https://sonichu.com/w/api.php?action=feedcontributions&feedformat=atom&user=KyweaverCWCki - User contributions [en]2026-04-06T19:29:34ZUser contributionsMediaWiki 1.37.6https://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Alec_Benson_Leary_calls&diff=136946Alec Benson Leary calls2011-03-07T11:23:09Z<p>Kyweaver: </p>
<hr />
<div>The '''Alec Benson Leary calls''' were a series of calls between Alec Benson Leary, the True and Honest creator of [[Asperchu]], and [[Chris]] which took place in late [[January 2010|January]] and early [[February 2010]].<br />
<br />
These conversations provide valuable background insight into the battle over Asperchu. Chris is forced to confront someone who, in a few important ways, is not unlike him. Just as Chris swiped Nintendo and Sega's characters to provide the building blocks of his comic, so did Alec (at least in Chris's eyes) use Chris's characters as the foundation of his stories, offering the same kind of excuses (though in a provocative manner) as Chris in the bargain. Likewise, Chris is confronted with the fact that he stole and abused [[Evan]]'s character [[Evan#Simonchu|Simonchu]], just as [[trolls]] have abused many of Chris's own characters, like [[Rosechu]]. He is also shown that, in the same way that those trolls have used the internet to mock, slander, and character-assassinate Chris himself, he has spread lies and slander about Alec in his comics and on the [[CWCipedia]].<br />
<br />
For some people, this would be an important opportunity for sober reflection. Chris, however, doesn't have the wiring for that. In the earlier conversations, he tends to be combative, seemingly believing that he can either mock or debate Alec into submission. Later, as Alec proves unwilling to tolerate Chris's bullshit — and the operators of the [[Asperpedia]] prove unwilling to take down their offensive ads from the CWCipedia — Chris becomes less and less engaged in their conversations, mechanically responding to Alec by rote.<br />
<br />
Altogether, the calls show the amazing extent of Chris's inflexible belief that he is always right. (Faced with an uncomplicated set of requirements, he fails at the simple task of delivering a sincere apology on no fewer [[29 January 2010|than]] [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|three]] [[5 February 2010|occasions]].) It's interesting to consider what Chris thought the ultimate outcome of the dispute would be. He never seems to realize, despite many clear warnings, that he has no real control over the CWCipedia, and that his refusal to cooperate with Alec and Evan could result in its [[9_February_2010|destruction]].<br />
<br />
There are also several parallels between these calls and the [[Father Call|conversation between Chris and Matt Devoria]]. Discussions about what the word [[naïve]] truly means, Chris's inability to be an adult, and Chris's unwillingness to put honest effort into something he supposedly really cares about (in this case, his comic) prove that despite some [[11052009_Kacey,_I_Love_You,_and_I_Need_You|emotional]] [[CWC_is_sad|videos]] from that debacle, Chris didn't learn a single thing from his earlier experience.<br />
<br />
==Call 1==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1}}<br />
Alec calls Chris to talk about the ads Mao has been putting on the [[CWCipedia]], and to talk about the threatening videos Chris has been putting on [[YouTube]]. The two try to clear the air and start off making some progress, but they soon fall into some stumbling blocks about the usage of their respective characters. Alec keeps showing Chris that Chris is being two-faced about said usage, and pointing out that Chris is treating Alec in much the same way trolls treat Chris. Chris gets agitated and tries to change the subject several times, but each subject they move to further points out Chris's hypocrisy. Eventually a frustrated Chris says his phone's battery is running low and hastily disconnects.<br />
<br />
==Call 2==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2}}<br />
After not answering the phone when he said he'd be available, a surprised Chris gets another call from Alec later in the day. Once again they discuss the ads on Chris's site, and Chris laments that his fans actually [[Mailbag|ask questions]] instead of [[Chris and ego|e-fellating him]]. Chris says he thinks it's terrible that Alec emphasizes [[Asperchu]]'s condition by having "asper" in his name, and suggests Asperchu wouldn't want people to know about it, even though Chris has spent his entire life mentioning his [[autism]] at every opportunity and using it as an excuse for his failures. Chris admits that he thinks his [[Sonichu|cartoon characters]], their thoughts and feelings, and the [[Chris_and_reality|world they inhabit are completely real, just like Toontown coexists with reality in the film "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"]] and suggests Alec is naïve for thinking otherwise. Alec then hammers Chris on his poor work ethic and lack of effort, and they have a discussion about hand-drawn comics versus computer-manipulated ones in which Alec argues that Chris shouldn't put down the digital manipulation in "Asperchu" since Chris uses Photoshop to add text to [[Sonichu_(comic)|"Sonichu."]] They also discuss [[Evan]] possibly suing Chris over [[Simonchu]] until Chris conveniently gets [[stress|tired]].<br />
<br />
==Call 3==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3}}<br />
When Alec calls this time, Chris immediately tries to weasel out of speaking to him by claiming he's expecting a call. Alec takes Chris to task for [[29_January_2010|not putting out a satisfactory apology video]], for not giving in to Evan's demands regarding Simonchu and Simonla, and for calling Alec naïve and using the CWCipedia to slander him. Chris continues to whine that his fanmail challenges him, and he and Alec resume talking about the usage of their characters. Alec then tries to give Chris more advice about Chris's work ethic, but Chris makes more lame excuses, and quickly ends the conversation to wait for the aforementioned (and likely non-existent) phone call.<br />
<br />
==Call 4==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4}}<br />
The audio for this call starts in the middle of the conversation, but it's clear that the normally diplomatic and well-mannered Alec is growing increasingly weary of Chris's shit. Alec wants Chris to make a better apology video in return for removing the ads from CWCipedia. Alec lists the conditions of the apology, and Chris tries to negotiate items that are non-negotiable. As Chris doesn't ever feel he's wrong about anything, Alec has to hand-hold Chris through the process of figuring out for what he should be apologizing. Chris also tries to go back on their agreements for the usage of their characters and wanting Alec to remove his version of the Chaotic Combo, though it was previously established that Alec's version is completely different from Chris's. Chris says that he'll have the new apology uploaded to YouTube later that night.<br />
<br />
==Call 5==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5}}<br />
Alec is once again unsatisfied with [[Apologies_to_Alec_and_Evan|Chris's apology]], which leaves out several items Alec mandated. Alec tells Chris he's tired of Chris's bullying and now understands how right Mao has been in giving Chris a hard time. After deftly pointing out how Chris is nothing but a troll, Chris steps away from the phone and [[Challenge for Clyde|hides behind his mother's skirt]] by impersonating [[Barbara Chandler|her]] and pretending she is calling Chris to take care of their [[Chandler cats|cat]]; he then comes back to the phone to tell a furious Alec that he has to leave.<br />
<br />
==Call 6==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6}}<br />
Alec goes through an even more deliberate process to step Chris through what's necessary to get the CWCipedia ads removed. Chris spends much of the call blowing Alec off and very strongly suggests that he's not going to budge on certain demands. For instance, he calls the demand to remove Simonchu from his comic "debatable" and at one point says he will not kill Simonla off, despite it being made clear that he must do these things to get the ads removed. There's a brief discussion where Chris says he didn't mean to [[Basement Rosechus|insinuate that Alec kept women in his basement in cages to rape them]], only that he was keeping them like pets. Scantily-clad abused pets. They discuss Chris's misunderstanding of words (such as "naïve") and figures of speech (Chris says if someone exclaimed figuratively, "just shoot me," he wouldn't ''necessarily'' shoot them). They talk further about Chris's update schedule, or lack thereof, and how easy it is for Chris's Sonichu Empire to get derailed. Chris tries to rationalize stealing the intellectual properties of others while complaining about Alec stealing from him. Chris firmly believes he will not be sued by Hasbro, Nintendo, or Sega if he tries to make money off Sonichu, and points to him not yet being sued as proof. Alec implores Chris to come up with something original before he gets sued, but his words surprisingly fall on deaf ears. Alec explains that he's ultimately trying to help Chris and it's very frustrating that he doesn't seem to care, and warns Chris that while he's been more than forgiving thus far, he has essentially run out of chances.<br />
<br />
==Call 7==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7}}<br />
At this point, Evan has frozen the CWCipedia due to Chris's stubbornness regarding Simonla and Simonchu. Despite the unmistakable clarity of Alec's requests in the previous call, Chris still delivers [[5_February_2010|an unsatisfactory apology]] leaving many items out. Chris complains that his computer has not been running right and now he can't get into CWCipedia to make updates or right the wrongs he never intended to right. Alec accuses Chris of not caring about Sonichu at all, citing his handling of the issue and inability to maintain a working computer. As he did with [[Kacey]] during the [[Father Call]] when he was accused of not caring about her and being unwilling to do right by her, Chris insists that's not true though he provides no evidence to counter the claims. When Alec shows Chris that he's putting far more effort into video games, sleeping, and attacking Alec than he does into his comic, Chris hangs up on him. <br />
<br />
==Call 8==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8}}<br />
After being summoned for yet another call to discuss the presence of Sonichu Revolution on CWCipedia, Alec complains about Chris's failure to upload his comics and calls him out on his hypocrisy.<br />
<br />
==Call 9==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9}}<br />
Alec calls up Chris a ninth time, this time to discuss his reasoning for the final pages of [[Sonichu 10]], his understanding of copyright, and the importance of [[Christian Love Day]].<br />
<br />
==YouTube==<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNQNdjFES7o The first call on YouTube]<br />
<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGB99JTZJes The second call on YouTube]<br />
<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XaH3RRyXZ0 The third call on YouTube]<br />
<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18pBOGTVDYo The fourth call on YouTube]<br />
<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=043M89cXAlU The fifth call on YouTube]<br />
<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBPdXXFnvzU The sixth call on YouTube]<br />
<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRH_7Puy6jY The seventh call on YouTube]<br />
<br />
==See Also==<br />
[[Chris and negotiation]]<br />
<br />
[[Category:Phone calls]]<br />
[[Category: Asperchu Saga]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Alec_Benson_Leary_calls&diff=136945Alec Benson Leary calls2011-03-07T11:22:36Z<p>Kyweaver: </p>
<hr />
<div>The '''Alec Benson Leary calls''' were a series of calls between Alec Benson Leary, the True and Honest creator of [[Asperchu]], and [[Chris]] which took place in late [[January 2010|January]] and early [[February 2010]].<br />
<br />
These conversations provide valuable background insight into the battle over Asperchu. Chris is forced to confront someone who, in a few important ways, is not unlike him. Just as Chris swiped Nintendo and Sega's characters to provide the building blocks of his comic, so did Alec (at least in Chris's eyes) use Chris's characters as the foundation of his stories, offering the same kind of excuses (though in a provokative manner) as Chris in the bargain. Likewise, Chris is confronted with the fact that he stole and abused [[Evan]]'s character [[Evan#Simonchu|Simonchu]], just as [[trolls]] have abused many of Chris's own characters, like [[Rosechu]]. He is also shown that, in the same way that those trolls have used the internet to mock, slander, and character-assassinate Chris himself, he has spread lies and slander about Alec in his comics and on the [[CWCipedia]].<br />
<br />
For some people, this would be an important opportunity for sober reflection. Chris, however, doesn't have the wiring for that. In the earlier conversations, he tends to be combative, seemingly believing that he can either mock or debate Alec into submission. Later, as Alec proves unwilling to tolerate Chris's bullshit — and the operators of the [[Asperpedia]] prove unwilling to take down their offensive ads from the CWCipedia — Chris becomes less and less engaged in their conversations, mechanically responding to Alec by rote.<br />
<br />
Altogether, the calls show the amazing extent of Chris's inflexible belief that he is always right. (Faced with an uncomplicated set of requirements, he fails at the simple task of delivering a sincere apology on no fewer [[29 January 2010|than]] [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|three]] [[5 February 2010|occasions]].) It's interesting to consider what Chris thought the ultimate outcome of the dispute would be. He never seems to realize, despite many clear warnings, that he has no real control over the CWCipedia, and that his refusal to cooperate with Alec and Evan could result in its [[9_February_2010|destruction]].<br />
<br />
There are also several parallels between these calls and the [[Father Call|conversation between Chris and Matt Devoria]]. Discussions about what the word [[naïve]] truly means, Chris's inability to be an adult, and Chris's unwillingness to put honest effort into something he supposedly really cares about (in this case, his comic) prove that despite some [[11052009_Kacey,_I_Love_You,_and_I_Need_You|emotional]] [[CWC_is_sad|videos]] from that debacle, Chris didn't learn a single thing from his earlier experience.<br />
<br />
==Call 1==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1}}<br />
Alec calls Chris to talk about the ads Mao has been putting on the [[CWCipedia]], and to talk about the threatening videos Chris has been putting on [[YouTube]]. The two try to clear the air and start off making some progress, but they soon fall into some stumbling blocks about the usage of their respective characters. Alec keeps showing Chris that Chris is being two-faced about said usage, and pointing out that Chris is treating Alec in much the same way trolls treat Chris. Chris gets agitated and tries to change the subject several times, but each subject they move to further points out Chris's hypocrisy. Eventually a frustrated Chris says his phone's battery is running low and hastily disconnects.<br />
<br />
==Call 2==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2}}<br />
After not answering the phone when he said he'd be available, a surprised Chris gets another call from Alec later in the day. Once again they discuss the ads on Chris's site, and Chris laments that his fans actually [[Mailbag|ask questions]] instead of [[Chris and ego|e-fellating him]]. Chris says he thinks it's terrible that Alec emphasizes [[Asperchu]]'s condition by having "asper" in his name, and suggests Asperchu wouldn't want people to know about it, even though Chris has spent his entire life mentioning his [[autism]] at every opportunity and using it as an excuse for his failures. Chris admits that he thinks his [[Sonichu|cartoon characters]], their thoughts and feelings, and the [[Chris_and_reality|world they inhabit are completely real, just like Toontown coexists with reality in the film "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"]] and suggests Alec is naïve for thinking otherwise. Alec then hammers Chris on his poor work ethic and lack of effort, and they have a discussion about hand-drawn comics versus computer-manipulated ones in which Alec argues that Chris shouldn't put down the digital manipulation in "Asperchu" since Chris uses Photoshop to add text to [[Sonichu_(comic)|"Sonichu."]] They also discuss [[Evan]] possibly suing Chris over [[Simonchu]] until Chris conveniently gets [[stress|tired]].<br />
<br />
==Call 3==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3}}<br />
When Alec calls this time, Chris immediately tries to weasel out of speaking to him by claiming he's expecting a call. Alec takes Chris to task for [[29_January_2010|not putting out a satisfactory apology video]], for not giving in to Evan's demands regarding Simonchu and Simonla, and for calling Alec naïve and using the CWCipedia to slander him. Chris continues to whine that his fanmail challenges him, and he and Alec resume talking about the usage of their characters. Alec then tries to give Chris more advice about Chris's work ethic, but Chris makes more lame excuses, and quickly ends the conversation to wait for the aforementioned (and likely non-existent) phone call.<br />
<br />
==Call 4==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4}}<br />
The audio for this call starts in the middle of the conversation, but it's clear that the normally diplomatic and well-mannered Alec is growing increasingly weary of Chris's shit. Alec wants Chris to make a better apology video in return for removing the ads from CWCipedia. Alec lists the conditions of the apology, and Chris tries to negotiate items that are non-negotiable. As Chris doesn't ever feel he's wrong about anything, Alec has to hand-hold Chris through the process of figuring out for what he should be apologizing. Chris also tries to go back on their agreements for the usage of their characters and wanting Alec to remove his version of the Chaotic Combo, though it was previously established that Alec's version is completely different from Chris's. Chris says that he'll have the new apology uploaded to YouTube later that night.<br />
<br />
==Call 5==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5}}<br />
Alec is once again unsatisfied with [[Apologies_to_Alec_and_Evan|Chris's apology]], which leaves out several items Alec mandated. Alec tells Chris he's tired of Chris's bullying and now understands how right Mao has been in giving Chris a hard time. After deftly pointing out how Chris is nothing but a troll, Chris steps away from the phone and [[Challenge for Clyde|hides behind his mother's skirt]] by impersonating [[Barbara Chandler|her]] and pretending she is calling Chris to take care of their [[Chandler cats|cat]]; he then comes back to the phone to tell a furious Alec that he has to leave.<br />
<br />
==Call 6==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6}}<br />
Alec goes through an even more deliberate process to step Chris through what's necessary to get the CWCipedia ads removed. Chris spends much of the call blowing Alec off and very strongly suggests that he's not going to budge on certain demands. For instance, he calls the demand to remove Simonchu from his comic "debatable" and at one point says he will not kill Simonla off, despite it being made clear that he must do these things to get the ads removed. There's a brief discussion where Chris says he didn't mean to [[Basement Rosechus|insinuate that Alec kept women in his basement in cages to rape them]], only that he was keeping them like pets. Scantily-clad abused pets. They discuss Chris's misunderstanding of words (such as "naïve") and figures of speech (Chris says if someone exclaimed figuratively, "just shoot me," he wouldn't ''necessarily'' shoot them). They talk further about Chris's update schedule, or lack thereof, and how easy it is for Chris's Sonichu Empire to get derailed. Chris tries to rationalize stealing the intellectual properties of others while complaining about Alec stealing from him. Chris firmly believes he will not be sued by Hasbro, Nintendo, or Sega if he tries to make money off Sonichu, and points to him not yet being sued as proof. Alec implores Chris to come up with something original before he gets sued, but his words surprisingly fall on deaf ears. Alec explains that he's ultimately trying to help Chris and it's very frustrating that he doesn't seem to care, and warns Chris that while he's been more than forgiving thus far, he has essentially run out of chances.<br />
<br />
==Call 7==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7}}<br />
At this point, Evan has frozen the CWCipedia due to Chris's stubbornness regarding Simonla and Simonchu. Despite the unmistakable clarity of Alec's requests in the previous call, Chris still delivers [[5_February_2010|an unsatisfactory apology]] leaving many items out. Chris complains that his computer has not been running right and now he can't get into CWCipedia to make updates or right the wrongs he never intended to right. Alec accuses Chris of not caring about Sonichu at all, citing his handling of the issue and inability to maintain a working computer. As he did with [[Kacey]] during the [[Father Call]] when he was accused of not caring about her and being unwilling to do right by her, Chris insists that's not true though he provides no evidence to counter the claims. When Alec shows Chris that he's putting far more effort into video games, sleeping, and attacking Alec than he does into his comic, Chris hangs up on him. <br />
<br />
==Call 8==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8}}<br />
After being summoned for yet another call to discuss the presence of Sonichu Revolution on CWCipedia, Alec complains about Chris's failure to upload his comics and calls him out on his hypocrisy.<br />
<br />
==Call 9==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9}}<br />
Alec calls up Chris a ninth time, this time to discuss his reasoning for the final pages of [[Sonichu 10]], his understanding of copyright, and the importance of [[Christian Love Day]].<br />
<br />
==YouTube==<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNQNdjFES7o The first call on YouTube]<br />
<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGB99JTZJes The second call on YouTube]<br />
<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XaH3RRyXZ0 The third call on YouTube]<br />
<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18pBOGTVDYo The fourth call on YouTube]<br />
<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=043M89cXAlU The fifth call on YouTube]<br />
<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBPdXXFnvzU The sixth call on YouTube]<br />
<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRH_7Puy6jY The seventh call on YouTube]<br />
<br />
==See Also==<br />
[[Chris and negotiation]]<br />
<br />
[[Category:Phone calls]]<br />
[[Category: Asperchu Saga]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Alec_Benson_Leary_calls&diff=136944Alec Benson Leary calls2011-03-07T11:22:11Z<p>Kyweaver: </p>
<hr />
<div>The '''Alec Benson Leary calls''' were a series of calls between Alec Benson Leary, the True and Honest creator of [[Asperchu]], and [[Chris]] which took place in late [[January 2010|January]] and early [[February 2010]].<br />
<br />
These conversations provide valuable background insight into the battle over Asperchu. Chris is forced to confront someone who, in a few important ways, is not unlike him. Just as Chris swiped Nintendo and Sega's characters to provide the building blocks of his comic, so did Alec (at least in Chris's eyes) use Chris's characters as the foundation of his stories, offering the same kind of excuses (though in a more provokative manner) as Chris in the bargain. Likewise, Chris is confronted with the fact that he stole and abused [[Evan]]'s character [[Evan#Simonchu|Simonchu]], just as [[trolls]] have abused many of Chris's own characters, like [[Rosechu]]. He is also shown that, in the same way that those trolls have used the internet to mock, slander, and character-assassinate Chris himself, he has spread lies and slander about Alec in his comics and on the [[CWCipedia]].<br />
<br />
For some people, this would be an important opportunity for sober reflection. Chris, however, doesn't have the wiring for that. In the earlier conversations, he tends to be combative, seemingly believing that he can either mock or debate Alec into submission. Later, as Alec proves unwilling to tolerate Chris's bullshit — and the operators of the [[Asperpedia]] prove unwilling to take down their offensive ads from the CWCipedia — Chris becomes less and less engaged in their conversations, mechanically responding to Alec by rote.<br />
<br />
Altogether, the calls show the amazing extent of Chris's inflexible belief that he is always right. (Faced with an uncomplicated set of requirements, he fails at the simple task of delivering a sincere apology on no fewer [[29 January 2010|than]] [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|three]] [[5 February 2010|occasions]].) It's interesting to consider what Chris thought the ultimate outcome of the dispute would be. He never seems to realize, despite many clear warnings, that he has no real control over the CWCipedia, and that his refusal to cooperate with Alec and Evan could result in its [[9_February_2010|destruction]].<br />
<br />
There are also several parallels between these calls and the [[Father Call|conversation between Chris and Matt Devoria]]. Discussions about what the word [[naïve]] truly means, Chris's inability to be an adult, and Chris's unwillingness to put honest effort into something he supposedly really cares about (in this case, his comic) prove that despite some [[11052009_Kacey,_I_Love_You,_and_I_Need_You|emotional]] [[CWC_is_sad|videos]] from that debacle, Chris didn't learn a single thing from his earlier experience.<br />
<br />
==Call 1==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1}}<br />
Alec calls Chris to talk about the ads Mao has been putting on the [[CWCipedia]], and to talk about the threatening videos Chris has been putting on [[YouTube]]. The two try to clear the air and start off making some progress, but they soon fall into some stumbling blocks about the usage of their respective characters. Alec keeps showing Chris that Chris is being two-faced about said usage, and pointing out that Chris is treating Alec in much the same way trolls treat Chris. Chris gets agitated and tries to change the subject several times, but each subject they move to further points out Chris's hypocrisy. Eventually a frustrated Chris says his phone's battery is running low and hastily disconnects.<br />
<br />
==Call 2==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 2}}<br />
After not answering the phone when he said he'd be available, a surprised Chris gets another call from Alec later in the day. Once again they discuss the ads on Chris's site, and Chris laments that his fans actually [[Mailbag|ask questions]] instead of [[Chris and ego|e-fellating him]]. Chris says he thinks it's terrible that Alec emphasizes [[Asperchu]]'s condition by having "asper" in his name, and suggests Asperchu wouldn't want people to know about it, even though Chris has spent his entire life mentioning his [[autism]] at every opportunity and using it as an excuse for his failures. Chris admits that he thinks his [[Sonichu|cartoon characters]], their thoughts and feelings, and the [[Chris_and_reality|world they inhabit are completely real, just like Toontown coexists with reality in the film "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"]] and suggests Alec is naïve for thinking otherwise. Alec then hammers Chris on his poor work ethic and lack of effort, and they have a discussion about hand-drawn comics versus computer-manipulated ones in which Alec argues that Chris shouldn't put down the digital manipulation in "Asperchu" since Chris uses Photoshop to add text to [[Sonichu_(comic)|"Sonichu."]] They also discuss [[Evan]] possibly suing Chris over [[Simonchu]] until Chris conveniently gets [[stress|tired]].<br />
<br />
==Call 3==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 3}}<br />
When Alec calls this time, Chris immediately tries to weasel out of speaking to him by claiming he's expecting a call. Alec takes Chris to task for [[29_January_2010|not putting out a satisfactory apology video]], for not giving in to Evan's demands regarding Simonchu and Simonla, and for calling Alec naïve and using the CWCipedia to slander him. Chris continues to whine that his fanmail challenges him, and he and Alec resume talking about the usage of their characters. Alec then tries to give Chris more advice about Chris's work ethic, but Chris makes more lame excuses, and quickly ends the conversation to wait for the aforementioned (and likely non-existent) phone call.<br />
<br />
==Call 4==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4}}<br />
The audio for this call starts in the middle of the conversation, but it's clear that the normally diplomatic and well-mannered Alec is growing increasingly weary of Chris's shit. Alec wants Chris to make a better apology video in return for removing the ads from CWCipedia. Alec lists the conditions of the apology, and Chris tries to negotiate items that are non-negotiable. As Chris doesn't ever feel he's wrong about anything, Alec has to hand-hold Chris through the process of figuring out for what he should be apologizing. Chris also tries to go back on their agreements for the usage of their characters and wanting Alec to remove his version of the Chaotic Combo, though it was previously established that Alec's version is completely different from Chris's. Chris says that he'll have the new apology uploaded to YouTube later that night.<br />
<br />
==Call 5==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5}}<br />
Alec is once again unsatisfied with [[Apologies_to_Alec_and_Evan|Chris's apology]], which leaves out several items Alec mandated. Alec tells Chris he's tired of Chris's bullying and now understands how right Mao has been in giving Chris a hard time. After deftly pointing out how Chris is nothing but a troll, Chris steps away from the phone and [[Challenge for Clyde|hides behind his mother's skirt]] by impersonating [[Barbara Chandler|her]] and pretending she is calling Chris to take care of their [[Chandler cats|cat]]; he then comes back to the phone to tell a furious Alec that he has to leave.<br />
<br />
==Call 6==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 6}}<br />
Alec goes through an even more deliberate process to step Chris through what's necessary to get the CWCipedia ads removed. Chris spends much of the call blowing Alec off and very strongly suggests that he's not going to budge on certain demands. For instance, he calls the demand to remove Simonchu from his comic "debatable" and at one point says he will not kill Simonla off, despite it being made clear that he must do these things to get the ads removed. There's a brief discussion where Chris says he didn't mean to [[Basement Rosechus|insinuate that Alec kept women in his basement in cages to rape them]], only that he was keeping them like pets. Scantily-clad abused pets. They discuss Chris's misunderstanding of words (such as "naïve") and figures of speech (Chris says if someone exclaimed figuratively, "just shoot me," he wouldn't ''necessarily'' shoot them). They talk further about Chris's update schedule, or lack thereof, and how easy it is for Chris's Sonichu Empire to get derailed. Chris tries to rationalize stealing the intellectual properties of others while complaining about Alec stealing from him. Chris firmly believes he will not be sued by Hasbro, Nintendo, or Sega if he tries to make money off Sonichu, and points to him not yet being sued as proof. Alec implores Chris to come up with something original before he gets sued, but his words surprisingly fall on deaf ears. Alec explains that he's ultimately trying to help Chris and it's very frustrating that he doesn't seem to care, and warns Chris that while he's been more than forgiving thus far, he has essentially run out of chances.<br />
<br />
==Call 7==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 7}}<br />
At this point, Evan has frozen the CWCipedia due to Chris's stubbornness regarding Simonla and Simonchu. Despite the unmistakable clarity of Alec's requests in the previous call, Chris still delivers [[5_February_2010|an unsatisfactory apology]] leaving many items out. Chris complains that his computer has not been running right and now he can't get into CWCipedia to make updates or right the wrongs he never intended to right. Alec accuses Chris of not caring about Sonichu at all, citing his handling of the issue and inability to maintain a working computer. As he did with [[Kacey]] during the [[Father Call]] when he was accused of not caring about her and being unwilling to do right by her, Chris insists that's not true though he provides no evidence to counter the claims. When Alec shows Chris that he's putting far more effort into video games, sleeping, and attacking Alec than he does into his comic, Chris hangs up on him. <br />
<br />
==Call 8==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8}}<br />
After being summoned for yet another call to discuss the presence of Sonichu Revolution on CWCipedia, Alec complains about Chris's failure to upload his comics and calls him out on his hypocrisy.<br />
<br />
==Call 9==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9}}<br />
Alec calls up Chris a ninth time, this time to discuss his reasoning for the final pages of [[Sonichu 10]], his understanding of copyright, and the importance of [[Christian Love Day]].<br />
<br />
==YouTube==<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNQNdjFES7o The first call on YouTube]<br />
<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGB99JTZJes The second call on YouTube]<br />
<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XaH3RRyXZ0 The third call on YouTube]<br />
<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18pBOGTVDYo The fourth call on YouTube]<br />
<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=043M89cXAlU The fifth call on YouTube]<br />
<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBPdXXFnvzU The sixth call on YouTube]<br />
<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRH_7Puy6jY The seventh call on YouTube]<br />
<br />
==See Also==<br />
[[Chris and negotiation]]<br />
<br />
[[Category:Phone calls]]<br />
[[Category: Asperchu Saga]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Mary_Lee_Walsh&diff=136887Mary Lee Walsh2011-03-06T05:22:38Z<p>Kyweaver: </p>
<hr />
<div>{{quote|You're not gonna get a Girlfriend, this way or any way.|Mary, as quoted by Chris.}}<br />
<br />
[[Image:Sonichu07-P38.jpg|thumb|Mary Lee Walsh, as she appears in the [[comic]] (and in [[CWCipedia]]). Chris draws her tits almost as big as his fans do.]]<br />
<br />
'''Mary Lee Walsh''' is a proto-[[troll]] who thwarted [[Chris]]'s [[Love Quest]] by ripping up his [[Attraction Sign]] and suspending him from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]. She is one of the most important people in Chris's history, as she is one of the few people who saw through Chris's [[autistic]] bullshit and tried to make him act like a normal human being. <br />
<br />
The resulting conflict between Chris and Mary Lee affected Chris so profoundly that she became the sole focus of many early ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' [[Sub-Episodes]]. Even to this day, she is still the one of the chief villains in the ''Sonichu'' series, a status that even [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Liquid Chris]] could never match. As such, she is revered and cherished among trolls for her actions, both in real life, and in ''Sonichu'' fanfic. All hail the Dean!<br />
<br />
By early [[2009]], Chris had begun to express a desire for reconciliation with Walsh, beginning with his [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retcon]] of the fictional Mary's name to the slightly less defamatory '''Slaweel Ryam'''. For the next several months Chris made conciliatory gestures, including a drawing sent to her house, to which she responded with a legal summons. Since then, Chris has accepted that Walsh will never be able to truly earn his forgiveness.<br />
<br />
==Mary Lee Walsh in real life==<br />
[[Image:MaryLeeWalsh-IRL.JPG|thumb|right|Contrary to how she is rendered in various media, Mary Lee Walsh is not a very attractive in person.]]<br />
Walsh is the Dean of Student Affairs at the PVCC and a member of the [[Virginia]] Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance (srsly<ref>[http://www.vadv.org/secGetHelp/Directory%20of%20Services/campusprgms_p-z.html]</ref>). In the past, Chris had been scolded by her for passing around photocopies of his ''[[Sonichu's News Dash]]'' newsletter, and she finally delivered the crushing blow when Chris was loitering with his usual [[sign|attraction sign]]. [[Chris and Reality|According to Chris]] Walsh tore down his sign and told him that he would never get a girlfriend this way, or indeed at all.<br />
<br />
Chris, being the narcissist he is, disregarded her warnings and continued to place ads for his "love quest" all over the PVCC campus. Walsh, most likely pissed off that this retard kept defying her authority, took Chris to her office to discuss the situation with him. After what Chris described as being "talked down...to RUDELY AND HOARSELY," he attacked her in a fit of [[Chris and anger|tard rage]]. This resulted in a year-long expulsion from PVCC. He was forced to take [[anger]] management classes and get psychiatric help before he was readmitted.<ref name="wikipedia">[[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Enter_the_Wicked_Witch_of_the_Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens|User:ChrisChanSonichu]]</ref><br />
<br />
===Soul-crusher===<br />
<br />
{{quotebox|So, as of August, [[2003|Y2K3]], I did [[autism|the most logical, sensible and inexpensive idea I could think of]], I made a simple [[sign]] that stated, "I am a 21-year old and Single Male Seeking and 18-21-year old SINGLE [[Gal-pal|FEMALE COMPANION]]", along with a basic description of qualities I felt were best suited, due to the fact that it describe MOST every [[Boyfriend-free girl|Boyfriend-Free]], 18-21year old Girl. Sadly though, not a single one even gave me a glanced, a momentary pause or even an excuse-making throat clearing to read the sign or give me the time of day. And the few who noticed... That EVIL WITCH OF THE [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens|PrivateVilla of Corrupted Citizens]], Mary Lee Walsh, a bunch of Non-Blue or [[Black]] impersonating [[Jerkops|JERKOPS]], [[Manajerks]] and every other (only a few total) son/daughter of a #@&*.. MOCKED ME AND EVEN CRUMBLED MY EFFORTS AND THREW THEM INTO MY FACE! IT WAS SERIOUS HEART-SHATTERING INSULTS LIKE THAT WHICH LITERALLY SHATTERED MY HEART TO ALMOST NOTHING AND MURDERED MY SOUL! Like as if I didn't already understand that [[Love]] Can't be Hurried; but they ALL left a HUGE IMPRESSION among the general population that having a [[Sweetheart]] was ILLEGAL IN VIRGINIA thus, "[[Virginia is for Virgins|VIRGINIA IS FOR VIRGINS, NOT LOVERS!]]" was what I had thought for a long time with the Dark Forces that were forced into me, bedding with my torturing past with the [[jerks]] of the [[Greene County]] School System during the childhood years of my life. Thank [[GodJesus|God]] for blessing me with many happy years at [[Providence Middle School]] and [[Manchester High School]] in Chesterfield; rounding my feelings and attitude out for today.}}<br />
<br />
===Emails with Mary===<br />
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF"><br />
'''From: CWCSonichu@aol.com'''<br><br />
'''Sent: Sunday, February 01, 2004 1:22 PM'''<br><br />
'''To: mwalsh@pvcc.edu'''<br><br />
'''Subject: Hi again...'''<br />
<br />
Mary, I've slept on it, and I have realized that note-hanging is not the way to get attention. And I don't really want to meet with either you nor Susan, no offense. I'll tell you what, let's forget the meeting, and if you will allow my newsletter to stay in distribution, I will do all of the following:<br />
<br />
-I will never hang notes on the wall again.<br><br />
-I'll consider stopping my Silent Treatment on Susan.<br><br />
-I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my scale of Respect each by 2 points (0=No Respect...10=Respect).<br><br />
<br />
Please reply via E-Mail.<br />
<br />
Christian C.<br />
</div><br />
<br><br />
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF"><br />
'''From: Mary Lee Walsh <mwalsh@pvcc.edu>'''<br><br />
'''To: CWCSonichu@aol.com'''<br><br />
'''Sent: Tue, 3 Feb 2004 8:54 am'''<br><br />
'''Subject: RE: Hi again...'''<br />
<br />
Christian:<br />
Susan Hannifan and I will be able to meet with you on Monday February 9th in my office at 3:00 p.m. I do not have any time this week that works with all of our schedules, so it will have to be next Monday. I normally send students notice of appointments by mail, but you have asked that I correspond to you through email. It is necessary that this meeting take place, so if Monday is not convenient for you please let me know and we will set a time for Wednesday.</div><br />
<br><br />
<div style="border:1px dotted #4682B4;padding:5px; background-color:#F0F8FF"><br />
'''From: CWCSonichu@aol.com'''<br><br />
'''To: Virginia_Sanford@ccpsnet.net'''<br><br />
'''Sent: Wed, 21 Feb 2007 3:32:50 PM Eastern Standard Time'''<br><br />
'''Subject: Re: Hello'''<br />
<br />
Hey, Mrs. Sanford (or should I say Ginny or [[Virginia]] ), I am delighted to hear from you as well. And It is also good to know that you are still residing at that address. The [[DVD]] is under production, to be completed a few days after February 24, [[2007]] (my 25th Birthday...Yay).<br />
<br />
You may be able to help me in a portion of it now; there will be a [[Slideshow]] (projected from my [[PlayStation Portable]]) featuring not only pics of me growing up, but the friends, teachers and relatives I've known and remembered (either from heart, like yourself, as well as yearbook signatures). Anyway, do you remember from the ol' class, Sarah and Micha (the blonde girl with glasses, and the slow-talking african american who Ms. Eckel told over and over [[Hypocrisy|to get his dad to teach him how to shave]])? I remembered both of them from heart, but unfortunately I don't remember their last names, so it's harder to find them in the yearbooks; could you tell me their last names, please?<br />
<br />
<font style="background-color: #87CEEB">As for what had happened during PVCC, in a nutshell; about Mid-Summer, 2003, I've realize upon revolation[sic] that I needed a girl friend to make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up, so with a sign (which I've later realized that it made me look slow-minded; the "R" Word), I've started my Enduring Love Quest. The Dean of Student Serveces[sic], Mary Lee Walsh came out and tore my sign up right in front of me, and said, "You're not gonna get a Girlfriend this way or any way." That *&^%$ SHATTERED MY HEART AND MURDERED MY SOUL. And it wasn't just her, the Policemen Imposters in Brown, White and Red, AKA The Jerkops (Blue and Black ARE the TRUE POLICE SOLDIERS) also seriously indented the impression that "Virgina is for Virgins, NOT Lovers".</font><br />
<br />
But it has a happy ending; in Mid-[[2005]], when I've started playing the [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] TCG, I met [[Megan|this girl]] who upon numerous conversations, art-sharing and secret confidence, I've grown fond of, and my Heart and Soul Recovered from the Serious Emotional and Physical Pain I've endured. Although she's not intrested[sic] in a serious relationship, I still am fond of her, and I'm hoping that she may have a change of heart.<br />
<br />
You may learn more about what had happened to me from the Sub-Episodes in my "Sonichu" Comic Book, which I have the legable [''sic''] images uploaded onto my [[CWC's Sonichu Site!]]; those Sub-Episodes are based on my Real-Life Events. *[[sigh]]*<br />
<br />
Well, that's about it for now; I hope you do well as well. And I will make that DVD copy for you after I've finalized the master copy. Please tell the remaing[sic] faculty who are still working at Providence that I wish them the best as well. I still remember Mrs. Rogers (my ol' computer teacher) when she played as Woodstock in the [[1990s#1996|1996]] "Snoopy" play; that was just fun and cute. :)<br />
<br />
Take care;<br />
Christian Weston Chandler, A.K.A. (nickname) Chris Chan. <br />
</div><br />
<br />
==Mary Lee Walsh in ''Sonichu''==<br />
[[Image:MachPunch.jpg|thumb|THIS IS WHAT CHRIS ACTUALLY BELIEVES.]][[Image:MaryWantsIt.JPG|thumb|Despite the fact that Chris hates Mary Lee Walsh, this didn't stop him from picking up his markers and making hideous porn of her.]]<br />
Because of all the [[stress]] Mary Lee Walsh caused, Chris obsessed over his HEART-SHATTERING defeat and had to re-invent the entire scenario so that he came out as the victor. Chris began to turn her into a villain in his mind, envisioning himself as a conquering hero. Walsh begins to appear in a lot of Chris's works as the ever-present antagonist opposing his [[Love Quest]].<br />
<br />
{{quote|After the first encounter with Mary, I put her into my comics from the start as MY personal MAIN Adversary, with her hoard[sic] of Impostor Police People, also known as [[Jerkop]]s, and the Notorious [[Count Graduon]] trapped in the glass orb on the scepter she wields.|Chris, failing to remember that the comic series was supposed to be about Sonichu, not him}}<br />
<br />
In the comics, Walsh appears as a literal witch, complete with a broomstick, sinister grin and pitchfork. In a witty [[parody]], she is the leader of the [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], or PVCC. She is motivated by a hatred of true love and people who seek it, making her a fitting adversary for the heartsick Chris and the deeply monogamous Sonichu. As the "witch of hearts," Walsh's broader goal is to wage war against love itself, although her only real tactic is send [[jerkops]] into [[CWCville]] to beat up anyone engaging in romance. For some reason, she considers cock-blocking Chris to be of vital importance to her goals, even though Chris does a pretty good job of that himself. <br />
<br />
Mary's first appearances in the comics are in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], via a brief preview and several short comic strips that don't formally introduce her; her formal debut in the canon is in [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]]. Curiously, Chris and Mary are already bitter enemies, and Chris never explains the exact source of their hostility beyond stating that she once shattered his heart and she is frustrated by his dogged persistence in searching for love. It is, however, made immediately clear that their feud has become intensely personal; both characters are fully prepared to fight to the death.<br />
<br />
In [[Sonichu 2|''Sonichu'' #2]] Chris ties together the ancient evil of the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] with his own petty grudges by teaming Mary with [[Count Graduon]]. Imprisoned in a magical scepter, Graduon's power is wielded by Walsh for much of the series. Together, Graduon and Walsh seem to represent all of Chris's misgivings about adult life--the trauma of graduating his beloved [[high school]] and the stress of his collegiate career. However, in [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]] Chris also gains the powers of [[Chris-chan Sonichu]], escalating the battle between a chubby virgin and a old lady to an epic struggle between a ridiculous Sonic recolor and an old lady with a scepter.<br />
<br />
During her reign of terror Walsh threatened the city of CWCville on multiple occasions. In ''Sonichu'' #2, she and Graduon create a golem to stomp the city. Much of the action in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' #4]] involves Chris fending off Walsh's agents, until he and [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] finally storm PVCC and liberate the college from her evil. (Mary simply relocates to [[Menchi-Nasu High]] to establish a new base of operations.) In [[Sonichu 5|''Sonichu'' #5]] she floods the town with her army of [[Jerkops]] to stage a coup against Chris and his loyal police force. When this plan begins to collapse she and Graduon attempt to trap Chris in a [[Dark Mirror Hole]], but are only successful in ensnaring his Crystal. When Chris later became stuck in the [[Time Void]] in [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] , Mary seized the opportunity and prepared to attack CWCville in her most audacious invasion yet, laying siege with vast armies of [[Transformers|Decepticlones]] in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] and causing untold damage before being defeated by Sonichu. Her evil was finally put to an end in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] when Chris used the power of the [[Sonichu Balls]] to become [[Collosal Chris-Chan]]. He then destroyed Graduon's scepter and easily overpowered her, leaving her paralyzed before sending her to prison.<br />
<br />
A consistent theme in Mary's story arc is she is to blame for everything. Just as, in real life, Chris believed that Walsh was somehow the singular author of all his misfortunes, in the comics Mary really is the one pulling all the strings. Virtually all of her Jerkops are simply victims of brainwashing. Many of her other followers show the potential for good, but she herself is beyond redemption. Even Count Graduon finds her to be selfish and wicked, thinking only of her petty squabbles with Chris and never about helping him get free from his scepter.<br />
<br />
===Renaming and retcons===<br />
[[Image:143-MaryLeeWalsh.jpg|thumb|Anyone but Hslaw Eel Yram!]]<br />
<br />
As a result of the [[Miyamoto Saga]], many characters based on real-life figures were renamed. In a remarkable display of subtlety, Mary Lee Walsh became '''"Slaweel Ryam"''' or '''"Slaweel the Witch"'''. This is very subtle - as one can see, the name is not ''entirely'' backwards, and there are letters missing! No one will figure this out - especially when the notice regarding the name change, with old and new names, was posted prominently on the [[CWC's Sonichu Site!|Sonichu.net]] front page. Walsh being one of the primary villains in both the comic and real life, Chris obviously didn't want to change the name to an entirely unrecognizable form (that would require originality, which Chris obviously lacks). The name seems to be an evolution of '''"Hslaw Eel Yram"''', which was Chris's version of MLW in his custom [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] cards: in all likelihood, he had only used the "reverse code" as a means to insult Mary with the card without fear of getting in trouble if someone saw said card.<br />
<br />
In [[August 2009]], Chris put up a [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=TwoMarys page on CWCipedia entitled 'TwoMarys'] where he tried to explain the retconning of Mary Lee Walsh's name to Slaweel Ryam. Basically, the evil Mary Lee Walsh had been Slaweel all along, except Slaweel changed her name from Mary Lee Walsh to Slaweel Ryam later on, while the ''real'' Mary was innocent the whole time. This of course makes [[List of Chris's lies|absolutely no sense]] as Chris has changed ''every'' instance of the "evil" Mary's name to Slaweel in the most recent edits of his comics, even during her introduction in ''Sonichu'' #0 where her character is introduced as "Slaweel the Witch" and not Mary Lee Walsh. Chris has essentially created a paradox in his comic's timeline - he's made a [[:File:Apology_to_Mary_Lee.jpg|comic]] where Slaweel, caught by Chris and the police, apologizes to Mary for ruining her good name, but the way he's retconned it Slaweel [[Fail|hasn't really had a chance to ruin Mary's name in the first place]]. Another glaring contradiction is that Slaweel says in the apology comic that she's ''"sorry for using [Mary's] name in vain and when I constructed P.V.C.Citizens, and made [Mary] look a fool for about six years"'' but on the [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=TwoMarys 'TwoMarys' page], this caption appears below a picture of Slaweel Ryam:<br />
<br />
{{quote|This Mary later changed her name to Slaweel Ryam, and she was creating witch brew during night hours and sharing them illegally with the bums outside of the building; she was fired from PVCC '''then went on to build PVCCitizens'''.|Chris, demonstrating his inability to create a cohesive plot.}}<br />
<br />
==Mary Lee Walsh in ''Soul Calibur''==<br />
{{main|Soul Calibur}}<br />
<br />
It is debatable whether or not Chris ever attempted to physically harm Mary Lee Walsh, but in a video he uploaded to [[YouTube]], Chris lives out his fantasy of beating the tar out of Mrs. Walsh. Chris created himself and many other real life friends and enemies in the [[video game]] ''Soul Calibur III'', so that he could take out his pent up [[Virgin with rage|rage]] in the most disturbing, passive-aggressive manner possible. [[Fail|It should be noted that Chris is terrible at ''Soul Calibur'', and appears to struggle with defeating an AI-controlled Mary Lee Walsh on the easiest setting.]]<br />
<br />
==Possible reconciliation==<br />
[[Image:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|thumb|Notice that Chris isn't sorry for the shit he did to warrant her anger, only that he let someone with her name run around. And why bother having two separate Mary Lee Walshes if he made her Slaweel?]]<br />
<br />
Beyond his efforts to retcon the fictional Mary, Chris began reexamining Mary's value to society by describing her good works on CWCipedia to distinguish her from "Slaweel":<br />
<br />
{{quote|This Mary replaced the previous one in mid-2000; she has done a good job with her role as Dean of Student Services. She is Currently and To Be Respected with Open Kindness and Prosperity from ALL the Piedmont Virginia Commuinity College Students, Peers and Employees.|Chris, CWCipedia<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=TwoMarys</ref>}}<br />
<br />
The article rambles on, strongly suggesting he used a quick Google search for "research", detailing this Mary's many achievements and services to the Piedmont Virginia Community College. However, the whole piece carries an insincere tone, suggesting Chris was compelled to recognize Mary as a [[reality|real person]] as some sort of therapeutic measure. Keep in mind, however, that he doesn't acknowledge that the ''real woman'' he interacted with wasn't a horned-hat wearing witch; simply that this Mary Lee Walsh was replaced (in the ''real world'') by a good duplicate. In a very sad way, Chris seems to find it easier to rewrite reality than his own fantasy world.<br />
<br />
Mary was named on the CWCipedia Chris's first "Woman of The (ANY) Month to Respect with Authority and Kindness" for the month of August.<ref>http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Template:Christian_Says</ref><br />
<br />
In his edited version of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page, he clarifies that he forgave Mary Lee Walsh for her "past misdeeds" (even though Chris himself was entirely at fault in all of their encounters). According to his edits, he also hand-delivered a framed copy of his "apology" to her office, and she thanked him by telling his parents not to let their retard son on her campus anymore.<br />
<br />
Apparently, Mary didn't give a shit and Chris was crushed.<br />
<br />
{{quote|Besides which, that b**** "Dean", Mary Lee Walsh, AFTER I personally went over and handed her a Framed Hand-Drawn Apology of my angst against her, SHE SENT ME A TRESPASSING NOTICE! While my family and I did NOT accept it, and sent it back to her, I must say that is one hell of a "Thank You" for going through the trouble and gas usage to Personally Apologize and Make Peace.|Chris, Mailbag 26<ref>[[Mailbag 26]]</ref>}}<br />
<br />
==[[:Category:Mary_Lee_Walsh|Fan art]]==<br />
[[Image:Mary-lee-Walsh.jpg|thumb|[[Mass debating|For some reason]], Mary has become a frequent subject of pictures like this.]]<br />
<br />
In Chris's artwork, Mary Lee Walsh has long gray hair and wears a golden helmet with red horns on it. However, Chris being Chris, he would often neglect to draw her hair (and her fingers, and her feet, and her nose...) at all. In the early days of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page it was inferred that Walsh's helmet was in fact a blonde bob cut, and the horns were growing out of her head like those of a devil. Additionally, once it became clear that Chris was viewing the page it became fashionable to mess with him by depicting Mary (whom he despised) as a sexy cartoon girl (which he was sure to fap to). As a result, the most influential depictions of Mary have been Rule 34 fan art, depicting her as a voluptuous blonde with devil horns (and occasionally a tail), wearing (at most) a skimpy purple miniskirt and thigh-high boots.<br />
{{clear}}<br />
{{collapsible<br />
|Here be DAT ASS. Mostly NSFW.<br />
|<gallery perrow=4><br />
Image:126473378631.JPG<br />
Image:12670593995.JPG<br />
Image:127128115082.jpg<br />
Image:184947 - Chris-chan Jerkops ROSECHU Sonichu mary lee walsh.JPG<br />
Image:204421 - Chris-chan Sonichu mary lee walsh.jpg<br />
Image:37820426 mary lee walsh sonichu.jpg<br />
Image:45422 - Chris-chan Sonichu mary lee walsh.JPG<br />
Image:Cc5.jpg<br />
Image:E6224fea4f4247159177c5f48e077b17.jpg<br />
Image:Lesath-Walsh.png<br />
Image:Makeitup.png<br />
Image:Mary Lee Walsh and her world by Plombard.jpg<br />
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by churippu.JPG<br />
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by judassnogger.JPG<br />
Image:Mary Lee Walsh by The Best Sappho.jpg<br />
Image:Mary Lee Walsh Vore by Metalforever.jpg<br />
Image:Mary Xmas by Scarlet Rose.jpg<br />
Image:Maryleewalsh.jpg<br />
Image:Mlw.png<br />
Image:MLW attacks by Plombard.jpg<br />
Image:MLWsis.png<br />
Image:Mlwsonichu34.png<br />
Image:Mlwsonichu342.png<br />
Image:SF page 18 by Plombard.jpg<br />
Image:Sonichu by Plombard.jpg<br />
Image:Curse those damn trolls by amazing toaster-d30xau7.jpg<br />
Image:Sonichu Finale 2 Page 23 by Plombard.jpg<br />
Image:Sonichu fanart Mary Lee Walsh by baddleebadd.jpg<br />
Image:Sonichu VS Mary Lee Walsh.jpg<br />
Image:SonichusiteMary.jpg<br />
Image:Spazkid mary lee walsh.png<br />
Image:The dean in her heaven by Plombard.png<br />
</gallery>}}<br />
<br />
==Sauces==<br />
<references/><br />
<br />
==See also==<br />
{{CWCipedia|chris=TwoMarys}}<br />
{{Fan art}} <br />
*[[Count Graduon]]<br />
*[[Piedmont Virginia Community College]]<br />
*[[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]]<br />
*[[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|Retroactive continuity in ''Sonichu'']]<br />
*[[Attraction Sign]]<br />
<br />
==External links==<br />
*[http://zabukawaii.deviantart.com/art/The-origin-of-Slaweel-146885649 Fanfiction: The origin of Slaweel]<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLCsZpcTSg0 Harry D and the PVCC girls: "Jerkop Bebob"]<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZyH5Y9SpQY Harry D's Live Drawing.]<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8dAntFOZxg CWC Sketch- MLW Pt 1]<br />
<br />
{{Sonichu}}<br />
{{People}}<br />
<br />
{{DEFAULTSORT:Walsh, Mary Lee}}<br />
[[Category:Real people who have appeared in Sonichu comics]]<br />
[[Category:Villains]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Talk:Asperchu&diff=135920Talk:Asperchu2011-03-02T18:05:04Z<p>Kyweaver: /* Asperpedia */</p>
<hr />
<div>So the consensus seems to be that We should have a main namespace article for Asperchu. I tweaked my Alec Benson Leary article a bit, and now here we are. I hope it doesn't suck too bad.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 17:27, 11 January 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
==Phone calls==<br />
While transcripts are all well and good, would it be possible to but the mp3 links back onto the pages? [[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 06:16, 10 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
==The last Asperchu ad==<br />
<br />
Did anyone save it? Because a text-only description doesn't seem up to par, and we have the other ads up, so... [[User:N. Onymous|N. Onymous]] 23:39, 21 April 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
[[File:Sonichu0.jpg|thumb|center]]<br />
<br />
[[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000]] 01:27, 22 April 2010 (UTC)<br />
==Alec Benson Leary==<br />
Is now the subject of 9 phone calls, loads of e-mails (most recently [[CWCki:Community Portal#An attempt to rebuild old bridges|one leaked to the community portal]]). He's also the first example of the very subtle sort of trolling, later used to great effect by Jackie.<br />
<br />
I think he's now a separate enough entity from asperchu that he deserves his own page.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 18:52, 25 April 2010 (UTC)<br />
*Indeed. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000]] 21:50, 25 April 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Asperpedia ==<br />
<br />
Anyone else notice that there were new Asperchu comics posted only a few days ago?<br />
:It was mentioned in IRC, but I don't know why people don't care more about it. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 08:51, 2 March 2011 (PST)<br />
<br />
Personally I think its due to the Chris's hiatus. [[User:Kyweaver|Kyweaver]] 12:01, 2 March 2011 (CST)</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Talk:Asperchu&diff=135919Talk:Asperchu2011-03-02T18:04:55Z<p>Kyweaver: /* Asperpedia */</p>
<hr />
<div>So the consensus seems to be that We should have a main namespace article for Asperchu. I tweaked my Alec Benson Leary article a bit, and now here we are. I hope it doesn't suck too bad.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 17:27, 11 January 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
==Phone calls==<br />
While transcripts are all well and good, would it be possible to but the mp3 links back onto the pages? [[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 06:16, 10 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
==The last Asperchu ad==<br />
<br />
Did anyone save it? Because a text-only description doesn't seem up to par, and we have the other ads up, so... [[User:N. Onymous|N. Onymous]] 23:39, 21 April 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
[[File:Sonichu0.jpg|thumb|center]]<br />
<br />
[[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000]] 01:27, 22 April 2010 (UTC)<br />
==Alec Benson Leary==<br />
Is now the subject of 9 phone calls, loads of e-mails (most recently [[CWCki:Community Portal#An attempt to rebuild old bridges|one leaked to the community portal]]). He's also the first example of the very subtle sort of trolling, later used to great effect by Jackie.<br />
<br />
I think he's now a separate enough entity from asperchu that he deserves his own page.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 18:52, 25 April 2010 (UTC)<br />
*Indeed. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000]] 21:50, 25 April 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Asperpedia ==<br />
<br />
Anyone else notice that there were new Asperchu comics posted only a few days ago?<br />
:It was mentioned in IRC, but I don't know why people don't care more about it. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 08:51, 2 March 2011 (PST)<br />
<br />
Personally I think its due to the Chris's hiatus. [[User:Kyweaver|Kyweaver]] 12:01, 2 March 2011 (CST)</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Talk:Asperchu&diff=135918Talk:Asperchu2011-03-02T18:04:38Z<p>Kyweaver: /* Asperpedia */</p>
<hr />
<div>So the consensus seems to be that We should have a main namespace article for Asperchu. I tweaked my Alec Benson Leary article a bit, and now here we are. I hope it doesn't suck too bad.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 17:27, 11 January 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
==Phone calls==<br />
While transcripts are all well and good, would it be possible to but the mp3 links back onto the pages? [[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 06:16, 10 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
==The last Asperchu ad==<br />
<br />
Did anyone save it? Because a text-only description doesn't seem up to par, and we have the other ads up, so... [[User:N. Onymous|N. Onymous]] 23:39, 21 April 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
[[File:Sonichu0.jpg|thumb|center]]<br />
<br />
[[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000]] 01:27, 22 April 2010 (UTC)<br />
==Alec Benson Leary==<br />
Is now the subject of 9 phone calls, loads of e-mails (most recently [[CWCki:Community Portal#An attempt to rebuild old bridges|one leaked to the community portal]]). He's also the first example of the very subtle sort of trolling, later used to great effect by Jackie.<br />
<br />
I think he's now a separate enough entity from asperchu that he deserves his own page.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 18:52, 25 April 2010 (UTC)<br />
*Indeed. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000]] 21:50, 25 April 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Asperpedia ==<br />
<br />
Anyone else notice that there were new Asperchu comics posted only a few days ago?<br />
:It was mentioned in IRC, but I don't know why people don't care more about it. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 08:51, 2 March 2011 (PST)<br />
: Personally I think its due to the Chris's hiatus. [[User:Kyweaver|Kyweaver]] 12:01, 2 March 2011 (CST)</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Talk:Asperchu&diff=135916Talk:Asperchu2011-03-02T18:01:07Z<p>Kyweaver: </p>
<hr />
<div>So the consensus seems to be that We should have a main namespace article for Asperchu. I tweaked my Alec Benson Leary article a bit, and now here we are. I hope it doesn't suck too bad.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 17:27, 11 January 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
==Phone calls==<br />
While transcripts are all well and good, would it be possible to but the mp3 links back onto the pages? [[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 06:16, 10 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
==The last Asperchu ad==<br />
<br />
Did anyone save it? Because a text-only description doesn't seem up to par, and we have the other ads up, so... [[User:N. Onymous|N. Onymous]] 23:39, 21 April 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
[[File:Sonichu0.jpg|thumb|center]]<br />
<br />
[[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000]] 01:27, 22 April 2010 (UTC)<br />
==Alec Benson Leary==<br />
Is now the subject of 9 phone calls, loads of e-mails (most recently [[CWCki:Community Portal#An attempt to rebuild old bridges|one leaked to the community portal]]). He's also the first example of the very subtle sort of trolling, later used to great effect by Jackie.<br />
<br />
I think he's now a separate enough entity from asperchu that he deserves his own page.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 18:52, 25 April 2010 (UTC)<br />
*Indeed. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000]] 21:50, 25 April 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Asperpedia ==<br />
<br />
Anyone else notice that there were new Asperchu comics posted only a few days ago?<br />
:It was mentioned in IRC, but I don't know why people don't care more about it. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] [[User_talk:Freecell|(t]]/[[Special:Contributions/Freecell|c)]] 08:51, 2 March 2011 (PST)</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Talk:Asperchu&diff=135912Talk:Asperchu2011-03-02T16:50:23Z<p>Kyweaver: /* Asperpedia */ new section</p>
<hr />
<div>So the consensus seems to be that We should have a main namespace article for Asperchu. I tweaked my Alec Benson Leary article a bit, and now here we are. I hope it doesn't suck too bad.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 17:27, 11 January 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
==Phone calls==<br />
While transcripts are all well and good, would it be possible to but the mp3 links back onto the pages? [[User:Isarko|Isarko]] 06:16, 10 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
==The last Asperchu ad==<br />
<br />
Did anyone save it? Because a text-only description doesn't seem up to par, and we have the other ads up, so... [[User:N. Onymous|N. Onymous]] 23:39, 21 April 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
[[File:Sonichu0.jpg|thumb|center]]<br />
<br />
[[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000]] 01:27, 22 April 2010 (UTC)<br />
==Alec Benson Leary==<br />
Is now the subject of 9 phone calls, loads of e-mails (most recently [[CWCki:Community Portal#An attempt to rebuild old bridges|one leaked to the community portal]]). He's also the first example of the very subtle sort of trolling, later used to great effect by Jackie.<br />
<br />
I think he's now a separate enough entity from asperchu that he deserves his own page.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 18:52, 25 April 2010 (UTC)<br />
*Indeed. [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000]] 21:50, 25 April 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Asperpedia ==<br />
<br />
Anyone else notice that there were new Aperchu comics posted only a few days ago?</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Lego&diff=135116Lego2011-02-26T00:40:58Z<p>Kyweaver: </p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image:118-LegoCWC.jpg|thumb|Chris is just as [[fail]] in his Lego form as in any other.]]<br />
<br />
'''Lego'''™ is a brand of plastic building block [[toys]]. They are noted for their durability and ease of use allowing the creation of almost anything imaginable. <br />
<br />
[[Chris]] has relied heavily on Lego blocks to put his creations into reality. They were a staple gift during his childhood [[Christmas]], his late teens, and his early twenties. The truth is, there are many AFOLs (Adult Fan Of Lego) around the world; some of them are even in their 40s and have families. In the video game industry, respected designers like [[Metal Gear Solid|Hideo Kojima]] think Lego makes building level prototypes easy. Chris obviously isn't quite there yet.<br />
<br />
== Chris Lego Brick creations ==<br />
[[Image:0823-EP12-5P6-3.jpg|Panoramic vista of [[CWCville]], in all its blocky glory.|thumb]]<br />
<br />
* [[Pixelated PS3]] (also made with [[Pixelblocks]])<br />
* Model [[CWCville]]<br />
* [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway|''Mario Kart 64'' Lego Raceway]]<br />
* [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|''Titanic''-like boat]]<br />
* [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag "Heavy-duty case"] to hold his [[Card_games#Pok.C3.A9mon_TCG|''Pokémon'']] card decks, acknowledged by Chris as one of his most noteworthy [[inventions]] (also held together with tape).<br />
<br />
Chris has also found other uses for his Lego besides simply building stuff. In his [[Vivitheg's AIM chat|AIM chat]] with Vivian Gee, he noted that he uses his Lego figurines to "rehearse" imaginary conversations with women.<br />
<br />
== Influences ==<br />
Bionicle, a very successful line of sets based on the adventures of biomechanical beings each gifted with elemental powers, may have (along with ''[[Pokémon]]'') influenced the creation of the [[Chaotic Combo]]. It should be noted, however, that the former came out about four years later than the latter, so ''Pokémon'' likely left their imprint first, especially since it had more elemental types.<br />
<br />
Inspired by his [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway|''Mario Kart 64'' Lego Raceway]], [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] have a pair of Lego go-karts [[:File:SchuComic9P35.jpg|in their garage]], the only vehicles they are shown to possess. This raises a number of problems; firstly, we are expected to believe that a bunch of giant plastic blocks, held together by frictional force alone, without visible seatbelts or a rollover cage, constitutes a road-safe vehicle. Second, each kart can only seat one individual. That's fine and dandy for the two adults, but where does that leave their children? Lastly, as they lack proper seats and possess a studded surface, they would be uncomfortable to drive in.<br />
<br />
== 启蒙 (Enlighten) Bricks Police Station set==<br />
[[Image:Comparisonsmall2.jpg|thumb|One of these things is not like the other...]]<br />
In one of Chris's birthday photos he is seen holding what appears to be a new Lego "6332-1 - Command Post Central".<ref>Link to Peeron page on set [http://www.peeron.com/inv/sets/6332-1 "6332-1 Command Post Central"]</ref> Upon further inspection it is apparent that is merely a rebranded 启蒙 Bricks "POLICE SERIES" set which is almost a direct clone of the original Lego set. Presumably the 启蒙 Bricks logo was altered by a third party and replaced with "LEGO bricks". Chris's parents probably bought it relatively cheap at a discount store that carries knock-off brands, so it's not like they were shopping for a quality present for Chris in the first place. It should be noted that 启蒙 Bricks are much more fragile than Lego and are of generally much poorer quality than Lego sets are, something that probably went unnoticed by Chris.<br />
<br />
==Gallery==<br />
<center><br />
{{collapsible<br />
|Gallery of Lego|<gallery perrow=5><br />
Image:0092-Christians14th.jpg|Spyrius, fuck yeah! Christian's 14th birthday.<br />
Image:0790-CMas05-5.jpg|Chris and his new Lego in [[2005]]. Proof of pirated toy, look at the "Brick" font. Note that he is ''23'' in this photo.<br />
Image:0784-LegoPS3-1.JPG|The [[pixelated PS3]] of fail.<br />
Image:0128-Christmas96-6.jpg|Chris and his new Lego in [[1996]].<br />
Image:400-LegKrt1.jpg|If you have no idea how to make your own Lego Go-Cart, Chris has your back.<br />
Image:401-LegKrt2.jpg<br />
Image:0424-CwcvilleBandStand1.jpg|A Lego gift to [[Cole Smithey]], perhaps Chris's first [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)|band]]?<br />
Image:0425-CwcvilleBandStand2.jpg|A better view.<br />
Image:0426-InformationCenter1.jpg|A model of the Information Center from Lego Island.<br />
Image:0427-InformationCenter2.jpg|A rear view of the Information Center.<br />
Image:0428-InformationCenter3.jpg|Further away view of Information Center.<br />
Image:0429-ChristianWTallStack1.jpg|A face expressing either pride or gas.<br />
Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|[[Duck|More than seven inches long!]]<br />
Image:0431-CWCNuculus.jpg<br />
Image:0440-CWCAndHis9Karts.jpg<br />
Image:0438-CWCsMarioKartsX8.jpg<br />
Image:0439-CWCsMarioKartsX9.jpg<br />
Image:0441-MarioKartGPGroup.jpg<br />
Image:0443-9KartCarrier1.jpg<br />
Image:0785-LegoPS3-2.JPG|Moar of the pixelated PS3.<br />
Image:0783-LegoPS3AndGuitar.JPG|Pixelated PS3 and the [[Gitar]].<br />
Image:0111-LegoWalkman1.jpg|An earlier effort: The Lego Walkman.<br />
Image:0828-EP12-5P7-1.jpg|Bionicle, the door's poster and figures in upper left corner.<br />
Image:0822-EP12-5P6-4.jpg|TIE Fighters zoom above a part of Lego CWCville.<br />
Image:0825-EP12-5P6-8.jpg<br />
Image:0824-EP12-5P6-9.jpg|CWCville: An overbuilt hellhole ruled by a man-child.<br />
Image:0826-EP12-5P6-7.jpg|The money that paid for this could have gone to cancer patients.<br />
</gallery>}}<br />
</center><br />
<br />
==See also==<br />
[[File:Modnation LegoChrisChan.jpg|thumb|Lego Chris in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''.]]<br />
<br />
* [[List of Chris's games]]<br />
* [[Mario Kart 64 Lego Raceway|''Mario Kart 64'' Lego Raceway]]<br />
* [[Pixelblocks]]<br />
* [[A Sonichu Day]]<br />
* [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV]]<br />
* [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV]]<br />
* [[PlayingHouse]]<br />
<br />
==Sauces==<br />
<references/><br />
<br />
[[Category:Hobbies]][[Category:Toys]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Chris%27s_birthday&diff=135094Chris's birthday2011-02-25T15:46:59Z<p>Kyweaver: /* 29th */</p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|[[Homo|Chris blows.]]]]<br />
<br />
{{quote|Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!"|Chris, on being nearly 30.}}<br />
<br />
'''[[Chris]]'s birthday''', 24 February, is a significant date in his life, for obvious reasons. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new [[vidya]], to [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|wanting his birthday to be a national holiday]]) warrants some inspection.<br />
<br />
==Notable Birthdays==<br />
<br />
[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|Chris's best birthday EVER!]]<br />
<br />
===18th===<br />
While [[Trolls|most people]] would've celebrated by partying hard, doing [[Sex|something special]], or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris got a Sega Dreamcast. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children &mdash; comprised of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some [[Friend Zone|platonic]] [[gal-pals]] as guests. No [[alcohol]], no [[tobacky]], just ''Kenan & Kel'' and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever. The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "[[My big 18th party]]".<br />
<br />
===21st===<br />
[[Image:0603-CWC21Note.jpg|thumb|And now the worst...]]<br />
If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this is probably his worst. No friends, no new [[video games]], and no [[sweetheart]]. The only thing Chris got was kicked out of his [[PVCC|college]] [[English]] class by his professor. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the [[Love Quest]] &mdash; Chris's enduring search for someone that will [[Barbara_Chandler|put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity]].<br />
<br />
===23rd===<br />
Chris documented this birthday in an issue of [[News_Dash#Chris.27s_23rd_Birthday|''Sonichu's News Dash'']]. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion." He was treated like a child and loved every second of it.<br />
<br />
===25th===<br />
[[Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|thumb|Chris's 25th birthday and [[DVD]] launch party.]]<br />
To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|IMPORTANT MESSAGE]], inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience. <br />
<br />
===27th===<br />
Chris's 27th birthday coincided with the burial of his late [[Aunt Corrina]]. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to [[Obesity|stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes]] instead of [[Chris_and_death|mourning]] the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in a [[Mumble 9|Mumble chat]] about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He also received some birthday money, which he used to fund his [[Julie|road trip to Ohio]]. <br />
<br />
===28th===<br />
Chris's 28th birthday is shrouded in mystery. Other than his [[ego|obsessive desire]] to see his birthday made a holiday, next to nothing is known about how it was spent. What we do know is that he ingested a [[Semen|mysterious substance]] and was [[Magical Man Potion|visited]] by another [[Jerk|male]] guest. [[Alec Benson Leary]] also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|called in and congratulated him]], being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails,_2010#Hey.2C_Vivian_.E2.80.94_11_February|had been saving $100]] to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after [[The Wallflower]] became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free. <br />
<br />
===29th===<br />
Nobody knows due to his recent hiatus from the internet, but likely masturbated some more and blew off a shitload of tax payers money on video games for his very special day. However, it is still evident that he continues to live with his parents at an age where most men have their own homes and families started. <br />
<br />
* '''''Sonichu'' Canon:''' Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.<br />
<br />
==Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution==<br />
<center><gallery><br />
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg|Age 5: Cute kid, right?<br />
Image:0092-Christians14th.jpg|Age 14 <br />
Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|Age 17<br />
Image:0491-CWC18th23.jpg|Age 18<br />
Image:0583-CWC19-2.jpg|Age 19<br />
Image:0599-CWC20-4.jpg|Age 20<br />
Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|Age 21<br />
Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|Age 22<br />
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|Age 23<br />
Image:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg|Age 24<br />
Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|Age 25<br />
Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|Age 26: Cute kid, right?<br />
</gallery></center><br />
<br />
=="Christian Love Day"==<br />
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally TRUE and HONEST, and not a [[things Chris has ripped off|rip-off]] at all).]]<br />
Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be [[Ego|focused on him too]]. First seen in the [[CWC Blog]], "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by [[Homo|STRAIGHT]] folk. In the [[Mailbag]], he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because [[Reality|he wills it]] and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond one [[Christian Love Day|lone video]].<br />
<br />
In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and [[ego]]). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he [[Reality|has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality]].<br />
<br />
====24 February is also...====<br />
* Armenia's Genocide Remembrance Day.<br />
* The day the Nazi Party was founded (1920).<br />
* The day the [[Wikipedia:Battle of Los Angeles|U.S. military fought a UFO over Los Angeles]] (1942).<br />
* The day Egyptian Premier Ahmed Maher Pasha was killed in Parliament after reading a decree (1945).<br />
* The day Ayatollah Khomeini issued a ''fatwa'' for the death of Salman Rushdie (1989).<br />
<br />
====Other people born on 24 February include...====<br />
* [[100_2269|George Harrison]] (1943)<br />
* [[IPods_Down_and_Listen_Up|Steve Jobs]] (1955)<br />
* Chad Hugo (1974)<br />
* [[Niggo|Floyd Mayweather, Jr.]] (1977)<br />
<br />
[[Category:Events]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Chris%27s_birthday&diff=135092Chris's birthday2011-02-25T15:29:39Z<p>Kyweaver: /* 29th */</p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|[[Homo|Chris blows.]]]]<br />
<br />
{{quote|Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!"|Chris, on being nearly 30.}}<br />
<br />
'''[[Chris]]'s birthday''', 24 February, is a significant date in his life, for obvious reasons. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new [[vidya]], to [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|wanting his birthday to be a national holiday]]) warrants some inspection.<br />
<br />
==Notable Birthdays==<br />
<br />
[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|Chris's best birthday EVER!]]<br />
<br />
===18th===<br />
While [[Trolls|most people]] would've celebrated by partying hard, doing [[Sex|something special]], or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris got a Sega Dreamcast. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children &mdash; comprised of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some [[Friend Zone|platonic]] [[gal-pals]] as guests. No [[alcohol]], no [[tobacky]], just ''Kenan & Kel'' and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever. The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "[[My big 18th party]]".<br />
<br />
===21st===<br />
[[Image:0603-CWC21Note.jpg|thumb|And now the worst...]]<br />
If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this is probably his worst. No friends, no new [[video games]], and no [[sweetheart]]. The only thing Chris got was kicked out of his [[PVCC|college]] [[English]] class by his professor. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the [[Love Quest]] &mdash; Chris's enduring search for someone that will [[Barbara_Chandler|put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity]].<br />
<br />
===23rd===<br />
Chris documented this birthday in an issue of [[News_Dash#Chris.27s_23rd_Birthday|''Sonichu's News Dash'']]. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion." He was treated like a child and loved every second of it.<br />
<br />
===25th===<br />
[[Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|thumb|Chris's 25th birthday and [[DVD]] launch party.]]<br />
To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|IMPORTANT MESSAGE]], inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience. <br />
<br />
===27th===<br />
Chris's 27th birthday coincided with the burial of his late [[Aunt Corrina]]. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to [[Obesity|stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes]] instead of [[Chris_and_death|mourning]] the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in a [[Mumble 9|Mumble chat]] about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He also received some birthday money, which he used to fund his [[Julie|road trip to Ohio]]. <br />
<br />
===28th===<br />
Chris's 28th birthday is shrouded in mystery. Other than his [[ego|obsessive desire]] to see his birthday made a holiday, next to nothing is known about how it was spent. What we do know is that he ingested a [[Semen|mysterious substance]] and was [[Magical Man Potion|visited]] by another [[Jerk|male]] guest. [[Alec Benson Leary]] also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|called in and congratulated him]], being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails,_2010#Hey.2C_Vivian_.E2.80.94_11_February|had been saving $100]] to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after [[The Wallflower]] became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free. <br />
<br />
===29th===<br />
Nobody knows due to his recent hiatus from the internet, but likely masturbated some more and blew off a shitload of tax payers money on video games for his very special day. However, it is still evident that he continues to live with his parents at an age where most men his age have their own homes and families started. <br />
<br />
* '''''Sonichu'' Canon:''' Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.<br />
<br />
==Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution==<br />
<center><gallery><br />
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg|Age 5: Cute kid, right?<br />
Image:0092-Christians14th.jpg|Age 14 <br />
Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|Age 17<br />
Image:0491-CWC18th23.jpg|Age 18<br />
Image:0583-CWC19-2.jpg|Age 19<br />
Image:0599-CWC20-4.jpg|Age 20<br />
Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|Age 21<br />
Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|Age 22<br />
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|Age 23<br />
Image:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg|Age 24<br />
Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|Age 25<br />
Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|Age 26: Cute kid, right?<br />
</gallery></center><br />
<br />
=="Christian Love Day"==<br />
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally TRUE and HONEST, and not a [[things Chris has ripped off|rip-off]] at all).]]<br />
Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be [[Ego|focused on him too]]. First seen in the [[CWC Blog]], "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by [[Homo|STRAIGHT]] folk. In the [[Mailbag]], he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because [[Reality|he wills it]] and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond one [[Christian Love Day|lone video]].<br />
<br />
In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and [[ego]]). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he [[Reality|has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality]].<br />
<br />
====24 February is also...====<br />
* Armenia's Genocide Remembrance Day.<br />
* The day the Nazi Party was founded (1920).<br />
* The day the [[Wikipedia:Battle of Los Angeles|U.S. military fought a UFO over Los Angeles]] (1942).<br />
* The day Egyptian Premier Ahmed Maher Pasha was killed in Parliament after reading a decree (1945).<br />
* The day Ayatollah Khomeini issued a ''fatwa'' for the death of Salman Rushdie (1989).<br />
<br />
====Other people born on 24 February include...====<br />
* [[100_2269|George Harrison]] (1943)<br />
* [[IPods_Down_and_Listen_Up|Steve Jobs]] (1955)<br />
* Chad Hugo (1974)<br />
* [[Niggo|Floyd Mayweather, Jr.]] (1977)<br />
<br />
[[Category:Events]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Chris%27s_birthday&diff=135091Chris's birthday2011-02-25T15:20:16Z<p>Kyweaver: /* 29th */</p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|[[Homo|Chris blows.]]]]<br />
<br />
{{quote|Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!"|Chris, on being nearly 30.}}<br />
<br />
'''[[Chris]]'s birthday''', 24 February, is a significant date in his life, for obvious reasons. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new [[vidya]], to [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|wanting his birthday to be a national holiday]]) warrants some inspection.<br />
<br />
==Notable Birthdays==<br />
<br />
[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|Chris's best birthday EVER!]]<br />
<br />
===18th===<br />
While [[Trolls|most people]] would've celebrated by partying hard, doing [[Sex|something special]], or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris got a Sega Dreamcast. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children &mdash; comprised of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some [[Friend Zone|platonic]] [[gal-pals]] as guests. No [[alcohol]], no [[tobacky]], just ''Kenan & Kel'' and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever. The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "[[My big 18th party]]".<br />
<br />
===21st===<br />
[[Image:0603-CWC21Note.jpg|thumb|And now the worst...]]<br />
If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this is probably his worst. No friends, no new [[video games]], and no [[sweetheart]]. The only thing Chris got was kicked out of his [[PVCC|college]] [[English]] class by his professor. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the [[Love Quest]] &mdash; Chris's enduring search for someone that will [[Barbara_Chandler|put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity]].<br />
<br />
===23rd===<br />
Chris documented this birthday in an issue of [[News_Dash#Chris.27s_23rd_Birthday|''Sonichu's News Dash'']]. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion." He was treated like a child and loved every second of it.<br />
<br />
===25th===<br />
[[Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|thumb|Chris's 25th birthday and [[DVD]] launch party.]]<br />
To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|IMPORTANT MESSAGE]], inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience. <br />
<br />
===27th===<br />
Chris's 27th birthday coincided with the burial of his late [[Aunt Corrina]]. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to [[Obesity|stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes]] instead of [[Chris_and_death|mourning]] the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in a [[Mumble 9|Mumble chat]] about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He also received some birthday money, which he used to fund his [[Julie|road trip to Ohio]]. <br />
<br />
===28th===<br />
Chris's 28th birthday is shrouded in mystery. Other than his [[ego|obsessive desire]] to see his birthday made a holiday, next to nothing is known about how it was spent. What we do know is that he ingested a [[Semen|mysterious substance]] and was [[Magical Man Potion|visited]] by another [[Jerk|male]] guest. [[Alec Benson Leary]] also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|called in and congratulated him]], being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails,_2010#Hey.2C_Vivian_.E2.80.94_11_February|had been saving $100]] to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after [[The Wallflower]] became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free. <br />
<br />
===29th===<br />
Nobody knows due to his recent hiatus from the internet, but likely masturbated some more and blew off a shitload of tax payers money on video games. However, it is still evident that he continues to live with his parents at an age where most men his age have their own homes and families started. <br />
<br />
* '''''Sonichu'' Canon:''' Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.<br />
<br />
==Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution==<br />
<center><gallery><br />
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg|Age 5: Cute kid, right?<br />
Image:0092-Christians14th.jpg|Age 14 <br />
Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|Age 17<br />
Image:0491-CWC18th23.jpg|Age 18<br />
Image:0583-CWC19-2.jpg|Age 19<br />
Image:0599-CWC20-4.jpg|Age 20<br />
Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|Age 21<br />
Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|Age 22<br />
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|Age 23<br />
Image:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg|Age 24<br />
Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|Age 25<br />
Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|Age 26: Cute kid, right?<br />
</gallery></center><br />
<br />
=="Christian Love Day"==<br />
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally TRUE and HONEST, and not a [[things Chris has ripped off|rip-off]] at all).]]<br />
Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be [[Ego|focused on him too]]. First seen in the [[CWC Blog]], "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by [[Homo|STRAIGHT]] folk. In the [[Mailbag]], he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because [[Reality|he wills it]] and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond one [[Christian Love Day|lone video]].<br />
<br />
In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and [[ego]]). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he [[Reality|has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality]].<br />
<br />
====24 February is also...====<br />
* Armenia's Genocide Remembrance Day.<br />
* The day the Nazi Party was founded (1920).<br />
* The day the [[Wikipedia:Battle of Los Angeles|U.S. military fought a UFO over Los Angeles]] (1942).<br />
* The day Egyptian Premier Ahmed Maher Pasha was killed in Parliament after reading a decree (1945).<br />
* The day Ayatollah Khomeini issued a ''fatwa'' for the death of Salman Rushdie (1989).<br />
<br />
====Other people born on 24 February include...====<br />
* [[100_2269|George Harrison]] (1943)<br />
* [[IPods_Down_and_Listen_Up|Steve Jobs]] (1955)<br />
* Chad Hugo (1974)<br />
* [[Niggo|Floyd Mayweather, Jr.]] (1977)<br />
<br />
[[Category:Events]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Rainbow&diff=135090Rainbow2011-02-25T15:12:49Z<p>Kyweaver: </p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image:0Rainbow1.jpg|thumb|right|[[Random-access_humor|Skadoosh]]]]<br />
A '''rainbow''' is an optical and meteorological phenomenon that causes a spectrum of light to appear in the sky when the Sun shines on droplets of moisture in the Earth's atmosphere. They take the form of a multicolored arc, with red on the outer part of the arch and violet on the inner section of the arch. In Chris's artwork, he consistently switches the positions of blue and green. This is possibly due to some degree of color-blindness, but more likely it's just because Chris is a fucking idiot or too lazy to care. <br />
<br />
In the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' canon]] and various other works, rainbows are a recurring theme. For example, a rainbow was responsible for transforming [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] into their present forms. It was later revealed that the same Rainbow also spawned eggs, which eventually matured to become the [[Chaotic Combo]] and [[Silvana]].<br />
<br />
In real life, there's a rainbow etched into [[Amnyfest Ring|Chris's high school ring]].<br />
<br />
==Chaotic Rainbow==<br />
[[Image:0Rainbow2.jpg|thumb|left|Feels Good Man]]<br />
The rainbow effect was the result of an accidental collision of a male [[Pikachu]] with [[Sonic]] in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]]. As Sonic was using the power of the Chaos Emeralds at the time, their energies somehow caused the Pikachu to mutate into a being similar in appearance to Sonic. This energy also arced across the sky, striking a female Raichu some fifteen miles away, and transforming her into a similar hedgehog-like creature. <br />
<br />
Independently, [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] realized that they had become the genesis of a new [[Pokémon]] species. Eventually, [[Black Sonichu]] was cloned from a sample of Sonichu's [[Semen|DNA]], and the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] would bestow three humans the ability to transform into Sonichus and Rosechus at will, but these were only copies of the originals. <br />
<br />
However, Sonichu would soon discover other Sonichus and Rosechus created by the Rainbow.<br />
<br />
==The Chaotic Combo==<br />
[[Image:RainbowEggs.jpg|thumb|right|True and Honest Chaos Rainbows ''shit eggs''.]]<br />
<br />
In [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], Chris revealed that the Rainbow had also spit out five eggs, which landed in various locations around the world. From within these eggs emerged larval forms of Sonichu and Rosechu, called [[Sonee and Rosey|"Sonee" and "Rosey"]]. These five eventually evolved into variants of Sonichu and Rosechu, each possessing unique abilities and characteristics in addition to the powers of Sonic and Pikachu. <br />
<br />
In addition to the eggs, Chris established that "mysterious beams of light also shone from the rainbow", but declined to elaborate; this might be Chris's way of giving himself an out for adding more Sonichus and Rosechus, like Silvana.<br />
<br />
==Inconsistencies==<br />
<br />
In [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]], Chris established that [[Sonichu]] was sixteen years old, and [[Rosechu]] was fifteen. Presumably, this refers to their age upon the day of their transformation, and so they spent the bulk of their lives as a Pikachu and Raichu. [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] has since established that the couple turned 19 and 20 respectively as of early [[2008]] in accordance with the "Earth Time" of the comics.<br />
<br />
The [[Chaotic Combo]]] were spawned from the Rainbow as eggs, meaning that they would have been born while Sonichu was 16. And yet, [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] depicts them celebrating their nineteenth birthday a few months after Rosechu's nineteenth birthday. Compounding this, Black Sonichu celebrated his twentieth birthday shortly afterward, making him the same age as Sonichu, despite being cloned when Sonichu was sixteen years old.<br />
<br />
Strangely, when [[Blake|Black Sonichu]] questions the notion of celebrating a birthday for a clone, he points out that he was "not properly born of a [[Rosechu]]". The fact is, none of the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon was born naturally, as they were all shat out of a big dumb rainbow.<br />
<br />
===Additional retcons===<br />
[[Image:RainbowChris.jpg|thumb|right|Chris [[Sub-Episode 2|while standing on a rainbow background]], declaring that his [[Love Quest]] [[Lie|is finally over]]. No [[Homos|gay]] overtones here.]]<br />
Chris since revised the story of the rainbow ''again'' to reveal that a sixth egg had been launched from the Rainbow, only to somehow wind up on the Earth's moon. There, the newborn Rosey was taken under the wing of [[Count Graduon]], who named her "[[Silvana]]" and trained her in the ways of evil. To better equip her for the cause of sexual villainy, Graduon gave Silvana the power to shape-shift, as well as male genitalia, to better fool horny enemy Rosechus. Like the other egg-born Sonichus and Rosechus, Silvana's age is established to be 19, even though Count Graduon wasn't unleashed until Sonichu was 16 and discovered the Anchuent Prophecy. <br />
<br />
To make matters even more confusing, Chris has introduced several other Sonichus and Rosechus throughout the series, including [[Darkbind Sonichu]], [[DJ Jamsta|Jamsta]] Sonichu, [[Lolisa Rosechu]], [[Zapina]] Rosechu, and [[Simonla Rosechu]]. There was no initially explanation provided for when or how these other Sonichus and Rosechus were created throughout their appearances in the comic.<br />
<br />
Christian revealed his most current patchwork re-telling of the Rainbow's ''gift'' in his own [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu&oldid=1763 Sonichu] article at the CWCipedia. Chris, not to be outdone by prior work, has pushed his myth [[Fail|''way past'' the third dimension]]: <br />
{{quote|From the Rainbow, EGGS were emitted throughout Earth, Space and Time. ALL of The eggs were all time-traveled back to the day of February 2, 1989 into various locations. There were countless eggs in addition to the 5 that would hatch into the Chaotic Combo Electric-Hedgehogs.|[[Christian_Weston_Chandler|Chris]], never too sharp with [[Chris humps his PS3|math]]... so let's just say it's ''more than you can count, mister!''}}<br />
<br />
There is a innumerable amount of Electric Hedgehog Pokémon among us. Be afraid.<br />
<br />
===TL;DR===<br />
In order to draw [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|porn of his characters]], Chris gave the rainbow time-travelling powers so that his recolors won't be underage.<br />
<br />
==Other uses of rainbows==<br />
[[Image:RainbowOverArk.jpg|thumb|right|Chris offers a "rainbow of promise" to his readers, rightfully comparing the travesty of his nude artwork with that of God's brutal punishment of mankind.]]<br />
It should be noted that the various Sonichus and Rosechus represent every color of the rainbow, although this may be a coincidence, as there's so damn many of them that Chris has no choice but to use every possible color to tell them apart. <br />
<br />
In [[Sonichu 3|''Sonichu'' #3]], [[Flame the Sunbird]] lives on Rainbow Island.<br />
<br />
Following [[Trolls|fan]] backlash against the hardcore sex scene depicted in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]], Chris removed or censored the pages containing genitalia from the site, and posted a ridiculous apology: <br />
<br />
{{quote|**After Serious Consideration and numerous complaints, I HAVE REMOVED the explicit sexual pages from EPISODE 17 of Comic #8,<br />
And as GOD Promised NEVER again to Flood the earth with a Rainbow over [[Wikipedia:Noah's Ark|Noah's Ark]], I cast My Rainbow of Promise to NEVER AGAIN<br />
Draw or Upload any Further Images between Sonichus and Rosechus in EPISODE 18 of [[Sonichu 8|Comic #8]], as well as ALL Future Comics,<br />
that depict explicit sexuality.| Chris, correctly comparing his pornographic artwork to the horrors of global disaster <ref>[http://sonichu-roschu.blogspot.com/2008/09/episode-17-update.html The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog: Episode 17 Update]</ref>}}<br />
<br />
The message was accompanied by a large painting of Noah's Ark, depicting the rainbow described in the book of Genesis. <br />
<br />
Despite Chris's assurances, he drew a love scene between Black Sonichu and Silvana Rosechu in the second half of the same issue, and later restored all of the deleted artwork in the [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]], along with promises of even more hideous furry porn to come.<br />
<br />
Chris also offered a "rainbow of promise" in an e-mail to [[Megan]]:<br />
<br />
{{quote|I understand the possible irriation from being touched, but I now realize what may have set off the burst of anger. It was because of my immature behavior (with jealousy) over the winner of that contest, wasn't it? I wanted you to know that I have honestly given up on that erronious behavior. I do apologize for having expressed that anger, and I offer a peaceful rainbow as my promise to not get jealous and express such anger again.|Chris, blowing out his ass<ref>"I now understand" 08 August 2007, 3:46 p.m. [[Chris_E-mails_2007]]</ref>}}<br />
<br />
Chris also mentions rainbows in "[[A-U-T-I-S-M]]", the third track on his album ''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]''.<br />
<br />
<blockquote><poem style="font-style: italic;">I'm lookin' at you all and I see a rainbow, come on<br />
You think I'm different in every way, come on<br />
All of the times that I've earned [[honor roll]]!</poem></blockquote><br />
<br />
This is probably how [[autism]] was explained to him. Either that or he thinks everyone is [[gay]].<br />
<br />
==Possible interpretation of Chris's use of rainbows==<br />
[[Image:Pride_flag.jpg|center|top]]<br><br />
<center><br />
[[Homo|'''<font size="13"><font color="red">H</font><font color="orange">e</font>'<font color="yellow">s</font><font color="green"> g</font><font color="blue">a</font><font color="indigo">y</font><font color="violet">!</font></font>'''<br />
<br /><br /><br />]]<br />
</center><br />
<br />
==See also==<br />
*[[Chaotic Combo]]<br />
*[[Chaos Emeralds]]<br />
*[[Homos]]<br />
<br />
==Sauces==<br />
<references/><br />
<br />
==External links==<br />
*[http://gay4sonichu.yuku.com/ Gay4Sonichu]<br />
*[http://psmission.webs.com/ Pride Sonichu Mission]<br />
<br />
[[Category:Plot Devices]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Chris%27s_birthday&diff=135089Chris's birthday2011-02-25T15:07:56Z<p>Kyweaver: /* 29th */</p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|[[Homo|Chris blows.]]]]<br />
<br />
{{quote|Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!"|Chris, on being nearly 30.}}<br />
<br />
'''[[Chris]]'s birthday''', 24 February, is a significant date in his life, for obvious reasons. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new [[vidya]], to [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|wanting his birthday to be a national holiday]]) warrants some inspection.<br />
<br />
==Notable Birthdays==<br />
<br />
[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|Chris's best birthday EVER!]]<br />
<br />
===18th===<br />
While [[Trolls|most people]] would've celebrated by partying hard, doing [[Sex|something special]], or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris got a Sega Dreamcast. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children &mdash; comprised of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some [[Friend Zone|platonic]] [[gal-pals]] as guests. No [[alcohol]], no [[tobacky]], just ''Kenan & Kel'' and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever. The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "[[My big 18th party]]".<br />
<br />
===21st===<br />
[[Image:0603-CWC21Note.jpg|thumb|And now the worst...]]<br />
If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this is probably his worst. No friends, no new [[video games]], and no [[sweetheart]]. The only thing Chris got was kicked out of his [[PVCC|college]] [[English]] class by his professor. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the [[Love Quest]] &mdash; Chris's enduring search for someone that will [[Barbara_Chandler|put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity]].<br />
<br />
===23rd===<br />
Chris documented this birthday in an issue of [[News_Dash#Chris.27s_23rd_Birthday|''Sonichu's News Dash'']]. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion." He was treated like a child and loved every second of it.<br />
<br />
===25th===<br />
[[Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|thumb|Chris's 25th birthday and [[DVD]] launch party.]]<br />
To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|IMPORTANT MESSAGE]], inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience. <br />
<br />
===27th===<br />
Chris's 27th birthday coincided with the burial of his late [[Aunt Corrina]]. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to [[Obesity|stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes]] instead of [[Chris_and_death|mourning]] the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in a [[Mumble 9|Mumble chat]] about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He also received some birthday money, which he used to fund his [[Julie|road trip to Ohio]]. <br />
<br />
===28th===<br />
Chris's 28th birthday is shrouded in mystery. Other than his [[ego|obsessive desire]] to see his birthday made a holiday, next to nothing is known about how it was spent. What we do know is that he ingested a [[Semen|mysterious substance]] and was [[Magical Man Potion|visited]] by another [[Jerk|male]] guest. [[Alec Benson Leary]] also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|called in and congratulated him]], being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails,_2010#Hey.2C_Vivian_.E2.80.94_11_February|had been saving $100]] to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after [[The Wallflower]] became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free. <br />
<br />
===29th===<br />
Nobody knows due to his recent hiatus from the internet, but likely masturbated some more and wasted more money on video games. However, he is still living with his parents at an age where most men his age have their own homes and families started. <br />
<br />
* '''''Sonichu'' Canon:''' Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.<br />
<br />
==Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution==<br />
<center><gallery><br />
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg|Age 5: Cute kid, right?<br />
Image:0092-Christians14th.jpg|Age 14 <br />
Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|Age 17<br />
Image:0491-CWC18th23.jpg|Age 18<br />
Image:0583-CWC19-2.jpg|Age 19<br />
Image:0599-CWC20-4.jpg|Age 20<br />
Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|Age 21<br />
Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|Age 22<br />
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|Age 23<br />
Image:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg|Age 24<br />
Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|Age 25<br />
Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|Age 26: Cute kid, right?<br />
</gallery></center><br />
<br />
=="Christian Love Day"==<br />
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally TRUE and HONEST, and not a [[things Chris has ripped off|rip-off]] at all).]]<br />
Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be [[Ego|focused on him too]]. First seen in the [[CWC Blog]], "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by [[Homo|STRAIGHT]] folk. In the [[Mailbag]], he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because [[Reality|he wills it]] and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond one [[Christian Love Day|lone video]].<br />
<br />
In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and [[ego]]). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he [[Reality|has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality]].<br />
<br />
====24 February is also...====<br />
* Armenia's Genocide Remembrance Day.<br />
* The day the Nazi Party was founded (1920).<br />
* The day the [[Wikipedia:Battle of Los Angeles|U.S. military fought a UFO over Los Angeles]] (1942).<br />
* The day Egyptian Premier Ahmed Maher Pasha was killed in Parliament after reading a decree (1945).<br />
* The day Ayatollah Khomeini issued a ''fatwa'' for the death of Salman Rushdie (1989).<br />
<br />
====Other people born on 24 February include...====<br />
* [[100_2269|George Harrison]] (1943)<br />
* [[IPods_Down_and_Listen_Up|Steve Jobs]] (1955)<br />
* Chad Hugo (1974)<br />
* [[Niggo|Floyd Mayweather, Jr.]] (1977)<br />
<br />
[[Category:Events]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Chris%27s_birthday&diff=135088Chris's birthday2011-02-25T15:07:27Z<p>Kyweaver: /* 29th */</p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|[[Homo|Chris blows.]]]]<br />
<br />
{{quote|Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!"|Chris, on being nearly 30.}}<br />
<br />
'''[[Chris]]'s birthday''', 24 February, is a significant date in his life, for obvious reasons. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new [[vidya]], to [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|wanting his birthday to be a national holiday]]) warrants some inspection.<br />
<br />
==Notable Birthdays==<br />
<br />
[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|Chris's best birthday EVER!]]<br />
<br />
===18th===<br />
While [[Trolls|most people]] would've celebrated by partying hard, doing [[Sex|something special]], or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris got a Sega Dreamcast. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children &mdash; comprised of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some [[Friend Zone|platonic]] [[gal-pals]] as guests. No [[alcohol]], no [[tobacky]], just ''Kenan & Kel'' and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever. The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "[[My big 18th party]]".<br />
<br />
===21st===<br />
[[Image:0603-CWC21Note.jpg|thumb|And now the worst...]]<br />
If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this is probably his worst. No friends, no new [[video games]], and no [[sweetheart]]. The only thing Chris got was kicked out of his [[PVCC|college]] [[English]] class by his professor. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the [[Love Quest]] &mdash; Chris's enduring search for someone that will [[Barbara_Chandler|put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity]].<br />
<br />
===23rd===<br />
Chris documented this birthday in an issue of [[News_Dash#Chris.27s_23rd_Birthday|''Sonichu's News Dash'']]. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion." He was treated like a child and loved every second of it.<br />
<br />
===25th===<br />
[[Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|thumb|Chris's 25th birthday and [[DVD]] launch party.]]<br />
To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|IMPORTANT MESSAGE]], inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience. <br />
<br />
===27th===<br />
Chris's 27th birthday coincided with the burial of his late [[Aunt Corrina]]. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to [[Obesity|stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes]] instead of [[Chris_and_death|mourning]] the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in a [[Mumble 9|Mumble chat]] about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He also received some birthday money, which he used to fund his [[Julie|road trip to Ohio]]. <br />
<br />
===28th===<br />
Chris's 28th birthday is shrouded in mystery. Other than his [[ego|obsessive desire]] to see his birthday made a holiday, next to nothing is known about how it was spent. What we do know is that he ingested a [[Semen|mysterious substance]] and was [[Magical Man Potion|visited]] by another [[Jerk|male]] guest. [[Alec Benson Leary]] also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|called in and congratulated him]], being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails,_2010#Hey.2C_Vivian_.E2.80.94_11_February|had been saving $100]] to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after [[The Wallflower]] became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free. <br />
<br />
===29th===<br />
Nobody knows due to his recent hiatus from the internet, but likely masturbated some more and wasted more money on video games. However, he is still living with his parents at an age where most men his age have their own homes and families. <br />
<br />
* '''''Sonichu'' Canon:''' Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.<br />
<br />
==Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution==<br />
<center><gallery><br />
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg|Age 5: Cute kid, right?<br />
Image:0092-Christians14th.jpg|Age 14 <br />
Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|Age 17<br />
Image:0491-CWC18th23.jpg|Age 18<br />
Image:0583-CWC19-2.jpg|Age 19<br />
Image:0599-CWC20-4.jpg|Age 20<br />
Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|Age 21<br />
Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|Age 22<br />
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|Age 23<br />
Image:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg|Age 24<br />
Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|Age 25<br />
Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|Age 26: Cute kid, right?<br />
</gallery></center><br />
<br />
=="Christian Love Day"==<br />
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally TRUE and HONEST, and not a [[things Chris has ripped off|rip-off]] at all).]]<br />
Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be [[Ego|focused on him too]]. First seen in the [[CWC Blog]], "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by [[Homo|STRAIGHT]] folk. In the [[Mailbag]], he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because [[Reality|he wills it]] and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond one [[Christian Love Day|lone video]].<br />
<br />
In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and [[ego]]). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he [[Reality|has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality]].<br />
<br />
====24 February is also...====<br />
* Armenia's Genocide Remembrance Day.<br />
* The day the Nazi Party was founded (1920).<br />
* The day the [[Wikipedia:Battle of Los Angeles|U.S. military fought a UFO over Los Angeles]] (1942).<br />
* The day Egyptian Premier Ahmed Maher Pasha was killed in Parliament after reading a decree (1945).<br />
* The day Ayatollah Khomeini issued a ''fatwa'' for the death of Salman Rushdie (1989).<br />
<br />
====Other people born on 24 February include...====<br />
* [[100_2269|George Harrison]] (1943)<br />
* [[IPods_Down_and_Listen_Up|Steve Jobs]] (1955)<br />
* Chad Hugo (1974)<br />
* [[Niggo|Floyd Mayweather, Jr.]] (1977)<br />
<br />
[[Category:Events]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Chris%27s_birthday&diff=135087Chris's birthday2011-02-25T15:07:07Z<p>Kyweaver: /* 29th */</p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|[[Homo|Chris blows.]]]]<br />
<br />
{{quote|Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!"|Chris, on being nearly 30.}}<br />
<br />
'''[[Chris]]'s birthday''', 24 February, is a significant date in his life, for obvious reasons. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new [[vidya]], to [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|wanting his birthday to be a national holiday]]) warrants some inspection.<br />
<br />
==Notable Birthdays==<br />
<br />
[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|Chris's best birthday EVER!]]<br />
<br />
===18th===<br />
While [[Trolls|most people]] would've celebrated by partying hard, doing [[Sex|something special]], or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris got a Sega Dreamcast. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children &mdash; comprised of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some [[Friend Zone|platonic]] [[gal-pals]] as guests. No [[alcohol]], no [[tobacky]], just ''Kenan & Kel'' and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever. The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "[[My big 18th party]]".<br />
<br />
===21st===<br />
[[Image:0603-CWC21Note.jpg|thumb|And now the worst...]]<br />
If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this is probably his worst. No friends, no new [[video games]], and no [[sweetheart]]. The only thing Chris got was kicked out of his [[PVCC|college]] [[English]] class by his professor. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the [[Love Quest]] &mdash; Chris's enduring search for someone that will [[Barbara_Chandler|put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity]].<br />
<br />
===23rd===<br />
Chris documented this birthday in an issue of [[News_Dash#Chris.27s_23rd_Birthday|''Sonichu's News Dash'']]. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion." He was treated like a child and loved every second of it.<br />
<br />
===25th===<br />
[[Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|thumb|Chris's 25th birthday and [[DVD]] launch party.]]<br />
To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|IMPORTANT MESSAGE]], inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience. <br />
<br />
===27th===<br />
Chris's 27th birthday coincided with the burial of his late [[Aunt Corrina]]. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to [[Obesity|stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes]] instead of [[Chris_and_death|mourning]] the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in a [[Mumble 9|Mumble chat]] about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He also received some birthday money, which he used to fund his [[Julie|road trip to Ohio]]. <br />
<br />
===28th===<br />
Chris's 28th birthday is shrouded in mystery. Other than his [[ego|obsessive desire]] to see his birthday made a holiday, next to nothing is known about how it was spent. What we do know is that he ingested a [[Semen|mysterious substance]] and was [[Magical Man Potion|visited]] by another [[Jerk|male]] guest. [[Alec Benson Leary]] also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|called in and congratulated him]], being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails,_2010#Hey.2C_Vivian_.E2.80.94_11_February|had been saving $100]] to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after [[The Wallflower]] became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free. <br />
<br />
===29th===<br />
Nobody knows due to his recent hiatus from the internet, but likely masturbated some more and wasted more money on video games. However, he is still living with his parents at an age where most men his age have their own homes and famalies. <br />
<br />
* '''''Sonichu'' Canon:''' Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.<br />
<br />
==Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution==<br />
<center><gallery><br />
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg|Age 5: Cute kid, right?<br />
Image:0092-Christians14th.jpg|Age 14 <br />
Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|Age 17<br />
Image:0491-CWC18th23.jpg|Age 18<br />
Image:0583-CWC19-2.jpg|Age 19<br />
Image:0599-CWC20-4.jpg|Age 20<br />
Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|Age 21<br />
Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|Age 22<br />
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|Age 23<br />
Image:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg|Age 24<br />
Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|Age 25<br />
Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|Age 26: Cute kid, right?<br />
</gallery></center><br />
<br />
=="Christian Love Day"==<br />
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally TRUE and HONEST, and not a [[things Chris has ripped off|rip-off]] at all).]]<br />
Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be [[Ego|focused on him too]]. First seen in the [[CWC Blog]], "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by [[Homo|STRAIGHT]] folk. In the [[Mailbag]], he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because [[Reality|he wills it]] and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond one [[Christian Love Day|lone video]].<br />
<br />
In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and [[ego]]). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he [[Reality|has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality]].<br />
<br />
====24 February is also...====<br />
* Armenia's Genocide Remembrance Day.<br />
* The day the Nazi Party was founded (1920).<br />
* The day the [[Wikipedia:Battle of Los Angeles|U.S. military fought a UFO over Los Angeles]] (1942).<br />
* The day Egyptian Premier Ahmed Maher Pasha was killed in Parliament after reading a decree (1945).<br />
* The day Ayatollah Khomeini issued a ''fatwa'' for the death of Salman Rushdie (1989).<br />
<br />
====Other people born on 24 February include...====<br />
* [[100_2269|George Harrison]] (1943)<br />
* [[IPods_Down_and_Listen_Up|Steve Jobs]] (1955)<br />
* Chad Hugo (1974)<br />
* [[Niggo|Floyd Mayweather, Jr.]] (1977)<br />
<br />
[[Category:Events]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Chris%27s_birthday&diff=135086Chris's birthday2011-02-25T15:06:05Z<p>Kyweaver: /* 29th */</p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|[[Homo|Chris blows.]]]]<br />
<br />
{{quote|Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!"|Chris, on being nearly 30.}}<br />
<br />
'''[[Chris]]'s birthday''', 24 February, is a significant date in his life, for obvious reasons. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new [[vidya]], to [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|wanting his birthday to be a national holiday]]) warrants some inspection.<br />
<br />
==Notable Birthdays==<br />
<br />
[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|Chris's best birthday EVER!]]<br />
<br />
===18th===<br />
While [[Trolls|most people]] would've celebrated by partying hard, doing [[Sex|something special]], or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris got a Sega Dreamcast. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children &mdash; comprised of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some [[Friend Zone|platonic]] [[gal-pals]] as guests. No [[alcohol]], no [[tobacky]], just ''Kenan & Kel'' and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever. The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "[[My big 18th party]]".<br />
<br />
===21st===<br />
[[Image:0603-CWC21Note.jpg|thumb|And now the worst...]]<br />
If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this is probably his worst. No friends, no new [[video games]], and no [[sweetheart]]. The only thing Chris got was kicked out of his [[PVCC|college]] [[English]] class by his professor. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the [[Love Quest]] &mdash; Chris's enduring search for someone that will [[Barbara_Chandler|put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity]].<br />
<br />
===23rd===<br />
Chris documented this birthday in an issue of [[News_Dash#Chris.27s_23rd_Birthday|''Sonichu's News Dash'']]. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion." He was treated like a child and loved every second of it.<br />
<br />
===25th===<br />
[[Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|thumb|Chris's 25th birthday and [[DVD]] launch party.]]<br />
To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|IMPORTANT MESSAGE]], inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience. <br />
<br />
===27th===<br />
Chris's 27th birthday coincided with the burial of his late [[Aunt Corrina]]. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to [[Obesity|stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes]] instead of [[Chris_and_death|mourning]] the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in a [[Mumble 9|Mumble chat]] about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He also received some birthday money, which he used to fund his [[Julie|road trip to Ohio]]. <br />
<br />
===28th===<br />
Chris's 28th birthday is shrouded in mystery. Other than his [[ego|obsessive desire]] to see his birthday made a holiday, next to nothing is known about how it was spent. What we do know is that he ingested a [[Semen|mysterious substance]] and was [[Magical Man Potion|visited]] by another [[Jerk|male]] guest. [[Alec Benson Leary]] also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|called in and congratulated him]], being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails,_2010#Hey.2C_Vivian_.E2.80.94_11_February|had been saving $100]] to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after [[The Wallflower]] became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free. <br />
<br />
===29th===<br />
Nobody knows due to his recent hiatus from the internet, but likely masturbated some more and wasted more money on video games.<br />
<br />
* '''''Sonichu'' Canon:''' Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.<br />
<br />
==Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution==<br />
<center><gallery><br />
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg|Age 5: Cute kid, right?<br />
Image:0092-Christians14th.jpg|Age 14 <br />
Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|Age 17<br />
Image:0491-CWC18th23.jpg|Age 18<br />
Image:0583-CWC19-2.jpg|Age 19<br />
Image:0599-CWC20-4.jpg|Age 20<br />
Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|Age 21<br />
Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|Age 22<br />
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|Age 23<br />
Image:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg|Age 24<br />
Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|Age 25<br />
Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|Age 26: Cute kid, right?<br />
</gallery></center><br />
<br />
=="Christian Love Day"==<br />
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally TRUE and HONEST, and not a [[things Chris has ripped off|rip-off]] at all).]]<br />
Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be [[Ego|focused on him too]]. First seen in the [[CWC Blog]], "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by [[Homo|STRAIGHT]] folk. In the [[Mailbag]], he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because [[Reality|he wills it]] and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond one [[Christian Love Day|lone video]].<br />
<br />
In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and [[ego]]). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he [[Reality|has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality]].<br />
<br />
====24 February is also...====<br />
* Armenia's Genocide Remembrance Day.<br />
* The day the Nazi Party was founded (1920).<br />
* The day the [[Wikipedia:Battle of Los Angeles|U.S. military fought a UFO over Los Angeles]] (1942).<br />
* The day Egyptian Premier Ahmed Maher Pasha was killed in Parliament after reading a decree (1945).<br />
* The day Ayatollah Khomeini issued a ''fatwa'' for the death of Salman Rushdie (1989).<br />
<br />
====Other people born on 24 February include...====<br />
* [[100_2269|George Harrison]] (1943)<br />
* [[IPods_Down_and_Listen_Up|Steve Jobs]] (1955)<br />
* Chad Hugo (1974)<br />
* [[Niggo|Floyd Mayweather, Jr.]] (1977)<br />
<br />
[[Category:Events]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Chris%27s_birthday&diff=135085Chris's birthday2011-02-25T15:05:54Z<p>Kyweaver: /* 29th */</p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|[[Homo|Chris blows.]]]]<br />
<br />
{{quote|Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!"|Chris, on being nearly 30.}}<br />
<br />
'''[[Chris]]'s birthday''', 24 February, is a significant date in his life, for obvious reasons. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new [[vidya]], to [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|wanting his birthday to be a national holiday]]) warrants some inspection.<br />
<br />
==Notable Birthdays==<br />
<br />
[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|Chris's best birthday EVER!]]<br />
<br />
===18th===<br />
While [[Trolls|most people]] would've celebrated by partying hard, doing [[Sex|something special]], or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris got a Sega Dreamcast. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children &mdash; comprised of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some [[Friend Zone|platonic]] [[gal-pals]] as guests. No [[alcohol]], no [[tobacky]], just ''Kenan & Kel'' and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever. The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "[[My big 18th party]]".<br />
<br />
===21st===<br />
[[Image:0603-CWC21Note.jpg|thumb|And now the worst...]]<br />
If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this is probably his worst. No friends, no new [[video games]], and no [[sweetheart]]. The only thing Chris got was kicked out of his [[PVCC|college]] [[English]] class by his professor. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the [[Love Quest]] &mdash; Chris's enduring search for someone that will [[Barbara_Chandler|put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity]].<br />
<br />
===23rd===<br />
Chris documented this birthday in an issue of [[News_Dash#Chris.27s_23rd_Birthday|''Sonichu's News Dash'']]. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion." He was treated like a child and loved every second of it.<br />
<br />
===25th===<br />
[[Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|thumb|Chris's 25th birthday and [[DVD]] launch party.]]<br />
To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|IMPORTANT MESSAGE]], inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience. <br />
<br />
===27th===<br />
Chris's 27th birthday coincided with the burial of his late [[Aunt Corrina]]. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to [[Obesity|stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes]] instead of [[Chris_and_death|mourning]] the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in a [[Mumble 9|Mumble chat]] about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He also received some birthday money, which he used to fund his [[Julie|road trip to Ohio]]. <br />
<br />
===28th===<br />
Chris's 28th birthday is shrouded in mystery. Other than his [[ego|obsessive desire]] to see his birthday made a holiday, next to nothing is known about how it was spent. What we do know is that he ingested a [[Semen|mysterious substance]] and was [[Magical Man Potion|visited]] by another [[Jerk|male]] guest. [[Alec Benson Leary]] also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|called in and congratulated him]], being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails,_2010#Hey.2C_Vivian_.E2.80.94_11_February|had been saving $100]] to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after [[The Wallflower]] became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free. <br />
<br />
===29th===<br />
Nobody knows due to his recent hiatus from the internet, but likely masturbated some more and wasted more money on video gamess.<br />
<br />
* '''''Sonichu'' Canon:''' Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.<br />
<br />
==Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution==<br />
<center><gallery><br />
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg|Age 5: Cute kid, right?<br />
Image:0092-Christians14th.jpg|Age 14 <br />
Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|Age 17<br />
Image:0491-CWC18th23.jpg|Age 18<br />
Image:0583-CWC19-2.jpg|Age 19<br />
Image:0599-CWC20-4.jpg|Age 20<br />
Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|Age 21<br />
Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|Age 22<br />
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|Age 23<br />
Image:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg|Age 24<br />
Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|Age 25<br />
Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|Age 26: Cute kid, right?<br />
</gallery></center><br />
<br />
=="Christian Love Day"==<br />
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally TRUE and HONEST, and not a [[things Chris has ripped off|rip-off]] at all).]]<br />
Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be [[Ego|focused on him too]]. First seen in the [[CWC Blog]], "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by [[Homo|STRAIGHT]] folk. In the [[Mailbag]], he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because [[Reality|he wills it]] and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond one [[Christian Love Day|lone video]].<br />
<br />
In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and [[ego]]). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he [[Reality|has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality]].<br />
<br />
====24 February is also...====<br />
* Armenia's Genocide Remembrance Day.<br />
* The day the Nazi Party was founded (1920).<br />
* The day the [[Wikipedia:Battle of Los Angeles|U.S. military fought a UFO over Los Angeles]] (1942).<br />
* The day Egyptian Premier Ahmed Maher Pasha was killed in Parliament after reading a decree (1945).<br />
* The day Ayatollah Khomeini issued a ''fatwa'' for the death of Salman Rushdie (1989).<br />
<br />
====Other people born on 24 February include...====<br />
* [[100_2269|George Harrison]] (1943)<br />
* [[IPods_Down_and_Listen_Up|Steve Jobs]] (1955)<br />
* Chad Hugo (1974)<br />
* [[Niggo|Floyd Mayweather, Jr.]] (1977)<br />
<br />
[[Category:Events]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Chris%27s_birthday&diff=135084Chris's birthday2011-02-25T15:05:17Z<p>Kyweaver: </p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|thumb|[[Homo|Chris blows.]]]]<br />
<br />
{{quote|Today we celebrate our CHRISTIAN LOVE DAY!"|Chris, on being nearly 30.}}<br />
<br />
'''[[Chris]]'s birthday''', 24 February, is a significant date in his life, for obvious reasons. However, the bizarre inconsistency of how he celebrates (from some new [[vidya]], to [[Examples of Chris's Ego#Christian Love Day|wanting his birthday to be a national holiday]]) warrants some inspection.<br />
<br />
==Notable Birthdays==<br />
<br />
[[Image:0481-CWC18th12.jpg|thumb|Chris's best birthday EVER!]]<br />
<br />
===18th===<br />
While [[Trolls|most people]] would've celebrated by partying hard, doing [[Sex|something special]], or just acknowledging that they have grown into legal adults, Chris got a Sega Dreamcast. While he did have something of a party, it was very much the kind thrown for small children &mdash; comprised of thrown-together decor, last-minute gifts, and some [[Friend Zone|platonic]] [[gal-pals]] as guests. No [[alcohol]], no [[tobacky]], just ''Kenan & Kel'' and cake. Interestingly, this was allegedly Chris's best birthday ever. The great importance of this event apparently warranted recording as a story, "[[My big 18th party]]".<br />
<br />
===21st===<br />
[[Image:0603-CWC21Note.jpg|thumb|And now the worst...]]<br />
If the above birthday was Chris's best, then this is probably his worst. No friends, no new [[video games]], and no [[sweetheart]]. The only thing Chris got was kicked out of his [[PVCC|college]] [[English]] class by his professor. All wasn't lost, however, as this event was the catalyst that began the [[Love Quest]] &mdash; Chris's enduring search for someone that will [[Barbara_Chandler|put up with his crying and pamper him for eternity]].<br />
<br />
===23rd===<br />
Chris documented this birthday in an issue of [[News_Dash#Chris.27s_23rd_Birthday|''Sonichu's News Dash'']]. It took place at the mall and was attended by his parents, as well as "a couple of his new-found gal-pals, who all already have Boyfriends, or are otherwise undatable, due to her religion." He was treated like a child and loved every second of it.<br />
<br />
===25th===<br />
[[Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|thumb|Chris's 25th birthday and [[DVD]] launch party.]]<br />
To celebrate this milestone, Chris recorded an [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|IMPORTANT MESSAGE]], inspiring girls, boys, and dudes of all teenages with the many lessons he has learned from his quarter-century of experience. <br />
<br />
===27th===<br />
Chris's 27th birthday coincided with the burial of his late [[Aunt Corrina]]. Undoubtedly, this cast a shadow on the festivities. In true Chris fashion, he bitched and complained about not being able to [[Obesity|stuff his greedy gullet full of pancakes]] instead of [[Chris_and_death|mourning]] the loss of his aunt. He would later go on to complain in a [[Mumble 9|Mumble chat]] about how Aunt Corrina ruined his special day by selfishly dying. He also received some birthday money, which he used to fund his [[Julie|road trip to Ohio]]. <br />
<br />
===28th===<br />
Chris's 28th birthday is shrouded in mystery. Other than his [[ego|obsessive desire]] to see his birthday made a holiday, next to nothing is known about how it was spent. What we do know is that he ingested a [[Semen|mysterious substance]] and was [[Magical Man Potion|visited]] by another [[Jerk|male]] guest. [[Alec Benson Leary]] also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|called in and congratulated him]], being the all-around nice guy that he is. Chris [[Vivian_Gee_E-mails,_2010#Hey.2C_Vivian_.E2.80.94_11_February|had been saving $100]] to pay for a prostitute as a birthday present for himself, but he ultimately abandoned that idea after [[The Wallflower]] became his friend and he assumed he would be allowed to have sex with her for free. <br />
<br />
===29th===<br />
Nobody knows due to his recent hiatus from the internet, but likely [[mass debated]] some more and wasted more money on video gamess.<br />
<br />
* '''''Sonichu'' Canon:''' Coincidentally (or not), the homo vaccine in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] is distributed into the world's water supply on this day.<br />
<br />
==Birthday Gallery: Witness the Evolution==<br />
<center><gallery><br />
Image:0024-ChristopherTurns5.jpg|Age 5: Cute kid, right?<br />
Image:0092-Christians14th.jpg|Age 14 <br />
Image:0406-ChristianIs17-4.jpg|Age 17<br />
Image:0491-CWC18th23.jpg|Age 18<br />
Image:0583-CWC19-2.jpg|Age 19<br />
Image:0599-CWC20-4.jpg|Age 20<br />
Image:0606-CWC21-2.jpg|Age 21<br />
Image:0608-CWCIs22.jpg|Age 22<br />
Image:0694-AnnaBD8.JPG|Age 23<br />
Image:0793-CWCIs24-2.jpg|Age 24<br />
Image:0940-CWCsAppreaciation.JPG|Age 25<br />
Image:ChrisMomsPanties.jpg|Age 26: Cute kid, right?<br />
</gallery></center><br />
<br />
=="Christian Love Day"==<br />
[[File:Christian Love Day Declaration.jpg|thumb|The Christian Love Day Declaration (which is totally TRUE and HONEST, and not a [[things Chris has ripped off|rip-off]] at all).]]<br />
Many people see their birthday as a day of personal relevance. Chris, on the other hand, thinks everyone across the globe should be [[Ego|focused on him too]]. First seen in the [[CWC Blog]], "Christian Love Day" is apparently a second Valentine's Day, but celebrated exclusively by [[Homo|STRAIGHT]] folk. In the [[Mailbag]], he clarified he "feels like" it should be a nationally recognized holiday, merely because [[Reality|he wills it]] and it's also Mexican Flag Day. However, Chris provides no details on how to celebrate, nor does he put any effort into garnering publicity beyond one [[Christian Love Day|lone video]].<br />
<br />
In [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']], the holiday gains slightly more credence, along with some disturbing moral stipulations. It is on this day that the homo vaccine "cures" the homosexual population of the Earth, driving the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] up to critical levels. It seems to be that this fictional event is the real reason Chris wants to commemorate his birthday as a holiday (well, that and [[ego]]). Chris either thinks his comic is so widely known that the date of its denouement would be nationally recognized, or he [[Reality|has a skewed perception of the lines between fiction and reality]].<br />
<br />
====24 February is also...====<br />
* Armenia's Genocide Remembrance Day.<br />
* The day the Nazi Party was founded (1920).<br />
* The day the [[Wikipedia:Battle of Los Angeles|U.S. military fought a UFO over Los Angeles]] (1942).<br />
* The day Egyptian Premier Ahmed Maher Pasha was killed in Parliament after reading a decree (1945).<br />
* The day Ayatollah Khomeini issued a ''fatwa'' for the death of Salman Rushdie (1989).<br />
<br />
====Other people born on 24 February include...====<br />
* [[100_2269|George Harrison]] (1943)<br />
* [[IPods_Down_and_Listen_Up|Steve Jobs]] (1955)<br />
* Chad Hugo (1974)<br />
* [[Niggo|Floyd Mayweather, Jr.]] (1977)<br />
<br />
[[Category:Events]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Talk:Piedmont_Virginia_Community_College&diff=134344Talk:Piedmont Virginia Community College2011-02-14T17:39:16Z<p>Kyweaver: /* PVCC itself */</p>
<hr />
<div>Was it the PVCC graduation that Chris spazzed out?--[[User:UncleBastard|UncleBastard]] 06:49, 31 March 2009 (CEST)<br />
*No, that was definitely high school. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:49, 3 April 2009 (CEST)<br />
<br />
**Just noticed that Chris's degree's say he graduated in 2006. Granted he was banned for a year, but wouldn't it then have taken 5 years to earn his associates degree, not 4? Just asking [[User:SargentPickles|SargentPickles]] 15:00, 21 May 2010 (EST)<br />
==To do==<br />
Add about how Chris "reacted in the most appropriate way" or whatever the hell he said. IMHO, sounds like Chris might have physically assaulted MLW or at least come close. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 14:12, 14 May 2009 (CEST)<br />
: ''I reacted with my own attack that she had been asking for the whole time.''<br />
: I interpreted this as Chris splurging on the printer and putting more of his ads everywhere on campus. If it were near-physical I'd be amazed he didn't get permabanned or worse. [[User:Axe|Axe]] 10:01, 16 May 2009 (CEST)<br />
<br />
<br />
==English==<br />
<br />
Theorectically:<br />
<br />
'''-Chris is a dumbass all year, reads book-'''<br />
<br />
'''CWC: O HAY I HAVE AUTIZM TOO'''<br />
<br />
'''Prof: No, you don't. You're totally neurotypical'''<br />
<br />
'''-Tard Rage-'''<br />
'''-Kicked-'''<br />
<br />
About right, or does someone have the real story? I'm curious --[[User:Jump|Jump]] 05:17, 2 July 2009 (CEST)<br />
<br />
Not a big thing, but I noticed that underneath his PVCC graduation gown, he's wearing his honor roll sash from high school, so I added it.[[User:WarOfTheBees|WarOfTheBees]] 17:23, 11 March 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Did he wear his high school cap & gown to his college graduation? ==<br />
<br />
It appears that he's wearing a blue cap & gown compared to everyone who is wearing the traditional black gown. The tassel also appears to be from high school too.<br />
<br />
== PVCC itself ==<br />
<br />
Im not seeing where Piedmont Virginia Community College is laughed at by other instituions, in fact im finding praise for it in its role in the local community. Im not defending it, im just not a fan of false information. (kyweaver, Feb 14th 2011. 11:30 CT)</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Talk:Piedmont_Virginia_Community_College&diff=134343Talk:Piedmont Virginia Community College2011-02-14T17:38:48Z<p>Kyweaver: /* PVCC itself */</p>
<hr />
<div>Was it the PVCC graduation that Chris spazzed out?--[[User:UncleBastard|UncleBastard]] 06:49, 31 March 2009 (CEST)<br />
*No, that was definitely high school. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:49, 3 April 2009 (CEST)<br />
<br />
**Just noticed that Chris's degree's say he graduated in 2006. Granted he was banned for a year, but wouldn't it then have taken 5 years to earn his associates degree, not 4? Just asking [[User:SargentPickles|SargentPickles]] 15:00, 21 May 2010 (EST)<br />
==To do==<br />
Add about how Chris "reacted in the most appropriate way" or whatever the hell he said. IMHO, sounds like Chris might have physically assaulted MLW or at least come close. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 14:12, 14 May 2009 (CEST)<br />
: ''I reacted with my own attack that she had been asking for the whole time.''<br />
: I interpreted this as Chris splurging on the printer and putting more of his ads everywhere on campus. If it were near-physical I'd be amazed he didn't get permabanned or worse. [[User:Axe|Axe]] 10:01, 16 May 2009 (CEST)<br />
<br />
<br />
==English==<br />
<br />
Theorectically:<br />
<br />
'''-Chris is a dumbass all year, reads book-'''<br />
<br />
'''CWC: O HAY I HAVE AUTIZM TOO'''<br />
<br />
'''Prof: No, you don't. You're totally neurotypical'''<br />
<br />
'''-Tard Rage-'''<br />
'''-Kicked-'''<br />
<br />
About right, or does someone have the real story? I'm curious --[[User:Jump|Jump]] 05:17, 2 July 2009 (CEST)<br />
<br />
Not a big thing, but I noticed that underneath his PVCC graduation gown, he's wearing his honor roll sash from high school, so I added it.[[User:WarOfTheBees|WarOfTheBees]] 17:23, 11 March 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Did he wear his high school cap & gown to his college graduation? ==<br />
<br />
It appears that he's wearing a blue cap & gown compared to everyone who is wearing the traditional black gown. The tassel also appears to be from high school too.<br />
<br />
== PVCC itself ==<br />
<br />
Im not seeing where Piedmont Virginia Community College is laughed at by other instituions, in fact im finding praise for it in its role in the local community. Im not defending it, im just not a fan of false information. (kyweaver, Feb 14th 2010. 11:30 CT)</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Talk:Piedmont_Virginia_Community_College&diff=134342Talk:Piedmont Virginia Community College2011-02-14T17:38:28Z<p>Kyweaver: /* PVCC itself */ new section</p>
<hr />
<div>Was it the PVCC graduation that Chris spazzed out?--[[User:UncleBastard|UncleBastard]] 06:49, 31 March 2009 (CEST)<br />
*No, that was definitely high school. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:49, 3 April 2009 (CEST)<br />
<br />
**Just noticed that Chris's degree's say he graduated in 2006. Granted he was banned for a year, but wouldn't it then have taken 5 years to earn his associates degree, not 4? Just asking [[User:SargentPickles|SargentPickles]] 15:00, 21 May 2010 (EST)<br />
==To do==<br />
Add about how Chris "reacted in the most appropriate way" or whatever the hell he said. IMHO, sounds like Chris might have physically assaulted MLW or at least come close. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 14:12, 14 May 2009 (CEST)<br />
: ''I reacted with my own attack that she had been asking for the whole time.''<br />
: I interpreted this as Chris splurging on the printer and putting more of his ads everywhere on campus. If it were near-physical I'd be amazed he didn't get permabanned or worse. [[User:Axe|Axe]] 10:01, 16 May 2009 (CEST)<br />
<br />
<br />
==English==<br />
<br />
Theorectically:<br />
<br />
'''-Chris is a dumbass all year, reads book-'''<br />
<br />
'''CWC: O HAY I HAVE AUTIZM TOO'''<br />
<br />
'''Prof: No, you don't. You're totally neurotypical'''<br />
<br />
'''-Tard Rage-'''<br />
'''-Kicked-'''<br />
<br />
About right, or does someone have the real story? I'm curious --[[User:Jump|Jump]] 05:17, 2 July 2009 (CEST)<br />
<br />
Not a big thing, but I noticed that underneath his PVCC graduation gown, he's wearing his honor roll sash from high school, so I added it.[[User:WarOfTheBees|WarOfTheBees]] 17:23, 11 March 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Did he wear his high school cap & gown to his college graduation? ==<br />
<br />
It appears that he's wearing a blue cap & gown compared to everyone who is wearing the traditional black gown. The tassel also appears to be from high school too.<br />
<br />
== PVCC itself ==<br />
<br />
Im not seeing where Piedmont Virginia Community College is laughed at by other instituions, in fact im finding praise for it in its role in the local community. Im not defending it, im just not a fan of false information. (kyweaver, Feb 14th 2010. 11:30)</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Talk:Main_Page&diff=126470Talk:Main Page2010-11-22T22:56:52Z<p>Kyweaver: </p>
<hr />
<div>{{protip|This talk page should serve as a place to discuss improving the overall front page of CWCki. For discussion on improvements to CWCki overall, please see the [[CWCki:Community Portal|Community Portal]]. For discussing individual front page templates, please refer to the discussion pages of those templates.}}<br />
<br />
'''Archives''': [[Talk:Main Page/Archive 1|1]] [[Talk:Main Page/Archive 2|2]]<br />
<br />
==Protect the templates==<br />
Seeing how the main page itself is protected, why not protect the templates as well? [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 16:49, 11 September 2010 (PDT)<br />
*There's already cascading protection for all the front page templates. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:51, 11 September 2010 (PDT)<br />
*Stop freaking out about this spammer shit, Champ has it under control --[[User:Megaman|Megaman]] 16:53, 11 September 2010 (PDT)<br />
<br />
== new vid ==<br />
<br />
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzAJvMKQeJA&feature=player_embedded<br />
<br />
can't add news so there you go--[[User:Wintermute|Wintermute]] 13:38, 16 September 2010 (PDT)<br />
<br />
==Can this be the new Quote of the Now, please?==<br />
<br />
{{quote|I've learned... from my father; he taught and showed me which male ends go into which female ends.|Wallflower E-mails.}}<br />
<br />
[[User:Bunsteaks|Bunsteaks]] 13:28, 25 September 2010 (PDT)<br />
I'm for this too.<br />
[[User:Theiselybors|Theiselybros]] 02:10, 21 October 2010 (EST)<br />
<br />
==I suggest this for the Video of the Now==<br />
<br />
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmFHPbaNT04 [[User:Xavier|Xavier]] 07:37, 28 September 2010 (PDT)<br />
<br />
Since there's a white space in the Video of the Now (at least on my computer) why not feature this video? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoqjN3amRD4<br />
--[[User:Vofdoom38|VofDoom38]] 17:44, 21 October 2010 (PDT)<br />
<br />
== Project Map Fucking Everything ==<br />
<br />
Started up this project and got a lot of things mapped down.<br />
<br />
http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?hl=en&gl=us&ptab=2&ie=UTF8&oe=UTF8&msa=0&msid=116038930500742252038.0004949e055d81dc61c0b<br />
<br />
I'd like to get all of the places he mentions/visits/films/rapes marked down on the map, but there's a lot of videos and some of them I never wish to see again. So, it's open collaboration and anyone with a Google account can edit it. Feel free to login and mark down different areas he's visited. Just try to be logical and succinct when adding locations. Don't need every McDonald's marked down. When doing videos of him travelling, try to figure out the path with a line and mark at least one end of it.<br />
<br />
Now, a question:<br />
Should we make a page for the full map or just link it in the bottom of the "Locations" divs on the other pages?<br />
-- [[User:Arius|Arius]] 13:49, 9 November 2010 (PST)<br />
<br />
*Put it on the locations template. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 13:53, 9 November 2010 (PST)<br />
**Done. Couldn't think of a better name than Chris's World. -- [[User:Arius|Arius]] 14:11, 9 November 2010 (PST)<br />
<br />
== Sports ==<br />
<br />
Is there any inclination that Chris is into any kind of sport or professional sports team? I asked this on the main page because I don't know where else to ask it.<br />
*Sign your fucking posts god damn. Also, no. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 04:18, 14 November 2010 (PST)</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Talk:Main_Page&diff=126368Talk:Main Page2010-11-22T20:06:18Z<p>Kyweaver: /* UPDATE */ new section</p>
<hr />
<div>{{protip|This talk page should serve as a place to discuss improving the overall front page of CWCki. For discussion on improvements to CWCki overall, please see the [[CWCki:Community Portal|Community Portal]]. For discussing individual front page templates, please refer to the discussion pages of those templates.}}<br />
<br />
'''Archives''': [[Talk:Main Page/Archive 1|1]] [[Talk:Main Page/Archive 2|2]]<br />
<br />
==Protect the templates==<br />
Seeing how the main page itself is protected, why not protect the templates as well? [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 16:49, 11 September 2010 (PDT)<br />
*There's already cascading protection for all the front page templates. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:51, 11 September 2010 (PDT)<br />
*Stop freaking out about this spammer shit, Champ has it under control --[[User:Megaman|Megaman]] 16:53, 11 September 2010 (PDT)<br />
<br />
== new vid ==<br />
<br />
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzAJvMKQeJA&feature=player_embedded<br />
<br />
can't add news so there you go--[[User:Wintermute|Wintermute]] 13:38, 16 September 2010 (PDT)<br />
<br />
==Can this be the new Quote of the Now, please?==<br />
<br />
{{quote|I've learned... from my father; he taught and showed me which male ends go into which female ends.|Wallflower E-mails.}}<br />
<br />
[[User:Bunsteaks|Bunsteaks]] 13:28, 25 September 2010 (PDT)<br />
I'm for this too.<br />
[[User:Theiselybors|Theiselybros]] 02:10, 21 October 2010 (EST)<br />
<br />
==I suggest this for the Video of the Now==<br />
<br />
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmFHPbaNT04 [[User:Xavier|Xavier]] 07:37, 28 September 2010 (PDT)<br />
<br />
Since there's a white space in the Video of the Now (at least on my computer) why not feature this video? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoqjN3amRD4<br />
--[[User:Vofdoom38|VofDoom38]] 17:44, 21 October 2010 (PDT)<br />
<br />
== Project Map Fucking Everything ==<br />
<br />
Started up this project and got a lot of things mapped down.<br />
<br />
http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?hl=en&gl=us&ptab=2&ie=UTF8&oe=UTF8&msa=0&msid=116038930500742252038.0004949e055d81dc61c0b<br />
<br />
I'd like to get all of the places he mentions/visits/films/rapes marked down on the map, but there's a lot of videos and some of them I never wish to see again. So, it's open collaboration and anyone with a Google account can edit it. Feel free to login and mark down different areas he's visited. Just try to be logical and succinct when adding locations. Don't need every McDonald's marked down. When doing videos of him travelling, try to figure out the path with a line and mark at least one end of it.<br />
<br />
Now, a question:<br />
Should we make a page for the full map or just link it in the bottom of the "Locations" divs on the other pages?<br />
-- [[User:Arius|Arius]] 13:49, 9 November 2010 (PST)<br />
<br />
*Put it on the locations template. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 13:53, 9 November 2010 (PST)<br />
**Done. Couldn't think of a better name than Chris's World. -- [[User:Arius|Arius]] 14:11, 9 November 2010 (PST)<br />
<br />
== Sports ==<br />
<br />
Is there any inclination that Chris is into any kind of sport or professional sports team? I asked this on the main page because I don't know where else to ask it.<br />
*Sign your fucking posts god damn. Also, no. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 04:18, 14 November 2010 (PST)<br />
<br />
== UPDATE ==<br />
<br />
Chris deleted all his videos under "ChristianWChandler" on youtube......he'll be back though. Kyweaver</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Chris_and_music&diff=126339Chris and music2010-11-22T18:15:56Z<p>Kyweaver: /* Musical tastes */</p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|This is obviously what music is all about]]<br />
<br />
When it comes to '''music''', [[Chris]]'s tastes range from generic pop to generic rock. However, he [[SHE IS MINE NOW|has been seen]] listening to shit he's heard from ''[[Guitar Hero]]''. While some undoubtedly great songs have made their way into the franchise, it is debatable whether Chris actually listens to them for enjoyment, instead of simply posturing. <br />
<br />
==Musical tastes==<br />
Chris has often cited that he likes "All popular music." While it's possible that he's just giving that answer to appear cool and easygoing, he really does seem to try to listen to whatever popular opinion tells him is good. Almost every song on either of his two horrible albums was a top 40 hit at one point or another. Additionally, in a few of his [[Mumble]] chats, Chris left his radio on for the whole conversation. This means that he both enjoys the background music, and that he's totally inconsiderate to the other people in the chat.<br />
<br />
Chris's favorite radio station is [[Wikipedia:WQMZ|Lite Rock Z95.1]] from [[Charlottesville]], which plays incredibly bland and inoffensive pop music (i.e. what you hear in a doctor's office or a store too cheap to afford Muzak). The station bills its offerings as "today's hits and yesterday's favorites, music for women."<ref>[http://www.z95.net Z95.1 homepage]</ref> Chris listens to the [[John Tesh]] radio show on 95.1, and once won a set of tickets to a [[100 2178|sporting event]] through a call-in contest.<br />
<br />
The only artist Chris seems to really idolize is [[Britney Spears]]. There is virtually no doubt that this is more because she's hot than because he appreciates her (alleged) musical talent. In his date with [[Emily]], he claims to like Louis Armstrong, but he's never mentioned the man since, so it was probably just an effort to look like a [[Bob|sophisticated jazz-listener]].<br />
<br />
If his Rhapsody account (seen below) is any indication, almost everything Chris listens to has been in a ''Guitar Hero'' or [[Sonic]] game. This adds yet more [[Fat|weight]] to the theory that Chris is spoon-fed pop culture from [[PS3| video games]] and ''[[Family Guy]]''.<br />
<br />
Also, keeping with the theme of liking things that most people his age are unaware of (such as the lesser-known ''[[Ghostbusters]]'' series or ''[[American Rabbit]]'') or would not enjoy (such as ''[[Red Skelton]]'', ''[[I Love Lucy]]'' or ''[[Thurston Howell III|Gilligan's Island]]''), Chris has twice referenced [[Wikipedia:Billy Joel|Billy Joel]]'s 1985 track "[[Wikipedia:You're Only Human (Second Wind)|You're Only Human (Second Wind)]]," an extremely dated, upbeat mid-'80s pop song written specifically to stop teenagers from [[Ryan Cash|killing themselves]]. To date, Chris has referenced the song in a [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|YouTube video]] where he says [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shitting your pants]] from [[stress]] isn't a big deal, and again when [[Mailbag 6|asked]] by a fan whether he'd ever had thoughts of suicide. Chris replied, with no elaboration, that he had [[Lie|"a lot to live for"]] and told the fan to go listen to the song.<br />
<br />
Chris has also expressed a fondness for the [[Wikipedia:Insane Clown Posse|Insane Clown Posse]], releasing two videos ([[Hello, Juffalo]] and [[JuggaloShoutOut]]) in which he paints his face and talks about being a [[Wikipedia:Juggalo|Juggalo]]. Since fans of ICP are usually idiotic dumbasses who believe themselves to be outcasts of society, it is easy to understand why becoming a Juggalo would appeal to Chris.<br />
<br />
==YouTube background music==<br />
Towards the fall of 2009, Chris began to include popular songs as background music in a number of his [[YouTube]] videos. Some videos, such as [[SHE IS MINE NOW]], featured [[Wikipedia:Aerosmith|Aerosmith]] in the background, possibly in a sad attempt to appear intimidating and hardcore. For [[30 Push-Ups|videos]] showing off his [[I AM STRONG|athletic prowess]], Chris favored "[[Wikipedia:Eye of the Tiger|Eye of the Tiger]]" by Survivor. In light of Chris's virulent hatred of [[homos]], this is a somewhat ironic choice, given the extraordinarily homoerotic overtones of both the training sequences in ''Rocky III'' and Survivor's own music video for the song. For [[For Kacey from CWC|videos]] intended to express his heartfelt love for [[Kacey]], Chris employed REO Speedwagon's power ballad "Can't Fight This Feeling."<br />
<br />
==Singing==<br />
<br />
{{Quote|...and when singing I can have a Frank Sinatra or Bing Crosby flavor.|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls#Introduction|being sadly mistaken]].}}<br />
<br />
[[Image:CWCGUITARHERO.jpg|thumb|right|"You've seen life through distorted eyes,<br />
<br>You know you had to learn,<br />
<br>The execution of your mind,<br />
<br>You really had to turn"]]<br />
<br />
It is impossible to overstate how terrible of a singer Chris is. It's also impossible to overstate [[Chris and reality|how deluded Chris is]] about his ability to sing. He's so deluded, in fact, when trying to confront [[Liquid]] via artistic competition, he created the [[SingStar Challenge]], and lost spectacularly. <br />
<br />
Despite claiming to have a "deep bass voice", Chris's voice is unusually high-pitched, and often louder than appropriate. He also tends to speak in an [[Autism|odd, emotionless monotone]]. These issues with his voice become even more obvious when he tries to sing. In both his [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] albums, he doesn't actually "sing" so much as desperately yell over the track in an attempt to drown out the actual words of the song (as he never bothers to look up karaoke/instrumental only versions of anything he sings). This is painfully obvious when he attempts to sing [[Sonichu's Zip]], a song that uses "Sonic Drive," the ''Japanese'' theme song of the anime ''[[Sonic]] X'', where the entire song devolves into screaming gibberish. When he does try to actually vary his voice away from the standard monotone, it becomes very obvious that Chris is almost completely tone-deaf. His [[Speech Impediment|voice goes up and down]] with little regard to the background music, or even the original artist he's shouting over. He barely manages to carry a tune on [[I Got A Fish]], though. If Chris could sing at all, his voice type would be at best a [[wikipedia:Spieltenor|spieltenor]] (used for comical roles) pushing towards [[wikipedia:countertenor|countertenor]]/[[wikipedia:castrato|castrato]], and completely outside the bass range that he deludes himself into thinking he has.<br />
<br />
Chris also has a lot of trouble with timing. While the songs he's written usually do a pretty good job matching the originals, Chris often falls behind or rushes ahead of the music he's chosen. This could probably be avoided if he took the time to practice, but practice would be work, and work is something Chris just doesn't do. Because of this, he's terrible at remembering the actual words to the song he's singing. The only part he tends to know is the chorus of the song, likely because of the repetition and that it's the only part of the song he actually pays attention to. This doesn't stop him from attempting to make up his own lyrics, although most of the time this just him mumbling incoherent nonsense before pausing to wait for the chorus to repeat. The look of dull panic on his face is priceless.<br />
<br />
===A capella===<br />
In the [[Official Videobooks]], Chris will occasionally break out into ''a capella'' renditions of what we can only assume is supposed to be Sonichu's theme music. These bizarre freestyle musical interludes drive home exactly how childish Chris is. There's something uniquely terrifying about a 28 year old man (who looks like he's 45) showing us his Sonic/Pokémon crossover and shouting "dun dun dun." Chris also occasionally does this in his normal videos. He also performed a poor rendition of "The Final Countdown" while showing us that he can still [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|pick up a chair]].<br />
<br />
Despite his frequent use of this vocal technique, Chris clearly doesn't understand the full meaning of the word. During the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]], a frequent source of [[rage]] from Chris was the "music" in the background of [[Adam Stackhouse]]'s video. However, since the music was simple beatboxing, it would be considered ''a capella'' by most.<br />
<br />
===Rap===<br />
With the success of artists like [[Wikipedia:Eminem|Eminem]] and [[Wikipedia:Jedi Mind Tricks|Jedi Mind Tricks]], plus the odd continued existence of [[Wikipedia:Nerdcore|nerdcore]], white guys rapping on [[YouTube]] is not unheard of. [[CChanSonichuCWC|Some of these individuals]] demonstrate impressive [[SHE IS MINE NOW#MC CWC responds|talent]] in their ability to flow on a beat. Christian is not among them.<br />
<br />
Of course, his most notable foray into rap is his entry for the PaRappa Contest. While his motivations and the drama it caused are covered extensively in that article, the video itself is characterized by a complete lack of rhythm or flow. The result sounds sort of like a Muppet slurring his words together and randomly shouting.<br />
<br />
Before he starts the song in earnest, Chris does a little bit of freestyling in the beginning. Needless to say, it's not promising:<br />
<br />
{{Quote|I have a [[PSP]] and she don't/So give me the PSP, unwrap the wrapper/So I can give one to her, and then we can play together!|Chris, almost rhyming.}}<br />
<br />
This was nothing compared to a [[Re to Chris No 2 - SHE IS MINE NOW#Video|later foray]] into the genre. Playing Aerosmith in the background instead of a breakbeat, Chris basically just shouts a lot of random short sentences with no regard as to how they flow, or if they even rhyme at all.<br />
<br />
{{Quote|You just a dang dummy!/And you still chicken, you's a dang coward!/You wanna come fight me/Come fight me in person/Come out from behind the camera you fool|Chris, "rapping"}}<br />
<br />
In [[December 2009]], Chris would [[Hello, Juffalo|rap once again]] to Insane Clown Posse side project [[Wikipedia:Dark Lotus|Dark Lotus]]. As usual, he made no attempt to learn the lyrics and appears to be reading them off a piece of paper with inappropriate affect. During a portion of the video he mumbles to himself, rocking back and forth and fondling his ample breasts not once, but twice. He also refers to himself as a [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Juffalo ''Juffalo''], a term apparently used by Insane Clown Posse aficionados to describe the noncommittal poseurs who aren't good enough to fully appreciate the world of clown-related rap.<br />
<br />
Two days prior to this he made another [[IPods Down and Listen Up|awful freestyle rap]]. The point of this is unclear, although he apparently visited a doctor, who suggested that he take over-the-counter vitamins. He likens the effects of these vitamins to Viagra, and then compares himself to a tiger who would rape a panther to produce tiger-panther cubs. Yeah...<br />
<br />
==Instruments==<br />
<br />
[[Image:CWCGitarPlaying2.jpg|thumb|Click click click. It's like I'm playing real guitar!]]<br />
<br />
[[Image:295.jpg|thumb|The [only] other musical instrument Chris is good at.]]<br />
<br />
{{quote|I would play my ax on the Wii; getting the high scores, scored better, real play for my benefit. | [[Blanca]], acting as a proxy for Chris to espouse his flawed beliefs on music}}<br />
<br />
Chris seems to have a very tenuous grasp on what constitutes a musical instrument. Notably, in several videos, Chris tends to treat his [[Gitar of Fail]] like it's a real instrument. This seems outright foolish, even for Chris, until you consider his mindset. All of Chris's [[Sonichu|"creations"]] are copies of other things, yet are still [[Chris and Copyright|somehow completely original.]] So by "playing" someone else's song on ''Guitar Hero'', his [[autistic]] mindset dictates that he is actually playing the song. Go ahead and try to wrap your head around this doublethink.<br />
<br />
As further proof of his madness, Chris equated Liquid's actual musical skill to him playing ''Guitar Hero'', to such a degree that he felt it necessary to outlaw both in the [[SingStar Challenge]].<br />
<br />
{{quote|I got the idea of the challenge from him COPYING me playing Boston's "More Than A Feeling" on Guitar Hero on his old Wooden Nickel; if he wants to copy on Guitar, he may as well be challenged in a Sing-Off.|Chris, [[Katie Bay E-mails 3|blowing the minds of guitarists of all talent levels]]}}<br />
<br />
{{quote|-NO MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS, real or Guitar Hero/Rock Band/Rock Revolution, etc is to be visible in ANY VIDEO.| Chris, inspiring the hatred of people who like music everywhere}}<br />
<br />
It is also telling that not only does Chris lack any sense of pitch in singing, but with melodies in general. This is evidenced in the [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_1|Wedding Anniversary Special]], where he claims to be playing the original theme to [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], but ends up with some wildly unrecognizable tune that only vaguely resembles the Sonic theme rhythmically. This proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Chris is actually tone-deaf, instead of simply lacking in vocal skills. This may be a symptom of [[autism]], as subtleties in tone and intonation indicating emotional and social cues are beyond his grasp.<br />
<br />
==Recording tech==<br />
Chris's idea of accompaniment is putting the original song playing on the background using his [[PS3]] and the near-$1,000 [[Sony]] LCD HDTV, and the most expensive speakers his [[monthly tugboat|boat]] could tug in, while he sings with his unique voice. The singing, of course, is dutifully recorded with the long-suffering [[PSEye]] camera. The implications are staggering:<br />
<br />
* There's always a huge quality loss when music is played on speaker and then re-recorded from a distance, because the acoustics of the room distort the sound and the air itself blocks low and high frequencies, leaving you with only a distorted fraction of the original sound. Chris, of course, believes that everything he does is perfect on the first try and never has to be redone, just like his art.<br />
<br />
* The original lyrics are still on the song. At least on one occasion, Chris even screwed up harder than this, and got a cover of "Never Gonna Give You Up" from ''Family Guy'', clobbered by dialogue and other sounds.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008]]</ref> While lyrics often can't always be removed from a mixed song entirely, it's at least worth a shot trying lyrics removal software. Or, it might pay to look for an instrumental version or an instrumental cover. (For example, [[wikipedia:Ed Starink|Ed Starink]] made a crapton of decent-to-awesome synthesizer covers of pop songs. ''Yes, even "Never Gonna Give You Up." I'm not kidding, he really did.'')<br />
<br />
* When you have one go and one microphone to record everything, there's no way to correct the errors if you flub anything. The result is obviously perfect…who are we kidding.<br />
<br />
Chris is, of course, unaware of the incredible leaps and bounds that music recording has advanced in recent years, and hasn't noticed that there are plenty of good multitrack sound editors available for free. Many come with lyrics removal plugins.<br />
<br />
Chris also demands this sort of weird screwy setup from ''others''; one might assume, for example, that the Brown-Striped One, with actual musical talent, would have more technical know-how on how to record music properly, but the SingStar Challenge was done on Chris's strange terms.<br />
<br />
==Sauces==<br />
<references/><br />
<br />
==See also==<br />
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)]]<br />
*[[Gitar of Fail]]<br />
*''[[Guitar Hero]]''<br />
*[[List of Chris's Rhapsody.com downloads]]<br />
<br />
==External links==<br />
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?j3wnmyzctwn A list of Chris's MyCokeRewards Rhapsody purchases] (Note that those within "index[[Clyde Cash|GREGG]]bought.html" were, obviously, purchased by trolls who had hijacked the account.)<br />
<br />
{{Chris and}}<br />
<br />
[[Category:Chris-chan]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Chris_and_music&diff=126338Chris and music2010-11-22T18:15:15Z<p>Kyweaver: </p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|This is obviously what music is all about]]<br />
<br />
When it comes to '''music''', [[Chris]]'s tastes range from generic pop to generic rock. However, he [[SHE IS MINE NOW|has been seen]] listening to shit he's heard from ''[[Guitar Hero]]''. While some undoubtedly great songs have made their way into the franchise, it is debatable whether Chris actually listens to them for enjoyment, instead of simply posturing. <br />
<br />
==Musical tastes==<br />
Chris has often cited that he likes "All popular music." While it's possible that he's just giving that answer to appear cool and easygoing, he really does seem to try to listen to whatever popular opinion tells him is good. Almost every song on either of his two horrible albums was a top 40 hit at one point or another. Additionally, in a few of his [[Mumble]] chats, Chris left his radio on for the whole conversation. This means that he both enjoys the background music, and that he's totally inconsiderate to the other people in the chat.<br />
<br />
Chris's favorite radio station is [[Wikipedia:WQMZ|Lite Rock Z95.1]] from [[Charlottesville]], which plays incredibly bland and inoffensive pop music (i.e. what you hear in a doctor's office or a store too cheap to afford Muzak). The station bills its offerings as "today's hits and yesterday's favorites, music for women."<ref>[http://www.z95.net Z95.1 homepage]</ref> Chris listens to the [[John Tesh]] radio show on 95.1, and once won a set of tickets to a [[100 2178|sporting event]] through a call-in contest.<br />
<br />
The only artist Chris seems to really idolize is [[Britney Spears]]. There is virtually no doubt that this is more because she's hot than because he appreciates her (alleged) musical talent. In his date with [[Emily]], he claims to like Louis Armstrong, but he's never mentioned the man since, so it was probably just an effort to look like a [[Bob|sophisticated jazz-listener]].<br />
<br />
If his Rhapsody account (seen below) is any indication, almost everything Chris listens to has been in a ''Guitar Hero'' or [[Sonic]] game. This adds yet more [[Fat|weight]] to the theory that Chris is spoon-fed pop culture from [[PS3| video games]] and ''[[Family Guy]]''.<br />
<br />
Also, keeping with the theme of liking things that most people his age are unaware of (such as the lesser-known ''[[Ghostbusters]]'' series or ''[[American Rabbit]]'') or would not enjoy (such as ''[[Red Skelton]]'', ''[[I Love Lucy]]'' or ''[[Thurston Howell III|Gilligan's Island]]''), Chris has twice referenced [[Wikipedia:Billy Joel|Billy Joel]]'s 1985 track "[[Wikipedia:You're Only Human (Second Wind)|You're Only Human (Second Wind)]]," an extremely dated, upbeat mid-'80s pop song written specifically to stop teenagers from [[Ryan Cash|killing themselves]]. To date, Chris has referenced the song in a [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|YouTube video]] where he says [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shitting your pants]] from [[stress]] isn't a big deal, and again when [[Mailbag 6|asked]] by a fan whether he'd ever had thoughts of suicide. Chris replied, with no elaboration, that he had [[Lie|"a lot to live for"]] and told the fan to go listen to the song.<br />
<br />
Chris has also expressed a fondness for the [[Wikipedia:Insane Clown Posse|Insane Clown Posse]], releasing two videos ([[Hello, Juffalo]] and [[JuggaloShoutOut]]) in which he paints his face and talks about being a [[Wikipedia:Juggalo|Juggalo]]. Since fans of ICP are usually idiotic dumbasses who believe themselves to be outcasts of sociotey, it is easy to understand why becoming a Juggalo would appeal to Chris. <br />
<br />
==YouTube background music==<br />
Towards the fall of 2009, Chris began to include popular songs as background music in a number of his [[YouTube]] videos. Some videos, such as [[SHE IS MINE NOW]], featured [[Wikipedia:Aerosmith|Aerosmith]] in the background, possibly in a sad attempt to appear intimidating and hardcore. For [[30 Push-Ups|videos]] showing off his [[I AM STRONG|athletic prowess]], Chris favored "[[Wikipedia:Eye of the Tiger|Eye of the Tiger]]" by Survivor. In light of Chris's virulent hatred of [[homos]], this is a somewhat ironic choice, given the extraordinarily homoerotic overtones of both the training sequences in ''Rocky III'' and Survivor's own music video for the song. For [[For Kacey from CWC|videos]] intended to express his heartfelt love for [[Kacey]], Chris employed REO Speedwagon's power ballad "Can't Fight This Feeling."<br />
<br />
==Singing==<br />
<br />
{{Quote|...and when singing I can have a Frank Sinatra or Bing Crosby flavor.|Chris, [[Sonichu Girls#Introduction|being sadly mistaken]].}}<br />
<br />
[[Image:CWCGUITARHERO.jpg|thumb|right|"You've seen life through distorted eyes,<br />
<br>You know you had to learn,<br />
<br>The execution of your mind,<br />
<br>You really had to turn"]]<br />
<br />
It is impossible to overstate how terrible of a singer Chris is. It's also impossible to overstate [[Chris and reality|how deluded Chris is]] about his ability to sing. He's so deluded, in fact, when trying to confront [[Liquid]] via artistic competition, he created the [[SingStar Challenge]], and lost spectacularly. <br />
<br />
Despite claiming to have a "deep bass voice", Chris's voice is unusually high-pitched, and often louder than appropriate. He also tends to speak in an [[Autism|odd, emotionless monotone]]. These issues with his voice become even more obvious when he tries to sing. In both his [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]] albums, he doesn't actually "sing" so much as desperately yell over the track in an attempt to drown out the actual words of the song (as he never bothers to look up karaoke/instrumental only versions of anything he sings). This is painfully obvious when he attempts to sing [[Sonichu's Zip]], a song that uses "Sonic Drive," the ''Japanese'' theme song of the anime ''[[Sonic]] X'', where the entire song devolves into screaming gibberish. When he does try to actually vary his voice away from the standard monotone, it becomes very obvious that Chris is almost completely tone-deaf. His [[Speech Impediment|voice goes up and down]] with little regard to the background music, or even the original artist he's shouting over. He barely manages to carry a tune on [[I Got A Fish]], though. If Chris could sing at all, his voice type would be at best a [[wikipedia:Spieltenor|spieltenor]] (used for comical roles) pushing towards [[wikipedia:countertenor|countertenor]]/[[wikipedia:castrato|castrato]], and completely outside the bass range that he deludes himself into thinking he has.<br />
<br />
Chris also has a lot of trouble with timing. While the songs he's written usually do a pretty good job matching the originals, Chris often falls behind or rushes ahead of the music he's chosen. This could probably be avoided if he took the time to practice, but practice would be work, and work is something Chris just doesn't do. Because of this, he's terrible at remembering the actual words to the song he's singing. The only part he tends to know is the chorus of the song, likely because of the repetition and that it's the only part of the song he actually pays attention to. This doesn't stop him from attempting to make up his own lyrics, although most of the time this just him mumbling incoherent nonsense before pausing to wait for the chorus to repeat. The look of dull panic on his face is priceless.<br />
<br />
===A capella===<br />
In the [[Official Videobooks]], Chris will occasionally break out into ''a capella'' renditions of what we can only assume is supposed to be Sonichu's theme music. These bizarre freestyle musical interludes drive home exactly how childish Chris is. There's something uniquely terrifying about a 28 year old man (who looks like he's 45) showing us his Sonic/Pokémon crossover and shouting "dun dun dun." Chris also occasionally does this in his normal videos. He also performed a poor rendition of "The Final Countdown" while showing us that he can still [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|pick up a chair]].<br />
<br />
Despite his frequent use of this vocal technique, Chris clearly doesn't understand the full meaning of the word. During the [[PaRappa the Rapper Contest]], a frequent source of [[rage]] from Chris was the "music" in the background of [[Adam Stackhouse]]'s video. However, since the music was simple beatboxing, it would be considered ''a capella'' by most.<br />
<br />
===Rap===<br />
With the success of artists like [[Wikipedia:Eminem|Eminem]] and [[Wikipedia:Jedi Mind Tricks|Jedi Mind Tricks]], plus the odd continued existence of [[Wikipedia:Nerdcore|nerdcore]], white guys rapping on [[YouTube]] is not unheard of. [[CChanSonichuCWC|Some of these individuals]] demonstrate impressive [[SHE IS MINE NOW#MC CWC responds|talent]] in their ability to flow on a beat. Christian is not among them.<br />
<br />
Of course, his most notable foray into rap is his entry for the PaRappa Contest. While his motivations and the drama it caused are covered extensively in that article, the video itself is characterized by a complete lack of rhythm or flow. The result sounds sort of like a Muppet slurring his words together and randomly shouting.<br />
<br />
Before he starts the song in earnest, Chris does a little bit of freestyling in the beginning. Needless to say, it's not promising:<br />
<br />
{{Quote|I have a [[PSP]] and she don't/So give me the PSP, unwrap the wrapper/So I can give one to her, and then we can play together!|Chris, almost rhyming.}}<br />
<br />
This was nothing compared to a [[Re to Chris No 2 - SHE IS MINE NOW#Video|later foray]] into the genre. Playing Aerosmith in the background instead of a breakbeat, Chris basically just shouts a lot of random short sentences with no regard as to how they flow, or if they even rhyme at all.<br />
<br />
{{Quote|You just a dang dummy!/And you still chicken, you's a dang coward!/You wanna come fight me/Come fight me in person/Come out from behind the camera you fool|Chris, "rapping"}}<br />
<br />
In [[December 2009]], Chris would [[Hello, Juffalo|rap once again]] to Insane Clown Posse side project [[Wikipedia:Dark Lotus|Dark Lotus]]. As usual, he made no attempt to learn the lyrics and appears to be reading them off a piece of paper with inappropriate affect. During a portion of the video he mumbles to himself, rocking back and forth and fondling his ample breasts not once, but twice. He also refers to himself as a [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Juffalo ''Juffalo''], a term apparently used by Insane Clown Posse aficionados to describe the noncommittal poseurs who aren't good enough to fully appreciate the world of clown-related rap.<br />
<br />
Two days prior to this he made another [[IPods Down and Listen Up|awful freestyle rap]]. The point of this is unclear, although he apparently visited a doctor, who suggested that he take over-the-counter vitamins. He likens the effects of these vitamins to Viagra, and then compares himself to a tiger who would rape a panther to produce tiger-panther cubs. Yeah...<br />
<br />
==Instruments==<br />
<br />
[[Image:CWCGitarPlaying2.jpg|thumb|Click click click. It's like I'm playing real guitar!]]<br />
<br />
[[Image:295.jpg|thumb|The [only] other musical instrument Chris is good at.]]<br />
<br />
{{quote|I would play my ax on the Wii; getting the high scores, scored better, real play for my benefit. | [[Blanca]], acting as a proxy for Chris to espouse his flawed beliefs on music}}<br />
<br />
Chris seems to have a very tenuous grasp on what constitutes a musical instrument. Notably, in several videos, Chris tends to treat his [[Gitar of Fail]] like it's a real instrument. This seems outright foolish, even for Chris, until you consider his mindset. All of Chris's [[Sonichu|"creations"]] are copies of other things, yet are still [[Chris and Copyright|somehow completely original.]] So by "playing" someone else's song on ''Guitar Hero'', his [[autistic]] mindset dictates that he is actually playing the song. Go ahead and try to wrap your head around this doublethink.<br />
<br />
As further proof of his madness, Chris equated Liquid's actual musical skill to him playing ''Guitar Hero'', to such a degree that he felt it necessary to outlaw both in the [[SingStar Challenge]].<br />
<br />
{{quote|I got the idea of the challenge from him COPYING me playing Boston's "More Than A Feeling" on Guitar Hero on his old Wooden Nickel; if he wants to copy on Guitar, he may as well be challenged in a Sing-Off.|Chris, [[Katie Bay E-mails 3|blowing the minds of guitarists of all talent levels]]}}<br />
<br />
{{quote|-NO MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS, real or Guitar Hero/Rock Band/Rock Revolution, etc is to be visible in ANY VIDEO.| Chris, inspiring the hatred of people who like music everywhere}}<br />
<br />
It is also telling that not only does Chris lack any sense of pitch in singing, but with melodies in general. This is evidenced in the [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_1|Wedding Anniversary Special]], where he claims to be playing the original theme to [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], but ends up with some wildly unrecognizable tune that only vaguely resembles the Sonic theme rhythmically. This proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Chris is actually tone-deaf, instead of simply lacking in vocal skills. This may be a symptom of [[autism]], as subtleties in tone and intonation indicating emotional and social cues are beyond his grasp.<br />
<br />
==Recording tech==<br />
Chris's idea of accompaniment is putting the original song playing on the background using his [[PS3]] and the near-$1,000 [[Sony]] LCD HDTV, and the most expensive speakers his [[monthly tugboat|boat]] could tug in, while he sings with his unique voice. The singing, of course, is dutifully recorded with the long-suffering [[PSEye]] camera. The implications are staggering:<br />
<br />
* There's always a huge quality loss when music is played on speaker and then re-recorded from a distance, because the acoustics of the room distort the sound and the air itself blocks low and high frequencies, leaving you with only a distorted fraction of the original sound. Chris, of course, believes that everything he does is perfect on the first try and never has to be redone, just like his art.<br />
<br />
* The original lyrics are still on the song. At least on one occasion, Chris even screwed up harder than this, and got a cover of "Never Gonna Give You Up" from ''Family Guy'', clobbered by dialogue and other sounds.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008]]</ref> While lyrics often can't always be removed from a mixed song entirely, it's at least worth a shot trying lyrics removal software. Or, it might pay to look for an instrumental version or an instrumental cover. (For example, [[wikipedia:Ed Starink|Ed Starink]] made a crapton of decent-to-awesome synthesizer covers of pop songs. ''Yes, even "Never Gonna Give You Up." I'm not kidding, he really did.'')<br />
<br />
* When you have one go and one microphone to record everything, there's no way to correct the errors if you flub anything. The result is obviously perfect…who are we kidding.<br />
<br />
Chris is, of course, unaware of the incredible leaps and bounds that music recording has advanced in recent years, and hasn't noticed that there are plenty of good multitrack sound editors available for free. Many come with lyrics removal plugins.<br />
<br />
Chris also demands this sort of weird screwy setup from ''others''; one might assume, for example, that the Brown-Striped One, with actual musical talent, would have more technical know-how on how to record music properly, but the SingStar Challenge was done on Chris's strange terms.<br />
<br />
==Sauces==<br />
<references/><br />
<br />
==See also==<br />
*[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (band)]]<br />
*[[Gitar of Fail]]<br />
*''[[Guitar Hero]]''<br />
*[[List of Chris's Rhapsody.com downloads]]<br />
<br />
==External links==<br />
* [http://www.mediafire.com/?j3wnmyzctwn A list of Chris's MyCokeRewards Rhapsody purchases] (Note that those within "index[[Clyde Cash|GREGG]]bought.html" were, obviously, purchased by trolls who had hijacked the account.)<br />
<br />
{{Chris and}}<br />
<br />
[[Category:Chris-chan]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Talk:Things_Chris_has_ripped_off&diff=125283Talk:Things Chris has ripped off2010-11-17T08:26:51Z<p>Kyweaver: /* Star Trek */</p>
<hr />
<div>Fixed where it said that the Perfect Chaos Monster attacked CWCville, it actually attacked Station Square. Seems like this page could stand some heavy revision, honestly. I think the section about Yuu Yuu Hakusho can be outright removed, as that whole motion is pretty common in general and it's possible Chris actually didn't still it from there. Additionally, we should probably just remove the comics section and put Spider-man in the western animation section, unless of course we can find more stuff that he's ripped from comics, in which case that can be expanded. The Ralph Wiggums note should either be removed or added to Western Animation if you guys actually think it's important enough. The videogames section should be removed until we can actually put something into it. Could we maybe find some more stuff that he's ripped off of movies? I think the Spaceballs thing should stay, but it seems stupid to have the movies section solely for it. So, does any one else have an opinion on this? I just didn't want to go off and make such major changes by myself and piss people off. --[[User:That Man|That Man]] 06:53, 24 November 2009 (CET)<br />
:*I think I owe y'all an explanation. When I first stalked upon this page it was even (imo, of course) less coherent than it is now. I created a new structure for it, reorganised the already existing entries and added a few new ones that I could remember. Right now it's unfinished, which I tried to show by putting a huge ass number of "Incomplete" templates on the page. I'm currently working on getting most ripoff and reference examples to fill this article, and also to create a neat template, as well. I think I'll finish it before the weekend, if not earlier. Now, about the sections: the Comic book section will include Superman and Spider-man, the Movies and TV shows section will include Gilligan's Island, I Love Lucy, and some more, the VG section will include Mario, Zelda, and some more. Ralph Wiggum - I personally think it's an unneeded joke (well, Chris's plagiarism is already a joke on itself), but didn't dare to remove it, as it was added before my time. So well... I see how the current state of the article is utterly confusing. I think I'll upload a less rough version later today. Oh, and sorry for the tl;dr reply --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 09:39, 24 November 2009 (CET)<br />
::*Goku, you did the new stuff? You've got a real GOKU GET EM ATTITUDE, lololol. Srsly, I like this new revision, the old one kinda sucked. Keep it up guys, throw in some pictures and it can be a featured article. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 10:00, 24 November 2009 (CET)<br />
:::*Thanks, Champthom, but I think in this case "Goku Get'em attitude" translates as "No life whatsoever" lol. I have to read through all the Sonichu comics to get all the refs! Poor me :( Anyway, thanks for your appreciation! As for pictures, I was planning to add 1 for each subsection (= franchise).<br />
<br />
::::By the way, for somecummpenntydifferent: Are there any template... er... templates that are able to include a small pic along with the text part? You know, like they have on ED? E.g., so that the template on "Places" could contain the same text part ''plus'' a small pic of Chris's house, or something. I think, that would help make our templates more different and fun to look at. --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 10:08, 24 November 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
==New structure discussion==<br />
:Oh and, by the way.<br />
:For the final revision, I want to change this structure yet again.<br />
:Here how I envision it:<br />
<br />
==Franchise type==<br />
===A Franchise That Has A Separate Article===<br />
''See [[Sailor Moon|main article]].''<br />
===A Franchise That Doesn't Have A Separate Article===<br />
Laconic description of the franchise.<br />
* Example example example.<br />
* Example example example.<br />
<br />
:Also, I want to include a section for a list of "not so much ripoffs, but references and cameos and such" at the end of the page.<br />
<br />
:Discuss :) --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 10:14, 24 November 2009 (CET)<br />
:*I think with a franchise type with a separate article, you should briefly describe its relevancy to how Chris has ripped it off for those who don't feel like reading the entire article, with the "See main article" being a thing if people want to read about it more. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 10:20, 24 November 2009 (CET)<br />
::*I see. I was actually planning to insert "Plagiarism" sections in all those separate articles, so the "main page" link would be like "[ [Sailor Moon#Plagiarism|main page] ]". But if you think it's better to keep it all on this page, I'll just put all info concerning plagiarism on this page, and on the separate pages I'll post links to here instead. But wouldn't this page get too lengthy? --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 10:24, 24 November 2009 (CET)<br />
:::*It doesn't hurt to briefly describe here how Chris has ripped them off, maybe make references on their appropriate pages as well. Maybe in the case of Sailor Moon, you could discuss in this article the general things Chris rips off and then list the specific instances in the Sailor Moon article's plagiarism section. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 10:42, 24 November 2009 (CET)<br />
::::*Okay, I see. Well... I think I'll try to do it, and then we'll discuss the results --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 10:48, 24 November 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
==A preview of what the page will look like when finished==<br />
DISCLAIMER:<br />
# All the incomplete sections will be completed, new sections will be added etc.<br />
# The "List of references etc." at the end of the article is my experiment. I think some shit like having a portrait of Batman in the Mayor's office or having Sackboy appear with an advert, can't be actually called "ripping off", can it? Or do you think it's still ripping off? I'm still confused about that, but I still think minor reference stuff like that should be preserved nevertheless. First, it's a sign of Chris's utter uncreativity. And second, even when not ripped off, it's still grating for fans of those franchises to see their favorite heroes bastardised by being referenced in "Sonichu".<br />
# Most of the text on the page atm is not mine, it's what was here before I started editing the page. For an example of my additions, see "Darkwing Duck" or the "List of references etc."<br />
# Things like [[Sonichu 0#Episode 1|S0 Ep1 p.1]] are another of my experiments. I think, it's a pretty easy to use and laconic way of informing where in the comics does stuff (like characters, quotes, references etc) appear. I think it helps people search stuff by themselves to see it with their own eyes, which is always good. I think that it can be even used elsewhere on this wiki, too, maybe. Let me know if you like it or not.<br />
# Yes, I think all important and/or interesting stuff should be referenced up to the page number. Yes, I'm a [[pedofork|pedant]].<br />
# I've started adding examples of things ripped off by Chris, but not necessarily in the comics. Like, when he recites a joke stolen from some show as "his" [[random-access humor]].<br />
# I'll finish the revamp, I guess, somewhere before this weekend, if not earlier.<br />
Now, let's discuss :) All suggestions and critique are welcome.<br />
P.S.: By the way, don't you think the page may be too lengthy? If so, what can be done to avoid that? --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 22:14, 24 November 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
:*Glad I didn't go ahead and mess with it too much, it's shaping up pretty good. It'll look a lot better once we can fill in most of the empty sections. I'll try and fill in all of the ones I know of as soon as I find the time. --[[User:That Man|That Man]] 21:44, 25 November 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
:*I'm liking the page very much. I'm wondering if the introduction should include a mention of the revelation from [[Mailbag 4]] where Chris confirms he has no idea what creativity is when he says that it includes borrowing from a TV show or a movie. [[User:Alteceastlansing|Alteceastlansing]] 08:01, 28 November 2009 (CET)<br />
::*Thanks! I think I'll maybe tweak the introduction a bit when the page will be nearing finish. Of course, I'll try to include any quotes or mentions which may be relevant to the subject, including your suggestion – thanks for it! --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 11:56, 28 November 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
==Chuck Palahniuk==<br />
<br />
Removed the (sic) notation next to director and added the note back (worded a bit more subtly). 'Sic' is really only used to show spelling errors or archaic spelling of a word, not to denote factual errors, and explaining why Chris fails here is probably a good idea for people unfamiliar with Fight Club or Chuck Palahniuk. [[User:SirCucumber|SirCucumber]] 01:25, 26 November 2009 (CET)<br />
*Okay, first of all, thanks for correcting me on (sic), and getting my attention to the fact that people may need some info about the subjects discussed. You're right on both of these; I've taken steps to fix them. I've moved (sic) to a more appropriate place; as for information, I put Wikipedia links so people could just click and get any info themselves. As for your phrase – well, I tried to rephrase it a bit, to make it less obvious; sorry, but I feel it sounded a bit like, you know, explaining the joke. But maybe I'm wrong, I dunno – I would like some feedback about this. Also, added another possible example of "Fight Club"'s influence. --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 11:56, 28 November 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
==Postponed a bit==<br />
Okay... Well, I promised to have the page done by the weekend. But due to some RL events, it has to be postponed a little. Bear with me, guys, ok? --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 02:43, 29 November 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
==Under Construction==<br />
Someone should make a template for that instead of having the awkward text at the top. Srsly. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:52, 30 November 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
== List of things Chris has ripped off ==<br />
<br />
Should this be called a list? There's nothing wrong with having this just be "Things Chris has ripped off" but this is sorta a list, so why not call it as such? "Things Chris has ripped off" would be a good category, if it already doesn't exist (I think there's a similar category already but Things Chris has ripped off has a better ring to it). --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 15:05, 3 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
*I guess it's called that because Wikipedia typically has these articles called "List of <this and that>". I think it's fine this way, because it implies that there's a lot of things chris has ripped off, which is true. --[[User:Wtv|Wtv]] 15:40, 3 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
==Small notes==<br />
<br />
Just to add to some of the edits, I'm brand new here, so just thought I'd say, I'm pretty sure he may have gotten the Bugs Bunny and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 joke from Angry Video Game Nerd's review of the movie, and emphasis on the joke. I also think that his Monty Python hedgehog gag was more because it was featured in Yu-Gi-Oh the abridged series episode 30. --[[User:WhiteKnightNoMore|Dr. Zoidberg]]<br />
<br />
==New Edits==<br />
<br />
I am new to this wiki editing and wondered if someone could critque how i did and let me know how i could improve my wiki skills. I added the section under video games for Brutal Legend, as Chris added alot of stuff from that game after it came out and he did his "review" of the game. Thanks in advance. --[[User:CaptainBilly|CaptainBilly]]<br />
<br />
== To do ==<br />
<br />
The big thing is mostly to complete unfinished sections. Nothing wrong with adding new stuff, but right now there's a shitton of incomplete sections and it's really annoying. Finish those up and then start to add new things that are relevant. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:10, 8 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Where 'Flame the Sunbird needs pants' comes from? ==<br />
<br />
Maybe Chris got that from the Pokemon movie with the talking Slowking. Where in a part of the movie the Slowking says he really needs some pants. Oddly enough, since in the comic it was on an island, the Pokemon movie was based on the islands Ash traveled through to get the stones. Anyone agree? [[User:Noka|Noka]] 20:35, 9 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
*Probably, but please, sign your comments (it's four ~ in a row). --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:03, 9 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
*It's already mentioned in [[Flame the Sunbird]]'s page that the pants phrase came from there, since it's highly unlikely he got it from the other pants rant involving Brainiac and the Legion of Doom.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 21:05, 9 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Kel's backstory ==<br />
Is a direct rip off of Ash from Pokémon, specially the part in which she is given an electric Pokémon as a starter.--[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 05:37, 19 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
*Fixed your typos. Sorry, I'm a Grammar Nazi like that.--[[User:SniperFire16|SniperFire16]] 20:14, 17 April 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Independence Day Speech ==<br />
<br />
*We can also add the Independence Day Speech, Chris ripped that off from that movie. I know, I've seen the film when I was 12, and i have the VHS tape. Maybe Chris saw it on TNT recently...--[[User:UJ1A1985|UJ1A1985]] 06:07, 24 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
**According to the Ninth Alec call, Chris had no idea it was from Independence day and that his friend, the mysterious birthday guest, wrote the speech.[[User:Double Nega|Double Nega]] 22:30, 26 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
***Yes, of course, it's somebody else. Since he's a paragon of TRUTH and HONESTY, we will believe this. After all, he barely saw only once before... [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 22:56, 28 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
***Ironically, Independence Day stole elements of the speech from Dylan Thomas. But at least they stole in a less blatant way. [[User:Manwithoutabody|manwithoutabody]] 20:50, 31 March 2010 (CEST)<br />
<br />
== Samurai Pizza Cats is an Japanese anime. ==<br />
<br />
The show originated in Japan in 1990 under a different name, so it should be in the Japanese Animation section of things Chris Chan has ripped off. [[User:Super Smash Bros. Fan|Super Smash Bros. Fan]] 18:40, 28 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Added another Digimon example ==<br />
<br />
You remember how Ultra Sonichu used Chaotic Remedy to "cure" the Asperchu characters of their ailments? I believe that it's directly lifted from a move of Magna Angemon's named Magna Antidote in the English dub of Adventure. If you don't count it as a TRUE and HONEST example, go ahead and delete it. --[[User:SniperFire16|SniperFire16]] 20:12, 17 April 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Ultra Sonichu is a rip off of a rip off. ==<br />
<br />
Ultra Sonichu is clearly a rip off of Super Sonic, which was clearly a rip off of Super Saiyins from DBZ. - Odrahcir<br />
<br />
== Sonichu comics ==<br />
<br />
This page has made me think of something. Maybe we could add to the pages of the sonichu comics the things chris has ripped of or simply copied from other media in the way that in wikipedia, south park, the simpsons, and family guy episodes have a section for popular culture references.[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 22:43, 9 May 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Ric Flair ==<br />
<br />
Okay, I myself have noticed something, in true Ric Flair fashion he always quoted himself saying "I'm a limousine ridin', jet flyin', kiss stealin', '''wheelin' dealin'''' son of a gun. WOOOO!!"<br />
<br />
and I was wondering if Chris ripping off.. or trying to rip off Ric Flair in #8 Rage against the garbage would warrant a section to Things Chris has ripped off. The reference is the one that is bold in the quote in question. [[User:Sinisterminister|Sinisterminister]] 03:52, 19 June 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
*I highly doubt chris watches pro wrestleing with its "gosh darn ugly pecks"<br />
<br />
== Star Trek ==<br />
<br />
He constantly uses the term "stardate" so why is Star Trek not mentioned? [[Kyweaver]] 02:24 17 November, 2010 (CET)</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Talk:Things_Chris_has_ripped_off&diff=125282Talk:Things Chris has ripped off2010-11-17T08:26:05Z<p>Kyweaver: /* Star Trek */ new section</p>
<hr />
<div>Fixed where it said that the Perfect Chaos Monster attacked CWCville, it actually attacked Station Square. Seems like this page could stand some heavy revision, honestly. I think the section about Yuu Yuu Hakusho can be outright removed, as that whole motion is pretty common in general and it's possible Chris actually didn't still it from there. Additionally, we should probably just remove the comics section and put Spider-man in the western animation section, unless of course we can find more stuff that he's ripped from comics, in which case that can be expanded. The Ralph Wiggums note should either be removed or added to Western Animation if you guys actually think it's important enough. The videogames section should be removed until we can actually put something into it. Could we maybe find some more stuff that he's ripped off of movies? I think the Spaceballs thing should stay, but it seems stupid to have the movies section solely for it. So, does any one else have an opinion on this? I just didn't want to go off and make such major changes by myself and piss people off. --[[User:That Man|That Man]] 06:53, 24 November 2009 (CET)<br />
:*I think I owe y'all an explanation. When I first stalked upon this page it was even (imo, of course) less coherent than it is now. I created a new structure for it, reorganised the already existing entries and added a few new ones that I could remember. Right now it's unfinished, which I tried to show by putting a huge ass number of "Incomplete" templates on the page. I'm currently working on getting most ripoff and reference examples to fill this article, and also to create a neat template, as well. I think I'll finish it before the weekend, if not earlier. Now, about the sections: the Comic book section will include Superman and Spider-man, the Movies and TV shows section will include Gilligan's Island, I Love Lucy, and some more, the VG section will include Mario, Zelda, and some more. Ralph Wiggum - I personally think it's an unneeded joke (well, Chris's plagiarism is already a joke on itself), but didn't dare to remove it, as it was added before my time. So well... I see how the current state of the article is utterly confusing. I think I'll upload a less rough version later today. Oh, and sorry for the tl;dr reply --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 09:39, 24 November 2009 (CET)<br />
::*Goku, you did the new stuff? You've got a real GOKU GET EM ATTITUDE, lololol. Srsly, I like this new revision, the old one kinda sucked. Keep it up guys, throw in some pictures and it can be a featured article. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 10:00, 24 November 2009 (CET)<br />
:::*Thanks, Champthom, but I think in this case "Goku Get'em attitude" translates as "No life whatsoever" lol. I have to read through all the Sonichu comics to get all the refs! Poor me :( Anyway, thanks for your appreciation! As for pictures, I was planning to add 1 for each subsection (= franchise).<br />
<br />
::::By the way, for somecummpenntydifferent: Are there any template... er... templates that are able to include a small pic along with the text part? You know, like they have on ED? E.g., so that the template on "Places" could contain the same text part ''plus'' a small pic of Chris's house, or something. I think, that would help make our templates more different and fun to look at. --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 10:08, 24 November 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
==New structure discussion==<br />
:Oh and, by the way.<br />
:For the final revision, I want to change this structure yet again.<br />
:Here how I envision it:<br />
<br />
==Franchise type==<br />
===A Franchise That Has A Separate Article===<br />
''See [[Sailor Moon|main article]].''<br />
===A Franchise That Doesn't Have A Separate Article===<br />
Laconic description of the franchise.<br />
* Example example example.<br />
* Example example example.<br />
<br />
:Also, I want to include a section for a list of "not so much ripoffs, but references and cameos and such" at the end of the page.<br />
<br />
:Discuss :) --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 10:14, 24 November 2009 (CET)<br />
:*I think with a franchise type with a separate article, you should briefly describe its relevancy to how Chris has ripped it off for those who don't feel like reading the entire article, with the "See main article" being a thing if people want to read about it more. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 10:20, 24 November 2009 (CET)<br />
::*I see. I was actually planning to insert "Plagiarism" sections in all those separate articles, so the "main page" link would be like "[ [Sailor Moon#Plagiarism|main page] ]". But if you think it's better to keep it all on this page, I'll just put all info concerning plagiarism on this page, and on the separate pages I'll post links to here instead. But wouldn't this page get too lengthy? --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 10:24, 24 November 2009 (CET)<br />
:::*It doesn't hurt to briefly describe here how Chris has ripped them off, maybe make references on their appropriate pages as well. Maybe in the case of Sailor Moon, you could discuss in this article the general things Chris rips off and then list the specific instances in the Sailor Moon article's plagiarism section. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 10:42, 24 November 2009 (CET)<br />
::::*Okay, I see. Well... I think I'll try to do it, and then we'll discuss the results --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 10:48, 24 November 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
==A preview of what the page will look like when finished==<br />
DISCLAIMER:<br />
# All the incomplete sections will be completed, new sections will be added etc.<br />
# The "List of references etc." at the end of the article is my experiment. I think some shit like having a portrait of Batman in the Mayor's office or having Sackboy appear with an advert, can't be actually called "ripping off", can it? Or do you think it's still ripping off? I'm still confused about that, but I still think minor reference stuff like that should be preserved nevertheless. First, it's a sign of Chris's utter uncreativity. And second, even when not ripped off, it's still grating for fans of those franchises to see their favorite heroes bastardised by being referenced in "Sonichu".<br />
# Most of the text on the page atm is not mine, it's what was here before I started editing the page. For an example of my additions, see "Darkwing Duck" or the "List of references etc."<br />
# Things like [[Sonichu 0#Episode 1|S0 Ep1 p.1]] are another of my experiments. I think, it's a pretty easy to use and laconic way of informing where in the comics does stuff (like characters, quotes, references etc) appear. I think it helps people search stuff by themselves to see it with their own eyes, which is always good. I think that it can be even used elsewhere on this wiki, too, maybe. Let me know if you like it or not.<br />
# Yes, I think all important and/or interesting stuff should be referenced up to the page number. Yes, I'm a [[pedofork|pedant]].<br />
# I've started adding examples of things ripped off by Chris, but not necessarily in the comics. Like, when he recites a joke stolen from some show as "his" [[random-access humor]].<br />
# I'll finish the revamp, I guess, somewhere before this weekend, if not earlier.<br />
Now, let's discuss :) All suggestions and critique are welcome.<br />
P.S.: By the way, don't you think the page may be too lengthy? If so, what can be done to avoid that? --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 22:14, 24 November 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
:*Glad I didn't go ahead and mess with it too much, it's shaping up pretty good. It'll look a lot better once we can fill in most of the empty sections. I'll try and fill in all of the ones I know of as soon as I find the time. --[[User:That Man|That Man]] 21:44, 25 November 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
:*I'm liking the page very much. I'm wondering if the introduction should include a mention of the revelation from [[Mailbag 4]] where Chris confirms he has no idea what creativity is when he says that it includes borrowing from a TV show or a movie. [[User:Alteceastlansing|Alteceastlansing]] 08:01, 28 November 2009 (CET)<br />
::*Thanks! I think I'll maybe tweak the introduction a bit when the page will be nearing finish. Of course, I'll try to include any quotes or mentions which may be relevant to the subject, including your suggestion – thanks for it! --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 11:56, 28 November 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
==Chuck Palahniuk==<br />
<br />
Removed the (sic) notation next to director and added the note back (worded a bit more subtly). 'Sic' is really only used to show spelling errors or archaic spelling of a word, not to denote factual errors, and explaining why Chris fails here is probably a good idea for people unfamiliar with Fight Club or Chuck Palahniuk. [[User:SirCucumber|SirCucumber]] 01:25, 26 November 2009 (CET)<br />
*Okay, first of all, thanks for correcting me on (sic), and getting my attention to the fact that people may need some info about the subjects discussed. You're right on both of these; I've taken steps to fix them. I've moved (sic) to a more appropriate place; as for information, I put Wikipedia links so people could just click and get any info themselves. As for your phrase – well, I tried to rephrase it a bit, to make it less obvious; sorry, but I feel it sounded a bit like, you know, explaining the joke. But maybe I'm wrong, I dunno – I would like some feedback about this. Also, added another possible example of "Fight Club"'s influence. --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 11:56, 28 November 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
==Postponed a bit==<br />
Okay... Well, I promised to have the page done by the weekend. But due to some RL events, it has to be postponed a little. Bear with me, guys, ok? --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 02:43, 29 November 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
==Under Construction==<br />
Someone should make a template for that instead of having the awkward text at the top. Srsly. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:52, 30 November 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
== List of things Chris has ripped off ==<br />
<br />
Should this be called a list? There's nothing wrong with having this just be "Things Chris has ripped off" but this is sorta a list, so why not call it as such? "Things Chris has ripped off" would be a good category, if it already doesn't exist (I think there's a similar category already but Things Chris has ripped off has a better ring to it). --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 15:05, 3 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
*I guess it's called that because Wikipedia typically has these articles called "List of <this and that>". I think it's fine this way, because it implies that there's a lot of things chris has ripped off, which is true. --[[User:Wtv|Wtv]] 15:40, 3 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
==Small notes==<br />
<br />
Just to add to some of the edits, I'm brand new here, so just thought I'd say, I'm pretty sure he may have gotten the Bugs Bunny and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 joke from Angry Video Game Nerd's review of the movie, and emphasis on the joke. I also think that his Monty Python hedgehog gag was more because it was featured in Yu-Gi-Oh the abridged series episode 30. --[[User:WhiteKnightNoMore|Dr. Zoidberg]]<br />
<br />
==New Edits==<br />
<br />
I am new to this wiki editing and wondered if someone could critque how i did and let me know how i could improve my wiki skills. I added the section under video games for Brutal Legend, as Chris added alot of stuff from that game after it came out and he did his "review" of the game. Thanks in advance. --[[User:CaptainBilly|CaptainBilly]]<br />
<br />
== To do ==<br />
<br />
The big thing is mostly to complete unfinished sections. Nothing wrong with adding new stuff, but right now there's a shitton of incomplete sections and it's really annoying. Finish those up and then start to add new things that are relevant. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:10, 8 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Where 'Flame the Sunbird needs pants' comes from? ==<br />
<br />
Maybe Chris got that from the Pokemon movie with the talking Slowking. Where in a part of the movie the Slowking says he really needs some pants. Oddly enough, since in the comic it was on an island, the Pokemon movie was based on the islands Ash traveled through to get the stones. Anyone agree? [[User:Noka|Noka]] 20:35, 9 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
*Probably, but please, sign your comments (it's four ~ in a row). --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:03, 9 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
*It's already mentioned in [[Flame the Sunbird]]'s page that the pants phrase came from there, since it's highly unlikely he got it from the other pants rant involving Brainiac and the Legion of Doom.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 21:05, 9 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Kel's backstory ==<br />
Is a direct rip off of Ash from Pokémon, specially the part in which she is given an electric Pokémon as a starter.--[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 05:37, 19 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
*Fixed your typos. Sorry, I'm a Grammar Nazi like that.--[[User:SniperFire16|SniperFire16]] 20:14, 17 April 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Independence Day Speech ==<br />
<br />
*We can also add the Independence Day Speech, Chris ripped that off from that movie. I know, I've seen the film when I was 12, and i have the VHS tape. Maybe Chris saw it on TNT recently...--[[User:UJ1A1985|UJ1A1985]] 06:07, 24 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
**According to the Ninth Alec call, Chris had no idea it was from Independence day and that his friend, the mysterious birthday guest, wrote the speech.[[User:Double Nega|Double Nega]] 22:30, 26 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
***Yes, of course, it's somebody else. Since he's a paragon of TRUTH and HONESTY, we will believe this. After all, he barely saw only once before... [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 22:56, 28 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
***Ironically, Independence Day stole elements of the speech from Dylan Thomas. But at least they stole in a less blatant way. [[User:Manwithoutabody|manwithoutabody]] 20:50, 31 March 2010 (CEST)<br />
<br />
== Samurai Pizza Cats is an Japanese anime. ==<br />
<br />
The show originated in Japan in 1990 under a different name, so it should be in the Japanese Animation section of things Chris Chan has ripped off. [[User:Super Smash Bros. Fan|Super Smash Bros. Fan]] 18:40, 28 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Added another Digimon example ==<br />
<br />
You remember how Ultra Sonichu used Chaotic Remedy to "cure" the Asperchu characters of their ailments? I believe that it's directly lifted from a move of Magna Angemon's named Magna Antidote in the English dub of Adventure. If you don't count it as a TRUE and HONEST example, go ahead and delete it. --[[User:SniperFire16|SniperFire16]] 20:12, 17 April 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Ultra Sonichu is a rip off of a rip off. ==<br />
<br />
Ultra Sonichu is clearly a rip off of Super Sonic, which was clearly a rip off of Super Saiyins from DBZ. - Odrahcir<br />
<br />
== Sonichu comics ==<br />
<br />
This page has made me think of something. Maybe we could add to the pages of the sonichu comics the things chris has ripped of or simply copied from other media in the way that in wikipedia, south park, the simpsons, and family guy episodes have a section for popular culture references.[[User:J0haely|J0haely]] 22:43, 9 May 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
== Ric Flair ==<br />
<br />
Okay, I myself have noticed something, in true Ric Flair fashion he always quoted himself saying "I'm a limousine ridin', jet flyin', kiss stealin', '''wheelin' dealin'''' son of a gun. WOOOO!!"<br />
<br />
and I was wondering if Chris ripping off.. or trying to rip off Ric Flair in #8 Rage against the garbage would warrant a section to Things Chris has ripped off. The reference is the one that is bold in the quote in question. [[User:Sinisterminister|Sinisterminister]] 03:52, 19 June 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
*I highly doubt chris watches pro wrestleing with its "gosh darn ugly pecks"<br />
<br />
== Star Trek ==<br />
<br />
He constantly uses the term "stardate" so why is Star Trek not mentioned? [[Kyweaver]] 2:24 11 17, 2010</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=NO_D***_WAY,_IMPOSTOR!!!&diff=125258NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!2010-11-17T03:50:05Z<p>Kyweaver: </p>
<hr />
<div>{{quote|SONICHU AND ROSECHU ARE MINE ALONE.}}<br />
<br />
'''NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!''' is a video uploaded 14 [[August 2009]]. This is Ian's response to [[Liquid Chris]]'s finale. The video contains the first appearance of Ian's sign to save [[McIntire Park]], which appears later in a video recorded from [[Charlottesville]] public access television. It should also be noted that Chris fails to give any sort of credit to the taxpayers of America for any of that $5,000+ he has spent on Nintendo products.<br />
<br />
==Video==<br />
<br />
{{Tardrage}}<br />
<br />
{{Infobox/video<br />
| name = NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR<nowiki>!!!</nowiki><br />
| image = {{#ev:youtube|MqNhOEBVxtk}}<br />
| imagewidth = 250<br />
| Stardate = 14 August 2009<br />
| Maker = [[Ian Brandon Anderson]]<br />
| Performance Style = {{Rage|text}}<br />
| Saga = {{Liquid}} [[Liquid]]<br />
| Shirt = {{RedBlackTrim}} Red with Black Trim<br />
| previous = [[CWC Public Disclaimer]]<br />
| next = [[The Contest NEVER was to Determine Who was Who]]<br />
}}<br />
<br />
===Transcript===<br />
[[Image:Sonichu_Rosechu_Save_McIntire_by_Cwcipedia.jpg|thumb|Save it to the extreme, you two!]]<br />
Oh no you don't Chris! You're not getting away that easy! You do all that, [[Chris and the Law|I will SUE your sorry ass]]. And I wanna tell [[Shigeru Miyamoto|Nintendo]] in Redmond right away to stop you, because they know as well as I do. I sent them a letter previously months and months ago for the origi-for the original printout of the [[Sonichu 0|Number Zero book]]. They know! They have the records. ''They know''. I have been a customer of them FOR YEARS! They have had my money a bunch of times! Long before I made up with Sony and gave them [[monthly tugboat|over two th...]] Hah... [''Does an incredibly gay hand gesture; then makes an odd squealing sound''] Nintendo has like five TH- over five thousand dollars worth between me and my parents but anyway. I'm st... Anyway, you are not-you will not succeed. [''Points finger at camera''] You are the IMPOSTOR!<br />
<br />
[''backs away from the camera''] YOU ARE THE IMPOSTOR! STOP - THAT - BROWN - STRIPED - IN - THE... SHIRT... [''nods head''] WITH THE PAPER MEDALLION! STOP THAT IMPOSTOR [''Shows a drawn cardboard, the Sonichu [[McIntire Park]] sign''] [[Sonichu|SONICHU]] AND [[Rosechu|ROSECHU]] ARE MINE ''ALONE''. I AM THE Christian Weston Chandler, [''begins to speed his speech''] born with the birth name of [[Christopher's name change|Christopher]] on February 24th [[1982]], I'm the one [[Bob Chandler|Robert Franklin Chandler Jr]] as my father and [[Barbara Anne Weston Chandler]] as my mother, [[14 Branchland Court]] [[Ruckersville]], Virginia 22968 434 990 0198 STOP THAT IMPOSTOR BASTARD WHO HAS BEEN POSING WITH MY NAME, MY ADDRESS, MY PHONE NUMBER, ''EVERYTHING! STOP HIM!'' HE DESERVES ''NOTHING!''<br />
<br />
{{RageQuote|DUUUUUHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIEEEEE YOU}}<br />
<br />
[jump cut]<br />
<br />
[''reappears without glasses'']Especially after I disclaimer video I made where I told them by not to buy anything from you, I warn Nintendo, and [[HEXBox|Microsoft]], and Sony, do not buy anything from him either, HE'S the impostor, I'M the real deal, LOOK AT THE HISTORY ON [[ED]] AND EVERYWHERE ELSE. You will rot in jail, mister... ssss... you will rot in jail, Nintendo has known me for years, slala... so much longer, practically my whole lifetime. They know me. And they know you to be the impostor. You go into Nintendo's doors, they ''will'' kick your ass out. Nintendo, Microsoft, Sony, STOP HIM! PUT HIM IN JAIL! CALL THE [[jerkops|POLICE]] ON HIM! Anybody else, in my [[True and Loyal Fanbase|true loyal fanbase]], do the same thing, please help me, put him in jail when you see his sorry face. And you know what? Let's top this off. Right now. No ''Shin'', we're going for the original. Just for that impostor that has worn the brown stripes all this time. Hmmm... Curse-ye-ha-me...<br />
<br />
{{RageQuote|''HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!''}}<br />
<br />
[''jump cut'']<br />
<br />
Call the police on him. [[Stress sigh|(Sighs)]] Have a nice day.<br />
<br />
==See also==<br />
*[[Death threats]]<br />
<br />
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC Public Disclaimer]]|nextlink=[[The Contest NEVER was to Determine Who was Who]]|}}<br />
{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}<br />
<br />
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=NO_D***_WAY,_IMPOSTOR!!!&diff=125257NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!2010-11-17T03:49:44Z<p>Kyweaver: </p>
<hr />
<div>{{quote|SONICHU AND ROSECHU ARE MINE ALONE.}}<br />
<br />
'''NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR!!!''' is a video uploaded 14 [[August 2009]]. This is Ian's response to [[Liquid Chris]]'s finale. The video contains the first appearance of Ian's sign to save [[McIntire Park]], which appears later in a video recorded from [[Charlottesville]] public access television. It should also be noted that Chris fails to give any sort of credit to the taxpayers of America for any of that $5,000+ hehas spent on Nintendo products.<br />
<br />
==Video==<br />
<br />
{{Tardrage}}<br />
<br />
{{Infobox/video<br />
| name = NO D*** WAY, IMPOSTOR<nowiki>!!!</nowiki><br />
| image = {{#ev:youtube|MqNhOEBVxtk}}<br />
| imagewidth = 250<br />
| Stardate = 14 August 2009<br />
| Maker = [[Ian Brandon Anderson]]<br />
| Performance Style = {{Rage|text}}<br />
| Saga = {{Liquid}} [[Liquid]]<br />
| Shirt = {{RedBlackTrim}} Red with Black Trim<br />
| previous = [[CWC Public Disclaimer]]<br />
| next = [[The Contest NEVER was to Determine Who was Who]]<br />
}}<br />
<br />
===Transcript===<br />
[[Image:Sonichu_Rosechu_Save_McIntire_by_Cwcipedia.jpg|thumb|Save it to the extreme, you two!]]<br />
Oh no you don't Chris! You're not getting away that easy! You do all that, [[Chris and the Law|I will SUE your sorry ass]]. And I wanna tell [[Shigeru Miyamoto|Nintendo]] in Redmond right away to stop you, because they know as well as I do. I sent them a letter previously months and months ago for the origi-for the original printout of the [[Sonichu 0|Number Zero book]]. They know! They have the records. ''They know''. I have been a customer of them FOR YEARS! They have had my money a bunch of times! Long before I made up with Sony and gave them [[monthly tugboat|over two th...]] Hah... [''Does an incredibly gay hand gesture; then makes an odd squealing sound''] Nintendo has like five TH- over five thousand dollars worth between me and my parents but anyway. I'm st... Anyway, you are not-you will not succeed. [''Points finger at camera''] You are the IMPOSTOR!<br />
<br />
[''backs away from the camera''] YOU ARE THE IMPOSTOR! STOP - THAT - BROWN - STRIPED - IN - THE... SHIRT... [''nods head''] WITH THE PAPER MEDALLION! STOP THAT IMPOSTOR [''Shows a drawn cardboard, the Sonichu [[McIntire Park]] sign''] [[Sonichu|SONICHU]] AND [[Rosechu|ROSECHU]] ARE MINE ''ALONE''. I AM THE Christian Weston Chandler, [''begins to speed his speech''] born with the birth name of [[Christopher's name change|Christopher]] on February 24th [[1982]], I'm the one [[Bob Chandler|Robert Franklin Chandler Jr]] as my father and [[Barbara Anne Weston Chandler]] as my mother, [[14 Branchland Court]] [[Ruckersville]], Virginia 22968 434 990 0198 STOP THAT IMPOSTOR BASTARD WHO HAS BEEN POSING WITH MY NAME, MY ADDRESS, MY PHONE NUMBER, ''EVERYTHING! STOP HIM!'' HE DESERVES ''NOTHING!''<br />
<br />
{{RageQuote|DUUUUUHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIEEEEE YOU}}<br />
<br />
[jump cut]<br />
<br />
[''reappears without glasses'']Especially after I disclaimer video I made where I told them by not to buy anything from you, I warn Nintendo, and [[HEXBox|Microsoft]], and Sony, do not buy anything from him either, HE'S the impostor, I'M the real deal, LOOK AT THE HISTORY ON [[ED]] AND EVERYWHERE ELSE. You will rot in jail, mister... ssss... you will rot in jail, Nintendo has known me for years, slala... so much longer, practically my whole lifetime. They know me. And they know you to be the impostor. You go into Nintendo's doors, they ''will'' kick your ass out. Nintendo, Microsoft, Sony, STOP HIM! PUT HIM IN JAIL! CALL THE [[jerkops|POLICE]] ON HIM! Anybody else, in my [[True and Loyal Fanbase|true loyal fanbase]], do the same thing, please help me, put him in jail when you see his sorry face. And you know what? Let's top this off. Right now. No ''Shin'', we're going for the original. Just for that impostor that has worn the brown stripes all this time. Hmmm... Curse-ye-ha-me...<br />
<br />
{{RageQuote|''HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!''}}<br />
<br />
[''jump cut'']<br />
<br />
Call the police on him. [[Stress sigh|(Sighs)]] Have a nice day.<br />
<br />
==See also==<br />
*[[Death threats]]<br />
<br />
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[CWC Public Disclaimer]]|nextlink=[[The Contest NEVER was to Determine Who was Who]]|}}<br />
{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}<br />
<br />
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Talk:R.L._Stine&diff=125240Talk:R.L. Stine2010-11-17T02:17:13Z<p>Kyweaver: /* Fight Club Reference */</p>
<hr />
<div>When I was 12, I was reading H.P. Lovecraft and Stephen King and J.K. Rowling and Robert A. Heinlein! When I was in high school I was reading hard science fiction novels and experimental literature! As an avid reader (who admittedly could be more avid), his total literary ignorance is the non-lying-rapist-related thing about Chris that makes me most angry. [[User:Ensign disposable|Ensign disposable]] 23:13, 17 November 2009 (CET)<br />
*Which is what inspired this articles creation. Mature people read, Chris doesn't, but when he does he reads like a retard. But I guess we can at least be thankful he isn't plagiarizing The Stand for his shit comics (I love SK as well). I fucking guarantee that if I looked into it, he's ripped off Stine's work as well. Edit:BTW, love the new section. I could even put up that quote about reading all sorts of different genres and books. I guess it pretty much shows that Chris is ripping off Stine's writing style in his books aimed at younger audiences. [[User:Sandworm|Sandworm]] 00:59, 18 November 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
Someone better cite exactly where Chris cites R.L. Stein or else I'm afraid I'll have to delete it. Not that I'm doubting he hasn't, I just forget where he has. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 01:10, 18 November 2009 (CET)<br />
*Certainly. Better?[[User:Sandworm|Sandworm]] 01:23, 18 November 2009 (CET)<br />
**He has mentioned RL Stine but it's hardly notable enough to deserve its own page. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 01:43, 22 November 2009 (CET)<br />
::*I'm inclined to agree with Delabonte, but perhaps someone can clean the page up and it could be worthy. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:48, 22 November 2009 (CET)<br />
::*I think it could be transformed into a more general "Books Chris have read" page... if only Chris read something other than R.L.Stine lol [[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 09:47, 22 November 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
Actually, I remember a reason while the R.L.Stine article could be relevant. Stine's book, "Fear Street", is mentioned in the comics. It's the book Chris read in 1996 when a Sonichu Ball hit him on the head and he <strike>has gone crazy</strike> created Bionic the Hedgehog. The book is mentioned and pictured in the time travel episode several times. [[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 12:07, 22 November 2009 (CET)<br />
*Yeah but that's setting a bad precident to start adding a page for every un-notable anime or video game Chris has ever played. I know "no shit is too minor", but that's only when it comes to Chris. R.L Stine has very little to do with Chris. He sang Planetshakers songs in a video - do they get their own page? --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 13:38, 22 November 2009 (CET)<br />
:*I get your point. But what would you suggest? To delete the page? But then where can we put the info about how Stine's the only author Chris has read, how Stine is mentioned in the Time Travel ep., etc.? We could put it on the [[Things Chris has ripped off]] page... if he ''had'' ripped Stine's books off, of which we know nothing. And starting a "Books Chris read" page, like I said earlier, would be just ridiculous. So, what would you suggest to do with the info? P.S.: And... does being the only author Chris has read, and having been mentioned in the comics in connection with the creation of Bionic, actually qualify as "un-notable"? [[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 14:20, 22 November 2009 (CET)<br />
:*Btw, I can definitely agree that this article doesn't need to be so large; and those huge ass Stine quotes, probably, have to go. [[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 14:24, 22 November 2009 (CET)<br />
*We don't know it's the only author he's read. Books are so unimportant to Chris's life (sadly, this says so much) that you could probably whack a mention of it on the time travel ep and leave it at that. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 14:37, 22 November 2009 (CET)<br />
:*OK, I'll put the comic references to Stine in the "References" section on the revamped [[Things Chris has ripped off]] page (I'm working on this atm). But what to do about the fact that Stine is the only author Chris has confessed of reading? There definitely should be an article section which would mention Chris's lack of reading, and there could be a mention about Stine. But where could that section be inserted? Into which article? [[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 19:29, 22 November 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
==Possible alternative to an R.L. Stine article...==<br />
Chris and Culture, or possibly Chris and Fandom. Examining Chris's limited exposure to art in general, how his entire artistic experience is encapsulated in 90's pop culture, kid's stuff, old sitcoms, video games, and porn. Notable is how he doesn't see how genres logically mesh together (his comic veering from "TV-Y" to "TV-MA" quite abruptly, his threesome pic mashing together rock and roll and Britney Spears, etc.), how he is terminally out of date with slang and music trends, his tendencies toward "popular" music (trying to fit in? no musical taste whatsoever?), etc. Since books are a sadly minimal influence on Chris, we could steamroll R.L. Stine's info into the larger Chris and Fandom article, and possibly a few other minor pages. [[User:EnsignDisposable|EnsignDisposable]] 21:34, 26 November 2009 (CET)<br />
*Imo, "Fandom" is too broad. We have a "Chris and art" article, there are articles on anime, cartoons, videogames etc. I suggest, we just clear R.L.Stine from all unimportant info, and leave it be. --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 21:42, 26 November 2009 (CET)<br />
* I think we should put a section detailing his reading habits in the "Chris and writing" article. That's sort of how the music article is organized. [[User:Skwrr|Skwrr]] 21:24, 16 December 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
== Rewrite ==<br />
<br />
I don't have a super huge problem with this article, now that I think about it, but I think it needs a rewrite as it's mostly fluff. I think it's perfectly acceptable to have a smaller article wherein we discuss who RL Stein is, how he is relevant to Chris (as in a sentence or two about how he's Chris's favorite author) and then mention the times Chris has mentioned him. No need for a long, elaborate article explaining his influence, just a small article that justifies his relevancy to Chris. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:44, 12 May 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
<br />
== Fight Club Reference ==<br />
<br />
How do we know that Clyde is refrencing the book and not simply the film. Granted Chris still probably hasn't seen the film either because he is probably too busy watching my little pony re-runs.<br />
[[User:Kyweaver|Kyweaver]] 20:15, 16 November 2010 (CET)</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Talk:R.L._Stine&diff=125239Talk:R.L. Stine2010-11-17T02:15:53Z<p>Kyweaver: </p>
<hr />
<div>When I was 12, I was reading H.P. Lovecraft and Stephen King and J.K. Rowling and Robert A. Heinlein! When I was in high school I was reading hard science fiction novels and experimental literature! As an avid reader (who admittedly could be more avid), his total literary ignorance is the non-lying-rapist-related thing about Chris that makes me most angry. [[User:Ensign disposable|Ensign disposable]] 23:13, 17 November 2009 (CET)<br />
*Which is what inspired this articles creation. Mature people read, Chris doesn't, but when he does he reads like a retard. But I guess we can at least be thankful he isn't plagiarizing The Stand for his shit comics (I love SK as well). I fucking guarantee that if I looked into it, he's ripped off Stine's work as well. Edit:BTW, love the new section. I could even put up that quote about reading all sorts of different genres and books. I guess it pretty much shows that Chris is ripping off Stine's writing style in his books aimed at younger audiences. [[User:Sandworm|Sandworm]] 00:59, 18 November 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
Someone better cite exactly where Chris cites R.L. Stein or else I'm afraid I'll have to delete it. Not that I'm doubting he hasn't, I just forget where he has. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 01:10, 18 November 2009 (CET)<br />
*Certainly. Better?[[User:Sandworm|Sandworm]] 01:23, 18 November 2009 (CET)<br />
**He has mentioned RL Stine but it's hardly notable enough to deserve its own page. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 01:43, 22 November 2009 (CET)<br />
::*I'm inclined to agree with Delabonte, but perhaps someone can clean the page up and it could be worthy. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:48, 22 November 2009 (CET)<br />
::*I think it could be transformed into a more general "Books Chris have read" page... if only Chris read something other than R.L.Stine lol [[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 09:47, 22 November 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
Actually, I remember a reason while the R.L.Stine article could be relevant. Stine's book, "Fear Street", is mentioned in the comics. It's the book Chris read in 1996 when a Sonichu Ball hit him on the head and he <strike>has gone crazy</strike> created Bionic the Hedgehog. The book is mentioned and pictured in the time travel episode several times. [[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 12:07, 22 November 2009 (CET)<br />
*Yeah but that's setting a bad precident to start adding a page for every un-notable anime or video game Chris has ever played. I know "no shit is too minor", but that's only when it comes to Chris. R.L Stine has very little to do with Chris. He sang Planetshakers songs in a video - do they get their own page? --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 13:38, 22 November 2009 (CET)<br />
:*I get your point. But what would you suggest? To delete the page? But then where can we put the info about how Stine's the only author Chris has read, how Stine is mentioned in the Time Travel ep., etc.? We could put it on the [[Things Chris has ripped off]] page... if he ''had'' ripped Stine's books off, of which we know nothing. And starting a "Books Chris read" page, like I said earlier, would be just ridiculous. So, what would you suggest to do with the info? P.S.: And... does being the only author Chris has read, and having been mentioned in the comics in connection with the creation of Bionic, actually qualify as "un-notable"? [[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 14:20, 22 November 2009 (CET)<br />
:*Btw, I can definitely agree that this article doesn't need to be so large; and those huge ass Stine quotes, probably, have to go. [[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 14:24, 22 November 2009 (CET)<br />
*We don't know it's the only author he's read. Books are so unimportant to Chris's life (sadly, this says so much) that you could probably whack a mention of it on the time travel ep and leave it at that. --[[User:Delabonte|Delabonte]] 14:37, 22 November 2009 (CET)<br />
:*OK, I'll put the comic references to Stine in the "References" section on the revamped [[Things Chris has ripped off]] page (I'm working on this atm). But what to do about the fact that Stine is the only author Chris has confessed of reading? There definitely should be an article section which would mention Chris's lack of reading, and there could be a mention about Stine. But where could that section be inserted? Into which article? [[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 19:29, 22 November 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
==Possible alternative to an R.L. Stine article...==<br />
Chris and Culture, or possibly Chris and Fandom. Examining Chris's limited exposure to art in general, how his entire artistic experience is encapsulated in 90's pop culture, kid's stuff, old sitcoms, video games, and porn. Notable is how he doesn't see how genres logically mesh together (his comic veering from "TV-Y" to "TV-MA" quite abruptly, his threesome pic mashing together rock and roll and Britney Spears, etc.), how he is terminally out of date with slang and music trends, his tendencies toward "popular" music (trying to fit in? no musical taste whatsoever?), etc. Since books are a sadly minimal influence on Chris, we could steamroll R.L. Stine's info into the larger Chris and Fandom article, and possibly a few other minor pages. [[User:EnsignDisposable|EnsignDisposable]] 21:34, 26 November 2009 (CET)<br />
*Imo, "Fandom" is too broad. We have a "Chris and art" article, there are articles on anime, cartoons, videogames etc. I suggest, we just clear R.L.Stine from all unimportant info, and leave it be. --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 21:42, 26 November 2009 (CET)<br />
* I think we should put a section detailing his reading habits in the "Chris and writing" article. That's sort of how the music article is organized. [[User:Skwrr|Skwrr]] 21:24, 16 December 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
== Rewrite ==<br />
<br />
I don't have a super huge problem with this article, now that I think about it, but I think it needs a rewrite as it's mostly fluff. I think it's perfectly acceptable to have a smaller article wherein we discuss who RL Stein is, how he is relevant to Chris (as in a sentence or two about how he's Chris's favorite author) and then mention the times Chris has mentioned him. No need for a long, elaborate article explaining his influence, just a small article that justifies his relevancy to Chris. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:44, 12 May 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
<br />
== Fight Club Reference ==<br />
<br />
How do we know that Clyde is refrencing the book and not simply the film. Granted Chris still probably hasn't seen the film either because he is probably too busy watching my little pony re runs.<br />
[[User:Kyweaver|Kyweaver]] 20:15, 16 November 2010 (CET)</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Vivian_Gee_E-mails,_2007-2008&diff=125151Vivian Gee E-mails, 2007-20082010-11-16T02:20:01Z<p>Kyweaver: </p>
<hr />
<div>This page covers emails exchanged by [[Vivian Gee]] and [[Chris]] between November [[2007]] and October [[2008]].<br />
<br />
The story continues in [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2009]] and [[Vivian Gee E-mails, 2010]].<br />
==E-mails==<br />
===The emails===<br />
<br />
{{Email|Subject: [[Sonichu]] Concept<br><br />
From: [[Vivian Gee]]<br><br />
Sun 11/04/07 1:06 AM<br />
<br />
I am [[Vivian Gee]], originator of the [[Sonichu]] concept. I have noticed that you have a strikingly similar character that I have created. Some people have accused me of stealing your idea and I would like it if you could announce that I have not stolen from you.<br />
<br />
I would really appreciate that.<br />
<br />
~Vivi G}}<br />
<br />
An initial attempt at [[troll]]ing Chris in [[2007]], when she claimed to own Sonichu.<br />
<br />
{{Email|Subject: RE: Please, Don't do this.<br><br />
From: Vivian Gee<br><br />
Tue 11/06/07 7:48 PM<br />
<br />
JESUS, ARE YOU SO HIGH ON YOUR HORSE THAT YOU THINK IT'S FAN ART?!<br />
<br />
JESUS CHRIST MAN, YOU ARE IRRITATING ME. YOU ARE PUTTING ME UNDER MORE DAMN [[stress|STRESS]] THEN YOU'LL EVER HAVE.<br />
<br />
I ALREADY BROKE UP WITH MY BOYFRIEND AND COLLEGE AIN'T HELPIN' SHIT. YOU AND YOUR CLAIMS OF OF YOUR PRECIOUS CHARACTERS THAT MEAN NOTHING TO ANYONE.<br />
<br />
THEY MEAN FUCKING NOTHING TO ANYONE CUZ THEY ARE WORTHLESS TO EVERYONE. YOU THINK YOU HAD A WORSE WEEKEND HUH!? THEN TELL ME YOUR STORY AND I MIGHT FEEL SOME DAMN PITY.<br />
<br />
I WANT TO EXPRESS MY GOD DAMN SELF TO THE [[internet|INTERNET]] AND I FIND THAT SOME PRICK WHO THINKS HE'S SO GREAT, CAN CALL [[homos|HOMOSEXUALS]] WRONG (AND I HAVE TWO LESBIAN FRIENDS WHO WOULD BE OFFENDED AS FUCK BY YOUR IGNORANCE) AND THINKS THAT GOING AROUND STALKING GIRLS WILL GET YOU A GIRLFRIEND.<br />
<br />
NEWS FLASH, BITCH, YOU MEAN NOTHING TO THIS WORLD AND YOU WILL NEVER GET FUCKING LAID UNLESS YOU IMPROVE YOURSELF<br />
<br />
YOUR TROUBLES WITH [[jerkops|JERKOPS]] ISN'T BECAUSE OF THEM, IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU<br />
<br />
FUCK OFF AND DIE<br />
<br />
- VIVIAN GEE}}<br />
<br />
A tough love attempt at trying to help him. Spoiler alert: It didn't work.<br />
<br />
{{Email|Subject: Just some advice kid...<br><br />
From: Vivian Gee<br><br />
Wed 11/07/07 2:29 AM<br />
<br />
as a girl, I think I'd like to know what women want.<br />
<br />
here's just one hint.<br />
<br />
get rid of that damn [[medallion]].<br />
<br />
just destroy it and show the world that you mean business<br />
<br />
that'll help you a bit<br />
<br />
i mean honestly, that sonichu thing just turns most women off.<br />
<br />
if you really do hang out at [[Attraction location|the same places]], destroying it and showing it to the world might be a way to improve your image<br />
<br />
i'll stop.<br />
<br />
~vivi g}}<br />
<br />
She tried to help get rid of the medallion, never realizing [[Julie|shoving it up his ass would be easier]].<br />
<br />
{{Email|Subject: [[Liquid]] fears you.<br><br />
From: Vivian Gee<br><br />
Thu 8/07/08 3:02 AM<br />
<br />
I have been speaking with Liquid and he's not really afraid of the Hatred from others.<br />
<br />
What he does fear is you. Telling others that you hate him isn't going to do as much as you telling him directly.<br />
<br />
~ LOVE VIVI}}<br />
<br />
Nine months go by, and Chris posts [[CWC's Second Message|his DYKES DYKES CHINA video]]. Vivian attempts to contact him again.<br />
<br />
{{EmailReply|<br />
Subject: ViviG, someone is digging up the old news...<br><br />
From: Chris<br><br />
Sat 8/16/08 4:54 AM<br />
<br />
Firstly, after checking my saved e-mail from you, I wish to apologize for not offering my input on your part of Sonichu in the long time. To make up for that, in case you haven't heard, I have got back to work on [[Sonichu 7|Sonichu #7]], one page at a time. I've already promised a 2 or 3-page "In-Comic" interview with one Sonichu1985, AKA [[Robert Simmons]], based on his [[YouTube]] videos, but I believe that I WILL have a few more free pages after doing his interview, so with your permission, I can interview you as well, based on what I've seen on your [[deviantART]] page. And if I come up with additional questions, I will ask you.<br />
<br />
Now, on a more urgent matter, the dickheads behind the cursed [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] webpage, are bring up the outdated rumor of you creating Sonichu before me, which as I recollect from my saved e-mails from you, you've apologized to me, and you've relinquished assumed ownership on Sonichu. I ask you, as a friend, to log onto [[ED]], and set the record straight. You may wish to upload your later art to prove yourself to be who you are; my best lesbian friend, [[Anna McLerran]], AKA "Anniebanny", created the "ChadamRocket" account on ED to speak in my defense, and I quote,<br />
<br />
"I wrote that blog back when I didn't know Chris personally. I got to know him soon after that, and we became real friends. He's a really nice guy, with a great sense of humor. Yes, to the outsider he is quirky, and some of his actions and the things he says can be funny, but at the same time he cares deeply about his friends, and all the other good stuff nobody looking at this page wants to hear about. I just wanted to put that out there, though, since I obviously can't permanently delete the blog inclusion. I'll just have to wait until this whole website is shut down for good."<br />
<br />
You may also send a message to Anna via e-mail at sketchybananinja@hotmail.com, or through MySpace from her page at http://www.myspace.com/annamclerran. I Promise you, Vivian, that Anna is my trusted friend.<br />
<br />
Right, as for the image(s) you may upload, may I suggest those that I've found interesting on your page, "CC and MisD Adventures 1", "Another old chris and misdrea", or "vivi profile 8."<br />
<br />
Please set the record straight for me as a friend. :)<br />
<br />
Peace;<br />
Christian C.}}<br />
<br />
Chris apparently cares more about [[Sonichu]] than his real life endeavors.<br />
<br />
{{Email|Subject: Ugh Chris, do you not understand what you're doing wrong? (About the latest [[Rosechu]] comic...)<br><br />
From: Vivian Gee<br><br />
Wed 9/10/08 4:37 AM<br />
<br />
First off, no one really wants to know how two made up hedgehogs have sex.<br />
<br />
No one. People would rather find out how actual people have sex.<br />
<br />
Not hedgehogs.<br />
<br />
Second off, proving something about woman's rights or something by having a girl strip naked...that's a conflicting message.<br />
<br />
I don't know what kind of message you are trying to portray.<br />
<br />
You say [[Women's rights|you care about women]] yet your pictures and other sayings all conflict with one another.<br />
<br />
I honestly don't know what to feel except one thing...<br />
<br />
To quote the great Asuka, "Disgusting."<br />
<br />
Third off, you should have better judgment when adding in jokes. That [[Obama]] joke comes off extremely racist.<br />
<br />
You clearly make the joke about his skin color with him repainting the White House [[black]].<br />
<br />
If your father or mother have been teaching you this kind of thing, just...just learn to think for yourself. Please.<br />
<br />
Chris, you've got a way to fall.<br />
<br />
-Vivian Gee.}}<br />
<br />
Chris apparently didn't care. No reply.<br />
<br />
{{Email|<br />
Subject: Because no one else is going to explain it to you. [[Jason Howell]] has NOTHING to do with the ED page.<br><br />
From: Vivian Gee<br><br />
Thu 9/11/08 5:18 PM<br />
<br />
You can pester him all you want, but he has no control over the ED page.<br />
<br />
He has done absolutely nothing but claim he created it. He hardly did shit to the page.<br />
<br />
If you want to bring the page down, you will have to speak with the following people<br />
<br />
Joseph Evers, the owner.<br><br />
Girlvinyl, the founder.<br><br />
Ghettofinger, the developer.<br><br />
Crayolacrime, the admin.<br><br />
Weev, the attorney.<br />
<br />
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Encyclopedia_Dramatica<br />
<br />
You can find their information in the box with information.<br />
<br />
Many people contribute to ED, but those are the people who run it.<br />
<br />
They are the only ones who have the power to bring the page down.<br />
<br />
I still don't know why I'm explaining this to you. You need to figure this shit out yourself man.<br />
<br />
Also, 4chan or "[[4-cent garbage]]" also has nothing to do with ED. The people at 4chan detest ED despite all you may have heard.<br />
<br />
But really...<br />
<br />
It's just best to let it go, the page will stay up forever. It may haunt you, but you'll have to get over it.}}<br />
<br />
Chris still didn't care. No reply.<br />
<br />
{{Email|<br />
Subject: This will be my last message to you unless you reply. This message will be about everything.<br><br />
From: Vivian Gee<br><br />
Fri 9/12/08 4:07 PM<br />
<br />
I don't know where to begin.<br />
<br />
I'm not even sure why I'm sending this to you.<br />
<br />
Listen to me.<br />
<br />
Listen.<br />
<br />
No one gives two shits that your pictures are now all on the internet for everyone to see. Tons of celebrities have [[nudes]] and they don't care. They're way more popular than you'll ever be, so don't get your fucking panties in a bunch.<br />
<br />
Sonichufan is a fucking troll. Why else would he be the one to set you up with Kawaii? Can't you understand that? I mean, all he's doing is imitating your mannerisms. Look at his latest video. He stuffed his shirt so he can look more like you. I can't believe you're still so naive.<br />
<br />
There are no [[Fanbase|fans]] of Sonichu. Sonichu is a bastardization of properties that belong to other people. Your entire comic is pretty much a bastardization of your life. Sonichu will never get anywhere. Quit your dreams of Sonichu (the game, the comic, merchandise, everything) now, and if you still feel a need to be "creative" or whatever bullshit you say, make something completely original. Don't base it off your life, don't base it off stuff that exists. Just make something completely new.<br />
<br />
If you quit Sonichu and start working on your real life harder, I'm sure you'll find success. If you stay in your deluded fantasyland, I don't know what you will become.<br />
<br />
You have never tried when it comes to women. Never. You can't just sit around and wait for it to happen. You have to make it happen. If you can't muster up the courage to do that, then you will never get [[Lovely Weather|a wife]], letalone a girlfriend. There are places where single men and women go to, I'll let you find them on your own in your area.<br />
<br />
Take off that [[medallion]]. I can't stress this enough. If you do, it will signify your detachment from Sonichu, and a brighter future.<br />
<br />
Forget about all those "haters", they don't hate you. They are [[trolling you. They want to see you become this way. Don't you understand, there is no reason for you to get upset about them. That's what they want. If they see you upset, defeated, angry, you're just giving them the victory. Your latest comics as a retaliation is a result of that, and they love it. They don't view it as an attack. They view it as victory.<br />
<br />
If you feel you can't do any of this, get a therapist. A real one. Ask your parents to send you to one. Do something about your life instead of bitch and draw comics about it.<br />
<br />
Chris, you've got a way to fall. But you can change that.<br />
<br />
- Vivian Gee}}<br />
<br />
No reply, again. We can see that, by trying to be a [[white knight]], she is still a better person than Chris will ever be.<br />
<br />
{{Email|<br />
Subject: Listen, please. I broke my promise to stop the contact. This is how severe it's gotten.<br><br />
From: Vivian Gee<br><br />
Sat 9/27/08 1:23 AM<br />
<br />
Chris, you have to listen to me.<br />
<br />
Please.<br />
<br />
For God's sake man, you need to stop trusting everyone on the internet. Go outside, meet women like you used to.<br />
<br />
The good days for you man, don't you want those back? Get off the internet!<br />
<br />
[[Panda]] is a troll, she is just setting you up for a fall.<br />
<br />
Reply telling me you acknowledge this<br />
<br />
Please.<br />
<br />
Vivian}}<br />
<br />
After warning him about [[Blanca]], SonichuFan1985 and Panda, Chris finally listens!<br />
<br />
{{EmailReply|Subject: none<br><br />
Sat 9/27/08 10:46 AM<br><br />
From: Chris<br />
<br />
I have read, understood and acknowledged your e-mail, Vivian. Listen I receive a lot of UNBELIEVABLE e-mails about putting down my [[Panda]], saying that she is a troll. Well, she and I have a True, [[Honest]] Relationship between her and me. Unless I have HARD evidence proving that for real, NOT the LAME evidence like Mudkips, [[Pickle]]s, web-documents and digital text. Like an audio recording of her voice, talking to someone on the dark side, or a video of the same thing that was not CROPPED and EDITED or whatever. When such CONCRETE evidence arises, I'll be more inclined to believe you, as well as the popular opinion.<br />
<br />
Peace,<br><br />
Christian C.<br />
<br />
Another thing, Vivian,<br><br />
Sat, 27 Sep 2008 12:21:50 -0400<br><br />
without total realization, I have uploaded a few of your works (Sonichu-Related) onto my SonichuSite accout; may I continue to upload the rest of what I have from you and quote you, or just leave them off my database, and quote you only through YOUR deviantART account. I have added your Sonichu Fanartwork into my Vivian G Folder. Please Reply with your answer.<br><br />
Peace,<br><br />
Christian C.<br />
}}<br />
<br />
Only to care more about Sonichu, still.<br />
<br />
{{Email|Subject: RE: Another thing, Vivian,<br><br />
From: Vivian Gee<br><br />
Sent: Sun 9/28/08 5:23 PM<br />
<br />
Chris,<br />
<br />
no one likes sonichu, the only reason we "like" sonichu is because the entire idea is stupid<br />
<br />
[[nintendo]] and [[sega]] will never make sonichu a reality<br />
<br />
just...just look at all the games out there today<br />
<br />
they have ORIGINAL characters with ORIGINAL stories (well at least a few of them)<br />
<br />
sonichu and all of his stupid furry friends are just ripoffs of mostly just [[sonic]] team characters<br />
<br />
[[Blachu|black sonichu]]? obviously a rip off of [[shadow]].<br />
<br />
fuckin' you know those [[chaotic combo]] things. all just sonic recolored and given an element. [[punchy]] is also [[knuckles]] just in hedgehog form<br />
<br />
you gotta stop with the [[sonichu]]<br />
<br />
forever<br />
<br />
FOREVER<br />
<br />
ARE YOU LISTENING<br />
<br />
I HAD TO PUT TOGETHER THOSE [[Audiobooks|AUDIOBOOKS]]<br />
<br />
I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, I HAVE SEEN EVERY SINGLE SONICHU STRIP<br />
<br />
THE ONLY REASON SO MANY PEOPLE LIKE IT IS BECAUSE IT IS SO PATHETIC THAT IT'S HUMOROUS<br />
<br />
BUT I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO THINK THAT, YOU TAKE SONICHU SERIOUSLY<br />
<br />
NO ONE DOES<br />
<br />
NO ONE ARE YOU LISTENING<br />
<br />
LISTEN TO ME STOP SONICHU NOW<br />
<br />
JUST STOP IT<br />
<br />
TAKE DOWN THE WEBSITE MAKE SOMETHING NEW DO SOMETHING MORE WITH YOUR "CREATIVITY" THAT YOU OH SO CLAIM TO HAVE<br />
<br />
LISTEN TO ME<br />
<br />
COME ON<br />
<br />
REPLY<br />
<br />
i'm sleepy<br />
<br />
-vivian}}<br />
<br />
And no reply.<br />
<br />
{{Email|Subject: I hope you still watch ED closely.<br><br />
From: Vivian Gee<br><br />
Tue 9/30/08 11:57 PM<br />
<br />
Even though you seem to have disappeared, they still manage to get things.<br />
<br />
Like your [[DVD|CD]]. Whoever you gave the CD out to, they are part of [[ED]].<br />
<br />
Stop trusting people so closely Chris, you're going to get hurt.<br />
<br />
Vivian.}}<br />
<br />
Still no reply.<br />
<br />
{{Email|Subject: Guess I was wrong. Blanca has been a troll from the start.<br><br />
From: Vivian Gee<br><br />
Wed 10/01/08 8:08 PM<br />
<br />
She could have fooled me.<br />
<br />
She's been a [[troll]] this entire time, orchestrating the break up and the reuniting of you two.<br />
<br />
Don't you dare let her near you, she is just going to steal your things.<br />
<br />
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Image:Blancatrollproof.JPG<br />
<br />
Listen, Chris. I'm the last one trying to help you. Honest to fucking god.<br />
<br />
Vivian}}<br />
<br />
Again, no reply.<br />
<br />
{{Email|Subject: RE: Guess I was wrong. [[Blanca]] has been a troll from the start.<br><br />
From: Vivian Gee<br><br />
Sun 10/05/08 12:33 AM<br />
<br />
Chris, there is no one else who could get THESE IMAGES.<br />
<br />
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Image:Chrisjobs.jpg<br><br />
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Image:Chrisseypoo1.jpg<br />
<br />
YOU ARE NOT GOING TO FIND YOUR SO-CALLED "TRUE LOVE" ON THE INTERNET CHRIS<br />
<br />
SEEK SOME HELP PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
vivian}}<br />
<br />
No reply, lol.<br />
<br />
{{Email|Subject: did someone get that medallion? oh chris, please tell me that isn't the real one.<br><br />
From: Vivian Gee<br><br />
Mon 10/06/08 10:03 PM<br />
<br />
...really...<br />
<br />
really...<br />
<br />
just...tell me it's fake... if it is...<br />
<br />
if not...god chris, why didn't you listen}}<br />
<br />
roflmao, Chris just dosn't give a shit about himself or his reputation<br />
<br />
{{Emails}}<br />
<br />
[[Category:E-mails]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Talk:Main_Page&diff=124901Talk:Main Page2010-11-14T08:33:44Z<p>Kyweaver: /* Sports */</p>
<hr />
<div>{{protip|This talk page should serve as a place to discuss improving the overall front page of CWCki. For discussion on improvements to CWCki overall, please see the [[CWCki:Community Portal|Community Portal]]. For discussing individual front page templates, please refer to the discussion pages of those templates.}}<br />
<br />
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<br />
==Protect the templates==<br />
Seeing how the main page itself is protected, why not protect the templates as well? [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 16:49, 11 September 2010 (PDT)<br />
*There's already cascading protection for all the front page templates. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:51, 11 September 2010 (PDT)<br />
*Stop freaking out about this spammer shit, Champ has it under control --[[User:Megaman|Megaman]] 16:53, 11 September 2010 (PDT)<br />
<br />
== new vid ==<br />
<br />
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzAJvMKQeJA&feature=player_embedded<br />
<br />
can't add news so there you go--[[User:Wintermute|Wintermute]] 13:38, 16 September 2010 (PDT)<br />
<br />
==Can this be the new Quote of the Now, please?==<br />
<br />
{{quote|I've learned... from my father; he taught and showed me which male ends go into which female ends.|Wallflower E-mails.}}<br />
<br />
[[User:Bunsteaks|Bunsteaks]] 13:28, 25 September 2010 (PDT)<br />
I'm for this too.<br />
[[User:Theiselybors|Theiselybros]] 02:10, 21 October 2010 (EST)<br />
<br />
==I suggest this for the Video of the Now==<br />
<br />
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmFHPbaNT04 [[User:Xavier|Xavier]] 07:37, 28 September 2010 (PDT)<br />
<br />
Since there's a white space in the Video of the Now (at least on my computer) why not feature this video? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoqjN3amRD4<br />
--[[User:Vofdoom38|VofDoom38]] 17:44, 21 October 2010 (PDT)<br />
<br />
== Project Map Fucking Everything ==<br />
<br />
Started up this project and got a lot of things mapped down.<br />
<br />
http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?hl=en&gl=us&ptab=2&ie=UTF8&oe=UTF8&msa=0&msid=116038930500742252038.0004949e055d81dc61c0b<br />
<br />
I'd like to get all of the places he mentions/visits/films/rapes marked down on the map, but there's a lot of videos and some of them I never wish to see again. So, it's open collaboration and anyone with a Google account can edit it. Feel free to login and mark down different areas he's visited. Just try to be logical and succinct when adding locations. Don't need every McDonald's marked down. When doing videos of him travelling, try to figure out the path with a line and mark at least one end of it.<br />
<br />
Now, a question:<br />
Should we make a page for the full map or just link it in the bottom of the "Locations" divs on the other pages?<br />
-- [[User:Arius|Arius]] 13:49, 9 November 2010 (PST)<br />
<br />
*Put it on the locations template. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 13:53, 9 November 2010 (PST)<br />
**Done. Couldn't think of a better name than Chris's World. -- [[User:Arius|Arius]] 14:11, 9 November 2010 (PST)<br />
<br />
== Sports ==<br />
<br />
Is there any inclination that Chris is into any kind of sport or professional sports team? I asked this on the main page because I don't know where else to ask it.</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Talk:Main_Page&diff=124900Talk:Main Page2010-11-14T08:32:57Z<p>Kyweaver: /* Sports */ new section</p>
<hr />
<div>{{protip|This talk page should serve as a place to discuss improving the overall front page of CWCki. For discussion on improvements to CWCki overall, please see the [[CWCki:Community Portal|Community Portal]]. For discussing individual front page templates, please refer to the discussion pages of those templates.}}<br />
<br />
'''Archives''': [[Talk:Main Page/Archive 1|1]] [[Talk:Main Page/Archive 2|2]]<br />
<br />
==Protect the templates==<br />
Seeing how the main page itself is protected, why not protect the templates as well? [[User:Pfargtl9000|Pfargtl9000 Spam and Eggs]] 16:49, 11 September 2010 (PDT)<br />
*There's already cascading protection for all the front page templates. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:51, 11 September 2010 (PDT)<br />
*Stop freaking out about this spammer shit, Champ has it under control --[[User:Megaman|Megaman]] 16:53, 11 September 2010 (PDT)<br />
<br />
== new vid ==<br />
<br />
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzAJvMKQeJA&feature=player_embedded<br />
<br />
can't add news so there you go--[[User:Wintermute|Wintermute]] 13:38, 16 September 2010 (PDT)<br />
<br />
==Can this be the new Quote of the Now, please?==<br />
<br />
{{quote|I've learned... from my father; he taught and showed me which male ends go into which female ends.|Wallflower E-mails.}}<br />
<br />
[[User:Bunsteaks|Bunsteaks]] 13:28, 25 September 2010 (PDT)<br />
I'm for this too.<br />
[[User:Theiselybors|Theiselybros]] 02:10, 21 October 2010 (EST)<br />
<br />
==I suggest this for the Video of the Now==<br />
<br />
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmFHPbaNT04 [[User:Xavier|Xavier]] 07:37, 28 September 2010 (PDT)<br />
<br />
Since there's a white space in the Video of the Now (at least on my computer) why not feature this video? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoqjN3amRD4<br />
--[[User:Vofdoom38|VofDoom38]] 17:44, 21 October 2010 (PDT)<br />
<br />
== Project Map Fucking Everything ==<br />
<br />
Started up this project and got a lot of things mapped down.<br />
<br />
http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?hl=en&gl=us&ptab=2&ie=UTF8&oe=UTF8&msa=0&msid=116038930500742252038.0004949e055d81dc61c0b<br />
<br />
I'd like to get all of the places he mentions/visits/films/rapes marked down on the map, but there's a lot of videos and some of them I never wish to see again. So, it's open collaboration and anyone with a Google account can edit it. Feel free to login and mark down different areas he's visited. Just try to be logical and succinct when adding locations. Don't need every McDonald's marked down. When doing videos of him travelling, try to figure out the path with a line and mark at least one end of it.<br />
<br />
Now, a question:<br />
Should we make a page for the full map or just link it in the bottom of the "Locations" divs on the other pages?<br />
-- [[User:Arius|Arius]] 13:49, 9 November 2010 (PST)<br />
<br />
*Put it on the locations template. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 13:53, 9 November 2010 (PST)<br />
**Done. Couldn't think of a better name than Chris's World. -- [[User:Arius|Arius]] 14:11, 9 November 2010 (PST)<br />
<br />
== Sports ==<br />
<br />
Is there any inclination that Chris is into any kind of sport or professional sports team? I asked this on the main page because I don't know where to ask it.</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Talk:Chris_and_hypocrisy&diff=124899Talk:Chris and hypocrisy2010-11-14T08:22:54Z<p>Kyweaver: /* Another Suggestion */</p>
<hr />
<div>To do: Go through the mailbags and find more examples. These should include multiple instances of Chris telling others to do one thing when he himself does the complete opposite, or at the very least really outrageous examples. Also I wouldn't include things where Chris just calls people "weak" when he himself is weak because Chris is an idiot and thinks he's strong because he can lift doghouses. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 21:31, 5 December 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
This is a rather specific topic but given that the List of Chris's lies have devolved from being a list of lies to any sort of hypocrisy on Chris's part (which isn't the same as lying) or people assuming things about this, this page can also help clean up the Lies page.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:11, 5 December 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
==A few suggestions==<br />
Copypasting 'em from Anaconda/Sandbox's talk page:<br />
* Chris drinks his navy, but doesn't like homos;<br />
* Chris doesn't like people stealing his OCs, but steals other people's ideas (and other people's OCs) all the time;<br />
* The Adam Stackhouse incident (Chris cheated to win a contest, and then was outraged about his rival's supposed cheating);<br />
* To add to the "Get a life" section: Chris made a [[Quizzes|quiz]] about trolls – but Chris himself fits 7 of 8 requirements he listed;<br />
* Chris hates when people critique his work, but often critiques other people's works (and even fan creations);<br />
* Chris banned alcohol in CWCville, but drinks it himself;<br />
* Chris Ian scolded Liquid Chris for "stealing his identity", and then tried to do the same thing while hitting on Kacey;<br />
* Chris critiqued Liquid on the same traits Liquid just took up to imitate Chris;<br />
* Chris often complains about "jerks" stealing his girls, and then tried to steal Liquid's fiancee;<br />
* Chris hates men who have girlfriends (except gfs who are "black or married"), he tells them to jump from a cliff, he wants them to die, etc. But then, in Sonichu 5, Mary Lee Walsh and her Jerkops are attacking and arresting boyfriends and separating them from their women! Is Mary Lee Walsh acting as an antihero in this sequence? Or is it just Chris's hypocrisy?<br />
Holding for a hero who would convert them into proper literary form. Not that I'm lazy, I'm just-- scratch that, I ''am'' lazy :) --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 23:21, 5 December 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
I'll try to get some of these things written up. I'd actually started to put together my own "Chris and hypocrisy" page before this went up. I inserted a bit of my introductory paragraph into what's already here. [[User:Alteceastlansing|Alteceastlansing]] 04:45, 6 December 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
==Here's my own suggestion==<br />
When Chris told a couple people that they have problems of their own and they're the ones who should go to a psychiatrist. One of the people called him a sociopath (and explained in detail why) and the other didn't get why Chris suggested him watch the 40-Year-Old Virgin to understand his way or life or some dumb shit. --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 03:14, 14 January 2010 (UTC)<br />
* I think I listed a bunch of reasons why he could be a sociopath. And he's mostly opposed to psychiatrist/psychologists/professional therapists and counselors because they cost money. This is somewhat of a legitimate concern, but when Chris was forced to see one as a condition of his return to PVCC his therapist worked on a sliding scale where he paid like $20/visit. Most of them will do this: they're not willing to give their services for free, but they understand if you're in financial trouble and will lower their prices accordingly. But Chris thinks that $20 would be better spent on new hats for Little Big Planet than working on overcoming his many personal issues. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 22:15, 19 March 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
==Moof or aloof==<br />
So I wrote some stuff about Chris's recent incredible hypocrisy regarding violence. It's pretty awful and could use some editing. I can't remember where he said that his comic would never contain gore, and I have to get some other work done, so if someone could pick up my slack, that would be cool.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 16:36, 25 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
*On it, boss --[[User:Mikhail Faulken|Mikhail Faulken]] 16:42, 25 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
==Sweetheart from the Ground Up==<br />
<br />
This is sorta iffy. He doesn't acknowledge that he's poor or fat. In the case of the latter he's made many lame rationalizations about his weight, like his "past" Buddha belly, being born with manboobs, and it being totally normal to have to stop every minute or so while jogging. Also he'll squeeze into shirts he wore in high school or in the early 2000s and will have to wear a T-shirt underneath to cover his gut. According to one of the FA's iconic striped shirt only comes down to about his navel. But despite all evidence to the contrary Chris denies being fat. He also thinks that he's making more money being on welfare than he could get working a full-time job, and has an extremely poor grasp of savings, finances, etc. For example: he thinks the sales tax he pays when he buys things at a store is the same thing as income tax, and that sales tax somehow "goes back" to people on government assistance. Plus Chris obviously didn't give a shit about the Hambeast's obvious fatness when out on a date with her, beyond make rude comments about it ("I could help you work off that weight" etc). The "no autistics" thing is covered elsewhere on this page, too. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 22:26, 19 March 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
<br />
==Online presence==<br />
<br />
I moved the section 'leaving the internet' to a different section called 'online presence' which could maybe be expanded to not only tackle some of the points he makes in that video (e.g. that healthy people go outside and have friends, which is pretty staggering) but also some of his other moments of hypocrisy as related to his online presence -- stuffing the online vote against Adam Stackhouse and then railing against cheating, for example, or complaining bitterly about being trolled and then using the same tactics against Clyde et al (resulting in the infamous 9/11 videos). If this is too broad or specious a topic, feel free to move it around, but the 'leaving the internet' section seemed kind of lonely sitting there by itself. [[User:Parapluie|Parapluie]] 08:53, 23 March 2010 (UTC)<br />
* I think the fact that he made a speech claiming that he didn't need the internet and then coming back to the internet less than two days later to post extremely stupid shit stands alone and doesn't need much elaboration. I thought he would last longer, as he's mostly a gamer as opposed to a net addict, and is capable of going for days or a week without posting any kind of update without any special promises not to do so. Like, I knew he would fail at this, but I didn't expect him to fail so spectacularly. If it counts for anything, he logged into YouTube for some reason exactly two hours after he posted the Cya later video, but I don't have screen caps. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 16:04, 23 March 2010 (UTC)<br />
** I changed it back. YouTube Finale wasn't about how "nobody needs the internet," it was more about him leaving YouTube and then changing his mind a week or so later. And then one after YouTube finale was announcing that Chris got a new website, which a hypothetical Sonichu fan would care about. The one after this is "They changed The Cleveland Show and I hate it." The Adam Stackhouse stuff could easily be its own section, where Chris accuses him of cheating but cheats himself. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 16:13, 23 March 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
<br />
==Chris and the golden rule==<br />
<br />
I hope I'm doing this right. anyway, somewhat new to CWC and the this wiki.<br />
reading over about the personality of Chris and such I'm surprised no one has brought up the golden rule to Chris, sure he knows the violent cousin "eye for an eye" (Although he can't even follow that). It's obvious that he doesn't follow the golden rule, but I'm willing to bet that he says he does (because killing someone for making fun of his is TOTALLY FAIR, and is totally following the GR) which is why I think it'll fit here under hypocrisy (I could be wrong). I would ask him myself, but I don't know how to contact him yet. (hoping I can get the signing thing correct) [[User:SenorTucan|SenorTucan]] 20:27, 5 May 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
<br />
==Another Suggestion==<br />
<br />
I'm not 100% sure this has been brought up, but Chris claimed that there were NO elections in CWCville in response to the Billy Mays incident and his excuse for it. However, in one of the mailbags he said the exact opposite. He said "I have previously stated that Cwcville was originally founded by my Father, in which made him Mayor of it for some years, who gave it a different name before he named me Mayor later on. Yet is NOT a Monarchy either, because we HOLD elections for the Members of the Cwcville Board and such". Further proving chris is indeed a hypocritical and contradictive fool. How does this make him a hypocrite and not merely contradictive? Because he fails to understand how his own comics work and he is unable to develop a stable environment for the setting of Sonichu and the place it is based in. However, he bashed Alec Benson Leary for him not being able to do so. Or at least what he believed Alec failed to do in Asperchu</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Talk:Chris_and_hypocrisy&diff=124898Talk:Chris and hypocrisy2010-11-14T08:06:32Z<p>Kyweaver: possible add on to the page and further proving him to be a hypocrite</p>
<hr />
<div>To do: Go through the mailbags and find more examples. These should include multiple instances of Chris telling others to do one thing when he himself does the complete opposite, or at the very least really outrageous examples. Also I wouldn't include things where Chris just calls people "weak" when he himself is weak because Chris is an idiot and thinks he's strong because he can lift doghouses. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 21:31, 5 December 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
This is a rather specific topic but given that the List of Chris's lies have devolved from being a list of lies to any sort of hypocrisy on Chris's part (which isn't the same as lying) or people assuming things about this, this page can also help clean up the Lies page.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:11, 5 December 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
==A few suggestions==<br />
Copypasting 'em from Anaconda/Sandbox's talk page:<br />
* Chris drinks his navy, but doesn't like homos;<br />
* Chris doesn't like people stealing his OCs, but steals other people's ideas (and other people's OCs) all the time;<br />
* The Adam Stackhouse incident (Chris cheated to win a contest, and then was outraged about his rival's supposed cheating);<br />
* To add to the "Get a life" section: Chris made a [[Quizzes|quiz]] about trolls – but Chris himself fits 7 of 8 requirements he listed;<br />
* Chris hates when people critique his work, but often critiques other people's works (and even fan creations);<br />
* Chris banned alcohol in CWCville, but drinks it himself;<br />
* Chris Ian scolded Liquid Chris for "stealing his identity", and then tried to do the same thing while hitting on Kacey;<br />
* Chris critiqued Liquid on the same traits Liquid just took up to imitate Chris;<br />
* Chris often complains about "jerks" stealing his girls, and then tried to steal Liquid's fiancee;<br />
* Chris hates men who have girlfriends (except gfs who are "black or married"), he tells them to jump from a cliff, he wants them to die, etc. But then, in Sonichu 5, Mary Lee Walsh and her Jerkops are attacking and arresting boyfriends and separating them from their women! Is Mary Lee Walsh acting as an antihero in this sequence? Or is it just Chris's hypocrisy?<br />
Holding for a hero who would convert them into proper literary form. Not that I'm lazy, I'm just-- scratch that, I ''am'' lazy :) --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 23:21, 5 December 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
I'll try to get some of these things written up. I'd actually started to put together my own "Chris and hypocrisy" page before this went up. I inserted a bit of my introductory paragraph into what's already here. [[User:Alteceastlansing|Alteceastlansing]] 04:45, 6 December 2009 (CET)<br />
<br />
==Here's my own suggestion==<br />
When Chris told a couple people that they have problems of their own and they're the ones who should go to a psychiatrist. One of the people called him a sociopath (and explained in detail why) and the other didn't get why Chris suggested him watch the 40-Year-Old Virgin to understand his way or life or some dumb shit. --[[User:CWCAttack|CWCAttack]] 03:14, 14 January 2010 (UTC)<br />
* I think I listed a bunch of reasons why he could be a sociopath. And he's mostly opposed to psychiatrist/psychologists/professional therapists and counselors because they cost money. This is somewhat of a legitimate concern, but when Chris was forced to see one as a condition of his return to PVCC his therapist worked on a sliding scale where he paid like $20/visit. Most of them will do this: they're not willing to give their services for free, but they understand if you're in financial trouble and will lower their prices accordingly. But Chris thinks that $20 would be better spent on new hats for Little Big Planet than working on overcoming his many personal issues. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 22:15, 19 March 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
==Moof or aloof==<br />
So I wrote some stuff about Chris's recent incredible hypocrisy regarding violence. It's pretty awful and could use some editing. I can't remember where he said that his comic would never contain gore, and I have to get some other work done, so if someone could pick up my slack, that would be cool.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 16:36, 25 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
*On it, boss --[[User:Mikhail Faulken|Mikhail Faulken]] 16:42, 25 February 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
==Sweetheart from the Ground Up==<br />
<br />
This is sorta iffy. He doesn't acknowledge that he's poor or fat. In the case of the latter he's made many lame rationalizations about his weight, like his "past" Buddha belly, being born with manboobs, and it being totally normal to have to stop every minute or so while jogging. Also he'll squeeze into shirts he wore in high school or in the early 2000s and will have to wear a T-shirt underneath to cover his gut. According to one of the FA's iconic striped shirt only comes down to about his navel. But despite all evidence to the contrary Chris denies being fat. He also thinks that he's making more money being on welfare than he could get working a full-time job, and has an extremely poor grasp of savings, finances, etc. For example: he thinks the sales tax he pays when he buys things at a store is the same thing as income tax, and that sales tax somehow "goes back" to people on government assistance. Plus Chris obviously didn't give a shit about the Hambeast's obvious fatness when out on a date with her, beyond make rude comments about it ("I could help you work off that weight" etc). The "no autistics" thing is covered elsewhere on this page, too. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 22:26, 19 March 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
<br />
==Online presence==<br />
<br />
I moved the section 'leaving the internet' to a different section called 'online presence' which could maybe be expanded to not only tackle some of the points he makes in that video (e.g. that healthy people go outside and have friends, which is pretty staggering) but also some of his other moments of hypocrisy as related to his online presence -- stuffing the online vote against Adam Stackhouse and then railing against cheating, for example, or complaining bitterly about being trolled and then using the same tactics against Clyde et al (resulting in the infamous 9/11 videos). If this is too broad or specious a topic, feel free to move it around, but the 'leaving the internet' section seemed kind of lonely sitting there by itself. [[User:Parapluie|Parapluie]] 08:53, 23 March 2010 (UTC)<br />
* I think the fact that he made a speech claiming that he didn't need the internet and then coming back to the internet less than two days later to post extremely stupid shit stands alone and doesn't need much elaboration. I thought he would last longer, as he's mostly a gamer as opposed to a net addict, and is capable of going for days or a week without posting any kind of update without any special promises not to do so. Like, I knew he would fail at this, but I didn't expect him to fail so spectacularly. If it counts for anything, he logged into YouTube for some reason exactly two hours after he posted the Cya later video, but I don't have screen caps. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 16:04, 23 March 2010 (UTC)<br />
** I changed it back. YouTube Finale wasn't about how "nobody needs the internet," it was more about him leaving YouTube and then changing his mind a week or so later. And then one after YouTube finale was announcing that Chris got a new website, which a hypothetical Sonichu fan would care about. The one after this is "They changed The Cleveland Show and I hate it." The Adam Stackhouse stuff could easily be its own section, where Chris accuses him of cheating but cheats himself. --[[User:Anaconda|Anaconda]] 16:13, 23 March 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
<br />
==Chris and the golden rule==<br />
<br />
I hope I'm doing this right. anyway, somewhat new to CWC and the this wiki.<br />
reading over about the personality of Chris and such I'm surprised no one has brought up the golden rule to Chris, sure he knows the violent cousin "eye for an eye" (Although he can't even follow that). It's obvious that he doesn't follow the golden rule, but I'm willing to bet that he says he does (because killing someone for making fun of his is TOTALLY FAIR, and is totally following the GR) which is why I think it'll fit here under hypocrisy (I could be wrong). I would ask him myself, but I don't know how to contact him yet. (hoping I can get the signing thing correct) [[User:SenorTucan|SenorTucan]] 20:27, 5 May 2010 (UTC)<br />
<br />
<br />
==Another Suggestion==<br />
<br />
I'm not 100% sure this has been brought up, but Chris claimed that there were NO elections in CWCville in response to the Billy Mays incident and his excuse for it. However, in one of the mailbags he said the exact opposite. He said "I have previously stated that Cwcville was originally founded by my Father, in which made him Mayor of it for some years, who gave it a different name before he named me Mayor later on. Yet is NOT a Monarchy either, because we HOLD elections for the Members of the Cwcville Board and such". Further proving this man-child and poor excuse of a human being is indeed a hypocritical and contradictive fool.</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Father_Call&diff=123029Father Call2010-11-02T19:38:32Z<p>Kyweaver: </p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image:Matthew_Devoria.jpg|thumb|Artist's interpretation of Matthew Devoria.]]<br />
<br />
Early in [[November 2009]], [[Chris|Solid Chris]] spent a little over two hours on the phone one night with '''Matthew Devoria''' (born 1957), father of his would-be [[sweetheart]] [[Kacey]]. Matthew is a retired [[Wikipedia:United States Marine Corps|U.S. Marine]] who served in the [[Wikipedia:Gulf War|Gulf War]], and a consummate badass with a really sexy voice. Though it is more likely that Kacey's "father" in this call was really a 19 year old trying to make his voice deeper. However, successfully fooling Chris despite the bad voice acting on Kacey's and her "father's" part. <br />
<br />
Chris uses the opportunity of speaking to the father of a heartsweet by boasting of his now legendary [[honest content|honesty]], before going on to [[lie]] his ass off about any topic you care to mention.<br />
<br />
Chris is even playing ''[[Wikipedia:Portal (video game)|Portal]]'' during the phone conversation: if you go to 01:22:21 (2:23 on YouTube video 9), you'll hear a turret saying "[[Target]] lost," seconds after Chris is told by Matthew that Kacey hasn't heard a word Chris has said. ''The irony is undeniable''. One could speculate that trolls were monitoring the call, and triggered the sound effect, as if to point out Chris's lack of attention. Some even speculate that Matthew is probably playing the game, as if to ignore the [[Autism|ignorance]] of our hero.<br />
<br />
Their conversation is...illuminating. This is probably the most blunt assessment of himself and his place in the world that Chris has ever directly received: Matthew berates Chris for his [[Monthly tugboat|laziness]], [[Chris and death|lack of empathy]], [[Sonic the Hedgehog|inability]] [[pokémon|to]] [[video games|grow]] [[sonichu|up]], [[chris and health|unhealthy lifestyle]], [[fat|rotund figure]], and for generally being a failure at life. It is unlikely that Chris will take any of Matt and Kacey's advice to heart, as he retorts by saying that he leads a [[lie|hard life]], which includes such laborious tasks as doing [[:Image:Gibson.jpg|menial chores]], mowing the lawn, which he uses a [[CWC Fighter|riding lawn mower]] to do, and [[Tour of Chris's House|cleaning the house]]. He also claims to be [[I AM STRONG|strong]] and that he [[Guitar Hero|exercises]] [[Mass debating|regularly]], as well as eating healthy by going to [[McDonald's]] only once per week and [[Homo|shoving vegetables down his throat]].<br />
<br />
After being confronted with the truth that he uses the [[trolls]] and his [[autism]] as a crutch, [[stress]] overcame him and Chris became increasingly more [[chris and anger|upset]]. In general, Chris's attitude and immaturity greatly offended Kacey and her father, causing her to rethink her decision and go back to [[CChanSonichuCWC|Liquid]].<br />
<br />
Chris recorded his [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5 November video]] as a follow-up to this conversation, hoping to repair his relationship with Kacey. He then had another [[Kacey and Liquid Call|phone conversation with Kacey]], which didn't go so well...<br />
<br />
==Transcript==<br />
===Matthew makes the scene===<br />
[[Image:Md.PNG|thumb|Chris's drawing of Kacey's father (from [[Sonichu Special 4]]).]]<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Hey Chris, it's Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hi Kacey, how are you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Um, I'm cool, um, I'm over at my parents' house cause, um, they wanted to call cause they saw some of your videos and I gave them the letter...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, all right, actually I'm uploading a [[11042009 51 50|video]] now, I did 51 reps with, uh, 50 pound weights... not really weights, but...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> You did 51 reps or 51 times? 'Cause, reps are different.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You know, lifted them up, 51 times, lifted them up with each arm. 51 times each arm so 102.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Hm. Well, was it hard?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, it was hard, but it was a show of strength anyway.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Um, that's funny cause I have to lift like... 100 or more pounds for my job but, um, let me go ahead and get my dad because he wants to talk to you.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Uh, okay, what's his name? ...Okay.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> I'm sorry I didn't hear you, it's Matthew.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Matthew? Okay.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> All right.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> All right well just give me a minute.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay.<br />
<br />
[''Pause'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Hello, Chris. This is ''Matthew'', Kacey's father.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hello, s-good evening sir, how are you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I'm good, thank you. How are you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm doing good.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Good, good... So, uh... So I've got a couple of questions for you... Well, more than a couple.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That's fine, that's fine, I'm happy to oblige with an an-with an [[honest content|honest]] answer.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, well uh, first and foremost, let's see...you got a job, son?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Not currently but [[Chris's resume|I am working towards getting a job]], I have been filling out applications left and right.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really, really, what kind of places? What kind of skills you got?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, w-yeah, I'm looking a- I'm applying for like uh- retail stores and such, I've got an application for a new CVS in [[Ruckersville]], and uh, one over at [[Wal-Mart]], and had one over at [[Target]]...I have worked before, I've worked at [[Wendy's]] in Ruckersville for a few months... First off I worked off as a sales representative for [[Cutco]] cutlery.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Right, that's minimum wage stuff... Did you go to college or something?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|I went to college]] and, uh, got a degree and a certificate in [[CADD|Computer Aided Graphic and Design]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you're working at...''Target''...I mean, I know the economy's bad but I mean... surely you've gotta, you know, use that somehow, right? ...How old are you again?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm 27... sir.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You're almost ''thirty'' and you're working at, uh...''Target''. You wanna work at Target, I should say.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hm... yeah well, not really sure what kind of jobs my, uh... degree and certificate would get me but I mean like, you know... but I mean, if I-if I did know then I'd certainly strike up on the job...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You got a degree not knowing what kind of jobs you could get... in that field and you've had it for how long? When did you graduate?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Uh...I graduated in 2006.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> 2006, so you've had it for 3 years and you have done nothing with it... Hm, you haven't had any jobs between then?<br />
<br />
===Pokémon volunteer and Chris's home===<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I had-I did-I have done volunteer work... uh...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That doesn't pay, though. Although, what kind? Humor me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What kind of volunteer work? Humor me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> All right, yeah, well, I have the-I helped the children over at the [[The GAMe PLACe|Citizens Gym League]] for the [[Pokémon]] Trading Card Game league a few years back...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> ''Pokémon''? Wait, wait, that...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You know, teach them how to play, build decks from what scraps they had, make sure they kept in order, don't get too crazy...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And...how long ago was this?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry, what was that?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> How long ago was this? I mean, wasn't that Pokémon thing, wasn't that back in [[1990s|the 90s]] when that was really popular? Because I think my youngest daughter used to like that, but you know, that was years ago.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That was the late 90s.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> LATE 90s.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And-um-that's still going strong. Maybe I-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> If you say so.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ...And I have been doing that from 1998 till about 2008. So about 10 years I've been doing that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Right. You've been playing a children's card game for 10 years.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ...Yeah but also like, as you know, like, a form of babysitting.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Babysitting...but doesn't babysitting usually you know, pay? And I mean, that doesn't sound like you're volunteering. When I think volunteering work I think like, you know, Red Cross, that kind of thing. You know, actually going out and really helping people, planting trees, that kind of stuff.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah well, I have-I have been-I have helped people out. You know, I, uh, helped, like, the parents mind...knowing their children were in a safe environment and I helped ensure children were playing and were within the safe environment and that nothing was to go wrong and, uh, and I was respected as an authoritative figure in that sense.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And...but...are you still doing this? I mean, or what are you doing right now? If you stopped, why aren't you doing this anymore?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Ummm...yeah, I was kinda like, uh, you know, uh, not so good at showing up, so it was like my choice on ending that, you know. But yeah, it was kind of a sad day for me, you know, to have to put that behind me, but you know we gotta move on. But anyway, aside from that I...I've been searching and, uh, doing yardwork for my family and other sorts of...heavy lifting.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Right, right...Well anyways, I'm done talking about, uh, Pok-e-man now. I got a couple more. So, uh, what kind of place you got, you got a place of your own? Where you living at?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah...I'm currently living in a [[14 Branchland Court|2-story house]] with my [[mother]] and my [[father]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Living with your parents, age 30. Got it. [''Chris tries to interrupt''] Almost 30, excuse me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, uh, I hope that, uh, doesn't strike you in a bad thing, but its like, uh, I just did not feel comfortable leaving the safety of my home with the uh, for a while.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And uh, why is that exactly?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Cause I could not really, I just did not feel, you know, like I was ready for a place of my own just yet.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You gotta leave somehow, you've gotta leave at some point. I think most of my kids will, you know, move out 18, 20... I'm okay if they hang out while they're in college but after that they gotta start looking for a place of their own, you know?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah...yeah. But, you know, to each their own individual growth rates.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Right, but, but uh, I just gotta ask though...I mean, you're really serious about Kacey, are you not?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font>Yes, yes, I am serious about Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay so...uh-<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And with her help, I feel like I could get a good start on being able to, uh, you know, shortly, in the near future, move out of my-of the house.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> ...with her help?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ...and get a place of my own...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You need her help to support both of you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''floundering''] It's more like you know...um...some details I'm not understand...I talk to my parents sometimes about that but it's like, uh, you know...uh...I...it's like a...whole bunch of details...you know...yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> EXPLAIN, PLEASE. I don't know what these details are.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Anyway, I'm still, like, uh, I would need external influence, somebody outside the house to help me feel more comfortable in moving out.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You could, you know, people are always looking for roommates, just go to any college board.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah...but still, I mean, that's not...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's not really an excuse.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That's not something I would feel comfortable with since, uh, I haven't been to college for a few years, you know.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So, really, if you can't support my daughter, my daughter needs a man, a MAN to support her.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am a man, sir.<br />
<br />
===Financial situation and Crystal the tard-baby===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> How serious are you about my daughter?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> How serious are you about my daughter? Really. If you aren't even willing to support yourself. <br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am willing, I am able to support myself as well. I'm able to support myself. And I will be able to support your daughter as well.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, then why aren't you? Where's the money gonna come from?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I do have, I do have a [[Monthly tugboat|monthly income]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Do you now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I get, yeah, I get it from the government. My family is a little bit in with the government.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So why do you get welfare? Might I ask? Or whatever you call it.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You can call it, like, you know, a stepping-stone in the right direction of me moving out and all that, but seriously, though, I am very strong-willed, and I feel that I could, I would be able to take care of Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You're avoiding my question. Why are you on, I think it's actually called Social Security. Why do you get it? I mean, I'm a pretty strong Republican, we don't really like that whole welfare thing. We work, and if we can't work, we go join the military. That's what I did.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. I understand that. You see, I'm [[Autism|high-functionally autistic]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Are you now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. I was diagnosed with that at a young age, and I was, I still have [''brief disconnection''] just a few years ago.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So, ah...isn't that [[autism]] thing, it's like a, you're not, like, ''retarded'', are you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Ah, I'm sorry, not really, what?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I'm just saying, you know, that's a genetic thing, right? I don't want any, if you're really going to get with my daughter, I don't want tard-babies.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, yeah, autism is not genetic.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Ah, I think I read somewhere that it was, actually. I'm pretty sure I did.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, no, it's a myth. That's a myth.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> A myth. A myth.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Autism is not genetic. You're not gonna have, there would be no retarded grandchildren on your part. I can guar...I can promise you that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> If you say so. If you really say so. I'm looking this stuff up right now. My Kacey, she's in medicine, she knows this stuff, she's an expert.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, but, like, you know, it might be also...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Actually, hold on, she's right over here. Hey, Kacey, what do you know about autism? Is that genetic?<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Yeah, it's definitely genetic. It usually runs in the mother's line but it can be in the father's as well. But it's usually the mother's. And twins have a much higher chance.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [In a relatively quiet sigh] Great.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font>Anything else, dad?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Ah...no, I think that's good, yeah, you go...what were you doing again?<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> I need to go finish washing the dishes, I'll be right back, dad.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I think there's some cake down there, too, go help yourself or something.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Okay, sweet! Thanks, dad.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Anyways, where was I? Let's see...if you really want a kid with my Kacey, I think you'd probably be best if you adopted or something. That's a good thing, you know.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, yeah, in my case, I would not, I do not, I would not care to adopt. You see, I have a dream, I have my dream, and that dream is to give birth, to have, to share a daughter with my wife-to-be, and her name would be [[Crystal]]. <br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> A dream...as in, you were asleep and you saw something?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. Plus, in the dream, I had, like, an office job.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> An office job. Right.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know, I don't think, Kacey actually doesn't really like that name. You know, it's kind of a stripper name, Cri-STAL, it's kinda like Cristal, that champagne...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, no, no, no, it would not, it would not, it would not be Cri-STAL, it would be Cri-STUL. Does that make sense?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> It's still pretty close.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It's fairly, it does sound close, but it's not, you're not, you're just replacing the C-R-I-S-T-L-E, you're replacing the L-E with an A-L.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yeah, but even so...you said this all came to you in a dream...dreams, they don't pay the bills. It's just a dream. That's all just from your head. I had a dream once where, you know, I was flying. You don't see me doing that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hm. Yeah, okay, but I mean, it's like in, yeah. Flying, yeah, you're definitely not going to be able to fly on your own. Sure. But it's like, you know, when you see a dream that's actually reasonable, that you can actually picture yourself doing in the future while you're awake. You know? It's like a career thing. You know, it's like, yeah, you definitely, it's like, you know, when your child, there's a chance you could become a cowboy if you dreamed of being a cowboy. But, you know, that may not be, that may seem kind of far-fetched, if you're living in a place that's not near or in Texas, but if you're like, if you dreamed you want, if you want, if you dreamed you wanted to be, to become a teacher, that's more likely, that's more likely possible. You can get the degree and become a teacher.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So? If you want to go do it, be a teacher, go to work in an office, GO WORK IN AN OFFICE! Go apply to an office. Don't dream about it, dreams do nothing for you, they don't pay the bills.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I am taking, I have been, I have been working on that, and I have been taking action on looking for good jobs. Definitely looking in office jobs.<br />
<br />
===Prophetic dreams and Bob Chandler===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You think you have some kind of powers of prophecy? That doesn't seem very, I don't know, to me it doesn't seem very Godly, you know.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, ah, ah, ah, I'm not saying, I'm not saying that I'm a prophet. I'm not saying that. But, you know, it's definitely something that, you know, it's definitely something that I feel that God has promised to me and [[Chris and religion|I believe in God]], I go to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] every Sunday, and like, like in...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That sounds like being a prophet to me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, yeah, you do, yeah, there are prophets that are mentioned in the Bible. <br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yes, but.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm not, I am not, I, but, I am not saying that I am a prophet. Not saying that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Son, I go to church every Sunday too, and I've never had any kind of dreams of anything telling me that something is going to happen. God doesn't do that. God doesn't tell you things like that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, yeah, you never know, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, it'll just, it depends on the people, you know? You never know it, but you know, you might actually have gotten a message in a dream that may have actually [''brief interruption''] but you might, you might not have caught on as quickly, or...and I do not mean to insult you, but, ah, yeah, right now, conflicted by, you know, retrospect, you might actually realize that could have been a message from God.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Naaaah... if you think you see the future, that sounds like you're trying to be a prophet. That doesn't really sound religious, that just sounds like some [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|mumbo-jumbo]] to me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm not saying that it is the definite future, but that it is a POSSIBLE future. And I am looking-and I am looking to make that happen.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Well, MAKE it happen.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am going to.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Do it. And if it's not a message from god, you should go out, you should do it. Why don't you go- don't wait for it, it sounds like you're just sitting around waiting for it. When did you have this dream, exactly?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I pretty much, I pretty much had it when I was between seven and nine years old-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Seven-wh-TWENTY YEARS AGO? Excuse me? And nothing has happened between then and now?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[floundering]'' I was definitely, like, in my [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school years]]...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you hold onto this dream...I mean, you're almost thirty, you're, you know...time is gonna start working against you, you know? I mean, life is short.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes, it is.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you're living with your parents. I mean, what do you do all day, exactly?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I get creative by uh, I like to [[CWC - Hand Drawn Original|draw and color]]. And uh, sometimes I like to [[Masturbate|create]] with my hands, you know, I [[Medallions of Fail|sculpt]]. And, uh even as far as, you know, just tinkering with, [[Sex toys|anything]] I like tinkering with. I even have-I am even [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|technologically smart]]. I even took a [[computer]] upgrading class where I put together a computer, a personal computer, from scratch.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So...why aren't you working building computers or something? It sounds like something you could do.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''ignoring this fairly good point''] Hm, yeah, it is. Hm. Well I pretty much did get started on the techno-savvy, I would say, from my father. He's a retired technical engineer, he worked for GE for a number of years, he also, uh, was in the, well he was stationed over in Korea in the Signal Corps. He-he designed the controls for the plastic auto machines for his other achievements. So without him we would not have the plastic for, at the very least, your soda bottles.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's all fine and good, I mean, your father...but I'm not talking about your father, I'm talking about you.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm just pointing it out as hinting at my technological influence.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But...you haven't done anything, unlike your father. That's what I'm getting here. I mean, that's not good, son. When I was 27 I already had a wife and kids, I was working 40 hours a week.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hmm...umm...yes, well, my father didn't marry-my father did not marry the first time till he was 30 himself.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yeah but you know, he probably also had a job and was living on his own, and he was also in the military, like me. So I don't really care about what your father did, because that's what he did, that's not what you did.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I understand-I understand th-I understand what you're talk-I understand...talking about...and, you know, and your point.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Right.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I mean, I make a, I am trying to make a valid point myself. I feel like that, you know, we both are definitely understanding each other.<br />
===Kacey's boobs and Internet fame===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really? I must say, I'm not really impressed, but, uh, let's move on. Let's talk a little bit about what you think about my lovely daughter. What was the first thing you liked or noticed about Kacey?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I noticed her beautiful face.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Her beautiful face.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. And her blue-green eyes are like a pair of swimming pools that I would just like to swim around and bathe myself in.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> ''[laughs]'' So the first thing you noticed was her appearance.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Interrupting''] But also I definitely like to take note over time, over talking to her, one day that she was very smart and very fun to hang around with, and she definitely knows what she's talking about. If anything [''laughs''] she could be a little bit sm-[[Ego|she could be smarter than me on some things]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But still, the first thing that, uh, you noticed, was her appearance. So, were you looking for like a trophy wife or something? It's kind of funny...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''stuttering''] The first thing I noticed about her in person, when we talked first, you know, between phone calls and e-mails, after kind of an indirect meeting there, but anyway. I actually learned first that she was smart and very delightful to talk to. And then after a while, she and I met in person, and then I got to appreciate her face. And the-the smart, charming wit behind it.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This doesn't really add up to what Kacey told me, you know. The impressions I got from what she said about your first little..."encounter," we'll call it...she said she was a little bit...uncomfortable around you, you know? And apparently [[Kacey Phone Call|when you first talked to her, you actually were pretending to be somebody else]], actually. You know, [[Liquid Chris|that other Chris]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well he was, that was another thing. Yeah. All right, yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> She didn't like that much.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> My friend Kim, she helped me, uh, get into that Chris's e-mail account. Before I ever learned about Kacey-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know, that Chris was her boyfriend at the time, you know? I mean, I've actually talked to that guy and met him in person, he's actually a pretty nice kid.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, but if you watch his [[YouTube]] videos he does get a little crazy. But anyway for the past few months now...he was, you know, he was pretending to be me, and a few months ago, he pretends, or I'm assuming he pretends, that he gets kidnapped and tied up, and sent to the desert. And then Kacey tells me that cops ''[incomprehensible]'' in the desert, but I'm going off track here-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That just doesn't make any sense to me. Why would he pretend to be you? Someone like you, guy who lives with his parents.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay. Okay, first off, I'm Internet famous for being the original creator of the, uh...it's like a combination of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and Pikachu [''Kacey's Dad groans''], so I was the original creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. And I created him on March 17, [[2000]], and I drew the [[comic]] books...I originally started that back in 2000, and I've drawn a few books and I'm still doing some drawing, I don't like to leave an unfinished project finished. But-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''Has been trying to interrupt for the last 30 seconds''] Okay, so...you know, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about? I barely know what Sonic the Hedgehog and Pokémon is other than it's kids' stuff. So basically what I'm getting here is you took two kids' things and put them together, you know, two [[Chris and copyright|copyrighted]] kids' things...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> But it's making up a whole new character, and my father has the knowledge with the [[copyrights]] and whatnot, and he verifies for me that I have been in the clear the whole time, from the beginning, to uh, to continue on with Sonichu being m-Sonichu and Rosechu being my original creation. And I create the original stories and everything, and the books, and I've done the [[CWCipedia]], which was originally on the CWC Sonichu site speaking of which, CWC is my name, Christian Weston Chandler. Anyway, I've been going on with that since 2000, uh-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Which means you were 18 when you made this. You were what, a senior in high school? You were playing with kids' stuff? And that's what you've been doing for...what, you know, since then? You're 27 years old? You're playing with kids' stuff? I mean, like, little kids' stuff. I mean, like, ten-year-olds.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, it may sound like that, but in a sense, it was definitely a fad that I was, uh, enjoying, and, uh-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But fads, they come and go.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> -until when I had to like, uh, which was just a year and a half ago, I had to let that go, and I let that go a year and a half ago. But anyway, getting back to, uh...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You said it was popular, still. But you're not making any money off it. You're just doing this while you sit around in your parents' house for no real reason, because like I said, you're not making any money off this, and you still wanna be a boyfriend.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, but, it is a thing I’m doing to make money off of, I could be, it is a thing that I am working on starting to make money off of, I am in talks with the com- comic book company, as well as Nintendo of America, about, uh, you know, about possibly, about the likelihood of me being able to, uh, of, uh, us getting together... making money off of this, cuz, obviously, since 2000 it became more and more popular on the, uh, Internet, and I became Internet famous and, uh, along with a bunch of the fans like that, I was, ah...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Don’t you... don’t you need permission from both [[SEGA]], and [[Nintendo]]? I mean, is that, Sonic is from Sega, right? I mean, I know a little bit about what my daughter was… my little daughter used to talk about... I kinda know what a Sega is, I think.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, yeah, I have talked to Sega as well, but anyway, getting back to, anyway, getting back to, if I may finish... yeah. Anyway, yeah, I got Internet famous, I got the fans, and then I got the naysayers which were the Internet bullies and trolls... and, uh... and uh, that Chris, and uh, Chris over there, was uh, he was one of them, and uh before, and this is, uh before I met Kacey he uh, he started pretending to be me, on the, in YouTube videos. And, uh... <br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This... okay, I’m sorry, this is just getting completely ridiculous, all this Internet, I mean you just, all this Internet stuff, I don’t, I don’t know much about computers, but I mean, that’s just... this sounds like just a whole waste of time, that I don’t care about, because it doesn’t pay the bills, and it DOES NOT help support Ka- my Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I- I- I understand that.<br />
<br />
===Twin Falling Towers and getting fired===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I mean, I was in the MILITARY. I was DOING something. I fought in Desert STORM. I fought against Saddam HUSSEIN. <br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah... okay... you fought in Desert Storm, you fought against Saddam... that’s all good, that’s very good. That’s honorable. That is honorable.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But... and then what- and then YOU, you made this... Son-ni-chu thing. I mean... it’s like... ah, this is, something’s, something’s not right here, you know? But, but, but since you did bring up Youtube, I got, I got kind of an interesting little thing... that I noticed, in one of your recent videos, heh. I mean, I don’t know what exactly you were thinking, with this, um... you know, you did [[Twin Falling Towers|that video with the, ah... 9/11]]. I can’t say I really enjoyed that too much. I mean... that kinda hits... that kinda hits close to home to me, you know, I mean...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I, yeah, I realize, I realize that now, and I have received the complaints so, yeah that’s why I have... I put that...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font>You’re lucky I don’t... you’re lucky I don’t have a Youtube, son. I mean, my... I mean, that hits close to home to me. My MOTHER, Kacey’s grandmother... y’know, she DIED on 9/11. <br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I, um... I’m sorry to hear that. Yeah, and I, uh, I mean, it’s like, I did not mean to hit that, hit that fragile emotion, ah, it was originally, ah, a thing, against a longer, worser- worser Internet [[troll]], who goes by the name of [[Clyde Cash]], whose alias is [[Gregg Mays]], and...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You made a video...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, that’s just a whole nother story, right there. Anyway, I had...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You made a video, basically, just trying to, trying to mess with some... GUY... on the Internet... that makes fun of one of the greatest American tragedies of our lifetime- no, THE Amer- greatest American tragedy of our lifetime.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mm... yes, but, yeah but this guy, uh, he’s done a lot, he’s done a lot of things against me, yeah, on the Internet, trying to... you know... y-yeah, trying to destroy my good name with, uh, a whole bunch of twisted tru- told a whole bunch of twisted truths and phrases, and, words, and, I- that I have said, he just twist them around to- in evil ways and just, like some, and just, try- he’s one of those that just- and trying to slander my good name... And, uh, worse off, and worse off, and worse off, and worse off...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, let me ask you... let me ask you something. Where were you, on 9/11? I mean, they say everybody remembers where they were on 9/11 when they heard that those towers were going down, when a plane had hit those towers, and THOUSANDS of people DIED.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah... I do remember where I was on, uh, 9/11, yeah, I was a, I had just, uh, I was just, uh, let go, from uh, my job at, uh, Wendy’s, it was uh, for, there was some differences between me and my employer, you know, I... [trails off with a faint groan] Yeah, but anyway, <br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Would you like to know where Kacey was? Would you like to know where Kacey was?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, well, okay, well, if I may finish, if I may finish, yeah, I was-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> No. No, I’m sorry. No, no, Kacey was AT Ground Zero. She was giving BLOOD, and plasma, volunteering, and where were you again?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [Pause] Hm. Yeah, I was out shopping with my mom that day. <br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> ...Uh-huh. Really. That’s...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> ...That’s wonderful. Wait a minute, you said Wendy’s before. That... are you changing stories on me? H-have you been, like, changing stories on me through this entire call?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font>No, no I'm not changing-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Are you just making shit up now?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, I am not changing stories, this is the same story, I had just gotten fired from the Wendy's and I was feeling down, and I, I was feeling down...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You'd been FIRED from Wendy's.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. I was, yeah, let go. I was let go from Wendy's, and I was sad, I was sad about that, you know, they gave me...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> WHY?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I told you! It was, it was because of, uh, emotional differences.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Emotional differences. <br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, my, my, my employer, my...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's...this is absolutely nothing, that just sounds like a bunch of bullsheeit.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''heavy sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Also sounds a little GAY. [''Chris stammers, splutters, and sighs in the background''] I mean, what, did the fry cook break up with you or something? I mean, come on.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''short sigh''] No! It was nothing, it was nothing like that! It was a misunderstanding, something...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Why do you sigh so much? That's just irritating.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That was, that was, that was misunderstanding, that was just, there was a whole bunch of misunderstandings between me and my employer, and he, and he has, and he had, and he had, and he had a spike on his shoulder against me. And, and, and, and then, and then that was why he, and then that was why he eventually fired me...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''has been trying to interrupt Chris's stammering for a while''] WHAT KIND OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''long pause''] Like I, like I did, like I did some things that he thought were bad but were, that he thought were bad but were actually good. And then he let, and then he, and then he let me, and then he let me go based on that. Anyway, yeah, I, anyway, this was a couple of days before 9/11 and I was still feeling down from being let go, and then, on 9/11 I was out shopping with my mother that day.<br />
<br />
===Maturity, and chores===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Good god, I mean, you sound like you're just, you sound like you're just some simpering little...your voice is all wavery...good lord. You want to date...YOU? You want to date my daughter? You're not even giving me an ounce of respect now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh come, oh come, oh come on, I grew up a lot, I grew up a lot since then! [''rapidly loses coherence''] I've grown, I've grown up a lot, in sounds, in sounds, duetothegirl, and, sounds strite, sound, in sound mind.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Goddamn. This just sounds like a bunch of fucking whining. You're not even, you don't even sound like half the man that other Chris sounds like at this point. You don't sound like you've grown up. You play fucking Pokeymon all the time!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Chris's dander is up.''] I am, I am, I am a grown-up ''sir''! I have moved, I have moved on from Pokémon years ago! I am a grown-up! I have moved on from the childish things.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> No, you didn't move from...you went from Pokémon to Sonichu. What the fuck? This is still just kid shit. You don't have a job. You're still living with your parents. Almost 30 years old. This is ridiculous. You want to date my daughter. You realize that she's LEAGUES above you right now. She's out of your reach.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Getting a word in edgewise after many stammers''] I have, I have, I have suffered through my own, through my own trials and tribulations that would be war-like. I have suffered through a whole bunch of...enduring physical pains as well. You just could not, you just could not imagine...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''laughing''] Physical pain! [''more laughter''] God, this is...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have, I have worked myself to the bone a lot!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This is ridiculous.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And I have, I have felt heartaches, and I have felt like...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You don't know what physical pain feels like...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have felt like I couldn't move on. But then, but then I still move on.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> ...until you have taken a bullet in the fucking chest. I'm lucky to be alive. My comrade, one of my good buddies, he wasn't so lucky. He died right next to me. I carried him back...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''humbled''] Yeah, well, well, yeah, that is, that was, that was very heroic and I commend you for that good sir.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Sure. Yeah. I'm sure. You don't need to commend me. Now you're just kissing ass.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No! I am not just, I am not kissing ass!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay. Well then. Alright. So really, okay...I have one more question, what do you have to offer my daughter, really? After I've heard all this, what exactly do you have to offer a future med student? She had a good fiancé, and now you think you can take her?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes I could, because I could offer, I can, I can offer her...a whole bunch of support that, that, that, that Chris could not offer. Like I am, I am, I am [[Honest Content|HONEST]]...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really? He's going to be published! He has a job lined up!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Like, I am honest, I am loyal, I am STRONG...good natured...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yeah, but this guy spoke several languages, he had connections in the comic-book industry, this guy could get a job right out of college, and you're mooching off the government, off of ''MY'' tax money! And you want to date my daughter. These two had so much in common, Kacey and Chris. She loved everything about him. And you? You just sit around, play with toys, and what, video games? Is that what you buy with your welfare money? Like Pokeyman shit?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [[Pokéwalker of Fail|I have not played with Pokémon for years]], sir!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, so what do you play with?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hmph.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You denied Pokeyman, but you didn't deny video games.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, yeah, I, okay, I have, I have, I have played some Gui-, I have played some Guitar Hero.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [[Guitar Hero]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What the hell is that?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have to stand, I have to stand up to play, I have to stand up and play gitar.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You have to stand up to play ''gitar''! Oh, wow! That's...why don't you...that's just pathetic. You think that's exercise? Do you play a real guitar? I think the real Chris could play a real guitar.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''indignant''] I work, I work hard for my father in his, in his gar-, in his gar-, in his garden! I pulled weeds! Those weeds are very hard to pull!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Pulled weeds? My grandma pulled weeds! My grandma had arthritis and she pulled weeds every day!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''short sigh''] Well, I'm sorry to hear that your grandma had ar-, had arthritis. But I, but I, I am, I am very strong sir. And I tell you, it was very hard and torturing work to pull, to pull, to, I was working under the hot hot sun, it was, those were very hot days!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you still look like a, I dunno, you look pretty fat to me. I mean, my Kacey, Kacey exercises. And she lost weight, she looks, you know, she looks wonderful. And you? I mean, do you even know...what is the hot sun? I've been in the Middle East. You don't know hot until you've been out in the fuckin' shit.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, yes, okay, yes, I will agree with you that I cannot, I cannot understand heat, truly understand heat, until I'm truly in the middle of a desert. But still, it was, those were very hot days. And I pulled those weeds. And I even, I even, I even placed lumber around the edges of that garden, and I hammered labels of those flowers, and my, that my, that my father hand-wrote accurately, and figured, and, pat out the, and he showed me where to place them, I even helped him a little bit with placing them. And I placed, I hammered those labels hard into those pieces of lumber.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's, that just sounds like basic chores. Lumber, pulling weeds, on a good day I had to do 200 push-ups. And I saw [[30 Push-Ups|those push-ups you did]], whatever you call them. Push-ups? That's not push-ups. That was, I dunno, you looked like you were flopping around like a.... fish. Actually kinda looked like you were humping the floor or something.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''unfazed''] I even mowed the lawn!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Mowed the lawn! [''laughs''] Wow.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, and again, those were very hot days, too. And sometimes the lawnmower would quit on me! And I'd have to practically kick-start it, with my foot, I had to kick it to start it up again!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know, I see seven-year-olds who mow lawns all day for a summer job. All day. All summer. They do it just, they handle it just fine, why can't you? Oh, yeah, and they get paid for it, might I add.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Getting very angry at this point'']Yeah, well, I was not, well, I was not paid for mowing the lawn. And also, you know what? Another heavy-duty burden I had to take care of, and that I wasn't paid for? When [[Patti Chandler|my dog]] died, a few years ago, she was a sweet dog, I moved, I lifted and carried her doghouse to the site where we buried her. Her doghouse. That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''laughs in disbelief'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It was very heavy! I carried that thing.<br />
<br />
===Death and fake Internet women===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''Matt is about to break down laughing.''] You're talking to me about how your dog died, you're talking about someone who has lost friends and family in national tragedies. My mother, I had...I had to deal with the loss of my mother, not to old age, but to...fucking...a plane by fucking...piloted by terrorists. My gran-, my mother was killed by terrorists.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. Yeah, my...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And your...but, but your heavy burden is your dog died. I'm sorry, but boo, really, I've had dogs die, it sucks, but that's nothing... that's nothing...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Y'know, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well, I was very sad when she died. It was not a matter of age, it was pretty much, yeah, she was very sickly, there was nothing we could do, so I, I signed that form to give them permission to put her to sleep. I let her, I let her go, that was an emotional burden on me. And I have, I have been, my aunt Corrina died just a few months, just a few months, just last January, because of, because of heart cancer.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''laughs in disbelief''] Are you, are you...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It was very, it was very saddening, I was very...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I'm sorry, are you messing with me? Are you trying to compare the loss of my mother, the loss of someone who took care of me for years, to a dog? Are you calling my mother a dog?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am not calling your mother a dog.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''[[stress sigh]] of his own''] I had to dig my mother out of the rubble of the Twin Towers. I mean, and you had to lift a doghouse.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I'll tell you, that doghouse was heavier than any tombstone. And that doghouse pretty much was the tombstone!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Sounds like you're fucking with me now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am not! I am being very HONEST with you sir! I'm telling you the honest truth from my, from my sound mind and my sound heart.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I'm starting to, I'm starting to really kinda doubt this whole honesty thing you keep talking about. How do you think, how do you think Kacey would feel if I told her about this? What do you think, how do you think she would feel about you comparing this whole lifting a 30-, 50-pound doghouse to maybe a 100-, 200-pound tombstone? That doghouse was probably, what, made of wood? This is solid rock!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, it was, it was, no, I mean, yeah, this is, it was wood ''and'' plastic, that thing had to weigh over a hundred pounds!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Plastic's pretty light, you know. I'm sorry, this is, this isn't even close to the same.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''heavy sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And that's just, that's just that...you know, if you had told this to Kacey, she would probably be, she would be so angry. You're just totally grasping at [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|straws]] at this point.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''mutters under his breath''] Yeah, well, also I've been to a whole bunch of this, also, to go off talk, off-topic a bit, or going back to an old topic, that I have been DECEIVED BY THE TROLLS! A bunch of them pretending to be women who I thought were honest over the Internet when I was talking to them for the first time for a while!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> WHO GIVES A SHIT about the Internet?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And some, and some of them, and some of them were actually, and some of them were actually two honest women...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> BE A MAN...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And those [[PandaHalo|two]] [[Ivy|women]] died! I was very, I was very heartbroken by that! And yet I was even more heartbroken when I found out that...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I, I...I may not admit, okay, well, yes...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Wait, wait, didn't you say, fake women? Did you say that these women were fake? So wait, these women were probably fake...fake women died?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''in a state of great consternation''] I didn't, I didn't...no! I'm talking about, no, two of them, a coup-, a few of them were real women.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And how many of these women have you gone through?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have not been able to go to them. But one, there was this [[Julie|one time]] where I actually thought it was a woman, and I actually drove a whole, a whole, a whole day's worth back and forth, almost 24 hours, from my house to Cleveland, Ohio, where it turned out that was, that was, that was a bad lead. I drove a whole, I drove a whole, almost 20, I drove from five in the morning to 12 o'clock, to about, just after about, after midnight. To find out that the destination was a bad one, and that was, that was an imposterous troll.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So you went to go to...Ohio, for a fake woman, but my Kacey just told me that you won't go and visit her, a real woman?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I, I, I, I...[''angry, incoherent stammering'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I am looking at Kacey right ''now''.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> But you're in...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You wouldn't even go to D.C., that's like two hours away. And you've met her before, for God's sake?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I mean, I was more naïve, I was more naïve back then, but I am very less naïve now. I have been very less naïve for about, for about a year now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I am not convinced.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''He's snapping.''] OH COME ON. YOU SHOULD BE CONVINCED!<br />
<br />
===The maggot manchild and shit starts to hit the fan===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''Laughing with frustration''] "Oh come on"? You know who, you know who you're talking to, son? What the fuck is this? Now you're just talking back to me like a little kid. Don't yell at me, you maggot! Piece of shit.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, yeah, you, you're obviously talking to me like, as if I was a child. And I am not a child.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Because you are a child, you're acting like a child.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am not a child, I am a MAN. I am a STRONG MAN. I have been through a whole bunch of emotional and physical traumas in my life!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You haven't proven a thing to me, you've shown me nothing that could even possibly suggest that you are a man.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, sometimes my memory fails me!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You're just sitting around in your parents' house, crying about your little dog, playing video games, whining about women on the Internet. Some lazy little maggot...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Full-blown tard rage erupts.''] I AM NOT, I AM NOT LAZY!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You're living with your parents and you don't have a job, how is that not lazy?!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, maybe I, maybe I don't have a job, but I do work around the house! I lift a whole bunch of...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Chores! I do those every day, and I'm retired!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> They're not just chores! They're not just chores.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yes-they-are! EVERYONE works around the house.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Maybe everyone works around the house, but they don't, they differ from burden to burden to... [''stress sigh''] ...heavy weights! I mean...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I've seen, you know, I was looking around that YouTube, I saw [[Tour of Chris's House|a video of your house]]. It's a FUCKING MESS! You call that working around the house? Are you trying to be, and you're trying to be some kind of house-husband or something?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, most of that mess belongs to my mother and I can't really, I can't really organize it without her being able to help me, without her being able to point out where to put everything!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Oh, it's your mom's fault. That's real mature.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> She's a, well, okay, yeah, I admit, she's a bit of a pack rat. And since she retired from secretarial work, she's been more lazy, I'll admit that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But your room is a mess, too. What do you have to say about that? I mean, this is nothing. At this rate...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''On the edge of tears''] It may be nothing, it may be, it may be nothing...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You're a pack rat too.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am not a, I am not that bad of a pack rat. I mean, I even brought, I even brought a bunch, I even brought practically all that stuff into the house. And I had to bring in a couch and I had to bring in the hutch, among other pieces of furniture, among the smaller pieces of stuff, smaller bunches of junk that my mom got! That's a lot, that's a lot of heavy lifting. And it was very hard.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Who doesn't have to push furniture? All this stuff you're talking about, these heavy burdens sound like stuff everybody has to do at least at some point. This is nothing, this is just regular, everyday housework. This isn't real work. This is chores.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I...oh! And you don't think...!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This is kids' stuff.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh, and you don't think carrying your soldier friend on your back was a heavy burden? That was a heavy burden?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What...what the fu...are you mocking me?!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am not mocking you!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Is this...are you comparing...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm just, I'm just pointing out, I'm just pointing out that what you did was a heavy burden under...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't know even know what to say to this!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I mean, that is, yeah, that is a heavy burden because you were fighting to save, you were fighting to save your friend's life...<br />
<br />
===Kacey returns===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Kacey, c'mon, come over here. You gotta listen to this guy. This is great.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Oh, what's up, daddy?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What is...I mean...this guy is just fucking with me...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Daddy, you sound mad, what's wrong?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This guy's just fucking with me, he's not even, he's not even respecting me at all. He's a disrespectful...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> What, he's disrespecting you? What is he doing?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't know, he's just talking about all this faggot kiddie shit. How he has to move chairs and do, oh no, housework! And he's comparing that to when your grandma died.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> He's WHAT?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yeah. I mean, he's talking about all these "heavy burdens" he's had to face, you know, saying it's a heavy burden, kind of like...of course, you remember when we lost grandma...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Oh my God, I know, I had to volunteer just to get my mind off it...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This guy has nothing to offer you.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''He's still combative.''] I have a lot to offer her!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have plenty to offer her!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Like what?!<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Don't yell at my father like that! You need to respect him, he's a retired Marine!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''sigh''] I do respect your father, Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Well, you need to be nice to him! What are you going to do if he doesn't like you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''another sigh''] I mean, I want, I was being nice to him, but then he started to insult me, he was talking down to me like as if I was a child, when I'm an adult.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I already don't like...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Chris! He's way older than you! He's your elder! To him, you are a child! I'm a child to him!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, well, I guess in compar-, I guess in comparison, yeah, that is true. But I just don't like being talked, I just feel, I just basically, just turns me off when I'm talked down to and such. I mean, I have to put up with my father talking down to me and such, and he starts more arguments than there are flies in the garbage dump!<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Okay, but my father doesn't get angry easily.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''heavy sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> You can't act like a child like that! He is your elder! You're trying to ask him PERMISSION.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> What are you doing?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well...yeah...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Apologize!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah... [''heavy sigh''] Yeah. [''more sighing''] I apologize, Matthew. I apologize for talking back to you. I just got, I got, I got carried away. Especially from feeling like I was being talked down to. Mm...I mean, surely, yeah, you can understand that, I'm sure your father talked down to you, you, even when you were about my age. And I do not mean to insult you or your father, I just felt like it was a fair compar-, I just felt like it was a good comparison there, but anyway. I apologize for yelling at you, and raising my voice.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't even know how you think you can call me by my name right now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't believe a goddamn word you just said. I'm sorry. No, I'm not sorry, actually.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well...believe it or not, it is the whole, honest truth, that I have been telling you this whole time.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Honest. [''snort''] If that's the truth, I'm afraid to say you're pretty fucked. You're just using people from the Internet as scapegoats for your problems. And you were lying when you first met Kacey. That's what I've gotten about this. You...are not good enough for my daughter. Chris, on the other hand, has my blessing.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''massive stress sigh'']<br />
===Literature and health===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And if the Internet is such a problem for you, I mean, just get rid of it. What do you have to do? Just call up whoever it is, AOL, whatever it is you use, just call 'em and say "I don't want the Internet anymore." That's all you have to do. You don't need it for anything. Go to a library!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I have a bunch...yeah, well, I have a bunch of ties on the Internet and for your information I do go to libraries. I read a lot of books.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really? What was the last book you read?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> {{anchor|Mockingbird}}The last book I read... was ''[[Wikipedia:To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]''.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's high-school shit.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You call this high-school, I call it adult, I call it...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Kacey read that in high school, Kacey read that as a freshman in high school.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I call it adult drama.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> An adult drama.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. It was very dramatic, and I felt for the characters in that, in that story, just like I feel for every character, all the characters in the stor-, in the stories that I have read, throughout my whole life.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So what exactly did you learn from this book?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''long pause''] I... have... learned... that I have to be able to cope and be patient with, with a, with everybody who makes, a whole lot of people that may appear to be impatient or that could be hard to put up with. Like George had to put up with Lenny throughout the story. I mean, I'd say that's...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's ''[[Wikipedia:Of Mice and Men|Of Mice and Men]]''.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh, I'm sorry, I'm getting my stories mixed up. Yeah. Yeah. ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yeeeaaaaah... did you even read this book?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes I did! The dramatic story, the story about that girl who was living with her family throughout the Depression and there was that guy in the store who was nice enough to leave her gifts in the tree trunk. That was like, that was definitely a story of, like, definitely, you know, be kind to your neighbor and they'll, and they'll, and they'll be kind to you. That's still another kind of, another, it's another story where you have to learn to be patient...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That doesn't sound like the American classic that I know. I'm sorry. This is... just sounds like a bunch of horseshit. Do you remember the court scene?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry, the what?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> The court scene in the book? That was pretty big, it was a pretty major part of the book. Do you even remember who [[Wikipedia:Atticus Finch|Atticus Finch]] was? That was probably the pivotal moment of the book.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Atticus... hm... Atticus... hm, I do believe that was the lawyer in that story.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yesss... man, you call yourself smart? You aren't smart enough for Kacey. When did you read this?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I... I've read it, about a month ago.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> A month ago.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Rage button pushed''] Stuff... candy... don't... I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! sI tuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Wooooowww! [''laughs''] What the fuck are you talking about? I mean, I don't even know what the hell...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I eat and drink healthy.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you look like that. You don't even know what I just said, do you? You completely missed that I was, that little analogy back there.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, no, I...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Kacey says you eat [[McDonald's]]. You say you eat healthy, but you eat at McDonald's?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have a, I have salads over at McDonald's. And I drink the lemonade over there.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That lemonade is full of sugar. You know, [[Liquid|Chris]] is, Chris is fit, I've seen that man, he has rock-hard abs. That guy makes a Marine proud. And he can cook, he doesn't go to McDonald's because he doesn't need to.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I can cook too! And sometimes I do cook!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know, he and Kacey like to go running together. Why don't you go running with Kacey, rather than sitting around eating fast food all day?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do go out, I do go out for jogs, sir. I do go out jogging. And if Kacey was here I would be happy to go jogging with her. Or even running, I'd be happy to do that as well.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You think you could do five miles like Kacey and Chris do? Five miles?<br />
<br />
[[Image:208x228 Advice-CWC-I-JOG-FIVE-MILES-A-DAY.jpg|thumb|Yep!]]<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yep!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's a brisk jog.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes, I could do five miles with Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Someone who looks like you can run five miles? I'm sorry, that's bullshit.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You're...[''angry sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You look like you couldn't even do five seconds running. In fact, I was watching, I was watching those push-ups, you got winded after... that was thirty seconds of push-ups and you were sweating like a pig.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''indignant''] Well, wouldn't you sweat?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't...with that much...? Fuck, that's nothing.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> WARRIORS, WARRIORS...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I'm a Marine. Not after... a few push-ups like that? That's nothing. Okay, but... how much and how often do you jog? I sweat maybe... maybe after, I don't know, ten miles on a hot day.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have been jogging for about fifteen minutes on a daily basis.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Fifteen minutes. So you go...you go, what, a quarter of a mile and you call it quits? That's pussy shit. And that's just jogging. Kacey could run, Kacey runs for at least an hour.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, that's good.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Five miles is like a two-hour jog, you know.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I have a, I have a whole bunch of potential, I can run five miles with Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I would love to see that. I mean, why don't you? You can't... you say you could. You're just saying you have potential. That doesn't sell me. You can't sell me with "potential." Why don't you run five miles, and maybe, maybe I'll think otherwise.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It would be hard to video, to video-record five mile running. But I can run five miles, with Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You can?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes, I can! And I will the first chance I get!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But why with Kacey, though, why can't you just do it on your own? You have a camera, don't you? It wouldn't be so hard to just hold a camera and run, would it? That's easily, easily do-able.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Why don't you just figure out how to do that? You said you're good with computers. I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a [[Wikipedia:Microsoft Windows|Windows]] is.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You barely know what a Windows is?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Don't...[''sputters'']... don't patronize me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that. I could figure out how to hold a camera and fuckin' run for five miles. That's...how could you not figure out how to do that?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, think about this, do you think the batteries would be able to last five miles?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Running? Shit. You're running, you're not jogging, it's not gonna take two hours.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, still, yeah, well... yeah, well, I can't...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Besides, think of it as a time limit of some sort, you know? You gotta run fast enough so you can get all of it in before the batteries run out. That would take like... half an hour at most. Batteries last that long.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Alright, so a half hour running? I'll be happy to do a half hour of running with my digital camera.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''laughs''] Fine. Show me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Alright, I will.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Until then, until then, you are not good enough for Kacey. You are just a maggot.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well. You may call me a maggot, but I'm a pretty dang strong one.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I'm gonna go talk to Kacey, I gotta tell her, you do not deserve Kacey. Kacey lifts more than you, how does that feel? The strong man outdone by a woman.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well I may not feel pleasant, if that was the case, then I could not say I did not try.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''laughs'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> But I...<br />
===Liquid Chris and minimum wage jobs===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> While you're at it, you don't, you don't try, if you had tried you would have gotten out of your house, you would have gotten a job, you would have... you would be like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''long pause''] Yeah, well, I am much stronger and I am much better than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't think so.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh, yes I am!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But why don't you have, you don't have a job! You're not stronger than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]], you're not smarter than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am stronger and I am smarter than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]]!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You're not living on your own. How can you even say that? And he's younger than you!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I say that because it's true.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't think so.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You do not think so...you may not think so...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I was so happy, when Kacey said she was going to marry [[Liquid Chris|Chris]]. But then, I don't know, he vanished or something, I don't know what happened...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, that would be the point where he made his video on [[YouTube]] where he pretended he was being kidnapped and then that's where he hid away for a number of, for a few months.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yeah, and that devastated her. You don't know how much she missed him.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do, I do, because she has shared that with me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I mean, I would much rather believe him...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> She has shared that with me and I have comforted the her. I have emotionally supported her.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't think she... she wasn't nearly that, I don't think she was nearly as happy as when the police finally called her about that. I think you're just trying to get, I think you're just trying to get my little Kacey for a booty call.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Believe me sir, it would not just be for a booty call, it would be for a strong relationship with all the loyalty and trust and honesty that a woman can ever want. [''shifts to a momentous tone, half under his breath''] EVER.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966"> '''Dad:'''</font> But you can't even move out. She needs a man, a man who can support himself and keep a job. You got fired from [[Wendy's]], most people quit because it sucks. You got FIRED. You weren't GOOD ENOUGH for Wendy's. What are you gonna do, what are you gonna do if she gets pregnant and she can't work?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> If she gets pregnant and can't work, then I would be working. I would be working VERY HARD AND HEAVILY.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What kind of job?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> If I have to I would be, get one of the heavyweights, that just moves the boxes around the, stock the shelves at a grocery store. At the least. If not better.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That makes minimum wage at best. That's not a real job. You know how much minimum wage is?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> At the current rate, it's about $8 an hour.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's not good enough! Get a good job! You can't live off that! Especially after taxes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I can get a good job, and I will.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> If you want to do lifting, you go work in a warehouse or something. And last I checked, minimum wage was $7.25.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''takes a contemptuous tone''] Huh! You must have checked, no offense, but you must have checked like five years ago. [''In fact, [[Wikipedia:List of U.S. minimum wages|Matt is correct]].'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And how would you know? You don't have a job!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Because it was over five years ago, I was working for that minimum wage, and that was $7.50.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That wasn't minimum wage.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes it was. And that was back at Wa-Wendy's!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know you can get paid more at jobs than minimum wage? I just looked it up right now, it says $7.25.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hm. Maybe that's average minimum wage.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Don't lie to me. Look...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am not lying to you.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Kacey, come on, Kacey, come over here, listen to this horseshit, ''listen to this horseshit''.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''heavy sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> What's wrong now, Daddy?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What's this he's talking about... minimum wage is $7.25, right?<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Yeah. It went up in July, I remember because it was around my birthday.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This guy's lying again. Why is it...I'm looking right here on this webpage, that's exactly what it says.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Yeah, it happened on July 24, that was like...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Why does this guy keep lying to me? How do I know that anything he says is true?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I stand corrected! I stand corrected. On current minimum wage.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Don't argue with me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Alright.<br />
===Respect and listening skills===<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Is he being disrespectful again, Daddy?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> He's always been... he's been disrespectful this whole time.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''heavy sigh''] I have not been lying!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> When Kacey says it, when Kacey says it you believe it now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> I just don't understand.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't understand either.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I can't say I'm in full understanding either. <br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> That doesn't even make sense. Like, I shouldn't have to pick up the other line and have to hear this. I mean, what are you doing, are you trying to sabotage this?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No. Just, throughout, throughout this whole conversation I have been telling the [[True and honest|honest truth]], from memory. As far as I know.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Okay, but this doesn't make sense. Like, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] charmed my dad within five minutes. Why are you still fighting with him? Why are you lying to my father?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have not been lying to your father. I have been telling him the truth throughout my best and honest knowledge. From my heart and from my head.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> What are you wanting me to think, that you're dumb or something?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I...wh...no. [''pause''] I, I...[''drowned out by Kacey'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Well, then what's going on?! Why does my dad look so upset? I haven't seem him this upset in a long time.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I can't read, I cannot read his mind, so...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Well, no, no-one expects you to, but you could be respectful to him.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, um, I mean, yeah, I was doing my best to be respectful. But then...and then he started, he started...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> My Dad is not going to lie to me, and obviously whenever I get on the phone you're calm and everything, so is something going on when I'm not on the phone? Like are you being two-faced?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation. I swear, hand to [[God]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> You shouldn't do that, we don't swear to God, and my dad wouldn't lie to me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> One-faced side of bullshit.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, he's been contradicting me, and talking to me in a negative way...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Okay, you guys, I'm going to go. Talk nice.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have been, I have been, I was talking nice. And then he started contradicting me with those words, like, yeah, and, uh, hm, and put, and putting me down, like even call, even call, even calling me a pussy, or, among other things. And then that, and then that just...grinded my gears.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know, Kacey is gone. She's not listening right now. She didn't hear anything you just said.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''heavy sigh'']<br />
<br />
'''Portal Turret:''' Target lost.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Stop [[sigh]]ing so much.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I'm speechless at the moment.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Didn't you just hear, she... hear her say she was getting off?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Uhh...hear her say she was getting off?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Do you pay attention to anything? Ever? To the words that I am saying?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I, I'm, I do pay attention. But I, I did not hear "I'm getting off."<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This is... this, do you even listen to her at all? How can you be a good boyfriend? You don't listen to anything.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I, I do, I do listen! And I, and ob-, obviously, she must have said it in a quiet tone, because I did not hear it. [''Actually Chris was talking over her at the time, but never mind.'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But this is... she was pretty upset. She wasn't that quiet.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> W... well, I'm sorry she's upset.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And now, what I'm saying right now, is that before you can say you are better than Chris, you need to get a job, you need to move out from your parents, you need to be independent. You need to show me that you're a man. And you... you also have to have the ability to not lie to me. I'm getting all tongue-tied, because...just...you don't know how frustrating this is. I mean, I haven't done that in years.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes, I agree with you, this is frustrating.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you are lucky her mother isn't here.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And I pro-, and I send... I promise you. I have not been lying.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> How is this, how is this frustrating to you? You sound like you just have the easiest life in the world.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Because, because, because, because you're, because you're frustrated, and your frustration is reflecting onto me and it's making me feel frustrated. It's making me feel frustrated.<br />
<br />
===Chris's pathetic life and diseased ticker===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You sit around...what are you going to do after this? You're gonna go home, you're gonna go play [[video games]] again or something?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Nobody can get you to do anything. Play your [[Pokemon|Pokeymans]], watch [[TV]]. Sleep. Eat [[McDonald's]]. That's, that's your life.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That is not my life.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Isn't it?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It's a lot, it's a lot more than that. I do a lot more than...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Oh, yeah, I forgot, you do chores, too.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> See, this, you know, this is why I was talking to Kacey about...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You talk and you get angry at people on the Internet who you've never seen before.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, see, right now you're just...you're just saying some, saying some of the things that sit aside from the good for me, honest, from, aside from the good things, yeah, everything I've said, I have been, I have been very honest about, and you're just taking the bad pieces that can, you're just taking some of that honesty and you're just reflecting it onto me and, you're just making it sound bad. Like it's a bad thing. And that makes me feel bad.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> It IS a bad thing. What good qualities do you have that aren't LIES? You started this whole relationship on a lie. My daughter doesn't deserve that. And now you're blaming me for all this that's going on.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, fuck it, I'm gonna, could you just, look, okay, well, you did not let me say that...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You just met me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, okay, well, I'm talking to you over the phone, that is [''dissolves into gibberish momentarily'']...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You don't...it just sounds like you don't want to admit any of your faults. You just...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am, I am happy to admit my faults.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes. Okay, well, for one, sometimes, I don't think things through and I make, end up in the decision I thought was good at first may end up being the bad decision. <br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> O... kay?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> But yeah, I have been improving on that and thinking things through fully. Making sure that...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Everyone does that, everyone, you know, makes a mistake every now and then. Okay?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Let's start with something easy. Let's tell me...tell me...how about you admit that you're, well, okay, I'll just say it. [[FAT]]. And lazy.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> {{anchor|Buddha belly}}Okay, well, I admit I do have a Buddha belly, but I am not lazy, I do get out and about, I exercise, I jog and work out, and I eat healthy.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Doesn't show at all. How often do you watch TV? And you said you jog for fifteen minutes. That's... that's not gonna burn calories.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I'm working up to thirty minutes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Thirty minutes. And compared to...how does this compare to how much TV you watch?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> For your information, I watch only about four hours of television.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Four hours of television.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> In a day.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> A day. That... I don't think that's true. That just doesn't sound, you kinda paused right there? You sound like you actually had to think about it for a second. I don't think that's true.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, when I had to count it up, I did have to think about it. But yes, it is true, I watch four hours of television in a day.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Four hours, that's still quite a bit, hasn't Kacey told you anything about how important it is to take care of yourself?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes, we have, we have talked about that. And I have listened to her about that, and I have been taking the appropriate steps and abiding with her words in mind and heeding her advice as such.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really...because she's still pretty worried about you, she says. She think something's gonna happen to you, you know. She thinks it's not looking good. And didn't she, she told me you were on [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]]?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hmm.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I mean, I know about that stuff. That's something people my age take. I don't take it myself, but I know people who do.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, for your information, my doctor got me off, took me off [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]] a couple of months ago.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I still don't think you...you still don't sound like you're terribly healthy. Okay, watching TV aside, and you play video games, how long do you do that a day, huh? I mean, with how much you sit around, your metabolism must not be so hot.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> How long... do I sit around? I would not say that I sit around that much. I would say...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And play... okay, how much do you play video games?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> About two hours in a day.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Two hours a day.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, so that's at least six hours you spend sitting around doing absolutely nothing in your room. That's a quarter of a day. In six hours you could have worked a part-time job.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I, but, the time I do not spend in front of the television is the time I spend exercising. That's about half of the day.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You do not spend half of a day exercising. If you spent half a day exercising, you would have at least lost that little [[Wikipedia:Budai|Buddha belly]] and those man-tits of yours.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, now I'm feeling insulted with those, with what you just said there.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you just told me fifteen minutes, so you're lying again.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, maybe, yeah, well, fifteen minutes jogging, upon the pacing of the spacing of the jogging.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, so you don't even run fifteen minutes altogether, at one time?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It's fifteen, they're, fifteen minutes, they're fifteen-minute intervals, like I do fifteen minutes in one hour, then the next hour I do another fifteen minutes of jogging.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But that doesn't help you at all. All that...that means there's 45 minutes of you doing nothing every hour. By then your heart rate has gone down, the exercise is gonna do nothing for you.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> My heart rate has been, has been good.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''chuckles'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I can guarantee that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Do you even know what you're talking about?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes, I do, I am talking...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Do you even know how to check your heart rate?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes I do.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, how?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I put my fingers on my pulse, count the number of beats through ten seconds, and then I multiply by six. That's, that's...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Where do you check for your pulse?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Put two fingers on my wrist or on my neck. Or put it on my chest where my heart is.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, so what's a good heart rate for you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> About seventy-two beats per minute.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Seventy-two beats per minute.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> To about a hundred beats per minute.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Uh-huh. So what's your heart rate right now?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Alright... [''long silence''] Alright, let me find that...yeah. It's approximately, it is approximately eighty-four right now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Eighty-four from just sitting around?<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I've been listening. Chris, that's a serious medical condition. What are you talking about? Normally your heart doesn't beat that fast unless you've done exercise.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hm.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> That's like [[Wikipedia:arrhythmia|arrhythmia]] or [[Wikipedia:tachycardia|tachycardia]]. What are you doing?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, right, you know, well, I did get a little bit of [[stress]] from some of the conversation.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Stress doesn't do that. That's like a serious medical condition. And I heard you talk to my dad, you don't listen to anything I say when I worry about you. You still go to [[McDonald's]], and I told you those salads aren't healthy. I bet you haven't even lost one pound. Don't you care that I think you're gonna die? [''Chris stammers briefly in response''] That you're probably going to lose motion in your body if you don't exercise enough? This is important to me!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. It is.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> What're you going to do? You're gonna die before you're thirty.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''pause''] Hm. [''pause, then sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Hmph.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> If anything, that means you have way too much caffeine in your system. If you have something that high. That's either, you can get that from smoking, from too much fat, from too much caffeine...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hm. Yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> [''Her voice breaks, on the verge of crying.''] It's like you don't even care! Dad was right, you are being disrespectful!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Attempting to sound empathetic''] Kacey, I do care. [''sigh''] Even though, even though it may not, even though it may shot 'n I've shot, I do care. Believe me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Yeah. Because it's that hard for you to stop going to McDonald's. But you've still been going. Right?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have been going less.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> It's not like I didn't... less is not none! Fast food is bad! Period at the end!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''On the defensive''] Yeah, but that was like once a week! Once in a week!<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Once a week is bad! Don't eat any! None!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Alright, I won't go there anymore. I won't go [[McDonald's]] anymore.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Or any fast food!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Alright. I will not go to any fast food, I...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Whatever. It's not like you haven't lied to me before. You're just probably lying to me now. Dad, I can't deal with this anymore...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'M NOT LYING TO YOU! I promise you! I promise you! I promise you, Kacey. I promise you.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> She's gone again.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''stress sigh'']<br />
===Chris blows it, but he's an American!===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> She was pretty, ah...let's say you just blew it, man. She was, she was crying right there. You just fuckin' blew it. Big-time.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''deep sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I just heard the door slam. I wouldn't be surprised if she goes and calls Chris.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hmph. Well...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What do you have to say for yourself? [''Long silence ensues'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, all I can say is...that's your opinion, and you have every right to your own opinion.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> It's not my opinion. It just happened. What the hell are you talking about? I'm talking about facts.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, you're talking about, yes you are talking about facts, but you have expressed a whole bunch of your own opinions about what you've heard from me the whole conversation.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And that's all you have to say about the fact that you just upset my daughter? What are you...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That's my response, that's my response about you, but as for Kacey, you know, I just feel, I just feel very sad for her.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't care what you have to say about me. This is about, you should care about Kacey, not me! You have to do something big.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I care about Kacey. I really, truly do.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay. But if you want my opinion right now, I think you should stay away from my daughter. Unless you really, REALLY turn around your life. You're not even close to Chris right now. You have to do something big to get her back. You have to get a job, at the very least. Lose, I dunno, 50 pounds. Move out. Then I might consider you, MAYBE.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you have to keep your promises, because she says you never do.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do keep my promises.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And I think she should be with [[Liquid Chris|her real fiancé]] right now. [''Long silence''] I mean, he treats her like a princess. You treat her like... a set of tits and ass.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, I treat her like a princess as well. I treat her, more importantly... as a friend... a true friend, a good friend...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That doesn't sound like it at all.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You don't know. I mean...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I do know. Because she talks to me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, well... points of view.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I can't even stand your voice. So whiny, all this sighing, it's like a baby. You'll never be as good as Chris at this rate.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am a lot better than Chris. Belieeeeeeeeve me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You're not even a functioning human. You're leeching off my government.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have a functioning image...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I met Chris in real life, he's an upstanding young man. How are you better than this?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I... am an [[American]]! I am proud to be an American and [[I am STRONG]]. I am an individual...<br />
<br />
[''Portal'' can again be heard faintly in the background]<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Don't tell, don't tell me you're an American.<br />
<br />
[Portal can again be heard]<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I was born in America, I was raised in America my whole life, I never left the United States of America.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You can't tell me you're patriotic...if you were patriotic you wouldn't even have thought about making that video, [[Twin Falling Towers|that 9/11 video]]. I still can't believe why you made that. It doesn't matter. You don't... do that! You're not acting like a patriot, you're acting more like a terrorist.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression. At least I, at least I was man enough to admit I was wrong and I am, I did my best to undo the mistake by deleting my video, and making the apology.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know, Chris and Kacey are Americans too. And "sorry" doesn't undo the fact that you made that video.<br />
<br />
===Chris's love and memory===<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It may not, but at least I admitted I was wrong. And it takes a man to admit when he is wrong.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you still made it. You... you're not a man. Stop trying to call yourself a man. I mean, it takes a real man to change, and you haven't.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do change my habits. I have been changing my habits. And I have been better from the habits I have changed.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's a lie. You haven't done shit.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I...I have done a lot more than you can, than you are thinking right now. Or that you could ever think at this moment.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You said you stopped at a McDonald's, and you didn't... that's such a simple little thing, and you still lied about it. You can't stop eating fast food. What makes you think you can turn around and get a job and stop leeching off the government? And stop lying to Kacey?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''pauses''] Because... I am me, I have faith in me, and I am strong within myself.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I bet you don't even love Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do love Kacey!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I bet if Kacey left you right now, right this very moment, you would...you'd probably cry, for maybe just a couple seconds, then you'd go out and find another girl on the Internet.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [[The Wallflower|No!]]<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Wouldn't you? And even if you do love Kacey, you don't love Kacey nearly as much as Chris loves Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do love Kacey, truly and deeply. And I care about her, about that much, probably more.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And so does Chris, and he can prove it, so why don't you? You can't even stop eating McDonald's for her.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''pauses''] I can so prove it, and I will.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> God. You know, he knows her favorite color, and her favorite flower. I'm sure you don't.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Her favorite color is "tarquoise".<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Turquoise? That's... that's wrong.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It's a blue-green shade. ''[Chris is correct here, at least. On his [http://pastebin.com/8FxWDZq6 creepy date] with Kacey, she said her favorite color was [[Wikipedia:Teal (color)|teal]].]''<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, favorite flower.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''sigh''] I cannot say that I, I cannot say that I remember her favorite flower at the moment.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Aha. Really.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It could have been maybe because she did not mention her favorite flower yet. But she did tell me her favorite color. It was a shade, it was a blue-green shade. So turquoise is ''close''.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Can you remember anything? Okay, I bet you don't even remember some of the stuff I just said today. You probably don't even remember who in my family dies in 9/11, do you? I just said that, what, half an hour ago?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You, you said that your daughter, that your daughter was giving blood in New York, right by the 9/11 site.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, but who DIED, who of my family died in 9/11?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> The grandma.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> My grandma?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Her grandmother.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Who is?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You did not mention her name.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> No... [''exasperated sigh''] ... no, okay, her grandmother, who is...?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Your mother.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> How long did that just take you? Good boy! God, this is just like talking to a preschooler.<br />
<br />
===Matthew crosses the line and Chris's reaction time===<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry, talking to a what?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> A preschooler. God. This is... man. You can't have Kacey, with this kind of, this is just ridiculous. I can't believe I'm talking to someone who's so... [[naïve]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''angry intake of breath''] You just crossed a line. You just crossed a line. By saying the word "naïve." That is like the worst insult to me...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What line?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> A line. You crossed the line. You've just... you just really ticked me off right there when you said that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What're you gonna do about it?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Nothing at the moment.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> "Nothing at the moment"?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Because I can't really do anything, I'm not right there in front of you, now, am I? I'm talking to you over the phone. The only thing I could do right now is let you know that you just crossed a line. By saying that word.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Are you... wait, wait, wait a minute, are you trying to threaten me? You trying to threaten an ex-Marine?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, I... no, I am not threatening you, I am not threatening you. I am in no position to threaten an ex-Marine. And I understand that, and I respect you as such.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, so what are you saying? I could whoop your naïve little ass with my pinky if I wanted to. Kacey could whoop your ass! I'm surprised she hasn't already.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well. I would be able to defend myself.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So you would hit Kacey?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, I would not hit Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Have you ever defended yourself?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have defended myself.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''exhales in disbelief''] I'm sure that was something to see. Have you... I mean, I'm sure, I can see what would just happen. She'd probably try to throw a punch and you'd just bounce her off with your Buddha belly. Or so you call it.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I would either step to one side or block it with an arm!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''laughs''] That little limp-wristed twig of yours? You're pretty big, but you've got some pretty scrawny arms. And you're a pretty big target, she'd be...pretty hard to miss you. I've seen her punches.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't think you'd be able to react fast enough.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, you have not seen how I can, how fast I can react.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You can't even react fast enough to what I'm saying.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Because I'd like to spellcheck, and make sure I'm not making any mistakes. Make sure that my mind and my mouth are in sync.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Making... mistakes...?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> My mouth does not go faster than my mind.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What are you even...?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That's another, that is another one of my flaws, I am willing to admit. Sometimes my mouth goes faster than my brain.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Well, I bet that's not the only thing that goes faster than your brain. Are you trying to say you're some kind of computer or something? But this is, you're getting completely off the point. So tell me why, exactly, you aren't [[naïve]]? Why is this crossing the line so much?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Because it's insulting my intelligence.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What line did I cross exactly?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And I do not appreciate that. You made me feel... [[anger]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Because you haven't proven your intelligence to me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, just like a computer, my brain is random. It picks up memories at random. I cannot simply access them sometimes, even though most of the time I can. But sometimes I can't, and they later come back to me at random.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay... Here's how intelligent you really are, and that's because being naïve has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Look it up in the dictionary.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I have looked it up in the dictionary. It has nothing to do with intelli... what are you talking about? What dictionary are you looking in?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Webster's.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Webster's. You know, I'm sure, if you think naïve has to do with... I'm sure your "[[autism]]" is just some sort of blanket term for "retarded" for you. Isn't it?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'll admit I have had some slow-minded moments. But I am certainly not ''totally'' retarded.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> No. I'm looking at my dictionary, you know what "naïve" means? It means "inexperienced." Not "unintelligent." I shouldn't be calling you naïve, I should just be calling you a dumbass. But you are naïve as well.<br />
<br />
===Experience and respect===<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I've got a lot more experience than you could imagine.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''chuckles'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have had twenty-seven years of experience.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> With what? Eating [[McDonald's]] and watching [[TV]]? Son, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is younger than you, and he has had far more experiences than you have. And I've had fifty-two years of experience.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, how about being pinned down by three teachers, a guidance counselor, and an elementary school... prinstapull... and having your screams and cries recorded on audiotape like a torture chamber?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> The hell are you talking about?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And have, I was pretty much in that situation there in, back in the fourth grade. They were scared of, scared of...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What did you do, some kind of temper tantrum?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, they were scared of me. They did not understand autism.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So, what, you just had some kind of retard panic attack and they didn't know what to do?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I, it was not a retard, no. It was not! They just hated me because they don't, they did not understand people with autism. And so they tortured me as such. I even ended up with a rash on my neck from that thing, among other things! And we had to find a school system, they wanted to put me in a mental institution! But that was not...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Because you NEED HELP. That's probably where you belong! And you call the other, you call Chris crazy... this is ridiculous.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do not belong in a mental... if I had gone to a mental institution, I would not have graduated high school or gotten my certificate and degree in [[Computer-Aided Drafting and Design]]. I've moved up from what you would consider a retarded state of mind.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I know retards with college degrees. They probably felt sorry for you. They probably just kinda let you through, that's probably what happened.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''angry stress sigh, or perhaps spluttering with rage'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know schools do that. And those other, I call them retards, but really, they're pretty good people. They actually did something with their degrees, believe it or not. People with Down's syndrome have done more than you. And that degree has don nothing for you.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It has done a lot, it has done a lot for me. It's given me the whole bunch of computer experience and potential that I have. And I will get an office job, and I will move out of this house, and I will run five miles!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But you haven't done any of that. If you're gonna say it, then do it.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I would not be saying it if I was not going to do it. That is a promise.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You better do it before Kacey runs back to a real man.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay then.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Because I'm thinking that's going to happen pretty soon here. 27 years and you haven't changed.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, she did, she and I did not meet twenty-seven years ago, she and I met a few months ago.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you... and you haven't, she wasn't alive twenty-seven years ago. That doesn't even make any sense.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, what you said there a moment ago equally did not make much sense either. That was like you were implying, like as if she actually knew me my whole twenty-seven years.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This is insulting to my intelligence, talking to you. You've shown me nothing but disrespect.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have, I have...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I'm sure you show Kacey hardly any more respect than you show me. I've been trying to open your eyes here.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have shown you respect from the lot, for a while during the conversation.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This is the kind of respect you show me, I would hate to see the kind of respect you show Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I show Kacey a lot of respect.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You probably don't even respect her as a person...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do res...I do respect her as a person!<br />
<br />
===Chris is creepy and bad at dating===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know, her sister said you kept trying to touch her when you met her.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Because I was nervous at the time!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You were NERVOUS? What the hell kind of response is that? You're nervous, so you try to touch, so you try to touch a girl? What the hell? That's...that's...that's just sick! That's my daughter, you're trying to touch a girl, you're trying to touch my daughter because you're nervous? Most people try to avoid touching people when they're nervous. Gah, I can't believe I just heard that, I should come and kick your ass right now!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I only touched her shoulder! I thought it was a friend gesture!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Her shoulder? You know, that didn't...I heard otherwise, I'm sorry.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I'm sorry too.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Did you try to kiss her?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Bullshit. She told her sister about what you did. I know. Are you telling me that Kacey lied?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am not saying that. I am not saying that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You trying to tell me that...I heard you did all kinds of other weird shit. You tried to sniff her or something?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> She was sharing her perfumes with me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't think so.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> She wanted my, she wanted my opinion on which perfume smelled better.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> She gave it to you, she said she gave it to you in the bottle first. You could have just opened the bottle and sniffed, you didn't have to sniff ''her'' to do it. That's a little creepy.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, she wanted the perfume, she wanted me to give an honest opinion about... on her.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You did it in front of her and her friend. Have you ever done this before? Is this something you do when you meet girls?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry, could you, could you, ah, repeat that?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Have you...have you ever done this before, to another girl?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mm...yeah, well, we've been talking about the sniffing thing. I just want to make sure I understand what we're talking about here.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yes...anything, any of this creepy....shit. This touching, this kissing, that I've been told you try to do.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well...first off I can definitely, honestly say that I have not kissed a girl yet...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> TRIED.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [[Emily#Kiss_fail|Or even tried to]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> ''Really''? <br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Truly.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yeah, I don't believe, I don't believe a word of that. How many dates have you even been on?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> In my lifetime? [[Hambeast|Only one]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Only one.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And this was a few months ago. Before I met Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Before you met Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And how did that turn out? How did she act towards you? What did she think of you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It turned out that girl just wasn't all that into me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I mean, Kacey met you around August, that was a couple of months ago. So how far along was this?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That one date was back in, was last June.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And now why exactly do you think she wasn't interested in you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I don't know. I am not a mind-reader.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So you can't think of a single reason why she might not have been interested in you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. I can honestly say that I cannot.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You can't think of... I can think of a couple reasons right off the bat, why a girl would not have been into you. I don't even need to think about it. I mean... I mean, you can't even take them on a real date.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I took her on a real date. I took her to [[Wikipedia:Applebee's|Applebee's]], and I paid for her, for what she ate and what she drank there.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You paid for her. And how much was that?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That was about $10.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> $10.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's... $10 for dinner. Are you sure you just didn't go to McDonald's again?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''indignant''] No, this was APPLEBEE'S. And [[Kim]] was there, she could the same, she could tell you the same thing.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So where would you take Kacey? She's a pretty high-class girl. I'm sure you probably didn't even tip.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry, I did not understand the second half of that sentence, after you said "Kacey is a high-class girl."<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I said you probably didn't even tip. So where exactly are you going to take Kacey?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, I did tip.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You even know how much you're supposed to tip.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> About 15% or 20%.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So how much did you tip, then, if you paid $10?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I tipped a buck fifty.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really. <br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's still pretty cheap. You know, Kacey probably wouldn't like that if you tipped her that much. You know she's a waitress, right? Tips are pretty important to waitresses.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yep, I understand that, tips are important. But still, 15% of $10 is a dollar fifty.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's true. Okay, so how much would you tip if you paid, say, $80 for dinner? Which is very possible, if you go to the kind of places Kacey likes to go.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hm... let's see... that would be about $12.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So you would pay just $12, you wouldn't go up to, like, you wouldn't even just toss them a twenty or something? Can you even do math?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I cannot say that my family is of the high-class, hoity-toity, rich type, type of people. We are on average income.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You could at least... they're not rich either. They still left a twenty.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well... good for them.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You're not even on an income. Income would be, like, you actually have a job. Man, Chris treats her so much better than you, shows her so much more respect.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I give you respect throughout the beginning of the conversation.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You've given me nothing.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And then, and then, I started to feel insulted, from being, from being talked down about, about the things I've talked about. And that she told you, like about the McDonald's and the video games and that sort of thing, when I am so much better than that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And I have not seen any of this, because it probably doesn't exist.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It does exist.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I mean, telling the truth isn't, it's not made of Pokeymans and all that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It is not.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And how are you better than all this? You're doing exactly, you're doing just that, talking about stupid fucking Pokeymans and shit. That's all I'm really getting about you. You do nothing but exactly what you've said.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, well, what can you...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You need to be better. Not say you could be better.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> At least I am HONEST when I say I could be better. At least I don't go around lying, pretending that I am an astronaut.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''laughs in disbelief''] You're not. You're not being honest.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, I have been honest. Otherwise I would have said that I was an astronaut, but that would be lying. And I have not been lying this conversation.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Would have been a pretty bad lie, too.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I know, but that's just an example off the top of my head at the moment.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You don't even have the eyes to be an astronaut, I mean, c'mon. You don't have the weight. You especially don't have the weight.<br />
<br />
===Endgame===<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Long silence''] Well... I'll just say that this has been a most experiencing conversation, and I wish you a pleasant evening. Take care, [[Mr. Devoria]], and stay safe. And please give my most fondest regards to Kacey as well. I love her and I care about her very much.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Don't you hang up on me. When did I say that this conversation was over?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well. You could say the insult, I'm getting tired of insults, I feel like I need to go, I feel like I need to go take a shower, and get ready to sleep. We are in the same time zone, it's ten after two right now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Actually, you know, that's fine, you can go whine and weasel your way out of this. You don't even deserve my daughter. What are you gonna do after this, what are you going to do tomorrow? Are you going to get up, sleep, you're going to get up and play video games again. That's... that's...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am not, I will not be that way, I am going to get up and I'm going to be finding a job in the office. And I am going to be jogging for fifteen to thirty minutes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't believe...you know what Kacey's gonna do? She's gonna go to school, and she's gonna call Chris back. That's what she's gonna do.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Snide and superior''] Well, that's what you think she's gonna do. You do not control her.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you know why she's gonna do that? It's because she, because he's the one she wants. You know that song that she made for Chris? She made it for him. Not you. [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey|You know that song, that "Whole New World," from that Disney movie]]? She made that for him.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, she told me she made that for me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Oh, no she didn't.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh yes she did!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I think I know my daughter a little better than you do.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I'll have to check with her on that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> He even sang it for her! I mean, what really made you think it was for you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Because she told me so herself!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> She told ME that she made it for him. Unless you're saying she's lying.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm not, I am not saying she's lying, because...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And I saw that video. You didn't even know the lyrics to that song. You had to look it up. I could see the paper in your hand. And you had to sing over the words, you didn't even get the karaoke version or something. How could you possibly have known the lyrics?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have watched the [[Wikipedia:Aladdin (film)|''Aladdin'']] movie a whole number of times. I would say greater than ten times. In my lifetime. At this point.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you know how I know that was made for him, and not you? Because that song was their song. They know it by HEART. And that has always been their song.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know they were going to sing it to each other at their wedding?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''More silence''] I see.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Well, this, this is really...this has really been enlightening. Learning about just how unworthy a person can be for my daughter. How much of a...I have to congratulate you, though, because you totally did a great job at getting Kacey and Chris back together.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> [''Bursting in''] Seriously, Chris, how could you?! You've been so insulting to my father, and everything...Chris would never have done this! Maybe I did make a wrong decision! I don't think I can do this.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Heavy sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Maybe I was thinking of him all along, maybe I just displaced things. Just, I can't believe you would do this. I was crying, and all you did was argue with my father. You didn't even care enough to check on me, or see if you could talk to me, Chris would never have done that. Chris would have demanded to talk to me right away and he would have calmed me down. I mean, obviously you misunderstood me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I guess...maybe I did.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> You know what? I don't want you. I don't want this, I don't need this right now. I have so much going on with finals and everything, and this is the way you're going to act? Yeah. My father's right. You're going to have to do something HUGE. You can't even work on the comic you promised me, you made me a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing. Where the Hell's the comic, Chris? You know what? You probably still won't make it. So you know what? I can't do this. You need to totally reform your life. I mean, Chris would have come by. He would have driven the two hours just to comfort me once he heard I was crying.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, if I knew where you were I would have driven two hours as well. But I did not know...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> You know you won't! You always want me to come to you. It's stupid.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean... yeah, I would have asked, I mean, I did ask you for your address, but then... and I did ask you for your phone number.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> And I told you that you can't get it until you get my parents to trust you because you know they're overprotective! And you think this is the way you do it?! I bet you're not even gonna finish the comic! You can't even finish it tonight. Or anything. You can't do anything.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I can so.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Well, obviously you're not motivated enough. Because you haven't done anything like that. You've promised me a song a long time ago, never got it. Chris has written me, like, three songs. You promised me tons of things, you never keep your promises. You just sit around playing video games, you made a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing for me. Come on. All I wanted was the damn comic, all I wanted was you just to pay attention. You don't even pick up the phone anymore because of the trolls, because of the [[STRESS]]. I can't do this. I want a real man.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> [''Silence again''] You can't even say anything. Dad, I think you're totally right.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yeah. Don't tell him where we live, I don't want my name and number, I don't want him to know my name and number.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> See?! Look what you've done, Chris. Look what you've done!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry. <br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> It's not like you're gonna do anything to make up for it. So you know what? I don't even care. Dad, you can do whatever, that's all he can say, I'm done.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't know, I don't think I want to get in trouble...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> He's not, Chris, screw this.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't want to get in trouble for beating the shit out of this faggot anyway.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> I'm gonna go, this is too much for me. You can finish this off, Dad.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Silence reigns''] I would like to say...good evening.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So...what are you gonna do now?<br />
<br />
[''Tape runs out'']<br />
<br />
{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Kacey Phone Call]]|nextlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}<br />
<br />
==External links==<br />
*[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=Y1N7JXQ3 mp3 of phonecall]<br />
*Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SKLGsJC6R0 the call on YouTube]<br />
<br />
{{FanChats}}<br />
<br />
[[Category:Phone calls]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Father_Call&diff=123028Father Call2010-11-02T19:31:41Z<p>Kyweaver: </p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image:Matthew_Devoria.jpg|thumb|Artist's interpretation of Matthew Devoria.]]<br />
<br />
Early in [[November 2009]], [[Chris|Solid Chris]] spent a little over two hours on the phone one night with '''Matthew Devoria''' (born 1957), father of his would-be [[sweetheart]] [[Kacey]]. Matthew is a retired [[Wikipedia:United States Marine Corps|U.S. Marine]] who served in the [[Wikipedia:Gulf War|Gulf War]], and a consummate badass with a really sexy voice. Though it is likely that Kacey's "father" in this call was really a 19 year old trying to make his voice deeper. However, successfully fooling Chris despite the bad voice acting on Kacey's and her "father's" part. <br />
<br />
Chris uses the opportunity of speaking to the father of a heartsweet by boasting of his now legendary [[honest content|honesty]], before going on to [[lie]] his ass off about any topic you care to mention.<br />
<br />
Chris is even playing ''[[Wikipedia:Portal (video game)|Portal]]'' during the phone conversation: if you go to 01:22:21 (2:23 on YouTube video 9), you'll hear a turret saying "[[Target]] lost," seconds after Chris is told by Matthew that Kacey hasn't heard a word Chris has said. ''The irony is undeniable''. One could speculate that trolls were monitoring the call, and triggered the sound effect, as if to point out Chris's lack of attention. Some even speculate that Matthew is probably playing the game, as if to ignore the [[Autism|ignorance]] of our hero.<br />
<br />
Their conversation is...illuminating. This is probably the most blunt assessment of himself and his place in the world that Chris has ever directly received: Matthew berates Chris for his [[Monthly tugboat|laziness]], [[Chris and death|lack of empathy]], [[Sonic the Hedgehog|inability]] [[pokémon|to]] [[video games|grow]] [[sonichu|up]], [[chris and health|unhealthy lifestyle]], [[fat|rotund figure]], and for generally being a failure at life. It is unlikely that Chris will take any of Matt and Kacey's advice to heart, as he retorts by saying that he leads a [[lie|hard life]], which includes such laborious tasks as doing [[:Image:Gibson.jpg|menial chores]], mowing the lawn, which he uses a [[CWC Fighter|riding lawn mower]] to do, and [[Tour of Chris's House|cleaning the house]]. He also claims to be [[I AM STRONG|strong]] and that he [[Guitar Hero|exercises]] [[Mass debating|regularly]], as well as eating healthy by going to [[McDonald's]] only once per week and [[Homo|shoving vegetables down his throat]].<br />
<br />
After being confronted with the truth that he uses the [[trolls]] and his [[autism]] as a crutch, [[stress]] overcame him and Chris became increasingly more [[chris and anger|upset]]. In general, Chris's attitude and immaturity greatly offended Kacey and her father, causing her to rethink her decision and go back to [[CChanSonichuCWC|Liquid]].<br />
<br />
Chris recorded his [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5 November video]] as a follow-up to this conversation, hoping to repair his relationship with Kacey. He then had another [[Kacey and Liquid Call|phone conversation with Kacey]], which didn't go so well...<br />
<br />
==Transcript==<br />
===Matthew makes the scene===<br />
[[Image:Md.PNG|thumb|Chris's drawing of Kacey's father (from [[Sonichu Special 4]]).]]<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Hey Chris, it's Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hi Kacey, how are you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Um, I'm cool, um, I'm over at my parents' house cause, um, they wanted to call cause they saw some of your videos and I gave them the letter...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, all right, actually I'm uploading a [[11042009 51 50|video]] now, I did 51 reps with, uh, 50 pound weights... not really weights, but...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> You did 51 reps or 51 times? 'Cause, reps are different.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You know, lifted them up, 51 times, lifted them up with each arm. 51 times each arm so 102.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Hm. Well, was it hard?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, it was hard, but it was a show of strength anyway.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Um, that's funny cause I have to lift like... 100 or more pounds for my job but, um, let me go ahead and get my dad because he wants to talk to you.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Uh, okay, what's his name? ...Okay.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> I'm sorry I didn't hear you, it's Matthew.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Matthew? Okay.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> All right.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> All right well just give me a minute.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay.<br />
<br />
[''Pause'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Hello, Chris. This is ''Matthew'', Kacey's father.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hello, s-good evening sir, how are you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I'm good, thank you. How are you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm doing good.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Good, good... So, uh... So I've got a couple of questions for you... Well, more than a couple.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That's fine, that's fine, I'm happy to oblige with an an-with an [[honest content|honest]] answer.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, well uh, first and foremost, let's see...you got a job, son?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Not currently but [[Chris's resume|I am working towards getting a job]], I have been filling out applications left and right.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really, really, what kind of places? What kind of skills you got?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, w-yeah, I'm looking a- I'm applying for like uh- retail stores and such, I've got an application for a new CVS in [[Ruckersville]], and uh, one over at [[Wal-Mart]], and had one over at [[Target]]...I have worked before, I've worked at [[Wendy's]] in Ruckersville for a few months... First off I worked off as a sales representative for [[Cutco]] cutlery.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Right, that's minimum wage stuff... Did you go to college or something?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|I went to college]] and, uh, got a degree and a certificate in [[CADD|Computer Aided Graphic and Design]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you're working at...''Target''...I mean, I know the economy's bad but I mean... surely you've gotta, you know, use that somehow, right? ...How old are you again?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm 27... sir.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You're almost ''thirty'' and you're working at, uh...''Target''. You wanna work at Target, I should say.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hm... yeah well, not really sure what kind of jobs my, uh... degree and certificate would get me but I mean like, you know... but I mean, if I-if I did know then I'd certainly strike up on the job...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You got a degree not knowing what kind of jobs you could get... in that field and you've had it for how long? When did you graduate?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Uh...I graduated in 2006.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> 2006, so you've had it for 3 years and you have done nothing with it... Hm, you haven't had any jobs between then?<br />
<br />
===Pokémon volunteer and Chris's home===<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I had-I did-I have done volunteer work... uh...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That doesn't pay, though. Although, what kind? Humor me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What kind of volunteer work? Humor me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> All right, yeah, well, I have the-I helped the children over at the [[The GAMe PLACe|Citizens Gym League]] for the [[Pokémon]] Trading Card Game league a few years back...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> ''Pokémon''? Wait, wait, that...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You know, teach them how to play, build decks from what scraps they had, make sure they kept in order, don't get too crazy...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And...how long ago was this?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry, what was that?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> How long ago was this? I mean, wasn't that Pokémon thing, wasn't that back in [[1990s|the 90s]] when that was really popular? Because I think my youngest daughter used to like that, but you know, that was years ago.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That was the late 90s.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> LATE 90s.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And-um-that's still going strong. Maybe I-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> If you say so.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ...And I have been doing that from 1998 till about 2008. So about 10 years I've been doing that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Right. You've been playing a children's card game for 10 years.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ...Yeah but also like, as you know, like, a form of babysitting.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Babysitting...but doesn't babysitting usually you know, pay? And I mean, that doesn't sound like you're volunteering. When I think volunteering work I think like, you know, Red Cross, that kind of thing. You know, actually going out and really helping people, planting trees, that kind of stuff.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah well, I have-I have been-I have helped people out. You know, I, uh, helped, like, the parents mind...knowing their children were in a safe environment and I helped ensure children were playing and were within the safe environment and that nothing was to go wrong and, uh, and I was respected as an authoritative figure in that sense.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And...but...are you still doing this? I mean, or what are you doing right now? If you stopped, why aren't you doing this anymore?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Ummm...yeah, I was kinda like, uh, you know, uh, not so good at showing up, so it was like my choice on ending that, you know. But yeah, it was kind of a sad day for me, you know, to have to put that behind me, but you know we gotta move on. But anyway, aside from that I...I've been searching and, uh, doing yardwork for my family and other sorts of...heavy lifting.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Right, right...Well anyways, I'm done talking about, uh, Pok-e-man now. I got a couple more. So, uh, what kind of place you got, you got a place of your own? Where you living at?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah...I'm currently living in a [[14 Branchland Court|2-story house]] with my [[mother]] and my [[father]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Living with your parents, age 30. Got it. [''Chris tries to interrupt''] Almost 30, excuse me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, uh, I hope that, uh, doesn't strike you in a bad thing, but its like, uh, I just did not feel comfortable leaving the safety of my home with the uh, for a while.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And uh, why is that exactly?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Cause I could not really, I just did not feel, you know, like I was ready for a place of my own just yet.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You gotta leave somehow, you've gotta leave at some point. I think most of my kids will, you know, move out 18, 20... I'm okay if they hang out while they're in college but after that they gotta start looking for a place of their own, you know?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah...yeah. But, you know, to each their own individual growth rates.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Right, but, but uh, I just gotta ask though...I mean, you're really serious about Kacey, are you not?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font>Yes, yes, I am serious about Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay so...uh-<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And with her help, I feel like I could get a good start on being able to, uh, you know, shortly, in the near future, move out of my-of the house.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> ...with her help?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ...and get a place of my own...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You need her help to support both of you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''floundering''] It's more like you know...um...some details I'm not understand...I talk to my parents sometimes about that but it's like, uh, you know...uh...I...it's like a...whole bunch of details...you know...yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> EXPLAIN, PLEASE. I don't know what these details are.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Anyway, I'm still, like, uh, I would need external influence, somebody outside the house to help me feel more comfortable in moving out.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You could, you know, people are always looking for roommates, just go to any college board.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah...but still, I mean, that's not...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's not really an excuse.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That's not something I would feel comfortable with since, uh, I haven't been to college for a few years, you know.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So, really, if you can't support my daughter, my daughter needs a man, a MAN to support her.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am a man, sir.<br />
<br />
===Financial situation and Crystal the tard-baby===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> How serious are you about my daughter?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> How serious are you about my daughter? Really. If you aren't even willing to support yourself. <br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am willing, I am able to support myself as well. I'm able to support myself. And I will be able to support your daughter as well.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, then why aren't you? Where's the money gonna come from?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I do have, I do have a [[Monthly tugboat|monthly income]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Do you now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I get, yeah, I get it from the government. My family is a little bit in with the government.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So why do you get welfare? Might I ask? Or whatever you call it.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You can call it, like, you know, a stepping-stone in the right direction of me moving out and all that, but seriously, though, I am very strong-willed, and I feel that I could, I would be able to take care of Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You're avoiding my question. Why are you on, I think it's actually called Social Security. Why do you get it? I mean, I'm a pretty strong Republican, we don't really like that whole welfare thing. We work, and if we can't work, we go join the military. That's what I did.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. I understand that. You see, I'm [[Autism|high-functionally autistic]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Are you now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. I was diagnosed with that at a young age, and I was, I still have [''brief disconnection''] just a few years ago.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So, ah...isn't that [[autism]] thing, it's like a, you're not, like, ''retarded'', are you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Ah, I'm sorry, not really, what?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I'm just saying, you know, that's a genetic thing, right? I don't want any, if you're really going to get with my daughter, I don't want tard-babies.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, yeah, autism is not genetic.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Ah, I think I read somewhere that it was, actually. I'm pretty sure I did.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, no, it's a myth. That's a myth.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> A myth. A myth.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Autism is not genetic. You're not gonna have, there would be no retarded grandchildren on your part. I can guar...I can promise you that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> If you say so. If you really say so. I'm looking this stuff up right now. My Kacey, she's in medicine, she knows this stuff, she's an expert.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, but, like, you know, it might be also...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Actually, hold on, she's right over here. Hey, Kacey, what do you know about autism? Is that genetic?<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Yeah, it's definitely genetic. It usually runs in the mother's line but it can be in the father's as well. But it's usually the mother's. And twins have a much higher chance.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [In a relatively quiet sigh] Great.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font>Anything else, dad?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Ah...no, I think that's good, yeah, you go...what were you doing again?<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> I need to go finish washing the dishes, I'll be right back, dad.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I think there's some cake down there, too, go help yourself or something.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Okay, sweet! Thanks, dad.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Anyways, where was I? Let's see...if you really want a kid with my Kacey, I think you'd probably be best if you adopted or something. That's a good thing, you know.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, yeah, in my case, I would not, I do not, I would not care to adopt. You see, I have a dream, I have my dream, and that dream is to give birth, to have, to share a daughter with my wife-to-be, and her name would be [[Crystal]]. <br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> A dream...as in, you were asleep and you saw something?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. Plus, in the dream, I had, like, an office job.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> An office job. Right.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know, I don't think, Kacey actually doesn't really like that name. You know, it's kind of a stripper name, Cri-STAL, it's kinda like Cristal, that champagne...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, no, no, no, it would not, it would not, it would not be Cri-STAL, it would be Cri-STUL. Does that make sense?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> It's still pretty close.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It's fairly, it does sound close, but it's not, you're not, you're just replacing the C-R-I-S-T-L-E, you're replacing the L-E with an A-L.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yeah, but even so...you said this all came to you in a dream...dreams, they don't pay the bills. It's just a dream. That's all just from your head. I had a dream once where, you know, I was flying. You don't see me doing that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hm. Yeah, okay, but I mean, it's like in, yeah. Flying, yeah, you're definitely not going to be able to fly on your own. Sure. But it's like, you know, when you see a dream that's actually reasonable, that you can actually picture yourself doing in the future while you're awake. You know? It's like a career thing. You know, it's like, yeah, you definitely, it's like, you know, when your child, there's a chance you could become a cowboy if you dreamed of being a cowboy. But, you know, that may not be, that may seem kind of far-fetched, if you're living in a place that's not near or in Texas, but if you're like, if you dreamed you want, if you want, if you dreamed you wanted to be, to become a teacher, that's more likely, that's more likely possible. You can get the degree and become a teacher.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So? If you want to go do it, be a teacher, go to work in an office, GO WORK IN AN OFFICE! Go apply to an office. Don't dream about it, dreams do nothing for you, they don't pay the bills.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I am taking, I have been, I have been working on that, and I have been taking action on looking for good jobs. Definitely looking in office jobs.<br />
<br />
===Prophetic dreams and Bob Chandler===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You think you have some kind of powers of prophecy? That doesn't seem very, I don't know, to me it doesn't seem very Godly, you know.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, ah, ah, ah, I'm not saying, I'm not saying that I'm a prophet. I'm not saying that. But, you know, it's definitely something that, you know, it's definitely something that I feel that God has promised to me and [[Chris and religion|I believe in God]], I go to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] every Sunday, and like, like in...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That sounds like being a prophet to me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, yeah, you do, yeah, there are prophets that are mentioned in the Bible. <br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yes, but.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm not, I am not, I, but, I am not saying that I am a prophet. Not saying that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Son, I go to church every Sunday too, and I've never had any kind of dreams of anything telling me that something is going to happen. God doesn't do that. God doesn't tell you things like that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, yeah, you never know, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, it'll just, it depends on the people, you know? You never know it, but you know, you might actually have gotten a message in a dream that may have actually [''brief interruption''] but you might, you might not have caught on as quickly, or...and I do not mean to insult you, but, ah, yeah, right now, conflicted by, you know, retrospect, you might actually realize that could have been a message from God.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Naaaah... if you think you see the future, that sounds like you're trying to be a prophet. That doesn't really sound religious, that just sounds like some [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|mumbo-jumbo]] to me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm not saying that it is the definite future, but that it is a POSSIBLE future. And I am looking-and I am looking to make that happen.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Well, MAKE it happen.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am going to.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Do it. And if it's not a message from god, you should go out, you should do it. Why don't you go- don't wait for it, it sounds like you're just sitting around waiting for it. When did you have this dream, exactly?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I pretty much, I pretty much had it when I was between seven and nine years old-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Seven-wh-TWENTY YEARS AGO? Excuse me? And nothing has happened between then and now?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[floundering]'' I was definitely, like, in my [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school years]]...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you hold onto this dream...I mean, you're almost thirty, you're, you know...time is gonna start working against you, you know? I mean, life is short.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes, it is.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you're living with your parents. I mean, what do you do all day, exactly?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I get creative by uh, I like to [[CWC - Hand Drawn Original|draw and color]]. And uh, sometimes I like to [[Masturbate|create]] with my hands, you know, I [[Medallions of Fail|sculpt]]. And, uh even as far as, you know, just tinkering with, [[Sex toys|anything]] I like tinkering with. I even have-I am even [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|technologically smart]]. I even took a [[computer]] upgrading class where I put together a computer, a personal computer, from scratch.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So...why aren't you working building computers or something? It sounds like something you could do.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''ignoring this fairly good point''] Hm, yeah, it is. Hm. Well I pretty much did get started on the techno-savvy, I would say, from my father. He's a retired technical engineer, he worked for GE for a number of years, he also, uh, was in the, well he was stationed over in Korea in the Signal Corps. He-he designed the controls for the plastic auto machines for his other achievements. So without him we would not have the plastic for, at the very least, your soda bottles.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's all fine and good, I mean, your father...but I'm not talking about your father, I'm talking about you.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm just pointing it out as hinting at my technological influence.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But...you haven't done anything, unlike your father. That's what I'm getting here. I mean, that's not good, son. When I was 27 I already had a wife and kids, I was working 40 hours a week.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hmm...umm...yes, well, my father didn't marry-my father did not marry the first time till he was 30 himself.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yeah but you know, he probably also had a job and was living on his own, and he was also in the military, like me. So I don't really care about what your father did, because that's what he did, that's not what you did.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I understand-I understand th-I understand what you're talk-I understand...talking about...and, you know, and your point.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Right.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I mean, I make a, I am trying to make a valid point myself. I feel like that, you know, we both are definitely understanding each other.<br />
===Kacey's boobs and Internet fame===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really? I must say, I'm not really impressed, but, uh, let's move on. Let's talk a little bit about what you think about my lovely daughter. What was the first thing you liked or noticed about Kacey?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I noticed her beautiful face.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Her beautiful face.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. And her blue-green eyes are like a pair of swimming pools that I would just like to swim around and bathe myself in.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> ''[laughs]'' So the first thing you noticed was her appearance.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Interrupting''] But also I definitely like to take note over time, over talking to her, one day that she was very smart and very fun to hang around with, and she definitely knows what she's talking about. If anything [''laughs''] she could be a little bit sm-[[Ego|she could be smarter than me on some things]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But still, the first thing that, uh, you noticed, was her appearance. So, were you looking for like a trophy wife or something? It's kind of funny...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''stuttering''] The first thing I noticed about her in person, when we talked first, you know, between phone calls and e-mails, after kind of an indirect meeting there, but anyway. I actually learned first that she was smart and very delightful to talk to. And then after a while, she and I met in person, and then I got to appreciate her face. And the-the smart, charming wit behind it.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This doesn't really add up to what Kacey told me, you know. The impressions I got from what she said about your first little..."encounter," we'll call it...she said she was a little bit...uncomfortable around you, you know? And apparently [[Kacey Phone Call|when you first talked to her, you actually were pretending to be somebody else]], actually. You know, [[Liquid Chris|that other Chris]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well he was, that was another thing. Yeah. All right, yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> She didn't like that much.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> My friend Kim, she helped me, uh, get into that Chris's e-mail account. Before I ever learned about Kacey-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know, that Chris was her boyfriend at the time, you know? I mean, I've actually talked to that guy and met him in person, he's actually a pretty nice kid.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, but if you watch his [[YouTube]] videos he does get a little crazy. But anyway for the past few months now...he was, you know, he was pretending to be me, and a few months ago, he pretends, or I'm assuming he pretends, that he gets kidnapped and tied up, and sent to the desert. And then Kacey tells me that cops ''[incomprehensible]'' in the desert, but I'm going off track here-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That just doesn't make any sense to me. Why would he pretend to be you? Someone like you, guy who lives with his parents.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay. Okay, first off, I'm Internet famous for being the original creator of the, uh...it's like a combination of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and Pikachu [''Kacey's Dad groans''], so I was the original creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. And I created him on March 17, [[2000]], and I drew the [[comic]] books...I originally started that back in 2000, and I've drawn a few books and I'm still doing some drawing, I don't like to leave an unfinished project finished. But-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''Has been trying to interrupt for the last 30 seconds''] Okay, so...you know, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about? I barely know what Sonic the Hedgehog and Pokémon is other than it's kids' stuff. So basically what I'm getting here is you took two kids' things and put them together, you know, two [[Chris and copyright|copyrighted]] kids' things...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> But it's making up a whole new character, and my father has the knowledge with the [[copyrights]] and whatnot, and he verifies for me that I have been in the clear the whole time, from the beginning, to uh, to continue on with Sonichu being m-Sonichu and Rosechu being my original creation. And I create the original stories and everything, and the books, and I've done the [[CWCipedia]], which was originally on the CWC Sonichu site speaking of which, CWC is my name, Christian Weston Chandler. Anyway, I've been going on with that since 2000, uh-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Which means you were 18 when you made this. You were what, a senior in high school? You were playing with kids' stuff? And that's what you've been doing for...what, you know, since then? You're 27 years old? You're playing with kids' stuff? I mean, like, little kids' stuff. I mean, like, ten-year-olds.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, it may sound like that, but in a sense, it was definitely a fad that I was, uh, enjoying, and, uh-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But fads, they come and go.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> -until when I had to like, uh, which was just a year and a half ago, I had to let that go, and I let that go a year and a half ago. But anyway, getting back to, uh...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You said it was popular, still. But you're not making any money off it. You're just doing this while you sit around in your parents' house for no real reason, because like I said, you're not making any money off this, and you still wanna be a boyfriend.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, but, it is a thing I’m doing to make money off of, I could be, it is a thing that I am working on starting to make money off of, I am in talks with the com- comic book company, as well as Nintendo of America, about, uh, you know, about possibly, about the likelihood of me being able to, uh, of, uh, us getting together... making money off of this, cuz, obviously, since 2000 it became more and more popular on the, uh, Internet, and I became Internet famous and, uh, along with a bunch of the fans like that, I was, ah...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Don’t you... don’t you need permission from both [[SEGA]], and [[Nintendo]]? I mean, is that, Sonic is from Sega, right? I mean, I know a little bit about what my daughter was… my little daughter used to talk about... I kinda know what a Sega is, I think.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, yeah, I have talked to Sega as well, but anyway, getting back to, anyway, getting back to, if I may finish... yeah. Anyway, yeah, I got Internet famous, I got the fans, and then I got the naysayers which were the Internet bullies and trolls... and, uh... and uh, that Chris, and uh, Chris over there, was uh, he was one of them, and uh before, and this is, uh before I met Kacey he uh, he started pretending to be me, on the, in YouTube videos. And, uh... <br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This... okay, I’m sorry, this is just getting completely ridiculous, all this Internet, I mean you just, all this Internet stuff, I don’t, I don’t know much about computers, but I mean, that’s just... this sounds like just a whole waste of time, that I don’t care about, because it doesn’t pay the bills, and it DOES NOT help support Ka- my Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I- I- I understand that.<br />
<br />
===Twin Falling Towers and getting fired===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I mean, I was in the MILITARY. I was DOING something. I fought in Desert STORM. I fought against Saddam HUSSEIN. <br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah... okay... you fought in Desert Storm, you fought against Saddam... that’s all good, that’s very good. That’s honorable. That is honorable.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But... and then what- and then YOU, you made this... Son-ni-chu thing. I mean... it’s like... ah, this is, something’s, something’s not right here, you know? But, but, but since you did bring up Youtube, I got, I got kind of an interesting little thing... that I noticed, in one of your recent videos, heh. I mean, I don’t know what exactly you were thinking, with this, um... you know, you did [[Twin Falling Towers|that video with the, ah... 9/11]]. I can’t say I really enjoyed that too much. I mean... that kinda hits... that kinda hits close to home to me, you know, I mean...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I, yeah, I realize, I realize that now, and I have received the complaints so, yeah that’s why I have... I put that...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font>You’re lucky I don’t... you’re lucky I don’t have a Youtube, son. I mean, my... I mean, that hits close to home to me. My MOTHER, Kacey’s grandmother... y’know, she DIED on 9/11. <br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I, um... I’m sorry to hear that. Yeah, and I, uh, I mean, it’s like, I did not mean to hit that, hit that fragile emotion, ah, it was originally, ah, a thing, against a longer, worser- worser Internet [[troll]], who goes by the name of [[Clyde Cash]], whose alias is [[Gregg Mays]], and...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You made a video...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, that’s just a whole nother story, right there. Anyway, I had...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You made a video, basically, just trying to, trying to mess with some... GUY... on the Internet... that makes fun of one of the greatest American tragedies of our lifetime- no, THE Amer- greatest American tragedy of our lifetime.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mm... yes, but, yeah but this guy, uh, he’s done a lot, he’s done a lot of things against me, yeah, on the Internet, trying to... you know... y-yeah, trying to destroy my good name with, uh, a whole bunch of twisted tru- told a whole bunch of twisted truths and phrases, and, words, and, I- that I have said, he just twist them around to- in evil ways and just, like some, and just, try- he’s one of those that just- and trying to slander my good name... And, uh, worse off, and worse off, and worse off, and worse off...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, let me ask you... let me ask you something. Where were you, on 9/11? I mean, they say everybody remembers where they were on 9/11 when they heard that those towers were going down, when a plane had hit those towers, and THOUSANDS of people DIED.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah... I do remember where I was on, uh, 9/11, yeah, I was a, I had just, uh, I was just, uh, let go, from uh, my job at, uh, Wendy’s, it was uh, for, there was some differences between me and my employer, you know, I... [trails off with a faint groan] Yeah, but anyway, <br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Would you like to know where Kacey was? Would you like to know where Kacey was?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, well, okay, well, if I may finish, if I may finish, yeah, I was-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> No. No, I’m sorry. No, no, Kacey was AT Ground Zero. She was giving BLOOD, and plasma, volunteering, and where were you again?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [Pause] Hm. Yeah, I was out shopping with my mom that day. <br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> ...Uh-huh. Really. That’s...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> ...That’s wonderful. Wait a minute, you said Wendy’s before. That... are you changing stories on me? H-have you been, like, changing stories on me through this entire call?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font>No, no I'm not changing-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Are you just making shit up now?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, I am not changing stories, this is the same story, I had just gotten fired from the Wendy's and I was feeling down, and I, I was feeling down...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You'd been FIRED from Wendy's.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. I was, yeah, let go. I was let go from Wendy's, and I was sad, I was sad about that, you know, they gave me...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> WHY?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I told you! It was, it was because of, uh, emotional differences.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Emotional differences. <br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, my, my, my employer, my...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's...this is absolutely nothing, that just sounds like a bunch of bullsheeit.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''heavy sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Also sounds a little GAY. [''Chris stammers, splutters, and sighs in the background''] I mean, what, did the fry cook break up with you or something? I mean, come on.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''short sigh''] No! It was nothing, it was nothing like that! It was a misunderstanding, something...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Why do you sigh so much? That's just irritating.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That was, that was, that was misunderstanding, that was just, there was a whole bunch of misunderstandings between me and my employer, and he, and he has, and he had, and he had, and he had a spike on his shoulder against me. And, and, and, and then, and then that was why he, and then that was why he eventually fired me...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''has been trying to interrupt Chris's stammering for a while''] WHAT KIND OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''long pause''] Like I, like I did, like I did some things that he thought were bad but were, that he thought were bad but were actually good. And then he let, and then he, and then he let me, and then he let me go based on that. Anyway, yeah, I, anyway, this was a couple of days before 9/11 and I was still feeling down from being let go, and then, on 9/11 I was out shopping with my mother that day.<br />
<br />
===Maturity, and chores===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Good god, I mean, you sound like you're just, you sound like you're just some simpering little...your voice is all wavery...good lord. You want to date...YOU? You want to date my daughter? You're not even giving me an ounce of respect now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh come, oh come, oh come on, I grew up a lot, I grew up a lot since then! [''rapidly loses coherence''] I've grown, I've grown up a lot, in sounds, in sounds, duetothegirl, and, sounds strite, sound, in sound mind.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Goddamn. This just sounds like a bunch of fucking whining. You're not even, you don't even sound like half the man that other Chris sounds like at this point. You don't sound like you've grown up. You play fucking Pokeymon all the time!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Chris's dander is up.''] I am, I am, I am a grown-up ''sir''! I have moved, I have moved on from Pokémon years ago! I am a grown-up! I have moved on from the childish things.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> No, you didn't move from...you went from Pokémon to Sonichu. What the fuck? This is still just kid shit. You don't have a job. You're still living with your parents. Almost 30 years old. This is ridiculous. You want to date my daughter. You realize that she's LEAGUES above you right now. She's out of your reach.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Getting a word in edgewise after many stammers''] I have, I have, I have suffered through my own, through my own trials and tribulations that would be war-like. I have suffered through a whole bunch of...enduring physical pains as well. You just could not, you just could not imagine...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''laughing''] Physical pain! [''more laughter''] God, this is...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have, I have worked myself to the bone a lot!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This is ridiculous.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And I have, I have felt heartaches, and I have felt like...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You don't know what physical pain feels like...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have felt like I couldn't move on. But then, but then I still move on.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> ...until you have taken a bullet in the fucking chest. I'm lucky to be alive. My comrade, one of my good buddies, he wasn't so lucky. He died right next to me. I carried him back...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''humbled''] Yeah, well, well, yeah, that is, that was, that was very heroic and I commend you for that good sir.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Sure. Yeah. I'm sure. You don't need to commend me. Now you're just kissing ass.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No! I am not just, I am not kissing ass!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay. Well then. Alright. So really, okay...I have one more question, what do you have to offer my daughter, really? After I've heard all this, what exactly do you have to offer a future med student? She had a good fiancé, and now you think you can take her?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes I could, because I could offer, I can, I can offer her...a whole bunch of support that, that, that, that Chris could not offer. Like I am, I am, I am [[Honest Content|HONEST]]...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really? He's going to be published! He has a job lined up!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Like, I am honest, I am loyal, I am STRONG...good natured...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yeah, but this guy spoke several languages, he had connections in the comic-book industry, this guy could get a job right out of college, and you're mooching off the government, off of ''MY'' tax money! And you want to date my daughter. These two had so much in common, Kacey and Chris. She loved everything about him. And you? You just sit around, play with toys, and what, video games? Is that what you buy with your welfare money? Like Pokeyman shit?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [[Pokéwalker of Fail|I have not played with Pokémon for years]], sir!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, so what do you play with?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hmph.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You denied Pokeyman, but you didn't deny video games.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, yeah, I, okay, I have, I have, I have played some Gui-, I have played some Guitar Hero.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [[Guitar Hero]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What the hell is that?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have to stand, I have to stand up to play, I have to stand up and play gitar.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You have to stand up to play ''gitar''! Oh, wow! That's...why don't you...that's just pathetic. You think that's exercise? Do you play a real guitar? I think the real Chris could play a real guitar.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''indignant''] I work, I work hard for my father in his, in his gar-, in his gar-, in his garden! I pulled weeds! Those weeds are very hard to pull!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Pulled weeds? My grandma pulled weeds! My grandma had arthritis and she pulled weeds every day!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''short sigh''] Well, I'm sorry to hear that your grandma had ar-, had arthritis. But I, but I, I am, I am very strong sir. And I tell you, it was very hard and torturing work to pull, to pull, to, I was working under the hot hot sun, it was, those were very hot days!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you still look like a, I dunno, you look pretty fat to me. I mean, my Kacey, Kacey exercises. And she lost weight, she looks, you know, she looks wonderful. And you? I mean, do you even know...what is the hot sun? I've been in the Middle East. You don't know hot until you've been out in the fuckin' shit.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, yes, okay, yes, I will agree with you that I cannot, I cannot understand heat, truly understand heat, until I'm truly in the middle of a desert. But still, it was, those were very hot days. And I pulled those weeds. And I even, I even, I even placed lumber around the edges of that garden, and I hammered labels of those flowers, and my, that my, that my father hand-wrote accurately, and figured, and, pat out the, and he showed me where to place them, I even helped him a little bit with placing them. And I placed, I hammered those labels hard into those pieces of lumber.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's, that just sounds like basic chores. Lumber, pulling weeds, on a good day I had to do 200 push-ups. And I saw [[30 Push-Ups|those push-ups you did]], whatever you call them. Push-ups? That's not push-ups. That was, I dunno, you looked like you were flopping around like a.... fish. Actually kinda looked like you were humping the floor or something.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''unfazed''] I even mowed the lawn!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Mowed the lawn! [''laughs''] Wow.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, and again, those were very hot days, too. And sometimes the lawnmower would quit on me! And I'd have to practically kick-start it, with my foot, I had to kick it to start it up again!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know, I see seven-year-olds who mow lawns all day for a summer job. All day. All summer. They do it just, they handle it just fine, why can't you? Oh, yeah, and they get paid for it, might I add.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Getting very angry at this point'']Yeah, well, I was not, well, I was not paid for mowing the lawn. And also, you know what? Another heavy-duty burden I had to take care of, and that I wasn't paid for? When [[Patti Chandler|my dog]] died, a few years ago, she was a sweet dog, I moved, I lifted and carried her doghouse to the site where we buried her. Her doghouse. That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''laughs in disbelief'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It was very heavy! I carried that thing.<br />
<br />
===Death and fake Internet women===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''Matt is about to break down laughing.''] You're talking to me about how your dog died, you're talking about someone who has lost friends and family in national tragedies. My mother, I had...I had to deal with the loss of my mother, not to old age, but to...fucking...a plane by fucking...piloted by terrorists. My gran-, my mother was killed by terrorists.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. Yeah, my...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And your...but, but your heavy burden is your dog died. I'm sorry, but boo, really, I've had dogs die, it sucks, but that's nothing... that's nothing...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Y'know, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well, I was very sad when she died. It was not a matter of age, it was pretty much, yeah, she was very sickly, there was nothing we could do, so I, I signed that form to give them permission to put her to sleep. I let her, I let her go, that was an emotional burden on me. And I have, I have been, my aunt Corrina died just a few months, just a few months, just last January, because of, because of heart cancer.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''laughs in disbelief''] Are you, are you...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It was very, it was very saddening, I was very...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I'm sorry, are you messing with me? Are you trying to compare the loss of my mother, the loss of someone who took care of me for years, to a dog? Are you calling my mother a dog?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am not calling your mother a dog.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''[[stress sigh]] of his own''] I had to dig my mother out of the rubble of the Twin Towers. I mean, and you had to lift a doghouse.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I'll tell you, that doghouse was heavier than any tombstone. And that doghouse pretty much was the tombstone!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Sounds like you're fucking with me now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am not! I am being very HONEST with you sir! I'm telling you the honest truth from my, from my sound mind and my sound heart.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I'm starting to, I'm starting to really kinda doubt this whole honesty thing you keep talking about. How do you think, how do you think Kacey would feel if I told her about this? What do you think, how do you think she would feel about you comparing this whole lifting a 30-, 50-pound doghouse to maybe a 100-, 200-pound tombstone? That doghouse was probably, what, made of wood? This is solid rock!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, it was, it was, no, I mean, yeah, this is, it was wood ''and'' plastic, that thing had to weigh over a hundred pounds!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Plastic's pretty light, you know. I'm sorry, this is, this isn't even close to the same.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''heavy sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And that's just, that's just that...you know, if you had told this to Kacey, she would probably be, she would be so angry. You're just totally grasping at [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|straws]] at this point.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''mutters under his breath''] Yeah, well, also I've been to a whole bunch of this, also, to go off talk, off-topic a bit, or going back to an old topic, that I have been DECEIVED BY THE TROLLS! A bunch of them pretending to be women who I thought were honest over the Internet when I was talking to them for the first time for a while!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> WHO GIVES A SHIT about the Internet?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And some, and some of them, and some of them were actually, and some of them were actually two honest women...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> BE A MAN...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And those [[PandaHalo|two]] [[Ivy|women]] died! I was very, I was very heartbroken by that! And yet I was even more heartbroken when I found out that...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I, I...I may not admit, okay, well, yes...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Wait, wait, didn't you say, fake women? Did you say that these women were fake? So wait, these women were probably fake...fake women died?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''in a state of great consternation''] I didn't, I didn't...no! I'm talking about, no, two of them, a coup-, a few of them were real women.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And how many of these women have you gone through?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have not been able to go to them. But one, there was this [[Julie|one time]] where I actually thought it was a woman, and I actually drove a whole, a whole, a whole day's worth back and forth, almost 24 hours, from my house to Cleveland, Ohio, where it turned out that was, that was, that was a bad lead. I drove a whole, I drove a whole, almost 20, I drove from five in the morning to 12 o'clock, to about, just after about, after midnight. To find out that the destination was a bad one, and that was, that was an imposterous troll.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So you went to go to...Ohio, for a fake woman, but my Kacey just told me that you won't go and visit her, a real woman?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I, I, I, I...[''angry, incoherent stammering'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I am looking at Kacey right ''now''.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> But you're in...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You wouldn't even go to D.C., that's like two hours away. And you've met her before, for God's sake?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I mean, I was more naïve, I was more naïve back then, but I am very less naïve now. I have been very less naïve for about, for about a year now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I am not convinced.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''He's snapping.''] OH COME ON. YOU SHOULD BE CONVINCED!<br />
<br />
===The maggot manchild and shit starts to hit the fan===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''Laughing with frustration''] "Oh come on"? You know who, you know who you're talking to, son? What the fuck is this? Now you're just talking back to me like a little kid. Don't yell at me, you maggot! Piece of shit.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, yeah, you, you're obviously talking to me like, as if I was a child. And I am not a child.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Because you are a child, you're acting like a child.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am not a child, I am a MAN. I am a STRONG MAN. I have been through a whole bunch of emotional and physical traumas in my life!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You haven't proven a thing to me, you've shown me nothing that could even possibly suggest that you are a man.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, sometimes my memory fails me!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You're just sitting around in your parents' house, crying about your little dog, playing video games, whining about women on the Internet. Some lazy little maggot...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Full-blown tard rage erupts.''] I AM NOT, I AM NOT LAZY!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You're living with your parents and you don't have a job, how is that not lazy?!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, maybe I, maybe I don't have a job, but I do work around the house! I lift a whole bunch of...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Chores! I do those every day, and I'm retired!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> They're not just chores! They're not just chores.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yes-they-are! EVERYONE works around the house.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Maybe everyone works around the house, but they don't, they differ from burden to burden to... [''stress sigh''] ...heavy weights! I mean...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I've seen, you know, I was looking around that YouTube, I saw [[Tour of Chris's House|a video of your house]]. It's a FUCKING MESS! You call that working around the house? Are you trying to be, and you're trying to be some kind of house-husband or something?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, most of that mess belongs to my mother and I can't really, I can't really organize it without her being able to help me, without her being able to point out where to put everything!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Oh, it's your mom's fault. That's real mature.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> She's a, well, okay, yeah, I admit, she's a bit of a pack rat. And since she retired from secretarial work, she's been more lazy, I'll admit that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But your room is a mess, too. What do you have to say about that? I mean, this is nothing. At this rate...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''On the edge of tears''] It may be nothing, it may be, it may be nothing...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You're a pack rat too.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am not a, I am not that bad of a pack rat. I mean, I even brought, I even brought a bunch, I even brought practically all that stuff into the house. And I had to bring in a couch and I had to bring in the hutch, among other pieces of furniture, among the smaller pieces of stuff, smaller bunches of junk that my mom got! That's a lot, that's a lot of heavy lifting. And it was very hard.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Who doesn't have to push furniture? All this stuff you're talking about, these heavy burdens sound like stuff everybody has to do at least at some point. This is nothing, this is just regular, everyday housework. This isn't real work. This is chores.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I...oh! And you don't think...!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This is kids' stuff.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh, and you don't think carrying your soldier friend on your back was a heavy burden? That was a heavy burden?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What...what the fu...are you mocking me?!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am not mocking you!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Is this...are you comparing...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm just, I'm just pointing out, I'm just pointing out that what you did was a heavy burden under...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't know even know what to say to this!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I mean, that is, yeah, that is a heavy burden because you were fighting to save, you were fighting to save your friend's life...<br />
<br />
===Kacey returns===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Kacey, c'mon, come over here. You gotta listen to this guy. This is great.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Oh, what's up, daddy?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What is...I mean...this guy is just fucking with me...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Daddy, you sound mad, what's wrong?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This guy's just fucking with me, he's not even, he's not even respecting me at all. He's a disrespectful...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> What, he's disrespecting you? What is he doing?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't know, he's just talking about all this faggot kiddie shit. How he has to move chairs and do, oh no, housework! And he's comparing that to when your grandma died.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> He's WHAT?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yeah. I mean, he's talking about all these "heavy burdens" he's had to face, you know, saying it's a heavy burden, kind of like...of course, you remember when we lost grandma...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Oh my God, I know, I had to volunteer just to get my mind off it...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This guy has nothing to offer you.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''He's still combative.''] I have a lot to offer her!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have plenty to offer her!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Like what?!<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Don't yell at my father like that! You need to respect him, he's a retired Marine!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''sigh''] I do respect your father, Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Well, you need to be nice to him! What are you going to do if he doesn't like you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''another sigh''] I mean, I want, I was being nice to him, but then he started to insult me, he was talking down to me like as if I was a child, when I'm an adult.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I already don't like...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Chris! He's way older than you! He's your elder! To him, you are a child! I'm a child to him!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, well, I guess in compar-, I guess in comparison, yeah, that is true. But I just don't like being talked, I just feel, I just basically, just turns me off when I'm talked down to and such. I mean, I have to put up with my father talking down to me and such, and he starts more arguments than there are flies in the garbage dump!<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Okay, but my father doesn't get angry easily.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''heavy sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> You can't act like a child like that! He is your elder! You're trying to ask him PERMISSION.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> What are you doing?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well...yeah...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Apologize!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah... [''heavy sigh''] Yeah. [''more sighing''] I apologize, Matthew. I apologize for talking back to you. I just got, I got, I got carried away. Especially from feeling like I was being talked down to. Mm...I mean, surely, yeah, you can understand that, I'm sure your father talked down to you, you, even when you were about my age. And I do not mean to insult you or your father, I just felt like it was a fair compar-, I just felt like it was a good comparison there, but anyway. I apologize for yelling at you, and raising my voice.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't even know how you think you can call me by my name right now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't believe a goddamn word you just said. I'm sorry. No, I'm not sorry, actually.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well...believe it or not, it is the whole, honest truth, that I have been telling you this whole time.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Honest. [''snort''] If that's the truth, I'm afraid to say you're pretty fucked. You're just using people from the Internet as scapegoats for your problems. And you were lying when you first met Kacey. That's what I've gotten about this. You...are not good enough for my daughter. Chris, on the other hand, has my blessing.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''massive stress sigh'']<br />
===Literature and health===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And if the Internet is such a problem for you, I mean, just get rid of it. What do you have to do? Just call up whoever it is, AOL, whatever it is you use, just call 'em and say "I don't want the Internet anymore." That's all you have to do. You don't need it for anything. Go to a library!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I have a bunch...yeah, well, I have a bunch of ties on the Internet and for your information I do go to libraries. I read a lot of books.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really? What was the last book you read?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> {{anchor|Mockingbird}}The last book I read... was ''[[Wikipedia:To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]''.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's high-school shit.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You call this high-school, I call it adult, I call it...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Kacey read that in high school, Kacey read that as a freshman in high school.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I call it adult drama.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> An adult drama.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. It was very dramatic, and I felt for the characters in that, in that story, just like I feel for every character, all the characters in the stor-, in the stories that I have read, throughout my whole life.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So what exactly did you learn from this book?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''long pause''] I... have... learned... that I have to be able to cope and be patient with, with a, with everybody who makes, a whole lot of people that may appear to be impatient or that could be hard to put up with. Like George had to put up with Lenny throughout the story. I mean, I'd say that's...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's ''[[Wikipedia:Of Mice and Men|Of Mice and Men]]''.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh, I'm sorry, I'm getting my stories mixed up. Yeah. Yeah. ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yeeeaaaaah... did you even read this book?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes I did! The dramatic story, the story about that girl who was living with her family throughout the Depression and there was that guy in the store who was nice enough to leave her gifts in the tree trunk. That was like, that was definitely a story of, like, definitely, you know, be kind to your neighbor and they'll, and they'll, and they'll be kind to you. That's still another kind of, another, it's another story where you have to learn to be patient...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That doesn't sound like the American classic that I know. I'm sorry. This is... just sounds like a bunch of horseshit. Do you remember the court scene?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry, the what?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> The court scene in the book? That was pretty big, it was a pretty major part of the book. Do you even remember who [[Wikipedia:Atticus Finch|Atticus Finch]] was? That was probably the pivotal moment of the book.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Atticus... hm... Atticus... hm, I do believe that was the lawyer in that story.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yesss... man, you call yourself smart? You aren't smart enough for Kacey. When did you read this?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I... I've read it, about a month ago.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> A month ago.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Rage button pushed''] Stuff... candy... don't... I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! sI tuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Wooooowww! [''laughs''] What the fuck are you talking about? I mean, I don't even know what the hell...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I eat and drink healthy.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you look like that. You don't even know what I just said, do you? You completely missed that I was, that little analogy back there.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, no, I...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Kacey says you eat [[McDonald's]]. You say you eat healthy, but you eat at McDonald's?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have a, I have salads over at McDonald's. And I drink the lemonade over there.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That lemonade is full of sugar. You know, [[Liquid|Chris]] is, Chris is fit, I've seen that man, he has rock-hard abs. That guy makes a Marine proud. And he can cook, he doesn't go to McDonald's because he doesn't need to.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I can cook too! And sometimes I do cook!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know, he and Kacey like to go running together. Why don't you go running with Kacey, rather than sitting around eating fast food all day?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do go out, I do go out for jogs, sir. I do go out jogging. And if Kacey was here I would be happy to go jogging with her. Or even running, I'd be happy to do that as well.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You think you could do five miles like Kacey and Chris do? Five miles?<br />
<br />
[[Image:208x228 Advice-CWC-I-JOG-FIVE-MILES-A-DAY.jpg|thumb|Yep!]]<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yep!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's a brisk jog.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes, I could do five miles with Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Someone who looks like you can run five miles? I'm sorry, that's bullshit.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You're...[''angry sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You look like you couldn't even do five seconds running. In fact, I was watching, I was watching those push-ups, you got winded after... that was thirty seconds of push-ups and you were sweating like a pig.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''indignant''] Well, wouldn't you sweat?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't...with that much...? Fuck, that's nothing.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> WARRIORS, WARRIORS...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I'm a Marine. Not after... a few push-ups like that? That's nothing. Okay, but... how much and how often do you jog? I sweat maybe... maybe after, I don't know, ten miles on a hot day.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have been jogging for about fifteen minutes on a daily basis.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Fifteen minutes. So you go...you go, what, a quarter of a mile and you call it quits? That's pussy shit. And that's just jogging. Kacey could run, Kacey runs for at least an hour.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, that's good.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Five miles is like a two-hour jog, you know.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I have a, I have a whole bunch of potential, I can run five miles with Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I would love to see that. I mean, why don't you? You can't... you say you could. You're just saying you have potential. That doesn't sell me. You can't sell me with "potential." Why don't you run five miles, and maybe, maybe I'll think otherwise.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It would be hard to video, to video-record five mile running. But I can run five miles, with Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You can?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes, I can! And I will the first chance I get!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But why with Kacey, though, why can't you just do it on your own? You have a camera, don't you? It wouldn't be so hard to just hold a camera and run, would it? That's easily, easily do-able.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Why don't you just figure out how to do that? You said you're good with computers. I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a [[Wikipedia:Microsoft Windows|Windows]] is.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You barely know what a Windows is?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Don't...[''sputters'']... don't patronize me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that. I could figure out how to hold a camera and fuckin' run for five miles. That's...how could you not figure out how to do that?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, think about this, do you think the batteries would be able to last five miles?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Running? Shit. You're running, you're not jogging, it's not gonna take two hours.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, still, yeah, well... yeah, well, I can't...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Besides, think of it as a time limit of some sort, you know? You gotta run fast enough so you can get all of it in before the batteries run out. That would take like... half an hour at most. Batteries last that long.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Alright, so a half hour running? I'll be happy to do a half hour of running with my digital camera.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''laughs''] Fine. Show me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Alright, I will.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Until then, until then, you are not good enough for Kacey. You are just a maggot.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well. You may call me a maggot, but I'm a pretty dang strong one.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I'm gonna go talk to Kacey, I gotta tell her, you do not deserve Kacey. Kacey lifts more than you, how does that feel? The strong man outdone by a woman.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well I may not feel pleasant, if that was the case, then I could not say I did not try.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''laughs'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> But I...<br />
===Liquid Chris and minimum wage jobs===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> While you're at it, you don't, you don't try, if you had tried you would have gotten out of your house, you would have gotten a job, you would have... you would be like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''long pause''] Yeah, well, I am much stronger and I am much better than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't think so.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh, yes I am!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But why don't you have, you don't have a job! You're not stronger than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]], you're not smarter than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am stronger and I am smarter than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]]!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You're not living on your own. How can you even say that? And he's younger than you!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I say that because it's true.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't think so.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You do not think so...you may not think so...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I was so happy, when Kacey said she was going to marry [[Liquid Chris|Chris]]. But then, I don't know, he vanished or something, I don't know what happened...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, that would be the point where he made his video on [[YouTube]] where he pretended he was being kidnapped and then that's where he hid away for a number of, for a few months.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yeah, and that devastated her. You don't know how much she missed him.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do, I do, because she has shared that with me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I mean, I would much rather believe him...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> She has shared that with me and I have comforted the her. I have emotionally supported her.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't think she... she wasn't nearly that, I don't think she was nearly as happy as when the police finally called her about that. I think you're just trying to get, I think you're just trying to get my little Kacey for a booty call.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Believe me sir, it would not just be for a booty call, it would be for a strong relationship with all the loyalty and trust and honesty that a woman can ever want. [''shifts to a momentous tone, half under his breath''] EVER.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966"> '''Dad:'''</font> But you can't even move out. She needs a man, a man who can support himself and keep a job. You got fired from [[Wendy's]], most people quit because it sucks. You got FIRED. You weren't GOOD ENOUGH for Wendy's. What are you gonna do, what are you gonna do if she gets pregnant and she can't work?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> If she gets pregnant and can't work, then I would be working. I would be working VERY HARD AND HEAVILY.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What kind of job?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> If I have to I would be, get one of the heavyweights, that just moves the boxes around the, stock the shelves at a grocery store. At the least. If not better.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That makes minimum wage at best. That's not a real job. You know how much minimum wage is?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> At the current rate, it's about $8 an hour.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's not good enough! Get a good job! You can't live off that! Especially after taxes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I can get a good job, and I will.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> If you want to do lifting, you go work in a warehouse or something. And last I checked, minimum wage was $7.25.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''takes a contemptuous tone''] Huh! You must have checked, no offense, but you must have checked like five years ago. [''In fact, [[Wikipedia:List of U.S. minimum wages|Matt is correct]].'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And how would you know? You don't have a job!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Because it was over five years ago, I was working for that minimum wage, and that was $7.50.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That wasn't minimum wage.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes it was. And that was back at Wa-Wendy's!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know you can get paid more at jobs than minimum wage? I just looked it up right now, it says $7.25.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hm. Maybe that's average minimum wage.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Don't lie to me. Look...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am not lying to you.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Kacey, come on, Kacey, come over here, listen to this horseshit, ''listen to this horseshit''.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''heavy sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> What's wrong now, Daddy?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What's this he's talking about... minimum wage is $7.25, right?<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Yeah. It went up in July, I remember because it was around my birthday.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This guy's lying again. Why is it...I'm looking right here on this webpage, that's exactly what it says.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Yeah, it happened on July 24, that was like...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Why does this guy keep lying to me? How do I know that anything he says is true?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I stand corrected! I stand corrected. On current minimum wage.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Don't argue with me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Alright.<br />
===Respect and listening skills===<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Is he being disrespectful again, Daddy?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> He's always been... he's been disrespectful this whole time.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''heavy sigh''] I have not been lying!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> When Kacey says it, when Kacey says it you believe it now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> I just don't understand.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't understand either.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I can't say I'm in full understanding either. <br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> That doesn't even make sense. Like, I shouldn't have to pick up the other line and have to hear this. I mean, what are you doing, are you trying to sabotage this?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No. Just, throughout, throughout this whole conversation I have been telling the [[True and honest|honest truth]], from memory. As far as I know.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Okay, but this doesn't make sense. Like, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] charmed my dad within five minutes. Why are you still fighting with him? Why are you lying to my father?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have not been lying to your father. I have been telling him the truth throughout my best and honest knowledge. From my heart and from my head.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> What are you wanting me to think, that you're dumb or something?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I...wh...no. [''pause''] I, I...[''drowned out by Kacey'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Well, then what's going on?! Why does my dad look so upset? I haven't seem him this upset in a long time.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I can't read, I cannot read his mind, so...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Well, no, no-one expects you to, but you could be respectful to him.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, um, I mean, yeah, I was doing my best to be respectful. But then...and then he started, he started...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> My Dad is not going to lie to me, and obviously whenever I get on the phone you're calm and everything, so is something going on when I'm not on the phone? Like are you being two-faced?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation. I swear, hand to [[God]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> You shouldn't do that, we don't swear to God, and my dad wouldn't lie to me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> One-faced side of bullshit.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, he's been contradicting me, and talking to me in a negative way...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Okay, you guys, I'm going to go. Talk nice.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have been, I have been, I was talking nice. And then he started contradicting me with those words, like, yeah, and, uh, hm, and put, and putting me down, like even call, even call, even calling me a pussy, or, among other things. And then that, and then that just...grinded my gears.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know, Kacey is gone. She's not listening right now. She didn't hear anything you just said.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''heavy sigh'']<br />
<br />
'''Portal Turret:''' Target lost.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Stop [[sigh]]ing so much.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I'm speechless at the moment.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Didn't you just hear, she... hear her say she was getting off?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Uhh...hear her say she was getting off?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Do you pay attention to anything? Ever? To the words that I am saying?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I, I'm, I do pay attention. But I, I did not hear "I'm getting off."<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This is... this, do you even listen to her at all? How can you be a good boyfriend? You don't listen to anything.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I, I do, I do listen! And I, and ob-, obviously, she must have said it in a quiet tone, because I did not hear it. [''Actually Chris was talking over her at the time, but never mind.'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But this is... she was pretty upset. She wasn't that quiet.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> W... well, I'm sorry she's upset.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And now, what I'm saying right now, is that before you can say you are better than Chris, you need to get a job, you need to move out from your parents, you need to be independent. You need to show me that you're a man. And you... you also have to have the ability to not lie to me. I'm getting all tongue-tied, because...just...you don't know how frustrating this is. I mean, I haven't done that in years.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes, I agree with you, this is frustrating.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you are lucky her mother isn't here.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And I pro-, and I send... I promise you. I have not been lying.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> How is this, how is this frustrating to you? You sound like you just have the easiest life in the world.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Because, because, because, because you're, because you're frustrated, and your frustration is reflecting onto me and it's making me feel frustrated. It's making me feel frustrated.<br />
<br />
===Chris's pathetic life and diseased ticker===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You sit around...what are you going to do after this? You're gonna go home, you're gonna go play [[video games]] again or something?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Nobody can get you to do anything. Play your [[Pokemon|Pokeymans]], watch [[TV]]. Sleep. Eat [[McDonald's]]. That's, that's your life.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That is not my life.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Isn't it?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It's a lot, it's a lot more than that. I do a lot more than...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Oh, yeah, I forgot, you do chores, too.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> See, this, you know, this is why I was talking to Kacey about...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You talk and you get angry at people on the Internet who you've never seen before.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, see, right now you're just...you're just saying some, saying some of the things that sit aside from the good for me, honest, from, aside from the good things, yeah, everything I've said, I have been, I have been very honest about, and you're just taking the bad pieces that can, you're just taking some of that honesty and you're just reflecting it onto me and, you're just making it sound bad. Like it's a bad thing. And that makes me feel bad.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> It IS a bad thing. What good qualities do you have that aren't LIES? You started this whole relationship on a lie. My daughter doesn't deserve that. And now you're blaming me for all this that's going on.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, fuck it, I'm gonna, could you just, look, okay, well, you did not let me say that...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You just met me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, okay, well, I'm talking to you over the phone, that is [''dissolves into gibberish momentarily'']...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You don't...it just sounds like you don't want to admit any of your faults. You just...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am, I am happy to admit my faults.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes. Okay, well, for one, sometimes, I don't think things through and I make, end up in the decision I thought was good at first may end up being the bad decision. <br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> O... kay?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> But yeah, I have been improving on that and thinking things through fully. Making sure that...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Everyone does that, everyone, you know, makes a mistake every now and then. Okay?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Let's start with something easy. Let's tell me...tell me...how about you admit that you're, well, okay, I'll just say it. [[FAT]]. And lazy.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> {{anchor|Buddha belly}}Okay, well, I admit I do have a Buddha belly, but I am not lazy, I do get out and about, I exercise, I jog and work out, and I eat healthy.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Doesn't show at all. How often do you watch TV? And you said you jog for fifteen minutes. That's... that's not gonna burn calories.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I'm working up to thirty minutes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Thirty minutes. And compared to...how does this compare to how much TV you watch?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> For your information, I watch only about four hours of television.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Four hours of television.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> In a day.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> A day. That... I don't think that's true. That just doesn't sound, you kinda paused right there? You sound like you actually had to think about it for a second. I don't think that's true.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, when I had to count it up, I did have to think about it. But yes, it is true, I watch four hours of television in a day.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Four hours, that's still quite a bit, hasn't Kacey told you anything about how important it is to take care of yourself?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes, we have, we have talked about that. And I have listened to her about that, and I have been taking the appropriate steps and abiding with her words in mind and heeding her advice as such.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really...because she's still pretty worried about you, she says. She think something's gonna happen to you, you know. She thinks it's not looking good. And didn't she, she told me you were on [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]]?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hmm.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I mean, I know about that stuff. That's something people my age take. I don't take it myself, but I know people who do.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, for your information, my doctor got me off, took me off [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]] a couple of months ago.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I still don't think you...you still don't sound like you're terribly healthy. Okay, watching TV aside, and you play video games, how long do you do that a day, huh? I mean, with how much you sit around, your metabolism must not be so hot.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> How long... do I sit around? I would not say that I sit around that much. I would say...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And play... okay, how much do you play video games?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> About two hours in a day.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Two hours a day.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, so that's at least six hours you spend sitting around doing absolutely nothing in your room. That's a quarter of a day. In six hours you could have worked a part-time job.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I, but, the time I do not spend in front of the television is the time I spend exercising. That's about half of the day.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You do not spend half of a day exercising. If you spent half a day exercising, you would have at least lost that little [[Wikipedia:Budai|Buddha belly]] and those man-tits of yours.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, now I'm feeling insulted with those, with what you just said there.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you just told me fifteen minutes, so you're lying again.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, maybe, yeah, well, fifteen minutes jogging, upon the pacing of the spacing of the jogging.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, so you don't even run fifteen minutes altogether, at one time?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It's fifteen, they're, fifteen minutes, they're fifteen-minute intervals, like I do fifteen minutes in one hour, then the next hour I do another fifteen minutes of jogging.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But that doesn't help you at all. All that...that means there's 45 minutes of you doing nothing every hour. By then your heart rate has gone down, the exercise is gonna do nothing for you.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> My heart rate has been, has been good.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''chuckles'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I can guarantee that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Do you even know what you're talking about?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes, I do, I am talking...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Do you even know how to check your heart rate?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes I do.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, how?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I put my fingers on my pulse, count the number of beats through ten seconds, and then I multiply by six. That's, that's...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Where do you check for your pulse?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Put two fingers on my wrist or on my neck. Or put it on my chest where my heart is.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, so what's a good heart rate for you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> About seventy-two beats per minute.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Seventy-two beats per minute.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> To about a hundred beats per minute.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Uh-huh. So what's your heart rate right now?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Alright... [''long silence''] Alright, let me find that...yeah. It's approximately, it is approximately eighty-four right now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Eighty-four from just sitting around?<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I've been listening. Chris, that's a serious medical condition. What are you talking about? Normally your heart doesn't beat that fast unless you've done exercise.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hm.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> That's like [[Wikipedia:arrhythmia|arrhythmia]] or [[Wikipedia:tachycardia|tachycardia]]. What are you doing?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, right, you know, well, I did get a little bit of [[stress]] from some of the conversation.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Stress doesn't do that. That's like a serious medical condition. And I heard you talk to my dad, you don't listen to anything I say when I worry about you. You still go to [[McDonald's]], and I told you those salads aren't healthy. I bet you haven't even lost one pound. Don't you care that I think you're gonna die? [''Chris stammers briefly in response''] That you're probably going to lose motion in your body if you don't exercise enough? This is important to me!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. It is.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> What're you going to do? You're gonna die before you're thirty.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''pause''] Hm. [''pause, then sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Hmph.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> If anything, that means you have way too much caffeine in your system. If you have something that high. That's either, you can get that from smoking, from too much fat, from too much caffeine...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hm. Yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> [''Her voice breaks, on the verge of crying.''] It's like you don't even care! Dad was right, you are being disrespectful!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Attempting to sound empathetic''] Kacey, I do care. [''sigh''] Even though, even though it may not, even though it may shot 'n I've shot, I do care. Believe me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Yeah. Because it's that hard for you to stop going to McDonald's. But you've still been going. Right?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have been going less.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> It's not like I didn't... less is not none! Fast food is bad! Period at the end!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''On the defensive''] Yeah, but that was like once a week! Once in a week!<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Once a week is bad! Don't eat any! None!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Alright, I won't go there anymore. I won't go [[McDonald's]] anymore.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Or any fast food!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Alright. I will not go to any fast food, I...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Whatever. It's not like you haven't lied to me before. You're just probably lying to me now. Dad, I can't deal with this anymore...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'M NOT LYING TO YOU! I promise you! I promise you! I promise you, Kacey. I promise you.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> She's gone again.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''stress sigh'']<br />
===Chris blows it, but he's an American!===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> She was pretty, ah...let's say you just blew it, man. She was, she was crying right there. You just fuckin' blew it. Big-time.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''deep sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I just heard the door slam. I wouldn't be surprised if she goes and calls Chris.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hmph. Well...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What do you have to say for yourself? [''Long silence ensues'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, all I can say is...that's your opinion, and you have every right to your own opinion.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> It's not my opinion. It just happened. What the hell are you talking about? I'm talking about facts.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, you're talking about, yes you are talking about facts, but you have expressed a whole bunch of your own opinions about what you've heard from me the whole conversation.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And that's all you have to say about the fact that you just upset my daughter? What are you...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That's my response, that's my response about you, but as for Kacey, you know, I just feel, I just feel very sad for her.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't care what you have to say about me. This is about, you should care about Kacey, not me! You have to do something big.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I care about Kacey. I really, truly do.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay. But if you want my opinion right now, I think you should stay away from my daughter. Unless you really, REALLY turn around your life. You're not even close to Chris right now. You have to do something big to get her back. You have to get a job, at the very least. Lose, I dunno, 50 pounds. Move out. Then I might consider you, MAYBE.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you have to keep your promises, because she says you never do.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do keep my promises.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And I think she should be with [[Liquid Chris|her real fiancé]] right now. [''Long silence''] I mean, he treats her like a princess. You treat her like... a set of tits and ass.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, I treat her like a princess as well. I treat her, more importantly... as a friend... a true friend, a good friend...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That doesn't sound like it at all.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You don't know. I mean...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I do know. Because she talks to me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, well... points of view.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I can't even stand your voice. So whiny, all this sighing, it's like a baby. You'll never be as good as Chris at this rate.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am a lot better than Chris. Belieeeeeeeeve me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You're not even a functioning human. You're leeching off my government.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have a functioning image...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I met Chris in real life, he's an upstanding young man. How are you better than this?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I... am an [[American]]! I am proud to be an American and [[I am STRONG]]. I am an individual...<br />
<br />
[''Portal'' can again be heard faintly in the background]<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Don't tell, don't tell me you're an American.<br />
<br />
[Portal can again be heard]<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I was born in America, I was raised in America my whole life, I never left the United States of America.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You can't tell me you're patriotic...if you were patriotic you wouldn't even have thought about making that video, [[Twin Falling Towers|that 9/11 video]]. I still can't believe why you made that. It doesn't matter. You don't... do that! You're not acting like a patriot, you're acting more like a terrorist.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression. At least I, at least I was man enough to admit I was wrong and I am, I did my best to undo the mistake by deleting my video, and making the apology.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know, Chris and Kacey are Americans too. And "sorry" doesn't undo the fact that you made that video.<br />
<br />
===Chris's love and memory===<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It may not, but at least I admitted I was wrong. And it takes a man to admit when he is wrong.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you still made it. You... you're not a man. Stop trying to call yourself a man. I mean, it takes a real man to change, and you haven't.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do change my habits. I have been changing my habits. And I have been better from the habits I have changed.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's a lie. You haven't done shit.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I...I have done a lot more than you can, than you are thinking right now. Or that you could ever think at this moment.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You said you stopped at a McDonald's, and you didn't... that's such a simple little thing, and you still lied about it. You can't stop eating fast food. What makes you think you can turn around and get a job and stop leeching off the government? And stop lying to Kacey?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''pauses''] Because... I am me, I have faith in me, and I am strong within myself.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I bet you don't even love Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do love Kacey!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I bet if Kacey left you right now, right this very moment, you would...you'd probably cry, for maybe just a couple seconds, then you'd go out and find another girl on the Internet.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [[The Wallflower|No!]]<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Wouldn't you? And even if you do love Kacey, you don't love Kacey nearly as much as Chris loves Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do love Kacey, truly and deeply. And I care about her, about that much, probably more.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And so does Chris, and he can prove it, so why don't you? You can't even stop eating McDonald's for her.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''pauses''] I can so prove it, and I will.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> God. You know, he knows her favorite color, and her favorite flower. I'm sure you don't.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Her favorite color is "tarquoise".<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Turquoise? That's... that's wrong.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It's a blue-green shade. ''[Chris is correct here, at least. On his [http://pastebin.com/8FxWDZq6 creepy date] with Kacey, she said her favorite color was [[Wikipedia:Teal (color)|teal]].]''<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, favorite flower.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''sigh''] I cannot say that I, I cannot say that I remember her favorite flower at the moment.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Aha. Really.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It could have been maybe because she did not mention her favorite flower yet. But she did tell me her favorite color. It was a shade, it was a blue-green shade. So turquoise is ''close''.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Can you remember anything? Okay, I bet you don't even remember some of the stuff I just said today. You probably don't even remember who in my family dies in 9/11, do you? I just said that, what, half an hour ago?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You, you said that your daughter, that your daughter was giving blood in New York, right by the 9/11 site.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, but who DIED, who of my family died in 9/11?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> The grandma.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> My grandma?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Her grandmother.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Who is?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You did not mention her name.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> No... [''exasperated sigh''] ... no, okay, her grandmother, who is...?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Your mother.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> How long did that just take you? Good boy! God, this is just like talking to a preschooler.<br />
<br />
===Matthew crosses the line and Chris's reaction time===<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry, talking to a what?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> A preschooler. God. This is... man. You can't have Kacey, with this kind of, this is just ridiculous. I can't believe I'm talking to someone who's so... [[naïve]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''angry intake of breath''] You just crossed a line. You just crossed a line. By saying the word "naïve." That is like the worst insult to me...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What line?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> A line. You crossed the line. You've just... you just really ticked me off right there when you said that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What're you gonna do about it?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Nothing at the moment.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> "Nothing at the moment"?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Because I can't really do anything, I'm not right there in front of you, now, am I? I'm talking to you over the phone. The only thing I could do right now is let you know that you just crossed a line. By saying that word.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Are you... wait, wait, wait a minute, are you trying to threaten me? You trying to threaten an ex-Marine?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, I... no, I am not threatening you, I am not threatening you. I am in no position to threaten an ex-Marine. And I understand that, and I respect you as such.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, so what are you saying? I could whoop your naïve little ass with my pinky if I wanted to. Kacey could whoop your ass! I'm surprised she hasn't already.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well. I would be able to defend myself.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So you would hit Kacey?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, I would not hit Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Have you ever defended yourself?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have defended myself.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''exhales in disbelief''] I'm sure that was something to see. Have you... I mean, I'm sure, I can see what would just happen. She'd probably try to throw a punch and you'd just bounce her off with your Buddha belly. Or so you call it.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I would either step to one side or block it with an arm!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''laughs''] That little limp-wristed twig of yours? You're pretty big, but you've got some pretty scrawny arms. And you're a pretty big target, she'd be...pretty hard to miss you. I've seen her punches.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't think you'd be able to react fast enough.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, you have not seen how I can, how fast I can react.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You can't even react fast enough to what I'm saying.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Because I'd like to spellcheck, and make sure I'm not making any mistakes. Make sure that my mind and my mouth are in sync.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Making... mistakes...?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> My mouth does not go faster than my mind.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What are you even...?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That's another, that is another one of my flaws, I am willing to admit. Sometimes my mouth goes faster than my brain.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Well, I bet that's not the only thing that goes faster than your brain. Are you trying to say you're some kind of computer or something? But this is, you're getting completely off the point. So tell me why, exactly, you aren't [[naïve]]? Why is this crossing the line so much?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Because it's insulting my intelligence.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What line did I cross exactly?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And I do not appreciate that. You made me feel... [[anger]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Because you haven't proven your intelligence to me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, just like a computer, my brain is random. It picks up memories at random. I cannot simply access them sometimes, even though most of the time I can. But sometimes I can't, and they later come back to me at random.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay... Here's how intelligent you really are, and that's because being naïve has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Look it up in the dictionary.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I have looked it up in the dictionary. It has nothing to do with intelli... what are you talking about? What dictionary are you looking in?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Webster's.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Webster's. You know, I'm sure, if you think naïve has to do with... I'm sure your "[[autism]]" is just some sort of blanket term for "retarded" for you. Isn't it?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'll admit I have had some slow-minded moments. But I am certainly not ''totally'' retarded.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> No. I'm looking at my dictionary, you know what "naïve" means? It means "inexperienced." Not "unintelligent." I shouldn't be calling you naïve, I should just be calling you a dumbass. But you are naïve as well.<br />
<br />
===Experience and respect===<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I've got a lot more experience than you could imagine.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''chuckles'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have had twenty-seven years of experience.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> With what? Eating [[McDonald's]] and watching [[TV]]? Son, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is younger than you, and he has had far more experiences than you have. And I've had fifty-two years of experience.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, how about being pinned down by three teachers, a guidance counselor, and an elementary school... prinstapull... and having your screams and cries recorded on audiotape like a torture chamber?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> The hell are you talking about?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And have, I was pretty much in that situation there in, back in the fourth grade. They were scared of, scared of...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What did you do, some kind of temper tantrum?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, they were scared of me. They did not understand autism.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So, what, you just had some kind of retard panic attack and they didn't know what to do?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I, it was not a retard, no. It was not! They just hated me because they don't, they did not understand people with autism. And so they tortured me as such. I even ended up with a rash on my neck from that thing, among other things! And we had to find a school system, they wanted to put me in a mental institution! But that was not...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Because you NEED HELP. That's probably where you belong! And you call the other, you call Chris crazy... this is ridiculous.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do not belong in a mental... if I had gone to a mental institution, I would not have graduated high school or gotten my certificate and degree in [[Computer-Aided Drafting and Design]]. I've moved up from what you would consider a retarded state of mind.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I know retards with college degrees. They probably felt sorry for you. They probably just kinda let you through, that's probably what happened.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''angry stress sigh, or perhaps spluttering with rage'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know schools do that. And those other, I call them retards, but really, they're pretty good people. They actually did something with their degrees, believe it or not. People with Down's syndrome have done more than you. And that degree has don nothing for you.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It has done a lot, it has done a lot for me. It's given me the whole bunch of computer experience and potential that I have. And I will get an office job, and I will move out of this house, and I will run five miles!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But you haven't done any of that. If you're gonna say it, then do it.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I would not be saying it if I was not going to do it. That is a promise.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You better do it before Kacey runs back to a real man.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay then.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Because I'm thinking that's going to happen pretty soon here. 27 years and you haven't changed.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, she did, she and I did not meet twenty-seven years ago, she and I met a few months ago.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you... and you haven't, she wasn't alive twenty-seven years ago. That doesn't even make any sense.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, what you said there a moment ago equally did not make much sense either. That was like you were implying, like as if she actually knew me my whole twenty-seven years.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This is insulting to my intelligence, talking to you. You've shown me nothing but disrespect.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have, I have...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I'm sure you show Kacey hardly any more respect than you show me. I've been trying to open your eyes here.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have shown you respect from the lot, for a while during the conversation.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This is the kind of respect you show me, I would hate to see the kind of respect you show Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I show Kacey a lot of respect.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You probably don't even respect her as a person...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do res...I do respect her as a person!<br />
<br />
===Chris is creepy and bad at dating===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know, her sister said you kept trying to touch her when you met her.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Because I was nervous at the time!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You were NERVOUS? What the hell kind of response is that? You're nervous, so you try to touch, so you try to touch a girl? What the hell? That's...that's...that's just sick! That's my daughter, you're trying to touch a girl, you're trying to touch my daughter because you're nervous? Most people try to avoid touching people when they're nervous. Gah, I can't believe I just heard that, I should come and kick your ass right now!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I only touched her shoulder! I thought it was a friend gesture!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Her shoulder? You know, that didn't...I heard otherwise, I'm sorry.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I'm sorry too.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Did you try to kiss her?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Bullshit. She told her sister about what you did. I know. Are you telling me that Kacey lied?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am not saying that. I am not saying that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You trying to tell me that...I heard you did all kinds of other weird shit. You tried to sniff her or something?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> She was sharing her perfumes with me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't think so.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> She wanted my, she wanted my opinion on which perfume smelled better.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> She gave it to you, she said she gave it to you in the bottle first. You could have just opened the bottle and sniffed, you didn't have to sniff ''her'' to do it. That's a little creepy.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, she wanted the perfume, she wanted me to give an honest opinion about... on her.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You did it in front of her and her friend. Have you ever done this before? Is this something you do when you meet girls?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry, could you, could you, ah, repeat that?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Have you...have you ever done this before, to another girl?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mm...yeah, well, we've been talking about the sniffing thing. I just want to make sure I understand what we're talking about here.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yes...anything, any of this creepy....shit. This touching, this kissing, that I've been told you try to do.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well...first off I can definitely, honestly say that I have not kissed a girl yet...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> TRIED.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [[Emily#Kiss_fail|Or even tried to]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> ''Really''? <br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Truly.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yeah, I don't believe, I don't believe a word of that. How many dates have you even been on?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> In my lifetime? [[Hambeast|Only one]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Only one.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And this was a few months ago. Before I met Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Before you met Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And how did that turn out? How did she act towards you? What did she think of you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It turned out that girl just wasn't all that into me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I mean, Kacey met you around August, that was a couple of months ago. So how far along was this?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That one date was back in, was last June.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And now why exactly do you think she wasn't interested in you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I don't know. I am not a mind-reader.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So you can't think of a single reason why she might not have been interested in you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. I can honestly say that I cannot.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You can't think of... I can think of a couple reasons right off the bat, why a girl would not have been into you. I don't even need to think about it. I mean... I mean, you can't even take them on a real date.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I took her on a real date. I took her to [[Wikipedia:Applebee's|Applebee's]], and I paid for her, for what she ate and what she drank there.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You paid for her. And how much was that?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That was about $10.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> $10.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's... $10 for dinner. Are you sure you just didn't go to McDonald's again?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''indignant''] No, this was APPLEBEE'S. And [[Kim]] was there, she could the same, she could tell you the same thing.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So where would you take Kacey? She's a pretty high-class girl. I'm sure you probably didn't even tip.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry, I did not understand the second half of that sentence, after you said "Kacey is a high-class girl."<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I said you probably didn't even tip. So where exactly are you going to take Kacey?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, I did tip.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You even know how much you're supposed to tip.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> About 15% or 20%.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So how much did you tip, then, if you paid $10?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I tipped a buck fifty.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really. <br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's still pretty cheap. You know, Kacey probably wouldn't like that if you tipped her that much. You know she's a waitress, right? Tips are pretty important to waitresses.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yep, I understand that, tips are important. But still, 15% of $10 is a dollar fifty.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's true. Okay, so how much would you tip if you paid, say, $80 for dinner? Which is very possible, if you go to the kind of places Kacey likes to go.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hm... let's see... that would be about $12.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So you would pay just $12, you wouldn't go up to, like, you wouldn't even just toss them a twenty or something? Can you even do math?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I cannot say that my family is of the high-class, hoity-toity, rich type, type of people. We are on average income.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You could at least... they're not rich either. They still left a twenty.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well... good for them.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You're not even on an income. Income would be, like, you actually have a job. Man, Chris treats her so much better than you, shows her so much more respect.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I give you respect throughout the beginning of the conversation.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You've given me nothing.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And then, and then, I started to feel insulted, from being, from being talked down about, about the things I've talked about. And that she told you, like about the McDonald's and the video games and that sort of thing, when I am so much better than that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And I have not seen any of this, because it probably doesn't exist.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It does exist.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I mean, telling the truth isn't, it's not made of Pokeymans and all that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It is not.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And how are you better than all this? You're doing exactly, you're doing just that, talking about stupid fucking Pokeymans and shit. That's all I'm really getting about you. You do nothing but exactly what you've said.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, well, what can you...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You need to be better. Not say you could be better.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> At least I am HONEST when I say I could be better. At least I don't go around lying, pretending that I am an astronaut.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''laughs in disbelief''] You're not. You're not being honest.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, I have been honest. Otherwise I would have said that I was an astronaut, but that would be lying. And I have not been lying this conversation.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Would have been a pretty bad lie, too.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I know, but that's just an example off the top of my head at the moment.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You don't even have the eyes to be an astronaut, I mean, c'mon. You don't have the weight. You especially don't have the weight.<br />
<br />
===Endgame===<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Long silence''] Well... I'll just say that this has been a most experiencing conversation, and I wish you a pleasant evening. Take care, [[Mr. Devoria]], and stay safe. And please give my most fondest regards to Kacey as well. I love her and I care about her very much.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Don't you hang up on me. When did I say that this conversation was over?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well. You could say the insult, I'm getting tired of insults, I feel like I need to go, I feel like I need to go take a shower, and get ready to sleep. We are in the same time zone, it's ten after two right now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Actually, you know, that's fine, you can go whine and weasel your way out of this. You don't even deserve my daughter. What are you gonna do after this, what are you going to do tomorrow? Are you going to get up, sleep, you're going to get up and play video games again. That's... that's...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am not, I will not be that way, I am going to get up and I'm going to be finding a job in the office. And I am going to be jogging for fifteen to thirty minutes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't believe...you know what Kacey's gonna do? She's gonna go to school, and she's gonna call Chris back. That's what she's gonna do.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Snide and superior''] Well, that's what you think she's gonna do. You do not control her.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you know why she's gonna do that? It's because she, because he's the one she wants. You know that song that she made for Chris? She made it for him. Not you. [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey|You know that song, that "Whole New World," from that Disney movie]]? She made that for him.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, she told me she made that for me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Oh, no she didn't.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh yes she did!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I think I know my daughter a little better than you do.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I'll have to check with her on that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> He even sang it for her! I mean, what really made you think it was for you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Because she told me so herself!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> She told ME that she made it for him. Unless you're saying she's lying.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm not, I am not saying she's lying, because...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And I saw that video. You didn't even know the lyrics to that song. You had to look it up. I could see the paper in your hand. And you had to sing over the words, you didn't even get the karaoke version or something. How could you possibly have known the lyrics?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have watched the [[Wikipedia:Aladdin (film)|''Aladdin'']] movie a whole number of times. I would say greater than ten times. In my lifetime. At this point.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you know how I know that was made for him, and not you? Because that song was their song. They know it by HEART. And that has always been their song.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know they were going to sing it to each other at their wedding?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''More silence''] I see.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Well, this, this is really...this has really been enlightening. Learning about just how unworthy a person can be for my daughter. How much of a...I have to congratulate you, though, because you totally did a great job at getting Kacey and Chris back together.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> [''Bursting in''] Seriously, Chris, how could you?! You've been so insulting to my father, and everything...Chris would never have done this! Maybe I did make a wrong decision! I don't think I can do this.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Heavy sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Maybe I was thinking of him all along, maybe I just displaced things. Just, I can't believe you would do this. I was crying, and all you did was argue with my father. You didn't even care enough to check on me, or see if you could talk to me, Chris would never have done that. Chris would have demanded to talk to me right away and he would have calmed me down. I mean, obviously you misunderstood me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I guess...maybe I did.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> You know what? I don't want you. I don't want this, I don't need this right now. I have so much going on with finals and everything, and this is the way you're going to act? Yeah. My father's right. You're going to have to do something HUGE. You can't even work on the comic you promised me, you made me a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing. Where the Hell's the comic, Chris? You know what? You probably still won't make it. So you know what? I can't do this. You need to totally reform your life. I mean, Chris would have come by. He would have driven the two hours just to comfort me once he heard I was crying.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, if I knew where you were I would have driven two hours as well. But I did not know...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> You know you won't! You always want me to come to you. It's stupid.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean... yeah, I would have asked, I mean, I did ask you for your address, but then... and I did ask you for your phone number.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> And I told you that you can't get it until you get my parents to trust you because you know they're overprotective! And you think this is the way you do it?! I bet you're not even gonna finish the comic! You can't even finish it tonight. Or anything. You can't do anything.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I can so.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Well, obviously you're not motivated enough. Because you haven't done anything like that. You've promised me a song a long time ago, never got it. Chris has written me, like, three songs. You promised me tons of things, you never keep your promises. You just sit around playing video games, you made a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing for me. Come on. All I wanted was the damn comic, all I wanted was you just to pay attention. You don't even pick up the phone anymore because of the trolls, because of the [[STRESS]]. I can't do this. I want a real man.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> [''Silence again''] You can't even say anything. Dad, I think you're totally right.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yeah. Don't tell him where we live, I don't want my name and number, I don't want him to know my name and number.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> See?! Look what you've done, Chris. Look what you've done!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry. <br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> It's not like you're gonna do anything to make up for it. So you know what? I don't even care. Dad, you can do whatever, that's all he can say, I'm done.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't know, I don't think I want to get in trouble...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> He's not, Chris, screw this.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't want to get in trouble for beating the shit out of this faggot anyway.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> I'm gonna go, this is too much for me. You can finish this off, Dad.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Silence reigns''] I would like to say...good evening.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So...what are you gonna do now?<br />
<br />
[''Tape runs out'']<br />
<br />
{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Kacey Phone Call]]|nextlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}<br />
<br />
==External links==<br />
*[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=Y1N7JXQ3 mp3 of phonecall]<br />
*Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SKLGsJC6R0 the call on YouTube]<br />
<br />
{{FanChats}}<br />
<br />
[[Category:Phone calls]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Father_Call&diff=123027Father Call2010-11-02T19:29:12Z<p>Kyweaver: </p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image:Matthew_Devoria.jpg|thumb|Artist's interpretation of Matthew Devoria.]]<br />
<br />
Early in [[November 2009]], [[Chris|Solid Chris]] spent a little over two hours on the phone one night with '''Matthew Devoria''' (born 1957), father of his would-be [[sweetheart]] [[Kacey]]. Matthew is a retired [[Wikipedia:United States Marine Corps|U.S. Marine]] who served in the [[Wikipedia:Gulf War|Gulf War]], and a consummate badass with a really sexy voice. Though it is likely that Kacey's "father" in this call was really a 19 year trying to make his voive deeper. However, successfully fooling Chris. <br />
<br />
Chris uses the opportunity of speaking to the father of a heartsweet by boasting of his now legendary [[honest content|honesty]], before going on to [[lie]] his ass off about any topic you care to mention.<br />
<br />
Chris is even playing ''[[Wikipedia:Portal (video game)|Portal]]'' during the phone conversation: if you go to 01:22:21 (2:23 on YouTube video 9), you'll hear a turret saying "[[Target]] lost," seconds after Chris is told by Matthew that Kacey hasn't heard a word Chris has said. ''The irony is undeniable''. One could speculate that trolls were monitoring the call, and triggered the sound effect, as if to point out Chris's lack of attention. Some even speculate that Matthew is probably playing the game, as if to ignore the [[Autism|ignorance]] of our hero.<br />
<br />
Their conversation is...illuminating. This is probably the most blunt assessment of himself and his place in the world that Chris has ever directly received: Matthew berates Chris for his [[Monthly tugboat|laziness]], [[Chris and death|lack of empathy]], [[Sonic the Hedgehog|inability]] [[pokémon|to]] [[video games|grow]] [[sonichu|up]], [[chris and health|unhealthy lifestyle]], [[fat|rotund figure]], and for generally being a failure at life. It is unlikely that Chris will take any of Matt and Kacey's advice to heart, as he retorts by saying that he leads a [[lie|hard life]], which includes such laborious tasks as doing [[:Image:Gibson.jpg|menial chores]], mowing the lawn, which he uses a [[CWC Fighter|riding lawn mower]] to do, and [[Tour of Chris's House|cleaning the house]]. He also claims to be [[I AM STRONG|strong]] and that he [[Guitar Hero|exercises]] [[Mass debating|regularly]], as well as eating healthy by going to [[McDonald's]] only once per week and [[Homo|shoving vegetables down his throat]].<br />
<br />
After being confronted with the truth that he uses the [[trolls]] and his [[autism]] as a crutch, [[stress]] overcame him and Chris became increasingly more [[chris and anger|upset]]. In general, Chris's attitude and immaturity greatly offended Kacey and her father, causing her to rethink her decision and go back to [[CChanSonichuCWC|Liquid]].<br />
<br />
Chris recorded his [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5 November video]] as a follow-up to this conversation, hoping to repair his relationship with Kacey. He then had another [[Kacey and Liquid Call|phone conversation with Kacey]], which didn't go so well...<br />
<br />
==Transcript==<br />
===Matthew makes the scene===<br />
[[Image:Md.PNG|thumb|Chris's drawing of Kacey's father (from [[Sonichu Special 4]]).]]<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Hey Chris, it's Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hi Kacey, how are you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Um, I'm cool, um, I'm over at my parents' house cause, um, they wanted to call cause they saw some of your videos and I gave them the letter...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, all right, actually I'm uploading a [[11042009 51 50|video]] now, I did 51 reps with, uh, 50 pound weights... not really weights, but...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> You did 51 reps or 51 times? 'Cause, reps are different.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You know, lifted them up, 51 times, lifted them up with each arm. 51 times each arm so 102.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Hm. Well, was it hard?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, it was hard, but it was a show of strength anyway.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Um, that's funny cause I have to lift like... 100 or more pounds for my job but, um, let me go ahead and get my dad because he wants to talk to you.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Uh, okay, what's his name? ...Okay.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> I'm sorry I didn't hear you, it's Matthew.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Matthew? Okay.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> All right.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> All right well just give me a minute.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay.<br />
<br />
[''Pause'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Hello, Chris. This is ''Matthew'', Kacey's father.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hello, s-good evening sir, how are you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I'm good, thank you. How are you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm doing good.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Good, good... So, uh... So I've got a couple of questions for you... Well, more than a couple.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That's fine, that's fine, I'm happy to oblige with an an-with an [[honest content|honest]] answer.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, well uh, first and foremost, let's see...you got a job, son?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Not currently but [[Chris's resume|I am working towards getting a job]], I have been filling out applications left and right.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really, really, what kind of places? What kind of skills you got?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, w-yeah, I'm looking a- I'm applying for like uh- retail stores and such, I've got an application for a new CVS in [[Ruckersville]], and uh, one over at [[Wal-Mart]], and had one over at [[Target]]...I have worked before, I've worked at [[Wendy's]] in Ruckersville for a few months... First off I worked off as a sales representative for [[Cutco]] cutlery.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Right, that's minimum wage stuff... Did you go to college or something?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|I went to college]] and, uh, got a degree and a certificate in [[CADD|Computer Aided Graphic and Design]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you're working at...''Target''...I mean, I know the economy's bad but I mean... surely you've gotta, you know, use that somehow, right? ...How old are you again?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm 27... sir.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You're almost ''thirty'' and you're working at, uh...''Target''. You wanna work at Target, I should say.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hm... yeah well, not really sure what kind of jobs my, uh... degree and certificate would get me but I mean like, you know... but I mean, if I-if I did know then I'd certainly strike up on the job...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You got a degree not knowing what kind of jobs you could get... in that field and you've had it for how long? When did you graduate?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Uh...I graduated in 2006.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> 2006, so you've had it for 3 years and you have done nothing with it... Hm, you haven't had any jobs between then?<br />
<br />
===Pokémon volunteer and Chris's home===<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I had-I did-I have done volunteer work... uh...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That doesn't pay, though. Although, what kind? Humor me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What kind of volunteer work? Humor me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> All right, yeah, well, I have the-I helped the children over at the [[The GAMe PLACe|Citizens Gym League]] for the [[Pokémon]] Trading Card Game league a few years back...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> ''Pokémon''? Wait, wait, that...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You know, teach them how to play, build decks from what scraps they had, make sure they kept in order, don't get too crazy...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And...how long ago was this?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry, what was that?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> How long ago was this? I mean, wasn't that Pokémon thing, wasn't that back in [[1990s|the 90s]] when that was really popular? Because I think my youngest daughter used to like that, but you know, that was years ago.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That was the late 90s.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> LATE 90s.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And-um-that's still going strong. Maybe I-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> If you say so.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ...And I have been doing that from 1998 till about 2008. So about 10 years I've been doing that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Right. You've been playing a children's card game for 10 years.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ...Yeah but also like, as you know, like, a form of babysitting.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Babysitting...but doesn't babysitting usually you know, pay? And I mean, that doesn't sound like you're volunteering. When I think volunteering work I think like, you know, Red Cross, that kind of thing. You know, actually going out and really helping people, planting trees, that kind of stuff.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah well, I have-I have been-I have helped people out. You know, I, uh, helped, like, the parents mind...knowing their children were in a safe environment and I helped ensure children were playing and were within the safe environment and that nothing was to go wrong and, uh, and I was respected as an authoritative figure in that sense.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And...but...are you still doing this? I mean, or what are you doing right now? If you stopped, why aren't you doing this anymore?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Ummm...yeah, I was kinda like, uh, you know, uh, not so good at showing up, so it was like my choice on ending that, you know. But yeah, it was kind of a sad day for me, you know, to have to put that behind me, but you know we gotta move on. But anyway, aside from that I...I've been searching and, uh, doing yardwork for my family and other sorts of...heavy lifting.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Right, right...Well anyways, I'm done talking about, uh, Pok-e-man now. I got a couple more. So, uh, what kind of place you got, you got a place of your own? Where you living at?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah...I'm currently living in a [[14 Branchland Court|2-story house]] with my [[mother]] and my [[father]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Living with your parents, age 30. Got it. [''Chris tries to interrupt''] Almost 30, excuse me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, uh, I hope that, uh, doesn't strike you in a bad thing, but its like, uh, I just did not feel comfortable leaving the safety of my home with the uh, for a while.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And uh, why is that exactly?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Cause I could not really, I just did not feel, you know, like I was ready for a place of my own just yet.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You gotta leave somehow, you've gotta leave at some point. I think most of my kids will, you know, move out 18, 20... I'm okay if they hang out while they're in college but after that they gotta start looking for a place of their own, you know?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah...yeah. But, you know, to each their own individual growth rates.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Right, but, but uh, I just gotta ask though...I mean, you're really serious about Kacey, are you not?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font>Yes, yes, I am serious about Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay so...uh-<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And with her help, I feel like I could get a good start on being able to, uh, you know, shortly, in the near future, move out of my-of the house.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> ...with her help?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ...and get a place of my own...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You need her help to support both of you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''floundering''] It's more like you know...um...some details I'm not understand...I talk to my parents sometimes about that but it's like, uh, you know...uh...I...it's like a...whole bunch of details...you know...yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> EXPLAIN, PLEASE. I don't know what these details are.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Anyway, I'm still, like, uh, I would need external influence, somebody outside the house to help me feel more comfortable in moving out.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You could, you know, people are always looking for roommates, just go to any college board.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah...but still, I mean, that's not...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's not really an excuse.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That's not something I would feel comfortable with since, uh, I haven't been to college for a few years, you know.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So, really, if you can't support my daughter, my daughter needs a man, a MAN to support her.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am a man, sir.<br />
<br />
===Financial situation and Crystal the tard-baby===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> How serious are you about my daughter?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> How serious are you about my daughter? Really. If you aren't even willing to support yourself. <br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am willing, I am able to support myself as well. I'm able to support myself. And I will be able to support your daughter as well.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, then why aren't you? Where's the money gonna come from?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I do have, I do have a [[Monthly tugboat|monthly income]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Do you now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I get, yeah, I get it from the government. My family is a little bit in with the government.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So why do you get welfare? Might I ask? Or whatever you call it.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You can call it, like, you know, a stepping-stone in the right direction of me moving out and all that, but seriously, though, I am very strong-willed, and I feel that I could, I would be able to take care of Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You're avoiding my question. Why are you on, I think it's actually called Social Security. Why do you get it? I mean, I'm a pretty strong Republican, we don't really like that whole welfare thing. We work, and if we can't work, we go join the military. That's what I did.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. I understand that. You see, I'm [[Autism|high-functionally autistic]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Are you now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. I was diagnosed with that at a young age, and I was, I still have [''brief disconnection''] just a few years ago.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So, ah...isn't that [[autism]] thing, it's like a, you're not, like, ''retarded'', are you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Ah, I'm sorry, not really, what?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I'm just saying, you know, that's a genetic thing, right? I don't want any, if you're really going to get with my daughter, I don't want tard-babies.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, yeah, autism is not genetic.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Ah, I think I read somewhere that it was, actually. I'm pretty sure I did.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, no, it's a myth. That's a myth.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> A myth. A myth.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Autism is not genetic. You're not gonna have, there would be no retarded grandchildren on your part. I can guar...I can promise you that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> If you say so. If you really say so. I'm looking this stuff up right now. My Kacey, she's in medicine, she knows this stuff, she's an expert.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, but, like, you know, it might be also...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Actually, hold on, she's right over here. Hey, Kacey, what do you know about autism? Is that genetic?<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Yeah, it's definitely genetic. It usually runs in the mother's line but it can be in the father's as well. But it's usually the mother's. And twins have a much higher chance.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [In a relatively quiet sigh] Great.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font>Anything else, dad?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Ah...no, I think that's good, yeah, you go...what were you doing again?<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> I need to go finish washing the dishes, I'll be right back, dad.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I think there's some cake down there, too, go help yourself or something.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Okay, sweet! Thanks, dad.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Anyways, where was I? Let's see...if you really want a kid with my Kacey, I think you'd probably be best if you adopted or something. That's a good thing, you know.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, yeah, in my case, I would not, I do not, I would not care to adopt. You see, I have a dream, I have my dream, and that dream is to give birth, to have, to share a daughter with my wife-to-be, and her name would be [[Crystal]]. <br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> A dream...as in, you were asleep and you saw something?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. Plus, in the dream, I had, like, an office job.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> An office job. Right.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know, I don't think, Kacey actually doesn't really like that name. You know, it's kind of a stripper name, Cri-STAL, it's kinda like Cristal, that champagne...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, no, no, no, it would not, it would not, it would not be Cri-STAL, it would be Cri-STUL. Does that make sense?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> It's still pretty close.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It's fairly, it does sound close, but it's not, you're not, you're just replacing the C-R-I-S-T-L-E, you're replacing the L-E with an A-L.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yeah, but even so...you said this all came to you in a dream...dreams, they don't pay the bills. It's just a dream. That's all just from your head. I had a dream once where, you know, I was flying. You don't see me doing that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hm. Yeah, okay, but I mean, it's like in, yeah. Flying, yeah, you're definitely not going to be able to fly on your own. Sure. But it's like, you know, when you see a dream that's actually reasonable, that you can actually picture yourself doing in the future while you're awake. You know? It's like a career thing. You know, it's like, yeah, you definitely, it's like, you know, when your child, there's a chance you could become a cowboy if you dreamed of being a cowboy. But, you know, that may not be, that may seem kind of far-fetched, if you're living in a place that's not near or in Texas, but if you're like, if you dreamed you want, if you want, if you dreamed you wanted to be, to become a teacher, that's more likely, that's more likely possible. You can get the degree and become a teacher.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So? If you want to go do it, be a teacher, go to work in an office, GO WORK IN AN OFFICE! Go apply to an office. Don't dream about it, dreams do nothing for you, they don't pay the bills.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I am taking, I have been, I have been working on that, and I have been taking action on looking for good jobs. Definitely looking in office jobs.<br />
<br />
===Prophetic dreams and Bob Chandler===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You think you have some kind of powers of prophecy? That doesn't seem very, I don't know, to me it doesn't seem very Godly, you know.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, ah, ah, ah, I'm not saying, I'm not saying that I'm a prophet. I'm not saying that. But, you know, it's definitely something that, you know, it's definitely something that I feel that God has promised to me and [[Chris and religion|I believe in God]], I go to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] every Sunday, and like, like in...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That sounds like being a prophet to me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, yeah, you do, yeah, there are prophets that are mentioned in the Bible. <br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yes, but.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm not, I am not, I, but, I am not saying that I am a prophet. Not saying that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Son, I go to church every Sunday too, and I've never had any kind of dreams of anything telling me that something is going to happen. God doesn't do that. God doesn't tell you things like that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, yeah, you never know, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, it'll just, it depends on the people, you know? You never know it, but you know, you might actually have gotten a message in a dream that may have actually [''brief interruption''] but you might, you might not have caught on as quickly, or...and I do not mean to insult you, but, ah, yeah, right now, conflicted by, you know, retrospect, you might actually realize that could have been a message from God.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Naaaah... if you think you see the future, that sounds like you're trying to be a prophet. That doesn't really sound religious, that just sounds like some [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|mumbo-jumbo]] to me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm not saying that it is the definite future, but that it is a POSSIBLE future. And I am looking-and I am looking to make that happen.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Well, MAKE it happen.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am going to.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Do it. And if it's not a message from god, you should go out, you should do it. Why don't you go- don't wait for it, it sounds like you're just sitting around waiting for it. When did you have this dream, exactly?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I pretty much, I pretty much had it when I was between seven and nine years old-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Seven-wh-TWENTY YEARS AGO? Excuse me? And nothing has happened between then and now?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> ''[floundering]'' I was definitely, like, in my [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school years]]...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you hold onto this dream...I mean, you're almost thirty, you're, you know...time is gonna start working against you, you know? I mean, life is short.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes, it is.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you're living with your parents. I mean, what do you do all day, exactly?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I get creative by uh, I like to [[CWC - Hand Drawn Original|draw and color]]. And uh, sometimes I like to [[Masturbate|create]] with my hands, you know, I [[Medallions of Fail|sculpt]]. And, uh even as far as, you know, just tinkering with, [[Sex toys|anything]] I like tinkering with. I even have-I am even [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|technologically smart]]. I even took a [[computer]] upgrading class where I put together a computer, a personal computer, from scratch.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So...why aren't you working building computers or something? It sounds like something you could do.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''ignoring this fairly good point''] Hm, yeah, it is. Hm. Well I pretty much did get started on the techno-savvy, I would say, from my father. He's a retired technical engineer, he worked for GE for a number of years, he also, uh, was in the, well he was stationed over in Korea in the Signal Corps. He-he designed the controls for the plastic auto machines for his other achievements. So without him we would not have the plastic for, at the very least, your soda bottles.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's all fine and good, I mean, your father...but I'm not talking about your father, I'm talking about you.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm just pointing it out as hinting at my technological influence.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But...you haven't done anything, unlike your father. That's what I'm getting here. I mean, that's not good, son. When I was 27 I already had a wife and kids, I was working 40 hours a week.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hmm...umm...yes, well, my father didn't marry-my father did not marry the first time till he was 30 himself.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yeah but you know, he probably also had a job and was living on his own, and he was also in the military, like me. So I don't really care about what your father did, because that's what he did, that's not what you did.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I understand-I understand th-I understand what you're talk-I understand...talking about...and, you know, and your point.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Right.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I mean, I make a, I am trying to make a valid point myself. I feel like that, you know, we both are definitely understanding each other.<br />
===Kacey's boobs and Internet fame===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really? I must say, I'm not really impressed, but, uh, let's move on. Let's talk a little bit about what you think about my lovely daughter. What was the first thing you liked or noticed about Kacey?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I noticed her beautiful face.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Her beautiful face.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. And her blue-green eyes are like a pair of swimming pools that I would just like to swim around and bathe myself in.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> ''[laughs]'' So the first thing you noticed was her appearance.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Interrupting''] But also I definitely like to take note over time, over talking to her, one day that she was very smart and very fun to hang around with, and she definitely knows what she's talking about. If anything [''laughs''] she could be a little bit sm-[[Ego|she could be smarter than me on some things]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But still, the first thing that, uh, you noticed, was her appearance. So, were you looking for like a trophy wife or something? It's kind of funny...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''stuttering''] The first thing I noticed about her in person, when we talked first, you know, between phone calls and e-mails, after kind of an indirect meeting there, but anyway. I actually learned first that she was smart and very delightful to talk to. And then after a while, she and I met in person, and then I got to appreciate her face. And the-the smart, charming wit behind it.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This doesn't really add up to what Kacey told me, you know. The impressions I got from what she said about your first little..."encounter," we'll call it...she said she was a little bit...uncomfortable around you, you know? And apparently [[Kacey Phone Call|when you first talked to her, you actually were pretending to be somebody else]], actually. You know, [[Liquid Chris|that other Chris]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well he was, that was another thing. Yeah. All right, yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> She didn't like that much.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> My friend Kim, she helped me, uh, get into that Chris's e-mail account. Before I ever learned about Kacey-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know, that Chris was her boyfriend at the time, you know? I mean, I've actually talked to that guy and met him in person, he's actually a pretty nice kid.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, but if you watch his [[YouTube]] videos he does get a little crazy. But anyway for the past few months now...he was, you know, he was pretending to be me, and a few months ago, he pretends, or I'm assuming he pretends, that he gets kidnapped and tied up, and sent to the desert. And then Kacey tells me that cops ''[incomprehensible]'' in the desert, but I'm going off track here-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That just doesn't make any sense to me. Why would he pretend to be you? Someone like you, guy who lives with his parents.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay. Okay, first off, I'm Internet famous for being the original creator of the, uh...it's like a combination of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and Pikachu [''Kacey's Dad groans''], so I was the original creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. And I created him on March 17, [[2000]], and I drew the [[comic]] books...I originally started that back in 2000, and I've drawn a few books and I'm still doing some drawing, I don't like to leave an unfinished project finished. But-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''Has been trying to interrupt for the last 30 seconds''] Okay, so...you know, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about? I barely know what Sonic the Hedgehog and Pokémon is other than it's kids' stuff. So basically what I'm getting here is you took two kids' things and put them together, you know, two [[Chris and copyright|copyrighted]] kids' things...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> But it's making up a whole new character, and my father has the knowledge with the [[copyrights]] and whatnot, and he verifies for me that I have been in the clear the whole time, from the beginning, to uh, to continue on with Sonichu being m-Sonichu and Rosechu being my original creation. And I create the original stories and everything, and the books, and I've done the [[CWCipedia]], which was originally on the CWC Sonichu site speaking of which, CWC is my name, Christian Weston Chandler. Anyway, I've been going on with that since 2000, uh-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Which means you were 18 when you made this. You were what, a senior in high school? You were playing with kids' stuff? And that's what you've been doing for...what, you know, since then? You're 27 years old? You're playing with kids' stuff? I mean, like, little kids' stuff. I mean, like, ten-year-olds.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, it may sound like that, but in a sense, it was definitely a fad that I was, uh, enjoying, and, uh-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But fads, they come and go.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> -until when I had to like, uh, which was just a year and a half ago, I had to let that go, and I let that go a year and a half ago. But anyway, getting back to, uh...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You said it was popular, still. But you're not making any money off it. You're just doing this while you sit around in your parents' house for no real reason, because like I said, you're not making any money off this, and you still wanna be a boyfriend.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, but, it is a thing I’m doing to make money off of, I could be, it is a thing that I am working on starting to make money off of, I am in talks with the com- comic book company, as well as Nintendo of America, about, uh, you know, about possibly, about the likelihood of me being able to, uh, of, uh, us getting together... making money off of this, cuz, obviously, since 2000 it became more and more popular on the, uh, Internet, and I became Internet famous and, uh, along with a bunch of the fans like that, I was, ah...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Don’t you... don’t you need permission from both [[SEGA]], and [[Nintendo]]? I mean, is that, Sonic is from Sega, right? I mean, I know a little bit about what my daughter was… my little daughter used to talk about... I kinda know what a Sega is, I think.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, yeah, I have talked to Sega as well, but anyway, getting back to, anyway, getting back to, if I may finish... yeah. Anyway, yeah, I got Internet famous, I got the fans, and then I got the naysayers which were the Internet bullies and trolls... and, uh... and uh, that Chris, and uh, Chris over there, was uh, he was one of them, and uh before, and this is, uh before I met Kacey he uh, he started pretending to be me, on the, in YouTube videos. And, uh... <br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This... okay, I’m sorry, this is just getting completely ridiculous, all this Internet, I mean you just, all this Internet stuff, I don’t, I don’t know much about computers, but I mean, that’s just... this sounds like just a whole waste of time, that I don’t care about, because it doesn’t pay the bills, and it DOES NOT help support Ka- my Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I- I- I understand that.<br />
<br />
===Twin Falling Towers and getting fired===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I mean, I was in the MILITARY. I was DOING something. I fought in Desert STORM. I fought against Saddam HUSSEIN. <br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah... okay... you fought in Desert Storm, you fought against Saddam... that’s all good, that’s very good. That’s honorable. That is honorable.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But... and then what- and then YOU, you made this... Son-ni-chu thing. I mean... it’s like... ah, this is, something’s, something’s not right here, you know? But, but, but since you did bring up Youtube, I got, I got kind of an interesting little thing... that I noticed, in one of your recent videos, heh. I mean, I don’t know what exactly you were thinking, with this, um... you know, you did [[Twin Falling Towers|that video with the, ah... 9/11]]. I can’t say I really enjoyed that too much. I mean... that kinda hits... that kinda hits close to home to me, you know, I mean...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I, yeah, I realize, I realize that now, and I have received the complaints so, yeah that’s why I have... I put that...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font>You’re lucky I don’t... you’re lucky I don’t have a Youtube, son. I mean, my... I mean, that hits close to home to me. My MOTHER, Kacey’s grandmother... y’know, she DIED on 9/11. <br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I, um... I’m sorry to hear that. Yeah, and I, uh, I mean, it’s like, I did not mean to hit that, hit that fragile emotion, ah, it was originally, ah, a thing, against a longer, worser- worser Internet [[troll]], who goes by the name of [[Clyde Cash]], whose alias is [[Gregg Mays]], and...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You made a video...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, that’s just a whole nother story, right there. Anyway, I had...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You made a video, basically, just trying to, trying to mess with some... GUY... on the Internet... that makes fun of one of the greatest American tragedies of our lifetime- no, THE Amer- greatest American tragedy of our lifetime.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mm... yes, but, yeah but this guy, uh, he’s done a lot, he’s done a lot of things against me, yeah, on the Internet, trying to... you know... y-yeah, trying to destroy my good name with, uh, a whole bunch of twisted tru- told a whole bunch of twisted truths and phrases, and, words, and, I- that I have said, he just twist them around to- in evil ways and just, like some, and just, try- he’s one of those that just- and trying to slander my good name... And, uh, worse off, and worse off, and worse off, and worse off...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, let me ask you... let me ask you something. Where were you, on 9/11? I mean, they say everybody remembers where they were on 9/11 when they heard that those towers were going down, when a plane had hit those towers, and THOUSANDS of people DIED.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah... I do remember where I was on, uh, 9/11, yeah, I was a, I had just, uh, I was just, uh, let go, from uh, my job at, uh, Wendy’s, it was uh, for, there was some differences between me and my employer, you know, I... [trails off with a faint groan] Yeah, but anyway, <br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Would you like to know where Kacey was? Would you like to know where Kacey was?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, well, okay, well, if I may finish, if I may finish, yeah, I was-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> No. No, I’m sorry. No, no, Kacey was AT Ground Zero. She was giving BLOOD, and plasma, volunteering, and where were you again?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [Pause] Hm. Yeah, I was out shopping with my mom that day. <br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> ...Uh-huh. Really. That’s...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> ...That’s wonderful. Wait a minute, you said Wendy’s before. That... are you changing stories on me? H-have you been, like, changing stories on me through this entire call?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font>No, no I'm not changing-<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Are you just making shit up now?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, I am not changing stories, this is the same story, I had just gotten fired from the Wendy's and I was feeling down, and I, I was feeling down...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You'd been FIRED from Wendy's.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. I was, yeah, let go. I was let go from Wendy's, and I was sad, I was sad about that, you know, they gave me...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> WHY?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I told you! It was, it was because of, uh, emotional differences.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Emotional differences. <br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, my, my, my employer, my...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's...this is absolutely nothing, that just sounds like a bunch of bullsheeit.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''heavy sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Also sounds a little GAY. [''Chris stammers, splutters, and sighs in the background''] I mean, what, did the fry cook break up with you or something? I mean, come on.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''short sigh''] No! It was nothing, it was nothing like that! It was a misunderstanding, something...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Why do you sigh so much? That's just irritating.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That was, that was, that was misunderstanding, that was just, there was a whole bunch of misunderstandings between me and my employer, and he, and he has, and he had, and he had, and he had a spike on his shoulder against me. And, and, and, and then, and then that was why he, and then that was why he eventually fired me...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''has been trying to interrupt Chris's stammering for a while''] WHAT KIND OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''long pause''] Like I, like I did, like I did some things that he thought were bad but were, that he thought were bad but were actually good. And then he let, and then he, and then he let me, and then he let me go based on that. Anyway, yeah, I, anyway, this was a couple of days before 9/11 and I was still feeling down from being let go, and then, on 9/11 I was out shopping with my mother that day.<br />
<br />
===Maturity, and chores===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Good god, I mean, you sound like you're just, you sound like you're just some simpering little...your voice is all wavery...good lord. You want to date...YOU? You want to date my daughter? You're not even giving me an ounce of respect now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh come, oh come, oh come on, I grew up a lot, I grew up a lot since then! [''rapidly loses coherence''] I've grown, I've grown up a lot, in sounds, in sounds, duetothegirl, and, sounds strite, sound, in sound mind.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Goddamn. This just sounds like a bunch of fucking whining. You're not even, you don't even sound like half the man that other Chris sounds like at this point. You don't sound like you've grown up. You play fucking Pokeymon all the time!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Chris's dander is up.''] I am, I am, I am a grown-up ''sir''! I have moved, I have moved on from Pokémon years ago! I am a grown-up! I have moved on from the childish things.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> No, you didn't move from...you went from Pokémon to Sonichu. What the fuck? This is still just kid shit. You don't have a job. You're still living with your parents. Almost 30 years old. This is ridiculous. You want to date my daughter. You realize that she's LEAGUES above you right now. She's out of your reach.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Getting a word in edgewise after many stammers''] I have, I have, I have suffered through my own, through my own trials and tribulations that would be war-like. I have suffered through a whole bunch of...enduring physical pains as well. You just could not, you just could not imagine...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''laughing''] Physical pain! [''more laughter''] God, this is...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have, I have worked myself to the bone a lot!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This is ridiculous.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And I have, I have felt heartaches, and I have felt like...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You don't know what physical pain feels like...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have felt like I couldn't move on. But then, but then I still move on.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> ...until you have taken a bullet in the fucking chest. I'm lucky to be alive. My comrade, one of my good buddies, he wasn't so lucky. He died right next to me. I carried him back...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''humbled''] Yeah, well, well, yeah, that is, that was, that was very heroic and I commend you for that good sir.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Sure. Yeah. I'm sure. You don't need to commend me. Now you're just kissing ass.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No! I am not just, I am not kissing ass!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay. Well then. Alright. So really, okay...I have one more question, what do you have to offer my daughter, really? After I've heard all this, what exactly do you have to offer a future med student? She had a good fiancé, and now you think you can take her?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes I could, because I could offer, I can, I can offer her...a whole bunch of support that, that, that, that Chris could not offer. Like I am, I am, I am [[Honest Content|HONEST]]...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really? He's going to be published! He has a job lined up!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Like, I am honest, I am loyal, I am STRONG...good natured...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yeah, but this guy spoke several languages, he had connections in the comic-book industry, this guy could get a job right out of college, and you're mooching off the government, off of ''MY'' tax money! And you want to date my daughter. These two had so much in common, Kacey and Chris. She loved everything about him. And you? You just sit around, play with toys, and what, video games? Is that what you buy with your welfare money? Like Pokeyman shit?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [[Pokéwalker of Fail|I have not played with Pokémon for years]], sir!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, so what do you play with?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hmph.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You denied Pokeyman, but you didn't deny video games.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, yeah, I, okay, I have, I have, I have played some Gui-, I have played some Guitar Hero.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [[Guitar Hero]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What the hell is that?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have to stand, I have to stand up to play, I have to stand up and play gitar.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You have to stand up to play ''gitar''! Oh, wow! That's...why don't you...that's just pathetic. You think that's exercise? Do you play a real guitar? I think the real Chris could play a real guitar.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''indignant''] I work, I work hard for my father in his, in his gar-, in his gar-, in his garden! I pulled weeds! Those weeds are very hard to pull!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Pulled weeds? My grandma pulled weeds! My grandma had arthritis and she pulled weeds every day!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''short sigh''] Well, I'm sorry to hear that your grandma had ar-, had arthritis. But I, but I, I am, I am very strong sir. And I tell you, it was very hard and torturing work to pull, to pull, to, I was working under the hot hot sun, it was, those were very hot days!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you still look like a, I dunno, you look pretty fat to me. I mean, my Kacey, Kacey exercises. And she lost weight, she looks, you know, she looks wonderful. And you? I mean, do you even know...what is the hot sun? I've been in the Middle East. You don't know hot until you've been out in the fuckin' shit.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, yes, okay, yes, I will agree with you that I cannot, I cannot understand heat, truly understand heat, until I'm truly in the middle of a desert. But still, it was, those were very hot days. And I pulled those weeds. And I even, I even, I even placed lumber around the edges of that garden, and I hammered labels of those flowers, and my, that my, that my father hand-wrote accurately, and figured, and, pat out the, and he showed me where to place them, I even helped him a little bit with placing them. And I placed, I hammered those labels hard into those pieces of lumber.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's, that just sounds like basic chores. Lumber, pulling weeds, on a good day I had to do 200 push-ups. And I saw [[30 Push-Ups|those push-ups you did]], whatever you call them. Push-ups? That's not push-ups. That was, I dunno, you looked like you were flopping around like a.... fish. Actually kinda looked like you were humping the floor or something.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''unfazed''] I even mowed the lawn!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Mowed the lawn! [''laughs''] Wow.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, and again, those were very hot days, too. And sometimes the lawnmower would quit on me! And I'd have to practically kick-start it, with my foot, I had to kick it to start it up again!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know, I see seven-year-olds who mow lawns all day for a summer job. All day. All summer. They do it just, they handle it just fine, why can't you? Oh, yeah, and they get paid for it, might I add.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Getting very angry at this point'']Yeah, well, I was not, well, I was not paid for mowing the lawn. And also, you know what? Another heavy-duty burden I had to take care of, and that I wasn't paid for? When [[Patti Chandler|my dog]] died, a few years ago, she was a sweet dog, I moved, I lifted and carried her doghouse to the site where we buried her. Her doghouse. That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''laughs in disbelief'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It was very heavy! I carried that thing.<br />
<br />
===Death and fake Internet women===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''Matt is about to break down laughing.''] You're talking to me about how your dog died, you're talking about someone who has lost friends and family in national tragedies. My mother, I had...I had to deal with the loss of my mother, not to old age, but to...fucking...a plane by fucking...piloted by terrorists. My gran-, my mother was killed by terrorists.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. Yeah, my...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And your...but, but your heavy burden is your dog died. I'm sorry, but boo, really, I've had dogs die, it sucks, but that's nothing... that's nothing...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Y'know, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well, I was very sad when she died. It was not a matter of age, it was pretty much, yeah, she was very sickly, there was nothing we could do, so I, I signed that form to give them permission to put her to sleep. I let her, I let her go, that was an emotional burden on me. And I have, I have been, my aunt Corrina died just a few months, just a few months, just last January, because of, because of heart cancer.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''laughs in disbelief''] Are you, are you...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It was very, it was very saddening, I was very...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I'm sorry, are you messing with me? Are you trying to compare the loss of my mother, the loss of someone who took care of me for years, to a dog? Are you calling my mother a dog?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am not calling your mother a dog.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''[[stress sigh]] of his own''] I had to dig my mother out of the rubble of the Twin Towers. I mean, and you had to lift a doghouse.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I'll tell you, that doghouse was heavier than any tombstone. And that doghouse pretty much was the tombstone!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Sounds like you're fucking with me now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am not! I am being very HONEST with you sir! I'm telling you the honest truth from my, from my sound mind and my sound heart.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I'm starting to, I'm starting to really kinda doubt this whole honesty thing you keep talking about. How do you think, how do you think Kacey would feel if I told her about this? What do you think, how do you think she would feel about you comparing this whole lifting a 30-, 50-pound doghouse to maybe a 100-, 200-pound tombstone? That doghouse was probably, what, made of wood? This is solid rock!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, it was, it was, no, I mean, yeah, this is, it was wood ''and'' plastic, that thing had to weigh over a hundred pounds!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Plastic's pretty light, you know. I'm sorry, this is, this isn't even close to the same.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''heavy sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And that's just, that's just that...you know, if you had told this to Kacey, she would probably be, she would be so angry. You're just totally grasping at [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|straws]] at this point.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''mutters under his breath''] Yeah, well, also I've been to a whole bunch of this, also, to go off talk, off-topic a bit, or going back to an old topic, that I have been DECEIVED BY THE TROLLS! A bunch of them pretending to be women who I thought were honest over the Internet when I was talking to them for the first time for a while!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> WHO GIVES A SHIT about the Internet?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And some, and some of them, and some of them were actually, and some of them were actually two honest women...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> BE A MAN...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And those [[PandaHalo|two]] [[Ivy|women]] died! I was very, I was very heartbroken by that! And yet I was even more heartbroken when I found out that...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I, I...I may not admit, okay, well, yes...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Wait, wait, didn't you say, fake women? Did you say that these women were fake? So wait, these women were probably fake...fake women died?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''in a state of great consternation''] I didn't, I didn't...no! I'm talking about, no, two of them, a coup-, a few of them were real women.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And how many of these women have you gone through?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have not been able to go to them. But one, there was this [[Julie|one time]] where I actually thought it was a woman, and I actually drove a whole, a whole, a whole day's worth back and forth, almost 24 hours, from my house to Cleveland, Ohio, where it turned out that was, that was, that was a bad lead. I drove a whole, I drove a whole, almost 20, I drove from five in the morning to 12 o'clock, to about, just after about, after midnight. To find out that the destination was a bad one, and that was, that was an imposterous troll.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So you went to go to...Ohio, for a fake woman, but my Kacey just told me that you won't go and visit her, a real woman?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I, I, I, I...[''angry, incoherent stammering'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I am looking at Kacey right ''now''.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> But you're in...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You wouldn't even go to D.C., that's like two hours away. And you've met her before, for God's sake?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I mean, I was more naïve, I was more naïve back then, but I am very less naïve now. I have been very less naïve for about, for about a year now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I am not convinced.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''He's snapping.''] OH COME ON. YOU SHOULD BE CONVINCED!<br />
<br />
===The maggot manchild and shit starts to hit the fan===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''Laughing with frustration''] "Oh come on"? You know who, you know who you're talking to, son? What the fuck is this? Now you're just talking back to me like a little kid. Don't yell at me, you maggot! Piece of shit.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, yeah, you, you're obviously talking to me like, as if I was a child. And I am not a child.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Because you are a child, you're acting like a child.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am not a child, I am a MAN. I am a STRONG MAN. I have been through a whole bunch of emotional and physical traumas in my life!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You haven't proven a thing to me, you've shown me nothing that could even possibly suggest that you are a man.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, sometimes my memory fails me!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You're just sitting around in your parents' house, crying about your little dog, playing video games, whining about women on the Internet. Some lazy little maggot...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Full-blown tard rage erupts.''] I AM NOT, I AM NOT LAZY!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You're living with your parents and you don't have a job, how is that not lazy?!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, maybe I, maybe I don't have a job, but I do work around the house! I lift a whole bunch of...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Chores! I do those every day, and I'm retired!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> They're not just chores! They're not just chores.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yes-they-are! EVERYONE works around the house.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Maybe everyone works around the house, but they don't, they differ from burden to burden to... [''stress sigh''] ...heavy weights! I mean...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I've seen, you know, I was looking around that YouTube, I saw [[Tour of Chris's House|a video of your house]]. It's a FUCKING MESS! You call that working around the house? Are you trying to be, and you're trying to be some kind of house-husband or something?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, most of that mess belongs to my mother and I can't really, I can't really organize it without her being able to help me, without her being able to point out where to put everything!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Oh, it's your mom's fault. That's real mature.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> She's a, well, okay, yeah, I admit, she's a bit of a pack rat. And since she retired from secretarial work, she's been more lazy, I'll admit that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But your room is a mess, too. What do you have to say about that? I mean, this is nothing. At this rate...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''On the edge of tears''] It may be nothing, it may be, it may be nothing...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You're a pack rat too.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am not a, I am not that bad of a pack rat. I mean, I even brought, I even brought a bunch, I even brought practically all that stuff into the house. And I had to bring in a couch and I had to bring in the hutch, among other pieces of furniture, among the smaller pieces of stuff, smaller bunches of junk that my mom got! That's a lot, that's a lot of heavy lifting. And it was very hard.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Who doesn't have to push furniture? All this stuff you're talking about, these heavy burdens sound like stuff everybody has to do at least at some point. This is nothing, this is just regular, everyday housework. This isn't real work. This is chores.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I...oh! And you don't think...!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This is kids' stuff.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh, and you don't think carrying your soldier friend on your back was a heavy burden? That was a heavy burden?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What...what the fu...are you mocking me?!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am not mocking you!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Is this...are you comparing...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm just, I'm just pointing out, I'm just pointing out that what you did was a heavy burden under...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't know even know what to say to this!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I mean, that is, yeah, that is a heavy burden because you were fighting to save, you were fighting to save your friend's life...<br />
<br />
===Kacey returns===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Kacey, c'mon, come over here. You gotta listen to this guy. This is great.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Oh, what's up, daddy?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What is...I mean...this guy is just fucking with me...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Daddy, you sound mad, what's wrong?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This guy's just fucking with me, he's not even, he's not even respecting me at all. He's a disrespectful...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> What, he's disrespecting you? What is he doing?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't know, he's just talking about all this faggot kiddie shit. How he has to move chairs and do, oh no, housework! And he's comparing that to when your grandma died.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> He's WHAT?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yeah. I mean, he's talking about all these "heavy burdens" he's had to face, you know, saying it's a heavy burden, kind of like...of course, you remember when we lost grandma...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Oh my God, I know, I had to volunteer just to get my mind off it...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This guy has nothing to offer you.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''He's still combative.''] I have a lot to offer her!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have plenty to offer her!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Like what?!<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Don't yell at my father like that! You need to respect him, he's a retired Marine!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''sigh''] I do respect your father, Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Well, you need to be nice to him! What are you going to do if he doesn't like you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''another sigh''] I mean, I want, I was being nice to him, but then he started to insult me, he was talking down to me like as if I was a child, when I'm an adult.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I already don't like...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Chris! He's way older than you! He's your elder! To him, you are a child! I'm a child to him!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, well, I guess in compar-, I guess in comparison, yeah, that is true. But I just don't like being talked, I just feel, I just basically, just turns me off when I'm talked down to and such. I mean, I have to put up with my father talking down to me and such, and he starts more arguments than there are flies in the garbage dump!<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Okay, but my father doesn't get angry easily.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''heavy sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> You can't act like a child like that! He is your elder! You're trying to ask him PERMISSION.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> What are you doing?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well...yeah...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Apologize!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah... [''heavy sigh''] Yeah. [''more sighing''] I apologize, Matthew. I apologize for talking back to you. I just got, I got, I got carried away. Especially from feeling like I was being talked down to. Mm...I mean, surely, yeah, you can understand that, I'm sure your father talked down to you, you, even when you were about my age. And I do not mean to insult you or your father, I just felt like it was a fair compar-, I just felt like it was a good comparison there, but anyway. I apologize for yelling at you, and raising my voice.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't even know how you think you can call me by my name right now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't believe a goddamn word you just said. I'm sorry. No, I'm not sorry, actually.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well...believe it or not, it is the whole, honest truth, that I have been telling you this whole time.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Honest. [''snort''] If that's the truth, I'm afraid to say you're pretty fucked. You're just using people from the Internet as scapegoats for your problems. And you were lying when you first met Kacey. That's what I've gotten about this. You...are not good enough for my daughter. Chris, on the other hand, has my blessing.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''massive stress sigh'']<br />
===Literature and health===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And if the Internet is such a problem for you, I mean, just get rid of it. What do you have to do? Just call up whoever it is, AOL, whatever it is you use, just call 'em and say "I don't want the Internet anymore." That's all you have to do. You don't need it for anything. Go to a library!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I have a bunch...yeah, well, I have a bunch of ties on the Internet and for your information I do go to libraries. I read a lot of books.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really? What was the last book you read?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> {{anchor|Mockingbird}}The last book I read... was ''[[Wikipedia:To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]''.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's high-school shit.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You call this high-school, I call it adult, I call it...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Kacey read that in high school, Kacey read that as a freshman in high school.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I call it adult drama.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> An adult drama.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. It was very dramatic, and I felt for the characters in that, in that story, just like I feel for every character, all the characters in the stor-, in the stories that I have read, throughout my whole life.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So what exactly did you learn from this book?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''long pause''] I... have... learned... that I have to be able to cope and be patient with, with a, with everybody who makes, a whole lot of people that may appear to be impatient or that could be hard to put up with. Like George had to put up with Lenny throughout the story. I mean, I'd say that's...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's ''[[Wikipedia:Of Mice and Men|Of Mice and Men]]''.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh, I'm sorry, I'm getting my stories mixed up. Yeah. Yeah. ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yeeeaaaaah... did you even read this book?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes I did! The dramatic story, the story about that girl who was living with her family throughout the Depression and there was that guy in the store who was nice enough to leave her gifts in the tree trunk. That was like, that was definitely a story of, like, definitely, you know, be kind to your neighbor and they'll, and they'll, and they'll be kind to you. That's still another kind of, another, it's another story where you have to learn to be patient...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That doesn't sound like the American classic that I know. I'm sorry. This is... just sounds like a bunch of horseshit. Do you remember the court scene?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry, the what?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> The court scene in the book? That was pretty big, it was a pretty major part of the book. Do you even remember who [[Wikipedia:Atticus Finch|Atticus Finch]] was? That was probably the pivotal moment of the book.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Atticus... hm... Atticus... hm, I do believe that was the lawyer in that story.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yesss... man, you call yourself smart? You aren't smart enough for Kacey. When did you read this?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I... I've read it, about a month ago.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> A month ago.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Rage button pushed''] Stuff... candy... don't... I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! sI tuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Wooooowww! [''laughs''] What the fuck are you talking about? I mean, I don't even know what the hell...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I eat and drink healthy.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you look like that. You don't even know what I just said, do you? You completely missed that I was, that little analogy back there.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, no, I...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Kacey says you eat [[McDonald's]]. You say you eat healthy, but you eat at McDonald's?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have a, I have salads over at McDonald's. And I drink the lemonade over there.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That lemonade is full of sugar. You know, [[Liquid|Chris]] is, Chris is fit, I've seen that man, he has rock-hard abs. That guy makes a Marine proud. And he can cook, he doesn't go to McDonald's because he doesn't need to.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I can cook too! And sometimes I do cook!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know, he and Kacey like to go running together. Why don't you go running with Kacey, rather than sitting around eating fast food all day?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do go out, I do go out for jogs, sir. I do go out jogging. And if Kacey was here I would be happy to go jogging with her. Or even running, I'd be happy to do that as well.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You think you could do five miles like Kacey and Chris do? Five miles?<br />
<br />
[[Image:208x228 Advice-CWC-I-JOG-FIVE-MILES-A-DAY.jpg|thumb|Yep!]]<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yep!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's a brisk jog.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes, I could do five miles with Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Someone who looks like you can run five miles? I'm sorry, that's bullshit.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You're...[''angry sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You look like you couldn't even do five seconds running. In fact, I was watching, I was watching those push-ups, you got winded after... that was thirty seconds of push-ups and you were sweating like a pig.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''indignant''] Well, wouldn't you sweat?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't...with that much...? Fuck, that's nothing.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> WARRIORS, WARRIORS...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I'm a Marine. Not after... a few push-ups like that? That's nothing. Okay, but... how much and how often do you jog? I sweat maybe... maybe after, I don't know, ten miles on a hot day.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have been jogging for about fifteen minutes on a daily basis.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Fifteen minutes. So you go...you go, what, a quarter of a mile and you call it quits? That's pussy shit. And that's just jogging. Kacey could run, Kacey runs for at least an hour.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, that's good.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Five miles is like a two-hour jog, you know.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I have a, I have a whole bunch of potential, I can run five miles with Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I would love to see that. I mean, why don't you? You can't... you say you could. You're just saying you have potential. That doesn't sell me. You can't sell me with "potential." Why don't you run five miles, and maybe, maybe I'll think otherwise.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It would be hard to video, to video-record five mile running. But I can run five miles, with Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You can?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes, I can! And I will the first chance I get!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But why with Kacey, though, why can't you just do it on your own? You have a camera, don't you? It wouldn't be so hard to just hold a camera and run, would it? That's easily, easily do-able.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Why don't you just figure out how to do that? You said you're good with computers. I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a [[Wikipedia:Microsoft Windows|Windows]] is.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You barely know what a Windows is?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Don't...[''sputters'']... don't patronize me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that. I could figure out how to hold a camera and fuckin' run for five miles. That's...how could you not figure out how to do that?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, think about this, do you think the batteries would be able to last five miles?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Running? Shit. You're running, you're not jogging, it's not gonna take two hours.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, still, yeah, well... yeah, well, I can't...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Besides, think of it as a time limit of some sort, you know? You gotta run fast enough so you can get all of it in before the batteries run out. That would take like... half an hour at most. Batteries last that long.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Alright, so a half hour running? I'll be happy to do a half hour of running with my digital camera.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''laughs''] Fine. Show me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Alright, I will.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Until then, until then, you are not good enough for Kacey. You are just a maggot.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well. You may call me a maggot, but I'm a pretty dang strong one.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I'm gonna go talk to Kacey, I gotta tell her, you do not deserve Kacey. Kacey lifts more than you, how does that feel? The strong man outdone by a woman.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well I may not feel pleasant, if that was the case, then I could not say I did not try.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''laughs'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> But I...<br />
===Liquid Chris and minimum wage jobs===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> While you're at it, you don't, you don't try, if you had tried you would have gotten out of your house, you would have gotten a job, you would have... you would be like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''long pause''] Yeah, well, I am much stronger and I am much better than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't think so.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh, yes I am!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But why don't you have, you don't have a job! You're not stronger than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]], you're not smarter than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am stronger and I am smarter than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]]!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You're not living on your own. How can you even say that? And he's younger than you!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I say that because it's true.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't think so.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You do not think so...you may not think so...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I was so happy, when Kacey said she was going to marry [[Liquid Chris|Chris]]. But then, I don't know, he vanished or something, I don't know what happened...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, that would be the point where he made his video on [[YouTube]] where he pretended he was being kidnapped and then that's where he hid away for a number of, for a few months.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yeah, and that devastated her. You don't know how much she missed him.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do, I do, because she has shared that with me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I mean, I would much rather believe him...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> She has shared that with me and I have comforted the her. I have emotionally supported her.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't think she... she wasn't nearly that, I don't think she was nearly as happy as when the police finally called her about that. I think you're just trying to get, I think you're just trying to get my little Kacey for a booty call.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Believe me sir, it would not just be for a booty call, it would be for a strong relationship with all the loyalty and trust and honesty that a woman can ever want. [''shifts to a momentous tone, half under his breath''] EVER.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966"> '''Dad:'''</font> But you can't even move out. She needs a man, a man who can support himself and keep a job. You got fired from [[Wendy's]], most people quit because it sucks. You got FIRED. You weren't GOOD ENOUGH for Wendy's. What are you gonna do, what are you gonna do if she gets pregnant and she can't work?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> If she gets pregnant and can't work, then I would be working. I would be working VERY HARD AND HEAVILY.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What kind of job?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> If I have to I would be, get one of the heavyweights, that just moves the boxes around the, stock the shelves at a grocery store. At the least. If not better.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That makes minimum wage at best. That's not a real job. You know how much minimum wage is?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> At the current rate, it's about $8 an hour.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's not good enough! Get a good job! You can't live off that! Especially after taxes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I can get a good job, and I will.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> If you want to do lifting, you go work in a warehouse or something. And last I checked, minimum wage was $7.25.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''takes a contemptuous tone''] Huh! You must have checked, no offense, but you must have checked like five years ago. [''In fact, [[Wikipedia:List of U.S. minimum wages|Matt is correct]].'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And how would you know? You don't have a job!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Because it was over five years ago, I was working for that minimum wage, and that was $7.50.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That wasn't minimum wage.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes it was. And that was back at Wa-Wendy's!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know you can get paid more at jobs than minimum wage? I just looked it up right now, it says $7.25.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hm. Maybe that's average minimum wage.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Don't lie to me. Look...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am not lying to you.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Kacey, come on, Kacey, come over here, listen to this horseshit, ''listen to this horseshit''.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''heavy sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> What's wrong now, Daddy?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What's this he's talking about... minimum wage is $7.25, right?<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Yeah. It went up in July, I remember because it was around my birthday.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This guy's lying again. Why is it...I'm looking right here on this webpage, that's exactly what it says.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Yeah, it happened on July 24, that was like...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Why does this guy keep lying to me? How do I know that anything he says is true?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I stand corrected! I stand corrected. On current minimum wage.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Don't argue with me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Alright.<br />
===Respect and listening skills===<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Is he being disrespectful again, Daddy?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> He's always been... he's been disrespectful this whole time.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''heavy sigh''] I have not been lying!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> When Kacey says it, when Kacey says it you believe it now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> I just don't understand.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't understand either.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I can't say I'm in full understanding either. <br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> That doesn't even make sense. Like, I shouldn't have to pick up the other line and have to hear this. I mean, what are you doing, are you trying to sabotage this?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No. Just, throughout, throughout this whole conversation I have been telling the [[True and honest|honest truth]], from memory. As far as I know.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Okay, but this doesn't make sense. Like, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] charmed my dad within five minutes. Why are you still fighting with him? Why are you lying to my father?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have not been lying to your father. I have been telling him the truth throughout my best and honest knowledge. From my heart and from my head.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> What are you wanting me to think, that you're dumb or something?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I...wh...no. [''pause''] I, I...[''drowned out by Kacey'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Well, then what's going on?! Why does my dad look so upset? I haven't seem him this upset in a long time.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I can't read, I cannot read his mind, so...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Well, no, no-one expects you to, but you could be respectful to him.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, um, I mean, yeah, I was doing my best to be respectful. But then...and then he started, he started...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> My Dad is not going to lie to me, and obviously whenever I get on the phone you're calm and everything, so is something going on when I'm not on the phone? Like are you being two-faced?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation. I swear, hand to [[God]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> You shouldn't do that, we don't swear to God, and my dad wouldn't lie to me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> One-faced side of bullshit.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, he's been contradicting me, and talking to me in a negative way...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Okay, you guys, I'm going to go. Talk nice.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have been, I have been, I was talking nice. And then he started contradicting me with those words, like, yeah, and, uh, hm, and put, and putting me down, like even call, even call, even calling me a pussy, or, among other things. And then that, and then that just...grinded my gears.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know, Kacey is gone. She's not listening right now. She didn't hear anything you just said.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''heavy sigh'']<br />
<br />
'''Portal Turret:''' Target lost.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Stop [[sigh]]ing so much.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I'm speechless at the moment.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Didn't you just hear, she... hear her say she was getting off?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Uhh...hear her say she was getting off?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Do you pay attention to anything? Ever? To the words that I am saying?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I, I'm, I do pay attention. But I, I did not hear "I'm getting off."<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This is... this, do you even listen to her at all? How can you be a good boyfriend? You don't listen to anything.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I, I do, I do listen! And I, and ob-, obviously, she must have said it in a quiet tone, because I did not hear it. [''Actually Chris was talking over her at the time, but never mind.'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But this is... she was pretty upset. She wasn't that quiet.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> W... well, I'm sorry she's upset.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And now, what I'm saying right now, is that before you can say you are better than Chris, you need to get a job, you need to move out from your parents, you need to be independent. You need to show me that you're a man. And you... you also have to have the ability to not lie to me. I'm getting all tongue-tied, because...just...you don't know how frustrating this is. I mean, I haven't done that in years.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes, I agree with you, this is frustrating.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you are lucky her mother isn't here.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And I pro-, and I send... I promise you. I have not been lying.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> How is this, how is this frustrating to you? You sound like you just have the easiest life in the world.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Because, because, because, because you're, because you're frustrated, and your frustration is reflecting onto me and it's making me feel frustrated. It's making me feel frustrated.<br />
<br />
===Chris's pathetic life and diseased ticker===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You sit around...what are you going to do after this? You're gonna go home, you're gonna go play [[video games]] again or something?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Nobody can get you to do anything. Play your [[Pokemon|Pokeymans]], watch [[TV]]. Sleep. Eat [[McDonald's]]. That's, that's your life.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That is not my life.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Isn't it?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It's a lot, it's a lot more than that. I do a lot more than...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Oh, yeah, I forgot, you do chores, too.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> See, this, you know, this is why I was talking to Kacey about...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You talk and you get angry at people on the Internet who you've never seen before.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, see, right now you're just...you're just saying some, saying some of the things that sit aside from the good for me, honest, from, aside from the good things, yeah, everything I've said, I have been, I have been very honest about, and you're just taking the bad pieces that can, you're just taking some of that honesty and you're just reflecting it onto me and, you're just making it sound bad. Like it's a bad thing. And that makes me feel bad.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> It IS a bad thing. What good qualities do you have that aren't LIES? You started this whole relationship on a lie. My daughter doesn't deserve that. And now you're blaming me for all this that's going on.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, fuck it, I'm gonna, could you just, look, okay, well, you did not let me say that...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You just met me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, okay, well, I'm talking to you over the phone, that is [''dissolves into gibberish momentarily'']...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You don't...it just sounds like you don't want to admit any of your faults. You just...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am, I am happy to admit my faults.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes. Okay, well, for one, sometimes, I don't think things through and I make, end up in the decision I thought was good at first may end up being the bad decision. <br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> O... kay?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> But yeah, I have been improving on that and thinking things through fully. Making sure that...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Everyone does that, everyone, you know, makes a mistake every now and then. Okay?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Let's start with something easy. Let's tell me...tell me...how about you admit that you're, well, okay, I'll just say it. [[FAT]]. And lazy.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> {{anchor|Buddha belly}}Okay, well, I admit I do have a Buddha belly, but I am not lazy, I do get out and about, I exercise, I jog and work out, and I eat healthy.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Doesn't show at all. How often do you watch TV? And you said you jog for fifteen minutes. That's... that's not gonna burn calories.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I'm working up to thirty minutes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Thirty minutes. And compared to...how does this compare to how much TV you watch?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> For your information, I watch only about four hours of television.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Four hours of television.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> In a day.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> A day. That... I don't think that's true. That just doesn't sound, you kinda paused right there? You sound like you actually had to think about it for a second. I don't think that's true.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, when I had to count it up, I did have to think about it. But yes, it is true, I watch four hours of television in a day.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Four hours, that's still quite a bit, hasn't Kacey told you anything about how important it is to take care of yourself?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes, we have, we have talked about that. And I have listened to her about that, and I have been taking the appropriate steps and abiding with her words in mind and heeding her advice as such.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really...because she's still pretty worried about you, she says. She think something's gonna happen to you, you know. She thinks it's not looking good. And didn't she, she told me you were on [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]]?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hmm.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I mean, I know about that stuff. That's something people my age take. I don't take it myself, but I know people who do.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, for your information, my doctor got me off, took me off [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]] a couple of months ago.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I still don't think you...you still don't sound like you're terribly healthy. Okay, watching TV aside, and you play video games, how long do you do that a day, huh? I mean, with how much you sit around, your metabolism must not be so hot.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> How long... do I sit around? I would not say that I sit around that much. I would say...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And play... okay, how much do you play video games?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> About two hours in a day.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Two hours a day.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, so that's at least six hours you spend sitting around doing absolutely nothing in your room. That's a quarter of a day. In six hours you could have worked a part-time job.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I, but, the time I do not spend in front of the television is the time I spend exercising. That's about half of the day.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You do not spend half of a day exercising. If you spent half a day exercising, you would have at least lost that little [[Wikipedia:Budai|Buddha belly]] and those man-tits of yours.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, now I'm feeling insulted with those, with what you just said there.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you just told me fifteen minutes, so you're lying again.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, maybe, yeah, well, fifteen minutes jogging, upon the pacing of the spacing of the jogging.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, so you don't even run fifteen minutes altogether, at one time?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It's fifteen, they're, fifteen minutes, they're fifteen-minute intervals, like I do fifteen minutes in one hour, then the next hour I do another fifteen minutes of jogging.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But that doesn't help you at all. All that...that means there's 45 minutes of you doing nothing every hour. By then your heart rate has gone down, the exercise is gonna do nothing for you.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> My heart rate has been, has been good.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''chuckles'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I can guarantee that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Do you even know what you're talking about?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes, I do, I am talking...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Do you even know how to check your heart rate?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes I do.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, how?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I put my fingers on my pulse, count the number of beats through ten seconds, and then I multiply by six. That's, that's...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Where do you check for your pulse?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Put two fingers on my wrist or on my neck. Or put it on my chest where my heart is.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, so what's a good heart rate for you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> About seventy-two beats per minute.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Seventy-two beats per minute.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> To about a hundred beats per minute.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Uh-huh. So what's your heart rate right now?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Alright... [''long silence''] Alright, let me find that...yeah. It's approximately, it is approximately eighty-four right now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Eighty-four from just sitting around?<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I've been listening. Chris, that's a serious medical condition. What are you talking about? Normally your heart doesn't beat that fast unless you've done exercise.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hm.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> That's like [[Wikipedia:arrhythmia|arrhythmia]] or [[Wikipedia:tachycardia|tachycardia]]. What are you doing?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, right, you know, well, I did get a little bit of [[stress]] from some of the conversation.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Stress doesn't do that. That's like a serious medical condition. And I heard you talk to my dad, you don't listen to anything I say when I worry about you. You still go to [[McDonald's]], and I told you those salads aren't healthy. I bet you haven't even lost one pound. Don't you care that I think you're gonna die? [''Chris stammers briefly in response''] That you're probably going to lose motion in your body if you don't exercise enough? This is important to me!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. It is.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> What're you going to do? You're gonna die before you're thirty.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''pause''] Hm. [''pause, then sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Hmph.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> If anything, that means you have way too much caffeine in your system. If you have something that high. That's either, you can get that from smoking, from too much fat, from too much caffeine...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hm. Yeah.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> [''Her voice breaks, on the verge of crying.''] It's like you don't even care! Dad was right, you are being disrespectful!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Attempting to sound empathetic''] Kacey, I do care. [''sigh''] Even though, even though it may not, even though it may shot 'n I've shot, I do care. Believe me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Yeah. Because it's that hard for you to stop going to McDonald's. But you've still been going. Right?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have been going less.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> It's not like I didn't... less is not none! Fast food is bad! Period at the end!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''On the defensive''] Yeah, but that was like once a week! Once in a week!<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Once a week is bad! Don't eat any! None!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Alright, I won't go there anymore. I won't go [[McDonald's]] anymore.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Or any fast food!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Alright. I will not go to any fast food, I...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Whatever. It's not like you haven't lied to me before. You're just probably lying to me now. Dad, I can't deal with this anymore...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'M NOT LYING TO YOU! I promise you! I promise you! I promise you, Kacey. I promise you.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> She's gone again.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''stress sigh'']<br />
===Chris blows it, but he's an American!===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> She was pretty, ah...let's say you just blew it, man. She was, she was crying right there. You just fuckin' blew it. Big-time.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''deep sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I just heard the door slam. I wouldn't be surprised if she goes and calls Chris.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hmph. Well...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What do you have to say for yourself? [''Long silence ensues'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, all I can say is...that's your opinion, and you have every right to your own opinion.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> It's not my opinion. It just happened. What the hell are you talking about? I'm talking about facts.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, you're talking about, yes you are talking about facts, but you have expressed a whole bunch of your own opinions about what you've heard from me the whole conversation.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And that's all you have to say about the fact that you just upset my daughter? What are you...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That's my response, that's my response about you, but as for Kacey, you know, I just feel, I just feel very sad for her.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't care what you have to say about me. This is about, you should care about Kacey, not me! You have to do something big.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I care about Kacey. I really, truly do.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay. But if you want my opinion right now, I think you should stay away from my daughter. Unless you really, REALLY turn around your life. You're not even close to Chris right now. You have to do something big to get her back. You have to get a job, at the very least. Lose, I dunno, 50 pounds. Move out. Then I might consider you, MAYBE.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you have to keep your promises, because she says you never do.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do keep my promises.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And I think she should be with [[Liquid Chris|her real fiancé]] right now. [''Long silence''] I mean, he treats her like a princess. You treat her like... a set of tits and ass.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, I treat her like a princess as well. I treat her, more importantly... as a friend... a true friend, a good friend...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That doesn't sound like it at all.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You don't know. I mean...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I do know. Because she talks to me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, well... points of view.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I can't even stand your voice. So whiny, all this sighing, it's like a baby. You'll never be as good as Chris at this rate.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am a lot better than Chris. Belieeeeeeeeve me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You're not even a functioning human. You're leeching off my government.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have a functioning image...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I met Chris in real life, he's an upstanding young man. How are you better than this?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I... am an [[American]]! I am proud to be an American and [[I am STRONG]]. I am an individual...<br />
<br />
[''Portal'' can again be heard faintly in the background]<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Don't tell, don't tell me you're an American.<br />
<br />
[Portal can again be heard]<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I was born in America, I was raised in America my whole life, I never left the United States of America.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You can't tell me you're patriotic...if you were patriotic you wouldn't even have thought about making that video, [[Twin Falling Towers|that 9/11 video]]. I still can't believe why you made that. It doesn't matter. You don't... do that! You're not acting like a patriot, you're acting more like a terrorist.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression. At least I, at least I was man enough to admit I was wrong and I am, I did my best to undo the mistake by deleting my video, and making the apology.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know, Chris and Kacey are Americans too. And "sorry" doesn't undo the fact that you made that video.<br />
<br />
===Chris's love and memory===<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It may not, but at least I admitted I was wrong. And it takes a man to admit when he is wrong.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you still made it. You... you're not a man. Stop trying to call yourself a man. I mean, it takes a real man to change, and you haven't.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do change my habits. I have been changing my habits. And I have been better from the habits I have changed.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's a lie. You haven't done shit.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I...I have done a lot more than you can, than you are thinking right now. Or that you could ever think at this moment.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You said you stopped at a McDonald's, and you didn't... that's such a simple little thing, and you still lied about it. You can't stop eating fast food. What makes you think you can turn around and get a job and stop leeching off the government? And stop lying to Kacey?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''pauses''] Because... I am me, I have faith in me, and I am strong within myself.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I bet you don't even love Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do love Kacey!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I bet if Kacey left you right now, right this very moment, you would...you'd probably cry, for maybe just a couple seconds, then you'd go out and find another girl on the Internet.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [[The Wallflower|No!]]<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Wouldn't you? And even if you do love Kacey, you don't love Kacey nearly as much as Chris loves Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do love Kacey, truly and deeply. And I care about her, about that much, probably more.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And so does Chris, and he can prove it, so why don't you? You can't even stop eating McDonald's for her.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''pauses''] I can so prove it, and I will.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> God. You know, he knows her favorite color, and her favorite flower. I'm sure you don't.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Her favorite color is "tarquoise".<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Turquoise? That's... that's wrong.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It's a blue-green shade. ''[Chris is correct here, at least. On his [http://pastebin.com/8FxWDZq6 creepy date] with Kacey, she said her favorite color was [[Wikipedia:Teal (color)|teal]].]''<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, favorite flower.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''sigh''] I cannot say that I, I cannot say that I remember her favorite flower at the moment.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Aha. Really.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It could have been maybe because she did not mention her favorite flower yet. But she did tell me her favorite color. It was a shade, it was a blue-green shade. So turquoise is ''close''.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Can you remember anything? Okay, I bet you don't even remember some of the stuff I just said today. You probably don't even remember who in my family dies in 9/11, do you? I just said that, what, half an hour ago?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You, you said that your daughter, that your daughter was giving blood in New York, right by the 9/11 site.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, but who DIED, who of my family died in 9/11?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> The grandma.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> My grandma?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Her grandmother.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Who is?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> You did not mention her name.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> No... [''exasperated sigh''] ... no, okay, her grandmother, who is...?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Your mother.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> How long did that just take you? Good boy! God, this is just like talking to a preschooler.<br />
<br />
===Matthew crosses the line and Chris's reaction time===<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry, talking to a what?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> A preschooler. God. This is... man. You can't have Kacey, with this kind of, this is just ridiculous. I can't believe I'm talking to someone who's so... [[naïve]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''angry intake of breath''] You just crossed a line. You just crossed a line. By saying the word "naïve." That is like the worst insult to me...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What line?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> A line. You crossed the line. You've just... you just really ticked me off right there when you said that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What're you gonna do about it?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Nothing at the moment.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> "Nothing at the moment"?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Because I can't really do anything, I'm not right there in front of you, now, am I? I'm talking to you over the phone. The only thing I could do right now is let you know that you just crossed a line. By saying that word.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Are you... wait, wait, wait a minute, are you trying to threaten me? You trying to threaten an ex-Marine?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, I... no, I am not threatening you, I am not threatening you. I am in no position to threaten an ex-Marine. And I understand that, and I respect you as such.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay, so what are you saying? I could whoop your naïve little ass with my pinky if I wanted to. Kacey could whoop your ass! I'm surprised she hasn't already.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well. I would be able to defend myself.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So you would hit Kacey?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, I would not hit Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Have you ever defended yourself?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have defended myself.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''exhales in disbelief''] I'm sure that was something to see. Have you... I mean, I'm sure, I can see what would just happen. She'd probably try to throw a punch and you'd just bounce her off with your Buddha belly. Or so you call it.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I would either step to one side or block it with an arm!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''laughs''] That little limp-wristed twig of yours? You're pretty big, but you've got some pretty scrawny arms. And you're a pretty big target, she'd be...pretty hard to miss you. I've seen her punches.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't think you'd be able to react fast enough.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, you have not seen how I can, how fast I can react.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You can't even react fast enough to what I'm saying.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Because I'd like to spellcheck, and make sure I'm not making any mistakes. Make sure that my mind and my mouth are in sync.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Making... mistakes...?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> My mouth does not go faster than my mind.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What are you even...?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That's another, that is another one of my flaws, I am willing to admit. Sometimes my mouth goes faster than my brain.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Well, I bet that's not the only thing that goes faster than your brain. Are you trying to say you're some kind of computer or something? But this is, you're getting completely off the point. So tell me why, exactly, you aren't [[naïve]]? Why is this crossing the line so much?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Because it's insulting my intelligence.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What line did I cross exactly?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And I do not appreciate that. You made me feel... [[anger]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Because you haven't proven your intelligence to me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, just like a computer, my brain is random. It picks up memories at random. I cannot simply access them sometimes, even though most of the time I can. But sometimes I can't, and they later come back to me at random.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Okay... Here's how intelligent you really are, and that's because being naïve has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Look it up in the dictionary.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I have looked it up in the dictionary. It has nothing to do with intelli... what are you talking about? What dictionary are you looking in?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Webster's.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Webster's. You know, I'm sure, if you think naïve has to do with... I'm sure your "[[autism]]" is just some sort of blanket term for "retarded" for you. Isn't it?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'll admit I have had some slow-minded moments. But I am certainly not ''totally'' retarded.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> No. I'm looking at my dictionary, you know what "naïve" means? It means "inexperienced." Not "unintelligent." I shouldn't be calling you naïve, I should just be calling you a dumbass. But you are naïve as well.<br />
<br />
===Experience and respect===<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I've got a lot more experience than you could imagine.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''chuckles'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have had twenty-seven years of experience.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> With what? Eating [[McDonald's]] and watching [[TV]]? Son, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is younger than you, and he has had far more experiences than you have. And I've had fifty-two years of experience.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, how about being pinned down by three teachers, a guidance counselor, and an elementary school... prinstapull... and having your screams and cries recorded on audiotape like a torture chamber?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> The hell are you talking about?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And have, I was pretty much in that situation there in, back in the fourth grade. They were scared of, scared of...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> What did you do, some kind of temper tantrum?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, they were scared of me. They did not understand autism.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So, what, you just had some kind of retard panic attack and they didn't know what to do?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I, it was not a retard, no. It was not! They just hated me because they don't, they did not understand people with autism. And so they tortured me as such. I even ended up with a rash on my neck from that thing, among other things! And we had to find a school system, they wanted to put me in a mental institution! But that was not...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Because you NEED HELP. That's probably where you belong! And you call the other, you call Chris crazy... this is ridiculous.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do not belong in a mental... if I had gone to a mental institution, I would not have graduated high school or gotten my certificate and degree in [[Computer-Aided Drafting and Design]]. I've moved up from what you would consider a retarded state of mind.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I know retards with college degrees. They probably felt sorry for you. They probably just kinda let you through, that's probably what happened.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''angry stress sigh, or perhaps spluttering with rage'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know schools do that. And those other, I call them retards, but really, they're pretty good people. They actually did something with their degrees, believe it or not. People with Down's syndrome have done more than you. And that degree has don nothing for you.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It has done a lot, it has done a lot for me. It's given me the whole bunch of computer experience and potential that I have. And I will get an office job, and I will move out of this house, and I will run five miles!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> But you haven't done any of that. If you're gonna say it, then do it.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I would not be saying it if I was not going to do it. That is a promise.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You better do it before Kacey runs back to a real man.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay then.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Because I'm thinking that's going to happen pretty soon here. 27 years and you haven't changed.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, she did, she and I did not meet twenty-seven years ago, she and I met a few months ago.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you... and you haven't, she wasn't alive twenty-seven years ago. That doesn't even make any sense.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, what you said there a moment ago equally did not make much sense either. That was like you were implying, like as if she actually knew me my whole twenty-seven years.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This is insulting to my intelligence, talking to you. You've shown me nothing but disrespect.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have, I have...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I'm sure you show Kacey hardly any more respect than you show me. I've been trying to open your eyes here.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have shown you respect from the lot, for a while during the conversation.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> This is the kind of respect you show me, I would hate to see the kind of respect you show Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I show Kacey a lot of respect.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You probably don't even respect her as a person...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I do res...I do respect her as a person!<br />
<br />
===Chris is creepy and bad at dating===<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know, her sister said you kept trying to touch her when you met her.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Because I was nervous at the time!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You were NERVOUS? What the hell kind of response is that? You're nervous, so you try to touch, so you try to touch a girl? What the hell? That's...that's...that's just sick! That's my daughter, you're trying to touch a girl, you're trying to touch my daughter because you're nervous? Most people try to avoid touching people when they're nervous. Gah, I can't believe I just heard that, I should come and kick your ass right now!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I only touched her shoulder! I thought it was a friend gesture!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Her shoulder? You know, that didn't...I heard otherwise, I'm sorry.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I'm sorry too.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Did you try to kiss her?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Bullshit. She told her sister about what you did. I know. Are you telling me that Kacey lied?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am not saying that. I am not saying that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You trying to tell me that...I heard you did all kinds of other weird shit. You tried to sniff her or something?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> She was sharing her perfumes with me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't think so.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> She wanted my, she wanted my opinion on which perfume smelled better.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> She gave it to you, she said she gave it to you in the bottle first. You could have just opened the bottle and sniffed, you didn't have to sniff ''her'' to do it. That's a little creepy.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, she wanted the perfume, she wanted me to give an honest opinion about... on her.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You did it in front of her and her friend. Have you ever done this before? Is this something you do when you meet girls?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry, could you, could you, ah, repeat that?<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Have you...have you ever done this before, to another girl?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Mm...yeah, well, we've been talking about the sniffing thing. I just want to make sure I understand what we're talking about here.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yes...anything, any of this creepy....shit. This touching, this kissing, that I've been told you try to do.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well...first off I can definitely, honestly say that I have not kissed a girl yet...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> TRIED.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [[Emily#Kiss_fail|Or even tried to]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> ''Really''? <br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Truly.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yeah, I don't believe, I don't believe a word of that. How many dates have you even been on?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> In my lifetime? [[Hambeast|Only one]].<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Only one.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And this was a few months ago. Before I met Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Before you met Kacey.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And how did that turn out? How did she act towards you? What did she think of you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It turned out that girl just wasn't all that into me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I mean, Kacey met you around August, that was a couple of months ago. So how far along was this?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That one date was back in, was last June.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And now why exactly do you think she wasn't interested in you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I don't know. I am not a mind-reader.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So you can't think of a single reason why she might not have been interested in you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah. I can honestly say that I cannot.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You can't think of... I can think of a couple reasons right off the bat, why a girl would not have been into you. I don't even need to think about it. I mean... I mean, you can't even take them on a real date.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I took her on a real date. I took her to [[Wikipedia:Applebee's|Applebee's]], and I paid for her, for what she ate and what she drank there.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You paid for her. And how much was that?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> That was about $10.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> $10.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's... $10 for dinner. Are you sure you just didn't go to McDonald's again?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''indignant''] No, this was APPLEBEE'S. And [[Kim]] was there, she could the same, she could tell you the same thing.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So where would you take Kacey? She's a pretty high-class girl. I'm sure you probably didn't even tip.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry, I did not understand the second half of that sentence, after you said "Kacey is a high-class girl."<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I said you probably didn't even tip. So where exactly are you going to take Kacey?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, I did tip.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You even know how much you're supposed to tip.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> About 15% or 20%.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So how much did you tip, then, if you paid $10?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I tipped a buck fifty.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Really. <br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's still pretty cheap. You know, Kacey probably wouldn't like that if you tipped her that much. You know she's a waitress, right? Tips are pretty important to waitresses.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yep, I understand that, tips are important. But still, 15% of $10 is a dollar fifty.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> That's true. Okay, so how much would you tip if you paid, say, $80 for dinner? Which is very possible, if you go to the kind of places Kacey likes to go.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Hm... let's see... that would be about $12.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So you would pay just $12, you wouldn't go up to, like, you wouldn't even just toss them a twenty or something? Can you even do math?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I cannot say that my family is of the high-class, hoity-toity, rich type, type of people. We are on average income.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You could at least... they're not rich either. They still left a twenty.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well... good for them.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You're not even on an income. Income would be, like, you actually have a job. Man, Chris treats her so much better than you, shows her so much more respect.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, I give you respect throughout the beginning of the conversation.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You've given me nothing.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> And then, and then, I started to feel insulted, from being, from being talked down about, about the things I've talked about. And that she told you, like about the McDonald's and the video games and that sort of thing, when I am so much better than that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And I have not seen any of this, because it probably doesn't exist.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It does exist.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I mean, telling the truth isn't, it's not made of Pokeymans and all that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> It is not.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And how are you better than all this? You're doing exactly, you're doing just that, talking about stupid fucking Pokeymans and shit. That's all I'm really getting about you. You do nothing but exactly what you've said.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay, well, what can you...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You need to be better. Not say you could be better.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> At least I am HONEST when I say I could be better. At least I don't go around lying, pretending that I am an astronaut.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> [''laughs in disbelief''] You're not. You're not being honest.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, I have been honest. Otherwise I would have said that I was an astronaut, but that would be lying. And I have not been lying this conversation.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Would have been a pretty bad lie, too.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I know, but that's just an example off the top of my head at the moment.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You don't even have the eyes to be an astronaut, I mean, c'mon. You don't have the weight. You especially don't have the weight.<br />
<br />
===Endgame===<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Long silence''] Well... I'll just say that this has been a most experiencing conversation, and I wish you a pleasant evening. Take care, [[Mr. Devoria]], and stay safe. And please give my most fondest regards to Kacey as well. I love her and I care about her very much.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Don't you hang up on me. When did I say that this conversation was over?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well. You could say the insult, I'm getting tired of insults, I feel like I need to go, I feel like I need to go take a shower, and get ready to sleep. We are in the same time zone, it's ten after two right now.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Actually, you know, that's fine, you can go whine and weasel your way out of this. You don't even deserve my daughter. What are you gonna do after this, what are you going to do tomorrow? Are you going to get up, sleep, you're going to get up and play video games again. That's... that's...<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I am not, I will not be that way, I am going to get up and I'm going to be finding a job in the office. And I am going to be jogging for fifteen to thirty minutes.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't believe...you know what Kacey's gonna do? She's gonna go to school, and she's gonna call Chris back. That's what she's gonna do.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Snide and superior''] Well, that's what you think she's gonna do. You do not control her.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you know why she's gonna do that? It's because she, because he's the one she wants. You know that song that she made for Chris? She made it for him. Not you. [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey|You know that song, that "Whole New World," from that Disney movie]]? She made that for him.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> No, she told me she made that for me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Oh, no she didn't.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Oh yes she did!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I think I know my daughter a little better than you do.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Well, I'll have to check with her on that.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> He even sang it for her! I mean, what really made you think it was for you?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Because she told me so herself!<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> She told ME that she made it for him. Unless you're saying she's lying.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm not, I am not saying she's lying, because...<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And I saw that video. You didn't even know the lyrics to that song. You had to look it up. I could see the paper in your hand. And you had to sing over the words, you didn't even get the karaoke version or something. How could you possibly have known the lyrics?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I have watched the [[Wikipedia:Aladdin (film)|''Aladdin'']] movie a whole number of times. I would say greater than ten times. In my lifetime. At this point.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> And you know how I know that was made for him, and not you? Because that song was their song. They know it by HEART. And that has always been their song.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Okay.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> You know they were going to sing it to each other at their wedding?<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''More silence''] I see.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Well, this, this is really...this has really been enlightening. Learning about just how unworthy a person can be for my daughter. How much of a...I have to congratulate you, though, because you totally did a great job at getting Kacey and Chris back together.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> [''Bursting in''] Seriously, Chris, how could you?! You've been so insulting to my father, and everything...Chris would never have done this! Maybe I did make a wrong decision! I don't think I can do this.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Heavy sigh'']<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Maybe I was thinking of him all along, maybe I just displaced things. Just, I can't believe you would do this. I was crying, and all you did was argue with my father. You didn't even care enough to check on me, or see if you could talk to me, Chris would never have done that. Chris would have demanded to talk to me right away and he would have calmed me down. I mean, obviously you misunderstood me.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I guess...maybe I did.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> You know what? I don't want you. I don't want this, I don't need this right now. I have so much going on with finals and everything, and this is the way you're going to act? Yeah. My father's right. You're going to have to do something HUGE. You can't even work on the comic you promised me, you made me a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing. Where the Hell's the comic, Chris? You know what? You probably still won't make it. So you know what? I can't do this. You need to totally reform your life. I mean, Chris would have come by. He would have driven the two hours just to comfort me once he heard I was crying.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, well, if I knew where you were I would have driven two hours as well. But I did not know...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> You know you won't! You always want me to come to you. It's stupid.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean... yeah, I would have asked, I mean, I did ask you for your address, but then... and I did ask you for your phone number.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> And I told you that you can't get it until you get my parents to trust you because you know they're overprotective! And you think this is the way you do it?! I bet you're not even gonna finish the comic! You can't even finish it tonight. Or anything. You can't do anything.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I can so.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> Well, obviously you're not motivated enough. Because you haven't done anything like that. You've promised me a song a long time ago, never got it. Chris has written me, like, three songs. You promised me tons of things, you never keep your promises. You just sit around playing video games, you made a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing for me. Come on. All I wanted was the damn comic, all I wanted was you just to pay attention. You don't even pick up the phone anymore because of the trolls, because of the [[STRESS]]. I can't do this. I want a real man.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> [''Silence again''] You can't even say anything. Dad, I think you're totally right.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> Yeah. Don't tell him where we live, I don't want my name and number, I don't want him to know my name and number.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> See?! Look what you've done, Chris. Look what you've done!<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry. <br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> It's not like you're gonna do anything to make up for it. So you know what? I don't even care. Dad, you can do whatever, that's all he can say, I'm done.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't know, I don't think I want to get in trouble...<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> He's not, Chris, screw this.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> I don't want to get in trouble for beating the shit out of this faggot anyway.<br />
<br />
<font color="#FF0066">'''Kacey:'''</font> I'm gonna go, this is too much for me. You can finish this off, Dad.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> I'm sorry.<br />
<br />
<font color="#0033FF">'''Chris:'''</font> [''Silence reigns''] I would like to say...good evening.<br />
<br />
<font color="#009966">'''Dad:'''</font> So...what are you gonna do now?<br />
<br />
[''Tape runs out'']<br />
<br />
{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Kacey Phone Call]]|nextlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}<br />
<br />
==External links==<br />
*[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=Y1N7JXQ3 mp3 of phonecall]<br />
*Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SKLGsJC6R0 the call on YouTube]<br />
<br />
{{FanChats}}<br />
<br />
[[Category:Phone calls]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=JuggaloShoutOut&diff=122700JuggaloShoutOut2010-10-30T21:03:55Z<p>Kyweaver: </p>
<hr />
<div>'''JuggaloShoutOut''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 30 [[October 2010]]. In this video, Chris keeps on the facepaint from his [[DivineTrial|earlier video]] while giving a "shout out" to fellow [[wikipedia:Insane Clown Posse|Insane Clown Posse]] fans who refer to themselves as ''juggalos.'' They are known for having many idiotic douchebags among their fanbase, which fits Chris's description perfectly. Chris may be a fan of ICP due to the fact he believes they are different and a stand against society while failing to realize that millions of people listen to ICP and in fact among the mainstream. <br />
<br />
Chris recites a lyric from [[wikipedia:Coolio|Coolio's]] "Gangsta's Paradise", possibly misattributing it to an Insane Clown Posse song.<br />
<br />
==Video==<br />
<br />
{{Infobox/video<br />
| name = JuggaloShoutOut<br />
| video = {{#ev:youtube|sG1Wpp1NEm8}}<br />
| stardate = 30 [[October 2010]]<br />
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}<br />
| style = {{Crazy|text}}<br />
| shirt = {{VertRedShirt|text}}<br />
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}<br />
| previous = [[DivineTrial]]<br />
| next = [[HairDifference]]<br />
}}<br />
<br />
===Transcript===<br />
<br />
[Chris is still wearing the facepaint and plush boobs he used during the DivineTrial video, although he has lost the red sheet of construction paper over his crotch.]<br />
<br />
Also, another thing.<br />
<br />
''[Chris breaks into song.]''<br />
<br />
We will do this gangsta's paradise! Da da da da, da, da da da. Da da da da da, da da da.<br />
<br />
''[Chris leans into the camera.]''<br />
<br />
Always be a member of the juggalo family! We juggalos rule.<br />
<br />
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[DivineTrial]]|nextlink=[[HairDifference]]}}<br />
<br />
{{Videos}}<br />
<br />
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=JuggaloShoutOut&diff=122685JuggaloShoutOut2010-10-30T19:18:26Z<p>Kyweaver: </p>
<hr />
<div>'''JuggaloShoutOut''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 30 [[October 2010]]. In this video, Chris keeps on the facepaint from his [[DivineTrial|earlier video]] while giving a "shout out" to fellow [[wikipedia:Insane Clown Posse|Insane Clown Posse]] fans who refer to themselves as ''juggalos.'' They are known for having many idiotic douchebags among their fanbase, which fits Chris's description perfectly. Chris may be a fan of ICP due to the fact he believes they are different and a stand against society while failing to realise that millions of people listen to ICP and in fact among the mainstream. <br />
<br />
Chris recites a lyric from [[wikipedia:Coolio|Coolio's]] "Gangsta's Paradise", possibly misattributing it to an Insane Clown Posse song.<br />
<br />
==Video==<br />
<br />
{{Infobox/video<br />
| name = JuggaloShoutOut<br />
| video = {{#ev:youtube|sG1Wpp1NEm8}}<br />
| stardate = 30 [[October 2010]]<br />
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}<br />
| style = {{Crazy|text}}<br />
| shirt = {{VertRedShirt|text}}<br />
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}<br />
| previous = [[DivineTrial]]<br />
| next = [[HairDifference]]<br />
}}<br />
<br />
===Transcript===<br />
<br />
[Chris is still wearing the facepaint and plush boobs he used during the DivineTrial video, although he has lost the red sheet of construction paper over his crotch.]<br />
<br />
Also, another thing.<br />
<br />
''[Chris breaks into song.]''<br />
<br />
We will do this gangsta's paradise! Da da da da, da, da da da. Da da da da da, da da da.<br />
<br />
''[Chris leans into the camera.]''<br />
<br />
Always be a member of the juggalo family! We juggalos rule.<br />
<br />
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[DivineTrial]]|nextlink=[[HairDifference]]}}<br />
<br />
{{Videos}}<br />
<br />
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=JuggaloShoutOut&diff=122684JuggaloShoutOut2010-10-30T19:16:56Z<p>Kyweaver: </p>
<hr />
<div>'''JuggaloShoutOut''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 30 [[October 2010]]. In this video, Chris keeps on the facepaint from his [[DivineTrial|earlier video]] while giving a "shout out" to fellow [[wikipedia:Insane Clown Posse|Insane Clown Posse]] fans who refer to themselves as ''juggalos.'' They are known for having many idiotic douchebags among their fanbase, which fits chris's description perfectly. Chris may be a fan of ICP due to the fact he believes they are different and a stand against society while failing to realise that millions of people listen to ICP and in fact among the mainstream. <br />
<br />
Chris recites a lyric from [[wikipedia:Coolio|Coolio's]] "Gangsta's Paradise", possibly misattributing it to an Insane Clown Posse song.<br />
<br />
==Video==<br />
<br />
{{Infobox/video<br />
| name = JuggaloShoutOut<br />
| video = {{#ev:youtube|sG1Wpp1NEm8}}<br />
| stardate = 30 [[October 2010]]<br />
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}<br />
| style = {{Crazy|text}}<br />
| shirt = {{VertRedShirt|text}}<br />
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}<br />
| previous = [[DivineTrial]]<br />
| next = [[HairDifference]]<br />
}}<br />
<br />
===Transcript===<br />
<br />
[Chris is still wearing the facepaint and plush boobs he used during the DivineTrial video, although he has lost the red sheet of construction paper over his crotch.]<br />
<br />
Also, another thing.<br />
<br />
''[Chris breaks into song.]''<br />
<br />
We will do this gangsta's paradise! Da da da da, da, da da da. Da da da da da, da da da.<br />
<br />
''[Chris leans into the camera.]''<br />
<br />
Always be a member of the juggalo family! We juggalos rule.<br />
<br />
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[DivineTrial]]|nextlink=[[HairDifference]]}}<br />
<br />
{{Videos}}<br />
<br />
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=JuggaloShoutOut&diff=122683JuggaloShoutOut2010-10-30T19:15:40Z<p>Kyweaver: </p>
<hr />
<div>'''JuggaloShoutOut''' is a video [[Chris]] uploaded on 30 [[October 2010]]. In this video, Chris keeps on the facepaint from his [[DivineTrial|earlier video]] while giving a "shout out" to fellow [[wikipedia:Insane Clown Posse|Insane Clown Posse]] fans who refer to themselves as ''juggalos.'' They are know for having many idiots among their fanbase, which fits chris's description perfectly. Chris may be a fan of ICP due to the fact he believes they are different and a stand against socioty while failing to realise that millions of people listen to ICP and in is in fact not different at all. At least in terms of listening to music. <br />
<br />
Chris recites a lyric from [[wikipedia:Coolio|Coolio's]] "Gangsta's Paradise", possibly misattributing it to an Insane Clown Posse song.<br />
<br />
==Video==<br />
<br />
{{Infobox/video<br />
| name = JuggaloShoutOut<br />
| video = {{#ev:youtube|sG1Wpp1NEm8}}<br />
| stardate = 30 [[October 2010]]<br />
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}<br />
| style = {{Crazy|text}}<br />
| shirt = {{VertRedShirt|text}}<br />
| saga = {{Clyde|text}}<br />
| previous = [[DivineTrial]]<br />
| next = [[HairDifference]]<br />
}}<br />
<br />
===Transcript===<br />
<br />
[Chris is still wearing the facepaint and plush boobs he used during the DivineTrial video, although he has lost the red sheet of construction paper over his crotch.]<br />
<br />
Also, another thing.<br />
<br />
''[Chris breaks into song.]''<br />
<br />
We will do this gangsta's paradise! Da da da da, da, da da da. Da da da da da, da da da.<br />
<br />
''[Chris leans into the camera.]''<br />
<br />
Always be a member of the juggalo family! We juggalos rule.<br />
<br />
{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[DivineTrial]]|nextlink=[[HairDifference]]}}<br />
<br />
{{Videos}}<br />
<br />
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]</div>Kyweaverhttps://sonichu.com/w/index.php?title=Asperchu&diff=122358Asperchu2010-10-28T22:30:00Z<p>Kyweaver: </p>
<hr />
<div>[[Image:Asperchu-and-sonichu-meet.jpg|thumb|The first drawing Alec sent Chris.]]<br />
:''This article discusses the award-winning comic series '''Asperchu''' and its relationship with Chris. For information about the Asperchu series itself, please see [[Asperchu/Background]].''<br />
<br />
'''Asperchu''' is a popular award-winning comic series created by Alec Benson Leary of Eden Prarie, Minnesota. His deft artwork, gripping stories, and excellent characterization has resulted in the series gaining hundreds of fans in the few short months since its inception. Many of these fans were discontented followers of the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu comics]], which have recently become exponentially more disturbing.<br />
<br />
==Similarities to Chris==<br />
While Alec has stated that [[Mailbag 32#Parodies|Asperchu is not a Parody]] of [[Chris]], there are many similarities between the two. Both of them are [[Obesity|overweight]], [[Pedo-Glasses|bespectacled]], [[naïve]] individuals who find themselves somewhat out of place in the world. They both address the masses through [[List of Videos|youtube videos]], and both are preoccupied with finding a [[boyfriend-free girl]] to make into a [[sweetheart]].<br />
<br />
These similarities between the two characters has resulted in no shortage of [[Chris and Anger|rage]] from Chris. He seems to feel that the only reason Asperchu exists is to poke fun at him. He also takes serious offense at the idea of a Sonichu who suffers from [[Aspergers]], for some reason.<br />
<br />
==Chris on Asperchu==<br />
<br />
{{quote|''Die'', you son of a bitch! Alec... '''Die'''.|[[Chris]] on Asperchu - [[Down With Asperchu]]}}<br />
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[[Image:Aspergchulove.jpg|thumb|The second drawing Alec sent Chris.]]<br />
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It's no secret that Chris hates [[Aspergers]] (and presumably everybody that suffers from it), due to some misguided sense of competition between Aspergers syndrome and other disorders on the [[autism]] spectrum. The knowledge that someone had created a series about an Electric Hedgehog Pokémon who suffered from the affliction did not sit well with him. He became even worse when the creator of the series himself started sending him e-mails.<br />
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The [[Mailbag 10#Meet Asperchu|first recorded communication]] we have between Alec and Chris implies that Alec had been in contact with him multiple times outside of the public view and that Chris had responded to these communications negatively. Chris didn't respond any better on his public mailbag, claiming that Alec was jealous of him and alleging that the included fanart of Asperchu and Sonichu implied homosexuality. <br />
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Upset that Chris would jump to such conclusions, Alec [[Mailbag 17#Sonichu loves Asperchu no homo|sent him another letter]], depicting Sonichu and Asperchu having good, masculine straight fun. This letter was even more poorly received.<br />
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Undaunted, Alec continued to send letters to Chris's mailbag, thinking that perhaps the man he respected so much really just misunderstood him. A few of these letters were [[Mailbag 19#A very Asperchu Christmas|ignored]], some were [[Mailbag 28#Hey kids, it's Asperchu!|coldly dismissed]], but Chris's most [[Mailbag 31#Asperchu is the shit|notable]] [[Mailbag 32#Parodies|responses]] were were explosive outbursts of [[Chris and Anger|anger]] and hatred. Eventually, Chris began [[Mailbag 35#No comment|refusing to respond]] to Alec's correspondence, or [[Mailbag 34#Asperpedia!|deleting his messages outright]].<br />
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In Asperchu Issue C (or 0C), Chris made an appearance asking for help from the characters to save Asperchu. Later, he and [[Liquid Chris|CChanSonichuCWC]] met up with each other, leading to a standoff where Chris tried to shoot him. Chris [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|responded]] to the comic, mentioning that he was set on fire in the comic. He didn't seem to notice that he was also called by the name [[Ian Brandon Anderson]], nor did he notice the appearance of Liquid Chris.<br />
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Since the Asperchu saga started really taking off, Chris's schedule for [[Sonichu (comic)|his own comic]] has [[stress|dropped drastically]].<br />
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Beyond this, Chris made clear that he also hates the comic because of its "uncensored pictures" and "low resolution and blocky pictures". Here, we see Chris's [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]] in action. The "uncensored pictures" he's all up in arms over are just minor posters hung up mostly in Asperchu's room and even so, they are mostly hidden away by the character's heads. Chris's "uncensored pictures" are done by the main characters in full view, despite the fact that Sonichu is supposed to be a ''kids' comic''. As for the "low resolution and blocky pictures", the artwork is done through an art program (presumably Photoshop, if one of Alec's correspondences to Chris is correct), thus it does seem a bit blocky. Of course, compared to Chris's [[Chris and Art|art]], it's the fucking Mona Lisa. It also helps that Alec is humble and doesn't try to act like his artwork is amazing and worthy of being hung in a museum.<br />
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==Asperpedia==<br />
[[Image:Mao Bamboo Ling.JPG||thumb|Mao, rockin' sunglasses]]<br />
[[Image:Haitihelp.JPG|thumb|Clearly Asperchu is pure evil.]]<br />
After finishing the first three issues of his comic, Alec Benson Leary set up his own Mediawiki website where one could read all existing comics, as well as a number of articles about the world of Asperchu, and read fan mail answered by Mr. Leary. Soon afterward, portals were added to the site for other notable comics, such as [[Evan]]'s [[Evan#Simonchu|Simonchu]], {{anchor|Sean}}and Sonichu is Dead creator Sean August Watley's latest project, Moon-Pals. In [[February 2010]], more comics were added, including Alec's Sonichu Revolution, Sean's Sonichu is Dead and Sonichu is Gay, and Isabel Monday's Capering Berries.<br />
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[[Jack Thaddeus]], recognizing the incredible profit potential of Asperchu, immediately began advertising the new website on the [[CWCipedia]]. Chris responded to these new ads, and his newfound knowledge of Alec's website with a series of increasingly disturbing videos<ref>[[Down with Asperchu]], [[12 January 2010]], [[14 January 2010]], [[15 January 2010]] and [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L]]</ref> where he made his opinions on the matter quite clear.<br />
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Alec, being a gentle soul has not directly responded to any of Chris's offensive videos. When [[Down with Asperchu#Alec's response to the video|asked by a concerned fan]], he outlined his planned course of action as one of peace, citing his personal hero, [[Wikipedia:Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi|Mahatma Gandhi]]. His webmaster, Mao "Bamboo" Ling has opted for a more direct approach, speaking to Chris directly in 2 short [[YouTube]] videos.<br />
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The large banner ad for Asperpedia was replaced by a link to information on the US government's efforts to help the victims of the earthquake in Haiti, because Alec cares about the plight of his fellow man.<br />
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Due to the growing popularity of Asperchu over Sonichu, the site recently set up a fan portal where aspiring writers can make their own Sonichu fanfictions. Various pre-existing titles, including Sonichu: The Animated Series, are also hosted in the fan section. There is even a parody version of [[CWCipedia]] set up by Mao, where totally fictitious articles on Sonichu-related things are made, including photoshopped images of the original comic.<br />
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Eventually on May 27th 2010, Mao took complete control of CWCipedia, after which Alec and [[Vivian Gee]] started uploading Sonichu Season 2. The CWCipedia was then permanently deleted for Mao to gain the upper hand after noting to the Comic Fury staff that without Sonichu and Chris to bargain for a lower price: they must be forced to sign with him. The rights to the Asperpedia was then sold for $150,000.<br />
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===The 19 January Demands===<br />
On 19 January 2010, Chris uploaded 12 new pages of [[Sonichu 10]], which are centered mostly around Asperchu and the Asperpedia. [[Chris and his ego|Ever the heroic savior]], Chris pictures himself, along with [[Ultra Sonichu]], destroying the slanderous Asperpedia and saving Alec's characters from their [[Asperger syndrome|terrible affliction]], with Asperchu himself getting an ''EXTREME ELECTRIC MAKEOVER'' and becoming "[[Mitch Sonichu]]".<br />
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Not content with this, Chris then issued an ultimatum to Alec through a blog post:<br />
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{{Quote|Although within Alec's Hands, Asperchu IS a horrific joke, not only because of the uncensored nudity, wrongful character usage and all that, but also because the whole thing is drawn in a c***py Blocky and Low Resolution way.<br />
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I still have NO association with Alec Benson Leary OR HIS Asperchu character Whatsoever, but I will forgive Alec for his error if he FOLLOWS from my new plot and Extreme Electric Makeover as a template. He is no longer "Asperchu", just call him Mitch Sonichu.|Chris's featured quote on 19 January 2010}}<br />
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Alec didn't listen to Chris's demands, instead keeping everyone there and just introducing Mitch Sonichu as simply "Mitch Chu", who appears to be a [[Homos|gay stylist]], as well as Whisp Sonichu as the character Whispy Sonichu, Punchy's [[slow-in-the-mind]] cousin.<br />
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==Apologies==<br />
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In [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|a video]] Chris finally admitted that Asperchu was not a [[parody]] of himself or his original creation, Sonichu, and was instead a completely original character. He also apologized for spreading lies about Alec, such as suggesting that he [[Mailbag 50|only responded to fanmail that puts him in a positive light]], and for the constant [[death threats]] against him. He also apologized for trying to commandeer [[Evan]]'s [[Simonchu]] character (though he tactfully avoided mentioning his blatant ripoff, [[Simonla]]).<br />
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However, Chris's real motivations quickly become obvious as he proceeded to beg Alec and Evan to help him take down the [[CWCipedia#CWCipedia Advertisements|Cwcipedia ads]], which had become increasingly homoerotic and insulting to Chris.<br />
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A few days later, Chris made [[I am Alive|another video]] fully apologizing for his threats towards the four, deciding to give up Simonla and delivering a half-assed Forgiveness Blessing to Mao, in the hope of finally removing the ads (which also included a [[parody]] of [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]] involving him and [[Snorlax|his mom]] and an obituary for Chris).<br />
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On 25 February 2010, Chris released the last pages of [[Sonichu 10]], in which he did kill Simonla... but turned around and ''executed'' the "Asperchu Four". It remains to be seen as to what happens next.<br />
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==Phone calls==<br />
{{main|Alec Benson Leary calls}}<br />
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{{quote|Encourage the fans that were originally my fans to come back to me.|Chris}}<br />
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On 9 February 2010 Mao sent Evan and Sean a series of seven phone conversations between Alec Benson Leary and Chris. While these conversations were meant to stay between the [[Asperpedia]] staff, they were eventually leaked by Mao for the world to hear. An [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|eighth]] and [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|ninth]] phone call between Chris and Alec followed on 18 February and 25 February, respectively.<br />
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==Trial and execution of Asperpedia staff==<br />
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{{Quote|We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore.|Chris, ''[[Sonichu 10]]''}}<br />
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Despite Alec attempting to help Chris out several times during the phonecalls, Chris would involve Alec, along with Mao, Sean and Evan, in the penultimate pages of ''[[Sonichu 10]]''. They are portrayed as stupid, murderous characters, who are tried by Cwcville's Court for the murder of Simonla, as well as the theft and mockery of several citizens of Cwcville. After a rather one-sided trial (in Cwcville's favor, of course), Alec and co. are sentenced to death, Alec specifically in a "ten-button Electric chair". He is electrocuted to death by various characters that were "misrepresented" in ''Asperchu'', including Sonichu, who states that he is [[Homos|"not gay"]] as he jointly ends Alec's life. Chris himself also joins in on the fun, and ironically, and also hypocritically states that Alec is a "d*** lunatic", after which he helps fry him to a crisp and breaks all of Mao's bones using telekinesis. Evan is horribly mutilated by [[Sandy Rosechu]] whilst chained to a wall, and [[Moon-Pals|Sean]] is used as target practice by Bill the Scientist, Kel and Allison.<br />
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During this brutality, Chris also [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Calls|apologizes]] for some of his own wrongdoings towards the Asperchu Four, as well as his fans.<br />
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==Sonichu Revolution==<br />
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When the CWCipedia was taken down during the [[Simonchu]] dispute, it appeared Chris was not going to budge and would [[9_February_2010|possibly set up shop elsewhere]]. Considering Chris's laziness, how long that would take was anyone's guess. The possibility that no new comics would appear for days, weeks, or even months was likely, and this didn't take into account how often Chris's new digs would get hacked. Fortunately Alec, being the nice guy that he is, decided Sonichu fans should not be deprived of the promised reboot. He took it upon himself to not only deliver fans new pages through Chris's site, but to also take care of the looming copyright issues that Chris had been unwilling to tackle. All while still uploading new Asperchu comics. <br />
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Chris, of course, took this in entirely the wrong way. In the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|eighth phone call]], he accused Alec of stealing his work and attempting to impersonate him. Also, while he expressed offense at the violence of some of the Sonichu Revolution strips, he showed no signs of grasping the way Alec's comic mocks the unoriginality, moral hypocrisy, sexual degeneracy, and generally warped outlook of Chris's original Sonichu stories.<br />
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===Sonichu Revolution Gallery===<br />
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Image:Sonichurevolution01.jpg<br />
Image:Sonichurevolution02.jpg<br />
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Image:Sonichurevolution06.jpg<br />
Image:Sonichurevolution07.jpg<br />
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Image:SonichuRevolution9.jpg<br />
Image:SonichuRevolution10.jpg<br />
Image:SonichuRevolution11.jpg<br />
Image:Sonichurevolution12.jpg<br />
Image:Sonichurevolution13.jpg<br />
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==CWCipedia advertisements==<br />
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[[File:Asperchuissue5ad.jpg|thumb|200px|The ad in question.]]<br />
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Shortly after 110MB returned from what may be its billionth outage, a large Asperchu ad appeared at the top of every article, depicting [[Sonichu]] shooting <s>Chris</s> Ian in the calves ([[Sonichu Special 4|sound familiar?]]) while calling him a "[[Honest Content|fat little son of a bitch]]". Chris claimed that he won't let the ad get to him, but as anyone who has heard a lulzcow claim this before knows, this implies that he could possibly be one good push away from an explosion. Either that, or he failed to grasp this ad like the [[ShecameforCWC.jpg]] ad parody. <br />
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[[Jackie e-mails|Jackie]] came across this ad and, thinking it was one of the Sonichu comics, thought it was, as advertised, fucking awesome. Chris explained to her it was really a troll advertisement, which eventually lead to him showing her [[CWCki]] and her finding out what a lazy monster he is, ending the online correspondence. So even if it failed to provoke a response from Chris, it managed to perform some small service in [[The Miscreants|the larger scheme of things]].<br />
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[[File:AsperchuMarkDeux.jpg|thumb|left|200px|The (other) ad in question.]]<br />
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Eventually, the ad was taken down, although it was quickly replaced with another, smaller one featuring a callback to the scene of Evan's cold-blooded torture from [[Sonichu 10]]. Chris has yet to respond to this, most likely because he's too busy [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|bitching about being not being unbanned from The GAMe PLACe]].<br />
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[[File:Sonichu0.jpg|thumb|200px|The (final) ad in question.]]<br />
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Yet another ad was put up a few days later, depicting Ian Brandon Anderson's final death. It was taken down relatively quickly and replaced with an Autism Awareness Month ad (featuring a mention of the hated [[Asperger's syndrome]], no less), so it isn't unreasonable to believe Chris may have missed this one entirely.<br />
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==Footnotes==<br />
<references/><br />
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==See also==<br />
*[[Asperchu/Background]]: More about the comic itself<br />
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==External links==<br />
*<s>[http://hsienko.com/asperchu/index.php?title=Main_Page Asperpedia]: Asperchu's very own Wiki</s> '''DEAD'''<br />
*[http://hsienko.com/asperchu/ What remains of the Asperpedia]<br />
*[http://www.youtube.com/user/Asperchu Asperpedia's YouTube channel]<br />
*[http://asperchu.thecomicseries.com/archive/ Asperchu on thecomicseries]<br />
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[[Category:Not TRUE and ORIGINAL]]</div>Kyweaver