CWCki - User contributions [en]

Christian and the Hedgehog Boys

2017-05-17T14:48:42Z

Largo best: typo

[[Image:074-HedgehogBoys.jpg|thumb|The Hedgehog Boys]]
{{Quote|[[Shadow]]! [[Blake|Black Sonichu]]! The [[Niggos|dark half]] can rock you! [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]] Rockin' in the atomic! And [[Chris and his Ego|the leader]] who put the band together Singin’ with this song! His name is [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian Chandler]]!|from "[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme]]"}}
::''For their self-titled album, see [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)]]. For their theme song, see [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme]].''

'''Christian & the Hedgehog Boys''' is the name [[Chris]] gave to his musical "band". In [[Chris and reality|reality]], there was no band. Instead, the project consisted exclusively of Chris poorly recording himself shouting awful lyrics about [[Ego|his shitty life]] over [[Chris and copyright|copyrighted]] pop music, which, according to Chris, qualifies as a music group.

==The boys in the band==
[[File:Hedboy.PNG|thumb|Scenes like this made the breakup of the band inevitable.]]

The gap between albums speaks volumes about the internal problems the band has faced, including [[Tobacky|drug abuse]], [[Pregnant Act|unwanted pregnancies]], [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|regicide]] and [[Hanky-panky|general debauchery]].

*[[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Christian Weston Chandler]]: vocals
*[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]: bass, or perhaps guitar ([[Chris and Art|thanks, Chris]])
*[[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]]: guitar
*[[Shadow the Hedgehog]]: drums
*[[Black Sonichu]] (Blake): keyboard

In the [[2009]] incarnation of the band, Sonic and Shadow were gone, replaced by [[Wild]] (on bass) and [[Punchy]] (on drums). [[Layla Flaaffy]] also joined as stage manager.<ref>[[Ivy Q&A]]</ref> {{clear}}

==Albums==
[[Image:057-CWCHedgeBoysv2.jpg|thumb|left|First album cover]]
[[Image:CWCHedgehogBoysCOMEBACKfront.jpg|thumb|Second album]]
To date, they have released two albums:

*'''''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|Christian & the Hedgehog Boys]]'''''

:Release date: [[2003]]

*'''''[[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!|Christian & the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]'''''
:Release date: [[2009]]
{{clear}}

==Singles==
Christian & the Hedgehog Boys have released standalone singles over [[YouTube]] for "[[CWC%27s_%22It%27s_All_Coming_Back_To_Me%22|It's All Coming Back To Me]]" and "[[CWC_Music_Video_Holding_Out_For_a_Hero|Holding Out For A Hero]]" that feature unique combinations of live-action, comic drawings and shit. The lyrics of "[[Revive Zordon]]" appear in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], but a musical version has yet to appear.
==Gallery==
{{clear}}
[[File:Autisticmajesties.jpg|thumb|left|[[Barack Obama|The Rolling Stones]] edition]]
[[File:128650737563.jpg|thumb|right|[[100 2269|The Beatles]] edition]]
<gallery>
Image:107-HookedOnSonichu2.jpg|One listen, and you'll be hooked!
Image:200-RockinSonichu.jpg|Sonichu is doing it wrong
Image:447px-Artgalleryhedgehogs.jpg|As seen in ''Sonichu'' Comics!
Image:SchuComic6P14.jpg|Ad from [[Sonichu 6|''Sonichu'' #6]]
Image:CWCSchuBrit.jpg|For whatever reason, Sonichu is holding a copy of the Hedgehog Boys' first album.
</gallery>

==External links==
*[https://mega.co.nz/#!1NYD1BpT!4Q4dWp7ZU-qoShcMGuWvDKUSo8wb-DHnUvwLm87Na9k Download Christian and the Hedgehog Boys] (Working Link as of 5/18/15)
*[https://mega.co.nz/#!lVgnFCQQ!nrpH0QQr_S6sH2s8_unQLO8q6muwAjxGpdZz1YV-sRM Download Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!] (Working Link as of 5/18/15)
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys COMEBACK!]]
==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=CWC Sings}}
*[[Chris and music]]
*[[Robee Sonee and the Tomgirls]]
{{References}}
{{Hedgehog Boys}}
[[Category: Christian and the Hedgehog Boys]]
[[Category: Music]]

CWCki Forums

2017-05-04T15:15:58Z

Largo best: another broken to "riddle"

{{quote|You God Damn Pinheads!!!! I have already told you; [[Chris]] has told you!!!! The Riddle's answer was the FUCKING PITTSBURG PIRATES!!!! CHRISTIAN IS NOT A GOD DAMNED [[Homos|HOMO]]!!!! CHRISTIAN IS [[STRAIGHT]]!!!! He gets [[Cakefarts|hard]] over women!! He vomits at [[JERKS|males]]!!

GET IT THROUGH YOUR GOD DAMNED, DEMENTED, THICK SKULLS, YOU GOD DAMNED PINHEADS!!!!

I should know very well, because I Am Christian Weston Chandler of [[Ruckersville]], [[Virginia|VA]], himself!!!!

You god damned males make me vomit, sick and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit]]!!|Chris on 24 August 2013}}

[[File:137704626985.jpg|thumb|400px|This is basically it.]]

The '''CWCki Forums''' was the name of a web message board previously loosely affiliated with the [[CWCki]]. It was frequented by many of the wiki regulars and other people interested in all things Christorical. Its primary purpose was to allow users to discuss and speculate about Chris, without needing to do so in the [[CWCki:NAF|CWCki talk pages]]. It received hundreds of thousands of posts on hundreds of different discussion topics about Chris over the years, and had thousands of posters, which can cause one to pause and either marvel at the enduring fascination of Chris as a subject matter, wonder who the ''actual'' autists were, or both.

Previously existing as a stand-alone board in various iterations, in February 2015 it was absorbed into a larger site re-branded as [https://kiwifar.ms ''Kiwi Farms''], which focused on lolcows (people and groups whose eccentric or foolish behavior can be "milked" for amusement and laughs) in general and not just Chris. (The new name came from [[speech impediment|the way several lolcows mispronounced "CWCki Forums"]].)

It is known that Chris was posting on the forum in 2012 under nickname "paintingatree". In his few posts, he generally tried to defend himself under the guise of a remorseful troll. This fact alone, as well as his [[Chris and writing|writing style]] and posting habits (posting rarely, never in the same thread again and never trying to start a conversation with other users) made his presence somewhat a open secret. Surprisingly, Chris registered again under the same nickname in February 2013. He wrote the first post on 23 May, in which he made it clear that it was him. In spite of this, [[Slow-in-the-minds|in other posts he pretended to be someone else.]] As it could be expected, he was trying to defend himself again (mostly from accusations of being [[Homos|homosexual]], since many users, knowing that they're being watched, jokingly concluded that the meaning behind his absurd [[August 2013 Facebook Posts#The_Riddle|Facebook riddle]] is that Chris wants to [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|come out of the closet]]), and was very rude to the users in almost all of his posts. Being in the process of adding old friends from his [[Manchester High|high school]] on FB, he also asked if anybody found [[Tiffany Gowen]].

It's assumed that Chris lurked on the boards regularly, and screenshots of the forum have appeared on his [[Facebook]] account. His exact motivations for doing this are not clear, but it has been speculated that he intended to use the screen caps as proof of a troll conspiracy including [[Michael Snyder]]. Robert Bell, Chris's lawyer, was apparently unpersuaded by Chris's legal acumen and did not enter any screen caps into evidence.

The Kiwi Farms was shut down temporarily by owner Joshua Moon (known as Null on the Farms) on 20 January 2017 after his family was threatened by people who demanded the shutdown of the Farms. On the "This is the End" page, Moon linked to the [[CWCki Club]], a new forum founded in August with the intent of being a spiritual successor to the original CWCki Forums, with the primary focus being Chris. However, he revived the Farms 3 weeks later, after the threats grew to demanding all user data.

__TOC__

==Chris's posts==
Below are the posts Chris wrote under pseudonym paintingatree between 23 May and 6 September 2013. Unfortunately, all of his posts from the old Forumer incarnation from 2012 seem to be lost. Chris's posts are in blue, while posts in threads he was responding to are in red.

===Re: DreamHost and a possible migration===
{{quoteboxred|'''by Marvin » Wed May 22, 2013 1:00 am'''
Uhh, all the cool kids use linode. Also, I'd whatever the whatever you're asking us to whatever, but I'm too drunk to do it properly and/or usefully right now, so, maybe when I'm sober.|Marvin <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/dreamhost-and-a-possible-migration.998/#post-65466]</ref>}}

And then, [[Pokémon|a wild Chris-Chan appears]]:

{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Thu May 23, 2013 7:36 am'''
Why don't you and that damn [[Cwcki]] just go ahead and die off the [[Internet]] already so I can finally find some peace of my life? <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/dreamhost-and-a-possible-migration.998/#post-65470]</ref>}}

===Re: Should Chris Consider Dating A 'Special' Girl?===
{{quoteboxred|'''by Thetan » Sat Jun 08, 2013 10:42 pm'''
Rather than constantly whining about how lonely he is, Chris should consider revising his sweetheart standards. He has set the bar far too high for himself. He couldn't even make things work out with Faeryn or The Wallflower.

Chris could do well with a 'special' girl: potentially someone mildly mentally retarded who enjoys the same childish things he does. They could enjoy each other's company, coloring and watching cartoons together. As long as they don't have unprotected sex, I don't see a problem with this type of relationship.

Such a person may actually find Chris interesting, look up to him, and hang onto his every word. The relationship would not only alleviate his loneliness, but be good for his ego as well.|Thetan <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/should-chris-consider-dating-a-special-girl.1183/]</ref>}}

{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Tue Aug 06, 2013 11:48 pm'''
In response to your question, I ask you a question. Would YOU, in full honesty, full truth, in your right mind, at all, date a [[Tomgirl|"Special Girl"]]? [[Chris and hypocrisy|How would you feel if you woke up the next morning with droning moaning and blather coming from the face next to you?]]<ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/should-chris-consider-dating-a-special-girl.1183/page-6#post-77414]</ref>}}

===Re: Tiffany Gowen===
{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Wed Aug 14, 2013 8:20 pm'''
Hey, whatever happened to [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]]? Didn't she get [[Merried Seinor Comic|married]] or something? Like, dude, where did she go; has anyone found her?<ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/tiffany-gowen.1065/page-2#post-70608]</ref>}}

Most noteworthy response:

{{quoteboxred|'''by applecat » Fri Aug 16, 2013 10:14 am'''
I found her! It was tough because she didn't have a Facebook, but I made sure to send her a link to the CWCki so she would know to stay away from that horrible man. She was very disappointed in him, but she thanked me for the tip-off. That's one more gal-pal safe from Chris!|applecat <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/tiffany-gowen.1065/page-3#post-70624]</ref>}}

===Re: I had a conversation with my wife about Christian.===
{{quoteboxred|'''by The Dude » Sat Aug 17, 2013 9:41 am'''
I've told her a little about Christian back in the day, but haven't told her about any of the recent stuff like Tomgil, running over Snyder, stuff like that.

The conversation went like this:

Me: So let's have a hypothetical.

Mrs. Dude: OK.

Me: Let's say something happens to me and we're no longer together. For sake of argument let's say I died.

Mrs. Dude: Oh no!

Me: So I'm dead and gone, and you're single again. Enough time has passed that you want to get back out and find another man.

Mrs. Dude: OK.

Me: Now here's the rub; the only guy who wants to date you is fat, balding, doesn't bathe, has no job, dresses like a girl, and lives with his mother in a hoarded house. He also shits himself when he's upset.

Mrs. Dude: Ew! EEWWWWW!!!

Me: What do you do?

Mrs. Dude: Tell him to stay away and strongly consider becoming a lesbian.

Me: A wise choice.

Mrs. Dude: There's someone out there that you know about who fits that exact description, isn't there?

Me: Remember that guy I told you about on the internet? The guy I showed you the videos of him having a singing battle with my friend?

Mrs. Dude: The autistic kid with the fucked up Sonic thing?

Me: Yup.

Mrs. Dude: He SHITS himself?

Me: Yup.

Mrs. Dude: Oh my...why? That's just grody! EW! EEWWWW!!

Me: I know.

Do you ever have conversations with anyone about Chris? How have they gone?|The Dude <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/i-had-a-conversation-with-my-wife-about-christian.1721/]</ref>}}

{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Sat Aug 17, 2013 2:56 pm'''
You, sir, are NOT married; you are making as much fabrication up as Chris would. Your post is a fraud; you will never change my mind; You Are Pathetic. Ha. Ha. Ha. <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/i-had-a-conversation-with-my-wife-about-christian.1721/page-2#post-107433]</ref>}}

===Seriously? No one wants to finish [[August 2013 Facebook Posts#The_Riddle|Chris' Puzzle]]?===
{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:08 pm'''
You all aren't even going to figure the Links between the photos? I mean, I don't think they have the same common thread, but one still links to the other. The lemon cake is a favorite food of businesswomen, and Cuban is a businessman. A bakery in Delaware highly recommends lemon and almond cookies. Delaware Bue Hens; hens on a farm with tornados. It's not totally rocket science. <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/seriously-no-one-wants-to-finish-chris-puzzle.1725/]</ref>}}

===Re: Chris likes [[Manchester_High_School#Go_Lancers.21|the lancers]] on facebook.===
{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Mon Aug 19, 2013 3:10 pm'''
Oh, for God's Sake!!! [[Chris and sex|Did Chris not make it clear enough time and again that he is in Absolute Fact Fucking Straight?! He gets a hard on with a Woman! He gets Pukey Sick when seeing topless males! He freaking wears a bra to cover his own shame! He gets a hard on with WOMEN!!! Stop Mislabeling the Straight Man Already!!!]]

BTW: Cuban was born in Pittsburg; Pirates roam the seas with the Mayflower; there is a photo of Chris wearing a Pittsburg Pirates Cap. Also, when you want to call him Stupid, do not mislabel him there either!

[[Chris and hypocrisy|You all are pathetic, stupid, no ounce is common sense or intelligence at all!]] I do not know why I keep following you all at all!

Break Up the whole Group here already!!! <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/chris-likes-the-lancers-on-facebook.1713/page-9#post-106963]</ref>}}

===Christian Weston Chandler is STRAIGHT!!!!===
{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Sat Aug 24, 2013 1:59 pm'''
You God Damn Pinheads!!!! I have already told you; Chris has told you!!!! The Riddle's answer was the FUCKING PITTSBURG PIRATES!!!! CHRISTIAN IS NOT A GOD DAMNED HOMO!!!! CHRISTIAN IS STRAIGHT!!!! He gets hard over women!! He vomits at males!!

GET IT THROUGH YOUR GOD DAMNED, DEMENTED, THICK SKULLS, YOU GOD DAMNED PINHEADS!!!!

I should know very well, because I Am Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, VA, himself!!!!

You god damned [[JERKS|males]] make me vomit, sick and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit]]!! <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/christian-weston-chandler-is-straight.1760/]</ref>}}

===September 2 FB update; New Troll to "Welcome"===

Just after revealing himself in his previous post, Chris acts as if nothing happened. Instead of [[Calling Out|encouraging his trolls to harass his perceived enemies]] directly in a quoted FB post, he does it by pretending to be one of them... and fails.

{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Mon Sep 2, 2013 9:22 am'''
He has posted Publically ''[sic]'', and I quote:

I have just been intercepted by a Manajerk and an Offline Troll/Bully. Her name is [REDACTED]; works within the Mal-Wart region. Every Troll/Cyber-Bully should contact her at her email address of [REDACTED], and remind her that no one is to mess with an Autistic Person when they are in a depressed, sad, angry or foul mood, especially with the online reputation that was dragged through the worst mud, muck and bodily fluids that said Autistic Person has, and if his hatred of the XBox brand, and the number of Trolls that populate half to three-quarters of that brand, stand in the way of the foul mood, then that is Microsoft's Freaking Problem!

Yes! Let's Bother The Hell Out Of the Manajerk, and Give Her the Worst Day of Her Life!!!<ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/september-2-fb-update-new-troll-to-welcome.1805/]</ref>}}

===Bann has happened again===
Chris again requests for a trolling plan to troll Ms.Manajerk which is according to his [[Facebook#Chris_Expresses His Outrage for Walmart|Facebook post]] on 6 [[September 2013]], ignoring the '''No trolling plans''' rule again.
{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Fri Sep 06, 2013 1:00 pm'''
Ha! I sincerely do not find anything credible about this forum that makes it Not-Trolling. We really should Troll (name redacted) now that she has followed in [[Michael Snyder]]'s steps now. She deserves revenge in Chris' name. <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/bann-has-happened-again.1851/]</ref>}}

===YOU ALL DO NOTHING BUT CONTINUE TO TROLL PEOPLE!!!===
After getting the responses he doesn't desire, Chris then tard rages and shows off his huge [[Chris and his ego|ego]] about how [[Chris and copyright|taking his words and content without permission or consent is trolling and cyber-bullying.]] Again, he pretends as if he is not Chris at all.
{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Fri Sep 06, 2013 9:02 pm'''
IF this was NOT a Trolling Forum, you all would NOT be talking at all about Christian. [[Chris and his ego|The more you talk about him, AND bother him in ANY Communications, AND take his words and content without permission or consent, THE MORE YOU BASTARDS ARE SO TROLLING AND CYBER-BULLYING!!!]]

DESTROY THIS FORUM AND THE DAMN CWCKI NOW!!!<ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/you-all-do-nothing-but-continue-to-troll-people.1855/]</ref>}}

==CWCki Club==
{{main|CWCki Club}}
In August, a new CWC-centric forum called the "CWCki Club" (or "Club CWCki") was formed, with the purpose of being a spiritual successor to the original CWCki Forums, with the primary focus being Chris. The forum wouldn't gain much attention by Christorians until the shutdown of the Kiwi Farms, when many ex-farmers flocked over to the CWCki Club to continue discussing Chris.

==Gallery of screencaps Chris took of the CWCki forum and posted on [[Facebook]]==
<center>
<gallery>
File:Readinposts.PNG|Chris mocks board regular "Lucrid" and assures us the [[JenkinsJinkies]] sodomy story was made up.
File:Koreans.PNG|Chris denigrates Korean cuisine due to a misunderstanding.
File:No_trolling_plans.jpg|"No Trolling Plans"; Who the f*** are they kidding?" - [[Facebook#No_trolling_plans|Chris, over Facebook]]
File:CWCKiForumsPoll.jpg|Right; I'm ugly as hell. <nowiki>|:(</nowiki>
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
* [[CWCki]]
* [[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia]]
* [[Trollin' Train]]
* [[Sonichu Girls]]
* [[GameFAQs]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==

*[https://kiwifarms.net/forums/christian-weston-chandler.18/ CWCki Forums]

{{The Internet}}

[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

[[Category: Websites]]

List of toys

2017-05-04T15:04:20Z

Largo best: merged references

''For those ''other'' kinds of toys, see [[Sex toys]].''

{{taxpayermoney}}
{{Quality}}

[[Image:0822-EP12-5P6-4.jpg|thumb|right|Chris's room is cluttered with toys, or technically [[Fire|was]].]]

[[Chris]] has accumulated a grand number of '''toys''' over the course of his life, most of which are displayed in his [[room]]. He has claimed that he's holding on to them for his [[Reginald Chandler|future]] [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|children]].<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 4]]</ref>, which is a [[lie]], since he has also admitted to be still purchasing and playing with toys well into his "adult" life.<ref>[[Mumble 8#Comics and Toys (1:09:27 - 1:17:43)]]</ref> At one point he revealed that he plays with his toys around 2-3 hours a day.<ref>[[Mailbag 25#In which Chris tells us how many hours he plays with toys a day]]</ref> Many are assumed to have been damaged or destroyed in the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|2014 fire]], but some have survived.

==[[Lego]]==
===Alpha Team===
{| class="wikitable"
|''6776-1'' Ogel Control Center
|$50
|}

===City/Town===
{| class="wikitable"
|''7892'' [[Chris and health|Hospital]]
|$50
|-
|''6337-1'' Fast Track Finish
|$40
|-
|''6517'' Water Jet
|$3
|-
|''7240-1'' Fire Station
|$30
|-
|''60047'' Police Station
|$100
|-
|'''Possible total'''
|'''$223'''
|}

===Exo-Force===
[[Image:Exo-wallpaper-Humans.jpg|thumb|Exo-Force was created to attract basement dwelling [[anime]] freaks to Lego. which made it the perfect theme for Chris.]]
{| class="wikitable"
|''7700'' Stealth Hunter
|$15
|-
|''7701'' Grand Titan
|$15
|-
|''7712-1'' Supernova
|$20
|-
|''7703'' Fire Vulture
|$15
|-
|'''Possible total'''
|'''$65'''
|}

===Make and Create===
{| class="wikitable"
|''4881-1'' Robo Platoon
|$10
|-
|''4097-1'' Mini Robots
|$10
|-
|'''Possible total'''
|'''$20'''
|}

===Ninja===
The Flying Ninja Fortress was a fortress for flying ninjas, not a fortress that flew.
{| class="wikitable"
|''6093'' Flying Ninja Fortress
|$90
|}

===Space===
{| class="wikitable"
|''6949'' Robo-Guardian
|$36
|-
|''6975-1'' Alien Avenger
|$60
|-
|'''Possible total'''
|$96
|}

===[[Clyde's Buddy Matt Getting SUPER-LAID!!!|Spider-Man]]===
{| class="wikitable"
|''4856-1''[[Merried Seinor Comic|Doc Ock's]] [[Chris's room|Hideout]]
|$50
|}

===[[Star Wars]]===
{| class="wikitable"
|''7146'' TIE Fighters (two purchased)
|$40 ''($20 each)''
|-
|''7106-1'' Droid Escape
|$6
|-
|'''Possible total'''
|'''$46'''
|}

===Western===
{| class="wikitable"
|''6755'' [[jerkop|Sheriff's]] Lock-Up
|$25
|}

===LEGO Friends===
{| class="wikitable"
|''41005-1'' Heartlake High (x8)
|$400
|-
|''3185'' Summer Riding Camp
|$100
|-
|''3315'' Olivia's House
|$75
|-
|'''Possible total'''
|'''$575'''
|}

===The LEGO Movie===
{| class="wikitable"
|''70816'' Benny's [[Random-access humor|Spaceship, Spaceship, SPACESHIP!]]
|$100
|}

===Total===
Assuming recommended retail prices (RRP) the total comes to at least:
{| class="wikitable"
|'''Total'''
|$1,340
|}

==Lego Dimensions==
{| class="wikitable"
|Sonic
|$22
|-
|Ghostbusters 2016
|$22
|-
|Adventure Time
|$22
|-
|Mission: Impossible
|$22
|-
|Fantastic Beasts
|$37
|-
|Harry Potter
|$19
|-
|A-Team
|$9
|-
|Uni-Kitty
|$9
|-
|The Lego Batman Movie
|$50
|-
|'''Total'''
|$212
|}

==[[Sonic the Hedgehog]]==

===Plush===

Great Eastern Sonic plush

Great Eastern [[Knuckles]] plush

===Figures===

Jazwares [[Tails]]

ReSaurus Sonic

ReSaurus Knuckles

ReSaurus Tails

ReSaurus Big the [[Cat]]

ReSaurus [[Rose]]

ReSaurus E102 Gamma

Toy Island Sonic Space Fighter

Toy Island [[Dr Eggman]]

Toy Island Sonic

Toy Island [[Shadow]]

==[[Transformers]]==
'''Assuming highest prices.'''

===Transformers: Generation One===
[[Megatron pistol|Megatron]] (seen in "CWC is Angry"). Note: this is the Japanese reissue edition. Probably $75–$125 from an online retailer.
{| class="wikitable"
|[[Megatron pistol|Megatron]]
|$100 (median)
|-
|Ultra Magnus
|$100
|-
|Afterburner
|$15
|}

===Transformers: Generation Two===
{| class="wikitable"
|Optimus Prime
|$30 (at least)
|}
Optimus Prime ($30 at initial retail, probably more if Chris bought it from the secondary market)

===Transformers: Beast Wars===
{| class="wikitable"
|Transmetal Optimus Primal
|$20 ($15 and 20)
|}

===Transformers: Beast Machines===
{| class="wikitable"
|Scavenger
|$10 ($7 and 10)
|}

===Transformers: Armada===
{| class="wikitable"
|Jetfire w/ Comettor
|$30 ($25–30)
|-
|Megatron w/ Leader-1
|$30 ($25–30)
|-
|Optimus Prime w/ Sparkplug
|$50
|-
|Overload w/ Rollout
|$30
|-
|Cyclonus w/ Crumplezone
|$10
|-
|Sideways w/ Rook and Crosswise
|$12 ($10–12)
|-
|Unicron w/ Dead End
|$50
|-
|'''Total'''
|$'''212'''
|}

===Transformers: Energon===
{| class="wikitable"
|Demolishor w/ Blackout
|$12 ($10-12)
|-
|'''Total'''
|$'''12'''
|}

===Transformers: Cybertron===
{| class="wikitable"
|Brushguard
|$8 ''($5-8)''
|-
|Evac
|$30 ''($25-30)''
|-
|Cybertron Defense Hot Shot
|$12 ''($10-$12)''
|-
|Hot Shot
|$12 ''($10-$12)''
|-
|Jetfire
|$25 ''($20-25)''
|-
|Megatron ($40–50)
|$50 ''($40-50)''
|-
|Overhaul
|$8 ''($5-8)''
|-
|Override
|$12 ''($10-$12'')
|-
|Primus
|$50 ''($40-50)''
|-
|Red Alert
|$12 ''($10-$12)''
|-
|Scourge
|$25 ''($20-25)''
|-
|Sideways
|$12 ''($10-$12)''
|-
|Soundwave
|$25 ''($20-25)''
|-
|Thunderclash
|$12 ''($6-8)''
|-
|Undermine
|$8 ''($5-8)''
|-
|Unicron
|$12 ''($10-$12)''
|-
|Vector Prime
|$30 ''($25-30)''
|-
|'''Total'''
|$'''323'''
|}

===''Transformers'' (2007 film)===
{| class="wikitable"
|Optimus Prime
|$50 ''($40-50)''
|}

===''Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen''===

{| class="wikitable"
|[[Slow-in-the-minds|Skids]]
|$12 ''($10-12)''
|-
|[[Chris and race|Mudflap]]
|$12 ''($10-12)''
|-
|'''Total'''
|'''$24'''
|}

===Anniversary Editions===
{| class="wikitable"
|20th Anniversary Optimus Prime
|($30–$75 at retail, depending on when Chris bought it)
|}
===Transformers: Alternators===
{| class="wikitable"
|Optimus Prime (Ford pickup truck
|$25 ''($20-25 at retail)''
|}

===Transformers: Heroes of Cybertron===
{| class="wikitable"
|Bumblebee w/ Spike Witwicky
|$5 ''($3-5)''
|}

===Transformers: Robots In Disguise (2015)===
{| class="wikitable"
|Optimus Prime
|$15
|-
|Strongarm
|$15
|-
|Bumblebee
|$15
|-
|'''Total'''
|$'''45'''
|}

===Transformers: Titans Return===
In addition to the ones below, Chris has also spent $250<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/updated-6-1-2016-chris-spent-100-on-transformers-five-days-after-begging-for-money.21201/</ref>.

{| class="wikitable"
|Galvatron
|$25
|-
|Sentinel Prime ''(destroyed by Chris in [[Eid, Pmurt, Eid‎‎!!!]])''
|$25
|-
|Skullsmasher
|$17
|-
|Brawn
|$5
|-
|Chromedome
|$10 [[Twitter#More wish list demands|from Target on 18/11/2016]]
|-
|Alpha Trion and Astrotrain
|$50 [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Another wish list update|11/2016]]
|-
|'''Total'''
|$'''132'''
|}

Ebay purchases:

{| class="wikitable"
|Optimus Prime
|$62.64
|[http://archive.is/hKvk2 Sep-08-16 04:45:28 PDT]
|-
|Takara Skullcrusher
|$13.00
|[https://archive.is/5rCz6 Sep-17-16 17:13:58 PDT]
|-
|Transformers Combiner Wars Ultra Magnus Optimus Prime Parts
|$24.50
|[http://archive.is/yJOAu Sep-17-16 20:15:46 PDT]
|-
|Takara Hardhead
|$13.00
|[http://archive.is/tJyUp Sep-17-16 20:50:53 PDT]
|-
|Wheelie & Coshooter Action
|$25.90
|[http://archive.is/3NvqH Oct-01-16 18:22:33 PDT]
|-
|Legends Stripes
|$9.78
|[http://archive.is/NDNOy Oct-01-16 18:33:05 PDT]
|-
|Rewind
|$11.99
|[http://archive.is/tdMsF Oct-01-16 18:33:05 PDT]
|-
|'''Total'''
|$160.81
|}

==[[My Little Pony]]==
My Little Pony is popular with little girls worldwide. Sadly, not even the poor ponies are exempt from entering Chris's twisted world. In italics are their new identities.
{| class="wikitable"
|Cutie Keen Bean
|$10'
|-
|Exclusive Lolligiggle (''Educait'')
|$20
|-
|Favorite Friends Rarity the Unicorn Pony Figure (''Johnlamence -Cyber Warrior-'')
|$20
|-
|Cutie Cascade Fairy Dust Pony (''Camo-Flage'', ''Mimmbo Boruto'' and ''Squall Metal Alchemest'')
|$60 ''($20 each, three purchased)''
|-
|Crystal Princess Pretty Patterns Fancy (''Ty Game'')
|$20
|-
|Dress-Up Daywear Wing Wishes with Toola-Roola & Meadowbrook Pony<ref>(He took Toola-Roola's Antennae and put them on Meadowbrook. Toola-Roola's whereabouts are unknown)</ref>
|$50
|-
|Sweetberry Diva Pose (''BottomBeck'')
|$20
|-
|Sweet Breeze Pose (''Honeysumerah'' and ''Modest Manna'')
|$40 ''($20 each, two purchased)''
|-
|Seaspray Pose (''Cheroki-Chan'')
|$20
|-
|Beachberry Pose (''Linnhadey'' and ''Federico'')
|$40 ''($20 each, two purchased)''
|-
|'''Total'''
|'''$300'''
|}

==Nintendo Amiibos==
{| class="wikitable"
|Pit
|$12.99
|[http://archive.is/7phBC Nov-04-16 11:06:28 PDT]
|}

==Skylanders==
{| class="wikitable"
|Skylanders Imaginators
|~$74
|[http://psnprofiles.com/trophies/5430-Skylanders-Imaginators/Sonichu?order=date#content Began playing on 2 November 2016]
|-
|Dark Turbo Charge Donkey Kong Amiibo
|$21.95
|[http://archive.is/IIYKl Nov-04-16 11:10:52 PDT]
|-
|Dark Barrel Blaster Superchargers Donkey Kong Vehicle
|$7.00
|[http://archive.is/Tcda2 Nov-04-16 11:10:52 PDT]
|}

==Pokemon==
2016:

{| class="wikitable"
|Fighting Fury Belt
|$3.48
|[http://archive.is/wupUL Ebay, Oct-30-16 16:35:34 PDT]
|-
|Pokemon card tins (2)
|$40.00
|9-12-16<ref>[[Financhu Crisis#September]]</ref>
|-
|Pokemon Sun and Moon (both, supposedly acquired by trading games)<ref name=zring>[[Z-Ring Fun Extra]]</ref>
|$80.00
|Nov-18-16<ref>[[Twitter#Ticked off about Pokemon Sun]]</ref><ref>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Pokemon Sun and Moon networking]]</ref>
|-
|Pokemon Z-Ring bracelet
|$30.00
|30 December 2016<ref name=zring/>
|-
|Pokemon Sun and Moon iTunes Music Collection
|$10.00
|30 December 2016<ref name=zring/>
|}

==[[Power Rangers]]==
{| class="wikitable"
|Wild Force Predazord
|$50
|}

==Bought in 2017 from eBay==

{| class="wikitable"
|'''Toy'''
|'''Cost'''
|'''Franchise'''
|'''Date'''
|-
|Rarity card sleeves
|$6.59
|My Little Pony
|[http://www.ebay.com/itm/Ultra-Pro-Sleeves-My-Little-Pony-Rarity-65-C60-Card-Game-/131975323527 Ebay, Jan-14-17 17:35:15 PST]
|-
|DJ Pon3 card sleeves
|$6.95
|My Little Pony
|[http://www.ebay.com/itm/Ultra-Pro-MLP-DJ-Pon3-65-Deck-Protector-Card-Sleeves-My-Little-Pony-MYLP-OOP-/222370391662 Ebay, Jan-14-17 17:39:06 PST]
|-
|Splash Energy (2)
|$3.38
|Pokemon
|[http://www.ebay.com/itm/Splash-Energy-113-122-Uncommon-Reverse-Holo-XY-BREAKPoint-Pokemon-Near-Min-/222332918466 Ebay, Feb-04-17 19:31:05 PST]
|-
|Glaceon
|$6.72
|Pokemon
|[http://www.ebay.com/itm/Pokemon-Glaceon-EX-20-124-Holo-Rare-ex-NM-Mint-English-/262813542749 Ebay, Feb-04-17 19:53:13 PST]
|-
|Glaceon
|$6.69
|Pokemon
|[http://www.ebay.com/itm/Pokemon-Glaceon-EX-20-124-Holo-Rare-ex-NM-Mint-English-/172514486883 Ebay, Feb-04-17 19:53:13 PST]
|-
|Green Arrow Limited Edition
|$23
|Lego Dimensions
|Mar-02-17 19:58:13 PST
|-
|Brainstorm Walgreen Exclusive
|$27.25
|Transformers
|Mar-02-17 19:58:13 PST
|-
|Titans Return Titan / Head Master Lione
|$8.99
|Transformers
|Mar-13-17 16:56:57 PDT
|}

==References==
<references/>

{{Lists}}

[[Category:Lists]]

Financhu Crisis

2017-05-04T14:51:31Z

Largo best: merged a bunch of references

[[File:Please, Donate (720p).mp400001.png ‎|thumb|400px|Chris's online activity for much of 2016]]
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Begging Counter}}

{{quote|I do not feel I would be mentally suited for an application-required, long waits to be contacted or not contacted, "am I hired yet", under "The Man", Freaking job!!! Stop Telling me to "Get a Job". Gawd!!!|Chris, April 2017<ref>[[April 2017 Facebook posts#Chris explains why he won't get a job]]</ref>, after his friends on Facebook refused to entertain his nonsense excuses for not having a job.}}

The '''Financhu Crisis''' is a term coined by users from [[CWCki Forums|Kiwi Farms]] to describe the steep decline in the Chandler family's financial management beginning in early [[2016]].

Signs of the Chandlers' worsening finances were made apparent by the increasing amounts of begging videos and donation requests on [[YouTube]] and [[Facebook]].

Given that [[Barb]] is elderly on a [[tugboat|fixed income]], and [[Chris]] is [[stress|''lazy'']] on a fixed income, one could only bleakly speculate what will happen when Chris is eventually left to fend for himself once Barb passes away.

==Background==
[[File:Financhu Wordle.png ‎|thumb|400px|A wordcloud of the videos and Facebook posts Chris made during the Financhu Crisis. Note how big "money" and "donations" are...]]

To this day, the Chandlers' financial woes are caused by their own irresponsible behaviors. Chris, [[Chris and money|learning absolutely nothing over the years]], has squandered any available money on [[Lego|children's toys]], [[PS4|video games]], [[McDonalds|fast food]], and [[sex toys]]. Barb, on the other hand, has simply been ignoring long-term debts and letting them pile up to alarming amounts, armed only with vain hopes that her manbaby would raise money for her bills.

'''Chris''' has made some efforts to generate income for the household over the past few years (bar that of [[Stress|actually finding a job]]), which included opening an [[Etsy|Etsy shop]] in [[2015]]. However, any profits gained would immediately go straight to toy purchases, an irresponsible move that would to turn out to be a recurring problem that keeps the Chandlers in the red. The shop would eventually shut down from Chris lazily not fulfilling Etsy orders, but he would still find some revenue by the occasional [[eBay]] sales of select merch from the [[14 Branchland Court|hoard]]. To further compound the issue, Chris has been instilled with a very real belief that [[fans]] are willing to drop large sums of money into his bank account [[Chris and his ego|for nothing]], an expectation that has since been strengthened by the $1,000 donation by [[DStecks]] in [[September 2015]]. This belief would take on the form of the many begging videos that highlight the saga to this day.

'''Barb''' seems to have outstanding debts that dwarfs Chris' financial handiwork. On [[September 2016]], she faced lawsuits from Discover and Capital One for failing to pay the large amounts of her credit card debt, according to Virginia District Court records. It is worth noting that it takes a lot of ignored [[Trolls|debt collector]] calls over a long period of time to get a simple credit card debt escalated to a lawsuit, suggesting that Barb may have been outright ignoring making any payments to her credit cards. Only time will tell if more creditor companies begin to sue Barb for her neglect. In [[August 2016]], Chris revealed that the household is still under a [[14 Branchland Court#Mortgage|mortgage of $115,000]], introducing a far more worrying debt looming over the horizon.

Both Chris and Barb continue to barely stay afloat with their lives thanks to their own [[tugboat]]s, but their inactive lifestyle and reckless spending will not last forever at this rate.

Despite it all, '''Chris has not once attempted to find a job'''. In April 2017, with the household finances near the breaking point, one of Chris's IRL friends informed him of [https://www.vadars.org/ DARS], a service designed to help people with disabilities enter the workforce. [[Ego|Chris reacted ''with a temper tantrum, posting a multi-paragraph rant on not wanting to work'']].

==Outstanding Debts==
This table summarizes various unpaid debts charged to credit cards and other owed amounts between Chris and Barb. Keep in mind that these are only amounts found by [[CWCki|Christorians]] via Chris' online posts and Virginia District Court public records.

On 30 November 2016, Chris started a [[Patreon]] with a goal of '''$250,000'''; he estimates $200,000 to pay off the mortgage and other debts, plus an extra $50,000 for himself, [[Chris and negotiation|just ''because'']].

{| class="wikitable sortable"
|-
!data-sort-type="date"|Date
!data-sort-type="string"|Item
!data-sort-type="currency" |Amount ($)
|-
|Ongoing
|Credit card debt<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/3-9-chris-tweets-that-hes-a-feminist.28977/page-9#post-2140532</ref>
!style="text-align:right;" |6,000.00
|-
|24 September 2014
|Loan for [[Son-Chu]]
!style="text-align:right;" |9,000.00
|-
|1 March 2016
|PS4 purchase (via Fingerhut.com)
!style="text-align:right;" |540.00
|-
|16 March 2016
|Discover Bank court case
!style="text-align:right;" |4,706.93
|-
|16 April 2016
|Payday loan
!style="text-align:right;" |3,000.00
|-
|Ongoing
|Mortgage (revealed on Facebook)
!style="text-align:right;" |115,000.00
|-
|14 September 2016
|Capital One court case
!style="text-align:right;" |15,906.99
|- class="sortbottom"
!style="background-color:#E9E9E9; text-align:right;", colspan="2"|Total
!style="font-weight:bold;color:#FF0000"|$154,153.92
|}

==Chris's Frivolous Spending==
[[File:Had-to-pay-3fyhaf (credit to Gunslinger).png|thumb|300px|A recurring theme throughout the Crisis.]]

Like any terminally irresponsible adult, Chris likes to keep his [[bedroom]] filled with toys, while [[Chris and money|keeping his wallet empty]]. Below is an list of the known expenses Chris has made during the Financhu Crisis, collected from online postings and eBay purchase history. Some amounts are estimated, but all amounts are debilitating.

During [[2016]], Chris was known to waste over $2,500 on toys.

{| class="wikitable sortable"
|-
!class="unsortable"|Item
!data-sort-type="currency" |Amount ($)
|-
|New PS4 console<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/internet-detective-proves-chris-bought-the-ps4-himself.18249/</ref>.
!style="text-align:right;" |540.00
|-
|About 30 game purchases for the PS4<ref>http://psnprofiles.com/Sonichu&completion=all&order=played&pf=ps4#content</ref>.
!style="text-align:right;" |500.00
|-
|[https://shop.lego.com/en-US/Firehouse-Headquarters-75827 $350 Ghostbusters lego set], bought on eBay<ref name=l>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/chris-spent-over-425-on-ebay-last-month.19451/</ref> for ''higher''.
!style="text-align:right;" |425.88
|-
|Transformers action figures<ref name=tftr>[[List of toys#Transformers: Titans Return]]</ref>.
!style="text-align:right;"|577.00
|-
|[[Naru]], a dakimakura pillow (or ''hug pillow'').
!style="text-align:right;"|90.00
|-
|Skylanders toys<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/List_of_toys#Skylanders</ref><ref>[[Skylanders Imaginators Leader Christine W Chandler: random Review N' Stuff]]</ref>.
!style="text-align:right;"|195.00
|-
|Pokemon merchandise<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/List_of_toys#Pokemon</ref><ref name=ebay>[[List of toys#Bought in 2017 from eBay]]</ref>
!style="text-align:right;"|181.79
|-
|Amiibo (Smash series "Pit")<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/List_of_toys#Nintendo_Amiibos</ref>
!style="text-align:right;"|12.99
|-
|"I'm Done Adulting" T-Shirt<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/screenshot-www-facebook-com-2016-10-03-14-31-36-png.141291/</ref>
!style="text-align:right;"|23.99
|-
|Lego Dimensions (assorted sets)<ref>[[List of toys#Lego Dimensions]]</ref><ref name=ebay/>
!style="text-align:right;"|238.00
|-
|My Little Pony-themed card sleeves<ref name=ebay/>.
!style="text-align:right;"|13.54
|-
|14K yellow gold Cleopatra bar 16" necklace<ref>[[http://archive.is/tPnTI]]</ref>.
!style="text-align:right;"|399.99
|-
|[[Skylanders avatar]] products, for use as [[Stamps|raffle prizes<ref>[[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04142017]]</ref>.
!style="text-align:right;"|750
|-
|- class="sortbottom"
!style="background-color:#E9E9E9; text-align:right;", colspan="1"|Total
!style="font-weight:bold;color:#FF0000"|$3,948.18
|}

==2016 Timeline==

===March===
*1st - Chris buys a PS4, worth $540, from Fingerhut (using a credit card)<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/internet-detective-proves-chris-bought-the-ps4-himself.18249/</ref>.
*16th - Barb is found guilty in a debt case involving Discover Financial Services. The judgement states that she owes $4,706.93<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/barb-sued-by-discover-bank.18379/page-28#post-1324090</ref>.
*19th - Chris spends $425 on a single Lego set<ref name=l/>, available for $75 less on the lego website.<ref>https://shop.lego.com/en-US/Firehouse-Headquarters-75827</ref>

===April===
*12th - [[Please, Donate|Chris begs]]. This video is notable for being the first video devoted to asking for money.
*16th - It's revealed that Chris borrowed $3,000 from a payday loan<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-spent-over-425-on-ebay-last-month.19451/page-13#post-1392146</ref>.
*24th - [[Donation Request|Chris begs]] again, this time without offering crafts in exchange.

===May===
*4th - The donations listing on Chris's Etsy shop is removed, presumably for violating TOS<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/fb-4-29-chris-is-excited-about-ratchet-clank-totes-swag.20150/page-10#post-1434759</ref>.
*9th - Chris spends $60 on his [[waifu|waifu]].
*23rd - The Chandlers pay $616.52 for the first half of 14BC's 2016 [[:File:Property tax 2016 part1.png|property tax]].
*23rd - [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.|Chris begs]] for bananas. He also [[Live Game Stream - Uncharted|announces]] the debut of a Support button on his Youtube channel to replace the Etsy listing.
*25th - Chris begs [[May 2016 Facebook posts#Etsy listing removal|in a Facebook post]] while reminding readers that Etsy removed his donation listing and that he has a Support button on Youtube instead.
*26th - Chris begs [[May 2016 Facebook posts#Uncharted video and donations|on Facebook]], links to his game stream of Uncharted and repeats his statements from the 25th.
*28th - Chris spends nearly $100 on Transformers<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/updated-6-1-2016-chris-spent-100-on-transformers-five-days-after-begging-for-money.21201/</ref>.
*29th - Chris spends another $30 on his waifu<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/updated-6-1-2016-chris-spent-100-on-transformers-five-days-after-begging-for-money.21201/page-8#post-1498444</ref>.
*31st - Chris spends $150 more on Transformers<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/updated-6-1-2016-chris-spent-100-on-transformers-five-days-after-begging-for-money.21201/page-6#post-1496692</ref>.

===June===
*8th - Chris's Etsy shop is closed<ref>[[Etsy#Shop Closure]]</ref>, presumably for failing to send orders.
*11th - [[Cwcville Shopping is on Vacation|Chris begs]] for money in the same video in which he announces that his shop is closed. Starting from this video, Chris adds his begging to the video descriptions.
*14th - Chris begs to have $100 for Barb's asthma medicine, in [[Donations Required, Serious. Please help|two]] [[Donations Requested, Please|videos]] which feature Barb.
*17th - [[Reading "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness" Chapter 1|Chris begs]] to have $200 for an electric bill, while reading a fanfic called "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness".
*19th - [[Reading "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness" Chapter 2|Chris begs]], again saying he wants $200 for an electric bill, and also wanting food money, while reading another chapter of Bluebird.
*19th - Chris wants to become a [[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's|prostitute]], in an attempt to get both money and china.
*26th - Chris begs his half-brother [[Cole Smithey|Cole Smithey]] for financial help, while simultaneously insulting him for "pissing and burning" the money he earns from working as a movie critic on apartment rent<ref>[[June 2016 Facebook posts#O brother, where art thou?]]</ref>.
*29th - [[Announcement 06292016|Chris begs]], saying that even though he got donations, he wants more because "we could still do better," before reading the third chapter of Bluebird.

===July===
*1st - Chris pays his $541 court costs for pepper-spraying a Gamestop employee in 2014<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/7-1-chris-paid-his-court-costs.22142/</ref>.
*8th - [[Rainbows Unicorns and a Bluebird of Happiness Chapter 4|Chris begs]] while reading chapter four of Bluebird.
*9th - [[Announcement 20160709|Chris begs]] in a long rant, saying he is stressed from dealing with finances. He mentions a mortgage among the bills. He wants food money for himself, Barb and their pets.
*10th-11th - [[HELP, PLEASE!!!|Chris begs]] in a series of four videos, wanting $20 or $50. He demeans himself on camera to get people to donate. Finally, he thanks people for sending the "minimum $20" before begging to have money for Barb's teeth.
*13th - [[Donations Further Requested, Please|Barb begs]] to have money for her dental work.
*13th - Chris finally decides to sell some of his toys to raise money. He lists one Pokemon card on eBay for $50.<ref>[[July 2016 Facebook posts#Chris Offers a Pokemon Card for Sale]]</ref>
*14th - Chris lists two more Pokemon cards on eBay, for $100 each.
*15th - Chris begs for food money in a [[July 2016 Facebook posts#"I'm not on drugs!"|Facebook post]], complaining that people aren't willing to donate anymore.
*18th - [[Update 20160718|Chris begs]] for money in the same video in which he reads an anniversary dedication, while expecting to be paid $50 for it.
*18th - One of the $100 Pokemon cards Chris listed on eBay is sold<ref>http://offer.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewBidsLogin&item=282101638696</ref>.
*20th-22nd - Chris produces [[Paid Video Requests|eight videos]] to earn money from his fanbase.
*23rd - Chris returns to begging [[July 2016 Facebook posts#2 Strikes on Youtube|on Facebook]]. He also announces that "this window is for Donations Only. No video requests until further notice," after his Youtube account receives its second strike against it for violating policy on "nudity or sexual content" after [[Paid Video Requests#Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies|a video]] he uploaded on the 22nd got reported. He [[:File:Cwc-crayolasword-stitched.png|also begs]] to a Kiwi Farms user named crayolasword who asks him about the situation.
*24th - Chris announces [[July 2016 Facebook posts#I have grown a labia!|on Facebook]] that he has grown a labia using subliminal frequencies found on Youtube. He also requests donations for gender reassignment.
*26th - Three days after being barred from uploading videos to his CwcvilleGuardian Youtube account, Chris circumvents the ban by [[Paid Video Request Reminder|uploading to another account]], restarting the Paid Video Requests program and accepting offers for $10-$50.
*28th - Chris makes one sale on the video program.

===August===
<center><gallery>
File:Barb capitalone.png|Capital One Bank vs Barb
File:Dogcourtcase2.png|Chris fined - No county dog tag 2
File:Dogcourtcase1.png|Chris fined - No rabies certificate 2
</gallery></center>
*4th - Barb is sued by yet another bank. The hearing will take place on September 14th.
*5th - Chris pays $121 in court costs and fines for failing to acquire proper certifications for his dogs.
*5th - Chris begs for donations in [[August 2016 Facebook posts#House Cleaning|a Facebook post]] and asks for tubes of [[Oestrogel application and Vibrating Bra, How To.|Oestrogel]] to be sent to him.
*9th - Chris relists the Birthday Pikachu card on eBay for $500 and begs people to "Buy It Now and help me and my family."<ref>[[August 2016 Facebook posts#Buy this $3,000 VHS tape]]</ref> He also offers a VHS tape of Aladdin for $3,000.<ref>http://www.ebay.com/itm/282128626463</ref>
*11th - Chris begs [[Cole Smithey|Cole Smithey]] for financial help again, this time by saying, "Hey! Cole!!! Get off of your ass and apologize and make peace with us here, In Person, and Help Us Financially, Please."<ref>[[August 2016 Facebook posts|Get off your ass, Cole!]]</ref>
*14th - A buyer purchases the [[Megatron pistol]] from Chris, netting Chris $50. It's the first Relic of Fail to be sold during the Crisis.
*31st - Chris begs his audience [[August 2016 Facebook posts#Who wants to pay our mortgage?!|on Facebook]] to pay his mortgage of $115,000.

===September===
<center><gallery>
File:Barb vs Capital One Bank result.png|Capital One Bank court ruling.
</gallery></center>
*12th - Chris is spotted and photographed at a [[Card Games#Toys "Я" Us|Toys "Я" Us]] buying two tins of Pokemon Cards, two days before his mother goes to court.
*14th - Greene County's court rules that Barb owes $15,906.99 in unpaid debt to Capital One bank.
*19th - Chris begs in [[September 2016 Facebook posts#Another new cat|a Facebook post]], while showing off his new pet cat. He wants money to cover bills for the second half of the month, one paragraph after stating that he needed "allowance fun" to get a break from [[stress]] in the first half of the month.
*27th - Chris claims in a [[Something Completely Different - A few Transformers Jokes, also anti-Pmurt|video]] that the "fickle finances" are improving for him and Barb, shortly before playing with his newly-bought Transformers toys, showing that he is unaware or does not care about the fact that his mother legally owes over $20,000 as a result of the two lawsuits filed against her in 2016 or that the property tax for their house will be due in two months.

===October===
*18th - Chris resumes begging in a [[I'm sick; we need money donations; no video requests for a while|video]], saying that he is sick and that he is running low on chicken noodle soup and money. Notably, he had spent $160 buying Transformers toys on Ebay in the weeks beforehand<ref name=tftr/>.

===November===
<center><gallery>
File:Receipt for a penny - credit to Philosophy Phil.png|$0.01 donation
</gallery></center>

*9th - Chris, in response to the election, films a [[Eid, Pmurt, Eid|video]] of him destroying a Transformer toy that is meant to represent Donald Trump. The toy was part of the Transformers toy purchase back in September, costing him $25.
*18th - Chris spends $90 on Pokemon<ref>[[Twitter#Ticked off about Pokemon Sun]]</ref><ref>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Pokemon Sun and Moon networking]]</ref> and Transformers<ref>[[Twitter#More wish list demands]]</ref>.
*21st - The Chandlers pay the second half of their 2016 property tax for 14 Branchland Court, costing them $616.52<ref>[[:File:Propertytax2016paid.png]]</ref>.
*21st - Chris [[Help, please|makes another video]] to beg for donations again. He also [[Twitter#Help, please|posts]] to Twitter, saying, "We need more money, please. The Mortgage people are [[Kick the Autistic|kicking us again]]. Please send money to me via PayPal."
*22nd - Chris reacts to a penny donated by a troll<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/yt-11-21-help-please.25958/page-6#post-1893900</ref>, [[Twitter#We need more than a penny|tweeting]], "We need Donations larger than a penny apiece. Please try to give us $10 or a Lot more than that."
*30th - Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Barb pawns jewelry, Chris decides to join Patreon|posts]] that he will join [[Patreon]], after Barb had to pawn a necklace, which she had to sell at a significant loss for $325, to pay debts/bills.
*30th - Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Another wish list update|updates]] his Christmas [[wish list]], to remove the $50 Transformers toy<ref>http://www.bigbadtoystore.com/bbts/product.aspx?product=HAS25156&mode=retail Chris mentioned this shop listing</ref>, named "Alpha Trion and Astrotrain," which he had bought. He does not pawn this, or any of his other toys, to help Barb; instead, he makes [[The Alpha Trion/"Young Warrior" Challenge|a video of himself playing with it]].
*30th - Chris launches his [[Patreon]] account. He states that he wants $200,000 to pay the "home's finances, including the Mortgage and Credit Cards." He also says he wants an extra $50,000 for "[[List of toys|rainy day(s)]]"

===December===
*1st - Chris updates his [[Patreon]] with more gifts, consisting of merchandise from Skylanders [[Chris and his Ego#Fixation on self-image|customized to appear like his in-game avatar]] (which would be produced by that company) and clarifies that he wants $250,000 total, rather than per month, showing that he still has unrealistic views on how much he can scam out of people.
*2nd - Chris uploads [[Alpha Trion/"Young" warrior challenge explained]], in which he plugs his Patreon channel while playing with expensive Transformers toys.
*19th - Barb wants to sell a [[Craigslist#Riding lawn tractor|riding lawn tractor]] for $595.

==2017 Timeline==
===January '17===
*4th - Chris [[January 2017 Facebook Posts#Inability to feel like drawing and writing the stories|whines]] about having "head of household worries," like the bills and debt; however, instead of Adulting and applying for a job, he begs to have $500 a month.
*13th - Over three weeks after the original lawn tractor ad was taken down from [[Craigslist]] due to a ween, Chris finally realized what happened and re-posted it, still asking for $595. In the meantime, he had bought over $100 worth of [[Z-Ring Fun Extra|Pokemon]] and [[Skylanders Imaginators Leader Christine W Chandler: random Review N' Stuff|Skylanders]] toys and had made videos of himself playing with them.

===February '17===
*16th - Chris uploads [[A browsing around an ol' playground]], in which he begs for money before showing footage of himself walking around a playground.
*17th - One day after begging for handouts of $10 per person, Chris plays a newly-purchased video game level for ''Lego Dimensions'', ''The Lego Batman Movie Story Pack'', which had been released on 10 February with a cost between $35-$50<ref>https://psnprofiles.com/trophies/3900-lego-dimensions/Sonichu</ref>.

===March '17===
*1st - Chris offers parts of [[March 2017 Facebook Posts#Selling Bob's stamp collection|Bob's stamp collection]] for sale.
*2nd - Chris spends $50.25 on toys after making $68 (minus the cost of shipping) from selling his father's stamps.<ref name=ebay/>
*3rd - Chris lists his [[EBay#Chris's stamp album|personal stamp album]] for $1,000.
*7th - Chris buys Lego World for the PS4 on its release date<ref>https://psnprofiles.com/trophies/5906-lego-worlds/Sonichu</ref> for $30, erasing the last of the profit he had made from selling stamps, even though he had claimed to need the money for paying bills.
*13th - He spends another $9 on Transformers.<ref name=ebay/>
*19th - Chris [[March 2017 Facebook Posts#Please buy stamps|begs on Facebook]] for people to buy more stamps, saying "[[Lie|My mother and I can Really do with the money]]." At that point, he had made $85 in sales then quickly spent $90 on toys.<ref name=ebay/> <ref>[[List of Chris's video games#PlayStation 4 (PS4)]]</ref>
*19th - White knights spring into action and purchase seven stamps, totaling $41.50. Five were bought by a single person (at $34) and the rest ($7.50) by two others.
*19th - Chris lies about wasting stamp money on toys, claiming in Facebook's comments section that he "did NOT buy any lego sets" and that the money went towards "our debtor payments" instead.

===April '17===
*4th - Barb's [[April 2017 Facebook posts#Whining about the mortgage|bank account is over $800 in the red]] after making two payments to Seterus, Inc, a loan servicing company - likely a result of failing to juggle both a past-due account and the autopay feature.
*5th - Chris [[April 2017 Facebook posts#Chris explains why he won't get a job|throws a tantrum at his Facebook friends]] after they suggest he get a job and begs for sales on his "high priced" stamp covers.
*6th - [[2017 tweets#Begging Cole for money|Chris tweets]] to [[Cole Smithey]], asking for financial help.
*7th - Chris lists the [[Sonic Totem]] on eBay for $1,500. It sold within 4 hours<ref>http://archive.is/yGMuu - The video announcement was uploaded at 4:16 pm and the Totem sold at 8:09 pm (both times Eastern)</ref>. It is also discovered that the value of 14 Branchland Court has decreased by $3,248 in the past 30 days, according to Zillow.com.
*7th - One hour after the Totem sale, Chris buys a $400 necklace for Barb, to replace one she pawned in November 2016.<ref>http://archive.is/tPnTI</ref>. During the next three days, he orders $750 worth of [[Skylanders avatar]] products for his [[Stamps|raffle prizes]]<ref>He mentions ordering in [[By the book, Buy the book plus update]] and confirmed the amount in [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04142017]]</ref>.
*10th - Chris uploads [[By the book, Buy the book plus update]], imploring people to buy his $1,000 stamp album, because he had ''already spent the money from selling the totem.'' He also states he will mail it later in the week.
*14th - Barb begs, claiming she needs money to pay an overdue power bill in [[EMERGENCY HOME UPDATE]], ''while wearing the $400 necklace Chris had bought her a week before''. Six hours later, Chris uploads [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04142017]], a 23-minute video of him playing with expensive toys. He also explains that he had used part of the Totem sale money to service his credit card debt.
*17th - In a sign of desperation, Chris [[April 2017 Facebook posts#Half-price on stamp album|slashes the price on his stamp album]] by half, to $500, and begs people to buy it.
*18th - Chris [[2017 tweets#Begging to Cole again|begs to Cole]] for the second time this month.
*19th - Chris's [[April 2017 Facebook posts#Offering six Sonichu drawings for $2,000|Paypal account is in the red by over $1,450]], because he had failed to ship the Sonic Totem; as a result, the buyer filed a dispute and eBay or Paypal placed a temporary hold on the $1,500, pulling it from Chris's account. He [[eBay#Sonichu drawings from 2014|lists six Sonichu drawings]], from 2014, at $2,000 for the lot. Then, he digs through 10 to 20 bags of wet, moldy clothes, left over from the [[Destruction Of Chris's House]] three years before, and finds The Classic shirt. He [[eBay#The Classic shirt|lists it on eBay]] for $12,000 (or a Buy It Now price of $20,000). Later, he records [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04192017 - The Shirt]] to promote the listing.
*20th - [[April 2017 Facebook posts#Barb borrowed from life insurance|Barb bails herself and Chris out of imminent financial ruin]] by borrowing from their life insurance, repeating [[Open Relationship E-mails#Barb is borrowing from Chris's life insurance|a move she pulled in 2014]]. This time, she uses the cash to fix the $800 deficit on her bank account, pay for Chris to ship the Sonic Totem to its buyer, and buy groceries.
*21st - The [[Sonic Totem]] buyer receives it in the mail and leaves positive feedback, saying, "The item arrived safely." Since the dispute was resolved, the sale money was then released to Chris, putting his Paypal back in the black.
*22nd - The [[eBay#The Classic shirt|auction for the Classic Shirt]] concludes, bid to $25,100.
*27th - Chris [[Live Game Stream - C-Log 04272017|asks people to buy his stamp album for $500]], since his bank account is still $500 in the red. He also mentions that the Classic Shirt buyer had not paid him $25,100 for it yet, and he would give her until the next day to begin paying.

==June==
*5th - Due date for the Chandlers to pay $606.83 for the first half of the 2017 property tax for [[14 Branchland Court]]<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/random-chris-updates.23605/page-145#post-2229131</ref>.

==See also==
*[[Chris and money]] - A more general overview of Chris's finances
*[[Chris and business]] - Chris's attempts to make money outside of begging
*[[DStecks]] - Some argue that his donation inspired Chris's shameless begging

==Sources==
<references/>
[[Category:Sagas]]
[[Category:Things bought with taxpayer money]]

List of Chris's lies

2017-05-04T14:35:17Z

Largo best: /* Chris's lies */

{{Protip|STOP PIPING TO "LIE" AS IT IS EXTREMELY OVER-PIPED. Try piping to something more specific and only pipe to "Lie" when nothing else works. The "Fail" article was deleted as a result of being overpiped, and you certainly don't want this to be deleted as well.}}

{{quote|Your letter has been read fully, and your thoughts have been inputed and accepted for better improvement. Thank you for your time and efforts.|A classic lie from [[Mailbag 52]].}}

{{quote|I do not lie all the time; I lie some of the time.|[[Chris]], lying during the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}

[[Chris]], not being one to accept personal responsibility, will frequently '''lie''' to save face. This trait was likely inherited from his mother [[Barbara Chandler|Barb]], whose dishonesty [[Cole Smithey E-mails|was described]] by [[Cole Smithey]] as "pathological".

In many cases, he will lie in a meager attempt to be "clever" or "outwit" the [[trolls]]. However, Chris is totally incapable of lying in a way that looks remotely convincing, so his lies have the opposite effect (e.g. [[CWC_Update_26_January_2009|going to Redmond]]). In other cases, he will lie to deny accepting personal responsibility for his [[Autism|actions]] (e.g. drawing [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|Rule 34]] of [[Megan Schroeder]]).

The reason why Chris is capable of telling bald-faced lies while still claiming to be [[Honest Content|true and honest]] probably derives from failing to understand the concept of a "white lie": a lie told out of courtesy to avoid trouble and/or offending people. Because telling this kind of lie usually is socially acceptable and won't tarnish one's reputation, Chris, in his usual blindness to social rules, probably learned through his [[autistic|brain]] that it is okay to lie in order to save face, because it is possible to do so while still remaining true and honest.

Complicating this further is the fact that Chris does not attempt to support his claims with any shred of evidence, and will contradict his lies with even more lies. The end result is that Chris is more or less a compulsive liar.

As of recently, Chris has taken to calling his lying "misspeaking". Instead of accepting that someone has called him out on his bullshit, he prefers to say he "misspoke". Needless to say, no one has fallen for this new ploy.

This list serves to document as many of Chris's blatant falsehoods as possible. While Chris is known to speak half-truth, exaggerate, etc., the fact that he is willing to outright tell blatant lies and untruths with no grounds in reality is disturbing and this list serves to document the latter.

==Chris's lies==
* Chris claimed that mowing the lawn was a demanding physical chore for him, despite using a riding lawnmower to do it (though, in Chris's defense, it's entirely possible that mowing a lawn even with the aid of a riding lawnmower could have been genuinely physically demanding for him [[Chris and health|given what we know about his health]]).
* In a [[Mumble]] chat, he lied and said that [[nudes|nude]] photos of him on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] were photoshopped, despite consenting to the photos.<ref>[[Mumble 2|Mumble Chat #2]], ~44 minute mark</ref> Chris also lied to someone he believed to be [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] about the ED images being photoshopped.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Miyamoto Saga#From Chris to Miyamoto]]</ref>
* For two days, Chris claimed to have a new [[sweetheart]] named [[Chloe]] after the [[Blanca]] breakup. The first mention was to his fans, of all people.<ref>[[Chris's Sonichu IRC Chloe Introduction]]</ref> Yet, if he were already seeing Chloe, why was he sad about breaking up with Blanca? Chris claimed to have met Chloe IRL at [[GameStop]], where they struck up a conversation, yet Chris has constantly said he freezes even while practicing talking to women.<ref>[[Vivitheg's AIM chat]]</ref> He even said that they had a date together at Taco Bell and shared his first kiss with her. The most damning evidence is Chris never mentioned Chloe again. Furthermore, as of [[Mailbag 13|Mailbag #13]], he says that he has "no recollection of a Chloe."
* Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009|lied]] about taking a trip to Redmond because he had no financial support and to get a "Peaceful Weekend Getaway from the Trolls of the internet."<ref name="ReferenceA"/>
* Chris claims he jogs regularly for more than 20 seconds, [[Sonichu's Edge|despite proving he is incapable of doing so.]]
* Chris [[Piedmont_Virginia_Community_College#Kicked_Out_of_College|claimed]] that he was kicked out of class because he was autistic, when the [[Jackie_Chat_5|real reason]] was him making a homophobic (and racist) comment in front of everyone. However, it may very well be that Chris considers such behavior to be inherent in austistic individuals (and is therefore excusable/not his responsibility).
* Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|claimed]] that [[Blanca]] received the [[medallion]] and sent it back so Chris could modify it, yet the medallion with the "special marks" was destroyed on YouTube. Furthermore, in a private chat with [[Robert Simmons V]]{{cite}}, Chris admits that the medallion was procured and was hastily working on a new one to throw the trolls off guard.
* When a nefarious IRL [[Jerkop]] confronted Chris on his [[Attraction Sign]], Chris quickly hid the sign while the Jerkop left to get the [[Manajerk]]. Then, Chris proceeded to lie and pretend he never brought the sign, resulting in him being banned from the store.
* Chris claimed that he was banned from [[The GAMe PLACe]] forever for going behind the counter. In fact, as revealed by [[Mimms]] on the PVCC forum, the ban for going behind the counter was temporary, and what got him banned forever was the fact that he got into a shouting match with a child and treated the [[Michael Snyder|store's manager]] rudely. Possibly, Chris was mistaken, as he can be [[Slow-in-the-minds|slow in the mind]] sometimes.
* In an e-mail,<ref>[[Chris E-mails 2008]] - "Against me, [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|that page]] has broken the closest thing I've had to a relationship with Megan Schroeder, who I've finally had at her first time of saying with feeling, 'I Love You' to me, then she found that page and she broke up with me."</ref> Chris claimed Megan said she loved him, when in reality she said no such thing.
* He has made occasional claims<ref>See [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009]] and [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 29th, 2009]].</ref> that he really doesn't hate [[homos]], despite several instances of him showing otherwise.<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate March 10th, 2009]], [[CWC Address to Unilever About AXE]], [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]], [[It's UGH!]], [[CWC "Boyfriend"]], [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls]]</ref>
* In an [[IRC (20 January 2009)|IRC chat]]<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]] at 21:21</ref> with [[Clyde Cash]] and [[BILLY MAYS]], Chris told Clyde, "People who call others homo are themselves in dire question of their own sexual preferences." When Clyde pointed out that Chris had called Clyde a homo just minutes earlier in the same chat, Chris lied that he didn't. When Chris was shown the exact words he typed, he said it didn't count because he was retaliating against Clyde's remark.
* Impersonated [[CChanSonichuCWC]] and called [[Kacey]], telling her about his sexual fantasies (which involves [[recycling]]).<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>
* Chris's challenges to CChanSonichuCWC began with a [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 29th, 2009|video]] in Spanish, stating that if Liquid Chris could not respond in Spanish, that would prove he is the impostor. When that backfired horribly, Chris then issued the [[SingStar Challenge|''SingStar'' Challenge]] to determine who is the real Chris. When Chris lost the ''SingStar'' Challenge, he declared that the contest meant nothing.
* Chris made a fake page<ref>http://web.archive.org/web/20071108233910/http://members.aol.com/CWCSonichu/EPPromotions283.html</ref> mimicking [[PS3|PlayStation]].com that showed him as the winner of the [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|''PaRappa'' contest]].
* Trying to sound like a tough guy, Chris claimed in a [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|15 October 2009]] Captain's Log entry that he "did not give a dang" about the reappearance of [[Liquid Chris]], which is obviously not true since Solid devoted the entire first half of the Captain's Log to discrediting Liquid. Solid also stated that it would be the last time he mentioned Liquid, so of course he mentioned him again in [[Brutal Legend Plus|a video six days later]]. In that video, Solid even used one of [[SingStar_Challenge_Round_1#CChanSonichuCWC.27s_Entry|Liquid's ''SingStar'' Challenge songs]] to mock the [[trolls]] (the song's original purpose being to mock Solid), proving that Liquid does indeed still agitate him.
* In [[Mailbag 14|Mailbag #14]], Chris offered a revisionist account of his ejection from [[Grace Baptist Church]], claiming that he was banned from the congregation because his pastor "found images of women in bikinis on my Facebook; he was offended." In fact, as Chris himself revealed in an e-mail to [[Lordsillynipples]] in 2008, he was kicked out after his pastor discovered the catalog of Chris's sexually deviant behavior on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], as well as the deranged YouTube rant from his [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|25th birthday]].
* In [[Mailbag 25|Mailbag #25]], Chris revealed that he told [[Bob Chandler|his father]] that he had taken the videos of the [[14 Branchland Ct.|Chandler house]] off the Internet. The videos are still available on YouTube.
* Chris began receiving e-mails in [[January 2010]] pointing out to him that his drawings of the Raichu from which Rosechu spawned in [[Sonichu 0|''Sonichu'' #0]] had a pointed tail instead of a blunted one, meaning the Raichu was male. What makes this incident unique is that Chris could have easily resolved the entire conflict. Since Chris is a longtime fan of the series, he could have easily thought "Wait a sec, when did male and female Pokemon start using different sprites again?", done a few quick searches online, and found that all Raichu were drawn with pointed tails prior to 2006. Eventually, after Chris uploaded an edited page and claimed that the tail had been blunt all along, he had this realization...after someone else showed him Bulbapedia.
* In early [[February 2010]], Chris added a note to the [[CWCipedia]] page for [[Simonla Rosechu]] which claimed that she is a completely original character, and not a sloppy knockoff of [[Evan]] George's [[Simonla_Rosechu|Simonchu]]. This was, of course, an obvious lie, contradicted by Chris's own e-mails and other statements about Simonla's creation. Later, in a [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 4|phone conversation]] with Alec Benson Leary, Chris acted surprised that anyone would be unwilling to accept this "retraction" of the truth, suggesting that he doesn't even comprehend why people might not believe his lies.
* On Chris's [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 5|fifth phone call with Alec]], Chris very quickly found his own logic being used against him. To extricate himself from having to admit he was wrong, Chris instead set the phone down and very unconvincingly pretended to be his own [[Barbara Chandler|mother]], carrying on a small "conversation" with Chris asking him to clean up some [[Chandler cats|cat shit]]. Chris then came back to the phone to tell Alec his mom needed him to take care of the cat and that he had to hang up.
* During the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8|eighth conversation with Alec]], Chris claims Nintendo sent him a letter saying Chris had free reign to use Pikachu in his comic, but when Alec asked Chris to upload the letter, Chris said he "misplaced" it. Also, during the call, Chris confidently stated that he "regularly" plays every single one of the games he owns — this being a valid reason he could not sell them for money. Chris owns [[List of Chris's games|roughly 600]] different video games, so unless Chris has figured out [[Time Void|a way to stop time]], it would be impossible for him to play all of those games regularly.
* Chris went to great lengths to tell the fans that he would never show gore and violence in his comics. However, he breaks this statement by killing Evan in a very gory fashion in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]]. He later insists in [[Jackie_Chat_1|his first chat with Jackie]] that it was justified because Alec "gored it up first." Episode #17, which was written long before ''Asperchu'' even began, ended with Rosechu stripping naked, ''clawing a man's head open'', ''electrocuting him'', and ''leaving him in a puddle of his own blood''.
* When the trolls started to demand more comics, Chris stated that he was never sure whether he wanted to make money with ''Sonichu''; if that were true, he would never have tried to make a [[Sonichu Adventure|video game]] about ''[[Sonichu]]'', nor try to sell it to businesspeople.
* Chris has repeatedly referred to [[The Wallflower]] as his "girlfriend", despite making a video [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|pleading for her to be with him]], and, in fact, complaining about her essentially putting him in the [[friend zone]].
* Chris promised to [[03212010 C-Ya Later.MOV|"remove [him]self from the Internet"]], only to [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|return in less than 48 hours]].
* [[Michael_Snyder_is_ColdHearted_and_Mean|While trying to get himself back into The GAMe PLACe]], Chris told Michael Snyder that he's become a better person. This is after all the things he's done since [[2008#April|April 2008]]. He ends this meeting by calling Michael a Jew, despite stating he had nothing against Jews not five minutes earlier.
* Chris's [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia page)|CWCipedia article about The Wallflower]] contains some of the biggest flights of fancy, blatant lies, exaggerations, half-truths, and flat-out delusions seen yet from Chris outside of the [[Father Call]]. Specifically, he claimed that he and The Wallflower had shared a kiss; since this would have been Chris's "real" first kiss (aside from "[[Chloe]]", a lie), it was considered important by obsessive CWCki editors to see if he remembers it later (the Wallflower CWCipedia page article was written on April the 19th). Naturally...[[Jackie e-mails Part 2|leaked e-mails from Jackie]] show that by the 10th of April, ''nine days before making this highly suspicious claim'', Chris had either a.) [[Jackie_e-mails_Part_2#Jackie.27s_Questionaire_1|momentarily forgotten that he had been kissed]] — a monumental occasion in his life; b,) lied on his CWCipedia about being kissed; or c.) lied to Jackie about being kissed. In the end, a lie is still a lie, although it's ''possible'' he's basing his story on a gross exaggeration of the truth (the two sharing a drinking straw is the current troll favorite for this).
* In [[Mailbag 49|Mailbag #49]], when asked about his opinion on a possible repeal of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy that would allow open homosexuals to serve in the U.S. military, Chris said that he thought the policy should only be repealed so that "the [[homos]] can go die in explosions." When called out on this in [[Mailbag 51|several]] [[Mailbag 53|later]] [[Mailbag 54|Mailbags]], Chris forgoes apology to either deny the claim ever took place, or claimed that he had retracted it. Later, he would alter an e-mail in [[Mailbag 51|Mailbag #51]] which contained the quoted remark to make it appear as though Chris was being pro-gay in the original e-mail. Up until the death of the CWCipedia in May 2010, the original, homophobic reply in [[Mailbag 49|Mailbag #49]] remained unchanged and unretracted.
* In the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails|e-mails]] with Clyde Cash and [[Surfshack Tito]] about Chris's PS3, Chris swore that he would not reveal the name of his [[Jackie|new girlfriend]]. He broke this promise in [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|a video]] not two weeks later.
* Also in the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]], Chris said he would not buy another PS3. Not only did he do that and begin earning trophies about two weeks later, he also bought a PS Move controller ([[ECV 00001|seen in this video]]).
* In [[Jackie_E-mails_23|an e-mail exchange with Jackie]], he claims his [[Duck|penis]] is bigger than previously photographed and is no longer bent.
* Chris told [[Vivian Gee]] that he read her book, ''[[A Girl Who Brought Down the World]]'', when, in reality, he gave it to [[Rocky Shoemaker|his pastoral counselor]], and never touched it beyond that.<ref>[[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke]]</ref>
* In the [[Miyamoto emails]], Chris claims he never sexually harassed [[Megan Schroeder]], despite drawing [[ShecameforCWC.JPG]], and Megan repeatedly having told Chris to stop touching her.<ref>[[Megan_Emails,_2005-2006]]</ref><ref>[[Megan_Emails,_Jan-July_2007]]</ref><ref>[[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007]]</ref>
* On the [[Tomboys_and_Tomgirls_of_Virginia]] forum, he said that if homosexuals 'kept it behind closed doors', he wouldn't bother them. Aside from his well-known issues with [[Homos]], his comic states that if he had the power, he'd constantly [[Magi-Chan|be on the lookout for homosexual activity]], and punish them to suit.
* In [[You're Always Pretty]], Chris told his mother he was taking pictures of her, when he was really video taping her.
* When Chris informed his [[mother]] that he [[PS3#Destruction|destroyed his PS3]], he told her that the machine was already malfunctioning before he smashed it to bits. In reality the PS3 was still operational when Chris decided to put it out of use.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 11]]</ref>
* When he held the [[Alex's Lemonade Stand|lemonade stand]], he claimed that his father died of cancer, when in fact, he died of complications from heart failure. However, this could just be Chris assuming [[Bob]] died of cancer because he had it (at least at one point), and not taking time to look into his actual cause of death.
* Chris told [[Jackie]] in an email that he has grown tolerant of the [[HEXBox|Xbox 360]] and respects those who own one, but recently in 2013, Chris went back on his word by defacing a display for the Xbox One at his local [[Mal-Wart|Walmart]], thus proving that his bizarre hatred for the HEX-BOX is still strong.
* Despite Chris' obvious morbid [[Obesity|obesity]], he has always lied about his weight, being evasive and giving numbers that are more consistent with [[Chris and reality|his own delusional self image than reality]]. As early as [[February 2010]], Chris admitted that he had at one point weighed more than 220 pounds. On Facebook on 4 January 2014, he claimed that he [[Obesity#Actual weight|weighed only 202 pounds]], despite his obvious sagging, triple chin visible in his profile picture. Users of the CWCki forums generally speculated that, based on the photographic evidence, he was probably underestimating his own weight by at least 60 pounds (~27 kilograms).
* When Catherine said no to a relationship with Chris, Chris told her that [[Catherine_E-mails#It_IS_Your_Fault.21|he was entitled to a relationship]]. In a [[Catherine_E-mails#Re:_Well.2C_that.27s_nypical|later e-mail]] ''(presumably after being called on his bullshit)'', he claimed he said no such thing. On that note, he also publicly referred to her as his "girlfriend" for months, despite Catie saying to him point-blank that their outings were not dates.
* Chris has stated that he has D-cup breasts. Kiwi Farms users have determined that they are actually A-cups.
* Chris did a promotion where if someone sent him a PS4 for his birthday, they would get a $500 coupon for his custom made Sonichu Amiibos. Obviously nobody sent him a PS4, but that didn't stop him from saying someone did. He claims someone named Kagney Lynn bought him the PS4, but closer examination of his Facebook page shows that the details of the order are linked to Fingerhut, the company he bought the PS4 from. This proves he bought the system himself.
* In [[Cwcville Shopping is on Vacation]], Chris lied about his Etsy shop being on vacation, when it had been forcibly closed by Etsy staff, due to repeated complaints that he was not delivering orders. He also lied about working to set up a Zazzle shop; he decided to [[beg]] for handouts over the next several months instead.
* Chris lied about seeing a doctor about the [[Un-clit 2.0]] and later about the picture being an elaborate troll.
* Chris continually lied about his "creative groove" being "killed" because [[Lulu]] banned him. In reality, he had stopped work on the comic long before that happened, and he had even solved the publisher problem within a month, by sneaking back onto Lulu under an alternate name.
* Chris repeatedly lied about his reason for selling [[EBay|his father's stamp collection]], claiming he needed money for bills but immediately spending it all on toys<ref>[[Financhu Crisis#March_.2717]]</ref>.

{{Lists}}

==Sources==
<references />

[[Category:Lists]]

User:Largo best

2017-04-26T15:47:52Z

Largo best: Created page with "i edit things occasionally, usually nothing major i also browse the farms but i dont ever post there"

i edit things occasionally, usually nothing major

i also browse the farms but i dont ever post there

Lars Is Jivin'.MP4

2017-04-21T18:16:33Z

Largo best:

[[File:Jivin.jpg‎|thumb|[[Lars]] is [[Asperchu/Background#Jivin_Pickles|Jivin]].]]

'''Lars Is Jivin'.MP4''' is an [[Chris and race|extremely racist]] video [[Chris]] uploaded on 30 [[September 2010]], after [[Jackie Chat 3|a discussion]] with [[Jackie]] earlier in the day. In it, he addresses Lars again, comparing a toy boat he sent Jackie to a tape dispenser. Chris then decides the best way to get his point across is to throw the tape at his [[PSEye|camera]]. He removed the video just a few hours after uploading it. He later uploaded a new, longer version on 2 October. The extended edition includes Chris using stereotypical black words such as "yo," "mofo," holding up a picture of a black rapper and then dressing him as a turkey and throwing up gang signs.

Judging by the unusual video format (Chris normally makes videos in .MOV format), and the [[Chris and cinematography|blindingly obvious jump-cuts]], it would appear Chris has actually taken some time to edit this video. Unfortunately, it's safe to say that this was to hide the fact he failed to hit the camera with the tape on the first take.

==Description==
{{quotebox|[[Random-access humor|Nothin' but a jivin' turkey gourd.]]}}

==Video==
{{Infobox/video
| name = Lars Is Jivin'
| video = {{#ev:youtube|ApWRB4iLKMM}}
| stardate = 30 [[September 2010]]
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| previous = [[New Address]]
| next = [[100 2261.MOV]]
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
}}

=== Transcript ===
[''[[Creepy stare|stare]]s [[Chris and anger|angrily]] at camera, cocks head; jump cut''] Oh yeah, one more thing, Laaaaahz. You know--s--you sent her the [[Adult Swim#King of the Hill|dangin' ol']]...BOAT, made out of popsicle sticks...and a weak [[Raincoat|condom]] wrapper for a sail. You know what she did with that? [''brandishes tape. It appears to be [[wikipedia:Scotch Tape|Scotch]] or a generic store brand''] This your bo--

[''jump cut to Chris throwing the tape at the PSEye; he then turns the felled camera towards him''] She threw that piece of shit away! That little piece is cheap as shit. It was so cheap, it was as cheap as that tape dispenser! [''stares off into space for a moment, bewildered.'']

[''Another jump cut and moment of awkward silence''] I'm out, peace!

{{clear}}

==Full version==
Having taken down the original video a few hours after uploading it, Chris uploaded a longer version of the video on 2 [[October 2010]]. While the final part of the video is almost identical to the original short version, Chris has slightly re-edited it.

{{Infobox/video
| name = Lars Is Jivin'
| video = {{#ev:youtube|-ZGS728lgMM}}
| stardate = 2 [[October 2010]]
| subject = {{Trollsicon|text}}, {{Violence|text}}
| style = {{Crazy|text}}, {{Smug|text}}
| shirt = {{GreenWhiteStripe|text}}
| previous = [[I like Mary Poppins]]
| next = [[100 2265]]
| saga = {{Jackie|text}}
}}

{{quote|You even bought ridiculous paint and accessory kits for boats you didn't even own! You paid for [[PSN|a whole bunch of useless stuff]] you're never going to use anyway, you jivin' turkey!}}

=== Transcript ===
''[ There is a 'sproing' noise as Chris activates the camera. He frowns and begins talking in what he doubtless believes to be a manly baritone.]''

Yo Lars, listen up yo. I got a b- I got a bigger message to tell ya! Imyaghda- I been tellin' you before, I been kinda civil, but I gotta yell it out to ya. [[jackie|JACKIE]] IS OVER YOU! You jivin' turkey! Now I tell you somethin', I tell you something' else, yo. She left you because of all the goddamn boats! ''[producing a sheet of paper] ''Now I'll read to you what she told me, and I quote: "You wasted all your money on all them stupid boats!" And you le- and she left you! Because you would ''never''... treat her right or take her out anywhere because of it. ''[Gangsta hand gesture]''

And she got fed up with all the goddamn boats all over the goddamn apartment! ''[garbling somewhat]'' Half of them not even taken out of their package! Because- because you just [[List of Chris's video games|bought them for the sake of buying them]]! ''[he puts down the paper and looks outraged]'' I mean, you mofo! You took -you even bought ridiculous paint and accessory kits for boats ''you didn't even own!'' [[chris and hypocrisy|You paid for a whole bunch of useless stuff you're never going to use anyway]], you jivin' turkey!

Yeah, right I call you a jivin' turkey, mofo! ''[he produces another piece of paper. This one is folded in half and has a picture of a black rapper on it, although the lighting makes it impossible to distinguish whom]'' And that's what you is, yo, a jivin' turkey! ''[folds over the paper, revealing that he has drawn a roast turkey - which in point of fact, looks far more like a chicken - on the other side. A hole has been cut for the rapper's face, making it look like he is a squash.]'' Jivin', squashed, stupid old turkey! ''[he tears the paper asunder, and vacuums the shreds up, fumbling them somewhat.]''

Down the jivin' yo'self, mofo! ''[Flashes both middle fingers before turning them upside down]'' I tell you somethin' else. You ain't never gonna get her back. She's been LONG over you, [[Chris and race|boy]]! All day long, all week long. She and I are going to be ... '' ['tapping' an imaginary Jackie]'' I be tapping that sweet ass of hers. ''[Continuing to mime]'' I spank her ass because she wants it. She asked me for it! And you know what, she ain't- you ain't gonna get that request no mo', mofo! Jivin' turkey! You ever come near us, I'll ''beat'' yo' ass! ''[as he squeaks 'beat' he punches his hand]'' Beat yo' ass to the whole- the other side of the state of ''[punches his hand a few times, in a likely reference to a Three Stooges skit]'' Texas, where my dad went to, except for a while. [''continues up to transcript above'']

==See also==
*[[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|Lars' Ship has Sunk]]
*[[New Address]]
*[[Niggos]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[New Address]]|nextlink=[[100 2261.MOV]]}}
{{Sweetheart Videos}}

[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, September 2010| 2010-09-30]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, October 2010| 2010-10-02 b]]
[[Category:Jackie Saga videos| 2010-09-30]]
[[Category:Videos with Camera Abuse]]

A Week With Christian Chandler

2017-04-21T18:14:14Z

Largo best: /* Page 13 */

{{Articleofthenow}}
"'''A Week With Christian W. Chandler (A Self-Documentary)'''", more commonly known as "'''A Week With Christian Chandler'''", was a school report that [[Chris]] wrote to document one week in his [[high school]] life. The week documented was 29 April [[2000]] through 5 May 2000, when Chris was 18 (although Chris gave the report a [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] date of 24 April 2000). Many events were covered during these seven short days, but the most significant among them must be the creation of the cover for ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'', on which [[Sonichu]] made his first-ever appearance.

The information contained within Chris's report provides valuable insight into his early years, chronicling the development of some of his current hobbies and habits. As just one example, he openly admits to [[Honor Roll|falling asleep during his classes]] on a regular basis, foreshadowing his future inactivity and overall laziness post-college. Chris seems to have been enrolled in basic behavioral-adjustment classes, including a "coping class/study hall", but he evidently spent all of his time in these classes reading young adult books by [[Wikipedia:R.L. Stine|R.L. Stine]] instead of paying attention. Also, Chris refers to some of the other students on his school bus as "[[slow-in-the-minds]]".

This account of his high school days is nowhere near as idyllic as he would later portray them to be, suggesting that he has romanticised them.

==Reproduction of The Official and Original Text==

===Cover===

[[Image:406-WeekWithCWC.jpg|thumb]]

'''A Week With Christian Chandler'''

[Photo: Chris, dressed as Ash Ketchum, poses with the now-deceased [[Patti Chandler]]. [[Chris and cinematography|Out of focus and the print is overexposed]].]

[Drawing: A crude portrait of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] faces left.]

{{-}}

===Page 1===

[[Image:407-CWCWeekP1.jpg|thumb]]

<poem>
''A Week With Christian Chandler''
''(A Self-Documentry)''

''© 4/24/2000''
''April 24, 2000''

[Drawing: A crude portrait of Sonic the Hedgehog with [[Michael Snyder|jew]] [[Kevin the Jew|nose]] faces left]

''Chandler's Publishing Co.''

''Now:''
''6008 Partingdale Cr.''
''[[Richmond]], VA 23224''
''(804)-674-9474''

''As of 6/20/2000:''
''[[14 Branchland Court|46 Branchland Ct.]]''
''[[Ruckersville]], VA 22468''
''(804)-990-0198''
</poem>

{{-}}

===Page 2===

[[Image:408-CWCWeekP2.jpg|thumb|left]]

Saturday, 4/29/2000:

On our 1st day of following Christian, we followed him as he was getting ready to go to the [[Card games|Pokémon Trading Card Game]] League at [[Books-A-Million]]. All ready to go, Christian and his mother leave for the League. On the way, they stop at B.P. gas station, so Christian could fill his sports bottle with some refreshing [[obesity|soda pop]]. After Christian enters Books-A-Million for the League, he sees someone with a rare, holographic "Team Rocket" Dark Raichu card. So he offers all his tradable holo rare cards and non-holo rare cards, but the boy did not want to trade his Dark Raichu card. After signing in with Marc, the Gym Leader, he trades a few cards, then he plays many card games. Much later, because of the release of the Team Rocket cards, now available in stores, a party was held with games and prizes. We watched as League members played a Musical Poke Ball game. A costume contest was also held; 5 people came dressed as Team Rocket members. But Christian was wearing his Ash get-up, like he usually wears every Saturday; it was originally a Halloween costume, [[Chris and fashion|but he thought of it as also a formal item to wear for the League]]. So, he entered and won 1st prize, a cool T-shirt. After receiving the T-shirt, he left for home so he could go to Ruckersville before it became dark.

{{-}}

===Page 3===

[[Image:409-CWCWeekP3.jpg|thumb]]

[Photo: Chris, seated on his bed, holds up a number of Pokémon trading cards. Chris is shot against the light. The print is underexposed.]

- Christian is getting ready to go to the Pokemon TCG League at Books-a-Million.

[Photo: Chris [[Creepy stare|stares down]] a [[Pedofork|younger opponent]], about to put his last card into play.]

- Christian is playing a round of Pokemon with a fellow Trainer.

[Photo: Several young League members are playing a variation of Musical Chairs.]

- The League members are playing a round of Musical Poke Balls.

{{-}}

===Page 4===

[[Image:410-CWCWeekP4.jpg|thumb|left]]

Sunday, 4/30/2000:

On the 2nd day, Christian woke in his [[14 Branchland Court|country home]] in Ruckersville. He helped his [[Barbara|mother]] by moving [[11042009 51 50|heavy and light boxes]], furniture and stuff from the van to the house, and house to workshop. Afterwards, they loaded the van, got ready to leave and left for Richmond. On the way, they stopped at [[Country Cooking]] restaurant in Orange County for lunch. Later, they returned to Richmond, and re-unloaded their van. But, even though they worked hard today, putting and taking, there is still a lot to move back to Ruckersville.

{{-}}

===Page 5===

[[Image:411-CWCWeekP5.jpg|thumb]]

[Photo: Chris's bedroom appears cluttered, yet cleaner than it's been of late. Insufficient contrast and out of focus.]

- This is Christian's Country Room.

[Photo: [[Barbara Chandler]], looking remarkably slim, is carrying a box. Insufficient contrast and shot against the light.]

- His mother is bringing in the last box from the van into the living room.

[Photo: Chris's soon-to-be-former living room is completely littered with junk. ]

- This is more stuff in the City living room to bring back to Ruckersville later.

{{-}}

===Page 6===

[[Image:412-CWCWeekP6.jpg|thumb|left]]

Monday, 5/1/2000

On the 3rd day, Christian spent an "ODD Day" at [[Manchester High School]]. The 1st class he went to was his [[English]] class with Mr. Goss. During class, Mr. Goss discussed the [[Chris and reality|difference between Shakesphere's world and the real world of today]]. Christian rested his eyes after Mr. Goss's discussion, and before the bell rang. Next, he had Trigonometry...I'd hate to be Christian when [[DIRTY CRAPPED BRIEFS|his nerves kicked into action]] after waking up from a "notey" snooze cruise, but I was. Next was [[CADD|Computer Graphics]]...it was great for him today, because he got to print his own [[Christian's Favorite Hits!|CD cover]]. Next was [[Spanish]] 2...he took a quiz today, but I think he feels confident in his work. And finally, after a [[Stress|hard]] "odd" day, he rides home on a bus, but unfortunately, it had a few "[[slow-in-the-minds]]" on it.

{{-}}

===Page 7===

[[Image:413-CWCWeekP7.jpg|thumb]]

[Photo: Two teachers are sitting in a classroom, having a chat. Chemical smudge and fingerprint in print, likely a result of putting a dirty photographic paper on enlarger.]

- Mr. Goss is chatting with his fellow teacher friend.

[Photo: The cover of ''[[Christian's Favorite Hits!]]'' has just been printed.]

- This is Christian's CD cover after print, in the process of cutting.

[Photo: Three Chesterfield County school buses await their students.]

- These busses are full of nutty "[[Christian Weston Chandler|slow-in-the-minds]]."

{{-}}

===Page 8===

[[Image:414-CWCWeekP8.jpg|thumb|left]]

Tuesday, May 2, 2000:

On the 4th day, we follow Christian on an easier school day, an "Even Day." 1st, he went to English class...he cruised on a "Zzzz," while starting to read a "Dollhouse" story. 2nd was Photography class, but with the [[jerks|immature boys]], and getting up to develop photos, he never falls asleep in that class. 4th was Contemporary Living. Today, Mrs. Tortorella talked about eggs and microwaves, and from the eggs, I'm hungry. Which brings up lunch; on an odd day, Christian eats alone, but on even days, he is with friends: [[Tiffany]], [[Sarah Anne Bevel|Sarah]], and Brian. Brian was not there today; he went on a field trip to D.C. 6th was Coping/Study Hall. During the free time in this class, Christian likes to get into a good book. And at 1:30, our hero leaves for home on...that bus.

{{-}}

===Page 9===

[[Image:415-CWCWeekP9.jpg|thumb]]

[Photo: Chris discusses a class assignment with one of his teachers.]

- Mr. Bayuk and Christian are looking over a test strip for proper time length check.

[Photo: Chris is eating lunch with two of his best gal-pals.]

- Christian is eating lunch with Tiffany and Sarah.

[Photo: Chris has his nose in the spine of R.L. Stine's [http://www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/s/r-l-stine/in-too-deep.htm ''In Too Deep''].]

- Christian is reading an [[R.L.Stine|R.L. Stine]] novel during Coping class.

{{-}}

===Page 10===

[[Image:416-CWCWeekP10.jpg|thumb|left]]

Wednesday, May 3, 2000:

On the 5th day, we decided to take a break from lugging the tripod around at Christian's school. But instead, we will observe the daily activities the he does at home. He likes to play his video games (i.e. [[Pokémon|Pokemon]] [sic], [[Sonic the Hedgehog]], etc....). He also likes to go onto the [[internet]] to browse for new Poke News articles and to check the status of visitors (or he updates) his website, [[CWC's PokeSite 2!]] He also likes to go swimming at the [[Homos|YMCA]] pool; he needs to cool off after a hard day anyway. He also likes to sort and look through his book of Pokemon "Trading Card Game" cards and his decks. And he also likes to express himself in his art. Then later, he brushes his teeth, takes a shower, say [sic] "good night" to his parents, watch a little [[TV]], then he goes to bed with music to relax to.

[Photo: Chris is sitting in his bedroom, playing Pokémon. Severely underlit.]

- Christian is playing Pokemon [sic] Stadium for [[Nintendo|Nintendo 64]].

{{-}}

===Page 11===

[[Image:417-CWCWeekP11.jpg|thumb]]

[Photo: Chris is sitting on his bed, looking over his Pokémon cards. Shot against light.]

- Christian is checking on his cards in his book and decks.

[Photo: [[The Wall of Originals]], only 1/4 complete, is already huge.]

- This is Christian's "Wall of Original Pokemon Cards."

[Photo: Chris's cluttered room features an early version of [[CWCville]]. Underlit, probably slightly out of focus.]

- This is Christian's City Room.

{{-}}

===Page 12===

[[Image:418-CWCWeekP12.jpg|thumb|left]]

Thursday, May 4, 2000:

On the 6th day, we followed Christian, and photographed the achievements of Christian and his friends. 1st, we noticed on the wall of the Cafeteria hallway were posters from [[CADD|Computer Graphics]] classes; one was his, and we photographed it. Next, in Christian's Contemporary Living class, he, Tiffany and Sarah were fixing filled pasta shells, garlic bread and a salad. [[obesity|Christian did not have any salad]]; lettuce or tomatoes (and [[Pickle|a few other vegetables]]) alone makes him feel green in the face. But After the bread and pasta shells were done (Christian and Sarah made the shells together) they all enjoyed a little something Italian. And during Photography class, [[Sex|he mounted a photo of his mother]] (he took and developed it himself) and later colored it.

{{-}}

===Page 13===

[[Image:419-CWCWeekP13.jpg|thumb]]

[Photo: Chris's "busy" Computer Graphics poster reads "Computer Graphics... Make some neat-o stuff!"[[Chris and his Ego|and has "CWC" slapped ''six times'' all over it.]] The right edge of the print is overexposed, though this is barely noticeable.]

- Christian's Computer Graphics poster has a lot of Pinball action.

[Photo: Two of Chris's best gal-pals are eating the salad that they made.]

- Sarah and Tiffany are enjoying their green salad.

[Photo: A photo of Barbara Chandler has been set in a cheap homemade frame. Corner and - in a failure so grand that it's reserved for professionals alone - a band in right side of the print is overexposed. How Chris achieved this, we'll never know.]

- This "Mother of the Year 2000" Award will be presented to Christian's mother on the Mother's Day of 2000.

{{-}}

===Page 14===

[[Image:420-CWCWeekP14.jpg|thumb|left]]

Friday, May 5, 2000:

On the last day of our week-long journey, we followed Christian through one tough Friday. Christian came to school wearing a dress shirt and pants, a tie, and his cap and gown were in the bag. He went to English class, and took a vocabulary quiz. After the quiz, Christian signed the Senior Memory Book of his friend, [[Miranda Joyce Mitchell|Miranda Mitchell]]. During Trigonometry class, he took notes on SSA triangles and the Sine formula. Then in Computer Graphics class, he sketched an idea for a self portrait, and it suited the requirements. But, he'll have to wait till next class, because he needs a couple of his "home files" to start him off. In Spanish 2, he started on a test, but he did not finish it, because he had to go for the Senior Group Photo. Christian had to walk down a [[Reality|mile-long]] hill to the football stadium, and when he got there, he put his stuff down in the entrance, put on his cap and gown, and went to join the group of seniors. After the long wait for the pictures to be taken, being crowded like a sardine surrounded by [[JERKS|immature teenage boys]], and having the hot, hot sun shining down on him and everyone else, he went back to the shady entrance. He got his stuff, and on the way back up the hill, his bus driver drove down to tell him that she called his father and told him about Christian and the photo shoot taking so long. So Christian walked back up the hill, he became tired and sweaty. After he entered the school building, he rested in the open commons for a few minutes. Then he buzzed for his father to pick him up, got ready to go, chilled out, and got picked up by his dad. And that concludes our week-long documentary of...A Week With Christian W. Chandler, the [[autistic]] boy that has made it this far. :)

[Photo: Miranda is seated at a desk. Out of focus.]

- Miranda's first reaction to Christian's nice message.

{{-}}

===Page 15===

[[Image:421-CWCWeekP15.jpg|thumb]]

[Photo: Chris is sipping from a can of Dr. Pepper.]

- Christian is getting started on his lunch.

[Photo: Chris is sitting at a long table, looking exhausted. Somewhat badly lit, as Chris's face is in shadow.]

- Tired and sweaty from the mile-long climb in the hot sun, Christian rests for a few minutes.

[Photo: Chris organizes his many Pokémon cards in his room. Extremely underexposed print, the right corner almost completely underexposed.]''

- Christian is preparing his decks for the Pokemon TCG League tomorrow.

{{-}}

===Page 16===

[[Image:422-CWCWeekP16.jpg|thumb|left]]

<poem>
A Week With Christian W. Chandler (A Self-Documentary).

Christian W. Chandler.
4/24/Y2K
Photo., 2.
</poem>

{{-}}

===Page 17===

[[Image:423-CWCWeekP17.jpg|thumb]]

''Christian's Parents.''

[Photo: [[Bob]] and [[Barbara Chandler]] pose together, nearly managing to look happy. Barbara is wearing a shirt with the logo of First North American National Bank. ''Finally,'' a well-lit and mood-evoking photograph... gloriously enlarged on dusty paper.]

''Robert F. Chandler. Jr.'' 
''Barbara W. Chandler.''

{{Writings}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Week With Christian Chandler}}
[[Category:Non-fiction]]

Eid, Pmurt, Eid

2017-04-21T17:51:16Z

Largo best: /* Transcript */

{{taxpayermoney}}

'''Eid, Pmurt, Eid!!!''' is a video Chris uploaded on 9 November 2016, as his response to news of [[Pmurt]] winning the 2016 US presidential election over [[Barack Obama#White House gag|Hillary Clinton]], his preferred choice. The title spells "Die, Trump, Die" [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|backwards]].

The video itself features Chris yelling anti-Donald Trump slurs while smashing a Transformers toy into the ground repeatedly, reminiscent of his [[September 2013 Facebook Posts#Voodoo-Wise|voodoo-magic]] [[Gal Pal E-mails 4#OkCupid and Impotent Rage|revenge fantasies]] against perceived enemies [[Michael Snyder]], [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[Megan Schroeder]].

This video is one of the few times where Chris's tard rage could get him into some [[Chris and the law|legitimate trouble]], since he made a death threat to the then-'''PRESIDENT-ELECT''' of the United States, [http://uscode.house.gov/view.xhtml?path=/prelim@title18/part1/chapter41&edition=prelim a possible class E felony involving a fine and/or a potential maximum of five years in prison].

Chris enabled YouTube's stabilization on the video, lowering its quality, however, a copy was archived before he could do so. It can be seen [https://my.mixtape.moe/ftelrh.mp4 here]. Unusually, Chris failed to disable YouTube comments on the video.

==Video==
{{Tardrage}}

{{Infobox/video
| name = Eid, Pmurt, Eid!!!
| video = {{#ev:youtube|OEDbxJ2utTw}}
| stardate = 9 [[November 2016]]
| subject = {{Violence|text}}, {{Politics|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}
| shirt = {{The Happy Hag|text}}
| saga = {{Tomgirl|text}}, {{Financhu Crisis|text}}
| previous = [[I'm sick; we need money donations; no video requests for a while]]
| next = [[November 2016 Paid Video Requests#A Paid Request: Beware of Incoming Terrorists|A Paid Request: Beware of Incoming Terrorists]]
}}

'''Description'''
{{quotebox|
via YouTube Capture
}}

Chris cross-posted the video to Facebook, with the following post:

{{quotebox|He can go rot in a pile of dirt and crap. He should Die now, Before he is able to make this country fall Broke, and the Middle Class Poorest.}}

==Transcript==

''[Video begins with a shot of the Sentinel Prime [[Transformer]] toy that Chris used in other videos to represent Trump]''
Well. Mr Trump. Or "[[Pmurt]]", as I like to call you, [[Autism|in backwards spelling]], 'cause you would hurt this country definitely. I have heard you won. Therefore, I hope you... ''[Chris moves the camera around]'' Therefore, now you can feel the '''pain'''. I hope you feel this '''pain''', ''[Chris gets up, showing us a nice view of the horrid condition of that room]'' [[Random Access Humor|'cause you're a mean one]], Mr. Trump. Now go '''[[Death Threats|DIE!!!]]''' ''[Chris kicks the Transformer toy twice]'' {{RageQuote|AND DIE AGAIN!!!}} ''[Chris kicks the Transformer toy again. The camera then points down at his knee, revealing that he was carrying [[Sorbet]] around while doing this. Chris picks up the Transformer toy and drops it into the litter box. Video zooms in]''

{{RageQuote|DIE, TRUMP, DIE!!!}}

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[I'm sick; we need money donations; no video requests for a while]]|nextlink=[[November 2016 Paid Video Requests]]}}
{{Relics of Fail}}
{{PoliticalVideos}}
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, 2016]]
[[Category:Videos Christian uploaded to YouTube]]

Jack Thaddeus Phone Call

2017-03-27T14:50:56Z

Largo best: removed broken link

{{quote|Take your problems head on. Do not fucking dodge them. I just read that from a fortune cookie. Except I added the fucking part because Chinese people don't curse a lot.|Jack Thaddeus, His Holiness the Dalai Lama}}

{{quote|[''[[Stress sigh|sigh]]''] My blood is not made of gravy.|Chris, shattering the basis of every belief that we've ever held about him}}

In [[December 2009]], [[Jack Thaddeus]] called [[Chris]], to discuss the recent events involving Chris's statements about [[Asperger syndrome|Asperger's]], [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] and his [[Sonichu's Edge|Parkay]].

Most of the call, Jack reprimands Chris and tells him he has a problem with making his [[comic]]s, his [[health]] and his [[mailbag]]. Chris remains monosyllabic and uninterested throughout, except to silence Jack with two fairly solid burns. Rather than angering Chris, this call seems to have inflicted a lot of [[stress]] on Chris, which will cause him to take a [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008|Power Nap]].

It's important to note that this is the first time we see Chris actually being able to counter-insult properly. While some may see this as proof that he is, in fact, growing as a person, the laws of probability state that if a person continuously rambles off ridiculously stupid statements, there is a minute possibility that one of them will actually come out as really clever. He then proves this by apologizing.

<center>{{#ev:youtube|NIazg0ea4dY}}</center>

==Transcript==
'''Chris:''' I'm just replying to-
 '''Jack:''' I'm pissed at you! No! Shut up, I'm pissed at you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, is this because I haven't picked up?
 '''Jack:''' No- well, yes! That's actually- you get a point. Okay, you get- you get a gold star, just like you would if you were in a retard class, which you probably were in, because, well, you're Chris. Anyways, um, so, yeah, apparently, you're all butthurt about people calling you- saying that you have Asperger's which is pretty funny considering that, you know, it pisses you off, so-
 '''Chris:''' Whatever.
 '''Jack:''' What-what? What? What?
 '''Chris:''' I'm like, whatever. It's a mislabel.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, oh! No, it's cute. It's cute! You think that- you think that Asperger's- people with Asperger's are trying to take the quote/unquote “limelight” away from people with [[autism]]. What- how- why... why is that- that's like saying, "People with cancer are trying to take the limelight away from people with AIDS," ...although, you'd probably like that considering you hate the [[homos]].
 '''Chris:''' Maybe.
 '''Jack:''' You know a friend of mine has AIDS. He's gay.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I feel bad for him. And he has my sympathy- he has my pity.
 '''Jack:''' But he's gay Chris!
 '''Chris:''' I know. I, uh- I assumed that because you know, you said he had gay- he had AIDS.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, you assume- you assume that everybody that has AIDS is gay. Wow. Wow, Chris. Wow, that's- way to fuckin', you know, fall into the fuckin' pit of stupid. You know, a lot of people have AIDS, not just gay people. Actually, more straight people have AIDS than gay people. But, anyways, I'm pissed at you for multiple reasons. First of all, the comic sucks. Second of all, the video you did sucks. You know, [[Vivian]]'s been yelling at me saying I'm interfering; I'm interfering. I didn't do shit, okay? So, you know. That- that bitch is crazy, so you know. Also, you didn't fuckin' answer my letter that I sent to you.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I haven't found your letter.
 '''Jack:''' I told you!
 '''Chris:''' I checked in the mailbag and I-
 '''Jack:''' Because you went and put it in rejected, you dumb shit!
 '''Chris:''' I did not put it in [[Rejected Mailbag]]- I did not- I did not find anything from Jack Thad- from you.
 '''Jack:''' I- I told you it was in the name "David Crass"! You really think I'm stupid enough to put my name as Jack Thaddeus?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, wait, okay, okay, I just found it. Okay, I just found it.
 '''Jack:''' Now read it out to me. Read it out to me.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. “Dear Chris, why is [[Rosechu]] so useless?”
 '''Jack:''' Now answer it. Why is she so useless?
 '''Chris:''' Well, she is not useless.
 '''Jack:''' [''laughter''] Okay, okay, so, so what did she do in the last, uh, comic? In this- in this comic right here.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] She took down some Punislavs and some [[Jerkops]]... with her lightning blade.
 '''Jack:''' Everybody else was doing that. Her lightning- no, and then she got kidnapped! How is it that she's able to apparently fight these people, and then suddenly get kidnapped.
 '''Chris:''' It just happened. It happened from behind her. She does not have eyes in the back of her head.
 '''Jack:''' It just happened. Oh! She got taken from behind. I see that's- she got taken from... [''trails off''] Also Punislavs? That's kinda- Slavs, you know that Slavs are an ethnic group? That's kinda I'm just saying Chris-
 '''Chris:''' [''interrupting''] Well, would you rather I called it a “slave?”
 '''Jack:''' Yes, that might be nice. That might be nice. What, you think that all black- that "slaves"- that "slave" has suddenly become a bad word? It makes more sense, Chris. If they're fuckin'- God dammit. You know what? You know what? You know what, you should be talking to Vivian about this shit, because I'm just saying. I mean- but, anyways. Why is Rosechu not a useless piece of shit? And also, why is your plot so fucking convoluted and unnecessarily complicated? You make characters, and then you retcon them into the fucking story, and then they disappear. They play no role.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] They did play a role; they helped in defending the city of [[CWCville]].
 '''Jack:''' That's not a fucking- okay, okay, you seem to have a problem with storytelling. CWCville- the defense of CWCville doesn't mean shit if there's no story, and you need certain main characters. A bunch of fucking secondary characters doesn't do shit.
 '''Chris:''' Well, [[Sonichu]] is a main- Sonichu and Rosechu are the main characters.
 '''Jack:''' Then why do you have so many fucking other characters? The only character I like is [[Punchy]] Sonichu, and that's because he reminds me of Clyde. [''long pause''] What?
 '''Chris:''' Nothing. Nothing. Anyway... Mmm.
 '''Jack:''' People told you that that picture of that Guido wasn't Clyde, but you didn't listen. Remember back then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, you're- that was just one of- that was- that was actually... fucking comedy gold, man. I- I- I am actually not- I actually- I'm proud of you for not listenin' to, ya know, advice of other people, and, you know, just- just being the ''dumb shit'' that you are and just making that video of you, having a picture of that Guido from the Jersey shore. Ahaha. Ohh... You're a funny guy, Chris. But, okay, I'll- I'll...
 [''Chris makes a noise to make sure that we still know he has a pulse'']
 '''Jack:''' You can, you know- I'm- we're gonna have- we're not- I'm not hanging up. We're having our talk right now, Chris, so don't- don't fuckin' try and rush me, okay?
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack:''' 'Cuz I- I can hear you, you know, fucking... shifting around and going [''at this point, Jack makes raptor noises''], like you're fucking... getting tortured, okay? So don't get antsy with me.
 '''Chris:''' I'm not doing- I'm not making any noises.
 '''Jack:''' I- I- no, I- I hear you. I hear you, Chris... you know.
 '''Chris:''' You're listening to the radio in the background.
 '''Jack:''' Why- who the fuck still listens to radio?! I mean, I- I li- I listen to NPR, but, you know, otherwise, who the fuck cares?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well- well, that's John Tesh.
 '''Jack:''' Who the fuck is John Tesh?! Sounds like a fag!
 [''after a pause, they simultaneously say "Anyways...", and, afterward, Chris quietly sighs'']
 '''Jack:''' Oh, you fucker! Anyways- God!- parkour: eh, you seem to really not understand parkour.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack:''' You really... don't understand- seem to understand- [''sigh''] you know what? Yeah, you- I don't... hmm... Why don't ''you'' explain stuff to me, Chris? I- I'd like to- I'd like to know what you... think would be passing as, uhh, you know... you know... parkour?
 '''Chris:''' I did not understand the question.
 '''Jack:''' [''quietly to himself''] That was actually pretty funny. Umm... what is parkour?
 '''Chris:''' Par-core: to my interpretation... it is a style of running. Running from one point to another... yes, with jumps... and along the walls, and other things.
 '''Jack:''' Mmm... that's- you interpreted it wrong. It's- well... yeah, you got it then; you got it when you add the... jumping on the walls and shit. It's- but, then again... what you said you were doing was "Parkay", which- Parkay a brand of butter, so, you know, [''Chris begins to interrupt''] seeing that you're a fat load of-
 '''Chris:''' Well... okay, well- ok- well-
 '''Jack:''' '''Hey!''' Do not fucking do that!
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I forgot- I... had trouble remembering what the word was.
 '''Jack:''' You know- you know- Chris, settle down. It's not ''nice'' to interrupt ''people''.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack:''' Your parents really failed... at teaching you manners.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... well... please continue.
 '''Jack:''' ''Yous'' called it Parkay. Now that's hilarious, because... Parkay is a brand of butter, and you're like butter in that you're a fat piece of shit.
 [''Chris gives one of his infamous sighs, which Jack then mocks'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I forg- I-
 '''Jack:''' You really- do you really think- do you really think you're healthy? Do you ''really'' think- do ''you'' think you're healthy?
 '''Chris:''' I could be healthier.
 '''Jack:''' You could be healthier? Okay, yeah... you could be healthier if your fuckin' blood wasn't made of gra''vy''.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] My blood is not made of gravy.
 '''Jack:''' It's not? It's not. Then why... why do you... have to take four fucking breaks in... the video, just running for ten minutes? I can run for ten minutes without taking a break, and I can then go up a flight of stairs, after running ten minutes without a break, and make it to the top... you know, faster than you did.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, then.
 '''Jack:''' Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty fucking awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack:''' You gonna admit that I'm awesome?
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I did not understand that question.
 '''Jack:''' Oh, I- I- I was just- oh, are you physically fit?
 '''Chris:''' I will admit that I could be bette- I could be more fit.
 '''Jack:''' I want you to admit that you are fat, and that you have a problem, and that you need to work on it. [''strange noises of discombobulation''] Never mind, I'm- I'm pretty sure you and... [[Kim]] (???)- she's all- alright with that, because she seems like the type that would, you know... be a... fuckin'... you know, bossy-boss. But are you fit, Chris? Yes or no.
 '''Chris:''' No.
 '''Jack:''' Do not say- good. Good, we got somewhere. You are fat. Now... that's the first step in ''fixing'' the problem. Now, you actually have to ''do something'', and by "something", I mean "get out of the house and"- nah, never mind; I don't give a shit.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack:''' Uhh, I don't know... [[Vivian]] is... gonna be pissed, and, you know... I'm just saying.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, my bad.
 '''Jack''': Anyways... I want you to... stop rejecting... mail that you don't like.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': You- these are your fans, Chris; you shouldn't be fucking pushing them around like this... and actin' like, ya know, just because they say something that you don't agree with, their... opinions suddenly don't matter.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': You know, so... Vivian is trying to help you, but you don't- you seem to have a problem with taking advice.
 '''Chris:''' I have been taking advice- the advice of Vivian.
 '''Jack''': No, you haven't. [''interruption battle ensues''] You've been- you've been- okay, here's your version of-
 '''Chris:''' O- okay, well I- okay, well, I need to dispel- I need to-
 '''Jack''': ''Chris''!
 '''Chris:''' [''interrupts quietly''] Okay.
 '''Jack''': What have I told you about interrupting?!
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well, I was- I wa- I was sayin' somethin', then, uhh, you started sayin' somethin', so, okay... Continue.
 '''Jack''': Trials and advertisements make... you- trials and adversities make stronger; take your problems head-on; do not fucking dodge them.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': I just read that... from a fortune cookie.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': Except I added the "fucking" part, because-
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': Chinese people don't curse a lot.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack''': Actually, they do, but... I don't know. They- they curse in Chinese... something.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay.
 '''Jack''': How much do you care about Sonichu? [''disgruntled noise of frustration''] Okay! Now I am pissed, Chris, because I know what you're doing; you're just- you're not even listening! There's more-
 '''Chris:''' I am listening to you.
 '''Jack''': No, you're just saying, "Uh-huh. Yeah. Uhm-hmm. Yeah." You... I've heard you do this before.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I ''have'' been listening to you.
 '''Jack''': Hi(?), I remember when you did this with ''Clyde''. You just sit there and just, like, go, "Uhm-hmm. Uhm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. Mm." Do I do a good impression of you? I think I do. I'm- I think it's pretty spot-on. So...
 '''Chris:''' Whatever.
 '''Jack''': 'Member when- that's not a fuckin' respo-nse!
 '''Chris:''' But do go on, please.
 '''Jack''': Okay. He- remember when he tried to get you to go to Redmond... and you didn't go?
 '''Chris:''' Right.
 '''Jack''': You didn't go, because you don't give a ''shit'' about Sonichu.
 '''Chris:''' No, I didn't go, because I thought it was a trap.
 '''Jack''': How could it be a trap? For what?
 '''Chris:''' Well-
 '''Jack''': Do you think Clyde would-
 '''Chris:''' My mom thought it wa- my mom thought it was a trap. My dad thought it was a trap.
 '''Jack''': No, you thought it was a trap!
 '''Chris:''' And th-
 '''Jack''': Mom and Dad don't give a shit about what you do with Sonichu!
 '''Chris:''' And then we realized that the- that the e-mails from Mr. Mayamoto came from Mail.com, which is where anybody could pretend to be somebody else.
 [''at this point, Jack basks in the silence of the rare occurrence of having been owned by Chris'']
 '''Jack''': Eh... Well... Miyamoto-
 '''Chris:''' Of course, you know, my family is concerned of my safety, so there you go.
 '''Jack''': Yeah, that's why they shelter you like you're a baby. You know what? My parents threw me out when I turned eighteen. You know ''why'' they threw me out?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... probably because they couldn't stand you?
 [''Chris is now officially on a roll'']
 '''Jack''': Oooh! That earns you... two more gay ads! ...You little sassy-
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': thingy... guy. You gonna apologize?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm apologizing. I apologize for that. Okay, I-
 '''Jack''': No, say, "I'm sorry." Hey, "I am sorry."
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry.
 '''Jack''': Well... they kicked me out because I- because, you know... I have like five other brothers, or something. I don't know. I have a lot of... people in house.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. So it was overcrowded.
 '''Jack''': Yes.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': Just like your house, except it's not full of people; it's full of shit that you don't need! HAHAHAHAHA! Ahhh... we have fun, don't we, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... Well, you are, anyway.
 '''Jack''': Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' And I am not going to interrupt.
 '''Jack''': Anyways... grow some balls, get some initiative, ''fucking'' promote the ''shit'' out of Sonichu...
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': ...Vivian's gonna rape me... with the... strap-on, because she's crazy- oh, wait, I was reading an e-mail. Umm... yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack''': Just do whatever Vivian says, and... I'll be calling you soon, and... you don't fucking abuse your fans. Like, they're, you know- you don't have a lot of them, Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Jack''': Also, go to Redmond. Because, you know-
 '''Chris:''' Eventually, I- eventually, I will.
 '''Jack''': Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Jack''': Yeah, I- so... Oh, also- also, don't piss of your Asperger friends, 'cuz, you know, they're fuckin'... crazy-ass niggers.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Jack''': Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. So... any other thoughts?
 '''Jack''': Alright. Uhh... you're fat.
 '''Chris:''' Oka- oka- okay, I guess we're done here...?
 '''Jack''': Yep. Bye-bye.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, take care. [[Christmas|Merry Christmas]].
 '''Jack''': Merry Christmas to you, Fatty Fatfat!

{{succession|label=[[Jack Thaddeus|Jack Thaddeus's phone calls]]|prevlink=[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call|First]]|nextlink=[[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 2]]|}}

==See also==
*[[Kacey Phone Call]]
*[[Father Call]]
*[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]

==External links==
*[https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B6mRSOBYFcaBT2t4ZVZkVG1DZzQ/edit?usp=sharing Download link]

[[Category: Jack Thaddeus Phone Calls]]

{{FanChats}}

Homos

2017-03-27T06:24:25Z

Largo best: added sauce for quote

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:RainbowChris.jpg|thumb|Fun fact: [[Rainbow]] colors are the internationally recognized colors for the gay pride movement.]]
{{Quote|I Am Straight; [[China|Vaginas]] and [[Plush breasts|Boobies]] Give Me MY ERECTIONS; You Damn Homos have NO CHANCE with me EVER.|[[Chris]].<ref>[[Mailbag 31]]</ref>}}
{{Quote|There Was a time before I realized mine being a female soul trapped in a male-born body, when I was homophobic. But I became better aware of these kind and open-hearted people, and learned how understanding and compassionate they are, and with that, losing the homophobia, I felt more at peace with myself and those around me.|Chris evolves.<ref>[[January_2017_Facebook_Posts#Open_letter_to_Barron_Trump]]</ref>}}

'''Homos''' is the pejorative term by which Chris referred to gay people--almost invariably gay males--nigh exclusively at the time of his discovery. He has also occasionally used phrases such as "those of the wrong orientation", because even saying the word "homo" or "gay" makes him uncomfortable.

From the very beginning of his [[internet]] fame in [[2007]], his extreme opposition to homosexuality and his neurotic, obsessive demand that everyone "[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|STAY STRAIGHT]]" have been one of his most noted and exploited aspects. Chris's ire for male homosexuals is confusing, since they, of all people, pose the least threat to his [[Love Quest]], and seems to be motivated entirely by his own sexual insecurities.

At various times, most recently following his coming out as a "[[Tomgirl|transgender]] [[Gaybian|lesbian]]" in [[2014]], Chris has seemingly recanted previous homophobic statements, claiming to have become fully supportive of equality and human rights. In nearly every case, this has been at the request of a gal-pal or sweetheart, and like most of his [[Chris and remorse|apologies]] has been insincere. He apparently remains repulsed and unnerved by homosexual men on a personal level.

==Fear of being a homo==
[[Image:0067-Christian&Barbie.jpg|thumb|left|Chris tried to stay straight from an early age, by posing with Barbie.]]
[[Image:CWC new novel.png|thumb|A glimpse into the future?]]

{{quote|"Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation."|Chris. <ref>E-mail to Megan, "I'm sorry... *[[sigh]]*:; Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm</ref>}}

Chris's homophobia is just that: he is literally afraid of homosexuality and of anything that could conceivably cause him to be "leered off the straight path." His terror has been such that he was barely able to bring himself to even utter the word "gay" or any other term concerning gay people, except of course for "homo." He seems to struggle with intrusive homosexual thoughts; he has said that he cannot even look at a picture of a [[pickle]] without being "freaked out."<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref> In [[Kill De Jack]], Chris revealed that he had to cover a section of his computer screen with a piece of paper so that he could browse the [[CWCipedia]] without looking at [[Jack Thaddeus]]'s pro-gay advertisements. Nothing will get Chris angrier than being "mislabeled" as a homo.

Chris's homophobia seems to have emerged sometime in 2006, as his very earliest expression of anxiety is his classic "[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|Future Message]]," released in February 2007. At no time before this, either in his comics or his [[diary]] or his private correspondence, does he make any reference to homosexuality. It apparently grew out of the complex stew of his [[noviophobia]], his failure to achieve his Love Quest, his admiration for [[My Little Pony|girly toys]], his own [[Chris and gender|gender confusion]], his loathing of [[muscle bra|male bodies]], and [[autism]].
[[File:Taking it in the briefs.JPG|thumb|right|You're making this painfully obvious, Chris.]]

==Defenses against becoming a homo==
[[Image:CWCIsSTRAIGHT.jpg|thumb|According to Chris, heterosexuals defend their sexuality by stomping on [[vibrator]]s and showcasing index cards indicating their straightness on their shoes.]]
It's hard work for a warrior of true love and honesty to stay straight. Chris uses many strange and totemic objects, from a [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|poster of Sailor Moon]] to his [[Optimus Prime]] toy, to aggressively assert his straightness. Chris has said that he stared at his Sailor Moon poster every day to stave off temptations of homosexuality. The centerfold poster of [[The Simpsons#Marge poster|Marge Simpson's ''Playboy'' edition]] was another of Chris's many defenses against becoming a homo. The fact that she is a married cartoon character does not seem to have dissuaded him. Chris also subscribes to ''Playboy'' to help keep himself straight. You can tell he's straight because when he's explaining what he finds attractive in women it only takes five seconds for him to get around to breasts and china.

When homosexual (or potentially homosexual) fans sent Chris questions on the CWCipedia asking for tips to STAY STRAIGHT, Chris tended to suggest what essentially amounts to self-brainwashing. Some of his ideas included thinking of naked women and how awesome they are, and imagining being struck by painful lightning whenever a homosexual thought occurs.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> He also clarified that one needs not buy a Sailor Moon poster in particular; any poster featuring attractive women (preferably in bikinis and looking sexy) will do the trick. He believes these rituals are necessary to "maintain" sexual attraction to women.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Mailbag 3#Hypnotize away the gay|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 3#Sexy posters|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 4#Dissolving homoerotic thoughts in stomach acid|Mailbag #4]]</ref>

Chris has also encouraged women to not [[Alcohol|drink]], [[Tobacky|smoke]], or be physically abused while pregnant, as this could cause the baby to be born homosexual, as if Homosexuality is like Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. <ref>[[Mailbag 5#Daniel Tammet/Punching your baby will make it gay|Mailbag #5]]</ref> Chris is also convinced that his chances of becoming homosexual have been raised because he did not engage in heterosexual intercourse before maturation,<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Dating_Education</ref> hence his oft-stated regret that he did not get [[dating education]] classes in high school, and his recommendation that they be made available for the youth of today.

Considering the myriad of habits Chris has cultivated which are highly atypical for a straight male, it seems certain that he has been at the very least sexually confused. He is demonstrably very aggressive and insecure about it.

==Hatred of homos==
Chris is not simply afraid of becoming a homo himself--he hates all gay men. This animosity seems to result primarily from his fear of them (and all men) and their supposed ability or desire to make him gay. He has often characterized the [[trolls]] - all of them - as homos, which is either a basic ''ad hominem'' attack or a sincere belief that anyone who draws penises on [[Rosechu (character)|Rosechu]] must be gay. It also reveals a belief that all of his trolls are male, since Chris uses "homo" exclusively in reference to gay men. This notion is not only [[Vivian Gee|demonstrably false]], but in fact [[Chris and reality|completely delusional]], since many of Chris's greatest trolls have been women, and Chris knows it. This exercise in selective memory likely stems from Chris's loathing of male [[JERKS]] and inversely-proportional adoration of [[Gal-pals|women]].

Notably, in [[IRC (02 January 2009)|an IRC chat]] from 2 [[January 2009]], Chris made this statement:

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "[[Wikipedia:Deck the Halls|Deck the Halls]]"|Chris, 2 January 2009, 11:59.}}

[[Image:Bionic2.jpg|thumb|Chris projects his repressed homosexuality onto [[Bionic the Hedgehog|one of his own abominations]].]]

Chris further went on to propose a bizarre form of conversion therapy in which all gay men would be imprisoned and made to sleep with both female offenders and prostitutes, thereby "reprogramming" them. Interestingly, a certain [[wikipedia:Heinrich Himmler|Herr Himmler]] had a similar idea, suggesting that "pink triangle" concentration camp prisoners be forced to sleep with (female) camp prostitutes.

{{quote|[they would be] taken in and reprogrammed with multiple upon multiple pleasurable moments with female prison inmates and prosts.|Chris<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/IRC_(02_January_2009)</ref>}}

On 30 [[January 2010]], Chris voiced his sagacious opinion about the ban on homosexuals serving openly in the American military. He advocated the lifting of the ban, but only so that "[[Mailbag 49#Chris loves his country|the homos can go die in explosions]]."

The universe of [[CWCville]] has also seen an anti-gay jihad. On 5 [[January 2010]], Chris stated that [[Magi-Chan]] keeps a constant psychic surveillance to ensure that there are no homos in CWCville.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Mailbag_31#Magi-Chan_knows_when_you_fuck</ref> When evidence of homosexuality is found, the people involved are [[Chris and the Law|arrested and fined heavily]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris's comic self travels into the future, where scientists have successfully isolated the "homo gene" (An idea stolen from the ''[[Family Guy]]'' episode "[[Wikipedia:Family Gay|Family Gay]]"). They have not, however, isolated the "straight gene", and are only able to when Chris donates his own blood (Chris has once remarked that [[Wikipedia:Sonderbehandlung|homosexuality could be cured by injecting blood from straight men into homosexuals]]). Chris then brought back to the present enough of the "cure" to turn every gay person on Earth straight. Ironically, a vaccination traditionally consists of introducing a small amount of the disease to a body to stimulate the immune system - so Chris unwittingly implied that his blood contains the dreaded homo virus.

A classic case of Chris's homophobia surfaced in the struggle over advertisements on his CWCipedia. Jack Thaddeus purchased ad space on the CWCipedia to put up 2 ads. One featured Peter Griffin of ''Family Guy'', pointing out that he and his creator, Seth MacFarlane, were supportive of gay rights; and the other promoted Mexican tourism with a cartoon [[pickle]]. Chris unsurprisingly went berserk, stating:

{{quote|I understand you getting paid to run ads in that box on the Cwcipedia. I feel okay with Vivian's [[Audiobooks]], BUT I feel OFFENDED with the Mexico Contest and Gay-Rights Ads. The Pickle on the Mexico ad reminds me of a terrible time in my past with Pickle-Suited TROLLS, and '''I AM AGAINST HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLES and FOR STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUALITY.'''|Chris.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:WikiSysop#The_New_Ad-Links</ref>}}

In protest, Chris replaced Jack Thaddeus's gay-friendly ads with ads for [[wikipedia:Love In Action|Love In Action]] (an "ex-gay" ministry), ProtectMarriage.com (a site promoting [[wikipedia:California Proposition 8 (2008)|Proposition 8]]), and a site calling for a boycott of Pepsi due to their gay-friendliness. To sum it up, in one fell swoop, Chris managed to put in three big things that would ''not'' win him any gay friends whatsoever.

As with his fear of becoming a homo, the origins of Chris's deep homophobia are not clear. Certainly [[Bob]] had an influence, as the [[Matthew Noble call]] showed that he had the same kind of deranged hatred and prejudice as his son. On 7 January 2010, when answering the question of how he began hating the gay population, we got this interesting insight:

{{quote|I estimate that I started hating them about Summer, [[2003]] just after I started my Sweetheart Search, where I received the response from one woman, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I am a Lesbian." That, combined with my PAST dislike of MEN in general AND the later pictured images of such acts led me to DISGUST AND HATRED FOR THE HOMOSEXUALS. Plus ALL of the Homos within the Trolls AND all Homosexual Fans with their WRONGFUL Quoting of MY comics and characters in THEIR PAPERS and ESSAYS promoting homosexuality, and EVEN WORSE a Sonichu BALLOON in one of their God DAMED Pride Parades!!! ALL OF THESE FACTORS have ONLY made my view of the Homosexual Males WORSE!|[[Common Questions#Answered 07 January 2010|Chris, before finally stating (for the umpteenth time) that Sonichu is straight.]]}}

If this is true, Chris made no reference to it at the time, restricting his hatred solely to the heterosexual male [[JERKS]]. It is certainly ironic considering his more recent views on lesbianism. It also adds another interesting aspect to his hatred: Chris's frustration with homos is influenced by his being childish and whiny about not getting his way with ''one'' woman who turned him down. We wouldn't expect anything different from him.

Chris knows that his homophobia is unpopular with his fans, and he has often tried to persuade the public that he respects homosexuals for "who they are". However, he usually betrays his sincere intolerance of different lifestyles soon afterward - often within the same statement. On [[CWC Update 18 February 2009|18 February 2009]], for example, Chris issued one of his retractions of his previous homophobic remarks and declared that he respects "the gay people" just as he respects his gal pals and his [[List of Chris's sweethearts|sweethearts]]. However, this was done at the insistence of [[Julie]]; [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|a mere month later]] Chris was [[Chris and religion|reciting verses from the Bible]] to once again preach against the vile homos.

On 14 [[June 2009]], Chris posted a "[[music]]" [[video]] called "[[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]", which, in his tradition of ruining everything you ever loved, is a homophobic version of [[Wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]]'s satirical song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from ''[[Wikipedia:The Boondocks|The Boondocks]]''. Later on that same day, he published an [[I'm Sorry, Dude|apology]] for the video and insisted that he likes gays who "ac...accomplish other things, like [[Wikipedia:Stephen Fry|Stephen Fry]], who was a homosexual, but y'know he did a good job being a narrator on ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''." Chris was of course unaware of the various other career accomplishments of Stephen Fry. It seems that this apology was only posted in the first place for the sake of his gal-pal [[Kim]]'s boyfriend, whose gay brother apparently lost both his arms in Iraq.

On 12 January 2010, Chris again appeared to soften his stance, saying that "I am decreeing that homosexuals will have equal relationship rights within CWCville." However, in the same breath Chris clarified, "gay marriage is still Illegal and Wrong. And [[Magi-Chan]] will stay out of those people's heads under my request."<ref>[[CWC Blog#12 January 2010]]</ref> The reason why gay marriage isn't an "equal relationship right" is not readily apparent.

More recently, not long after coming out as a "male lesbian," Chris felt deeply uncomfortable with being perceived as "gay" or "homo," and in Facebook statements attempted to exclude gay men from his crusade for gender equality. No doubt under the influence of his new sweetheart [[Catherine]] and other gal-pals, Chris retracted these clumsy statements, apologizing for the umpteenth time.

{{quote|I am accepting of the gays as people, just like most any individual person. Seriously, you all be proud of who you are. All I ask is not to find any reason to feel anger towards anyone of any orientation, race or whatever, based on their individual actions or offense as an individual person of self. Also, please disregard all of my past and Way past thoughts of turning gays straight; that was very wrong of me. I am very sorry about that, and continue to be true and proud of yourselves for who you are, as I am Very Proud of myself for being a Lesbian Transgender (a Female, Lesbian Soul trapped in a male body).|Chris, surprisingly redeemable.<ref>[[September 2014 Facebook Posts]]</ref>}}

He also announced his support for the Human Rights Campaign, going so far as to say that homophobics "are none other than the Cyber-Bullies and Internet Trolls who put hate on the innocent around the world; Young and Old. Some of which even put pressure on to force you into being something you know fully that you are Not!" Interestingly, his prior notion that all trolls are homosexuals had been completely reversed to the idea that they're all homo''phobes'', illustrating that Chris still believes that any detractor of his is part of an organized movement and [[Chris and his Ego|has personal flaws]].

However, if the past is any judge, the end of his relationship with Catherine has no doubt caused his homophobia to resurface. He confirmed in late 2014 that despite the fact that comic Chris shares his new gender identity, [[Reldnahc]], his opposite, is still an evil violent homo.<ref>Commissions</ref>

On 26 [[June 2015]], the Supreme Court upheld the constitutionality of gay marriage. Chris, shockingly enough, reacted very positively towards this:

{{Quotebox|Congratulations to us all for Nationwide Marriage Equality! If a holiday be made of June 26, 2015, how about ‪#‎PridependenceDay‬!

Now, I still require my Sweetheart to be my future wife. As a ‪#‎Lesbian‬ ‪#‎Transwoman‬, I do feel I am compatible with Any woman.

And No, I am not mistaken. I have been genuinely feeling and [[List of Chris's lies|identifying like a woman for about my whole lifetime]]. I never could appreciate the [[JERK|male's]] Neanderthal interests. And I felt more appreciative and comprehending of [[Women's Rights|fashions, makeup, shopping]], [[Chris and remorse|empathy]], identifying feelings and [[Death threats|looking to resolve problems]] [[Sub-episodes|reasonably]].

Plus, I have a great deal of [[Chris and Anger|self control]], and I can bring good and pleasant [[semen|tidings]] to an all woman party.

‪#‎LoveWins‬ ‪#‎OneFamily‬ ‪#‎LGBTQ‬ ‪#‎Pridependence‬ ‪#‎Pride‬}}

In [[October 2015]], Chris released a [[Apology for past homophobic comments and homophobia.|video]] in which he apologizes for his past homophobic statements and iterates that he is now supportive of male homosexuals, while still drilling the point home that Sonichu and Rosechu are straight. He almost simultaneously [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] [[Sonichu 10]] and replaced the fictional gay epidemic with a bizarre [[Nombie-zazis|Nazi zombie]] premise, which still has homophobic implications given the context of the comic.

==Chris on his alleged homosexuality==
[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be [[Warning - Naughty Women ;)|having sex with THREE WOMEN?"]]]]

* "I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT! I WILL NOT BE VEERED INTO ANY OTHER DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE DIRECTION!!!!!"<ref>[[Masturbating and squirtin']]</ref>
* "I'm STRAIGHT! I'm STRAIGHT! '''YOU'RE the homos!''' EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!"<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008]]</ref>
* "I'm straight, don't doubt me!"<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref>
* "Listen, as hard as you fucking can, I CAME OUT OF MY AUTISTIC [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|CLOSET]] AS A STRAIGHT MAN, and NOTHING ELSE. SO YOU IMMATURE JERKS CAN JUST FUCK OFF."<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref>
* "Yep, you heard me. I am...a [[gaybian|gaaaaaaaaay...bian]]."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the First Video]]</ref>
* "Anyway the, uh- anyway so, to get to the point...fine. I'm guhh. I'm gaaaay. I'm gaay. I said it...OK. Yep. So...did I really come out of the closet there? That just depends on y'all- how y'all understand it."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the Second Video]]</ref>
* "And look at me. Do I look like- [*shakes head in disagreement*] '''No more of those stupid acquisition messages!''' Get it through your fucking, individual, damn, dirty SKULLS! '''[[List of Chris's lies|I. Am. STRAIGHT!]]'''"<ref>''[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]''</ref>

===“Christopher” Christian “Ricardo” Weston Chandler’s Address to the Homosexuals===
On 6 August 2009, at a time when the trolls were getting the most mileage out of baiting Chris regarding his sexual orientation, Chris posted a wide-ranging, [[Chris and anger|hate-fuelled]] rant on the [[CWCipedia]] which he hoped would clear up all misconceptions. His "Address to the Homosexuals," subtitled "I AM STRAIGHT!!! NOT HOMO; NOT BI; STRAIGHT!!! GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULLS!" is a classic statement on the issue. Unfortunately it had no noticeable effect on the trolling. The essay in full:

{{quotebox|
Good day, I write this essay with sound mind to address the major issues that has been bugging me constantly for the past few yeas, The Pressure and '''Stress''' FROM the Homosexual Population.

First off, as I have said OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND '''OVER Infinite Number Of Times''', ''I, “Christopher” Christian “Ricardo” Weston Chandler, AM STRAIGHT.'' '''[[Tomgirl Saga|No Question or]] [[Gaybian|Shadow of a Doubt, EVER.]]'''

I personally respect the individual people as fellow human beings, and I am cool with associating with them as acquaintances and friends, but Please Do Not Wave Around what you do behind closed doors around me; '''NOBODY CARES TO KNOW; I PERSONALLY DO NOT CARE TO KNOW.''' Even within my imagination, I Do Not Care to even have the pictures Randomly Pop up in my head. Every time of such pictures’ appearance, ''I feel Queasy and want to Throw Up.'' I humbly apologize for being offensive, but that is how I feel.

As a human being, I have no hard feelings conversing and associating with the homosexuals at any time. Individually, they each have a right to their own opinions, perceptions and peaceful lives. I fully understand and respect that.

''The only thing that really Grinds My Gears Harshly is being '''Wrongfully Labeled as a Homosexual when I am straight.'''''

I am aware of the way I [[Speech impediment|stutter]], space my words and all that from the way I talk, but I assure you, that I sometimes have trouble fully comprehending situations and status at first; it sometimes takes me a long while before I can fully comprehend and make an appropriate reaction. In another word, ''I am Sometimes Retarded.''

And the ONLY REASON I have not had sex yet in my lifetime WITH A WOMAN yet, is because '''the WHOLE TIME, I have been SHY'''; kept down with the ''Personal Fear of nearly EVERY Woman I see being Already Paired-Up with a Boyfriend''. I am not a man who likes confrontations with the guy who has spoken for the woman I’m eying over. And during my High School Years, '''I WAS NAÏVE on the subject of DATING''' (''Bring in Dating Education Classes, and Run them Alongside or Before Sexual Education, and make Dating Education Equally Mandatory)''. [[Honor roll|It had not dawned on me that I NEEDED TO BE DATING until AFTER I had turned Twenty-One-Years Old]], during my Third Year attending Piedmont Virginia Community College.

And my '''Sonichu and Rosechu Comic Pages'''; again, I understand each individual person has their own perception of things, BUT Contrary to the individual perceptions among some people, '''The Comics, Drawings, and ALL Words ALL HAD NO MEANING OF ANYTHING Homosexual Whatsoever!''' I Personally in Real Life AND in the Comic Pages and all that '''PROMOTE BEING STRAIGHT''', No Question or Shadow of a Doubt.

All Those of You have Heavily Wrongfully Misunderstood Parts of All the Comic Pages and all that of such.

'''I, All my Sonichus, Rosechus, and citizens of Cwcville, Virginia, Do Not Appreciate At All Being Wrongfully Labled as homosexuals. IT REALLY INFURIATES ME, Sonichu, Rosechu and EVERYBODY ELSE.'''

I have also heard of My Sonichu being ''written in College Essays that promote homosexuality.'' And even worse, ''promoting him in the Gay Pride Parades.'' '''WRONG LABELS; STOP WRITING OR PROMOTING ME OR MY CHARACTERS AS SUCH!''' ''[[Reldnahc Notsew Niatsirhc|ALL Sonichus Are Straight!]] [[Silvana Rosechu|ALL Rosechus Are Straight!]] I Am Straight! My Comics are STRAIGHT COMICS.'' I, Sonichu and Rosechu, '''We Never Want to be part of ANY AND ALL Homosexual-Promoting Papers or Events, because with EVERY ITEM that is created from NOT OF MY OWN HANDS that EVEN Inklings such Wrongful Labelings upon, ME, Sonichu, Rosechu, and ALL MY STRAIGHT CHARACTERS, WE ARE ALL BEING DISREPECTED!'''

We will Never Take the Misunderstandings, Mislabelings And All The Like Sitting Down.

I, Personally, would RATHER have a PAINFUL Gender-Change Operation than EVER Turn Homosexual.

'''So, to reiterate, I, and 96 % of ALL CHARACTERS, are ALL STRAIGHT!''' ''NEVER EVER CALL me, my comics, or any of MY STRAIGHT Characters GAY!''

<nowiki>*</nowiki>sigh*

And to conclude, while I personally do not care about the homosexual lifestyle that swift, and I personally respect each individual homosexual person as individual human beings, '''The MAIN thing that really Infuriates Me is being called gay. DO NOT EVER Call Me Gay, or EVER Question My Sexual Orientation.
'''

''[[Lie|I, “Christopher” Christian “Ricardo” Weston Chandler, Am Straight]]. Period.
''

Thank you.}}

==Views on lesbianism==

Whereas Chris's discomfort with homosexual males has been fairly consistent, his views on lesbianism have wildly vacillated. In Chris's ''Carrie'' rip-off, "[[The High School Story]]", his Mary Sue character Terrah LeAnne Yowman is ridiculed and accused of being a lesbian by kids at her high school because she hangs around with male friends. As the work serves as a backstory to the villainous [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], Terrah's bullying may have served as a fictional inverse parallel to the endless accusations of homosexuality lodged by Chris' detractors, illustrating Chris' worldview of implied homosexuality as an insult.

{{quote|She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating [[Creepy stare|glare]] with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a Strong, Straight [[Christian Weston Chandler|Homophobe]] would attack that bully with [[Chris and religion|No Mercy]]; beat the crap out of that person.|"[[The High School Story]]"}}

On 25 July 2009, Chris produced a [[CWC "Boyfriend"|rambling and nonsensical video]] to the tune of Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend". In the middle of the video, Chris sings about the importance of "being straight" and intersperses a "STAY STRAIGHT" caption on a photo of a lesbian couple split in two.

{{quote|
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me!
Hey, you! Hey, you!
You need to be straight, girl!
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend! }}

Later, Chris would gradually revise his former hard-line attitude against lesbians. In ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', Chris goes out of his way to state that the children of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] are watched over by [[Heather Iglesias]], whom he characterizes as "a pretty, trustworthy, good natured Spanish Lesbian."<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu">[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Cwcipedia: Sonichu]</ref> He further mentions that Heather keeps her sexuality a secret from the kids at the request of Sonichu himself.<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu"/> Chris may have shoehorned a lesbian character into ''Sonichu'' to appear more tolerant, but his attempt comes off as half-hearted in light of his continual derision of gay men and insistence that Heather hide her sexuality.

In [[Mumble 1]], which took place on the last day of 2009, Chris declared his support for lesbians and reiterated his simultaneous hatred for gay men, stating that he hated [[JERKS]] in general, and how (typically) a porn DVD helped to soften his view on lesbians. In effect, Chris claimed that he supports lesbians because he believes women are beautiful, and hates gay men because men are icky.

{{quote|Uhh. Pretty much but it's like you know, between lesbians, it's like, hmm, partial [dis]courage. But then it's- but then again, but then between guys instead I would definitely 100% discourage. In my humble opinion...I've uh talked to others before with uh, [[PandaHalo|Sarah]], my uh s-s-Sarah, my girlfriend. I can not be willing to do a threesome with uh two women, but defina- but definitely never with two guys.|Chris, [[Mumble 1]]}}

{{quote|Yes, Yes they are- yes they're they're more beautf- they're more beautiful. They're like, they're really- they're truly like works of art in their own way- just like yeah you know, just like you know the statues that uh, were in past times.|Chris, [[Mumble 1]]}}

On 28 [[March 2013]], Chris posted a public [[Facebook#Gay Marriage |Facebook message]] whining about repeat media coverage of the Supreme Court's [[:wikipedia:Hollingsworth v. Perry|Proposition 8]] and [[:wikipedia:United States v. Windsor|DOMA]] deliberations. In it, he reiterated his support for lesbians and his disapproval of "the damn homosexual males".

===Chris the lesbian===
[[File:Chris at a gay bar.jpg|right|thumb|Chris's selfie from a gay bar restroom. Disturbing, but unsurprising.]]
On 14 [[August 2014]], Chris posted on his [[Facebook]] page that he himself was now officially a "lesbian-identified man".<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out...kinda]]</ref> He posted a picture of himself holding an LGBT flag. He stated that "I support the LBT fully; the G.[ay] M.[ale]s are fortunate to be on this boat." On 31 [[October 2014]], Chris spent that [[Halloween]] at a gay bar dressed as a "Groovy 70's Lesbian",<ref>[[October 2014 Facebook Posts]]</ref> further evidencing his apparent acceptance of homosexuality, in that visiting a gay bar was [[Chris and hypocrisy|THE thing Chris had specified on multiple occasions that he would never do in his life]].

However, as anyone who's even mildly aware of sexuality and gender will tell you, a lesbian male isn't actually a real thing. The idea of a "lesbian in man's body" is just something a guy might google after [[mass debating]], and Chris's citation of '''Yahoo! Answers''' to validate its existence is unpersuasive to say the least. Whether or not Chris has had a turn of heart, and realized the error of his ways when it comes to homosexuality, we'll just have to wait and see. Sexuality seems to be the most powerful governing force in Chris's self-definition, and as such it is perhaps unsurprising that it has changed so dramatically over time, given his utter failure to find his place in the world.

Chris's identification as a lesbian is closely tied to the next subject...

== Chris and transsexuality ==
{{quote|Tranny Pride, Worldwide!|Chris calling himself a derogatory term for transgenders, 14 August 2014<ref>[[Brassieres For Males#Chris comes out]]</ref>}}
[[Image:Die-cis-scum.jpg|thumb|right|Likelier than you think.]][[Image:Chris_15_Aug_2014_changed_profile_pic.jpg|thumb|right|Chris the "Male Lesbian Intersex Transgender."]]

Given that Chris lacks basic [[English]] skills, it shouldn’t be surprising that he has trouble navigating the linguistic minefield of ''transgender'', ''transsexual'', ''transvestite'', ''intersex'', ''bisexual'', ''hermaphrodite'', and his own ''tomgirl''. For someone who hates mislabelings, he sure is sloppy when it comes to these labels. On his [[OKCupid]] profile, when asked, "Would you date a transgender person," he replied, "Yes, as long as she was born female and was still female (or a tomboy)."<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers]]</ref> He told [[Jackie]] that the fact that he loved wearing women’s clothing did not make him a “transvestite.”<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 24]]</ref> He told gal-pal [[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails|Rebeckah Bentley]] that the [[unclit]] made him “bisexual” when he meant intersex; he promptly flipped his shit when Rebeckah asked if he wanted to fuck dudes now.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Introducing the un-clit]]</ref> All of Chris’s claims about sexuality or gender identity need to be viewed through an autistic filter.

That said, Chris has spent many years struggling to articulate his position on transgender topics. In the early years of trolling, he confessed that he was uncomfortable with the idea of transgender people, and made it clear that he was not sexually attracted to them. “I have given thought about the transgenders and transvesites; I do not feel comfortable with them….[D]icks are dicks, and I do not care about them, except for my own,” he wrote in a [[January 2009]] chat.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref> He later reiterated: “I Do Not Care Much for Transgender People or Hermaphrodites, but I do not discriminate them as individual people.”<ref>[[Mailbag 26#Reusing the same excuses for everything else!]]</ref>

{{quote|I would NEVER CARE to have sex with a Hermaphrodite.|Classic Chris, 15 January 2010<ref>[[Mailbag 39#Shemales and man-tits]]</ref>}}

Yet somehow, he could not let the issue rest...when [[Wikipedia:Bailey Jay|Bailey Jay]] introduced herself to Chris in a [[Mailbag]] letter, revealing some naughty selfies, Chris’s initial reaction was completely phobic at the sight of this "hermaphrodite." Later though, after Jay let Chris know that he had hurt her feelings, he reached into his shallow well of empathy. "I can relate to how you feel. Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I was born female instead, because of some of my emotional, caring, self-conscious thoughts I had in my lifetime. Then I would later remember that God must have made me all straight male for good reasons."<ref>[[Mailbag 25#It's a trap!]] and [[Mailbag 27#Is Chris hitting on Bailey Jay?]]</ref> When Chris looked at this beautiful woman with a large pickle, he saw a distorted reflection of himself. He was not yet ready to abandon his “straight male” identity, though.

After becoming a [[tomgirl]] in 2011, even though he was still officially a "heterosexual" and "proud to be male," some of his words and actions betrayed a deeper gender confusion. He started using women’s restrooms. He told Jackie that he fantasized about "fit[ting] in at a lesbian bar," where he believed he would have no trouble seducing a lesbian and persuading her to bone "in lesbian's position (the scissor-thing) with my dick in her vag."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 25]]</ref> In December 2013 he confessed to Rebeckah, "I wish I was born female, with the possibility of being a lesbian."<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Dead end of a life]]</ref> He still seemed unsettled, especially since being a tomgirl wasn’t working to attract a Sweetheart/Soulmate.

On 14 [[August 2014]], he came out publicly, although as what exactly wasn’t certain, given his garbled and inconsistent vocabulary. The initial announcement was that he was "a Tomgirl, Intersex of Female Soul with Male Body, and a Tranny Cross-Dresser." Then he said he was a "Lesbian Identified Man and a Cross-Dressing Tranny." Two weeks later he was telling [[Catherine]] that he was a "Lesbian tomgirl transgender male" but also "[[Three-Quarter Woman|three-quarters woman]]." By September he seemed to have settled on "Lesbian Transgender (a Female, Lesbian Soul trapped in a male body)."<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out...kinda]], [[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Flirt the skirt!]], [[Catie Date Conversation Transcript#Understanding the whole tomgirl thing]], and [[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Alright, Alright, NOW It's OK to Be Gay]]</ref> In [[April 2015]], apparently no longer a "man," he changed his Facebook pronoun to "she" and his name to "Christine".<ref>[[April 2015 Facebook posts#A new pronoun]]</ref> This month also saw the beginning of a flurry of Facebook "likes" for all sorts of progressive transgender issues, such as restroom choice and gay marriage. Whatever he was, he was certainly proud of it, and wasted no time trying to persuade his new L(G)BT personal army to wage war against local manajerks.

===Does Chris Want the Operation?===
Almost immediately upon being discovered, Chris revealed that he had been giving a lot of thought to contingencies which might require him to lop off his [[duck]]. In 2007 he told [[Megan]], “if I ever stoop down to changing my path [i.e., becoming a homo], I might as well would get a gender change operation.”<ref>[[Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris is angry about Megan kissing her friend, then pities himself]]</ref> He also made it clear to anyone who asked that he was literally nauseated by the sight of his own penis (and all other penises). It might seem self-evident, then, that Lesbian Transgender Chris would be eager to undergo sex reassignment surgery. However, in his intellectual discourses on transgender controversies, Chris has expressed some ambivalence. In a February 2009 chat, when asked if transwomen should "go under the knife," Chris replied:

{{quote|Um...[long pause] no. I- no no. And also I'll tell you- I'll tell you this- and if I ever have a trans-gender child with both sets of, uh, with both sets of uh, genitals, I would uh, raise that child to be a boy.|Chris, apropos of nothing<ref>[[Mumble 6#On The Transgender Community]]</ref>}}

He similarly told a troll impersonating transgender porn actress Bailey Jay (who also hadn’t asked) that "if I should ever have a hermaphrodite for a child, I would raise that child with the mentality of a boy/man."<ref>[[Mailbag 27#Is Chris hitting on Bailey Jay?]]</ref>

For a long time, these were puzzling statements, given his hatred for [[JERKS]] and all manner of pickled cucumbers. As his own gender identity mutated, however, Chris revealed his reasoning. In early 2014, on his OKCupid Q&A, he was faced with the question, "Imagine you have a newborn child whose sex cannot be determined. A risk-free surgery performed immediately could provide normal male or female sexual and reproductive function. Which would you choose?" Chris’s answer was, "Do not perform the surgery." He added,

{{quote|If a Hermaphrodite, I would raise it to be male regardless since it would not have any eggs anyway. Plus big bonus for (him) in sex with all women (lesbians included I would imagine).|Chris, exemplifying the wisdom of Solomon<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers]]</ref>}}

In other words, there were two obstacles in the way of Chris losing his duck. First, a sex change operation wouldn’t provide him with reproductive organs. Since, as a woman, he would not be able to give the birth to [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]] personally (which is his true fantasy), he must first impregnate someone, as many times as necessary until the appearance of his God-promised daughter. He can’t adopt, because Crystal must come from "blood, tears, and semenal descent."<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#10 November]]</ref> He criticized fellow tranny Ahuviya (whom he incorrectly believed to be [[Jack Thaddeus]]) for trying to have the operation, claiming that he "would definitely not be considered any at all a woman--a woman whatsoever" because "he would not have a uterus, and he would have no repoductive [sic] organs. I mean, I want to have children someday. Obviously, he don't."<ref>[[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]</ref>

In late 2014, he could not persuade a sperm bank, lesbians on a message board, or his friend [[Open Relationship E-mails|Renee]] to serve as the vessel for Crystal.<ref>[[Semen#Donation]]</ref> So for now, its purpose unfulfilled, the Ugly Growth must remain.

The second reason he can’t get the surgery is that the duck is an [[Attraction Sign]]. As much as he loves to crow about being a "Lesbian," Chris wants to be "open to all women, Straight, Bi, and Lesbian." In a [[May 2015]] Facebook Q&A, regarding the operation, he was equivocal, and wrote, "I am exploring making the best of this body for Any Woman born with a vagina." If he wants to be everything for everybody, he will need to hold onto the duck.<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#All This and Eye-Contact Too!]] and [[May 2015 Facebook posts#The Mailbag Returns]]</ref>

It should also be noted that Chris doesn’t have a fucking clue how sex reassignment works. In [[June 2015]] he posted an advertisement on Facebook: “I deserve to be a full woman with a full functioning vagina. A- blood type, if anyone wants to put up the money and trade.”<ref>[[June 2015 Facebook Posts#Let's Trade Genitalia]]</ref> As with most things he wants, Chris prefers to sit on his fat lesbian ass and wait for "a Magical Transformation of my body from Male to completely Female."<ref>[[Open Relationship E-mails#Depressed on Christmas]]</ref>

===In CWCville===
Before his slide into “femdom,” Chris used the intersex character [[Silvana]] to symbolize the evil trolls. The evil [[Count Graduon]] told her, “I am going to grant you with the power to transform like a Ditto. My price is that you will have to relinquish your ability to give birth, and you will be upgraded to have both parts. So with the biological upgrade complete, your years of training can begin.”<ref>[[Sonichu 8 Official Videobook#Episode 18]]</ref> She proceeded to seduce and horrify the tranquil community. After Chris modified his gender identity, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|Robee Sonichu]] also became a tomgirl, and later a full-fledged male lesbian. In May 2015 he confirmed that [[Comic Chris]] was a “Lesbian Transwoman,” and [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] as a D-cup female with “a uterus and ovaries,” possibly to be renamed Chrissy-Chan Rosechu. Then, through the power of his imagination, Chris managed to ''impregnate himself'' with a turkey baster and give birth to twins.<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#Meet Russel and Cynthia]]</ref> This scenario is probably as realistic as Chris ever getting a handle on his own gender.

==Evidence against Chris's heterosexuality==
[[Image:564Homos.jpg|thumb|left|At least Chris doesn't fail at cataloging pictures. [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality No, it's not a shoop].]]

[[Image:CWCMonica.jpg|thumb|[[Niggos|Oh lawd, is dat sum lipstick on Chris?]]]]

{{quote|First off, should such images [of men's asses] enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever.|[[Mailbag 4|Mailbag #4]] - Chris admitting he's had homoerotic fantasies ([[Recycling|and eats imaginary man asses]]).}}

[[Image:Sonichuballs.jpg|thumb|For someone who claims to be straight, Chris sure does love talking about BALLS. Also, balls are touching.]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|That's one [[pickle|phallic]] [[Lego]] tower you're building there, Chris.]]
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]
[[File:ChrisNewShoes.png|thumb|Totally not gay at all.]]
[[File:ChrisOneEyebrow.png|thumb|''One... eyebrow.'']]

Ironically, the [[Autistic dick|harder]] Chris [[I am STRAIGHT|tries to convince people]] he's straight, the less so he appears. He has absolutely no awareness that an uptight, milquetoast, colorfully-dressed, squeaky-voiced man saying "I am straight! I have a subscription to ''Playboy''!"<ref>[[CWC Update 18 January 2009]]</ref> every five minutes looks like he has something he's trying to hide. Furthermore, the more we learn about Chris, the more gay he really appears to be.

* Chris has stated that if he were unable to stay straight he would undergo sex reassignment surgery; he would rather be female than gay. It should be noted that straight men never, ever, put this much thought into this hypothetical dilemma.<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref>
* He collects [[My Little Pony]] figures well into adulthood, and began this collecting way before ''Friendship is Magic'' premiered.
* For a straight man, he sure does [[Semen#Transcript|consume a lot of semen]]. Likewise, the idea of [[Kacey Call 1|licking his own ejaculate]] off one of his gal-pals sexually arouses him.
* Like many gay men, most of his "friends" were female and he never slept with any of them (despite his best efforts to do so).
* In a [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|PSN chat with Julie]], Chris revealed that he randomly has images of penises (his own and others he's seen in porn) pop into his head. He also claims to hear voices in his head that say "Christian is gay." Unless Chris is having ''very specific'' auditory hallucinations, it's likely he has homoerotic daydreams and freaks out about it. In the same chat he sounded ''delighted'' describing the first time he saw semen in a porno movie as a teenager.
* In the chat where [[Julie Reveals Herself]], when [[Max]] told Chris to suck his duck, Chris asked, "How can I do yours if I'm all the way over here?" instead of simply saying "no", although this could simply be his autistic mind trying to cope with hyperbole. Also, later on in the same chat, Chris attempted to show Max his duck when the latter began to taunt him with claims that he had a pussy. While you might be thinking that it's just a typical knee-jerk reaction from Chris, an [[Julie_Reveals_Herself:_The_Prequel|earlier chat]] reveals a part where Chris ''offers'' to show Max his dick.
* He owns, or at least has owned, anal beads and a vibrator, and he is on record as having experimented with putting both toys in his anus. In a chat during the [[Vanessa Saga]] on 16 [[April 2009]], he claimed that he no longer shoved things up his ass, except for "a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose."<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 3|Vanessa IRC Chat III]]</ref> Although it is quite possible to stick things up your butt and still be straight, people who are terrified of being turned gay generally do not do this.
* Chris said that he would put a large dildo up his ass for [[Ivy]] "in a heartbeat," and would let her fuck him with a strap-on.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 7|Vanessa IRC Chat VII]]</ref>
* Chris said that he might let a gay guy fuck him if Ivy wanted that.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 9|Vanessa IRC Chat IX]]</ref>
* Chris once drew [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], a male character, on his duck.
* During their correspondence, [[Jackie]] told Chris she was curious about anal sex.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 5]]</ref> Instead of taking it to mean she wished to be penetrated from behind (as most men would have understood it), Chris thought she wanted to use a strap-on/anal bead on him and said he would comply. In her next email, Jackie clarified her intentions but said she was open to the prospect of being the penetrative partner,<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref> leading a jubilant Chris to discuss his past anal experiences in detail.
* According to [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|receipts]] uncovered by trolls, Chris specifically asked for anal beads as a gift with an order of pornography. Chris, however, lied, claiming that the anal beads as well as a vibrator were sent to him as a gift with an order of straight pornography; he did not ask for them or pay for them. Chris kept said vibrator around for months.
* In the [[Chris Sex Logs|sex logs]], Chris shows off a dildo to [[PandaHalo]]. He immediately suggests the phallic sex toy is something that [[Sex_Logs#This_is_my_dildo|goes up your butt]], and then immediately denies it's been up his butt. He also says having a dildo in your butt "will feel good."
* His absolute revulsion to seeing other men's penises. If Chris was truly straight, he would not be uncomfortable seeing other men's penises because he would have no interest in them sexually.
* On [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|5 February 2009]], Chris posted two videos stating that he was coming out of the closet as a [[gaybian]]. He later issued a retraction, which was far less persuasive.
* When negotiating for the safe return of his PSN account from [[BlueSpike#Max|Max]], Chris was given the choice of burning his [[medallion]] or shoving it up his ass. Chris immediately chose to shove it up his ass.
* When Julie finally revealed herself as a [[pedofork|13 year old boy]], Chris's immediate response was "I did not know you were a 13 year old!" making it sound like he's shocked by the age but not the least bit concerned about the fact that he's a boy.
* Chris thought a straight woman would be turned on by [[Nudes|close-up pictures of his buttcheeks and anus]], not that anybody of any orientation would find it erotic.
* The [[Belt Buckle of Fail]] is pink.
* He owns a set of [[Anime Wings]], which are essentially hair clips, which are essentially women's fashion accessories.
* His best man at [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|his wedding]] is [[Sarah Hammer]] in drag.
* He sang "I Love the Nightlife" on his [[Chris's Big Night Out|visit to a local bar/restaurant]], which is popular at gay clubs and drag revues.
* [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|''Christian and the Hedgehog Boys'']] features two covers of the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]], one of a [[Britney Spears]] song, and one of a [[Wikipedia:Ricky Martin|Ricky Martin]] song. This music was popular among thirteen-year-old girls when it was new and is popular among the gay community today.
* Chris wears a [[bra]]. In fairness, he uses it to [[Fridays After Five|try to attract women]].
* He [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|implores men to wear bras]] because looking at shirtless men makes Chris uncomfortable,<ref>[[Mailbag 55#On brassieres|Mailbag 55]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian_fun.21|Mailbag #55]]</ref> possibly arousing latent homosexual urges.
* When you look up "Homosexuality" at the CWCipedia, you ''literally'' see his own portrait (as shown on the screencap at the top of this section).
* In the [[PS3 History Level]] video, he showed that he owns a copy of the first ''[[Wikipedia:Sex and the City (film)|Sex and the City]]'' movie when he showcased his then-current collection of [[PS3]] games and movies.
* In his response to a letter in [[Mailbag 4]] about "impure" homoerotic thoughts, Chris confesses that he "[has] had this problem too," and has to resort to deleting them through a curious process that involves dropping the thoughts into his stomach acid, lest the gay gene take its toll.
* Chris reacts to [[Alec Benson Leary]]'s ''[[Asperchu]]'' comics by giving all the characters a [[Wikipedia:Queer Eye|free makeover]].
* In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris donates some of his "straight blood" to doctors in the future so that they could make a vaccine against homosexuality. Vaccines are made from the virus, implying that Chris is "infected" with homosexuality if his blood could be used to make a vaccine.
* One of Chris's ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' vehicles is called "A Man's Toy", which is a light blue carriage with [[rainbow]] lollipop wheels and a message that says "Tea parties are good and nice" on the rear end of the carriage.<ref>http://community.modnation.com/en-us/players/Sonichu/creations/1296110</ref>
* In the guise of his trollsona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris used [[Trollin Train]] to go into far more detail than was necessary about a supposed homosexual encounter, describing various acts with a relish out of place for someone who claims to be disgusted by the mere thought of a duck.
* In the above same Trollin Train post, he mentioned achieving comeuppance before vomiting, indicating he had an erection, and thus was sexually aroused from being sodomized by a man.
* He made a drawing of [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy]] [[:File:Punchylaylalove.jpg|wearing panties and a bra]].
* He also made a [[:File:SchuSoneeRosey.jpg|drawing]] of a [[Sonee & Rosey|Sonee and a Rosee]] in which the hairless spot on the Rosee's abdomen looks suspiciously like an erect penis.
* The [[Scrapbook of Fail]] contains a [[:File:115-CWCEmbarassed.jpg|self portrait of Chris]] as the ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' character [http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Dark_Magician_Girl Dark Magician Girl].
* He voluntarily dressed up as a woman, went out in public and used [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|the woman's washroom]]. While not all cross-dressers are homosexuals and vice-versa, men who are afraid of being seen as a homosexual generally do not take a disturbing amount of pride in cross-dressing in public. When Bob learned of Chris's antics, his immediate response was to call him a "fag".
* On 29 April 2012, Chris 'reveals' that the gay camp experience story he made up as [[JenkinsJinkies]] was a fake. Aside from the fact that [[Naive|absolutely nobody fell for this at all]], it does leave this question: Out of all of the stories that Chris could have made up under a fake identity, why did he go with one where he gets sodomized at [[Pedofork|seven]]?
* [[It's not that cold]] shows Chris infamously saying, "Would you fuck me, 789chan? I'd fuck me." Take note that Chris is dressed in a mini-skirt and hikes it up to reveal his grotesque man ass at the camera, indicating that he'd like to be taken from behind, all in an attempt to re-enact ''The Silence of the Lambs''.
* Whenever anyone calls Chris out on his [[Women's rights|objectification of women's bodies]], he is always quick to back-pedal and say he appreciates women more for their personalities, unaware that personalities are the key reason for relationships between gay men and their female friends.
* Chris created a modified version of the song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from ''The Boondocks'' called "Don't Trust Any Homos Over There". However, the character who sings the original song is Uncle Ruckus, a self-loathing black man. This makes Chris look like a self-loathing homosexual.
* The fact that he thinks that ''staring at a poster'' will keep himself straight implies he has homosexual thoughts and fantasies that he wants to keep in check. The irony of the fact that he thinks staring hard enough at a poster of Sailor Moon, a gay icon, will magically suppress these homoerotic urges is lost on him.
* After [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] became Chris's equal and opposite as the result of the latter's brief immersion in the [[Dark Mirror Hole]], he turned openly gay. One would think that this logically means Chris is straight, except for the fact that it's made clear that the two differ only in their openness, not their homosexuality.
* Chris posted an absurd "riddle" on [[Facebook#The_Riddle|Facebook]] containing random pictures, containing Mark Cuban, lemon cake, Delaware Blue Hens and the Sphinx. It's worth noting that [http://i.imgur.com/oKAtnAo.jpg Mark Cuban] is gay, lemon cake is often dyed rainbow in [http://i.imgur.com/qy1U14g.jpggay pride festivals], Delaware is one of the only states to uphold [http://i.imgur.com/YVAnfl9.jpg gay marriage], hens often exhibit homosexuality, and there's a game called [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gay%20chicken Gay Chicken], and the sphinx is also a breed of cat. A breed of cat that's [http://i.imgur.com/uBwdEdz.jpg really gay].
* In 2012, Chris signed in the [[CWCki Forums]] as "paintingatree". The term "Painting The Tree" is [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Painting%20the%20tree act slang for oral sex], which may refer to his duck.
* Chris posted a picture on [[Facebook#I_got_new_shoes|Facebook]] showing his new shoes. Note the gay pink laces and it looks like sneakers worn for women.
* Chris posted a pointless picture on [[Facebook#One Eyebrow|Facebook]], showing his eyebrow. Note that it's '''eyebrow''' and not '''eyebrows''', as [http://www.discodamaged.com/2010/12/lesbians-to-grown-on-eyebrow.html lesbians are proposing to grow one eyebrow on Decembrow].
* Chris pierced his right ear (twice), a common, albeit dated, code for homosexuality--"Left ear buccaneer, right ear queer."
* Chris wrote a [[February_2014_Facebook_Posts#Tabitha_St._Germaine|Facebook post]] comparing Tabitha St. Germain, the voice actress of Rarity from ''My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'' (among many others), to gay icon Judy Garland.
* Attempting to prove that [[Christopher's name change|Christopher]] is a separate identity, Chris favorited and commented on a number of gay [[pedofork]] [[anime]]s on [[YouTube]].<ref>[[:File:Recent Activity.jpg]]</ref>
* In his August 2014 Facebook posts, Chris identified himself as a 'tranny' and a 'Ho Mo' ''(for the ladies, [[Chris_and_English|according to him]])'', placed a marriage equality support symbol on his page's banner, and spoke about women being "supportive" of his choices. He's blissfully unaware (or ''outright doesn't care'') that all of this makes him look like he's come out of the closet. Not to mention, he calls himself a derogatory term for transsexuals.
* He [[October_2014_Facebook_Posts#Chris_hits_up_a_gay_bar_.28seriously.29|went to a gay bar on Halloween 2014]].
* He is a member of the local [https://www.facebook.com/groups/eventsatimpuslegsc gay club] on facebook.
* He once glitterbombed Sega. Glitterbombing was started by the gay community as a way to protest opponents of gay marriage.
* His [[26 December 2014|can of mace]] is colored pink.
* He posted a story on [[Facebook]] about him as [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] having sex with [[Magi-chan]] and getting pregnant.
* The tote bag he used at [[OmegaCon]] had a marriage equality logo and the words "TOTES GAY" written in bold capitals on it.
* In his [[Twelve New and Old Things of Christmas]] video, his song mentions how his true love had given him "drag kings, and the transmales that have "not" have the operation change yet".

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Homosexuality}}

* [[Chris and religion]]
* [[Chris and sex]]
* [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
* [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]
* [[Gay 4 Sonichu]]
* [[Gaybian]] (a "male lesbian", according to Chris)
* [[Heather Iglesias]]
* [[It's UGH!]]
* [[Magi-Chan]]
* [[Rainbow]]
* [[Reldnahc Naitsirhc]]
* [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]
* [[Tomgirl]]

==Sources==
<references/>

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Homos]]

Chris and fashion

2017-03-24T18:20:08Z

Largo best: /* Wardrobe */ clarified link

{{Articleofthenow}}
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[[Image:0043-YoungChristopher2.jpg|thumb|Fashion passes. Style is forever.]]
[[File:GoodwillCville.jpg|thumb|200px|The [[Ruckersville]] Goodwill which Chris patronizes.]]
{{Quote|Oh yeah, you just love to see me in my- in the old red, white and blue.|Chris to [[Kacey]]<ref>[[Kacey Call 2]]g</ref>}}

[[Christian Weston Chandler]] has a somewhat peculiar taste in '''fashion'''. Although he is willing to [[Chris and money|spend thousands of dollars]] on [[video games]], [[toys]], and [[sex dolls]], Chris is very stingy when it comes to shopping for his clothes, which are usually purchased secondhand at thrift stores like [[Wikipedia:Salvation Army|The Salvation Army]] and [[Wikipedia:Goodwill Industries|Goodwill]]. Prior to the [[Tomgirl Saga]], the majority of shirts he owned were colorful collared shirts and undersized rugby shirts, most of which were decorated with horizontal stripes, making him look even [[Obesity|fatter]]. [[Mailbag 42#The rugby shirt he wore for 3 days in a row isn't a favorite or anything|Mailbag 42]] revealed that at least one of these shirts (the "Advice Dog") was purchased by his [[Barbara Chandler|mother]]. Though his mother didn't directly dress him anymore, Chris still chose to wear these shirts. The advent of the [[Tomgirl Saga]] was accompanied by a change to garb that may have been more feminine, but was equally cheap and hideous.

== The Fashion Sense of Chris (Pre-Tomgirl)==
=== Childhood ===
[[Image:Ernie.jpg|thumb|Ernie also enjoys "The Classic".]]

In his youth, Chris set the general tone for years to come with many striped polos, T-shirts, and khaki pants. The only difference compared to adulthood is that he sometimes dared to wear single-colored shirts with his favorite [[Sonic the Hedgehog|game]] and [[television]] characters on them. The only article of clothing he was seen in until the summer of [[2010]] that didn't follow the "long-sleeved, colorful clown suit" theme was the [[Pokémon]] T-shirt that he owned since he was 19. Being yellow, it did not look particularly good on him.

=== Trademark clothing ===
[[File:Chrischan5.jpg|thumb|left|Artist's vision of Chris's typical outfit, featuring "the Horizontal Horror".]]

This is the original and most iconic look of Chris, the standard until mid-2011. It is a look immortalized in his [[Sonichu (comic)|comic book]] self-insertion. His outfit usually consisted of:
* His favorite shirt, a [[Chris and brand loyalty|St. John's Bay®]] Rugby Stripe Sueded Polo, which was so tight that it accentuated his voluptuous, masculine bosoms. This is the shirt that Chris almost invariably drew himself wearing in the comics. Trolls came to call it the "clown shirt" or "The Classic." It was destroyed in the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|2014 fire]] that gutted the Chandler house.<ref>[[eBay]] comment: "I lost the shirt in the fire" http://contact.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ShowAllQuestions&iid=191232666489&requested=jesusguidesme2&redirect=0&frm=2047675&ShowASQAlways=1&ssPageName=PageAskSellerQuestion_VI</ref>
* His [[medallions]] (sporadically) and his [[High School Ring]]
* A pair of [[pedo-glasses]] attached to a chain.
* Jeans or khaki slacks. Chris's jeans typically defined his rear end to a disturbing level — he may have been wearing women's jeans, or he may have been simply wearing pants his gut long ago outgrew.
* The [[Belt Buckle of Fail]].
* Alternatively, a green terrycloth bathrobe with a mismatched (of course) black belt on occasions when he's [[April 16 Fetish Vids|in the mood]] for [[recycling]], or when even getting dressed would involve too much [[stress]].
* On occasion, a dark suit jacket, perhaps for [[Chris and death|funerals]] or [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]].
* During the winter months, a dark blue parka with orange and yellow stripes to enhance visibility.
* Starting in late [[2009]], a [[bra]] to keep the previously mentioned bosoms in check.

===The "IBA" outfit===
[[File:The Chronicles Of Chris-Chan- They see me trollin, they laughin'... -7-17-09-.mp4 20140516 130015.190.jpg|thumb|The "IBA" outfit.]]
In mid-[[2009#June|June 2009]], roughly around the time he made certain friends, Chris temporarily decided that his current look was old hat. He got rid of many of the striped shirts (mostly because he couldn't fit into them anymore) and grew a goatee.

The reformed Chris's wardrobe consisted of:

*Sunglasses over normal glasses (glasses chain remains)
*T-shirt over long sleeved shirt.
*Goatee.
*Tattoo sleeves
*A black vest that was too small for his girth.

His new attire was first properly presented to the world in the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video.

Soon afterward, however, he went back to sporting his traditional clown shirts, and claimed that he had been pressured into making the Rollin' and Trollin' video. However, on the same day he [[That Goatee WILL Grow Back|shaved his beard]], he drew the first picture of [[Collosal Chan]], a character which preserved the look for all eternity.

===The "Gay Trucker" outfit===

[[Image:Personalprofile.jpg|thumb|Notice how his pose in this picture is eerily reminiscent of his pose in [[ShecameforCWC.jpg]].]]

After he promised to leave the [[Internet]] in the spring of [[2010]], Chris threw away his clown shirts, ditched the medallion for several months (it returned in [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|September]]), and picked up a new wardrobe in an attempt to look like a normal person. This included a denim jacket from Goodwill that he cut the sleeves off of, making it look somewhat like a [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gilet gilet].<ref>[[Kacey Call 2]]</ref> The result was a modified version of the IBA outfit. It has been observed that when Chris tries to look like a bad boy, he ends up looking like a [[Truck Driver|gay trucker]], hence the trolls' term for his new wardrobe.

The only way he could have made it look gayer would have been by combining it with his muscle bra. Which, unfortunately, he did. [[Fridays After Five|And in public.]] At this point, going back to the medallion would have actually ''improved'' his chances of picking up [[gal-pals]].

[[File:EnjoyVagaina.jpg|thumb|left|Deftly combining what Chris [[Coke|has too much of]] and what he [[China|will never have]] [[Facebook#An Open Note (4/13/2012)|with a non-prostitute]].]]

With the arrival of the gay trucker outfit also came an interest in T-shirts that boldly expressed Chris's desire for sex, often in exceedingly tasteless ways. The first clear look at one of these shirts was in a [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|profoundly disturbing video]] leaked in late [[April 2010]] which featured Chris wearing a [[parody]] shirt that changed the Mountain Dew logo so it read "Mount and Do Me." Fans hoped that since this was a private video for a potential sweetheart, Chris didn't intend to dress like that outside his [[bedroom]]. Alas, Chris destroyed any hope of that being the case on 18 [[June 2010]] when he wore a shirt that said "Enjoy Vagina" to Fridays After Five - a '''public, ''family-oriented''''' concert. He topped this by pulling that shirt over his head and standing around in his muscle bra, on which he had written "WANT WOMAN!" The common belief is that these unfunny, sexually-themed shirts are the next evolution of the [[attraction sign]], a way for him to inform potential mates that he is available without ever having to talk to people, nor spend any effort in making a sign.

In late [[August 2010]], Chris returned to the Internet with a series of videos in which he sported simple, loose-fitting T-shirts. The effect was interesting, bringing him closer to normality than he'd been in many years. He was still a pale, sweaty, balding, fat, pathetically weak manchild, but in Ruckersville, that put him reasonably close to the mainstream.

A number of Chris's T-shirts appear to have been with him for a decade or more--a Manchester High shirt, a souvenir shirt from the BrickFest event in [[2000]], and a [[Pokémon]] trainer shirt from the Books-a-Million where Chris played [[card games]] between [[1998]] and 2000. Either he's willing to keep shirts that have some personal significance around for a very long time, or his packrat tendencies prevent him from throwing any of them away.
{{clear}}

===The [[Carlos Chantor]] outfit===
[[File:Chantor.jpg|thumb|His best outfit yet. Too bad it did not last.]]

A single picture of Chris posing as a male prostitute was posted on Escorts.com. It is significant because it implies that Chris can dress like a normal human being if he wants to remain inconspicuous.

The black shirt and sunglasses he is wearing are never seen in any later pictures.
{{clear}}

==Chris's Tomgirl Fashion Sense==
===Early Tomgirl Fashion===
[[Image:TG19.jpg|thumb|He made himself into a [[sweetheart from the ground-up]].]]

{{main|Tomgirl Saga}}

In [[April 2011]], a series of leaked pictures showed Chris dressed in women's clothing in public. This outfit consisted of:

* Bright green nail polish
* Earrings (a purple glass stud and a blue ring) - Note that piercing the right ear is traditionally code for [[Homos|homosexuality]]; guess which one Chris pierced twice?
* Women's sandals
* Blue eye shadow
* Jeans
* Blue string top
* Black thong
* A silver ring (Note that silver rings have been used to symbolize a pledge of [[F Abstinence|abstinence]] until [[Lovely Weather|marriage]])<ref>[[:File:TG6.jpg]] - Chris-Tran with his new silver ring</ref><ref>[http://www.silverringthing.com/ silverringthing.com]</ref>
* A red and blue sweater vest (tank top) with a red shirt underneath it
* Red lipstick
* A new pair of [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]]
* A new head-band (as seen in the [[Facebook]] pictures)

[[File:TG10.jpg|thumb|left|Would you fuck me? [[It's not that cold|I'd fuck me]]. I'd fuck me HARD.]]

While not seen in the leaked images, Chris's posts in [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] revealed he also donned skirts and panties as part of his new look.<ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=20&p=162#p162 Re: Girly Things Tee Hee]</ref><ref>[http://tomboytomgirls.44.forumer.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=39&p=315#p315 Re: Mothers]</ref> In [[September 2011]], Chris was also photographed carrying a purse.

Chris was very happy with his new fashion choices, but friction with his parents made it difficult for him to wear makeup and women's clothing overtly. Sometimes he had to change after leaving the house or before returning (but he could always wear a bra and panties).<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 25]]</ref>

[[File:Chris_at_a_gay_bar.jpg|thumb|left|A hemline this high leaves little to the imagination.]]

===Late Tomgirl Fashion===
[[File:CWC1214.png|thumb|150px|Chris in December 2014.]]
Chris's tomgirl antics have continued into [[2015]], but with some refinements of his style in the past couple years. Although he has long since dispensed with the clownish polo shirts and jeans, many characteristics of his tomgirl wardrobe are remarkably consistent with the way he dressed when he still wore men's clothing, especially in terms of color coordination and clothing size. He also remains committed to buying all his clothes from thrift stores, giving him the appearance of a dumpy bag lady. He summarized his style in [[November 2014]] as "colored leggings, denim skirts mini to knee length, bold colored shirts and blouses."<ref>[[Commissions#The Flufflehugs Commissions]]</ref> Some of the most frequent themes in his feminine fashion choices are:

* Clashing, violently-opposed colors (particularly red with blue or green)
* Clothing far too small for him
* Dresses or skirts with very high hems
* Leggings, to help with tucking
* Sports bras
* Omission of glasses, possibly due to contact lenses
* Big, floppy, church-lady hats
* Eye makeup, applied poorly and usually purple or blue in color

A deviation from this style was seen in the video of the [[26 December 2014]] incident, where Chris is shown in purple [[My Little Pony]] shades, (probably as a [[Honor roll|disguise]]); a silver headband, showing off his ever-receding [[hair|hairline]]; his Manchester High sweatshirt; short jeans matched with long, purple socks and/or [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|another pair of pants]]; and boots (possibly Uggs).

The fact that Chris wore skirts and makeup for each of his court hearings in 2015, even those to which [[Barb]] accompanied him, suggests that he consistently dresses this way in public, and that his mother has come to grudgingly accept her son's transgender attire.

In 2015, Chris also started dying his hair blue, but predictably failed to do it properly, and ended up dying it an ugly, seaweed green instead. Combined with his wardrobe that manages to somehow simultaneously resemble the attire of a [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|5 year old girl]] and a [[Barb|65 year old cat lady]], the resulting look has been sardonically referred to by Kiwis as "mermaid grandma".
{{clear}}

==Chris, on fashion==
In [[November 2016]], Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Women should wear skirts|posted]] a commentary on women's fashion.

In it, Chris implored women to wear skirts with leggings instead of pants, saying to "view it from [[Attraction Sign|a pervert's perception]]: they eye downward and have Good view of the in-between, as well as easier access to picture it in their imaginations from there. With a dress or skirt concealing the area, it is actually More difficult for the perv, and, thus, more difficult to picture and imagine what is or isn't at the [[China|groin area]]."

He also requested men to consider wearing kilts - stressing to wear pants underneath, saying, "NOBODY is impressed with that [[Pickle|bulge]]; moreover it is Absolutely Offensive," which indicates that Chris has shifted from [[Brassieres For Males|obsessing over men's chests]] to obsessing over their crotches.

==Theory of fashion==
The clothes that Christian chooses seem almost like a costume for him, especially his infamous striped shirt. Given that he is autistic, observers speculate that he may have difficulty with identifying things visually, including himself. In [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], he alluded to having to take time to study his appearance in a mirror, possibly wearing the shirt in question. In any case, Chris seems to regard his clothing as an integral part of his identity in the same way that [[trolls]] do.

==Wardrobe==
Below is a gallery of most of Chris's wardrobe, prior to the Tomgirl Saga, along with links to the videos they appeared in:
<center>
<gallery>
Image:Christshirt1.png|"The Classic" [[So Need a Cute Girl|1]] [[Harvey Birdman Commercial|2]] [[Pixelated PS3|3]] [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|4]] [[CWC is Angry|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 27th, 2008|6]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 18th, 2009|7]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 19th, 2009|8]] [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|9]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|10]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2009|11]] [[SingStar_Challenge#Watch|12]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 1|13]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 4|14]] [[Show RESPECT to me, "C"CWC|15]] [[Sign Destruction Video|16]] [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation|17]]
Image:Christshirt4.png|"The Advice Dog" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 24th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate Columbus Day, 2008|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 6th, 2009|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009|4]] [[12 January 2010|5]] [[14 January 2010|6]] [[What's the Name, Christian Chandler, C H R I S C H A N|7]] [[15 January 2010|8]] [[U8C43P2A37A8 y U8C1N023V0L|9]]
Image:Christshirt3.png|"[[Liquid Chris|The Impostor]]" [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 9th, 2008|1]] [[Chop Chop Onion's Rap Showdown|2]]
Image:Christshirt5.png|"The Napoleon" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 17th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 4th, 2009|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|3]] [[Challenge for Clyde II|4]] [[15 October 2009|5]] [[9 December 2009|6]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|7]] [[22 January 2010|8]] [[I am Alive|9]] [[100 2269|10]] [[A Hike|11]]
Image:Christshirt6.png|"The Racing Stripe" [[I am STRAIGHT|1]] [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|2]] [[Congrats, Jack Black|3]] [[ECV 00002|4]] [[100 2278|5]]
Image:Christshirt7.png| "The Power Ranger" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008|1]] [[CCWC's Final Warning to the Second CWC|2]] [[LOOK at the truth!|3]]
Image:Christshirt8.png| "The Dunwich Horror" [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 12th, 2009|1]] [[More for the crabs|2]] [[ECV 00081|3]] [[Bunny Hop|4]] [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5]] [[CWC address to Royal Board|6]] [[Address to Mao, the S.O.B.|7]] [[Apologies to Alec and Evan|8]]
Image:Christshirt10.png|"The Two-Face" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 23rd, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 3rd, 2009|2]] [[Wigwam|3]] [[WeighIn|4]]
Image:Christshirt11a.png|"The Poké-Master" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 6th, 2008|1]] [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt12.png|"The Horizontal Horror" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 8th, 2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt13a.png|"The Jerkop" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 13th, 2008|1]] [[CWC Music Video Holding Out For a Hero|2]]
Image:Christshirt14.png|"The Greasy Flag" [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 6th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 9th, 2009|2]] [[I am devoted to My Sweetest Ivy|3]] [[Matthew 5 27, CWC Confessions|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 17th, 2009|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate May 22nd, 2009|6]] [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts|7]] [[9 October 2009|8]] [[Warning - Naughty Women ;)|9]] [[Old Time Rock and Roll on Shredwud|10]] [[Brutal Legend|11]] [[3 December 2009|12]]
Image:Christshirt18.png|"The Star Fleet Captain" [[CWC More Than A Feeling|1]]
Image:Christshirt17.png|"The Scuderia Autistirarri" [[Chris's Big Night Out|1]] [[10 September 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt19.png|"The Flag-Waving Patriot" [[Chris Destroys His Vibrator|1]] [[A CWC Audition|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate April 28th, 2009|3]] [[CWC only accepts IN-PERSON FEMALE Encounters|4]] [[Challenge for Clyde|5]] [[Brutal Legend Plus|6]] [[For_Chris#IBA.27s_video|7]] [[IPods Down and Listen Up|8]] [[Hello, Juffalo|9]] [[9 February 2010|10]]
Image:Christshirt20.png|"The Captain Falcon" [[Down with Asperchu|1]] [[CWC Update 18 March 2009 More Updated|2]] [[F Abstinance|3]]
Image:Christshirt21.png|"The DangerStripe" [[Chris Sings Fart Song for Flora|1]] [[CWC is Sad|2]] [[Address to my CWCipedia SysOP|3]] [[This was my fault|4]] [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|5]]
Image:Christshirt22.png|"The Cyclone Joker" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 21st, 2009|1]] [[CWC Callout for Miss Emily and Stephanie|2]] [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|3]] [[A message to the Trolls|4]] [[Don't Mess With Me|5]]
Image:ChrisShirt43.png|"The Swamp Monster" [[Captain's Log, Stardate December 20th, 2009|1]] [[I like Mary Poppins|2]] [[DayOut|3]] [[FullHouse|4]] [[100 2357.MOV|5]]
Image:Christshirt23.png|"The Traffic Light" [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement|1]] [[A Sonichu Day|2]] [[Shout out to Fans in Hospital|3]] [[To Clyde and Jack.MOV|4]] [[Kill De Jack|5]]
Image:ChristshirtPoke.png|"The Manchild" [[Chris dispels videogame rumors|1]] [[Magical Man Potion|2]] [[ItIsFinished.MOV|3]] [[Haters Gonna Hate.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt28.png|"The Rugby of Shame" [[Christian's Update 11 September 2008|1]]
Image:Parappashirt.png|"The [[PaRappa the Rapper|PaRappa]] Shirt" [[51 50|1]]
Image:Christshirt42.png|"The Statesmen" [[10252009 For Kacey|1]] [[To Clyde Gregg|2]] [[For Chris II|3]]
Image:sportsbra.png|"The [[Muscle bra|Muscle Bra]]" [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|1]] [[100 2265|2]] [[ECV 00001|3]] [[Pregnant Act|4]]
Image:sportsbra2.png|"The Muscle Bra 2" [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|1]] [[WelcometoBollywood|2]]
Image:Christshirt27.png|"The Dirty Dashiki" [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 8th, 2008|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 16th, 2009|2]] [[CWC to Mr. Miyamoto-san|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 4th, 2009|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 26th, 2009|5]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate March 27th, 2009|6]] [[Challenge for Clyde II|7]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|8]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|9]] [[Asperchu is a Horrendous Joke|10]] [[I am Alive|11]]
Image:Christshirt37.png|"The [[Homos|Mount and Do Me]]" [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|1]]
Image:Christshirt25.png|"The [[Duck]]ie Shirt" [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|1]] [[Secret Weapon|2]] [[YouTube Finale|3]] [[SingStar Challenge Round 5|4]]
Image:Christshirt26.png|"The Shamrock Shake" [[An Official Sonichu Update|1]] [[Sonichu Game Talk|2]] [[Bless the Fans, Curse the Trolls|3]]
Image:Christshirt29.png|"The Shamrock Stripes" [[Chris Sex Videos|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate July 7th, 2009|2]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 12th, 2009|3]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 13th, 2009|4]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate August 20th, 2009|5]] [[Clyde Cash the kid video|6]] [[Lars Is Jivin'.MP4|7]]
Image:Christshirt31.png|"The Burgundy Nightmare" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 8th, 2009|1]]
Image:Christshirt32.png|"The Burgundy Nightmare Redux" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 15th, 2009|1]] [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|2]]
Image:Christshirt33.png|"The Bumblebee" [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 26th, 2009|1]] [[Captain's Log, Stardate February 18th, 2009|2]]
Image:Christshirt35.png|"The Intimidator" [[Chris Calls Clyde Out|1]] [[I Love You Kacey|2]] [[10242009|3]] [[29 January 2010|4]] [[C-Ya Later|5]] [[Cleveland Show Voice Rant|6]] [[Pregnant Act#The Remake|7]]
Image:Christshirt38.png|"The [[Rainbow]] Flag" [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|1]]
Image:Christshirt30.png|"The Big Green" [[We're Being Watched|1]] [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|2]]
Image:Christshirt41.png|"The White Trash" [[Captain's Log, Stardate September 29th, 2009|1]] [[War Paint Video|2]] [[Some Favored Comedians|3]] [[Lars' Ship has Sunk.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt45.png|"The Happy Jack" [[CWC Dare|1]] [[June062010.MOV|2]] [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|3]] [[XBox is OK.MOV|4]]
Image:Christshirt46.png|"The Bordeaux Butcher" [[Apology to Emily|1]]
Image:Christshirt40.png|"The Ivory Poacher" [[25 September 2009|1]]
Image:ManchesterSweaterFixed.png|"The Manly Chester" [[I Love You, Catherine|1]] [[26_December_2014#Video|2]]
</gallery>
</center>

==Cross-dressing Boutique==
Chris has ditched the clown shirts, instead opting for an arguably worse wardrobe, see below:
<center>
<gallery>
Image:The Clopper.PNG|"The Clopper" [[Paid Video Requests#Josh Lover of men|1]] [[Paid Video Requests#Copypasta: Sexual Helicopter|2]] [[Paid Video Requests#Happy Birthday, Nathan.|3]]
Image:White tomgirl with Heart design.png|"The Shattered Heart" [[Announcement 06292016|1]] [[Unicorns Rainbows and a Bluebird of Happiness Chapter 3|2]] [[Rainbows Unicorns and a Bluebird of Happiness Chapter 4|3]] [[August 2016 Paid Video Requests#Singing "All of the Lights"|4]]
Image:imdoneadulting.png|"The Broken Brony" (bought for $23.99)<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/screenshot-www-facebook-com-2016-10-03-14-31-36-png.141291/</ref>
 [[The_Alpha_Trion/"Young_Warrior"_Challenge|1]]
Image:thepromoter.png|"The Promoter" [[Update_02/16/2016|1]]
Image:sonicrainboom.png|"The Sonic Rainboom" [[Holiday_Greetings_to_Karen_Riley|1]]
Image:thehappyhag.png|"The Happy Hag" [[Update_01/12/2016|1]] [[Apologies_for_offending_people|2]] [[Doxing_Jeff/Francine|3]] [[Eid,_Pmurt,_Eid|4]] [[Embargo_Update_12/2/2015|5]] [[HELP,_PLEASE!!!|7]] [[GameStop_is_UNFAIR_to_Everyone;_Not_Just_Me!|6]] [[Happy_Birthday,_Martin.|8]] [[Happy_Pokémon_Day.|9]] [[HelloLadyFans|10]] [[I%27m_sick;_we_need_money_donations;_no_video_requests_for_a_while|11]] [[I_Am_me;_He_is_not|12]] [[Jeff_is_Beyond_Denounced.|13]] [[Lesbian_Sleepover_Party_Announcement.|14]] [[Lesbian_Sleepover_Party_Announcement.|15]] [[Reading:_"A_Girl_Who_Brought_Down_the_World",_"And_Apparently_Survived_a_Housefire"|16]] [[September_2016_Paid_Video_Requests|17]] [[Thank_You_from_Christine_Chandler|18]] [[Twelve_New_and_Old_Things_of_Christmas|19]] [[Update,_1/22/2016,_and_new_items_for_Cwcville_Shopping.|20]] [[Update_01/12/2016|21]] [[Update_1/25/2016|22]] [[Yes,_it_still_has_been_I,_Christine_Weston_Chandler,_who_has_been_uploading_the_videos_personally.|23]]
Image:thedealmaker.png|"The Deal Maker" [[Proposition_to_Sega|1]] [[Announcement_04/16/2016|2]]

</gallery>
</center>

{{Illustrations}}

==Other aspects of his Fashion sense==
===Wrist warmer===
[[Image:Wrist Warmer.jpg|thumb|Wrist warmer]]

{{quote|Yes, it is a part of my necklace; it's a "[[Wikipedia:Wilson Sporting Goods|Wilson]]" wrist-warmer I use to cover the discomfort of the number of Links back there.|Chris<ref>Email from Chris posted in old [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)|PVCC]] thread 162</ref>{{PublicSource}}}}

Chris likely wears this article to counter [[Wikipedia:Sensory defensiveness|sensory defensiveness]], a condition common among autistics, in which a normally harmless sensation directly triggers a fight-or-flight reaction.

===Fanny pack===
[[Image:0226-ChristianWMrsSanford.jpg|thumb|left|Chris and [[Virginia Jeanine Sanford|Mrs. Sanford]].]]
[[Image:0565-CWCKellieGrads.jpg|thumb|Chris with [[Kellie Andes]]. Chris would have, for the first time in his life, looked like he dressed sharp, if it wasn't for the fanny pack. Note the award that Kellie is holding.]]

A fanny pack (known as a "bum bag" in the British Commonwealth) is a small fabric pouch secured with a zipper and worn by use of a strap around the hips or waist. Fanny packs reached the peak of their popularity in the late 1980s and early-to-mid 1990s, and have since been considered to be a fashion faux pas.<ref>http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/beauty/once-reviled-fanny-packs-get-a-high-fashion-makeover-and-an-even-higher-pricetag-2452640#photoViewer=1</ref> Naturally, Chris wore them throughout the 1990s and 2000s.

===Cosplaying===
{{main|Chris and cosplaying}}
{{clear}}

== Sources ==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

Trolls

2017-03-24T18:07:36Z

Largo best: changed link from c&money to financhu crisis

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|...[T]hey are vicious, crazy, wickedly smart people.|[[Chris]] on trolls.<ref>[[Tomboys_And_Tomgirls_of_Virginia#Friendship_Issues|Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]</ref>}}
{{quote|What a world we live in, with such trolls in it.|[[Bubbles]], in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].}}[[Image:REALChrisChanAndFriends.jpg|center]]
[[Image:Faceless Trolls.png|thumb|120px|The Furies]]
[[Image:Ff7troll.png|thumb|300px|Now for the [[HEXBox]].]]

'''Trolls''' (numbered about eight billion strong) are various individuals of all races, colors, and creeds united under a common goal - to ruin the [[Chris and the Internet|Internet]]'s most beloved and most hated [[autism|autistic]] manchild, [[Christian Weston Chandler]].

Trolling schemes by these individuals have ranged from hacking CWC's websites, making him take [[Nudes|pictures of himself unclothed]], and more.

==Pre-ED==
It is notable that Chris was bullied in real life before his discovery by [[4-cent garbage.com|4chan]] and [[ED]]. It can be argued that the first known torment of Chris occurred when his lifelong-friend-who-no-longer-speaks-to-him, [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]], [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Memories of childhood|locked him under the house]] when they were children. The next notable bullying occurred during the infamous mini-date with [[Hanna]] in [[2005]] which smashed his [[heart level]] to 15%. Around the same time, he was also trolled by a girl he contacted through [[MySpace]] named [[MySpace messages#Lindsay|Lindsay Kaye]]. There was also possible trolling of Chris through the guestbook on his website from as early as [[2003]], when "a hot redhead" said that she would meet him outside of [[PVCC]] (either this was epic trolling, or Chris put it on the guestbook himself). And let's not forget about [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[The GAMe PLACe]] hijinks.

But this was all child's play compared to what happened next....

== The Few, the Proud, the Elite ==

===Asperpedia Four===
Includes Alec Benson Leary (the creator of ''[[Asperchu]]''), [[Evan Christopher George]] (the creator of ''Simonchu'', and therefore [[Simonla]]), Sean August Watley (the creator of ''[[Moon-Pals]]''), and Mao Ling (the creator of the Asperpedia, which brought them all together).

[[Image:SirWilliamMaysOBE.jpg|left|80px|thumb|BILLY MAYS]]

=== [[BILLY MAYS]] ===
The individual who trolls as the loud-mouthed salesman of the same name, who types in ALL CAPS, and was declared the mayor of [[CWCville]] by Chris on 3 March 2009 while under pressure from [[BlueSpike#Max|Max]]. It is widely suspected that Chris himself had something to do with his untimely [[Chris and death|death]].

=== [[Blanca Weiss]] ===
[[Image:Blanka.jpg|80px|thumb|Blanca's true identity.]]

"Blanca" was really a trio of trolls (RickyRicardo123, Ickeriss69, and Nurse Icky-chan) who tricked Chris into sending them nudes, and later his [[Medallions of Fail|Sonichu medallion]]. Ickeriss later uploaded a couple of [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzlUoAOpiak videos] featuring the Sonichu medallion, including a video in which the medallion is destroyed.

Not to be confused with [[Trolls#Lordsillynipples|LordSillyNipples]], who used the Blanca identity to score the first nudes.

=== [[BlueSpike]] ===
BlueSpike (AKA "LeonSpike", aka "Julie", aka "Max") is a thirteen-year-old boy who pretended to be Chris's [[sweetheart]] "Julie". He later revealed himself as a troll in a now infamous [[Julie Reveals Herself|hour-long audio recording]] in which he berates Christian and makes him stick his Sonichu medallion up his ass.

[[Image:BryanBash.jpg|thumb|left|80px|Bryan Bash (right) with your sister (left).]]

=== Bryan Bash ===
Bryan Bash is a close friend of [[Clyde Cash]]. He is the one who [[Hooker incident|sent hookers over to Chris's house]], as well as the person who called during the infamous [[Bob Walks In|"Bob Walks In"]] audio file, and is responsible for leaking [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]]. Additionally, he leaked the [[Father Call]] and the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]] to [[/cwc/]] on 11 November [[2009]], and he has also leaked conversations between [[Chris]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]].

=== [[Clyde Cash]] ===

[[image:TheRealClydeCash.jpg|thumb|80px|right|Clyde Cash. The man. The legend. The guido.]]

The nefarious [[Clyde Cash]] is the most infamous and legendary of bullies. A vile and reprehensible fellow whose very name strikes fear and revulsion into Chris's clogged heart and inspires admiration from the souls of bullies. He posed as [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], raped Chris's beloved [[PandaHalo]], and performed many more amazing feats about which songs shall be written and the minstrels shall sing of in the ages immemorial. Unfortunately it will not come to pass since Clyde is serving a life sentence for stealing the identity of Lee Hotti.

=== [[Emily]] ===
A brave soul who went on a date with Chris. She was later saved by the [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Jew in the Pickle Suit]].

[[File:Ahuvia.png|thumb|left|80px|Jack Thaddeus]]

=== [[Jack Thaddeus]] ===
The possible successor (and gay lover) of Clyde Cash and is responsible for various [[PS3#PlayStation Network|PSN]]-related trollings and also for the [[CWCipedia]] ads.

[[File:Jimmuh hill.jpg|thumb|80px|Jimmy Hill]]

=== [[Jimmy Hill]] ===
An individual who posed as a British sportscaster. He claimed to be the true original creator of Sonichu, the first openly gay cartoon character that became very popular in Europe back in 2009.

=== [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] ===
The original creator of the [[ED]] page.

=== [[Man in the Pickle Suit|The Jew in the Pickle Suit]] ===
A real-life pickleman who answers to Clyde Cash. He saved Emily from the clutches of Chris.

[[Image:CChanSonichuCWC.jpg|thumb|left|80px|The [[TRUE and HONEST]] Chris]]

=== [[Liquid Chris]] ===
A [[YouTube]] troll who is known for doing a spot-on impersonation of Chris-chan. Within his saga, Liquid Chris is referred to as the [[TRUE and HONEST]] Chris-chan and creator of the popular comic character Sonichu, and Solid is referred to as an angry troll named [[Ian Brandon Anderson]], who made outlandish claims that he was the real Chris.

=== Lordsillynipples ===
A troll from [[ED]] who was responsible for impersonating [[Blanca]] and being the first to obtain the now [[Pickles|infamous Chris-chan Noodz]] on 11 September 2008, along with [[Chris's DVD]]. She is also responsible for creating the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] and for feeding Chris the infamous guido picture of [[Clyde]].

=== [[Robert Simmons V]] ===
A YouTube troll who managed to gain Chris's trust by showing him support and mirroring his life. Along with [[Church audio|visiting Chris's church]] and meeting [[Bob Chandler|Bob]], he also had a hand in organizing the [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|Emily date]].

=== [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] ===
Shigeru Miyamoto (Japanese: 宮本茂) is the creator of some of Nintendo's most legendary video game franchises such as Mario, Zelda, and Star Fox. A troll posed as him. Chris fell for it completely. The troll got at him by pretending to be interested in his [[sonichu|yellow Sonic abortion]].

=== [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] ===

While there's no definitive proof of these two being trolls, they have been known to dispense advice for Chris from time to time, especially on the subject of relationships.<ref name="Jackie e 16">[[Jackie_E-mails_16]]</ref> Considering the [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|results derived from said advice]], one cannot help but wonder about their [[Laughs Under Lucricities|true motivations]].

[[image:Tito 300.gif|thumb|80px|Surfshack Tito]]

=== [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]] ===

An enigmatic troll who managed to invoke Chris's wrath on [[Surfshack Tito|two]] [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|separate]] occasions by hacking his PSN and taking the blame for ruining Chris's slim chances with [[The Wallflower]]. Recently, he has been involved in the destruction of Chris's beloved [[PS3]].

[[image:TH.PNG|thumb|80px|left|Thorg]]

=== [[Thorg]] ===
A troll responsible for creating a [[20 December 2009|slanderous billboard]] in 2009 and exposing [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] in 2011. A major part of Chris's 2011 [[Calling Out|blackmail campaign]].

[[image:Vivian.jpg|thumb|80px|Vivian]]

===[[Vivian Gee]]===
The creator of the ''Sonichu'' [[audiobooks]] and various other Chris-related videos and cousin of Clyde Cash. A former white knight who turned troll after she realized Chris was a [[Vivian Gee E-mails|hopeless, thick-skulled moron]].
{{clear}}

==Devil Trolls==
[[Image:DevilTroll.jpg|thumb|left|Artist's depiction.]]
[[File:ModNation TrollFemale.jpg|thumb|Featured in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''.]]

Aside from the several notable figures above, the '''Devil Trolls''' are mysterious, evil creatures that appear in Chris's ''[[Sonichu]]'' comic series. These creatures are first mentioned in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] and make their first full appearance in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]].

Like many beings within Chris's comics, the Devil Trolls are inspired by his encounters in real life. Devil Trolls represent the various trolls that have given him such [[stress]] over his lifetime. This is shown when Chris encounters a set of them attacking a room containing his stuff from one of his earlier websites.

The Devil Trolls make their first mentioned appearance as some sort of grass protrusions taking away the fallen "[[IBAChandler]]" after Sonichu defeats him in ''Sonichu'' #9. They make their full appearance in ''Sonichu'' #10, as [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] encounters them inside a room containing his pictures from his various websites. Seeing as Chris can't create anything without ripping off original designs, Devil Trolls resemble [[Wikipedia:Troll doll|those old Troll toys]], minus their gems, with long tails and demon-like wings. They also sport sharp teeth.
{{clear}}

== Motivations ==
[[File:Trollll.PNG|thumb|Drawing of a troll appearing in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].]]

===Chris's perspective===
Chris himself has a more simplistic view of what motivates his enemies. When a [[Mailbag]] correspondent asked him to explain why he's trolled, and why so many people seem to hate him, Chris had this ingenious response:

{{quote|"Tehy're just jealous that they did not think of [[Sonichu]] first, or that I am more [[Chris and art|Artistically Talented]] than they are."|[[Chris]], [[Mailbag 5|Mailbag #5]]}}

This is consistent with the advice given many children who are harrassed in real life: that bullies are merely jealous of you, and want to see you react unfavorably. Since Chris [[Count Graduon|never moved past]] [[Manchester High School|high school]] mentally, he still believes he is hated because [[Ego|he is so much better than everyone else.]]

From his own attempts to illustrate trolling, it's obvious that Chris has no concept of how it works. When he tried his hand at impersonation, he thought that we'd all be trolled if he pretended to be an epic troll, but then [[Jack|a troll]] saw through his lie and forced him to admit that he is, indeed, a fat idiot. Chris believes that trolling has two steps: pretend to be someone you're not and then "troll" someone by revealing who you really are. [[Silvana]], a character based on his perception of forum trolls who claim to be people they aren't, thinks it's hilarious to pretend to be [[Meg Griffin]], kiss Chris, and then transform once she's out of sight. As a result, Chris walks away happy, unaware that he just kissed a tranny, defeating the entire point of "trolling" him.

Recently, it seems that he's decided that the majority of his hated trolls are actually homosexuals, combining his two major hates into one massive force of nature. The earliest this is seen is [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag&oldid=3208|a message he wrote] in his Mailbag section, exploding in rage over an added [[Twitter]] and how they could talk about him behind his back. Even more, in his [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)|CWCipedia article on The Wallflower]], Chris has also decided that the trolls are also [[niggos|black]].

Unsurprisingly, Chris also considers trolling a ''crime'', and has somehow dedicated himself to stop trolling. However, Chris's views on trolling are very very skewed, as he believes that ''all'' trolling is equal to what he had done to him. A [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|recent video]] actually has him tell people how to act on the Internet [[Chris and hypocrisy|mere moments after revealing his real name, address, and phone number]].

As the years passed, Chris's take on trolls has erupted into a massive flight of fancy. Because he has been refused admittance to [[The GAMe PLACe]], Chris has now proclaimed that the entire store is a massive front for Internet trolling, with [[Michael Snyder]] as the ringleader of it all. As well, he seems to have chosen the [[CWCki Forums]] as a major gathering place for trolls.

===His parents' perspective===
The [[Matthew Noble call]] in August 2010 revealed some interesting insights into Bob and Barbara Chandler's interpretation of what has happened to their son over the years. Chris's parents are apparently convinced that the entire Chris-chan Trolldom grew out of a conspiracy by Michael Snyder, two alleged homosexuals who frequented The GAMe PLACe (possibly [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]]), and ''[[Megan Schroeder]]'', who worked to get Chris banned from the store and are involved with a general effort to harass and torment Chris. When speaking with Ivy, Bob described Megan with words like "cruel" and "German". Bob was convinced that it is all because they are persecuting Chris for being autistic, while in reality he was scaring away customers with his behavior and sexually harassing Megan.

It's useful to try to consider things from his parents' point of view. To begin with, there ''is'' a worldwide conspiracy, more or less, to pester the Chandlers, violate their privacy, drive their son to do ridiculous things, and otherwise fuck with them in a myriad of ways. Bob and Barbara are bombarded by prank phone calls all day, nude photos, God knows what else arrive in their mail, signs mysteriously appearing on their lawn, Chris having [[Kacey and Liquid Call|angry screaming matches]] with people they've never met on the telephone, Chris once drove off to Ohio to meet [[Julie|a woman who didn't exist]], and so on.

Being Chris's parents must be a fairly surreal experience at this point, and given that they belong to a much older generation, they can hardly be expected to develop the grasp of Internet social phenomena that they'd need to properly understand their situation. The GAMe PLACe, however small a piece of the bigger picture it may be, is the most significant real, physical element of Chris's adventures in trolldom that they've been exposed to. As ridiculous as their theory may seem, it's probably the best they can do as far as making sense of what has happened and continues to happen to them.

==Chris the Troll==

While the idea of everyone's favorite manchild becoming the one thing he hates seems kind of farfetched if not laughably ironic, it actually isn't too far off as one might think. Because of his horrendous misconceptions of what he thinks his trolls does, Chris believes that, if given a new target, Chris's trolls would gladly stop attacking him and go after that new target. In the past, Chris has tried to deflect his trolls towards people like [[Joshua Martinez]], [[Michael Snyder]] and even [[Mimms]]. However, Chris has been so entrenched with his trolls and viewers that the idea of going after someone else doesn't seem feasible anymore.

As well, Chris has even attempted to troll his own trolls. One of the first known attempts was the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video, claiming that he had pulled the most epic prank on the Internet, only to turn around the very next day and reveal that it was a lie. [[Sonichu 10]], as mentioned above, had his comic book self thinking he had kissed [[Meg Griffin]], not knowing that it was actually [[Silvana]]. As well, on 28 [[April 2012]], he attempted to convince his trolls that he had decided to return to the mall and resume his [[Love Quest]], armed with his [[Attraction Sign]]. Again, he revealed the next day that it was a lie and that he had gotten [[ban]]ned from the mall just before he decided to pull it.

Interestingly, Chris's perception of being a troll is less about trolling to get a rise out of someone and more of attempting to pull a prank. His "return" to the Love Quest is probably the biggest indicator of that. Chris let his trolls know through his [[Facebook]], then waited a day before shouting "SURPRISE!" As well, he also believed that if someone reads his message, he's going to assume that everyone has and that they are going to descend on the mall like a bad flash mob just to find Chris. Too bad most everyone, unlike Chris, has lives of their own.

However, if there is one person that Chris himself has successfully trolled, without a shadow of a doubt, it's ''himself''. Proof of this can be directly pointed to his [[Ego#Surrendering_Information|bad habit of surrendering information]] about himself, no matter how [[Tomgirl|embarassing]], [[Nudes|demeaning]], or [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|downright]] [[Dox|stupid]] giving out said tidbits of himself would be. Chris often screams at his trolls for not leaving him alone, but, aside from the fact that his antics only add more fuel to the fire, he always fails to realise that if he didn't give them ammo to begin with, he wouldn't have ended up in this predicament. A shining example of this would be the [[2013 Imgur Leak]]. Chris could have ranted about the trolls, and most would have shrugged and assumed that [[Chris and anger|he's just being angry in typical Chris-Chan fashion.]] That is, until Chris revealed the reason ''why'' he got upset, inadvertently revealing the Facebook posts he was keeping a secret, as well as some [[Death Threats|very unsavory information]] that could get him arrested if taken seriously.

It just goes to show you, nobody trolls Chris better than Chris. Chris is the type to not only shoot himself in the foot, but reload, fire again, and repeat the cycle while blaming the trolls. He just never learns.

==Today==
:''Main article: [[Weening]]''
Since the death of [[Bob Chandler|Chris's father]], the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|loss of his home]] and [[Financhu Crisis|his plummet to the breadline]], Chris has changed profoundly. No longer is he the [[naive]], [[Chris and fashion|clown-shirted]], [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|indifferent]] [[Ego|egotist]] ED discovered in 2007, instead, he is a jaded, chronically depressed, [[Tomgirl|cross-dressing]] child trapped in an adult's body, who is not as susceptible to, capable of dealing with, and arguably, as deserving of trolling as he used to be.

Many of those who continue to follow his activities are beginning to opine that he has suffered enough, and that active trolling, even where it is successful, doesn't produce the [[Laughs Under Lucricities|results]] it used to, takes more effort due to his inflated paranoia, tends to lead to small groups monopolizing Chris and hoarding the information they gather (as happened with [[Blanca Weiss|Blanca]] and [[Catherine]]), and in some cases, causes needless emotional damage to Chris. For example, the revelation that Chris's latest girlfriend, Catherine, was yet another troll persona in early [[November 2014]] provoked disgust and disappointment, as many felt that not only was it [[Sonichu|unoriginal]] and [[JULAAAY|no longer funny]], but the trolls had spent weeks, if not months stringing him along and toying with him, including tricking him into [[I Love You, Catherine|grovelling]] for "Catherine"'s continued affection. Many felt this amounted to emotional abuse of an already broken and miserable shell of a man, some were even disappointed as they felt that after all Chris had gone through, he deserved a lucky break, and a real relationship for a change.

Further, this was accompanied by the revelation that the same group of trolls had also fabricated Chris's denunciation by his [[Gal-pals|high-school friends]], leading to many questioning the morality of impersonating Chris's old friends just to get a reaction out of him, and of course, the terrifying [[CWCVille|Orwellian nightmare]] that such trolling has left Chris in, as virtually every aspect of Chris's social life is engineered by trolls and he has no way of knowing what or who is real - [[Savannah Chandler|even his own family]]. This is perhaps partially responsible for his growing obsession with his [[Lego|hoarded crap]] and his preoccupation with his [[Homos#Chris the lesbian|new identity]] - it has gotten to the point that Chris's identity and his possessions are all he has which he knows for certain are real and not a troll fabrication.

Chris's transformation has also coincided with, and perhaps influenced, a shift in trolling. Active, chronic trolling such as Chris has experienced is now generally looked down upon as [[weening]] and attention whoring, instead it has become more fashionable to leave a lolcow like Chris to their own devices for the most part, and observe, rather than continually provoke. Proponents of this type of trolling note that many major events in Chris's life have happened independent of troll influence, such as him burning down his own home, his various outings to [[Charlottesville]] and beyond (and many subsequent IRL bans), his bizarre dealings with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and of course, the infamous [[28 October 2011]]. It can also be argued that much (if not most) of the trolling that Chris experienced since his discovery in 2007 was ween as well, and that it may have partially caused his bitter, depressed and paranoid state today.

However, this newfound empathy evaporated on [[26 December 2014]], as Chris vandalized a [[Sonic Boom Protests|Sonic Boom]] display at his local [[GameStop]] before attacking an employee who was calling security - all caught on camera by a Tumblr user. This shattered any pity most people had for Chris mostly because of the way in which he conducted himself, commanding employees "Don't call anybody!" and generally behaving as if he were answerable to no-one throughout. One CWCki Forum commenter aptly described Chris' actions as "socially deaf", as naturally an aggressive, balding man shrieking at staff, wearing toy sunglasses turned a few heads. This is merely one of many cases in which Chris has dissipated the pity of trolls by bouncing back from his [[I Love You, Catherine|supposed]] [[To Mr. Smith|depression]] with an act of astounding [[Ego|hubris]] and [[Naive|stupidity]]. The revelation that Chris was in jail awaiting video court two days later was received with relief, and hopes that he may finally be forced to [[Chris and anger|learn]] [[Chris and his ego|lessons]] he should've been taught three decades ago.

Furthermore, in the following months, Catherine's correspondence with Chris and her side of the story were steadily leaked on Kiwi Farms, resulting in her being largely exonerated of her abuse of Chris, mainly because it turned out Chris himself was not exactly blameless, and the main purpose of "Catie" had been to try to contain Chris's growing madness and to help him, rather than to make bizarre demands of him or manipulate him in the ways previous sweethearts had. It was revealed that Catie had tried to tell Chris repeatedly that their outings together were not dates, and eventually that she was not interested in dating him, as he began to attempt to control her in ways eerily resemblant of [[Women's rights|domestic abuse]], namely, trying to prevent her from seeing [[JERKS|male]] [[Colin|friends]] and exploding with jealous rage when she did, insulting her, refusing to let her break up with him, making [[Barb|deranged claims of royal lineage]] in a bizarre attempt to command authority over her, and even claiming that he was ''entitled'' to a relationship.

On 27 December, a troll joined Chris's "FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!" group and posted a link to the video from the day before. Eventually, more and more trolls joined and the group eventually became littered with photos of Chris's trigger, as well as people mocking him, and other forms of [[ween]]ery.

==See also==
* [[4-cent garbage.com]]
* [[CWCki]]
* [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]
* [[PVCC (Message Board)|PVCC]]
* [[Rollin' and Trollin']]
* [[White knight]]
* [[A-Logging]]
* [[Weening]]
* [[Kick the Autistic]]

==References==
<references/>

{{Trolls}}
{{People}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Lists]]

Bob Walks In Aftermath

2017-03-24T18:01:53Z

Largo best: added link to BB

'''Bob Walks In Aftermath''' is a conversation that took place on 14 [[February 2009]] between [[Chris]] and [[Julie]], shortly after his [[Bob Walks In|cybersex session]] was cut down by the [[internet lumberjack]]. Julie is inaudible throughout, being only heard in several, nails-on-a-chalkboard squeaks and whistles.

It is notable that Chris ends the call after saying "''Ickvenschwel. Ickvenschwel with my heart.''" before making a series of sounds which vaguely resemble kissing noises. The (fictional) [[Molvania|Molvanian]] word "Ickvenschwel" ("I love you") sounds close to the German phrase "Ich bin schwul", which was famously used by an [[Homos|openly gay]] mayor of Berlin by the name of [[Wikipedia:Klaus_Wowereit|Klaus Wowereit]]. It is also notable that it translates to "I am gay", which just goes to show how [[naive]] Chris is when it comes to other languages.

==Listen==
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Bob Walks In Aftermath
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|nLNa5WE3njo}}
| Stardate = 14 [[February 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]]
| Saga = {{Julie|text}}
| previous = [[Bob Walks In]]
| next = [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 1]]
}} </center>

==Transcript==
Hello, Julie. Now listen, you have to talk to me, I'm calling you from my [[PSP]]. It does not accept typed feedback. [''pause'']

Yeah, sorry about that my dad just--my dad--ah, you're right, I should have answered the phone. My dad got some ca--that--calls from a troll, claiming that I was going to commit suicide on [[YouTube]].

[''brief squeaky pause; sigh''] That bastard. Oh well, at least I--at least I still have my PSP so I can call you on that. My dad shut down the [[computer]] and he doesn't want me back on there.

[''pause''] Yeah, I still got my [[PS3]], and the wi-fi, and my PSP. So, between them I'm--I'm o--between them, I'm okay. But I can, uh, if you want, uh, want us to do, uh, if you want us to do like, our cybersex we're definitely going to have to go audio. Audio only no--I, yeah, so...what's that? [''brief pause and more squeaking''] Yeah that's gonna take awhile. 'Cause, you know, he's not- y-you should see- he's old, and he cannot take things as easily as, uh the younger generation can. Anyway, I also- I also had like a chat window set up in the PS3, uh, just after father interrupted and I sent you a chat invite. But then I remembered- then I remembered just a few--just a few moments ago the PSN on my PSP, so I called you on here.

[''squeaky pause''] Yeah...yeah, he just said, "Just leave me--Just leave me alone." Next to go but...na-''[gasp; brief squeaky pause''] Then I'll wake my mother up, but uh, he woke her up, and then she came upstairs...about just after I had opened the chat window on my PS3...and uh...ah, I basically described to her what I--described to her what I was doing without saying "[[mass debating|masturbation]]" or "cybersex".

[''squeaky pause''] Only my moth--only my mother knows about it. And she had--she has this thing against, uh, she has this thing in her mind against, uh, being able to believe people on--people over the internet and falling in love with them so easily. [''squeak''] Yeah, so I don't say--so that's why I didn't say anything about that to her at this time, even though she would have been--she would have been open-minded about it since I have told her previously about my mass durbation.

[''squeaky pause''] I told my mother about you, yeah. [''more squeaks''] Uh, she says she'll believe it when, uh, if she sees you in person. [''squeaky pause''; ''sigh''] Yeah, and I think she...[''pause''] yeah...yeah [[Clyde Cash|Clyde]] or [[Trolls#Bryan_Bash|some other troll]] but more likely Clyde. [''pause''] Uh, I don't know, I do not answer the phone but my mom said that she heard the voice before on the telephone, 'cause she must have picked it up at one time. And she said that she had heard the voice before. But then my father picked it up, then you know what happened. [''rustling; another squeaky pause; sigh''] Yeah he's just real mad. He gets riled up very easily in the nighttime. [''squeaky pause''] What am I gonna do now? Hmmm. Well pretty much now, my erection has, uh, been undone and I'm not feeling in the mood for it right now, but you know hey, on the bright side, we still have our Sunday Valentine's Day Date in LittleBig--in [[LittleBigPlanet]].

[''squeaky pause''] What? [''brief squeaky pause''] Yeah. Maybe we can chat on the PSN or through Skype through my PSP here. [''brief whistly pause''] 'Cause I'm not sure on this, the time anyway. [''brief squeaky pause''] I just mean it causes [[stress]], it is, I mean--you know I was feeling so elated and father came in and made me feel embarrassed and got me all keyed up with stress. [''squeaky pause; midway through this pause, we hear a noise very similar to a notification reminder''] Hmm...I'm not sure how to explain it to him, 'cause I never told him about my masturbation. [''pause''] And he's not very--he's not as open-minded as my mother is about the subject. [''pause''] Mmm.

So, I think, uhh, you know that at this point if you are cybersex through audio only you either through the PSN or Skype right here. [''squeaky pause''] Your brother doesn't like to--your brother doesn't like to hear your erotic moaning? [''brief whistly pause''] H--he told you that? [''squeaky pause''] Oh...ohhhh. Hmm. [''squeaky pause''] Oh. I see. Hmm.

[''brief squeaky pause''] No. I don't know, that--never thought that would've crossed my mind...I mean--I mean, uhh...I-I would say for most men that, uhh...well, still, I mean they'd say to distance myself, but...you know, I'd rather this went on until--on until [[Mumble]] or whatever...fo--for sure. Then, the--then, I don't make an assumption. Yeah, 'cause I just, well, I just don't make an assumption...off the bat about the orientation. [''pause; sigh; Chris then makes some strange noises that almost sound like he's moaning. Another pause''] So...hmm. Uh, y-y-so, y-so [''unintelligible''] so if he ever did talk to you about your erotic moaning, so--y--y--so you didn't really talk to your brother about you doing that with me? And that we were in love. You didn't talk to him? [''long squeaky pause''] Alright. [''attempts to talk, sighs''] Okay. Alright, so- alright, so, uh, let me do that in the what? [''squeaky pause''] Oh, in this house. [''squaky pause''] Hmm.

Well, h--you know what? You know that I have, uh, watched a romantic comedy where the older--where there's, like, an older brother and a younger sister going out with this guy. Something like that, I'm sure that they made a romantic comedy about that...and, uh, like you know, he can watch that and see how it's better for us and an adventure if he, like, accepts it...mmm, I think, uh, I think he's probably--I mean, I'm thinking that he's probably in, uh, deni--in, uh, denial on that road to, like, give you--give you up seriously to me just yet. He still hasn't accepted that thoroughly. That's what I think, anyway. Yeah? [''long pause'']

Hey, I still love you, and you're coming to visit me at least, right? [''brief pause''] Mmmkay. [''squeaky pause''] Help me search for a job. Oh yeah, I'm having, uh, actually I'm searching for volunteer work that pays, and I'm having [[Rocky]] help me with that. I called her the other day and told her that I put more effort into that for me. And, uh, I'm doing my part as well. I'm searching like, local news magazines like, uh, ''[[The Hook Cafe|The Hook]]''. [''brief pause''] It's a...[''squeak'']...''local''...news magazine, newsletter. You know, it's not newspaper, but it's printed on such paper, and it's usually distributed for free? You probably have something, like--you probably have something like that in your state, yeah?

[''brief squeaky pause''] I love you, too. [[Homo|Ickvenschwel]], Julie. [''brief squaky pause''] I will never forget that. Ickvenschwel, Julie. Ickvenschwel. Ickvenschwel with my heart... all right. [''makes several kissing noises until the tape ends'']

==Download==

* [http://www.mediafire.com/?ft741xt6bn95t98 MP3 audio of the call]
* [http://db.tt/OlXivh3Y Mirror]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Julie Saga]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]

Financhu Crisis

2017-03-23T18:33:02Z

Largo best: fixed a duplicate source

[[File:Please, Donate (720p).mp400001.png ‎|thumb|400px|Chris's online activity for much of 2016]]
{{Articleofthenow}}
{{Begging Counter}}

The '''Financhu Crisis''' is a term coined by users from [[CWCki Forums|Kiwi Farms]] to describe the steep decline in the Chandler family's financial management beginning in early [[2016]].

Signs of the Chandlers' worsening finances were made apparent by the increasing amounts of begging videos and donation requests on [[YouTube]] and [[FaceBook]].

Given that [[Barb]] is elderly on a [[tugboat|fixed income]], and [[Chris]] is [[stress|''lazy'']] on a fixed income, one could only bleakly speculate what will happen when Chris is eventually left to fend for himself once Barb passes away.

==Background==
[[File:Financhu Wordle.png ‎|thumb|400px|A wordcloud of the videos and Facebook posts Chris made during the Financhu Crisis. Note how big "money" and "donations" are...]]

To this day, the Chandlers' financial woes are caused by their own irresponsible behaviors. Chris, [[Chris and money|learning absolutely nothing over the years]], has squandered any available money on [[Lego|children's toys]], [[PS4|video games]], [[McDonalds|fast food]], and [[sex toys]]. Barb, on the other hand, has simply been ignoring long-term debts and letting them pile up to alarming amounts, armed only with vain hopes that her manbaby would raise money for her bills.

'''Chris''' has made some efforts to generate income for the household over the past few years (bar that of [[Stress|actually finding a job]]), which included opening an [[Etsy|Etsy shop]] in [[2015]]. However, any profits gained would immediately go straight to toy purchases, an irresponsible move that would to turn out to be a recurring problem that keeps the Chandlers in the red. The shop would eventually shut down from Chris lazily not fulfilling Etsy orders, but he would still find some revenue by the occasional [[eBay]] sales of select merch from the [[14 Branchland Court|hoard]]. To further compound the issue, Chris has been instilled with a very real belief that [[fans]] are willing to drop large sums of money into his bank account [[Chris and his ego|for nothing]], an expectation that has since been strengthened by the $1,000 donation by [[DStecks]] in [[September 2015]]. This belief would take on the form of the many begging videos that highlight the saga to this day.

'''Barb''' seems to have outstanding debts that dwarfs Chris' financial handiwork. On [[September 2016]], she faced lawsuits from Discover and Capital One for failing to pay the large amounts of her credit card debt, according to Virginia District Court records. It is worth noting that it takes a lot of ignored [[Trolls|debt collector]] calls over a long period of time to get a simple credit card debt escalated to a lawsuit, suggesting that Barb may have been outright ignoring making any payments to her credit cards. Only time will tell if more creditor companies begin to sue Barb for her neglect. In [[August 2016]], Chris revealed that the household is still under a mortgage of $115,000, introducing a far more worrying debt looming over the horizon.

Both Chris and Barb continue to barely stay afloat with their lives thanks to their own [[tugboat]]s, but their inactive lifestyle and reckless spending will not last forever at this rate.

Despite it all, '''Chris has not once attempted to find a job'''.

==Outstanding Debts==
This table summarizes various unpaid debts charged to credit cards and other owed amounts between Chris and Barb over the course of the "Financhu Crisis". Keep in mind that these are only amounts found by [[CWCki|Christorians]] via Chris' online posts and Virginia District Court public records.

On 30 November 2016, Chris started a [[Patreon]] with a goal of '''$250,000'''; he estimates $200,000 to pay off the mortgage and other debts, plus an extra $50,000 for himself, [[Chris and negotiation|just ''because'']].

{| class="wikitable sortable"
|-
!data-sort-type="date"|Date
!data-sort-type="string"|Item
!data-sort-type="currency" |Amount ($)
|-
|1 March 2016
|PS4 purchase (with credit card)
!style="text-align:right;" |540.00
|-
|16 March 2016
|Discover Bank court case
!style="text-align:right;" |4,706.93
|-
|16 April 2016
|Payday loan
!style="text-align:right;" |3,000.00
|-
|31 August 2016
|Mortgage (revealed on Facebook)
!style="text-align:right;" |115,000.00
|-
|14 September 2016
|Capital One court case
!style="text-align:right;" |15,906.99
|- class="sortbottom"
!style="background-color:#E9E9E9; text-align:right;", colspan="2"|Total
!style="font-weight:bold;color:#FF0000"|$139,153.92
|}

==Chris's Frivolous Spending==
[[File:Had-to-pay-3fyhaf (credit to Gunslinger).png|thumb|300px|A recurring theme throughout the Crisis.]]

Like any terminally irresponsible adult, Chris likes to keep his [[bedroom]] filled with toys, while [[Chris and money|keeping his wallet empty]]. Below is an list of the known expenses Chris has made during the Financhu Crisis, collected from online postings and eBay purchase history. Some amounts are estimated, but all amounts are debilitating.

{| class="wikitable sortable"
|-
!class="unsortable"|Item
!data-sort-type="currency" |Amount ($)
|-
|New PS4 console<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/internet-detective-proves-chris-bought-the-ps4-himself.18249/</ref>.
!style="text-align:right;" |540.00
|-
|About 30 game purchases for the PS4<ref>http://psnprofiles.com/Sonichu&completion=all&order=played&pf=ps4#content</ref>.
!style="text-align:right;" |500.00
|-
|[https://shop.lego.com/en-US/Firehouse-Headquarters-75827 $350 Ghostbusters lego set], bought on eBay<ref name=l>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/chris-spent-over-425-on-ebay-last-month.19451/</ref> for ''higher''.
!style="text-align:right;" |425.88
|-
|Transformers action figures<ref>[[List of toys#Transformers: Titans Return]]</ref>.
!style="text-align:right;"|577.00
|-
|[[Naru]], a dakimakura pillow (or ''hug pillow'').
!style="text-align:right;"|90.00
|-
|Skylanders toys<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/List_of_toys#Skylanders</ref><ref>[[Skylanders Imaginators Leader Christine W Chandler: random Review N' Stuff]]</ref>.
!style="text-align:right;"|195.00
|-
|Pokemon merchandise<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/List_of_toys#Pokemon</ref><ref>[[List of toys#Bought in 2017 from eBay]]</ref>
!style="text-align:right;"|181.79
|-
|Amiibo (Smash series "Pit")<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/List_of_toys#Nintendo_Amiibos</ref>
!style="text-align:right;"|12.99
|-
|"I'm Done Adulting" T-Shirt<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/screenshot-www-facebook-com-2016-10-03-14-31-36-png.141291/</ref>
!style="text-align:right;"|23.99
|-
|Lego Dimensions (assorted sets)<ref>[[List of toys#Lego Dimensions]]</ref><ref>[[List of toys#Bought in 2017 from eBay]]</ref>
!style="text-align:right;"|203.00
|-
|My Little Pony-themed card sleeves<ref>[[List of toys#Bought in 2017 from eBay]]</ref>.
!style="text-align:right;"|13.54
|- class="sortbottom"
!style="background-color:#E9E9E9; text-align:right;", colspan="1"|Total
!style="font-weight:bold;color:#FF0000"|$2,763.19
|}

==2016 Timeline==

===March===
*1st - Chris buys a PS4, worth $540, from Fingerhut (using a credit card)<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/internet-detective-proves-chris-bought-the-ps4-himself.18249/</ref>.
*16th - Barb is found guilty in a debt case involving Discover Financial Services. The judgement states that she owes $4,706.93<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/barb-sued-by-discover-bank.18379/page-28#post-1324090</ref>.
*19th - Chris spends $425 on a single Lego set<ref name=l/>, available for $75 less on the lego website.<ref>https://shop.lego.com/en-US/Firehouse-Headquarters-75827</ref>

===April===
*12th - [[Please, Donate|Chris begs]]. This video is notable for being the first video devoted to asking for money.
*16th - It's revealed that Chris borrowed $3,000 from a payday loan<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/chris-spent-over-425-on-ebay-last-month.19451/page-13#post-1392146</ref>.
*24th - [[Donation Request|Chris begs]] again, this time without offering crafts in exchange.

===May===
*4th - The donations listing on Chris's Etsy shop is removed, presumably for violating TOS<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/fb-4-29-chris-is-excited-about-ratchet-clank-totes-swag.20150/page-10#post-1434759</ref>.
*9th - Chris spends $60 on his [[waifu|waifu]].
*23rd - The Chandlers pay $616.52 for the first half of 14BC's 2016 [[:File:Property tax 2016 part1.png|property tax]].
*23rd - [[Donations, Please, plus Live Game Stream tonight.|Chris begs]] for bananas. He also [[Live Game Stream - Uncharted|announces]] the debut of a Support button on his Youtube channel to replace the Etsy listing.
*25th - Chris begs [[May 2016 Facebook posts#Etsy listing removal|in a Facebook post]] while reminding readers that Etsy removed his donation listing and that he has a Support button on Youtube instead.
*26th - Chris begs [[May 2016 Facebook posts#Uncharted video and donations|on Facebook]], links to his game stream of Uncharted and repeats his statements from the 25th.
*28th - Chris spends nearly $100 on Transformers<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/updated-6-1-2016-chris-spent-100-on-transformers-five-days-after-begging-for-money.21201/</ref>.
*29th - Chris spends another $30 on his waifu<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/updated-6-1-2016-chris-spent-100-on-transformers-five-days-after-begging-for-money.21201/page-8#post-1498444</ref>.
*31st - Chris spends $150 more on Transformers<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/updated-6-1-2016-chris-spent-100-on-transformers-five-days-after-begging-for-money.21201/page-6#post-1496692</ref>.

===June===
*8th - Chris's Etsy shop is closed<ref>[[Etsy#Shop Closure]]</ref>, presumably for failing to send orders.
*11th - [[Cwcville Shopping is on Vacation|Chris begs]] for money in the same video in which he announces that his shop is closed. Starting from this video, Chris adds his begging to the video descriptions.
*14th - Chris begs to have $100 for Barb's asthma medicine, in [[Donations Required, Serious. Please help|two]] [[Donations Requested, Please|videos]] which feature Barb.
*17th - [[Reading "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness" Chapter 1|Chris begs]] to have $200 for an electric bill, while reading a fanfic called "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness".
*19th - [[Reading "Unicorns, Rainbows, and a Bluebird of Happiness" Chapter 2|Chris begs]], again saying he wants $200 for an electric bill, and also wanting food money, while reading another chapter of Bluebird.
*19th - Chris wants to become a [[Women Only Need Apply - No STD's|prostitute]], in an attempt to get both money and china.
*26th - Chris begs his half-brother [[Cole Smithey|Cole Smithey]] for financial help, while simultaneously insulting him for "pissing and burning" the money he earns from working as a movie critic on apartment rent<ref>[[June 2016 Facebook posts#O brother, where art thou?]]</ref>.
*29th - [[Announcement 06292016|Chris begs]], saying that even though he got donations, he wants more because "we could still do better," before reading the third chapter of Bluebird.

===July===
*1st - Chris pays his $541 court costs for pepper-spraying a Gamestop employee in 2014<ref>https://kiwifar.ms/threads/7-1-chris-paid-his-court-costs.22142/</ref>.
*8th - [[Rainbows Unicorns and a Bluebird of Happiness Chapter 4|Chris begs]] while reading chapter four of Bluebird.
*9th - [[Announcement 20160709|Chris begs]] in a long rant, saying he is stressed from dealing with finances. He mentions a mortgage among the bills. He wants food money for himself, Barb and their pets.
*10th-11th - [[HELP, PLEASE!!!|Chris begs]] in a series of four videos, wanting $20 or $50. He demeans himself on camera to get people to donate. Finally, he thanks people for sending the "minimum $20" before begging to have money for Barb's teeth.
*13th - [[Donations Further Requested, Please|Barb begs]] to have money for her dental work.
*13th - Chris finally decides to sell some of his toys to raise money. He lists one Pokemon card on eBay for $50.<ref>[[July 2016 Facebook posts#Chris Offers a Pokemon Card for Sale]]</ref>
*14th - Chris lists two more Pokemon cards on eBay, for $100 each.
*15th - Chris begs for food money in a [[July 2016 Facebook posts#"I'm not on drugs!"|Facebook post]], complaining that people aren't willing to donate anymore.
*18th - [[Update 20160718|Chris begs]] for money in the same video in which he reads an anniversary dedication, while expecting to be paid $50 for it.
*18th - One of the $100 Pokemon cards Chris listed on eBay is sold<ref>http://offer.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewBidsLogin&item=282101638696</ref>.
*20th-22nd - Chris produces [[Paid Video Requests|eight videos]] to earn money from his fanbase.
*23rd - Chris returns to begging [[July 2016 Facebook posts#2 Strikes on Youtube|on Facebook]]. He also announces that "this window is for Donations Only. No video requests until further notice," after his Youtube account receives its second strike against it for violating policy on "nudity or sexual content" after [[Paid Video Requests#Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shake my boobies|a video]] he uploaded on the 22nd got reported. He [[:File:Cwc-crayolasword-stitched.png|also begs]] to a Kiwi Farms user named crayolasword who asks him about the situation.
*24th - Chris announces [[July 2016 Facebook posts#I have grown a labia!|on Facebook]] that he has grown a labia using subliminal frequencies found on Youtube. He also requests donations for gender reassignment.
*26th - Three days after being barred from uploading videos to his CwcvilleGuardian Youtube account, Chris circumvents the ban by [[Paid Video Request Reminder|uploading to another account]], restarting the Paid Video Requests program and accepting offers for $10-$50.
*28th - Chris makes one sale on the video program.

===August===
<center><gallery>
File:Barb capitalone.png|Capital One Bank vs Barb
File:Dogcourtcase2.png|Chris fined - No county dog tag 2
File:Dogcourtcase1.png|Chris fined - No rabies certificate 2
</gallery></center>
*4th - Barb is sued by yet another bank. The hearing will take place on September 14th.
*5th - Chris pays $121 in court costs and fines for failing to acquire proper certifications for his dogs.
*5th - Chris begs for donations in [[August 2016 Facebook posts#House Cleaning|a Facebook post]] and asks for tubes of [[Oestrogel application and Vibrating Bra, How To.|Oestrogel]] to be sent to him.
*9th - Chris relists the Birthday Pikachu card on eBay for $500 and begs people to "Buy It Now and help me and my family."<ref>[[August 2016 Facebook posts#Buy this $3,000 VHS tape]]</ref> He also offers a VHS tape of Aladdin for $3,000.<ref>http://www.ebay.com/itm/282128626463</ref>
*11th - Chris begs [[Cole Smithey|Cole Smithey]] for financial help again, this time by saying, "Hey! Cole!!! Get off of your ass and apologize and make peace with us here, In Person, and Help Us Financially, Please."<ref>[[August 2016 Facebook posts|Get off your ass, Cole!]]</ref>
*31st - Chris begs his audience [[August 2016 Facebook posts#Who wants to pay our mortgage?!|on Facebook]] to pay his mortgage of $115,000.

===September===
<center><gallery>
File:Barb vs Capital One Bank result.png|Capital One Bank court ruling.
</gallery></center>
*12th - Chris is spotted and photographed at a [[Card Games#Toys "Я" Us|Toys "Я" Us]] buying two tins of Pokemon Cards, two days before his mother goes to court.
*14th - Greene County's court rules that Barb owes $15,906.99 in unpaid debt to Capital One bank.
*19th - Chris begs in [[September 2016 Facebook posts#Another new cat|a Facebook post]], while showing off his new pet cat. He wants money to cover bills for the second half of the month, one paragraph after stating that he needed "allowance fun" to get a break from [[stress]] in the first half of the month.
*27th - Chris claims in a [[Something Completely Different - A few Transformers Jokes, also anti-Pmurt|video]] that the "fickle finances" are improving for him and Barb, shortly before playing with his newly-bought Transformers toys, showing that he is unaware or does not care about the fact that his mother legally owes over $20,000 as a result of the two lawsuits filed against her in 2016 or that the property tax for their house will be due in two months.

===October===
*18th - Chris resumes begging in a [[I'm sick; we need money donations; no video requests for a while|video]], saying that he is sick and that he is running low on chicken noodle soup and money. Notably, he had spent $160 buying Transformers toys on Ebay in the weeks beforehand<ref>[[List of toys#Transformers: Titans Return]]</ref>.

===November===
<center><gallery>
File:Receipt for a penny - credit to Philosophy Phil.png|$0.01 donation
</gallery></center>

*9th - Chris, in response to the election, films a [[Eid, Pmurt, Eid|video]] of him destroying a Transformer toy that is meant to represent Donald Trump. The toy was part of the Transformers toy purchase back in September, costing him $25.
*18th - Chris spends $90 on Pokemon<ref>[[Twitter#Ticked off about Pokemon Sun]]</ref><ref>[[November 2016 Facebook posts#Pokemon Sun and Moon networking]]</ref> and Transformers<ref>[[Twitter#More wish list demands]]</ref>.
*21st - The Chandlers pay the second half of their 2016 property tax for 14 Branchland Court, costing them $616.52<ref>[[:File:Propertytax2016paid.png]]</ref>.
*21st - Chris [[Help, please|makes another video]] to beg for donations again. He also [[Twitter#Help, please|posts]] to Twitter, saying, "We need more money, please. The Mortgage people are [[Kick the Autistic|kicking us again]]. Please send money to me via PayPal."
*22nd - Chris reacts to a penny donated by a troll<ref>https://kiwifarms.net/threads/yt-11-21-help-please.25958/page-6#post-1893900</ref>, [[Twitter#We need more than a penny|tweeting]], "We need Donations larger than a penny apiece. Please try to give us $10 or a Lot more than that."
*30th - Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Barb pawns jewelry, Chris decides to join Patreon|posts]] that he will join [[Patreon]], after Barb had to pawn a necklace, which she had to sell at a significant loss for $325, to pay debts/bills.
*30th - Chris [[November 2016 Facebook posts#Another wish list update|updates]] his Christmas [[wish list]], to remove the $50 Transformers toy<ref>http://www.bigbadtoystore.com/bbts/product.aspx?product=HAS25156&mode=retail Chris mentioned this shop listing</ref>, named "Alpha Trion and Astrotrain," which he had bought. He does not pawn this, or any of his other toys, to help Barb; instead, he makes [[The Alpha Trion/"Young Warrior" Challenge|a video of himself playing with it]].
*30th - Chris launches his [[Patreon]] account. He states that he wants $200,000 to pay the "home's finances, including the Mortgage and Credit Cards." He also says he wants an extra $50,000 for "[[List of toys|rainy day(s)]]"

===December===
*1st - Chris updates his [[Patreon]] with more gifts, consisting of merchandise from Skylanders [[Chris and his Ego#Fixation on self-image|customized to appear like his in-game avatar]] (which would be produced by that company) and clarifies that he wants $250,000 total, rather than per month, showing that he still has unrealistic views on how much he can scam out of people.
*2nd - Chris uploads [[Alpha Trion/"Young" warrior challenge explained]], in which he plugs his Patreon channel while playing with expensive Transformers toys.
*19th - Barb wants to sell a [[Craigslist#Riding lawn tractor|riding lawn tractor]] for $595.

==2017 Timeline==
===January '17===
*4th - Chris [[January 2017 Facebook Posts#Inability to feel like drawing and writing the stories|whines]] about having "head of household worries," like the bills and debt; however, instead of Adulting and applying for a job, he begs to have $500 a month.
*13th - Over three weeks after the original lawn tractor ad was taken down from [[Craigslist]] due to a ween, Chris finally realized what happened and re-posted it, still asking for $595. In the meantime, he had bought over $100 worth of [[Z-Ring Fun Extra|Pokemon]] and [[Skylanders Imaginators Leader Christine W Chandler: random Review N' Stuff|Skylanders]] toys and had made videos of himself playing with them.

===February '17===
*16th - Chris uploads [[A browsing around an ol' playground]], in which he begs for money before showing footage of himself walking around a playground.
*17th - One day after begging for handouts of $10 per person, Chris plays a newly-purchased video game level for ''Lego Dimensions'', ''The Lego Batman Movie Story Pack'', which had been released on 10 February with a cost between $35-$50<ref>https://psnprofiles.com/trophies/3900-lego-dimensions/Sonichu</ref>.

===March '17===
*1st - Chris offers parts of [[March 2017 Facebook Posts#Selling Bob's stamp collection|Bob's stamp collection]] for sale.
*2nd - Chris spends $50.25 on toys after making $68 (minus the cost of shipping) from selling his father's stamps.<ref>[[List of toys#Bought in 2017 from eBay]]</ref>
*3rd - Chris lists his [[EBay#Chris's stamp album|personal stamp album]] for $1,000.
*7th - Chris buys Lego World for the PS4 on its release date<ref>https://psnprofiles.com/trophies/5906-lego-worlds/Sonichu</ref> for $30, erasing the last of the profit he had made from selling stamps, even though he had claimed to need the money for paying bills.
*13th - He spends another $9 on Transformers.<ref>[[List of toys#Bought in 2017 from eBay]]</ref>
*19th - Chris [[March 2017 Facebook Posts#Please buy stamps|begs on Facebook]] for people to buy more stamps, saying "[[Lie|My mother and I can Really do with the money]]." At that point, he had made $85 in sales then quickly spent $90 on toys.<ref>[[List of toys#Bought in 2017 from eBay]]</ref> <ref>[[List of Chris's video games#PlayStation 4 (PS4)]]</ref>
*19th - White knights spring into action and purchase seven stamps, totaling $41.50. Five were bought by a single person (at $34) and the rest ($7.50) by two others.
*19th - Chris lies about wasting stamp money on toys, claiming in Facebook's comments section that he "did NOT buy any lego sets" and that the money went towards "our debtor payments" instead.

==Sources==
<references/>
[[Category:Sagas]]
[[Category:Things bought with taxpayer money]]

Homos

2017-03-22T18:20:52Z

Largo best: added source

{{Articleofthenow}}
[[Image:RainbowChris.jpg|thumb|Fun fact: [[Rainbow]] colors are the internationally recognized colors for the gay pride movement.]]
{{Quote|I Am Straight; [[China|Vaginas]] and [[Plush breasts|Boobies]] Give Me MY ERECTIONS; You Damn Homos have NO CHANCE with me EVER.|[[Chris]].<ref>[[Mailbag 31]]</ref>}}
{{Quote|There Was a time before I realized mine being a female soul trapped in a male-born body, when I was homophobic. But I became better aware of these kind and open-hearted people, and learned how understanding and compassionate they are, and with that, losing the homophobia, I felt more at peace with myself and those around me.|Chris evolves.<ref>[[January_2017_Facebook_Posts#Open_letter_to_Barron_Trump]]</ref>}}

'''Homos''' is the pejorative term by which Chris referred to gay people--almost invariably gay males--nigh exclusively at the time of his discovery. He has also occasionally used phrases such as "those of the wrong orientation", because even saying the word "homo" or "gay" makes him uncomfortable.

From the very beginning of his [[internet]] fame in [[2007]], his extreme opposition to homosexuality and his neurotic, obsessive demand that everyone "[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|STAY STRAIGHT]]" have been one of his most noted and exploited aspects. Chris's ire for male homosexuals is confusing, since they, of all people, pose the least threat to his [[Love Quest]], and seems to be motivated entirely by his own sexual insecurities.

At various times, most recently following his coming out as a "[[Tomgirl|transgender]] [[Gaybian|lesbian]]" in [[2014]], Chris has seemingly recanted previous homophobic statements, claiming to have become fully supportive of equality and human rights. In nearly every case, this has been at the request of a gal-pal or sweetheart, and like most of his [[Chris and remorse|apologies]] has been insincere. He apparently remains repulsed and unnerved by homosexual men on a personal level.

==Fear of being a homo==
[[Image:0067-Christian&Barbie.jpg|thumb|left|Chris tried to stay straight from an early age, by posing with Barbie.]]
[[Image:CWC new novel.png|thumb|A glimpse into the future?]]

{{quote|"Yes, I am a homophobe; I fear them all, and I fear the tormenting temptations of falling off the straight path. But then I mentally, sometimes from a DVD (and if you'll pardon the expression), shove some pussy in my face. I tell you what, if I ever stoop down to changing my path, I might as well would get a gender change operation."|Chris. <ref>E-mail to Megan, "I'm sorry... *[[sigh]]*:; Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 3:10 pm</ref>}}

Chris's homophobia is just that: he is literally afraid of homosexuality and of anything that could conceivably cause him to be "leered off the straight path." His terror has been such that he was barely able to bring himself to even utter the word "gay" or any other term concerning gay people, except of course for "homo." He seems to struggle with intrusive homosexual thoughts; he has said that he cannot even look at a picture of a [[pickle]] without being "freaked out."<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref> In [[Kill De Jack]], Chris revealed that he had to cover a section of his computer screen with a piece of paper so that he could browse the [[CWCipedia]] without looking at [[Jack Thaddeus]]'s pro-gay advertisements. Nothing will get Chris angrier than being "mislabeled" as a homo.

Chris's homophobia seems to have emerged sometime in 2006, as his very earliest expression of anxiety is his classic "[[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|Future Message]]," released in February 2007. At no time before this, either in his comics or his [[diary]] or his private correspondence, does he make any reference to homosexuality. It apparently grew out of the complex stew of his [[noviophobia]], his failure to achieve his Love Quest, his admiration for [[My Little Pony|girly toys]], his own [[Chris and gender|gender confusion]], his loathing of [[muscle bra|male bodies]], and [[autism]].
[[File:Taking it in the briefs.JPG|thumb|right|You're making this painfully obvious, Chris.]]

==Defenses against becoming a homo==
[[Image:CWCIsSTRAIGHT.jpg|thumb|According to Chris, heterosexuals defend their sexuality by stomping on [[vibrator]]s and showcasing index cards indicating their straightness on their shoes.]]
It's hard work for a warrior of true love and honesty to stay straight. Chris uses many strange and totemic objects, from a [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|poster of Sailor Moon]] to his [[Optimus Prime]] toy, to aggressively assert his straightness. Chris has said that he stared at his Sailor Moon poster every day to stave off temptations of homosexuality. The centerfold poster of [[The Simpsons#Marge poster|Marge Simpson's ''Playboy'' edition]] was another of Chris's many defenses against becoming a homo. The fact that she is a married cartoon character does not seem to have dissuaded him. Chris also subscribes to ''Playboy'' to help keep himself straight. You can tell he's straight because when he's explaining what he finds attractive in women it only takes five seconds for him to get around to breasts and china.

When homosexual (or potentially homosexual) fans sent Chris questions on the CWCipedia asking for tips to STAY STRAIGHT, Chris tended to suggest what essentially amounts to self-brainwashing. Some of his ideas included thinking of naked women and how awesome they are, and imagining being struck by painful lightning whenever a homosexual thought occurs.<ref name="ReferenceA"/> He also clarified that one needs not buy a Sailor Moon poster in particular; any poster featuring attractive women (preferably in bikinis and looking sexy) will do the trick. He believes these rituals are necessary to "maintain" sexual attraction to women.<ref name="ReferenceA">[[Mailbag 3#Hypnotize away the gay|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 3#Sexy posters|Mailbag #3]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 4#Dissolving homoerotic thoughts in stomach acid|Mailbag #4]]</ref>

Chris has also encouraged women to not [[Alcohol|drink]], [[Tobacky|smoke]], or be physically abused while pregnant, as this could cause the baby to be born homosexual, as if Homosexuality is like Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. <ref>[[Mailbag 5#Daniel Tammet/Punching your baby will make it gay|Mailbag #5]]</ref> Chris is also convinced that his chances of becoming homosexual have been raised because he did not engage in heterosexual intercourse before maturation,<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Dating_Education</ref> hence his oft-stated regret that he did not get [[dating education]] classes in high school, and his recommendation that they be made available for the youth of today.

Considering the myriad of habits Chris has cultivated which are highly atypical for a straight male, it seems certain that he has been at the very least sexually confused. He is demonstrably very aggressive and insecure about it.

==Hatred of homos==
Chris is not simply afraid of becoming a homo himself--he hates all gay men. This animosity seems to result primarily from his fear of them (and all men) and their supposed ability or desire to make him gay. He has often characterized the [[trolls]] - all of them - as homos, which is either a basic ''ad hominem'' attack or a sincere belief that anyone who draws penises on [[Rosechu (character)|Rosechu]] must be gay. It also reveals a belief that all of his trolls are male, since Chris uses "homo" exclusively in reference to gay men. This notion is not only [[Vivian Gee|demonstrably false]], but in fact [[Chris and reality|completely delusional]], since many of Chris's greatest trolls have been women, and Chris knows it. This exercise in selective memory likely stems from Chris's loathing of male [[JERKS]] and inversely-proportional adoration of [[Gal-pals|women]].

Notably, in [[IRC (02 January 2009)|an IRC chat]] from 2 [[January 2009]], Chris made this statement:

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [sic] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "[[Wikipedia:Deck the Halls|Deck the Halls]]"|Chris, 2 January 2009, 11:59.}}

[[Image:Bionic2.jpg|thumb|Chris projects his repressed homosexuality onto [[Bionic the Hedgehog|one of his own abominations]].]]

Chris further went on to propose a bizarre form of conversion therapy in which all gay men would be imprisoned and made to sleep with both female offenders and prostitutes, thereby "reprogramming" them. Interestingly, a certain [[wikipedia:Heinrich Himmler|Herr Himmler]] had a similar idea, suggesting that "pink triangle" concentration camp prisoners be forced to sleep with (female) camp prostitutes.

{{quote|[they would be] taken in and reprogrammed with multiple upon multiple pleasurable moments with female prison inmates and prosts.|Chris, 2 January 2009, 12:01.}}

On 30 [[January 2010]], Chris voiced his sagacious opinion about the ban on homosexuals serving openly in the American military. He advocated the lifting of the ban, but only so that "[[Mailbag 49#Chris loves his country|the homos can go die in explosions]]."

The universe of [[CWCville]] has also seen an anti-gay jihad. On 5 [[January 2010]], Chris stated that [[Magi-Chan]] keeps a constant psychic surveillance to ensure that there are no homos in CWCville.<ref>https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Mailbag_31#Magi-Chan_knows_when_you_fuck</ref> When evidence of homosexuality is found, the people involved are [[Chris and the Law|arrested and fined heavily]]. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris's comic self travels into the future, where scientists have successfully isolated the "homo gene" (An idea stolen from the ''[[Family Guy]]'' episode "[[Wikipedia:Family Gay|Family Gay]]"). They have not, however, isolated the "straight gene", and are only able to when Chris donates his own blood (Chris has once remarked that [[Wikipedia:Sonderbehandlung|homosexuality could be cured by injecting blood from straight men into homosexuals]]). Chris then brought back to the present enough of the "cure" to turn every gay person on Earth straight. Ironically, a vaccination traditionally consists of introducing a small amount of the disease to a body to stimulate the immune system - so Chris unwittingly implied that his blood contains the dreaded homo virus.

A classic case of Chris's homophobia surfaced in the struggle over advertisements on his CWCipedia. Jack Thaddeus purchased ad space on the CWCipedia to put up 2 ads. One featured Peter Griffin of ''Family Guy'', pointing out that he and his creator, Seth MacFarlane, were supportive of gay rights; and the other promoted Mexican tourism with a cartoon [[pickle]]. Chris unsurprisingly went berserk, stating:

{{quote|I understand you getting paid to run ads in that box on the Cwcipedia. I feel okay with Vivian's [[Audiobooks]], BUT I feel OFFENDED with the Mexico Contest and Gay-Rights Ads. The Pickle on the Mexico ad reminds me of a terrible time in my past with Pickle-Suited TROLLS, and '''I AM AGAINST HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLES and FOR STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUALITY.'''|Chris.<ref>http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=User_talk:WikiSysop#The_New_Ad-Links</ref>}}

In protest, Chris replaced Jack Thaddeus's gay-friendly ads with ads for [[wikipedia:Love In Action|Love In Action]] (an "ex-gay" ministry), ProtectMarriage.com (a site promoting [[wikipedia:California Proposition 8 (2008)|Proposition 8]]), and a site calling for a boycott of Pepsi due to their gay-friendliness. To sum it up, in one fell swoop, Chris managed to put in three big things that would ''not'' win him any gay friends whatsoever.

As with his fear of becoming a homo, the origins of Chris's deep homophobia are not clear. Certainly [[Bob]] had an influence, as the [[Matthew Noble call]] showed that he had the same kind of deranged hatred and prejudice as his son. On 7 January 2010, when answering the question of how he began hating the gay population, we got this interesting insight:

{{quote|I estimate that I started hating them about Summer, [[2003]] just after I started my Sweetheart Search, where I received the response from one woman, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I am a Lesbian." That, combined with my PAST dislike of MEN in general AND the later pictured images of such acts led me to DISGUST AND HATRED FOR THE HOMOSEXUALS. Plus ALL of the Homos within the Trolls AND all Homosexual Fans with their WRONGFUL Quoting of MY comics and characters in THEIR PAPERS and ESSAYS promoting homosexuality, and EVEN WORSE a Sonichu BALLOON in one of their God DAMED Pride Parades!!! ALL OF THESE FACTORS have ONLY made my view of the Homosexual Males WORSE!|[[Common Questions#Answered 07 January 2010|Chris, before finally stating (for the umpteenth time) that Sonichu is straight.]]}}

If this is true, Chris made no reference to it at the time, restricting his hatred solely to the heterosexual male [[JERKS]]. It is certainly ironic considering his more recent views on lesbianism. It also adds another interesting aspect to his hatred: Chris's frustration with homos is influenced by his being childish and whiny about not getting his way with ''one'' woman who turned him down. We wouldn't expect anything different from him.

Chris knows that his homophobia is unpopular with his fans, and he has often tried to persuade the public that he respects homosexuals for "who they are". However, he usually betrays his sincere intolerance of different lifestyles soon afterward - often within the same statement. On [[CWC Update 18 February 2009|18 February 2009]], for example, Chris issued one of his retractions of his previous homophobic remarks and declared that he respects "the gay people" just as he respects his gal pals and his [[List of Chris's sweethearts|sweethearts]]. However, this was done at the insistence of [[Julie]]; [[CWC with Bible - Leviticus|a mere month later]] Chris was [[Chris and religion|reciting verses from the Bible]] to once again preach against the vile homos.

On 14 [[June 2009]], Chris posted a "[[music]]" [[video]] called "[[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]", which, in his tradition of ruining everything you ever loved, is a homophobic version of [[Wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]]'s satirical song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from ''[[Wikipedia:The Boondocks|The Boondocks]]''. Later on that same day, he published an [[I'm Sorry, Dude|apology]] for the video and insisted that he likes gays who "ac...accomplish other things, like [[Wikipedia:Stephen Fry|Stephen Fry]], who was a homosexual, but y'know he did a good job being a narrator on ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]''." Chris was of course unaware of the various other career accomplishments of Stephen Fry. It seems that this apology was only posted in the first place for the sake of his gal-pal [[Kim]]'s boyfriend, whose gay brother apparently lost both his arms in Iraq.

On 12 January 2010, Chris again appeared to soften his stance, saying that "I am decreeing that homosexuals will have equal relationship rights within CWCville." However, in the same breath Chris clarified, "gay marriage is still Illegal and Wrong. And [[Magi-Chan]] will stay out of those people's heads under my request."<ref>[[CWC Blog#12 January 2010]]</ref> The reason why gay marriage isn't an "equal relationship right" is not readily apparent.

More recently, not long after coming out as a "male lesbian," Chris felt deeply uncomfortable with being perceived as "gay" or "homo," and in Facebook statements attempted to exclude gay men from his crusade for gender equality. No doubt under the influence of his new sweetheart [[Catherine]] and other gal-pals, Chris retracted these clumsy statements, apologizing for the umpteenth time.

{{quote|I am accepting of the gays as people, just like most any individual person. Seriously, you all be proud of who you are. All I ask is not to find any reason to feel anger towards anyone of any orientation, race or whatever, based on their individual actions or offense as an individual person of self. Also, please disregard all of my past and Way past thoughts of turning gays straight; that was very wrong of me. I am very sorry about that, and continue to be true and proud of yourselves for who you are, as I am Very Proud of myself for being a Lesbian Transgender (a Female, Lesbian Soul trapped in a male body).|Chris, surprisingly redeemable.<ref>[[September 2014 Facebook Posts]]</ref>}}

He also announced his support for the Human Rights Campaign, going so far as to say that homophobics "are none other than the Cyber-Bullies and Internet Trolls who put hate on the innocent around the world; Young and Old. Some of which even put pressure on to force you into being something you know fully that you are Not!" Interestingly, his prior notion that all trolls are homosexuals had been completely reversed to the idea that they're all homo''phobes'', illustrating that Chris still believes that any detractor of his is part of an organized movement and [[Chris and his Ego|has personal flaws]].

However, if the past is any judge, the end of his relationship with Catherine has no doubt caused his homophobia to resurface. He confirmed in late 2014 that despite the fact that comic Chris shares his new gender identity, [[Reldnahc]], his opposite, is still an evil violent homo.<ref>Commissions</ref>

On 26 [[June 2015]], the Supreme Court upheld the constitutionality of gay marriage. Chris, shockingly enough, reacted very positively towards this:

{{Quotebox|Congratulations to us all for Nationwide Marriage Equality! If a holiday be made of June 26, 2015, how about ‪#‎PridependenceDay‬!

Now, I still require my Sweetheart to be my future wife. As a ‪#‎Lesbian‬ ‪#‎Transwoman‬, I do feel I am compatible with Any woman.

And No, I am not mistaken. I have been genuinely feeling and [[List of Chris's lies|identifying like a woman for about my whole lifetime]]. I never could appreciate the [[JERK|male's]] Neanderthal interests. And I felt more appreciative and comprehending of [[Women's Rights|fashions, makeup, shopping]], [[Chris and remorse|empathy]], identifying feelings and [[Death threats|looking to resolve problems]] [[Sub-episodes|reasonably]].

Plus, I have a great deal of [[Chris and Anger|self control]], and I can bring good and pleasant [[semen|tidings]] to an all woman party.

‪#‎LoveWins‬ ‪#‎OneFamily‬ ‪#‎LGBTQ‬ ‪#‎Pridependence‬ ‪#‎Pride‬}}

In [[October 2015]], Chris released a [[Apology for past homophobic comments and homophobia.|video]] in which he apologizes for his past homophobic statements and iterates that he is now supportive of male homosexuals, while still drilling the point home that Sonichu and Rosechu are straight. He almost simultaneously [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] [[Sonichu 10]] and replaced the fictional gay epidemic with a bizarre [[Nombie-zazis|Nazi zombie]] premise, which still has homophobic implications given the context of the comic.

==Chris on his alleged homosexuality==
[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be [[Warning - Naughty Women ;)|having sex with THREE WOMEN?"]]]]

* "I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT! I WILL NOT BE VEERED INTO ANY OTHER DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE DIRECTION!!!!!"<ref>[[Masturbating and squirtin']]</ref>
* "I'm STRAIGHT! I'm STRAIGHT! '''YOU'RE the homos!''' EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!"<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 3rd, 2008]]</ref>
* "I'm straight, don't doubt me!"<ref>[[PS3 History Level]]</ref>
* "Listen, as hard as you fucking can, I CAME OUT OF MY AUTISTIC [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|CLOSET]] AS A STRAIGHT MAN, and NOTHING ELSE. SO YOU IMMATURE JERKS CAN JUST FUCK OFF."<ref>[[IRC (20 January 2009)]]</ref>
* "Yep, you heard me. I am...a [[gaybian|gaaaaaaaaay...bian]]."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the First Video]]</ref>
* "Anyway the, uh- anyway so, to get to the point...fine. I'm guhh. I'm gaaaay. I'm gaay. I said it...OK. Yep. So...did I really come out of the closet there? That just depends on y'all- how y'all understand it."<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 5th, 2009#Transcript of the Second Video]]</ref>
* "And look at me. Do I look like- [*shakes head in disagreement*] '''No more of those stupid acquisition messages!''' Get it through your fucking, individual, damn, dirty SKULLS! '''[[List of Chris's lies|I. Am. STRAIGHT!]]'''"<ref>''[[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]''</ref>

===“Christopher” Christian “Ricardo” Weston Chandler’s Address to the Homosexuals===
On 6 August 2009, at a time when the trolls were getting the most mileage out of baiting Chris regarding his sexual orientation, Chris posted a wide-ranging, [[Chris and anger|hate-fuelled]] rant on the [[CWCipedia]] which he hoped would clear up all misconceptions. His "Address to the Homosexuals," subtitled "I AM STRAIGHT!!! NOT HOMO; NOT BI; STRAIGHT!!! GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULLS!" is a classic statement on the issue. Unfortunately it had no noticeable effect on the trolling. The essay in full:

{{quotebox|
Good day, I write this essay with sound mind to address the major issues that has been bugging me constantly for the past few yeas, The Pressure and '''Stress''' FROM the Homosexual Population.

First off, as I have said OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND '''OVER Infinite Number Of Times''', ''I, “Christopher” Christian “Ricardo” Weston Chandler, AM STRAIGHT.'' '''[[Tomgirl Saga|No Question or]] [[Gaybian|Shadow of a Doubt, EVER.]]'''

I personally respect the individual people as fellow human beings, and I am cool with associating with them as acquaintances and friends, but Please Do Not Wave Around what you do behind closed doors around me; '''NOBODY CARES TO KNOW; I PERSONALLY DO NOT CARE TO KNOW.''' Even within my imagination, I Do Not Care to even have the pictures Randomly Pop up in my head. Every time of such pictures’ appearance, ''I feel Queasy and want to Throw Up.'' I humbly apologize for being offensive, but that is how I feel.

As a human being, I have no hard feelings conversing and associating with the homosexuals at any time. Individually, they each have a right to their own opinions, perceptions and peaceful lives. I fully understand and respect that.

''The only thing that really Grinds My Gears Harshly is being '''Wrongfully Labeled as a Homosexual when I am straight.'''''

I am aware of the way I [[Speech impediment|stutter]], space my words and all that from the way I talk, but I assure you, that I sometimes have trouble fully comprehending situations and status at first; it sometimes takes me a long while before I can fully comprehend and make an appropriate reaction. In another word, ''I am Sometimes Retarded.''

And the ONLY REASON I have not had sex yet in my lifetime WITH A WOMAN yet, is because '''the WHOLE TIME, I have been SHY'''; kept down with the ''Personal Fear of nearly EVERY Woman I see being Already Paired-Up with a Boyfriend''. I am not a man who likes confrontations with the guy who has spoken for the woman I’m eying over. And during my High School Years, '''I WAS NAÏVE on the subject of DATING''' (''Bring in Dating Education Classes, and Run them Alongside or Before Sexual Education, and make Dating Education Equally Mandatory)''. [[Honor roll|It had not dawned on me that I NEEDED TO BE DATING until AFTER I had turned Twenty-One-Years Old]], during my Third Year attending Piedmont Virginia Community College.

And my '''Sonichu and Rosechu Comic Pages'''; again, I understand each individual person has their own perception of things, BUT Contrary to the individual perceptions among some people, '''The Comics, Drawings, and ALL Words ALL HAD NO MEANING OF ANYTHING Homosexual Whatsoever!''' I Personally in Real Life AND in the Comic Pages and all that '''PROMOTE BEING STRAIGHT''', No Question or Shadow of a Doubt.

All Those of You have Heavily Wrongfully Misunderstood Parts of All the Comic Pages and all that of such.

'''I, All my Sonichus, Rosechus, and citizens of Cwcville, Virginia, Do Not Appreciate At All Being Wrongfully Labled as homosexuals. IT REALLY INFURIATES ME, Sonichu, Rosechu and EVERYBODY ELSE.'''

I have also heard of My Sonichu being ''written in College Essays that promote homosexuality.'' And even worse, ''promoting him in the Gay Pride Parades.'' '''WRONG LABELS; STOP WRITING OR PROMOTING ME OR MY CHARACTERS AS SUCH!''' ''[[Reldnahc Notsew Niatsirhc|ALL Sonichus Are Straight!]] [[Silvana Rosechu|ALL Rosechus Are Straight!]] I Am Straight! My Comics are STRAIGHT COMICS.'' I, Sonichu and Rosechu, '''We Never Want to be part of ANY AND ALL Homosexual-Promoting Papers or Events, because with EVERY ITEM that is created from NOT OF MY OWN HANDS that EVEN Inklings such Wrongful Labelings upon, ME, Sonichu, Rosechu, and ALL MY STRAIGHT CHARACTERS, WE ARE ALL BEING DISREPECTED!'''

We will Never Take the Misunderstandings, Mislabelings And All The Like Sitting Down.

I, Personally, would RATHER have a PAINFUL Gender-Change Operation than EVER Turn Homosexual.

'''So, to reiterate, I, and 96 % of ALL CHARACTERS, are ALL STRAIGHT!''' ''NEVER EVER CALL me, my comics, or any of MY STRAIGHT Characters GAY!''

<nowiki>*</nowiki>sigh*

And to conclude, while I personally do not care about the homosexual lifestyle that swift, and I personally respect each individual homosexual person as individual human beings, '''The MAIN thing that really Infuriates Me is being called gay. DO NOT EVER Call Me Gay, or EVER Question My Sexual Orientation.
'''

''[[Lie|I, “Christopher” Christian “Ricardo” Weston Chandler, Am Straight]]. Period.
''

Thank you.}}

==Views on lesbianism==

Whereas Chris's discomfort with homosexual males has been fairly consistent, his views on lesbianism have wildly vacillated. In Chris's ''Carrie'' rip-off, "[[The High School Story]]", his Mary Sue character Terrah LeAnne Yowman is ridiculed and accused of being a lesbian by kids at her high school because she hangs around with male friends. As the work serves as a backstory to the villainous [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens]], Terrah's bullying may have served as a fictional inverse parallel to the endless accusations of homosexuality lodged by Chris' detractors, illustrating Chris' worldview of implied homosexuality as an insult.

{{quote|She felt angry when she heard "Lesbian"; when called that, she would leave the bully an intimidating [[Creepy stare|glare]] with a purple glow from her green eyes. Then soon after, a Strong, Straight [[Christian Weston Chandler|Homophobe]] would attack that bully with [[Chris and religion|No Mercy]]; beat the crap out of that person.|"[[The High School Story]]"}}

On 25 July 2009, Chris produced a [[CWC "Boyfriend"|rambling and nonsensical video]] to the tune of Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend". In the middle of the video, Chris sings about the importance of "being straight" and intersperses a "STAY STRAIGHT" caption on a photo of a lesbian couple split in two.

{{quote|
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me!
Hey, you! Hey, you!
You need to be straight, girl!
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your boyfriend! }}

Later, Chris would gradually revise his former hard-line attitude against lesbians. In ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'', Chris goes out of his way to state that the children of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] are watched over by [[Heather Iglesias]], whom he characterizes as "a pretty, trustworthy, good natured Spanish Lesbian."<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu">[http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Cwcipedia: Sonichu]</ref> He further mentions that Heather keeps her sexuality a secret from the kids at the request of Sonichu himself.<ref name="Cwcipedia: Sonichu"/> Chris may have shoehorned a lesbian character into ''Sonichu'' to appear more tolerant, but his attempt comes off as half-hearted in light of his continual derision of gay men and insistence that Heather hide her sexuality.

In [[Mumble 1]], which took place on the last day of 2009, Chris declared his support for lesbians and reiterated his simultaneous hatred for gay men, stating that he hated [[JERKS]] in general, and how (typically) a porn DVD helped to soften his view on lesbians. In effect, Chris claimed that he supports lesbians because he believes women are beautiful, and hates gay men because men are icky.

{{quote|Uhh. Pretty much but it's like you know, between lesbians, it's like, hmm, partial [dis]courage. But then it's- but then again, but then between guys instead I would definitely 100% discourage. In my humble opinion...I've uh talked to others before with uh, [[PandaHalo|Sarah]], my uh s-s-Sarah, my girlfriend. I can not be willing to do a threesome with uh two women, but defina- but definitely never with two guys.|Chris, [[Mumble 1]]}}

{{quote|Yes, Yes they are- yes they're they're more beautf- they're more beautiful. They're like, they're really- they're truly like works of art in their own way- just like yeah you know, just like you know the statues that uh, were in past times.|Chris, [[Mumble 1]]}}

On 28 [[March 2013]], Chris posted a public [[Facebook#Gay Marriage |Facebook message]] whining about repeat media coverage of the Supreme Court's [[:wikipedia:Hollingsworth v. Perry|Proposition 8]] and [[:wikipedia:United States v. Windsor|DOMA]] deliberations. In it, he reiterated his support for lesbians and his disapproval of "the damn homosexual males".

===Chris the lesbian===
[[File:Chris at a gay bar.jpg|right|thumb|Chris's selfie from a gay bar restroom. Disturbing, but unsurprising.]]
On 14 [[August 2014]], Chris posted on his [[Facebook]] page that he himself was now officially a "lesbian-identified man".<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out...kinda]]</ref> He posted a picture of himself holding an LGBT flag. He stated that "I support the LBT fully; the G.[ay] M.[ale]s are fortunate to be on this boat." On 31 [[October 2014]], Chris spent that [[Halloween]] at a gay bar dressed as a "Groovy 70's Lesbian",<ref>[[October 2014 Facebook Posts]]</ref> further evidencing his apparent acceptance of homosexuality, in that visiting a gay bar was [[Chris and hypocrisy|THE thing Chris had specified on multiple occasions that he would never do in his life]].

However, as anyone who's even mildly aware of sexuality and gender will tell you, a lesbian male isn't actually a real thing. The idea of a "lesbian in man's body" is just something a guy might google after [[mass debating]], and Chris's citation of '''Yahoo! Answers''' to validate its existence is unpersuasive to say the least. Whether or not Chris has had a turn of heart, and realized the error of his ways when it comes to homosexuality, we'll just have to wait and see. Sexuality seems to be the most powerful governing force in Chris's self-definition, and as such it is perhaps unsurprising that it has changed so dramatically over time, given his utter failure to find his place in the world.

Chris's identification as a lesbian is closely tied to the next subject...

== Chris and transsexuality ==
{{quote|Tranny Pride, Worldwide!|Chris calling himself a derogatory term for transgenders, 14 August 2014<ref>[[Brassieres For Males#Chris comes out]]</ref>}}
[[Image:Die-cis-scum.jpg|thumb|right|Likelier than you think.]][[Image:Chris_15_Aug_2014_changed_profile_pic.jpg|thumb|right|Chris the "Male Lesbian Intersex Transgender."]]

Given that Chris lacks basic [[English]] skills, it shouldn’t be surprising that he has trouble navigating the linguistic minefield of ''transgender'', ''transsexual'', ''transvestite'', ''intersex'', ''bisexual'', ''hermaphrodite'', and his own ''tomgirl''. For someone who hates mislabelings, he sure is sloppy when it comes to these labels. On his [[OKCupid]] profile, when asked, "Would you date a transgender person," he replied, "Yes, as long as she was born female and was still female (or a tomboy)."<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers]]</ref> He told [[Jackie]] that the fact that he loved wearing women’s clothing did not make him a “transvestite.”<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 24]]</ref> He told gal-pal [[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails|Rebeckah Bentley]] that the [[unclit]] made him “bisexual” when he meant intersex; he promptly flipped his shit when Rebeckah asked if he wanted to fuck dudes now.<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Introducing the un-clit]]</ref> All of Chris’s claims about sexuality or gender identity need to be viewed through an autistic filter.

That said, Chris has spent many years struggling to articulate his position on transgender topics. In the early years of trolling, he confessed that he was uncomfortable with the idea of transgender people, and made it clear that he was not sexually attracted to them. “I have given thought about the transgenders and transvesites; I do not feel comfortable with them….[D]icks are dicks, and I do not care about them, except for my own,” he wrote in a [[January 2009]] chat.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref> He later reiterated: “I Do Not Care Much for Transgender People or Hermaphrodites, but I do not discriminate them as individual people.”<ref>[[Mailbag 26#Reusing the same excuses for everything else!]]</ref>

{{quote|I would NEVER CARE to have sex with a Hermaphrodite.|Classic Chris, 15 January 2010<ref>[[Mailbag 39#Shemales and man-tits]]</ref>}}

Yet somehow, he could not let the issue rest...when [[Wikipedia:Bailey Jay|Bailey Jay]] introduced herself to Chris in a [[Mailbag]] letter, revealing some naughty selfies, Chris’s initial reaction was completely phobic at the sight of this "hermaphrodite." Later though, after Jay let Chris know that he had hurt her feelings, he reached into his shallow well of empathy. "I can relate to how you feel. Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I was born female instead, because of some of my emotional, caring, self-conscious thoughts I had in my lifetime. Then I would later remember that God must have made me all straight male for good reasons."<ref>[[Mailbag 25#It's a trap!]] and [[Mailbag 27#Is Chris hitting on Bailey Jay?]]</ref> When Chris looked at this beautiful woman with a large pickle, he saw a distorted reflection of himself. He was not yet ready to abandon his “straight male” identity, though.

After becoming a [[tomgirl]] in 2011, even though he was still officially a "heterosexual" and "proud to be male," some of his words and actions betrayed a deeper gender confusion. He started using women’s restrooms. He told Jackie that he fantasized about "fit[ting] in at a lesbian bar," where he believed he would have no trouble seducing a lesbian and persuading her to bone "in lesbian's position (the scissor-thing) with my dick in her vag."<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 25]]</ref> In December 2013 he confessed to Rebeckah, "I wish I was born female, with the possibility of being a lesbian."<ref>[[Rebeckah Bentley E-mails#Dead end of a life]]</ref> He still seemed unsettled, especially since being a tomgirl wasn’t working to attract a Sweetheart/Soulmate.

On 14 [[August 2014]], he came out publicly, although as what exactly wasn’t certain, given his garbled and inconsistent vocabulary. The initial announcement was that he was "a Tomgirl, Intersex of Female Soul with Male Body, and a Tranny Cross-Dresser." Then he said he was a "Lesbian Identified Man and a Cross-Dressing Tranny." Two weeks later he was telling [[Catherine]] that he was a "Lesbian tomgirl transgender male" but also "[[Three-Quarter Woman|three-quarters woman]]." By September he seemed to have settled on "Lesbian Transgender (a Female, Lesbian Soul trapped in a male body)."<ref>[[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Chris comes out...kinda]], [[August 2014 Facebook Posts#Flirt the skirt!]], [[Catie Date Conversation Transcript#Understanding the whole tomgirl thing]], and [[September 2014 Facebook Posts#Alright, Alright, NOW It's OK to Be Gay]]</ref> In [[April 2015]], apparently no longer a "man," he changed his Facebook pronoun to "she" and his name to "Christine".<ref>[[April 2015 Facebook posts#A new pronoun]]</ref> This month also saw the beginning of a flurry of Facebook "likes" for all sorts of progressive transgender issues, such as restroom choice and gay marriage. Whatever he was, he was certainly proud of it, and wasted no time trying to persuade his new L(G)BT personal army to wage war against local manajerks.

===Does Chris Want the Operation?===
Almost immediately upon being discovered, Chris revealed that he had been giving a lot of thought to contingencies which might require him to lop off his [[duck]]. In 2007 he told [[Megan]], “if I ever stoop down to changing my path [i.e., becoming a homo], I might as well would get a gender change operation.”<ref>[[Megan emails, Aug-Dec 2007#Chris is angry about Megan kissing her friend, then pities himself]]</ref> He also made it clear to anyone who asked that he was literally nauseated by the sight of his own penis (and all other penises). It might seem self-evident, then, that Lesbian Transgender Chris would be eager to undergo sex reassignment surgery. However, in his intellectual discourses on transgender controversies, Chris has expressed some ambivalence. In a February 2009 chat, when asked if transwomen should "go under the knife," Chris replied:

{{quote|Um...[long pause] no. I- no no. And also I'll tell you- I'll tell you this- and if I ever have a trans-gender child with both sets of, uh, with both sets of uh, genitals, I would uh, raise that child to be a boy.|Chris, apropos of nothing<ref>[[Mumble 6#On The Transgender Community]]</ref>}}

He similarly told a troll impersonating transgender porn actress Bailey Jay (who also hadn’t asked) that "if I should ever have a hermaphrodite for a child, I would raise that child with the mentality of a boy/man."<ref>[[Mailbag 27#Is Chris hitting on Bailey Jay?]]</ref>

For a long time, these were puzzling statements, given his hatred for [[JERKS]] and all manner of pickled cucumbers. As his own gender identity mutated, however, Chris revealed his reasoning. In early 2014, on his OKCupid Q&A, he was faced with the question, "Imagine you have a newborn child whose sex cannot be determined. A risk-free surgery performed immediately could provide normal male or female sexual and reproductive function. Which would you choose?" Chris’s answer was, "Do not perform the surgery." He added,

{{quote|If a Hermaphrodite, I would raise it to be male regardless since it would not have any eggs anyway. Plus big bonus for (him) in sex with all women (lesbians included I would imagine).|Chris, exemplifying the wisdom of Solomon<ref>[[List of OkCupid Answers]]</ref>}}

In other words, there were two obstacles in the way of Chris losing his duck. First, a sex change operation wouldn’t provide him with reproductive organs. Since, as a woman, he would not be able to give the birth to [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|Crystal]] personally (which is his true fantasy), he must first impregnate someone, as many times as necessary until the appearance of his God-promised daughter. He can’t adopt, because Crystal must come from "blood, tears, and semenal descent."<ref>[[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#10 November]]</ref> He criticized fellow tranny Ahuviya (whom he incorrectly believed to be [[Jack Thaddeus]]) for trying to have the operation, claiming that he "would definitely not be considered any at all a woman--a woman whatsoever" because "he would not have a uterus, and he would have no repoductive [sic] organs. I mean, I want to have children someday. Obviously, he don't."<ref>[[Calling Out Jack Thaddius - Ahuviya]]</ref>

In late 2014, he could not persuade a sperm bank, lesbians on a message board, or his friend [[Open Relationship E-mails|Renee]] to serve as the vessel for Crystal.<ref>[[Semen#Donation]]</ref> So for now, its purpose unfulfilled, the Ugly Growth must remain.

The second reason he can’t get the surgery is that the duck is an [[Attraction Sign]]. As much as he loves to crow about being a "Lesbian," Chris wants to be "open to all women, Straight, Bi, and Lesbian." In a [[May 2015]] Facebook Q&A, regarding the operation, he was equivocal, and wrote, "I am exploring making the best of this body for Any Woman born with a vagina." If he wants to be everything for everybody, he will need to hold onto the duck.<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#All This and Eye-Contact Too!]] and [[May 2015 Facebook posts#The Mailbag Returns]]</ref>

It should also be noted that Chris doesn’t have a fucking clue how sex reassignment works. In [[June 2015]] he posted an advertisement on Facebook: “I deserve to be a full woman with a full functioning vagina. A- blood type, if anyone wants to put up the money and trade.”<ref>[[June 2015 Facebook Posts#Let's Trade Genitalia]]</ref> As with most things he wants, Chris prefers to sit on his fat lesbian ass and wait for "a Magical Transformation of my body from Male to completely Female."<ref>[[Open Relationship E-mails#Depressed on Christmas]]</ref>

===In CWCville===
Before his slide into “femdom,” Chris used the intersex character [[Silvana]] to symbolize the evil trolls. The evil [[Count Graduon]] told her, “I am going to grant you with the power to transform like a Ditto. My price is that you will have to relinquish your ability to give birth, and you will be upgraded to have both parts. So with the biological upgrade complete, your years of training can begin.”<ref>[[Sonichu 8 Official Videobook#Episode 18]]</ref> She proceeded to seduce and horrify the tranquil community. After Chris modified his gender identity, [[Sonichu and Rosechu's children|Robee Sonichu]] also became a tomgirl, and later a full-fledged male lesbian. In May 2015 he confirmed that [[Comic Chris]] was a “Lesbian Transwoman,” and [[Retroactive continuity in Sonichu|retconned]] [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] as a D-cup female with “a uterus and ovaries,” possibly to be renamed Chrissy-Chan Rosechu. Then, through the power of his imagination, Chris managed to ''impregnate himself'' with a turkey baster and give birth to twins.<ref>[[May 2015 Facebook posts#Meet Russel and Cynthia]]</ref> This scenario is probably as realistic as Chris ever getting a handle on his own gender.

==Evidence against Chris's heterosexuality==
[[Image:564Homos.jpg|thumb|left|At least Chris doesn't fail at cataloging pictures. [http://archive.sonichu.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Homosexuality No, it's not a shoop].]]

[[Image:CWCMonica.jpg|thumb|[[Niggos|Oh lawd, is dat sum lipstick on Chris?]]]]

{{quote|First off, should such images [of men's asses] enter your mind at random, just stop yourself. I have had this problem too. I would take all such images when they enter my mind and just delete them; I imagine, in my mind, rolling them all into a ball, shrinking it down, and tossing them into a garbage can that links to my Stomach through a direct bodily vein. I imagine the feeling of it falling through the vein and making its splash landing into the stomach acid and dissolving; gone forever.|[[Mailbag 4|Mailbag #4]] - Chris admitting he's had homoerotic fantasies ([[Recycling|and eats imaginary man asses]]).}}

[[Image:Sonichuballs.jpg|thumb|For someone who claims to be straight, Chris sure does love talking about BALLS. Also, balls are touching.]]
[[Image:0430-ChristianWTallStack2.jpg|thumb|That's one [[pickle|phallic]] [[Lego]] tower you're building there, Chris.]]
[[Image:Chris-Straw.jpg|thumb|Why do I get the feeling he wants to suck a [[duck]]?]]
[[File:ChrisNewShoes.png|thumb|Totally not gay at all.]]
[[File:ChrisOneEyebrow.png|thumb|''One... eyebrow.'']]

Ironically, the [[Autistic dick|harder]] Chris [[I am STRAIGHT|tries to convince people]] he's straight, the less so he appears. He has absolutely no awareness that an uptight, milquetoast, colorfully-dressed, squeaky-voiced man saying "I am straight! I have a subscription to ''Playboy''!"<ref>[[CWC Update 18 January 2009]]</ref> every five minutes looks like he has something he's trying to hide. Furthermore, the more we learn about Chris, the more gay he really appears to be.

* Chris has stated that if he were unable to stay straight he would undergo sex reassignment surgery; he would rather be female than gay. It should be noted that straight men never, ever, put this much thought into this hypothetical dilemma.<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref>
* He collects [[My Little Pony]] figures well into adulthood, and began this collecting way before ''Friendship is Magic'' premiered.
* For a straight man, he sure does [[Semen#Transcript|consume a lot of semen]]. Likewise, the idea of [[Kacey Call 1|licking his own ejaculate]] off one of his gal-pals sexually arouses him.
* Like many gay men, most of his "friends" were female and he never slept with any of them (despite his best efforts to do so).
* In a [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|PSN chat with Julie]], Chris revealed that he randomly has images of penises (his own and others he's seen in porn) pop into his head. He also claims to hear voices in his head that say "Christian is gay." Unless Chris is having ''very specific'' auditory hallucinations, it's likely he has homoerotic daydreams and freaks out about it. In the same chat he sounded ''delighted'' describing the first time he saw semen in a porno movie as a teenager.
* In the chat where [[Julie Reveals Herself]], when [[Max]] told Chris to suck his duck, Chris asked, "How can I do yours if I'm all the way over here?" instead of simply saying "no", although this could simply be his autistic mind trying to cope with hyperbole. Also, later on in the same chat, Chris attempted to show Max his duck when the latter began to taunt him with claims that he had a pussy. While you might be thinking that it's just a typical knee-jerk reaction from Chris, an [[Julie_Reveals_Herself:_The_Prequel|earlier chat]] reveals a part where Chris ''offers'' to show Max his dick.
* He owns, or at least has owned, anal beads and a vibrator, and he is on record as having experimented with putting both toys in his anus. In a chat during the [[Vanessa Saga]] on 16 [[April 2009]], he claimed that he no longer shoved things up his ass, except for "a narrow jet of water from my adjustable shower-head on a hose."<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 3|Vanessa IRC Chat III]]</ref> Although it is quite possible to stick things up your butt and still be straight, people who are terrified of being turned gay generally do not do this.
* Chris said that he would put a large dildo up his ass for [[Ivy]] "in a heartbeat," and would let her fuck him with a strap-on.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 7|Vanessa IRC Chat VII]]</ref>
* Chris said that he might let a gay guy fuck him if Ivy wanted that.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 9|Vanessa IRC Chat IX]]</ref>
* Chris once drew [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], a male character, on his duck.
* During their correspondence, [[Jackie]] told Chris she was curious about anal sex.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 5]]</ref> Instead of taking it to mean she wished to be penetrated from behind (as most men would have understood it), Chris thought she wanted to use a strap-on/anal bead on him and said he would comply. In her next email, Jackie clarified her intentions but said she was open to the prospect of being the penetrative partner,<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref> leading a jubilant Chris to discuss his past anal experiences in detail.
* According to [[List of Chris's Adam & Eve purchases|receipts]] uncovered by trolls, Chris specifically asked for anal beads as a gift with an order of pornography. Chris, however, lied, claiming that the anal beads as well as a vibrator were sent to him as a gift with an order of straight pornography; he did not ask for them or pay for them. Chris kept said vibrator around for months.
* In the [[Chris Sex Logs|sex logs]], Chris shows off a dildo to [[PandaHalo]]. He immediately suggests the phallic sex toy is something that [[Sex_Logs#This_is_my_dildo|goes up your butt]], and then immediately denies it's been up his butt. He also says having a dildo in your butt "will feel good."
* His absolute revulsion to seeing other men's penises. If Chris was truly straight, he would not be uncomfortable seeing other men's penises because he would have no interest in them sexually.
* On [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|5 February 2009]], Chris posted two videos stating that he was coming out of the closet as a [[gaybian]]. He later issued a retraction, which was far less persuasive.
* When negotiating for the safe return of his PSN account from [[BlueSpike#Max|Max]], Chris was given the choice of burning his [[medallion]] or shoving it up his ass. Chris immediately chose to shove it up his ass.
* When Julie finally revealed herself as a [[pedofork|13 year old boy]], Chris's immediate response was "I did not know you were a 13 year old!" making it sound like he's shocked by the age but not the least bit concerned about the fact that he's a boy.
* Chris thought a straight woman would be turned on by [[Nudes|close-up pictures of his buttcheeks and anus]], not that anybody of any orientation would find it erotic.
* The [[Belt Buckle of Fail]] is pink.
* He owns a set of [[Anime Wings]], which are essentially hair clips, which are essentially women's fashion accessories.
* His best man at [[CWC's "It's All Coming Back To Me"|his wedding]] is [[Sarah Hammer]] in drag.
* He sang "I Love the Nightlife" on his [[Chris's Big Night Out|visit to a local bar/restaurant]], which is popular at gay clubs and drag revues.
* [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (album)|''Christian and the Hedgehog Boys'']] features two covers of the [[Wikipedia:Backstreet Boys|Backstreet Boys]], one of a [[Britney Spears]] song, and one of a [[Wikipedia:Ricky Martin|Ricky Martin]] song. This music was popular among thirteen-year-old girls when it was new and is popular among the gay community today.
* Chris wears a [[bra]]. In fairness, he uses it to [[Fridays After Five|try to attract women]].
* He [[Clyde is Weaker than Water|implores men to wear bras]] because looking at shirtless men makes Chris uncomfortable,<ref>[[Mailbag 55#On brassieres|Mailbag 55]]</ref><ref>[[Mailbag 55#Draconian_fun.21|Mailbag #55]]</ref> possibly arousing latent homosexual urges.
* When you look up "Homosexuality" at the CWCipedia, you ''literally'' see his own portrait (as shown on the screencap at the top of this section).
* In the [[PS3 History Level]] video, he showed that he owns a copy of the first ''[[Wikipedia:Sex and the City (film)|Sex and the City]]'' movie when he showcased his then-current collection of [[PS3]] games and movies.
* In his response to a letter in [[Mailbag 4]] about "impure" homoerotic thoughts, Chris confesses that he "[has] had this problem too," and has to resort to deleting them through a curious process that involves dropping the thoughts into his stomach acid, lest the gay gene take its toll.
* Chris reacts to [[Alec Benson Leary]]'s ''[[Asperchu]]'' comics by giving all the characters a [[Wikipedia:Queer Eye|free makeover]].
* In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris donates some of his "straight blood" to doctors in the future so that they could make a vaccine against homosexuality. Vaccines are made from the virus, implying that Chris is "infected" with homosexuality if his blood could be used to make a vaccine.
* One of Chris's ''[[ModNation Racers]]'' vehicles is called "A Man's Toy", which is a light blue carriage with [[rainbow]] lollipop wheels and a message that says "Tea parties are good and nice" on the rear end of the carriage.<ref>http://community.modnation.com/en-us/players/Sonichu/creations/1296110</ref>
* In the guise of his trollsona [[JenkinsJinkies]], Chris used [[Trollin Train]] to go into far more detail than was necessary about a supposed homosexual encounter, describing various acts with a relish out of place for someone who claims to be disgusted by the mere thought of a duck.
* In the above same Trollin Train post, he mentioned achieving comeuppance before vomiting, indicating he had an erection, and thus was sexually aroused from being sodomized by a man.
* He made a drawing of [[Punchy Sonichu|Punchy]] [[:File:Punchylaylalove.jpg|wearing panties and a bra]].
* He also made a [[:File:SchuSoneeRosey.jpg|drawing]] of a [[Sonee & Rosey|Sonee and a Rosee]] in which the hairless spot on the Rosee's abdomen looks suspiciously like an erect penis.
* The [[Scrapbook of Fail]] contains a [[:File:115-CWCEmbarassed.jpg|self portrait of Chris]] as the ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' character [http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Dark_Magician_Girl Dark Magician Girl].
* He voluntarily dressed up as a woman, went out in public and used [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia#Re: Girly Things Tee Hee|the woman's washroom]]. While not all cross-dressers are homosexuals and vice-versa, men who are afraid of being seen as a homosexual generally do not take a disturbing amount of pride in cross-dressing in public. When Bob learned of Chris's antics, his immediate response was to call him a "fag".
* On 29 April 2012, Chris 'reveals' that the gay camp experience story he made up as [[JenkinsJinkies]] was a fake. Aside from the fact that [[Naive|absolutely nobody fell for this at all]], it does leave this question: Out of all of the stories that Chris could have made up under a fake identity, why did he go with one where he gets sodomized at [[Pedofork|seven]]?
* [[It's not that cold]] shows Chris infamously saying, "Would you fuck me, 789chan? I'd fuck me." Take note that Chris is dressed in a mini-skirt and hikes it up to reveal his grotesque man ass at the camera, indicating that he'd like to be taken from behind, all in an attempt to re-enact ''The Silence of the Lambs''.
* Whenever anyone calls Chris out on his [[Women's rights|objectification of women's bodies]], he is always quick to back-pedal and say he appreciates women more for their personalities, unaware that personalities are the key reason for relationships between gay men and their female friends.
* Chris created a modified version of the song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There" from ''The Boondocks'' called "Don't Trust Any Homos Over There". However, the character who sings the original song is Uncle Ruckus, a self-loathing black man. This makes Chris look like a self-loathing homosexual.
* The fact that he thinks that ''staring at a poster'' will keep himself straight implies he has homosexual thoughts and fantasies that he wants to keep in check. The irony of the fact that he thinks staring hard enough at a poster of Sailor Moon, a gay icon, will magically suppress these homoerotic urges is lost on him.
* After [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc]] became Chris's equal and opposite as the result of the latter's brief immersion in the [[Dark Mirror Hole]], he turned openly gay. One would think that this logically means Chris is straight, except for the fact that it's made clear that the two differ only in their openness, not their homosexuality.
* Chris posted an absurd "riddle" on [[Facebook#The_Riddle|Facebook]] containing random pictures, containing Mark Cuban, lemon cake, Delaware Blue Hens and the Sphinx. It's worth noting that [http://i.imgur.com/oKAtnAo.jpg Mark Cuban] is gay, lemon cake is often dyed rainbow in [http://i.imgur.com/qy1U14g.jpggay pride festivals], Delaware is one of the only states to uphold [http://i.imgur.com/YVAnfl9.jpg gay marriage], hens often exhibit homosexuality, and there's a game called [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gay%20chicken Gay Chicken], and the sphinx is also a breed of cat. A breed of cat that's [http://i.imgur.com/uBwdEdz.jpg really gay].
* In 2012, Chris signed in the [[CWCki Forums]] as "paintingatree". The term "Painting The Tree" is [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Painting%20the%20tree act slang for oral sex], which may refer to his duck.
* Chris posted a picture on [[Facebook#I_got_new_shoes|Facebook]] showing his new shoes. Note the gay pink laces and it looks like sneakers worn for women.
* Chris posted a pointless picture on [[Facebook#One Eyebrow|Facebook]], showing his eyebrow. Note that it's '''eyebrow''' and not '''eyebrows''', as [http://www.discodamaged.com/2010/12/lesbians-to-grown-on-eyebrow.html lesbians are proposing to grow one eyebrow on Decembrow].
* Chris pierced his right ear (twice), a common, albeit dated, code for homosexuality--"Left ear buccaneer, right ear queer."
* Chris wrote a [[February_2014_Facebook_Posts#Tabitha_St._Germaine|Facebook post]] comparing Tabitha St. Germain, the voice actress of Rarity from ''My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'' (among many others), to gay icon Judy Garland.
* Attempting to prove that [[Christopher's name change|Christopher]] is a separate identity, Chris favorited and commented on a number of gay [[pedofork]] [[anime]]s on [[YouTube]].<ref>[[:File:Recent Activity.jpg]]</ref>
* In his August 2014 Facebook posts, Chris identified himself as a 'tranny' and a 'Ho Mo' ''(for the ladies, [[Chris_and_English|according to him]])'', placed a marriage equality support symbol on his page's banner, and spoke about women being "supportive" of his choices. He's blissfully unaware (or ''outright doesn't care'') that all of this makes him look like he's come out of the closet. Not to mention, he calls himself a derogatory term for transsexuals.
* He [[October_2014_Facebook_Posts#Chris_hits_up_a_gay_bar_.28seriously.29|went to a gay bar on Halloween 2014]].
* He is a member of the local [https://www.facebook.com/groups/eventsatimpuslegsc gay club] on facebook.
* He once glitterbombed Sega. Glitterbombing was started by the gay community as a way to protest opponents of gay marriage.
* His [[26 December 2014|can of mace]] is colored pink.
* He posted a story on [[Facebook]] about him as [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] having sex with [[Magi-chan]] and getting pregnant.
* The tote bag he used at [[OmegaCon]] had a marriage equality logo and the words "TOTES GAY" written in bold capitals on it.
* In his [[Twelve New and Old Things of Christmas]] video, his song mentions how his true love had given him "drag kings, and the transmales that have "not" have the operation change yet".

==See also==
{{CWCipedia|chris=Homosexuality}}

* [[Chris and religion]]
* [[Chris and sex]]
* [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet]]
* [[Don't Trust Any Homos Over There]]
* [[Gay 4 Sonichu]]
* [[Gaybian]] (a "male lesbian", according to Chris)
* [[Heather Iglesias]]
* [[It's UGH!]]
* [[Magi-Chan]]
* [[Rainbow]]
* [[Reldnahc Naitsirhc]]
* [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]
* [[Tomgirl]]

==Sources==
<references/>

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Homos]]

CWC's Second Message

2017-03-14T04:43:42Z

Largo best: changed spelling in transcript

{{Quote|Citizens of the [[Chris and the Internet|internet]]'': I present an open message to each and every one of you.|And so it begins...}}

'''CWC's Second Message''' (a.k.a. '''Madman Rising''') is the [[video]] that introduced [[the internet]] to the world of [[Chris]]. It was posted to [[YouTube]] on 3 [[August 2008]].

After months of trying to either ignore or edit his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page, Chris [[Chris and anger|explodes with fury]]. He blames ED for causing his fallout with [[Megan Schroeder]], although anyone with a brain could tell that it was his fault for drawing [[She Came for CWC|pornography involving her]] and sharing it to the world. Chris also begins threatening to withhold the release of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]] and all further comics unless the ED page is removed. Naturally, [[trolls]] were terrified that they would never see the conclusion to the absorbing story that Chris had created, and rushed to meet his demands.

This is a beloved classic in the CWChronology, and it was in this video that Chris unintentionally coined the term "[[pedofork]]".

==Video==
{{Tardrage}}
{{Infobox/video
| name = CWC's Second Message
| video = {{#ev:youtube|kPQlpGFWNgE}}
| stardate = 3 [[August 2008]]
| subject = {{Rumors|text}}, {{Homos|text}}, {{Comics|text}}, {{Galpals|text}}
| style = {{Rage|text}}, {{Tragedy|text}}, {{Comedy|[[CWC is Sad|Unintentional Comedy]]}}
| saga = {{ED|text}}
| shirt = {{RedShirt|text}}
| previous = [[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]
| next = [[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)]]
}}

===Transcript===
''Citizens of the Internet'': I present an open message to each and every one of you.

[[Chris and his ego|Y'all should know me by now]], but, if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, ''the'' original creator of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]], the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], back on March 17th, [[2000]]. Any dates earlier are void. I present this open message because...I have a whole bunch of people on the Internet [''removes [[Pedo-Glasses|glasses]] dramatically''] give me hate...show me a lot of hate...and I do not appreciate it. Ticks me off.

You think you can just...hate me just to get a laugh out of yourself. Think about it. [[Twin Falling Towers|You're laughing at somebody else's pain and torture]], because I am lonesome, still trying to find a [[boyfriend-free girl]] and to make into a [[sweetheart]]. Y'all think I'm just a sap, a chump, dumbass, whatever you may think. But you know what? You. ''You!'' Every last one of you, who has shispressed hate against me? ''You're'' the shitheads!

[[Image:Herbert (Family Guy).JPG|thumb|Chris at age 70, if his cholesterol would allow him to live that long]]

Also, every last one of you who thinks that I am similar to that...of that senile old man in ''[[Family Guy]]''...''you're'' the pedophiles. Every one of you who thinks I'm [[homo]] and calls me that—-because I am not; I'm ''straight''! I'm '''''straight!''''' ''You’re'' the homos! Every last one of you!

I could--I could take the whole time to express so much ''anger'' and frustration. I'm only nearsighted; I do wear glasses. [''replaces glasses on face''] Take it or leave it, losers! [''removes glasses dramatically, again''] It m--it helps me see better...see more detail...and more clear vision than any of you knuckleheads can put together...out of your own ego that you so richly...[''begins awkwardly tapping PS3 controller''] consume of.

But...on a more serious note: learning recently of the false--or real--literature, with downloaded...''copies'' of my comic pages and whatnot. It has been either distributed or created ''without'' my consent or approval. So...it ''is'' a fake...and if it ever is published, or if it ever shows profit, let it weigh on your consciousness throughout your eternal life...that you are torturing and--worse off--tearing the heart, and soul, and emotions of the innocent man. The out--the innocent--still 26-year-old [''slams arms down on chair’s arms''] ''virgin''. Not only that, but I have so many lonely nights and stress...that you can not just imagine it!

Now, as for the other serious note: of any new stuff officially made by me, under my own...hands...''not'' by anybody else's, which are considered ''false''. I just have not been feeling the inspiration to draw! To color! Because the loneliness...I cannot stand that. The hatred I'm getting from every last one of you who has contributed to that Encyclopedia Dramatica webpage...and every other forum, internet document, lewdly-drawn pictures with...''dicks''. I love ''dykes! DYKES!'' '''''[[CHINA]]!''''' [''jump cut''] I'm ''straight!'' If I ever--if I see a dick, I just look away, with a moment of being freaked out! [''makes arm gesture for “safe!”'']

[[Image:ShecameforCWC (200803).JPG|thumb|left|"She has come for me"]]

''And'' e-mailing me pictures is not gonna get any of you any further conclusion to "Will [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]] get out of [[Dark Mirror Hole|the mirror]]?", "Will the 7 [[Sonichu Balls]] be collected?", "Will I ''ever'' find my [[sweetheart]]?" ''And'' am I--am I or [[Megan Schroeder]] still an item--" which by the way, she broke up with me so much long ti--so much long ago because...the contributors to that ED page...you broke the emotional stre--strength between us. You promoted such twists and turns to everything I have said [''begins tapping PS3 controller against his hand to count the offenses''] and drawn and written and ''whatnot''...you broke up the best friendship, the best relationship, the ''closest'' I could ever have in this ''pitiful adult life!'' ''You'' did it! Every last one of you! If I could blame myself, I would definitely blame myself for drawing [[Rule 34|those ''5'' pictures]]! Those 5 drawings! And, by the way, that is not ''Crystal'' whose eyes are censored; [''covers eyes with one hand momentarily''] that is ''Megan!'' And just for--and just for--for...taking it up,and--twisting it around and such!

Think about it. ''Think about it!'' Weigh it on your conscience! Because nothing--no more official Sonichu...art or work may...or may not...ever emerge...depending...on the amount of hate that is decreased! That web page: ''taken off the Internet''! I wish I'd never found that piece of ''SHIT''...in the first place, back on that [[Halloween]] of [[2007|’07]], somewhere around there. And promoting the hatred, and...drawing such loose--such ''lucrid'' mockeries...is ''not'' gonna further the story plot or have anything new created, or even gonna help in any way...as I am telling you this, right into my [[PlayStation Eye]]!

[''sighs deeply''] If I ever do find the one that is to be my sweetheart, I will...give her such care, such tenderness, such love...we get around to the [[hanky-panky]], that's fine, that's good...we get married. I will have my God--create--my [[Crystal Weston Chandler (daughter)|God-called daughter]]! She will be taken care of...lovingly. Those of you mock me otherwise, with such ''frivolous, lucrid adultery''...if I ever hear another--any more new stuff, it will weigh on your conscience, with me ''tearing at your souls''...emotionally! Let ''that'' weigh on your conscience, for those of you who have already done so or are thinking about doing it!

I am not a [[pedofork]], you '''DORKS!'''

[[Image:Chris chan by B Comes B-459.png|thumb|Mmmm China]]

[''sighs''] I tell ya...so much anger, so much stress...it's hard to see straight. Let that, the result of all that you have contributed against me, weigh heavily like a 10,000-pound anvil! "[[wikipedia:Sixteen Tons|Sixteen tons]], whadd'ya get? Another day older and deeper in debt!" [''pronounces the b in "debt"'']

[[Chris and religion|If I was not a baptized man]] over at the [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|Methodist church]] by the [[University of Virginia]], I'd tell every last one of you that contributed to the hatred and downpour, "Go to hell." But I can--but I would not even weigh that upon my worst enemy, because that--because [[Take that Page DOWN NOW!|I am]] [[26 December 2014|more]] [[28 October 2011|kind]] [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|than]] [[Sonic Boom Protests|ya]] [[Death threats|think]]. Y'all just do not see that; y'all just twist my words around. [''clears throat''] I do not wish to see any more hatrey, or adult mockery, and I want that Encyclopedia Dramatica page taken down for''ev''er. It will weigh heavily on your conscience each day that it is ''still'' up there.

[''replaces glasses on face''] I leave you with any other thoughts that you ''may'' have. But if you ''dare'' twist ''these'' words around, that will weigh ''worse'' on your conscience. The words that ''I'' provide...from sound mind and ''heart''...it will weigh heavily on you.

[[Obesity|It will weigh ''heavily'' on you.]] {{clear}}

==Fan videos==
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = Creator of the Internet
| video = {{#ev:youtube|hxN_TCywHPg}}
| stardate = 15 [[September 2008]]
| maker = Jawsusfreak777
| subject =
| type = }}
{{Infobox/Fanvideo
| name = CWC's Second Message
| video = {{#ev:youtube|kPQlpGFWNgE}}
| stardate = 13 November 2009
| maker = Sumguy21
| type = Remastered version of original video
}}

==See also==
*[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Chris Chan's Public Announcement]]|nextlink=[[Attention All Sonichu Fans (NOT HATERS)]]|}}
{{Captain's Log}}

[[Category:Captain's log entries| 2008-08-03]]
[[Category:Chris-chan videos, August 2008| 03]]
[[Category:ED Saga videos| 2008-08-03]]
[[Category:Videos about homos| 2008-08-03]]

Mumble 9.5

2017-03-09T15:33:20Z

Largo best: removed a link

'''Mumble 9.5''' is the continuation of the [[Mumble 9|ninth]] [[Mumble]] chat involving [[Chris]], held on 23 [[February 2009]].

In this chat, [[Clyde Cash]] and [[the Miscreants]] accuse Chris for many things, such as not caring for his [[Aunt Corrina]]'s death, [[List of Chris's games|wasting money on video games]], and being a terrible son to [[Bob Chandler|his father]].

==Summary==
After [[TheCWCvilleLibrary|Arjen]] threw [[death threats]] against him in the last chat and prompted him to leave, Chris rejoins the chat. Clyde and the Miscreants again bombard Chris with accusations that he doesn't actually care about the death of his Aunt Corrina, but is more sad that a funeral is ruining his birthday. The trolls again accuse Chris of blowing money on [[vidya]] (with Clyde leveling the accusation that Chris and his family have spent more than $20,000 on games). Chris, being Chris, offers little of substance in response.

Chris also aggressively defends that he's a good son to Bob when the topic comes up, claiming that "..they spent a lot of money on me!", which says a [[Chris and Money|lot]] about Chris' character. Clyde's words about Chris not being a good son to Bob also come to pass years later, as Chris chose to [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|make blackmail videos]] instead of caring for his dying dad, and opted to update his [[Attraction Sign]] on [[Facebook]] on the same day his father died, and to this day, has mentioned nothing about him, save for [[Facebook#An_Open_Note|siccing his ghost on his trolls]]. Compare this to the [[Patti_Chandler#Eulogy_for_Patti.2C_as_written_by_Chris|gushing tribute he gave to his ''dog.'']]

In one of the more famous Mumble moments, Chris admits that he may be "[[Autism|retarded]]" and that his mind doesn't think so quickly...making it obvious why he goes out of his way to mock "[[A Week With Christian Chandler#Page 6|slow-in-the-minds]]." Also, Chris once again swears up and down that he has been giving Clyde's suggestions to get a job a "lot of thought". To date, Chris has still not gotten a job, making this another blatant lie.

Chris eventually storms out of the chat after being told he is afraid to go outside, and that leaving his [[14 Branchland Court|house]] for a change is the only way to get the Miscreants to leave him alone.

===Timelines===
(00:00)
* The chat begins in the middle of a conversation between Clyde and Chris. The latter left the chat not too long ago, but eventually came back.
* Clyde says Chris has improved nothing in his life.
(00:30)
* Chris says he has been thinking "very hard" about [[Wendy's|getting a job]], going to [[Julie]], and convincing [[Bob]] and [[Barb]] that Julie is real.
(01:00)
* Chris feels it is significant he is ready to spend "fifty to a hundred" dollars to go see Julie.
(02:00)
* Chris says the trolls do not realize how much stress he has because he must go to a funeral for his [[Aunt Corrina]] and that it is "happening on his birthday of all days."
* Clyde says Chris is more sad about his birthday than Aunt Corrina.
* Chris cries hard over Aunt Corrina dying
(03:00)
* Chris's blubbering suddenly improves and stops, indicating that it's likely bogus.
* Clyde tells trolls to let Chris cry.
(03:30)
* Chris says he is "possibly retarded," since his mind doesn't think so swift.
* Chris says he often doesn't even give thought to the actions he does.
(04:00)
* Hearing about the fire "made Chris so sad" and he "cried his heart out."
(05:00)
* Chris says love is like "standing on top of a mountain" and having "good wind" blow through your hair.
* People are to get to know each other through "pleasant conversation" and it is not all about the "bonus round."
(06:30)
* Chris says women should get to know men "[[gay|from the inside]]."
* Chris felt "true honest respect" from Julie, [[Blanca]], [[Sarah May]], [[Sarah Jackson]] and [[Panda]].
(08:00)
* Clyde says if he knew what true love was, Chris would know they were trolls. Chris says "trolls or not, I still care about them very much."
(08:30)
* Chris has got "some good memories" of those women.
(09:30)
* Chris claims he has learned from his mistakes and learned how to sort the "true from the false."
(10:30)
*Chris angrily responds to a question about Megan.
(11:00)
*Clyde asks whether Chris realizes why Megan left. After a pause, Chris says it is because he "got into her personal space" and "violated her drawing."
(12:00)
* Chris says he feels the [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|sexy drawing]] and sexy websites are "appropriate" and says "the eyes are censored and you can't recognize Megan."
(13:30)
* The trolls insult Chris and tell him they haven't slandered him- they've only posted his words.
* Chris claims he has been misinterpreted and has gone through "so many revolutions and personal upgrades for the better."
(14:30)
* Clyde says the Miscreants have estimated Chris has spent over [[list of Chris's games|$20,000 on video games in his life]].
(15:30)
* Chris blames the ED page for him not getting a job.
(16:00)
* Clyde attacks Chris for misspending his tugboat. Chris says he spends his money by paying the bills, his rent, and credit cards.
(16:30)
* The trolls say there is no way Chris will ever support a family.
* Clyde accuses Chris of being $2000 behind in credit card debt.
(17:30)
* Clyde says the Miscreants can't be stopped, and Chris stops answering.
(19:00)
* Chris says he goes outside every day, but changes the subject.
* Chris says [[Max]] has said to pass on the message that Julie will be at HQ in ten minutes.
(19:30)
* Chris says '''"most everything I tell you is the truth."'''
(20:00)
* Chris angrily yells that he did not have the money or support to go see Miyamoto.
(20:30)
* Chris says he went out with Bob to get [[McDonald's|breakfast]], since Bob likes the company.
* Chris reads comic strips in newspapers.
(21:00)
* Clyde says Bob wants someone intelligent to talk to, but all he has is Chris.
* The trolls say Chris is a bad son, and his parents have spent a lot of money on him.
(21:30)
* The trolls say Chris should make his own decisions and not just do everything Bob and Barb want.
(22:00)
* Chris says he is "more likely to stick to a routine."
* Clyde says Chris will just keep going downhill.
* Chris's only response is to tell the trolls to "shut up," and he leaves the chat.
* The trolls discuss the next chance to troll Chris and what BlueSpike should do next.

==Transcript==
{{quote|Ahhh, Jesus Christ.|Chris, Once again showing us his devout Christian ways}}

'''Clyde''': [''audio cuts in mid-sentence''] We've given you so many chances to improve yourself, I've tried to help you but you never listen. [''long pause''] 
'''Chris''': [''[[sigh]]''] Clyde, could you repeat the question, I didn't have my headphones on? 
'''Clyde''': I've been trying to help you this entire time, but we've grown tired of you doing ''nothing''. 
'''Chris''': I ''have'' been doing something 
'''Clyde''': What have you done? 
'''Chris''': I have been making plans, I have been thinking very hard about getting a job and about going to Julie and convincing my family that she is, that she is a real woman. [''sigh'']I'm probably, I'm not lying, spending about $50-100 of my own money just to try, just to try go up and visit her. 
'''Clyde''': How much money? 
'''Chris''': 50 to 100. 
'''Clyde''': That's not a lot, you know that right? That's chump change in today's society. A long time ago one of our former, former [''inaudible''] Vivian [''inaudible''] but anyway she tried to help you but you didn't listen. 
'''Chris''': Well, look, I'm sorry. Look, I'm sorry about, look,I'm sorry about a lot of my past mistakes about not listening to everyone ok, but I've been under a lot of [[stress]]. 
'''Clyde''': What is this stress? You always cite stress. 
'''Chris''': Stress STRESS, Stress of the mean people that ha has give me such bad mark, uh, that have made a bad name and such. 
'''Troll 1''': Chris you don't know what stress is, you don't have a job you don't go. 
'''Chris''': [''interrupting''] I have a lot of stress in my life, [[Chris and his Ego#Fishing for Sympathy|my Aunt Corina just died and I have to go to her funeral and I'm going to be very sad that day and the funeral is happening on my birthday of all days.]] 
'''Clyde''': Shouldn't you be more sad about her than your birthday? 
'''Chris''': I am very upset about my Aunt Corina, she was a very sweet woman 
'''Clyde''': But you seem to be complain about it being on your birthday 
'''Chris''': Look, stop talking about that, OK? I love my [''Clyde butts in with a half formed sentence''] I feel sympathy for my Aunt Corina. She smoked and when she went to the hospital she died at the age of 75, her her, her cancer deteriorated her left lung and her liver and her brain. 
[''both Clyde and Chris try to speak''] 
'''Clyde''': Go ahead, sure, why not 
'''Chris''': And they kept her alive as long as they could, they could, till she breathed...her last breath—[''pulls out an Academy-Award-winning performance of tears, bawling all over the place. The trolls can be heard slightly chuckling in the background. He then says, between sobs and with a heavy heart''] We knew that she was dying [''Chris is too emotional here to make out what he is saying''] and that we were able to say we loved her one last time, over the phone. [''sob''] 
'''Clyde''': Well, they did their best. 
[''Trolls mock and imitate Chris''] 
'''Troll 2''': This is DELICIOUS! 
'''Clyde''': Silence, let him cry, let him cry. [''inaudible''] but this does not excuse for all your other past actions. 
[''Chris has made a miraculous mental recovery from his emotional state''] 
'''Chris''': [''loud sigh''] Look I'm unfit, I'm possibly retarded, okay my mind [[Slow-in-the-minds|doesn't think so swift]]. I- I- uh, I'm likely even to make mistakes on the fly without realizing it. Sometimes I don't even give thought to something I've said [''inaudible''] but I can give a lot of before when I move from pe- uh, move from, uh, move from [[Panda]] to [[Julie]], because I though- I thought she had died in that fire. I was I uh my heart was petra uh about that possibility after I about that fire in Austra- uh post, It made me so sad. [''sobs creep back into Chris's voice''] 
'''Clyde''': Now this I can't believe. I believe your Aunt Corina and I'm sorry for your loss but about Panda, NO! 
'''Chris''': I cried my heart out. 
'''Clyde''': And then you just moved on, just like that. 
'''Chris''': NO, I uh, no I did not move on just like that. 
'''Clyde''': But you claimed she was your love your love. You don't know what love feels like, Chris. 
'''Chris''': I do know what love feels like. 
'''Clyde''': What does it feel like then Chris? Can you describe it? 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] It's... uh [''sigh''] it's indescribable, it's a priceless feeling, it's like you know you feel most elated, it's like your standing on top of a mountain with the wind blowing through your hair and it's a good wind. It's just uh love feels so good. True love feels so good especially when it, uh, comes between two people who have known each other for a long while and have got to know each other through pleasant conversation. And uh you know the bonus rounds are there too I mean I'll admit that but what I enjoy most are the pleasant conversations and learning about the kind sweet uh kind sweet women that they are [''sigh''] and that they care me and respect me very much and it just makes me feel so much better to know that I'm respected by the women. Because I felt, because it's like I don't get a lot of respect from people, from bad people like y'all being mean like right now. And this is just [''tears welling and emotion rising''] is making me want to cry. 
'''Clyde''': You said the women. Are you talking about a singular person or all women? 
[''once again, Chris has composed himself amazingly well''] 
'''Chris''': No, no I said women, women. 
'''Clyde''': You mean you want to be respected by everyone? All the women. You want to love them all? 
'''Chris''': No 
'''Clyde''': Or is it down to one person? 
'''Chris''': No, uh, wait. Now you're twisting my words around 
'''Clyde''': I'm just saying whatever you say. 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] Look I could uh, its a, look when I talk about the respect from a woman I'm talking about [[honest]] respect like after she's got to know me from the inside like, uh, most women should get to know their man, before they go have a relationship with them or or whatever. And if [[Julie]] just, you know between [[Blanca]] and [[Sarah Jackson]] and [[Panda]], [[Sarah May]] and Julie. I was very happy that day when I felt such respect when I felt the true honest respect of them. And there's noth- you know uh you know I'm sorry to have forgot to have mentioned Sarah May when I mentioned Julie [''inaudible''] when I was asked a question about naming friends. I'll admit I'll admit I was wrong. I was wrong I was wrong and I thank Julie very I mean Sarah Mayver, damn it, I did it again. I got mixed up. You, Y'all mixed it up when you mixed up my emotions because I'm upset all this. Anyways anyways Aunt then got to the hospital and I felt so sorry for- 
'''Clyde''': No need, no need for lies to keep up the false stories. They are all trolls. They are all trolls. Chris have I not got this through your head. Panda is sleeping right now if you could be more quiet. Sarah May is perfectly fine. Blanca, Blanca well I don't know where she's off to, the other two people behind Blanca I don't know and Sarah Jackson is still alive. They are all trolls, Chris. It's because you don't know what true love is. 
'''Chris''': I know what true love is. 
'''Clyde''': If you knew what true love was, then you would realize that they were trolls. 
'''Troll 7''': Yep. 
'''Chris''': Look, trolls, look, trollers or not I still cared about them very much. 
'''Clyde''': What? 
'''Chris''': Trollers or not, I still cared about them very much. 
'''Troll 3''': you're just bullshitting 
'''Chris''': And I- and I- I got so- I got so many good memories of them. Some bad sure and some even bad but good 
'''Female troll''': Chris all those memories are false. 
'''Troll 2''': You deluded pig. 
[''two people speak at once''] 
'''Troll 1''': Every scenario, all us. 
'''Clyde''': We were behind it all. 
'''Chris''': look I know y'all, I know y'all are feeding me lies right now 
[''huge reaction to this, everyone talks over each other''] 
'''Clyde''': You still believe that they were not trolling, this is the thing. Really? Even after Blanca destroyed your medallion, after Panda sudden mysteriously disappeared when she doesn't even live in that part of Australia, well, not any more she doesn't, but anyway. You still believe it. 
'''Troll 4''': You are stupid, Chris. You do not learn from your mistakes. 
'''Chris''': Look [''sigh''] I do learn from my- I have learnt from my mistakes. 
[''several people speak''] 
'''Chris''': I have learnt to take so many bullets and lies that were aimed directly at me, I learnt to take them like uh, like [''inaudible''] in the wind. Just let them fly by. let them fly by. I have learnt to sort the truth from the false. Panada true, definite true, definitely comes from the woman, from the people themselves. 
'''Clyde''': Why would you see through that one [''inaudible''] Julie after Sarah May and Panda. Urgh, I'm disgusted by that. But we'll make sure she never meets you. 
'''Troll 5''': Anyway 
'''Chris''': Look, y'all, are just, look y'all are just trying to make me feel bad because I have- because I have been delayed- because I was delayed in drawing comics as often as I should be 
[''eruption of sarcastic "oh yeah"s''] 
'''Troll 2''': You idiot, this isn't about the comics 
'''Troll 6''': How's [[Megan]] by the way? 
'''Chris''': I DON'T KNOW, I haven't seen her in a long time. 
'''Troll 6''': I wonder why 
'''Clyde''': Silence, silence, OK, I want to ask you one last thing, well not one last thing but a useful thing. Why do you think Megan left you? Can you think why now? I think I've asked you this before. 
'''Chris''': I can only think because I got too much in her personal space and I violate her with [[ShecameforCWC.jpg|the drawing]]. 
'''Clyde''': That was probably your only chance for true happiness and you screwed that up, and you're still doing it time and time again. 
'''Troll 7''': Yo, that drawing's fucked up, yo. 
'''Clyde''': And you still manage to post it up on your website. Why? 
'''Chris''': I don't... [''sigh''] 
'''Troll 6''': Clyde's correct, Chris. 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] It's a sexy drawing and it's [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|a sexy website]] and I thought it was appropriate. 
[''several people respond''] 
'''Chris''': Besides, in the drawing the eyes are censored out, it's not like you can recognize the woman. 
'''Clyde''': [[Censorship]] does nothing once you've admitted it, Chris. 
[''trolls agree with Clyde's sentiment''] 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] 
'''Troll 6''': And besides, we thought that was your [[sister]] for the longest time. 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] [''whispering''] Jesus, Jesus. 
'''Troll 8''': I thought that was a better theory, actually. 
'''Chris''': Ahhh Jesus Christ. 
'''Troll 6''': Maybe you shouldn't have said anything, Chris? 
'''Chris''': Maybe not but y'all didn't have to twist my words round on everything make up all these dang stupid false slanderous theories and whatnot. 
'''Troll 7''': Dude, yo, that's bullshit. 
[''trolls disagree with Chris's sentiment''] 
'''Troll 1''': We're just going off what you've told us. 
'''Troll 8''': Exactly. 
'''Clyde''': [''Unclear''] What did you expect would happen? 
'''Troll 2''': You lowlife. I hope you bleed in slanderous Hell. 
'''Troll 1''': We've never slandered anyone. We just take what you've said and post it for people's interpretations. 
'''Chris''': That's my point, you've misinterpreted me. 
'''Clyde''': Well, you're going to have to correct yourself one day, you have to [''inaudible''] 
'''Chris''': I have been correcting myself, every day from the lessons I've learned and the mistakes I've realized I've made. 
'''Troll 8''': Really? 
'''Chris''': I've gone through so many self-revelations and uh,and uh,and personal upgrades for the better. 
'''Troll 7''': Like yo [[PSP]. 
[''trolls laugh''] 
'''Chris''': Forget about the friggin' games systems. 
'''Clyde''': Surprising from a man who spends over a thousand dollars on it. You see, Chris, you have a problem. You need to stop buying video games, you need to sell them all. They're no good, they're not helping you 
'''Troll 1''': It's only when you lose everything that you're free to do anything. 
'''Troll 8''': The man speaks the truth. 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] 
'''Clyde''': You have, We have estimated you have over twenty thousand U.S. dollars worth of video games, all at some points of your life. Why would you spend so much? 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] Well I started from childhood, I was brought up, I was brought up with video games. I started with a Commodore 64, when it was brand new. Just saying. 
'''Troll''': Chris, that is not a valid excuse. 
'''Chris''': It's the truth. 
'''Troll''': That doesn't make it valid. 
'''Clyde''': Chris let me ask you this. How many of the games that you've owned in your lifetime have you actually completed? 
'''Chris''': I have beaten the vast majority of them. I have beat most every [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] game I own. 
'''Clyde''': If you have that much free time on your hands, maybe you should get a job. 
'''Chris''': Hey you know what, for one thing I would get a job, but you know they would punch my name on the Internet, they would find that damn ED page and then- 
[''trolls all speak''] 
'''Clyde''': OK OK, yes you're right, you're right. We have slandered you, well we haven't slandered you. It's only the truth, the truth. I had to say "slandered" because you say that so much, but anyay. Ok let's say you just did have your own eight hundred dollar uhh, whatever you call it, "[[tugboat]]", which is a stupid name. It's a government check. You have your eight hundred dollars to spend and how do you spend that? 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] I got uh, I pay my, I pay my, I pay my family's bills, I give them a monthly rent, I pay my credit card bills 
'''Clyde''': But then you still [''inaudible'']. 
'''Troll 1''': You're right, Chris probably could not get a job but he can not also support himself on his tugboat. So [''loud typing noise''] he can't support his family anyway. Too bad. 
'''Troll 7''': Yo, I can hear that typing, what's with that? 
'''Clyde''': I know that you've revealed that to date you have credit card debts, you're already two thousand dollars behind. How do you expect to raise a family? How do you expect to help Julie? 
'''Chris''': Uhh... [''more loud typing''] 
'''Troll 5''': Ignoring the question, I see. 
'''Chris''': No. 
'''Clyde''': Look, if you go onto your [[YouTube]], beg your fans to bring down us [[the Miscreants]], but you know, your combined powers can not stop us. Nothing can stop us. 
'''Troll 8''': Every time we get knocked down we'll get right back up again. 
'''Troll 10''': And you'll never keep us down. 
'''Troll 11''': And everything that you have typed is through no one's fault but your own. You have, You have to reap what you have sown, Chris. 
'''Troll 1''': the best thing you can do is you know, go back out into the real world with your [[sign]], you know. Wouldn't that be just like old days? You wouldn't have the Internet trolls all over you. You just go outside 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] 
[''rapid fire error noise''] 
[''more loud typing''] 
'''Troll 1''': What are you, afraid of the sun? 
[''trolls all talk at once''] 
'''Chris''': I am not, I am not afraid 
'''Clyde''': [''inaudible''] then why have you not, you know, uhhh I don't know. When's the last time you've been outside Chris? 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] I've been outside, I go outside every day. 
'''Clyde''': To do what, exactly? [''phone ringing''] 
'''Chris''': I enjoy the air, anyway look, [[Max]] wants me to tell you that uhh, Julie will be at HQ in ten minutes 
''Troll'': [''unclear''] 
'''Clyde''': [''inaudible''] I mean, "enjoy the air"? I doubt it. I honestly think you're lying, Chris, again? 
[''more loud typing''] 
'''Chris''': I am not lying to you! Ev- most everything I tell you is the truth and if I make uh I if I make a certain, if I say the wrong things its because I didn't know better at the time. 
'''Clyde''': What do you mean you don't know better? You don't know what the truth and what the uh, false is? 
'''Troll 5''': You can't tell right from wrong? 
'''Troll 8''': You lied to everyone when you said you were going to [''inaudible''] 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] Because they, because, because they were, because they were big-time theories and my families wouldn't support me, I DID NOT HAVE THE MONEY TO [[Miyamoto Saga|MAKE A TRIP]] 
'''Troll 8''': So why lie to us? 
'''Troll 12''': My, my, aren't we a suffering Joe? 
'''Troll 8''': Stuttering Stanley, stuttering Stanley. 
'''Clyde''': OK, we don't need stupid insults, we need real insults, you know. I mean Chris, again, last time you've been outside. Detail it for us. Don't just say you just went out for air, that's a lie. 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] I went out with [[Bob|my father]] this morning for one thing, to go get, to go get breakfast. 
'''Clyde''': Where? I'd like to know. 
'''Chris''': And plus, and plus, plus he likes the company, he takes the newspaer with him. I read the comics and he reads evry- uh he reads the rest. 
'''Troll 7''': [''laughs''] comics 
'''Clyde''': You know I feel kind of bad for your father. All he wants is someone you know, intelligent to talk with but all he has is you. 
'''Chris''': He has [[Barb|my mother too]]. 
'''Clyde''': Well that to but someone of a male camaraderie, someone who can [''inaudible'']. You're not a very good son I take it. 
'''Chris''': I AM A GOOD SON and they have raised me very hard and they have spent a lot of money on me and I love them very much and appreciate them very much for that. 
'''Troll 13''': Almost too much. You seem to value their input more than you actually should. You are 26 years old, you are technically an adult but uhh- 
'''Chris''': Yeah but, it's not like, it's not like uhh. Look I have emotions and feelings and I uh I'm I'm more likely to [[Autism|stick to a routine]] and in order for me to make a big change I had to end up giving it a lot of thought first. 
'''Clyde''': Look Chris, this is the sad sad truth. You are going to grow up and die alone. I'm sorry to tell you this. 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] Look leave me, just just shut up and leave me alone, leave me alone. 
'''Clyde''': We tried to help y- 
'''Chris''': [''interrupting''] Leave my [[Love Quest|love life]] alone. 
'''Clyde''': Whatever. 
[''Chris seems to be reduced to tears and leaves, trolls all speak'']
 
'''Troll A''': Oh.
 
'''Troll B''': Muahahahaha.
 
'''Troll C''': [''giggling''] What the fuck?
 
[''Multiple voices speak at once''.]
 
'''Troll B''': [''nonchalantly''] No—
 
'''Troll D''': Well, okay, we're not gonna strike it—
 
'''Troll D''': We actually got him to cry. We really got him—
 
'''Troll A''': Okay, BlueSpike...
 
'''Troll A''': Blue. Spike.
 
'''Troll B''': Oh. Wow [''elongated''].
 
'''Troll C''': [''unintelligible''] has to get him here again.
 
'''Troll A''': BlueSpike, you—basically you are not—every time Chris contacts you now, you should say [''unintelligible''] stuff, okay?
 
'''Troll A''': BlueSpike?
 
'''Troll B''': [''voice track plays over this voice''] He took your advice.
 
'''Troll B''': He's down now.
 
'''Troll A''': Yes.
 
'''Troll E''': No he's not.
 
'''Troll B''': Way down.
 
'''Troll D''': Guys, I think that he's stuck. He can't get out.
 
'''Troll E''': Who is?
 
'''Troll E''': Who's stuck?
 
'''Troll D''': No matter what we do, he's stuck in his house.
 
'''Troll D''': N-No, it do-it-it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. He doesn't care.
 
'''Troll C''': Who doesn't care?
 
'''Troll B''': He doesn't care?
 
'''Troll D''': It's only faith in him, otherwise—
 
'''Troll B''': Okay.
 
'''High pitched troll''': Screw it!
 
'''Troll B''': I think some people, I'm probably gonna be the first to say it, but, uh...just eat
 
'''Troll D''': [''interrupting'']: I kinda think we went too f—
 
'''Troll B''': I've seen some like that. I've seen some like that eat bullshit.
 
'''Troll C''': We have to get BlueSpike here.
 
'''Troll D''': I just think we went too far. That was a little, I mean—
 
'''Troll D''': I can kind of, like—y'know, to bring him down to tears—
 
'''Troll B''': You heard what he said.
 
'''Troll B''': You say—
 
'''Troll D''': Yeah, I know what he said.
 
'''Troll A''': "I apologize for that and I apologize for the [''battle/debacle''?]."
 
'''Troll F''': And regret even less.
 
'''Troll B''': I can't even find that funny.
 
'''Troll C''': I have no regret.
 
[''Three voices speak at once''.]
 
'''Troll B''': Chris, you're [chained?]—
 
'''Troll F''': But his face of tears to your analogy was horrid.
 
'''Troll A''': I have no sympathy for him because he's a retard.
 
'''Troll A''': I—I—
 
'''Troll E''': Who knows? Who really knows?
 
'''Troll A''': I feel little sympathy for the lower beings.
 
'''Troll E''': I feel sympathy towards the parents.
 
'''Troll A''': Oh, I feel sympathy towards Bob—Bob should've killed himself.
 
'''Troll B''': Yeah.
 
'''Troll C''': I feel the worst sympathy towards his [dog?]
 
'''Troll A''': Yeah, what's he really trying to—'cause I like, I like—
 
[''end'']

{{succession|label=[[Mumble|Mumble Chats]]|prevlink=[[Mumble 9|Mumble Chat 9]]|nextlink=[[Mumble 10|Mumble Chat 10]]|}}

==Links==
*[https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBOE9CZjBTQ3VlZzQ Download]

{{FanChats}}
[[Category:Mumble chats]]

Trolls

2017-03-09T04:48:02Z

Largo best: clarified source for quote

{{Articleofthenow}}

{{quote|...[T]hey are vicious, crazy, wickedly smart people.|[[Chris]] on trolls.<ref>[[Tomboys_And_Tomgirls_of_Virginia#Friendship_Issues|Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]]</ref>}}
{{quote|What a world we live in, with such trolls in it.|[[Bubbles]], in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].}}[[Image:REALChrisChanAndFriends.jpg|center]]
[[Image:Faceless Trolls.png|thumb|120px|The Furies]]
[[Image:Ff7troll.png|thumb|300px|Now for the [[HEXBox]].]]

'''Trolls''' (numbered about eight billion strong) are various individuals of all races, colors, and creeds united under a common goal - to ruin the [[Chris and the Internet|Internet]]'s most beloved and most hated [[autism|autistic]] manchild, [[Christian Weston Chandler]].

Trolling schemes by these individuals have ranged from hacking CWC's websites, making him take [[Nudes|pictures of himself unclothed]], and more.

==Pre-ED==
It is notable that Chris was bullied in real life before his discovery by [[4-cent garbage.com|4chan]] and [[ED]]. It can be argued that the first known torment of Chris occurred when his lifelong-friend-who-no-longer-speaks-to-him, [[Sarah Nicole Hammer]], [[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares#Memories of childhood|locked him under the house]] when they were children. The next notable bullying occurred during the infamous mini-date with [[Hanna]] in [[2005]] which smashed his [[heart level]] to 15%. Around the same time, he was also trolled by a girl he contacted through [[MySpace]] named [[MySpace messages#Lindsay|Lindsay Kaye]]. There was also possible trolling of Chris through the guestbook on his website from as early as [[2003]], when "a hot redhead" said that she would meet him outside of [[PVCC]] (either this was epic trolling, or Chris put it on the guestbook himself). And let's not forget about [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and [[The GAMe PLACe]] hijinks.

But this was all child's play compared to what happened next....

== The Few, the Proud, the Elite ==

===Asperpedia Four===
Includes Alec Benson Leary (the creator of ''[[Asperchu]]''), [[Evan Christopher George]] (the creator of ''Simonchu'', and therefore [[Simonla]]), Sean August Watley (the creator of ''[[Moon-Pals]]''), and Mao Ling (the creator of the Asperpedia, which brought them all together).

[[Image:SirWilliamMaysOBE.jpg|left|80px|thumb|BILLY MAYS]]

=== [[BILLY MAYS]] ===
The individual who trolls as the loud-mouthed salesman of the same name, who types in ALL CAPS, and was declared the mayor of [[CWCville]] by Chris on 3 March 2009 while under pressure from [[BlueSpike#Max|Max]]. It is widely suspected that Chris himself had something to do with his untimely [[Chris and death|death]].

=== [[Blanca Weiss]] ===
[[Image:Blanka.jpg|80px|thumb|Blanca's true identity.]]

"Blanca" was really a trio of trolls (RickyRicardo123, Ickeriss69, and Nurse Icky-chan) who tricked Chris into sending them nudes, and later his [[Medallions of Fail|Sonichu medallion]]. Ickeriss later uploaded a couple of [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzlUoAOpiak videos] featuring the Sonichu medallion, including a video in which the medallion is destroyed.

Not to be confused with [[Trolls#Lordsillynipples|LordSillyNipples]], who used the Blanca identity to score the first nudes.

=== [[BlueSpike]] ===
BlueSpike (AKA "LeonSpike", aka "Julie", aka "Max") is a thirteen-year-old boy who pretended to be Chris's [[sweetheart]] "Julie". He later revealed himself as a troll in a now infamous [[Julie Reveals Herself|hour-long audio recording]] in which he berates Christian and makes him stick his Sonichu medallion up his ass.

[[Image:BryanBash.jpg|thumb|left|80px|Bryan Bash (right) with your sister (left).]]

=== Bryan Bash ===
Bryan Bash is a close friend of [[Clyde Cash]]. He is the one who [[Hooker incident|sent hookers over to Chris's house]], as well as the person who called during the infamous [[Bob Walks In|"Bob Walks In"]] audio file, and is responsible for leaking [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg]]. Additionally, he leaked the [[Father Call]] and the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]] to [[/cwc/]] on 11 November [[2009]], and he has also leaked conversations between [[Chris]] and [[Jack Thaddeus]].

=== [[Clyde Cash]] ===

[[image:TheRealClydeCash.jpg|thumb|80px|right|Clyde Cash. The man. The legend. The guido.]]

The nefarious [[Clyde Cash]] is the most infamous and legendary of bullies. A vile and reprehensible fellow whose very name strikes fear and revulsion into Chris's clogged heart and inspires admiration from the souls of bullies. He posed as [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], raped Chris's beloved [[PandaHalo]], and performed many more amazing feats about which songs shall be written and the minstrels shall sing of in the ages immemorial. Unfortunately it will not come to pass since Clyde is serving a life sentence for stealing the identity of Lee Hotti.

=== [[Emily]] ===
A brave soul who went on a date with Chris. She was later saved by the [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Jew in the Pickle Suit]].

[[File:Ahuvia.png|thumb|left|80px|Jack Thaddeus]]

=== [[Jack Thaddeus]] ===
The possible successor (and gay lover) of Clyde Cash and is responsible for various [[PS3#PlayStation Network|PSN]]-related trollings and also for the [[CWCipedia]] ads.

[[File:Jimmuh hill.jpg|thumb|80px|Jimmy Hill]]

=== [[Jimmy Hill]] ===
An individual who posed as a British sportscaster. He claimed to be the true original creator of Sonichu, the first openly gay cartoon character that became very popular in Europe back in 2009.

=== [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] ===
The original creator of the [[ED]] page.

=== [[Man in the Pickle Suit|The Jew in the Pickle Suit]] ===
A real-life pickleman who answers to Clyde Cash. He saved Emily from the clutches of Chris.

[[Image:CChanSonichuCWC.jpg|thumb|left|80px|The [[TRUE and HONEST]] Chris]]

=== [[Liquid Chris]] ===
A [[YouTube]] troll who is known for doing a spot-on impersonation of Chris-chan. Within his saga, Liquid Chris is referred to as the [[TRUE and HONEST]] Chris-chan and creator of the popular comic character Sonichu, and Solid is referred to as an angry troll named [[Ian Brandon Anderson]], who made outlandish claims that he was the real Chris.

=== Lordsillynipples ===
A troll from [[ED]] who was responsible for impersonating [[Blanca]] and being the first to obtain the now [[Pickles|infamous Chris-chan Noodz]] on 11 September 2008, along with [[Chris's DVD]]. She is also responsible for creating the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]] and for feeding Chris the infamous guido picture of [[Clyde]].

=== [[Robert Simmons V]] ===
A YouTube troll who managed to gain Chris's trust by showing him support and mirroring his life. Along with [[Church audio|visiting Chris's church]] and meeting [[Bob Chandler|Bob]], he also had a hand in organizing the [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|Emily date]].

=== [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] ===
Shigeru Miyamoto (Japanese: 宮本茂) is the creator of some of Nintendo's most legendary video game franchises such as Mario, Zelda, and Star Fox. A troll posed as him. Chris fell for it completely. The troll got at him by pretending to be interested in his [[sonichu|yellow Sonic abortion]].

=== [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] ===

While there's no definitive proof of these two being trolls, they have been known to dispense advice for Chris from time to time, especially on the subject of relationships.<ref name="Jackie e 16">[[Jackie_E-mails_16]]</ref> Considering the [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|results derived from said advice]], one cannot help but wonder about their [[Laughs Under Lucricities|true motivations]].

[[image:Tito 300.gif|thumb|80px|Surfshack Tito]]

=== [[Surfshack Tito (troll)|Surfshack Tito]] ===

An enigmatic troll who managed to invoke Chris's wrath on [[Surfshack Tito|two]] [[Tito Got No Luck Against We Brits, Irish and Scots!|separate]] occasions by hacking his PSN and taking the blame for ruining Chris's slim chances with [[The Wallflower]]. Recently, he has been involved in the destruction of Chris's beloved [[PS3]].

[[image:TH.PNG|thumb|80px|left|Thorg]]

=== [[Thorg]] ===
A troll responsible for creating a [[20 December 2009|slanderous billboard]] in 2009 and exposing [[Tomboys And Tomgirls of Virginia]] in 2011. A major part of Chris's 2011 [[Calling Out|blackmail campaign]].

[[image:Vivian.jpg|thumb|80px|Vivian]]

===[[Vivian Gee]]===
The creator of the ''Sonichu'' [[audiobooks]] and various other Chris-related videos and cousin of Clyde Cash. A former white knight who turned troll after she realized Chris was a [[Vivian Gee E-mails|hopeless, thick-skulled moron]].
{{clear}}

==Devil Trolls==
[[Image:DevilTroll.jpg|thumb|left|Artist's depiction.]]
[[File:ModNation TrollFemale.jpg|thumb|Featured in ''[[ModNation Racers]]''.]]

Aside from the several notable figures above, the '''Devil Trolls''' are mysterious, evil creatures that appear in Chris's ''[[Sonichu]]'' comic series. These creatures are first mentioned in [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] and make their first full appearance in [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]].

Like many beings within Chris's comics, the Devil Trolls are inspired by his encounters in real life. Devil Trolls represent the various trolls that have given him such [[stress]] over his lifetime. This is shown when Chris encounters a set of them attacking a room containing his stuff from one of his earlier websites.

The Devil Trolls make their first mentioned appearance as some sort of grass protrusions taking away the fallen "[[IBAChandler]]" after Sonichu defeats him in ''Sonichu'' #9. They make their full appearance in ''Sonichu'' #10, as [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] encounters them inside a room containing his pictures from his various websites. Seeing as Chris can't create anything without ripping off original designs, Devil Trolls resemble [[Wikipedia:Troll doll|those old Troll toys]], minus their gems, with long tails and demon-like wings. They also sport sharp teeth.
{{clear}}

== Motivations ==
[[File:Trollll.PNG|thumb|Drawing of a troll appearing in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]].]]

===Chris's perspective===
Chris himself has a more simplistic view of what motivates his enemies. When a [[Mailbag]] correspondent asked him to explain why he's trolled, and why so many people seem to hate him, Chris had this ingenious response:

{{quote|"Tehy're just jealous that they did not think of [[Sonichu]] first, or that I am more [[Chris and art|Artistically Talented]] than they are."|[[Chris]], [[Mailbag 5|Mailbag #5]]}}

This is consistent with the advice given many children who are harrassed in real life: that bullies are merely jealous of you, and want to see you react unfavorably. Since Chris [[Count Graduon|never moved past]] [[Manchester High School|high school]] mentally, he still believes he is hated because [[Ego|he is so much better than everyone else.]]

From his own attempts to illustrate trolling, it's obvious that Chris has no concept of how it works. When he tried his hand at impersonation, he thought that we'd all be trolled if he pretended to be an epic troll, but then [[Jack|a troll]] saw through his lie and forced him to admit that he is, indeed, a fat idiot. Chris believes that trolling has two steps: pretend to be someone you're not and then "troll" someone by revealing who you really are. [[Silvana]], a character based on his perception of forum trolls who claim to be people they aren't, thinks it's hilarious to pretend to be [[Meg Griffin]], kiss Chris, and then transform once she's out of sight. As a result, Chris walks away happy, unaware that he just kissed a tranny, defeating the entire point of "trolling" him.

Recently, it seems that he's decided that the majority of his hated trolls are actually homosexuals, combining his two major hates into one massive force of nature. The earliest this is seen is [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Mailbag&oldid=3208|a message he wrote] in his Mailbag section, exploding in rage over an added [[Twitter]] and how they could talk about him behind his back. Even more, in his [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)|CWCipedia article on The Wallflower]], Chris has also decided that the trolls are also [[niggos|black]].

Unsurprisingly, Chris also considers trolling a ''crime'', and has somehow dedicated himself to stop trolling. However, Chris's views on trolling are very very skewed, as he believes that ''all'' trolling is equal to what he had done to him. A [[EXCLUSIVE Manchester High School 2000 Reunion Required NOW|recent video]] actually has him tell people how to act on the Internet [[Chris and hypocrisy|mere moments after revealing his real name, address, and phone number]].

As the years passed, Chris's take on trolls has erupted into a massive flight of fancy. Because he has been refused admittance to [[The GAMe PLACe]], Chris has now proclaimed that the entire store is a massive front for Internet trolling, with [[Michael Snyder]] as the ringleader of it all. As well, he seems to have chosen the [[CWCki Forums]] as a major gathering place for trolls.

===His parents' perspective===
The [[Matthew Noble call]] in August 2010 revealed some interesting insights into Bob and Barbara Chandler's interpretation of what has happened to their son over the years. Chris's parents are apparently convinced that the entire Chris-chan Trolldom grew out of a conspiracy by Michael Snyder, two alleged homosexuals who frequented The GAMe PLACe (possibly [[Lucas]] and [[Mimms]]), and ''[[Megan Schroeder]]'', who worked to get Chris banned from the store and are involved with a general effort to harass and torment Chris. When speaking with Ivy, Bob described Megan with words like "cruel" and "German". Bob was convinced that it is all because they are persecuting Chris for being autistic, while in reality he was scaring away customers with his behavior and sexually harassing Megan.

It's useful to try to consider things from his parents' point of view. To begin with, there ''is'' a worldwide conspiracy, more or less, to pester the Chandlers, violate their privacy, drive their son to do ridiculous things, and otherwise fuck with them in a myriad of ways. Bob and Barbara are bombarded by prank phone calls all day, nude photos, God knows what else arrive in their mail, signs mysteriously appearing on their lawn, Chris having [[Kacey and Liquid Call|angry screaming matches]] with people they've never met on the telephone, Chris once drove off to Ohio to meet [[Julie|a woman who didn't exist]], and so on.

Being Chris's parents must be a fairly surreal experience at this point, and given that they belong to a much older generation, they can hardly be expected to develop the grasp of Internet social phenomena that they'd need to properly understand their situation. The GAMe PLACe, however small a piece of the bigger picture it may be, is the most significant real, physical element of Chris's adventures in trolldom that they've been exposed to. As ridiculous as their theory may seem, it's probably the best they can do as far as making sense of what has happened and continues to happen to them.

==Chris the Troll==

While the idea of everyone's favorite manchild becoming the one thing he hates seems kind of farfetched if not laughably ironic, it actually isn't too far off as one might think. Because of his horrendous misconceptions of what he thinks his trolls does, Chris believes that, if given a new target, Chris's trolls would gladly stop attacking him and go after that new target. In the past, Chris has tried to deflect his trolls towards people like [[Joshua Martinez]], [[Michael Snyder]] and even [[Mimms]]. However, Chris has been so entrenched with his trolls and viewers that the idea of going after someone else doesn't seem feasible anymore.

As well, Chris has even attempted to troll his own trolls. One of the first known attempts was the [[Rollin' and Trollin']] video, claiming that he had pulled the most epic prank on the Internet, only to turn around the very next day and reveal that it was a lie. [[Sonichu 10]], as mentioned above, had his comic book self thinking he had kissed [[Meg Griffin]], not knowing that it was actually [[Silvana]]. As well, on 28 [[April 2012]], he attempted to convince his trolls that he had decided to return to the mall and resume his [[Love Quest]], armed with his [[Attraction Sign]]. Again, he revealed the next day that it was a lie and that he had gotten [[ban]]ned from the mall just before he decided to pull it.

Interestingly, Chris's perception of being a troll is less about trolling to get a rise out of someone and more of attempting to pull a prank. His "return" to the Love Quest is probably the biggest indicator of that. Chris let his trolls know through his [[Facebook]], then waited a day before shouting "SURPRISE!" As well, he also believed that if someone reads his message, he's going to assume that everyone has and that they are going to descend on the mall like a bad flash mob just to find Chris. Too bad most everyone, unlike Chris, has lives of their own.

However, if there is one person that Chris himself has successfully trolled, without a shadow of a doubt, it's ''himself''. Proof of this can be directly pointed to his [[Ego#Surrendering_Information|bad habit of surrendering information]] about himself, no matter how [[Tomgirl|embarassing]], [[Nudes|demeaning]], or [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|downright]] [[Dox|stupid]] giving out said tidbits of himself would be. Chris often screams at his trolls for not leaving him alone, but, aside from the fact that his antics only add more fuel to the fire, he always fails to realise that if he didn't give them ammo to begin with, he wouldn't have ended up in this predicament. A shining example of this would be the [[2013 Imgur Leak]]. Chris could have ranted about the trolls, and most would have shrugged and assumed that [[Chris and anger|he's just being angry in typical Chris-Chan fashion.]] That is, until Chris revealed the reason ''why'' he got upset, inadvertently revealing the Facebook posts he was keeping a secret, as well as some [[Death Threats|very unsavory information]] that could get him arrested if taken seriously.

It just goes to show you, nobody trolls Chris better than Chris. Chris is the type to not only shoot himself in the foot, but reload, fire again, and repeat the cycle while blaming the trolls. He just never learns.

==Today==
:''Main article: [[Weening]]''
Since the death of [[Bob Chandler|Chris's father]], the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|loss of his home]] and [[Chris and money|his plummet to the breadline]], Chris has changed profoundly. No longer is he the [[naive]], [[Chris and fashion|clown-shirted]], [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|indifferent]] [[Ego|egotist]] ED discovered in 2007, instead, he is a jaded, chronically depressed, [[Tomgirl|cross-dressing]] child trapped in an adult's body, who is not as susceptible to, capable of dealing with, and arguably, as deserving of trolling as he used to be.

Many of those who continue to follow his activities are beginning to opine that he has suffered enough, and that active trolling, even where it is successful, doesn't produce the [[Laughs Under Lucricities|results]] it used to, takes more effort due to his inflated paranoia, tends to lead to small groups monopolizing Chris and hoarding the information they gather (as happened with [[Blanca Weiss|Blanca]] and [[Catherine]]), and in some cases, causes needless emotional damage to Chris. For example, the revelation that Chris's latest girlfriend, Catherine, was yet another troll persona in early [[November 2014]] provoked disgust and disappointment, as many felt that not only was it [[Sonichu|unoriginal]] and [[JULAAAY|no longer funny]], but the trolls had spent weeks, if not months stringing him along and toying with him, including tricking him into [[I Love You, Catherine|grovelling]] for "Catherine"'s continued affection. Many felt this amounted to emotional abuse of an already broken and miserable shell of a man, some were even disappointed as they felt that after all Chris had gone through, he deserved a lucky break, and a real relationship for a change.

Further, this was accompanied by the revelation that the same group of trolls had also fabricated Chris's denunciation by his [[Gal-pals|high-school friends]], leading to many questioning the morality of impersonating Chris's old friends just to get a reaction out of him, and of course, the terrifying [[CWCVille|Orwellian nightmare]] that such trolling has left Chris in, as virtually every aspect of Chris's social life is engineered by trolls and he has no way of knowing what or who is real - [[Savannah Chandler|even his own family]]. This is perhaps partially responsible for his growing obsession with his [[Lego|hoarded crap]] and his preoccupation with his [[Homos#Chris the lesbian|new identity]] - it has gotten to the point that Chris's identity and his possessions are all he has which he knows for certain are real and not a troll fabrication.

Chris's transformation has also coincided with, and perhaps influenced, a shift in trolling. Active, chronic trolling such as Chris has experienced is now generally looked down upon as [[weening]] and attention whoring, instead it has become more fashionable to leave a lolcow like Chris to their own devices for the most part, and observe, rather than continually provoke. Proponents of this type of trolling note that many major events in Chris's life have happened independent of troll influence, such as him burning down his own home, his various outings to [[Charlottesville]] and beyond (and many subsequent IRL bans), his bizarre dealings with [[Mary Lee Walsh]] and of course, the infamous [[28 October 2011]]. It can also be argued that much (if not most) of the trolling that Chris experienced since his discovery in 2007 was ween as well, and that it may have partially caused his bitter, depressed and paranoid state today.

However, this newfound empathy evaporated on [[26 December 2014]], as Chris vandalized a [[Sonic Boom Protests|Sonic Boom]] display at his local [[GameStop]] before attacking an employee who was calling security - all caught on camera by a Tumblr user. This shattered any pity most people had for Chris mostly because of the way in which he conducted himself, commanding employees "Don't call anybody!" and generally behaving as if he were answerable to no-one throughout. One CWCki Forum commenter aptly described Chris' actions as "socially deaf", as naturally an aggressive, balding man shrieking at staff, wearing toy sunglasses turned a few heads. This is merely one of many cases in which Chris has dissipated the pity of trolls by bouncing back from his [[I Love You, Catherine|supposed]] [[To Mr. Smith|depression]] with an act of astounding [[Ego|hubris]] and [[Naive|stupidity]]. The revelation that Chris was in jail awaiting video court two days later was received with relief, and hopes that he may finally be forced to [[Chris and anger|learn]] [[Chris and his ego|lessons]] he should've been taught three decades ago.

Furthermore, in the following months, Catherine's correspondence with Chris and her side of the story were steadily leaked on Kiwi Farms, resulting in her being largely exonerated of her abuse of Chris, mainly because it turned out Chris himself was not exactly blameless, and the main purpose of "Catie" had been to try to contain Chris's growing madness and to help him, rather than to make bizarre demands of him or manipulate him in the ways previous sweethearts had. It was revealed that Catie had tried to tell Chris repeatedly that their outings together were not dates, and eventually that she was not interested in dating him, as he began to attempt to control her in ways eerily resemblant of [[Women's rights|domestic abuse]], namely, trying to prevent her from seeing [[JERKS|male]] [[Colin|friends]] and exploding with jealous rage when she did, insulting her, refusing to let her break up with him, making [[Barb|deranged claims of royal lineage]] in a bizarre attempt to command authority over her, and even claiming that he was ''entitled'' to a relationship.

On 27 December, a troll joined Chris's "FIX SONIC'S ARMS IMMEDIATELY, SEGA!!!" group and posted a link to the video from the day before. Eventually, more and more trolls joined and the group eventually became littered with photos of Chris's trigger, as well as people mocking him, and other forms of [[ween]]ery.

==See also==
* [[4-cent garbage.com]]
* [[CWCki]]
* [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]
* [[PVCC (Message Board)|PVCC]]
* [[Rollin' and Trollin']]
* [[White knight]]
* [[A-Logging]]
* [[Weening]]
* [[Kick the Autistic]]

==References==
<references/>

{{Trolls}}
{{People}}
{{Love quest}}

[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:Lists]]

Help:A Quick Guide to CWCki

2017-03-09T04:06:32Z

Largo best: /* Stay nameless */

[[File:Chrisshotweb.jpg|right|200px]]

So you want to edit the wiki on the [[Internet]]'s [[White knights|most beloved]] (and [[A-Logging|most hated]]) [[autistic]] manchild? Before you start, you should know this isn't your average crappy [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] article that you're getting yourself into. Here's a CWC (pronounced: 'quick') guide to the CWCki:

==When it comes to dates, be a European==
This: dd Month Year

Example: today is {{CURRENTDAY}} {{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTYEAR}}.

Not this: Month dd, year

Example: today is {{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTDAY}}, {{CURRENTYEAR}}.

Likewise, avoid numerical dating ('''{{CURRENTMONTH}}/{{CURRENTDAY}}/{{CURRENTYEAR}}''' or '''{{CURRENTDAY}}/{{CURRENTMONTH}}/{{CURRENTYEAR}}''') because that confuses the hell out of people depending if you're a Europian or American.

While Americanized spellings are the standard, it's still a good idea to use Europian dating to avoid confusion.

Furthermore, it's easier to link to.

For instance, if you went with European dating, to link to a month, all it would be is:

'''<nowiki>dd [[Month Year]]</nowiki>'''

whereas an American dating would be:

'''<nowiki> Month dd [[Month Year|Year]]</nowiki>'''

==When it comes to spelling, be an American==
Chris is American, and so a majority of trolls. As a result, Americanized English is the standard for the CWCki. So no unnecessary vowels (unnecessary "U"s, "O"s, etc.), it's a "truck" and not a "lorry," it's an "elevator" and not a "lift," you get the idea.

However, on a similar note, please be considerate of our European brethren. Some Europeans are not totally familiar with American TV shows, food chains, and other stuff Chris frequently references, so it is helpful to add a mild explanatory note for these (such as comparing Chris's beloved [[Golden Corral]] to Red Hot World Buffet & Bar). For instance, if a game title has a different title in Europe, by all means mention this (such as how ''[[Animal Crossing]]: City Folk'' was known as ''Animal Crossing: Let's Go to the City'' in Europe).

==The possessive form of Chris is "Chris's"==
Your [[English]] teacher was wrong. When it comes to proper nouns, you are supposed to append apostrophes even if the name ends in "s" (the exception is formal archaic names like [[GodJesus]], but then it'd be "the parables of Jesus").

Page 1 of Strunk & White's ''[[Wikipedia:The Elements of Style|The Elements of Style]]'' states this, and this is the standard [http://www.economist.com/research/styleGuide/index.cfm?page=841359 The Economist] uses. People who argue otherwise are [[slow-in-the-minds]].

==Sign your comments==
If you're making a comment on the [[CWCki:Community Portal|Community Portal]] or on a talk page, '''please sign your comments'''. It's four tildes in a row (<nowiki>~~~~</nowiki>), and can be automatically added by pressing the signature button (the ninth button shown whenever one edits a page). That way, we know who said what and don't have to go through the talk page history in order to find the original date and time of the post.

==Stay nameless==
'''DON'T ADD YOURSELF.'''

The general guideline for trolls having their own articles are trolls who have interacted directly with Chris and have been referred to by Chris in some explicit way (such as [[Clyde Cash]]).

There are a few exceptions but for the most part, unless we've heard of you via Chris, you don't warrant your own article. Besides, no one probably gives a shit about your [[Ween|shitty troll persona]] or your shitty attempts at [[prank call]]ing his house.

You are however free to do with your User Page on CWCki as you wish, within reason. (For example, don't add a zillion pics not related to Chris to it, or use it as a dumping ground for your [[Mass debating|YouPorn]] history.)

==A note on notability==
Related to namefaggotry is notability.

While not as strict as [[Wikipedia:Notability in Wikipedia|Wikipedia]], CWCki still maintains a guideline of notability: '''If Chris has responded to someone or something, it warrants a mention on CWCki.'''

In other words, a random guy who makes a video response to Chris doesn't warrant their own article. Otherwise, we'd have a wiki full of guys in their basements trying to be funny by bringing up Chris and his [[recycling]].

To clarify, by the first part, someone or something that has caused a response from Chris warrants mention on CWCki. For instance, [[Evan]] warrants his own article because of the infamous [[masturbating and squirtin']] e-mail as well as [[Simonla Rosechu]]. [[Clyde Cash]] warrants his own article as Chris has made several videos threatening Clyde's life.

The major exception to this rule is any mainstream media references to Chris. No, not some random blogger or some guy on YouTube or Facebook, but actual TV, radio stations, or high-profile blogs (ex. Fark, The Atlantic, etc.). These references should be incorporated into the [[Chris in the media]] article, or the Chris-related media they cite.

And of course, anything Chris does or says is notable and deserves mention on the CWCki. This does not mean everything Chris mentions gets an article--it should just be mentioned ''somewhere,'' preferably in existing articles. There are of course exceptions that are dealt with on a case by case basis.

==Brevity is wit==
Don't ramble on unnecessarily. '''Learn to edit yourself'''. Read what you've written. Is everything in it entirely necessary? Can it be reworded to better effect? Think about what you yourself might read. Would you really be interested in reading a 10,000-page treatise on the psychology of Chris's [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|bowel movements]]? If not, then why should anybody else? And if so, then what the hell is wrong with you?

This especially goes for summaries. Remember what they are--''summaries''. They shouldn't be longer than the transcription/article being commented upon. Keep psychological mumbo-jumbo to a minimum, or preferably, to yourself.

===Suppress your own urges===
This goes for people who have [[religious]] or [[political]] views, different [[sex]]ual fetishes, and/or are fans of [[anime]], [[Television|TV shows]], [[video games]], and/or [[comics]]. Chris might own your video game or watch your anime or mention something about which you hold a very strong opinion. He may even mention it quite frequently. This doesn't mean it warrants a CWCki page, and it certainly doesn't mean that you need to reference it every third article or write about how Chris's understanding or interpretation of Contemporary Post-Trotskyist Feminine Theory is incorrect.

==Double check==
Before adding an article, check to see if it hasn't been added already. CWCki is not [[Chris and Wikipedia|Wikipedia]] or [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]], so everything might not be redirected. You may have to search a bit but it helps if you look for articles before duplicating them. Same applies to images.

If you think a redirect would be appropriate for a particular search phrase, go ahead and add it: search the term you want to redirect, click on the red link between "Create the page "[insert title here]" on this wiki!", type in <nowiki># REDIRECT [[target page]]</nowiki>, and hit "save". The page will redirect with the same information; you will have to click "Save" again and perform a CAPTCHA mini-game in order to it to fully appear. Yes, it's ''beyond'' annoying, but it helps ward off spambots. Keep in mind that the phrase should be a fairly generic and common term, and relevant to the particular target.

==Privacy==
Information wants to be free, blah blah blah. While CWCki is very unabashedly uncensored (albeit far less than ED, mind you), it's wise to wait before posting things. Although Chris is very dense when it comes to denying the truth even when clearly presented to him, some trolls are sensitive about leaked info and wish that their "covers" not be "blown" so be considerate. Information about anyone Chris mentioned (be it a random [[Manajerk]] or a [[Jerkop]]) should be kept private too sometimes. Otherwise, we'd have [[weens]] e-mailing them "JUUUULLLAAYYY!!!!!" or other unfunny bullshit.

==IF YOU WANT TO HELP OUT ==
Some people come here straight from reading the Encyclopedia Dramatica article on Chris and decide they want their hand in editing. Unfortunately, the ED article on Chris-chan is frequently out of date, or it misses out on very recent developments.

If you're going to be editing CWCki, have a gander at Chris's [[Facebook]] pages or [[Kiwi Farms]], or hang out in [[Sonichu (IRC chat)|#sonichu]]. They're hot sources of all the goings on with Chris, and they keep up to date with all the most recent happenings. Just don't be a fag or else you'll be banned.

Likewise, spend some time reading, watching and listening to everything Chris-related, including the chat logs, sex audio, all of his videos, [[Mumble]] chats, etc. Yes, it requires an unhealthy amount of time, and having a strong stomach to some of Chris's more grosser aspects, but you'll get deeper into the rabbit hole and want to see how far it goes. These things are generally not on the ED page and you'll miss out on a lot of details on Chris (for instance, [[Reginald Chandler]] or how Chris drinks his own [[semen]].) But if you want to take an easier shortcut, perhaps begin with sachumo's [[documentary]] about Chris, which does a generally good job at summarizing most of Chris's life (although it misses more recent information due to being released in [[February 2015]]).

==Dive right in==
Even though you should lurk moar, don't be afraid to edit the CWCki. ''Anyone'' can and should edit the CWCki. You do not need to "prove yourself" to get a CWCki account and you will not be banned if you make an honest mistake.

If you're posting complaints about the CWCki on PVCC, [[cwc]] or Kiwi, you're doing it wrong. If you see something wrong with the CWCki, feel free to make your opinion heard or take matters into your own hands. After all, if you want something done right, do it yourself.

==Get involved==
CWCki is (mostly) democratic. While not perfectly democratic as say, Wikipedia, users do have influence in policy. While editing articles or contributing to the CWCki in other ways should be #1, it's also good to get involved in the workings of the CWCki. Be sure to regularly check the [[CWCki:Community Portal|Community Portal]], especially the [[CWCki:Policy|Policy]] and [[CWCki:News]] pages.

Being involved in the CWCki inner workings means that you get a say in how the CWCki is run and provide valuable feedback to the CWCki staff to better improve the CWCki user experience. So please, get involved, it's '''your''' CWCki.

==Try to aim for NPOV==
No, this does not mean you cannot say anything bad about Chris. Aim for ''criticism'', not outright bashing of Chris. Likewise, when dealing with other trolling sites, users, etc., try to present them in neutral terms.

So go ahead, criticize Chris, but don't try too hard. If Chris lies, it's fine to say he's a liar. But by implying that by lying he's "scum of the Earth," "a worthless piece of shit," etc. then you're [[A-Logging|just trying really too hard]].

[[CWCki:NOTED|We're not Encyclopedia Dramatica]], we're here to document Chris and mocking is mostly indirect.

===Don't be an A-Log===
A-Logs feel that Chris is a despicable human being with no redeeming qualities and want to inflict harm upon him. Chris doesn't inspire greatness, but he's not the spawn of Satan who's worse than Hitler. Don't be an A-Log, and don't purposely try to find things wrong with Chris.

==Updating [[Template:Da update|Da update]]==
[[Da update]] is perhaps what most people come to CWCki for, to see what is new with Chris. But what constitutes an update?

Chris releasing a new video? Hell yeah!

Leaked stuff with Chris in it? Definitely.

Something you heard off some guy in IRC? ...no, not really.

Something you heard off of ED? ''Fuck'' no.

In order for something to be considered update worthy, '''it has to be a publicly available media involving Chris.''' While there are many reliable sources who can provide information on Chris, it still does not hold up to encyclopedic standards, which CWCki strives to adhere to. While it is okay to incorporate such information into articles ''as'' alleged information, it is not an update to say that Chris has ''allegedly'' done something.

==Cite only publicly available media==
On a similar note, '''only publicly available forms of media are acceptable forms of citable material on CWCki.''' This means that PVCC posts, private audio files, etc. are not acceptable to cite in articles, even if the authenticity is without question.

The goal of this is to promote transparency and to allow the trolling community at large to easily verify if the citation is true or not.

==Resize your images==
Please try and resize your images so they're under 150 kb before you upload them. Seriously, it only takes, like, a minute in MS Paint to resize them. If you're not sure how, here's a [[Help:Resizing images|handy guide]] on how to resize images. Failing that, we have [[User:Fuckingstupid|resident]] [[User:Whoreos n' Milf|experts]] to answer any further questions, or to help you with resizing things.

If it's a huge animated GIF, then it better actually be amusing, or else it will be taken down and no one will cry rivers asking for it back.

==DO IT, BRO/ What goes on CWCki should stay on CWCki==
If you see something wrong or a mistake on CWCki, '''fix it.''' Don't start a thread on Kiwi Farms about how you saw something wrong on the CWCki and say how you can't believe it's wrong. Fix it. Don't complain about a video link being dead, find a working link and add it to the article. If you're not sure how to fix it, then make a comment in the article's talk page addressing your concern about the article and add templates. Likewise, don't make a thread about how you'd like to see CWCki address a topic. Make that article. If it sucks, it'll get deleted. If not, others will have a chance to build it up. If you dislike the quality of the CWCki, don't bitch about it on the Kiwi Farms, get involved and edit articles to make them higher quality.

Likewise, discussions pertaining CWCki should be on CWCki. If you have a beef with someone, don't bitch about them on the forums. Keep it on CWCki and things can be resolved. Likewise, if you want to collaborate with others to work on an article, you're more than welcome to go to other forums to do this but by all means mention this on the CWCki itself.

==Learn how to pipe==
Read [[Help:A Guide to Piping|this]] as a guide to linking to other articles on the site.

==Conclusion==
Follow these simple rules, and you'll become a regular CWCki wikifag in no time! So welcome to the CWCki, your one stop for everything Chris.

==See also==
*[[CWCki:CWCki is|What CWCki is and is not]]

[[Category:CWCki policy]]

Pixelblocks

2017-03-07T16:09:42Z

Largo best: added link to pb webpage where chris' art is featured

{{quote|PixelBlocks are pixels made physical and set free from the computer screen. They allow the young at heart of all ages to use their creativity in endless ways.|The Pixelblocks slogan.}}
[[Image:0656-ANIME059.JPG|Yes, he even brought them on his trip to [[Anime Mid-Atlantic]].|thumb]]

'''Pixelblocks''' is an [[The Adventures of The American Rabbit|obscure]], [[Adobe PhotoDeluxe|discontinued]] construction toy. Essentially, they're like [[Legos]], only they come in only one size and shape of brick, which can be attached together in all three dimensions. The principle behind Pixelblocks is that you can assemble these uniform pieces into any form imaginable, just as a television screen can display any image using millions of differently colored pixels.

Consequently, one of the common applications of Pixelblocks is to make sprites of classic video game characters. For example, if you wanted to make a model of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] to hang up on your wall, you could buy enough blue and white Pixelblocks and make it yourself. Or, if you wanted to [[Sonichu (character)|customize your Sonic, maybe make him yellow with a Pikachu tail]]...

Basically, Pixelblocks are another way for [[Chris]] to crowbar his fantasies into reality, just like drawing [[Sonichu (comic)|shitty comics]], homemade ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' cards, customizable video games like ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' and ''[[Animal Crossing]]'', and so on. Until [[Captain's Log|holodecks]] are invented, the only way Chris can hang out with [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] in real life is to build him, and Pixelblocks provide a way to do that.

It's worth noting that Chris, having no idea that Pixelblocks can even function in the third dimension, never made 3D sculptures with them. And frustratingly enough, he is capable of using Lego to build [[CWC Lego Manchester High School Oct 18 2013|3D structures]].

Most of Chris's Pixelblock creations were probably lost in the [[Destruction Of Chris's House|house fire]], but photographic evidence shows that at least Chris's self-portrait survived.

==Stuff Chris has built from Pixelblocks==
While a full survey of Chris's bedroom is difficult at best, one can spot a few Pixelblock constructs hanging on the walls in his [[YouTube]] videos. Among them:

<center>
<gallery>
Image:507-CWCsPixelSubstitute.JPG|A substitute of Chris, who appears to be sporting an [[Niggos|Afro]].
Image:508-HeartTorch.JPG|The [[Heart Torch of Fail]].
Image:509-SonichuAndRosechuPixel.JPG|Sonichu and Rosechu, with [[Sonic]] looking on.
Image:510-PixelBlockCharacters.JPG|Sprites of [[Nintendo|Mario, Link and Samus]]. What's sad is they look better than anything Chris can draw.
Image:Pixelblock Chris.jpg|Pixelblock Chris, having survived the fire. Note that this image is featured on the [http://www.pixelblocks.com/blog.html Pixelblocks website].
</gallery>
</center>

==Pixelblocks in ''Sonichu''==
Pixelblocks appeared twice in [[Sonichu 4|''Sonichu'' 4]]. According to Chris's own diary entries, he would play with them at [[Wal-Mart]], so this may be why he used them in the comics adapting his confrontations with the Manajerks there.

In ''[[Sub-Episode 4]]'', [[Chris-Chan Sonichu]] constructed a decoy of himself to confuse [[B-Manajerk]]. When he struck the decoy with his battle axe, the blow sent Pixelblocks flying into his face, injuring him.

In ''[[Sub-Episode 5]]'', the [[Ancient leader of the Cherokee Clan]] revealed that Chris could use his [[Medallions of Fail#The Sonichu Medallion|Sonichu Medallion]] to imbue special powers to the [[Heart Torch of Fail|Heart Torch]], a Pixelblock model he had constructed. Chris followed his advice, and used the empowered Heart Torch to summon his [[Crystal Weston Chandler (character)|dream sibling]], who helped him defeat the [[W-M-Manajerk]].

==External links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYY7ywg4yEs Fan-made commercial]
*[[wikipedia:PixelBlocks|Wikipedia article]]

[[Category:Arts and Crafts]]
[[Category:Hobbies]]
[[Category:Special Attacks]]
[[Category:Toys]]

Fangs

2017-03-04T06:33:39Z

Largo best: fixed broken link in sources

[[Image:SHOW MAH FANGS!.jpg|center]]
He has them and isn't [[Captain's Log, Stardate January 8th, 2009|afraid to show them]].

==The Horror==
Originally assumed to be yellowish as a result of poor [[PSEye|video quality]], Chris's '''fangs''' are more likely discolored as a result of the copious amounts of [[My Coke Rewards|soda]] he drinks (which has [[obesity|other effects]] as well).<ref>[[Biological clock]]</ref> The fact that he has [[Chris and health#Dental health|multiple visible cavities]] seems to support this, although Chris could just be too lazy to brush his teeth. What is certain is that despite his claim to visit a dentist every 6 months, the inside of his mouth is even more horrifying than the outside.

==Powers==
Chris believes his teeth are more menacing than those of ordinary humans. He once said that "They're called Eye-Teeth, but they feel and look like fangs of a vampire, dpg [sic] or something to me."<ref>[[Sonichu_Girls#Your_understanding_me_fukky_.281_January_2009.29]]</ref> He revealed his fangs in a series of videos in 2009, in some cases essentially shoving the PSEye in his mouth. He believed this to be intimidating, although the actual effect of being exposed to the inside of his mouth is revulsion. One can only infer from these threats that Chris intended to use them to bite his antagonists, but considering the awful state of his teeth he'd be lucky if none fell out in the process.

Ironically, Chris's [[wikipedia:Canine tooth|canine teeth]] are so blunt and rounded that they almost look like incisors (front teeth). The canine teeth do gradually become blunted over the course of a lifetime, since they are involved in chewing--something Chris does a lot. Despite not even having reached middle age, Chris's teeth are already extremely blunt, meaning they would make for even less effective weaponry than the contents of the human mouth already do.

Perhaps realizing this, Chris stopped baring his fangs after 2009, and has since upgraded his arsenal to a [[pocket knife]], [[28 October 2011|Son-]][[Son-Chu|Chu]], and [[26 December 2014|mace]].

==Wisdom teeth==
Chris has had an operation to remove his wisdom teeth. He keeps them in a jar on top of the [[Megan Shrine]] and also made a ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!]]'' card with them on it. He also thought [[Julie]] would be impressed by this fact, letting her know that "I still have them preserved in a jar with a dash of alcohol."<ref>[[BlueSpike Skype Logs 10]]</ref> Being the [[Autism|bizarre]] [[Chris and his Ego|narcissist]] that he is, Chris feels the need to immortalize any significant event in his life in some way, be it through short story, comic adaptation, or even custom trading cards. The fact that he finds his removed teeth important enough to think that they would be worth adding to a card game says a lot about him.

==Appearances==
* '''[[Captain's Log, Stardate January 8th, 2009]]''': In this video, Chris stated that wasn't afraid to show [[Gregg Mays]] his "fangs." He then leaned toward the camera for a close-up of his upper teeth--in particular, his [[All I Want For Christmas Is a Pretty Girlfriend|2 front teeth]].
* '''[[Captain's Log, Stardate January 15th, 2009]]''': Chris did not clearly show his "fangs" in this video, but rather mentioned how he was prepared to show his "faaannngggsss [[Chris and Anger|only when he has to]]." He started to lean forward into the camera while presumably baring his teeth (one cannot clearly see them as the video quality is so poor), but he then swung back to his original posture instead of going for a full close-up.
* '''[[Take that Page DOWN NOW!]]''': Here, Chris threatened [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] and [[Clyde Cash]] by punching a doll, baring his teeth, and damaging his camera.
* '''[[Chris Calls Clyde Out]]:''' On 23 April 2009, Chris again threatened Clyde by acting like an idiot, deliberately giving his audience a close-up of his teeth and [[Recycling|whitish]] tongue.
* '''[[12 October 2009]]:''' Chris again acted like an insane retard, showing both his teeth and his plumber's crack.
* '''[[Sign Destruction Video]]:''' On 6 December 2009, Chris threatened [[Vivian G]] by ripping apart a paper sign left in his yard, and then bit his clown's head off with his infected gums. He exposed his yellowed and rotting teeth to the audience, undoubtedly to show off his sugar-encrusted enamel.

==In the comics==
[[File:SonichuFangs.jpg|right|thumb|200px]]
In [[Sonichu 10]], the devil [[Beel]] manages to steal [[Chris-chan Sonichu]]'s [[medallion]], causing him to revert back to ordinary Chris. At this nadir, Chris discovers that his powers actually reside in his [[Amnyfest Ring|high school ring]], and he saves the day. To further bolster his self-esteem, Chris takes this moment to show his fangs, noting, "I have fangs for my eye-teeth." This turns out to have no bearing on the plot.
{{clear}}

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:0731-Megan Shrine1.JPG|CWC's wisdom teeth seen here guarded by two [[My Little Pony]] characters on the top shelf.
Image:151-WisdomTeeth.jpg|So...are the discarded cards wisdom teeth, or...something?
Image:ChrisCavities.JPG|Now that's what we call cavities.
File:SackboyChris.jpg|Chris's vampiric [[LittleBigPlanet]] avatar.
</gallery>
</center>

== Sources ==
<references/>

==See also==
* [[Chris and anger]]
* [[Chris and health]]

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:Physical characteristics]]
[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Mumble 9.5

2017-03-01T04:31:38Z

Largo best: changed some links

'''Mumble 9.5''' is the continuation of the [[Mumble 9|ninth]] [[Mumble]] chat involving [[Chris]], held on 23 [[February 2009]].

In this chat, [[Clyde Cash]] and [[the Miscreants]] accuse Chris for many things, such as not caring for his [[Aunt Corrina]]'s death, [[List of Chris's games|wasting money on video games]], and being a terrible son to [[Bob Chandler|his father]].

==Summary==
After [[TheCWCvilleLibrary|Arjen]] threw [[death threats]] against him in the last chat and prompted him to leave, Chris rejoins the chat. Clyde and the Miscreants again bombard Chris with accusations that he doesn't actually care about the death of his Aunt Corrina, but is more sad that a funeral is ruining his birthday. The trolls again accuse Chris of blowing money on [[vidya]] (with Clyde leveling the accusation that Chris and his family have spent more than $20,000 on games). Chris, being Chris, offers little of substance in response.

Chris also aggressively defends that he's a good son to Bob when the topic comes up, claiming that "..they spent a lot of money on me!", which says a [[Chris and Money|lot]] about Chris' character. Clyde's words about Chris not being a good son to Bob also come to pass years later, as Chris chose to [[Christopher Paul Whitney reveal|make blackmail videos]] instead of caring for his dying dad, and opted to update his [[Attraction Sign]] on [[Facebook]] on the same day his father died, and to this day, has mentioned nothing about him, save for [[Facebook#An_Open_Note|siccing his ghost on his trolls]]. Compare this to the [[Patti_Chandler#Eulogy_for_Patti.2C_as_written_by_Chris|gushing tribute he gave to his ''dog.'']]

In one of the more famous Mumble moments, Chris admits that he may be "[[Autism|retarded]]" and that his mind doesn't think so quickly...making it obvious why he goes out of his way to mock "[[A Week With Christian Chandler#Page 6|slow-in-the-minds]]." Also, Chris once again swears up and down that he has been giving Clyde's suggestions to get a job a "lot of thought". To date, Chris has still not gotten a job, making this another blatant lie.

Chris eventually storms out of the chat after being told he is afraid to go outside, and that leaving his [[14 Branchland Court|house]] for a change is the only way to get the Miscreants to leave him alone.

===Timelines===
(00:00)
* The chat begins in the middle of a conversation between Clyde and Chris. The latter left the chat not too long ago, but eventually came back.
* Clyde says Chris has improved nothing in his life.
(00:30)
* Chris says he has been thinking "very hard" about [[Wendy's|getting a job]], going to [[Julie]], and convincing [[Bob]] and [[Barb]] that Julie is real.
(01:00)
* Chris feels it is significant he is ready to spend "fifty to a hundred" dollars to go see Julie.
(02:00)
* Chris says the trolls do not realize how much stress he has because he must go to a funeral for his [[Aunt Corrina]] and that it is "happening on his birthday of all days."
* Clyde says Chris is more sad about his birthday than Aunt Corrina.
* Chris cries hard over Aunt Corrina dying
(03:00)
* Chris's blubbering suddenly improves and stops, indicating that it's likely bogus.
* Clyde tells trolls to let Chris cry.
(03:30)
* Chris says he is "possibly retarded," since his mind doesn't think so swift.
* Chris says he often doesn't even give thought to the actions he does.
(04:00)
* Hearing about the fire "made Chris so sad" and he "cried his heart out."
(05:00)
* Chris says love is like "standing on top of a mountain" and having "good wind" blow through your hair.
* People are to get to know each other through "pleasant conversation" and it is not all about the "bonus round."
(06:30)
* Chris says women should get to know men "[[gay|from the inside]]."
* Chris felt "true honest respect" from Julie, [[Blanca]], [[Sarah May]], [[Sarah Jackson]] and [[Panda]].
(08:00)
* Clyde says if he knew what true love was, Chris would know they were trolls. Chris says "trolls or not, I still care about them very much."
(08:30)
* Chris has got "some good memories" of those women.
(09:30)
* Chris claims he has learned from his mistakes and learned how to sort the "true from the false."
(10:30)
*Chris angrily responds to a question about Megan.
(11:00)
*Clyde asks whether Chris realizes why Megan left. After a pause, Chris says it is because he "got into her personal space" and "violated her drawing."
(12:00)
* Chris says he feels the [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|sexy drawing]] and sexy websites are "appropriate" and says "the eyes are censored and you can't recognize Megan."
(13:30)
* The trolls insult Chris and tell him they haven't slandered him- they've only posted his words.
* Chris claims he has been misinterpreted and has gone through "so many revolutions and personal upgrades for the better."
(14:30)
* Clyde says the Miscreants have estimated Chris has spent over [[list of Chris's games|$20,000 on video games in his life]].
(15:30)
* Chris blames the ED page for him not getting a job.
(16:00)
* Clyde attacks Chris for misspending his tugboat. Chris says he spends his money by paying the bills, his rent, and credit cards.
(16:30)
* The trolls say there is no way Chris will ever support a family.
* Clyde accuses Chris of being $2000 behind in credit card debt.
(17:30)
* Clyde says the Miscreants can't be stopped, and Chris stops answering.
(19:00)
* Chris says he goes outside every day, but changes the subject.
* Chris says [[Max]] has said to pass on the message that Julie will be at HQ in ten minutes.
(19:30)
* Chris says '''"most everything I tell you is the truth."'''
(20:00)
* Chris angrily yells that he did not have the money or support to go see Miyamoto.
(20:30)
* Chris says he went out with Bob to get [[McDonald's|breakfast]], since Bob likes the company.
* Chris reads comic strips in newspapers.
(21:00)
* Clyde says Bob wants someone intelligent to talk to, but all he has is Chris.
* The trolls say Chris is a bad son, and his parents have spent a lot of money on him.
(21:30)
* The trolls say Chris should make his own decisions and not just do everything Bob and Barb want.
(22:00)
* Chris says he is "more likely to stick to a routine."
* Clyde says Chris will just keep going downhill.
* Chris's only response is to tell the trolls to "shut up," and he leaves the chat.
* The trolls discuss the next chance to troll Chris and what BlueSpike should do next.

==Transcript==
{{quote|Ahhh, Jesus Christ.|Chris, Once again showing us his devout Christian ways}}

'''Clyde''': [''audio cuts in mid-sentence''] We've given you so many chances to improve yourself, I've tried to help you but you never listen. [''long pause''] 
'''Chris''': [''[[sigh]]''] Clyde, could you repeat the question, I didn't have my headphones on? 
'''Clyde''': I've been trying to help you this entire time, but we've grown tired of you doing ''nothing''. 
'''Chris''': I ''have'' been doing something 
'''Clyde''': What have you done? 
'''Chris''': I have been making plans, I have been thinking very hard about getting a job and about going to Julie and convincing my family that she is, that she is a real woman. [''sigh'']I'm probably, I'm not lying, spending about $50-100 of my own money just to try, just to try go up and visit her. 
'''Clyde''': How much money? 
'''Chris''': 50 to 100. 
'''Clyde''': That's not a lot, you know that right? That's chump change in today's society. A long time ago one of our former, former [''inaudible''] Vivian [''inaudible''] but anyway she tried to help you but you didn't listen. 
'''Chris''': Well, look, I'm sorry. Look, I'm sorry about, look,I'm sorry about a lot of my past mistakes about not listening to everyone ok, but I've been under a lot of [[stress]]. 
'''Clyde''': What is this stress? You always cite stress. 
'''Chris''': Stress STRESS, Stress of the mean people that ha has give me such bad mark, uh, that have made a bad name and such. 
'''Troll 1''': Chris you don't know what stress is, you don't have a job you don't go. 
'''Chris''': [''interrupting''] I have a lot of stress in my life, [[Chris and his Ego#Fishing for Sympathy|my Aunt Corina just died and I have to go to her funeral and I'm going to be very sad that day and the funeral is happening on my birthday of all days.]] 
'''Clyde''': Shouldn't you be more sad about her than your birthday? 
'''Chris''': I am very upset about my Aunt Corina, she was a very sweet woman 
'''Clyde''': But you seem to be complain about it being on your birthday 
'''Chris''': Look, stop talking about that, OK? I love my [''Clyde butts in with a half formed sentence''] I feel sympathy for my Aunt Corina. She smoked and when she went to the hospital she died at the age of 75, her her, her cancer deteriorated her left lung and her liver and her brain. 
[''both Clyde and Chris try to speak''] 
'''Clyde''': Go ahead, sure, why not 
'''Chris''': And they kept her alive as long as they could, they could, till she breathed...her last breath—[''pulls out an Academy-Award-winning performance of tears, bawling all over the place. The trolls can be heard slightly chuckling in the background. He then says, between sobs and with a heavy heart''] We knew that she was dying [''Chris is too emotional here to make out what he is saying''] and that we were able to say we loved her one last time, over the phone. [''sob''] 
'''Clyde''': Well, they did their best. 
[''Trolls mock and imitate Chris''] 
'''Troll 2''': This is DELICIOUS! 
'''Clyde''': Silence, let him cry, let him cry. [''inaudible''] but this does not excuse for all your other past actions. 
[''Chris has made a miraculous mental recovery from his emotional state''] 
'''Chris''': [''loud sigh''] Look I'm unfit, I'm possibly [[Autism|retarded]], okay my mind [[Slow-in-the-minds|doesn't think so swift]]. I- I- uh, I'm likely even to make mistakes on the fly without realizing it. Sometimes I don't even give thought to something I've said [''inaudible''] but I can give a lot of before when I move from pe- uh, move from, uh, move from [[Panda]] to [[Julie]], because I though- I thought she had died in that fire. I was I uh my heart was petra uh about that possibility after I about that fire in Austra- uh post, It made me so sad. [''sobs creep back into Chris's voice''] 
'''Clyde''': Now this I can't believe. I believe your Aunt Corina and I'm sorry for your loss but about Panda, NO! 
'''Chris''': I cried my heart out. 
'''Clyde''': And then you just moved on, just like that. 
'''Chris''': NO, I uh, no I did not move on just like that. 
'''Clyde''': But you claimed she was your love your love. You don't know what love feels like, Chris. 
'''Chris''': I do know what love feels like. 
'''Clyde''': What does it feel like then Chris? Can you describe it? 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] It's... uh [''sigh''] it's indescribable, it's a priceless feeling, it's like you know you feel most elated, it's like your standing on top of a mountain with the wind blowing through your hair and it's a good wind. It's just uh love feels so good. True love feels so good especially when it, uh, comes between two people who have known each other for a long while and have got to know each other through pleasant conversation. And uh you know the bonus rounds are there too I mean I'll admit that but what I enjoy most are the pleasant conversations and learning about the kind sweet uh kind sweet women that they are [''sigh''] and that they care me and respect me very much and it just makes me feel so much better to know that I'm respected by the women. Because I felt, because it's like I don't get a lot of respect from people, from bad people like y'all being mean like right now. And this is just [''tears welling and emotion rising''] is making me want to cry. 
'''Clyde''': You said the women. Are you talking about a singular person or all women? 
[''once again, Chris has composed himself amazingly well''] 
'''Chris''': No, no I said women, women. 
'''Clyde''': You mean you want to be respected by everyone? All the women. You want to love them all? 
'''Chris''': No 
'''Clyde''': Or is it down to one person? 
'''Chris''': No, uh, wait. Now you're twisting my words around 
'''Clyde''': I'm just saying whatever you say. 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] Look I could uh, its a, look when I talk about the respect from a woman I'm talking about [[honest]] respect like after she's got to know me from the inside like, uh, most women should get to know their man, before they go have a relationship with them or or whatever. And if [[Julie]] just, you know between [[Blanca]] and [[Sarah Jackson]] and [[Panda]], [[Sarah May]] and Julie. I was very happy that day when I felt such respect when I felt the true honest respect of them. And there's noth- you know uh you know I'm sorry to have forgot to have mentioned Sarah May when I mentioned Julie [''inaudible''] when I was asked a question about naming friends. I'll admit I'll admit I was wrong. I was wrong I was wrong and I thank Julie very I mean Sarah Mayver, damn it, I did it again. I got mixed up. You, Y'all mixed it up when you mixed up my emotions because I'm upset all this. Anyways anyways Aunt then got to the hospital and I felt so sorry for- 
'''Clyde''': No need, no need for lies to keep up the false stories. They are all trolls. They are all trolls. Chris have I not got this through your head. Panda is sleeping right now if you could be more quiet. Sarah May is perfectly fine. Blanca, Blanca well I don't know where she's off to, the other two people behind Blanca I don't know and Sarah Jackson is still alive. They are all trolls, Chris. It's because you don't know what true love is. 
'''Chris''': I know what true love is. 
'''Clyde''': If you knew what true love was, then you would realize that they were trolls. 
'''Troll 7''': Yep. 
'''Chris''': Look, trolls, look, trollers or not I still cared about them very much. 
'''Clyde''': What? 
'''Chris''': Trollers or not, I still cared about them very much. 
'''Troll 3''': you're just bullshitting 
'''Chris''': And I- and I- I got so- I got so many good memories of them. Some bad sure and some even bad but good 
'''Female troll''': Chris all those memories are false. 
'''Troll 2''': You deluded pig. 
[''two people speak at once''] 
'''Troll 1''': Every scenario, all us. 
'''Clyde''': We were behind it all. 
'''Chris''': look I know y'all, I know y'all are feeding me lies right now 
[''huge reaction to this, everyone talks over each other''] 
'''Clyde''': You still believe that they were not trolling, this is the thing. Really? Even after Blanca destroyed your medallion, after Panda sudden mysteriously disappeared when she doesn't even live in that part of Australia, well, not any more she doesn't, but anyway. You still believe it. 
'''Troll 4''': You are stupid, Chris. You do not learn from your mistakes. 
'''Chris''': Look [''sigh''] I do learn from my- I have learnt from my mistakes. 
[''several people speak''] 
'''Chris''': I have learnt to take so many bullets and lies that were aimed directly at me, I learnt to take them like uh, like [''inaudible''] in the wind. Just let them fly by. let them fly by. I have learnt to sort the truth from the false. Panada true, definite true, definitely comes from the woman, from the people themselves. 
'''Clyde''': Why would you see through that one [''inaudible''] Julie after Sarah May and Panda. Urgh, I'm disgusted by that. But we'll make sure she never meets you. 
'''Troll 5''': Anyway 
'''Chris''': Look, y'all, are just, look y'all are just trying to make me feel bad because I have- because I have been delayed- because I was delayed in drawing comics as often as I should be 
[''eruption of sarcastic "oh yeah"s''] 
'''Troll 2''': You idiot, this isn't about the comics 
'''Troll 6''': How's [[Megan]] by the way? 
'''Chris''': I DON'T KNOW, I haven't seen her in a long time. 
'''Troll 6''': I wonder why 
'''Clyde''': Silence, silence, OK, I want to ask you one last thing, well not one last thing but a useful thing. Why do you think Megan left you? Can you think why now? I think I've asked you this before. 
'''Chris''': I can only think because I got too much in her personal space and I violate her with [[ShecameforCWC.jpg|the drawing]]. 
'''Clyde''': That was probably your only chance for true happiness and you screwed that up, and you're still doing it time and time again. 
'''Troll 7''': Yo, that drawing's fucked up, yo. 
'''Clyde''': And you still manage to post it up on your website. Why? 
'''Chris''': I don't... [''sigh''] 
'''Troll 6''': Clyde's correct, Chris. 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] It's a sexy drawing and it's [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack|a sexy website]] and I thought it was appropriate. 
[''several people respond''] 
'''Chris''': Besides, in the drawing the eyes are censored out, it's not like you can recognize the woman. 
'''Clyde''': [[Censorship]] does nothing once you've admitted it, Chris. 
[''trolls agree with Clyde's sentiment''] 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] 
'''Troll 6''': And besides, we thought that was your [[sister]] for the longest time. 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] [''whispering''] Jesus, Jesus. 
'''Troll 8''': I thought that was a better theory, actually. 
'''Chris''': Ahhh Jesus Christ. 
'''Troll 6''': Maybe you shouldn't have said anything, Chris? 
'''Chris''': Maybe not but y'all didn't have to twist my words round on everything make up all these dang stupid false slanderous theories and whatnot. 
'''Troll 7''': Dude, yo, that's bullshit. 
[''trolls disagree with Chris's sentiment''] 
'''Troll 1''': We're just going off what you've told us. 
'''Troll 8''': Exactly. 
'''Clyde''': [''Unclear''] What did you expect would happen? 
'''Troll 2''': You lowlife. I hope you bleed in slanderous Hell. 
'''Troll 1''': We've never slandered anyone. We just take what you've said and post it for people's interpretations. 
'''Chris''': That's my point, you've misinterpreted me. 
'''Clyde''': Well, you're going to have to correct yourself one day, you have to [''inaudible''] 
'''Chris''': I have been correcting myself, every day from the lessons I've learned and the mistakes I've realized I've made. 
'''Troll 8''': Really? 
'''Chris''': I've gone through so many self-revelations and uh,and uh,and personal upgrades for the better. 
'''Troll 7''': Like yo [[PSP]. 
[''trolls laugh''] 
'''Chris''': Forget about the friggin' games systems. 
'''Clyde''': Surprising from a man who spends over a thousand dollars on it. You see, Chris, you have a problem. You need to stop buying video games, you need to sell them all. They're no good, they're not helping you 
'''Troll 1''': It's only when you lose everything that you're free to do anything. 
'''Troll 8''': The man speaks the truth. 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] 
'''Clyde''': You have, We have estimated you have over twenty thousand U.S. dollars worth of video games, all at some points of your life. Why would you spend so much? 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] Well I started from childhood, I was brought up, I was brought up with video games. I started with a Commodore 64, when it was brand new. Just saying. 
'''Troll''': Chris, that is not a valid excuse. 
'''Chris''': It's the truth. 
'''Troll''': That doesn't make it valid. 
'''Clyde''': Chris let me ask you this. How many of the games that you've owned in your lifetime have you actually completed? 
'''Chris''': I have beaten the vast majority of them. I have beat most every [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] game I own. 
'''Clyde''': If you have that much free time on your hands, maybe you should get a job. 
'''Chris''': Hey you know what, for one thing I would get a job, but you know they would punch my name on the Internet, they would find that damn ED page and then- 
[''trolls all speak''] 
'''Clyde''': OK OK, yes you're right, you're right. We have slandered you, well we haven't slandered you. It's only the truth, the truth. I had to say "slandered" because you say that so much, but anyay. Ok let's say you just did have your own eight hundred dollar uhh, whatever you call it, "[[tugboat]]", which is a stupid name. It's a government check. You have your eight hundred dollars to spend and how do you spend that? 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] I got uh, I pay my, I pay my, I pay my family's bills, I give them a monthly rent, I pay my credit card bills 
'''Clyde''': But then you still [''inaudible'']. 
'''Troll 1''': You're right, Chris probably could not get a job but he can not also support himself on his tugboat. So [''loud typing noise''] he can't support his family anyway. Too bad. 
'''Troll 7''': Yo, I can hear that typing, what's with that? 
'''Clyde''': I know that you've revealed that to date you have credit card debts, you're already two thousand dollars behind. How do you expect to raise a family? How do you expect to help Julie? 
'''Chris''': Uhh... [''more loud typing''] 
'''Troll 5''': Ignoring the question, I see. 
'''Chris''': No. 
'''Clyde''': Look, if you go onto your [[YouTube]], beg your fans to bring down us [[the Miscreants]], but you know, your combined powers can not stop us. Nothing can stop us. 
'''Troll 8''': Every time we get knocked down we'll get right back up again. 
'''Troll 10''': And you'll never keep us down. 
'''Troll 11''': And everything that you have typed is through no one's fault but your own. You have, You have to reap what you have sown, Chris. 
'''Troll 1''': the best thing you can do is you know, go back out into the real world with your [[sign]], you know. Wouldn't that be just like old days? You wouldn't have the Internet trolls all over you. You just go outside 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] 
[''rapid fire error noise''] 
[''more loud typing''] 
'''Troll 1''': What are you, afraid of the sun? 
[''trolls all talk at once''] 
'''Chris''': I am not, I am not afraid 
'''Clyde''': [''inaudible''] then why have you not, you know, uhhh I don't know. When's the last time you've been outside Chris? 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] I've been outside, I go outside every day. 
'''Clyde''': To do what, exactly? [''phone ringing''] 
'''Chris''': I enjoy the air, anyway look, [[Max]] wants me to tell you that uhh, Julie will be at HQ in ten minutes 
''Troll'': [''unclear''] 
'''Clyde''': [''inaudible''] I mean, "enjoy the air"? I doubt it. I honestly think you're lying, Chris, again? 
[''more loud typing''] 
'''Chris''': I am not lying to you! Ev- most everything I tell you is the truth and if I make uh I if I make a certain, if I say the wrong things its because I didn't know better at the time. 
'''Clyde''': What do you mean you don't know better? You don't know what the truth and what the uh, false is? 
'''Troll 5''': You can't tell right from wrong? 
'''Troll 8''': You lied to everyone when you said you were going to [''inaudible''] 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] Because they, because, because they were, because they were big-time theories and my families wouldn't support me, I DID NOT HAVE THE MONEY TO [[Miyamoto Saga|MAKE A TRIP]] 
'''Troll 8''': So why lie to us? 
'''Troll 12''': My, my, aren't we a suffering Joe? 
'''Troll 8''': Stuttering Stanley, stuttering Stanley. 
'''Clyde''': OK, we don't need stupid insults, we need real insults, you know. I mean Chris, again, last time you've been outside. Detail it for us. Don't just say you just went out for air, that's a lie. 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] I went out with [[Bob|my father]] this morning for one thing, to go get, to go get breakfast. 
'''Clyde''': Where? I'd like to know. 
'''Chris''': And plus, and plus, plus he likes the company, he takes the newspaer with him. I read the comics and he reads evry- uh he reads the rest. 
'''Troll 7''': [''laughs''] comics 
'''Clyde''': You know I feel kind of bad for your father. All he wants is someone you know, intelligent to talk with but all he has is you. 
'''Chris''': He has [[Barb|my mother too]]. 
'''Clyde''': Well that to but someone of a male camaraderie, someone who can [''inaudible'']. You're not a very good son I take it. 
'''Chris''': I AM A GOOD SON and they have raised me very hard and they have spent a lot of money on me and I love them very much and appreciate them very much for that. 
'''Troll 13''': Almost too much. You seem to value their input more than you actually should. You are 26 years old, you are technically an adult but uhh- 
'''Chris''': Yeah but, it's not like, it's not like uhh. Look I have emotions and feelings and I uh I'm I'm more likely to [[Autism|stick to a routine]] and in order for me to make a big change I had to end up giving it a lot of thought first. 
'''Clyde''': Look Chris, this is the sad sad truth. You are going to grow up and die alone. I'm sorry to tell you this. 
'''Chris''': [''sigh''] Look leave me, just just shut up and leave me alone, leave me alone. 
'''Clyde''': We tried to help y- 
'''Chris''': [''interrupting''] Leave my [[Love Quest|love life]] alone. 
'''Clyde''': Whatever. 
[''Chris seems to be reduced to tears and leaves, trolls all speak'']
 
'''Troll A''': Oh.
 
'''Troll B''': Muahahahaha.
 
'''Troll C''': [''giggling''] What the fuck?
 
[''Multiple voices speak at once''.]
 
'''Troll B''': [''nonchalantly''] No—
 
'''Troll D''': Well, okay, we're not gonna strike it—
 
'''Troll D''': We actually got him to cry. We really got him—
 
'''Troll A''': Okay, BlueSpike...
 
'''Troll A''': Blue. Spike.
 
'''Troll B''': Oh. Wow [''elongated''].
 
'''Troll C''': [''unintelligible''] has to get him here again.
 
'''Troll A''': BlueSpike, you—basically you are not—every time Chris contacts you now, you should say [''unintelligible''] stuff, okay?
 
'''Troll A''': BlueSpike?
 
'''Troll B''': [''voice track plays over this voice''] He took your advice.
 
'''Troll B''': He's down now.
 
'''Troll A''': Yes.
 
'''Troll E''': No he's not.
 
'''Troll B''': Way down.
 
'''Troll D''': Guys, I think that he's stuck. He can't get out.
 
'''Troll E''': Who is?
 
'''Troll E''': Who's stuck?
 
'''Troll D''': No matter what we do, he's stuck in his house.
 
'''Troll D''': N-No, it do-it-it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. He doesn't care.
 
'''Troll C''': Who doesn't care?
 
'''Troll B''': He doesn't care?
 
'''Troll D''': It's only faith in him, otherwise—
 
'''Troll B''': Okay.
 
'''High pitched troll''': Screw it!
 
'''Troll B''': I think some people, I'm probably gonna be the first to say it, but, uh...just eat
 
'''Troll D''': [''interrupting'']: I kinda think we went too f—
 
'''Troll B''': I've seen some like that. I've seen some like that eat bullshit.
 
'''Troll C''': We have to get BlueSpike here.
 
'''Troll D''': I just think we went too far. That was a little, I mean—
 
'''Troll D''': I can kind of, like—y'know, to bring him down to tears—
 
'''Troll B''': You heard what he said.
 
'''Troll B''': You say—
 
'''Troll D''': Yeah, I know what he said.
 
'''Troll A''': "I apologize for that and I apologize for the [''battle/debacle''?]."
 
'''Troll F''': And regret even less.
 
'''Troll B''': I can't even find that funny.
 
'''Troll C''': I have no regret.
 
[''Three voices speak at once''.]
 
'''Troll B''': Chris, you're [chained?]—
 
'''Troll F''': But his face of tears to your analogy was horrid.
 
'''Troll A''': I have no sympathy for him because he's a retard.
 
'''Troll A''': I—I—
 
'''Troll E''': Who knows? Who really knows?
 
'''Troll A''': I feel little sympathy for the lower beings.
 
'''Troll E''': I feel sympathy towards the parents.
 
'''Troll A''': Oh, I feel sympathy towards Bob—Bob should've killed himself.
 
'''Troll B''': Yeah.
 
'''Troll C''': I feel the worst sympathy towards his [dog?]
 
'''Troll A''': Yeah, what's he really trying to—'cause I like, I like—
 
[''end'']

{{succession|label=[[Mumble|Mumble Chats]]|prevlink=[[Mumble 9|Mumble Chat 9]]|nextlink=[[Mumble 10|Mumble Chat 10]]|}}

==Links==
*[https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B6mRSOBYFcaBOE9CZjBTQ3VlZzQ Download]

{{FanChats}}
[[Category:Mumble chats]]

2014 Jail calls

2017-03-01T04:00:26Z

Largo best: changed sagas on videos

On 28 [[December 2014]], an agent called the Albemarle Regional Jail in order to confirm that [[Chris]] was an inmate there following [[26 December 2014|an incident at a local GameStop]] that occurred two days prior. According to Harvey Morris, the [[Jerkop|officer]] who answers the phone, they had received two prior calls that day asking about Chris. Harvey confirms that it was indeed pepper spray that Chris had sprayed the employee with, and that said employee was doing fine after the incident. The caller confirmed on [[CWCki Forums]] that the god-awful voice masking was added later.

After Chris's hearing on 29 December, another troll called the jail and was informed that Chris had made bail and was no longer being held there. This troll, however, did not use voice-masking.

==First call==
===Video===
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Albemarle Regional Jail call
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|X-4xcez2pGI}}
| Stardate = 28 December 2014
| Featuring =
| Saga = {{Sonic Boom|Sonic Boom}}
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Male Automated Message''': Hello, you have reached the Albemarle Charlottesville Regional Jail after our regular...business hours. If you know what your party's extension, you may dial it now. If not-- 
'''Female Automated Message''': One moment, please. [''brief, loud tone''] 
'''Harvey Morris''': Harvey Morris. 
'''Caller''': [''mumbling''] Hi. I, uh, want to request some information about an inmate that you have available. 
'''Harvey Morris''': Lemme guess, Chandler? 
'''Caller''': Uh yeah, the name is Christian Weston Chandler. I’m not the first one who’s calling about him? 
'''Harvey Morris''': Callin’ about what? 
'''Caller''': Uh, I’m not the first person to call you about this particularly... 
'''Harvey Morris''': No, you’re the third person in a row, that’s how I knew who it was about. 
'''Caller''': Okay, I’m...I'm surprised...I want to confirm or deny he is in jail right now, because, ah, somebody said that he was in two days(?) ago or something. 
'''Harvey Morris''': Yeah, he’s here. 
'''Caller''': He is? In jail? 
'''Harvey Morris''': He’s here, yeah, he’s got video court Monday mornin’, the next thing that’ll happen. 
'''Caller''': Okay, ahh, would you have more information? 
'''Harvey Morris''': What do you wanna know? 
'''Caller''': I dunno, um, if he’s going to be charged, ahh, if he’s going to, uh- 
'''Harvey Morris''': Oh yeah, he got a charge for...sprayin’ gas, I think he sprayed pepper spray on somebody. 
'''Caller''': Yeah, that’s some good information that we have, I guess, some video on YouTube where he sprayed a GameStop employee with some, um, pepper spray, somethin’ like that. I hope the employee is okay. 
'''Harvey Morris''': Aw, yeah, he’s fine. 
'''Caller''': Okay, glad to hear that. Ah, thank you very much, good afternoon, and, appreciate all your cooperation. 
'''Harvey Morris''': Yeah, try calling back tomorrow afternoon. He has video court tomorrow morning; you can try calling in the afternoon to see what happens. 
'''Caller''': Okay, thank you. 
'''Harvey Morris''': You're welcome. 

''Call ends.''

==Second call==
===Video===
<center>
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Second Albemarle Regional Jail call
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|pU4yRBZXsBw}}
| Stardate = 29 December 2014
| Featuring =
| Saga = {{Sonic Boom|Sonic Boom}}
}} </center>

===Transcript===
'''Female Automated Message''': You have reached the inmate information section--[''beep''] You have reached the inmate account and record section, the account office is open [''beep''] Monday through.....one moment, please. 
'''Officer''': Inmate records. 
'''Caller''': Hi. I'm, sorry to bother you but I just called. Uh, can you verify for me again that Christian Weston Chandler has already been bailed out? 
'''Officer''': Yes. 
'''Caller''': Okay. Thank you very much sir. 
'''Officer''': Uh huh. 
'''Caller''': Bye bye. 

''Call ends.''

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]

CWCki Forums

2017-02-28T03:18:15Z

Largo best: fixed broken link for riddle

{{quote|You God Damn Pinheads!!!! I have already told you; [[Chris]] has told you!!!! The Riddle's answer was the FUCKING PITTSBURG PIRATES!!!! CHRISTIAN IS NOT A GOD DAMNED [[Homos|HOMO]]!!!! CHRISTIAN IS [[STRAIGHT]]!!!! He gets [[Cakefarts|hard]] over women!! He vomits at [[JERKS|males]]!!

GET IT THROUGH YOUR GOD DAMNED, DEMENTED, THICK SKULLS, YOU GOD DAMNED PINHEADS!!!!

I should know very well, because I Am Christian Weston Chandler of [[Ruckersville]], [[Virginia|VA]], himself!!!!

You god damned males make me vomit, sick and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit]]!!|Chris on 24 August 2013}}

[[File:137704626985.jpg|thumb|400px|This is basically it.]]

The '''CWCki Forums''' was the name of a web message board previously loosely affiliated with the [[CWCki]]. It was frequented by many of the wiki regulars and other people interested in all things Christorical. Its primary purpose was to allow users to discuss and speculate about Chris, without needing to do so in the [[CWCki:NAF|CWCki talk pages]]. It received hundreds of thousands of posts on hundreds of different discussion topics about Chris over the years, and had thousands of posters, which can cause one to pause and either marvel at the enduring fascination of Chris as a subject matter, wonder who the ''actual'' autists were, or both.

Previously existing as a stand-alone board in various iterations, in February 2015 it was absorbed into a larger site re-branded as [https://kiwifar.ms ''Kiwi Farms''], which focused on lolcows (people and groups whose eccentric or foolish behavior can be "milked" for amusement and laughs) in general and not just Chris. (The new name came from [[speech impediment|the way several lolcows mispronounced "CWCki Forums"]].)

It is known that Chris was posting on the forum in 2012 under nickname "paintingatree". In his few posts, he generally tried to defend himself under the guise of a remorseful troll. This fact alone, as well as his [[Chris and writing|writing style]] and posting habits (posting rarely, never in the same thread again and never trying to start a conversation with other users) made his presence somewhat a open secret. Surprisingly, Chris registered again under the same nickname in February 2013. He wrote the first post on 23 May, in which he made it clear that it was him. In spite of this, [[Slow-in-the-minds|in other posts he pretended to be someone else.]] As it could be expected, he was trying to defend himself again (mostly from accusations of being [[Homos|homosexual]], since many users, knowing that they're being watched, jokingly concluded that the meaning behind his absurd [[August 2013 Facebook Posts#The_Riddle|Facebook riddle]] is that Chris wants to [[Chris Comes Out of the Closet|come out of the closet]]), and was very rude to the users in almost all of his posts. Being in the process of adding old friends from his [[Manchester High|high school]] on FB, he also asked if anybody found [[Tiffany Gowen]].

It's assumed that Chris lurked on the boards regularly, and screenshots of the forum have appeared on his [[Facebook]] account. His exact motivations for doing this are not clear, but it has been speculated that he intended to use the screen caps as proof of a troll conspiracy including [[Michael Snyder]]. Robert Bell, Chris's lawyer, was apparently unpersuaded by Chris's legal acumen and did not enter any screen caps into evidence.

The Kiwi Farms was shut down temporarily by owner Joshua Moon (known as Null on the Farms) on 20 January 2017 after his family was threatened by people who demanded the shutdown of the Farms. On the "This is the End" page, Moon linked to the [[CWCki Club]], a new forum founded in August with the intent of being a spiritual successor to the original CWCki Forums, with the primary focus being Chris. However, he revived the Farms 3 weeks later, after the threats grew to demanding all user data.

__TOC__

==Chris's posts==
Below are the posts Chris wrote under pseudonym paintingatree between 23 May and 6 September 2013. Unfortunately, all of his posts from the old Forumer incarnation from 2012 seem to be lost. Chris's posts are in blue, while posts in threads he was responding to are in red.

===Re: DreamHost and a possible migration===
{{quoteboxred|'''by Marvin » Wed May 22, 2013 1:00 am'''
Uhh, all the cool kids use linode. Also, I'd whatever the whatever you're asking us to whatever, but I'm too drunk to do it properly and/or usefully right now, so, maybe when I'm sober.|Marvin <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/dreamhost-and-a-possible-migration.998/#post-65466]</ref>}}

And then, [[Pokémon|a wild Chris-Chan appears]]:

{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Thu May 23, 2013 7:36 am'''
Why don't you and that damn [[Cwcki]] just go ahead and die off the [[Internet]] already so I can finally find some peace of my life? <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/dreamhost-and-a-possible-migration.998/#post-65470]</ref>}}

===Re: Should Chris Consider Dating A 'Special' Girl?===
{{quoteboxred|'''by Thetan » Sat Jun 08, 2013 10:42 pm'''
Rather than constantly whining about how lonely he is, Chris should consider revising his sweetheart standards. He has set the bar far too high for himself. He couldn't even make things work out with Faeryn or The Wallflower.

Chris could do well with a 'special' girl: potentially someone mildly mentally retarded who enjoys the same childish things he does. They could enjoy each other's company, coloring and watching cartoons together. As long as they don't have unprotected sex, I don't see a problem with this type of relationship.

Such a person may actually find Chris interesting, look up to him, and hang onto his every word. The relationship would not only alleviate his loneliness, but be good for his ego as well.|Thetan <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/should-chris-consider-dating-a-special-girl.1183/]</ref>}}

{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Tue Aug 06, 2013 11:48 pm'''
In response to your question, I ask you a question. Would YOU, in full honesty, full truth, in your right mind, at all, date a [[Tomgirl|"Special Girl"]]? [[Chris and hypocrisy|How would you feel if you woke up the next morning with droning moaning and blather coming from the face next to you?]]<ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/should-chris-consider-dating-a-special-girl.1183/page-6#post-77414]</ref>}}

===Re: Tiffany Gowen===
{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Wed Aug 14, 2013 8:20 pm'''
Hey, whatever happened to [[Tiffany Gowen|Tiffany]]? Didn't she get [[Merried Seinor Comic|married]] or something? Like, dude, where did she go; has anyone found her?<ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/tiffany-gowen.1065/page-2#post-70608]</ref>}}

Most noteworthy response:

{{quoteboxred|'''by applecat » Fri Aug 16, 2013 10:14 am'''
I found her! It was tough because she didn't have a Facebook, but I made sure to send her a link to the CWCki so she would know to stay away from that horrible man. She was very disappointed in him, but she thanked me for the tip-off. That's one more gal-pal safe from Chris!|applecat <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/tiffany-gowen.1065/page-3#post-70624]</ref>}}

===Re: I had a conversation with my wife about Christian.===
{{quoteboxred|'''by The Dude » Sat Aug 17, 2013 9:41 am'''
I've told her a little about Christian back in the day, but haven't told her about any of the recent stuff like Tomgil, running over Snyder, stuff like that.

The conversation went like this:

Me: So let's have a hypothetical.

Mrs. Dude: OK.

Me: Let's say something happens to me and we're no longer together. For sake of argument let's say I died.

Mrs. Dude: Oh no!

Me: So I'm dead and gone, and you're single again. Enough time has passed that you want to get back out and find another man.

Mrs. Dude: OK.

Me: Now here's the rub; the only guy who wants to date you is fat, balding, doesn't bathe, has no job, dresses like a girl, and lives with his mother in a hoarded house. He also shits himself when he's upset.

Mrs. Dude: Ew! EEWWWWW!!!

Me: What do you do?

Mrs. Dude: Tell him to stay away and strongly consider becoming a lesbian.

Me: A wise choice.

Mrs. Dude: There's someone out there that you know about who fits that exact description, isn't there?

Me: Remember that guy I told you about on the internet? The guy I showed you the videos of him having a singing battle with my friend?

Mrs. Dude: The autistic kid with the fucked up Sonic thing?

Me: Yup.

Mrs. Dude: He SHITS himself?

Me: Yup.

Mrs. Dude: Oh my...why? That's just grody! EW! EEWWWW!!

Me: I know.

Do you ever have conversations with anyone about Chris? How have they gone?|The Dude <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/i-had-a-conversation-with-my-wife-about-christian.1721/]</ref>}}

{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Sat Aug 17, 2013 2:56 pm'''
You, sir, are NOT married; you are making as much fabrication up as Chris would. Your post is a fraud; you will never change my mind; You Are Pathetic. Ha. Ha. Ha. <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/i-had-a-conversation-with-my-wife-about-christian.1721/page-2#post-107433]</ref>}}

===Seriously? No one wants to finish [[Facebook#The_Riddle|Chris' Puzzle]]?===
{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:08 pm'''
You all aren't even going to figure the Links between the photos? I mean, I don't think they have the same common thread, but one still links to the other. The lemon cake is a favorite food of businesswomen, and Cuban is a businessman. A bakery in Delaware highly recommends lemon and almond cookies. Delaware Bue Hens; hens on a farm with tornados. It's not totally rocket science. <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/seriously-no-one-wants-to-finish-chris-puzzle.1725/]</ref>}}

===Re: Chris likes [[Manchester_High_School#Go_Lancers.21|the lancers]] on facebook.===
{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Mon Aug 19, 2013 3:10 pm'''
Oh, for God's Sake!!! [[Chris and sex|Did Chris not make it clear enough time and again that he is in Absolute Fact Fucking Straight?! He gets a hard on with a Woman! He gets Pukey Sick when seeing topless males! He freaking wears a bra to cover his own shame! He gets a hard on with WOMEN!!! Stop Mislabeling the Straight Man Already!!!]]

BTW: Cuban was born in Pittsburg; Pirates roam the seas with the Mayflower; there is a photo of Chris wearing a Pittsburg Pirates Cap. Also, when you want to call him Stupid, do not mislabel him there either!

[[Chris and hypocrisy|You all are pathetic, stupid, no ounce is common sense or intelligence at all!]] I do not know why I keep following you all at all!

Break Up the whole Group here already!!! <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/chris-likes-the-lancers-on-facebook.1713/page-9#post-106963]</ref>}}

===Christian Weston Chandler is STRAIGHT!!!!===
{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Sat Aug 24, 2013 1:59 pm'''
You God Damn Pinheads!!!! I have already told you; Chris has told you!!!! The Riddle's answer was the FUCKING PITTSBURG PIRATES!!!! CHRISTIAN IS NOT A GOD DAMNED HOMO!!!! CHRISTIAN IS STRAIGHT!!!! He gets hard over women!! He vomits at males!!

GET IT THROUGH YOUR GOD DAMNED, DEMENTED, THICK SKULLS, YOU GOD DAMNED PINHEADS!!!!

I should know very well, because I Am Christian Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, VA, himself!!!!

You god damned [[JERKS|males]] make me vomit, sick and [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shit]]!! <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/christian-weston-chandler-is-straight.1760/]</ref>}}

===September 2 FB update; New Troll to "Welcome"===

Just after revealing himself in his previous post, Chris acts as if nothing happened. Instead of [[Calling Out|encouraging his trolls to harass his perceived enemies]] directly in a quoted FB post, he does it by pretending to be one of them... and fails.

{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Mon Sep 2, 2013 9:22 am'''
He has posted Publically ''[sic]'', and I quote:

I have just been intercepted by a Manajerk and an Offline Troll/Bully. Her name is [REDACTED]; works within the Mal-Wart region. Every Troll/Cyber-Bully should contact her at her email address of [REDACTED], and remind her that no one is to mess with an Autistic Person when they are in a depressed, sad, angry or foul mood, especially with the online reputation that was dragged through the worst mud, muck and bodily fluids that said Autistic Person has, and if his hatred of the XBox brand, and the number of Trolls that populate half to three-quarters of that brand, stand in the way of the foul mood, then that is Microsoft's Freaking Problem!

Yes! Let's Bother The Hell Out Of the Manajerk, and Give Her the Worst Day of Her Life!!!<ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/september-2-fb-update-new-troll-to-welcome.1805/]</ref>}}

===Bann has happened again===
Chris again requests for a trolling plan to troll Ms.Manajerk which is according to his [[Facebook#Chris_Expresses His Outrage for Walmart|Facebook post]] on 6 [[September 2013]], ignoring the '''No trolling plans''' rule again.
{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Fri Sep 06, 2013 1:00 pm'''
Ha! I sincerely do not find anything credible about this forum that makes it Not-Trolling. We really should Troll (name redacted) now that she has followed in [[Michael Snyder]]'s steps now. She deserves revenge in Chris' name. <ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/bann-has-happened-again.1851/]</ref>}}

===YOU ALL DO NOTHING BUT CONTINUE TO TROLL PEOPLE!!!===
After getting the responses he doesn't desire, Chris then tard rages and shows off his huge [[Chris and his ego|ego]] about how [[Chris and copyright|taking his words and content without permission or consent is trolling and cyber-bullying.]] Again, he pretends as if he is not Chris at all.
{{quotebox|'''by paintingatree » Fri Sep 06, 2013 9:02 pm'''
IF this was NOT a Trolling Forum, you all would NOT be talking at all about Christian. [[Chris and his ego|The more you talk about him, AND bother him in ANY Communications, AND take his words and content without permission or consent, THE MORE YOU BASTARDS ARE SO TROLLING AND CYBER-BULLYING!!!]]

DESTROY THIS FORUM AND THE DAMN CWCKI NOW!!!<ref>[https://kiwifar.ms/threads/you-all-do-nothing-but-continue-to-troll-people.1855/]</ref>}}

==CWCki Club==
{{main|CWCki Club}}
In August, a new CWC-centric forum called the "CWCki Club" (or "Club CWCki") was formed, with the purpose of being a spiritual successor to the original CWCki Forums, with the primary focus being Chris. The forum wouldn't gain much attention by Christorians until the shutdown of the Kiwi Farms, when many ex-farmers flocked over to the CWCki Club to continue discussing Chris.

==Gallery of screencaps Chris took of the CWCki forum and posted on [[Facebook]]==
<center>
<gallery>
File:Readinposts.PNG|Chris mocks board regular "Lucrid" and assures us the [[JenkinsJinkies]] sodomy story was made up.
File:Koreans.PNG|Chris denigrates Korean cuisine due to a misunderstanding.
File:No_trolling_plans.jpg|"No Trolling Plans"; Who the f*** are they kidding?" - [[Facebook#No_trolling_plans|Chris, over Facebook]]
File:CWCKiForumsPoll.jpg|Right; I'm ugly as hell. <nowiki>|:(</nowiki>
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
* [[CWCki]]
* [[Tomboys and Tomgirls of Virginia]]
* [[Trollin' Train]]
* [[Sonichu Girls]]
* [[GameFAQs]]

==References==
<references/>

==External links==

*[https://kiwifarms.net/forums/christian-weston-chandler.18/ CWCki Forums]

{{The Internet}}

[[Category:Things Chris hates]]

[[Category: Websites]]