CWCki - User contributions [en]

Talk:Future

2010-12-18T15:25:13Z

Kettle5000:

Wondering how long it will be before Clyde blasts this entire article to the moon. [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 16:07, 17 December 2010 (PST)

What does it say right there on the main page. Fuck.--[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 16:17, 17 December 2010 (PST)
*What does it say right there in the shut the fuck up. Speculation is OK if it has some sort of basis or evidence. This, on the other hand, is like predicting the future (because it fucking is). You can't do it god damn. What if Chris gets killed before his parents? What if he gets institutionalized? What if Sony's Playstation plans goes bust (due to lack of games for their new Wii) and Chris ends up spending enough time offline that he grows up a bit? Shit can happen, and it often does. This is retarded speculation and it needs to stop. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 17:03, 17 December 2010 (PST)
**Agreed. If you REALLY need to speculate, go to the off-shore speculation site. You'll find out that there are forums for pretty much every topic that you presented. Moon this. --[[User:Captkrisma|Captkrisma]] 00:18, 18 December 2010 (PST)
**I wasn't defending this page, dumbass. I'm saying it IS idle speculation, the kind that we're warned not to engage in on the Main Page. Learn to read.--[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 07:25, 18 December 2010 (PST)

Jackie

2010-12-18T00:44:26Z

Kettle5000: /* Oops, He Did it Again? */

{{quote|And you will be safe, as long as I [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|do not talk]] about you at all online|[[Jackie e-mails|Every good show needs some foreshadowing]]}}

{{quote|Just accept that you won't be respected as an adult and that you won't be getting a girlfriend or sex... ever|[[Jackie E-mails 23| Jackie, telling it like it is]]}}

[[Image:JackSweetheart.jpg|thumb|Jackie IRL, note the shirt and bracelet]]
[[Image:ModNation Sweetheart.jpg|thumb|"[[Sweetheart]]" in ''[[ModNation Racers]]'', note the shirt and bracelet]]

'''Jacklyn "Jackie" Romy''' is a woman whom [[Chris]] met on [[The Hook Cafe]].

==Jackie's Hook Cafe Profile (Username Luv2Jax)==

===Sexy sweetie looking for love===

I'm a little shy about this, but here goes... I'm looking for a guy between about 26-30 (I like my guys a little older, just call me [[Bob Chandler|old fashioned]] I guess) who is tall, has an [[Chris and health|athletic build, straight teeth, and a good smile.]] I don't really care what you do so long as you're [[monthly tugboat|Chandlerdriven]]; I care more about a [[Chris and fashion|nice sense of style]] and [[Fridays After Five|outgoing personality]]. I want [[Virgin with rage|someone who doesn't need to be with someone but wants to because he knows how amazing it can be!]]

Things I like to do, let's see... I love to go biking, it'd be nice if you did too. I love to play golf as well. I like to go out afer work, [[McDonalds|go to dinner]], [[SpaghettiRoutine|cook dinner]] together (I LOVE to cook), spend the weekend [[Chris and rape|at my family's cabin]], travel, road trip and have [[Hanky-Panky|sex]]. Lots and lots of sex. (not gonna [[List of Chris's lies|lie]]!) Probably during some of the activities I just listed... I want that chemistry that is so strong, just a kiss can lead to wanting to have sex right then and there...
I suppose you want to know a little about me, hm?

I'm 5'3", slender, I don't [[Tobacky|smoke]] (HATE it) but I [[Chris's Big Night Out|drink]] once in a while. I graduated college last year and I work as an [[Chris and English|editor]] for a magazine. I love every day. [[Sonichu's Edge|I run in road races]]. [[Chris and money|Oh, and I shop]]. [[Rosechu|I shop a LOT.]] :) Most importantly, I want that [[Autism|special]] someone I can share my life with and start a family with.

[[Chris and his ego|If you're reading this and you feel like it describes you, I hope you'll email me back!]]

===Characteristics===
Gender: '''Woman''' 
Current Status: '''Single''' 
Looking for: '''Friends, Casual Dating, Long-term Relationship''' 
Body Type: '''Slender, Petite, Curvy''' 
Eyes: '''Hazel''' 
Height: '''5' 03"''' 
Hair Type: '''Red''' 
Age: '''22''' 
Seeks: [[Duck|'''Man for Dating, Man for Friendship''']]

===Profile===
Education: '''College graduate''' 
Ethnicity: '''Caucasian''' 
Religion: '''Unitarian''' 
Political Leanings: '''Independent, Kinky''' 
Neighborhood: '''Charlottesville''' 
City: '''Charlottesville''' 
Occupation: '''Magazine Editor''' 
Have Children: '''No''' 
Want Children: '''[[Crystal Weston Chandler|Yes]]'''

===Habits===
Smoking: '''[[Tobacky|Never]]''' 
Drinking: '''[[Alcohol|Sometimes]]''' 
Drugs: '''Not interested'''

===Personality===
I get around town via: '''[[Son-Chu|Car]], Bycicle, Walk''' 
My dietary preferences are: '''[[Nudes|No red meat]]''' 
I spend my free time: '''Reading, Sex, Creating, Working out, [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|Watching movies]], Shopping, Biking, Frisbee Golf''' 
Funniest Thing: '''[[Random Access Humor|A monkey on roller skates]]'''

===Deeper===
'''If you could have a dinner party and invite any 4 people, dead or alive, wo'd be coming?'''
Wilt Chamberlain, [[Anne Boleyn|Queen Elizabeth I]], [[Mailbag_1#Chris_the_inventor|Leonardo Da Vinci]] and [[Homo|Liberace]].

'''What's under your bed?''' My old [[PSP|Playstation]]... it's my guilty pleasure!

'''Two books that everybody should read are''' [[Father_Call#Literature_and_health|Of Mice and Men]] and the Great Gatsby.

===Fill It===
I'm an open-minded person, but '''[[Chris and race|big]][[Homos|ot]][[Women's rights|ry]]''' is a deal-breaker.

Design your ideal mate: the brain of a '''[[art|Andy Warhol]]''' and the body of a '''[[Power|Brad Pitt]]'''

People say '''my smile is my best feature'''.

The first section I turn to in the Hook is '''... ask me...'''

The quickest way to my heart is '''[[SpaghettiRoutine|good cooking]]''' The quickest way to my [[Hanky-panky|bed]] is '''[[51 50|strong, muscly arms]]'''' And in the morning, I like my eggs cooked '''basted'''

The last concert I attented was '''[[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|Crash Test Dummies]]'''

My favorite cartoon as a kid was '''[[Wikipedia:Digimon|Digimon]]'''

'''Dogwood''' is my favorite local festival.

I wouldn't sell '''my body''' for a billion dollars.

'''[[Vanessa Hudgens|Christina Ricci]]''' is the celebrity I've been told I resemble.

'''[[China|P.F. Changs]]''' is my favorite restaurant.

===In and Out===
The Corner or '''[[CWCville Shopping Center|Downtown Mall]]'''

'''Blockbuster''' or Sneak Reviews

'''[[Matthew Noble call|Best Buy]]''' or Sidetracks

'''Wireless''' or Landline

'''Aristocrat''' or Grey Goose

[[100 2269|Beatles]] or '''Stones'''

CD or '''MP3'''

'''Carmike''' or Vinegar Hill

Dogs or '''[[Cats]]'''

'''Summer''' or Winter

[[Niggos|Black]] or '''[[Dirty Crapped Briefs|Brown]]'''

'''[[Long Island Iced Tea|Bars]]''' or [[14 Branchland Court|Stay Home]]

Kroger or '''Whole Food'''

'''PC''' or Mac

'''Wheel of Fortune''' or Grey's Anatomy

Steak or '''[[Pickles|Salad]]'''

Steak or '''Sushi'''

'''Cavaliers''' or [[Cherokian Clan|Redskins]]

'''Casket''' or Cremation

Fax or '''[[Email]]'''

Dyed or '''Natural'''

'''Pumps''' or Flats

'''Beach''' or Mountains

SUV or '''Sedan'''

==First contact==

{{main|Jackie Emails}}

Jackie corresponded with Chris in a series of emails spanning from 5-21 [[April 2010]]. The exchange culminated in a rather disturbing [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|video]] outlining Chris's knowledge of cunnilingus in lurid detail.

==A new dawn?==
In early [[September 2010]] his [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|E-Mail exchange with Clyde and Tito]] suggests the possibility of a new sweetheart, but Chris refuses to reveal her name. Furthermore, he uploaded a ''[[ModNation]]'' character generically named 'Sweetheart', which was discussed to be another [[Chloe]] or [[Wallflower]].

On 13 September 2010 Chris uploaded a [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|video]] officially proclaiming his love to Jackie. Three days later, he produced a [[Song for Jackie.MOV|video]] capitalizing on Jackie's love for Canadian band, Crash Test Dummies, while ''[[Chris and race|in blackface]]''. Chris then spent [[October 2010|October]] [[Chris and cosplaying|cosplaying]] as various characters from [[100 2265|The Hamburglar]] to his own [[ECV 00002|Chris-chan]] [[Chris-Chan Sonichu|Sonichu]]. It appears that Jackie is fast on her way to becoming the new [[Ivy]].

==Lars==
'''Lars McNulty''' is Jackie's ex-[[Jerk|boyfriend]], whom Jackie left over his [[PS3#PlayStation Network|ridiculous obsession]] with [[ModNation Racers|model boats]]. Beginning in late [[September 2010]], Chris developed an [[autism|intense fixation]] on Lars and released a number of videos mocking and attacking his erstwhile rival.

Chris's [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|first video addressing Lars]] appeared on 25 September, in which Chris proves who is the bigger and stronger man by smashing a model boat made of [[Lego]]. A [[New Address|second video]] appeared two days later, where Chris gloats over how Lars has lost Jackie, explains how he will fulfill her every desire, and warns Lars not to mess with her — or [[Death threats|Chris will intervene]]. Three days after that, he continued to mock Lars's interest in boats and set to [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4|babbling about tape dispensers]]. (An [[Lars_Is_Jivin'.MP4#Full_version|extended version]] of this third video appeared on 2 October.)

Subsequent videos in the first two weeks of October addressed other subjects, but Chris returned his attention to Lars in a [[100 2281|fourth video]] released in the wee hours of 15 October. There, a drunk Chris sported a [[Wikipedia:Do-rag|do-rag]] and accused Lars of spreading the old rumor that he's a [[homo]].

On 6 November, [[Lars Call|audio]] was released of a call between Lars and Chris.

==Oops, He Did it Again==
{{quote|We'll be very happy together. I know it. I will make you happy as much as possible. And when you're feeling down, I'll make you feel better. I love you.|Chris, [[Stare|giving the Creepy Stare]] to his beloved.}}
On 30 [[October 2010]], an [[alcohol|inebriated]]-looking Chris posted a [[ToJackie|video]] in which he pleads Jackie to stay with him. Since there have been no further Jackie-related videos and Chris has decided to [[100 2357.MOV|quit the internet]] '''again''', it was assumed they had split up.

In [[November 2010|November]], new information about Jackie was released in the form of various [[Jackie Chat 1|chats]] and [[Jackie E-mails 3|emails]]. These provided valuable context about Chris's activities online throughout the latter half of 2010. The email exchanges proved that yet again, Chris is unwilling to make any improvements to his life - even to get the china he craves so much.

{{Sweethearts}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Romy, Jacklyn}}

[[Category:Sweethearts]]

Talk:Future

2010-12-18T00:18:18Z

Kettle5000:

Talk:Future

2010-12-18T00:17:54Z

Kettle5000:

100 2270

2010-10-07T23:51:50Z

Kettle5000: /* Video */

'''100 2270''' is the third of three videos [[Chris]] uploaded on 7 [[October 2010]]. In it, he does a painful impression of [[Alec Benson Leary]] in a strange, nasal voice, in an attempt to mock him. Half the time his insults are [[Chris and English|unintelligible]] and his assumed, Eric Cartman-like accent does nothing to aid his insults.

Chris appears to confuse Alec with [[Liquid Chris]] at several points. This is either Chris being the idiot he is or it means he believes that Liquid and Alec are the same person. He also proceeds to beat the dead horse about not only how Alec put [[Homos|homosexual imagery in Asperchu]], but about how violent Asperchu can be. [[Chris and Hypocrisy|Because we all know that Sonichu doesn't have]] [[Sonichu 10|gore, violence and needless killing of characters]], right?

Chris also claims AlecLiquid is from [[Wikipedia:Philadelphia, PA|Philadelphia, PA]], whereas Alec is actually from Minnesota and Liquid hails from Washington DC.

The [[Asperchu Medallion]] makes an appearance in this video.

{{-}}
==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 100 2270
| video = {{#ev:youtube|l8ir2SbF5T4}}
| stardate = 7 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, {{Rage|text}}
| shirt = {{PityShirt|text}}
| previous = [[100 2269]]
| next = Current
}}

=== Transcription ===

''[Chris's face is partially obscured by darkness due to the lighting in his room. A large piece of cardboard with horizontal orange and grey stripes covers most of his chest. The Asperchu medallion is visible around his neck.]''

''[Odd voice]'' Ello, web! Dis is Christian Weston Chandler 'ere! But I'm no-I'm not really Christian Weston Chandler, and I'm not the creator of Sonichu because I live in Philidelphia! I was born in Philidelphia! At least as far as I know. [[Things Chris has ripped off|I don't have any originality]], or idea points because I never put up a page of my own! In real life, and still I only mock the real Christian Weston Chandler in Virginia-and now I am mocking Alec Benson Leary, ''[grabs Asperchu medallion]'' I am pretending to be Alec Benson Leary, oh look at me I'm Alec, [[Chris and Art|I draw teeeerrribly]], ''[mimes drawing]'' I draw everything in squares, I put [[homos]]exual drawings in the background, [[Death threats|I kill everybody!]] I put gore all over the floor and blood all over the place, ''[flails arms and shifts from foot to foot]'' I killed the real Christian Weston Chandler, I even killed the origina-I even killed the second dude, who pretended to be the original!

''[pauses for breath]''

Anyway, I'm Christian Chandler, I live in Philidelphia, I have a girlfriend, her name is [[Kacey]], ''[more arm-flailing]'' except we're married now! And [[Chris and his ego|she coulda had the real Christian Weston Chandler]], who lives in Virginia, except I'm just a Christian Chandler who lives in Philidelphia! Now I'm sorry, [[Honor roll|I didn't mean Philidelphia, I meant to say Pennsylvania!]] Pennsylvania! But I pretended to be the original Christian Weston Chandler and rent movies from Blockbuster in Peennsylvaniaa! And the phone call was sent to the real deal, the real man in Virginia.

Yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda yaddblahblahblahyahbahblahyablahlalalalalah!

''[Pause]''

[[Britney Spears|Hey baby hit me one more time!]] I done it from my head! Bye now!

==See also==
*[[100 2267]]
*[[100 2269]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100 2269]]|nextlink=Current}}
{{Troll Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

100 2269

2010-10-07T23:34:22Z

Kettle5000:

'''100 2269''' is the second of three videos [[Chris]] uploaded on 7 [[October 2010]]. In this video, Chris has [[gitar of fail]] out again, but this time actually uses it to play The Beatles's "[[Wikipedia:A Day in the Life|A Day in the Life]]" on [[Wikipedia:The Beatles: Rock Band|The Beatles: Rock Band]]. In addition, he warbles tunelessly along with the track. He mentions Jackie at least once in the video, saying he will "turn her on". Chris is wearing what appears to be a poorly done replica of a Sgt. Pepper costume, crafted in cardboard.

{{-}}
==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 100 2269
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tGQjcZxXtZo}}
| stardate = 7 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, {{Tragedy|text}}
| shirt = {{VertBlueGrayShirt|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
| previous = [[100 2267]]
| next = [[100 2270]]
}}

===Transcription===

''[In a bad cockney accent]'' Hello loves, good evening now. I'm Paul McCartney and I'm going to sing you a song. It's "A Day In The Life". And it is a good day. In the life. Yeah. It's a day for livin', it's a beautiful day over here in Virginia. Rock on England!

''[Mic effect]'' Good evening, loves.

''[Starts playing on guitar hero]''

I read the news today oh boy
About a luucky man who made the grade
And though the new... b.. rather sad!
I just had to laugh
I saw the photograph
He blew his mind out in the car
He didn't notice that the lights had changed
A crowd of people stood and stared
They'd seen his face before
Nobody was really sure... he from.. house of lords...

I saw a film today oh boy
The English army had just won the war
A crowd of people turned away
But I just had to look
Haa..ving read the book

I love to tuuuurn youuu oon...

Woo...

Woke up, feell out of bed, dragged a comb across myy head...
Found my way downstairs and drank a cup
And looking up I noticed I was late
Found my coat and grabbed my hat
Made the bus in seconds flat
Found my way upstairs and had a smoke,
and Somebody spoke and I went into a dream

Aahhaaahhhhhahahaaaaaaahhh

I read the news today oh boy
Four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire
And though the holes were rather small
They had to count them all
Now they know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall
I'd love to turn you on

Yeah Jackie, I'd love to turn you on too girl. ''[Chuckles]''

''[Plays to the end, hitting the whammy bar]''

Longest note you've ever heard, huh? I wish it would end already... Jeez, will ya end already ya dang notes?

''[At 5:23 a high-pitched feedback noise can be heard, which lasts till the end of the video.]''

''[Goes to turn camera off]''

I'll spare you the sentiments.

==See also==
*[[100 2267]]
*[[100 2270]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100 2267]]|nextlink=[[100 2270]]}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

100 2269

2010-10-07T23:33:14Z

Kettle5000: /* Transcription */

'''100 2269''' is the second of three videos [[Chris]] uploaded on 7 [[October 2010]]. In this video, Chris has [[gitar of fail]] out again, but this time actually uses it to play The Beatles's "[[Wikipedia:A Day in the Life|A Day in the Life]]" on [[Wikipedia:The Beatles: Rock Band|The Beatles: Rock Band]]. He mentions Jackie at least once in the video, saying he will "turn her on". Chris is wearing what appears to be a poorly done replica of a Sgt. Pepper costume, crafted in cardboard.

{{-}}
==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 100 2269
| video = {{#ev:youtube|tGQjcZxXtZo}}
| stardate = 7 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, {{Tragedy|text}}
| shirt = {{VertBlueGrayShirt|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
| previous = [[100 2267]]
| next = [[100 2270]]
}}

===Transcription===

''[In a bad cockney accent]'' Hello loves, good evening now. I'm Paul McCartney and I'm going to sing you a song. It's "A Day In The Life". And it is a good day. In the life. Yeah. It's a day for livin', it's a beautiful day over here in Virginia. Rock on England!

''[Mic effect]'' Good evening, loves.

''[Starts playing on guitar hero]''

I read the news today oh boy
About a luucky man who made the grade
And though the new... b.. rather sad!
I just had to laugh
I saw the photograph
He blew his mind out in the car
He didn't notice that the lights had changed
A crowd of people stood and stared
They'd seen his face before
Nobody was really sure... he from.. house of lords...

I saw a film today oh boy
The English army had just won the war
A crowd of people turned away
But I just had to look
Haa..ving read the book

I love to tuuuurn youuu oon...

Woo...

Woke up, feell out of bed, dragged a comb across myy head...
Found my way downstairs and drank a cup
And looking up I noticed I was late
Found my coat and grabbed my hat
Made the bus in seconds flat
Found my way upstairs and had a smoke,
and Somebody spoke and I went into a dream

Aahhaaahhhhhahahaaaaaaahhh

I read the news today oh boy
Four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire
And though the holes were rather small
They had to count them all
Now they know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall
I'd love to turn you on

Yeah Jackie, I'd love to turn you on too girl. ''[Chuckles]''

''[Plays to the end, hitting the whammy bar]''

Longest note you've ever heard, huh? I wish it would end already... Jeez, will ya end already ya dang notes?

''[At 5:23 a high-pitched feedback noise can be heard, which lasts till the end of the video.]''

''[Goes to turn camera off]''

I'll spare you the sentiments.

==See also==
*[[100 2267]]
*[[100 2270]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100 2267]]|nextlink=[[100 2270]]}}
{{Music Videos}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

100 2266

2010-10-06T00:38:06Z

Kettle5000:

[[File:pedoforkgrimace.jpg|thumb|Grimace and some [[Pedofork|gal-pals]]]]

'''100 2266''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 4 [[October 2010]]. Continuing with the [[McDonald's]] character theme, the start of this video sees Chris dress up as [[wikipedia:McDonaldland#Characters|the Grimace]]. He then removes his costume and proceeds to play the [[Gitar of Fail]], while singing [[Wikipedia:Mark Wills|Mark Wills]]'s "[[Wikipedia:Don't Laugh at Me|Don't Laugh at Me]]" to what is apparently a tune of his own making. Either he's never heard the actual song, or he's a worse singer than we thought. Chris then finishes up the video by dispelling some rumors, confirming that [[Jackie]] is indeed real, that he [[Chris humps his PS3|doesn't hump his PS3]], nor any [[Chandler Cats|animals]].

Interestingly enough, the Grimace was originally a heel that was constantly [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1DlNbXviQQ being trolled by Ronald]. Chris' ability to impersonate the fat, amorphous, greedy, amoral, sugar-addicted, obsessive, naive, self-delusional, egotistical, cave-dwelling, hoarding, anthropomorphic blob of lard's original design is uncanny, even down to his bitch-tits as stand-ins for the Grimace's lower arms.

{{-}}
==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = 100 2266
| video = {{#ev:youtube|kPY6-lf62Ls}}
| stardate = 4 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Music|text}}, {{Rumors|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, {{Tragedy|text}}
| shirt = {{VerticalRedYellowShirt|text}}
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
| previous = [[100 2265]]
| next = Current
}}

=== Transcription ===

[''Chris is dressed in three pieces of purple construction paper on his face, chest, and stomach assembled to vaguely resemble the McDonalds character Grimace'']

[''Singing in a deep [[retarded]] voice'']
:Hello, I'm the Grimace, I'm not dead.
:I've been down; I'm feelin' sad.
:All this time in my childhood, everybody thought I was different

Seriously folks, I was treated differently because I was [[autistic]] too. I am..-was autistic and very....very shy. Uhhh [[Nathanel Greene Elementary School#Chris's side of the story|the teachers they took me, they picked on me, they beat up on me, they recorded my screams.]] What a sad life for me as a Grimace. [[Chris and his ego|I hate being treated differently]], I don't like being treated differently. No one likes being treated differently! People should be [[Death threats|friendly towards each other]]. People please, be friendly towards each other. Do not laugh, because laughing is sad. Laughing at other peoples expenses makes them sad. It makes me sad, and don't make the Grimace sad.
[''Chris pulls off the construction paper on his face'']

[''Normal voice''] Don't make the Grimace sad, cause you could make me glad. [''Chris removes the second two pieces of construction paper taped to him.''] By not...being an instigator and gettin' laughs at other peoples expenses.

[''Pulls out his [[Guitar Hero]] guitar from a pile of shit'']

Here, let me sing a little song, it might clear things up a bit.

[''Strums [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bingo_(song)"Bingo"] on the strum bar for about 10 seconds'']

:Oh my little boy with [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]]. The one they call the geek.
:[[Megan|A little girl who never smiles.]] Cause I've got braces on my teeth.
:And I know how it feels to cry myself to sleep.
:I'm that kid, on every playground who's always chosen last.
:A single teenage mother tryin' to overcome my past.
:You don't have to be my friend, but is it too much to ask?

:Don't laugh at me, don't call me names, [[Twin Falling Towers|don't get your pleasure from my pain]].
:In God's eyes we're all the same. Some day we'll all have [[Anime Wings|perfect wings]]. Don't laugh at me.

:I'm the cripple on the corner, you pass me on the street.
:I wouldn't be out here begging, [[Obesity|if I had enough to eat.]]
:And don't think I don't notice, that our eyes never meet.
:I lost my wife and little boy when someone cross the yellow line.
:The day we laid them on the ground, is the day I lost my mind.
:And right now I'm down to holdin', [[Attraction Sign|this little cardboard sign]] so...

:Don't laugh at me, don't call me names, don't get your pleasures from my pain.
:In God's eyes, we're all just the same, some day we'll all have perfect wings.
:Don't laugh at me.

:[[Obesity|I'm fat]], I'm thin, I'm short, I'm tall, [''Chris turns his head and puts on a stupid voice, defeating the purpose of the song''.] I'm DEAF, I'm blind. Hey, aren't we all? [Holds out hand twoards camera in an attempt to look poignant]

:Don't laugh at me, don't call me names, don't get your pleasure from my pain.
:In God's eyes we're all the same, some day we'll all have perfect wings.
:[''Chris does a [[Glasses#Dramatic_glasses_removal|dramatic glasses removal]] and says in a much more serious tone''] Don't laugh at me.

[''Reads off a paper he's been holding''] Original song sung by Mark Willis. Look it up on iTunes and wherever. Seriously, [[Secret Weapon|don't laugh at me, and I won't laugh at you either.]] Nobody is perfect. So quit trying to pick on us for our pain. And also for your information, there is a woman named Jackie. It is not some name I've given to my console. And I do not hump my console at all. I only did it [[Chris humps his PS3|that one time]] cause I was blackmailed. And I would never do that to any animals. [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|Bestiality is WRONG]]. And don't believe any rumors you hear about me, especially an obvious one like [''Retarded voice''] detaching a [[vagina]] from a sex doll and putting it on a [[PlayStation 3]]... or an [[Xbox]]! [''Regular voice''] Too incredible to believe. It is false, no matter how you imagine it. [''pause'']

So there. Have a good day.

==See also==
*[[100 2265]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[100 2265]]|nextlink=Current}}
{{Troll Videos}}
{{Music Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Monthly tugboat

2010-10-03T16:52:52Z

Kettle5000:

{{taxpayermoney}}

{{quote|Yet AGAIN I am waiting for my next tugboat from my Social before I can even pay a Website to Host me and grant me a better .com domain name than [[sonichu.com]]|Chris to [[Miyamoto]], complaining about how long his free money is taking}}

[[Image:Monthly_Tugboat.jpg|thumb|right|What Chris believes a monthly tugboat is. Your tax dollars at work, gentlemen.]]

The '''monthly tugboat''' is [[Chris]]'s euphemism for his [[Wikipedia:Social Security Disability Insurance|Social Security Disability Insurance]] check. Essentially, the United States government has a taxpayer-funded program to financially support disabled individuals whose injuries or ailments affect their ability to earn a wage. Contrary to popular belief, Chris's check isn't a need-based welfare check, nor is it meant to replace a paycheck for someone who is unable to work. Chris's disability check is meant to supplement the money he would receive at a low-paying job (the best he could hold down) and provide him enough money to live on his own. Chris, of course, chooses not to work and mooches off his parents instead, blowing his tugboat on video games. Unfortunately, this doesn't disqualify him from receiving disability.

Chris receives [[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg|$809 each month, with $565 going to his parents for room, board, and to pay toward his credit card debt.]] The rest of it generally goes towards [[List of Chris's video games|video games]] or [[sex toys|straight up his ass]]. However, $244 per month (about $8 per day) is nowhere near enough to satisfy Chris's need for games, porn, [[PlayStation Network]] downloads, a constant supply of Chicken McNuggets, gallons of [[Coke]], and, since the summer of 2009, [[alcohol]]. As of [[January 2010]], he owed roughly $3,500 in credit-card debt, some on cards of his own and some on cards he stole from his parents. Indeed, according to one of his [[:File:StatementforViv01,2010.jpg|bank]] [[:File:StatementforViv01,2010-2.jpg|statements]], at the end of one month he had less than three dollars left in his account. Even more, just by straight spending and no other extra income, he put himself $452.57 USD ''in the red''.

Challenged by a correspondent in the [[Mailbag 34|Mailbag]], Chris claimed that he is not wasting his taxpayer-funded "tugboat", because he is putting that money back into the economy and indirectly paying the tugboats of others. According to Chris's [[Chris and reality|logic]], by purchasing useless commercial goods, he is paying sales tax which the government puts directly back into the hands of the needy. This is a tremendous leap of faulty rationalization, even for Chris, and he fails to elaborate on his shaky economic theories in any detail. If you thought he didn't understand money before, [[Chris and Money|you ain't seen nothing yet]].

[[Image:Autism-costs.jpg|thumb|left|[http://www.autisticchild.org/autism-statistics This is true]]]

On the advice of his [[Bob Chandler|father]], Chris doesn't get a job, supposedly because the tugboat gives him more money overall. However, Bob is totally wrong. At the time of this writing, minimum wage in the state of [[Virginia]] is $7.25, pursuant to federal minimum wage. If Chris were to somehow do a complete 180° on his life, get off disability, and begin working a full 40-hour week, his monthly income before taxes and his rent payment would be approximately $1,260 USD. This would put Chris's annual income range, before tax, at roughly $15,100. Subtracting what he pays his parents to live in filth monthly, as well as the 5% tax his income range mandates in the state of Virginia, Chris could very likely be left with a ridiculous $9,000 in ''spending'' money, enough for many more sex toys and video games. Contrast this with the $4,200 Chris pulls annually from the government after paying off his parents (roughly equal to what he's spent in total so far on his PS3).

Even if this weren't enough, the most cursory research reveals that an SSDI recipient could have earned from $700 dollars a month in the year 2000, when Chris was 18, to $1,000 dollars a month in 2010 without losing a cent of their SSDI income.<ref>http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/COLA/sga.html</ref> It's clear that Bob's decision to encourage Chris's unemployment comes from negligent ignorance, blind delusion, or the knowledge that his son is a total [[fail]]ure who can bring nothing but shame on himself and his family. He's caused Chris to miss out on over $100,000 in potential earnings through the end of 2010, which could buy a lot of [[Muscle bra|bras]], [[Sex toys|fake pussies]], [[Flipnote Hatena|children's toys]], and [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|Lego-covered PS3 accessories]].

If Bob's motivation comes from the reasonable realization that Chris could never survive in an real-world workplace environment, of course, one wonders why [[Fridays After Five|he keeps unleashing him to run amok on an unsuspecting public]].

In the [[Father Call|father call]], Chris claims that his disability check is "a stepping-stone in the right direction of [him] moving out". Given Chris's tendency to waste his free money on frivolous shit rather than put it towards anything that might improve his life, he was probably just telling Kacey's father what he thought he wanted to hear.

Rough calculations and estimations say that if Chris lives into his eighties, given reasonable "cost of living" increases to his tugboat annually, he will receive roughly $900,000 to $1,000,000 over his lifetime (In this day and age however, that's chump change and he'd amass a larger fortune if he simply got off his ass and got a career). However, it's [[Chris and Health|extremely unlikely]] that his fat ass will live anywhere near that long.

==References by Chris==
*The earliest known use of the term "monthly tugboat" comes in Chris's first e-mail to his half-brother [[Cole Smithey]], from March 2007. When introducing himself, Chris says, "I'm getting by livin' with my folks and a monthly tugboat." He does not actually explain what a "monthly tugboat" is supposed to be.
*An [[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Adam_Stackhouse_wins.2C_Chris_is_a_horrible_cheater_and_likes_Megan_.22so_much.22|e-mail to Megan]] from August 2007 recounts Chris's purchase of [[Guitar Hero]] with his latest tugboat check.
*During the [[Miyamoto Saga]], Chris claimed he was waiting for his tugboat (in an e-mail to "Miyamoto" himself, no less) to fix technical problems with his website.
*In [[Mumble 1]], Chris mentions that he'll have to wait for his next tugboat to buy some new content for ''Ape Escape'' on the PSP.
*In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 4]], Chris tells [[Julie]] that he can't make it to Ohio until his next tugboat comes in.
*The later months of 2009 and afterwards have seen Chris largely give up using the term "tugboat," possibly because of its extensive adoption by trolls in the Mumble chats, the [[Mailbag]], and elsewhere. In the [[Father Call]] he refers to it as his "monthly income," while in the [[Jackie e-mails]] he simply says he's on Social Security, although he did refer to it once as a "tugboat" in [[Mailbag 34]].

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Autism]]
* [[Chris and money]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Talk:CWCville Shopping Center

2010-10-02T21:50:04Z

Kettle5000:

== New To do==
Someone with AutoCAD experience to decipher the files. I know the PDFs aren't the complete pictures... [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 23:33, 1 October 2010 (PDT)

==To do==
Let's add all the mall stores for the sake of reference. Also, the mall stores should stick to the actual mall stores Chris has indicated. Adding unfunny shit like "House of Pickles" and "Fanta 'N Cum" ruins insight into Chris's head. '''Next person who adds a store that isn't from Chris's mall plans gets BANNED.''' --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:30, 22 September 2009 (CEST)
*I'm surprised he didn't make up more of the stores. Lots are more obscure, but only a few seem to come from his imagination (Christopher's Pizza, etc). I've added a subsection for the things that don't technically count as stores and I haven't counted all the restrooms yet but there's definitely more than a mall needs. [[User:SirCucumber|SirCucumber]] 20:54, 22 September 2009 (CEST)
*:According to Wikipedia this place is 1/5th the size of Mall of America. I don't make a habit out of counting the stores at my local mall, but isn't that an absurdly large store for a city in Virginia? [[User:Ensign disposable|Ensign disposable]] 22:58, 22 September 2009 (CEST)
::*When it's the sole notable thing in your city, maybe not. More interestingly is that I recall someone on PVCC noting that the size of the mayoral office is roughly the size of an (American) football field which is pretty fucking huge for an office. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 14:14, 26 September 2009 (CEST)
**:The mall itself is also hugely out of proportion - look at how much empty space there is in the middle of the mall compared to the size of the stores. It's absolutely massive! Besides, are you even supposed to plan out what stores are in a mall when you're building it? Doesn't that sort of thing happen after? I mean, stores do move around after all. And another thing, why put the Mayoral Office in a shopping mall? Does the mayor just want to be close to stores so he can waste the taxpayers' money? It makes no sense! [[User:SirCucumber|SirCucumber]] 23:23, 22 September 2009 (CEST)

*This only needs a list of stores, not commentary on the stores. This is so people don't have to download the entire damn blueprints. I'll be working on fixing this but if someone beats me to the punch, please do. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:21, 25 March 2010 (UTC)
:*Nevermind. In any case, we really don't need commentary on the stores.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:24, 25 March 2010 (UTC)

==Stores==

Hmm, looking at the list, I'm wondering if we should make mention of what stores are/should be shut down. I know for a fact that the Circuit City Express, Sam Goody's and Suncoast (of those three, Sam Goody's and Suncoast were owned by the same company) would have shut down (Goody's and Suncoast went under 2007/2008 and Circuit City this past March). Just a suggestion. --[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 06:13, 26 September 2009 (CEST)
*Probably not a bad addition. I'm not even sure how many of them are Chris's imagination or if they're all real stores (Christopher's Pizza, April's Sports), that'd be another thing to check. There's a few like the Anna Joy's (bridalwear?) that I've found legitish sites for, I'm just wondering if it's worth adding links for all of them or if it'll clutter up the page too much. [[User:SirCucumber|SirCucumber]] 06:16, 26 September 2009 (CEST)
:*Thirded. It'd be interesting to note which stores are indeed defunct. I'm guessing most of these are legitimate places, just obscure regional stores or independently owned places. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 14:14, 26 September 2009 (CEST)

== THE ORIGINAL PROJECT FILES WHY HAVEN'T I UPLOADED THIS YET ==

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?we0oddnzwnk

someone deconstruct this for me KTHX [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 04:51, 12 November 2009 (CET)

SERIOUSLY SOMEONE DECONSTRUCT THIS FOR ME [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 06:13, 8 February 2010 (UTC)

*My Lord, does this still need doing? If so, drop a message on my talk and I'll get right to it. -[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 04:33, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

*Damn, I completely forgot about these. One of these days I'll look into importing this stuff into 3D apps or something. DWG file format may pose a small problem... --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 12:20, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

SERIOUSLY SOMEONE DECONSTRUCT THIS FOR ME [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 10:26, 14 August 2010 (PDT)

== Tenants ==

*Dollar Tree has plenty of mall-based stores, even in A-list malls.
*I know of several malls that have more than one sit-down restaurant. This is most common in the former Mills properties (e.g. Gurnee Mills) since they're freaking huge, but it's not unheard of for a mall to have more than one sit-down eatery. [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] 23:28, 12 February 2010 (UTC)

== Tom Goes To Mayor ==
The mayors office in the mall idea is obviously stolen from tom goes 2 mayor given CWC's adult swim fandom. plz insert that into the article--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 03:37, 3 May 2010 (UTC)
*No, it wasn't. Chris has never alluded to Tom Goes to the Mayor. Also the mayor's office in TGttM is located in a strip mall, not a proper shopping mall. [[User:CrassCrab|CrassCrab]] 10:38, 14 August 2010 (PDT)

== as of the current revision, this is the problem with the cwcki (one of them) ==

Chris has said that the City of CWCville owns the mall,[1] ...

Locating a mall in a downtown isn't entirely unfeasible, either. ...

these paragraphs are unnecessary. normally i'd just edit them myself but i'm not a cwcki editor, i'm an admin (for now). i'm just pointing out flaws because champ isn't here to do it more tactfully. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 10:26, 14 August 2010 (PDT)
*It's considered unfeasible, or more appropriately inefficient, because malls generate a lot of traffic. A mall is better situated in an outlying location near suburbs. [[User:CrassCrab|CrassCrab]] 10:32, 14 August 2010 (PDT)
:*shut up crass :( [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 23:32, 1 October 2010 (PDT)
*Paragraphs gone. --[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 14:50, 2 October 2010 (PDT)

CWCville Shopping Center

2010-10-02T21:49:06Z

Kettle5000: Deleted unnecessary paragraphs, edited for English

[[Image:ChrisCWCMall.jpg|thumb|Sonichu and Chris raping the fourth wall in front of the mall (seen here to be called "CWCville Mall" despite other indications of it being called the "CWCville Shopping Center"]]
[[Image:CWCMallSpaz.jpg|thumb|The Mall, as accurately depicted by [[Spazkid28]] in ''Sonichu: The Animated Series''.]]
'''CWCville Shopping Center''' (alternatively known as '''CWCville Mall''') is located at the center of downtown [[CWCville]]. It is the location of Chris's [[CWCville Mayoral Office|Mayoral Office]] and a temple to the rampant consumerism in CWCville. It's also Chris's version of his beloved [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]].

Chris designed the mall as a [[CADD]] project in PVCC, and since [[Hotel Ricky Ricardo|no good school project goes unrecycled and unpublished]], he is now using the design in the comics. The plans were in [[Scrapbook of Fail]],{{cite}} and Chris's original AutoCAD files were leaked.

==Mall Stores==
* [[Wikipedia:Abercrombie & Fitch|Abercrombie & Fitch]]
* Arcade World (Video Games) [Yes, he's written 'Video Games' beside it, as if arcades didn't have them usually.]
* [[Wikipedia:American Eagle Outfitters|American Eagle Outfitters]]
* [http://www.annajoys.com/ Anna Joy's] (local bridal shop)
* April's Sports (local sporting goods)
* [[Wikipedia:Aéropostale (clothing)|Aeropastale [sic]]]
* [[Wikipedia:Bath & Body Works|Bath & Body Works]]
* [[Wikipedia:Big Lots|Big Lots]]
* [http://www.brmsstore.com/ Blue Ridge Sports]
* [[Chris's resume|Books-a-Million]]
* [[Wikipedia:Burger King|Burger King]]
* [http://www.cache.com/cache/control/main Cache] [sic]
* [[Wikipedia:Carlton Cards|Carlton Cards]] [One on each floor for some reason.]
* [[Wikipedia:Cellular One|Cellular One]]
* [[Wikipedia:Champs_(brand)|Champ's [sic]]] Sports
* [[Chick-fil-A]]
* [[Wikipedia:Christopher & Banks|Christopher & Banks]]
* [[Chris and ego|Christopher's Pizza]]
* [http://www.cinnamonster.com Cinnamonster]
* [[Wikipedia:Circuit City|Circuit City]] Express
* [[Wikipedia:Claire's|Claire's Boutique]]
* [[Wikipedia:Coffee Beanery|Coffee Beanery]]
* [[The GAMe PLACe|Comic, Game & Hobby Place]]
* [[Country Cookin]]
* [[Li'l Chris|Create-A-Critter]]
* [[Cutco]] Outlet
* [[Wikipedia:CVS/pharmacy|CVS]]
* [[Wikipedia:Dairy Queen|Dairy Queen]]
* [[Wikipedia:Disney Store|Disney Store]]
* [[Wikipedia:Dollar Tree|Dollar Tree]]
* [[Wikipedia:Finish Line, Inc.|Finish Line]]
* [[Wikipedia:Foot Locker|Footaction USA]]
* [[Wikipedia:Trans_World_Entertainment#f.y.e.|F.Y.E.]]
* [[GameStop]]
* [[Wikipedia:Gap (clothing retailer)|Gap]]
* GCN [? - second floor, he may have meant [[Wikipedia:General Nutrition Centers|GNC]].]
* [http://www.glamourshots.com Glamour Shots]
* [[Wikipedia:NexCen Brands|Great American Cookie]]
* [[Wikipedia:Hat World|Hat World]]
* [[Wikipedia:Hallmark|Hallmark]]
* [[Megan|Hot Topic]]
* [[Wikipedia:J. C. Penney|JCPenny [sic]]]
* [[Wikipedia:Genesco|Journeys]]
* [[Wikipedia:Sterling_Jewelers#Kay_Jewelers|Kay Jewlers]] [sic]
* [[Sonic Watch and Win Sweepstakes|KB Toys]]
* [http://www.kohrbros.com/ Kohr Bros. Frozen Yougurt] [sic]
* [[Wikipedia:Foot Locker|Lady Foot Locker]]
* [[Lego]] Outlet
* [[Wikipedia:LensCrafters|LensCrafters]] [Listed twice beside each other. Probably where Chris got his [[Pedo-glasses|Rapist Glasses]].]
* [[Wikipedia:Limited Brands|Limited]]
* [[Wikipedia:Limited Brands|Limited Too]]
* [http://www.mastercuts.com/ MasterCuts]
* [[McDonald's]]
* [[Wikipedia:Destination Maternity|Motherhood Maternity]]
* [[Wikipedia:Mrs. Fields|Mrs. Field's [sic] Cookies]]
* [[The Tale Of The Crazy Pacer|Pacific Sunwear]]
* Paint & Play (exists, but no website for Virginia chain)
* [[Wikipedia:Payless ShoeSource|Payless Shoe Source]]
* [[Wikipedia:Pearle Vision|Pearl [sic] Vision Express]]
* [[Wikipedia:Radio Shack|Radio Shack]]
* [[Wikipedia:Red Robin|Red Robin]]
* [[Wikipedia:Ritz Camera|Ritz Camera]]
* [http://www.rockstarbodyjewelry.com/ Rock Star Body Jewelry]
* [[Wikipedia:Sam Goody|Sam Goody]]
* [[Wikipedia:Sbarro|Sbarro]]
* [[Wikipedia:Sears|Sears]]
* [[Wikipedia:Spencer Gifts|Spencer Gifts]]
* [[Hannah|Starbucks]]
* [[Wikipedia:Stride Rite Corporation|Stride Rite]]
* [[Wikipedia:Suncoast Motion Picture Company|Suncoast]]
* [[Chris's Sonichu IRC Chloe Introduction|Taco Bell]]
* T&C Nails (no website, likely [[Punchy Sonichu|Chris's view]] [[Chris and race#Asians|of an average nail salon]])
* [http://www.shopbriarpatch.com/ The Briar Patch]
* [http://www.thehappycook.com/ The Happy Cook]
* The [[Pokémon]] Center
* [[The GAMe PLACe|The Toy Place]]
* [http://www.thingsremembered.com/ Things Remembered]
* Tokyo Shogun (Virginia-based Japanese mall cuisine; no website)
* [http://www.tradesecret.com/ Trade Secret]
* [[Wikipedia:Verizon|Verizon]]
* [http://www.victoriasgallery.com/ Victoria's Art Gallery]
* [[Wikipedia:Victoria's Secret|victoria's [sic] Secret]]
* [[Wikipedia:Waldenbooks|Waldenbooks]]
* [[Wikipedia:Warner Bros. Studio Store|Warner Bros. Store]]
* [[Wendy's]]
* [http://www.western-sizzlin.com/sitemap.html Western Sizzlin']
* [[Wikipedia:YesAsia|YesAsia.com]] Outlet Store
* [[Wikipedia:Zale Corporation|Zales Jewelry]]
* [[Wikipedia:Zany Brainy|Zany-Brainy]]

==Non-Store Facilities==
* [[Wikipedia:Bank of America|Bank of America]] ATM
* [[Wikipedia:BB&T|BB&T]] ATM
* [[CWCville Mayoral Office]]
* [[Jerkop|Mall Security]]/Customer Service
* [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|Restrooms]] [Multiple]
* [[Wikipedia:Wachovia|Wachovia]] ATM

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
*[[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] - The IRL version of the CWCville mall.

==External links==
* [http://theinterwebs.googlepages.com/CwcvilleShoppingCenterFloorOne.pdf Plans, Floor 1]
* [http://theinterwebs.googlepages.com/CwcvilleShoppingCenterFloor2.pdf Plans, Floor 2]
* [http://theinterwebs.googlepages.com/MayorsOfficeModel1.pdf Plans, Mayor's Office]
* [http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?we0oddnzwnk Original Project Files]

{{CWCverse}}
[[Category:Places]]

The Wallflower

2010-10-01T14:52:00Z

Kettle5000: /* The Possible Story */ - minor edit for English and flow

[[File:Aliteralallflower.jpg|thumb|The Wallflower, IRL.]]

''For the CWCipedia page, see [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)]].''

{{quote|And, who cares if you're a fucking acoustic virgin?...Not even a cheap whore would want your small dick inside her, neither would I.|The Wallflower, [[Wallflower_E-mails_3|speaking for women everywhere.]]}}

"'''The Wallflower'''" aka '''Damian Antaria''' is the heir to [[Megan Schroeder]], a female friend [[Chris]] met some time around early [[2010]]. She is one of the few girls Chris has managed to associate with in his post-high-school years who is not (as far as can be seen) a direct result of [[trolling]]. In [[March 2010]], she joined the long list of would-be [[sweetheart]]s with whom Chris has failed to lose his hated virginity.

Whether or not the Megan-esque ending of their relationship is actually to blame on the trolls or is a direct result of Chris being himself is unknown. There is evidence that the Wallflower has been made aware of the [[CWCki]], but given Chris's past record of making an absolute retard of himself in every way imaginable, it is not unrealistic to consider that Chris himself scared the Wallflower away with his pungent aroma of [[Chris and health#Hygiene|sweat]], [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit]], and [[AXE]]. Nevertheless, Chris has taken it upon himself to blame those goddamn trolls for destroying yet another chance at getting some [[china]].

==References by Chris==
Exactly when Chris first met her is not clear, though it is suspected that [[Rocky]] may have had something to do with it. While he jumped at the chance to advertise his involvement with some of his other women friends to the world, he initially made only oblique, passing references to this one. (Also, less information was forthcoming about this particular sweetheart than some because unlike, say, [[PandaHalo]], she wasn't actively leaking every detail of her communications with Chris to fellow trolls.)
[[File:ClydeandLovelyweather.jpg|thumb|The Wallflower on her [[third date]] with [[Clyde Cash]].]]
The first signs of Chris's involvement with the Wallflower showed up in late January 2010. In [[Mailbag 46]], answered on 26 January, Chris claimed to have joined a "Young Adult Social Group" and "met a lovely woman there who likes me too; we are hitting it off like two hip wallflowers." This makes it likely that she also has da autism, as there are many social groups in place for people with autism who do not have social lives otherwise. Around the same time, in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3]] (which took place on 30 January), Chris said he was expecting a phone call that may have been from her.

In the 14 February 2010 edition of the [[CWC Blog]], Chris declared that "currently, my girl friend and I are getting along great; the relationship is progressing. I only ask for y'all to leave me with my relationship, and not make me feel intruded by inquiring constantly." When a correspondent in [[Mailbag 56]] challenged Chris to prove the existence of his new "girl friend," Chris replied "She does exist, and I do not appreciate your tone at all."

It's not clear how far the relationship actually "progressed," however. Chris, we can be certain, had designs on a physical relationship with her from the start. He has no truck with the notion of "[[Friend zone|just friends]]." The Wallflower may have felt otherwise, which could explain Chris's angry remarks on the subject of the "friend zone" in the [[Common Questions#15_January_2010|15 January 2010]] edition of the Mailbag. His [["Damian_Antaria",_PLEASE,_Don't_Leave_Me_-_I_NEED_YOU!!!|abject plea to her]] from 14 March supports this supposition — in that video, Chris says that while they were acquainted, she told him she wasn't interested in a boyfriend. However, he implied that she was now thinking of dating some other guy, making it quite likely that she used "not interested in a boyfriend" as a polite way of turning Chris down. It's far more polite than "Fuck no, you disgusting freak."

In [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|a series of e-mails to Vivian]], it was revealed that Chris had been seeing the Wallflower for awhile, treating her as his girlfriend in almost the same manner he had treated Megan. He had taken her out on a date and had plans for a second. He even admitted to attempting to talk her into taking his [[virgin with rage|virginity]] on or before his birthday and had planned to pay of prostitute if she did not.

Even with all evidence to the contrary, in his [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|C-Ya Later video]], he unabashedly [[Chris and Reality|refers to her as his]] [[Boyfriend-free girl|"girlfriend"]], despite outright stating earlier that she had refused all his advances.

A series of [[Wallflower E-mails|e-mails]] revealed by [[Surfshack Tito]] reveals what had been just speculation: that indeed Chris's attachment to the Wallflower had been a one-sided relationship to Chris as the Wallflower, indeed, had no intention of being with Chris and was shocked and appalled at the fact that Chris even ''thought'' that she was his sweetheart.

==Breakup?==
{{quote|Got-Dang Asexual Woman!|Chris in his [[CWCipedia]] page on The Wallflower}}
[[File:The link.jpg|thumb|How to troll both Chris and his trolls in one simple step.]]
When it was found out that Chris had a possibly non-troll gal-pal, most of the trolls agreed that the best course of action was to let the events play out on their own and have her find out herself what a [[Chris and Race|racist]], [[Sex|sexist]], [[Homos|homophobic]], [[Monthly Tugboat|lazy]], [[Health|unhygienic]], [[Ego|narcissistic]], [[Hypocrisy|hypocritical]], [[naive]], and overall [[The Creepy Stare|creepy]] manchild Chris was. Despite this, one troll decided to fuck it all up and link her to the CWCki.

On 10 March 2010, Chris released [[A message to the Trolls]]. Emotionally distraught, he speaks in vague terms about troll interference in his life, and of the pains of a broken heart. At the same time, in a [[Cwc_blog|Captain's Log]] entry on the CWCipedia, Chris mentioned "BREAK-UPS FROM BEING EVEN SIMPLY FRIENDS WITH ME", which presumably refers to her cutting off all contact with him.

In the wee hours of 11 March 2010, Chris released [[Don't Mess With Me|a second video]], mentioning a theoretical meeting between him and an imaginary [[Clyde Cash]]. He beats the shit out of himself and the air, pulls out a tiny little [[pocket knife]] and cuts the throat of his invisible enemy, making it seem as if he blames the loss of the Wallflower or some other troubles on his old nemesis Clyde.

On 14 March 2010, Chris uploaded a new video and appeared to shift the blame to another troll, [[Surfshack Tito]]. In between delivering [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|bizarre threats of violence]], Chris makes a resolution to "regain the love and trust and friendship" of his gal-pal. It is not clear why Chris believes he can accomplish this goal by donning a kilt, waving around a small knife, putting on a grotesque attempt at a Scottish accent, and generally presenting a hideous affront to the culture and people of an entire nation.

Later that same day, Chris made [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|another video]] (in a different shirt, suggesting he woke up in the early afternoon) where he again referred to The Wallflower by her pen name, and literally begged her to sleep with him because his life was so hard, and otherwise he would have to pay $100 for sex with a hooker. The fact that at no point did he say anything along the lines of "Ignore the trolls" suggests that, ultimately, Wallflower finding out about the CWCki was not why she broke contact with him. Especially so when you consider that the video was about him singing about how he hates her boyfriend despite knowing nothing about him.

In the [[Surfshack Tito Emails]], Chris is mocked by Tito claiming to have had sex with the Wallflower. While Chris was initially incredulous, in a [[Chris Drops the N-Bomb|later video]] he expressed outrage at Tito for "taking her from [him]", implying that he believes that the Wallflower is involved with Tito in some capacity.

The [[Wallflower E-mails 3|third set of e-mails to the Wallflower]] finally confirms what had happened. As seen, the Wallflower was outright shocked at the vastness of information on her page within the [[CWCki]] and blamed Chris for setting it up there, ending their friendship. Chris, however, fought tooth and nail to keep their friendship, angering her even more. She also asserted her asexuality by first saying that Tito was indeed her boyfriend before giving up and just telling him that she was asexual.

==The Possible Story==

Combined with various e-mails and clues from other sources, a somewhat-clear series of events of how this month-long [[saga]] unfolded can be put together as follows:

The Wallflower was sent to the Youth Adult Social Group at the advice of her mother. While there, she ran into Chris, and was more than content with being just friends. Chris, however, saw something more: he saw his [[sweetheart]] that would make everything better. So much so that he was willing to drive Alec away just to talk to her. A few trips to a restaurant was all Chris needed to confirm it: The Wallflower was indeed his girlfriend. He would confirm this during one of his Mailbox sessions.

As February rolled through, Chris and the Wallflower plotted out the girl's freshman novel as Chris plotted to win some well-deserved [[china]]. As his birthday approached, he told [[Vivian Gee]] about his plans to lose his virginity and how he wanted to do so through the Wallflower. However, the Wallflower would not have it: her story came before her sex life. Shot down, Chris was heartbroken but unwilling to give up.

As March started, Chris's ego finally won out; despite his desire to keep his gal-pal away from the [[trolls]], Chris posted up a level he made out of [[LittleBigPlanet]] showcasing the Wallflower's work via [[video games]]. However, Chris made a big mistake: he gave out a name. Dedicated trolls from [[/cwc/]] were quick to put together all possible dox on the Wallflower and posted it on the [[CWCki]] post-haste. Many were willing to leave things at that, and let the lulz come naturally. However, someone decided it would be funny if the Wallflower found out about Chris's e-infamy and linked her to the CWCki. The Wallflower was horrified at what she saw, and thought Chris had posted the page about her. Horrified and betrayed, the Wallflower shut Chris out.

Chris, couldn't understand what had happened and was quick to blame everyone but himself, including the trolls who he believed were just jealous of what he had and his fans, whom he felt that they ruined his relationship just because they wanted more of his comics. Chris continued to contact the Wallflower, hoping to recover her friendship as he fought with the one who claimed to destroy it, [[Surfshack Tito]], but she shut him out for good.

With one last shot, combined with the vandalism of his [[CWCkipedia]], Chris would start his "abandonment" of the Internet.

==Anonymity==
[[File:Stephen-king-picture-1.jpg|thumb|A picture of the Wallflower. Censored at her request.]]
Originally, this article intruded into parts of the Wallflower's life that had nothing to do with Chris, prompting her to request that the article be reworked to refer to her under a pseudonym and avoid direct references to her personal life and identity. The CWCki's administrators reasonably agreed.

Chris is convinced that this change took place because of the angry threats he made in his video of 10 March 2010, when in fact it had nothing to do with him. The changes to this page led him to believe that he could insist on sweeping edits to many other pages, which he listed in the 14 March 2010 Captain's Log update on the CWCipedia. Those demands were ignored.

The e-mails from the Wallflower seem to paint a fuller picture to this. It appears that when the Wallflower discovered her page on the CWCki, she got pissed at Chris and demanded that he remove that information. However, he did it through his [[YouTube]] videos. Annoyed, she went to the CWCki herself.

Despite his (for once successful) attempts at having her docs removed from the internet, Chris continually drops her first name and pen-name in his videos, including [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|one]] which [[Fail|has it in the title]].

Chris has also uploaded [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)|a list of his former gal-pals and sweethearts]] on the CWCipedia which includes both her middle and last names. Chris goes on to blame the existence of her Facebook page for the leak of her identity and the end of their budding relationship. He says he "learned from [his] mistakes there", but people with working mental faculties are, however, puzzled by the fact that even after that alleged introspection, he's continuing to release all of this information. On 19 [[April 2010]], in an attempt to keep her anonymous, Chris added a [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)|FULL PAGE]] about her to the CWCipedia. The said page is filled with megalomania, fantasies and death threats with Chris painting himself as a hero.

==See also==
*[[Wallflower E-mails]]
*[[Wallflower E-mails 2]]
*[[Wallflower E-mails 3]]

==External links==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Damien_Anteria|linkname=Damien Antaria}}
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=do6CczCBplA Tribute]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Wallflower}}
{{People}}
{{Sweethearts}}

Chris and negotiation

2010-09-07T16:04:18Z

Kettle5000: /* Mary Lee Walsh */

When dealing with [[Chris]], trolls often experience a unique form of '''negotiation'''. Due to a severe sense of [[Chris and his Ego|entitlement]], a [[Barb|lifetime of coddling]] and [[autism|other factors beyond his control]], Christian Weston Chandler has no grasp of how to compromise, and often fails to understand what sort of bargaining position he's in.

Often, trolls blackmailing Chris will find him making demands of them, as if he were the one with leverage. Conversely, some have experienced the oddity of having Chris run away from a situation where he was purposely given the upper hand. When it comes to dealing with Chris directly, one can only expect that he will always take the path of least resistance, even if it doesn't benefit him.

[[Image:0781-CWCspdbed.JPG|thumb|right|Chris waiting for his [[china]] to come to him]]
{{quote|[[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'M WORKIN' ON IT!!!]]| Christian Weston Chandler on everything and anything}}

==Concept of Compromise==
Negotiation is based on compromise. Both parties must work together and make concessions to each other in order to find the best possible solution to their problems in a satisfactory manner. Chris doesn't understand this, and arguably ''cannot'' understand this, given his severely stunted ability to understand that other people have thoughts and feelings that differ from his own. Being completely ego-centric, Chris believes that, in any exchange, both parties must share the same viewpoint: his. Chris can't stand any form of prolonged confrontation and quickly tires if his demands aren't met exactly as he has made them.

On numerous occasions, Chris has tried to negotiate either by making ridiculous demands or outright refusing to give anything up (or do anything at all for that matter). After he makes his case, his mind is "closed on the matter" and he is unwilling to budge. When further pressed, he often shuts down completely and walks away from the table, into the waiting arms of his [[PS3|hugbox]].

==Examples of Negotiation==

===Mary Lee Walsh===
One of the earliest examples of Chris's attempts at negotiations was after his expulsion from his [[PVCC|community college]]. In emails between [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and himself, Chris was unapologetic about an outburst that he had had in their previous meeting. Instead of apologizing, Chris offered to "never hang notes on the wall again", and to consider "stopping my Silent Treatment" of Susan Hannifan, a PVCC Guidance Counselor. To further sweeten the deal, Chris offered to "knock[...] [Walsh] and Susan up my scale of Respect each by 2 points". Ignoring the horrible choice of words in regards to "knocking up" two of his female superiors, Chris believed that an imaginary measurement of his personal opinion was an [[Chris and his ego|extremely important]] bargaining chip. This is an example of how Chris behaves in negotiations where he wants something from another person - by offering minimal effort on his part, but expecting full returns from the other party.

===Miyamoto saga===
During the Nintendo saga, [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] stated that Chris must meet him at Nintendo's American headquarters in Redmond, Washington. Chris handled this by making a video where he pretended to come back from Redmond, when he actually never left the house. Chris demanded that the CEO of an international company come to HIS house and meet with him. When Chris was pressed as to why the meeting had to be at his house, Chris said that he had no money. When he was asked why he had no money, he said he had no job. When he was asked why he didn't have a job, Chris made various excuses and cited his very brief employment at [[Wendy's]]. He also insulted Miyamoto, asking him "Are you the "Mario" who Plays Fair, or the "Bowser/Koopa" who Cheats and Lies?" This sort of "pass the buck" attitude is very common when dealing with Chris. Nothing negative can ever be his fault.

===[[Audiobooks]]===
In [[2009]], Chris came into contact with [[Vivian Gee]], a white knight who eventually turned troll. Vivian was very helpful to Chris at first, but Chris refused to hear any of her input. As a result, their relationship soured, and Vivian started a popular Sonichu parody audio book that Chris despised. [[4 September 2009|Chris ranted and raved]], demanding that audio books be removed. They were not, but one month later, Chris quickly changed his tune. After taking out a [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] on the [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|NAME "Sonichu"]], Chris believed he now had magical copyright powers, and demanded that Vivian give him 25% of all the profits she'd made from the audiobooks (SPOILER ALERT: 25% of zero is zero). Suddenly, something that he had made death threats over, was not only welcome, but he was demanding to be part of it.

===Sweetheart sagas===
Whenever Chris wants to meet one of his "[[sweethearts]]" in real life, he usually wants them to come to him, no matter how difficult such a trip would be. He wanted [[PandaHalo]] to come to him despite her living in Australia. He wanted [[Julie]] to come to him even though she was supposedly a poor immigrant who couldn't afford a car or bus fare. He wanted [[Kacey]] to come to him even though she lived in the DC area, which is an hour or so from Ruckersville.

One of the most recent sweethearts, [[Jackie e-mails|Jackie]], was willing to have a relationship with Chris as long as he tried to become a better person. Instead of trying to put in a minimal amount of effort and try to better himself, he decided to end things.

During the Julie saga, Chris made a number of deals with Clyde Cash and The Miscreants, all of which he reneged on:

*In the first deal, Chris agreed to do a video where he came out of the closet in order to save Julie's life. In the [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_February_5th,_2009#Take_1|first take]], he called himself a "[[gaybian]]", which was done so that he could somehow say he was gay without actually calling himself gay. He did a [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_February_5th,_2009#Take_2|second take]] where he clearly stated that he was being forced to say he was gay. When he actually did call himself a homosexual, he mumbled it and stated he was "guhhhhh".

*The second deal was that Chris would clean his room in order to save Julie's life and that he would do a video in order to prove it was clean. In order to avoid actually having to clean his room, he merely pushed some of his stuff aside and filmed his floor for 30 seconds before he did his [[Captain's_Log,_Stardate_February_10th,_2009|Captain's Log]].

*The final deal resulted in the infamous [[Julie Reveals Herself]] call. [[BlueSpike]], as both Julie and her kid brother Max, had gained access to Chris's [[PSN]] account. In the guise of Max, he offered Chris an ultimatum: The PSN and Yahoo accounts or Julie. In a conversation before the call, Chris told Max that he chose Julie, believing he would get everything. Right when "Max" put "Julie" on, Chris immediately asked "her" to get his PSN and Yahoo back. Failing that, he tried to guilt Max into giving it back to him. In the main call, Max gives Chris one last chance to change his choice. He sticks with Julie, despite the hold that his PSN account has over him. When Max threatened to sell his account on eBay, he revealed that he "made the right choice" and that he deserves his PSN.

===Chris, CWCipedia captain===
When he was given [[CWCipedia|his own wiki]] for free, he demanded complete executive control from day one. In Chris's mind this meant that every demand he made would be fulfilled by the staff, and that anything done without his permission would be removed immediately. He insisted on a gaudy background, and [[CWCipedia#Traitorous_mutiny|threatened to stop working]] whenever the [[Cogsdev|webmaster]] displeased him. Later, when [[Jack Thaddeus]] graciously paid for the CWCipedia's webspace with ads featuring homoerotic images, Chris went on a tirade. Chris immediately demanded that they be taken down, but refused to even consider paying for his own website. When removal failed, he said that he wanted them to be smaller, as if he had some say in how large advertisements were. Chris had no concept of how advertising worked, but merely assumed that he had the final say in everything.

Later, during the "popularity contest" between [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] and [[Asperchu]], he tried to make amends with [[Alec Benson Leary]] in an effort to remove Asperchu ads from the front page of the CWCipedia. However, instead of making reparations, Chris demanded that Alec tell his fans to go back to Sonichu. Chris, who was in no position to make requests, attached several "clauses" to his apologies. In fact, Chris's list of demands was larger than the apology they were bundled with. All of this came after Chris drew a comic where he broke into Alec's house, stole a dating game from his Xbox 360, blew up said Xbox, and freed a group of Rosechus that he implied were the victims of sexual abuse. After finally fulfilling most of Alec's requests in a substandard and slapdash manner, Chris killed him, his webmaster and two other comic artists in [[Sonichu 10]] as some sort of childish form of revenge.

===PlayStation 3===
Often, trolls will gain access to Chris's PSN, and make various demands. The most common of these demands is that he sell or throw out some of his beloved toys or games. Despite his claims that he plays with everything in his room, a quick glance at his PSN account shows otherwise. Most of his PSN activity is divided between [[LittleBigPlanet]], God of War 3 and [[ModNation Racers]], which leaves most of his [[List of Chris's games|vast collection of games]] untouched. Even though he doesn't use the majority of the toys and games he owns, he refuses to sell them. This refusal is usually followed up by him saying that he doesn't have the money to do something that would improve his life.

Between late [[August 2010]] and early [[September 2010]], Chris was met with the opportunity (not really) of gaining $9,001 in exchange for the [[The MovingForward videos|destruction of]] [[ItIsFinished.MOV|his PS3]]. Needless to say, [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|it didn't go well]]. The bounty was only for trolls and was, in turn, fake. However, Chris tried to haggle (albeit ''very'' poorly) with [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]] to get something that never existed. The ultimate result of this was Chris [[Charlottesville Fashion Square#Chris captured on video|actually waiting for his money at the Charlottesville Fashion Square]] after being tricked into going there. After realizing he had been tricked, he ended by telling them to "go point at your own damn snouts and Oink like [[South Park|Eric Cartman]], and then [[Rape]] yourselves with your own Damn [[Sex toys|Darth Maul Dual Light Saber]]."

==Chris's Tactics==
===Ignoring reality===
When Chris is faced with a task requiring any effort on his part, or involves something that does not benefit him, he completely ignores it. Chris automatically disregards anything that will not benefit him immediately, or almost immediately. The hardest part of negotiating with Chris, is that, if you make a demand that he does not agree to, he shuts down. Like a spoiled infant, Chris will not even deal with something that isn't self-serving and easy.

On the other hand, when you have something Chris wants, Chris will not give up until he has acquired it, on his own terms. When the road to a reward has a sign that bluntly says Chris is not eligible, he will attempt to get the reward anyway, or claim that the rules are discriminatory and unfair. Chris will pursue his goal thoughtlessly and simplemindedly, often ignoring even the idea that he might not get what he wants. In the process, he frequently acts as if he has some sort of leverage even in situations where this is manifestly not the case — he continually made demands of the CWCipedia's administrators, for instance, despite the fact that they had full control over the website and he had none.

===Altering reality===
In some instances (the rare ones that he actually does what he was instructed to), anything said or done he feels slandered his good name he will simply state are lies and instruct everyone to ignore them, then will [[Mailbag 2|close his mind]] on the subject. This is [[Chris|retarded]] for two reasons. By telling his "fans" to ignore the lies, he is alerting "fans" that are a little behind on what's happening with Chris of their existence, making more people see them than would have if he didn't acknowledge them. He is also showing he is clearly aware of their existence, and still insisting they are lies.

===Delays===
When Chris has to meet a requirement during a negotiation (ESPECIALLY deadlines), he will explain that he is "working on it". To Chris, saying this is an acceptable substitute for actual work, whether or not he is indeed "working on it". If, in his own good time, Chris feels inclined to fulfill the deal, he'll submit whenever he wants to, regardless of the original agreement, well after the deadline. If the agreement was that he would receive something for the "work" done, he will demand it unceasingly, despite not holding up his end of the deal in any way, shape, or form.

Even if Chris somehow agrees to a set of terms, he will try to get around them. If he agrees to give something up for someone, he will go behind that person's back in order to get it back so that he could have both. If he agrees to draw a comic, he will most likely do something easier, like make a video or write a blog entry, figuring that that counts as work. If he agrees to willingly slander himself (like calling himself gay, for instance), he'll either mumble it so that it's incomprehensible, or he'll hide his face.

{{incomplete}}
{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Talk:Matthew Nobles call

2010-08-16T20:31:14Z

Kettle5000: /* Sent video to Michael Snyder */

This is important shit guys, mostly detailing Bob's theory of the conspiracy that trolling originated from [[Megan]], Michael Synder, and "a few gay guys."--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:38, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:Yeah, this is awesome. Now, if we had Matthew's email, we could verify the "George Millson" case a few of us are looking into, seeing as it's possible proof of Chris hypnotizing someone into believing Chris is a good person. --[[User:Eniggy|Eniggy]] 19:02, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
::What are you talking about? --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 20:13, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:::Either look at the talk pages of either CypherFDP, Msummers or me, or email enginegeorge@yahoo.com asking what happened between him and Chris. --[[User:Eniggy|Eniggy]] 20:41, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
* Most upsetting Bob oriented thing to date. He's equally responsible for Chris growing up to be a useless sack of shit. I liked the world better when I thought it was all Barb's fault. [[User:Sully|Sully]] 19:06, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
** It's the final proof that Chris's vague understanding of reality and tendency towards conspiracy are just him puppetting his senile father and white trash mother. --[[User:TubularMonkey|TubularMonkey]] 20:04, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
*** I think you mean "parotting". I doubt Chris is able to project his delusions onto even his own parents. --[[User:SeventhBase|Seventh]][[User Talk:SeventhBase|Base]] 23:14, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
*** Even further than that, the fact that Chris didn't tell his parents about his near-arrest and tried to hide it proves that he is either very afraid of them or will do anything to avoid trouble (even if it is impractical or impossible). I'm also very interested in this apparent theft of Chris's funds. I'm wondering if someone really did break in to mess with his account, or whether Chris bought more shit than he could afford, and is trying to cover it up by claiming "trolls did it" --[[User:SargentPickles|SargentPickles]] 20:25, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
Who is that at the end? Sounds like Chris but...really off... - [[User:Captainhowdy|Captainhowdy]] 20:02, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
* Snorlaxicus Maximus. --[[User:TubularMonkey|TubularMonkey]] 20:04, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
** Oh snap! So is this her longest appearance in recorded media? - [[User:Captainhowdy|Captainhowdy]] 20:06, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
*** This needs to get transcribed, this is really good material. [[User:Notslowpoke|Notslowpoke]] 20:13, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
**** ffffffffffffffff why did it get cut off at the end? i wanna hear more of snorlax's rambling --This post brought to you by [[User:ShotgunJones|ShotgunJones]] 20:17, 15 August 2010 (PDT). Thanks for reading!

Nine hours without a transcription. Sons, I am disapoint.
:I'm on the part where Bob talks about trolls hacking Chris's e-mails. This shit is gold. --[[User:Espanolic|Espanolic]] 20:44, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:*Fuck. As usual, something new comes along when I'm at work. I'll take a look as soon as I get home, assuming Beat doesn't get word of this and leap upon it like the sexy, caped crusader for justice that he is. --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 21:01, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

Transcribed. Hopefully without too many mistakes. I'll colorize it as soon as I get myself nice and drunk. --[[User:RTBHBX|RTBHBX]] 21:02, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:And colored. Tugboat Captain if you see any of your additions that I missed coloring, sorry, and please reinsert them. Oh, and I redacted the gAME pLACE phone number because I wasn't sure how kosher it was. If anyone wants to throw it in go right on ahead. --[[User:RTBHBX|RTBHBX]] 21:25, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:* Added a thing here or there, I was working on transcribing it for the past few hours too, but ya beat me to it.--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 22:48, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

And maybe it's just me, but when Matthew says his own name at the beggining, it soulds like Nobles, with an "s". Confirm/deny? Anybody actually know him (how'd we get this in the first place)? --[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 22:52, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
**Actually, I've listened to it, and it really does sound like he's saying Nobles. - [[User:CypherFDP|CypherFDP]] 02:58, 16 August 2010 (PDT)

==File format==
Could someone with a converter link to an mp3 version of the file? None of the media players on my computer support .ogg files. [[User:Ganondorfdude11|Ganondorfdude11]] 19:47, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

*Use VLC, dude.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:48, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

== Best Buy/Bank incident ==

Do we know more about this bank incident? Sounds to me like Chris probably got caught up in some sort of scam and blamed the DAMN DIRTY TROLLS for it. [[User:KarryLing|KarryLing]] 22:09, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:Considering how stupid and naive Chris is, I wouldn't put it past him. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 22:26, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:So, either trolls deliberatley going after him, some usual credit card fraud that happened to happen to Chris, or Chris lying out his ass to try to cover himself. Either way, Matthew is a master of Zen for speaking with a straight voice after that paragraph.--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 22:47, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:I doubt it's as much "credit card fraud" as Chris-chan [[Chris and money|being his own spend-spreeing self]]. Bob got a wind of his statement, and Chris did the first thing that came to his mind: blame someone else. --[[User:SeventhBase|Seventh]][[User Talk:SeventhBase|Base]] 23:09, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
::Either way, if trolls actually did it or Chris did it and is now lying about it, someone could get in some serious trouble for credit card fraud. If it is indeed Chris' doing, this could get good. [[User:KarryLing|KarryLing]] 01:36, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
:::Well, if it ''is'' Chris' own fault (which *is* the most probable scenario), it's not fraud- if somehow he did commit fraud, it'd be entirely on accident, I'm sure. Lying to your parents about your massive debt; dumb as all fuck (read: par for course), but not illegal. Chris stealing his parents cards; that IS fraud, but the only way that'd get taken to court is if Bob and Snorlax themselves somehow decided to kick Chris out and sue him. As fucking awesome as that'd be, not a chance in hell. --[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 02:03, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
:::: I think Chris just spent too much money and blamed those DAMN DIRTY TROLLS--[[User:Monkeytacoz|Monkeytacoz]] 07:48, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
:::: What I meant by fraud is assuming that somehow (Likely through Bob or Barbara) Chris finds out that he can call the credit card company and say that the charges were unauthorized and get them taken off the account. I could see Chris abusing this very quickly. [[User:KarryLing|KarryLing]] 12:13, 16 August 2010 (PDT)

==Follow up call?==
I totally think somebody should phone them up again pretending to be the owner of the GAMe PLACe this time, following on from this comment from Bob:

''"Now, if you would like to have me talk to your owner I would be glad to- and my wife would be glad to go to a meeting with him about your place and how it's corrupting the whole neighborhood!"''

It'd be nice to hear some more conspiratorial shit from Boblax about how the GAMe PLACe is "corrupting the whole neighborhood!", and we know that they are chomping at the bit to talk to the owner. Just a though...-[[User:Beemunk|Beemunk]] 22:17, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

*"It's all a plot by the GAMe PLACe in league with the Greene County School District to persecute our son for being autistic. The Jews and gays are sent by them to harass Christian just for being the understanding, God-fearing, well-adjusted, mature young man we raised him to be. There's also some connection to the hispanics and blacks to keep him from getting a job and taking away all the white women keeping him from his true love."--[[User:PhilRaptor|PhilRaptor]] 23:29, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

:*Could be worse: Bob and Chris could know the word "Sheeple."--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 00:57, 16 August 2010 (PDT)

::*Worse yet, Bob could know people in the Tea Party. --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 09:03, 16 August 2010 (PDT)

==You do realize...==
That Matthew sounds just like Alec Benson Leary right? Coincidence? I think not. --[[User:Caboose -1|Caboose -1]] 22:50, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:Apparently we don't like to disclose identities of trolls, but I think "ALB" of the calls, the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] cameraman, and the Mr. Hyde of [[Magical Man Potion]] are the same person. Probably a Charlottesville FA. --[[User:SeventhBase|Seventh]][[User Talk:SeventhBase|Base]] 23:07, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
::I thought the same thing when he started talking. This is the most interesting thing to happen in months, hopefully we can find out about the credit card business and all of that. --[[User:Straw|Straw]] 23:28, 15 August 2010 (PDT)

== Letter ==

What sort of letter would Bob want to be sent? Chris steals troll-related mail and Bob is already talking to the (supposed) Game Place employee on the phone, so what sense does it make to want a letter? --[[User:Straw|Straw]] 23:49, 15 August 2010 (PDT)
:Bob doesn't know that Chris steals the troll mail.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 00:03, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
::Too bad we do not know the mechnics of how exactly. Like does Bob or Snorlax actually get the mail out of the box, or does Chris do it? If maybe Bob would see stuff on a postcard before Chris got to it.--[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 00:55, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
:::Well, if they receive a large number of postcards/letters over one day or a week containing information they may not know (house tour still being online and whatever else people can think of), they would have a better chance of seeing something or Chris getting freaked out at all these letters coming in from around the country. --[[User:Straw|Straw]] 03:53, 16 August 2010 (PDT)

== Sent video to Michael Snyder ==

I sent the video to Michael on YouTube; he needs to get a hold of this and address the video considering that Bob and Barb want to talk to him THAT bad. Even though he probably gets hundreds of messages and somebody may have already sent him the vid, I just felt it was important that he got a hold of this. --[[User:Famicon64|Famicon64]] 10:00, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
:Isn't there a possibility Michael won't be happy that someone is pretending to work at the Game Place? I don't really know his personality or how he feels about the trolling but if it brings him into it I'm not really sure if he wants that. --[[User:Straw|Straw]] 10:05, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
::I bet Mike would see the caller's intentions (knock sense into Chris's parents); even though he might be a little miffed that someone was posing as an employee of his store, he's unlikely to go ballistic over the matter like Chris would because the caller was only trying to reason with Chris's parents. --[[User:Famicon64|Famicon64]] 10:21, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
:::Regardless how he takes the use of his store as a cover, I am sure Mike will be more than glad to share with us his views of his rise to fame as a conspiracy mastermind. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 10:38, 16 August 2010 (PDT)
::I was just thinking this as well. Posing as anyone from The Game Place is pretty risky. There's a big potential for collateral damage to innocent parties. --[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 13:31, 16 August 2010 (PDT)

Chris and the law

2010-06-08T20:52:06Z

Kettle5000: Edited for better English and flow.

[[Image:116-CWCCop.jpg|thumb|Chris aways keeps an eye out for criminal scum who would dare steal [[Sonichu]].]]

'''Laws''' are rules set up to help keep citizens in check. They are usually enforced by [[Jerkops|the law enforcement]] of that area and penalties are placed on those who don't follow the laws.

For [[Chris]], however, these just serve as another deterrent in his quest for [[china]].

==Understanding==
{{quote|I have been giving him reasons since the police came in June of 2008, and nothing has sunken into that clown head of his.|[[Michael Snyder]]}}

[[Image:Impliedshooting.jpg|thumb|left|Chris implying guns are the answer.]]

Like his grip on [[Chris and reality|reality]], Chris's understanding of the law is tenuous at best. He regularly threatens trolls with legal action, and makes no distinction in severity between a troll threatening violence against Chris and a troll uploading a harmless picture of [[Rosechu]] with a [[pickle]] to the internet. As a matter of fact, Chris himself is prone to making [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|extremely violent threats]], such as threatening to murder [[Vivian]] and her entire family because of the [[audiobooks]]. He's done everything from calling the police to convincing his father to write to then-[[George W. Bush|President Bush]] in an attempt to get rid of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page. He has even attempted (poorly) to impersonate the President in a hilarious attempt to convince the trolls at ED to take down his page.<ref>http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=prev&oldid=1997405266</ref> He's even attempted to contact current [[Barack Obama|President Obama]] to stop people from posting gay ads! Chris also believes that the laws in [[CWCville]] and the laws stated in [[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!|Mailbag 55]] should be enforced ''in real life.''

Chris himself doesn't have much respect for laws and rules, at least when [[Chris and hypocrisy|their enforcement inconveniences him]]. During his time at [[Get-Tar Region|Target]] he didn't see anything wrong with exploiting the free refill policy and loitering for hours at a time in a privately-owned establishment while harassing female customers and apparently [[Attraction Sign|soliciting sex]]. Chris feels that his [[Virgin with Rage|emotional state]] entirely justifies his actions at times, stating in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|Vivian's AIM Chat]] that he should be excused for disturbing the peace by literally shouting "[[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"|NOOOOOOO!]]" loudly in the middle of a crowded mall.

Self-contradictory to a fault, though, Chris is happy to meticulously follow some laws while ignoring others at the same time. In [[Sonichu Special 4]], his cartoon avatar makes a point of obeying the exact speed limit...while on his way to confront [[CChanSonichuCWC]] and commit assault with a deadly weapon upon him. Any intelligent and decent person could tell you which of these laws is more important, but Chris is neither intelligent nor decent. In [[05142010|a recent video]], Chris states that a man deserves only 20 years in prison for brutally beating his girlfriend to death with his bare hands, which is just twice the penalty he wants for smoking. Also he believes that the archaic practice of hard labor as seen in such venues as Bugs Bunny cartoons still exists.

In addition, Chris has very little respect for [[Jerkops|those who enforce the law]]:

{{quote|Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Has.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off. |Excerpt from Chris's [[CWC's Diary|diary]]}}

The above quote pretty much defines Chris's attitude towards law enforcement officials. He feels that it is completely appropriate to flip off, insult, lie to, and ''attempt to hit, with his car,'' people who are simply doing their jobs (although the tale may be exaggerated, it is nonetheless pretty damn awful). And, of course, as any rational person (i.e., anyone who's not Chris) would understand, running away from law enforcement officials is a seriously bad idea. Chris is truly a rebel without a cause or effect.

==Law troubles==

On [[2004|September 11, 2004]], Chris was detained at the [[Fashion Square Mall]] for loitering, and continually arguing with the staff over a number of months. The incident is depicted in [[Sub-Episode 1]]. Chris was banned from returning to the mall on his own and without his parents' company. However, it appears that this ban was lifted or ignored soon afterward.

On [[July 2005|July 20, 2005]], Chris was charged with disorderly conduct and trespassing at [[Target]]<ref name="Criminal Searches">[http://www.criminalsearches.com/details.aspx?id=w1x00xC8&vw=criminal&1=Wpem9DAEtHH%2fFwSXuzfStJ2LvpHgv1YXUU3kPiyr3%2fQ%3d&input=name CriminalSearches.com], which has the Virginia Administrative Office of the Courts as their source</ref>, as depicted in [[Sub-Episode 7]] and [[Sub-Episode 8]]. After two hearings,<ref name="Criminal Searches" /><ref>[[MySpace#Lindsay]]</ref> prosecutors chose to drop the case and Chris was not punished.

Five days later, on [[July 2005|July 25, 2005]], Chris caused an auto accident when he followed another car too closely and rear-ended it. This went to court on September 12th.<ref name="Criminal Searches" /> He was fined $30 and had to pay $56 in costs.

Chris's various run-ins at [[The Game Place]] has resulted in the cops being called on him a couple times; at least once after Chris called in his parents after he was initially banned from the location and tried to weasel his way back in, and again when he [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|trespassed on the property]], though he wasn't charged with anything on either occasion. It is likely that the only reason Chris isn't sitting in a cell right now for violating Virginia law is because he wasn't at The Game Place when the cops showed up after his April 2010 unbanning attempt.

On 4 [[June 2010]], Chris made yet another pilgrimage to The Game Place, violating his ban once again. Chris was armed with his camera, and while Mike was concerned that Chris wanted pictures of his daughter for [[Mass Debating|disturbing reasons]], Chris maintains that he merely wanted a picture of Mike [[Death threats|for use as a dartboard]]. Still disturbing, but in entirely different ways. This time Chris was actually caught on the scene, despite trying to run away, and was questioned by the police, who made him delete the pictures he had taken, and basically told him to quit his shit. Chris made his [[6 June 2010]] video in response to these events.

==Chris's parents and law==

It's not hard to figure out why Chris thinks the law should serve him and him alone. His parents, too, have the same problem.

* When Chris was thrown out of the Cub Scouts for an unknown event, his parents attempted to sue the Boy Scouts of America for discrimination.
* When Chris threw a tantrum that required him to be restrained, Bob attempted to sue the school.
* When [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] took a picture of Chris and uploaded it to the internet, Chris's parents threatened them with legal action (but never followed through).
* When Snorlax thought she had indigestion(actually colitis), she acted like she was going to sue the Chinese place the food came from. When the doctor actually explained what happened, she dropped the subject.
* When Snorlax was faced with the police after she confronted Michael Snyder in 2008, she chose to harp on the fact that nobody offered her a chair. Her behavior suggested that she was planning to sue the Game Place for exercising its right to ban Chris, but the police called her bullshit.
* Chris's later recollection of the subject includes an absurd accusation that Michael Snyder had a criminal history--it is possible that Bob or Snorlax brought this up and Chris is simply parroting it.
* Chris inherited his love of running from problems--when his parents had their absurd case against Greene County used against them, their first reaction was to run to another county.
* Chris, after attempting to "apologize" to Mary Lee Walsh, was given a trespassing notice. Since, by his own admission, he didn't learn about the contents of the letter until later, it is likely that his parents ordered him to not read the important letter so they could claim that they never got one when Chris inevitably did it again.

==Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws==
[[Image:AL cover.gif|thumb|Where Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws come from.]]

As he believes the police in real life are corrupt and sees them in the same light as he sees the [[jerkop]]s in his comic, Chris has his own spin on the law. The penalties for [[Alcohol|drinking]], [[Tobacky|smoking]] and [[troll|internet harassment]] involve physical violence including a "Kick in the Teeth" which Chris portrays as a punch in [[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008|the only one]] of his supposed series of Q&A videos.

On new years eve, 2009, Chris presented a nice babble about a law he wants made to prevent [[Jack Thaddeus]] from using adspace he paid for.

{{quote|I Have The Instinct, and I Have Already Snail-Mailed President [[Barack Obama]] on how this sort of bad advertisement is going on and how it is Wrong and should be made Illegal. On HOW if the Main Captain does not WANT or IS OFFENDED with the listed Ads within his own Website or Works, REGARDLESS of who controls the AdSpace, WOULD REMOVE THOSE ADS or face JAILTIME. And the F.B.I. would be FULLY INVOLVED in all this, and THEY have the Power, Tools and Balls to seek, hunt down and bring in the Individual Internet Trolls and Ad-Spammers.|Chris, [[Chris and his Ego|Thinking he's important]]}}

Yes, you heard it right. Chris wants to ask the President of the United States to make [[Chris and Reality|advertisements he doesn't want illegal.]] From a practical standpoint, CWCipedia is the only wiki that has a "Main Captain". This "Main Captain" does literally nothing to run or maintain the site at all. Furthermore, if someone paid for adspace, the host that received the money must allow the purchasing party to use said adspace for the allotted time, no matter what they advertise, or the host faces legal penalties. And last but not least, the President has better things to do than slap laws on Wikis.

This attitude is also reflected on his relationship with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[2003|Years ago]], She interrupted Chris in what looked like [[Love Quest#Conflicts with Mary Lee Walsh|soliciting for sex]]. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Hilarity ensued]] and Chris received some well-deserved [[Autism papers|time-out]] for [[Chris and anger|his antics]]. Fast-forward in [[2009]] when Chris, [[One Blessing, and One Curse|out of the blue]], decides to make peace. He went to her office and left her a [[:File:Apology_to_Mary_Lee.jpg|"Framed Hand-Drawn Apology"]] on her doorsteps. Knowing Chris's attitude, she filled a trespassing notice. In pure stalker logic, Chris said that since he didn't read the letter and returned it to the sender, [[Mailbag 26#Mary Lee Walsh trolls IRL|he's not legally liable]].

[[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!|Mailbag 55]] posits a few more original laws: one, that it should be illegal for men to ever show their bare chest (because, according to Chris, no one in the entire world ever wants to see a man's bare chest, no matter what shape he's in). He also wants to force all women in any kind of relationship to wear rings, thus defeating all symbolism and significance of them.

TL;DR: Chris ignores the law when it's inconvenient, yet expects it to save the day when the [[Autism]] card doesn't work.

==In the comic==

Chris's understanding of the law in his comics goes so far as to been seen as a mixture of childish tendencies and, some might say, dictatorial tendencies. In CWCville, Chris has banned a number of things in his city. Smoking or drinking alcohol would lead one to be either sentenced to 10 years in jail or a much more lenient $1500 USD fine.<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> However, it should be noted that Chris [[Rollin' and Trollin'|repealed the law]] in June 2009. Even stranger is the the fact that the city tends to lack other races or even other sub-cultures, beyond Chris, the Sonichus and Rosechus, a handful of (white) males and females, and the few Transformers in his town. This lack of diversity leads many to think that Chris has banned them as well. The Rosechus tend to fight for [[women's rights]], that is to say, the ability to strip naked whenever and wherever they want to. While it's pretty much fine and dandy in CWCville, they were most likely attempting to do this for across the US, which is pretty stupid to begin with.

Chris has been seen as a do-nothing mayor, preferring to have [[Allison Amber|his secretary]] do all the work (as per his thoughts on women) while he goes off on another one of his sweetheart searches. He has mandated "Dating Education" classes for students so that they can learn to go on dates, as well as how to "stay straight". [[List_of_Sonichu_characters#Constables_Gerald_Grant_and_Louis_Perez|Actual police officers]] did not appear until [[Sonichu 10|quite late]] and even then, they did nothing whatever, giving the impression that Chris and his Pokemon abominations are the only thing standing in between peace and eternal virgins with rage. However, [[Sonichu 9]] seems to reveal that there are three sets of "other" protectors: a (possibly) nondescript police force, as well as his own team of [[Power Rangers]] and a team of [[Transformers]].

{{quote|Is CWCville under Martial Law? |[[Jack Thaddeus]] citing the truth as he sees it}}

It gets even scarier. In a conversation that [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3|Chris had with Jack Thaddeus]], he reveals that CWCville is the home of a paramilitary force equipped with tanks he uses as a "Police Force", and all his Electric Hedgehog Pokémon have IMMUNITY FROM PROSECUTION and are over the law. If we add all this to the fact that there're no free elections in CWCville, this shows us the city in the hands of a dictator running it with an iron fist, and backed with super-powered goons who are free to do any atrocity with impunity. According to Chris, Magi-Chan mentally scans the city perimeters for any sexual acts, and reports any homosexual activity to the authorities. The participants are then [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|"tried and fined HEAVILY; $500 or 50 Hours of Community Service"]]. Apparently in CWCville, the Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution does not apply in matters of personal sexual choice. This might put him at odds with [[Chris and sex#Pedophilia|his own sexual ideals...]]

In a strange [[Chris and hypocrisy|set of double standards]], Chris has been shown to injure, kill, or damage people and property ''outside of CWCVille''. [[Sonichu 10]] has shown no less than three grievous acts upon others: the destruction of the 4-cent_garbage building, the death of over 100 trolls in said destruction, breaking and entering, and destroying internet files and property. Following the death of Simonla, the culprits (Alec, Mao, Sean and Evan) are subjected to a show trial, and Sean is permitted to act as their lawyer despite being high as a kite. When they're found guilty, they're ''killed by the people they've wronged''.

==See also==
*[[Parody]]

==Sauces==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Some Favored Comedians

2010-05-22T03:20:55Z

Kettle5000: Ditched unfunny piping

[[Image:Chris gay trucker.jpg|thumb|right|Larry the Trucker Man]]
'''Some Favored Comedians''' (officially "'''Some Favored Comedians.MOV'''") is a 20 [[May 2010]] video where [[Chris]] bores his [[fanbase]] by discussing various comedians and Seth McFarlane. He reiterates his [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|dislike for the change in voice actors on ''The Cleveland Show'']], does several terrible impersonations, and describes a scenario where Jerry Seinfeld meets him and does a stand up act about how [[Chris and ego|awesome]] it is to meet a [[Chris|retarded manchild]]. During this extended fantasy, Chris refers to himself as a "[[Reality|teenage boy]]," even though he is nearly 30 years old.

After the Seinfeld bit, Chris spends a while trying to explain how he doesn't actually [[racism|hate]] [[Chris and religion|Jews]] at all, but gives no justification for his [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|recent actions]]. He shifts gears to mention that Larry the Cable Guy should be called "Larry the Trucker Man," and then changes subjects once again, in an ADD kind of way, to Peter Cullen's voice acting [[Optimus Prime]].

Despite Chris being a critical and avid fan of The Cleveland Show, he consistently refers to [[Wikipedia:Reagan Gomez|Reagan Gomez]] as "Regina." This could be an artifact of his [[autism]] for which he blames almost all of his shortcomings, or he could have confused her with [[Wikipedia:Regina King|Regina King]], who voices characters on ''The Boondocks''. He also repeatedly mispronounces Mila Kunis's name. Considering that she's the voice of his favorite ''[[Family Guy]]'' gal-pal, well, that comes as no surprise.
{{-}}

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = Some Favored Comedians
| video = {{#ev:youtube|URLwUjuNJYM}}
| stardate = 20 [[May 2010]]
| subject = {{Rumours|text}}, {{Television|text}}
| style = {{Reason|text}}, {{Comedy|text}}
| shirt = {{DenimJacket|text}}
| previous = [[05142010]]
| next = Current
}}

==Transcript==
Ah, [[Captain's Log]], May 22nd- [''flashes his school ring''] May 20th, 2010. I just uh, started up this video [''takes his glasses off''] to uh, give y'all a little update about myself [''puts glasses back on, coughs'']. You know, I'm doing well, so's my [[Barb|mom]], and for your information my [[Bob|father]] is alive and well, so that rumor is false. My father is alive and well.

Anyway uh, anyway with that, I wanna talk about some of my favourite uh, comedy people. But uh, I'd like to start off with uh, prefacing with uh, preferencing an old- a [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|past video of mine]], of which I have uh made the complaint about uh... [[Wikipedia:Reagan Gomez|Regina Gomez]] who plays [[Wikipedia:Nia Long|Nia Long]] on [[The Cleveland Show]]. I mean yeah that was definitely like a trade down in comparison. [''Chris turns to his TV''] Let's go to a clip of Nia Long.

[''Clip of The Cleveland Show plays - probably from [[Wikipedia:Da Doggone Daddy-Daughter Dinner Dance|Da Doggone Daddy-Daughter Dinner Dance]]'']

And then uh now, check out uh, Regina Gomez in comparison.

[''Plays another clip from The Cleveland Show - probably from [[Wikipedia:Once Upon a Tyne in New York|Once Upon a Tyne in New York]]'']

You see a difference? Big difference. Regina is a whiny-voiced little brat, whereas uh Nia... [''turns to TV''] was a lot better. And uh, [''turns to camera''] an another reference, that was like uh, when they changed the voice- they changed the voice actress for [''turns to TV''] [[Family_Guy#Chris_and_Meg|Megan Griffin]]. I mean, yeah, here's the first voice. This is an improvement, by the way.

[''Plays a clip from Family Guy'']

Yeah, see well, this was a better change in comparison. You know, change it from... I forget her name... to [[Wikipedia:Mila Kunis|Mila Kunis]]. Whoops, I don't need to select it. Here we go. Here's Mila.

[''Plays a clip from Family Guy'']

Yeah, big difference. Big difference between the uh, voice actresses you know. When they sw- they, did it from [[Wikipedia:Lacey Chabert|whoever she was]] to Mila Kunis, that was an improvement because, you know, maturing- the voice deepens naturally. Whereas The Cleveland Show switching from Ni- switching from Nia Long to Regina Gomez. That's a trade ''down'' [''gestures and points down'']. I mean I- I gotta tell you my opinion [''removes glasses'']. It must have been like uh, Seth McFarlane and uh, Mike Henry musta had uh, too many [[Alcohol|drinks]] or somethin' to decide to uh, switch from Nia to Regina. Or a- or I don't know whether it's um, it was their decision or what Nia had in her head when sh- uh, when she left the show for that point.

[[File:Lucille ball.jpg|thumb|Lucille Ball has had enough of this shit.]]
And I leave you all with that. Let's talk about uh, let's talk about famous comedy people. Uh, y'all know I like uh, I like from class-, from the classics, [[Wikipedia:Lucille Ball|Lucille Ball]] [''High-pitched voice impression''] ''Hello, friends. I'm your Vitameatavegamin girl. Are you tired, run down, and listless? Do you [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|poop out]] at parties? Are you unpopular? The answer to all your problems is in this little bottle. Vitameatavegamin''. And I also like [[Wikipedia:Red Skelton|Red Skelton]]. [''Dopey voice impression''] ''We were all going, OK, we were all going to the, uh, we're going to the par-, we're going to the parade. We got a float that we-, and this float that we were on, it looked like the back end of a Cadillac. And then something, and then something happened and we, uh, we don't know what happened, but we went out of control and crazy, and we ended up in McGriffin Park lake. Two ducks swam by and one turned the other and said, "Gertrude, who hatched that thing?"'' [''chuckles a bit''] Very funny people. I also liked uh, I also liked [[Wikipedia:Dick Van Dyke|Dick Van Dyke]], [[Wikipedia:Mary Tyler Moore|Mary Tyler Moore]] and, [[Wikipedia:Bob Newhart|Bob Newhart]], there's another good one. I like those types of people, but from today's, uh, from this generation, I like [[Wikipedia:Tim Allen|Tim Allen]]. He's a funny man. Yeah. [''Laughs''] I was just remembering the uh, part where- the one where he ''Tim don't put your hand in the light socket *pfft*''. But seriously though, he does very good, he's a funny man.

I also like [[Wikipedia:Jerry Seinfeld|Jerry Seinfeld]]. He- he's very funny. I watch his show every- I watch his show every day on TBS... And, you know, too bad- too bad it got ended. He coulda done more shows but whatever. That was his call there. He decided that after nine seasons. I like Jerry Seinfeld, he's a funny man. You know I would- you know I would definitely like to see this, you know, even as [[Chris and reality|a video response from Jerry Himself]], his view on autis- on autistic people. Especially the high functioning autistics like myself, you know.

[''Stares into space, makes a creepy smile'']

And also, think about this, I probably sound like Jerry Sein- I probably sound like Jerry Seinfeld, you know? This could be a comedy routine for himself, you know, that he could do for autistics.

[''Pantomimes holding a mic, attempts to impersonate Jerry Seinfeld'']
[[Image:Jerry seinfeld2.jpg|thumb|left|Jerry Seinfeld is not pleased with Chris-chan's horrible impersonation.]]
Ah yeah, so I just recently been introduced to this uh, autistic, uh, boy- this autistic teenage boy here. And uh, and we sai- you know, I was introduced, so he opened up to me right away. And then I- and then- later, like I- later at this picnic, this community picnic, he uh, I see him- I see him- I see him over there and he wants to find- he wants to [[Fuck quest|meet himself a lady]], so he's hanging out over there. And I don't see him talking to the ladies, he just uh, he's just uh, smiling and being silent. I mean, he ain't gonna go anywhere unless he talks to- unless he talks to ladies, but then again that's part of the autism right there. He just tends to blank out when he's not introduced to people. Because he's scared of the uh, unknown. That's very common amongst the autistic people. And I'll tell you something else. Today's society where everybody is glued to their computers and internet and all that, they're definitely closing themselves off from society. It's like they're becoming autistics themselves. I mean, if they're definitely not glued in front of their computer they're definitely about as blank as that au- that little teenage boy was.

[''Pantomimes releasing mic, stares into space for a few moments.'']
[[ Image:Brad_garrett.jpg‎ |thumb|right| Yet another one of Chris' favorite comedians, Brad Garrett reacting to this video]]
Eh, yeah, but anyway I would definitely like to hear Jerry Seinfeld's uh, opinions and views, or a comedy sketch about autistic people. 'Cuz I want to ask him about that. Oh yeah, also you know, another Jewish dude I like- that he strikes me as funny, [[Wikipedia:Brad Garrett|Brad Garrett]], you know, from ''Everybody Loves Raymond'', also doing the guy from ''’Til Death''. He actually also starred in an episode of ''Seinfeld'' I read, where he steals Jerry's car. Still that does- that seems kind of dumb, you know. I even read that he tried- he tried out for Kramer, I mean, I mean he definitely would not have been- I do not know if he would be a better Kramer, I mean [''Voice changes''] "What are you looking at crazy?" I dunno. Ha, I mean,
[''Waves arms around''] "Who-whoop-whoop PIA! Yeah. Hi Jer!" [''chuckles''] Yeah I think uh, Brad Garrison is a little bit more subtle, but I like him too. You know. And I have nothing against [[Jews|Jewish people]], I mean there's people too, and I got nothing against Jewish community. I mean they have their views and we have our views, Let's leave it at that. I mean they're all- they're all- they're people we're people, [''face contorts with racism''] no problem.

[[File:LarrySad.jpg|thumb|left|Larry the Cable Guy's likely reaction.]]
I know I sent [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|crossed signals]] about that at past points. Oh, hey, you know [[Homo|another dude I like?]] [''puts on a baseball cap'']quo- Larry the quote-unquote Cable Guy. ''Git-R-Done!'' [''chuckles''] Funny dude, you know. He definitely could been- he definitely had the trucker look going for him if he uh, wasn't being the cable guy. Yeah I mean, I would definitely think that would have uh, the way he was dressed they would him "Larry the Trucker Man!" Trucker Man. [''chuckles''] Yeaah, pretty funny. [''takes off cap''] Oh and also you know, speaking of impressions uhh, here's [[Wikipedia:Peter Cullen|Peter Cullen]]. [''Poorly impersonates some lines from [[Transformers]].''] "Autobots! Transform and roll out! Bumblebee, I need you to go and spy on the Decepticons. Let's- Let's see what they're go- what they're doing over there." That's spot on, dead on Peter Cullen right there. And I'm glad that, you know, aside from the generation one series, they let him do t- he volunte- he volunteered to do the voice of Optimus in the new movies, as well as in the video games. I mean all th- of all the generations between the Optimus Primes and the Optimus Primals, [''points at camera''] Peter Cullen ''is'' Optimus Prime. Of all time.

Anyway, that's uhh, just uh some of my opinions about some current and past comedians and uh, Seth! Mike! Bring back Nia Long! [''Puts glasses back on''] Anyway, I'll leave y'all with uh, that and those impressions. Until then- until another time when I have another thought or, whatever - have a good day. [''makes the peace sign''] Peace.
{{-}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[05142010]]|nextlink=Current}}
{{Captain's Log}}
[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2010-05-20]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Talk:Regina e-mails

2010-05-16T18:22:59Z

Kettle5000:

==New page==
Leaked emails. There is more. I will post them later. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 17:20, 16 May 2010 (UTC)

When were these emails sent? Also, Regina's dad's name, Walter Kovacs, is the name of a character from Watchmen. --[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 18:22, 16 May 2010 (UTC)

Chris and the Internet

2010-05-12T21:29:26Z

Kettle5000: Added Chris's habit of dropping dox everywhere, and some links

Chris has been on the '''Internet''' mostly to complain about shit.

Misc that isn't big enough for own article:

http://forums.littlebigworkshop.com/t5/PS3-Workshop/Complaints-on-the-Sonic-the-Hedgehog-and-Werehog-Costumes/m-p/239893;jsessionid=C15F46579256D040386028A0EAB09412

http://share.blog.us.playstation.com/ideas/2010/03/17/bring-on-the-past-code-only-items-please/

==Understanding==

Chris seems to be aware that the internet is a place where, once you put something up, anyone with access to a computer could see it. However, due to a combination of his ego and his general inability to understand others, Chris has come to the conclusion that if he puts anything on the Internet, everyone ''will'' see it. Chris has in the past attempted to address videos to specific people--most telling is his May 8th rant, which was addressed to anyone who served on the Green County School Board in the early 1990's.

Despite this, Chris doesn't seem to realise that giving one's real address and telephone number out on the Internet is generally a bad idea, especially when one is being trolled relentlessly by [[CWCki|people obsessed with one's every move]]. He also doesn't seem to realise that dropping [[The Wallflower|other people's dox]] is also a bad idea.

==Forums and Bans==

As with many places in real life, Chris has found himself banned from the few places he frequents online.

Chris does not normally participate in forum discussions, either due to a dislike of reading or simple egotism. When he does, he always signs his message--be it a comment on Youtube, a rant on the Adult Swim boards, or a complaint about something in LBP. He does not follow up on these either, nor does he read the comment left by other users.

The irony is that Internet forums are havens for socially retarded, thirtysomething manchildren who still live with Mommy and Daddy. By simply choosing a handle that has nothing to do with Sonichu, and participating even a little in forum discussions, Chris could shed (for a while) his lolcow status and form online friendships with other sad bastards like himself.

Due to his relative inactivity, he's banned from fewer places online than you might think. He was banned from [[DeviantArt]] in the summer of 2009 for posting the uncensored version of Sonichu 9 without an NSFW tag, though he doesn't understand why--comments left on his talk page suggest that he is under the impression that his DA account simply vanished into cyberspace for no reason. As well, despite bouncing from one account to the next, Chris has only been banned once from [[YouTube]]. However, unlike DA, Chris has constantly made new accounts after one was taken down.

{{The Internet}}

100 2178

2010-05-11T21:21:51Z

Kettle5000:

{{Rename}}

'''100 2178.MOV''' is a 8 [[May 2010]] video in which [[Chris]], lonely and lost at the bottom of a depression-well, reflects on the [[FAIL|state]] of his life.

He made this video after coming home alone from an EXTREME ACTION SPORTS show to which he had won four tickets from a radio call-in contest. He could not find anyone else to go with him, even after he called the members of his Church's Young Adult Social Group, so he was forced to scalp the tickets in front of the stadium and then sit alone in the bleachers beside a "lovey-dovey couple" (who probably haven't even got a [[I_Pimp_My_Ride.MOV|pimped out PS3 controller]]) while handsomer, happier, less [[autistic]] men did flips on motorcycles for the roaring crowd. This situation causes Chris to reflect introspectively on his life, or at the very least complain about the latest faults that have occurred since he and [[Jackie e-mails|Jackie]] broke apart.

For some odd reason, Chris blames the Greene County school board (which tried to pull him out of [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School]] when he was a child) for heading a conspiracy to keep him in his "autistic shell" — first by supposedly trying to institutionalize him, then going so far as to bribe a realtor many years later to keep his [[14 Branchland Court|family's house]] in Ruckersville from selling so that his family would have to move back to a town where he had fewer friends after high school. The fact that all his supposed friends from Chesterfield County would have long since moved on with their lives, and would have nothing to gain by spending time with him even if they all lived right next door, naturally does not occur to Chris. Using the board as a not-so-convenient excuse to ignore the fact that he himself is the only consistent factor in his unbroken series of failures, he goes on to muse that they then bribed [[Michael Snyder]] (years later again) to ban him from [[The GAMe PLACe]]. (There is no "evidence" yet linking them to [[Mary Lee Walsh]], the [[Jerkops]], or the 15,000 some-odd people of Greene County who somehow spontaneously decided not to be Chris's friends for no reason.) Chris seems to restrain himself from calling Snyder a "greedy Jew" [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|a la Cartman]], stopping after "greedy". He ends the video by wishing that they, Michael Snyder, and the [[trolls]] would all go to hell for playing [[Kick the Autistic]].

Perhaps coincidentally, the video was uploaded sixteen years to the day since [[Bob]]'s case against Greene County was thrown out of court.

==Video==

{{Infobox/video
| name = 100_2178.MOV
| image = {{#ev:youtube|VwCldRr0kDc}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 08 May 2010
| Maker = [[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter =
| Performance Style = {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Crazy|text}}
| Shirt = {{OrangeSleeveless|text}}
| previous = [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV]]
| next = Current
}}

==Transcription==

[''Chris sits in the dark in front of his TV, which is turned off. He is visible only in silhouette. A fan hums in the background.'']

This is [[Christian Weston Chandler]], alias ''[[Christopher]]'' Weston Chandler, pre [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|1990-something]]. Anyway, I-I have sent this message to all the peo- ...ple that were of the [[Greene County]] School Board... and such... during the [[1990s]]... because... Threatening to put me in a mental institution. That was pretty much why we had to run away... and move to Chesterfield County, and I had better life over there, I had a lo- I had so many friends over there, in high school. And I was just ''sad'' to leave, when I, after I graduated. 'Cause I had to leave all my friends. I had the good life. But we were forced to move back here.

You people of Greene County, you could not have left us, uh, left me and my family alone. You had to go and pay off the realtors, just so, this h- so that this house here could not have been sold. If it, 'cause if it had been sold, we would have been able to stay in Chesterfield County. [''[[sigh]]''] And I would have been ha- I would have had a lot- a happier life over there, than right now and how I'm feeling. If, right now, because we ha- 'cause we were forced to move back here because of you goddamn... people who were afraid of [[autistic]] individuals.

[''[[sigh]]'']

You individuals would know who you are. I wish my family and I did not have to move back here. I wish we could have stayed in Chesterfield County, 'cause I had the better life there. And we were doing we- we were doing well, but you had to drag us down! You had to make us unable to sell our house here. You had to ''force'' my family to move back here, where I was OK and I have a couple of friends, and I'm better off with... [''Voice cracks, shakes arm to gesture at room.''] '''stuff.'''

That stuff is no good if I don't have, if I don't have many friends to share it with. [''Chokes back tears.'']

And it all just went downhill. I bet, even Greene County had something to do with influencing that goddamn [[Michael Snyder]] to see f- to see any... so recourse... or... anything like that to make him pretend to have a reason to [[kick]] me out, quote-unquote "''scaaaaring'' his customers away!" You goddamn, greedy... ''Snyder''!

[[Image:Yasg.jpg|thumb|left|The Young Adult Social Group offers Chris a solution.]]

I was at the John Paul Jones Arena earlier tonight, at the Extreme Action Sports. I had won four tickets the previous Friday, Friday of the last week, from 95.1. The few [[Trolls|friends]] I have here could not have come- could not come with me, and I could not even find anyone in the congregation to take- to go with me. 'Cause I misplaced directory for one reason. And even with the help of, uh, my pastoral counselor to get in contact with them, they did not call- none of them called me back!

And I had to sell the... tickets I had, and I had to sit there next to a... lovey-dovey couple. [''His voice begins to crack.''] Which, that was OK, you know, I was trying to be... good- I was trying to be good friend, you know... [''scratches back of head''] Sociable. [''sigh''] But still, if that was... If I had stayed in Chesterfield County, and I would- and I had a similar situation for an event there... I would definitely have had my friends I had there. Moving back here, it just dragged me downhill. So I tell you what, Greene County... Because you saw fit to make- to make me and my family have to move back here, just to make me sad, and move more into my Autistic Shell: ''you did it''.

If I had stayed in Chesterfield County, I would have been a whole lot better off. I wish you would, I wish you would have let us sell our house here. We could have stayed there. I wish you had- I wish we did not have to move back to [''sigh''] I wish we did not have to move back here nearly ten years ago.

[[Image:Wild.png|thumb|Sit and spin.]]

Laugh all you want, trolls! Because... I don't ''give'' a damn. You're all just immature, [[naive]], [[Chris and his Ego|condescending]], [[Patti|soulless]] [[sonichu|''monsters.'']] [[Chris and hypocrisy|You don't ''care'' about others, you only care about yourselves. You only care about getting your own laughs and kicks, because you don't h- you don't have your own social life!]] You [[Death threats|threaten]] me from ha- from trying to seek one of my own, by scaring me on the Internet and whatnot.

Including Clyde Cash, you can all go to hell. And all da people that were on the Greene County School Board during the 1990s then that forced us to have to move back here, '''sit and spin...''' Hell.

And Michael Snyder, I hope you go to Hell, too!

And for everybody el-, as for everybody else... Peace.

===Michael Snyder Replies===
{{quotebox|When I go to hell, I will hold the door open for you, if not not too busy giving tours. I can't believe I've spent all these years conspiring to make your life more miserable than your fossilized parents could ever dream of. Oh, wait, I wasn't doing that, I've been too busy living my own life. I remember you as a child creeping out all the other pokemon kids, including my own, because even 10 years ago you were an angry, unsportsmanlike punk.
Signed,
That goddam Michael Snyder}}

==Fan videos==

{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Michael Snyder is cold hearted and mean
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ZMc4wFuH1WQ}}
| Maker = [http://www.youtube.com/user/clydespickle clydespickle]
| Stardate = 11 May 2010
}}

{{-}}
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[I Pimp My Ride.MOV]]|nextlink=Current}}
{{Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Talk:Chris and tolerance

2010-05-05T21:48:37Z

Kettle5000:

This article on Chris's overall bigotry has now been created. I know that there are separate articles here already discussing his racism and religious intolerance, but I feel that there should be greater coverage of Chris's prejudice and ignorance towards other groups of people as well. I hope we can work together over time and expand upon this page. Thank you.

[[User:Famicon64|Famicon64]] 19:02, 3 May 2010 (UTC)
:Why does everybody suddenly want to write a Chris And... article?--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 19:23, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

:I'm unsure. But I'm still of the opinion that drafting such articles in user sandboxes first really helps ensure the article's quality will be up to scratch before it is created for real. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 19:35, 3 May 2010 (UTC)
::Agreed. Besides, I truly think there's no need for this. Half of this we can find out through the normal pages, not this. The [[Chris and Censorship]] page is one thing: it certainly merited a page devoted to what Chris has done to censor himself and others to make himself look good. This? This is more [[Chris and race]], really.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 19:44, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

True but I'm hoping to cover the breadth of Chris's prejudice beyond race and homosexuals alone. We've logged prejudice against groups like women and authority figures in some CWCki pages, but they have'nt been covered in it's own pages because Chris has'nt held them up to the extent he has towards blacks and homosexuals, so I think this page should bring everything together and explain his general intolerance for all the groups he dislikes. For what we know a lot about, it'll just be kept short and have it linked to their own articles (i.e. Chris & race). Sounds good?

[[User:Famicon64|Famicon64]] 20:04, 3 May 2010 (UTC)Famicom64

Add also how chris wants everyone to tolerate his bs all the time, and how he can't tolerate anyone doing anything he doesn't likes.[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 20:12, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

You've got a good idea for the page. I think that his overall prejudice beyond just homos and niggos needs to be addressed. He is far more intolerant of just that. His attitudes towards women do of course need their own article, and frankly womens rights doesn't cut it. Thats more explaining the actual term more than Chris's views of women. I say that the page should stay up, but it definitely needs some improvement first. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 22:15, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

Page needs more links. Like if you write that Chris said such and such about someone, link to the article or link to an external source.--[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 21:48, 5 May 2010 (UTC)

Talk:Chris and tolerance

2010-05-05T21:46:34Z

Kettle5000:

Adam Stackhouse

2010-04-29T22:25:51Z

Kettle5000:

{{quote|<nowiki>*</nowiki>The EX-Winner, Adam Stackhouse, was DISQUALIFIED on the grounds of violating the Official Rules on TWO COUNTS:
-He Had Licensed BeatBox Music playing from a licensed BoomBox.
 -He Had his SISTER ILLEGALLY in the video without authorized consent.|Most revealing part of the fake page.}}

[[Image:AdamStackhouse.jpg|thumb|Adam Stackhouse]]

'''Adam Stackhouse''' was the eventual winner of the infamous "[[PaRappa the Rapper contest|PaRappa the Rapper PSP Contest]]". [[Chris]] felt he should have won, and thus harbored a grudge against him.

In order to win, Chris orchestrated a mass spamming of votes via dummy sockpuppet accounts, so that he would not only win a [[PSP]] for his then love interest [[Megan]], but also claim the prize of an all-expenses-paid trip for two to the [[2007]] Penny Arcade Expo. He had hoped to bring Megan on the trip and eventually make love to her in their shared hotel room, losing his "[[virgin with rage]]" moniker once and for all. As a result, Adam had inadvertently cock blocked Chris, by simply being more talented.

In a huge display of hypocrisy, Christian wanted to get back at Adam for cheating, as he used more than one person in his video (in a rather nice display of family, Stackhouse's little sister has a role, which Chris believes is illegal, though the singing is all Adam) and used music in the background (which didn't count as it was beatboxing/acapella he did himself, even though Chris believes it was a boombox). Chris ignored the fact that not only had he himself also cheated by registering some ungodly number of fake accounts to win, but he also blackmailed his [[Cole Smithey|brother]] into voting as well.

Chris was so angry about the outcome of the contest, he created a fake page proclaiming himself to be the victor.<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20071108233910/http://members.aol.com/CWCSonichu/EPPromotions283.html</ref> He also created a [[CWC is Angry|creepy video]] in which he repeatedly shot a photo of Adam in silence with a [[Megatron Pistol|toy gun]].

Adam Stackhouse is the complete opposite of Chris. Evidence to prove this is the fact that he graduated as valedictorian of his graduating class in college.<ref>http://web.wm.edu/news/archive/index.php?id=3657</ref>

==Adam's entry==

Adam's entry shows that if he and Chris could put their differences aside, they could become true friends.

<center>{{#ev:youtube|lA84b9eCyZA}}</center>

==Chris's opinion of Adam==

{{quote|My previously submitted [[fail|PaRapper the Rapper]] "Master Onion A-La Mode" Video is among the TOP TEN to win the GRAND PRIZE. 
AAARRRGGGHHH!!! That stupid, no-good ADAM STACKHOUSE won the trip!!! He had MUSIC and MORE THAN ONE PERSON IN HIS VIDEO, which were in VIOLATION OF THE OFFICIAL RULES!!!!!! Three other videos out of the remaining nine: APRELEWSKY, BRUDELL AND SURYABUCHWALD, ALL VIOLATED THE OFFICIAL RULES AS WELL! THOSE SEVEN PEOPLE OF THOSE FOUR VIDEOS SHOULD HAVE BEEN DISQUALIFIED, PERIOD!!!! I am sooooooooooooooooooo ANGRY of the fact that the Playstation company and their Promotional Associates WILL NOT DO ANYTHING TO BRING THOSE VIOLATORS TO JUSTICE!!!! Go to http:/www.us.playstation.com/, and register the complaint, in addition to my own, through their "Contact Us" link. So that SWORN ON MY [[autism|AUTISM]], JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED TO THE SEVEN PEOPLE OF THOSE FOUR VIDEOS!!!!| Chris on Adam Stackhouse<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20070830114517/http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm</ref>
}}

He also thought Adam was cheating because he thought Adam's beatboxing counted as background music, even though beatboxing is music made with the voice and therefore counts as ''a capella''. Naturally, Chris ignored the fact that he cheated himself by bombarding Sony with fake accounts in order to win.

In a [[PlayStation Network]] post from 04 August 2007, Chris goes into detail about his feelings on Adam Stackhouse:

{{quotebox|This is directed mostly to Adam Stackhouse; the S.O.B. who was the Alphabetically First Video in the PaRappa Contest and got WRONGFULLY the big prize. This [[JERK]]'s Video WAS AGAINST The NO MUSIC RULE!!!! His, Suryabuchwald and Aprelewsky's VIDEO ALL SHOULD HAVE BEEN DISQUALIFIED because they ALL HAD MUSIC!!!!

In any case, I LOATHE Adam and his Sister for STEALING my one chance at taking my Sweet Gal-Friend to Seattle; it would have been terriffic. I might have even been able to change her outlook on not planning on having children (she and I are both virgins; although I am a FRUSTRATED, High-Functionally AUTISTIC, 25-YEAR OLD VIRGIN. And I LOATHE Surybuchwald and Aprelewsky as well, because their MUSIC probably landed those JERKS in 2nd and 3rd.

I don't have much going on for me really, because I have been the dog in America's favorite game, "[[Kick the Autistic|KICK THE AUTISTIC]]" for my whole life.

I curse those seven people (between the cast of the three illegal videos) to [[Death threats|DIE and BURN]]!

As for Adam, if he is reading this and is asking, "You've got something to say to me?" I do, P.S. F*** You, you Dream Smashing Son of a B****!}}

==Adam's opinion of Chris==

{{quote|No remorse... I mean, I didn't even know the wonders of CWC until a year after the contest... I noticed a string of comments about his entry at that point coming from his ED page (at that time there was a longer passage on the Parappa contest, before he really went off the deep end). That's when I discovered the apology video, where he retracted the threats on my sister and I. I've always wanted to see [[CWC is Angry|the lost video]] where he calls me "no-good" and repeated shoots a picture of me...

I've been following the whole thing since I discovered it about six months ago, thanks to CWC's [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008|Sept 24 2008]] update video... and yeah, it was pretty shocking and bizarre as I slowly put the pieces together...|Adam Stackhouse, after reading up about Chris<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/comment_servlet?all_comments&v=lA84b9eCyZA&fromurl=/watch%3Fv%3DlA84b9eCyZA%26eurl%3Dhttp%253A%252F%252Fcogsdev%252E110mb%252Ecom%252Fcwcki%252Findex%252Ephp%252FAdam%255FStackhouse%26feature%3Dplayer_embedded From YouTube comments]</ref>
}}

==See also==
*[[Chop Chop Onion's Rap Showdown]]
*[[CWC is Angry]]
*[[PaRappa the Rapper]]

==References==
<references />

{{People}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Stackhouse, Adam}}
[[Category:People]]

Template:Da update

2010-03-15T18:22:13Z

Kettle5000:

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>
* 14 March - Chris [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|threatens]] Surfshack Tito with a knife, in a kilt. Later, he [["Damian_Antaria",_PLEASE,_Don't_Leave_Me_-_I_NEED_YOU!!!| pleads]] with [[The_Wallflower|the wallflower]] to be his [[Boyfriend-free_girl|girlfriend]], and [[Chris and reality|reasons]] that she should sleep with him because his life is pathetic and hookers cost money.
* 10 March - Chris releases [[A message to the Trolls]], regarding trolls contacting his newest Gal-Pal, and later threatens to [[Don't Mess With Me|slit some throats]].
* 09 March - Chris releases a "Foretaste version" of a book on Twitter. According to him, it's being co-written by a "lady friend." He also releases a new ''LittleBigPlanet'' level to go along with it. This leads to the discovery of the identity of the [[The Wallflower|lady friend]] via her credited screen name.
* 04 March - Evan releases a [[:File:Evan responds to his death2.png|second email]] discussing his brutal killing.
* 03 March - Evan releases an [[:File:Evan responds to his death.png|email from Chris]] regarding his murder.
* 02 March - Chris posts [[02 March 2010|two]] [[Surfshack Tito|new]] videos. Neither of them mention his father.
* 01 March - In his [[Twitter|Twittered]] Captain's Log, Chris informs us that Bob Chandler is hospitalized due to congestive heart failure.

('''[[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|more...]]''')

<noinclude>[[Category: Front page templates]]</noinclude>

March 2010

2010-03-15T18:15:16Z

Kettle5000: Edited for English

The beginning of '''March 2010''' started out with a bit of concern. Chris had made mention of his father Bob being inflicted with congestive heart failure. Though many were worried for Bob's health, Chris obviously wasn't as he continued on with his life as if nothing was wrong.

Things got happier when Chris, through his own [[Ego|narcissism]], inadvertently revealed the identity of his latest [[gal-pal]] through a ''[[Little Big Planet]]'' level. Dedicated trolls discovered [[The Wallflower|her identity]] and, while many were content with trying to keep it on the down low and let her discover for herself what kind of [[Chris| monster]] she was dealing with, one faggot ruined it for everyone. The gal-pal apparently left Chris, and as a result of the fall-out, Chris discovered the existence of the CWCki. He immediately demanded that all the pages involving him his family and friends be removed or there would be trouble...

Holding true to his manifesto from the end of [[February 2010|last month]], which basically told his [[fans]] to fuck off and stop asking him for daily Sonichu comic pages, Chris has completely neglected answering his mailbag and publishing comics. While Chris has promised to at least begin Sonichu 11 in time for the 10 year anniversary, he has also recently, due to [[stress]] over lost [[china]], not only told his fanbase to fuck off again, but accused them of stealing his time and compared them to trolls, which is probably the closest he has ever been to realizing the truth.

==Events of March 2010==

* 01 March - In his first [[Twitter|Twittered]] [[Captain's Log]], Chris inform us that [[Bob Chandler]] is hospitalized due to congestive heart failure, that he's under lots of [[stress]] and that he will release the issue of [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu 11]] in time for its tenth anniversary.
* 02 March - Chris posts [[02 March 2010|two]] [[Surfshack Tito|new]] videos. None of them mention his [[Bob Chandler|father]].
* 03 March - [[Evan]] releases an [[:File:Evan responds to his death.png|email from Chris]] regarding his [[Sonichu 10|murder]].
* 04 March - [[Evan]] releases a [[:File:Evan responds to his death2.png|second email]] discussing his brutal killing.
* 09 March - Chris releases a "Foretaste version" of a book on [[Twitter]]. According to him, it's being co-written by a "lady friend." He also releases a new [[LittleBigPlanet]] level to go along with it.
* 09 March - Using the credits in Chris's most recent LBP level, [[/cwc/]] trolls manage to dox Chris's new [[The Wallflower|lady friend]]. Immediately her online actions and profiles are revealed, including a large collection of slash [[homos|yaoi]] fanfiction. She is also contacted by trolls.
* 10 March - [[The Wallflower|Damien Antaria]], Chris's girl friend, finds out about the CWCki and tries to break contact with Chris, eventually telling him that she has found a boyfriend.
* 10 March - Furious, Chris releases [[A message to the Trolls]], regarding trolls contacting his newest [[Gal-Pal]].
* 10 March - Chris adds a message to the [[CWCkipedia]] discussing his discovery of [[CWCki]] and threatens to cause trouble if the pages on his family and "friends" is not removed before 12 March at midnight.
* 11 March - Chris adds in a second message [[Don't Mess With Me|telling trolls to watch their backs]].
* 14 March - Chris uploads a [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|video]] of video of him threatening [[Surfshack Tito|Surfshack Tito]] whilst wearing a kilt. Later, he [["Damian_Antaria",_PLEASE,_Don't_Leave_Me_-_I_NEED_YOU!!!| pleads]] with [[The_Wallflower|the wallflower]] to be his [[Boyfriend-free_girl|girlfriend]], and [[Chris and reality|reasons]] that she should sleep with him because his life is pathetic and hookers cost money.
* 14 March - Chris extends his deadline for the CWCki to 31 March, citing the changes made for The Wallflower page, and demands that similar changes be applied to the pages of people he met IRL and his former sweethearts.

{{Timeline}}
[[Category:Chronology]]

A message to the Trolls

2010-03-11T23:31:58Z

Kettle5000:

'''A message to the Trolls''' (video name: '''A message to the Trolls.MOV''') is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 10 [[March 2010]]. In it he rages against the trolls for interfering with his life, but doesn't go into specifics, mentioning only that trolls have been messing with his friends. He does not mention [[Bob Chandler|his father]] or his new sweetheart, [[The Wallflower]]. Note the lack of [[Medallions of Fail|medallion]] and [[Amnyfest Ring|class ring]].

==Video==

{{tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = A message to the Trolls.MOV
| image = {{#ev:youtube|zBXMu2zPL04}}
| Stardate = 10 [[March 2010]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Rumors}} Rumors, {{Galpals}} Galpals
| Performance Style = {{Tragedy}} Tragedy
| Shirt = [[Image:Jokershirt.png]] The Joker
| previous = [[Surfshack Tito]]
| next = [[Don't Mess With Me]]
}}

===Transcript===
This message is for every last god damned troll that has been pestering me for the past number of years, even the recent ones. I have been in a number of moments finding peace and losing it later. Because YOU WON'T LET ME BE!

You are su- You are a bunch of damn [[Chris and hypocrisy|immature DUMBASSES]] who have no lives of your own.

You don't want me to have a little life of my own, you don't want me to find long-lasting peace and happiness for myself, you don't want me to find the whole true love for myself because you are so [[Chris and Ego|sub-absorbent]] yourselves, you don't wan- you only want me to give you more got-dang stories and [[Chris and art|art]] then I can give because of my... inspiration comes in and out and it mostly comes in when I'm happy and have peace.

You are nothing but goddamn greedy, impatient, unloved and [''shows the [[Claw of Fail|claw]]''] corrupted fools. Heartbreaks and heartaches, they really hurt. I let you all done so much whatever you want emotionally than me.. but.. it's another GOD DAMNED STORY WITH YOU TRYTA HURT MY FRIENDS AND GET THEM INVOLVED LIKE YOU'VE BEEN DOING [''Chris punches the camera'']

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Surfshack Tito]]|nextlink=[[Don't Mess With Me]]}}
{{Troll Videos}}
[[Category:Videos]]

Chris and sex

2010-03-08T19:13:20Z

Kettle5000: Trimmed this section, added link to Pedofork article

{{Honest}}
{{oversized}}
[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sex''' (aka "hanky panky"), mostly stemming from stunted sexual development and a sheltered upbringing. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on HBO around age 16. He views pornographic films as "educational" and regularly purchases [[sex toys]] from AdamEve.com.

== Knowledge of sex and gender ==
[[Image:Thenightmarecontinues.jpg|thumb|Seven inches? Yeah, right.]]
Due to the combined threat of his somewhat [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]] and his peculiar mindset on sex, Chris is noticeably confused about sexual terminology. While he ''may'' have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. Chris repeatedly refers to women as the "opposite gender" as opposed to "opposite sex." By definition, "gender" refers to the personality of a person, while "sex" refers to the physiology or genetics of a person, so a request from Chris for love from the opposite gender is an open invitation to MTF trannies. In [[Sonichu 9]], he referred to women as another species. While at times it may seem as if females are from another planet, they are still classified as ''[[Homo]] sapiens'', just like men.

In his world, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful...sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate".<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> He claims he learned everything from simply watching porn and hentai, and basic high school sex education. Who would think that such art forms could be this beneficial? This thinking has certainly worked wonders for Chris, who now believes that [[mass debating|masturbating]] a whole fucking lot will ultimately make him better at sex. And, he has a subscription to ''Playboy''!

Chris also suffers from the delusion that his [[duck|penis]] is [[Giant Penis Comic|huge]]. He also has a flaccidity problem, which is possibly a hormonal pathology or [[Wikipedia:Peyronie's disease|Peyronie's disease]]. Despite this obvious lack of virility, he is still a stud in his own mind. However, he has expressed jealousy of men whose penises are over seven inches long.<ref>[[:File:Evan responds to his death.png|Evan responds to his death in Sonichu 10]]</ref>

Chris has advised little children to play with the opposite gender's toys. According to him, boys should get [[My Little Pony]]s, and girls ought to go for [[Transformers]], all to better understand the opposite gender.<ref>[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]</ref> In his [[Sonichu 9|Dating ED]] comic, the teacher gave boys "Barbara" dolls, while the girls received "Robert" dolls. Disturbingly enough, these are the names of his parents. This is consistent with Freudian psychology - to a child, their parents are their model for sexual relationships. Of course, Chris doesn't realize that not everyone is lucky (if you could call it that) enough to have parents like his.

Among other views of gender, Chris reveals a lot of sexist tendencies. Based on his failed attempts at getting girls at the mall, he has concluded that all girls are already paired up, lesbians, or distracted with shopping. He can’t seem to acknowledge the possibility that women just might not be drawn to a fat, dumpy psycho, carrying an "[[attraction sign]]" and followed by the unpleasant aroma of [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|shit]] mixed with [[AXE]]. This view is supported by [[Barbara]], who tells him how handsome and special he is, and how the girls won't be able to keep their hands off him. He obviously doesn't realize that all parents think their kids are the most beautiful little snowflakes in the world, and probably still sees her as an unbiased source for compliments.

== Moral basis on sex and double standards ==
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? LOL. I mean ''really''? In a ''children's'' comic? 'Cuz they know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: But I say to you, That whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is dictated by the Christian bible. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' [[homos]], but not hesitating to view lesbian porn and approve of it ("I like dykes[…]"). This logic probably stems from an episode of ''[[Family Guy]]'' where one of Meg's friends states that lesbianism is a choice, while male homosexuality isn't. This comment was intended as a joke, but like most satire, it flew right over Chris's head. Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he plans on not losing his virginity until a [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true sweetheart (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). Well, guess that the whole “no sex till marriage thing” doesn’t matter that much now, does it?

The Christian Bible also frowns upon pornographers and sodomites, both sins of which he is guilty and holds no visible remorse. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to dogmatize and what is OK. In his defense, he did used to drink his own [[semen|cum]], so that the seed of his loins wouldn’t get lost à la Onan (but he probably doesn't know about that, so it's still just him being stupid). It should be noted that by doing this, he is technically eating his own [[Crystal|children]]. It is still uncertain whether he enjoys the taste of his [[semen|navy]], or whether he is too retarded to realise that Onan was punished for not doing God's will (by practising the withdrawal method instead of impregnating his sister-in-law.) Whatever the reason, it's hilarious.

He also believes that premarital sex is okay as long as he's wearing a condom, because that means there will be a barrier between his [[duck]] and her [[china]]. Again, he doesn't understand that the sex itself is the sin, and not whether they're touching or not.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is partially because he goes to a very liberal church, and any question about premarital sex is interpreted quite liberally by [[Rocky]]. When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by the trolls, she only fuels his cafeteria Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which is wrong by Christian doctrine. Chris picks and chooses what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest|Fuck Quest]].

Chris seems to consider a woman sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he ever held, he announced his desire to upload on internet [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)|the video of his first full sexual intercourse]]. When interrogated over the desire of his partner's legitimate desire of intimacy, he merely added that he would simply [[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line|hide cameras, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public]]. This proves that for Chris, a woman is just a [[Megan Schroeder|living, sentient sex-toy]], existing only to validate him as a heterosexual.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|right]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous [[sex tape]] with [[Kimmi]] shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. Since Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the men in pornography (due to fear of becoming a homo), Chris assumes that it's perfectly normal for a man to ride on top, lean forward, and moan while calling out his partner's name.

Chris's view of cunnilingus involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina in the same way a dog would slobber over his master. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the clitoris (if he even knows what ''that'' is).

Chris having sex also involves shouting his lover's name (JUUULAAAAAAY!!!) in the same way an adolescent would shout out "PENIS" during the Penis Game — again, copying what he sees in porn. Chris constantly speaks in a monotone yet high pitched and feminine voice, without any real feeling.

Chris takes an extremely long time to orgasm in these leaked media, suggesting that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (possibly from his bent duck, fat ass, lack of endurance) or psychological (possibly performance anxiety, high expectations, subconscious guilt about sex) in nature.

Some argue that based on such leaked media, Chris may not actually enjoy sex as a manifestation for expressing love or even for physical sensations, but in a more childlike way of getting some psychological satisfaction from doing something "naughty" and "adult." He only wants to have sex so that he won't be a [[virgin with rage]] anymore, and can be regarded as "normal."

==Staying straight==
''See also [[Homos#Fear of being a homo|Fear of being a homo]]''

Chris apparently thinks that homosexuality is contagious. He feels that spending time with men will turn him gay, so he insists on only having female friends ([[gal pal]]s). He admitted to using a ''[[Sailor Moon]]'' poster to stay straight. When he met a gay friend of [[Megan]]'s, he became hostile. In his apology letter to Megan, he had this to say:

{{quote|Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation."'| Chris, "I'm sorry... *[[sigh]]*" , Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm)}}

Chris's answers to [[Mailbag|fan mail]] suggest that he is bombarded by constant homoerotic thoughts and uses several unhealthy coping methods to suppress them:

{{quote|Although the gender change would be my "rather-to-do" over becoming a homo, but in your case, I would suggest looking at women more, fantasize yourself with their breasts and pussys [sic]; do this continuously. Hypnotize yourself; every time you have a homo thought, you will feel like you are being shocked by lightning and that it really hurts. And every time you fantasize women, breasts and pussy, you will feel calm, relaxed and good. But DO NOT hurt yourself physically for real; that would be really bad. In other words, you would be reprogramming your brain. | Chris, [[Mailbag 3]]}}

{{quote|First off, should such images enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever. | Chris, [[Mailbag 4]]}}

To further reiterate just how straight he is, Chris released his infamous [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 18th, 2009|dildo crushing video]], featuring a sign on the back of his foot — which he uses to proclaim that HE IS STRAIGHT for the 9001st time — containing a crude drawing of a female body, consisting of breasts and a hairy vagina. Because this is what all straight men do to assert their heterosexuality.

In an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|an IRC fan chat]], Chris went so far as wanting to make homosexuality illegal:
{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "Deck the Halls".|Chris, 02 January 09, 11:59}}

When asked how he would go about this, he commented that homosexuals would be "taken in and reprogrammed with multiple upon multiple pleasurable moments with female prison inmates and prosts[itutes]" and that "prisons will no longer be divided between gender." Take a moment to consider how twisted that would be. He justifies this by saying that "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." Apparently lazy, greedy, sexually lascivious, vengeful retards who wish damnation upon others are all part of God's divine plan.

Chris also believes his "straight" blood could be used to engineer some kind of anti-gay vaccine:

{{quote|Spoiler Alert: In the comic, during my time in the void, I end up at a later year when scientists have truly isolated the Homo Gene, and needed to isolate the Straight Gene to make the Vaccine. I Personally Volunter [sic] a bit of my blood, they find the Straight Gene, and I take a couple of syringes with me back into the void on my trek back to my time. Guess who will be the first to be injected and transformed back to his past self Permanently... [[Reldnahc]]. I took two syringes for in case one of them breaks or gets lost.| Chris, [[Mailbag 1]]}}

The true irony of Chris' homophobia lies in his own logic. Chris hates [[Jerks|every male on the face of the earth]] save his [[Bob Chandler|father]] due to numerous rejections from women, under the guise of them already having boyfriends. [[Dating education|Completely confident]] that he is a perfect Adonis and that there must be some other reason women reject him, Chris took their statements to heart and came up with the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]. Now, if the the entire gay community were strapped down and tortured into being straight, Chris's already pathetically slim chances of finding a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] rocket down another notch, increasing the manchild's chances of dying alone, and the Gene Pool taking a step forward.

==Is Chris asexual?==
There is a possibility that Chris is asexual, and only emphasizes his being STRAIGHT due to the overwhelming portrayal in the media of men being sexually active and heterosexual. This could also explain some of his twisted views regarding sex and romance. He genuinely could not understand the appeal of most sexual activity, and just "goes through the motions." This would also explain why it appears as if he's uncontrollably horny all the time, as being fixated on sex with females means he's a straight adult. He also seems to have the perception that sex is a rite of passage, and that you cannot be regarded as an adult until you lose your virginity.

* He has the idea he must "maintain" his straightness, much like how he must regularly change the oil in the [[Son-Chu|Sonichu-mobile]]. While it could be that he is gay deep down inside, it can also be argued that he has no major sexual compulsions of any kind, and is just trying to induce them through [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|external sources]]. Why else would he have to try so hard?

* According to himself, Chris only masturbates twice a week, and states that it's only to keep his "[[Mass debating#Frequency|hormones under control]]," while most men masturbate daily, sometimes more.

* Chris did not discover masturbation until the age of 16, while most men figure it out once they hit puberty (around 11). Which would mean that either he had no libido or sexual interest in girls... or he's too stupid to figure out how to diddle himself. 16 was also the age where he pretty much discovered sex, not through physical sensation, but through an external source, in this case HBO's softcore films.

* Chris's interest in finding a [[sweetheart]] appears to have been spurred on by a desire for companionship, as opposed to a desire for a sexual relationship. This is supported by his constant emphasis on being "lonely," as well as requiring his heartsweet to be "caring and compassionate" (which is both ironic and stupid, as he wouldn't be able to reciprocate any companionship received, and who would want to be in a relationship with someone who ''isn't'' "caring and compassionate"?).

* Going with the above, in the ''[[Story of My Love Quest Days]]'', Christian states that he does not want a girlfriend for "hanky panky" but instead: "I need a Girlfriend, ''Solely'' for LOVE and TRUST!" [Emphasis added] Then again, this could just be his attempt at looking gentlemanly, and totally ''not'' perverted and sexist.

* While his creepy attempts at touching/kissing [[Megan]] and [[Emily|other]] [[kacey|girls]] would indicate some form of sexuality, it could be part of his limited perception of what it means to be a sexually active adult, or just pure and simple attempts at being straight under the rationale that if he does this to a woman, this makes him not a homo. He's not trying to molest girls and chase them around with a sign out of sexual desire, but rather out of a desire to be seen as either "straight" and/or "adult".

However, some autistics simply do not understand sexual attraction (for example, autistic and hugbox inventor [[Wikipedia:Temple Grandin|Temple Grandin]] chooses to be celibate because she admits that she really does not understand sexual attraction and that she lacks the ability, as a consequence of her autism, to engage in a sexual relationship). It's possible that Chris genuinely does not understand why two people would want to get together and have sexual intercourse, aside from the fact he's seen people in the media do it and that he thinks that sex is a rite of passage to becoming a [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles|big boy]]. He hasn't grasped (and probably never will) that adulthood also involves such things as moving out, getting a job, and not sitting in one's room waiting for [[Monthly tugboat|Mommy Government]] to hand one everything.

When asked about it in the [[Mailbag 26#Chris and asexuality|mailbag]], Chris clarifies that he "[gets] an ERECTION when [he sees] WOMEN STRIPPING, or are already NAKED." The letter in question didn't actually ask whether or not Chris himself is asexual, but rather his opinion on asexual people.

==Pedophilia==

''See also [[Pedofork]]''

[[Image:ChrisChanDamageControl.jpg|thumb|right|250px|"I AM NOT A PEDOFORK, YOU DORKS!"]]
Although the Sonichu series was originally intended for children, Chris put a bunch of porn into issue 8. This included graphic depictions of Sonichu and Rosechu having sex, and multiple instances of Rosechu stripping naked. One of the most notorious sequences came near the end of episode 17, where Rosechu face-raped [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] to a near-death state after he taunted her by throwing a pickle at her. In the same episode an [[Zapina|anthropomorphic lightning bug]] exclaims "I've just turned 14-years cute!!!" and wishes to assist [[Rosechu]] in making porn for "[[women's rights]]." Rosechu says "I don't know child, what with the dumb laws." This quote is a good indicator that [[Pedofork|Chris believes the legal age should be lower.]] Chris later stated in [[Mailbag 3#Plush boobs and pedoforks|Mailbag 3]] that if given the power, he would change the age of consent in America to "Sweet 16", making it "another good reason it would be a 'Sweet' age." He is obviously unaware that age of consent is controlled by the state, and most states already have it set at 16 or 17. But in Virginia, it's 18. He also believes that kids can participate in "adult" activities, like perverse satires with adult themes and making a porno, as long as there's adult supervision.

All of his attempts at a classified ad for himself always start with "I'm looking for an 18-2X boyfriend free girl…" At his age, being seen with a woman a decade younger than him would be considered socially unacceptable and downright creepy, based on the "half-your-age-plus-seven" tradition. Of course, Chris doesn't understand social mores regarding age differences, so to him, if she's legal and breathing, she's fit as a sexual partner. This leads one to ask how low he'd go. If the legal age were, for example, 14, would he instead be saying "I'm looking for an 14-28 year old boyfriend-free girl…"?

Chris notoriously had sex with [[Kimmi]], an anime blow up doll that looks underage. He maintains that he stays straight by looking at a [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon poster]], which features said character and her 8 year old daughter from the future, and when he was editing his [[ED]] article in his favor, one of his accounts had underage porn featured prominently on the user page. Most of the underage porn from this user page, along with a few other pieces of pornographic art chosen by him (which, ironically enough, includes Pedobear… ''twice'') would reappear in the "elevator gag" in Sonichu #8. One might argue that because of his notoriously bad facial recognition, he might not realize how young they actually are. But as mentioned in the [[The Tale of the Crazy Pacer]], he is quite good at age recognition (a talent common among autistics). This obviously brings up many questions.

To be fair, there is evidence to suggest that even Chris has '''some''' degree of an age limit. In one of [[Chris-chan Discusses...|Guru Larry's Interviews]] with him, Chris reacted with shock when Larry mentioned how another internet lolcow, [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Spax3 Spax3], allegedly has a crush on Cream the Rabbit, a six-year-old character from the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] series. This could mean that he looks down on someone going after someone so young or it could just be shock that someone shares a [[Love Quest|common interest]] with him... In addition, he stated that [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|bestiality]] is wrong, but didn't mention the age factor.

Another thing to note is that Chris's own character [[Rosechu]] is based off [[Amy Rose]], another character from the Sonic the Hedgehog series, and one who is only twelve years old in canon.<ref>http://sonic.wikia.com/wiki/Amy_Rose</ref>

It's possible Chris only cares about getting his [[china]], and not so much how old it is. Then again, he doesn't ask for girls any older than him on his [[sign]], so clearly he [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|likes 'em young]], so to speak. But this also might be a throwback from his "old-fashioned" rearing, which demands that the woman must be younger.

==Bestiality==
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris in [[IRC (27 December 2008)]]}}

Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a furry is still debated, with people arguing that he doesn't participate in the furry community, and probably only draws furry porn because he is a creature of habit and is more used to drawing furry porn than human porn. There have been [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|some]] [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|exceptions]], but nearly all Rule 34s he has drawn depict some furry creatures having sex. Chris has also used his hedgehog fursona while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref>CWC Cums for a Cat</ref> In the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. He most likely doesn't know what a furry is.

Another possible theory is, since Chris seems unable to mention the basic terms describing sexual action (see "china," "duck," etc.), the use of fursonas allows him to present sexual material in a cartoony, rather than realistic, fashion.

In his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against bestiality, then hoists himself with his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form. Technically, this isn't bestiality. They're animals having sex with each other, not humans having sex with animals. Chris, however, is a man masturbating while drawing pictures of animals having sex with each other. That ain't normal.

Chris has also suggested that Brian from [[Family Guy]] be paired up with a 'any sexy breed' of dog.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Family_Guy#Story_of_the_CWC_Episode_for_.22Family_Guy.22 Family Guy Article on the CWCipedia]</ref>

==Prostitution==
{{quote|"In my sarch[sic] on Craigslist, the ONLY women who left a phone number on their Ad were under "Adult Services", which they would have wanted money. I tried calling one, learned she wanted a hundred, then in the middle of telling my story about Jack and my PSN account recovery with a Sex video, she hung up on me. :("|Chris, wasting a prostitute's time}}

While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked PlayStation Network accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, [[Brian Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a Virgin with Rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].

==Chris and rape==
{{Quote|I would appreciate it if I was FULLY UNDERSTOOD as the Noble Gentleman that I am.|Chris, a man who groped a [[Kacey|woman]] the first time he met her.}}

As Chris's sexual frustrations continue to build and build, some observers have raised the unsettling question of whether he might try to force himself on a woman. The possibility does seem real - his relationship with [[Megan Schroeder]] provides many examples of his [[Autism|inability to understand]] the importance of respecting physical boundaries and the simple fact that "no means no."

Thanks to his characteristic lack of empathy, Chris has almost no grasp on how emotional and physical intimacies develop in the real world. [[Anime]] and porn have taught him all the wrong lessons — he assumes that sex is something that just happens, and usually sooner rather than later. He quite literally believes the joke statement, "rape is how they say 'hello' in Japan". Being a retard, he assumes that not only is that true, but that it applies to Western culture as well. He took it as a given that Megan would put out if he won the [[PaRappa the Rapper]] contest and took her to [[Wikipedia:Seattle|Seattle]]. In his conversations with [[Vivian Gee]], he professed a belief that sex automatically happens after the [[third date]]. During his feud with [[CChanSonichuCWC]], he seemed to think that he’d be able to get some if he lured his rival's girlfriend [[Kacey]] to his house, and never mind that she'd probably be able to tell the difference between Chris and her ''real'' boyfriend. This is him again believing that everyone is as stupid and terrible with faces as he is.

Whether Chris understands rape as a concept is up for debate. He claims that he knows what rape is, but at the very least, his self-absorption and lack of empathy mean that he doesn't understand the gravity of rape, or its long-term consequences for the victim. It is possible that the only reason he knows anything about rape is through porn, where it isn't portrayed as bad, and the girl always ends up enjoying it in the end.

As stated above, Chris has claimed that in his ideal world, homosexuals would be ''"taken in and reprogrammed with multiple upon multiple pleasurable moments with female prison inmates and prosts[itutes]"''and that ''"prisons will no longer be divided between gender."'' It is unknown if Chris would obtain permission from the women before putting them to work "reprogramming" gay men, but the fact that he specifies prison inmates seems to imply that he doesn't expect the women to cooperate willingly. He also fails to realise that "reprogramming" homosexuals by forcing them to have sex with women constitutes rape. The fact that he believes prisons being co-ed would reduce the incidence of homosexuality shows that he is, on some level, aware that homosexual sex and rape occurs in prison, but he doesn't specify whether integration would allow men and women to have consensual relations or just shift the rape from male on male to male on female.

When [[IRC_(21_January_2009)|confronted with the news]] that his sweetheart [[PandaHalo]] had been raped by [[Clyde Cash]] and become pregnant as a result, Chris was easily distracted from the emotional impact of what had happened, and instead focused most of his attention on what kind of domestic arrangements would result, or whether he might have to forgo his trip to Nintendo of America headquarters in order to pay for an abortion. His first reaction was to tell her that he wouldn't blame her or "hold it against [her]". Any woman assumes as long as her mate isn't a misogynistic asshole that he wouldn't blame her, and being "reassured" of such isn't exactly comforting or helpful. Chris was even willing to accept the mind-boggling possibility that Panda might want to live with Clyde, and raise her child alongside him.

While [[IRC (23 July 2009)|pretending to be a troll]] in an IRC conversation, Chris suggested twice that the trolls should instigate him to rape [[Rocky]]. Whether Chris actually wants to rape Rocky and then use the trolls as a convenient scapegoat ("They made me do it!"), or whether he is particularly awful at bluffing, remains a mystery.

In [[Sonichu 10]], Chris reveals that he had traveled forward in time and, aside from finding the cure for homosexuality, he also meets his [[Lovely Weather|future wife]]. Mistaking Chris for his future self, his wife invites him home for some sexing. Chris seems to think that there's nothing wrong with having sex with a woman if she thinks you're someone else. Chris falls back on the old standby, "if she didn't say no, it's not rape." Like his stance on [[Women's Rights]], where he maintains he's not a chauvinist because he'd never physically abuse a woman, Chris fails to realize that there's more to it than that.

In his video [[IPods Down and Listen Up]], Chis "sings" about sexual assault with him as the "star" rapist. The lyrics describe the victim as a "[[Niggos|sleek, sexy panther]]" whom he fails to ambush as she flees. Then [[Sonichu's Edge|he chases her]], wears her out and, in his own words, ''"...You take it like a gal (gal), and then we pump (pump-pump, pump) ..."'' until impregnation.

Despite all these foreboding implications, however, it helps to keep a few practical facts in mind. Chris is a [[Chris and health|physically decrepit]] coward with an incredibly low threshold of pain. If he ever attempted to assault a woman, he probably wouldn’t get very far. For the sake of all involved, anyway, let's hope so. This is assuming that he doesn't squash her first with his [[obesity|massive girth]], in which case, there would be a problem.

== TL;DR ==
Chris is about as straight as his [[duck]].

==See also==
*[[Homos]]
*[[Women's rights]]
*[[Semen]]
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Chris and his ego]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and sex

2010-03-08T19:02:37Z

Kettle5000: /* Chris and rape */

{{Honest}}
{{oversized}}
[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sex''' (aka "hanky panky"), mostly stemming from stunted sexual development and a sheltered upbringing. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on HBO around age 16. He views pornographic films as "educational" and regularly purchases [[sex toys]] from AdamEve.com.

== Knowledge of sex and gender ==
[[Image:Thenightmarecontinues.jpg|thumb|Seven inches? Yeah, right.]]
Due to the combined threat of his somewhat [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]] and his peculiar mindset on sex, Chris is noticeably confused about sexual terminology. While he ''may'' have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. Chris repeatedly refers to women as the "opposite gender" as opposed to "opposite sex." By definition, "gender" refers to the personality of a person, while "sex" refers to the physiology or genetics of a person, so a request from Chris for love from the opposite gender is an open invitation to MTF trannies. In [[Sonichu 9]], he referred to women as another species. While at times it may seem as if females are from another planet, they are still classified as ''[[Homo]] sapiens'', just like men.

In his world, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful...sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate".<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> He claims he learned everything from simply watching porn and hentai, and basic high school sex education. Who would think that such art forms could be this beneficial? This thinking has certainly worked wonders for Chris, who now believes that [[mass debating|masturbating]] a whole fucking lot will ultimately make him better at sex. And, he has a subscription to ''Playboy''!

Chris also suffers from the delusion that his [[duck|penis]] is [[Giant Penis Comic|huge]]. He also has a flaccidity problem, which is possibly a hormonal pathology or [[Wikipedia:Peyronie's disease|Peyronie's disease]]. Despite this obvious lack of virility, he is still a stud in his own mind. However, he has expressed jealousy of men whose penises are over seven inches long.<ref>[[:File:Evan responds to his death.png|Evan responds to his death in Sonichu 10]]</ref>

Chris has advised little children to play with the opposite gender's toys. According to him, boys should get [[My Little Pony]]s, and girls ought to go for [[Transformers]], all to better understand the opposite gender.<ref>[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]</ref> In his [[Sonichu 9|Dating ED]] comic, the teacher gave boys "Barbara" dolls, while the girls received "Robert" dolls. Disturbingly enough, these are the names of his parents. This is consistent with Freudian psychology - to a child, their parents are their model for sexual relationships. Of course, Chris doesn't realize that not everyone is lucky (if you could call it that) enough to have parents like his.

Among other views of gender, Chris reveals a lot of sexist tendencies. Based on his failed attempts at getting girls at the mall, he has concluded that all girls are already paired up, lesbians, or distracted with shopping. He can’t seem to acknowledge the possibility that women just might not be drawn to a fat, dumpy psycho, carrying an "[[attraction sign]]" and followed by the unpleasant aroma of [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|shit]] mixed with [[AXE]]. This view is supported by [[Barbara]], who tells him how handsome and special he is, and how the girls won't be able to keep their hands off him. He obviously doesn't realize that all parents think their kids are the most beautiful little snowflakes in the world, and probably still sees her as an unbiased source for compliments.

== Moral basis on sex and double standards ==
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? LOL. I mean ''really''? In a ''children's'' comic? 'Cuz they know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: But I say to you, That whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is dictated by the Christian bible. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' [[homos]], but not hesitating to view lesbian porn and approve of it ("I like dykes[…]"). This logic probably stems from an episode of ''[[Family Guy]]'' where one of Meg's friends states that lesbianism is a choice, while male homosexuality isn't. This comment was intended as a joke, but like most satire, it flew right over Chris's head. Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he plans on not losing his virginity until a [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true sweetheart (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). Well, guess that the whole “no sex till marriage thing” doesn’t matter that much now, does it?

The Christian Bible also frowns upon pornographers and sodomites, both sins of which he is guilty and holds no visible remorse. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to dogmatize and what is OK. In his defense, he did used to drink his own [[semen|cum]], so that the seed of his loins wouldn’t get lost à la Onan (but he probably doesn't know about that, so it's still just him being stupid). It should be noted that by doing this, he is technically eating his own [[Crystal|children]]. It is still uncertain whether he enjoys the taste of his [[semen|navy]], or whether he is too retarded to realise that Onan was punished for not doing God's will (by practising the withdrawal method instead of impregnating his sister-in-law.) Whatever the reason, it's hilarious.

He also believes that premarital sex is okay as long as he's wearing a condom, because that means there will be a barrier between his [[duck]] and her [[china]]. Again, he doesn't understand that the sex itself is the sin, and not whether they're touching or not.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is partially because he goes to a very liberal church, and any question about premarital sex is interpreted quite liberally by [[Rocky]]. When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by the trolls, she only fuels his cafeteria Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which is wrong by Christian doctrine. Chris picks and chooses what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest|Fuck Quest]].

Chris seems to consider a woman sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he ever held, he announced his desire to upload on internet [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)|the video of his first full sexual intercourse]]. When interrogated over the desire of his partner's legitimate desire of intimacy, he merely added that he would simply [[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line|hide cameras, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public]]. This proves that for Chris, a woman is just a [[Megan Schroeder|living, sentient sex-toy]], existing only to validate him as a heterosexual.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|right]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous [[sex tape]] with [[Kimmi]] shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. Since Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the men in pornography (due to fear of becoming a homo), Chris assumes that it's perfectly normal for a man to ride on top, lean forward, and moan while calling out his partner's name.

Chris's view of cunnilingus involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina in the same way a dog would slobber over his master. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the clitoris (if he even knows what ''that'' is).

Chris having sex also involves shouting his lover's name (JUUULAAAAAAY!!!) in the same way an adolescent would shout out "PENIS" during the Penis Game — again, copying what he sees in porn. Chris constantly speaks in a monotone yet high pitched and feminine voice, without any real feeling.

Chris takes an extremely long time to orgasm in these leaked media, suggesting that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (possibly from his bent duck, fat ass, lack of endurance) or psychological (possibly performance anxiety, high expectations, subconscious guilt about sex) in nature.

Some argue that based on such leaked media, Chris may not actually enjoy sex as a manifestation for expressing love or even for physical sensations, but in a more childlike way of getting some psychological satisfaction from doing something "naughty" and "adult." He only wants to have sex so that he won't be a [[virgin with rage]] anymore, and can be regarded as "normal."

==Staying straight==
''See also [[Homos#Fear of being a homo|Fear of being a homo]]''

Chris apparently thinks that homosexuality is contagious. He feels that spending time with men will turn him gay, so he insists on only having female friends ([[gal pal]]s). He admitted to using a ''[[Sailor Moon]]'' poster to stay straight. When he met a gay friend of [[Megan]]'s, he became hostile. In his apology letter to Megan, he had this to say:

{{quote|Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation."'| Chris, "I'm sorry... *[[sigh]]*" , Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm)}}

Chris's answers to [[Mailbag|fan mail]] suggest that he is bombarded by constant homoerotic thoughts and uses several unhealthy coping methods to suppress them:

{{quote|Although the gender change would be my "rather-to-do" over becoming a homo, but in your case, I would suggest looking at women more, fantasize yourself with their breasts and pussys [sic]; do this continuously. Hypnotize yourself; every time you have a homo thought, you will feel like you are being shocked by lightning and that it really hurts. And every time you fantasize women, breasts and pussy, you will feel calm, relaxed and good. But DO NOT hurt yourself physically for real; that would be really bad. In other words, you would be reprogramming your brain. | Chris, [[Mailbag 3]]}}

{{quote|First off, should such images enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever. | Chris, [[Mailbag 4]]}}

To further reiterate just how straight he is, Chris released his infamous [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 18th, 2009|dildo crushing video]], featuring a sign on the back of his foot — which he uses to proclaim that HE IS STRAIGHT for the 9001st time — containing a crude drawing of a female body, consisting of breasts and a hairy vagina. Because this is what all straight men do to assert their heterosexuality.

In an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|an IRC fan chat]], Chris went so far as wanting to make homosexuality illegal:
{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "Deck the Halls".|Chris, 02 January 09, 11:59}}

When asked how he would go about this, he commented that homosexuals would be "taken in and reprogrammed with multiple upon multiple pleasurable moments with female prison inmates and prosts[itutes]" and that "prisons will no longer be divided between gender." Take a moment to consider how twisted that would be. He justifies this by saying that "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." Apparently lazy, greedy, sexually lascivious, vengeful retards who wish damnation upon others are all part of God's divine plan.

Chris also believes his "straight" blood could be used to engineer some kind of anti-gay vaccine:

{{quote|Spoiler Alert: In the comic, during my time in the void, I end up at a later year when scientists have truly isolated the Homo Gene, and needed to isolate the Straight Gene to make the Vaccine. I Personally Volunter [sic] a bit of my blood, they find the Straight Gene, and I take a couple of syringes with me back into the void on my trek back to my time. Guess who will be the first to be injected and transformed back to his past self Permanently... [[Reldnahc]]. I took two syringes for in case one of them breaks or gets lost.| Chris, [[Mailbag 1]]}}

The true irony of Chris' homophobia lies in his own logic. Chris hates [[Jerks|every male on the face of the earth]] save his [[Bob Chandler|father]] due to numerous rejections from women, under the guise of them already having boyfriends. [[Dating education|Completely confident]] that he is a perfect Adonis and that there must be some other reason women reject him, Chris took their statements to heart and came up with the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]. Now, if the the entire gay community were strapped down and tortured into being straight, Chris's already pathetically slim chances of finding a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] rocket down another notch, increasing the manchild's chances of dying alone, and the Gene Pool taking a step forward.

==Is Chris asexual?==
There is a possibility that Chris is asexual, and only emphasizes his being STRAIGHT due to the overwhelming portrayal in the media of men being sexually active and heterosexual. This could also explain some of his twisted views regarding sex and romance. He genuinely could not understand the appeal of most sexual activity, and just "goes through the motions." This would also explain why it appears as if he's uncontrollably horny all the time, as being fixated on sex with females means he's a straight adult. He also seems to have the perception that sex is a rite of passage, and that you cannot be regarded as an adult until you lose your virginity.

* He has the idea he must "maintain" his straightness, much like how he must regularly change the oil in the [[Son-Chu|Sonichu-mobile]]. While it could be that he is gay deep down inside, it can also be argued that he has no major sexual compulsions of any kind, and is just trying to induce them through [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|external sources]]. Why else would he have to try so hard?

* According to himself, Chris only masturbates twice a week, and states that it's only to keep his "[[Mass debating#Frequency|hormones under control]]," while most men masturbate daily, sometimes more.

* Chris did not discover masturbation until the age of 16, while most men figure it out once they hit puberty (around 11). Which would mean that either he had no libido or sexual interest in girls... or he's too stupid to figure out how to diddle himself. 16 was also the age where he pretty much discovered sex, not through physical sensation, but through an external source, in this case HBO's softcore films.

* Chris's interest in finding a [[sweetheart]] appears to have been spurred on by a desire for companionship, as opposed to a desire for a sexual relationship. This is supported by his constant emphasis on being "lonely," as well as requiring his heartsweet to be "caring and compassionate" (which is both ironic and stupid, as he wouldn't be able to reciprocate any companionship received, and who would want to be in a relationship with someone who ''isn't'' "caring and compassionate"?).

* Going with the above, in the ''[[Story of My Love Quest Days]]'', Christian states that he does not want a girlfriend for "hanky panky" but instead: "I need a Girlfriend, ''Solely'' for LOVE and TRUST!" [Emphasis added] Then again, this could just be his attempt at looking gentlemanly, and totally ''not'' perverted and sexist.

* While his creepy attempts at touching/kissing [[Megan]] and [[Emily|other]] [[kacey|girls]] would indicate some form of sexuality, it could be part of his limited perception of what it means to be a sexually active adult, or just pure and simple attempts at being straight under the rationale that if he does this to a woman, this makes him not a homo. He's not trying to molest girls and chase them around with a sign out of sexual desire, but rather out of a desire to be seen as either "straight" and/or "adult".

However, some autistics simply do not understand sexual attraction (for example, autistic and hugbox inventor [[Wikipedia:Temple Grandin|Temple Grandin]] chooses to be celibate because she admits that she really does not understand sexual attraction and that she lacks the ability, as a consequence of her autism, to engage in a sexual relationship). It's possible that Chris genuinely does not understand why two people would want to get together and have sexual intercourse, aside from the fact he's seen people in the media do it and that he thinks that sex is a rite of passage to becoming a [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles|big boy]]. He hasn't grasped (and probably never will) that adulthood also involves such things as moving out, getting a job, and not sitting in one's room waiting for [[Monthly tugboat|Mommy Government]] to hand one everything.

When asked about it in the [[Mailbag 26#Chris and asexuality|mailbag]], Chris clarifies that he "[gets] an ERECTION when [he sees] WOMEN STRIPPING, or are already NAKED." The letter in question didn't actually ask whether or not Chris himself is asexual, but rather his opinion on asexual people.

==Pedophilia==
[[Image:ChrisChanDamageControl.jpg|thumb|right|250px|"I AM NOT A PEDOFORK, YOU DORKS!"]]
To avoid looking like a pedophile, Chris made an announcement before [[Sonichu 8|issue 8]] that he was changing the ages of the characters so they could all legally have sex (in Virginia, at least. The age of consent for most states is 16). While retconning a character's age is hardly unusual, it's obvious in this case that he did it just so his recolors could have sexual relations — after all, why else would he make such a big announcement about retconning anyway?

Although the Sonichu series was originally intended for children, he put a bunch of porn into issue 8. This included (but was not limited to) graphic depictions of Sonichu and Rosechu having sex, and multiple instances of Rosechu stripping naked. One of the most notorious sequences came near the end of episode 17, where Rosechu face-raped [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] to a near-death state after he taunted her by throwing a pickle at her. Also, towards the end of episode 17, an [[Zapina|anthropomorphic lightning bug]] exclaims "I've just turned 14-years cute!!!" and wishes to assist [[Rosechu]] in making porn for "[[women's rights]]." Rosechu says "I don't know child, what with the dumb laws." This quote is a good indicator that [[Pedofork|Chris believes the legal age should be lower.]] This belief was later confirmed in one of Chris's responses to [[troll|fan]] mail in [[Mailbag 3#Plush boobs and pedoforks|Mailbag 3]], where he states that if given the power, he would change the age of consent in America to "Sweet 16", making it "another good reason it would be a 'Sweet' age." He is obviously unaware that age of consent is controlled by the state, and most states already have it set at 16 or 17. But in Virginia, it's 18. He also believes that kids can participate in "adult" activities, like perverse satires with adult themes and making a porno, as long as there's adult supervision.

All of his attempts at a classified ad for himself always start with "I'm looking for an 18-2X boyfriend free girl…" At his age, being seen with a woman a decade younger than him would be considered socially unacceptable and downright creepy, based on the "half-your-age-plus-seven" tradition. Of course, Chris doesn't understand social mores regarding age differences, so to him, if she's legal and breathing, she's fit as a sexual partner. This, of course, may lead one to ask how low he'd go. If the legal age were, for example, 14, would he instead be saying "I'm looking for an 14-28 year old boyfriend-free girl…"?

In addition, Chris notoriously had sex with [[Kimmi]], an anime blow up doll that looks underage. He maintains that he stays straight by looking at a [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon poster]], which features said character and her 8 year old daughter from the future, and when he was editing his [[ED]] article in his favor, one of his accounts had underage porn featured prominently on the user page. Most of the underage porn from this user page, along with a few other pieces of pornographic art chosen by him (which, ironically enough, includes Pedobear… ''twice'') would reappear in the "elevator gag" in Sonichu #8. One might argue that because of his notoriously bad facial recognition, he might not realize how young they actually are. But as mentioned in the [[The Tale of the Crazy Pacer]], he is quite good at age recognition (a talent common among autistics). This obviously brings up many questions.

To be fair, there is evidence to suggest that even Chris has '''some''' degree of an age limit. In one of [[Chris-chan Discusses...|Guru Larry's Interviews]] with him, Chris reacted with shock when Larry mentioned how another internet lolcow, [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Spax3 Spax3], allegedly has a crush on Cream the Rabbit, a six-year-old character from the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] series. This could mean that he looks down on someone going after someone so young or it could just be shock that someone shares a [[Love Quest|common interest]] with him... In addition, he stated that [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|bestiality]] is wrong, but didn't mention the age factor.

Another thing to note is that Chris's own character [[Rosechu]] is based off [[Amy Rose]], another character from the Sonic the Hedgehog series, and one who is only twelve years old in canon.<ref>http://sonic.wikia.com/wiki/Amy_Rose</ref>

It's possible Chris only cares about getting his [[china]], and not so much how old it is. Then again, he doesn't ask for girls any older than him on his [[sign]], so clearly he [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|likes 'em young]], so to speak. But this also might be a throwback from his "old-fashioned" rearing, which demands that the woman must be younger.

==Bestiality==
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris in [[IRC (27 December 2008)]]}}

Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a furry is still debated, with people arguing that he doesn't participate in the furry community, and probably only draws furry porn because he is a creature of habit and is more used to drawing furry porn than human porn. There have been [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|some]] [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|exceptions]], but nearly all Rule 34s he has drawn depict some furry creatures having sex. Chris has also used his hedgehog fursona while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref>CWC Cums for a Cat</ref> In the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. He most likely doesn't know what a furry is.

Another possible theory is, since Chris seems unable to mention the basic terms describing sexual action (see "china," "duck," etc.), the use of fursonas allows him to present sexual material in a cartoony, rather than realistic, fashion.

In his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against bestiality, then hoists himself with his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form. Technically, this isn't bestiality. They're animals having sex with each other, not humans having sex with animals. Chris, however, is a man masturbating while drawing pictures of animals having sex with each other. That ain't normal.

Chris has also suggested that Brian from [[Family Guy]] be paired up with a 'any sexy breed' of dog.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Family_Guy#Story_of_the_CWC_Episode_for_.22Family_Guy.22 Family Guy Article on the CWCipedia]</ref>

==Prostitution==
{{quote|"In my sarch[sic] on Craigslist, the ONLY women who left a phone number on their Ad were under "Adult Services", which they would have wanted money. I tried calling one, learned she wanted a hundred, then in the middle of telling my story about Jack and my PSN account recovery with a Sex video, she hung up on me. :("|Chris, wasting a prostitute's time}}

While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked PlayStation Network accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, [[Brian Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a Virgin with Rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].

==Chris and rape==
{{Quote|I would appreciate it if I was FULLY UNDERSTOOD as the Noble Gentleman that I am.|Chris, a man who groped a [[Kacey|woman]] the first time he met her.}}

As Chris's sexual frustrations continue to build and build, some observers have raised the unsettling question of whether he might try to force himself on a woman. The possibility does seem real - his relationship with [[Megan Schroeder]] provides many examples of his [[Autism|inability to understand]] the importance of respecting physical boundaries and the simple fact that "no means no."

Thanks to his characteristic lack of empathy, Chris has almost no grasp on how emotional and physical intimacies develop in the real world. [[Anime]] and porn have taught him all the wrong lessons — he assumes that sex is something that just happens, and usually sooner rather than later. He quite literally believes the joke statement, "rape is how they say 'hello' in Japan". Being a retard, he assumes that not only is that true, but that it applies to Western culture as well. He took it as a given that Megan would put out if he won the [[PaRappa the Rapper]] contest and took her to [[Wikipedia:Seattle|Seattle]]. In his conversations with [[Vivian Gee]], he professed a belief that sex automatically happens after the [[third date]]. During his feud with [[CChanSonichuCWC]], he seemed to think that he’d be able to get some if he lured his rival's girlfriend [[Kacey]] to his house, and never mind that she'd probably be able to tell the difference between Chris and her ''real'' boyfriend. This is him again believing that everyone is as stupid and terrible with faces as he is.

Whether Chris understands rape as a concept is up for debate. He claims that he knows what rape is, but at the very least, his self-absorption and lack of empathy mean that he doesn't understand the gravity of rape, or its long-term consequences for the victim. It is possible that the only reason he knows anything about rape is through porn, where it isn't portrayed as bad, and the girl always ends up enjoying it in the end.

As stated above, Chris has claimed that in his ideal world, homosexuals would be ''"taken in and reprogrammed with multiple upon multiple pleasurable moments with female prison inmates and prosts[itutes]"''and that ''"prisons will no longer be divided between gender."'' It is unknown if Chris would obtain permission from the women before putting them to work "reprogramming" gay men, but the fact that he specifies prison inmates seems to imply that he doesn't expect the women to cooperate willingly. He also fails to realise that "reprogramming" homosexuals by forcing them to have sex with women constitutes rape. The fact that he believes prisons being co-ed would reduce the incidence of homosexuality shows that he is, on some level, aware that homosexual sex and rape occurs in prison, but he doesn't specify whether integration would allow men and women to have consensual relations or just shift the rape from male on male to male on female.

When [[IRC_(21_January_2009)|confronted with the news]] that his sweetheart [[PandaHalo]] had been raped by [[Clyde Cash]] and become pregnant as a result, Chris was easily distracted from the emotional impact of what had happened, and instead focused most of his attention on what kind of domestic arrangements would result, or whether he might have to forgo his trip to Nintendo of America headquarters in order to pay for an abortion. His first reaction was to tell her that he wouldn't blame her or "hold it against [her]". Any woman assumes as long as her mate isn't a misogynistic asshole that he wouldn't blame her, and being "reassured" of such isn't exactly comforting or helpful. Chris was even willing to accept the mind-boggling possibility that Panda might want to live with Clyde, and raise her child alongside him.

While [[IRC (23 July 2009)|pretending to be a troll]] in an IRC conversation, Chris suggested twice that the trolls should instigate him to rape [[Rocky]]. Whether Chris actually wants to rape Rocky and then use the trolls as a convenient scapegoat ("They made me do it!"), or whether he is particularly awful at bluffing, remains a mystery.

In [[Sonichu 10]], Chris reveals that he had traveled forward in time and, aside from finding the cure for homosexuality, he also meets his [[Lovely Weather|future wife]]. Mistaking Chris for his future self, his wife invites him home for some sexing. Chris seems to think that there's nothing wrong with having sex with a woman if she thinks you're someone else. Chris falls back on the old standby, "if she didn't say no, it's not rape." Like his stance on [[Women's Rights]], where he maintains he's not a chauvinist because he'd never physically abuse a woman, Chris fails to realize that there's more to it than that.

In his video [[IPods Down and Listen Up]], Chis "sings" about sexual assault with him as the "star" rapist. The lyrics describe the victim as a "[[Niggos|sleek, sexy panther]]" whom he fails to ambush as she flees. Then [[Sonichu's Edge|he chases her]], wears her out and, in his own words, ''"...You take it like a gal (gal), and then we pump (pump-pump, pump) ..."'' until impregnation.

Despite all these foreboding implications, however, it helps to keep a few practical facts in mind. Chris is a [[Chris and health|physically decrepit]] coward with an incredibly low threshold of pain. If he ever attempted to assault a woman, he probably wouldn’t get very far. For the sake of all involved, anyway, let's hope so. This is assuming that he doesn't squash her first with his [[obesity|massive girth]], in which case, there would be a problem.

== TL;DR ==
Chris is about as straight as his [[duck]].

==See also==
*[[Homos]]
*[[Women's rights]]
*[[Semen]]
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Chris and his ego]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and sex

2010-03-08T18:54:00Z

Kettle5000: Cut some stuff, moved some stuff around, simplified language in places

{{Honest}}
{{oversized}}
[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sex''' (aka "hanky panky"), mostly stemming from stunted sexual development and a sheltered upbringing. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on HBO around age 16. He views pornographic films as "educational" and regularly purchases [[sex toys]] from AdamEve.com.

== Knowledge of sex and gender ==
[[Image:Thenightmarecontinues.jpg|thumb|Seven inches? Yeah, right.]]
Due to the combined threat of his somewhat [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]] and his peculiar mindset on sex, Chris is noticeably confused about sexual terminology. While he ''may'' have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. Chris repeatedly refers to women as the "opposite gender" as opposed to "opposite sex." By definition, "gender" refers to the personality of a person, while "sex" refers to the physiology or genetics of a person, so a request from Chris for love from the opposite gender is an open invitation to MTF trannies. In [[Sonichu 9]], he referred to women as another species. While at times it may seem as if females are from another planet, they are still classified as ''[[Homo]] sapiens'', just like men.

In his world, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful...sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate".<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> He claims he learned everything from simply watching porn and hentai, and basic high school sex education. Who would think that such art forms could be this beneficial? This thinking has certainly worked wonders for Chris, who now believes that [[mass debating|masturbating]] a whole fucking lot will ultimately make him better at sex. And, he has a subscription to ''Playboy''!

Chris also suffers from the delusion that his [[duck|penis]] is [[Giant Penis Comic|huge]]. He also has a flaccidity problem, which is possibly a hormonal pathology or [[Wikipedia:Peyronie's disease|Peyronie's disease]]. Despite this obvious lack of virility, he is still a stud in his own mind. However, he has expressed jealousy of men whose penises are over seven inches long.<ref>[[:File:Evan responds to his death.png|Evan responds to his death in Sonichu 10]]</ref>

Chris has advised little children to play with the opposite gender's toys. According to him, boys should get [[My Little Pony]]s, and girls ought to go for [[Transformers]], all to better understand the opposite gender.<ref>[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE]]</ref> In his [[Sonichu 9|Dating ED]] comic, the teacher gave boys "Barbara" dolls, while the girls received "Robert" dolls. Disturbingly enough, these are the names of his parents. This is consistent with Freudian psychology - to a child, their parents are their model for sexual relationships. Of course, Chris doesn't realize that not everyone is lucky (if you could call it that) enough to have parents like his.

Among other views of gender, Chris reveals a lot of sexist tendencies. Based on his failed attempts at getting girls at the mall, he has concluded that all girls are already paired up, lesbians, or distracted with shopping. He can’t seem to acknowledge the possibility that women just might not be drawn to a fat, dumpy psycho, carrying an "[[attraction sign]]" and followed by the unpleasant aroma of [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|shit]] mixed with [[AXE]]. This view is supported by [[Barbara]], who tells him how handsome and special he is, and how the girls won't be able to keep their hands off him. He obviously doesn't realize that all parents think their kids are the most beautiful little snowflakes in the world, and probably still sees her as an unbiased source for compliments.

== Moral basis on sex and double standards ==
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? LOL. I mean ''really''? In a ''children's'' comic? 'Cuz they know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: But I say to you, That whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is dictated by the Christian bible. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' [[homos]], but not hesitating to view lesbian porn and approve of it ("I like dykes[…]"). This logic probably stems from an episode of ''[[Family Guy]]'' where one of Meg's friends states that lesbianism is a choice, while male homosexuality isn't. This comment was intended as a joke, but like most satire, it flew right over Chris's head. Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he plans on not losing his virginity until a [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true sweetheart (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). Well, guess that the whole “no sex till marriage thing” doesn’t matter that much now, does it?

The Christian Bible also frowns upon pornographers and sodomites, both sins of which he is guilty and holds no visible remorse. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to dogmatize and what is OK. In his defense, he did used to drink his own [[semen|cum]], so that the seed of his loins wouldn’t get lost à la Onan (but he probably doesn't know about that, so it's still just him being stupid). It should be noted that by doing this, he is technically eating his own [[Crystal|children]]. It is still uncertain whether he enjoys the taste of his [[semen|navy]], or whether he is too retarded to realise that Onan was punished for not doing God's will (by practising the withdrawal method instead of impregnating his sister-in-law.) Whatever the reason, it's hilarious.

He also believes that premarital sex is okay as long as he's wearing a condom, because that means there will be a barrier between his [[duck]] and her [[china]]. Again, he doesn't understand that the sex itself is the sin, and not whether they're touching or not.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is partially because he goes to a very liberal church, and any question about premarital sex is interpreted quite liberally by [[Rocky]]. When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by the trolls, she only fuels his cafeteria Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which is wrong by Christian doctrine. Chris picks and chooses what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest|Fuck Quest]].

Chris seems to consider a woman sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he ever held, he announced his desire to upload on internet [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)|the video of his first full sexual intercourse]]. When interrogated over the desire of his partner's legitimate desire of intimacy, he merely added that he would simply [[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line|hide cameras, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public]]. This proves that for Chris, a woman is just a [[Megan Schroeder|living, sentient sex-toy]], existing only to validate him as a heterosexual.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|right]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous [[sex tape]] with [[Kimmi]] shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. Since Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the men in pornography (due to fear of becoming a homo), Chris assumes that it's perfectly normal for a man to ride on top, lean forward, and moan while calling out his partner's name.

Chris's view of cunnilingus involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina in the same way a dog would slobber over his master. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the clitoris (if he even knows what ''that'' is).

Chris having sex also involves shouting his lover's name (JUUULAAAAAAY!!!) in the same way an adolescent would shout out "PENIS" during the Penis Game — again, copying what he sees in porn. Chris constantly speaks in a monotone yet high pitched and feminine voice, without any real feeling.

Chris takes an extremely long time to orgasm in these leaked media, suggesting that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (possibly from his bent duck, fat ass, lack of endurance) or psychological (possibly performance anxiety, high expectations, subconscious guilt about sex) in nature.

Some argue that based on such leaked media, Chris may not actually enjoy sex as a manifestation for expressing love or even for physical sensations, but in a more childlike way of getting some psychological satisfaction from doing something "naughty" and "adult." He only wants to have sex so that he won't be a [[virgin with rage]] anymore, and can be regarded as "normal."

==Staying straight==
''See also [[Homos#Fear of being a homo|Fear of being a homo]]''

Chris apparently thinks that homosexuality is contagious. He feels that spending time with men will turn him gay, so he insists on only having female friends ([[gal pal]]s). He admitted to using a ''[[Sailor Moon]]'' poster to stay straight. When he met a gay friend of [[Megan]]'s, he became hostile. In his apology letter to Megan, he had this to say:

{{quote|Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation."'| Chris, "I'm sorry... *[[sigh]]*" , Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm)}}

Chris's answers to [[Mailbag|fan mail]] suggest that he is bombarded by constant homoerotic thoughts and uses several unhealthy coping methods to suppress them:

{{quote|Although the gender change would be my "rather-to-do" over becoming a homo, but in your case, I would suggest looking at women more, fantasize yourself with their breasts and pussys [sic]; do this continuously. Hypnotize yourself; every time you have a homo thought, you will feel like you are being shocked by lightning and that it really hurts. And every time you fantasize women, breasts and pussy, you will feel calm, relaxed and good. But DO NOT hurt yourself physically for real; that would be really bad. In other words, you would be reprogramming your brain. | Chris, [[Mailbag 3]]}}

{{quote|First off, should such images enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever. | Chris, [[Mailbag 4]]}}

To further reiterate just how straight he is, Chris released his infamous [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 18th, 2009|dildo crushing video]], featuring a sign on the back of his foot — which he uses to proclaim that HE IS STRAIGHT for the 9001st time — containing a crude drawing of a female body, consisting of breasts and a hairy vagina. Because this is what all straight men do to assert their heterosexuality.

In an [[IRC (02 January 2009)|an IRC fan chat]], Chris went so far as wanting to make homosexuality illegal:
{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "Deck the Halls".|Chris, 02 January 09, 11:59}}

When asked how he would go about this, he commented that homosexuals would be "taken in and reprogrammed with multiple upon multiple pleasurable moments with female prison inmates and prosts[itutes]" and that "prisons will no longer be divided between gender." Take a moment to consider how twisted that would be. He justifies this by saying that "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." Apparently lazy, greedy, sexually lascivious, vengeful retards who wish damnation upon others are all part of God's divine plan.

Chris also believes his "straight" blood could be used to engineer some kind of anti-gay vaccine:

{{quote|Spoiler Alert: In the comic, during my time in the void, I end up at a later year when scientists have truly isolated the Homo Gene, and needed to isolate the Straight Gene to make the Vaccine. I Personally Volunter [sic] a bit of my blood, they find the Straight Gene, and I take a couple of syringes with me back into the void on my trek back to my time. Guess who will be the first to be injected and transformed back to his past self Permanently... [[Reldnahc]]. I took two syringes for in case one of them breaks or gets lost.| Chris, [[Mailbag 1]]}}

The true irony of Chris' homophobia lies in his own logic. Chris hates [[Jerks|every male on the face of the earth]] save his [[Bob Chandler|father]] due to numerous rejections from women, under the guise of them already having boyfriends. [[Dating education|Completely confident]] that he is a perfect Adonis and that there must be some other reason women reject him, Chris took their statements to heart and came up with the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]]. Now, if the the entire gay community were strapped down and tortured into being straight, Chris's already pathetically slim chances of finding a [[Boyfriend-Free Girl]] rocket down another notch, increasing the manchild's chances of dying alone, and the Gene Pool taking a step forward.

==Is Chris asexual?==
There is a possibility that Chris is asexual, and only emphasizes his being STRAIGHT due to the overwhelming portrayal in the media of men being sexually active and heterosexual. This could also explain some of his twisted views regarding sex and romance. He genuinely could not understand the appeal of most sexual activity, and just "goes through the motions." This would also explain why it appears as if he's uncontrollably horny all the time, as being fixated on sex with females means he's a straight adult. He also seems to have the perception that sex is a rite of passage, and that you cannot be regarded as an adult until you lose your virginity.

* He has the idea he must "maintain" his straightness, much like how he must regularly change the oil in the [[Son-Chu|Sonichu-mobile]]. While it could be that he is gay deep down inside, it can also be argued that he has no major sexual compulsions of any kind, and is just trying to induce them through [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|external sources]]. Why else would he have to try so hard?

* According to himself, Chris only masturbates twice a week, and states that it's only to keep his "[[Mass debating#Frequency|hormones under control]]," while most men masturbate daily, sometimes more.

* Chris did not discover masturbation until the age of 16, while most men figure it out once they hit puberty (around 11). Which would mean that either he had no libido or sexual interest in girls... or he's too stupid to figure out how to diddle himself. 16 was also the age where he pretty much discovered sex, not through physical sensation, but through an external source, in this case HBO's softcore films.

* Chris's interest in finding a [[sweetheart]] appears to have been spurred on by a desire for companionship, as opposed to a desire for a sexual relationship. This is supported by his constant emphasis on being "lonely," as well as requiring his heartsweet to be "caring and compassionate" (which is both ironic and stupid, as he wouldn't be able to reciprocate any companionship received, and who would want to be in a relationship with someone who ''isn't'' "caring and compassionate"?).

* Going with the above, in the ''[[Story of My Love Quest Days]]'', Christian states that he does not want a girlfriend for "hanky panky" but instead: "I need a Girlfriend, ''Solely'' for LOVE and TRUST!" [Emphasis added] Then again, this could just be his attempt at looking gentlemanly, and totally ''not'' perverted and sexist.

* While his creepy attempts at touching/kissing [[Megan]] and [[Emily|other]] [[kacey|girls]] would indicate some form of sexuality, it could be part of his limited perception of what it means to be a sexually active adult, or just pure and simple attempts at being straight under the rationale that if he does this to a woman, this makes him not a homo. He's not trying to molest girls and chase them around with a sign out of sexual desire, but rather out of a desire to be seen as either "straight" and/or "adult".

However, some autistics simply do not understand sexual attraction (for example, autistic and hugbox inventor [[Wikipedia:Temple Grandin|Temple Grandin]] chooses to be celibate because she admits that she really does not understand sexual attraction and that she lacks the ability, as a consequence of her autism, to engage in a sexual relationship). It's possible that Chris genuinely does not understand why two people would want to get together and have sexual intercourse, aside from the fact he's seen people in the media do it and that he thinks that sex is a rite of passage to becoming a [[Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles|big boy]]. He hasn't grasped (and probably never will) that adulthood also involves such things as moving out, getting a job, and not sitting in one's room waiting for [[Monthly tugboat|Mommy Government]] to hand one everything.

When asked about it in the [[Mailbag 26#Chris and asexuality|mailbag]], Chris clarifies that he "[gets] an ERECTION when [he sees] WOMEN STRIPPING, or are already NAKED." The letter in question didn't actually ask whether or not Chris himself is asexual, but rather his opinion on asexual people.

==Pedophilia==
[[Image:ChrisChanDamageControl.jpg|thumb|right|250px|"I AM NOT A PEDOFORK, YOU DORKS!"]]
To avoid looking like a pedophile, Chris made an announcement before [[Sonichu 8|issue 8]] that he was changing the ages of the characters so they could all legally have sex (in Virginia, at least. The age of consent for most states is 16). While retconning a character's age is hardly unusual, it's obvious in this case that he did it just so his recolors could have sexual relations — after all, why else would he make such a big announcement about retconning anyway?

Although the Sonichu series was originally intended for children, he put a bunch of porn into issue 8. This included (but was not limited to) graphic depictions of Sonichu and Rosechu having sex, and multiple instances of Rosechu stripping naked. One of the most notorious sequences came near the end of episode 17, where Rosechu face-raped [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] to a near-death state after he taunted her by throwing a pickle at her. Also, towards the end of episode 17, an [[Zapina|anthropomorphic lightning bug]] exclaims "I've just turned 14-years cute!!!" and wishes to assist [[Rosechu]] in making porn for "[[women's rights]]." Rosechu says "I don't know child, what with the dumb laws." This quote is a good indicator that [[Pedofork|Chris believes the legal age should be lower.]] This belief was later confirmed in one of Chris's responses to [[troll|fan]] mail in [[Mailbag 3#Plush boobs and pedoforks|Mailbag 3]], where he states that if given the power, he would change the age of consent in America to "Sweet 16", making it "another good reason it would be a 'Sweet' age." He is obviously unaware that age of consent is controlled by the state, and most states already have it set at 16 or 17. But in Virginia, it's 18. He also believes that kids can participate in "adult" activities, like perverse satires with adult themes and making a porno, as long as there's adult supervision.

All of his attempts at a classified ad for himself always start with "I'm looking for an 18-2X boyfriend free girl…" At his age, being seen with a woman a decade younger than him would be considered socially unacceptable and downright creepy, based on the "half-your-age-plus-seven" tradition. Of course, Chris doesn't understand social mores regarding age differences, so to him, if she's legal and breathing, she's fit as a sexual partner. This, of course, may lead one to ask how low he'd go. If the legal age were, for example, 14, would he instead be saying "I'm looking for an 14-28 year old boyfriend-free girl…"?

In addition, Chris notoriously had sex with [[Kimmi]], an anime blow up doll that looks underage. He maintains that he stays straight by looking at a [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|Sailor Moon poster]], which features said character and her 8 year old daughter from the future, and when he was editing his [[ED]] article in his favor, one of his accounts had underage porn featured prominently on the user page. Most of the underage porn from this user page, along with a few other pieces of pornographic art chosen by him (which, ironically enough, includes Pedobear… ''twice'') would reappear in the "elevator gag" in Sonichu #8. One might argue that because of his notoriously bad facial recognition, he might not realize how young they actually are. But as mentioned in the [[The Tale of the Crazy Pacer]], he is quite good at age recognition (a talent common among autistics). This obviously brings up many questions.

To be fair, there is evidence to suggest that even Chris has '''some''' degree of an age limit. In one of [[Chris-chan Discusses...|Guru Larry's Interviews]] with him, Chris reacted with shock when Larry mentioned how another internet lolcow, [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Spax3 Spax3], allegedly has a crush on Cream the Rabbit, a six-year-old character from the [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] series. This could mean that he looks down on someone going after someone so young or it could just be shock that someone shares a [[Love Quest|common interest]] with him... In addition, he stated that [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|bestiality]] is wrong, but didn't mention the age factor.

Another thing to note is that Chris's own character [[Rosechu]] is based off [[Amy Rose]], another character from the Sonic the Hedgehog series, and one who is only twelve years old in canon.<ref>http://sonic.wikia.com/wiki/Amy_Rose</ref>

It's possible Chris only cares about getting his [[china]], and not so much how old it is. Then again, he doesn't ask for girls any older than him on his [[sign]], so clearly he [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|likes 'em young]], so to speak. But this also might be a throwback from his "old-fashioned" rearing, which demands that the woman must be younger.

==Bestiality==
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris in [[IRC (27 December 2008)]]}}

Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a furry is still debated, with people arguing that he doesn't participate in the furry community, and probably only draws furry porn because he is a creature of habit and is more used to drawing furry porn than human porn. There have been [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|some]] [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|exceptions]], but nearly all Rule 34s he has drawn depict some furry creatures having sex. Chris has also used his hedgehog fursona while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref>CWC Cums for a Cat</ref> In the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. He most likely doesn't know what a furry is.

Another possible theory is, since Chris seems unable to mention the basic terms describing sexual action (see "china," "duck," etc.), the use of fursonas allows him to present sexual material in a cartoony, rather than realistic, fashion.

In his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against bestiality, then hoists himself with his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form. Technically, this isn't bestiality. They're animals having sex with each other, not humans having sex with animals. Chris, however, is a man masturbating while drawing pictures of animals having sex with each other. That ain't normal.

Chris has also suggested that Brian from [[Family Guy]] be paired up with a 'any sexy breed' of dog.<ref>[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Family_Guy#Story_of_the_CWC_Episode_for_.22Family_Guy.22 Family Guy Article on the CWCipedia]</ref>

==Prostitution==
{{quote|"In my sarch[sic] on Craigslist, the ONLY women who left a phone number on their Ad were under "Adult Services", which they would have wanted money. I tried calling one, learned she wanted a hundred, then in the middle of telling my story about Jack and my PSN account recovery with a Sex video, she hung up on me. :("|Chris, wasting a prostitute's time}}

While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked PlayStation Network accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, [[Brian Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a Virgin with Rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].

==Chris and rape==
{{Quote|I would appreciate it if I was FULLY UNDERSTOOD as the Noble Gentleman that I am.|Chris, a man who groped a [[Kacey|woman]] the first time he met her.}}

As Chris's sexual frustrations continue to build and build, some observers have raised the unsettling question of whether he might try to force himself on a woman. The possibility does seem real - his relationship with [[Megan Schroeder]] provides many examples of his [[Autism|inability to understand]] the importance of respecting physical boundaries and the simple fact that "no means no."

Thanks to his characteristic lack of empathy, Chris has almost no grasp on how emotional and physical intimacies develop in the real world. [[Anime]] and porn have taught him all the wrong lessons — he assumes that sex is something that just happens, and usually sooner rather than later. He quite literally believes the joke statement, "rape is how they say 'hello' in Japan". Being a retard, he assumes that not only is that true, but that it applies to Western culture as well. He took it as a given that Megan would put out if he won the [[PaRappa the Rapper]] contest and took her to [[Wikipedia:Seattle|Seattle]]. In his conversations with [[Vivian Gee]], he professed a belief that sex automatically happens after the [[third date]]. During his feud with [[CChanSonichuCWC]], he seemed to think that he’d be able to get some if he lured his rival's girlfriend [[Kacey]] to his house, and never mind that she'd probably be able to tell the difference between Chris and her ''real'' boyfriend. This is him again believing that everyone is as stupid and terrible with faces as he is.

Whether Chris understands rape as a concept is up for debate. He claims that he knows what rape is, but at the very least, his self-absorption and lack of empathy mean that he doesn't understand the gravity of rape, or its long-term consequences for the victim. It is possible that the only reason he knows anything about rape is through porn, where it isn't portrayed as bad, and the girl always ends up enjoying it in the end.

As stated above, Chris has claimed that in his ideal world, homosexuals would be ''"taken in and reprogrammed with multiple upon multiple pleasurable moments with female prison inmates and prosts[itutes]"''and that ''"prisons will no longer be divided between gender."'' It is unknown if Chris would obtain permission from the women before putting them to work "reprogramming" gay men, but the fact that he specifies prison inmates seems to imply that he doesn't expect the women to cooperate willingly. He also fails to realise that "reprogramming" homosexuals by forcing them to have sex with women constitutes rape. The fact that he believes prisons being co-ed would reduce the incidence of homosexuality shows that he is, on some level, aware that homosexual sex and rape occurs in prison, but he doesn't specify whether integration would allow men and women to have consensual relations or just shift the rape from male on male to male on female.

When [[IRC_(21_January_2009)|confronted with the news]] that his sweetheart [[PandaHalo]] had been raped by [[Clyde Cash]] and become pregnant as a result, Chris was easily distracted from the emotional impact of what had happened, and instead focused most of his attention on what kind of domestic arrangements would result, or whether he might have to forgo his trip to Nintendo of America headquarters in order to pay for an abortion. His first reaction was to tell her that he wouldn't blame her or "hold it against [her]". Any woman assumes as long as her mate isn't a misogynistic asshole that he wouldn't blame her, and being "reassured" of such isn't exactly comforting or helpful. Chris was even willing to accept the mind-boggling possibility that Panda might want to live with Clyde, and raise her child alongside him.

While [[IRC (23 July 2009)|pretending to be a troll]] in an IRC conversation, Chris suggested twice that the trolls should instigate him to rape [[Rocky]]. Whether Chris actually wants to rape Rocky and then use the trolls as a convenient scapegoat ("They made me do it!"), or whether he is particularly awful at bluffing, remains a mystery.

In [[Sonichu 10]], Chris reveals that he had traveled forward in time and, aside from finding the cure for homosexuality, he also meets his [[Lovely Weather|future wife]]. Mistaking Chris for his future self, his wife invites him home for some sexing. Chris seems to think that there's nothing wrong with having sex with a woman if she thinks you're someone else. Chris falls back on the old standby, "if she didn't say no, it's not rape." Like his stance on [[Women's Rights]], where he maintains he's not a chauvinist because he'd never physically abuse a woman, Chris fails to realize that there's more to it than that.

In his video [[IPods Down and Listen Up]], Chis "sings" about sexual assault with him as the "star" rapist. The lyrics describe the victim as a "[[Niggos|sleek, sexy panther]]" whom he fails to ambush as she flees. Then [[Sonichu's Edge|he chases her]], wears her out and, in his own words, ''"...You take it like a gal (gal), and then we pump (pump-pump, pump) ..."'' until impregnation.

In the face all these foreboding implications, however, it helps to keep a few practical facts in mind. Chris is a [[Chris and health|physically decrepit]] coward with an incredibly low threshold of pain. If he ever attempted to assault a woman, he probably wouldn’t get very far. For the sake of all involved, anyway, let's hope so. This is assuming that he doesn't squash her first with his [[obesity|massive girth]], in which case, there would be a problem.

== TL;DR ==
Chris is about as straight as his [[duck]].

==See also==
*[[Homos]]
*[[Women's rights]]
*[[Semen]]
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Chris and his ego]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Sandy Rosechu

2010-03-05T20:26:48Z

Kettle5000:

[[Image:SandyRosechu.jpg|thumb|D'aww! She's just so cute before violently ripping [[Evan]] to shreds with her bare hands!]]

{{quote|Yay! This soft sand is fun! [[Pedofork|Thank you, daddy!]]|Sandy, ''[[Sonichu 10]]''}}

'''Sandy Rosechu''' is the bastard daughter of [[Simonla Rosechu]] and [[Wild Sonichu]], with many of the same design elements, making her [[Simonla Rosechu#Development|yet another kludge of a certain Chu]]. For whatever reason, she is able to harbor a desire for revenge and ninja-skills at a very young age, but she still has no discernible personality traits from the other [[Rosechu (species)|Mary Sues]] (assuming that they have any).

==Sonichu 10==
[[File:SandyKiller.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]

In [[February 2010]] Chris finally caved to [[Evan#Effort_to_remove_Simonla_from_Sonichu|pressure from Evan]], and agreed to kill off Simonla. He fleshed out the original [[:File:SchuComic11P81.jpg|death page]] to reveal that [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]] and Simonla had managed to shit out an egg together. It should be noted that Wild and Simonla were, as far as we know, never married, so Sandy is a bastard child. Moments later, Simonla is fatally wounded in a toilet explosion, and Wild sits on the egg ruminating about how much he and Simonla were looking forward to being parents, in an attempt to make readers care about [[Sonee & Rosey|the little blessing]]. Shortly after Simonla dies, the abomination hatches and asks where Mommy is. Ever sensitive and tactful, [[Magi-Chan]] promptly tells her that "Evan killed Mommy".

Sandy evolves into a [[rosechu (species)|rosechu]] in less than a week, and has the intelligence of a fourth-grader by the time Evan, Alec, Mao and Sean go to trial for killing Simonla. Naturally, all four are found guilty and are sentenced to be murdered in the most violent and bloody ways imaginable. Wild, responsible father that he is, encourages Sandy to brutally eviscerate Evan. Sandy does so, going as far as to mutilate Evan's genitals, right after displaying serial killer tendencies by taking Evan's glasses as a trophy. The duo round off this wholesome daddy/daughter bonding activity by delivering the killer blow together. If this wasn't fucked up enough, consider that Evan is technically, by the standards of the [[Chris and Reality|CWCiverse]], Sandy's grandfather.

===Prime taradox?===
[[Image:Lisa.jpg|thumb|A super intelligent girl with spiked hair?]]

[[Magi-chan]] clearly states that Evan and his murderous kin will be tried [[Chris and the law|and executed]] within the week. This accompanies a drawing of Sandy's obligatory [[rosey]] form, stating her age, bizarrely, as >1 years old. Plausible, if not logical. Then, Chris later depicts the evolved Sandy, at and age of <1 years old. Rationally, the executions would've been held months ago. Yet somehow, this evolved form is able to participate in the of the slaughter [[Asperpedia]] crew, leading to a few possibilities:

*The executions were postponed until Sandy was old enough to [[Chris and death|kill.]]
*There were several appeals made by Sean, probably regarding [[Tobacky|pot stickers]].
*Chris is retarded.

==Outside the comics==
{{quote|Sandy is pretty awesome, and not Simonla.|Evan's response to Sandy, on his DeviantART account}}

{{quote|She kind of looks exactly like Simonla, but with like Lisa Simpson hair.| Alec's response to Sandy, [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Call_9|9th Phonecall with Chris]]}}

Sandy is basically a giant "Fuck you" to Evan, since she's little more than a smaller version of Simonla with a few cosmetic changes and an epic THIRST! FOR! BLOOD! Chris even goes into detail that Sandy is basically filling every single role Simonla did, becoming a construction worker, hanging out with [[Zapina]] and basically every single thing Simonla has ever been seen doing (which, fortunately, was very little).

Nonetheless, despite the negative reception of Simonla, fans seem to have welcomed Sandy Rosechu into the series. Her popularity resulted in [[:Category:Sandy|fan art]] and even [[Fan:Capering_Berries|her own comic]] within days of her first appearance. This might be because she is one of the only characters with any sort of personality or depth. Time will tell if this characterization stands, however.

==Future==
It remains to be seen if Sandy will be a recurring or regular character, or if she will get sent to the [[Moon|Motherfucking Moon]], but if she becomes a recurrent character, Chris will find a way to pair her up with a sonee or a [[pedofork|sonichu]]. With Chris' recent announcement that he will be redrawing the end of Sonichu 10 yet again, her future remains up in the air.<ref>[[Twitter]]</ref>

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]

Talk:Bob Chandler

2010-03-03T21:05:07Z

Kettle5000: /* Congestive heart failure */

==To do==
*<strike>Picture of Bob</strike>
**Bob looks like fucking Jigsaw. Scary. [[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 18:34, 7 February 2010 (UTC)
*Chris's relationship with Bob, in Chris's own words
*add some background to Bob's history. He goes on about himself in the date audio, and he's a pretty interesting guy, like he saw the first plastic Coke bottles shipped off from the assembly line, and he was in the Signal Corps and all sorts of other interesting stuff. We need some of that in here. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:06, 26 March 2009 (CET)

(Quick question - whats the date audio? Thanks!)
*...the audio of Chris's date with [[Emily]]. As seen available on the [[The Miscreants]] website. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 21:31, 17 April 2009 (CEST)

Should I mention he just got sent to the hospital in the health section with congestive heart failure? [[Shawths|Shawths]]

==Great job!==

Seriously, this article is terrific now. I'm surprised how far it's come. Good work to all those involved. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 10:11, 11 June 2009 (CEST)

: Still need more on video games and raising Chris. The section on Chris should be the biggest in this article. Will wait for others to finish transcribing because I can't make out Bob's quiet voice in church & Emily. [[User:Axe|Axe]] 10:24, 11 June 2009 (CEST)

== Bob's birthday ==

Why did everyone think it was Feb. 9th instead of Sept. 4? Does Chris not know when his father's birthday is? [[User:Sauerkraut131|Sauerkraut131]] 04:41, 27 June 2009 (CEST)
*No, it's just hard to tell from the Family Tree poster since it's in microscopic print. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:27, 27 June 2009 (CEST)

==Radio Station Gig==
According to some of the recordings via Yahoo Messenger, didn't Bob worked at a radio station at one time? [[User:Decoy Octillery|Decoy Octillery]] 21:01, 5 August 2009 (CEST)

==i suck==

Hi, first time editor, long time lurker. I called CWC's house today, hoping to talk to him, but I got Bob instead. Those other people exaggerated about Bob's bravado in their callfail video, Bob isn't much of an opponent if you don't let him get a word in, he just seems to stammer a lot. Of note, he recognized my Texas area code (432) and said he was from Texas, and that he knew some KKK people who he said he would send over to my house if I didn't stop calling. Unfortunately it's lost to time because I can't record from my cellphone and maintain a decent quality. I called him in the morning, when he woke up I honestly thought it was Chris. Anyways, I suck at this shit, I'm gonna just lurk and wtach from now on. I don't have what it takes to be a troll. Thanks for the interesting page, and sorry I don't have any audio to give you guys. [[User:ColossalFail|ColossalFail]] 19:35, 28 November 2009 (CET)

==Hey... ==

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIoS-gPOA0k]

My friend sent me this video earlier today. It has to do with someone prank calling Bob to get more info out of him involving his current life. Is there anything in it we could possibly use for this article? --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]] 16:41, 20 February 2010 (EST)

==Congestive heart failure==
{{protip|[[CWCki:NOTAFORUM|CWCki is not a forum]]. Discussion regarding the accuracy of these tweets are reasonable, but trolling plans in regards have no place on PVCC.}}
Damn. We all knew this was coming eventually, but still.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 02:31, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

: We haven't confirmed it was actually Chris yet--I'm personally at 60-40 Chris, the writing style seems off(the Random Capitalization is unusual) but his posting pattern makes sense. Chris only seems to use Twitter when the CWCipedia has dicks on it and I doubt that he's checked recently.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 03:02, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:*The Twitter is his, he's written in the [[CWC Blog]] about it. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 02:51, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:** I don't see it on the CWCipedia updates.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 03:02, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:***It would explain his lack of presence for the last few days.
: Huh, I don't see that tweet on [http://twitter.com/CWCSonichu his Twitter account]. Did he delete it, or am I just missing it somehow? --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' [[Image:Madotsuki.png]] 04:55, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:* No, it's there. It starts with "Captain's Log Stardate March 1st"--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 05:13, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:** Oh, now I see it. Thanks! *[[slow-in-the-mind]]* --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' [[Image:Madotsuki.png]] 17:51, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
I don't want to live in a Cwcville without Bob. If he dies, I'll kill myself.
''

I'm going to kill myself if Bob Chandler dies
I'm going to kill myself if he makes me cry
I'll slit my wrists or I'll cut my throat
but I'll kill myself, I'll kill myself, by bleeding on his doorstep.''

[[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 05:50, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

:My grandma died due to congestive heart failure. It isn't a pretty sight. -PeaceCeapPea

:I just heard the news. Dammit, Bob is awesome, I'm praying he doesn't kick it! PLEASE DON'T DIE, BOB! :'( [[User:ToyoWolf|Kimo]] 06:57, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

Just to be clear, CHF doesn't necessarily mean heart attack/failure/imminent death. What it means is that the heart is weakened and is having trouble pumping enough blood to the rest of the body. A lot of overweight and older people develop CHF and don't kick off immediately because of it, and it is treatable. So Bob may live to chop down more internets yet. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 07:20, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

He spent 2 tweets discussing how his dad has a serious health issue, then six talking about himself and Sonichu. -- [[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 07:46, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:*I know, right? What the fuck? That's pretty low. I know Chris has [[Mumble 1|implied]] that he doesn't love Bob, but I'd expect more than that. People always joke about Bob dying, but I wouldn't like that at all. He is the only sliver of awesome left in Chris's life. - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 11:20, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
::*The thing is, people think that without Bob, we'd get more interesting results from Chris. Bob kept Chris from going to Redmond. Bob is more or less the reason why Chris won't travel anywhere for a troll. Anyways, I think the concern is that Bob has a long history of heart problems already and given his age, he's taken quite a beating and it wouldn't be unreasonable to suspect that this might do him in. Not that I pray for the death of Bob, mind you, only that this is the rationale of people focusing on Bob's death and why people aren't exactly optimistic. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:27, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:*I wouldn't expected anything else from him. What about "I am putting ''Sonichu'' on hold because my father is at the hospital"? That wouldn't have been a novelty. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 14:08, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

I think we should all do something nice for Lumberjack. Make his life a little easier. We should call in and wish him good health. How much better will he feel knowing that he is more loved than his internet famous son? He'd perk up right away. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 16:18, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:* He appreciated [[4 September 2009|Vivian's card]], that's probably a good idea. A picnic hamper perhaps? Some kind of gift package with food and/or nice shit. Chris won't go to that trouble; someone should.- [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 16:33, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
::*If someone sets up a paypal, I'd chip in 10 bucks. He's the internet lumberjack, after all.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 17:34, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:::*I agree, that would be cool. [[User:Lynxr|–Ich bin schwul, '''Lynxr'''. Ich bin schwul.–]] 19:03, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
::*I plan on sending flowers by myself in the next few days. Some kind of "Get Well" bouquet. The man deserves it. He went through a lot and, even if he could had done better with Chris, he deserves a break. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 21:19, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
*I've started a /cwc/ thread on this here: http://legi0n.789chan.org/cwc/res/24043.html - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 18:54, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

I really hope Bob pulls through for Chris's sake. I really hate Chris but I know what it's like to lose one's father, and that's not something I'd wish upon anybody else. --[[User:Dann Woolf|Dann Woolf]] 16:44, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
*Yeah, seriously. I hope Bob gets well soon.--[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 19:17, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
** Same here. Out of the Chandlers, Bob is easily the most likeable.....which isn't exactly that difficult seeing the rest of the Chandlers, but still.. --[[User:Torvalr|Torvalr]] 19:31, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

Hey, all the colossal dicks are gone from the Cwcipedia. A mark of respect? --[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 21:08, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
*Sadly, it looks like it. Chris do not deserve any respect. CWCipedia should be a ground for Cock-Parades 24/7/365 [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 21:19, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
**Dude, his dad could be fucking ''dying''. I think it's a nice gesture - that's why I mentioned it.--[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 22:31, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
***I never saw Chris acting with compassion towards someone before, I don't see why we should indulge in Moral-Faggotery because of Bob's issues. As much as I respect the Old Man, He's not the jerk we all love to hate. This is why I strongly believe that the ads must be put back in place. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 23:25, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
::*Chris's 'stress' probably gets passed onto Bob. When Bob is in stable condition, there's no way Chris will be able to put his needs ahead of his own. He'll be getting all cunty about the trolling that he's receiving and not helping Bob's situaition at all. I say lay off and go with [[User:Edward|Edward's]] idea. Well wishes and get well soon ads for Bob. So what if Chris gets smug. Smug Chris is positive happy Chris, it's the closest he gets to that emotion. We can put up with that while his dad's in hospital, right? - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 00:27, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
**Seconded. /Scruffy --[[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 00:30, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
**Chris wouldn't give a fuck if his father died. He hates him. If he hasn't empaphized with anyone else, then why the father he hates so much? He'll fake sadness, pretend he cares, but he'll still consider fucking Patti the worst loss of his life. And going easy on Chris is no help for Bob, that just means that in possibly his last days with his father he'll be all smug about his victory over the gay ads. If anything they should put up a get well message for Bob using the adspace. I'm going to mention that to the Asperpedia crew next time i'm over there. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 22:42, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
***Agreed. Look at the Quote of the Now. He mentions that his dad is in the hospital and would be there for a few days, but he had a LOOOONG stressful day. He wants us to feel sorry for him for the day, not his dad. It would be the greatest wake up call when he does pass away.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 23:23, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
****Chris being selfish? that's old news. If bob dies, it's ovbiously he would become chris's new excuse " i can't do << insert anything>> because my dad died" for a while, he'll forget about him and continue to be the jerk we know. Id bob dies he will be free from the torments of chris, bob has been trough too many shit thanks to Chris, bob deserves to finally rest in peace. [[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 23:46, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
*****Actually, what would happen if Bob died? Presumably the family, not just Bob are living off his pension and social security. Even if they own the house completely, however much Barbra is bringing in plus $450 from Chris' board may not be enough to pay all their costs (bills, food, etc). --[[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 00:15, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
****** I wouldn't doubt that the accumulative total of both Chris' and Bab's welfare would be enough to sustain them- provided Chris stopped buying junk he never uses and stops eating at McDonald's. But it seems to me from the Twitter alone that Chris doesn't consider this emergency to be significant- it's like he skimmed across the issue as a lead-up to his retarded comic's scheduling, which in turn lead into "Rule 18" (which I can only assume is Chris' mistaken discovery of Rule 34). If he took the situation seriously at all, he'd either be pouring more emotion into it, or be absent altogether. --[[User:Spoonman|Spoonman]] 00:44, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
******* Well Chris claims to have gotten his pack rat nature from his parents. So there's the possibility that if Bob goes, they'll spend themselves into nothing. --[[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 01:05, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
-
• One thought- has anyone contacted [[Cole]] yet? I'm in Australia or I would myself. I know Chris doesn't gave a flying fuck and [[Snorlax]] almost certainly doesn't either. He should know I think. --Ronichu
* I think most of the family probably know by now (I would hope so anyway) but Cole has said in the past that he would celebrate when Bob "finally drops". Unless Cole is willing to make peace I say let him stay in the dark on this one, or leave it to the Chandlers to tell him. This is all too soon, I'm not ready for Bob to die yet... I just hope he dies comfortable, not at home and not surrounded by his family. [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 01:40, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
**Yeah, when bob dies, i hope he doesn't has to see his failure son's face. [[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 02:52, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
**Agreed on letting the Chandlers tell Cole, if for no other reason than he might not believe some random troll from the Internet. --[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 21:05, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

Okay, I really need to ask this- where was it picked up that Bob had a 10% chance of survival? If it was in the linked article, I didn't see it.--[[User:Spoonman|Spoonman]] 09:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
*I am asking myself the same question; where this came from? [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 11:09, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
** It doesn't, I think the person who wrote that must have seen the bit which says that it has an annual mortality rate of 10% and misunderstood it. He statistically has a 90% chance of surviving another year (provided he is suffering from the normal progressive form of the disease). I've changed the article to reflect this. [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 11:29, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

*If Bob does kick it (may he rest in peace if he does), what odds do you give on Chris going to a funny farm in the next 5 years? --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 19:00, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:*Unless if the state of Virginia got no cheaper option. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 19:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

I try to send flowers to Bob but the FTD website ask for a phone number. Anyone got a clue what Chris's phone is? [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 19:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

He tells us himself in the opening few seconds of [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2vGKa-k2Us this video]. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:14, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
*How about <s>Chris' credit card number</s> the hospital we should send them to? --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 19:17, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
*Chris's credit card number is 2984 8579 9562 3765. That number is fake by the way in case anyone missed the joke. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:24, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:*thanks for the info. I forgot about this video. I rand FTD with a nice card and a Pink Lily Bouquet. Bob will receive them tomorrow.[[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 20:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
***Assuming Snorlax doesn't eat them first. --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 20:08, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:*Do we know that Bob will get them? Knowing Chris, he'll assume that they are for him and make a youtube video thanking his secret admirer for sending him flowers. I hope that you made sure to put down in bold capitals that its for Bob, and even then its only a slim chance that he'll consider the idea that they're not for him. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 20:14, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
::*But pink is such a faggy color. --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 20:53, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

*I kinda want Bob to die (Don't look at me like i am a monster) because I want the vicarious thrill of watching 14 Branchland Court implode without his common sense. --[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 20:44, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

Evan

2010-03-03T20:58:11Z

Kettle5000: /* Evan in the Comics */

[[Image:Detailsonichurule34.png|thumb|90px|right|One of Evan's first Sonichu art.]]

Rewind to [[2007]]: [[Sonichu]] was found on the Cartoons image board at [[4chan]]. It soon made its way over to Video Games. On November 3rd, a "fan art" (read: dickgirls) thread for Sonichu was made at /v/ and someone suggested that someone there should do the honors of sending him the e-mails. Thinking it to be a good idea at the time, [[Evan]] collected the best images from the thread and a pornographic MS Paint comic he himself drew (pornographic MS Paint comics being his <s>disgusting</s> hilarious specialty to this very day) and sent it to [[Chris]]'s AOL e-mail account.

The [[Masturbating and squirtin'|reply]] he got shocked a nation.

The line "masturbating and squirtin'" was the first sign of Chris's more perverse side, and most hilarious of all was the angry drawing of Chris and Sonichu made just for his response, with the words "We're Keeping Track." The [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page was initially made solely to house the responses Evan had been getting and the fan art he had been sending. Eventually Chris threatened to create Evan in ''[[Soul Calibur]] III'' and beat him up much like he had [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and Evan sent him a drawing of himself just so he could create such a video. However, he never replied and largely forgot these e-mails even happened.

==After the e-mails==

Afterwards he remained in on the Sonichu scene for some time. After initially drawing up fan art in MS Paint of the Ghostbusters car from the preview of [[Sonichu 8]], the image was actually used in the comic when it was officially released. Evan was oddly credited by his Encyclopedia Dramatica account name, implying that Chris got the image from ED. However, if he had any sense, he would've realized the same account was used to post those HATEFUL and SLANDEROUS e-mails that ruined his life.

[[Image:Simonchu by Evang y.png|thumb|150px|right|The awful fancharacter that eventually became [[Simonla|worse]]]]

Ironically, in spite of directly confessing multiple times that he was responsible for the Encyclopedia Dramatica articles due to the e-mails he had sent, Chris still blames [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] to this day.

Eventually he thought it'd be funny to try and get a fan character into Sonichu, creating "Simonchu" due to his at-the-time addiction to ''Tengen Toppa Gurren-Lagann''. This totally backfired on him as Chris turned it into [[mass debating|mass debate]] material, making Simonchu into the character [[Simonla]].

==Effort to remove Simonla from ''Sonichu''==

For some time, Evan attempted to get Simonla Rosechu removed from the comics, stating anger at Simonla being given a china (which is sort of ironic considering that he gave Rosechu a pickle, but Chris isn't clever enough for that). Christian decided he would include Simonchu in [[Sonichu 9|Episode 20]] after reading these e-mails, which would have lead to TWO shitty recolors running around instead of one less as intended--if Chris had actually included Simonchu.

[[Image:GDChandler.png|thumb|left|A recent image from the Simonchu comics.]]

In [[Mailbag 21]], Chris had mentioned to a fan that Evan allowed him to edit Simochu in Simonla. Soon after, Evan sent an [[Mailbag 22|e-mail]] to Chris on the CWCipedia, calling BS on comment, only to be ignored. Evan sent a [[Mailbag 26|second e-mail]], demanding that, as his character, Simonla be killed off on-screen. Evan got a response, blankly informing him that Simonla was essentially HIS character now, since he decided she would date Wild.

Evan persisted in his actions to remove Simonla from the comic, his e-mails to the mailbag either being answered bluntly or being entirely ignored. Chris insisted on what he called "The Brother/Sister Plan", stating he would install Simonchu into the comics as Simonla's brother. However, Evan protested this, not wanting TWO bastardizations of his character running around. The situation culminated in an [[Mailbag 43#...Well,_this_is_disturbing!|email originally sent to enlighten Chris on the use of IP addresses]]. As a sidenote, Evan asked Chris to remove Simonla once more; Chris promptly retorted with a long-winded and completely bizarre statement:

{{quote|YOUR Simonchu came to Cwcville while I was holding a Town Meeting, came up to Simonla (Simonchu's Sister) while The True Wild Sonichu was with Her. Simonchu told Simonla that you wanted her back home as quickly as possible. Simonla REFUSED Heavily; She is Very Happy in Cwcville, VA, rather than the c***-shack known as "Ecgville"...

...Later, Simonchu reports to you that she refuses to return to you, and you realize that with MY G.D.C. Powers, you have to let it be and move on in peace in real life. I am the Great Director Chandler!|Chris, [[Chris and reality|completely losing his grip on reality.]]}}

Ironically, earlier that day Chris uploaded an image to CWCipedia encouraging support for aid to the 2010 Haiti earthquake disaster, depicting Simonchu and Simonla working together to build a table. The construction of this table was so monumental that the two placed a plaque in front of it stating [[Chris and reality|"Rebuilt by the Brother/Sister Team of Simonla and Simonchu"]].

Unwilling to let him continue to use Simonchu as well as his "sister", Evan sent [[Mailbag 44#I want to see Simonla die so very badly|Chris another email]], warning him that it would be his last chance to remove both characters from the Haiti image and the comics. Chris states that, despite all her relatively obvious similarities to Simonchu, that Simonla is a "SEPARATE, INDIVIDUAL CHARACTER", and that Evan should stop [[stress|stressing out]] about it. Chris also claims that, although the character is based on Simonchu, the fact that he ''could'' have come up with her on his own basically amounts to her being an original character. Later, Chris would attempt to call a "retraction" and erase all evidence of Simonla ever being inspired by Simonchu, hoping that this would provide an easy escape to the problem. Of course, it didn't.

On [[I am Alive|6 Feburary 2010]], Chris reveals that he was finally doing away with Simonla and removing her entry from the CWCipedia. However, this didn't please Evan, especially when Chris said he'd do it "later". In response, his lawyers had the CWCipedia slapped with a cease and desist notice to fully remove the character, forcing the Sysop to close the CWCipedia to edits. This resulted in Evan [[9 February 2010|destroying the undestroyable]].

On the 14th of February 2010, Evan released 2 pages from ''Sonichu 11'', which he had recieved from Chris. The first page is essentially a written form of his apology videos to Alec and Evan, whilst the second page involves Simonla finally being killed, by way of an exploding toilet. Whilst this conforms to Alec's wishes, Chris as usual refuses to admit total defeat, and implies Wild is out for "revenge".

==Now==

Evan has been working on ''Simonchu'', a comic series describing the adventures of Simonchu as Evan intended. It is hosted on the [[Asperpedia]], due to Evan entrusting the rights of Simonchu to Alec Benson Leary. Whether Chris' mysterious G.D.C. powers have taken their effect on Evan's free will remains to be seen.

After Chris finally killed off Simonla, Evan put the Simonchu comic on hold. Evan's stance on the possibility of more Simonchu comics is so far ambiguous. While he stills wants to continue the story at some point in the future, he has retreated from the trolling scene for the time being.

==Evan in the Comics==
[[File:Evan responds to his death.png|thumb|Evan calls Chris out on death by genital mutilation.]]
Evan made his first and last appearance in [[Sonichu 10]]. Attempting to drop something on Simonla to kill her, he's stopped by [[Magi-Chan]] before he can. However, Alec ends up doing so, planting Toilet Exploding Voltorb in the toilet and killing Simonla. Evan is put in prison along with Alec, Sean and Mao (Sean and Mao having done nothing to them) and given a biased show trial that predictably gets them sentenced to death. Evan is killed by Wild and his new child, [[Sandy Rosechu]].

==External links==
*[http://encyclopediadramatica.com/User:Evan1203 Evan's ED account]
*[http://evang-y.deviantart.com/ Evan's DeviantArt account]
*[http://simonchucomics.deviantart.com/ Evan's alternative DA account and the home of the comic about the adventures of the TRUE and ORIGINAL Simonchu. (On hold)]
*[http://4chanarchive.org/brchive/dspl_thread.php5?thread_id=7631380&x=sonichu 4chanarchive link of the Sonichu fanart thread]. Later down the thread posters begin conspiring to send the posted images to him, and a shot of the fateful e-mail that started this enormous mess can be seen.
*[http://4chanarchive.org/brchive/dspl_thread.php5?thread_id=7656940&x=sonichu+response The thread made to unveil Chris's response.] This would be the first contact between Chris and his SLANDEROUS troll enemies. Evan was banned from /v/ for a week because of this thread, for "conspiring invasion". If they only knew.

{{trolls}}
{{people}}
[[Category:People]][[Category:Trolls]]

Evan

2010-03-03T20:52:39Z

Kettle5000: Edited for English

[[Image:Detailsonichurule34.png|thumb|90px|right|One of Evan's first Sonichu art.]]

Rewind to [[2007]]: [[Sonichu]] was found on the Cartoons image board at [[4chan]]. It soon made its way over to Video Games. On November 3rd, a "fan art" (read: dickgirls) thread for Sonichu was made at /v/ and someone suggested that someone there should do the honors of sending him the e-mails. Thinking it to be a good idea at the time, [[Evan]] collected the best images from the thread and a pornographic MS Paint comic he himself drew (pornographic MS Paint comics being his <s>disgusting</s> hilarious specialty to this very day) and sent it to [[Chris]]'s AOL e-mail account.

The [[Masturbating and squirtin'|reply]] he got shocked a nation.

The line "masturbating and squirtin'" was the first sign of Chris's more perverse side, and most hilarious of all was the angry drawing of Chris and Sonichu made just for his response, with the words "We're Keeping Track." The [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page was initially made solely to house the responses Evan had been getting and the fan art he had been sending. Eventually Chris threatened to create Evan in ''[[Soul Calibur]] III'' and beat him up much like he had [[Mary Lee Walsh]], and Evan sent him a drawing of himself just so he could create such a video. However, he never replied and largely forgot these e-mails even happened.

==After the e-mails==

Afterwards he remained in on the Sonichu scene for some time. After initially drawing up fan art in MS Paint of the Ghostbusters car from the preview of [[Sonichu 8]], the image was actually used in the comic when it was officially released. Evan was oddly credited by his Encyclopedia Dramatica account name, implying that Chris got the image from ED. However, if he had any sense, he would've realized the same account was used to post those HATEFUL and SLANDEROUS e-mails that ruined his life.

[[Image:Simonchu by Evang y.png|thumb|150px|right|The awful fancharacter that eventually became [[Simonla|worse]]]]

Ironically, in spite of directly confessing multiple times that he was responsible for the Encyclopedia Dramatica articles due to the e-mails he had sent, Chris still blames [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] to this day.

Eventually he thought it'd be funny to try and get a fan character into Sonichu, creating "Simonchu" due to his at-the-time addiction to ''Tengen Toppa Gurren-Lagann''. This totally backfired on him as Chris turned it into [[mass debating|mass debate]] material, making Simonchu into the character [[Simonla]].

==Effort to remove Simonla from ''Sonichu''==

For some time, Evan attempted to get Simonla Rosechu removed from the comics, stating anger at Simonla being given a china (which is sort of ironic considering that he gave Rosechu a pickle, but Chris isn't clever enough for that). Christian decided he would include Simonchu in [[Sonichu 9|Episode 20]] after reading these e-mails, which would have lead to TWO shitty recolors running around instead of one less as intended--if Chris had actually included Simonchu.

[[Image:GDChandler.png|thumb|left|A recent image from the Simonchu comics.]]

In [[Mailbag 21]], Chris had mentioned to a fan that Evan allowed him to edit Simochu in Simonla. Soon after, Evan sent an [[Mailbag 22|e-mail]] to Chris on the CWCipedia, calling BS on comment, only to be ignored. Evan sent a [[Mailbag 26|second e-mail]], demanding that, as his character, Simonla be killed off on-screen. Evan got a response, blankly informing him that Simonla was essentially HIS character now, since he decided she would date Wild.

Evan persisted in his actions to remove Simonla from the comic, his e-mails to the mailbag either being answered bluntly or being entirely ignored. Chris insisted on what he called "The Brother/Sister Plan", stating he would install Simonchu into the comics as Simonla's brother. However, Evan protested this, not wanting TWO bastardizations of his character running around. The situation culminated in an [[Mailbag 43#...Well,_this_is_disturbing!|email originally sent to enlighten Chris on the use of IP addresses]]. As a sidenote, Evan asked Chris to remove Simonla once more; Chris promptly retorted with a long-winded and completely bizarre statement:

{{quote|YOUR Simonchu came to Cwcville while I was holding a Town Meeting, came up to Simonla (Simonchu's Sister) while The True Wild Sonichu was with Her. Simonchu told Simonla that you wanted her back home as quickly as possible. Simonla REFUSED Heavily; She is Very Happy in Cwcville, VA, rather than the c***-shack known as "Ecgville"...

...Later, Simonchu reports to you that she refuses to return to you, and you realize that with MY G.D.C. Powers, you have to let it be and move on in peace in real life. I am the Great Director Chandler!|Chris, [[Chris and reality|completely losing his grip on reality.]]}}

Ironically, earlier that day Chris uploaded an image to CWCipedia encouraging support for aid to the 2010 Haiti earthquake disaster, depicting Simonchu and Simonla working together to build a table. The construction of this table was so monumental that the two placed a plaque in front of it stating [[Chris and reality|"Rebuilt by the Brother/Sister Team of Simonla and Simonchu"]].

Unwilling to let him continue to use Simonchu as well as his "sister", Evan sent [[Mailbag 44#I want to see Simonla die so very badly|Chris another email]], warning him that it would be his last chance to remove both characters from the Haiti image and the comics. Chris states that, despite all her relatively obvious similarities to Simonchu, that Simonla is a "SEPARATE, INDIVIDUAL CHARACTER", and that Evan should stop [[stress|stressing out]] about it. Chris also claims that, although the character is based on Simonchu, the fact that he ''could'' have come up with her on his own basically amounts to her being an original character. Later, Chris would attempt to call a "retraction" and erase all evidence of Simonla ever being inspired by Simonchu, hoping that this would provide an easy escape to the problem. Of course, it didn't.

On [[I am Alive|6 Feburary 2010]], Chris reveals that he was finally doing away with Simonla and removing her entry from the CWCipedia. However, this didn't please Evan, especially when Chris said he'd do it "later". In response, his lawyers had the CWCipedia slapped with a cease and desist notice to fully remove the character, forcing the Sysop to close the CWCipedia to edits. This resulted in Evan [[9 February 2010|destroying the undestroyable]].

On the 14th of February 2010, Evan released 2 pages from ''Sonichu 11'', which he had recieved from Chris. The first page is essentially a written form of his apology videos to Alec and Evan, whilst the second page involves Simonla finally being killed, by way of an exploding toilet. Whilst this conforms to Alec's wishes, Chris as usual refuses to admit total defeat, and implies Wild is out for "revenge".

==Now==

Evan has been working on ''Simonchu'', a comic series describing the adventures of Simonchu as Evan intended. It is hosted on the [[Asperpedia]], due to Evan entrusting the rights of Simonchu to Alec Benson Leary. Whether Chris' mysterious G.D.C. powers have taken their effect on Evan's free will remains to be seen.

After Chris finally killed off Simonla, Evan put the Simonchu comic on hold. Evan's stance on the possibility of more Simonchu comics is so far ambiguous. While he stills wants to continue the story at some point in the future, he has retreated from the trolling scene for the time being.

==Evan in the Comics==
[[File:Evan responds to his death.png|thumb|Evan calls Chris out on death by genital mutilation.]]
Evan made his first and last appearance in [[Sonichu 10]]. Attempting to drop something on Simonla to kill her, he's stopped by [[Magi-Chan]] before he can. However, Alec ends up doing so, planting Toilet Exploding Voltorb in the toilet and killing Simonla. Evan is put in prison along with Alec, Sean and Mao (Sean and Mao having done nothing to them) and put on a show trial that easily gets them sentenced to death. Evan is killed by Wild and his new child, [[Sandy Rosechu]].

==External links==
*[http://encyclopediadramatica.com/User:Evan1203 Evan's ED account]
*[http://evang-y.deviantart.com/ Evan's DeviantArt account]
*[http://simonchucomics.deviantart.com/ Evan's alternative DA account and the home of the comic about the adventures of the TRUE and ORIGINAL Simonchu. (On hold)]
*[http://4chanarchive.org/brchive/dspl_thread.php5?thread_id=7631380&x=sonichu 4chanarchive link of the Sonichu fanart thread]. Later down the thread posters begin conspiring to send the posted images to him, and a shot of the fateful e-mail that started this enormous mess can be seen.
*[http://4chanarchive.org/brchive/dspl_thread.php5?thread_id=7656940&x=sonichu+response The thread made to unveil Chris's response.] This would be the first contact between Chris and his SLANDEROUS troll enemies. Evan was banned from /v/ for a week because of this thread, for "conspiring invasion". If they only knew.

{{trolls}}
{{people}}
[[Category:People]][[Category:Trolls]]

Talk:Bob Chandler

2010-03-02T22:31:36Z

Kettle5000: /* Congestive heart failure */

Talk:Bob Chandler

2010-03-02T21:08:10Z

Kettle5000: /* Congestive heart failure */

Sonichu 10

2010-03-02T19:23:55Z

Kettle5000: Edited for grammar

[[Image:Issue 10 Cover.jpg|thumb|Finalized issue cover, from [[July 2009]].]]

'''''Sonichu 10''''' is the eleventh issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]]. Chris submitted the first page to the [[CWCipedia]] on 8 [[December 2009]], shortly after finishing [[Sonichu 9|issue 9]]. The final pages were uploaded on 24 [[February 2010]], also [[Christian Love Day|Chris's birthday]].

==Background==
Throughout the early fall of 2008, the idea of obtaining and destroying Chris's [[Medallion of Fail]] had captured the imaginations of [[trolls]] across the world. Ultimately, a group of trolls posing as Chris's sweetheart [[Blanca]], convinced Chris to send her the Medallion.

For a time, it was unclear what had happened. Chris would attempt to set the record straight in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|09 October 2008 video]], where he confirmed that he had sent the Medallion to Blanca, and that trolls briefly intercepted it. However, Chris would go on to insist that Blanca herself was not a troll, and that she somehow retrieved the Medallion and returned it to Chris unharmed. In fact, Chris had simply constructed a new Medallion, claiming to have upgraded the original to explain its differences from the first. He also began to show off his [[High School Ring]] implying its greater importance.

To further spin the theft of the Medallion, Chris drew a special Sonichu comic meant to be an excerpt from issue #10. This was uploaded circa 14 October 2008. In it, Chris fictionalizes the trolls attempts to steal his Medallion, and emphasizes the Medallion's safety and Blanca's loyalty to him. Additionally, Chris retcons the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], establishing that the Medallion's powers actually come from the Amnyfest High School Ring.

===Continuity===
At the time, Chris had not yet completed the second half of [[Sonichu 8|Sonichu #8]], and indeed would not complete that issue until 1 January 2009. Most likely, Chris's rationale for skipping ahead was that he wanted to acknowledge the Medallion incident in his comics, but needed to have himself appear in the story to do this. As Chris's character has been marooned in the "[[time void]]" since the end of [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]], and not scheduled to return until after #8, Chris's only solution was to flash forward in the storyline, to a point where he had returned to Earth and was able to confront the trolls personally.

Ironically, far more has transpired in Chris's life than he could have possibly imagined. Even as Chris struggled to begin [[Sonichu 9|Sonichu #9]], Blanca had long since been revealed as a troll, and Chris has subsequently been romanced and heart-shattered by several other trolls. By the time Sonichu #10 had officially begun, the theft of the Medallion and Blanca's role in the incident were ancient history. In fact, the comic version of Blanca had been abruptly written out of the story two issues ago, and Chris's comic counterpart was already seeing his future wife, ensuring that the "trusted sweetheart Blanca" line makes absolutely no sense without any knowledge of the events leading up to the preview pages.

Furthermore, Chris promised at the end of Sonichu #9 that he would remove himself from the comics and that he'd focus solely on [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]. By the end of Episode 21, however, he remains in the comic.

===Cover art===
[[Image:SonichuCover10.jpg|thumb|**The Cover Art for Comic #10 was Wisely Picked by myself, C.W.C., and Generously Contrubed by Sonichu Fan, PandaHalo.**]]

Despite his continued support of Blanca, Chris was also embroiled in an online relationship with [[PandaHalo]], and he used her fan-art of Chris-Chan Sonichu as the cover of #10.

==Episode 21: Christian Chandler in Director Amenities==

===Curing Da [[Homos]]===

The comic begins by recapping [[Wild]] and [[Magi-Chan]]'s effort to rescue Chris from the [[Time Void]]. However there is a bit more dialogue than the the [[Sonichu 9]] version, including Chris stating that he now has a new future wife named [[Lovely Weather]]. Chris then goes on to reveal that he [[Kacey Call|tricked his future wife into thinking he was his future self]], and then [[rape|fucked his future wife]] while his future self was at work.

He proceeds to textwall again, revealing that, in the future, scientists have almost discovered the cure for [[homos]]exuality, but require pure, heterosexual blood to complete the formula. Chris volunteers for this procedure, apparently because there are no 100% heterosexuals 6 years in the future. Keep in mind that Chris himself still exists at this time, yet it seems they can't use Future Chris's blood for [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|some reason]]. After receiving the cure and finding out it worked, he grabbed two of the syringes, planning to use one to turn [[Reldnahc]] back into Naitsirhc, whose one completely random true love, [[Kel]] is worried sick about. [[Homos|The gate of the other syringe is never seen.]]

He then entrusts Magi-Chan with one of the <s>Sonichu Balls</s> Chaotic Crystals and a mission: go back to 2015, grab one of the crates containing the cure and return to the present with them, putting them with their stockpiles of today (thus causing a time paradox and, even worse, restoring his virginity!) Using the boosted Magi-Chan, he psychically calls out to a number of people to begin the mission of correcting the hundreds of plot holes: He calls out to Allison Amber and [[BILLY MAYS]], who somehow survived [[Sonichu 9]], to load up [[Son-Chu]] with his [[PS3]], [[Guitar Hero]] and his plastic instruments and head for the 4-Cent Garbage HQ; he then tells [[Patti-chan]] that Sonichu's coming to pick up the other five Chaotic Crystals and to move the still-trapped [[Crystal]] over to his office near his desk; he tells Sonichu to get said Crystals and meet him at [[4chan|4-Cent Garbage]]'s HQ by 2:30; and finally, he tells [[Blake]] and [[Punchy]] to also head for the HQ. Chris also lets Wild play in his [[Chris and reality|imaginary band]]. With everything set up, Chris transforms in Chris-Chan Sonichu and we're at where we left off from [[Sonichu 9]], sort of.

===Rage Against the Garbage 2: Electric Boogaloo===

[[Image:DevilTrolls.JPG|thumb|left|Devil trolls, in all their disgusting glory.]]

Chris, before killing his enemies, makes a stop a building where he keeps all his Sonichu-related gear (a large, not-so-subtle sign notes the building is somehow hosted by Tripod, one Chris's original webspace providers). He enters to find his stuff safe and sound; until the Devil [[Trolls]] emerge, resembling winged, evil Troll dolls. Chris goes on the attack, swatting many of them away. The troll's flesh-colored tails look suspiciously like [[pickle|penises]], especially when Chris [[homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|grabs one by the tail]], sending a pleasurable wave of electricity through the creature, causing its tail to become stiff and erect.

Chris manages to defeat all the devil trolls and proceeds to go on a lengthy, pointless rant/ad for the videogame "Fairytale Fights." He then explains, [[fail|as best he can]], the ESRB rating system, such as "M" being for "Moof" and how one shouldn't "be a Moof or aloof" and "keep it "E" or "T" for your children". He clarifies that, even though he wants others to stick to E or T-rated games, he admits that he has played and enjoyed ''[[Brutal Legend]]'', though it's not clear whether he now considers himself a Moof, or perhaps even aloof. He than proceeds to teleport his useless Sonichu-related crap into his Mayoral office. After that, he creates a Lightning Bomb, performs <s>Chaos</s> Chaotic Control to teleport away from the building , erects a barrier around the building '''and fucking blows it up!''' Chris then claims that Tripod didn't have good security and had no support for Flash programs. A message in Japanese characters listed as a "controversial statement!" is seen to the right.

Chris, after "burning the Tripod bridge", proceeds to do a set of tasks, including setting up his fated first date with Lovely, whose revealed to be a busty, brown-haired girl, preparing up everything for the [[CWCipedia]] before talking to his Board of Directors, whom he literally towers over before heading on to Tennessee. [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] rapidly advances on the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building in Clarksville, Tennessee. Observing Chris on an HD-TV hooked up to a [[Hex Bawx]], the evil [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] prepares to spring a trap for the autistic furfag.

Apropos of nothing, a large sign hanging from the monitor informs the reader that Chris endorses Blu-Ray discs, apparently unaware that the HD format war ended prior to this comic's creation. Chris also includes a plug for ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' ([[gay|yay!]]), delivered by the game's mascot, Sackboy. Sackboy commands the readers to purchase the game and play Chris's Sonichu level, even if they have to buy a PS3 to do so. He further warns gamers against using illegal copies of ''LittleBigPlanet'' for [[Nintendo|Wii]] or Xbox360, as if these even existed. Chris arrives at the front door to the building and waits for [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] to arrive with Chris's Autobot, Son-Chu, his PS3, and his ''Guitar Hero'' [[guitar]]. Somehow convinced all this shit will help him wage war against the building, Chris waits patiently, which makes you wonder why he bothered showing up early in the first place.

Inside, Jason uses an illegal Xbox copy of ''LittleBigPlanet'' to create a cage over Chris, and drops it on his head. Chris-Chan attempts to spin-dash his way out with his Sonichu powers, but the cage is too strong. With Chris-Chan's hedgehog speed neutralized, Jason's lackey, [[Beel]] uses a red tractor beam of some kind to target Chris's transformation spot, reverting him to his human form of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. This causes his [[Medallion]] to re-materialize, and Beel's beam drags it away from Chris's body and into his waiting hand. Beel absorbs the Medallion into his hand, but feels no increase in his own power. Inside the cage, Chris notices his [[High School Ring]] sparking with energy. Sprouting [[fangs]] of confidence, Chris puts on his [[glasses]] and aims his ring at Beel, teleporting the Sonichu Medallion to his trusted [[Sweetheart]], [[Blanca]] (which is hilarious, especially after the additions). Chris explains that his high school ring was the source of his powers all along, and he uses it to transform back into Chris-Chan Sonichu. With a Hyper Beam attack, he blasts through the cage, blowing Beel into the 4-cent_garbage building.

The final page of the preview shows a photo of [[Jimmy Hill]], who is also struck by the Hyper Beam. His teeth are destroyed in the attack, and [[Bugs Bunny]] appears to scold him. Sonichu makes his lone appearance to shake his clenched fist and growl '''"Jimmy!!"''' Also, a hedgehog or something says "Dinsdale", which probably causes [[Monty Python]] fags to cream their jeans or something. Chris closes with a warning not to buy any merchandise from Jimmy Hill.

=== Comic Chris banishes his sexual insecurity===

While waiting for the rest to show up, Chris-Chan Sonichu meditates, not knowing that [[Naitsirhc]] is sneaking up behind him, planning to smack him with a plank. Chris-Chan suddenly develops Newtype abilities, senses the attack and blocks it. Naitsirhc decides that it's time to end everything and plans to turn Christian evil and [[homo|gay]]. Christian, on the other hand, says the reverse, that it's the end of evil and homosexuality. The two [[sonichus]] fight it out until the two of them conveniently hit each other in their weak spots, and both are flung to the pavement. Naitsirhc manages to get up and prepare a finishing move, as Chris surreptitiously prepares a hypodermic needle while feigning unconsciousness. Naitsirhc asks Chris if he has any last words. Chris, pretending to be a badass, says "Only three words..."

He then rises up and with great fury stabs Naitsirhc, not in the heart, but straight in his Black Sonichu Medallion. With a big "NOOOOO!", Naitsirhc transforms back into the totally straight Reldnahc Giovanni, while Chris says the [[lies|completely non-homoerotic]] phrase, '''"Drink My [[semen|Blood!]]"''' As he teleports Reldnahc to [[Kel]]'s waiting bedside, he laments that Naitsirhc never [[Sonichu 6|never wore a shirt]], but is glad the evil homo is gone. He also comments that Kel is looking very nice these days, but he never actually draws her into the strip because she's a [[women's rights|lowly woman]] and he has to save screentime for [[Chris and his ego|himself]] and his army of [[Sonichu (species)|recolors]]. At the same time, Son-Chu, Sonichu, Blake and Wild arrive. As they set up their ''Guitar Hero'' gear, Sonichu notices something on Chris's guitar - the [[PaRappa the Rapper]] cap. Sonichu puts it on and turns 2D. When Chris grabs his guitar, his [[Amnyfest Ring|ring]] reacts, turning back to his real life self to talk about laundry and [[lie]] about a [[sweetheart|relationship]] he doesn't get then quickly dismiss it. Another Son-Chu transformation (its page ''reused'' from Episode 20), and it seems that Chris has gathered the [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|Hedgehog Boys]] to rock out... and Chris's legs seem to deform at the knees as well. The next page is a doctored picture of Chris because he's too lazy to draw anything else at the moment. Chris looks particularly bored in this picture, really distracting from the intended drama of the moment.

[[Image:ClydeJackGay.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction of Clyde and Jack's final moments.]]

===POWER RANGERS FUCK YEAH===

The song they start to play is [[Power Rangers|"Revive Zordon"]], a particularly horrible song to the tune of "Cat Scratch Fever" extolling the superiority of the original Power Rangers over the later iterations. As Chris [[fail|rocks out]], Beel, evidently alive, [[Clyde Cash]], making his first official appearance in the comics, and [[Jack Thaddeus]], also making his first appearance, warn [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] that the building can't take this kind of rock and say they must escape. Jason tells the three that, yes, he is escaping and retiring to a two-story house in the suburbs. He, then, tells them that he's STRAIGHT and that he doesn't want to be involved in the slandering and mockery anymore. As he escapes, Beel decides to abandon those two for being homosexual and for slandering and mocking an innocent man. With no choice left, and in perhaps the only remotely touching moment in ''Sonichu'', Jack and Clyde hold hands like true heroes as they express their deep remorse for slandering Chris and making [[homos]] look even worse than they already are, before leaping down the 72 story elevator shaft as Chris and the crew proceed with their plan to murder every single living thing in the building. For someone who has dealt with [[Ivy|suicide]] personally, Chris is awfully supportive of it as a means of eliminating his greatest enemies without getting his hands dirty.

As the building fell, it is said that there were about 1500 [[trolls|people]] in the building during the collapse. Those closest to the ground got out scot-free. 250 trolls got out safely when Chris and his crew went to save them. 250 other trolls were too [[alcohol|drunk]] to get out. Of those 125 trolls were either injured or dead, along with another 125 sober. Of the remaining 500, 250 were safe, 150 injured and 100 dead. [[fail|Note that although Chris states that there were 1500 people in the building, this only adds up to 1375.]] A memorial would be put up in the ruins and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and 4-Cent Garbage would lose its data and "never return", despite the fact that they probably' had back ups. [[Twin Falling Towers|This is not the first time one of Chris's anti-troll diatribes has twisted the imagery of a collapsing building that killed hundreds of people to his own selfish purposes.]]

[[Image:NoMoreHomos.jpg|thumb|left|Depiction of Mayor Chandler's success in ''poisoning'' the city's water supply. Wait, what?]]

Ignoring this little bit to put the spotlight back on him, Chris laments on how those there wasted their talents for trolling, comparing them to ''[[Wikipedia:TMZ|TMZ]]''. It quickly goes into a non sequitur, where it shows cameras focusing on [[Women's rights|Rosechu on the toilet inserting a tampon]], [[Rosechu]] and Sonichu in the middle of some bondage deal and filming Robbie talking about [[Random-access humor|how he pissed on a lizard]]. Before it goes any further, Magi-Chan returns from screwing with the timestream and [[Mailbag 31|being Big Brother]]. Upon returning, Magi-Chan declares that testing on the vaccine is a success and that he brought the crates to the present and are sending them across on trucks. It is said that one Feburary 24th, 2009, homosexuality will be eradicated and the day will be called [[Chris and his Ego|"Christian Love Day"]]. He also says that Silvana will eventually be returned to a TRUE and [[HONEST]] female from [[GodJesus]] and [[Fail|fall in love with Magi-Chan]].

===Chris trolls himself again===

All of a sudden, [[Family Guy|Meg Griffin]] shows up and says that she's a [[fail|fan of the comic series]]. As they talk, a guy walks up and taunts Meg, calling her a 'sir' - which is common for Meg. Chris stands up for her and the guy insults Chris instead. Chris flips his lid and [[Chris and anger|sucker punches the guy]]. Meg thanks him by kissing Chris, cheating on his future wife AGAIN. As they leave, it's revealed that Meg was actually [[Silvana]] in disguise, commenting on how easy it was to troll him. Yes, Chris did just depict himself making out with someone who has a penis, why do you ask?

===Ultra Sonichu and [[Collosal Chan]]===

After taking the time to grovel at his fans for the past comic and begging them not to abandon him, he and Sonichu take the Sonichu Ball Crystal things and transform into [[Collosal Chan]] and [[Ultra Sonichu]]. After transforming, Chris decides to go back to CWCVille, but tells Ultra Sonichu to head for RuleCWC with Darkbind Sonichu before heading for [[Asperchu|Minnesota]] and wait for him. Back in CWCVille, Chris enters the [[Dark Mirror Hole]] and rescues Crystal from the mirror with all the fanfare of picking up a bag of groceries. As Crystal comes to, Allison says that she's called the paramedics to look after her. For some reason Crystal refers to Christian as "Christopher", though it's not clear if this is meant to be some kind of sign between the siblings, or if Chris just forgot about his [[The Bear|name change]].

Meanwhile in RuleCWC, Darkbind Sonichu is kneeling by Zelina Rosechu when Ultra Sonichu arrives, striking the same pose as Jesus Christ on the Cross. In "Da Cave", a stone breaks open and someone, possibly Clawdorf, realizes the Chaotic Crystals freed him, then asks how long he was out. That's right, the act of Chris and Sonichu activating their super forms allows a vaguely defined evil force to escape imprisonment. It's not like Chris and Sonichu ''needed'' to transform, either. The greatest threat to CWCville at the moment is Chris himself as he [[Twin Falling Towers|destroys various buildings]] with the power of [[fail|rock]]. Sonichu uses his power to revive Zelina, who acts like the rest of the vapid rosechus over what Darkbind did for her. This rescue complete, Ultra Sonichu races out, but not before he "coles" the window hatch.

[[Image:DBNT2G_police.jpg|thumb|right|Chris could have picked ''Mass Effect 2'' when lusting after a dating game. Instead, he consciously chose ''this.'' Not entirely unforeseen!]]

In Minnesota, Collosal Chan and Ultra Sonichu hover over the house of Alec Benson Leary, and break in. Discovering Alec's computer (which is revealed to be a [[Hex_bawx|HEX BAWX]] "Pavillion"; note Chris's computer is an [[Wikipedia:HP Pavilion (computer)|HP Pavillion]]), Chris [[Chris and sex|inserts his finger]] into a USB port, then concentrates and rips off ''Shadow the Hedgehog'' by placing himself inside the computer. Once inside, Chris proceeds to delete all files within the [[Asperpedia]], ban Mao, Sean, [[Evan]] and Alec, the delete their accounts. He, then, steals a "better dating simulator" (likely [http://news.vgchartz.com/news.php?id=6182 "Don't Be Nervous Talking to Girls"]) with the retarded intention to modify it for PS3 use, as though XBox owners don't deserve a shitty dating simulator, before he escapes, planting another Lightning Bomb to blow up the HEX BAWX. While Chris was doing this, Ultra Sonichu enters Alec's room, commenting on the [[Chris and art|bad art]] from the Asperchu series. While the art in Asperchu is hardly professional grade, at the very least it shows some understanding of perspective, proportion, and pacing. If anything it looks like a moderately skilled artist who just happens to be drawing very quickly, whereas Sonichu looks like it's drawn by a [[Christian Weston Chandler|retarded child]].

While investigating the dirty room, Ultra Sonichu overhears people talking and, upon leaving, discovers Asperchu and his variation of the Chaotic Combo, whom are tired of his world's mall. Upon seeing him, the Sonichu and Rosechu start going off into a nearly god-like praise for the [[Honest Content|TRUE and HONEST]] Sonichu. The malformed beasts then proceed to tell Ultra Sonichu how Alec infected them all with Asperger's and pushed homosexuality on them and that they had real names before Alec gave them the names of the Chaotic Combo. Ultra Sonichu then uses his powers to cure them of Asperger's, transforming them into Michael, Bobby, Kitty, Trisha, Whisp and Swift (all of whom will never appear again). Asperchu then turns into a muscle-bound Sonichu known as Mitch. As thanks, Sonichu tells them not to listen to Alec and his group and just live free. As he does, Chris blows up the HEX BAWX.

At this point the group literally [[Chris and his ego|bows down before Chris]] and Sonichu, before Chris politely informs them that he's not God; simply a representative of God. Metal Asperchu then shows up and assaults the group. Chris creates a barrier, though he doesn't bother to use his nigh-omnipotence to destroy the enemy or send him to the [[The Moon|goddamn moon]] and instead forces the non-chaotic Combo to combine their powers to defeat the creature. With that out of the way, they thank Chris again for being so awesome, then spot Asperchu creator Alec Benson Leary off-screen, and go to [[death threats|physically assault him]]. Chris has never seen an actual picture of Alec, and so he is never depicted. Alec apparently had a group of rosechus locked in his basement, and Chris nonchalantly decides to go ahead and use his powers to rescue them as well.

Page 65 is a wall of text so mindbogglingly long and retarded that Chris has to cut his way out from the previous page (or something) to cram a picture. The tl;dr of it is an attempt to once again retcon everything his characters have done in anyone else's comics, reaffirming their sexuality, sweethearts, occupations, and rebuking any characterizations that say otherwise, in an attempt to absolutely distinguish that his Sonichu is unrelated to Asperchu in any way. He finishes by stating that his characters will never go to Minnesota, nor interact with any Mitch/Asperchu unless he says so.

Impatient, Ultra Sonichu asks Great Director Chris if they can continue with the story.

Back in Cwcville, the Chaotic Combo and others sit at a table talking about why they hate the Asperpedia comics so much. This includes insulting the art, the mischaracterizations, and intellectual property rights. [[Simonla]] specifically denounces [[Evan]] (who has been trying to convince Chris to remove her from the comic via the [[Mailbag]] for weeks), who retconned her as a female clone of [[Simonchu]] in his own comic. [[Allison Amber]] speaks poorly of [[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals]], but can't seem to offer any specific complaints about the series. Crystal asks the group to calm down and wait for Chris to return, so that he can tell the president, and have Asperpedia taken down. Magi-chan ominously hints that Chris's will has to be done, lest the Cwcville, and possibly the world, fall into total chaos and anarchy. For some reason, Thomas Jefferson's house was used as an example of the structural damage that would be incurred.

Finally, Ultra Sonichu and the 4 unnamed Rosechu's supposedly from [[Chris|Alec's]] basement arrive in one of CWCville's many [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story|soup hotel]]s. Sonichu rambles on about the concept of a soup hotel while the dirty and emaciated rosechus just stare on despondently. [[Basement Rosechus|The rosechus]], named Brit-tay, Bride, Moe and Mary, decide to live their lives <s>as vapid airheads who do nothing but simper over sonichus</s> the way they should. Ultra Sonichu helps Mary into a wheelchair and flies off. As he leaves, he runs into [[Inos]], a very high [[niggo]], obviously another satisfied customer of [[Yawning Squirtle]]. He offers Ultra Sonichu some weed, but he declines. The guy tells Sonichu he's been fighting a cold for five years and Sonichu thinks it's because of the nicotine (yes, folks. The man's high and Chris thinks it's because of tobacky!). He has Magi-Chan summon [[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|some cops]] to slap him on the wrist for smoking, put him in the soup house and put his stash in the NASA rocket set for [[the Moon]], where [[Fan: Moon-Pals|certain people will know how to use it better]]. Flying to the highest point of CWCVille, Ultra Sonichu uses Chaotic Control to free every [[Jerkop]] in the city.

===The Final Countdown===

Meanwhile, Collosal Chan confronts [[Slaweel Ryam]] in the [[PVCC]]. There, Slaweel tells her sob story about how she was an outcast, how she tried to cause others the same misfortune as some means for Chris to justify the running plot thread of Mary Lee Walsh and her Jerkops had been somehow trying to stop TRUE and HONEST love and keep VIRGINIA for VIRGINS. [[Count Graduon]] had told her he could help her, but that obviously [[fail]]ed. Slaweel gives Chris Graduon's wand and tells him to smash it, her boobs apparently inflating to the levels of [[Mary Lee Walsh#Fan art|troll fan art]] as she does. Chris looks at it like an idiot and does so without a second thought. With that, Chris goes into a spiel in which he complains about how he's never had any luck with trying to find someone himself and how he cursed the male population for it. He creates [[Things Chris has ripped off|electric versions of Kratos's blades]] before declaring that he will kill Slaweel and never forgive her. The two start fighting and, of course, Chris gets the upper hand, reflecting Slaweel's attacks back at her before deftly defeating her. Because Chris is so paranoid about people getting the "wrong" impression about him, he clarifies that Mary is only paralyzed, and not outright killed.

[[File:Simonlas Death WIP.jpg|thumb|If Chris had the talent, he would've drawn this.]]

With Slaweel defeated, Chris goes on to make a public announcement, mentioning that Slaweel has been put in a maximum security prison, with her ex-manajerks being released free of charges. He also goes on to allow homosexuality in CWCVille, but makes marriage illegal. He appoints Crystal head of social relations to try to make things better. As he talks, admitting [[Asperchu|Alec]] had a bigger fan base, [[Simonla]] goes to the bathroom, leaving [[Wild]] to tend to their egg. ''Deus Ex Machina'' that he is, Magi-Chan stops [[Evan]] and [[Simonchu]] from killing Simonla, but isn't able to stop Alec from planting Toilet Exploding Voltorb, which detonates and hits Simonla while she's taking a piss. The police and medics race to deal with the aftermath, with Magi-Chan handing Evan and Simonchu over to the police. As Wild tends to Simonla, she gives him her "lucky shark's tooth" (aka the drill pendant Chris stole from Evan's Simoncu design, which itself was taken from Simon the driller from Gurren Lagann). As Wild worries and everyone tries to save Simonla, things go downhill and Simonla dies. Wild is told the bad news by [[Bill the Scientist]] and plans to get revenge on Simonla's killers, only to be stopped by Magi-Chan, since the killers had all conveniently already been arrested. At that time, Simonla's egg hatches, and the first thing the Rosey asks is "Where's Mommy?" Magi-Chan, insensitive fuck that he is, tells her point blank Evan killed her. Over the week, Wild tends to the little Rosey, who quickly evolves into [[Sandy Rosechu]]. Some explanation is given for Sandy's training and home life, including a mention that she is taught English (even though she is shown to be perfectly capable of speaking full sentences at the exact moment of her birth).

===Forgiveness...?===

The sequence of events is interspersed with Chris delivering an [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Call_6|apology]] to Alec and Evan and bestowing a Forgiveness Blessing on Mao. Both are completely undermined by the events of the next several pages, proving yet again that Chris [[Chris_and_remorse#Motivation_to_apologize|views an apology purely as a way to get people off his back]].

Time then jumps ahead to the trial of CWCVille versus Alec, Sean, Evan and Mao. Presided by Judge Slack Lewis (who seems to be based on comedian Lewis Black), he calls for attorney [[Harvey Birdman|Marvey]] [[Pokemon|Blaziken]] to make the opening statements. Although the four are ostensibly on trial for the murder of Simonla, <s>Chris</s> Marvey makes sure to tack on a long list of charges related to the existence of the Asperpedia, such as plagiarism, mockery, [[Chris_and_hypocrisy#.22Don.27t_be_a_moof_or_aloof.22_.E2.80.94_Mature_content|gory pages]], and all that fucking swearing. Sean, acting as defense lawyer, makes an opening statement while high. The judge asks for order in the court and Sean orders [[fail|a beer float and pot stickers]]. All four enter a plea of not guilty and are summarily convicted based on the existence of their respective comics, the remote control for the deadly Voltorb, and Magi-Chan's mind-reading abilities. They're then sentenced to be [[Chris_and_hypocrisy#.22I_would_have_them_ESS-acuted.21.22_.E2.80.94_Capital_Punishment|executed]] by those they hurt.

[[File:SandyKiller.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction of Sandy's mental state.]]
Alec is first, put on the Ten-Button Electric Chair. Each button is pressed by Chris or one of the hedgehogs, each one dwelling on how they were portrayed in Asperchu - meaning Alec is '''flash-fried''' for daring to write a comic. Evan is chained to a wall and '''drilled to bits by the infant Sandy''', who keeps his glasses as a trophy (nothing fucked up there). '''Sean is shot to death by Allison, Bill and Kellie''' and finally Chris '''[[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD |breaks Mao]] with his psychic powers''', making this the bloodiest comic ever, despite Chris stating just ''pages'' earlier that the rampant gore in the Asperpedia was practically criminal.

Right after killing four people and involving a toddler in the execution, Chris goes on a rant about his egotistical holiday, [[Christian Love Day]], and rips off Independence Day. The comic ends with a page dedicating the book to [[PandaHalo]] and includes her original fanart and a page from her comic.

==="Extras"===

As a super [[Autism|special]] bonus for his readers sitting through the weeks long wait for updates, Chris uploaded "Marvey Blaziken, Attorney at Law" a picture featuring the blatant rip-off of...[[Harvey Birdman|you can guess exactly who.]] Demonstrating that he has learned absolutely nothing from [[Alec Benson Leary calls| his talks with Alec]], Chris essentially tells his [[True and Loyal Fanbase]] to fuck off and let his "inspiration" come naturally, a process that can take [[Sonichu 8| months.]] Interestingly, and unsurprisingly, the page is just a recycled book page with added text.

==Reaction==

===Preview===
As Chris became increasingly determined to convince the public that his Medallion had never been successfully stolen, the trolls posing as Blanca responded with photos and videos to support their claims. Finally, the medallion was destroyed on a video uploaded to [[YouTube]] on 20 October 2008.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-TP2wCucZo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-TP2wCucZo]</ref>

===Simonla's Death===
On 13 Feburary 2010, Chris e-mailed [[Evan]], revealing two pages that were slated to appear in Sonichu 10. In these pages, Chris (who obviously is NOT pulling himself out of the comic) admits that [[Asperchu]] is not as bad as it seems, and begs for forgiveness from Evan and the rest. As he speaks, [[Simonla]] asks [[Wild]] to hold her bags while she goes to the bathroom. In the bathroom, the toilet she's in explodes. Simonla has just enough time to tearfully hand Wild her <s>special drill bit</s> lucky shark's tooth before [[Bill the Scientist|Bill the <s>Scientist</s>Doctor]] tells Wild that she died. (In the explosion scene, only the bathroom door is shown, and Simonla's death is not actually shown on page. This directly contradicts the instructions Evan repeatedly gave Chris, where Simonla was supposed to die on page.) Wild mourns for one panel before Magi-Chan reveals the location of her murderer, and Wild declares revenge.

The preview was the end result of an ongoing tug of war between Chris and Evan over the use of Simonla Rosechu. Evan had wanted Simonla pulled out of the comics ASAP, but Chris, being [[Ego|Chris]], refused. When Evan told Chris to kill Simonla, Chris refused, stating that it [[Chris and reality|would upset Wild Sonichu]]<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>. This war of words would culminate in Evan getting the CWCipedia shut down, forcing Chris to either swallow his pride or start hunting down a new web server. Chris, lazy fuck that he is, chose the former for the benefit of mankind.

On 25 February 2010, Chris revised those pages, revealing without a doubt that it was Evan, Sean, Mao and Alec who killed Simonla. The Asperpedia Four responded by giving control of the CWCipedia ads back to [[Jack Thaddeus]], who proceeded immediately to renew his campaign to flood Chris's website with [[homo]] [[pickles]]. On 1 March 2010, Chris announced via his [[Twitter]] account that he would be re-revising the end of Sonichu 10 in order to make peace with Alec and company - probably in the hope that doing so will result in Jack removing his dreadfully pornographic ads.

==See also==
*[[Blanca]]
*[[Medallion of Fail]]
*[[Amnyfest Ring]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_1 Sonichu #10]
*[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic10Preview.htm Sonichu #10 Preview]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgLZjhsmgpY Audiobook (erroneously referred to as a preview of #9)]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/Ickeriss69 Youtube profile containing three videos proving the fate of the original Sonichu Medallions] 

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

Talk:Bob Chandler

2010-03-02T19:17:02Z

Kettle5000: /* Congestive heart failure */

Sandy Rosechu

2010-03-02T18:42:46Z

Kettle5000: Gave "Capering Berries" a mention

[[Image:SandyRosechu.jpg|thumb|D'aww! She's just so cute before violently ripping [[Evan]] to shreds with her bare hands!]]

{{quote|Yay! This soft sand is fun! [[Pedofork|Thank you, daddy!]]|Sandy, ''[[Sonichu 10]]''}}

'''Sandy Rosechu''' is the daughter of [[Simonla Rosechu]], with many of the same design elements, making her [[Simonla Rosechu#Development|yet another kludge of a certain Chu]]. For whatever reason, she is able to harbor a desire for revenge and ninja-skills at a very young age, but she still has no discernible personality traits from the other [[Rosechu (species)|Mary Sues]] (assuming that they have any).

==Sonichu 10==
[[File:SandyKiller.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction.]]

In [[February 2010]] Chris finally caved to [[Evan#Effort_to_remove_Simonla_from_Sonichu|pressure from Evan]], and agreed to kill off Simonla. He fleshed out the original [[:File:SchuComic11P81.jpg|death page]] to reveal that [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]] and Simonla had managed to shit out an egg together. It should be noted that Wild and Simonla were, as far as we know, never married, so Sandy is a bastard child. Moments later, Simonla is fatally wounded in a toilet explosion, and Wild sits on the egg ruminating about how much he and Simonla were looking forward to being parents, in an attempt to make readers care about [[Sonee & Rosey|the little blessing]]. Shortly after Simonla dies, the abomination hatches and asks where Mommy is. Ever sensitive and tactful, [[Magi-Chan]] promptly tells her that "Evan killed Mommy".

Sandy evolves into a [[rosechu (species)|rosechu]] in less than a week, and has the intelligence of a fourth-grader by the time Evan, Alec, Mao and Sean go to trial for killing Simonla. Naturally, all four are found guilty and are sentenced to be murdered in the most violent and bloody ways imaginable. Wild, responsible father that he is, encourages Sandy to brutally eviscerate Evan. Sandy does so, going as far as to mutilate Evan's genitals, right after displaying serial killer tendencies by taking Evan's glasses as a trophy. The duo round off this wholesome daddy/daughter bonding activity by delivering the killer blow together. If this wasn't fucked up enough, consider that Evan is technically, by the standards of the [[Chris and Reality|CWCiverse]], Sandy's grandfather.

===Prime taradox?===
[[Image:Lisa.jpg|thumb|A super intelligent girl with spiked hair?]]

[[Magi-chan]] clearly states that Evan and his murderous kin will be tried [[Chris and the law|and executed]] within the week. This accompanies a drawing of Sandy's obligatory [[rosey]] form, stating her age, bizarrely, as >1 years old. Plausible, if not logical. Then, Chris later depicts the evolved Sandy, at and age of <1 years old. Rationally, the executions would've been held months ago. Yet somehow, this evolved form is able to participate in the of the slaughter [[Asperpedia]] crew, leading to a few possibilities:

*The executions were postponed until Sandy was old enough to [[Chris and death|kill.]]
*There were several appeals made by Sean, probably regarding [[Tobacky|pot stickers]].
*Chris is retarded.

==Outside the comics==
{{quote|Sandy is pretty awesome, and not Simonla.|Evan's response to Sandy, on his DeviantART account}}

{{quote|She kind of looks exactly like Simonla, but with like Lisa Simpson hair.| Alec's response to Sandy, [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Call_9|9th Phonecall with Chris]]}}

Sandy is basically a giant "Fuck you" to Evan, since she's little more than a smaller version of Simonla with a few cosmetic changes and an epic THIRST! FOR! BLOOD! Chris even goes into detail that Sandy is basically filling every single role Simonla did, becoming a construction worker, hanging out with [[Zapina]] and basically every single thing Simonla has ever been seen doing (which, fortunately, was very little).

Only time will tell if Sandy's existence leads to [[Cwcipedia#CWCipedia_Closed_.28Again.29_Due_To_Theft|another lawsuit]]. Which is obviously going to happen, 110%.

Sandy has her [[Fan:Capering_Berries|very own comic]] on Asperpedia.

==Future==
It remains to be seen if Sandy will be a recurring or regular character, or if she will never be heard from again, but if she becomes a recurrent character, Chris will find a way to pair her up with a sonee or a [[pedofork|sonichu]]. With Chris' recent announcement that he will be redrawing the end of Sonichu 10 yet again, her future remains up in the air.<ref>[[Twitter]]</ref>

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{Sonichu}}

{{stub}}
[[Category:Characters]]

Talk:Bob Chandler

2010-03-02T18:38:49Z

Kettle5000: /* Congestive heart failure */

Template:Da update

2010-02-26T23:29:55Z

Kettle5000:

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>
* 26 February - A [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Call_9|ninth]] phone conversation between Alec and Chris is leaked, and Jack Thaddeus' adverts return to the Cwcipedia.
* 25 February - Chris uploads [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_78 pages 78 to 98 of Sonichu 10], killing off [[Simonla Rosechu]] and Alec, Evan, Sean and Mao in his bloodiest comic yet.
* 24 February - Chris releases a new video, [[Magical Man Potion]], which features a very special guest star. Later, Chris releases [[PS3 Tutorial for my fans|another video]] with his secret mystery guest.
* 24 February - Chris transforms from a 27 year old virgin, into a 28 year old one.
* 23 February - Chris launches Christian Love Day with an [[Christian Love Day (video)|opening video]].
* 18 February - An [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|eighth]] phone conversation between Alec and Chris is leaked.
* 14 February - [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Main_Page CWCipedia] is back to normal, but with adverts for (and a fantastically gory new page from) [[Fan:Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]].
* 13 February - Evan releases [http://www.hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Guest_Comic_By_Christopher_Christian_Ricardo_Weston_Chandler the Simonla death pages].
* 12 February - The [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Main_Page CWCipedia] is brought back from the dead; however, it is currently only a page of Alec's Sonichu Revolution.

('''[[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|more...]]''')

<noinclude>[[Category: Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Sonee & Rosey

2010-02-26T11:43:15Z

Kettle5000: /* Biologee */

[[Image:SchuSoneeRosey.jpg|thumb|A '''sonee''' and a '''rosey'''. Note that Rosey's looking lustfully at Sonee. [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Seriously]].]]
[[Image:SchuComic4Page4.jpg|thumb|The birth of '''Rosey''' [[Bubbles]], sans skirt.]]

'''Sonees''' and '''Rosies''' are the pre-evolutionary forms of [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichus]] and [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]]. Their colors usually correspond to their type. Most [[Electric Hedgehog Pokemon]] in the comic started out as eggs that fell out of a rainbow and hatched as Sonees and Rosies.

Technically, baby versions of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] never could have existed because they were transformed directly from a Pikachu and Raichu, not Pichu, their pre-evolved form. It's also unconfirmed whether or not the ''[[Hanky-panky|miracle of birth]]'' provides Sonichu offspring with their shoes, bows, and skirts shown. None of the Chaotic Combo, or Silvana, correspond to the "Original Sonee and Rosey", but rather to the prismatic range of the [[Rainbow|Chaos Rainbow]]. There's also a continuity in the attire with the "Sonichu/Rosechu" species; "Sonees" are stark-naked with shoes while "Rosies" are wearing dresses. There's might be a link with their [[Homos|sexuality]] but Chris, their grand-father, is [[Mailbag 19|unclear on the subject]].

Although Chris has stated that he finds them cute, most ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' readers reacted in disgust when first confronted with these hideously repulsive creatures, and a large consensus has agreed that they are some of the most aggravating characters, their lack of comprehensible (relatively speaking; most Sonichu dialogue is at least in something that resembles English) speech being a major cause of anger. The appearance by [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children]] in [[A Sonichu Day]] particularly grating example, as Chris gives them some of the most retarded dialogue he has yet given, in a despicably twee voice.

==Sonee==
{{quote|Sonee is the pre-evolved form of Sonichu. He is known to have a lot of [[semen|spunk]] and speed. This cute Pokemon packs a lot of action.|[[:Image:165-ACSoneeBck.jpg|Sonee Animal Crossing card]]}}

The pre-evolved form of [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]]. He has a lot of spunk and speed, and is quite "cute". He is apparently born with shoes on.

==Rosey==
{{quote|Rosey is the pre-evolved form of Rosechu. Her cuteness always gets the awe of her enemies. When she falls, her skirt acts as a parachute.|[[:Image:232-ACRoseyBck.jpg|Rosey Animal Crossing card]]}}

The pre-evolved form of [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]]. According to Chris her so called "cuteness" always gets the awe of her enemies, and when she falls, her skirt act as a parachute. This last feat is physically impossible, but never mind ''that'', because it offers an [[Pedofork|opportunity]] for panty-shots. It is unclear if Rosey is born with her skirt on, or if it is purchased separately. The Rosey form of [[Bubbles]], for instance (see right), was never born with a skirt.

==Biologee==
An examination of the birthdates of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Sonichu and Rosechu's children]] reveals that Rosechus have a gestation period of less than three months. This amount of time would for a normal creature be insufficient for healthy development, which possibly explains why Sonees and Roseys appear [[Christian Weston Chandler|retarded]] and half-[[Yawning Squirtle|baked all the time]].

It is also worth noting that Sonees and Roseys do not wear the white gloves that Sonichu and Rosechu wear at all times; acquiring the gloves is likely a rite-of-passage. Disturbingly, Sonees and Roseys have rounded stumps rather than hands which gives them the appearance of Thalidomide babies. Whether or not Sonichus and Rosechus have hands underneath their white gloves remains a mystery.

There's also the strong possibility that Sonichu and Rosechu's children are not representative of the typical Sonee & Rosey Poke-Type. in [[Sonichu 10]], [[Sandy Rosechu]] went from hatching from an egg to her mature form and the intelectual skills of a fourth grader inside of a single week! [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_86] This leave us to formulate the hypothesis that Sonichu's children are kinda [[retarded|slower than the average]] to evolve in their adult form. Another possibility is that Sandy evolved rapidly because her [[Wild Sonichu|father]] [[Sonichu_10#The_Final_Countdown|lavished attention on her]], while Cera, Christine and Robbie are left with the nanny while their parents are forced to fulfill the wishes of a [[Christian Weston Chandler|deranged tyrant]].

==Galleree==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:164-ACSonee.jpg
Image:165-ACSoneeBck.jpg
Image:166-SoneeCard.jpg
Image:231-ACRosey.jpg
Image:232-ACRoseyBck.jpg
Image:233-RoseyCard.jpg
Image:425-CWCSNHP1.jpg
Image:Demonicrobbie.jpg|[[Audiobooks|GOD DAMN LOOK AT THAT FACE]]
Image:Morechristmasshit.jpg|[[The Creepy Stare]].
</gallery>
</center>
 

==See Also==
{{Fan art}}
*[[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children]]

*[[Sonichu (species)]]
*[[Rosechu (species)]]
*[[Metonic]]
*[[Vamprosa]]
*[[Guro]]
*[[CWC Update 12 August 2009]], in which Chris addresses the former.
*[[Sonichu 3#Episode 10: "Sonichu Babies"|Sonichu 3 Ep.10]], the first episode to feature Sonees and Roseys, to the chagrin of Sonichu [[Trolls|fans]].
*[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]
{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu]]
[[Category:Characters]]

Chris and hypocrisy

2010-02-25T21:04:13Z

Kettle5000: /* "Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content */

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|right|Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of [[The Simpsons]].]]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of pretending to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have. Hypocrisy is thus a kind of lie. Hypocrisy may come from a desire to hide from others actual motives or feelings.

[[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Godjesus|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], or the [[JERKS|entire male sex.]] In the past he's faulted [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkops|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]], although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves the house except for trips to [[Obesity|McDonald's]]. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be [[Sonichu (comic)|forced to actually put effort into anything]]. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==
=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===
In the latter half of 2009, Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a 27-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating high school, [[Chris's resume|has been employed for two months of his entire life]], lives in a room full of toys, plays video games all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is overly dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|US government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late 20s he still wears his high school ring, uses his old high school colors in art projects (and when he wants to portray Native Americans), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18-22 years old, the Sonichus sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. Sonichu and Rosechu were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before Chris retconned their ages so they can legally fuck. Despite this, he created a [[Zapina|14-year-old]] character who attends high school (in a scandalously revealing outfit). At age 27 Chris has dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshmen. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics ''[[Count Graduon]]''.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from creating terrible comics and [[CWCFlyingElephants|debasing himself on the internet]].

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|right|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his life. On his [[Resume|resume]], Chris lists playing Pokémon cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren play Pokémon with little kids all the time. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the hobby store where he played cards.

Much like acclaimed author J.K. Rowling went on welfare for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''Harry Potter'' book (a franchise which went on to make her the richest woman in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising Sonichu (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him a dime). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish Charlottesville residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]], and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw Sonichu. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous]] [[Chris and anger|rage]] in check, [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing [[Niggos|tolerance]] [[JERKS|and]] [[Homos|respect]] for other people, and [[Megan|keeping one's hands off]] women.

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[Monthly tugboat|money]] or [[Gal pals|sympathy]] from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's (high-functioning) autistic. However, Chris [[Myspace|distances himself]] from others with autism, calling them "slow-in-the-minds" and "windows to hell." Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and Health|seriously]] [[Duck|physically]] [[Chris|deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "blacks" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded" and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "that's another story."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic, even though they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of [[Christian's Favorite Hits!]] and nowhere else.

In the mailbags, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and Asperger's syndrome, another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to mow a lawn or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[Little Big Planet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're 18.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|He thinks it's normal for adults to shit their pants from time to time]], and he found nothing strange about [[Recycling#Recycling|jerking off into a cup and chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a YouTube video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll with a picture of his sweetheart taped to the face]] because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra that he wears happily]]. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]]. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's not ashamed of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them any amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's Syndrome. [[Mailbag_7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's Syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[Homos|homosexuality]] and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that no gay person had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack <s>is</s> was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to Megan that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it." Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they [[recycling|do]] behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that gays are an abomination before God. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC_(02_January_2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage."

In the world of Sonichu, the villanous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her trap shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV, or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with [[Recycling|drinking his own semen]], and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the game ''Katamari Damacy'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "I Love the Nightlife," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as Backstreet Boys songs. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie.

'''Chris shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.''' That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective over Sonichu and the whole media franchise he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. People would frown on, but begrudgingly stomach, the idea that a writer who used to write fan fiction would strike it big through original works and then tell people not to create any fan fiction based on ''their'' works - legally appropriate, but it would show that the author has forgotten their roots. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris doesn't have all rights to Sonichu, and hasn't quite graduated to the "original works" club. He makes fan fiction and then whines about fan fiction. Even when the media industry tries their darnedest to demonize copyright infringement as theft and everyone laughs at them as a result, let us just use an appropriate analogy here: ''thieves shouldn't whine when someone steals from them.''

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements, with various bits stolen from a great number of sources. Chris seems to be honest about this, and says that he blatantly steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from|Mailbag 35]]</ref>

However, at the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation of his, and has no problems attempting to dictate how people use this precious creation of his.<ref>[[Down with asperchu]]</ref> In short, he calls other works "fan fiction" and fails to realize that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. He had the gall to say Sonichu is "parodic", but doesn't like creations that he has labelled "parodies" either.

Oh, and just to top it off: he's crying over (nonexistent) unauthorized [[Jimmy Hill|Sonichu merchandise]], and profiting on (godawful) unauthorized [[EBay|Aqua Teen merchandise]].

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===

In the mailbags, Chris describes CWCville as a place where [[Homos|homosexuality]] is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then rounded up and ''fined $500'', money they could have otherwise spent on video games.

Several days later, Chris would use the Sonichu comic to rail against celebrity news website TMZ for invading the privacy of his electric hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and Robbie Sonee describing unnatural acts with a (possibly anthropomorphic) lizard.

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras,]] to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman actually willing to participate]].

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===

It is evident to the readers of Sonichu that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he felt the unique urge to incorporate them in the comic and having his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) literally beating them up.

The main victim of this treatment was Mary Lee Walsh, the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupting Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself in a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. This is not an isolated incident. He gave the same treatment to literally anyone who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes (but is not limited to) a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if the situation was contained in the comic itself. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated ([[Fail|without success]]) into [[To Clyde and Jack|committing suicide]]. In the comic [[Sonichu 10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[China|genitalia]]. The last example is quite disturbing. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with the man known as [[Liquid Chris]], he saw no problem [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|yelling at him]], issuing [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]], and trying to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he introduced the gentleman in the issue [[Sonichu Special 4]] of his comic, where he shot him in the shins for no apparent reason. When the girlfriend, scared for her and her boyfriend's safety, asked him what it was all about, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Strangely, Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Issue_C/Page_29 business end of a flamethrower]. This insulted Chris so much that he felt the need to make a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he calls the attack made on him "horrendous" and vows that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] will avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===

A big example of Chris's hypocrisy are the ridiculously high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders in regards to hypocrisy are;

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|Government Welfare]] yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|overweight lazy slob]], yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]" Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is opposed to the death penalty. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the Cwcipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. That's right, serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10]]. This sequence was incredibly hypocritical, as he sentenced them to death and killed them '''as he listed off all the ways in which he wronged them.'''

==="Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content===

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris is railing heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and thinks that realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> Yet, at the same time, he thought the ''Saw'' movie series was good, ''despite'' of the gruesome deaths featured therein. Even if this is not outright hypocrisy, it's still clear that there's something very ''odd'' going on in here; it's clear that he's enjoyed some mature-rated works, but he's still clinging to teen-rated games at best — there's huge amounts of cognitive dissonance at work here.

Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[Pandahalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|Remember, this is a comic for kids!]]
Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric Chair and firing squad respectively. While these are both highly controversial means of inflicting capital punishment, they both exist in the real world as ways to accomplish something as terrible as ending a human life as quickly as possible, and in that way they are arguably humane.

By contrast, there is nothing humane or even reasonable about the deaths of Evan and Mao. Evan is shackled to a wall, and mutilated for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently stabbed to death by Wild and Sandy. This outright torture included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, screaming in agony, Chris telekinetically blasted a hole in his left shoulder, from which he bled out.

All of the violence in the final pages of Sonichu 10 is particularly egregious when compared to what the ''offenders'' came up with. While Asperchu and [[Asperchu#Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]] feature violence and gore, it's all clearly over the top and meant to be humorous. Chris's depiction of violence comes across as dead serious, and he seems to hate the offenders with the fury of a thousand suns. Also of note is that most of the violent acts in Asperchu are committed by villians, like Metal Asperchu and [[Silvana]]. In Sonichu, these executions were carried out by the ''heroes'', including a [[Bill the Scientist|doctor]], a [[Sandy Rosechu|little girl]], and the [[Chris|mayor]].

Chris not only has difficulties understanding mature content when it comes to violence, but also sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu_is_a_Horrendous_Joke|he'll put tiny stickers over genitalia]]. Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. Yet when it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris takes great pains to censor swear words and scold others for using them. Sonichu 10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime. He'll even censor vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "crap." However, none of this is being done for the children. Chris loves pornography and dislikes when other people swear (note that he swears all the damn time), so that's how his comic is going to be presented.

==Chris on hypocrisy==

{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; an adjective; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for a newer, yet badly drawn, thing, after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans]].|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is vague, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist.

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all Sonic the Hedgehog games regardless of quality, and wear and display Pokémon merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed Sonic and Pokémon when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Chris and hypocrisy

2010-02-25T19:53:09Z

Kettle5000: /* "Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content */

[[Image:Z100 0533.jpg|thumb|right|Above: Chris breaks almost thirty years of proud sobriety due to the influence of [[The Simpsons]].]]

'''Hypocrisy''' is the act of pretending to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have. Hypocrisy is thus a kind of lie. Hypocrisy may come from a desire to hide from others actual motives or feelings.

[[Chris|Christian Weston Chandler]] is an accomplished hypocrite, holding others to standards to which he himself does not live up. This is possibly due to the fact that he's incapable of serious introspection and serious self-examination due to his [[autism]]. Chris believes that he is a blameless, [[Godjesus|holy]] creature that is [[Mary Poppins|practically perfect in every way]]. However, he sees plenty of flaws in the world around him that cause him [[stress]]. He blames all of his problems on external factors like [[trolls]], [[homos]], or the [[JERKS|entire male sex.]] In the past he's faulted [[Manajerks|store managers]] and [[Jerkops|mall security guards]] for complications during his [[Love Quest]], although that's less relevant nowadays as he rarely leaves the house except for trips to [[Obesity|McDonald's]]. And when he can't fault other people for his problems, Chris relies on autism and stress as fallback excuses.

He's strongly opinionated and drunk on his e-fame, so he sees himself as a [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|role model]] that could change the world. He doesn't necessarily want to change it for the better, but he wants to change it to where everyone conforms to his worldview and showers him with praise so he will never again have to [[Tobacky|feel uncomfortable]], suffer any inconveniences, or be [[Sonichu (comic)|forced to actually put effort into anything]]. This means arrogantly pointing out the sins of others but never answering to his own, which leads to Chris doling out advice to others that he should be heeding himself.

Chris's [[Mailbag]] answers are particularly rich sources of hypocrisy, where he readily gives advice to people that he himself will never follow.

==Examples==
=== "Grow up!" — Maturity ===
In the latter half of 2009, Chris had become fond of telling his [[trolls]] and detractors to "grow up." This is coming from a 27-year-old man who has lived with his parents continually since graduating high school, [[Chris's resume|has been employed for two months of his entire life]], lives in a room full of toys, plays video games all day, refers to things that make him feel uncomfortable with [[CWC-isms|childish euphemisms]], [[Chris and fashion|dresses like a toddler]], and is overly dependent on his parents (and the [[Monthly tugboat|US government]]) to the point of absurdity.

Chris has not moved on past high school. In his late 20s he still wears his high school ring, uses his old high school colors in art projects (and when he wants to portray Native Americans), and keeps his high school yearbooks within easy reach (so he can [[Mass debating|masturbate]] to [[Kellie Andes]] without leaving his chair). Chris's characters are examples of this as well. Despite ostensibly being 18-22 years old, the Sonichus sometimes don [[:Image:MegagiDecay.jpg|cheerleading outfits]] outside of sexual roleplay. Sonichu and Rosechu were originally 16 and 15 in the comics, respectively, before Chris retconned their ages so they can legally fuck. Despite this, he created a [[Zapina|14-year-old]] character who attends high school (in a scandalously revealing outfit). At age 27 Chris has dispensed [[CWC Blog|dating advice]] to high school freshmen. A master of subtlety, Chris named one of the villains in his comics ''[[Count Graduon]]''.

In short, Chris idealizes his youth while demonizing the present, as high school was a simpler time when he had a [[Gal-pals|social circle]], [[Biological clock|regular sleep patterns]], and some purpose in life apart from creating terrible comics and [[CWCFlyingElephants|debasing himself on the internet]].

=== "GET A JOB, DUDE" — Work ===
[[Image:TwofacedCWC.jpg|thumb|right|"No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation."]]

Chris also likes to tell people to get jobs while he himself has been employed for about two months of his life. On his [[Resume|resume]], Chris lists playing Pokémon cards with small children as volunteer work, when in reality emotionally-stunted manchildren play Pokémon with little kids all the time. Chris [[Father Call|sometimes claims]] he was supervising or babysitting the children involved, where in reality Chris himself required some amount of supervision not to fuck up the hobby store where he played cards.

Much like acclaimed author J.K. Rowling went on welfare for a year or two so she'd have the time to write the first ''Harry Potter'' book (a franchise which went on to make her the richest woman in the world), Chris avoids searching for employment to focus on merchandising Sonichu (a franchise which, as you know, will never make him a dime). And that takes an hour or two at most: Chris will draw and color a comic page or two, make videos, or astonish Charlottesville residents with his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]] skills in a bizarre marketing stunt. The rest of Chris's time is apparently spent playing [[List of Chris's games|video games]], [[Adult Swim|watching TV]], and [[List of Chris's PSN game downloads|downloading]] extra content for his video games. Chris has an abundance of free time where he could easily work a full-time job and still find the time to draw Sonichu. That is, if Chris were employable. In reality Chris would [[Donald Duck impersonation|impersonate Donald Duck]] and it would be [[Wendy's]] all over again.

In addition to this, Chris fails at having some basic skills one would need to keep employment, such as: keeping his [[Death threats|murderous]] [[Chris and anger|rage]] in check, [[Chris and health#Hygiene|basic hygiene]], [[Chris and fashion|dressing appropriately]], showing [[Niggos|tolerance]] [[JERKS|and]] [[Homos|respect]] for other people, and [[Megan|keeping one's hands off]] women.

=== "WINDOWS TO HELL" — Other people with mental disabilities ===

While happily claiming disability when it suits him (i.e. when he gets [[Monthly tugboat|money]] or [[Gal pals|sympathy]] from it), Chris gladly reminds everyone that he's (high-functioning) autistic. However, Chris [[Myspace|distances himself]] from others with autism, calling them "slow-in-the-minds" and "windows to hell." Chris specifically excluded "the low functionally mentally handicapped," "the [[Chris and Health|seriously]] [[Duck|physically]] [[Chris|deformed]]," and the "Autistic, high-functionally or otherwise" from an actual list of criteria women would have to meet before he would consider dating them. For the record, "blacks" are also disqualified. By his own admission, Chris is "sometimes retarded" and is abnormally proud that he is on the autism spectrum. In fact, right below his rigorous standards for his future girlfriend, he admits that he himself is autistic but claims "that's another story."

Chris denies that any of his Sonichu characters are autistic, even though they're all copyright-infringing little Mary Sues, need to be in the [[Dating Education|special classes]] Chris thought up and every so often display debilitating social anxiety around the opposite sex. Back when Chris made his own Pokémon cards, he thought up an "autistic Pokémon" named Plautistic (who could disable its own attacks), but this only appears on the cover of [[Christian's Favorite Hits!]] and nowhere else.

In the mailbags, Chris dismisses any similarity between autism and Asperger's syndrome, another disorder on the autism spectrum. Chris went so far as to create a specific section for autism-related emails, and then a [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|frothing rant on CWCipedia]] where he rails against those with Asperger's syndrome. The abridged version of Chris's reasoning is that by having a higher-functioning form of autism than Chris, they're diminishing Chris's own accomplishments. Chris considers [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|everything he's done so far]] special because he has autism. To date, the only things Chris has actually accomplished are graduating from high school and a [[PVCC|third-rate community college]], which most people could do with little effort.

Despite likening the mentally handicapped to reanimated walking corpses, Chris bases a large part of his identity around having autism, whether he's triumphing over it by being able to mow a lawn or he's using it as an excuse to sit around and play ''[[Little Big Planet]]'' all day. Incidentally, this behavior is actually somewhat common with teenage girls with bipolar disorder (real, self-diagnosed or imagined), where they'll brag about how terribly bad their bipolar disorder is, how much lithium they're on, and so forth. Most grow out of it by the time they're 18.

==="I'll pray for you to open your mind" — Tolerance ===

It's very much in Chris's interests that others tolerate him and his odd behavior. Chris's life is defined by mannerisms that can charitably be described as unorthodox. His autism certainly shapes some of his lesser quirks, but he's also picked up some very strange ideas. [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|He thinks it's normal for adults to shit their pants from time to time]], and he found nothing strange about [[Recycling#Recycling|jerking off into a cup and chugging it down]]. He once uploaded a YouTube video where he [[The Return of Kimmi|made out with a sex doll with a picture of his sweetheart taped to the face]] because he thought it was an endearing act that his sweetheart would want to see. He had a store clerk [[Sports bra photo series|fit him for a bra that he wears happily]]. He uses his [[Sonichu (comic)|children's comic]] to express and explore his [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|sexual fantasies and desires]]. And he's [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_April_28th%2C_2009#Watch|made statements]] to indicate he's not ashamed of these actions, regardless of what anyone says.

So in order to continue to do whatever he wants to do and not be made fun of, he explains these things away by essentially saying, "everyone does it and you should still consider me normal," even though he'd probably be hard-pressed to name another guy his age that shits himself as much as he does. Deep down, he probably knows some of these things are fucked up, but finds living up to the standards of society to be a huge inconvenience. So he expects others to change their perceptions so that they can accept him and all of the things he doesn't want to change. In instances where someone might think he's a weirdo, Chris preaches tolerance and insists others open their minds to different ideas and not be so judgmental.

However, this doesn't work both ways with Chris. Chris wants people to open their minds to his foibles, but once he's made up his mind that a group of people are doing things that he considers negative, suddenly tolerance goes out the window and he will refuse to show them any amount of respect and acceptance.

An example of Chris not accepting others came about during the aforementioned war in his mind being waged against Asperger's Syndrome. [[Mailbag_7|When a fan mail submission]] pointed out how stubborn it was to close his mind to documented facts about Asperger's Syndrome, Chris refused any concessions, though in the very next letter he berated someone for following what he called a closed-minded religion and said he'd pray for her to open her [[china|mind]].

In another example, Chris is sickened by the idea of [[Homos|homosexuality]] and [[Captain's_Log%2C_Stardate_February_5th%2C_2009#Take_2|can't even bring himself to say the word "gay,"]] though he will say the word "homo" if he's using it as an insult. He's gone on record as saying he [[CWC Update 30 January 2009|hates gay people]], [[Megan_E-mails#Chris_is_angry_about_Megan_kissing_her_friend.2C_then_pities_himself|is afraid of them]], and would outlaw them if he had the power to do so. Chris has [[Mailbag_1#The_cure_for_homosexuality|envisioned a future where scientists have created a cure for being gay]], and has incorporated this idea into [[Sonichu 10|issue ten]] of his kiddie comic strip. This immense hatred burns deep within him despite the fact that no gay person had done anything negative to him in his entire life, until [[Jack Thaddeus]] began to interact with Chris. Though in contrast (as far as Chris is aware) Jack <s>is</s> was also the person providing Chris with free hosting for the [[CWCipedia]], which at least makes up for some degree of harassment he has given Chris. It was only later that he'd been led to believe that [[Clyde Cash]] was gay as well. He'd stated to Megan that he had these feelings about gays even before he met her gay friend Christopher (whom he illogically suspected of trying to sleep with Megan). He simply hates them because they exist, and has refused to tolerate them all his life. Despite his past fervor, he has recently stated that he "(does) and will NOT Discriminated homosexuals as Individual People" and that "What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it." Which is why he employs an [[Magi-Chan|omniscient being]] to [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|spy on people and punish them]] for what they [[recycling|do]] behind closed doors. Which brings us to...

=== "I fear them all" — Homosexuality ===

Chris is resolute in his beliefs that gays are an abomination before God. But he does make exceptions if the gay person has a [[china]]. During an [[IRC_(02_January_2009)|IRC Chat]] he granted lesbians complete amnesty, saying that if he were in charge, it would be "illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe." When pressed on why it's okay for women to be gay and not men, he fell back on his "all men are [[JERKS]]" defense by saying, "it's bad enough they're mostly jerks, plus homo men are AGAINST God's will." However, later that month in a [[Mumble_1#Gays.2C_lesbians_and_men_in_general|Mumble chat]], he softened his stance on whether or not it's okay for women to be gay be saying he would "100% discourage" gay men, but for gay women, he will "partial courage."

In the world of Sonichu, the villanous [[Reldnahc]] is gay, but the [[Heather Iglesias|nanny for Sonichu and Rosechu's kids]] is also gay. She's on the side of good because she's a lesbian, though she's been instructed to keep her trap shut about it. [[Mailbag 4#In which Chris is rude to a young girl|A fan letter]] confronted Chris with the hypocrisy of having lesbians in the comic despite his viewpoints and fine Christian morals. While Chris answered parts of the letter, he conveniently ignored that point. Likely, Chris makes this exception because it would be difficult for him to [[mass debating|fap]] to all the [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|lesbian porn]] he watches and not feel conflicted.

He also will make exceptions if gays do voices in his [[LittleBigPlanet|favorite video games]]. A member of his [[Monty Python|favorite comedy troupe]] was gay, though it's not clear if Chris knows that. But it does seem clear that whether it's porn, TV, or video games, as long as Chris is entertained by a gay person, Chris somehow exempts them from the abomination rule.

His hatred towards gays and everything they stand for contrasts very sharply to some of his actions. Chris has no qualms with [[Recycling|drinking his own semen]], and has said he would even go as far as [[Kacey Phone Call|licking his semen off his beloved]]. He's admitted to being plagued by [[Mailbag 4|homoerotic thoughts]]. He loves [[rainbow]]s and has frequently put them in his comics. Chris liked the game ''Katamari Damacy'' enough to quote it in some of his videos, a game that features a character wearing a flamboyant ensemble that shows off his huge [[Pickle|schlong]] clearly visible through his tights. He once referred to himself as coming [[IRC (20 January 2009)|"out of his autistic closet."]] He loves gay anthems, such as "I Love the Nightlife," and listens to music straight men generally avoid, such as Backstreet Boys songs. He loves romantic comedy films and even owns a copy of the ''Sex and the City'' movie.

'''Chris shoves [[Sex toys|things]] up his ass.''' That should say enough about this matter.

In short, many gay men don't act as gay as Chris does sometimes, but he still feels justified at leveling his disapproving scorn at them.

=== "And I emphasize fan fiction" — Chris's creations ===

Chris is extremely protective over Sonichu and the whole media franchise he has created.

If Chris had actually shown any originality, this wouldn't really be a problem: he'd have full rights to do whatever he wants with his own original creations. People would frown on, but begrudgingly stomach, the idea that a writer who used to write fan fiction would strike it big through original works and then tell people not to create any fan fiction based on ''their'' works - legally appropriate, but it would show that the author has forgotten their roots. As [[Chris and copyright|discussed elsewhere]], however, Chris doesn't have all rights to Sonichu, and hasn't quite graduated to the "original works" club. He makes fan fiction and then whines about fan fiction. Even when the media industry tries their darnedest to demonize copyright infringement as theft and everyone laughs at them as a result, let us just use an appropriate analogy here: ''thieves shouldn't whine when someone steals from them.''

Fundamentally, Chris's creations are a bizarre maelstrom of various fan fiction elements, with various bits stolen from a great number of sources. Chris seems to be honest about this, and says that he blatantly steals material from various shows.<ref>[[Common Questions#Answered 28 December 2009|Common Questions]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 35#In which Chris tells us that we need to go look up what he stole from|Mailbag 35]]</ref>

However, at the same time, he claims that Sonichu is an original creation of his, and has no problems attempting to dictate how people use this precious creation of his.<ref>[[Down with asperchu]]</ref> In short, he calls other works "fan fiction" and fails to realize that ''Sonichu is fundamentally fan fiction, too'' — he is unable to see that the "fan" creations were created through the ''exact same process'' he himself used. He had the gall to say Sonichu is "parodic", but doesn't like creations that he has labelled "parodies" either.

Oh, and just to top it off: he's crying over (nonexistent) unauthorized [[Jimmy Hill|Sonichu merchandise]], and profiting on (godawful) unauthorized [[EBay|Aqua Teen merchandise]].

=== "Get those cameras off me!" — Privacy ===

In the mailbags, Chris describes CWCville as a place where [[Homos|homosexuality]] is forbidden by law. This is enforced by [[Magi-chan]], who uses his psychic abilities to monitor all citizens at all times. Offenders are then rounded up and ''fined $500'', money they could have otherwise spent on video games.

Several days later, Chris would use the Sonichu comic to rail against celebrity news website TMZ for invading the privacy of his electric hedgehogs, who are apparently as interesting and noteworthy as actual celebrities. TMZ was depicted as a floating, all-seeing movie camera that spied on Rosechu putting in a tampon, Sonichu and Rosechu reenacting a bondage scene from ''[[Family Guy]]'', and Robbie Sonee describing unnatural acts with a (possibly anthropomorphic) lizard.

Chris also stated during correspondence with his Wiki SysOp that he would go as far to [[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The_Introduction_Image_Space_is_NOT_Ad_Space_(CCS)|distribute a video of himself having sex with a woman, recorded using hidden cameras,]] to prove his heterosexuality. When later pressed on this being a blatant invasion of privacy, Chris covered himself by stating that he would [[Mailbag 31#In_which_Chris_crosses_yet_another_line|blur the participating woman's face]], and upon further questioning changed his proposal to [[Mailbag 34#Chris_would_find_someone_okay_with_being_filmed_to_take_his_"virgin cherry branch"|involve a woman actually willing to participate]].

=== "They set me on fire!" — Slander ===

It is evident to the readers of Sonichu that Chris uses the comic to settle his conflicts in real life. Every time he felt wronged by someone, he felt the unique urge to incorporate them in the comic and having his main hero (an idealized vision of himself) literally beating them up.

The main victim of this treatment was Mary Lee Walsh, the Dean of Student Affairs at the [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. Because she "Dared" interrupting Chris in his [[Love Quest]] on the grounds of the college, Chris launched himself in a ridiculous one-sided feud against her and included her as the main villain in his comic. This is not an isolated incident. He gave the same treatment to literally anyone who had [[Stress|frustrated]] him. The list includes (but is not limited to) a [[Bagget|police officer]] called in to evict him from a [[Target]] store, various store [[Jerkop|security]] [[Jerkhief|guards]] and [[Manajerks|managers]], romantic [[Wes Iseli|rivals]], old [[CADD Chef|teachers]] and even [[Joseph Herring|fellow students]] only because they were popular with the girls.

This wouldn't be a problem if the situation was contained in the comic itself. Anyone free to make an educated guess would say that Chris uses artistic license to overcompensate for his weaknesses in real life. This, however, disregards many [[Death threats]] he issued to individuals on the net. [[Jack Thaddeus]] and [[Clyde Cash]], two well-known antagonists of Chris, were berated ([[Fail|without success]]) into [[To Clyde and Jack|committing suicide]]. In the comic [[Sonichu 10]], they throw themselves down a 72-story elevator shaft. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], the creator of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page regarding Chris's antics, not only received [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|cryptic messages]] from Chris, but saw his own character [[Sonichu 8#The Clarksville Address|left for dead in a pool of his own blood]] after being battered by [[Rosechu]]'s [[China|genitalia]]. The last example is quite disturbing. After a [[Liquid Chris#Showdown|long feud]] with the man known as [[Liquid Chris]], he saw no problem [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|yelling at him]], issuing [[NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!|death threats]], and trying to steal his [[Kacey|girlfriend]]. When this failed, he introduced the gentleman in the issue [[Sonichu Special 4]] of his comic, where he shot him in the shins for no apparent reason. When the girlfriend, scared for her and her boyfriend's safety, asked him what it was all about, he answered that it wasn't that bad [[Kacey and Liquid Call|since he barely shot him in the legs]].

Strangely, Chris strongly disapproves of this method of expression when he's on the receiving end of it. When [[Down with Asperchu|he attacked]] Alec Benson Leary for the creation of [[Asperchu]], Alec had no scruples about putting him in front of the [http://hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Issue_C/Page_29 business end of a flamethrower]. This insulted Chris so much that he felt the need to make a [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|long video]] where he calls the attack made on him "horrendous" and vows that the [[Patti Chandler|spirit of his dead dog]] will avenge him. He would later cap off Sonichu 10 with a graphic depiction of Alec's execution.

==="A Sweetheart from the Ground Up" — Women===

A big example of Chris's hypocrisy are the ridiculously high standards for a "[[sweetheart]]" that he's published at various times in his life, such as on the [[attraction sign]]. Some of the biggest offenders in regards to hypocrisy are;

"Must Have a Mid to high salary." Chris does not have a job, has no prospects for a job, and lives on [[monthly tugboat|Government Welfare]] yet any woman he dates must be gainfully employed, presumably so Chris can [[Chris and Money|spend]] her money on [[List of Chris's games|video games]] and [[sex toys]].

"Must be average to slender body size." Chris is an [[obesity|overweight lazy slob]], yet demands that any potential sweetheart that he deigns to give his attention to be thin and cute.

"Must not have [[autism]]" Despite the fact that Chris has made being autistic a huge point of pride, he absolutely refuses to consider any girl with the same condition on the grounds that he fears that seeing them will make him think about what he might be like if he had anything other than high-functioning autism.

==="I would have them ESS-acuted!" — Capital Punishment===

Chris has made it known in his mailbag that he is opposed to the death penalty. However, in [[9 February 2010|02092010.MOV]], after the Cwcipedia was taken offline, he ranted that he wanted to see Alec, Evan, and Mao [[Death threats|executed]]. That's right, serial murderers deserve clemency but people who try to stop Chrissy from [[simonla|stealing intellectual property]] deserve capital punishment.

Chris later carried out these executions within the pages of [[Sonichu 10]]. This sequence was incredibly hypocritical, as he sentenced them to death and killed them '''as he listed off all the ways in which he wronged them.'''

==="Don't be a moof or aloof" — Mature content===

Chris has severe problems understanding media with mature themes, or, to be specific, media with [[Chris and death|death]]. It appears that Chris is railing heavily against video games that are rated Mature or higher, and thinks that realistic depictions of death in fiction "sadden" him.<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref> Yet, at the same time, he thought the ''Saw'' movie series was good, ''despite'' of the gruesome deaths featured therein. Even if this is not outright hypocrisy, it's still clear that there's something very ''odd'' going on in here; it's clear that he's enjoyed some mature-rated works, but he's still clinging to teen-rated games at best — there's huge amounts of cognitive dissonance at work here.

Chris has said a number of times in videos and mailbags that his comics will never feature excessive violence and gore. For a long time, Chris took great pains to avoid showing outright death in his comics. [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] was claimed to be kept alive by "dark forces", and [[Liquid Chris]] was [[Sonichu Special 4|shot in the legs]], as a sort of attempt at a nonlethal shooting. The deaths of [[Pandahalo]] and [[Ivy]], while horrific, were both not actually shown, so it was almost as though Chris was keeping his word.

[[File:Evan'sDeath.JPG|thumb|Remember, this is a comic for kids!]]
Blatant outright hypocrisy on this matter finally surfaced in the last few pages of [[Sonichu 10]]. He broke this promise in a spectacularly graphic manner, with the (court sanctioned) deaths of the [[Asperpedia]] staff. Alec and Sean were killed by the electric Chair and firing squad respectively. While these are both highly controversial means of inflicting capital punishment, they both exist in the real world as ways to accomplish something as terrible as ending a human life as quickly as possible, and in that way they are arguably humane.

By contrast, there is nothing humane or even reasonable about the deaths of Evan and Mao. Evan is shackled to a wall, and mutilated for an indeterminate amount of time before being apparently stabbed to death by Wild and Sandy. This outright torture included cutting off both of his legs, one of his arms, a series of deep cuts to his torso, and ''genital mutilation via a giant drill''. Mao had his arms and legs telekinetically forced to bend in the wrong direction, causing the snapped bones to rip though his skin. As he lay on the ground, screaming in agony, Chris telekinetically blasted a hole in his left shoulder, from which he bled out.

All of the violence in the final pages of Sonichu 10 are particularly egregious when compared to what the ''offenders'' came up with. While Asperchu and [[Asperchu#Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]] feature violence and gore, it's all clearly over the top and meant to be humorous. Chris's depiction of violence comes across as dead serious, and he seems to hate the offenders with the fury of a thousand suns.

Chris not only has difficulties understanding mature content when it comes to violence, but also sex and profanity. Chris claims that [[Mailbag_20#Chris_considers_his_audience|his comic is equivalent to a TV-Y7 program]], which according to broadcast standards would mean no sexual content or innuendo whatsoever, even if censored. However, ''Sonichu'' is loaded with sex, pornography, and innuendo, but Chris says it's okay because [[Asperchu_is_a_Horrendous_Joke|he'll put tiny stickers over genitalia]]. Chris has stated that [[Mailbag_47#Mellow_out.2C_it.27s_just_furry_porn|showing kids pornography]] is just a way to educate them on things they're going to eventually see. Yet when it comes to profanity, another thing people learn as they become adults, Chris takes great pains to censor swear words and scold others for using them. Sonichu 10 reveals that profanity may be a capital crime. He'll even censor vaguely offensive words that most kids are allowed to say, such as "crap." However, none of this is being done for the children. Chris loves pornography and dislikes when other people swear (note that he swears all the damn time), so that's how his comic is going to be presented.

==Chris on hypocrisy==

{{quote|A: "hypocrite"; an adjective; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) [[Fanbase|an UNTRUE Fan. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for a newer, yet badly drawn, thing, after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a hypocrite among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans]].|Chris, on what it means to be a hypocrite}}

In the [[Common_Questions#Answered_20_January_2010|Mailbag questions]], Chris was asked to define "hypocrite." His answer shows that he barely understands the concept, thinks it's some kind of insult (like "naïve" or "benevolent"), and somehow refers to a fan's level of devotion.

Chris's first definition is vague, and could be used to describe hypocrisy (one's stated beliefs being in conflict with one's actions), but could also be used to describe a general lack of enthusiasm. Under Chris's definition, a homophobe who doesn't take [[Sonichu 10|drastic measures]] to eradicate homosexuality would be a hypocrite.

His second definition is just hyperbole, in the same way someone would throw around "fascist" when not using it to describe an extreme right-wing authoritarian nationalist.

Chris's third definition is more of a (failed) example to ''describe'' a hypocrite, and more describes Chris's "if you're not now, you never were" attitude towards fandom. In Chris's mind, he must enjoy all Sonic the Hedgehog games regardless of quality, and wear and display Pokémon merchandise well past an age where that would be considered socially acceptable. Because Chris enjoyed Sonic and Pokémon when he was younger, he's not allowed to move on, grow up, and find other, more adult interests.

Chris then went on to rail against Asperchu, and refused to acknowledge the dozens of mailbag letters pointing out examples of his hypocrisy, double standards, and contradictions.

==Sauces==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[List of Chris's lies]]

{{Chris and}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]

Talk:Sandy Rosechu

2010-02-25T19:45:52Z

Kettle5000:

This Sandy character is a clear derivative of Simonchu. I wonder how Evan will react to it. Hopefully, it will be with another lawsuit. It's obvious that Chris didn't learn his lesson the first time, so we might as well whip him again. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 15:53, 25 February 2010 (UTC)

:Sandy IS simonla with a very slightly different haircut. I hate Chris so much.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 16:31, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
::I know. He made good on his promise to kill of Simonla, but he later decides to spit in the face of Evan by bringing her back in an almost identical body. --[[User:BreadGod|BreadGod]] 17:35, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
:::You just know he's going to bring Simonla back in some way. Evan wanted him to stop using the character altogether, not just kill her off. She's going to reappear as a vision to Sandy or Wild or someone. Fuck.--[[User:AIDSandstuff|AIDSandstuff]] 17:45, 25 February 2010 (UTC)

Date-ed, when Wild and Simonla hooked up, was in April. Director Amenities happened in August. Using the 99-day gestation period, Sandy was concieved in early May. Wild and Simonla never married. Sandy is the first Rosechu born out of wedlock. There is so much wrong with this. --[[User:OFSheep|OFSheep]] 19:03, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
:At least Chris didn't say they were married, not yet. --[[User:Marco|Marco]] 19:26, 25 February 2010 (UTC)

Awesome Sandy/Lisa fusion pic. --[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 19:45, 25 February 2010 (UTC)

CWCville

2010-02-25T19:29:29Z

Kettle5000: edited for clarity

{{quote|I'm still the mayor of CWCville. There is no elections.|[[Chris-chan Discusses...]]}}

'''CWCville''' (pronounced: Quick-ville, IPA: [kwɪk vɪɫ]) is [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris-chan's]] imaginary world, created from a combination of his twisted views on the world and pop-culture to work as a place where all his wishes, ideas and deranged fantasies becomes true.

{| class="wikitable collapsible collapsed" align="right" border="1"
! CWC ON LOCATION
|-
| Photo:
| [[Image:CWCville.jpg|thumb]]
|-
| Location:
| CWCville, Virginia
|-
| Coordinates:
| Unknown, possibly the same as [[Charlottesville]] in a parallel universe
|-
| Classification:
| Delusional autonomous city-state
|-
| Date established:
| 2000, maybe earlier. 1982 fictionwise
|-
| Population:
| Large. Mixed population of humans, Pokemon, and ripoffs
|-
| Zip/post code:
| Unknown.
|-
| Area code:
| N/A, communication system relies on classified Nintendo DS link
|-
| Website:
| Defunct
|-
| Also known as:
| Chris's mind
|-
| Produces:
| Excessive undeveloped characters, blatant ripoffs, Autistic manchildren, semen
|-
| Current relevance:
| Main location of events in the [[Sonichu]] universe
|}

==CWCville, USA==

Considering how it's portrayed, its full name could be the ''Our Glorious Leader's True and Honest Lovers' City of CWCville'', in a way similar to the [http://www.korea-dpr.com/ Democratic People's Republic of Korea].

CWCville is actually two things: a fictional setting for the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]], and Chris's long-ongoing pet project — many might call it a "happy place" and an imaginary refuge from the harshness of reality. The two things overlap very much. It's sort of like his own personal Silent Hill - except that instead of being a twisted Hell full of violent rage and nightmare beasts, it's a disturbingly cheerful place where Chris's bouncy creations laugh, frolic, and [[sex|fuck]] for his amusement exactly like Silent Hill. Characters are introduced without warning and fall by the wayside just as quickly; nobody's quite sure what becomes of them, but knowing Chris it probably involves anguished shrieks emanating from a love dungeon below the Mayor's house. Many are sent to the [[Moon]].

In the ''Sonichu'' comic book world, the town is allegedly located in the state of [[Virginia]], but being a figment of Chris Chan's imagination, it will never be found on an actual map. Yet, in many ways, it seems the city is legislatively and economically cut off from the rest of Virginia and the United States. In this city, Chris Chan is a despotic mayor, where he controls everything at his own will and dictates new laws, granting him the basis of his megalomaniac tendencies.

Inside the comic, CWCville is at a fierce rivalry with neighboring school [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PVCC]]. It is under constant attack from the evil forces of Dean [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and her army of [[Jerkops]].

It also seems that CWCville also exists either in some sort of time void, or an alternate universe where events differ. In [[Sonichu 10]], it's mentioned that everyone was going to talk to President [[Barack Obama]] over the [[Asperpedia]]. However, the story takes place in or around September 2008. Obama wouldn't even be elected for another two months and wouldn't take office until two months later. Even more, the Asperpedia wouldn't be put up for another ''year''.

==CWCville history==
According to [[Sonichu 8]], CWCville was founded in [[1982]] by Chris's father, [[Bob Chandler]]. Why he would name a city after his deadshit son is unknown.

===BILLY MAYS coup===

On 03 [[March 2009]], Chris announced that [[BILLY MAYS]] is the new mayor of CWCville and that he was going to CWCville Jail to get raped by [[niggos]].

On 04 March 2009, Chris revoked his statement that made MAYS the new mayor, establishing a government-in-exile in his bedroom. Most legal scholars, however, argue that since Chris was not wearing the [[Medallion of Fail]], which Chris has indicated is necessary for a video to be TRUE and HONEST (and any retraction otherwise would involve him wearing the medallion to make his retraction legally binding), his statements to the contrary are false and therefore not legally binding, meaning BILLY MAYS is still the mayor of CWCville.

On 28 [[June 2009]] BILLY MAYS snorted too much cocaine and died in his mayoral mansion, plunging the entire town into mourning. Chris wasted no time in seizing control of CWCville, and quickly undid all of MAYS' initiatives, before announcing during a [[Chris_chan_Discusses|post-coup interview]] that he was always the ruler, and that there would be no further elections.

==CWCville IRL==
[[Image:CWCvilleMapProper.jpg|thumb|300px|Sonichu and Rosechu's welfare housing in relation to the rest of CWCville. Note that CWCville's postal code is the same as Chris's birthday, and that the address is nearly identical to his real address.]]

The IRL timeline concerning the creation of CWCville is uncertain, however we do know that is has existed since Chris's high school years, before [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] was originally thought of in March of [[2000]]. Evidence photography of CWCville being replicated from Chris's mind to reality with [[Lego]] blocks have proven that CWCville was in fact one of his first creations, even disputing in antiquity with the creation of [[Bionic the Hedgehog]], Christian's first Sonic recolor.

It has been argued that Chris's power stems from the fact that he can retreat to his own CWCville world, where he can right all wrongs done to him. In his comics, we see him defeating Mary Lee Walsh, with whom he holds an IRL grudge, beating around the jerkops, and bringing his dead dog, [[Patti Chandler]], back to life in the form of another inhabitant. The main reason Chris can do such superhuman acts as defeating a whole army of huge [[Jerkops]] and resurrecting his dead dog is that in CWCville his will reigns supreme. This serves as a blanket that protects his physically and mentally weak self from the outside world in which he holds no such power.

==Spelling==

One of Chris's [[The Wall of Originals|homemade Pokémon cards]] featured a "Cwick City Gym," while [[City of Cwicville Tour!|an unfinished Game Boy Camera project]] dating from [[2001]] used the spellings "Cwicville" and "Cwickville". It is unknown why he changed the spelling. Likely the alternate spelling just didn't stimulate his [[Chris and his ego|his massive ego]] as much as his unaltered initials, even if it makes a lot less sense.

Without knowing the "correct" pronunciation of the name, the fact remains that "CWCville" has three consonants in row in the business end of the name. Using conventional phonology, the name is pretty difficult to utter, unless you're in Eastern Europe or perhaps Wales. In [[Mailbag 43#...well, this is disturbing!|Mailbag 43]], Chris slams [[Evan]] and fails once again, spectacularly, to realize the seeds of truth buried in parodies: ''"She is Very Happy in Cwcville, VA, rather than the c***-shack known as 'Ecgville'. (HOW IS THAT SO-CALLED CITY PRONOUNCED ANYWAY? It sounds like a very "Eckie" Ailment, possibly Cold-Like.)"''

==Government==
{{Quote|Is CWCville under MARTIAL LAW?!?!|[[Jack thaddeus phone call 3|Jack Thaddeus]]}}

[[Image:CWCvilleArea.jpg|thumb|300px|Map of CWCville area. Notice how [[Sonic]]'s house is bigger than the entirety of Pallet Town.]]
CWCville is like many contemporary third world countries.

There's a non-elected leader who does what he pleases, "advised" by an elected Town Council. Exactly how CWCville's government operates is quite nebulous and mystified. Chandler is mayor-for-life with supreme power, and has insisted that there are no elections, but he has also insisted that the vote has "even" been extended to [[Niggos|those of African descent]]. Voting is strictly for the Town Council, which holds no authority, existing as a purely advisory comittee which the mayor is not obligated to listen to. The mayor attempts to dissuade accusations of dictatorship, citing that dictatorships are never hereditary, whereas he [[Mailbag 34#The government totally sucks|inherited the town from his father]]. However, he refuses to acknowledge that this obviously makes his town a ''monarchy'', by explaining that all other government positions are voted on (even though such a practice is common in many modern monarchies). It's also revealed that the name of the town was changed when it was passed from father to son, though whether or not the town was originally known as "RFCville", or something marginally less retarded is unknown, as all records of Mayor Bob's mayorship — in fact, all symbols of the old regime — have been erased.

It is theorized that one day Christian will hand over the reins of governance to his daughter, [[Crystal]] Weston Chandler, in which case the town's name will not go through another change. It is uncertain whether the continuation of the CWC initials for the town are intended by him to be hereditary, as Crystal, being a woman, would have a 1/26 chance of reproducing with a man with a C for his final initial.

Business owners and managers who try to stand up for themselves are ruthlessly crushed. The police don't take orders from the civil authorities and lock people up at random, [[Mary Lee Walsh|the dean]] of [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|the only college]] is leading a hopeless resistance and is vilified in the [[Comic|mayoral-controlled press]]. [[Attraction Sign|Soliciting sex]] is legal in CWCville, whereas possessing [[tobacky]] is a very serious offense. [[Alcohol]] was illegal until 2009, when the ban was rescinded.

Laws have been enacted to persecute homosexuals, and [[Mailbag 31|psychic surveillance is used to monitor sexual purity]]; in a predictable display of bureaucratic cluelessness, this important task has been somehow handed to [[Magi-Chan|an obvious closet case]]. This constant Orwellian surveillance, which is obviously done under the guise of "protecting" the citizens, flies completely against the basic human right to privacy. Since there is no plausible way to have any oversight over a super-powered official or question or contest his findings (and [[Mailbag|disputing the authority has been futile in general]]), it also effectively elevates the official above law. The Mayor has also hinted — though sensibly, he has not written it into actual ''law'', otherwise all international observers would condemn his actions at once — that the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, a group of civilian defense contractors, have [[Chris and the Law#In the Comics|immunity from prosecution]]. This goes against the concept of supremacy of law that is the very foundation of modern societies; some sociologists have pointed out that this is in fact the hallmark of all police states.

The [[KCWC|radio station]] and [[CWC Cola|soft drink company]] are also named after the mayor, which indicates either nationalization of normally private businesses or rampant cronyism. CWCville mints its own money, which comes in confusing denominations—for instance, there are two kinds of quarter, the C and W, which are mutually exclusive to the point where vending machines will take only one or the other, and the exchange rate between the two is inexact.

CWCville has a [[Jack thaddeus phone call 3|large police force equipped with weapons and TANKS, and even an entire division of the United States Army]]; all these units, as said before, are above law. These groups appear frequently all around the city enforcing the laws, giving grim reminders of their existence to the common public every day, dragging the morale down. For a normal townsperson, hardly a day passes without a tank rolling past their home, military helicopters buzzing over the shopping centers, or seeing a group of heavily armed mercenaries bullying a hapless youngster on the other side of the street for simply ''looking'' a little bit "trollish", whatever that means. Any attempts at humor are prosecuted swiftly and severely under the draconian laws that are based on [[Chris and copyright|curious misinterpretations]] of international copyright laws.

Despite all this perceived military and law enforcement might, the police and mercenaries demonstrably offer little real protection or competence: troublemakers like [[Wes Iseli]] ruin weddings with near impunity, and the [[Mary Lee Walsh|dissident leaders]] remain at large [[Sonichu 10|until recently]].

The court system is a joke. Slaweel Ryam was captured, depowered and sent to a maximum security prison without a trial. The [[jerkops]] and [[manajerks]] are depowered, yet are allowed to go scott-free. However, when [[Simonla Rosechu]] is murdered by a Voltorb, four people - [[Evan]], [[Asperchu|Alec Benson Leary]], [[Fan: Moon-Pals|Sean]] and Mao are arrested and put on trial not even a week after. The judge is biased in Chris's favour, when all judges must be impartial. Sean is permitted to defend himself and his fellow co-defendants, despite being clearly under the influence of drugs. Nobody suggests appointing a public defender for the four. The prosecutor adds on to the charges, considering slander via the Asperpedia (which was destroyed by Chris), a mild offense, punishable by death. Evidence gathered using Magi-Chan's psychic powers is considered admissible in court. When the four are found guilty by a clearly biased jury, they are immediately executed in ''cruel and inhumane ways''.

The basic services are lacking: [[Blake|African Sonichu]] wasn't sent to a hospital ER after being attacked by [[Silvana]], but was sent to a wholly inadequate [[Pokémon]] Center instead. Packs of wild Pokémon roam the streets, uncontrolled. The [[CWCville Shopping Center|rare buildings of CWCville]] are sad, lopsided affairs, betraying [[CADD|a lack of architectural and engineering skills]] brought on by a national brain drain, as the educated classes seek asylum in the US, Canada, or Europe (the map shows many buildings, but they tend not to appear in [[Comic|pictures]] — we can assume they were simply never built.

As the poor citizens of CWCville suffer in the squalor of refugee camps, the mayor wastes precious UN aid money on [[Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|oversize novelty drinking straws]] and [[Patti-chan|credit cards for dogs]]. As of [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas|Christmas 2009]], there were 10 homeless shelters set up: [[Mailbag 20|Chris himself]] claims that these ten story "Soup Hotels" house an indigent population of 900-1800 individuals, and come equipped with free cable TV. They are almost certainly havens for junkies, crack dealers and whores openly plying their trade in the hallways and elevators, while the mayor's personal friends, such as Sonichu, live in state-sponsored, suburban housing.

Conditions in CWCville are worsening daily. As mayoral forces clash with [[Jerkop|rebel police]] in the streets of the capital, aid organizations have been forced to withdraw. While his people starve, mayor Chandler has funneled government money into illegal arms trades, probably with rogue nations, with the stated goal of building a rocket to "send all the [[tobacky]] to the moon". The lavish living conditions and the [[Mailbag 21|salary of his squad of Pokémon goons]] are fully supported by the city's budget.

==Flora and fauna==
[[Image:zapbud.jpg|thumb|200px|right|Zapbud]]
CWCville, like the rest of Virginia, has a temperate climate and is suitable for large-scale agriculture. Years of economic decline, however, have seen CWCville's environs diverge greatly from those of its neighboring cities. Its forests growing thicker, and its fields returning to nature, CWCville is an excellent laboratory for the avid naturalist. Pokémon roam in the forests; Zapbuds fill the fields.

====Zapbud====

'''Zapbuds''' are a horrible new invasive species imported from the hell-hole of Chris's mind and have quickly established itself in the surrounding ecosystems, killing off native species such as the Wild Pickle Tree with its weedy tendencies. While some claim Zapbud's have [[Sonichu's_Ode_to_Rosechu|narcotic properties]] similar to opium poppies, little attempt has been made to market or cultivate them outside of CWCville due to intervention from environmental groups from letting this horrific weed from spreading. Aside of "healing woes", relatively little is known of them, aside of having four petals, possibly resembling buds of some sort in their normal state, and the "zap" and electrical hazard symbol suggesting that it might not be the brightest idea to pee in the middle of a zapbud field. Zapbuds reproduce asexually as they have no pistils or stamens for sexual flower reproduction, therefor every zapbud is identical to the parent plant. In the comics, Sonichu is fond of calling Rosechu his "zapbud," or even "blossoming zapbud" if he's ''in the mood.''

Chris has, as frequently demonstrated, failed to develop his characters through his stories. The fact that he fails to demonstrate some character for ''plants'' is just plain ''tragic''. For crying out loud, just how hard can it be to make readers give a damn about a fictitious weed that looks like something from a children's televison show?

==Anomalies==

It is curious to note that while Chris reigns supreme over his imaginary town, it is still subject to the will of other people (as evidenced by BILLY MAYS' election). This gives a small insight into the workings of Chris's mind, as it implies a belief in the non-physical reality of the realm in his own mind. Any sane person could agree to "proclaim" BILLY MAYS the mayor of their fictional city with an offhand shrug, since it doesn't actually ''mean'' anything. They certainly wouldn't take it seriously enough to feel the need to clarify that they didn't mean it. The long and short of this is that Chris's creations are, to him, subject to certain metaphysical laws and structures which IRL he is unable or unwilling to comprehend. This suggests that if efforts were made to convince Chris that, for example, Sonichu had terminal cancer, Chris would either vehemently insist this is not the case, or accept it and claim that he has, in the comic, discovered a cure for cancer.

==See also==
* [[CWCville Shopping Center]]
* [[CWCville Mayoral Office]]

==Links==
* [http://www.onetruecwcville.net/index.php CWCville's official website]
* [http://www.freewebs.com/cwcvillechronicles/educationincwcville.htm CWCVille Chronicles], dark fanfic
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao1CIn7qkaY CWCville Mayor Campaign 2010]

{{CWCverse}}
[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Places]]
[[Category:Sonichu]]

Sandy Rosechu

2010-02-25T19:00:59Z

Kettle5000:

[[Image:SandyRosechu.jpg|right|thumb|D'aww! She's just so cute before violently ripping [[Evan]] to shreds with her bare hands!]]
{{Squote|1=Yay! This soft sand is fun! [[Pedofork|Thank you, daddy!]]|2=Sandy|3=[[Sonichu 10]]|size=300%|Color=black}}
'''Sandy Rosechu''' is the daughter of Simonla Rosechu, with many of the same design elements, making her [[Simonla Rosechu#Development|yet another kludge of a certain Chu]]. For whatever reason, she is able to harbor a desire for revenge and ninja-skills at a very young age, but she still has no discernible personality traits from the other [[Rosechu (species)|Mary Sues]] (assuming that they have any).

==Sonichu 10==
Chris finally caved to [[Evan#Effort_to_remove_Simonla_from_Sonichu|pressure from Evan]], and agreed to kill off Simonla. He fleshed out the original [http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/File:SchuComic11P81.jpg/ death page] to reveal that [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]] and Simonla had managed to shit out an egg together. Moments later, Simonla is fatally wounded in a toilet explosion, and Wild sits on the egg reminiscing about how much he and Simonla were looking forward to being parents, in an attempt to make readers care about [[Sonee & Rosey|the little blessing]]. Shortly after Simonla dies, the abomination hatches and asks where Mommy is. Ever sensitive and tactful, [[Magi-Chan]] promptly tells her that "Evan killed Mommy".

Sandy evolves into a Rosechu in less than a week, and has the intelligence of a fourth-grader by the time Evan, Alec, Mao and Sean go to trial for killing Simonla. Naturally, all four are found guilty and are sentenced to be murdered in the most violent and bloody ways imaginable. Wild, responsible father that he is, encourages Sandy to brutally eviscerate Evan. Sandy does so, right after displaying serial killer tendencies by taking Evan's glasses as a trophy. The duo round off this wholesome daddy/daughter bonding activity by delivering the killer blow together.

==Outside the comics==
Sandy is basically a giant "Fuck you" to Evan, since she's little more than a smaller version of Simonla with a few cosmetic changes and an epic THIRST! FOR! BLOOD!

Only time will tell if Sandy's existence leads to [[Cwcipedia#CWCipedia_Closed_.28Again.29_Due_To_Theft|another lawsuit]].

==Future==
It remains to be seen if Sandy will be a recurring or regular character, or if she will never be heard from again.

==External Links==
[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_1/ Sonichu #10]

{{Sonichu}}

{{stub}}

Sonichu 10

2010-02-25T16:53:02Z

Kettle5000: /* Episode 21: Christian Chandler in Director Amenities */

{{Ongoing}}
[[Image:Issue 10 Cover.jpg|thumb|Finalized issue cover, from [[July 2009]].]]

'''''Sonichu 10''''' is the eleventh issue of the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]]. Chris submitted the first page to the [[CWCipedia]] on 8 [[December 2009]], shortly after finishing [[Sonichu 9|issue 9]].

==Background==
Throughout the early fall of 2008, the idea of obtaining and destroying Chris's [[Medallion of Fail]] had captured the imaginations of [[trolls]] across the world. Ultimately, a group of trolls posing as Chris's sweetheart [[Blanca]], convinced Chris to send her the Medallion.

For a time, it was unclear what had happened. Chris would attempt to set the record straight in his [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|09 October 2008 video]], where he confirmed that he had sent the Medallion to Blanca, and that trolls briefly intercepted it. However, Chris would go on to insist that Blanca herself was not a troll, and that she somehow retrieved the Medallion and returned it to Chris unharmed. In fact, Chris had simply constructed a new Medallion, claiming to have upgraded the original to explain its differences from the first. He also began to show off his [[High School Ring]] implying its greater importance.

To further spin the theft of the Medallion, Chris drew a special Sonichu comic meant to be an excerpt from issue #10. This was uploaded circa 14 October 2008. In it, Chris fictionalizes the trolls attempts to steal his Medallion, and emphasizes the Medallion's safety and Blanca's loyalty to him. Additionally, Chris retcons the [[Anchuent Prophecy]], establishing that the Medallion's powers actually come from the Amnyfest High School Ring.

===Continuity===
At the time, Chris had not yet completed the second half of [[Sonichu 8|Sonichu #8]], and indeed would not complete that issue until 1 January 2009. Most likely, Chris's rationale for skipping ahead was that he wanted to acknowledge the Medallion incident in his comics, but needed to have himself appear in the story to do this. As Chris's character has been marooned in the "[[time void]]" since the end of [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]], and not scheduled to return until after #8, Chris's only solution was to flash forward in the storyline, to a point where he had returned to Earth and was able to confront the trolls personally.

Ironically, far more has transpired in Chris's life than he could have possibly imagined. Even as Chris struggled to begin [[Sonichu 9|Sonichu #9]], Blanca had long since been revealed as a troll, and Chris has subsequently been romanced and heart-shattered by several other trolls. By the time Sonichu #10 had officially begun, the theft of the Medallion and Blanca's role in the incident were ancient history. In fact, the comic version of Blanca had been abruptly written out of the story two issues ago, and Chris's comic counterpart was already seeing his future wife, ensuring that the "trusted sweetheart Blanca" line makes absolutely no sense without any knowledge of the events leading up to the preview pages.

Furthermore, Chris promised at the end of Sonichu #9 that he would remove himself from the comics and that he'd focus solely on [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]. If he intends to use the material he's already published, he'll be breaking his promise within the first page.

===Cover art===
[[Image:SonichuCover10.jpg|thumb|**The Cover Art for Comic #10 was Wisely Picked by myself, C.W.C., and Generously Contrubed by Sonichu Fan, PandaHalo.**]]

Despite his continued support of Blanca, Chris was also embroiled in an online relationship with [[PandaHalo]], and he used her fan-art of Chris-Chan Sonichu as the cover of #10.

==Episode 21: Christian Chandler in Director Amenities==

{{Ongoing}}
The comic begins by recapping [[Wild]] and [[Magi-Chan]]'s effort to rescue Chris from the [[Time Void]]. However there is a bit more dialogue than the the [[Sonichu 9]] version, including Chris stating that he now has a new future wife named [[Lovely Weather]]. Chris then goes on to reveal that he [[Kacey Call|tricked his future wife into thinking he was his future self]], and then [[rape|fucked his future wife]] while his future self was at work.

He proceeds to textwall again, revealing that, in the future, scientists have almost discovered the cure for [[homos]]exuality, but require pure, heterosexual blood to complete the formula. Chris volunteers for this procedure, apparently because there are no 100% heterosexuals 6 years in the future. Keep in mind that Chris himself still exists at this time, yet it seems they can't use Future Chris's blood for [[Homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|some reason]]. After receiving the cure and finding out it worked, he grabbed two of the syringes, planning to use one to turn Reldnahc back into Naitsirhc, whose one true love, [[Kel]] (?!) is worried sick about. He entrusts Magi-Chan with one of the <s>Sonichu Balls</s> Chaotic Crystals and a mission: go back to 2015, grab one of the crates containing the cure and return to the present with them, putting them with their stockpiles of today (thus causing a time paradox and, even worse for him, restoring his virginity!) Using the boosted Magi-Chan, he calls out to a number of people to begin the mission of correcting the usage of his real-life problems today: He calls out to Allison Amber and BILLY MAYS (apparently the couple here) to load up [[Son-Chu]] with his [[PS3]], ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' and the instruments and head for the 4-Cent Garbage HQ; he tells [[Patti-chan]] that Sonichu's coming to pick up the other five Chaotic Crystals and to move the still-trapped [[Crystal]] over to his office near his desk; he tells Sonichu to get said Crystals and meet him at [[4chan|4-Cent Garbage]]'s HQ by 2:30; and finally, he tells [[Blake]] and [[Punchy]] to also head for the HQ. Chris also lets Wild in on the action. With everything set up, Chris transforms in Chris-Chan Sonichu and we're at where we left off from [[Sonichu 9]].

[[Image:DevilTrolls.JPG|thumb|left|Devil trolls, in all their disgusting glory.]]

Chris, first, makes a stop a building where he keeps all his Sonichu-related gear (it says it was hosted by Tripod, one of the original websites where he hosted his stuff). He enters to find his stuff safe and sound... until the Devil [[Trolls]] emerge, resembling winged, evil Troll dolls. Chris goes on the attack, swatting many of them away. The troll's flesh-colored tails look suspiciously like [[pickle|penises]], especially when Chris [[homos#Evidence that Chris is a homo|grabs one by the tail]], sending a pleasurable wave of electricity through the creature, causing its tail to become stiff and erect.

Chris manages to defeat all the devil trolls and proceeds to go on a lengthy, pointless rant/ad for the videogame "Fairytale Fights." He then explains, [[fail|as best he can]], the ESRB rating system, such as "M" being for "Moof" and how one shouldn't "be a Moof or aloof" and "keep it "E" or "T" for your children". He clarifies that, even though he wants others to stick to E or T-rated games, he admits that he has played and enjoyed ''[[Brutal Legend]]'', though it's not clear whether he now considers himself a Moof, or perhaps even aloof. He than proceeds to teleport his useless Sonichu-related crap into his Mayoral office. After that, he creates a Lightning Bomb, performs <s>Chaos</s> Chaotic Control to teleport away from the building (why?!), erects a barrier around the building and blows it up! He, then, claims that Tripod didn't have good security and had no support for Flash programs. A message in Japanese characters listed as a "controversial statement!" is seen to the right.

Chris, then burns down the bridge to Tripod (as he claims), then proceeds to do a set of tasks, including setting up his fated first date with Lovely, whose revealed to be a busty, brown-haired girl, then to set up everything for the [[CWCipedia]] before talking to his Board of Directors, whom he literally towers over before heading on to Tennessee. [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] rapidly advances on the [[4-cent_garbage.com]] building in Clarksville, Tennessee. Observing Chris on an HD-TV hooked up to a [[Hex Bawx]], the evil [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] prepares to spring a trap for the autistic furfag.

Apropos of nothing, a large sign hanging from the monitor informs the reader that Chris endorses Blu-Ray discs, apparently unaware that the HD format war ended prior to this comic's creation. Chris also includes a plug for ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' ([[gay|yay!]]), delivered by the game's mascot, Sackboy. Sackboy commands the readers to purchase the game and play Chris's Sonichu level, even if they have to buy a PS3 to do so. He further warns gamers against using illegal copies of ''LittleBigPlanet'' for [[Nintendo|Wii]] or Xbox360, as if these even existed. Chris arrives at the front door to the building and waits for [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] to arrive with Chris's Autobot, Son-Chu, his PS3, and his ''Guitar Hero'' [[guitar]]. Somehow convinced all this shit will help him wage war against the building, Chris waits patiently, which makes you wonder why he bothered showing up early in the first place.

Inside, Jason uses an illegal Xbox copy of ''LittleBigPlanet'' to create a cage over Chris, and drops it on his head. Chris-Chan attempts to spin-dash his way out with his Sonichu powers, but the cage is too strong. With Chris-Chan's hedgehog speed neutralized, Jason's lackey, [[Beel]] uses a red tractor beam of some kind to target Chris's transformation spot, reverting him to his human form of [[Christian Weston Chandler]]. This causes his [[Medallion]] to re-materialize, and Beel's beam drags it away from Chris's body and into his waiting hand. Beel absorbs the Medallion into his hand, but feels no increase in his own power. Inside the cage, Chris notices his [[High School Ring]] sparking with energy. Sprouting [[fangs]] of confidence, Chris putts on his [[glasses]] and aims his ring at Beel, teleporting the Sonichu Medallion to his trusted [[Sweetheart]], [[Blanca]] (which is hilarious, especially after the additions). Chris explains that his high school ring was the source of his powers all along, and he uses it to transform back into Chris-Chan Sonichu. With a Hyper Beam attack, he blasts through the cage, blowing Beel into the 4-cent_garbage building.

The final page of the preview shows a photo of [[Jimmy Hill]], who is also struck by the Hyper Beam. His teeth are destroyed in the attack, and [[Bugs Bunny]] appears to scold him. Sonichu makes his lone appearance to shake his clenched fist and growl "Jimmy!!" Also, a hedgehog or something says "Dinsdale", which probably causes [[Monty Python]] fags to cream their jeans or something. Chris closes with a warning not to buy any merchandise from Jimmy Hill.

While waiting for the rest to show up, Chris-Chan Sonichu meditates, not knowing that [[Naitsirhc]] is sneaking up behind him, planning to smack him with a plank. Chris-Chan suddenly develops Newtype abilities, senses the attack and blocks it. Naitsirhc decides that it's time to end everything and plans to turn Christian evil and [[homo|gay]]. Christian, on the other hand, says the reverse, that it's the end of evil and homosexuality. The two [[sonichus]] fight it out until the two of them hit each other in their weak spots, and both are flung to the pavement. Naitsirhc manages to get up and prepare a finishing move, as Chris surreptitiously prepares a hypodermic needle while feigning unconsciousness. Naitsirhc asks Chris if he has any last words. Chris, pretending to be a badass, says "Only three words..."

He then rises up and with great fury stabs Naitsirhc, not in the heart, but straight in his Black Sonichu Medallion. With a big "NOOOOO!", Naitsirhc transforms back into the totally straight Reldnahc Giovanni, while Chris says the [[lies|completely non homoerotic]] phrase, '''"Drink My [[semen|Blood!]]"''' As he teleports Reldnahc to [[Kel]]'s waiting bedside, he laments that Naitsirhc never [[Sonichu 6|never wore a shirt]], but is glad the evil homo is gone. He also comments that Kel is looking very nice these days, but he never actually draws her into the strip because she's a [[women's rights|lowly woman]] and he has to save screentime for [[Chris and his ego|himself]] and his army of [[Sonichu (species)|recolors]]. At the same time, Son-Chu, Sonichu, Blake and Wild arrive. As they set up their ''Guitar Hero'' gear, Sonichu notices something on Chris's guitar - the [[PaRappa the Rapper]] cap. Sonichu puts it on and turns 2D. When Chris grabs his guitar, his [[Amnyfest Ring|ring]] reacts, turning back to his real life self to talk about laundry and [[lie]] about a [[sweetheart|relationship]] he doesn't get then quickly dismiss it. Another Son-Chu transformation (its page ''reused'' from Episode 20), and it seems that Chris has gathered the [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|Hedgehog Boys]] to rock out... and Chris's legs seem to deform at the knees as well. The next page is a doctored picture of Chris because he's too lazy to draw anything else at the moment. Chris looks particularly bored in this picture, really distracting from the intended drama of the moment.

[[Image:ClydeJackGay.JPG|thumb|Artist's depiction of Clyde and Jack's final moments.]]

The song they start to play is [[Power Rangers|"Revive Zordon"]], a particularly horrible song to the tune of "Cat Scratch Fever" extolling the superiority of the original Power Rangers over the later iterations. As Chris [[fail|rocks out]], Beel (who's suddenly alive), [[Clyde Cash]] (who's making his first official appearance in the comics) and [[Jack Thaddeus]] (who's making his first appearance here) warn [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] that the building can't take this kind of rock and say they must escape. <strike>Chris, portraying</strike> Jason tells the three that, yes, he is escaping and retiring to a two-story house in the suburbs. He, then, tells them that he's STRAIGHT and that he doesn't want to be involved in the slandering and mockery anymore. As he escapes, <strike>Chris portraying</strike> Beel decides to abandon those two for being homosexual and for slandering and mocking an innocent man. With no choice left, and in perhaps the only remotely touching moment in ''Sonichu'', Jack and Clyde hold hands like true <s>Americ</s>an heroes as <strike>Chris portrays them</strike> they express their deep remorse for slandering Chris and making [[homos]] look even worse than they already are, before leaping down the 72 story elevator shaft as Chris and the crew proceed with their plan to murder every single living thing in the building. For someone who has dealt with [[Ivy|suicide]] personally, Chris is awfully supportive of it as a means of eliminating his greatest enemies without getting his hands dirty.

As the building fell, it is said that there were about 1500 [[trolls|people]] in the building during the collapse. Those closest to the ground got out scot-free. 250 trolls got out safely when Chris and his crew went to save them. 250 other trolls were too [[alcohol|drunk]] to get out. Of those 125 trolls were either injured or dead, along with another 125 sober. Of the remaining 500, 250 were safe, 150 injured and 100 dead. [[fail|Note that although Chris states that there were 1500 people in the building, this only adds up to 1375.]] A memorial would be put up in the ruins and [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and 4-Cent Garbage would lose its data and "never return", despite the fact that they ''probably'' had back ups. [[Twin Falling Towers|This is not the first time one of Chris's anti-troll diatribes has twisted the imagery of a collapsing building that killed hundreds of people to his own selfish purposes.]]

[[Image:NoMoreHomos.jpg|thumb|left|Depiction of Mayor Chandler's success in ''poisoning'' the city's water supply. Wait, what?]]Ignoring this little bit to put the spotlight back on him, Chris laments on how those there wasted their talents for trolling, comparing them to ''[[Wikipedia:TMZ|TMZ]]''. It quickly goes into a non sequitur, where it shows cameras focusing on [[Women's rights|Rosechu on the toilet inserting a tampon]], [[Rosechu]] and Sonichu in the middle of some bondage deal and filming Robbie talking about [[Random-access humor|how he pissed on a lizard]]. Before it goes any further, Magi-Chan returns from screwing with the timestream and [[Mailbag 31|being Big Brother]]. Upon returning, Magi-Chan declares that testing on the vaccine is a success and that he brought the crates to the present and are sending them across on trucks. It is said that one Feburary 24th, 2009, homosexuality will be eradicated and the day will be called [[Chris and his Ego|"Christian Love Day"]]. He also says that Silvana will eventually be returned to a TRUE and [[HONEST]] female from [[GodJesus]] and [[Fail|fall in love with Magi-Chan]].

All of a sudden, [[Family Guy|Meg Griffin]] shows up and says that she's a [[fail|fan of the comic series]]. As they talk, a guy walks up and taunts Meg, calling her a 'sir' - which is common for Meg. Chris stands up for her and the guy insults Chris instead. Chris flips his lid and [[Chris and anger|sucker punches the guy]]. Meg thanks him by kissing Chris, cheating on his future wife AGAIN. As they leave, it's revealed that Meg was actually [[Silvana]] in disguise, commenting on how easy it was to troll him. Yes, Chris did just depict himself making out with someone who has a penis, why do you ask?

After taking the time to grovel at his fans for the past comic and begging them not to abandon him, he and Sonichu take the Sonichu Ball Crystal things and transform into [[Collosal Chan]] and [[Ultra Sonichu]]. After transforming, Chris decides to go back to CWCVille, but tells Ultra Sonichu to head for RuleCWC with Darkbind Sonichu before heading for [[Asperchu|Minnesota]] and wait for him. Back in CWCVille, Chris enters the [[Dark Mirror Hole]] and rescues Crystal from the mirror with all the fanfare of picking up a bag of groceries. As Crystal comes to, Allison says that she's called the paramedics to look after her. For some reason Crystal refers to Christian as "Christopher", though it's not clear if this is meant to be some kind of sign between the siblings, or if Chris just forgot about his [[The Bear|name change]].

Meanwhile in RuleCWC, Darkbind Sonichu is kneeling by Zelina Rosechu when Ultra Sonichu arrives, striking the same pose as Jesus Christ on the Cross. In "Da Cave", a stone breaks open and someone, possibly Clawdorf, realizes the Chaotic Crystals freed him... then asks how long he was out. That's right: the act of Chris and Sonichu activating their super forms allows a vaguely defined evil force to escape imprisonment. It's not like Chris and Sonichu ''needed'' to transform, either. The greatest threat to CWCville at the moment is Chris himself as he [[Twin Falling Towers|destroys various buildings]] with the power of [[fail|rock]]. Sonichu uses his power to revive Zelina, who acts like the rest of the vapid rosechus over what Darkbind did for her. This rescue complete, Ultra Sonichu races out, but not before he "coles" the window hatch.

[[Image:DBNT2G_police.jpg|thumb|right|Chris could have picked ''Mass Effect 2'' when lusting after a dating game. Instead, he consciously chose ''this.'' Not entirely unforeseen!]]
In Minnesota, Collosal Chan and Ultra Sonichu hover over the house of Alec Benson Leary, and break in. Discovering Alec's computer (which is revealed to be a [[Hex_bawx|HEX BAWX]] "Pavillion"; note Chris's computer is an [[Wikipedia:HP Pavilion (computer)|HP Pavillion]]), Chris [[Chris and sex|inserts his finger]] into a USB port, then concentrates and rips off ''Shadow the Hedgehog'' by placing himself inside the computer. Once inside, Chris proceeds to delete all files within the [[Asperpedia]], ban Mao, Sean, [[Evan]] and Alec, the delete their accounts. He, then, steals a "better dating simulator" (likely [http://news.vgchartz.com/news.php?id=6182 "Don't Be Nervous Talking to Girls"]) with the retarded intention to modify it for PS3 use, as though XBox owners don't deserve a shitty dating simulator before he escapes, planting another Lightning Bomb to blow up the HEX BAWX. While Chris was doing this, Ultra Sonichu enters Alec's room, commenting on the [[Chris and art|bad art]] from the Asperchu series. While the art in Asperchu is hardly professional grade, at the very least it shows some understanding of perspective, proportion, and pacing. If anything it looks like a moderately skilled artist who just happens to be drawing very quickly, whereas Sonichu looks like it's drawn by a [[Christian Weston Chandler|retarded child]]. While investigating the dirty room, Ultra Sonichu overhears people talking and, upon leaving, discovers Asperchu and his variation of the Chaotic Combo, whom are tired of his world's mall. Upon seeing him, the Sonichu and Rosechu start going off into a nearly god-like praise for the [[Honest Content|TRUE and HONEST]] Sonichu. The malformed beasts then proceed to tell Ultra Sonichu how Alec infected them all with Asperger's and pushed homosexuality on them and that they had real names before Alec gave them the names of the Chaotic Combo. Ultra Sonichu then uses his powers to cure them of Asperger's, transforming them into Michael, Bobby, Kitty, Trisha, Whisp and Swift (all of whom will never appear again). Asperchu then turns into a muscle-bound Sonichu known as Mitch. As thanks, Sonichu tells them not to listen to Alec and his group and just live free. As he does, Chris blows up the HEX BAWX.

At this point the group literally [[Chris and his ego|bows down before Chris]] and Sonichu, before Chris politely informs them that he's not God; simply a representative of God. Metal Asperchu then shows up and assaults the group. Chris creates a barrier, though he doesn't bother to use his nigh-omnipotence to destroy the enemy or send him to the [[The Moon|Goddamn moon]] and instead forces the non-chaotic Combo to combine their powers of [[fail]] to defeat the creature. With that out of the way, they Thank Chris again for being so awesome, then spot Asperchu creator Alec Benson Leary off-screen, and go to [[death threats|physically assault him]]. Chris has never seen an actual picture of Alec, and so he is never seen. Ultra Sonichu somehow knows that Alec has a group of rosechus locked in his basement, and Chris nonchalantly decides to go ahead and use his powers to rescue them as well.

Page 65 is a wall of text so mindbogglingly long and retarded that Chris has to cut his way out from the previous page (or something) to cram a picture. The tl;dr of it is an attempt to once again retcon everything his characters have done in anyone else's comics, reaffirming their sexuality, sweethearts, occupations, and rebuking any characterizations that say otherwise, in an attempt to absolutely distinguish that his Sonichu is unrelated to Asperchu in any way. He finishes by stating that his characters will never go to Minnesota, nor interact with any Mitch/Asperchu unless he says so. He then thanks the readers.

Impatient, Ultra Sonichu asks Great Director Chris if they can continue with the story.

Back in Cwcville, the Chaotic Combo and others sit at a table talking about why they hate the Asperpedia comics so much. This includes insulting the art, the mischaracterizations, and intellectual property rights. [[Simonla]] specifically denounces [[Evan]] (who has been trying to convince Chris to remove her from the comic via the [[mailbag]] for weeks), who retconned her as a female clone of [[Simonchu]] in his own comic. [[Allison Amber]] speaks poorly of [[Fan:Moon-Pals|Moon-Pals]], but can't seem to offer any specific complaints about the series. Crystal asks the group to calm down and wait for Chris to return, so that he can tell the president, and have Asperpedia taken down. Magi-chan ominously (well, retardedly) hints that Chris's will has to be done, lest the Cwcville, and possibly the world, fall into total chaos and anarchy. For some reason, Thomas Jefferson's house was used as an example of the structural damage that would be incurred.

As is common for Chris, the long-running plot thread about rescuing Crystal from the Dark Mirror Hole is brought up practically as an afterthought, whereas dealling with his current annoyance is given far too much detail.

Finally, Ultra Sonichu and the 4 unnamed Rosechu's supposedly from [[Chris|Alec's]] basement arrive in one of CWCville's many [[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story|soup hotel]]s. Sonichu rambles on about the concept of a soup hotel while the dirty and emaciated rosechus just stare on despondently. [[Basement Rosechus|The rosechus]], named Brit-tay, Bride, Moe and Mary, decide to live their lives <s>as vapid airheads who do nothing but simper over sonichus</s> the way they should. Ultra Sonichu helps Mary into a wheelchair and flies off. As he leaves, he runs into [[Inos]], a very high [[niggo]], obviously another satisfied customer of [[Yawning Squirtle]]. He offers Ultra Sonichu some weed, but he declines. The guy tells Sonichu he's been fighting a cold for five years and Sonichu thinks it's because of the nicotine (yes, folks. The man's high and Chris thinks it's because of tobacky!). He has Magi-Chan summon [[Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez|some cops]] to slap him on the wrist for smoking, put him in the soup house and put his stash in the NASA rocket set for [[the Moon]], where [[Fan: Moon-Pals|certain people will know how to use it better]]. Flying to the highest point of CWCVille, Ultra Sonichu uses Chaotic Control to free every [[Jerkop]] in the city.

Meanwhile, Collosal Chan confronts [[Slaweel Ryam]] in the [[PVCC]]. There, Slaweel tells her sob story about how she was an outcast, how she tried to cause others the same misfortune as some means for Chris to justify the running plot thread of Mary and her Jerkops had been somehow trying to stop TRUE and HONEST love and keep VIRGINIA for VIRGINS. [[Count Graduon]] had told her he could help her, but that obviously [[fail]]ed. Slaweel gives Chris Graduon's wand and tells him to smash it, her boobs apparently inflating to the levels of [[Mary Lee Walsh#Fan art|Troll fan art]] as she does. Chris looks at it like an idiot and does so without a second thought. With that, Chris goes into a spiel in which he complains about how he's never had any luck with trying to find someone himself and how he cursed the male population for it. He creates [[Things Chris has ripped off|electric versions of Kratos's blades]] before declaring that he will kill Slaweel and never forgive her. The two start fighting and, of course, Chris gets the upper hand, reflecting Slaweel's attacks back at her before deftly defeating her. Because Chris is so paranoid about people getting the "wrong" impression about him, he clarifies that Mary is only paralyzed, and not outright killed.

With Slaweel defeated, Chris goes on to make a public announcement, mentioning that Slaweel has been put in a maximum security prison, with her ex-manajerks being released free of charges. He also goes on to allow homosexuality in CWCVille, but makes marriage illegal. He appoints Crystal head of social relations to try to make things better. As he talks, admitting [[Asperchu|Alec]] had a bigger fan base, [[Simonla]] goes to the bathroom, leaving [[Wild]] to tend to their egg. ''Deus Ex Machina'' that he is, Magi-Chan stops [[Evan]] and [[Simonchu]] from killing Simonla, but isn't able to stop [[Fan: Moon-Pals|Sean]] from planting Toilet Exploding Voltorb, which detonates and hits Simonla while she's taking a piss. The police and medics race to deal with the aftermath, with Magi-Chan handing Evan and Simonchu over to the police. As Wild tends to Simonla, she gives him her "lucky shark's tooth" (aka the drill pendant Chris stole from Evan's Simoncu design (which itself was taken from Simon the driller from Gurren Lagann)). As Wild worries and everyone tries to save Simonla, things go downhill and Simonla dies. Wild is told the bad news by [[Bill the Scientist]] and plans to get revenge on Simonla's killers, only to be stopped by Magi-Chan, since the killers had all conveniently already been arrested. At that time, Simonla's egg hatches, and the first thing the Rosey asks is "Where's Mommy?" Magi-Chan, insensitive fuck that he is, tells her point blank Evan killed her. Over the week, Wild tends to the little Rosey, who quickly evolves into [[Sandy Rosechu]]. Some explanation is given for Sandy's training and home life, including a mention that she is taught English (even though she is shown to be perfectly capable of speaking full sentences at the exact moment of her birth).

The sequence of events is interspersed with Chris delivering an [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Call_6|apology]] to Alec and Evan and bestowing a Forgiveness Blessing on Mao. Both are completely undermined by the events of the next several pages, proving yet again that Chris [[Chris_and_remorse#Motivation_to_apologize|views an apology purely as a way to get people off his back]].

Time then jumps ahead to the trial of CWCVille versus Alec, Sean, Evan and Mao. Presided by Judge Slack Lewis, he calls for attorney [[Harvey Birdman|Marvey Blaziken]] to make the opening statements. Although the four are ostensibly on trial for the murder of Simonla, <s>Chris</s> Marvey makes sure to tack on a long list of charges related to the existence of the Asperpedia, such as plagiarism, mockery, [[Chris_and_hypocrisy#.22Don.27t_be_a_moof_or_aloof.22_.E2.80.94_Mature_content|gory pages]], and all that fucking swearing. Sean, acting as defense lawyer, makes an opening statement while high. The judge asks for order in the court and Sean orders [[fail|a beer float and pot stickers]]. All four enter a plea of not guilty and are summarily convicted based on the existence of their respective comics, the remote control for the deadly Voltorb, and Magi-Chan's mind-reading abilities. They're then sentenced to be [[Chris_and_hypocrisy#.22I_would_have_them_ESS-acuted.21.22_.E2.80.94_Capital_Punishment|executed]] by those they hurt.

Alec is first, put on the Ten-Button Electric Chair. Each button is pressed by Chris or one of the hedgehogs, each one dwelling on how they were portrayed in Asperchu - meaning Alec is flash-fried (!!) for daring to write a comic. Evan is chained to a wall and drilled to bits by the infant Sandy (!!!), who keeps his glasses as a trophy (nothing fucked up there). Sean is shot to death by Allison, Bill and Kelly (!!!!) and finally Chris ''breaks Mao with his psychic powers'' (!!!!!), making this the bloodiest comic ever, despite Chris stating just ''pages'' earlier that the rampant gore in the Asperpedia was practically criminatl.

The comic ends with a page dedicating the book to [[PandaHalo]] and includes her original fanart and a page from her comic.

==Reaction==

===Preview===
As Chris became increasingly determined to convince the public that his Medallion had never been successfully stolen, the trolls posing as Blanca responded with photos and videos to support their claims. Finally, the medallion was destroyed on a video uploaded to [[YouTube]] on 20 October 2008.<ref>[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-TP2wCucZo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-TP2wCucZo]</ref>

===Simonla's Death===
On 13 Feburary 2010, Chris e-mailed [[Evan]], revealing two pages that is slated to appear in Sonichu 10. In these pages, it shows Chris (who obviously is NOT pulling himself out of the comic) reveal that [[Asperchu]] is not as bad as it seems and he begs for forgiveness from Evan and the rest. As he speaks, [[Simonla]] asks [[Wild]] to hold her bags as she goes to the bathroom. In the bathroom, the toilet she's in explodes. They find Simonla and she isn't doing well. She hands Wild her <s>special drill bit</s> lucky shark's tooth before [[Bill the Scientist|Bill the <s>Scientist</s>Doctor]] tells Wild that she died. (In the explosion scene, only the bathroom door is shown, and Simonla's death is not actually shown on page. This directly contradicts the instructions Evan repeatedly gave Chris, where Simonla was supposed to die on page.) Wild mourns for one panel before Magi-Chan reveals the location of where her murderer is and Wild declares revenge.

The two pages in the preview was the end result of an ongoing tug of war between Chris and Evan over the use of Simonla Rosechu. Evan had wanted Simonla pulled out of the comics ASAP, but Chris, being [[Ego|Chris]], refused. When Evan told Chris to kill Simonla, Chris refused, stating that it [[Chris and reality|would upset Wild Sonichu]]<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>. This war of words would culminate in Evan getting the CWCipedia shut down, forcing Chris to either swallow his pride or start hunting down a new web server. Chris, lazy fuck that he is, chose the former for the benefit of mankind.

On 25 February 2010, Chris revised those pages, revealing without a doubt that it was Evan, Sean, Mao and Alec who killed her. It is yet unknown how the four will react to the end result.

==See also==
*[[Blanca]]
*[[Medallion of Fail]]
*[[Amnyfest Ring]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_1 Sonichu #10]
*[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/sonichu/SchuComic10Preview.htm Sonichu #10 Preview]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgLZjhsmgpY Audiobook (erroneously referred to as a preview of #9)]
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/Ickeriss69 Youtube profile containing three videos proving the fate of the original Sonichu Medallions] 

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Sonichu comic book issues]]

February 2010

2010-02-25T16:48:55Z

Kettle5000: /* Events of February 2010 */

At the start of the month, [[Chris]] was beginning to surrender to the forces of the [[Asperpedia]]. He entirely gave up on the hissy fits, and only made desperate, but halfhearted, apologies. After a few failed attempts to weasel his way around them, he would eventually completely submit to the demands of Alec Benson Leary and [[Evan]], and he promised to kill off [[Simonla]] and at least show a bit higher tolerance towards the Asperchu ads on the [[CWCipedia]].

While he delivered on the first promise, the second quickly started to cause him [[stress]], since Alec started to use the ad space for his new comic, [[Sonichu Revolution]], which harshly criticizes Chris's [[hypocrisy]], [[Women's rights|sexism]], [[Copyright|intellectual property theft]] and the other kinds of [[Chris and reality|stupid]] [[Death threats|behavior]] and [[Chris and religion|beliefs]] he exhibits on a regularly basis.

In a typical Chris-like fashion, this criticism went completely over his head, and his reason for not liking Sonichu Revolution is the violence and it's similarity to Sonichu.

The official Sonichu comic has been moving very slowly forward throughout the month since all the stress from following the demands from Alec caused Chris to crash into slumber again. This also led to an almost complete neglect of the mailbag, and when Chris finally came back to answer the letters, [[Mailbag 52|his responses were far from adequate]].

Chris recovered just in time for his birthday, which he started off with a [[Christian Love Day (video)|shameless display of self-praising]].

Chris has also begun to write character bios on CWCipedia, in which he acknowledge some details trolls have known for ages, such as [[Blake|Sonichu's evilness]].

==Events of February 2010==

[[Image:Irony.png|thumb|right|Oh, the irony.]]
[[Image:RosechuTheIncredibleLioness.jpg|thumb|On '''18 February 2010''', Chris uploads a bunch of Rosechu art that he drew in [[2008]].]]

* 1 February - The SysOp uploads [[Mailbag 52]], Chris answers [[Mailbag 51]] and Chris uploads a [[CWC_address_to_Royal_Board|new video]] addressing the "Royal Board of Certification" in London then uploads [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|another video]] Curse-ye-ha-me-haing Mao for his Asperchu ads and then then [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|apologizes to Alec and Evan]], but not Mao or Sean.
* 2 February - The Sysop uploads [[Mailbag 53]]. Chris uses his [[CWC Blog|blog]] to tell his nonexistent personal army to email Mao about the new ads.
* 3 February - The Sysop uploads [[Mailbag 54]].
* 4 February - The Sysop uploads [[Mailbag 55]], in which Chris gets a conditional date offer from a deceased porn star.
* 5 February - Chris changes his featured quote to reflect his current status of not being dead.
* 5 February - Chris uploads a [[5 February 2010|pair of videos]] in which he assures YouTube that he is alive, offers to kill off [[Simonla Rosechu|Simonla]], and talks about rape and hamsters.
* 6 February - [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Main_Page&action=edit The CWCipedia is locked to edits] due to a cease and desist regarding [[Simonla Rosechu]].
* 8 February - The [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Main_Page CWCipedia] is wiped out, replaced by a link to [[Asperpedia]]. However, due to a bug, it redirects to an MMO game ''Dogs of the Seas''.
* 9 February - Chris makes a video about how the Mao, Alec, Evan and Sean have [[9 February 2010|destroyed the undestroyable.]]
* 9 February - Mao leaks [[Alec_Benson_Leary_Phone_Calls|seven phone conversations]] between Alec and Chris.
* 11 February - Chris once again makes a scene in Family Guy when [[Meg Griffin]] is a hot chick the featured video on his [[Youtube]] page, but is taken down due to a [[copyright]] claim from Twentieth Century Fox.
* 13 February - Evan releases [http://www.hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Guest_Comic_By_Christopher_Christian_Ricardo_Weston_Chandler the Simonla death pages].
* 14 February - CWCipedia is back to normal, but with adverts to Sonichu Revolution up.
* 14 February - A third page of [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Main_Page Sonichu Revolution] is added. Chris updates his [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Template:Captain's_Log blog].
* 14 February - Chris promotes Sonichu using the [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Template:Featured_CWC-Supported_Advertisment "Got milk?" campaign], but as usual does not have permission to use the phrase from the party behind the copyrighted quote.
* 14 February - Chris ''barely'' answers [[Mailbag 52]], and [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag_51&curid=2090&diff=3840&oldid=3819 amends] his comment on gay soldiers.
* 14 February - Chris posts a new Captains Log blog post, in which he claims to have found a "girl friend".
* 16 February - Chris adds a [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Character_Bios Character Bio page] which still includes Simonla and BILLY MAYS. A fourth page of Sonichu Revolution is added.
* 17 February - Chris answers [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Mailbag_53 Mailbag 53]; the Sysop uploads [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Mailbag_57 Mailbag 57]. A fifth page of Sonichu Revolution is added.
* 18 February - Chris uploads [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_75 Page 75], and a terribly formatted page for [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Rosechu Rosechu]. A sixth and seventh page of Sonichu Revolution is added.
* 18 February - An [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|eighth]] phone conversation between Alec and Chris is leaked.
* 23 February - Chris post the video [[Christian Love Day (video)|Christian Love Day]] only to prove how [[Chris and his Ego|megalomaniacal]] he really is.
* 24 February - Chris posts a new video where he transforms from his obese, ugly self into a skinny, handsome stranger.
* 25 February - Chris uploads [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_79/ pages 78 to 98 of Sonichu 10], killing off [[Simonla Rosechu]] and Alec, Evan, Sean and Mao in his bloodiest comic yet.

{{protip|If you're adding new events, be sure to add them to [[:Template:Da update|da update]] if they are not there already.}}

{{timeline}}

Template:Da update

2010-02-25T16:48:19Z

Kettle5000: added 25 February page dump

<center>[[Image:News.jpg]]</center>
* 25 February - Chris uploads [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_78/ pages 78 to 98 of Sonichu 10], killing off [[Simonla Rosechu]] and Alec, Evan, Sean and Mao in his bloodiest comic yet.
* 24 February - Chris releases a new video, [[Magical Man Potion]], which features a very special guest star. Later, Chris releases [[PS3 Tutorial for my fans|another video]] with his secret mystery guest.
* 24 February - Chris transforms from a 27 year old virgin, into a 28 year old one.
* 23 February - Chris launches Christian Love Day with an [[Christian Love Day (video)|opening video]].
* 18 February - An [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|eighth]] phone conversation between Alec and Chris is leaked.
* 14 February - [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Main_Page CWCipedia] is back to normal, but with adverts for (and a fantastically gory new page from) [[Fan:Sonichu Revolution|Sonichu Revolution]].
* 13 February - Evan releases [http://www.hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Guest_Comic_By_Christopher_Christian_Ricardo_Weston_Chandler the Simonla death pages].
* 12 February - The [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Main_Page CWCipedia] is brought back from the dead; however, it is currently only a page of Alec's Sonichu Revolution.

('''[[{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}|more...]]''')

<noinclude>[[Category: Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Sandy Rosechu

2010-02-25T16:38:02Z

Kettle5000: Added more details from Sonichu 10

[[Image:SandyRosechu.jpg|right|thumb|D'aww! She's just so cute before violently ripping [[Evan]] to shreds with her bare hands!]]
{{Squote|1=Yay! This soft sand is fun! [[Pedofork|Thank you, daddy!]]|2=Sandy|3=[[Sonichu 10]]|size=300%|Color=black}}
'''Sandy Rosechu''' is the daughter of Simonla Rosechu, with many of the same design elements, making her [[Simonla Rosechu#Development|yet another kludge of a certain Chu]]. For whatever reason, she is able to harbour a desire for revenge and ninja-skills at a very young age, but she still has no discernable personality traits from the other [[Rosechu (species)|mary sues]] (assuming that they have any).

==Sonichu 10==
Chris finally caved to [[Evan#Effort_to_remove_Simonla_from_Sonichu|pressure from Evan]], and agreed to kill off Simonla. He fleshed out the original [http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/File:SchuComic11P81.jpg/ death page] to reveal that [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]] and Simonla had managed to shit out an egg together. Moments later Simonla is fatally wounded in a toilet explosion, and Wild sits on the egg reminiscing about how much he and Simonla were looking forward to being parents, in an attempt to make readers care about [[Sonee & Rosey|the little blessing]]. Shortly after Simonla dies, the abomination hatches and asks where Mommy is. Ever sensitive and tactful, [[Magi-Chan]] promptly tells her that "Evan killed Mommy".

Sandy evolves into a Rosechu in less than a week, and has the intelligence of a fourth-grader by the time Evan, Alec, Mao and Sean go to trial for killing Simonla. Naturally all four are found guilty and are sentenced to be murdered in the most violent and bloody ways imaginable. Wild, responsible father that he is, encourages Sandy to brutally eviscerate Evan. Sandy does so, right after displaying serial killer tendencies by taking Evan's glasses as a trophy. The duo round off this wholesome daddy/daughter bonding activity by delivering the killer blow together.

==Future==
It remains to be seen if Sandy will be a recurring or regular character, or if she will never be heard from again.

==External Links==
[http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Issue_10/Page_1/ Sonichu #10]

{{Sonichu}}

{{stub}}

Talk:Sonichu 10

2010-02-25T15:46:30Z

Kettle5000: /* February 25 page dump. */

==Continuity==
You know, my own theory is that Chris's fucked up numbering system finally managed to confuse Chris himself and/or he just lost track. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:40, 15 March 2009 (CET)

So, if the medallion never gave him power, that means that the entire Anchuent Prophecy is null in void, and none of the events following Sonichu entering the mystic cave could have ever happened.~[[User:gourmetpickle]]

Not to mention as well that it's obvious that the "high school ring" was just made up at the last second. If his high school ring gave him the power all this time, then why did he even have the retarded medallion in the first place? Speaking of the medallion, how did he obtain it before the Anchuent Prophecy if that was a key piece in the plot? It wasn't even explained WHY he decided "Hey, I'm gonna wear a medallion of a creature before the creature is even introduced everyday for no apparent reason!" Besides that, if the ring gave the power, why is the spot where his Sonichu medallion his weak point? Following the laws of most video games (knowing Chris abides by them), when you attack the source of power on a boss enemy, that is usually their weak point. I mean, does he not even care about the story anymore? GODDAMMIT CHRIS YOU'RE MAKING ME WORSE THAN YOU WITH MY RAMBLINGS. FUCK. --[[User:Wild Sonichu|Wild Sonichu]] 04:38, 6 May 2009 (CEST)

I find the idea of continuity in ''Sonichu'' comics quite upsetting. It was as if Chris had enough forethought to plan the whole thing. He was always impulsive over the whole storyline, mostly engrossed by a quest of pitiful revenge. I am ready to bet an old 5$ bill that, if he's called over the whole lack of continuity regarding the Anchuent Prophecy, he will just make the tribe leader appear on one page and say "No, that's cool". He's a crappy storyteller, that's all. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 21:05, 9 December 2009 (CET)

Well, he's all caught up with the pages and... it's funny. He didn't change the part where he sent his medallion to his "sweetheart", Blanca... despite the fact that he just set up a date with Lovely. LOL.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 08:32, 22 December 2009 (CET)

Ya know, I just realized that his comics never had a plot up until Crystal got trapped in the mirror. Look over the comics and you'll find that this is the ONE AND ONLY ongoing conflict in the entire fucking "series". Everything else is resolved in one "episode" except for the Off target sub episodes, which was resolved in two episodes. Regardless of how little the comics after Crystal got trapped in the mirror focused on her, it's been completely about finding the Sonichu testicles to save her. Sure, he's taken the majority of the time she's been gone trying to "expand" upon his characters but like I said, saving Crystal stretched over five of his shitty comics.----rob

==Fun fact about Lovely Weather==
Chris thinks it's [[random access humor|fucking hilarious]] to sing (to the tune of "Sleigh Ride"): "Lovely Weather for a sleigh ride together with Lovely Weather for a sleigh ride together with Lovely Weather for a sleigh ride together with..." over and over. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 10:28, 9 December 2009 (CET)

*That sounds like a drag queen name. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 11:02, 9 December 2009 (CET)
**I don't understand. I'm scared.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 16:20, 9 December 2009 (CET)
**I was going to say it sounds like a show dog name, but I think I like Anaconda's comparison better --[[User:TheyCalledMeMad|TheyCalledMeMad]] 18:37, 9 December 2009 (CET)
**Lovely Weather sounds like a name I'd use for a character... which disturbs me quite deeply. Also, any idea if Lovely Weather is based on a real person (again) or if Chris is making up a codename for a future sweetheart? [[User:EnsignDisposable|EnsignDisposable]] 05:26, 10 December 2009 (CET)
*** Page 2. He claims to have took advantage of the fact that he looks like his future self, and then fucked His future self's wife while his future self was at work. Yeah. --[[User:Beat|Beat]] 04:52, 10 December 2009 (CET)
**** This is the disgusting part. How creepy it is to have sex with your own future wife? And what about the whole Episode 19 "God-Jesus Says Ivy&Chris 4EVAH"? How pissed God should be that Ivy is dead and Chris's first thought out of the void was to tell all about the nookie he had with a married wife. Not much Christian values here ...[[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 05:35, 10 December 2009 (CET)
*** Also, this makes it that he's no longer a virgin in the comics, is the biggest single departure from RealChris yet. Even all his other victories were somehow unsuccessful in some way. [[User:EnsignDisposable|EnsignDisposable]] 05:26, 10 December 2009 (CET)
*** Chris understands time travel as Futurama presented it; X has always happened and/or will always happen. PresentChris took advantage of his future wife; FutureChris is this same Chris who 6 years ago took advantage of his resembling a married man to bed that man's wife. I guess Chris thinks it's justified because Lovely later married him. Just ''something'' about the whole situation is wrong, but due to the mechanics of time travel, pinning down exactly what is hard. --[[User:OFSheep|OFSheep]] 02:25, 11 December 2009 (CET)
::* But, that's the thing: In Futurama, it was the ''past'', not the ''future'' where it occurred. If I remember correctly, Fry had accidentally vaporized the man who he thought was his grandfather and ended up boffing his grandmother. He didn't realize until Farnsworth told him that HE was his own ''grandfather''. Chris essentially screwed up the entire premise by going into the future. He won't have any direct affect to his ''present''.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 02:32, 11 December 2009 (CET)
::* Perhaps because she married the Chris of her present, not the Chris of 6 years previous? I mean, who you are as a person is a function of time; I don't really feel like I'm the same person I was 6 years ago. A lot has changed since then. The fact of the matter is that the Chris she took to be her husband wasn't the real Chris she knew and married. It may as well have been someone in a full-body Chris suit, because one would assume that the Chris of 2009 to be different in mind than the Chris of 2015, though, the ever-ignorant manchild... maybe that's not a good assumption. --[[User:Tristran|Tristran]] 02:37, 11 December 2009 (CET)
:::*I think that's why one could argue it's rape if past Chris presents himself as future Chris, as they could be totally different people. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 20:43, 16 December 2009 (CET)
:::* Try comparing Chris between now and when he started the comic and try seeing how changed he is.[/sarcasm, sort of] --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 02:45, 11 December 2009 (CET)
:::* More likely, Lovely Weather saw through Chris' deception but didn't care because future chris was fatter and completely bald. [[User:V3N0M1300|V3N0M1300]] 03:24, 1 January 2010 (CET)
:::* Or there was a kinky time-travel threesome between Lovely and both Chrises. It's not masturbation if it's sex with yourself. --[[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 17:47, 31 January 2010 (UTC)

==How to incorporate preview?==
Any suggestions on how to discuss the preview, since we'll be approaching the point where the preview is incorporated into the regular storyline? --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 20:43, 16 December 2009 (CET)

i say we merge it with the regular episode description once Chris Manages to reach it.

i'm sure that's what Chris will do anyway, and when the time comes to merge them we'll use the preview section as a Christory lesson on how he put up the preview, and what pages the preview took place in. --[[User:Homor|Homor]] 12:06, 17 December 2009 (CET)

== Japanese message ==

: A message in Japanese characters listed as a "controversial statement!" is seen to the right.
OK, I know next to nothing about Japanese. I punched "controversial" in WWWJDIC and it says 問題発言 is "problematical statement; controversial statement". Which kind of looks like the marks which Chris's artistic pencil left on the paper, hence scanned and uploaded and now troubling our retinas. Now, the question remains: Which episode of Excel-Saga was this ripped off from? I still haven't watched all of them. (And if it's not from Excel-Saga: sorry, ''I just got this weird feeling that it could be from there.'' I can't really explain it.) --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 00:40, 22 December 2009 (CET)

The first episode. IIRC it's from Excel saying that manga artists are scum so who cares if they die, or something to that effect. Then, it was funny because it was prominent and after an actually controversial statement. Here? Pure, glorious shit. --[[User:OFSheep|OFSheep]] 02:32, 22 December 2009 (CET)

==Cogsdev is a gal-pal now?==

I... don't know what to think about this. --[[User:OFSheep|OFSheep]] 02:40, 23 December 2009 (CET)
*wut now? --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 14:22, 1 January 2010 (CET)

==Plagiarism to the EXTREME==

This is interesting... or not, but even still. It seems that Chris is really pushing the tracing deals to the extreme here. [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Image:SchuComic10P12.jpg|the picture of Chris-Chan Sonichu] was apparently [http://legi0n.789chan.org/cwc/res/9184.html|traced from a piece of Sonic fan art], as well [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/images/thumb/1/1f/SchuComic10P22.jpg/512px-SchuComic10P22.jpg| the first two fight "panels"] were ripped from a fight scene from the Archie Sonic comic "Super Sonic vs. Hyper Knuckles". Maybe I've missed some others earlier (basically scared to look back), but this is probably the worse I've seen Chris rip off stuff in his comic (in terms of scenes, not ideas). --[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 09:02, 27 December 2009 (CET)

== Popit tool. ==

I know no one probably gives a shit but the "beams" that Jason, Beel and Chris use are the popit tool from little big planet. It was tough to tell what it was until I actually played LBP and recognized that the menu Jason is fiddling with is the tool menu from the stage creation mode.

Cept Jason and Beel use a red popit tool, Chris uses a red one yet it is only blue in the games. Just pointing Stupid shit out guys. Happy new year.--[[User:Rob|Rob]] 09:50, 1 January 2010 (CET)rob

**Actually, the color it appears in the game is based on the color the player uses for their Sackboy. Conceivably it could be one of the many colors from the game, including red. It just happens to be red here because red is "evil" and Chris is a moron. [[User:Inkmonkey|Inkmonkey]] 00:08, 26 January 2010 (UTC)

==Page 29==
Chris looks so bored. Also, how little effort could this possibly take? Seeing this page just fills me with hate and anger.--[[User:OFSheep|OFSheep]] 16:45, 5 January 2010 (UTC)

==Pages 30-34==
God DAMN. I just ''love'' how Chris writes his characters ''not'' as actual characters, but as ''mouthpieces'' for his own self! I mean, look at Jason! In Issue 8, Jason says that he doesn't want to take down Chris's ED page and is willing to launch a pickle at Rosechu, yet here, he condemns Jack and Clyde for being homo trolls and decides to retire away. Then, BEEL, of all people, condemns THEM for being homo trolls! Then, Chris makes the two commit suicide, just like he wants them to!

Augh! So much rage!

On a side note, I love how Chris inserts that side note that he wants the MMPR team again and "disses" the other teams. Wow, way to live in the past, Chris! --[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 04:27, 6 January 2010 (UTC)

:*Chris always amaze me. I keep on thinking about how deeply retarded the whole comic is and, oh so suddenly, he finds a way to dig himself in a hole a lot deeper. I wonder how Clyde and Jack will react to this. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 04:31, 6 January 2010 (UTC)
:**I want them to make him ''really'' suffer for that. Otherwise, once he's done making Issue 10, I'm gonna go make my own comic in retaliation. --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 04:47, 6 January 2010 (UTC)
:***Sweet merciful Jesus, ''why?'' The last ten pages or so are probably the most disgusting things I've ever read (and this from someone who's read and lol'd at almost all of this wiki). They make ''even less sense'' than the typical Chris tract. I'm almost impressed at how in these ten pages he's managed to pack in so much fail. That's it, I'm making a comic where Naitsirhc is the hero and saves everybody. --[[User:SnorlaXBOX|SnorlaXBOX]] 05:24, 6 January 2010 (UTC)
:**** Hey, dipwad, I called it! Nah, I'm kidding, but mostly about the dipwad part. I got a good chunk of plot for my comic thought down, but I'd like to ask about your's first. --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 05:37, 6 January 2010 (UTC)
:*****I'll put the general overview in my sandbox. And @ Griffintown's post below: Reading these pages is pretty much like watching Chris jerk himself off. He's only doing it to satisfy some vague desire to be the big boy on the playground. --[[User:SnorlaXBOX|SnorlaXBOX]] 05:50, 6 January 2010 (UTC)
:****I just read them. The crazy thing is, I'll bet he actually considers this a victory. He's sitting in his room right now going "I showed those trolls a thing or two!" Ok, no, actually he's probably still frothing mad over mailbag 32, but the point remains.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 05:32, 6 January 2010 (UTC)
:*****That's it. CWCville is this magical place in his head where he can win all his battles. Chris acts as if his comics (and mostly everything he produces, videos and texts included) were Magical Talismans able to affect the real life. The best think that can happen right now is to see some serious "Clyde & Jack" action who will force Chris to "Undead" them in the next comic so he can beat them again. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 05:42, 6 January 2010 (UTC)
*Why does this remind me of the GI Joe episode where Cobra made a machine to destroy buildings with the power of rock?--[[User:Yawn|Yawn]] 5:50, 6 January 2010 (UTC)

==Page 36==
Rosechu is menstruating despite being medically sterile and being a Pokemon. Also, tampons and kinky sex in a TV-Y7 work. I don't know, I have trouble even thinking of the page without being filled with rage at the directions Chris takes his comic in. --[[User:OFSheep|OFSheep]] 04:55, 7 January 2010 (UTC)

==Page 37==
Christian... Freaking... Love... Day... I thought he was reaching the bottom in retardation but this is so... wrong. THIS begs to be turned into a "Gay Day" celebration. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 05:10, 8 January 2010 (UTC)
*It does! And what's so funny is that, Chris actually thinks that, if there WAS a cure for homosexuality, everyone in the world would be willing to go through this. Yes, I know this is Chris's world and we're just looking in, but still, this had to be said. First of all, vaccines are voluntary, not mandatory. If someone came up and said "Hey, we got the cure for homosexuality! Come and get it!", how many would take it? Not very many! Second of all, there's no real plausible way the cure could be passed through the water. That's only really in movies or comics! Water treatment plants have too many chemicals that would dilute or eradicate it. Besides, even if they did drink it, it has to be through the blood, not the stomach.

:I know, again, it's Chris's world, but I just had to get it out of my system. --[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 05:23, 8 January 2010 (UTC)

== oh boy! ==

After Jacks appearance in the comic, we should expect an epic phone call soon! -[[User:Briscoe|Briscoe]] 3:45 PM, January 8th 2010

==Page 40==

"Oh, Don't Worry, I am consentual." is now my favorite line in the whole frickin' comic. Because it's just... so wrong on so many levels. --[[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 16:16, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
*Add to this the "Lovely Weather will be my wife" angle and then you realize how twisted Chris can be. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 16:19, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
*Add this to the fact that, canonically in Family Guy, Meg gets a sex change in the future. --[[User:Morganna|Morganna]] 16:33, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
*I was weirded out by the Lovely Weather kinky time-travel sechs thing, but not as much as other people (Chris never did tell all the details, so for all we know, he could've told her, or FutureChris might have even been involved in a kinky time-threesome. The whole thing was unsavory to me, but I reserved judgment and wrote it off as Chris being Chris) ...but this, THIS is what shocked and made me sick, because previously, Comic-Chris never actually 'cheated' because his sweethearts either disappeared or died or whatevs; and I'm one of those people who think cheating (and ''unrepentant'' cheating at that!) is one of the worst things you can do in a relationship.

: [http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v322/puppet_chaos/whut.jpg The Medicine Seller probably would react the same way I did] Too bad I don't have a Sword of Exorcism. (...if you know what I'm talking about, you get a cookie made out of internet and win) --[[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 16:42, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
:*Someone should save those last few pages with Meg and all the pages where Lovely Weather is mentioned just in case Chris retcons either one of them. Unfortunately, atm, CWCipedia is fucking down again. --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 19:08, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
:**Godfuckingdamnit, 100mb, undown CWCipedia already! --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 23:00, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
:**Done! I am happy(er)! --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 02:59, 10 January 2010 (UTC)

==Page 42==
Pfft. I like that "apology". "I know I drew some very stupid and offensive pages, but I wanted to get through your DAMN DIRTY SKULLS that I'm STRAIGHT! Please, don't leave me!"

He starts to apologize, derails, then grovels. Epic Chris. --[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 05:51, 12 January 2010 (UTC)

== So meg was Silvana. ==

I'm sure Chris has some retarded plot planned around this, but the only thing that's really important is the fact that he just knowingly drew himself making out with a hedgehog that has a dick.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 06:18, 12 January 2010 (UTC)
* What surprised me is that he essentially subverted his whole Meg Griffin fantasy and more or less acknowledged that it was pretty messed up. It's a strange level of self-awareness. --[[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 06:46, 12 January 2010 (UTC)
**Of course it makes you wonder, why did Magi-chan just watch?--[[Yawn|Yawn]] 6:58, 12 January 2010
:* Maybe Magi-Chan just doesn't give a shit? He seems pretty lazy, judging by how much time he just spends doing nothing. --[[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 07:19, 12 January 2010 (UTC)

== Collosal Chris-Chan ==

Oh God, he actually used it. He actually used that horrible thing.

Two other things:
1. Page 43-44's transformation sequence is a direct ripoff of the Super Sonic/Shadow transformation before the final boss in Sonic Adventure 2.
2. Himself in panel 3 of Page 43, (the one where he's looking up), is sadly the best drawing he's done, anatomy-wise. (note the head isn't _too_ mishapen) --[[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 06:46, 12 January 2010 (UTC)

== Just noticed this ==

Magi-chan, on page 37, said that homosexuality and asexuality are extinct... but nothing about bisexuality. --[[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 17:27, 12 January 2010 (UTC)
:*My main theory on this is that Chris is ignorant of bisexuality. At the moment someone will ask the question, he will say something like "Yes, them too.". [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 17:59, 12 January 2010 (UTC)
** As someone who has spent some time in the South, for a lot of people bisexuality is syononymous with homosexuality. [[User:Inkmonkey|Inkmonkey]] 00:13, 26 January 2010 (UTC)

==Recent Pages==

Wow... the fail is overwhelming here. Zelina's just another vapid Rosechu, Chris actually thinks that people use their X-Box as fully functioning computers, he rips off a stage from the ''Shadow the Hedgehog'' game, he fails in website protection, he turns the Asperchu-type Sonichu characters into vapid, worshiping idiots who wanted real names, then strips them of what they had because he can.

Jeezus, Chris.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 17:36, 19 January 2010 (UTC)

Note also that Chris sprouts a third eye after he jams his finger in the controller port. --[[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 04:32, 20 January 2010 (UTC)

Note also also that "Mitch Sonichu" looks like the [http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Uja7HbHJnMk/Sb8aG3Nr7gI/AAAAAAAAAHg/MUf8op1X4Xk/s320/brawny.jpg Brawny paper towel guy], an ambiguously gay lumberjack. Chris, for someone who swears up and down that HE IS STRAIGHT STRAIGHT STRAIGHT, has no problem whiling away his leisure time giving free, unsolicited homomasculine makeovers to random dudes. --[[User:SnorlaXBOX|SnorlaXBOX]] 04:53, 20 January 2010 (UTC)

== Christian is a God ==

According to page 57 that is. The Asperchu Sonichu comments on how Alec made him "worship a false God" (Liquid Chris), but apparently they worshiped Christian from before.

And now we have recolors of recolors.

Someone should also point out to Chris that Microsoft is also the creator of Windows, which is what he uses. -[[User:Scarf|Scarf]] 20:23, 19 January 2010 (UTC)

== What's the dating sim? ==

What's the Hex Bawx dating sim that Chris refers to? I haven't had dinner today and I can't find a darn thing on xbox.com — if there's one thing that bugs me about Xbox, it's that Microsoft has no idea on usability in certain cases =) --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 12:48, 21 January 2010 (UTC)
:A game called "Don't be nervous talking 2 girls" link: [http://news.vgchartz.com/news.php?id=6182]. I wonder how he found out about this, I know in /cwc/ we were talking about showing this to him but nothing came from it. Makes me wonder if the autistic wonder is actually lurking on a better board than EDF. --[[User:Da-zen-man|Da-zen-man]] 21:53, 25 January 2010 (UTC)

== Pages 61-68 ==

Someone better get to summarizing these shit stains. I can't because I'm at school and can't look at them for more than a second each --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 21:47, 25 January 2010 (UTC)
* On it. [[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 22:07, 25 January 2010 (UTC)
** I summarized them, but some details aren't so great. I haven't read Moon Pals, nor all of Asperchu, and I have no idea who the blond chick is at that table. [[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 22:34, 25 January 2010 (UTC)

== President Obama? ==

It's August '08 during episode 21. Obama won't be president for 4 more months, and even then, I figure the economy is more pressing than Asperchu. Hell, the Asperpedia wouldn't be made until 2010, so Collosal Chris-Chan is raging at things that wouldn't happen for over a year. He just can't leave that soapbox alone!--[[User:OFSheep|OFSheep]] 22:21, 25 January 2010 (UTC)
* It gets dumber than that, Chris supposedly destroyed Asperpedia when he blew up the HEX BAWKS, didn't he? I'm amused that begging the president for intervention made its return. Its almost like a shout-out to the ED days.
* I want to send an email about this, but I'm afraid the Sysop's gonna reject it like she did the last three. --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 23:51, 25 January 2010 (UTC)
** What the hell? I sent in two, anyways. --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 00:15, 26 January 2010 (UTC)
*Holy shit I completely forgot that the comics weren't running on Earth Time! [[User:Inkmonkey|Inkmonkey]] 00:16, 26 January 2010 (UTC)
*Upon further analysis, Chris goes to ruin a person he's never even hinted at before for things that don't make sense unless you consider the metaphysical nature of Chris' existence as both creator and protagonist of his story and even then are incomprehensible to normal logic, that aren't told of until Chris has already done his damage. The actions of Alec and the rest of Asperpedia's crew, which barely make sense in the context of bothering fictional comic characters, are somehow worse than murdering at least 100 people and injuring hundreds more. These actions are horribly illegal and require the highest law in the land, while the aforementioned murder is somehow not a national security issue. Dammit, Chris. --[[User:OFSheep|OFSheep]] 02:39, 26 January 2010 (UTC)

== Fan art ==

We need some fan art of some of the events and characters in this comic. Currently it's a giant boring hunk of text, and that's not fun at all.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 01:04, 26 January 2010 (UTC)
* I was thinking of making a drawing of Collosal Chan as a blood-thirsty monster charging towards our poor heroes, Alec, Jack, Evan, Sean, Clyde, and Mao, as they hold their spots valiantly to stop him to causing any more bloodshed. The summary would be called: The whole plot of Sonichu 10! Lol! --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 02:49, 26 January 2010 (UTC)

==Allison's Problem==

Alright, I did a double check, but for reference, Allison's problem with Moon-Pals was that she showed up as a constantly happy girl (who's high on heroin). She appears a number of times, with Episode 17 being the more recent appearance (mocking Chris the whole way through). --[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 18:46, 28 January 2010 (UTC)

==Soup Hotel Rosechus==

Did anyone else notice that while Ultra Sonichu used Chaotic Remedy to cure the Aspiechus of Aspergers, he never even thought of using it to cure the Soup Hotel Rosechus? It seems that to Chris, Aspergers is a fate worse than being paralyzed from the waist down. Well, hot damn, by that logic, I should wish for physical paralysis! --[[User:Needlepants|Needlepants]] 17:47, 31 January 2010 (UTC)
*Well you can't have people running around out there with a similar condition to autism. They are stealing the limelight away from <s>true autistics</s> Chris. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:38, 31 January 2010 (UTC)

==Plot Twist==

If Chris were a decent writer, this is the part where I'd expect Mary's entire "Bawwww" story as an elaborate trick to get the all-powerful Hobo to free Graduon. But we know something like this won't happen.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 20:07, 3 February 2010 (UTC)

==Page 75==

Anyone noticed how Chris's blades are a God of War rip-off? [[User:GUInterface|GUInterface]] 08:44, 18 February 2010 (UTC)
*I think thats a coincidence. Chris hasn't even properly played Metal Gear Solid, I think its very unlikely that he would play God Of War. Although he'd probably like it if he did. If theres one thing that our Chrissy would love to do, its play as a God. Either way, thats not even my concern right now. What I would like to be highlighted, is that Slaweel surendered to him, told Chris that what happened was not entirely her fault, and even let him destroy Graduon and thus take away a large portion of her powers, and then he tries to kill her with two big swords. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:57, 18 February 2010 (UTC)
**And he said she'd never be forgiven. All because she did her job properly six years ago. - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 21:03, 18 February 2010 (UTC)
**Edward - Chris knows what God of War is. Apparently, the Field Trolls who got Chris to drink found that out through him. And the way the "blades" are drawn, those are Kratos' blades.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 21:28, 18 February 2010 (UTC)
***True - It's mentioned in [[Chris's Big Night Out#Chris and His PSP|The PSP Video]] in [[Chris's Big Night Out]]. - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 23:11, 18 February 2010 (UTC)
***Sorry then. My mistake. I need to do more lurking by the looks of it. My point about Chris attacking Slaweel still stands though. She did literally just give up to him. Not to mention that she has not done nearly as much as some of Chris's other enemies. I seem to recall one episode about Blake stealing the Master Sunstone. That apparantly would have ended life as we know it and caused all sorts of mutations and shit. What about Beel? He was an assistant to Hitler. Graduon himself had tried to wipe out two old Native American clans. Hell, even the supposedly saintly Comic Chris, has done worse than Mary. He killed 200 people by blowing up a building, caused the Gay Holocaust. Even if we assume that interfering in his Love Quest really is the ultimate sin, then wouldn't Bagget and Jerkhief be the #1 offenders? Mary gave him a stern talking to, but those two had him arrested and put on trial.--[[User:Edward|Edward]] 00:44, 19 February 2010 (UTC)

==1-Episode Issue?==

I'm of the understanding that Chris limits each Sonichu issue to 100 pages maximum. Well, so far episode 21 has taken up over 3/4 of that limit. Is it safe to assume that once Episode 21 is complete, that'll be it for Sonichu 10? Because that would mean that the entire issue was basically a "clean-up" issue, in which Chris resolved just about every plot thread involving himself. If so, I think the article should reflect that a little bit more. At the moment it just talks about the circumstances of the preview's release. [[User:Xentrilus|Xentrilus]] 21:41, 18 February 2010 (UTC)

== Mass Effect 2 Joke ==

I find the joke a bit weak. I know people would say its a dating game, but Chris probably wouldn't even consider it, because he's only interested in getting a date in the real world, which I doubt Mass Effect would be able to teach him.[[User:Double Nega|Double Nega]] 00:34, 24 February 2010 (UTC)

== February 25 page dump. ==

I haven't read them yet. I'm not sure if I have the nerves of steel required for such a test of endurance. All I know is that they Torture Evan (Possibly for hours) before killing him.

Also, the torture involves castration. This is presented as an excellent coping tactic to help a young girl deal with the fact that her mother died before she was born.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 07:04, 25 February 2010 (UTC)

*It should be called "In which CWCville authorities detain and execute innocents with unwarranted cruelty". And I believe he was told to KILL and REMOVE Simonla, not kill her and then kill Mao, Sean, and Evan in the most contrived way possible. And after all those half-assed apologies, too! --[[User:Mikhail Faulken|Mikhail Faulken]] 07:14, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
**Honestly, I'm still shuddering at the Castrated, limbless Evan. Seeing that drawn in Chris's unique style... it's like an 8-year-old sketched a mutilated corpse and stuck it on the refrigerator. There's just something so fucking ''wrong'' about it.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 07:17, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
***If that were real life, the UN would have a field day with it. Somebody should make a fancomic where this unsavoury event is addressed and dealt with posthaste! Also, can't Evan take legal action for unwarranted use of his likeness? --[[User:Mikhail Faulken|Mikhail Faulken]] 07:20, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
****And sandy, is like 1 year old with the intelligence of a 4rth grader, She and her father killed evan in her comic, that's quite messed up, and kellie is about 10 and she's shooting chained people, and chris chan, using hellraiser kind of powers?The cherry on top of this cake is the whole love day speech after that.This is way, more revealing than the comic in which chris shot liquid. [[User:Basogn|Basgon]] 07:23, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
*****It just epitomises what we knew of the fat bastard the whole time: that he is a hypocrite. And apparently a bipolar one at that. I found the manner of how he carried it out to be extremely immature, like a retarded 4th grader... which is what Sandy is! Coincidences, coincidences. -- [[User:Mikhail Faulken|Mikhail Faulken]] 07:40, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
****** If we called Chris detached from reality before, that was an understatement. This just proves Chris is seriously sick. If any professional saw this I fail to see how Chris wouldn't be locked up. We've seen twisted stuff before, but this is easily the most monstrous. -- [[User:CDiddles|CDiddles]] 07:44, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
*******Nah, the porn was worse. Also, his answer to one of the Common questions was outright zoophilia! But the fact that he'd murder a fourteen year old is really disturbing. If I met Chris, I'd probably hit up Evan so that we could use HIM for target practise. --[[User:Mikhail Faulken|Mikhail Faulken]] 07:48, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
*did anyone noticed that the judge is bob? [[User:Basogn|Basgon]] 07:34, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
**spioler alert: it's lewis black [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 07:59, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
*** thanks for the spioler, i didn't knew who lewis black is so i thought it was bob.[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 08:08, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
*Someone should totally do a fancomic about Sandy thirteen years in the future, struggling to cope with what she did. --[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 15:46, 25 February 2010 (UTC)

SEE! SEE! I told you all this would happen! Well, anyways, Eric and I are at last able to start up on our project now that would be called Issue 10.5. --[[User:Marco|Marco]] 08:35, 25 February 2010 (UTC)

== Worth Noting? ==

The lawyer Marvey Blaziken in this comic was likely ripped off of Harvey Birdman (being as Blaziken is based off of a bird). He even has the same super-hero facial features that Birdman has. I'm not sure where this would go though.--[[User:AIDSandstuff|AIDSandstuff]] 07:06, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
:Add him to the list of characters and make a note on things Chris ripped off, I guess.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 07:16, 25 February 2010 (UTC)

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