CWCki - User contributions [en]

Talk:The Wall of Originals

2011-01-11T08:03:11Z

LeelooDallasMultipass:

==The Wall of Originals Gallery Project==
I have an idea - see [[:Image:513-CWCsWallOfOriginals.JPG|this pic]]? Let's try and identify every card from there, find it, and then post it into a gallery so we sort of have a virtual Wall of Originals that you can see. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:50, 20 October 2009 (CEST)

==Also, to do==
I think in the Kacey call, Chris babbles on about this and is fucking ecstatic that a woman cares about his shitty homemade cards. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:52, 20 October 2009 (CEST)

== The wall ==

notes: there are many duplicate cards (hand drawn/computerized) and there's an entire column cut off from the picture (checked either by file name or looking at the bra pic and comparing the cards. ell o ell) [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 20:18, 20 October 2009 (CEST)

==Who scanned the cards?==

I am in the dark here, sadly.

== Coin Flipping ==

<blockquote>
Every single card requires a coin flip. Or two. Or three. Every single one. Okay, not every single one, but several cards have multiple abilities, each of which requires a coin flip, which averages out.
</blockquote>
I'm not that into Pokemon; what is the significance of this?[[User:Skwrr|Skwrr]] 01:19, 3 November 2009 (CET)

Well, just that there's a shitload of annoying randomness in his cards. At the same time, though, the actual Pokemon TCG is just as bad about this, at least back in the day, so there you go.
[[User:Yoshi348|Yoshi348]] 19:41, 11 November 2009 (CET)

It's enough to make you wonder if "Chris and randomness" is worthy of a page, considering how often "randomness" comes up in his speech, stories, game design (such as it is), etc. He loves randomness like the woman he'll never get. [[User:Ensign disposable|Ensign disposable]] 21:12, 11 November 2009 (CET)

== Suggestion: Wall of Originals transcription project ==

I've noticed that the cards are rather difficult to read. This could be the result of two factors: The poor quality of the scans, and the fact that Chris's handwriting is fucking horrible. Perhaps we could create a separate gallery from the reproduction of the wall, and attempt to transcribe the text written on the cards to make it more readable? [[User:Tyranogre|Tyranogre]] 19:37, 14 January 2010 (UTC)
*Good thinking. Perhaps we could call it [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals]]? It could sorta be like the [[Yu-Gi-Oh]] card gallery there. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 19:39, 14 January 2010 (UTC)
**All right. Of course, it would be pretty much impossible to complete the entire wall in one edit... Tell you what: I'll go ahead and get the article started, and add the "incomplete" template to it. From there, we can add a few cards at a time, until we've got the entire wall covered. Better yet, we could "borrow" a trading card template from some Pokemon wiki, and use that to transcribe each card. [[User:Tyranogre|Tyranogre]] 19:48, 14 January 2010 (UTC)

The transcription project is now [[List of cards from The Wall of Originals|complete]]. We still need to fix the table to prevent screen-stretching, but the actual transcribing of each card is finished. [[User:Tyranogre|Tyranogre]] 19:25, 22 January 2010 (UTC)

The Wall of Originals

2011-01-11T08:00:14Z

LeelooDallasMultipass:

[[Image:0821-EP12-5P6-5.jpg|thumb|The Wailing Wall]]

'''The Wall of Originals''' (a.k.a. "The Failing Wall") is a large [[Relic of Fail]] showing [[Christian Weston Chandler]]'s customized [[Pokémon]] cards, which hangs from one of the walls in [[Chris's room]]. The lighting in several of his [[videos]] suggests that the sheet is covering a window.

==Things of note==
[[Image:513-CWCsWallOfOriginals.JPG|thumb|Close-up]]

There are several interesting trends which emerge when one takes in all of Chris's cards. They provide some insight into Chris's game design process, none of them particularly surprising.
* Every single card requires a coin flip. Or two. Or three. ''Every single one.'' Okay, not every single one, but several cards have multiple abilities, each of which requires a coin flip, which averages out. (To be fair, the same is true of actual, official cards.)
* The earlier cards that depict Christian depict him as a disgusting mutant (fairly accurate) with [[Niggos|a wide, flat nose and thick lips]] (not so accurate). This eventually branches out to include terrifying photoshops where an expressionless Chris is jammed into crude(r-than-normal) MSPaint backdrops.
* Note the first appearance of a female alternative for Pikachu, tastefully dubbed Chicachu, who can only deal damage when accompanied by a [[JERK|boyfriend]]. Which isn't sexist in the slightest!
* Plautistic. It is a plant, it is [[autism|autistic]]. It is extraordinarily likely Chris seems to think autism and psychic powers are linked. [[The High School Story|This will become a recurring theme.]]
* Chris shows up as a trainer, a gym leader, ''and'' a Pokémon, in several varieties apiece. Again, totally in line with his later storytelling technique of "gain as many powers as I want or need to do whatever it is I want or need to do." He has himself as a "normal" type, and is described as an autistic Pokémon, reinforcing the conclusion that he considers autism practically a superpower.
* In fact, many cards have devastatingly synergistic effects or several complimentary effects at once, allowing Chris to pull off combos with only one or two cards. According to reports about his card game technique, Chris would need these hugely layered card effects because he can't deck-build worth a damn.
* Some of the cards that are based on already existing Pokémon (such as Blue, Donphan, Togepi) were most likely made due to early Generation II Pokémon revealings, and the Yoshi and Luigi cards were based on an obviously fake ''[[Nintendo Power]]'' April Fool's Day Joke.

==Reproduction of the Wall==

<center>
{| class="wikitable"
|-
|[[Image:Luigi2.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:Espan.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:332-Espanolic.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:Vega.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:333-Vegaton.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:Blue.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:Baniru.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:Togepi.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:dhct.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:Missin.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:Bush.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:334-Bushwacked.jpg|50px]]
|-
|[[Image:Koffin.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:335-Koffingroo.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:Drum.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:336-Drummor.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:Cym.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:337-Cymbolic.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:Flashb.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:338-Flashbulb.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:Coon.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:339-Coonbulb.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:Bugz.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:340-Bugzapp.jpg|50px]]
|-
|[[Image:341-CWCsFlashbulb.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:342-CWCsCoonbulb.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:343-CWCsBugzapp.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:Weeler.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:344-Weeler.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:Hotfin.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:345-Hotfinish.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:Strgtre.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:346-Strongtire1.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:347-Strongtire2.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:348-CWCsWeeler.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:349-CWCsHotfinish.jpg|50px]]
|-
|[[Image:350-CWCsStrongtire.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:Comfrg.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:351-Compufrog.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:Snuble.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:Marril.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:Yoshi.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:Plautistic.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:352-Plautistic.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:Donphan.gif|50px]]
|?
|[[Image:SonchuC.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:168-SchuCard2.jpg|50px]]
|-
|?
|[[Image:CwcsonC.jpg|50px]]
|?
|[[Image:DrksonC.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:SrfsonC.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:SnwsonC.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:173-CWCsSchu2.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:174-SchuCard3.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:175-SchuBday.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:176-SchuCard4.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:177-RaceSchu.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:178-ShineSchu.jpg|50px]]
|-
|[[Image:180-SchuRchu.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:181-SchuCard5.jpg|50px]]
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|[[Image:183-SchuCard7.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:184-SonichuEX.jpg|50px]]
|Blank
|[[Image:250-BlachuCard1.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:251-GiosBchu.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:252-BlachuCard2.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:259-WildCard.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:274PunchyCard.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:279-MagiCard.jpg|50px]]
|-
|[[Image:209-Metonic1.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:210-Metonic2.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:216-UltSchu.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:217-UltSchuEX.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:166-SoneeCard.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:234-RchuCard1.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:235-RchuCard2.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:236-RchuCard3.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:264-BubblesCard.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:269-AngelicaCard.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:245-VamprosaCard.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:233-RoseyCard.jpg|50px]]
|-
|?
|[[Image:353-Kelbie.jpg|50px]]
|?
|[[Image:354-Annchop.jpg|50px]]
|?
|[[Image:355-Kixfairy.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:356-CWCsKelbie.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:357-CWCsAnnchop.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:358-CWCsKixfairy.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:099-CWCsCWC.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:100-DarkCWC.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:098-CWCCard1.jpg|50px]]
|-
|[[Image:359-Chicachu.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:360-Maychu.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:CwcchiC.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:CwcmayC.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:363-Evails1.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:364-Evails2.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:365-Supreon.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:366-Armat1.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:367-Armat2.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:368-Steeline.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:369-DSteeline.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:370-Techti.jpg|50px]]
|-
|[[Image:371-Cytiger.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:372-Booloon.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:373-Squirskun.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:256-EvilEnergy.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:SonTrn.gif|50px]]
|[[Image:376-STHTrainer.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:CWCtrn.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:101-ChristianC.jpg|50px]]
|?
|[[Image:158-Cwc City Gym.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:150-MTS.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:377-TurboRainbow.jpg|50px]]
|-
|[[Image:378-Whammy.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:225-SchuBall1.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:374-ChaosEmerald.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:379-Bulk.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:224-SchuZord.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:380-ShineyStadium.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:102-HookedOnSonichu1.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:103-CWCsMaint.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:186-edgehogsInLove.jpg|50px]]
|[[Image:Cwcdex.gif|50px]]
|Blank
|Blank
|}
</center>

==Gallery==
Cards that aren't on the Wall of Originals, and other related images:
<center><gallery>
Image:064-CWCsDuelist.jpg|''[[wikipedia:The Duelist|Duelist]]'' magazine.
Image:065-CWCsTopDeck1.jpg|''Top Deck'' magazine.
Image:066-CWCsTopDeck2.jpg|Another fictitious issue of ''Top Deck''.
Image:185-pokbck.jpg|Card backing where Sonichu [[mass debating|jerks off]] while kneeling.
Image:226-SchuBall2.jpg|[[S-Chu Ball]].
Image:361-CWCsChicachu.jpg|Christian's Chicachu.
Image:362-CWCsMaychu.jpg|Christian's Maychu.
</gallery></center>

==See also==
*[[List of cards from The Wall of Originals]]
*[[The Wallflower]]

{{Relics of Fail}}

[[Category: Relics of Fail]] [[Category:Arts and Crafts]]

User talk:LeelooDallasMultipass

2011-01-08T23:36:06Z

LeelooDallasMultipass: Blanked the page

Template:Welcome

2011-01-08T23:34:52Z

LeelooDallasMultipass: /* Hi there! */

Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2011-01-08T20:51:53Z

LeelooDallasMultipass:

In [[March 2009|19 March 2009]], [[Chris]] went on his first (and only) [[dating|date]] ever with a [[troll]] called [[Emily]]. For posterity's sake, the event was recorded, and is now presented in text format for your enjoyment here.

The voices heard in the recording are those of an elite crack team of courageous trolls and trollettes.

==Summary==
*The trolls worry about a possible appearance by [[Snorlax|Barb]], run a mic check.
*Emily talks to [[Bob]], ignores Chris.
*Bob recites his work history, from serving in the army to retirement. Chris talks a grand total of 9 times, gets ignored.
*Bob goes on at length about being retired. Chris tries to interrupt several times, and fails several times.
*Chris reveals his favorite artist is [[Britney Spears]].
*Bob reveals his patchy medical history.
*Finally, Chris gets a whole minute in which to talk. The [[Amnyfest Ring]] makes an appearance.
*Chris asks why [[University of Virginia|UVA]] doesn't have a [[Sonichu Girls]] chapter.
*Chris brings up his [[Heterochromia|pink-eye]].
*Bob goes back to his health problems.
*Bob and Chris mention their [[Cherokee]] heritage.
*Chris flirts.
*Chris [[fail]]s at flirting.
*Chris does the infamous [[Donald Duck]] impression.
*Chris talks about [[Sailor Moon]].
*Emily and Chris leave Bob and go out into the mall.
*Chris brings up winning the [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|Sonic competition]].
*Emily tries to be discreet about going to the bathroom. Chris announces she's on her period.
*Emily flees.
*The [[Man in the Pickle Suit|Pickle]] Man arrives and saves Emily, whereupon Chris announces "HE KNOWS [[Clyde Cash|CLYDE CASH]]."
*Chris tries to kiss Emily goodbye.
*Emily makes good her escape and goes home with the Pickle Man.

==Cast==

'''Frosty''' - A whiz kid, his high-tech know-how keeps the group online.

'''Camwhore''' - "Emily's friend", her mission is to capture video of the event.

'''Emily''' - Queen of trolls, she risks both life and limb on a plunge into the heart of darkness.

'''Pickle Man''' - Brave and daring hero, he protects Emily from certain peril.

'''Chris''' - Misshapen, autistic manchild, his disgusting nature seeps into the very recording of his voice.

'''Bob''' - [[Robert Chandler]], the proud [[Internet]] lumberjack, yet also slave to the manchild.

== Prelude... (00:00 - 03:13) ==
[[Image:ThongMic.jpg|thumb|right|Artist's impression of what Emily is wearing.]]
'''Frosty:''' Okay... lock it?

'''Frosty:''' Okay-

'''Camwhore:''' Are you wearing a thong? With a-

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Camwhore:''' That better be fuckin' ''tight''.

'''Emily:''' It's tight.

'''Camwhore:''' That may pop out while you're walking around, while you're like-

'''Emily:''' I should be like-

'''Camwhore:''' Or a robotic vagina.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' Say "It's my vibrator."

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' It's one of those things that you see taped to those- those hentai-

'''Frosty:''' Well, the thing is, Chris- if you said that to Chris, he would squeal.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Ungh, ungh, ungh, ungh! Okay, if he get's, like, ''way'' too close to me, I'm just gonna be like- get my chair farther away.

'''Camwhore:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' I really like your [inaudible]

'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughs''] Maybe Barb- Barbara can come.

'''Emily:''' Apparently, she doesn't leave the house anymore.

'''Pickle Man:''' No, I'm just [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Frosty:''' There- there are Barb candidates ''everywhere''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Frosty:''' No, no, no, no, no, no. But- but in all actuality, there should be no Barb; if there ''is'' Barb, I will shit myself.

'''Emily:''' If there is Barb, we're- we're done.

'''Camwhore:''' We're not showing up.

'''Frosty:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Frosty:''' "You brought your mommy?"

'''Emily:''' I should be like, "No– just put that shit in the bag, and we're not doing anything today."

'''Camwhore:''' Yeah.

'''Frosty:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' That's it.

'''Camwhore:''' And you can call him and be like "You owe me a ''dire'' apology, and you're the… jack-off-"

'''Emily:''' No– I'm sure I'm gonna yell at him, and make him ''cry''.

'''Frosty:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' And I'm gonna be like "Oh– I live in Clyde's playboy mansion now." [''laughs'']

'''Frosty:''' No– even better!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' [aside] I'm waiting. I'm ''part'' of Clyde's playboy mansion.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Camwhore:''' I'm the janitor.

[''all laugh loudly'']
'''Emily:''' Okay– let's go see if he's there.

'''Camwhore:''' ''You'' go see if he's there.

'''Emily:''' ''No!'' 'Cause- 'cause it's-

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible (but about "a girl")]

'''Emily:''' 'Cause I'm gonna make it like an entrance, like… ''"Hiii!"''

'''Pickle Man:''' Did he say where [inaudible, presumably where he'll park his car, judging by Camwhore's response]

'''Emily:''' No. Like, he wants to be- he wants to meet in front of Chick-Fil-A, so…

'''Camwhore:''' Figures! But the ''general'' idea would be you park near where you wanna… go.

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Camwhore:''' What if that [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' [aside] [inaudible] Do you see those pile of balloons right there? Swear to God: it looks like a penis.

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Camwhore:''' The balloons. Right here.

'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs'']

'''Camwhore:''' It's a fuckin' penis.

[pause]

'''Camwhore:''' Nope.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

[pause]

'''Emily:''' [''sighs'']

'''Camwhore:''' [''sighs'']

[pause]

'''Camwhore:''' There's that ugly bitch that looks like Hamster Girl… at Starbucks.

'''Emily:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Camwhore:''' She ''looks'' like Hamster Girl.

'''Pickle Man:''' ''Which'' one looks like Hamster Girl?

'''Camwhore:''' Right there. The only one that you can see working?

'''Pickle Man:''' Oh– over at Starbucks? You should see her with that hair off.

'''Camwhore:''' No, no, no. She looks like Hamster Girl. [inaudible]

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm telling you: you should see her with that hair off!

'''Camwhore:''' Oh– she don't have no hair?

'''Pickle Man:''' Um...

'''Camwhore:''' Oh– she has a fake-

'''Pickle Man:''' She has fake hair, or… she has no hair… or the hair back like this.

'''Camwhore:''' Well, yeah– I knew that.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Camwhore:''' I was gonna say: I don't- I guess she dyed her hair blond. 'Cause I remember seeing her with some ugly, strange-colored hair.

===Target acquired (03:13 - 04:43)===

'''Frosty:''' There he is!

'''Camwhore:''' shut up!

'''Emily:''' [startled] What?

'''Frosty:''' I can see a [inaudible] jacket

'''Emily:''' Oh my God! [jokingly] Eject! Oh my God!

'''Frosty:''' Is your jacket on? [unintelligible] Put your jacket on. Are you ready?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I'm ready. [''laughs nervously''] This is gonna be my best acting moment ever.

'''Pickle Man:''' He can't see my face before I suit up.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– go, like, look, 'cause he has to sit down first.

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Frosty:''' He'll realize later: that's what it was.

'''Camwhore:''' I don't feel bad.

'''Emily:''' Okay. Hopefully, he, like, won't come, like, around and- [inaudibly interrupted] Huh? I don't have my phone.

[pause]

'''Emily:''' Oh my God…

[pause]

'''Emily:''' If this goes all smoothly, I should get, like…

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] Where do I sit… to, like, watch [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Um, there's some ''benches'', like… by the tables. [abruptly] Oh! Oh! Oh, no.

'''Pickle Man:''' Where do I go?

'''Emily:''' Okay– there's some benches, like, ''nearby''…

'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah?

'''Emily:''' Um, just sit and watch him [unintelligible] till you need to go change or whatever.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. Well, I- I started the- I [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. I'll [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''exhales loudly''] Yeah. Or just, like… kinda walk around and see if you can… see us.

===The Green Mile (04:44 - 05:19)===

[Nothing but Emily's footfalls can be heard as she marches off to meet the manchild.]

===Meet the parent (05:20 - 07:17)===

'''Emily:''' ''Hi!''

'''Chris:''' Hello! Emily?

'''Emily:''' Yeah! I'm Emily. So nice to meet you!

'''Chris:''' Hi, Emily. This is my father, Robert.

'''Bob:''' Hello.

'''Emily:''' Hello.

[pause]

'''Emily:''' I've started shopping a little bit.

'''Chris:''' That's alright.

'''Bob:''' You're from West Virgina?

'''Emily:''' Yeah... I used to live here for a while, but then, I-

'''Chris:''' [abruptly] Hey!

'''Emily:''' But then, I moved to-

'''Chris:''' Cute hat!

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I thought you might like it.

'''Chris:''' [''laughs contentedly'']

'''Bob:''' You go to school over there?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– University of West Virginia. My friend, uh, wanted to go to school there, and she's my best friend, so I have to… go with her everywhere! [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' That sounds like the best way to do things!

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Hey, Emily– you mind, uh, a photo of you and me together?

'''Emily:''' Sure!

[pause]

'''Bob:''' What are you taking?

'''Emily:''' I'm doing journalism.

'''Bob:''' What?

'''Emily:''' ''Journalism.''

'''Bob:''' Journalism?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Ah! You wanna be a writer!

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''giggles''] I did a lot-

'''Bob:''' He has a… [[Cole Smithey|''half-brother'']] who's- who lives in New York City… and, uh, does ''freelance'' writing and show reviews and things… for newspapers and magazines.

'''Emily:''' Is it- does he love it?

'''Bob:''' I ''guess''.

'''Emily:''' [''giggles again'']

'''Bob:''' I haven't talked to him in years…

'''Emily:''' Yeah…

'''Chris:''' I can't this dang camera to work!

[pause]

'''Bob:''' Yeah– that's- I worked at, uh- I'm an engineer… and engineers never learn how to spell.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' I think very logically, but I-

'''Chris:''' Shoot! I got bad batteries in the camera.

'''Emily:''' [disappointed] Oh...

'''Bob:''' If I would- if I would ''write'' anything, half the words would be phonetically rather than the way we're… ''supposed'' to do.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' I got along fine… writing stuff… on my ''word'' processor… when I had a ''spell'' checker.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Without that, I'm [unintelligible, but clearly self-deprecating] [''laughs heartily'']

'''Emily:''' Did you like doing engineering?

'''Bob:''' Well... I- I had a real ''u-''nique situation…

[pause]

===Bob's work history (07:18 - 16:58)===

'''Bob:''' Look, uh… I'm- I'm really old.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Okay– to start with: I'm 81. And, uh, I came along ''before'' transistors.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Not- not [unintelligible] all the safe stuff we have now, but even before ''transistors''… when we had vacuum tubes.

'''Bob:''' I, uh... got drafted after World War II. That's how old. But, uh... then, they put me in the Signal Corps, and they knew things I didn't know. They taught me how to install valve systems and switchboards and telephone poles. So, I found out: yeah– I'm pretty good at that. So, when I got out– 'course that was in 1947– I found out- now, I know that we had a depression on our hands; I didn't know it then.

'''Bob:''' You couldn't get a job, so, I thought "Well, I got the G.I. Bill. I'll go to school."

'''Emily:''' Yeah– now, it's really hard to become an engineer.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– now, ya- I, uh-

'''Bob:''' I went to… a state teaching college to start with, 'cause I had the philosophy that if I went to a big school I'd be just… swallowed up.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, I went to a small school and took Pre-Engineering for two years, and that was the best thing ''I'' ever did, 'cause I wound up, uh- well, I got- I got through my two years of Pre-Engineering in small classes.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And also, I loved music, and I was in the band and everything. And I got in the symphony orchestra… and learned a lot about music while I was up there too.

'''Bob:''' And then, I went to Auburn, and then [unintelligible] talk about getting swallowed up!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Then, at that time, Auburn- which now has what: 30,000 students, or something? Auburn had about 5,000 students.

'''Bob:''' I got my Engineering degree. And then, when I got out, I said "Well, I'll, uh... I can do anything with relays and telephones and valve systems, and that sort of thing. I'm gonna work for Western Electric."

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' That seems logical, right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' [suddenly offended somehow] Hey!

'''Bob:''' Because they make, uh-

'''Chris:''' You- no– you listen to my father… because he's somethin'! Because I get some of my intelligence from ''him''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Especially my ''technological'' intelligence.

'''Bob:''' But anyway, I, uh- I went to work for them for 40 years, and, uh... at that point in time…

'''Bob:''' Uh, this is even ''before'' the Atlas missile… the ICBM.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' ''Before'' the Korean War… and, uh- but, I- I found out they were building ''radar'' systems. Well, that was fine, but also, they had lots of government money, so they wanted some automatic test equipment. At that time, ''nothing'' was automatic. They ''had'' none!

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, that's what ''I'' went and built, that kinda stuff, what I learned in the army, right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, I started working with the first automatic test equipment that we ever made. And then, GE heard about it… and they came down to [possibly town name] in North Carolina.

'''Bob:''' And- so, GE came down; they offered me a job… up in upstate New York. Cold country in Utica.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Bob:''' And then, uh... I went down to build some automatic test equipment for the ICBM [unintelligible] Intercontinental Ballistic Missile.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Nobody knows how, 'cause we haven't done it before.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' We'd done some of this automatic test equipment down here. "Why don't you come up there?" "Well, okay!"

'''Bob:''' So, I went up there for three years and helped develop the, uh, automatic…equipment… for testing the missiles, and… all the guidance systems, and things… in the [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' But- but I got- I was a soldier, true and tried, 'cause I was born in Texas and raised in Alabama.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And then, I was in North Carolina first. And then, I hit upstate New York, and I froze to death. [''chuckles'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah, that must be really different! [''laughs again'']

'''Bob:''' Well, after three years, I said "I'm going back to somethin' [unintelligible]" Well, GE- I didn't know it then, but I had a real, natural ''draw''… to the mountains.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And I knew about Roanoke, since I'd been in, uh, [unintelligible] So, I wanted to come back to Roanoke, and GE had plants there.

'''Bob:''' And… they were there developing- specializing in industrial automation. Except they didn't done any ''automation'' yet. They were just industrial-controlled.

'''Bob:''' So, I finagled a transfer back to Roanoke, and… I got there just at the time when they were startin'… to make… any kind of automation controls for engines.

'''Bob:''' So, I got into what they call "a new business area". And I got to do ''all'' the great things. All my- I- I really had it right. I was in the right places at the right time.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Because I am very ''logically-''inclined.

'''Emily:''' That doesn't really happen nowadays, with the economy…

'''Bob:''' Yeah– and I- I'm a logician.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Oddly enough, I never learned how a transistor even works… on records. But I ''use'' 'em all the time.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I use 'em. I'm retired now, a long time. But… when I started out with this group, and the first thing we got into was trying to automate a steel mill… for rolling [unintelligible] steel for your cars.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Well, we did that. And then, I got into… how to roll papers so you could get Kleenex.

'''Emily:''' [''giggles'']

'''Chris:''' And, of course, y'know, he's the guy that designed the controls for all the plastic water machines, so without him at this time, you couldn't have the plastic for your glasses.

'''Bob:''' And- and then- then, I got into- I was in the new business area where we could do the first one… and then, somebody else would take over and do the others.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And- and then, I got into managing a paper mill. But then, I got into the… industry of- of, uh, like phone line warehousing, automatic transition, like BART: Bay Area Rapid Transit.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Automatic railroads and all that kind of stuff. Automated a bunch of that. Then, I got into automating a bunch of mine [unintelligible] around the world.

'''Emily:''' You've been through a lot!

'''Bob:''' And then, I went to automating tanker ships, so you could run 'em from the bridge and have nobody downstairs.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Just someone else involved-

'''Chris:''' Want some water?

'''Emily:''' No, thank you.

'''Bob:''' And, uh... then, uh- then, um, I got into… I developed [unintelligible] I found out that there was very few people like me in the world that had this natural… inclination… for logic.

'''Bob:''' Anyway, like the ands, and ors, and the what-ifs, and the what-if-nots.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And then, I developed a system… called a [inaudible] that stands [unintelligible], that's an acronym.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Hardware-oriented Y2K pile of junk!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Similar fortune… was in… ''hardware''.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' Hey, everybody– I got [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you.

'''Bob:''' What this enables-

'''Chris:''' [unintelligible, but clearly addressing Emily]

'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] Thank you.

'''Bob:''' What this enables everybody to do- and me, too, but I was lazy…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Was to write down on- on paper– and design on paper from the start– a sequence of parallel lines.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And up to that point, nobody had a way of writin' it down on paper.

'''Emily:''' [''half-stifles a genuine laugh'']

'''Bob:''' And they ''still'' don't, really! [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' But that [unintelligible] to mind, horse and buggy.

'''Bob:''' Elevator-type system that's over a 5,000 ft. hole!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Then, I got into, uh, designing… ''scooter'' machines, which fused all the plastic around wires, and things like that…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Scooters. And then, I got into... die-cast machines… and the machines automating ''them''. They make things like carburetors, and cans, and whatever.

'''Bob:''' And then, I got into ''plastics''… and even the ''plastics'' were [unintelligible] automating their machines. In the process, I ended up with about… ''two'' patents [unintelligible] in ''my'' name that ''they'' own. And all this… dumb stuff. And I saw the first 2-liter Coke bottle…

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Come off the line in New England.

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] on it, and all these [unintelligible] microvalves, and ''doors'', and- and, um... ''shutters'', and stuff like that made out of plastic. All this stuff we got plastic.

'''Chris:''' [unintelligible] in your frames!

'''Emily:''' Yep! [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' Including, uh, Tupperware.

'''Emily:''' Can't… go without Tupperware…

'''Bob:''' So, then [unintelligible] ''finalized'' and- and perfected, basically, this [unintelligible] process…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Of design and documentation. [unintelligible] It came time for me to retire. And so, I did! [''chuckles'']

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' So, now, I'm ''un-''indated with all this stuff I did, and I don't know whether I did the world a good thing or not.

'''Emily:''' I think you did!

'''Bob:''' But I can't-

'''Emily:''' You did a lot of things.

'''Bob:''' I can't spell the word "cat" without a K in it.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, well, y'know, [[Chris and his ego|I'm proud of him anyway]], for his [[fail|accompliment]]- accom-''plish-''ments.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

[pause]

'''Bob:''' He's got a ''half-''brother who's a doctor.

'''Chris:''' ''His'' son.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh...'' okay.

'''Bob:''' And he's got a- and I have a daughter, who is his- his half-sister… that's a… Phi Beta Kappa outta UVA Atlantic.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh...'' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' She's workin' for the federal government, and she's got a PHD now. She's working somewhere for the federal government. All these math people… I dunno.

===Retired life (16:59 - 24:22)===

'''Emily:''' I'm not very good at math. [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' I'm not that-

'''Emily:''' That's why-

'''Bob:''' I'm good at ''logic'', but not at math.

'''Chris:''' But ''I'm'' good at math!

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Bob:''' He's not good at math when it comes to managing money.

[pause]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Hey– look! Hey– look it! I have… ''your'' plastic lid on it!

[''Chris chuckles and Emily laughs'']

'''Bob:''' We've been working with him, now, for 27 years.

'''Bob:''' It was a challenge. ''Most'' of the time, I've been retired, so I could stay home.

'''Emily:''' Yeah... usually, if you're not very good at math, you're really good at writing, which is why I'm going for journalism.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– well, I, um... I did- I do alright with writing as long as I got a spell checker.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

[pause]

'''Bob:''' I just, uh- I- but I enjoyed my life. It- it, uh- it- I had… things; I had- I had opportunities that most people don’t get.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I got to see all this stuff now.

'''Emily:''' That’s good. I hope that, like, y'know, I can travel around the world and, y'know... write up- do some journalism, like, overseas.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I’ve been to Australia, and I’ve been to Korea, and I've been to England. ''Most'' people [unintelligible] to see 'em, but [unintelligible] I've never seen, 'cause they work too good.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Well, it- it was interesting.

[pause]

'''Bob:''' I wish I could get- find out what ''Christian's'' really good- well, he’s pretty good in drawing…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And writing.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– he- she should know; she- you’ve- you should know; you've seen a bunch of [[Chris and art|my artwork]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah! It’s really good! All my- all my friends like it, as well.

'''Bob:''' [[Chris and copyright|He’s ''creative'']]… but he’s, um... I- I guess you know he’s- [[autism|he's high-functioning autistic]]… and, um...

'''Chris''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' At 6, he couldn’t even ''talk''… but he was… ''programming'' [unintelligible] on hid computer: his Commodore computer…

'''Chris:''' Commodore 64.

'''Bob:''' [''laughs''] Which was his first little-

'''Emily:''' Oh! I don’t know very many- much about computers! [''giggles''] Sorry! [''giggles some more'']

'''Bob:''' You’ve probably got a laptop, with a word processor, don't ya?

'''Emily:''' [reluctantly] Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah– but you-

'''Bob:''' Now, we've- we- we’ve brought him a long way.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' It’s been interesting.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... well, that’s a little piece for you- that you can, uh, write about, if you want to.

'''Emily:''' Yeah! That- that would be interesting.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, you- anyway, you came all the way here from, uh, VCU? Or did you make a few stops along the way?

'''Emily:''' No– I came all the way from VCU. Um... like, a lot of my fr- uh, friends over at VCU? They're into the whole Sonichu thing, but there’s a lot more… uh, like, I guess "Sonichu Girls"…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Up in, uh, the University of West Virginia. And we… k- we kinda do, like, a newsletter-type thing every week.

'''Chris:''' Wow.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

[pause]

'''Bob:''' But this is in one of my favorite spots in the country.

'''Chris:''' [responding belatedly to Emily] I commend you for that.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] little trees on West Avenue.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Have you heard of West Avenue?

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' You know where West Avenue is?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– a little bit; I don’t… really go in that area.

'''Bob:''' They're at the end of VCU, then?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] I don’t know that area very well.

'''Bob:''' It’s- it's a street of, uh, townhouses. And it's about three blocks long. And it’s got a second name called "Stork Alley".

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And every spring, they have a "Stork Alley Rally".

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? Oh…

'''Bob:''' At the same time, they have the Easter parade over on Monument Avenue.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’ve never seen it before, but my friends tell me about it. But I’m usually stuck in, y'know… college.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– but- but I was only in Richmond… um… 1975 through 1980. And then, I got married to ''his'' mother. And, um... ''he'' was born, and then, we got transferred over here; I worked for GE. And we lived in Chesterfield County… but I ''love'' West Avenue; that’s my favorite spot.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' I call it "Sesame Street".

'''Emily:''' Oh, that’s… [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Because they call it "Stork Alley", 'cause there’s so many kids.

'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah?

[pause]

'''Bob:''' I- I- I love the Virginian area.

'''Bob:''' His ''mother''… was raised– but you wouldn’t believe it– she- she was raised in a [unintelligible] home. And one that's [unintelligible].

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Right there on, um… I can’t think of the name of that street: the one that goes right in front of the Burger King… down at… VCU.

'''Emily:''' I don’t know what… streets really are-

'''Bob:''' Well, again- but that is a street that goes right in front of Burger King…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And right down the street from there is where… ''his'' mother lived for about 20 years and raised her first son. And he’s got a lot of ties to the family, too; he just doesn’t like me.

'''Emily:''' Oh... do you guys have a big family?

[pause]

'''Bob:''' Well, uh, we’ve got- we've got ''my'' son, and my daughter. You- my son’s in Richmond, and my daughter’s in Washington.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' And then, we’ve got ''her'' son, who's in New York. And then, there’s the three of us.

[pause]

'''Emily:''' Yeah– Schiflett's a really big family.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– we got… two- really, two separate families.

'''Emily:''' Mmm.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... but it’s not as big as The Brady Bunch!

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' No… it isn't.

'''Emily:''' No.

'''Bob:''' But we- we- we enjoy it, and I- I have- uh, I grow flowers. And... I don’t have to worry about… makin' a livin' anymore…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' With [[Social Security]], and... the GE pension. And GE's good and sound… fortunately!

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

[pause]

'''Bob:''' So, uh... I- I grow day lilies. I’ve gotten my yard full of [unintelligible]. And in the middle, I’ve got a, um... well, about 15 foot plastic greenhouse.

'''Emily:''' Oh?

'''Bob:''' Except… inside this greenhouse, it’s different.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Inside this greenhouse, there’s ''plastic'' flowers.

'''Emily:''' Oh– ''plastic'' flowers?

'''Bob:''' A ''swing''… and, uh, all my ''stereo'' stuff, and, uh...

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but he’s got ''real'' flowers in his garden.

'''Emily:''' Oh. Oh, okay.

'''Bob:''' Yeah– the day lilies are real, in the garden; but inside here, it’s all flat.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– day lilies bloom about once a year, during- dur- about ''once''-

'''Bob:''' In the summer.

'''Chris:''' This- this summer.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' There- there's also that-

'''Chris:''' And then, they stay that way for about a month or so. It’s a beautiful garden.

'''Emily:''' Oh, I can imagine!

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I’ve got about 15,000 healthy-

'''Chris:''' [dreamily/creepily] ''Imagine!''

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And I- I love all the music from- from Dixieland to Big Band to [unintelligible].

'''Chris:''' Raise me on music, he did!

'''Emily:''' [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' And- and musicals. And soundtracks.

'''Emily:''' Well, what’s ''your'' favorite artist?

'''Chris:''' Uh, my favorite artist? Well, he didn’t raise me on it, but, y'know, my favorite ss- uh... ''singer'' is [[Britney Spears]].

'''Emily:''' Britney Spears?

'''Bob:''' And, uh, he's got all- uh, mine are all back from the '40s, and '30s, and '20s, and-

'''Emily:''' And he’s into… more ''modern'' pop music?

'''Chris:''' Although… I guess if I had to pick a ''classic'' favorite, it would have to be ''Satchmo''.

'''Emily:''' "Satchmo"?

'''Chris:''' Louis Armstrong.

'''Bob:''' And- but I've got him all these big ''classics'' now-

'''Chris:''' [''does terrible Satchmo impression''] "Ten feet off the ground! Ba-doom-ba-bam-bow. [''Worst attempt at scatting ever'']"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' [''imitates trumpet melody'']

'''Emily:''' [''giggles'']

'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when it came out. All the European records were [unintelligible].

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when they came out, 'cause they were ten, twelve dollars a piece, then, but now, you can get 'em at Goodwill and Salvation Army…

'''Emily:''' Well like-

'''Bob:''' A ''quarter'' to ''fifty'' cents apiece.

'''Emily:''' [feigning enthusiastic agreement] Yeah! [''laughs weakly'']

'''Bob:''' ''Thousands'' of them now!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And inside, uh, I found out that inside this, um… um… ''greenhouse''…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Bob:''' It's got a ''dome'' ceiling… which gives it the ca- ''cathedral'' kind of [unintelligible]

'''Bob:''' Well... I found this ''great'' stereo system at, uh- in the 1970s, at Goodwill… and put ''it'' out there… along with the swing.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And... if you turn the volume up, then that music just sounds like it’s the hall where they ''recorded'' it! Ah– it's great! Goin' out there and swingin' with my music for hours on end!

'''Emily:''' [unintelligible]

'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily'']

'''Emily:''' That must be really relaxing!

'''Bob:''' Well, yeah– it's a nice life!

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely'']

===Bob's health problems (24:23 - 25:29)===

'''Bob:''' If I didn't have to worry about ''him'', I'd be in ''great'' shape!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs sympathetically'']

'''Bob:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' [''laughs nervously''] [unintelligible] But he's been- still been in… good shape all his [unintelligible, seems like gibberish] I mean, he's been in- he's been through, uh, ''three'' triple- ''two'' triple-bypasses?

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I was supposed to ''die'' in 1980.

'''Emily:''' Oh, no! What happened?

'''Bob:''' In fact, I ''did''.

'''Emily:''' What happened?

'''Bob:''' I [[Tobacky|smoked]] too much…

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Bob:''' And, um... I worked for GE.

'''Bob:''' I did all this dumb stuff I shouldn't have.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Yeah- but yeah– he- but yes– uh...

'''Bob:''' And, um...

'''Chris:''' God let him survive!

'''Bob:''' I had a couple heart attacks, and...

'''Emily:''' [responding to Chris] Yeah– for a reason!

'''Chris:''' And he's got a pacemaker now!

'''Bob:''' Yeah... I- I've been through- I lived through a triple-bypass in 1980 when they were brand new.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' And survived that… so, [[Chris and death|I've only died a couple times!]] And then, I got- I got through that. Then, ''he'' came along.

'''Chris:''' Hey! He come-

'''Bob:''' And then, I- I got retired…

'''Chris:''' Hey!

'''Emily:''' Hmm?

'''Chris:''' Yeah– hey– he's the one that's b- that has seen the light, but did not actually go ''to'' it…

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And, um...

'''Chris:''' A ''number'' of times.

'''Bob:''' I had ''another'' triple-bypass in '92… And I died a couple times that [unintelligible] And that was at Chippenham, over in Chester County.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

===Memories of High School (25:30 - 26:12)===

'''Bob:''' And, uh... when I was over there with him, I- I put him to school through, uh, ''Chesterfield'' County's school system.

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Bob:''' Well, they're the best in the country…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Bob:''' For- for schools, ''I'' think.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Bob:''' And- and, um...

'''Chris:''' Manchester High.

'''Emily:''' [uninterested] Oh, really?

'''Bob:''' Then, um...

'''Chris:''' That's my birthstone: [[Amnyfest Ring|amnyfest]].

'''Emily:''' And the ''side'' of it… What does it say: "Lancers"?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Is that- wait– is that your mascot?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Then…what's on the other side? "[[2000]]"?

'''Chris:''' Yes... that's my class and coat'a arms.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' [[Manchester High School]]. And look at the jewel! It's a galaxy cut on top, and a [[rainbow]] on the bottom. If you look at- in the ring-

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' Do you see-

'''Emily:''' I see it!

'''Chris:''' Do you see the rainbow?

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [[speech impediment|Well, anyway, like, y'know,]] I guess that's enough- y'know, that's enough talk from ''him''. Uh... you were gonna ask…

'''Emily:''' Aww...

'''Chris:''' ''Me'' something?

===The "Sonichu Girls" Club (26:13 - 29:01)===

'''Bob:''' Now, I wanna find out about these… ''Sonichu'' Girls!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Sonichu Girls?

'''Bob:''' 'Cause I didn't know about them.

'''Emily:''' Oh– didn't… Chris tell you about them?

'''Bob:''' No– he doesn't- no– he doesn't normally- he doesn't… ''tell'' me much about them, so... See– he's a- he- he and his mother stay up all night… and I stay up all day.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Uh... actually reminds me more- actually, we're more- sometimes, you stay up in the day; sometimes, you stay up in the night.

'''Emily:''' So, you've got, like, ''mixed''… like, sleep schedules, I guess?

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... my mom- and my- my mom picked up my bad biological- my messed-up [[biological clock]].

'''Bob:''' Yeah...

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Bob:''' She stays up all night! But anyway... I- I- yeah– I found out about 'em from… I guess, when you called on the phone…

'''Emily:''' Oh! [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' And- and left a message.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– it's a pretty big fanbase. Um... there's actually about- about 30-some girls… at University of West Virginia who, like, are part of the fan club.

'''Bob:''' Hmm!

'''Emily:''' And then, there's- I mean, there's, uh, plenty of others, like, around the world, too, that- we talk to… um, on the forums that we have?

'''Bob:''' Uh-huh.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Do- you got one here in UVA?

'''Emily:''' I don't know… [''giggles''] I don't have very many friends at UVA.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] That's why I heard- that's why.

'''Bob:''' VCU's [unintelligible].

'''Emily:''' Yeah. They're a lot more laid-back over there.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. Well, they're in the sand! How else could you be?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' 'Cause in the sand, you have to be laid-back.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

[pause]

'''Bob:''' Y'know, I was curious about this- this club…

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' I- I didn't know he even knew about it! ''I'' didn't know about it. I think it's great!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

[pause]

'''Chris:''' Hey– I've been on the [[Internet]] chat! And plus, y'know...

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Y'know, certain-

'''Bob:''' Plus [[medallion|the ''medallion'']], Christian!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... um...

'''Bob:''' He's got this yellow medallion with Sonichu on it…

'''Emily:''' Yeah! Why- why aren't you wearing your… [suddenly concerned] m- medallion?

'''Chris:''' Um... I just believe I expressed that, uh... in a video on, uh, [[YouTube]]? But I- I, uh...

'''Emily:''' I might've missed that; I'm not sure.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– um... I'd rather not say in front of- I'd rather not say in front of ''Father''… but, uh...

'''Bob:''' There's a lot of things he doesn't tell me; he doesn't share things with me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh''... [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' [whispering] If I told him why, he'd have ''another'' heart attack…

'''Emily:''' Oh, no! [''laughs politely'']

[pause]

'''Bob:''' Whatever.

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely again'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah... But I mean, y'know… think of it this way: at least you don't have another face that you have- you don't- it saves you one face to have to look at!

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– and look at 'em, y'know: they're ashually ''green-blue''.

[pause]

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I see it!

[pause]

'''Chris:''' Yeah– pink eye in that eye, and then, uh, the prescribed eye drops changed the pigment!

'''Emily:''' Wow... I didn't know that… could happen! [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. ''Yeah''... looks like you kinda, like, uh, have green-brown eyes yourself?

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

[pause]

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Emily:''' I thought they were just plain brown! [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– it's just that- y'know, it's- the angle of the light kinda gave it a little bit of a greenish tint…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] might be blue..

===Emily isn't hungry (29:02 - 29:58)===

'''Chris:''' Yeah... but ''anyway'', uh… you came all the way from VCU; uh... you hungry?

'''Emily:''' Oh– no, I'm not hungry. I ate on the way here, really.

'''Chris:''' Oh– you-

'''Emily:''' Stopped at, like, a rest stop. Got some vending m- [''laughs nervously''] vending machine snacks… and that's it.

'''Chris:''' ''Oh.'' That's good. That's good; uh... ''Father'' was thinkin' about, like- was gonna get us ''spaghetti'', and, uh... [truly flustered] we wanna sh- we wanna split it be- he was gonna split it between me, and, uh... I'm gonna split mine with you…

'''Emily:''' Oh, no… I'm not hungry. Thank you, though!

'''Chris:''' [weakly] Yeah.

'''Bob:''' We usually split a spaghetti, 'cause I- I can't eat it all!

[pause]

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... it's a really big bowl for him…

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Really… ''whoop!''

[''Emily laughs and Chris chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' It's not as big as I'd like… y'know... it's bigger!

'''Emily:''' No… [''giggles'']

'''Chris:''' Let's see… well, Dad– why don't you go get your spaghetti?

'''Bob:''' Do you want some?

'''Emily:''' No. I'm- I'm not hungry. Thank you, though…

'''Chris:''' Yeah... we could get you some ''water''.

'''Emily:''' No– I'm not thirsty, as well.

[pause]

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Okay– well, go ahead and get your sh- go ahead and get the spaghetti, Father.

'''Bob:''' Alright.

===Bob's health problems revisited (29:59 - 32:11)===

'''Bob:''' Yeah– I got one other thing I was gonna tell you about…

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' Since we've talked about it: on that, uh... I've died about five times now. The last time, I was at Golden Corral. The restaurant?

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible]

'''Chris:''' And… my mom was there with him.

'''Bob:''' [''chuckles''] I just… hit the floor!

'''Emily:''' Oh, no!

'''Chris:''' No– not really; uh... he was- uh, he was pullin' out his credit c- not really "hit the floor", but… he was pullin' out his, uh, credit card?

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Chris:''' And he would've… hit a- he was standing in front of, like, the cash register, and there was a bar railing there; the bar rail was there. If he- if my mom wasn't there to catch him…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' His- like his guardian angel, he would'a hit the bar and would've been… worse…

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' Would've been worse off!

'''Emily:''' Oh, wow...

'''Bob:''' But anyway, uh, now, I've got a pacemaker.

'''Emily:''' Wow. [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– and ''that's'' when he got his pacemaker.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' I guess that won't happen in, uh...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

[pause]

'''Bob:''' But I- I think the real reason why I survived all those attacks… which I think I'm ''proud'' of…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Bob:''' I don't know about you.

'''Chris:''' ''He's'' proud of it.

'''Bob:''' ''I'm'' proud of it. I don't know whether ''he'' is or not.

'''Chris:''' I'm proud of him, for it!

'''Bob:''' But I'm, um- I found out a few years ago- about… 10 or 15 years ago…

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm?

'''Bob:''' That I was… at least one-fourth Cherokee!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– so, that makes me an eighth… Cherokee.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So, I figured that- and then, I checked back all my father's… relatives [unintelligible] all the way up to be up in their 80s, and 90s, and even over ''100'' sometimes.

'''Emily:''' Dang! [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Well, I figured: well, that's why I keep bouncin' back from this.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' This ain't my time yet.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– either that or, uh, God's lettin' him stick around for my… c- for ''my'' case.

'''Bob:''' Somebody's gotta look out for him!

'''Emily:''' Oh... [''laughs nervously'']

'''Bob:''' [''cackles'']

'''Chris:''' [''cackles almost identically'']

'''Bob:''' Somebody's gotta pay the bills!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously again'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah… okay, Dad, uh... you s- alright, Dad-

'''Bob:''' Now- now, I'm dismissed, so I can go eat.

'''Emily:''' Oh... [''laughs nervously yet again'']

'''Chris:''' Well… not really "dismissed", because… y'know, I'm a little hungry myself… So… [''laughs nervously''] y'know, Dad, please go get the spaghetti and the bread.

'''Bob:''' You sure you don't want something?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I'm sure. Thank you for asking, though.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– y'know, I was concerned, myself.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Bob:''' Well, I'll let you two talk… mainly to save the table…

'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah…

'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily''] Then, I'll come back, and… If you don't mind us eatin' in front of you!

'''Emily:''' I don't mind.

[pause]

'''Bob:''' You better tell me more about this club you've got!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

[''Bob walks away'']

===Chris fails at flirting (32:12 - 36:48)===

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Yeah– y'know, you- uh... I must say you look ''good''.

'''Emily:''' Oh– thank you!

'''Chris:''' And, y'know, you are the first, uh, female Sonichu fan to have actually come a long distance to see me.

'''Emily:''' Oh– well, it's not that far! I’m sure, like, maybe some of the girls from VCU would come down sometime: like, maybe during s- uh... summer break.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but I mean, at least all the way from, uh, West Virginia.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' I mean, that’s farther than VCU, I'm sure.

'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely''] We might take a road trip down here.

'''Chris:''' [in a sing-song voice] "Take a road trip! It's a little road trip!"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. [''does terrifying Donald Duck impression''] "And this is my [[duck]] talk! This is, uh, Donald Duck!"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] [almost fearful] Is that the one that scared that child?

'''Chris:''' Uh... at the-

'''Emily:''' At [[Wendy's|Wendy’s]].

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Emily:''' I don’t know how that’s scary.

'''Chris:''' No– not- not- no– not- really scary; y'see, he was ''tired''…

'''Emily:''' ''Oh''... okay. So, you…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' But it makes a lot of children smile, ‘cause they’re familiar with that D- classic Disney character.

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

[pause]

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... you mi- you don’t mind if I t- if I, uh, have my hand on your shoulder?

'''Emily:''' Uh, not for too long…

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] "Not for too long".

'''Emily:''' ''Okay''... not- not for too long…

'''Chris:''' Okay [''incredibly creepily'']...

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Mmm. [''chuckles again''] This is like- wow– I finally… get, like, this… beautiful girl in front of me…

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] Thank you.

'''Chris:''' And she's like- and she actually got to know ''me''.

'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Just, like, y'know, uh... Yeah. So… what’s your- what's the reason you need ''your'' [[glasses]] for? I’m ''near-''sighted myself.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’m nearsighted, as well.

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' I don’t have very good eyes.

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] It's like, y'know, we’re close, so it's like, y'know, we don’t need glasses to see each other…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Do we?

'''Emily:''' Hmm... no– it's still blurry…

'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''... Mmm. How do you look without that hat? I mean, I want- I'd like to see the, uh…

'''Emily:''' I- I like this hat. My hair doesn’t look good today.

'''Chris:''' Oh…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Your hair doesn’t look good today? Are you sure?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’m sure. [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' How’s my [[hair]] look?

'''Emily:''' It looks good!

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Looks good. [''chuckles''] Boy– I've had it sleepin' against ''pillows''… and I took a shower before I went- before I went to- um, crashing on the… couch.

'''Emily:''' [slightly disgusted] Oh...

[pause]

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but I put on some, uh, bod- body s- some [[Axe|Axe body spray]] before I left. Do you like that smell?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– it depends on which one it is.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Uh, which one is it?

'''Chris:''' I believe it's, uh... it's called "Proximity".

'''Emily:''' Oh– I ''really'' like the choc- the new chocolate one.

'''Chris:''' Oh– the, uh, "Dark Temptation"…

'''Emily:''' ''Yeah.''

'''Chris:''' Oh– I was running low on that can anyway.

'''Emily:''' Oh... okay.

'''Chris:''' It's like I- if I- if I- if we- if we was hookin' up, I would've gotten more of that!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs'']

[Note: Chris both stutters ''and'' laughs through "if we was hookin' up", so it's not at all clear that Emily realizes what she's laughing at.]

'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] But seriously, though: you ''are'' cute.

'''Emily:''' Oh– thank you.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. ''Mmm''... Yeah– I like- I like this- I like this- I like the get-up you’re wearing. It's like you're- you c- you straight- came straight from, uh... the, uh, PGSM… show.

'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah... [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' It's the live-action [[Sailor Moon]].

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I’ve seen some of the episodes for that.

'''Chris:''' I’ve got the entire series-

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Saved to my [[PlayStation 3]], including the, uh, wedding episode.

'''Emily:''' Oh– I don’t… think I’ve… seen that one… so…

'''Chris:''' It's, like, the very- it's, like, a very special ''last'' episode.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

[pause]

'''Chris:''' [in a strange, baby-like voice] You actually get to see ''Usagi''… [back to his normal voice] and, uh- aww, shoot– I forget his name, but, y'know...

'''Emily:''' Uh... Mamoru?

'''Chris:''' Yeah– Samoru. That’s it; ''you'' got it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' You ''got'' it!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' You got it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah– I used to be a really big fan of Sailor Moon. Well, I still am; I’m just not as big of a fan as… nowadays.

'''Chris:''' Did you see [unintelligible] entire anime series?

'''Emily:''' Um, I haven’t seen the ''last'' season.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– Sailor Stars.

'''Emily:''' ''Yeah''... 'cause it didn’t come out in America, 'cause they’re, like, afraid of the transsexuals?

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] Yeah.

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously'']

[pause]

'''Chris:''' Yeah... Yeah– I kn- I know that. But I ''have'' that on, uh- I have that on ''[[DVD]]''-

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Uh, y'know, with J- Japanese audio and [[English]] subtitles.

'''Emily:''' How do you feel about that? Like, the transsexuals and… the Sailor Starlights?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Um...

[pause]

'''Emily:''' Does it, like, make you uncomfortable, or… would you-

'''Chris:''' No.

'''Emily:''' Would you have minded if, like, it came out, and the TV showed just, like, little kids?

[pause]

'''Chris:''' Um... ''Yeah''... [pitiful] I don’t have much of an opinion…

[''Emily and Chris both laugh'']

'''Emily:''' It's kind of a… sketchy subject, there.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– it's, uh- it's… [in a British accent] ''itchy''…

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

[pause]

'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah– but you can sketch a lot in your, uh... journalism, don't ya?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. Well, I m- I mean, we don’t draw a lot; we just… We do, like, the little outlines, and then, we start writing.

'''Chris:''' Okay– well, I mean, you- I mean, you sketch your ''letters''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' I bet you sketch your signature pretty… don’t you?

'''Emily:''' No– I thinks it's, uh- it's just basically a bunch'a scribbles.

[''Chris and Emily both laugh'']

'''Chris:''' Eh... a lot of people would say that about their signatures, I’m sure.

'''Emily:''' Well, I mean, some people just, like, put an X for their signature, and that’s it.

'''Chris:''' ''Ah''... but not you. You put…

[pause]

'''Emily:''' An E and… an S, basically. [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' Uh- uh, an S?

'''Emily:''' Yeah– Emily Schiflett.

'''Chris:''' Oh– ''that’s'' your last name!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' "Schiflett".

'''Emily:''' Yeah– my middle name’s Julia.

'''Chris:''' ''"Julia"!''

'''Emily:''' ''Yeah.''

'''Chris:''' "Emily Julia Schiflett".

'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Flows nicely, doesn’t it?

'''Chris:''' It's beautiful!

'''Emily:''' Aww... thank you.

'''Chris:''' D- do you dot your I in "Julia" with a heart?

'''Emily:''' No... [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles'']

[pause]

===Eating spaghetti and conversing (36:49 - 44:46)===

[''Bob comes back'']

'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] Alright, Dad– uh, I'll let you, uh, divvy up the spaghetti onto my plate.

'''Bob:''' I get to divvy it up!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Bob:''' Wow! Christian– I don't know… I tell you, my ''treat'' to finally come down here! I love their spaghetti!

'''Emily:''' ''Oh''... really? I don't think- I've only had their pizza there… before…

'''Bob:''' Yeah– the, um- all the spaghetti places in town are too expensive.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' My favorite, though, is, um, Olive Garden.

'''Emily:''' ''Oh.''

'''Chris:''' Yeah– b- but-

'''Bob:''' But they don't have one here!

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' But they should have one here.

'''Bob:''' ''I'' think they should.

'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah…

'''Chris:''' You ever been to an Olive Garden?

'''Emily:''' Mm-mmm.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. Well, yeah– it's a good place to, uh, get, uh, spaghetti.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' I- I've actually- yeah– y'know, I was there with my father… when- the few times we visited, uh, Olive Garden.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' Yeah– a good place to get, uh, spaghetti; really good.

[pause]

'''Chris:''' And also, we've been to the, uh, few, uh, nearly- to the ''other'' nearly esstinct, uh, restaurants: y'know, like [[wikipedia:Shoney's|Shoney's]] and Western Sizzlin.

'''Emily:''' Oh– I haven't seen a Shoney's around in a ''while!''

'''Chris:''' There's one in Chesterfield Count- there's a bun—there's a few in the Richmond area…

'''Bob:''' And one over close to VCU!

'''Emily:''' Oh! Really? I didn't see it! [''laughs politely''] Of course, I'm- I'm usually not looking for them, so…

'''Chris:''' Yeah– we even ha- yeah– we even- at- at home, somewhere, we even have a t- we even have the- the teddy bear: the ''Shoney Bear''.

[pause]

'''Emily:''' The Shoney Bear?

'''Chris:''' Yeah– it's- that was their mascot.

'''Emily:''' Oh, okay.

'''Chris:''' And I mean, if you look it up- if you look up "Shon"- if you- I'm sure if you Googled "Shoney's", you'd, uh... find their mascot being the teddy-

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Being the bear.

[pause]

'''Chris:''' [in a somewhat cutesy voice] "Bein' the bear in the shirt…"

'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

'''Chris:''' [unintelligible] "to… wan- to wan- to… gawk- to ''gander'' at!"

[pause]

'''Bob:''' Christian– they got lots of juice!

[''Chris chuckles and Emily laughs'']

'''Chris:''' Well, ''you'' can have it…

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Chris:''' I don't need to, uh, ''slobber'' all over myself… Especially in front of my, uh, "lady friend", here.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] Aww...

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Bob:''' Do ya need a little bit more?

[long pause]

'''Bob:''' You can deal ''without''…

[pause]

'''Chris:''' Yeah– he doesn't usually eat the bread, so, uh, I'll take his- so, I take his breadsticks.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' I'm gonna go get some more water.

'''Emily:''' Okay!

'''Chris:''' I'll be right back.

[''Chris walks away'']

[pause]

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] share with him.

'''Emily:''' [laughs politely]

'''Bob:''' I share with my wife. [unintelligible] She had to stay home today.

'''Emily:''' Does she do anything for a living or is she retired as well?

'''Bob:''' She's retired. She used to be a secretary. She worked for uh, General Power

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' You know, our nice power company, whatever they're called now... Dominion?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And uh, she worked for uhm Circuit City for a while before she retired.

'''Emily:''' Well good thing she's gone- she got out of Circuit City before they started going downhill.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, well they were going downhill [unintelligible] retired.

'''Emily:''' Oh really?

'''Bob:''' Yeah, [unintelligible] got retirement. She didn't retire 'til, a couple- three years ago. She's younger than I am...everybody is

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' But she's younger than I am, but uh [pause] [unintelligible] she uh worked [unintelligible, Chris comes back]She loves that band there, over there. I like the band there. She loves that. Grey Street. Grey Street.

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' Do you know where Grey Street is over there? Do you uh, Do you know where the Burger King is over there by BP is?

'''Chris:''' [chuckles] Yeah.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:'''[Unintelligible, Emily is laughing as he says it]

'''Bob:''' The Burger King is on Price Street.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' I-I-I'm an engineer [unintelligible] uh, Main uh what you would call Main Street.

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' VCU is all back in [pause] all back in here like this,

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] and downtown Richmond is this way.

'''Chris:''' [says something about [[Pokemon]]]

'''Bob:''' He loooves Pokemon.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, we used to come down here for the Pokemon league or uh [unintelligible] Yeah, I remember that.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Well VCU is-is you is-is here. Well all around in here, they're everywhere, but fifth Avenue is over there.

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Bob:''' And Grey Street is 3 blocks, all the way through there like this where the lower side of VCU is.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And they got all their little restaurants and their little stores and things like that and they're all along Grey Street.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And where his mother lived for about twenty years was right about here... On Grey Street.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Hey, by the way you know I have eaten with uh, chopsticks before.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' See there?

'''Emily:''' That may be kind of hard with a fork and a knife. [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Heh heh heh hey that's close enough.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [laughs]

'''Chris:''' I can't...

'''Bob:''' Yeah, well while we were over there in Richmond.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, are you a little bit [[Honor Roll|Chinese or Asian or Japanese]]?

'''Emily:''' Nuh uh.

'''Bob:''' I think it's just from wearin' glasses.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I think it's just the glasses... And the dark hair. [chuckles]

'''Bob:''' My best friend over there was Reverend Chen of the Korean Church.

'''Emily:''' Uh huh.

'''Chris:''' And this is in Chestfield County.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. And he was from Seoul, Korea, and I was in Seoul for about a year. Went in about the time he was born.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' But he was my best friend over there, and I used to spend talking with and talking to. Because he was really interested in the world.

'''Emily:''' Mmhm.

'''Bob:''' And I'm really world oriented, and my favorite institution is the United Nations.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' I think they're the answer to everything we got in this world... but... [delayed pause] We went to the Korean church while we were over there in Chesterfield County when he was in school. I tell you, that's where picked up the chopsticks.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' [Starts talking but is cut off by Chris.]

'''Chris:''' They gave me, they gave me my bible that I used in my Sundays- days.. when I graduated from High School.

'''Emily:''' Is it part, like, in the other language? Or-

'''Bob''' and '''Chris:''' No.

'''Emily:''' Uh, only English, okay. I know there's some that have like two different languages in it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it's a King England- It's a King England bible.

'''Bob:''' And what they do in the Church, they-they [trails off quietly].

'''Chris:''' King's English, whatever it is.

'''Bob:''' [still quiet, hard to hear] ...Korean.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' It's all Korean language, except for a few of 'em. And then they had like, a wireless [unintelligible], those little earphones, where you could hear the translation.

'''Emily:''' [chuckles]

'''Bob:''' It was kind of neat, I-I enjoyed it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, everybody was able to bring their own food and we'd get to sample it for uh-, and we'd get to have a nice lunch meal every Sunday there.

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' [laughs] You like spicy food?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I like- I like spicy.

'''Bob:''' What I was gonna say, uh, kimchi.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. Go away, you know?

'''Emily:''' [laughs] Too spicy for you?

'''Bob:''' Yeah, it's too spicy for me.

'''Chris:''' [sounding it out] Kim-chi, hm.

'''Bob:''' But, uh, like they told me if anything that's red, forget it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [chuckles]

'''Chris:''' Except your spaghetti sauce, right Dad?

'''Bob:''' They didn't have spaghetti sauce, no they watched that to me, they gave me that more bland stuff.

'''Emily:''' Oh. [chuckles]

'''Bob:''' I even-I-I-I even had my own special [[pedofork|fork]].

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' If it was me I can handle spicy, seriously, I can even probably even handle the kid-the kid- the kimchi, what he said.

'''Bob:''' That's- that's-

'''Emily:''' I can't handle spicy food that well, it upsets my stomach.

'''Chris:''' Mmm.

'''Bob:''' I like jalapeño a little bit

'''Emily:''' [chuckles]

'''Bob:''' -a little jalapeño. I love [unintelligible].

'''Emily:''' Hah, yeah.

'''Bob:''' [something more about jalapeños, followed by silence] Yeah, they told me anything that was red, don't pick it up.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [laughs politely]

[silence]

===Bob on World News (44:47 - 51:00)===

'''Bob:''' Yeah, I miss Reverend Chen, he was- he was really interested in learning about the world.

'''Emily:''' Mhm.

'''Bob:''' And he didn't have much of a chance-[hard to hear] and we- we'd sit there and talk, at McDonald's-

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' every morning, for 2 to 3 hours, and just go through ''The Washington Post'', page by page, you know, just learning about the world

'''Emily:''' Good. I wish I could, like, pick up the newspaper and read more. I mean I pick up, like, our school newspaper and that's about it, but I mean when it comes to world events I read some of the articles, but I mean some of them I just can't get into.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, it's a new thing on TV.

'''Emily:''' Mhm?

'''Bob:''' At least we have it here on Comcast... I don't know what you have though.

'''Emily:''' I'm not sure what-

'''Bob:''' Over there.

'''Emily:''' I'm not sure what-

'''Bob:''' But, it's a program on public television, it's really a station here, we have three different stations, [unintelligible] and one of them's called World News. [says call sign], World News.

'''Emily:''' I don't think we have that.

'''Bob:''' And, they uh-they have uh English translations of everything on it, but they have programs that originate all over the world. [unintelligible] So you see how the rest of the world looks at the U.S.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' So you see what they're saying about us and what's going on over there. Half the time I find out things that are happening in the United States, that somebody in Germany or Russia or China or in Japan-

'''Emily:''' [laughs] That's always nice.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, that's one of my my favorite stations, and they have it here. I-it's a public radio sponsored thing, but it's called World View.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Dubya-vee(WV).

'''Emily:''' I think my school has that, I'm not sure, I might have not never noticed or anything like that.

'''Bob:''' Well they might have it, because it's very educational.

'''Emily:''' I like watching Discovery Channel.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, I watch Discovery, and World Discovery Science, and World History, and-

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Yeah there's lots to see on TV. In fact, uh, I can give you a tip that you can pass along. Christian thought of it. He came up with it, believe it or not. He taught himself to read.

'''Emily:''' Really?

'''Bob:''' Oh he could really read, by turning on the closed captions on the TV.

'''Emily:''' Wow, that's-

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' That's go-that's clever!

'''Bob:''' I keep telling everybody I know including all these learning phd's, and psychologists,

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And everybody, you know [unintelligible] you got a kid that's all wired up, [unintelligible].

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh?

'''Bob:''' Turn on the closed captions, [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:'''[unintelligible] and they learn how to read!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Bob:'''But they won't listen to me, I'm just an 81 year old fogey!

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' But he came up with-

'''Emily:''' But you know they'll come up with it and someone else will take the credit for it later on.

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] I don't think it really matters, but he came up with it

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

[Bob fades into background noise]

'''Bob:'''...I thought it was such a phenomenally good idea. [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Well he-he's got a photographic memory.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' But I think those were the [[autism]] a little bit.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' And I got an audio memory too. [apparently they were talking about him]

'''Bob:''' Cause he can, you ever heard of, um ''Mario World''?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [chuckles]

'''Chris:''' [chimes in to correct, sounds a bit upset] He's talking about ''Super Mario World''.

'''Bob:''' [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Well in three days, he-he [unintelligible stuttering] killed King Koopa. I can't get off of ''Yoshi's Island''.

'''Emily:''' [laughs] I'm not very good at those games either. [more laughing]

'''Bob:''' The reason he is, is cause he can remember all those different moves.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' It's like taking a picture, [unintelligible].

'''Emily:''' [laughs] I reckon I wanna know about that.

'''Chris:''' I'll tell you one thing, you've got pretty face. [not a mistake]

'''Emily:''' Aww, thank you.

'''Bob:''' She looks like Margie, doesn't she?

'''Chris:''' What?

'''Bob:''' She looks like Margie.

'''Chris:''' What you mean the ''Peanuts'' character Margie?

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' You know Margie?

'''Emily:''' [laughs again]

'''Chris:''' Uh...no. [cuts off Bob with more laughter from Emily] No, I'd say if anything she uh, wait a minute I'm trying to...I'm trying to figure it out. Um...

'''Bob:''' She doesn't look like Peppermint Patty.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Yeah I'd say, uh, you compare when-when tied up there, you look more like, uh Rei from PGSM.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, [pause] she's one of my favorite characters.

'''Chris:''' You like Sailor Mars, [lame voice] Flame Sniper!

[pause]

'''Emily:''' Who's your favorite character?

'''Chris:''' Um, with the exception of uh Usagi and Chibi-Usa. I like, uh, Ami.

'''Emily:''' Any particular reason, like?

'''Chris:''' [chuckle] Well, I don't know it's just like you know

'''Emily:''' Cause she's smart?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' And uh also, I think it's, I think also it's the blue hair, I'm not sure.

'''Emily:''' Do you like blue?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, blue is my favorite color, what's your favorite color?

'''Emily:''' I like [[Pickle|green]].

'''Chris:''' You like green. I guess you like Jupiter.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, sort of. [laughs]

'''Chris:''' [apparently doing a horrendous impression of Sailor Jupiter] Jupi-tahhh!

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

[pause]

'''Chris:''' [clears throat] [to Bob]You know, if you uhh, if uhh, you moved, uh, the car, you'd- you'd be all right by yourself at this point, right?

'''Bob:''' I been takin' care of myself for 81 years!

'''Emily:''' [laughs] Aww.

'''Chris:''' I mean, it's like, uhh you know, if you, uhh, don't feel like sitting around any more, we can go, uhh, walk and talk.

'''Emily:''' I don't want to leave him by himself. I mean...

'''Chris:''' He's all right.

'''Emily:''' Will you be here at the mall very much longer, or...

'''Bob:''' I dunno.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Well, if he's here by the time we get back, he'll be here for that much longer.

'''Emily:''' OK...

'''Bob:''' I can stick around, but I'm slow.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, he's slow.

'''Bob:''' I like to eat slow, I don't gobble my food [''unintelligible'']

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

===The Bear Band (51:01 - 55:23)===

'''Bob:''' -enjoy it, savor it-

'''Chris:''' You know I taste my food and savor it as well. At least my first bite.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [laughs] [unintelligible] Even faster than you!

'''Bob:''' After that it's [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Yeah but by the way, you know it's on one of my shirts. It's on my favorite shirt, you know, the one I draw myself in often.

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I felt it was appropriate for uh, being my first female Sonichu fan...

'''Emily:''' [interrupts with a laugh] Thank you.

'''Chris:''' ...have come a long distance.

'''Emily:''' Thank you. Anyway, where do you want to walk off to?

'''Chris:''' Uh, you know, uh, anywhere in the mall.

'''Bob:''' All those exciting things around the mall.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, doesn't look... it's not very big. [laughs]

'''Bob:''' You're right.

'''Chris:''' Yeah I have. I wish it was two story, like Regency Square.

'''Emily:''' Where's that?

'''Chris:''' It's in Chestfield County.

'''Bob:''' No, it's not in [???]...

'''Emily:''' [laughs over Bob]

'''Bob:''' ...County. It's close [inaudible] It's across the river.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

{{anchor|Christopher}}
'''Bob:''' [inaudible]... That's that big shopping center over in north, north-west side of Richmond.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. I've never heard of it.

[[File:BearsteinbyChris.jpg|right|thumb|Regency Square Bear Band]]

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and it has a Bear Band there... that's uh, where I got...that's where I learned about Christian and got my name changed from Christopher to Christian.

'''Bob:''' How come none of your fans know about it?

'''Chris:''' For one I didn't share it arou- didn't talk about it very much.

'''Bob:''' When he was born... I was too chicken to name him Christian.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Wow.

'''Bob:''' I was too... so I named him Christopher.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' But I really wanted to name him Christian.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And so, when he was... what? Seven or eight years old...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' ...we were over at Regency Square...

'''Chris:''' Yeah I think his photo...

'''Bob:''' ...at Christmas time. And they had this automated Bear Band.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Like... they had bear characters that were playing instruments, and one of them was conducting and singing.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And...but underneath there was this old man fella talking, and he had a camera, so he could see who he was talking to. And he [inaudible] talking to the Bear.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] was British...had a British accent anyway. But he was talking to Christopher. And he asked Chris-he asked uh, Chris his name. He said Christopher, but he misunderstood.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And he thought he said Christian.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' So he started calling him Christian.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Over there... at the mall.

'''Emily:''' Mm.

'''Bob:''' Guess he liked that, and uh, so later we got- later we got... later we did all the paperwork.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Made it official, changed it from-from Christopher to Christian.

'''Emily:''' Well at least he got the name that you wanted to give him.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, yeah I know. But...and then Christian came along with later and confided in me like he does sometimes...

'''Emily:''' [awkward laugh]

'''Bob:''' ...sometimes, that he had so much- too many problems here in [[Greene County]], north of here where we live.

[loud cough, probably Chris]

'''Bob:''' It's a little small county 'n rural. Got... maybe 10,000 people in there.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' It's about ten... yeah, about ten miles up the road.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And, uh... he had so much trouble over the school system there. They tried to put him in an institution for years. For years I fought 'em in court.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And I kept winning and winning and winning, but finally I took him to Richmond to go to school...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' ...to get him away from...them.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And I spent seven years over there with him in a townhouse while his mother was working over here.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' But, um...anyway, he confided in me one day after we changed his name.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' He was all, "I really wanted to change my name to uh, to be a Christian as a new life in Chesterfield County...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' We left Christopher over there with those people in Greene County.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but then here's the [unintelligible] I thought...I real-I realized, uh, later after we came back to our Ruckersville home here.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' Uh...yeah, um...after we came back I started hearing Christopher, like you know, Christopher Thorndyke from ''Sonic X'', at least.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' It's like... it's like- like you know...at the same time it's like th-those...it's like the past spirit of Christopher saying [''high-pitched voice''] "You should change your name!"

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Anyway, we're still... we're still back in the same house, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] programmed... I had an interesting life...

'''Emily:''' I don't know.

===Chris's card game history (55:24 - 59:24)===

'''Bob:''' [''inaudible''] Now I can play around...[''Chris talks over him'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Well actually, uh, also you know, [''inaudible; possibly 'brace yourself for the history of how it originally started'.''] [coughs] In Chesterfield County in 1998.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' In the February '98 issue of ''[[Nintendo Power]]'', uh... they had the p- the had the uh, they had the Char- they had the Charmeleon Pokemon card from the first base set.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Two months...yeah, like a month or two after that, over by the Books-A-Million I signed up for the Pok...I uh, with...uh...within that time I uh learned to play the game after I picked up some cards from the deck. Then I went to the Poke- I started going to the Poke'mon league over there, at the Books-a-Million.

'''Bob or possibly a bystander:''' Oh my god.

'''Chris:''' Then we moved back to Ruckersville, uh, been around, uh, went to Pokemon League over at, uh, Toys-R-Us, then uh [''inaudible, sounds like 'The End''.'], and uh, finally over at [[The Game Place|The, uh, Game Place]].

'''Bob:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' But then they kicked me out, uh, last...June of last year.

'''Emily:''' Was that at the Toys-R-Us or, uh, the End...?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, they don't...they don't do that anymore [unintelligible].

'''Emily:''' You could always, like, go back to those places, I mean, maybe they've...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' ...got other [[card games]] that you can play.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well [clears throat] I think why- also why one of the reasons why I decided to go back to playing ''[[Eye of Judgment]]''.

'''Emily:''' Mm.

'''Chris:''' I'm going to the online tournament that's like starting today.

'''Emily:''' Are you gonna...are you joining? Or...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it's basically all I have to do is go online and play against...

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' ...oh...uh...against opponents like around the world.

'''Emily:''' Oh. Nothing hard. [laughs]

'''Bob:''' You play him, you'll probably win.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Yeah, if I get...if I get within the top 100 I win the free promo cards they're off- offering.

'''Emily:''' Uh, what do you...what do you get if you win like first place, do you know?

'''Chris:''' A title.

'''Emily:''' A title? [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Yep. A title. If I don't go-

'''Emily:''' Why don't-no money or anything like that?

'''Chris:''' No, but...

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' ...you know, at least I get the free promo cards.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' And I'd-I'd just as soon get the cards than the title, but if I get the title, then that's just plain dumb luck right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Like that one time you won what, $500 worth of stuff?

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, I-

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, uh, four hunnerdollar gamecar- GameStop gift card from that ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' gift card.

'''Emily:''' Oh yeah! I voted for you.

'''Chris:''' Thank you.

'''Emily:''' [laughs] You're welcome.

'''Bob:''' But he won.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean I shared it with my church's congre-my church congregation.

'''Emily:''' Well what did you spend your portion...did you spend some of it on yourself?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, I spent it on myself. I got some [[Wii]] games for myself, ''Country Music'' and ''Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess''.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' Yeah, you were popular at the church.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' You gave...you gave about 10 or 15 games away, right?

'''Chris:''' Uh, no, it wasn't-it wasn't like 10 or 15, I'd say it's more like, uh, five or eight.

'''Emily:''' Five or eight.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but you know the top three, you know, the uh...three of the children over there, they uh, they requested from me, they appre-they appreciated it so much they gave me...made this little tree for me and little ah-ah-ah branches...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' And put like the...they put like fun little ornaments, like you know, like you know twist-tie- you know, twist-ties...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' ...and the uh...shoot what is it...pipe cleaner.

'''Emily:''' Mm. Oh.

'''Chris:''' [unintelligible] pipe cleaner, paper butterflies, pa-paper hearts and pa- uh, used paper clips...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' ...and wrote their names on the...on the card there. It was.. a nice little gesture.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' For, you know, appreciation and the fact that I was shar-

'''Emily:''' Yeah, that was very nice for you to do that and for them to thank you like that.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' How about sending me a copy of your publication...of your Sonichu Girls?

'''Emily:''' What was that again?

'''Bob:''' About sending me a copy.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' I might join. I guess I'd have to change my...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' -gender, wouldn't I?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' How would you feel about your dad being a Sonichu Girl?

'''Chris:''' Now...

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' He could be a...he could be an honorary Sonichu Guy.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' How about that?

'''Emily:''' Yeah, that'll work.

'''Bob:''' You gotta tell me what's going on.

'''Emily:''' You don't know what's going on.

'''Chris:''' [laughs]

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' It's basically girl chatter amongst the four of us, right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

===Girls (59:26 - 01:05:21)===

'''Chris:''' I-I like to see the girls talk. I listened to girls talk a lot back in high school because I have my wide circle of [[gal-pal]]s...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' ...between my high-school years and also my elementary-school years. And also I didn't live my young life. In my neighborhood I was pretty much the only guy in the neighborhood.

'''Emily:''' [laughs] Well then, lucky for you.

'''Chris:''' [laughs]

'''Emily:''' All the other guys are jealous.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [pause] Yeah.

'''Bob:''' My favorite girl, I guess, on the TV - aside from your mother, who's not on TV - my favorite girl.

'''Chris:''' Shirley Temple?

'''Bob:''' No, that was back when I was a kid [inaudible].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but you do like Shirley Temple a lot.

'''Bob:''' And uh, uh this is one that's on uh... MSNBC if you watch that. On the NBC Money channel.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Name is [[wikipedia:Erin Burnett|Erin Burnett]]. She is a smart girl. She hosts a lot of it. She's been...already been to Russia and Asia already. She must be...no more than 25? She is very smart. She impresses me, she's a really smart girl. Not a brunette, [inaudible].

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' I don't know about [inaudible]. Flakey blondes.

'''Emily:''' Do you like blondes?

'''Chris:''' I like blondes. But, you know, it's so...that's so stereotypical...

'''Bob:''' Yes.

'''Chris:''' ...to call 'em flakey cause they're not all flakey.

'''Bob:''' No, they're not. No way.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Like you know Pamela Anderson is very smart.

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [laughs]

'''Chris:''' ...just to name one at least. She wrote the book, ''Star''.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. Paris Hilton also wrote a book, too.

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' Have you ever read that?

'''Chris:''' No I no-I haven't even heard of it.

'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah. She wrote her own book.

'''Chris:''' That's cool. [pause] I think Britney Spears wrote a book too, didn't she?

'''Emily:''' Yeah. Britney Spears is really smart. Even though people like, diss her blah blah blah saying, but she's pretty intelligent.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. So anyway, there you go. Three blondes, right there, that are sexified [unintelligible].

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Hmm...I guess that's why he would be uh, he would-it's one reason he was attracted to my mom, is she reminds him of Marcie, you know?

'''Bob:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' I guess she kind of turned him off being Marcie-ish,

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' being a Marcie type yourself. I mean...

'''Bob:''' She looked like Liz Taylor then.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Everybody thought she was Liz Taylor.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. By the way uh Emily, how old did you say you were again?

'''Emily:''' I'm 19.

'''Chris:''' 19.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' OK.

'''Emily:''' I started hi- I started college.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you started college as a journalist.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. Something I'd like- I don't want to really, you know, go for a degree where, you know, I won't be happy with it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [pause]

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] No, you keep writing...

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' Then you look at it, and put it down for a day or two.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Then you decide [inaudible].

'''Emily:''' There's a... in my creative writing class what we do sometimes is that we write one line each day for a story, and just, every day we just write a different line, and eventually like after maybe a month or two, you know, it's supposed to be a story.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] But then, you pick it up and lay it down, you pick it up and look at it again...

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' ...and each time you little minute corrections.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Mild corrections. But that's the way to do it. And if you don't try, you don't-you don't gain nothing [unintelligible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' You gotta keep trying. You know, you don't give up...who knows, some crazy bear might come along and call you Christian.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' [laughs] What?

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] silly bear might come along and call you Christian, right?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. [pause] No, I don't think so. I don't think a-I don't think a British bear could confuse "Emily"...

'''Emily:''' Yeah. I don't-there's no other name that really sounds like Emily.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] there was a writer named Emily.

'''Chris:''' Emily Dickinson?

'''Bob:''' Yeah, Emily Dickinson.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I couldn't even remember...

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' I just slipped- it just came up. That was the only Emily I could think of who was a writer at the time.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' There's probably a lot of Emilys I'm sure.

'''Bob:''' His mother keeps tellin' me- [Chris talks over him]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' His mother keeps tellin' me I got more dibs though [unintelligible].

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Emily Julia Schifflet.

'''Emily:''' Yep.

'''Chris:''' That's her full name, Dad.

'''Bob:''' Is it Schifflet?

'''Chris''' and '''Emily''' simultaneously: Yep.

'''Bob:''' Well now I want you to know something. If you were in Greene County, they'd welcome you with open arms.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Because Schifflet... and what's the other name up there? Uh, two- two names basically in Greene County. One of 'em's Schifflet, and ...Marks, is the other one

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And it was Marks, or Schifflet your native tongue.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Betcha got lotsa relatives up there and don't even know it.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I have a lot of, um, a lot of family, but I don't know most of them. I stick with my parents and maybe a few aunts.

'''Bob:''' Where do they live?

'''Emily:''' What was that again?

'''Bob:''' Well, where do your parents live?

'''Emily:''' Oh, they live up in West Virginia too. They moved up there as well.

'''Bob:''' They moved up there.

'''Emily:''' Mhm.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] wild wonderful weather.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, they don't have...they-they wanna let me go on my own, really. [pause] [Chris talks over her]

'''Chris:''' You took a big step.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I don't trust them, either.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] we've been to a lot of parks. I keep telling him now that he's young and I'm old, and why don't he take me to the park?

'''Emily:''' Oh!

'''Bob:''' He-he won't do it.

'''Emily:''' [clears throat]

'''Chris:''' Listen to him.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' I think it ought to be [inaudible].

'''Chris:''' [high-pitched] Do you agree with that?

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' I spent 27 years of my life with you, why can't you spend 27 years of your life with me?

===Basketball and a fateful trip (01:05:23 - 01:14:22)===

'''Chris:''' Because, [unintelligible]

'''Bob:''' I'm not gonna live that long, I know.

'''Emily:''' [awkward laugh]

'''Bob:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' I spend time with you, Dad. Like I spend time with you now when you [inaudible] wanted to meet Emily. Before uh, you know, when you leave, uh, leave-leave us alone and let us do our talking.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] go home and watch some basketball.

'''Emily:''' That's something to do right there.

'''Bob:''' Yeah. And I'll see what's goin' on...[inaudible] the NCAA.

'''Emily:''' I don't watch a lot of sports, really.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] You don't watch [inaudible]?

'''Emily:''' I don't really watch sports. I mean, I sometimes will with some of my friends, but I can't really get into it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and I was actually a manager-slash-waterboy in my freshman year of Man-at Manchester High School's varsity basketball team.

'''Emily:''' Were you good at it? Did you say you were- you played basketball?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, a little bit.

'''Emily:''' Are you good?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm fair.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' But, you know I was...I-pl-...y-you know my freshman year I manager and waterboy for the varsity basketball team.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

[P.A. system faintly in background]

'''Bob:''' Good, cause I think I'm gonna go home.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Alright, dad, well you have a safe trip.

'''Bob:''' You can do whatever you want, I guess.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Bob:''' Whatever time Emily wants to spend with you.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I can't stay too much longer. I have to get going back to co-

'''Bob:''' Headin' back to West Virginia tonight?

'''Emily:''' Yep.

'''Bob:''' You are, huh? What is the drive...4-hour, 5-hour drive?

'''Emily:''' About 5-hour drive.

'''Bob:''' I'm a little too old for that.

'''Emily:''' [short laugh]

'''Chris:''' Yeah, especially since I was young[unintelligible] the 8-hour round trip total drive.

{{anchor|Cleveland}}
'''Bob:''' He-he drove to Cleveland and back on the same day.

'''Emily:''' I...vaguely heard about that. What-what happened?

'''Bob:''' He got stupid and drove up there to try to meet somebody and they weren't there. He took off and we didn't even know about it.

'''Chris:''' No, I left them a note.

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Bob:''' But, uh, he got up there and got back, same day. I can't imagine driving...I can't even fly to Cleveland and fly back in the same day.

'''Emily:''' [laughs] Di-did you have a good drive at least? Was it...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' ...relaxing a little bit?

'''Chris:''' Yeah [inaudible]

'''Bob:''' Well, if you went-he went up from here over to pick up the Interstate 81, and he went up and picked up the Pennsylvania Turnpike...

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' ...and he went up and picked up the Ohio Turnpike... and locked himself out of his car.

'''Chris:''' Uh...

'''Emily:''' How did you lock yourself out of your car?

'''Chris:''' I [inaudible] my keys in there at the t-toll booth.

'''Emily:''' Oh? How did you get them out? You had to call like the locksmith or something?

'''Chris:''' Uh, fortunately, uh, one of the uh, people at-people over at that toll booth had AAA.

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK. So they were able to help you out.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] mother [inaudible] cross the street [inaudible] here he is at the Ohio state line.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' W-we didn't sleep very well that day.

'''Emily:''' I can imagine.

'''Bob:''' Finally he got home, about 3 o'clock in the morning, and he left at, what...

'''Chris:''' 5:30.

'''Bob:''' 6 o-6 o'clock in the morning?

'''Chris:''' 5:30.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] find anybody till we came back.

'''Chris:''' Well, at least I didn't get killed.

'''Emily:''' Yeah. I think I [inaudible].

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] We were worried about that.

'''Emily:''' Hm-

'''Chris:''' I had money for gas and food.

'''Bob:''' He's never driven over 50 miles out of town before.

'''Chris:''' Well that was an adventure for me.

'''Emily:''' [laughs] Bet that was an experience.

'''Chris:''' Yep. But I had my [[PSP]] with me to play uh, music on the trip. I had a novel with uh, long driving. Recently [unintelligible] paradise.

'''Bob:''' Fortunately, he was checking in with us on his cell phone, every once in a while so we could [inaudible] money...

'''Emily:''' Oh, so you knew he was going to O-Ohio.

'''Bob:''' He left us a note.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' ...detailed note.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' With maps and everything.

'''Chris:''' A copy of the map...

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' ...I got from Mapquest.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] he left [inaudible] when he left home he had about 10 dollars in his pocket.

'''Chris:''' No, I had-I had 40.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' I had 40 dollars. I had 40 dollars plus 10 dollars in my pocket. 40 dollars came from my birthday money.

'''Bob:''' That wouldn't even-that wouldn't even take care of the toll [inaudible] turnpike.

'''Chris:''' I didn't expect that toll to be 11 dollars.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Really? 11 dollars for a toll booth?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Th-th-they give you a card at one checkpoint, then when you get to the next checkpoint, depending on the distance-depending on uh, how far it was from that checkpoint...

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Chris:''' ...from one tollbooth to the next.

'''Bob:''' Wherever you get off, then you gotta pay.

'''Emily:''' Oh, OK.

'''Bob:''' You'd never been-never been on a toll road before.

'''Chris:''' [unintelligible]

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [unintelligible] for a toll booth with about a dollar. [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Well you can get on and fill it out, and drive all the way to the Ohio line.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Pittsburgh. I guess they charge you 20-25 dollars for that.

'''Emily:''' Dang.

'''Bob:''' But he got on in the middle, in a place called Breezewood.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' You've probably heard of Breezewood. It's up there... just-just northeast of uh, West Virginia.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' And, uh, yeah and you go to Breezewood and hang a left. I thought he-I thought he was up here in the valley.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' Couple hundred miles away and then he was at the Ohio state line.

'''Emily:''' [short laugh]

'''Bob:''' That was some day for us. We were a little worried. Then he-then he started back. We were led to believe that he was about 300-about 200 miles away.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' Turns out he was just outside of Ohio, Cleveland, when he called.

'''Emily:''' At least you were able to get back safely.

'''Chris:''' Yep.

'''Bob:''' I don't know how he did it. 3 o'clock in the morning, I'd have been numb. I wouldn't have been able to.

'''Chris:''' [laughs]

'''Emily:''' [inaudible] at night.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well I got bet-I got better eyesight than he does.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] mine keeps going downhill [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Thing called old age and glaucoma.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, plus consi-plus considering [[video games]]...training, a lot of video game time I've logged in over my lifetime.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' And uh, see going through the many types of, like, games, playing racing, and RPG...

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' ...and all, and the adventures and all that...

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' But it's like, it's only helpful when you have the directions from Mapquest, and uh, you can uh, find a world map of the uh, east-of the we-of the eastern coast of the United States.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' Which is really Virginia. And uh, Ohio in the road I was- the route I was taking, it was directed from that

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Which I highlighted with a blue marker.

'''Bob:''' I have to admit, I did something just about as dumb when I was a kid.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Oh, you did something dumb?

'''Bob:''' Yeah I did. Well, I'd already been to Korea and back. When I was in Korea, like I said, before the Korean War.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And I'd always spent my time with the army, well I was in school.

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Bob:''' And I had a friend that was in Auburn, down in Alabama, way down there, you know.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' And um, I had a friend [inaudible]...

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Bob:''' ...in the Army. So, Christmas break, Christmas time, right. I didn't have anywhere to go. I decided to hitchhike.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Yeah. While I was in the Army, I spent nine months in New York anyway.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] Fort [???] [inaudible] and I'd gone up to New York City every weekend. But, for about nine months, well I knew the place like the back of my hand.

'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm.

'''Chris:''' No wonder I was risky enough to take a- I was adventurous enough to take such a trip.

'''Bob:''' Uh-

'''Chris:''' I'd been hanging around in hi- inside him while he was taking that trip!

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Yeah, so dumb me, I thought I could hitchhike to-to New Jersey...now this was like the middle of December.

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Warm in Alabama but not in New Jersey.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' I got there, and then I had to stay a couple weeks-

'''Chris:''' [interrupting] And by the way you know

'''Bob:''' -then I ran out of money-

'''Chris:''' You know that-

'''Bob:''' -and then I had to try to-

'''Chris:''' [inaudible]

'''Bob:''' -find-to fi-to get back to my way home.

'''Chris:''' Just to let you know, uh, went up to Cleveland, [inaudible] kind of like, uh, run down. I thought, Jersey probably looks better.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' By comparison.

'''Bob:''' I've done dumb things too.

'''Chris:''' [inaudible]

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' There you go.

'''Chris:''' He went to a bad town...he went to a bad slummy town called Jersey, I went to a bad slummy town called Cleveland.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Bob:''' Well I've been to Cleveland too, I know Cleveland well.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Chris:''' I me-I me-I mean he took the stupid long trip to Jersey, I took the stupid long trip to see Cleveland.

'''Bob:''' And I was hitchhiking and you were in the car. It was different. It used to be safe to walk.

'''Emily:''' Oh.

'''Bob:''' And you can't even hitchhike places today.

'''Emily:''' Nowadays you can't do that.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible]

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' [inaudible] down the road.

'''Emily:''' Yeah [unintelligible] [laughs]

'''Bob:''' [laughs]

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Bob:''' Well, I'll see you later. You have a good trip.

'''Chris:''' Alright.

'''Emily:''' Alright.

'''Bob:''' Don't go to sleep. If you get sleepy, pull over.

'''Emily:''' OK, don't worry, I will.

===A walk to remember (01:14:23 - 01:21:43)===

Chris and Emily awkwardly leave Bob who continues to ramble as they clomp off through the mall.

'''Bob:''' Take care.

'''Chris:''' Alright come on, Emily, let's, let's walk…

Bob babbles on about sending something.

'''Emily:'''Okay... okay, you can show me around the mall…

'''Chris:''' Okay! Here's our… heights… You… you come to just about my uh, eyeline.

'''Emily:''' [nervous tittering]

They walk quietly for a moment as Chris mutters something quietly.

'''Chris:''' [sigh] So where you li… where do you usually like to go shopping at when you're at a shopping center?

'''Emily:''' [impatiently] Clothes stores.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, they have a number of clothing stores in, uh...

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' … a J.C. Penney and a Sears, among other places that uh, more name brands…

'''Emily:''' Yeah a lot of the stores here are, if you take a look, take a look at the prices and they're pretty expensive.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... Yeah... but, you know, they used to ha- they used to have a Kay-Bee Toys here and I- that's where I got my- turns out- my thousand dollar shopping spree I won around the… around the Adventures- the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog…

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh.

'''Chris:''' That sweepstakes, you might remember I put something about that…

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' … you might remember that, uh, news clip…

'''Emily:''' Yeah! I've seen-I've seen it.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

Chris nervously takes a few steps.

'''Chris:''' Wow... you're like… I'm sorry.

'''Emily:''' [nervous laughter]

'''Chris:''' I'm just kinda fascinated like… you're just like…just like a character from PGSM or somebody else came all the way from Japan- just leapt out of my television!

'''Emily:''' [nervous laughter] No I'm definitely all American.

'''Chris:''' You're all American.

'''Emily:''' I'm all American.

'''Chris:''' Okay- so it's just- it's just your eyes that are deshe- [[Chris and English|decepting]].

'''Emily:''' [shameless subject change] Yeah... so what's your favorite store here?

'''Chris:''' Yeah it's, it's- currently, since they took away the toy store- uh- either- I think it's- I would say it's mostly Gamestop, but I also go to the bookstore or Sears, or even the Spencer's that's down on the other side of the mall. And they used to have an FYE here, which was a Suncoast before- before it- before they all merged and became an FYE, but then they closed that to make the next business here.

'''Emily:''' What's down the other way… cause I've been… I came down this way, but I haven't been down that way.

'''Chris:''' Okay, we'll go down that way! Alright. I hope- Hope you don't mind me sticking around your left side…

'''Emily:''' [bravely] Oh that's [laughs] Okay, that's fine!

'''Chris:''' [chuckles] I mean, I guess I should keep my hands to myself and behave, right?

'''Emily:''' Yeah, you should probably do that.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I'm just trying to be friendly.

'''Emily:''' [nervous laughter]

'''Chris:''' But, you know, not- but you know- respectful- touch you gently on the shoulder or the back-

'''Emily:''' [vomitously] Yeah…

'''Chris:''' I mean at least I'm not that guy from Inuyasha that… [chucklingly] always tries to go for the bum.

'''Emily:''' [vomitously] Yeah…

'''Chris:''' Heh-heh, that's funny. Always get slapped in the face, he does.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' I forget his name, I think it's Mamoru, or something like that.

'''Emily:''' Uh... it's Miroku.

'''Chris:''' [talking over her] Do you watch Inuyasha? Yeah, Miroku, that was it, you hi- you actually hit it on the head right there…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

[Emily awkwardly walks several steps.]

'''Emily:''' [delaying] Is that the… food court there?

'''Chris:''' Yeah that's basically the food court.

'''Emily:''' OK...

'''Chris:''' Yeah it use- it used to have McDonald's here-

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' … soooo many years ago across from the Gamestop there, back when it was called Babbages…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' And then between them and Suncoast was FunCo Land and Software Etc. and they all merged into a Ga- they all merged into Gamestop.

'''Emily:''' Oh... never heard about that…

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I'm sh- I'm sh- I'm sure you must've at least noticed those game stores back in your youth-

'''Emily:''' Yeah... I play video games sometimes, but not very often…

'''Salesman:''' HELLO WOULD YOU LIKE HARAAGARALABHGH.

'''Emily:''' Oh, no thank you!

'''Chris:''' No thank you! Yeah... right over- see- where that Pacsun, that's where PacSun used to be, where [[Anna McLerran]]-

'''Emily:''' Oh yeah... I've… I've heard of her as well…

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Emily:''' Is she still around?

'''Chris:''' No she, uh- moved to uh, Utah.

'''Emily:''' Utah…

'''Chris:''' She's a Mormon. Found that out after I met her. But we cam- but we- but we could became good friends and I gave her, uh, you know, gave her a going away/birthday party before she left for Utah…

'''Emily:''' Uh-huh!

'''Chris:''' For her 20th birthday… and actually her- actual- and actually her friends, uh, her friends and I got together and put together the party. [emphatically] I k- I bought the cake.

'''Emily:''' Oh, that's nice of you… and… there was also Megan. Do you still keep in contact with her?

'''Chris:''' Yeah uh... no, not-no-n-n-not-been-touch with her for a long time.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' That's cause she moved to another state.

'''Emily:''' Oh... did she move to Utah too?

'''Chris:''' Uh, no, I don't think she moved to Utah, I don't even remember where she moved to.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' But you know, sometimes, I, uh, I dream I'm back in uh, Manchester High, you know, I get to see all my- all my old s- c- all my old friends… there.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Sometimes I even see Megan and John in there… John's her brother…

'''Emily:''' Oh ok...

'''Chris:''' Can you believe that, attending Manchester High like I was back then,

'''Emily:''' [small laughter]

'''Chris:''' … but yet they never went- they never been- they never been to Manchester High, neither of them. Isn't that… kinda funny?

'''Emily:''' [slightly sarcastically] Yeah... that is kinda funny!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... FYE was over there…

'''Emily:''' Oh... I guess it's becoming a LensCrafters?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I guess… anyway here's the Spencer's.

'''Emily:''' Oh...

'''Chris:''' If you like looking at the, uh, naughty stuff-

'''Emily:''' [quickly] No, I'm not into that.

'''Chris:''' Not yet anyway! [laughs]

'''Emily:''' [nervous laughter]

'''Chris:''' Ah, but you might. But it's mostly humorous, anyway.

'''Emily:''' Yeah... well... doesn't look like there's anything down here…

'''Chris:''' Yeah... not much… not much to look at around here… the toy stores around here are down here…

'''Emily:''' Oh... well I gotta get going soon, it's gonna be a long drive!

'''Chris:''' Long drive…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Well I hope, uh, you at least, uh, keep the memories, uh , we've shared…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Yeah I'll walk you to your car, if you want…

'''Emily:''' No, I'll probably have to go to the bathroom first… it's that time of the month…

'''Chris:''' Oh.

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, when you're on your, uh, period…

'''Emily:''' Yeah... [nervous laughter]

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, aside from the, uh, first time, uh, meeting, this first meeting, uh, how do you feel about me? In general…

'''Emily:''' You're a really nice guy!

'''Chris:''' Thank you…

'''Emily:''' I don't know why like, people pick on you and all that…

'''Chris:''' Yeah, they should get to know me in person…

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Chris:''' I mean I'm a gentleman, I behave… behave…

'''Emily:''' [steering the beast] Have you been into any of these stores over here?

===Meet the Pickle (01:21:44 - 01:25:29)===

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] pick you up right here? Yeah, so, um, you wouldn't want to go see ''Watchmen'', would you?

'''Chris:''' Uh... no.

'''Emily:''' I haven't seen that movie.

'''Chris:''' [shocked] Uh... any particular reason why you're dressed up like that?

'''Pickle Man:''' Not in particular.

'''Chris:''' Come on, Emily.

'''Emily:''' What?

'''Pickle Man:''' Hey, hey, maybe the lady wants to go with me. Huh, ya want to go see ''Watchmen''? Lots of, uh...

'''Emily:''' [gloating] Why, what's wrong?

'''Chris:''' The man in the [[pickle]] suit… a- it's apparent this guy's amongst the… [[trolls]].

'''Pickle Man:''' You think…

'''Emily:''' What's a tro…

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Passerby:''' Who are you?

'''Passerby:''' Sir… sir, what are you?

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm a pickle.

'''Passerby:''' You're a pickle! I love pickles.

'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? Pickles are pretty cool.

'''Passerby:''' And who are you advertising with?

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm not really advertising.

'''Passerby:''' You're just dressed for fun?

'''Pickle Man:''' Just bored.

'''Chris:''' Dressed as a pickle to HAUNT ME.

'''Pickle Man:''' Excuse me? I don't even know you.

'''Passerby:''' You're just bored?

'''Pickle Man:''' Yep!

'''Chris:''' [questioningly] You don't even know me… are you sure… have you-do you have [[Internet]] access?

'''Pickle Man:''' Lots of people have Internet access.

'''Chris:''' Do you know Sonichu and Rosechu?

'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not.

'''Chris:''' Do you know about [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]?

'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. [turning to Emily] Want to go see ''Watchmen''?

'''Chris:''' [stress sighs] No, no, no, she's with-

'''Emily:''' Alright!

'''Chris:''' … she's h- she's headed over to- she's heading back to her home town.

'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, ''Watchmen'' would be pretty cool.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, it would be pretty cool!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, alright, uh...

'''Emily:''' Let's go see it!

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay, cool.

'''Emily:''' Yeah?

'''Pickle Man:''' [to Emily as they turn to leave together] You've probably seen ''Watchmen'' [he refers to the novel], haven't you?

'''Chris:''' [answering the question meant for Emily as he is clearly left behind] I've heard of ''Watchmen''…

'''Pickle Man:''' [laughs at Chris]

'''Emily:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' [inaudible, but clearly saying something to the effect that he doesn't like the Pickle Man]

'''Emily:''' [gloating] What's wrong with him?

'''Pickle Man:''' SOMETHING. You like pickles?

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I do not like pickles.

'''Pickle Man:''' No pickles?

'''Chris:''' And also particularly a guy in a pickle suit who tricked me on the Internet pretending that he was [[Blanca]]!

'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him!

'''Pickle Man:''' Who's Blanca?

'''Chris:''' [stress sighs/grunts]

'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! See, he's a nice guy.

'''Chris:''' Well, alright. [small voiced, stressed as he moves closer to Emily]

'''Pickle Man:''' I-I think you're making the lady a little-uncomfortable there, Chris.

'''Chris:''' [stress sighs] I'm sorry, Emily.

'''Emily:''' It's ok... I think I have… to go to the bathroom now…

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Yeah, go change my tampon.

'''Chris:''' Oh boy. [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' [inaudible] … but I guess I do now.

'''Emily:''' [attempting to brush him off] OK, well it was nice meeting you… maybe we'll talk online or something.

'''Chris:''' Yeah well… I kinda… [inaudible]

'''Pickle Man:''' [as they continue trying to walk away] Well, we're going to go now.

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah well…

'''Emily:''' I'm going to the bathroom.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, either of- [to Pickle Man] you're not going where she's going…

'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, we're- we're leaving together.

'''Chris:''' Are you with her?

'''Pickle Man:''' Now we are. We're going to go see ''Watchmen''.

'''Chris:''' No! N- no! She's going b- you gotta go back to West Virginia, don't you.

'''Pickle Man:''' We're going to go see ''Watchmen'' first.

'''Emily:''' I'm kinda- just- gonna- ''Watchmen'' is not that long of a movie.

'''Chris:''' [suddenly concerned for Emily] Yeah, but you got a five hour drive!

'''Emily:''' [dismissively] It'll be okay.

[footsteps]

'''Emily:''' Hmmm.

'''Pickle Man:''' Going this way?

'''Emily:''' Yeah, I gotta go to the bathroom. Tampon time.

[Pickle Man asks Chris a question]

'''Chris:''' Uhhhhhh... no.

[The Pickle Man and Chris indistinctly carry on a short dialogue. The Pickle Man seems to be asking Chris why he is following along, and Chris replies.]

'''Chris:''' I'm just staying close to my friends

'''Emily:''' Alright, see ya!

===Hiding out in the bathroom (01:25:29 - 01:29:34)===

[There is a long pause as Emily hides from Chris in the bathroom.]

'''Passerby:''' [inaudible]...very fashionable looking.

'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you!

'''Passerby:''' The mall should pay you for walking around.

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

[Another long pause as Emily finally leaves the bathroom.]

===A precious farewell (01:29:35 - 01:31:10)===

'''Pickle Man:''' So, you ready to go?

'''Emily:''' Yeah, my car's that way.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, her car's… Your car's [inaudible] didn't you?

'''Emily:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, so did I.

'''Emily:''' Oh, you did?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Emily:''' Which Belk?

'''Chris:''' Tha- that way.

'''Emily:''' Oh... I'm over there.

'''Chris:''' Oh. [continues walking alongside Pickle Man and Emily]

'''Emily:''' Chris… you don't need to walk me to my car.

'''Chris:''' Okaaay.

'''Emily:''' This is… Alright.

'''Chris:''' So, you have yourself a safe trip back to uhh... West Virginia.

'''Emily:''' Oh... [feigning cheerfulness] okay! I might call you on Skype later.

'''Chris:''' Okay, you take care.

'''Emily:''' You too.

'''Chris:''' Hey… [attempts to hug and kiss Emily]

'''Emily:''' [tries to avoid Chris] No… no… no thank you! [nervous laughter] No thank you.

'''Chris:''' [gives up] Okay.

'''Emily:''' Alright, see you.

'''Chris:''' Alright, well you take care, be safe.

'''Emily:''' Alright, you too.

[8 seconds pass as Pickle Man and Emily walk away from Chris.]

'''Chris:''' [yelling from a distance] HE KNOWS CLYDE CASH!

[There is laughter from Pickle Man and Emily.]

'''Emily:''' [laughing] Mission accomplished!

'''Pickle Man:''' Is he gone yet?

'''Emily:''' I don't know, let me look behind.

'''Pickle Man:''' Oh no he's leaving... I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry. I'm so sorry.

'''Emily:''' That's okay! [inaudible] worse than me…

'''Pickle Man:''' I'm so sorry.

'''Emily:''' That's okay.

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible]

'''Emily:''' Yeah...

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay... [inaudible] man in the pickle suit?

'''Emily:''' [laughs]

'''Pickle Man:''' [laughingly says something about Clyde Cash]

'''Emily:''' [laughs] Wait there… there's Frosty.

'''Pickle Man:''' What?

'''Emily:''' Looks like he's gone now. I'm gonna go tell him what happened.

'''Pickle Man:''' Okay.

'''Emily:''' [presumably walking to see Frosty] Yes! Still recording!

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?hgz03i1wj4n The date audio]

[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Trolling]]

Chris and the law

2011-01-08T08:42:44Z

LeelooDallasMultipass:

[[Image:116-CWCCop.jpg|thumb|Chris aways keeps an eye out for criminal scum who would dare steal [[Sonichu]].]]

'''Laws''' are rules set up to help protect citizens. They are usually enforced by [[Jerkops|the law enforcement]] of that area and penalties are placed on those who don't follow the laws.

For [[Chris]], however, these just serve as another deterrent in his quest for [[china]].

==Understanding==
{{quote|I have been giving him reasons since the police came in June of [[2008]], and nothing has sunken into that [[Hello, Juffalo|clown head]] of his.|[[Michael Snyder]]}}

[[Image:Impliedshooting.jpg|thumb|left|Chris implying guns are the answer.]]

Like his grip on [[Chris and reality|reality]], Chris's understanding of the law is uneasy at best. He regularly threatens trolls with legal action, and makes no distinction in severity between a troll threatening violence against Chris and a troll uploading a harmless picture of [[Rosechu]] with a [[pickle]] to the internet. As a matter of fact, Chris himself is prone to making [[I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD|extremely violent threats]], such as threatening to murder [[Vivian]] and her entire family because of the [[audiobooks]]. He's done everything from calling the police to convincing his father to write to then-[[George W. Bush|President Bush]] in an attempt to get rid of his [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page. He has even attempted (poorly) to impersonate the President in a hilarious attempt to convince the trolls at ED to take down his page.<ref>http://encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php?title=Chris-chan&diff=prev&oldid=1997405266</ref> He's even attempted to contact current [[Barack Obama|President Obama]] to stop people from posting gay ads! Chris also believes that the laws in [[CWCville]] and the laws stated in [[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!|Mailbag 55]] should be enforced ''in real life.''

Chris himself doesn't have much respect for laws and rules, at least when [[Chris and hypocrisy|their enforcement inconveniences him]]. During his time at [[Get-Tar Region|Target]] he didn't see anything wrong with exploiting the free refill policy and loitering for hours at a time in a privately-owned establishment while harassing female customers and apparently [[Attraction Sign|soliciting sex]]. Chris feels that his [[Virgin with Rage|emotional state]] entirely justifies his actions at times, stating in [[Vivitheg's AIM chat]] that he should be excused for disturbing the peace by literally shouting "[[Sonichu 1#Sub-Episode 2: Christian Chandler in "The Rise & Fall of My Heart"|NOOOOOOO!]]" loudly in the middle of a crowded mall.

Self-contradictory to a fault, though, Chris is happy to meticulously follow some laws while ignoring others at the same time. In [[Sonichu Special 4]], his cartoon avatar makes a point of obeying the exact speed limit... while on his way to confront [[CChanSonichuCWC]] and commit assault with a deadly weapon upon him. Any intelligent and decent person could tell you which of these laws is more important, but Chris is neither intelligent nor decent. In [[05142010|a May 2010 video]], Chris states that a man deserves twenty years in prison for brutally beating his girlfriend to death with his bare hands, which is just twice the penalty he wants for smoking.

In addition, Chris has very little respect for [[Jerkops|those who enforce the law]]:

{{quote|Verbal Combat had started, and during the fight, I ran off, still giving verbal punishment, as well as da finger, and many “[[Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha]]s.” I nearly backed up onto him with my car, and I gave him another finger. Then I dashed off. |Excerpt from Chris's [[CWC's Diary|diary]]}}

The above quote pretty much defines Chris's attitude towards law enforcement officials. He feels that it is completely appropriate to flip off, insult, and lie to people who are simply doing their jobs. And, of course, as any rational person (i.e., anyone who's not Chris) would understand, running away from law enforcement officials is a seriously bad idea. Chris is truly a rebel without a cause or effect.

The [[Jackie e-mails Part 2#Chris_lies_about_The_Game_Place|correspondence with Jackie]] revealed that in the trial on the Target incident, Chris thought that his work with the [[The_GAMe_PLACe#Chris_the_TCG_gamer|Pokémon TCG League]] let him off the hook. In reality, the court probably acquitted him either on a technicality or insufficient evidence. Chris probably mentioned the volunteer work because he believed a person's merits, no matter how unrelated, would automatically make one innocent of all charges. It is also telling that he recounted the charge as "Soliciting", whereas the actual charge was "Disorderly Conduct"; he feels that he was only persecuted because of his [[Love Quest]] efforts, and not because he was tard raging.

==Law troubles==
On 11 September [[2004]], Chris was detained at [[Charlottesville Fashion Square]] for loitering, and continually arguing with the staff over a number of months. The incident is depicted in [[Sub-Episode 1]]. Chris was banned from returning to the mall on his own and without his parents' company. However, it appears that this ban was lifted or ignored soon afterward.

On 20 July [[2005]], Chris was charged with disorderly conduct and trespassing at Target,<ref name="Criminal Searches">[http://www.criminalsearches.com/details.aspx?id=w1x00xC8&vw=criminal&1=Wpem9DAEtHH%2fFwSXuzfStJ2LvpHgv1YXUU3kPiyr3%2fQ%3d&input=name CriminalSearches.com], which has the Virginia Administrative Office of the Courts as their source</ref> as depicted in [[Sub-Episode 7]] and [[Sub-Episode 8]]. After two hearings,<ref name="Criminal Searches" /><ref>[[MySpace#Lindsay]]</ref> prosecutors chose to drop the case and Chris was not punished.

Five days later, Chris caused an auto accident when he followed another car too closely and rear-ended it. This went to court on 12 September 2005.<ref name="Criminal Searches" /> He was fined $30 and had to pay $56 in court costs.

Chris's various run-ins at [[The GAMe PLACe]] have resulted in the cops being called on him a couple times. At least once after Chris called in his parents after he was initially banned from the location and tried to weasel his way back in, and again when he [[Michael Snyder is ColdHearted and Mean|trespassed on the property]], though he wasn't charged with anything on either occasion.

On 4 [[June 2010]], Chris made yet another pilgrimage to The GAMe PLACe. Chris was armed with his camera, and while Mike was concerned that Chris wanted pictures of his daughter for [[Mass Debating|disturbing reasons]], Chris maintains that he merely wanted a picture of Mike [[Death threats|for use as a dartboard]]. Still disturbing, but in entirely different ways. Chris was caught in the parking lot despite trying to run away, and was questioned by the police, who made him delete the pictures he had taken, and basically told him to quit his shit. Chris made his [[6 June 2010]] video in response to these events.

==Chris's parents and law==

It's not hard to figure out why Chris thinks the law should serve him and him alone. His parents, too, have the same problem.

* When Chris was thrown out of the [[Wikipedia:Cub Scouting (Boy Scouts of America)|Cub Scouts]] after an [[autism|unknown incident]], his parents attempted to sue the [[Wikipedia:Boy Scouts of America|Boy Scouts of America]] for [[Kick the autistic|discrimination]].<ref>[[Mailbag 18]]</ref>
* When Chris threw a tantrum that required him to be restrained, Bob attempted to sue the school.
* When [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] took a picture of Chris and uploaded it to the Internet, Chris's parents threatened them with legal action (but never followed through).
* When [[Snorlax]] thought she had indigestion (actually [[Wikipedia:colitis|colitis]]), she acted like she was going to sue the Chinese place the food came from. When the doctor actually explained what happened, she dropped the subject.
* Chris inherited his love of running from problems - when his parents had their absurd case against Greene County used against them, their first reaction was to run to another county.
* When [[Asperchu|Alec]] called the Chandler household posing as [[Game Place]] employee Matthew Nobel, they claimed that taking pictures of somebody without their knowledge or consent was "Not illegal." It is ironic, given that they threatened to sue Mimms and Lucas for exactly the same thing.
* During that same call, Bob seems to completely disregard the concept that an individual can be barred from private property, saying, "it's a business place," as though that has any more bearing on the law and how it affects his son than, say, the color of the store's walls.

==Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws==
[[Image:AL cover.gif|thumb|Where Chris's ORIGINAL and OFFICIAL laws come from.]]
As he believes the police in real life are corrupt and sees them in the same light as he sees the [[jerkop]]s in his comic, Chris has his own spin on the law. The penalties for [[Alcohol|drinking]], [[Tobacky|smoking]] and [[troll|internet harassment]] involve physical violence including a "Kick in the Teeth" which Chris portrays as a punch in [[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008|the only one]] of his supposed series of Q&A videos.

On [[December 2009|New Year's Eve, 2009]], Chris presented a nice babble about a law he wants made to prevent [[Jack Thaddeus]] from using adspace he paid for.

{{quote|I Have The Instinct, and I Have Already [[CWC-ism|Snail-Mailed]] President Barack Obama on how this sort of bad advertisement is going on and how it is Wrong and should be made Illegal. On HOW if the Main Captain does not WANT or IS OFFENDED with the listed Ads within his own Website or Works, REGARDLESS of who controls the AdSpace, WOULD REMOVE THOSE ADS or face JAILTIME. And the F.B.I. would be FULLY INVOLVED in all this, and THEY have the Power, Tools and Balls to seek, hunt down and bring in the Individual Internet Trolls and Ad-Spammers.|Chris, [[Chris and his Ego|Thinking he's important]]}}

Yes, you heard it right. Chris wants to ask the President of the United States to make [[Chris and Reality|advertisements he doesn't like illegal.]] From a practical standpoint, CWCipedia is the only wiki that has a "Main Captain." This "Main Captain" does literally nothing to run or maintain the site at all. Furthermore, if someone paid for adspace, the host that received the money must allow the purchasing party to use said adspace for the allotted time, no matter what they advertise, or the host faces legal penalties. And last but not least, the President has better things to do than slap laws on wikis. It also escapes Chris's mind that the President doesn't make law. He would have had a better chance if he had mailed his congressman. He of course, will never bother.

This attitude is also reflected on his relationship with [[Mary Lee Walsh]]. [[2003|Years ago]], she interrupted Chris in what looked like [[Love Quest#Conflicts with Mary Lee Walsh|soliciting for sex]]. [[Curse-ye-ha-me-ha|Hilarity ensued]] and Chris received a well-deserved [[Autism papers|time-out]] for [[Chris and anger|his antics]]. Fast-forward in [[2009]] when Chris, [[One Blessing, and One Curse|out of the blue]], decides to make peace. He went to her office and left her a [[:File:Apology_to_Mary_Lee.jpg|"Framed Hand-Drawn Apology"]] on her doorsteps. Knowing Chris's attitude, she filled a trespassing notice. In pure stalker logic, Chris said that since he didn't read the letter and returned it to the sender, [[Mailbag 26#Mary Lee Walsh trolls IRL|he's not legally liable]].

[[Mailbag 55#Draconian fun!|Mailbag 55]] posits a few more original laws: one, that it should be illegal for men to ever show their bare chest (because, according to Chris, no one in the entire world ever wants to see a man's bare chest, no matter what shape he's in). He also wants to force all women in any kind of relationship to wear rings, thus defeating all symbolism and significance of them.

Due to Chris being forced away from the Internet, Chris has begun to formulate a new law, the "Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing," starting with his second [[Flipnote Hatena|Flipnote]], [[Don'tGetTrolled!]]. What this entails is unknown, but by the sounds if it, he wishes for a law where no one can ever speak up against anyone in a negative tone, thus allowing Chris to continue to have his e-peen stroked while the trolls can't touch him. While there have been laws that punish those that lead to others being harmed via the Internet, the Bill for Anti Online Bad-Mouthing is one of the ridiculous ideas ever, as it leads to a complete and utter smashing of the Bill of Rights, specifically Freedom of Speech.

TL;DR: Chris ignores the law when it's inconvenient, yet expects it to save the day when the [[Autism]] card doesn't work.

==In the comic==

Chris's understanding of the law in his comics goes so far as to been seen as a mixture of childish tendencies and, some might say, authoritarianism. In [[CWCville]], Chris has banned a number of things in his city. Smoking or drinking alcohol would lead one to be either sentenced to ten years in prison or a much more lenient US$1,500 fine (although, as CWCville uses C-Quarters and W-Quarters for currency, it's not clear why fines are levied in US dollars).<ref>[[Chris Chan Q&A 27 October 2008]]</ref> However, it should be noted that Chris [[Rollin' and Trollin'|repealed the law]] in [[June 2009]].

Even stranger is the the fact that the city tends to lack other races or even other sub-cultures, beyond Chris, the [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]], a handful of (white) males and females, and the few Transformers in his town. This lack of diversity leads many to think that Chris has banned them as well. The Rosechus tend to fight for [[women's rights]], that is to say, the ability to strip naked whenever and wherever they want to, not to mention the fact that full legal rights for women are already established across the US, suggesting that Chris has imposed discriminating laws against women in CWCville.

Chris has been seen as a do-nothing Mayor, preferring to have [[Allison Amber|his secretary]] do all the work (as per his thoughts on women) while he goes off on another one of his sweetheart searches. He has mandated "[[Dating Education]]" classes for students so that they can learn to go on dates, as well as how to "stay straight."

[[List_of_Sonichu_characters#Constables_Gerald_Grant_and_Louis_Perez|Actual police officers]] did not appear until [[Sonichu 10|quite late]] and even then, they did nothing whatever, giving the impression that Chris and his Pokémon abominations are the only thing standing in between peace and eternal virgins with rage. However, [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]] seems to reveal that there are three sets of "other" protectors: a (possibly) nondescript police force (distinct from [[Mary Lee Walsh]]'s [[jerkops]]), as well as his own team of [[Power Rangers]] and a team of [[Transformers]].

{{quote|Is CWCville under Martial Law? |[[Jack Thaddeus]] citing the truth as he sees it}}

It gets even scarier. In a conversation that [[Jack Thaddeus Phone Call 3|Chris had with Jack Thaddeus]], he reveals that CWCville is the home of a paramilitary force equipped with tanks which he uses as a "Police Force", and all his Electric Hedgehog Pokémon enjoy immunity from prosecution and are above the law. If we add all this to the fact that there are no free elections in CWCville, this shows us the city in the hands of a dictator running it with an iron fist, and backed with super-powered goons who are free to do any atrocity with impunity. According to Chris, Magi-Chan mentally scans the city perimeters for any sexual acts, and reports any homosexual activity to the authorities. The participants are then [[Mailbag 31#Magi-Chan knows when you fuck|"tried and fined HEAVILY; $500 or 50 Hours of Community Service"]]. Apparently in CWCville, the [[Wikipedia:Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution]] does not apply in matters of personal sexual choice. This might put him at odds with [[Chris and sex#Pedophilia|his own sexual ideals...]]

In a strange [[Chris and hypocrisy|set of double standards]], Chris has been shown to injure, kill, or damage people and property ''outside of CWCVille''. [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]] has shown no less than three grievous acts upon others: the destruction of the 4-cent_garbage building, the murder of over one hundred alleged "trolls" in said destruction, breaking and entering, and destroying Internet files and property.

Following the death of [[Simonla]], the culprits (Alec, Mao, Sean and Evan) are subjected to a show trial, and given no defense attorney by the state (violating the [[Wikipedia:Sixth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Sixth Amendment]]) forcing Sean to act as their lawyer despite being high as a kite. There is no solid evidence presented for the murder charge, aside from the Voltorb remote (which the prosecutor never tried to prove belonged to them) and wholly unreliable "psychic evidence" extracted by Magi-Chan. When they're railroaded and found guilty, they're ''killed by the people they've wronged'' (read: murdered brutally by cartoon characters), in a gross violation of the [[Wikipedia:Eighth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Eighth Amendment]] forbidding cruel and unusual punishment.

Demonstrating Chris's limited understanding of trials (as his knowledge of trials stems purely from television), the kangaroo court integrates both elements of civil and criminal trials. The Asperpedia Four are not only prosecuted for murder by a [[Marvey Blaziken|state attorney]], as per a criminal trial, but also charged with defamation of character, libel, and copyright infringement (as well as several charges such as "profanity to the max" that would hold no water in an actual court) by Chris and his cohorts, as per a civil trial. Surely enough, Chris, Sonichu, and Rosechu are sitting in a bench marked "PLAINTIF" [''sic'']. That both civil and criminal charges are included in one trial not only demonstrates a poor understanding of the courtroom process, but is further proof that Chris considers "slanderous mockeries" and other torts on par with major crimes such as murder and assault. To add to the equation, one cannot be given a death sentence (or any sentence, for that matter) for being guilty in a civil trial, but in the Asperpedia Four trial civil charges are the primary reason for the death sentence. In summary, the CWCville court system is a constitutional nightmare that violates multiple articles and amendments, and has no concept of due process. One must wonder why it is allowed to exist within the borders of the United States.

tl;dr: Any semblance of law in CWCville exists solely to further the wishes of its tyrannical (and murderous) Mayor.

==See also==
*[[Parody]]
*[[Jerkop]]
*[[Manajerk]]

==Sauces==
<references />

{{Chris and}}

Chris and the industry

2011-01-08T08:40:56Z

LeelooDallasMultipass:

{{incomplete}}
{{quote|----When Do You Want Nintendo and SEGA to Talk to Me to EVOLVE Sonichu and Rosechu more Realistically?----
NOW!!!|Chris, [[An Important Update|demanding that multi-national corporations take orders from a nobody]]}}

Chris has had numerous '''aspirations to work in creative industries'''. So far, he has expressed his desire to make [[Sonichu (game)|several official ''Sonichu'' video games]], and work on a real [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'' comic]] for a real comic publisher. However, [[Chris and his Ego|for reasons best known to himself]], he elects not to find out how these industries actually work, which is quite strange; one would assume that a person seeking a career in the industries would at least take ''some'' effort to find out how the said industries work.

== Publishing ==

In ''[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]'' and [[Chris's resume|Chris's résumé]], it's revealed that Chris is under the impression that his [[art]] isn't just good, but professional quality, and that he aspires to get into the comics and video game business. The résumé reveals his widely varied skills with both pens and crayons and his desire to work as an artist for a professional comic company such as Archie Comics or Marvel, creating his ''Sonichu'' comics. There is no word on whether or not he actually submitted anything to these companies, or if they replied.

Unfortunately for Chris, the publishing industry doesn't work this way, especially not in case of "original" creations. In the case of an original work, the publishers expect complete works to be submitted to them, usually through an agent. An agent's job is to separate the [[Asperchu|wheat]] from the [[Sonichu (comic)|chaff]] and find the correct publisher for the work, taking a small percentage of the eventual profit for their reward. If the publishers take unsolicited submissions, they have to sift through a gigantic backlog (often called "slushpile") of submissions of highly varying quality, most of which end up rejected multiple times before there will be a publisher with right market in mind and the right publication schedule to allow the publication deal to go forward. The whole process can take years in case of a single work.

If comic book publishers have salaried artists, they usually need to have a portfolio of previous work, usually work that has already been published commercially, or (if the comic house is ''particularly'' lenient, and most big names aren't) there has to be evidence of a successfully self-published, high-quality comic. And even in this case, these artists usually only work on characters and plotlines that come from inside the house; it can take time before the artist is in any position to present their own ideas for comics, or use their own original characters. Even if he ''were'' able to stick in a company for a long time, he'd still need to improve his communication skills a lot. If the ''Sonichu Chronicles'' PowerPoint and various phone conversations are of any indication, he's unable to persuade his superiors that his ideas are worth working on.

In short, Chris is deluded if he thinks that any company will just pick him up and tell him to work on ''Sonichu'' comics.

Even ''if'' Chris does get in, there's also the problem with scheduling. Most comics are worked on far in advance, thus allowing for any changes concerning a book, such as plot problems, character availability changes or even cancellations. Even still, many of them maintain a certain schedule, either monthly or bi-monthly (sometimes quarterly). Very rarely do comics go bi-weekly (one every two weeks), though weekly series have been more common (DC Comics, for example, experimented with the weekly format in the [[1980s]] with ''Action Comics Weekly'', which bombed and put the title on hiatus for a few months, returning it to its normal ''[[Wikipedia:Action Comics|Action Comics]]'' title. Twenty years later, DC has churned out a number of weekly series, including ''[[Wikipedia:52 (comics)|52]]'', ''Countdown'' and ''[[Wikipedia:Trinity (comic book)|Trinity]]''.)

Chris, however, has no schedule. His schedule consists of "whenever he has the inspiration" to work. That doesn't cut it. If Chris went with that alone, he would have a release schedule that would rival that of infamous artist [[Wikipedia:Rob Liefeld|Rob Liefeld]]. And where Liefeld, for the most part, could get away with it because he owned his own company at one point (and people have gotten him to actually do the work), if Chris pulled this kind of stunt, he'd be out on the street so fast, his head would spin.

Chris's understanding of [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] is a chapter in itself. Publishers want primarily original works, because securing the necessary rights to publish derivative works is often difficult or impossible. Chris has even [[Mailbag 29#In which Chris is an asshole|resisted attempts to educate him]] in this regard.

== Fan fiction and ideas from the public ==
Chris could approach [[Sega]] and [[Nintendo]] and ask them to make ''Sonichu'' games, comics and merchandise. This plan would also be doomed to failure, because none of the media companies want unsolicited ideas from the public. There are several reasons for this.

First, it takes effort to sift through idea piles and they can't give equal amount of thought on the bazillion ideas fans send them. While the game companies ''do'' listen to their fans, they usually just want to know if the time is ripe for something they've been planning to do. (For example, no doubt a big part of the reason why the newer ''[[Wikipedia:Fire Emblem|Fire Emblem]]'' games got worldwide release was because the fans of Marth and Roy from ''Super Smash Bros. Melee'' were wondering aloud "why the hell isn't Nintendo releasing these games outside of Japan?") They most certainly don't have the capability of starting a whole new game project just because someone asks. If the game companies respond by saying Chris had, as he himself so [[Homemade Nintendo Power magazine|eloquently put]], "rocks in his head", then you probably don't get a slice of their precious time for making a second impression. Simply put, Chris thinks that even when the companies are busy with other projects, they still have time to think of ''his'' grandiose ideas ''and those things only''.

Second, there is an age-old problem in a litigious society: A fan writes to the company and says "I have this cool idea", the company says "thanks, but no thanks", one of the in-house writers comes up with exactly the same idea by accident, and boom, you have a fan who's suing you for idea theft, and even if that lawsuit will usually go nowhere, it wastes perfectly usable time, energy and most of all ''money'' that could be used for more fruitful ventures. A famous example is British novelist [[Wikipedia:Terry Pratchett|Terry Pratchett]], who used to post in his Usenet fan group until one of the fans was convinced Terry had stolen his ideas.

Therefore, most media houses will just say they will not take any ideas from the public. The game industry is not an exception. This fact has been pointed out to Chris a lot of times (and at least twice by real Nintendo representatives, as evidenced by the letters he has read in the Captain's Logs<ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate August 15th, 2008]]</ref><ref>[[Captain's Log, Stardate February 10th, 2009]]</ref>). Unfortunately, Chris misinterpreted all this.

Another thing that Chris disregards is the fact that writing games takes a lot of effort. In Thomas Edison's words, getting things done is "1% inspiration and 99% perspiration." Many good ideas don't get implemented. No one is going to invest energy in developing an idea alone if they don't know if the idea can be implemented. Game companies may be willing to negotiate a deal to use their properties (such as characters) in games developed by third parties, but those proposals are usually backed up by real companies, actual creative teams of developers, and serious, complete plans for games, if not outright working prototypes already. Even in the case the properties are tacked on the prototype later on, the prototypes are usually fully developed so that they can be used ''without'' those properties if the plans fall through. (Example: ''[[Wikipedia:Star Fox Adventures|Star Fox Adventures]]'' began as a game that was completely unrelated to Star Fox universe, but Nintendo felt the game was better with SF characters.)

Theoretically, it would be possible, though highly unlikely, for Sega and Nintendo to cooperate enough the make a game featuring a Sonic/Pikachu hybrid named Sonichu. They would not, however, need any input from Chris, or even his permission, to combine characters that ''they'' own. Think about it. Of course, the idea of releasing it cross-platform for ''Sony consoles'' remains yet another absurd and fevered dream on the part of Chris.

In the Sonichu Chronicles he gives [[Shigeru Miyamoto]] "permission" to use the cover to his [[hand-drawn Nintendo Power magazine|hand-drawn ''Nintendo Power'' magazine]] as the inevitable cover for when his game is created, even though it's several years old (and, in fact, even ''worse'' than Chris' current skill at art).

== Other publication channels ==

Chris hasn't even tried any self-publishing channels. The idea has only recently been addressed, with [[Clyde Cash]] posting Chris's comics on [[Wikipedia:Lulu (company)|Lulu.com]]. Chris so far has only responded by encouraging his [[fans]] not to buy them, and to simply wait for him to release the "real" versions later. According to [[Jackie e-mails Part 2]], Chris has been fixing up his pages to be published on lulu, taking an unreasonable amount of time to accomplish this amazingly simple task.

The thought of monetizing his web comic hasn't crossed his mind either. People have been annoying – nay, ''harassing'' him with advertising he didn't approve of, yet when he attempted to replace these offensive ads with ads of his own, he simply put some random advertisements on his webpage ''without actually signing any sort of advertisement contract'' — the ads didn't make him any money. There are several advertising programs that allow individual people to put ads on their personal pages and make money out of them; some of these programs are even specifically geared toward webcomic artists. Many web comics have a donation box where readers can donate money to the artist via PayPal or similar services.

It also took a while for Chris to come up with the idea of drawing on-camera, and even then, he hasn't demonstrated it too often.

== Schedule slip ==
Most webcomics have a set schedule: some update weekly, some many times a week, some daily. Some webcomics update whenever the hell the artists get inspired enough to draw a comic, and probably reserve a whole forum for people who whine about lack of updates. Most webcomic artists that update the comic three times a week consider that schedule very demanding, and webcomics that update daily usually generate revenue of some sort (ads, donations, print versions, merchandise, what-have-you), allowing the artists treat their comics like a full-day job. These are called self-sufficient webcomics. (Examples: ''Penny Arcade'', ''xkcd'', ''Questionable Content'')

Chris has thoroughly embraced the point of view that the comic shouldn't have a set schedule and inspiration doesn't have a deadline... while ''also'' promising us that the comic would be updated daily. On 14 [[November 2009]], Chris promised that the comic would be updated daily, and he managed to fulfill this promise for a while. By the end of [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], Chris was already placing author-substitutes in the story telling people to quit whining about the lack of updates. This is obviously not a question of punctuality, but [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocrisy]]; Chris would avoid a lot of drama if he just admitted that there's no set schedule whatsoever after all. If one ''does'' consider this a question of punctuality, it doesn't look too good.

Chris also tends to update in spurts in an attempt to make up for missed days; this can range anywhere from three to twenty pages at a time. Most professional webcartoonists have a buffer of guest comics so that they can avoid this sort of thing, but the thought of doing so has apparently never entered Chris's [[autistic]] mind.

== Sauces ==
<references/>

== See also ==
* [[Chris and copyright]]
* [[Chris's resume]]
* ''[[The Sonichu Chronicles]]'', Chris's not-very-creative-pitch-like PowerPoint presentation
* [[CWC Personal Sonichu Presentation]], in which Chris likewise fails to sell a project idea
* [[Sonichu (game)|''Sonichu'' (game)]]

{{Chris and}}

Chris and his ego

2011-01-08T08:29:24Z

LeelooDallasMultipass:

{{quote|Firstly, YOU WISH YOU WERE ME...|Chris, [[Mailbag 10#Rejected Mailbag|Mailbag 10 (Rejected)]]}}

{{quote|For every one that exalteth himself shall be humbled; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.|[[Chris and religion|Luke 14:11 (English Revised Version)]], really hitting the nail on the head}}

'''Egotism''', out of all of [[Chris]]'s flaws, is the most important and self-destructive. It is this egotism that may one day lead to someone playing [[Kick the Autistic]] in real life.

[[Image:SchuComic0P44.jpg|thumb|'''egotism''', (noun): the belief that your pain (getting kicked out of the [[Charlottesville Fashion Square|mall]] for being creepy) trumps all others (divorce and loss of beloved children)]]

==Origins==

Why is Chris such an egotist? In his sheltered childhood, his enabling parents taught him to shift blame for all of his troubles to other people. A sense of entitlement, again homegrown, skewed his perception of the proportionality between his problems and those of other people. Chris doesn't completely lack empathy; he isn't a sociopath, but the internal 'scale' by which he weighs the importance of himself against others tilts far in his favor. The problem was compounded by his [[autism]], making it difficult for him to understand social cues and relate normally to his peers. [[Chris_and_reality#Outside_of_the_comics|He grew up in a different world.]]

But that explains why Chris ''was'' an egotist, ''struggled with'' egotism, or ''has tendencies towards'' egotism. While Chris's childhood was less than ideal, it shouldn't have been quite so crippling. Time and experience should have helped temper his ego, but Chris's development appears to have completely stopped altogether. Chris is still an egotist because he lives in a social time capsule that has allowed him to carry on for the better part of a decade without a single life lesson. And he still lives in that time capsule because it is easy, it is comfortable, and people let him.

===The enablers===

[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|Exhibit A]]

{{quote|Drunk or not, they had me. At an old age where my mother was so close to menopause and my father was a senior citizen. I was truly a miracle.|Chris, [[Mumble 3]]}}
Chris's parents are enablers ''par excellence''. There is no earthly reason why (barring unrelated catastrophes) a man that is almost thirty years old and has autism should live at home with his parents, specially when his autism is as "high functioning" as Chris's activity and his documentation exemplify it to be. Adults with far more crippling mental health problems (from emotional disorders to mental retardation) live far more independently than Chris does, whether alone, alone with supervision, or in group homes.

For children like Chris, public school special education is generally geared toward helping the child understand how their disorder affects their lives, and what strategies they can use to minimize its impact. This is a well-documented and well-supported strategy, but it relies on "buy-in." Chris's parents clearly never bought into these strategies, because they never fostered any interest in instilling any form of independence in Chris, thus undermining the entire regimen of special education and ending up with a man-child with entitlement issues.

===Monthly tugboat===

{{Main|Chris and money}}

{{quote|My father helped me get my Social Security set up; I get more a month than I could at a job.|Chris, taking pride in being a lazy fuck.}}

Chris receives welfare from the government; a [[monthly tugboat|"monthly tugboat"]] as he calls it. Although intended for people who were unable to work, Chris continues to abuse the welfare system due to the fact that he is simply unwilling to work on anything except drawing [[Sonichu (comic)|his shitty comic]], [[Video games|playing video games]], and [[Love Quest|trying to find a girlfriend.]]

Regardless of whether Chris is abusing the welfare system, his parents are abusing it through him, or the system itself is flawed, the fact remains that the monthly tugboat that he receives is a major factor in making Chris's lifestyle—and thus his worldview—sustainable.

===Blind luck and the cherry picking fallacy===

[[Image:SlamAttack.jpg|thumb|Local Boy Levels Up]]
[[Image:391-SchuPVCCArticle.jpg|thumb|left|Article in PVCC's ''Forum'', proof that some people have too much time on their hands]]
[[Image:Famewhore.jpg|thumb|McIntire Park]]

A [[GameStop Be A Star Sweepstakes|contest]] or [[Sonic the Hedgehog Watch & Win Sweepstakes|two]] here; a [[Chris Chan in the PokéNews|two-second local TV blip]] there. The results are that outside events most people never experience have stroked Chris's already monstrous ego.

Consider that Chris has produced a ''huge'' volume of fanmail, letters-to-the-editor, [[Internet]] commentary, and other drivel. Each letter to [[Nintendo]] is a message in a bottle: most of them never return, but the one that does—on an official letterhead, and addressed to Mr. C. W. Chandler—is confirmation of his celebrity.<ref>[[An Official Sonichu Update]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Yeah...it says here that, uh, yeah...they—th—it goes on to say that:

:"Nintendo of America has some of the most devoted, enthusiastic fans of any game developer. Each week, they receive, uh, hundreds of thousands of suggestions about their games and systems. While they would love to, uh, use ideas from f—fa—from fans to develop actual products, due to the volume of the, uh, requests they receive and the resources it would take to process them, they do not accept unsolicited game or product ideas. But they are committed to being at the leading edge of game and hardware development, though, and they can be sure that they are constantly at work developing new and exciting products and game ideas."

Now, uh, here's the interesting part...where they quote about how I can actually...go further about ch—about them changing their minds and actually accepting the idea and helping me, uh, makin' it—makin' it totally real...with the video games and the TV animations and the action figures, and...officially-released—my personally-approved... medals... ''[...]'' they say that, uh, the best way to let other fans know about my idea or to generate hype about the future game I'd like to see is to post the ideas to the forums on their sites.}} 

The concept of form letters does not seem to occur to Chris, who seems to think the letter was written specifically for him. As if Chris didn't think his material was golden to begin with, he got a second nod from ''Nintendo Power'' for his epic [[Animal Crossing Documentary]], and a page in [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|PVCC]]'s ''Forum'' as icing on the cake. Even before his e-fame, Chris had plenty of evidence to convince himself that he ''was'' creative, and not just a high-volume, whiny jerk that had pestered his way to acknowledgment. As he graduated from PVCC in [[2006]], his writing shows that [[Sonichu]] was, in his mind, already tested: there was just some small threshold of notoriety or connections that needed to be breached, in order to become a true media sensation.

On top of that, Chris has a huge amount of free time to inject himself into situations like the [[McIntire Park]] meetings, which allows him to cherry-pick more moments of recognition. A tongue-in-cheek acknowledgment by the local council seems cute to us, but is serious business to him. And since Chris cherry-picks only the reinforcement that he wants, his legions of [[troll]]s just add to the fire. Delusion has led him to believe that he has a legion of fans; a few hundred emails in his inbox confirm it.

==Narcissistic personality disorder==

[[Image:Narcissus.jpg|thumb|TRUE and HONEST artist's depiction]]

It's entirely possible however, that Chris suffers from [[Wikipedia:Narcissistic personality disorder|Narcissistic personality disorder]], whose diagnosis criteria detail many of the characteristics that Chris exhibits.

{{quotebox|The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fourth edition, DSM IV-TR, a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines narcissistic personality disorder (in Axis II Cluster B) as:

A pervasive pattern of [[CWCville|grandiosity]] (in fantasy or behavior), [[True and Loyal Fanbase|need]] [[Love Quest|for]] [[Barbara|admiration]], and [[Autism|lack]] [[Chris and remorse|of]] [[Chris and death|empathy]], beginning by [[PVCC|early adulthood]] and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1.has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., [[Art|exaggerates]] [[Honor roll|achievements]] [[CADD|and]] [[Sonichu (comic)|talents]], expects to be recognized as superior without [[China|commensurate achievements]])

2.is preoccupied with fantasies of [[Sonichu|unlimited success]], [[CWCville|power]], [[Honor roll|brilliance]], [[Chris and fashion|beauty]], or [[Sweetheart from the ground up|ideal love]]

3. believes that he or she is [[Autistic|"special"]] and [[Aspergers (CWCipedia article)|unique]] and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or [[Shigeru Miyamoto|high-status people]] (or [[Chris and the industry|institutions]])

4. requires excessive [[Fanbase|admiration]]

5. has a sense of [[Barbara|entitlement]], i.e., unreasonable expectations of [[Hanky panky|especially]] [[Honor Roll|favorable]] treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

6. is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., [[Cole Smithey|takes advantage of others]] to achieve his or her [[Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown|own ends]]

7. [[Chris and death|lacks empathy]]: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the [[Megan|feelings and needs]] [[Wallflower|of others]]

8. is [[Adam Stackhouse|often envious of others]] or believes [[JERKS|others]] are [[Kick the Autistic|envious]] of him or her

9. shows [[Mailbag|arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes]]}}

As you can see, these criteria describe Chris, right down to the sense of entitlement. Then again, many of the symptoms described match a typical diagnosis of autism. He may have both.[http://samvak.tripod.com/journal72.html Further reading is required to confirm the difference.]

==Manifestations==

Chris's egotism manifests itself in many ways.

===Unwarranted self-importance===

[[Image:Apology to Mary Lee.jpg|thumb|Very gracious.]]
{{See also|True and Loyal Fanbase}}

{{quote|I have had way over a million fans worldwide since I went online in before [[2000]].|-Chris, [[Mailbag 48]]}}

As overwhelming as Chris's unwarranted self-importance is, it's easy for the novice [[troll|observer]] to get lost in the sea of [[Sonichu]] shit and assume that he's just confident in his e-fame. "Of course," you say, "he's got a billion hits on [[YouTube]] and a thousand emails in his mailbox. He's going to think he's hot shit, like every other retard on the [[DeviantArt|internet]]."

But nothing sums up Chris's deep and abiding USI like this missive to [[Mary Lee Walsh]]:<ref>[[Mary Lee Walsh#Emails with Mary|Emails with Mary]]</ref>

{{quotebox|Mary, I've slept on it, and [[Barbara|I have realized that note-hanging is not the way to get attention]]. And I don't really want to meet with either you nor Susan, no offense. I'll tell you what, let's forget the meeting, and if you will allow my newsletter to stay in distribution, I will do all of the following:

*I will never hang notes on the wall again.
*I'll consider stopping my Silent Treatment on Susan.
*I'll consider knocking you and Susan up my [[scale of Respect]] each by 2 points (0=No Respect...10=Respect).

Please reply via E-Mail.

Christian C.}}

E-fame just adds a whole new dimension. He was a misunderstood genius before; now he's a misunderstood genius with a [[personal army]]:

{{quote|III'M. WOR-KIN'. ON IT! LET ME DO THAT STUPID VIDEO SO I CAN TELL [[True and Loyal Fanbase|E'RRYBODY, IN MY COMMAND]], TO GET EVERYTHIN'- HELP ME GET EVERYTHIN' OFF THE INTERNET!|Chris, [[THAT IS MY HOUSE]]}}

It's so bad now that when Chris meets someone new who claims not to know who he is, he seems skeptical and surprised.<ref>Exchange with the [[Man in the Pickle Suit]], [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Meet the Pickle .2801:21:44 - 01:25:29.29|Emily Date Conversation Transcript]]</ref>

{{quote|Y'all should know me by now, but if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler, the original creator of Sonichu, the Electric Hedgehog Pokemon, back on March 17th, 2000.|Chris, in his [[CWC's Second Message|second YouTube video]]}}

The instant-gratification, instant-acknowledgment, and instant-attention—good or bad—that has come with his minor e-fame of the last few years has thoroughly convinced Chris that people ''do'' read everything he writes, and that his YouTube messages ''invariably'' get to his target audience.

He also describes himself as "managing the varsity team"<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_7/Page_22]</ref> in high school, when actually he was waterboy.

===Persecution complex===

[[Image:Issue4.jpg|thumb|Saint CWC the Martyr.]]

Chris has a lot of problems, and even the ones he "takes responsibility for" are still out of his hands. His [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|school]] was [[Kick the Autistic|mean to him]], he didn't deserve that [[Song of Christian|F in English]] or the one in [[CADD Chef|CADD]], ''and'' he doesn't deserve the 24/7 [[troll]]ing, among other things.

And if that wasn't enough, he thinks every authority figure in the land is conspiring against his [[Love Quest]]:

{{quote|Then in Mid-October, the Quote/Unquote "Dean of Student Services," Mary Lee Walsh, approached me and pulled my sign away from me and told me, "You're NOT ALLOWED TO FIND TRUE LOVE HERE." MY HEART WAS SHATTERED that very moment.|Chris, on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Enter_the_Wicked_Witch_of_the_Private_Villa_of_Corrupted_Citizens|Wikipedia userpage]]}}

It doesn't help that he's engaged in a quagmire of a war against the [[homo]] rumors that those DAMNED TROLLS keep spreading about him, with a second front versus the [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] violating [[Liquid Chris|thieves]].

{{quote|It's out of my control! I don't know where to go! I DUNNO KNOW WHERE TA GO!|Chris, THAT IS MY HOUSE}}

After the release of [[100 2178|May 8 video]] in which Chris blames the Greene County's school board for pretty much every misfortune in life (from being banned from [[The GAMe PLACe]], to [[Autism|being the social outcast we all know and hate]]) thereby cementing the notion that Chris will never take responsibility for his actions. The only time Chris had actually stepped up and admitted responsibility was the accidental formatting of his [[PS3]].

===Naïveté===

Chris's simple-mindedness and gullibility are legendary. The man is like the [[Wikipedia:Sith|Sith]]: he only deals in absolutes. Either you're with him or you're a [[troll]]. This has been very obvious in his answers to the [[Mailbag]], where he refuses to listen to any talk—even from professionals—about the similarities between [[Asperger Syndrome]] and [[autism]], denies that there are any shortcomings in his [[Sonichu (comic)|work]], and shrugs off any advice about how to improve his health or appearance, labeling anyone who suggests he has any kind of shortcoming a troll.

Chris equates [[honesty]] with divulging every last detail about his life. Nothing is too candid for Chris- getting haircuts, drinking his own [[navy]], [[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|shitting his pants]], or even giving away his phone number and home address! The only thing he hasn't done with wild abandon is give away his social security number and when that happens, it probably won't be a surprise to anybody.

His gullibility is astounding. No matter how many times it's happened before, Chris is easily led around by trolls promising [[china]] or threatening [[Sonichu|his]] [[Copyright|identity]]. The earlier trolling schemes (such as [[Blanca]], [[PandaHalo]] and [[Jimmy Hill]]) got Chris to jump through hoops and exposed so much information about Chris and his personality that they had to start a [[CWCki|wiki]] to keep track of it all.

In [[2009]] and [[2010]], Chris slowly began to "learn" to distrust trolls or to keep more of his [[PSN|information]] secure. However, many of his trolls believe this is akin to putting a shock collar on an animal. Eventually, in order to stop being shocked (not because they actually understand or care) an animal will start doing as it is told.

===Hubris: the pride before the fall===

[[Image:NeitherOfUs.jpg|thumb|It's fair to say that Chris is a narcissist]]

{{quote|I'd say... I'd say I'm all around. You see, the problem is that I have too many skills that I am good at. You might say that I am a jack of all trades and a master of none.|Chris, [[Mumble 3|right about that last part]]}}
Numerous times, Chris has shown that he believes he has powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal [[slow-in-the-minds|autistics]]. In fact, this attitude has transcended self-confidence and erupted into full-blown hubris: Chris is convinced that his [[Chris and writing|writing]], [[Christian and the Hedgehog Boys|musical]] [[Guitar Hero|talents]], and [[Chris and art|art]] are not just competitive with his peers, but clearly superior.

And he doesn't just have the power to create: his is also the power to destroy. This line of thinking is exemplified by Chris's acceptance that [[Ryan Cash]] committed suicide just because he withheld ''Sonichu'' updates, and would worsen when he believed that his [[curse-ye-ha-me-ha|curse]] actually caused [[Liquid Chris]] and [[Mary Lee Walsh]] to have some sort of horror befall them.

But those are just the most insane moments of cognitive dissonance. What about the time he went into hysterics when he didn't get recognition for his art at high school graduation?

{{quote|I should have been Highly Recognized for my ARTISTIC TALENTS I showed in my Many Art Classes for the Award Ceremonies before Graduation Day. I felt crestfallen greatly from not getting recognized for any of my Talents. I EXCELLED IN MATH TOO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!|Chris, on his [[User:ChrisChanSonichu_profile#Graduation|Wikipedia page]]}}

Or his reaction to losing the [[Adam Stackhouse|Parappa Contest]]?

{{quote|So that SWORN ON MY AUTISM, JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED TO THE SEVEN PEOPLE OF THOSE FOUR VIDEOS!!!!|Chris, on the [http://web.archive.org/web/20070830114517/http://sonichuchandler.tripod.com/cwcson.htm Sonichu Site]}}

[[Image:How chris sees himself.jpg|thumb|What Chris sees when he looks in the mirror]]

All of the above is consistent with the behavior of small children, who, isolated from the real world by a lack of comprehension and limited mobility, believe themselves to be godlike beings. This belief is gradually destroyed as the child goes to school and encounters outside authority, leading to their acknowledgment of the fact that they are, in fact, ordinary people. Of course, since Chris is not only autistic but also [[Barbara|extremely sheltered]], he still manages to cling to this belief by focusing on specific aspects of his life and constructing [[CWCville|elaborate fantasy worlds]]. This is also probably why he sees mundane [[chores]] as [[Father Call|horrific trials of strength and will]]. In psychological terms, this can be referred to as ''psychological neoteny'', which is basically the retention of juvenile traits well into physical maturity.

Also consistent with his childlike mindset is his apparent belief that he has supernatural powers. In Freudian terms, this is referred to as ''omnipotence of thought''. Basically, in the same way he does with religion, Chris cherry-picks elements of his life in order to validate his fantasy of control, which is more systematically displayed in the Sonichu comics. Taking this into consideration, it's likely that [[Magi-Chan]] is yet another Mary Sue for Chris, serving as a kind of avatar for his desire for ultimate authority. Why he felt it necessary to make [[Reginald Sneasel|yet]] another [[Sonichu (character)|character]] to fill this role is unclear, considering he's already established [[Chris-chan Sonichu|himself]] as the one true God of [[CWCville]].

Another aspect of Chris's arrogance, and again caused by his childish way of viewing [[Virginia|the world]], is visible in [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 9|a phone call]] with Alec Benson Leary, creator of [[Asperchu]]. In the call it is obvious Chris does not follow a mature procedure for developing a stance on issues. Where normally an individual will learn information about the issue and from there decide how they feel about that issue, Chris does it the other way around and decides how he feels about something, then refuses to believe, understand, or even humor any evidence to the contrary. While most people have very strong beliefs in some issues, so much so that they automatically have a prejudice against people believing differently (e.g. [[Barack Obama|politics]], [[religion]], etc.), Chris has this perspective on everything. He takes a position on matters, then finds ways to back it up and ignores all evidence for the opposing viewpoint. This is called a ''confirmation bias''. For example, Chris has decided [[homos]] are bad, so he selectively finds [[Leviticus|information]] that backs up his stance on the matter and ignores anything anyone will tell him about why his homophobia is bad and makes him a bad person. He will then go as far as to pretend he can [[Sonichu_10#Curing_Da_Homos|cure homosexuality]] with his own blood. Unless disliking homosexuals means he [[I'm Sorry, Dude|may not get laid]].

This is most apparent when he takes two contrary positions about a similar topic. The obvious example of this is Chris's understanding of the way [[parody]] functions. Chris will defend his right to make Sonichu to the hilt by claiming it is a [[Parody#Hypocrisy|parody]], but he then states that Asperchu is a bad thing because it is "parody of a parody". As you can see, Chris has decided that he has every right to make Sonichu so he backs this up with statements about his right to parody existing trademarked characters, but conversely he has decided Asperchu is bad, so he supports this position by stating it is a parody of his legitimate work.

===Materialism===

{{quote|I want Julie! Yeah, love is my first priority, but then- but then I want my stuff back!|Chris, caring more about his precious PSN Account and Sonichu website, more than his [[troll|sweetheart]].}}

It is clear that Chris is a materialist (a common symptom of Narcissistic Personality Disorder), buying and hoarding large amounts of crap that make him feel good about himself. He may even believe that his unhealthy amount of children's toys might attract a [[sweetheart]], when any human being would clearly see that this man is [[Naïve|delusional]]. He also doesn't seem to have a problem with getting [[money]] for sitting on his ass, claiming he can get more from his [[tugboat]] than he could at an actual job. He has absolutely no concept of money, and believes he is entitled to everything he can buy. This stems from childhood, when Snorlax would take Chris to the toy store and encourage him to talk by giving him toys if he could read their names out loud <ref>See [[1980s#1989|1989 in Christory]].</ref>. Ever since, he's believed that just by being autistic, he deserves everything he can get his grubby hands on.

This mixture of compulsive hoarding, compulsive shopping, and autism is bad news all the way. He compulsively hoards all of his toys and video games because he wants to give them to [[Crystal_Weston_Chandler_(daughter)|his daughter]] in the future. He also seems to enjoy collecting things, which may explain why Pokémon appeals to him. Chris compulsively buys everything he can on the PS3, and is more concerned with trophies than actual gameplay. Most of the games he's downloaded have never been played. But the important thing is that he ''has'' it. Hoarding items in cases other than OCD is a sign of intellectual disability in older children. He may have inherited this behavior from his parents.

===Tender misanthropy===

A "tender misanthrope" is, by definition, "someone who despises humanity in general, but is ever ready to make an exception for the ''real'' people". In other words, an egotist who pretends to be benevolent. While it's obvious that Chris is an egotist, he truly believes that he's benevolent. He is the perfect example of a tender misanthrope, screaming death threats at what he knows of humanity (seeing as the only social contact he gets is from the [[Internet]]) while also believing that he is a kind, loving person who can [[Christian Weston Chandler's FUTURE MESSAGE|give advice]] and [[Pedofork|act as a role model for children]].

Another part of the definition states that "a tender misanthrope feels certain of being able to love real people if only they could be found - or, failing that, [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up|to transform existing false people into idealized ''real'' people]] through social and political programs of the tender misanthrope's own making". The way that Chris treats [[homos]], seeing as he hates them all ([[Mailbag_53#Well,_that_makes_everything_better!|no matter what he says]]) and wants to turn them straight by placing them into co-ed prisons, reprogramming them into straights via concentration camps, or by creating a vaccine that "cures" homosexuality, certainly fits this description. The fact that he also generalizes trolls as homos also supports this. If that does not convince you that Chris feels he can make people into what he can emotionally attach himself to, there are also other obvious examples in his unique delivery of his intentions.

===Disregard of rules of conduct online===

{{quote|DO NOT DELETE, NOR CENSOR, MY BOMBASTIC PROTEST!!!!!!|Chris, in [[List of Christian's edits to Encyclopedia Dramatica#4 September|Encyclopedia Dramatica]]}}

Chris has little regard for the rules of online communities; when he joins up on websites, he tends to do things his way. He assumes that his own niche in these websites is under his absolute control: for example, he assumed that [[Wikipedia]] would allow him to post anything on his personal user page, or that [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] would remove material critical to him if he just asked not-so-nicely. Sites like [[deviantART]] and [[YouTube]] allow community participation; Chris simply disallowed comments, or later on, just ignored every comment he received. Chris also assumes that when other people host websites for him (in case of [[CWCipedia]]), he's given the final say on all matters. His record for getting permabanned is currently at two weeks on [[Flipnote Hatena]] when he foolishly tried to re-upload Flipnotes that had been removed for breaking the rules (without bothering to find out why they had been removed in the first place).

==War against the ego==

One of the main forces opposing Chris's ego are the [[white knight]]s. These [[slow-in-the-minds|misguided souls]] have attempted to get Chris to understand that what he's doing is ridiculous and that he needs to grow up. Instead, he brushed them all aside, assuring himself that he was [[Honest Content|TRUE and HONEST]], and could do no wrong. One of the more popular [[white knight]]s, [[Vivian Gee]], became a troll when she couldn't get through to Chris.

When asked to get [[Chris and psychology|real, psychiatric help]], Chris has said that his church counselor, [[Rocky Shoemaker]], is enough for him, and that she could do so much more than someone with ''an actual degree in that field.'' He seems to believe that because her title includes the word "counselor," she is every bit as qualified as a real doctor (the fact that most pastoral counselors see people for free probably helps as well, since Chris would never spend part of his precious [[monthly tugboat]] on something useful when there are [[video games]] to buy).

==Examples of Chris's ego in the real world and in the comic==

[[Image:SchuComic8P68.jpg|thumb|250px|[[Jiggliami]] sums it up nicely]]

{{Main|Examples of Chris's Ego}}

{{clear}}

==References==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

Chris and English

2011-01-08T04:32:57Z

LeelooDallasMultipass:

[[Image:Writing_guide.PNG|thumb|right|Chris has no idea what this is...]]
[[Image:Englishfordummies.jpg|thumb|right|...nor this.]]
[[Chris]]'s '''[[Wikipedia:English language|English]] skills''', like most other things related to Chris, leave much to be desired. Much of this can be attributed to his [[autism]], which often results in awkward speech patterns.<ref>[http://www.teacch.com/info_primer.html]</ref> He spent years of his childhood mute, and took speech therapy classes at [[James Madison University]]. Strangely, his grasp of English actually appears to have grown weaker as he's become older. This might be due to the fact that he spends more and more time in isolation.

==CWC-isms==
Chris has a tendency to make up his own words for things, then use them with reckless abandon while assuming whoever is reading will be able to understand [[autism|exactly what he means]]. As such, we get terms like "B-dog" and "[[noviophobia]]." He also tends to appropriate existing words, giving them new meanings based entirely on his own skewed logic. This is why, in Chris-speak, [[navy]] isn't a sea-based military force and [[china]] isn't an [[Punchy|Asian]] nation.

In the case of words like "da," Chris might be trying to make a pass at using slang to sound casual and relaxed, but instead, he ends up sounding like a marketing executive grasping desperately for credibility. Other famous [[CWC-isms]] like "[[tobacky]]," "[[niggos]]" and "[[gaybian]]" are the result of a different problem altogether: Chris is a manchild who can't even say out loud the names of objects or concepts which he finds repulsive. The use of these terms is a prime example of his immaturity.

These CWC-isms combine with his [[Speech Impediment|existing speech problems]] and his accent to form what you might call [[Wikipedia:Logorrhea|logorrhea]], literally "word flux." Basically, it's verbal diarrhea: a constant stream of almost-words. Any resemblance to actual English is tenuous at best, especially since his vocabulary is profoundly lacking in the first place.

{{quote|if I could have it my way, I'd make it [[Chris and Reality|illegal and forbidden to have homo Men; women are safe]]. Also, I would have the secondary definition of the word "gay", being Homosexual, REMOVED from the word in the dictionaries, and all instinctions [''sic''] and sayings of the word will ONLY LEGALLY be used to mean HAPPY, as it was originally intended among songs like "Deck the Halls"|Chris, [[IRC (02 January 2009)]]}}

As you can see in the above quote, this abuse of language isn't limited to just the commonplace CWC-isms we've come to know and tolerate. "Instinctions" is a word Chris made up for this passage to sound fancy and smart, which only makes him look like he doesn't know the word "instances." Playing fast and loose with language just further decreases the impact of whatever Chris is trying to say. Also of note is that Chris wants to make it illegal to use a word a certain way, which is [[Chris and hypocrisy|hypocritical]], and — quite frankly — [[Creepy stare|creepy]].

His own lexicon, like many other aspects of his personality, demonstrates exactly how self-centered he is. While the whole purpose of language is to express thoughts and ideas to other people, he has managed to turn vocabulary into a brick wall, by crafting a mashed-together lexicon that makes sense only to him.

==Written language==
Chris's writing is a complete mess from top to bottom, to put it lightly.

For starters, he doesn't understand basic syntax and semantics: he uses words in the wrong context, or as incorrect parts of speech, and his grammar is abhorrent. For example, he refers to [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|finger-banging]] as "outtercourse,"<ref>[[Megan Emails, 2008#Chris thinks she was scarred because she doesn't know much about sex]]</ref> which incorrectly replaces the supposed prefix ''in-'' — which leaves ''tercourse'', which is not a word at all — while the correct prefix is ''inter-'', meaning "between." (Incidentally, "outercourse" is an actual colloquialism meaning [[wikipedia:Non-penetrative sex|dry-humping]], not fingering.) Similarly, [[Mailbag 52|the infamous stock reply used to address Mailbag entries]] includes "inputed" as the past participle of ''input''; the correct word is either ''input'' or ''inputted''.<ref>[[wiktionary:input]]</ref>

In addition, he is obviously afraid that whatever he's feeling won't be adequately conveyed through his words, and tries to make up for this by relying on repetition and a distinctive [[BILLY MAYS|ALL CAPS]] style. For similar reasons, he tends to Capitalize Words At Random, Especially nouns and those which hold Importance to the Sentence, or the ones that address Important Abstract Concepts that Chris tries to Systematically Understand on account of finding them too Complex and Mystifying.

{{quote|And the ONLY REASON I have not had sex yet in my lifetime WITH A WOMAN yet, is because the WHOLE TIME, I have been SHY; kept down with the Personal Fear of nearly EVERY Woman I see being Already Paired-Up with a Boyfriend.|Chris proving that he never proofreads. From the CWCipedia article on [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Homosexuality homosexuality].}}

Beyond these basic issues of grammar and capitalization, Chris's writings often lack focus. Much like any six-year-old with ADD, he has trouble concentrating on a single topic for extended periods of time, and he instead veers off topic in order to babble about [[Random Access Humor|whatever is on his mind]]. This practice of writing stream-of-consciousness style, combined with his obvious disinterest in proofreading or otherwise checking over what he's written, inevitably results in a large number of confusing run-on sentences. A single sentence might cover multiple topics, often ones that don't have anything to do with the original subject matter. It gives his writing a rambling, disjointed feeling, and makes it very difficult to understand exactly what his point is. Related is his overuse of semicolons, which are usually used to connect two clauses together without a conjunction, but Chris uses to crudely string together two tangentially-related thoughts into a barely coherent sentence. Chris even uses the semicolon in dialogue where it would normally be considered improper.

{{quote|...while the Movie Women are "Just Characters", [[Rosechu]] is playing as her own "Character" as well. Also, there is MORE THAN ONE Rosechu; Why do you think I've dubbed them respectively "[[Bubbles Rosechu]]", "[[Angelica Rosechu]]", and recently introduced, "[[Lolisa Rosechu]]", of whom her Boyfriend, "[[Jamsta Sonichu]]", was the one who Interviewed [[Blanca]] and her [[Jiggliami]] on Radio Station, [[KCWC]].|Chris, somehow jumping from [[White knight e-mails#September 2008 — Chris denies being fat and sexist|movies not being reality]] to his [[KCWC|imaginary radio station]].}}

It doesn't help that Chris feels it's his obligation to be "[[Honest Content|honest]]", which means that he feels the need to mention irrelevant little details, as anything less would not mean he's not telling the whole truth.

===Spelling===
[[Image:Schu7_Pg1_MeganEdit.JPG|thumb|right|Chris had a chance to correct this spelling mistake during a [[retcon]] of [[Sonichu 7|''Sonichu'' #7]], but instead proved he can't spell for shit.]]

One will notice with all the "''sic''"'s scattered around the CWCki, that Chris has trouble with simple spelling. Despite all the other problems with Chris's writing, his poor spelling somehow manages to stand out. He regularly misspells words that should be easy to spell, such as "mies" ([[Sonichu 0|miles]]) and "dood" ([[Sonichu 7|good]]). He seems to have trouble with switching "eni"s for "ein"s, as in "[[seinor prom|seinor]]" (senior) and "geinus" ([[Sonichu 1|genius]]). Sometimes, he seems to spell words phonetically like a grade-school child learning how to read, such as "characiture" (caricature), rather than taking a few seconds to spell-check them in any of the dozens of programs available that would automatically correct his spelling. To put the icing on the cake, he writes "rest assured" as "[[Twitter#17_July_2010|rest-assured]]" as if it were a hyphenated phrase and not an imperative statement.

It was only relatively recently discovered that the term [[Anchuent Prophecy|Anchuent]] is supposed to be a pun, and not just another of Chris's random acts of butchery of the English language — or even a mistake due to the fact that "u" is right next to "i" on the QWERTY keyboard. This largely goes to show that Chris's inability to spell correctly is so persistent that when he ''deliberately'' misspells something, it goes completely unnoticed for ''years''.

===Repetition===
Chris frequently repeats himself verbatim. This is most apparent in his [[Attraction Sign]] but has cropped up in numerous other places. He frequently describes his ideal girl as a "[[boyfriend-free girl]] to make into a [[Sweetheart from the Ground-Up]]." This rather clunky phrasing is repeated in almost every iteration of the sign, both online and off. He asserts that his idea of "[[Dating Education|Date ed]]" sounds "[[Sonichu 9|dated]]" on several occasions, and has repeatedly blamed the [[Infinitely-High Boyfriend-Factor]] for his woes. This repetition is not limited to his written communication; for example, he has often described his [[Bob Chandler|father]] as "starting more arguments than flies in a garbage dump", most recently in his [[Father Call|phone conversation with Kacey's father]].

Clearly, something about these exact phrases causes Chris to reuse them over and over, verbatim, when describing the same problem in different conversations and contexts. It's tempting to just blame his [[autism]] for this repetition, which is likely a factor; however, much like his life in general, not all of his failures at communication can be laid at the door of his autism — other possibilities include that:
*Chris struggles to form sentences, and when he does so successfully, he tends to reuse what he knows is a working formula.
*Chris thinks his peculiar constructions are [[Random-access humor|funny]] and uses them to get a laugh, much like his [[Christian's sex joke|one joke]].
*Chris is so lazy that he literally copy/pastes text (or simply copies in the case of non-digital media) from his earlier screeds and manifestos into his new ones.
*Chris is simply so [[Things Chris has ripped off|terminally unimaginative]] that he cannot think of more than one way to express a given idea.
Given what we know about Chris, any or all of the above are possibilities. A large number of the phrases that are collectively known as "[[CWC-isms]]" follow the above pattern.

====Piecemeal language use====

Chris's phrase usage is a deep-seated issue, to the point that it's almost possible to imagine that he copies his phrases from ''somewhere'', even when he hasn't used the phrase previously. People usually learn idioms from other people when they hear them in an appropriate context, but though Chris may experience such a context, he has problems fully understanding the meaning of the phrase. Like most of us, he has obviously learned some phrases from the world around him, and he ''sort-of'' understands what they mean and ''sort of'' uses them in correct context. Despite this, it's as if he just learned the phrases, and, like some foreign English student, is making the first awkward steps towards using them properly. Unlike those curious foreigners, however, Chris isn't worried about getting punched in the face by the natives for abusing beloved idioms.

To an outside observer, many of Chris's phrases almost always appear out of place and tacked-on. This can manifest itself in even very small examples, such as in the video title "[[New Address]]"; the video isn't about any sort of an address change, as the phrase was intended to imply, but rather is an ''address'' to a specific individual, and is ''newly released''. It is akin to a foreigner opening a phrase book, finding the entry "New Address", and saying "OK, that's probably close enough - it's got 'new' and 'address' in it".

For a more blatant example, in the [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]], Chris continually demands "Legal, Unmark[ed], Non-consecutive" bills to be mailed to him. He probably thinks it's the sort of thing people ''generally'' say when they want cash mailed to them, without realizing that he has picked this expression up from crime fiction where that kind of phrase is said as part of a ransom demand.<ref>See, for example, the note in ''The Big Lebowski'': "WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON-CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF."</ref>

==Semantics==
As demonstrated in CWC-isms above, Chris has severe problems understanding the meanings of words (he described the word "benevolent" as sounding "derogatory"<ref>[[Mailbag 5]]</ref> — he might have mixed it up with "belligerent", which means "war-like"), and just about anything even marginally abstract or metaphorical.

===Muddled-up proverbs===
A good demonstration of Chris's lack of understanding of semantics is the fact that he doesn't really understand proverbs and adages; he frequently recites them incorrectly, clearly misses the point, or [[Autism|takes them literally]]. When he comes up with his own, he doesn't exactly try to veil any wisdom in carefully crafted phrases.

Examples of Chrisverbial Wisdom:

* "Those who are unable to, teach."<ref>[[Mumble 4]]</ref>
* "The shaped OBJECT is the BODY of the Item, but the STICKER is the Item's SOUL."<ref>[[Download For Play Only]]</ref>
* "A sound thought is a good thought, unless it is a bad idea."<ref>[[CWCipedia]]</ref>
* "The pen is mightier than the sword, yet it is more permanent than a pencil."<ref>[[CWCipedia]]</ref>

The last example illustrates several problems: "The pen is mightier than the sword" (a phrase originally coined by Edward Bulwer-Lytton, the man who also coined the phrase "It was a dark and stormy night") is, of course, generally regarded as a statement that words can have bigger consequences than violence. Chris doesn't understand this, and tries to somehow interpret this concretely: "pen is more permanent than a pencil." It is also problematic because normally, "A, yet B" is usually a statement by ''contrasts'': "A may be true, but a contrary example B is true as well." Still, Chris fails at explaining why it's so important that pens are more permanent than pencils, and what that has to do with pens and their relative might vis-a-vis swords — the meaning of Chris's proverb remains unclear. He cannot even create simple proverbs like
* "One who has his dick in the peanut butter jar, is fucking nuts."

===Literal interpretation===
Chris is unable to interpret the language other people use at any level other than its literal, surface meaning. He misses the deeper meanings of what others are trying to say to him, and cannot interpret abstract thought or sarcasm. This is known as concrete thought, which can be seen as a symptom of autism.

====Rhetorical comparisons and sarcasm====
Chris cannot interpret rhetorical comparisons. He ignores the point the speaker is trying to make and focuses on the 'exact' meaning of the phrases they use. Examples:<ref>[[Father Call]]</ref>

: '''Kacey's father:''' You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.
: '''Chris:''' Stuff…candy…don't…I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!
: …
: '''Kacey's father:''' I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a Windows is.
: '''Chris:''' You barely know what a Windows is?
: '''Kacey's father:''' Don't… don't patronize me.
: '''Chris:''' I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?
: '''Kacey's father:''' What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that.

In the first example, Chris clearly only hears "You[…] stuff candy down your throat" and interprets the negative tone as an accusation that this is a bad thing, then tries to prove that he does not, in fact, stuff ''candy'' down his throat — just good stuff like vegetables. Because he's threatened, he forgets that this is used as a ''rhetorical comparison'', and thus the original point that the Dad here was trying to make gets lost in sands of time. This is also one of the reasons why conversations with Chris sometimes branch out, lead nowhere, and cause frustration and tears (and tears of mirth for everyone but the two people who are conversing at the time).

As the quote read in [[04232010 - Autism Awareness & Men Should NEVER be Topless|Autism Awareness]] video says, autistic people are frequently unable to interpret sarcasm; this is no exception for Chris, who has often been unable to pick up sarcastic comments.

====Questions and suggestions====
Chris's literal interpretation also affects how he answers questions and follows orders or suggestions. He fails to elaborate any of his answers, and cannot distinguish the inferred meanings within the commands and suggestions given to him from their literal meanings. For example:<ref>[[Mailbag 2#In-depth answers|Mailbag 2]]</ref>

: '''Q:''' Do you listen to any music while you draw the comics?
: '''A:''' Yes.

To a normal person, the question that was posed would be interpreted along the lines of "What kind of music — what bands, what musical genres — do you listen while you draw the comics, assuming you listen music at all while drawing the comics? If you listen to the music, why does this particular music help you draw things? If not, do you find music distracting, and why?" but instead, Chris interpreted "Do you listen to any music?" literally as a question that can be answered "yes" or "no." Simply put, he is unable to see ''why'' people are asking specific questions that can be answered yes or no, and unable to elaborate or give rationales for his opinions unless those things are ''specifically'' asked from him. Again, this characteristic is due to his autism, not, as is often perceived, his stupidity.

Another example:<ref>[[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8]]</ref>
: '''Alec:''' Please stop running away from me.
: '''Chris:''' I'm not running away from you, I'm right here.

This was in response to Chris trying to end the call after an inconvenient discussion.

This also is likely to blame for Chris's second encounter with [[B-Manajerk]]. The previous day, the manager of the [[Wal-Mart]] had banned him from the store. Problem is, they were inside a [[McDonald's]] at the time, and he likely said something along the lines of "Never come to this store again". Chris took this to mean "You are banned from this specific store, the one you and I are standing in right now" and due to this misunderstanding he wound up being chased out of the Wal-Mart.

===Television jargon===
In the ''Sonichu'' comic, Chris also almost consistently uses television terminology instead of comics terminology. This seems to seep into his other language use, too — he urges people to "stay tuned" to see new developments in his [[YouTube]] channel, for example. This may seem innocuous at first, as regular people might use "stay tuned" in non-TV situations (and for cable/satellite TV stations, which do not have a transmission frequency), but in Chris's case, this may be an indication of a bigger issue. Chris refers to himself as "Great Director Chandler"<ref>[[Mailbag 34#...Well, this is disturbing!|Mailbag 34, to Evan]]</ref> (itself a ripoff of [[Excel Saga|Great Director Watanabe]]) and calls alternate versions of his comics "director's cuts."<ref>[[Quizzes#Sonichu Quiz 2|Sonichu Quiz 2]]</ref> [[Sonichu 10]] begins with "Previously..." type of recap of the end of the previous comic. When talking about the comic, he consistently refers to "episodes" rather than chapters. He has used "TV-MA/TV-14/TV-Y7" ratings for certain scenes<ref>[[Sonichu 8]]</ref> and, when this self-imposed rating system later failed to work, he blamed FCC for the messed-up ratings,<ref>[[Mailbag 51#The recent explosion of pornography in TV-Y7 cartoons is not Chris's fault|Mailbag 51]]</ref> even though FCC has no authority over web or print media. He promised a second "season" of the comic — apparently a "reboot" will commence with a "clip show episode" in [[Sonichu 11]].<ref>[[Mailbag 51#A reboot is scheduled|Mailbag 51]]</ref> It is as if he's familiar with only one set of jargon that he then applies to all similar situations, ignoring the fact that most people speak of "comic writers" instead of "directors", "chapters" instead of "episodes", "volumes" instead of "seasons", rate their comics with some rating system that is probably similar to, but not an ''exact duplicate'' of the one used in television — and so on.

It is speculated that the use of jargon stems not from a limited vocabulary, but from Chris's belief that he is [[Chris and reality|actually directing a TV show]].<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu Sonichu] on CWCipedia. ''"For the sake of the Comic Pages, the marriage has been keep discreet during drawing, coloring and filimg[''sic'']."''</ref> More damningly, he once referred to the comics as an "anime", with himself as director.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_3/Page_9 Issue 3 Page 9]</ref>

===Other strange points===
Chris seems to cling to trademarks. In [[Mailbag 10]], for example, he specifically says a couple of times that he has saved material on his Memory Stick and Memory Stick Duo. Not "saved on memory card" or just "saved"; people generally don't care ''what'' you save your fanart on, as long as it's saved. Chris, however, wants to be specific: the fan material was saved on a Memory Stick Duo. In the exact same vein, in [[Clyde and Tito PS3 E-mails]], he even swears with "hand on My Holy New International Version Bible right now", rather than just on ''any'' old Bible he might have had lying around. This can be explained, again, by Chris's [[Autism]], where he is literally describing the specific device that he is using to save, not a generalization.

Chris seems to prefer referring to people using their full names; he almost always refers to himself as "Christian Weston Chandler" or, God forbid, "'Christopher' Christian 'Ricardo' Weston Chandler"— if he's feeling overly formal. This applies to other people, too; for example, in [[Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)|Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts]], he refers to most of the women by their full names. This is yet another autism-related trait.

==Spoken language==
[[Image:Choicevideos.PNG|thumb|300px|Chris's spoken vocabulary.]]
Chris comes off slightly better when speaking, but that's really not saying much. When he addresses the world in one of his many videos, his speech is peppered with vocalized pauses such as "uhh," "hmmm," and "yeah" as he struggles to find the right thing to say. He also tends to stutter and repeat himself.

{{quote|They should have given it perfect- they should have given it five out of five stars... and ten out of ten. Between G4... tee, uh, between G4 and, uh, the [[Wikipedia:Game Informer|Game Informer]].|Chris attempting to convince people that [[Brutal Legend Plus|Brutal Legend]] is worthy of a perfect score.}}

Chris does a better job staying on-topic when speaking than he does while writing, likely because when speaking to a camera or another person, he has a clearer idea of the point he wants to get across. Going off on rambling tangents still occasionally happens, but usually only when Chris is trying to be funny.

{{quote|...even to make his own ass bleed. I mean, that story, it's just about as incredibly fabricated as Donna Tubb's time over at when she had to borrow [[Wikipedia:R. Kelly|R. Kelly]]'s bathroom... [[The Cleveland Show]], new episodes Sun- every Sunday on FOX.|Chris [[Captain's Log, Stardate October 15th, 2009|confusing humor with advertising]]}}

While Chris seems to be at least capable of coherent conversation while calm, things go downhill when he's [[Stress|upset]], [[Chris and Anger|enraged]], or [[Autism|confused]]. In particular, his tendency to throw childlike temper tantrums has resulted in some very bizarre outbursts. When angry, Chris still retains his tendency to go off on tangents and be very proper about compulsively giving all of the [[Honest Content|relevant information]], which means that he's often unable to sum his anger up in just a few succinct words.

{{quote|...SO GET IT THROUGH YOUR DAMN FUCKING SKULL AND CALL ME A REAL NAME THAT have God has been given to me and the bear at Regency Square Shopping center, during 1989, YOU DAMN MOCKING BASTARD!|Chris [[CHRIS!!! CHANDLER!!!|inserting random details into a hissy fit]].}}

Interestingly, comparisons of his vocal patterns offer one of the few signs of actual development that Chris has ever displayed. Consider his earliest videos; his speech was courtly and disjointed, and delivered almost exclusively in short, monotonous bursts:

<center>{{#ev:youtube|xkVhGLz8MKM}}</center>

There are exceptions to this, but these generally consisted of [[List of phrases Chris copied from media|short phrases apparently culled from TV]] (note the change in pitch in the above video when Chris describes himself as "ever so lonesome"). All in all, Chris displayed all the attributes one would expect from an autistic, as well as from someone who is completely unused to talking to people.

Comparisons with the present day show a marked change in Chris's manner of speech:

<center>{{#ev:youtube|akekECv9XCQ}}</center>

Chris may not sound any more naturalistic, but he does show more of a semantic range than he did two years ago. Clues as to why this has occurred can be found in the subject matter of the videos — Chris perhaps now has realized to some extent that he must engage with people on their terms in order to be taken seriously. While this may not be a massive change, it is still heartening to see that the trolling is stirring the emaciated hulk of his dignity into some sort of creaking action. Who knows? In another two years he may have acquired the vocal skills of a child of kindergarten age.

===Idiosyncrasies===
Chris also has a number of idiosyncrasies which appear frequently in his speech. First, the aforementioned disjointed speech patterns, which are broken up by a number of ideological phrases, which crop up with varying regularity but which sound very similar every time he uses them. Listen closely to the way he introduces himself; he is "Chrishinwessonchanler. From Ruckersville Vir-''gin''-ya." Whenever Chris introduces himself, he basically repeats this exact phonetic pattern, including pauses, the rushed and garbled name, and the staccato rhythm of "Virginia". This is of course explainable by his [[autism]], but it is also related to his [[Random Access Humor|sense of humor]], his [[parody|plagiarism]], and his desire for control over those whom he sees as oppressors.

It may also be related to the less often seen idiosyncrasy which causes him to express disgust with a word physically. For example, in the famous [[SingStar Challenge Round 5|Smell Yo Duck]] music video, Chris first avoided saying the word "dick" altogether, and when forced to repeat the video, showed signs of distress bordering on illness. While this is obviously an exaggeration of Chris's feelings, it is notable that he should feel any particular sensation about simple words whatsoever. This reaction raises the possibility that, so long as he is not faking it altogether, Chris may be a [[Wikipedia:Synesthesia|synaesthete]]. There's also the possibility that he has a strong association with a certain word and associates guilt with it, like a child hearing a curse word. Alternatively, it is not stating the ''word'' that is disgusting to Chris, but rather the ''substance'' of the phrase, as it implies that ''he himself'' is [[homos|"smelling someone's dick"]]. Despite this, Chris has no problem hurling curse words (including "dick") at his enemies when in a [[Chris and anger|fit of rage]].

==Chris and profanity==
: ''See also: [[Chris and censorship]]''

At some point in the 2000s, Chris became an enthusiastic user of profanity and vulgar language. According to [[Mimms]], in his early days at [[The GAMe PLACe]] Chris avoided cursing, at least in public, but in more recent years he's lost almost all compunctions in this regard. His videos, blogs, and public pronouncements are full of foul language and obscene references. This is possibly to seem more "adult".

He still holds back in some ways, though. In much of his writing, especially in his comics and on the [[CWCipedia]], Chris shows a strange inclination to censor himself. He regularly uses profanity in his blog entries and Mailbag responses, but the offending words are typically blotted out with asterisks: "D*** that Son Of A B****, Clyde Cash",<ref>[[CWC Blog]], December 2009</ref> for instance, or "BUGS BUNNY WAS NAKED; YOGI BEAR WAS NAKED; WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU?"<ref>[[Mailbag 39]]</ref> (On occasions he varies up his censorship style. [[CWC's Diary]] repeatedly refers to [[Mary Lee Walsh]] as an "XXXXX"; the Xes are clearly meant to stand in for "bitch.") Even relatively mild words such as "damn" and "crap" get the same treatment, which was exploited to hilarious effect in the [[Audiobooks]].

It could be that Chris believes that most of the CWCipedia's audience is comparatively young, and therefore censors his outbursts to protect his imagined fanbase. Another, more complex theory proposes that it's a sign of Chris's stunted maturity level — he wants to use profanity to signify that he's an adult, but he retains a child's guilt and uncertainty about swearing. (The same theory is often floated regarding [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Daveykins David Gonterman], another angry internet cartoonist with an incongruous tendency to censor himself.)

==See also==
*[[Speech Impediment]]
*[[Chris's resume]]
*[[The High School Story]]
*[[Chris and writing]]
*[[Spanish]]
*Anything written on [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Main_Page CWCipedia]

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

Sonee & Rosey

2011-01-07T20:49:13Z

LeelooDallasMultipass:

[[Image:SchuSoneeRosey.jpg|thumb|A '''Sonee''' and a '''Rosey'''. Note that Rosey's looking lustfully at Sonee. [[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Seriously]].]]

'''Sonees''' and '''Roseys''' (sometimes '''Rosees''') are the pre-evolutionary forms of [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichus]] and [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechus]]. Their colors usually correspond to their type. Most [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] in the comic started out as eggs that fell out of a [[homos|rainbow]] and hatched as Sonees and Roseys.

Technically, baby versions of [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] never could have existed because they were transformed directly from a [[Pikachu]] and [[Raichu]], not Pichu, their pre-evolved form. It's generally understood that the ''[[Hanky-panky|miracle of birth]]'' does not provide Sonichu offspring with their shoes, bows, and skirts shown,<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_84 Issue 10 Page 84] Sandy is born nude.</ref> but there are contradictions.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_3/Page_9 Issue 3 Page 9] Magi-chan is born with a vest.</ref> (Whatever the case, they automatically gain clothing upon evolution... but ''again'' there are more contradictions<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_3/Page_7 Issue 3 Page 7] Angelica is born (and [[pedofork|raised]]) nude, but [[Christian Weston Chandler (comic character)|Chris]] has to give her shoes and a scrunchie at evolution.</ref>.) None of the [[Chaotic Combo]], or [[Silvana]], correspond to the "Original Sonee and Rosey", but rather to the prismatic range of the [[Rainbow]]. There's also a continuity in the attire with the "Sonichu/Rosechu" species; "Sonees" are stark-naked with shoes while "Roseys" are wearing dresses. This might be a link with their [[Homos|sexuality]] but Chris, their grandfather, is [[Mailbag 19|unclear on the subject]].

Although Chris has stated that he finds them cute, most ''[[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]]'' [[Trolls|readers]] reacted in disgust when first confronted with these hideously repulsive creatures, and a large consensus has agreed that they are some of the most aggravating characters, their lack of comprehensible (relatively speaking; most ''Sonichu'' dialogue is at least in something that resembles [[English]]) speech being a major cause of anger. Their physical appearance is also a source of much disgust, as it is an overload of conventionally "cute" characteristics, done horribly wrong. They look like they're trying too hard to be cute, and it is sickening.

The appearance by [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children]] in "[[A Sonichu Day]]" is a particularly grating one, as Chris gives them some of the most retarded dialogue he has ever given, in a despicably twee voice. Their appearance in "[[Chris + Sarah's Life-Shares]]", where he uses them to represent younger versions of himself and [[Sarah Hammer]], is also horrific when you realize just how contrived and passive-aggressive it all is.

__NOTOC__
{{clear}}

==Sonee==
{{quote|Sonee is the pre-evolved form of [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]]. He is known to have a lot of [[spunk]] and speed. This cute [[Pokemon]] packs a lot of [[sex|action]].|Sonee ''[[Animal Crossing]]'' card[http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/File:165-ACSoneeBck.jpg]}}

The pre-evolved form of [[Sonichu (species)|Sonichu]]. He has a lot of spunk and speed, and is quite "cute". He is apparently born with shoes on. Like most other [[Pokémon]], they can only speak gibberish.

==Rosey==
[[Image:SchuComic4Page4.jpg|thumb|The birth of a '''Rosey''' [[Bubbles]], sans skirt.]]

{{quote|Rosey is the pre-evolved form of [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]]. Her [[Pickle|cuteness]] always gets the [[Pedofork|awe of her enemies]]. When she falls, her skirt acts as a parachute.|[[:Image:232-ACRoseyBck.jpg|Rosey Animal Crossing card]]}}

The pre-evolved form of [[Rosechu (species)|Rosechu]]. According to Chris her so called "cuteness" always gets the awe of her enemies, and when she falls, her skirt acts as a parachute. This last feat is physically impossible, but never mind ''that'', because it offers an [[Pedofork|opportunity]] for panty-shots, that is if they had any, which in fact makes it even worse. It is implied that Roseys are born without any clothing, and shoes and skirts are purchased separately. The Rosey form of [[Bubbles]], for instance (see right), was never born with a skirt. The birth of [[Sandy]] appears to confirm this. <ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_84 Issue 10 Page 84]</ref>

==Biologee==

An cursory examination of the birthdates of [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children]] implies that Rosechus have a gestation period of around three months. This amount of time would for a normal creature be insufficient for healthy development, even for monotremes, which possibly explains why Sonees and Roseys always appear [[retarded]] and half-[[Yawning Squirtle|baked]].

However, Sonees and Roseys seem to vary a lot in intelligence. As infants, the [[Chaotic Combo]] could only say their own names (which is supposed to be [[Things Chris has ripped off|how Pokemon communicate]]). And the "Original" Sonee and Rosey can only say Goo-Goo, suggesting they start with even less intelligence. However, the Sonichu Children are capable of speaking in complete (albeit mangled) sentences. Hell, Sandy was able to talk right after she was born! This discrepancy in intelligence has been addressed in [[Mailbag 23]] in which Chris states that [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Cerah, Christine and Robbie]] learned English from their parents and that the Chaotic combo didn't have English speaking guardians, which is a [[lie]] as [[Bubbles]] started speaking English while trying to rescue her mother and [[Wild Sonichu|Wild]] knew English as a Sonichu. This still doesn't address why Sandy could speak right after being born. To further confound the situation, Magi-chan informs the readers via textwall that Wild had to teach her English ''after'' she demonstrated fluency with the language, implying that she didn't know it beforehand.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_86 Issue 10 Page 86]</ref> Regardless of this, they are all still of inferior intelligence.

It is also worth noting that Sonees and Roseys do not wear the white gloves that Sonichu and Rosechu wear at all times; acquiring the gloves is likely a rite-of-passage. Disturbingly, Sonees and Roseys have rounded stumps rather than hands which gives them the appearance of Thalidomide babies, but knowing Chris, he probably ripped them off from the creatures from the ''Sonic'' games known as Chao. The [[Animal Crossing]] designs and a teddy-bear creature from [[Excel Saga]] called "Puchuu" may also have substantial influence on the design of Sonees and Roseys. Despite having no opposable thumbs, the mutant baby Pokémon are somehow able to accomplish rudimentary tasks with their stubby arms, such as baking cookies and playing [[PSP]]s.

There's also the strong possibility that Sonichu and Rosechu's children are not representative of the typical Sonee & Rosey Poke-type. In [[Sonichu 10|''Sonichu'' #10]], [[Sandy Rosechu]] went from hatching from an egg to her mature form and the intellectual skills of a fourth grader inside of a [http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Issue_10/Page_86 single week!] while [[Punchy]] evolved to his full form the same day, even though he had his tail ripped off. This leaves us to formulate the hypothesis that Sonichu's children are kinda [[retarded|slower than the average]] to evolve in their adult form. Another possibility is that Sandy evolved rapidly because her [[Wild Sonichu|father]] [[Sonichu_10#The_Final_Countdown|lavished attention on her]], while Cerah, Christine and Robbie are left with [[Heather Iglesias|the nanny]] while their parents are forced to fulfill the wishes of [[Christian Weston Chandler|a deranged tyrant]]. Alternatively, Sonees and Roseys evolve more rapidly under stressful situations (see [[Bubbles]] and [[Punchy]]), thereby suggesting [[Wild]]'s attention is a [[Pedofork|lot less wholesome than the comic would lead you to believe]].

==Galleree==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:164-ACSonee.jpg|JESUS CHIRST IT'S A LION, GET IN THE CAR!
Image:165-ACSoneeBck.jpg
Image:166-SoneeCard.jpg
Image:231-ACRosey.jpg|[[Pedofork|Notice how Chris draws Rosey with a skirt, but no top...]]
Image:232-ACRoseyBck.jpg|[[Pedofork|The card pretty much speaks for itself.]]
Image:233-RoseyCard.jpg
Image:425-CWCSNHP1.jpg
Image:Demonicrobbie.jpg|[[Audiobooks|GOD DAMN LOOK AT THAT FACE]]
Image:Morechristmasshit.jpg|[[The Creepy Stare|This image will haunt your soul]].
Image:Gwandpawuvshisgwandchildren.jpg|Gwandpa Chwis wuvs his gwandchildren.
Image:LOLRape.jpg|Chris spends some quality time with his grandkids.
Image:FeedingTime.jpg|A baby Sonee & a baby Rosey feeding off Chris's [[duck]] milk.
Image:Bizarro Chris Sonichu's Offspring.jpg|Bizarro Chris
</gallery>
</center>

==See also==
{{Fan art}}
*[[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children]]
*[[Sonichu (species)]]
*[[Rosechu (species)]]
*[[Metonic]]
*[[Vamprosa]]
*[[Guro]]
*[[CWC Update 12 August 2009]], in which Chris addresses the former.
*[[Sonichu 3#Episode 10: "Sonichu Babies"|''Sonichu'' #3 Episode 10]], the first episode to feature Sonees and Roseys, to the chagrin of Sonichu [[Trolls|fans]].
*[[SonichuBabies]], a [[parody|riff]] on the Muppet Babies featuring, in lieu of diminutive Jim Henson characters, these little imps.
*"[[A Sonichu and Rosechu Christmas Story]]"

== References ==

<references />

{{Sonichu}}

[[Category:Characters]]
[[Category:Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]]