. So including the Scots bit in "Brits, Irish and Scots" kind of defeats the idea. His 'Scottish' accent also is notably cringeworthy. I find it an insult the manchild is trying to associate with us. [[User_talk:Rubidium|37]] [[User:Rubidium|'''Rb''']] [[Special:Contributions/Rubidium|85.468]] 09:50, 14 March 2010 (UTC)
*Now that I think about it, this seems to be part of an apparently new obsession with Celtic culture; first we had "Mo Ghile Mear" in the background of a video, and now a kilt and "Ireland's Call." I'm starting to think that maybe Heather is into this, and he picked it up in order to have something in common. -- [[User:Revolver Octopus|Revolver Octopus]] 09:39, 14 March 2010 (UTC)

March 2010 (UTC)
So it seems Surfshack Tito is a troll who's been contacting Chris directly and somehow got his attention, and has now claimed responsibility for the Heather fiasco. Although Chris says he's a mutual friend of Scarlet, who I could only find mentioned [[Chris's Big Night Out II|here]] briefly. Although is anyone else kinda impressed Chris could 'kick' that high? Seriously, last I saw he could barely get his feet up to thigh height. Also, important quote "Regain the love, and trust, and friendship of heather". So semi-confirmation that she got freaked out and has broken off contact with him. -- [[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 09:35, 14 March 2010 (UTC)

Let this be a lesson for everyone who was worried, when the Wallflower left and Chris made that first distraught video, that the show was over. Chris is like the fucking Terminator. You just can't stop him from doing something hilarious. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 10:17, 14 March 2010 (UTC)