CWCki - User contributions [en]

Talk:SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD

2011-11-13T16:30:24Z

Liquid!: /* Two versions */

So are these going to need transcribing? It doesn't seem like like it would be too hard, and I want to do something, these don't sound creative from the titles. "I feel like a woman" is just Chrissy singing the original without the mention of men and his normal singing problems.--[[User:Soay Sheep|Soay Sheep]] 21:45, 12 November 2011 (PST)
:Yes, each song will have its own article for the main purpose of transcribing them. I'll throw up the template articles momentarily. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 21:46, 12 November 2011 (PST)
:I am uploading the songs to the library after they are done rendering. [[User:Abejita Cortez|Abejita Cortez]] 21:58, 12 November 2011 (PST)

== Two versions ==

What's the difference between the original and the collectors edition? And how did the album leak?

Talk:SPARKLE like you mean it: ROBEE'S BALLAD

2011-11-13T16:28:50Z

Liquid!: /* Two versions */ new section

Kacey

2011-03-14T03:01:13Z

Liquid!:

{| class="infobox" style="width: 21em; font-size: 90%;"
|-
! colspan="2" | Sweethearts
|-
| colspan="2" | [[Image:Kacey.jpg|300px]]
|-
! colspan="2" |Kacey
|-
| '''Birth name'''
| Kacey Devoria
|-
| '''Full name'''
| Kacey Yulia "KaceKat" Chandler
|-
| '''Date of Birth'''
| 30 June 1983
|-
| '''Gender'''
| Female
|-
| '''Nationality'''
| [[United States of America|American]]
|-
| '''Race'''
| [[Chris and race|White]]
|-
| '''Parents'''
| [[Matt Devoria]]
|-
| '''Siblings'''
| Kale Devoria (elder brother) Kara Devoria (little sister)
|-
| '''Spouse'''
| [[Liquid Chris]]
|-
| '''Occupation(s)'''
|Nursing/Biology undergraduate
|-
|}

'''Kacey Yulia "KaceKat" Chandler''', née '''Devoria''' (born 30 June [[1983]]), is the [[sweetheart]] of [[CChanSonichuCWC]] (Liquid Chris) who became embroiled in the conflict between her lover and [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] (Solid Chris). She has a "[[china|fun]]", "[[china|caring]]", "[[china|kind]]" personality, as Ian believes all women do. As Ian is oft to note, she really cares for him, mayunn!

==Background==

Basically, Ian became enraged with jealousy that [[CChanSonichuCWC]] could have a girlfriend while he couldn't, so he conspired to steal her away in a series of devious phone calls in which he pretended to be Liquid, and told her that he would put his [[duck|penis]] in between her breasts and come all over her. He also planned to follow this act by licking his [[comeuppance]] off of her and [[recycling]] it with her. For a straight man, it's interesting that his first time would still involve recycling his own semen, thus putting his [[homos|orientation]] into question once again. Happily, he never got his chance as she quickly "realized" that Ian was trying to trick her.

Of note, this is probably one of the most blatant and irrefutable [[lies]] the impostor has perpetrated. In his utter hatred of Liquid, it is he himself that <s>becomes</s> remains the impostor in a desperate and misguided attempt to steal Liquid's girlfriend. Also of note is that Solid does a piss-poor job impersonating Liquid, and Kacey has to literally correct him half the time to keep him from breaking his own charade. The worst is when his infamous narcissism kicks in, and he ends up defending "Solid" Chris's [[Chris and fashion|clothing]], [[obesity|weight]], and [[Sonichu Girls#Chris's Hair|stupid fucking haircut]]. For her part, Kacey actually flubs her lines quite a bit, forgetting that she's not supposed to know it's not the real Chris. Ian, of course, never notices.

As revealed by Ian in the video [[Greetings to Kaceys folks]], Kacey's parents are Mr and Mrs D (Devoria).

Kacey is the middle child of her parents, a military couple. Her father is retired military, her mother works in government affairs. She has an older brother, Kale, also military, and a younger sister, Kara, who is a freshman in college. Kacey is rumored to be attending university in Washington D.C., living nearby in an apartment with male roommates. Her family lives in the suburbs of [[Virginia]]. She is majoring in Nursing and Biology.

==Contact with Ian==

On 3 [[August 2009]], Ian sent Kacey [[For Kacey from CWC]] to prove that he is the real Chris.

On 4 August 2009, Ian created [[CWC - Hand Drawn Original]] to reveal his true, fat self.

Kacey was very hurt by the fact that Ian tried to trick her into going to his house. What he was planning to do if she did show up on his door is anyone's guess. In all likelihood, he expected her to actually dump her longtime boyfriend for him once he proved he's the One, True and Honest creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]]. That, or he'd put on a brown shirt and paper medallion and hope she never noticed the glaring differences while he [[recycling|ate]] his own [[navy]] off of her.

On 15 August 2009, she posted a video announcing ChanSonichuCWC's disappearance and felt distraught and heartbroken over the event, calling the police and going as far as to withdraw herself from their marriage.
{{Deletedvideo}}
{{Infobox/Galpal
| name = August 15, 2009
| video = {{#ev:youtube|K9kIcTdeqYU}}
| Stardate = 15 August 2009
| Maker = Kacey
| Subject = [[CChanSonichuCWC]]
| Video Type = Worry
| Other Info = Kacey goes insane over Liquid's disappearance.
}}

On 20 August 2009, she posted another video announcing that the police believed the kidnapping was a hoax, and asked for peace while hoping for the real Chris's return.
{{Deletedvideo}}
{{Infobox/Galpal
| name = Update
| video = {{#ev:youtube|2KNlmx8Nt2o}}
| Stardate = 20 August 2009
| Maker = Kacey
| Subject = [[CChanSonichuCWC]]
| Video Type = Reason
| Other Info = Kacey finds out the kidnapping was a hoax.
}}

==The Love Quest==

Once [[CChanSonichuCWC#The_Return_of_the_King|Liquid Chris returned]], details of the contact between Ian and Kacey began to emerge. In Ian's [[Adressing Liquid]] video, he suggested that Kacey had become a close "[[gal-pal]]", and implies that he still pines for her. Ian would later officially proclaim his love for her in the [[fail|creatively]] titled video, "[[I Love You Kacey]]" where he states that Kacey and himself had been in frequent contact with each other, during the period in which Liquid disappeared.

In [[10252009 For Kacey]], Ian graduated to an official [[Love Quest]] in his desperate attempt to steal Kacey from her future husband. The delusion would grow further in [[For Chris No 2]], where Ian implies that he genuinely thinks that Kacey is leaving Liquid for him. It would later become clear that this was not the case at all; Kacey would later state that she only ever considered herself and Ian as friends.

However, Ian being himself, he began to think that she really was in love with him, and went so far as to [[Re to Chris No 2 - SHE IS MINE NOW|make a video of him gloating to Liquid that he had won her heart.]] At one point, Kacey uploaded audio of herself singing to ''A Whole New World'', from the popular Disney movie ''Aladdin'' to Youtube. The description section ambiguously sought for "Chris" to perform a duet with the audio; naturally, this [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey|culminated in a video showing the true range of Ian's Sinatra-esque tones]].

==The end of Kacey==

Ian and Kacey's <s>friendship</s> love affair continued for a while afterward, until Chris got into an [[Father Call|argument with Kacey's father]] after attempting to prove his worthiness as a man. In the process, Kacey saw how utterly messed up he was, mentally and physically, and returned to Liquid's waiting arms. Chris's chances were utterly dashed after she got a hold of [[Sonichu Special 4|his comic to her]] and learned that he was willing go and ''shoot'' Liquid. Horrified, Kacey scorned Ian for his actions in [[Kacey and Liquid Call|a final phone call to him]], never to return. Ian would later upload [[CWC is sad|a video where his solemnity was clear]], although this depression would last for merely a day.

With the release of [[The End For Real (Kacey call)|the ''actual'' final phone call between Kacey and Chris,]] it is shown that Kacey is very wise about Chris's dealings. Following the end of the call, Kacey makes an assumption about Chris never mentioning her again. While he does in [[CWC is sad]], the very next day after said video, a new video is released where [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|Chris is smiling from ear to ear.]] The very next day. The coincidence is stunning.

==Marriage to Liquid==
[[Image:Wedding Photo by Scarlet Rose.jpg|thumb|The happy couple.]]

Liquid and Kacey were married on 11 [[November 2009]], at 2 p.m. EST. It was a very small wedding ceremony with their families and a few select friends. Solid tried his best to ruin the honeymoon via receiving copyright papers, which, as you probably guessed, [[Fail|failed miserably]].

Little is known of Kacey at this point, despite Liquid Chris resurfacing to help heighten the success of [[Asperchu]].

==See also==
*[[Kacey calls]]
*[[Father Call]]
*[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]
*[[The End For Real (Kacey call)]]

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?mkgfzztdgcz The complete phone call between Chris and Kacey]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rRi90wfvHI Resident Chris-chan 3: Dating Ground]

{{The Cwcivil War of 2009}}
{{Sweethearts}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Devoria, Kacey}}

[[Category:Sweethearts]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

The End For Real (Kacey call)

2011-03-14T02:19:53Z

Liquid!:

'''The End For Real''' is a phone call which took place between [[Kacey]] and Chris on [[November 2009|10 November 2009]], and led to Kacey severing all connections from Chris, [[Kacey#Marriage to Liquid|Kacey marrying Liquid Chris the following day]], and the resulting [[CWC is Sad|video]] in which Chris tried not to cry over losing his [[Chris and reality|potential]] [[sweetheart]].

It was leaked to the [[CWCki]] on 16 [[February 2011]].

== Part 1 ==
{{Template:Deletedvideo}}
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey, Part 1
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|oFDnyny_9Ls}}
| Stardate = 10 November 2009
| Featuring = [[Solid Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = First
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}}

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hi, Chris. It's Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, hey Kacey.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I got Kim's e-mail, she said to call you?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, we need--yeah, uh, I feel like we need to, uh, talk, you know, [[Kacey and Liquid Call|sort out what happened the other night]]. Yeah, I did not mean--I did not mean to ignore you, and I was aware you were there and I'm sorr--I'm sorr--I wanted to call you guys back.
 '''Kacey:''' [speaks over Chris] Well, you didn't really... act like I was there, I, like, I'm pretty sure you just straight-out [[Women's rights|ignored everything I said]].
 '''Chris:''' [''makes a strange grunting noise] Yeah, yeah well let me talk about that. You see, uh, I have, uh, what--one of my problems is that I have [[Wikipedia:Tunnel vision|tunnel vision]]. You know, it's like, uh, when, like, [[Autism|you concentrate on one thing and you're pretty much set until its done]]. And, uh, and Chris was--
 '''Kacey:''' [''speaks over Chris''] It--It--It doesn't matter, it made me feel like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is more important than I was. You were more concerned about what he was saying even though you think they're lies, than what I was saying even though I'm saying the truth. I mean, it's like, it's like you wanted him more than you wanted me.
 '''Chris:''' Kacey... That's not true. That's not true.
 '''Kacey:''' But--But I mean, if you have tunnel vision shouldn't your tunnel vision have been pointed at ''me'' and not ''him''?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you see, another one of my flaws is, uh, when I get really [[stressed]] my mind tends to blank out and my problem-solving skills, uh, pretty much, uh, temporary [[Chris and English|[''sic'']]] go down the toilet there. And...it just blank up and it justs really blanks me out, and, don't--
 '''Kacey:''' I know, but what's very important to me is that I have someone who can defend me, you weren't even defending me at all, you were just [[Chris and anger|screaming]] at him. I need someone who's quick on their feet. I mean, did you realize how much I was hurt last night?
 '''Chris:''' ...Yeah, I realize how much you were hurt, um, I'm very sorry about that, I real-I realize what a heel I was.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright, but did you really realize that, or did someone have to tell you that?
 '''Chris:''' Nope, I realized it. No one had to tell me. [''pause''] I did talk to Kim about it, though.
 '''Kacey:''' Well I know you talked to Kim, she's the one who e-mailed me.
 '''Chris:''' ...Yep. But, anyway, Kacey, I do love you. I really do. I'm very sorry I ignored you.
 '''Kacey:''' But, you haven't even tried to contact me until Kim told you to! I mean, how can you say you love me or care about me, and you were just going to, like, okay, I was so hurt, and I, I mean, what would you have done, I mean, if you didn't talk to me? I mean, I could have just gone off and done whatever, you would have been out of sight, out of mind. You couldn't even send a simple e-mail. I mean, it's like you didn't even care that I was hurt or crying or anything.
 '''Chris:''' No, I di-I did care. I just, uh, I was under st--I was under the shock, too.
 '''Kacey:''' What shock? There was no shock!
 '''Chris:''' You know, realizing what a heel I was and how hurt you were...and that made me feel hurt. You know? 'Cause...
 '''Kacey:''' Then, why didn't you try to contact me? You would think you want to if you hurt someone you, um, supposedly love.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're right, I should have, yeah, I should have contacted you sooner. I just feel I-I thought--
 '''Kacey:''' You were too busy playing [[video games]] again, weren't you?
 '''Chris:''' No, I just thought--I just thought that you might need your spa--you might need some space, you know?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, 'cause I'm hurting so you're just going to let me hurt all alone, or-or-or worse, in your opinion, you were gonna let me be with Chris, I mean, what did you think was gonna happen? I mean, you were playing video games today anyway, don't lie to me, I know you were.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I played some video games. I played some video games.
 '''Kacey:''' See? Those are more important than me, too! How the heck are you supposed to have a [[girlfriend]] if you can't even talk to her unless her friend tells you to do it? You're just going to sit around and play video games all day, like, I could be hurt or sick or something, and you wouldn't know because your video games are more important.
 '''Chris:''' No, Kacey, you are more important. And if I- [Chris begins to speak, but Kacey interrupts]
 '''Kacey:''' But you're not acting like it at all.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, maybe I'm not acting like uh guh, m-maybe I'm not giving that impression right now. But Kacey- [Chris is interrupted]
 '''Kacey:''' Or ever.
 '''Chris:''' But Kacey, please believe me. You are very important. [[Chris and English|Because you are kind, caring]] [[China|woman]]. And you mean a lot to me. And I would really be hurt if something happened to you. And I will defend you. I really would. (Chris mumbles incoherently here)
 '''Kacey:''' But you never listen to me. You don't act like it. These are all just empty, meaningless words to me right now.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, y-I-I do listen to you.
 '''Kacey:''' No you don't! You haven't stopped eating McDonald's, you haven't gone jogging, you still play video games, you still ignore me. Name one thing that you do listen to me about. ONE thing.
 '''Chris:''' I did listen to you, on the fact that I should not go to McDonald's. And I have- (Interrupted)
 '''Kacey:''' But I know you've been eating at McDonald's.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I, uh, well, um, okay, yes, I was eating at McDonald's for a little while.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, and it's all fast food, you still go to fast food, I know you do.
 '''Chris:''' [[sigh|*stress sigh*]], I, okay, I have not gone to McDonald's for over a week.
 '''Kacey:''' Or ANY fast food.
 '''Chris:''' [[Lie|I have not gone to any fast food, have not eaten the fast food, for over a week.]] 
 '''Kacey:''' Then [[Semen|what]] have you been eating? What did you eat tonight?
 '''Chris:''' I have been-I have been eating mostly TV Dinners.
 '''Kacey:''' Like what? 
 '''Chris:''' Like Michelina, or Banquet.
 '''Kacey:''' [[Chris_and_health|Have you looked at the nutritional values of those]]? Most of those are like, 300% sodium. That's just as bad, if not worse, because sodium can be just as bad as fat. Why don't you freshly prepare some food? I mean, even getting something at a deli is better. You should be making meals, you said you could cook. Or was that a lie too?
 '''Chris:''' ...I can cook.
 '''Kacey:''' Then why don't you?
 '''Chris:''' Because I-because I don't have the individual ingredients at the time.
 '''Kacey:''' (incredulous)...Then go buy them.
 '''Chris:''' And I will. I'm going to buy the individual ingredients to make- to make da better food. 
 '''Kacey:''' Why haven't you already? I mean, if you can't even take the initiative to cook your food... I mean, why haven't you done this throughout your life?! Like, you're just lying to me again to make yourself look better, but I know you're never going to do it! I know you're not.
 '''Chris:''' I am. I am going to do it. I am going to do it. "[long, awkward pause]" I have been working on making myself better. I have been going out jogging.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, like, for like, what? Five minutes? I run five miles, 2.5 at the... least. I mean, you should be able to jog at least two miles by now if you were even trying. And you don't listen to- [Chris tries to speak over her, saying "I am trying."] me when I'm trying to tell you I'm worried about how you're probably losing muscle mass or anything. I mean-
 '''Chris:''' I do- I listen to you and like... I-I-I really ap'riciate your concern, but that concern makes me think, and it makes me act... Truly.
 '''Kacey:''' That's- I mean, I saw those [[11042009 51 50|videos when you were trying to lift lemonade...]] Those weren't fifty pounds. I mean, that's not even a workout, anyway, that's not even balanced. Get some real weights. I mean, that's just gonna hurt you, 'cuz you're displacing the weight.
[pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm going to get a pair of fifty pound weights...
 '''Kacey:''' Either way, it shouldn't have been that hard, I mean, you shouldn't have struggled with something that was like what, five, seven pounds?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well maybe I- Okay, I exa- I exa- I likely exaggerated when I said that they were each fifty.
 '''Kacey:''' That's a huge exaggeration! That's a ''big'' difference!
 '''Chris:''' They felt, like, more than twenty pounds apiece.
 '''Kacey:''' Kim said they were ten pounds. I'm not even sure if it's that much.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well... okay, I-I do not claim to actually know how many pounds one of those actually is...
 '''Kacey:''' Then you shouldn't have.
 '''Chris:''' But, it felt like at least twenty.
 '''Kacey:''' No it's not. I'm looking it up on Google right now and it says around eight, ten pounds. I mean, it's just [[Honor roll|simple math and conversion]].
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, how hard is it to look it up, so you don't look stupid?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're right, I could've- I could've looked it up. I just didn't- I did not think about that. I did not think of that. One of my faults, sometimes I don't think of everything.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, do you ever think, cause I'm starting to think you don't, because you've been making a ''lot'' of mistakes lately. And... it's really, really, making ''me'' think. I mean, I'm tired of the excuses.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm ti- I, I don't like excuses either.
 '''Kacey:''' Then why do you make them all the time? That's all you ever do.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Okay, maybe- okay. I have made some excuses in the past.
 '''Kacey:''' You make a ''lot'' of excuses in the past. You make any excuse, you ever do, it's always "[[THAT IS MY HOUSE|I'm working on it]]," or "I'm thinking about it," like, whenever you say stuff like that I know it's not going to get done. I mean, that's really bad, when... I already ''know'' you're not going to do anything by the words you say. You're just gonna continue to make excuses. You left me alone for several days after you heard how upset I was! The hell? You really think I want a boyfriend like that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you ta- yeah, you would not want a boyfriend like that. But, I ca-yeah, I mean I have, I realize that...
 '''Kacey:''' Exactly, so, you see what I'm saying. Right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I understand... what you are saying. And I could be better, and I am willing to improve.
 '''Kacey:''' Sssomehow, I don't really think you're going to.
 '''Chris:''' I am going to improve on that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you haven't yet, so... why would I believe you now?
 '''Chris:''' ''[long silence]'' Okay, you have every right to question that, but... please believe me, I mean, ya know, one thing that- ya know, I would be, I would be ''glad'' to be there for you, but... I don't know your address.
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't matter, you should be able to be there for me otherwise. You haven't earned that address. I mean, is that really all you've got? I mean... and after that comic, how wo- why would I want to give you my address? You're just going to shoot [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] or me anyway!
 '''Chris:''' I, I promise you, I would not shoot anybody for real. I do not even own a real gun.
 '''Kacey:''' Doesn't mean you couldn't get one, I could get a gun and I don't own one.
 '''Chris:''' I do not, I have no intention on getting a real gun in the near future.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, but it's so easy to get guns, do you remember the Virginia Tech shooter? It's easy. Doesn't matter, all you need to do is get mad again, then you'll just ignore me anyway.
 '''Chris:''' I promise you that I would not ignore you in the future, even when I get- even when I get... riled up, and angry and [mumbling], I would not ignore you.
 '''Kacey:''' I don't know, you've ignored me enough, don't you think it might be a little too late? I mean, that comic really scared me, I mean, I'm pretty sure... you shot him in the comic so he couldn't follow and take me back. I mean, that's just ''creepy''. That's psychotic. That's delusional.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I, I agree with you, that... I may have some issues to resolve with Chris. Like, you know, I definitely should... like, you know, try... to sit in front of him... and discuss things, calmly...
 '''Kacey:''' You think he's gonna do that after he saw that comic?!

== Part 2 ==
{{Template:Deletedvideo}}
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey, Part 2
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|Lmf1rD72zwI}}
| Stardate = 10 [[November 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Solid Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = [[#Part 3|Part 3]]
}}

 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, obviously he definitely has other skeletons in his closet-
 '''Kacey:''' This isn't about him; this isn't about him. This is about you. And I'm tired of you talking bad about him.
 '''Chris:''' OK, yeah. I don- I don't like talking bad about people, but-
 '''Kacey:''' But you do all the time!
 '''Chris:''' Well, only... just, only- ok, well.
 '''Kacey:''' Tell me again why you think you're better than him. Go ahead.
 '''Chris:''' Because I'm- because I'm loyal.
 '''Kacey:''' You're not very loyal; you haven't called me. You're not very honest; you lie to me all the time.
 '''Chris:''' Because I tell you- I tell you everything I'm- from my heart. And [when] I tell you I love you, I mean it.
 '''Kacey:''' That's lying. You can't even send me a simple email to make sure I'm OK. Like, I don't think you get how hurt and angry I am, so no, I want something that you're better at him at that is real, because your lies come from your heart too.
 '''Chris:''' [Stuttering incoherently for a rebuttal] Ok, I have made the mistake of lying at-
 '''Kacey:''' A lot.
 '''Chris:''' A lot, a lot, but a lot of the things that I have told you, in the past, were true. I swear, I have told you a lot of truth like you know, like when I tell you about myself on the kind of person I am, those are true. And how I feel about you, that's true, too.
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know that?
 '''Chris:''' And my hit-
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know you're not just ready to drop me, because it's easier, or something stupid?
 '''Chris:''' Because... we started out as friends, and I in-
 '''Kacey:''' That's right, friends.
 '''Chris:''' Well, hang on, hang on! We started out as friends with the possibility of a relationship, and I would like a relationship.
 '''Kacey:''' How would we start off as friend with the possibility of a relationship? You lied to me the first time you talked to me.
 '''Chris:''' OK, I did the things-
 '''Kacey:''' You pretended to be my boyfriend, my fiance.
 '''Chris:''' OK, I did pretend to be Chris. But that was in the case, to let you know, that he was who you- he was not who you thought he was. You know, he was- He ''was'' pretending to be me.
 '''Kacey:''' He wasn't pretending to be you! This is what I don't get. Stop saying he's pretending to be you. Just 'cause you guys have the same name doesn't mean he was pretending to be you, because you two are two totally different people.
 '''Chris:''' OK, yes, we are two totally different people, and I can list the whole number of things that I am and he's no- that he's not that he claims.
 '''Kacey:''' Whatever, I can list the whole things he does that you can't. He can play guitar. He doesn't lie to me. He jogs with me. He does stuff with me. He doesn't sit around and play video games. He has a job. He has a college education. He goes to school. I mean, wh- the hell? I mean, c'mon. Do it, do it. Sho- Tell me. Tell me what's he's not doing and I bet you I can refute everything.
 '''Chris:''' ''[stutters, then sighs]''
 '''Kacey:''' So you don't have anything, do you?
 '''Chris:''' Well... okay, well, I can definitely tell you that he did not go to Manchester High School.
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is he's in school now. And that he's gonna make himself better.
 '''Chris:''' He is... yes he is, okay, he is...
 '''Kacey:''' His high s- I told you before, high school doesn't matter to me, it's stupid.
 '''Chris:''' Well, you get your education through high school. You need your high school diploma to move on to college...
 '''Kacey:''' Not really, anyone can get their GED and blaze through it. What matters even more than high school education is like your SATs and your ACTs. College is what's important to me. Because that shows a future. I mean, I bet you don't even know what a GED is.
 '''Chris:''' I do know, I have a general idea of what a GED is. It's a sort of degree.
 '''Kacey:''' ...No... It's... in place of a diploma. I mean, did you even take the SAT?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I did take the SAT in high school.
 '''Kacey:''' What was your scores?
 '''Chris:''' ...I do not remember.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh come on, you've got to remember. Nobody forgets their SAT scores.
 '''Chris:''' It, uh, with a small detail like that, and I felt it was small... it was in one ear and out the other.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, was it- was it above 1100? Was it above 1200? Was it above... anything like that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, mmm... Ah, yeah, I think it, I think it was... over 1100. "[long pause]" But that's to the best of my recollection. [[Lie|I swear]].
 '''Kacey:''' So you had something over 1100, but you went to a community college. I mean, did- did you even try to get into a university? Not that I'm saying community colleges are bad, but, come on.
 '''Chris:''' I did- yeah well, yeah, my mom and dad advised me to go ''to'' the community college, because my family could not afford university.
 '''Kacey:''' That's... my- okay, okay, first off... you're on [[Monthly tugboat|disability]]. Government would have paid for your schooling, the end. That's just being lazy. Um, number two, financial aid and student loans. That would have been all on you, not on them. And the thing is, you... should at ''least'' have transferred to university ''after'' the community college cause community college is a stepping stone. Yes, it's a great way to get your classes for cheaper, but then you ''have'' to go to university to get, like, a bachelor's. I mean, did you even look into that?
 '''Chris:''' That had not come to mind. By the way, I ca- by the way, just to let you know, I did check with my mom and dad, I mean... yes, they were in for, of the, of the financial aid, but they...
 '''Kacey:''' Well then your parents should have done something about that, that just shows your parents didn't care about your future either. But it's not up to them. You should have done it, why didn't you use it? ''[talking over Chris]'' I wish I'd had financial aid right way.
 '''Chris:''' ''[sighs]'' Look. I would have taken the financial aid if I-if I could, but my mom and dad, there was a whole lot of stress going on in just starting out at the community college...
 '''Kacey:''' But you still... should have been able to do it later... ''[Chris stutters]'' Don't you overtalk me! Don't overtalk me. That's the thing, it's always stress, it's always stress this stress that. It...doesn't...''matter''. You should have been able to do something ''afterwards''. Even if you didn't do it right away, you should have been able to go to a four-year university afterwards, and gotten something better than just a little [[CADD]] certificate...whatever. An associate's doesn't do ''shit.'' I'm... I mean, like, I'm sick and tired of hearing you use the word "stress." You don't know stress. We've been through this before. You ''don't know'' what stress is.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I will not disagree with you...but on the...
 '''Kacey:''' You're damn ''straight'' you're not gonna disagree with me because you know I'm right! You don't have a job, you don't even- you don't have job stress. You..You sit around, play video games, and get... ''money''. If your life was a hundred times more stressful than it is now, you still wouldn't have as much stress as I do, you wouldn't have as much stress as...my ''[[Chandler cats|cat]]'', probably.
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' Yeah, y-you're probably right.
 '''Kacey:''' You're damn straight I'm right! I mean, you take days off where you don't do anything except color or play video games. "[pause]" I mean, I don't think you get... that all you have shown me the whole time I've known you, is that you don't want to do anything unless it's easy. You want everything to be handed ''to'' you. And if you haven't noticed, I'm kind of ambitious. Why would I want someone like that?
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' Yeah, you're right. I would not want, uh... I would, if I was to... go out with a woman, I, ah, would want one who was a go-getter. And you...
 '''Kacey:''' But the thing is, don't you think go-getters want ''other'' go-getters? Why would I want someone who's just gonna lay at home and suck up my money? I mean, cause that's all it would be, instead of sucking up the government's money you'd be sucking up my money. And, uh, I'm not sure I'd like that. At all. I mean, I don't want to have to take care of someone until I have kids, and you're ''definitely'' not my kid.
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' I can definitely, be able- I can definitely take care of myself.
 '''Kacey:''' No you can't! You don't have a job. Can't take care of yourself without a job. My job is hanging on a thread, and I'm still doing way better than you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, you're doing... way better than me. You know a lot more than I do.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, seriously, tell me: without your parents, could you survive?
 '''Chris:''' I would do my best to survive, and... I think I would get by.
 '''Kacey:''' Really. Your best. Because, I mean... what kind of bills do you think need to be paid off every month?
 '''Chris:''' ''[long pause]'' Yeah... electric, water, heating... that sort of thing.
 '''Kacey:''' ''[pause]'' Um, how about car insurance? Um, [[Television|cable?]]
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, car, um...
 '''Kacey:''' Rent? Property? You got taxes? Um, trash pickup if you have trash? Recycling if you have recycling? Oh, and don't forget any repairs.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, there is all that.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, how much do you get a month again? Like, what, 600?
 '''Chris:''' No, I'm ge- I'm getting... about 800 a month right now.
 '''Kacey:''' Still, my bills are slightly larger than that. I mean, you couldn't survive on your own. And, I mean, these are my bills with ''roommates.'' I don't think you could survive without your parents. You can't even move out! And even if you could move out, you wouldn't have anybody to move out ''with''! That's, that's insane!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that is insane. And I...
 '''Kacey:''' Then why haven't you done something about it?! I have been living out on my own since I was eighteen, nineteen. You are twenty-seven! And you haven't moved out yet!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well one reason is- yeah, I don't have anybody to move out... with.
 '''Kacey:''' I moved out with ''nothing.'' I moved out with no job, hardly any money, without a car, and I still survived. And I got myself a job, and I got myself a car.
 '''Chris:''' Well I mean...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, find someone, there's people in craigslist, the newspapers, um universities, everywhere. You can find something. You can find someone who, will just rent a room. And then you don't even need to be around that person. I mean, Hell, you could probably get housing.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, "[stutters] That's true, but ah... If I move out that's actually- I think I could be able to move out.. with my girlfriend. I don't, I mean, I wouldn't want just some other, I don't think- I just wouldn't feel comfortable-
 '''Kacey:''' "[cuts in]" But be realistic Chris, I mean.
 '''Chris:''' with some kind of stranger...
 '''Kacey:''' You need to know how to live on your own before you go into a relationship. Because if you go straight into, living out with a relationship, it's going to put a strain on there. I mean, you need to know how to deal with strangers, you need to know how to live on your own. I mean if you can't take care of yourself, you can't expect to be in a relationship. You'll just drag it down.
 

== Part 3 ==
{{Template:Deletedvideo}}
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey, Part 3
| audio = {{#ev:youtube|u2D74OGq_jQ}}
| Stardate = 10 [[November 2009]]
| Featuring = [[Chris]], [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
| next = Final
}}

 '''Kacey:''' Besides, I mean, you shouldn't move out with someone right away anyway, so you should probably live on your own first. I mean, besides, if you keep acting the way you're acting, you aren't likely to get a girlfriend anyway. Besides, if you had your own place to be, it'd be easier, because then there'd be a place for her to move and normally it's the girl who moves in with the guy. [obvious sounds of Kacey being tired from wailing on Chris so much] And ''besides,'' if you can't even take care of that, how do you expect to take care of a daughter... Which you keep dreaming about. I mean, are you expecting to just marry someone rich?
[''slight pause'']
 '''Chris:''' No, I do not... I- [cut off by Kacey]
 '''Kacey:''' Then how are you gonna take care of her? How are you gonna take care of a daughter?
 '''Chris:''' [[Chris_and_Reality|One day at a time.]]
 '''Kacey:''' No, there is no one day at a time. You-You... There is no one day at a time. You do that, you're going to [[Obesity|starve.]] You need ''plans.'' I mean, that's like Alcoholics Anonymous, that's not living.
 '''Chris:''' [[Alcohol|Well, I mean, at least I don't go out and get drunk every night.]] I don't do that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you know what, at least those drunks could pay for their drinks. You couldn't even do that! I mean, are you just trying to make yourself look good?
 '''Chris:''' [incoherent mumbling, sounds like he's repeating what Kacey just asked him] Yeah...
 '''Kacey:''' Well, stop! It's-It's... I mean, that's- uh, that's stupid!
 '''Chris:''' Well, wait, uh-
 '''Kacey:''' You're comparing apples to oranges!
 '''Chris:''' Okay, wait, maybe I'm misunderstanding the ques- maybe I misunderstood the question. You just said, I mean, I thought you said, uh, "[...]trying to make myself look good."
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, you're just trying to make yourself look good by comparing yourself to someone you think is worse than you. But, I mean, you're not going to be able to always do that. That's not adult.
 '''Chris:''' [completely skipping over the latter half of her last statements] Oooh, yeah, okay, yeah, now I understand. I just, mm... okay. Mmmm... Yeah. Mmm... Yeah, but, that is, uh, that is kind of a lame deal.
 '''Kacey:''' Besides, at this point, they're probably better than you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're pro'lly- Yeah... You're right. A lot of people are better than me. Uh... In situations of being able to take care of him or herselves... Themselves.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, so obviously you're never gonna be able to take care of anyone. Why would girls want that? Girls want [[Liquid_Chris|real men.]] They want somebody who's gonna give them comfort and security. Not saying that the girl shouldn't be making money, too, and helping out, but I mean, nobody wants somebody who's just going to, [sigh] to, just, lay there and do nothing!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, oh-kay, look at what I'm being offered with Chris. Look at what I'm being offered with you. If you were me, what would you do?
 '''Chris:''' Mm... Yeah... Probably go to one that's better. But... Lemme just ask you- I mean, I know it's not about Chris, lemme ask you, have you actually ''checked'' his back- his background and actually seen where he works? 
 '''Kacey:''' ''Yes!'' And that's why he- I know he's honest with me! And it doesn't matter anyway, you just said it's not about him, but then you made it about him. I mean, I've been to a company lunch with him.
 '''Chris:''' Well, um, I was just askin'. I was just askin'.
 '''Kacey:''' So, I mean, seriously, once again, I mean, who do you think would be the better one?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, [[Liquid_Chris|him.]]
 '''Kacey:''' Exactly, so why-why do you think I would even give you a chance after all the lies and all the ch-shit you put me through? You ignored me.
 '''Chris:''' I lis- I listen to your every word, I ''did...'' I-I-Okay, well...
 [''Chris and Kacey talk over each other, Kacey comes out victorious'']
 '''Kacey:''' If you listen to it, you definitely didn't do anything about it. I mean, stop lying.
 '''Chris:''' I have been exercising, I have been... going out walking and jogging.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, for five minutes. Not good enough. Totally not good enough.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, not good en-could be better. Could be better.
 '''Kacey:''' Could be ''a LOT'' better. I mean, working is not good enough if you don't push yourself. Then you're not really working on it. Then you're just kinda coasting through it. You're just kinda being half-assed. Do I really seem like the girl who needs someone half-assed?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're not the... kinda girl that would want somebody who's... half-assed.
 [''pause lasting 21 seconds'']
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, just... [sigh] Right now, in my eyes, you're just a horrible human being. You leech off [[Monthly_Tugboat|everyone.]] And I can't stand that, for one, you don't even know the principles of your religion right, which is extremely important to me. You've insulted and hurt my fiancé beyond anything, then you've insulted and hurt me, you've ignored me, you think ''he's'' more important, you've disrespected everyone on [[Twin_Falling_Towers|9/11,]] when, of course, nothing touches YOU, you insulted my father, you insulted my family... You- I mean, you compared my grandmother dying to a [[Patti-chan|DOG.]] A ''dog.'' A mangy, dirty dog. I mean. Oh. My. [[Godjesus#Concept_of_God_.28or:_GodJesus.29|GOD.]]
 '''Chris:''' [obviously jumping over everything Kacey just said yet again] Patti was not a mangy, dirty dog... She was a member of my family.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, well, that still doesn't mean that she's like my grandmother dying in a terrorist attack. She still a damned dog. I mean, I love my cats and everything, but they're still cats! She was still a damn dog. I mean, fuck you for even COMPARING that to my grandmother dying.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well- kay...
 '''Kacey:''' You don't understand life, you don't understand [[Chris_and_Death|death,]] obviously. 
 '''Chris:''' I do understand death. It hurts...
 '''Kacey:''' The thing is, you don't understand. I mean, you're not even going to live to see thirty. Why would I wanna be with someone who I know is going to be dead in four years? Three years? I mean... [sigh] I wouldn't even give you five years. My family hates you, you're lying to me, you're nasty to my friends, you lie to my friends. I mean, don't think I don't know that you don't lie to Kim. Don't think I don't know that you don't lie to me! I don't think you'd have luck with anyone, to tell you the truth. So you can not tell me that you want me to be with you or that you love me because you're just gonna die wasting your life playing video games and doing nothing. I mean, even though a [[CADD]] degree isn't much, you haven't done anything with it. You've wasted your life. You've wasted your life and you think you're good enough to date anyone, including me? I mean, you're frickin' weak-willed, you're not even good enough for society. You- I don't think you're ever gonna get anything, you can't fight for what you want. You definitely didn't fight for me, so you know what? I don't need this at all. This is totally not what I need. I mean, fuck you, I don't even wanna be friends, because you are a total waste of space. I mean, you disrespect everyone. And you know what? I'm getting married tomorrow, 2PM. You know what, and it's all thanks to you, cause if it weren't for you being such an [[Nudes|ass,]] I wouldn't see what a great person Chris is and how much he really does love me 'cause I had someone to compare him to, who doesn't give a [[DIRTY,_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|shit]] about me, who only loves his video games and himself. So you know what? You- Just- You know what? I don't even care because I don't even have anything to say to you because you know what, won't hurt about this, [[Red Letter CWC Certified Day|you'll be over this by tomorrow]]. I will never see anything that shows you're even hurt by this or you even care! So you know what, I'm going to go ahead and get married tomorrow. I'm gonna be happy and I'm gonna live my life and you know what, you're gonna be doing the same thing in five years. If you're not dead. I mean, I'd recommend talking to someone about that. Y'should probably call up, you know, an institution, therapy, something, because, I mean, you're gonna be the five- doing the same thing in five minutes. I bet you I will never be mentioned again by you. You're not gonna be upset. You're not gonna do anything. I bet you anything I'm gonna see a new video being like, "Oh, who the hell was Kacey? I'm going after..." I don't even care anymore. I. Don't. Care. I'm getting married tomorrow. I'm gonna be happy, so you know what? Go do whatever because you know what, just fuck you, you're just gonna go off with someone else because, I mean, you've already shown me that, you've already shown me that, sooo... Have fun making a video about meeting a new girlfriend, because I'm done.
 '''Chris:''' Ugh...
 '''Kacey:''' Peace out.
 [''tape ends'']

{{FanChats}}

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]|nextlink=[[The End For Real (Kacey call)]]|Final]]}}

==Links==

[http://www.mediafire.com/?ndn74hjg72t3bb8 Download call (MP3)]

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Kacey and Liquid Call

2011-03-14T02:18:26Z

Liquid!:

[[File:0782-CWCSpread.JPG|thumb|''Fattus goddammus'' (Fat goddammit)]]

On 11 [[November 2009]], [[Bryan Bash]] leaked another phone call to [[/cwc/]].

A follow-up to the original [[Father Call]] bombshell, this call between [[Kacey]] and Solid Chris ([[Ian Brandon Anderson]]) mostly consists of Solid trying to defend his actions in [[Sonichu Special 4|''Sonichu Special'' #4]] and life in general until [[Liquid Chris]] arrives. At that point Solid, loses it, and the conversation degenerates into a shouting match.

[[Bob]] and [[Barb]] Chandler also make an appearance as Chris hides behind his mother's (and father's) skirt.

==Summary==

===="You ''shot'' him!" (00:00-09:29)====
Chris asks Kacey if she got the [[Sonichu Special 4|comic]] that he sent her. Kacey expresses horror over the fact that - in said comic - Chris ''shoots'' Liquid. Chris defends himself by noting both that he shot Liquid only in the legs and that Liquid was coming after him with a knife. Kacey doesn't understand why Chris didn't just produce one of his usual [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] stories. Chris replies that he'd thought that this comic should be closer to real life, though he immediately thereafter backpedals to note that he doesn't own a gun in real life. When this account fails to appease Kacey, Chris offers to retcon the offending page out of the comic entirely. Kacey explains to Chris that redrawing the scene won't change the fact that he's demonstrably crazy enough to want to shoot her boyfriend. In a final word of defense, Chris suggests that Liquid is similarly insane.

===="It's a very simple question!" (9:30-13:14)====
In addition to upsetting her with his latest comic, Chris has disappointed Kacey by breaking his promises to clean his room and get into shape. When Kacey asks Chris if he's been jogging five miles a day, there's a long pause before Chris replies that he has. After further interrogation, Chris modifies his answer to say that he has been jogging one-and-a-half miles a day, but that he ''could'' be jogging five. When Kacey points out that Chris was just claiming that he has ''in fact'' been jogging five miles a day, Chris insists that he had simply misunderstood her question.

===="That's ''not'' volunteer work!" (13:15-17:14)====
Since - like Chris himself - the argument over how much Chris jogs is going nowhere, Kacey moves on to discuss further evidence of Chris's sloth. Exhibit B: Chris's ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' date level was originally made for [[Julie|another girl]]. Chris's peculiar defense: that doesn't matter because said other girl turned out to be [[BlueSpike|a dude]]. Kacey then accuses Chris of playing video games when he could've been working on his comic for her, at which point Chris briefly 'TARDS OUT. Thereafter, the hits from Kacey come fast and furious: Chris accomplishes nothing despite not going to school, not working, and not having any friends. Chris replies that although he's not working, he ''is'' filling out job applications. When Kacey questions the existence of Chris's work history, Chris claims that his time spent playing ''Pokémon'' with children counts as volunteer work.

====Father Knows Best (17:15 - 19:50)====
Kacey states that her [[Father Call|father is right]] and that she should be with Liquid. She states that she hated the apology video, calling it fake, and that Ian's behavior was like that of a spoiled brat. Ian responds harshly, saying that he really cried. Kacey finally sees the light, saying that Ian only wants her [[China|for]] [[Chris and Sex|one]] [[Crystal Weston Chandler|thing]] and that he just wanted to take her away from Liquid to spite him. She reveals that Solid Chris told her not to talk to Liquid or see him again. Ian is either trying to be smooth or trying to [[Chris and psychology|guilt]] her into giving up by saying the first thing he thinks of when he thinks of her is what a great [[Gal pal|friend]] she is.

====Sonichu di Casanova (19:51 -22:40)====
Ian begins talking quietly, in small, generic sentences about how much he cares about [[China|her]]. He says that if someone were to shoot Kacey, he would be sad. Ian states how she has been nothing but good to him. Kacey declares she hates liars. Apparently, the first time they met, he did nothing but stare at Kacey's chest and insult her. Ian declares he was looking at her face, and ignores the fact that he called her fat. She points out that her face isn't under her shirt.

====Here Come the Drums (22:41-30:17)====
Things turn truly interesting when [[CChanSonichuCWC|the real Chris]] picks up the phone on Kacey's end. Solid and Liquid yell over each other for quite a while. Kacey accuses Ian of forging his driver's license and he denies being fat. In the middle of conversation, Solid goes into 'tard rage mode and yells at Liquid and Kacey. Liquid is going to the police with the [[Sonichu Special 4|gun comic]].

===="Stop being crazy!" (30:18-35:40)====
Kacey doesn't think Ian is [[Autism|autistic]]. Solid invites Liquid over, but Kacey warns him that he will get shot. It is revealed that Liquid and Kacey were making passionate love at [[14 Branchland Court]]. Solid is enraged. Kacey thinks that Ian doesn't care about her, and that he is too busy being Chris.

====Grand Finale (35:41 and onward)====
Kacey's dad likes Liquid, not Solid. Liquid will turn [[Sonichu]] into a real franchise. Liquid has a job. Ian whines about truth and honesty. He wakes up his parents at midnight to scare off [[trolls]] on the phone. Barbara calls Kacey a bitch. Kacey tells Ian to fuck off. Liquid and Kacey will get married. Solid will chase Liquid down and prove him as the liar.

==Transcript==

'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey, Chris! It's Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' Hey, Kacey. How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' [''draws air through teeth''] Um... I'm okay.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Mmm. So, did you get the, uh, comic pages I sent ya?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah! Um... I'm a little ''disturbed'' by the ''violence'' in it. You— You— You ''shot'' Chris!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Only in the ''legs''. So he wouldn't g— So he wouldn’t co— So he wouldn't chase after us.
 '''Kacey:''' But that's— That's horrible! That's really horrible! Like, he'd be in a wheelchair! Like, he wouldn't do that to you!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well... Okay, well... I'm sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' Like, why did you think that was ''appropriate''? Otherwise, I mean, it was good, but... [''briefly cries and sniffles'']
 '''Kacey:''' I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean, like...
 '''Kacey:''' —he's a lot ''nicer'' than that. You're trying to make yourself look better than him, but you ''shot'' him!
 '''Chris:''' Well, he came after me— Well, I pretty much drew him coming after me with a ''knife''!
 '''Kacey:''' Bu— But— But ''still'', I mean, haven't you ever heard that it's more ''honorable'' to— To kill a man than to cripple him? And, I mean, it— I mean, it's your comic! You drew it!
 '''Chris:''' Mmm... Well...I didn't really ''want'' to ''kill'' him. I mean, I didn’t wa— I-I don't... Would you rather have— I have actually shot him ''dead'' instead of just...shooting him in the ''legs''?
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I-I'd rather you—
 '''Chris:''' Or—
 '''Kacey:''' —not have shot him at ''all'', but, I mean, I'm just ''saying'': it’s like, why did you have to make it so violent? Like, normally, in your comics, you, like, ''transform'' into Chris-chan Sonichu and beat them that way. Like, I've ''never'' seen you, like, attempt to ''kill'' somebody...in a ''comic'' before!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Uh, well, I mean, I just felt like in the… I mean, I just felt like I should be more...I don't know...more real— ''realistic'' in...''these'' pages, ‘cause it's more close to real ''life'', uh—
 '''Kacey:''' So, you're saying that—
 '''Chris:''' —y’know—
 '''Kacey:''' —you would shoot him in real life?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, in se— In self-''defense''! Mmm... I mean, yeah, my— In that— In— Y’know, seriously, though, I mean, like, y’know... In real life, I ''would'' appre— I would, uh, try— I would, uh—
 '''Kacey:''' Where would you get a gun, anyway?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm... Well, I don’t— I do not currently own a real gun. I do not own a real gun. I drew that gun based off— Based off the, uh— Based off...Generation 1 Megatron.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Oh. Okay, so, you're basing...shooting him...on— On...''Transformers''? What?
 '''Chris:''' Uh...no. Y’see, I have the— I have the, uh, actual toy for, uh, Generation 1 Megatron. Y’know, where he actually transforms into a P38 pistol with the, uh, accessories on it?
 '''Kacey:''' I know, but you shot him with a ''real'' gun in the comic. Like— Like...he was my boyfriend and you shot him! I mean, don't you think that I still care about him ''a little''? That's just weird. I just— I mean, like— I was expecting, like— you know, like, a magical fight, not like...you ''shooting'' him. [''laughs incredulously'']
 '''Chris:''' Mmm... [''smacks lips''] Well... Well, I did not realize you want— You wanted me to...cute it up a little— Cute it up a little bit in that sense. I mean, you wanted me to rescue you, and I...didn't really want— I just didn’t really feel like, uh...cute— That cute— That, uh— That...whole transformation thing was ''appropriate''.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, uh, neither is shooting him! I mean, you can't change that! You already did that! I mean, this is the comic; I realize it’s the comic. It's supposed to be...like, ''not'' shooting people; it’s supposed to be like...the ''Sonichu''...comic. But, I mean, you— You shot him.
 '''Chris:''' Well...it's not officially ''published'' yet. I mean, I only— I mean, I can— I can change that ''page''. I can ''change'' that. I can fix that.
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' I can...get rid of the gun, and just... Yeah, maybe— Yeah, may— Yeah, I can make it less viol— ''Violent''. Okay?
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Um... I mean, but you already did it. I mean, what's done is done.
 '''Chris:''' Well, yeah, but— Yeah, but I can change that page. I can redraw it.
 '''Kacey:''' But you already did it. The images are already in my head!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Um... Okay, well, I'm sorry for— I did not mean for it to—
 '''Kacey:''' But Chris, that's crazy! I mean, that’s insane! You're— You’re calling...''Chris'' crazy, but ''that's'' insane. I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Well—
 '''Kacey:''' —it doesn't change the fact that you wanted to ''shoot'' him.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' I— Yeah, I guess it doesn't. Mmm...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, I don't feel ''comfortable'' with people like that. I mean, ''I'm'' going to school to ''save'' lives. Do you think I would approve of that? I mean, ''hell'' no! That’s crazy!
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well... Yeah, okay. Yeah. I could’ve done it better; I could’ve done it less violent. I'm sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' [''growing hysterical''] If you were sorry, you wouldn't have done it in the first place! I mean, like, you drew him...there...in ''pain'', and you're just ''watching'' him ''bleed'', and then you ''leave'' him! Like, uh— Like, what happens if you do that in real life? He'd die! Don't you think I would be miserable?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... No, actually, I would have called 9-1-1 on him. Y’know...bring the police and the ambulance around.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay...and be what? Be like, "''I'' shot ''him''"? They're gonna arrest you! You're gonna call 9-1-1 on yourself? Violence doesn’t solve anything. I mean, you could’ve not shot him in the first place! 'Cause the police are just gonna go after ''you'' then. And— And then, there would be none of ''either'' of you.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. You’re right. You’re right.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean— And especially, where you ''shot'' him, like in the ''legs''? Hello? Gravity! He's gonna lose blood a lot quicker!
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Alright, well... Like I said, I can— I can— I can redraw that, ’cause, y’know, uh...it's not published anywhere. It's not published anywhere. It's like, yeah, I can— I can...undo that. I can redraw that page. I can change that.
 '''Kacey:''' No, I don't want you to redraw it! I don't want you to redraw it. Okay? It's already done. It— It's— I have no words to describe it. I mean...[''exhales angrily''] like...th— You did this...after the thing with my ''father'', and he told my ''brother'' about it, and my ''sister'' about it. Like, my whole ''family'' is against you. They think ''you're'' crazy. I mean, this is about your intentions, and now, what am I— What's gonna happen if, like...somebody ''sees'' this? They're gonna think you're ''insane''!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well...nobody ''has''— Nobody ''else'' has to see it.
 '''Kacey:''' But what happens if they did? I ''don't'' get why you had to shoot my boyfriend. What the hell?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well...my— In my defense, uh...''he'' was crazy, too.
 '''Kacey:''' But he didn't ''shoot'' you!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, ''he's'' not crazy. He at least has police reports saying what happened to him, and I ''totally'' believe him. I mean, he can't ''fake'' that. And, I mean, I can't believe you ''did'' that. And, I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Okay! Okay, okay. Okay, Kacey?
 '''Kacey:''' And I was ''starting'' to believe in you again, even though...''you'' do all these things, like: you never clean your room; you never made the song; you didn't stop eating fast food, ’cause I ''totally'' know about the whole McDonald’s thing. So—
 '''Chris:''' Okay—
 '''Kacey:''' —I mean—
 '''Chris:''' —see, I-I-I— Okay. Well, I ''have'' d— I ''have'' done some room cleaning. I mean, I-I—
 '''Kacey:''' You were supposed to have it done, like, a ''month ago''! And you ''still'' can't ''jog'', or work out, or whatever...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I-I-I am! I ''have'' been jogging. I ''have'' been working out. I ''have'' been doing all that.
 '''Kacey:''' Five miles a day?
 [''long pause'']
 '''Chris:''' I have.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' You— You've been jogging ''five'' miles a day? Seriously...you're ''lying'' to me. I need ''proof'' for this.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' I mean—
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' —I bet you don't have the gym membership or ''anything''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, not ''yet'' on the gym membership; I'm jogging arou— Um, I’m jogging around the ''neighborhood''.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but I doubt it's for ''five miles''. You're seriously doing five miles? Come on.
 '''Chris:''' It’s like... Okay—
 '''Kacey:''' You complained—
 '''Chris:''' —it’s like, over—
 '''Kacey:''' —to my ''father'' about ''pulling weeds''. I ''doubt''...you're gonna do five miles.
 '''Chris:''' I can do five miles, Kacey.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay—
 '''Chris:''' I can jog five miles.
 '''Kacey:''' —have you— Have you— Did you do it today? ’Cause you told me you're—
 '''Chris:''' I jog—
 '''Kacey:''' —doing it every day, so obviously, you did it ''today''?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I did it today. I jogged...''once'' around the neighborhood. That's about one-and-a-half miles. I could jog more than that, and, uh, jog up to ''five'' miles. I can do that.
 '''Kacey:''' No, you said you j— You just told me that you jogged five miles every day. You're lying to me ''already''? To my face?
 '''Chris:''' No, no. Okay, okay, wait. We had a ''miscommunication''...alright?
 '''Kacey:''' No, you said "''yes''". ''I'' said "Do ''you'' jog five miles every day?", and you said "''yes''". That's not miscommunication; that's ''lies''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay, well, I mis— I misunderstood the ''question''. I thought you said—
 '''Kacey:''' [''speaking rapidly''] How can you misunderstand the question? It's a very simple question! I wasn't asking it to you in Japanese!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Alright. But anyway, yeah, I have been jogging one-and-a-half miles every day.
 '''Kacey:''' ''Bullshit!'' Kim and I talked about how much you "jog". I ''know'' you don't jog.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I do.
 '''Kacey:''' Five minutes isn't jogging. You can’t even do enough to get your ''heart'' rate up.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I can.
 [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' ''No'', you can't.
 '''Chris:''' And I do.
 '''Kacey:''' You just sit around and play video games. You haven't done anything you said you were gonna do for me, and then you— You show a comic with you ''shooting people''! And— And— And— And...I'm supposed to be like "Yay! Thank you!"?
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Well, yeah, I— Okay, well, I admit I was wrong in drawing that. And...I cannot undo it, but...okay, well, what can I do to make up for that?
 '''Kacey:''' For what? The comic? Jogging? It— It's too late. You— I mean, it's ''done''.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, we're— Well, we’re talking ’bout for the comic, still, here. What can I do to make up for that?
 '''Kacey:''' You shot someone! You can't make up for it. I'm gonna remember that! That's creepy! That's insane!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' You’re right...
 '''Kacey:''' ''Besides''— And ''I'' found out that ''you'' didn't ''even'' make that date level for me. I heard you made it for another girl. That's ''so'' disrespectful.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, in my defense, I thought when I— Uh, before I-I later found out that that...quote/unquote "girl" was actually a ''dude''.
 '''Kacey:''' ''Doesn't matter.'' No wonder you said it was so easy: ’cause you already had it ''done''!
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' But— But— But ''still'', the— But still-
 '''Kacey:''' That's not the point!
 '''Chris:''' —I created the whole new level of—
 '''Kacey:''' No wonder you didn’t want to do the comic! You probably weren't even gonna do the comic, besides when I kept...''bitching'' at you.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Well, I did...[''stutters unintelligibly''] I did the comic! I did.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, ''eventually''...
 '''Chris:''' I had— I had it ''started'', and I had it mostly done! I finished coloring it today, and I-I-I sent it to you.
 '''Kacey:''' But you even ''put'' in the video that you were doing this in— Instead of a comic because it was easier. You just wanted to play more video games.
 '''Chris:''' Well... Okay, well, ba— [''stress sighs''] Well, I m— I mis''worded'' that. I meant— I m— I meant to say "in ''addition'' to the comic." Okay?
 '''Kacey:''' No... I think you weren’t gonna do it. I think you were lying.
 '''Chris:''' [''starts 'tarding out''] NO, I WAS— NO, I WAS— NO, I HAD— I HAD IT...[''calms back down''] already— I had it ''started'', after I had— I ''had'' started. I started on it ''after'' I did the level. And then, I— And I had it almost done. I just— Just needed to color in the f-final pages today. And I did that! And—
 '''Kacey:''' Well then, you should’ve said that. And don’t you ''dare'' fucking...raise your voice at me. I mean, why couldn't you have done it? You could’ve finished it in less than a day; you don't even have a ''job''. You don't ''do'' anything.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I...[''stress sighs''] I ''am'' doing something; I ''am'' working—
 '''Kacey:''' Like what?
 '''Chris:''' I ''am'' working on—
 '''Kacey:''' What do you—
 '''Chris:''' I ''have'' done—
 '''Kacey:''' What do you have to do all day? You don't go to school like I do; you don't go to ''work'' like I do.
 '''Chris:''' But I am working on ''getting''—
 '''Kacey:''' You obviously don't go out with ''friends'' like I do!
 '''Chris:''' I'm filling out the onli— I'm filling out the ''applications'', so I can work— So, I'm ''working'' on getting a job!
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't take all day. I've been putting in applications to get a new job. It takes me, like, five minutes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Actually, for me, it— Actually, for me, it takes, like, about ten or twenty minutes.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Well, y’know, you filling out something should be fairly easy ’cause you don't really have any ''work'' history. It takes, like, ''five'' minutes when you don't.
 '''Chris:''' No, actually, I ''do'' have the work ''history''. And I listed it in my resume.
 [''pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but nobody wants to hear about.. fucking...Sonichu and Rosechu. That's not a good way to get a job!
 '''Chris:''' There's more— I mean, y’know, c’mon— There's more to it than...''that''. There's the, uh...''time at Wendy’s''. And then, I worked at—
 '''Kacey:''' You got fired. That's not good either.
 '''Chris:''' And definitely— And definitely did the volunteer work at the— For the ''Pokémon Trading Card Game'' League.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s ''not'' volunteer work! That does ''not'' count as volunteer work. Like, that’s not community service!
 '''Chris:''' It ''was'' volunteer work.
 '''Kacey:''' That does ''not'' count as volunteer work. I ''promise'' you that if ''you'' needed volunteer work for something, that would ''not'' count; that is ''not'' community service. I mean, you were already there to ''play'' ''Pokémon''? That’s ''not'' community service; that's ''babysitting''.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, well... Yes, okay, well, that ''was'' babysitting, but it was ''volunteer'' babysitting.
 '''Kacey:''' [''nearly laughing in disbelief''] Still. Not. Community. Service. Community service is like [[Wikipedia:Candy striper|''candy'' striping]], helping out with the ''humane'' society, going and ''reading'' to people in old folks’ homes, planting some ''trees''! Uh, uh, um... ''Humanity''— Uh, the— Habitat for ''Humanity''! ''That's'' community service: things that actually contribute to society. ''Pokémon'' does not contribute to society.
 [''long pause'']
 '''Kacey:''' You know, my dad's totally right. You're fucking insane. And I should be with Chris, because you totally opened my eyes.
 '''Chris:''' Don't say that... Don't say that, that just makes me... That just makes me feel bad... I do not mean to give off the impression of being crazy.
 '''Kacey:''' But you're being selfish, you won't do anything for me. Okay, yeah, you finally made the comic, but then you— Oh, my God. I mean, you were so nasty to my family, you just— You don't even seem apologetic at all. I mean, that whole video you made sounded so fake. That was like what my little sister does when she doesn't get her way, like a spoiled retarded brat.
 '''Chris:''' [''whining''] THAT WAS TRUE, I CRIED. I DID CRY.
 '''Kacey:''' Those weren't even REAL TEARS.
 '''Chris:''' THEY WERE REAL.
 '''Kacey:''' NO, THEY WERE NOT. Don't raise your voice, seriously. That is what Kara does when she doesn't get her way.
 '''Chris:''' Those were real tears.
 '''Kacey:''' No, they weren't. I really think my dad's right, I think you just want me so you can fuck me and take me from Chris, 'cause you're jealous of Chris.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, that's not it.
 '''Kacey:''' YOU ARE JEALOUS. You told me not to talk to him anymore, you told me not to see him. The hell is up with that? That's my BOYFRIEND. I mean, that was like, he's the love of my life. You just want Crystal or something. You mentioned that to my dad, that creeped my dad OUT. And then you couldn't even give my dad a reason you're better than him. What am I supposed to think? I mean, what are you thinking about when you think of me, tell me right now. What are you thinking about when you think of me?
 '''Chris:''' I think about, like...how good of a friend you are. And how I care about you very much. 
 '''Kacey:''' A friend? Chris...
 '''Chris:''' And how you care about me.
 '''Kacey:''' A friend? You just said "a friend," that sounds like a stalker. Come on, seriously, what do you think about me? How do you care about me?
 '''Chris:''' I care about you very much.
 '''Kacey:''' How? Not how big.
 '''Chris:''' I worry about you—
 '''Kacey:''' You worry about me HOW? Maybe you should be more worried about me hanging around people who would SHOOT PEOPLE.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I care about your safety and well-being, and if someone shot you, I would care about you and feel sad...
 '''Kacey:''' Did you just say if someone would SHOOT ME?
 '''Chris:''' In my defense—
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe YOU'LL shoot me if I pissed you off. Come on.
 '''Chris:''' I would not shoot you.
 '''Kacey:''' Why not? You're obviously just— UGH!!!
 '''Chris:''' I do not even have a real gun.
 '''Kacey:''' But that's unstable, that is SO unstable.
 '''Chris:''' ...Okay. Okay, I guess it is. I guess it is unstable. But...Kacey, I... When I think about you, I think about, like, the sweetest, kindest woman I've ever known in my life, who's been nothing but helpful to me.
 '''Kacey:''' So, then why are you gonna treat my family like that? Why are you gonna treat my boyfriend like that? Why are you gonna treat people I know like that? You lie to me and Kim all the time, and Kim's one of my best friends now.
 [''dramatic pause'']
 '''Chris:''' Because I'm not... Sometimes, I'm not sure what to say. And—
 '''Kacey:''' So you lie? Because that's gonna be good... Why would you lie to your friends? Lying to your friends isn't good.
 '''Chris:''' I'm most of... I mean...most of the time I'm honest. And when I do lie, it's a little lie.
 '''Kacey:''' No, there's no such thing as "little lies", all of them are big lies, especially... Me? I hate lies when you don't need to lie about them; stupid lies are the worst lies. I'd rather have a huge big lie than a little lie. You lie ALL THE TIME. That's pathetic.
 '''Chris:''' I do not lie all the time, I lie ''some'' of the time.
 '''Kacey:''' And I mean you, like— Come on, you're lucky I gave you this much of a chance. First time you met me, all you did was stare at my chest and insult me. I mean, I can't understand how you called me fat and the— On the other hand, you were staring at me the whole time.
 '''Chris:''' I was looking at your face, I was staring at your face.
 '''Kacey:''' My face is not down there, I'm not that short.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, I— [''Liquid interrupts'']
 '''Liquid:''' Hey, baby, I'm home.
 '''Chris:''' I was looking at your face...
 '''Liquid:''' Who are you talking to? Hmm... Lemme pick up the phone here. Hey, who's this?
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Liquid:''' Hmm...
 '''Chris:''' Hello? ... Yeah—
 '''Liquid:''' Hey, wait a minute. Ugh, is this who I think it is?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, it is.
 '''Liquid:''' Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson?
 '''Chris:''' No, my name is Christian Weston Chandler.
 '''Liquid:''' No, it's not. MY name is Christian Weston Chandler and YOU are Ian Brandon Anderson. What are you doing talking to Kacey?
 '''Chris:''' She and I are friends. And my name is Christian [''inaudible'']
 '''Kacey:''' Wait, wait, which am I? Am I your girlfriend or your friend? You keep going back and forth. You're lying again.
 '''Liquid:''' You will always stay friends, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson. THAT IS AS FAR AS YOU GO!!!
 '''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] Look! Chris! I'm so sick of you callin' me by that stupid name! I being myself, B means specifying who I am, A being singular, and Chandler being my last name! It was just a YouTube name! There is no such person as "Ian Brandon Anderson"!
 '''Liquid:''' Shut your stupid... Shut your mouth! You are— You are— You are Ian Brandon Anderson, I am...
 '''Kacey:''' I'm starting to really think you are Ian. Because, I mean, you lied to me about everything already. So why wouldn't you lie to me about that?
 '''Chris:''' No! Kacey! You saw my— You saw my driver's license!
 '''Kacey:''' You can fake those! You accused Chris of faking it, so why couldn't you? Maybe that's why you accused him of faking it, because you know to fake it?
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah!
 '''Chris:''' Now wait a minute, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Don't you raise your voice at me!
 '''Chris:''' I got that, I got my driver's license from the DEE-EM-VEE!!!
 '''Liquid:''' No you didn't, because your— Yours is obviously a forgery of my own good name!
 '''Chris:''' NO!!! NO!!!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, it is!
 '''Chris:''' I am the real deal! I can...
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up!
 '''Chris:''' I have all the proof and everything! You're just— You're the copycat!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you're a copycat, because all you've been doing is copying my— My moves, throughout my entire life! You say this...
 '''Chris:''' No, you— No! You've been copying me for the past three and six months!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you can't even— No...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, who am I going to believe? The guy who's hot and sexy and can play a guitar, or the person who lies to me every fucking night? I mean, come on. You ditched me the moment Chris came on the phone! Also, we're ''friends'' again? Yeah, this is why I'm with Chris!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, and not to mention that he is fat and ugly.
 '''Chris:''' [''BOOM! 'TARD RAGE!''] I AM NOT FAT, GODDAMMIT!!!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you are! You look like you weigh a good 220 pounds.
 '''Chris:''' I do not weigh 220 pounds! I weigh less— I weigh a lot less than that, you— You weak little son of a bitch!
 '''Liquid:''' Fuck that, you probably weigh about 300...[''Liquid continues to talk smack over Chris, but he is almost impossible to hear.'']
 '''Kacey:''' Like you would know...
 '''Chris:''' I am so sick of you putting me down and— And calling me all these insults to my face! AND MY NAME IS TRULY CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER!!! I'm so sick of you pretending to be me and pretending to have all the rights to everything of mine...
 '''Kacey:''' Why would he want to pretend to be you? He's obviously better!
 '''Chris:''' What the hell have you got— Have you had against me that— What the hell have you had against me that was like— That came up even before the year 2000? What the hell, Chris? You tell me right now!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't. I have the copyright— I have the copyright and you do not.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yes— Oh, yes I do! Your copyright is a forgery! But anyway! All this— All this you've been doing to me, what the hell? Why have— Why have you started doing this in the first place, you little son of a bitch?
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh. I told you, I have not started doing anything, you did everything, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson, when you decided...
 '''Chris:''' [''EXPLODING WITH HALF-COHERENT RAGE''] MY NAME IS CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER, AND I'LL THANK YOU TO CALL ME THAT!!!
 '''Kacey:''' Hey! Don't talk to my boyfriend like that! And don't curse around me! Come on!
 '''Liquid:''' Ha! I called you something, MY name is Christian Weston Chandler, and it has been my— My— Has been my God-given name my entire life!
 '''Chris:''' Fine! Your name is Christian Weston Chandler, my name is Christian Weston Chandler, both Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Liquid:'''No it's— It's not! [unintelligible]
 '''Chris:''' ...but don't go claiming copyright to my Sonichu! You...
 '''Liquid:''' No!
 '''Kacey:''' He's got the copyright, you can't fake that. It's direct from the government.
 '''Liquid:''' That has always been mine. Sonichu has been mine— Sonichu has been mine ever since I came up with him in the wilds of Manchester High School.
 '''Kacey:''' That's why he showed it first, to prove it...
 '''Chris:''' You've never been to Manchester High School!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, I have! I went there for four— For four damn years!
 '''Chris:''' You— But you— You stand right next... I tell you what. You stand right next to me in front of Mrs. Lori Jones, that was the— Was the— One of the teachers over at Manchester High School...
 '''Liquid:''' I am the real and true...
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, stop yelling at my boyfriend! Be respectful!
 '''Chris:''' [''Talking over both Kacey and Liquid now''] Or even from Mr. Pascarelli, who was the principal there! Go up right in front of him, and he would say ''I'' am the real Christian Weston Chandler and that ''you'' are the fake!
 '''Liquid:''' That's it— No, she will point at you and say, "Oh yeah, who's this?" And I will say "That— This, my teacher, is Ian Brandon Anderson."
 '''Kacey:''' That— Thanks for ignoring me, this is exactly why I'm going back to Chris. This is retarded. Just like you.
 '''Chris:''' [''stress sigh, pause''] Oh, Jesus. Look, Kacey, I'm sorry, but he had to get— But he— He just came in and...came against me...
 '''Liquid:''' Oh, gimme a break! Oh, gimme a break! You have been lying this whole time...
 '''Chris:''' YOU SHUT UP!!! YOU SHUT UP!!! You've been nothing but a pain in my— Pain in my side. You've been nothing but a pain in the friendship to— Relationship between me and Kacey.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, well— Yeah, no, you would not even— You wouldn't have access to her if it— If it was not for me, because if you hadn't been copying me this whole time, you would never even have been...
 '''Chris:''' I HAVE NOT BEEN COPYING YOU, ''YOU'' HAVE BEEN COPYING ''ME''!!!
 '''Kacey:''' God! How naïve! What relationship?
 '''Liquid:''' This is not even true, it has— Not even true. You are a liar and a fraud! You naïve bastard!
 '''Chris:''' No! You are the liar, you are the fraud. I am so sick of you putting me— Of you calling me all that— When ''you'' know, and ''I'' know, and everybody in the whole world knows that you have been the impostor...
 '''Kacey:''' Stop it! You see? What am I supposed to do?
 '''Liquid:''' No! No!
 '''Kacey:''' You see, he's at least defending me. All you're doing is arguing with him! Who do I think wants me more? Obviously, Chris does.
 '''Chris:''' [''massive sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' You know I love you, baby. Yeah— Yeah, you come to who loves you.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, uh— Okay, well, I'm sorry...
 '''Liquid:''' You never even had a chance, Mr. Ian Brandon Anderson! You make me...
 '''Chris:''' MY NAME— MY NAME IS— NO, NO, NO!!!
 '''Liquid:''' No, I already know— I have found out who you are.
 '''Kacey:''' See? Look! You're getting so worked up over stupid shit! Why would I want to be with someone that naïve?
 '''Chris:''' I am so sick of that word!
 '''Kacey:''' It's just a word. It's just a word!
 '''Liquid:''' You are na— You are naïve! And if I ever found you, I would say it straight to your face!
 '''Chris:''' [''drowning out Liquid''] You can find me right now! I live at 14 Branchland Court in Ruckersville, Virginia! Just— Just over a hundred miles away from Kacey! You go— Look it up...
 '''Liquid:''' You are just copying my address...
 '''Kacey:''' Why would he want to leave here? Because he'll at least come to me, so why would he want to leave?
 '''Liquid:''' You are just copying my address, you know that's my address!
 '''Kacey:''' In fact, you'll just shoot him!
 '''Chris:''' If I knew where— If I knew where Kacey lived, I'd come over there. I would be over there straight as a pistol, quick as a pistol.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, right.
 '''Liquid:''' Oh yeah, speaking of the pistol, Kacey showed me the comic, where you supposedly shot me! Yeah, and I am gonna take that to the police, because that is conspiracy to commit murder and that is a felony!
 '''Chris:''' Well, who are they gonna believe? You are not the— You are not Christian Weston— You are not me! You are not...
 '''Kacey:''' Yes, he is! He is Christian Weston Chandler! When are you gonna stop being an idiot?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I'm sorry. I mean, yeah, you are Christian Weston Chandler, but you are not THE Christian Weston Chandler that went to Manchester High School!
 '''Kacey:''' Stop being crazy!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I am! Yes, I am! I have been the entire time!
 '''Chris:''' No, you are not!
 '''Liquid:''' And, not only that...
 '''Chris:''' YOU KNOW WHAT? GO AHEAD!!! Go ahead and take it to the police.
 '''Liquid:''' I will.
 '''Chris:''' And then we can have the police identify between you and me and find out who was the real Christian Weston Chandler...
 '''Liquid:''' I'm sure they will be happy to...
 '''Chris:''' ...who has the actual life, who has the autism, who created Sonichu in the first place! I dare you to go to the police!
 '''Liquid:''' I created Sonichu in the first place and you know that! You're trying to— You're trying to get off on my...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, what about me? What about me? I know you don't have autism papers. You cannot. You wouldn't even show me. You don't act like an autistic, for one. I mean, come on, I'm in the medical field, I've worked with them. 
 '''Chris:''' I have...
 '''Kacey:''' For one, they're usually really smart. Number two, they're not really this narcissistic. I mean, there's— I can go on and on. I mean, you're not even caring that I'm here! You're not fighting for me! You know what? Fuck you! GOD!!! You're, like, bipolar, not autistic.
 '''Chris:''' I do have the papers! My family has the papers!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't. Yeah, if you have them, you would scan them and put them on the Internets.
 '''Kacey:''' They're probably fake, just like your driver's license, just like everything else.
 '''Chris:''' [''angry sigh''] Look. Christian.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah?
 '''Chris:''' Christian. I invite you to come— I invite you to— Write this down. 14 Branchland Court...
 '''Kacey:''' No! Why, so you can shoot my boyfriend?
 '''Liquid:''' That is my address! That is my dang address! And you're just copying it! You're just a little copy...
 '''Chris:''' No, that is— That is my address. You— You— You have never even been...
 '''Liquid:''' No, you're just... You already know that that is my address and you're trying to impersonate me, so you are...
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, don't even listen to him, because you can stay here with me.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Look. Look. Christian. Listen to me. You claim this is your address, but you have never been anywhere near it. I dare you to actually come to this actual address...
 '''Kacey:''' How do you know? Are you tracking him, are you stalking him?
 '''Liquid:''' I am there right now!
 '''Chris:''' No, you are not. 14 Branchland Court, Ruckersville, Virginia, 22968!
 '''Liquid:''' [''Chants the last digits of the zip code with him''] Yeah. I know that. That is my address.
 '''Chris:''' You are not— You are— You are not in that address!
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I am!
 '''Chris:''' There is no way that that address is over there in D.C. It's right here! Where I'm standing!
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh! I am not interested. How many times do I have to get that through your stupid skull? You are so stupid! I am in Ruckersville, Virginia!
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' I have been in Ruckersville, Virginia, for a very long time now!
 '''Kacey:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' Wait a minute— Okay, hold it— Stop, stop. Okay, Kacey, are you both really at a 14 Branchland Court?
 '''Kacey:''' Does it matter? Why are you talking to me now? You've been ignoring me the whole time and ''now'' you're talking to me? I mean, and shit, you're finally talking to me and you're not even fighting for me. Fuck this. He's at my place. I already said that.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, yeah... No, you listen— You listen— You listen— Hey, you listen to me!
 '''Chris:''' He's at your place, but it's not 14 Branchland Court, is it?
 '''Kacey:''' I don't live there, of course not! The hell? That's where ''he'' lives, not me.
 '''Chris:''' Right.
 '''Liquid:''' Ugh, ugh! I am telling you right now, I am— I am telling you, this— This accusation of— Of shooting me is really gonna go far. Because I saw that— It is nothing more than firearm pornography. Yeah, yeah, I— It just made me so scared for my life, because of some stalker named Ian Brandon Anderson coming after me...
 '''Chris:''' MY NAME— I AM CHRISTIAN WESTON CHANDLER!!! When are you going to... I mean, Kacey has been to your house, and I know that your house is not 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Liquid:''' It is! Yes, it is!
 '''Chris:''' It is not!
 '''Liquid:''' It is!
 '''Chris:''' Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, and she has been to my house...
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, if you have...
 '''Liquid:''' ...and we were making passionate love to each other!
 '''Chris:''' But it is not 14 Branchland Court.
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, it is! And that is where— Exactly where we were making passionate love.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, you don't even care about me, do you? You don't care about me, because you... You, you're more worried about being Ian Brandon Anderson than the fact that I'm right here!
 '''Chris:''' Ah, Jesus, Kacey... Yeah, okay...
 '''Kacey:''' This is why Chris is here and you're not.
 '''Chris:''' No, Kacey, please...
 '''Kacey:''' This is why my family loves him and not you.
 '''Liquid:''' [''First part of sentence is drowned out'']...that he is Ian Brandon Anderson, he is a psychopath! He's not sane!
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey...
 '''Kacey:''' I think I'm starting to realize that. I mean, you're delusional!
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey, you know it— You know it— You know that I'm true, please— Believe— Please, Kacey, don't do— Don't do this...
 '''Liquid:''' No, he is not true! He is a liar and a fraud, he...
 '''Kacey:''' What about everything you said? You compared my grandma dying to your dog dying. I've had dogs die before, too. Not anything like Grandma dying. Just saying.
 '''Liquid:''' And I would never be that disrespectful, because I am the real, loyal...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, I'm sorry about that lousy— Okay, I'm sorry about that comparison, Kacey.
 '''Liquid:''' Oh yeah, just shut up, you're not going to make it up this time. You are— You have always just been this naïve, because that's all— That's all you've ever been, just a...
 '''Kacey:''' [''Drowns out Liquid''] And you pissed off my family. I mean, my family hates you.
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh''] Okay, well...
 '''Liquid:''' Just shut up.
 '''Kacey:''' My dad gave Chris his blessing, not you.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, I am the only one deserving of the blessing, because I have proven myself worthy of it.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, okay, okay— Well, you can have— Okay, that's fine, you can have Kacey...
 '''Liquid:''' Okay, yeah— Shut up! Yeah!
 '''Chris:''' ...but you— But you— But I say— You know— But you know it, and I know it, that you are not all that, and I am the original Christian Weston Chandler— I am Christian Weston Chandler, I created everything there!
 '''Liquid:''' [''Much of his statement is drowned out.'']...original copyright on the Sonichu!
 '''Chris:''' No, you do not!
 '''Liquid:''' It has always been mine, and I am going to turn it into a real franchise!
 '''Chris:''' No, you— No, you are not! You are not! I am— I am— You are not! I am!
 '''Liquid:''' You are not— You're just a nobody!
 '''Chris:''' You're— You're just a— You're— No, you're the— No, you're the nobody, you're the copycat!
 '''Liquid:''' Sure, you're just a nobody, you don't have the real TRUE and HONEST fanbase.
 '''Chris:''' I am so sick of this! [''sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up.
 '''Kacey:''' You don't even have the papers. Until you prove it, you have nothing.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you are just a worthless waste of life.
 '''Chris:''' Oh! Geh— No, you are the worthless waste of life, Chris!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you are!
 '''Kacey:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
 '''Liquid:''' I am doing something with my time, Mr. Anderson, except for just copying someone else.
 '''Kacey:''' He has a job, he does things!
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, he has a job, but he's not— You know that he's not the original creator of Sonichu, you know he just...
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I am! I am!
 '''Kacey:''' How do I know that anymore? You lie to me all the time! And I've watched him draw.
 '''Liquid:''' I draw— I draw Sonichu for you all the time, Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' He— He— But he does not have the same drawing style I's drew— I do— I showed you my— It was right there in front of you at the Fashion Square Mall!
 '''Kacey:''' [''Chris drowns out part of her reply.''] I know, but I mean, I could draw it, too. I can... [''sigh''] It's not that important to me, anyways. Sonichu is some kids' thing.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' It has always been my original hand-drawing style. It's the same kind that I used in the wilds of Manchester High School.
 '''Chris:''' You have never been to Manchester High School.
 '''Liquid:''' Yes, I have!
 '''Kacey:''' How do you know that? Unless you've been keeping tabs on him his whole life.
 '''Liquid:''' Graduated class of 2000!
 '''Chris:''' Because he has... He's only prete— He's only pretending that— He's stealing me, he's stealing all that. He's just copying.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you don't care about me, because you said he can have me, so, I mean, fuck you.
 '''Chris:''' No, I— No, I do care about you, Kacey!
 '''Liquid:''' No, you don't. Stop the charade, we already know you're a liar, Mr. Ian Brandon...
 '''Kacey:''' The only thing that you care about is being Christian Weston Chandler. Thanks for showing me that you care about me! You lied to me this whole time!
 '''Chris:''' [''loud, angry sigh''] No, I...
 '''Liquid:''' Shut up.
 '''Chris:''' [''RAGE''] I HAVE NOT BEEN LYING TO YOU, KACEY!!! GOD!!!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you have been! You've been lying to everyone on the Internet!
 '''Chris:''' I have not been lying to anybody! [''breaking down''] I have been honest and true.
 '''Liquid:''' You have not!
 '''Chris:''' [''stress sigh''] Oh, hang on a second, guys...
 '''Liquid:''' You are just a fraud! Your whole life is a fraud!
 '''Chris:''' [''He's talking to his parents.''] The one in the brown stripes, who's taking Kacey?
 '''Barbara:''' Well, good...
 '''Chris:''' I want you to talk to him and tell him off, I'm sick of telling him off. He's still calling me that— God, Ian Brandon Anderson. [''Talking to Kacey and Liquid again''] You better still be there, because I'm going to have you talking to the real Robert Chandler in a second. [''Back to his parents''] Please, help me out here.
 '''Bob:''' What the... Well, what's going on? You there?
 '''Kacey:''' [''pause''] Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Who is this?
 '''Bob:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hello?
 '''Bob:''' Who is this?
 '''Kacey:''' Kacey.
 '''Bob:''' This is Rob...[''Static cuts him off''] She ain't saying anything, Christian.
 '''Kacey:''' Hello?
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, please, just— Just lis— Just— That's my father, Robert Chandler...
 '''Kacey:''' I know, I keep talking to him. He can't hear me.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, he can hear you.
 '''Bob:''' No, I can hear her...
 '''Kacey:''' No, he keeps saying
hello
.
 '''Bob:''' What? What do you want?
 '''Chris:''' Right now, I just want him to— There, to talk to the— Tell that Chris off!
 '''Bob:''' Well, right now it's midnight. What in the world do you want?
 '''Chris:''' She don't want anything, talk!
 '''Bob:''' She don't wanna talk, either. She can't talk or cat's got her tongue.
 '''Chris:''' Kacey, please talk...[''He's carrying on a faint conversation with Barbara in the background.'']
 '''Kacey:''' I'm sorry, I'm really confused. Like, one minute I'm talking to someone, and the next minute I'm not.
 '''Barbara:''' Hold it right there. You don't have to listen to 'em, just hang up on the bitch!
 '''Bob:''' [''unintelligible'']...don't answer!
 '''Chris:''' I was— I was trying to get y'all to talk to that Chris over there, because he's over there with her right now!
 '''Barbara:''' I don't care where they are, their— They might be lying to you!
 '''Chris:''' He's still pretending to be me, with this address!
 '''Barbara:''' Christian, just shut up and hang up on 'em! [''unintelligible'']...if you're upset! Don't ever answer the phone when they call!
 '''Bob:''' Tell 'em go to bed(?)!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Barbara:''' That's your fault!
 '''Chris:''' [''sigh'']
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, hiding behind daddy's skirt. That's what I thought.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I like how I'm a bitch.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, Chris, shut the hell up. Kacey, I'm sorry, I'll talk to you later.
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, you're just— Yeah, I knew you would this entire time.
 '''Chris:''' Just...SHUT UP!!! Talk to you later, Kacey, I love you. I do love you...
 '''Liquid:''' No, shut up! Kacey, are you with me— Are you with me or are you with him?
 '''Kacey:''' You! At least you're not calling me a bitch. Because I find that extremely disrespectful.
 '''Chris:''' No, that was my mom. That was my mom who said that!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, of course.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, good. My family hates you, your family hates me.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you with me, baby? Are you with me— Are we gonna get married?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, shut up, Chris...
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah. Let's go get married. Because I can't deal with this.
 '''Chris:''' I can't deal with him still pretending to be me!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, well, you are always the...
 '''Kacey:''' He's not pretending to be you, he's better than you. Why would he pretend to be you?
 '''Chris:''' He's prete— He's pretend— He's been a liar the whole time, you know it...
 '''Liquid:''' You— You are just a less-worthy version of me!
 '''Chris:''' I sh— I sh— I showed you the certificate and the diploma!
 '''Liquid:''' Yeah, they're fake.
 '''Chris:''' And the degree, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Whatever, I can't deal with this. You're calling everyone a liar when you're the biggest liar I know.
 '''Chris:''' I am not the liar!
 '''Kacey:''' And then you bring your parents on here. Your parents are going to insult me like that, what do you want me to do? What do you think I'm gonna do? That's crazy, that's insane.
 '''Chris:''' I just don't— I just don't understand the situation! I was trying to get them to talk to that Chris! Trying to get them to talk...
 '''Liquid:''' Kacey, are you officially broken up with him? Are you officially breaking up with him?
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you lied about McDonald's, jogging, video games, television. I mean, all that seems a lot more important than me, so I get it— Don't worry, I get it.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you officially breaking up with him?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, Kacey. You are important!
 '''Kacey:''' No, I get it. Apparently, I'm not!
 '''Chris:''' I was trying to pro— I was trying to protect you from that goddamn liar!
 '''Liquid:''' Make it official, Kacey!
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but your mom called me a bitch. You didn't even defend me! You were just like "talk to her, talk to her!" What was I supposed to say? That was embarrassing! That's how you want your parents to... That's the first time your parents met me! That's what you wanted? Good job.
 '''Liquid:''' Are you officially broken up...?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, no, no, no. [''sigh''] I was trying to get them to talk to the Chris! [''sigh''] Look, Christian Weston...
 '''Kacey:''' No, you told them to talk to me! Why do you use your parents to defend you? My parents don't defend me.
 '''Liquid:''' You gotta— You gotta tell me. Are you officially broken up with him?
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Okay, now listen. Kacey, I'm sorry about it, I'm sorry about that misunderstanding, I'll talk to you later. And as for ''you'', Christian Weston Chandler over there, I AM GOING TO FIND YOU AND I AM GOING TO HAVE YOU PROVEN AS THE LIAR!!! Good night. [''Hangs up'']
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, fuck you.
 '''Liquid:''' Baby...
 '''Kacey:''' That's great, when I say "No, fuck you!" I can't believe... Oh my god, Barbara called me a bitch. Oh, oh my god! [''laughs''] We know how much you love it when people call me a bitch.
 '''Liquid:''' Uh, yeah, I know, right? [''unintelligible''] That was great.
 '''Kacey:''' OH...MY...GOD... That was the best call...ever. I can't believe we got Barbara and Bob.
 '''Liquid:''' I can't believe we got half the stuff we got...
 '''Kacey:''' [''unintelligible''] It was definitely a different voice that called me a bitch. That was definitely Barbara that said "Just hang up on the bitch!"
 '''Liquid:''' Yup... Yup... Yup...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, so back to [[Mumble]]! [''giggles'']
 [''tape runs out'']

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Father Call]]|nextlink=[[Chris Chan gets chewed out by Kacey]]}}

{{FanChats}}

==External links==
* Download [http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?eojywemfkom the Call]
* Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAuNEyPsuX0&feature=channel the call on YouTube]

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

Father Call

2011-03-14T02:17:57Z

Liquid!:

[[Image:Matthew_Devoria.jpg|thumb|Artist's interpretation of Matthew Devoria.]]

On the fourth of [[November 2009|November, 2009]], [[Chris|Solid Chris]] spent a little over two hours on the phone one night with '''Matthew Devoria''' (born [[1957]]), father of his would-be [[sweetheart]] [[Kacey]]. Matthew is a retired [[Wikipedia:United States Marine Corps|U.S. Marine]] who served in the [[Wikipedia:Gulf War|Gulf War]].

Chris uses the opportunity of speaking to the father of a heartsweet by boasting of his now legendary [[honest content|honesty]], before going on to [[lie]] his ass off about any topic you care to mention.

Their conversation is illuminating. This is probably the most blunt assessment of himself and his place in the world that Chris has ever directly received: Matthew berates Chris for his [[Monthly tugboat|laziness]], [[Chris and death|lack of empathy]], inability to grow up, [[chris and health|unhealthy lifestyle]], rotund figure, and general failure at life. It is unlikely that Chris will take any of Matt and Kacey's advice to heart, as he retorts by saying that he leads a [[lie|hard life]], which includes such laborious tasks as doing [[:Image:Gibson.jpg|menial chores]], mowing the lawn, which he uses a [[CWC Fighter|riding lawn mower]] to do, and [[Tour of Chris's House|cleaning the house]]. He also claims to be [[I AM STRONG|strong]] and that he [[Guitar Hero|exercises]] [[Mass debating|regularly]], as well as eating healthy by going to [[McDonald's]] only once per week and [[Homo|shoving vegetables down his throat]].

After being confronted with the truth that he uses the [[trolls]] and his [[autism]] as a crutch, [[stress]] overcame him and Chris became increasingly more [[chris and anger|upset]]. In general, Chris's attitude and immaturity greatly offended Kacey and her father, causing her to rethink her decision and go back to [[CChanSonichuCWC|Liquid]].

Chris recorded his [[11052009 Kacey, I Love You, and I Need You|5 November video]] as a follow-up to this conversation, hoping to repair his relationship with Kacey. He then had another [[Kacey and Liquid Call|phone conversation with Kacey]], which ended equally poorly.

==Transcript==
===Matthew makes the scene===
[[Image:Md.PNG|thumb|Chris's drawing of Kacey's father (from [[Sonichu Special 4]]).]]

'''Kacey:''' Hey Chris, it's Kacey.

'''Chris:''' Hi Kacey, how are you?

'''Kacey:''' Um, I'm cool, um, I'm over at my parents' house cause, um, they wanted to call 'cause they saw some of your videos and I gave them the letter...

'''Chris:''' Okay, all right. Actually, I'm uploading a [[11042009 51 50|video]] now, I did 51 reps with, uh, fifty-pound weights...not really weights, but...

'''Kacey:''' You did 51 reps or 51 times? 'Cause reps are different.

'''Chris:''' You know, lifted them up, 51 times, lifted them up with each arm. 51 times each arm, so 102.

'''Kacey:''' Hm. Well, was it hard?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it was hard, but it was a show of strength anyway.

'''Kacey:''' Um, that's funny, 'cause I have to lift, like... 100 or more pounds for my job but, um, let me go ahead and get my dad, because he wants to talk to you.

'''Chris:''' Uh, okay, what's his name? ...Okay.

'''Kacey:''' I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, it's Matthew.

'''Chris:''' Matthew? Okay.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' All right.

'''Kacey:''' All right well just give me a minute.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

[''Pause'']

'''Matthew:''' Hello, Chris. This is ''Matthew'', Kacey's father.

'''Chris:''' Hello, s- good evening, sir, how are you?

'''Matthew:''' I'm good, thank you. How are you?

'''Chris:''' I'm doing good.

'''Matthew:''' Good, good... So, uh... So, I've got a couple of questions for you... Well, more than a couple.

'''Chris:''' That's fine, that's fine, I'm happy to oblige with an an- with an [[honest content|honest]] answer.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, well uh, first and foremost, let's see... You got a job, son?

'''Chris:''' Not currently, but [[Chris's resume|I am working towards getting a job]]. I have been filling out applications left and right.

'''Matthew:''' Really, really, what kind of places? What kind of skills you got?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, w- yeah, I'm looking a- I'm applying for, like, uh- retail stores and such, I've got an application for a new CVS in [[Ruckersville]], and uh, one over at [[Wal-Mart]], and had one over at [[Target]]... I have worked before, I've worked at [[Wendy's]] in Ruckersville for a few months... First off, I worked off as a sales representative for [[Cutco]] cutlery.

'''Matthew:''' Right, that's minimum wage stuff... Did you go to college or something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|I went to college]] and, uh, got a degree and a certificate in [[CADD|Computer Aided Graphic and Design]].

'''Matthew:''' And you're working at...''Target''... I mean, I know the economy's bad, but I mean...surely, you've gotta, you know, use that somehow, right? ...How old are you again?

'''Chris:''' I'm 27...sir.

'''Matthew:''' You're almost ''thirty'' and you're working at, uh...''Target''. You wanna work at Target, I should say.

'''Chris:''' Hm...yeah, well, not really sure what kind of jobs my, uh...degree and certificate would get me, but I mean, like, you know... but I mean, if I- if I did know, then I'd certainly strike up on the job...

'''Matthew:''' You got a degree not knowing what kind of jobs you could get...in that field, and you've had it for how long? When did you graduate?

'''Chris:''' Uh... I graduated in 2006.

'''Matthew:''' 2006, so you've had it for three years and you have done nothing with it... Hm, you haven't had any jobs between then?

===Pokémon volunteer and Chris's home===
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I had- I did- I have done volunteer work... Uh...

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't pay, though. Although, what kind? Humor me.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Matthew:''' What kind of volunteer work? Humor me.

'''Chris:''' All right, yeah, well, I have the- I helped the children over at the [[The GAMe PLACe|Citizens' Gym League]] for the [[Pokémon]] Trading [[Card games|Card Game]] league a few years back...

'''Matthew:''' ''Pokémon''? Wait, wait, that...

'''Chris:''' You know, teach them how to play, build decks from what scraps they had, make sure they kept in order, don't get too crazy...

'''Matthew:''' And...how long ago was this?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, what was that?

'''Matthew:''' How long ago was this? I mean, wasn't that ''Pokémon'' thing, wasn't that back in [[1990s|the 90s]] when that was really popular? Because I think my youngest daughter used to like that, but you know, that was years ago.

'''Chris:''' That was the late 90s.

'''Matthew:''' LATE 90s.

'''Chris:''' And- um- that's still going strong. Maybe I-

'''Matthew:''' If you say so.

'''Chris:''' ...And I have been doing that from 1998 'till about 2008. So about ten years I've been doing that.

'''Matthew:''' Right. You've been playing a children's card game for ten years.

'''Chris:''' ...Yeah, but also, like, as you know, like, a form of babysitting.

'''Matthew:''' Babysitting... but doesn't babysitting usually, you know, pay? And, I mean, that doesn't sound like you're volunteering. When I think volunteering work, I think like, you know, Red Cross, that kind of thing. You know, actually going out and really helping people, planting trees, that kind of stuff.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have- I have been- I have helped people out. You know, I, uh, helped, like, the parents mind...knowing their children were in a safe environment and I helped ensure children were playing and were within the safe environment and that nothing was to go wrong and, uh, and I was respected as an authoritative figure in that sense.

'''Matthew:''' And...but...are you still doing this? I mean, or what are you doing right now? If you stopped, why aren't you doing this anymore?

'''Chris:''' Ummm...yeah, I was kinda like, uh, you know, uh, not so good at showing up, so it was like my choice on ending that, you know. But yeah, it was kind of a sad day for me, you know, to have to put that behind me, but, you know, we gotta move on. But anyway, aside from that, I...I've been searching and, uh, doing yardwork for my family and other sorts of...heavy lifting.

'''Matthew:''' Right, right... Well, anyways, I'm done talking about, uh, ''Pok-e-man'' now. I got a couple more. So, uh, what kind of place you got, you got a place of your own? Where you living at?

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I'm currently living in a [[14 Branchland Court|two-story house]] with my [[mother]] and my [[father]].

'''Matthew:''' Living with your parents, age 30. Got it. [''Chris tries to interrupt''] ''Almost'' 30, excuse me.

'''Chris:''' Well, uh, I hope that, uh, doesn't strike you in a bad thing, but it's like, uh, I just did not feel comfortable leaving the safety of my home with the, uh, for a while.

'''Matthew:''' And, uh, why is that exactly?

'''Chris:''' 'Cause I could not really, I just did not feel, you know, like I was ready for a place of my own just yet.

'''Matthew:''' You gotta leave somehow, you've gotta leave at some point. I think most of my kids will, you know, move out 18, 20... I'm okay if they hang out while they're in college, but after that they gotta start looking for a place of their own, you know?

'''Chris:''' Yeah...yeah. But, you know, to each their own individual growth rates.

'''Matthew:''' Right, but, but uh, I just gotta ask, though... I mean, you're really serious about Kacey, are you not?

'''Chris:''' Yes, yes, I am serious about Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Okay so...uh-

'''Chris:''' And with her help, I feel like I could get a good start on being able to, uh, you know, shortly, in the near future, move out of my- of the house.

'''Matthew:''' ...With her help?

'''Chris:''' ...And get a place of my own...

'''Matthew:''' You need her help to support both of you?

'''Chris:''' [''floundering''] It's more like, you know...um... Some details I'm not understand... I talk to my parents sometimes about that, but it's like, uh, you know...uh...I...it's like a...whole bunch of details...you know...yeah.

'''Matthew:''' EXPLAIN, PLEASE. I don't know what these details are.

'''Chris:''' Anyway, I'm still, like, uh, I would need external influence, somebody outside the house to help me feel more comfortable in moving out.

'''Matthew:''' You could, you know, people are always looking for roommates, just go to any college board.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...but still, I mean, that's not...

'''Matthew:''' That's not really an excuse.

'''Chris:''' That's not something I would feel comfortable with, since, uh, I haven't been to college for a few years, you know.

'''Matthew:''' So, really, if you can't support my daughter, my daughter needs a man, a MAN to support her.

'''Chris:''' I am a man, sir.

===Financial Situation and Crystal the 'Tard-baby===
'''Matthew:''' How serious are you about my daughter?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the question.

'''Matthew:''' How serious are you about my daughter? Really. If you aren't even willing to support yourself.

'''Chris:''' I am willing, I am able to support myself as well. I'm able to support myself. And I will be able to support your daughter as well.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, then why aren't you? Where's the money gonna come from?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I do have, I do have a [[Monthly tugboat|monthly income]].

'''Matthew:''' Do you now?

'''Chris:''' I get, yeah, I get it from the government. My family is a little bit in with the government.

'''Matthew:''' So why do you get welfare? Might I ask? Or whatever you call it.

'''Chris:''' You can call it, like, you know, a stepping-stone in the right direction of me moving out and all that, but seriously, though, I am very strong-willed, and I feel that I could, I would be able to take care of Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' You're avoiding my question. Why are you on, I think it's actually called Social Security. Why do you get it? I mean, I'm a pretty strong Republican, we don't really like that whole welfare thing. We work, and if we can't work, we go join the military. That's what I did.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I understand that. You see, I'm [[Autism|high-functionally autistic]].

'''Matthew:''' Are you now?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was diagnosed with that at a young age, and I was, I still have [''brief disconnection''] just a few years ago.

'''Matthew:''' So, ah...isn't that [[autism]] thing, it's like a, you're not, like, ''retarded'', are you?

'''Chris:''' Ah, I'm sorry, not really, what?

'''Matthew:''' I'm just saying, you know, that's a genetic thing, right? I don't want any, if you're really going to get with my daughter, I don't want 'tard-babies.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, autism is not genetic.

'''Matthew:''' Ah, I think I read somewhere that it was, actually. I'm pretty sure I did.

'''Chris:''' No, no, it's a myth. That's a myth.

'''Matthew:''' A myth. A myth.

'''Chris:''' Autism is not genetic. You're not gonna have, there would be no retarded grandchildren on your part. I can guar... I can promise you that.

'''Matthew:''' If you say so. If you really say so. I'm looking this stuff up right now. My Kacey, she's in medicine, she knows this stuff, she's an expert.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, like, you know, it might be also...

'''Matthew:''' Actually, hold on, she's right over here. Hey, Kacey, what do you know about autism? Is that genetic?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it's definitely genetic. It usually runs in the mother's line but it can be in the father's as well. But it's usually the mother's. And twins have a much higher chance.

'''Chris:''' [''In a relatively quiet sigh''] Great.

'''Kacey:''' Anything else, Dad?

'''Matthew:''' Ah...no, I think that's good, yeah, you go... What were you doing again?

'''Kacey:''' I need to go finish washing the dishes. I'll be right back, Dad.

'''Matthew:''' I think there's some cake down there, too. Go help yourself or something.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, sweet! Thanks, Dad.

'''Matthew:''' Anyways, where was I? Let's see... If you really want a kid with my Kacey, I think you'd probably be best if you adopted or something. That's a good thing, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, in my case, I would not, I do not, I would not care to adopt. You see, I have a dream, I have my dream, and that dream is to give birth, to have, to share a daughter with my wife-to-be, and her name would be [[Crystal]].

'''Matthew:''' A dream...as in, you were asleep and you saw something?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Plus, in the dream, I had, like, an office job.

'''Matthew:''' An office job. Right.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' You know, I don't think, Kacey actually doesn't really like that name. You know, it's kind of a stripper name, Cri-STAL, it's kinda like Cristal, that champagne...

'''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, it would not, it would not, it would not be Cri-STAL, it would be Cri-STUL. Does that make sense?

'''Matthew:''' It's still pretty close.

'''Chris:''' It's fairly, it does sound close, but it's not, you're not, you're just replacing the C-R-I-S-T-L-E, you're replacing the L-E with an A-L.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, but even so...you said this all came to you in a dream...dreams, they don't pay the bills. It's just a dream. That's all just from your head. I had a dream once where, you know, I was flying. You don't see me doing that.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, okay, but I mean, it's like in, yeah. Flying, yeah, you're definitely not going to be able to fly on your own. Sure. But it's like, you know, when you see a dream that's actually reasonable, that you can actually picture yourself doing in the future while you're awake. You know? It's like a career thing. You know, it's like, yeah, you definitely, it's like, you know, when your child, there's a chance you could become a cowboy if you dreamed of being a cowboy. But, you know, that may not be, that may seem kind of far-fetched, if you're living in a place that's not near or in Texas, but if you're like, if you dreamed you want, if you want, if you dreamed you wanted to be, to become a teacher, that's more likely, that's more likely possible. You can get the degree and become a teacher.

'''Matthew:''' So? If you want to go do it, be a teacher, go to work in an office, GO WORK IN AN OFFICE! Go apply to an office. Don't dream about it, dreams do nothing for you, they don't pay the bills.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I am taking, I have been, I have been working on that, and I have been taking action on looking for good jobs. Definitely looking in office jobs.

===Prophetic dreams and Bob Chandler===
'''Matthew:''' You think you have some kind of powers of prophecy? That doesn't seem very, I don't know, to me it doesn't seem very Godly, you know.

'''Chris:''' No, ah, ah, ah, I'm not saying, I'm not saying that I'm a prophet. I'm not saying that. But, you know, it's definitely something that, you know, it's definitely something that I feel that God has promised to me and [[Chris and religion|I believe in God]], I go to [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] every Sunday, and like, like in...

'''Matthew:''' That sounds like being a prophet to me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you do, yeah, there are prophets that are mentioned in the Bible.

'''Matthew:''' Yes, but.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not, I, but, I am not saying that I am a prophet. Not saying that.

'''Matthew:''' Son, I go to church every Sunday too, and I've never had any kind of dreams of anything telling me that something is going to happen. God doesn't do that. God doesn't tell you things like that.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you never know, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, it'll just, it depends on the people, you know? You never know it, but you know, you might actually have gotten a message in a dream that may have actually [''brief interruption''] but you might, you might not have caught on as quickly, or...and I do not mean to insult you, but, ah, yeah, right now, conflicted by, you know, retrospect, you might actually realize that could have been a message from God.

'''Matthew:''' Naaaah... if you think you see the future, that sounds like you're trying to be a prophet. That doesn't really sound religious, that just sounds like some [[Chris and religion#Chris the Shaman|mumbo-jumbo]] to me.

'''Chris:''' I'm not saying that it is the definite future, but that it is a POSSIBLE future. And I am looking-and I am looking to make that happen.

'''Matthew:''' Well, MAKE it happen.

'''Chris:''' I am going to.

'''Matthew:''' Do it. And if it's not a message from god, you should go out, you should do it. Why don't you go- don't wait for it, it sounds like you're just sitting around waiting for it. When did you have this dream, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I pretty much, I pretty much had it when I was between seven and nine years old-

'''Matthew:''' Seven-wh-TWENTY YEARS AGO? Excuse me? And nothing has happened between then and now?

'''Chris:''' ''[floundering]'' I was definitely, like, in my [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|elementary school years]]...

'''Matthew:''' And you hold onto this dream...I mean, you're almost thirty, you're, you know...time is gonna start working against you, you know? I mean, life is short.

'''Chris:''' Yes, it is.

'''Matthew:''' And you're living with your parents. I mean, what do you do all day, exactly?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I get creative by uh, I like to [[CWC - Hand Drawn Original|draw and color]]. And uh, sometimes I like to create with my hands, you know, I [[Medallions of Fail|sculpt]]. And, uh even as far as, you know, just tinkering with, anything I like tinkering with. I even have-I am even [[I Pimp My Ride.MOV|technologically smart]]. I even took a [[computer]] upgrading class where I put together a computer, a personal computer, from scratch.

'''Matthew:''' So...why aren't you working building computers or something? It sounds like something you could do.

'''Chris:''' [''ignoring this fairly good point''] Hm, yeah, it is. Hm. Well I pretty much did get started on the techno-savvy, I would say, from my father. He's a retired technical engineer, he worked for GE for a number of years, he also, uh, was in the, well he was stationed over in Korea in the Signal Corps. He-he designed the controls for the plastic auto machines for his other achievements. So without him we would not have the plastic for, at the very least, your soda bottles.

'''Matthew:''' That's all fine and good, I mean, your father...but I'm not talking about your father, I'm talking about you.

'''Chris:''' I'm just pointing it out as hinting at my technological influence.

'''Matthew:''' But...you haven't done anything, unlike your father. That's what I'm getting here. I mean, that's not good, son. When I was 27 I already had a wife and kids, I was working 40 hours a week.

'''Chris:''' Hmm...umm...yes, well, my father didn't marry-my father did not marry the first time till he was 30 himself.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah but you know, he probably also had a job and was living on his own, and he was also in the military, like me. So I don't really care about what your father did, because that's what he did, that's not what you did.

'''Chris:''' I understand-I understand th-I understand what you're talk-I understand...talking about...and, you know, and your point.

'''Matthew:''' Right.

'''Chris:''' I mean, I make a, I am trying to make a valid point myself. I feel like that, you know, we both are definitely understanding each other.
===Kacey's boobs and Internet fame===
'''Matthew:''' Really? I must say, I'm not really impressed, but, uh, let's move on. Let's talk a little bit about what you think about my lovely daughter. What was the first thing you liked or noticed about Kacey?

'''Chris:''' I noticed her beautiful face.

'''Matthew:''' Her beautiful face.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. And her blue-green eyes are like a pair of swimming pools that I would just like to swim around and bathe myself in.

'''Matthew:''' ''[laughs]'' So the first thing you noticed was her appearance.

'''Chris:''' [''Interrupting''] But also I definitely like to take note over time, over talking to her, one day that she was very smart and very fun to hang around with, and she definitely knows what she's talking about. If anything [''laughs''] she could be a little bit sm-[[Ego|she could be smarter than me on some things]].

'''Matthew:''' But still, the first thing that, uh, you noticed, was her appearance. So, were you looking for like a trophy wife or something? It's kind of funny...

'''Chris:''' [''stuttering''] The first thing I noticed about her in person, when we talked first, you know, between phone calls and e-mails, after kind of an indirect meeting there, but anyway. I actually learned first that she was smart and very delightful to talk to. And then after a while, she and I met in person, and then I got to appreciate her face. And the-the smart, charming wit behind it.

'''Matthew:''' This doesn't really add up to what Kacey told me, you know. The impressions I got from what she said about your first little..."encounter," we'll call it...she said she was a little bit...uncomfortable around you, you know? And apparently [[Kacey Phone Call|when you first talked to her, you actually were pretending to be somebody else]], actually. You know, [[Liquid Chris|that other Chris]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well he was, that was another thing. Yeah. All right, yeah.

'''Matthew:''' She didn't like that much.

'''Chris:''' My friend Kim, she helped me, uh, get into that Chris's e-mail account. Before I ever learned about Kacey-

'''Matthew:''' You know, that Chris was her boyfriend at the time, you know? I mean, I've actually talked to that guy and met him in person, he's actually a pretty nice kid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but if you watch his [[YouTube]] videos he does get a little crazy. But anyway for the past few months now...he was, you know, he was pretending to be me, and a few months ago, he pretends, or I'm assuming he pretends, that he gets kidnapped and tied up, and sent to the desert. And then Kacey tells me that cops ''[incomprehensible]'' in the desert, but I'm going off track here-

'''Matthew:''' That just doesn't make any sense to me. Why would he pretend to be you? Someone like you, guy who lives with his parents.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Okay, first off, I'm Internet famous for being the original creator of the, uh...it's like a combination of [[Sonic the Hedgehog]] and Pikachu [''Kacey's Dad groans''], so I was the original creator of [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]], the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. And I created him on March 17, [[2000]], and I drew the [[comic]] books...I originally started that back in 2000, and I've drawn a few books and I'm still doing some drawing, I don't like to leave an unfinished project finished. But-

'''Matthew:''' [''Has been trying to interrupt for the last 30 seconds''] Okay, so...you know, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about? I barely know what Sonic the Hedgehog and Pokémon is other than it's kids' stuff. So basically what I'm getting here is you took two kids' things and put them together, you know, two [[Chris and copyright|copyrighted]] kids' things...

'''Chris:''' But it's making up a whole new character, and my father has the knowledge with the [[copyrights]] and whatnot, and he verifies for me that I have been in the clear the whole time, from the beginning, to uh, to continue on with Sonichu being m-Sonichu and Rosechu being my original creation. And I create the original stories and everything, and the books, and I've done the [[CWCipedia]], which was originally on the CWC Sonichu site speaking of which, CWC is my name, Christian Weston Chandler. Anyway, I've been going on with that since 2000, uh-

'''Matthew:''' Which means you were 18 when you made this. You were what, a senior in high school? You were playing with kids' stuff? And that's what you've been doing for...what, you know, since then? You're 27 years old? You're playing with kids' stuff? I mean, like, little kids' stuff. I mean, like, ten-year-olds.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, it may sound like that, but in a sense, it was definitely a fad that I was, uh, enjoying, and, uh-

'''Matthew:''' But fads, they come and go.

'''Chris:''' -until when I had to like, uh, which was just a year and a half ago, I had to let that go, and I let that go a year and a half ago. But anyway, getting back to, uh...

'''Matthew:''' You said it was popular, still. But you're not making any money off it. You're just doing this while you sit around in your parents' house for no real reason, because like I said, you're not making any money off this, and you still wanna be a boyfriend.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, but, it is a thing I’m doing to make money off of, I could be, it is a thing that I am working on starting to make money off of, I am in talks with the com- comic book company, as well as Nintendo of America, about, uh, you know, about possibly, about the likelihood of me being able to, uh, of, uh, us getting together... making money off of this, cuz, obviously, since 2000 it became more and more popular on the, uh, Internet, and I became Internet famous and, uh, along with a bunch of the fans like that, I was, ah...

'''Matthew:''' Don’t you... don’t you need permission from both [[SEGA]], and [[Nintendo]]? I mean, is that, Sonic is from Sega, right? I mean, I know a little bit about what my daughter was… my little daughter used to talk about... I kinda know what a Sega is, I think.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I have talked to Sega as well, but anyway, getting back to, anyway, getting back to, if I may finish... yeah. Anyway, yeah, I got Internet famous, I got the fans, and then I got the naysayers which were the Internet bullies and trolls... and, uh... and uh, that Chris, and uh, Chris over there, was uh, he was one of them, and uh before, and this is, uh before I met Kacey he uh, he started pretending to be me, on the, in YouTube videos. And, uh...

'''Matthew:''' This... okay, I’m sorry, this is just getting completely ridiculous, all this Internet, I mean you just, all this Internet stuff, I don’t, I don’t know much about computers, but I mean, that’s just... this sounds like just a whole waste of time, that I don’t care about, because it doesn’t pay the bills, and it DOES NOT help support Ka- my Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I- I- I understand that.

===Twin Falling Towers and getting fired===
'''Matthew:''' I mean, I was in the MILITARY. I was DOING something. I fought in Desert STORM. I fought against Saddam HUSSEIN.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... okay... you fought in Desert Storm, you fought against Saddam... that’s all good, that’s very good. That’s honorable. That is honorable.

'''Matthew:''' But... and then what- and then YOU, you made this... Son-ni-chu thing. I mean... it’s like... ah, this is, something’s, something’s not right here, you know? But, but, but since you did bring up Youtube, I got, I got kind of an interesting little thing... that I noticed, in one of your recent videos, heh. I mean, I don’t know what exactly you were thinking, with this, um... you know, you did [[Twin Falling Towers|that video with the, ah... 9/11]]. I can’t say I really enjoyed that too much. I mean... that kinda hits... that kinda hits close to home to me, you know, I mean...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I, yeah, I realize, I realize that now, and I have received the complaints so, yeah that’s why I have... I put that...

'''Matthew:'''You’re lucky I don’t... you’re lucky I don’t have a Youtube, son. I mean, my... I mean, that hits close to home to me. My MOTHER, Kacey’s grandmother... y’know, she DIED on 9/11.

'''Chris:''' I, um... I’m sorry to hear that. Yeah, and I, uh, I mean, it’s like, I did not mean to hit that, hit that fragile emotion, ah, it was originally, ah, a thing, against a longer, worser- worser Internet [[troll]], who goes by the name of [[Clyde Cash]], whose alias is Gregg Mays, and...

'''Matthew:''' You made a video...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that’s just a whole nother story, right there. Anyway, I had...

'''Matthew:''' You made a video, basically, just trying to, trying to mess with some... GUY... on the Internet... that makes fun of one of the greatest American tragedies of our lifetime- no, THE Amer- greatest American tragedy of our lifetime.

'''Chris:''' Mm... yes, but, yeah but this guy, uh, he’s done a lot, he’s done a lot of things against me, yeah, on the Internet, trying to... you know... y-yeah, trying to destroy my good name with, uh, a whole bunch of twisted tru- told a whole bunch of twisted truths and phrases, and, words, and, I- that I have said, he just twist them around to- in evil ways and just, like some, and just, try- he’s one of those that just- and trying to slander my good name... And, uh, worse off, and worse off, and worse off, and worse off...

'''Matthew:''' Okay, let me ask you... let me ask you something. Where were you, on 9/11? I mean, they say everybody remembers where they were on 9/11 when they heard that those towers were going down, when a plane had hit those towers, and THOUSANDS of people DIED.

'''Chris:''' Yeah... I do remember where I was on, uh, 9/11, yeah, I was a, I had just, uh, I was just, uh, let go, from uh, my job at, uh, Wendy’s, it was uh, for, there was some differences between me and my employer, you know, I... [''trails off with a faint groan''] Yeah, but anyway,

'''Matthew:''' Would you like to know where Kacey was? Would you like to know where Kacey was?

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, okay, well, if I may finish, if I may finish, yeah, I was-

'''Matthew:''' No. No, I’m sorry. No, no, Kacey was AT Ground Zero. She was giving BLOOD, and plasma, volunteering, and where were you again?

'''Chris:''' [''Pause''] Hm. Yeah, I was out shopping with my mom that day.

'''Matthew:''' ...Uh-huh. Really. That’s...

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' ...That’s wonderful. Wait a minute, you said Wendy’s before. That... are you changing stories on me? H-have you been, like, changing stories on me through this entire call?

'''Chris:'''No, no I'm not changing-

'''Matthew:''' Are you just making shit up now?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not changing stories, this is the same story, I had just gotten fired from the Wendy's and I was feeling down, and I, I was feeling down...

'''Matthew:''' You'd been FIRED from Wendy's.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I was, yeah, let go. I was let go from Wendy's, and I was sad, I was sad about that, you know, they gave me...

'''Matthew:''' WHY?

'''Chris:''' I told you! It was, it was because of, uh, emotional differences.

'''Matthew:''' Emotional differences.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, my, my, my employer, my...

'''Matthew:''' That's...this is absolutely nothing, that just sounds like a bunch of bullsheeit.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' Also sounds a little GAY. [''Chris stammers, splutters, and sighs in the background''] I mean, what, did the fry cook break up with you or something? I mean, come on.

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] No! It was nothing, it was nothing like that! It was a misunderstanding, something...

'''Matthew:''' Why do you sigh so much? That's just irritating.

'''Chris:''' That was, that was, that was misunderstanding, that was just, there was a whole bunch of misunderstandings between me and my employer, and he, and he has, and he had, and he had, and he had a spike on his shoulder against me. And, and, and, and then, and then that was why he, and then that was why he eventually fired me...

'''Matthew:''' [''has been trying to interrupt Chris's stammering for a while''] WHAT KIND OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Like I, like I did, like I did some things that he thought were bad but were, that he thought were bad but were actually good. And then he let, and then he, and then he let me, and then he let me go based on that. Anyway, yeah, I, anyway, this was a couple of days before 9/11 and I was still feeling down from being let go, and then, on 9/11 I was out shopping with my mother that day.

===Maturity, and [[chores]]===
'''Matthew:''' Good god, I mean, you sound like you're just, you sound like you're just some simpering little...your voice is all wavery...good lord. You want to date...YOU? You want to date my daughter? You're not even giving me an ounce of respect now.

'''Chris:''' Oh come, oh come, oh come on, I grew up a lot, I grew up a lot since then! [''rapidly loses coherence''] I've grown, I've grown up a lot, in sounds, in sounds, duetothegirl, and, sounds strite, sound, in sound mind.

'''Matthew:''' Goddamn. This just sounds like a bunch of fucking whining. You're not even, you don't even sound like half the man that other Chris sounds like at this point. You don't sound like you've grown up. You play fucking Pokeymon all the time!

'''Chris:''' [''Chris's dander is up.''] I am, I am, I am a grown-up ''sir''! I have moved, I have [[Pokéwalker of Fail|moved on]] from Pokémon [[June 2010|years ago]]! I am a grown-up! I have moved on from the childish things.

'''Matthew:''' No, you didn't move from...you went from Pokémon to Sonichu. What the fuck? This is still just kid shit. You don't have a job. You're still living with your parents. Almost 30 years old. This is ridiculous. You want to date my daughter. You realize that she's LEAGUES above you right now. She's out of your reach.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting a word in edgewise after many stammers''] I have, I have, I have suffered through my own, through my own trials and tribulations that would be war-like. I have suffered through a whole bunch of...enduring physical pains as well. You just could not, you just could not imagine...

'''Matthew:''' [''laughing''] Physical pain! [''more laughter''] God, this is...

'''Chris:''' I have, I have worked myself to the bone a lot!

'''Matthew:''' This is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' And I have, I have felt heartaches, and I have felt like...

'''Matthew:''' You don't know what physical pain feels like...

'''Chris:''' I have felt like I couldn't move on. But then, but then I still move on.

'''Matthew:''' ...until you have taken a bullet in the fucking chest. I'm lucky to be alive. My comrade, one of my good buddies, he wasn't so lucky. He died right next to me. I carried him back...

'''Chris:''' [''humbled''] Yeah, well, well, yeah, that is, that was, that was very heroic and I commend you for that good sir.

'''Matthew:''' Sure. Yeah. I'm sure. You don't need to commend me. Now you're just kissing ass.

'''Chris:''' No! I am not just, I am not kissing ass!

'''Matthew:''' Okay. Well then. Alright. So really, okay...I have one more question, what do you have to offer my daughter, really? After I've heard all this, what exactly do you have to offer a future med student? She had a good fiancé, and now you think you can take her?

'''Chris:''' Yes I could, because I could offer, I can, I can offer her...a whole bunch of support that, that, that, that Chris could not offer. Like I am, I am, I am [[Honest Content|HONEST]]...

'''Matthew:''' Really? He's going to be published! He has a job lined up!

'''Chris:''' Like, I am honest, I am loyal, I am STRONG...good natured...

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, but this guy spoke several languages, he had connections in the comic-book industry, this guy could get a job right out of college, and you're mooching off the government, off of ''MY'' tax money! And you want to date my daughter. These two had so much in common, Kacey and Chris. She loved everything about him. And you? You just sit around, play with toys, and what, video games? Is that what you buy with your welfare money? Like Pokeyman shit?

'''Chris:''' [[Pokéwalker of Fail|I have not played with Pokémon for years]], sir!

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what do you play with?

'''Chris:''' Hmph.

'''Matthew:''' You denied Pokeyman, but you didn't deny video games.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yeah, I, okay, I have, I have, I have played some Gui-, I have played some Guitar Hero.

'''Matthew:''' [[Guitar Hero]].

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' What the hell is that?

'''Chris:''' I have to stand, I have to stand up to play, I have to stand up and play gitar.

'''Matthew:''' You have to stand up to play ''guitar''! Oh, wow! That's...why don't you...that's just pathetic. You think that's exercise? Do you play a real guitar? I think the real Chris could play a real guitar.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] I work, I work hard for my father in his, in his gar-, in his gar-, in his garden! I pulled weeds! Those weeds are very hard to pull!

'''Matthew:''' Pulled weeds? My grandma pulled weeds! My grandma had arthritis and she pulled weeds every day!

'''Chris:''' [''short sigh''] Well, I'm sorry to hear that your grandma had ar-, had arthritis. But I, but I, I am, I am very strong sir. And I tell you, it was very hard and torturing work to pull, to pull, to, I was working under the hot hot sun, it was, those were very hot days!

'''Matthew:''' And you still look like a, I dunno, you look pretty fat to me. I mean, my Kacey, Kacey exercises. And she lost weight, she looks, you know, she looks wonderful. And you? I mean, do you even know...what is the hot sun? I've been in the Middle East. You don't know hot until you've been out in the fuckin' shit.

'''Chris:''' Okay, yes, okay, yes, I will agree with you that I cannot, I cannot understand heat, truly understand heat, until I'm truly in the middle of a desert. But still, it was, those were very hot days. And I pulled those weeds. And I even, I even, I even placed lumber around the edges of that garden, and I hammered labels of those flowers, and my, that my, that my father hand-wrote accurately, and figured, and, pat out the, and he showed me where to place them, I even helped him a little bit with placing them. And I placed, I hammered those labels hard into those pieces of lumber.

'''Matthew:''' That's, that just sounds like basic chores. Lumber, pulling weeds, on a good day I had to do 200 push-ups. And I saw [[30 Push-Ups|those push-ups you did]], whatever you call them. Push-ups? That's not push-ups. That was, I dunno, you looked like you were flopping around like a.... fish. Actually kinda looked like you were humping the floor or something.

'''Chris:''' [''unfazed''] I even mowed the lawn!

'''Matthew:''' Mowed the lawn! [''laughs''] Wow.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, and again, those were very hot days, too. And sometimes the lawnmower would quit on me! And I'd have to practically kick-start it, with my foot, I had to kick it to start it up again!

'''Matthew:''' You know, I see seven-year-olds who mow lawns all day for a summer job. All day. All summer. They do it just, they handle it just fine, why can't you? Oh, yeah, and they get paid for it, might I add.

'''Chris:''' [''Getting very angry at this point'']Yeah, well, I was not, well, I was not paid for mowing the lawn. And also, you know what? Another heavy-duty burden I had to take care of, and that I wasn't paid for? When [[Patti Chandler|my dog]] died, a few years ago, she was a sweet dog, I moved, I lifted and carried her doghouse to the site where we buried her. Her doghouse. That thing had to weigh, like, five, ten tons.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief'']

'''Chris:''' It was very heavy! I carried that thing.

===Death and fake Internet women===
'''Matthew:''' [''about to break down laughing''] You're talking to me about how your dog died, you're talking about someone who has lost friends and family in national tragedies. My mother, I had...I had to deal with the loss of my mother, not to old age, but to...fucking...a plane by fucking...piloted by terrorists. My gran-, my mother was killed by terrorists.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, my...

'''Matthew:''' And your...but, but your heavy burden is your dog died. I'm sorry, but boo, really, I've had dogs die, it sucks, but that's nothing... that's nothing...

'''Chris:''' Y'know, yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well, I was very sad when she died. It was not a matter of age, it was pretty much, yeah, she was very sickly, there was nothing we could do, so I, I signed that form to give them permission to put her to sleep. I let her, I let her go, that was an emotional burden on me. And I have, I have been, my aunt Corrina died just a few months, just a few months, just last January, because of, because of heart cancer.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] Are you, are you...

'''Chris:''' It was very, it was very saddening, I was very...

'''Matthew:''' I'm sorry, are you messing with me? Are you trying to compare the loss of my mother, the loss of someone who took care of me for years, to a dog? Are you calling my mother a dog?

'''Chris:''' I am not calling your mother a dog.

'''Matthew:''' [''[[stress sigh]] of his own''] I had to dig my mother out of the rubble of the Twin Towers. I mean, and you had to lift a doghouse.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'll tell you, that doghouse was heavier than any tombstone. And that doghouse pretty much was the tombstone!

'''Matthew:''' Sounds like you're fucking with me now.

'''Chris:''' I am not! I am being very HONEST with you sir! I'm telling you the honest truth from my, from my sound mind and my sound heart.

'''Matthew:''' I'm starting to, I'm starting to really kinda doubt this whole honesty thing you keep talking about. How do you think, how do you think Kacey would feel if I told her about this? What do you think, how do you think she would feel about you comparing this whole lifting a 30-, 50-pound doghouse to maybe a 100-, 200-pound tombstone? That doghouse was probably, what, made of wood? This is solid rock!

'''Chris:''' No, it was, it was, no, I mean, yeah, this is, it was wood ''and'' plastic, that thing had to weigh over a hundred pounds!

'''Matthew:''' Plastic's pretty light, you know. I'm sorry, this is, this isn't even close to the same.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' And that's just, that's just that...you know, if you had told this to Kacey, she would probably be, she would be so angry. You're just totally grasping at [[The Oversized Drinking Straw of Fail|straws]] at this point.

'''Chris:''' [''mutters under his breath''] Yeah, well, also I've been to a whole bunch of this, also, to go off talk, off-topic a bit, or going back to an old topic, that I have been DECEIVED BY THE TROLLS! A bunch of them pretending to be women who I thought were honest over the Internet when I was talking to them for the first time for a while!

'''Matthew:''' WHO GIVES A SHIT about the Internet?

'''Chris:''' And some, and some of them, and some of them were actually, and some of them were actually two honest women...

'''Matthew:''' BE A MAN...

'''Chris:''' And those [[PandaHalo|two]] [[Ivy|women]] died! I was very, I was very heartbroken by that! And yet I was even more heartbroken when I found out that...

'''Matthew:''' YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE!

'''Chris:''' I, I...I may not admit, okay, well, yes...

'''Matthew:''' Wait, wait, didn't you say, fake women? Did you say that these women were fake? So wait, these women were probably fake...fake women died?

'''Chris:''' [''in a state of great consternation''] I didn't, I didn't...no! I'm talking about, no, two of them, a coup-, a few of them were real women.

'''Matthew:''' And how many of these women have you gone through?

'''Chris:''' I have not been able to go to them. But one, there was this [[Julie|one time]] where I actually thought it was a woman, and I actually drove a whole, a whole, a whole day's worth back and forth, almost 24 hours, from my house to Cleveland, Ohio, where it turned out that was, that was, that was a bad lead. I drove a whole, I drove a whole, almost 20, I drove from five in the morning to 12 o'clock, to about, just after about, after midnight. To find out that the destination was a bad one, and that was, that was an imposterous troll.

'''Matthew:''' So you went to go to...Ohio, for a fake woman, but my Kacey just told me that you won't go and visit her, a real woman?

'''Chris:''' I, I, I, I...[''angry, incoherent stammering'']

'''Matthew:''' I am looking at Kacey right ''now''.

'''Chris:''' But you're in...

'''Matthew:''' You wouldn't even go to D.C., that's like two hours away. And you've met her before, for God's sake?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean, I was more naïve, I was more naïve back then, but I am very less naïve now. I have been very less naïve for about, for about a year now.

'''Matthew:''' I am not convinced.

'''Chris:''' [''He's snapping.''] OH COME ON. YOU SHOULD BE CONVINCED!

===The maggot manchild and shit starts to hit the fan===
'''Matthew:''' [''Laughing with frustration''] "Oh come on"? You know who, you know who you're talking to, son? What the fuck is this? Now you're just talking back to me like a little kid. Don't yell at me, you maggot! Piece of shit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, yeah, you, you're obviously talking to me like, as if I was a child. And I am not a child.

'''Matthew:''' Because you are a child, you're acting like a child.

'''Chris:''' I am not a child, I am a MAN. I am a STRONG MAN. I have been through a whole bunch of emotional and physical traumas in my life!

'''Matthew:''' You haven't proven a thing to me, you've shown me nothing that could even possibly suggest that you are a man.

'''Chris:''' Well, sometimes my memory fails me!

'''Matthew:''' You're just sitting around in your parents' house, crying about your little dog, playing video games, whining about women on the Internet. Some lazy little maggot...

'''Chris:''' [''Full-blown tard rage erupts''] I AM NOT, I AM NOT LAZY!

'''Matthew:''' You're living with your parents and you don't have a job, how is that not lazy?!

'''Chris:''' Well, maybe I, maybe I don't have a job, but I do work around the house! I lift a whole bunch of...

'''Matthew:''' Chores! I do those every day, and I'm retired!

'''Chris:''' They're not just chores! They're not just chores.

'''Matthew:''' Yes-they-are! EVERYONE works around the house.

'''Chris:''' Maybe everyone works around the house, but they don't, they differ from burden to burden to... [''stress sigh''] ...heavy weights! I mean...

'''Matthew:''' I've seen, you know, I was looking around that YouTube, I saw [[Tour of Chris's House|a video of your house]]. It's a FUCKING MESS! You call that working around the house? Are you trying to be, and you're trying to be some kind of house-husband or something?

'''Chris:''' Well, most of that mess belongs to my mother and I can't really, I can't really organize it without her being able to help me, without her being able to point out where to put everything!

'''Matthew:''' Oh, it's your mom's fault. That's real mature.

'''Chris:''' She's a, well, okay, yeah, I admit, she's a bit of a pack rat. And since she retired from secretarial work, she's been more lazy, I'll admit that.

'''Matthew:''' But your room is a mess, too. What do you have to say about that? I mean, this is nothing. At this rate...

'''Chris:''' [''On the edge of tears''] It may be nothing, it may be, it may be nothing...

'''Matthew:''' You're a pack rat too.

'''Chris:''' I am not a, I am not that bad of a pack rat. I mean, I even brought, I even brought a bunch, I even brought practically all that stuff into the house. And I had to bring in a couch and I had to bring in the hutch, among other pieces of furniture, among the smaller pieces of stuff, smaller bunches of junk that my mom got! That's a lot, that's a lot of heavy lifting. And it was very hard.

'''Matthew:''' Who doesn't have to push furniture? All this stuff you're talking about, these heavy burdens sound like stuff everybody has to do at least at some point. This is nothing, this is just regular, everyday housework. This isn't real work. This is chores.

'''Chris:''' I...oh! And you don't think...!

'''Matthew:''' This is kids' stuff.

'''Chris:''' Oh, and you don't think carrying your soldier friend on your back was a heavy burden? That was a heavy burden?

'''Matthew:''' What...what the fu...are you mocking me?!

'''Chris:''' I am not mocking you!

'''Matthew:''' Is this...are you comparing...

'''Chris:''' I'm just, I'm just pointing out, I'm just pointing out that what you did was a heavy burden under...

'''Matthew:''' I don't know even know what to say to this!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, that is, yeah, that is a heavy burden because you were fighting to save, you were fighting to save your friend's life...

===Kacey returns===
'''Matthew:''' Kacey, c'mon, come over here. You gotta listen to this guy. This is great.

'''Kacey:''' Oh, what's up, daddy?

'''Matthew:''' What is...I mean...this guy is just fucking with me...

'''Kacey:''' Daddy, you sound mad, what's wrong?

'''Matthew:''' This guy's just fucking with me, he's not even, he's not even respecting me at all. He's a disrespectful...

'''Kacey:''' What, he's disrespecting you? What is he doing?

'''Matthew:''' I don't know, he's just talking about all this faggot kiddie shit. How he has to move chairs and do, oh no, housework! And he's comparing that to when your grandma died.

'''Kacey:''' He's WHAT?

'''Matthew:''' Yeah. I mean, he's talking about all these "heavy burdens" he's had to face, you know, saying it's a heavy burden, kind of like...of course, you remember when we lost grandma...

'''Kacey:''' Oh my God, I know, I had to volunteer just to get my mind off it...

'''Matthew:''' This guy has nothing to offer you.

'''Chris:''' [''He's still combative.''] I have a lot to offer her!

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' I have plenty to offer her!

'''Matthew:''' Like what?!

'''Kacey:''' Don't yell at my father like that! You need to respect him, he's a retired Marine!

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I do respect your father, Kacey.

'''Kacey:''' Well, you need to be nice to him! What are you going to do if he doesn't like you?

'''Chris:''' [''another sigh''] I mean, I want, I was being nice to him, but then he started to insult me, he was talking down to me like as if I was a child, when I'm an adult.

'''Matthew:''' I already don't like...

'''Kacey:''' Chris! He's way older than you! He's your elder! To him, you are a child! I'm a child to him!

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, I guess in compar-, I guess in comparison, yeah, that is true. But I just don't like being talked, I just feel, I just basically, just turns me off when I'm talked down to and such. I mean, I have to put up with my father talking down to me and such, and he starts more arguments than there are flies in the garbage dump!

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but my father doesn't get angry easily.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' You can't act like a child like that! He is your elder! You're trying to ask him PERMISSION.

'''Chris:''' Yeah...

'''Kacey:''' What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Well...yeah...

'''Kacey:''' Apologize!

'''Chris:''' Yeah... [''heavy sigh''] Yeah. [''more sighing''] I apologize, Matthew. I apologize for talking back to you. I just got, I got, I got carried away. Especially from feeling like I was being talked down to. Mm...I mean, surely, yeah, you can understand that, I'm sure your father talked down to you, you, even when you were about my age. And I do not mean to insult you or your father, I just felt like it was a fair compar-, I just felt like it was a good comparison there, but anyway. I apologize for yelling at you, and raising my voice.

'''Matthew:''' I don't even know how you think you can call me by my name right now.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' I don't believe a goddamn word you just said. I'm sorry. No, I'm not sorry, actually.

'''Chris:''' Well...believe it or not, it is the whole, honest truth, that I have been telling you this whole time.

'''Matthew:''' Honest. [''snort''] If that's the truth, I'm afraid to say you're pretty fucked. You're just using people from the Internet as scapegoats for your problems. And you were lying when you first met Kacey. That's what I've gotten about this. You...are not good enough for my daughter. Chris, on the other hand, has my blessing.

'''Chris:''' [''massive stress sigh'']
===Literature and health===
'''Matthew:''' And if the Internet is such a problem for you, I mean, just get rid of it. What do you have to do? Just call up whoever it is, AOL, whatever it is you use, just call 'em and say "I don't want the Internet anymore." That's all you have to do. You don't need it for anything. Go to a library!

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a bunch...yeah, well, I have a bunch of ties on the Internet and for your information I do go to libraries. I read a lot of books.

'''Matthew:''' Really? What was the last book you read?

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Mockingbird}}The last book I read... was ''[[Wikipedia:To Kill a Mockingbird|To Kill a Mockingbird]]''.

'''Matthew:''' That's high-school shit.

'''Chris:''' You call this high-school, I call it adult, I call it...

'''Matthew:''' Kacey read that in high school, Kacey read that as a freshman in high school.

'''Chris:''' I call it adult drama.

'''Matthew:''' An adult drama.

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It was very dramatic, and I felt for the characters in that, in that story, just like I feel for every character, all the characters in the stor-, in the stories that I have read, throughout my whole life.

'''Matthew:''' So what exactly did you learn from this book?

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] I... have... learned... that I have to be able to cope and be patient with, with a, with everybody who makes, a whole lot of people that may appear to be impatient or that could be hard to put up with. Like George had to put up with Lenny throughout the story. I mean, I'd say that's...

'''Matthew:''' That's ''[[Wikipedia:Of Mice and Men|Of Mice and Men]]''.

'''Chris:''' Oh, I'm sorry, I'm getting my stories mixed up. Yeah. Yeah. ''To Kill a Mockingbird''. Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' Yeeeaaaaah... did you even read this book?

'''Chris:''' Yes I did! The dramatic story, the story about that girl who was living with her family throughout the Depression and there was that guy in the store who was nice enough to leave her gifts in the tree trunk. That was like, that was definitely a story of, like, definitely, you know, be kind to your neighbor and they'll, and they'll, and they'll be kind to you. That's still another kind of, another, it's another story where you have to learn to be patient...

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't sound like the American classic that I know. I'm sorry. This is... just sounds like a bunch of horseshit. Do you remember the court scene?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, the what?

'''Matthew:''' The court scene in the book? That was pretty big, it was a pretty major part of the book. Do you even remember who [[Wikipedia:Atticus Finch|Atticus Finch]] was? That was probably the pivotal moment of the book.

'''Chris:''' Atticus... hm... Atticus... hm, I do believe that was the lawyer in that story.

'''Matthew:''' Yesss... man, you call yourself smart? You aren't smart enough for Kacey. When did you read this?

'''Chris:''' I... I've read it, about a month ago.

'''Matthew:''' A month ago.

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Matthew:''' You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.

'''Chris:''' [''Rage button pushed''] Stuff... candy... don't... I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!

'''Matthew:''' Wooooowww! [''laughs''] What the fuck are you talking about? I mean, I don't even know what the hell...

'''Chris:''' I eat and drink healthy.

'''Matthew:''' And you look like that. You don't even know what I just said, do you? You completely missed that I was, that little analogy back there.

'''Chris:''' No, no, I...

'''Matthew:''' Kacey says you eat [[McDonald's]]. You say you eat healthy, but you eat at McDonald's?

'''Chris:''' I have a, I have salads over at McDonald's. And I drink the lemonade over there.

'''Matthew:''' That lemonade is full of sugar. You know, [[Liquid|Chris]] is, Chris is fit, I've seen that man, he has rock-hard abs. That guy makes a Marine proud. And he can cook, he doesn't go to McDonald's because he doesn't need to.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can cook too! And sometimes I do cook!

'''Matthew:''' You know, he and Kacey like to go running together. Why don't you go running with Kacey, rather than sitting around eating fast food all day?

'''Chris:''' I do go out, I do go out for jogs, sir. I do go out jogging. And if Kacey was here I would be happy to go jogging with her. Or even running, I'd be happy to do that as well.

'''Matthew:''' You think you could do five miles like Kacey and Chris do? Five miles?

[[Image:208x228 Advice-CWC-I-JOG-FIVE-MILES-A-DAY.jpg|thumb|Yep!]]

'''Chris:''' Yep!

'''Matthew:''' That's a brisk jog.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I could do five miles with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' Someone who looks like you can run five miles? I'm sorry, that's bullshit.

'''Chris:''' You're...[''angry sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' You look like you couldn't even do five seconds running. In fact, I was watching, I was watching those push-ups, you got winded after... that was thirty seconds of push-ups and you were sweating like a pig.

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] Well, wouldn't you sweat?

'''Matthew:''' I don't...with that much...? Fuck, that's nothing.

'''Chris:''' WARRIORS, WARRIORS...

'''Matthew:''' I'm a Marine. Not after... a few push-ups like that? That's nothing. Okay, but... how much and how often do you jog? I sweat maybe... maybe after, I don't know, ten miles on a hot day.

'''Chris:''' I have been jogging for about fifteen minutes on a daily basis.

'''Matthew:''' Fifteen minutes. So you go...you go, what, a quarter of a mile and you call it quits? That's pussy shit. And that's just jogging. Kacey could run, Kacey runs for at least an hour.

'''Chris:''' Well, that's good.

'''Matthew:''' Five miles is like a two-hour jog, you know.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I have a, I have a whole bunch of potential, I can run five miles with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' I would love to see that. I mean, why don't you? You can't... you say you could. You're just saying you have potential. That doesn't sell me. You can't sell me with "potential." Why don't you run five miles, and maybe, maybe I'll think otherwise.

'''Chris:''' It would be hard to video, to video-record five mile running. But I can run five miles, with Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' You can?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I can! And I will the first chance I get!

'''Matthew:''' But why with Kacey, though, why can't you just do it on your own? You have a camera, don't you? It wouldn't be so hard to just hold a camera and run, would it? That's easily, easily do-able.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Matthew:''' Why don't you just figure out how to do that? You said you're good with computers. I don't know shit about computers and I can do that. I barely even know what a [[Wikipedia:Microsoft Windows|Windows]] is.

'''Chris:''' You barely know what a Windows is?

'''Matthew:''' Don't...[''sputters'']... don't patronize me.

'''Chris:''' I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to understand what you just said, you say you don't understand Windows?

'''Matthew:''' What I'm trying to say is, I don't know shit about computers and I could figure out how to do that. I could figure out how to hold a camera and fuckin' run for five miles. That's...how could you not figure out how to do that?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, think about this, do you think the batteries would be able to last five miles?

'''Matthew:''' Running? Shit. You're running, you're not jogging, it's not gonna take two hours.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, still, yeah, well... yeah, well, I can't...

'''Matthew:''' Besides, think of it as a time limit of some sort, you know? You gotta run fast enough so you can get all of it in before the batteries run out. That would take like... half an hour at most. Batteries last that long.

'''Chris:''' Alright, so a half hour running? I'll be happy to do a half hour of running with my digital camera.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs''] Fine. Show me.

'''Chris:''' Alright, I will.

'''Matthew:''' Until then, until then, you are not good enough for Kacey. You are just a maggot.

'''Chris:''' Well. You may call me a maggot, but I'm a pretty dang strong one.

'''Matthew:''' I'm gonna go talk to Kacey, I gotta tell her, you do not deserve Kacey. Kacey lifts more than you, how does that feel? The strong man outdone by a woman.

'''Chris:''' Well I may not feel pleasant, if that was the case, then I could not say I did not try.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs'']

'''Chris:''' But I...
===Liquid Chris and minimum wage jobs===
'''Matthew:''' While you're at it, you don't, you don't try, if you had tried you would have gotten out of your house, you would have gotten a job, you would have... you would be like [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Chris:''' [''long pause''] Yeah, well, I am much stronger and I am much better than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]].

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' Oh, yes I am!

'''Matthew:''' But why don't you have, you don't have a job! You're not stronger than [[Liquid Chris|Chris]], you're not smarter than Chris.

'''Chris:''' I am stronger and I am smarter than Chris!

'''Matthew:''' You're not living on your own. How can you even say that? And he's younger than you!

'''Chris:''' I say that because it's true.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' You do not think so...you may not think so...

'''Matthew:''' I was so happy, when Kacey said she was going to marry [[Liquid Chris|Chris]]. But then, I don't know, he vanished or something, I don't know what happened...

'''Chris:''' Yeah, that would be the point where he made his video on [[YouTube]] where he pretended he was being kidnapped and then that's where he hid away for a number of, for a few months.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, and that devastated her. You don't know how much she missed him.

'''Chris:''' I do, I do, because she has shared that with me.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, I would much rather believe him...

'''Chris:''' She has shared that with me and I have comforted the her. I have emotionally supported her.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think she... she wasn't nearly that, I don't think she was nearly as happy as when the police finally called her about that. I think you're just trying to get, I think you're just trying to get my little Kacey for a booty call.

'''Chris:''' Believe me sir, it would not just be for a booty call, it would be for a strong relationship with all the loyalty and trust and honesty that a woman can ever want. [''shifts to a momentous tone, half under his breath''] EVER.

 '''Matthew:''' But you can't even move out. She needs a man, a man who can support himself and keep a job. You got fired from [[Wendy's]], most people quit because it sucks. You got FIRED. You weren't GOOD ENOUGH for Wendy's. What are you gonna do, what are you gonna do if she gets pregnant and she can't work?

'''Chris:''' If she gets pregnant and can't work, then I would be working. I would be working VERY HARD AND HEAVILY.

'''Matthew:''' What kind of job?

'''Chris:''' If I have to I would be, get one of the heavyweights, that just moves the boxes around the, stock the shelves at a grocery store. At the least. If not better.

'''Matthew:''' That makes minimum wage at best. That's not a real job. You know how much minimum wage is?

'''Chris:''' At the current rate, it's about $8 an hour.

'''Matthew:''' That's not good enough! Get a good job! You can't live off that! Especially after taxes.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I can get a good job, and I will.

'''Matthew:''' If you want to do lifting, you go work in a warehouse or something. And last I checked, minimum wage was $7.25.

'''Chris:''' [''takes a contemptuous tone''] Huh! You must have checked, no offense, but you must have checked like five years ago. [''In fact, [[Wikipedia:List of U.S. minimum wages|Matt is correct]].'']

'''Matthew:''' And how would you know? You don't have a job!

'''Chris:''' Because it was over five years ago, I was working for that minimum wage, and that was $7.50.

'''Matthew:''' That wasn't minimum wage.

'''Chris:''' Yes it was. And that was back at Wa-Wendy's!

'''Matthew:''' You know you can get paid more at jobs than minimum wage? I just looked it up right now, it says $7.25.

'''Chris:''' Hm. Maybe that's average minimum wage.

'''Matthew:''' Don't lie to me. Look...

'''Chris:''' I am not lying to you.

'''Matthew:''' Kacey, come on, Kacey, come over here, listen to this horseshit, ''listen to this horseshit''.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' What's wrong now, Daddy?

'''Matthew:''' What's this he's talking about... minimum wage is $7.25, right?

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. It went up in July, I remember because it was around my birthday.

'''Matthew:''' This guy's lying again. Why is it...I'm looking right here on this webpage, that's exactly what it says.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah, it happened on July 24, that was like...

'''Matthew:''' Why does this guy keep lying to me? How do I know that anything he says is true?

'''Chris:''' I stand corrected! I stand corrected. On current minimum wage.

'''Matthew:''' Don't argue with me.

'''Chris:''' Alright.
===Respect and listening skills===
'''Kacey:''' Is he being disrespectful again, Daddy?

'''Matthew:''' He's always been... he's been disrespectful this whole time.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] I have not been lying!

'''Matthew:''' When Kacey says it, when Kacey says it you believe it now.

'''Kacey:''' I just don't understand.

'''Matthew:''' I don't understand either.

'''Chris:''' I can't say I'm in full understanding either.

'''Kacey:''' That doesn't even make sense. Like, I shouldn't have to pick up the other line and have to hear this. I mean, what are you doing, are you trying to sabotage this?

'''Chris:''' No. Just, throughout, throughout this whole conversation I have been telling the [[True and honest|honest truth]], from memory. As far as I know.

'''Kacey:''' Okay, but this doesn't make sense. Like, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] charmed my dad within five minutes. Why are you still fighting with him? Why are you lying to my father?

'''Chris:''' I have not been lying to your father. I have been telling him the truth throughout my best and honest knowledge. From my heart and from my head.

'''Kacey:''' What are you wanting me to think, that you're dumb or something?

'''Chris:''' I...wh...no. [''pause''] I, I...[''drowned out by Kacey'']

'''Kacey:''' Well, then what's going on?! Why does my dad look so upset? I haven't seem him this upset in a long time.

'''Chris:''' Well, I can't read, I cannot read his mind, so...

'''Kacey:''' Well, no, no-one expects you to, but you could be respectful to him.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, um, I mean, yeah, I was doing my best to be respectful. But then...and then he started, he started...

'''Kacey:''' My Dad is not going to lie to me, and obviously whenever I get on the phone you're calm and everything, so is something going on when I'm not on the phone? Like are you being two-faced?

'''Chris:''' No, I am not being two-faced. I have been one-f-, I have been the one-faced this whole conversation. I swear, hand to [[God]].

'''Kacey:''' You shouldn't do that, we don't swear to God, and my dad wouldn't lie to me.

'''Matthew:''' One-faced side of bullshit.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, he's been contradicting me, and talking to me in a negative way...

'''Kacey:''' Okay, you guys, I'm going to go. Talk nice.

'''Chris:''' I have been, I have been, I was talking nice. And then he started contradicting me with those words, like, yeah, and, uh, hm, and put, and putting me down, like even call, even call, even calling me a pussy, or, among other things. And then that, and then that just...grinded my gears.

'''Matthew:''' You know, Kacey is gone. She's not listening right now. She didn't hear anything you just said.

'''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh'']

'''Portal Turret:''' Target lost.

'''Matthew:''' Stop [[sigh]]ing so much.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm speechless at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' Didn't you just hear, she... hear her say she was getting off?

'''Chris:''' Uhh...hear her say she was getting off?

'''Matthew:''' Do you pay attention to anything? Ever? To the words that I am saying?

'''Chris:''' I, I'm, I do pay attention. But I, I did not hear "I'm getting off."

'''Matthew:''' This is... this, do you even listen to her at all? How can you be a good boyfriend? You don't listen to anything.

'''Chris:''' I, I do, I do listen! And I, and ob-, obviously, she must have said it in a quiet tone, because I did not hear it. [''Actually, Chris was talking over her at the time, but never mind.'']

'''Matthew:''' But this is... she was pretty upset. She wasn't that quiet.

'''Chris:''' W... well, I'm sorry she's upset.

'''Matthew:''' And now, what I'm saying right now, is that before you can say you are better than Chris, you need to get a job, you need to move out from your parents, you need to be independent. You need to show me that you're a man. And you... you also have to have the ability to not lie to me. I'm getting all tongue-tied, because...just...you don't know how frustrating this is. I mean, I haven't done that in years.

'''Chris:''' Yes, I agree with you, this is frustrating.

'''Matthew:''' And you are lucky her mother isn't here.

'''Chris:''' And I pro-, and I send... I promise you. I have not been lying.

'''Matthew:''' How is this, how is this frustrating to you? You sound like you just have the easiest life in the world.

'''Chris:''' Because, because, because, because you're, because you're frustrated, and your frustration is reflecting onto me and it's making me feel frustrated. It's making me feel frustrated.

===Chris's pathetic life and diseased ticker===
'''Matthew:''' You sit around...what are you going to do after this? You're gonna go home, you're gonna go play [[video games]] again or something?

'''Chris:''' No...

'''Matthew:''' Nobody can get you to do anything. Play your [[Pokemon|Pokeymans]], watch [[TV]]. Sleep. Eat [[McDonald's]]. That's, that's your life.

'''Chris:''' That is not my life.

'''Matthew:''' Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' It's a lot, it's a lot more than that. I do a lot more than...

'''Matthew:''' Oh, yeah, I forgot, you do chores, too.

'''Chris:''' See, this, you know, this is why I was talking to Kacey about...

'''Matthew:''' You talk and you get angry at people on the Internet who you've never seen before.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, see, right now you're just...you're just saying some, saying some of the things that sit aside from the good for me, honest, from, aside from the good things, yeah, everything I've said, I have been, I have been very honest about, and you're just taking the bad pieces that can, you're just taking some of that honesty and you're just reflecting it onto me and, you're just making it sound bad. Like it's a bad thing. And that makes me feel bad.

'''Matthew:''' It IS a bad thing. What good qualities do you have that aren't LIES? You started this whole relationship on a lie. My daughter doesn't deserve that. And now you're blaming me for all this that's going on.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, fuck it, I'm gonna, could you just, look, okay, well, you did not let me say that...

'''Matthew:''' You just met me.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, well, I'm talking to you over the phone, that is [''dissolves into gibberish momentarily'']...

'''Matthew:''' You don't...it just sounds like you don't want to admit any of your faults. You just...

'''Chris:''' I am, I am happy to admit my faults.

'''Matthew:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Yes. Okay, well, for one, sometimes, I don't think things through and I make, end up in the decision I thought was good at first may end up being the bad decision.

'''Matthew:''' O... kay?

'''Chris:''' But yeah, I have been improving on that and thinking things through fully. Making sure that...

'''Matthew:''' Everyone does that, everyone, you know, makes a mistake every now and then. Okay?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well...

'''Matthew:''' Let's start with something easy. Let's tell me...tell me...how about you admit that you're, well, okay, I'll just say it. [[Obesity|FAT]]. And lazy.

'''Chris:''' {{anchor|Buddha belly}}Okay, well, I admit I do have a Buddha belly, but I am not lazy, I do get out and about, I exercise, I jog and work out, and I eat healthy.

'''Matthew:''' Doesn't show at all. How often do you watch TV? And you said you jog for fifteen minutes. That's... that's not gonna burn calories.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I'm working up to thirty minutes.

'''Matthew:''' Thirty minutes. And compared to...how does this compare to how much TV you watch?

'''Chris:''' For your information, I watch only about four hours of television.

'''Matthew:''' Four hours of television.

'''Chris:''' In a day.

'''Matthew:''' A day. That... I don't think that's true. That just doesn't sound, you kinda paused right there? You sound like you actually had to think about it for a second. I don't think that's true.

'''Chris:''' Well, when I had to count it up, I did have to think about it. But yes, it is true, I watch four hours of television in a day.

'''Matthew:''' Four hours, that's still quite a bit, hasn't Kacey told you anything about how important it is to take care of yourself?

'''Chris:''' Yes, we have, we have talked about that. And I have listened to her about that, and I have been taking the appropriate steps and abiding with her words in mind and heeding her advice as such.

'''Matthew:''' Really...because she's still pretty worried about you, she says. She think something's gonna happen to you, you know. She thinks it's not looking good. And didn't she, she told me you were on [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]]?

'''Chris:''' Hmm.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, I know about that stuff. That's something people my age take. I don't take it myself, but I know people who do.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, for your information, my doctor got me off, took me off [[Wikipedia:Atorvastatin|Lipitor]] a couple of months ago.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' I still don't think you...you still don't sound like you're terribly healthy. Okay, watching TV aside, and you play video games, how long do you do that a day, huh? I mean, with how much you sit around, your metabolism must not be so hot.

'''Chris:''' How long... do I sit around? I would not say that I sit around that much. I would say...

'''Matthew:''' And play... okay, how much do you play video games?

'''Chris:''' About two hours in a day.

'''Matthew:''' Two hours a day.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so that's at least six hours you spend sitting around doing absolutely nothing in your room. That's a quarter of a day. In six hours you could have worked a part-time job.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I, but, the time I do not spend in front of the television is the time I spend exercising. That's about half of the day.

'''Matthew:''' You do not spend half of a day exercising. If you spent half a day exercising, you would have at least lost that little [[Wikipedia:Budai|Buddha belly]] and those man-tits of yours.

'''Chris:''' Okay, now I'm feeling insulted with those, with what you just said there.

'''Matthew:''' And you just told me fifteen minutes, so you're lying again.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, maybe, yeah, well, fifteen minutes jogging, upon the pacing of the spacing of the jogging.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so you don't even run fifteen minutes altogether, at one time?

'''Chris:''' It's fifteen, they're, fifteen minutes, they're fifteen-minute intervals, like I do fifteen minutes in one hour, then the next hour I do another fifteen minutes of jogging.

'''Matthew:''' But that doesn't help you at all. All that...that means there's 45 minutes of you doing nothing every hour. By then your heart rate has gone down, the exercise is gonna do nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' My heart rate has been, has been good.

'''Matthew:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I can guarantee that.

'''Matthew:''' Do you even know what you're talking about?

'''Chris:''' Yes, I do, I am talking...

'''Matthew:''' Do you even know how to check your heart rate?

'''Chris:''' Yes I do.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, how?

'''Chris:''' I put my fingers on my pulse, count the number of beats through ten seconds, and then I multiply by six. That's, that's...

'''Matthew:''' Where do you check for your pulse?

'''Chris:''' Put two fingers on my wrist or on my neck. Or put it on my chest where my heart is.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what's a good heart rate for you?

'''Chris:''' About seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Matthew:''' Seventy-two beats per minute.

'''Chris:''' To about a hundred beats per minute.

'''Matthew:''' Uh-huh. So what's your heart rate right now?

'''Chris:''' Alright... [''long silence''] Alright, let me find that...yeah. It's approximately, it is approximately eighty-four right now.

'''Matthew:''' Eighty-four from just sitting around?

'''Kacey:''' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I've been listening. Chris, that's a serious medical condition. What are you talking about? Normally your heart doesn't beat that fast unless you've done exercise.

'''Chris:''' Hm.

'''Kacey:''' That's like [[Wikipedia:arrhythmia|arrhythmia]] or [[Wikipedia:tachycardia|tachycardia]]. What are you doing?

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, right, you know, well, I did get a little bit of [[stress]] from some of the conversation.

'''Kacey:''' Stress doesn't do that. That's like a serious medical condition. And I heard you talk to my dad, you don't listen to anything I say when I worry about you. You still go to [[McDonald's]], and I told you those salads aren't healthy. I bet you haven't even lost one pound. Don't you care that I think you're gonna die? [''Chris stammers briefly in response''] That you're probably going to lose motion in your body if you don't exercise enough? This is important to me!

'''Chris:''' Yeah. It is.

'''Kacey:''' What're you going to do? You're gonna die before you're thirty.

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] Hm. [''pause, then sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' Hmph.

'''Kacey:''' If anything, that means you have way too much caffeine in your system. If you have something that high. That's either, you can get that from smoking, from too much fat, from too much caffeine...

'''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah.

'''Kacey:''' [''Her voice breaks, on the verge of crying.''] It's like you don't even care! Dad was right, you are being disrespectful!

'''Chris:''' [''Attempting to sound empathetic''] Kacey, I do care. [''sigh''] Even though, even though it may not, even though it may shot 'n I've shot, I do care. Believe me.

'''Kacey:''' Yeah. Because it's that hard for you to stop going to McDonald's. But you've still been going. Right?

'''Chris:''' I have been going less.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like I didn't... less is not none! Fast food is bad! Period at the end!

'''Chris:''' [''On the defensive''] Yeah, but that was like once a week! Once in a week!

'''Kacey:''' Once a week is bad! Don't eat any! None!

'''Chris:''' Alright, I won't go there anymore. I won't go [[McDonald's]] anymore.

'''Kacey:''' Or any fast food!

'''Chris:''' Alright. I will not go to any fast food, I...

'''Kacey:''' Whatever. It's not like you haven't lied to me before. You're just probably lying to me now. Dad, I can't deal with this anymore...

'''Chris:''' I'M NOT LYING TO YOU! I promise you! I promise you! I promise you, Kacey. I promise you.

'''Matthew:''' She's gone again.

'''Chris:''' [''stress sigh'']
===Chris blows it, but he's an American!===
'''Matthew:''' She was pretty, ah...let's say you just blew it, man. She was, she was crying right there. You just fuckin' blew it. Big-time.

'''Chris:''' [''deep sigh'']

'''Matthew:''' I just heard the door slam. I wouldn't be surprised if she goes and calls Chris.

'''Chris:''' Hmph. Well...

'''Matthew:''' What do you have to say for yourself? [''Long silence ensues'']

'''Chris:''' Well, all I can say is...that's your opinion, and you have every right to your own opinion.

'''Matthew:''' It's not my opinion. It just happened. What the hell are you talking about? I'm talking about facts.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you're talking about, yes you are talking about facts, but you have expressed a whole bunch of your own opinions about what you've heard from me the whole conversation.

'''Matthew:''' And that's all you have to say about the fact that you just upset my daughter? What are you...

'''Chris:''' That's my response, that's my response about you, but as for Kacey, you know, I just feel, I just feel very sad for her.

'''Matthew:''' I don't care what you have to say about me. This is about, you should care about Kacey, not me! You have to do something big.

'''Chris:''' I care about Kacey. I really, truly do.

'''Matthew:''' Okay. But if you want my opinion right now, I think you should stay away from my daughter. Unless you really, REALLY turn around your life. You're not even close to Chris right now. You have to do something big to get her back. You have to get a job, at the very least. Lose, I dunno, 50 pounds. Move out. Then I might consider you, MAYBE.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' And you have to keep your promises, because she says you never do.

'''Chris:''' I do keep my promises.

'''Matthew:''' And I think she should be with [[Liquid Chris|her real fiancé]] right now. [''Long silence''] I mean, he treats her like a princess. You treat her like... a set of tits and ass.

'''Chris:''' No, I treat her like a princess as well. I treat her, more importantly... as a friend... a true friend, a good friend...

'''Matthew:''' That doesn't sound like it at all.

'''Chris:''' You don't know. I mean...

'''Matthew:''' I do know. Because she talks to me.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well... points of view.

'''Matthew:''' I can't even stand your voice. So whiny, all this sighing, it's like a baby. You'll never be as good as Chris at this rate.

'''Chris:''' I am a lot better than Chris. Belieeeeeeeeve me.

'''Matthew:''' You're not even a functioning human. You're leeching off my government.

'''Chris:''' I have a functioning image...

'''Matthew:''' I met Chris in real life, he's an upstanding young man. How are you better than this?

'''Chris:''' I... am an [[United_States_of_America|American]]! I am proud to be an American and [[I_AM_STRONG|I am STRONG]]. I am an individual...

[''Portal'' can again be heard faintly in the background]

'''Matthew:''' Don't tell, don't tell me you're an American.

[''Portal'' can again be heard]

'''Chris:''' I was born in America, I was raised in America my whole life, I never left the United States of America.

'''Matthew:''' You can't tell me you're patriotic...if you were patriotic you wouldn't even have thought about making that video, [[Twin Falling Towers|that 9/11 video]]. I still can't believe why you made that. It doesn't matter. You don't... do that! You're not acting like a patriot, you're acting more like a terrorist.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry I gave off that impression. At least I, at least I was man enough to admit I was wrong and I am, I did my best to undo the mistake by deleting my video, and making the apology.

'''Matthew:''' You know, Chris and Kacey are Americans too. And "sorry" doesn't undo the fact that you made that video.

===Chris's love and memory===
'''Chris:''' It may not, but at least I admitted I was wrong. And it takes a man to admit when he is wrong.

'''Matthew:''' And you still made it. You... you're not a man. Stop trying to call yourself a man. I mean, it takes a real man to change, and you haven't.

'''Chris:''' I do change my habits. I have been changing my habits. And I have been better from the habits I have changed.

'''Matthew:''' That's a lie. You haven't done shit.

'''Chris:''' I...I have done a lot more than you can, than you are thinking right now. Or that you could ever think at this moment.

'''Matthew:''' You said you stopped at a McDonald's, and you didn't... that's such a simple little thing, and you still lied about it. You can't stop eating fast food. What makes you think you can turn around and get a job and stop leeching off the government? And stop lying to Kacey?

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] Because... I am me, I have faith in me, and I am strong within myself.

'''Matthew:''' I bet you don't even love Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey!

'''Matthew:''' I bet if Kacey left you right now, right this very moment, you would...you'd probably cry, for maybe just a couple seconds, then you'd go out and find another girl on the Internet.

'''Chris:''' [[The Wallflower|No!]]

'''Matthew:''' Wouldn't you? And even if you do love Kacey, you don't love Kacey nearly as much as Chris loves Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I do love Kacey, truly and deeply. And I care about her, about that much, probably more.

'''Matthew:''' And so does Chris, and he can prove it, so why don't you? You can't even stop eating McDonald's for her.

'''Chris:''' [''pauses''] I can so prove it, and I will.

'''Matthew:''' God. You know, he knows her favorite color, and her favorite flower. I'm sure you don't.

'''Chris:''' Her favorite color is "tarquoise".

'''Matthew:''' Turquoise? That's... that's wrong.

'''Chris:''' It's a blue-green shade. ''[Chris is correct here, at least. On his [http://pastebin.com/8FxWDZq6 creepy date] with Kacey, she said her favorite color was [[Wikipedia:Teal (color)|teal]].]''

'''Matthew:''' Okay, favorite flower.

'''Chris:''' [''sigh''] I cannot say that I, I cannot say that I remember her favorite flower at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' Aha. Really.

'''Chris:''' It could have been maybe because she did not mention her favorite flower yet. But she did tell me her favorite color. It was a shade, it was a blue-green shade. So turquoise is ''close''.

'''Matthew:''' Can you remember anything? Okay, I bet you don't even remember some of the stuff I just said today. You probably don't even remember who in my family dies in 9/11, do you? I just said that, what, half an hour ago?

'''Chris:''' You, you said that your daughter, that your daughter was giving blood in New York, right by the 9/11 site.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, but who DIED, who of my family died in 9/11?

'''Chris:''' The grandma.

'''Matthew:''' My grandma?

'''Chris:''' Her grandmother.

'''Matthew:''' Who is?

'''Chris:''' You did not mention her name.

'''Matthew:''' No... [''exasperated sigh''] ... no, okay, her grandmother, who is...?

'''Chris:''' Your mother.

'''Matthew:''' How long did that just take you? Good boy! God, this is just like talking to a preschooler.

===Matthew crosses the line and Chris's reaction time===
'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, talking to a what?

'''Matthew:''' A preschooler. God. This is... man. You can't have Kacey, with this kind of, this is just ridiculous. I can't believe I'm talking to someone who's so... [[naïve]].

'''Chris:''' [''angry intake of breath''] You just crossed a line. You just crossed a line. By saying the word "naïve." That is like the worst insult to me...

'''Matthew:''' What line?

'''Chris:''' A line. You crossed the line. You've just... you just really ticked me off right there when you said that.

'''Matthew:''' What're you gonna do about it?

'''Chris:''' Nothing at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' "Nothing at the moment"?

'''Chris:''' Because I can't really do anything, I'm not right there in front of you, now, am I? I'm talking to you over the phone. The only thing I could do right now is let you know that you just crossed a line. By saying that word.

'''Matthew:''' Are you... wait, wait, wait a minute, are you trying to threaten me? You trying to threaten an ex-Marine?

'''Chris:''' No, I... no, I am not threatening you, I am not threatening you. I am in no position to threaten an ex-Marine. And I understand that, and I respect you as such.

'''Matthew:''' Okay, so what are you saying? I could whoop your naïve little ass with my pinky if I wanted to. Kacey could whoop your ass! I'm surprised she hasn't already.

'''Chris:''' Well. I would be able to defend myself.

'''Matthew:''' So you would hit Kacey?

'''Chris:''' No, I would not hit Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Have you ever defended yourself?

'''Chris:''' I have defended myself.

'''Matthew:''' [''exhales in disbelief''] I'm sure that was something to see. Have you... I mean, I'm sure, I can see what would just happen. She'd probably try to throw a punch and you'd just bounce her off with your Buddha belly. Or so you call it.

'''Chris:''' I would either step to one side or block it with an arm!

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs''] That little limp-wristed twig of yours? You're pretty big, but you've got some pretty scrawny arms. And you're a pretty big target, she'd be...pretty hard to miss you. I've seen her punches.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think you'd be able to react fast enough.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, you have not seen how I can, how fast I can react.

'''Matthew:''' You can't even react fast enough to what I'm saying.

'''Chris:''' Because I'd like to spellcheck, and make sure I'm not making any mistakes. Make sure that my mind and my mouth are in sync.

'''Matthew:''' Making... mistakes...?

'''Chris:''' My mouth does not go faster than my mind.

'''Matthew:''' What are you even...?

'''Chris:''' That's another, that is another one of my flaws, I am willing to admit. Sometimes my mouth goes faster than my brain.

'''Matthew:''' Well, I bet that's not the only thing that goes faster than your brain. Are you trying to say you're some kind of computer or something? But this is, you're getting completely off the point. So tell me why, exactly, you aren't [[naïve]]? Why is this crossing the line so much?

'''Chris:''' Because it's insulting my intelligence.

'''Matthew:''' What line did I cross exactly?

'''Chris:''' And I do not appreciate that. You made me feel... [[anger]].

'''Matthew:''' Because you haven't proven your intelligence to me.

'''Chris:''' Well, just like a computer, my brain is random. It picks up memories at random. I cannot simply access them sometimes, even though most of the time I can. But sometimes I can't, and they later come back to me at random.

'''Matthew:''' Okay... Here's how intelligent you really are, and that's because being naïve has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence.

'''Chris:''' Look it up in the dictionary.

'''Matthew:''' I have looked it up in the dictionary. It has nothing to do with intelli... what are you talking about? What dictionary are you looking in?

'''Chris:''' Webster's.

'''Matthew:''' Webster's. You know, I'm sure, if you think naïve has to do with... I'm sure your "[[autism]]" is just some sort of blanket term for "retarded" for you. Isn't it?

'''Chris:''' I'll admit I have had some slow-minded moments. But I am certainly not ''totally'' retarded.

'''Matthew:''' No. I'm looking at my dictionary, you know what "naïve" means? It means "inexperienced." Not "unintelligent." I shouldn't be calling you naïve, I should just be calling you a dumbass. But you are naïve as well.

===Experience and respect===
'''Chris:''' I've got a lot more experience than you could imagine.

'''Matthew:''' [''chuckles'']

'''Chris:''' I have had twenty-seven years of experience.

'''Matthew:''' With what? Eating [[McDonald's]] and watching [[TV]]? Son, [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] is younger than you, and he has had far more experiences than you have. And I've had fifty-two years of experience.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, how about being pinned down by three teachers, a guidance counselor, and an elementary school... prinstapull... and having your screams and cries recorded on audiotape like a torture chamber?

'''Matthew:''' The hell are you talking about?

'''Chris:''' And have, I was pretty much in that situation there in, back in the fourth grade. They were scared of, scared of...

'''Matthew:''' What did you do, some kind of temper tantrum?

'''Chris:''' No, they were scared of me. They did not understand autism.

'''Matthew:''' So, what, you just had some kind of retard panic attack and they didn't know what to do?

'''Chris:''' I, it was not a retard, no. It was not! They just hated me because they don't, they did not understand people with autism. And so they tortured me as such. I even ended up with a rash on my neck from that thing, among other things! And we had to find a school system, they wanted to put me in a mental institution! But that was not...

'''Matthew:''' Because you NEED HELP. That's probably where you belong! And you call the other, you call Chris crazy... this is ridiculous.

'''Chris:''' I do not belong in a mental... if I had gone to a mental institution, I would not have graduated high school or gotten my certificate and degree in [[CADD|Computer-Aided Drafting and Design]]. I've moved up from what you would consider a retarded state of mind.

'''Matthew:''' I know retards with college degrees. They probably felt sorry for you. They probably just kinda let you through, that's probably what happened.

'''Chris:''' [''angry stress sigh, or perhaps spluttering with rage'']

'''Matthew:''' You know schools do that. And those other, I call them retards, but really, they're pretty good people. They actually did something with their degrees, believe it or not. People with Down's syndrome have done more than you. And that degree has done nothing for you.

'''Chris:''' It has done a lot, it has done a lot for me. It's given me the whole bunch of computer experience and potential that I have. And I will get an office job, and I will move out of this house, and I will run five miles!

'''Matthew:''' But you haven't done any of that. If you're gonna say it, then do it.

'''Chris:''' I would not be saying it if I was not going to do it. That is a promise.

'''Matthew:''' You better do it before Kacey runs back to a real man.

'''Chris:''' Okay then.

'''Matthew:''' Because I'm thinking that's going to happen pretty soon here. 27 years and you haven't changed.

'''Chris:''' Well, she did, she and I did not meet twenty-seven years ago, she and I met a few months ago.

'''Matthew:''' And you... and you haven't, she wasn't alive twenty-seven years ago. That doesn't even make any sense.

'''Chris:''' Well, what you said there a moment ago equally did not make much sense either. That was like you were implying, like as if she actually knew me my whole twenty-seven years.

'''Matthew:''' This is insulting to my intelligence, talking to you. You've shown me nothing but disrespect.

'''Chris:''' I have, I have...

'''Matthew:''' I'm sure you show Kacey hardly any more respect than you show me. I've been trying to open your eyes here.

'''Chris:''' I have shown you respect from the lot, for a while during the conversation.

'''Matthew:''' This is the kind of respect you show me, I would hate to see the kind of respect you show Kacey.

'''Chris:''' I show Kacey a lot of respect.

'''Matthew:''' You probably don't even respect her as a person...

'''Chris:''' I do res...I do respect her as a person!

===Chris is creepy and bad at dating===
'''Matthew:''' You know, her sister said you kept trying to touch her when you met her.

'''Chris:''' Because I was nervous at the time!

'''Matthew:''' You were NERVOUS? What the hell kind of response is that? You're nervous, so you try to touch, so you try to touch a girl? What the hell? That's...that's...that's just sick! That's my daughter, you're trying to touch a girl, you're trying to touch my daughter because you're nervous? Most people try to avoid touching people when they're nervous. Gah, I can't believe I just heard that, I should come and kick your ass right now!

'''Chris:''' I only touched her shoulder! I thought it was a friend gesture!

'''Matthew:''' Her shoulder? You know, that didn't...I heard otherwise, I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'm sorry too.

'''Matthew:''' Did you try to kiss her?

'''Chris:''' No!

'''Matthew:''' Bullshit. She told her sister about what you did. I know. Are you telling me that Kacey lied?

'''Chris:''' I am not saying that. I am not saying that.

'''Matthew:''' You trying to tell me that...I heard you did all kinds of other weird shit. You tried to sniff her or something?

'''Chris:''' She was sharing her perfumes with me.

'''Matthew:''' I don't think so.

'''Chris:''' She wanted my, she wanted my opinion on which perfume smelled better.

'''Matthew:''' She gave it to you, she said she gave it to you in the bottle first. You could have just opened the bottle and sniffed, you didn't have to sniff ''her'' to do it. That's a little creepy.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, she wanted the perfume, she wanted me to give an honest opinion about... on her.

'''Matthew:''' You did it in front of her and her friend. Have you ever done this before? Is this something you do when you meet girls?

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, could you, could you, ah, repeat that?

'''Matthew:''' Have you...have you ever done this before, to another girl?

'''Chris:''' Mm...yeah, well, we've been talking about the sniffing thing. I just want to make sure I understand what we're talking about here.

'''Matthew:''' Yes...anything, any of this creepy....shit. This touching, this kissing, that I've been told you try to do.

'''Chris:''' Well...first off I can definitely, honestly say that I have not kissed a girl yet...

'''Matthew:''' TRIED.

'''Chris:''' [[Emily#Kiss_fail|Or even tried to]].

'''Matthew:''' ''Really''?

'''Chris:''' Truly.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah, I don't believe, I don't believe a word of that. How many dates have you even been on?

'''Chris:''' In my lifetime? [[Hambeast|Only one]].

'''Matthew:''' Only one.

'''Chris:''' And this was a few months ago. Before I met Kacey.

'''Matthew:''' Before you met Kacey.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' And how did that turn out? How did she act towards you? What did she think of you?

'''Chris:''' It turned out that girl just wasn't all that into me.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, Kacey met you around August, that was a couple of months ago. So how far along was this?

'''Chris:''' That one date was back in, was last June.

'''Matthew:''' And now why exactly do you think she wasn't interested in you?

'''Chris:''' I don't know. I am not a mind-reader.

'''Matthew:''' So you can't think of a single reason why she might not have been interested in you?

'''Chris:''' Yeah. I can honestly say that I cannot.

'''Matthew:''' You can't think of... I can think of a couple reasons right off the bat, why a girl would not have been into you. I don't even need to think about it. I mean... I mean, you can't even take them on a real date.

'''Chris:''' I took her on a real date. I took her to [[Wikipedia:Applebee's|Applebee's]], and I paid for her, for what she ate and what she drank there.

'''Matthew:''' You paid for her. And how much was that?

'''Chris:''' That was about $10.

'''Matthew:''' $10.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' That's... $10 for dinner. Are you sure you just didn't go to McDonald's again?

'''Chris:''' [''indignant''] No, this was APPLEBEE'S. And Kim was there, she could the same, she could tell you the same thing.

'''Matthew:''' So where would you take Kacey? She's a pretty high-class girl. I'm sure you probably didn't even tip.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry, I did not understand the second half of that sentence, after you said "Kacey is a high-class girl."

'''Matthew:''' I said you probably didn't even tip. So where exactly are you going to take Kacey?

'''Chris:''' Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, I did tip.

'''Matthew:''' You even know how much you're supposed to tip.

'''Chris:''' About 15% or 20%.

'''Matthew:''' So how much did you tip, then, if you paid $10?

'''Chris:''' I tipped a buck fifty.

'''Matthew:''' Really.

'''Chris:''' Yes.

'''Matthew:''' That's still pretty cheap. You know, Kacey probably wouldn't like that if you tipped her that much. You know she's a waitress, right? Tips are pretty important to waitresses.

'''Chris:''' Yep, I understand that, tips are important. But still, 15% of $10 is a dollar fifty.

'''Matthew:''' That's true. Okay, so how much would you tip if you paid, say, $80 for dinner? Which is very possible, if you go to the kind of places Kacey likes to go.

'''Chris:''' Hm... let's see... that would be about $12.

'''Matthew:''' So you would pay just $12, you wouldn't go up to, like, you wouldn't even just toss them a twenty or something? Can you even do math?

'''Chris:''' Well, I cannot say that my family is of the high-class, hoity-toity, rich type, type of people. We are on average income.

'''Matthew:''' You could at least... they're not rich either. They still left a twenty.

'''Chris:''' Well... good for them.

'''Matthew:''' You're not even on an income. Income would be, like, you actually have a job. Man, Chris treats her so much better than you, shows her so much more respect.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I give you respect throughout the beginning of the conversation.

'''Matthew:''' You've given me nothing.

'''Chris:''' And then, and then, I started to feel insulted, from being, from being talked down about, about the things I've talked about. And that she told you, like about the McDonald's and the video games and that sort of thing, when I am so much better than that.

'''Matthew:''' And I have not seen any of this, because it probably doesn't exist.

'''Chris:''' It does exist.

'''Matthew:''' I mean, telling the truth isn't, it's not made of Pokeymans and all that.

'''Chris:''' It is not.

'''Matthew:''' And how are you better than all this? You're doing exactly, you're doing just that, talking about stupid fucking Pokeymans and shit. That's all I'm really getting about you. You do nothing but exactly what you've said.

'''Chris:''' Okay, well, what can you...

'''Matthew:''' You need to be better. Not say you could be better.

'''Chris:''' At least I am HONEST when I say I could be better. At least I don't go around lying, pretending that I am an astronaut.

'''Matthew:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] You're not. You're not being honest.

'''Chris:''' No, I have been honest. Otherwise I would have said that I was an astronaut, but that would be lying. And I have not been lying this conversation.

'''Matthew:''' Would have been a pretty bad lie, too.

'''Chris:''' I know, but that's just an example off the top of my head at the moment.

'''Matthew:''' You don't even have the eyes to be an astronaut, I mean, c'mon. You don't have the weight. You especially don't have the weight.

===Endgame===
'''Chris:''' [''Long silence''] Well... I'll just say that this has been a most experiencing conversation, and I wish you a pleasant evening. Take care, Mr. Devoria, and stay safe. And please give my most fondest regards to Kacey as well. I love her and I care about her very much.

'''Matthew:''' Don't you hang up on me. When did I say that this conversation was over?

'''Chris:''' Well. You could say the insult, I'm getting tired of insults, I feel like I need to go, I feel like I need to go take a shower, and get ready to sleep. We are in the same time zone, it's ten after two right now.

'''Matthew:''' Actually, you know, that's fine, you can go whine and weasel your way out of this. You don't even deserve my daughter. What are you gonna do after this, what are you going to do tomorrow? Are you going to get up, sleep, you're going to get up and play video games again. That's... that's...

'''Chris:''' I am not, I will not be that way, I am going to get up and I'm going to be finding a job in the office. And I am going to be jogging for fifteen to thirty minutes.

'''Matthew:''' I don't believe...you know what Kacey's gonna do? She's gonna go to school, and she's gonna call Chris back. That's what she's gonna do.

'''Chris:''' [''Snide and superior''] Well, that's what you think she's gonna do. You do not control her.

'''Matthew:''' And you know why she's gonna do that? It's because she, because he's the one she wants. You know that song that she made for Chris? She made it for him. Not you. [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey|You know that song, that "Whole New World," from that Disney movie]]? She made that for him.

'''Chris:''' No, she told me she made that for me.

'''Matthew:''' Oh, no she didn't.

'''Chris:''' Oh yes she did!

'''Matthew:''' I think I know my daughter a little better than you do.

'''Chris:''' Well, I'll have to check with her on that.

'''Matthew:''' He even sang it for her! I mean, what really made you think it was for you?

'''Chris:''' Because she told me so herself!

'''Matthew:''' She told ME that she made it for him. Unless you're saying she's lying.

'''Chris:''' I'm not, I am not saying she's lying, because...

'''Matthew:''' And I saw that video. You didn't even know the lyrics to that song. You had to look it up. I could see the paper in your hand. And you had to sing over the words, you didn't even get the karaoke version or something. How could you possibly have known the lyrics?

'''Chris:''' I have watched the [[Wikipedia:Aladdin (film)|''Aladdin'']] movie a whole number of times. I would say greater than ten times. In my lifetime. At this point.

'''Matthew:''' And you know how I know that was made for him, and not you? Because that song was their song. They know it by HEART. And that has always been their song.

'''Chris:''' Okay.

'''Matthew:''' You know they were going to sing it to each other at their wedding?

'''Chris:''' [''More silence''] I see.

'''Matthew:''' Well, this, this is really...this has really been enlightening. Learning about just how unworthy a person can be for my daughter. How much of a...I have to congratulate you, though, because you totally did a great job at getting Kacey and Chris back together.

'''Kacey:''' [''Bursting in''] Seriously, Chris, how could you?! You've been so insulting to my father, and everything...Chris would never have done this! Maybe I did make a wrong decision! I don't think I can do this.

'''Chris:''' [''Heavy sigh'']

'''Kacey:''' Maybe I was thinking of him all along, maybe I just displaced things. Just, I can't believe you would do this. I was crying, and all you did was argue with my father. You didn't even care enough to check on me, or see if you could talk to me, Chris would never have done that. Chris would have demanded to talk to me right away and he would have calmed me down. I mean, obviously you misunderstood me.

'''Chris:''' I guess...maybe I did.

'''Kacey:''' You know what? I don't want you. I don't want this, I don't need this right now. I have so much going on with finals and everything, and this is the way you're going to act? Yeah. My father's right. You're going to have to do something HUGE. You can't even work on the comic you promised me, you made me a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing. Where the Hell's the comic, Chris? You know what? You probably still won't make it. So you know what? I can't do this. You need to totally reform your life. I mean, Chris would have come by. He would have driven the two hours just to comfort me once he heard I was crying.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, well, if I knew where you were I would have driven two hours as well. But I did not know...

'''Kacey:''' You know you won't! You always want me to come to you. It's stupid.

'''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean... yeah, I would have asked, I mean, I did ask you for your address, but then... and I did ask you for your phone number.

'''Kacey:''' And I told you that you can't get it until you get my parents to trust you because you know they're overprotective! And you think this is the way you do it?! I bet you're not even gonna finish the comic! You can't even finish it tonight. Or anything. You can't do anything.

'''Chris:''' I can so.

'''Kacey:''' Well, obviously you're not motivated enough. Because you haven't done anything like that. You've promised me a song a long time ago, never got it. Chris has written me, like, three songs. You promised me tons of things, you never keep your promises. You just sit around playing video games, you made a stupid ''[[LittleBigPlanet]]'' thing for me. Come on. All I wanted was the damn comic, all I wanted was you just to pay attention. You don't even pick up the phone anymore because of the trolls, because of the [[stress|STRESS]]. I can't do this. I want a real man.

'''Kacey:''' [''Silence again''] You can't even say anything. Dad, I think you're totally right.

'''Matthew:''' Yeah. Don't tell him where we live, I don't want my name and number, I don't want him to know my name and number.

'''Kacey:''' See?! Look what you've done, Chris. Look what you've done!

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Kacey:''' It's not like you're gonna do anything to make up for it. So you know what? I don't even care. Dad, you can do whatever, that's all he can say, I'm done.

'''Matthew:''' I don't know, I don't think I want to get in trouble...

'''Kacey:''' He's not, Chris, screw this.

'''Matthew:''' I don't want to get in trouble for beating the shit out of this faggot anyway.

'''Kacey:''' I'm gonna go, this is too much for me. You can finish this off, Dad.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Chris:''' [''Silence reigns''] I would like to say...good evening.

'''Matthew:''' So...what are you gonna do now?

[''Tape runs out'']

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Phone Call]]|nextlink=[[Kacey and Liquid Call]]}}

==External links==
*[http://www.megaupload.com/?d=Y1N7JXQ3 mp3 of phonecall]
*Listen to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SKLGsJC6R0 the call on YouTube]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 24

2011-03-14T02:17:14Z

Liquid!:

Just a brief overview until transcriptions are complete.

File Name: kc10509.mp3

*[[Chris]] says that his [[mom]] had food poisoning, so they went to a doctor and found out that it wasn't food poisoning. So they went back to the restaurant to complain anyways. Chris says his mom has to be on a diet now. [[Kacey]] suggests that Chris joins her on the diet to support her. Chris starts talking about how he's unsure of the diet and tries to get out of it. I'LL THINK ABOUT IT!
*Chris is amazed that families and friends of cancer patients will shave their heads to support the person with cancer.
*Kacey asks about Chris's [[room]] getting cleaned. Chris is "still working on it!", but Kim suggested that Chris take his [[Lego]] city apart. Kacey asks for pictures. Chris will think about it.
*Kacey failed a class and lost her [[job]].
*Chris is still trying to get a job at [[Target]], but has applied to two other stores.
*Chris was talking to a girl named Regina, the girl whose father bought Chris's two ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' [[guitar]]s. Chris went to meet her, and she didn't show up. Chris got an email stating that [[Gregg Mays]] showed up and sold her guitars instead for half price.
*Chris talks about the [[Emily]] date, and claims that the ''man in the pickle suit'''s name is Harold.
*Chris talks about the [[PVCC]] trolling him, and Kacey says that such an organization doesn't exist and he just thinks too much of himself. Chris says they do it for the [[lulz|L-U-L-Z]] (spells it out).
*Chris gets stressed out when Kacey says that he's not important enough to spend that much effort on.
*Chris claims that he gets lots of emails from men asking him on dates. Kacey says that's a complement, and he doesn't come off as straight. This makes Chris yell in a high pitched voice: "OH JESUS CHRIST! I'M STRAIGHT! WHAT THE HELL!"
*Chris doesn't even open emails anymore.
*'''Kacey says it's common sense to not reply to trolls. Chris says "Let me tell you about common sense," and says that he had sex with a FEMALE BLOW UP DOLL, not a male blow up doll, so it's obvious that he's straight!'''
*Kacey says that Chris should just be bisexual. Chris yells "I HATE LOOKING AT PENISES!"
*Kacey: "I have [[gay]] friends, and they're always grabbing my boobs! It's okay because they're gay!"
*Kacey tells Chris to stop sighing because it makes him sound like a baby. Also to stop saying "whatever." He sighs several times while Kacey talks.
*Chris asks what Kacey wants to talk about, and Kacey says she doesn't care unless Chris can tutor her in her Statistics class. Chris says that he's really good at it and that he can help her with it.
*Kacey says that she has to go.

==Transcript ==
'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey Chris, it's Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' Hi Kacey, how are you?
 '''Kacey:''' I'm good, just a little tired.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I got to agree.
 '''Kacey:''' So how are you?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm fair myself. I just uh, read your email, did you read my reply I sent back to you?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, actually, I did.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, pretty much in a nutshell, that's what's been happening lately.
 '''Kacey:''' Um, that sucks about your mom, I give my condolences, I hope she feels better. But, um... How did they know that she had food poisoning?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, that my- That was my father and mine's theory at first, but then you know, we took her to Martha Jefferson, then- and then the doctors classified... classified the ailment as Colitis.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, well that's definitely not food poisoning.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean well--
 '''Kacey:''' You guys shouldn't have gone back there to talk to them then, 'cause it's obviously not them...
 '''Chris:''' ...Hm. Yeah, well, I mean, still. Uh, you know, my mom, after today... She was having gut pains, and... Yeah, she was like "Yeah, take the uh, there's the uh, majority of the food I left behind, I had but I had not eaten, so you know, you just take it back to them, and uh, tell 'em what happened," She was like, you know, um, my father and I, we just like, you know, we couldn't do much to respond, you know... Mom was... All up- All up on top of the world here kind of, you know? Uh...
 '''Kacey:''' How long ago did it happen? I mean, did either of you eat it and get sick from it too?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no, my father and I did not eat it.
 '''Kacey:''' Besides, if she has Colitis she shouldn't be eating food like that, you said it was Chinese, right? I mean, that food's loaded with MSG and salt and fat, that's like the worst thing she could be doing right now.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well I mean, I mean, none of us knew about the Colitis yet. So...
 '''Kacey:''' But still, it's definitely not food poisoning, it's her body telling her what she's eating is wrong, like did she get put on a diet?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she can't eat much, uh, salty or sugary foods, or drinks, now.
 '''Kacey:''' No, definitely not, is she sticking to it?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, she's- Yeah, she just got started on it.
 '''Kacey:''' So then what type of things is she eating?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, you know, just basically, um... I'd say, mostly, um... Fruits and vegetables... Um, I'm not sure what else at the time--
 '''Kacey:''' Well, fruits and vegetables are high in sugar.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Well--
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe you should join her in her diet to support her, it could be good for you.
 '''Chris:''' Hm, alright well, I'm not sure-- I'm not really sure of, uh, of her diet. But, uh, you know. I can- I can like, you know... Um... I can have her tell me more about it. But right now--
 '''Kacey:''' You should, I mean it's good, you know cancer paitients, their whole family shaves their heads, I mean you should totally do it, so that, number one, it'll help you get healthier; Number two, it'll help your mom that you're there for her.
 '''Chris:''' Wait wait wait wait wait... Cancer-- Families of cancer patients actually shave their heads?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, it's a show of soli-- You know, togetherness? When the cancer patient goes into Chemo and loses their hair, a lot of family members will do that, you know, to show that they're all together in this.
 '''Chris:''' Oh.
 '''Kacey:''' It's pretty inspirational.
 '''Chris:''' Huh.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, and all you would have to do is diet.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah... Alright. Yeah, well. Yeah, I'll talk to my more about uh, this diet she's on and uh... I'll see if I can get on that as well. But anyway--
 '''Kacey:''' You totally should.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I- Yeah. But right now she's- Right now she's sleeping. But still you know, I'll talk to her next time she's awake. About that.
 '''Kacey:''' Definitely, I think that would be good for you.
 '''Chris:''' ''[sigh]''
 '''Kacey:''' How is your room coming along?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I'm still working on it, uh... I, uh... Kim and I agreed that, uh... Yeah, Kim convinced me that, you know, I'm planning on uh, taking my city- My Lego city apart, piece by piece, and putting the pieces into... into buckets.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, that's a good idea.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, so I'm gonna start on that-- I'm gonna start on that soon enough. But, you know--
 '''Kacey:''' You should take some more pictures and send them to me along with progress, you should probably do it like every other day. I mean, 'cause you were supposed to have this done, I mean how much longer do you think it's gonna take?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Pause]'' Yeah it'll take me a while longer, plus you know, recent- Plus you know, last weekend I had to worry about my mom being in the- being in the hospital.
 '''Kacey:''' Right.
 '''Chris:''' So...
 '''Kacey:''' But you should still push yourself to do it, it'll probably make your mom feel better too.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well, yeah- I, yeah- I'm going to work on that this week. On that--
 '''Kacey:''' Awesome, don't forget to send me pictures, give me something to get my mind of everything too.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. Alright. Hm... Yeah, I'm sorry to hear about you possibly losing your job and failing in class, what happened?
 '''Kacey:''' Um, well we have a new manager, and he's just a jerk, and he wants his own people in there, and class, well, I've just been having issues with it, and being able to get to the class, so it's something I can recover, you know, I've just had a lot going on. Especially with work and everything, 'cause sometimes I've had to pick up during the class, and it's just one big mess, but I'm working to fix it and I might have a new job soon.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. well, I hope uh... I hope that, you know, at your next job, you'll be successful. Or like, you know, um... you know, that you'll have it. Hm. Yeah, 'cause I would hate to see you without a job at this point. ''[Pause]'' Oh by the way I still have- By the way, apparently, uh... It's like, you know, I have- um... Yeah I have not heard back from Target, and I called them like, you know, I think it was, yeah, the last... The weekend before this recent weekend. And, I have not heard back. So, it's like, I think it's pretty obvious at this point I did not get a job there, but I'm submitting applications for, uh, places like uh, Barnes & Noble and Sears, even a new CBS that's being built in Ruckersville.
 '''Kacey:''' Hm. Have you heard back from anywhere?
 '''Chris:''' No, not yet. But I- But I, like you know, I'm planning on- I'm planning on checking in with them to see if they got my applications.
 '''Kacey:''' Definitely.
 '''Chris:''' Cuz I had to go online to do the applications. For these places. As well. ''(Pause)'' Hm. Yeah. Yeah... but upon-- Yeah, let me go- Let me go off-topic here a bit, uh... Yeah, about uh, [[Regina]], the girl I was just telling you about, that uh...
 '''Kacey:''' Right.
 '''Chris:''' ...Whose father I sold two guitars to on eBay. Yeah, I mean like, we were, it was like you know, we were getting along... great, you know I've been mostly telling her about the pos- About my positive characteristics. Not one- Not once mentioning the, uh, trolls or names like [[Gregg Mays]] and whatever. And then, uh... And then... You know like we had the pick-up time scheduled, you know, uh... But, today at two o'clock at the, uh, McDonald's on Barracks Road... But then she doesn't show up, but then I come home and I find the e-mail and it's like, "Oh I get the- Oh, I got the... Oh, I was intercepted by Gregg Mays and he had two- And he had two guitars, with no paint- With all paint and stickers removed. And so, he charged her half price for it. And it was like you know, she thinks as if she still bought it from me, or she's giving off that impression, but... Uhh, but yeah, I'm thinking basically I got troll- I got trolled again. And like you know--
 '''Kacey:''' Well it sounds like she got trolled too.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, or like you-- Yeah or like you know, like she's one of the- She's one them, just like, uh... The past time at the mall, I think her name was [[Emily]]. And then we were- And then, uh, being intercepted by Harold, that Guy in the Pickle Suit. Uh... And I think, uh, I think, you know Kim could tell you more about that, you know, there are audio files, you know, that girl had a wire on her. And the, uh, audio--
 '''Kacey:''' How do you know she had a wire on?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Annoyed Sigh)'' Because, the- I found the audio file later, on the, uh... [[Miscreants]] webpage that was originally created by Clyde Cash-slash-Gregg Mays.
 '''Kacey:''' Hmm.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Uh, but anyway, then Kim- Then I talked to Kim about it and she convinces me like, you know, Regina could be just, uh, an innocent victim and it's just a whole bunch of misunderstandings and what-not. So...
 '''Kacey:''' It probably is, Chris, I mean it's not like the whole world's against you. You really don't think that, do you?
 '''Chris:''' Hm. No... I don't think think ''the whole world'' is against me, just some- It's just some of the people- It's just the whole buncha people out of a whole- Out of a big vast majority.
 '''Kacey:''' You really think there's a group devoted to trolling you?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, Kim can tell you about that, there's forums and everything.
 '''Kacey:''' Why? I mean, why would a group of people devote themselves to you? I mean, have you ever done anything wrong?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Getting more stressed & whiny)'' I had originally done nothing wrong! As far as I- As far as I know, I--
 '''Kacey:''' But then, why would they be devoted to trolling you?
 '''Chris:''' I don't know why! I don't know why they started... ''[Sigh]'' I don't even know why that- Why the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] page got started in the first place. I mean, I mean, other than the fact that they were doing it for the... L-U-L-Z.
 '''Kacey:''' The what?
 '''Chris:''' L-U-L-Z. You know, they call it "LULZ". Or like, you know--
 '''Kacey:''' So... they're doing it for laughs? I doubt there is a group dedicated to trolling you just because it's fun.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]''
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, are you telling the truth?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I--
 '''Kacey:''' I mean are you should you didn't do anything to any of them? I think we've talked about this before.
 '''Chris:''' I am telling- I am telling you the truth. I am telling you the truth, Kacey. I swear to [[God]]. And Kim can back you up on that, she can tell you about these forums. And what-not.
 '''Kacey:''' That weird though, that's really weird, I mean are you reall that important?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Offended sigh)'' Hm. Well, I'm internet famous. Uh, for one thing, but, I don't think I would be THAT important, I mean, the way these trolls keep carrying on they make it like I'm as- I'm as important or more important than [[Britney Spears]]! ''[Pause]'' Jeez... ''[Sigh]'' What a mess that- What a mess the whole trolling thing is. ''(Sigh)'' But, I just take it one step at a time, you know, and I'm block- and I'm continuing to uh, block any nay-sayers, that send me negative e-mails. On my- On my- On my AOL address.
 '''Kacey:''' Hm. That's good.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, what do you consider a negative e-mail?
 '''Chris:''' Well like you know, people... I- For one thing, here's a... I'm giving you, like, maybe one or two examples of the top of my head upon recollection... Um, one thing is like, you know, the inclination of people... mislabeling me as a [[homosexual]], or... dudes asking me out on a homosexual date, or making me- or asking me to do anything homosexual when I'm not, and it's pretty hard for me to--
 '''Kacey:''' You should take that as a compliment! I mean, maybe you're giving off the wrong impression to them.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Stunned)'' What, come on, I mean--
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you might be attracting these gay people.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Disgusted Sigh)'' But anyway, I'm STRAIGHT. But, you know--
 '''Kacey:''' Well, maybe people don't think that, maybe you're not coming off as that. You ever think about that?
 '''Chris:''' Ugh, come on you know me, I'm- You know I'm straight. And- ''(stammering incoherently)''
 '''Kacey:''' THEY don't.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Getting angrier)'' Ugh, I've been telling them- I've been telling them NUMEROUS TIMES now in the YouTube videos that I'm straight!
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe they think you're just being shy.
 '''Chris:''' Ahh, THEY'RE STUPID! I-I mean, I even- I even reflected so much about my, uh- About my, uh, how I feel about the homosexuals, I just don't... care that much about them, I just don't wanna get too close to them...
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, remember that usually when you protest too much, ''(Chris sighs)'' then it usually is true.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, JESUS CHRIST!
 '''Kacey:''' They just think you're in the closet, I mean, you...
 '''Chris:''' I'M STRAIGHT!!! I'm straight!
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, but you make so many videos about NOT being straight, I mean, it actually HURTS you. Like, if you just let it go...
 '''Chris:''' Wait- Wait, time out, time out, wait. Making videos about me NOT being straight, what the HELL?
 '''Kacey:''' No, about BEING STRAIGHT, it hurts you because they're like, "Oh, he's just covering it up."
 '''Chris:''' Oh, Jesus... ''[Sigh]''
 '''Kacey:''' I mean you should just ignore it.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Chris sighs and tries to change the subject)'' Ah, whatever, but anyway like I- Like I said, I add the- I add those names- I add those people- Those are... The subject of those people that send me such e-mails, I add to my block list, that's uh... one thing, another thing is like you know... Like you know, or like you know, they just tell me like you know, "Fuck you", or "You're a [[fail]]ure", or any negative comments like that, I add them to the block list as well. Or even more recently like you know, oh shh-- You know, yeah, "We're continuing the talks about your [[copyright]] being stolen", that's just a false rumor and it's not been stolen. I recovered that e-mail. So like you know I add them to the block list as well. I don't even have to open the e-mail, it's ob- It say- They just say it in the subject line. ''[Pause]'' Yeah. Anyway, yeah those- Those are some of the examples of uh, people, uh, who I add to the block list.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, why does being called gay make you so angry anyway, I mean if it's not true it just shouldn't hurt you at all.
 '''Chris:''' Because it's a mislabeling! I hate being mislabeled!
 '''Kacey:''' But you should just ignore it, or else they're gonna think that you're mad because you're hiding something.
 '''Chris:''' Ugh, Jesus...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean Chris, this is just common sense.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah... You know, let me- let me tell you something else, you know, uh, "common sense"... I- You know, yeah, there is a- There is [[For Julie's Eyes Only|a video of me]]... Uh... Having sex with a blow-up woman-- With a blow-up doll, that's like a wom- A blow-up female doll, alright? I mean that- I mean, I- The blow-up doll is a woman, and if I was a homosexual, I'd be blowing up-- I'd be blowing up a... Dude doll.
 '''Kacey:''' I don't think it matters because dolls don't really have genders. That could be interpreted either way.
 '''Chris:''' But I--
 '''Kacey:''' I've heard people could be bisexual. It doesn't matter.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Stress noises)'' Yeah but I mean, it's obvious that the doll is- is a woman, the doll looks like a woman. With the [[Manboobs|boobs]], and the long hair and the--
 '''Kacey:''' It's just plastic, Chris. It doesn't matter.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I uh, I know it was a piece of plastic, and it wouldn't- And it wouldn't know, but still--
 '''Kacey:''' So it doesn't make you straight, and it doesn't make you gay.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Double Stress Sigh)'' Well yeah, well... ''(Stress Breathing)'' Ahh, a buncha things. Yeah. Yeah, but anyway, still, like you know, I'm just going- I'm just going- I just been goinh overboard in this conversation... And, yeah, but most of the time I would- Most of the time nowadays I do just ignore that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well you should, but I mean it just seems like this really gets to you, because you don't get this mad at anything else, not even when they claim to have your copyrights or anything else, like you just always get so angry over the gay thing, it's just really weird. You know?
 '''Chris:''' ''[Sigh]'' Oh, jeez...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean it wouldn't be bad. You could be bisexual and it wouldn't be bad, I mean--
 '''Chris:''' No, no, I am not bisexual, I'm STRAIGHT. I have-- I HATE looking at penises! I love looking at vaginas!
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean that doesn't make you straight or gay, if you just LOOK... I mean, gay guys actually love to look at girls' chests, did you know that?
 '''Chris:''' ''(Quiet, frustrated sigh)''
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, they're fascinated by them, even if they don't find them sexy.
 '''Chris:''' I find wom- I find women a lot more sexier... than any dude, I don't even... I mean- I- Yeah we talked about this before, we... We talked about this before.
 '''Kacey:''' I just think it's amusing that you get so angry. I mean, I have gay friends, and they're always like, grabbing my boobs or something, and it's okay because they're gay and everything, but it's like, gay guys love boobs, it's hilarious.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Sighs disgustedly, waits a few seconds, then sighs again)'' Whatev- Whatever. I- Yeah, uhh, whatever. Let's not- Let's not talk about that anymore, um... Uh...
 '''Kacey:''' You should stop sighing so much, Chris, that doesn't sound like a normal adult, that's like... Little upset toddler behavior.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Tries not to sigh)''
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, don't say "whatever" to me either, it's kind of rude.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Annoyed sigh)''
 '''Kacey:''' You could be polite and be like, "I disagree".
 '''Chris:''' Yeah--
 '''Kacey:''' Or, "Let's change the subject".
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Alright, well yeah. Let's change the subject. Hmm...
 '''Kacey:''' Alright, but you gotta promise me you're not gonna do the sighing and the "whatever"s anymore.
 '''Chris:''' Okay yeah well I mean, I been working on the... reducing of the "whatever"s. I mean, 'cause... Kim, uh, corrected me on that as well. ''(Waits for response)'' She's been correcting me on--
 '''Kacey:''' Well it's not that hard, so... Come on. Heh.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, wait... I- Uh sorry, what was that last statement? I did not not understand that last statement.
 '''Kacey:''' I said it's not that hard. I mean--
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yeah, not hard.
 '''Kacey:''' It's all about a level of respect, I mean if you respected both of us you wouldn't do it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I mean- Yeah, well I mean, I did try to... Stop- To not say whatev-- That word. But, I mean--
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you didn't start saying "whatever" until recently, like you've always done the sighing, but you didn't start saying that until recently.
 '''Chris:''' Right... Yeah. Hm. Well... I mean I've done it- I mean I've done it numerous times before, uh... around my fam- around my family. And- And it's like, they corrected me on that before. I guess it has been a long time since I said that word, and then... And then I- It just started coming back- It just started coming out again. That's- That's one thing that I'm- That I think there, about that. ''(Silence, Chris realizes she isn't going to say anything)'' Hm. Alright well, anyway, um... Um, let's see... What else is- What else can I- What else is on my mind I can talk about... Um... I'm not sure, lemme think, sure... No. If you've got anything else on your mind, Kacey, uh, I'm open to talk about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Not unless you can tutor me in statistics.
 '''Chris:''' Unless I can tutor you in statistics... Actually, I did take statistics, uh... At, uh, one or two of those classes... Uh, when I started at Piedmont, as part of the- As part of when I was starting out, in the, uh, degree, I was- I- First, I started to work on... But then I- But then I switched over to Computer Aided Drafting and Design. But yeah I did do- I did do statistics, so... Like- So like, you know... If you... Show me like an example of, uh, what you're learning in statistics, I could prob- I could probably remember... what to do there.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, maybe I'll scan it or something for you, okay?
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Yeah, and I'll see what I can- I'll see what I can remember.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I have school in the morning so I should probably go, okay?
 '''Chris:''' Alright. But anyway, it's nice to talk to you again. And it's nice to- And it's nice to, you know, if you can't call me, you know, to get an email from you, so I know what's going on. And, you know, it's nice- It's nice to know that- To have you confide in me, and me offering my feedback, but hey, you know, yeah. You know... Just- You know, at least you're making your recovery and you will strike back victoriously.
 '''Kacey:''' ''(Laughs politely)'' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I'm rooting for ya, and I'm here for ya.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I appreciate that, and I'll try and talk to you tomorrow. Okay?
 '''Chris:''' Alright, if you can't talk to me, send me an email. Whatever...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, bye.
 '''Chris:''' You take care, be safe, bye-bye.


==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?h6fo6e4505emggu mp3 of phonecall]

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Kacey Call 23

2011-03-14T02:16:49Z

Liquid!:

Just a brief overview until transcriptions are complete.

File Name: kc92909.mp3

*[[Chris]] doesn't even open [[troll]] emails anymore, he just adds the email address to a block list.
*Chris got the [[copyright]] for [[Sonichu]].
*[[Kacey]] bitching about Chris not cleaning his [[room]].
*Chris says that [[Clyde Cash]] and [[Gregg Mays]] are the same person and he's fake because he won't make a [[YouTube]] video of himself holding his license up to the camera.
*Chris says that Clyde Cash is an elementary school student and refuses to believe Kacey's idea that he's a teacher.
*Chris says that Clyde's voice is high pitched and whiny. Oh boy.
*Chris spends like 3 minutes trying to do an impression of Clyde and it ends up just sounding exactly like Chris's normal voice like three more minutes of Chris trying to do an impression. Sounds exactly like Chris still.
*Chris: "It was hard to ignore panda being raped by Clyde but I was able to. Last time I heard about her she got burned and died in a fire."
*Chris mentioned going to [[ED]] and trying to dox Clyde cash using their forum.
*Chris does [[Donald Duck]] impression; it just sounds like shit.
*Chris: "By default, my voice sounds like Frank Sinatra!"

==Transcript==
{{transcription}}

==External links==

*[http://www.mediafire.com/?bi6u4u7rxzg4alu mp3 of phonecall]

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Kacey Call 22

2011-03-14T02:16:13Z

Liquid!:

Just a brief overview until the entire call is transcribed.

File Name: kc92709.mp3

*[[Chris]] went to couple's relationship class by himself, told them about being trolled and how hard it is to be him.
*Kim told Chris to make a [[Sonichu]] [[cosplay|costume]], [[Kacey]] agreed. Chris says it's too much work.
*Chris is trying to get a job at [[Target]].
*talking about buying and selling ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' stuff on [[Ebay]], says that ''Guitar Hero'' is better than ''Rock Band''.
*Chris talks about a bear and her cubs being near a school; he heard about it on the news. Kacey sounds bored as hell.
*talks about more news stuff, a guy who raped a 13 year old girl ran to Europe, Kacey doesn't care but then gets angry about child molesters.
*Chris says that child molesters should only get 5 years in jail. Kacey says that it should be longer, Chris eventually changes to 20 years. Kacey gets angrier and starts yelling at Chris. Chris backs down.
*Kacey is really pushing the topic of rape on Chris; Chris sounds uncomfortable. Chris: "I have never personally been raped. I would definitely be offended if I was."
*Chris talks about ''[[Family Guy]]''/''Cleveland Show'', says that ''American Dad'' is bad.
*Chris keeps talking about Meg from ''Family Guy'', saying that she's really hot. Kacey says as much as possible to piss Chris off in regards to Meg.
*Chris is STILL talking about Meg and wanting to bang her. Kacey calls Meg fat.
*Chris ignores any [[homosexual]] part of ''Family Guy''. Gets pretty angry when Kacey keeps talking about how ''Family Guy'' is pro-homo.
*Chris stopped drinking various types of soda because he started to associate them with gay people.
*Kacey says that no gay man would ever be into Chris because he's not clean enough. This actually upsets Chris.
*Kacey asks if gay people have ever hit on him before. He says over the [[Internet]] it's happened.
*Chris claims he's been hit on a few times by girls back in middle school, ever since he left high school it hasn't happened because every single woman is taken by a guy already.
*Chris says that he has good [[fashion]] sense.
*Kacey says that the idea of being a "house husband" will make girls think that Chris is gay.
*Kacey says Chris needs to be more manly. Chris takes this to mean that he needs to take male hormone pills.
*Kacey tells Chris to go clean his room and says she has to leave.

==Transcript==
'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey Chris, it's Kacey. How are ya?
 '''Chris:''' Hey Kacey, I'm ok. How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' I'm good. So whats uh- up with you? I mean, I haven't talked to you in awhile, I have been so busy.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I kinda figured that. Yeah, a lot has been going on. Uhmm... Where do I begin? Shoot, when was the last time we talked?
 '''Kacey:''' A couple of days ago.
 '''Chris:''' A couple of days ago... Mmm.. Alright well ok well I guess I'll start with something good, yeah? Uhh.. yeah yesterday I took my uh, over to the first of uh, my uh relationship management classes. I think I told you about that?
 '''Kacey:''' Uh huh.
 '''Chris:''' Do we - I signed up for that class - I am saying I took the first one yesterday - I took the first one yesterday at - I guestimate or -or- say the day before yesterday - No. It's after midnight, it's not Monday, it's Saturday. Anyway, yeah, Saturday morning I went to my first class and uhh -it - it was good. Uhhh- learned that first step in a matching your relationship is learning about your self so... So uh mu- So it was basically was three of us. I mean a teacher and uh- and another student woman named Elizabeth about -
 '''Kacey:''' Well aren't those classes for people that are actually in relationships?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, not necessarily, it could be considered- I mean- I mean, I was single and I was able to sign up for it.
 '''Kacey:''' Well-But I mean, I mean they are not going to discriminate but... don't they teach you material that goes after the relationship?
 '''Chris:''' Umh- Uh, They gave us some material even before the relationship like you know how to talk- How to uh... how to so- How to better socialize and uh... talk to woman and what not. It's sorta like [[Dating Education]].
 '''Kacey:''' Mkay. So what have you learned?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm... Yeah I learned- Yeah I learned a little bit. Uh... I learned quite a bit... Mmm.. yeah, It seems like s-although it was like - Although -You know like- I have had coping classes before in middle and high school so this one was kinda similar to that one in a way- in a few ways. We did a few- we did a few worksheets filling in a little bit some information about uh- ourselves , our teachers did workshe-did our- did our worksheets along with us. A total of five people signed up for the class, but uh- but ya know three of them didn't make it. So... it was just like three of us saturday, anyway yeah...
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, what kind of things were on the work sheets?
 '''Chris:''' Uhm... Yea-You know like uh... you know like a one or- a few- a yes few little - few questions like you know like- like you know- You could- rate how good you feel about your self or uh... or how are seen or like you see or you know how people see us a good friend or if you a little bit of confidence- err - if you have a little confident or even a few questions that were like in reversed this morning, like do you -do you know- do you sometimes feel lonely or sometimes doubt your self. But anyway, but like- In a possible 30 so - and I got 27. The teacher and Eliz- The teacher, her name was Wandea. Yeah Wandea and Elizabeth they each - they both- they each got 29 our of 30. Yeah, I mean- it's just a couple of things like sometimes like- I did have lonely nights um...and like you know I have a few concerns about how other people see me you know, like people over the internet, you know, some like me some don't like me so-
 '''Kacey:''' You didn't talk about the trolls, did you? 
{{transcription}}
==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?ixzcy3c9z2ovpk5 mp3 of phonecall]

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Kacey Call 21

2011-03-14T02:15:44Z

Liquid!:

This is just a brief placeholder until the chat is fully transcribed.

File Name: kc92209.mp3

*[[Chris]] had a [[job]] interview at [[Target]] today. He already can't remember what happened during it. However, he perfectly remembers the [[troll]] phone calls he received during the rest of the day.
*Chris claims he did not wear his [[medallion]] to the interview. Chris "complimented" the interviewer on how she looked.
*Chris can't remember his password, he thinks it's "Nutmeg" or spelled backwards as "Gemtun". Thinks [[Clyde Cash]] hacked him again.
*Chris jogged for 15 minutes and then played ''Final Fantasy VII''. Kacey asks for Chris to film himself jogging.
*Kacey tells Chris proper form for running and jogging. Chris says he'll "consider it" when it comes to moving his arms while jogging.

==Transcript==
{{transcription}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?nrp7294pnf711db mp3 of phonecall]

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Kacey Call 20

2011-03-14T02:15:28Z

Liquid!:

Just a brief overview until the entire call is transcribed.

File Name: kc92109.mp3

*[[Chris]] instantly starts talking about his friends in [[high school]]. He said his friends only would hang out with him at school, with the exception of his 18th [[birthday]].
*Chris has his interview at [[Target]] tomorrow.
*Kacey talks about ''The Office'' (TV show), and Chris gets kind of pissy and says he's never seen it.
*Kacey asks where Chris sees himself in five years. Chris says he will be married and have a [[daughter]]. Kacey says that she was talking about a career, not his personal life.
*Chris says that he sees himself in a management position at Target in five years.
*Chris says he will tell Target that he was laid off from his last job for "personal differences".
*When asked about what his weakness in the workplace would be, Chris couldn't come up with an answer for three minutes. Eventually he said he needs to be told what to do.
*Kacey spend a while coaching Chris on his interview.
*Chris would be making $8.50 an hour.
*Kacey does a roleplay with Chris to see if he would be good at his job. This involves Kacey just screaming at Chris saying "I WANT A REFUND! I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR MANAGER!" until Chris says that he will give her [[money]].
*Chris doesn't realize that Target and [[Walmart]] have different rules and regulations.

==Transcript==
{{transcription}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?d326b8qix820q6s mp3 of phonecall]

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Kacey Call 19

2011-03-14T02:15:13Z

Liquid!:

Just a brief overview until the entire call is transcribed.

File Name: kc91809.mp3

*[[Chris]] went to a heart doctor, the doctor said his heart problem can be solved by not stressing so much.
*Chris weighed 216 last time he went to a doctor, now he weighs 205.
*Chris bragged he jogged for three minutes, and this was a new record. [[Kacey]] gets mad and says that he previously claimed he jogged for 45 minutes. Chris says she misheard and he said he walked for 45 minutes.
*Chris registered [[Sonichu 0]] at the Library of Congress.
*Chris is working more on his [[Audiobooks]].
*Kim tells Chris that [[CWCipedia]] is back online, so Chris talks about thinking about updating it. He stress sighs.
*Talking about his interview at [[Target]], him and Kim did a mock interview showing Chris how to lie about being fired from [[Wendy's]].
*Kacey tells Chris to not talk about [[Sonichu]], [[trolls]], or his [[medallion]]. He's interrupted by [[Barb]] coming into the room.
*Chris talks about what he saw on the news.
*Chris says that girls that get raped should have the right to get an abortion. They should also be able to have an abortion if the baby was a mistake. Kacey tells Chris that he's wrong and that abortion isn't birth control.
*Chris says his mind is blank, so they hang up.

==Transcript==
{{transcription}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?344ie3zcudag85a mp3 of phonecall]

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Kacey Call 18

2011-03-14T02:14:56Z

Liquid!:

Just a brief overview until the entire call is transcribed.

File Name: kc91709.mp3

*[[Kacey]] prepared a list of questions for [[Chris]] for an essay she's writing.
*Chris states basic things like where he lives, his age, birthday, relatives, height etc.
*Above chris' "left breast", he has a scar from a bike accident.
*Kacey tells Chris to go to the doctor.
*Chris thinks that [[Gregg Mays]] is [[Clyde Cash]], who died and came back from the dead under a new name. But really Gregg Mays killed Clyde and is pretending to by Clyde. It really makes no sense.
*Chris tries to explain this to Kacey by saying that if he was going around pretending to be another Chris. Kacey makes the connection between Liquid and Chris in this conversation, Chris gets upset.
*Chris doesn't believe that [[Ryan Cash]] killed himself.
*Chris says the real reason that Clyde Cash [[trolls]] Chris is because Clyde is a [[homosexual]].
*Clyde tried to make Chris make a video of a [[Sonic]] and Tails toys going on a homosexual date.
*The idea that Clyde is straight makes Chris [[stress sigh]].
*Chris claims that his passwords are complicated so Clyde must be a good hacker.
*Chris says that his last password was: "J04nE1de4R08i2on", which is an [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Elder_Robison author's name] (incidentally, one with [[Asperger syndrome|aspergers]]). Kacey says this is leet speak, and Chris says that he's never heard that term before.
*Chris talked to Clyde earlier in the day, Clyde claimed that he tampered with Chris' [[PS3]].
*Chris turns his PS3 off and unplugs it when he is not using it, so Clyde can't hack into it to get his password.
*Kacey says that Chris should just break his PS3 so Clyde will stop bothering him.
*Chris claims that he can't break his PS3 because he has a PSP and that would break his [[PSP]] too.
*Chris says that video games are not the most important thing in his life, that would be finding a sweetheart in real life.
*Chris has an interview next week at [[Target]].
*Chris says that he has tricked Clyde into not hacking him anymore by telling him that he doesn't care about his PS3 anymore; Kacey suggests making a video of pretending to give away his PS3 or throwing it in the trash. This idea makes Chris stress sigh.
*"When I say I am going to think about it, it means I am going to do it" -Chris, regarding stress sighing and saying he's working on it.
*Clyde told Chris to unscrew the system and to take out a battery so he can't be hacked anymore.
*Kim's boyfriend Logan told Chris that this is a safe thing to do.
*Kacey eventually gets Chris to say he will open his PS3 and remove the battery.
*Chris made an appointment with the doctor to talk about heart pains.

==Transcript==
{{transcription}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?c29bsshpf7ccuiy mp3 of phonecall]

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Kacey Call 17

2011-03-14T02:14:39Z

Liquid!:

[[Image:Miltank.gif|What Chris thinks Kacey would look like as a [[Pokemon]].|thumb]]

In this short call, [[Chris]] and [[Kacey]] talk about which [[Pokemon]] Kacey would be. She's offended Chris called her a Miltank in conversations with Kim. Chris also talks about a [[troll]] trying to copyright [[Sonichu]] - apparently Chris sent a handwritten letter to the Library of Congress asking for an FBI investigation to find out who is the original creator of the electric abomination. After just 8 minutes, Chris leaves because of a headache and having to use the bathroom.

==Transcript==

 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey, Chris, it's Kacey!
 '''Chris:''' Hey, Kacey, how are you?
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I could be a little better right now. You see...
 '''Chris:''' Aww, long day?
 '''Kacey:''' The- well... not only that, but I got an E-mail from Kim, and... she told me that you guys were talking about [[Pokemon]], which is... cool and you know, we were girl-talking and all 'cause we've been playing together... uhm... but anyway...
 '''Chris:''' Uh... yeah... uh... yeah... I mea- I was a- I was on a... spur of the moment thing at the time and I thought about it further. I thought you'd be more as a Delibird.
 '''Kacey:''' A what?
 '''Chris:''' A Delibird.
 '''Kacey:''' A Delibird?
 '''Chris:''' A Delibird.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay... well, thing is... uhm... even before I get into that... why did you call me a Miltank?
 '''Chris:''' I thought Milt- I thought Miltanks were cute. I mean...
 '''Kacey:''' It's a- it's a- Chris, it's a COW! You called me a COW! Do you- do you not know how offensive that is to women?!
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry. 
 '''Kacey:''' I mean... you might as well just call me fat or something.
 '''Chris:''' No. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. Besides, it- bes- its somebody just fooling around, you know... it-it was just loose talk, and I'm sorry...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, Chris... if somebody asked me what I would call somebody, I'd - if it's a girl - I'd make sure that I didn't include things that are like - ''cows''.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... yeah... OK. I'm sorry. Anyway, yeah, I- yeah, I apologize- i just sent an E-mail to Kim telling her...
 '''Kacey:''' I know, but what... what if I called you, like, a [[Snorlax]] or something? I mean, how would you feel? I mean, couldn't you at least... a Skitty or something?
 '''Chris:''' Ah, Skitty didn't come to mind. I'm sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' *sigh*...
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... *short pause* anyway, yeah... Delibird.
 '''Kacey:''' *sigh*... OK... I... that's the one that gives out, like... presents... right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but I mean, you're always full... you're always full of [[DIRTY_CRAPPED_BRIEFS|pleasant surprises]].
 '''Kacey:''' Oh...OK.
 '''Chris:''' And you are cute.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, at lea- at least it's a penguin. I do like penguins.
 '''Chris:''' OK. I never thought of- I never imagined Delibird being a penguin, but yeah, I see that now.
 '''Kacey:''' He- he is a penguin. The Pokedex says so.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. I guess I didn't read that part.
 '''Kacey:''' Mmm.
 '''Chris:''' OK. Well, anyway... uh... yeah aside from that... hmm... I'm not sure I'm in the mood to talk now... I got a bit of a headache right now. And... uh... yeah, I was gonna go hit the restroom, but then- then you called me.
 '''Kacey:''' Well... are you gonna take, like, an aspirin or something?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm gonna take- I'm gonna take a... I'm gonna take a non-aspirin. We- i- it works a little better than regular aspirin, you know. My parents agree with that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well, it's probably best for you to... like, you shouldn't always take aspirin.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' So... what happened with you today?
 '''Chris:''' Ah... what happened with me today... uh... yeah, I don't know if Kim told you that I was E-mailed last night, but, you know, it was like this [[troll]]... uh... just claiming to have... already sent, like, sent in this claim for... register the [[Chris and copyright|copyright]] of [[Sonichu]] under his name.. which s- which should not be doable anyway... uh... but anyway, eve- even copied and pasted details, like, if he was actually doing it from my [???] site.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean... would you be able to prove against it? Because, if you don't have definate proof, and, I mean, just having some drawings isn't gonna do it, I mean, you'd be screwed.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I-I-I-
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you did finalize the copyright a long time ago. They're gonna wonder why you waited so long, and... I mean, you're just gonna be out of luck.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Ok, you see- Ok. One thing is... Yeah, I did- I did regist- I did put my claim for the copyright... apparently last sep- apparently last September. And I found- I found the case number for that... I still have the account on there... on the Library of Congress website. And, uh...
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, documents are easy to forge, I mean, the same effort you took drawing in the first place, they can use it to get the coypright. I mean...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but anyway- uh... I think I told you before that, like, you know, I was under a misunderstanding about what I sent through the snail mail... so... that's why... and then, uh... I should've gotten... I should request those papers about that time... uh...
 '''Kacey:''' What about snail mail, you sent something? Or you received something?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... well look, I filled out the application online, and so- should send something via snail mail, but I was not made clear on what to send in via snail mail... and I shou- I should have requested those papers back then...
 '''Kacey:''' Well, did you ever receive a certificate, or did you send it certified mail, I mean, stuff like that you have to send certified mail. If you didn't get a certificate back, then you're kinda out of luck.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, i didn't- I didn't get a certificate.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, then... you can't prove it's yours.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yes I can... yes I can but anyway- anyway... anyway...
 '''Kacey:''' Can't legally.
 '''Chris:''' EARLIER TODAY... earlier today... I... I wrote a handwritten letter... to the Library of Congress about like, you know... yeah... this guy should not have the rights... to have the copyright on... stop him and... I have proved that I am the original creator... I even found... hand-drawings from as early as [[2000]]-[[2001]]... i mean... I even encouraged them to do [[Jerkops|FBI]] investigations between him and me... I would even welcome them to come to my home address to investigate that. I think they would find more stuff here at my house than they would over there! And I... anyway... I sent those hand-drawings...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean... that- that doesn't mean anything to them. I mean, you could be doing that to the actual copyright holder, i mean, they're not gonna waste money on an FBI investigation to do this, you know that, right? It's gonna come down to who has the better lawyer.
 '''Chris:''' *sigh*... Anyway, plus- plus I'm also, uh...[???] with a copyright lawyer here in Charlottesville... uh... 'scuse me... and my father and I going down tomorrow for a consultation... talk about the situation.
 '''Kacey:''' Do you have the money to hire him?
 '''Chris:''' *sigh*... At this point it's just a consultation...
 '''Kacey:''' They can charge you for those. You know that, right?
 '''Chris:''' Uh- but- I checked with him and I ask- I asked him all and he said that the consultation is free.
 '''Kacey:''' Ok, but... that's where they... get you hooked in, I mean... just watch out for that, because consultations, even free ones, can turn into... not-free ones.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. All right. Mmm...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, it's just how the system works. Som- You know, people do it all the time.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Ok. Mmm. Ok, well listen, listen I gotta go get my non-aspirin and use the bathroom, so... I'll talk to you tomorrow, OK?
 '''Kacey:''' OK.
 '''Chris:''' Aight, you take care. Get some rest yourself.
 '''Kacey:''' OK, all right. Bye.
 '''Chris:''' Bye-bye.
[call ends]

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?8gfn84h4wfvearc mp3 of phonecall]

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Kacey Call 16

2011-03-14T02:14:17Z

Liquid!:

Just a brief overview until the entire call is transcribed.

File Name: kc91309.mp3

*[[Chris]] went to a potluck but didn't bring any food for anyone else.
*[[Kacey]] tells Chris off for eating the yolk of an egg. Chris lies and says that there was no yellow in the egg.
*Chris jogged for two minutes and got worn out.
*Chris claims that he has a 36 inch waist. Kacey says that he's lying.
*Chris's bust size is 43. "It fits like a glove!" "It feels so good!"
*Kacey says Chris should go to Victoria's Secret to get measured again. Chris says this is a good idea, and he will get measured for his bust, waist, and hips. Kacey almost starts giggling.
*They talk more about Chris sending all his receipts and [[PSN]] shit to Kacey.
*Chris said he's going to try to save 200 dollars over three months to go to Nekucon.
*He also says he's going to spend 60 dollars a month to go to a gym. Kacey says that Chris wouldn't actually use it.
*Chris thinks he can bench 50-100 pounds.
*Chris thinks that leg muscles (quads) are called that because most animals have four legs.
*Chris asks Kacey if she's working on making a survey for her class. She pulls a "IAHM WORKIN ON IT!" and immediately switches the topic to Chris cleaning his [[room]].
*Chris says he's working on a drawing of him and Kacey having a foursome.
*Kacey said she saw a spoiler list for [[Sonichu]]'s last issue. Chris gets really confused and says it's not real.
*Chris tells what REALLY happens later in Sonichu, talks about the cure for being [[gay]]. "Make a vaccine to make the world right and straight!" Stabs [[Reldnahc Notsew Naitsirhc|Reldnahc]] in the throat with his gay cure.
*Kacey says he needs to make comics faster, and to make drawing for her faster because he has nothing else to do.
*Chris bullshits around saying he'll work on it.
*Kacey disconnects and Chris is just saying "KACEY? KACEY? HELLO? HM. WHERE'D YOU GO? HELLO? I'LL TALK TO YOU TOMORROW, BYE-BYE". We can hear Skype sounds in the background.

==Transcript==
{{transcription}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?8fnzryzp5bvchdo mp3 of phonecall]

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Kacey Call 15

2011-03-14T02:13:57Z

Liquid!:

Just a brief overview until the entire call is transcribed.

File Name: kc91209.mp3

*[[Kacey]] starts the call by complaining about how stressful her [[job]] is. [[Chris]] compares this to how stressed he gets when looking at [[troll]] emails.
*Kacey starts screaming at Chris about how hard her life is. Chris doesn't care.
*Kacey: "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT STRESS IS!" Chris: "hm... yeah..."
*Kacey yells more about Chris not getting a job.
*Kacey: "WHAT STRESS DO YOU HAVE?" Chris: "I HAVE EMOTIONAL STRESS FROM TROLLS AND THEIR INPUT!"
*Kacey: "YOU GET FREE MONEY AND PAID TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES AND YOU STILL COMPLAIN!"
*Kacey is jealous that Chris gets government [[money]] for free.
*Kacey complains that she and Kim have to do all of Chris's research for his jobs and he won't do anything. Still bitching about how hard her life is.
*Chris: "I'm workin on it!"
*Kacey apologizes for yelling at Chris, but then says he can't even understand it. Chris gets defensive and says he has a hard life and talks about how he had to bring "REALLY HEAVY TRASH BAGS OUTSIDE" when he worked at [[Wendys]] like six years ago, and how this was the hardest day of his life. Kacey starts screaming again about how useless Chris is. Chris says he will prove her wrong because he's stronger now than six years ago.
*Kacey asks what his parent's think about how lazy he is. He says that his [[mom]] is proud of him for going outside to walk now, and how he's looking for a job.
*Kacey starts screaming AGAIN about how she's the one that made him do all of that.
*Chris says he's being social now, Kacey asks how many friends he made. Chris is quiet for a long time and says that they just pass by, and that he makes acquaintances. Kacey asks just for a single name, and Chris says that he didn't catch their names. Kacey calls Chris "Lonely and Sad."
*Kacey asks Chris what he's doing to improve his life. Chris says going to the [[mall]], going to [[church]], finding social outings to go to. He is interrupted by his mom.
*We are barely able to hear Chris saying "Let me rub your feet for you" to his mom. He says he is talking to Kacey, and his mom asks him what he did that day. He says he put 5 dollars in the bank and ate a sandwich.
*Chris says he has 14 dollars in his bank. It is very hard to make out what they are saying. His mom is telling him that he needs to do more, he starts talking about how once he [[copyrights]] [[Sonichu]] people will make [[games]] for him and he'll get the money for it.
*[[Barb]] starts talking about how hard her life was, and how Chris needs to show more humility if he wants to make money.
*Barb says that the reason why the [[house]] is messy and she doesn't work is because "she's been sick for so long."
*"I almost killed myself at least twice." -Barb talking about going to the hospital ''because of things falling on her in their house.''
*Barb complaining about [[Bob]] and how all he does is make it look like he does all the work around the house. Complains about Bob not having [[sex]] with her.
*She is telling Chris to clean the house and how he's been slacking off for too long. Chris starts yelling and whining about how he can't do anything because there is nothing to do. It makes no sense and Barb is getting angry.
*Barb is complaining that Chris doesn't clean and just tries to hide dirty stuff around the house. He says he has no where to put his "love doll" and that it gets too hot in his [[room]] and it will get damaged.
*Chris finally starts talking to Kacey again. Kacey says that Barb made some really good points.
*Kacey asks if he's going to help clean the house. Chris says yes, he wanted to clean for a long time, but he doesn't know where she wants things.
*Chris says that his mom only wants him to get rid of his and Bob's stuff, but she refuses to get rid of her own. Kacey says that Chris should get rid of some of his stuff and his mom might follow suit.
*Kacey says he should get rid of his [[toys]] because he's 27. Chris gets really upset at this idea of this. "Ahm gonna think about that..."
*Kacey says that he needs to make his room look like he's an adult, and for him to get rid of all his childish toys and posters.
*Kacey says that Chris needs to throw out 95% of his toys. Chris says that he will take that into great consideration. Kacey says he's bullshitting and bets he won't do it.
*Chris says he will take Kacey up on her offer and he'll do it by Tuesday.
*Chris almost calls Kacey his mom.
*Chris's family uses all plastic forks, spoons, and knives. The reason being is that his family can't find the actual silverware under all the dirty dishes.
*His house is filled with ants, flies, and wasps from not cleaning.
*Kacey asks how his house got that dirty. Chris says it just "kind of happened."
*THEY HAVE A FUCKING DISHWASHER AND THEY DON'T DO DISHES.
*Chris gets stressed and leaves.

==Transcript==
{{transcription}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?8l4g6d04lyt0tm6 mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 14]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 16]]}}

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Kacey Call 14

2011-03-14T02:13:39Z

Liquid!:

Just a brief overview until the entire call is transcribed.

File Name: kc9eleven.mp3

*[[Chris]] instantly starts rambling about stress and phone calls and doctors. Hard to make out anything he's saying.
*Kim had to explain what a metabolism was to Chris. [[Kacey]] is snarky about Chris not knowing what it meant, and said that he's not ready for the information because it's too high level for him.
*Kacey is explaining what different words mean, like sodium and calcium. Chris seems generally interested in learning more about this.
*Chris claims that because he is on cholesterol medication, that means that he has good cholesterol.
*Kacey says that she needs to start a diet, so Chris does too.
*Chris drove around his neighborhood to see how big it was, due to this he claims that he walked almost two miles. Chris doesn't know what jogging is.
*Kacey talks to Chris for a long time about oatmeal and how it's not healthy due to sugar.
*Chris: "We only have a total of four cars."
*Chris's [[mom]] refuses to sell her car, despite the fact that she doesn't even drive it anymore, and they only use Chris' [[car]] or his [[dad]]'s car.
*Chris says that she's been hoarding since she quit her job.
*Kacey asks Chris if he's ever thought about giving up soda. "I can't go cold turkey on it" -Chris
*Chris is talking about Red Skelton.
*Chris was looking to buy some work out DVDs or a treadmill so he too can join the thousands of rednecks who don't use the treadmill in their house.
*Chris is thinking about buying Carmen Electra's workout striptease DVD.
*Chris is thinking about buying a guitar but he said he'd have to save money for it. Kim suggested it.
*Chris mentioned that he's working on his own [[audiobooks]].
*Kacey nags Chris to scan in his recent [[video game]] receipts and pictures of his [[PSN]] account to prove he's not buying any more [[games]].

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?ick4la17xde9m59 mp3 of phonecall]

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Kacey Call 13

2011-03-14T02:13:20Z

Liquid!:

Just a brief overview until transcriptions are complete.

File Name: kc091009.mp3

*[[Chris]] started to make [[audiobooks]], but his [[mom]] stopped him so he could get a flu shot. He returned home and made the audiobook for the first book.
*Claimed that audiobooks are hard work because he has to take pages out of the sleeves.
*Chris claims that because he's videotaping the pages, it's like a cartoon because the pictures are hand drawn.
*[[Kacey]] asks Chris for screenshots of his bank statements, receipts, and [[PSN]] info to prove he's not spending too much.
*Chris claims he was going to make "[[sex]] drawings" for Kacey, but after checking his email and seeing [[trolls]] emailing him, it "wore him down emotionally" so he didn't do anything.
*Chris talks about playing the new demo for ''[[Little Big Planet]]'' because they changed a few things.
*Kacey gets mad and asks if he played anything else. Chris first said no, then he says he played ''[[Guitar Hero]]''.
*"You like sex drawings don't you? *creepy laugh*" -Chris.
*Chris claims that he's saving up several hundred dollars for a speaking and a pole dancing class between December and January.
*Kacey suggests art classes, Chris doesn't like the idea.
*Chris is unsure about pole dancing classes because Kim won't look up the info for him. Kacey asks why he won't do it himself, he says he's too busy.
*Barb and Bob want Kacey to call them to talk to them because they don't believe that Chris could really have a friend.
*Kacey tells Chris to apply for more [[job]]s.
*Chris asks Kacey if all her roommates are asleep. Kacey says no and asks why. Chris obviously wants to talk about sexual stuff with Kacey but tries to backtrack and says that he didn't want to bother them.
*Kacey ends the call.

==Transcript==
{{transcription}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?8lki65f57rxg22d mp3 of phonecall]

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Kacey Call 12

2011-03-14T02:13:02Z

Liquid!:

Just a brief overview until the entire call is transcribed.

File Name: 999kc.mp3

*First yoga class for [[Chris]].
*[[Kacey]] trying to sound smart about medical stuff, Chris doesn't care.
*Chris trying to tell [[trolls]] that call him that Kacey is his girlfriend, Kacey said "we're just friends".
*Unwilling to get a new cell phone number because he would have to update the number on [[PSN]] but it's too much effort.
*Chris talks about Burger King food, says that oatmeal is veggies.
*Chris says that he needs to move out of his house and get a job before he learns to cook for himself.
*Kim told him to go to yoga class.
*Chris trying to talk about how sitting in different positions makes it impossible to breathe. He and Kacey argue about it.
*Walking around [[mall]] = exercise.
*Gamestop employee recognized Chris and took a picture with him
*Chris gave blood. This means that someone has part of Chris inside of them. THIS MEANS SOMEONE HAS CHRIS INSIDE OF THEM.
*Chris trying to explain what giving plasma is to Kacey despite the fact that she keeps saying over and over that she knows what it is.
*Chris sent out [[Sonichu 0]] to Marvel, Dark Horse, and Archie.
*Kacey: "You know how you said I weighed a lot? how much do you think Kim weighs?" Chris: "175-150, somewhere between there." Kacey: "How much do you weigh?" Chris: "last time I checked 215-220."
*Chris actually seems interested in blood types.
*Chris says that his mind goes blank because he is too creative for his thoughts. He refers to himself as a "creative genius".
*Chris says that the way the brain works is the same as computers: random access memory.
*Chris is writing a 500 word essay about [[autism]] for Kacey. He tries to emphasise how great he is for doing this.

==Transcript==
{{transcription}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?2i238caqrp6h00o mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 11]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 13]]}}

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Kacey Call 11

2011-03-14T02:12:34Z

Liquid!:

Just a brief overview until the entire call is transcribed.

File Name: kc090709.mp3

*[[Chris]] got an email saying [[Target]] was not going to hire him.
*Chris has 10 dollars in the bank but he's going to start saving!
*[[Kacey]] asks to coach Chris and help him save money.
*Talking about walking and working out.
*Chris volunteers to give Kacey a Q&A about [[autism]] for her Abnormal Psychology class.
*Kacey asks for him for info right now about autism.
*Chris says that he'll only do it if the maximum is 500 words.
*Kacey asks if Chris ever uploaded essays from [[High School]] to [[CWCipedia]], he says he hasn't found them yet.
*Chris tries to push a relationship on her, but she turns him off right away.
*Chris is going to take a yoga class. He heard about yoga from ''[[Wii]] Fit''.
*Chris said the last workout he had was standing on one leg for an ENTIRE ''[[Guitar Hero]]'' song!
*Chris is comparing ''Rock Band'' [[guitar]]s to ''Guitar Hero'' guitars. Kacey says she likes real guitars and likes it when guys write songs for her. Chris says he could play ''Guitar Hero'' for her, and he can write a song in ''Guitar Hero'' for her. Kacey isn't impressed and Chris doesn't understand the difference between the two.
*"I can be just as good in ''Guitar Hero'' as a real guitar."
*Chris walks around the mall for exercise. Five whole laps!
*Chris complains about the lack of male bras at J.C. Penny.
*Chris didn't realize you can wash bras, thought you had to throw them away after every three days of use.
*Kacey suggests for Chris to spray his bras with febreze. Kacey recommends lavender.
*Kacey says that she mixes her perfumes to smell better. Chris compares this to mixing food together at Country Cookin'.
*Chris says he was reading [[Playboy]] earlier and they had a ''[[Family Guy]]'' article.
*'''Chris complains that ''Family Guy'' was canceled originally because [[9/11]] distracted people from the show.'''
*Chris is upset to find out that Stewie is gay.
*Chris admits to reading ''Playgirl'' once.
*Kacey was uncomfortable with the subject, so they stopped talking about ''Playboy''/''Playgirl''.
*Kim convinced Chris to watch the news more often.
*Chris claims he is drawing more [[Sonichu]].
*Kacey says that she is excited for [[Vivian]]'s next audiobook. Chris gets stressed out.
*Kacey suggests to Chris to make his own audiobooks if he doesn't like Vivian's version.
*Chris talks about how he can't trust Vivian due to [[Clyde Cash]] being related. Chris complains about Clyde for a while, but then says that Clyde is dead now so it's okay. Chris says he is glad that Clyde is dead.
*Chris says that he never read [[A Girl Who Brought Down the World|Vivian's book]], and he gave it to [[Rocky]] instead.
*Chris is looking for new jobs. He says he can make 980 dollars a month without losing the tugboat.
*Chris is trying to get a discount at the gym by talking to his doctor.
*'''Chris sent a letter to his doctor about his [[penis]]. Letter included asking about if his penis being bent was okay, how to straighten it out, and trying to get penis enlarging medication.'''
*Chris asks Kacey how big Liquid's penis is. Kacey starts laughing really hard, and then says that it's 9 inches, thick, and it would hurt sometimes. Chris is amazed and sounds depressed and talks about how small his penis is.
*Chris is upset that Kacey said that she enjoyed [[Liquid]]'s cock.
*Chris admits that he is taking penis enlargement medication, and starts describing his cock in detail to Kacey.
*Kacey says she has to go, unless Chris has any more questions about Liquid's cock. Chris says no, and the call ends.

==Transcript==
{{transcription}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?fgvc20aqdd5g5x5 mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 10]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 12]]}}

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Kacey Call 10

2011-03-14T02:12:18Z

Liquid!:

4 [[September 2009]]

*[[Chris]] mowed the back yard today. His mom mowed the front yard.
*Chris says he jogged around the neighborhood.
*Chris "forgot" to buy [[Bob]] a birthday present. [[Vivian Gee]] didn't forget, she sent him a nice gift basket.
*Chris still hates Vivian for making the [[Audiobooks]] and making a mockery and slander out of him. Kacey likes the Audiobooks.
*Chris didn't read Vivian's book "and he did not care to"; he gave it to his pastor who told Chris it's a mockery of him.
*Chris bought some [[sports bra]]s, he likes them and now wears them all the time.
*Chris was confused by bra sizes, so he had to ask a girl to measure him.
*Chris now understands how women feel because he has to wear a bra too.
*Chris talks about chromosomes, and implies that he's part-woman or something stupid.
*Chris shaved his belly before taking the [[Sports bra#Gallery|sports bra photos]].
*Chris claims he had manboobs since he was 8 years old.
*Chris has no goals or ambitions, but he once wanted to be a cowboy.
*Chris dreamt that he had a daughter with him at his office job; in the dream he called her Crystal. Clearly this was [[God]] showing him the future.
*Chris would like to get married before he turns 30.
*Chris currently has $10 in his savings, but he's "letting it grow". He also just bought a bunch of video games.
*Chris doesn't want to sell any of his [[video games]], he wants to hold on to them for his children to enjoy.
*Chris admits he's really just keeping the games for himself.
*Kacey calls Chris a hoarder. Chris has never heard of that word.
*Chris blames his hoarding on his parents again, it's all their fault, they're a bunch of packrats.
*If Chris moves any of the shit out, his mom will yell at him.
*Apparently, when Chris asked his parents about moving stuff out of the house, they said "NO NO NO NO NO NO NO WE'RE GONNA KICK YOU OUTTA THE HOUSE".

==Transcript==
{{transcription}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?49thdxgd6gfbnv0 mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 9]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 11]]}}

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Kacey Call 9

2011-03-14T02:11:58Z

Liquid!:

3 [[September 2009]]

*[[Chris]] says he's okay being just friends. However, one second later, he says that [[Kacey]] telling him they're just friends is like "stabbing him in the heart".
*Chris: "When I feel love, I feel da happy tingling, I feel happy, elated and ecstatic".
*Chris nervously asks if Kacey has ever drank [[alcohol]], apparently Chris briefly drank a lot but now he only drinks "socially".
*Chris is confused and disappointed that Kacey still has feelings for [[Liquid Chris]]. Chris understands because he had strong feelings for girls in the past, but they were all [[trolls]] or they [[death|died]].
*Kacey questions how Chris can be in love with so many girls.
*Chris gets mad about getting his [[PSN]] accounts hacked. Kacey points out that he's way more passionate about that than about those girls.
*Chris angrily recounts his one date with [[Faeryn]] and how she told him "I'm just not into you", and she totally "said that out of nowhere". Kacey asks what went wrong. Chris: "Maybe I did touch her a few times... but this was before I met you!" Kacey gets Chris to describe Faeryn, probably trying to get him to call her fat. He describes her as heavyset and a "wild fun one."
*Chris needs more "guy friends" to hang out with, Chris says he never socialized with guys growing up. Kacey says it's "kinda gay" that he only had [[gal pals|female friends]], so he backpedals and says that he had some male buddies growing up and they "hung out like straight men".
*Chris says that his autism makes it so he can't make any friends that are guys. Kacey says that Chris is bullshitting.
*Kacey says he was probably "too girly" for the other guys. Chris says he has done "boy things" such as playing soccer, volleyball, and football in [[high school]].
*Chris blames his [[autism]], his [[father]], and other males for his not having male friends.
*Kacey says women are way more evil than men. Chris says "that's stupid," then goes on to say that he knows more about women than Kacey due to [[TV]].
*Kacey asks if Chris has ever started a fight, Chris says he needs to "ponder about it" for a bit. He then says yes, with his father.
*Chris argues with his father a lot, gets pretty angry when talking about it.
*Kacey asks for a story, and Chris starts whining and raising his voice about his memory and how Kacey is asking too much of him.
*"I don't remember spoken words or what I've said".
*Chris says he's never started a physical fight, but he totally fought back when people beat on him
*Some kid punched Chris on the bus and knocked his glasses off. HE KNOCKED HIS [[glasses|GLASSES]] OFF. The fight was caused because Chris wanted to get off the bus before another kid.
*Chris claims he fought back (note that he tells a different version of this story to [[Jackie]] one year later).
*After this fight he got put on the Special Ed Bus, where some kid named Tony would tap him on the head and spit on him.
*Chris wouldn't move seats because he didn't want to find a new seat from what he would choose every day. "IT WAS MY CONSTANT ROUTINE THAT I RIDE ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BUS IN THE FRONT SEAT"
*Chris starts raising his voice and Kacey threatens to hang up.
*The "Special Aid Worker" on the bus didn't help Chris, Chris didn't like her because "she was all butch" and would raise her voice to Chris.
*Kacey suggests for him to type his stories up and to put them on [[CWCipedia]]. Chris thinks if the trolls hear about this they will mock him for it, but then says he'll think about it.
*Chris gets stressed out and asks permission to get off the phone.

==Transcript==
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey, Chris. It’s Kacey. How are ya?
 '''Chris:''' Hey, Kace. I’m okay. How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' I’m okay. Just tired.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Long day at work.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, uh… [unintelligible] I fairly much-I fairly much got over what happened last night. And uh… you know, I’m still-I’m still gonna be friends with you. I just want to let you know about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Y-you get over it? What do you mean by that?
 '''Chris:''' C’mon, didn’t you get the email I sent you last night?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I did. You told me to watch some movies. I already did, and I was like, I don’t get it.
 '''Chris:''' Telling somebody you’re gonna be – telling somebody whose hopeful expectations of something better than being just friends [unintelligible] just friends forever. That’s like stabbing him-that’s like stabbing him in the back or in the heart.
 '''Kacey:''' And you think that trying to push attentions on somebody who’s in love with someone else isn’t like stabbing them in the heart?
 '''Chris:''' I did not say that and I did not… I…
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, you just can’t predict the future and you can’t force things on people, like I just want you to respect how I feel right now. I mean, actions speak louder than words. I mean… just, right now… I mean, I’m not saying I know what’s gonna happen, but you can’t wither. I mean… just, right now it’s like, you’ve gotta understand what I’m going through.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' And for you to go behind my back and tell people that I’m gonna be your girlfriend… I mean, just, you know… you would ruin anything you could’ve had anyway. Just, right now is not the time, and you need to respect that. I’m not saying that I hate you or anything. I’m just saying… no.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. I’m sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, do you not understand how much pain I’m going through?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I do understand. I do understand, you know? Yeah, the guy… he left you…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I don’t think you do. I mean, do you… do you even know what love is? What is love to you?
 '''Chris:''' Love, to me, is like a lot of things. It’s complicated to talk about, like most anybody else would, but you know, when I feel love, it’s like I feel… I feel the tingle-I feel the happy tingling and I feel happy, elated, ecstatic… and the-and it just feels-it just feels really really good. And I still…
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but love is pain too, you know, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, love is just intensity.
 '''Chris:''' Love is intensity?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes. I mean, it could go either way. It’s not always good and it’s not always bad.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. Actually, I understand that. Mmm… yeah, anyway… uh… I don’t really have much on my mind right now. Actually, I do have one question I had-I did want to ask you.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' It may not be appropriate, but… yeah. Have you ever… drank? You know, alcoholic beverages.
 '''Kacey:''' O-of course I have. I’m over twenty-one.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, I had my celebratory twenty-first birthday dinner at least. I mean, I don’t drink a lot, but… I-I have had drinks. Why do you ask?
 '''Chris:''' I was just wondering, cause yeah, you know, I’ve had-I’ve had some myself and I don’t drinky as much either. [pause] I mean, it’s like, you know… uh… you know, at first I-I did more-did more often, because, you know, it just felt good, but then I realized that’s how bad it was. And then I-and then I stayed of it and I don’t do it as much.
 '''Kacey:''' I-it’s not that bad if you do it in moderation. I mean, one drink won’t kill you or anything like that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, one drink in a d-one drink in a day.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, you can have more than one drink, it’s just that you don’t want to get to the point where it rules you, where like, you always have to have a drink.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I don’t-I don’t feel like I have to have a drink every day.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, that’s good.
 '''Chris:''' Cause, you know, I’ll drink socially.
 '''Kacey:''' Y-yeah, most people are social drinkers.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. I just wanted to ask. Get that question out of the way.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, umm… yeah, okay. So, you’re still having feelings for… uh… for Chris, yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' O-of course I did. I was-I was gonna marry him. I mean, I know we didn’t know each other for very long, but … I fell for him really hard. I mean, you don’t know much pain I am-I’m in. I-I-It sucks that I can’t even see him, that I can’t hear him, that I can’t even touch him. I mean, i-it sucks. It hurts.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I’ve had that happen to me before, you know. It’s like, you know, I had high expectations myself. You know, yeah, with the-with the women I talked to one at a time, of course you know, with them. And they either-they either turn out to be trolls or they died.
 '''Kacey:''' O-or they died?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Like… uh… Sarah Jackson for one was in an auto-automobile accident between her car and a truck. Sarah Cassandra McKenzie was involved in that brushfire last-brushfire last January.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote love?

{{transcription}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?frfx699g1akern5 mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 8]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 10]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 8

2011-03-14T02:11:31Z

Liquid!:

2 [[September 2009]]

*Chris found out that he can earn up to $980 a month at a [[job]] while still receiving welfare.
*Chris says he'll apply at [[Wal-Mart]] to be a greeter or mop floors, claims he can take directions "up to a certain level of forcefulness".
*Chris just rented a ''Hanna Montanna'' movie, Kacey asks if he's worried about renting that at age 27.
*Chris defends his movie choices, says he has the "mind of a younger age" and eventually he can pass that shit to his children.
*Chris enjoys adult comedies like ''Seinfeld'', ''[[Family Guy]]'' and ''Friends''.
*Chris thinks he can identify with George Costanza.
*Kacey jokes that Chris is like "the George Costanza of [[Sonichu]]" and he gets VERY offended, saying that's a worse image than the retarded Sonichu fanart.
*Chris watched an episode of [[House]] that featured an [[autistic]] child.
*Chris favorited some hentai on [[YouTube]] (as "[[Christopher]]"), lies that he doesn't remember doing that.
*Chris clearly regrets ever coming up with this multiple personality horseshit now that he has to explain it.
*'''Now he claims he never had multiple personalities, he was just possessed by the ghost one of the [[trolls]] who died'''.
*Chris was either possessed by the ghost of [[BlueSpike|Max Milvania]] or [[Clyde Cash]].
*Chris totally "willed away" his other personality since yesterday.
*Chris tries to change the subject because he knows how fucking stupid he sounds and he wants to pretend this never happened.
*Chris told his [[mom]] about buying a [[sports bra]] (but not his [[dad]]), he felt like his mom should know.
*Chris drinks chocolate-flavored soy milk.
*Chris was taking vitamins for a while, but he stopped because he "didn't feel like taking them".
*Chris and Kacey spend a long time talking about healthy food that Chris will never eat.
*Chris gets "thousands" of troll calls, making it hard for Kim and [[Kacey]] to call him.
*Chris doesn't know the password on his own phone.
*Chris thinks Kacey and Kim should get new phones so they can call him without any problems.
*Kacey is mad because Chris told some other girl that he is turning Kacey into his [[Sweetheart From the Ground-Up]].
*Kacey says they're only friends and they'll only ever be friends. Chris is disappointed.
*Chris: "It's called [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|wishful thinking]]".

==Transcript==
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hi! It's Kacey!
 '''Chris:''' Hey Kace, how are you?
 '''Kacey:''' I’m ok, just a little tire. How are you?
 '''Chris:''' Ahh, I’m ok. Yeah, I got some good news though, in case Kac-Kim hasn’t told you. My fath- my fam- my father and me went down to the social security office. Apparently, I can earn 980 dollars in a month at a job and it would not affect my social security.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s good. Is that just for the trial period?
 '''Chris:''' It’s you know… in general.
 '''Kacey:''' So…that’s forever?
 '''Chris:''' Prob- Likely so.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh! Well that’s great news. See? Now go get a job. You can do it. That’s awesome. I’m glad you found that out.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah… even though I pretty much have taken care of Walmart over the internet. I’m going to personally go to Target tomorrow, as well as McDonald’s, maybe Toys R Us, or maybe a place in the mall, a couple- I’m not sure a-about those other places. Yeah, I’ll definitely be going out to turn out applications tomorrow.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s good. That’s good. Um…I’m happy about that. Like what did you want to do? Like maybe, just be a door greeter or something?
 '''Chris:''' If I could, I’d like to be either a stock shelfer- a shelf stocker or a cashier. Or ev- or even.
 '''Kacey:''' [Interrupts] Oh yeah, if you stock shelves, you can work on those muscles.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, or even be, you know, just be- mopping the- just janitorial work. I’d be- I wouldn’t mind doing that.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh yeah, that’s good. I mean, th-that’s a good humble position. I hope you get it. Umm... just remember you’re going to have to listen to authority if you do that [chuckles].
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it’s ok. I can- I can take direction as long as it’s, you know, [pause and sigh], as it’s at a certain level of forcefulness. Umm... as long as it doesn’t give the impression of major threat, something like that. But yeah, I can follow direction easily enough.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh yeah, that’s good. Well definitely good luck on that and keep me posted.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, I will. Hmm, so yah have some- a class or two today?
 '''Kacey:''' Of course I did. Yeah, I have classes Monday thru Friday
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that’s right. Yeah you do. And then you go to work right? Yup
 '''Kacey:''' Yep. Well today I didn’t go to work. I did some laundry and some house-work.
 '''Chris:''' That’s good. [pause] That’s good to have some time to yourself. Um ('''Kacey:''' Yes) anyway, did some laundry, did some house-work… Um... didn’t you say you were living with a room-mate?
 '''Kacey:'''Ah, yes I do have room-mates. I decided dorm-life wasn’t for me.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, dorm-life? So you’re not living in a dorm?
 '''Kacey:''' Nope.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, um… Is this like… you’re living in your own house?
 '''Kacey:''' Um, we’re renting. It’s just an apartment. It’s pretty small.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. You moved, so you’re in an apartment now.
 '''Kacey:''' Ah, yeah. You know, cuz it’s the start of the semester.
 '''Chris:''' I’m sorry, what was that?
 '''Kacey:''' Cuz I moved, at the start of the semester.
 '''Chris:''' Oh you moved- oh ok. Yeah, I remember we talked earlier about you-you’re living with your room-mate and uh-b-borrowing your room-mates PS3 and whatever
 '''Kacey:''' Right.
 '''Chris:''' Like that rules out that messa- communication to your room-mate’s PS3 if you don’t have a room-mate right now [chuckles like he’s made a joke]. Well at least you still have your Wii. ('''Kacey:''' Yes) You know, we can talk through that.
 '''Kacey:''' Yes
 '''Chris:''' You know, Yeah have you updated with the recent updates? It’s an update-
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupts] No, actually I haven’t. It’s still glowing blue. I’m uh, I’m you know, I just haven’t really touch it lately, I’ve been busy.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah you know, one of the updates I’ve noticed on my Wii, I-I keep it and my Play Station 3 up to date. Y-You know in addition to the t-text messages, you can also send 10 second voice messages.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, that’s cool.
 '''Chris:''' Y-yeah, you have to have the Wii speak for that. You know, it comes with Animal Crossing, by the way, I have that.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, well I don’t. I mean, I got the game, but I didn’t get like the pack with the Wii Speak.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, You’d need the Wii Speak for ah… for the 10 second recording. [pause] Anyway, um, let me see… what else, what else. OH yeah, I, ah return Labyrinth today, but I- guess I- guess what I rented for a dollar? It ca-came into the fam-It came into the dollar section last time, I noticed, when I rented Labyrinth.
 '''Kacey:''' Ah, my other favorite movie, Dark Crystal?
 '''Chris:''' [Pause] Dark Crys- Ah no. I don’t think you mentioned Dark Crystal. If you did I might have forgotten it… Anyway, no not Dark Crystal, I rented Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus Best of Both Worlds Concert.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, cool. Hannah Montana. But yeah, you must have forgotten about Dark Crystal.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' A-Aren’t you worried about being 27 and renting a Hannah Montana Movie though?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, not too much. [Stutters] I-It’ll-It- not too much.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, she is underage.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean, yeah, I mean, I don’t have THOSE thoughts about her, I do not. I’m serious.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but still. I’m just saying. You know, like me, I’m a girl, but don’t you worry about what people think when the see a 27 year old man coming up with Hannah Montana?
 '''Chris:''' I liked her music, so it’s like, I, you know, want to hear a little bit more of it. Of what I’ve heard, which isn’t very much.
 '''Kacey:'''[At a loss for words] Ah, ok well. A-as long as your comfortable with it. You know it’s just, some people would think it’s kind of gay.
 '''Chris:''' Well… [Pause] Yeah, it’s like you know… I think I’ve told you before how… It’s like I have a mind set of a younger age a-at most of the time, even though I have the body of a 20-adult. So it’s like, you know, I like to enjoy the a current young type things you know, my children will be enjoying themselves.
 '''Kacey:'''[Long pause] Well I mean, yeah, it’s good to have nostalgia and everything. Like sometimes, I’ll watch old things like Jem or Care Bears or something. But you still have to grow up. I mean, y-you know, it can’t rule your life.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, like, I should be watching more House or The Office.
 '''Kacey:''' I-If those are things you enjoy. You don’t have to do everything just because I do it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I-I do enjoy Seinfeld and Family Guy and… I enjoy those adult comedies.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s good.
 '''Chris:''' [Long pause] You know, I can-can’t just quote Seinfeld off the top of my head, it would have to just randomly come to me from memory. [Giggles] You know what? George always struck me as funny you know, he’s like the quirky guy that’s just, you know, being himself but yet nobody really likes him that much.
 '''Kacey:''' So do you identify with him?
 '''Chris:''' Uh yes, in like, you know, yeah, r-related to me, like similar life style and yeah fairly much so yeah I’ll-
 '''Kacey:''' [Interrupts] So, So you’re like the George Costanza of Sonichu I guess.
 '''Chris:''' [Offended] No. I had not even thought of that and the thought of that just, just does not register with me.
 '''Kacey:''' But you just said you identify with him.
 '''Chris:''' [Huffs and sighs] George Costanza of Sonichu. That’s a worse image to imagine than those, t-the retarded open mouthed [adds ‘retarded’ voice] “Hey look at me. I’m some kind of retarded idiot” [returns to normal voice] Sonichu fan drawing somebody, I recall somebody else doing-
 '''Kacey:''' [Interrupts] What?! Ar-Ar I-It was just a joke. Are you trying to make fun of me? ('''Chris:''' No) I mean, that’s insulting.
 '''Chris:''' No. I’m not making fun of you.
 '''Kacey:''' And I mean, you can’t make fun of people like that. We’ve been through this before. What are you doing?
 '''Chris:''' No, no. I was just saying the image…of a George Costanza Sonichu, it just does not appeal to me.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, yeah. But don’t call people retarded like that. That was uncalled for. I don’t even know where that came from.
 '''Chris:''' [Stress sigh] If you noticed on the ED page, there is a whole bunch of questionable fanart…where it’s mostly-
 '''Kacey:''' [Interrupts] Chris! I thought-I thought you didn’t like the ED page. Why do you keep telling me to go to it? I mean if all the stuff, in your life...
 '''Chris:''' [Tries to cut in but Kacey talks over him]
 '''Kacey:''' No, just stop. Stop! You talk about it all the time, you need to let it go.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I do hate it. I’m just saying, like you know, I have seen it before. I have seen it-
 '''Kacey:'''[Cuts in] Yeah, but like every other phone call you keep talking about it. “Kacey go look at it. Kacey go look at it.” I thought you didn’t want me to.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I do not want you to look at it. I-I don’t have to talk about it. B-But I’m just saying…don’t… They just made me look stupid. Th-Those artists are just drawing those to make me look stupid
 '''Kacey:''' Whichever.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Anyway, umm… We can talk about more pleasant things ah…. Yeah. I got- umm…My tugboat came in early-um came in earlier... ah so I invested a dollar nine, I invested a little bit of it and downloaded that to a House I told you about.
 '''Kacey:''' Ok
 '''Chris:''' Season 3 episode 4 Lines in the Sand.
 '''Kacey:''' Right
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it’s the one with the autistic child. I told you about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, yeah you did. Th-There’s a lot better episodes though.
 '''Chris:''' [Sounds dejected] Hm... Though still I mean-
 '''Kacey:''' [Talks over] But House is pretty good all the way around.
 '''Chris:''' Ok, yeah, yeah. That’s good that you enjoy House. Yeah. I can enjoy- I can enjoy it more…I mean yeah, I can get into that you know-
 '''Kacey:'''[Interrupts] Well um, I see that you’ve um... favorited some new videos. Um... there’s one Anime that I actually really like. Um, so, I mean-
 '''Chris:''' Parappa the Rapper
 '''Kacey:''' Nooo, the Welcome to the NHK.
 '''Chris:''' [Pause] Wait. Umm...
 '''Kacey:''' You don’t know what videos you favorited?
 '''Chris:''' [Pause] Hm, I put, a like you know, so like umm…. Wait, ok. Was this a recent add to my favorite list? The ah, Welcome to the N-
 '''Kacey:''' Yes!
 '''Chris:''' I don’t even remember. I do not even remember that one. I hope nobody is hacking into my pla-my youtube again.
 '''Kacey:''' Bu-But you left-
 '''Chris:''' I’ll have to take a look at that.
 '''Kacey:''' But you left a comment…I mean it’s…
 '''Chris:''' [Long pause] I do not remember that. [Small pause] Oh my god, I hope nobody’s got into my Youtube again… I’ll have to take a look at that when we finish up here.
 '''Kacey:''' No, no, I’m pretty sure everything’s ok. I mean, you left some weird comment saying that it had something to do with Christopher or something. I mean, d-do you do things that you don’t remember?
 '''Chris:''' If I, If I did, If [Stress Sigh] I don’t know.
 '''Kacey:''' I’m going to take that as a Yes.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I don’t know. I mean, if I did…and I wasn’t suppose to, and if I didn’t know it after the fact I did it.. it would definitely be like, you know, I don’t know. And-
 '''Kacey:''' [Interrupts] But, uh, I guess- I guess does Christopher know?
 '''Chris:''' No, I willed him away Monday night. I have not heard from him since. I mean- I mean you were right, it was just a possession. I was being possessed… probably by a trolling site- probably by a ghost of one of the past trolls that died.
 '''Kacey:''' [Astonished] W-What?! What do you think it is??
 '''Chris:''' A-A What you told me, you know, p- I was being possessed otherwise I, otherwise yeah. I mean, I was aware, I was aware what was going on with that other guy so, yeah. It definitively was not a split personality. I mean-
 '''Kacey:''' [Talks over Chris] Well I mean, there’s a comment that, that read “I want out Christian.” So you think it’s the ghost of a troll that died? Which troll?
 '''Chris:''' I don’t know. There’s like a number, there’s like a number of them. Like I don’t… I can name two off the top of my head. Max Milvania, who posed as Julie during that Julie fiasco and then there’s Clyde Cash.
 '''Kacey:''' W-Well I mean, from what you told me… I thought Max was alive, I thought Clyde was the only one who was dead. You think it’s Clyde!
 '''Chris:''' I do-I don’t know everything. I don’t know. I’m just speaking theories right now. I don’t know for sure.
 '''Kacey:''' W-What happens if he’s still in you? Oh my gosh!
 '''Chris:''' [Stress sigh] A-Anyway… hm
 '''Kacey:''' NO! This is scary. Oh my gosh!
 '''Chris:''' [Dramatic sigh] It is scary. But anyway I-I-I wil- I willed that second guy out of my head Monday night and I have not heard from him since.
 '''Kacey:''' But I thought you talked about him the other day…I mean, are you sure? I mean, if it’s really that strong of a possession it could be tricking you. Maybe that’s why you’re going blank. I mean, you talked about this yesterday. So, you couldn’t have sworn it off on Monday.
 '''Chris:''' [Long pause] No, I willed it away W-I-L-L.
 '''Kacey:''' Ok, you couldn’t have willed it away though cuz you were mentioning this yesterday. Ok. Well, let’s just hope that it is gone.
 '''Chris:''' [Starts stuttering] No, no, no, no, yeah we- I mean we weren’t – I mean yeah, we were talking about it yesterday. But it’s like, you know, I wasn’t sure I had willed it away completely. I wanted to make sure, like you know, by waiting, you know, a couple of days to a week before I fin- before I make a final statement around my theory of having willed it away- having will-willing that guy away was true or not.
 '''Kacey:''' Um, ok. I-I’m not quite sure that makes sense, but ok.
 '''Chris:''' It’s like you know, You want to make sure-
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe you should still see that doctor, you know?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I’m gonna, Yeah, I’m gonna, Yeah, I’m gonna
 '''Kacey:''' Have you made an appointment? Or have you seen someone?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I made an appointment with Doctor McGovern. And ah, yeah I’m- yeah yeah. I’m going to talk to him and I’ll
 '''Kacey:''' You’re going to see him soon?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, and I’m also going to ask him about the a, about the gym membership discount.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh that’s good, that’s good. I hope you can get one.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, that, that would be good. By the way, I’ve mentioned to my mother, but not my father, about my shop, my shopping for sports bra.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I-I don’t think that, I’m not sure your dad would be comfortable about that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah but, my mom, my mom was more understanding about that topic.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh? So your mom agreed?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. [Pause] She did.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you are older, so you don’t have to tell them anything, you don’t have to tell them everything Chris. Especially with adult decisions like that. You can’t go running around-
 '''Chris:''' [Tries to talk over Kacey] Yeah bu, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I m-I mean
 '''Kacey:''' But, I’m glad she agreed with you.
 '''Chris:''' You know, I feel- I feel like my mom should know since, you know. I’m going to start exercising-I’m going to start going out and start jogging. But then I had- I told her before about my man-boobs and my concern about them. So then there’s like, you know, I wanted to let her know that, you know, I do notice that when I move about quickly I do shake about a lot so that bothers me. So I’m in the market for a sports bra a-and she agreed with me on that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. Well as long as sh-she agreed.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. [Long Pause] Hmm... but yeah, shopping for vegetables. Yeah, I can definitely go to the grocery store and get more ah, get more fresh, more fresh produce instead of going out to a fast food restaurant, even though it might be a little bit more pricey.
 '''Kacey:''' Right, right. But eating healthy is like that. Um, so what kind of vegetables are you going to get?
 '''Chris:''' You know, definitely fresher salad. You said Romaine, Roman, Romaine ('''Kacey:'''Romaine Lettuce? Yeah.) Contains more than regular lettuce.
 '''Kacey:''' Right, like regular lettuce is mainly just roughage and water. Like, the best thing is Mixed Field Greens.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, Mixed Field Greens. Yeah you did mention that. Mixed Field Greens, I remember. Yeah, Mixed Field Greens or yeah salad with Romaine Lettuce. O-Ok. How about tomatoes?
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, of course tomatoes are good.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, crushed tomatoes. How about-
 '''Kacey:''' Well, well I mean, just stay, just stay away from things in cans. Like, it’s ok every so often, but, um you know, there’s a lot of sodium in there. And even if you get the lower sodium kinds it’s still not as good and it doesn’t have as many nutrients.
 '''Chris:''' Well, o-ok, well st- but I’m talking about like, if I go to the grocery store and they have a little mini-salad bar where I can make my own salad. I could find- and they have like the Romaine Lettuce and then I’m just- you know individual vegetables that I could put into my salad.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, remember, just salads aren’t all you can do. You know, um...you know you could, you know, get certain types of vegetables you could cook with.
 '''Chris:''' [Pause] Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean raw is good. I mean, have you ever thought of trying tofu?
 '''Chris:''' I’ve heard of tofu, and I’m not really sure about it.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, I love tofu. I add tofu to salads. I add it to everything.
 '''Chris:''' You add tofu to your salads.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, and you should, ah, try soy milk.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, m-m-my mom and I, we drink, ahhhh, we drink soy milk.
 '''Kacey:''' OH, you already drink soy milk.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, Silk. Th-That brand of soy mil-brand of soy milk, Silk. I’m sure you’ve heard of it.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, ok.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but my mom generally likes to get the chocolate flavored soy milk, Silk.
 '''Kacey:''' So, do you drink it a lot?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I drink it sometimes. Yeah, I could drink it more.
 '''Kacey:'''You should… Um ok, you should try to get the regular white one. You shouldn’t always get chocolate all the time.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, ok. I’ll kee- I will keep that in mind.
 '''Kacey:''' Yes.
 '''Chris:''' Ok. [Pause and Chris starts to mumble and talk under his breath] Hmm... so always eat tofu and you... You mentioned soy milk ah yeah, let’s continue on from there. What’s your next suggestion?
 '''Kacey:''' Ummm. Ok, well you should eat a lot of, let’s see here… um definitely a lot of dark leafy vegetables, like kale and collards and stuff, in moderation of course. Because those have fiber and a lot of vitamins you need.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm.. Kale and Collard?
 '''Kacey:'''Collards, yeah. And mustard greens, turnip greens…
 '''Chris:''' Oh. I like turnip greens. I’ve never heard of mustard greens though.
 '''Kacey:''' Th-They all pretty much taste the same.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Well, I used to confuse turnip greens with spinach.
 '''Kacey:''' Really? Totally different taste.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, different taste but I used to you know, because the got- th-they both just have that dark shade of green
 '''Kacey:''' Right.
 '''Chris:''' Umm.
 '''Kacey:''' But, I mean, remember Chris, I’m not a doctor or a nurse yet, I mean... you can Google these things and they’ll give you a lot of information on vegetables and stuff. J-Just remember, only eating vegetables is bad too. You need to have balance and everything.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I understand that balance. Yes, yeah so I’ll eat some fruits as well so yeah. Let’s talk about fruits. Um. I-I think you can agree, with like apples, bananas, oranges, lemons for lemonade.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh yeah, th-that… Definitely, definitely citrus fruits are good. Ah, you should try to eat grapefruit every morning.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Ok, yeah, grapefruit. Um, ok, I’ll, well. How about, let’s see, strawberries…?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, berries are good too. You should eat a lot of blueberries.
 '''Chris:''' Ah, more blueberries than strawberries?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, if you... You should eat a lot of blueberries.
 '''Chris:''' Ok. You know- you know they put ah blueberries and strawberries in McDonald’s, in they a parfait. I’m just saying.
 '''Kacey:''' Well I mean, um, you could also get those types of juices, like the natural ones. I mean they’re pretty expensive but their worth it. Like the berry goodness one’s really good and so is the green one. It’s got like kiwi… It’s got fruits and vegetables in it.
 '''Chris:''' Ah, ok, wait a minute. Juices?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I mean like a juice or a smoothie in the morning is good, cuz ah you don’t want ah- eat too much at breakfast but like I told you. You want to do like five little meals everyday at least.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, ok. I’ve tried smoothies… I like those. We got- we- I-you know I get a smoothie, you know, every once in a whi-once in a while we’ll get a smoothie from Sheetz. They’re pretty good. Fresh fruit smoothies. I generally like the ah-
 '''Kacey:''' Well just remember you don’t want it to be an unhealthy smoothie. Like, there’s this place in the suburbs that I like to go to and they have this health shake and it’s got like wheat germ and fruits and stuff in it and it’s got nothing, like sugary, in it. It’s really good.
 '''Chris:''' Ok. Yeah, definitely local-l-local, local smoothie shops. Yeah, can agree with you on that. I can definitely name one around here that you know, you might find next time you’re in town, unless- if you feel like it’s the same kind of place you got um [unintelligible] at lunch and I found. ('''Kacey:''' Huh?) You know the advance cards, you know the advance card that comes out like every September, aaand [starts being incoherent] sticks em out for a life, but their good for a year and it has all these discounts and whatnot?
 '''Kacey:''' Uhuh
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but anyway, but anyway, They have one on the new one I just got. It’s called a tropical smoothie buffet, ('''Kacey:''' Uhuh), if you wanna go shopping there, Joshua introduced me to it to him. Very good wraps and smoothies there as well.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh that’s good, but um, you should also talk to your doctor about getting on a vitamin diet plan. I mean, y-you just take vitamins every day, like calcium and iron and vitamin b at least.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, I was on vitamins for a while years, uh, a few years ago but then I… I just didn’t feel like taking them and I just stopped on that.
 '''Kacey:''' Wait. You can’t do that. I mean, that’ll hurt your body. I mean, sometimes we do need supplements.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, ok. I’m just saying, like I you know, I did- it was like this box of multiple vitamins, you know, like 30 packets and you get like one pill of each vitamin, and uh, in th-in th-in the one, in the one packet and you take those one at a time. You can find them at CVS, but I forget what the brand name is though.
 '''Kacey:''' But, ya, you know those may not be not exactly what you need, like you should talk with your doctor. You might have to get your vitamins, you know, separately and everything. Cuz some of those packs, the-they’re-they just put them there to make money. Like, you should actually go to a place that specializes in vitamins.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah, ok. Anyway getting back to this smoothie café for a moment though. On the coupon, on the advance card it allows me ten percent off any wrap, sandwich, or smoothie.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, ok.
 '''Chris:''' That’s a good deal.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but you know, don’t, don’t, don’t uh, jeopardize you health just because it’s a good deal. I mean your health is worth way more than that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I kn-I just wanted to get that away while I had the card in my hand.
 '''Kacey:''' And besides…you know, some calcium things, they have calcium chews now. So I mean, th-there’s like so many things you can do.
 '''Chris:''' Ah, you said calcium chews?
 '''Kacey:''' Chews? Yeah. I use those.
 '''Chris:''' Ok. Yeah, calcium chew… Alright. Hmm, ah shoot. OH, yeah, Would you agree to yogurt?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, yogurt is really good but you have to watch out with how many flavors you get cuz then that’s when they add the sugar. Um, cottage cheese and fruit would probably be better. But yogurt’s good every so often. 
 '''Chris:''' Ok, well just for record though I’ve- I have actually tried cottage cheese before and I jus- and I do not like it.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I don’t blame you, but it’s still better, I mean, you could also put it in smoothies with fruit. I mean, you could do that with yogurt too. And then you can’t taste it as much. But you’ve gotta use the plain yogurt, you don’t want the ones with added sugars.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, ok. Plain yogurt.
 '''Kacey:''' And, and some of the ones, even if they’re diet, they still, like, they still can mess you up when they have like Splenda and stuff in them.
 '''Chris:''' Ahh, what and stuff?
 '''Kacey:''' Splenda. You know, like the fake sugars.
 '''Chris:''' Splenda. Oh Splenda. Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' It tricks your body and you shouldn’t have a lot of it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, ok. Not a lot of Splenda. [Chuckles] Had a lot of Splenda. [Long Pause] Hmm. Ok, let me think a moment. [Long awkward pause]
 '''Kacey:''' So, anything else on your mind?
 '''Chris:''' Ok, well yeah. I’m pretty much taking in everything we talk about so far. I’m trying to think of a b- of- I’m trying to think of the a-the- a new- something new- good something new to talk about. Umm.
 '''Kacey:''' What ab- what about Sonichu? How are you doing on Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah. Because, you know, I had to go downtown today with my family and social security, I was- I couldn’t get another page done today but… Yeah, yeah I’ll try to get some more pages done tomorrow.
 '''Kacey:''' Ok, that’s good.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, definitely, yeah, you know, I should keep in my mind, you know, I originally started it as a hobby so I should continue it as a hobby, I should not let the trolls try luring me down.
 '''Kacey:''' Right.
 '''Chris:''' Y-you know, their ridicules and all that. Yeah, I was just talking to Kim about, like you know, how to deal with- how to cope with the ah, stress from the trolls. You know, I-I got- Oh by the way, I should let you know, umm, I-I’m on a cell phone plan where I can talk air-time free between 9 and 6, 8, 9pm and 6am and on the weekends.
 '''Kacey:''' That sounds like every cell phone plan.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. But any- Yeah. Anyway after 9 o’clock, I checked my voice- I check my voice messages and de- and delete a majority of them which, you know, also where troll messages anyway. And then, you know, I get to the few incoming calls from familiar troll numbers, or otherwise stri- or otherwise restricted. And, ah, unavailable numbers, which by the way, I know Kim does not call me til the 10 o’clock hour except she said sometime between 9 and 10pm tonight?
 '''Kacey:''' Well what are you going to do if we call you anytime else?
 '''Chris:''' Hm, yeah, I do have my phone on silent and… just ignore them.
 '''Kacey:''' Bu-But what happens if-No, what happens Kim or I try to call you any other time? Like, what if it’s just to say, ‘Hey, I can’t talk to you later.’ Or something? I mean is it just because you don’t have enough minutes?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no no. It’s just like, you know, I get too many incoming troll calls. I mean they’re coming in by the thousands, even if it’s from- I mean, you know, just the number of calls, not the number of people. I get them in the hundreds to thousands [Stutters]. I-It’s been piling up lately it’s-
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you should start blocking those numbers.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but most of them are restricted or unavailable and you can’t and you can’t block those. If you know how, if-if you don’t know the number to block then there you go…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, technically you can but I don’t think you should if you wanna talk to us and stuff, you know?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I, Yeah I know, Yeah. And I have not been able to figure out the blocking option on my phone. I thought I was close, but I rec- but I needed a password and I do not know the four-digit password.
 '''Kacey:''' You don’t know the password on your own phone?
 '''Chris:''' Not at the current moment I do not.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, I guess you’re just going to have to deal with them, you know?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I’ll just, ah, listen to my messages and delete them. But anyway, you know, between you and Kim y’all work on your way on voicemail you know. Hm, I’m going to check those- I’m going to check those probably during the afternoon hours, I could. Ye- you know, yeah, you and Kim can just leave me a message on my voicemail, I’ll get it.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I guess. But you know, it-it’s just frustrating, like sometimes when, you know, like when I was at the mall and I couldn’t reach you. I mean, I don’t know, you just do whatever you feel is best.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. There’ll be-There’ll be- I feel it’ll be much better, you know, yeah, yeah, try and see if you can life the restricted thing off your phone or get a new cell phone. And th-that pretty much goes for Kim too, you know, so then I can-
 '''Kacey:''' [Interrupts] Well, you know I can’t because of my parents. So I wouldn’t bank on that anytime soon.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I know. I know but I’m just putting that out there. You could probably do it in the future, not right now. Yeah, you understand. Anyway, yeah you know, just make it so I can actually read your number and then I’ll know it’s you. Every time.
 '''Kacey:''' Right.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but I mean like, you know, currently I’m expecting you and Kim to call me, you know, respectively during the 10 and 11 o’clock hour.
 '''Kacey:''' Well you know, we-we do have lives Chris. I mean, sometimes that’s just not going to work.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Well you know, y’all could send me like, an e-mail, early in the day. I check my e-mail about early afternoon.
 '''Kacey:''' Ok, well that’s great, but I mean you know since we’re FRIENDS, you know, you’re going to have to make some effort too. So I mean… you know…And speaking of us being friends, Kim told me something interesting. Umm, you know this girl named Scout?
 '''Chris:''' Oh yes, yes, yes Scout, she ah-
 '''Kacey:''' Well, apparently YOU had an e-mail telling her that I wasn’t your sweetheart YET, but we were warming up to each other. What did you mean by that?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, well I was just saying…I was… [Long awkward pause] Hmm... let me think a moment… [Another long pause] I ah, um, Scout and I were gonna meet up- were eventually going to meet together and you know, hang out, but-but then it just never up.
 '''Kacey:''' That-that may be true, but that doesn’t have anything to do with what you told her. You know I’m still in love with MY Chris. You know I’m still going through a lot. So why would you tell people things like this. I mean, what did you mean by that? That we’re warming up to each other. And yet.
 '''Chris:''' I-I mean warming up to each other as-as friends.
 '''Kacey:''' You said I wasn’t your sweetheart YET. How hard is it to understand, that right now, we are friends.
 '''Chris:''' I-I understand det-
 '''Kacey:''' [Talks over Chris] Just say we’re friends. It’s like you’re trying to mold me into something, or trap me. That’s not cool. I mean what happens if ('''Chris:''' I’m sorry) we’re forever friends.
 '''Chris:''' [Pause] Hmmm.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, what happens if I’m in love with Chris forever? I mean, what happens if, even though the circumstances are horrible, he’s my true one?
 '''Chris:''' Well… do you really feel that way right now?
 '''Kacey:''' Right now I do. And that’s why it hurts so much.
 '''Chris:''' Well, if you really want to go out and find him, I will not send you away.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I know, just yo-you- we need to be friends, Chris. You need to tell people we’re friends. You can’t plot behind my back like that.
 '''Chris:''' [Dejected] Ok. I’m sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, how hard is it say friends?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it’s not hard. But it’s called wishful thinking…
 '''Kacey:''' I-I know but the thing is it- it’s wishful, you should keep it to yourself. I mean, if something happens, it does. But if it doesn’t, it doesn’t. The thing is that, you’ll… You just can’t do that. I mean, that’s going to make me angry and push me away. And you need to be respectful of my feelings and how much I love someone else. Even if he can’t be with me.
 '''Chris:''' [Stressful Sigh] Yeah, I understand and I’m sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' Well I hope you do, cuz you know, that just irritates me that you’re doing that behind my back.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, ok. Well I can- I can undo Scout. I think yeah Scout was pretty much the only one I told that too, at this point. I mean, it’s not like I made a YouTube video, which I did not. I can swear to God on that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well I hope not.
 '''Chris:''' I promise you I would not. [Pause] And, but yeah sure, I’ll straighten Scout out, if it’ll make you feel better.
 '''Kacey:''' It will make me feel better. It’ll make me tons better.
 '''Chris:''' Ok, I’ll send an e-mail to Scout and let her know that you and I are just friends. Yeah, I’ll straighten her out.
 '''Kacey:''' Ok.
 '''Chris:''' Ok.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, [Chris stress sighs] I’m going to go ahead and go and ('''Chris:''' Yeah) you know, I’ve got school so I will talk to you- I might be late tomorrow because I’ll be working but I’ll try to talk to you when I could.
 '''Chris:''' Ok, I understand. I-I’ll be waiting for you.
 '''Kacey:''' Ok, alright. Bye.
 '''Chris:''' Bye, talk to you later. Stay safe. Bye-bye.
 End Call

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?4qf7pu74dgi8j9j mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 7]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 9]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 7

2011-03-14T02:11:04Z

Liquid!:

File name: '''kc09109''' 
Date: 1 [[September 2009]]

*[[Kacey]] is still shocked that [[Chris]] is on Lipitor, Chris says the food group he eats the most is vegetables.
*Today Chris totally ate a salad and chicken sandwich from Burger King, and drank like 5 glasses of water.
*The Chandlers have three refrigerators. Chris whines about the house being a mess. [[Bob]] does most of the home cooking (soup and stew); Chris wants Kacey to call Bob.
*Chris says he'll go jogging with Kacey, but tries to back out when she says they'll be jogging five whole miles.
*Chris needs to buy a [[sports bra]] because his manboobs bounce.
*Chris's XL size shirt looks pretty tight on him, Kacey suggests maybe he needs to wear XXXL size. Chris is pretty uncomfortable acknowledging that he is a fat fuck who needs to wear a bra to hold his fat tits.
*Chris was going to talk to social security about getting a [[job]] and a house, and his [[dad]] wouldn't let him go alone.
*Chris just recently learned what financial aid is. Says he can't remember much from the start of college because he was still recovering from his "stressful [[high school]] graduation."
*Chris definitely felt like more of an adult when he turned 21.
*Chris thinks "age of consent" = "you are an adult". Kacey is creeped out that Chris was looking up the age of consent.
*Chris would definitely not date an 18 year old, the youngest he would date is 21 (at the age 27). Kacey says that 6 years difference is too much for a relationship. Chris was never considering dating a 16 year old, he swears to God! Kacey says that if he wanted to have sex with someone 16 years old, that it is "[[pedophilia]]."
*[[Third date]] = [[sex]], Chris learned from [[TV]]. He definitely does not think of Kacey like that though.
*Chris has waited a "LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time" for sex. "It hurts".
*Chris has [[masturbate]]d so much that he "can't even feel that much of a rush from it".
*Chris tard rages after Kacey misunderstands something he says about being a [[virgin]], "I AM VIRGIN AHHHHH".
*Chris thinks this is a good time to talk about having sex with a blowup doll.
*Kacey tells Chris to join a single's group.
*Chris tells Kacey to become a born again virgin because he saw it on ''King of the Hill''.
*Chris, regarding Bluespike and other troll relationships: "I have learned from my mistakes."
*Chris randomly admits that he used to confuse Michael Jordan with Michael Jackson.
*Lately Chris has been able to enjoy masturbation because he had a girl to fantasize with in his head.
*Chris implies that he has been jerking off to Kacey.

==Transcript==

 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hi, Chris! It’s Kacey!
 '''Chris:''' Hi, Kacey! How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' I’m okay. How about you?
 '''Chris:''' I’m okay. I’m doing—I’m fair now. Y’know, I just talked to… uh… Kim. She gave me some… uh… [unintelligible] She talked to you about exercising, veggies and whatnot. But, yeah, I’m gonna be- gonna [pause] be working- yeah I’m gonna be working on that. I’m- I’m serious.
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Oh, well Chris I-I-I don’t know if you’ve really ris- If you’ve really realized the gravity of your situation. I mean, when you told me you were on cholesterol medicine at your age… I mean just- just wow! I-I mean that’s not good. [pause] Like do you realize how serious it is if you’re put on that at your age?
 '''Chris:''' I was [unintelligible]
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] I mean you have a really horrible life expectancy. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. I saw it as a precaution…
 '''Kacey:''' No! A doctor would not let you go on that as just a precaution, because those drugs can actually hurt you if you don’t need them. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. I didn’t… let’s see. Okay. Well… Alright, well, maybe I’ll-I’ll-I can get off the Lipitor and see how I… uh… how I go from there.
 '''Kacey:''' No, no. I mean if you’re on it, you’re probably on it for a reason, Chris. I mean your doctor wouldn’t give it to you unless you really needed it. And, I mean, getting off it would only hurt you. The point is that you need to get to a point where you don’t need it, if you can even do that. I mean, if you’re already on it, you may not be able to reverse that. [pause] I mean that this is like… you’re really close to… you know, going into a hospital or something. I mean, that’s scary.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah, it is scary… Hmm. It is scary.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, but I don’t-I don’t think you realize it. Okay, did you suggest getting on these pills to the doctor or did the doctor suggest you getting on them?
 '''Chris:''' Uh… Alright, let me think back to that day, that day. That was like… I don’t know, that was like about a year-about months to a year ago. Something like that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, months to a year ago is a long… big difference. Big difference.
 '''Chris:''' I mean when I-when I started on that and then I talked to my doctor… Hmm… Yeah, I was just… uh, okay, yeah. He was encouraging me for exercise and I was doing that and not eat so much high cholesterol-type foods and I have not been eating that much, so that… By the way…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Chris, you do eat high-cholesterol foods! Everything you told me has high cholesterol. And sodium. Sodium plays a part in it too. I mean, that’s all you eat.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but it’s also, she mentioned, sometimes I’ve been getting up at-by twelve o’clock and I eat like two meals in a day.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, you only eat two meals a day or you eat two meals at once? Cause I’m pretty sure your portion is horrible too.
 '''Chris:''' Two meals in one day.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s- that’s bad. You’re supposed to have, like, five little meals. That’s gonna kill your metabolism too. I mean, that’s one of the problems I have is that I don’t eat enough. Um, but the problem is that, if you eat two meals a day, those meals are able to do the amount of calories you need, that’s just bad.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. I see. Hmm, that’s a lot for me to think about.
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Okay, okay, like with portions do you actually know how much a portion of meat is?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, a portion… I do not.
 '''Kacey:''' It’s about as big as a deck of cards. You should- [Chris interrupts: “Oh.”] -probably be eating about three to eight ounces.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, okay. Three oun- three to eight- three to eight ounces of meat in a day?
 '''Kacey:''' No, no, no. For a portion.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, for proportion… per portion in a day? I mean, I’m just trying to make sure I understand this here. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Um, Chris. Are you there?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I’m here.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, okay. Never mind. I can hear you now. Sorry, my phone’s being weird. It’s like on a delay.
 '''Chris:''' Oh.
 '''Kacey:''' But, no, no. Like, a deck of cards, that’s about the size of… Well, you know, that’s just an example. You can look these things up. You know, the internet’s a great tool for that.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But, I mean, you know… Okay, what would you say you eat the most? Like, what food group would you say you eat the most?
 '''Chris:''' I would say that I would eat vegetables the most.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, h-how are you going to eat vegetables the most if what you tell me is that your diet mostly consists of Hungry Man dinners and McDonald’s and Wendy’s?
 '''Chris:''' Well, firstly, I have not eaten a Hungry Man in like… over a month. I can honestly say that. I can also say that…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Okay, what vegetables have you eaten this week?
 '''Chris:''' I have eaten lettuce and tomato and carrots…
 '''Kacey:''' You do know that lettuce has almost no nutritional value, right? You should be eating field grains or romaine lettuce.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I’m sorry. What was that? Uh, something about…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Lettuce has no- yeah- lettuce has no nutritional value. If you’re going to eat it, it’s just roughage. If you’re going to eat it, you should eat mixed field greens or romaine lettuce.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, mixed field greens. That’s what you said. Mixed field greens. Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, so basically, what you’re saying is you just eat some salads that are just thrown together. Y-you do know that that’s not necessarily healthy, right? Cause even vegetables and fruits in excess can be bad for you, because they have carbs and sugar.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. [pause] I see. I did not realize that. Oh, by the way I didn’t- by the way I was checking my email- I check my email twice a day and I did not receive the email with the… uh… links to the [unintelligible] with the recipes and all the stuff we talked about last night.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well, I-I’ll resend them. I guess my email’s having problems. Um, I’ll look into that.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But-But still, I mean, you know everything needs to be in moderation. Even things you think are healthy. Okay, tell me what you ate today. W-We’ll just start with that. What have you eaten today?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, well, I ate two side-salads from Burger King and I had a grilled chicken sandwich.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, so you’re still eating unhealthy.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I’m still eating unhealthy?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes, okay. You ate at Burger King. Right there, that should be your red flag. Nothing they have, even their salads, are healthy. Nothing. The healthiest thing they can give you is water.
 '''Chris:''' I have drank plenty of water today. I drank, like, five glasses so far.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s not even enough [skip] you should be drinking in a day.
 '''Chris:''' I know, I should be drinking, like, eight eight-ounce glasses or equivalent. [pause] I was drinking from a sixteen-ounce bottle and I refilled it about…
 '''Kacey:''' Is the water very cold?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it’s cold water. We keep- we- we… uh… keep- have, like, bottles of water put in the fridge. My mom prefers the bottled water over the tap water.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, cause- when you drink bottled water you should always make sure it’s really cold, because even though it doesn’t help a lot, it helps a little, but your body has to warm up after you drink it and it does help with some calories. Not a lot though, but you should keep hydrated.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. That’s good then. Yeah, that’s good. But, anyway, yeah, our- the water I’ve drank today, it’s been cold.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, that’s good. That’s good. But, I mean, so all you’ve had today is a salad and a chicken sandwich? That’s it?
 '''Chris:''' And water, yes.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, yeah. That’s okay. Um, you need to get a better eating plan. I mean, I do too. So I mean, I’m right there with you, but of course I don’t eat fast food either. But, you really… I mean, okay. Is the reason you eat at Burger King because it’s convenient?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, that and my parents, my mom and dad, are pretty much going there more often.
 '''Kacey:''' Why don’t you guys have fresh food in the house?
 '''Chris:''' We have food in the house, but yeah, our house is such a mess. It’s been a mess for a long time, ever since I had to take furniture out of the living room to put up into the kitchen, just like I put up a Christmas tree. That was pretty much the beginning of all that. And then I had…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay Chris, your house can’t be so bad that you can’t have food in your fridge.
 '''Chris:''' I mean, yeah, we do have food in- we have, like- we have three refrigerators. Two downstairs, one upstairs and they all have food- and they all have food in them.
 '''Kacey:''' Why do you have three refrigerators?
 '''Chris:''' I don’t know why my mom and dad needed two refrigerators downstairs, but we got another one upstairs.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. Well, okay. Okay then. Um, what- okay. Then is you have food in those fridges, why don’t you guys cook. Why don’t you guys make dinner? I mean, or even, you know…
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my father- my father does most of the home cooking, really at this point. Uh, and…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well what types of things does he cook? Like, what’s the last time he… What did he make the last time he cooked?
 '''Chris:''' He makes a- he makes a- he makes some pretty good soups… and stews. Sometimes pasta.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' You know you’re wel- you know you’re welcome to call him at any time on the home phone and talk to him- introduce yourself to him and talk to him any time you want to.
 '''Kacey:''' I thought you told me to wait, like you didn’t want me to talk to him yet.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, wait. Yeah, that’s right. I did tell you to wait. Yeah, wait ‘til maybe around Thursday or Friday. Yeah, cause last week I told you about that. Almost a week ago, now.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. Well, you just remind me that and we’ll go from there.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But, um. But, yeah, your eating habits really need some reform. I mean, has your doctor talked to you about your life expectancy?
 '''Chris:''' Uhhhhh… my doc- I cannot…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Do you even know what a life expectancy is?
 '''Chris:''' I-I do have an understanding of what life expendancy is. It’s a rough estimate of how once- long a person’s going to live.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, I’m impressed. Um… but have they talked to you about that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my doctor has not talk- has not talked to me about my life expendancy.
 '''Kacey:''' Mmkay.
 '''Chris:''' So, I have no idea about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well… um… Okay, what… Since you mentioned I talked to Kim… um… yeah, I talked to her, cause like, one of the things I first noticed is the way you carry yourself, and it looks like you’re putting a lot of weight on your joints, especially your elbows and your knees, and that could be bad. Like… um… like, are you stretching them. Uh, cause you need to for your ligaments.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I do stretch. I stretch my arms out and they…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, what type- what type of stretches do you do?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, basic stretches, you know. Yeah, like knee-bends, I’ve done those. I’ve done- I do those. And arm stretches. Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, I mean, are you doing any kinds of resistance stretches, like putting your palm against a wall and stretching your arms straight out and then pushing?
 '''Chris:''' Wait. Putting my arm against my ball?
 '''Kacey:''' A wall, Chris! A wall! [laughs]
 '''Chris:''' Oh! Oh, oh. You mean like you’re pushing something. Uh, no, I have not thought about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, cause I mean, the stretching that you’re probably thinking of are not stretches you need to do. Like, when you stretch, you need to have some sort of resistance, so you can feel a stretch, and that lets you know that you are exercising your ligaments and that they’re gonna stay healthy, because that’s your bone to bone and that’s what you need to have.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Like, if you can’t feel that stretch, that- that’s not good. I mean, maybe you should get, like, a gym membership. Like, your doctor can help you fill out some paperwork for a discount.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm… my doctor can help me get a discount at a gym membership?
 '''Kacey:''' If you medically need it, your doctor can help you with a lot of things.
 '''Chris:''' Aren’t you… Yeah, I-I-I’ll definitely bring that up with Dr. McGovern when- the next time I talk to him.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright, that’s good.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' But, I mean, like, the way you carry your arms just shows that you have a limited range of motion and that worries me, cause you know, I want you to be healthy.
 '''Chris:''' Carry my arms around?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I-I’ll have to show you sometime. The way you hold them, it’s like… I-I’d have to just show you. But, it shows that you have a limited range of motion and… um… you could probably… um… do fairly well with a lot of better stretching.
 '''Chris:''' Um… I think I was…
 '''Kacey:''' Like, like, you can just put your arms in a praying position, so you have your palms to your palms, and hold your arms… um… across from you and that’s actually a great way to stretch, and it helps your elbow and your wrist.
 '''Chris:''' Huh. I keep my praying hands vertical while my arms are horizontal?
 '''Kacey:''' Um… no, no. You just wanna… you wanna put your hands together like you’re praying in front of you, and…
 '''Chris:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Kacey:''' …you wanna keep your arms straight, so that… um… they’re just going right out in front of you. Like y-you want them to be perpendicular to your body. You want… okay?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, yeah. I can visualize that. Yeah, I under- I’m- I’m understanding you.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. But, yeah. You could totally benefit from that, cause you know, I want you to be healthy. Um… yeah. So we definitely have to find a time where we can go jogging, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, sure. Next time… uh… next time you get the chance to, you know, come visit, yeah. I’d be happy to go jogging with you.
 '''Kacey:''' That would be awesome. We should totally do it.
 '''Chris:''' Alright.
 '''Kacey:''' A nice, five-mile jog, right? We gotta get those… uh… beats-per-minute up.
 '''Chris:''' Waitaminute waitaminute. Five miles?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah! Five miles is really easy. That’s like, beginner stuff. Well, if you want, we can do 2.5 miles, but, you know, that’s really beginning stuff. If you can’t do that... you need… that-that’s not good. At all.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. It’s just that, you know, five miles, yeah, that does sound like a exaggeration in my head at this point.
 '''Kacey:''' I-It’s only five miles. It’s not like I’m asking you to run a marathon. And it’s not like we’d be sprinting, we’d just be, like, doing nice, easy… jogging. Just…
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. And Kim suggested that I get a sports bra, because you know… I just know that, you know… if I’m gonna start jogging, I’m gonna feel… I’m gonna feel my manboobs bounce.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, this is why you’re doing it, to get rid of them. I mean, just where a jacket on top or an extra shirt. There should be no problem. I mean, as long as you… I mean… no one’s gonna care, really. [laughs] I mean, who do you think goes out jogging? People who need to lose weight. You’re not gonna be the only one.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. Would you recommend I where a sports bra? Because, Kim’s recommending me- recommending at this point.
 '''Kacey:''' They-they make… Okay, yes. You should.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, if you are really that worried, those will keep them down and you probably should go out and get one soon.
 '''Chris:''' Uh… I’m sorry. What was that last statement?
 '''Kacey:''' Y-you should go out and get one soon if you want, cause I mean, if you’re really worried about five miles, then you should go practice without me.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' And then that way, when I’m there, you can be ready.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, yeah. Um, let me ask you though… uh… when I go shopping for a sports bra… I’m going to get my tugboat later this week so, I’ll probably like… uh… do you recommend I go to [skip] Wal-Mart or a store at the mall or, w-what questions do you recommend I ask for when I go shopping for a sports bra, when I’m being assisted? Like… you know… because… you know…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you don’t need to be assisted. I mean, it’s pretty self-explanatory. Most of them are in Small, Medium, Large, and Extra-Large sizes, so you just get one that fits. Or you could go to, like, a Sports Authority or some type of sports store and they have them. But, I mean, t-the sizes aren’t complicated. It’s not like a real bra-size. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. I can see that, yeah. [pause] Mmm… [makes clock-like ticking sound?] Alright. Okay. Well, let me ask you from your point of view… I mean, you’ve seen me in person. Umm… Would you say I’m like- would you say I’m like a Medium, Large, or Extra-Large, cause I’m no- I can tell you… I’m pretty sure I’m not a small.
 '''Kacey:''' Umm… Well, grab the Large and the Extra-Large and try them both on and just see whichever one fits.
 '''Chris:''' Ah, okay. So, your saying I’m- I’m pretty much a Large at best. [chuckles] Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, i-if… What I’m saying is: if you’re really trying to also get into, like, a sports bra or something, they’re gonna be designed for women, unless you can find the ones that are designed for men. I mean, there are gym things for that, that are designed for men, but you’d have to go to, like, a sports store or something. So, I-I mean, just… I’d always try a bigger size first, cause it’s easier to go down than it is to go up. So… uh… [Chris chuckles again] Try… You have a Dick’s Sporting Goods near you, right? Try there.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, oaky. I’ll try there.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, what- okay. Like, the shirts you wore when you met me, what sizes are those?
 '''Chris:''' Umm…
 '''Kacey:''' Like, what size is your striped shirt?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah. I think that- I think that was… oh, wait a minute. I have it right in front of me. My favorite striped shirt. Um… um… Yeah, I see the L. I… uh… think it’s an XL though, because it seems like the X is worn out. Yeah, so… uh… that- that’s an XL right there.
 '''Kacey:''' Y-you say it’s an Extra-Large. Cause, I mean, it seemed a bit… uh… snug on you last time I saw you, so um…
 '''Chris:''' Hmm…
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe, you’re, like, a two-X or a three-X.
 '''Chris:''' [groans] That sounds like a- [groans again]
 '''Kacey:''' T-there’s- That’s not bad. I mean, it really isn’t. But, I mean…
 '''Chris:'' I mean, it just- it just sounds- it just sounds bad. I don’t know. Uh…
 '''Kacey:''' No it doesn’t. I mean, you can’t let those things have power over you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. Yeah. I shouldn’t let ‘em have power over me. Umm… Hang on a second. I’m wearing a- I’m currently wearing a bit looser fitting than…
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. Yeah, let’s see the size.
 '''Chris:''' [grunts while taking shirt off] Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. This one says XL.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well- well then I-I would start there. I would start with Extra-Larges.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Are they making a Double-XL and a Triple-XL sports bra?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes!
 '''Chris:''' Wow.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I mean… you know… girls have… breasts, you know. [chuckles] I mean, even if a girl is really skinny, but she has… they’re large, she’s not gonna fit into a small. I mean, come on, Chris.
 '''Chris:''' [loud, high-pitched laughter] Yeah, you’re right! You’re right. It’s just- I’m sorry. It just caught me off guard cause I’m a guy. And then… I don’t know… If I were, like, a bigger guy. Heh. Yeah, they were originally meant for owmen, but then guys caught on. Yeah. Okay. [little laugh] Yeah, I’m cool.
 '''Kacey:''' Alright.
 '''Chris:''' Okay.
 '''Kacey:''' So… um… anything on your mind besides that?
 '''Chris:''' Um… yeah, okay. I could say a little bit… Okay, I talked to my father today about, like you know, writing up the list of questions he was gonna suggest for going to see Soc-[trips over words] see Social Security people about the job and the housing and all that.
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris:''' But, he was like: “Oh no,we’re…” uh… “Oh no, I’m planning to go- on going down there with you tomorrow afternoon.” So… yeah…
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe your father doesn’t have any faith in you. Maybe he thinks you’re gonna mess it up, but you know what, you should tell him: “Look, Dad, I know you want everything to go well, but it’s gonna look better on me if I do this.” Like, if he wants to take you, that’s fine. Like, if he wants to drive. But, they’re not gonna take you seriously if you have your father there, because they’re gonna be like: “Why are you even bothering?”
 '''Chris:''' Yeah... I think I… uh… I might be underselling myself a little bit anyway, but… um… Yeah, I wouldn’t even be sure… I’m not… I just don’t feel like, you know… E-even with the bas- even with the basic questions that we have talked about before, I feel like, you know, they could be more questions that are, like, more appropriate. And plus, my father has proven himself to be… uh… proven himself to be more… m-more of… uh… you know, definitely going down to getting the nitty-gritty of the details and…
 '''Kacey:''' But still, if you let him talk all the time and not you, they’re gonna think he’s doing this for money. They’re not gonna take you seriously. They’re gonna think you’re trying to abuse the system. And you don’t want that, do you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, I do not want that. Uh, [mumbles incoherently] I-I can do most of the talking. Cause it’s mostly- It’s mo- It’s my thing. I can do most of the talking.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, they’re gonna be talking to you. They’re not even gonna want to talk to your father. Your father has nothing to do with it. You’re twenty-seven. I mean if they’re gonna ta- If they’re talking to him and not you, then they totally see you as absolutely disabled, and there’s no point in doing it anyway. They’re gonna want to talk to you. They’re not… They’re gonna be asking you questions. They’re not gonna talk to him. The most they would talk to him about is if he’s your caregiver.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] And you want to be more able-bodied than that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I do. I do want to be more able-bodied than that. [pause] I do.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s good. That’s a good attitude to have.
 '''Chris:''' Mmmmm… yeah. So, anyway, I’m goin’ down- I’m goin’ down there… You know, I guess my father will be down there for support. Yeah, I’ll do most of the talking and… I’ll try to ask as many- I’ll ask as many questions as I can think of…
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris:''' You know, try to keep him just in the background or just, like, you know… I don’t know… a piece of decoration? [laughs]
 '''Kacey:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' I-I don’t know. It’s just… just being a… I said- I said “decoration.”
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' You know. A-Anyway, you know, I’ll do- I’ll do most of the talking. I’ll ask as many questions as I can think of, and if I run short on questions, then I’m pretty sure that… uh… he’ll fill up the void. I mean, you give me- you have given me- you and Kim have both given me plenty of information, so it’s like, you know, so I can at least have a start of what I’m look- of what I’m looking for to find more information of like the work ticket or the… uh… trial period.
 '''Kacey:''' Right.
 '''Chris:''' And then…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] And remember: you can get an extended trial period, so don’t let them sell you short.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, extended trial period. Okay, and then about… uh… them vouching for my housing benefits- Oh, by the way, I- my mom told me further about the… uh… financial aid situation back in the beginning of my Piedmont days.
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it’s like… yeah, we… they have… uh… there actually was a point in that, even during the stress… they actually tried… tried applying for the… we actually tried applying for the financial aid, but it was like, you know, we had more money… it was like, we had more money back then and we just did not qualify. We had more money then than we do nowadays.
 '''Kacey:''' But, it goes off of income, so were they working?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, they were… my mom was working over at First North American National Bank back then. Then she retired a few years later.
 '''Kacey:''' Your mom had to be working a lot for you to not even get student loans. I can’t see a reason you wouldn’t qualify, unless there was something wrong with the taxes or something like they weren’t being done correctly.
 '''Chris:''' Well… yeah, there might… yep, probably, but I don’t know… I was… I was…
 '''Kacey:''' Probably? I hope not. That’s tax fraud. You can get in so much trouble for that.
 '''Chris:''' I don’t know all… I don’t claim to know all the information, I’m just… right now, I’m just going along with…
 '''Kacey:''' That’s really weird though, because even if you couldn’t get financial aid, you should have been able to get student loans.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm.
 '''Kacey:''' Like, the government ones. You should have at least gotten something.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah, but… yeah, I think it’s just between the financial aid forms… student loans… yeah, we’ve…
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe your parents just didn’t want to do them and that’s why they told you that. Cause that’s really strange, cause I mean… it… your mom would have had to be making sooooo so much money for you not to qualify. 
 '''Chris:''' [sighs] Well, I don’t know all the details. That was like over… that was about nine years ag… nine years ago. So, yeah, I can’t remember… I don’t remember all those details. They just kinda like, flew by, cause I was still in the mist of confusion , still recovering from a bad… from a bad graduation… and uhh… and the whole going to college, getting… starting getting used to that. It was stre- It was- those were stressful times.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean… that’s adulthood. W-what did you think being an adult was gonna be? I-it’s never gonna get better.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, and plus… a-also, I was eighteen.
 '''Kacey:''' Yep. T-that would be an adult.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean… yeah. You know, there are some… there are some places where it’s like, you know, they feel like fifteen, you’re an adult then. Some places say that.
 '''Kacey:''' No. No. Where is that? [chuckles]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I’m-I’m just…
 '''Kacey:''' In America, that’s not true. [chuckles]
 '''Chris:''' I mean-I mean, when I turned twenty-one, I definitely felt more like an adult, after I turned twenty-one, than I- than I did when I was eighteen, at any time.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, just because you are an adult, doesn’t mean you feel like one. We’ve… discussed this before. But, seriously: where-where are people of age at sixteen? Where did you hear that from?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yeah. I was looking up… a while back I was looking up, like you know, “age of consent” and…
 '''Kacey:''' Age of consent is not an adult thing, Chris!
 '''Chris:''' Well…
 '''Kacey:''' You’re still not an adult with age of consent. Age of consent is bullshit. If you’re under eighteen, people who are older than eighteen have no right to be with you or touching you or anything like that. You’re not mature enough.
 '''Chris:''' [chuckles]
 '''Kacey:''' Why were you looking up “age of consent?”
 '''Chris:''' I don’t know. I was just making sure that… I-I don’t remember… ahh… Let me think. Let me think… mmm…
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, that’s wrong! You…
 '''Chris:''' [mutters incoherently]
 '''Kacey:''' You weren’t… eighteen and trying to date a sixteen-year-old, were you?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no. I mean… but also, like, you know, in some states they don’t even say anything that’s like a few- a year or two over that… that would be the legal age of consent for that state. But, yeah, it was eighteen for Virginia and that’s what I wanted to learn anyway.
 '''Kacey:''' So, since you think it’s okay, would you date a sixteen-year-old?
 '''Chris:''' No. I would not date a sixteen-year-old.
 '''Kacey:''' Then why were you looking up these laws?
 '''Chris:''' I was looking up just for the state of Virginia and then I just happened to see all the other states along with it.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean… even right now, an eighteen-year-old would be too young for you.
 '''Chris:''' At this point, yeah. An eighteen-year-old would be too young for me. I agree with you. [pause] I mean- I mean, I was- I was also in my early days when… I think this was like… yeah… looking that up, that was a few years ago, like… mid-sweetheart search at this point.
 '''Kacey:''' Wait, so-so you were considering a- you know, someone’s “age-of-consent.” Chris, that’s… that’s pedophilia.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I was never considering sixteen, I swear, hand to God.
 '''Kacey:''' Then why would you even be looking it up?
 '''Chris:'' I was just… I was… I was just looking it up for Virginia, making sure eighteen was the age of consent.
 '''Kacey:''' Eighteen is when you’re an adult. Age of consent has nothing to do with being an adult, like I said. Well, look, look. Like, how young would you go right now? What is [Chris sighs in the background] your ideal girlfriend a-age range?
 '''Chris:''' Right now, my youngest right now- the youngest I would date would be twenty-one.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s six years apart. Don’t you think that’s… I mean, I guess it could be worse, but don’t you want someone more… your speed?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I don’t know what I want. I’m still a virgin. I’m still learning.
 '''Kacey:''' Dating does not equal sex. Just cause you’re a virgin doesn’t mean you can’t think of who you want to date. Are you serious? Do you think dating means you get to have sex?
 '''Chris:''' Eventually. I’ve heard the- I’ve heard the rule of thumb though is, you know, like, after date number three, then…
 '''Kacey:''' WHAT?! What?!
 '''Chris:''' [unintelligible]…heard it on television.
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] You think, because a girl goes out with you three times she should have sex with you, like she’s obligated to? That’s… what… no-oo-oo! [breaks into laughter] If somebody did that to me, I’d smack them, and I’d call them a pervert. You have sex when you’re emotionally ready. That’s horrible. No, get that out of your head.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I’ll get that out of my head, but I’m just sayin’, that’s what I learned from television.
 '''Kacey:''' You could have relationships and never have sex. You know that, right? Besides, you shouldn’t have sex until you know that… you could… I-I mean, you’ve gotta be sure about that person.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah,I know. I’ve understoo- I understood that part.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, don’t you wanna love someone first?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I do.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, where’d you get that from, like, TV or something?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I told- yeah, I told ya… yeah, television. I’ve heard a lot of it from television, movies, whatever. That sort of thing.
 '''Kacey:''' Like, which shows? Which television shows?
 '''Chris:''' [noticeably frustrated] I… I don’t remember. I don’t remember. It was like- it was like comedies- you know, com-comedies or something like that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, cause that should tell you: it’s a comedy. Comedies aren’t real. They’re meant to be funny an ironic. I-I can’t believe you thought that. So… ugh… Chris, what… no! [small chuckles] That-that’s just disrespectful to girls too. I mean… they don’t owe you anything, just cause you went on a date with them. You’re supposed to be there because you enjoy the pleasure of their company, and because you like them. Not because you think on the third date you’re gonna get some. Do you think about that? Do you… think about me like that?
 '''Chris:''' No. I do not think of you like that. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' [sighs]
 '''Chris:''' I mean, you definitely are genuine, you are sweet. I definitely would like to… b-be with you m-more often. But, it’s like, you know, I would not ask you unless you- unless you felt ready to.
 '''Kacey:''' Still… Chris… you’re lying to me. You just told me that, it’s the third date and then… bam.
 '''Chris:''' Eh, no. It was an idea. It was just a theory, and you know, theories are…
 '''Kacey:''' That’s not a theory! [breaks into laughter] That’s a horrible theory!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it is a horrible theory.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean- I mean- but, you need to stop equating relationships with sex. Sex is sex. Relationships are… not. You can have sex without a relationship. You can have a relationship without sex. But, I mean, I really wouldn’t recommend the one-night-stand, sex-without-relationship thing, but, I mean… most people wait, like, a long time. Like, months time, or until they get married. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Waiting. Yeah. You know what- you know, these things bring up to my mind… you know… the fact that I’ve waited… I’ve been… it’s been like… over… it’s been, like, over six years now that I started the sweetheart search and, you know, even though…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Well, you shouldn’t search for it, cause you know, when you’re not looking for things, things happen to fall into your lap like that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeach, but the point is though, I waited a loooooooooooooooooooooooong time.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you know that God wants you to wait until you’re married? I mean, do you ever think about that? I mean, I think girls would find that admirable, if you were gonna wait ‘til marriage.
 '''Chris:''' [sighs] Yeah, but it hurts.
 '''Kacey:''' I-I-I… why would it hurt? I mean, you can have a relationship and companionship without sex. You don’t need sex. Sex is not going to make you feel better. If you are looking for sex to fill an emotional hole in yourself, you’re gonna be sorely disappointed. I-it’s just gonna make you feel worse.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm… [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, if all you want is that physical rush, just do it yourself.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah… I’ve done it to... I-I’ve actually done it to myself so many… so many times, even with a… even with a hunk of… even with an inflatable, plastic wom…wom…
 '''Kacey:''' Woah, woah, woah! T-M-I! T-M-I!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay. Yeah, but anyway, I’ve done it so much, it’s like, you know… I can’t even feel that much of a rush from it, doing it to myself like that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, maybe that… is… part of your sexual drive. I mean, you should feel pleasure from it.
 '''Chris:''' I did for a long time and then… I don’t know. It’s like, you know, my body got used to it.
 '''Kacey:''' So you feel nothing now?
 '''Chris:''' No, I- No, I do- I do feel it, like you know, when I’m near a woman, I definitely feel it then. And sometimes…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] “Near a woman?” I thought you were a virgin.
 '''Chris:''' [clearly frustrated] I am a virgin! I’ve never had sex!
 '''Kacey:''' Okay then, what-what do you mean by “near a woman?” I mean, obviously, I don’t think you mean you do that near… a woman.
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no. I meant- I meant- [stutters “I meant” several more times] Oh, oh crap! [yelling] I don’t even know what I’m talking about anymore! [exhales]
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, just calm down. I mean, don’t raise your voiced at me. [chuckles] We should be adults and be able to have a civil conversation about this.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean… I gave you respect though. I moved the phone away from my head when I shouted.
 '''Kacey:''' I appreciate it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but I’m just sayin’, I just felt- I just felt under pressure. And considering the social anxi- considering the socialness and…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I thought you were comfortable with me.
 '''Chris:''' I am comfortable with you, but I’m just sayin’, like you know during a long time where I didn’t- where it was just me and I was just lurching toward a woman[?] or any woman who was willing to give…
 '''Kacey:''' I think maybe you’re holding that to a standard that you’re never gonna be able to accomplish, like… I think that you’re holding it to a standard to where, if you actually get it, you’re going to be disappointed. I-I mean, y-you need to lower the bar a little bit. I mean, maybe you need some friends. Maybe you just need to get out there more. Maybe join a singles’ group or something.
 '''Chris:''' I-I’m not even sure if- I’m not even sure if that would be good for me, or waitaminute… Maybe I messed up. I don’t know. [pause] I feel confused.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you know, being confused is nothing to be ashamed of.
 '''Chris:''' [sighs] Yeah, stress and confusion are a bad combination.
 '''Kacey:''' I guess, but you need to be able to keep them in check and to get through them. That’s part of being an adult is pushing through everything, cause you’re gonna be stressed , you’re gonna be confused. It’s gonna happen, but what’s gonna matter is what you do to push through that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' But, I mean yeah, like sex isn’t going… to… solve all your problems. It’s just not. It’s not gonna make everything magically better. In fact, sex opens so many doors, it can cause problems, especially emotional problems. I mean, cause then you’re… that’s as involved as you can get with somebody and if you’re not ready for it, it’s going to cause a lot of shit. Like, don’t you think I wish I had waited now? I mean, look at everything that’s happened to me. I wish I waited.
 '''Chris:''' Well, you know, I’ve heard… uh… I’ve heard in places where… you know, if you… I’m sure if you talk to your church- your pastor at your church… uh… I think there’s…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Chris. Chris. I know you’re talking about Born Again Virgins. That’s a load of bullshit. That’s- that’s trendy teen shit that they do to make you feel better, but it doesn’t erase the fact that you’ve done it. I’m sorry. You’re gonna have to keep that between you and God. But, I mean, just because…
 '''Chris:''' Okay, it’s just, I heard that on television is all. I remember hearing it on an episode of King of the Hill. I’m just throwing it out there.
 '''Kacey:''' Once again, Chris, that’s a comedy a TV… you can’t… they were fun of it. They were making fun of people who think Born Again Virgins really makes them pure. No. You still did it. That’s still your mistake and you’re gonna have those emotional scars all your life… or the memories, even. I mean… it doesn’t… make you… anything. You’re still you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, if you’re not having fun, even, you know, doing it yourself, maybe sex isn’t for you right now. Maybe you just need companionship. I think you’re confusing sex with companionship.
 '''Chris:''' Ugh… so many things I’m confusing. You know, [unintelligible]I used to confuse Michael Jordan with Michael Jackson.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, that’s weird, but I don’t know what that has to do with this situation. You shouldn’t keep changing the subject like that.
 '''Chris:''' I know. I’m just saying, you know, talking about confusion. I’m just saying, I’ve confused things before.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' Confused people before.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, but that’s a little… that’s a little different than this. This is confusing… um… terms and… ideas, like… I-I don’t know. Just- I think what you need is companionship and friends. I mean, your putting sex on this pedestal and people who do that get sorely disappointed. And, I mean, what happens if you do it and then you- you regret it? Y-you should definitely wait until you find someone that you know. That you absolutely know. And it’s not gonna be on the third date. [pause]
 '''Chris:''' [pause] Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you’ve even said it’s not fun. I mean, maybe deep down, what you want isn’t sexual-type fun, just, you know, being with other people.
 '''Chris:''' Uh… let me rewind- let me rewind on that topic. Um… actually, lately I have rea- I have been actually been able to enjoy it… you know, masturbation. I’ve actually been able to enjoy it, because you know, I’ve actually had a girl to put in my head… in my head to fantasize doin’ that with. For a long time I have been doin’ it, you know, where I did not have a woman to fantasize that with. And then eventu- and then eventually that wind out to be no fun. And then… and actually, you know… uh… yeah. Then-then I start talking to girls on the internet. And then, you know, from the pictures they sent me, that starts to get a little more fun and then they wind out. Then I got no fun and it was like a yo-yo thing.
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe that’s your body’s way of saying that you’re just being lustful, and that that’s why it stops being fun, because there’s no emotional… there’s nothing emotional about it. Like, sex should just be physical. It should be emotional and physical.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but I actually did feel emotions for those girls… b-before they left me or I found out they were trolls.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I-I can’t help you with that. You’ve gotta be more careful with that. But, I mean…
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I’ve learned from- I’ve learned from my past. I’ve learned from my mistakes.
 '''Kacey:''' But, I mean- I mean, if I guess you do it now, if you have someone you think of now, are you emotionally attached to that person?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, I can honestly say I do feel emotionally attached.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay. [pause] Well, maybe you should concentrate on being that person’s… friend… and, you know, getting to know them.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you can’t just go straight to that. I mean, I happy it’s working out for you. That’s good. That’s a good sign. But, it shouldn’t be all about that.
 '''Chris:''' I understand, and I will con- and I will continue to think about… yeah. Maintaining friendship, and then let it all come.
 '''Kacey:''' But, what happens if it never comes?
 '''Chris:''' Then I guess it just doesn’t. I mean, it just- that depends upon… uh… my friend, who’s been like an angel to me feels at that time. [pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I mean- I mean, that’s it, but I mean, you’ve gotta be prepared. I mean… I don’t know. Just, you know. Just, this isn’t the way to go about it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I-I hear you. [pause] I hear you and I appreciate it- I appreciate it all.
 '''Kacey:''' [chuckles] You’re welcome.
 '''Chris:''' The guidance.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I just want what’s best for you.
 '''Chris:''' Thank you.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you’re a great friend and I hope nothing changes.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm… hmm… yeah, thank you. You have been like an angel to me.
 '''Kacey:''' Um… okay. Uh… cool. [chuckles] Um…
 '''Chris:''' I mean, your guidance and all, it’s just like, you know, yeah. It’s like that[ what a guardian angel would… g-guide you through.
 '''Kacey:''' Well- well, that’s gonna be my job. I’m gonna be a nurse. I’m gonna be helping people. So, you know, that’s just what I do. I would do it for anyone.
 '''Chris:''' [dejected] That’s good. Mmm…
 '''Kacey:''' Well, anyway, it’s getting late, and I have school, so… um… why don’t I let you go, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, you’ll send me the email with the links to all the recipes and all that?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I’ll try to redo it. If not, I‘ll do it after school tomorrow.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Uh… talk to you later… Kacey.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, talk to you later, Chris. Bye!
 '''Chris:''' Bye-bye.

 '''[CALL ENDS]'''

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?6280mhqu5pftazu mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 6]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 8]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 6

2011-03-14T02:10:43Z

Liquid!:

31 [[August 2009]]

*[[Chris]] got some calls from a [[troll]] pretending to be from [[GameFAQs|gamefaqs.com]] (Chris pronounces "GameFAQs" as if "faqs" is a word).
*Chris thinks he defeated a troll by calling him back and telling him to shut the fuck up.
*Chris's parents drop him off at the [[mall]] so he can draw [[comics]] while they go use their senior discount at Ihop.
*If Chris went to Ihop with his parents it would "mess things up" because they're using their senior discount to buy Chris sandwiches.
*Chris wrote a list of nice discussion topics because he doesn't want [[Kacey]] to yell at him again.
*First topic: ''Hannah Montanna''. Kacey says it's for 12 year old girls, Chris thinks it's pretty good and wants to buy it on Blu-Ray.
*Second topic: Chris's [[college]] days. His first good memory is the time a hypnotist came and included Chris in his act.
*First the hypnotist wanted Chris to insult him, so Chris called him [[Random-access humor|"Uncle Screwy Louie"]]. He still thinks it's funny.
*Then the hypnotist said "when you open your eyes you'll see everyone naked". Chris didn't really see anyone naked, but he played along as smiled at the ladies.
*Another good college memory is when he was included in a quiz show game. Chris didn't make it very far, but at least he tried.
*Chris was in touch with his "girl crush" [[Kellie Andes]] for a while after graduation; recently he found out she's married with two children.
*Chris could tell by looking a prom picture of her that she was already taken by [[JERK|some guy]], when he saw that it put him into [[Stress|shock]] for a while.
*Chris made a few friends and acquaintances at [[PVCC]], "but they kinda came and gone", especially after he got kicked out of English class. He "became shy" after that.
*Chris talks about a teacher, or as Chris calls him "[[CADD Chef|this one black guy]]" at PVCC, and how upon first being there he "had bad vibes about him". He picked almost as many arguments as his father! Chris says the teacher would constantly [[Kick the Autistic|put him down and what-not]], with mean insults like "That's not right, do it over bla bla bla"... Kacey points out that's not putting him down, that's teaching. Chris did not like his tone of voice. "The way he carried on and such. He talked more calmly to the other students, I actually observed."
*Chris was happy to graduate from PVCC, because "It felt more like a Hellhole than Heaven". Chris was sad to graduate from [[High School]], because he didn't receive any awards.
*He's still whining about not getting any awards; he got a star pin but "that's SMALL in comparison to other awards". Kacey tells him to stop being childish and grow the fuck up; Chris ignores her and whines more.
*Chris watched ''Labyrinth'' because it's Kacey's favorite movie. Kacey talks about David Bowie's [[Pickle|"bulge"]]; Chris gets uncomfortable and tries to change the subject because he is STRAIGHT.
*Chris "tried reading" ''[[Harry Potter]]'' but couldn't get into it. Also competition with [[Pokemon]] or whatever.
*Chris suddenly tard rages because a troll keeps calling him. He doesn't understand why he keeps calling after Chris told him to stop.
*Kacey asks what books Chris has read recently. He of course says Pamela Anderson's ''Star'', then admits he hasn't read anything else. Kacey tells him he should read ''Catch 22''. Chris thinks a "Catch 22" is a kind of "sexual touch".
*The only books Chris owns are [[R.L. Stine|''Goosebumps'' and ''Fear Street'']].
*He also read ''The Giver'', so he spends like five minutes recounting what happens in that book.
*Chris tries claiming that he has multiple personalities, Kacey tells him he's full of shit.
*'''Chris says he JUST NOW changed over to his other personality, so now he's [[Christopher]] instead of Christian. He is serious.'''
*"Christopher" says he only caught some of the conversation and doesn't know what's going on.
*Kacey tells him he might have a brain tumor.
*Christopher gives up and says he just switched back to Christian.
*Christian says "Christopher" came out recently while he was playing ''[[Guitar Hero]]''. He thinks there is a difference between his two personalities' voices.
*Chris says he'll talk to his doctor about this serious problem.
*Kacey isn't taking his stupidity seriously, so Chris suddenly backtracks and says he just made up this multiple personality shit to mess with the trolls.
*Chris stopped taking some of his meds and now he feels more confident.
*Chris has been taking Lipitor for the last 2 years to keep his cholesterol down. He's like "It was optional, but I thought it was a good idea".
*Chris says he mostly eats grilled chicken sandwiches from [[McDonald's]]. He thinks this is healthy. He also only eats Hungry Man dinners "once or twice" a month, mostly he eats Healthy Choice frozen dinners.
*Chris says he walks about an hour a day around the neighborhood, and thinks this is "strenuous".
*Kacey thinks Chris is going to die.

==Transcript==
'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey Chris, it's Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' Hi Kace, how are you?
 '''Kacey:''' I'm okay, just a little tired from work, how are you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm okay, I'm a little too tired from uh, being trolled.
 '''Kacey:''' Aw.
 '''Chris:''' I keep answering incoming calls from the trolls. Uh, especially, uh, to- Especially, uh, you know, incoming calls from the one... troll who pretended to be an employee over at GAME FACKS ''[sic]'' dot com- You know, G-A-M-E F-A-Qs, uh... Anyway, uh... They say- Anyway, they say it was the guy that's been ordering all the uh, free catalogues and boxes and what-not, sending 'em to my house with the stupid [[Ian Brandon Anderson]] name on the address. Uh, yeah but I'm handling that and dealing with--
 '''Kacey:''' Well you should tell them to fuck off and leave you alone. I mean...
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, what?
 '''Kacey:''' You should tell 'em to fuck off and leave you alone. They won't be expecting that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, my father- My father did tell them that. Actually, after we got home from the uh, church yesterday, he told 'em that. And they called a couple more times today and he's finally giving up.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah but you shouldn't be bothering your father with that, I mean YOU should be able to do it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well I mean--
 '''Kacey:''' You should be able to fight your own battles.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I mean- I mean, he's been calling the house phone and my father- And my mom and dad have been ans- Have been monitoring his calls with their caller I.D. which is downstairs. In their lair only.
 '''Kacey:''' Well then they shouldn't pick up either.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah well mostly they do not pick up. Uh, anyway, also this, uh, guy... that pretends to be a legal rep from- from uh, [Sounds like "Van Dye", somebody correct this]? Van Dye or something... Yeah he's practically calling non-stop, and that's just been- That's just been bothering to me. I finally- I finally managed to to, uh- I think I finally shut him up though. Uh, yeah--
 '''Kacey:''' I think you should just keep telling them to fuck off, I think you need to take a better offensive stance on this. They're not going to expect that from you, you just need to be like... Like, just be strong.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you think I haven't tried telling 'em to uh, to back- to back the fuck off, I have done that before.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah but you really have to be a man about it, you need to really say it in a tone, you can't show them any fear, any whining or anything, you need to just WOW them.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah well anyway, I think I finally got- I finally got the Van Dye guy to shut up, I, uh, you know, I called him back and I told him to call toll-free HIS phone number, OR shut the fuck up and stop calling my cell phone number. And then I said goodbye and hung up on him.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, that's a good start.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. ''(Forced laugh)'' Yeah, so anyway, um...
 '''Kacey:''' Well if you've got their numbers you should call back and do that yourself, I mean, don't wait for them to come on your turf, you need to show them you mean business.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah...
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, they have your number anyways, it's not like it would hurt.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I should definitely be calling 'em back and telling 'em to, uh... Yeah. I will do that. Uh, but anyway--
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, shouldn't let them take control of you. You need to control THEM.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Turn the tables, you know.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I will do that. I will do that, but any- Yeah. Anyway, something else on my mind, my father and I were planning on going down to Social Security tomorrow or Wednesday, talking about what they can do for us with the, uh, job and all that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well that's good, I mean it is on the website though, so it shouldn't harm you, but maybe they'll have someone who can help you through, but remember, don't let them do everything for you, and you should probably do it tomorrow, you know... Just because, I mean why not get it done as soon as possible?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Well--
 '''Kacey:''' Get it done faster.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah--
 '''Kacey:''' That will surely show those trolls.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. You know one thing though, uh... I would do it myself but unfortunately I don't know the right questions to ask, my father is the one that has- has more knowledge about that sorta thing, so yeah. But definitely like, uh--
 '''Kacey:''' But you need to get the knowledge. So, YOU should be doing this, your dad can't do this for you, this is about you being independent.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I know, but I don't know the right questions to ask.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, they're gonna show you what you have to do, I mean the... It's common sense what questions you're gonna have to ask. Like, "How much can I make? How many hours can I do?" this is stuff you already know, you shouldn't sell yourself short.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah--
 '''Kacey:''' Or ask your dad beforehand. Don't make him do it for you, just be like-- See you don't even have to ask him, just be like "Do you have any suggestions?"
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I--
 '''Kacey:''' This is something that you need to do yourself.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I need to ask suggestions, yeah. I should probably ask him to write down the right list of questions for me. But then he'll probably- Then he'll likely insist on wanting to come and, uh- Yeah, come along anyway. And plus like, you know, yeah, my mom's just finally offered me to, uh, to uh, to drive her car today, but unfortunately I had to let her drive, yeah, she was going to IHOP, and I wanted to do some- get some drawing done at the mall while we were out, uh, cuz you know, if I'm not going to [indecipherable] family, but they would drop me off at the mall while they're at IHOP, cuz if I go with them to IHOP that will mess up their uh, senior discount deal. And then they might not be able to get me the sandwiches that I would have- The sandwich I would have that night. It's a pretty good sandwich, by the way.
 '''Kacey:''' You got a sandwich from IHOP? That's like, the International House of Pancakes.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well, my family gets like a senior discount, and uh...
 '''Kacey:''' But what does that have to do with pancakes, it's pancake house!
 '''Chris:''' ''(Laughs)'' Well, they sell sandwiches there. Heh, I mean--
 '''Kacey:''' But, you go to IHOP for pancakes...
 '''Chris:''' Heh, well I'm sure my mom and dad would have eaten pancakes themselves there, but I mean I don't know, but you know, it's their- Order pancakes at the uh, International- Over at the IHOP... ''(Uncomfortable laugh)'' I don't know... Plus, I don't know all the details of the uh, senior citizens discount, though anyway if I went with them there, uh, it would just mess things up. I mean I know we- We know, we tried it once before, and they- Yeah, it just really messed it up.
 '''Kacey:''' Messed what up?
 '''Chris:''' The senior discount deal.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh.
 '''Chris:''' I mean the people at the, uh, resturaunt place are, uh, fairly strict.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah I'm surprised they even have a senior discount deal, I mean my resturaunt doesn't.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but it's like once a week though. Only on Monday nights.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well back to the Social thing, I mean... I think you need to tell your parents that this is something you need to do, you need to face the world on your own. It'll be a great learning experience for you and you'll be with people who are there to help you. So it's not gonna hurt you or anything.
 '''Chris:''' Alright, we'll I'll- I'll talk to my father and see- See if he'll write me the correct list of questions and let me go by myself.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean plus they're gonna take you a LOT more seriously if you're coming to them yourself. They're gonna look at you with your parents and they're gonna be like, "This guy doesn't want help". They're gonna... not help you. They're going to do it resentfully.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean that's just the way the world works, unfortunately, that's the way they're gonna see it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah it's like a dog eat dog world, well you're right, I see- I see- I see it from your point of view, I get it. Hm. Anyway, I- Anyway, let me, uh- Anyway, uh... Anyway, other than that, I did come up with some nice, uh, discussion topics that you and I could talk about. You know, like a couple of days ago, but then uh... Then you brought up the maturity, telling me all that... It's like I couldn't get the, uh, conversation topics I managed to write--
 '''Kacey:''' Okay well if you have them, go ahead and bring them out, that'd be cool.
 '''Chris:''' Alright. Alright, well... Here's a good one, uh, let's talk about my feelings on Hanna Montanna, your feelings- Your, uh... We could- we could further your- Your- Destination of your feelings about her. And that show.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, um, well, Hanna Montanna's like a guilty pleasure for me, because you know, it's a show for like 13 year-old little teeny-boppers, and I really shouldn't be watching it.
 '''Chris:''' Heh.
 '''Kacey:''' But, I mean, it's cool, Miley Cyrus is so talented.
 '''Chris:''' Well I mean I--
 '''Kacey:''' But it's really for teeny-bopper girls.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well I mean, I've only seen like a couple of episodes of the show, yeah, but from what I recall, you know, yeah, she's- she's pretty good. But it's like you know, I mean I could get into like, you know, watching more of the show myself, I just uh, hadn't really gotten around to it, or... Just hadn't really felt like it but it's like you know, I could. I mean you know they released season one on DVD, plus they have the uh, movie on Blu-Ray, I could rent that, or... rent the season one or whatever.
 '''Kacey:''' Right.
 '''Chris:''' Uh... but anyway yeah--
 '''Kacey:''' Remember how I said I wanted to talk about more ADULT topics, and I just mean mature topics? Do you have any of those?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... Well, kind of, we could talk about college- We could talk about my college days.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, go ahead.
 '''Chris:''' You know, just uh- I mean I could reminisce a bit about uh... You know, between high school days and eventually leading on to college days. Got the rundown here (?)... Let's see...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay well tell me about college.
 '''Chris:''' Um... Yeah, okay, I only have like a couple of good memories from my college days, like uh, you know... Uh, there was this one time, where uh... This good- Where this hypnotist came in, and uh, he- And then I- And then he let me uh, get up on stage and be one of the uh, subjects. But it's like, I wasn't really hyp- I wasn't really hypnotized. But I, like, played along with it, I mean I actually knew what was going on.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay...
 '''Chris:''' And I think uh... Hang on, let me see if I can remember what happened. Um... Yeah I think at one point, uh... He wanted me to, like, insult him a little bit, when he said a cue. And it's like, uh... Yeah, it's like yeah, okay, I got it, when you say the word you'll want me to insult you, and it was like I couldn't- I tried to think of a good insult but I don't know, I just came up with like you know, just calling him "Uncle Screwey Louie". ''(Waits for Kacey to laugh)''
 '''Kacey:''' Ohh.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Laughs)'' I don't know why that- That little- He just.. Just a silly stupid name. Uncle Screwy Louie. Heh.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah. ''(Laughs politely)''
 '''Chris:''' Yeah then like you know, later he's like you know, oh, then everyb- Then he says, like you know, he says at a certain point everybody opens their eyes and then... It's like- We're supposedly like to see everybody... naked- Everybody in the audience naked, and freak out or something. It's like, uh, you know, I- I opened my eyes and I didn't really see anybody naked, I saw everybody with their clothes on. But it's like you know, I played along and I just sat there and smiled. Heh. At the ladies in the audience. ''(Laughs)'' Yeah. And then he says like you know he gave me another cue like yeah, "Chicago", then everybody- Then we all- Then we all danced. A little bit.
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris:''' And it's like I did my fill of dancing, he touched my shoulder and told me to sit down, there you go. Uh, I think that was pretty much- I think that was pretty much it as far as I can remember from that day.
 '''Kacey:''' That's cool.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, anyway, uh, anyway another- Anyway another good memory I have from the college days is like you know I participated in a quiz sh- In uh, this one time, in a quiz show event. Uh... It was like you know, one of those remote con- One of those things where they hand you a remote control and you answer the- and you answer the uh, questions while you're in a seat. And if you're amongst the uh, top four scorers you get to go to a- You get to go and uh, be one of the uh, buzzers on the panel to uh, win the mon- win the prize money. Try and win the prize money. Uh, obviously I did not even get up there- I did not even get the chance to get up there, but, you know, I tried anyway.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, at least you tried, that's all you can ask for.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Oh, another thing I uh, feel like I should mention, uh, remember- I think I remember telling you a little bit about my high school crush Kellie An- Kellie Andies?
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, after we graduated I was in touch with her for like about a year and a half after that, and then it's like I-- I missed calling her one weekend, and then it's like I sorta- I lost the habit. And then like a- And then like a couple of months- A couple of months, uh... earlier recent- Couple of months ago recently, I found that she had been... Excuse me. She had been married and she has like, one or two children. So...
 '''Kacey:''' Oh.
 '''Chris:''' That's good for her then, anyway. But it's like you know, uh, I, you know, after I stopped the uh, habit my mom made me- My mom told me like you know- Oh yeah I can tell from like, you know, just from looking at her like, like in... The prom... The, uh... Yeah she was obviously already taken by this- By some guy. And it's like- I was like oh my God, I was in shock for a while. I think it was like for a couple of weeks or a couple of months. Maybe- Yeah, somewhere between there.
 '''Kacey:''' ''(Not really listening)'' Oh that's cool.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but anyway, I lost touch with her and that was like a downfall. Uh, I've made a few friends and acquaintances since uh, Piedmont. But they kinda like came and gone. And it's like you know, mostly like GONE, because since, you know, after- Especially gone since after February 24th 2003, which was- that was the, uh... 21st birthday I got kicked outta the English classroom, so it's like you know, I couldn't make- I just didn't- I uh, just didn't feel like- I just didn't... I just became shy, and didn't make as many friends as I was able to beforehand. And then the uh, and then the uh, Sweetheart Search and Mary Lee Walsh, uh... Going on and all that. And then I got banned for a year and the anger management and the... I got the anger managment from the uh, psychiatrist's class, I think I told you about that. Uh, but anyway, I, um... It also- Also, I told Kim about this part, but uh... You know, during my, like my last seme- My- My last, uh, couple of semesters... Before I got my diploma, um... Instead of my teacher being this, uh- Being this nice, uh... Woman teacher I knew, uh... It was this one black guy. Just one black ''[indecipherable, probably something racist]''... But he was just like uh, you know, upon first meeting him, I- [[Chris and race|I had bad vibes about him]]. And... And yeah, I was right- I was right with that cuz you know, he- He and I just never saw eye to eye. And he picked more arguments, almost as much as my father.
 '''Kacey:''' Uh, okay, so you thought this guy was like your father?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... No, no, no, I did not consider him like my father, I'm just saying that like you know, he picked about as many arguments, and pushed a nu- pushed a number of buttons, about as much as my father did. And it was- it just- it just really made me angry at him--
 '''Kacey:''' Well, what sort of arguments were they about? What were they like? I mean, a teacher shouldn't do that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, like you know, he was contradicting my work, and this was also in the uh, last--
 '''Kacey:''' Are you sure he wasn't giving you constructive criticism? He is a teacher...
 '''Chris:''' Well-- Yeah, it wasn't really constructive criticsm, it was just mostly put-downs and what-not.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well what did he say?
 '''Chris:''' He's just like, uh, "No, this is not right, do it over, bla bla bla bla bla..."
 '''Kacey:''' That's not putting you down, that's teaching!
 '''Chris:''' Uh, but still, he was- His tone of voice was really- It was like- It was full of anger! And- And I just did not- I just did not like that I-
 '''Kacey:''' Well how many times did he have to tell you that, I mean I'd be angry too if someone kept making the same mistake...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah but, you know, I'm not- '''I'm not one to repeat mistakes''', and I was like doing this... really big project in my final semester. The big plans to make- The big Computer Aided Drafting and Design plans for my Cwcville Shopping Center, two stories, all the stores and the mayor's office!
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I think he was just trying to help you. I mean, he's teaching, he wants you to pass. He doesn't want you to fail.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well I- I mean, I did finish it. Ended up getting a passing grade, but still, you know, I did not like his tone of voice! The way he carried on as such.
 '''Kacey:''' Well did you tell him that? Did you tell him that you appreciated his criticisms, but maybe he should, uh... watch his tone?
 '''Chris:''' uh, yeah, I don't remember exactly but I think I might have thanked him for his- uh, for uh, you know, being a teacher and that- and that sort of thing. Uh... Yeah I don't think I talked- I don't think I talked to him about his tone of voice.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, maybe that's just the way he talks, I mean did he talk that way to the other students?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no he was- He talked more calmly. He talked more calmly to the other students, I actually observed.
 '''Kacey:''' Well what'd you get in the class?
 '''Chris:''' I ended up getting like a... You know, a passing a grade like an A- Like an A or a B.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, an A and a B is a really big difference. And, you know, passing- The only thing that isn't passing is one failing grade, so you know... That's, well...
 '''Chris:''' Hm.
 '''Kacey:''' At least you passed the course.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I passed the course, got my degree, but anyway, when I got my diploma then at the graduation ceremony, I mean like, I was only too glad to leave that Piedmont Virgina College, cuz you know, I had no new friends- I had no new friends that I would be leaving behind. And I had the bee-yotching Mary Lee Walsh. And then the--
 '''Kacey:''' I thought that it wasn't her- I thought you apologized about that, and stuff.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, uh- This- Yeah, I mean- This was like, only a couple of months ago... And, I like- Up to two months ago...
 '''Kacey:''' Well, then you should probably stop referring to her as that. You know, let it go. Let the past go.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Annoyed grunt)'' Anyway the point was, I was only too glad get- to graduate from Piedmont, 'cause anyway, I just per- Just personally, it felt more like a Hellhole than Heaven. Felt more like Hell.
 '''Kacey:''' But... It's school, what do you expect?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Anyway but, I think a big difference though is like, you know, Manchester High School, I definitely have more... positive memories from there, like you know and I did have all my friends. And it's like you know, when I did graduate, I was just sad to leave all my friends. And the all- And all- And all- And all that. Plus, like you know, I didn't, uh, get an award for my creativity, even though I was very creative and I was like... I was highly commended- I was highly commended upon that, at- at- at that moment.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I think you've told me this before.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Ignoring/talking over her)'' But uh, I did not- I did not- I did not get an award at the end. During the award ceremony, that whole graduation mess just... Yeah. Between the award and--
 '''Kacey:''' Well remember, like I said, high school stuff really doesn't matter. Not in the real world.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Groan)'' Maybe not, but it makes you feel better about yourself, talks yourself up, from- to how you feel...
 '''Kacey:''' Why would you need that to feel good about yourself? You should feel good about yourself, period-dot-the end. You don't need an award, that's stupid. That's putting faith in material things, when you you should be putting faith in yourself.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I did, I mean, I did have faith--
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you got to graduate, you got the best reward of all.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I did- I did have faith in myself. It's just like you know, I felt like, you know, they did not see me as worthy of getting an award at that time, it's just like you know...
 '''Kacey:''' ''(Talking over him)'' You shouldn't think of it like that, maybe just, you know, other people deserved it. You can't win everything!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah it's like, as if they were telling me like, they had no faith in me.
 '''Kacey:''' That doesn't mean anything! If you said you were commended, then you were commended, just 'cause you don't get an award, doesn't mean that you're not awesome, I mean, that's childish. That really is, you shouldn't need an award, and you shouldn't feel that they have to give it to you.
 '''Chris:''' Uhh...
 '''Kacey:''' Maybe someone else really deserved it.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Annoyed stress noises)''
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you weren't the only one who didn't get an award.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I know, I was not the only one who didn't get an-- Well, actually, that's not really true, 'cause I got like... a star, for my grades. My [[Honor Roll]] grades. A star pin. But yeah- That's just- That's just like, you know... That's SMALL in comparison to these BIG awards, and I just felt like you know, oh, I'm looking forward to like--
 '''Kacey:''' I don't think it's a big award, I mean did they get money or something? If they didn't, it's not a big deal. They get a piece of paper, oh wow, it's a piece of paper that they probably don't even have anymore, it's probably lost.
 '''Chris:''' I wouldn't have- I would not have lost my piece of paper if I had gotten it.
 '''Kacey:''' I really don't think it's as important as you say it is, and you shouldn't put that much stock in it. I mean...
 '''Chris:''' Anyway, yeah... I mean I don't put- I don't put as much into it back then, as I- Uh, I don't put as much nowadays. Into that, I just you know--
 '''Kacey:''' You shouldn't hold a grudge against that, I mean you're 27. You should get over it. High school is over. It's been over.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean I--
 '''Kacey:''' You have one year until your ten year reunion, I mean it's DONE. Done deal.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry, I didn't understand the beginning of that sentence, you said something about the reunion?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I mean, that's just showing how much time has passed.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' So you should totally get over it. You don't wanna go there and, you know, talk about this, so people go, "Oh my gosh, this has been over, what are you talking about?" You wanna be adult.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah... ''(Long pause)'' But I think that if, still, if I had've gotten an award, I would've felt- I would definitely have felt more- I could've felt a lot better, and much easier, to like you know, leaving high school behind. Like cuz you know, it was definitely more about leave- Me leaving my friends behind.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, just because you get out of high school doesn't mean you shouldn't keep in touch with your friends. Just leaving high school, it should be a good thing, because you're going on to bigger and better things.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. ''(Long pause)'' Yeah. Hm, you know I actually wanna talk about an adult thing, let's just talk- like you know, uh... Uh, how do you deal- Uh, it's like you know, you have your- You have your well-thought moments to yourself, and then you think- And then you think you don't go off (?) if you appreciate the uh... older things, and uh like you know, like- like the uh, older music and the older movies that you watch. You know, you better- You better appreciate them as an adult, cuz you- Rather than as a child, because you couldn't really understand it, it's like you know, recently I watched some- Recently I re-watched some [???] Brothers, and- and- and I have a better adult understanding of the movie than I did when I watched it there a number of times since I uh, was a child or a teenager. Uhh, what are some of the things that you reminisced about, that made you feel better? Or... And you felt, more better when you viewed it as an adult.
 '''Kacey:''' I'm sorry I didn't get that, could you repeat that?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah... Some of the things that you used to, uh think about when you were a child, but then you kinda thought about as an adult and further appreciated as such. Uh, what were some of those things?
 '''Kacey:''' ''(Long pause)''
 '''Chris:''' Did you understand that? Kacey?
 '''Kacey:''' Um... Uh... Not much.
 '''Chris:''' Not much. Okay... Hm, okay, um... It's like- Okay, what was the, uh, favorite movie of yours that you watched when you were younger? When you were young.
 '''Kacey:''' Um, it's still ''Labyrinth''. I mean, ''Labyrinth'' is a pretty old movie.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, by- Yeah oh by the way I watched- Anyway I rented it and watched it last night, it is a good movie.
 '''Kacey:''' You watched it? Oh, cool!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. All the complex- All the complexities, and uh... That made it like you know, yeah I think knowledge would be [???] you know. I like the part in the beginning with the uh, maze. Like, oh yeah, you think it's a wall, but then it's actually like you know, it's actually a space between the vines that's just- It's just like a visual illusion right there.
 '''Kacey:''' So what do you think about Jareth? I mean, Jareth was my favorite.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, David Bowie played him. Yeah, he's okay--
 '''Kacey:''' Oh my gosh, I know, he coulda stolen me any day.
 '''Chris:''' He coulda stolen you any day? What, like as a little baby?
 '''Kacey:''' Well, no, obviously not, but I mean, he was... He was- Oh, that fucking [[Duck|bulge]]! Ooh.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I mean that's- I mean, the uh- Yeah. You would- You would be impressed by that, but as a guy, I'm not totally impressed with that.
 '''Kacey:''' ''(Trying not to laugh)'' Why not, it's David Bowie! Everybody loves David Bowie!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah well I'm str-- Yeah well it's like, you know, uh... I don't wanna go into that, it's just like you know, just... Yeah. But, yeah, I'm straight.
 '''Kacey:''' But still, it's not like you can't appreciate.
 '''Chris:''' But I mean it's like you know, I appreciate his- I appreciate the way he sang, and yeah, he sang pretty good. But yeah I mean, then you go reference- referencing his BULGE. And then, that's like WHOA--
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, just because you can say another man is attractive or hot, doesn't mean you're gay, like I can easily say another GIRL is hot or attractive, and appreciate her for her womanly things, and it doesn't mean that I want to have a relationship with her.
 '''Chris:''' Uhhh, yeah but anyway- Uh, from my point of view though... Uh, definitely... have not really given it much- given it all that much though, and... Ahh, I don't- At this point I just don't feel like I could... care to really change my mind otherwise.
 '''Kacey:''' Uh, okay.
 '''Chris:''' But I liked how, uh, Jen- How uh, Jennifer played her role as the, uh, girl who went through da maze. That was pretty good.
 '''Kacey:''' Uh-huh.
 '''Chris:''' And then made the- And then made the friends along the way, like uh... Yeah she had that- That yeti-like guy, I think his name was, like, Yorda or something like that?
 '''Kacey:''' Uh, close enough, heh.
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorry, what?
 '''Kacey:''' I said close enough.
 '''Chris:''' Heh, close enough, okay. Yeah I kinda liked him, and... Oh yeah, there's like... I bet- You know, he keeps- He kept calling Hoggle, "Hogwart"? That's where- I bet that's where the author of ''[[Harry Potter]]'' got that- got that word. From that movie ''Labyrinth''.
 '''Kacey:''' I don't know if that's where she got it, but... That's a good theory.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Chuckles)'' Yeah. It is a good- Yeah it is a good theory. But, a lot of things in life, you know, start off as theories until proven right or wrong. But then it's- Like you know, then it's- If I wanted to actually prove that right or wrong just from my point of view it's like, I don't know, I would uh, probably- I would probably go- would go look on Wikipedia for, uh... ''Harry Potter'' or whatshername, the author, I know it's a woman, I forget what her name is but because I didn't know I never came up with--
 '''Kacey:''' J.K. Rowling.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah that's it, J.K. Rowling, thank you. Uh, but anyway. Yeah I never cared mu- I never cared for ''Harry Potter''. No, but anyway- Uh... anyway what were we talking about- Oh yeah, proving theories, yeah I could just try looking it up on Wikipedia and see what they say on there. ''(Long pause)''
 '''Kacey:''' Uh, I don't know, I don't think she's ever admitted something like that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah okay, well then yeah she- She may or may not have actually she- She may or may not seen ''Labyrinth'', but I don't know, that's uh, one thing or another, um... Uh, but yeah, I've been still, you know, yeah, David Bowie played his role--
 '''Kacey:''' Why do you not like ''Harry Potter''? I mean, have you ever read the books? I actually enjoyed them. Like, I thought a lot better of it after I read the books.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I tried reading one of the books, but it's like I could not really get into it. And originally I did not like ''Harry Potter'' very much cuz... Harry was like, uh, in league- In competition with Pokemon. And--
 '''Kacey:''' Not it's not, it's two totally different worlds. It's way more advanced than ''Pokemon''.
 '''Chris:''' Uh... Yeah but, yeah... Yeah but, this was like- This was like years ago, I don't remember all the details, so I guess it's like, uh... I don't know, it's like you know, I'm still saying I hate- I don't like Harry Potter that much... But it's like- But it's like, I forgot the original reason why-- ''(Chris suddenly starts yelling)'' I WISH THIS STUPID INCOMING CALL WOULD-- Ugh, that Van Dye guy keeps getting- That Van Dye person there keeps calling me back, that... It's like, you know, the beeping is- The beeping of his incoming call is just interrupting... the conversation, it's like you know, at points it's like the beeps interrupt you when you're talking and it's just like, it bothers me, I wish this guy would QUIT. I mean why doesn't he get through is skull- through his fuckin' skull I mean I told him right off when I called him back, that he was like- that he was just calling toll-free-- "Call my- call your number toll-free but quit calling my number, shut the fuck up goodbye", I wish- I thought he was gonna- I thought he was gonna quit 'cause he hasn't called for like, five or ten minutes, then he starts calling again and interrupting the conversation with you!
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, he should have way more respect, I mean, obviously you weren't answering for a reason.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, what- 'Cause you know, 'cause I'm not- 'Cause I know he's a troll. And I don't- I've already established that I know that he's a troll. And I asked him to- And I asked- And I pretty much just forced- I pretty much, uh, raised my voice against him and told him to stop, but he's continuing on and on!
 '''Kacey:''' That's... That's horrible, he shouldn't do that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' You're gonna have to be more firm with him.
 '''Chris:''' ''(Stress noise)'' Yeah. It's like you know, what- It's like you know, what I was saying is just I'm not exactly sure what to say, other than what I've already said.
 '''Kacey:''' Right, well I mean, let's go back to better things. Um... If you don't like ''Harry Potter'', what books have you read recently?
 '''Chris:''' The last book I read was Pamela Anderson's ''Star''. I thought that was a good story, for what she did.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, I've never read that one.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah it's a good story, it's like, basically, she's like- It's like a book about- It's like, uh, as if she was writing her own life, but she was like renaming the characters, renaming herself Australia (?). Which is like you know, it's like--
 '''Kacey:''' That sounds crazy, I mean, I wouldn't put much stock in what Pamela Anderson does anyway, it's like when Courtney Love tried to do a manga, it's like, no thanks.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Well it's not- I mean, like you know, yeah... You know, it showed that Pamela Anderson was definitely a smart woman, it's like you know, I wanted to appreciate her as, you know--
 '''Kacey:''' I'm pretty sure she had a ghost writer. I'm pretty sure she did.
 '''Chris:''' No, it- No, I- She pretty much- I do believe she said so herself, she wrote the book herself.
 '''Kacey:''' That's all publicity.
 '''Chris:''' Anyway, still- Still, I've read the- I've read most of the book, and I- and I've enjoyed it. It's a pretty good story.
 '''Kacey:''' I know but like, celebrites never write their own books. They just don't have time. They just slap their name on it. I mean, uh, how about any other books?
 '''Chris:''' Uhhhh... Yeah, other than that- Other than ''Star'', I haven't read- I haven't read too many other books. ''(Long pause)'' Uh, it's like you know, I've either- either been watching- I've either been watching television or playing video games... Uh, other than ''Star'' I haven't read a book since I--
 '''Kacey:''' You know what you should read, you should read ''Catch-22''.
 '''Chris:''' I've heard of th- I've heard of ''Catch-22''.
 '''Kacey:''' It's a great, great book.
 '''Chris:''' I've heard that- Yeah, oh you know, that reminds me of this joke I heard Pamela Anderson- On the show Pamela Anderson starred in called ''Stacked''. And then it's like, uh... Oh shoot, how'd that joke go... Um... Yeah anyway it was a Catch-22 pun right there, but I'll have to watch that episode again to, uh, find- figure out how it goes--
 '''Kacey:''' Do you even know what a Catch-22 is?
 '''Chris:''' "A Catch-22"?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, do you even know what that is?
 '''Chris:''' Ummmm... I think it's like- I think it's like a sexual touch, or something?
 '''Kacey:''' No, that's a innuendo. Um, a Catch-22 is where you're "Damned if you do, damned if you don't".
 '''Chris:''' Ohhhh. Oh yeah, I see that now, yeah, okay. Damned if you do, damned if you don't, yeah I get it. I get it, yeah. M'kay.

{{transcription}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?mw15mcm0dx9empx mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 5]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 7]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 5

2011-03-14T02:10:22Z

Liquid!:

29 [[August 2009]]

==Highlights==

*[[Chris]] just finished getting a "stern talking-to" from Kim about getting a [[job]]; he already can't remember what she said.
*[[Kacey]] did research on how Chris can still receive the [[tugboat]] while having a job or something; he doesn't listen.
*Counselors at [[PVCC]] told Chris that they could get him a job; he didn't listen.
*Chris doesn't know what Student Financial Aid is; he promises to google it.
*Chris whines some more about being blank-minded and confused.
*Chris says he's willing to go from digital cable to basic cable.
*Chris lies about how much he spends on the [[PSN]].
*Chris compares buying game add-ons to having a magazine subscription to try and make Kacey understand it's not a big deal.
*Chris doesn't know anything about college because that happened yeeeeaars ago.
*[[CADD]] WAS HARD WORK BURNED INTO MY PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY.
*Chris took tennis and ice-skating classes in college.
*Chris took accounting and/or marketing classes first, then "years later" he found out there were not enough jobs available in that field so he switched to CADD.
*Kacey says Chris is basically wiping his ass on his CADD Degree; Chris says "that was uncalled for".
*Chris says he understands so Kacey will shut up and let him leave.

==Transcript==
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey Chris, it's Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' Hey Kacey. How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' I'm OK.
 '''Chris:''' I'm OK too. [content sigh] So um...
 '''Kacey:''' Um...
 '''Chris:''' Anything on your mind right now?
 '''Kacey:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' Is there anything on your mind right now?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, um, did you go apply for jobs like I said?
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah. I go- I wen- I uh, uh, application at Wal-Mart. I'm gonna...
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupts] That's good. Did you do it in person?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no, I filled- no, I went online and did it. Filled out for the Charlottesville store. 
 '''Kacey:''' Ok cause, um, I did some research for you. Um, about working with your disability... and actually um, this is a lot easier than I thought it would be. Like you- they can put you on a trial work period or they- and they can extend your period of eligibility like, you could be making... um... like it doesn't matter what you make during the trial work period, like you'll get both still, your uh, your tugboat and your, uh wages. And even afterwards if you're not making enough, like you can get both. It actually goes by what you make, not by how many hours you work.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm...I see.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I mean that's actually really exciting! I mean, you could be technically making more than me. Well, at least you know right now. [laughs]
 '''Chris:''' Well, I don't know. Um, I'm st- I s- still got to uh, wait to talk to uh, that guy from social security...
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupts] Chris! This is straight from the social security site! This is a great opportunity. And even IF you make too much money you can still keep your Medicaid, uh, benefits. I mean, how can you not be excited about this?
 '''Chris:''' I dunno...I got- I g- I just talked to Kim and she gave me some, uh, tough talkin' to as well ya know about uh, me getting a job and what not, uh... Also talked about uh, old schoo- also t- also talked about college days and uh, I don- I- I- I don't remember all the details but it's all- it's all ju- it's like absorbed- everything she told me is in the back of my head. It- it's tattooed in my head.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, that doesn't really... [Chris tries to interrupt] that doesn't really sound like you listen to her a lot.
 '''Chris:''' I did listen to her! I did! I did.
 '''Kacey:''' But didn't you just talk to her and you can't remember stuff?
 '''Chris:''' [sigh]
 '''Kacey:''' I mean cause you told me that Kim calls before I do.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. [pause] Hmm, but anyway uh...let me think...
 '''Kacey:''' But I mean uh- ar- are you- so I did all this research for you and... you don't even... care now?
 '''Chris:''' I do care. I do care. I appreciate it. I do.
 '''Kacey:''' Well I mean you- I don't think your really going to do anything. I- I mean...
 '''Chris:''' [interrupts] I'm- I- I- I'm doing something! My family knows I'm out to look for a job.
 '''Kacey:''' Ok so what did your family say?
 '''Chris:''' Uh...Thi- th- it- their all- their like 'Ah, well yeah you gotta find out how much your gonna earn, and how this is- how this is gonna- is gonna affect your social security, and uh, if you're going to be able to earn more than your social security'... ahh...
 '''Kacey:''' You need to make a LOT more than your social security, like you need to make... like, OK. Um... like, um, depending also on w- ya know how your uh, quote unquote disability affects you getting to work and stuff. Like they can take these expenses... um, and actually deduct it from your pay. Like so even if you're making let's say a thousand dollars a month. Um, if your disability causes you to have to do things that cost you two hundred a month, your still- they- they count those two hundred, um, against your pay so your still making- you know, even though you are making more than you should, they won't count it against you. Like you have to be making over a thousand dollars a month before their gonna even... Even then their only gonna take part of it away. Their never going to take away all of it. Like you'd have to make a LOT more to where it wouldn't even matter. I mean and even if your parents are behind you or not you're twenty seven right? I mean, you have to make your own decisions.
 '''Chris:''' [pause] Yeah, I- I do have to make my own decisions, ah. Yeah. Als- another thing that I talked to Kim about was like uh, I- I'm often confused with my li- I'm often confused about things that I actually ah, want er, need. It's been that way for so many years. I mean like...
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupts] Well don't you think its time for that to change then?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah it- I do need to ah, that's ah- that's something I do need to change.
 '''Kacey:''' But I mean you know your whole life you're going to be figuring stuff out. It's not a magical upgrade that makes you an adult I mean, I'm pretty sure like at times my parents still need to figure things out and everything. I mean we're not computers. We don't work like computers. We definitely don't.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah you're right. You are right about that. Hmm... but anyway one of my- anyway one of my problems in my mind is like ya know I... tend ta... tend, I ah, I often do get confused and uh, feel like I'm lost and it's like ya know, and I'm not- I have not been sure of exactly what my virgin (?), my sweetheart and my little daughter Crystal that I have dreamed of... And pretty much ya know all my life, every time I've been asked 'Where do you see yourself in five years?' I always draw a blank.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, maybe that's showing you that maybe you should let GO of Crystal and all that stuff. Maybe you should GO in a different direction. Maybe you're getting blanked because you not going in the direction you should be going in. You need to focus on more important things.
 '''Chris:''' And that's another thing I mean ya know, Kim could tell you more about the conversation we had but uh- she- she and I talked about but also like ya know, even during, even with, even- I have talked to my counselors in Piedmont when I was working towards my CADD degree and certificate. It's like ya know yeah sure they can help me get a job, and yadda yadda yadda... um...
 '''Kacey:''' Then why didn't you let them!
 '''Chris:''' [pause] Yeah. I- it's jus- I- I have never been really sure what I wanted to go out for. I mean... It- I- ah-[stuttering] 
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupts] Then you need to get back in school Chris! You need to do something. You're twenty seven. You're- I mean yes I know people are going to school, um older and older but, [laughs] come on! Isn't there anything you wanted to do even when you were little?
 '''Chris:''' [frustrated stuttering] I'm thinking about it! I'm mean I'm trying- I'm ah- I'm ah- [stuttering]
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupts] C'mon, this is pathetic.
 '''Chris:''' I'm sorting all this out and I'm thinking about it and I'm going to do som- I'm going to do something. It takes time for me before I can- before I actua- but I AM doing something ya know. I submitted the application for Wal-Mart and I'm going to do one for Target and I'm going to do one for Ma-Donalds...
 '''Kacey:''' Chris. Remember when I said in other cultures you wouldn't survive? I mean come on. You need to take charge. I mean, you are an adult. You're going to have to make snap judgments sometimes. I mean y- I mean isn't there anything that you wanted to do when you were younger? I mean even if it's something like making video games. You could probably do that.
 '''Chris:''' I mean that is one thing, but...I- that is one thing but...
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupts] I mean you already have some CADD stuff, you could learn how to program them and stuff.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah but unfortunately they don't teach that- those kinds of classes at like uh, Piedmont. I'm not sure if their are any colleg- there are any classes like for...
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupts] Whatever! They have stuff online you can take Chris! You have no excuse.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I know but I kinda would like...lessons on taking classes on line.
 '''Kacey:''' No, OK, there's no but! You either don't have an excuse or you do have an excuse.
 '''Chris:''' OK, fine. I don't have an excuse. But...so many options, I'm not sure- I sure wha- I'm just not sure where to begin.
 '''Kacey:''' A lot of people are. Why don't you go talk to um, I mean if you can't go to PVCC, why don't you go to someplace else that's closer? Um, or why don't you go somewhere in D.C.? I mean, it would be easy for you to get housing. [pause] Why don't you take a couple different classes and see. Or, I mean I bet you don't even research this sh- tuff. 
 '''Chris:''' [pause] I have- I did- I do rese- I do researching ya know... I've tried- I've gone on to the social security dot gov website, but I don't...
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupts] OK but I'm talking about school. Chris.
 '''Chris:''' [trying to talk over Kacey]
 '''Kacey:''' Chris! Chris! Listen to me! No! Listen to me! Do you not realize the opportunities you have? Do you not realize they will pay for your school? They will pay for your boarding? They will pay for your transportation? Do you know how much I would KILL for that going through school right now? And I'm going to have to go through med school. And you are just SITTING on your ass wasting that shit when the government will BEG you to take it! What the hell?
 '''Chris:''' I didn't even know I had those options and I'm not sure how to activate those options. I never learned.
 '''Kacey:''' Go to a school! Talk to a counselor there! Talk to an advisor there. Fill out your, F-A-F-S-A. I mean, come on. There's SO much you could just reach out for and... Ugh! I mean like you could do anything.
 '''Chris:''' AH, hold up there... S-A-S-A?
 '''Kacey:''' Your FAFSA? Come on. The financial aid application? How do you NOT know...[laugh] about... I- I-
 '''Chris:''' I- I- I do not know that. I've never even heard of that.
 '''Kacey:''' How do you not hear... are you serious? It's financial aid! You- you- you- you went to college!
 '''Chris:''' I've- I- I've heard- I've heard of financial aid but I never heard of S-A-S-A
 '''Kacey:''' You haven't heard of a FAFSA? That you've HAD to have filled one out. I mean did your parents pay for your college outright?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah they kinda did pay for my college classes.
 '''Kacey:''' [sigh] Just go to a college. Go to a financial aid office or just... Google it. It's F-A-F-S-A. And it's so easy to do online. It so is. All you need are... you know what? You wouldn't even need much of anything cause you don't pay taxes so you don't have any W-2's or anything, or W-4's, so, pfft. And you're old enough to where you're parents won't matter. So you could probably get- I mean you have no income and you're on disability, you- oh my god they would pay for everything.
 '''Chris:''' [pause] Well I will look into that. That was S-A-F-S-A?
 '''Kacey:''' F-A-F-S-A
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. OK what's the acronym stand for? That will help me understand better.
 '''Kacey:''' Are you serious?
 '''Chris:''' Ya I'm serious.
 '''Kacey:''' It's just- it's just easier if you just Google that. I promise you. It- it's gonna come up. It- it's gonna to be a dot gov site...
 '''Chris:''' OK I'll- OK I will look that up.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris. It's only five letters. [laughing] It's OK. Or just Google financial aid. That's going to be the FIRST thing that pops up on Google. I promise you.
 '''Chris:''' OK. Financial aid. I will Google that. My computers on the other room. I'll log- I will- I- I will- I promise you I will go look into that right after we- right after we finish up here. [long pause] Kacey?
 '''Kacey:''' [sigh] Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' I wa- I wa- it was just kind like, ya know I wasn't sure you were there and that you just pause for a moment. So yeah I promise you I will look- I will look...
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupts] I'm just frustrated. No.
 '''Chris:''' [pause] Well, it's not your fault that I'm a little bit re- that I'm a little bit slow sometimes.
 '''Kacey:''' I know, but I mean like this is stuff you should know. I mean this is- this is frustrating for me. Like, I can understand ignorance, but I can't stand stupidity.
 '''Chris:''' No I- No it's not stupidity- no it's not stupidity. It's just dumb. I was just dumb on the subject. I never learned that sort of thing.
 '''Kacey:''' How do you not if you go to school? OBVIOUSLY, somebody must have talked about 'Hey I got my financial aid!'. I mean I'm pretty sure you could not go to college and not even overhear somebody talk about financial aid. 
 '''Chris:''' I- I- I've overheard- Yeah I've overheard discussions of financial aid. But it's like ya know, I was like picking my classes... and... I just didn't- I just didn't- and my parents did not make a big deal about it, and I just...
 '''Kacey:''' Well it's not up to your parents! It's not up to you're parents to make a big deal about it. It's up to YOU to grab your future!

{{transcription}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?7olu50wylbwa3sw mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 4]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 6]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 4

2011-03-14T02:10:01Z

Liquid!:

28 [[August 2009]]

==Highlights==
*Chris begins the call by asking [[Kacey]] if she has an STD (!).
*Kacey received a lot of awards during her high school graduation, Chris is jealous.
*Chris suggests talking about political issues even though he has nothing to say about political issues.
*Kacey asks Chris about things she found on the [[ED]] page.
*Chris totally doesn't drink [[cum]] anymore.
*Chris totally doesn't [[shit]] himself anymore.
*Chris totally isn't gullible anymore
*Chris lies the last time he shat himself was THREE YEARS AGO.
*Chris tries to explain why he has so many fucking [[video game]] accounts.
*Chris whines that he only gets 200 out of his 800 a month, and spends 150 on video games.
*Chris was going to call someone about getting a job, "but then stress happened".
*Chris used credit cards to buy thousands of video games, parents are paying the bills.
*Chris doesn't know why he got a [[CADD]] degree, "I feel more comfortable with drawing da [[comics]] than with da buildings and da computers".
*Chris is sending printed-out [[Sonichu]] comics to Marvel, DC and Dark Horse; thinks they will hire him because he's "very popular".
*[[Mary Lee Walsh]] caused all of his problems.
*Chris is capable of surviving, cooking and doing laundry.
*Chris can't look for a job on the internet because he "doesn't know what to put into a search term"
*Kacey says Sonichu is fanfiction, Chris says it's parody
*Chris lies that he'll look for a job where he works 10 hours a week, Kacey wants him to work 20, eventually he says okay to shut her up
*Kacey tells him not to wear his [[medallion]] to the [[job]] interview and not to draw on the applications; Chris sadly agrees that he won't.
*Chris thanks Kacey for yelling at him.

==Transcript==
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hi! It's Kacey!
 '''Chris:''' Hey Kacey! How are you?
 '''Kacey:''' I'm good. Um, how are you? Um, are you doing better?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm feeling better, thank you. I was waiting for you to call me.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you just said around 11 to 11:30, so I gave you a few extra, you know, minutes just in case.
 '''Chris:''' I see. Yeah, I know, that's cool. I appreciate that. But it's like, you know. Yeah, I mean- I mean no hurry, but I mean, like, you know. I was waiting for the pleasure of talking to you.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, uh, thank you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, so uh, okay, let me go and get and my main questions I had written down in my little notebook out of the way. Um...
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, you have questions? Yeah, go ahead and ask them.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay, this is an important one. You don't have any STD's, do you?
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, why would you ask me that?! Of course I don't!
 '''Chris:''' Okay, I'm sorry, I just-
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupts]I mean, you know I've only been with one person!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I mean, I just felt like I needed to ask anyway.
 '''Kacey:''' O...okay, that's just...wow!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay, I'm sorry, I guess I wasn't up...[unintelligible]that wasn't a very good opening topic, I know, I'm sorry. It's just the first one I had on my thing here.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well I hope the rest of the questions aren't that bad!
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no, yeah well here, we'll do a 180 right here, um, yeah, let's, I think we talked about your education background a little bit, you, uh, you said you had honorable grades back in high school?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes, I was 4.0 all the way.
 '''Chris:''' Well that's good. Yeah, you got your diploma and all. Um, okay, did you, uh, ever get any, uh, awards? Um, like, you know right before graduation?
 '''Kacey:''' Um, yeah, like, um, I actually had a couple poems published, and um I actually graduated with way more credits than I needed so I got a merit certificate.
 '''Chris:''' [enthralled] You got a merit certificate?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Tell me about that, what does that do for you?
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, it just goes with your diploma, it shows that you did way more than you needed to do, so, I got that and you know and I did like over 200 hours of community service, so, I got... It's just, it's just something that you... it doesn't really do anything, I mean, awards in high school are nothing, I mean, they don't really help you ever in your life.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah, but it's like, you know the achievement, it just makes you feel better, you know, I wish I would've gotten an award for my creativity back in high school.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, I guess, but high school really doesn't do anything for you so it's not a big deal.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, it does a lot more than you, does a lot more than you think though, you know, I mean it, it's like, uh, it definitely readies you a little more for adult life, which is, uh, what you're gonna be leaving high school for.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, but I mean nobody cares, they look at college all the time, college is way bigger of a deal.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, it is a big deal, I agree with that.
 '''Kacey:''' Um, so, any other questions?
 '''Chris:''' Well, okay well yeah, we'll move onto the next one... hmm... yeah... Oh yeah, um, what's yo... uh, you drew your original Kacey in greek ink, uh, it's that like, uh, gel ink?
 '''Kacey:''' Um, yeah, it is a gel pen actually, it's just one of the pens I use for work.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, okay, you generally use a green ink pen, oh, that's... that's interesting.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I like to use different colors.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. [pause] All colors of the rainbow, right?
 '''Kacey:''' [laughs] Yeah, definitely.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, now there's my colorful gal.
 '''Kacey:''' [laughs] Well, Chris, remember, I'm just your friend.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I know, I'm just saying, you know, I'm just trying to be creati... be clever.
 '''Kacey:''' [laughs] Okay, well, um, keep going with questions.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, hmm, do you like sudoku? Doin those sudoku puzzles on the paper?
 '''Kacey:''' No, I actually don't like sudoku, I'm really big into logic puzzles but I've never gotten into Sudoku, I don't like it.
 '''Chris:''' Well that's too bad. It's more on logic(?) you know, you basically just put one through nine in the one box, and then divide compared to the other boxes, the whole big nine box...
 '''Kacey:''' Right, I know what it is, I just don't like it.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, yeah, okay, generally...
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupts] I'm more of a science person than a math person.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, kay well you know you don't need math. I mean, it's like, okay, similarly you could do like Sudoku with the layers A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I. You could do letters A-I.
 '''Kacey:''' I guess, but I mean, I just really don't like it, so if we could move on to the next question, that'd be awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Well, okay, what's your favorite board game?
 '''Kacey:''' Um, my favorite board game? Um, I haven't really played any in a long time, actually, so I mean...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, of all the board games you've played?
 '''Kacey:''' Um, well the last thing I played was Catan.
 '''Chris:''' Catan? [Kacey interjects a "Yes."] I've never heard of that one.
 '''Kacey:''' You should look it up, you should google it, it's a really awesome game.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, is that spelled with a K?
 '''Kacey:''' Uh, no, it's C-A-T-A-N.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, kay-tawn, okay.
 '''Kacey:''' Kuh-tan.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, alright... so my favorite board game yet... I got a little bit into Monopoly, but, I don't... yeah, I mean I can call that like my second favorite board game, um, I don't, I mean, I guess... and plus, I mean, I have the original Sega Genesis cartridge, and you know, every once in a while I would play that, and I would beat the computer! [He seems proud of this.]
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, okay, cool... well, um, uh go ahead and keep going with the questions.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. Alright, well here's a fun one for you you might like. Did you have a favorite toy growing up?
 '''Kacey:''' A favorite toy? Um, yeah, my Easy-Bake Oven.
 '''Chris:''' Your Easy-Bake Oven?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I loved that Easy-Bake Oven.
 '''Chris:''' Hah. Yeah, I can reali...I can recogn...I can understand that. Hah. Make the little small things with the little lightbulb, it's fun. Uh, my favorite toy is this little uh fisher-price Transformer, it was like you know my first transformer, so it's like, uh it's a little red indy racecar, that transforms into a little buddy, you actually gotta pop the guy's head in for the full transformation... [pause] so I was... yeah that's pretty much... yeah you'd have to see it to pretty much get it, but... if you look it up, I'm sure you can find pictures...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, fisher price... hmm... oh and something else, I think, I feel like I can probably make you feel comfortable with, to talk about, we can talk about some of your, uh, favorite potta-lickal issues, or we can talk about your favorite episodes of House or the office, and then uh, I'll just listen, take it all in, and learn about you more as a friend, you know?
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well, um, let's do polla-tickle... political issues, why don't you start?
 '''Chris:''' Alright...heh...why don't I start.I mean, you know more about politics than I do...uh... *pause, then frustrated sigh. TRUE STRESS :(* I'm trying anyway, I'm trying to come up with a good political topic in my head right now.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, if you can't, I mean do you have any other questions?
 '''Chris:''' I mean, I just thought, you know... Okay, what's the most recent political thing that's, you know, on your mind, now, at this point?
 '''Kacey:''' Um, probably healthcare, cause, you know, that's what I'm going to be doing.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, that's right, you're, uh, you're...[stammers] you're working towards getting your nurse degree.
 '''Kacey:''' Yup.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, um, we've talked about that a little before...hmm...yeah, let me see if I remember... yeah, I think you kind of agreed with me with I said like, yeah... not everyone can afford healthcare, it's like you know...and assist... and then yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Actually, Chris, I think you agreed with ME, because you didn't even know about reformed healthcare, you just knew about socialist healthcare.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. Yeah, that's true, I did agree with you. And then you kind of agreed with you know, when I was talking about my father and me going down to Tom Perriello's office and then he brought that up.. but yeah it was like agreeing with him about it as well, yeah and then you, we talked about it, and [something unintelligible] was agreeing too. 
 '''Kacey:''' Right... well do you have any other questions? Cause there's something on my mind that I really need to talk to you about.
 '''Chris:''' Oh! We could talk about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, um, so you know all these trolls have been bothering me right?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' So I was talking to my aunt about it, she's a nurse too, and you know she got really suspicious and, um, she googled your name, and you know, some of the things that the trolls have been saying, I think they might be true, I mean what is, you know, it's disturbing, and it's making me really uneasy especially since, you know you've said you think about me to such a degree, and I mean, it's just like... I mean, I know you've talked about the ED site before, but I mean, is a lot of that true? Like, why are you doing half those things in those videos? And, I thought you were anti-gay and you're drinking your own cum? It's gross, and it's just... it's bothering me!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, okay yeah, that is a whole bunch... that is a whole bunch of skeletons in my closet. 
 '''Kacey:''' But I mean, why would you do that? Do they make you do that?!
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no... As for the uh... yeah... I pretty much volunteered myself to be doing that, cause it was like, you know I considered it like recycling, so it's like, you know, I didn't have to lose it, and plus you know I read on the internet there was like health benefits.
 '''Kacey:''' Health benefits of what, of doing that?!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' There's no real health benefits, those are all myths, I mean it doesn't help your hair, doesn't help your nails, there's not enough protein in it. I mean, is that the whole reason you did it?
 '''Chris:''' Anyway, anyway, I've stopped... anyway, I've stopped doing that months ago.
 '''Kacey:''' Well that's GOOD, but, I mean, there's no point in doing it. I mean... I... I... I mean especially not if you were so anti-gay. I mean, it's just, I mean most people would see that and say "Wow, this guy must be at least bisexual!"
 '''Chris:''' *sigh* Yeah, okay yeah, I can definitely see it from your point of view and I understand. *sigh* Yeah, but I take it like... I learn from my mistakes, and... yeah... I've grown to the understanding and whatnot. Um, anyway, yeah, mostly like other stuff like you know the posts... and the videos, and me drawing, you know, I've drawn on my dick, and pictures of that, yeah...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay well, [Chris interjects saying "I was talking!"] Hey, no, no, let me go! Okay, another thing that really disturbed me is, apparently, you told these trolls that you, uh, that you shit yourself? I mean, what the hell Chris?
 '''Chris:''' [falsetto] Ehh, prettty much... I mean, I'm more in control of my bowel movements nowadays, and yeah, I... I do that less.
 '''Kacey:''' Well I mean... you're 27... do you just not make it to the bathroom?... or, or what?
 '''Chris:''' Uh... Yeah, I just don't make it to the...bathroom quickly enough.
 '''Kacey:''' [incredulous] Wh... how how do you not know? Your body... gives you... you know... it lets you KNOW that... something... it's like, I mean, like when was the last time it happened if you're so in control?
 '''Chris:''' Okay, the last time it happened... yeah it was like three years ago.
 '''Kacey:''' Three years ago?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Well it said that this happened recently so are these lies?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah they're, yeah they, yeah I would say they are exaggerating those. If it happened recently those are lies.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay okay but- [Chris chants 'the last time I' over and over] you've got to see that all this stuff is disturbing to me.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Yeah I can, yeah I can, I can relate to that. I can understand how you feel. Yeah. I-I would be uneasy too if I was, if I was, if I wasn't myself and I was reading that, you know, about myself or... yeah. [sighs] Most of the information they got on that ED page... [silence] it's like conned out of me, they conned out of me from pretending to be the past women I've talked to like Blanca, Vice or uh...
 '''Kacey:''' Okay buy you can't blame other people. Those people aren't near you. You can't say that they made you give them those videos. What- [Chris tries to interrupt] This is why your parents are mad at you right now!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah plus I was more gullible back then. And I'm, and [sheepish] I've been less gullible for the past few months. And now. [silence] I'm working on these things and I'm moving on from- I'm moving on and trying to put all that behind me. Plus, I've, I've got a responsible detective, uh, up in the FBI to take, to help, to help to towards the down-taking of the website and the downfall of the trolls!
 '''Kacey:''' OK, but still, Chris, I mean, Chris you need to understand this stuff is kind of disturbing, and I mean like, OK look, like I mean, like stuff you ''do'' in real life. Like, if most people touched me as much as you did, I would've gone off with them, but I mean, I'm trying to be polite because I know you have difficulties, and I mean that you, like you say "slow-in-the-mind", but I mean you've gotta understand you can't keep doing this shit.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I understand that... [pause] I understand that.
 '''Kacey:''' And besides, you keep saying that the cops don't care about things. I mean, you've really gotta let some of this stuff ''go''! I mean, I mean don't be slow-in-the-mind with that! I mean, if they don't care they're not-they're never gonna help you, and even just one lone detective isn't gonna be able to do anything.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah... [stammers] Yeah also I did go to Tom [unintelligible] about that and talk to him about that.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, what exactly is he going to do? [Talking over Chris] And I mean, like, what about your councilors at church? I mean, do they know all this? Do they know this stuff?

{{transcription}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?gnxpnop8l3ldp15 mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 3]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 5]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 3

2011-03-14T02:09:40Z

Liquid!:

In '''Kacey Call 3''', recorded a few hours after the [[Kacey Call 2|previous phone call]], a devastated Kacey confronts [[Ian]] about impersonating her boyfriend [[Liquid Chris|Chris]] over the phone.

==Part 1==
{{Deletedvideo}}
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Kacey Call 3, Pt. 1
{{#ev:youtube|Tvcpdve9o18}}
| Stardate = 4 August 2009
| Featuring = [[Solid Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = First
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}}
 '''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' [heavy sigh] I can’t believe you did that. Wha-what is wrong with you? I mean, you didn’t, you could’ve just told me something, you didn’t even have to make him look so bad. Just, what the hell?
 '''Chris:''' Kacey. I’m sorry. I was trying to spare your feelings.
 '''Kacey:''' No! No you weren’t! Why couldn’t you just tell me from the start? I mean, [sobbing] I mean what happens if he did something to me or if, what happens if YOU did something to me? You wanted me to come to YOUR house! And, wha-what were you gonna do? You think I wouldn’t know? [sigh]
 '''Chris:''' I was trying to ease you into it. I’m sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' That’s not how you ease someone into it. Just what were you going to do? Rape me? Or what were you going to do? 
 '''Chris:''' No! No! No. I was only going to show you the true face of the real man.
 '''Kacey:''' But what makes you the real man? Why the fuck would I love you? You tricked me too![sobbing] I don’t know, it’s just, I mean, just how could you? You’re just as bad as him. [sobbing]
 '''Chris:''' I know and I understand. I’m sorry.
 '''Kacey:''' No! No you’re not, cuz you’re the one that told me this shit and and… I mean you had so, so many chances, you’re just, it’s fucking me… you were playing with me, you were playing with my heart. I mean, what? So you could get laid out of it? So you could be not a virgin anymore?
 '''Chris:''' No. No. No, no, I was trying to, ah, I was trying to earn, I was trying to be your friend. I was trying to, uh…
 '''Kacey:''' How? How is that being my friend? How is that being my friend? Tricking me! I mean, you were pretending to be same person you’re trying to save me from. I mean, why would I want to be your friend, much less your girlfriend? I mean what redeeming qualities do you have that you shown me now? [sigh]
 '''Chris:''' I can’t say off the top of my head, but I would do my best
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] No! Of course you can’t, of course you can’t! You know what? Exactly! This is it exactly! You can’t, you can’t do any of the things he did for me! You can’t play the guitar, you don’t have a job, you aren’t in school, I mean how did you even… I can’t believe you fooled me. I can’t believe that I did that, because even if he tricked me I at least was trying to stay true to him. Look what you did to me. Now, not only that but you made me a cheater!
 [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah…
 '''Kacey:''' You’re. Nothing. Like. Him! How am I just supposed to, I mean you can’t even say anything! And look at what you did! Look what you did!
 '''Chris:''' I am looking at what I did. I’m looking and I have done a lot of damage.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, you think I could go from him to you? I mean, just like that? Just like “oh look, I make Sonichu,” I mean, I just… Like, you know what? Do you even know what’s right and wrong? Even if what he did was wrong he was at least there for me and, and… I just don’t fucking know anymore. Just what were you expecting?
 '''Chris:''' It’s ok…
 '''Kacey:''' Just what were you expecting me to do, just go “oh, ok”?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no, no, I was, I wasn’t expecting anything. I was gonna, I mean, I, like you know, I mean, like you know, he told everybody about 14 Branchland Court Ruckersville, VA 22968. Anybody could go to my house…
 '''Kacey:''' So that means you could be a fat impostor too? So that makes it right? Right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh it does? It does? Did you just say yes to me? Did you just say yes?
 '''Chris:''' No, no, no, no, no, no. No. No! I, I, I, I’m not even gonna, ah, I, I, ok, yeah, he was talking the address around with a lot of fake documents and a fake drivers license. If he has successfully fooled anyone into actually going to the home address they would’ve found the real me anyway then realized that he was a troll
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] It doesn’t matter, you’ve already put that info on the internet, obviously! Because I’ve went to your pages. And I went to the ED thing. I went to everything. And I mean, you put yourself out there, so you were asking for it. But does that mean that I had to be caught up in the middle? You could’ve told me. You. Could. Have. Told. Me. I mean, you could’ve saved me. But you know what? You were just as bad as him. You’re just a big fat fucking liar.
 [pause]
 '''Chris:''' I dinna, I did not have the good, as well as information from the ah, from Dan. I, ah, ah, his name tag, I think his name was Dan. I didn’t have that much information…
 '''Kacey:''' His name is Chris. His name IS Chris. [pause] God…
 '''Chris:''' I’m talking about the guy who, the guy who called him Jeff.
 '''Kacey:''' Whatever, well who cares that it’s- You didn’t have to give me those fucking e-mails. Cuz that just made him look bad too. And I don’t think he’s really doing that shit behind my back. I really, really don’t. 
 '''Chris:''' I mean, I’m not, I’m not…
 '''Kacey:''' I’ve seen him, I’ve had dinner with him, I’ve seen his car, I’ve seen his driver’s license. What the hell dude? What?
 '''Chris:''' I’m not, I’m not, I’m not putting him down for, uh, I’m not saying that he, ah, that he’s guilty of those things or anything like…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Then why would you show them to me? Why would you show me those first before you decided to tell me? You were trying to make him look bad and you know it! So, where does that put you? Where does that put you in this?
 '''Chris:''' I, Ike, I understand, this puts me in a bad position.
 '''Kacey:''' Why would you even do that? Like if you did, if you did want a chance with me, and let’s say I would come around, what… I, I can’t even speak to you! I can’t even speak to you I am so angry. [sobbing]
 '''Chris:''' I, I understand, I understand.
 '''Kacey:''' You don’t even sound like you are upset that I am crying. So what am I supposed to believe? 
 '''Chris:''' I am upset.
 '''Kacey:''' No!
 '''Chris:''' I am upset.
 '''Kacey:''' No you’re not!
 '''Chris:''' Try to remain calm.
 '''Kacey:''' No you’re not!
 '''Chris:''' I’m trying to remain calm.
 '''Kacey:''' How am I supposed to be calm? Look what you did!
 '''Chris:''' I know, I know. I, I’m very very sorry…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] You’re just disappointed that I…
 '''Chris:''' [interrupting] And I would be willing to do anything in the world to make it up to you!
 '''Kacey:''' Well then why did you invite me over first? You’re just disappointed now because I’m defiantly not coming. You, I mean, just, you had ulterior motives or else you would’ve told me something first. You fucking told me “Hey, call me. Hey, send me a picture. Hey come visit me.” The first thing you said, the first thing was “Hey come see me.” What? What the hell?
 '''Chris:''' Well, I, I assumed he was going to tell you that anyway. I, I had, I mean…
 '''Kacey:''' No! No! But you know what? Do you know… what? Rrrrgh! I mean, do you not get that even, let’s say that he is doing all these evil things to you, do you not get that trying to steal a girlfriend is wrong? Did you not get that maybe, maybe I love him? And I mean, ah, I mean you were trying to say you weren’t going to rape me but you’re like “we can go to my room and go straight to love making,” I mean when were you going to tell me? When were you going to tell me? When I came in the door? You think that I wasn’t going to freak out or something? You think I wasn’t going to notice that it, you’re not him?
 '''Chris:''' [sigh]
 '''Kacey:''' That would be embarrassing for your parents. What? Did you not even think of them? 
 '''Chris:''' I thought of a lot of things but I can’t think of everything at once. I have a mental problem, I’m not as well in the mind sometimes.
 '''Kacey:''' You know what, that’s not a good enough excuse [Chris starts to interrupt] Hey! No! You let me talk! You let me talk!
 '''Chris:''' Ok
 '''Kacey:''' No, that is not a good excuse. That is never a good excuse. You just do not freaking do that. You do not blame shit like that, you, you knew what you were doing and I know you knew what you were doing. You were being a selfish little prick.
 '''Chris:''' Ah… I thought, I’m sorry I came off that impression.
 '''Kacey:''' Well what did you think you were going to do?
 '''Chris:''' I was, I was going… I just wanted to show you the face of truth. I just wanted, I mean, ah, I mean sure I could…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] I mean I don’t think it’s much of an impression. I think you are like that.
 '''Chris:''' No. I, I’m serious!
 '''Kacey:''' You’re sad because he’s cuter
 '''Chris:''' I would not, I would not
 '''Kacey:''' He’s more talented...
 '''Chris:''' I would not, I seriously would not
 '''Kacey:''' Would you stop?
 '''Chris:''' I would not ask you do that.
 '''Kacey:''' Excuse me, excuse me. Excuse me.
 '''Chris:''' I seriously would not’ve asked you to do that.
 '''Kacey:''' You do not speak over me. Especially not after what you’ve done. Especially not after what you’ve done!
 '''Chris:''' I understand. I understand you got all the nervous tension from the stress and all this shock and everything.
 '''Kacey:''' No! No, I have nervous tension because you decided to play me. And it has, it has nothing to do with what he did now. It has with what you did. You tried to play me and you let me talk to you like that on the phone knowing that you were, I, I should’ve known. I should’ve known. You, you’re terrible! You are so terrible! What, what did you think was going to happen? That I was going to say “Thank you”? “You’re awesome”? “I love you”? You said you loved me and you not… oh my god! You’re a horrible horrible human being, if you’re even a human being.
 '''Chris:''' [interrupting] I, I’m sorry, I know that I cannot say that I love you. I know, I never, I mean, I never even wanted to say I love you but you forced me to say I loved you. A few times.
 '''Kacey:''' I didn’t force you to do anything! I didn’t force you to do anything. Remember that I thought you were MY Chris. I thought you were my Chris. So why wouldn’t he tell me that he loved me?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, you thought I was Jeff. His name is Jeff.
 '''Kacey:''' No, his name is Chris.
 '''Chris:''' …egh… take another look at his driver’s license, but, ah seriously though, I had, I mean, I was, I had to uh, let you know I was trying, I mean, I was, I mean I thought I’d give you a chance to get to know me per, on my own personal level.
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Woah, woah, woah, woah. You think I’m still going to get to know you? You, you what?
 '''Chris:''' No, no I mean…
 '''Kacey:''' What?
 '''Chris:''' Listen, if I told you right off you woulda thought then “oh, oh my god” a troll got you to his account and that he was the real Chris.
 '''Kacey:''' Well then don’t you think you should’ve done that first.
 '''Chris:''' I’ve been trying to get back my own identity that he stole from me.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, he stole your identity huh? Well maybe if you didn’t post it all over the fucking internet he wouldn’t be able to have it. You ever think of that?
 '''Chris:''' I mean, all he had, sure. All he needed was Christian Weston Chandler, the Christopher and Ricardo was not optional.
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] None of those, none of those, none of those are very, uh, exotic names. You don’t think that he couldn’t have the same name by, you know, uh, coincidence? I mean a lot of people are named Chris.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah I can understand that but still he’s not thee, I mean but I can tell you that he is not the Christian Weston Chandler if that is his real name...
 '''Kacey:''' Ok, he's not you, but you're showing me who Christian Weston Chandler is and he's just a fat fuck who doesn't care about me, who doesn't care about anyone's feelings, I mean... just, and, and what! You were getting me to spy on your own friend! You were getting me to spy on your own friend Kim! And what the hell? You were saying how she might like you or what ever. What about that what happened to, you know what, I'm talking to Kim, what happens if I tell Kim?
[pause]
 '''Kacey:''' Would you [stops short]
 '''Chris:''' [heavy sigh]
 '''Kacey:''' I don't think she's going to like that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah...
 '''Kacey:''' Cuz I know I don't.
 '''Chris:''' I can imagine, yeah, I can just imagine, yeah, she wouldn't like that at all. Even I don't like it.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, ah, she has a boyfriend too, right? What happens if her boyfriend finds out? Cuz he's going to. He is going to.
 '''Chris:''' [sigh]
 '''Kacey:''' You're just a big chuck-o-fuck!
 '''Chris:''' I have, I have had, I've had, I've had a lot of emotional traumas in my life time, in the past with women. I mean I've even lost some over the internet.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah! I wonder why, I wonder why you have. I mean, if you treat them like this... Yeah, you know what? Now wonder you
 [a lot of unintelligible arguing over each other occurs here, the most made out is Kacey saying "Don't you talk over me!"]
 '''Chris:''' They got killed! They died!
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, probably cuz they wanted to get away from you!
 '''Chris:''' No!
 '''Kacey:''' But you do not talk over me like that!
 '''Chris:''' Like Sarah Jackson died in an automobile accident. I'm serious, her sister told me that. Sarah Cassandra McKenzie slash PandaHalo died in a brush fire.
 '''Kacey:''' What? Like I, like I believe anything that you, like I can believe you. Like I can totally believe you. And you know what? You know what? It doesn't even matter, cuz you know what? I don't care. I don't care if he's not the Sonichu creator, I don't care who he is. I love him. And he's been there for me and you will never ever be him. He can at least play guitar, he can at least sing to me, he's been the one with me, you haven't. The fff, the only time I've had with you is you trying to trick me and get me in bed. What the fuck? What the fuck? You even lied to me about going to college.
 '''Chris:''' ...uh, yeah, but...
 '''Kacey:''' It must be hard to hear, cuz you don't even sound that good.
 '''Chris:''' I, I, I, uh, I understand and respect your decision. You are welcome to stay with him, but you still you had to know that, uh, still
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Oh, I'm welcome to stay with him if I get your permission? I get your permission? I get your permission to stay with my own boyfriend? Where? Where are you coming off?
 '''Chris:''' [starting to yell] No. No, I, I, I, I never, I never said that, I never meant it like that.
 '''Kacey:''' Yes you did, you just said that I was welcome to, maybe you should choose your words a little better.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, you're right. I sometimes have a bad choice, sometimes I go melt when choose my own words. I am, I mean, it's a part of my, part of the real life autism is sometimes.
 '''Kacey:''' Is this why no girl [realizes that Chris is blaming his autism] Don't you blame that, don't you blame that! Are you serious? Are you serious? Do you not know how many autistic children I've worked with? And you know, they don't do that. They don't fucking do that. You know what, I don't even think you have autism. I think you have something else. I think you have something that just makes you so... narcissistic that's just so, you're so full of yourself. I mean, that's not autism. What the hell is wrong with you?
 '''Chris:''' Actually yeah, that is a piece of autism.
 '''Kacey:''' No. No its not.
 '''Chris:''' Being socially inept.
 '''Kacey:''' And I guarantell, I can guarantee you that I know more about this shit than you. You know what, prove it. Prove it. Go ahead. Because I don't believe you. You ever ever ever want a chance with me, you need to choo- you need to prove that. [pause] Because you are not text book case.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you're right, I am not text book case. I'm uh, defiantly uh, not text book case.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I think you need to[Chris cuts her off]
 '''Chris:''' Beyond that, uh... yeah, well, I got all the papers here at the home, my father has them in the filing cabinet. It not like, its not like
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Fine then, I want to see them. I want to see them. Send them to me like you sent those pictures. Show them in a video. Right now.

==Part 2==
{{Deletedvideo}}
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Kacey Call 3, Pt. 2
{{#ev:youtube|5FDcHvESHi4}}
| Stardate = 4 August 2009
| Featuring = [[Solid Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = Finish
}}

 '''Kacey:''' Maybe I'll forgive you.
 [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I can't do it right now, because, I uh...
 '''Kacey:''' No, you're going to have to.
 '''Chris:''' My fath- My father has
 '''Kacey:''' [talking over Chris] You're going to have to or else I'm going to tell Kim. I'm going to tell Kim.
 '''Chris:''' My father, my, my father is asleep! An he hanna, [Chris stops and starts several words here, but keeps talking] and the filing cabinet is locked. And its like he has to go through every single file in the filing cabinet to find the one document.
 '''Kacey:''' Well I guess I'm not that important, now am I? And neither is Kim. I think if you could
 '''Chris:''' [interrupting] Now, now, if, IF! Ah, after he's awake I can ask him if I can see it and then if I...
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Please, you're 27, you're 27, you can't do it?
 '''Chris:''' if I can... and then, and then, and then if I, and then after I get it [Kacey stifles a laugh] I'll, I'll uh, I'll take it, I'll scan it or take a picture of it, I'm not sure I'll be able to scan it because my scanner/copier/printer is out of order.
 '''Kacey:''' You better find a way. You better find a fucking way. Cuz, you're, you're fucking smart, right? I mean, I guess, you fooled me. So... [scoffs]
 [pause]
 '''Chris:''' I'm not always so smart.
 '''Kacey:''' No, you're behavior is in excusable and has nothing to do with being smart or stupid. It has to do with being you.
 [pause]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Hmm.
 '''Kacey:''' And you know what? The best part is, you're not going to learn from this are you? You're just going to keep doing this shit to people like poor Kim, or poor Megan or any of this crap.
 [pause]
 '''Chris:''' [sigh] Actually, for your information, Kim already has a boyfriend and I respect her space very much.
 '''Kacey:''' So, so, so's that makes it better that you want me to spy on her to see if she likes you and all that stuff?
 '''Chris:''' She, n-no, she can tell you the same, she can tell you the actual kind of person she, uh, learned from me from multiple conversations.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh no, I think, I think she's going to know something different. I think she's going to know something different, cuz you're fucking disgusting me and I know you're going to disgust her. This is
 '''Chris:''' [interrupting] Actually its not, actually its not going to surprise her. She's actually pretty much figured this out on her own and we discussed this.
 '''Kacey:''' Hey, would you, would you stop insulting me? No, no, seriously, I think that you need to prove it to both of us, because you know what, I'm sick of this. I mean you want, you're going to lean on your autism so much and everything, you need to prove it. You need to fucking prove it to me, and I think you owe after what you put me through for the last couple days. I think you fucking owe me.
 [pause]
 '''Chris:''' I'll do, I'll, I'll do anything. I'll, uh, get the paper...
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] You better do it, you better do it.
 '''Chris:''' I'll get the paper, I'll take, I'll, uh, get, I'll make ends up a picture file and I'll e-mail it to you personally.
 '''Kacey:''' You better. Cuz I swear to God, you, you better not be lying to me. Cuz remember I'm not too far away. And I would be very, very happy to tell the authorities about what you did. Cuz remember, you were still doing identity theft too of him, and you were leading me on. And I mean, I, just, erg, thank God I wasn't there.
 '''Chris:''' No! He was the one that did identity theft against... Oh, OK yeah
 '''Kacey:''' Fine! Fine, whatever, I was ju-
 '''Chris:''' Ok, for the... I'm sorry, I take that back...granted, for the past few days I've been pretending to be him, but I never said- I never called myself Jeff. That's his real name though.
 '''Kacey:''' His name is not Jeff, but you know what, the thing is... all you are doing is following the Autism part, and I can tell you’ve done it before. This does not excuse any of this shit. You prove it to me tomorrow.
 '''Chris:''' You’re right…All right, I’ll prove it to you.
 '''Kacey:'''Good, because I mean, this is just ridiculous. I mean... You we- you were hacking and hacking is frowned upon. You are no better than trolls you think troll you.
 '''Chris:''' [deep sigh]Yeah, hmmm... Uh, Y-You know.. all- I
 '''Kacey:''' No, you don’t have an excuse do you, you don’t have an excuse at all.
 '''Chris:''' I'm not asking for an excuse. I was going to ask you-
 '''Kacey:''' No, you are giving me excuses.
 '''Chris:''' I was going to ask you for a fav- for a...
 '''Kacey:''' You were going to ask me for a favor?! You want me to give you a favor? after all this?
 '''Chris:''' STOP! Stop. It-It’s not THAT kind It’s not that kind of favor! Please listen.
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] I didn’t say it was that kind of favor-
 '''Chris:'''I just want you to talk to this, to this… Christian Weston Chandler in brown stripes... Or Jeff, whatever his name is. I just want you to encourage him-
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] GOD, Just shut the fuck up!
 '''Chris:''' -To fess up. He’s not the real original creator
 '''Kacey:''' [talking over Chris] It doesn’t matter! It doesn’t matter about him. Shut the fuck up!
 '''Chris:''' -To give me back my own identity
 '''Kacey:'''Shut up! Seriously, it has nothing to do with him right now. It’s between you and me.
 '''Chris:''' Yes, this is between you and me. But I’m just asking you to encourage him to reveal himself.
 '''Kacey:'''W-Who would want your identity now? Oh My God, When I tell him about this, do you think he’s going to care? Let’s say you are right, do you thinks she’s going to care anymore? You have sullied the name of Christian Weston Chandler and Sonichu. I mean, think about what you did…Forever. For-ev-er.
 '''Chris:''' [stuttering noises]
 '''Kacey:'''Is this the way you want people to remember you?
 '''Chris:''' No it's not.
 '''Kacey:''' Then why did you do it?
 '''Chris:''' I'm trying to improve myself. I've learned-
 '''Kacey:'''Well you know what? You can start by showing me those documents, that’s how you can start.
 '''Chris:''' Ok. I’ll get the documents and I’ll show them to you.
 '''Kacey:'''You better.
 '''Chris:''' I will. [pause] Again, I’m sorry, to have put you through all that.
 '''Kacey:''' [takes a deep breath]
 '''Chris:''' Take some deep breaths, stay safe…
 '''Kacey:''' You know what?
 '''Chris:''' Try to keep a happy thought.
 '''Kacey:''' Happy thought?! [chuckle] Fuck you. You’re talking to me about happy thoughts. I mean, you don’t even sound like… GOD, I just can’t do it. I can’t do it. Do it tomorrow. UHG.
 [pause]
 '''Chris:''' [sigh, then talks in a whisper] I’m sorry. [pause, sigh] I’ll talk to you later. Stay safe, take care.

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 2]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 4]]}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?5z2hjddgc2n mp3 of phonecall]
{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 2

2011-03-14T02:09:14Z

Liquid!:

'''Kacey Call 2''' took place on 4 [[August 2009]], during the time when Chris was pretending to be [[Liquid Chris]]. The call occurred the day before they were to meet up with Chris hoping that he could [[cum]] all over Kacey.

==Part 1==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Kasey Call 2, Pt. 1
{{#ev:youtube|0T0SuUdxMrE}}
| Stardate = 4 August 2009
| Featuring = [[Solid Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = First
| next = [[#Part 2|Part 2]]
}}
'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Um hi, it's Kacey.
 '''Chris:''' Hey Kace. Yeah, you uh, you saw the video I uploaded?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I, you know, I really hate this about you, but I can't stay angry at you when you do things like this. So it just made me forget everything. I, I love just love that song, it’s so heartfelt.
 '''Chris:''' [pause] Yeah, yeah, that song is one of my favorites as well, you know. Otherwise I wouldn’t’ve sung it.
 '''Kacey:''' Awwww. [pause] So um
 '''Chris:''' [speaking over Kacey] So anyways, uh…
 '''Kacey:''' You wanted me to call you?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, you know, uh, you know I read your e-mail, it was like, you know, you got angry at me, it just, made me feel a little upset at the moment.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, I mean, you were really like, I don’t know, you were just so weird earlier. And so I figured you were mad at me or something and it’s just
 '''Chris:''' [interrupting] Oh no, no no
 '''Kacey:''' I meant it, I meant it when I said if we were ever torn apart I would totally die of heart break. So, I’m sorry if I just, you know… I, I just love you so much.
 '''Chris:''' I understand. I appreciate that. [Kacey giggles] [Cannot understand what Chris is saying] Ok anyway, anyway I was just alooking at a picture of my mom and dad to send you, I’mma just send it to you right now.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, oh, OK!
 '''Chris:''' It’s nice picture of my mom and dad from uh, let’s see, I think it was from my dad, my dad’s last birthday.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, OK, awesome. So you’re sending it to my e-mail?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. It, it’s a good picture of them really.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh cool, I can’t wait.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, at least yah know what, at least you’ll know what they look like when you get here later.
 '''Kacey:''' Right! Exactly! [giggle] So, um, besides that what’s on your mind?
 '''Chris:''' [pause] Oh, what’s… on… my… you know I just… I miss you. I miss talking to you, I was waiting for you.
 '''Kacey:''' Awwww. Aw, you see, now I feel so much better. I can’t wait to come over later today. 
 '''Chris:''' I can’t wait to have you here. [Kacey giggles followed by a pause] Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' So, um, you’re still cooking me something right?
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, I got some ri-, I uh, I’m going to have some rigatoni in the oven for you.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, I thought it was risotto, but, I love rigatoni too, so that’s OK.
 '''Chris:''' Risotto. Risotto? I thought… I’m sorry, I got mixed up again. Risotto…
 '''Kacey:''' It’s OK, it’s cute, we’ll do risotto some other time. So, um, do you have any other plans for us that night?
 '''Chris:''' [pause] Hmmmm, other plans? Well we’ll hang out, well we could hang out in my room for a while you know, talk some more and then eventually we c-, we could get around to some love makin’. 
 '''Kacey:''' Ou-hoo, that sounds awesome!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' So, uh, go into detail, what’re we going to do?
 '''Chris:''' [pause] Uh… whatta we gonna do during our love makin’?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah!
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, I think I remember telling you I was going to put my dick between those guys, that thing about, uh, strapping you and then putting my dick between your breasts and just letting it out on your face,
 '''Kacey:''' Uh huh
 '''Chris:''' And then licking it off [Kacey giggles] and making out with you and exchanging it.
 '''Kacey:''' Mmmm.
 '''Chris:''' Do you remember?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah I remember, but I like hearing it from you.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, you love hearing it from me. You love my hand drawing style.
 '''Kacey:''' Uh, sure, I don’t know what that has to do with this, but…[giggles]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well you know, I draw well, I draw, I draw with my hands…
 '''Kacey:''' Uh huh…
 '''Chris:''' Pretty much uh, pretty much gives you that sensation when you uh… [pause] when I massage you and press your breasts.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, that’s awesome. So, you know, just thinking, I hate to change the subject, but, um, so how long did it take you to master your art style?
 '''Chris:''' How long did it take me? My life time.
 '''Kacey:''' Life time?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah!
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, so like you’re always improving!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah! I took, I took a lot of art classes in my life time, from uh, from primary to high school.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, so is there any other way you practice it?
 '''Chris:''' [pause] Sorry, I didn’t quite understand the question. 
 '''Kacey:''' Like, um, is there any way you do things outside art classes, like any tips you have for, um, your art, something you do to practice?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, I draw. I draw by hand. Sometime sculpt.
 '''Kacey:''' Ok. So do you draw anything else other than, uh, Sonichu?
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, I got a whole book of, uh, other art work. I created home-, I created, when I was about, back when I was playing Pokemon trading card game, this was like a long time ago, I created a whole gallery of homemade Pokemon trading cards, even homemade Yu-Gi-Oh cards. Never played them, I just created them for fun with my, with my homemade, with my own thoughts, Pokemon characters.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, that’s cool…
 '''Chris:''' And this with Sonichu, and this with Sonichu and Rosechu and even just, and even a whole bunch like looking for. You know there’s like, you know my very first homemade Pokemon card I did, uh, excuse me, my, uh, television’s playing, I gotta get it.
 '''Kacey:''' Ok, it’s cool.
 '''Chris:''' I mean, I mean I was, I mean I was in another, I was in another room but I just [unable to understand] but anyways, my first Pokemon card ever… Ok, this was, this was inspired when Nintendo Power ran an April Fool’s Joke about how to catch Luigi as a wild Pokemon.
 '''Kacey:''' Uh huh!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, you gotta catch, you gotta catch Lickitung, turn the GameBoy upside down, and then Lickitung, Lickitung turns into Luigi.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, oh! I got your picture! Um, awwwww your parents look so sweet.
 '''Chris:''' Aren’t they? Yeah…
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I mean, your dad looks just like you! How long have they been married?
 '''Chris:''' They have been married since 1980. They got married on June 7th.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh June 7th, that’s cool.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, so they’ve been married my age plus 2 years. Twenty nine.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh! Oh cool!
 [long pause]
 '''Chris:''' Oh actually, uh, actually you know uh, I guess I’ll uh, go ahead and sent it to you, but, uh, because of a favor a friend of mine, that I ah, that a friend of mine did for me earlier today, I uh…
 '''Kacey:''' Which friend?
 '''Chris:''' It was like, it was like an internet favor, you know, uh, uh…
 '''Kacey:''' Huh?
 '''Chris:''' Recovering my, recovering my pass-, recovering my password which is like impossible to do, he’s like somebody, I don’t know, like somebody got into, uh, into my YouTube account or something, but anyway…
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Oh God! Those trolls!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but anyway, anyway, I got, anyway, managed to get that back and uh, I returned the favor to the uh, to my, uh, to my gal-pal who helped me here. Which is strange.
 '''Kacey:''' Who’s that? Who’s that?
 '''Chris:''' Her name is Kate.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, oh, you mentioned her before. So, uh, how is she? What did you do for her? 
 '''Chris:''' Oh, yeah, well, you see, yeah, I’m looking up the picture of this drawing I did right now, I had to take it with my camera because my, uh, printer is uh, printer/scanner/copier is out of order.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, oh, huh, so I guess I’m not going to be in the comics anytime soon, huh? You know I would love to be!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, uh, I mean, I mean I do a whole bunch of, uh, drawings outside the, uh, co-, outside the, uh, comics.
 '''Kacey:''' Are you going to make some of me?
 '''Chris:''' [pause] Mmm, I, uh, am I gon-, am I going put you in the comics?
 '''Kacey:''' Yes please!
 '''Chris:''' I might.
 '''Kacey:''' I would love it! I mean that’s been my dream since I’ve seen them.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah. You just love to see me, you just love to see me in my, in the old red, white and blue. Just uh, being, just uh, being with you in the uh, in the, uh, comic world.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah! Yeah! It’d be awesome, just like, you know… now! [giggles]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, just like now and tomorrow!
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah! [pause] So, um, about your comics, I mean, are they going to, like, take off or anything? Liiiiiiike, you know with Dark Horse?
 '''Chris:''' Oh! Oh! Oh yeah, well, I’mma workin’ on how to get in touch with Dark Horse. I’m also thinking about DC and Marvel. I thought about, ah, Archie because, you know, they, they originally did the Sonic the Hedgehog comic book series, so I’ve into, been into, so I’ve been into them for a long time, you know. You know, because Sonic the Hedgehog is like my life time hero. Actually not really all my life long, I mean, it’s just like, you know since he came out back in 1990. Be- You know before him who my hero, who my hero was? [short short pause giving Kacey no chance to guess] The American Rabbit.
 '''Kacey:''' Who’s that?
 '''Chris:''' It was a ni-, it was a, it was a basically only d-, only a, they only released it in one movie called The Adventures of The American Rabbit. It was like, ah, it was a white rabbit named Rob, but then all he had to do to become a superhero was just run very fast and he becomes this pastry, patriotic colored rabbit with roller skates.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, um, ok…
 '''Chris:''' You can look it up!
 '''Kacey:''' Ok, I will, but I mean I thought Dark Horse already got in touch with you and they already signed you on. Maybe I got that mixed up?
 '''Chris:''' [pauses] …uh, no, I’m still waiting for Dark Horse to, uh, sort out the details with the, with me, between me and them.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, oh, ok.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, anyway, uh, anyway, uh, just getting into my e-mail again, I, I’m going to send you the uh, drawings I did for, uh, Kate.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh yeah, please, please do. So, um, how much are they offering you, like is an offer on the table?
 '''Chris:''' Uhhhh, we haven’t got, uh, we haven’t, uh, we have not gotten to the whole details yet, but I, but you know I’ll let you know.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I mean, I, I definitely want to, I’m just curious, I just don’t want you to think that’s the only reason I’m with you. I, I mean I love you.
 '''Chris:''' hmm… My heart goes out to you too very very much with LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!
 '''Kacey:''' [giggles] So, um yeah, I guess I’ll, I’ll wait for this picture, that’s going to be cool, so um, you wanna tell me more about what you’re doing with me tomorrow?
 '''Chris:''' What I’m doing while I wait for you tomorrow? Well I’m gonna be fixing up the, uh, fix the, uh, rigatoni, even though I forgot what the other word now…
 '''Kacey:''' The risotto, don’t worry about it.
 '''Chris:''' … with the rittoni, riss a roni, I’m trying anyway! [laughs] Oh my memory sometimes fails me. You know sometimes when I, sometimes when I talk, it’s like you know I have to space my words because sometimes I actually, uh, uh, sometimes I’m so tired, or whatever, my mind just spaces out and I gotta like collect my thoughts between, uh, in between sessions of words or I
 '''Kacey:''' [overlapping] Right…
 '''Chris:''' Sometimes I just, I just, I just, I just stutter, you know?
 '''Kacey:''' Uh huh.
 '''Chris:''' It’s been …
 '''Kacey:''' [trying to interrupt] “So….”
 '''Chris:''' [not stopping] going on like that for a long time ever since I put Sonichu on the internet about two thou- ‘bout two thousand four. On the original Sonichu site.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh. Oh, ok. So umm…
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, been doin’ it since about 2004, even though his birth date was, is, is original day of drawing was March 17th 2000.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, cool.
 '''Chris:''' In front of, in front of Ms. Chalifoux class room at Manchester High School in Chesterfield County.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, cool! Well, um, really quickly, um since now you have more time, today, tomorrow, whichever, um, can you record you cooking my rigatoni/risotto still? [some other voice says “Hello”] You know, cuz you couldn’t do it if I came today but, you know, please?
 '''Chris:''' Yeeeaaahhh, well, I’ll see if I, I’ll see if, I’ll see if I, I’ll see if I can deal, ok sweetheart?
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, that’s all I ask. Thanks.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I do what I can for…
 '''Kacey:''' So are you going to show me all the sights and everything too?
 '''Chris:''' I’ll show you, uh, yeah, I mean, well, you know, if you had [weird audio drop out] aww shoot, I just, I, I just sent the wrong picture by mistake. Ech…
 '''Kacey:''' Ok…
 '''Chris:''' I’m sa-, I’m a, I got a little, I got a little, I distract myself…
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, it’s just your parents again, ok. That’s ok.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah… I mean, I mean, help me out, we’re only human. We’re allowed to make our share of mistakes. That’s a song there, that’s actually called “You’re Only Human Second Wind” from Billy Joel. It’s like, it’s a classic. 
 '''Kacey:''' Well, um, do you want me to call you before, I, uh, leave for today? You know, like before I leave for you?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, call me before you make your way over here.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah!
 '''Chris:''' That would be good.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean that way I’ll be able to let you know how my car is doing and all that.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, oh, yeah, here we go…
 '''Kacey:''' So excited!
 '''Chris:''' I, I sent you the drawing. I sent you the drawing. You’re going to love it. It actually relates to like, you know the details I had left obscure, everythi- uh, evra, uh, that’s right, ever ah, ever since I started drawing the comics, like, you know, it’s like you know, defa, you know Sonichu, Rosechu,
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Oh are those Sonichu and Rosechu babies?! 
 '''Chris:''' Yeah!
 '''Kacey:''' That’s so cute!
 '''Chris:''' Sonichu and Rosechu have been married since March 17th 2006.
 '''Kacey:''' [pause] Oh, oh, that’s quite, I didn’t know about that. Um…
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well, it’s a recent detail, I’ve recently had it, like yeah, it, ub uh, it’s a fact. You didn’t think they were just living together the whole time? [Kacey “Yeah, um…] Yeah, they’re basically, they’re basically, basically
 '''Kacey:''' [interrupting] Chris, Chris? Yeah, yeah, real quick, I hate to interrupt you but you’re going to wear your beautiful brown shirt tomorrow right? Cuz I mean that’s what I’ve seen you first in, you know it just makes so… [giggles] you know…
 '''Chris:''' I’m sorry, I didn’t quite understand it, uh, am I going to be wearing my what?
 '''Kacey:''' Your brown shirt! You know…
 '''Chris:''' Oh… the brown shirt…
 '''Kacey:''' The first shirt I’ve seen you in! Our shirt!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I. Uh. I’ll put on the brown shirt.
 '''Kacey:''' [giggles] Oh…
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I’ll put on the brown shirt for you
 '''Kacey:''' So…
 '''Chris:''' …and I’ll be wearing my medallion…
 '''Kacey:''' Awesome!
 '''Chris:''' …my original medallion, in all it’s wonderful clay goodness with the Shrinky Dinks in the back and the hand writing as well.
 '''Kacey:''' WHAT? Oh Chris, you are such a kidder!

==Part 2==
{{Infobox/Audiofile
| name = Kasey Call 2, Pt. 2
{{#ev:youtube|gWh98sg8WOs}}
| Stardate = 4 August 2009
| Featuring = [[Solid Chris]]; [[Kacey]]
| Saga = [[Image:Liquid_saga.png]] [[Liquid]] Saga
| previous = [[#Part 1|Part 1]]
| next = Finish
}}

 '''Kacey:''' [laughter] Ok, so, um…
 '''Chris:''' Yep, but, any, uh, anyup, uh, anyway, as if to let you know, ummmm… just to let you know about, well ah, what I wrote in there, ah, ina, in the, in the speech balloons, alright yeah, I just, two Roseys, the one that’s purple has the shiny Rosey, her name is Christine.
 '''Kacey:''' Uh huh.
 '''Chris:''' And the one with the mirror is Cera with a C.
 '''Kacey:''' Uh huh.
 '''Chris:''' And we got, and then we got Robbie Sonee.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh yeah, that’s cool, but um, I’m going to have to go to sleep if I wanna, you know, go to school and be able to drive tomorrow and everything. So, is there anything you want to tell me? Anything at all? Cuz you know I love how there’s no secrets between us.
 '''Chris:''' Ah yes. Ok. Well, You know how I, how I contradicted the vest, I actually have a vest of my own.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh I get it, you don’t want to wear so you’re not like the impostor. No, that’s cool. 
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you know I actually got it from a Goodwill like a bunch of my clothes I’ve gotten, but I cut, but it was like ah, it was like a denim jacket so I cut off the sleeves with a pair of, ah, cocktail super sheers. 
 '''Kacey:''' That’s cool, but, uh you, you’re doing the video for me too so I’ll be able to see when I wake up, right? Cuz, um, I really gotta go to sleep soon.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, I’ll get to that.
 '''Kacey:''' If not, you know I’d love to stay on the phone with you, but you know… [giggles]
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I understand, ok, I love talking to you.
 '''Kacey:''' Ok, I love talking to you to, but wait, you have my video right? It’s coming right? 
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, video for the, uh, riga-, uh rigatoni…
 '''Kacey:''' Well that and the one about the impostor!
 '''Chris:''' Ah the, oh yeah, the one about hating the impostor.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, I am working on that.
 '''Kacey:''' Ok, well I’m going to go ahead and go to sleep because I would not miss tomorrow for the world because it’s going to be much better to see each in real life, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you’ll get to see my father and my mother.
 '''Kacey:''' I’m really more excited about seeing you. Even though I want to meet them but like I said, I’m coming for you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, but just to let you know, my mom and my father will come and greet you first so, like, you know
 '''Kacey:''' That’s so awesome.
 '''Chris:''' It’ll be a way for you to get to know him a little bit.
 '''Kacey:''' Ok, well um, I tell you this tomorrow, we can discuss it tomorrow, but I really gotta go to bed. So, um, I’ll talk to you later, love you!
 '''Chris:''' I, bye bye Kace! Take care! [kissing noise]

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=[[Kacey Phone Call]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 3]]}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?zgfmopa0zmv67wh mp3 of phonecall]
{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 1

2011-03-14T02:08:50Z

Liquid!:

{{quote|Yeah, and I'm just gonna keep [[Chris and sex|bangin']] your BREASTS OVER AND OVER AGAIN until you get the first DOSAGE of my [[comeuppance]]!... And then you know what, I'm going to lick it, I'm gonna [[Homos|lick it]] off your face, and then we're gonna share it in our tongue like tongue sharing MOMENT!|Chris, not being creepy or fucked-up whatsoever}}

In [[August 2009]], Chris ([[Ian Brandon Anderson]]) called [[Kacey]], as he attempted to pretend to be the [[CChanSonichuCWC|REAL CWC]] to get with Kacey. Hilarity and [[fail]] ensued.

Most of the call, Chris forgets he's pretending to be Liquid, but Kacey manages to play along.

==Transcript==
'''Chris:''' Hello?
 '''Kacey:''' Hey honey! Oh my god, it's so good to hear your voice again; it's me, Kacey! How are you?
 '''Chris:''' Hey Kayce! I'm good. You sound like it's goin' good. ''[Kacey overlaps: Ah, I love when you call me that!]''
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I'm so happy cuz I got to talk to you! I missed you all day today. It sucked being in school. I can't believe it's almost finals.
 '''Chris:''' Aww, yeah, I know, summer finals, right?
 '''Kacey:''' I know, I don't know why I did summer session, it's just... I don't know. You know that I'm really, ''really'' into intelligent guys; which is why I love you. And I've, you know, gotta do the same. So how's school for you? ''[Chris overlaps: Aaahhh...]''
 '''Chris:''' Oh, things have been great for me, you know, I just finished the [[Sonichu 9|dating episode]]; it is ''fantastic''.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, well that's cool, but what does that have to do with school?
 '''Chris:''' ...Uh, you know, the [[comic]]s, so I just... I felt like finishing it up, so I finished it...
 '''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' Oh, I get what you're saying! Oh, that is so cool!
 '''Chris:''' The dating education episode. It's on the [[CWCipedia]].
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, that's awesome. I'm gonna have to check it out, because, you know, that is of course what led me to you in the first place. ''[Chris overlaps: Oh, yeah.]'' But, um, what about actual school? 'Cuz I know you had classes today too!
 '''Chris:''' Ohhh, yeah... Oh, yeah, they were very tough on me, but, I felt like I take a break, finish up my comic work, and get that outta the way, y'know?
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, I get what you're saying; you're gonna do everything tomorrow, well, that... that's so cool of you, I mean, at least you're being serious about it, but you're not being ''too'' serious. So, um, when are your finals? Are they next week, too?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm, yeah, only got... I only got one to go, y'know? One more test to go, and then I'm done.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh god, you're so lucky, cuz my finals, like, they don't even start 'til next week, so... Which one's your last one again? I can't remember, I'm ''[laughs]'' sorry.
 '''Chris:''' ...I'm sorry, what was that question? I didn't quite understand it.
 '''Kacey:''' Sorry. ''[laughs]'' You know I talk fast 'cuz I'm so excited to be talking to you. Um, so-
 '''Chris:''' It's all right.
 '''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' So which one's your last final? I totally forgot.
 '''Chris:''' Which one's my last, uh, fina- my last final?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, is it the same one, you know, that same class we have together?
 '''Chris:''' Aaahhh... No, it's not, no, it's not that one... Uuhhh... I'm trying to think of the name. I'm trying to think of it... Um... Oh, yeah, it's the one where I'm doing, uh... It's the one where, uh... working with, uh, I think it's... I think I'm working in Photoshop, something like that, with the... ahh, so much going on in my head right now...
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, oh, it's your... databasing and, uh, computer graphics class!
 '''Chris:''' Yes! My computer graphics class. Yes, that's it.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, okay. God, and, I've seen some of your work since you sent it to me, and lemme just tell you, you are ''so'' frickin' amazing, like, I cannot ''wait'' to see you this weekend.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, you know my address, right? You got [[Wikipedia:MapQuest|MapQuest]] to come all the way over?
 '''Kacey:''' Oh my God, I've got a GPS system, you know that, sweetie!
 ''[Chris and Kacey both stammer a bit]''
 '''Chris:''' ''[high-pitched]'' Oh, that's right, you told me about the GPS! I totally forgot!
 '''Kacey:''' I got it for my birthday this year, remember? So, um... yeah, I've already got it plugged in, and... it's gonna be so much fun, so... do you remember our last time together, you know, our, uh, our third date? ''[giggles]''
 '''Chris:''' Ah, date number three... mmm... oh, I've been so busy with, uh, with studying for the finals. It's just that so much of the details are plaguing my mind at the moment!
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, I know. But it was so magical. I have never, ever been with someone so sensual, and just so in tune to me. I can NOT wait to see you again. So maybe you can give me a sneak preview of what you're going to do the next time I see you?
 '''Chris:''' I'm gonna rock your world, baby.
 '''Kacey:''' ''[laughing]'' Oh, Chris, you are so hot. God, I don't know how you do it. So stop teasing me, you've gotta give me more.
 '''Chris:''' It- It just comes natural to me, I guess. I got a deep sensual voice, you know. I definitely got the [[Wikipedia:Bing Crosby|Bing Crosby]] tune, baby, you know I been raised on [[music]]! My dad was a technical engineer! Got all them patents and everything!
 '''Kacey:''' Oh my God, Chris! I love it when you talk like that! God, so, you know when [[SingStar Challenge Round 2|you sang Fresh Prince]] today, you know I looove that. Oh my God, like you know that white boy rap? Oh my God. You were amazing, almost as amazing as last time I saw you.
 '''Chris:''' Aw yeah, before that, yeah. Y'know I'm into hippin'- I'm hippin' to soo many hippin' tunes right now. But you know, I like to just... uh, sometimes I like to look back, at my favorite hits and just uh, listen to them you know? Ah, you know I definitely did like [[Sonic]] Boom and Don't Say You Love Me, too bad- ah, too bad I got beaten to the punch on those. Uh yeah...
 '''Kacey:''' God, I know, I was so hoping you would do something like that. I mean, maybe you could do [[Wikipedia:N'Sync|N'Sync]] next? I love [[Wikipedia:Tearin' Up My Heart|"Tearin' Up My Heart"]]. Could you do that one for me?
 '''Chris:''' I got bears - you know what? - I got bears - I got a better song I'm planning on next one. Uh, here's a little preview. Hang on.
 '''Kacey:''' Awesome. AWESOME. Thank you! ''[giggles]''
 '''Chris:''' Hang on. Hang on. Hush-hush-hush!
 '''Kacey:''' Aww.
 '''Chris:''' ''[shouts]'' YOU GOT THE TOUCH. YOU GOT THE POWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER, YEAH!
 '''Kacey:''' Oh Chris. Your voice... well, you know what it does to me. It gets me so hot.
 '''Chris:''' Ohhhh yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' So tell me how much you like when I get hot.
 '''Chris:''' Oohhhh, I'm lovin' it.
 '''Kacey:''' What are you gonna do to me Chris? I mean, love songs are wonderful, I know you've got lots of ideas in your head.
 '''Chris:''' It'll be like the first time all over again, girl. You know I enjoyed the first time.
 '''Kacey:''' I know, just the way you looked at me-
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupting]'' I'd like ta, I'd like ta, I'm definitely gonna try to repeat the encore, repeat as best as I can, you know. You know, to the best of my memory, even though I been messin' up stuff for the finals and whatevurrr, so...
 '''Kacey:''' So did you remember what I wanted you to do next time?
 '''Chris:''' Aww... shoot.
 '''Kacey:''' Chris, how could you forget!
 '''Chris:''' Oh, you know... lemme take a guess, lemme take a guess! Uh, you want me to caress your breasts?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, that's one of them, but I wanted to do something a little more adventurous! I can't believe you forgot, you seemed so excited!
 '''Chris:''' ''[in a high-pitched whine]'' OH YEAH I'M SO EXCITED! I just can't hide it.
 '''Kacey:''' I guess I'll forgive you this time, but I totally, absolutely wanted you to tie me up and let me be at your mercy. I mean doesn't that sound awesome?
 '''Chris:''' AWW YEAH THAT DOES SOUND FUCKIN' AWESOME.
 '''Kacey:''' Ok well since I told you that you have to tell me what you're gonna do to me because come on, you know I love it when you talk dirty to me.
 '''Chris:''' Aww, talk dirty to me! Duh-duh.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, please do.
 '''Chris:''' Mmmmmmm... oh yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' Do it for me, your sweet little Kacey-kase.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah. I gonna... you just gonna love this. You uh, I'll be showin', I'll be presentin' myself to you, you'll be lovin' my dick, it's so big and all that you know, and you just, I'll be puttin' it, between your tits while you're all TIED UUUP!
 '''Kacey:''' Oh my God that sounds so good! Like, I'm like crying because it sounds so wonderful! Keep telling me more!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm just going to get that girl...
 '''Kacey:''' I'm actually starting to touch my tits right now, so keep telling me more. Keep telling me more.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, and I'm just gonna keep bangin' your BREASTS OVER AND OVER AGAIN until you get the first DOSAGE of my comeuppance!
 '''Kacey:''' Oh my God, I can't wait to lick it off. I'm gonna be so, so hot. This is the Chris I know and love. Thank you!
 '''Chris:''' And then you know what, I'm going to lick it, I'm gonna lick it off your face, and then we're gonna share it in our tongue like tongue-sharing MOMENT!
 '''Kacey:''' Oh my God, you know I love shotgunning like that. God Chris, you're even a little spicier than last time. What's gotten into you?
 '''Chris:''' ''[sings]'' VANILLA HOT HOT SPICY BABY.
 '''Kacey:''' So Chris... um, so what are you doing right now, y'know, are you uh, doing the same thing?
 '''Chris:''' ''[overlapping]'' Oh, you know... yeah, I'm just I'm... yeah, I'm getting turned on. I'm just rubbing myself thinking about it!
 '''Kacey:''' Oh my God, Chris! It's gonna be so much better when I'm really there, though. I can't wait to see you, I can't believe I'm actually going to go to your house, and be with you and it's gonna be awesome.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah. You know it, girl. You know it so well.
 '''Kacey:''' And I mean, I just can't help getting hot thinking again about all your music videos, just... oh my gosh, I remember so much better than I poss-
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupting to mangle REO Speedwagon while Kacey giggles]'' You can't fight that feeling anymore... I've forgotten what I started fighting for... it's just so much listen to the shore... and I can't fight this feeling anymore.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, well, you know I hate to spoil the mood, but I mean you're just so much better than that brown-shirted... or that shirted impostor. I mean, I love your brown shirts way more.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm...
 '''Kacey:''' Sorry, I'm getting so confused right now, because I'm just so hot right now. I'm so glad you-
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupting]'' Yeah, but you know I actually do have a red, white and blue-striped shirt ''in'' my closet.
 '''Kacey:''' You do? Why don't you wear it then? I mean, I guess that would make you too much like the impostor.
 '''Chris:''' I don't know, because you know... just been trying to separate myself from the impostor I guess, I mean red, white and blue, you know, was my original roots, I mean look at back in the early pages of my books! Red, white and blue all the way, girl!
 '''Kacey:''' ''[sighs]'' Well...
 '''Chris:''' ''[plows on]'' I just had to separate myself from the impostor somehow. And you know how I rapped the [[PaRappa contest]]? I wore an orange shirt then, girl.
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, I guess... okay, well I mean, just that impostor, I know he's really, really, really getting to you.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, he's been getting to me. Giving me... wracking at my NERVES! ''[tard rage]'' Just really turning me... urgh! Making me so angry!
 '''Kacey:''' God I know, he pisses me off too. I can't believe he's trying to be you when you're just so much sexier, hotter... ''[Chris overlapping: Yeah, yeah]'' I mean, his voice doesn't even sound like yours!
 '''Chris:''' Yeah... I mean, can you believe him? I mean he just looks so... aw shoot, what's the word I'm trying think of... oh yeah, he looks so soph-moric!
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, he does, I, I guess, I mean...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean the impostor looks like he's got to be about 13 or 15, does not have the diploma or the degrees, OR the certificate I had from the waterboy on the varsity basketball team during my freshman year!
 '''Kacey:''' Right, um... what are you talking about?
 '''Chris:''' Aw, I'm just on a roll here, you know. I'm just trying- I'm just trying to- I've been- 
 '''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' I mean, 'cause-
 '''Chris:''' One five minute note or you know... ah, he's telling me history or like um... I got my truths, you know. He's just bringing me all the counter-evidence and I've got to fight back with the real deal.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh oh, you mean when he was trying to duel you in [[Spanish]] and he showed that fake certificate with a fake [[Sonichu]] picture. Oh oh, okay, I get it, 'cause you were confusing me for a minute there, at first I thought that you were suggesting that you were the fat impostor, and you know, I was getting worried for a minute there.
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. Well, you... well, I don't know about this and that but I tell you what... you are definitely talking to the real deal, baby. You know I'm going to ROCK YOUR WORLD.
 '''Kacey:''' ''[sighs]'' Yeah, you totally, totally are. I mean, like you said, next time we're going to try the strap-ons, and I can't wait for that!
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. Let's do it after this, after this, after this one time, the first time this weekend, y'know... yeah, tie me down...
 '''Kacey:''' ''[interrupting]'' Oh right, like start out slow like that and... oh yeah, I get it, y'know... do you dominant first, then me dominant... I gotcha! ''[giggles]''
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, I know you said you couldn't wait... but I could do it for you Chris, definitely do it for you.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah. ''[voice gets high pitched]'' OH YEAH!
 '''Kacey:''' You know baby, I might skip school tomorrow and head down tomorrow, how does that sound?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. Tomorrow... hmm.
 '''Kacey:''' I mean, finals are until next week, I can skip this week if you want me to spend the whole week with you, get a little good-luck lovin', you know?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. Oh yeah, that sounds good, that sounds... yeah, that sounds very good. Mmm. So what time do you think you could be at my place?
 '''Kacey:''' Well, let's see, you're only an hour and a half away, so six p.m. maybe?
 '''Chris:''' Mmm. six p.m... mmm. Yeah, that sounds do-able. Six p.m.!
 '''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' Do-able, just like me, right?
 '''Chris:''' ''[sings]'' DO-ABLE BABY!
 '''Kacey:''' Can you cook me something for dinner, something delicious?
 '''Chris:''' Uuurgh
 '''Kacey:''' And maybe afterwards a [[guitar]] serenade? You know, cause your songs put me in the mood. That's all I want, I want a delicious dinner and a guitar serenade where you sing, you know that last song you sung me just like last time, can you please repeat it for me? Can you at least sing a little bit right now?
 '''Chris:''' ''[sighs]'' Hmmm, hang on a minute let me a minute, let me reflect in my memory here. My well audiograped memory my father entrusted me with well by teaching me so much music.
 '''Kacey:''' Of course! ''[giggles]''
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah. ''[sings]'' YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! IT'S TRUE!
 '''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]''No, no, not the one you sang for the impostor, the one you sang for me on our last date.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, I'm sorry...
 '''Kacey:''' I know, it's easy to get confused.
 '''Chris:''' ''[overlapping]''Yeah, I'm kind of a little bit confused myself, it's been a long day.
 '''Kacey:''' Aw, I know, I know. I mean, you're doing so well since, you know, considering what you're majoring in and everything.
 '''Chris:''' ...Yeah! Computer graphics and design!
 '''Kacey:''' Did you change your major? What?
 '''Chris:''' No, that's BEEN my major.
 ''[long pause]''
 '''Kacey:''' ...Okay.
 '''Chris:''' ''[overlapping]'' That's my major, computer graphics and design.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh... that's, uh, weird. But anyway, what are you gonna cook for me? You know, for the date?
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah. Hm, I could definitely whip up a, uh, pretty good stew for you.
 '''Kacey:''' Oooh, a stew, what type of stew?
 '''Chris:''' Oh you know, with the tomatoes and the vegetables and the whatnot.
 '''Kacey:''' You know, I thought you were a little more ambitious than that. I mean, stew sounds good still, but isn't that better maybe for a winter getaway?
 '''Chris:''' Hm.
 '''Kacey:''' How about you make my favorite? I told you about my favorite the other day, can you make it?
 '''Chris:''' ''[mumbling]'' Umm...your favorite..uhh...your favorite, your favorite. Uhh. Boy I wore myself out getting excited and I can't even remember too clearly.
 '''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' That was my fault, I'm so sorry! But you know, talking to you, just makes me want to, you know. ''[giggles]''
 '''Chris:''' YEAH.
 '''Kacey:''' But it's just chicken risotto, so will you be able to do that for me?
 '''Chris:''' Risotto's...
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah, maybe make a little video of you making it for me so that, uh, I can see how much love and awesomeness you're putting into it.
 '''Chris:''' Uhh..I don't know if, I don't know if I mean, to make it, to have a video up in the amount of time before you get here, but I would definitely cook you a risotto.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, awesome. So anyway, I like what you said to that impostor about him not having a [[sweetheart]], because I mean, if he had a sweetheart he really would, you know, make her a judge, don't you think? Because if you didn't make me a judge I would have been so pissed off. So I mean, what do you think about that?
 '''Chris:''' Uhh... I'm sorry, you got me confused there, could you start from the beginning and go slow please?
 '''Kacey:''' Yeah! Oh, sorry, sorry, I just got so excited talking to you. ''[giggles]''
 '''Chris:''' It's okay.
 '''Kacey:''' So, um, you know how you told the impostor? The impostor doesn't have a heartsweet on his judge's panel. Do you think that's because he doesn't have one?
 '''Chris:''' Hmm... oh yeah, that's, that's very likely but you know, I did realize that I apparently did take observation and notice, that actually one of them is a uh, is a real-life close gal-pal by the name of, uh, I think Kim Wilson?
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, he's-you think he has a girlfriend named Kim Wilson? How do you know that? You are so awesome!
 '''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, I know I'm awesome. ''[laughs]'' Yeah but yeah no, I've just been hearing news talk between, you know, here and there and the [[fanbase]], yadda yadda yadda. No, but they're just basically, they're just friends. Besides, I heard that Kim has been together with this tough dude named, uh, Logan, and they have two German shepherds.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, I love German shepherds, but, um-
 '''Chris:''' ''[interrupts]'' ARF!
 '''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' But, um, would that mean that you still like her, though? I mean-
 '''Chris:''' ''[overlapping]'' Oh no no no no..
 '''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' Er, HE likes her?
 ''[Pause]''
 '''Chris:''' Uh, uh no no no. No, they've always been friends. I mean, you know, he had to know why though because she was already taken, in order to establish like guys do, to actually be with her or not, you know.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, you know, the impostor's never gonna get anyone anyway, he's not as awesome as you. You know, I just fell for you right off the bat. I mean, he's just such a fatty and you're thin and you're hot, and your medallion is so much better.
 '''Chris:''' ...Oh yes. Nothing like the real deal.
 '''Kacey:''' And your flowing locks, I mean, come on. What's with that [[hair]]cut?
 '''Chris:''' Oh come on you know, ahh...I bet his mom probably cut his hair and uh, that's uh..I think it looks good on him actually! I like his haircut. If I, I mean you know uh, I would probably get my hair cut that way in the near future.
 '''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' You're gonna get your mom to cut your hair? Oh Chris, oh you, I get it, you're joking. You're so funny.
 '''Chris:''' Oh...I might be, but then again I might be serious, you never know.
 '''Kacey:''' Well you are full of surprises.
 '''Chris:''' ''[shouting]'' I AM FULL OF SURPRISES! ''[pause]'' I am full of surprises, woman, you know me. I am full of surprises.
 '''Kacey:''' I know you, I definitely, definitely know you. So tell me about some of these surprises. Spoil me, please.
 '''Chris:''' ''[laughs]'' Ahh, okay. Hmm, surprises surprises..yes...well, you'll have to see my [[house]], it'll definitely look so much familiar to you...if you look anywhere on the internet you'll recognize my house.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh my god, it's just gonna say you. It's just gonna say "[[Christian Weston Chandler]]", right?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I'm sorry...
 '''Kacey:''' You know, figuratively?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, the house pretty much screams Christian Weston Chandler. You know my [[car]] has a license plate that says "SONICHU" on it.
 '''Kacey:''' Does it? Wow, that's so funny because the impostor has one just like that! You would think they wouldn't let two tags be the same.
 '''Chris:''' ''[high-pitched]'' Yeah, I know!
 '''Kacey:''' Oh my god, that has got to be, like, the worst coincidence ever. I can't believe he did that to you.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I know! Yeah, you know, one thing I'm definitely going to share with you after you get here? My original hand-drawn pages. You're just gonna enjoy seeing them, the original hand-drawn, unaltered, from the computer, you will definitely see the hand-drawn resemblance.
 '''Kacey:''' Well yeah I've seen them before. But I can't wait to see...I guess you know, new ones and stuff? So um, really quick, did you get my picture that I sent you?
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, I saw it. NICE.
 '''Kacey:''' Nice? Okay. What did you think about the color shirt I was wearing?
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah... RED. The only thing that's missing is white and blue! Other than that, our shirts are patriotic. WE LOVE AMERICA! Proud to be an American. And I was born in Washington Jefferson Hospital, which is in [[Charlottesville]]...
 '''Kacey:''' So, does that picture make you horny? How horny does it make you?
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah. Turns me on.
 '''Kacey:''' How bad?
 '''Chris:''' Real bad.
 '''Kacey:''' Real bad? Like last time?
 '''Chris:''' Ohhh yes.
 '''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]''
 '''Chris:''' Like so many times in my past before, even before I met you, but there was nothing, you know, I watched my own share of pornography in my lifetime, but that's just me growing up, you know?
 '''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]''
 '''Chris:''' I was curious, I had to know!
 '''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' That's so cute! So what are you doing now?
 '''Chris:''' I'm talking to you, and enjoying this nice conversation.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh Chris, you're so awesome! So um, you remember the last time we were talking and we were talking about, you know, socialism and health care? You know, you never finished your opinion on that. Could you go ahead and expand?
 '''Chris:''' Um, socialism and health care. Umm...yeah, I definitely feel that, uh, health care would be good for, you know, the elderly and the disabled people and, uh, socialism, uh...I don't have all the details on socialism really. I might be leaving a few out in my head to make a final opinion.
 '''Kacey:''' Well, socialism just means, you know... [[Obama]]'s plan on healthcare. We were talking about this for hours!
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah. Oh yeah, I'm just spacing out right now, haha. Ahh... but yeah, Obama's plan on health care. Well you know, I mean, he's, uh yeah, he's trying but yeah he's just not trying hard enough. Hang on, I gotta switch my arm, my right arm's getting tired out on me. You know how it is...
 '''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' Oh, is it because you're uhh, you're uhh, you know...touching yourself?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no, my right arm was holding the phone and I used my left hand to touch myself-
 '''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' ''[giggles]'' Ooh, that's a little spicy!
 '''Chris:''' It's like, you know, you're holding the phone over to your ear and your arm just hurts after a while you've held it there.
 '''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' ...Right...So, um...
 '''Chris:''' Oh actually you know, I just remembered, I wanted to recommend to you some more viewing notes from youtube, I want you to look at the videos on the account CCHAN6789.
 '''Kacey:''' What was that? CCHAN6789?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, they were all from me. That's an old account, I pretty much just ended the deal with it, past time.
 '''Kacey:''' W-what's it again?
 '''Chris:''' Uh...It's C-C-H-A-N-6-7-8-9. Yeah, all me there. The real me.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh. What? Oh, I'll have to check it later when I'm near a computer. That's cool, that's cool.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. So you know uh, Kim, you know uh, how she, uh, yeah you know, uh, Kim, I actually heard that Kim and her friend Logan actually live in the Charlton area close to the downtown mall, you know? So if you ever wanted to look her up and, you know, just talk to her, you know, find about more about the impostor for me, or you know, see what her opinion of me is on the Internet from her point of view...
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, you want me to do some undercover stuff? Chris, that is so sweet of you! You know how much I wanted to get involved.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yeah, sure. You know that ScarletSanctum account? That's hers.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, no, I will totally, totally message her. It's Kim Woods, you said?
 '''Chris:''' No, Kim Wilson. Totally. Message her, talk to her all about me.
 '''Kacey:''' I totally will. That is-yeah. I gotcha.
 '''Chris:''' Oh actually, yeah. I'm looking through my uh, e-mails...oof. My arm's cracking up on me again, you know from holding the phone-
 '''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' You know, that's so weird, because you know, you work out all the time, Chris, so you would think a phone wouldn't be, you know, so heavy for you-
 '''Chris:''' ''[overlapping]'' Yeah, uh yeah, it's like light, but it's like, holding my arm in the same position for an extended period of time, it just bothers me.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, okay. So, um, you told me that you had some new Sonichu merchandise coming out, so can you tell me about those? ''[giggles]''
 '''Chris:''' ''[sighs]'' Uhh...oh yeah. I definitely got Poké Balls-I definitely got a [[Sonichu Ball]] replica in the works.
 ''[long pause]''
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, that's awesome. How much are you gonna sell them for? Cause I know you made so much money...
 '''Chris:''' Eh, they'll probably go for like five, ten bucks. You know, I wanna get it out there.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, oh okay. You want it to start out like that. Okay, got it.
 '''Chris:''' Actually you know, I think I am, oh yeah. As I was trying to say earlier but then my arm cramped up on me, I was checking my e-mail and uh, actually I have Kim Wilson's e-mail address, I could share that to you, okay?
 '''Kacey:''' Oh please do, that would be awesome! I will put it in my address book right away.
 '''Chris:''' All right, I'll spell it out for you. It's S-C-A-R-L-E-T-M-A-R-I-E-S-A-N-C-T-U-A-R-Y at gmail dot com.
 '''Kacey:''' So it's scarletmariesanctuary@gmail.com?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, yeah, but yeah. Okay but anyway listen, don't uh, let her, don't uh spread this around to anybody, I'm trusting you. Keep it just between you and me. Just between you and me.
 '''Kacey:''' No, no, definitely, I won't tell anyone. Just between you and me, Chris, just like, you know, our sexy secrets.
 '''Chris:''' Oh yes. Anyway, I gotta go, you know, I'm just tired out right now...
 '''Kacey:''' Aww, I don't want you to go, though.
 '''Chris:''' Oh I know, I wanna talk to you some more too, but, like, ''[high-pitched]'' you know, I need my rest girl, I gotta see you tomorrow at six and make your, uh, your, uh... your... rigatoni?
 '''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' Risotto, risotto, sweetie, risotto.
 '''Chris:''' RISOTTO!''[super high-pitched]'' RISOTTO, RISOTTO!
 '''Kacey:''' But still, can you make me a special video, please please? I'm not gonna be there till six so please make me a video!
 '''Chris:''' ''[sigh]''
 '''Kacey:''' It doesn't have to be cooking, just make me a video about how much you love me, please. You know, I'm feeling so lonely because this impostor, he's taking up a lot of your time, so please?
 '''Chris:''' All right, sweetheart, I'll make you a video saying how much I love you...
 '''Kacey:''' ''[overlapping]'' Oh my god, thank you!
 '''Chris:''' ...but don't be surprised if it ends up on, uh, a different account, you know.
 '''Kacey:''' I know. Oh, you're gonna keep it between us! I got it, I got it. That's awesome. Just e-mail it to me and I will look at it.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I will e-mail it to you and let you look at it. Yes, I'll e-mail you the link.
 '''Kacey:''' Awesome, please, PLEASE e-mail me the link.
 '''Chris:''' All RIGHT, we've got a game plan!
 '''Kacey:''' Awesome.
 '''Chris:''' ''[Singing over her]'' YEAH, I CAN'T FIGHT THIS FEELING!
 '''Kacey:''' Be as sexy and awesome like you always are, okay, please?
 '''Chris:''' Oh yes, sexy and awesome. You got it, girl. You got it.
 '''Kacey:''' Okay, then I guess I'll let you go to sleep and, umm...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you have pleasant dreams tonight, sweetheart.
 '''Kacey:''' I will as long as you're in them.
 '''Chris:''' Bye. ''[Kissing noises]''
 '''Kacey:''' I love you, Chris.
 '''Chris:''' I love you too. Love talking to you.
 '''Kacey:''' I love talking to you too...I love doing more with you, but that will have to wait till tomorrow.
 '''Chris:''' ''[weirdly high-pitched]'' Yeah, wait till tomorrow when you get here!
 '''Kacey:''' So...I'll be in your dreams, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, you'll be in my dreams and I'll be in yours, ''[sings]'' I'll be in yours...
 '''Kacey:''' ''[Tries to interrupt]'' All right, th-
 '''Chris:''' I NEVER PROMISED YOU A HAPPY ENDING! I'm just trying to take a crack at his song now. The one that he could have stolen from me because, you know, I love [[Britney Spears]] as well.
 '''Kacey:''' Oh, I haven't seen that one yet, is it up?
 '''Chris:''' Oh yes, [[Duck|it's up]]. ''[sings over her again]''
 '''Kacey:''' ''[giggles]'' Okay, Chris, well...
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I'm tired, I'll talk to you later.
 '''Kacey:''' I'll call you tomorrow before I come, okay? All right, love you, bye!

{{succession|label=[[Kacey_calls|Kacey Phone Calls]]|prevlink=First|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 2]]}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?mkgfzztdgcz mp3 of phonecall]
{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category: Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 18

2011-03-13T23:19:32Z

Liquid!:

Just a brief overview until the entire call is transcribed.

File Name: kc91709.mp3

*[[Kacey]] prepared a list of questions for [[Chris]] for an essay she's writing.
*Chris states basic things like where he lives, his age, birthday, relatives, height etc.
*Above chris' "left breast", he has a scar from a bike accident.
*Kacey tells Chris to go to the doctor.
*Chris thinks that [[Gregg Mays]] is [[Clyde Cash]], who died and came back from the dead under a new name. But really Gregg Mays killed Clyde and is pretending to by Clyde. It really makes no sense.
*Chris tries to explain this to Kacey by saying that if he was going around pretending to be another Chris. Kacey makes the connection between Liquid and Chris in this conversation, Chris gets upset.
*Chris doesn't believe that [[Ryan Cash]] killed himself.
*Chris says the real reason that Clyde Cash [[trolls]] Chris is because Clyde is a [[homosexual]].
*Clyde tried to make Chris make a video of a [[Sonic]] and Tails toys going on a homosexual date.
*The idea that Clyde is straight makes Chris [[stress sigh]].
*Chris claims that his passwords are complicated so Clyde must be a good hacker.
*Chris says that his last password was: "J04nE1de4R08i2on", which is an [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Elder_Robison author's name] (incidentally, one with [[Asperger syndrome|aspergers]]). Kacey says this is leet speak, and Chris says that he's never heard that term before.
*Chris talked to Clyde earlier in the day, Clyde claimed that he tampered with Chris' [[PS3]].
*Chris turns his PS3 off and unplugs it when he is not using it, so Clyde can't hack into it to get his password.
*Kacey says that Chris should just break his PS3 so Clyde will stop bothering him.
*Chris claims that he can't break his PS3 because he has a PSP and that would break his [[PSP]] too.
*Chris says that video games are not the most important thing in his life, that would be finding a sweetheart in real life.
*Chris has an interview next week at [[Target]].
*Chris says that he has tricked Clyde into not hacking him anymore by telling him that he doesn't care about his PS3 anymore; Kacey suggests making a video of pretending to give away his PS3 or throwing it in the trash. This idea makes Chris stress sigh.
*"When I say I am going to think about it, it means I am going to do it" -Chris, regarding stress sighing and saying he's working on it.
*Clyde told Chris to unscrew the system and to take out a battery so he can't be hacked anymore.
*Kim's boyfriend Logan told Chris that this is a safe thing to do.
*Kacey eventually gets Chris to say he will open his PS3 and remove the battery.
*Chris made an appointment with the doctor to talk about heart pains.

==Transcript==
{{transcription}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?c29bsshpf7ccuiy mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 17]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 19]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 14

2011-03-13T20:11:28Z

Liquid!:

Just a brief overview until the entire call is transcribed.

File Name: kc9eleven.mp3

*[[Chris]] instantly starts rambling about stress and phone calls and doctors. Hard to make out anything he's saying.
*Kim had to explain what a metabolism was to Chris. [[Kacey]] is snarky about Chris not knowing what it meant, and said that he's not ready for the information because it's too high level for him.
*Kacey is explaining what different words mean, like sodium and calcium. Chris seems generally interested in learning more about this.
*Chris claims that because he is on cholesterol medication, that means that he has good cholesterol.
*Kacey says that she needs to start a diet, so Chris does too.
*Chris drove around his neighborhood to see how big it was, due to this he claims that he walked almost two miles. Chris doesn't know what jogging is.
*Kacey talks to Chris for a long time about oatmeal and how it's not healthy due to sugar.
*Chris: "We only have a total of four cars."
*Chris's [[mom]] refuses to sell her car, despite the fact that she doesn't even drive it anymore, and they only use Chris' [[car]] or his [[dad]]'s car.
*Chris says that she's been hoarding since she quit her job.
*Kacey asks Chris if he's ever thought about giving up soda. "I can't go cold turkey on it" -Chris
*Chris is talking about Red Skelton.
*Chris was looking to buy some work out DVDs or a treadmill so he too can join the thousands of rednecks who don't use the treadmill in their house.
*Chris is thinking about buying Carmen Electra's workout striptease DVD.
*Chris is thinking about buying a guitar but he said he'd have to save money for it. Kim suggested it.
*Chris mentioned that he's working on his own [[audiobooks]].
*Kacey nags Chris to scan in his recent [[video game]] receipts and pictures of his [[PSN]] account to prove he's not buying any more [[games]].

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?ick4la17xde9m59 mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 13]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 15]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 12

2011-03-13T19:27:27Z

Liquid!:

Just a brief overview until the entire call is transcribed.

File Name: 999kc.mp3

*First yoga class for [[Chris]].
*[[Kacey]] trying to sound smart about medical stuff, Chris doesn't care.
*Chris trying to tell [[trolls]] that call him that Kacey is his girlfriend, Kacey said "we're just friends".
*Unwilling to get a new cell phone number because he would have to update the number on [[PSN]] but it's too much effort.
*Chris talks about Burger King food, says that oatmeal is veggies.
*Chris says that he needs to move out of his house and get a job before he learns to cook for himself.
*Kim told him to go to yoga class.
*Chris trying to talk about how sitting in different positions makes it impossible to breathe. He and Kacey argue about it.
*Walking around [[mall]] = exercise.
*Gamestop employee recognized Chris and took a picture with him
*Chris gave blood. This means that someone has part of Chris inside of them. THIS MEANS SOMEONE HAS CHRIS INSIDE OF THEM.
*Chris trying to explain what giving plasma is to Kacey despite the fact that she keeps saying over and over that she knows what it is.
*Chris sent out [[Sonichu 0]] to Marvel, Dark Horse, and Archie.
*Kacey: "You know how you said I weighed a lot? how much do you think Kim weighs?" Chris: "175-150, somewhere between there." Kacey: "How much do you weigh?" Chris: "last time I checked 215-220."
*Chris actually seems interested in blood types.
*Chris says that his mind goes blank because he is too creative for his thoughts. He refers to himself as a "creative genius".
*Chris says that the way the brain works is the same as computers: random access memory.
*Chris is writing a 500 word essay about [[autism]] for Kacey. He tries to emphasise how great he is for doing this.

==Transcript==
{{transcription}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?2i238caqrp6h00o mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 11]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 13]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 12

2011-03-13T19:18:42Z

Liquid!:

Just a brief overview until the entire call is transcribed.

File Name: 999kc.mp3

*First yoga class for [[Chris]].
*[[Kacey]] trying to sound smart about medical stuff, Chris doesn't care.
*Chris trying to tell [[trolls]] that call him that Kacey is his girlfriend, Kacey said "we're just friends".
*Unwilling to get a new cell phone number because he would have to update the number on [[PSN]] but it's too much effort.
*Chris talks about Burger King food, says that oatmeal is veggies.
*Chris says that he needs to move out of his house and get a job before he learns to cook for himself.
*Kim told him to go to yoga class.
*Chris trying to talk about how sitting in different positions makes it impossible to breathe. He and Kacey argue about it.
*Walking around [[mall]] = exercise.
*Gamestop employee recognized Chris and took a picture with him
*Chris gave blood. This means that someone has part of Chris inside of them. THIS MEANS SOMEONE HAS CHRIS INSIDE OF THEM.
*Chris trying to explain what giving plasma is to Kacey despite the fact that she keeps saying over and over that she knows what it is.
*Chris sent out [[Sonichu 0]] to Marvel, Dark Horse, and Archie.
*Kacey: "You know how you said I weighed a lot? how much do you think Kim weighs?" Chris: "175-150, somewhere between there." Kacey: "How much do you weigh?" Chris: "last time I checked 215-220."
*Chris actually seems interested in blood types.
*Chris says that his mind goes blank because he is too creative for his thoughts. He refers to himself as a "creative genius".
*Chris says that the way the brain works is the same as computers: random access memory.
*Chris is writing a 500 word essay about [[autism]] for Kacey.

==Transcript==
{{transcription}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?2i238caqrp6h00o mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 11]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 13]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

Kacey Call 15

2011-03-09T19:36:00Z

Liquid!:

Just a brief overview until the entire call is transcribed.

File Name: kc91209.mp3

*[[Kacey]] starts the call by complaining about how stressful her [[job]] is. [[Chris]] compares this to how stressed he gets when looking at [[troll]] emails.
*Kacey starts screaming at Chris about how hard her life is. Chris doesn't care.
*Kacey: "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT STRESS IS!" Chris: "hm... yeah..."
*Kacey yells more about Chris not getting a job.
*Kacey: "WHAT STRESS DO YOU HAVE?" Chris: "I HAVE EMOTIONAL STRESS FROM TROLLS AND THEIR INPUT!"
*Kacey: "YOU GET FREE MONEY AND PAID TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES AND YOU STILL COMPLAIN!"
*Kacey is jealous that Chris gets government [[money]] for free.
*Kacey complains that she and Kim have to do all of Chris's research for his jobs and he won't do anything. Still bitching about how hard her life is.
*Chris: "I'm workin on it!"
*Kacey apologizes for yelling at Chris, but then says he can't even understand it. Chris gets defensive and says he has a hard life and talks about how he had to bring "REALLY HEAVY TRASH BAGS OUTSIDE" when he worked at [[Wendys]] like six years ago, and how this was the hardest day of his life. Kacey starts screaming again about how useless Chris is. Chris says he will prove her wrong because he's stronger now than six years ago.
*Kacey asks what his parent's think about how lazy he is. He says that his [[mom]] is proud of him for going outside to walk now, and how he's looking for a job.
*Kacey starts screaming AGAIN about how she's the one that made him do all of that.
*Chris says he's being social now, Kacey asks how many friends he made. Chris is quiet for a long time and says that they just pass by, and that he makes acquaintances. Kacey asks just for a single name, and Chris says that he didn't catch their names. Kacey calls Chris "Lonely and Sad."
*Kacey asks Chris what he's doing to improve his life. Chris says going to the [[mall]], going to [[church]], finding social outings to go to. He is interrupted by his mom.
*We are barely able to hear Chris saying "Let me rub your feet for you" to his mom. He says he is talking to Kacey, and his mom asks him what he did that day. He says he put 5 dollars in the bank and ate a sandwich.
*Chris says he has 14 dollars in his bank. It is very hard to make out what they are saying. His mom is telling him that he needs to do more, he starts talking about how once he [[copyrights]] [[Sonichu]] people will make [[games]] for him and he'll get the money for it.
*[[Barb]] starts talking about how hard her life was, and how Chris needs to show more humility if he wants to make money.
*Barb says that the reason why the [[house]] is messy and she doesn't work is because "she's been sick for so long."
*"I almost killed myself at least twice." -Barb talking about going to the hospital ''because of things falling on her in their house.''
*Barb complaining about [[Bob]] and how all he does is make it look like he does all the work around the house. Complains about Bob not having [[sex]] with her.
*She is telling Chris to clean the house and how he's been slacking off for too long. Chris starts yelling and whining about how he can't do anything because there is nothing to do. It makes no sense and Barb is getting angry.
*Barb is complaining that Chris doesn't clean and just tries to hide dirty stuff around the house. He says he has no where to put his "love doll" and that it gets too hot in his [[room]] and it will get damaged.
*Chris finally starts talking to Kacey again. Kacey says that Barb made some really good points.
*Kacey asks if he's going to help clean the house. Chris says yes, he wanted to clean for a long time, but he doesn't know where she wants things.
*Chris says that his mom only wants him to get rid of his and Bob's stuff, but she refuses to get rid of her own. Kacey says that Chris should get rid of some of his stuff and his mom might follow suit.
*Kacey says he should get rid of his [[toys]] because he's 27. Chris gets really upset at this idea of this. "Ahm gonna think about that..."
*Kacey says that he needs to make his room look like he's an adult, and for him to get rid of all his childish toys and posters.
*Kacey says that Chris needs to throw out 95% of his toys. Chris says that he will take that into great consideration. Kacey says he's bullshitting and bets he won't do it.
*Chris says he will take Kacey up on her offer and he'll do it by Tuesday.
*Chris almost calls Kacey his mom.
*Chris's family uses all plastic forks, spoons, and knives. The reason being is that his family can't find the actual silverware under all the dirty dishes.
*His house is filled with ants, flies, and wasps from not cleaning.
*Kacey asks how his house got that dirty. Chris says it just "kind of happened."
*THEY HAVE A FUCKING DISHWASHER AND THEY DON'T DO DISHES.
*Chris gets stressed and leaves.

==Transcript==
{{transcription}}

==External links==
*[http://www.mediafire.com/?8l4g6d04lyt0tm6 mp3 of phonecall]

{{succession|label=Kacey Phone Calls|prevlink=[[Kacey Call 14]]|nextlink=[[Kacey Call 16]]}}

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:Trolling]]
[[Category:Phone calls]]
[[Category:Liquid Saga]]

User:Da Nuke/Addiction

2011-02-22T17:31:52Z

Liquid!:

{{essay}}
==Analysis==
The explanation for the true driving force of Chris's entire Love Quest can be boiled down to a single, nowadays common word: '''addiction.''' Chris is addicted to sweetheart searching, pure and simple, and he showed himself capable of thrashing his entire life in the name of his Sweetheart Search.

This explanation is further supported by the following symptoms of being addicted to something<ref>[http://addictionrecoverybasics.com/2007/05/12/5-symptoms-that-indicate-you-have-an-addiction/ 5 symptoms that indicate you have an addiction]</ref>:
#''Unable to meet responsibilities at home, school or office.'' Chris spends his entire days and nights doing nothing but sleeping all day long in [[Piedmont Virginia Community College|college]], drawing only twelve (incredibly shitty) comic books took him nine years, and failed at the only [[Wendy's|two]] [[Cutco|jobs]] he ever had.
#''Continues to use substances or engage in behavior even when it is dangerous.'' Example: putting his [[Attraction Sign]] to find a sweetheart in the [[Fashion Square Mall|most]] [[Wal-Mart|inappropriate]] [[Target|places]], even in places and contexts where not supposed to.
#''The need increases to engage in behaviour or use more of a substance or alternative substance to achieve the same effect or feeling.'' With every passing day his need for a Sweetheart increases. What? No sweetheart? No problem! Just fuck [[Kimmi|an anime blow-up doll]]!
#''Has tried but failed to stop using the substance or end the behavior.'' One day, he says he listened to Rocky, stop feeding the trolls and continue with his business. The next day, he's back on the search.
#''Continues to engage in the behavior or use the substances even when they are aware of the dangers.'' Trolls have slandered, [[stress]]ed and cursed him for 10 months straight. And he's still looking for his sweetbolt.

==References==

<references/>

Chris and sex

2010-12-10T11:48:28Z

Liquid!: /* Knowledge of sex and gender */

{{Honest}}
[[Chris]] has a warped view of '''sexual intercourse''' (a.k.a. '''hanky-panky'''), mostly stemming from stunted sexual development and a sheltered upbringing. He first developed an understanding of sex from watching softcore porn on [[Wikipedia:HBO|HBO]] around age 16. He describes pornographic films as "educational".<ref>[[Miyamoto Saga]]</ref>

== Knowledge of sex and gender ==
[[Image:Thenightmarecontinues.jpg|thumb|Seven inches? Yeah, right.]]
In his mind, Chris has mastered all there is to know about sex, and now regards himself as a bit of a guru. He has said that kissing a woman is "magical and delightful... sweet and melting like ice cream or chocolate", a description he stole from ''[[Sailor Moon]]''.<ref>[[Mailbag 18#He might as well be talking about how to pilot the space shuttle|Mailbag 18]]</ref> In truth, Chris has never kissed a girl.<ref>[[Jackie e-mails Part 2]]</ref>

What he knows about sex he's picked up from rudimentary [[Manchester High School|high-school]] [[Dating education|sex education]] or [[pornography]]. This has engendered many false beliefs in Chris which he sticks to religiously. Readers who brave [[Chris Sex Logs|his sex chat logs]] should be able to immediately notice what's going wrong — Chris's fantasies are merely recreations of what he's seen in porno movies, rather than plausible sexual experiences. For example, he believed that [[Kacey]] would get off to a brutal tit-fucking followed by load after load of semen to the face.<ref>[[Kacey Phone Call]]</ref>

Other examples of Chris's crude misconceptions about sex abound. He mimics female porn stars' sex positions, spreads an imaginary vagina a yard across,<ref>[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]</ref> and thinks that electric shocks to the vagina are pleasurable.<ref>[[CWC Cums for a Cat]]</ref> The "missionary cowgirl" position mentioned in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] is a contradiction in terms. He can't even get the most basic double entendres correct, wearing a "receiver's" terrible Mountain Dew parody shirt thinking it's an invitation for women to try and ride [[Duck|his broken penis]].<ref>[[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]]</ref> He thinks that his [[virgin]]ity is a precious and sought-after treasure which women will come in droves to take (he even went so far as to use it as a bargaining chip to haggle with a prostitute), and believes that [[mass debating|masturbating]] ultimately makes him better at sex.

Due to the combined threat of his somewhat [[Chris and English|slippery grip on language]] and his peculiar mindset on sex, Chris is noticeably confused about basic sexual terminology. While he may have the best of intentions, his word choices unwittingly present him in a very bad light. He refuses to use familiar terms — either medical or slang — for sex organs, instead calling penises "[[duck]]s" and "[[pickle]]s", and vaginas and vulvae "[[china]]".

===Chris and gender===
Among his more generally skewed view of gender roles, Chris has a distinctly sexist outlook towards [[Women's rights|women]]. Based on his failed attempts at getting girls at the mall, he has concluded that all girls are [[Boyfriend-free girl|already paired up]], [[Homos|lesbians]], or distracted with shopping. The notion that they might have good reasons for spurning his advances does not occur to him. He can’t seem to acknowledge the possibility that women just might not be drawn to a [[Obesity|fat, dumpy]] psycho, carrying an "[[attraction sign]]" and the unpleasant aroma of [[Dirty Crapped Briefs|feces]] mixed with [[Axe]].

In [[Sonichu 9|''Sonichu'' #9]], he referred to women as another species. While at times it may seem as if women are from another planet, they are still classified as ''Homo sapiens'', just like manchildren.

Chris has an interesting grasp of stereotypical gay and straight behavior, too, insisting he's straight even as he acts like a mincing crossdressing homosexual. This can be explained by his [[autism|lack of empathy or ability to pick up on social cues]], but given his reaction to being told he looks gay is to scream "NO I'M NOT!" and ignore anything else, it's unlikely he'll ever learn.

== Moral basis on sex and double standards ==
[[Image:DatingEducation.jpg|thumb|250px|69ing? Intercourse? ''Really''? In a ''children's'' comic? Because they should know all about this stuff.]]
{{quote|You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: but I say to you, that whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.|Matthew 5:27-28}}

Sex as viewed through Chris's eyes is dictated by the Bible. Chris is very strict on keeping to the word of God when homosexuality is the topic, vehemently stating that he ''hates'' [[homos]], but not hesitating to view lesbian porn and approve of it".<ref>[[CWC's Second Message]]</ref> This logic probably stems from an episode of ''[[Family Guy]]'' where one of Meg's friends states that lesbianism is a choice, while male homosexuality isn't. This comment was intended as a joke, but like most satire, it flew right over Chris's head. Another violation of his Christian morals is the fact that he plans on losing his virginity on the [[Third date|third or fourth date]] with his true [[sweetheart]] (read: first girl who will last three dates with Chris). Well, guess that the whole “no sex till marriage thing” doesn’t matter that much now, does it?

The Bible also frowns upon [[Nudes|pornographers]], of which he is guilty and holds no visible [[remorse]]. These double standards cause many trolls to despise him, seeing as he selectively chooses what to dogmatize and what is OK.

Despite people pointing out these contradictions, even quoting passages of the Bible, he will deny it. This is partially because he goes to [[Wesley Memorial|a very liberal church]], and any question about premarital sex is interpreted quite liberally by [[Rocky]].{{cite}} When Chris asks Rocky about passages quoted to him by [[troll]]s, she only fuels his cafeteria Christianity by saying things like sex before marriage is okay as long as the couple is in love, which is wrong by Christian doctrine.{{cite}} Chris picks and chooses what parts of Christian doctrine suit his own prejudices, and disregards the ones that would interfere with his [[Love Quest|Fuck Quest]].

Chris seems to consider a female sexual partner as a rubber stamp over his (alleged) sexual orientation. Flying in the face of any moral system he ever held, he announced his desire to upload on the Internet a video of his first full sexual intercourse.<ref>[[ChrisChanSonichu and WikiSysop correspondence#The Introduction Image Space is NOT Ad Space (CCS)]]</ref> After further prodding, he added that he would simply hide the camera, record the event without her consent and blur her face before making the video public,<ref>[[Mailbag 31#In which Chris crosses yet another line]]</ref> showing that, for Chris, [[Women's rights|a woman is just a living, sentient sex-toy]], existing only to validate him as a heterosexual.

==Chris in the act==
[[Image:JULAY-small.gif|frame|right|Christian professing his love for "[[Julie]]".]]
Leaked tapes of Chris's audio sex with [[Julie]], and the infamous [[sex tape]] with [[Kimmi]] shed light on Chris as he acts out on his fantasies. In particular, the sex tape shows how Chris assumes ''female'' positions, notably riding on top of Kimmi in a scene straight out of a porno. It seems that Chris's entirety of knowledge about sexual relationships stems from ignoring the men in pornography (due to fear of becoming a [[homo]]).

Chris's view of [[Wikipedia:cunnilingus|cunnilingus]], put on horrific display in [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV]], involves slobbering all over a woman's vagina. Despite all his knowledge of porn, he fails to see how cunnilingus is more than just slobbering, but proper tongue action to stimulate the [[Wikipedia:Clitoris|clitoris]].

In the leaked media, Chris displays that he may have some issues with delayed orgasm. This can either be physiological (bent [[duck]], [[Obesity|fat ass]], lack of endurance) or psychological (performance anxiety, high expectations, subconscious guilt about sex) in nature.

==Staying straight==
''See [[Homos#Fear of being a homo|Fear of being a homo]]''

==Is Chris asexual?==
It is possible that Chris only claims to be STRAIGHT due to the overwhelming portrayal in the media of men being sexually active heterosexuals. This could also explain some of his twisted views regarding sex and romance; he genuinely cannot understand the appeal of most sexual activity.

* He has the idea he must "maintain" his straightness, much like how he must regularly change the oil in the [[Son-Chu|Sonichu-mobile]]. While it could be that he is gay deep down inside, it can also be argued that he has no major sexual compulsions of any kind, and is just trying to induce them through [[Sailor Moon Poster of Fail|external sources]]. Why else would he have to try so hard?
* According to himself, Chris only masturbates twice a week, and states that it's only to keep his "[[Mass debating#Frequency|hormones under control]]," while most single men masturbate daily, sometimes more (though this could be because he's so out of shape that [[Chris and health#Exercise|the act of masturbation tires him out]]).
* Chris did not discover masturbation until the age of 16, while most boys figure it out once they hit puberty (around 11). 16 was also the age where he pretty much discovered sex.
* Chris's interest in finding a [[sweetheart]] appears to have been spurred on by a desire for companionship, as opposed to a desire for a sexual relationship. This is supported by his constant emphasis on being "lonely," as well as requiring his heartsweet to be "caring and compassionate".
* While his creepy attempts at touching/kissing [[Megan]] and [[Emily|other]] [[Kacey|girls]] would indicate some form of sexuality, it could be part of his limited perception of what it means to be a sexually active adult, or just pure and simple attempts at being straight under the rationale that if he does this to a woman, it makes him straight.

Some autistics simply do not understand sexual attraction (for example, high-functioning autistic and [[Wikipedia:Hugbox|hugbox]] inventor [[Wikipedia:Temple Grandin|Temple Grandin]] chooses to be celibate because she admits that she really does not understand sexual attraction and that she lacks the ability, as a consequence of her autism, to engage in a sexual relationship). It's possible that Chris genuinely does not understand why two people would want to get together and have sexual intercourse, aside from the fact he's seen people in the media do it and that he thinks that sex is a rite of passage to becoming a big boy.

After he was introduced to the term by his Mailbag correspondents, Chris took to interpreting and using "[[Wikipedia:Asexuality|asexual]]" as an insult. In his [[CWCipedia]] page on [[Damien Antaria (CWCipedia Page)|The Wallflower]], he referred to her as a "Got-Dang Asexual Woman!". He also became very offended when [[Jackie]] implied that he liked [[video games]] more than women, ranting that she should not label him as asexual (and misses her point completely).<ref>[[Jackie e-mails Part 3]]</ref> It is now possible that Chris finds asexual people to be as bad as [[homos]]exuals, judging by both remarks (not to mention he aforementioned disdain from the [[Mailbag]] responses).

==Pedophilia==
{{main|Pedofork}}

==Bestiality==
[[File:PattiLuv.jpg|thumb|[[Patti-chan|Run Patti!]]]]
{{quote|I can imagine myself doing it with a [[Patti-chan|collie]] at least. you know, like Lassie.|Chris in [[IRC (27 December 2008)]]}}

In his [[Chris-chan Discusses...‎|interview with ScrewAttackEurope]], Chris says he's against [[Wikipedia:bestiality|bestiality]], then hoists himself by his own petard by claiming that Sonichu & co. are not "half-humans" but "all-animals" with human form. Technically, this isn't bestiality, as they're animals having sex with each other, not humans having sex with animals. It is heavily implied that Chris masturbates while drawing these pictures.

Chris has also suggested that [[Wikipedia:Brian Griffin|Brian]] from ''[[Family Guy]]'' be paired up with "any sexy breed" of dog.<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Family_Guy#Story_of_the_CWC_Episode_for_.22Family_Guy.22 Family Guy Article on the CWCipedia]</ref>
[[File:Super-mode.jpg|thumb|left|90px|Chris, sporting a [[ECV 00002‎|homemade fursuit]].]]
===Is Chris a furry?===
Whether or not Chris can actually be considered a [[Wikipedia:Furry fandom|furry]] is still debated.<ref>[7:17:25] '''Sarah May''': Did you feel sexually aroused when you drew them? [7:17:34] '''Christopher C.W.C.''': a bit.</ref> There are some things that points in that direction. [[Chris-chan Sonichu]] is in many ways similar to a fursona. Chris has also used the character while cybering with [[Julie]].<ref>CWC Cums for a Cat</ref> Finally, in the [[Giant Penis Comic]], Chris and [[Ivy]] both morph into fursonas during the act of sex. However, it has been confirmed by [[Mimms]] and [[Lucas]] that Chris has prejudice against furries, not because of who they are, but because many furries tend to be [[homos]].<ref>[[Mimms and Lucas Q&A#Racism and homophobia]]</ref>

==Prostitution==
{{quote|"In my sarch [''sic''] on [[Wikipedia:Craigslist|Craigslist]], the ONLY women who left a phone number on their Ad were under "Adult Services", which they would have wanted money. I tried calling one, learned she wanted a hundred, then in the middle of telling my story about [[Jack]] and my [[PSN]] account recovery with a Sex video, she hung up on me. :("|Chris, wasting a prostitute's time{{cite}}}}

Given how badly Chris seems to want to lose his [[virgin]]ity, many observers have wondered why he hasn't long since spent some of his [[monthly tugboat]] on a prostitute. [[Mumble 4]], from [[February 2009]], answered that question for a while. There, Chris explained that paying for sex would render the act "meaningless," and he was afraid of contracting a [[Wikipedia:Sexually transmitted disease|sexually transmitted disease]].

Needs must as the devil drives, though. While being blackmailed by [[Jack Thaddeus]] in the summer of [[2009]], Chris attempted to solicit the services of a Craigslist prostitute to fuck on camera so he could recover his hacked [[PlayStation Network]] accounts. After describing his personal problems to the prostitute, she hung up on him. Chris was apparently trying to get free sex from the hooker with long, rambling stories about his horrible life to try and gain sympathy. He was genuinely shocked when she didn't offer to fuck him out of pity, unaware that prostitutes, by definition, only have sex with men for money.

Previously, in [[March 2009]], [[Brian Bash]] had sent a trio of prostitutes to [[14 Branchland Court|Chris's house]] so he would no longer be a virgin with rage. [[Hooker incident|Hilarity ensued]].

By the beginning of [[2010]], Chris's views on prostitution had further softened. According to his [[Vivian Gee E-mails 2|conversations with Vivian Gee]], around the turn of the year he was attempting to save $100 out of his monthly budget to buy himself a whore for his 28th [[birthday]]. This, presumably, was the "hundred dollars for a damn hooker" he referred to when [["Damian Antaria", PLEASE, Don't Leave Me - I NEED YOU!!!|begging the Wallflower for sex]] on YouTube in [[March 2010]].

Between [[April 2010|April]] and [[July 2010]], under the name of [[Carlos Chantor]], Chris decided to offer himself up as a male escort. He describes himself as "[[Chris and reality|Experienced for Her Pleasure]]", and with an [[obesity|average]] body type.<ref>[[Jackie E-mails 6]]</ref><ref>[http://www.escorts.com/member/2716193/CarlosChantor "Carlos Chantor" profile on escorts.com]</ref>

==Incest==
{{incomplete}}

[[Crystal Weston Chandler (sister)|Crystal]], his imaginary twin sister, has appeared as a "girlfriend" card he made for ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh]]'', and her attractiveness and desirability are brought up several times in the [[Sonichu (comic)|''Sonichu'']] comics well after being established as Chris's twin. Chris has shown complete ignorance in matters incestuous before; his [[Electric Hedgehog Pokémon]] are all related, but many of them are paired off with one-another, banging and even [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|having kids]]. Being raised without siblings present, he has no experience with filial relationships, and [[autism]] ensures he has no inkling of what it entails. He didn't even know the word, let alone, the concept, of "incest" until someone mentioned and explained it to him.<ref>[[Mumble 1]]</ref> He has trouble contemplating why incest is wrong when, to him, [[china]] is china. Only brother-brother incest is wrong because it is [[homosexual]] in nature. He doesn't understand why sister-sister incest would be bad, because it involves [[Gaybian|girl-on-girl]].

==Rape==

{{Protip|Despite your worst fears, Chris won't ever manage to rape anybody, so stop saying that.}}

Chris has a poor understanding of the effects of rape, starting from the [[Megan]] saga all the way to [[PandaHalo]].
{{incomplete}}

==See also==
*[[Homos]]
*[[Women's rights]]
*[[Semen]]
*[[Mass debating]]
*[[Duck]]
*[[Pickle]]
*[[Chris and his ego]]
*[[Chris Sex Logs]]

==Sauce==
<references/>

{{Chris and}}

[[Category:Chris-chan]]

BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5

2010-12-09T14:31:46Z

Liquid!:

'''BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5''' was a continuation of the third [[PlayStation Network]] chat between "[[Julie]]" ([[BlueSpike]]) and [[Chris]], held on 18 [[February 2009]].

This chat is notable because of Chris's stunning lack of geographical knowledge, his blatant [[racism]] and for talking about his father.

==Summary==

* Chris wants to know if Julie saw ''Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist'', a romantic comedy.
* Chris reads the plot summary from the box. He wants that to be their first movie together.
* Some audio troubles.
* Chat moves into impersonations. Chris impersonates various Simpsons characters.
* Uncle Ruckus is Julie's favorite impersonation, so Chris does an impersonation as well as singing '[[Don't_Trust_Any_Homos_Over_There|Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There]]'.
* Chris is old fashioned and wouldn't date a black chick, but he definitely would fuck her.
* He doesn't mind Chinese people but likes Japanese people. Does terrible accents for them both... which are identical. He even admits as much but claims it doesn't matter since they basically speak the same.
* Julie is mad that Bob doesn't like Molvania, Chris says it's because he can't find it on a map. Bob has been to Korea (in Europe) during the Korean war in the Signal Corps.
* Julie wants a Jewish impersonation. Chris imitates Mort from Family Guy.
* Julie realizes that Korea isn't in Europe. Chris claims it's on the "west" coast of where-ever it is, then retracts that and says "east" instead.
* Julie wants to know why Bob is sour. Chris says he is old but Bob can be pleasant.
* Bob was fixing a CD player, looking for a power cord in their landfill of a house.
* Bob worked at GE, has designs in Cleveland and Riveroma.
* Chris says Riveroma sounds like a river and "hopes the river is wide enough", as per the song. He then claims he made this line up.
* Julie wants to know about Indians, but can't decide if she means Indians from India or Native Americans.

==Transcript==

====''Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist'' (00:00:00)====

[''We join Julie and Chris in medias res, carrying on their previous discussion.'']

'''Julie:''' Do you accept that though?

'''Chris:''' I accept that.

'''Julie:''' Thank you Chris, that means a lot.

'''Chris:''' 'kay.

'''Julie:''' So is there anything you want to talk about?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I dunno, uuuuhm... [''pause'']

'''Basement Rosechu:''' [''faint, in the background''] Opera!

'''Chris:''' H-Have you uh... [''pause'']

'''Julie:''' What?

'''Chris:''' Have you seen ''[[wikipedia:Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist|Nick & Norah]]''?

'''Julie:''' ''Nick & Norah''?

'''Chris:''' I- ''Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist''.

'''Julie:''' No, I haven't seen it yet.

'''Chris:''' It's a fun movie.

[''Chris and Julie talk over each other'']

'''Julie:''' Oh. What's it about?

'''Chris:''' I just watched it- I rented it.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it's basically a romantic comedy.

'''Julie:''' Mm.

'''Chris:''' Uhhh... Nick and Norah met at... uhh at a concert-type thing. And it's like they first meet as strangers, and then she- and then she finds out that he's the guy that uh, did the uh, mint CD's for... his ex. And that uh you know, her f- his ex uh, threw it in a garbage can and uh, Norah's been taking them and copying them to her iPod.

'''Julie:''' Ahh, a'right.

'''Chris:''' E-anyway, it's a fun romantic comedy.

'''Julie:''' It sound pretty good.

'''Chris:''' I'd like- uhh, if you want, that can be the first movie we share together. I can re-rent it.

'''Julie:''' Sure I would enjoy that.

'''Chris:''' A'right. Actually uh, lemme uh- uh- I'll read you the description from the back of the box here.

'''Julie:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Says here: After a chance encounterrrrr... Nick and Norah embark on a journey to New York in the rock scene on a quest to find the secret show of a legendary band and wind up finding each other. [''pause''] Stars uh, [[wikipedia:Michael Cera|Michelle Sarah]] and Kat Dennings.

'''Julie:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' There's the cover.

'''Julie:''' Oh. Cool.

'''Chris:''' That heart is in uh- is a pair of earphones.

[''audio returns to being quiet'']

'''Julie:''' I see, yeah.

[''faint sound of mouse clicking'']

'''Chris:''' [''Due to Chris's mumbling and low audio volume his precise words are inaudible, but the general gist is that he is describing the cover of the movie.''] -you can see on- on the cover here. I have a mini poster of that movie.

'''Julie:''' Oh.

[''pause, more mouse clicks'']

====Impressions (00:02:38)====

[''audio returns to normal'']

'''Julie:''' Oh. Oh. Yes..

'''Chris:''' Yeeees. [''Chris is doing a poor Mr Burns impression'']

'''Julie:''' [[wikipedia:Ned_Flanders|Indeedily, deedily, daddily, do]]?

'''Chris:''' [[wikipedia:Montgomery_Burns|Eeexcellent]].

'''Julie:''' Hah!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I gotta little thing- Mr Burns there.

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Eeexcellent.

[[Image:MargePoster.jpg|thumb|The picture of a married woman Chris is pretending to be (and faps to).]]

'''Julie:''' Oh- can you do your impersonation of [[wikipedia:Homer_Simpson|Homer]]?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] [''inaudible; very poor Homer impersonation''] -but it's okay! Doh doh doh doh!

'''Julie:''' [''pause''] Crap. Good impression!

'''Chris:''' [''high pitched screeching''] Oooh, look at me, I'm [[The_Simpsons#Marge_Poster|Marge]], I'm Homer's wife.

'''Julie:''' Huh. That's a great impression.

'''Chris:''' [''horrific sucking noise, as though Chris was enjoying a nice, healthy, 100% all meat [[pickle]]'']

'''Julie:''' Heh.

'''Chris:''' That's Maggie.

'''Julie:''' Chris, can you guess what my favorite impression is?

'''Chris:''' Uhh- [[Donald Duck impersonation|Donald Duck]]?

'''Julie:''' That's a good one but... that's not my favorite!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [[wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]]?

'''Julie:''' A-hah! That's the one.

'''Chris:''' [''Chris does a poor Uncle Ruckus impression''] [''inaudible'']- them God-damn [[Don't_Trust_Any_Homos_Over_There|new niggers over dere]] [sic]. Now just singing a song I just made up and you sing along if you know the words. But then again how can you know the words to this song I just made up, I haven't told them to you before.

'''Julie:''' Heh. Can you sing the song later p-please?

'''Chris:''' [''horrific, off-key warbling''] Don't trust dem new niggaaas over dere! Don't trust dem new niggaaas over dere! Nooo nooo no no no no no no way no no not dem new niggas over dere!

====[[Niggos]] (00:04:50)====

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|Chris will definitely sleep with them.]]
'''Julie:''' Mmm! Oh, that's really good. Can I ask you a serious question though?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' What-What do you think about black people?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] In general a black- black people are okay and [[Surfshack Tito|they are respectable]].

'''Julie:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' [[Chris_Drops_the_N-Bomb|I have nothing against black people personally]].

'''Julie:''' Ahh.

'''Chris:''' And uh-

[''Julie cuts into Chris'']

'''Julie:''' Oh, sorry.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Julie:''' No, you go.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah well, it-it does- when it comes to the women, I-I'm... I am willing to be [[friend zone|friends]] with them, and [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|I'll sleep with them]], just like uh any [[Silvana|other woman]], but I would not want to date a black woman.

'''Julie:''' Why not?

'''Chris:''' Mm- just called me old fashioned, the way I was bought up.

'''Julie:''' Oh, a'right. Well what about um... what about Chinese?

'''Chris:''' I don't mind [[Mao|Chinese people]].

'''Julie:''' Ahh.

'''Chris:''' They're okay.

'''Julie:''' Mm.

'''Chris:''' Yeah I like [''Chris does a very poor Japanese accent''] [[anime|Japanese]] people too.

'''Julie:''' Mmm hmm, yeah.

'''Chris:''' [''Chris does a very offensive Chinese accent''] Look at me, I'm Chinese! Look at me, I'm Chinese!

'''Julie:''' Hah. Hah hah! [''audio cut''] -Japanese.

'''Chris:''' [''normal voice''] What?

'''Julie:''' Wait was that Japanese or Chinese?

'''Chris:''' [''offensive accent returns''] Yeah well no matter-ie they all speak-ie funny.

====Geography, Father Talk (00:05:55)====

'''Julie:''' Hah. Phh- bwhwa. Ah. [''suddenly serious''] Chris, do you think we could talk about your [[Bob|father]] for a bit?

'''Chris:''' Sure.

'''Julie:''' Yeah. Like, why doesn't he believe Molvanîa? It makes me really mad!

'''Chris:''' I guess just because he can't find it on the map.

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' ... for one thing. And he's traveled to uh, U- Europe at least, he's been to uh- I think it was North Korea... during the Korean war- he-[''Windows beeping''] he was in the signal corps.

'''Julie:''' Mmm.

'''Chris:''' Worked on the uh, technish-technical stuff and all that.

'''Julie:''' Mmm. Well I just thought of something- what about um-

'''Chris:''' [''soft''] What was your thought?

'''Julie:''' -do you think you could do a [[Michael Snyder|Jewish]] impersonation? I'm sorry, but could you?

'''Chris:''' Jewish impersonation...?

'''Julie:''' Yeah you know, a-an impersonation of a Jewish person.

'''Chris:''' I don't know, I guess I could uh- I guess I could imitate [[wikipedia:List_of_characters_in_Family_Guy#The_Goldmans|Mort]].

'''Julie:''' Sure!

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] [''nasally, neigh inaudible rasping, feeble attempt to imitate Mort''] [[wikipedia:Peter_Griffin|Peter]]- Peter I need to know where the bathroom is because I took an uh, dead thumb in the uh, break-van and I really gotta go [[dirty, crapped briefs|poop]].

[''Transcriber's note: Seriously, I've been over and over this, I have absolutely no idea what Chris is babbling about in the quote above since the audio quality is horrible and the terrible, offensive accent makes it almost impossible to make out. I am GUESSING that he is basing this quote on the opening scene of [[wikipedia:Road_to_Germany|Family Guy's Road to Germany]], where Mort says to Peter: "Peter! May I use your restroom? I took a laxative and a stool hardener, and urhg. They're fighting it out in there...!"'']

[[Image:Europe.png|thumb|Strange, Bob was actually serving quite near to Molvanîa.]]

'''Julie:''' Huh. Wait, I just realized- Korea isn't in Europe.

[''Windows beeping'']

'''Chris:''' [[honor roll|It isn't?]]

'''Julie:''' No, it's... it's not.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Well, maybe I'm mistaken then, but I know it's on the uhh... [[fail|west coast]] of that... area there.

'''Julie:''' Ahh.

'''Chris:''' Oh no wait- not west, east.

'''Julie:''' Yeah. Hmm.

'''Chris:''' I got- I got the left and the right mixed up.

'''Julie:''' Well it's a'right.

'''Chris:''' You know that's funny sometimes how people can get their left and their right mixed up?

'''Julie:''' Yeah. [''pause''] Wait, that's Asia. Not in Europe.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Hmm... yeah. Asia.

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' That's right.

'''Julie:''' Uh huh.

====Back to Bob. (00:07:55)====

[''pause'']

'''Julie:''' So.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Right, so we talk about B- we talk about my father.

'''Julie:''' Yeah. It's like, why is he- I-I really don't wanna be rude- but why is he so sour and everything?

'''Chris:''' Why is he so sour?

'''Julie:''' Yeah, why is he so [''beep''] sour about everything?

'''Chris:''' Uhh, just because he's old.

'''Julie:''' So he finds more ways to argue... wait, what's the expression you used?

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, he- he starts more arguments than there are flies at a garbage dump.

'''Julie:''' Yeah, you're right.

'''Chris:''' But you know uh, when he's not- when he's not picking out an argument he can be a pretty pleasant conversationalist.

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' He could be a [[Tour of Chris's House|tour guide]].

'''Julie:''' What was he doing anyway, uh- fixing a CD player?

'''Chris:''' Uh yeah he's got uh, one of the battery operated CD players we had laying around and uh... he was t- he was testing... that.

'''Julie:''' Ahh.

'''Chris:''' He asked me if I knew- if I uh knew where he could find the power cord to it, but I haven't... seen it- seen one in there.

'''Julie:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. So that's- yeah. I did tell you he worked at General Electric, designed the controls for the plastic molding machine.

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah apparently uh, he had some designs over in the- over in the uh- o-over in [''Skype noise''] -Cleveland or a nearby city, [''inaudible''] I think it was?

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Riveroma?

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Sounds like river.

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' [[wikipedia:Ain't_No_Mountain_High_Enough|I hope it's wide enough.]]

'''Julie:''' Yeah. Me too.

'''Chris:''' [[lie|I just made that up.]]

'''Julie:''' Hey Chris, what do you think about Indians?

'''Chris:''' Uhh, are you talking about uh, Native Americans or people from India?

'''Julie:''' Uhm... Native Americans. No wait- yeah, actually.

[''tape runs out'']

{{succession|label=[[BlueSpike PSN Chats]]|prevlink=[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|BlueSpike PSN Chat 3]]|nextlink=[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]|}}

==Links==
[http://www.mediafire.com/?qtn4hzwymgm Download]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category: PSN Chats]]

BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5

2010-12-09T14:31:14Z

Liquid!: /* Niggos (00:04:50) */

'''BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5''' was a continuation of the third [[PlayStation Network]] chat between "[[Julie]]" ([[BlueSpike]]) and [[Chris]], held on 18 [[February 2009]].

This chat is notable because of Chris's stunning lack of geographical knowledge, his blatant [[racism]] and for talking about his father.

==Summary==

* Chris wants to know if Julie saw ''Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist'', a romantic comedy.
* Chris reads the plot summary from the box. He wants that to be their first movie together.
* Some audio troubles.
* Chat moves into impersonations. Chris impersonates various Simpsons characters.
* Uncle Ruckus is Julie's favorite impersonation, so Chris does an impersonation as well as singing '[[Don't_Trust_Any_Homos_Over_There|Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There]]'.
* Chris is old fashioned and wouldn't date a black chick, but he definitely would fuck her.
* He doesn't mind Chinese people but likes Japanese people. Does terrible accents for them both... which are identical. He even admits as much but claims it doesn't matter since they basically speak the same.
* Julie is mad that Bob doesn't like Molvania, Chris says it's because he can't find it on a map. Bob has been to Korea (in Europe) during the Korean war in the Signal Corps.
* Julie wants a Jewish impersonation. Chris imitates Mort from Family Guy.
* Julie realizes that Korea isn't in Europe. Chris claims it's on the "west" coast of where-ever it is, then retracts that and says "east" instead.
* Julie wants to know why Bob is sour. Chris says he is old but Bob can be pleasant.
* Bob was fixing a CD player, looking for a power cord in their landfill of a house.
* Bob worked at GE, has designs in Cleveland and Riveroma.
* Chris says Riveroma sounds like a river and "hopes the river is wide enough", as per the song. He then claims he made this line up.
* Julie wants to know about Indians, but can't decide if she means Indians from India or Native Americans.

==Transcript==

====''Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist'' (00:00:00)====

[''We join Julie and Chris in medias res, carrying on their previous discussion.'']

'''Julie:''' Do you accept that though?

'''Chris:''' I accept that.

'''Julie:''' Thank you Chris, that means a lot.

'''Chris:''' 'kay.

'''Julie:''' So is there anything you want to talk about?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I dunno, uuuuhm... [''pause'']

'''Basement Rosechu:''' [''faint, in the background''] Opera!

'''Chris:''' H-Have you uh... [''pause'']

'''Julie:''' What?

'''Chris:''' Have you seen ''[[wikipedia:Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist|Nick & Norah]]''?

'''Julie:''' ''Nick & Norah''?

'''Chris:''' I- ''Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist''.

'''Julie:''' No, I haven't seen it yet.

'''Chris:''' It's a fun movie.

[''Chris and Julie talk over each other'']

'''Julie:''' Oh. What's it about?

'''Chris:''' I just watched it- I rented it.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it's basically a romantic comedy.

'''Julie:''' Mm.

'''Chris:''' Uhhh... Nick and Norah met at... uhh at a concert-type thing. And it's like they first meet as strangers, and then she- and then she finds out that he's the guy that uh, did the uh, mint CD's for... his ex. And that uh you know, her f- his ex uh, threw it in a garbage can and uh, Norah's been taking them and copying them to her iPod.

'''Julie:''' Ahh, a'right.

'''Chris:''' E-anyway, it's a fun romantic comedy.

'''Julie:''' It sound pretty good.

'''Chris:''' I'd like- uhh, if you want, that can be the first movie we share together. I can re-rent it.

'''Julie:''' Sure I would enjoy that.

'''Chris:''' A'right. Actually uh, lemme uh- uh- I'll read you the description from the back of the box here.

'''Julie:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Says here: After a chance encounterrrrr... Nick and Norah embark on a journey to New York in the rock scene on a quest to find the secret show of a legendary band and wind up finding each other. [''pause''] Stars uh, [[wikipedia:Michael Cera|Michelle Sarah]] and Kat Dennings.

'''Julie:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' There's the cover.

'''Julie:''' Oh. Cool.

'''Chris:''' That heart is in uh- is a pair of earphones.

[''audio returns to being quiet'']

'''Julie:''' I see, yeah.

[''faint sound of mouse clicking'']

'''Chris:''' [''Due to Chris's mumbling and low audio volume his precise words are inaudible, but the general gist is that he is describing the cover of the movie.''] -you can see on- on the cover here. I have a mini poster of that movie.

'''Julie:''' Oh.

[''pause, more mouse clicks'']

====Impressions (00:02:38)====

[''audio returns to normal'']

'''Julie:''' Oh. Oh. Yes..

'''Chris:''' Yeeees. [''Chris is doing a poor Mr Burns impression'']

'''Julie:''' [[wikipedia:Ned_Flanders|Indeedily, deedily, daddily, do]]?

'''Chris:''' [[wikipedia:Montgomery_Burns|Eeexcellent]].

'''Julie:''' Hah!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I gotta little thing- Mr Burns there.

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Eeexcellent.

[[Image:MargePoster.jpg|thumb|The picture of a married woman Chris is pretending to be (and faps to).]]

'''Julie:''' Oh- can you do your impersonation of [[wikipedia:Homer_Simpson|Homer]]?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] [''inaudible; very poor Homer impersonation''] -but it's okay! Doh doh doh doh!

'''Julie:''' [''pause''] Crap. Good impression!

'''Chris:''' [''high pitched screeching''] Oooh, look at me, I'm [[The_Simpsons#Marge_Poster|Marge]], I'm Homer's wife.

'''Julie:''' Huh. That's a great impression.

'''Chris:''' [''horrific sucking noise, as though Chris was enjoying a nice, healthy, 100% all meat [[pickle]]'']

'''Julie:''' Heh.

'''Chris:''' That's Maggie.

'''Julie:''' Chris, can you guess what my favorite impression is?

'''Chris:''' Uhh- [[Donald Duck impersonation|Donald Duck]]?

'''Julie:''' That's a good one but... that's not my favorite!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [[wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]]?

'''Julie:''' A-hah! That's the one.

'''Chris:''' [''Chris does a poor Uncle Ruckus impression''] [''inaudible'']- them God-damn [[Don't_Trust_Any_Homos_Over_There|new niggers over dere]] [sic]. Now just singing a song I just made up and you sing along if you know the words. But then again how can you know the words to this song I just made up, I haven't told them to you before.

'''Julie:''' Heh. Can you sing the song later p-please?

'''Chris:''' [''horrific, off-key warbling''] Don't trust dem new niggaaas over dere! Don't trust dem new niggaaas over dere! Nooo nooo no no no no no no way no no not dem new niggas over dere!

====[[Niggos]] (00:04:50)====

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|Chris will definitely sleep with them.]]
'''Julie:''' Mmm! Oh, that's really good. Can I ask you a serious question though?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' What-What do you think about black people?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] In general a black- black people are okay and [[Surfshack Tito|they are respectable]].

'''Julie:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' [[Chris_Drops_the_N-Bomb|I have nothing against black people personally]].

'''Julie:''' Ahh.

'''Chris:''' And uh-

[''Julie cuts into Chris'']

'''Julie:''' Oh, sorry.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Julie:''' No, you go.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah well, it-it does- when it comes to the women, I-I'm... I am willing to be [[friend zone|friends]] with them, and [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|I'll sleep with them]], just like uh any [[Silvana|other woman]], but I would not want to date a black woman.
[[Image:Mao Bamboo Ling.JPG||thumb|Chris, predicting his hatred of Mao in the future.]]
'''Julie:''' Why not?

'''Chris:''' Mm- just called me old fashioned, the way I was bought up.

'''Julie:''' Oh, a'right. Well what about um... what about Chinese?

'''Chris:''' I don't mind [[Mao|Chinese people]].

'''Julie:''' Ahh.

'''Chris:''' They're okay.

'''Julie:''' Mm.

'''Chris:''' Yeah I like [''Chris does a very poor Japanese accent''] [[anime|Japanese]] people too.

'''Julie:''' Mmm hmm, yeah.

'''Chris:''' [''Chris does a very offensive Chinese accent''] Look at me, I'm Chinese! Look at me, I'm Chinese!

'''Julie:''' Hah. Hah hah! [''audio cut''] -Japanese.

'''Chris:''' [''normal voice''] What?

'''Julie:''' Wait was that Japanese or Chinese?

'''Chris:''' [''offensive accent returns''] Yeah well no matter-ie they all speak-ie funny.

====Geography, Father Talk (00:05:55)====

'''Julie:''' Hah. Phh- bwhwa. Ah. [''suddenly serious''] Chris, do you think we could talk about your [[Bob|father]] for a bit?

'''Chris:''' Sure.

'''Julie:''' Yeah. Like, why doesn't he believe Molvanîa? It makes me really mad!

'''Chris:''' I guess just because he can't find it on the map.

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' ... for one thing. And he's traveled to uh, U- Europe at least, he's been to uh- I think it was North Korea... during the Korean war- he-[''Windows beeping''] he was in the signal corps.

'''Julie:''' Mmm.

'''Chris:''' Worked on the uh, technish-technical stuff and all that.

'''Julie:''' Mmm. Well I just thought of something- what about um-

'''Chris:''' [''soft''] What was your thought?

'''Julie:''' -do you think you could do a [[Michael Snyder|Jewish]] impersonation? I'm sorry, but could you?

'''Chris:''' Jewish impersonation...?

'''Julie:''' Yeah you know, a-an impersonation of a Jewish person.

'''Chris:''' I don't know, I guess I could uh- I guess I could imitate [[wikipedia:List_of_characters_in_Family_Guy#The_Goldmans|Mort]].

'''Julie:''' Sure!

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] [''nasally, neigh inaudible rasping, feeble attempt to imitate Mort''] [[wikipedia:Peter_Griffin|Peter]]- Peter I need to know where the bathroom is because I took an uh, dead thumb in the uh, break-van and I really gotta go [[dirty, crapped briefs|poop]].

[''Transcriber's note: Seriously, I've been over and over this, I have absolutely no idea what Chris is babbling about in the quote above since the audio quality is horrible and the terrible, offensive accent makes it almost impossible to make out. I am GUESSING that he is basing this quote on the opening scene of [[wikipedia:Road_to_Germany|Family Guy's Road to Germany]], where Mort says to Peter: "Peter! May I use your restroom? I took a laxative and a stool hardener, and urhg. They're fighting it out in there...!"'']

[[Image:Europe.png|thumb|Strange, Bob was actually serving quite near to Molvanîa.]]

'''Julie:''' Huh. Wait, I just realized- Korea isn't in Europe.

[''Windows beeping'']

'''Chris:''' [[honor roll|It isn't?]]

'''Julie:''' No, it's... it's not.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Well, maybe I'm mistaken then, but I know it's on the uhh... [[fail|west coast]] of that... area there.

'''Julie:''' Ahh.

'''Chris:''' Oh no wait- not west, east.

'''Julie:''' Yeah. Hmm.

'''Chris:''' I got- I got the left and the right mixed up.

'''Julie:''' Well it's a'right.

'''Chris:''' You know that's funny sometimes how people can get their left and their right mixed up?

'''Julie:''' Yeah. [''pause''] Wait, that's Asia. Not in Europe.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Hmm... yeah. Asia.

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' That's right.

'''Julie:''' Uh huh.

====Back to Bob. (00:07:55)====

[''pause'']

'''Julie:''' So.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Right, so we talk about B- we talk about my father.

'''Julie:''' Yeah. It's like, why is he- I-I really don't wanna be rude- but why is he so sour and everything?

'''Chris:''' Why is he so sour?

'''Julie:''' Yeah, why is he so [''beep''] sour about everything?

'''Chris:''' Uhh, just because he's old.

'''Julie:''' So he finds more ways to argue... wait, what's the expression you used?

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, he- he starts more arguments than there are flies at a garbage dump.

'''Julie:''' Yeah, you're right.

'''Chris:''' But you know uh, when he's not- when he's not picking out an argument he can be a pretty pleasant conversationalist.

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' He could be a [[Tour of Chris's House|tour guide]].

'''Julie:''' What was he doing anyway, uh- fixing a CD player?

'''Chris:''' Uh yeah he's got uh, one of the battery operated CD players we had laying around and uh... he was t- he was testing... that.

'''Julie:''' Ahh.

'''Chris:''' He asked me if I knew- if I uh knew where he could find the power cord to it, but I haven't... seen it- seen one in there.

'''Julie:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. So that's- yeah. I did tell you he worked at General Electric, designed the controls for the plastic molding machine.

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah apparently uh, he had some designs over in the- over in the uh- o-over in [''Skype noise''] -Cleveland or a nearby city, [''inaudible''] I think it was?

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Riveroma?

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Sounds like river.

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' [[wikipedia:Ain't_No_Mountain_High_Enough|I hope it's wide enough.]]

'''Julie:''' Yeah. Me too.

'''Chris:''' [[lie|I just made that up.]]

'''Julie:''' Hey Chris, what do you think about Indians?

'''Chris:''' Uhh, are you talking about uh, Native Americans or people from India?

'''Julie:''' Uhm... Native Americans. No wait- yeah, actually.

[''tape runs out'']

{{succession|label=[[BlueSpike PSN Chats]]|prevlink=[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|BlueSpike PSN Chat 3]]|nextlink=[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]|}}

==Links==
[http://www.mediafire.com/?qtn4hzwymgm Download]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category: PSN Chats]]

BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5

2010-12-09T14:28:38Z

Liquid!: /* Summary */

'''BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5''' was a continuation of the third [[PlayStation Network]] chat between "[[Julie]]" ([[BlueSpike]]) and [[Chris]], held on 18 [[February 2009]].

This chat is notable because of Chris's stunning lack of geographical knowledge, his blatant [[racism]] and for talking about his father.

==Summary==

* Chris wants to know if Julie saw ''Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist'', a romantic comedy.
* Chris reads the plot summary from the box. He wants that to be their first movie together.
* Some audio troubles.
* Chat moves into impersonations. Chris impersonates various Simpsons characters.
* Uncle Ruckus is Julie's favorite impersonation, so Chris does an impersonation as well as singing '[[Don't_Trust_Any_Homos_Over_There|Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There]]'.
* Chris is old fashioned and wouldn't date a black chick, but he definitely would fuck her.
* He doesn't mind Chinese people but likes Japanese people. Does terrible accents for them both... which are identical. He even admits as much but claims it doesn't matter since they basically speak the same.
* Julie is mad that Bob doesn't like Molvania, Chris says it's because he can't find it on a map. Bob has been to Korea (in Europe) during the Korean war in the Signal Corps.
* Julie wants a Jewish impersonation. Chris imitates Mort from Family Guy.
* Julie realizes that Korea isn't in Europe. Chris claims it's on the "west" coast of where-ever it is, then retracts that and says "east" instead.
* Julie wants to know why Bob is sour. Chris says he is old but Bob can be pleasant.
* Bob was fixing a CD player, looking for a power cord in their landfill of a house.
* Bob worked at GE, has designs in Cleveland and Riveroma.
* Chris says Riveroma sounds like a river and "hopes the river is wide enough", as per the song. He then claims he made this line up.
* Julie wants to know about Indians, but can't decide if she means Indians from India or Native Americans.

==Transcript==

====''Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist'' (00:00:00)====

[''We join Julie and Chris in medias res, carrying on their previous discussion.'']

'''Julie:''' Do you accept that though?

'''Chris:''' I accept that.

'''Julie:''' Thank you Chris, that means a lot.

'''Chris:''' 'kay.

'''Julie:''' So is there anything you want to talk about?

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I dunno, uuuuhm... [''pause'']

'''Basement Rosechu:''' [''faint, in the background''] Opera!

'''Chris:''' H-Have you uh... [''pause'']

'''Julie:''' What?

'''Chris:''' Have you seen ''[[wikipedia:Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist|Nick & Norah]]''?

'''Julie:''' ''Nick & Norah''?

'''Chris:''' I- ''Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist''.

'''Julie:''' No, I haven't seen it yet.

'''Chris:''' It's a fun movie.

[''Chris and Julie talk over each other'']

'''Julie:''' Oh. What's it about?

'''Chris:''' I just watched it- I rented it.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Yeah, it's basically a romantic comedy.

'''Julie:''' Mm.

'''Chris:''' Uhhh... Nick and Norah met at... uhh at a concert-type thing. And it's like they first meet as strangers, and then she- and then she finds out that he's the guy that uh, did the uh, mint CD's for... his ex. And that uh you know, her f- his ex uh, threw it in a garbage can and uh, Norah's been taking them and copying them to her iPod.

'''Julie:''' Ahh, a'right.

'''Chris:''' E-anyway, it's a fun romantic comedy.

'''Julie:''' It sound pretty good.

'''Chris:''' I'd like- uhh, if you want, that can be the first movie we share together. I can re-rent it.

'''Julie:''' Sure I would enjoy that.

'''Chris:''' A'right. Actually uh, lemme uh- uh- I'll read you the description from the back of the box here.

'''Julie:''' Okay.

'''Chris:''' Says here: After a chance encounterrrrr... Nick and Norah embark on a journey to New York in the rock scene on a quest to find the secret show of a legendary band and wind up finding each other. [''pause''] Stars uh, [[wikipedia:Michael Cera|Michelle Sarah]] and Kat Dennings.

'''Julie:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' There's the cover.

'''Julie:''' Oh. Cool.

'''Chris:''' That heart is in uh- is a pair of earphones.

[''audio returns to being quiet'']

'''Julie:''' I see, yeah.

[''faint sound of mouse clicking'']

'''Chris:''' [''Due to Chris's mumbling and low audio volume his precise words are inaudible, but the general gist is that he is describing the cover of the movie.''] -you can see on- on the cover here. I have a mini poster of that movie.

'''Julie:''' Oh.

[''pause, more mouse clicks'']

====Impressions (00:02:38)====

[''audio returns to normal'']

'''Julie:''' Oh. Oh. Yes..

'''Chris:''' Yeeees. [''Chris is doing a poor Mr Burns impression'']

'''Julie:''' [[wikipedia:Ned_Flanders|Indeedily, deedily, daddily, do]]?

'''Chris:''' [[wikipedia:Montgomery_Burns|Eeexcellent]].

'''Julie:''' Hah!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' I gotta little thing- Mr Burns there.

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Eeexcellent.

[[Image:MargePoster.jpg|thumb|The picture of a married woman Chris is pretending to be (and faps to).]]

'''Julie:''' Oh- can you do your impersonation of [[wikipedia:Homer_Simpson|Homer]]?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] [''inaudible; very poor Homer impersonation''] -but it's okay! Doh doh doh doh!

'''Julie:''' [''pause''] Crap. Good impression!

'''Chris:''' [''high pitched screeching''] Oooh, look at me, I'm [[The_Simpsons#Marge_Poster|Marge]], I'm Homer's wife.

'''Julie:''' Huh. That's a great impression.

'''Chris:''' [''horrific sucking noise, as though Chris was enjoying a nice, healthy, 100% all meat [[pickle]]'']

'''Julie:''' Heh.

'''Chris:''' That's Maggie.

'''Julie:''' Chris, can you guess what my favorite impression is?

'''Chris:''' Uhh- [[Donald Duck impersonation|Donald Duck]]?

'''Julie:''' That's a good one but... that's not my favorite!

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' [[wikipedia:Uncle Ruckus|Uncle Ruckus]]?

'''Julie:''' A-hah! That's the one.

'''Chris:''' [''Chris does a poor Uncle Ruckus impression''] [''inaudible'']- them God-damn [[Don't_Trust_Any_Homos_Over_There|new niggers over dere]] [sic]. Now just singing a song I just made up and you sing along if you know the words. But then again how can you know the words to this song I just made up, I haven't told them to you before.

'''Julie:''' Heh. Can you sing the song later p-please?

'''Chris:''' [''horrific, off-key warbling''] Don't trust dem new niggaaas over dere! Don't trust dem new niggaaas over dere! Nooo nooo no no no no no no way no no not dem new niggas over dere!

====[[Niggos]] (00:04:50)====

[[Image:CWCRockin4Way.jpg|thumb|Chris will definitely sleep with them.]]
'''Julie:''' Mmm! Oh, that's really good. Can I ask you a serious question though?

'''Chris:''' Yeah.

'''Julie:''' What-What do you think about black people?

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] In general a black- black people are okay and [[Surfshack Tito|they are respectable]].

'''Julie:''' Yeah!

'''Chris:''' [[Chris_Drops_the_N-Bomb|I have nothing against black people personally]].

'''Julie:''' Ahh.

'''Chris:''' And uh-

[''Julie cuts into Chris'']

'''Julie:''' Oh, sorry.

'''Chris:''' I'm sorry.

'''Julie:''' No, you go.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Yeah well, it-it does- when it comes to the women, I-I'm... I am willing to be [[friend zone|friends]] with them, and [[CWCRockin4Way.jpg|I'll sleep with them]], just like uh any [[Silvana|other woman]], but I would not want to date a black woman.
[[Image:Mao Bamboo Ling.JPG||thumb|Chris, predicting his hatred of Mao in the future.]]
'''Julie:''' Why not?

'''Chris:''' Mm- just called me old fashioned, the way I was bought up.

'''Julie:''' Oh, a'right. Well what about um... what about Chinese?

'''Chris:''' I don't like [[mao|Chinese people]].

'''Julie:''' Ahh.

'''Chris:''' They're okay.

'''Julie:''' Mm.

'''Chris:''' Yeah I like [''Chris does a very poor Japanese accent''] [[anime|Japanese]] people too.

'''Julie:''' Mmm hmm, yeah.

'''Chris:''' [''Chris does a very offensive Chinese accent''] Look at me, I'm Chinese! Look at me, I'm Chinese!

'''Julie:''' Hah. Hah hah! [''audio cut''] -Japanese.

'''Chris:''' [''normal voice''] What?

'''Julie:''' Wait was that Japanese or Chinese?

'''Chris:''' [''offensive accent returns''] Yeah well no matter-ie they all speak-ie funny.

====Geography, Father Talk (00:05:55)====

'''Julie:''' Hah. Phh- bwhwa. Ah. [''suddenly serious''] Chris, do you think we could talk about your [[Bob|father]] for a bit?

'''Chris:''' Sure.

'''Julie:''' Yeah. Like, why doesn't he believe Molvanîa? It makes me really mad!

'''Chris:''' I guess just because he can't find it on the map.

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' ... for one thing. And he's traveled to uh, U- Europe at least, he's been to uh- I think it was North Korea... during the Korean war- he-[''Windows beeping''] he was in the signal corps.

'''Julie:''' Mmm.

'''Chris:''' Worked on the uh, technish-technical stuff and all that.

'''Julie:''' Mmm. Well I just thought of something- what about um-

'''Chris:''' [''soft''] What was your thought?

'''Julie:''' -do you think you could do a [[Michael Snyder|Jewish]] impersonation? I'm sorry, but could you?

'''Chris:''' Jewish impersonation...?

'''Julie:''' Yeah you know, a-an impersonation of a Jewish person.

'''Chris:''' I don't know, I guess I could uh- I guess I could imitate [[wikipedia:List_of_characters_in_Family_Guy#The_Goldmans|Mort]].

'''Julie:''' Sure!

'''Chris:''' [''pause''] [''nasally, neigh inaudible rasping, feeble attempt to imitate Mort''] [[wikipedia:Peter_Griffin|Peter]]- Peter I need to know where the bathroom is because I took an uh, dead thumb in the uh, break-van and I really gotta go [[dirty, crapped briefs|poop]].

[''Transcriber's note: Seriously, I've been over and over this, I have absolutely no idea what Chris is babbling about in the quote above since the audio quality is horrible and the terrible, offensive accent makes it almost impossible to make out. I am GUESSING that he is basing this quote on the opening scene of [[wikipedia:Road_to_Germany|Family Guy's Road to Germany]], where Mort says to Peter: "Peter! May I use your restroom? I took a laxative and a stool hardener, and urhg. They're fighting it out in there...!"'']

[[Image:Europe.png|thumb|Strange, Bob was actually serving quite near to Molvanîa.]]

'''Julie:''' Huh. Wait, I just realized- Korea isn't in Europe.

[''Windows beeping'']

'''Chris:''' [[honor roll|It isn't?]]

'''Julie:''' No, it's... it's not.

'''Chris:''' Hmm. Well, maybe I'm mistaken then, but I know it's on the uhh... [[fail|west coast]] of that... area there.

'''Julie:''' Ahh.

'''Chris:''' Oh no wait- not west, east.

'''Julie:''' Yeah. Hmm.

'''Chris:''' I got- I got the left and the right mixed up.

'''Julie:''' Well it's a'right.

'''Chris:''' You know that's funny sometimes how people can get their left and their right mixed up?

'''Julie:''' Yeah. [''pause''] Wait, that's Asia. Not in Europe.

'''Chris:''' Okay. Hmm... yeah. Asia.

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' That's right.

'''Julie:''' Uh huh.

====Back to Bob. (00:07:55)====

[''pause'']

'''Julie:''' So.

[''pause'']

'''Chris:''' Right, so we talk about B- we talk about my father.

'''Julie:''' Yeah. It's like, why is he- I-I really don't wanna be rude- but why is he so sour and everything?

'''Chris:''' Why is he so sour?

'''Julie:''' Yeah, why is he so [''beep''] sour about everything?

'''Chris:''' Uhh, just because he's old.

'''Julie:''' So he finds more ways to argue... wait, what's the expression you used?

'''Chris:''' Oh yeah, he- he starts more arguments than there are flies at a garbage dump.

'''Julie:''' Yeah, you're right.

'''Chris:''' But you know uh, when he's not- when he's not picking out an argument he can be a pretty pleasant conversationalist.

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' He could be a [[Tour of Chris's House|tour guide]].

'''Julie:''' What was he doing anyway, uh- fixing a CD player?

'''Chris:''' Uh yeah he's got uh, one of the battery operated CD players we had laying around and uh... he was t- he was testing... that.

'''Julie:''' Ahh.

'''Chris:''' He asked me if I knew- if I uh knew where he could find the power cord to it, but I haven't... seen it- seen one in there.

'''Julie:''' Oh.

'''Chris:''' Mmm. So that's- yeah. I did tell you he worked at General Electric, designed the controls for the plastic molding machine.

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Yeah apparently uh, he had some designs over in the- over in the uh- o-over in [''Skype noise''] -Cleveland or a nearby city, [''inaudible''] I think it was?

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Riveroma?

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' Sounds like river.

'''Julie:''' Yeah.

'''Chris:''' [[wikipedia:Ain't_No_Mountain_High_Enough|I hope it's wide enough.]]

'''Julie:''' Yeah. Me too.

'''Chris:''' [[lie|I just made that up.]]

'''Julie:''' Hey Chris, what do you think about Indians?

'''Chris:''' Uhh, are you talking about uh, Native Americans or people from India?

'''Julie:''' Uhm... Native Americans. No wait- yeah, actually.

[''tape runs out'']

{{succession|label=[[BlueSpike PSN Chats]]|prevlink=[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3|BlueSpike PSN Chat 3]]|nextlink=[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]|}}

==Links==
[http://www.mediafire.com/?qtn4hzwymgm Download]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category: PSN Chats]]

Duck

2010-12-09T14:27:42Z

Liquid!:

{{Honest}}

[[Image:SchuComicSP3P5.jpg|thumb|right|Even in the comic, it's bent. (Maybe he traced it.)]]

[[Image:Loch Ness.jpg|thumb|right|180px|Indeed a monster.]]

{{quote|ChrisChanSonichu (12:20:19 AM): sorry, it is limp.|Chris, on his duck.<ref>[[Vanessa IRC Chat 3]]</ref>}}

{{quote|MY DUCK HUNGERS FOR [[china|TOM-TOM]] TO POUND!!!!!|Chris, [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]]}}

'''Duck''' is a [[CWC-ism]] for penis, usually in the context of [[Chris]]'s own penis. (The genitalia of other males, and [[Silvana|those of Rosechus]], are [[pickles]].) This neologism was originally thought to be a misspelling of "dick", but Chris confirmed in a 17 [[February 2009]] [[Mumble]] chat<ref>[[Mumble 8]]</ref> that it is an intentional euphemism.

Chris's penis is bent at a horrifying 45° angle. When asked why it is bent, he replied, "it's been that way."{{cite}} Some speculate that Chris has [[Wikipedia:Peyronie's disease|Peyronie's disease]], or he did it to himself by [[mass debating]] improperly, what's known medically as a [[Wikipedia:Fractured penis|fractured penis]]. In any case, [[sex]] would be a painful experience for him.

Chris has used [[Wikipedia:ExtenZe|ExtenZe]], a supplement advertised to enlarge penises, but he said it didn't work.<ref>[[IRC (03 January 2009)]]</ref> He proudly claims his penis is six inches (15 cm) long;<ref>[[Chris humps his PS3]]</ref> however, this appears highly unlikely (even if he measured both segments). From the looks of it, especially with the bend, Chris's cock is smaller than average.

Knowing that Chris is a pathological liar, he's probably just trying to impress "da ladiez," and is overcompensating. On the off-chance that Chris is indeed not lying, he still proves that having a big penis isn't everything.

Chris at least understands that his cock is of no more than average size, and apparently regrets this fact. In an [[:File:Evan_responds_to_his_death.png|e-mail]] to [[Evan]] during their feud over [[Simonla Rosechu]], he took off on a peculiar tangent about penis length: "There ARE those with dicks longer than 7 inches; yes I am jealous of those individuals, not just you."

Many of his nude photos show that Chris shaves most of his pubic hair. While this sometimes has the effect of making the penis seem more prominent, in Chris's case it just exposes even more ghostly pale skin.

Another layer of creepiness is that although Chris likely doesn't know this, ducks commit rape quite often. Likewise, homosexual behaviour is also quite common among male ducks, [http://www.nmr.nl/nmr/pages/showPage.do?instanceid=16&itemid=1930&style=default up to and including lengthy acts of homosexual necrophilia after attempted rape].

==References by Chris==
[[Image:1256079873949.jpg|thumb|Anatomical analysis of the duck.]]
*One of the annotations from [[I Am The TRUE, Original Christopher Christian Weston Chandler; No Ifs, Ands or Buts]] is "MY DUCK HUNGERS FOR TOM-TOM TO POUND!!!!!"
*In his final [[SingStar_Challenge#Video_11|SingStar Challenge]] song, "Smell Yo Dick" (as chosen by [[CChanSonichuCWC]]), he attempts to circumvent his own rules about not changing lyrics by saying ''duck'' instead of ''dick.''
*Chris occasionally forgoes substituting the word "duck" for "dick" when he is talking dirty with a gal-pal (such as in one of the [[Kacey]] chats) or angry (in one of the [[White Knight emails]], he referred to how trolls made fanart featuring [[Rosechu]] with "an UNNATURAL, UNREQUIRED, DISGUSTING, DICK!!!!!!!")
*In an [[IRC (24 October 2008)|IRC chat]] from October 2008, Chris said, concerning [[Jimmy Hill]], "I hope he loses his duck." This is an unusual example of Chris using "duck" to refer to a penis not his own.

==Sauces==
<references />

==See Also==
* [[Pickle]]
* [[Comeuppance]]
* [[Mass Debate]]
{{CWC-isms}}
[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Talk:BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5

2010-12-09T14:25:27Z

Liquid!: /* Chinese People */

Wow; this hasn't been transcribed yet? I'm adding it to my list. I need a break from Mumble anyway- Mumble 6 is feaking terrible. -[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 04:15, 30 April 2010 (UTC)

DONE. To be honest, the transcripts of Julie and Chris are both easy and fun to transcribe. If I find any more, I am leaping on them like Chris onto a drunk cheerleader. -[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 10:45, 30 April 2010 (UTC)

== Chinese People ==

He actually says "I don't MIND Chinese people", I just spent hours studying it in the lab and I'm positive that's what he says. It'd probably just confuse things by changing it now because his racism is mentioned on other pages, and he definitely IS a racist, but I think it's worth pointing out that he didn't really say "I don't like Chinese people". Whatever. [[User:Acousticvirgin|Acousticvirgin]] 14:11, 1 December 2010 (PST)
* I've said this several times too, but it falls on deaf ears and it gets changed back. - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 06:25, 9 December 2010 (PST)

Talk:Duck

2010-12-09T13:52:50Z

Liquid!: /* Still relevant? */ new section

Judging by the photos, I see a case of Peyronie's disease. [[User:BubblegumPinkButler|BubblegumPinkButler]] 06:12, 27 April 2009 (CEST)

It could also be a case of a broken penis; a blunt force injury to an erection. Judging from what the family finances seem to be, it could be that they just couldn't afford the surgery to fix it.--[[User:LizardPie|LizardPie]] 09:53, 12 May 2009 (CEST)

Maybe the ExtenZe has something to do with the whacked-out shape? It might exacerbate the problem at least. Jesus on the Christ River, that's a horrifying penis. [[User:Ensign disposable|Ensign disposable]] 04:30, 1 July 2009 (CEST)

I can agree to the Peyronie's explanation. Barbara and Bob were in their 40's and 60's (respectively) when Chris was born. Having a child at such a late age puts them at risk for a multitude of diseases and disorders. This could be the cause of the many syndromes and diseases that trols have diagnosed Chris with. --[[User:Howsyourham|Howsyourham]] 19:43, 12 July 2009 (CEST)

A botched circumcision may also lead to a bent penis, among other disfigurements. [[User:V3N0M1300|V3N0M1300]] 06:08, 13 August 2009 (CEST)

==Merge==
I suggest we merge Duck and Pickle into Penis. All of the CWCisms for [[China]] are on the same page. --[[User:Megaman|''Megaman!'' ]] [[Image:MegaManXRunning.gif]] 15:15, 29 July 2009 (CEST)
*Yes, they are both terms for penises but they're both distinct as well. Pickle has a rich history and is typically associated to penises drawn on his female characters while duck tends to be in reference to his own genitalia. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 23:36, 30 July 2009 (CEST)

:*In other words, it's advisable to keep the two pages separate. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 23:36, 30 July 2009 (CEST)

*Furthermore, the case with "china" is that the CWC-isms for "china" are isolated instances (one reference to "vaginatables" and one instance to "tom tom") that they really don't warrant their own pages. China only gets its own page because of the classic "DYKES DYKES CHINA!" and because it's been discussed in [[Sonichu 8]] that the Rosechu's genitalia is also known as a "china." The term "pickles" however, has frequent use and Chris seems to have a phobia of even pickles on his food (see episode 2 from [[Sonichu 0]] where Sonichu says how he hates pickles) and the receipt from when he went to visit Julie and ordered his food with no pickles, though he's also used "duck" several times in reference to his own genitalia, such as "MY DUCK HUNGERS FOR TOM-TOM TO POUND!!!!"

:So yeah, they really shouldn't be merged. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:53, 3 August 2009 (CEST)

Does he use the term "duck" in reference to his own "pickle"? It seems that way.

*Yeah, it seems that he's used "duck" only in reference to his own penis. That and/or the whole "pickle" meme from trolls (ex. drawing actual pickles on Rosechu) has caused Chris to hate pickles so much, he is afraid of even saying the world. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 23:36, 30 July 2009 (CEST)
:*Pickle and duck have both gained quite some cult-status separately from eachother. They also refer to different things. Also, they are different words in the CWCism-glossary. So I guess it shouldn't be too much of a problem to keep them as two different articles... [[User:RachmaninovDESU|RachmaninovDESU]] 02:54, 12 August 2009 (CEST)

==This page is getting convaluted==

We should probably stop with the extra pictures and quotes until the article is longer. --[[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 22:16, 20 March 2010 (UTC)

== Duck.jpg ==

I propose the removal of Duck.jpg [http://cogsdev.org/cwcki/File:Duck.jpg] because it isn't a fact. The peanut butter on the dick myth arose from a retard on ED [http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Talk:Chris-chan/Archive9#CHRIS_.28doesn.27t.29_COVER_HIS_DUCK_IN_PEANUT_BUTTER] who faked a conversation with Chris. [[User:CrassCrab|CrassCrab]] 19:26, 16 July 2010 (UTC)

I think it should be removed but another thing that bugs me about this page is the Pic of Chris bent duck I know this page is meant for it but I just think its a eye sore, so would it be alright if it were put in box like the other pic of Chris's duck on the [[Sex]] page?--[[User:Kota88|Kota88]] 14:59, 28 July 2010 (UTC)
*I'm pretty sure it already was on the Sex page, but I had it removed from there already (See the talk page, my old username was Thelieisacake). Based on the discussion we had there, I think it's safe to say that nobody will complain if it's removed from here as well. I'll do it now. [[User:Freecell|Freecell]] 15:38, 28 July 2010 (UTC)

== Still relevant? ==

Has Chris even said 'duck' since [[Julie]]? - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 05:52, 9 December 2010 (PST)

User:Liquid!

2010-12-06T01:26:24Z

Liquid!:

User:Liquid!

2010-12-05T19:09:38Z

Liquid!:

The Incredible Lioness

2010-11-21T00:41:39Z

Liquid!:

{{merge|Rosechu}}

[[Image:RosechuTheIncredibleLioness.jpg|thumb|This is what Chris actually believes feminism is.]]

{{quote|When feeling the [[Chris and Anger|MOST Enraged]], MOST Distraught, MOST Stressed Out beyond Belief, Rosechu will recollect why she is feeling this way, then she will transform into The Incredible Lioness|[[Cwcipedia]] article, looks like Chris has made a decent character who reflects on the world around them}}
{{quote|If her clothes are not nearby when she is fully recovered and rested, the poor woman will have to rush home as quickly as possible to clean up and put on clean clothes, or find some kind of material to make a set of makeshift clothes for the trek back home. |same paragraph, looks like Chris has made another [[rule 34]]}}

'''The Incredible Lioness''' is the horrible monstrosity that [[Rosechu]] transforms into in [[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]] to facerape the comic incarnation of [[Jason Kendrick Howell]]. Little information is given in the comic itself, but Chris gives further details on the [[CWCipedia]]. Seemingly analogous to [[Ultra Sonichu]], rather than gaining power from exposure to [[Sonichu Balls|Chaotic Crystals]], Rosechu simply gains tremendous strength through [[stress]], closer to [[Things Chris has Ripped Off|The Incredible Hulk]] than anything else. Because she's a [[women's rights|woman]] she can't control herself when she gets into a rage, and the only way to calm her is to tell her that she's pretty, or whatever bullshit Chris means by "make amends with deepest apologies, heavy flattery, and promising to do as she wishes".<ref>[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu#.28Temporary_Transformation.29_The_Incredible_Lioness CWCipedia - The Incredible Lioness]</ref> This does not happen in her sole appearance in the comic, where she calms down immediately after her attempt at mutilation and murder. The process also completely destroys her clothes, and she has to have the foresight to know she's about to go into a blind, unstoppable rage and remove the clothing, or just put on some makeshift clothes later to compensate. How and why her clothes are destroyed isn't clear; Rosechu removes her clothing herself the one time she transforms, but there's no evidence to suggest she grew larger or otherwise went through some sort of transformation that would have damaged her clothes in any significant way. As well, the fact that she ''needs'' clothes is a bit of an odd point, since several of the Rosechus never wear more than shoes, so a lack of clothing hardly seems to be an issue for the species.

Chris also clarifies that only the True and Original Rosechu can transform, meaning if [[Bubbles]] gets really pissed at someone, she's just shit out of luck. One could argue that this is due to Rosechu's parentage; according to Chris, she was sired by [[Wikipedia:Luxray|Luxray]], a lion-esque type of [[Pokémon]]. Since this makes sense, it's highly unlikely that it was ever intended by him.

As you may have guessed, Chris created the Incredible Lioness in an attempt to show his support for [[Women's rights]].

[[Image:TILCircus.jpg|thumb|Roll up! Roll up!]]

==[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]==

In the climax of [[Episode 17]]: ''Rage Against The Garbage'', Rosechu and [[Sonichu]] travel to Floor 66+6 of [[4-cent_garbage.com]] to confront [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] about the [[ED]] page. Their main concern is the [[troll]] fan art of Rosechu with a [[duck]], which Sonichu innocently interprets as a simple misunderstanding. Jason outright refuses to take down the ED page, and throws Sonichu to the floor. But this is not what triggers Rosechu's transformation, oh no. As the pair leave, having failed in their quest, Jason has the audacity to throw a [[pickle]] at Rosechu.

It strikes her, dead-center, on the back of the head. She picks it up and crushes it in a fist, as her mind fills with thoughts of violence and bizarrely ominous feminist diatribes, glorifying the creative power of the ovary. In spite of this supposed respect for the female being, Rosechu goes on to strip completely naked, exposing her breasts and vagina. (This is meant to be a children's comic, people.) At this point, she becomes The Incredible Lioness.

The Lioness leaps at Jason with murder in her red eyes. In what may be the most hideously explicit violence in [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu]] [[Sonichu 10|up to that point]], she wraps her legs around his head, so that her [[China|vagina]] is pressed against his face. Then she tears a rip across his scalp, and bites down. In moments, Jason is near death (although dark forces keep him alive). As Rosechu reverts to standard form, she is close to fainting.

==References==
<references />

==See also==

*[[Rosechu]]
*[[Vamprosa]]
*[[Women's rights]]
*[[Sonichu 8|''Sonichu'' #8]]
*[http://archive.cogsdev.org/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Rosechu#.28Temporary_Transformation.29_The_Incredible_Lioness The Incredible Lioness' original article on the CWCipedia]
{{Template:Sonichu}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Incredible Lioness}}
[[Category:Characters]]

Pickle

2010-11-21T00:23:31Z

Liquid!: /* References to pickles */

{{Honest}}
[[Image:Chrisreply3.PNG|center]]

<div style="position:fixed; bottom:0; right:0">[[Image: PickleGIFImage.gif|100px]] </div>

{{quote|[[stress sigh|Sigh,]] can we not talk about pickles, please?|[[Chris]] - [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]]}}
[[Image:201-SchuAqua.jpg|thumb|Pickles are Sonichu's greatest enemy. Also, look at how Chris spells Sbarro.]]

'''Pickle''' is one of [[Chris]]'s euphemisms for "penis," typically in the context of a penis other than his own. (His own penis is usually referred to as his [[duck]].) He and [[Sonichu (character)|Sonichu]] (because he's a Mary Sue) both hate penises due to Chris's intense [[Chris and Sex|sexual]] [[homos|insecurity]], to the point that they both literally hate pickled cucumbers.

Chris is easily provoked by fan art suggesting that [[Rosechu]] has a pickle, although it is difficult for him to retaliate since that would require him to actually look at the dreaded vegetable. Coincidentally, one of Chris's most notorious enemies is the "[[Man in the Pickle Suit]]" who has frequently tricked him into, among other things, releasing photos of his own pickle.

Possibly due to trollish usage of the term, Chris made fewer references to pickles in [[2009]] and even fewer afterward, though he still occasionally referred to his picklephobia in works such as [[Sonichu Special 1]].

==Pickled cucumbers==
[[Image:Nnocac.jpg|thumb|When you see it you'll shit bricks.]]

{{quote|They taste terrible, and they look like dicks; even more disgusting.|Chris, answering a troll's email regarding pickles<ref>[[Mailbag 4#Why Chris hates Pickles]]</ref>}}

Aside from his hatred of metaphorical pickles, it is also well documented that Christian has a long-standing aversion to the delicious cucumbers pickled in brine, going as far back to some of the earlier material documented in his [[scrapbook]]. Receipts from his trip to Ohio in search of [[Julie]] show that he specifically orders his fast-food hamburgers without pickles. Even the mere image of a pickle bothers him — the picklish ad banners placed on the [[CWCipedia]] in November 2009 provoked an angry response.

Whether this is because pickles remind him, even when sliced and under the bun of a sandwich, of cocks, or whether he simply has an aversion to foods with a strong taste or smell, remains to be seen. Considering his [[Chris and Health#Nutrition|diet]], pickles may simply be too much flavor for a man who has notoriously [[Family Guy|bland]] tastes to handle. [[April 16 Fetish Vids#Fanta:_Semen_Flavor|Hmm, maybe not...]]
{{clear}}

==References to pickles==
{{quote|I hate pickles.|[[Chris]] - [[Christian Weston Chandler Interview]]}}

[[Image:Rosechupickels.jpg|thumb|Rosechu brutally face-rapes [[Jason Kendrick Howell]] afterward... for throwing a pickle.]]
[[Image:Picklecat.png|thumb|left|IF I SEE ONE MORE FRICKIN' PICKLE...]]
[[Image:Freakedpickles.png|thumb|[[Adult Swim|Pickles]] is afraid of Chris.]]

Chris's virulent hatred of pickles was one of the first weaknesses discovered by [[trolls]], all the way back in the fall of 2007. When the 4chan artist [[Evan]] contacted Chris with a collection of "fan art" drawn by denizens of /v/ — in which, 4chan being 4chan, images of Rosechu with a penis figured prominently — Chris memorably replied "Rosechu IS A GIRL; SHE NEVER HAD A FREAKIN' PICKLE!!!!"

Since then, Chris has made a number of references to pickles in his comics and YouTube videos, partly on his own and partly due to trollish instigation.

* In his [[CWC "Boyfriend"]] video, Chris makes several references to pickles, albeit in the context of his enemy, the Man in the Pickle Suit.
* He also blamed the Pickle Man for his woes in his video of [[Chris Chan Update 21 October 2008|October 21 2008]].
* Towards the end of 2008, when Chris still believed that the #sonichu IRC channel was home to his TRUE and LOYAL fanbase, the channel was set up at his behest to kick any chatters who used the word "pickle."
* The "slander ray" wielded by the comic-book [[Clyde Cash]] in [[Sonichu Special 1]] resembles a pickle with a gun barrel attached to one end.
* Chris's nemesis, [[Jason Kendrick Howell]], in [[Sonichu 8]], declares "Go and play with your pickle!" before throwing a pickle at Rosechu. Her response is unwarranted to say the least.
* In [[IRC_(24_October_2008)|the 24 October 2008 IRC chat]], Chris declares his fondness for "Double Cheeseburgers ... with no dill."
* Sonichu himself has hated pickles since as far back as [[Sonichu 0]], drawn long before Chris was ever trolled through his fear of pickles. There, our hero was frozen with terror after encountering pickles while dining with Rosechu at "Burger Krunch." The panel where this took place was later re-drawn as the "Sonichu & Aqua Teens" illustration.
{{clear}}
{{incomplete}}

==See also==
[[Image:164889-ogorki.jpg|thumb|Picklechu]]
* [[Chris and Sex]]
* [[China]]
* [[Comeuppance]]
* [[Duck]]
* [[Man in the Pickle Suit]]
* [[Mass Debate]]
* [[Masturbating and squirtin']]

==Sauces==
<references/>

{{CWC-isms}}

[[Category:CWC-isms]]

Talk:Lars Call

2010-11-15T23:59:49Z

Liquid!:

==Transcription==
I'll start from 10 minutes in case anyone is working on this and hasn't mentioned it. If you're having problems getting the .wav file to play then rename it with an .mp3 extension. --[[User:Digital|Digital]] 13:23, 6 November 2010 (PDT)
:The file should open with VLC, MPC or even Windows Media Player if you're having trouble. Winamp doesn't wanna play ball. Also we'll likely have to split up the transcript over a few pages, owing to the length of the audio. --[[User:Anonymax|Anonymax]] 15:15, 6 November 2010 (PDT)
::ITunes works too. - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 15:59, 15 November 2010 (PST)
:I'll go ahead and transcript the first ten minutes then.--[[User:Joson|Joson]] 20:17, 6 November 2010 (PDT)
I thought a summary was needed, in case people didn't want to listen to the whole thing--[[User:CaseHa|CaseHa]] 16:41, 6 November 2010 (PDT)
:Jesus, ya'll could have gotten a legitimate niggo to call Chris :( [[User:Fatniggo|Fatniggo]]
:: Yeah, really. (I know, I know, not a fucking forum) --[[User:Thompson|Thompson]] 16:51, 7 November 2010 (PST)
::: HEY IF YOU KNOW, GOD DAMN IT. also, all of them didn't want to fuck it up, all two of them. -- [[User:Clydec|Clyde]] 18:43, 7 November 2010 (PST)
Ahh, so this boat thing WAS referring to model boats, not actual boats. --[[User:Xavier orona|Xavier orona]] 11:58, 8 November 2010 (PST)

I know Chris shits himself sometime towards the end but I don't know where. I'm too lazy to listen to the call again. Could someone who hasn't heard it please note it when he shits himself?--[[User:Hans Gruber|Hans Gruber]] 18:05, 9 November 2010 (PST)

Talk:Carlos Chantor

2010-11-15T19:00:15Z

Liquid!: /* Removed 'stub' template */ new section

There really should be a link to Chris's profile, if it's still up. I'm not exactly a regular on Escorts.com, so if someone could toss out a page, that'd be helpful. --[[User:Thompson|Thompson]] 17:59, 7 November 2010 (PST)
*The article says it's been deleted, but I screencapped it when the emails were leaked.- [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 10:57, 15 November 2010 (PST)

==I swear he had Watersports on his availability==
When the profile was found months before it was public today, he had almost every fetish marked except 'homosex'. I know talk is cheap, & you can't cite much on that. The most I got to prove is a few eye witnesses/this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkLsxL3ShI0 . He must've removed it ever since my call. [[User:SurfShackTito|SurfShackTito]] 02:43, 8 November 2010 (PST)

==Cheeseburger Locker ==
Should I add a picture of Randy Lahey (in his gay gigolo persona) from Trailer Park Boys? The resemblance is uncanny. --[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 07:58, 14 November 2010 (PST)
* DO IT FAGGOT
Really though, it seems like a good idea. - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 10:32, 15 November 2010 (PST)

== Removed 'stub' template ==

There's very little to say about Carlos. It's a tiny footnote in the saga of Chris, and only speculation would pad the article, IMHO. - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 11:00, 15 November 2010 (PST)

Carlos Chantor

2010-11-15T18:58:32Z

Liquid!:

{{quote|Before you contacted me again to renew our relationship, I was aiming towards selling myself out as a Male Escort to earn money. I tried applying with C-Ville's "Naughty & Nice" Escort Service; they did not take me. And I printed and discreetly passed out cards, along with posting an ad on escorts.com, under the new alias of '''"Carlos Chantor"''''(DO NOT Tell anyone else of my new alias).|Chris, [[Jackie E-mails 6]].}}

[[File:Chantor.jpg|thumb|"Experienced for Her Pleasure."]]

'''Carlos Chantor''' was Chris's alias during his short career as a male escort.

Chris came up with the alias after his first break up with his sweetheart [[Jackie]]. He tried joining with [[Charlottesville]]'s "Naughty and Nice" escort services, but after being told that there was no market for [[duck|bent]], [[autism|autistic]] [[virgin with rage|virgins with rage]], he made a profile (now deleted) at '''Escorts.com''', apparently unaware that most male prostitutes belong to a rather [[Gay|rough trade]]. Interestingly, on the Escort.com profile Chris checked that he was comfortable with every fetish available (except the ones he found too [[homosexual]]). After a [[Prank calls#Carlos Chantor Call|certain prank call inquired about watersports]] however, he quickly reverted his decision and removed watersports as a fetish. He also distributed cards promoting himself as an escort around Charlottesville. This shows once again that Chris does not care about sex as a act between two lovers but a way to lose his virginity, as well as get a quick buck.

Shockingly, no one called Chris up.

== Escorts.com profile ==

=== About Me ===

Experienced for Her Pleasure.

Hey, Ladies. I am a cool dude to hang with, and I can make you [[CWC's Message for Ivy|feel good emotionally]] and [[To Jackie, with Love.MOV|show you a fun time]]. I enjoy a lot of things; [[Megan_Emails,_Aug-Dec_2007#Megan_is_annoyed_and_creeped_out|I'll let you know when it's going too far]]. Give me [[Prank calls|a call]] to hook up (434 area code only).

=== My Details ===
[[File:CarlosChantor.jpg|right|thumb|250px|The explicit personal details of notorious womaniser, Carlos Chantor.]]
*'''Sex''': Male
*'''Date of Birth''': 2/24/[[1982]] (age 28)
*'''Orientation''': [[Homos|Straight]] Male
*'''Ethnicity''': [[Chris and race|Caucasian]]
*'''Body Type:''' [[Obesity|Average (height/weight proportional)]]
*'''Height''': 5 feet 10 inches (178 cm)
*'''Hair Color''': [[Hair|Brown]]
*'''Eye Color''': [[Heterochromia|Blue]]
*'''Smoking''': [[Tobacky|Do Not Smoke]]
*'''Drinking''': [[Alcohol|Occasionally]]
*'''Drug Use''': Never use them
*'''Language Spoken''': [[Chris and English|English]]
*'''Secondary Language''': [[Spanish]]

===My Location===

*'''Home''': [[Ruckersville, Virginia]]

===My Availability===

*'''Available as a(n)''': [[For J-R's Eyes Only.MOV|Accommodating Male]], [[Patti|Master]]/[[Julie Reveals Herself|Slave]], [[Butt garments|Model]], [[ShecameforCWC.JPG|Masseuse]], [[Chris_Sex_Videos#Chrischan_Undressing|Stripper]]/[[CWCFlyingElephants|Dancer]], [[Barbara|Escort]]
*'''Available For''': Outcall, [[14 Branchland Court|Incall]]
*'''Management''': Independent

==See also==
*[[Chris and sex]]

[[Category:Chris-chan]]
[[Category:Websites]]