CWCki - User contributions [en]

User:Llort

2010-03-11T02:58:27Z

Llort: GAME OVER

Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2010-03-11T00:47:10Z

Llort: /* Transcript */ adding the new section "Eating Spaghetti"

In [[March 2009]], [[Chris]] went on his first, and only date ever with a [[troll]] called [[Emily]]. For posterity's sake, the event was recorded, and is now presented in text format for your enjoyment, here.

The voices heard in the recording are that of an elite crack team of courageous trolls and trollettes.

==Cast==

'''Frosty:''' A whiz kid, his high-tech know-how keeps the group online.

'''Camwhore:''' "Emily's friend", her mission is to capture video of the event.

'''Emily:''' Queen of trolls, she risks both life and limb on a plunge into the heart of darkness.

'''Pickle Man:''' Brave and daring hero, he protects Emily from certain peril.

'''Chris:''' Misshapen manchild, his disgusting nature seeps into the very recording of his voice.

'''Bob:''' [[Bob|Robert Chandler]], the proud Internet lumberjack, yet also slave to the manchild.

==Transcript==

Throughout the recording, a mall full of shoppers produces a background din.

===Prelude (00:00 - 03:12)===

'''Frosty:''' Okay… lock it? 
'''Frosty:''' Okay-- 
'''Camwhore:''' Are you wearing a thong? With a-- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' That better be fuckin' ''tight''. 
'''Emily:''' It's tight. 
'''Camwhore:''' That may pop out while you're walking around, while you're like-- 
'''Emily:''' I should be like-- 
'''Camwhore:''' Or a robotic vagina. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' Say "It's my vibrator." 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' It's one of those things that you see taped to those-- those hentai-- 
'''Frosty:''' Well, the thing is, Chris-- he [unintelligible (but clearly imitating Chris's voice)] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Ungh, ungh, ungh, ungh! 
'''Emily:''' Okay, if he get's, like, ''way'' too close to me, I'm just gonna be like-- get my chair farther away. 
'''Camwhore:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' I really like your [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughs''] Maybe Barb-- Barbara can come. 
'''Emily:''' Apparently, she doesn't leave the house anymore. 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I'm just [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Frosty:''' There-- there are Barb candidates ''everywhere''. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' No, no, no, no, no, no. But-- but in all actuality, there should be no Barb; if there ''is'' Barb, I will shit myself. 
'''Emily:''' If there is Barb, we're-- we're done. 
'''Camwhore:''' We're not showing up. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' "You brought your mommy?" 
'''Emily:''' I should be like, "No – just put that shit in the bag, and we're not doing anything today." 
'''Camwhore:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' That's it. 
'''Camwhore:''' And you can call him and be like "You owe me a ''dire'' apology, and you're the… jack-off--" 
'''Emily:''' No – I'm sure I'm gonna yell at him, and make him ''cry''. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' And I'm gonna be like "Oh – I live in Clyde's playboy mansion now." [''laughs''] 
'''Frosty:''' No – even better! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [aside] I'm waiting. 
'''Camwhore:''' I'm ''part'' of Clyde's playboy mansion. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' I'm the janitor. 
[''all laugh loudly''] 
'''Emily:''' Okay – let's go see if he's there. 
'''Camwhore:''' ''You'' go see if he's there. 
'''Emily:''' ''No!'' 'Cause-- 'cause it's-- 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible (but about "a girl")] 
'''Emily:''' 'Cause I'm gonna make it like an entrance, like… ''"Hiii!"'' 
'''Pickle Man:''' Did he say where [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' No. Like, he wants to be-- he wants to meet in front of Chick-Fil-A, so… 
'''Camwhore:''' Figures! But the ''general'' idea would be you park near where you wanna… go. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' What if that [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [aside] [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' Do you see those pile of balloons right there? Swear to God: it looks like a penis. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' The balloons. Right here. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' It's a fuckin' penis. 
[pause] 
'''Camwhore:''' Nope. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' [''sighs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [''sighs''] 
[pause] 
'''Camwhore:''' There's that ugly bitch that looks like Hamster Girl… at Starbucks. 
'''Emily:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Camwhore:''' She ''looks'' like Hamster Girl. 
'''Pickle Man:''' ''Which'' one looks like Hamster Girl? 
'''Camwhore:''' Right there. The only one that you can see working? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Oh – over at Starbucks? You should see her with that hair off. 
'''Camwhore:''' No, no, no. She looks like Hamster Girl. [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm telling you: you should see her with that hair off! 
'''Camwhore:''' Oh – she don't have no hair? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Um… 
'''Camwhore:''' Oh – she has a fake-- 
'''Pickle Man:''' She has fake hair, or… she has no hair… or the hair back like this. 
'''Camwhore:''' Well, yeah – I knew that. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' I was gonna say: I don't-- I guess she dyed her hair blond. 'Cause I remember seeing her with some ugly, strange-colored hair.

===Target Acquired (03:13 - 04:43)===

'''Frosty:''' There he is! 
'''Emily:''' [startled] What? 
'''Frosty:''' [unintelligible (but about "a jacket")] 
'''Emily:''' Oh my God! 
'''Emily:''' [jokingly] Eject! Oh my God! 
'''Frosty:''' Is your [inaudible] on? [unintelligible (but clearly about "a jacket" again)] Are you ready? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I'm ready. [''laughs nervously''] This is gonna be my best acting moment ever. 
'''Pickle Man:''' He can't see my face before I suit up. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – go, like, look, 'cause he has to get down first. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Frosty:''' He'll realize later: that's what it was. 
'''Camwhore:''' I don't feel bad. 
'''Emily:''' Okay. 
'''Emily:''' Hopefully, he, like, won't come, like, around and-- [inaudibly interrupted] Huh? I don't have my phone. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' Oh my God… 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' If this goes all smoothly, I should get, like… 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] Where do I sit… to, like, watch [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Um, there's some ''benches'', like… by the tables. [abruptly] Oh! Oh! Oh, no. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Okay – there's some benches, like, ''nearby''… 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? 
'''Emily:''' Um, just sit and watch him [unintelligible] you need to go change or whatever. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. Well, I-- I started the-- I [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. I'll [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''exhales loudly''] Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Or just, like… kinda walk around and see if you can… see us.

===The Green Mile (04:44 - 05:19)===

Nothing but Emily's footfalls can be heard as she marches off to meet the manchild.

===Meet the Parent (05:20 - 07:17)===

'''Emily:''' ''Hi!'' 
'''Chris:''' Hello! Emily? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! I'm Emily. So nice to meet you! 
'''Chris:''' Hi, Emily. This is my father, Robert. 
'''Bob:''' Hello. 
'''Emily:''' Hello. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' I've started shopping a little bit. 
'''Chris:''' That's alright. 
'''Bob:''' You're from West Virgina? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… I used to live here for a while, but then, I-- 
'''Chris:''' [abruptly] Hey! 
'''Emily:''' But then, I moved to-- 
'''Chris:''' Cute hat! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I thought you might like it. 
'''Chris:''' [''laughs contentedly''] 
'''Bob:''' You go to school over there? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – University of West Virginia. My friend, uh, wanted to go to school there, and she's my best friend, so I have to… go with her everywhere! [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Bob:''' That sounds like the best way to do things! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Hey, Emily – you mind, uh, a photo of you and me together? 
'''Emily:''' Sure! 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' What are you taking? 
'''Emily:''' I'm doing journalism. 
'''Bob:''' What? 
'''Emily:''' ''Journalism.'' 
'''Bob:''' Journalism? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Ah! You wanna be a writer! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''giggles''] I did a lot-- 
'''Bob:''' He has a… [[Cole Smithey|''half-brother'']] who's-- who lives in New York City… and, uh, does ''freelance'' writing and show reviews and things… for newspapers and magazines. 
'''Emily:''' Is it-- does he love it? 
'''Bob:''' I ''guess''. 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles again''] 
'''Bob:''' I haven't talked to him in years… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I can't this dang camera to work! 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – that's-- I worked at, uh-- I'm an engineer… and engineers never learn how to spell. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' I think very logically, but I-- 
'''Chris:''' Shoot! I got bad batteries in the camera. 
'''Emily:''' [disappointed] Oh… 
'''Bob:''' If I would-- if I would ''write'' anything, half the words would be phonetically rather than the way we're… ''supposed'' to do. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Bob:''' I got along fine… writing stuff… on my ''word'' processor… when I had a ''spell'' checker. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Without that, I'm [unintelligible (but clearly self-deprecating)] [''laughs heartily''] 
'''Emily:''' Did you like doing engineering? 
'''Bob:''' Well… I-- I had a real ''u-''nique situation… 
[pause]

===Bob's Work History (07:18 - 16:58)===

'''Bob:''' Look, uh… I'm-- I'm really old. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Okay – to start with: I'm 81. And, uh, I came along ''before'' transistors. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Not-- not [unintelligible] stuff we have now, but even before ''transistors''… when we had vacuum tubes. 
'''Bob:''' I, uh… got drafted after World War II. That's how old. But, uh… then, they put me in the Signal Corps, and they knew things I didn't know. They taught me how to install valve systems and switchboards and telephone [unintelligible]. So, I found out: yeah – I'm pretty good at that. So, when I got out – 'course that was in 1947 – I found out-- now, I know that we had a deflation on our hands; I didn't know it then. 
'''Bob:''' You couldn't get a job, so, I thought "Well, I got the G.I. Bill. I'll go to school." 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – now, it's really hard to become an engineer. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – now, ya-- I, uh-- 
'''Bob:''' I went to… a state [unintelligible] college to start with, 'cause I had the philosophy that if I went to a big school I'd be just… swallowed up. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, I went to a small school and took Pre-Engineering for two years, and that was the best thing ''I'' ever did, 'cause I wound up, uh-- well, I got-- I got through my two years of Pre-Engineering in small classes. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And also, I loved music, and I was in the band and everything. And I got in the symphony orchestra… and learned a lot about music while I was up there. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I went to Auburn, and then [unintelligible] swallowed up! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Then, at that time, Auburn-- which now has what: 30,000 students, or something? Auburn had about 5,000 students. 
'''Bob:''' I got my Engineering degree. And then, when I got out, I said "Well, I'll, uh… I can do anything with relays and telephones and valve systems, and [inaudible]. I'm gonna work for Western Electric." 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' That seems logical, right? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' [suddenly offended somehow] Hey! 
'''Bob:''' Because they make, uh-- 
'''Chris:''' You-- no – you listen to my father… because he's somethin'! Because I get some of my intelligence from ''him''. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Especially my ''technological'' intelligence. 
'''Bob:''' But anyway, I, uh-- I went to work for them for 40 years, and, uh… at that point in time… 
'''Bob:''' Uh, this is even ''before'' the Atlas missile… the ICBM. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Bob:''' ''Before'' the Korean War… and, uh-- but, I-- I found out they were building ''radar'' systems. Well, that was fine, but also, they had lots of government money, so they wanted some automatic test equipment. At that time, ''nothing'' was automatic. They ''had'' none! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, that's what ''I'' went and built. [unintelligible] what I learned in the army, right? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, I started working with the first automatic test equipment that we ever made. And then, GE heard about it… and they came down to [unintelligible] in North Carolina. 
'''Bob:''' And-- so, GE came down; they offered me a job… up in upstate New York. Cold country in Utica. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Bob:''' And then, uh… I went down to build some automatic test equipment for the ICBM [unintelligible] Intercontinental Ballistic Missile. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Nobody knows how, 'cause we haven't done it before. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' We'd done some of this automatic test equipment down here. "Why don't you come up there?" "Well, okay!" 
'''Bob:''' So, I went up there for three years and helped develop the, uh, automatic…equipment… for testing the missiles, and… all the guidance systems, and things… in the [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' But-- but I got-- I was a soldier, true and tried, 'cause I was born in Texas and raised in Alabama. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I was in North Carolina first. And then, I hit upstate New York, and I froze to death. [''chuckles''] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah, that must be really different! [''laughs again''] 
'''Bob:''' Well, after three years, I said "I'm going back to somethin' [unintelligible]" Well, GE-- I didn't know it then, but I had a real, natural ''draw''… to the mountains. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And I knew about Roanoke, since I'd been in, uh, [unintelligible] So, I wanted to come back to Roanoke, and GE had plants there. 
'''Bob:''' And… they were there developing-- specializing in industrial automation. Except they didn't done any ''automation'' yet. They were just industrial-controlled. 
'''Bob:''' So, I finagled a transfer back to Roanoke, and… I got there just at the time when they were startin'… to make… any kind of automation controls for engines. 
'''Bob:''' So, I got into what they call "a new business area". And I got to do ''all'' the great things. All my-- I-- I really had it right. I was in the right places at the right time. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Because I am very ''logically-''inclined. 
'''Emily:''' That doesn't really happen nowadays, with the economy… 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – and I-- I'm a logician. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Oddly enough, I never learned how a transistor even works… on records. But I ''use'' 'em all the time. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I use 'em. I'm retired now, a long time. But… when I started out with this group, and the first thing we got into was trying to automate a steel mill… for rolling [unintelligible] steel for your cars. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Well, we did that. And then, I got into… how to roll papers so you could get Kleenex. 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] 
'''Chris:''' And, of course, y'know, he's the guy that designed the controls for all the plastic water machines, so without him at this time, you couldn't have the plastic for your glasses. 
'''Bob:''' And-- and then-- then, I got into-- I was in the new business area [unintelligible] we could do the first one… and then, somebody else would take over and do the others. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And-- and then, I got into managing a paper mill. But then, I got into the… industry of-- of, uh, like [unintelligible] warehousing, automatic transition, like BART: Bay Area Rapid Transit. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Automatic railroads and all that kind of stuff. Automated a bunch of that. Then, I got into automating a bunch of mine [unintelligible] around the world. 
'''Emily:''' You've been through a lot! 
'''Bob:''' And then, I went to automating tanker ships, so you could run 'em from the bridge and have nobody downstairs. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Just someone else involved-- 
'''Chris:''' Want some water? 
'''Emily:''' No, thank you. 
'''Bob:''' And, uh… then, uh-- then, um, I got into… I developed [unintelligible] I found out that there was very few people like me in the world that had this natural… inclination… for logic. 
'''Bob:''' Anyway, like the ands, and ors, and the what-ifs, and the what-if-nots. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I developed a system… called a [inaudible] that stands [unintelligible]. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' Hardware-oriented Y2K pile of junk! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Similar fortune… was in… ''hardware''. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' Hey, everybody – I got [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you. 
'''Bob:''' What this enables-- 
'''Chris:''' [unintelligible (but clearly addressing Emily)] 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] Thank you. 
'''Bob:''' What this enables everybody to do-- and me, too, but I was lazy… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Was to write down on-- on paper – and design on paper from the start – a sequence of parallel lines. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And up to that point, nobody had a way of writin' it down on paper. 
'''Emily:''' [''half-stifles a genuine laugh''] 
'''Bob:''' And they ''still'' don't, really! [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' But that [unintelligible] to mind, horse and buggy. 
'''Bob:''' Elevator-type system that's over a 5,000 ft hole! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Then, I got into, uh, designing… ''scooter'' machines, which fused all the plastic around wires, and things like that… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Scooters. And then, I got into… die-cast machines… and the machines automating ''them''. They make things like carburetors, and cans, and whatever. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I got into ''plastics''… and even the ''plastics'' were [unintelligible] automating their machines. In the process, I ended up with about… ''two'' patents [unintelligible] in ''my'' name that ''they'' own. And all this… dumb stuff. And I saw the first 2-liter Coke bottle… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Come off the line in New England. 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] on it, and all these [unintelligible] ''doors'', and-- and, um… ''shutters'', and stuff like that made out of plastic. All this stuff we got plastic. 
'''Chris:''' [unintelligible] in your frames! 
'''Emily:''' Yep! [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' Including, uh, Tupperware. 
'''Emily:''' Can't… go without Tupperware… 
'''Bob:''' So, then [unintelligible] ''finalized'' and-- and perfected, basically, this [unintelligible] process… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Of design and documentation. [unintelligible] It came time for me to retire. And so, I did! [''chuckles''] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' So, now, I'm ''un-''indated with all this stuff I did, and I don't know whether I did the world a good thing or not. 
'''Emily:''' I think you did! 
'''Bob:''' But I can't-- 
'''Emily:''' You did a lot of things. 
'''Bob:''' I can't spell the word "cat" without a K in it. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, well, y'know, [[Chris and his ego|I'm proud of him anyway]], for his [[fail|accompliment]]-- accom-''plish-''ments. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' He's got a ''half-''brother who [unintelligible] 
'''Chris:''' ''His'' son. 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh…'' okay. 
'''Bob:''' And he's got a-- and I have a daughter, who is his-- his half-sister… that's a… Phi Beta Kappa outta UVA Atlantic. 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh…'' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' She's workin' for the federal government, and she's got a PHD now. She's working somewhere for the federal government. All these math people… I dunno.

===Retired Life (16:59 - 24:22)===

'''Emily:''' I'm not very good at math. [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' I'm not that-- 
'''Emily:''' That's why-- 
'''Bob:''' I'm good at ''logic'', but not at math. 
'''Chris:''' But ''I'm'' good at math! 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Bob:''' He's not good at math when it comes to managing money. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Chris:''' Hey – look! Hey – look it! I have… ''your'' plastic lid on it! 
[''Chris chuckles and Emily laughs''] 
'''Bob:''' We've been working with him, now, for 27 years. 
'''Bob:''' It was a challenge. ''Most'' of the time, I've been retired, so I could [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… usually, if you're not very good at math, you're really good at writing, which is why I'm going for journalism. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – well, I, um… I did-- I do alright with writing as long as I got a spell checker. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' I just, uh-- I-- but I enjoyed my life. It-- it, uh-- it-- I had… things; I had-- I had opportunities that most people don’t get. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I got to see all this stuff now. 
'''Emily:''' That’s good. I hope that, like, y'know, I can travel around the world and, y'know… write up-- do some journalism, like, overseas. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – I’ve been to Australia, and I’ve been to Korea, and I've been to England. 
'''Bob:''' ''Most'' people [unintelligible] to see 'em, but [unintelligible] I've never seen, 'cause they work too good. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Well, it-- it was interesting. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' I wish I could get-- find out what ''Christian's'' really good-- well, he’s pretty good in drawing… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' And writing. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – he-- she should know; she-- you’ve-- you should know; you've seen a bunch of [[Chris and art|my artwork]]. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! It’s really good! All my-- all my friends like it, as well. 
'''Bob:''' [[Chris and copyright|He’s ''creative'']]… but he’s, um… I-- I guess you know he’s-- [[autism|he's high-functioning autistic]]… and, um… 
'''Chris''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' At 6, he couldn’t even ''talk''… but he was… ''programming'' [unintelligible] computer: his Commodore computer… 
'''Chris:''' Commodore 64. 
'''Bob:''' [''laughs''] Which was his first little-- 
'''Emily:''' Oh! I don’t know very many-- much about computers! [''giggles''] Sorry! [''giggles some more''] 
'''Bob:''' You’ve probably got a laptop, with a word processor, don't ya? 
'''Emily:''' [reluctantly] Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah – but you-- 
'''Bob:''' Now, we've-- we-- we’ve brought him a long way. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' It’s been interesting. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… well, that’s a little piece for you-- that you can, uh, write about, if you want to. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! That-- that would be interesting. 
'''Chris:''' Anyway, you-- anyway, you came all the way here from, uh, VCU? Or did you make a few stops along the way? 
'''Emily:''' No – I came all the way from VCU. Um… like, a lot of my fr-- uh, friends over at VCU? They're into the whole Sonichu thing, but there’s a lot more… uh, like, I guess "Sonichu Girls"… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Up in, uh, the University of West Virginia. And we… k-- we kinda do, like, a newsletter-type thing every week. 
'''Chris:''' Wow. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' But this is in one of my favorite spots in the country. 
'''Chris:''' [responding belatedly to Emily] I commend you for that. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] little trees on West Avenue. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' Have you heard of West Avenue? 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' You know where West Avenue is? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – a little bit; I don’t… really go in that area. 
'''Bob:''' They're at the end of VCU, then? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] I don’t know that area very well. 
'''Bob:''' It’s-- it's a street of, uh, townhouses. And it's about three blocks long. And it’s got a second name called "Stork Alley". 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And every spring, they have a "Stork Alley Rally". 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? Oh… 
'''Bob:''' At the same time, they have the Easter parade over on Monument Avenue. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I’ve never seen it before, but my friends tell me about it. But I’m usually stuck in, y'know… college. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – but-- but I was only in Richmond… um… 1975 through 1980. And then, I got married to ''his'' mother. And, um… ''he'' was born, and then, we got transferred over here; I worked for GE. 
'''Bob:''' And we lived in Chesterfield County… but I ''love'' West Avenue; that’s my favorite spot. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' I call it "Sesame Street". 
'''Emily:''' Oh, that’s… [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Because they call it "Stork Alley", 'cause there’s so many kids. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah? 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' I-- I-- I love the Virginian area. 
'''Bob:''' His ''mother''… was raised – but you wouldn’t believe it – she-- she was raised in a [unintelligible] home. And one that's [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' Right there on, um… I can’t think of the name of that street: the one that goes right in front of the Burger King… down at… VCU. 
'''Emily:''' I don’t know what… streets really are-- 
'''Bob:''' Well, again-- but that is a street that goes right in front of Burger King… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And right down the street from there is where… ''his'' mother lived for about 20 years and raised her first son. 
'''Bob:''' And he’s got a lot of ties to the family, too; he just doesn’t like me. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… do you guys have a big family? 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' Well, uh, we’ve got-- we've got ''my'' son, and my daughter. 
'''Bob:''' You-- my son’s in Richmond, and my daughter’s in Washington. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And then, we’ve got ''her'' son, who's in New York. And then, there’s the three of us. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – Schiflett's a really big family. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – we got… two-- really, two separate families. 
'''Emily:''' Mmm. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… but it’s not as big as The Brady Bunch! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' No… it isn't. 
'''Emily:''' No. 
'''Bob:''' But we-- we-- we enjoy it, and I-- I have-- uh, I grow flowers. And… I don’t have to worry about… makin' a livin' anymore… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' With Social Security, and… the GE pension. And GE's good and sound… fortunately! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' So, uh… I-- I grow day lilies. I’ve gotten my yard full of [unintelligible] 
'''Bob:''' And in the middle, I’ve got a, um… well, about 15 [unintelligible] greenhouse. 
'''Emily:''' Oh? 
'''Bob:''' Except… inside this greenhouse, it’s different. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Inside this greenhouse, there’s ''plastic'' flowers. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – ''plastic'' flowers? 
'''Bob:''' A ''swing''… and, uh, all my ''stereo'' stuff, and, uh… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – but he’s got ''real'' flowers in his garden. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. Oh, okay. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – the day lilies are real, in the garden; but inside here, it’s all flat. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – day lilies bloom about once a year, during-- dur-- about ''once''-- 
'''Bob:''' In the summer. 
'''Chris:''' This-- this summer. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Bob:''' There-- there's also that-- 
'''Chris:''' And then, they stay that way for about a month or so. It’s a beautiful garden. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, I can imagine! 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – I’ve got about 15,000 healthy-- 
'''Chris:''' [dreamily/creepily] ''Imagine!'' 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And I-- I love all the music from-- from [unintelligible (but seemingly naming a pair of musical artists)]. 
'''Chris:''' Raise me on music, he did! 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' And-- and musicals. And soundtracks. 
'''Emily:''' Well, what’s ''your'' favorite artist? 
'''Chris:''' Uh, my favorite artist? Well, he didn’t raise me on it, but, y'know, my favorite ss-- uh… ''singer'' is Britney Spears. 
'''Emily:''' Britney Spears? 
'''Bob:''' And, uh, he's got all-- uh, mine are all back from the '40s, and '30s, and '20s, and-- 
'''Emily:''' And he’s into… more ''modern'' pop music? 
'''Chris:''' Although… I guess if I had to pick a ''classic'' favorite, it would have to be ''Satchmo''. 
'''Emily:''' "Satchmo"? 
'''Chris:''' Louis Armstrong. 
'''Bob:''' And-- but [unintelligible] all these big ''classics'' now-- 
'''Chris:''' [''does Satchmo impression''] "Ten feet off the ground!" 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Chris:''' [''imitates trumpet melody''] 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when it came out. All the European [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when they came out, 'cause they were [unintelligible] but now, you can get 'em at Goodwill and Salvation Army… 
'''Emily:''' Well-- 
'''Bob:''' A ''quarter'' to ''fifty'' cents apiece. 
'''Emily:''' [feigning enthusiastic agreement] Yeah! [''laughs weakly''] 
'''Bob:''' ''Thousands'' of them now! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And inside, uh, I found out that inside this, um… um… ''greenhouse''… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm? 
'''Bob:''' It's got a ''dome'' ceiling… which gives it the ca-- ''cathedral'' [unintelligible] 
'''Bob:''' Well… I found this ''great'' stereo system at, uh-- in the 1970s, at Goodwill… and put ''it'' out there… along with the swing. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' And… if you turn the volume up, then that music just sounds like it’s the hall where they ''recorded'' it! Ah – it's great! 
'''Bob:''' Goin' out there and swingin' with my music for hours on end! 
'''Emily:''' [unintelligible] 
'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily''] 
'''Emily:''' That must be really relaxing! 
'''Bob:''' Well, yeah – it's a nice life! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely'']

===Bob's Health Problems (24:23 - 25:29)===

'''Bob:''' If I didn't have to worry about ''him'', I'd be in ''great'' shape! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs sympathetically''] 
'''Bob:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Chris:''' [''laughs nervously''] [unintelligible] But he's been-- still been in… good shape all his [unintelligible] I mean, he's been in-- he's been through, uh, ''three'' triple-- ''two'' triple-bypasses? 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – I was supposed to ''die'' in 1980. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no! What happened? 
'''Bob:''' In fact, I ''did''. 
'''Emily:''' What happened? 
'''Bob:''' I smoked too much… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Bob:''' And, um… I worked for GE. 
'''Bob:''' I did all this dumb stuff I shouldn't have. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah-- but yeah – he-- but yes – uh… 
'''Bob:''' And, um… 
'''Chris:''' God let him survive! 
'''Bob:''' I had a couple heart attacks, and… 
'''Emily:''' [responding to Chris] Yeah – for a reason! 
'''Chris:''' And he's got a pacemaker now! 
'''Bob:''' Yeah… I-- I've been through-- I lived through a triple-bypass in 1980 [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Bob:''' And survived that… so, [[Chris and death|I've only died a couple times!]] 
'''Bob:''' And then, I got-- I got through that. 
'''Bob:''' Then, ''he'' came along. 
'''Chris:''' Hey! He come-- 
'''Bob:''' And then, I-- I got retired… 
'''Chris:''' Hey! 
'''Emily:''' Hmm? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – hey – he's the one that's b-- that has seen the light, but did not actually go ''to'' it… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And, um… 
'''Chris:''' A ''number'' of times. 
'''Bob:''' I had ''another'' triple-bypass in '92… 
'''Bob:''' And I died a couple times [unintelligible] 
'''Bob:''' And that was at Chippenham, over in Chester County. 
'''Emily:''' Oh…

===Memories of High School (25:30 - 26:12)===

'''Bob:''' And, uh… when I was over there with him, I-- I put him to school through, uh, ''Chesterfield'' County's school system. 
'''Chris:''' Uh… 
'''Bob:''' Well, they're the best in the country… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Bob:''' For-- for schools [unintelligible] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Bob:''' And-- and, um… 
'''Chris:''' Manchester High. 
'''Emily:''' [disinterested] Oh, really? 
'''Bob:''' Then, um… 
'''Chris:''' That's my birthstone: [[Amnyfest Ring|amnyfest]]. 
'''Emily:''' And the ''side'' of it… 
'''Emily:''' What does it say: "Lancers"? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Is that-- wait – is that your mascot? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Then…what's on the other side? "2000"? 
'''Chris:''' Yes… that's my class and coat'a arms. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' Manchester High School. And look at the jewel! It's a galaxy cut on top, and [[rainbow|a rainbow]] on the bottom. If you look at-- in the ring-- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' Do you see-- 
'''Emily:''' I see it! 
'''Chris:''' Do you see the rainbow? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. [[speech impediment|Well, anyway, like, y'know,]] I guess that's enough-- y'know, that's enough talk from ''him''. Uh… you were gonna ask… 
'''Emily:''' Aww… 
'''Chris:''' ''Me'' something?

===The "Sonichu Girls" Club (26:13 - 29:01)===

'''Bob:''' Now, I wanna find out about these… ''Sonichu'' Girls! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Sonichu Girls? 
'''Bob:''' 'Cause I didn't know about them. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – didn't… Chris tell you about them? 
'''Bob:''' No – he doesn't-- no – he doesn't normally-- he doesn't… ''tell'' me much about them, so… 
'''Bob:''' See – he's a-- he-- he and his mother stay up all night… and I stay up all day. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' Uh… actually reminds me more-- actually, we're more-- sometimes, you stay up in the day; sometimes, you stay up in the night. 
'''Emily:''' So, you've got, like, ''mixed''… like, sleep schedules, I guess? 
'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''… my mom-- and my-- my mom picked up my bad biological-- my messed-up [[biological clock]]. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Bob:''' She stays up all night! 
'''Bob:''' But anyway… I-- I-- yeah – I found out about 'em from… I guess, when you called on the phone… 
'''Emily:''' Oh! [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And-- and left a message. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – it's a pretty big fanbase. Um… there's actually about-- about 30-some girls… at University of West Virginia who, like, are part of the fan club. 
'''Bob:''' Hmm! 
'''Emily:''' And then, there's-- I mean, there's, uh, plenty of others, like, around the world, too, that-- we talk to… um, on the forums that we have? 
'''Bob:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Do-- you got one here in UVA? 
'''Emily:''' I don't know… [''giggles''] I don't have very many friends at UVA. 
'''Bob:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Emily:''' That's why I heard-- that's why. 
'''Bob:''' VCU's [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. They're a lot more laid-back over there. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah. Well, they're in the sand! How else could you be? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' 'Cause in the sand, you have to be laid-back. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' Y'know, I was curious about this-- this club… 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? 
'''Bob:''' I-- I didn't know he even knew about it! ''I'' didn't know about it. I think it's great! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Hey – I've been on the Internet chat! And plus, y'know… 
'''Bob:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Y'know, certain-- 
'''Bob:''' Plus [[medallion|the ''medallion'']], Christian! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… um… 
'''Bob:''' He's got this yellow medallion with Sonichu on it… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! Why-- why aren't you wearing your… [suddenly concerned] m-- medallion? 
'''Chris:''' Um… I just believe I expressed that, uh… in a video on, uh, YouTube? But I-- I, uh… 
'''Emily:''' I might've missed that; I'm not sure. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – um… I'd rather not say in front of-- I'd rather not say in front of ''Father''… but, uh… 
'''Bob:''' There's a lot of things he doesn't tell me; he doesn't share things with me. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh''… [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' [whispering] If I told him why, he'd have ''another'' heart attack… 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no! [''laughs politely''] 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely again''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' But I mean, y'know… think of it this way: at least you don't have another face that you have-- you don't-- it saves you one face to have to look at! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – and look at 'em, y'know: they're ashually ''green-blue''. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I see it! 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – pink eye in that eye, and then, uh, the prescribed eye drops changed the pigment! 
'''Emily:''' Wow… I didn't know that… could happen! [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. ''Yeah''… looks like you kinda, like, uh, have green-brown eyes yourself? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Uh… 
'''Emily:''' I thought they were just plain brown! [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – it's just that-- y'know, it's-- the angle of the light kinda gave it a little bit of a greenish tint… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible]

===Emily Isn't Hungry (29:02 - 29:58)===

'''Chris:''' Yeah… but ''anyway'', uh… you came all the way from VCU; uh… you hungry? 
'''Emily:''' Oh – no, I'm not hungry. I ate on the way here, really. 
'''Chris:''' Oh – you-- 
'''Emily:''' Stopped at, like, a rest stop. Got some vending m-- [''laughs nervously''] vending machine snacks… and that's it. 
'''Chris:''' ''Oh.'' That's good. 
'''Chris:''' That's good; uh… ''Father'' was thinkin' about, like-- was gonna get us ''spaghetti'', and, uh… [truly flustered] we wanna sh-- we wanna split it be-- he was gonna split it between me, and, uh… I'm gonna split mine with you… 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no… I'm not hungry. Thank you, though! 
'''Chris:''' [weakly] Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' We usually split a spaghetti, 'cause I-- I can't eat it all! 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''… it's a really big bowl for him… 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Chris:''' Really… ''whoop!'' 
[''Emily laughs and Chris chuckles''] 
'''Bob:''' It's not as big as I'd like… y'know… it's bigger! 
'''Emily:''' No… [''giggles''] 
'''Chris:''' Let's see… well, Dad – why don't you go get your spaghetti? 
'''Bob:''' Do you want some? 
'''Emily:''' No. I'm-- I'm not hungry. Thank you, though… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… we could get you some ''water''. 
'''Emily:''' No – I'm not thirsty, as well. 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. Okay – well, go ahead and get your sh-- go ahead and get the spaghetti, Father. 
'''Bob:''' Alright.

===Bob's Health Problems Revisited (29:59 - 32:11)===

'''Bob:''' Yeah – I got one other thing I was gonna tell you about… 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? 
'''Bob:''' Since we've talked about it: on that, uh… I've died about five times now. 
'''Bob:''' The last time, I was at Golden Corral. The restaurant? 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] 
'''Chris:''' And… my mom was there with him. 
'''Bob:''' [''chuckles''] I just… hit the floor! 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no! 
'''Chris:''' No – not really; uh… he was-- uh, he was pullin' out his credit c-- not really "hit the floor", but… he was pullin' out his, uh, credit card? 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm? 
'''Chris:''' And he would've… hit a-- he was standing in front of, like, the cash register, and there was a bar railing there; the bar rail was there. If he-- if my mom wasn't there to catch him… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Chris:''' His-- like his guardian angel, he would'a hit the bar and would've been… worse… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' Would've been worse off! 
'''Emily:''' Oh, wow… 
'''Bob:''' But anyway, uh, now, I've got a pacemaker. 
'''Emily:''' Wow. [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – and ''that's'' when he got his pacemaker. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Bob:''' I guess that won't happen in, uh… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' But I-- I think the [unintelligible] reason why I survived all those attacks… which I think I'm ''proud'' of… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm? 
'''Bob:''' I don' t know about you. 
'''Chris:''' ''He's'' proud of it. 
'''Bob:''' ''I'm'' proud of it. I don't know whether ''he'' is or not. 
'''Chris:''' I'm proud of him, for it! 
'''Bob:''' But I'm, um-- I found out a few years ago-- about… 10 or 15 years ago… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm? 
'''Bob:''' That I was… at least one-fourth Cherokee! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – so, that makes me an eighth… Cherokee. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, I figured that-- and then, I checked back all my father's… relatives [unintelligibile] all the way up to be up in their 80s, and 90s, and even over ''100'' sometimes. 
'''Emily:''' Dang! [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Well, I figured: well, that's why I keep bouncin' back from this. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' This ain't my time yet. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – either that or, uh, God's lettin' him stick around for my… c-- for ''my'' case. 
'''Bob:''' Somebody's gotta look out for him! 
'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Bob:''' [''cackles''] 
'''Chris:''' [''cackles almost identically''] 
'''Bob:''' Somebody's gotta pay the bills! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously again''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… okay, Dad, uh… you s-- alright, Dad-- 
'''Bob:''' Now-- now, I'm dismissed, so I can go [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs nervously yet again''] 
'''Chris:''' Well… not really "dismissed", because… y'know, I'm a little hungry myself… 
'''Chris:''' So… [''laughs nervously''] y'know, Dad, please go get the spaghetti and the bread. 
'''Bob:''' You sure you don't want something? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I'm sure. Thank you for asking, though. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – y'know, I was concerned, myself. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Well, I'll let you two talk… mainly to save the table… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah… 
'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily''] Then, I'll come back, and… 
'''Bob:''' If you don't mind us eatin' in front of you! 
'''Emily:''' I don't mind. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' You better tell me more about this club you've got! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
[''Bob walks away'']

===Chris Fails at Flirting (32:12 - 36:48)===

'''Chris:''' Mmm. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – y'know, you-- uh… I must say you look ''good''. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – thank you! 
'''Chris:''' And, y'know, you are the first, uh, female Sonichu fan to have actually come a long distance to see me. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – well, it's not that far! I’m sure, like, maybe some of the girls from VCU would come down sometime: like, maybe during s-- uh… summer break. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – but I mean, at least all the way from, uh, West Virginia. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' I mean, that’s farther than VCU, I'm sure. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely''] 
'''Emily:''' We might take a road trip down here. 
'''Chris:''' [in a sing-song voice] "Take a road trip! It's a little road trip!" 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. 
'''Chris:''' [''does terrifying Donald Duck impression''] "And this is my duck talk! This is, uh, Donald Duck!" 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] [almost fearful] Is that the one that scared that child? 
'''Chris:''' Uh… at the-- 
'''Emily:''' At Wendy’s. 
'''Chris:''' Uh… 
'''Emily:''' I don’t know how that’s scary. 
'''Chris:''' No – not-- not-- no – not-- really scary; y'see, he was ''tired''… 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh''… okay. So, you… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' But it makes a lot of children smile, ‘cause they’re familiar with that D-- classic Disney character. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''… you mi-- you don’t mind if I t-- if I, uh, have my hand on your shoulder? 
'''Emily:''' Uh, not for too long… 
'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] "Not for too long". 
'''Emily:''' ''Okay''… not-- not for too long… 
'''Chris:''' Okay… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. [''chuckles again''] This is like-- wow – I finally… get, like, this… beautiful girl in front of me… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] Thank you. 
'''Chris:''' And she's like-- and she actually got to know ''me''. 
'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Just, like, y'know, uh… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. So… what’s your-- what's the reason you need ''your'' glasses for? I’m ''near-''sighted myself. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I’m nearsighted, as well. 
'''Chris:''' Oh. 
'''Emily:''' I don’t have very good eyes. 
'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] It's like, y'know, we’re close, so it's like, y'know, we don’t need glasses to see each other… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Do we? 
'''Emily:''' Hmm… no – it's still blurry… 
'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''… 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. How do you look without that hat? I mean, I want-- I'd like to see the, uh… 
'''Emily:''' I-- I like this hat. My hair doesn’t look good today. 
'''Chris:''' Oh… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Your hair doesn’t look good today? Are you sure? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I’m sure. [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' How’s my hair look? 
'''Emily:''' It looks good! 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. Looks good. 
'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] Boy – I've had it sleepin' against ''pillows''… and I took a shower before I went-- before I went to-- um, crashing on the… couch. 
'''Emily:''' [slightly disgusted] Oh… 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – but I put on some, uh, bod-- body s-- some [[Axe|Axe body spray]] before I left. Do you like that smell? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – it depends on which one it is. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Uh, which one is it? 
'''Chris:''' I believe it's, uh… it's called "Proximity". 
'''Emily:''' Oh – I ''really'' like the choc-- the new chocolate one. 
'''Chris:''' Oh – the, uh, "Dark Temptation"… 
'''Emily:''' ''Yeah.'' 
'''Chris:''' Oh – I was running low on that can anyway. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… okay. 
'''Chris:''' It's like I-- if I-- if I-- if we-- if we was hookin' up, I would've gotten more of that! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
[Note: Chris both stutters ''and'' laughs through "if we was hookin' up", so it's not at all clear that Emily realizes what she's laughing at.] 
'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] But seriously, though: you ''are'' cute. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – thank you. 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. ''Mmm''… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – I like-- I like this-- I like this-- I like the get-up you’re wearing. It's like you're-- you c-- you straight-- came straight from, uh… the, uh, PGSM… show. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah… [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' It's the live-action [[Sailor Moon]]. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I’ve seen some of the episodes for that. 
'''Chris:''' I’ve got the entire series-- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Saved to my PlayStation 3, including the, uh, wedding episode. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – I don’t… think I’ve… seen that one… so… 
'''Chris:''' Its, like, the very-- it's, like, a very special ''last'' episode. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' [in a strange, baby-like voice] You actually get to see ''Usagi''… [back to his normal voice] and, uh-- aww, shoot – I forget his name, but, y'know… 
'''Emily:''' Uh… Mamoru? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – Samoru. That’s it; ''you'' got it. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' You ''got'' it! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' You got it. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I used to be a really big fan of Sailor Moon. Well, I still am; I’m just not as big of a fan as… nowadays. 
'''Chris:''' [unintelligible] entire anime series? 
'''Emily:''' Um, I haven’t seen the ''last'' season. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – Sailor Stars. 
'''Emily:''' ''Yeah''… 'cause it didn’t come out in America, 'cause they’re, like, afraid of the transsexuals? 
'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously''] 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – I kn-- I know that. But I ''have'' that on, uh-- I have that on ''DVD''-- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Uh, y'know, with J-- Japanese audio and English subtitles. 
'''Emily:''' How do you feel about that? Like, the transsexuals and… the Sailor Starlights? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Um… 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' Does it, like, make you uncomfortable, or… would you-- 
'''Chris:''' No. 
'''Emily:''' Would you have minded if, like, it came out, and the TV showed just, like, little kids? 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Um… 
'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''… [pitiful] I don’t have much of an opinion… 
[''Emily and Chris both laugh''] 
'''Emily:''' It's kind of a… sketchy subject, there. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – it's, uh-- it's… [in a British accent] ''itchy''… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – but you can sketch a lot in your, uh… journalism, don't ya? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Well, I m-- I mean, we don’t draw a lot; we just… 
'''Emily:''' We do, like, the little outlines, and then, we start writing. 
'''Chris:''' Okay – well, I mean, you-- I mean, you sketch your ''letters''. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I bet you sketch your signature pretty… don’t you? 
'''Emily:''' No – I thinks it's, uh-- it's just basically a bunch'a scribbles. 
[''Chris and Emily both laugh''] 
'''Chris:''' Eh… a lot of people would say that about their signatures, I’m sure. 
'''Emily:''' Well, I mean, some people just, like, put an X for their signature, and that’s it. 
'''Chris:''' ''Ah''… but not you. You put… 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' An E and… an S, basically. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' Uh-- uh, an S? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – Emily Schiflett. 
'''Chris:''' Oh – ''that’s'' your last name! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' "Schiflett". 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – my middle name’s Julia. 
'''Chris:''' ''"Julia"!'' 
'''Emily:''' ''Yeah.'' 
'''Chris:''' "Emily Julia Schiflett". 
'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Flows nicely, doesn’t it? 
'''Chris:''' It's beautiful! 
'''Emily:''' Aww… thank you. 
'''Chris:''' D-- do you dot your I in "Julia" with a heart? 
'''Emily:''' No… [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] 
[pause]

===Eating Spaghetti (36:49 - 38:54)===

[''Bob comes back''] 
'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] Alright, Dad – uh, I'll let you, uh, divvy up the spaghetti onto my plate. 
'''Bob:''' I get to divvy it up! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Bob:''' Wow! Christian – I don't know… 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] my ''treat'' to finally come down here! I love their spaghetti! 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh''… really? I don't think-- I've only had their pizza there… before… 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – the, um-- all the spaghetti places in town are too expensive. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' My favorite, though, is, um, Olive Garden. 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh.'' 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – b-- but-- 
'''Bob:''' But they don't have one here! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' But they should have one here. 
'''Bob:''' ''I'' think they should. 
'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' You ever been to an Olive Garden? 
'''Emily:''' Mm-mmm. 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. Well, yeah – it's a good place to, uh, get, uh, spaghetti. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' I-- I've actually-- yeah – y'know, I was there with my father… when-- the few times we visited, uh, Olive Garden. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – a good place to get, uh, spaghetti; really good. 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' And also, we've been to the, uh, few, uh, nearly-- to the ''other'' nearly esstinct, uh, restaurants: y'know, like Shoney's [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Oh – I haven't seen a Shoney's around in a ''while!'' 
'''Chris:''' There's one in Chesterfield Count-- there's a bun-- there's a few in the Richmond area… 
'''Bob:''' And one over close to VCU! 
'''Emily:''' Oh! Really? I didn't see it! [''laughs politely''] Of course, I'm-- I'm usually not looking for them, so… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – we even ha-- yeah – we even-- at-- at home, somewhere, we even have a t-- we even have the-- the teddy bear: the ''Shoney Bear''. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' The Shoney Bear? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – it's-- that was their mascot. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' And I mean, if you look it up-- if you look up "Shon"-- if you-- I'm sure if you Googled "Shoney's", you'd, uh… find their mascot being the teddy-- 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Chris:''' Being the bear. 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' [in a somewhat cutesy voice] "Bein' the bear in the shirt…" 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' [unintelligible] "to… wan-- to wan-- to… gawk-- to ''gander'' at!" 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' Christian – they got lots of juice! 
[''Chris chuckles and Emily laughs''] 
'''Chris:''' Well, ''you'' can have it… 
'''Bob:''' [inaudible] 
'''Chris:''' I don't need to, uh, ''slobber'' all over myself… 
'''Chris:''' Especially in front of my, uh, "lady friend", here. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] Aww… 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] a little bit more? 
[long pause] 
'''Bob:''' You can deal ''without''… 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – he doesn't usually eat the bread, so, uh, I'll take his-- so, I take his breadsticks. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' I'm gonna go get some more water. 
'''Emily:''' Okay! 
'''Chris:''' I'll be right back. 
[''Chris walks away''] 
[pause]

===(38:55 - 01:14:22)===

{{transcription}}

===A Walk to Remember (01:14:23 - 01:21:43)===

Chris and Emily awkwardly leave Bob who continues to ramble as they clomp off through the mall. 
'''Bob:''' Take care. 
'''Chris:''' Alright come on, Emily, let's, let's walk… 
Bob babbles on about sending something. 
'''Emily:'''Okay… okay, you can show me around the mall… 
'''Chris:''' Okay! Here's our… heights… You… you come to just about my eyeline. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous tittering* 
They walk quietly for a moment as Chris mutters something quietly. 
'''Chris:''' *sigh* So where you li… where do you usually like to go shopping at when you're at a shopping center? 
'''Emily:''' *impatiently* Clothes stores. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, they have a number of clothing stores in, uh… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' … a J.C. Penney and a Sears, among other places that uh, more name brands… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah a lot of the stores here are, if you take a look, take a look at the prices and they're pretty expensive. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… Yeah… but, you know, they used to ha- they used to have a Kay-Bee Toys here and I- that's where I got my- turns out- my thousand dollar shopping spree I won around the… around the Adventures- the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog… 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Chris:''' That sweepstakes, you might remember I put something about that… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' … you might remember that, uh, news clip… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! I've seen it. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
Chris nervously takes a few steps. 
'''Chris:''' Wow… you're like… I'm sorry. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' I'm just fascinated like… you're just like… a character from PGSM or from- came all the way from Japan- just leapt out of my television! 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* No I'm definitely all American. 
'''Chris:''' You're all American. 
'''Emily:''' I'm all American. 
'''Chris:''' Okay- so it's just- it's just your eyes that are excepting. 
'''Emily:''' *shameless subject change* Yeah… so what's your favorite store here? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah it's- currently, since they took away the toy store- I think it's- I would say it's mostly Gamestop, but I also go to the bookstore or Sears, or even the Spencer's that's down on the other side of the mall. And they used to have an FYE here, which was a Suncoast before- before it- before they all merged and became an FYE, but then they closed that to make the next business here. 
'''Emily:''' What's down the other way… cause I've been… I came down this way, but I haven't been down that way. 
'''Chris:''' Okay, we'll go down that way! Alright. I hope- Hope you don't mind me sticking around your left side… 
'''Emily:''' *bravely* Okay, that's fine! 
'''Chris:''' I mean, I guess I should keep my hands to myself and behave, right? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, you should probably do that. 
'''Chris:''' I mean, I'm just trying to be friendly. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' But, you know, not- but you know- respectful- touch you gently on the shoulder or the back- 
'''Emily:''' *vomitously* Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I mean at least I'm not that guy from Inuyasha that… go- eh- go for the bum. 
'''Emily:''' *vomitously* Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Heh-heh, that's funny. Always get slapped in the face, he does. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I forget his name, I think it's Mamoru, or something like that 
'''Emily:''' Uh… . it's Miroku. 
'''Chris:''' *talking over her* Do you watch Inuyasha? Yeah, Miroku, that was it, you hi- you hit it on the head right there… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
Emily awkwardly walks several steps… 
'''Emily:''' *delaying* Is that the… food court there? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah that's basically the food court. 
'''Emily:''' OK… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah it use- it used to have McDonalds here- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' … soooo many years ago across from the Gamestop there, back then it was called Babbages… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' And then between them and Suncoast was FunCo Land and Software Etc. and they all merged into a Ga- they all merged into Gamestop 
'''Emily:''' Oh… never heard about that… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… I'm sh- I'm sh- I'm sure you must've at least noticed those game stores back in your youth- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… I play video games sometimes, but not very often… 
'''Salesman:''' HELLO WOULD YOU LIKE HARAAGARALABHGH 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no thank you! 
'''Chris:''' No thank you! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… right over- see- where that *unintelligble name of store*, that's where PacSun used to be, where Anna McLerran 
'''Emily:''' Oh yeah… I've… I've heard of her as well… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Emily:''' Is she still around? 
'''Chris:''' No she, uh- moved to Utah. 
'''Emily:''' Utah… 
'''Chris:''' She's a Mormon. Found that out after I met her. But we cam- but we- but we could became good friends and I gave her, uh, you know, gave her a going away/birthday party before she left for Utah… 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh! 
'''Chris:''' For her 20th birthday… and actually her- actual- and actually her friends, uh, her friends and I got together and put together the party. *emphatically* I k- I bought the cake. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, that's nice of you… and… there was also Megan. Do you keep in contact with her? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah uh… no, not-no-n-n-not-been-touch with her for a long time. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' That's cause she moved to another state. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… did she move to Utah too? 
'''Chris:''' Uh, no, I don't think she moved to Utah, I don't even remember where she moved to. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' But you know, sometimes, I, uh, I dream I'm back in uh, Manchester High, you know, I get to see all my- all my old s- c- all my old friends… there. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Sometimes I even see Megan and John in there… John's her brother… 
'''Emily:''' Oh ok… 
'''Chris:''' Can you believe that, attending Manchester High like I was back then, 
'''Emily:''' *small laughter* 
'''Chris:''' … but yet they never went- they never been- they never been to Manchester High, neither of them. Isn't that… kinda funny? 
'''Emily:''' *slightly sarcastically* Yeah… that is kinda funny! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… FYE was over there… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… I guess it's becoming a LensCrafters? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I guess… anyway here's the Spencer's. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' If you like looking at the, uh, naughty stuff- 
'''Emily:''' *quickly* No, I'm not into that. 
'''Chris:''' Not yet anyway! *laughs* 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' Ah, but you might. But it's mostly humorous, anyway. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… well… doesn't look like there's anything down here… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… not much… not much to look at around here… the toy stores around here are down here… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… well I gotta get going soon, it's gonna be a long drive! 
'''Chris:''' Long drive… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Well I hope, uh, you at least, uh, keep the memories we've shared… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah I'll walk you to your car, if you want… 
'''Emily:''' No, I'll probably have to go to the bathroom first… it's that time of the month… 
'''Chris:''' Oh. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, when you're on your, uh, period… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, aside from the, uh, first time, uh, meeting, this first meeting, uh, how do you feel about me? In general… 
'''Emily:''' You're a really nice guy! 
'''Chris:''' Thank you… 
'''Emily:''' I don't know why people pick on you and all that… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, they should get to know me in person… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I mean I'm a gentleman, I behave… behave… 
'''Emily:''' *steering the beast* Have you been into any of these stores over here?

===Meet the Pickle (01:21:44 - 01:25:29)===

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] Yeah, so, um, you wouldn't want to go see Watchmen, would you? 
'''Chris:''' Uh… no. 
'''Emily:''' I'd see that movie. 
'''Chris:''' *shocked* Uh… any particular reason why you're dressed up like that? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Not in particular. 
'''Chris:''' Come on, Emily. 
'''Emily:''' What? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Hey, hey, maybe the lady wants to go with me. Ya, ya want to go see Watchmen? Lots of, uh… 
'''Emily:''' *gloating* Why, what's wrong? 
'''Chris:''' The man in the pickle suit… a- it's apparent this guy's amongst the… trolls. 
'''Pickle Man:''' You think… 
'''Emily:''' What's a tro… 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Passerby:''' Sir… sir, what are you? 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm a pickle. 
'''Passerby:''' You're a pickle! I love pickles. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? Pickles are pretty cool. 
'''Passerby:''' And who are you advertising with? 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm not really advertising. 
'''Passerby:''' You're just dressed for fun? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Just bored. 
'''Chris:''' Dressed as a pickle to HAUNT ME. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Excuse me? I don't even know you. 
'''Passerby:''' You're just bored? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yep! 
'''Chris:''' *questioningly* You don't even know me… are you sure… do you have internet access? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Lots of people have internet access. 
'''Chris:''' Do you know Sonichu and Rosechu? 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. 
'''Chris:''' Do you know about Encyclopedia Dramatica? 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. (turning to Emily) Want to go see Watchmen? 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs* No, no, no, she's with- 
'''Emily:''' Alright! 
'''Chris:''' … she's h- she's headed over to- she's heading back to her home town. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, Watchmen would be pretty cool. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, it would be pretty cool! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, alright, uh… 
'''Emily:''' Let's go see it! 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah? 
'''Pickle Man:''' (to Emily as they turn to leave together) You've probably seen Watchmen (he refers to the novel), haven't you? 
'''Chris:''' (answering the question meant for Emily as he is clearly left behind) I've heard of Watchmen… 
'''Pickle Man:''' *laughs at Chris* 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' (inaudible, but clearly saying something to the effect that he doesn't like the Pickle Man.) 
'''Emily:''' *gloating* What's wrong with him? 
'''Pickle Man:''' What, you like pickles? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… I do not like pickles. 
'''Pickle Man:''' No pickles? 
'''Chris:''' And also particularly a guy in a pickle suit who tricked me on the internet pretending that he was Blanca! 
'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! 
'''Pickle Man:''' Who's Blanca? 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs/grunts* 
'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! See, he's a nice guy. 
'''Chris:''' (inaudible, but stressed as he moves closer to Emily) 
'''Pickle Man:''' I think you're making the lady uncomfortable there, Chris. 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs* I'm sorry, Emily. 
'''Emily:''' It's ok… I think I have… to go to the bathroom now… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, go change my tampon. 
'''Chris:''' Oh boy. [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' [inaudible] … but I guess I do now. 
'''Emily:''' *attempting to brush him off* OK, well it was nice meeting you… maybe we'll talk online or something. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah well… I kinda… [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' (as they continue trying to walk away) Well, we're going to go now. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah well… 
'''Emily:''' I'm going to the bathroom. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, either of- (to Pickle Man) you're not going where she's going… 
'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, we're- we're leaving together. 
'''Chris:''' Are you with her? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Now we are. We're going to go see Watchmen. 
'''Chris:''' No! N- no! She's going b- you gotta go back to West Virginia, don't you. 
'''Pickle Man:''' We're going to go see Watchmen first. 
'''Emily:''' I'm kinda- just- gonna- Watchmen's not that long of a movie. 
'''Chris:''' *suddenly concerned for Emily* Yeah, but you got a five hour drive! 
'''Emily:''' *dismissively* It'll be ok. 
The Pickle Man and Chris indistinctly carry on a short dialogue. The Pickle Man seems to be asking Chris why he is following along, and Chris replies: 
'''Chris:''' I'm just staying close to my friends 
'''Emily:''' Alright, see ya! 

===(01:25:29 - 01:29:34)===

{{Transcription}}

===A Precious Farewell (01:29:35 - 01:31:10)===

'''Pickle Man:''' So, you ready to go? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, my car's that way. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, her car's… Your car's [inaudible] didn't you? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, so did I. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, you did? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Which [inaudible]? 
'''Chris:''' Tha- that way. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… I'm over there. 
'''Chris:''' Oh. (continues walking alongside Pickle Man and Emily) 
'''Emily:''' Chris… you don't need to walk me to my car. 
'''Chris:''' Okaaay. 
'''Emily:''' This is… Alright. 
'''Chris:''' So, you have yourself a safe trip back to uhh… West Virginia. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… (feigning cheerfulness) okay! I might call you on Skype later. 
'''Chris:''' Okay, you take care. 
'''Emily:''' You too. 
'''Chris:''' Hey… (attempts to hug and kiss Emily) 
'''Emily:''' (tries to avoid Chris) No… no… no thank you! (nervous laughter) No thank you. 
'''Chris:''' (Chris gives up) Okay. 
'''Emily:''' Alright, see you. 
'''Chris:''' Alright, well you take care, be safe. 
'''Emily:''' Alright, you too. 
(8 seconds pass as Pickle Man and Emily walk away from Chris)
'''Chris:''' (yelling from a distance) HE KNOWS CLYDE CASH! 
(laughter from Pickle Man and Emily)
'''Emily:''' (laughing) Mission accomplished! 
'''Pickle Man:''' Is he gone yet? 
'''Emily:''' I don't know, let me look behind. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry. I'm so sorry. 
'''Emily:''' That's okay!. [inaudible] worse than me… 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm so sorry. 
'''Emily:''' That's okay. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay… [inaudible] man in the pickle suit? 
'''Emily:''' (laughs) 
'''Pickle Man:''' (laughingly says something about Clyde Cash) 
'''Emily:''' (laughs) Wait there… there's Frosty. 
'''Pickle Man:''' What? 
'''Emily:''' Looks like he's gone now. I'm gonna go tell him what happened. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. 
'''Emily:''' (presumably walking to see Frosty) Yes! Still recording!

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?hgz03i1wj4n The Date Audio]

[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Trolling]]

Talk:Twitter

2010-03-10T03:44:20Z

Llort:

okay champ is being a fucking pussy about this

Vote: The name of the page should be:
Twitter
or
Twitter Tracker

[[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 02:16, 29 December 2009 (CET)

*Why is does this need to be called Twitter Tracker unless it's going on the front page in the same way the CWCipedia Tracker is? Is there any reason other than "Conan 'O Brian did it"? If there is to be a Twitter Tracker, it should be something similar to the Twitter thing on CWCipedia and then a Twitter page to serve as an archive when Chris inevitably deletes his account or gets TOSed. Would someone looking for Chris's twitter look for "Twitter" or "Twitter Tracker"? Do you want to pipe every instance of "Twitter" to "Twitter Tracker" and what good reason is there for this aside from the Conan reference? --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 02:21, 29 December 2009 (CET)

== Need a better way ==

This probably needs a better way to dump and format these messages. In general, I'm a bit annoyed by the Web 2.0 obsession with "x days ago" style dates - nice for users, but crappy for people who mirror the content.

There's probably a bazillion different programs to read Twitter messages through the API and reformat them more nicely. I should probably look into those when I get around to it... --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 15:29, 2 January 2010 (CET)
: I wrote a quick hack to download Chris's tweets and put it in a neat MediaWiki table format. [http://github.com/wwwwolf/randomscripts/blob/master/twitter/dump_account.rb l33t scripts] in case you're interested. Will be updating this when or if Chris posts anything at all. --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 17:21, 2 January 2010 (CET)

== Comic Charecter Twitter's ==

I think the twitter accounts that are supposed to be the twitters of charecters in the comic warrent their own article. These twitters take place in the continuity of the comic.
http://twitter.com/Sonichu1/sonichugang -[[User:Briscoe|Cody]]
:*CWCKi is about Chris, not namefags. --[[User:Morganna|Morganna]] 03:03, 6 January 2010 (UTC)
* I know, but I didn't know why people havent mentioned these.-[[User:Briscoe|Cody]]
* I don't think it's too out of line to briefly describe what sort of trolling people did on the Twitter box on ''general terms'', though. Perhaps a Fan: page? --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 09:37, 6 January 2010 (UTC)

I agree there should be a fan page documenting the Sonichu character's twitters, seriously that's where almost everything Chris may or maynot aknowledge usually gets a page. - [[User:Hieghts503|Hieghts503]] 2:44 8 January 2010

==Captain's Log 09 March 2010==

Updating Da Biatch! [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 02:10, 10 March 2010 (UTC)
:*Done. This is the second [[Captain's Log]] on Twitter. I have the weird feeling that Chris's [[PSEye]] died and went to the big "Video-Game Store in the skies". [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 02:45, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

==Chris's "Voice"==

Is there any reason why Chris is 100x more articulate in his tweets than he is in his videos and comics? [[User:Llort|Llort]] 03:44, 10 March 2010 (UTC)

Talk:Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2010-03-09T01:11:22Z

Llort:

Just as a note since I'm too lazy to do it myself, I think "Robert" should be replaced with "Bob." At least, most trolls tend to know Chris's dad as "Bob" and tend to associate Robert with [[Robert Simmons V]]. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:13, 17 May 2009 (CEST)
:Finished. Looks like someone else had started it, but I went ahead and finished off the rest of the Roberts. [[User:Sakanz|sakanz]] 00:33, 6 December 2009 (CET)

In case anyone's looking for some "Mumble March"-type activities, there're just four minutes of this very long audio left to transcribe (shortly before the end of the tape). [[User:Llort|Llort]] 15:32, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:Correction: there's a ''ton'' of this left to transcribe, which I didn't notice earlier because the start is done, the end is done, and the whole thing's just so long. Maybe I can make a few improvements myself... [[User:Llort|Llort]] 14:26, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

==To do==

*<s>Transcribe 24:23 - 32:00.</s> '''Done.'''
:*I guess I'll start working on this myself. But if anyone else has already started working on this in secret, do let me know so that I'm not duplicating your efforts! [[User:Llort|Llort]] 04:58, 7 March 2010 (UTC)
*Transcribe 36:49 - 01:14:22.
:*This gap is 40 minutes long, so it'd probably make sense to divvy it up in some way. I don't know where any logical subject-matter breaks fall, though, so maybe just breaking it up into four 10-minute segments would be best?
*Transcribe 01:25:29 - 01:29:34.
:*This is only 4 minutes of audio to transcribe. Get to it!

Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2010-03-09T00:19:46Z

Llort: /* Transcript */ full copy edit of "Chris Fails at Flirting"

In [[March 2009]], [[Chris]] went on his first, and only date ever with a [[troll]] called [[Emily]]. For posterity's sake, the event was recorded, and is now presented in text format for your enjoyment, here.

The voices heard in the recording are that of an elite crack team of courageous trolls and trollettes.

==Cast==

'''Frosty:''' A whiz kid, his high-tech know-how keeps the group online.

'''Camwhore:''' "Emily's friend", her mission is to capture video of the event.

'''Emily:''' Queen of trolls, she risks both life and limb on a plunge into the heart of darkness.

'''Pickle Man:''' Brave and daring hero, he protects Emily from certain peril.

'''Chris:''' Misshapen manchild, his disgusting nature seeps into the very recording of his voice.

'''Bob:''' [[Bob|Robert Chandler]], the proud Internet lumberjack, yet also slave to the manchild.

==Transcript==

Throughout the recording, a mall full of shoppers produces a background din.

===Prelude (00:00 - 03:12)===

'''Frosty:''' Okay… lock it? 
'''Frosty:''' Okay-- 
'''Camwhore:''' Are you wearing a thong? With a-- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' That better be fuckin' ''tight''. 
'''Emily:''' It's tight. 
'''Camwhore:''' That may pop out while you're walking around, while you're like-- 
'''Emily:''' I should be like-- 
'''Camwhore:''' Or a robotic vagina. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' Say "It's my vibrator." 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' It's one of those things that you see taped to those-- those hentai-- 
'''Frosty:''' Well, the thing is, Chris-- he [unintelligible (but clearly imitating Chris's voice)] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Ungh, ungh, ungh, ungh! 
'''Emily:''' Okay, if he get's, like, ''way'' too close to me, I'm just gonna be like-- get my chair farther away. 
'''Camwhore:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' I really like your [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughs''] Maybe Barb-- Barbara can come. 
'''Emily:''' Apparently, she doesn't leave the house anymore. 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I'm just [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Frosty:''' There-- there are Barb candidates ''everywhere''. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' No, no, no, no, no, no. But-- but in all actuality, there should be no Barb; if there ''is'' Barb, I will shit myself. 
'''Emily:''' If there is Barb, we're-- we're done. 
'''Camwhore:''' We're not showing up. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' "You brought your mommy?" 
'''Emily:''' I should be like, "No – just put that shit in the bag, and we're not doing anything today." 
'''Camwhore:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' That's it. 
'''Camwhore:''' And you can call him and be like "You owe me a ''dire'' apology, and you're the… jack-off--" 
'''Emily:''' No – I'm sure I'm gonna yell at him, and make him ''cry''. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' And I'm gonna be like "Oh – I live in Clyde's playboy mansion now." [''laughs''] 
'''Frosty:''' No – even better! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [aside] I'm waiting. 
'''Camwhore:''' I'm ''part'' of Clyde's playboy mansion. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' I'm the janitor. 
[''all laugh loudly''] 
'''Emily:''' Okay – let's go see if he's there. 
'''Camwhore:''' ''You'' go see if he's there. 
'''Emily:''' ''No!'' 'Cause-- 'cause it's-- 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible (but about "a girl")] 
'''Emily:''' 'Cause I'm gonna make it like an entrance, like… ''"Hiii!"'' 
'''Pickle Man:''' Did he say where [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' No. Like, he wants to be-- he wants to meet in front of Chick-Fil-A, so… 
'''Camwhore:''' Figures! But the ''general'' idea would be you park near where you wanna… go. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' What if that [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [aside] [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' Do you see those pile of balloons right there? Swear to God: it looks like a penis. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' The balloons. Right here. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' It's a fuckin' penis. 
[pause] 
'''Camwhore:''' Nope. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' [''sighs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [''sighs''] 
[pause] 
'''Camwhore:''' There's that ugly bitch that looks like Hamster Girl… at Starbucks. 
'''Emily:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Camwhore:''' She ''looks'' like Hamster Girl. 
'''Pickle Man:''' ''Which'' one looks like Hamster Girl? 
'''Camwhore:''' Right there. The only one that you can see working? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Oh – over at Starbucks? You should see her with that hair off. 
'''Camwhore:''' No, no, no. She looks like Hamster Girl. [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm telling you: you should see her with that hair off! 
'''Camwhore:''' Oh – she don't have no hair? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Um… 
'''Camwhore:''' Oh – she has a fake-- 
'''Pickle Man:''' She has fake hair, or… she has no hair… or the hair back like this. 
'''Camwhore:''' Well, yeah – I knew that. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' I was gonna say: I don't-- I guess she dyed her hair blond. 'Cause I remember seeing her with some ugly, strange-colored hair.

===Target Acquired (03:13 - 04:43)===

'''Frosty:''' There he is! 
'''Emily:''' [startled] What? 
'''Frosty:''' [unintelligible (but about "a jacket")] 
'''Emily:''' Oh my God! 
'''Emily:''' [jokingly] Eject! Oh my God! 
'''Frosty:''' Is your [inaudible] on? [unintelligible (but clearly about "a jacket" again)] Are you ready? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I'm ready. [''laughs nervously''] This is gonna be my best acting moment ever. 
'''Pickle Man:''' He can't see my face before I suit up. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – go, like, look, 'cause he has to get down first. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Frosty:''' He'll realize later: that's what it was. 
'''Camwhore:''' I don't feel bad. 
'''Emily:''' Okay. 
'''Emily:''' Hopefully, he, like, won't come, like, around and-- [inaudibly interrupted] Huh? I don't have my phone. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' Oh my God… 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' If this goes all smoothly, I should get, like… 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] Where do I sit… to, like, watch [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Um, there's some ''benches'', like… by the tables. [abruptly] Oh! Oh! Oh, no. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Okay – there's some benches, like, ''nearby''… 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? 
'''Emily:''' Um, just sit and watch him [unintelligible] you need to go change or whatever. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. Well, I-- I started the-- I [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. I'll [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''exhales loudly''] Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Or just, like… kinda walk around and see if you can… see us.

===The Green Mile (04:44 - 05:19)===

Nothing but Emily's footfalls can be heard as she marches off to meet the manchild.

===Meet the Parent (05:20 - 07:17)===

'''Emily:''' ''Hi!'' 
'''Chris:''' Hello! Emily? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! I'm Emily. So nice to meet you! 
'''Chris:''' Hi, Emily. This is my father, Robert. 
'''Bob:''' Hello. 
'''Emily:''' Hello. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' I've started shopping a little bit. 
'''Chris:''' That's alright. 
'''Bob:''' You're from West Virgina? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… I used to live here for a while, but then, I-- 
'''Chris:''' [abruptly] Hey! 
'''Emily:''' But then, I moved to-- 
'''Chris:''' Cute hat! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I thought you might like it. 
'''Chris:''' [''laughs contentedly''] 
'''Bob:''' You go to school over there? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – University of West Virginia. My friend, uh, wanted to go to school there, and she's my best friend, so I have to… go with her everywhere! [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Bob:''' That sounds like the best way to do things! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Hey, Emily – you mind, uh, a photo of you and me together? 
'''Emily:''' Sure! 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' What are you taking? 
'''Emily:''' I'm doing journalism. 
'''Bob:''' What? 
'''Emily:''' ''Journalism.'' 
'''Bob:''' Journalism? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Ah! You wanna be a writer! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''giggles''] I did a lot-- 
'''Bob:''' He has a… [[Cole Smithey|''half-brother'']] who's-- who lives in New York City… and, uh, does ''freelance'' writing and show reviews and things… for newspapers and magazines. 
'''Emily:''' Is it-- does he love it? 
'''Bob:''' I ''guess''. 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles again''] 
'''Bob:''' I haven't talked to him in years… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I can't this dang camera to work! 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – that's-- I worked at, uh-- I'm an engineer… and engineers never learn how to spell. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' I think very logically, but I-- 
'''Chris:''' Shoot! I got bad batteries in the camera. 
'''Emily:''' [disappointed] Oh… 
'''Bob:''' If I would-- if I would ''write'' anything, half the words would be phonetically rather than the way we're… ''supposed'' to do. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Bob:''' I got along fine… writing stuff… on my ''word'' processor… when I had a ''spell'' checker. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Without that, I'm [unintelligible (but clearly self-deprecating)] [''laughs heartily''] 
'''Emily:''' Did you like doing engineering? 
'''Bob:''' Well… I-- I had a real ''u-''nique situation… 
[pause]

===Bob's Work History (07:18 - 16:58)===

'''Bob:''' Look, uh… I'm-- I'm really old. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Okay – to start with: I'm 81. And, uh, I came along ''before'' transistors. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Not-- not [unintelligible] stuff we have now, but even before ''transistors''… when we had vacuum tubes. 
'''Bob:''' I, uh… got drafted after World War II. That's how old. But, uh… then, they put me in the Signal Corps, and they knew things I didn't know. They taught me how to install valve systems and switchboards and telephone [unintelligible]. So, I found out: yeah – I'm pretty good at that. So, when I got out – 'course that was in 1947 – I found out-- now, I know that we had a deflation on our hands; I didn't know it then. 
'''Bob:''' You couldn't get a job, so, I thought "Well, I got the G.I. Bill. I'll go to school." 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – now, it's really hard to become an engineer. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – now, ya-- I, uh-- 
'''Bob:''' I went to… a state [unintelligible] college to start with, 'cause I had the philosophy that if I went to a big school I'd be just… swallowed up. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, I went to a small school and took Pre-Engineering for two years, and that was the best thing ''I'' ever did, 'cause I wound up, uh-- well, I got-- I got through my two years of Pre-Engineering in small classes. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And also, I loved music, and I was in the band and everything. And I got in the symphony orchestra… and learned a lot about music while I was up there. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I went to Auburn, and then [unintelligible] swallowed up! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Then, at that time, Auburn-- which now has what: 30,000 students, or something? Auburn had about 5,000 students. 
'''Bob:''' I got my Engineering degree. And then, when I got out, I said "Well, I'll, uh… I can do anything with relays and telephones and valve systems, and [inaudible]. I'm gonna work for Western Electric." 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' That seems logical, right? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' [suddenly offended somehow] Hey! 
'''Bob:''' Because they make, uh-- 
'''Chris:''' You-- no – you listen to my father… because he's somethin'! Because I get some of my intelligence from ''him''. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Especially my ''technological'' intelligence. 
'''Bob:''' But anyway, I, uh-- I went to work for them for 40 years, and, uh… at that point in time… 
'''Bob:''' Uh, this is even ''before'' the Atlas missile… the ICBM. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Bob:''' ''Before'' the Korean War… and, uh-- but, I-- I found out they were building ''radar'' systems. Well, that was fine, but also, they had lots of government money, so they wanted some automatic test equipment. At that time, ''nothing'' was automatic. They ''had'' none! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, that's what ''I'' went and built. [unintelligible] what I learned in the army, right? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, I started working with the first automatic test equipment that we ever made. And then, GE heard about it… and they came down to [unintelligible] in North Carolina. 
'''Bob:''' And-- so, GE came down; they offered me a job… up in upstate New York. Cold country in Utica. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Bob:''' And then, uh… I went down to build some automatic test equipment for the ICBM [unintelligible] Intercontinental Ballistic Missile. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Nobody knows how, 'cause we haven't done it before. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' We'd done some of this automatic test equipment down here. "Why don't you come up there?" "Well, okay!" 
'''Bob:''' So, I went up there for three years and helped develop the, uh, automatic…equipment… for testing the missiles, and… all the guidance systems, and things… in the [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' But-- but I got-- I was a soldier, true and tried, 'cause I was born in Texas and raised in Alabama. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I was in North Carolina first. And then, I hit upstate New York, and I froze to death. [''chuckles''] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah, that must be really different! [''laughs again''] 
'''Bob:''' Well, after three years, I said "I'm going back to somethin' [unintelligible]" Well, GE-- I didn't know it then, but I had a real, natural ''draw''… to the mountains. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And I knew about Roanoke, since I'd been in, uh, [unintelligible] So, I wanted to come back to Roanoke, and GE had plants there. 
'''Bob:''' And… they were there developing-- specializing in industrial automation. Except they didn't done any ''automation'' yet. They were just industrial-controlled. 
'''Bob:''' So, I finagled a transfer back to Roanoke, and… I got there just at the time when they were startin'… to make… any kind of automation controls for engines. 
'''Bob:''' So, I got into what they call "a new business area". And I got to do ''all'' the great things. All my-- I-- I really had it right. I was in the right places at the right time. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Because I am very ''logically-''inclined. 
'''Emily:''' That doesn't really happen nowadays, with the economy… 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – and I-- I'm a logician. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Oddly enough, I never learned how a transistor even works… on records. But I ''use'' 'em all the time. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I use 'em. I'm retired now, a long time. But… when I started out with this group, and the first thing we got into was trying to automate a steel mill… for rolling [unintelligible] steel for your cars. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Well, we did that. And then, I got into… how to roll papers so you could get Kleenex. 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] 
'''Chris:''' And, of course, y'know, he's the guy that designed the controls for all the plastic water machines, so without him at this time, you couldn't have the plastic for your glasses. 
'''Bob:''' And-- and then-- then, I got into-- I was in the new business area [unintelligible] we could do the first one… and then, somebody else would take over and do the others. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And-- and then, I got into managing a paper mill. But then, I got into the… industry of-- of, uh, like [unintelligible] warehousing, automatic transition, like BART: Bay Area Rapid Transit. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Automatic railroads and all that kind of stuff. Automated a bunch of that. Then, I got into automating a bunch of mine [unintelligible] around the world. 
'''Emily:''' You've been through a lot! 
'''Bob:''' And then, I went to automating tanker ships, so you could run 'em from the bridge and have nobody downstairs. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Just someone else involved-- 
'''Chris:''' Want some water? 
'''Emily:''' No, thank you. 
'''Bob:''' And, uh… then, uh-- then, um, I got into… I developed [unintelligible] I found out that there was very few people like me in the world that had this natural… inclination… for logic. 
'''Bob:''' Anyway, like the ands, and ors, and the what-ifs, and the what-if-nots. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I developed a system… called a [inaudible] that stands [unintelligible]. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' Hardware-oriented Y2K pile of junk! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Similar fortune… was in… ''hardware''. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' Hey, everybody – I got [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you. 
'''Bob:''' What this enables-- 
'''Chris:''' [unintelligible (but clearly addressing Emily)] 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] Thank you. 
'''Bob:''' What this enables everybody to do-- and me, too, but I was lazy… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Was to write down on-- on paper – and design on paper from the start – a sequence of parallel lines. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And up to that point, nobody had a way of writin' it down on paper. 
'''Emily:''' [''half-stifles a genuine laugh''] 
'''Bob:''' And they ''still'' don't, really! [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' But that [unintelligible] to mind, horse and buggy. 
'''Bob:''' Elevator-type system that's over a 5,000 ft hole! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Then, I got into, uh, designing… ''scooter'' machines, which fused all the plastic around wires, and things like that… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Scooters. And then, I got into… die-cast machines… and the machines automating ''them''. They make things like carburetors, and cans, and whatever. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I got into ''plastics''… and even the ''plastics'' were [unintelligible] automating their machines. In the process, I ended up with about… ''two'' patents [unintelligible] in ''my'' name that ''they'' own. And all this… dumb stuff. And I saw the first 2-liter Coke bottle… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Come off the line in New England. 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] on it, and all these [unintelligible] ''doors'', and-- and, um… ''shutters'', and stuff like that made out of plastic. All this stuff we got plastic. 
'''Chris:''' [unintelligible] in your frames! 
'''Emily:''' Yep! [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' Including, uh, Tupperware. 
'''Emily:''' Can't… go without Tupperware… 
'''Bob:''' So, then [unintelligible] ''finalized'' and-- and perfected, basically, this [unintelligible] process… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Of design and documentation. [unintelligible] It came time for me to retire. And so, I did! [''chuckles''] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' So, now, I'm ''un-''indated with all this stuff I did, and I don't know whether I did the world a good thing or not. 
'''Emily:''' I think you did! 
'''Bob:''' But I can't-- 
'''Emily:''' You did a lot of things. 
'''Bob:''' I can't spell the word "cat" without a K in it. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, well, y'know, [[Chris and his ego|I'm proud of him anyway]], for his [[fail|accompliment]]-- accom-''plish-''ments. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' He's got a ''half-''brother who [unintelligible] 
'''Chris:''' ''His'' son. 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh…'' okay. 
'''Bob:''' And he's got a-- and I have a daughter, who is his-- his half-sister… that's a… Phi Beta Kappa outta UVA Atlantic. 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh…'' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' She's workin' for the federal government, and she's got a PHD now. She's working somewhere for the federal government. All these math people… I dunno.

===Retired Life (16:59 - 24:22)===

'''Emily:''' I'm not very good at math. [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' I'm not that-- 
'''Emily:''' That's why-- 
'''Bob:''' I'm good at ''logic'', but not at math. 
'''Chris:''' But ''I'm'' good at math! 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Bob:''' He's not good at math when it comes to managing money. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Chris:''' Hey – look! Hey – look it! I have… ''your'' plastic lid on it! 
[''Chris chuckles and Emily laughs''] 
'''Bob:''' We've been working with him, now, for 27 years. 
'''Bob:''' It was a challenge. ''Most'' of the time, I've been retired, so I could [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… usually, if you're not very good at math, you're really good at writing, which is why I'm going for journalism. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – well, I, um… I did-- I do alright with writing as long as I got a spell checker. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' I just, uh-- I-- but I enjoyed my life. It-- it, uh-- it-- I had… things; I had-- I had opportunities that most people don’t get. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I got to see all this stuff now. 
'''Emily:''' That’s good. I hope that, like, y'know, I can travel around the world and, y'know… write up-- do some journalism, like, overseas. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – I’ve been to Australia, and I’ve been to Korea, and I've been to England. 
'''Bob:''' ''Most'' people [unintelligible] to see 'em, but [unintelligible] I've never seen, 'cause they work too good. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Well, it-- it was interesting. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' I wish I could get-- find out what ''Christian's'' really good-- well, he’s pretty good in drawing… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' And writing. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – he-- she should know; she-- you’ve-- you should know; you've seen a bunch of [[Chris and art|my artwork]]. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! It’s really good! All my-- all my friends like it, as well. 
'''Bob:''' [[Chris and copyright|He’s ''creative'']]… but he’s, um… I-- I guess you know he’s-- [[autism|he's high-functioning autistic]]… and, um… 
'''Chris''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' At 6, he couldn’t even ''talk''… but he was… ''programming'' [unintelligible] computer: his Commodore computer… 
'''Chris:''' Commodore 64. 
'''Bob:''' [''laughs''] Which was his first little-- 
'''Emily:''' Oh! I don’t know very many-- much about computers! [''giggles''] Sorry! [''giggles some more''] 
'''Bob:''' You’ve probably got a laptop, with a word processor, don't ya? 
'''Emily:''' [reluctantly] Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah – but you-- 
'''Bob:''' Now, we've-- we-- we’ve brought him a long way. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' It’s been interesting. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… well, that’s a little piece for you-- that you can, uh, write about, if you want to. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! That-- that would be interesting. 
'''Chris:''' Anyway, you-- anyway, you came all the way here from, uh, VCU? Or did you make a few stops along the way? 
'''Emily:''' No – I came all the way from VCU. Um… like, a lot of my fr-- uh, friends over at VCU? They're into the whole Sonichu thing, but there’s a lot more… uh, like, I guess "Sonichu Girls"… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Up in, uh, the University of West Virginia. And we… k-- we kinda do, like, a newsletter-type thing every week. 
'''Chris:''' Wow. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' But this is in one of my favorite spots in the country. 
'''Chris:''' [responding belatedly to Emily] I commend you for that. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] little trees on West Avenue. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' Have you heard of West Avenue? 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' You know where West Avenue is? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – a little bit; I don’t… really go in that area. 
'''Bob:''' They're at the end of VCU, then? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] I don’t know that area very well. 
'''Bob:''' It’s-- it's a street of, uh, townhouses. And it's about three blocks long. And it’s got a second name called "Stork Alley". 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And every spring, they have a "Stork Alley Rally". 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? Oh… 
'''Bob:''' At the same time, they have the Easter parade over on Monument Avenue. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I’ve never seen it before, but my friends tell me about it. But I’m usually stuck in, y'know… college. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – but-- but I was only in Richmond… um… 1975 through 1980. And then, I got married to ''his'' mother. And, um… ''he'' was born, and then, we got transferred over here; I worked for GE. 
'''Bob:''' And we lived in Chesterfield County… but I ''love'' West Avenue; that’s my favorite spot. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' I call it "Sesame Street". 
'''Emily:''' Oh, that’s… [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Because they call it "Stork Alley", 'cause there’s so many kids. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah? 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' I-- I-- I love the Virginian area. 
'''Bob:''' His ''mother''… was raised – but you wouldn’t believe it – she-- she was raised in a [unintelligible] home. And one that's [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' Right there on, um… I can’t think of the name of that street: the one that goes right in front of the Burger King… down at… VCU. 
'''Emily:''' I don’t know what… streets really are-- 
'''Bob:''' Well, again-- but that is a street that goes right in front of Burger King… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And right down the street from there is where… ''his'' mother lived for about 20 years and raised her first son. 
'''Bob:''' And he’s got a lot of ties to the family, too; he just doesn’t like me. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… do you guys have a big family? 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' Well, uh, we’ve got-- we've got ''my'' son, and my daughter. 
'''Bob:''' You-- my son’s in Richmond, and my daughter’s in Washington. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And then, we’ve got ''her'' son, who's in New York. And then, there’s the three of us. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – Schiflett's a really big family. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – we got… two-- really, two separate families. 
'''Emily:''' Mmm. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… but it’s not as big as The Brady Bunch! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' No… it isn't. 
'''Emily:''' No. 
'''Bob:''' But we-- we-- we enjoy it, and I-- I have-- uh, I grow flowers. And… I don’t have to worry about… makin' a livin' anymore… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' With Social Security, and… the GE pension. And GE's good and sound… fortunately! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' So, uh… I-- I grow day lilies. I’ve gotten my yard full of [unintelligible] 
'''Bob:''' And in the middle, I’ve got a, um… well, about 15 [unintelligible] greenhouse. 
'''Emily:''' Oh? 
'''Bob:''' Except… inside this greenhouse, it’s different. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Inside this greenhouse, there’s ''plastic'' flowers. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – ''plastic'' flowers? 
'''Bob:''' A ''swing''… and, uh, all my ''stereo'' stuff, and, uh… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – but he’s got ''real'' flowers in his garden. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. Oh, okay. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – the day lilies are real, in the garden; but inside here, it’s all flat. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – day lilies bloom about once a year, during-- dur-- about ''once''-- 
'''Bob:''' In the summer. 
'''Chris:''' This-- this summer. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Bob:''' There-- there's also that-- 
'''Chris:''' And then, they stay that way for about a month or so. It’s a beautiful garden. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, I can imagine! 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – I’ve got about 15,000 healthy-- 
'''Chris:''' [dreamily/creepily] ''Imagine!'' 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And I-- I love all the music from-- from [unintelligible (but seemingly naming a pair of musical artists)]. 
'''Chris:''' Raise me on music, he did! 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' And-- and musicals. And soundtracks. 
'''Emily:''' Well, what’s ''your'' favorite artist? 
'''Chris:''' Uh, my favorite artist? Well, he didn’t raise me on it, but, y'know, my favorite ss-- uh… ''singer'' is Britney Spears. 
'''Emily:''' Britney Spears? 
'''Bob:''' And, uh, he's got all-- uh, mine are all back from the '40s, and '30s, and '20s, and-- 
'''Emily:''' And he’s into… more ''modern'' pop music? 
'''Chris:''' Although… I guess if I had to pick a ''classic'' favorite, it would have to be ''Satchmo''. 
'''Emily:''' "Satchmo"? 
'''Chris:''' Louis Armstrong. 
'''Bob:''' And-- but [unintelligible] all these big ''classics'' now-- 
'''Chris:''' [''does Satchmo impression''] "Ten feet off the ground!" 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Chris:''' [''imitates trumpet melody''] 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when it came out. All the European [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when they came out, 'cause they were [unintelligible] but now, you can get 'em at Goodwill and Salvation Army… 
'''Emily:''' Well-- 
'''Bob:''' A ''quarter'' to ''fifty'' cents apiece. 
'''Emily:''' [feigning enthusiastic agreement] Yeah! [''laughs weakly''] 
'''Bob:''' ''Thousands'' of them now! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And inside, uh, I found out that inside this, um… um… ''greenhouse''… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm? 
'''Bob:''' It's got a ''dome'' ceiling… which gives it the ca-- ''cathedral'' [unintelligible] 
'''Bob:''' Well… I found this ''great'' stereo system at, uh-- in the 1970s, at Goodwill… and put ''it'' out there… along with the swing. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' And… if you turn the volume up, then that music just sounds like it’s the hall where they ''recorded'' it! Ah – it's great! 
'''Bob:''' Goin' out there and swingin' with my music for hours on end! 
'''Emily:''' [unintelligible] 
'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily''] 
'''Emily:''' That must be really relaxing! 
'''Bob:''' Well, yeah – it's a nice life! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely'']

===Bob's Health Problems (24:23 - 25:29)===

'''Bob:''' If I didn't have to worry about ''him'', I'd be in ''great'' shape! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs sympathetically''] 
'''Bob:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Chris:''' [''laughs nervously''] [unintelligible] But he's been-- still been in… good shape all his [unintelligible] I mean, he's been in-- he's been through, uh, ''three'' triple-- ''two'' triple-bypasses? 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – I was supposed to ''die'' in 1980. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no! What happened? 
'''Bob:''' In fact, I ''did''. 
'''Emily:''' What happened? 
'''Bob:''' I smoked too much… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Bob:''' And, um… I worked for GE. 
'''Bob:''' I did all this dumb stuff I shouldn't have. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah-- but yeah – he-- but yes – uh… 
'''Bob:''' And, um… 
'''Chris:''' God let him survive! 
'''Bob:''' I had a couple heart attacks, and… 
'''Emily:''' [responding to Chris] Yeah – for a reason! 
'''Chris:''' And he's got a pacemaker now! 
'''Bob:''' Yeah… I-- I've been through-- I lived through a triple-bypass in 1980 [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Bob:''' And survived that… so, [[Chris and death|I've only died a couple times!]] 
'''Bob:''' And then, I got-- I got through that. 
'''Bob:''' Then, ''he'' came along. 
'''Chris:''' Hey! He come-- 
'''Bob:''' And then, I-- I got retired… 
'''Chris:''' Hey! 
'''Emily:''' Hmm? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – hey – he's the one that's b-- that has seen the light, but did not actually go ''to'' it… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And, um… 
'''Chris:''' A ''number'' of times. 
'''Bob:''' I had ''another'' triple-bypass in '92… 
'''Bob:''' And I died a couple times [unintelligible] 
'''Bob:''' And that was at Chippenham, over in Chester County. 
'''Emily:''' Oh…

===Memories of High School (25:30 - 26:12)===

'''Bob:''' And, uh… when I was over there with him, I-- I put him to school through, uh, ''Chesterfield'' County's school system. 
'''Chris:''' Uh… 
'''Bob:''' Well, they're the best in the country… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Bob:''' For-- for schools [unintelligible] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Bob:''' And-- and, um… 
'''Chris:''' Manchester High. 
'''Emily:''' [disinterested] Oh, really? 
'''Bob:''' Then, um… 
'''Chris:''' That's my birthstone: [[Amnyfest Ring|amnyfest]]. 
'''Emily:''' And the ''side'' of it… 
'''Emily:''' What does it say: "Lancers"? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Is that-- wait – is that your mascot? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Then…what's on the other side? "2000"? 
'''Chris:''' Yes… that's my class and coat'a arms. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' Manchester High School. And look at the jewel! It's a galaxy cut on top, and [[rainbow|a rainbow]] on the bottom. If you look at-- in the ring-- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' Do you see-- 
'''Emily:''' I see it! 
'''Chris:''' Do you see the rainbow? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. [[speech impediment|Well, anyway, like, y'know,]] I guess that's enough-- y'know, that's enough talk from ''him''. Uh… you were gonna ask… 
'''Emily:''' Aww… 
'''Chris:''' ''Me'' something?

===The "Sonichu Girls" Club (26:13 - 29:01)===

'''Bob:''' Now, I wanna find out about these… ''Sonichu'' Girls! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Sonichu Girls? 
'''Bob:''' 'Cause I didn't know about them. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – didn't… Chris tell you about them? 
'''Bob:''' No – he doesn't-- no – he doesn't normally-- he doesn't… ''tell'' me much about them, so… 
'''Bob:''' See – he's a-- he-- he and his mother stay up all night… and I stay up all day. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' Uh… actually reminds me more-- actually, we're more-- sometimes, you stay up in the day; sometimes, you stay up in the night. 
'''Emily:''' So, you've got, like, ''mixed''… like, sleep schedules, I guess? 
'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''… my mom-- and my-- my mom picked up my bad biological-- my messed-up [[biological clock]]. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Bob:''' She stays up all night! 
'''Bob:''' But anyway… I-- I-- yeah – I found out about 'em from… I guess, when you called on the phone… 
'''Emily:''' Oh! [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And-- and left a message. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – it's a pretty big fanbase. Um… there's actually about-- about 30-some girls… at University of West Virginia who, like, are part of the fan club. 
'''Bob:''' Hmm! 
'''Emily:''' And then, there's-- I mean, there's, uh, plenty of others, like, around the world, too, that-- we talk to… um, on the forums that we have? 
'''Bob:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Do-- you got one here in UVA? 
'''Emily:''' I don't know… [''giggles''] I don't have very many friends at UVA. 
'''Bob:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Emily:''' That's why I heard-- that's why. 
'''Bob:''' VCU's [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. They're a lot more laid-back over there. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah. Well, they're in the sand! How else could you be? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' 'Cause in the sand, you have to be laid-back. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' Y'know, I was curious about this-- this club… 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? 
'''Bob:''' I-- I didn't know he even knew about it! ''I'' didn't know about it. I think it's great! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Hey – I've been on the Internet chat! And plus, y'know… 
'''Bob:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Y'know, certain-- 
'''Bob:''' Plus [[medallion|the ''medallion'']], Christian! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… um… 
'''Bob:''' He's got this yellow medallion with Sonichu on it… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! Why-- why aren't you wearing your… [suddenly concerned] m-- medallion? 
'''Chris:''' Um… I just believe I expressed that, uh… in a video on, uh, YouTube? But I-- I, uh… 
'''Emily:''' I might've missed that; I'm not sure. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – um… I'd rather not say in front of-- I'd rather not say in front of ''Father''… but, uh… 
'''Bob:''' There's a lot of things he doesn't tell me; he doesn't share things with me. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh''… [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' [whispering] If I told him why, he'd have ''another'' heart attack… 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no! [''laughs politely''] 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely again''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' But I mean, y'know… think of it this way: at least you don't have another face that you have-- you don't-- it saves you one face to have to look at! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – and look at 'em, y'know: they're ashually ''green-blue''. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I see it! 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – pink eye in that eye, and then, uh, the prescribed eye drops changed the pigment! 
'''Emily:''' Wow… I didn't know that… could happen! [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. ''Yeah''… looks like you kinda, like, uh, have green-brown eyes yourself? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Uh… 
'''Emily:''' I thought they were just plain brown! [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – it's just that-- y'know, it's-- the angle of the light kinda gave it a little bit of a greenish tint… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible]

===Emily Isn't Hungry (29:02 - 29:58)===

'''Chris:''' Yeah… but ''anyway'', uh… you came all the way from VCU; uh… you hungry? 
'''Emily:''' Oh – no, I'm not hungry. I ate on the way here, really. 
'''Chris:''' Oh – you-- 
'''Emily:''' Stopped at, like, a rest stop. Got some vending m-- [''laughs nervously''] vending machine snacks… and that's it. 
'''Chris:''' ''Oh.'' That's good. 
'''Chris:''' That's good; uh… ''Father'' was thinkin' about, like-- was gonna get us ''spaghetti'', and, uh… [truly flustered] we wanna sh-- we wanna split it be-- he was gonna split it between me, and, uh… I'm gonna split mine with you… 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no… I'm not hungry. Thank you, though! 
'''Chris:''' [weakly] Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' We usually split a spaghetti, 'cause I-- I can't eat it all! 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''… it's a really big bowl for him… 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Chris:''' Really… ''whoop!'' 
[''Emily laughs and Chris chuckles''] 
'''Bob:''' It's not as big as I'd like… y'know… it's bigger! 
'''Emily:''' No… [''giggles''] 
'''Chris:''' Let's see… well, Dad – why don't you go get your spaghetti? 
'''Bob:''' Do you want some? 
'''Emily:''' No. I'm-- I'm not hungry. Thank you, though… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… we could get you some ''water''. 
'''Emily:''' No – I'm not thirsty, as well. 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. Okay – well, go ahead and get your sh-- go ahead and get the spaghetti, Father. 
'''Bob:''' Alright.

===Bob's Health Problems Revisited (29:59 - 32:11)===

'''Bob:''' Yeah – I got one other thing I was gonna tell you about… 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? 
'''Bob:''' Since we've talked about it: on that, uh… I've died about five times now. 
'''Bob:''' The last time, I was at Golden Corral. The restaurant? 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] 
'''Chris:''' And… my mom was there with him. 
'''Bob:''' [''chuckles''] I just… hit the floor! 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no! 
'''Chris:''' No – not really; uh… he was-- uh, he was pullin' out his credit c-- not really "hit the floor", but… he was pullin' out his, uh, credit card? 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm? 
'''Chris:''' And he would've… hit a-- he was standing in front of, like, the cash register, and there was a bar railing there; the bar rail was there. If he-- if my mom wasn't there to catch him… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Chris:''' His-- like his guardian angel, he would'a hit the bar and would've been… worse… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' Would've been worse off! 
'''Emily:''' Oh, wow… 
'''Bob:''' But anyway, uh, now, I've got a pacemaker. 
'''Emily:''' Wow. [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – and ''that's'' when he got his pacemaker. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Bob:''' I guess that won't happen in, uh… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' But I-- I think the [unintelligible] reason why I survived all those attacks… which I think I'm ''proud'' of… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm? 
'''Bob:''' I don' t know about you. 
'''Chris:''' ''He's'' proud of it. 
'''Bob:''' ''I'm'' proud of it. I don't know whether ''he'' is or not. 
'''Chris:''' I'm proud of him, for it! 
'''Bob:''' But I'm, um-- I found out a few years ago-- about… 10 or 15 years ago… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm? 
'''Bob:''' That I was… at least one-fourth Cherokee! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – so, that makes me an eighth… Cherokee. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, I figured that-- and then, I checked back all my father's… relatives [unintelligibile] all the way up to be up in their 80s, and 90s, and even over ''100'' sometimes. 
'''Emily:''' Dang! [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Well, I figured: well, that's why I keep bouncin' back from this. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' This ain't my time yet. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – either that or, uh, God's lettin' him stick around for my… c-- for ''my'' case. 
'''Bob:''' Somebody's gotta look out for him! 
'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Bob:''' [''cackles''] 
'''Chris:''' [''cackles almost identically''] 
'''Bob:''' Somebody's gotta pay the bills! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously again''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… okay, Dad, uh… you s-- alright, Dad-- 
'''Bob:''' Now-- now, I'm dismissed, so I can go [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs nervously yet again''] 
'''Chris:''' Well… not really "dismissed", because… y'know, I'm a little hungry myself… 
'''Chris:''' So… [''laughs nervously''] y'know, Dad, please go get the spaghetti and the bread. 
'''Bob:''' You sure you don't want something? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I'm sure. Thank you for asking, though. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – y'know, I was concerned, myself. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Well, I'll let you two talk… mainly to save the table… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah… 
'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily''] Then, I'll come back, and… 
'''Bob:''' If you don't mind us eatin' in front of you! 
'''Emily:''' I don't mind. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' You better tell me more about this club you've got! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
[''Bob walks away'']

===Chris Fails at Flirting (32:12 - 36:48)===

'''Chris:''' Mmm. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – y'know, you-- uh… I must say you look ''good''. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – thank you! 
'''Chris:''' And, y'know, you are the first, uh, female Sonichu fan to have actually come a long distance to see me. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – well, it's not that far! I’m sure, like, maybe some of the girls from VCU would come down sometime: like, maybe during s-- uh… summer break. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – but I mean, at least all the way from, uh, West Virginia. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' I mean, that’s farther than VCU, I'm sure. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely''] 
'''Emily:''' We might take a road trip down here. 
'''Chris:''' [in a sing-song voice] "Take a road trip! It's a little road trip!" 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. 
'''Chris:''' [''does terrifying Donald Duck impression''] "And this is my duck talk! This is, uh, Donald Duck!" 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs in disbelief''] [almost fearful] Is that the one that scared that child? 
'''Chris:''' Uh… at the-- 
'''Emily:''' At Wendy’s. 
'''Chris:''' Uh… 
'''Emily:''' I don’t know how that’s scary. 
'''Chris:''' No – not-- not-- no – not-- really scary; y'see, he was ''tired''… 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh''… okay. So, you… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' But it makes a lot of children smile, ‘cause they’re familiar with that D-- classic Disney character. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''… you mi-- you don’t mind if I t-- if I, uh, have my hand on your shoulder? 
'''Emily:''' Uh, not for too long… 
'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] "Not for too long". 
'''Emily:''' ''Okay''… not-- not for too long… 
'''Chris:''' Okay… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. [''chuckles again''] This is like-- wow – I finally… get, like, this… beautiful girl in front of me… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] Thank you. 
'''Chris:''' And she's like-- and she actually got to know ''me''. 
'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Just, like, y'know, uh… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. So… what’s your-- what's the reason you need ''your'' glasses for? I’m ''near-''sighted myself. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I’m nearsighted, as well. 
'''Chris:''' Oh. 
'''Emily:''' I don’t have very good eyes. 
'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] It's like, y'know, we’re close, so it's like, y'know, we don’t need glasses to see each other… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Do we? 
'''Emily:''' Hmm… no – it's still blurry… 
'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''… 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. How do you look without that hat? I mean, I want-- I'd like to see the, uh… 
'''Emily:''' I-- I like this hat. My hair doesn’t look good today. 
'''Chris:''' Oh… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Your hair doesn’t look good today? Are you sure? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I’m sure. [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' How’s my hair look? 
'''Emily:''' It looks good! 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. Looks good. 
'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] Boy – I've had it sleepin' against ''pillows''… and I took a shower before I went-- before I went to-- um, crashing on the… couch. 
'''Emily:''' [slightly disgusted] Oh… 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – but I put on some, uh, bod-- body s-- some [[Axe|Axe body spray]] before I left. Do you like that smell? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – it depends on which one it is. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Uh, which one is it? 
'''Chris:''' I believe it's, uh… it's called "Proximity". 
'''Emily:''' Oh – I ''really'' like the choc-- the new chocolate one. 
'''Chris:''' Oh – the, uh, "Dark Temptation"… 
'''Emily:''' ''Yeah.'' 
'''Chris:''' Oh – I was running low on that can anyway. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… okay. 
'''Chris:''' It's like I-- if I-- if I-- if we-- if we was hookin' up, I would've gotten more of that! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
[Note: Chris both stutters ''and'' laughs through "if we was hookin' up", so it's not at all clear that Emily realizes what she's laughing at.] 
'''Chris:''' [''sighs''] But seriously, though: you ''are'' cute. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – thank you. 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. ''Mmm''… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – I like-- I like this-- I like this-- I like the get-up you’re wearing. It's like you're-- you c-- you straight-- came straight from, uh… the, uh, PGSM… show. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah… [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' It's the live-action [[Sailor Moon]]. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I’ve seen some of the episodes for that. 
'''Chris:''' I’ve got the entire series-- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Saved to my PlayStation 3, including the, uh, wedding episode. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – I don’t… think I’ve… seen that one… so… 
'''Chris:''' Its, like, the very-- it's, like, a very special ''last'' episode. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' [in a strange, baby-like voice] You actually get to see ''Usagi''… [back to his normal voice] and, uh-- aww, shoot – I forget his name, but, y'know… 
'''Emily:''' Uh… Mamoru? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – Samoru. That’s it; ''you'' got it. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' You ''got'' it! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' You got it. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I used to be a really big fan of Sailor Moon. Well, I still am; I’m just not as big of a fan as… nowadays. 
'''Chris:''' [unintelligible] entire anime series? 
'''Emily:''' Um, I haven’t seen the ''last'' season. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – Sailor Stars. 
'''Emily:''' ''Yeah''… 'cause it didn’t come out in America, 'cause they’re, like, afraid of the transsexuals? 
'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously''] 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – I kn-- I know that. But I ''have'' that on, uh-- I have that on ''DVD''-- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Uh, y'know, with J-- Japanese audio and English subtitles. 
'''Emily:''' How do you feel about that? Like, the transsexuals and… the Sailor Starlights? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Um… 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' Does it, like, make you uncomfortable, or… would you-- 
'''Chris:''' No. 
'''Emily:''' Would you have minded if, like, it came out, and the TV showed just, like, little kids? 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Um… 
'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''… [pitiful] I don’t have much of an opinion… 
[''Emily and Chris both laugh''] 
'''Emily:''' It's kind of a… sketchy subject, there. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – it's, uh-- it's… [in a British accent] ''itchy''… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – but you can sketch a lot in your, uh… journalism, don't ya? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Well, I m-- I mean, we don’t draw a lot; we just… 
'''Emily:''' We do, like, the little outlines, and then, we start writing. 
'''Chris:''' Okay – well, I mean, you-- I mean, you sketch your ''letters''. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I bet you sketch your signature pretty… don’t you? 
'''Emily:''' No – I thinks it's, uh-- it's just basically a bunch'a scribbles. 
[''Chris and Emily both laugh''] 
'''Chris:''' Eh… a lot of people would say that about their signatures, I’m sure. 
'''Emily:''' Well, I mean, some people just, like, put an X for their signature, and that’s it. 
'''Chris:''' ''Ah''… but not you. You put… 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' An E and… an S, basically. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' Uh-- uh, an S? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – Emily Schiflett. 
'''Chris:''' Oh – ''that’s'' your last name! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' "Schiflett". 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – my middle name’s Julia. 
'''Chris:''' ''"Julia"!'' 
'''Emily:''' ''Yeah.'' 
'''Chris:''' "Emily Julia Schiflett". 
'''Emily:''' [weakly] Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Flows nicely, doesn’t it? 
'''Chris:''' It's beautiful! 
'''Emily:''' Aww… thank you. 
'''Chris:''' D-- do you dot your I in "Julia" with a heart? 
'''Emily:''' No… [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' [''chuckles''] 
[pause]

===(36:49 - 01:14:22)===

{{Transcription}}

===A Walk to Remember (01:14:23 - 01:21:43)===

Chris and Emily awkwardly leave Bob who continues to ramble as they clomp off through the mall. 
'''Bob:''' Take care. 
'''Chris:''' Alright come on, Emily, let's, let's walk… 
Bob babbles on about sending something. 
'''Emily:'''Okay… okay, you can show me around the mall… 
'''Chris:''' Okay! Here's our… heights… You… you come to just about my eyeline. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous tittering* 
They walk quietly for a moment as Chris mutters something quietly. 
'''Chris:''' *sigh* So where you li… where do you usually like to go shopping at when you're at a shopping center? 
'''Emily:''' *impatiently* Clothes stores. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, they have a number of clothing stores in, uh… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' … a J.C. Penney and a Sears, among other places that uh, more name brands… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah a lot of the stores here are, if you take a look, take a look at the prices and they're pretty expensive. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… Yeah… but, you know, they used to ha- they used to have a Kay-Bee Toys here and I- that's where I got my- turns out- my thousand dollar shopping spree I won around the… around the Adventures- the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog… 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Chris:''' That sweepstakes, you might remember I put something about that… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' … you might remember that, uh, news clip… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! I've seen it. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
Chris nervously takes a few steps. 
'''Chris:''' Wow… you're like… I'm sorry. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' I'm just fascinated like… you're just like… a character from PGSM or from- came all the way from Japan- just leapt out of my television! 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* No I'm definitely all American. 
'''Chris:''' You're all American. 
'''Emily:''' I'm all American. 
'''Chris:''' Okay- so it's just- it's just your eyes that are excepting. 
'''Emily:''' *shameless subject change* Yeah… so what's your favorite store here? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah it's- currently, since they took away the toy store- I think it's- I would say it's mostly Gamestop, but I also go to the bookstore or Sears, or even the Spencer's that's down on the other side of the mall. And they used to have an FYE here, which was a Suncoast before- before it- before they all merged and became an FYE, but then they closed that to make the next business here. 
'''Emily:''' What's down the other way… cause I've been… I came down this way, but I haven't been down that way. 
'''Chris:''' Okay, we'll go down that way! Alright. I hope- Hope you don't mind me sticking around your left side… 
'''Emily:''' *bravely* Okay, that's fine! 
'''Chris:''' I mean, I guess I should keep my hands to myself and behave, right? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, you should probably do that. 
'''Chris:''' I mean, I'm just trying to be friendly. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' But, you know, not- but you know- respectful- touch you gently on the shoulder or the back- 
'''Emily:''' *vomitously* Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I mean at least I'm not that guy from Inuyasha that… go- eh- go for the bum. 
'''Emily:''' *vomitously* Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Heh-heh, that's funny. Always get slapped in the face, he does. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I forget his name, I think it's Mamoru, or something like that 
'''Emily:''' Uh… . it's Miroku. 
'''Chris:''' *talking over her* Do you watch Inuyasha? Yeah, Miroku, that was it, you hi- you hit it on the head right there… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
Emily awkwardly walks several steps… 
'''Emily:''' *delaying* Is that the… food court there? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah that's basically the food court. 
'''Emily:''' OK… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah it use- it used to have McDonalds here- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' … soooo many years ago across from the Gamestop there, back then it was called Babbages… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' And then between them and Suncoast was FunCo Land and Software Etc. and they all merged into a Ga- they all merged into Gamestop 
'''Emily:''' Oh… never heard about that… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… I'm sh- I'm sh- I'm sure you must've at least noticed those game stores back in your youth- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… I play video games sometimes, but not very often… 
'''Salesman:''' HELLO WOULD YOU LIKE HARAAGARALABHGH 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no thank you! 
'''Chris:''' No thank you! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… right over- see- where that *unintelligble name of store*, that's where PacSun used to be, where Anna McLerran 
'''Emily:''' Oh yeah… I've… I've heard of her as well… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Emily:''' Is she still around? 
'''Chris:''' No she, uh- moved to Utah. 
'''Emily:''' Utah… 
'''Chris:''' She's a Mormon. Found that out after I met her. But we cam- but we- but we could became good friends and I gave her, uh, you know, gave her a going away/birthday party before she left for Utah… 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh! 
'''Chris:''' For her 20th birthday… and actually her- actual- and actually her friends, uh, her friends and I got together and put together the party. *emphatically* I k- I bought the cake. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, that's nice of you… and… there was also Megan. Do you keep in contact with her? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah uh… no, not-no-n-n-not-been-touch with her for a long time. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' That's cause she moved to another state. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… did she move to Utah too? 
'''Chris:''' Uh, no, I don't think she moved to Utah, I don't even remember where she moved to. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' But you know, sometimes, I, uh, I dream I'm back in uh, Manchester High, you know, I get to see all my- all my old s- c- all my old friends… there. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Sometimes I even see Megan and John in there… John's her brother… 
'''Emily:''' Oh ok… 
'''Chris:''' Can you believe that, attending Manchester High like I was back then, 
'''Emily:''' *small laughter* 
'''Chris:''' … but yet they never went- they never been- they never been to Manchester High, neither of them. Isn't that… kinda funny? 
'''Emily:''' *slightly sarcastically* Yeah… that is kinda funny! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… FYE was over there… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… I guess it's becoming a LensCrafters? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I guess… anyway here's the Spencer's. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' If you like looking at the, uh, naughty stuff- 
'''Emily:''' *quickly* No, I'm not into that. 
'''Chris:''' Not yet anyway! *laughs* 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' Ah, but you might. But it's mostly humorous, anyway. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… well… doesn't look like there's anything down here… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… not much… not much to look at around here… the toy stores around here are down here… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… well I gotta get going soon, it's gonna be a long drive! 
'''Chris:''' Long drive… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Well I hope, uh, you at least, uh, keep the memories we've shared… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah I'll walk you to your car, if you want… 
'''Emily:''' No, I'll probably have to go to the bathroom first… it's that time of the month… 
'''Chris:''' Oh. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, when you're on your, uh, period… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, aside from the, uh, first time, uh, meeting, this first meeting, uh, how do you feel about me? In general… 
'''Emily:''' You're a really nice guy! 
'''Chris:''' Thank you… 
'''Emily:''' I don't know why people pick on you and all that… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, they should get to know me in person… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I mean I'm a gentleman, I behave… behave… 
'''Emily:''' *steering the beast* Have you been into any of these stores over here?

===Meet the Pickle (01:21:44 - 01:25:29)===

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] Yeah, so, um, you wouldn't want to go see Watchmen, would you? 
'''Chris:''' Uh… no. 
'''Emily:''' I'd see that movie. 
'''Chris:''' *shocked* Uh… any particular reason why you're dressed up like that? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Not in particular. 
'''Chris:''' Come on, Emily. 
'''Emily:''' What? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Hey, hey, maybe the lady wants to go with me. Ya, ya want to go see Watchmen? Lots of, uh… 
'''Emily:''' *gloating* Why, what's wrong? 
'''Chris:''' The man in the pickle suit… a- it's apparent this guy's amongst the… trolls. 
'''Pickle Man:''' You think… 
'''Emily:''' What's a tro… 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Passerby:''' Sir… sir, what are you? 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm a pickle. 
'''Passerby:''' You're a pickle! I love pickles. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? Pickles are pretty cool. 
'''Passerby:''' And who are you advertising with? 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm not really advertising. 
'''Passerby:''' You're just dressed for fun? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Just bored. 
'''Chris:''' Dressed as a pickle to HAUNT ME. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Excuse me? I don't even know you. 
'''Passerby:''' You're just bored? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yep! 
'''Chris:''' *questioningly* You don't even know me… are you sure… do you have internet access? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Lots of people have internet access. 
'''Chris:''' Do you know Sonichu and Rosechu? 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. 
'''Chris:''' Do you know about Encyclopedia Dramatica? 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. (turning to Emily) Want to go see Watchmen? 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs* No, no, no, she's with- 
'''Emily:''' Alright! 
'''Chris:''' … she's h- she's headed over to- she's heading back to her home town. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, Watchmen would be pretty cool. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, it would be pretty cool! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, alright, uh… 
'''Emily:''' Let's go see it! 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah? 
'''Pickle Man:''' (to Emily as they turn to leave together) You've probably seen Watchmen (he refers to the novel), haven't you? 
'''Chris:''' (answering the question meant for Emily as he is clearly left behind) I've heard of Watchmen… 
'''Pickle Man:''' *laughs at Chris* 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' (inaudible, but clearly saying something to the effect that he doesn't like the Pickle Man.) 
'''Emily:''' *gloating* What's wrong with him? 
'''Pickle Man:''' What, you like pickles? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… I do not like pickles. 
'''Pickle Man:''' No pickles? 
'''Chris:''' And also particularly a guy in a pickle suit who tricked me on the internet pretending that he was Blanca! 
'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! 
'''Pickle Man:''' Who's Blanca? 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs/grunts* 
'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! See, he's a nice guy. 
'''Chris:''' (inaudible, but stressed as he moves closer to Emily) 
'''Pickle Man:''' I think you're making the lady uncomfortable there, Chris. 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs* I'm sorry, Emily. 
'''Emily:''' It's ok… I think I have… to go to the bathroom now… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, go change my tampon. 
'''Chris:''' Oh boy. [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' [inaudible] … but I guess I do now. 
'''Emily:''' *attempting to brush him off* OK, well it was nice meeting you… maybe we'll talk online or something. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah well… I kinda… [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' (as they continue trying to walk away) Well, we're going to go now. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah well… 
'''Emily:''' I'm going to the bathroom. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, either of- (to Pickle Man) you're not going where she's going… 
'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, we're- we're leaving together. 
'''Chris:''' Are you with her? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Now we are. We're going to go see Watchmen. 
'''Chris:''' No! N- no! She's going b- you gotta go back to West Virginia, don't you. 
'''Pickle Man:''' We're going to go see Watchmen first. 
'''Emily:''' I'm kinda- just- gonna- Watchmen's not that long of a movie. 
'''Chris:''' *suddenly concerned for Emily* Yeah, but you got a five hour drive! 
'''Emily:''' *dismissively* It'll be ok. 
The Pickle Man and Chris indistinctly carry on a short dialogue. The Pickle Man seems to be asking Chris why he is following along, and Chris replies: 
'''Chris:''' I'm just staying close to my friends 
'''Emily:''' Alright, see ya! 

===(01:25:29 - 01:29:34)===

{{Transcription}}

===A Precious Farewell (01:29:35 - 01:31:10)===

'''Pickle Man:''' So, you ready to go? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, my car's that way. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, her car's… Your car's [inaudible] didn't you? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, so did I. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, you did? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Which [inaudible]? 
'''Chris:''' Tha- that way. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… I'm over there. 
'''Chris:''' Oh. (continues walking alongside Pickle Man and Emily) 
'''Emily:''' Chris… you don't need to walk me to my car. 
'''Chris:''' Okaaay. 
'''Emily:''' This is… Alright. 
'''Chris:''' So, you have yourself a safe trip back to uhh… West Virginia. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… (feigning cheerfulness) okay! I might call you on Skype later. 
'''Chris:''' Okay, you take care. 
'''Emily:''' You too. 
'''Chris:''' Hey… (attempts to hug and kiss Emily) 
'''Emily:''' (tries to avoid Chris) No… no… no thank you! (nervous laughter) No thank you. 
'''Chris:''' (Chris gives up) Okay. 
'''Emily:''' Alright, see you. 
'''Chris:''' Alright, well you take care, be safe. 
'''Emily:''' Alright, you too. 
(8 seconds pass as Pickle Man and Emily walk away from Chris)
'''Chris:''' (yelling from a distance) HE KNOWS CLYDE CASH! 
(laughter from Pickle Man and Emily)
'''Emily:''' (laughing) Mission accomplished! 
'''Pickle Man:''' Is he gone yet? 
'''Emily:''' I don't know, let me look behind. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry. I'm so sorry. 
'''Emily:''' That's okay!. [inaudible] worse than me… 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm so sorry. 
'''Emily:''' That's okay. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay… [inaudible] man in the pickle suit? 
'''Emily:''' (laughs) 
'''Pickle Man:''' (laughingly says something about Clyde Cash) 
'''Emily:''' (laughs) Wait there… there's Frosty. 
'''Pickle Man:''' What? 
'''Emily:''' Looks like he's gone now. I'm gonna go tell him what happened. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. 
'''Emily:''' (presumably walking to see Frosty) Yes! Still recording!

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?hgz03i1wj4n The Date Audio]

[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Trolling]]

Hello, Juffalo

2010-03-08T21:07:41Z

Llort: /* Transcript */

"'''Hello, Juffalo'''" (or "'''Hello, Juffalo.MOV'''") is another video in which [[Chris]] fails at life, performing "Juggalo Family" by Dark Lotus.

Chris tries hard to act like a [[Wikipedia:Juggalo|Juggalo]] by painting his face like a clown and imitating stereotypes of gangster subculture. He is close to having no flow, spending the majority of the time either mumbling the lyrics or not even reciting them at all. He also gives a shout-out to "[http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Juffalo Juffalos]", which is apparently a Juggalo term for superficial poseurs who don't understand the depth and complexity of clown-related rap music.

This is the second time [[Homos|Chris wore makeup]], with the first time being shown in [[War Paint Video|War Paint Video]].

He dedicates this song to an unnamed [[gal pal]], whose influence likely explains the sudden influx of Chris-chan rap videos.

==Video==
<center>
{{Infobox/video
| name = Hello, Juffalo
| image = {{#ev:youtube|_YWgTHW2NAg}}
| imagewidth = 250
| Stardate = 18 December 2009
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = [[Image:Music.png]] Music [[Image:Galpals.png]] [[Gal pals]]
| Performance Style = [[Image:Crazy.png]] Crazy
| Shirt = {{StraightWhiteLinesShirt}} Straight White Lines
| previous = [[IPods Down and Listen Up]]
| next = [[20 December 2009]]
}}
</center>

===Transcript===

[[Captain's Log|Captain's Rockin' Log]], fans, and we're rockin 'it out loud with Juffalo family for my gal pal.

And you want to know if I'll trade ten Juggalos for a hundred mainstream fans, and I said, "I wouldn't trade ten Juggalos for a hundred thousand mainstream fans; ten Juggalos is priceless." I got love for my homies, members of the Lotus. United we stand, squashing all deadly fo-ces. Been to Hell, could've spent an eternity there. All the bad shit I done, I should still be there. Juggalos can ya feel me, worldwide, running with the hatchet straight out of Lotus Pod? Always got th' end screaming Juggalos [''indistinct, attempts to mumble lyrics''] Juggalos, Dark Lotus. Psychopathic, that's the way you go. They keep me going when I'm down and out. I pick phone up, drop them a line and hear them shout saying, "[''indistinct''] is the shit," until I'm down in the ground! I give a shout to all the [[homos]] and the [[china|chinas]] who keep me started. All my Juggalos always representing when departed.

[''mumbling stops, shouting begins''] [[Twin Falling Towers|Mass murder make me happy]]; [[Chris and death|dead bodies make me happy]]. Say what you will of me, I'll-always have a Juggalo family. Mass murder make me happy; dead bodies make me happy. Say what you will of me. I'll always have a Juggalo family.

Six individual pelt over and stiff. They try to ride away don't follow my chain..there's be a dirt filled grit and grind. Goodbye Juggalo..[''mumbles''] What's mine is yours. That's why I go to a dark carnival and show you a different world. [''mumbles'']-juggalo, hatchet! [[Homos|Tell 'em I'm gonna be sucking your dick!]] Bitch be psychopathic! On my iPod be living it all along..[''mumbles'']- of the sunlight! [''mumbles'']-for so many years that I question the love in my heart. I hate everyone and I hate everything. Except all the Juggalos and the love that they bring! I love ya!

Mass murder make me happy; dead bodies make me happy. Say what you will of me, I'll always have a Juggalo family. Mass murder make me happy; dead bodies make me happy. Say what you will of me, I'll always have a Juggalo family!

[''Chris struggles to keep up with the lyrics while ICP music is playing in the background'']—still be saggy, I wouldn't be fat; I'd still be hungry and crabby. We used to buy our own records at the stores, so they would think it was a hot seller, in other words. But we built a team of killers with the same dream, but we couldn't reach the top; we'd stay like Charlie Sheen. We finally realized we will always have the Juggalos. I'll never give another second to them other hoes!

Mass murder make me happy; dead bodies make me happy. Say what you will about me! I'll always have a Juggalo family. Mass murder make me happy; dead bodies make me happy. Say what you will of me. I'll always have a Juggalo family. Mass murder make me happy; dead bodies make me happy. Say what you will of me. I'll always have a Juggalo family. Mass murder make me happy; say what you will of me. [''indistinct''] of me. I'll always have a Juggalo family.

[''Chris makes retarded poses while slurring "Lotus, Lotus, Lotus, Lotus"'']

And they wanted to know if I would trade ten Juggalos for a hundred mainstream fans, and I said, "I wouldn't trade ten Juggalos for a hundred thousand mainstream fans; ten Juggalos is priceless."

Mass murder make me happy; dead bodies make me happy. Say what you will of me. I'll-lways have a Juggalo family. Mass murder make me happy; dead bodies make me happy. Say what you will of me. I'll-lways have a Juggalo family. [''clears throat''] Mass murder make me happy; dead bodies make me happy. Say what you will of me. I'll-lways have a Juggalo family. [''fades out''] Mass murder make me happy; dead bodies make me happy. Say what you will of me. I'll-lways got a Juggalo family.

==See also==
*[[Fan:Choose Your Own Adventure]], which predicted that Chris would become a Juggalo

==External links==
*[http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/darklotus/juggalofamily.html The actual lyrics]

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[IPods Down and Listen Up]]|nextlink=[[20 December 2009]]|}}

{{Music Videos}}

Bob Chandler

2010-03-08T01:23:04Z

Llort: adding an inspirational Bob quote

: ''"'''Bob'''" redirects here. For the troll occasionally known as Bob, see [[Robert Simmons V]].''

{{quote|This ain't my time yet.|Bob laughing at death <ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|Emily Date]]</ref>}}

[[Image:Chrischansdad.jpg|thumb|Bob is old. He makes sure to let you know that.]]
[[Image:DemonicLumberjack.jpg|thumb|'''The Internet Lumberjack''' in his Final Form.]]

'''Robert Franklin Chandler Jr.'''<ref>[[Blanca E-mails#Chris likes Blanca|Email to Blanca]]</ref> (04 [[Wikipedia:1927#September|September 1927]]<ref>http://www.harveypowers.com/wynn/wynn/d155.html#P155</ref>–some time this week) is [[Chris|Chris's]] father.

Despite being a racist and homophobic redneck, '''Bob''' became a firm favorite with [[trolls]] due to Chris's intense dislike of him and Bob's infamous cameo when [[Bob Walks In|he walked in on Chris fapping]]. His nickname, the "Internet Lumberjack", comes from this incident.

While loathed by and estranged from his other children and step-child, Bob is still viewed as a better parent than his wife [[Barbara]], due to him being somewhat concerned with Chris's current status as a [[virgin with rage]], and the fact that he occasionally tries to guilt him into being more considerate by bringing up the fact that he's devoted 28 years to raising a selfish manchild. Of course, Chris is unfazed by these attempts.

To date, Bob has conversed with numerous trolls. Thanks to his tendency to yap on, more information has become known.

==Biography==
[[Image:GrandWizardBob.jpg|thumb|Bob is a pretty "old fashioned" type of guy.]]

===Service and education===

Bob was born in Texas and raised in Alabama.<ref name="About">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#About Bob (7:18 - 16:45)]]</ref>

Bob was drafted after World War II and placed in the Signal Corps. There, he learned how to install valve systems, switchboards, and telephones. When he got out, he couldn't get a job and so went to college on the G.I. Bill.<ref name="About" />

Since he figured he'd get "swallowed up" at a big college, Bob picked a small college to study Pre-Engineering for two years. He was also in a band and learned a lot about music. He then moved onto Auburn University, a big college, to earn his engineering degree.<ref name="About" /> As an engineer, he never learned to spell properly.<ref>[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#The Date Begins (4:47 - 7:17)]]</ref>

===Career===

Bob worked for Western Electric for 40 years. Using skills learned in the army, he built for the company their first automatic [something] (it's unclear what Bob says here). General Electric heard about it and offered him a job in upstate New York. Since New York is too cold for Bob, he moved away after three years, working in North Carolina for some time.<ref name="About" /> He worked with both Goodrich and Goodyear.<ref name="PSN 37" />

With General Electric, Bob was responsible for at least seven patents. [[Barbara]] claimed, in an e-mail to [[Miyamoto]], that because of Bob's influence in the computer world, the NES "might not have arrived so soon" (despite video game technology actually being pioneered by Ralph Baer).<ref name="Barbara" />

As examples of Bob's accom-PLISH-ments, as Chris would say, he automated a steel mill for rolling steel for cars, a paper mill for papers into the form of Kleenex, warehousing, railroads, and tanker ships. He designed scooters, die casting machines, and machines for producing plastic products.<ref name="About" /> A fact that both Chris and Barbara have bragged about is that Bob designed controls for plastic water [container] molding machines...<ref name="About" /><ref name="Barbara">[[Miyamoto Saga#Barbara]]</ref>

===World consciousness===
[[Image:0012-BobbyReading.jpg|thumb|Bob learning how to cut that Internet down.]]

...on the other hand, Bob himself is proud of his "natural inclination for logic," although he is "inundated" by all his designs and whether he did good for the world.<ref name="About" />

Speaking of the world, Bob has been interested in it since he was 10, and has become very world conscious as a believer in the United Nations. He began by collecting foreign stamps in the 1930s. He has collected 15,000–20,000 LPs from various genres and cultures.<ref name="PSN 37" /> Bob traveled the world in his day for business and [[china|pleasure]].

Politically, Bob identifies as a Republican, and did not vote for [[Barack Obama]] in the 2008 presidential election.<ref>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIoS-gPOA0k</ref>

In a potentially damaging moment on 18 [[February 2009]], Bob doubted the existence of [[Molvanîa]], [[Julie]]'s fictional country of origin.<ref>[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]]</ref> However, he continued talking under the assumption that Molvanîa was under Russian control.<ref name="PSN 37">[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7]]</ref>

===Health and late life===
[[Image:LumberjackTapestry.JPG|thumb|Robert had English ancestry.]]

Bob lives on social security and General Electric pension.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref> He hasn't really had people to chat with (he loves to ramble if the person shows some slight interest), so he sits around, listens to music,<ref name="PSN 37" /> and takes care of the garden inside the greenhouse. With a 1970s stereo system set up in the greenhouse, he goes to "swing with the music" on his swing there.<ref name="Raising" />

Bob has had two triple bypasses and four heart attacks. He wears a pacemaker. He attributes his long life to the [[Cherokee]] in him. His uncles and grandfather all lived to 90-100.<ref name="PSN 37" />

A major question in the troll community is what will happen if and when Bob dies before Barbara.

On 1 March 2010, Chris [[Twitter|Twittered]] that Bob had been taken to the hospital in the early morning for congested [sic] heart failure. Chris seemed confident that his father would be coming home shortly. Considering Bob's age, lifestyle, and long history of heart disease, [[Chris and death|Chris's outlook on the situation may be premature, if not extremely optimistic]]. Bob is the only thing keeping [[14_Branchland_Court|the Chandler household]] from imploding, and as such, trolls and white knights alike wish him the best.

As of 7 March 2010, nothing more is known about Bob's condition other than that he was in the hospital for congestive heart failure. Information about his condition may be hard to come by, as we only learn something [[Ego|once it has inconvenienced Chris enough for him to come online and complain about it]]. Statistically, congestive heart failure is not as immediately fatal as its name implies.<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Congestive_heart_failure Congenital Heart Failure on Wikipedia]</ref> But again, Bob's age, prior heart attacks and lifestyle make this a serious matter.

Outside of Chris, the only other way to keep tabs on Bob's health might be to [http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/ read the Charlottesville obituaries].

==Relationships==

===Previous family===

Bob is out of contact<ref name="Cole2">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> with his son [[David Alan Chandler]] and daughter [[Carol Suzanne Chandler]], who both lead successful careers. For example, Chris did not know he had a niece named [[Savannah Chandler|Savannah]] until she was 8 years old.<ref>[[CWC's Diary#January 2004]]</ref>

===Barbara===
[[Image:0063-BobAndBarbaraNewLife.jpg|thumb|With [[barbara Chandler|Barb]]]]

To continue with the music theme, Bob and [[Barbara]] met in a bar on a karaoke night. Barbara was there with friends and Bob was singing.<ref name="Mumble 3.5">[[Mumble 3.5]]</ref> According to Chris, Barbara did the [[How to Talk to Girls|pursuing]]: "She chased him down the hall." This is probably why he figures that he could get away with being passive in terms of courtship. In contrast, [[Cole|Cole's]] friend Chuck, who worked at the bar, has a vivid memory of them being drunk retards.<ref name="Cole2" /> They got married in 1980.<ref name="Mumble 3.5" />

According to Chris, Barbara has not had sex with [[Bob]] for at least two decades. They have been sleeping in separate rooms for the past few years.<ref>[[IRC (27 December 2008)]]</ref> This is possibly due to an attempt to avoid spawning another subhuman freak like Chris.

===Cole===

Bob married Barbara when her son [[Cole]] was 17, around the time Cole left to lead his own life.

Cole feels that Bob's bitterness worked to separate his relationship with his mother. Cole will celebrate<ref name="Cole2">[[:Image:Cole 07-03-06-2.PNG|6 March 2007 email, page 2]]</ref> "when that fuck Bob finally drops."<ref>[[:Image:Cole 07-07-24-3.PNG|Email from Cole to Chris]]</ref> Cole said that he and Bob share a mutual hatred,<ref name="Cole2" /> though we have no evidence yet that Bob hates Cole. In the least, it is certain that Bob knows Cole doesn't like him.<ref name="Raising">[[Emily Date Conversation Transcript#Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)]]</ref>

===Chris===

{{quote|Get away from the Internet!
I'm cutting it down, right now.|Bob Chandler, Internet lumberjack.}}

[[Image:0106-ChristianWDad.jpg|thumb|"You tell them that you fell down some stairs or else I'm cutting down your Nintendo."]]

Bob wishes Chris was more interested in the world. He tried to teach Chris, but he thinks (and rightly so) that Chris doesn't understand countries and continents beyond what he's seen on TV, and only can associate with the places he's been in Virginia.<ref name="PSN 37" />

Bob's joke that [[Barack Obama]] would paint the White House black as soon as he became president influenced Chris to draw it in ''[[Sonichu 8]]''.

{{quote|well, my father is a major stressor against me; starts arguements[sic], annoys me, rarely washes his hands after restroom breaks (lord knows I've tried to encourage him to wash numerous time, and rarely succeeded.|Chris, [[IRC (31 December 2008)]]}}

After meeting with Bob personally and finding him to be quite pleasant and amicable, it became obvious that he wasn't "starting arguments", as Chris asserts, but rather most likely rightfully criticizing Chris's behaviors and encouraging to better himself, which would involve work, and Chris is too lazy to do that. It has been reported Bob will mention to him that he has taken care of his autistic ass for 27 years and so Chris should be more grateful. But selfish and apathetic Chris couldn't give two shits, figuring that they're ''obligated'' as parents to take care of his autistic ass, seeing no reason he should demonstrate any foreign concepts like "love", "support", "gratitude", and "willingness to help".

Chris has said specifically that he doesn't have to love his father, but has to respect him.'''<ref>[[Mumble 1#Transcript|Mumble Chat 1]]</ref>

==Audio and video appearances==

In every appearance, Bob has proved himself to be better at charming Chris's [[sweetheart]]s than Chris himself.

* 14 [[February 2009]]: [[Bob Walks In]] to Chris [[mass debating]].
* 18 [[February 2009]]: In [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.5]] and [[BlueSpike PSN Chat 3.7|3.7]], Bob rambles to [[Julie]].
* 15 [[March 2009]]: Bob talked to [[Robert Simmons V]] at [[Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church|church]] while [[Church audio|Chris went to shit himself]].
* [[March 2009]]: Bob chaperoned Chris on his date with [[Emily]].
* 27 [[March 2009]]: Bob gets intruded by Chris in the [[Tour of Christian's House]], but is not visible.
* 27 [[August 2009]]: [[THAT IS MY HOUSE|Bob enters Chris's room]] and scolds him for making the [[Tour of Christian's House|house tour video]], (correctly) fearing that if someone saw the house as it was, they would be evicted (Uncut version only). This is a momentous occasion, showing some awareness on the part of the Chandlers that the filth and squalor they live in is a health hazard. This video subsequently off a wave of emails and calls to the Greene County Health Department, masterminded by trolls who hoped to realize Bob's fear of eviction, but the campaign was seemingly unsuccessful.
* [[November 2009]]: Bob and [[Barb|Snorlax]] make a brief appearance at the end of the [[Kacey and Liquid Call]].

==Gallery==
<center>
<gallery>
Image:0009-ChristopherChristmas2.jpg
Image:0011-ChristopherBobXmas.jpg|Bob at [[Christmas]] time.
Image:0014-YoungerFather.jpg
Image:0032-BobAtRestraunt.jpg|The epitome of handsome.
Image:0038-AuntCorinaAndDad.jpg|Bob with [[Aunt Corina]].
Image:0062-NewChristian&Dad.jpg|Notice Chris's discomfort.
Image:0120-BobbyBehindBars.jpg|Bob won't let a fence get in the way of cutting down Chris's Internet.
Image:0230-ChristianAndDadInClass.jpg|Bob: fashion icon.
Image:0626-BobbyInGarden.jpg|When Bob isn't arguing with Chris or cutting down his Internet, he enjoys gardening.
</gallery>
</center>
{{Fan Art|chris=Bob Chandler}}

==Sauces==
<references />

{{People}}
{{Not_Jerks}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Chandler, Bob}}
[[Category:Family Members]]

Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2010-03-08T01:12:17Z

Llort: /* Transcript */ filling in first gap with five new sections

In [[March 2009]], [[Chris]] went on his first, and only date ever with a [[troll]] called [[Emily]]. For posterity's sake, the event was recorded, and is now presented in text format for your enjoyment, here.

The voices heard in the recording are that of an elite crack team of courageous trolls and trollettes.

==Cast==

'''Frosty:''' A whiz kid, his high-tech know-how keeps the group online.

'''Camwhore:''' "Emily's friend", her mission is to capture video of the event.

'''Emily:''' Queen of trolls, she risks both life and limb on a plunge into the heart of darkness.

'''Pickle Man:''' Brave and daring hero, he protects Emily from certain peril.

'''Chris:''' Misshapen manchild, his disgusting nature seeps into the very recording of his voice.

'''Bob:''' [[Bob|Robert Chandler]], the proud Internet lumberjack, yet also slave to the manchild.

==Transcript==

Throughout the recording, a mall full of shoppers produces a background din.

===Prelude (00:00 - 03:12)===

'''Frosty:''' Okay… lock it? 
'''Frosty:''' Okay-- 
'''Camwhore:''' Are you wearing a thong? With a-- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' That better be fuckin' ''tight''. 
'''Emily:''' It's tight. 
'''Camwhore:''' That may pop out while you're walking around, while you're like-- 
'''Emily:''' I should be like-- 
'''Camwhore:''' Or a robotic vagina. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' Say "It's my vibrator." 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' It's one of those things that you see taped to those-- those hentai-- 
'''Frosty:''' Well, the thing is, Chris-- he [unintelligible (but clearly imitating Chris's voice)] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Ungh, ungh, ungh, ungh! 
'''Emily:''' Okay, if he get's, like, ''way'' too close to me, I'm just gonna be like-- get my chair farther away. 
'''Camwhore:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' I really like your [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughs''] Maybe Barb-- Barbara can come. 
'''Emily:''' Apparently, she doesn't leave the house anymore. 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I'm just [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Frosty:''' There-- there are Barb candidates ''everywhere''. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' No, no, no, no, no, no. But-- but in all actuality, there should be no Barb; if there ''is'' Barb, I will shit myself. 
'''Emily:''' If there is Barb, we're-- we're done. 
'''Camwhore:''' We're not showing up. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' "You brought your mommy?" 
'''Emily:''' I should be like, "No – just put that shit in the bag, and we're not doing anything today." 
'''Camwhore:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' That's it. 
'''Camwhore:''' And you can call him and be like "You owe me a ''dire'' apology, and you're the… jack-off--" 
'''Emily:''' No – I'm sure I'm gonna yell at him, and make him ''cry''. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' And I'm gonna be like "Oh – I live in Clyde's playboy mansion now." [''laughs''] 
'''Frosty:''' No – even better! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [aside] I'm waiting. 
'''Camwhore:''' I'm ''part'' of Clyde's playboy mansion. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' I'm the janitor. 
[''all laugh loudly''] 
'''Emily:''' Okay – let's go see if he's there. 
'''Camwhore:''' ''You'' go see if he's there. 
'''Emily:''' ''No!'' 'Cause-- 'cause it's-- 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible (but about "a girl")] 
'''Emily:''' 'Cause I'm gonna make it like an entrance, like… ''"Hiii!"'' 
'''Pickle Man:''' Did he say where [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' No. Like, he wants to be-- he wants to meet in front of Chick-Fil-A, so… 
'''Camwhore:''' Figures! But the ''general'' idea would be you park near where you wanna… go. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' What if that [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [aside] [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' Do you see those pile of balloons right there? Swear to God: it looks like a penis. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' The balloons. Right here. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' It's a fuckin' penis. 
[pause] 
'''Camwhore:''' Nope. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' [''sighs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [''sighs''] 
[pause] 
'''Camwhore:''' There's that ugly bitch that looks like Hamster Girl… at Starbucks. 
'''Emily:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Camwhore:''' She ''looks'' like Hamster Girl. 
'''Pickle Man:''' ''Which'' one looks like Hamster Girl? 
'''Camwhore:''' Right there. The only one that you can see working? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Oh – over at Starbucks? You should see her with that hair off. 
'''Camwhore:''' No, no, no. She looks like Hamster Girl. [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm telling you: you should see her with that hair off! 
'''Camwhore:''' Oh – she don't have no hair? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Um… 
'''Camwhore:''' Oh – she has a fake-- 
'''Pickle Man:''' She has fake hair, or… she has no hair… or the hair back like this. 
'''Camwhore:''' Well, yeah – I knew that. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' I was gonna say: I don't-- I guess she dyed her hair blond. 'Cause I remember seeing her with some ugly, strange-colored hair.

===Target Acquired (03:13 - 04:43)===

'''Frosty:''' There he is! 
'''Emily:''' [startled] What? 
'''Frosty:''' [unintelligible (but about "a jacket")] 
'''Emily:''' Oh my God! 
'''Emily:''' [jokingly] Eject! Oh my God! 
'''Frosty:''' Is your [inaudible] on? [unintelligible (but clearly about "a jacket" again)] Are you ready? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I'm ready. [''laughs nervously''] This is gonna be my best acting moment ever. 
'''Pickle Man:''' He can't see my face before I suit up. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – go, like, look, 'cause he has to get down first. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Frosty:''' He'll realize later: that's what it was. 
'''Camwhore:''' I don't feel bad. 
'''Emily:''' Okay. 
'''Emily:''' Hopefully, he, like, won't come, like, around and-- [inaudibly interrupted] Huh? I don't have my phone. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' Oh my God… 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' If this goes all smoothly, I should get, like… 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] Where do I sit… to, like, watch [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Um, there's some ''benches'', like… by the tables. [abruptly] Oh! Oh! Oh, no. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Okay – there's some benches, like, ''nearby''… 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? 
'''Emily:''' Um, just sit and watch him [unintelligible] you need to go change or whatever. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. Well, I-- I started the-- I [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. I'll [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''exhales loudly''] Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Or just, like… kinda walk around and see if you can… see us.

===The Green Mile (04:44 - 05:19)===

Nothing but Emily's footfalls can be heard as she marches off to meet the manchild.

===Meet the Parent (05:20 - 07:17)===

'''Emily:''' ''Hi!'' 
'''Chris:''' Hello! Emily? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! I'm Emily. So nice to meet you! 
'''Chris:''' Hi, Emily. This is my father, Robert. 
'''Bob:''' Hello. 
'''Emily:''' Hello. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' I've started shopping a little bit. 
'''Chris:''' That's alright. 
'''Bob:''' You're from West Virgina? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… I used to live here for a while, but then, I-- 
'''Chris:''' [abruptly] Hey! 
'''Emily:''' But then, I moved to-- 
'''Chris:''' Cute hat! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I thought you might like it. 
'''Chris:''' [''laughs contentedly''] 
'''Bob:''' You go to school over there? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – University of West Virginia. My friend, uh, wanted to go to school there, and she's my best friend, so I have to… go with her everywhere! [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Bob:''' That sounds like the best way to do things! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Hey, Emily – you mind, uh, a photo of you and me together? 
'''Emily:''' Sure! 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' What are you taking? 
'''Emily:''' I'm doing journalism. 
'''Bob:''' What? 
'''Emily:''' ''Journalism.'' 
'''Bob:''' Journalism? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Ah! You wanna be a writer! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''giggles''] I did a lot-- 
'''Bob:''' He has a… [[Cole Smithey|''half-brother'']] who's-- who lives in New York City… and, uh, does ''freelance'' writing and show reviews and things… for newspapers and magazines. 
'''Emily:''' Is it-- does he love it? 
'''Bob:''' I ''guess''. 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles again''] 
'''Bob:''' I haven't talked to him in years… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I can't this dang camera to work! 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – that's-- I worked at, uh-- I'm an engineer… and engineers never learn how to spell. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' I think very logically, but I-- 
'''Chris:''' Shoot! I got bad batteries in the camera. 
'''Emily:''' [disappointed] Oh… 
'''Bob:''' If I would-- if I would ''write'' anything, half the words would be phonetically rather than the way we're… ''supposed'' to do. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Bob:''' I got along fine… writing stuff… on my ''word'' processor… when I had a ''spell'' checker. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Without that, I'm [unintelligible (but clearly self-deprecating)] [''laughs heartily''] 
'''Emily:''' Did you like doing engineering? 
'''Bob:''' Well… I-- I had a real ''u-''nique situation… 
[pause]

===Bob's Work History (07:18 - 16:58)===

'''Bob:''' Look, uh… I'm-- I'm really old. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Okay – to start with: I'm 81. And, uh, I came along ''before'' transistors. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Not-- not [unintelligible] stuff we have now, but even before ''transistors''… when we had vacuum tubes. 
'''Bob:''' I, uh… got drafted after World War II. That's how old. But, uh… then, they put me in the Signal Corps, and they knew things I didn't know. They taught me how to install valve systems and switchboards and telephone [unintelligible]. So, I found out: yeah – I'm pretty good at that. So, when I got out – 'course that was in 1947 – I found out-- now, I know that we had a deflation on our hands; I didn't know it then. 
'''Bob:''' You couldn't get a job, so, I thought "Well, I got the G.I. Bill. I'll go to school." 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – now, it's really hard to become an engineer. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – now, ya-- I, uh-- 
'''Bob:''' I went to… a state [unintelligible] college to start with, 'cause I had the philosophy that if I went to a big school I'd be just… swallowed up. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, I went to a small school and took Pre-Engineering for two years, and that was the best thing ''I'' ever did, 'cause I wound up, uh-- well, I got-- I got through my two years of Pre-Engineering in small classes. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And also, I loved music, and I was in the band and everything. And I got in the symphony orchestra… and learned a lot about music while I was up there. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I went to Auburn, and then [unintelligible] swallowed up! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Then, at that time, Auburn-- which now has what: 30,000 students, or something? Auburn had about 5,000 students. 
'''Bob:''' I got my Engineering degree. And then, when I got out, I said "Well, I'll, uh… I can do anything with relays and telephones and valve systems, and [inaudible]. I'm gonna work for Western Electric." 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' That seems logical, right? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' [suddenly offended somehow] Hey! 
'''Bob:''' Because they make, uh-- 
'''Chris:''' You-- no – you listen to my father… because he's somethin'! Because I get some of my intelligence from ''him''. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Especially my ''technological'' intelligence. 
'''Bob:''' But anyway, I, uh-- I went to work for them for 40 years, and, uh… at that point in time… 
'''Bob:''' Uh, this is even ''before'' the Atlas missile… the ICBM. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Bob:''' ''Before'' the Korean War… and, uh-- but, I-- I found out they were building ''radar'' systems. Well, that was fine, but also, they had lots of government money, so they wanted some automatic test equipment. At that time, ''nothing'' was automatic. They ''had'' none! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, that's what ''I'' went and built. [unintelligible] what I learned in the army, right? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, I started working with the first automatic test equipment that we ever made. And then, GE heard about it… and they came down to [unintelligible] in North Carolina. 
'''Bob:''' And-- so, GE came down; they offered me a job… up in upstate New York. Cold country in Utica. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Bob:''' And then, uh… I went down to build some automatic test equipment for the ICBM [unintelligible] Intercontinental Ballistic Missile. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Nobody knows how, 'cause we haven't done it before. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' We'd done some of this automatic test equipment down here. "Why don't you come up there?" "Well, okay!" 
'''Bob:''' So, I went up there for three years and helped develop the, uh, automatic…equipment… for testing the missiles, and… all the guidance systems, and things… in the [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' But-- but I got-- I was a soldier, true and tried, 'cause I was born in Texas and raised in Alabama. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I was in North Carolina first. And then, I hit upstate New York, and I froze to death. [''chuckles''] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah, that must be really different! [''laughs again''] 
'''Bob:''' Well, after three years, I said "I'm going back to somethin' [unintelligible]" Well, GE-- I didn't know it then, but I had a real, natural ''draw''… to the mountains. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And I knew about Roanoke, since I'd been in, uh, [unintelligible] So, I wanted to come back to Roanoke, and GE had plants there. 
'''Bob:''' And… they were there developing-- specializing in industrial automation. Except they didn't done any ''automation'' yet. They were just industrial-controlled. 
'''Bob:''' So, I finagled a transfer back to Roanoke, and… I got there just at the time when they were startin'… to make… any kind of automation controls for engines. 
'''Bob:''' So, I got into what they call "a new business area". And I got to do ''all'' the great things. All my-- I-- I really had it right. I was in the right places at the right time. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Because I am very ''logically-''inclined. 
'''Emily:''' That doesn't really happen nowadays, with the economy… 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – and I-- I'm a logician. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Oddly enough, I never learned how a transistor even works… on records. But I ''use'' 'em all the time. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I use 'em. I'm retired now, a long time. But… when I started out with this group, and the first thing we got into was trying to automate a steel mill… for rolling [unintelligible] steel for your cars. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Well, we did that. And then, I got into… how to roll papers so you could get Kleenex. 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] 
'''Chris:''' And, of course, y'know, he's the guy that designed the controls for all the plastic water machines, so without him at this time, you couldn't have the plastic for your glasses. 
'''Bob:''' And-- and then-- then, I got into-- I was in the new business area [unintelligible] we could do the first one… and then, somebody else would take over and do the others. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And-- and then, I got into managing a paper mill. But then, I got into the… industry of-- of, uh, like [unintelligible] warehousing, automatic transition, like BART: Bay Area Rapid Transit. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Automatic railroads and all that kind of stuff. Automated a bunch of that. Then, I got into automating a bunch of mine [unintelligible] around the world. 
'''Emily:''' You've been through a lot! 
'''Bob:''' And then, I went to automating tanker ships, so you could run 'em from the bridge and have nobody downstairs. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Just someone else involved-- 
'''Chris:''' Want some water? 
'''Emily:''' No, thank you. 
'''Bob:''' And, uh… then, uh-- then, um, I got into… I developed [unintelligible] I found out that there was very few people like me in the world that had this natural… inclination… for logic. 
'''Bob:''' Anyway, like the ands, and ors, and the what-ifs, and the what-if-nots. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I developed a system… called a [inaudible] that stands [unintelligible]. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' Hardware-oriented Y2K pile of junk! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Similar fortune… was in… ''hardware''. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' Hey, everybody – I got [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you. 
'''Bob:''' What this enables-- 
'''Chris:''' [unintelligible (but clearly addressing Emily)] 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] Thank you. 
'''Bob:''' What this enables everybody to do-- and me, too, but I was lazy… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Was to write down on-- on paper – and design on paper from the start – a sequence of parallel lines. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And up to that point, nobody had a way of writin' it down on paper. 
'''Emily:''' [''half-stifles a genuine laugh''] 
'''Bob:''' And they ''still'' don't, really! [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' But that [unintelligible] to mind, horse and buggy. 
'''Bob:''' Elevator-type system that's over a 5,000 ft hole! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Then, I got into, uh, designing… ''scooter'' machines, which fused all the plastic around wires, and things like that… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Scooters. And then, I got into… die-cast machines… and the machines automating ''them''. They make things like carburetors, and cans, and whatever. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I got into ''plastics''… and even the ''plastics'' were [unintelligible] automating their machines. In the process, I ended up with about… ''two'' patents [unintelligible] in ''my'' name that ''they'' own. And all this… dumb stuff. And I saw the first 2-liter Coke bottle… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Come off the line in New England. 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] on it, and all these [unintelligible] ''doors'', and-- and, um… ''shutters'', and stuff like that made out of plastic. All this stuff we got plastic. 
'''Chris:''' [unintelligible] in your frames! 
'''Emily:''' Yep! [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' Including, uh, Tupperware. 
'''Emily:''' Can't… go without Tupperware… 
'''Bob:''' So, then [unintelligible] ''finalized'' and-- and perfected, basically, this [unintelligible] process… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Of design and documentation. [unintelligible] It came time for me to retire. And so, I did! [''chuckles''] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' So, now, I'm ''un-''indated with all this stuff I did, and I don't know whether I did the world a good thing or not. 
'''Emily:''' I think you did! 
'''Bob:''' But I can't-- 
'''Emily:''' You did a lot of things. 
'''Bob:''' I can't spell the word "cat" without a K in it. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, well, y'know, [[Chris and his ego|I'm proud of him anyway]], for his [[fail|accompliment]]-- accom-''plish-''ments. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' He's got a ''half-''brother who [unintelligible] 
'''Chris:''' ''His'' son. 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh…'' okay. 
'''Bob:''' And he's got a-- and I have a daughter, who is his-- his half-sister… that's a… Phi Beta Kappa outta UVA Atlantic. 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh…'' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' She's workin' for the federal government, and she's got a PHD now. She's working somewhere for the federal government. All these math people… I dunno.

===Retired Life (16:59 - 24:22)===

'''Emily:''' I'm not very good at math. [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' I'm not that-- 
'''Emily:''' That's why-- 
'''Bob:''' I'm good at ''logic'', but not at math. 
'''Chris:''' But ''I'm'' good at math! 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Bob:''' He's not good at math when it comes to managing money. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Chris:''' Hey – look! Hey – look it! I have… ''your'' plastic lid on it! 
[''Chris chuckles and Emily laughs''] 
'''Bob:''' We've been working with him, now, for 27 years. 
'''Bob:''' It was a challenge. ''Most'' of the time, I've been retired, so I could [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… usually, if you're not very good at math, you're really good at writing, which is why I'm going for journalism. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – well, I, um… I did-- I do alright with writing as long as I got a spell checker. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' I just, uh-- I-- but I enjoyed my life. It-- it, uh-- it-- I had… things; I had-- I had opportunities that most people don’t get. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I got to see all this stuff now. 
'''Emily:''' That’s good. I hope that, like, y'know, I can travel around the world and, y'know… write up-- do some journalism, like, overseas. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – I’ve been to Australia, and I’ve been to Korea, and I've been to England. 
'''Bob:''' ''Most'' people [unintelligible] to see 'em, but [unintelligible] I've never seen, 'cause they work too good. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Well, it-- it was interesting. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' I wish I could get-- find out what ''Christian's'' really good-- well, he’s pretty good in drawing… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' And writing. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – he-- she should know; she-- you’ve-- you should know; you've seen a bunch of [[Chris and art|my artwork]]. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! It’s really good! All my-- all my friends like it, as well. 
'''Bob:''' [[Chris and copyright|He’s ''creative'']]… but he’s, um… I-- I guess you know he’s-- [[autism|he's high-functioning autistic]]… and, um… 
'''Chris''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' At 6, he couldn’t even ''talk''… but he was… ''programming'' [unintelligible] computer: his Commodore computer… 
'''Chris:''' Commodore 64. 
'''Bob:''' [''laughs''] Which was his first little-- 
'''Emily:''' Oh! I don’t know very many-- much about computers! [''giggles''] Sorry! [''giggles some more''] 
'''Bob:''' You’ve probably got a laptop, with a word processor, don't ya? 
'''Emily:''' [reluctantly] Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah – but you-- 
'''Bob:''' Now, we've-- we-- we’ve brought him a long way. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' It’s been interesting. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… well, that’s a little piece for you-- that you can, uh, write about, if you want to. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! That-- that would be interesting. 
'''Chris:''' Anyway, you-- anyway, you came all the way here from, uh, VCU? Or did you make a few stops along the way? 
'''Emily:''' No – I came all the way from VCU. Um… like, a lot of my fr-- uh, friends over at VCU? They're into the whole Sonichu thing, but there’s a lot more… uh, like, I guess "Sonichu Girls"… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Up in, uh, the University of West Virginia. And we… k-- we kinda do, like, a newsletter-type thing every week. 
'''Chris:''' Wow. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' But this is in one of my favorite spots in the country. 
'''Chris:''' [responding belatedly to Emily] I commend you for that. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] little trees on West Avenue. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' Have you heard of West Avenue? 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' You know where West Avenue is? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – a little bit; I don’t… really go in that area. 
'''Bob:''' They're at the end of VCU, then? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] I don’t know that area very well. 
'''Bob:''' It’s-- it's a street of, uh, townhouses. And it's about three blocks long. And it’s got a second name called "Stork Alley". 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And every spring, they have a "Stork Alley Rally". 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? Oh… 
'''Bob:''' At the same time, they have the Easter parade over on Monument Avenue. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I’ve never seen it before, but my friends tell me about it. But I’m usually stuck in, y'know… college. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – but-- but I was only in Richmond… um… 1975 through 1980. And then, I got married to ''his'' mother. And, um… ''he'' was born, and then, we got transferred over here; I worked for GE. 
'''Bob:''' And we lived in Chesterfield County… but I ''love'' West Avenue; that’s my favorite spot. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' I call it "Sesame Street". 
'''Emily:''' Oh, that’s… [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Because they call it "Stork Alley", 'cause there’s so many kids. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah? 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' I-- I-- I love the Virginian area. 
'''Bob:''' His ''mother''… was raised – but you wouldn’t believe it – she-- she was raised in a [unintelligible] home. And one that's [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' Right there on, um… I can’t think of the name of that street: the one that goes right in front of the Burger King… down at… VCU. 
'''Emily:''' I don’t know what… streets really are-- 
'''Bob:''' Well, again-- but that is a street that goes right in front of Burger King… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And right down the street from there is where… ''his'' mother lived for about 20 years and raised her first son. 
'''Bob:''' And he’s got a lot of ties to the family, too; he just doesn’t like me. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… do you guys have a big family? 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' Well, uh, we’ve got-- we've got ''my'' son, and my daughter. 
'''Bob:''' You-- my son’s in Richmond, and my daughter’s in Washington. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And then, we’ve got ''her'' son, who's in New York. And then, there’s the three of us. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – Schiffler's a really big family. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – we got… two-- really, two separate families. 
'''Emily:''' Mmm. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… but it’s not as big as The Brady Bunch! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' No… it isn't. 
'''Emily:''' No. 
'''Bob:''' But we-- we-- we enjoy it, and I-- I have-- uh, I grow flowers. And… I don’t have to worry about… makin' a livin' anymore… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' With Social Security, and… the GE pension. And GE's good and sound… fortunately! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' So, uh… I-- I grow day lilies. I’ve gotten my yard full of [unintelligible] 
'''Bob:''' And in the middle, I’ve got a, um… well, about 15 [unintelligible] greenhouse. 
'''Emily:''' Oh? 
'''Bob:''' Except… inside this greenhouse, it’s different. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Inside this greenhouse, there’s ''plastic'' flowers. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – ''plastic'' flowers? 
'''Bob:''' A ''swing''… and, uh, all my ''stereo'' stuff, and, uh… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – but he’s got ''real'' flowers in his garden. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. Oh, okay. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – the day lilies are real, in the garden; but inside here, it’s all flat. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – day lilies bloom about once a year, during-- dur-- about ''once''-- 
'''Bob:''' In the summer. 
'''Chris:''' This-- this summer. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Bob:''' There-- there's also that-- 
'''Chris:''' And then, they stay that way for about a month or so. It’s a beautiful garden. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, I can imagine! 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – I’ve got about 15,000 healthy-- 
'''Chris:''' [dreamily/creepily] ''Imagine!'' 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And I-- I love all the music from-- from [unintelligible (but seemingly naming a pair of musical artists)]. 
'''Chris:''' Raise me on music, he did! 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' And-- and musicals. And soundtracks. 
'''Emily:''' Well, what’s ''your'' favorite artist? 
'''Chris:''' Uh, my favorite artist? Well, he didn’t raise me on it, but, y'know, my favorite ss-- uh… ''singer'' is Britney Spears. 
'''Emily:''' Britney Spears? 
'''Bob:''' And, uh, he's got all-- uh, mine are all back from the '40s, and '30s, and '20s, and-- 
'''Emily:''' And he’s into… more ''modern'' pop music? 
'''Chris:''' Although… I guess if I had to pick a ''classic'' favorite, it would have to be ''Satchmo''. 
'''Emily:''' "Satchmo"? 
'''Chris:''' Louis Armstrong. 
'''Bob:''' And-- but [unintelligible] all these big ''classics'' now-- 
'''Chris:''' [''does Satchmo impression''] "Ten feet off the ground!" 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Chris:''' [''imitates trumpet melody''] 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when it came out. All the European [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when they came out, 'cause they were [unintelligible] but now, you can get 'em at Goodwill and Salvation Army… 
'''Emily:''' Well-- 
'''Bob:''' A ''quarter'' to ''fifty'' cents apiece. 
'''Emily:''' [feigning enthusiastic agreement] Yeah! [''laughs weakly''] 
'''Bob:''' ''Thousands'' of them now! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And inside, uh, I found out that inside this, um… um… ''greenhouse''… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm? 
'''Bob:''' It's got a ''dome'' ceiling… which gives it the ca-- ''cathedral'' [unintelligible] 
'''Bob:''' Well… I found this ''great'' stereo system at, uh-- in the 1970s, at Goodwill… and put ''it'' out there… along with the swing. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' And… if you turn the volume up, then that music just sounds like it’s the hall where they ''recorded'' it! Ah – it's great! 
'''Bob:''' Goin' out there and swingin' with my music for hours on end! 
'''Emily:''' [unintelligible] 
'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily''] 
'''Emily:''' That must be really relaxing! 
'''Bob:''' Well, yeah – it's a nice life! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely'']

===Bob's Health Problems (24:23 - 25:29)===

'''Bob:''' If I didn't have to worry about ''him'', I'd be in ''great'' shape! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs sympathetically''] 
'''Bob:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Chris:''' [''laughs nervously''] [unintelligible] But he's been-- still been in… good shape all his [unintelligible] I mean, he's been in-- he's been through, uh, ''three'' triple-- ''two'' triple-bypasses? 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – I was supposed to ''die'' in 1980. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no! What happened? 
'''Bob:''' In fact, I ''did''. 
'''Emily:''' What happened? 
'''Bob:''' I smoked too much… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Bob:''' And, um… I worked for GE. 
'''Bob:''' I did all this dumb stuff I shouldn't have. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah-- but yeah – he-- but yes – uh… 
'''Bob:''' And, um… 
'''Chris:''' God let him survive! 
'''Bob:''' I had a couple heart attacks, and… 
'''Emily:''' [responding to Chris] Yeah – for a reason! 
'''Chris:''' And he's got a pacemaker now! 
'''Bob:''' Yeah… I-- I've been through-- I lived through a triple-bypass in 1980 [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Bob:''' And survived that… so, [[Chris and death|I've only died a couple times!]] 
'''Bob:''' And then, I got-- I got through that. 
'''Bob:''' Then, ''he'' came along. 
'''Chris:''' Hey! He come-- 
'''Bob:''' And then, I-- I got retired… 
'''Chris:''' Hey! 
'''Emily:''' Hmm? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – hey – he's the one that's b-- that has seen the light, but did not actually go ''to'' it… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And, um… 
'''Chris:''' A ''number'' of times. 
'''Bob:''' I had ''another'' triple-bypass in '92… 
'''Bob:''' And I died a couple times [unintelligible] 
'''Bob:''' And that was at Chippenham, over in Chester County. 
'''Emily:''' Oh…

===Memories of High School (25:30 - 26:12)===

'''Bob:''' And, uh… when I was over there with him, I-- I put him to school through, uh, ''Chesterfield'' County's school system. 
'''Chris:''' Uh… 
'''Bob:''' Well, they're the best in the country… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Bob:''' For-- for schools [unintelligible] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Bob:''' And-- and, um… 
'''Chris:''' Manchester High. 
'''Emily:''' [disinterested] Oh, really? 
'''Bob:''' Then, um… 
'''Chris:''' That's my birthstone: [[Amnyfest Ring|amnyfest]]. 
'''Emily:''' And the ''side'' of it… 
'''Emily:''' What does it say: "Lancers"? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Is that-- wait – is that your mascot? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Then…what's on the other side? "2000"? 
'''Chris:''' Yes… that's my class and coat'a arms. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' Manchester High School. And look at the jewel! It's a galaxy cut on top, and [[rainbow|a rainbow]] on the bottom. If you look at-- in the ring-- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' Do you see-- 
'''Emily:''' I see it! 
'''Chris:''' Do you see the rainbow? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. [[speech impediment|Well, anyway, like, y'know,]] I guess that's enough-- y'know, that's enough talk from ''him''. Uh… you were gonna ask… 
'''Emily:''' Aww… 
'''Chris:''' ''Me'' something?

===The "Sonichu Girls" Club (26:13 - 29:01)===

'''Bob:''' Now, I wanna find out about these… ''Sonichu'' Girls! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Sonichu Girls? 
'''Bob:''' 'Cause I didn't know about them. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – didn't… Chris tell you about them? 
'''Bob:''' No – he doesn't-- no – he doesn't normally-- he doesn't… ''tell'' me much about them, so… 
'''Bob:''' See – he's a-- he-- he and his mother stay up all night… and I stay up all day. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' Uh… actually reminds me more-- actually, we're more-- sometimes, you stay up in the day; sometimes, you stay up in the night. 
'''Emily:''' So, you've got, like, ''mixed''… like, sleep schedules, I guess? 
'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''… my mom-- and my-- my mom picked up my bad biological-- my messed-up [[biological clock]]. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Bob:''' She stays up all night! 
'''Bob:''' But anyway… I-- I-- yeah – I found out about 'em from… I guess, when you called on the phone… 
'''Emily:''' Oh! [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And-- and left a message. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – it's a pretty big fanbase. Um… there's actually about-- about 30-some girls… at University of West Virginia who, like, are part of the fan club. 
'''Bob:''' Hmm! 
'''Emily:''' And then, there's-- I mean, there's, uh, plenty of others, like, around the world, too, that-- we talk to… um, on the forums that we have? 
'''Bob:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Do-- you got one here in UVA? 
'''Emily:''' I don't know… [''giggles''] I don't have very many friends at UVA. 
'''Bob:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Emily:''' That's why I heard-- that's why. 
'''Bob:''' VCU's [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. They're a lot more laid-back over there. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah. Well, they're in the sand! How else could you be? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' 'Cause in the sand, you have to be laid-back. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' Y'know, I was curious about this-- this club… 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? 
'''Bob:''' I-- I didn't know he even knew about it! ''I'' didn't know about it. I think it's great! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Hey – I've been on the Internet chat! And plus, y'know… 
'''Bob:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Y'know, certain-- 
'''Bob:''' Plus [[medallion|the ''medallion'']], Christian! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… um… 
'''Bob:''' He's got this yellow medallion with Sonichu on it… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! Why-- why aren't you wearing your… [suddenly concerned] m-- medallion? 
'''Chris:''' Um… I just believe I expressed that, uh… in a video on, uh, YouTube? But I-- I, uh… 
'''Emily:''' I might've missed that; I'm not sure. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – um… I'd rather not say in front of-- I'd rather not say in front of ''Father''… but, uh… 
'''Bob:''' There's a lot of things he doesn't tell me; he doesn't share things with me. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh''… [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' [whispering] If I told him why, he'd have ''another'' heart attack… 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no! [''laughs politely''] 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely again''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' But I mean, y'know… think of it this way: at least you don't have another face that you have-- you don't-- it saves you one face to have to look at! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – and look at 'em, y'know: they're ashually ''green-blue''. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I see it! 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – pink eye in that eye, and then, uh, the prescribed eye drops changed the pigment! 
'''Emily:''' Wow… I didn't know that… could happen! [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. ''Yeah''… looks like you kinda, like, uh, have green-brown eyes yourself? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Uh… 
'''Emily:''' I thought they were just plain brown! [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – it's just that-- y'know, it's-- the angle of the light kinda gave it a little bit of a greenish tint… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible]

===Emily Isn't Hungry (29:02 - 29:58)===

'''Chris:''' Yeah… but ''anyway'', uh… you came all the way from VCU; uh… you hungry? 
'''Emily:''' Oh – no, I'm not hungry. I ate on the way here, really. 
'''Chris:''' Oh – you-- 
'''Emily:''' Stopped at, like, a rest stop. Got some vending m-- [''laughs nervously''] vending machine snacks… and that's it. 
'''Chris:''' ''Oh.'' That's good. 
'''Chris:''' That's good; uh… ''Father'' was thinkin' about, like-- was gonna get us ''spaghetti'', and, uh… [truly flustered] we wanna sh-- we wanna split it be-- he was gonna split it between me, and, uh… I'm gonna split mine with you… 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no… I'm not hungry. Thank you, though! 
'''Chris:''' [weakly] Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' We usually split a spaghetti, 'cause I-- I can't eat it all! 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' ''Yeah''… it's a really big bowl for him… 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Chris:''' Really… ''whoop!'' 
[''Emily laughs and Chris chuckles''] 
'''Bob:''' It's not as big as I'd like… y'know… it's bigger! 
'''Emily:''' No… [''giggles''] 
'''Chris:''' Let's see… well, Dad – why don't you go get your spaghetti? 
'''Bob:''' Do you want some? 
'''Emily:''' No. I'm-- I'm not hungry. Thank you, though… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… we could get you some ''water''. 
'''Emily:''' No – I'm not thirsty, as well. 
[pause] 
'''Chris:''' Mmm. Okay – well, go ahead and get your sh-- go ahead and get the spaghetti, Father. 
'''Bob:''' Alright.

===Bob's Health Problems Revisited (29:59 - 32:11)===

'''Bob:''' Yeah – I got one other thing I was gonna tell you about… 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? 
'''Bob:''' Since we've talked about it: on that, uh… I've died about five times now. 
'''Bob:''' The last time, I was at Golden Corral. The restaurant? 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] 
'''Chris:''' And… my mom was there with him. 
'''Bob:''' [''chuckles''] I just… hit the floor! 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no! 
'''Chris:''' No – not really; uh… he was-- uh, he was pullin' out his credit c-- not really "hit the floor", but… he was pullin' out his, uh, credit card? 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm? 
'''Chris:''' And he would've… hit a-- he was standing in front of, like, the cash register, and there was a bar railing there; the bar rail was there. If he-- if my mom wasn't there to catch him… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Chris:''' His-- like his guardian angel, he would'a hit the bar and would've been… worse… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' Would've been worse off! 
'''Emily:''' Oh, wow… 
'''Bob:''' But anyway, uh, now, I've got a pacemaker. 
'''Emily:''' Wow. [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – and ''that's'' when he got his pacemaker. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Bob:''' I guess that won't happen in, uh… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' But I-- I think the [unintelligible] reason why I survived all those attacks… which I think I'm ''proud'' of… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm? 
'''Bob:''' I don' t know about you. 
'''Chris:''' ''He's'' proud of it. 
'''Bob:''' ''I'm'' proud of it. I don't know whether ''he'' is or not. 
'''Chris:''' I'm proud of him, for it! 
'''Bob:''' But I'm, um-- I found out a few years ago-- about… 10 or 15 years ago… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm? 
'''Bob:''' That I was… at least one-fourth Cherokee! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – so, that makes me an eighth… Cherokee. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, I figured that-- and then, I checked back all my father's… relatives [unintelligibile] all the way up to be up in their 80s, and 90s, and even over ''100'' sometimes. 
'''Emily:''' Dang! [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Well, I figured: well, that's why I keep bouncin' back from this. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' This ain't my time yet. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – either that or, uh, God's lettin' him stick around for my… c-- for ''my'' case. 
'''Bob:''' Somebody's gotta look out for him! 
'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Bob:''' [''cackles''] 
'''Chris:''' [''cackles almost identically''] 
'''Bob:''' Somebody's gotta pay the bills! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs nervously again''] 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… okay, Dad, uh… you s-- alright, Dad-- 
'''Bob:''' Now-- now, I'm dismissed, so I can go [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs nervously yet again''] 
'''Chris:''' Well… not really "dismissed", because… y'know, I'm a little hungry myself… 
'''Chris:''' So… [''laughs nervously''] y'know, Dad, please go get the spaghetti and the bread. 
'''Bob:''' You sure you don't want something? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I'm sure. Thank you for asking, though. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – y'know, I was concerned, myself. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Well, I'll let you two talk… mainly to save the table… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah… 
'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily''] Then, I'll come back, and… 
'''Bob:''' If you don't mind us eatin' in front of you! 
'''Emily:''' I don't mind. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' You better tell me more about this club you've got! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely'']

===In which Chris impersonates Donald Duck (32:12 - 36:48)===

'''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, I must say you look good. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you. 
'''Chris:''' You know, you’re the first female Sonichu fan that has actually come a long distance to see me. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, its not that far. I’m sure maybe some of the girls from VCU would come down sometime, like maybe during summer break. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, but I mean at least all the way from West Virginia, I mean that’s farther than VCU. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, (Laughs) we might take a road trip down here. 
'''Chris:''' (Speaking in a sing-song voice) Take a road trip, its a little road trip… 
'''Emily:''' (Confused laugh) 
(Here Chris graces Emily with his Donald Duck Impression, which is difficult to convey in writing) 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) Is that the one that scared that child? 
'''Chris:''' Er- 
'''Emily:''' At Wendy’s… 
'''Chris:''' Uh… 
'''Emily:''' I don’t know how that’s scary- 
'''Chris:''' (Talking over her) No, not really scary, you see he was tired… 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay so you- 
'''Chris:'''(Interrupting)Yeah. But it makes a lot of children smile, ‘cause they’re familiar with that classic Disney character. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Y-you don’t mind if I have my hand on your shoulder… 
'''Emily:''' Uh, not for too long… 
'''Chris:''' (Chuckles) 
'''Emily:''' Oookay, n-not for too long… 
'''Chris:''' Okay… heh, this is like, wow, I finally get, like, this beautiful girl in front of me. 
'''Emily:''' (Nervous laughter) Thank you. 
'''Chris:''' And she actually got to know me. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Just like you know, yeah. (Changing subject abruptly) So what’s the reason you need your glasses for? I’m nearsighted myself. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah I’m nearsighted as well. I don’t have very good eyes. 
'''Chris:''' Its like, you know, we’re close so we don’t need glasses to see each other, do we? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… no, its still blurry. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… How do you look without that hat? I mean I like to see the, uh 
'''Emily:''' I like this hat. My hair doesn’t look good today. 
'''Chris:''' Oh. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Your hair doesn’t look good… are you sure? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. I’m sure. (Giggles) 
'''Chris:''' How’s my hair look? 
'''Emily:''' It looks good! 
'''Chris:''' That’s good. [inaudible] sleeping against pillows and I took a shower before, before I went – crashing on the couch. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah but I put on some, buh, er, some Axe body spray before I left… do you like that smell? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, it depends on which one it is. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Which one is it? 
'''Chris:''' I believe its, uh, called 'Proximity.' 
'''Emily:''' Oh, I really like the new chocolate one 
'''Chris:''' Oh, the uh 'Dark Temptation.' 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' I was running low on that can anyway. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' Its like I, if I – If I – If I – (laughs, stutters indistinctly) – gotten more of that. 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' (sighs) But seriously though, you are cute. 
'''Emily:''' Ah, thank you. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I like the - I like this – I like the get-up you’re wearing. Its like you – like you came straight from, uh the PGSM… show. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah. (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' [inaudible]Like a live action Sailor Moon. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, I’ve seen some of the episodes for that. 
'''Chris:''' I’ve got the entire series saved to my Playstation 3, including the, uh, wedding episode. 
'''Emily:''' I don’t think I’ve seen that one. 
'''Chris:''' Its like, uh, a very special last episode. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' You actually get to see (Japanese name) and, uh, I forget his name but you know – 
'''Emily:''' Uh, (Japanese name)? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, (Japanese name), that’s it, you got it. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' You got it. 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' You got it. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, I used to be a really big fan of Sailor Moon, well, I still am, I’m just not as big of a fan as nowadays. 
'''Chris:''' did you see the entire anime series? 
'''Emily:''' Um, I haven’t seen the last season. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, Sailor Stars. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. ‘cause it didn’t come out in America, and they’re, like, afraid of the transsexuals. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah I know – I know that. But I have that on DVD, you know, with Japanese audio and English subtitles. 
'''Emily:''' How do you feel about that? Like, the transsexuals and the [inaudible]? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Um… 
'''Emily:''' Does it, like, make you uncomfortable, or, would you have minded if, like, it came out on TV Shows to, like, little kids? 
'''Chris:''' Uh… Yeah… I don’t have much of an opinion… (Laughs nervously) 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) Its kind of a sketchy subject there. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah its… its itchy. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
(Brief awkward pause, punctuated by Emily laughing) 
'''Chris:''' Yeah but you can sketch a lot in your, uh, journalism, don'tcha? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. Well, we don’t draw a lot, we just – we do like little outlines and then we start writing- 
'''Chris:''' (Interrupting) I mean you, I mean you sketch your letters. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' I bet you sketch your signature pretty. Don’t you? 
'''Emily:''' No, I thinks its, uh, its basically a bunch of scribbles. (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' Ah, a lot of people would say that about their signatures I’m sure. 
'''Emily:''' Well some people just like put an X for their signature and that’s it. 
'''Chris:''' Eh, but not you. You put… 
'''Emily:''' An ‘E’ and an ‘S’ basically. (Giggles) 
'''Chris:''' Uh, uh, an ‘S’?. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, Emily Schiflet(?) 
'''Chris:''' Oh, that’s your last name, Schiflet(?) 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, my middle name’s Julia. 
'''Chris:''' Joolia? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Emily Julia Schiflet. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. Flows nicely, doesn’t it? 
'''Chris:''' Its beautiful. 
'''Emily:''' Aw, thank you. 
'''Chris:''' Do you dot your ‘I’ in ‘Julia’ with a heart? 
'''Emily:''' No. (Giggles) 
Bob Returns. 
'''Chris:''' All right dad, I’ll let you, uh, divvy up the spaghetti onto my plate.

===(36:49 - 01:14:22)===

{{Transcription}}

===A Walk to Remember (01:14:23 - 01:21:43)===

Chris and Emily awkwardly leave Bob who continues to ramble as they clomp off through the mall. 
'''Bob:''' Take care. 
'''Chris:''' Alright come on, Emily, let's, let's walk… 
Bob babbles on about sending something. 
'''Emily:'''Okay… okay, you can show me around the mall… 
'''Chris:''' Okay! Here's our… heights… You… you come to just about my eyeline. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous tittering* 
They walk quietly for a moment as Chris mutters something quietly. 
'''Chris:''' *sigh* So where you li… where do you usually like to go shopping at when you're at a shopping center? 
'''Emily:''' *impatiently* Clothes stores. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, they have a number of clothing stores in, uh… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' … a J.C. Penney and a Sears, among other places that uh, more name brands… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah a lot of the stores here are, if you take a look, take a look at the prices and they're pretty expensive. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… Yeah… but, you know, they used to ha- they used to have a Kay-Bee Toys here and I- that's where I got my- turns out- my thousand dollar shopping spree I won around the… around the Adventures- the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog… 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Chris:''' That sweepstakes, you might remember I put something about that… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' … you might remember that, uh, news clip… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! I've seen it. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
Chris nervously takes a few steps. 
'''Chris:''' Wow… you're like… I'm sorry. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' I'm just fascinated like… you're just like… a character from PGSM or from- came all the way from Japan- just leapt out of my television! 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* No I'm definitely all American. 
'''Chris:''' You're all American. 
'''Emily:''' I'm all American. 
'''Chris:''' Okay- so it's just- it's just your eyes that are excepting. 
'''Emily:''' *shameless subject change* Yeah… so what's your favorite store here? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah it's- currently, since they took away the toy store- I think it's- I would say it's mostly Gamestop, but I also go to the bookstore or Sears, or even the Spencer's that's down on the other side of the mall. And they used to have an FYE here, which was a Suncoast before- before it- before they all merged and became an FYE, but then they closed that to make the next business here. 
'''Emily:''' What's down the other way… cause I've been… I came down this way, but I haven't been down that way. 
'''Chris:''' Okay, we'll go down that way! Alright. I hope- Hope you don't mind me sticking around your left side… 
'''Emily:''' *bravely* Okay, that's fine! 
'''Chris:''' I mean, I guess I should keep my hands to myself and behave, right? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, you should probably do that. 
'''Chris:''' I mean, I'm just trying to be friendly. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' But, you know, not- but you know- respectful- touch you gently on the shoulder or the back- 
'''Emily:''' *vomitously* Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I mean at least I'm not that guy from Inuyasha that… go- eh- go for the bum. 
'''Emily:''' *vomitously* Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Heh-heh, that's funny. Always get slapped in the face, he does. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I forget his name, I think it's Mamoru, or something like that 
'''Emily:''' Uh… . it's Miroku. 
'''Chris:''' *talking over her* Do you watch Inuyasha? Yeah, Miroku, that was it, you hi- you hit it on the head right there… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
Emily awkwardly walks several steps… 
'''Emily:''' *delaying* Is that the… food court there? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah that's basically the food court. 
'''Emily:''' OK… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah it use- it used to have McDonalds here- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' … soooo many years ago across from the Gamestop there, back then it was called Babbages… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' And then between them and Suncoast was FunCo Land and Software Etc. and they all merged into a Ga- they all merged into Gamestop 
'''Emily:''' Oh… never heard about that… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… I'm sh- I'm sh- I'm sure you must've at least noticed those game stores back in your youth- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… I play video games sometimes, but not very often… 
'''Salesman:''' HELLO WOULD YOU LIKE HARAAGARALABHGH 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no thank you! 
'''Chris:''' No thank you! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… right over- see- where that *unintelligble name of store*, that's where PacSun used to be, where Anna McLerran 
'''Emily:''' Oh yeah… I've… I've heard of her as well… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Emily:''' Is she still around? 
'''Chris:''' No she, uh- moved to Utah. 
'''Emily:''' Utah… 
'''Chris:''' She's a Mormon. Found that out after I met her. But we cam- but we- but we could became good friends and I gave her, uh, you know, gave her a going away/birthday party before she left for Utah… 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh! 
'''Chris:''' For her 20th birthday… and actually her- actual- and actually her friends, uh, her friends and I got together and put together the party. *emphatically* I k- I bought the cake. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, that's nice of you… and… there was also Megan. Do you keep in contact with her? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah uh… no, not-no-n-n-not-been-touch with her for a long time. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' That's cause she moved to another state. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… did she move to Utah too? 
'''Chris:''' Uh, no, I don't think she moved to Utah, I don't even remember where she moved to. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' But you know, sometimes, I, uh, I dream I'm back in uh, Manchester High, you know, I get to see all my- all my old s- c- all my old friends… there. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Sometimes I even see Megan and John in there… John's her brother… 
'''Emily:''' Oh ok… 
'''Chris:''' Can you believe that, attending Manchester High like I was back then, 
'''Emily:''' *small laughter* 
'''Chris:''' … but yet they never went- they never been- they never been to Manchester High, neither of them. Isn't that… kinda funny? 
'''Emily:''' *slightly sarcastically* Yeah… that is kinda funny! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… FYE was over there… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… I guess it's becoming a LensCrafters? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I guess… anyway here's the Spencer's. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' If you like looking at the, uh, naughty stuff- 
'''Emily:''' *quickly* No, I'm not into that. 
'''Chris:''' Not yet anyway! *laughs* 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' Ah, but you might. But it's mostly humorous, anyway. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… well… doesn't look like there's anything down here… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… not much… not much to look at around here… the toy stores around here are down here… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… well I gotta get going soon, it's gonna be a long drive! 
'''Chris:''' Long drive… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Well I hope, uh, you at least, uh, keep the memories we've shared… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah I'll walk you to your car, if you want… 
'''Emily:''' No, I'll probably have to go to the bathroom first… it's that time of the month… 
'''Chris:''' Oh. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, when you're on your, uh, period… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, aside from the, uh, first time, uh, meeting, this first meeting, uh, how do you feel about me? In general… 
'''Emily:''' You're a really nice guy! 
'''Chris:''' Thank you… 
'''Emily:''' I don't know why people pick on you and all that… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, they should get to know me in person… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I mean I'm a gentleman, I behave… behave… 
'''Emily:''' *steering the beast* Have you been into any of these stores over here?

===Meet the Pickle (01:21:44 - 01:25:29)===

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] Yeah, so, um, you wouldn't want to go see Watchmen, would you? 
'''Chris:''' Uh… no. 
'''Emily:''' I'd see that movie. 
'''Chris:''' *shocked* Uh… any particular reason why you're dressed up like that? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Not in particular. 
'''Chris:''' Come on, Emily. 
'''Emily:''' What? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Hey, hey, maybe the lady wants to go with me. Ya, ya want to go see Watchmen? Lots of, uh… 
'''Emily:''' *gloating* Why, what's wrong? 
'''Chris:''' The man in the pickle suit… a- it's apparent this guy's amongst the… trolls. 
'''Pickle Man:''' You think… 
'''Emily:''' What's a tro… 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Passerby:''' Sir… sir, what are you? 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm a pickle. 
'''Passerby:''' You're a pickle! I love pickles. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? Pickles are pretty cool. 
'''Passerby:''' And who are you advertising with? 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm not really advertising. 
'''Passerby:''' You're just dressed for fun? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Just bored. 
'''Chris:''' Dressed as a pickle to HAUNT ME. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Excuse me? I don't even know you. 
'''Passerby:''' You're just bored? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yep! 
'''Chris:''' *questioningly* You don't even know me… are you sure… do you have internet access? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Lots of people have internet access. 
'''Chris:''' Do you know Sonichu and Rosechu? 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. 
'''Chris:''' Do you know about Encyclopedia Dramatica? 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. (turning to Emily) Want to go see Watchmen? 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs* No, no, no, she's with- 
'''Emily:''' Alright! 
'''Chris:''' … she's h- she's headed over to- she's heading back to her home town. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, Watchmen would be pretty cool. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, it would be pretty cool! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, alright, uh… 
'''Emily:''' Let's go see it! 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah? 
'''Pickle Man:''' (to Emily as they turn to leave together) You've probably seen Watchmen (he refers to the novel), haven't you? 
'''Chris:''' (answering the question meant for Emily as he is clearly left behind) I've heard of Watchmen… 
'''Pickle Man:''' *laughs at Chris* 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' (inaudible, but clearly saying something to the effect that he doesn't like the Pickle Man.) 
'''Emily:''' *gloating* What's wrong with him? 
'''Pickle Man:''' What, you like pickles? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… I do not like pickles. 
'''Pickle Man:''' No pickles? 
'''Chris:''' And also particularly a guy in a pickle suit who tricked me on the internet pretending that he was Blanca! 
'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! 
'''Pickle Man:''' Who's Blanca? 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs/grunts* 
'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! See, he's a nice guy. 
'''Chris:''' (inaudible, but stressed as he moves closer to Emily) 
'''Pickle Man:''' I think you're making the lady uncomfortable there, Chris. 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs* I'm sorry, Emily. 
'''Emily:''' It's ok… I think I have… to go to the bathroom now… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, go change my tampon. 
'''Chris:''' Oh boy. [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' [inaudible] … but I guess I do now. 
'''Emily:''' *attempting to brush him off* OK, well it was nice meeting you… maybe we'll talk online or something. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah well… I kinda… [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' (as they continue trying to walk away) Well, we're going to go now. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah well… 
'''Emily:''' I'm going to the bathroom. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, either of- (to Pickle Man) you're not going where she's going… 
'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, we're- we're leaving together. 
'''Chris:''' Are you with her? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Now we are. We're going to go see Watchmen. 
'''Chris:''' No! N- no! She's going b- you gotta go back to West Virginia, don't you. 
'''Pickle Man:''' We're going to go see Watchmen first. 
'''Emily:''' I'm kinda- just- gonna- Watchmen's not that long of a movie. 
'''Chris:''' *suddenly concerned for Emily* Yeah, but you got a five hour drive! 
'''Emily:''' *dismissively* It'll be ok. 
The Pickle Man and Chris indistinctly carry on a short dialogue. The Pickle Man seems to be asking Chris why he is following along, and Chris replies: 
'''Chris:''' I'm just staying close to my friends 
'''Emily:''' Alright, see ya! 

===(01:25:29 - 01:29:34)===

{{Transcription}}

===A Precious Farewell (01:29:35 - 01:31:10)===

'''Pickle Man:''' So, you ready to go? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, my car's that way. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, her car's… Your car's [inaudible] didn't you? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, so did I. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, you did? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Which [inaudible]? 
'''Chris:''' Tha- that way. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… I'm over there. 
'''Chris:''' Oh. (continues walking alongside Pickle Man and Emily) 
'''Emily:''' Chris… you don't need to walk me to my car. 
'''Chris:''' Okaaay. 
'''Emily:''' This is… Alright. 
'''Chris:''' So, you have yourself a safe trip back to uhh… West Virginia. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… (feigning cheerfulness) okay! I might call you on Skype later. 
'''Chris:''' Okay, you take care. 
'''Emily:''' You too. 
'''Chris:''' Hey… (attempts to hug and kiss Emily) 
'''Emily:''' (tries to avoid Chris) No… no… no thank you! (nervous laughter) No thank you. 
'''Chris:''' (Chris gives up) Okay. 
'''Emily:''' Alright, see you. 
'''Chris:''' Alright, well you take care, be safe. 
'''Emily:''' Alright, you too. 
(8 seconds pass as Pickle Man and Emily walk away from Chris)
'''Chris:''' (yelling from a distance) HE KNOWS CLYDE CASH! 
(laughter from Pickle Man and Emily)
'''Emily:''' (laughing) Mission accomplished! 
'''Pickle Man:''' Is he gone yet? 
'''Emily:''' I don't know, let me look behind. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry. I'm so sorry. 
'''Emily:''' That's okay!. [inaudible] worse than me… 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm so sorry. 
'''Emily:''' That's okay. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay… [inaudible] man in the pickle suit? 
'''Emily:''' (laughs) 
'''Pickle Man:''' (laughingly says something about Clyde Cash) 
'''Emily:''' (laughs) Wait there… there's Frosty. 
'''Pickle Man:''' What? 
'''Emily:''' Looks like he's gone now. I'm gonna go tell him what happened. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. 
'''Emily:''' (presumably walking to see Frosty) Yes! Still recording!

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?hgz03i1wj4n The Date Audio]

[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Trolling]]

Rainbow

2010-03-07T19:57:37Z

Llort: adding year-old intel from the inexplicably-ignored Emily Date Conversation Transcript

[[Image:0Rainbow1.jpg|thumb|right|[[Random-access_humor|Skadoosh]]]]
A [[rainbow]] is an optical and meteorological phenomenon that causes a spectrum of light to appear in the sky when the Sun shines onto droplets of moisture in the Earth's atmosphere. They take the form of a multicolored arc, with red on the outer part of the arch and violet on the inner section of the arch. In Chris's artwork, he [[Fail|consistently switches the positions of blue and green.]] This is possibly due to some degree of color-blindness, but more likely it's just because Chris is a fucking idiot.

In the [[Sonichu (comic)|Sonichu canon]] and various other works, rainbows are a recurring theme. For example, a rainbow was responsible for transforming [[Sonichu]] and [[Rosechu]] into their present forms. It was later revealed that the same Rainbow also spawned eggs, which eventually matured to become the [[Chaotic Combo]] and [[Silvana]].

In real life, there's a rainbow etched into [[Amnyfest Ring|Chris's high school ring]].

==Introduction==
[[Image:0Rainbow2.jpg|thumb|left|Feels Good Man]]
The rainbow effect was the result of an accidental collision of a male Pikachu with Sonic in [[Sonichu 0|Sonichu #0]] As Sonic was using the power of the Chaos Emeralds at the time, their energies somehow caused the Pikachu to mutate into a being similar in appearance to Sonic. This energy also arced across the sky, striking a female Raichu some fifteen miles away, and transforming her into a similar hedgehog-like creature.

Independently, Sonichu and Rosechu realized that they had become the genesis of a new Pokemon species. Eventually, [[Black Sonichu]] was cloned from a sample of Sonichu's [[Semen|DNA]], and the [[Anchuent Prophecy]] would bestow three humans the ability to transform into Sonichus and Rosechus at will, but these were only copies of the originals.

However, Sonichu would soon discover other Sonichus and Rosechus created by the Rainbow.

==The Chaotic Combo==
[[Image:RainbowEggs.jpg|thumb|right|TRUE and HONEST Chaos Rainbows ''shit eggs''.]]

In [[Sonichu 3|Sonichu #3]], Chris revealed that the Rainbow had also spit out five eggs, which landed in various locations around the world. From within these eggs emerged larval forms of Sonichu and Rosechu, called [[Sonee and Rosey|"Sonee" and "Rosey"]]. These five eventually evolved into variants of Sonichu and Rosechu, each possessing unique abilities and characteristics in addition to the powers of Sonic and Pikachu.

In addition to the eggs, Chris established that "mysterious beams of light also shone from the rainbow", but declined to elaborate; this might be Chris's way of giving himself an out for adding more Sonichus and Rosechus, like Silvana.

==Inconsistencies==

In Sonichu #0, Chris established that Sonichu was 16 years old, and Rosechu was 15. Presumably, this refers to their age upon the day of their transformation, and so they spent the bulk of their lives as a Pikachu and Raichu. [[Sonichu 8|Sonichu #8]] has since established that the couple turned 19 and 20 as of early [[2008]] in accordance to the ''Earth Time'' of the Rainbow phenomenon (Listed as February 1st, 1989). Note that this would make the Sonic/Pikachu encounter from Issue 0 occur ''three years'' before the release of Sonic's first Genesis game, and ''eight years'' before the first Pokémon games.

The Chaotic Combo were spawned from the Rainbow as eggs, meaning that they would have been born while Sonichu was 16. And yet, Sonichu #8 depicts them celebrating their 19th birthday a few months after Rosechu's 19th birthday. Compounding this, Black Sonichu celebrated his 20th birthday shortly afterward, making him the same age as Sonichu, despite being cloned when Sonichu was 16 years old.

Strangely, when [[Blake|Black Sonichu]] questions the notion of celebrating a birthday for a clone, he points out that he was "not properly born of a Rosechu". The fact is, none of the electric hedgehog Pokemon were born naturally, as they were all shat out of a big dumb rainbow.

==Additional retcons==
[[Image:RainbowChris.jpg|thumb|right|Chris [[Sub-Episode 2|while standing on a rainbow background]], declaring that his [[Love Quest]] [[Lie|is finally over]].]]
Chris since revised the story of the rainbow again to reveal that a sixth egg had been launched from the Rainbow, only to somehow wind up on the Earth's moon. There, the newborn Rosey was taken under the wing of [[Count Graduon]], who named her "[[Silvana]]" and trained her in the ways of evil. To better equip her for the cause of sexual villainy, Graduon gave Silvana the power to shape-shift, as well as male genitalia, to better fool horny enemy Rosechus. Like the other egg-born Sonichus and Rosechus, Silvana's age is established to be 19, even though Count Graduon wasn't unleashed until Sonichu was 16 and discovered the Anchuent Prophecy.

To make matters even more confusing, Chris has introduced several other Sonichus and Rosechus throughout the series, including [[Darkbind Sonichu]], [[DJ Jamsta]] Sonichu, [[Lolisa Rosechu]], [[Zapina]] Rosechu, and [[Simonla Rosechu]]. There was no initially explanation provided for when or how these other Sonichus and Rosechus were created throughout their appearances in the comic.

Christian revealed his most current patchwork re-telling of the Rainbow's ''gift'' in his own [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php?title=Sonichu&oldid=1763 Sonichu] article at the CWCipedia. Chris, not to be outdone by prior work, has pushed his myth [[Fail|''way past'' the third dimension]]:
{{quote|From the Rainbow, EGGS were emitted throughout Earth, Space and Time. ALL of The eggs were all time-traveled back to the day of February 2, 1989 into various locations. There were countless eggs in addition to the 5 that would hatch into the Chaotic Combo Electric-Hedgehogs.|[[Christian_Weston_Chandler|Chris]], never too sharp with [[Chris_humps_his_PS3|math]]... so let's just say it's ''more than you can count, mister!''}}

There is a innumerable amount of Electric-Hedgehog Pokémon among us. Be afraid.

==Other uses of rainbows==
[[Image:RainbowOverArk.jpg|thumb|right|Chris offers a "rainbow of promise" to his readers, rightfully comparing the travesty of his nude artwork with that of God's brutal punishment of mankind.]]
It should be noted that the various Sonichus and Rosechus represent every color of the rainbow, although this may be a coincidence, as there's so damn many of them that Chris has no choice but to use every possible color to tell them apart.

Following [[Trolls|fan]] backlash against the hardcore sex scene depicted in Sonichu #8, Chris removed or censored the pages containing genitalia from the site, and posted a ridiculous apology:

{{quote|**After Serious Consideration and numerous complaints, I HAVE REMOVED the explicit sexual pages from EPISODE 17 of Comic #8,
And as GOD Promised NEVER again to Flood the earth with a Rainbow over Noah's Ark, I cast My Rainbow of Promise to NEVER AGAIN
Draw or Upload any Further Images between Sonichus and Rosechus in EPISODE 18 of Comic #8, as well as ALL Future Comics,
that depict explicit sexuality.| Chris, correctly comparing his pornographic artwork to the horrors of global disaster <ref>[http://sonichu-roschu.blogspot.com/2008/09/episode-17-update.html The OFFICIAL Sonichu & Rosechu Blog: Episode 17 Update]</ref>}}

The message was accompanied by a large painting of Noah's Ark, depicting the rainbow described in the book of Genesis.

Despite Chris's assurances, he drew a love scene between Black Sonichu and Silvana Rosechu in the second half of the same issue, and later restored all of the deleted artwork in the [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Luv Shack]], along with promises of even more hideous furry porn to come.

Chris also offered a "rainbow of promise" in an e-mail to [[Megan]]:

{{quote|I understand the possible irriation from being touched, but I now realize what may have set off the burst of anger. It was because of my immature behavior (with jealousy) over the winner of that contest, wasn't it? I wanted you to know that I have honestly given up on that erronious behavior. I do apologize for having expressed that anger, and I offer a peaceful rainbow as my promise to not get jealous and express such anger again.|Chris, blowing out his ass<ref>"I now understand" 08 August 2007, 3:46 p.m. [[Chris_E-mails_2007]]</ref>}}

==[[A-U-T-ISM]]==

Chris makes use of rainbow imagery in his failed song "[[A-U-T-ISM]]".

<blockquote><poem style="font-style: italic;">I'm lookin' at you all and I see a rainbow, come on
You think I'm different in every way, come on
All of the times that I've earned [[honor roll]]!</poem></blockquote>

This is probably how [[Autism]] was explained to him. Either that or he thinks everyone is [[gay]].

==Possible interpretation of Chris's use of rainbows==
[[Image:Pride_flag.jpg|center|top]] 
<center>
'''He's gay!'''
 
</center>

==See also==
*[[Chaotic Combo]]
*[[Chaos Emeralds]]

==Sauces==
<references/>

==External links==
*[http://gay4sonichu.yuku.com/ Gay4Sonichu]
*[http://psmission.webs.com/ Pride Sonichu Mission]

[[Category:Plot Devices]]

Talk:Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2010-03-07T04:58:23Z

Llort: adding an explicit "to do" list

Just as a note since I'm too lazy to do it myself, I think "Robert" should be replaced with "Bob." At least, most trolls tend to know Chris's dad as "Bob" and tend to associate Robert with [[Robert Simmons V]]. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:13, 17 May 2009 (CEST)
:Finished. Looks like someone else had started it, but I went ahead and finished off the rest of the Roberts. [[User:Sakanz|sakanz]] 00:33, 6 December 2009 (CET)

In case anyone's looking for some "Mumble March"-type activities, there're just four minutes of this very long audio left to transcribe (shortly before the end of the tape). [[User:Llort|Llort]] 15:32, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:Correction: there's a ''ton'' of this left to transcribe, which I didn't notice earlier because the start is done, the end is done, and the whole thing's just so long. Maybe I can make a few improvements myself... [[User:Llort|Llort]] 14:26, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

==To do==

*Transcribe 24:23 - 32:00.
:*I guess I'll start working on this myself. But if anyone else has already started working on this in secret, do let me know so that I'm not duplicating your efforts! [[User:Llort|Llort]] 04:58, 7 March 2010 (UTC)
*Transcribe 36:49 - 01:14:22.
:*This gap is 40 minutes long, so it'd probably make sense to divvy it up in some way. I don't know where any logical subject-matter breaks fall, though, so maybe just breaking it up into four 10-minute segments would be best?
*Transcribe 01:25:29 - 01:29:34.
:*This is only 4 minutes of audio to transcribe. Get to it!

Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2010-03-07T04:43:48Z

Llort: /* Transcript */ full copy edit of "Retired Life"

In [[March 2009]], [[Chris]] went on his first, and only date ever with a [[troll]] called [[Emily]]. For posterity's sake, the event was recorded, and is now presented in text format for your enjoyment, here.

The voices heard in the recording are that of an elite crack team of courageous trolls and trollettes.

==Cast==

'''Frosty:''' A whiz kid, his high-tech know-how keeps the group online.

'''Camwhore:''' "Emily's friend", her mission is to capture video of the event.

'''Emily:''' Queen of trolls, she risks both life and limb on a plunge into the heart of darkness.

'''Pickle Man:''' Brave and daring hero, he protects Emily from certain peril.

'''Chris:''' Misshapen manchild, his disgusting nature seeps into the very recording of his voice.

'''Bob:''' [[Bob|Robert Chandler]], the proud Internet lumberjack, yet also slave to the manchild.

==Transcript==

Throughout the recording, a mall full of shoppers produces a background din.

===Prelude (00:00 - 03:12)===

'''Frosty:''' Okay… lock it? 
'''Frosty:''' Okay-- 
'''Camwhore:''' Are you wearing a thong? With a-- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' That better be fuckin' ''tight''. 
'''Emily:''' It's tight. 
'''Camwhore:''' That may pop out while you're walking around, while you're like-- 
'''Emily:''' I should be like-- 
'''Camwhore:''' Or a robotic vagina. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' Say "It's my vibrator." 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' It's one of those things that you see taped to those-- those hentai-- 
'''Frosty:''' Well, the thing is, Chris-- he [unintelligible (but clearly imitating Chris's voice)] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Ungh, ungh, ungh, ungh! 
'''Emily:''' Okay, if he get's, like, ''way'' too close to me, I'm just gonna be like-- get my chair farther away. 
'''Camwhore:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' I really like your [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughs''] Maybe Barb-- Barbara can come. 
'''Emily:''' Apparently, she doesn't leave the house anymore. 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I'm just [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Frosty:''' There-- there are Barb candidates ''everywhere''. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' No, no, no, no, no, no. But-- but in all actuality, there should be no Barb; if there ''is'' Barb, I will shit myself. 
'''Emily:''' If there is Barb, we're-- we're done. 
'''Camwhore:''' We're not showing up. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' "You brought your mommy?" 
'''Emily:''' I should be like, "No – just put that shit in the bag, and we're not doing anything today." 
'''Camwhore:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' That's it. 
'''Camwhore:''' And you can call him and be like "You owe me a ''dire'' apology, and you're the… jack-off--" 
'''Emily:''' No – I'm sure I'm gonna yell at him, and make him ''cry''. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' And I'm gonna be like "Oh – I live in Clyde's playboy mansion now." [''laughs''] 
'''Frosty:''' No – even better! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [aside] I'm waiting. 
'''Camwhore:''' I'm ''part'' of Clyde's playboy mansion. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' I'm the janitor. 
[''all laugh loudly''] 
'''Emily:''' Okay – let's go see if he's there. 
'''Camwhore:''' ''You'' go see if he's there. 
'''Emily:''' ''No!'' 'Cause-- 'cause it's-- 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible (but about "a girl")] 
'''Emily:''' 'Cause I'm gonna make it like an entrance, like… ''"Hiii!"'' 
'''Pickle Man:''' Did he say where [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' No. Like, he wants to be-- he wants to meet in front of Chick-Fil-A, so… 
'''Camwhore:''' Figures! But the ''general'' idea would be you park near where you wanna… go. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' What if that [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [aside] [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' Do you see those pile of balloons right there? Swear to God: it looks like a penis. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' The balloons. Right here. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' It's a fuckin' penis. 
[pause] 
'''Camwhore:''' Nope. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' [''sighs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [''sighs''] 
[pause] 
'''Camwhore:''' There's that ugly bitch that looks like Hamster Girl… at Starbucks. 
'''Emily:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Camwhore:''' She ''looks'' like Hamster Girl. 
'''Pickle Man:''' ''Which'' one looks like Hamster Girl? 
'''Camwhore:''' Right there. The only one that you can see working? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Oh – over at Starbucks? You should see her with that hair off. 
'''Camwhore:''' No, no, no. She looks like Hamster Girl. [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm telling you: you should see her with that hair off! 
'''Camwhore:''' Oh – she don't have no hair? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Um… 
'''Camwhore:''' Oh – she has a fake-- 
'''Pickle Man:''' She has fake hair, or… she has no hair… or the hair back like this. 
'''Camwhore:''' Well, yeah – I knew that. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' I was gonna say: I don't-- I guess she dyed her hair blond. 'Cause I remember seeing her with some ugly, strange-colored hair.

===Target Acquired (03:13 - 04:43)===

'''Frosty:''' There he is! 
'''Emily:''' [startled] What? 
'''Frosty:''' [unintelligible (but about "a jacket")] 
'''Emily:''' Oh my God! 
'''Emily:''' [jokingly] Eject! Oh my God! 
'''Frosty:''' Is your [inaudible] on? [unintelligible (but clearly about "a jacket" again)] Are you ready? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I'm ready. [''laughs nervously''] This is gonna be my best acting moment ever. 
'''Pickle Man:''' He can't see my face before I suit up. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – go, like, look, 'cause he has to get down first. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Frosty:''' He'll realize later: that's what it was. 
'''Camwhore:''' I don't feel bad. 
'''Emily:''' Okay. 
'''Emily:''' Hopefully, he, like, won't come, like, around and-- [inaudibly interrupted] Huh? I don't have my phone. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' Oh my God… 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' If this goes all smoothly, I should get, like… 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] Where do I sit… to, like, watch [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Um, there's some ''benches'', like… by the tables. [abruptly] Oh! Oh! Oh, no. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Okay – there's some benches, like, ''nearby''… 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? 
'''Emily:''' Um, just sit and watch him [unintelligible] you need to go change or whatever. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. Well, I-- I started the-- I [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. I'll [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''exhales loudly''] Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Or just, like… kinda walk around and see if you can… see us.

===The Green Mile (04:44 - 05:19)===

Nothing but Emily's footfalls can be heard as she marches off to meet the manchild.

===Meet the Parent (05:20 - 07:17)===

'''Emily:''' ''Hi!'' 
'''Chris:''' Hello! Emily? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! I'm Emily. So nice to meet you! 
'''Chris:''' Hi, Emily. This is my father, Robert. 
'''Bob:''' Hello. 
'''Emily:''' Hello. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' I've started shopping a little bit. 
'''Chris:''' That's alright. 
'''Bob:''' You're from West Virgina? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… I used to live here for a while, but then, I-- 
'''Chris:''' [abruptly] Hey! 
'''Emily:''' But then, I moved to-- 
'''Chris:''' Cute hat! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I thought you might like it. 
'''Chris:''' [''laughs contentedly''] 
'''Bob:''' You go to school over there? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – University of West Virginia. My friend, uh, wanted to go to school there, and she's my best friend, so I have to… go with her everywhere! [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Bob:''' That sounds like the best way to do things! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Hey, Emily – you mind, uh, a photo of you and me together? 
'''Emily:''' Sure! 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' What are you taking? 
'''Emily:''' I'm doing journalism. 
'''Bob:''' What? 
'''Emily:''' ''Journalism.'' 
'''Bob:''' Journalism? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Ah! You wanna be a writer! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''giggles''] I did a lot-- 
'''Bob:''' He has a… [[Cole Smithey|''half-brother'']] who's-- who lives in New York City… and, uh, does ''freelance'' writing and show reviews and things… for newspapers and magazines. 
'''Emily:''' Is it-- does he love it? 
'''Bob:''' I ''guess''. 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles again''] 
'''Bob:''' I haven't talked to him in years… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I can't this dang camera to work! 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – that's-- I worked at, uh-- I'm an engineer… and engineers never learn how to spell. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' I think very logically, but I-- 
'''Chris:''' Shoot! I got bad batteries in the camera. 
'''Emily:''' [disappointed] Oh… 
'''Bob:''' If I would-- if I would ''write'' anything, half the words would be phonetically rather than the way we're… ''supposed'' to do. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Bob:''' I got along fine… writing stuff… on my ''word'' processor… when I had a ''spell'' checker. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Without that, I'm [unintelligible (but clearly self-deprecating)] [''laughs heartily''] 
'''Emily:''' Did you like doing engineering? 
'''Bob:''' Well… I-- I had a real ''u-''nique situation… 
[pause]

===Bob's Work History (07:18 - 16:58)===

'''Bob:''' Look, uh… I'm-- I'm really old. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Okay – to start with: I'm 81. And, uh, I came along ''before'' transistors. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Not-- not [unintelligible] stuff we have now, but even before ''transistors''… when we had vacuum tubes. 
'''Bob:''' I, uh… got drafted after World War II. That's how old. But, uh… then, they put me in the Signal Corps, and they knew things I didn't know. They taught me how to install valve systems and switchboards and telephone [unintelligible]. So, I found out: yeah – I'm pretty good at that. So, when I got out – 'course that was in 1947 – I found out-- now, I know that we had a deflation on our hands; I didn't know it then. 
'''Bob:''' You couldn't get a job, so, I thought "Well, I got the G.I. Bill. I'll go to school." 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – now, it's really hard to become an engineer. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – now, ya-- I, uh-- 
'''Bob:''' I went to… a state [unintelligible] college to start with, 'cause I had the philosophy that if I went to a big school I'd be just… swallowed up. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, I went to a small school and took Pre-Engineering for two years, and that was the best thing ''I'' ever did, 'cause I wound up, uh-- well, I got-- I got through my two years of Pre-Engineering in small classes. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And also, I loved music, and I was in the band and everything. And I got in the symphony orchestra… and learned a lot about music while I was up there. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I went to Auburn, and then [unintelligible] swallowed up! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Then, at that time, Auburn-- which now has what: 30,000 students, or something? Auburn had about 5,000 students. 
'''Bob:''' I got my Engineering degree. And then, when I got out, I said "Well, I'll, uh… I can do anything with relays and telephones and valve systems, and [inaudible]. I'm gonna work for Western Electric." 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' That seems logical, right? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' [suddenly offended somehow] Hey! 
'''Bob:''' Because they make, uh-- 
'''Chris:''' You-- no – you listen to my father… because he's somethin'! Because I get some of my intelligence from ''him''. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Especially my ''technological'' intelligence. 
'''Bob:''' But anyway, I, uh-- I went to work for them for 40 years, and, uh… at that point in time… 
'''Bob:''' Uh, this is even ''before'' the Atlas missile… the ICBM. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Bob:''' ''Before'' the Korean War… and, uh-- but, I-- I found out they were building ''radar'' systems. Well, that was fine, but also, they had lots of government money, so they wanted some automatic test equipment. At that time, ''nothing'' was automatic. They ''had'' none! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, that's what ''I'' went and built. [unintelligible] what I learned in the army, right? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, I started working with the first automatic test equipment that we ever made. And then, GE heard about it… and they came down to [unintelligible] in North Carolina. 
'''Bob:''' And-- so, GE came down; they offered me a job… up in upstate New York. Cold country in Utica. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Bob:''' And then, uh… I went down to build some automatic test equipment for the ICBM [unintelligible] Intercontinental Ballistic Missile. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Nobody knows how, 'cause we haven't done it before. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' We'd done some of this automatic test equipment down here. "Why don't you come up there?" "Well, okay!" 
'''Bob:''' So, I went up there for three years and helped develop the, uh, automatic…equipment… for testing the missiles, and… all the guidance systems, and things… in the [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' But-- but I got-- I was a soldier, true and tried, 'cause I was born in Texas and raised in Alabama. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I was in North Carolina first. And then, I hit upstate New York, and I froze to death. [''chuckles''] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah, that must be really different! [''laughs again''] 
'''Bob:''' Well, after three years, I said "I'm going back to somethin' [unintelligible]" Well, GE-- I didn't know it then, but I had a real, natural ''draw''… to the mountains. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And I knew about Roanoke, since I'd been in, uh, [unintelligible] So, I wanted to come back to Roanoke, and GE had plants there. 
'''Bob:''' And… they were there developing-- specializing in industrial automation. Except they didn't done any ''automation'' yet. They were just industrial-controlled. 
'''Bob:''' So, I finagled a transfer back to Roanoke, and… I got there just at the time when they were startin'… to make… any kind of automation controls for engines. 
'''Bob:''' So, I got into what they call "a new business area". And I got to do ''all'' the great things. All my-- I-- I really had it right. I was in the right places at the right time. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Because I am very ''logically-''inclined. 
'''Emily:''' That doesn't really happen nowadays, with the economy… 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – and I-- I'm a logician. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Oddly enough, I never learned how a transistor even works… on records. But I ''use'' 'em all the time. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I use 'em. I'm retired now, a long time. But… when I started out with this group, and the first thing we got into was trying to automate a steel mill… for rolling [unintelligible] steel for your cars. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Well, we did that. And then, I got into… how to roll papers so you could get Kleenex. 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] 
'''Chris:''' And, of course, y'know, he's the guy that designed the controls for all the plastic water machines, so without him at this time, you couldn't have the plastic for your glasses. 
'''Bob:''' And-- and then-- then, I got into-- I was in the new business area [unintelligible] we could do the first one… and then, somebody else would take over and do the others. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And-- and then, I got into managing a paper mill. But then, I got into the… industry of-- of, uh, like [unintelligible] warehousing, automatic transition, like BART: Bay Area Rapid Transit. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Automatic railroads and all that kind of stuff. Automated a bunch of that. Then, I got into automating a bunch of mine [unintelligible] around the world. 
'''Emily:''' You've been through a lot! 
'''Bob:''' And then, I went to automating tanker ships, so you could run 'em from the bridge and have nobody downstairs. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Just someone else involved-- 
'''Chris:''' Want some water? 
'''Emily:''' No, thank you. 
'''Bob:''' And, uh… then, uh-- then, um, I got into… I developed [unintelligible] I found out that there was very few people like me in the world that had this natural… inclination… for logic. 
'''Bob:''' Anyway, like the ands, and ors, and the what-ifs, and the what-if-nots. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I developed a system… called a [inaudible] that stands [unintelligible]. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' Hardware-oriented Y2K pile of junk! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Similar fortune… was in… ''hardware''. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' Hey, everybody – I got [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you. 
'''Bob:''' What this enables-- 
'''Chris:''' [unintelligible (but clearly addressing Emily)] 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] Thank you. 
'''Bob:''' What this enables everybody to do-- and me, too, but I was lazy… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Was to write down on-- on paper – and design on paper from the start – a sequence of parallel lines. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And up to that point, nobody had a way of writin' it down on paper. 
'''Emily:''' [''half-stifles a genuine laugh''] 
'''Bob:''' And they ''still'' don't, really! [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' But that [unintelligible] to mind, horse and buggy. 
'''Bob:''' Elevator-type system that's over a 5,000 ft hole! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Then, I got into, uh, designing… ''scooter'' machines, which fused all the plastic around wires, and things like that… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Scooters. And then, I got into… die-cast machines… and the machines automating ''them''. They make things like carburetors, and cans, and whatever. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I got into ''plastics''… and even the ''plastics'' were [unintelligible] automating their machines. In the process, I ended up with about… ''two'' patents [unintelligible] in ''my'' name that ''they'' own. And all this… dumb stuff. And I saw the first 2-liter Coke bottle… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Come off the line in New England. 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] on it, and all these [unintelligible] ''doors'', and-- and, um… ''shutters'', and stuff like that made out of plastic. All this stuff we got plastic. 
'''Chris:''' [unintelligible] in your frames! 
'''Emily:''' Yep! [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' Including, uh, Tupperware. 
'''Emily:''' Can't… go without Tupperware… 
'''Bob:''' So, then [unintelligible] ''finalized'' and-- and perfected, basically, this [unintelligible] process… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Of design and documentation. [unintelligible] It came time for me to retire. And so, I did! [''chuckles''] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' So, now, I'm ''un-''indated with all this stuff I did, and I don't know whether I did the world a good thing or not. 
'''Emily:''' I think you did! 
'''Bob:''' But I can't-- 
'''Emily:''' You did a lot of things. 
'''Bob:''' I can't spell the word "cat" without a K in it. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, well, y'know, [[Chris and his ego|I'm proud of him anyway]], for his [[fail|accompliment]]-- accom-''plish-''ments. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' He's got a ''half-''brother who [unintelligible] 
'''Chris:''' ''His'' son. 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh…'' okay. 
'''Bob:''' And he's got a-- and I have a daughter, who is his-- his half-sister… that's a… Phi Beta Kappa outta UVA Atlantic. 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh…'' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' She's workin' for the federal government, and she's got a PHD now. She's working somewhere for the federal government. All these math people… I dunno.

===Retired Life (16:59 - 24:22)===

'''Emily:''' I'm not very good at math. [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' I'm not that-- 
'''Emily:''' That's why-- 
'''Bob:''' I'm good at ''logic'', but not at math. 
'''Chris:''' But ''I'm'' good at math! 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Bob:''' He's not good at math when it comes to managing money. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Chris:''' Hey – look! Hey – look it! I have… ''your'' plastic lid on it! 
[''Chris chuckles and Emily laughs''] 
'''Bob:''' We've been working with him, now, for 27 years. 
'''Bob:''' It was a challenge. ''Most'' of the time, I've been retired, so I could [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… usually, if you're not very good at math, you're really good at writing, which is why I'm going for journalism. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – well, I, um… I did-- I do alright with writing as long as I got a spell checker. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' I just, uh-- I-- but I enjoyed my life. It-- it, uh-- it-- I had… things; I had-- I had opportunities that most people don’t get. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I got to see all this stuff now. 
'''Emily:''' That’s good. I hope that, like, y'know, I can travel around the world and, y'know… write up-- do some journalism, like, overseas. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – I’ve been to Australia, and I’ve been to Korea, and I've been to England. 
'''Bob:''' ''Most'' people [unintelligible] to see 'em, but [unintelligible] I've never seen, 'cause they work too good. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Well, it-- it was interesting. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' I wish I could get-- find out what ''Christian's'' really good-- well, he’s pretty good in drawing… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' And writing. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – he-- she should know; she-- you’ve-- you should know; you've seen a bunch of [[Chris and art|my artwork]]. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! It’s really good! All my-- all my friends like it, as well. 
'''Bob:''' [[Chris and copyright|He’s ''creative'']]… but he’s, um… I-- I guess you know he’s-- [[autism|he's high-functioning autistic]]… and, um… 
'''Chris''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' At 6, he couldn’t even ''talk''… but he was… ''programming'' [unintelligible] computer: his Commodore computer… 
'''Chris:''' Commodore 64. 
'''Bob:''' [''laughs''] Which was his first little-- 
'''Emily:''' Oh! I don’t know very many-- much about computers! [''giggles''] Sorry! [''giggles some more''] 
'''Bob:''' You’ve probably got a laptop, with a word processor, don't ya? 
'''Emily:''' [reluctantly] Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah – but you-- 
'''Bob:''' Now, we've-- we-- we’ve brought him a long way. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' It’s been interesting. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… well, that’s a little piece for you-- that you can, uh, write about, if you want to. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! That-- that would be interesting. 
'''Chris:''' Anyway, you-- anyway, you came all the way here from, uh, VCU? Or did you make a few stops along the way? 
'''Emily:''' No – I came all the way from VCU. Um… like, a lot of my fr-- uh, friends over at VCU? They're into the whole Sonichu thing, but there’s a lot more… uh, like, I guess "Sonichu Girls"… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Up in, uh, the University of West Virginia. And we… k-- we kinda do, like, a newsletter-type thing every week. 
'''Chris:''' Wow. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' But this is in one of my favorite spots in the country. 
'''Chris:''' I commend you for that. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] little trees on West Avenue. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' Have you heard of West Avenue? 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' You know where West Avenue is? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – a little bit; I don’t… really go in that area. 
'''Bob:''' They're at the end of VCU, then? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] I don’t know that area very well. 
'''Bob:''' It’s-- it's a street of, uh, townhouses. And it's about three blocks long. And it’s got a second name called "Stork Alley". 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And every spring, they have a "Stork Alley Rally". 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh? Oh… 
'''Bob:''' At the same time, they have the Easter parade over on Monument Avenue. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I’ve never seen it before, but my friends tell me about it. But I’m usually stuck in, y'know… college. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – but-- but I was only in Richmond… um… 1975 through 1980. And then, I got married to ''his'' mother. And, um… ''he'' was born, and then, we got transferred over here; I worked for GE. 
'''Bob:''' And we lived in Chesterfield County… but I ''love'' West Avenue; that’s my favorite spot. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' I call it "Sesame Street". 
'''Emily:''' Oh, that’s… [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Because they call it "Stork Alley", 'cause there’s so many kids. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah? 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' I-- I-- I love the Virginian area. 
'''Bob:''' His ''mother''… was raised – but you wouldn’t believe it – she-- she was raised in a [unintelligible] home. And one that's [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' Right there on, um… I can’t think of the name of that street: the one that goes right in front of the Burger King… down at… VCU. 
'''Emily:''' I don’t know what… streets really are-- 
'''Bob:''' Well, again-- but that is a street that goes right in front of Burger King… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And right down the street from there is where… ''his'' mother lived for about 20 years and raised her first son. 
'''Bob:''' And he’s got a lot of ties to the family, too; he just doesn’t like me. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… do you guys have a big family? 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' Well, uh, we’ve got-- we've got ''my'' son, and my daughter. 
'''Bob:''' You-- my son’s in Richmond, and my daughter’s in Washington. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And then, we’ve got ''her'' son, who's in New York. And then, there’s the three of us. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – Schiffler's a really big family. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – we got… two-- really, two separate families. 
'''Emily:''' Mmm. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… but it’s not as big as The Brady Bunch! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' No… it isn't. 
'''Emily:''' No. 
'''Bob:''' But we-- we-- we enjoy it, and I-- I have-- uh, I grow flowers. And… I don’t have to worry about… makin' a livin' anymore… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' With Social Security, and… the GE pension. And GE's good and sound… fortunately! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' So, uh… I-- I grow day lilies. I’ve gotten my yard full of [unintelligible] 
'''Bob:''' And in the middle, I’ve got a, um… well, about 15 [unintelligible] greenhouse. 
'''Emily:''' Oh? 
'''Bob:''' Except… inside this greenhouse, it’s different. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Inside this greenhouse, there’s ''plastic'' flowers. 
'''Emily:''' Oh – ''plastic'' flowers? 
'''Bob:''' A ''swing''… and, uh, all my ''stereo'' stuff, and, uh… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – but he’s got ''real'' flowers in his garden. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. Oh, okay. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – the day lilies are real, in the garden; but inside here, it’s all flat. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah – day lilies bloom about once a year, during-- dur-- about ''once''-- 
'''Bob:''' In the summer. 
'''Chris:''' This-- this summer. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Bob:''' There-- there's also that-- 
'''Chris:''' And then, they stay that way for about a month or so. It’s a beautiful garden. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, I can imagine! 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – I’ve got about 15,000 healthy-- 
'''Chris:''' [dreamily/creepily] ''Imagine!'' 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And I-- I love all the music from-- from [unintelligible (but seemingly naming a pair of musical artists)]. 
'''Chris:''' Raise me on music, he did! 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' And-- and musicals. And soundtracks. 
'''Emily:''' Well, what’s ''your'' favorite artist? 
'''Chris:''' Uh, my favorite artist? Well, he didn’t raise me on it, but, y'know, my favorite ss-- uh… ''singer'' is Britney Spears. 
'''Emily:''' Britney Spears? 
'''Bob:''' And, uh, he's got all-- uh, mine are all back from the '40s, and '30s, and '20s, and-- 
'''Emily:''' And he’s into… more ''modern'' pop music? 
'''Chris:''' Although… I guess if I had to pick a ''classic'' favorite, it would have to be ''Satchmo''. 
'''Emily:''' "Satchmo"? 
'''Chris:''' Louis Armstrong. 
'''Bob:''' And-- but [unintelligible] all these big ''classics'' now-- 
'''Chris:''' [''does Satchmo impression''] "Ten feet off the ground!" 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Chris:''' [''imitates trumpet melody''] 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when it came out. All the European [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I couldn't ''afford'' it when they came out, 'cause they were [unintelligible] but now, you can get 'em at Goodwill and Salvation Army… 
'''Emily:''' Well-- 
'''Bob:''' A ''quarter'' to ''fifty'' cents apiece. 
'''Emily:''' [feigning enthusiastic agreement] Yeah! [''laughs weakly''] 
'''Bob:''' ''Thousands'' of them now! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' And inside, uh, I found out that inside this, um… um… ''greenhouse''… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm? 
'''Bob:''' It's got a ''dome'' ceiling… which gives it the ca-- ''cathedral'' [unintelligible] 
'''Bob:''' Well… I found this ''great'' stereo system at, uh-- in the 1970s, at Goodwill… and put ''it'' out there… along with the swing. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' And… if you turn the volume up, then that music just sounds like it’s the hall where they ''recorded'' it! Ah – it's great! 
'''Bob:''' Goin' out there and swingin' with my music for hours on end! 
'''Emily:''' [unintelligible] 
'''Bob:''' [''laughs heartily''] 
'''Emily:''' That must be really relaxing! 
'''Bob:''' Well, yeah – it's a nice life! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''laughs politely'']

===(24:23 - 32:00)===

{{Transcription}}

===In which Chris impersonates Donald Duck (32:01 - 36:48)===

After more of Bob's life story, Chris orders Bob to retrieve food for them, and continues his conversation with Emily. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, I must say you look good. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you. 
'''Chris:''' You know, you’re the first female Sonichu fan that has actually come a long distance to see me. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, its not that far. I’m sure maybe some of the girls from VCU would come down sometime, like maybe during summer break. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, but I mean at least all the way from West Virginia, I mean that’s farther than VCU. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, (Laughs) we might take a road trip down here. 
'''Chris:''' (Speaking in a sing-song voice) Take a road trip, its a little road trip… 
'''Emily:''' (Confused laugh) 
(Here Chris graces Emily with his Donald Duck Impression, which is difficult to convey in writing) 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) Is that the one that scared that child? 
'''Chris:''' Er- 
'''Emily:''' At Wendy’s… 
'''Chris:''' Uh… 
'''Emily:''' I don’t know how that’s scary- 
'''Chris:''' (Talking over her) No, not really scary, you see he was tired… 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay so you- 
'''Chris:'''(Interrupting)Yeah. But it makes a lot of children smile, ‘cause they’re familiar with that classic Disney character. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Y-you don’t mind if I have my hand on your shoulder… 
'''Emily:''' Uh, not for too long… 
'''Chris:''' (Chuckles) 
'''Emily:''' Oookay, n-not for too long… 
'''Chris:''' Okay… heh, this is like, wow, I finally get, like, this beautiful girl in front of me. 
'''Emily:''' (Nervous laughter) Thank you. 
'''Chris:''' And she actually got to know me. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Just like you know, yeah. (Changing subject abruptly) So what’s the reason you need your glasses for? I’m nearsighted myself. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah I’m nearsighted as well. I don’t have very good eyes. 
'''Chris:''' Its like, you know, we’re close so we don’t need glasses to see each other, do we? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… no, its still blurry. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… How do you look without that hat? I mean I like to see the, uh 
'''Emily:''' I like this hat. My hair doesn’t look good today. 
'''Chris:''' Oh. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Your hair doesn’t look good… are you sure? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. I’m sure. (Giggles) 
'''Chris:''' How’s my hair look? 
'''Emily:''' It looks good! 
'''Chris:''' That’s good. [inaudible] sleeping against pillows and I took a shower before, before I went – crashing on the couch. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah but I put on some, buh, er, some Axe body spray before I left… do you like that smell? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, it depends on which one it is. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Which one is it? 
'''Chris:''' I believe its, uh, called 'Proximity.' 
'''Emily:''' Oh, I really like the new chocolate one 
'''Chris:''' Oh, the uh 'Dark Temptation.' 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' I was running low on that can anyway. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' Its like I, if I – If I – If I – (laughs, stutters indistinctly) – gotten more of that. 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' (sighs) But seriously though, you are cute. 
'''Emily:''' Ah, thank you. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I like the - I like this – I like the get-up you’re wearing. Its like you – like you came straight from, uh the PGSM… show. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah. (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' [inaudible]Like a live action Sailor Moon. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, I’ve seen some of the episodes for that. 
'''Chris:''' I’ve got the entire series saved to my Playstation 3, including the, uh, wedding episode. 
'''Emily:''' I don’t think I’ve seen that one. 
'''Chris:''' Its like, uh, a very special last episode. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' You actually get to see (Japanese name) and, uh, I forget his name but you know – 
'''Emily:''' Uh, (Japanese name)? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, (Japanese name), that’s it, you got it. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' You got it. 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' You got it. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, I used to be a really big fan of Sailor Moon, well, I still am, I’m just not as big of a fan as nowadays. 
'''Chris:''' did you see the entire anime series? 
'''Emily:''' Um, I haven’t seen the last season. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, Sailor Stars. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. ‘cause it didn’t come out in America, and they’re, like, afraid of the transsexuals. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah I know – I know that. But I have that on DVD, you know, with Japanese audio and English subtitles. 
'''Emily:''' How do you feel about that? Like, the transsexuals and the [inaudible]? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Um… 
'''Emily:''' Does it, like, make you uncomfortable, or, would you have minded if, like, it came out on TV Shows to, like, little kids? 
'''Chris:''' Uh… Yeah… I don’t have much of an opinion… (Laughs nervously) 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) Its kind of a sketchy subject there. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah its… its itchy. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
(Brief awkward pause, punctuated by Emily laughing) 
'''Chris:''' Yeah but you can sketch a lot in your, uh, journalism, don'tcha? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. Well, we don’t draw a lot, we just – we do like little outlines and then we start writing- 
'''Chris:''' (Interrupting) I mean you, I mean you sketch your letters. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' I bet you sketch your signature pretty. Don’t you? 
'''Emily:''' No, I thinks its, uh, its basically a bunch of scribbles. (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' Ah, a lot of people would say that about their signatures I’m sure. 
'''Emily:''' Well some people just like put an X for their signature and that’s it. 
'''Chris:''' Eh, but not you. You put… 
'''Emily:''' An ‘E’ and an ‘S’ basically. (Giggles) 
'''Chris:''' Uh, uh, an ‘S’?. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, Emily Schiflet(?) 
'''Chris:''' Oh, that’s your last name, Schiflet(?) 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, my middle name’s Julia. 
'''Chris:''' Joolia? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Emily Julia Schiflet. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. Flows nicely, doesn’t it? 
'''Chris:''' Its beautiful. 
'''Emily:''' Aw, thank you. 
'''Chris:''' Do you dot your ‘I’ in ‘Julia’ with a heart? 
'''Emily:''' No. (Giggles) 
Bob Returns. 
'''Chris:''' All right dad, I’ll let you, uh, divvy up the spaghetti onto my plate.

===(36:49 - 01:14:22)===

{{Transcription}}

===A Walk to Remember (01:14:23 - 01:21:43)===

Chris and Emily awkwardly leave Bob who continues to ramble as they clomp off through the mall. 
'''Bob:''' Take care. 
'''Chris:''' Alright come on, Emily, let's, let's walk… 
Bob babbles on about sending something. 
'''Emily:'''Okay… okay, you can show me around the mall… 
'''Chris:''' Okay! Here's our… heights… You… you come to just about my eyeline. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous tittering* 
They walk quietly for a moment as Chris mutters something quietly. 
'''Chris:''' *sigh* So where you li… where do you usually like to go shopping at when you're at a shopping center? 
'''Emily:''' *impatiently* Clothes stores. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, they have a number of clothing stores in, uh… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' … a J.C. Penney and a Sears, among other places that uh, more name brands… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah a lot of the stores here are, if you take a look, take a look at the prices and they're pretty expensive. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… Yeah… but, you know, they used to ha- they used to have a Kay-Bee Toys here and I- that's where I got my- turns out- my thousand dollar shopping spree I won around the… around the Adventures- the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog… 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Chris:''' That sweepstakes, you might remember I put something about that… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' … you might remember that, uh, news clip… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! I've seen it. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
Chris nervously takes a few steps. 
'''Chris:''' Wow… you're like… I'm sorry. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' I'm just fascinated like… you're just like… a character from PGSM or from- came all the way from Japan- just leapt out of my television! 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* No I'm definitely all American. 
'''Chris:''' You're all American. 
'''Emily:''' I'm all American. 
'''Chris:''' Okay- so it's just- it's just your eyes that are excepting. 
'''Emily:''' *shameless subject change* Yeah… so what's your favorite store here? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah it's- currently, since they took away the toy store- I think it's- I would say it's mostly Gamestop, but I also go to the bookstore or Sears, or even the Spencer's that's down on the other side of the mall. And they used to have an FYE here, which was a Suncoast before- before it- before they all merged and became an FYE, but then they closed that to make the next business here. 
'''Emily:''' What's down the other way… cause I've been… I came down this way, but I haven't been down that way. 
'''Chris:''' Okay, we'll go down that way! Alright. I hope- Hope you don't mind me sticking around your left side… 
'''Emily:''' *bravely* Okay, that's fine! 
'''Chris:''' I mean, I guess I should keep my hands to myself and behave, right? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, you should probably do that. 
'''Chris:''' I mean, I'm just trying to be friendly. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' But, you know, not- but you know- respectful- touch you gently on the shoulder or the back- 
'''Emily:''' *vomitously* Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I mean at least I'm not that guy from Inuyasha that… go- eh- go for the bum. 
'''Emily:''' *vomitously* Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Heh-heh, that's funny. Always get slapped in the face, he does. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I forget his name, I think it's Mamoru, or something like that 
'''Emily:''' Uh… . it's Miroku. 
'''Chris:''' *talking over her* Do you watch Inuyasha? Yeah, Miroku, that was it, you hi- you hit it on the head right there… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
Emily awkwardly walks several steps… 
'''Emily:''' *delaying* Is that the… food court there? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah that's basically the food court. 
'''Emily:''' OK… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah it use- it used to have McDonalds here- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' … soooo many years ago across from the Gamestop there, back then it was called Babbages… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' And then between them and Suncoast was FunCo Land and Software Etc. and they all merged into a Ga- they all merged into Gamestop 
'''Emily:''' Oh… never heard about that… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… I'm sh- I'm sh- I'm sure you must've at least noticed those game stores back in your youth- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… I play video games sometimes, but not very often… 
'''Salesman:''' HELLO WOULD YOU LIKE HARAAGARALABHGH 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no thank you! 
'''Chris:''' No thank you! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… right over- see- where that *unintelligble name of store*, that's where PacSun used to be, where Anna McLerran 
'''Emily:''' Oh yeah… I've… I've heard of her as well… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Emily:''' Is she still around? 
'''Chris:''' No she, uh- moved to Utah. 
'''Emily:''' Utah… 
'''Chris:''' She's a Mormon. Found that out after I met her. But we cam- but we- but we could became good friends and I gave her, uh, you know, gave her a going away/birthday party before she left for Utah… 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh! 
'''Chris:''' For her 20th birthday… and actually her- actual- and actually her friends, uh, her friends and I got together and put together the party. *emphatically* I k- I bought the cake. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, that's nice of you… and… there was also Megan. Do you keep in contact with her? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah uh… no, not-no-n-n-not-been-touch with her for a long time. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' That's cause she moved to another state. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… did she move to Utah too? 
'''Chris:''' Uh, no, I don't think she moved to Utah, I don't even remember where she moved to. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' But you know, sometimes, I, uh, I dream I'm back in uh, Manchester High, you know, I get to see all my- all my old s- c- all my old friends… there. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Sometimes I even see Megan and John in there… John's her brother… 
'''Emily:''' Oh ok… 
'''Chris:''' Can you believe that, attending Manchester High like I was back then, 
'''Emily:''' *small laughter* 
'''Chris:''' … but yet they never went- they never been- they never been to Manchester High, neither of them. Isn't that… kinda funny? 
'''Emily:''' *slightly sarcastically* Yeah… that is kinda funny! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… FYE was over there… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… I guess it's becoming a LensCrafters? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I guess… anyway here's the Spencer's. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' If you like looking at the, uh, naughty stuff- 
'''Emily:''' *quickly* No, I'm not into that. 
'''Chris:''' Not yet anyway! *laughs* 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' Ah, but you might. But it's mostly humorous, anyway. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… well… doesn't look like there's anything down here… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… not much… not much to look at around here… the toy stores around here are down here… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… well I gotta get going soon, it's gonna be a long drive! 
'''Chris:''' Long drive… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Well I hope, uh, you at least, uh, keep the memories we've shared… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah I'll walk you to your car, if you want… 
'''Emily:''' No, I'll probably have to go to the bathroom first… it's that time of the month… 
'''Chris:''' Oh. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, when you're on your, uh, period… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, aside from the, uh, first time, uh, meeting, this first meeting, uh, how do you feel about me? In general… 
'''Emily:''' You're a really nice guy! 
'''Chris:''' Thank you… 
'''Emily:''' I don't know why people pick on you and all that… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, they should get to know me in person… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I mean I'm a gentleman, I behave… behave… 
'''Emily:''' *steering the beast* Have you been into any of these stores over here?

===Meet the Pickle (01:21:44 - 01:25:29)===

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] Yeah, so, um, you wouldn't want to go see Watchmen, would you? 
'''Chris:''' Uh… no. 
'''Emily:''' I'd see that movie. 
'''Chris:''' *shocked* Uh… any particular reason why you're dressed up like that? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Not in particular. 
'''Chris:''' Come on, Emily. 
'''Emily:''' What? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Hey, hey, maybe the lady wants to go with me. Ya, ya want to go see Watchmen? Lots of, uh… 
'''Emily:''' *gloating* Why, what's wrong? 
'''Chris:''' The man in the pickle suit… a- it's apparent this guy's amongst the… trolls. 
'''Pickle Man:''' You think… 
'''Emily:''' What's a tro… 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Passerby:''' Sir… sir, what are you? 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm a pickle. 
'''Passerby:''' You're a pickle! I love pickles. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? Pickles are pretty cool. 
'''Passerby:''' And who are you advertising with? 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm not really advertising. 
'''Passerby:''' You're just dressed for fun? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Just bored. 
'''Chris:''' Dressed as a pickle to HAUNT ME. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Excuse me? I don't even know you. 
'''Passerby:''' You're just bored? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yep! 
'''Chris:''' *questioningly* You don't even know me… are you sure… do you have internet access? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Lots of people have internet access. 
'''Chris:''' Do you know Sonichu and Rosechu? 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. 
'''Chris:''' Do you know about Encyclopedia Dramatica? 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. (turning to Emily) Want to go see Watchmen? 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs* No, no, no, she's with- 
'''Emily:''' Alright! 
'''Chris:''' … she's h- she's headed over to- she's heading back to her home town. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, Watchmen would be pretty cool. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, it would be pretty cool! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, alright, uh… 
'''Emily:''' Let's go see it! 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah? 
'''Pickle Man:''' (to Emily as they turn to leave together) You've probably seen Watchmen (he refers to the novel), haven't you? 
'''Chris:''' (answering the question meant for Emily as he is clearly left behind) I've heard of Watchmen… 
'''Pickle Man:''' *laughs at Chris* 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' (inaudible, but clearly saying something to the effect that he doesn't like the Pickle Man.) 
'''Emily:''' *gloating* What's wrong with him? 
'''Pickle Man:''' What, you like pickles? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… I do not like pickles. 
'''Pickle Man:''' No pickles? 
'''Chris:''' And also particularly a guy in a pickle suit who tricked me on the internet pretending that he was Blanca! 
'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! 
'''Pickle Man:''' Who's Blanca? 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs/grunts* 
'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! See, he's a nice guy. 
'''Chris:''' (inaudible, but stressed as he moves closer to Emily) 
'''Pickle Man:''' I think you're making the lady uncomfortable there, Chris. 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs* I'm sorry, Emily. 
'''Emily:''' It's ok… I think I have… to go to the bathroom now… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, go change my tampon. 
'''Chris:''' Oh boy. [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' [inaudible] … but I guess I do now. 
'''Emily:''' *attempting to brush him off* OK, well it was nice meeting you… maybe we'll talk online or something. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah well… I kinda… [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' (as they continue trying to walk away) Well, we're going to go now. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah well… 
'''Emily:''' I'm going to the bathroom. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, either of- (to Pickle Man) you're not going where she's going… 
'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, we're- we're leaving together. 
'''Chris:''' Are you with her? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Now we are. We're going to go see Watchmen. 
'''Chris:''' No! N- no! She's going b- you gotta go back to West Virginia, don't you. 
'''Pickle Man:''' We're going to go see Watchmen first. 
'''Emily:''' I'm kinda- just- gonna- Watchmen's not that long of a movie. 
'''Chris:''' *suddenly concerned for Emily* Yeah, but you got a five hour drive! 
'''Emily:''' *dismissively* It'll be ok. 
The Pickle Man and Chris indistinctly carry on a short dialogue. The Pickle Man seems to be asking Chris why he is following along, and Chris replies: 
'''Chris:''' I'm just staying close to my friends 
'''Emily:''' Alright, see ya! 

===(01:25:29 - 01:29:34)===

{{Transcription}}

===A Precious Farewell (01:29:35 - 01:31:10)===

'''Pickle Man:''' So, you ready to go? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, my car's that way. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, her car's… Your car's [inaudible] didn't you? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, so did I. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, you did? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Which [inaudible]? 
'''Chris:''' Tha- that way. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… I'm over there. 
'''Chris:''' Oh. (continues walking alongside Pickle Man and Emily) 
'''Emily:''' Chris… you don't need to walk me to my car. 
'''Chris:''' Okaaay. 
'''Emily:''' This is… Alright. 
'''Chris:''' So, you have yourself a safe trip back to uhh… West Virginia. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… (feigning cheerfulness) okay! I might call you on Skype later. 
'''Chris:''' Okay, you take care. 
'''Emily:''' You too. 
'''Chris:''' Hey… (attempts to hug and kiss Emily) 
'''Emily:''' (tries to avoid Chris) No… no… no thank you! (nervous laughter) No thank you. 
'''Chris:''' (Chris gives up) Okay. 
'''Emily:''' Alright, see you. 
'''Chris:''' Alright, well you take care, be safe. 
'''Emily:''' Alright, you too. 
(8 seconds pass as Pickle Man and Emily walk away from Chris)
'''Chris:''' (yelling from a distance) HE KNOWS CLYDE CASH! 
(laughter from Pickle Man and Emily)
'''Emily:''' (laughing) Mission accomplished! 
'''Pickle Man:''' Is he gone yet? 
'''Emily:''' I don't know, let me look behind. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry. I'm so sorry. 
'''Emily:''' That's okay!. [inaudible] worse than me… 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm so sorry. 
'''Emily:''' That's okay. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay… [inaudible] man in the pickle suit? 
'''Emily:''' (laughs) 
'''Pickle Man:''' (laughingly says something about Clyde Cash) 
'''Emily:''' (laughs) Wait there… there's Frosty. 
'''Pickle Man:''' What? 
'''Emily:''' Looks like he's gone now. I'm gonna go tell him what happened. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. 
'''Emily:''' (presumably walking to see Frosty) Yes! Still recording!

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?hgz03i1wj4n The Date Audio]

[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Trolling]]

The Simpsons

2010-03-07T02:42:27Z

Llort: once again: there's really no reason whatsoever to list the ways in which Family Guy rips off the Simpsons

[[Image:DorkyExpression.jpg|thumb|Chris rips off Homer's catchphrase.]]

'''The Simpsons''' is a cartoon about an extremely dysfunctional family, their daily life, and their various wacky adventures. At first the show was considered a classic, but over the years the quality has degenerated, with ridiculous storylines and token celebrity appearances now the order of the day. Of course, like all mediocre cartoons, [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] loves it, although not as much as he loves the sub-par rip-off, [[Family Guy]].

Unlike other bad shows, Chris seems to distance himself from it. However, he still seems to be a huge fan of the show, going so far as to video himself [[What%27s_the_Name,_Christian_Chandler,_C_H_R_I_S_C_H_A_N|singing his own version of the Mr. Plow remix]] that featured in a recent ''The Simpsons'' 20th anniversary special. When Chris finally [[Long_Island_Iced_Tea#Grip_.27n.27_Sip|decided to drink alcohol]], his drink of choice was the Long Island Iced Tea, influenced by an episode where Marge Simpson drank one. It also seems from the [[Secret Weapon]] video that at times Chris laughs like Nelson, a character of the series known for his signature "Ha-ha!" laugh. It recently seems that a poster of Marge's Playboy magazine cover has become one of his many defenses against becoming a [[homo|homo.]] Chris also seems to have lifted the idea of a second Valentine's Day called "[[Christian_Love_Day#Christian_Love_Day|Love Day]]" from the episode "Trash of the Titans." Of course, Chris missed the point that the holiday was an artificial one borne out of [[Ego#Materialism|greed and selfishness]] rather than love, and also that the very people who created it thought it sounded stupid when they said the name should be, "like 'Love Day,' only not so lame."

{{stub}}

[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]

CWCki talk:Transcription Collective

2010-03-06T04:42:31Z

Llort: /* YouTube is gonna automatically caption videos */

==To do==

*make neato user box to identify users who are part of the Collective <--- [[Template:Transcriber|Done?]] [[User_talk:Rubidium|37]] [[User:Rubidium|'''Rb''']] [[Special:Contributions/Rubidium|85.468]] 20:38, 24 February 2010 (UTC)
*promote it and stuff.
*have this page serve as a place to discuss meta transcription issues.

Point is, Clyde likes to joke that I need to get transcribing [insert new Chris media here]. But in reality, there's a lot of hard working transcriptionists who manage to transcribe new videos within minutes of them being released. It's something that very much impresses me and what makes CWCki so damn great.

One of the goals should be to utilize such efforts towards completing a lot of unfinished transcripts and to allow for better collaboration on transcription projects.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:07, 24 February 2010 (UTC)

:* As the author of CWCki's style guide (or what's currently passing for one), I figure I'm one of the dudes you're talking about. You can count on me to keep our transcripts stylish. ;3 [[User:Llort|Llort]] 20:06, 24 February 2010 (UTC)

==So is this a good place to discuss color-coding?==
Because I'd like to address that. I personally find it easier to read when we only color the speaker's name instead of his whole chunk of text. It's also easier to see the links that way.

But that's just me.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 05:04, 25 February 2010 (UTC)

:* I've always liked the fully-colored dialogue, but then again, I can't remember the last time I saw a colored-names-only transcript, so it's hard for me to say for sure. [[User:Llort|Llort]] 05:13, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
::*It's here and there. I just did it in Chris's PS3 menu fest. Tell me what you think.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 05:26, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
:::* I think I like full color more, but that may just be familiarity speaking. Colored names with black text certainly does make links more obvious. Neither way is right or wrong, and I guess my opinion is neutral. [[User:Llort|Llort]] 06:11, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
::::*Key thing though should be 1) linking and 2) readability. Light green text on a white background is hard to read, dude. Yes, it's readable but it's not easy on the eyes. Furthermore, Chris as the same blue as links is kinda lame because then it's hard to see links and when I tell people to add links they bitch about "Well how are we suppose to see the links if Chris is dark blue?" There's nothing wrong with some color coding, my problem with this system is that it's putting aesthetics over wikiness and readability. The latter two should take precedence over the former. I think the best solution would be something along the lines of what beat proposes, that is color coded names and black text.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 16:54, 27 February 2010 (UTC)
:::::* I also prefer the full colour lines. It just makes it easier for me to follow the transcripts. But I do agree it's annoying that Chris is the same colour as links. Would it be better to just not give Chris a colour at all? He's Chris. The whole wiki is about him. I get that different characters need different colours, but Chris is Chris all the way through. I don't think anyone would mind if we just set Chris's (Chris? Chrises? Chris's? I hate apostrophes) colour as "black". As long as there's a clear line where the transcripts start and end, I don't think it would cause any trouble. [[User:Stickly|Stickly]] 12:42, 1 March 2010 (UTC)
::::::*This is a good idea, but the problem is that people use black for "action" like for [[Stress sigh|sighs]] and such. However, if a troll says something that needs an explanatory link, it'll look weird if, say, their text is green and all of a sudden there's a blue link. Beat's treatment of the [[[Father Call]], IMHO, seems to set up a good setup for a new sort of transcription style. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:37, 1 March 2010 (UTC)
:::::::* I don't quite get what you mean by the "using black for action text is a problem" since in the [[Father Call]] you link to, all of the text is black and the "action" text is ''still'' black. But after reading through it, I've gotta say I prefer the colour names / black text system now. It looks more... proper, somehow. I'll put some work in later and change the [[Alec benson leary calls]] over to the "coloured names / black text" thing. I'll do them in one diff so they're easy to revert if anyone disagrees later. I'll try to make the use of action text more uniform too. [[User:Stickly|Stickly]] 16:42, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:::::::* Okay I realised that just going through everything and changing it without checking with anyone first was kind of an asshole thing to do, so I just did the [[Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 1|first one]] since Alec's colour was wrong and needed changing anyway. If people agree that it's better I'll do the rest. It went a lot faster than I thought it would because I forgot about the "find and replace" tool in word. [[User:Stickly|Stickly]] 17:55, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

== Segmenting transcripts. ==

I think that we need to consider splitting transcripts into subsections whenever the audio goes on for longer than 30 minutes. Most of the Alec Benson Leary calls are pretty long, some of the mumble chats go on forever, and the Father call goes past the 2 hour mark. There are a couple of transcripts that do this, such as Emily date and Mumble 1. I'm going to try and add similar breaks to some of the other very long transcripts, probably starting with the longer ALB calls. Someone let me know if I fuck up too badly.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 22:31, 26 February 2010 (UTC)
:* I liked the way that [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] and I ended up handling [[Liquid and Kacey Call]]. (Although I never did get around to finishing all of my intended editing for that page.) Other methods may work just as well. [[User:Llort|Llort]] 01:50, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

== March is Mumble Month ==

If there is one major task on the CWCki, it's to finish transcribing unfinished transcriptions. Yes, it's not easy to transcribe Mumble chats and stuff. However, given that we were able to get a two hour [[Father Call]] transcribed within a day of it being released is no excuse for having nearly year old Mumble chats still unfinished. These provide gold in terms of information about Chris and until they're transcribed, they're not being fully utilized.

I recall someone being like "But Champthom, why don't we just leave the summaries since no one will want to read the whole transcript?" To that I say BULLSHIT. The problem with summaries is that they essentially reflect the opinion of what is important of whoever summarizes them. They're still good to have if people are really lazy but if someone wants to read the transcript, they should be able to do so so they can draw their own conclusions about the given chat.

So I declare March to be Mumble transcription month, with the goal being to transcribe the Mumble chats by the end of the month. First project with be finishing transcribing [[Mumble 2]]. Those who contribute will get a SUPER DUPER SPECIAL user box for their page, I swear.

So get at it. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:16, 1 March 2010 (UTC)
*And to prove I'm not kidding, check out this Medal I rigged in MS Paint:
{{Template:MumbleMedal}}

:Yes friends, it can be yours if you contribute to transcribing the Mumble chats this month. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 09:33, 1 March 2010 (UTC)

I know it's not a Mumble, but the 90-minute audio recording of the [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|Emily Date]] badly needs transcription help. Currently, only random segments are transcribed, covering about half of the full audio. There are still two holes in the middle (one 8 minutes long and one 40 minutes long) and a third hole near the end (only four minutes long). I'm much better at editing transcripts than I am at typing them up, so I'd appreciate it if someone else took the initiative on this one. I've already fixed all of the formatting and pointed out all of the gaps, so the road ahead is clear. TL;DR: PLZ TRANSCRIBE DIS BITCH!! [[User:Llort|Llort]] 04:57, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
*As I said on the Bob Chandler page, thank you for bringing this to my attention, personally. I didn't notice that the entire date has not been transcribed when this is a crucial transcript which, for starters, has vital information about Bob. Mumble chats are important, but it is important we finish transcribing this.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:39, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

Let's call it "March Mumble Madness." --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 05:37, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
*I like it. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:39, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

== YouTube is gonna automatically caption videos ==

[http://www.mercurynews.com/google/ci_14514072 Srsly]. Now there's like, no reason to transcribe stuff. All we really have to do then is transcribe stuff like released audio, and to smooth out any glitches from the voice recognition software that YouTube is gonna used. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 01:13, 6 March 2010 (UTC)
:"any video that meets sound and technical quality standards" - I don't think any of Chris's videos will meet those. Some of the videos already auto transcribed are pretty bad, like [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJgbVrFasxk this one] --[[User:Digital|Digital]] 03:00, 6 March 2010 (UTC)
::It'll make transcribing easier, sure, but I actually like reading the transcripts over watching the videos. The less I have to hear of Chris's grating voice, the better. I realize this may seem odd considering how many videos I've transcribed. My goal is to make sure nobody ever has to watch a Chris-Chan video twice.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 04:14, 6 March 2010 (UTC)
:::Let's not get too excited, folks. Judging by that DPF video, it looks like YouTube's speech recognition software only manages about 20% accuracy, which is - needless to say - horrendous. What's worse: that video has better audio quality for the software to work from than do virtually all of Chris's videos and all of the leaked audio recordings. Therefore, human transcription will be needed for a very long time to come, chums. [[User:Llort|Llort]] 04:42, 6 March 2010 (UTC)

Talk:Bob Chandler

2010-03-05T03:57:55Z

Llort:

==To do==
*<strike>Picture of Bob</strike>
**Bob looks like fucking Jigsaw. Scary. [[User:YawningSquirtleRedux|YawningSquirtleRedux]] 18:34, 7 February 2010 (UTC)
*Chris's relationship with Bob, in Chris's own words
*add some background to Bob's history. He goes on about himself in the date audio, and he's a pretty interesting guy, like he saw the first plastic Coke bottles shipped off from the assembly line, and he was in the Signal Corps and all sorts of other interesting stuff. We need some of that in here. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 05:06, 26 March 2009 (CET)

(Quick question - whats the date audio? Thanks!)
*...the audio of Chris's date with [[Emily]]. As seen available on the [[The Miscreants]] website. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 21:31, 17 April 2009 (CEST)

Should I mention he just got sent to the hospital in the health section with congestive heart failure? [[Shawths|Shawths]]

==Great job!==

Seriously, this article is terrific now. I'm surprised how far it's come. Good work to all those involved. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 10:11, 11 June 2009 (CEST)

: Still need more on video games and raising Chris. The section on Chris should be the biggest in this article. Will wait for others to finish transcribing because I can't make out Bob's quiet voice in church & Emily. [[User:Axe|Axe]] 10:24, 11 June 2009 (CEST)

== Bob's birthday ==

Why did everyone think it was Feb. 9th instead of Sept. 4? Does Chris not know when his father's birthday is? [[User:Sauerkraut131|Sauerkraut131]] 04:41, 27 June 2009 (CEST)
*No, it's just hard to tell from the Family Tree poster since it's in microscopic print. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 06:27, 27 June 2009 (CEST)

==Radio Station Gig==
According to some of the recordings via Yahoo Messenger, didn't Bob worked at a radio station at one time? [[User:Decoy Octillery|Decoy Octillery]] 21:01, 5 August 2009 (CEST)

==i suck==

Hi, first time editor, long time lurker. I called CWC's house today, hoping to talk to him, but I got Bob instead. Those other people exaggerated about Bob's bravado in their callfail video, Bob isn't much of an opponent if you don't let him get a word in, he just seems to stammer a lot. Of note, he recognized my Texas area code (432) and said he was from Texas, and that he knew some KKK people who he said he would send over to my house if I didn't stop calling. Unfortunately it's lost to time because I can't record from my cellphone and maintain a decent quality. I called him in the morning, when he woke up I honestly thought it was Chris. Anyways, I suck at this shit, I'm gonna just lurk and wtach from now on. I don't have what it takes to be a troll. Thanks for the interesting page, and sorry I don't have any audio to give you guys. [[User:ColossalFail|ColossalFail]] 19:35, 28 November 2009 (CET)

==Hey... ==

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIoS-gPOA0k]

My friend sent me this video earlier today. It has to do with someone prank calling Bob to get more info out of him involving his current life. Is there anything in it we could possibly use for this article? --[[User:EdtheHedgehog1894|EdtheHedgehog1894]] 16:41, 20 February 2010 (EST)

==Congestive heart failure==
{{protip|[[CWCki:NOTAFORUM|CWCki is not a forum]]. Discussion regarding the accuracy of these tweets are reasonable, but trolling plans and personal concerns about Bob's well being in regards have no place on CWCki. Please take all discussions to [[Krapple|/cwc/]], [[Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens (message board)]], or if you're really desperate [[EDF]].}}
Damn. We all knew this was coming eventually, but still.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 02:31, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

: We haven't confirmed it was actually Chris yet--I'm personally at 60-40 Chris, the writing style seems off(the Random Capitalization is unusual) but his posting pattern makes sense. Chris only seems to use Twitter when the CWCipedia has dicks on it and I doubt that he's checked recently.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 03:02, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:*The Twitter is his, he's written in the [[CWC Blog]] about it. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 02:51, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:** I don't see it on the CWCipedia updates.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 03:02, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:***It would explain his lack of presence for the last few days.
: Huh, I don't see that tweet on [http://twitter.com/CWCSonichu his Twitter account]. Did he delete it, or am I just missing it somehow? --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' [[Image:Madotsuki.png]] 04:55, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:* No, it's there. It starts with "Captain's Log Stardate March 1st"--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 05:13, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:** Oh, now I see it. Thanks! *[[slow-in-the-mind]]* --'''[[User:Lime|L]][[User_talk:Lime|i]][[Special:Contributions/Lime|m]][[nudes|e]]''' [[Image:Madotsuki.png]] 17:51, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
I don't want to live in a Cwcville without Bob. If he dies, I'll kill myself.
''

I'm going to kill myself if Bob Chandler dies
I'm going to kill myself if he makes me cry
I'll slit my wrists or I'll cut my throat
but I'll kill myself, I'll kill myself, by bleeding on his doorstep.''

[[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 05:50, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

:My grandma died due to congestive heart failure. It isn't a pretty sight. -PeaceCeapPea

:I just heard the news. Dammit, Bob is awesome, I'm praying he doesn't kick it! PLEASE DON'T DIE, BOB! :'( [[User:ToyoWolf|Kimo]] 06:57, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

Just to be clear, CHF doesn't necessarily mean heart attack/failure/imminent death. What it means is that the heart is weakened and is having trouble pumping enough blood to the rest of the body. A lot of overweight and older people develop CHF and don't kick off immediately because of it, and it is treatable. So Bob may live to chop down more internets yet. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 07:20, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

He spent 2 tweets discussing how his dad has a serious health issue, then six talking about himself and Sonichu. -- [[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 07:46, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:*I know, right? What the fuck? That's pretty low. I know Chris has [[Mumble 1|implied]] that he doesn't love Bob, but I'd expect more than that. People always joke about Bob dying, but I wouldn't like that at all. He is the only sliver of awesome left in Chris's life. - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 11:20, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
::*The thing is, people think that without Bob, we'd get more interesting results from Chris. Bob kept Chris from going to Redmond. Bob is more or less the reason why Chris won't travel anywhere for a troll. Anyways, I think the concern is that Bob has a long history of heart problems already and given his age, he's taken quite a beating and it wouldn't be unreasonable to suspect that this might do him in. Not that I pray for the death of Bob, mind you, only that this is the rationale of people focusing on Bob's death and why people aren't exactly optimistic. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 17:27, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:*I wouldn't expected anything else from him. What about "I am putting ''Sonichu'' on hold because my father is at the hospital"? That wouldn't have been a novelty. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 14:08, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

I think we should all do something nice for Lumberjack. Make his life a little easier. We should call in and wish him good health. How much better will he feel knowing that he is more loved than his internet famous son? He'd perk up right away. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 16:18, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:* He appreciated [[4 September 2009|Vivian's card]], that's probably a good idea. A picnic hamper perhaps? Some kind of gift package with food and/or nice shit. Chris won't go to that trouble; someone should.- [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 16:33, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
::*If someone sets up a paypal, I'd chip in 10 bucks. He's the internet lumberjack, after all.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 17:34, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
:::*I agree, that would be cool. [[User:Lynxr|–Ich bin schwul, '''Lynxr'''. Ich bin schwul.–]] 19:03, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
::*I plan on sending flowers by myself in the next few days. Some kind of "Get Well" bouquet. The man deserves it. He went through a lot and, even if he could had done better with Chris, he deserves a break. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 21:19, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
*I've started a /cwc/ thread on this here: http://legi0n.789chan.org/cwc/res/24043.html - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 18:54, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

I really hope Bob pulls through for Chris's sake. I really hate Chris but I know what it's like to lose one's father, and that's not something I'd wish upon anybody else. --[[User:Dann Woolf|Dann Woolf]] 16:44, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
*Yeah, seriously. I hope Bob gets well soon.--[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 19:17, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
** Same here. Out of the Chandlers, Bob is easily the most likeable.....which isn't exactly that difficult seeing the rest of the Chandlers, but still.. --[[User:Torvalr|Torvalr]] 19:31, 2 March 2010 (UTC)

Hey, all the colossal dicks are gone from the Cwcipedia. A mark of respect? --[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 21:08, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
*Sadly, it looks like it. Chris do not deserve any respect. CWCipedia should be a ground for Cock-Parades 24/7/365 [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 21:19, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
**Dude, his dad could be fucking ''dying''. I think it's a nice gesture - that's why I mentioned it.--[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 22:31, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
***I never saw Chris acting with compassion towards someone before, I don't see why we should indulge in Moral-Faggotery because of Bob's issues. As much as I respect the Old Man, He's not the jerk we all love to hate. This is why I strongly believe that the ads must be put back in place. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 23:25, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
::*Chris's 'stress' probably gets passed onto Bob. When Bob is in stable condition, there's no way Chris will be able to put his needs ahead of his own. He'll be getting all cunty about the trolling that he's receiving and not helping Bob's situaition at all. I say lay off and go with [[User:Edward|Edward's]] idea. Well wishes and get well soon ads for Bob. So what if Chris gets smug. Smug Chris is positive happy Chris, it's the closest he gets to that emotion. We can put up with that while his dad's in hospital, right? - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 00:27, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
**Seconded. /Scruffy --[[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 00:30, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
**Chris wouldn't give a fuck if his father died. He hates him. If he hasn't empaphized with anyone else, then why the father he hates so much? He'll fake sadness, pretend he cares, but he'll still consider fucking Patti the worst loss of his life. And going easy on Chris is no help for Bob, that just means that in possibly his last days with his father he'll be all smug about his victory over the gay ads. If anything they should put up a get well message for Bob using the adspace. I'm going to mention that to the Asperpedia crew next time i'm over there. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 22:42, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
***Agreed. Look at the Quote of the Now. He mentions that his dad is in the hospital and would be there for a few days, but he had a LOOOONG stressful day. He wants us to feel sorry for him for the day, not his dad. It would be the greatest wake up call when he does pass away.--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 23:23, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
****Chris being selfish? that's old news. If bob dies, it's ovbiously he would become chris's new excuse " i can't do << insert anything>> because my dad died" for a while, he'll forget about him and continue to be the jerk we know. Id bob dies he will be free from the torments of chris, bob has been trough too many shit thanks to Chris, bob deserves to finally rest in peace. [[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 23:46, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
*****Actually, what would happen if Bob died? Presumably the family, not just Bob are living off his pension and social security. Even if they own the house completely, however much Barbra is bringing in plus $450 from Chris' board may not be enough to pay all their costs (bills, food, etc). --[[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 00:15, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
****** I wouldn't doubt that the accumulative total of both Chris' and Bab's welfare would be enough to sustain them- provided Chris stopped buying junk he never uses and stops eating at McDonald's. But it seems to me from the Twitter alone that Chris doesn't consider this emergency to be significant- it's like he skimmed across the issue as a lead-up to his retarded comic's scheduling, which in turn lead into "Rule 18" (which I can only assume is Chris' mistaken discovery of Rule 34). If he took the situation seriously at all, he'd either be pouring more emotion into it, or be absent altogether. --[[User:Spoonman|Spoonman]] 00:44, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
******* Well Chris claims to have gotten his pack rat nature from his parents. So there's the possibility that if Bob goes, they'll spend themselves into nothing. --[[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 01:05, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
-
• One thought- has anyone contacted [[Cole]] yet? I'm in Australia or I would myself. I know Chris doesn't gave a flying fuck and [[Snorlax]] almost certainly doesn't either. He should know I think. --Ronichu
* I think most of the family probably know by now (I would hope so anyway) but Cole has said in the past that he would celebrate when Bob "finally drops". Unless Cole is willing to make peace I say let him stay in the dark on this one, or leave it to the Chandlers to tell him. This is all too soon, I'm not ready for Bob to die yet... I just hope he dies comfortable, not at home and not surrounded by his family. [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 01:40, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
**Yeah, when bob dies, i hope he doesn't has to see his failure son's face. [[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 02:52, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
**Agreed on letting the Chandlers tell Cole, if for no other reason than he might not believe some random troll from the Internet. --[[User:Kettle5000|Kettle5000]] 21:05, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

Okay, I really need to ask this- where was it picked up that Bob had a 10% chance of survival? If it was in the linked article, I didn't see it.--[[User:Spoonman|Spoonman]] 09:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
*I am asking myself the same question; where this came from? [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 11:09, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
** It doesn't, I think the person who wrote that must have seen the bit which says that it has an annual mortality rate of 10% and misunderstood it. He statistically has a 90% chance of surviving another year (provided he is suffering from the normal progressive form of the disease). I've changed the article to reflect this. [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 11:29, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:::Alright, awesome- I was just beginning to think if that had been true, then half my extended family is pretty damn lucky.--[[User:Spoonman|Spoonman]] 09:58, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

*If Bob does kick it (may he rest in peace if he does), what odds do you give on Chris going to a funny farm in the next 5 years? --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 19:00, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:*Unless if the state of Virginia got no cheaper option. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 19:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

I try to send flowers to Bob but the FTD website ask for a phone number. Anyone got a clue what Chris's phone is? [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 19:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

He tells us himself in the opening few seconds of [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2vGKa-k2Us this video]. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:14, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
*How about <s>Chris' credit card number</s> the hospital we should send them to? --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 19:17, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
*Chris's credit card number is 2984 8579 9562 3765. That number is fake by the way in case anyone missed the joke. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 19:24, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:*thanks for the info. I forgot about this video. I rand FTD with a nice card and a Pink Lily Bouquet. Bob will receive them tomorrow.[[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 20:03, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
***Assuming Snorlax doesn't eat them first. --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 20:08, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:*Do we know that Bob will get them? Knowing Chris, he'll assume that they are for him and make a youtube video thanking his secret admirer for sending him flowers. I hope that you made sure to put down in bold capitals that its for Bob, and even then its only a slim chance that he'll consider the idea that they're not for him. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 20:14, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
::*But pink is such a faggy color. --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 20:53, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:::*There's a possibility that Chris will hijack the bouquet but let's see it that way; it's bloody pink if he does, we got material to doubt his straightness. Not only Bob's name is on the delivery slip but I also send a "Get Well" card mentioning him, the package couldn't be mistaken. FTD will deliver tomorrow. Let's see what it will bring us. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 21:19, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
:::*I sent Bob a bouquet as well. In all honesty, I enjoyed hearing about his experiences and feel bad that he's stuck with a horrible wife and son. The all the man wants is a chance to discuss the world and listen to his records. At the very least, he deserves to know that there are people that like him out there. --[[User:Benjamin|Benjamin]] 22:35, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
::::*What color? --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 00:41, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
:::::*Multi-colored. It's [http://www.teleflora.com/mixed-flowers/bouquet/make-a-wish-167864p.asp?s=t&promotioncode=Shed10&srccode=SH_FR&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=TFWEB164 this one.] [[User:Benjamin|Benjamin]] 01:00, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
:::*If Chris suffered heart failure, I wouldn't send flowers. --[[User:Munch Banchibokkusu|Munch]] 04:29, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

*I kinda want Bob to die (Don't look at me like i am a monster) because I want the vicarious thrill of watching 14 Branchland Court implode without his common sense. --[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 20:44, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
** Me too. He's pretty much the only person who ever tried to stop a Sweetheart opperation--he could have stopped Julie if Max hadn't been a good liar. Nothing will set the Snorlax off unless you try to lure Chris somewhere, and even then I remind you that we still got him to defy her and go to Ohio. Her general logic for any scenario seems to be "If Chris actually gets a girl, I'll believe it when I see her, otherwise it's his own damn fault for being stupid". This is Chris's logic, minus the part after the comma. Oh, and no Bob means less money, and what's going to make you think Chris starts stealing his tugboat payment from her?--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 22:00, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
*** If you kinda want Bob to die to make trolling Chris easier you're kinda a far more worthless human being than Chris is. [[User:Kazmeyer|Kazmeyer]] 23:41, 3 March 2010 (UTC)
**** I'll justify myself, then. I will be sad to see Bob die, and I will be happy to see what happens when he's gone.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 00:12, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
***Like I said, I'm no monster, I just wanna see Chris fall apart without Bob's guidance. --[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 00:29, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
**** If Chris has no-one to defend him or motivate him, it won't be a challenge to troll him anymore. I like Bob, and if I get to his age I intend to spend all day everyday swingin' with the music. [[User:Baxter|Baxter]] 02:30, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
**** Well, since Barb is too weighed down by her own rolls to do anything, if Bob dies, there will be shit hitting fans in Chris' home real soon, and I don't mean cat shit.. Either way it's going to be funny considering Chris' warped view on death. --[[User:CrookedSmirk|CrookedSmirk]]
**** She's not that fat, not yet anyway.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 05:48, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

I know everyone has realized this by now, but I don't think Chris understands the severity of it all. On his Twitter, it says that Bob came down with a ''case'' of congestive heart failure. The way he's talking about it, it seems that Chris thinks that this is something Bob can overcome like a sick bug or something. That also explains the lack of concern in his two videos - he actually thinks Bob's gonna be alright in a few days, as if some R&R would do good! He doesn't realize that this may very well be the beginning of the end!--[[User:Blazer|Blazer]] 05:20, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
:*This is why I pity Bob Chandler right now. He's a man with decades of fair work, a patent on his name and the opportunity to be called the veteran of the most intense war the world never saw. Only for this, he will be a better man than myself. Here's the sad part. On the Internets, he will be remembered as the "Joseph" of the "Fail Messiah". The very fact that Chris ignore him in what we might call his last hours on Earth is shocking to me. He really don't deserve this. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 05:43, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
:*Point. Bob's death may come as a total and complete surprise to Chris.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 05:48, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
:*How do we even know Barb would let him know all the details? Wouldn't she consider keeping Chris ignorant to be a small mercy? --[[User:LeninandMcCarthy|LeninandMcCarthy]] 05:56, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
:**Small mercy? From everything I've heard of her, if she kept the details from Chris it would be because it's easier on her to just not tell him. In all honesty if anything's going to happen with this, it should be trying to get Chris to actually spend time with his father. Remember, the closest he's had to a constant in his life dying is his dog, and Optimus Prime, and in Chris' mind both of those came back. -- [[User:Borednewb|Borednewb]] 06:59, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

:I still think we should do something nice for Bob while he's sick. Unlike Chris, Bob is definitely someone I see as with positive qualities along with the negative (which he has plenty of, but don't we all). In light of this, I wanted to have a small hatched engraved with a message "For 'The Internet Lumberjack'. Get well soon! - The Trolls" on the front face and "Keep on swinging!" on the back. I found a place that does engraving along with a hatchet that would be suitable ($100 or so cost all up, probably about the same for postage, not a problem for me since I work), unfortunately I called Australia Post and they said that there were import restrictions on edged weapons into the United States for some reason. Is there anywhere in the US where one could order something similar to the above created and delivered? --[[User:Ronichu|Ronichu]] 05:28, 4th of March 2010 (Australian Central Standard Time).
:*Does Bob even know that he's the Internet Lumberjack? The joke might be totally lost on him. - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 10:43, 4 March 2010 (UTC)
*The cause was an internet fell on him. --[[User:Robotnik|Robotnik]] 08:14, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

*If bob dies, do you think chris will put him in his comic, just like patty?[[User:Basgon|Basgon]] 18:54, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

* Probably, but he'll be a [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kim_Il_Sung Kim Il-Sung] type character, The dead but eternal leader of CWCville. --[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 20:37, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

*For those who don't know, [http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/dailyprogress/ Charlottesville obituaries are here]. I'm not sure if this has been posted yet; correct me if it has. So far Bob has not shown up. --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 21:17, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

*If he dies, I hope the funeral isn't private, because I plan on burying my axe and a broken internet modem with him.
--[[User:Dan Dash|Dan Dash]] 23:02, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

==Bob's past heart attacks==

If you check out the transcript for the [[Emily Date Conversation Transcript|Emily Date]], you'll see several gaps, one of which is very large. I just reached the point in the audio where the first gap occurs, and it's ''right there'' that Bob starts talking about his history of health problems, most notable of which are his past heart attacks. We seem to have a surplus of Bob fans, so would one (or more) of you like to start filling in that gap (and/or the others)? I'm willing to do it myself, but I'm not the world's fastest typist, and - all kidding aside - I'd like to have all of this information about Bob made available before the man dies. [[User:Llort|Llort]] 03:57, 5 March 2010 (UTC)

Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2010-03-05T02:26:06Z

Llort: /* Transcript */ full copy edit of "Babblin' Bob"

In [[March 2009]], [[Chris]] went on his first, and only date ever with a [[troll]] called [[Emily]]. For posterity's sake, the event was recorded, and is now presented in text format for your enjoyment, here.

The voices heard in the recording are that of an elite crack team of courageous trolls and trollettes.

==Cast==

'''Frosty:''' A whiz kid, his high-tech know-how keeps the group online.

'''Camwhore:''' "Emily's friend", her mission is to capture video of the event.

'''Emily:''' Queen of trolls, she risks both life and limb on a plunge into the heart of darkness.

'''Pickle Man:''' Brave and daring hero, he protects Emily from certain peril.

'''Chris:''' Misshapen manchild, his disgusting nature seeps into the very recording of his voice.

'''Bob:''' [[Bob|Robert Chandler]], the proud Internet lumberjack, yet also slave to the manchild.

==Transcript==

Throughout the recording, a mall full of shoppers produces a background din.

===Prelude (00:00 - 03:12)===

'''Frosty:''' Okay… lock it? 
'''Frosty:''' Okay-- 
'''Camwhore:''' Are you wearing a thong? With a-- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' That better be fuckin' ''tight''. 
'''Emily:''' It's tight. 
'''Camwhore:''' That may pop out while you're walking around, while you're like-- 
'''Emily:''' I should be like-- 
'''Camwhore:''' Or a robotic vagina. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' Say "It's my vibrator." 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' It's one of those things that you see taped to those-- those hentai-- 
'''Frosty:''' Well, the thing is, Chris-- he [unintelligible (but clearly imitating Chris's voice)] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Ungh, ungh, ungh, ungh! 
'''Emily:''' Okay, if he get's, like, ''way'' too close to me, I'm just gonna be like-- get my chair farther away. 
'''Camwhore:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' I really like your [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughs''] Maybe Barb-- Barbara can come. 
'''Emily:''' Apparently, she doesn't leave the house anymore. 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I'm just [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Frosty:''' There-- there are Barb candidates ''everywhere''. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' No, no, no, no, no, no. But-- but in all actuality, there should be no Barb; if there ''is'' Barb, I will shit myself. 
'''Emily:''' If there is Barb, we're-- we're done. 
'''Camwhore:''' We're not showing up. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' "You brought your mommy?" 
'''Emily:''' I should be like, "No – just put that shit in the bag, and we're not doing anything today." 
'''Camwhore:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' That's it. 
'''Camwhore:''' And you can call him and be like "You owe me a ''dire'' apology, and you're the… jack-off--" 
'''Emily:''' No – I'm sure I'm gonna yell at him, and make him ''cry''. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' And I'm gonna be like "Oh – I live in Clyde's playboy mansion now." [''laughs''] 
'''Frosty:''' No – even better! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [aside] I'm waiting. 
'''Camwhore:''' I'm ''part'' of Clyde's playboy mansion. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' I'm the janitor. 
[''all laugh loudly''] 
'''Emily:''' Okay – let's go see if he's there. 
'''Camwhore:''' ''You'' go see if he's there. 
'''Emily:''' ''No!'' 'Cause-- 'cause it's-- 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible (but about "a girl")] 
'''Emily:''' 'Cause I'm gonna make it like an entrance, like… ''"Hiii!"'' 
'''Pickle Man:''' Did he say where [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' No. Like, he wants to be-- he wants to meet in front of Chick-Fil-A, so… 
'''Camwhore:''' Figures! But the ''general'' idea would be you park near where you wanna… go. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' What if that [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [aside] [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' Do you see those pile of balloons right there? Swear to God: it looks like a penis. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' The balloons. Right here. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' It's a fuckin' penis. 
[pause] 
'''Camwhore:''' Nope. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' [''sighs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [''sighs''] 
[pause] 
'''Camwhore:''' There's that ugly bitch that looks like Hamster Girl… at Starbucks. 
'''Emily:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Camwhore:''' She ''looks'' like Hamster Girl. 
'''Pickle Man:''' ''Which'' one looks like Hamster Girl? 
'''Camwhore:''' Right there. The only one that you can see working? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Oh – over at Starbucks? You should see her with that hair off. 
'''Camwhore:''' No, no, no. She looks like Hamster Girl. [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm telling you: you should see her with that hair off! 
'''Camwhore:''' Oh – she don't have no hair? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Um… 
'''Camwhore:''' Oh – she has a fake-- 
'''Pickle Man:''' She has fake hair, or… she has no hair… or the hair back like this. 
'''Camwhore:''' Well, yeah – I knew that. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' I was gonna say: I don't-- I guess she dyed her hair blond. 'Cause I remember seeing her with some ugly, strange-colored hair.

===Target Acquired (03:13 - 04:43)===

'''Frosty:''' There he is! 
'''Emily:''' [startled] What? 
'''Frosty:''' [unintelligible (but about "a jacket")] 
'''Emily:''' Oh my God! 
'''Emily:''' [jokingly] Eject! Oh my God! 
'''Frosty:''' Is your [inaudible] on? [unintelligible (but clearly about "a jacket" again)] Are you ready? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I'm ready. [''laughs nervously''] This is gonna be my best acting moment ever. 
'''Pickle Man:''' He can't see my face before I suit up. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – go, like, look, 'cause he has to get down first. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Frosty:''' He'll realize later: that's what it was. 
'''Camwhore:''' I don't feel bad. 
'''Emily:''' Okay. 
'''Emily:''' Hopefully, he, like, won't come, like, around and-- [inaudibly interrupted] Huh? I don't have my phone. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' Oh my God… 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' If this goes all smoothly, I should get, like… 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] Where do I sit… to, like, watch [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Um, there's some ''benches'', like… by the tables. [abruptly] Oh! Oh! Oh, no. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Okay – there's some benches, like, ''nearby''… 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? 
'''Emily:''' Um, just sit and watch him [unintelligible] you need to go change or whatever. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. Well, I-- I started the-- I [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. I'll [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''exhales loudly''] Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Or just, like… kinda walk around and see if you can… see us.

===The Green Mile (04:44 - 05:19)===

Nothing but Emily's footfalls can be heard as she marches off to meet the manchild.

===Meet the Parent (05:20 - 07:17)===

'''Emily:''' ''Hi!'' 
'''Chris:''' Hello! Emily? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! I'm Emily. So nice to meet you! 
'''Chris:''' Hi, Emily. This is my father, Robert. 
'''Bob:''' Hello. 
'''Emily:''' Hello. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' I've started shopping a little bit. 
'''Chris:''' That's alright. 
'''Bob:''' You're from West Virgina? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… I used to live here for a while, but then, I-- 
'''Chris:''' [abruptly] Hey! 
'''Emily:''' But then, I moved to-- 
'''Chris:''' Cute hat! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – I thought you might like it. 
'''Chris:''' [''laughs contentedly''] 
'''Bob:''' You go to school over there? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – University of West Virginia. My friend, uh, wanted to go to school there, and she's my best friend, so I have to… go with her everywhere! [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Bob:''' That sounds like the best way to do things! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Hey, Emily – you mind, uh, a photo of you and me together? 
'''Emily:''' Sure! 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' What are you taking? 
'''Emily:''' I'm doing journalism. 
'''Bob:''' What? 
'''Emily:''' ''Journalism.'' 
'''Bob:''' Journalism? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Ah! You wanna be a writer! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! [''giggles''] I did a lot-- 
'''Bob:''' He has a… [[Cole Smithey|''half-brother'']] who's-- who lives in New York City… and, uh, does ''freelance'' writing and show reviews and things… for newspapers and magazines. 
'''Emily:''' Is it-- does he love it? 
'''Bob:''' I ''guess''. 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles again''] 
'''Bob:''' I haven't talked to him in years… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I can't this dang camera to work! 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – that's-- I worked at, uh-- I'm an engineer… and engineers never learn how to spell. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' I think very logically, but I-- 
'''Chris:''' Shoot! I got bad batteries in the camera. 
'''Emily:''' [disappointed] Oh… 
'''Bob:''' If I would-- if I would ''write'' anything, half the words would be phonetically rather than the way we're… ''supposed'' to do. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Bob:''' I got along fine… writing stuff… on my ''word'' processor… when I had a ''spell'' checker. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Without that, I'm [unintelligible (but clearly self-deprecating)] [''laughs heartily''] 
'''Emily:''' Did you like doing engineering? 
'''Bob:''' Well… I-- I had a real ''u-''nique situation… 
[pause]

===Babblin' Bob (07:18 - 16:58)===

'''Bob:''' Look, uh… I'm-- I'm really old. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Okay – to start with: I'm 81. And, uh, I came along ''before'' transistors. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Not-- not [unintelligible] stuff we have now, but even before ''transistors''… when we had vacuum tubes. 
'''Bob:''' I, uh… got drafted after World War II. That's how old. But, uh… then, they put me in the Signal Corps, and they knew things I didn't know. They taught me how to install valve systems and switchboards and telephone [unintelligible]. So, I found out: yeah – I'm pretty good at that. So, when I got out – 'course that was in 1947 – I found out-- now, I know that we had a deflation on our hands; I didn't know it then. 
'''Bob:''' You couldn't get a job, so, I thought "Well, I got the G.I. Bill. I'll go to school." 
'''Emily:''' Yeah – now, it's really hard to become an engineer. 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – now, ya-- I, uh-- 
'''Bob:''' I went to… a state [unintelligible] college to start with, 'cause I had the philosophy that if I went to a big school I'd be just… swallowed up. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, I went to a small school and took Pre-Engineering for two years, and that was the best thing ''I'' ever did, 'cause I wound up, uh-- well, I got-- I got through my two years of Pre-Engineering in small classes. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And also, I loved music, and I was in the band and everything. And I got in the symphony orchestra… and learned a lot about music while I was up there. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I went to Auburn, and then [unintelligible] swallowed up! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Then, at that time, Auburn-- which now has what: 30,000 students, or something? Auburn had about 5,000 students. 
'''Bob:''' I got my Engineering degree. And then, when I got out, I said "Well, I'll, uh… I can do anything with relays and telephones and valve systems, and [inaudible]. I'm gonna work for Western Electric." 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' That seems logical, right? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' [suddenly offended somehow] Hey! 
'''Bob:''' Because they make, uh-- 
'''Chris:''' You-- no – you listen to my father… because he's somethin'! Because I get some of my intelligence from ''him''. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Especially my ''technological'' intelligence. 
'''Bob:''' But anyway, I, uh-- I went to work for them for 40 years, and, uh… at that point in time… 
'''Bob:''' Uh, this is even ''before'' the Atlas missile… the ICBM. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs nervously''] 
'''Bob:''' ''Before'' the Korean War… and, uh-- but, I-- I found out they were building ''radar'' systems. Well, that was fine, but also, they had lots of government money, so they wanted some automatic test equipment. At that time, ''nothing'' was automatic. They ''had'' none! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, that's what ''I'' went and built. [unintelligible] what I learned in the army, right? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, I started working with the first automatic test equipment that we ever made. And then, GE heard about it… and they came down to [unintelligible] in North Carolina. 
'''Bob:''' And-- so, GE came down; they offered me a job… up in upstate New York. Cold country in Utica. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Bob:''' And then, uh… I went down to build some automatic test equipment for the ICBM [unintelligible] Intercontinental Ballistic Missile. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Nobody knows how, 'cause we haven't done it before. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' We'd done some of this automatic test equipment down here. "Why don't you come up there?" "Well, okay!" 
'''Bob:''' So, I went up there for three years and helped develop the, uh, automatic…equipment… for testing the missiles, and… all the guidance systems, and things… in the [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' But-- but I got-- I was a soldier, true and tried, 'cause I was born in Texas and raised in Alabama. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I was in North Carolina first. And then, I hit upstate New York, and I froze to death. [''chuckles''] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Yeah, that must be really different! [''laughs again''] 
'''Bob:''' Well, after three years, I said "I'm going back to somethin' [unintelligible]" Well, GE-- I didn't know it then, but I had a real, natural ''draw''… to the mountains. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And I knew about Roanoke, since I'd been in, uh, [unintelligible] So, I wanted to come back to Roanoke, and GE had plants there. 
'''Bob:''' And… they were there developing-- specializing in industrial automation. Except they didn't done any ''automation'' yet. They were just industrial-controlled. 
'''Bob:''' So, I finagled a transfer back to Roanoke, and… I got there just at the time when they were startin'… to make… any kind of automation controls for engines. 
'''Bob:''' So, I got into what they call "a new business area". And I got to do ''all'' the great things. All my-- I-- I really had it right. I was in the right places at the right time. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Because I am very ''logically-''inclined. 
'''Emily:''' That doesn't really happen nowadays, with the economy… 
'''Bob:''' Yeah – and I-- I'm a logician. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Oddly enough, I never learned how a transistor even works… on records. But I ''use'' 'em all the time. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I use 'em. I'm retired now, a long time. But… when I started out with this group, and the first thing we got into was trying to automate a steel mill… for rolling [unintelligible] steel for your cars. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Well, we did that. And then, I got into… how to roll papers so you could get Kleenex. 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] 
'''Chris:''' And, of course, y'know, he's the guy that designed the controls for all the plastic water machines, so without him at this time, you couldn't have the plastic for your glasses. 
'''Bob:''' And-- and then-- then, I got into-- I was in the new business area [unintelligible] we could do the first one… and then, somebody else would take over and do the others. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And-- and then, I got into managing a paper mill. But then, I got into the… industry of-- of, uh, like [unintelligible] warehousing, automatic transition, like BART: Bay Area Rapid Transit. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Automatic railroads and all that kind of stuff. Automated a bunch of that. Then, I got into automating a bunch of mine [unintelligible] around the world. 
'''Emily:''' You've been through a lot! 
'''Bob:''' And then, I went to automating tanker ships, so you could run 'em from the bridge and have nobody downstairs. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Just someone else involved-- 
'''Chris:''' Want some water? 
'''Emily:''' No, thank you. 
'''Bob:''' And, uh… then, uh-- then, um, I got into… I developed [unintelligible] I found out that there was very few people like me in the world that had this natural… inclination… for logic. 
'''Bob:''' Anyway, like the ands, and ors, and the what-ifs, and the what-if-nots. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I developed a system… called a [inaudible] that stands [unintelligible]. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' Hardware-oriented Y2K pile of junk! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Similar fortune… was in… ''hardware''. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' Hey, everybody – I got [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you. 
'''Bob:''' What this enables-- 
'''Chris:''' [unintelligible (but clearly addressing Emily)] 
'''Emily:''' [''giggles''] Thank you. 
'''Bob:''' What this enables everybody to do-- and me, too, but I was lazy… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Was to write down on-- on paper – and design on paper from the start – a sequence of parallel lines. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And up to that point, nobody had a way of writin' it down on paper. 
'''Emily:''' [''half-stifles a genuine laugh''] 
'''Bob:''' And they ''still'' don't, really! [unintelligible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' But that [unintelligible] to mind, horse and buggy. 
'''Bob:''' Elevator-type system that's over a 5,000 ft hole! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Then, I got into, uh, designing… ''scooter'' machines, which fused all the plastic around wires, and things like that… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Scooters. And then, I got into… die-cast machines… and the machines automating ''them''. They make things like carburetors, and cans, and whatever. 
'''Bob:''' And then, I got into ''plastics''… and even the ''plastics'' were [unintelligible] automating their machines. In the process, I ended up with about… ''two'' patents [unintelligible] in ''my'' name that ''they'' own. And all this… dumb stuff. And I saw the first 2-liter Coke bottle… 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' Come off the line in New England. 
'''Bob:''' [unintelligible] on it, and all these [unintelligible] ''doors'', and-- and, um… ''shutters'', and stuff like that made out of plastic. All this stuff we got plastic. 
'''Chris:''' [unintelligible] in your frames! 
'''Emily:''' Yep! [''giggles''] 
'''Bob:''' Including, uh, Tupperware. 
'''Emily:''' Can't… go without Tupperware… 
'''Bob:''' So, then [unintelligible] ''finalized'' and-- and perfected, basically, this [unintelligible] process… 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Of design and documentation. [unintelligible] It came time for me to retire. And so, I did! [''chuckles''] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' So, now, I'm ''un-''indated with all this stuff I did, and I don't know whether I did the world a good thing or not. 
'''Emily:''' I think you did! 
'''Bob:''' But I can't-- 
'''Emily:''' You did a lot of things. 
'''Bob:''' I can't spell the word "cat" without a K in it. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Chris:''' Uh, yeah, well, y'know, [[Chris and his ego|I'm proud of him anyway]], for his [[fail|accompliment]]-- accom-''plish-''ments. 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
[pause] 
'''Bob:''' He's got a ''half-''brother who [unintelligible] 
'''Chris:''' ''His'' son. 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh…'' okay. 
'''Bob:''' And he's got a-- and I have a daughter, who is his-- his half-sister… that's a… Phi Beta Kappa outta UVA Atlantic. 
'''Emily:''' ''Oh…'' [''laughs politely''] 
'''Bob:''' She's workin' for the federal government, and she's got a PHD now. She's working somewhere for the federal government. All these math people… I dunno.

===Raising Chris-Chan (16:59 - 24:19)===

'''Emily:''' I'm not very good at math. (Girlishly Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' I'm not that-I'm good at logic, but not at math. 
'''Chris:''' I'm good at math! 
'''Bob:''' He's not good at math, when it comes to managing money. 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' Hey, look it! I have YOUR plastic lid on it! 
Chris and Emily share a giggle over the humor of this statement. 
'''Bob:''' We've been working with him, now, for twenty seven years. (It was a job/challenge?) Most of the time, I've been retired, so I could (coach him?). 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, usually if you're not very good at math, you're really good at writing, which is why I'm going for journalism. 
'''Bob:''' Well, uh, I uh do alright with writing as long as I got spell check. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' I just, uh, I enjoyed my life it, uh I-I had things, I had opportunities most people don’t get. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I’ve got to see all the stuff [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' That’s gooood, I hope that I can travel all around the world and you know, write in journalism..like overseas. 
'''Bob:''' I’ve been to Australia, I’ve been to Korea, I've been to England, most people that I know have never been to [inaudible] so they write(?) for a living 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' [inaudible] I wish I could get find out what good he can do though he’s pretty good in drawing 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' -and writing 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, she-she-she you-you should know, you’ve seen a bunch ah my artwork. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah it’s really good! All-all my friends like it as well. 
'''Bob:''' He’s creative, but he’s uh , I-I guess you know he’s high functioning autistic and, uh- 
'''Chris''' and 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' At six he couldn’t even talk but he was programming(?) (indistinct, possibly AMIGA?) computers and Commodore computers. 
'''Chris:''' Commodore 64. 
'''Bob:''' (Laughs) which was his first little-- 
'''Emily:''' Oh! I don’t know that much about computers (Giggle) Sorry! (Giggle) 
'''Bob:''' You’ve probably got a laptop, with a word processor. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah-yeah, but you- 
'''Bob:''' We’ve brought him a long way. It’s been interesting. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, that’s a little piece of history you can write about, if you want to. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, that would be interesting. 
Chris takes over for half a second. 
'''Chris:''' Anyways, you came all the way here from VCU? Or, did you make a few stops along the way? 
'''Emily:''' No, I came all the way from VCU, um, like a lot of my friends over at VCU know about the whole Sonichu thing, but there’s a lot more. Like, uh, I guess Sonichu girls? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Emily:''' --up in University of West Virginia and we kinda do a newsletter type thing every week 
'''Chris:''' Wow… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' This is one of my favorite spots in the country. 
'''Chris:''' I commend you for that. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' --little trees on west avenue. 
'''Emily:''' uh-huh 
'''Bob:''' Have you heard about West Avenue? 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' You know where West Avenue is? 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' You know where west avenue is? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, a little bit, but I don’t go in that area. 
'''Bob:''' Then are you from VCU then? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, (laughing this off) I don’t know that area very well. 
'''Bob:''' It’s a little town(house?)…only three blocks long and it’s got a second name, called: “Fork Avenue.” 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' Every spring they have a Fork Avenue (rally?) 
'''Emily:''' Uh-oh 
'''Bob:''' at the same time they have the easter parade over on Monument Avenue. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, I’ve never seen it before, but my friends have told me about it, but I’m usually stuck in you know… college. 
'''Bob:''' --in Richmond uh 1975 thru 1980 and then I got married to his mother and, um, he was born. Then we got transferred over here and we moved to Chesterfield county …but I love West Avenue that’s my favorite spot. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' I call it Sesame Street. 
'''Emily:''' Oh that’s--(giggles) 
'''Bob:''' They call itself now cause there’s too many kids. 
'''Emily:''' Oh yeah…? 
'''Bob:''' I-I love Virginia. His mother was raised, oh you wouldn’t believe it, raised in [inaudible] and was the one who decided to move 
'''Emily:''' uh-huh 
'''Bob:''' right there on and uh can’t remember the name of that school the one that goes [inaudible] on [inaudible] street. 
'''Emily:''' I don’t really know the streets. 
'''Bob:''' well there’s a street (on a?) Burger King right down the street from there is where uh his mother lived for twenty years and raised her first son and he’s got a lot of ties to the family too, he just doesn’t like me. 
'''Emily:''' Ohh, you guys have a big family? 
'''Bob:''' Well, uh, we’ve got my son and my daughter; my son’s in Richmond and my daughter’s in Washington. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' And then you’ve got her son, who lives in New York, and then there’s the three of us. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, sure is a big family. 
'''Bob:''' We’ve really got two separate families. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, but it’s not as big as the Brady BunCH! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah.(Giggle) no… 
'''Bob:''' We-we-we enjoy it and I grow flowers. I don’t have to worry about making a living anymore. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Social Security, GE pension and GE is good and sound, so what’s it to me? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I grow [inaudible] of it. I’ve got my yard for [inaudible] And in the middle I’ve got a um about a 12 to 15 flat greenhouse. 
'''Emily:''' Oh? 
'''Bob:''' Inside the greenhouse it’s different. 
'''Emily:''' Mm-hmm. 
'''Bob:''' Inside the greenhouse, there’s plastic flowers. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, plastic flowers? 
'''Bob:''' --swaying and all my stereo stuff. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, but he’s got real flowers in his garden. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, oh okay. 
'''Bob:''' The day lillies are real in the garden inside [inaudible] it’s all flat. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, day lillies bloom about once a year du-duri-about once this summer. 
'''Bob:''' –summer. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
Bob continues to talk but Chris talks over him 22:33. 
'''Chris:''' And dey stay that way for about a month or so. It’s a beautiful garden 
'''Emily:''' I can imagine. 
'''Bob:''' I’ve got about fifteen thousand healthy-- 
'''Chris:''' (high pitched/dreamily/wistfully/CREEPILY) IMAGINE. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' I love all the music from Rick and Rick Van Swing. 
'''Chris:''' Raise me on music, he did! 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) 
'''Bob:''' --musical soundtracks 
'''Emily:''' Well, what’s your favorite artist? 
'''Chris:''' Uh, my favorite artist…well, he didn’t raise me on it, but you know my favorite singer is Britney Spears. 
'''Emily:''' Britney Spears? 
'''Bob:''' You’ve got all my [inaudible] back in the 30’s and 40’s and 20‘s.. 
'''Emily:''' And he’s into more modern pop music? 
'''Chris:''' Well, if I guess I had to pick a classic favorite it would have to be SATCHMO. 
'''Emily:''' SATCHMO? 
'''Chris:''' Louis Armstrong. 
'''Bob:''' [inaudible] you’ve got all these classics now- 
'''Chris:''' (23:19-interupts with an impersonation of Louis Armstrong) TEN FEET UP THE GRAND BU BUH BUH BEH 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' It was in the 40’s when it came out on the European market was lacking. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Back in the 40’s when it came out [inaudible] and now you’ve got to make good will and salvation army. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' YeeAAh 
'''Bob:''' THOUSANDS of them now. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' And inside, I found out inside the greenhouse going soon the (complete rules of society are turned around?) I found a great stereo system in the 1970’s and put it out there along with my swing. 
'''Emily:''' uh-huh 
'''Bob:''' You can turn the volume up, and it sounds like it’s the hall where they recorded it. I go out there and swing with the music. 
'''Emily:''' What? (Bob laughs) It must be really relaxing.

===(24:20 - 32:00)===

{{Transcription}}

===In which Chris impersonates Donald Duck (32:01 - 36:48)===

After more of Bob's life story, Chris orders Bob to retrieve food for them, and continues his conversation with Emily. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, I must say you look good. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you. 
'''Chris:''' You know, you’re the first female Sonichu fan that has actually come a long distance to see me. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, its not that far. I’m sure maybe some of the girls from VCU would come down sometime, like maybe during summer break. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, but I mean at least all the way from West Virginia, I mean that’s farther than VCU. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, (Laughs) we might take a road trip down here. 
'''Chris:''' (Speaking in a sing-song voice) Take a road trip, its a little road trip… 
'''Emily:''' (Confused laugh) 
(Here Chris graces Emily with his Donald Duck Impression, which is difficult to convey in writing) 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) Is that the one that scared that child? 
'''Chris:''' Er- 
'''Emily:''' At Wendy’s… 
'''Chris:''' Uh… 
'''Emily:''' I don’t know how that’s scary- 
'''Chris:''' (Talking over her) No, not really scary, you see he was tired… 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay so you- 
'''Chris:'''(Interrupting)Yeah. But it makes a lot of children smile, ‘cause they’re familiar with that classic Disney character. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Y-you don’t mind if I have my hand on your shoulder… 
'''Emily:''' Uh, not for too long… 
'''Chris:''' (Chuckles) 
'''Emily:''' Oookay, n-not for too long… 
'''Chris:''' Okay… heh, this is like, wow, I finally get, like, this beautiful girl in front of me. 
'''Emily:''' (Nervous laughter) Thank you. 
'''Chris:''' And she actually got to know me. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Just like you know, yeah. (Changing subject abruptly) So what’s the reason you need your glasses for? I’m nearsighted myself. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah I’m nearsighted as well. I don’t have very good eyes. 
'''Chris:''' Its like, you know, we’re close so we don’t need glasses to see each other, do we? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… no, its still blurry. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… How do you look without that hat? I mean I like to see the, uh 
'''Emily:''' I like this hat. My hair doesn’t look good today. 
'''Chris:''' Oh. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Your hair doesn’t look good… are you sure? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. I’m sure. (Giggles) 
'''Chris:''' How’s my hair look? 
'''Emily:''' It looks good! 
'''Chris:''' That’s good. [inaudible] sleeping against pillows and I took a shower before, before I went – crashing on the couch. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah but I put on some, buh, er, some Axe body spray before I left… do you like that smell? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, it depends on which one it is. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Which one is it? 
'''Chris:''' I believe its, uh, called 'Proximity.' 
'''Emily:''' Oh, I really like the new chocolate one 
'''Chris:''' Oh, the uh 'Dark Temptation.' 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' I was running low on that can anyway. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' Its like I, if I – If I – If I – (laughs, stutters indistinctly) – gotten more of that. 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' (sighs) But seriously though, you are cute. 
'''Emily:''' Ah, thank you. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I like the - I like this – I like the get-up you’re wearing. Its like you – like you came straight from, uh the PGSM… show. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah. (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' [inaudible]Like a live action Sailor Moon. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, I’ve seen some of the episodes for that. 
'''Chris:''' I’ve got the entire series saved to my Playstation 3, including the, uh, wedding episode. 
'''Emily:''' I don’t think I’ve seen that one. 
'''Chris:''' Its like, uh, a very special last episode. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' You actually get to see (Japanese name) and, uh, I forget his name but you know – 
'''Emily:''' Uh, (Japanese name)? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, (Japanese name), that’s it, you got it. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' You got it. 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' You got it. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, I used to be a really big fan of Sailor Moon, well, I still am, I’m just not as big of a fan as nowadays. 
'''Chris:''' did you see the entire anime series? 
'''Emily:''' Um, I haven’t seen the last season. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, Sailor Stars. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. ‘cause it didn’t come out in America, and they’re, like, afraid of the transsexuals. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah I know – I know that. But I have that on DVD, you know, with Japanese audio and English subtitles. 
'''Emily:''' How do you feel about that? Like, the transsexuals and the [inaudible]? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Um… 
'''Emily:''' Does it, like, make you uncomfortable, or, would you have minded if, like, it came out on TV Shows to, like, little kids? 
'''Chris:''' Uh… Yeah… I don’t have much of an opinion… (Laughs nervously) 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) Its kind of a sketchy subject there. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah its… its itchy. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
(Brief awkward pause, punctuated by Emily laughing) 
'''Chris:''' Yeah but you can sketch a lot in your, uh, journalism, don'tcha? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. Well, we don’t draw a lot, we just – we do like little outlines and then we start writing- 
'''Chris:''' (Interrupting) I mean you, I mean you sketch your letters. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' I bet you sketch your signature pretty. Don’t you? 
'''Emily:''' No, I thinks its, uh, its basically a bunch of scribbles. (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' Ah, a lot of people would say that about their signatures I’m sure. 
'''Emily:''' Well some people just like put an X for their signature and that’s it. 
'''Chris:''' Eh, but not you. You put… 
'''Emily:''' An ‘E’ and an ‘S’ basically. (Giggles) 
'''Chris:''' Uh, uh, an ‘S’?. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, Emily Schiflet(?) 
'''Chris:''' Oh, that’s your last name, Schiflet(?) 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, my middle name’s Julia. 
'''Chris:''' Joolia? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Emily Julia Schiflet. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. Flows nicely, doesn’t it? 
'''Chris:''' Its beautiful. 
'''Emily:''' Aw, thank you. 
'''Chris:''' Do you dot your ‘I’ in ‘Julia’ with a heart? 
'''Emily:''' No. (Giggles) 
Bob Returns. 
'''Chris:''' All right dad, I’ll let you, uh, divvy up the spaghetti onto my plate.

===(36:49 - 01:14:22)===

{{Transcription}}

===A Walk to Remember (01:14:23 - 01:21:43)===

Chris and Emily awkwardly leave Bob who continues to ramble as they clomp off through the mall. 
'''Bob:''' Take care. 
'''Chris:''' Alright come on, Emily, let's, let's walk… 
Bob babbles on about sending something. 
'''Emily:'''Okay… okay, you can show me around the mall… 
'''Chris:''' Okay! Here's our… heights… You… you come to just about my eyeline. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous tittering* 
They walk quietly for a moment as Chris mutters something quietly. 
'''Chris:''' *sigh* So where you li… where do you usually like to go shopping at when you're at a shopping center? 
'''Emily:''' *impatiently* Clothes stores. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, they have a number of clothing stores in, uh… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' … a J.C. Penney and a Sears, among other places that uh, more name brands… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah a lot of the stores here are, if you take a look, take a look at the prices and they're pretty expensive. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… Yeah… but, you know, they used to ha- they used to have a Kay-Bee Toys here and I- that's where I got my- turns out- my thousand dollar shopping spree I won around the… around the Adventures- the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog… 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Chris:''' That sweepstakes, you might remember I put something about that… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' … you might remember that, uh, news clip… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! I've seen it. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
Chris nervously takes a few steps. 
'''Chris:''' Wow… you're like… I'm sorry. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' I'm just fascinated like… you're just like… a character from PGSM or from- came all the way from Japan- just leapt out of my television! 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* No I'm definitely all American. 
'''Chris:''' You're all American. 
'''Emily:''' I'm all American. 
'''Chris:''' Okay- so it's just- it's just your eyes that are excepting. 
'''Emily:''' *shameless subject change* Yeah… so what's your favorite store here? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah it's- currently, since they took away the toy store- I think it's- I would say it's mostly Gamestop, but I also go to the bookstore or Sears, or even the Spencer's that's down on the other side of the mall. And they used to have an FYE here, which was a Suncoast before- before it- before they all merged and became an FYE, but then they closed that to make the next business here. 
'''Emily:''' What's down the other way… cause I've been… I came down this way, but I haven't been down that way. 
'''Chris:''' Okay, we'll go down that way! Alright. I hope- Hope you don't mind me sticking around your left side… 
'''Emily:''' *bravely* Okay, that's fine! 
'''Chris:''' I mean, I guess I should keep my hands to myself and behave, right? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, you should probably do that. 
'''Chris:''' I mean, I'm just trying to be friendly. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' But, you know, not- but you know- respectful- touch you gently on the shoulder or the back- 
'''Emily:''' *vomitously* Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I mean at least I'm not that guy from Inuyasha that… go- eh- go for the bum. 
'''Emily:''' *vomitously* Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Heh-heh, that's funny. Always get slapped in the face, he does. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I forget his name, I think it's Mamoru, or something like that 
'''Emily:''' Uh… . it's Miroku. 
'''Chris:''' *talking over her* Do you watch Inuyasha? Yeah, Miroku, that was it, you hi- you hit it on the head right there… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
Emily awkwardly walks several steps… 
'''Emily:''' *delaying* Is that the… food court there? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah that's basically the food court. 
'''Emily:''' OK… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah it use- it used to have McDonalds here- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' … soooo many years ago across from the Gamestop there, back then it was called Babbages… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' And then between them and Suncoast was FunCo Land and Software Etc. and they all merged into a Ga- they all merged into Gamestop 
'''Emily:''' Oh… never heard about that… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… I'm sh- I'm sh- I'm sure you must've at least noticed those game stores back in your youth- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… I play video games sometimes, but not very often… 
'''Salesman:''' HELLO WOULD YOU LIKE HARAAGARALABHGH 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no thank you! 
'''Chris:''' No thank you! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… right over- see- where that *unintelligble name of store*, that's where PacSun used to be, where Anna McLerran 
'''Emily:''' Oh yeah… I've… I've heard of her as well… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… 
'''Emily:''' Is she still around? 
'''Chris:''' No she, uh- moved to Utah. 
'''Emily:''' Utah… 
'''Chris:''' She's a Mormon. Found that out after I met her. But we cam- but we- but we could became good friends and I gave her, uh, you know, gave her a going away/birthday party before she left for Utah… 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh! 
'''Chris:''' For her 20th birthday… and actually her- actual- and actually her friends, uh, her friends and I got together and put together the party. *emphatically* I k- I bought the cake. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, that's nice of you… and… there was also Megan. Do you keep in contact with her? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah uh… no, not-no-n-n-not-been-touch with her for a long time. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' That's cause she moved to another state. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… did she move to Utah too? 
'''Chris:''' Uh, no, I don't think she moved to Utah, I don't even remember where she moved to. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' But you know, sometimes, I, uh, I dream I'm back in uh, Manchester High, you know, I get to see all my- all my old s- c- all my old friends… there. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Sometimes I even see Megan and John in there… John's her brother… 
'''Emily:''' Oh ok… 
'''Chris:''' Can you believe that, attending Manchester High like I was back then, 
'''Emily:''' *small laughter* 
'''Chris:''' … but yet they never went- they never been- they never been to Manchester High, neither of them. Isn't that… kinda funny? 
'''Emily:''' *slightly sarcastically* Yeah… that is kinda funny! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… FYE was over there… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… I guess it's becoming a LensCrafters? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I guess… anyway here's the Spencer's. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… 
'''Chris:''' If you like looking at the, uh, naughty stuff- 
'''Emily:''' *quickly* No, I'm not into that. 
'''Chris:''' Not yet anyway! *laughs* 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' Ah, but you might. But it's mostly humorous, anyway. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… well… doesn't look like there's anything down here… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… not much… not much to look at around here… the toy stores around here are down here… 
'''Emily:''' Oh… well I gotta get going soon, it's gonna be a long drive! 
'''Chris:''' Long drive… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Well I hope, uh, you at least, uh, keep the memories we've shared… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah I'll walk you to your car, if you want… 
'''Emily:''' No, I'll probably have to go to the bathroom first… it's that time of the month… 
'''Chris:''' Oh. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, when you're on your, uh, period… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, aside from the, uh, first time, uh, meeting, this first meeting, uh, how do you feel about me? In general… 
'''Emily:''' You're a really nice guy! 
'''Chris:''' Thank you… 
'''Emily:''' I don't know why people pick on you and all that… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, they should get to know me in person… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' I mean I'm a gentleman, I behave… behave… 
'''Emily:''' *steering the beast* Have you been into any of these stores over here?

===Meet the Pickle (01:21:44 - 01:25:29)===

'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] Yeah, so, um, you wouldn't want to go see Watchmen, would you? 
'''Chris:''' Uh… no. 
'''Emily:''' I'd see that movie. 
'''Chris:''' *shocked* Uh… any particular reason why you're dressed up like that? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Not in particular. 
'''Chris:''' Come on, Emily. 
'''Emily:''' What? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Hey, hey, maybe the lady wants to go with me. Ya, ya want to go see Watchmen? Lots of, uh… 
'''Emily:''' *gloating* Why, what's wrong? 
'''Chris:''' The man in the pickle suit… a- it's apparent this guy's amongst the… trolls. 
'''Pickle Man:''' You think… 
'''Emily:''' What's a tro… 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Passerby:''' Sir… sir, what are you? 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm a pickle. 
'''Passerby:''' You're a pickle! I love pickles. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? Pickles are pretty cool. 
'''Passerby:''' And who are you advertising with? 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm not really advertising. 
'''Passerby:''' You're just dressed for fun? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Just bored. 
'''Chris:''' Dressed as a pickle to HAUNT ME. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Excuse me? I don't even know you. 
'''Passerby:''' You're just bored? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yep! 
'''Chris:''' *questioningly* You don't even know me… are you sure… do you have internet access? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Lots of people have internet access. 
'''Chris:''' Do you know Sonichu and Rosechu? 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. 
'''Chris:''' Do you know about Encyclopedia Dramatica? 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. (turning to Emily) Want to go see Watchmen? 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs* No, no, no, she's with- 
'''Emily:''' Alright! 
'''Chris:''' … she's h- she's headed over to- she's heading back to her home town. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, Watchmen would be pretty cool. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, it would be pretty cool! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, alright, uh… 
'''Emily:''' Let's go see it! 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah? 
'''Pickle Man:''' (to Emily as they turn to leave together) You've probably seen Watchmen (he refers to the novel), haven't you? 
'''Chris:''' (answering the question meant for Emily as he is clearly left behind) I've heard of Watchmen… 
'''Pickle Man:''' *laughs at Chris* 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' (inaudible, but clearly saying something to the effect that he doesn't like the Pickle Man.) 
'''Emily:''' *gloating* What's wrong with him? 
'''Pickle Man:''' What, you like pickles? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… I do not like pickles. 
'''Pickle Man:''' No pickles? 
'''Chris:''' And also particularly a guy in a pickle suit who tricked me on the internet pretending that he was Blanca! 
'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! 
'''Pickle Man:''' Who's Blanca? 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs/grunts* 
'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! See, he's a nice guy. 
'''Chris:''' (inaudible, but stressed as he moves closer to Emily) 
'''Pickle Man:''' I think you're making the lady uncomfortable there, Chris. 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs* I'm sorry, Emily. 
'''Emily:''' It's ok… I think I have… to go to the bathroom now… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, go change my tampon. 
'''Chris:''' Oh boy. [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' [inaudible] … but I guess I do now. 
'''Emily:''' *attempting to brush him off* OK, well it was nice meeting you… maybe we'll talk online or something. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah well… I kinda… [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' (as they continue trying to walk away) Well, we're going to go now. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah well… 
'''Emily:''' I'm going to the bathroom. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, either of- (to Pickle Man) you're not going where she's going… 
'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, we're- we're leaving together. 
'''Chris:''' Are you with her? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Now we are. We're going to go see Watchmen. 
'''Chris:''' No! N- no! She's going b- you gotta go back to West Virginia, don't you. 
'''Pickle Man:''' We're going to go see Watchmen first. 
'''Emily:''' I'm kinda- just- gonna- Watchmen's not that long of a movie. 
'''Chris:''' *suddenly concerned for Emily* Yeah, but you got a five hour drive! 
'''Emily:''' *dismissively* It'll be ok. 
The Pickle Man and Chris indistinctly carry on a short dialogue. The Pickle Man seems to be asking Chris why he is following along, and Chris replies: 
'''Chris:''' I'm just staying close to my friends 
'''Emily:''' Alright, see ya! 

===(01:25:29 - 01:29:34)===

{{Transcription}}

===A Precious Farewell (01:29:35 - 01:31:10)===

'''Pickle Man:''' So, you ready to go? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, my car's that way. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, her car's… Your car's [inaudible] didn't you? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, so did I. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, you did? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Which [inaudible]? 
'''Chris:''' Tha- that way. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… I'm over there. 
'''Chris:''' Oh. (continues walking alongside Pickle Man and Emily) 
'''Emily:''' Chris… you don't need to walk me to my car. 
'''Chris:''' Okaaay. 
'''Emily:''' This is… Alright. 
'''Chris:''' So, you have yourself a safe trip back to uhh… West Virginia. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… (feigning cheerfulness) okay! I might call you on Skype later. 
'''Chris:''' Okay, you take care. 
'''Emily:''' You too. 
'''Chris:''' Hey… (attempts to hug and kiss Emily) 
'''Emily:''' (tries to avoid Chris) No… no… no thank you! (nervous laughter) No thank you. 
'''Chris:''' (Chris gives up) Okay. 
'''Emily:''' Alright, see you. 
'''Chris:''' Alright, well you take care, be safe. 
'''Emily:''' Alright, you too. 
(8 seconds pass as Pickle Man and Emily walk away from Chris)
'''Chris:''' (yelling from a distance) HE KNOWS CLYDE CASH! 
(laughter from Pickle Man and Emily)
'''Emily:''' (laughing) Mission accomplished! 
'''Pickle Man:''' Is he gone yet? 
'''Emily:''' I don't know, let me look behind. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry. I'm so sorry. 
'''Emily:''' That's okay!. [inaudible] worse than me… 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm so sorry. 
'''Emily:''' That's okay. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay… [inaudible] man in the pickle suit? 
'''Emily:''' (laughs) 
'''Pickle Man:''' (laughingly says something about Clyde Cash) 
'''Emily:''' (laughs) Wait there… there's Frosty. 
'''Pickle Man:''' What? 
'''Emily:''' Looks like he's gone now. I'm gonna go tell him what happened. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. 
'''Emily:''' (presumably walking to see Frosty) Yes! Still recording!

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?hgz03i1wj4n The Date Audio]

[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Trolling]]

Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2010-03-04T17:17:32Z

Llort: /* Transcript */ full copy edit of "Meet the Parent"

Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2010-03-04T15:10:01Z

Llort: /* Transcript */ full copy edit of "Target Acquired"

CWCki talk:Transcription Collective

2010-03-04T04:57:48Z

Llort: /* March is Mumble Month */

Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2010-03-04T04:46:53Z

Llort: marking out the three sections still to be transcribed

In [[March 2009]], [[Chris]] went on his first, and only date ever with a [[troll]] called [[Emily]]. For posterity's sake, the event was recorded, and is now presented in text format for your enjoyment, here.

The voices heard in the recording are that of an elite crack team of courageous trolls and trollettes.

==Cast==

'''Frosty:''' A whiz kid, his high-tech know-how keeps the group online.

'''Camwhore:''' "Emily's friend", her mission is to capture video of the event.

'''Emily:''' Queen of trolls, she risks both life and limb on a plunge into the heart of darkness.

'''Pickle Man:''' Brave and daring hero, he protects Emily from certain peril.

'''Chris:''' Misshapen manchild, his disgusting nature seeps into the very recording of his voice.

'''Bob:''' [[Bob|Robert Chandler]], the proud Internet lumberjack, yet also slave to the manchild.

==Transcript==

Throughout the recording, a mall full of shoppers produces a background din.

===Prelude (00:00 - 03:12)===

'''Frosty:''' Okay… lock it? 
'''Frosty:''' Okay-- 
'''Camwhore:''' Are you wearing a thong? With a-- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' That better be fuckin' ''tight''. 
'''Emily:''' It's tight. 
'''Camwhore:''' That may pop out while you're walking around, while you're like-- 
'''Emily:''' I should be like-- 
'''Camwhore:''' Or a robotic vagina. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' Say "It's my vibrator." 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' It's one of those things that you see taped to those-- those hentai-- 
'''Frosty:''' Well, the thing is, Chris-- he [unintelligible (but clearly imitating Chris's voice)] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Ungh, ungh, ungh, ungh! 
'''Emily:''' Okay, if he get's, like, ''way'' too close to me, I'm just gonna be like-- get my chair farther away. 
'''Camwhore:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' I really like your [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughs''] Maybe Barb-- Barbara can come. 
'''Emily:''' Apparently, she doesn't leave the house anymore. 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I'm just [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Frosty:''' There-- there are Barb candidates ''everywhere''. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' No, no, no, no, no, no. But-- but in all actuality, there should be no Barb; if there ''is'' Barb, I will shit myself. 
'''Emily:''' If there is Barb, we're-- we're done. 
'''Camwhore:''' We're not showing up. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' "You brought your mommy?" 
'''Emily:''' I should be like, "No – just put that shit in the bag, and we're not doing anything today." 
'''Camwhore:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' That's it. 
'''Camwhore:''' And you can call him and be like "You owe me a ''dire'' apology, and you're the… jack-off--" 
'''Emily:''' No – I'm sure I'm gonna yell at him, and make him ''cry''. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' And I'm gonna be like "Oh – I live in Clyde's playboy mansion now." [''laughs''] 
'''Frosty:''' No – even better! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [aside] I'm waiting. 
'''Camwhore:''' I'm ''part'' of Clyde's playboy mansion. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' I'm the janitor. 
[''all laugh loudly''] 
'''Emily:''' Okay – let's go see if he's there. 
'''Camwhore:''' ''You'' go see if he's there. 
'''Emily:''' ''No!'' 'Cause-- 'cause it's-- 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible (but about "a girl")] 
'''Emily:''' 'Cause I'm gonna make it like an entrance, like… ''"Hiii!"'' 
'''Pickle Man:''' Did he say where [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' No. Like, he wants to be-- he wants to meet in front of Chick-Fil-A, so… 
'''Camwhore:''' Figures! But the ''general'' idea would be you park near where you wanna… go. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' What if that [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [aside] [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' Do you see those pile of balloons right there? Swear to God: it looks like a penis. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' The balloons. Right here. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' It's a fuckin' penis. 
[pause] 
'''Camwhore:''' Nope. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' [''sighs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [''sighs''] 
[pause] 
'''Camwhore:''' There's that ugly bitch that looks like Hamster Girl… at Starbucks. 
'''Emily:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Camwhore:''' She ''looks'' like Hamster Girl. 
'''Pickle Man:''' ''Which'' one looks like Hamster Girl? 
'''Camwhore:''' Right there. The only one that you can see working? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Oh – over at Starbucks? You should see her with that hair off. 
'''Camwhore:''' No, no, no. She looks like Hamster Girl. [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm telling you: you should see her with that hair off! 
'''Camwhore:''' Oh – she don't have no hair? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Um… 
'''Camwhore:''' Oh – she has a fake-- 
'''Pickle Man:''' She has fake hair, or… she has no hair… or the hair back like this. 
'''Camwhore:''' Well, yeah – I knew that. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' I was gonna say: I don't-- I guess she dyed her hair blond. 'Cause I remember seeing her with some ugly, strange-colored hair.

===Target Spotted (03:13 - 04:46)===

Suddenly, the festive mood changes to dread as Chris appears, in full stalker regalia. 
'''Frosty:'''(Noticing Chris)There he is! 
'''Emily:''' (Panicking) Wut! 
'''Frosty:''' In the jacket 
'''Emily:''' (Panicking) omygod EJECT omygod! (as the realization of what is about to happen sets in)
Many voices here, possibly more than the four that were speaking in previously "In the jacket" "There he is". 
'''Frosty:''' Are you ready? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah I'm ready. *Nervous laugh/cry* This is going to be my best acting moment ever. 
'''Pickle Man:''' (inaudible) 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, Don't like, look, cause she has to get down first. 
'''Pickle Man:''' (inaudible) 
'''Frosty:''' He'll realize later, that's what it was. 
'''Camwhore:''' I don't feel bad 
'''Emily:''' Okay, but if he like, won't come around and-(interrupted) Huh? I don't have my phone. 

There is a short silence as everyone is overcome by the aura of the approaching manchild. 
'''Emily:''' (Nervously, under her breath) Oh my God.... 
Another pause. 
'''Emily:''' If this is going to goes all smoothly, I should get like...(trails off) 
'''Pickle Man:''' Where do I sit? 
'''Emily:''' Umm, there's some benches like by the table... oh, oh, oh no. 
'''Pickle Man:''' (inaudible) 
'''Emily:''' Okay, there's some benches like nearby... 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? 
'''Emily:''' Umm, just sit and watch them, talk and eat, then go change or whatever. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Well, okay. I (indistict) 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. I (indistict) 
'''Emily:''' *Takes a deep breath* Yeah. 
Emily begins to slowly walk twards her impending date with destiny as she gives instructions to the Pickle Man. 
'''Emily:''' or just kind of walk around and see if you can see us.

===The Date Begins (04:47 - 07:17)===

Emily parts with the Pickle Man and advances on the table. The hesitation in her step is audible, but she marches on, straight into the lions den. At 5:21 Emily contacts the target. 
'''Emily:''' ''[with tinge of disgust] Hi''... 
'''Chris:''' Are you Emily? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, I'm Emily... So nice to meet you. 
'''Chris:''' Hi Emily this is mah father Robert 
'''Bob:''' (Cheerfully) Hello! 
'''Emily:''' Hello 
A slight pause while they presumably shake hands. 
'''Emily:''' I've started shopping a little bit. 
'''Chris:''' thas alright 
'''Bob:''' You're from West Virgina? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, I use to live here for a while but then I- 
'''Chris:''' *interrupts with a single word* HAT! 
'''Emily:''' But then I moved to... 
'''Chris:''' *interrupts a second time* NEAT HAT! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah I thought you might like it. 
'''Chris:''' *laughs, amused by himself* heh heh 
'''Bob:''' You go to school over there? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, University of West Virgina, My friend -uh, wanted to go to school there and she's my best friend, so I have to go with her everywhere. *slightly nervous laugh* 
'''Bob:''' [cheerfully] That sounds like the best way to do things! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' *Butts in awkwardly* yeah hey Emily, do you mind a photo of you and me together? 
'''Emily:''' [genuinely excited] Sure! 
There is a short pause and Bob says something, it would seem a picture is taken. 
'''Bob:''' What are you taking? 
'''Emily:''' I'm doing journalism. 
'''Bob:''' [hard of hearing) Wha? 
'''Emily:''' Journalism. 
'''Bob:''' [teasingly] Journalism? Oh, you're going to be a writer! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! [giggles girlishly] 
'''Emily:''' I did a lot- 
'''Bob:''' He [Chris] has a [[Cole Smithey|half brother]], who's.... Who lives in New York City and uh... does Freelance Writing and Show Review and things... for newspapers and magazines. 
'''Emily:''' Is it- Does he love it? 
'''Bob:''' I guess... 
'''Emily:''' *Giggles girlishly again* 
'''Bob:''' I haven't talked to him in years... 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
'''Chris:''' *mumbles something under his breath* You haven't said anything about me, before. 
They take a few steps, and an extraordinarily unconformable silence falls. 
'''Bob:''' You know thats- I worked at uhh- I'm an engineer and engineers never learn how to spell. 
'''Emily:''' *Giggles girlishly yet again* 
'''Bob:''' I think very logically but I- 
'''Chris:''' *interrupts yet again* SHOOT! I got bad batteries in the camera. 
'''Emily:''' *Moans with disappointment* 
'''Bob:''' (Continues)If I would- If would write anything, half the words would be phonetically rather than the way we're suppose to. 
'''Emily:''' *laughs again, a little less enthusiastically* 
'''Bob:''' (Continues)I got along fine... writing stuff on my word processor... when I had spell check 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' (Continues)but I don't do that no more 
Bob emits a dry, finely-aged, man cackle. Chris is strangely quiet. 
'''Emily:''' Did you like doing engineering? 
'''Bob:''' Well, I had a really unique situation... 

===About Bob (07:18 - 16:45)===

Bob Pauses, and seems to weigh what he is about to say next. 
'''Bob:''' Look, uh... I'ma-I'm really old 
'''Emily:''' *laughs nervously* 
'''Bob:''' Okay, so- cause I'm 81 and I came along before transistors. 
'''Emily:''' *nods attentively* mm-hmm? 
'''Bob:''' (inaudible)the stuff we had now, but even before then. This is when we had vacuum tubes. And I uh... got drafted after World War II. That's how old-but uh... They put me in the Signal Corps and they knew things I didn't know. They taught me how to install valve systems and switchboard and telephone (Inaudible). So I found out, yeah, I'm pretty good at that. So when I got out.. course that was in 1947... found out now- I know we had a deflation economy, I didn't know it then- Couldn't get a job, So I thought "Well, I got the G.I. Bill. I'll go to school." 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, now it's really hard to become an engineer 
'''Bob:''' Eh, now ya- I, uh- I went to a State Union College(?) to start with cause I had the philosophy, that if I went to a big school I'd be just... swallowed up 
'''Emily:''' Yeah 
'''Bob:''' So I went to a small school and took Pre-Engineering for two years and that was the best thing I ever did. Cause I wound up... well- I got through my two years of Pre-Engineering in small classes. 
'''Emily:''' *nods attentively* mm-hmm 
'''Bob:''' And also I loved music, and I was in this band and everything. And I got the chance to learn a lot about music while I was there. And then I went to Alburn and it was- talk about getting swallowed up 
'''Emily:''' *Laughs Nervously* 
'''Bob:''' Then- At that time Alburn, which now has like thirty thousand students, or something. Alburn had about five thousand students. I got my engineering degree. And then when I got out, I said: "I'll, uh, I can do anything with relays and telephones and valve systems, and (another item, indistinct). I'm gonna work for Western Electric;-" 
'''Emily:''' *interjecting her agreement* mm-hmm 
'''Bob:''' "That seems logical...(cut off by Chris). 
'''Chris:''' *Interrupting, yet again* Yeah! Hey! No, you listen to my father. Because he's something; Because I get some of my intelligence from him. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Especially my tend-o-logical *phonetic spelling* intelligence. 
'''Bob:'''*Ignoring Chris' comments* But anyway, I, uh, I went to work for them for forty years, and, uh, at that point in time... (Pause) uh, This is even before the (indistinct), the I.C.B-(Emily laughs again, drowning him out). Before the Korean War, and, uh, but, I-I found out they were building radar systems. Well that was fine, but I thought they had lots of available money, and they wanted to automatic (indistinct). At that time, nothing was automatic. They had none. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, that's what I come and build 'em. (Indistinct) what I learned in the army. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I started working with the first automatic (death storm?), that we ever made. And then GE heard about it, and they came down to help them with the (boat?), in North Carolina. And the GE came down, they offered me a job up in upstate New York. Cold country in Utica. 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs at what Bob said) 
'''Bob:''' And, uh, I went down to build the automatic (indistinct). 
'''Emily:''' mm-hmm 
'''Bob:'''Nobody knows how, because we haven't done it before. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:'''We found something with automatic (indistinct), down here. Why don't you come up there? Well, okay. So, I went up there, for three years, and helped develop the, uh, automatic (indistinct) but I got, I was a soldier (indistinct) 'cause I was born in Texas and raised in Alabama. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' And then I was in North Carolina, first. And then I hit upstate New York, and I froze to death.(Chuckles) 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, that would be really differ-eh-eh-heh-heh-heh. (Emily laughingly responds) 
'''Bob:''' After three years, I said: "I'm going back to (indistinct)GE. I didn't know it then, but I had a real natural draw to the mountains. 
'''Emily:''' mm-hmm 
'''Bob:''' And I knew about (indistinct) So, I wanted to come back to (indistinct). See, we have plants there...and them there plants specialized in industrial automation. Except, they hadn't done any automation yet. They were just industrial controlled. So, I finagled a transfer back to (indistinct) and I got there just at the time, when they were startin' to make any kind of automation controls. So, I got into what they call "a new business area." And I got to do all the great things. All my, I-I really had it right. I was in the right places, at the right time. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. (Giggles Girlishly) 
'''Bob:'''Because, I am very logically inclined. 
'''Emily:''' That doesn't really happen these days, with the economy. 
'''Bob:'''Yeah. I'm a logician. Oddly enough, I never learned how a transistor even works on (records?). But, I use em' all the time. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:'''I use 'em. I'm retired now, long time. But when I started out with this group, and the first thing we got into was trying to automate a steel mill, for rolling (painted?) steel for your cars. And when we did that,and then I got into how to roll papers so you could get Kleenex. 
'''Emily:''' (More Girlish Giggling) 
'''Chris:''' And, of course you know, that he's the guy that designed the controls for all the plastic water machines! (Bob starts to say something, but Chris plows right along.) So, without him at this time, you couldn't have the plastic through your glasses. 
'''Bob:''' And-and then then I got into- I was in the new business area, you know? We could do the first one, and then somebody else would take over and do the others. 
'''Emily:''' mm-hmm 
'''Bob:''' And then I got into (managing?) a paper mill. And then I got into the...industry of-of, uh, like (low-line?) warehousing, automatic transition, like BART. Bay Area Rapid Transit. 
'''Emily:''' mm-hmm 
'''Bob:''' Automatic railroads, and all that kind of stuff. Automated a bunch of that, then I got into automating a bunch of (mine horses?), around the world. 
'''Emily:''' You've been through a lot! 
'''Bob:''' And the I went to do the automating of tanker ships, so you could run 'em from the bridge, and have nobody downstairs. 
'''Emily:''' (Even More Girlish Giggling) 
'''Bob:''' Just someone else involved- 
Unable to hold his tongue any longer, Chris cuts off his father and leaps into the conversation. He then breathes noisily and asks Emily: 
'''Chris:''' Want some water? 
'''Emily:''' No, thank-you. 
'''Bob:''' And, uh, then, uh, then, um, I got into...I developed (indistinct). I found out that there were very few people like me, in the world, who had this natural inclination for logic. Anyway, like the ands, and ors, and the what if's, and the what if's. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:'''And then that developed because (indistinct). 
'''Emily:''' uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' Hardware oriented (Y2k pile of junk. ???) 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' Similar fortune was in hardware. 
'''Chris:''' Hey, you have very pretty hair 
'''Emily:''' (To Bob) Oh, okay. (To Chris) Oh, thank you. 
Bob starts speaking, but Chris talks over him, making what they say incomprehensible. It seems that Bob is continuing with his life's story, and that Chris is complimenting Emily. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) Thank you. 
'''Bob:''' -One of my neighbors was in the Navy too,but I was lazy 
'''Emily:''' mm-hmm 
'''Bob:''' -was to right down on paper, and design on paper right from the start (indistinct) a sequence of parallel lines. 
'''Emily:''' mm-hmm 
'''Bob:''' And up to that point, nobody had a way of writing it down on paper. 
'''Emily:''' (Unsuccessfully attempts to stifle a laugh) 
'''Bob:''' They still don't! (indistinct) 
'''Emily:''' yeah. 
'''Bob:''' But that hadn't come to mind, I designed the (mine-hose component?) Elevator (indistinct) 5000 ft hole. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' Then I got into, uh, designing scooter machines, which fused, um, plastic around wires, and things like that. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' --Scooters. And then I got into die cast machines, and the machines automating them. They make things like carburetors, and cans, and whatever. And then I got into plastics (indistinct) automating their machines. In the process, I ended up with a patent, in my name, that they own. (Indistinct) And I saw the first two liter Coke bottle (Emily Chortles) come off the line in England. (indistinct) shutters, and stuff like that, made out of plastic. All this stuff we got plastic. 
'''Chris:''' Like your frames! 
'''Emily:''' Yep!(Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' Including, uh, Tupperware. 
'''Emily:''' (Uncertainly) Can't...go without Tupperware. 
'''Bob:''' No, and that's why I (Indistinct) finalized and perfected, basically, this whole polar (indistinct) 
'''Emily:''' mm-hmm 
'''Bob:''' design, and documentation. It came time for me to retire. And so, I did! 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) 
'''Bob:''' And now I'm inundated, with all this stuff I did, and I don't know if I did the world a good thing, or not. 
'''Emily:''' (Jumping to Bob's defence) I think you did! You did a lot of things. 
'''Bob:''' But I can't, I can't spell the word "CAT," without a "K" in it. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) (Writing Emily's lines is a breeze. You just have to copy and paste the same four responses over and over again.)
'''Chris:''' Aw, yeah, well you know, I'm proud of him, anyway, for his accompliment, accom-PLISH-ments. 
'''Emily:''' uh-huh 
'''Bob:''' (Referring to Chris) He's got a half-brother who (Indistinct)- 
'''Chris:''' (Referring to the parentage of the fore-mentioned half-brother) His son. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Bob:''' and he's got a, I have a daughter (Indistinct) Phi Beta Kappa, out of UVA. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Bob:''' She's working for the government. She's got a PHD, now. She's working somewhere for the federal government, all those math people. I dunno.

===Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 24:19)===

'''Emily:''' I'm not very good at math. (Girlishly Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' I'm not that-I'm good at logic, but not at math. 
'''Chris:''' I'm good at math! 
'''Bob:''' He's not good at math, when it comes to managing money. 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' Hey, look it! I have YOUR plastic lid on it! 
Chris and Emily share a giggle over the humor of this statement. 
'''Bob:''' We've been working with him, now, for twenty seven years. (It was a job/challenge?) Most of the time, I've been retired, so I could (coach him?). 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, usually if you're not very good at math, you're really good at writing, which is why I'm going for journalism. 
'''Bob:''' Well, uh, I uh do alright with writing as long as I got spell check. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' I just, uh, I enjoyed my life it, uh I-I had things, I had opportunities most people don’t get. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I’ve got to see all the stuff (Indistinct) 
'''Emily:''' That’s gooood, I hope that I can travel all around the world and you know, write in journalism..like overseas. 
'''Bob:''' I’ve been to Australia, I’ve been to Korea, I've been to England, most people that I know have never been to (Indistinct) so they write(?) for a living 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' (Indistinct) I wish I could get find out what good he can do though he’s pretty good in drawing 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' -and writing 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, she-she-she you-you should know, you’ve seen a bunch ah my artwork. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah it’s really good! All-all my friends like it as well. 
'''Bob:''' He’s creative, but he’s uh , I-I guess you know he’s high functioning autistic and, uh- 
'''Chris''' and 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' At six he couldn’t even talk but he was programming(?) (indistinct, possibly AMIGA?) computers and Commodore computers. 
'''Chris:''' Commodore 64. 
'''Bob:''' (Laughs) which was his first little-- 
'''Emily:''' Oh! I don’t know that much about computers (Giggle) Sorry! (Giggle) 
'''Bob:''' You’ve probably got a laptop, with a word processor. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah-yeah, but you- 
'''Bob:''' We’ve brought him a long way. It’s been interesting. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, that’s a little piece of history you can write about, if you want to. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, that would be interesting. 
Chris takes over for half a second. 
'''Chris:''' Anyways, you came all the way here from VCU? Or, did you make a few stops along the way? 
'''Emily:''' No, I came all the way from VCU, um, like a lot of my friends over at VCU know about the whole Sonichu thing, but there’s a lot more. Like, uh, I guess Sonichu girls? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah... 
'''Emily:''' --up in University of West Virginia and we kinda do a newsletter type thing every week 
'''Chris:''' Wow… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' This is one of my favorite spots in the country. 
'''Chris:''' I commend you for that. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' --little trees on west avenue. 
'''Emily:''' uh-huh 
'''Bob:''' Have you heard about West Avenue? 
'''Emily:''' mm-hmm 
'''Bob:''' You know where West Avenue is? 
'''Emily:''' mm-hmm 
'''Bob:''' You know where west avenue is? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, a little bit, but I don’t go in that area. 
'''Bob:''' Then are you from VCU then? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, (laughing this off) I don’t know that area very well. 
'''Bob:''' It’s a little town(house?)…only three blocks long and it’s got a second name, called: “Fork Avenue.” 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' Every spring they have a Fork Avenue (rally?) 
'''Emily:''' Uh-oh 
'''Bob:''' at the same time they have the easter parade over on Monument Avenue. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, I’ve never seen it before, but my friends have told me about it, but I’m usually stuck in you know...college. 
'''Bob:''' --in Richmond uh 1975 thru 1980 and then I got married to his mother and, um, he was born. Then we got transferred over here and we moved to Chesterfield county …but I love West Avenue that’s my favorite spot. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' I call it Sesame Street. 
'''Emily:''' Oh that’s--(giggles) 
'''Bob:''' They call itself now cause there’s too many kids. 
'''Emily:''' Oh yeah…? 
'''Bob:''' I-I love Virginia. His mother was raised, oh you wouldn’t believe it, raised in (Indistinct) and was the one who decided to move 
'''Emily:''' uh-huh 
'''Bob:''' right there on and uh can’t remember the name of that school the one that goes (Indistinct) on (Indistinct) street. 
'''Emily:''' I don’t really know the streets. 
'''Bob:''' well there’s a street (on a?) Burger King right down the street from there is where uh his mother lived for twenty years and raised her first son and he’s got a lot of ties to the family too, he just doesn’t like me. 
'''Emily:''' Ohh, you guys have a big family? 
'''Bob:''' Well, uh, we’ve got my son and my daughter; my son’s in Richmond and my daughter’s in Washington. 
'''Emily:''' mm-hmm 
'''Bob:''' And then you’ve got her son, who lives in New York, and then there’s the three of us. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, sure is a big family. 
'''Bob:''' We’ve really got two separate families. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, but it’s not as big as the Brady BunCH! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah.(Giggle) no... 
'''Bob:''' We-we-we enjoy it and I grow flowers. I don’t have to worry about making a living anymore. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Social Security, GE pension and GE is good and sound, so what’s it to me? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I grow (Indistinct) of it. I’ve got my yard for (Indistinct) And in the middle I’ve got a um about a 12 to 15 flat greenhouse. 
'''Emily:''' Oh? 
'''Bob:''' Inside the greenhouse it’s different. 
'''Emily:''' mm-hmm 
'''Bob:''' Inside the greenhouse, there’s plastic flowers. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, plastic flowers? 
'''Bob:''' --swaying and all my stereo stuff. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, but he’s got real flowers in his garden. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, oh okay. 
'''Bob:''' The day lillies are real in the garden inside (Indistinct) it’s all flat. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, day lillies bloom about once a year du-duri-about once this summer. 
'''Bob:''' –summer. 
'''Emily:''' Oh... 
Bob continues to talk but Chris talks over him 22:33. 
'''Chris:''' And dey stay that way for about a month or so. It’s a beautiful garden 
'''Emily:''' I can imagine. 
'''Bob:''' I’ve got about fifteen thousand healthy-- 
'''Chris:''' (high pitched/dreamily/wistfully/CREEPILY) IMAGINE. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' I love all the music from Rick and Rick Van Swing. 
'''Chris:''' Raise me on music, he did! 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) 
'''Bob:''' --musical soundtracks 
'''Emily:''' Well, what’s your favorite artist? 
'''Chris:''' Uh, my favorite artist…well, he didn’t raise me on it, but you know my favorite singer is Britney Spears. 
'''Emily:''' Britney Spears? 
'''Bob:''' You’ve got all my (Indistinct) back in the 30’s and 40’s and 20‘s.. 
'''Emily:''' And he’s into more modern pop music? 
'''Chris:''' Well, if I guess I had to pick a classic favorite it would have to be SATCHMO. 
'''Emily:''' SATCHMO? 
'''Chris:''' Louis Armstrong. 
'''Bob:''' (Indistinct) you’ve got all these classics now- 
'''Chris:''' (23:19-interupts with an impersonation of Louis Armstrong) TEN FEET UP THE GRAND BU BUH BUH BEH 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' It was in the 40’s when it came out on the European market was lacking. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Back in the 40’s when it came out (Indistinct) and now you’ve got to make good will and salvation army. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' (Indistinct) 
'''Emily:''' YeeAAh 
'''Bob:''' THOUSANDS of them now. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' And inside, I found out inside the greenhouse going soon the (complete rules of society are turned around?) I found a great stereo system in the 1970’s and put it out there along with my swing. 
'''Emily:''' uh-huh 
'''Bob:''' You can turn the volume up, and it sounds like it’s the hall where they recorded it. I go out there and swing with the music. 
'''Emily:''' What? (Bob laughs) It must be really relaxing.

===(24:20 - 32:00)===

{{Transcription}}

===In which Chris impersonates Donald Duck (32:01 - 36:48)===

After more of Bob's life story, Chris orders Bob to retrieve food for them, and continues his conversation with Emily. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, I must say you look good. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you. 
'''Chris:''' You know, you’re the first female Sonichu fan that has actually come a long distance to see me. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, its not that far. I’m sure maybe some of the girls from VCU would come down sometime, like maybe during summer break. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, but I mean at least all the way from West Virginia, I mean that’s farther than VCU. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, (Laughs) we might take a road trip down here. 
'''Chris:''' (Speaking in a sing-song voice) Take a road trip, its a little road trip… 
'''Emily:''' (Confused laugh) 
(Here Chris graces Emily with his Donald Duck Impression, which is difficult to convey in writing) 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) Is that the one that scared that child? 
'''Chris:''' Er- 
'''Emily:''' At Wendy’s… 
'''Chris:''' Uh… 
'''Emily:''' I don’t know how that’s scary- 
'''Chris:''' (Talking over her) No, not really scary, you see he was tired… 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay so you- 
'''Chris:'''(Interrupting)Yeah. But it makes a lot of children smile, ‘cause they’re familiar with that classic Disney character. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Y-you don’t mind if I have my hand on your shoulder… 
'''Emily:''' Uh, not for too long… 
'''Chris:''' (Chuckles) 
'''Emily:''' Oookay, n-not for too long… 
'''Chris:''' Okay… heh, this is like, wow, I finally get, like, this beautiful girl in front of me. 
'''Emily:''' (Nervous laughter) Thank you. 
'''Chris:''' And she actually got to know me. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Just like you know, yeah. (Changing subject abruptly) So what’s the reason you need your glasses for? I’m nearsighted myself. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah I’m nearsighted as well. I don’t have very good eyes. 
'''Chris:''' Its like, you know, we’re close so we don’t need glasses to see each other, do we? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… no, its still blurry. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… How do you look without that hat? I mean I like to see the, uh 
'''Emily:''' I like this hat. My hair doesn’t look good today. 
'''Chris:''' Oh. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Your hair doesn’t look good… are you sure? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. I’m sure. (Giggles) 
'''Chris:''' How’s my hair look? 
'''Emily:''' It looks good! 
'''Chris:''' That’s good. (Indistinct) sleeping against pillows and I took a shower before, before I went – crashing on the couch. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah but I put on some, buh, er, some Axe body spray before I left… do you like that smell? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, it depends on which one it is. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Which one is it? 
'''Chris:''' I believe its, uh, called 'Proximity.' 
'''Emily:''' Oh, I really like the new chocolate one 
'''Chris:''' Oh, the uh 'Dark Temptation.' 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' I was running low on that can anyway. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' Its like I, if I – If I – If I – (laughs, stutters indistinctly) – gotten more of that. 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' (sighs) But seriously though, you are cute. 
'''Emily:''' Ah, thank you. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I like the - I like this – I like the get-up you’re wearing. Its like you – like you came straight from, uh the PGSM… show. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah. (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' (Indistinct)Like a live action Sailor Moon. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, I’ve seen some of the episodes for that. 
'''Chris:''' I’ve got the entire series saved to my Playstation 3, including the, uh, wedding episode. 
'''Emily:''' I don’t think I’ve seen that one. 
'''Chris:''' Its like, uh, a very special last episode. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' You actually get to see (Japanese name) and, uh, I forget his name but you know – 
'''Emily:''' Uh, (Japanese name)? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, (Japanese name), that’s it, you got it. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' You got it. 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' You got it. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, I used to be a really big fan of Sailor Moon, well, I still am, I’m just not as big of a fan as nowadays. 
'''Chris:''' did you see the entire anime series? 
'''Emily:''' Um, I haven’t seen the last season. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, Sailor Stars. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. ‘cause it didn’t come out in America, and they’re, like, afraid of the transsexuals. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah I know – I know that. But I have that on DVD, you know, with Japanese audio and English subtitles. 
'''Emily:''' How do you feel about that? Like, the transsexuals and the (indistinct)? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Um… 
'''Emily:''' Does it, like, make you uncomfortable, or, would you have minded if, like, it came out on TV Shows to, like, little kids? 
'''Chris:''' Uh… Yeah… I don’t have much of an opinion… (Laughs nervously) 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) Its kind of a sketchy subject there. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah its… its itchy. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
(Brief awkward pause, punctuated by Emily laughing) 
'''Chris:''' Yeah but you can sketch a lot in your, uh, journalism, don'tcha? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. Well, we don’t draw a lot, we just – we do like little outlines and then we start writing- 
'''Chris:''' (Interrupting) I mean you, I mean you sketch your letters. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' I bet you sketch your signature pretty. Don’t you? 
'''Emily:''' No, I thinks its, uh, its basically a bunch of scribbles. (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' Ah, a lot of people would say that about their signatures I’m sure. 
'''Emily:''' Well some people just like put an X for their signature and that’s it. 
'''Chris:''' Eh, but not you. You put… 
'''Emily:''' An ‘E’ and an ‘S’ basically. (Giggles) 
'''Chris:''' Uh, uh, an ‘S’?. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, Emily Schiflet(?) 
'''Chris:''' Oh, that’s your last name, Schiflet(?) 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, my middle name’s Julia. 
'''Chris:''' Joolia? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Emily Julia Schiflet. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. Flows nicely, doesn’t it? 
'''Chris:''' Its beautiful. 
'''Emily:''' Aw, thank you. 
'''Chris:''' Do you dot your ‘I’ in ‘Julia’ with a heart? 
'''Emily:''' No. (Giggles) 
Bob Returns. 
'''Chris:''' All right dad, I’ll let you, uh, divvy up the spaghetti onto my plate.

===(36:49 - 01:14:22)===

{{Transcription}}

===A Walk to Remember (01:14:23 - 01:21:43)===

Chris and Emily awkwardly leave Bob who continues to ramble as they clomp off through the mall. 
'''Bob:''' Take care. 
'''Chris:''' Alright come on, Emily, let's, let's walk... 
Bob babbles on about sending something. 
'''Emily:'''Okay... okay, you can show me around the mall... 
'''Chris:''' Okay! Here's our... heights... You... you come to just about my eyeline. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous tittering* 
They walk quietly for a moment as Chris mutters something quietly. 
'''Chris:''' *sigh* So where you li... where do you usually like to go shopping at when you're at a shopping center? 
'''Emily:''' *impatiently* Clothes stores. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, they have a number of clothing stores in, uh... 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
'''Chris:''' ...a J.C. Penney and a Sears, among other places that uh, more name brands... 
'''Emily:''' Yeah a lot of the stores here are, if you take a look, take a look at the prices and they're pretty expensive. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah... Yeah... but, you know, they used to ha- they used to have a Kay-Bee Toys here and I- that's where I got my- turns out- my thousand dollar shopping spree I won around the... around the Adventures- the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog... 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Chris:''' That sweepstakes, you might remember I put something about that... 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' ...you might remember that, uh, news clip... 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! I've seen it. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah... 
Chris nervously takes a few steps. 
'''Chris:''' Wow... you're like... I'm sorry. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' I'm just fascinated like... you're just like... a character from PGSM or from- came all the way from Japan- just leapt out of my television! 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* No I'm definitely all American. 
'''Chris:''' You're all American. 
'''Emily:''' I'm all American. 
'''Chris:''' Okay- so it's just- it's just your eyes that are excepting. 
'''Emily:''' *shameless subject change* Yeah... so what's your favorite store here? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah it's- currently, since they took away the toy store- I think it's- I would say it's mostly Gamestop, but I also go to the bookstore or Sears, or even the Spencer's that's down on the other side of the mall. And they used to have an FYE here, which was a Suncoast before- before it- before they all merged and became an FYE, but then they closed that to make the next business here. 
'''Emily:''' What's down the other way... cause I've been... I came down this way, but I haven't been down that way. 
'''Chris:''' Okay, we'll go down that way! Alright. I hope- Hope you don't mind me sticking around your left side... 
'''Emily:''' *bravely* Okay, that's fine! 
'''Chris:''' I mean, I guess I should keep my hands to myself and behave, right? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, you should probably do that. 
'''Chris:''' I mean, I'm just trying to be friendly. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' But, you know, not- but you know- respectful- touch you gently on the shoulder or the back- 
'''Emily:''' *vomitously* Yeah... 
'''Chris:''' I mean at least I'm not that guy from Inuyasha that... go- eh- go for the bum. 
'''Emily:''' *vomitously* Yeah... 
'''Chris:''' Heh-heh, that's funny. Always get slapped in the face, he does. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
'''Chris:''' I forget his name, I think it's Mamoru, or something like that 
'''Emily:''' Uh.... it's Miroku. 
'''Chris:''' *talking over her* Do you watch Inuyasha? Yeah, Miroku, that was it, you hi- you hit it on the head right there... 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
Emily awkwardly walks several steps... 
'''Emily:''' *delaying* Is that the... food court there? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah that's basically the food court. 
'''Emily:''' OK... 
'''Chris:''' Yeah it use- it used to have McDonalds here- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
'''Chris:''' ...soooo many years ago across from the Gamestop there, back then it was called Babbages... 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
'''Chris:''' And then between them and Suncoast was FunCo Land and Software Etc. and they all merged into a Ga- they all merged into Gamestop 
'''Emily:''' Oh... never heard about that... 
'''Chris:''' Yeah... I'm sh- I'm sh- I'm sure you must've at least noticed those game stores back in your youth- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... I play video games sometimes, but not very often... 
'''Salesman:''' HELLO WOULD YOU LIKE HARAAGARALABHGH 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no thank you! 
'''Chris:''' No thank you! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah... right over- see- where that *unintelligble name of store*, that's where PacSun used to be, where Anna McLerran 
'''Emily:''' Oh yeah... I've... I've heard of her as well... 
'''Chris:''' Yeah... 
'''Emily:''' Is she still around? 
'''Chris:''' No she, uh- moved to Utah. 
'''Emily:''' Utah... 
'''Chris:''' She's a Mormon. Found that out after I met her. But we cam- but we- but we could became good friends and I gave her, uh, you know, gave her a going away/birthday party before she left for Utah... 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh! 
'''Chris:''' For her 20th birthday... and actually her- actual- and actually her friends, uh, her friends and I got together and put together the party. *emphatically* I k- I bought the cake. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, that's nice of you... and... there was also Megan. Do you keep in contact with her? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah uh... no, not-no-n-n-not-been-touch with her for a long time. 
'''Emily:''' Oh... 
'''Chris:''' That's cause she moved to another state. 
'''Emily:''' Oh... did she move to Utah too? 
'''Chris:''' Uh, no, I don't think she moved to Utah, I don't even remember where she moved to. 
'''Emily:''' Oh... 
'''Chris:''' But you know, sometimes, I, uh, I dream I'm back in uh, Manchester High, you know, I get to see all my- all my old s- c- all my old friends... there. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
'''Chris:''' Sometimes I even see Megan and John in there... John's her brother... 
'''Emily:''' Oh ok... 
'''Chris:''' Can you believe that, attending Manchester High like I was back then, 
'''Emily:''' *small laughter* 
'''Chris:''' ...but yet they never went- they never been- they never been to Manchester High, neither of them. Isn't that... kinda funny? 
'''Emily:''' *slightly sarcastically* Yeah... that is kinda funny! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah... FYE was over there... 
'''Emily:''' Oh... I guess it's becoming a LensCrafters? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I guess... anyway here's the Spencer's. 
'''Emily:''' Oh... 
'''Chris:''' If you like looking at the, uh, naughty stuff- 
'''Emily:''' *quickly* No, I'm not into that. 
'''Chris:''' Not yet anyway! *laughs* 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' Ah, but you might. But it's mostly humorous, anyway. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... well... doesn't look like there's anything down here... 
'''Chris:''' Yeah... not much... not much to look at around here... the toy stores around here are down here... 
'''Emily:''' Oh... well I gotta get going soon, it's gonna be a long drive! 
'''Chris:''' Long drive... 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
'''Chris:''' Well I hope, uh, you at least, uh, keep the memories we've shared... 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
'''Chris:''' Yeah I'll walk you to your car, if you want... 
'''Emily:''' No, I'll probably have to go to the bathroom first... it's that time of the month... 
'''Chris:''' Oh. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, when you're on your, uh, period... 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, aside from the, uh, first time, uh, meeting, this first meeting, uh, how do you feel about me? In general... 
'''Emily:''' You're a really nice guy! 
'''Chris:''' Thank you... 
'''Emily:''' I don't know why people pick on you and all that... 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, they should get to know me in person... 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
'''Chris:''' I mean I'm a gentleman, I behave... behave... 
'''Emily:''' *steering the beast* Have you been into any of these stores over here?

===Meet the Pickle (01:21:44 - 01:25:29)===

'''Pickle Man:''' (inaudible) Yeah, so, um, you wouldn't want to go see Watchmen, would you? 
'''Chris:''' Uh... no. 
'''Emily:''' I'd see that movie. 
'''Chris:''' *shocked* Uh... any particular reason why you're dressed up like that? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Not in particular. 
'''Chris:''' Come on, Emily. 
'''Emily:''' What? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Hey, hey, maybe the lady wants to go with me. Ya, ya want to go see Watchmen? Lots of, uh... 
'''Emily:''' *gloating* Why, what's wrong? 
'''Chris:''' The man in the pickle suit... a- it's apparent this guy's amongst the... trolls. 
'''Pickle Man:''' You think... 
'''Emily:''' What's a tro... 
'''Pickle Man:''' (inaudible) 
'''Passerby:''' Sir... sir, what are you? 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm a pickle. 
'''Passerby:''' You're a pickle! I love pickles. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? Pickles are pretty cool. 
'''Passerby:''' And who are you advertising with? 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm not really advertising. 
'''Passerby:''' You're just dressed for fun? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Just bored. 
'''Chris:''' Dressed as a pickle to HAUNT ME. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Excuse me? I don't even know you. 
'''Passerby:''' You're just bored? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yep! 
'''Chris:''' *questioningly* You don't even know me... are you sure... do you have internet access? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Lots of people have internet access. 
'''Chris:''' Do you know Sonichu and Rosechu? 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. 
'''Chris:''' Do you know about Encyclopedia Dramatica? 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. (turning to Emily) Want to go see Watchmen? 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs* No, no, no, she's with- 
'''Emily:''' Alright! 
'''Chris:''' ...she's h- she's headed over to- she's heading back to her home town. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, Watchmen would be pretty cool. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, it would be pretty cool! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, alright, uh... 
'''Emily:''' Let's go see it! 
'''Pickle Man:''' (inaudible) 
'''Emily:''' Yeah? 
'''Pickle Man:''' (to Emily as they turn to leave together) You've probably seen Watchmen (he refers to the novel), haven't you? 
'''Chris:''' (answering the question meant for Emily as he is clearly left behind) I've heard of Watchmen... 
'''Pickle Man:''' *laughs at Chris* 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' (inaudible, but clearly saying something to the effect that he doesn't like the Pickle Man.) 
'''Emily:''' *gloating* What's wrong with him? 
'''Pickle Man:''' What, you like pickles? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah... I do not like pickles. 
'''Pickle Man:''' No pickles? 
'''Chris:''' And also particularly a guy in a pickle suit who tricked me on the internet pretending that he was Blanca! 
'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! 
'''Pickle Man:''' Who's Blanca? 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs/grunts* 
'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! See, he's a nice guy. 
'''Chris:''' (inaudible, but stressed as he moves closer to Emily) 
'''Pickle Man:''' I think you're making the lady uncomfortable there, Chris. 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs* I'm sorry, Emily. 
'''Emily:''' It's ok... I think I have... to go to the bathroom now... 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, go change my tampon. 
'''Chris:''' Oh boy. (indistinct) 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' (indistinct) ...but I guess I do now. 
'''Emily:''' *attempting to brush him off* OK, well it was nice meeting you... maybe we'll talk online or something. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah well... I kinda... (indistinct) 
'''Pickle Man:''' (as they continue trying to walk away) Well, we're going to go now. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah well... 
'''Emily:''' I'm going to the bathroom. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, either of- (to Pickle Man) you're not going where she's going... 
'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, we're- we're leaving together. 
'''Chris:''' Are you with her? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Now we are. We're going to go see Watchmen. 
'''Chris:''' No! N- no! She's going b- you gotta go back to West Virginia, don't you. 
'''Pickle Man:''' We're going to go see Watchmen first. 
'''Emily:''' I'm kinda- just- gonna- Watchmen's not that long of a movie. 
'''Chris:''' *suddenly concerned for Emily* Yeah, but you got a five hour drive! 
'''Emily:''' *dismissively* It'll be ok. 
The Pickle Man and Chris indistinctly carry on a short dialogue. The Pickle Man seems to be asking Chris why he is following along, and Chris replies: 
'''Chris:''' I'm just staying close to my friends 
'''Emily:''' Alright, see ya! 

===(01:25:29 - 01:29:34)===

{{Transcription}}

===A Precious Farewell (01:29:35 - 01:31:10)===

'''Pickle Man:''' So, you ready to go? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, my car's that way. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, her car's... Your car's (inaudible) didn't you? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, so did I. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, you did? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Which (inaudible)? 
'''Chris:''' Tha- that way. 
'''Emily:''' Oh... I'm over there. 
'''Chris:''' Oh. (continues walking alongside Pickle Man and Emily) 
'''Emily:''' Chris... you don't need to walk me to my car. 
'''Chris:''' Okaaay. 
'''Emily:''' This is... Alright. 
'''Chris:''' So, you have yourself a safe trip back to uhh... West Virginia. 
'''Emily:''' Oh... (feigning cheerfulness) okay! I might call you on Skype later. 
'''Chris:''' Okay, you take care. 
'''Emily:''' You too. 
'''Chris:''' Hey... (attempts to hug and kiss Emily) 
'''Emily:''' (tries to avoid Chris) No... no... no thank you! (nervous laughter) No thank you. 
'''Chris:''' (Chris gives up) Okay. 
'''Emily:''' Alright, see you. 
'''Chris:''' Alright, well you take care, be safe. 
'''Emily:''' Alright, you too. 
(8 seconds pass as Pickle Man and Emily walk away from Chris)
'''Chris:''' (yelling from a distance) HE KNOWS CLYDE CASH! 
(laughter from Pickle Man and Emily)
'''Emily:''' (laughing) Mission accomplished! 
'''Pickle Man:''' Is he gone yet? 
'''Emily:''' I don't know, let me look behind. 
'''Pickle Man:''' (inaudible) I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry. I'm so sorry. 
'''Emily:''' That's okay!. (inaudible) worse than me... 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm so sorry. 
'''Emily:''' That's okay. 
'''Pickle Man:''' (inaudible) 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay... (inaudible) man in the pickle suit? 
'''Emily:''' (laughs) 
'''Pickle Man:''' (laughingly says something about Clyde Cash) 
'''Emily:''' (laughs) Wait there... there's Frosty. 
'''Pickle Man:''' What? 
'''Emily:''' Looks like he's gone now. I'm gonna go tell him what happened. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. 
'''Emily:''' (presumably walking to see Frosty) Yes! Still recording!

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?hgz03i1wj4n The Date Audio]

[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Trolling]]

Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2010-03-04T04:37:31Z

Llort: /* Transcript */ full copy edit of "Prelude"

In [[March 2009]], [[Chris]] went on his first, and only date ever with a [[troll]] called [[Emily]]. For posterity's sake, the event was recorded, and is now presented in text format for your enjoyment, here.

The voices heard in the recording are that of an elite crack team of courageous trolls and trollettes.

==Cast==

'''Frosty:''' A whiz kid, his high-tech know-how keeps the group online.

'''Camwhore:''' "Emily's friend", her mission is to capture video of the event.

'''Emily:''' Queen of trolls, she risks both life and limb on a plunge into the heart of darkness.

'''Pickle Man:''' Brave and daring hero, he protects Emily from certain peril.

'''Chris:''' Misshapen manchild, his disgusting nature seeps into the very recording of his voice.

'''Bob:''' [[Bob|Robert Chandler]], the proud Internet lumberjack, yet also slave to the manchild.

==Transcript==

Throughout the recording, a mall full of shoppers produces a background din.

===Prelude (0:00 - 3:12)===

'''Frosty:''' Okay… lock it? 
'''Frosty:''' Okay-- 
'''Camwhore:''' Are you wearing a thong? With a-- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' That better be fuckin' ''tight''. 
'''Emily:''' It's tight. 
'''Camwhore:''' That may pop out while you're walking around, while you're like-- 
'''Emily:''' I should be like-- 
'''Camwhore:''' Or a robotic vagina. 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' Say "It's my vibrator." 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' It's one of those things that you see taped to those-- those hentai-- 
'''Frosty:''' Well, the thing is, Chris-- he [unintelligible (but clearly imitating Chris's voice)] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] Ungh, ungh, ungh, ungh! 
'''Emily:''' Okay, if he get's, like, ''way'' too close to me, I'm just gonna be like-- get my chair farther away. 
'''Camwhore:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' I really like your [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [''laughs''] Maybe Barb-- Barbara can come. 
'''Emily:''' Apparently, she doesn't leave the house anymore. 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I'm just [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Frosty:''' There-- there are Barb candidates ''everywhere''. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' No, no, no, no, no, no. But-- but in all actuality, there should be no Barb; if there ''is'' Barb, I will shit myself. 
'''Emily:''' If there is Barb, we're-- we're done. 
'''Camwhore:''' We're not showing up. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' "You brought your mommy?" 
'''Emily:''' I should be like, "No – just put that shit in the bag, and we're not doing anything today." 
'''Camwhore:''' Yeah. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' That's it. 
'''Camwhore:''' And you can call him and be like "You owe me a ''dire'' apology, and you're the… jack-off--" 
'''Emily:''' No – I'm sure I'm gonna yell at him, and make him ''cry''. 
'''Frosty:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' And I'm gonna be like "Oh – I live in Clyde's playboy mansion now." [''laughs''] 
'''Frosty:''' No – even better! 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [aside] I'm waiting. 
'''Camwhore:''' I'm ''part'' of Clyde's playboy mansion. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' I'm the janitor. 
[''all laugh loudly''] 
'''Emily:''' Okay – let's go see if he's there. 
'''Camwhore:''' ''You'' go see if he's there. 
'''Emily:''' ''No!'' 'Cause-- 'cause it's-- 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible (but about "a girl")] 
'''Emily:''' 'Cause I'm gonna make it like an entrance, like… ''"Hiii!"'' 
'''Pickle Man:''' Did he say where [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' No. Like, he wants to be-- he wants to meet in front of Chick-Fil-A, so… 
'''Camwhore:''' Figures! But the ''general'' idea would be you park near where you wanna… go. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' What if that [inaudible] 
'''Emily:''' [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [aside] [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' Do you see those pile of balloons right there? Swear to God: it looks like a penis. 
'''Pickle Man:''' [inaudible] 
'''Camwhore:''' The balloons. Right here. 
'''Emily:''' Oh… [''laughs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' It's a fuckin' penis. 
[pause] 
'''Camwhore:''' Nope. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
[pause] 
'''Emily:''' [''sighs''] 
'''Camwhore:''' [''sighs''] 
[pause] 
'''Camwhore:''' There's that ugly bitch that looks like Hamster Girl… at Starbucks. 
'''Emily:''' [''chuckles''] 
'''Camwhore:''' She ''looks'' like Hamster Girl. 
'''Pickle Man:''' ''Which'' one looks like Hamster Girl? 
'''Camwhore:''' Right there. The only one that you can see working? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Oh – over at Starbucks? You should see her with that hair off. 
'''Camwhore:''' No, no, no. She looks like Hamster Girl. [inaudible] 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm telling you: you should see her with that hair off! 
'''Camwhore:''' Oh – she don't have no hair? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Um… 
'''Camwhore:''' Oh – she has a fake-- 
'''Pickle Man:''' She has fake hair, or… she has no hair… or the hair back like this. 
'''Camwhore:''' Well, yeah – I knew that. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Camwhore:''' I was gonna say: I don't-- I guess she dyed her hair blond. 'Cause I remember seeing her with some ugly, strange-colored hair.

===Target Spotted (3:13 - 4:46)===

Suddenly, the festive mood changes to dread as Chris appears, in full stalker regalia. 
'''Frosty:'''(Noticing Chris)There he is! 
'''Emily:''' (Panicking) Wut! 
'''Frosty:''' In the jacket 
'''Emily:''' (Panicking) omygod EJECT omygod! (as the realization of what is about to happen sets in)
Many voices here, possibly more than the four that were speaking in previously "In the jacket" "There he is". 
'''Frosty:''' Are you ready? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah I'm ready. *Nervous laugh/cry* This is going to be my best acting moment ever. 
'''Pickle Man:''' (inaudible) 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, Don't like, look, cause she has to get down first. 
'''Pickle Man:''' (inaudible) 
'''Frosty:''' He'll realize later, that's what it was. 
'''Camwhore:''' I don't feel bad 
'''Emily:''' Okay, but if he like, won't come around and-(interrupted) Huh? I don't have my phone. 

There is a short silence as everyone is overcome by the aura of the approaching manchild. 
'''Emily:''' (Nervously, under her breath) Oh my God.... 
Another pause. 
'''Emily:''' If this is going to goes all smoothly, I should get like...(trails off) 
'''Pickle Man:''' Where do I sit? 
'''Emily:''' Umm, there's some benches like by the table... oh, oh, oh no. 
'''Pickle Man:''' (inaudible) 
'''Emily:''' Okay, there's some benches like nearby... 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? 
'''Emily:''' Umm, just sit and watch them, talk and eat, then go change or whatever. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Well, okay. I (indistict) 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. I (indistict) 
'''Emily:''' *Takes a deep breath* Yeah. 
Emily begins to slowly walk twards her impending date with destiny as she gives instructions to the Pickle Man. 
'''Emily:''' or just kind of walk around and see if you can see us.

===The Date Begins (4:47 - 7:17)===

Emily parts with the Pickle Man and advances on the table. The hesitation in her step is audible, but she marches on, straight into the lions den. At 5:21 Emily contacts the target. 
'''Emily:''' ''[with tinge of disgust] Hi''... 
'''Chris:''' Are you Emily? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, I'm Emily... So nice to meet you. 
'''Chris:''' Hi Emily this is mah father Robert 
'''Bob:''' (Cheerfully) Hello! 
'''Emily:''' Hello 
A slight pause while they presumably shake hands. 
'''Emily:''' I've started shopping a little bit. 
'''Chris:''' thas alright 
'''Bob:''' You're from West Virgina? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, I use to live here for a while but then I- 
'''Chris:''' *interrupts with a single word* HAT! 
'''Emily:''' But then I moved to... 
'''Chris:''' *interrupts a second time* NEAT HAT! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah I thought you might like it. 
'''Chris:''' *laughs, amused by himself* heh heh 
'''Bob:''' You go to school over there? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, University of West Virgina, My friend -uh, wanted to go to school there and she's my best friend, so I have to go with her everywhere. *slightly nervous laugh* 
'''Bob:''' [cheerfully] That sounds like the best way to do things! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' *Butts in awkwardly* yeah hey Emily, do you mind a photo of you and me together? 
'''Emily:''' [genuinely excited] Sure! 
There is a short pause and Bob says something, it would seem a picture is taken. 
'''Bob:''' What are you taking? 
'''Emily:''' I'm doing journalism. 
'''Bob:''' [hard of hearing) Wha? 
'''Emily:''' Journalism. 
'''Bob:''' [teasingly] Journalism? Oh, you're going to be a writer! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! [giggles girlishly] 
'''Emily:''' I did a lot- 
'''Bob:''' He [Chris] has a [[Cole Smithey|half brother]], who's.... Who lives in New York City and uh... does Freelance Writing and Show Review and things... for newspapers and magazines. 
'''Emily:''' Is it- Does he love it? 
'''Bob:''' I guess... 
'''Emily:''' *Giggles girlishly again* 
'''Bob:''' I haven't talked to him in years... 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
'''Chris:''' *mumbles something under his breath* You haven't said anything about me, before. 
They take a few steps, and an extraordinarily unconformable silence falls. 
'''Bob:''' You know thats- I worked at uhh- I'm an engineer and engineers never learn how to spell. 
'''Emily:''' *Giggles girlishly yet again* 
'''Bob:''' I think very logically but I- 
'''Chris:''' *interrupts yet again* SHOOT! I got bad batteries in the camera. 
'''Emily:''' *Moans with disappointment* 
'''Bob:''' (Continues)If I would- If would write anything, half the words would be phonetically rather than the way we're suppose to. 
'''Emily:''' *laughs again, a little less enthusiastically* 
'''Bob:''' (Continues)I got along fine... writing stuff on my word processor... when I had spell check 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' (Continues)but I don't do that no more 
Bob emits a dry, finely-aged, man cackle. Chris is strangely quiet. 
'''Emily:''' Did you like doing engineering? 
'''Bob:''' Well, I had a really unique situation... 

===About Bob (7:18 - 16:45)===

Bob Pauses, and seems to weigh what he is about to say next. 
'''Bob:''' Look, uh... I'ma-I'm really old 
'''Emily:''' *laughs nervously* 
'''Bob:''' Okay, so- cause I'm 81 and I came along before transistors. 
'''Emily:''' *nods attentively* mm-hmm? 
'''Bob:''' (inaudible)the stuff we had now, but even before then. This is when we had vacuum tubes. And I uh... got drafted after World War II. That's how old-but uh... They put me in the Signal Corps and they knew things I didn't know. They taught me how to install valve systems and switchboard and telephone (Inaudible). So I found out, yeah, I'm pretty good at that. So when I got out.. course that was in 1947... found out now- I know we had a deflation economy, I didn't know it then- Couldn't get a job, So I thought "Well, I got the G.I. Bill. I'll go to school." 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, now it's really hard to become an engineer 
'''Bob:''' Eh, now ya- I, uh- I went to a State Union College(?) to start with cause I had the philosophy, that if I went to a big school I'd be just... swallowed up 
'''Emily:''' Yeah 
'''Bob:''' So I went to a small school and took Pre-Engineering for two years and that was the best thing I ever did. Cause I wound up... well- I got through my two years of Pre-Engineering in small classes. 
'''Emily:''' *nods attentively* mm-hmm 
'''Bob:''' And also I loved music, and I was in this band and everything. And I got the chance to learn a lot about music while I was there. And then I went to Alburn and it was- talk about getting swallowed up 
'''Emily:''' *Laughs Nervously* 
'''Bob:''' Then- At that time Alburn, which now has like thirty thousand students, or something. Alburn had about five thousand students. I got my engineering degree. And then when I got out, I said: "I'll, uh, I can do anything with relays and telephones and valve systems, and (another item, indistinct). I'm gonna work for Western Electric;-" 
'''Emily:''' *interjecting her agreement* mm-hmm 
'''Bob:''' "That seems logical...(cut off by Chris). 
'''Chris:''' *Interrupting, yet again* Yeah! Hey! No, you listen to my father. Because he's something; Because I get some of my intelligence from him. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Especially my tend-o-logical *phonetic spelling* intelligence. 
'''Bob:'''*Ignoring Chris' comments* But anyway, I, uh, I went to work for them for forty years, and, uh, at that point in time... (Pause) uh, This is even before the (indistinct), the I.C.B-(Emily laughs again, drowning him out). Before the Korean War, and, uh, but, I-I found out they were building radar systems. Well that was fine, but I thought they had lots of available money, and they wanted to automatic (indistinct). At that time, nothing was automatic. They had none. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' So, that's what I come and build 'em. (Indistinct) what I learned in the army. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I started working with the first automatic (death storm?), that we ever made. And then GE heard about it, and they came down to help them with the (boat?), in North Carolina. And the GE came down, they offered me a job up in upstate New York. Cold country in Utica. 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs at what Bob said) 
'''Bob:''' And, uh, I went down to build the automatic (indistinct). 
'''Emily:''' mm-hmm 
'''Bob:'''Nobody knows how, because we haven't done it before. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:'''We found something with automatic (indistinct), down here. Why don't you come up there? Well, okay. So, I went up there, for three years, and helped develop the, uh, automatic (indistinct) but I got, I was a soldier (indistinct) 'cause I was born in Texas and raised in Alabama. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' And then I was in North Carolina, first. And then I hit upstate New York, and I froze to death.(Chuckles) 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, that would be really differ-eh-eh-heh-heh-heh. (Emily laughingly responds) 
'''Bob:''' After three years, I said: "I'm going back to (indistinct)GE. I didn't know it then, but I had a real natural draw to the mountains. 
'''Emily:''' mm-hmm 
'''Bob:''' And I knew about (indistinct) So, I wanted to come back to (indistinct). See, we have plants there...and them there plants specialized in industrial automation. Except, they hadn't done any automation yet. They were just industrial controlled. So, I finagled a transfer back to (indistinct) and I got there just at the time, when they were startin' to make any kind of automation controls. So, I got into what they call "a new business area." And I got to do all the great things. All my, I-I really had it right. I was in the right places, at the right time. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. (Giggles Girlishly) 
'''Bob:'''Because, I am very logically inclined. 
'''Emily:''' That doesn't really happen these days, with the economy. 
'''Bob:'''Yeah. I'm a logician. Oddly enough, I never learned how a transistor even works on (records?). But, I use em' all the time. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:'''I use 'em. I'm retired now, long time. But when I started out with this group, and the first thing we got into was trying to automate a steel mill, for rolling (painted?) steel for your cars. And when we did that,and then I got into how to roll papers so you could get Kleenex. 
'''Emily:''' (More Girlish Giggling) 
'''Chris:''' And, of course you know, that he's the guy that designed the controls for all the plastic water machines! (Bob starts to say something, but Chris plows right along.) So, without him at this time, you couldn't have the plastic through your glasses. 
'''Bob:''' And-and then then I got into- I was in the new business area, you know? We could do the first one, and then somebody else would take over and do the others. 
'''Emily:''' mm-hmm 
'''Bob:''' And then I got into (managing?) a paper mill. And then I got into the...industry of-of, uh, like (low-line?) warehousing, automatic transition, like BART. Bay Area Rapid Transit. 
'''Emily:''' mm-hmm 
'''Bob:''' Automatic railroads, and all that kind of stuff. Automated a bunch of that, then I got into automating a bunch of (mine horses?), around the world. 
'''Emily:''' You've been through a lot! 
'''Bob:''' And the I went to do the automating of tanker ships, so you could run 'em from the bridge, and have nobody downstairs. 
'''Emily:''' (Even More Girlish Giggling) 
'''Bob:''' Just someone else involved- 
Unable to hold his tongue any longer, Chris cuts off his father and leaps into the conversation. He then breathes noisily and asks Emily: 
'''Chris:''' Want some water? 
'''Emily:''' No, thank-you. 
'''Bob:''' And, uh, then, uh, then, um, I got into...I developed (indistinct). I found out that there were very few people like me, in the world, who had this natural inclination for logic. Anyway, like the ands, and ors, and the what if's, and the what if's. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:'''And then that developed because (indistinct). 
'''Emily:''' uh-huh. 
'''Bob:''' Hardware oriented (Y2k pile of junk. ???) 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' Similar fortune was in hardware. 
'''Chris:''' Hey, you have very pretty hair 
'''Emily:''' (To Bob) Oh, okay. (To Chris) Oh, thank you. 
Bob starts speaking, but Chris talks over him, making what they say incomprehensible. It seems that Bob is continuing with his life's story, and that Chris is complimenting Emily. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) Thank you. 
'''Bob:''' -One of my neighbors was in the Navy too,but I was lazy 
'''Emily:''' mm-hmm 
'''Bob:''' -was to right down on paper, and design on paper right from the start (indistinct) a sequence of parallel lines. 
'''Emily:''' mm-hmm 
'''Bob:''' And up to that point, nobody had a way of writing it down on paper. 
'''Emily:''' (Unsuccessfully attempts to stifle a laugh) 
'''Bob:''' They still don't! (indistinct) 
'''Emily:''' yeah. 
'''Bob:''' But that hadn't come to mind, I designed the (mine-hose component?) Elevator (indistinct) 5000 ft hole. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' Then I got into, uh, designing scooter machines, which fused, um, plastic around wires, and things like that. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' --Scooters. And then I got into die cast machines, and the machines automating them. They make things like carburetors, and cans, and whatever. And then I got into plastics (indistinct) automating their machines. In the process, I ended up with a patent, in my name, that they own. (Indistinct) And I saw the first two liter Coke bottle (Emily Chortles) come off the line in England. (indistinct) shutters, and stuff like that, made out of plastic. All this stuff we got plastic. 
'''Chris:''' Like your frames! 
'''Emily:''' Yep!(Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' Including, uh, Tupperware. 
'''Emily:''' (Uncertainly) Can't...go without Tupperware. 
'''Bob:''' No, and that's why I (Indistinct) finalized and perfected, basically, this whole polar (indistinct) 
'''Emily:''' mm-hmm 
'''Bob:''' design, and documentation. It came time for me to retire. And so, I did! 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) 
'''Bob:''' And now I'm inundated, with all this stuff I did, and I don't know if I did the world a good thing, or not. 
'''Emily:''' (Jumping to Bob's defence) I think you did! You did a lot of things. 
'''Bob:''' But I can't, I can't spell the word "CAT," without a "K" in it. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) (Writing Emily's lines is a breeze. You just have to copy and paste the same four responses over and over again.)
'''Chris:''' Aw, yeah, well you know, I'm proud of him, anyway, for his accompliment, accom-PLISH-ments. 
'''Emily:''' uh-huh 
'''Bob:''' (Referring to Chris) He's got a half-brother who (Indistinct)- 
'''Chris:''' (Referring to the parentage of the fore-mentioned half-brother) His son. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Bob:''' and he's got a, I have a daughter (Indistinct) Phi Beta Kappa, out of UVA. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Bob:''' She's working for the government. She's got a PHD, now. She's working somewhere for the federal government, all those math people. I dunno.

===Raising Chris-Chan (16:46 - 00:00)===

'''Emily:''' I'm not very good at math. (Girlishly Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' I'm not that-I'm good at logic, but not at math. 
'''Chris:''' I'm good at math! 
'''Bob:''' He's not good at math, when it comes to managing money. 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' Hey, look it! I have YOUR plastic lid on it! 
Chris and Emily share a giggle over the humor of this statement. 
'''Bob:''' We've been working with him, now, for twenty seven years. (It was a job/challenge?) Most of the time, I've been retired, so I could (coach him?). 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, usually if you're not very good at math, you're really good at writing, which is why I'm going for journalism. 
'''Bob:''' Well, uh, I uh do alright with writing as long as I got spell check. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' I just, uh, I enjoyed my life it, uh I-I had things, I had opportunities most people don’t get. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I’ve got to see all the stuff (Indistinct) 
'''Emily:''' That’s gooood, I hope that I can travel all around the world and you know, write in journalism..like overseas. 
'''Bob:''' I’ve been to Australia, I’ve been to Korea, I've been to England, most people that I know have never been to (Indistinct) so they write(?) for a living 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' (Indistinct) I wish I could get find out what good he can do though he’s pretty good in drawing 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' -and writing 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, she-she-she you-you should know, you’ve seen a bunch ah my artwork. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah it’s really good! All-all my friends like it as well. 
'''Bob:''' He’s creative, but he’s uh , I-I guess you know he’s high functioning autistic and, uh- 
'''Chris''' and 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' At six he couldn’t even talk but he was programming(?) (indistinct, possibly AMIGA?) computers and Commodore computers. 
'''Chris:''' Commodore 64. 
'''Bob:''' (Laughs) which was his first little-- 
'''Emily:''' Oh! I don’t know that much about computers (Giggle) Sorry! (Giggle) 
'''Bob:''' You’ve probably got a laptop, with a word processor. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… 
'''Chris:''' Yeah-yeah, but you- 
'''Bob:''' We’ve brought him a long way. It’s been interesting. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, that’s a little piece of history you can write about, if you want to. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, that would be interesting. 
Chris takes over for half a second. 
'''Chris:''' Anyways, you came all the way here from VCU? Or, did you make a few stops along the way? 
'''Emily:''' No, I came all the way from VCU, um, like a lot of my friends over at VCU know about the whole Sonichu thing, but there’s a lot more. Like, uh, I guess Sonichu girls? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah... 
'''Emily:''' --up in University of West Virginia and we kinda do a newsletter type thing every week 
'''Chris:''' Wow… 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' This is one of my favorite spots in the country. 
'''Chris:''' I commend you for that. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' --little trees on west avenue. 
'''Emily:''' uh-huh 
'''Bob:''' Have you heard about West Avenue? 
'''Emily:''' mm-hmm 
'''Bob:''' You know where West Avenue is? 
'''Emily:''' mm-hmm 
'''Bob:''' You know where west avenue is? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, a little bit, but I don’t go in that area. 
'''Bob:''' Then are you from VCU then? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, (laughing this off) I don’t know that area very well. 
'''Bob:''' It’s a little town(house?)…only three blocks long and it’s got a second name, called: “Fork Avenue.” 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' Every spring they have a Fork Avenue (rally?) 
'''Emily:''' Uh-oh 
'''Bob:''' at the same time they have the easter parade over on Monument Avenue. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, I’ve never seen it before, but my friends have told me about it, but I’m usually stuck in you know...college. 
'''Bob:''' --in Richmond uh 1975 thru 1980 and then I got married to his mother and, um, he was born. Then we got transferred over here and we moved to Chesterfield county …but I love West Avenue that’s my favorite spot. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' I call it Sesame Street. 
'''Emily:''' Oh that’s--(giggles) 
'''Bob:''' They call itself now cause there’s too many kids. 
'''Emily:''' Oh yeah…? 
'''Bob:''' I-I love Virginia. His mother was raised, oh you wouldn’t believe it, raised in (Indistinct) and was the one who decided to move 
'''Emily:''' uh-huh 
'''Bob:''' right there on and uh can’t remember the name of that school the one that goes (Indistinct) on (Indistinct) street. 
'''Emily:''' I don’t really know the streets. 
'''Bob:''' well there’s a street (on a?) Burger King right down the street from there is where uh his mother lived for twenty years and raised her first son and he’s got a lot of ties to the family too, he just doesn’t like me. 
'''Emily:''' Ohh, you guys have a big family? 
'''Bob:''' Well, uh, we’ve got my son and my daughter; my son’s in Richmond and my daughter’s in Washington. 
'''Emily:''' mm-hmm 
'''Bob:''' And then you’ve got her son, who lives in New York, and then there’s the three of us. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, sure is a big family. 
'''Bob:''' We’ve really got two separate families. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, but it’s not as big as the Brady BunCH! 
'''Emily:''' Yeah.(Giggle) no... 
'''Bob:''' We-we-we enjoy it and I grow flowers. I don’t have to worry about making a living anymore. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Social Security, GE pension and GE is good and sound, so what’s it to me? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' I grow (Indistinct) of it. I’ve got my yard for (Indistinct) And in the middle I’ve got a um about a 12 to 15 flat greenhouse. 
'''Emily:''' Oh? 
'''Bob:''' Inside the greenhouse it’s different. 
'''Emily:''' mm-hmm 
'''Bob:''' Inside the greenhouse, there’s plastic flowers. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, plastic flowers? 
'''Bob:''' --swaying and all my stereo stuff. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, but he’s got real flowers in his garden. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, oh okay. 
'''Bob:''' The day lillies are real in the garden inside (Indistinct) it’s all flat. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, day lillies bloom about once a year du-duri-about once this summer. 
'''Bob:''' –summer. 
'''Emily:''' Oh... 
Bob continues to talk but Chris talks over him 22:33. 
'''Chris:''' And dey stay that way for about a month or so. It’s a beautiful garden 
'''Emily:''' I can imagine. 
'''Bob:''' I’ve got about fifteen thousand healthy-- 
'''Chris:''' (high pitched/dreamily/wistfully/CREEPILY) IMAGINE. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' I love all the music from Rick and Rick Van Swing. 
'''Chris:''' Raise me on music, he did! 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) 
'''Bob:''' --musical soundtracks 
'''Emily:''' Well, what’s your favorite artist? 
'''Chris:''' Uh, my favorite artist…well, he didn’t raise me on it, but you know my favorite singer is Britney Spears. 
'''Emily:''' Britney Spears? 
'''Bob:''' You’ve got all my (Indistinct) back in the 30’s and 40’s and 20‘s.. 
'''Emily:''' And he’s into more modern pop music? 
'''Chris:''' Well, if I guess I had to pick a classic favorite it would have to be SATCHMO. 
'''Emily:''' SATCHMO? 
'''Chris:''' Louis Armstrong. 
'''Bob:''' (Indistinct) you’ve got all these classics now- 
'''Chris:''' (23:19-interupts with an impersonation of Louis Armstrong) TEN FEET UP THE GRAND BU BUH BUH BEH 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' It was in the 40’s when it came out on the European market was lacking. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' Back in the 40’s when it came out (Indistinct) and now you’ve got to make good will and salvation army. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Bob:''' (Indistinct) 
'''Emily:''' YeeAAh 
'''Bob:''' THOUSANDS of them now. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Bob:''' And inside, I found out inside the greenhouse going soon the (complete rules of society are turned around?) I found a great stereo system in the 1970’s and put it out there along with my swing. 
'''Emily:''' uh-huh 
'''Bob:''' You can turn the volume up, and it sounds like it’s the hall where they recorded it. I go out there and swing with the music. 
'''Emily:''' What? (Bob laughs) It must be really relaxing(24:19)

===In which Chris impersonates Donald Duck (32:01 - 36:48)===

After more of Bob's life story, Chris orders Bob to retrieve food for them, and continues his conversation with Emily. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, I must say you look good. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, thank you. 
'''Chris:''' You know, you’re the first female Sonichu fan that has actually come a long distance to see me. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, its not that far. I’m sure maybe some of the girls from VCU would come down sometime, like maybe during summer break. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, but I mean at least all the way from West Virginia, I mean that’s farther than VCU. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, (Laughs) we might take a road trip down here. 
'''Chris:''' (Speaking in a sing-song voice) Take a road trip, its a little road trip… 
'''Emily:''' (Confused laugh) 
(Here Chris graces Emily with his Donald Duck Impression, which is difficult to convey in writing) 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) Is that the one that scared that child? 
'''Chris:''' Er- 
'''Emily:''' At Wendy’s… 
'''Chris:''' Uh… 
'''Emily:''' I don’t know how that’s scary- 
'''Chris:''' (Talking over her) No, not really scary, you see he was tired… 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay so you- 
'''Chris:'''(Interrupting)Yeah. But it makes a lot of children smile, ‘cause they’re familiar with that classic Disney character. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Y-you don’t mind if I have my hand on your shoulder… 
'''Emily:''' Uh, not for too long… 
'''Chris:''' (Chuckles) 
'''Emily:''' Oookay, n-not for too long… 
'''Chris:''' Okay… heh, this is like, wow, I finally get, like, this beautiful girl in front of me. 
'''Emily:''' (Nervous laughter) Thank you. 
'''Chris:''' And she actually got to know me. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Just like you know, yeah. (Changing subject abruptly) So what’s the reason you need your glasses for? I’m nearsighted myself. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah I’m nearsighted as well. I don’t have very good eyes. 
'''Chris:''' Its like, you know, we’re close so we don’t need glasses to see each other, do we? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah… no, its still blurry. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah… How do you look without that hat? I mean I like to see the, uh 
'''Emily:''' I like this hat. My hair doesn’t look good today. 
'''Chris:''' Oh. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Your hair doesn’t look good… are you sure? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. I’m sure. (Giggles) 
'''Chris:''' How’s my hair look? 
'''Emily:''' It looks good! 
'''Chris:''' That’s good. (Indistinct) sleeping against pillows and I took a shower before, before I went – crashing on the couch. 
'''Emily:''' Oh. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah but I put on some, buh, er, some Axe body spray before I left… do you like that smell? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, it depends on which one it is. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Which one is it? 
'''Chris:''' I believe its, uh, called 'Proximity.' 
'''Emily:''' Oh, I really like the new chocolate one 
'''Chris:''' Oh, the uh 'Dark Temptation.' 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' I was running low on that can anyway. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' Its like I, if I – If I – If I – (laughs, stutters indistinctly) – gotten more of that. 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' (sighs) But seriously though, you are cute. 
'''Emily:''' Ah, thank you. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I like the - I like this – I like the get-up you’re wearing. Its like you – like you came straight from, uh the PGSM… show. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, yeah. (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' (Indistinct)Like a live action Sailor Moon. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, I’ve seen some of the episodes for that. 
'''Chris:''' I’ve got the entire series saved to my Playstation 3, including the, uh, wedding episode. 
'''Emily:''' I don’t think I’ve seen that one. 
'''Chris:''' Its like, uh, a very special last episode. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, okay. 
'''Chris:''' You actually get to see (Japanese name) and, uh, I forget his name but you know – 
'''Emily:''' Uh, (Japanese name)? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, (Japanese name), that’s it, you got it. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' You got it. 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' You got it. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, I used to be a really big fan of Sailor Moon, well, I still am, I’m just not as big of a fan as nowadays. 
'''Chris:''' did you see the entire anime series? 
'''Emily:''' Um, I haven’t seen the last season. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, Sailor Stars. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. ‘cause it didn’t come out in America, and they’re, like, afraid of the transsexuals. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' (Giggles) 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Yeah I know – I know that. But I have that on DVD, you know, with Japanese audio and English subtitles. 
'''Emily:''' How do you feel about that? Like, the transsexuals and the (indistinct)? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. Um… 
'''Emily:''' Does it, like, make you uncomfortable, or, would you have minded if, like, it came out on TV Shows to, like, little kids? 
'''Chris:''' Uh… Yeah… I don’t have much of an opinion… (Laughs nervously) 
'''Emily:''' (Laughs) Its kind of a sketchy subject there. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah its… its itchy. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
(Brief awkward pause, punctuated by Emily laughing) 
'''Chris:''' Yeah but you can sketch a lot in your, uh, journalism, don'tcha? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. Well, we don’t draw a lot, we just – we do like little outlines and then we start writing- 
'''Chris:''' (Interrupting) I mean you, I mean you sketch your letters. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' I bet you sketch your signature pretty. Don’t you? 
'''Emily:''' No, I thinks its, uh, its basically a bunch of scribbles. (Laughs) 
'''Chris:''' Ah, a lot of people would say that about their signatures I’m sure. 
'''Emily:''' Well some people just like put an X for their signature and that’s it. 
'''Chris:''' Eh, but not you. You put… 
'''Emily:''' An ‘E’ and an ‘S’ basically. (Giggles) 
'''Chris:''' Uh, uh, an ‘S’?. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, Emily Schiflet(?) 
'''Chris:''' Oh, that’s your last name, Schiflet(?) 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, my middle name’s Julia. 
'''Chris:''' Joolia? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Emily Julia Schiflet. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. Flows nicely, doesn’t it? 
'''Chris:''' Its beautiful. 
'''Emily:''' Aw, thank you. 
'''Chris:''' Do you dot your ‘I’ in ‘Julia’ with a heart? 
'''Emily:''' No. (Giggles) 
Bob Returns. 
'''Chris:''' All right dad, I’ll let you, uh, divvy up the spaghetti onto my plate

===A Walk to Remember (01:14:23 - 01:21:43)===

Chris and Emily awkwardly leave Bob who continues to ramble as they clomp off through the mall. 
'''Bob:''' Take care. 
'''Chris:''' Alright come on, Emily, let's, let's walk... 
Bob babbles on about sending something. 
'''Emily:'''Okay... okay, you can show me around the mall... 
'''Chris:''' Okay! Here's our... heights... You... you come to just about my eyeline. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous tittering* 
They walk quietly for a moment as Chris mutters something quietly. 
'''Chris:''' *sigh* So where you li... where do you usually like to go shopping at when you're at a shopping center? 
'''Emily:''' *impatiently* Clothes stores. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, they have a number of clothing stores in, uh... 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
'''Chris:''' ...a J.C. Penney and a Sears, among other places that uh, more name brands... 
'''Emily:''' Yeah a lot of the stores here are, if you take a look, take a look at the prices and they're pretty expensive. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah... Yeah... but, you know, they used to ha- they used to have a Kay-Bee Toys here and I- that's where I got my- turns out- my thousand dollar shopping spree I won around the... around the Adventures- the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog... 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh. 
'''Chris:''' That sweepstakes, you might remember I put something about that... 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' ...you might remember that, uh, news clip... 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! I've seen it. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah... 
Chris nervously takes a few steps. 
'''Chris:''' Wow... you're like... I'm sorry. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' I'm just fascinated like... you're just like... a character from PGSM or from- came all the way from Japan- just leapt out of my television! 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* No I'm definitely all American. 
'''Chris:''' You're all American. 
'''Emily:''' I'm all American. 
'''Chris:''' Okay- so it's just- it's just your eyes that are excepting. 
'''Emily:''' *shameless subject change* Yeah... so what's your favorite store here? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah it's- currently, since they took away the toy store- I think it's- I would say it's mostly Gamestop, but I also go to the bookstore or Sears, or even the Spencer's that's down on the other side of the mall. And they used to have an FYE here, which was a Suncoast before- before it- before they all merged and became an FYE, but then they closed that to make the next business here. 
'''Emily:''' What's down the other way... cause I've been... I came down this way, but I haven't been down that way. 
'''Chris:''' Okay, we'll go down that way! Alright. I hope- Hope you don't mind me sticking around your left side... 
'''Emily:''' *bravely* Okay, that's fine! 
'''Chris:''' I mean, I guess I should keep my hands to myself and behave, right? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, you should probably do that. 
'''Chris:''' I mean, I'm just trying to be friendly. 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' But, you know, not- but you know- respectful- touch you gently on the shoulder or the back- 
'''Emily:''' *vomitously* Yeah... 
'''Chris:''' I mean at least I'm not that guy from Inuyasha that... go- eh- go for the bum. 
'''Emily:''' *vomitously* Yeah... 
'''Chris:''' Heh-heh, that's funny. Always get slapped in the face, he does. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
'''Chris:''' I forget his name, I think it's Mamoru, or something like that 
'''Emily:''' Uh.... it's Miroku. 
'''Chris:''' *talking over her* Do you watch Inuyasha? Yeah, Miroku, that was it, you hi- you hit it on the head right there... 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
Emily awkwardly walks several steps... 
'''Emily:''' *delaying* Is that the... food court there? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah that's basically the food court. 
'''Emily:''' OK... 
'''Chris:''' Yeah it use- it used to have McDonalds here- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
'''Chris:''' ...soooo many years ago across from the Gamestop there, back then it was called Babbages... 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
'''Chris:''' And then between them and Suncoast was FunCo Land and Software Etc. and they all merged into a Ga- they all merged into Gamestop 
'''Emily:''' Oh... never heard about that... 
'''Chris:''' Yeah... I'm sh- I'm sh- I'm sure you must've at least noticed those game stores back in your youth- 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... I play video games sometimes, but not very often... 
'''Salesman:''' HELLO WOULD YOU LIKE HARAAGARALABHGH 
'''Emily:''' Oh, no thank you! 
'''Chris:''' No thank you! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah... right over- see- where that *unintelligble name of store*, that's where PacSun used to be, where Anna McLerran 
'''Emily:''' Oh yeah... I've... I've heard of her as well... 
'''Chris:''' Yeah... 
'''Emily:''' Is she still around? 
'''Chris:''' No she, uh- moved to Utah. 
'''Emily:''' Utah... 
'''Chris:''' She's a Mormon. Found that out after I met her. But we cam- but we- but we could became good friends and I gave her, uh, you know, gave her a going away/birthday party before she left for Utah... 
'''Emily:''' Uh-huh! 
'''Chris:''' For her 20th birthday... and actually her- actual- and actually her friends, uh, her friends and I got together and put together the party. *emphatically* I k- I bought the cake. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, that's nice of you... and... there was also Megan. Do you keep in contact with her? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah uh... no, not-no-n-n-not-been-touch with her for a long time. 
'''Emily:''' Oh... 
'''Chris:''' That's cause she moved to another state. 
'''Emily:''' Oh... did she move to Utah too? 
'''Chris:''' Uh, no, I don't think she moved to Utah, I don't even remember where she moved to. 
'''Emily:''' Oh... 
'''Chris:''' But you know, sometimes, I, uh, I dream I'm back in uh, Manchester High, you know, I get to see all my- all my old s- c- all my old friends... there. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
'''Chris:''' Sometimes I even see Megan and John in there... John's her brother... 
'''Emily:''' Oh ok... 
'''Chris:''' Can you believe that, attending Manchester High like I was back then, 
'''Emily:''' *small laughter* 
'''Chris:''' ...but yet they never went- they never been- they never been to Manchester High, neither of them. Isn't that... kinda funny? 
'''Emily:''' *slightly sarcastically* Yeah... that is kinda funny! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah... FYE was over there... 
'''Emily:''' Oh... I guess it's becoming a LensCrafters? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, I guess... anyway here's the Spencer's. 
'''Emily:''' Oh... 
'''Chris:''' If you like looking at the, uh, naughty stuff- 
'''Emily:''' *quickly* No, I'm not into that. 
'''Chris:''' Not yet anyway! *laughs* 
'''Emily:''' *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' Ah, but you might. But it's mostly humorous, anyway. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... well... doesn't look like there's anything down here... 
'''Chris:''' Yeah... not much... not much to look at around here... the toy stores around here are down here... 
'''Emily:''' Oh... well I gotta get going soon, it's gonna be a long drive! 
'''Chris:''' Long drive... 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
'''Chris:''' Well I hope, uh, you at least, uh, keep the memories we've shared... 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
'''Chris:''' Yeah I'll walk you to your car, if you want... 
'''Emily:''' No, I'll probably have to go to the bathroom first... it's that time of the month... 
'''Chris:''' Oh. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, when you're on your, uh, period... 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... *nervous laughter* 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, you know, aside from the, uh, first time, uh, meeting, this first meeting, uh, how do you feel about me? In general... 
'''Emily:''' You're a really nice guy! 
'''Chris:''' Thank you... 
'''Emily:''' I don't know why people pick on you and all that... 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, they should get to know me in person... 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
'''Chris:''' I mean I'm a gentleman, I behave... behave... 
'''Emily:''' *steering the beast* Have you been into any of these stores over here?

===Meet the Pickle (01:21:44 - 01:25:29)===

'''Pickle Man:''' (inaudible) Yeah, so, um, you wouldn't want to go see Watchmen, would you? 
'''Chris:''' Uh... no. 
'''Emily:''' I'd see that movie. 
'''Chris:''' *shocked* Uh... any particular reason why you're dressed up like that? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Not in particular. 
'''Chris:''' Come on, Emily. 
'''Emily:''' What? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Hey, hey, maybe the lady wants to go with me. Ya, ya want to go see Watchmen? Lots of, uh... 
'''Emily:''' *gloating* Why, what's wrong? 
'''Chris:''' The man in the pickle suit... a- it's apparent this guy's amongst the... trolls. 
'''Pickle Man:''' You think... 
'''Emily:''' What's a tro... 
'''Pickle Man:''' (inaudible) 
'''Passerby:''' Sir... sir, what are you? 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm a pickle. 
'''Passerby:''' You're a pickle! I love pickles. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yeah? Pickles are pretty cool. 
'''Passerby:''' And who are you advertising with? 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm not really advertising. 
'''Passerby:''' You're just dressed for fun? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Just bored. 
'''Chris:''' Dressed as a pickle to HAUNT ME. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Excuse me? I don't even know you. 
'''Passerby:''' You're just bored? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Yep! 
'''Chris:''' *questioningly* You don't even know me... are you sure... do you have internet access? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Lots of people have internet access. 
'''Chris:''' Do you know Sonichu and Rosechu? 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. 
'''Chris:''' Do you know about Encyclopedia Dramatica? 
'''Pickle Man:''' No, I do not. (turning to Emily) Want to go see Watchmen? 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs* No, no, no, she's with- 
'''Emily:''' Alright! 
'''Chris:''' ...she's h- she's headed over to- she's heading back to her home town. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, Watchmen would be pretty cool. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, it would be pretty cool! 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, alright, uh... 
'''Emily:''' Let's go see it! 
'''Pickle Man:''' (inaudible) 
'''Emily:''' Yeah? 
'''Pickle Man:''' (to Emily as they turn to leave together) You've probably seen Watchmen (he refers to the novel), haven't you? 
'''Chris:''' (answering the question meant for Emily as he is clearly left behind) I've heard of Watchmen... 
'''Pickle Man:''' *laughs at Chris* 
'''Emily:''' Yeah! 
'''Chris:''' (inaudible, but clearly saying something to the effect that he doesn't like the Pickle Man.) 
'''Emily:''' *gloating* What's wrong with him? 
'''Pickle Man:''' What, you like pickles? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah... I do not like pickles. 
'''Pickle Man:''' No pickles? 
'''Chris:''' And also particularly a guy in a pickle suit who tricked me on the internet pretending that he was Blanca! 
'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! 
'''Pickle Man:''' Who's Blanca? 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs/grunts* 
'''Emily:''' There's nothing wrong with him! See, he's a nice guy. 
'''Chris:''' (inaudible, but stressed as he moves closer to Emily) 
'''Pickle Man:''' I think you're making the lady uncomfortable there, Chris. 
'''Chris:''' *stress sighs* I'm sorry, Emily. 
'''Emily:''' It's ok... I think I have... to go to the bathroom now... 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, go change my tampon. 
'''Chris:''' Oh boy. (indistinct) 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' (indistinct) ...but I guess I do now. 
'''Emily:''' *attempting to brush him off* OK, well it was nice meeting you... maybe we'll talk online or something. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah well... I kinda... (indistinct) 
'''Pickle Man:''' (as they continue trying to walk away) Well, we're going to go now. 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah well... 
'''Emily:''' I'm going to the bathroom. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, uh, either of- (to Pickle Man) you're not going where she's going... 
'''Pickle Man:''' Uh, we're- we're leaving together. 
'''Chris:''' Are you with her? 
'''Pickle Man:''' Now we are. We're going to go see Watchmen. 
'''Chris:''' No! N- no! She's going b- you gotta go back to West Virginia, don't you. 
'''Pickle Man:''' We're going to go see Watchmen first. 
'''Emily:''' I'm kinda- just- gonna- Watchmen's not that long of a movie. 
'''Chris:''' *suddenly concerned for Emily* Yeah, but you got a five hour drive! 
'''Emily:''' *dismissively* It'll be ok. 
The Pickle Man and Chris indistinctly carry on a short dialogue. The Pickle Man seems to be asking Chris why he is following along, and Chris replies: 
'''Chris:''' I'm just staying close to my friends 
'''Emily:''' Alright, see ya! 

===Emily Rides the Red Tide (01:25:29 - 01:29:34)===

{{incomplete}}

===A Precious Farewell (01:29:35 - 01:31:10)===

'''Pickle Man:''' So, you ready to go? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah, my car's that way. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, her car's... Your car's (inaudible) didn't you? 
'''Emily:''' Yeah. 
'''Chris:''' Yeah, so did I. 
'''Emily:''' Oh, you did? 
'''Chris:''' Yeah. 
'''Emily:''' Which (inaudible)? 
'''Chris:''' Tha- that way. 
'''Emily:''' Oh... I'm over there. 
'''Chris:''' Oh. (continues walking alongside Pickle Man and Emily) 
'''Emily:''' Chris... you don't need to walk me to my car. 
'''Chris:''' Okaaay. 
'''Emily:''' This is... Alright. 
'''Chris:''' So, you have yourself a safe trip back to uhh... West Virginia. 
'''Emily:''' Oh... (feigning cheerfulness) okay! I might call you on Skype later. 
'''Chris:''' Okay, you take care. 
'''Emily:''' You too. 
'''Chris:''' Hey... (attempts to hug and kiss Emily) 
'''Emily:''' (tries to avoid Chris) No... no... no thank you! (nervous laughter) No thank you. 
'''Chris:''' (Chris gives up) Okay. 
'''Emily:''' Alright, see you. 
'''Chris:''' Alright, well you take care, be safe. 
'''Emily:''' Alright, you too. 
(8 seconds pass as Pickle Man and Emily walk away from Chris)
'''Chris:''' (yelling from a distance) HE KNOWS CLYDE CASH! 
(laughter from Pickle Man and Emily)
'''Emily:''' (laughing) Mission accomplished! 
'''Pickle Man:''' Is he gone yet? 
'''Emily:''' I don't know, let me look behind. 
'''Pickle Man:''' (inaudible) I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry. I'm so sorry. 
'''Emily:''' That's okay!. (inaudible) worse than me... 
'''Pickle Man:''' I'm so sorry. 
'''Emily:''' That's okay. 
'''Pickle Man:''' (inaudible) 
'''Emily:''' Yeah... 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay... (inaudible) man in the pickle suit? 
'''Emily:''' (laughs) 
'''Pickle Man:''' (laughingly says something about Clyde Cash) 
'''Emily:''' (laughs) Wait there... there's Frosty. 
'''Pickle Man:''' What? 
'''Emily:''' Looks like he's gone now. I'm gonna go tell him what happened. 
'''Pickle Man:''' Okay. 
'''Emily:''' (presumably walking to see Frosty) Yes! Still recording!

==External links==
* [http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?hgz03i1wj4n The Date Audio]

[[Category:Historical Documents]]
[[Category:Trolling]]

User talk:Champthom

2010-03-04T03:14:39Z

Llort:

Talk to me.

Be sure to check out the archives as well:

[[User:Champthom/Archive 1]] 
[[User:Champthom/Archive 2]] 
[[User:Champthom/Archive 3]] 
[[User:Champthom/Archive 4]]

==Upload page==
Thank you sir, your change is much appreciated. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 12:43, 20 December 2009 (CET)

==Sonichu Franchise Games==

How about this: [[User:Dude/Sonichu_Franchise_Games]]

...replace these:
*[[Sonichu (game)]]
*[[John's Custom Gundam: Sisterly Rescue]]
*[[Pokémon:_Lightning_Version]]
*[[Sonichu_Adventure]]
*[[Sonichu_Advance]]
*[[EX-CWC]]
--[[User:Dude|Dude]] 05:47, 22 December 2009 (CET)

==Chris's First Interview==
I noticed on [[Talk:Chris-chan_Discusses...]] you asked for someone to mirror Chris's first interview on Youtube. I know that was a while back, <s>but as far as I can tell no one has actually done it yet</s>, so I went ahead and did it for you [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1U-4Mvc5LbM]. I hope you're pleased. --[[User:That Man|That Man]] 23:10, 27 December 2009 (CET)
*just noticed a while ago that it's aleardy been uploaded by The CWCville Library. I have no clue how I was so oblivious to that. --[[User:That Man|That Man]] 03:26, 28 December 2009 (CET)
:*I didn't notice this either, thank you for telling me about this though and I appreciate your effort anyways.
:*Also can't seem to find it on the CWCvilleLibrary...could you possibly post a link?--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 07:49, 28 December 2009 (CET)

==Thanks, Champthom==
<nowiki>:)</nowiki> --[[User:GokuGetEm|GokuGetEm]] 09:53, 31 December 2009 (CET)

==New Hotness for Videos==
Take a look at this template for videos that [[User:NeoShadow]] made; it's really sweet. It can wrap around videos (in the middle of the page, where they are now) or it can be used as a sidebar.

*Template: [[Template:Infobox/video]]

*Centered example: [[User:Neoshadow/sandbox/Sonic_Sweepstakes]]

*Sidebar example: [[User:Neoshadow/sandbox/Sonic_Sweepstakes2]]

Thoughts? It's been on the [[CWCki:Priority_Listing|to do list]] for a while now, and we could get one or the other in place pretty quickly. The big question is which placement to use, and general style questions vis-a-vis the way it looks. Let us know! --[[User:Dude|Dude]] 09:43, 3 January 2010 (CET)
*I really like it, but there was some debate (I need to see where) over the usage of video infoboxes, as some people argued it's unnecessarily replicates information one can gleam from the article. However, I think your centered example might solve that as this is ultimately what we can use to replace just pasting the video in Video sections of articles. I think the "Made by" would be useless in 99% of situations (with the very few videos made by other people, such as the Watch and Win one, or the videos by Scarlet). Personally I like your infoboxes, but I'm not sure if everyone else likes it elsewhere.
:Best I'd do is mention this in the [[CWCki:Community_Portal|community portal]]. As I said, I think your centered example might be very useful and a nicer display than just a YouTube video in the video section. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 12:11, 3 January 2010 (CET)
*This add-on is useless and redundant if you ask me. There's nothing new here you can't read in the introduction of the video, in the video navigation bar and I don't see the need for the "Festive" icons. I respect the efforts but I am a K.I.S.S.-Type of guy. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 15:02, 3 January 2010 (CET)

==IMPOSTORS==

Hey Champ, this is the "dude" from the old CWCki... somebody claimed my nick in the three hours between Cogs fixing the captcha and me checking back in =( Is there anything we can do about this? I can still log into the old CWCki to prove my TRUTH and HONESTY, and I used the same email signing up here (this account) and there (the old "dude"). --[[User:Umad|Umad]] 05:12, 4 January 2010 (UTC)
*I'll consult with Cogs later tonight, as I'm not sure if we can kick this other "Dude" off and have you have his nickname, especially given that it's an extremely generic name someone could have chosen (like Anonymous or Nobody or some name like that) or if we can do this, if it is right in doing so. Now I am concerned that people might try to leech off the fame of others by signing up for accounts of previous CWCki users, either to jump start their e-fame or as a way of trolling, so I'll need a second opinion. If anyone wants to weigh in on the matter, by all means do so. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 10:57, 4 January 2010 (UTC)
**Yeah, it's pretty generic, but at the same time, I only signed up around October, so it wasn't generic enough to be taken by then. I am kind of surprised that somebody snapped it up so quickly, since I was pretty actively trying to get it back myself. I suppose it could be innocent, but it's still kind of frustrating. Thanks for looking into it. --[[User:Umad|Umad]] 14:52, 4 January 2010 (UTC)
can you give him the account back. i didn't know. i didnt think dude was gona be available, i though i got lucky. didnt mean to steal it, ill make another one [[User:Dude|Dude]] 00:26, 5 January 2010 (UTC)
*No problem Dude (see what I did there?). Okay, here's how this will go down - new Dude, when you get a new account, AIM or message me in IRC when you do. I will merge your current account into your new one. That will free up the username "Dude" and old Dude can register that way. rpoblem oslved. If there's any problems, you guys let me know because then I have to resort to Plan B. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 01:36, 5 January 2010 (UTC)
*New [[User:Dude|Dude]] has been [[Special:Contributions/Dude|inactive]] for about a week now... can I get my account back? --[[User:Umad|Umad]] 17:49, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
:*The new Dude needs to contact me so I can merge his old account into the new one, thus freeing up "Dude." If he doesn't respond in 24 hours or so, then contact me and I'll reset the password and give it over to you. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 04:57, 10 January 2010 (UTC)

== I'll not take this treachery sitting down! ==

You dare claim superiority over my powers as a great and terrifying wizard!? You shall soon see the error of your ways, good sir Champthom. I am a vengeful spellcaster, and I will rape you furiously in your sleep. [[User:Artiph|Artiph the Destroyer, Omniscient Archmage, bearer of the Grimoire of Destruction, whose powers by and large surpass that of the Great Wizard CrassCrab, Lord of the Seven Realm and Master of the Archane Black Arts of the Eleventh Trans-Dimensional Vortex]] 11:03, 4 January 2010 (UTC)

==Sup==
Have a job for me? You told me to get in touch... --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 19:38, 7 January 2010 (UTC)
*Well I was going to ask you to help upload images but people got onto that which is good.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 21:57, 7 January 2010 (UTC)
:*Coolio. On Another note, don't bother restoring my Jerkop status. I don't need it now seeing as how images have a MUCH higher ceiling. I'll stick around to improve articles and help people with images if they need it. --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 10:02, 8 January 2010 (UTC)

==SPECIAL MISSION==
I accept. Should I simply sign up for an account on Asperpedia and get started or what? --[[User:Fuckingstupid|Fuckingstupid]] 09:19, 12 January 2010 (UTC)
*Yeah, do that - sign up for an Asperpedia account and go zap to the extreme. --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 11:17, 12 January 2010 (UTC)

==Just to let you know==

There's a new user who registered under the name ChristianWestonChandler. I am watching this account since it came online. I just don't get a good feeling about this. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 07:00, 18 January 2010 (UTC)

==Apologies==

Thank you for fixing that mistake, that was the first time I added a template so I really am horrible at it. --[[User:Hieghts503|Hieghts503]] 5:05 20 January 2010 (CET)

== Chris's resume ==

Would you please be so kind as to move this to [[Chris's résumé]] for the sake of more accurate spelling, and to satisfy the grammar nazi in me? If you don't know how to make the fancy és, just copy and paste mine. [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] 04:22, 31 January 2010 (UTC)
*Also, please to be deleting [[Chris and fame]]. Broken redirect. [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] 20:15, 31 January 2010 (UTC)

== A new Mailbag bombing==
Well, our dear Christian has now started giving a copy paste reply as his new method of rejection. And hes done it to Mike Jackson's widow. We had a quick discussion about that in the talk page, and we thought it'd be an idea for another mailbag thats just filled entirely with letters about this one subject. Like how we had a whole mailbag asking about Asperchu and stuff like that? I thought we could have another of those; Only this time have an entire mailbag of people calling him out for being such a prick and for still not properly ansewing letters. What do you think Champ? --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 18:59, 15 February 2010 (UTC)

* To amend that idea, I suggest having Sysop inform him of another pending legal issue that can only be averted if he gives full replies to each email--he can't use the "Inputed" response or delete the whole thing and replace it with a general response or else the site goes down again or something.--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 19:32, 15 February 2010 (UTC)

* Agreed. We need some sort of cover from him rejecting it in any way. --[[User:Edward|Edward]] 20:56, 15 February 2010 (UTC)

== [[Politics]] ==

Please to be deleting. Broken redirect. [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] 01:11, 24 February 2010 (UTC)

== Sandy Rosechu ==

Any idea why [[Sandy Rosechu]] is showing up in [[:Category:Templates]]? [[User:Apostrophe|Apostrophe]] 22:17, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
*Fixed it. The Squote template didn't have noinclude wrapped around its category. --[[User:T K 19|T K 19]] 22:21, 25 February 2010 (UTC)
**That was my fault. --[[User:Mikhail Faulken|Mikhail Faulken]] 22:24, 25 February 2010 (UTC)

== halp ==

Yo [[Scampers|Champers]], could you derete this page here: http://www.cogsdev.org/cwcki/Template:Christory/March_07 ? It will be confus if it doesn't turn up as a red link. Sorry for mistake. [[User:RachmaninovDESU|RachmaninovDESU]] 15:00, 27 February 2010 (UTC)

== YO! ==

Champ old boy, do you have sauce on [[:File:CWCinDailyProgressJuly142007.jpg|this]] here sniplet? It must have slipped right past me, and now I want to know what it is! [[User:RachmaninovDESU|RachmaninovDESU]] 02:09, 28 February 2010 (UTC)

==Jerkops Anonymous==

Hey, Champthom. I've been in the mood to move a page or two recently, but my jerkop privileges were abolished with the move to CWCki 2.0. Would you mind reinstating them? [[User:Llort|Llort]] 03:14, 4 March 2010 (UTC)

Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2010-03-04T03:10:57Z

Llort: /* The cast in order of appearance */ simplifying for style

Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2010-03-04T03:03:21Z

Llort: /* Transcript */ abbreviating a few names

Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2010-03-04T02:48:02Z

Llort: /* Transcript */ changing colored lines into colored names only

Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2010-03-03T20:54:10Z

Llort: /* Transcript */ making a million tiny formatting fixes

Talk:Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2010-03-03T14:26:53Z

Llort:

Talk:Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2010-03-02T15:32:32Z

Llort:

Emily Date Conversation Transcript

2010-03-02T15:30:28Z

Llort:

CWCki talk:Transcription Collective

2010-03-02T01:50:14Z

Llort: /* Segmenting transcripts. */

CWCki talk:Transcription Collective

2010-02-25T06:11:31Z

Llort:

CWCki talk:Transcription Collective

2010-02-25T05:13:22Z

Llort: /* So is this a good place to discuss color-coding? */

CWCki talk:Transcription Collective

2010-02-24T20:06:24Z

Llort:

==To do==

*make neato user box to identify users who are part of the Collective
*promote it and stuff.
*have this page serve as a place to discuss meta transcription issues.

Point is, Clyde likes to joke that I need to get transcribing [insert new Chris media here]. But in reality, there's a lot of hard working transcriptionists who manage to transcribe new videos within minutes of them being released. It's something that very much impresses me and what makes CWCki so damn great.

One of the goals should be to utilize such efforts towards completing a lot of unfinished transcripts and to allow for better collaboration on transcription projects.--[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 18:07, 24 February 2010 (UTC)

:* As the author of CWCki's style guide (or what's currently passing for one), I figure I'm one of the dudes you're talking about. You can count on me to keep our transcripts stylish. ;3 [[User:Llort|Llort]] 20:06, 24 February 2010 (UTC)

Talk:Common Questions

2010-02-23T14:54:42Z

Llort: /* "Video games out right now" */

Should this be linked to [[Questions for Chris]] or should this get its own page? It seems like it will be a recurring feature. Thoughts? --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 02:50, 29 December 2009 (CET)
:Looks redundant for me. It would make a nice sub-section to Question For Chris. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 04:47, 29 December 2009 (CET)
::Not yet. The Questiosn for Chris page is outdated and this will become recurring...hopefully. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 05:01, 29 December 2009 (CET)
:::I have to revise my position. I saw that the Common Questions on CWCipedia got it's own entry. This make it a bona-fide historical document and need to receive it's own entry. Sorry to flip-flop on this but this is just how I see the situation now. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 05:57, 29 December 2009 (CET)
::::i could put a picture of my dick on cwcipedia so it becomes bona-fide. but yeah, right now i'm just stealing all the questions from that page for now. soon, i'll throw some of the mailbag in there as well while the major e-mails get put into the mailbags. so this might become the new mailbag. or something. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 05:59, 29 December 2009 (CET)
:::::Please warn me the day you will post your Bona-Fide Phallus on CWCipedia; I want to do a screen capture of it. :D This being said, I love the Mailbag format and These questions would fit in it easily. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]] 07:00, 29 December 2009 (CET)
::::::I'm honestly not digging the mailbag format here. It really works better for letters with actual length. Is the format from Questions for Chris really that bad?--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 18:58, 30 December 2009 (CET)
:::::::*Yeah, why not use that format? --[[User:Champthom|Champthom]] 22:28, 30 December 2009 (CET)

==Why not Using the Mailbag Format?==

I mean, why not? Chris is answering questions from the public and the said answers are not that longer than the conventional mailbag. Besides, Black on White Q&A is quite hard on the eyes to read. Another arguement; there's no clutter of answers everywhere. These bit-sized pieces of text would be easier to quote and link that way. [[User:Griffintown|Griffintown]]
:I'm sorry man, I just can't agree with you on this one. The Big boxes take up too much space and are visually distracting for these single-line questions and answers. They look fine when you're doing huge mailbag things, but here they just look off.
:There's nothing preventing us from using the format seen on the Questions for Chris page. I've personally never found the black and quite Q&A hard to read, and honestly, if you find it hard on your eyes, maybe you should consider scaling up the font size in your browser.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 08:48, 31 December 2009 (CET)

=="Video games out right now"==

In answering one of the questions from yesterday (22 February), Chris replied that he'd like to play ''Heavy Rain'' and ''God of War III'' but hasn't yet had the chance. It's worth noting here - if not beside his answer in the page proper - that ''Heavy Rain'' is shipping today (23 February), and ''God of War III'' isn't shipping until three weeks from now (16 March). "Honor roll" my ass... [[User:Llort|Llort]] 05:23, 23 February 2010 (UTC)
:*Is it just me or is it weird that he wants heavy rain? That's pretty far removed from his usual games of the moment. Granted, he'll probably realize it wasn't what he was hoping for, and never get past the first 20 minutes.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 06:42, 23 February 2010 (UTC)
:*Haven't really been following the game as I don't have a PSTriple, but I'm guessing if it's anything like ''Indigo Prophecy'' was, it'll have a hot babe you can control and sex scenes, which is good enough for Chris. [[User:Alteceastlansing|Alteceastlansing]] 08:14, 23 February 2010 (UTC)
::*This is splitting hairs, but it's almost worth noting also that ''The Orange Box'' - the only other title in Chris's list - isn't even a game, per se, in the sense that it's really a ''collection'' of games. What Chris should have said was that he's looking forward to playing ''Half-Life 2'', ''Team Fortress 2'', or ''Portal'' in particular. Oh well... [[User:Llort|Llort]] 14:54, 23 February 2010 (UTC)

Common Questions

2010-02-23T14:45:27Z

Llort: /* 22 February 2010 */

In late [[December 2009]] the [[CWCipedia]] [[Mailbag|Mailbags]] gained a new subsection, a series of short questions allegedly asked by many people who had written to Chris. Chris was surprisingly diligent about answering all of these '''Common Questions''' with every new mailbag. The answers, unsurprisingly, were erratic at best. Sometimes Chris provided far too much information, and other times he would provide a single word in response when a longer answer would have been expected. On occasion, he would change the text in the question itself to suit his needs, a practice of editing he'd been using in the mailbags since day one.

All of his answers have been compiled here, arranged by the date on which he answered them.

==28 December 2009==

*'''Q: Have you ever read any books on how to go about creating [[art]]? E.G. Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain, The Elements of Style, How to Draw Comics the Marvel Way, On Writing, or things like internet tutorials?'''
::A: [[My Half of A Whole New World for Kacey|I have read such books]], and I have taken many arts classes too.

*'''Q: If you were a director [[A CWC Audition|in Hollywood]], what kinds of films would you make?'''
::A: Action/Steamy ([[Chris and English|Striaght]]) Romance

*'''Q: You said you read [[R.L. Stine]] books when you were in high school. What kind of books do you read now? "Literary" fiction? Genre, like mystery or horror or science fiction? Nonfiction?'''
::A: I read less books now, although the last book I read was Pamela Anderson's Star.

*'''Q: Have you considered creating non-[[Sonichu]] comics or stories?'''
::A: Yes, and the ideas are still in my head.

*'''Q: Have you ever accepted and used constructive criticism in your comics? Or do you blow off anything anyone says that is slightly negative, even if their intentions are to help you improve your art?'''
::A: [[Lie|I have accepted and used ideas and criticism]] one such example was the [[Sonichu Fan Promo|Sonichu Animations from YouTube User: Timmys1984]]; it was very good, yet the lines were wrong originally. At least I have set that record straight in my [[Sonichu 9|9th Book]].

*'''Q: Why do you steal jokes from so many other sources (i.e. [[Family Guy]] and [[Excel Saga]]) and put it in your comics? It isn't very original and you can't come up with an original concept if all the humor in your comics is stolen.'''
::A: Like Family Guy, Simpsons, Excel Saga, and even [[South Park]], taking jokes is of acceptable practice; it works when the author is short on original jokes, and wants to fill in a good one. Everybody does it. "Simpsons Did It."

*'''Q: Describe your artistic process. How do you get inspiration for ideas for your comics? What goes through your head when you draw and color your comics?'''
::A: I get the idea beforehand in random thought/imagination/dream, get pen and paper and write/draw it out. A lot goes through my head, and it is hard for me as a [[Chris and his Ego|creative genius]] to remember it all on-the-spot verbatim.

*'''Q: We all know you have [[autism]], but exactly what type do you have? There are multiple types on the spectrum.'''
::A: High-Functioning Autism.

*'''Q: What do you plan to do after you have found your true [[sweetheart]] and had your daughter [[Crystal]]?'''
::A: I will live my family life as I had dreamed and waited for hapily.

*'''Q: What would you do if either of you turned out to be infertile?'''
::A: That is just plain stupid; I am VERY Fertile; Certified in the Medical Clinic, and I would make sure my woman has not hit Menopause yet.

*'''Q: What would you do if you found your sweetheart, fell in love with her, married her, but she could only give birth to male children?.'''
::A: It is a 50/50 chance among all women; I trust God to come through in his promise as he has told me before. I will keep trying though; I am not King Henry VIII.

*'''Q: Aside from creating Sonichu and [[Rosechu]] and excluding your future accomplishment of getting a true sweetheart and having your daughter Crystal, what is your greatest accomplishment in life and why?'''
::A: Graduating High School and College; I have learned a LOT and met the requirements; it's all good.

*'''Q: What are your top five priorities in life and why?'''
::A: 1) Good [[Health]] - Who wants to be ill or sick? 2) Happiness - I don't like being sad. 3) [[Love]] - I want to feel loved and appreciated by my closest ones. 4) Projects/Job - It gives me something to do. 5) [[Money]] - It does not make the world go around, but everyone wants it to feel like they are getting something out of a deal.

*'''Q: If you were made the absolute leader of the entire world for a day and your word was taken as law, what sorts of things would you do to make the world a better place?'''
::A: [[Chris and reality|All Men and Women would be paired up in straight couples]], leaving none alone; any remaining will be saved for upcoming men/women respectively. All [[gays]] would be reprogrammed and encouraged to be straight.

*'''Q: What about fucking [[sex toys|sex dolls]], [[masturbating]], drawing smut? Isn't this all forbidden for true Christians?'''
::A: It is not forbidden; that would be the Jews who are against those things, and I am not Jewish, and I respect them as individual people.

*'''Q: Contrary to what you stated in issue 8, the age of consent in most of the United States is BELOW 18 (17 or 16). What is your opinion on this?'''
::A: I understand that SOME states have that law, and I feel that it is good; [[Pedofork|it broadens the range by one or two years, so one would feel lest restricted]].

*'''Q: What would you say is the most romantic thing you have ever done with or to a woman?'''
::A: Sensual, emotionally-linked eye-contact.

*'''Q: We've been hearing about your creations becoming more and more popular amongst the gay community. What are your thoughts on this?'''
::A: Firstly, their perspectives of my work are flawed; they misunderstand some points, and I do not care for that at all; It is a STRAIGHT Comic; [[Homos]]exuality Lifestyle is HEAVILY DISCOURAGED and DETESTED. Second, I really feel hatred in them placing MY characters in their events WRONGFULLY, even in... [[It's UGH!|UGH!!!]]... pride parades and essays promoting their lifestyle. All of My Sonichus and Rosechus Are Straight! And I Am Straight! DO NOT SAY OTHERWISE, Because It is Mislabeling; it is Very Wrong, and I DO NOT APPRECIATE IT AT ALL.

*'''Q: Do you plan to give an ending to Sonichu's story?'''
::A: [[Chris and reality|No]].

*'''Q: Do Sonichu and Rosechu have full names (that is, two-part names, like all other [[Sonichus]] and [[Rosechus]])? If so, what are they?'''
::A: No, they are the very first Sonichu and Rosechu, so they do not have such names.

*'''Q: Will Eevails, or possibly some other Tails-like creature, appear in your comic?'''
::A: No.

==31 December 2009==

*'''Q: What do you think about people harassing others over PlayStation home?'''
::A: I do not like it at all.

*'''Q: What are the 5 worst movies you have ever <strike>seen</strike> heard of and would never ever watch in your entire life?'''
::A: [[Homos|Brokeback Mountain, Borat, Bruno, Crying Game, Krull]].

*'''Q: What are the 5 worst TV shows you have ever <strike>seen</strike> heard of and would never ever watch in your entire life?'''
::A: I am unsure.

''Note: Chris added the strikeouts himself.''

*'''Q: What are the 5 worst video games you have ever played?'''
::A: I am unsure.

*'''Q: What are the 5 best movies you have ever seen?'''
::A: [[Mary Poppins]], All Transformers Movies, Both Ghostbuster Movies, All Saw Movies, The [[Christian Weston Chandler|40-Year Old Virgin]].

*'''Q: What are the 5 best TV shows you have ever seen?'''
::A: Transformers (ALL Seasons and Sets), Sonic the Hedgehog (All Shows), Pok'emon (All Seasons), Mythbusters, Filmation's Ghostbusters (Little Care for "The Real Ghostbusters"; Jake, Eddie and Tracy WERE THE ORIGINAL REAL GHOSTBUSTERS).

*'''Q: What are the 5 best video games you have ever played?'''
::A: All [[Sonic|Sonic the Hedgehog Titles]], [[LittleBiGPlanet]] (PS3 AND PSP), All Guitar Hero Titles, All Animal Crossing Titles, All Pok'emon Titles.

*'''Q: Have you read classic comics like: A Contract With God, Maus, Watchmen, or The Sandman?'''
::A: Superman, Spider-Man and the like.

*'''Q: Could you mention any specific titles or series of comics you have read (besides Sonic the Hedgehog)?'''
::A: Superman, Spider-Man and the like.

*'''Q: What's your creative process like?'''
::A: Random, Extensive, Tough to Comprehend sometimes...

*'''Q: How do you go about creating each comic--do you do storyboards or scriptwriting beforehand?'''
::A: Mental Storyboards and Scriptwriting, but I do write some of it out on paper.

*'''Q: How far in advance do you plan the story?'''
::A: About weeks to months in advance.

*'''Q: Besides Sonic, Pokemon, and your daily struggles, what inspires your writing and art?'''
::A: [[Things Chris has ripped off|Other shows, comics, video games]], and most importantly my [[Evan|Fans]]. :)

*'''Q: Did any specific comic book inspire you to create your own?'''
::A: I'd say the Sonic the Hedgehog Comic Book Series

*'''Q: Why comics as opposed to short stories/novels?'''
::A: I enjoy drawing, and I feel better with having pictures to associate the words with.

*'''Q: Would you ever consider getting a massage?'''
::A: Yes, from Women Only.

*'''Q: What is your purpose in life?'''
::A: Does anyone really know their own ONE TRUE purpose in life? We mostly are supposed to live one moment and day at a time as best we can to make us individually feel satisfied and at peace.

*'''Q: Do you believe in an afterlife?'''
::A: [[Chris and Religion#Afterlife|Yes]].

*'''Q: What do you think happens after we die?'''
::A: Like most people; our souls leave our bodies, we end up in Heaven or Hell depending on our deeds/misdeeds, and [[Chris and Religion|possibly Reincarnation]].

==01 January 2010==

*'''Q: Where do you think you'll go after you die and why do you think that will be the case? 
::A: I do my best and what I can to end up in Heaven, [[List of Chris's lies|I do a lot of good deeds]].

*'''Q: You follow the Bible rigorously and believe homosexuality will send you to Hell. However, the Bible says that having unmarried sex will send you to Hell as well. Explain your reasonings you choose to ignore God's word and not waiting until after marriage but instead "after the 3rd date". 
::A:Those more strict rules apply to the Jewish, especially the book of Leviticus. I am a Christian Methodist, and as long as we feel comfortable and happy with our lives, if the Christian individual feels comfortable with [[Chris and sex|premarital sex]], then it is cool.

*'''Q: Can you justify your anti-homosexuality? How exactly? 
::A: Yes; the Homos I have heard from try to push their damn lifestyle in my face, and I DO NOT CARE FOR THAT AT ALL; What they do behind closed doors is None Of My Business, and I still Do Not Care to know a Damn Thing about it.

*'''Q: Why does Rosechu wear clothes while Sonichu does not? Additionally, why are Lolisa, DJ Jamsta, and Rosechu the only Sonichus and Rosechus who wear clothing? 
::A: Well, Why does Cindy [[Bear]] not wear clothes? Why does Mickey Mouse wear pants yet Sonic and Donald Duck do not? Why does Daisy Duck wear ONLY a Top, yet Minnie Mouse wears a skirt? IT'S A CARTOON; WHO CARES?!

*'''Q: Are the Sonichu comics still aimed at children? If so, what age group? 
::A: Yes, [[pedofork|Ages 7 and Up]].

*'''Q: I am really interested in your Lego CWCville, could you please draw an elaborate map of it for me? 
::A: One Day, I will draw a map, although it is similar to the City of Cwcville, VA.

==05 January 2010==

*'''Q: If Sonichu got published how much would each Issue cost? 
::A: I'd estimate $2.25, given the current shelf-comic prices. But ON the [[PS3|Playstation Network]]'s Digital Comic Service, I'd estimate $0.99 or $1.99 per Digital Issue.

*'''Q: How often does Sonichu have to stop and take breaks when he's running? 
::A: He only stops for a rescue, [[China|social life]], [[Obesity|eating a chili dog, tacos or whatever he feels like chowin' down]], and to relax at home with his family.

*'''Q: Virginia lets you to marry your first cousin, but doesn't allow gays to marry. Do you think cousin-marriage is better than gay marriage? Why or why not? 
::A: WHAT THE F***?! WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT C***PIEST OF HEINOUS LIES ABOUT VIRGINIA?! Cousin-Marriage is just as Terrible and Unholy as MARRYING YOUR OWN [[Barbara|MOTHER]] OR [[Bob|FATHER]]! In comparison, both unholy marriages are equally terrible.

==07 January 2010==

*'''Q: You said that you confess your sins and pray every night. What sins do you confess?
::A: To name a couple: I apologize right after each time I say something like "God damn" (I'm sorry, God); I confess and apologize for, if any that day, angry responses to my own father after he starts an arguement or gets on my nerves.

*'''Q: What exactly happened when you were called into Mary Lee Walsh's office?
::A: That was one time I would rather not go into or recall. She raised her voice at me in harsh tones about how "You won't be getting any women" or "Your methods are flawed and stupid" and even "You are Stupid, Christian". I responded very angrily and verbally abused her back. Then I was kicked out for a year with Anger Management and Psychiatrist assistance.

*'''Q: Why do you randomly capitalize words when you type?
::A: [[Lie|I do not type in Caps at Random; I type those phrases or words in caps to EMPHASIZE MY POINT OR FACT]].

*'''Q: When did you first realize that you hated the homos? Do your parents hate them as much as you do?
::A: I estimate that I started hating them about Summer, 2003 just after I started my Sweetheart Search, where I received the response from one woman, "Ooh, I'm sorry, I am a Lesbian." That, combined with my PAST dislike of MEN in general AND the later pictured images of such acts led me to DISGUST AND HATRED FOR THE HOMOSEXUALS. Plus ALL of the Homos within the Trolls AND all Homosexual Fans with their WRONGFUL Quoting of MY comics and characters in THEIR PAPERS and ESSAYS promoting homosexuality, and EVEN WORSE a Sonichu BALLOON in one of their God DAMED Pride Parades!!! ALL OF THESE FACTORS have ONLY made my view of the Homosexual Males WORSE! And I will say this again, '''SONICHU IS STRAIGHT, YOU DUMBASS GAYWADS.'''

==09 January 2010==

*'''Q: What do you think of people of different faiths other than your own (this includes Satanism,Atheism, Agnosticism)'''
::A: For most other religions, I am of neutral opinion and have no objections to them whatsoever. But for ALL those of Satanism and Atheism; I do not care for those Non-Religions AT ALL. I will not discriminate the people of those Non-Religions as Individual People.

*'''Q: How do you feel about the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual community? do they deserve the same rights as anyone else?'''
::A: As individual people, they all deserve Most Rights, but GAY MARRIAGE Should be made Illegal ALL Countries; Marriage is ONLY for Straight Man/Woman couples. I stand behind that most fully.

*'''Q: How do you feel about people of different political parties, political parties spanning from Anarchism to Facism.'''
::A: As a Moderate (of Middle, Neutral Opinion), I have nothing against the other political parties. Mainly, because even though I do have the ability to learn about them, I know not ALL of the details of them.

*'''Q: How do you feel about Drugs? Drugs such as Marijuana, Cocaine, Cigarettes, Alcohol, etc.'''
::A: I STAND FULLY AGAINST [[Tobacky|Cigarettes, Marijuana, Cocaine, Cigars]] and ALL other Drugs of the sort. The only exceptions are drugs that are Prescribed to the Individual Person, as long as they are not given to anyone they were not originally prescribed to, I have no objections. And Alcohol; in Responsible, Moderate amounts, it can be good for you, yet I do not support Too Much of it, as if left unchecked, irresponsible or unassisted, too much can lead to fights that can lead to a trip to the hospital and automobile accidents.

*'''Q: Do you hold any distaste for any worldly culture?'''
::A: Only those who fully promote smoking or such drugs that I have just elaborated against of.

*'''Q: Are you uncomfortable about people of Color? do you have any tensions towards them?'''
::A: I have no discomfort or tension against people of all colors. The only exception is in my choice of Sweetheart or Mate; No Personal Offense, but she can not be Black.

*'''Q: Are you disturbed or disgusted by different types of music? Many people dislike Death Metal: http://tinyurl.com/ch2yl5'''
::A: I have agreement on some lyrics of Death Metal tracks, but the Tune, as long as it is not at loud volume, it is still good.

*'''Q: What do you think of our current president? Is he decieving Americans as the Right Wing has expressed?'''
::A: I think Obama is doing okay, yet I disagree with his Health Plan; it is premature at the time, because we can not afford it yet. The Right Wing are sour, mean people; I give no concern to them.

*'''Q: Do you think Countries such as the Soviet Union or North Korea Are actually Communist?'''
::A: I do not know much about those countries, so I can not give a full opinion on the topic. Although I do hate Communism; they are of wrong opinions and are considerably mean.

*'''Q: How do you think the situation in Afghanistan is going? Is there anything you would do different?'''
::A: I do not have full knowledge of that situation either.

*'''Q. Would you be willing to preform oral sex on a woman?'''
::A: Yes I would.

*'''Q. You often attempt to scare your trolls by stating they will go to hell. Some of your trolls do not believe in hell, what do you have to say to them?'''
::A: Firstly, it is NOT a "scare tactic", IT IS FACT. And second, I say "Well, Believe it or not. You are Not Dead Yet."

*'''Q. Have you ever thought about documenting your daily life? Kind of like a reality show?'''
::A: The topic has come to mind, yet I do not feel it appropriate yet.

*'''Q. Do you eat at restaurants other than McDonalds or Burger King?'''
::A: Yes, namely Golden Corral, Country Cookin' and iHop.

*'''Q. Do you ever consider playing Guitar Hero on expert instead of hard?'''
::A: I have played on Expert, and it is good.

*'''Q. What do you argue about with your dad?'''
::A: A number of things; I would not know where to begin on making the list of dumb topics he comes up with.

*'''Q. Why do you want to get the original Power Rangers back together? They're 40, no longer fit the costumes, one of them is dead, and one of them went to jail for drunk driving.'''
::A: Originally, I meant ONLY to '''Revive Zordon'''; I mean PRESIDENTS, POLICE CHIEFS and such Recruiting Power Rangers and Creating Zords? Not only is it Trite and LAME, it is not as CLASSIC or Good Quality as Zordon.

*'''Q. Do your parents freak out about you playing with girl's toys when you're a grown man?'''
::A: No, they do not, and I gave that up long ago.

*'''Q. What other ideas did you think of to attract women before you settled on a cardboard sign?'''
::A: Newspaper/Magazine Ads, Online Dating Sites, Video Dating Services to name a few; THEY COST MONEY.

*'''Q. What do you want to be when you grow up?'''
::A: I am ALREADY GROWN UP; I am 27 Years Old, going on 28. I am a great artist, and I am looking forward to an Office Job.

==15 January 2010==

*'''Q: If you could change the law, how would you change it? and you said you would outlaw the friend zone? why? what happened to a woman's right to choose who she wants to be with?
::A: Nothing has happened in [[Women's Rights]]; the "Friend Zone" is only the LOUSIEST EXCUSE EVER to give to someone [[Megan|the woman]] deeply cares about and trusts so she could get out of sex or a relationship. [[Rape|I do not take kindly to that Excuse at this time]].

*'''Q: Do you like everything you see, so long as it doesn't have gay stuff in it?
::A: Non-gay stuff is acceptable, but I don't like EVERYTHING I SEE; there are some things, even straight things, that I don't like either.

*'''Q: If you could upload your brain into a robot body, would you?
::A: I do not think so.

*'''Q: Why aren't you sure of the five worst games you've played? You can't have enjoyed [[List of Chris's games|every game you played]].
::A: I just could not think of any that would total up to five.

*'''Q: If you went back to college, what would you major in? What classes would you take?
::A: I am not sure.

*'''Q: Why do you like the name "[[Reginald]]" so much?
::A: Because [[PandaHalo|a woman]] who was close to me picked it out for the son in our role-play scenario; now she's [[Chris and death|dead]], and I still miss her sometimes.

*'''Q: Did you know that nearly all male porn actors start out making gay porn? What do you think of this?
::A: Whatever; I do not care.

*'''Q: [[Christian Love Day|Why did you get rid of asexuality in Sonichu 10]]? Hasn't it occurred to you that some people just don't like being in romantic relationships, and are much happier single?
::A: It had occured to me about asexuality recently from a mailbag question, and made me think about it, and NOT being able to FEEL the Attraction is Just Sad.

*'''Q: In a recent chat, you said that if you had a chance, you would want to make being a homo illegal. Yet, in a video contemporary to the chat, you ask your fans not to leave you. How would you feel if all of your [[Gay4Sonichu|gay fans]] left you?
::A: I would not want them to leave; they are still fans.

*'''Q: Have you ever considered getting your own apartment? What prevents you from doing so?
::A: Yes I have considered it. [[Chris and money|Current financial situations]] and fear of change (a common Autistic Trait) prevents me from doing so.

*'''Q: If there were no women, and men could reproduce sexually with other men, would homosexuality still be wrong?
::A: ONLY if that was the case, I would say Shoot Me.

*'''Q: Why do so many of your videos have a greenish-yellow tinge?
::A: It's one of the flaws in recording with Sony's EyeCreate Program (a downloadable Playstation 3 Application that requires the [[PSEye|Playstation Eye Camera]]); THEY NEED TO FIX THE PROGRAM, not only of that tint from Lack Of Some Light, but the Audio/Video skips that seems to occur during recording.

*'''Q: You hate homos, but you also hate straight men for "taking all the pretty girls leaving none for you." Shouldn't you support homos, so that other men can date each other and free up girls for you?
::A: NO, because Homosexuality is STILL WRONG.

*'''Q: Sex isn't that big of a deal. It's fun, but you don't have to have sex to be happy. Why are you so big about sex?
::A: Oh, I don't know, how about being a [[Virgin with rage|Frustrated Virgin]]?!

*'''Q: Would life be better if we reproduced nonsexually, and thus didn't have a sex drive?
::A: That is Bull[[DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS|c***]].

*'''Q: Since you haven't been very specific about your taste in women, who are your favorite porn stars?
::A: To name a few: Jenna Jameson, Daisy Marie and Carmen Luvana.

*'''Q: Do you have any friends in the Autistic community?
::A: Only a few Acquaintances.

==20 January 2010==

*'''Q: Have you ever considered the possibility that you may never lose your virginity? What will you do then? How old do you think is too old to be a virgin?
::A: No. The next question is Non-Applicable. 40.

*'''Q: If you could have sex with one famous woman, living or historical, who would it be?
::A: [[Britney Spears]].

*'''Q: Why do you think [[Asperchu]] currently has 10 times as many fans as Sonichu?
::A: "Fans" are fickle, and so are "Fads"; the Non-True Fans will always look for the Next "Fad" until they tire of it and move on to the next "Fad". In this note, I would say that I am Possibly Retro, and Retro is ALWAYS IN.

*'''Q: Would you say your life has improved since thinking up Sonichu? Why or why not?
::A: [[Trolls|Yes; I became famous, and becoming famous is not an easy task]].

*'''Q: Do you know what the word "hypocrite" means?
::A: "hypocrite"; an [[Fail|adjective]]; 1) to be of a belief while not upholding that belief. 2) a total liar. 3) an UNTRUE Fan. example: When the Sonichu Fan left Sonichu for a newer, yet badly drawn, thing, after having said that they would always enjoy Sonichu forever, is a '''hypocrite''' among the Truest and Loyalest Sonichu Fans.

*'''Q: I noticed that you have a Marge Simpson poster on your wall. Do you find her sexually appealing and if yes why?
::A: That is the pin-up from a "Playboy" a few months ago. She is appealing, yes, but I am more attracted to the real-life women around us all.

*'''Q: What's with all the pictures of Rosechu with a pickle on the internet? I thought she was supposed to be ALL WOMAN?
::A: Rosechu IS All Woman; she transformed from a Female Raichu; those people are just being stupid jerks with such "renditions".

*'''Q: How do you expect to keep us last remaining fans by stop working on the comic pages?
::A: I am drawing pages every day; just be patient and have full faith, unless you want to be considered a '''hypocrite''' among True, Loyal Sonichu and Rosechu Fans.

==26 January 2010==
*'''Q: If Rosechu is a Raichu, that means she's more evolved then Sonichu, who is a Pikachu. Shouldn't she be more powerful than Sonichu and be the leader?
::A: Evolution makes no difference; Rosechu is equally as powerful as Sonichu; Sonichu is the main character; Rosechu has equal leadership roles, so she leads when appropriate.

*'''Q: Why do you think you are better artist than Alec, aside from low-resolution and his style's blockiness? Is there something wrong to have quirky and blocky drawing style?
::A: How about the fact that his style looks Retarded and something that [[Chris and hypocrisy|a 2-Year Old can do]]? There's nothing wrong, unless you want to be TRULY Respected as an Avid Artist and Serious Person.

*'''Q: Why is [[Flame the Sunbird]] a ripoff of Kazooie?
::A: Flame was NEVER taken from Kazooie; if anything, he is MORE similar to Knuckles, but with a Sunbird Form.

*'''Q: You have expressed disdain for Asperchu and Simonchu, but how do you feel about Moon-Pals? Have you read it? If not, it would only be fair for you to do so.
::A: I have read Moon-Pals, and I feel that it is more like Moon-Dorks the way Sean draws and Portrays their Events so Grotesquely.

*'''Q: How many fans do you think you have? Please specify one of the following options: 0-10, 11-100, 101-1000, 1001-10000, 10000+.
::A: [[Ego|1000000000+.]]

*'''Q: How many fans do you think Asperchu has? Please specify one of the following options: 0-10, 11-100, 101-1000, 1001-10000, 10000+.
::A: [[Chris and His Ego|0-10]]
''Chris left this last question unanswered until 30 January.''

==30 January 2010==
*'''Q: Will you ever be able to accept criticism without being condescending or changing the subject?
::A: [[Lie|Yes]].

*'''Q: Capital punishment (the Death Penalty) is legal in the Commonwealth of Virginia. Do you support the death penalty?
::A: [[9 February 2010|I do not support the death penalty]].

*'''Q: Could you post the letter you sent to Barack Obama on the CWCipedia?
::A: I am afraid I did not make a photocopy of the letter, and I had snail-mailed it weeks ago, so I can not do that.

*'''Q: You talk about how Asperchu is just a fad, but what if Sonichu is actually the fad that's starting to fade?
::A: I disagree.

*'''Q: If Rosechu is equal to Sonichu in power why does she need to be saved by him?
::A: She was caught off-guard at those times.

==1 February 2010==
*'''Q: Why do people who "[[Mailbag 49#Apparently that's reason enough|tick you off]]" [[Mailbag 49#Chris loves his country|deserve to die in explosions]]? Didn't Matthew say to love thy enemy?
::A: [[Lie|I never said that phrase, nor meant it in any way]].

*'''Q: If you don't support the death penalty, that means you believe all life is sacred, right? Then why do you call for the deaths of gays? Is it only straight people who shouldn't get the death penalty?
::A: [[Death threats|All Life IS sacred]].

*'''Q: How come you become more and more like a dictator like Kim Jong Il, Hugo Chavez, or Vladimir Putin with your mailbags?
::A: [[Lie|I am NOT a Dictator. Why are you giving me an even WORSE Mislabeling than the Homosexual Mislabelings? Why do YOU have to be so bored that you have to make up NEW mislabelings to try and deface me over and over again?]]

*'''Q: Why did you choose to show the first black character in the series in a negative and racist light?
::A: That one is NOT a recurring character; the one who WILL be recurring characters are and will be like [[Jerkop|Police Officers]] like Louis Perez.

*'''Q: Why did Ultra Sonichu cure Aspergers, but did nothing for the physically challenged Rosechus in CWCville?
::A: [[Lie|Mental Problems can be cured Easier than Physical]].

*'''Q: Why do you constantly edit the letters you receive? Don't you think it is insulting and rude?
::A: [[Lie|I am working on that, and Editing Less]].

*'''Q: Do you like zombies? What weapon would you use to defend yourself in the zombie apocalypse? Where would you hold out?
::A: No, I do not like zombies. I would use a [[Megatron pistol|Gun]]. [[14 Branchland Court|Where I can]].

*'''Q: If you claim to respect your fans, why is it okay for you to "promise" to do a Sonichu page everyday, and then not keep up on that promise?
::A: I am drawing the pages For Real; Hand-to-God. [[Lie|I have other life problems that delay me from getting them scanned and online sooner; Shoveling Snow, Chores, Earlier Bedtime and Routine Resituating]].

*'''Q: Why don't you just draw Wild a new girlfriend, so you can remove Simonla like Evan asked you to? Most people have more than one relationship in their lives, so it should not be that much of a problem. Or a you so uncreative that you can not think of a new character?
::A: [[Boyfriend-free girl|I have stated before that when ONE finds their Match, they KEEP Each Other; I am NOT going to separate the Couple.]]

==22 February 2010==
*'''Q: How come your comics art hasn't improved since 2005, do you think you've reached your limit when it's come to the art of the Sonichu comic?
::A: On the contrary, my drawing skills have improved greatly over the years, yet it may be subtle and not obvious.

*'''Q: Why do you have a bedtime when you are around 30 years old?
::A: Everybody needs to sleep a while to recover energy from the past day.

*'''Q: What do you think of legally blind people?
::A: They're okay; they are keen to their other senses, and that is admirable. I have neutral to positive opinions of the legally blind.

*'''Q: Hey, Chris, what were your favourite after-school activities when you were a kid?
::A: Video games and Homework.

*'''Q: Were you ever involved in sports besides being the basketball towelboy, or did you take music lessons or art classes outside of school?
::A: I took a lot of Physical Education classes; I did not take classes outside of school before college.

*'''Q: If you can't get your car out because of the snow, shouldn't now be the perfect time to work on updating your comic?
::A: I have been working on the comic the whole time, as you will see very soon.

*'''Q: What's your favourite food? Does your mom ever cook at home? If she asked you to fix dinner, what would you do?
::A: Macaroni and Cheese; Yes; a small meal or soup.

*'''Q: Are there any video games out right now that you really want to play, but haven't gotten a chance to yet?
::A: [[Fanmail Reading|The Orange Box]], God of War III and Heavy Rain.
::''Note: neither [[Wikipedia:God of War III|God of War III]] nor [[Wikipedia:Heavy Rain|Heavy Rain]] had been released when Chris answered this question.''

*'''Q: If you could change anything about yourself physically, what would you change and why?
::A: Weigh myself down to 180 pounds.

*'''Q: How often do you shower?
::A: [[Chris and health#Chris and hygiene|Nightly]].

*'''Q: How often do you visit with friends and family outside of the house?
::A: Sometimes.

*'''Q: Do you enjoy [[20 December 2009|playing with your cats]]?
::A: Yes.

*'''Q: Do you actually play with all the toys in your room? If not, why not donate some to children who actually will play with them?
::A: I do sometimes play with all my toys.

*'''Q: Do you envy Sonichu for having a wife and kids?
::A: No.

*'''Q: Which of the Rosechus is the sexiest in your opinion?
::A: The Original Rosechu.

*'''Q: If shoveling snow is that hard for you, why don't you just pay some kid $10 to shovel your driveway?
::A: Hard work is good for me.

*'''Q: From between Issues #0 and #8 Which Electric Hedgehog pokemon do you like least and why?
::A: Silvana Rosechu, because of the Troll Influences, I felt forced to let Graduon magically make her a hermaphrodite for the sake of "TRANSFORM".

*'''Q: Have any of the Sonichus and Rosechus ever considered "swinging," aka swapping sex partners for the night?
::A: No.

*'''Q: What are the ten worst things that have happened to you in your life?
::A: 1) Trolls Pestering Me Constantly. 2) [[Julie|Learning that Ohio woman was actually a 13-year old boy]]. 3) Having my accounts hacked into. 4) Clyde Cash breaking into my ORIGINAL, which hosted The Original "CWC's Sonichu Site", Tripod Account and screwing it up Royally. 5) Being banned from The (Game & Hobby) Place by that S.O.B., [[Michael Snyder]]; we never saw eye-to-eye, and for [[Chris and anger|some UNCOMPREHENDIBLE Reason]], aside from that time with my Wii, He Hated Me, Period. 6) Learning of the [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] Website late October, 2007, followed by learning [[Lucas|TWO OF]] [[Mimms|THE TROLLS]] were old Pok'emon TCG comrades in that same League I used to go to HAD PART in the creation of that D*** E.D. Page. 7) The loss of two True and Good Women who I had friendships with, Sarah Cassandra McKenzie ([[PandaHalo]]), and [[Sarah Jackson]]. 8) Being banned from [[Piedmont Virginia Community College]] for a year. 9) Having to leave behind all of my [[Gal-pal|Girl Friends]] from High School after Graduation. 10) [[Nathanael Greene Elementary School|Being pinned down on the floor by a teacher, two teacher aides, the Guidance Counsoler and the Principal on the floor and having my screams and cries recorded onto audiocassete back in 4th Grade]]. 11) The [[Autism]].

*'''Q: Chris, what are the good deeds you have done that earn you the right to go to heaven?
::A: I have done a lot of good in my life, yet I did some bad, [[Chris and remorse|most of which was accidental, unintentional or beyond my knowledge]]. To name a few good things: holding the door for many people in various places, [[Chris and Death#Mike Jackson (1969-2010)|honoring my promises]], being friendly and kind in person, donating to various causes and a lot of other good things.

*'''Q: Why does homosexuality immediately condemn the person to hell regardless of how good they are?
::A: I can not say; ask a Priest or Pastor.

*'''Q: At what age did you officially become mayor of CWCville?
::A: 18

*'''Q: At what age will your future daughter inherit the title of mayor of CWCville?
::A: 13 - 18

*'''Q: You know that crystal isn't a kind of metal, right?
::A: I know that; cyrstal is a kind of Mineral.

*'''Q: Who came up with the "Chris Chan" nickname?
::A: I did; it's the first halves of my first and last names, Chris tian Chan dler, and it has a "Jackie Chan" feel to it.

*'''Q: What inspired you to create Sonichu?
::A: The CD Cover Project for Computer Graphics during my Seinor Year at Manchester High; Sonic and Pikachu.

*'''Q: Even though you've created him for over a decade, did Sonichu ever helped you accomplished anything?
::A: Yes; see myself as a better person.

*'''Q: Why did the Wailord dropped a boulder on Bubble's adoptive mother Swampert?
::A: the boulder was attached to that Wailord's underbelly, like Barnicles, and in its leap over Mama Swampert, the boulder detached itself.

*'''Q: Since you hate gay people so much, why do you use Rainbows in your comics?
::A: I do not understand why the f*** the gays decided to use Rainbows as their symbol; that's like asking Hitler why he used the Swastika (which originally was a Lucky Symbol) for his whole mess.

*'''Q: What purpose do the Chaotic Combo served through out the whole comic?
::A: It's like asking why Sailor Moon needed the Sailor Soldiers of the other 8 planets; BACKUP, ADVICE and COMRADESHIP.

*'''Q: Why do you add yourself as a character?
::A: [[Chris and his Ego|If it was good enough for Shinichi Watanabe in Excel Saga and Puni Puni Poemy, it was good enough for me]]. But upon retrospect, I saw why it was a mistake.

{{Mailbag}}

Talk:Common Questions

2010-02-23T05:23:01Z

Llort: "Video games out right now"

The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special

2010-02-23T02:56:52Z

Llort: /* Transcript */ full copy edit of Part 3

[[Image:HappyAnniversary.jpg|thumb|right|"Thanks for not aborting me!"]]

'''The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special''' is a video that [[Chris]] made as a gift for Bob and Barbara in the spring of [[2004]]. It offers a wealth of information regarding Chris's parents, such as how they met in a [[alcohol|bar]].

==Part 1==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 1
| image = {{#ev:youtube|24lUfJf4cNU}}
| Stardate = 7th [[June 2004]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games}}[[Video games]]; Family
| Performance Style = {{Reason}}Reason
| Other = {{Direct Feed}}Machinima; {{Leaked}}[[DVD|Leaked]]
| previous = [[Animal_Crossing_Documentary#Watch|Animal Crossing Documentary]]
| next = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_2|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 2]]
}}</center>

{{quote|This is my little present for y'all.}}

===Transcript===

[''two in-game flyers appear'']

Nintendo Presents / A Christian/Sonichu Production

For Barbara & Robert Chandler (Christian' Mom & Dad) / It's…

[''theme music plays briefly over opening animation'']

[''another in-game flyer appears'']

The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special / Now here's your host, Christian Chandler!

[''four more in-game flyers scroll by in a blur'']

Most of everything was done by Christian Chandler. / Games used for this program: Animal Crossing, Mario Paint

With Special Thanks to Nintendo, Barbara Chandler, Robert Chandler, Christian Chandler

This has been a / Christian/Sonichu production. / The End

Stay Tuned for Behind the Scenes Action…

[''one last in-game flyer appears'']

Due to limited items, the following program may have some innacurate furniture for each parent…

[''starts playing ''Animal Crossing'' as himself'']

Hi, Mom and Dad. How're you doing? This is my little present for y'all: a little… documentary for y'all, here in [[Animal Crossing]] for Nintendo GameCube… about how y'all were, and how you are now, and so forth. So, take a trip back in time with me, won't you, as we explore, uh, how each of you were.

Of course, first, we'll travel back in time tooo…

[jump cut to Chris playing as Bob]

…the time of good ol' [[Bob|Robert Franklin Chandler, Jr.]] He was a hip youngster back in his day. And, uh… all that stuff he… was-- he fought in the war, he likes-- well, he worked-- he worked hard, and stuff. Let's take a look inside his château, and, uh… see what describes him as him.

[''enters Bob’s house to start tour of first floor'']

He collects records, and he's got lots of 'em, and he's got so many shelves. He likes [unintelligible] record case. Yeah.

Anyway, let's see, uh, he likes to, uh, make models, and he likes trains. This is a train model set. Look: it's got a cute little tunnel. Yeah.

And, y’know, this-- he didn't have it back then, but he has it now. He likes to sit back and watch television.

Like I said, he likes scale models. And here's a good model: a rocket. Yeah. He was a technical engineer over at, uh, General Electric Company. Yup – he designed the controls for plastic molding machines, so, without him, you couldn't have the plastic for, uh… say, the toy ''train'', here. Yes.

And he also, uh, went around the world a bit. One place: he went to New York. See, there's the Statue of Liberty, there.

He also, uh-- he was born in, uh, ''Texas''. That's why we have this little cactus here. Oh, and here's a little bo-- ship in a bottle, here, 'cause, y'know, he ''did'' go around the world. At least by water.

He was born a [[Cherokian Clan|Cherokee]] in, uh, Texas. Actually, he was-- he was, like, one-[[Speech Impediment|sisteenths]] Cherokee. But… that's why we have this totem pole here. And this Chinese Lion here… that's, uh-- he was-- he's been-- [[honor_roll|he's been to Korea… for a war in… World War II, I believe it was]]. And he got… a conduct Medal of Honor, so, that's what this is right here.

And you'll notice this is his shirt. It's a… blue tartan. Same pattern as is his, uh, ''regular'' shirt. That's what they call it in Animal Crossing. This pattern here for his ''um-''brella is a composition of four trumpets, 'cause, uh… he likes music. Of course.

Of course, he likes to think, so, while he's thinking he, uh… pays the bills on his, uh… desk, and, uh… nowadays, he uses a computer, but back in the da-- back in his ''old'' days, the-- a computer would fill up a ''whole room''… and it would have been much bigger than a refrigerator. And everybody in the business ''loved'' computers. [''does an impression of a baby computer''] "I love you, big com-pyu-dah."

Which I could say the same thing for, uh, a radio. Back then, in the 1930s, it was the size of a refrigerator. And everybody ''loved'' the radio, as well. [''does a half-hearted impression of Bob''] "I love you, radio".

And, of course, when he does his, uh, thinking, he, uh-- so, he likes wipin' out. He may have had one before, but he doesn't have one now: a chalkboard. And you know what he's thinkin' about at this moment? Social studies. [''laughs like Peter Griffin''] That's written by ''de-''fault on the chalkboard. And, of course, he likes to play games, so we have this little chessboard here.

And, uh, he's a bit of an outdoors person, as well… [''moves the tour to the second floor''] so, here's a representation of our backyard… or, probably "his" backyard, in the day.

Anyway, we have, uh… yeah – sprinklers watering the garden. We have a little pond. Hey! [''does another half-hearted impression of Bob''] "Who's up for a burgerrr? Who's up for a burgerrr?" Yeah.

He can also look into outer space, with this telescope. Mmm… I see there's the, uh… Sun. I can't look directly into it because it's so bright. If I turn it a little bit… oh – look – I see the Moon. The Mooon-a.

And, of course, he, uh, takes care of his, uh, yard and flowers, so, he usually likes to… ''mow the lawn''. ''Mow the lawn.'' ''Mow the lawn.''

And, uh, when he can, with, uh… with his, uh, girlfriend, back in the day, was [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]]. Yeah. Take her on a picnic. Yeah. Nice little picnic table.

So, now, we go downstairs to another point-- another good point in his, uh, life: [''moves the tour down to the basement''] Good ol' Manny's Pub. Yeah. Got everything.

He, uh, drank coffee 'round here, an'… stuff. But most of the time, around here, in Manny's pub, he sang… up here on the stage. Along with the, uh… classic jazz music of the day.

And, of course, y’know, in a pub, you always have a bartender.

[''does yet another half-hearted impression of Bob''] "Hey, barkeep! Lemme have a, uh, [[Long Island Iced Tea|martini]], will ya?"

[''does impression of bartender''] "I'm sorry, bud, but we have no martinis."

[''returns to same bad impression of Bob''] "Oh, okay, then, just get me a… b-brewski."

[''does impression of same bartender suddenly drunk''] "One [[reeb|''beer'']], comin' up!"

[''chuckles'']

At bars, you notice, of course, they have a… telephone to talk to, uh, people. Of course, uh, yeah, back then-- [''reassures himself''] yeah, they had telephones.

And, of course, like I see, I've been into good music, so…

Here's a good ezzample. [''plays unrecognizable melody on piano'']

Here, uh, let me give that to you again. [''plays same unrecognizable melody'']

That's a little tune I whipped up: uh, [[Sonic|Sonic's]] theme song. That's, uh… that's a town tune… that’s on there.

And, of course, he also likes the, uh, other classical instruments, such as a cello. [[Random Access Humor|He should-- he should’ve hung around in a room that was mellow; then, he wouldn't've liked the cello!]]

[''leaves Bob’s house to conclude tour'']

But anyway, uh, that's pretty much the last of Bob Chandler. Of course, in no-- in a-- in a ''hero'' business, he's also known as "Flower Man"… ‘cause he saves flowers' lives more than humans'.

So, now… let's time travel… to another time…

[jump cut to Chris playing as Barbara]

…for-- yeah – the time of [[Barbara Chandler]]… which-- here she is. But, of course, uh, naturally, she has ''brown'' hair, but since it’s Animal Crossing, they gave me ''blue'' hair by ''de-''fault.

But anyway, let's go into ''her'' house and see what her lifestyle is.

[''enters Barbara’s house to start tour of first floor'']

Back in her childhood, they had a small house, but, yeah, she had many brothers and sisters--

==Part 2==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 2
| image = {{#ev:youtube|sIlqJzcLsig}}
| Stardate = 07 [[June 2004]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games}}[[Video games]]; Family
| Performance Style = {{Reason}}Reason
| Other = {{Direct Feed}}Machinima; {{Leaked}}[[DVD|Leaked]]
| previous = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_1|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 1]]
| next = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_3|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 3]]}}</center>

{{quote|In 1980, they *did* get married.}}

===Transcript===

--so she had to share.

But she had a quite a few… interests [unintelligible]. [''swallows and exhales''] But nowadays, she likes to use a computer, but, of course, y’know, back then, she couldn't have-- she didn't ''have'' one; they were all in the big business.

But back then, she went to school, and she worked hard. And see this, uh, shirt here? That's her school colors: blue and white, because, uh, back in high school… [''dresses Barb character in cheerleader outfit''] she was a [[Snorlax|cheerleader]]. [''does a half-hearted cheerleader impression''] "Rum-bum! Sis-boom-bah! Yay-yay! La-la-la! "

Yeah – and one time, when she was a cheerleader in high school, she got… ''tackled'' by a football player. Broke her ankle. And ever since then, she could no longer do the twist.

Anyway, sh-- like I said, [unintelligible] cheerleader years. Batons and pom-poms on her ''um-''brella.

Oh – by the way, y'know, I forgot to mention: for-- I put the trumpets and the bot-- batons here? I used Mario Paint to design… ''one'' set… and then, I multiplied it times four on Animal Crossing because… a, uh, Mario Paint stamp is equal to… ''one-quarter''… of a whole… Animal Crossing stamp. [''dresses Barb character in original outfit''] By the way, this is a ''daisy'' shirt she's wearing.

But anyway, uh, she, uh-- she also-- a lot-- she… likes ''plants'', so she kept… ones… around… then and now.

And she also liked to, uh, play games, so there's a… ''knight'' here. Yeah.

And she also had, uh, classic furniture in her room, and, uh… around the house, because, uh, they belonged to her parents, so here's a ''hutch''. Yeah.

So, anyway, let's go up to, uh… ''her'' room… [''moves the tour to the second floor''] that she shared with a few of her sisters. Yeah.

Like I said, she shared her room with, uh, her ''sisters''… so, we got a big bed. [''rolls back and forth in bed''] See that? More than one person can sleep in it.

But, of course, in the little… ''room'' of hers… she, uh, does things hard, so she do-- does a lot of work. Not only did she work outside, but she worked inside: she made ''clothes''. So, here's a sewing machine for that.

And, of course, she, uh, worked hard when she went to school… [''something produces a loud farting noise, and it’s difficult to tell whether it’s the game or Chris''], so she, uh, had a lot of writing to do.

And to line up her making clothes, the, uh-- she made-- prob’ly made a dolly or two.

And here's a couple of her ''fine designs''.

Anyway, she keep-- she kept her clothes in her, uh, closets, as well as her, uh, fabrics that she used. Although, y'know, back in her day, I'm surprised she did not get her fabrics [[Random-access humor|missed up with her clothes]], because if she wore the little fabrics, well… wouldn't’ve covered much!

Anyway, of course, she likes to keep ''pretty'', so, uh… she always liked to… [''uses a baby voice''] "have a liddle fun adda miwwah".

So, anyway, uh, we're gonna head downstairs for, uh, a little sad part in the, uh, days of old. [''moves the tour down to the basement'']

This would be what you would call a, uh, kitchen-slash-dining room.

[''does a half-hearted impression of Barb''] "Hey! Soup's on! Who wants soup?"

Yeah-- oh, yeah – she likes the ''old'' st-- to get old stuff, as well, so, she’s got a little ''tea'' set here.

And, uh, we got a kitchen… fridge, and a stove.

Here's a little fan to keep cool with.

Keep food in this little, uh… pantry.

And she keeps her, uh, brooms and mops in the old closet, here. Although, somebody brought out the mop; somebody wanted to clean up. You put your garbage in the garbage can.

And this is the sad part. And it get-- and sometime-- in some places nowa-- in, uh, very few houses nowadays, but what happened in the, uh, ''old'' days: the bathroom was in the same room as, uh, the kitchen.

But luckily, [[Lie|we always remember to wash our hands with soap and water]].

Yeah.

But anyway, that's just in the days of old. Nowadays, she ''does'' have a b-- private bathroom. Yeah.

[''leaves Barb’s house to conclude tour'']

But anyway, she's better off now than she was in the old days… because, uh… we'll time-travel… forward.

Yeah – now, we're gonna time-travel forward…

[jump cut to Chris playing as himself again]

…to the ''present'', here.

Yep – back to the present, we is!

But like I said: uh… Mom and Dad, they, uh, met each other. Oh yeah – I forgot to tell ya how they met. Let's go back into Father's house and sssee how it… was.

[''enters Bob’s house and goes down to the basement'']

They met over at Matty's pub, see?

Yeah. Mom was just, uh, sittin' down with her friend. She was watching, uh, "Bobby", uh, sing up here. And, well, she like-- she really liked his, uh, singing, so, uh, she-- as ''Father'' put it: she went up to him, and then, uh… as he passed by to change the Fer-- change the Thermo-- "Thermostat"? Yeah. Anyway, she chased him down the hallway… and cornered him.

And then, uh, after that, sh-- they just talked: like, they just, uh, talked things out, and they, uh, g-got to know each other. Found common things.

But then, in 1980, they ''did'' get married. But that was ''Father's'' side of the story – the "chasing down the hallway" thing – because Mom says that that's not exactly "right".

But anyway, this is where they met: over here at Matty's pub.

And there's a little thing that… you couldn't have without Father’s plastic molding machines: a trash can.

[''leaves Bob’s house again'']

So, anyway, this is on the-- this day that this video will be ''shown'' – but on the day that it’s recorded: ''tomorrow''-- I mean, it was ''yesterday'' it was recorded – yeah – that these two were wed. So, it was, like, 24 years ago ''today'' that this video was shown-- is shown… that-- that the prrr-- that the, uh, priest said:

[''does a half-hearted impression of a priest''] "Bob, do you take this woman to be your lubbily-wedded wife? To love and hold and cherish, and to honor?"

[''uses a retarded voice''] "I do! "

[''does same half-hearted impression of a priest''] "And do you, Barbara, take this man to be your lawfully-wedded husband? To love and cherish, and to honor forever?"

[''uses a voice that sounds like Portal’s GLaDOS''] "I do!"

[''does same half-hearted impression of a priest again''] "I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride!"

[''does a half-hearted impression of Bob''] "Whoopee!"

[''uses a deep, singsong voice''] "Happy days are here again!"

And now, let's take a look at the, uh, house… that, uh, [[Love Quest|love]] brought.

[''enters Chandler household to start tour of first floor'']

This here is the ''family room''… below, uh-- above that downstairs that, uh, Mom and Dad share.

They brought everything with them between the, uh, "something old, something borrowed, something new, something blue".

Well, there's a little blue there in the, uh, ''barber's'' pole. A little something old from Dad's house.

But, of course, nowadays, Father will, uh, watch television and fall asleep on this… comfy chair…

…when it's night. Of course, he's awake during the day.

And Mom will, uh-- she'll sometimes sleep on the couch.

But, of course, they, uh, sleep in their bed here. Big enough for two!

And they have a computer to [[Mass debate|surf the Web]] with.

[''swallows and exhales'']

And, uh, we used to have a, uh, ''player'' piano.

Let us play. [''plays that same unrecognizable melody again'']

Hold on a second.

Plays better when there's no music on from another source!

[''plays that same unrecognizable melody yet again'']

That's the ticket!

==Part 3==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 3
| image = {{#ev:youtube|Om04jRARank}}
| Stardate = 07 [[June 2004]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games}}[[Video games]]; Relatives
| Performance Style = {{Reason}}Reason
| Other = {{Direct Feed}}Machinima; {{Leaked}}[[DVD|Leaked]]
| previous = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_2|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 2]]
| next = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Song|So Need a Cute Girl]]}}</center>

{{quote|THANK YOU BOTH FOR MY BIRTH!}}

===Transcript===

But anyway, when-- first comes love, then comes marriage… then, they come along with their [[Fuck quest|baby carriage]]. And that's where I came in; born in February 1982 was me.

Yeah – just two years after they got-- uh, this-- ''less'' than two years after they got married.

So, anyway, this is ''my'' bedroom… and my, uh, TV, and video games. I'd have an entertainment center, but… they didn't have one of those here in Animal Crossing. So, I had to make do. But it's a big TV.

And I got a nice bed, a love couch. Oh – my first video game system was a Commodore 64, here. Good computer, it was; had some great games on it! Of course, I would have to say my ''second'' system after this would be the original Game Boy.

Yeah. But anyway, I kept my video-- I keep my video games nowadays ‘cause I got lots of 'em on ''shelves''… and stuff. Yeah.

But anyway, I got my room decorated with a bunch of posters. Yeah – look at all these posters!

Yeah – of course, uh, you got my ''bed'' here; it's my favorite color: blue.

[''moves the tour down to the basement'']

Yeah – and, uh, along with the few video games, we got more video games down here in the basement. Of course, in the real world, down here in the basement-slash-utility room, it'd be Father's records. But in he-- in Animal Crossing, got all my N-- got my NES collection down here.

Oh – and look at this: [[I Got A Fish|I caught an angel fish]]. This is an angel fish.

Oh – and here's a model! It's a space shuttle. Yeah.

[''leaves own house to conclude tour'']

Anyway, uh, now, we're gonna take a trip back to, uh, Father's house for a special… deal.

[''enters Bob’s house while still playing as himself'']

[''goes down to Bob’s basement bar'']

As a little retribution for, uh… how things were, we're gonna play a little number on the jukebox here. But since we don't have "Side by Side" on recording, we're play-- we're gonna play, uh… "Sittin' Under The Apple Tree".

[''plays the 1942 hit "Don’t Sit Under The Apple Tree" in full'']

''"Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me! 
''Anyone else but me! 
''Ooh! Anyone else but me! No, no, no! 
''Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me 
''Till I come marchin' home! 

''Don't go walkin' down lover's lane with anyone else but me! 
''Anyone else but me! 
''Anyone else but me! No, no, no! 
''Don't go walkin' down lover's lane with anyone else but me 
''Till I come marchin' home! 

''I just got word from a guy who heard 
''From the guy next door to me: 
''The girl he met just loves to pet, 
''And it fits you to a tee! So… 
''Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me 
''Till I come marchin' home! 

''Don't give out with those lips of yours to anyone else but me! 
''Anyone else but me! 
''Anyone else but me! No, no, no! 
''Watch the girls on the foreign shores? You'll have to report to me 
''When you come marchin' home! 

''Don't hold anyone on your knee! You better be true to me! 
''You better be true to me! 
''You better be true to me! 
''Don't hold anyone on your knee! You're gettin' the third degree 
''When you come marchin' home! 

''You're on your own where there is no phone 
''And I can't keep tabs on you! 
''Be fair to me, I'll guarantee 
''This is one thing that I'll do: 
''I won't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but you 
''Till you come marchin' home! 

''Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me! 
''I know the apple tree 
''Is reserved for you and me! 
''And I'll be true 
''Till you come marchin' home!''"

And there you have a nice little blast from the past!

Now, we're gonna take a trip back up here… [''heads back upstairs and leaves Bob’s house''] and we're back outside.

And now, for, uh, my mom and dad: a little something special for this, uh, video.

This is my way of saying "Happy B-- Anniversary" to y'all.

Coming up next:

[smash cut to a ridiculously crude computer drawing of a wedding cake with the words "To Mom & Dad. / HAPPY / ANNIVERSARY / THANK YOU BOTH FOR MY BIRTH! / Love Christian C." written on its several layers]

[''a grating Mario Paint rendition of "Happy Birthday" plays several times as [[Sonichu Zip|an image of Sonichu zips]] across the screen from left to right over and over again'']

Yeah. [''sounding suddenly emotional (or else congested)''] I love you both! Thank y'all for givin' birth to me, y'know. So, now, we're gonna pretty much end this documentary special.

[''all in-game flyers from the beginning of the video scroll by in reverse'']

Let’s see… where did this go?

Yeah – here it is.

[''sings roughly to the tune of the [[Wikipedia:William Tell Overture|William Tell Overture’s finale]] while scrolling back through the flyers glimpsed earlier'']

Happy anniversary! Happy anniversary! 
Happy anniversary! Haaappy anniversary! 
La-la, la-la, la-la, la-la, la-la, la-la, laaa-laaaa! 
La-la, la-la, la-la, la-la, laa-laa-laaaa! Ohhh! 
Happy anniversary! Happy anniversary! 
Happy anniversary! Haaappy anniversary! 
Dun-duh, dun-duh, dun-duh, dun-duh, dun-duh, dun-duh, doh-dohh-dohhh! 
La-ta, duh-tuh, di-tuh, di-tuh, doh-doh-dohh! Ohhhhhh! 
Happy anniversary! Happy anniversary! 
Happy anniversary! Haaappy anniversary! 
Loo-too, doo-too, doo-too, doo-too, doo-too, doo-too, doo-doo-dooo! 
Loo-too, doo-too, doo-too, doo-doo-dooo! 
[''sounding suddenly passionate (or else in terrible pain) as he retreats into his own house while moaning one final verse''] 
Ohhhhhhhh!

[''resumes speaking normally'']

''Till next tiiime…''

Good night, folks!

[''continues filming, even though all he’s doing is saving his game data'']

Thank you, and good night!

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Animal Crossing Documentary]]|nextlink=[[So Need a Cute Girl]]|}}

{{CWC on TV}}
{{Game Videos}}

The Simpsons

2010-02-23T01:21:17Z

Llort: there's really no reason whatsoever to list the ways in which Family Guy rips off the Simpsons

{{Orphaned}}

[[Image:DorkyExpression.jpg|thumb|Chris rips off Homer Simpson's catchphrase.]]

'''The Simpsons''' is a cartoon about an extremely dysfunctional family, their daily life, and their various wacky adventures. At first the show was considered a classic, but over the years the quality has degenerated, with ridiculous storylines and token celebrity appearances now the order of the day. Of course, like all mediocre cartoons, [[Christian Weston Chandler|Chris]] loves it, although not as much as he loves the sub-par rip-off, [[Family Guy]].

Unlike other bad shows, Chris seems to distance himself from it. However, he still seems to be a huge fan of the show, going so far as to video himself [[What%27s_the_Name,_Christian_Chandler,_C_H_R_I_S_C_H_A_N|singing his own version of the Mr. Plow remix]] that featured in a recent ''The Simpsons'' 20th anniversary special. When Chris finally [[Long_Island_Iced_Tea#Grip_.27n.27_Sip|decided to drink alcohol]], his drink of choice was the Long Island Iced Tea, influenced by an episode where Marge Simpson drank one. It also seems from the [[Secret Weapon]] video that at times Chris laughs like Nelson, a character of the series known for his signature "Ha-ha!" laugh. It recently seems that a poster of Marge's Playboy magazine cover has become one of his many defenses against becoming a [[homo|homo.]]

{{stub}}

[[Category:Things Chris has ripped off]]

Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez

2010-02-20T21:23:28Z

Llort:

[[Image:geraldandlouie.JPG|right|thumb|Constables Gerald (left) and Louis, with firm friend [[Sonichu]].]]
{{quote|And there are people of other countries and colors within Cwcville, like I have just introduced Cwcville Police Constable, Louis Perez; he's a [[black]] dude, yes, and you can see the "bro-han" link I am comfortable drawing and portraying with such.|- Chris, being not racist.}}

'''Constables Gerald Grant and Louis Perez''' are two of [[Cwcville]]'s policemen (true blue, not [[Jerkops]]) who show up in [[Sonichu 10]] to apprehend [[Inos]]. Despite this being their first appearance, they are shown as good friends of [[Sonichu]].

Gerald is the white officer, with a strong chin resembling Quagmire of ''[[Family Guy]]''. He takes a [[Pedofork|particular interest]] in Sonichu's son [[Sonichu and Rosechu's Children|Robbie]].

Louis is the [[Niggos|black officer]] - Chris has confirmed that his addition was affirmative action in [[Mailbag_50#And_in_closing...|Mailbag 50]]. He greets Sonichu with a hearty "MY BRO!" and a fist-bump. Chris is clearly pulling out all the stops to achieve a diverse and nuanced cast. Sonichu in turn inquires about his wife and "[[duck|little Lou]]"; they are reportedly "just chillin'".

It is worth noting that the office of Constable is no longer used in [[Virginia]], calling into question the legitimacy of their authority.

[[Category:Characters]]

Talk:Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8

2010-02-20T15:57:58Z

Llort: /* about the beeps */

This is fucking incredible.--[[User:Beat|Beat]] 07:12, 19 February 2010 (UTC)

Usually I like jumping in and making minor edits to phone calls. I did a couple to Alec calls 1 and 2. But I can't dive into this one. Alec sounds genuinely concerned about the tard. I can't be neutral on this. [[User:TheBrownSonichu|TheBrownSonichu]] 07:44, 19 February 2010 (UTC)
: It's good to see someone who seems interested in helping him out, and sticking through Chris's BS to get it done.[[User:Double Nega|Double Nega]] 13:53, 19 February 2010 (UTC)

Oh god. I was right about the Voltorb in the toilet. Why do I feel dirty?--[[User:MoarLurk|MoarLurk]] 14:21, 19 February 2010 (UTC)

I've had mixed feelings about ABL's previous calls, but this one is a true masterpiece. He used Chris's bullshit logic against him and left him with no choice but to accept it. He manipulates Chris impeccably and never seems to miss anything that Chris has said earlier in the conversation - He calls him on every single bit of shit he's tried to pull. Fantastic. A Crowning Moment of Awesome in Christory. - [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 22:00, 19 February 2010 (UTC)

==Transcription==

Currently up to 20:34. Gonna try to plug up to maybe 25-30 minutes. Alec fucking with Chris's bizarre grasp of metafictional reality is some next-level shit. [[User:Dkaien|Dkaien]] 12:28, 19 February 2010 (UTC)

==Beep Beep Boop Boop Beep Boop Beep==

When Chris started randomly pressing phone keys over and over again in a futile attempt to get Alec to hang up on him in frustration, I had to stop the tape because I was literally in tears laughing. [[User:Llort|Llort]] 19:59, 19 February 2010 (UTC)
: Can we be sure that he was doing that to get rid of Alec? That was my first thought too. [[User:TheBrownSonichu|TheBrownSonichu]] 20:05, 19 February 2010 (UTC)

== about the beeps ==
no idea about what it was still but this call is actually two put together apparently. but it was all in one night so it was stuck together anyway. [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 01:57, 20 February 2010 (UTC)
:* If we know where a first call ends and a second call begins, it might be worth making a note at that point in the transcript. [[User:Llort|Llort]] 02:41, 20 February 2010 (UTC)
::*it should be obvious but it was after the beeps [[User:Clydec|Clydec]] 05:06, 20 February 2010 (UTC)
:::* Well, yeah - that's where I would assume a break occurs, except for the fact that Chris doesn't have Alec's phone number. (Or, at least, I seem to recall Alec refusing to give Chris his phone number during one of the last couple of calls.) So, when Chris comes back on the line after the beeps, I assumed that that was Chris (shamed by Alec calling him out on pushing buttons) coming back on the line and talking again during the ''same'' call. And when Alec responds with "okay - well, good to have you back" or whatever, I assumed that he was just playing along with Chris claiming to have lost connection when nothing of the sort actually happened. [[User:Llort|Llort]] 15:57, 20 February 2010 (UTC)

== An attempt to decode the dial tones ==

Why why why why WHY do I get the craziest ideas at 4 o'clock in the night?

So, I lopped the dial tone section off the MP3 file (about 27 minutes in if someone else wants to try this), fed it to the first DTMF decoder program I happened to find with a bit of googling (make that first that actually produced any output at all), and it spat out...

3125632589632145896321258624231561523635832147413663574147236464

That's only 64 numbers though, and there's about 70 numbers dialled (I'm too tired to listen again), so it's possible the program was confused by the talk on the background. Also, I pretty much just picked up the first software I had at hand and I have little practical knowledge of DTMF. In short, this is bullshit until someone with more alertness and clue about things can confirm this. =) --''[[User:Wwwwolf|wwwwolf]]'' ([[User talk:Wwwwolf|wake me when you need me]]) 02:56, 20 February 2010 (UTC)

Talk:Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8

2010-02-20T02:41:20Z

Llort: /* about the beeps */

File talk:TheIncredibleLioness.jpg

2010-02-20T00:43:20Z

Llort:

Anyone else realised that the "I am woman, hear me roar" line was probably stolen from the Rugrats's "I am Reptar, hear me roar"? Not even a fucking ounce of creativity exists within him. [[User_talk:Rubidium|37]] [[User:Rubidium|'''Rb''']] [[Special:Contributions/Rubidium|85.468]] 23:34, 19 February 2010 (UTC)
*I thought of [[Wikipedia:Batman Returns]] - "I am Catwoman, hear me roar. Meow." Either way, not an original bone in his body. And how can I delete this file? There's already one uploaded in the [[Rosechu]] article; this is a duplicate.- [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 00:26, 20 February 2010 (UTC)
:* "I am woman! Hear me roar!" is the opening verse of "I Am Woman": a song from 1972 that became the unofficial anthem of the women's liberation movement for the remainder of the '70s. (The phrase is still used today, but mostly ironically, to mock modern feminism.) The "I am Reptar! Hear me roar!" from ''Rugrats'' and the "I am Catwoman! Hear me roar!" from ''Batman Returns'' are both merely parodies of the original line that Chris has in fact misappropriated. So... you're both wrong on the source, but you're both righter than you thought you were regarding just how uncreative Chris is! [[User:Llort|Llort]] 00:40, 20 February 2010 (UTC)

File talk:TheIncredibleLioness.jpg

2010-02-20T00:40:15Z

Llort: goddamn - I'm younger than Chris, and I *still* know this shit!

Anyone else realised that the "I am woman, hear me roar" line was probably stolen from the Rugrats's "I am Reptar, hear me roar"? Not even a fucking ounce of creativity exists within him. [[User_talk:Rubidium|37]] [[User:Rubidium|'''Rb''']] [[Special:Contributions/Rubidium|85.468]] 23:34, 19 February 2010 (UTC)
*I thought of [[Wikipedia:Batman Returns]] - "I am Catwoman, hear me roar. Meow." Either way, not an original bone in his body. And how can I delete this file? There's already one uploaded in the [[Rosechu]] article; this is a duplicate.- [[User:Liquid!|Liquid!]] 00:26, 20 February 2010 (UTC)
:* "I am woman! Hear me roar!" is the opening verse of "I Am Woman": a song from 1972 that became the unofficial anthem of the women's liberation movement for the remainder of the '70s. (The phrase is still used today, but mostly ironically, to mock modern feminism.) The "I am Reptar! Hear me roar!" from ''Rugrats'' and the "I am Catwoman! Hear me roar!" from ''Batman Returns'' are both merely parodies of the original line that Chris has in fact misappropriated. So... you're both wrong on the source, but you're both righter that you thought you were regarding just how uncreative Chris is! [[User:Llort|Llort]] 00:40, 20 February 2010 (UTC)

User talk:Liquid!

2010-02-19T22:51:57Z

Llort: Created page with '==The Incredible Lioness== <nowiki>*drops help bomb*</nowiki> "That's how ya do it, son." *soars away as you blow up* ~~~~'

==The Incredible Lioness==

<nowiki>*drops help bomb*</nowiki> "That's how ya do it, son." *soars away as you blow up* [[User:Llort|Llort]] 22:51, 19 February 2010 (UTC)

Template:Picture of the now

2010-02-19T22:47:50Z

Llort:

[[File:RosechuTheIncredibleLioness.jpg|227px|left|lolwut?]]

[[Chris]] crafts an entire [http://cogsdev.110mb.com/cwcipedia/index.php/Rosechu#.28Temporary_Transformation.29_The_Incredible_Lioness character] out of the faceraping monstrosity from [[Sonichu 8]]. Nudity (and [[Things Chris has ripped off|unoriginality]]) is apparently a key character trait of 'The Incredible Lioness'.

<noinclude>[[Category: Front page templates]]</noinclude>

Talk:Alec Benson Leary Phone Call 8

2010-02-19T19:59:19Z

Llort:

The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special

2010-02-16T21:02:26Z

Llort: /* Part 2 */

[[Image:HappyAnniversary.jpg|thumb|right|"Thanks for not aborting me!"]]

'''The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special''' is a video that [[Chris]] made as a gift for Bob and Barbara in the spring of [[2004]]. It offers a wealth of information regarding Chris's parents, such as how they met in a [[alcohol|bar]].

==Part 1==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 1
| image = {{#ev:youtube|24lUfJf4cNU}}
| Stardate = 7th [[June 2004]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games}}[[Video games]]; Family
| Performance Style = {{Reason}}Reason
| Other = {{Direct Feed}}Machinima; {{Leaked}}[[DVD|Leaked]]
| previous = [[Animal_Crossing_Documentary#Watch|Animal Crossing Documentary]]
| next = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_2|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 2]]
}}</center>

{{quote|This is my little present for y'all.}}

===Transcript===

[''two in-game flyers appear'']

Nintendo Presents / A Christian/Sonichu Production

For Barbara & Robert Chandler (Christian' Mom & Dad) / It's…

[''theme music plays briefly over opening animation'']

[''another in-game flyer appears'']

The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special / Now here's your host, Christian Chandler!

[''four more in-game flyers scroll by in a blur'']

Most of everything was done by Christian Chandler. / Games used for this program: Animal Crossing, Mario Paint

With Special Thanks to Nintendo, Barbara Chandler, Robert Chandler, Christian Chandler

This has been a / Christian/Sonichu production. / The End

Stay Tuned for Behind the Scenes Action…

[''one last in-game flyer appears'']

Due to limited items, the following program may have some innacurate furniture for each parent…

[''starts playing ''Animal Crossing'' as himself'']

Hi, Mom and Dad. How're you doing? This is my little present for y'all: a little… documentary for y'all, here in [[Animal Crossing]] for Nintendo GameCube… about how y'all were, and how you are now, and so forth. So, take a trip back in time with me, won't you, as we explore, uh, how each of you were.

Of course, first, we'll travel back in time tooo…

[jump cut to Chris playing as Bob]

…the time of good ol' [[Bob|Robert Franklin Chandler, Jr.]] He was a hip youngster back in his day. And, uh… all that stuff he… was-- he fought in the war, he likes-- well, he worked-- he worked hard, and stuff. Let's take a look inside his château, and, uh… see what describes him as him.

[''enters Bob’s house to start tour of first floor'']

He collects records, and he's got lots of 'em, and he's got so many shelves. He likes [unintelligible] record case. Yeah.

Anyway, let's see, uh, he likes to, uh, make models, and he likes trains. This is a train model set. Look: it's got a cute little tunnel. Yeah.

And, y’know, this-- he didn't have it back then, but he has it now. He likes to sit back and watch television.

Like I said, he likes scale models. And here's a good model: a rocket. Yeah. He was a technical engineer over at, uh, General Electric Company. Yup – he designed the controls for plastic molding machines, so, without him, you couldn't have the plastic for, uh… say, the toy ''train'', here. Yes.

And he also, uh, went around the world a bit. One place: he went to New York. See, there's the Statue of Liberty, there.

He also, uh-- he was born in, uh, ''Texas''. That's why we have this little cactus here. Oh, and here's a little bo-- ship in a bottle, here, 'cause, y'know, he ''did'' go around the world. At least by water.

He was born a [[Cherokian Clan|Cherokee]] in, uh, Texas. Actually, he was-- he was, like, one-[[Speech Impediment|sisteenths]] Cherokee. But… that's why we have this totem pole here. And this Chinese Lion here… that's, uh-- he was-- he's been-- [[honor_roll|he's been to Korea… for a war in… World War II, I believe it was]]. And he got… a conduct Medal of Honor, so, that's what this is right here.

And you'll notice this is his shirt. It's a… blue tartan. Same pattern as is his, uh, ''regular'' shirt. That's what they call it in Animal Crossing. This pattern here for his ''um-''brella is a composition of four trumpets, 'cause, uh… he likes music. Of course.

Of course, he likes to think, so, while he's thinking he, uh… pays the bills on his, uh… desk, and, uh… nowadays, he uses a computer, but back in the da-- back in his ''old'' days, the-- a computer would fill up a ''whole room''… and it would have been much bigger than a refrigerator. And everybody in the business ''loved'' computers. [''does an impression of a baby computer''] "I love you, big com-pyu-dah."

Which I could say the same thing for, uh, a radio. Back then, in the 1930s, it was the size of a refrigerator. And everybody ''loved'' the radio, as well. [''does a half-hearted impression of Bob''] "I love you, radio".

And, of course, when he does his, uh, thinking, he, uh-- so, he likes wipin' out. He may have had one before, but he doesn't have one now: a chalkboard. And you know what he's thinkin' about at this moment? Social studies. [''laughs like Peter Griffin''] That's written by ''de-''fault on the chalkboard. And, of course, he likes to play games, so we have this little chessboard here.

And, uh, he's a bit of an outdoors person, as well… [''moves the tour to the second floor''] so, here's a representation of our backyard… or, probably "his" backyard, in the day.

Anyway, we have, uh… yeah – sprinklers watering the garden. We have a little pond. Hey! [''does another half-hearted impression of Bob''] "Who's up for a burgerrr? Who's up for a burgerrr?" Yeah.

He can also look into outer space, with this telescope. Mmm… I see there's the, uh… Sun. I can't look directly into it because it's so bright. If I turn it a little bit… oh – look – I see the Moon. The Mooon-a.

And, of course, he, uh, takes care of his, uh, yard and flowers, so, he usually likes to… ''mow the lawn''. ''Mow the lawn.'' ''Mow the lawn.''

And, uh, when he can, with, uh… with his, uh, girlfriend, back in the day, was [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]]. Yeah. Take her on a picnic. Yeah. Nice little picnic table.

So, now, we go downstairs to another point-- another good point in his, uh, life: [''moves the tour down to the basement''] Good ol' Manny's Pub. Yeah. Got everything.

He, uh, drank coffee 'round here, an'… stuff. But most of the time, around here, in Manny's pub, he sang… up here on the stage. Along with the, uh… classic jazz music of the day.

And, of course, y’know, in a pub, you always have a bartender.

[''does yet another half-hearted impression of Bob''] "Hey, barkeep! Lemme have a, uh, [[Long Island Iced Tea|martini]], will ya?"

[''does impression of bartender''] "I'm sorry, bud, but we have no martinis."

[''returns to same bad impression of Bob''] "Oh, okay, then, just get me a… b-brewski."

[''does impression of same bartender suddenly drunk''] "One [[reeb|''beer'']], comin' up!"

[''chuckles'']

At bars, you notice, of course, they have a… telephone to talk to, uh, people. Of course, uh, yeah, back then-- [''reassures himself''] yeah, they had telephones.

And, of course, like I see, I've been into good music, so…

Here's a good ezzample. [''plays unrecognizable melody on piano'']

Here, uh, let me give that to you again. [''plays same unrecognizable melody'']

That's a little tune I whipped up: uh, [[Sonic|Sonic's]] theme song. That's, uh… that's a town tune… that’s on there.

And, of course, he also likes the, uh, other classical instruments, such as a cello. [[Random Access Humor|He should-- he should’ve hung around in a room that was mellow; then, he wouldn't've liked the cello!]]

[''leaves Bob’s house to conclude tour'']

But anyway, uh, that's pretty much the last of Bob Chandler. Of course, in no-- in a-- in a ''hero'' business, he's also known as "Flower Man"… ‘cause he saves flowers' lives more than humans'.

So, now… let's time travel… to another time…

[jump cut to Chris playing as Barbara]

…for-- yeah – the time of [[Barbara Chandler]]… which-- here she is. But, of course, uh, naturally, she has ''brown'' hair, but since it’s Animal Crossing, they gave me ''blue'' hair by ''de-''fault.

But anyway, let's go into ''her'' house and see what her lifestyle is.

[''enters Barbara’s house to start tour of first floor'']

Back in her childhood, they had a small house, but, yeah, she had many brothers and sisters--

==Part 2==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 2
| image = {{#ev:youtube|sIlqJzcLsig}}
| Stardate = 07 [[June 2004]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games}}[[Video games]]; Family
| Performance Style = {{Reason}}Reason
| Other = {{Direct Feed}}Machinima; {{Leaked}}[[DVD|Leaked]]
| previous = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_1|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 1]]
| next = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_3|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 3]]}}</center>

{{quote|In 1980, they *did* get married.}}

===Transcript===

--so she had to share.

But she had a quite a few… interests [unintelligible]. [''swallows and exhales''] But nowadays, she likes to use a computer, but, of course, y’know, back then, she couldn't have-- she didn't ''have'' one; they were all in the big business.

But back then, she went to school, and she worked hard. And see this, uh, shirt here? That's her school colors: blue and white, because, uh, back in high school… [''dresses Barb character in cheerleader outfit''] she was a [[Snorlax|cheerleader]]. [''does a half-hearted cheerleader impression''] "Rum-bum! Sis-boom-bah! Yay-yay! La-la-la! "

Yeah – and one time, when she was a cheerleader in high school, she got… ''tackled'' by a football player. Broke her ankle. And ever since then, she could no longer do the twist.

Anyway, sh-- like I said, [unintelligible] cheerleader years. Batons and pom-poms on her ''um-''brella.

Oh – by the way, y'know, I forgot to mention: for-- I put the trumpets and the bot-- batons here? I used Mario Paint to design… ''one'' set… and then, I multiplied it times four on Animal Crossing because… a, uh, Mario Paint stamp is equal to… ''one-quarter''… of a whole… Animal Crossing stamp. [''dresses Barb character in original outfit''] By the way, this is a ''daisy'' shirt she's wearing.

But anyway, uh, she, uh-- she also-- a lot-- she… likes ''plants'', so she kept… ones… around… then and now.

And she also liked to, uh, play games, so there's a… ''knight'' here. Yeah.

And she also had, uh, classic furniture in her room, and, uh… around the house, because, uh, they belonged to her parents, so here's a ''hutch''. Yeah.

So, anyway, let's go up to, uh… ''her'' room… [''moves the tour to the second floor''] that she shared with a few of her sisters. Yeah.

Like I said, she shared her room with, uh, her ''sisters''… so, we got a big bed. [''rolls back and forth in bed''] See that? More than one person can sleep in it.

But, of course, in the little… ''room'' of hers… she, uh, does things hard, so she do-- does a lot of work. Not only did she work outside, but she worked inside: she made ''clothes''. So, here's a sewing machine for that.

And, of course, she, uh, worked hard when she went to school… [''something produces a loud farting noise, and it’s difficult to tell whether it’s the game or Chris''], so she, uh, had a lot of writing to do.

And to line up her making clothes, the, uh-- she made-- prob’ly made a dolly or two.

And here's a couple of her ''fine designs''.

Anyway, she keep-- she kept her clothes in her, uh, closets, as well as her, uh, fabrics that she used. Although, y'know, back in her day, I'm surprised she did not get her fabrics [[Random-access humor|missed up with her clothes]], because if she wore the little fabrics, well… wouldn't’ve covered much!

Anyway, of course, she likes to keep ''pretty'', so, uh… she always liked to… [''uses a baby voice''] "have a liddle fun adda miwwah".

So, anyway, uh, we're gonna head downstairs for, uh, a little sad part in the, uh, days of old. [''moves the tour down to the basement'']

This would be what you would call a, uh, kitchen-slash-dining room.

[''does a half-hearted impression of Barb''] "Hey! Soup's on! Who wants soup?"

Yeah-- oh, yeah – she likes the ''old'' st-- to get old stuff, as well, so, she’s got a little ''tea'' set here.

And, uh, we got a kitchen… fridge, and a stove.

Here's a little fan to keep cool with.

Keep food in this little, uh… pantry.

And she keeps her, uh, brooms and mops in the old closet, here. Although, somebody brought out the mop; somebody wanted to clean up. You put your garbage in the garbage can.

And this is the sad part. And it get-- and sometime-- in some places nowa-- in, uh, very few houses nowadays, but what happened in the, uh, ''old'' days: the bathroom was in the same room as, uh, the kitchen.

But luckily, [[Lie|we always remember to wash our hands with soap and water]].

Yeah.

But anyway, that's just in the days of old. Nowadays, she ''does'' have a b-- private bathroom. Yeah.

[''leaves Barb’s house to conclude tour'']

But anyway, she's better off now than she was in the old days… because, uh… we'll time-travel… forward.

Yeah – now, we're gonna time-travel forward…

[jump cut to Chris playing as himself again]

…to the ''present'', here.

Yep – back to the present, we is!

But like I said: uh… Mom and Dad, they, uh, met each other. Oh yeah – I forgot to tell ya how they met. Let's go back into Father's house and sssee how it… was.

[''enters Bob’s house and goes down to the basement'']

They met over at Matty's pub, see?

Yeah. Mom was just, uh, sittin' down with her friend. She was watching, uh, "Bobby", uh, sing up here. And, well, she like-- she really liked his, uh, singing, so, uh, she-- as ''Father'' put it: she went up to him, and then, uh… as he passed by to change the Fer-- change the Thermo-- "Thermostat"? Yeah. Anyway, she chased him down the hallway… and cornered him.

And then, uh, after that, sh-- they just talked: like, they just, uh, talked things out, and they, uh, g-got to know each other. Found common things.

But then, in 1980, they ''did'' get married. But that was ''Father's'' side of the story – the "chasing down the hallway" thing – because Mom says that that's not exactly "right".

But anyway, this is where they met: over here at Matty's pub.

And there's a little thing that… you couldn't have without Father’s plastic molding machines: a trash can.

[''leaves Bob’s house again'']

So, anyway, this is on the-- this day that this video will be ''shown'' – but on the day that it’s recorded: ''tomorrow''-- I mean, it was ''yesterday'' it was recorded – yeah – that these two were wed. So, it was, like, 24 years ago ''today'' that this video was shown-- is shown… that-- that the prrr-- that the, uh, priest said:

[''does a half-hearted impression of a priest''] "Bob, do you take this woman to be your lubbily-wedded wife? To love and hold and cherish, and to honor?"

[''uses a retarded voice''] "I do! "

[''does same half-hearted impression of a priest''] "And do you, Barbara, take this man to be your lawfully-wedded husband? To love and cherish, and to honor forever?"

[''uses a voice that sounds like Portal’s GLaDOS''] "I do!"

[''does same half-hearted impression of a priest again''] "I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride!"

[''does a half-hearted impression of Bob''] "Whoopee!"

[''uses a deep, singsong voice''] "Happy days are here again!"

And now, let's take a look at the, uh, house… that, uh, [[Love Quest|love]] brought.

[''enters Chandler household to start tour of first floor'']

This here is the ''family room''… below, uh-- above that downstairs that, uh, Mom and Dad share.

They brought everything with them between the, uh, "something old, something borrowed, something new, something blue".

Well, there's a little blue there in the, uh, ''barber's'' pole. A little something old from Dad's house.

But, of course, nowadays, Father will, uh, watch television and fall asleep on this… comfy chair…

…when it's night. Of course, he's awake during the day.

And Mom will, uh-- she'll sometimes sleep on the couch.

But, of course, they, uh, sleep in their bed here. Big enough for two!

And they have a computer to [[Mass debate|surf the Web]] with.

[''swallows and exhales'']

And, uh, we used to have a, uh, ''player'' piano.

Let us play. [''plays that same unrecognizable melody again'']

Hold on a second.

Plays better when there's no music on from another source!

[''plays that same unrecognizable melody yet again'']

That's the ticket!

==Part 3==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 3
| image = {{#ev:youtube|Om04jRARank}}
| Stardate = 07 [[June 2004]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games}}[[Video games]]; Relatives
| Performance Style = {{Reason}}Reason
| Other = {{Direct Feed}}Machinima; {{Leaked}}[[DVD|Leaked]]
| previous = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_2|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 2]]
| next = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Song|So Need a Cute Girl]]}}</center>

{{quote|THANK YOU BOTH FOR MY BIRTH!}}

===Transcript===

...Anyway, when... first comes love, then comes marriage, then they come along with their [[Fuck quest|baby carriage]]. And that's where I came in. Born in February 1982 was me. Yeah, two years after they got—uhh, this—less than two years after they got married. So, anyway, this is my bedroom, and my, uhh, TV, and video games. I'd have an entertainment center, but they didn't have one of those here in Animal Crossing. I had to make do. But it's a big TV, and I got a nice bed, a love couch. Oh, my first video game system was a Commodore Sisty-Four, here. Good computer it was; had some great games on it. Of course, I would have to say my second system after this would be the original Game Boy. Yeah, but, anyway, I kept my videos—I keep my video games, nowadays, because I got lots of 'em, on shelves... and stuff.

Anyway, I got my room decorated with a bunch of posters. Yeah, look at all these posters. Yeah, of course, you got my bed here, it's my favorite color: blue. Yeah, along with the few video games, we have more video games down here in the basement. Of course, in real world, down here in the basement-slash-utility room, it'd be Father's records. But in he—in Animal Crossing, got all my N—got my NES collection down here. Oh, look at this, [[I Got A Fish|I caught an Angel fish]]. This is an Angel fish. Oh, and here's a model. It's a space shuttle. Yeah.

Anyway, uhh, now we're gonna take a trip back to, uhh, Father's house for a specialo... deal. As a lil' retribution for, ahh, how things were, we're gonna play a lil' number on the jukebox here, but, since we don't have "Side by Side" on recording, we're play—we're gonna play... "Sittin' Under the Apple Tree".

[''Old jazz comes on'']

[''Song: Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree - Glenn Miller''] 
''"Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me, 
''Anyone else but meee, 
''Oooh, anyone else but me, no, no, no, 
''Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me, 
'' 'Til I come marchin' home, 

''Don't go walkin' down lover's lane with anyone else but me, 
''Anyone else but meee, 
''Anyone else but meee, no, no, no, 
''Don't go walkin' down lover's lane with anyone else but me, 
'' 'Til I come marchin' home, 

''I just got word from the guy who heard, 
''From the guy next door to meee, 
''The girl he met just loves to pet, 
''And it fits you to a T, 
''So, don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me, 
'' 'Til I come marchin' hoooome, 

''Don't give out with those lips of yours to anyone else but me, 
''Anyone else but me, anyone else but me, no, no, no, 
''Watch those girls on foreign shores, you'll have to report to me, 
''When you come marchin' home, 

''Don't hold anyone on your knee, you better be true to me, 
''You better be true to me, you better be true to me, 
''Don't hold anyone on your knee, you're gettin' the third degree, 
''When you come marchin' home, 

''You're on your own where there is no phone, 
''And I can't keep tabs on you, 
''Be fair to me, I'll guarantee, 
''This is one thing that I'll do, 
''I won't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but you, 
'' 'Til you come marchin' home, 

''Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me, 
''I know the apple tree is reserved for you and meee, 
''And I'll be true 'til you come marchin' hoooome.'' 

And there you have a nice lil' classic jazz. Now, we're gonna take a trip back up here. Now, we're back outside. And now for, uhh, my mom and dad, a little something special for this, uhh, video. This my way of saying "Happy Anniversary" to y'all. Coming up next—

[''A shitty Mario Paint rendition of "Happy Birthday" plays.'']

[''A big multi-layered cake with the words "To Mom and Dad. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! THANK YOU BOTH FOR MY BIRTH! Love Christian C." scrawled across each layer with [[Sonichu|Sonichus]] in the background.'']

Yeah. I love you both. Thank y'all for givin' birth to me, y'know. So, now, we're gonna pretty much end this documentary special. [''inaudible mumbling''] Okay here it is.

[''sings to the tune of the Finale from the [[Wikipedia:William Tell Overture|William Tell Overture]]'']

''♪ Happy anniversary, happy ann-i-vers-a-ry, happy anniversary, haaaapy anniversary. Lalalalalalalalalala laaa laaaa! Lalalalalalalalala laa laaa laaaa! OHHHH! Happy anniversary, happy ann-i-vers-a-ry, happy anniversary, haaaapy anniversary. Dudududududududu doh dohhh! Ladadadadada doh dohhhhhhh! Happy anniversary, happy ann-i-vers-a-ry, happy anniversary, haaaapy anniversary! Dududududududududu dooo dooo doooooo. Lududududu dooo doooo. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ♪ ''

'Til the next time. Goodnight, folks! Thank you, and good night.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Animal Crossing Documentary]]|nextlink=[[So Need a Cute Girl]]|}}
{{CWC on TV}}
{{Game Videos}}

The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special

2010-02-16T20:59:06Z

Llort: /* Transcript */ full copy edit of Part 2

[[Image:HappyAnniversary.jpg|thumb|right|"Thanks for not aborting me!"]]

'''The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special''' is a video that [[Chris]] made as a gift for Bob and Barbara in the spring of [[2004]]. It offers a wealth of information regarding Chris's parents, such as how they met in a [[alcohol|bar]].

==Part 1==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 1
| image = {{#ev:youtube|24lUfJf4cNU}}
| Stardate = 7th [[June 2004]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games}}[[Video games]]; Family
| Performance Style = {{Reason}}Reason
| Other = {{Direct Feed}}Machinima; {{Leaked}}[[DVD|Leaked]]
| previous = [[Animal_Crossing_Documentary#Watch|Animal Crossing Documentary]]
| next = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_2|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 2]]
}}</center>

{{quote|This is my little present for y'all.}}

===Transcript===

[''two in-game flyers appear'']

Nintendo Presents / A Christian/Sonichu Production

For Barbara & Robert Chandler (Christian' Mom & Dad) / It's…

[''theme music plays briefly over opening animation'']

[''another in-game flyer appears'']

The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special / Now here's your host, Christian Chandler!

[''four more in-game flyers scroll by in a blur'']

Most of everything was done by Christian Chandler. / Games used for this program: Animal Crossing, Mario Paint

With Special Thanks to Nintendo, Barbara Chandler, Robert Chandler, Christian Chandler

This has been a / Christian/Sonichu production. / The End

Stay Tuned for Behind the Scenes Action…

[''one last in-game flyer appears'']

Due to limited items, the following program may have some innacurate furniture for each parent…

[''starts playing ''Animal Crossing'' as himself'']

Hi, Mom and Dad. How're you doing? This is my little present for y'all: a little… documentary for y'all, here in [[Animal Crossing]] for Nintendo GameCube… about how y'all were, and how you are now, and so forth. So, take a trip back in time with me, won't you, as we explore, uh, how each of you were.

Of course, first, we'll travel back in time tooo…

[jump cut to Chris playing as Bob]

…the time of good ol' [[Bob|Robert Franklin Chandler, Jr.]] He was a hip youngster back in his day. And, uh… all that stuff he… was-- he fought in the war, he likes-- well, he worked-- he worked hard, and stuff. Let's take a look inside his château, and, uh… see what describes him as him.

[''enters Bob’s house to start tour of first floor'']

He collects records, and he's got lots of 'em, and he's got so many shelves. He likes [unintelligible] record case. Yeah.

Anyway, let's see, uh, he likes to, uh, make models, and he likes trains. This is a train model set. Look: it's got a cute little tunnel. Yeah.

And, y’know, this-- he didn't have it back then, but he has it now. He likes to sit back and watch television.

Like I said, he likes scale models. And here's a good model: a rocket. Yeah. He was a technical engineer over at, uh, General Electric Company. Yup – he designed the controls for plastic molding machines, so, without him, you couldn't have the plastic for, uh… say, the toy ''train'', here. Yes.

And he also, uh, went around the world a bit. One place: he went to New York. See, there's the Statue of Liberty, there.

He also, uh-- he was born in, uh, ''Texas''. That's why we have this little cactus here. Oh, and here's a little bo-- ship in a bottle, here, 'cause, y'know, he ''did'' go around the world. At least by water.

He was born a [[Cherokian Clan|Cherokee]] in, uh, Texas. Actually, he was-- he was, like, one-[[Speech Impediment|sisteenths]] Cherokee. But… that's why we have this totem pole here. And this Chinese Lion here… that's, uh-- he was-- he's been-- [[honor_roll|he's been to Korea… for a war in… World War II, I believe it was]]. And he got… a conduct Medal of Honor, so, that's what this is right here.

And you'll notice this is his shirt. It's a… blue tartan. Same pattern as is his, uh, ''regular'' shirt. That's what they call it in Animal Crossing. This pattern here for his ''um-''brella is a composition of four trumpets, 'cause, uh… he likes music. Of course.

Of course, he likes to think, so, while he's thinking he, uh… pays the bills on his, uh… desk, and, uh… nowadays, he uses a computer, but back in the da-- back in his ''old'' days, the-- a computer would fill up a ''whole room''… and it would have been much bigger than a refrigerator. And everybody in the business ''loved'' computers. [''does an impression of a baby computer''] "I love you, big com-pyu-dah."

Which I could say the same thing for, uh, a radio. Back then, in the 1930s, it was the size of a refrigerator. And everybody ''loved'' the radio, as well. [''does a half-hearted impression of Bob''] "I love you, radio".

And, of course, when he does his, uh, thinking, he, uh-- so, he likes wipin' out. He may have had one before, but he doesn't have one now: a chalkboard. And you know what he's thinkin' about at this moment? Social studies. [''laughs like Peter Griffin''] That's written by ''de-''fault on the chalkboard. And, of course, he likes to play games, so we have this little chessboard here.

And, uh, he's a bit of an outdoors person, as well… [''moves the tour to the second floor''] so, here's a representation of our backyard… or, probably "his" backyard, in the day.

Anyway, we have, uh… yeah – sprinklers watering the garden. We have a little pond. Hey! [''does another half-hearted impression of Bob''] "Who's up for a burgerrr? Who's up for a burgerrr?" Yeah.

He can also look into outer space, with this telescope. Mmm… I see there's the, uh… Sun. I can't look directly into it because it's so bright. If I turn it a little bit… oh – look – I see the Moon. The Mooon-a.

And, of course, he, uh, takes care of his, uh, yard and flowers, so, he usually likes to… ''mow the lawn''. ''Mow the lawn.'' ''Mow the lawn.''

And, uh, when he can, with, uh… with his, uh, girlfriend, back in the day, was [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]]. Yeah. Take her on a picnic. Yeah. Nice little picnic table.

So, now, we go downstairs to another point-- another good point in his, uh, life: [''moves the tour down to the basement''] Good ol' Manny's Pub. Yeah. Got everything.

He, uh, drank coffee 'round here, an'… stuff. But most of the time, around here, in Manny's pub, he sang… up here on the stage. Along with the, uh… classic jazz music of the day.

And, of course, y’know, in a pub, you always have a bartender.

[''does yet another half-hearted impression of Bob''] "Hey, barkeep! Lemme have a, uh, [[Long Island Iced Tea|martini]], will ya?"

[''does impression of bartender''] "I'm sorry, bud, but we have no martinis."

[''returns to same bad impression of Bob''] "Oh, okay, then, just get me a… b-brewski."

[''does impression of same bartender suddenly drunk''] "One [[reeb|''beer'']], comin' up!"

[''chuckles'']

At bars, you notice, of course, they have a… telephone to talk to, uh, people. Of course, uh, yeah, back then-- [''reassures himself''] yeah, they had telephones.

And, of course, like I see, I've been into good music, so…

Here's a good ezzample. [''plays unrecognizable melody on piano'']

Here, uh, let me give that to you again. [''plays same unrecognizable melody'']

That's a little tune I whipped up: uh, [[Sonic|Sonic's]] theme song. That's, uh… that's a town tune… that’s on there.

And, of course, he also likes the, uh, other classical instruments, such as a cello. [[Random Access Humor|He should-- he should’ve hung around in a room that was mellow; then, he wouldn't've liked the cello!]]

[''leaves Bob’s house to conclude tour'']

But anyway, uh, that's pretty much the last of Bob Chandler. Of course, in no-- in a-- in a ''hero'' business, he's also known as "Flower Man"… ‘cause he saves flowers' lives more than humans'.

So, now… let's time travel… to another time…

[jump cut to Chris playing as Barbara]

…for-- yeah – the time of [[Barbara Chandler]]… which-- here she is. But, of course, uh, naturally, she has ''brown'' hair, but since it’s Animal Crossing, they gave me ''blue'' hair by ''de-''fault.

But anyway, let's go into ''her'' house and see what her lifestyle is.

[''enters Barbara’s house to start tour of first floor'']

Back in her childhood, they had a small house, but, yeah, she had many brothers and sisters--

==Part 2==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 2
| image = {{#ev:youtube|sIlqJzcLsig}}
| Stardate = 07 [[June 2004]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games}}[[Video games]]; Family
| Performance Style = {{Reason}}Reason
| Other = {{Direct Feed}}Machinima; {{Leaked}}[[DVD|Leaked]]
| previous = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_1|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 1]]
| next = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_3|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 3]]}}</center>

{{quote|She chased him down a hallway... and cornered him.}}

===Transcript===

--so she had to share.

But she had a quite a few… interests [unintelligible]. [''swallows and exhales''] But nowadays, she likes to use a computer, but, of course, y’know, back then, she couldn't have-- she didn't ''have'' one; they were all in the big business.

But back then, she went to school, and she worked hard. And see this, uh, shirt here? That's her school colors: blue and white, because, uh, back in high school… [''dresses Barb character in cheerleader outfit''] she was a [[Snorlax|cheerleader]]. [''does a half-hearted cheerleader impression''] "Rum-bum! Sis-boom-bah! Yay-yay! La-la-la! "

Yeah – and one time, when she was a cheerleader in high school, she got… ''tackled'' by a football player. Broke her ankle. And ever since then, she could no longer do the twist.

Anyway, sh-- like I said, [unintelligible] cheerleader years. Batons and pom-poms on her ''um-''brella.

Oh – by the way, y'know, I forgot to mention: for-- I put the trumpets and the bot-- batons here? I used Mario Paint to design… ''one'' set… and then, I multiplied it times four on Animal Crossing because… a, uh, Mario Paint stamp is equal to… ''one-quarter''… of a whole… Animal Crossing stamp. [''dresses Barb character in original outfit''] By the way, this is a ''daisy'' shirt she's wearing.

But anyway, uh, she, uh-- she also-- a lot-- she… likes ''plants'', so she kept… ones… around… then and now.

And she also liked to, uh, play games, so there's a… ''knight'' here. Yeah.

And she also had, uh, classic furniture in her room, and, uh… around the house, because, uh, they belonged to her parents, so here's a ''hutch''. Yeah.

So, anyway, let's go up to, uh… ''her'' room… [''moves the tour to the second floor''] that she shared with a few of her sisters. Yeah.

Like I said, she shared her room with, uh, her ''sisters''… so, we got a big bed. [''rolls back and forth in bed''] See that? More than one person can sleep in it.

But, of course, in the little… ''room'' of hers… she, uh, does things hard, so she do-- does a lot of work. Not only did she work outside, but she worked inside: she made ''clothes''. So, here's a sewing machine for that.

And, of course, she, uh, worked hard when she went to school… [''something produces a loud farting noise, and it’s difficult to tell whether it’s the game or Chris''], so she, uh, had a lot of writing to do.

And to line up her making clothes, the, uh-- she made-- prob’ly made a dolly or two.

And here's a couple of her ''fine designs''.

Anyway, she keep-- she kept her clothes in her, uh, closets, as well as her, uh, fabrics that she used. Although, y'know, back in her day, I'm surprised she did not get her fabrics [[Random-access humor|missed up with her clothes]], because if she wore the little fabrics, well… wouldn't’ve covered much!

Anyway, of course, she likes to keep ''pretty'', so, uh… she always liked to… [''uses a baby voice''] "have a liddle fun adda miwwah".

So, anyway, uh, we're gonna head downstairs for, uh, a little sad part in the, uh, days of old. [''moves the tour down to the basement'']

This would be what you would call a, uh, kitchen-slash-dining room.

[''does a half-hearted impression of Barb''] "Hey! Soup's on! Who wants soup?"

Yeah-- oh, yeah – she likes the ''old'' st-- to get old stuff, as well, so, she’s got a little ''tea'' set here.

And, uh, we got a kitchen… fridge, and a stove.

Here's a little fan to keep cool with.

Keep food in this little, uh… pantry.

And she keeps her, uh, brooms and mops in the old closet, here. Although, somebody brought out the mop; somebody wanted to clean up. You put your garbage in the garbage can.

And this is the sad part. And it get-- and sometime-- in some places nowa-- in, uh, very few houses nowadays, but what happened in the, uh, ''old'' days: the bathroom was in the same room as, uh, the kitchen.

But luckily, [[Lie|we always remember to wash our hands with soap and water]].

Yeah.

But anyway, that's just in the days of old. Nowadays, she ''does'' have a b-- private bathroom. Yeah.

[''leaves Barb’s house to conclude tour'']

But anyway, she's better off now than she was in the old days… because, uh… we'll time-travel… forward.

Yeah – now, we're gonna time-travel forward…

[jump cut to Chris playing as himself again]

…to the ''present'', here.

Yep – back to the present, we is!

But like I said: uh… Mom and Dad, they, uh, met each other. Oh yeah – I forgot to tell ya how they met. Let's go back into Father's house and sssee how it… was.

[''enters Bob’s house and goes down to the basement'']

They met over at Matty's pub, see?

Yeah. Mom was just, uh, sittin' down with her friend. She was watching, uh, "Bobby", uh, sing up here. And, well, she like-- she really liked his, uh, singing, so, uh, she-- as ''Father'' put it: she went up to him, and then, uh… as he passed by to change the Fer-- change the Thermo-- "Thermostat"? Yeah. Anyway, she chased him down the hallway… and cornered him.

And then, uh, after that, sh-- they just talked: like, they just, uh, talked things out, and they, uh, g-got to know each other. Found common things.

But then, in 1980, they ''did'' get married. But that was ''Father's'' side of the story – the "chasing down the hallway" thing – because Mom says that that's not exactly "right".

But anyway, this is where they met: over here at Matty's pub.

And there's a little thing that… you couldn't have without Father’s plastic molding machines: a trash can.

[''leaves Bob’s house again'']

So, anyway, this is on the-- this day that this video will be ''shown'' – but on the day that it’s recorded: ''tomorrow''-- I mean, it was ''yesterday'' it was recorded – yeah – that these two were wed. So, it was, like, 24 years ago ''today'' that this video was shown-- is shown… that-- that the prrr-- that the, uh, priest said:

[''does a half-hearted impression of a priest''] "Bob, do you take this woman to be your lubbily-wedded wife? To love and hold and cherish, and to honor?"

[''uses a retarded voice''] "I do! "

[''does same half-hearted impression of a priest''] "And do you, Barbara, take this man to be your lawfully-wedded husband? To love and cherish, and to honor forever?"

[''uses a voice that sounds like Portal’s GLaDOS''] "I do!"

[''does same half-hearted impression of a priest again''] "I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride!"

[''does a half-hearted impression of Bob''] "Whoopee!"

[''uses a deep, singsong voice''] "Happy days are here again!"

And now, let's take a look at the, uh, house… that, uh, [[Love Quest|love]] brought.

[''enters Chandler household to start tour of first floor'']

This here is the ''family room''… below, uh-- above that downstairs that, uh, Mom and Dad share.

They brought everything with them between the, uh, "something old, something borrowed, something new, something blue".

Well, there's a little blue there in the, uh, ''barber's'' pole. A little something old from Dad's house.

But, of course, nowadays, Father will, uh, watch television and fall asleep on this… comfy chair…

…when it's night. Of course, he's awake during the day.

And Mom will, uh-- she'll sometimes sleep on the couch.

But, of course, they, uh, sleep in their bed here. Big enough for two!

And they have a computer to [[Mass debate|surf the Web]] with.

[''swallows and exhales'']

And, uh, we used to have a, uh, ''player'' piano.

Let us play. [''plays that same unrecognizable melody again'']

Hold on a second.

Plays better when there's no music on from another source!

[''plays that same unrecognizable melody yet again'']

That's the ticket!

==Part 3==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 3
| image = {{#ev:youtube|Om04jRARank}}
| Stardate = 07 [[June 2004]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games}}[[Video games]]; Relatives
| Performance Style = {{Reason}}Reason
| Other = {{Direct Feed}}Machinima; {{Leaked}}[[DVD|Leaked]]
| previous = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_2|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 2]]
| next = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Song|So Need a Cute Girl]]}}</center>

{{quote|THANK YOU BOTH FOR MY BIRTH!}}

===Transcript===

...Anyway, when... first comes love, then comes marriage, then they come along with their [[Fuck quest|baby carriage]]. And that's where I came in. Born in February 1982 was me. Yeah, two years after they got—uhh, this—less than two years after they got married. So, anyway, this is my bedroom, and my, uhh, TV, and video games. I'd have an entertainment center, but they didn't have one of those here in Animal Crossing. I had to make do. But it's a big TV, and I got a nice bed, a love couch. Oh, my first video game system was a Commodore Sisty-Four, here. Good computer it was; had some great games on it. Of course, I would have to say my second system after this would be the original Game Boy. Yeah, but, anyway, I kept my videos—I keep my video games, nowadays, because I got lots of 'em, on shelves... and stuff.

Anyway, I got my room decorated with a bunch of posters. Yeah, look at all these posters. Yeah, of course, you got my bed here, it's my favorite color: blue. Yeah, along with the few video games, we have more video games down here in the basement. Of course, in real world, down here in the basement-slash-utility room, it'd be Father's records. But in he—in Animal Crossing, got all my N—got my NES collection down here. Oh, look at this, [[I Got A Fish|I caught an Angel fish]]. This is an Angel fish. Oh, and here's a model. It's a space shuttle. Yeah.

Anyway, uhh, now we're gonna take a trip back to, uhh, Father's house for a specialo... deal. As a lil' retribution for, ahh, how things were, we're gonna play a lil' number on the jukebox here, but, since we don't have "Side by Side" on recording, we're play—we're gonna play... "Sittin' Under the Apple Tree".

[''Old jazz comes on'']

[''Song: Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree - Glenn Miller''] 
''"Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me, 
''Anyone else but meee, 
''Oooh, anyone else but me, no, no, no, 
''Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me, 
'' 'Til I come marchin' home, 

''Don't go walkin' down lover's lane with anyone else but me, 
''Anyone else but meee, 
''Anyone else but meee, no, no, no, 
''Don't go walkin' down lover's lane with anyone else but me, 
'' 'Til I come marchin' home, 

''I just got word from the guy who heard, 
''From the guy next door to meee, 
''The girl he met just loves to pet, 
''And it fits you to a T, 
''So, don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me, 
'' 'Til I come marchin' hoooome, 

''Don't give out with those lips of yours to anyone else but me, 
''Anyone else but me, anyone else but me, no, no, no, 
''Watch those girls on foreign shores, you'll have to report to me, 
''When you come marchin' home, 

''Don't hold anyone on your knee, you better be true to me, 
''You better be true to me, you better be true to me, 
''Don't hold anyone on your knee, you're gettin' the third degree, 
''When you come marchin' home, 

''You're on your own where there is no phone, 
''And I can't keep tabs on you, 
''Be fair to me, I'll guarantee, 
''This is one thing that I'll do, 
''I won't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but you, 
'' 'Til you come marchin' home, 

''Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me, 
''I know the apple tree is reserved for you and meee, 
''And I'll be true 'til you come marchin' hoooome.'' 

And there you have a nice lil' classic jazz. Now, we're gonna take a trip back up here. Now, we're back outside. And now for, uhh, my mom and dad, a little something special for this, uhh, video. This my way of saying "Happy Anniversary" to y'all. Coming up next—

[''A shitty Mario Paint rendition of "Happy Birthday" plays.'']

[''A big multi-layered cake with the words "To Mom and Dad. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! THANK YOU BOTH FOR MY BIRTH! Love Christian C." scrawled across each layer with [[Sonichu|Sonichus]] in the background.'']

Yeah. I love you both. Thank y'all for givin' birth to me, y'know. So, now, we're gonna pretty much end this documentary special. [''inaudible mumbling''] Okay here it is.

[''sings to the tune of the Finale from the [[Wikipedia:William Tell Overture|William Tell Overture]]'']

''♪ Happy anniversary, happy ann-i-vers-a-ry, happy anniversary, haaaapy anniversary. Lalalalalalalalalala laaa laaaa! Lalalalalalalalala laa laaa laaaa! OHHHH! Happy anniversary, happy ann-i-vers-a-ry, happy anniversary, haaaapy anniversary. Dudududududududu doh dohhh! Ladadadadada doh dohhhhhhh! Happy anniversary, happy ann-i-vers-a-ry, happy anniversary, haaaapy anniversary! Dududududududududu dooo dooo doooooo. Lududududu dooo doooo. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ♪ ''

'Til the next time. Goodnight, folks! Thank you, and good night.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Animal Crossing Documentary]]|nextlink=[[So Need a Cute Girl]]|}}
{{CWC on TV}}
{{Game Videos}}

BlueSpike PSN Chat 1

2010-02-16T00:26:17Z

Llort: providing a transcript of Julie's letter

In '''BlueSpike PSN Chat 1''', [[BlueSpike]] chats with [[Chris]] undercover as Julie via the [[PlayStation Network]], from 16 February 2009. While this is the first of their PSN chats, they had been in communication for more than six weeks at this point, and chatted many times via Mumble and other methods.

==Summary==

This chat takes place just before the death of Chris's Aunt Corina, and his odd grasp of empathy is very much on display. He easily transitions from the death of his aunt to talking about the possibility of a three-way with Julie, but later talks about crying with his mother over her sister's illness. He says it sometimes takes some time for bad news to sink in before he reacts. (Corina died 15 days after this chat took place, on 21 February.) In regards the threesome, Julie points out the hypocrisy of Chris's refusal to bring another man into the relationship, since he'd be happy to bring in another woman. When pressed, Chris says he'd be fine with sharing Julie with another man, although whether he actually meant it is an open question.

Other aspects of Chris and Julie's conversation cover more mundane topics. We get a glimpse of an ordinary day in Chris's life - breakfast from Burger King, dinner from IHOP, feeding the family cats, a meeting with his counselor [[Rocky Shoemaker]], coloring comic pages, and playing video games in between. He is, as usual, slacking off on the comics he has promised to produce.

At one point, BlueSpike tries to get Chris's mother [[Barbara]] online, and while Chris is away he goes into a gleeful fit about "waking the Snorlax." However, it turns out that Barbara is too tired (and overweight and immobile) to come up and talk.

Towards the end of the chat, Chris talks a bit about his employment prospects. His [[Bob Chandler|father]], apparently, has informed him that his autism would make it hard to hold down a regular job. Chris claims that he plans to look for volunteer work instead, but he seems confused as to the basic definition of "volunteer" - he thinks he can do volunteer work and still get paid. When Julie points this out, he suddenly becomes afraid that Julie might leave him, and presses her on her plans to come visit him soon. She puts him off by promising more details in her upcoming letter, and the trolls mock Chris as he returns to work on his comics.

==Julie's Letter==

[[Image:LetterfromJulie(1of2).jpg|thumb|The letter that Julie sent Chris.]]

{{quotebox|2009 Feb. 15

Dear Chris-Chan Sonichu aka 
Christian Weston Chandler,

I'm writing you a letter like you wanted me to though the "snail mail". It's a lot harder to write a letter then it is to type one. :P But I love you enough that I'll do your request but e-mail is SO much easier so don't expect me to do this again any time soon. I also have an important message. As it turns out I will sadly not be able to make the trip to Virginia. I just don't have the money to get transportation to go there. So I will not be able to meet you in person unless you can possibly come here instead. :S Maybe now that you have this letter you can finally prove to your parents I'm real and we can meet in person and much MUCH more if you know what I mean. MEOW~ :3 I need some REAL LIFE milk from my "milk MAN". Also I'm thinking of attending a little church since you seem to love it so much and I want more things in comon between us. I hope you have a good supply of "rain-coats" and I'm SURE we're going to run out. Tell me when you get this letter. Also I hope you enjoy the pics included a friend took them with their camera and printed them out.

With tons of Love, 
Julie Milvana XOXOXO

[drawing of Sonic's head]

PS: As soon you recieve this letter, please read this letter out loud on a YouTube video, proving to those slanderous trolls that you have a true and honest loving heartsweet. I can't wait to use your face as a chair. ;)}}

==Transcript==

'''Chris:''' How ya doing?
 '''Julie:''' Chris, you don't s--you don't seem too broken up about the fact that your aunt died.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, like I said, I'm still recovering. I mean, I'm hurtin' inside.
 '''Julie:''' Yeah, all right.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, so, uh, ya got, so, so ya got the answer to my question that I asked you?
 '''Julie:''' What question?
 '''Chris:''' In the message I sent ya earlier.
 '''Julie:''' Oh, that. Could you tell me it again? I forget.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. Yeah, I basically asked, uh, how you feel about a threesome.
 '''Julie:''' Oh, well, uh..
 '''Chris:''' After we’ve done, like our --
 '''Julie:''' Well that is something I want to talk about. Chris, you said you don’t want it with two men, 'cause it would be gay, but if I do it with two women, then it's the same thing with me. It's kinda hypocritical.
 '''Chris:''' Well, hmm, uh, let me put it—let me put it to you this way...
 '''Julie:''' [''interrupts''] What? I'm sorry but I'm really offended you would, uh, say that. I-I-I'm sorry but I'm somewhat offended.
 '''Chris:''' I'm so—I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn't mean to offend you.
 '''Julie:''' Uh—That--that is okay, but, but, but that is just kind of offending. I-I just thought I would let you know that it’s quite offending to me. Because you--you know how when I say—
 '''Chris:''' [''interrupting, indistinct'']
 '''Julie:''' ‘Cause, Chris--
 '''Chris:''' Yes.
 '''Julie:''' --if you're willing to do that, then I would like a threesome with two men.
 '''Chris:''' Ehh… You know what? Uh… That's fine, that's fine.
 '''Julie:''' Really?
 '''Chris:''' ...Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' Oh.
 '''Chris:''' You know, after we do it a few times, uh… Yeah, you know, if you want, if you really want to do it with two guys, I’ll let’ch—I’ll—I’ll—I will respect you for that.
 '''Julie:''' Thank you. I appreciate that.
 '''Chris:''' Okay. That's cool.
 '''Julie:''' So is there anything else you want to talk about?
 '''Chris:''' Yes. Hmm… Yeah, like I—like I, yeah, I was sa—I was sad that Au—that my Aunt Corina died.
 '''Julie:''' I thought you said she was dying.
 '''Chris:''' [''overlapping''] Yeah. Yeah, still dying, yeah. I’m sorry, I’m—I’m, I go—I said the wrong word; that was my mistake.
 '''Julie:''' That's okay.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but she i—she is dying. She, uh, she smoked.
 '''Julie:''' Oh, cancer? Chris? Chriiis?
 '''Chris:''' Sorry about that.
 '''Julie:''' [''interrupting, indistinct'']
 '''Chris:''' I pressed a, pressed the button on my headset.
 '''Julie:''' Oh, can I ask you a quick question?
 '''Chris:''' Sure.
 '''Julie:''' Since you can use your computer now, uh, when are you going to upload the fighting video and, um, what else? The video of our date.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, the video of our date. Yeah, there's a whole line [unintelligible] My voice didn't get recorded on that while your voice did.
 '''Julie:''' Huh, that's weird.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, so I'm just gonna ha—so I’m—so I’m—I’m gonna… So soon enough I will figure out how I can add my voice to it and I will, uh, pretty much wing it in adding my voice around your voice.
 '''Julie:''' All right. And what about the, uh, fighting video?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I wi--I will do that soon.
 '''Julie:''' All right. All right, and another thing—
 '''Chris:''' [''interrupting''] Julie—
 '''Julie:''' --that I'd like to tell you about—You should really, I'm serious - you should really, really, really, fix your biological clock. Please.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, well, I tell ya--I tell ya what, I fell asleep last night about 6:30 and I woke up this morning about 6.
 '''Julie:''' Oh.
 '''Chris:''' So I'll probably be falling asleep earlier tonight.
 '''Julie:''' Because I really want you to be able to answer me as soon as you get there.
 '''Chris:''' I understand... Uh, as soon as she—as soon as—as soon as I get there?
 '''Julie:''' No, no, I mean, I-I want you to be answering as soon as I send a message.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm, I'm try—I’m sorry; say that again?
 '''Julie:''' I want you to be able to reply like, five minutes after I send a message.
 '''Chris:''' Oh, I understand. It's just that, you know, I'm not on my PS3 or my PC all the time, and--
 '''Julie:''' [''interrupting''] Neither am I. But I’m still able to make time.
 '''Chris:''' --go out. Yeah. Okay. That's cool; I understand. But yes, anyway, let me get back to what I was talking about. Yeah, uh, when I—yeah, my mom pi--I uh, talked, my mom picked me at the, uh, mall while I was out earlier today, and my father dropped me off there while I was at IHOP, so my father could get, like, a senior discount on the food there and then he could bring, uh, my sh-, bring me my sandwich home. Yeah, but anyway, the poi—anyway, the point is, my mom—when my mom got there, she picked me up. She--she broke the news to me there, and we—we basically cried on each other's shoulders.
 '''Julie:''' Aww.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean, when I hear bad news the first time, sometimes, I mean, like, you know, sometimes, the hearing hits me, but, you know, but then, like, eh, it takes like a few minutes for me, for it to, uh, get in there and hit me worse, y’know? So it took like—it took like a few minutes before I start crying and I did cry.
 '''Julie:''' Aw, I'm sorry for your loss.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. I appreciate that. So anyway, I think I was there for my mother to help comfort and, uh, she comforted me back.
 '''Julie:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Anyways, she's gonna le—gonna let me go to the funeral.
 '''Julie:''' Oh.
 '''Chris:''' My mom.
 '''Julie:''' Oh!
 '''Chris:''' I mean, she wouldn't let me go with her this weekend to visit. [''Chris gets phone call''] Excuse me. [''Hello!''] I’m okay; how are you?
 '''BlueSpike:''' Oh, God! [''laughing, even more high-pitched''] Oh, my God!
 '''Chris:''' [''still on the phone''] Yeah.
 '''BlueSpike:''' [''to Mumble, laughing, unintelligible sounds''] Let me turn my headset off, but WHAT THE FUCK?
 '''Chris:''' [''on phone''] All right, Mom—
 '''BlueSpike:''' Mom? [''indistinct incredulous sounds'']
 '''Chris:''' I'll come down soon and get my, uh, sandwich.
 '''BlueSpike:''' [''stifling a laugh'']
 '''Chris:''' All right, love you too. Bye-bye, Mommy. [to Julie] Yeah, just, that was my mom telling me to, uh, come down, to come downstairs to get the sandwich my dad brought home for me.
 '''Julie:''' What was that? I didn’t hear you.
 '''Chris:''' W-What was that?
 '''Julie:''' I didn't hear you. Can you repeat that?
 '''Chris:''' Oh, certainly. I said that my--that my mother would call me, tell me to go downstairs and, uh, get the sandwich my dad brought home for me from IHOP.
 '''Julie:''' [''stifled chuckle''] Oh, okay.
 '''Chris:''' Excuse me.
 '''Julie:''' What was that?
 '''Chris:''' Eh, just a small, just a small burp.
 '''Julie:''' Oh, all right.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Um, yeah, well, you know, thing... Oh, what wa—what was I talking about? Oh, yeah, my, uh, mom was to go visit Aunt Corina this weekend but she didn’t—she did not invite me along because somebody--she figured somebody had, because my, I needed to stay home, help, uh, you know, be there for my father in case something happens to him and I got, and I had to take care of the cats.
 '''Julie:''' Yeah. Hey, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' Someday I actually want to talk to your mother. Do you think I could have her phone number?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, uh, I, let's see. I believe you have my cell phone number.
 '''Julie:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' All right, look, all right, well, it's a confidential thing here, so, uh, uh, I'll give you the home phone number. My father will answer it... Uh, I'm afraid I haven't told him about you, yet—
 '''Julie:''' Aw.
 '''Chris:''' But you know I did tell my mom about it.
 '''Julie:''' Huh.
 '''Chris:''' So most likely he will answer it or possibly she will answer. But--
 '''Julie:''' Okay.
 '''Chris:''' --Y’know, just, uh, y’know… You could tell him that, uh, you just want to talk to "Barbara." That's her name, "Barbara."
 '''Julie:''' All right. So what's the number?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I mean… All right, so it's area 434.
 '''Julie:''' So 434.
 '''Chris:''' 990.
 '''Julie:''' 990.
 '''Chris:''' 0198.
 '''Julie:''' 0...
 '''Chris:''' 198.
 '''Julie:''' 01..0198?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' All right. 'Cause, just—
 '''Chris:''' That’s okay.
 '''Julie:''' --I want to talk to your mother.
 '''Chris:''' I understand.
 '''Julie:''' ‘Cause I think I should get to know her better.
 '''Chris:''' I hear you.
 '''Julie:''' What about your father? Does he have a phone?
 '''Chris:''' Well, we—we—we’re all--we all live in the same house.
 '''Julie:''' Yeah, but just in case he's out. [Chris overlapping, indistinct] Because I want to be able to talk to your father about me.
 '''Chris:''' Hmm. Well, like I said, he’ll pro—he’ll—he’ll be more likely pick up the, uh, home phone than my mother will.
 '''Julie:''' Yes, Chris but I'll feel better if I got his, like, cell phone in case it’s an emergency and you're not...able to pick up.
 '''Chris:''' Um, hmm, wait. Uh, uh, wait. Could you repeat that?
 '''Julie:''' All right. Like, if it's, an emergency and you're not there or something. Like if you're not able to pick up, I'd really feel it would be better if I had your father's number so I could be able contact anyone in your family.
 '''Chris:''' Well, the phone number I just gave you is also my father's phone number.
 '''Julie:''' Like, do you—is that his, like--that's his cell phone?
 '''Chris:''' No, that's the home phone.
 '''Julie:''' No, I mean like… Does--he doesn’t have a cell phone?
 '''Chris:''' He does not have a cell phone.
 '''Julie:''' Oh. What about your mother? Is that… hers… or is that the home phone, too?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, no. That’s the ho--I gave you the home phone number.
 '''Julie:''' Oh, all right. What about your mother; does she have a cell phone?
 '''Chris:''' Uh… No, she does not have a cell phone.
 '''Julie:''' Oh, all right.
 '''Chris:''' Well, we're thinking about getting her one.
 '''Julie:''' Yeah. If so, I really need the number, just in case.
 '''Chris:''' Well, I'd letcha talk to my mother and maybe, uh, she'll give it to you.
 '''Julie:''' All right. Oh, can I talk to your mother right now? You think?
 '''Chris:''' Uh, I don't know, I mean, I got you in my ear piece.
 '''Julie:''' Do you think I can talk to your mother? ‘Cause that’d be great; I could get to know her really quickly.
 '''Chris:''' Well, you could try calling the home phone now, and, uh, she could get ‘er.
 '''Julie:''' But I would feel better... I would feel better if I could just talk to her on the PSN, ‘cause I would like to see her.
 '''Chris:''' Mm. All right, well, I don’t know if I could get her up here, but, uh, hang on.
 '''Julie:''' [laughs]
 '''Chris:''' I’ll see. Be right back.
 '''BlueSpike:''' Ohh… We just summoned the Snorlax! [''giggling'']

[''long pause, Family Guy heard in the background'']

'''BlueSpike:''' Oh, my God, guys, we woke the Snorlax! Oh sh-! We woke the Snorlax! Help! It’s gonna sit on me! Help! You’re right. You’re right. Oh, God. [hyperventilating sounds] All right. Let’s do this. [claps hands] Come on! [another pause] I wish Chris would stop listening to Family Guy. Come on, Snorlax. Come on, Snorlax! [laughs, starts singing] Let’s go, Ghostbusters! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go! Let’s go, Ghostbusters, let’s go… [dissolves in giggles] I’m waiting ‘til he gets here. You’ll see! [pause] I don’t think Barbara has g--is coming up the stairs.
 '''Chris:''' Gonna wait ‘til my mom, gets, uh... She’s feeling exhausted. ‘Cause, like I told ya, she just got home from her trip to, uh, to Richmond, uh, you know. Meanwhile, she and Uncle Tom've been going down to see Aunt Corina in the hospital she’s been.
 '''Julie:''' Oh… Okay. You think I could talk to her tomorrow?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, probably, if you call on the home phone.
 '''Julie:''' No, I mean on the PSN.
 '''Chris:''' Well, it depends on if I can get her up here at the time we have our chat on the w—on the PSN here.
 '''Julie:''' Yeah, ‘cause I’m not able to get a phone, remember?
 '''Chris:''' Wha—Wait. [''says something that is interrupted by BlueSpike'']
 '''Julie:''' That’s why I didn’t get—that’s—that--that’s why I didn’t get--that’s why I didn’t give you a phone number before, because I don’t have a phone.
 '''Chris:''' Oh.
 '''Julie:''' Bu—I-It’s gonna have to be on the PSN.
 '''Chris:''' Well, wait a minute. You don’t ha—you don’t have a phone.
 '''Julie:''' No, I don’t.
 '''Chris:''' Hm. So… If you wanted to call my home phone number, what would you be calling on?
 '''Julie:''' I don’t know. A friend’s cell phone?
 '''Chris:''' Oh. I see. All right. Well, next time, uh, we have a PSN chat, I will, uh, see if my mom will be able to come upstairs.
 '''Julie:''' All right. Thank you.
 '''Chris:''' So, how was your day, then?
 '''Julie:''' Oh, it was good.
 '''Chris:''' That’s good. Anything of, uh, importance? Or anything exciting?
 '''Julie:''' No, nothing.
 '''Chris:''' Okay, still making you’re g--okay and all.
 '''Julie:''' Yeah.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but anyway, you know, I talked to [sounds like Rye] about, uh [???] work, and also, uh, my father gave talk to me about the occupation today, uh… Yeah, he revealed to me that, uh, because of my autism that if some—the, uh, workers are--would be afra—probably would likely be afraid to hire me. So it’s not like I’m not trying but I am trying.
 '''Julie:''' Chris, didn’t you say a while ago that you weren’t autistic?
 '''Chris:''' No, I said I was high-functioning autistic. It’s--it’s [???] that, uh, [BlueSpike overlapping], that-that revealed that information to me that it was listed on Wikipedia that said that is not classified as a disability.
 '''Julie:''' Yeah, so—
 '''Chris:''' Or, like a—or like a handicap. Somethin’ like that. But—y--but y—but I am classif—but that is, I am classified as disabled under my Social Security.
 '''Julie:''' Oh.
 '''Chris:''' But I am looking for the volunteer work.
 '''Julie:''' Chris, I don’t think you can get volunteer n--work that is—I think, uh, uh, it won’t. I don’t think it’s going to work anymore with you working at that pace. I-I-It’s-It’s not—
 '''Chris:''' Julie—
 '''Julie:''' --gonna work. It ju—it just won’t.
 '''Chris:''' Julie, please. Please, Julie, I—I’m—I am gonna find volunteer work that pays.
 '''Julie:''' I-I-I doubt it. I’m sorry, Chris; I love you, but I doubt it.
 '''Chris:''' [''heavy sigh''] Julie, you’re not breaking up with me now, are you?
 '''Julie:''' No. I am not. I am not breaking up with you.
 '''Chris:''' All right, just, like, you know, if you cou--I’d appreciate if you’d at least just give me the chance.
 '''Julie:''' I-I, I’m giving you—I’m giving you a great chance. I-I-I am. And, uh, but Chris. The-the word "volunteer"... I-i-it wou--means you’re doing it without pay. Volunteer work that pays… That’s contradicting volunteer work. I’m not breaking up with you; I’m tr—
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, but—
 '''Julie:''' —I’m trying—I’m trying to help you. I’m trying to help you and me. I’m trying to help our relationship... I’m trying to help our relationship soar, okay, Chris?
 '''Chris:''' I-I appreciate your help. And I’m attempting your help. Oh, some AT failed B-b—uh, but trust me. It’ll work out in the end.
 '''Julie:''' [exasperated sigh] I doubt that, Chris. I’m not breaking up with you, but, I-I-I do have my doubts.
 '''Chris:''' Mm. Your doubts are reasonable.
 '''Julie:''' Thank you.
 '''Chris:''' And I—and I wi—and I—and I—and I am shooting for your, uh, for your ability to think and such.
 '''Julie:''' Thank you.
 '''Chris:''' Uh, but you still—you still—you still coming to, uh, vi—visit here, visit with me, right?
 '''Julie:''' I discussed that in my letter. I discussed that in my letter. I, uh, I’d rather not talk about it, ‘cause, uh, I discussed it in my letter.
 '''Chris:''' That’s fine. I understand. I’ll wait for your letter.
 '''Julie:''' All right.
 '''Chris:''' Anyway, before, uh, before I go—before I got the news about my aunt, uh, my day’s been okay.
 '''Julie:''' That’s nice. What did you do?
 '''Chris:''' Hm.
 '''Julie:''' Did you go outside today?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah, I went out. I went to go meet with Rocky today.
 '''Julie:''' Oh, yeah, that. Anything else?
 '''Chris:''' Well, let’s see... Because I woke up at 6:00, uh, I went to feed my cat, and then I, uh, then I did some, then I did some work on the, pl—on the pl—well, I played some—I played some Sonic for a little while, then I went out with my father to Burger King, went out to breakfast.
 '''Julie:''' Oh. Oh cool.
 '''Chris:''' And, uh, I came back home, and, I, uh, did some more colorful work.
 '''Julie:''' Oh. Oh! Did you work on any comic pages today, ‘cause, ‘cause, you know... What’s today? Yeah, today’s Monday, remember?
 '''Chris:''' Yes, [''unintelligible'']
 '''Julie:''' What you said?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah?
 '''Julie:''' You would upload comics by the week’s end, and I believe this is the week’s end. Where are the comic pages?
 '''Chris:''' Oh! Actually, I’ll, uh, I’ll, uh ge--I’ll get ‘em uploaded after we--after we finish up here.
 '''Julie:''' Oh, all right.
 '''Chris:''' But I ha--the thing is, but they won’t be colored in.
 '''Julie:''' Oh, all right.
 '''Chris:''' But I’ll get ‘em uploaded and I... You’ll--and you’ll see at least the first three pages tonight.
 '''Julie:''' ‘Cause you could always color ‘em later, right?
 '''Chris:''' Yeah.
 '''Julie:''' All right, tha--that’s nice. Sorry, I hiccupped.
 '''Chris:''' Oh. I didn’t hear it. [''laughs'']
 '''Julie:''' Huh.
 '''Chris:''' I love you, Julie.
 '''Julie:''' I love you, too Chris.
 '''Chris:''' All right, I-I’ll go, I’ll go get ready to upload the comics.
 '''Julie:''' Can we talk after?
 '''Chris:''' ...Pages. Uh, yeah, sure, if you stay on your PSN account, and, uh, I’ll come back and open up a new chat window.
 '''Julie:''' All right, and just send me the invite.
 '''Chris:''' Yeah. Okay. I’ll talk to you later.
 '''Julie:''' All right.
 '''Chris:''' All right. Bye-bye.
 '''BlueSpike:''' [''coughs''] Thank. Fucking. God! [''unintelligible'']

[''laughter]

'''BlueSpike:''' [''unintelligible''] Buh-bye. So, yeah, I’m gonna, yeah. Don’t worry.

[''more laughter'']

'''BlueSpike:''' I think I’m actually—I’m making some kind of progress with Chris at least.
 '''Clyde:''' No, you’re not. You’re [''unintelligible, interrupted by more voices'']
 '''BlueSpike:''' [''unintelligible'']

[''voices overlapping'']

'''Troll:''' Jesus Christ!
 '''Clyde:''' Volunteer work! With pay!

[''silence'']

'''Troll:''' Whatever.
 '''Troll:''' Oh, good.
 '''Troll:''' Who cares? That wasn—
 '''BlueSpike:''' Guys--

{{succession|label=[[BlueSpike PSN Chats]]|prevlink=[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 1|First]]|nextlink=[[BlueSpike PSN Chat 2|BlueSpike PSN Chat 2]]|}}

==Links==

* [http://www.mediafire.com/?m3enwzztwmq Download]

{{FanChats}}

[[Category:PSN Chats]]

The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special

2010-02-15T05:01:23Z

Llort: /* Transcript */ surface copy edit of Part 2

[[Image:HappyAnniversary.jpg|thumb|right|"Thanks for not aborting me!"]]

'''The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special''' is a video that [[Chris]] made as a gift for Bob and Barbara in the spring of [[2004]]. It offers a wealth of information regarding Chris's parents, such as how they met in a [[alcohol|bar]].

==Part 1==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 1
| image = {{#ev:youtube|24lUfJf4cNU}}
| Stardate = 7th [[June 2004]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games}}[[Video games]]; Family
| Performance Style = {{Reason}}Reason
| Other = {{Direct Feed}}Machinima; {{Leaked}}[[DVD|Leaked]]
| previous = [[Animal_Crossing_Documentary#Watch|Animal Crossing Documentary]]
| next = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_2|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 2]]
}}</center>

{{quote|This is my little present for y'all.}}

===Transcript===

[''two in-game flyers appear'']

Nintendo Presents / A Christian/Sonichu Production

For Barbara & Robert Chandler (Christian' Mom & Dad) / It's…

[''theme music plays briefly over opening animation'']

[''another in-game flyer appears'']

The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special / Now here's your host, Christian Chandler!

[''four more in-game flyers scroll by in a blur'']

Most of everything was done by Christian Chandler. / Games used for this program: Animal Crossing, Mario Paint

With Special Thanks to Nintendo, Barbara Chandler, Robert Chandler, Christian Chandler

This has been a / Christian/Sonichu production. / The End

Stay Tuned for Behind the Scenes Action…

[''one last in-game flyer appears'']

Due to limited items, the following program may have some innacurate furniture for each parent…

[''starts playing ''Animal Crossing'' as himself'']

Hi, Mom and Dad. How're you doing? This is my little present for y'all: a little… documentary for y'all, here in [[Animal Crossing]] for Nintendo GameCube… about how y'all were, and how you are now, and so forth. So, take a trip back in time with me, won't you, as we explore, uh, how each of you were.

Of course, first, we'll travel back in time tooo…

[jump cut to Chris playing as Bob]

…the time of good ol' [[Bob|Robert Franklin Chandler, Jr.]] He was a hip youngster back in his day. And, uh… all that stuff he… was-- he fought in the war, he likes-- well, he worked-- he worked hard, and stuff. Let's take a look inside his château, and, uh… see what describes him as him.

[''enters Bob’s house to start tour of first floor'']

He collects records, and he's got lots of 'em, and he's got so many shelves. He likes [unintelligible] record case. Yeah.

Anyway, let's see, uh, he likes to, uh, make models, and he likes trains. This is a train model set. Look: it's got a cute little tunnel. Yeah.

And, y’know, this-- he didn't have it back then, but he has it now. He likes to sit back and watch television.

Like I said, he likes scale models. And here's a good model: a rocket. Yeah. He was a technical engineer over at, uh, General Electric Company. Yup – he designed the controls for plastic molding machines, so, without him, you couldn't have the plastic for, uh… say, the toy ''train'', here. Yes.

And he also, uh, went around the world a bit. One place: he went to New York. See, there's the Statue of Liberty, there.

He also, uh-- he was born in, uh, ''Texas''. That's why we have this little cactus here. Oh, and here's a little bo-- ship in a bottle, here, 'cause, y'know, he ''did'' go around the world. At least by water.

He was born a [[Cherokian Clan|Cherokee]] in, uh, Texas. Actually, he was-- he was, like, one-[[Speech Impediment|sisteenths]] Cherokee. But… that's why we have this totem pole here. And this Chinese Lion here… that's, uh-- he was-- he's been-- [[honor_roll|he's been to Korea… for a war in… World War II, I believe it was]]. And he got… a conduct Medal of Honor, so, that's what this is right here.

And you'll notice this is his shirt. It's a… blue tartan. Same pattern as is his, uh, ''regular'' shirt. That's what they call it in Animal Crossing. This pattern here for his ''um-''brella is a composition of four trumpets, 'cause, uh… he likes music. Of course.

Of course, he likes to think, so, while he's thinking he, uh… pays the bills on his, uh… desk, and, uh… nowadays, he uses a computer, but back in the da-- back in his ''old'' days, the-- a computer would fill up a ''whole room''… and it would have been much bigger than a refrigerator. And everybody in the business ''loved'' computers. [''does an impression of a baby computer''] "I love you, big com-pyu-dah."

Which I could say the same thing for, uh, a radio. Back then, in the 1930s, it was the size of a refrigerator. And everybody ''loved'' the radio, as well. [''does a half-hearted impression of Bob''] "I love you, radio".

And, of course, when he does his, uh, thinking, he, uh-- so, he likes wipin' out. He may have had one before, but he doesn't have one now: a chalkboard. And you know what he's thinkin' about at this moment? Social studies. [''laughs like Peter Griffin''] That's written by ''de-''fault on the chalkboard. And, of course, he likes to play games, so we have this little chessboard here.

And, uh, he's a bit of an outdoors person, as well… [''moves the tour to the second floor''] so, here's a representation of our backyard… or, probably "his" backyard, in the day.

Anyway, we have, uh… yeah – sprinklers watering the garden. We have a little pond. Hey! [''does another half-hearted impression of Bob''] "Who's up for a burgerrr? Who's up for a burgerrr?" Yeah.

He can also look into outer space, with this telescope. Mmm… I see there's the, uh… Sun. I can't look directly into it because it's so bright. If I turn it a little bit… oh – look – I see the Moon. The Mooon-a.

And, of course, he, uh, takes care of his, uh, yard and flowers, so, he usually likes to… ''mow the lawn''. ''Mow the lawn.'' ''Mow the lawn.''

And, uh, when he can, with, uh… with his, uh, girlfriend, back in the day, was [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]]. Yeah. Take her on a picnic. Yeah. Nice little picnic table.

So, now, we go downstairs to another point-- another good point in his, uh, life: [''moves the tour down to the basement''] Good ol' Manny's Pub. Yeah. Got everything.

He, uh, drank coffee 'round here, an'… stuff. But most of the time, around here, in Manny's pub, he sang… up here on the stage. Along with the, uh… classic jazz music of the day.

And, of course, y’know, in a pub, you always have a bartender.

[''does yet another half-hearted impression of Bob''] "Hey, barkeep! Lemme have a, uh, [[Long Island Iced Tea|martini]], will ya?"

[''does impression of bartender''] "I'm sorry, bud, but we have no martinis."

[''returns to same bad impression of Bob''] "Oh, okay, then, just get me a… b-brewski."

[''does impression of same bartender suddenly drunk''] "One [[reeb|''beer'']], comin' up!"

[''chuckles'']

At bars, you notice, of course, they have a… telephone to talk to, uh, people. Of course, uh, yeah, back then-- [''reassures himself''] yeah, they had telephones.

And, of course, like I see, I've been into good music, so…

Here's a good ezzample. [''plays unrecognizable melody on piano'']

Here, uh, let me give that to you again. [''plays same unrecognizable melody'']

That's a little tune I whipped up: uh, [[Sonic|Sonic's]] theme song. That's, uh… that's a town tune… that’s on there.

And, of course, he also likes the, uh, other classical instruments, such as a cello. [[Random Access Humor|He should-- he should’ve hung around in a room that was mellow; then, he wouldn't've liked the cello!]]

[''leaves Bob’s house to conclude tour'']

But anyway, uh, that's pretty much the last of Bob Chandler. Of course, in no-- in a-- in a ''hero'' business, he's also known as "Flower Man"… ‘cause he saves flowers' lives more than humans'.

So, now… let's time travel… to another time…

[jump cut to Chris playing as Barbara]

…for-- yeah – the time of [[Barbara Chandler]]… which-- here she is. But, of course, uh, naturally, she has ''brown'' hair, but since it’s Animal Crossing, they gave me ''blue'' hair by ''de-''fault.

But anyway, let's go into ''her'' house and see what her lifestyle is.

[''enters Barbara’s house to start tour of first floor'']

Back in her childhood, they had a small house, but, yeah, she had many brothers and sisters--

==Part 2==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 2
| image = {{#ev:youtube|sIlqJzcLsig}}
| Stardate = 07 [[June 2004]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games}}[[Video games]]; Family
| Performance Style = {{Reason}}Reason
| Other = {{Direct Feed}}Machinima; {{Leaked}}[[DVD|Leaked]]
| previous = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_1|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 1]]
| next = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_3|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 3]]}}</center>

{{quote|She chased him down a hallway... and cornered him.}}

===Transcript===

--so she had to share. But she had a quite a few… interests of heart. [''exhales''] And nowadays, she likes to use a computer, but, of course, back then, she couldn't have-- she didn't have one; they were all in the big business. But back then, she went to school, and she worked hard, and see this shirt here? That's her school colors: blue and white, because, uh, at high school… she was a [[Snorlax|cheerleader]]. [''does a generic cheerleader impression''] ''Ram, bam, sick-oom-bah, yay, yay, fa-la-la''. Yeah… one time, when she was a cheerleader in high school, she got… tackled by a football player. Broke her ankle. And ever since then, she could no longer do the twist. Anyways, like I said, it was in her cheerleader years. Batons and pom-poms on her umbrella. Oh, and, by the way, y'know, I forgot to mention, for-- I put the trumpets and bot-- batons here. I used Mario Paint to design one set, then I multiplied it times four on Animal Crossing, 'cause, a, uh, Mario Paint stamp is equal to one-quarter of a whole Animal Crossing stamp. By the way, this is a daisy shirt she's wearing.

Anyway, uh, she, uh-- she also lodged-- likes plants, so she kept ones… around… then and now. And she also liked to, uh, play games, so there's a knight (?) here. Yeah. She also had, uh, classic furniture in her room, and, uh, around the house, because, uh, it belonged to her parents, so here's a hutch. Yeah.

So, anyway, let's go up to, uh, her room, that she shared with a few of her sisters. Yeah. Like I said, she shared her room with her sisters, so we got a big bed. See that? More than one person can sleep in it. But, of course, in the little room of hers… she, uh, does things hard, so she does a lot of work. Not only does she work outside, but she worked inside. She made clothes. So… here's a sewing machine at the back. And, of course, she worked hard when she went to school, [''what sounds like a fart noise''], so she, er… had a lot of writing to do. And, to line up her making clothes, the, uh, she made-- probably made a dolly or two. And here's a couple of her ''fine designs''.

Anyway, she keep-- she kept her clothes in her, uh, closets, as well as the, uh, fabrics that she used. Although, y'know, back in her day, I'm surprised she did not get her fabrics [[Random-access humor|mixed up with her clothes]], because, if she wore the real… fabrics, well… wouldn't have covered much. Anyway, 'course, she likes to keep pretty, so, uh, she always liked [''uses a baby voice''] to have a widdle fun in de miwwah.

So, anyway, uh, we're gonna head downstairs for, uh, a little set part in the, uh, days of old. This would be what you would call a, uh, kitchen-slash-dining room. "Hey, soup's on. Who wants soup?" Yea-- oh, yeah, she also likes to hold st-- get old stuff as well, so she got a little tea-set here. And, uh, we got a kitchen… fridge… and a stove.

Here's a little fan to keep cool with. Keep food in this little, uh, pantry. And she keeps her brooms and mops in the old closet, here. Although, somebody brought out the mop; somebody wanted to clean up. You put your garbage in the garbage can. And this is sad part. An' you get-- an' sometim-- in some places, now, and, uh, very few houses, now, they will quite happily in the, uh, old days, the bathroom was in the same room as the kitchen. But, luckily, we always remember to wash our hands with soap an' water. Yeah.

Anyway, that's just in the days of old. Nowadays, she does have a private bathroom. Yep. Anyway, she's better off now than she was in the old days… because, uh, we'll time-travel forward. Yeah, and now we're going to time-travel forward to the present here.

Yep, back to the present we is. But, like I said… uh, Mom and Dad, they, uh, met each other. Oh, yeah I forgot to tell you how they met. Let's go back into Father's house and sssee how it… was. They met over at Matty's pub, see? Yeah.

Ma was just, uh, sittin' down with her friend, and she was watching, uh, ''Bobby'', uh, sing up here. Anyway, she liked-- she really liked his, uh, singing, so, uh, she-- as Father put it, she went up to him, an' then, uh, as he passed by to change the Ther-- change the Thermo-- Thermostat, yeah.

Anyway, she chased him down a hallway… and cornered him. And, then, uh, after that, they just talked till, uh-- they just talked things out and, uh, g-got to know each other. Found common things. But, in 1980, they did get married. But that was Father's side of the story, the "chasing down the hallways" thing, because Mom says that's not exactly right. Anyway, this is where they met, over here: Matty's pub. And there's a little thing you couldn't have without flash plastic milling machines. Trash can.

So, anyway, this, um-- ah, this day that this video will be shown, but from day this recorded, ''tomorrow'', I mean it was yesterday this was recorded, yeah. That these two were wed, so it was like, twenty-four years ago today that this video was shown-- is shown, that-- that the pre-- that the, uh, Priest said, "Bob, do you take this woman to be lubbidy-wedded wife? To lub and hold and cherish and to honor?"

[''uses a stupid voice''] ''Oi doo!''

"And do you, Barbara, take this man to be your lawfully-wedded husband? To love and cherish and honor forever?"

[''uses a voice reminiscent of GLaDOS''] "''I doo!''"

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

''Whoopee!'' Happy day, [[Chris_and_sex#Chris_and_rape|lay her again]].

And now, let's take a look at the, um, house, that [[Love Quest|love]] brought us. See? Here's the family room, although, uh, above the downstairs that Mom and Dad share. They brought everything with them between the, uh, ''something old, something borrowed, something new, something blue''. Well, there's a little blue there in the, uh, barber's pole. A little something old from Dad's house. And now, of course, Father will watch television and fall asleep on this… comfy chair… when it's night. Of course, he's awake during the day. And Mom will, uh-- she'll sometimes sleep on the couch. And of course, they, uh, sleep in the bed here. Big enough for two. And they have a computer to [[Mass debate|surf the web]] with. And, uh, we used to have a player piano.

Let us play. [''plays that same unrecognizable melody again'']

[''quietly''] Hold on a second.

(???) and there's no music on from another source.

That's the ticket.

==Part 3==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 3
| image = {{#ev:youtube|Om04jRARank}}
| Stardate = 07 [[June 2004]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games}}[[Video games]]; Relatives
| Performance Style = {{Reason}}Reason
| Other = {{Direct Feed}}Machinima; {{Leaked}}[[DVD|Leaked]]
| previous = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_2|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 2]]
| next = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Song|So Need a Cute Girl]]}}</center>

{{quote|THANK YOU BOTH FOR MY BIRTH!}}

===Transcript===

...Anyway, when... first comes love, then comes marriage, then they come along with their [[Fuck quest|baby carriage]]. And that's where I came in. Born in February 1982 was me. Yeah, two years after they got—uhh, this—less than two years after they got married. So, anyway, this is my bedroom, and my, uhh, TV, and video games. I'd have an entertainment center, but they didn't have one of those here in Animal Crossing. I had to make do. But it's a big TV, and I got a nice bed, a love couch. Oh, my first video game system was a Commodore Sisty-Four, here. Good computer it was; had some great games on it. Of course, I would have to say my second system after this would be the original Game Boy. Yeah, but, anyway, I kept my videos—I keep my video games, nowadays, because I got lots of 'em, on shelves... and stuff.

Anyway, I got my room decorated with a bunch of posters. Yeah, look at all these posters. Yeah, of course, you got my bed here, it's my favorite color: blue. Yeah, along with the few video games, we have more video games down here in the basement. Of course, in real world, down here in the basement-slash-utility room, it'd be Father's records. But in he—in Animal Crossing, got all my N—got my NES collection down here. Oh, look at this, [[I Got A Fish|I caught an Angel fish]]. This is an Angel fish. Oh, and here's a model. It's a space shuttle. Yeah.

Anyway, uhh, now we're gonna take a trip back to, uhh, Father's house for a specialo... deal. As a lil' retribution for, ahh, how things were, we're gonna play a lil' number on the jukebox here, but, since we don't have "Side by Side" on recording, we're play—we're gonna play... "Sittin' Under the Apple Tree".

[''Old jazz comes on'']

[''Song: Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree - Glenn Miller''] 
''"Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me, 
''Anyone else but meee, 
''Oooh, anyone else but me, no, no, no, 
''Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me, 
'' 'Til I come marchin' home, 

''Don't go walkin' down lover's lane with anyone else but me, 
''Anyone else but meee, 
''Anyone else but meee, no, no, no, 
''Don't go walkin' down lover's lane with anyone else but me, 
'' 'Til I come marchin' home, 

''I just got word from the guy who heard, 
''From the guy next door to meee, 
''The girl he met just loves to pet, 
''And it fits you to a T, 
''So, don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me, 
'' 'Til I come marchin' hoooome, 

''Don't give out with those lips of yours to anyone else but me, 
''Anyone else but me, anyone else but me, no, no, no, 
''Watch those girls on foreign shores, you'll have to report to me, 
''When you come marchin' home, 

''Don't hold anyone on your knee, you better be true to me, 
''You better be true to me, you better be true to me, 
''Don't hold anyone on your knee, you're gettin' the third degree, 
''When you come marchin' home, 

''You're on your own where there is no phone, 
''And I can't keep tabs on you, 
''Be fair to me, I'll guarantee, 
''This is one thing that I'll do, 
''I won't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but you, 
'' 'Til you come marchin' home, 

''Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me, 
''I know the apple tree is reserved for you and meee, 
''And I'll be true 'til you come marchin' hoooome.'' 

And there you have a nice lil' classic jazz. Now, we're gonna take a trip back up here. Now, we're back outside. And now for, uhh, my mom and dad, a little something special for this, uhh, video. This my way of saying "Happy Anniversary" to y'all. Coming up next—

[''A shitty Mario Paint rendition of "Happy Birthday" plays.'']

[''A big multi-layered cake with the words "To Mom and Dad. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! THANK YOU BOTH FOR MY BIRTH! Love Christian C." scrawled across each layer with [[Sonichu|Sonichus]] in the background.'']

Yeah. I love you both. Thank y'all for givin' birth to me, y'know. So, now, we're gonna pretty much end this documentary special. [''inaudible mumbling''] Okay here it is.

[''sings to the tune of the Finale from the [[Wikipedia:William Tell Overture|William Tell Overture]]'']

''♪ Happy anniversary, happy ann-i-vers-a-ry, happy anniversary, haaaapy anniversary. Lalalalalalalalalala laaa laaaa! Lalalalalalalalala laa laaa laaaa! OHHHH! Happy anniversary, happy ann-i-vers-a-ry, happy anniversary, haaaapy anniversary. Dudududududududu doh dohhh! Ladadadadada doh dohhhhhhh! Happy anniversary, happy ann-i-vers-a-ry, happy anniversary, haaaapy anniversary! Dududududududududu dooo dooo doooooo. Lududududu dooo doooo. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ♪ ''

'Til the next time. Goodnight, folks! Thank you, and good night.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Animal Crossing Documentary]]|nextlink=[[So Need a Cute Girl]]|}}
{{CWC on TV}}
{{Game Videos}}

The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special

2010-02-15T04:22:28Z

Llort:

[[Image:HappyAnniversary.jpg|thumb|right|"Thanks for not aborting me!"]]

'''The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special''' is a video that [[Chris]] made as a gift for Bob and Barbara in the spring of [[2004]]. It offers a wealth of information regarding Chris's parents, such as how they met in a [[alcohol|bar]].

==Part 1==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 1
| image = {{#ev:youtube|24lUfJf4cNU}}
| Stardate = 7th [[June 2004]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games}}[[Video games]]; Family
| Performance Style = {{Reason}}Reason
| Other = {{Direct Feed}}Machinima; {{Leaked}}[[DVD|Leaked]]
| previous = [[Animal_Crossing_Documentary#Watch|Animal Crossing Documentary]]
| next = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_2|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 2]]
}}</center>

{{quote|This is my little present for y'all.}}

===Transcript===

[''two in-game flyers appear'']

Nintendo Presents / A Christian/Sonichu Production

For Barbara & Robert Chandler (Christian' Mom & Dad) / It's…

[''theme music plays briefly over opening animation'']

[''another in-game flyer appears'']

The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special / Now here's your host, Christian Chandler!

[''four more in-game flyers scroll by in a blur'']

Most of everything was done by Christian Chandler. / Games used for this program: Animal Crossing, Mario Paint

With Special Thanks to Nintendo, Barbara Chandler, Robert Chandler, Christian Chandler

This has been a / Christian/Sonichu production. / The End

Stay Tuned for Behind the Scenes Action…

[''one last in-game flyer appears'']

Due to limited items, the following program may have some innacurate furniture for each parent…

[''starts playing ''Animal Crossing'' as himself'']

Hi, Mom and Dad. How're you doing? This is my little present for y'all: a little… documentary for y'all, here in [[Animal Crossing]] for Nintendo GameCube… about how y'all were, and how you are now, and so forth. So, take a trip back in time with me, won't you, as we explore, uh, how each of you were.

Of course, first, we'll travel back in time tooo…

[jump cut to Chris playing as Bob]

…the time of good ol' [[Bob|Robert Franklin Chandler, Jr.]] He was a hip youngster back in his day. And, uh… all that stuff he… was-- he fought in the war, he likes-- well, he worked-- he worked hard, and stuff. Let's take a look inside his château, and, uh… see what describes him as him.

[''enters Bob’s house to start tour of first floor'']

He collects records, and he's got lots of 'em, and he's got so many shelves. He likes [unintelligible] record case. Yeah.

Anyway, let's see, uh, he likes to, uh, make models, and he likes trains. This is a train model set. Look: it's got a cute little tunnel. Yeah.

And, y’know, this-- he didn't have it back then, but he has it now. He likes to sit back and watch television.

Like I said, he likes scale models. And here's a good model: a rocket. Yeah. He was a technical engineer over at, uh, General Electric Company. Yup – he designed the controls for plastic molding machines, so, without him, you couldn't have the plastic for, uh… say, the toy ''train'', here. Yes.

And he also, uh, went around the world a bit. One place: he went to New York. See, there's the Statue of Liberty, there.

He also, uh-- he was born in, uh, ''Texas''. That's why we have this little cactus here. Oh, and here's a little bo-- ship in a bottle, here, 'cause, y'know, he ''did'' go around the world. At least by water.

He was born a [[Cherokian Clan|Cherokee]] in, uh, Texas. Actually, he was-- he was, like, one-[[Speech Impediment|sisteenths]] Cherokee. But… that's why we have this totem pole here. And this Chinese Lion here… that's, uh-- he was-- he's been-- [[honor_roll|he's been to Korea… for a war in… World War II, I believe it was]]. And he got… a conduct Medal of Honor, so, that's what this is right here.

And you'll notice this is his shirt. It's a… blue tartan. Same pattern as is his, uh, ''regular'' shirt. That's what they call it in Animal Crossing. This pattern here for his ''um-''brella is a composition of four trumpets, 'cause, uh… he likes music. Of course.

Of course, he likes to think, so, while he's thinking he, uh… pays the bills on his, uh… desk, and, uh… nowadays, he uses a computer, but back in the da-- back in his ''old'' days, the-- a computer would fill up a ''whole room''… and it would have been much bigger than a refrigerator. And everybody in the business ''loved'' computers. [''does an impression of a baby computer''] "I love you, big com-pyu-dah."

Which I could say the same thing for, uh, a radio. Back then, in the 1930s, it was the size of a refrigerator. And everybody ''loved'' the radio, as well. [''does a half-hearted impression of Bob''] "I love you, radio".

And, of course, when he does his, uh, thinking, he, uh-- so, he likes wipin' out. He may have had one before, but he doesn't have one now: a chalkboard. And you know what he's thinkin' about at this moment? Social studies. [''laughs like Peter Griffin''] That's written by ''de-''fault on the chalkboard. And, of course, he likes to play games, so we have this little chessboard here.

And, uh, he's a bit of an outdoors person, as well… [''moves the tour to the second floor''] so, here's a representation of our backyard… or, probably "his" backyard, in the day.

Anyway, we have, uh… yeah – sprinklers watering the garden. We have a little pond. Hey! [''does another half-hearted impression of Bob''] "Who's up for a burgerrr? Who's up for a burgerrr?" Yeah.

He can also look into outer space, with this telescope. Mmm… I see there's the, uh… Sun. I can't look directly into it because it's so bright. If I turn it a little bit… oh – look – I see the Moon. The Mooon-a.

And, of course, he, uh, takes care of his, uh, yard and flowers, so, he usually likes to… ''mow the lawn''. ''Mow the lawn.'' ''Mow the lawn.''

And, uh, when he can, with, uh… with his, uh, girlfriend, back in the day, was [[Barbara Chandler|Barbara]]. Yeah. Take her on a picnic. Yeah. Nice little picnic table.

So, now, we go downstairs to another point-- another good point in his, uh, life: [''moves the tour down to the basement''] Good ol' Manny's Pub. Yeah. Got everything.

He, uh, drank coffee 'round here, an'… stuff. But most of the time, around here, in Manny's pub, he sang… up here on the stage. Along with the, uh… classic jazz music of the day.

And, of course, y’know, in a pub, you always have a bartender.

[''does yet another half-hearted impression of Bob''] "Hey, barkeep! Lemme have a, uh, [[Long Island Iced Tea|martini]], will ya?"

[''does impression of bartender''] "I'm sorry, bud, but we have no martinis."

[''returns to same bad impression of Bob''] "Oh, okay, then, just get me a… b-brewski."

[''does impression of same bartender suddenly drunk''] "One [[reeb|''beer'']], comin' up!"

[''chuckles'']

At bars, you notice, of course, they have a… telephone to talk to, uh, people. Of course, uh, yeah, back then-- [''reassures himself''] yeah, they had telephones.

And, of course, like I see, I've been into good music, so…

Here's a good ezzample. [''plays unrecognizable melody on piano'']

Here, uh, let me give that to you again. [''plays same unrecognizable melody'']

That's a little tune I whipped up: uh, [[Sonic|Sonic's]] theme song. That's, uh… that's a town tune… that’s on there.

And, of course, he also likes the, uh, other classical instruments, such as a cello. [[Random Access Humor|He should-- he should’ve hung around in a room that was mellow; then, he wouldn't've liked the cello!]]

[''leaves Bob’s house to conclude tour'']

But anyway, uh, that's pretty much the last of Bob Chandler. Of course, in no-- in a-- in a ''hero'' business, he's also known as "Flower Man"… ‘cause he saves flowers' lives more than humans'.

So, now… let's time travel… to another time…

[jump cut to Chris playing as Barbara]

…for-- yeah – the time of [[Barbara Chandler]]… which-- here she is. But, of course, uh, naturally, she has ''brown'' hair, but since it’s Animal Crossing, they gave me ''blue'' hair by ''de-''fault.

But anyway, let's go into ''her'' house and see what her lifestyle is.

[''enters Barbara’s house to start tour of first floor'']

Back in her childhood, they had a small house, but, yeah, she had many brothers and sisters--

==Part 2==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 2
| image = {{#ev:youtube|sIlqJzcLsig}}
| Stardate = 07 [[June 2004]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games}}[[Video games]]; Family
| Performance Style = {{Reason}}Reason
| Other = {{Direct Feed}}Machinima; {{Leaked}}[[DVD|Leaked]]
| previous = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_1|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 1]]
| next = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_3|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 3]]}}</center>

{{quote|She chased him down a hallway... and cornered him.}}

===Transcript===

...So she had to share. But she had a quite a few... interests of heart. [''Exhales''] And, nowadays, she likes to use a computer, but, of course, back then, she couldn't have—she didn't have one; they were all in the big business. But, back then, she went to school, and she worked hard, and see this shirt here? That's her school colors: blue and white, because, uhh, at high school... she was a [[Snorlax|cheerleader]]. [''does a generic cheerleader impression''] ''Ram, bam, sick-oom-bah, yay, yay, fa-la-la''. Yeah... one time, when she was a cheerleader in high school, she got... tackled by a football player. Broke her ankle. And, ever since then, she could no longer do the twist. Anyways, like I said, it was in her cheerleader years. Batons and pom-poms on her umbrella. Oh, and, by the way, y'know, I forgot to mention, for—I put the trumpets and bot—batons here. I used Mario Paint to design one set, then I multiplied it times four on Animal Crossing, 'cuz, a—uhh, Mario Paint stamp is equal to one-quarter of a whole Animal Crossing stamp. By the way, this is a daisy shirt she's wearing.

Anyway, uhh, she a—she also lodged—likes plants, so she kept ones... around... then and now. And she also liked to, uhh, play games, so there's a knight (?) here. Yeah. She also had, uhh, classic furniture in her room, and, uhh, around the house, because, uhh, it belonged to her parents, so here's a hutch. Yeah. So, anyway, let's go up to, uhh, her room, that she shared with a few of her sisters. Yeah. Like I said, she shared her room with her sisters, so we got a big bed. See that? More than one person can sleep in it. But, of course, in the lil' room of her's... she, uhh, does things hard, so she does a lot of work. Not only does she work outside, but she worked inside. She made clothes. So... here's a sewing machine at the back. And, of course, she worked hard when she went to school, [''what sounds like a fart noise''], so she, err, had a lot of writing to do. And, to line up her making clothes, the, uhh, she made—prob'ly made a dolly or two. And here's a couple of her ''fine designs''.

Anyway, she keep—she kept her clothes in her, uhh, closets, as well as the, uhh, fabrics that she used. Although, y'know, back in her day, I'm surprised she did not get her fabrics [[Random-access humor|mixed up with her clothes]], because, if she wore the real fabrics, well... wouldn't have covered much. Anyway, 'course, she likes to keep pretty, so, uhh, she always liked [''in a baby voice''] to have a widdle fun in de miwwah. So, anyway, uhh, we're gonna head downstairs for, uhh, a lil' set part in the, uhh, days of old. This would be what you would call a, uh, kitchen-slash-dining room. "Hey, soup's onn. Who wants soup?" Yea—oh, yeah, she also likes to hold st—get old stuff as well, so she got a lil' tea-set here. And, uhh, we got a kitchen... fridge... and a stove.... Here's a lil' fan to keep cool with. Keep food in this lil', uhh, pantry. And she keeps her brooms and mops in the old closet, here. Although, somebody brought out the mop; somebody wanted to clean up. You put your garbage in the garbage can. And this is sad part. An' you get—an' sometim—in some places, now, and, uhh, very few houses, now, they will quite happily in the, uhh, old days, the bathroom was in the same room as the kitchen. But, luckily, we always remember to wash our hands with soap an' water. Yeah.... Anyway, that's just in the days of old. Nowadays, she does have a private bathroom. Yep. Anyway, she's better off now than she was in the old days... because, uhh, we'll time-travel forward. Yeah, and now we're going to time-travel forward to the present here.

Yep, back to the present we is. But, like I said... uhh, Mom and Dad, they, uhh, met each other. Oh, yeah I forgot to tell you how they met. Let's go back into Father's house and sssee how it... was. They met over at May's pub, see? Yeah. Maw was just, uhh, sittin' down with her friend, and she was watching, uhh, ''Bobby'', uhh, sing up here. Anyway, she liked—she really liked his, uhh, singing, so, uhh, sh—as Father put it, she went up to him, an' then, uhh, as he passed by to change the Ther—change the Thermo—Thermostat, yeah.... Anyway, she chased him down a hallway... and cornered him. And, then, uhh, after that, they just talked till, uhh—they just talked things out and, uhh, eg—got to know each other. Found common things. But, in 1980, they did get married. But that was Father's side of the story, the "chasing down the hallways" thing, because Mom says that's not exactly right. Anyway, this is where they met, over here May's pub. And there's a lil' thing you couldn't have without flash plastic milling machines. Trash can.

So, anyway, this, umm, ahh, this day that this video will be shown, but from day this recorded, ''tomorrow'', I mean it was yesterday this was recorded, yeah. That these two were wed, so it was like, twenty-four years ago today that this video was shown—is shown, that—that the pre—that the, uhh, Priest said, "Bob, do you take this woman to be lubbidy-wedded wife? To lub and hold and cherish and to honor?"

[''In a stupid voice''] "'''OI DOO'''"

"And do you, Barbara, take this man to be your lawfully-wedded husband? To love and cherish and honor forever?"

[''In a voice reminiscent of [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glados GLaDOS]''] "''I doo''"

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

''Whoopee!'' Happy day, lay her again. And now let's take a look at the, umm, house, that [[Love Quest|love]] brought us. See? Here's the family room, although, uhh, above the downstairs that Mom and Dad share. They brought everything with them between the, uhh, ''something old, something borrowed, something new, something blue''. Well, there's a lil' blue there in the, uh, barber's pole. A lil' something old from Dad's house. And now, of course, Father will watch television and fall asleep on this... comfy chair... when it's night. Of course, he's awake during the day. And Mom will, uhh, she'll sometimes sleep on the couch. And of course, they, uhh, sleep in the bed here. Big enough for two. And they have a computer to [[Mass debate|surf the web]] with. And, uhh, we used to have a player piano.... Let us play.

[''messes on with piano and radio—plays the (shitty) "Sonic theme song" tune from Part 1'']

[''quietly''] Hold on a second. ...(???) and there's no music on from another source.

That's the ticket.

==Part 3==

<center>{{Infobox/video
| name = The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 3
| image = {{#ev:youtube|Om04jRARank}}
| Stardate = 07 [[June 2004]]
| Maker = [[Christian Weston Chandler]]
| Subject Matter = {{Video games}}[[Video games]]; Relatives
| Performance Style = {{Reason}}Reason
| Other = {{Direct Feed}}Machinima; {{Leaked}}[[DVD|Leaked]]
| previous = [[The_24th_Wedding_Anniversary_Special#Part_2|The 24th Wedding Anniversary Special Part 2]]
| next = [[So_Need_a_Cute_Girl#Song|So Need a Cute Girl]]}}</center>

{{quote|THANK YOU BOTH FOR MY BIRTH!}}

===Transcript===

...Anyway, when... first comes love, then comes marriage, then they come along with their [[Fuck quest|baby carriage]]. And that's where I came in. Born in February 1982 was me. Yeah, two years after they got—uhh, this—less than two years after they got married. So, anyway, this is my bedroom, and my, uhh, TV, and video games. I'd have an entertainment center, but they didn't have one of those here in Animal Crossing. I had to make do. But it's a big TV, and I got a nice bed, a love couch. Oh, my first video game system was a Commodore Sisty-Four, here. Good computer it was; had some great games on it. Of course, I would have to say my second system after this would be the original Game Boy. Yeah, but, anyway, I kept my videos—I keep my video games, nowadays, because I got lots of 'em, on shelves... and stuff.

Anyway, I got my room decorated with a bunch of posters. Yeah, look at all these posters. Yeah, of course, you got my bed here, it's my favorite color: blue. Yeah, along with the few video games, we have more video games down here in the basement. Of course, in real world, down here in the basement-slash-utility room, it'd be Father's records. But in he—in Animal Crossing, got all my N—got my NES collection down here. Oh, look at this, [[I Got A Fish|I caught an Angel fish]]. This is an Angel fish. Oh, and here's a model. It's a space shuttle. Yeah.

Anyway, uhh, now we're gonna take a trip back to, uhh, Father's house for a specialo... deal. As a lil' retribution for, ahh, how things were, we're gonna play a lil' number on the jukebox here, but, since we don't have "Side by Side" on recording, we're play—we're gonna play... "Sittin' Under the Apple Tree".

[''Old jazz comes on'']

[''Song: Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree - Glenn Miller''] 
''"Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me, 
''Anyone else but meee, 
''Oooh, anyone else but me, no, no, no, 
''Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me, 
'' 'Til I come marchin' home, 

''Don't go walkin' down lover's lane with anyone else but me, 
''Anyone else but meee, 
''Anyone else but meee, no, no, no, 
''Don't go walkin' down lover's lane with anyone else but me, 
'' 'Til I come marchin' home, 

''I just got word from the guy who heard, 
''From the guy next door to meee, 
''The girl he met just loves to pet, 
''And it fits you to a T, 
''So, don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me, 
'' 'Til I come marchin' hoooome, 

''Don't give out with those lips of yours to anyone else but me, 
''Anyone else but me, anyone else but me, no, no, no, 
''Watch those girls on foreign shores, you'll have to report to me, 
''When you come marchin' home, 

''Don't hold anyone on your knee, you better be true to me, 
''You better be true to me, you better be true to me, 
''Don't hold anyone on your knee, you're gettin' the third degree, 
''When you come marchin' home, 

''You're on your own where there is no phone, 
''And I can't keep tabs on you, 
''Be fair to me, I'll guarantee, 
''This is one thing that I'll do, 
''I won't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but you, 
'' 'Til you come marchin' home, 

''Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me, 
''I know the apple tree is reserved for you and meee, 
''And I'll be true 'til you come marchin' hoooome.'' 

And there you have a nice lil' classic jazz. Now, we're gonna take a trip back up here. Now, we're back outside. And now for, uhh, my mom and dad, a little something special for this, uhh, video. This my way of saying "Happy Anniversary" to y'all. Coming up next—

[''A shitty Mario Paint rendition of "Happy Birthday" plays.'']

[''A big multi-layered cake with the words "To Mom and Dad. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! THANK YOU BOTH FOR MY BIRTH! Love Christian C." scrawled across each layer with [[Sonichu|Sonichus]] in the background.'']

Yeah. I love you both. Thank y'all for givin' birth to me, y'know. So, now, we're gonna pretty much end this documentary special. [''inaudible mumbling''] Okay here it is.

[''sings to the tune of the Finale from the [[Wikipedia:William Tell Overture|William Tell Overture]]'']

''♪ Happy anniversary, happy ann-i-vers-a-ry, happy anniversary, haaaapy anniversary. Lalalalalalalalalala laaa laaaa! Lalalalalalalalala laa laaa laaaa! OHHHH! Happy anniversary, happy ann-i-vers-a-ry, happy anniversary, haaaapy anniversary. Dudududududududu doh dohhh! Ladadadadada doh dohhhhhhh! Happy anniversary, happy ann-i-vers-a-ry, happy anniversary, haaaapy anniversary! Dududududududududu dooo dooo doooooo. Lududududu dooo doooo. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ♪ ''

'Til the next time. Goodnight, folks! Thank you, and good night.

{{succession|label=[[List of videos|Chris's videos]]|prevlink=[[Animal Crossing Documentary]]|nextlink=[[So Need a Cute Girl]]|}}
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